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Chapter Text

Fate always had a way of letting Shen Jiu know that he could never get what he wanted, no matter how hard he tried.

It had been a month since his fateful reunion with Yue Qi - Yue Qingyuan now. After the youth's fervent, delusional promises of come with me to Cang Qiong, you'll be in Qing Jing, you can be a Head Disciple too, I just know it, Xiao Jiu's always been so clever, it had fallen apart in a matter of seconds.

In that crowded and illustrious tent full of Cang Qiong's Peak Lords relaxing while outside their disciples fought off monsters and worse, Yue Qingyuan dared barge in to beg his Shizun's permission to take Shen Jiu into the sect.

He'd praised his cleverness, his ingenuity and skill, lying through his fucking teeth that anyone would be lucky to have Shen Jiu as a disciple.

And for a moment, a small, elegant woman in green robes who Shen Jiu now knew as the Qing Jing Peak Lord had tilted her head towards him, seemingly taking an interest in him just like Yue Qingyuan said she would -

And then a gruff, deep voice said, "Sure, I'll take him," and Shen Jiu looked up with horror into the dark-eyed gaze of a massive seven-foot-tall swordsman with a faded scar on his face from eye to lip.

The Bai Zhan Peak Lord, Xu Ningchen.

And Shen Jiu's new teacher.

*

Living on Bai Zhan Peak was Shen Jiu's nightmare come to fruition, the parts he despised most in his life come back to haunt him over and over again.

A peak full of chaotic, noisy men who lived only to fight and destroy, and didn't seem to care whether the ones they were hurting were their enemies or their own sectmates, so long as they were entertained by the outcome.

A peak full of barbarians who hardly seemed to know how to read, or line up properly during mealtimes, or not use up all the hot water for themselves when bathing, or, or, or…

The only good thing you could say about Bai Zhan was that you could do things in your own time. The classes were loosely structured and everyone was expected to be self-motivated and pursue their own goals without external motivation or praise. It was how, after Shen Jiu had gotten a rough and rudimentary welcome to the peak, he too had been left alone to do as he wanted.

And so. He mostly studied, spending hours in the surprisingly vast but underused central library.

As the warriors' peak Bai Zhan held thousands of books and scrolls on everything there was to know not only about fighting and martial and cultivation techniques, but military strategy, history, and previous Bai Zhan Peak Lords' recountings of from famous battles they'd participated in (and won).

It was an astonishing look into a world of knowledge Shen Jiu had never known existed, and he often spent shichen soaking up what he'd learned, whether it be some obscure technique invented by a now long-forgotten sect and more…

Of course, none of his hard-earned knowledge was doing him any good at the moment.

When Shen Jiu wasn't attending his few mandatory classes or reading in the library, he would study from his cultivation manual and practice on his own, in a quiet part of the peak far from the main stomping grounds.

This tiny clearing in an otherwise wild forest where Shen Jiu meditated and practiced his newfound orthodox cultivation was perhaps the only place on Bai Zhan where he felt any true semblance of peace.

If only he was any fucking good though.

Shen Jiu didn't understand what he was doing wrong. He'd read the manual front to back over and over again. He was doing exactly what it told him to, and yet he was developing his cultivation at a snail's pace, and left feeling sore and miserable at the end of the day for all his hard work.

He'd wondered briefly if he'd been given a dud manual, either by mistake or by spite, but sadly, it wasn't that simple.

The shixiong in charge of new disciples hadn't so much given Shen Jiu his manual as just lazily shooed him in the direction of a bookshelf, and let Shen Jiu pick his own.

Maybe... maybe in the end, he was just mediocre.

Tears stung at his eyes as he lowered his stance after another useless practice session on his own. He hadn't cried in years, and never when Wu Yanzi had delighted in teaching Shen Jiu his savagery, daring his little disciple to blink. Shen Jiu never had, and lived for it.

But this... he didn't know if he could do this anymore. Living on a mountain full of men who were barely more than animals. Having to push and shove his way to the front of the line during mealtimes like he was a beggar again, or walk away with a bowl full of nothing.

And he hadn't slept in the dormitory once.

As a new outer disciple Shen Jiu wasn’t allowed the privilege of his own personal room; instead, he'd been assigned a bunk in a large room he shared with nine other boys where at night they slept jowl to jowl, their bedding all next to each other. There was no privacy, no personal space, not even a partition for modesty.

Shen Jiu had spent only his first night in that room, where he'd been wide awake and white-knuckled the entire time, ready to gut anyone who dared intrude into his space, or worse.

The morning after, he'd gathered his few belongings in a rucksack and searched for somewhere - anywhere on Bai Zhan where he could find shelter. The peak was on an entire fucking mountain, surely there would be something.

As it turns out there were. But Shen Jiu didn’t get the luxury of stumbling in on a now-ascended cultivator's abandoned cottage; god forbid he be lucky for once.

Instead, he'd found a cave.

It wasn't an uncommon thing for Bai Zhan cultivators, when heading into seclusion, to quite literally dig their way into the mountain and create a little hidey-hole for themselves while they meditated.

Shen Jiu stumbled into one such former hole, a small dingy cave just big enough to keep out the rain and give him fair warning if anyone tried sneaking up on him. In his cave he ate and washed up and slept, and it sufficed.

A small, bitter part of him wondered if Yue Qingyuan had ever been reduced to huddling in a cave for shelter during his training.

Head Disciple Yue was a lofty being nowadays, who always wore fine black robes with silver embroidery, and carried a sword so storied apparently there had been an earthquake on Wan Jian when he drew it for the first time.

Lucky him. Shen Jiu didn't think he would ever get a spiritual sword. At his rate of progress, he'd be demoted to stair sweep in a year's time. He'd be lucky if he was even allowed to look Yue Qingyuan in the eye anymore after that.

Forget it. He couldn't train anymore, he was so tired. He might as well head to the dining hall early and see if he could get some food before the meal bell rang and chaos ensued.

Even if there was only vegetable buns and soup available, at least he'd get to eat his fill. And if he helped clean up the tables, the aunties might give him a roasted sweet potato to take back with him -

"Why'd you stop? You were doing fine."

Shen Jiu froze, then turned, slowly, to see a thin pale youth staring at him from a dozen feet away, his arms loosely crossed and one foot restlessly tapping against the ground.

His robes were an immaculate white, whereas after a month Shen Jiu's were already a dingy grey, no matter how many times he scrubbed them clean in the river.

A fellow disciple, then, and one he didn't recognise nor give a damn about. Shen Jiu snorted. "Mind your own business."

"Tch." The boy scowled. "You only got halfway through the warming exercises and you're already giving up? Why even bother then?"

Ordinarily, Shen Jiu would have just given the mouthy brat the finger and stalked off to lick his wounded ego in private. But he'd been wound up tight and miserable for a month now. He'd gotten no further in his cultivation than what he'd started with when he showed up; he didn't know any of his fellow disciples' names, nor did he want to get caught up in their destructive ideas of camaraderie and brotherly bonding.

Not to mention he slept in a fucking cave every night.

And the boy having cracked the dam that had been Shen Jiu's well of pent-up emotions since he'd come to Cang Qiong, since he'd met Yue Qi again - the dam collapsed.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Shen Jiu yelled, the boy wincing and taking a step back in alarm. "I don't know why nothing is working, why everything keeps going fucking wrong! I've been practicing for hours every day and my cultivation hasn't gone anywhere! I'm doing exactly what my manual tells me to and all it's done has made me feel like shit! I don't KNOW what I'm doing wrong, and I'm sick and tired of it." He closed his eyes and sagged, drained after his outburst. "So fuck off already if you just came here to point and laugh."

The boy stared at him in shock after that verbal rampage, his pale mouth open in a small o. Maybe he would run off in tears - he looked like the type - or snitch for some god knows why reason and get Shen Jiu kicked out of Bai Zhan.

It wasn't as if he'd ever belonged anywhere to begin with, so why not? Who even gave a damn anymore.

Finally, the boy bit his lip and said, "Show me your manual."

If Shen Jiu had any more spite left in him he would have chucked the book right at the boy. Instead, he just pulled it out of his pocket and tossed it over.

The boy flipped through the book, skimming through it. "Everything checks out," he said, then raised his brow. "Show me your forms."

Unbelievable. For some reason though, Shen Jiu felt his body draw back into a training stance as he went through all the forms in the manual, even as he only felt weary and worn out. He didn't feel anything in his meridians, he didn't feel his potential golden core developing...

He just felt like giving up.

The boy watched him intently the whole way through, eyes sharp but otherwise emotionless.

When Shen Jiu was finally done though, the boy frowned. "I don't get it. Your stances are actually pretty decent. But nothing's happening."

"Thank you!" Shen Jiu cried out in relief despite himself. "I've done this a thousand times and it's never worked out - it cannot just be me, it just can't."

"Hmm," the boy said. He flipped through the manual again, then his brows furrowed, as if he was meditating on something.

"What? What?" Despite his fatigue, Shen Jiu was desperate for an answer from someone, anyone. "Do you have anything?"

"Maybe," the boy said, and gave him back his manual. Shen Jiu shoved it back into his pocket, and the boy added: "I'm going to do some forms. You, follow me."

As if Shen Jiu hadn't just wrung himself twice dry just to demonstrate for this no-name brat. "Yes, Your Majesty," he sneered, but got into stance yet again, this time keeping his gaze firmly on the boy as he began to move and speak at the same time:

"Forget your manual. Instead, when you do this, try to expand qi from within your dantian..."

*

Half a shichen later Shen Jiu was breathless and lying on the ground with not an ounce of energy left in him - but he was alive.

"How?" he croaked. "How did you know?"

A single strand of hair had fallen down the boy's ponytail, but he remained otherwise spotless. "I had an idea," he said bluntly. "Your forms were fine and you were doing everything the manual said, but you still weren't getting any results."

"Okay," Shen Jiu said hollowly. He already knew that.

"All of Bai Zhan's manuals are for physical cultivators," the boy said. "But you're a spiritual cultivator. These techniques just aren't designed for you and your body. That's why you weren't getting anywhere."

"And?" Shen Jiu wanted to laugh at the presumptuousness of the statement. "How the hell do you know I'm a spiritual cultivator? I don't even have a core yet - "

"Believe me or not," the boy said dismissively, crossing his arms again. "It's no skin off my back. But if you want to get anywhere, you'll get a manual that suits you. Otherwise nothing's going to change."

He was already turning heel to walk away. It took every ounce of strength Shen Jiu had left in his body to will himself back to his feet and cry out: "Wait!"

The boy stopped.

"... thank you," Shen Jiu muttered. "For. Helping me. I appreciate it - "

The boy scoffed. "If you want to thank me, show me your results in three months. Otherwise, I don't need it."

And then he just... walked off back into the forest, and left Shen Jiu slack-jawed in disbelief and growing outrage at how casually his hard-earned praise had been dismissed just like that.

This little shit, he fumed, as if I couldn't stomp you any day of the week I wanted.

Whatever, he thought as he gathered his things to go wash up in the river before dinner. It wasn't as if they'd even gotten each other's names. What were the odds they would even run into each other again?

Yeah, not a chance.

*

Three months later, Shen Jiu - much to his aggravation - was dragged into his first practice match by a shixiong who'd noticed his shocking rate of improvement since he'd gotten a new manual (where else? By “permanently” borrowing one from the library).

"Come on, shidi, just try your luck," the man cajoled, clapping Shen Jiu on the shoulder as he sent him towards the dirt ring in the centre of Bai Zhan's practice fields.

"Don't touch me," Shen Jiu snapped as he stalked towards his opponent. Forget it. He might as well fight against actual people instead of just his practice dummies once in a while…

He realised, of course, that he'd been set up the moment he lifted his eyes to see the pale youth from months before.

The boy stared at Shen Jiu, seemingly emotionless as ever. But it was his shixiongs' hooting and hollering that set Shen Jiu's teeth on edge, especially when they called out their names and Shen Jiu got to know the name of his opponent and one-time teacher for once and for all:

Liu Mingjin, current frontrunner for the future successor of Bai Zhan Peak. Presently all of fourteen years old, and half a head shorter than Shen Jiu at the moment.

Fucking hell.

Shen Jiu was going to fight his battle with the child prodigy standing across the ring from him. He was going to fight him and win, and then he was going to murder every single person on Bai Zhan Peak and grind their bones into dust.

And then the match began.

Chapter Text

The fight lasted all of five seconds.

In that eon, Shen Jiu got to demonstrate one of the new techniques he'd learned over the past three months: that is, he managed to step to the side and divert the punch that came his way.

Well, the first one anyway.

After, amidst the seniors' uproarious laughter at how Liu Mingjin had "done it again", Shen Jiu stared into the peerless blue sky from where he was sprawled onto his back with gravel digging into his bones, and wished he could burn all of Bai Zhan Peak down to ash.

Then he slowly, slowly got up on his own two feet, and trudged away from the boisterous crowd and towards the Rainbow Bridge without speaking to anyone else, unaware of the pair of sombre grey eyes that watched him as he left.

*

"Welcome to Qian Cao. Do you need anything?"

A shichen had passed since Shen Jiu entered the healers’ peak and had been directed by a bored stair sweep to the largest building nearby, the clinic where injured disciples could come and get their wounds looked at and tended to.

There he’d sat in a small stiff chair and tried not to wheeze too loudly, even as his lungs ached from labour and his ribcage felt acutely tender.

By the time the "physician", a youth in dull green and brown robes who looked no older than he did, walked into the waiting room and saw no one but Shen Jiu still waiting to be looked at, he was close to already dropping dead from the exhaustion of trying to stay awake and lucid after his ordeal.

"Salve," Shen Jiu managed through gritted teeth. "I need some salve."

"Okay," the youth said after an awkward pause. "Is that all? I haven't seen you before…”

His voice trailed off as he looked Shen Jiu up and down, brows gently lifting into his hairline. "Bai Zhan? You must be the new boy, then. Let me, ah, examine you before I give you anything."

Shen Jiu shook his head instinctively. The boy looked thin and weak-boned, easy to kick away in a panic, but that didn't mean Shen Jiu wanted him to see him in such a vulnerable state either way. What could he even do to protect himself right now, when it hurt just to breathe?

"I have to, you know," the boy said. "Your breathing doesn't sound good. It'll just take a moment too, I promise..."

Shen Jiu wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and cry.

Truly, nothing had gone right for him since he'd met Yue Qi again.

He didn't want to be looked at and "examined" by some boy-child physician who probably hadn't even gone through his crowning ceremony yet.

He didn't want to stay on Bai Zhan and spend the rest of his days getting battered by those with ten times his strength, nor huddling for warmth in a cave on his own. He didn't even want to be a cultivator anymore, if this was what he could expect for the rest of his life.

He wanted, he just wanted…

"There you are. I was looking for you." A boyish voice came out of nowhere, and both Shen Jiu and the young healer looked at the newcomer in surprise - Liu Mingjin, who had just entered, his gaze immediately going to Shen Jiu. "You..."

"Oh, Liu-shixiong." The youth in green smiled. "You know each other?"

"Kind of," Liu Mingjin muttered as he approached. "Hey. You got hurt?"

Shen Jiu shot him a nasty glare. "You slammed me into the dirt, asshole, how do you think I did," he snarled.

Liu Mingjin grimaced. "... sorry," he said. "I have trouble controlling my strength sometimes."

Unbelievable. The kid was only fourteen too. Shen Jiu just gaped, at a loss to respond.

"Wait, you fought each other?" said the boy in green. "Oh heavens. Now you have to let me examine you. Please. Who knows what kind of damage Liu-shixiong could have done without even realising it."

"Biaoge," Liu Mingjin hissed at the youth, a splotch of outraged pink on his pale face.

"Who's your biaoge? We're in Cang Qiong now. You're my shixiong, I'm your shidi." The boy then knelt in front of Shen Jiu and turned his face up towards him with a gentle expression.

"My name is Mu Siwen. I understand if you have reservations about being treated by a fellow disciple, but I promise on my oath as a doctor to give you the best treatment possible. And now that I know who the perpetrator of your injury is..." He took on a cheery tone. "If you're unsatisfied with your rate of recovery or some sequelae still remains in your body after six months' time, I'll gladly bill the Liu clan on your behalf for compensation. You'll never have to lift a finger again."

"I hate you," Liu Mingjin muttered, already stalking off and plopping into a chair in the corner.

"Well?" said the youth. "What do you say?" Shen Jiu opened his mouth, flabbergasted, and then closed it again. It was better not to speak.

"It's alright," the youth said. "He'll stay outside."

*

Half a nervewracking shichen later, Shen Jiu returned to the waiting room with a fresh set of bandages around his chest and his pockets full of small jars of ointments and blood-replenishing pills.

Six weeks. If all went well, the cracked rib he'd been diagnosed with would heal on its own in six weeks. In that time he wouldn't be able to train at all, shouldn't do much more physically than walk to and fro his classes and the library.

He thought of his cave in despair, how wet and cold and humid it was on most nights. His bedroll had never been comfortable, but he'd been able to endure. Now...

"You okay?" Liu Mingjin shot up to his feet the moment he saw Shen Jiu, who tried to ignore him as he trudged his way back to Bai Zhan.

The boy fell silent after his non-response but kept following a step behind him, no matter how slowly Shen Jiu walked. It was insufferable, and when Shen Jiu finally made it to the Rainbow Bridge he turned and snapped, "Are you done pretending to give a shit now?"

The boy blinked. "I'm... not pretending," he said. "I wanted to know if you were okay."

Yeah, sure. Shen Jiu turned his face away before tears - humiliating as always - could drip down his face in frustration, and began to limp on the bridge, hand on the translucent railing for support.

"You've gotten better," Liu Mingjin said, continuing to follow him despite Shen Jiu making it clear he wanted nothing to do with him.

"How could you tell?" Shen Jiu snarked. "As if you even gave me any time to do anything."

"Your starting position, for one," Liu Mingjin said. "Sharp, purposeful. You weren't guessing; you knew what you wanted to do. Your new manual suits you."

Shen Jiu snorted. "And then what happened."

Liu Mingjin didn't say anything. After Shen Jiu had managed to swerve and redirect the boy's first punch into open air, Liu Mingjin had - without his gaze so much as faltering at being deterred - simply turned his body inward and landed an open palm hit into the lower half of Shen Jiu's ribcage with his other hand, and sent him flying into a dirt a dozen feet away, just like that.

"We should fight again, when you're better," the boy said.

Shen Jiu whipped his head around, incredulous, before the pain hit and he bent over the railing, gasping to catch his breath. "Are you fucking serious!" he wheezed. "You want to kill me for real this time?"

Liu Mingjin frowned, crossing his arms self-defensively. "Not like that," he muttered. "Those rounds in front of everyone are meant to be like real fights. You fight to win and that's that. I meant like in practice. I want to see what you've really learned."

"And me?" Shen Jiu said. "The hell do I get out of this?"

"You get a sparring partner," Liu Mingjin said.

Shen Jiu fell silent. The boy tilted his head. "I've seen you practice sometimes. You're always on your own. That's fine once in a while, but you'll never really improve if all you do is fight the shadow of an opponent and never the real thing."

His logic was foolproof. Still, Shen Jiu wanted to dump some cold water onto the pint-sized brat out of lingering resentment and spite.

"Well, you're going to have to wait," he snapped. "I can't do anything for at least six weeks, maybe more if my rib doesn't heal right. Who knows how long it'll take for me to get back into shape."

"Okay." Liu Mingjin blinked. "I can wait."

Sure he could. Shen Jiu rolled his eyes and hobbled off, leaving a silent Liu Mingjin behind.

*

Two uneasy months passed by before Shen Jiu returned to Qian Cao and was deemed by a doubtful Mu Siwen that he was "tentatively okay", if not wholly healed.

As in, he could probably start on some very, very light exercises soon, but no more than that, and especially no fighting.

He didn't have to tell Shen Jiu twice. He'd spent the past eight weeks voraciously reading everything in the Bai Zhan library and gnawing his way through the sack full of vegetable buns the kitchen aunties gave him every time he came to the dining hall.

And. Even if he didn't catch a glimpse of Liu Mingjin, he heard plenty about the boy through Bai Zhan's rumour mill.

The first son of the noble Liu clan, a cultivation family with a long and storied pedigree; entered Bai Zhan when he was ten, and achieved his golden core when he was thirteen.

Could already outfight half of his seniors one-handed, and apparently the only reason the Bai Zhan Peak Lord hadn't officially appointed him the Head Disciple was because of his youth and inexperience... not to mention half a dozen elder shixiongs who stood in the way.

Shen Jiu didn't particularly give a shit about the political machinations of a place like Bai Zhan, where the rule of meatheads prevailed and he'd quickly come to the grim realisation that not only was he never going to become Head Disciple of a peak like this, that he didn't want to.

