Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bro what the fuck why is this old woman yelling at me? It’s not even her order. “I DON’T WANT WHIPPED CREAM”. Ok, I heard you, this is SOMEONE ELSE’S. Dumb bitch.

My coworker, Liam, walks over to make this woman's order, and I can see her face go white. Hahah. I called to whoever was next in line, it appeared to be a mother and her two kids. “What can I get you today Ma’am?”. One of her kids started fucking hollering at his mother. “CAN I GET A COOKIE MOMMAA??”, she turned and smacked him in the back of his head, the kid turning to run behind her. “I’m so sorry for him. Can I please get a Cold Brew and an Americano for my friend? The order name is Smith.”

“Nothin’ for the kids?” I asked, with a stupid smile.

“Nope, I’m making them meet their new babysitter and getting lunch afterward.” She commented. “I’ll get your order right away ma’am, hope the meeting goes well!” The lady and her two kids quickly walked away to a table near the entrance. 

“Yo, Liam! Got another order... bro what happened to you?”

“That crazy fucking lady.” He had coffee. ALL OVER his uniform. Poor guy. “But yeah, I’ll get to makin’ it, what’s the order and who’s it for?”

 I muttered, “Uhh.. Cold Brew and Americano for Smith.” He grunted in acknowledgment. 

Turning back to the line, I see no one, until the door opens. 

It’s an android.

And AWOOGGAA!!!! HE’S FINE AS HELLL!!! GAAWWWDD DAYUUMM!!!! “Hello, sir what can I get you today?”. “Can I get two black coffees, two caramel macchiatos, and an iced latte?”

“Yup! LIAM GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE WE GOT A BIG ONE” “Does he have a fatty too?” ”A BIG ORDER .” “Oh.. OH OH OH SHIT”

Liam ran around the kitchen as if his life depended on it, it was funny to see and I tried not to laugh but I eventually cracked a smile. The android seemed puzzled and perplexed. I took my eyes off him and tried to strike up a conversation with him.

“Oh sorry, sir what’s the name for the order?’ “Connor.” Hot damn that name fits him holy fuck he’s so finneee help oh my god he’s so handsome and cute and and andsbk,asdjer “Are you okay there?” oh shit must’ve spaced out “Oh yeah sorry about that I’m fine” I smiled at him, hearing a crash in the background, I turned, “LIAM, LIAM??? ARE YOU GOOD” I yelled to him. He walked out head hung low in shame he was DRENCHED in coffee it was even in his hair. “Dude what happened are you okay??” “I fell..” “HOLY SHIT DUDE ARE YOU OKAY” I began in a sad attempt of drying him off with paper towels. He began laughing and asked, “Could you make them please?” “Yeaah sure man!” I then turned to Connor, sighing, “So sorry about that I really hope it’s not an inconvenience to you, I totally understand if it is”, he piped up “No! It’s okay take as much time as you need” Oh wow he’s so sweet. “Um Okay,” you cringed at how you said that. '

He then looked at you’re shirt. Oh god oh god oh fuck you thought he must think you’re a fucking NERD I mean come on you were wearing a My Bloody Valentine movie shirt and had fucking Homestuck and Weird Al pins on your apron you started to sweat.

“My Bloody Valentine? Didn’t it come out February 13, 1981 a day before Valentine's Day? It also stars “Peter Cowper” as Harry Warden aka the Miner and “Neil Affleck” as Axel Palmer, right?.” your jaw just fucking DROPPED like Brian from Family Guy, don't get so excited he's an android he probably looked it up you thought. “Oh..Oh yeah! It’s one of my favorite movies haha!”

Liam glared at you two like he was going to pop a blood vessel “Can you stop NERDING out and take the poor man’s order??” “Two black coffees, two caramel macchiatos, and a latte. Thank you! You fucking geek.” you uttered. Liam giggled in response, about 5 minutes later you had his order done. “Again I’m so so sorry man here you go”. As you gave him his drink your hand brushed against his you felt your cheeks grow hot “Have a nice day!” “You too!!”.

Liam took notice of your face and began teasing you “Oh..OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE YOU BARLEY MET CUZ HE NERDED OUT WITH YOU HAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS” You choose to ignore him. After taking what seemed to be a million more hours it was finally time to close up and go home. Finally, you thought, you drove home and changed into something more comfortable you scooped a big bowl of ice cream and turned on “Jackass Forever” something to help ya chill before you slept. You couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him, his eyes, his voice, how he took note of your shirt.