Hell, he didn't know if he wanted to stay in Cang Qiong anymore...

Sometimes, when he walked on the Rainbow Bridge to and fro Qian Cao for his medicine, he would pass by the Qing Jing disciples in their flawlessly white silken disciples' robes, their elegant postures and the beautiful accessories they wore in their hair.

So poised, so dignified, so far away from the grime and grit on Bai Zhan. At times like those, he was bitterly aware of the gentleman's manners and literacy Qiu Jianluo had beaten into him before.

What had all of Shen Jiu's suffering been for if not to have helped him on Qing Jing, where he could have grinded his way into becoming the Head Disciple without literally running himself into the ground...

And then he would overhear snippets of their conversation here and there, about how their placement on Qing Jing would help their families' position in the imperial court of one mortal emperor or another, or how their di mother had punished a wilful slave for attempting to seduce their lord father and get with child to improve her station - and then his blood would run cold.

Ah, that was right. Qing Jing wasn't a place for people like him. Qing Jing was for people like Qiu Jianluo, who used their beautiful appearances and manners to crush their lessers beneath their heel, and god forbid they ever forget it.

God forbid Shen Jiu ever forget it too.

At least on Bai Zhan he didn't have to pretend to be anything but who he was. People might not care for his coarse language and sharp attitude, but they wouldn't sneer at him behind their painted fans for it.

(Well, why bother when they could just beat him into the dirt for getting uppity instead. Ostracisation was a gentleman's tool, not a brute's.)

Liu Mingjin was a noble too, and Shen Jiu spent enough time in the library learning about past valiant and honourable Lius who had belonged to Bai Zhan to make his eyes roll back on instinct whenever he heard the boy's surname.

Why the fuck did someone so lofty even want to "practice" with Shen Jiu to begin with? What was even in it for him? Shen Jiu didn't know. Nor did he want to find out. He'd had enough of nobles for a lifetime.

*

"... just a little prank, c'mon."

"Fire ant venom in the kid's ointment doesn't seem like a little to me, shixiong. You sure?"

"Come off it. The lordling doesn't even acknowledge us half the time and we've been on Bai Zhan longer than he's been alive. Kid thinks he was meant to be the Peak Lord the minute he showed up. Messing up that dainty face of his might even humble him a bit."

"If Shizun finds out..."

"What's the little lord gonna do? Start crying about how he can't show his face in public anymore? Ha! I'd like to see how his admirers on Xian Shu look at him after that..."

"They wouldn't be sending him invitations for their tea parties anymore, would they..."

Fucking hell.

Shen Jiu ordinarily never went near the dorms after he'd found his cave, but as part of his recovery training he would meander to and fro Bai Zhan's many pathways to build his stamina and get some fresh air in.

Apparently, that now included listening in on some truly infantile and jealousy-ridden "pranking", courtesy of two of Bai Zhan's adult disciples who, at this very moment, were ruminating on contaminating Liu Mingjin's facial ointment with fire ant venom to... what?

Scar his face and render the boy hideous to look at for life? Worse yet, trigger a yet-unknown allergy and send him into a state of shock his cultivation might not be able to salvage him from, crippling him or even killing him?

Shen Jiu's lip curled. He'd really been mistaken, hadn't he, to think Bai Zhan a more innocent kind of hellhole than Qing Jing because problems tended to be solved most of the time by fist meeting mouth. Alas, sore losers existed everywhere, and the seething jealousy of this "shixiong" was clear even to his novice ears.

Jealousy that a boy who hadn't "paid his dues" was more likely to become the Peak Lord than him. Jealousy that Liu Mingjin was not only a skilled warrior at his young age, but handsome enough already to make the all-female peak turn their heads admiringly at him.

Jealousy that Liu Mingjin, with all his talent and skill and pedigree, simply wasn't humble and respectful enough to a shixiong twice his age who was currently planning to ruin his face for life. And the thing was, Shen Jiu understood jealousy.

He understood what it was like to scrape from the bottom while everyone else seemed to have it easy. He knew from bitter experience how someone else's success felt only like a slap to the face when all he'd done was fail despite how hard he tried; he knew, gods he knew.

But these were fucking adults, grown men old enough to have wives, and children young as Liu Mingjin himself. And yet they were embittered enough over the success of a brat who clearly cared only about fighting and still thought girls had cooties to conspire about him like this.

Shen Jiu simply hated their guts on principle alone. If you were going to be a petty, spiteful bitch, your target might as well fucking earn it.

And well. His targets had earned his ire, that was for sure.

*

"You didn't have to do that."

It was the day after, and Shen Jiu was taking his time eating his rice and spicy braised pork in the dining hall long after everyone else had finished for the noon meal, when Liu Mingjin dropped in on him with a blank face as always, the boy sitting down on the other side of the table.

Shen Jiu sniffed. "And what did I do, even?"

Liu Mingjin rolled his eyes. "Yu-shixiong and Xi-shixiong broke out into a full body rash in the middle of the night and woke the whole senior dormitory up with their screaming. They had to be knocked out before we could send them to Qian Cao."

"Damn." Shen Jiu whistled; he hadn't heard anything from his little abode in the woods. "And they're still there?"

"Yeah." Liu Mingjin shrugged. "They'll be okay. But the scarring..."

Shen Jiu snorted from behind his cup of tea. "They're Bai Zhan men; what do they care about appearances anyway? Isn't what's inside their hearts what truly matters, in the end?"

Liu Mingjin said, "You could have told Shizun what they were going to do to me."

Oh. So he must have been there yesterday, and overheard the men too.

"Oh, because he'd totally believe the word of some newcomer brat he's only met once, compared to a pair of senior disciples who've been here for decades?" Shen Jiu snapped, setting his cup down on the table roughly. "What about you? Why didn't you tell Shizun, or confront those assholes yourself?"

Liu Mingjin just shifted on his haunches.

"What was that?" Shen Jiu demanded when he couldn't hear him. "What did you say?"

"... petty," the boy muttered. Shen Jiu cleared his throat in an exaggerated manner, and Liu Mingjin said in a louder voice:

"I said, it would be petty for me to report every little scrap of nonsense people say about me to Shizun. I'm a son of the Liu clan. I can't let things like that bother me or I'll never get anywhere."

"So you'd have let them poison you, is that it?" Shen Jiu asked in disbelief.

"Of course not. I would have solved it myself."

"How? How would you have done that?"

"I'd have challenged them to a fight during the next public round," Liu Mingjin said. "And won."

Shen Jiu stared at him, speechless. Liu Mingjin looked resolutely back at him, refusing to blink or look away.

Oh. Oh. He meant it too.

"And while you waited for your chance," Shen Jiu said slowly, "you'd have spent two, three months wondering if this was the day you slipped, and something ended up in your ointment or food or bedding. You'd let those assholes get the first blow in on you just so you didn't come off as petty... is that right?"

A red flush appeared on Liu Mingjin's jade-white cheeks. "What else could I do," he hissed, pride and dignity wounded at last by Shen Jiu's accusation. "I'm a - a gentleman. My family didn't raise me to involve myself with gossip and underhanded means. If I have something against someone, I'll challenge them to a fight fair and square."

"Because you're better than them," Shen Jiu said dryly.

"Yes!" Liu Mingjin said, then looked outraged that he'd accidentally agreed with him.

Shen Jiu burst into an evil cackle. "Okay, okay," he said, wiping a tear away. "You are better than those assholes who tried to ruin your face because they were jealous of you. But I'm not. I enjoyed making them taste their own medicine, and I really wish I'd heard them scream like a fierce ghost last night. What about it then?" He tilted his head. "Going to tell on me to Shizun? Or are you going to challenge me to a fight for using, ah, underhanded means? Since I'm so bad and all."

Liu Mingjin mumbled something under his breath Shen Jiu couldn't pick up.

"What was that?"

"You're not..." The boy coughed. "I don't think you're bad."

Shen Jiu's smile faded.

"All I know about you is that you're new to Bai Zhan," Liu Mingjin said. "You don't like anyone, and you probably don't like me either. But you don't talk about people behind their back, and you work hard. Really, really hard."

Abruptly Shen Jiu grabbed his tea again and downed his cup. "This is Bai Zhan; doesn't everyone work hard?"

"I guess," Liu Mingjin said. "It's just interesting when you do it. You're different." He flushed and looked away, and Shen Jiu thought, oh god the little kid is embarrassed.

What the hell was he going to do with this brat? He didn't have a handle on his own emotions half the time; he certainly didn't have the time to manage anyone else's!

"... you better not tell anyone else," Shen Jiu finally said, after giving them both time to calm down. "Or next time I'll be the one putting fire ant venom in your ointment."

"Okay," Liu Mingjin said in relief. Then, "Don't do that. Seriously."

"Or what?" Shen Jiu countered. "You're going to wait three months before sending me an angry invitation to fight in the mail?"

"No, you asshole," Liu Mingjin squeaked, then turned bright red when his voice cracked mid-sentence. "Hey!"

It was all too much for Shen Jiu to take; he burst into hysterical laughter and couldn't be stopped.

*

"You ready?"

"Give me a break, I just ate," Shen Jiu groused as he entered the clearing where they'd agreed to meet in the morning.

"Novice mistake." Liu Mingjin shook his head in disapproval. "I always do my morning practice on an empty stomach."

"I am a novice, you little runt," Shen Jiu snapped. "And I need some food in me before I pummel the shit out of you at chen shi in the morning."

"As if you could even land a hit on me," Liu Mingjin said dismissively, and then oh it was on. Shen Jiu was going to smack the shit out of this brat and make him call him gege before the day was over, just watch him.

Chapter Text

"Look out!" Shen Jiu shouted.

Liu Mingjin ducked just in time. An enormous claw smashed against the spot where his head had just been, obliterating the tree trunk in its way to pieces, chips of wood exploding around them like fireworks.

The idiot was still far too close to the Two-Headed Taotie Tiger for Shen Jiu's tastes. With a curse he pulled out the last of his talismans and flung them towards the behemoth as it reared up over Liu Mingjin's crouching body, unhinging both its jaws to devour the young cultivator -

It never got the chance. Shen Jiu's talismans shot into its gory mouths and burst into true yang fire, scorching the beast from the inside out and causing its huge claws to slam down on the ground - again, where Liu Mingjin had just been - and rampage mindlessly in agony.

While the Taotie Tiger was busy destroying everything in sight, Shen Jiu backed away as quietly as he could; there was nothing more he could do at the moment, save call for Shizun to finish the job.

He scanned his surroundings to see where Liu Mingjin had ended up - in one piece still, hopefully, or Shen Jiu's next visit to Qian Cao would be very awkward - and sucked in his breath when he saw the boy staring after the beast with a grim expression and his hand on his sword's hilt.

"No!" Shen Jiu yelled. "Don't you fucking dare!"

But it was too late; Liu Mingjin had already withdrawn Cheng Luan, and the spiritual sword practically sang as it was released from its sheath on the boy's back, blade righteous and blinding and pure.

And then Liu Mingjin charged.

Shen Jiu could do nothing but watch, too exhausted to even think of getting in the way. If Liu Mingjin wanted to die here and now, then so be it.

By the time the Bai Zhan Peak Lord, Xu Ningchen, arrived with the rest of the senior cultivators, Liu Mingjin was wiping his blade on the hem of his robe - not that it mattered, since he was drenched from head to toe in gore, blood dripping off the end of his ragged ponytail - as he stood atop the corpse of the Two-Headed Taotie Tiger... while a dozen feet away, a visibly furious Shen Jiu was sitting on a boulder and gnawing on a bloodied fingernail and sending daggers towards his shixiong’s way.

Needless to say, the Peak Lord had questions for both of them.

*

"Mingjin, stay behind."

After the debriefing in the Peak Lord's tent, Shen Jiu stalked out in a huff without looking back. Liu Mingjin meant to chase after him, but Shizun's order caught him mid-step, and he returned back to his seat with slow feet and disappointment.

"Now then," Shizun said mildly. "Can you guess why Xiao Shen over there is so angry at you?"

Liu Mingjin frowned. Shizun had a quixotic way of addressing everyone, his own disciples included. He'd only ever called Liu Mingjin by his given name, but Xiao Shen... he didn't think Shen Jiu would like such a cutesy moniker like that. It didn't suit him at all.

"Begging Shizun's pardon," he said instead. "This disciple doesn't know."

"You don't know," the man countered. "Or are you just pretending not to because it worked out this time. Don't play dumb, Mingjin."

Liu Mingjin crossed his arms tight and looked away. "Shen Jiu... I mean, Shen-shidi didn't want me to go after the Taotie Tiger on my own. When we spotted it, he said we should have run back to you instead and let you handle it."

"Yes, that's usually how it's done," Shizun said drily. "Since you two are the youngest on the peak, even putting your cultivation aside. Why didn't you listen to him?"

"Because I could do it," Liu Mingjin said. "I knew I could kill the beast. And I didn't want to waste time trying to find you and the others again when I could have finished the job on my own."

"But you didn't.”

Liu Mingjin opened his mouth to protest, but Shizun raised his hand and shook his head.

"Mingjin," he said. "What do you think would have happened if Xiao Shen hadn't been there with you? If he hadn't kept his eye on you, used his talismans to wound the beast first so you could go after it without blowback? Do you think you could have killed it then?"

"I - yes," Liu Mingjin said, but it sounded hesitant even to his ears. "I mean, it would have taken longer but eventually I would have..."

"Before tonight," Shizun said, "that beast had killed a hundred people. I don't know what I would have said to my shixiong - your father - if you'd been one of them."

"But I wasn't," Liu Mingjin said. "I killed it. It's dead now, and it won't hurt people anymore."

A small, acute distress was building up in his core. The Taotie Tiger had been a terror to everyone in its path; he'd done the right thing by killing it as soon as he could, hadn't he? Yet Shizun just kept looking at him with that vaguely disappointed gaze, as if he just kept saying the wrong thing over and over again.

"If Xiao Shen had been the one to retrieve your corpse," Shizun said. "How do you think that would have made him feel?"

Liu Mingjin sucked in his breath. He had known Shen Jiu for six months now, enough for him to get a true sense of the boy beyond his acerbic demeanour and coarse language.

Shen Jiu was sharp-tongued and curt and vicious; he also loved nothing more than to curl up in the library with a book, and he often stayed after mealtimes in the dining hall to help the kitchen aunties clean up the tables.

Although it was clear he didn't have any prior knowledge of cultivation before he'd entered Bai Zhan, he was as hardworking and devoted to his training as anyone Liu Mingjin had seen. Sometimes even too much. Liu Mingjin had gotten into the habit of escorting Shen Jiu to Qian Cao to make sure the boy got his scrapes and wounds diagnosed properly and didn't just run away after he got a jar of salve and some bandages.

He was as close as Liu Mingjin had ever had to a comrade before. Even if Shen Jiu was two years older than him, and incredibly fussy about the strangest things, and liked to mock him about his height...

He was Liu Mingjin's friend. And he didn't want them to stop being friends for anything.

"There you go," Shizun said gently, when Liu Mingjin had lapsed into silence and gut-churning horror at the idea of his only friend abandoning him because he hadn't listened to him and made him angry. "Xiao Shen was trying to look out for you. Don't take that kind of consideration for granted, Mingjin. Especially when it might have just saved your life tonight."

He clasped Liu Mingjin on the shoulder with his large scarred hand. "Now go. And try not to put your foot in your mouth from now on, alright?"

"Yes, Shizun," Liu Mingjin said, and got up and left.

*

Shen Jiu was lying in his bedroll with his back to Liu Mingjin when he entered their small tent, but the boy wasn't sleeping.

Shen Jiu never fell asleep first, no matter how early he'd gotten into bed. Liu Mingjin had realised that a little after they'd started sharing a tent during missions away from the peak; for whatever reason, the boy always waited for Liu Mingjin to fall asleep first.

Liu Mingjin removed his boots and sat down on his own bedroll, unsure of what to say. Sorry? My bad?

Don't stop being my friend anymore?

"Hey," he tried instead. Shen Jiu's back twitched. Oh, he was listening then. Okay. "I, uh, should have listened to you, I guess," he began awkwardly. "What I did was dangerous, and I should have looked for Shizun with you."

"You don't believe that."

"Sorry?" Liu Mingjin was so fixated on his apology, he didn't hear what Shen Jiu had just said.

"I said, you don't believe any of that horseshit so don't try and pretend now," Shen Jiu snapped, giving up all pretense of sleep and getting up to turn and face him with a bitter look on his face. "Ask Shizun for help? Think first, act later? Listen to Shen Jiu? Oh please."

"... I listen to you all the time though," Liu Mingjin said finally, in a small voice.

Shen Jiu snorted. "Not when it matters. Those were my last talismans, did you even realise that? If the Taotie Tiger had been a little stronger, what I'd tried to do wouldn't have mattered. It would have gone after you and then me, and both of us would have died for nothing. And maybe your family would have had a huge funeral for you, but me - "

He went white and snapped his jaw shut. "Forget it," he muttered, lying on his side again and turning away again. "You want to be the big damn hero so much you can do it on your own next time. I'm not coming - "

"We make a good team," Liu Mingjin said. Shen Jiu froze.

"That's what I was really thinking," he continued. "Shizun said I would have died if you hadn't been looking out for me and he was probably right about that. I couldn't have killed the Taotie Tiger on my own. But we did it together."

"Me?" Shen Jiu said. "What did I do?"

"Used your last talismans to disable it so I could go in for the kill," Liu Mingjin said with a grin.

"That was so you could run away, idiot!"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"No it didn't, you stupid brat, you just got lucky! Ugh, I hate you!" Shen Jiu grabbed his pillow and threw it at Liu Mingjin, who grabbed it mid-air.

"I don't hate you."

"Good for you then, Young Master Liu."

"I don't," Liu Mingjin said. "You're my friend." His only one, in fact, but he wasn't going to let Shen Jiu know that.

Shen Jiu stiffened, then let out a long slow sigh.

Then: "Give me my pillow back already."

"Only if you forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, stupid." Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "I just didn't want to see you get squashed like a bug."

"Okay," Liu Mingjin said, tossing the pillow back. "Sure then."

Shen Jiu settled back into his bedroll and turned his back again so Liu Mingjin couldn't see his face. Again, he doubted the boy was remotely even close to sleep.

But it was fine. Liu Mingjin didn't feel like sleeping either. He ended up gazing at his friend's back for the rest of the night, wondering if the day would ever come where Shen Jiu no longer yelled at him.

If so, he hoped it wasn't because the other boy no longer cared about him.

Anything but that.

*

Only the Bai Zhan Peak Lord and his two youngest disciples would know the full story of how the Two-Headed Taotie Tiger had been slain, and their mixed feelings after.

To everyone else, however, it was the last proof needed that the young scion of the Liu clan was truly as brilliant as they said. His triumph over the rampaging beast was as good as having caught a fengluan in his net. He was now ready.

A week after they returned to Bai Zhan, the Peak Lord gave Liu Mingjin his courtesy name in public, among the vast numbers of senior cultivators and disciples present: from henceforth, he would be known as Liu Qingge, Head Disciple and successor of Bai Zhan Peak.

In the same public announcement, Shen Jiu was officially promoted to inner disciple, though he received only a smatter of clapping compared to the brat's crowning. It was fine. Liu Mingjin - Liu Qingge now, deserved the honours. He had just turned fifteen recently and grown a little too.

Shen Jiu stayed away for a few days regardless, at least until the noise died down. Now that Liu Qingge was officially the Head Disciple he'd have more mandatory duties, spend more time with Shizun and people outside of the peak.

And Shen Jiu would...

Well, he'd probably fade into the background, wouldn't he? He was almost seventeen now, and still years away from earning his sword, if ever. Being a spiritual cultivator on Bai Zhan meant he had little to guide him for comparison, even if Liu Qingge was the best sparring partner one could have.

Not to mention... Shen Jiu scuffed his boots on the ground as he walked back to his cave for the evening.

Being an inner disciple now meant he was now entitled to his own private room, but it would still be a small room barely bigger than a monk's cell, and he'd still be sleeping cheek to jowl with everyone else. It was just better to stay here. At least his cultivation had improved, so he could tolerate the chills and damp air better...

"Shen Jiu!"

Just as Shen Jiu was about to enter his cave he turned in shock to see Liu Qingge running - not walking, nor flying with Cheng Luan, but running! - towards him. Shen Jiu frowned when the boy came to a stop before him.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing," Liu Qingge said, a flush on his pale cheeks. "I just... haven't seen you around lately."

Yeah, well... "I figured you'd be busy," Shen Jiu muttered, looking down. "Not like you need me dragging you down anymore now that you're going to be the Peak Lord."

"Of course I need you," Liu Qingge said, then coughed. "I mean, you're not going to drag me down. Why would you even say that?"

Shen Jiu shrugged. "Are you done?"

"I guess," the youth said hesitantly. "I went by the senior dorms earlier, but I didn't see you. You haven't moved in yet?"

Shen Jiu didn't say anything.

Liu Qingge added, "I went to the junior dorms too. No one can even remember you ever staying there. Just... where do you live, then?"

Shen Jiu stared at him for a long, hard moment. Liu Qingge returned his gaze, steady and sure.

"Fine," Shen Jiu huffed when the boy refused to break his stare. "Follow me."

He entered the small cave that had been his makeshift home for nearly a year now.

After all this time it was still modest - Shen Jiu's bedroll with a bamboo mat below for padding; a pair of wooden chests stacked atop each other, where he kept his clothes and books; a stack of firewood in a corner, and so on...

It was rough living, made tolerable only by the fact it had a good vantage point and was far enough from the main part of the peak that no one had ever wandered in on Shen Jiu's home, even by accident.

Liu Qingge looked around the cave with his usual blank face, only to say at the end, "Were you sleeping here? Even when you had that cracked rib?"

Shen Jiu shrugged again. "Where else would I have stayed?"

"No wonder it took so long for you to heal," Liu Qingge said, grimacing. "How can you even sleep here? Why not just stay with the others?"

By now Shen Jiu's antipathy to the other Bai Zhan disciples was well-known; even so, Liu Qingge looked stupefied.

"I need my own space more than I need warmth or comfort," Shen Jiu said finally, because he wasn't going to tell Liu Qingge - nor anyone else, ever - the real reason why. "Plus," he smiled crookedly. "I'm a Bai Zhan cultivator. You think a little rain and cold can hurt me?"

"Still," Liu Qingge insisted. "You're going to get sick because of this place one day."

Shen Jiu laughed. "Okay, I'll get sick then. What are you going to do about it?"

"You could move in with me," Liu Qingge blurted out.

Shen Jiu's smile froze. "Sorry?"

"I'm the Head Disciple now, I can have my own space if I want. I didn't move out of the senior dorms because I don't have a lot of things, but if you wanted, we could move in together. There are a lot of old cottages around that no one uses anymore. Or we could build a new place..."

Shen Jiu gaped. "And Shizun would allow that?"

Liu Qingge boggled. "Why would he care? You're from Bai Zhan too, and my friend. Come on, just do it. Don't tell me you actually enjoy living here."

Of course he didn't. But Shen Jiu hadn't been lying when he said he valued his space above all things first. And yet...

Sharing a tent with another disciple was inevitable when going on a mission. Luckily, Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge had always been assigned on missions together and shared a tent, and while Shen Jiu still never fell asleep before the other boy...

He didn't distrust him at night. Not like he would anyone else.

Shen Jiu gnawed on his lower lip until it was bloody. And thought, and thought, and thought...

"Hey," Liu Qingge said, gesturing to his own mouth. "Your lip's bleeding."

Shen Jiu licked the blood away absently. "I want my own bedroom," he said.

"Okay," Liu Qingge said. "We'll find a place with two bedrooms then. What else?"

Shen Jiu considered it. "Our own bathing room, with a big tub. I don't want to share water with anyone else."

"Me either. Do you want a kitchen too? What about a kang bed? Or..."

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "You're thinking too much. I just want our place to be left alone, so no one disturbs us. Everything else can come after."

"Yeah, okay," Liu Qingge said. "That makes sense." He hesitated, then added, "Are you going to sleep out here tonight?"

"Of course," Shen Jiu said.

"Then..." The boy scratched the bridge of his nose, seemingly shy about what he was about to say next. "Can I too? Just for tonight?"

".... sure." Shen Jiu squinted at him suspiciously. "But don't cry to me if it's too rough for you."

"I won't," Liu Qingge assured him.

*

Three days later, they moved their belongings into an old three-room house once used by a cultivator and his family a generation past, but fallen into disuse after they'd left the peak.

The main house was small, with a central parlour and bedrooms on either side, but it had two adjacent small buildings facing each other, like in a courtyard; one was the kitchen, the other the bathing room with its own stove for heating water.

The place was dusty, with rickety old furniture and cobwebbed walls and windows; everything needed a good scrubbing and airing out just to start; the kitchen stove looked like it needed to be broken down and rebuilt entirely.

But the house was a comfortable ways into the forest, and there was enough space in the bedroom Shen Jiu had claimed for his own that he could not only have a bed large enough to stretch his limbs, but also a desk and a bookshelf. He wouldn't have to hide his belongings away in a chest for fear it got damaged or stolen anymore.

On the other side of the house, Liu Qingge had a similar bedroom. And in the parlour there was a luohan bed, and a table and chairs they could dine at, or look over maps and read together. When you thought about it like that, it wasn't a bad place at all.

"Well?" said Liu Qingge when he came inside, and found Shen Jiu opening one of the window shutters to let in light and air. "Is it good or should we find another place?"

"It's going to need a lot of work," Shen Jiu said. "But I like it. Let's stay here, Qingge."

And smiled.

Chapter Text

"Is all of this really necessary?" Liu Qingge huffed as Shen Jiu hovered around him and put the final touches in place.

"Of course it is," Shen Jiu snapped. "You're going for your first meeting with the other Head Disciples; you need to look perfect."

He stepped back, finally satisfied with his work, while a bemused Liu Qingge crossed his arms. Though he usually had a neat appearance anyways, Shen Jiu wanted to polish the boy up for the occasion, had put a braid in his ponytail and exchanged his usual white ribbon for a silver guan. A jet and black silk waist pendant hung from his belt, and the collar of his outer robe was embroidered with fine grey thread. He looked a proper Head Disciple now, and couldn't easily be mistaken for anyone else on Bai Zhan.

"There," Shen Jiu said smugly. "Now you look good."

"If you say so." Liu Qingge turned his head to and fro, clearly not liking the weight of the guan on his head. "It's not like we'll be doing anything important though. I'm just there to introduce myself."

"So you want to make a good first impression, idiot," Shen Jiu said, and slapped him on the shoulder. "Now get going."

Liu Qingge rolled his eyes. "You sure you don't want to come?"

Shen Jiu grimaced. "Why would I? Not like I'd be allowed inside the meeting hall anyway, and I don't want to wander Qiong Ding on my own for hours. Just get out of here."

"Fine, fine." Liu Qingge threw up his hands in surrender. "Are we meeting back here or the dining hall?"

"The dining hall. It's braised pork ribs and sweet and sour fish tonight. I'll save you a nice spot."

"Sure you will," Liu Qingge snorted. "Okay, see you later then."

"See you," Shen Jiu said, and waved him off.

*

It had been a month since they had moved into their cottage together, and Shen Jiu couldn't be happier.

It wasn't as if everything was perfect, no. It had taken them a while to clean everything up and get used to living with each other. Though they both had their own bedroom, only a simple wooden partition separated each room from the parlour and by extension, each other.

Which meant Shen Jiu could hear whenever Liu Qingge got up - far too early - to do his morning exercises, and conversely, Shen Jiu's studying with his night pearl and the scritch-scratch of his charcoal pencil taking notes would keep the other boy awake late into the night if he wasn't careful.

Liu Qingge had very few things and kept them all in his room, where, after a year of living in a fucking cave and always worrying about his belongings becoming damaged or eaten by rats, Shen Jiu was glad just to be able to display his things out and about for once.

He'd earned a hefty sum of coin from his share of what the Taotie Tiger's corpse ultimately went for, and went down to town for the first time since he'd arrived on Bai Zhan. After buying his necessities, including a proper set of thick, comfortable bedding he could curl up in for years to come, Shen Jiu had indulged and bought a white porcelain vase. So many wild flowers grew in and around Bai Zhan's forests, and he just wanted to decorate their place a little.

(Flowers were alright with Liu Qingge. Incense, less so, since he found the scent distracting when he meditated. While for Shen Jiu, burning incense was a nostalgic comfort, a reminder of the only time he felt at peace under Wu Yanzi, when the man would spend the night at a brothel.

Wu Yanzi, when he was feeling charitable, would pay for Shen Jiu too, to have his "urges" relieved, when the only urges Shen Jiu ever indulged in was the rare opportunity to get a good night's sleep, surrounded by older women who only ever held him in their arms like San-jie would.

It was fine, not burning incense. Shen Jiu learned to compromise by drying flower petals and stuffing them into embroidered sachets he would hang from the walls here and there. The smell wasn't as strong to Liu Qingge, and Shen Jiu could have his little bit of comfort.)

Sometimes they bickered, like when they both wanted to bathe at the same time and Shen Jiu refused to wash up together despite Liu Qingge being baffled at his "fussiness". After a few explosive attempts in the kitchen too, they both realised they were better off sticking to the dining hall for sustenance and using the kitchen to store snacks and boil water for tea.

(Not to mention Shen Jiu finally found out how Liu Qingge kept his robes so white the first time they did laundry together. Apparently the boy had always had his things washed by one of the kitchen aunties, and had never cleaned his own clothes nor bedding.

Forcing Liu Qingge to hang up their things to dry on a bamboo pole outside after washing them had one of the funniest things Shen Jiu had ever done. The boy had looked scandalised by his own sleeping robes!)

But overall, they got on better than Shen Jiu could have ever imagined. They were both neat people at the end of the day, and Liu Qingge gave him his way most of the time anyway.

It was strange too, how despite the boy's impossible strength and ferocity in battle, Shen Jiu had never really feared the prospect of sleeping near him at night. Not like other men, anyway.

Maybe it was because Liu Qingge was still a brat whose voice was cracking more and more nowadays, maybe because he seemed like the kind of person who thought babies were born by praying to a shrine together with your spouse and nothing else.

Or maybe because, at the end of the day, nothing was funnier than pinching his still-soft cheeks and him glaring and huffing like an offended cat. He was such a baby!

Of course, Liu Qingge wouldn't stay small forever. But it was nice to have someone Shen Jiu could consider a didi.

He never thought he could care about another person like that, not after - well, you know. But he did. And he hoped it could last a little longer, just the two of them and no one else.

*

"Finally, something that matters," Liu Qingge said a month later.

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes as they walked to Qiong Ding together with their group. It was the annual inter-peak competition, and the first one held since Shen Jiu came to Bai Zhan a year ago.

Last year, apparently, Liu Qingge had won; he'd drawn Cheng Luan from Wan Jian only a month prior and dominated the competition, even his seniors from all over Cang Qiong.

It was all the grander showing, because the competition was split in two: between competitors who had a spiritual sword, and those who didn't. Liu Qingge would have still been new to his sword while facing seniors ten or even twenty years older than him. And yet, he'd crushed all of them, and without breaking a sweat.

"Last year was easy," Liu Qingge scoffed, when someone brought it up. "Last year, Yue-shixiong didn't compete. But he said he would, this time - "

Shen Jiu froze mid-step. "What?"

Someone bumped into him from behind, and Liu Qingge grabbed him by the elbow and hurried him along. "There's no point defending the crown otherwise," he said. "But he said he'd join when I asked him at the last Head Disciple meeting. What about you?"

Shen Jiu had been in a numb haze. "I - huh?"

"You'll be in the novice bracket." Otherwise known as the non-spiritual sword part of the competition.

Shen Jiu had been automatically entered by Shizun, his own opinion be damned, and he'd be facing other disciples who hadn't earned their spiritual sword yet. That didn't mean they'd be children, or teenagers like him either.

Some cultivators, even if they were adults, simply never had the aptitude to attract a spiritual sword to align with them. They could be dangerous nonetheless.

"You should win," Liu Qingge said. "I've seen the entry list. No one can match up to you."

"And how do you know that?" Shen Jiu demanded, trying to distract himself. "I've only been on Bai Zhan for a year."

"That's as good as five years everywhere else," Liu Qingge said. He even smiled a little. "The winner of the novice bracket even gets the chance to face the winner of the main competition."

"What? That sounds like a bloodbath!"

"It's just for show, mostly," Liu Qingge said with a shrug. "But think about it."

"Well, if I win my bracket, then I'm putting a talisman in your boots so you get stuck to the ground," Shen Jiu groused.

"As if I couldn't just fight you in my socks. And win."

"Really? I dare you then. Just try it."

*

Apart from Qian Cao, Shen Jiu had never been on another peak but Bai Zhan before. And so, as the dozens of competitors milled around the main waiting area, he stood on his own - Liu Qingge had gone off to talk to Shizun - and tried not to pluck at the hem of his sleeves in nervousness.

Objectively, he had nothing to fear. If Liu Qingge, prodigy of Bai Zhan said so himself, then Shen Jiu was confident in his would-be victory already.

It was just…

Liu Qingge would most certainly be facing Yue Qingyuan in a fight. And Shen Jiu would have to watch them, and wonder who he truly wanted to win.

Liu Qingge was the kind of genius born once a thousand years; he had slain the Two-Headed Taotie Tiger himself, even if Shen Jiu had softened up the beast for him prior.

But Yue Qingyuan was the Xuan Su Sword. Even Wu Yanzi had known about his exploits when they'd run into each other.

Shen Jiu had done his best to avoid all sight and sound of Yue Qingyuan since he'd entered Bai Zhan. He never asked about him during Liu Qingge's meetings with the other Head Disciples, nor did he ever dilly-dally around the Rainbow Bridge and wait to be spotted by the other youth.

Just... what was there to say to each other anymore? Yue Qingyuan had made it clear what he thought of Shen Jiu when he refused to tell him why he hadn't come back for him, when he just smiled and said he was sorry like any of that meant anything.

Like Shen Jiu had ever meant anything to him.

All those nights he endured Qiu Jianluo's beatings and wandering hands, he fantasised about what Qi-ge would do to the nobleman when he came back to the Qiu estate, that he would beat him to a pulp and take Shen Jiu back to his beautiful sect with him hand-in-hand.

In truth, Shen Jiu had only been an embarrassing reminder of the dirty past he was glad to leave behind, their reunion sheer happenstance alone.

Promising Shen Jiu that he would end up in Qing Jing and become a Head Disciple one day had only been Yue Qingyuan's newest and most extravagant lie, to distract Shen Jiu and quell his anger until he could wash his hands of him again.

Well, whatever. Shen Jiu was in Bai Zhan now, and he had not only refused to duck from the challenge of living in a peak that offended his every sensibility, but thrived within it. He was a spiritual cultivator amidst a pack of knuckleheads, but he wouldn't let anyone think he was an empty vase in comparison, too frail to get his hands dirty or finish the job on his own.

And he had Liu Qingge.

That was right. Shen Jiu's heart softened, thinking of the other boy. He had a friend now, a precocious brat with more strength than sense, but someone who'd cared about him from the beginning.

Liu Qingge didn't have the wits nor want to scheme either; if he no longer wanted to be friends with Shen Jiu, he'd just say so.

He wouldn't just... leave him hanging, for years on end, and make him think he mattered when he never had.

Yes, Shen Jiu thought. He'd be just fine from now on with Liu Qingge at his side.

*

Of course, speak of the devil and he shall arrive.

"Shen-shidi? Is that you?"

Someone tapped Shen Jiu on the shoulder. He turned, only to freeze when Yue Qingyuan stood in front of him with a hopeful smile, and Liu Qingge next to him with his arms crossed and a bemused expression.

"Shen-shidi?" Yue Qingyuan repeated, when Shen Jiu didn't respond.

"I didn't know you two knew each other," Liu Qingge said. "Since when?"

"We don't," Shen Jiu snapped the same moment Yue Qingyuan politely demurred - his face taking on a rigid placidity after Shen Jiu's immediate rejection.

"... okay," Liu Qingge coughed after seeing their exchange. "Well, you're going to watch my rounds then, won't you?"

"Of course I will," Shen Jiu said, shooting Yue Qingyuan a cold look to make him go away; the boy stood there nonetheless, refusing to take the hint. "You, watch me too."

"I will," Liu Qingge assured him. "Remember though, you're not allowed to use talismans. It's considered cheating."

"Because putting up children against grown men isn't considered cheating just because they both don't have spiritual swords, right." Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine either way."

"Are you participating in the competition too, Shen-shidi?" Yue Qingyuan said.

"Yeah," Liu Qingge said when Shen Jiu refused to speak. "He'll be in the novice bracket. He'll win too, if he does everything right." He raised a brow. "Which you'd better, if you want to face me at the end of the day."

"As if I didn't trip you on your feet the last two times we sparred," Shen Jiu sniffed.

"You two spar together?" Yue Qingyuan said.

"All the time," Liu Qingge said. "We even live together, actually - "

"Qingge!" Shen Jiu snapped.

Liu Qingge blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I think I saw Mu-shidi asking after you earlier," he said sweetly. "Go after him, won't you?"

Liu Qingge balked. "Why? Aren't you his problem patient? What does he have against me anyway..."

He walked off nevertheless, muttering under his breath as he did.

The moment he did so Shen Jiu turned heel and stalked away, refusing to look back, even as he heard Yue Qingyuan cry out, "Wait, Shen-shidi - " and walk after him - then come to a halt, and let himself disappear in the crowd.

It was all too late. Whatever Yue Qingyuan wanted to say to him here and now, Shen Jiu didn't want to hear it.

He'd had enough disappointment for a lifetime.

*

As Liu Qingge predicted, Shen Jiu won his bracket, though not without a few scratches along the way.

The fights hadn't been so bad, though facing his final opponent, a forty-year-old An Ding cultivator whose arms were thicker than both of Shen Jiu's thighs put together, had made him roll his eyes. Just what exactly qualified them to be put in a fight together?

Shen Jiu put him on his back nonetheless and walked away the victor.

The crowd scrutiny on him was... dizzying. Even though the novice bracket only held a modicum of the main bracket's interest, thousands of fellow disciples and cultivators had seen him in public for the first time and watched him fight.

And win.

No one had really cheered for him in the beginning, not knowing who he was, but after Liu Qingge clapped for him and it was made clear to the crowd Shen Jiu was friends with the prodigy of Bai Zhan - as well as the fact that he kept winning - the applause grew louder and louder, until it was positively deafening by the time he won his final match.

(Though he didn't quite understand why there were so many cheers from Xian Shu's section? Shen Jiu's looks were tolerable, but nothing compared to Liu Qingge at all...)

Then there was a quarter-shichen for intermission while the fighting ring got cleaned up and the audience went to get refreshments and gossip.

Shen Jiu didn't get anything for his victory save for a proud thump on the shoulder from Shizun that nearly knocked him off his feet, and an alarmingly green energy tonic from Mu Siwen to help his after-fight recovery go by faster so he could watch the main bracket fights without his muscles trying to devour themselves in hunger.

Once he'd finished his cooldown stretches, Shen Jiu went to look for Liu Qingge in the Bai Zhan competitors' tent.

The youth was just standing with his arms crossed and eyes closed - he always did like to meditate a bit before delivering his opponents the most humiliating knockout fight of their life. "Qingge."

Shen Jiu approached, and Liu Qingge opened his eyes slowly and looked at him. "What's up?"

Shen Jiu already knew he would get to the final match, so there was no point feigning false humility. "When you fight Yue-shixiong," he said. "I want you to give it everything you've got."

"Already planned to." Liu Qingge studied him. "Shen Jiu..."

Shen Jiu knew what he was thinking. "Shut up. I know, I know," he said, hiding his clenched fists behind his back. "I just want you to win, okay? You've always worked so hard; you deserve this."

Liu Qingge smiled faintly. "This is Cang Qiong," he said, sounding almost like an adult. "Everyone works hard. Yue-shixiong, too. He pulled out Xuan Su after only a year of training, you know that? You don't do that by dumb luck alone."

"Okay?" Shen Jiu scowled. Who even cared about Xuan Su to begin with? Wasn't Cheng Luan so much better? "I'll be rooting for you though. You're not allowed to lose."

"I won't," Liu Qingge said. "I promise."

And then the bell rang, and the first of the competitors went out. Shen Jiu still had a little more time before it was Liu Qingge's turn, but for some reason he couldn't say anything else. All he could do, when it was finally Liu Qingge's turn to fight, was tell the youth he'd be watching him.

"As if that's new," Liu Qingge said, but he was grinning. "Okay, see you later then."

"See you," Shen Jiu said, and watched him walk out of the tent with his heart in his lungs regardless.

*

Generally, fights with an overpowered opponent can go one of two ways:

First - brutal, immediate demolition. Tiger devours rabbit, man overcomes child. There's nothing to it, nothing left to be said. It's not even a fight.

Second - predatory playfulness through sheer dominance. A cat batting around a mouse before it kills it for a meal. A hunter taking his time tracking down wounded prey.

Knowing that how much your opponent tries, there's nothing they can do against you, so why not take your time? After all, you have time.