Ohhh NNNOOOO HE’S HOOOTTTT!!!! You began to think about him, hoping you would bump into him again, praying he would walk into that coffee shop, you shifted over and tried to sleep keyword TRIED you couldn’t stop thinking about him, you tossed and turned, eventually falling asleep.

“Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!”

Chapter Text

“Ok, ok, ok. What about.. BURGER BUDDIES??”

“Burger Buddies??”

“Yeah!!! The new bar and grill that just opened on the other block, you wanna head over there after work?”

“Sure? Wonder what they got to eat..”

You and Liam were hanging around the breakroom arguing about what you should go eat after your shift. Finally deciding on a place called Burger Buddies, whatever the fuck it is.

The rest of your shift was.. BORING. To say the least. And soooo slooww. This one lady fought us because we said we don’t have a pumpkin spice late. We’ve never sold them, ever. 

“Fuck, that was the most boring shift we’ve went through.” you groaned entering Liam’s car.

“Yeaahh, you’re right, it sucked pretty badly.”

You slumped onto the passenger seat and sat on what looked like to be a MONTH-OLD Jack in the Box bag. 

“Just throw that in the back!”

“I will fucking punch you, that is nasty. I’m not touchin’ it.”

“You’re so fucking dramatic, nerd.” He huffed, before maneuvering in his seat to grab the bag and throw it into the back seats. 

“There you go, your excellency.”

You giggled, “Fucking geek.” you slowly sat back down in the passenger seat, looking around and starting to take in the atmosphere of his car. Stickers and keychains everywhere, his keys jingling as he starts the car, the back of his car being a fucking black hole for trash, how his phone looked so disheveled in the cup holder, the stickers peeling off and fading. 

He slowly pulls out of the back parking lot and starts driving to Burger Buddies. Oh goodie.

“You know, every time I get into your car, I fall right back in love with it.” You sighed, relaxing into the seat.

“Oh what, this ol’ thing?” He snickered. 

You bursted out laughing and playfully smacked him “YOU FUCKINGG GEEKK!!!!”

Liam sighed and muttered under his breath while giggling.. “Hey.. hey kid.. You wanna listen to some Weird Al?”

“Yes. That’s never a fucking question when you’re with me.” you responded as fast as you could. 

He put up a hand in defeat, “You’re right, you’re right..” 

Liam giggled like a fucking geek and you couldn't help but laugh along with him as he put in a Weird Al cd. “Sooo about the guyy we saw yesterday.. You were toottaally drooling all over him..” “I WAS NOT!!!” you argued back, smacking him in the arm. 

He gave you the look with his goofy grin, man you loved him, he’s been your best friend since you started your job at the coffee shop. Honestly? Not your first choice but it was close, easy, and paid the bills. You started to replay the memory of when you first met, it was a Tuesday afternoon or was it a Friday? You couldn’t exactly remember but who cares! You had just started, and he was the first one to actually welcome you to the team. You remember him taking note of your “Jackass” shirt and your “Radiohead” pins, he told you that he was stuck training you.

That day, something clicked between you two. You felt that you bonded almost immediately, you started joking around and found out you both were into similar stuff, you eventually exchanged numbers and are best friends to this day.

“HELLLOO EARTH TO [ ]???”  you snapped back to the present “Sorry man spaced out for a sec.” “I can tell, what was on your mind?” he said with a devilish smirk. “NOT C-MAN NOT HIMM!” “uh-huh suurre whatever you say”, “IM BEING FOR REAL” you yelled back in a playful way” He began to tease you even more.

We quickly came to a halt, parking in the tiny parking lot. 

“THIS is Burger Buddies?” I questioned as Liam and I got out of his car.

“Yup! She sure has some charm, right?” Liam asked me, in a mocking tone. 

I rolled my eyes at his question, “Yeah.. sure..” I murmured. 

Before we even came up to the doors I could hear and smell what was going on in there. It was fucking awful.

I groaned, “Bro I can fucking hear the kids screaming in there.”

“Hehe.. yeah this place is popular with kids.. But also alcoholic adults, sooo.. Two for one?” Liam laughed nervously.

“Shut up you shithead” I paused, pushing the wooden doors of the restaurant open, “Oh my god.”

This place is fuckin WILD. Pinball machines, kids running around and screaming, the bright fluorescent lights you were already overwhelmed and you hadn't even been there for 10 minutes! You looked around a little more, you saw a lot of tired parents, some bikers at the bar, Connor and some old guy, ...Connor? What was Connor doing here??

Your thoughts were RUDELY interrupted when Liam grabbed your arm and dragged you to your guys’ table, and gave the waitress your orders. 