Yue Qingyuan's fight against Liu Qingge was the worst of both worlds.

Shen Jiu wanted to scream.

For as long as he'd been on Bai Zhan, Liu Qingge had been his definition of godly, unbelievable strength. Sure, Shizun was stronger, but he was an adult cultivator, eons and eons older than them and soon to ascend anyway.

But among their generation, Liu Qingge was the prodigy among prodigies; he had achieved his golden core at thirteen, drew a first-rate sword like Cheng Luan at fourteen, and slew the man-killing Two-Headed Taotie Tiger on his own.

He was Shen Jiu's very concept of strength.

But Yue Qingyuan was the Xuan Su Sword. And seeing him parse through Liu Qingge's every action with his gaze before gently diverting the boy's movement with the slightest turn of his body alone, pushing Liu Qingge off-kilter by simply nudging his sword wrist to and fro - made Shen Jiu realise something important: it wasn't merely that Yue Qingyuan had been a gifted swordsman that night he fought with Wu Yanzi, that he could have easily overcome the demonic cultivator had they fought fair and square, and Wu Yanzi nearly triumphed through trickery alone -

but a year had passed since then, and Yue Qingyuan had only gotten even better.

He no longer fought like a swordsman out of a book, in practiced and regular movements anyone could recognise at first glance. He moved calmly and fluidly and without wasted movement, elegant as a crane the way he stepped around Liu Qingge's sword thrusts and made the boy stumble without touching him at all. Liu Qingge was running himself ragged, and without earning a single blow back in turn.

And the worst part was, Yue Qingyuan wasn't even using his sword.

It would be one thing not to unsheathe Xuan Su. Apparently Yue Qingyuan had only done that when he drew the sword for the first time, and Wan Jian rumbled and nearly collapsed in on itself - the sword was just that powerful, and dangerous to be around.

But he didn't even draw it while sheathed. Yue Qingyuan fought unarmed - though to call what they were doing even a fight was a mockery of the term.

In the end, what ended the match was Yue Qingyuan simply realising that Liu Qingge wouldn't give up until he collapsed, and stepping behind the boy and pinching the small of his neck until his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he passed out.

Liu Qingge didn't even fall to the ground; Yue Qingyuan held onto him carefully with one hand, an unsheathed Cheng Luan in his other as healers from Qian Cao ran into the ring to take the unconscious boy from him.

Last year's champion was blown out like a candle, just like that.

*

Shen Jiu ran to the Qian Cao tent at once, where thankfully Mu Siwen was the one attending to his cousin.

"Oh, Shen-shixiong." The youth smiled wanly at the sight of Shen Jiu. "Don't worry, he'll be alright. More embarrassed than anything at the outcome, I think."

Lying in a patient's cot, Liu Qingge had never looked so small before, even though he and Shen Jiu had been involved in far more dangerous situations before. He'd never been humiliated like that with so many people watching either though...

Shen Jiu swallowed his rage and tried to stay calm; there was no point making a scene and getting kicked out of the tent when Qingge needed him.

And then another Qian Cao disciple came in. "Mu-shixiong, I have his sword with me. Where do I put it?"

"Over here, please," Mu Siwen said, directing his shidi to the nearby basket holding Liu Qingge's robes and boots.

Only for Shen Jiu to turn and snap, "Give it here." He grabbed Cheng Luan from the idiot - he wasn't even holding it correctly - and jammed it back into its sheath.

And then. He thought about it.

"Ah, Shen-shixiong, I have a plan I want you to follow just in case Liu-shixiong has any sequelae from this," Mu Siwen said, lifting his head from taking Liu Qingge's pulse. "Shen-shixiong?"

He looked around the tent in bafflement; for some reason or another, Shen Jiu had already disappeared.

*

The Qiong Ding Peak Lord was in the centre of the fighting ring with Yue Qingyuan when Shen Jiu entered, speaking to the crowd after his flawless victory.

Yue Qingyuan even looked happy when he spotted Shen Jiu. "Shizun," he said, sounding a little breathless. "He's here now."

"Qingyuan's little friend." Somehow, the amused glance that came Shen Jiu's way set his teeth on edge even more so what he was about to do next. "Come along and stand next to him. You've both made a decent showing today - "

Had they? Well, Shen Jiu was about to ruin her day then.

"Zhangmen-shigu," he said, projecting his voice loud and clear so no one could mishear him, so no one could say he hadn't done enough to defend Liu Qingge's honour. "I won my bracket, and claim my right to challenge the victor of the main bracket. I want to fight Yue-shixiong."

Yue Qingyuan's giddy smile froze the moment Shen Jiu spoke; the crowd fell quiet too. The Qiong Ding Peak Lord just looked at him, however, and said, "That certainly is your right. But you're not following ceremony here, are you?"

No, he wasn't. According to how it was usually done, the final match between the winners of the two brackets was for sportsmanship's sake alone; the winner of the novice bracket would either make a blatant token effort at keeping up or prematurely forfeit the match, so no one had to see them actually go up against someone thrice their calibre and the audience's good mood get ruined by an unfair beatdown.

Shen Jiu didn't care, however.

"I want to fight Yue-shixiong," he said again, and after a long, hard moment where the Qiong Ding Peak Lord stared at him with cool black eyes, she turned her head and laughed.

It was not a nice laugh.

"So be it," she said, and put a hand on Yue Qingyuan's shoulder, giving him a quick squeeze. "Do what you must."

"Yes, Shizun," Yue Qingyuan said. His face had gone blank now, and he gazed at Shen Jiu as if he was looking through him and seeing nothing.

Like Shen Jiu was worth nothing.

And then his teacher walked away, making a sign to someone in the crowd.

The final bell of the day rang.

*

The moment Shen Jiu unsheathed Cheng Luan in front of everyone, he knew he was cheating.

He was the winner of the novice bracket - the non-spiritual sword bracket. He had no right to use a spiritual sword, much less anyone else's sword, just because he was facing the winner of the main bracket, someone inevitably far stronger than him by sheer ability alone.

And yet, even as Cheng Luan's spiritual qi flooded Shen Jiu's veins in approval - recognising him as a fellow comrade, a friend of Liu Qingge's, even if she didn't wholly approve of the nonsense he was attempting to pull on the boy's behalf - Yue Qingyuan stood motionless, and said nothing.

Didn't signal to his teacher or anyone else to stop the match, because Shen Jiu was cheating, using an advantage he shouldn't have had and didn't deserve.

He just. Stood there, even after the bell rang.

And let Shen Jiu attack.

If Yue Qingyuan's fight against Liu Qingge had been like a cat with a mouse, one too dignified to bat the small thing around but merely redirect its tiny punches, then Yue Qingyuan with Shen Jiu was a tiger with a fly.

The moment Shen Jiu swung Cheng Luan down on Yue Qingyuan's shoulders, the youth just lifted his hand, and caught the blade in between two fingers and held him still.

"Shidi," he said. "This isn't necessary."

Shen Jiu gaped in shock. He attempted to jerk Cheng Luan out of Yue Qingyuan's grip and failed, boots scrabbling against the ground ineffectively.

Yue Qingyuan's fingers didn't even bleed.

"I'm sorry if I upset you," he said in a sombre voice, with those stupid black eyes like a cow. "I just wanted to talk to you earlier. You look like you're doing well on Bai Zhan. Apparently Liu-shidi and you are good friends. That makes me happy."

"Shut up," Shen Jiu said, humiliated by his sheer inability to even wrench Cheng Luan away from the youth. "Don't talk about him!"

"I won't, then." Yue Qingyuan released the sword and sent Shen Jiu sprawling into the dirt from inertia alone. "Shidi, do we really have to do this? I don't want to fight you - "

Shen Jiu threw a fist full of dirt in his eyes.

A horrified gasp tore through the entire audience; there were enough viewing screens as well as canny-eyed cultivators for them to pick up on nearly everything Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan were doing up close.

Including seeing Yue Qingyuan blink away the dirt from his eyes without changing his expression, and try again, "Shen-shidi - "

"Fuck you, who do you think you are!" Shen Jiu snarled. "Are you going to fight me or lecture me to death? Who asked you to talk anyway?"

He attacked with Cheng Luan again - only this time Yue Qingyuan caught his sword wrist with one hand and pulled the other behind his back, immobilising Shen Jiu entirely.

"You've made a good name for yourself today," Yue Qingyuan whispered, soft, into his ear. "Don't ruin it now. Please, forfeit."

Shen Jiu responded by bashing his head into Yue Qingyuan's face.

The youth let go of him, stunned, and allowed Shen Jiu to scramble back into a defensive stance. When he did, Yue Qingyuan was holding a hand up to his nose, blood dripping through his fingers.

"You got me," he said blankly.

Shen Jiu laughed despite himself. No one had come even close to scratching Yue Qingyuan, much less winning first blood.

Yet he just had.

He grew bold after that, especially when he realised Yue Qingyuan wasn't using his cultivation to speed up the healing process on his noseblood.

In short, he was now handicapped, if only for a moment.

Shen Jiu chased him throughout the ring, slicing through the hems of his robes, his sleeves, nicking him here and there. Nothing that made a real dent, of course, but Yue Qingyuan no longer looked so obnoxiously calm, so aloof and above it all.

A quick look at the Qiong Ding Peak Lord sitting with her peers revealed it all - her own expression had gone dull with non-emotion.

Ah. So that was where he'd learned it from.

No matter.

"Draw your sword, coward," Shen Jiu shouted. "Or forfeit."

Yue Qingyuan smiled ruefully at him, the lower half of his face stained with drying blood. "I'm not doing either of that, shidi."

He no longer attempted to stop Shen Jiu by physically redirecting him, choosing to stay away and try to tire him out through distance alone.

So Shen Jiu ran after him, frustration building up as the match went on. He lost sense of the crowd, the rules, and when Yue Qingyuan darted away from him one last time, Shen Jiu screamed with impotent rage and grabbed the talismans in his pockets, charging them up and flinging them towards Yue Qingyuan in a flash.

They weren't even true yang fire talismans, just a pair of firecracker-like things Shen Jiu had idly written down the day before.

But Yue Qingyuan hadn't been expecting them - of course not, when talismans were cheating - and the sudden burst of noise and smoke in his face caught him off guard and sent him stumbling to the ground.

Shen Jiu immediately tackled him when he went down, pinning him down with his legs and shoving Cheng Luan's blade under Yue Qingyuan's throat.

"Yield," he snarled. "Yield, or I cut your throat right now."

And Yue Qingyuan just stared up at him with eyes like pools of infinite darkness, and whispered, "I yield."

And as the blood rang in Shen Jiu's ears, as his heart began to hammer a thousand paces in the cage of his body, the boos erupted in the audience like a breaking dam.

Thousands of people in chaotic tandem, screaming everything there was to scream about Shen Jiu: that he was a cheat, a disgrace, an insult to Bai Zhan's reputation and his teacher’s very name.

And all Shen Jiu could think was: Qingge would hate this.

All of this. Using a sword he'd never earned the right to in the first place, using talismans even though he already knew it was against the rules. Fighting an opponent who wouldn't fight back, chasing after him like a mad dog that needed to be put down.

So trite, to think he'd been avenging Liu Qingge's loss all this time. He'd just been making a fool of himself and shaming his friend by association.

What a waste. What a waste the whole day had been, if Shen Jiu chose to end it like this.

He slid Cheng Luan away from Yue Qingyuan's throat, let him breathe in peace. Got up and away from him, and watched with dull eyes as Yue Qingyuan rubbed at his throat, gasping, then said, lost and desperate, "Xiao Jiu? Are you okay?"

It didn't matter. Everything Liu Qingge had worked for the past year no longer meant anything in the face of Shen Jiu's disgrace. He'd ruined it for both of them.

Shen Jiu said, "I forfeit," and walked away.

*

When Liu Qingge woke up, he was alone in the healers' tent, and thirsty as hell.

Getting dressed and finding everyone took some time, and when he asked Shizun where Shen Jiu was, even the man looked pained and said, "Xiao Shen probably went home. It's been a long day for everyone."

"Okay," Liu Qingge said. Then, "Where's my sword?"

He ended up walking back to Bai Zhan on his own, refusing the post-competition festivities and food and drink people offered him. There were a few strange looks and whispers cast his way as he left, but he ignored them all.

Not like he didn't deserve them in any case. The way he'd gone down to Yue-shixiong had been... undignified, to put it shortly.

He wondered when the day would come when the two of them finally matched up as equals. When the Xuan Su Sword would look at Liu Qingge as a real opponent and take him seriously.

A while, he guessed. Most things worth fighting for did.

Cheng Luan lay on his bed, clean and polished as a whistle, when he returned to the home he shared with Shen Jiu.

He couldn't find hide nor hair of the other boy however, so Liu Qingge tracked him down by his qi signature, wandering through Bai Zhan's many forest paths until at last, he found Shen Jiu back in the old cave where he used to live.

"Hey," Liu Qingge said when he saw his friend again. "Where were you?"

Shen Jiu looked terrible, huddling in a corner of the cave in the dark. He hadn't changed his robes from the competition, and they were caked in dirt and dried blood, though at least the latter didn't seem to be his.

His face was flushed and his nose pink as if he'd just bawled his eyes out, though Liu Qingge had never seen Shen Jiu so much as shed a tear out of exhaustion before.

Just what had happened to him when Liu Qingge was passed out?

Liu Qingge sat down beside him and nudged him lightly on the shoulder. Shen Jiu shuddered but didn't shove him off, which was good. Whenever he was angry with Liu Qingge he would just stalk off in a huff, and not speak to him for the rest of the day.

So it wasn't him. That was good.

"Uh, sorry," Liu Qingge said finally, when the silence grew even too awkward for him to bear. "I didn't exactly give Yue-shixiong the beatdown you were looking for."

Shen Jiu sniffled. "It's fine," he rasped. His voice sounded terrible.

(He had definitely been crying then.)

Liu Qingge had never comforted anyone in distress before, didn't know how to. "You did really well," he said. "I wish we could have fought against each other in public with everyone watching. It would have been fun."

"No fun," Shen Jiu mumbled. "Wouldn't have been able to match up against you anyway."

"Of course you could have," Liu Qingge said. "You do it every day. Maybe if everything went your way, you could have even won."

"Maybe." Shen Jiu laughed a little, nose scrunching up as he did. "Nothing ever goes my way though."

He leaned against Liu Qingge as he spoke, bony shoulder jutting against his.

"Qingge..." he said in a faint voice.

"Yeah?" Liu Qingge's heart was beating right in his ears. "What is it?"

"I was just thinking..." Shen Jiu mumbled. "You're a really good kid. There aren't a lot of people like you out there."

Liu Qingge grimaced. "You say that like you're not one of them."

"I'm not, though."

Shen Jiu gazed at the darkness outside the cave as he spoke, at something Liu Qingge couldn't see.

"I wish I was like you sometimes," the older boy said. "Wish I didn't let things get to me, wish I didn't care so much about things that don't matter. Wish I could just be good and not worry about people who don't care about me."

"Who is it." Liu Qingge's throat tightened up. "Who doesn't care about you?"

"No one," Shen Jiu whispered. "No one who matters anymore."

It didn't seem that way to him. Liu Qingge let him be however, and put his outer robe around Shen Jiu's shoulders when he shivered as the night grew chill around them.

"Don't get cold," he said absurdly, when the other boy looked at him in faint surprise.

"You can just go back to the house," Shen Jiu said. "You don't have to stay here with me."

Liu Qingge knew that. He shrugged anyway. "I want to."

"Okay," Shen Jiu said with a wan smile, and leaned closer to him.

Even though it was cold out, Liu Qingge's face felt warm. He didn't know why. He just knew that this situation felt... kind of nice.

"Qingge?" Shen Jiu mumbled eventually, after a long mutual silence.

"Mm?" Liu Qingge yawned, feeling sleepy. "What is it?"

"Don't ever change."

"Everyone changes." Liu Qingge looked at Shen Jiu, confused. "I'm not going to be this small forever, you know."

"I don't mean like that, silly." Shen Jiu snuck his hand into Liu Qingge's, lacing their fingers together. "I mean... just stay simple and honest and good like this forever. It would be really, really nice if you did that for me."

"I guess. What about you?"

"Me?" Shen Jiu said. "I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know who or what I want to be." He shook his head. "I guess... I'd just be happy if you stayed my friend. Even if no one liked me."

Liu Qingge's heart skipped a beat. "I can do that," he said. "Though if people don't like you, that's their problem. They're the ones missing out on someone special."

"Yeah." Shen Jiu smiled. "Yeah, I guess you'd see it like that, wouldn't you."

They stayed like that all night, shoulder to shoulder and hand in hand, watching the stars from dusk to dawn and never leaving each other's side even for a moment.

And Liu Qingge too, wanted the way he felt that night to last forever.

Chapter Text

When Liu Qingge woke, he was in his bedroom, and alone.

Strange. He couldn't remember when exactly he'd fallen asleep but he had, and somewhere along the way Shen Jiu must have carried him back to their house and tucked him into bed.

The thought was a little embarrassing. Liu Qingge hoped he hadn't drooled on the boy's clothes while he'd been out or anything like that.

The sun was still in the east when he left the house after getting ready for the day, so he couldn't have slept for too long.

He jogged towards the main part of the peak, slowing his steps when he saw a large crowd milling about in the central plaza, as if they were watching something. He even saw Shizun standing at the front and looking down at someone Liu Qingge couldn't see.

Just what was going on?

"Liu-shixiong," someone hissed when he approached the crowd. "Where have you been?"

Liu Qingge frowned. "Was I supposed to be here?" Shen Jiu would have let him know if so...

But Shen Jiu hadn't been at the house when he woke up. Liu Qingge remembered last night's conversation, how distressed the boy had been when Liu Qingge found him in the cave again.

His stomach began to churn.

He pushed his way to the front of the crowd to where Shizun was, people parting when they saw his expression, though not without turning to their friends and whispering.

And there. Kneeling in front of Shizun with his head bowed, in the same filthy robes he'd been wearing yesterday, was Shen Jiu.

Shizun saw Liu Qingge, his stunned expression when he finally made it to the front. "Oh good," the man said mildly, stepping back. "Now that everyone's here, perhaps you can repeat what you just told me, Shen Jiu."

He wasn't calling Shen Jiu Xiao Shen like before. Had Shen Jiu offended Shizun somehow? Was he being punished? Even if so, why the theatrics? Why do it in public and humiliate him?

Shen Jiu's face went white when he caught sight of Liu Qingge, turning back to Shizun immediately so they couldn't make eye contact. Liu Qingge ground his teeth in frustration. Just what was happening here? Why did everyone else seem to know what was going on save for him?

Just what had he missed yesterday?

"This disciple," Shen Jiu said in a low but clear voice, "begs Shizun to administer punishment."

What was he saying? Liu Qingge stared at his friend in disbelief. Even Shizun said, "And for what cause?"

Shen Jiu bowed his head again. "Yesterday, this disciple disgraced the good name of Bai Zhan Peak through his shameful actions. I fought Yue-shixiong in a crude and unsporting manner unbecoming of a cultivator."

"You fought Yue-shixiong?" Liu Qingge blurted out.

"An unsporting manner, you say," Shizun said in a flat voice. "How so."

Shen Jiu swallowed. "I used Cheng Luan without permission. I threw dirt in Yue-shixiong's eyes. I used talismans against him. I could and should have been disqualified for one of those actions, much less all three."

"Wait," said Liu Qingge. "You used Cheng Luan?" He felt his sword hilt just to make sure the sword was still there. How was that even possible? No spiritual sword would let itself be used by anyone but its chosen wielder; yet Cheng Luan had somehow allowed Shen Jiu to use her while Liu Qingge had been passed out...?

"Yes," said Shizun, studying Shen Jiu with his arms crossed. "You did cheat yesterday. You went overboard against a shixiong who was going easy on you for courtesy's sake, while you couldn't be bothered to repay the favour and try to win - or lose - gracefully.

"So the final question remains: why? Why would you do something so uncharacteristic like that, Shen Jiu?"

Shen Jiu's shoulders sagged in defeat. The crowd murmured to each other under their breaths; no doubt they wanted to know the same thing.

And oh... Liu Qingge recognised the look on Shizun's face.

It was the same way the man had looked at him after the Taotie Tiger mission.

He wasn't angry at Shen Jiu. He was just... disappointed.

"When Yue-shixiong fought Liu-shixiong," Shen Jiu said. "He made it look like he wasn't taking the fight seriously. He didn't respect him like a real opponent; he just... played around with him, until he got bored. I was angry on Liu-shixiong's behalf. Or, I thought I was."

He bit his lip. "I thought it would mean something if I could make Yue-shixiong sweat for what he did. But then my own selfishness took over. I went too far, and all I did was bring down Bai Zhan's reputation in everyone's eyes."

"Well," Shizun said. "So long as you know that." He looked at Liu Qingge and raised a brow. "Did you get all that, Qingge? Shen Jiu went and challenged the future Sect Leader to a fight after your loss, and just about had his - sorry, your sword to the boy's throat before deciding to forfeit."

"He did what," Liu Qingge said, flabbergasted. Again, Shen Jiu refused to look at him, studying the stone path he was kneeling on instead.

"And to think," Shizun said wistfully. "You even had the boy about to yield to you. You could have won the whole thing if you’d had a little more gumption. Imagine that."

He sighed after that, then cleared his throat after noticing everyone gawking at him.

"Shen Jiu," Shizun said gently. "Qingge - and all of your martial brethren here - are men who can fight their own battles. Your intentions were admirable, yes. But you were right; you lost your sense of purpose, and behaved foolishly as a result. You meant to avenge Bai Zhan's standing and ended up making everyone think poorly of us instead. Isn't that so?"

"... Shizun is correct," Shen Jiu said in a small voice.

The crowd had been simmering in restless, negative energy before, one that had made Liu Qingge anxious and wary. Now, the murmuring had taken on an almost sympathetic tone. They didn't approve of what Shen Jiu had done, but they understood where he'd been coming from.

And in that light, severe punishment would be seen as unduly harsh.

Nevertheless.

"Shen Jiu is right too," Shizun said. "He does deserve punishment for his poor showing yesterday."

"Shizun, don't!" Liu Qingge cried out, but was ignored by both of them. He stepped forth, only to be dragged back by another disciple, who glared and shushed him.

He understood bitterly what wasn't being said here. This, too, was Shen Jiu's battle to overcome, and Liu Qingge couldn't interfere.

"For the next six months," Shizun continued, "Shen Jiu is forbidden from joining his shixiongs on missions off-peak. He is not to step off one foot from Bai Zhan until I personally deem him ready. After his classes, he is to copy out the entire library of Bai Zhan, and assist the Head Librarian with all and every task needed of him as well. His other chores will be suspended for now, but he is still expected to attend every class and training session. If he slacks off or continues to behave disgracefully, then by the end of the six months he is to be banished from Bai Zhan Peak, and be one of ours no more."

The crowd burst into a flurry of shocked whispers. Copying down the entire library? No missions off peak, no real chance to improve himself or earn merits? Banishment?

"That's not fair!" Liu Qingge yelled, and this time shook off the people trying to hold him back. He ran over to Shen Jiu and grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing the kneeling youth to stand up despite himself - Shen Jiu stumbling and leaning against him for support as he held him up. "How can you banish him for something like that! Wasn't he just trying to protect me? Where's the wrong in that!"

"Protect you, when you were snoozing away in a tent? Be honest with yourself, Qingge." Shizun stared at him.

"Qingge," Shen Jiu said in a soft voice. "Qingge, it's okay..."

Liu Qingge shook his head furiously, tears stinging at his eyes. "It's not fair," he croaked. "You're my friend..."

"I'll still see you at the end of the day," Shen Jiu promised him, reaching for his hand and squeezing it tight. "It's not even a beating, okay? Besides, I already spend all my time in the library anyway. I'll be fine."

Liu Qingge didn't feel fine.

*

They only saw each other at dawn and dusk now.

Every night, long after Liu Qingge had finished his evening bath and meditation and watched the flowers shrivel up in the white vase in the parlour, Shen Jiu would stumble into their house and fall into his bed with little more than his boots kicked off, his hair crooked in its ponytail and his fingers stiff and smeared with ink.

Liu Qingge always took his hair down and his outer robe off for him before tucking him into bed. He didn't dare anything else; Shen Jiu had always been sensitive about his modesty, and Liu Qingge respected that.

It was just... hard, not being able to do more. Help him more.

Liu Qingge tried, sometimes. Entered the library, snuck around the back rooms until he found the little chamber where Shen Jiu was always hunched over scribing some dusty hundred-year-old book in his patient hand and gorgeous calligraphy. He always wrote so beautifully, no matter how long he had been toiling for.

Once, Liu Qingge had brought him some red bean buns, thinking Shen Jiu would appreciate it, but the boy had just scolded him; food wasn't allowed in the library for fear of attracting pests, nor water and tea in case of spillage over one priceless tome or another.

They didn't even have classes together, so Liu Qingge couldn't spend time with him there.

And whenever he managed to steal some free time away, Shizun would summon him for a mission off-peak over and over again, until Liu Qingge was sure he had decimated half the population of the Demon Realm over the six months.

It was just... hard. Even the rare precious moments they had time together, one or both of them would be too tired to do anything but just lean against each other and doze. More than once they'd fallen asleep on each other's beds doing just that.

Six months passed by in a blur, just like that.

*

"What are you doing?"

Shen Jiu was almost never in the house before Liu Qingge nowadays, but as the latter had come home from a post-mission debriefing, he found his friend sitting at the table in the parlour and writing something down.

"Oh," Shen Jiu said wryly. "I'm finishing up my last task for my punishment. Shizun said I have to write an apology letter to Yue-shixiong. So here I go."

Liu Qingge didn't see what good a six-month-old apology letter would do for anyone, even the notoriously placid Yue-shixiong. He shuffled out of his boots by the boor and slid into the empty stool next to his friend.

"Shen Jiu..." he began, unsure where to begin.

"Hm?" The boy smiled, and a small part of Liu Qingge's heart thumped in response.

"I know you said you fought Yue-shixiong for me," he said hesitantly. "And I believe you. But... is that all there is to it?"

Shen Jiu's smile faded, and he looked down at the sheet of paper he'd been writing on and sighed.

There was only a single line on the page; Yue Qingyuan's name, and nothing else.

"No," he mumbled. "Of course not."

Liu Qingge's heart lurched. "You knew him before."

"Mm. I did." Shen Jiu put his brush down, rubbing and turning his wrists. He did that a lot nowadays.

"We were..." He looked a little wistful. "A long time ago, we were even friends."

"Oh." Liu Qingge swallowed. He - he personally liked Yue-shixiong, and he adored Shen Jiu. The thought of them being friends before shouldn't - hadn't - made him feel uneasy before, but knowing what he did now, he just felt strange about the idea.

"But you don't like him now," he said, and Shen Jiu snorted.

"I don't," he said. "I haven't cared about him for a long time."

"What happened?" Liu Qingge knew he was prying, but he couldn't help it; his confusion over their infamous match at the interpeak competition had only grown over the months, and now he finally had the chance to get some answers.

"He betrayed me." Shen Jiu blinked long and slow, his gaze taking on a glassy look. "There was a - a thing we promised each other. I vowed to live up to my end of the bargain. But he didn't live up to his - and when we saw each other again, he lied to me.

“And now he looks at me like he wants to be friends again, but he's just lying again. All he does is lie to me, and look sad that I won't forgive him for it."

Liu Qingge bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn't see Yue-shixiong as the kind of person to do that; the older boy had always been so kind and calm and dignified for as long as Liu Qingge had known him.

But Shen Jiu would never lie to him either. So what was the truth? Who was in the right, and who was wrong?

Liu Qingge knew who he would side with in a battle for as long as he lived. Still, he just couldn't reconcile the two images of Yue-shixiong now drifting in his mind...

"Silly goose, don't think so much, " Shen Jiu said softly. "Let me put it this way then: you and I go on a mission together. We get trapped in a secret realm somehow, and because we're both injured, only one of us can head back to the real world for safety."

He rubbed his eyes.

"Let's say that I was the one who left, because I was a little stronger than you. But just before I left, I promised that I would come back to rescue you no matter what. I'd never leave you behind."

"I know you wouldn't," Liu Qingge said instantly, and Shen Jiu flashed him a smile that was both bruised and all too tender.

"And you waited for me in that secret realm," Shen Jiu mumbled. "Even though you had to fight off monsters every day, and you just got weaker and sicker and more tired with how much you had to endure. But you kept waiting for me to come back for you, because I promised I would, and I - I'd never lied to you before. Why would I lie now?"

"You wouldn't," Liu Qingge whispered, his eyes going sour at the very idea.

"Mm." Shen Jiu looked away from him to dab the tears at the corner of his eyes. "But then you couldn't wait anymore, because if you did you would die. So you fought your way out of the secret realm, even if it nearly killed you, even if it - it took things from you you can never get back. And you continued to believe that you could still trust me. That the only reason I hadn't come back for you was because I'd gotten hurt somehow. I'd never have abandoned you on purpose.

"But then you and I meet again one day," Shen Jiu said, in a voice almost too small to be heard. "And I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I look like a prince, like I've never lived better. And then you, you who've been living through hell for years and years and years... you ask me, "why didn't you come back for me? what took you so long?" And I don't..."

"It's okay." Liu Qingge grabbed his hands, pulled them to his chest and squeezed them tight. "You don't have to say anymore."

Tears streamed silently down Shen Jiu's pale face, soaking the apology letter all the way through. "And then... and then I say, 'I'm sorry'. I don't explain myself, I don't say where I was all this time... I don't do anything. I just say sorry and sorry and sorry over and over again."

He screwed his eyes shut, a tear dripping down the bridge of his pink nose.

"I never cared that he didn't come back for me," Shen Jiu whispered. "I could have always taken care of myself, and I did. But I just wanted to know... why... why..."

He shuddered. "Why am I not good enough even to be honest to? Even if I don't deserve anything, don't I at least deserve the truth? Don't I... deserve..."

"Shen Jiu." Liu Qingge pulled him into his arms and hugged him, the boy burying his wet face in his shoulder. "It's okay, it's okay..."

Shen Jiu shook his head as he clutched onto Liu Qingge, digging into his back with his nails in desperation.

Liu Qingge didn't mind the pain. It was clarifying.

"You have me," he said. "Yue-shixiong may have left you behind, but I never will."

"Everyone says things like that," Shen Jiu sniffled, but didn't let go of him, even when Liu Qingge wiped away the tears on his face with a sleeve.

"I don't," Liu Qingge promised. "If I ever lie to you, if I break a promise and my vow to you, then the gods can strike my entire clan down to the root and obliterate my soul so I can never reincarnate again."

"Stupid!" Shen Jiu hiccuped. "As if anyone is worth that much. As if I am..."

"You are," Liu Qingge said, and knew it deep in his bones.

*

"Patience, Qingge," Shizun said. "Everything worth doing takes its time."

Liu Qingge shifted from foot to foot yet again, ignoring the other man. It had been three shichen, and Shen Jiu had yet to come out of Wan Jian's inner sword mound, even as everyone else who'd entered had either come out triumphant and proud or dejected and empty-handed a whole shichen ago.

"My own trial went by in a flash," Liu Qingge finally said in frustration a while later, when the silence grew too much to bear even for him.

"Don't compare Xiao Shen to you," Shizun said. Liu Qingge shot him a nasty look, and he added hastily: "I didn't mean it like that. You may both share the same path, but neither of you walk it the exact same way. Xiao Shen came late to cultivation, unlike you. Let him take his time."

If you say so, Liu Qingge thought glumly but didn't say.

Just as sunset approached - and so did the Wan Jian Peak Lord looking vaguely concerned, there was a groan from the entrance to the sword mound as the tall black doors finally opened, and a thin, elegant figure emerged from within.

And he was holding a sword.

"Shen Jiu!" Liu Qingge took off running at once, heart overflowing with joy. "You did it!"

He threw himself at the other youth in delight, even as Shen Jiu's sanguine expression transformed into a shriek because, "You're going to make me drop it, idiot!"

"Sorry," Liu Qingge said giddily, not sorry at all. "Show me."

Shen Jiu shoved him off just as Shizun and the Wan Jian Peak Lord walked towards them. Shen Jiu straightened up and presented his sword to both of them, ignoring Liu Qingge by his side.

"Well, well," Shizun said, studying the sword. It was long and thin and elegant, with a black blade. "Ningyu, what do you think?"

"A harmonious choice," the Wan Jian Peak Lord praised, Shen Jiu smiling slightly in response. "This one hadn't responded to anyone in the sword mound in over two generations until your arrival, Shen-shizhi. You should be pleased with your new companion."

"Thank you, Han-shibo," Shen Jiu murmured, then finally turned to give Liu Qingge a good look at his blade.

It was a beautiful sword; dark, where Cheng Luan was light, but otherwise with the same sharp, thin silhouette, like they could be twins, a soul twain in two.

Just like their wielders.

"Xin Yong," Liu Qingge read the blade's name aloud. Trustworthy.

“Shǒu xìn yòng,” the Wan Jian Peak Lord said. “To keep one’s word. Very suitable for such a devoted young man.”

"Cheng Luan and Xin Yong," Shizun pondered. "Didn't the same swordmaster make them?"

"Serendipitous indeed. Come now, you two. You must be tired."

"I'm not," Shen Jiu said, flashing Liu Qingge a mischievous smile. "I want to see how this pretty thing flies."

Every smile Liu Qingge earned from the other boy he treasured like jade nowadays. "Race you back to the house?" he said, pulling Cheng Luan out of its sheath eagerly.

"Already there!" Shen Jiu yelled in glee as he flung his sword into the air and leapt onto the blade before shooting off into the sky like a firecracker.

"Oh heavens. Children," the Wan Jian Peak Lord was saying, and then Liu Qingge was off too, and heard no more.

*

"Ah, Liu-shidi. It's good to see you."

"Yue-shixiong," Liu Qingge said, then paused and added: "It's good to see you too."

Yue Qingyuan smiled faintly as he sat down across from Liu Qingge at the table. "It's rare for you to invite people for tea," he said. "Much less to your own home. It's a lovely place, by the way."

"Thank you," Liu Qingge said. "Shen Jiu decorated it."

Yue Qingyuan's smile grew rigid.

It was now or never. "Yue-shixiong," Liu Qingge said, taking a deep breath. "We need to talk."

Chapter Text

"I have to know; what's your relationship with Shen Jiu?"

Liu Qingge had never been a tactful soul and he wouldn't start now; he said what he wanted to know immediately and stared at his would-be victim, undeterred by the potential fallout.

Yue Qingyuan, of course, choked. He said, "What - " stopped himself to catch his breath, recovered, then started again, "Is this why you invited me over, Liu-shidi? To interrogate me?"

"Did you get his apology letter?" Liu Qingge said, not denying it.

"I did." Yue Qingyuan's expression turned grave. "Liu-shidi, if you think I demanded he write something like that to appease me..." He looked away. "Unnecessary. This whole dragged out punishment was unnecessary. I never asked for any of it."

"I figured." Liu Qingge had asked Shizun on more than occasion to let up on Shen Jiu, let him join on missions again, at least, to keep his martial instincts sharp. All that had done was make the old man sigh as if Liu Qingge had just asked him why he shouldn't lick paint.

Shen Jiu was now officially out of punishment and a disciple of Bai Zhan Peak in good standing again; he had received his spiritual sword and would now be able to take missions on his own. But while his reputation on Bai Zhan had stayed largely intact, to everyone else in Cang Qiong he was still the savage ingrate who attacked the future Sect Leader like a mad dog and should have been driven out a long time ago.

"Scribing books, how is that a real punishment?" a Qing Jing disciple had scoffed airily one day on the Rainbow Bridge as Liu Qingge passed them by. "That's every day for us!"

"You forgot, it's a punishment for Bai Zhan," their friend added. "Of course those poor things are terrified of having to write! It's an ordeal trying to get them to spell out their own names!"

Liu Qingge would guarantee Shen Jiu's wits and calligraphy against any of those pompous airheads on Qing Jing and know his friend would come out the victor… but Shen Jiu was in hot water already and Liu Qingge was a Head Disciple besides, so pulling those two brats aside by their lapels and chewing into them would do anyone no good.

Still. If people talked about Shen Jiu like that where anyone could overhear, then that same callous opinion of him was probably shared by most people in the sect.

Except for the one who mattered most.

"Yue-shixiong," Liu Qingge said. "Shen Jiu told me you used to know each other. That you were friends once." He raised a brow. "Is that true?"

Yue Qingyuan looked startled. "He told you? How much?" He even sounded incredulous, which offended Liu Qingge somewhat. Did he not look like the kind of person people could confide in?

"Everything," Liu Qingge said, and watched a muscle spasm in the older youth's neck.

"That..." Yue Qingyuan shook his head in disbelief. "It's not that I don't believe you, Liu-shidi, but that doesn't sound like the boy I once knew. Shen Jiu... has always kept things very close to his heart."

Basically: he didn't tell you shit, you little liar.

Again, Liu Qingge wasn't the type to be threatened by such a vague dimissal. "Did you betray him?" he asked. "Did you leave him behind in a hellhole and never tell him why you didn't come back for him?"

The table splintered in half.

Liu Qingge blinked, then looked down to see a huge crack in the old table he and Shen Jiu used for everything, trailing back to Yue Qingyuan's white-knuckled grip on the wood.

"Hey," he said with a frown. "Stop that."

Yue Qingyuan released the table with slow and unyielding fingers. "Liu-shidi," he said in a voice that had gone flat like still waters. "You don't know what you're talking about, and you presume too much."

"I only know what Shen Jiu told me," Liu Qingge said. "And he thinks you betrayed him. The way he talked about you..."

"I know." Yue Qingyuan shuddered, putting his hands in front of his eyes. "He hates me."

"He cried," Liu Qingge said. "He cried when he was talking about you."

Yue Qingyuan froze.

"Yue-shixiong. I don't know if you're the kind of person who would break a promise to a friend and never tell them why after. You've always been kind and courteous to me and the others... but we've never known you like that before." Liu Qingge bit his lip, then went on:

"But Shen Jiu... I care about him. Truly. I've never had a friend like him before, and he's important to me. So believe me when I say he was heartbroken when he talked about you. He doesn't hate you, but he's positive you hate him, more than anything. Otherwise you'd have been honest with him a long time ago - "

"I could never," Yue Qingyuan burst out, then looked shocked with himself. "How could I?" he whispered, pale as a ghost. "Whatever Xiao - Shen-shidi believes, it couldn't be farther from the truth. I just... I've only ever wanted to protect him and keep him safe. He's been through more than anyone could imagine..."

"I know," Liu Qingge said. "But shixiong, he can take care of himself."

Yue Qingyuan looked at him in astonishment, black eyes damp with feeling.

"It's not like I don't get it," Liu Qingge said, remembering the long evenings he would spend on his own waiting for Shen Jiu to come home, only for the boy to collapse in bed barely a word in greeting in between. "I... want to protect him too, sometimes, when I see him getting hurt, and him not letting me because he's so stubborn. But Yue-shixiong, he's not a child. Keeping the truth - or anything else - from him isn't doing him a favour. It's just hurting him further and making him think you hate him when that's clearly not the case."

"You can say that only because you've never known him like I have. " Yue Qingyuan smiled wanly. "How old are you now, Liu-shidi?"

"Sixteen," Liu Qingge said, refusing to be embarrassed; he knew what Yue Qingyuan meant with that question.

Liu Qingge was the youngest of the Head Disciples by far. In all likelihood he would be the youngest Peak Lord of the eventual Qing generation, though after a few centuries together a difference in two or three years would mean less and less.

(... as a golden core cultivator, he would live to be at least five hundred barring severe qi deviation or disaster. Shen Jiu was still a far cry even from Early Core Formation. Liu Qingge would make sure he formed his golden core sooner than later. The thought of living centuries without his best friend was unbearable.)

"So you are." Yue Qingyuan wiped at his damp eyes with his sleeve. "So you can afford to be naive about some things."

"I'm not naive." Liu Qingge frowned, crossing his arms. "If I was sure it was the right thing to do, I'd make sure Shen Jiu was never in the same room as you again. But whatever you did or didn't do to him in the past... it's still hurting him.

And," he added, "he still cares about you. Otherwise none of this would have happened. And I think we both know that."

*

Yue Qingyuan didn't say anything after that; he just stood up quietly and left.

All while Liu Qingge sat in his chair and hoped he'd gotten through to the other youth.

(As well as how to glue together a broken table before Shen Jiu came home for the evening.)

Nothing happened for the next few weeks.

Now that Shen Jiu could go on missions again, he and Liu Qingge went off-peak together, always taking to their swords in flight so they could race towards their destination.

Since Liu Qingge had so much more experience, he let Shen Jiu take charge on their joint missions, only stepping in to provide backup. They always finished their missions early so they could visit a town Shen Jiu hadn't been to before, and spend a free day or two roaming the streets and buying street food and running on the rooftops after each other.

You've never known him like I have, Yue Qingyuan had told him, and with absolute certainty too. But Liu Qingge didn't think the youth knew Shen Jiu like Liu Qingge knew him either.