I grabbed Liam’s forearms and stared at him, “Now, look dude, I just fucking saw Connor at the bar, I am NOT kidding.” your grip on him got tighter and your face got redder.

“YO FOR REAL?? HE’S HERE?? HAHAHA OH SHIT!!” quickly standing up, Liam looked around the tiny restaurant till he spotted Connor, “OH MY FUCKING GOD IT’S ACTUALLY HIM, THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS” He exclaimed as I tried to sit him back down, “SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP” 

“Bro stop being a pussy, come on let's get him over here and chat a bit.” Liam said as he snickered at your red face, “You’re SSSOOOO fucking red this is AWESOME.” “LETS FUCKING NOT DUDE HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW US WE’RE JUST THE NERDY BARSITIAS HE SAW ONE TIME” you argued. 

Both of you paused as the waitress brought your food over and you two thanked her, Liam continued, 

“Ok... but we don’t just have to be THOSE baristas, we can get to know the guy, fuckin nerd.” He said, waving off your last comment.

You huffed and started eating your.. disgusting food.. You look up at Liam and see him eyeing his burger like it’s an unknown specimen he just found in a lab, “Dude, you good?” you mused as he looked up at you in utter HORROR.

“This looks like a fucking alien.” He whispered as you bursted out laughing, as you calmed down you took a $10 bill out of your wallet and set it on the table, “Come on let's go, this place sucks.”, you said as you grabbed yours and Liam’s baskets of food. 

As you two were walking over to the trash cans, When suddenly Liam locked eyes with Connor he leaned in and clenched his muscles so tight that you thought he was gonna explode. Connor seemed to mimic his stance except for his muscles, you looked at the two in embarrassment as their faces got closer and closer. Are they about to kiss right?? 

now you thought. 

Liam eventually backed up and Connor followed his actions as he exclaimed, “YO! You’re the dude at the coffee shop that [ ] was drooling over!” as he put his hand out for Connor to shake, I stared at him in absolute HORROR, “I’m Liam, the better of us two idiots”, he said as he pointed between the two of you. You wanted to punch him into last Tuesday, you were mortified and embarrassed you just met the poor guy yesterday, he was cute you had to admit that but you didn’t even know if you liked him that way. You looked down, your head in shame as Liam began talking to him “Oh, is that so?” he finally responded.

You seriously couldn’t handle this, your face was SO red it was like Rudolph’s fucking nose, as you started to walk away, Connor piped up and asked Liam, “Why are they leaving?”, almost as soon as he said that Liam ran off and came back with your in tow. 

“Don’t why this lil NERD ran off, what are you a toddler? Do you need one of those backpack leashes??” He snickered at his dumb humour while your face became redder

Liam was seriously pissing you off, not only did he embarrass you in front of the one guy you might have a thing for, he was doing this in PUBLIC in front of not only him but many other customers who were there. Connor began to laugh in what could be presumed as awkward laughter, “So [ ] I’ve introduced myself to him why don't you?” he said while smirking like the devil. “Oh yeah sorry! I’m [ ] nice to meet ya!” you shook his hand “I am Connor, a pleasure to meet you!” he sounded sincere and kind holy shit you were falling even more in love with him by the second

Liam looked at you and whispered “Ask for his number dude” you shot him a glare and looked back at Connor “I know this is sudden but you seem like a really cool guy could I get your number?” you asked, cringing at how your voice sounded. Connor responded “Why sure.” he then wrote it down for you, this cannot be real you thought holyshit holyshit you wanted to scream. “Thank you so much!!” you uttered too flabbergasted to speak. “Alright then, we gotta go, it was nice meeting you, Connor!!” Liam giggled, that was your cue to leave.

As you and Liam left Burger Buddies you punched him really fucking hard. “HEY WHAT’S THAT FOR?” he exclaimed “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING EMBARRASSED ME MAN” “I knoww hehe you were so red you looked like a tomato” he burst out laughing. You rolled your eyes you wanted to get away from him fast.

You turned and fucking RAN into Liam’s car as soon as he unlocked it, both of you getting in and the Weird Al cd playing, you clutched your phone, shaking like a madman. Holy fucking FUCK you and Liam now have Connor’s number and you’re...more than happy about it. 

Liam turned to you with a dumb smirk and asked, “So.. did you have fun at Burger Buddies?”

Chapter Text

“Hey, it’s [ ], how are you doing, Connor?”

You sighed, flustered as you looked up to Liam, who appeared to be making himself home on your XBOX One—his game of choice being DOOM Eternal. You chuckled at him as he made an array of faces and motions before eventually just spouting curse words at the screen. 