He didn't see the way Shen Jiu's nose would scrunch up when he bit into a crunchy skewer of tanghulu; the scrutinising way he would examine every bauble at a street stall like a frugal housewife only to buy whatever random trinket Liu Qingge pointed out to hang up in their house.

He didn't think Yue Qingyuan knew about the way Shen Jiu's eyes would thin into a half-moon so mischievously when he pretended to pick up a juicy morsel of meat for his own bowl only to drop it into Liu Qingge's when he thought he wasn't looking...

... and he knew for certain that Yue Qingyuan didn't know just how many apology letters Shen Jiu had begun and discarded, how many sheets of xuan paper he'd crumpled up and burned in the hearth for the tears he'd marred them with before finally completing a letter free of blot and stain and sending it off to Qiong Ding more than a fortnight after Shizun originally assigned him the task.

How easy it would be if Shen Jiu had only ever hated Yue Qingyuan and the other way around as well. There would be so many less tears in the world, and Liu Qingge could rest assured that he would have his friend's attention all to himself from now on.

Instead, all he could do was distract Shen Jiu, with training and missions and post-mission shopping trips that had the boy cackling with all the pretty new things he'd bought to decorate their home, Liu Qingge's own pockets bulging with various candies and snacks he'd seen Shen Jiu buy at stalls over and over again.

Liu Qingge didn't know if what he was doing was - could ever be - enough. But he liked to think he was making Shen Jiu happy.

It was all he'd ever wanted.

*

"... what good is you telling me all of this now, I ask you."

"I just want to clear the air before it's too late."

"Too late?! Because you're in such a rush, Yue Qingyuan? Why, are you planning to go anywhere and leave me behind? Like before?"

"Xiao Jiu - "

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

A slap cracked through the air and hit flesh.

"What gave you the right to think you can call me that again?! Just because you - you're sorry now, in a way you weren't before? Well, I don't care. It's been six years since you abandoned me. Guess what? I don't need you anymore! I don't - I can survive on my own - I can - I'm fine - I'm - "

"Shen-shidi, please - "

"Don't touch me! I'm fine. I can stand on my own - I - I - "

"... shidi?"

*

Liu Qingge raced to Qian Cao on Cheng Luan as soon as he heard the news, running through the halls and dodging everyone in his path, disciples flinching and yelling after him in his wake.

Nothing mattered right now. Just getting to Shen Jiu's sickroom and -

Oh. There he was.

Mu Siwen - Mu Qingfang, now, was tending to him, kneeling over the pale, frail boy lying in bed. Liu Qingge silenced his steps and approached the bed with growing horror...

Shen Jiu had gotten his fair share of nicks and bruises at Bai Zhan, but never like this. He looked hollow and drained, as if his life and cultivation had been sucked out of him entirely.

He was only in a patient's robe and his hair was down, so he looked even thinner than usual. There were bruised shadows under his eyes, and his lips were swollen, as if he had nearly bitten right through them.

Just what had happened while he'd been gone...?

"Biaoge," Liu Qingge said hoarsely. Mu Qingfang jumped at the sight of him before sighing.

"You scared me," he hissed. "Say something first next time!"

Liu Qingge felt like the floor had fallen out from underneath him. "What happened to him?"

"... a qi deviation," his cousin said after a pause. "A bad one too. His meridians will need serious recovery before he can cultivate properly again." He shot Liu Qingge a cool look. "Not that I would ordinarily tell you any of this, but since you two live hip to hip together already, it's better you find out before you dare him to do something reckless without realising how much danger you could put him in. I cannot stress this enough, Qingge. Don't be an idiot."

"Okay," Liu Qingge croaked. "But how? How did this happen?"

"I did it."

A low raspy voice spoke from behind Liu Qingge's shoulder, and he turned only for his stomach to further drop at the sight of an exhausted-looking Yue Qingyuan.

"Yue-shixiong..."

"Well, you're right about one thing, Liu-shidi," the youth murmured with dead eyes. "All I do is hurt Shen Jiu, no matter what. Whether I keep the truth from him or tell him, nothing I do makes a difference. I just can't do anything right for him."

"That's not true," Liu Qingge said, feeling worse and worse. Hadn't he been the one to drag Yue Qingyuan into being honest? Into telling Shen Jiu the truth because he could take it?

Was it... was it his fault Shen Jiu had had his qi deviation? Should he just have let sleeping dogs lie and not interfere with something that wasn't his business?

Had he done this?

"Liu-shidi," Yue Qingyuan said in a low voice, and Liu Qingge jolted; he must have said something aloud. "Perish the thought that you could have done this to Shen-shidi; it's not you, it's me." He smiled thinly, dark shadows under darker eyes. "Nothing you do can hurt him, really. Whereas nothing I do ever helps. All I've ever done since we were children was drag him down and make him worse off."

"That's not true," Liu Qingge whispered, but he didn't know that, and Yue Qingyuan knew it. He squeezed him on the shoulder with an all-too-faint grip and looked with heartbreaking longing at Shen Jiu in bed one last time... before walking out of the room on unsteady legs and leaving them be.

*

"... water."

It was the shadow of a whisper that stirred Liu Qingge from where he'd fallen asleep in the chair next to Shen Jiu's sickbed; that, and a thin hand pushing futilely at him to make him get up.

"Water, Qingge," Shen Jiu whispered when Liu Qingge woke up and stared blearily at his friend.

Then full awareness and comprehension came back to him and he leapt to his feet to grab a pitcher and pour Shen Jiu some water, spilling some onto the floor from how shaky his hands were.

Shen Jiu drank, holding his cup with both hands, shaking his head when Liu Qingge silently offered a refill.

When he was done he put his cup on the bedside table with a trembling hand, and just looked around the sickroom with an emotionless face, as if he was used to it.

"Mu-shidi says you shouldn't cultivate for at least a month," Liu Qingge said, unable to think of anything else to say. "Your meridians are under a lot of strain right now, and..."

"Okay." Shen Jiu just closed his eyes and sank back into bed, not saying another word in response.

"Think of it like seclusion," Liu Qingge offered nervously. "I'm sure you'll get much better the next time you practice again - "

"Qingge. It's okay."

Shen Jiu spoke without looking at him, without opening his eyes and looking at anyone.

And Liu Qingge...

"I'm sorry," he blurted out. "I fucked up."

Shen Jiu snorted.

"I told Yue-shixiong how much he was hurting you," Liu Qingge said, and knew he would have to get it out now or let the guilt eat him up forever. "I - I didn't have the right, I know that now. But you were so sad, and I didn't want people to keep hating you because they thought you acted like that for nothing, and I - I -" He choked up, his words like sand in his mouth. "I hurt you instead. I promised I never would, and I did this to you..."

"Qingge."

Shen Jiu turned a little towards him, lifting his gaze weakly so they could see each other. He reached for Liu Qingge and Liu Qingge grabbed his hand back, so cold and clammy in his own.

"Qingge," Shen Jiu said again, and smiled a little, the peeled skin on his bruised lips cracking open as he did so. "Qingge, it's okay. Do you know what Yue-shixiong told me?"

Liu Qingge shook his head; he hadn't been around for their conversation. He hope no one else had seen them either.

"He said..." Shen Jiu sighed. "When he drew his sword it was too strong for him, and he fell into qi deviation. He was locked up for a year in the Lingxi Caves, and that was why he couldn't come for me. He never meant to abandon me; he just didn't have a choice.

“Now, why was that so hard to say?" Tears ran down his cheeks. "Why not tell me so in the first place? Did he think I would blame him? Did he think I would hate him for needing help himself?

“Or," he squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered, "did he just think so badly of me that he couldn't imagine me feeling sorry for him instead? Did he think I would really laugh at him for being caught in a wolf's den... did he think... I'm that bad a person..."

"You're not," Liu Qingge said vehemently. "You're the best person I know."

"But you don't know me," Shen Jiu hiccuped. "You don't know what I used to be, what I used to do. I was a bad person before, Qingge. Maybe I still am. Maybe I've already died and I've forgotten where I should be. Not in Bai Zhan, not in Cang Qiong, but in hell waiting to drink Meng Po's soup and reincarnate into a worm so maybe ten lifetimes from now, I can be a human being and try again - "

"Shen Jiu," Liu Qingge said, gripping his hand tight. "You are a good person."

Shen Jiu shook his head and mouthed a protest with tears streaming endlessly down his pale face, but no more words came out.

"You are a good person," Liu Qingge said again. "And I'll repeat it for as long as it takes, so get used to it, and don't ever call yourself bad again. You're not."

"You don't know," Shen Jiu whispered but Liu Qingge didn't care, leaned in and dragged the other boy into an embrace.

"I know," he said fiercely. "Trust me, I know."

And felt Shen Jiu bury his face into his shoulder and weep.

*

"Did you say you wanted two weeks' leave, Qingge?"

"Yes, Shizun," Liu Qingge said, standing on ceremony in his teacher's office.

"Hm." Xu Ningchen was scanning over a letter at his desk while speaking. "Take a month instead. We can spare it."

"Really?" Liu Qingge gaped. He'd visited home since he entered Cang Qiong years ago, but only for a week or two at a time. It had been three years since his last visit so he was long overdue, but even so...

"And," Shizun said, putting his letter down, "take Xiao Shen with you."

That went without saying. "It's - for him," Liu Qingge said awkwardly. "I just wanted to take him away for a bit. Somewhere where people won't talk."

"So you can use your brain, then," Shizun said in reproval. Liu Qingge bit the inside of his cheek. "Heavens, look at you. If I'd known you'd cause so much drama I should have shunted you off to Ku Xing years ago. Clearly, my previous tribulations weren't enough of a challenge so the gods threw you at me instead."

By that he was referring to Liu Qingge's role in the messy drama that was Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu's relationship; Shen Jiu had all but gone after Yue Qingyuan like a hellhound at the annual interpeak competition six months ago, and Yue Qingyuan had finally gotten his revenge by driving him to a qi deviation without even laying a hand on him.

As the reality of what had actually happened was bound tightly to the chests of those two (and Liu Qingge) alone, all kinds of baseless and insidious rumours had run amok the sect about the true nature of their relationship and what exactly they were trying to prove by hurting each other so much.

And if that wasn't enough, as of late Cang Qiong had taken on a sombre note without seemingly any prompting; no more solo missions were currently permitted off-peak and the Peak Lords were in meetings every other day, with cultivators from other sects often joining in. It felt like the entire sect was going under an unspoken lockdown, one that none of the Peak Lords felt like divulging to their students.

Liu Qingge was desperate to escape the tense, wary energy that had overcome Cang Qiong... and give Shen Jiu some relief as well.

It had been a fortnight since his qi deviation and Mu Qingfang still insisted he stay at his sickroom in Qian Cao, even if he could stand on his own and basically do everything save for cultivation and heavy physical training.

Liu Qingge had been sleeping over in Shen Jiu's sickroom too, not to mention bringing over lesson plans and foodboxes regularly (just because Shen Jiu was in recovery didn't mean he had to live off on Qian Cao's anemic food all day long!), but he was wearing on the healers’ patience, and it was only a matter of time before they banned him from the peak and then he wouldn't be able to see Shen Jiu until he was formally let out.

So. Two birds, one stone - right?

"Qingge..." Shizun said finally, just before dismissing him. "Take your time on the way back, alright? Let Xiao Shen recover first."

"Yes, Shizun," Liu Qingge said, and saluted him.

(Perhaps he should have thought more about why Shizun was so eager to have him and Shen Jiu off Cang Qiong for so long, and why. But that was something he would discover the answer to only much later.)

*

"Ready?"

"Mm." Shen Jiu stepped onto Cheng Luan behind Liu Qingge, bundled up in warm clothes and a thick cloak, long black hair worn up in a tight bun. He wrapped his thin arms around Liu Qingge's waist and tucked his chin onto his shoulder. "Qingge..."

"Yeah?" Liu Qingge's stomach did a little butterfly flip, hearing that. Shen Jiu always said his name in such a soft voice nowadays...

"I hope I don't have to remind you," his friend murmured into his ear, "but if you drop me on the way to your family home, I will literally come back as a yao and devour you whole."

Tired as he was, his threat didn't have as much juice as usual. Liu Qingge just reached behind him and patted Shen Jiu on the back.

"Don't worry," he said. "If you fall, I'll catch you on the way down. You know I will."

"So you always say," Shen Jiu whispered, holding onto him tight.

Liu Qingge squeezed his hand in reassurance before turning to look ahead of him.

Cheng Luan began to lift into the air and slowly but surely left Bai Zhan behind until their peak was a distant blur behind them - and thousands of miles ahead the Liu estate awaited - Liu Qingge's childhood home, and a sanctuary for Shen Jiu while he recovered.

They held onto each other the whole way through, and never looked back.

Chapter Text

"GEGE!"

The moment they landed at the entrance courtyard of the Liu estate, Liu Qingge had just enough time to make sure Shen Jiu was alright after their trip (their journey had taken three days of almost non-stop flying) before a shriek warned him about what was going to happen next, and a lump in lavender silk pummelled into his stomach and wrapped skinny arms around his waist like a leech.

"Gege, you're back!" said Liu Mingyan as she stared up at him with shining grey eyes, presently all of six years old and lively as she was in the letters she dictated to her momo. "Up, up, up!"

Liu Qingge hoisted his baby sister up to his hip, Liu Mingyan letting out a gleeful scream and grabbing the back of his ponytail for security (ouch).

She'd been so small the last time he'd seen her in person, he'd worried she had forgotten what he looked like by now. But he'd always sent letters and gifts when he spied something that might catch her interest, and the letters her momos sent back were always entertaining.

"How long are you staying?" Liu Mingyan demanded. "Gege, you have to stay forever this time! Or take me back with you!"

Liu Qingge chuckled; sending her to Cang Qiong was the eventual plan, yes, unless her meridians proved a total dud. Even so, the clan would take care of her and make sure she never went without.

"Don't worry," he said, clearing his throat. "Gege will be staying for a long time this time around. Mingyan, there's someone I want to introduce you to..."

Shen Jiu had been quiet while the siblings got reacquainted. Now Liu Qingge turned to face him again with a clingy child in his arms, and prayed he hadn't destroyed his image too much in his best friend's eyes.

"Mingyan," Liu Qingge said. "This is my best friend, Shen Jiu. He's a disciple on Bai Zhan Peak as well, and he's staying with me while I visit. You can call him Shen-gege if you want."

"Oh." Realising a complete stranger had just watched her unseemly outburst of emotion, Liu Mingyan puffed up her cheeks and gawked at Shen Jiu before turning her face into Liu Qingge's neck in embarrassment.

Shen Jiu smiled gently at the little girl. "Hello, Mingyan-guniang. Your big brother Qingge is my best friend too." Liu Qingge grinned at him from over his sister's small head. "I hope we can get along from now on."

"Mm." Liu Mingyan peeked a cautious glance at him before taking a longer look, seemingly deciding that Shen Jiu didn't look mean enough to keep hiding from. "Hello."

"Come on," Liu Qingge said. "Let's get warmed up inside."

Shen Jiu followed him as they entered the estate, servants catching sight of their young master come home again for the first time in years and running to inform the masters and get things prepared.

Then Liu Mingyan piped up: "Who's Qingge? My big brother's name is Mingjin."

Shen Jiu snickered. "I wonder who's going to tell her."

*

A short while later, they were ushered into a grand welcoming parlour and given tea and snacks to nibble on. Liu Mingyan refused to be put down and sat on Liu Qingge's lap, gnawing on a mung bean cake and continuing to steal curious glances at Shen Jiu, who sat politely with his hands in his lap and only drank a little tea for politeness' sake.

It wasn't long before Lord and Lady Liu - Liu Qingge's parents entered the chamber, resplendently dressed and measured in their gait... and both standing on far too much ceremony than they would have given Liu Qingge had he come alone.

Liu Qingge got up nonetheless. "A'Niang, A'Die," he said.

"Gege changed his name," Liu Mingyan informed her parents immediately. "I don't think he told anyone before he did it either."

Liu Qingge snorted. Next to him, Shen Jiu bowed deeply and said in a clear and sonorous voice, "This one is named Shen Jiu. Liu-shixiong has been a generous teacher and martial elder to me at Bai Zhan Peak, and I am eternally grateful for his steadfast guidance. I beg Lord and Lady Liu's patience while I impose on their hospitality."

Liu Qingge saw his parents exchange quick glances while Shen Jiu spoke, and frowned. He knew what they were thinking - Liu Qingge? A generous teacher? Someone known for his "steadfast guidance"? As if!

Well, anyone could change in three years; Liu Qingge was no different.

"Be seated," Lord Liu said, a note of amusement in his deep voice. "Qingge has mentioned you quite a bit in his letters, young man. Be at ease and enjoy your stay."

Shen Jiu's smile flickered nervously; then he smoothed it over and did as Liu Qingge's father said, sitting down (and hiding his hands in his sleeves this time around). "Liu-shixiong is too courteous," he murmured.

Liu Qingge's mother bit her lip to stop from laughing out loud. Again, Liu Qingge scowled. Did his parents think him such an unruly pig?! He was their only son and heir, for god's sake!

"How was the journey?" she said, dabbing carefully at her eyes. "Not too strenuous, this old lady hopes?"

Old, she said, as if she didn't look a day over twenty despite being nearly a hundred years old. Being a talented spiritual cultivator and a former Qian Cao healer (she too, was a Mu, and Mu Qingfang's paternal aunt) would do that to you.

"Very efficient." Shen Jiu smiled. "Liu-shixiong was kind enough to take me on his sword by flight, and we arrived promptly as a result."

"Qingge took you? Do you not have a spiritual sword as well?" Lady Liu asked.

"Yes," Shen Jiu said. "But ah, this one is currently recuperating, so it wouldn't have been wise to take flight on my own."

"Recuperating?" Lady Liu blinked, and all too late Liu Qingge realised where this conversation was heading. "I know I'm prying, but may I ask..."

"It's alright. I had a qi deviation a few weeks ago," Shen Jiu said.

"Ah," Lady Liu said, then slowly turned her gaze to Liu Qingge. "And Qingge chose to take you by flight rather than a carriage, then? Is that so?"

"... yes, A'Niang," Liu Qingge muttered.

"Well_." Lady Liu smiled from behind her tea cup. "Good to know my son hasn't changed that much, has he. And here we thought he'd become a proper gentleman again."

"Indeed," Lord Liu said with cheer. And as his parents smiled harmoniously at him while silently promising retribution, Liu Qingge wished he could turn heel and go back to Cang Qiong already.

*

Shen Jiu had thought he knew what wealth looked like, once.

Wealth, in his brief scarring experience, was the sprawling Qiu estate in the city he'd once lived in as a slave, chock full of majestic courtyards and pavilions and carefully maintained gardens.

The Qiu Manor had been so large, in fact, that the only time Shen Jiu had ever walked throughout the entirety of its ancient halls freely and explored it at his leisure was the night he'd burned it to the ground.

The Liu estate was so vast it made the former Qiu Manor look like a fucking shed.

In fact, Shen Jiu wasn't quite sure where the estate ended and the rest of the world began.

The areas where the people lived - the various members of the Liu clan, whether they were from the main line or branch families, as well as their retainers, servants, guards, and guests like Shen Jiu - was only a small section of the whole estate, which not only included large gardens and ponds and even lakes, but even wild forests and waterfalls and grasslands. None of it was fenced in either, but all this wild territory belonged to the Lius nonetheless.

And one more thing: the Lius were cultivators as well as nobles.

Which meant there were multiple sources of naturally flowing yin and yang on their estate, as well as spiritual beasts who roamed their land freely and were protected by the Lius. Usually, only a mountain had so much natural qi that spiritual beasts could live there permanently, but here they were everywhere, and so calm they didn't even bolt or flare up when a human walked by.

(On one of his many walks around the estate, Shen Jiu had even seen a family of starry-eyed cranes grooming each other at the base of a waterfall; they only ever lived in the purest yin-rich waters! How was that even possible?)

The farther one ventured from the built-up areas of the estate, from the many family courtyards and shrines and training fields and into the cultivated wilds, it was as if they'd stepped into the heavenly realm itself, with all the spiritual beasts and freely flowing qi around.

No wonder Liu Qingge was the prodigy of Bai Zhan, no wonder he had so many illustrious predecessors in the peak and Cang Qiong in general. Look at what they had to work with right in their own backyard.

If Shen Jiu had had the same opportunity, then...

Nowadays, bitterness at his own middling rate of progress no longer frustrated him as much. He had already improved leaps and bounds after finding a manual that suited him, and having Liu Qingge as a sparring partner and teacher meant he'd had help no one else in Bai Zhan could even conceive of.

But this qi deviation was a real setback. Even when he started to cultivate again, he'd be starting a stage back from where he'd been before... and he'd have to be careful and not push himself. Not unless he wanted to set himself off again and potentially lose all of his hard-earned cultivation for good this time.

Shen Jiu shuddered at the idea. He couldn't even imagine.

He wouldn't even be able to sneak off and practice in private, not after he had, perhaps unwisely, revealed the truth of his health to Liu-furen, Liu Qingge's mother and a healer in her own right - not without risking a scolding and curdling in his boots in shame.

He would... he would learn to deal with his anxiety over his cultivation later. For now, he had a month of free time to spend with Liu Qingge away from Bai Zhan, away from Yue Qingyuan's haunted eyes, and he would use it well.

Hopefully, anyway.

*

He couldn't sleep.

As a guest of the main family, Shen Jiu had been given an entire house of his own to stay in during his visit. It was a large, single-roomed house, divided into a sleeping section, a study, and a meditation and training area.

You could fit all three of the buildings Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge lived in at Bai Zhan into this one airy house with room to spare.

Shen Jiu had never had so much space for himself before. If he wanted anything either, he needed only to ring a silver bell that was somehow attuned to the servants, and someone would soon come by to deliver him food or prepare his evening bath for him.

He didn't have to do anything.

And yet, he couldn't sleep at all.

It wasn't just that Shen Jiu was uncomfortable with servants - he'd never been waited on hand to foot, and he didn't know if he wanted to start now, even if he was on his best manners for Lord and Lady Liu.

It was just...

How long had it been since he'd spent the night without Liu Qingge next to him, obliviously sleeping away?

Ever since they moved in together they'd slept in their house together every night, and shared a tent during missions. After they grew a little closer, sometimes Liu Qingge would fall asleep on Shen Jiu's bed after a long day, and Shen Jiu decide to lie next to him rather than cause a fuss and kick him out.

And... even when he'd been in Qian Cao, Liu Qingge would sneak into his sickroom every night and lay down some bedding so he could keep Shen Jiu company like a guard dog.

It was strange, but Shen Jiu had gotten used to falling asleep to the sound of Liu Qingge's heartbeat a long time ago.

So even though the bed in this guest house was softer and more comfortable than his own, even though he had this huge house all to himself and didn't have to squeeze himself into a corner when Liu Qingge sprawled out his long limbs at night, he... just couldn't fall asleep, no matter how hard he tried.

And when Shen Jiu finally stepped out onto the veranda in his sleeping robes to get some fresh air and found Liu Qingge standing by the pond his guest house overlooked and gazing up at the moon, he realised he wasn't the only one.

*

"Better now?"

Shen Jiu wriggled his toes, amused by the turn of events. He'd invited Liu Qingge inside, the night being cold enough as it was, and both of them had known without saying aloud what they had been missing without each other.

But his bed was made for a single person, and it certainly couldn't fit two growing boys on it, so they dragged the mattress to the floor and grabbed every other soft and cushiony thing in sight and made a makeshift bed just big enough for two.

"The blanket's not big enough," Shen Jiu said.

Liu Qingge huffed. "Come in closer, then." Without waiting for a response he tugged Shen Jiu in by the waist until they were practically hugging, and the blanket could now cover both of them.

Shen Jiu flushed deep at the intimacy - before wondering why it should even matter. He and Liu Qingge had always touched each other freely and without qualm.

Strange too, that for someone so prone to casual violence, Liu Qingge had never triggered any uneasy feelings in the recesses of Shen Jiu's mind, even as the boy had grown over the years and now they were of height with each other.

It wasn't as if he couldn't hurt Shen Jiu if he ever wanted to. It was just... he never would. Liu Qingge wasn't like that. And somehow Shen Jiu's body knew that, even if it felt differently about everyone else.

Yeah, he thought as he watched Liu Qingge fall asleep next to him. He's different.

*

Life at the Liu estate was like a dream Shen Jiu didn't know if he ever wanted to wake from. Not if he could live like this for the rest of his days.

After that first night together, he and Liu Qingge slept together again like they did at Bai Zhan; half at Shen Jiu's place, half in Liu Qingge's childhood courtyard.

Poking through his bedroom examining all the "trophies" a young Liu Mingjin had collected before he went off to Cang Qiong had been hilarious and adorable. Half of the treasures were scales and feathers, simply because the boy had loved how "shiny" they were.

They always spent their days together too. Meals would either be delivered to them in foodboxes wherever they happened to be, whether it one of their bedrooms or at a training yard or out on the meadow when they were riding horses, Liu Mingyan trotting beside them on her small pony...

Or at one of the houses of Liu Qingge's various relatives who happened to be home at the moment. Shen Jiu was introduced to a dizzying amount of Liu family members and their friends and guests, many of whose lofty surnames were found in many of Bai Zhan's books as well.

Though he doubted he made an impression on any of them, he tried to remember everyone's names and faces and was respectful as a junior should be to his elders. Everything he did would reflect upon Liu Qingge, so when Shen Jiu sometimes caught a whisper here and there about something he clearly wasn't privy to - something about Palace Master Chen from Huan Hua Palace and putting down a dangerous demon - he simply drank his tea and smiled as if he had heard nothing at all.

(It had nothing to do with him, in any case.)

After Shen Jiu had gotten settled in, Liu-furen visited him too, and asked about his health.

Though Shen Jiu was still leery of every other healer but for Mu Qingfang, he acquiesced and let her examine his spirit veins - and marvelled when, apart from a slight raise of her brows, she said nothing about how previously damaged they must be.

She even wrote out a prescription to boost his recovery, and after a mere week of taking the teas and pills she personally made for him, Shen Jiu was close enough to healed as he would ever be, and could practice cultivation again.

Once he could safely take to his sword in flight again, his daily travels with Liu Qingge went far beyond the estate and they flew to wherever the wind took them, looking for things to do so Shen Jiu could work his way back up to his previous stage of cultivation again. They exorcised ghosts and vanquished fierce corpses, explored strange ruins and helped an old farmer find his missing ox.

(That one hadn't required any cultivation, but involved a lot of wallowing barefoot in mud while trying to lure an animal who nearly weighed a ton back to his master's fields, all while feeding him his favourite treat - ripe persimmons.)

Their last trip away from the estate took them a week to complete simply because it was so extraordinary. While they'd been flying over the Luo River, Liu Qingge had spotted a languishing figure on its banks and flown down to investigate. Shen Jiu followed, and they found to their alarm a heavily pregnant and injured woman who was close to death.

She was so terrified by the sight of them she even tried to use a sword seal before her hands slumped to her side and she passed out, Shen Jiu managing to catch her just before she hit the ground; a fellow cultivator, then.

Shen Jiu had never been so grateful for the many ointments and tonics and pills Liu-furen stuffed into his and Liu Qingge's qiankun pouches before setting them loose each day for their journey; he used everything he had on hand to heal the woman while Liu Qingge knelt by her side and sent warm, life-nourishing qi into her dying spirit veins without end... until at last, their medicine overwhelmed the poison in her body and she spat it all out in a horrific spew of black blood.

They then took her to a nearby inn to rest, and just in time too, for the woman was ready to give birth.

Neither of them had ever experienced anything like this before and could only do so much. Liu Qingge, in an uncharacteristic panic, threw around his family's money like it was running out of style, and a flock of local women came to help with the birth, lured by the promise of their weight in gold if both mother and child survived the labour.

It took nearly a day, and both Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge were convinced (if they weren't already) by the end that they wanted nothing to do with childbirth ever again after this, but the woman gave birth safely to a tiny sniffling baby with a fuzzy red birthmark on his brow.

Not that it mattered much, since one of the women assured Shen Jiu that babies were born often with all kinds of odd fuzz on them before it eventually fell off with no harm to the child; no doubt the birthmark would fade as he grew older.

After the hullabaloo of the successful labour, Liu Qingge paid the women and they all left, save for an older washerwoman who stayed to look after the woman and her child while she was recuperating.

Like now. The washerwoman had taken the infant from his mother after his feeding and was gently patting him on the back to make him burp (apparently babies needed that!), all while his mother sat in bed with her long black hair around her like a curtain of night, and stared at Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge without pause.

She had never really spoken to them, even as she'd become woken up the first time and become lucid; her attention had gone into giving birth, after all.

Then had come the mess of post-labour recovery. But now a few days had passed, and both she and her child seemed in the clear now, and all of them now had a chance to breathe.

The woman said in a low voice, "And what do I owe the gentlemen for my survival?"

Liu Qingge shook his head. "No payment needed."

She smiled in disbelief. "So you just helped me for nothing? Is that what you do?"

"Yes," Shen Jiu said, cutting in. "We're both cultivators from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, and we've been doing small missions here and there for training purposes; that's why we helped you. Don't even think of attempting to pay us; his family is rich enough already."

"Hey," Liu Qingge muttered, a little wounded by that.

"I... see," the woman said, briefly stunned. "Cang Qiong? Which peak, exactly?"

"Bai Zhan. Though we're not in uniform at the moment. My name is Shen Jiu. My shixiong is Liu Qingge." Shen Jiu gestured to Liu Qingge. "From that Liu clan."

"Ah." The woman pursed her mouth in a thin smile, recognising the name. "My name is..." she began, then stopped.

They both waited, but the woman didn't continue.

"Forgive me," she added after a pause. "But I'd prefer not to. You both remember how you found me. I'd rather not give any more of myself away already."

"Are you still in danger?" Liu Qingge said. "You can seek refuge with my family then. We can take you there - "

"No, no," she shook her head. "What you've done is enough. Truly. I thought I had to choose between myself or my child then. I don't have to anymore. That's - that's more than I could have asked for." She blinked, glassy tears coming into her dark eyes, and called out with a trembling voice, "Hui-ayi?"

"Yes, my lady." The washerwoman came back and gently deposited the child into his mother's arms. The woman stared at the baby for what seemed like an impossibly long time as the tears dripped down her face.

"It's more than enough," she whispered, and said no more.

There was nothing left for them to do. Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge left the woman with her child and the washerwoman, giving her all the money they had left; it would keep her comfortable for a while, at least.

"I know you said you didn't want my family's help," Liu Qingge said. "But just in case you ever need it, you can find any member or retainer belonging to my clan and show them this. They'll give you what they can."

And he tugged off the silver guan he had been wearing and deposited it into the woman's hand, hair falling loose around him.

"My family's sigil is a falcon," Liu Qingge explained, pointing to the engraving of the bird on the guan. "And my father made this for me himself. They'll recognise it."

"... thank you," the woman said in a hoarse voice. "My child and I are eternally in your debt."

"No debt." Liu Qingge shook his head. "Just get better and take care of yourselves. That's all."

Affter that, they left.

*

Shen Jiu whistled as they left the inn and he pulled out a spare ribbon at once to fix Liu Qingge's hair. "Ah, Qingge," he said. "Who told you to be so cool back there? I'm stunned she didn't fall for you after that!"

Liu Qingge rolled his eyes. "She already has a child with someone, why would I want that?"

"I'm just saying," Shen Jiu huffed, tying his hair up neatly. "If that had been me, I would have definitely fallen in lo - "

His thoughts skittered into a strange direction and he bit his tongue in alarm, shocked by what he had been about to say so carelessly.

If that had been me, I would have definitely fallen in love with you.

"What?" Liu Qingge stared. "What were you going to say?

"No - nothing," Shen Jiu stammered, bright red. "Nothing! We should get back anyway, we've been gone long enough."

"Yeah, Mingyan's going to be furious." Liu Qingge raised a brow. "Want a ride? You've been pretty beat up the past few days."

"I'm fine," Shen Jiu squeaked as he pulled out Xin Yong, refusing to look at him. "Now let's go home already!"

*

Was it love?

Shen Jiu stared at Liu Qingge as the youth slept on the other side of the bed, mouth slightly open.

Was what Shen Jiu felt for him love?

Could it even be anything else?

From the day they'd met, Liu Qingge - then, Liu Mingjin - had been a sharp, brusque individual who seemed interested only in how to deploy his body with the purpose of maximum violence and nothing else. A master knucklehead to rule the peak of knuckleheads, and nothing more...

You couldn't call him kind in the traditional sense; even the way he'd pointed out Shen Jiu's struggles with his original cultivation manual could have been more him being annoyed with watching a novice bumble about than anything else.

Even so. He was kind, wasn't he?

From the way he'd followed Shen Jiu after their first fight to make sure he got healed on Qian Cao properly, the way he'd never told on Shen Jiu despite the boy seemingly violating every precept of life he lived by. Offering to live with him, defend him, support him.

Be his friend...

Shen Jiu had never thought anyone would care about him but the boy who had once been Yue Qi; that was why his betrayal had hurt so much, then and now. If he didn't have Yue Qi, who did he have? Who out there still cared about him, would have lit incense for him after his passing?

No one. For so long, he'd thought there was no one else.

But now...

"Mingjin," Shen Jiu whispered, letting himself use a name he hadn't in years. "Liu Mingjin, I think I might just be in love with you."

He gazed at Liu Qingge for the rest of the night, even as dawn broke, unable to look away from that perfect face even for a moment.

*

"Gege," Liu Mingyan said one afternoon during tea. "Shen-gege always calls you Qingge," - Liu Qingge coughed into his cup at her audacity - "but you always call him Shen Jiu. Isn't that rude?"

"Well, that's - " he started. Just what they were used to? How it began, so how would it change now? Did Shen Jiu even want to be called anything else...

"Meimei is right," Shen Jiu agreed, sitting on Liu Mingyan's side of the table. "Names are important. How we refer to each other is important too."

"Don't even start..." Liu Qingge grumbled. Did Shen Jiu want him to start calling him Shen-gege too because he was a measly two years older? Liu Qingge was nearly taller than him already!

"I'm saying," Shen Jiu added, hiding the lower half of his face from behind his cup of tea, "if Qingge wants, he can..." He cleared his throat. "If you want, you can just use my first name. I don't mind."

"Jiu?" Liu Qingge said, and Shen Jiu nodded. Then... he tested out, "A'Jiu?"

The boy's face went pink, but he didn't protest. Huh. Was he embarrassed?

"A'Jiu," Liu Mingyan repeated right after Liu Qingge; he flicked her on the forehead and she cried out in protest: "Hey!"

"Watch your manners. I can call him A'Jiu. You can't."

"Oh! But - "

"No buts, Mingyan."

Shen Jiu burst into laughter watching the two of them, and Liu Qingge grinned, seeing him so happy and carefree. It was all he could have asked for.

*

Of course, when it rains it pours.

They heard the news alongside everyone else at the estate and ended their stay a few days early.

It had taken them three days on swordflight the first time to reach the Liu estate from Cang Qiong; they managed the flight back to the sect in under a day.

At least, Shen Jiu did, and all Liu Qingge could do was keep up and hope it wasn't too late.

Qian Cao had never been so full nor chaotic before. There were open beds even in the hallways, and every healer they passed by looked frantic and ready to fall apart if one more patient came in needing help -

Well, that was what happened when four great sects' worth of cultivators took on the last great heavenly demon sovereign in an all-out bombardment and siege - people got hurt.

Liu Qingge ran after Shen Jiu through the endless corridors of Qian Cao's main clinic until at last he caught up and found him in front of a door, begging a worn-out looking Mu Qingfang to let him inside.

"Please, Mu-shidi," he said. "I'll never ask for anything again. I just want to see him - "

"Shen-shixiong, even I'm not in charge of his care," Mu Qingfang said wearily. "My shizun is the one taking care of him. Do you understand? If I get caught sneaking you in, we'll both be cast out immediately."

"I just want to know he's alive," Shen Jiu said, wild-eyed. "Please."

He stared into Mu Qingfang's eyes in desperation until it seemed half the day had passed by; then the healer groaned and looked away. "Don't make me regret this," he muttered, and opened the door.

Shen Jiu rushed inside at once. Liu Qingge ran up to his cousin, only for Mu Qingfang to hiss, "Not you too. Keep your mouth shut, Qingge, or else - "

Liu Qingge didn't even hear him. He stepped into the room and saw a familiar scene; a pale boy in a sickbed, and someone clutching his hand and praying fervently for him to be okay.

Only this time, the boy in the bed was Yue Qingyuan.

And kneeling at his side, clutching his hand to his heart and tears in his eyes was Shen Jiu, as he whispered over and over again:

"Don't do this to me, Qi-ge, not now. Don't leave Xiao Jiu behind again, not again..."

He chanted his mantra in a shattered voice for shichen, refusing to get up or look away from the unmoving boy.

Shen Jiu didn’t leave Yue Qingyuan’s bedside for the rest of the day.

And while he was here, Liu Qingge wouldn’t leave Shen Jiu either.

Chapter Text

Three days and three nights.

That was how long Shen Jiu waited by Yue Qingyuan's bedside until at last the Qian Cao Peak Lord told him there was no more reason for him to stay. Whether Yue Qingyuan woke from his eternal sleep or not, Shen Jiu could do nothing about it.

In three days and three nights, Yue Qingyuan hadn't stirred once. His pulse was slow as sludge, and even his meridians were hollowed out. No matter how long the Qian Cao Peak Lord tended to him, he was lifeless.

It was as if his soul had already given up and his body would soon follow.

It couldn't end for Qi-ge. Not like this.

On the first day, Mu Qingfang had told Shen Jiu how Yue Qingyuan had been involved in the Siege of Bailu Mountain against the heavenly demon ruler Tianlang-jun. How he had been pivotal to overpowering the ancient demon lord after his elders had failed, that without him the Four Great Sects wouldn't have been able to force Tianlang-jun to come to heel, and imprison him under Bailu Mountain where he was chained and bound even now.

Shen Jiu didn't give a shit about any of that. No demon lord had ever tried to take his Qi-ge from him, no demon lord had ever thrown a nineteen-year-old disciple at such an impossible task and made him carry his teachers’ burdens on his own shoulders.

(None of the other Head Disciples had known about the siege until it was carried out; even Mu Qingfang only found out after. Yue Qingyuan alone had known and been sent to the fight, the Head Disciple of Qiong Ding and the future Sect Leader. What if he'd died at the siege? What then?)

The Qian Cao Peak Lord was already being generous by not kicking Shen Jiu out the first night she'd stumbled in on him leaning against Yue Qingyuan's bed while holding onto his hand. Even so, when she implied Shen Jiu should return to Bai Zhan and rest, he just shook his head and refused to leave.

If Qi-ge was going to die, if he was going to leave this world, then Shen Jiu wanted to be there for him.

Anything else and he wouldn't live long enough to regret it. That was a promise.

*

"I don't remember a life before Qi-ge was by my side."

Shen Jiu sat on the floor next to Yue Qingyuan's bed, and next to him was Liu Qingge. His best friend had kept him company all this time, leaving only to get news from Mu Qingfang and pick up food so he could coax Shen Jiu into eating a few morsels before his stomach twisted itself into knots and he could eat no more.

Shen Jiu didn't know what made him talk when he'd been silent before, but it was the morning of the fourth day, and he didn't know how much longer Yue Qingyuan had.

And... he didn't want to live in bitterness and regret anymore.

"I was abandoned as a baby," he said hoarsely. "I don't know what happened to my parents or why they cast me aside. Qi-ge was the one who raised me instead." He smiled ruefully. "Alongside Er-ge and San-jie and Wu-ge, before they were sold off. None of us had any parents; we just had each other."

Silently, Liu Qingge took his hand in his own and began to massage it.

Shen Jiu had never spoken about his past as a slave before, never imagined he would ever acknowledge it again now that he was on Cang Qiong. Who in this lofty mountain of cultivators would ever understand what it was like to be treated like livestock? They who sought to defy the laws of nature itself, what did they know about those who weren't even seen as fully human?

"Qi-ge was just a baby back then too," Shen Jiu whispered. "So the others would put us together so we could keep each other company. Qi-ge would let me sit in his lap and play with his hair for hours. Whenever there was food to go around, he would always feed me first, even if he was hungry too - because he knew how to keep quiet, and I didn't. All I ever did was cry when I wasn't fed..." He blinked, eyes watering. "I was such a fat little thing then. And I didn't understand what it took to keep me that way when everyone else was so thin. I just thought about my own belly, and..." He screwed his eyes shut and tried not to sob.

He hadn't thought about Er-ge and San-jie and Wu-ge in years. Yi-ge had died of a fever when Shen Jiu was three. Er-ge was sold to do hard labour in a mine in lieu of a merchant’s son who had committed a crime; San-jie was sold off to a man old enough to be her grandfather.

Wu-ge ran off one night to look for Liu-jie during a heavy storm; their bodies were both found face-down in a canal the morning after.

Ba-ge had been sickly, and never able to stay in good health. Without the others looking after him he quickly withered and died after a long winter, and Xiao Shi...