“You fucking bitch!” he roared before huffing and slamming the controller down, getting up dramatically before slumping on the bean bag in front of your bookshelf.

 “Dude, can you be a little more gentle??” you yelped, pointing towards the now upside down controller, “Don’t you know how much I paid for that? I—”

 “I know, I know..” Liam exhaled, “I remember you complaining to me that you had to go into “hibernation” because of how much you had to save.” 

You rolled your eyes before growling in a low tone, “Then I found out that guy was a scammer and sold me an XBOX that didn’t even work.”

“Oh my gosh! I remember that.” Liam laughs, a wide smile forming on his lips. “Y’know, I didn’t know your vocabulary could get so… colorful, until you called me and complained about it. I remember how hastily you mumbled he was behind you before hanging up.” He smirked mischievously, “Not the first time your mouth almost got you in trouble, though. Remember when—” 

You groaned loudly, cutting him off, “Liam not again, you don’t get to hold this over my head!”

 He interjected “Ah, ah.. But I do!” 

You frowned, before mentally preparing yourself for the same story he liked to tell over and over again.

“It was junior year, and if I remember correctly.. a couple days after your birthday. We were waiting in line for admission to go see your favorite artist, thanks to yours truly.” he grinned, pointing to himself with a grin on his face. 

You huffed, closing your eyes,“Yeah, you don’t need to remind--” 

“I’m not finished!” He gasped, putting a finger over your lips. “Anyway, so we’re waiting in line and—this guy must have been in his late 20’s early 30’s—and he's mumbling under his breath, right?” You had looked down at your phone at this point, biting your lip nervously, before glancing back up at Liam as he continued to ramble on. 

“You wondered why he was making remarks at the people and what they bought. So you, wonderful you, decided to make the most vile comments about what he had bought.” 

You had begun to drown out the words being spewed from Liam’s mouth. To which, he raised a brow when he saw how engrossed you were with your phone, before he continued. “I remember he whipped his head around, his beard flying in the wind like it had its own center of gravity or something.. he grabbed you by shirt collar, lifted you up from the ground, and demanded to know what you said.. and, of course you were well.. You know, you—with your intense sense of justice and your fucking inability to back down—you had doubled down, leading him to having shoved you onto the concrete and being held back by two security guards.” he giggled before slowly making his way in front of you, a suspicious look on his face as he peers over at your phone screen.

You looked up when you heard someone groaning, Liam. You honestly forgot he was right in front of you, “Dude,” he whined, “Why are you hesitating to send that to him?? It’s soooo simple, like one of the most basic conversation starters ever! You shouldn’t be that embarrassed!” he exclaimed as he threw himself onto your bed.

“You’re such a loser sometimes..” he turned to you and giggled.

 “You’re awful at helping me get a boyfriend.” you said before Liam gasped dramatically and put his hand over his heart, “Oh! You wound me [ ], you wound me..” ending his statement with a ‘last breath’. I hate nerds. 

But he didn’t stay there for long, noticing your phone was left loose in your hand, he snatched it from you.

“Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?” you questioned as you tried to get your phone back from him, but he returns the enthusiasm by blocking you from it.

Liam snickered at your persistence, “I’m texting Connor! And I will help you get a boyfriend!” he exclaimed in a sing-songy voice, “And, send! Hehe.” He turned around your phone to show you the text message, “You just have to trust my guidance for once, your highness.”

-------

-- melodicEngineer [ME] started pestering straightforwardCyborg [SC] at 17:25 --  

ME: Hey Connor it was soo great to meet you <33 Would you like to hang out with me and Liam at my place in a couple of days?

SC: Hello [ ], it was nice to meet you too. I will be free for the rest of the week, so yes, I will be with you and Liam. What is your address, if I may ask?

ME: 3285 Paper Street, can’t wait to see you!

SC: I will see you soon, [ ].

-- melodicEngineer [ME] stopped pestering straightforwardCyborg [SC] at 17:32 -- 

“LLLLiiiaaammmmmm, you fucking suck.” you groaned as you flopped back onto your bed. He threw your phone back at you and grabbed his.

After around ten minutes of letting you wallow in your embarrassment, he quit looking through his playlist before he looked up at you with a raised brow, “Music? They Might Be Giants will work, yeah?”

“Yeah, they work.” you grumbled, sighing as you relaxed into the sheets of your bed, with Liam right beside you.

I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage

Called the blood of the exploited working class.

But they've overcome their shyness,

Now they're calling me "Your Highness",

And the world screams, "Kiss me, son of God".