Xiao Shi hadn't lived long enough with them to make an impression on Shen Jiu at all.

(Only that everyone died and left but Qi-ge. Only Qi-ge was strong enough to stick around, and didis were worthless and stupid and not worth the fresh mantou used to try and keep them alive.)

"I don't want to be the only one left," Shen Jiu croaked with his head in his hands. "Why did it have to be me? What did I do to survive when everyone else is dead and gone? Why couldn't the heavens have taken me instead?"

"A'Jiu..." Soft hands touched him on the shoulders as Liu Qingge bent over to embrace him. "Don't say that. It's not your fault what happened to your siblings."

"But it has to be someone's," Shen Jiu whispered. "Right?"

"I don't know." Liu Qingge kissed him on the brow. "But it's certainly not yours. You were just a boy."

"So was he." Shen Jiu tilted his head back, blinked away the tears in his eyes. "I used to hate him so much. Maybe a part of me always will, because he was my ge first before anything else. But he's not that much older than me, is he?" He laughed wetly, a cry in the back of his throat. "I always had Qi-ge to look after me. I always thought he had me too. But it's not the same. I don't know what he's been through. He doesn't know about me either, but..." He swallowed. "At least I have you, Qingge. I don't think Qi-ge's ever had anyone."

"He still has you." Liu Qingge cupped his cheeks. Shen Jiu shook his head, but the youth went on: "You can be what you couldn't be before. You're not too young anymore, A'Jiu. You're just right as you are." He smiled. "And I know Yue-shixiong would be over the moon to know how much you're thinking about him right now."

"Too late," Shen Jiu hiccuped. "It's too late for anything now."

"I promise," Liu Qingge assured him. "It's not."

And then he gently guided Shen Jiu to his feet and turned him around -

And sitting up in bed with tears flowing down his pale face like a river and hands trembling in the sheets, was Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Jiu stared at him, daring neither to breathe nor speak. It wasn't real. This wasn't real. How many times had he hallucinated Qi-ge coming to pick him up in the Qiu estate, take out Wu Yanzi with a single blow and save Shen Jiu from having to kill any more people?

It wasn't real, it just wasn't...

"Xiao Jiu," Yue Qingyuan mouthed, too tired for anything more.

"Qi-ge..." Shen Jiu whispered back -

And then the dam burst.

Shen Jiu nearly fell over himself to throw himself at the boy, knocking him back into the mattress as he threw arms around him in a desperate bid to never be separated again.

"Qi-ge," Shen Jiu sobbed into Yue Qingyuan's neck. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I won't hold anything against you ever again, just don't leave me - "

"I won't, I won't." Yue Qingyuan gripped onto his back just as tightly, weeping like a waterfall. "I've never wanted to leave Xiao Jiu behind."

"You can't get hurt anymore," Shen Jiu hiccuped. "From now on, I'll be the one protecting you. You can't even leave the sect without my permission..."

"Whatever Xiao Jiu says goes." Yue Qingyuan buried his face into Shen Jiu's shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere anymore."

*

"Oh, Mingjin. When did my little cousin get so wise?"

Liu Qingge shot Mu Qingfang a cool look as he stepped out of Yue Qingyuan's sickroom now that he was needed no longer. "I've always been this way," he said flatly.

"Uh huh." His cousin smiled. "I remember when I would visit you and gumu, and all you ever did was batter at my knees with your wooden sword. I thought you would stay like that for the rest of your life.

“But you've become so mature now," Mu Qingfang said. "Kind and compassionate, with a heart of gold. Gumu and guzhang must be so proud of you."

"My parents think I'm alright." Liu Qingge's throat itched and he didn't know why. "Are you done now?"

"Just one more thing." Mu Qingfang leaned up - and to Liu Qingge's disbelief, patted him on the head. "Don't head off too far. I know you think Yue-shixiong and Shen-shixiong need their alone time right now. But you're not an outsider to them. Not like everyone else."

"I'm not Yue-shixiong's friend like that," Liu Qingge croaked. Would they even want him around now that they were wrapped up in each other? Would Shen Jiu even need him like before anymore?

"Silly Jin'er." Mu Qingfang chuckled. "How do you not know already that you can be anything you want to be? You made friends with an exotic flower like Shen-shixiong, didn't you? What makes this so different?"

"I - " Liu Qingge didn't know. "I just... don't want to get in the way..."

"Shen-shixiong would tell you if you were in his way, wouldn't he?" Mu Qingfang said. "And he hasn't just yet. So might I suggest taking another chance on yourself before you do anything else?"

"I - uh, yeah," Liu Qingge said. "Sure."

Even so, he ended up staying outside Yue Qingyuan's room all day long and never heading in.

Somehow, he just didn’t dare.

*

"It's okay, Qingge." Shen Jiu smiled at him, exhausted but clearly glowing with happiness. "You should go back to Bai Zhan for the night. I'll be fine here."

"O - oh," Liu Qingge managed. Shen Jiu was sitting on Yue Qingyuan's bed and holding his hand, fingers laced together like he always did with Liu Qingge. "You sure? Want me to get you food from the dining hall?"

Shen Jiu shook his head. "I'll eat Qi-ge's leftovers," he said wryly. "Rumour has it the food here is pretty good nowadays. So many hotshot senior cultivators recuperating here for a while, and so on. Even the cooks want to impress."

"I... see," Liu Qingge said, and then turned to leave.

"Wait," a thin voice called out.

It was Yue Qingyuan. Now that he was wide awake it was obvious how haggard he looked, his patient's robe too big for his gaunt body, the manic brightness of his black eyes against his sallow skin.

Yet, like Shen Jiu just beside him, he was glowing with joy.

"Thank you," Yue Qingyuan said, and lowered his head to bow in Liu Qingge's direction, even as Shen Jiu tsked and said:

"Qi-ge, don't!"

"Thank you for taking care of Xiao Jiu for so long," Yue Qingyuan said. "You have no idea how much it means to me."

"My pleasure," Liu Qingge rasped.

Then he left.

*

Shouldn't he be happy now?

Long after night had fallen, Liu Qingge lay alone in his bed in the house he shared with Shen Jiu. It had only been a month, but his own bed had never felt so unfamiliar.

Especially now that Shen Jiu was no longer lying next to him in bed with his little cat tongue poking out from between his lips as he slept.

Was it jealousy? Was it just that?

Liu Qingge had never had a friend before, not like Shen Jiu. Over the years they'd grown from disciples of the same peak together to studymates and friends... then best friends. They shared a bond that went beyond words, beyond brotherhood. It was like he had met his soulmate in Shen Jiu, and no matter how long Liu Qingge lived from now on, he would never meet anyone else like him, nor feel the same way.

But the way Shen Jiu spoke about Yue Qingyuan...

In a world where the two had never been wrenched apart, they'd be the ones acting like two peas in a pod. And in that world, Shen Jiu would have been on Qiong Ding instead, and fussed over Yue Qingyuan before he went to Head Disciple meetings and went on missions together with him.

And there would have been no room in his heart for Liu Qingge then, would there? Shen Jiu would have never needed his help, would have never stuck up for him against his shixiongs, never become his friend and the person he loved most in the world...

What would happen to Liu Qingge now?

Tears stung at his eyes with shameful ease. He wiped them away in a hurry, wondering what was wrong with him. Shen Jiu was still his friend, right? Why was he so worried all of a sudden! It wasn't as if Shen Jiu would switch over to Qiong Ding and stop spending time with him anymore...

Right?

Abruptly, Liu Qingge's heart began to beat like a drum. He gasped and clutched his chest, unable to breathe.

He didn't understand what was happening. Was he going through a qi deviation? Was this what it felt like? Was he going to die here now, alone and weeping in the dark?

Was Shen Jiu the one who would find his unresponsive body in the morning? Or would it be Shizun, wondering why Liu Qingge hadn't come to see him lately -

"Qingge? Are you still awake?"

Liu Qingge heard the voice dimly, but couldn't react, his body glued to his bed and unable to move. He heaved silently, helplessly as he continued to gasp for air -

And then the partition to his bedroom slid open, and a pair of feet padded in.

Then:

"Qingge!"

*

He didn't remember how long it took him to come to. Only that when he was lucid again, he was lying with his upper body resting in Shen Jiu's lap as the boy stroked his wrist and sent cool, nourishing yin qi into his meridians.

"Silly goose," Shen Jiu murmured when he saw Liu Qingge's eyes open. "What happened to you? You were about to deviate when I ran in on you!"

Liu Qingge grimaced from the sudden noise, and Shen Jiu apologised and went back to channeling qi into him.

It took a little longer until Liu Qingge felt able to speak. When he did so, he asked, "Weren't you going to stay with Yue-shixiong all night?"

"Mm. I thought about it." Shen Jiu smiled with deep shadows under his eyes; he hadn't slept since his return to Cang Qiong at all. "But he's stable now. Mu-shidi said he'll watch over him, so I thought I might as well get some sleep and come back here."

"You mean," Liu Qingge said, "my cousin didn't put you up to this?"

"No, why would he?" Shen Jiu frowned. "Qingge... what are you saying?"

Forget it. Liu Qingge closed his eyes and tried to pretend the conversation had never happened, but Shen Jiu huffed warm breath onto his face, like he was laughing.

"Qingge, darling," he murmured. "Don't tell me - were you jealous of Yue-shixiong back there?"

Liu Qingge snapped his eyes back open in outrage. "No," he squeaked, then bit his tongue at the betrayal. "I would never!"

"Oh, Qingge." Now that he'd caught him, Shen Jiu was positively hysterical, giggling all over the place. "Liu Mingjin, you silly goose, how could you think the way I feel about Qi-ge is the same as the way I feel about you?"

"We're both your friends, aren't we," Liu Qingge muttered sulkily.

"No, it's not the same." Shen Jiu dabbed at his eyes, tugging at him to sit up now that he was more stable. "Qingge, look at me and believe me when I say this."

"O - okay," Liu Qingge whispered, and stared into Shen Jiu's eyes as the boy leaned in close and said in a low voice:

"For one, I don't want to marry Qi-ge."

"Uh." Liu Qingge blinked in confusion, stupefied. "Okay." Then he thought about it. "But then... what about - "

"I think I'll sleep in my own bed tonight, Qingge," Shen Jiu said with pink cheeks, and slid out of Liu Qingge's bed and shut the partition on him before he could gain the wits to think properly again.

And then once he thought, he couldn't sleep a wink all night, just like before.

(Okay, not quite.)

*

"Mu-shidi, do you not have a cane around for people to use? Qi-ge, hold onto my arm for now. I'll just have to escort you back to Qiong Ding myself."

"Xiao Jiu is the best," Yue Qingyuan praised Shen Jiu, the boy beaming back in turn.

A month had passed, and Yue Qingyuan was now formally discharged from Qian Cao and allowed to return to his duties. If before, the Xuan Su Sword had been the talk of the Qing generation, now he was a legend in his own right. He! Had! Personally! Slain! Tianlang-jun!

("I don't remember doing that," Yue Qingyuan would say wryly to anyone who brought the topic up. "I remember being part of a large team of cultivators who sought to trap and imprison him under Bailu, yes. But kill him? Impossible.")

"Now come on, let's go already," Shen Jiu said impatiently, before scanning Qian Cao's grounds for one more person. "Qingge, where are you? Are you coming with us or not?"

"Coming!" Liu Qingge shouted back, before hurrying over with a black cane. "Yue-shixiong, here you go."

"Hm." Shen Jiu sniffed when he got a good look at it. "Well, that doesn't look very stable now, does it."

"It's fine," Yue Qingyuan said. "I can use the cane and hold onto Xiao Jiu for support at the same time, can't I?"

Shen Jiu pinched him on the arm. "Qi-ge, we're in public. You're supposed to call me Jiu-shidi now, not that."

"My bad. Qi-ge is so forgetful nowadays."

"So long as you remember next time," Shen Jiu huffed, reaching out with his free hand to grab Liu Qingge by the sleeve to tug him closer. "Qingge, your story about the lava salamanders. You never finished telling us."

Liu Qingge boggled. "Is it even that interesting? It happened when I was like twelve."

"Because we all take on a horde of lava salamanders with a wooden sword when we're twelve and live to tell the tale." Shen Jiu rolled his eyes with extravagant effort. "You see what I have to live with? Every day this brat slays a giant on the way to see me and then acts like nothing happened. What a showoff!"

"That's the opposite of showing off," Liu Qingge snipped.

"Please," Yue Qingyuan said in a soft voice as they began to walk the Rainbow Bridge in tandem towards Qiong Ding, standing on one side of Shen Jiu while Liu Qingge was on the other, the green-eyed boy in between and holding onto both their arms to keep them close. "I'd love to hear more about it."

"Well..." Liu Qingge thought about it. "Sure. Now where did I leave off last time..."

"You got separated from your father and fell into a cave," Shen Jiu informed him. "And you didn't have a night pearl on you, so you tried to start a fire. Only..."

"Right, right," Liu Qingge murmured as Shen Jiu basically retold his childhood story for him for a curious Yue Qingyuan. "I remember now."

Yeah, he thought, gazing at his best friend the whole time as they took the long path to Qiong Ding.

It was definitely love.

Chapter Text

"Shen-shidi? Can we ask you something?"

Shen Jiu had been leaning against a column with his arms crossed outside the hall where the Head Disciples held their monthly meetings; he turned at the question, and saw a pair of young women in black robes - Qiong Ding disciples, clearly.

"Of course," he said amiably enough; these were Qi-ge's people after all, and now that they'd reconciled he might as well try and make nice. "What would the lovely shijies like to know?"

The one on the left giggled. "Forgive us for being impertinent, but we were wondering..."

"Your relationship with Yue-shixiong," said the one on the right. "It's completely changed since the last time we saw, ah, I mean..."

As in, the debacle at the interpeak competition nearly a year ago. Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "It's fine. We're better now, obviously."

"Yes," the girl on the left said. "But may we ask how you and Yue-shixiong knew each other prior..."

As if he was going to start handing out his backstory to just anyone who asked him. "He's my gege," Shen Jiu said. "And we've known each other for a long time. That's all."

"Childhood friends?" the girl on the right asked with bright eyes.

He smiled. "Yes. For as long as I've known him."

The girls began giving each other strange looks and whispering something to each other - not that Shen Jiu cared about the conversation anymore. The door to the meeting hall had opened, and the first one out was Yue Qingyuan as always, followed by the other Head Disciples.

"Qi-ge," Shen Jiu said. "I'm starving."

"Good thing you're staying for dinner," Yue Qingyuan said smoothly. "The food at the dining hall is really quite exceptional. Don't you agree, Liu-shidi?"

Beside him, Liu Qingge shrugged. "It's pretty good. Better than ours, anyway."

Shen Jiu's jaw dropped. "Since when did you eat over at Qiong Ding? I don't remember this!"

"You were busy sometimes!" Liu Qingge said. "Not like we shared every meal together to begin with..."

Shen Jiu was positive they had since they'd become friends. "If you say so," he grumbled as they began to walk towards the dining hall. "Then you better give me the best pieces."

"Wouldn't dream of anything else," Liu Qingge said in a deadpan, making Yue Qingyuan chuckle.

As Shen Jiu walked away from his questioners, he stood in between Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge as always, linking arms with Qi-ge since he'd gotten used to the youth leaning on him for support, even if he could walk fine on his own nowadays.

But while linking arms was a perfectly innocent act for the now-reconciled pair, people observing their new sense of harmony from the outside had very little context for just how and why their relationship had changed so suddenly for the better, and speculation ran amok as a result...

And as they always say, what do you do when you find some quality wood?

You build a ship, that's what.

*

"And where do you think you're going right now?"

Shen Jiu stared at a group of Bai Zhan outer disciples, some so small they didn't even make it up to his shoulder.

That was not the problem. The problem was that it was midnight, long past curfew for disciples as young as these. He should not have seen them making their way towards the Rainbow Bridge when there was no reason for them to be out and about so late.

One of the brats stepped forth and saluted Shen Jiu. "Shen-shixiong!" he said in a sharp, high-pitched voice. "This Cao Yu was about to administer justice to the arrogant devils of Qing Jing Peak tonight!"

Shen Jiu stared at him in disbelief. "You what now."

Another boy piped up, "Shen-shixiong, you won't believe what they said about us! They said we were stupid and didn't know how to read! That we're just savages who use our fists for everything!"

"Also that it would be easier to teach a goldfish how to play weiqi than one of us!" Cao Yu added with righteous fury.

"I... see," Shen Jiu said, stunned. "And who told you this, exactly."

At this the children fell quiet.

"No one?" Shen Jiu said, raising a brow. "Is that so, then?"

"Chu - Chu Xiu said it!" Cao Yu said. "Chu Xiu said we were smelly and stupid and that we were just dumb brutes! Isn't that so unfair, shixiong?"

"Evidently," Shen Jiu said dryly, who felt the exact same way. "Such fighting words from this... Chu Xiu." (Was this literally just another child they were feuding with?) "And what were you going to do to prove this person wrong?"

"We were going to sneak onto Qing Jing and pelt their dormitory with rotten eggs!" Cao Yu said proudly.

"... were you," Shen Jiu said in a flat voice.

The boy's friends caught onto his tone. "Shut up, Cao Yu!" one of them hissed, but it was too late.

"What else?"

"We thought about throwing paint onto their library," Cao Yu went on. "See how they like not being able to read for once! And then maybe we could... uh..." He wilted under Shen Jiu's stare. "Make them regret talking bad about us?"

"By behaving exactly the way they said you would?" Shen Jiu said. "Attacking your fellow sectmares' home with projectiles, trying to ruin priceless books, destroy their peak? Does that sound like something a dumb brute would or would not do?"

Cao Yu's mouth was open, yet he couldn't seem to speak anymore.

"No?" said Shen Jiu. "None of you can tell me what that kind of behaviour sounds like?"

"But shixiong," a small voice said from the back, "they were being so mean to us."

Children often were, yes. "Then insult them right back," Shen Jiu said. "Use the words they think you don't know, the education they think you're too dumb to understand. You are a Cang Qiong cultivator first and foremost; emperors would go to war for the knowledge we hold in our library in Bai Zhan alone. You have the capacity to be as brilliant and clever and knowledgeable as any of your shixiongs and teachers; you just have to know that the opportunity is out there.

"And you have the right to defend yourself from anyone who insults you," he added. "But if I ever catch you - any of you - trying to destroy people's homes, their livelihoods because what they said made you angry, then I am going to send you straight to An Ding and make you rebuild everything you destroyed, hand by hand, and you don't get to come back until you're done."

"No, shixiong!" The children unanimously groaned, horrified by the labour such a punishment would involve.

"And," Shen Jiu said, "I'll make you write an apology letter after."

"Noo!! That's not fair!"

He smiled. "Then don't do the crime, simple as that. Now go back to your dormitory or I'm going to call for Shizun. And you do not want to interrupt his beauty sleep this late at night."

"Yes, Shen-shixiong!"

The children ran off after he dismissed them - back in the direction of the junior dorms, thankfully. Shen Jiu noticed one boy dawdling however, a freckle-nosed boy who hovered near him with twitching hands but didn't say anything.

"Yes?" he asked. "Do you still need something?"

"Shen-shixiong..." The boy tread a little closer, fingers laced nervously together. "... what if..."

"Speak up. I can't hear you."

"What if," the boy swallowed, "what if I am just dumb and stupid like Chu Xiu says... and I can't do what you said we should, because... um..." He drifted off.

"And why do you think you're dumb?" Shen Jiu studied him.

"I... reading is really, really hard," the boy mumbled. "I don't understand anything in my character book, and I don't understand my manual either. Maybe I'm just not smart enough to be here..."

The boy looked all of eleven; Shen Jiu didn't know how he could say any of that with confidence.

(But then, he'd been very frustrated with his cultivation manual too, once.)

"What classes do you take right now?" Shen Jiu asked, and the boy told him. Basic physical training and history and meditation lessons like every other new disciple, peppered in with chores, and little else.

Simple enough, save for one detail; these beginner classes assumed a disciple came in already knowing how to read and write, as well as have familiarity with cultivation. Disciples who lacked such basic knowledge would inevitably flounder in their classes, and as Bai Zhan had always been casually run and disciples expected to largely teach themselves after a certain point, it would be easy for a struggling disciple to get lost in the crowd and fall farther and farther behind, until one day they were thirty and still too low in aptitude to be able to visit Wan Jian's sword mound for a spiritual sword of their own.

"I see," Shen Jiu said finally. "What's your name, then?"

"Jin Ran, Shen-shixiong," the boy said in a small voice.

"Alright," Shen Jiu said. "Jin Ran, you're not dumb. You're just having a hard time in your classes and need some help."

"Oh!" the boy said in relief. Then, "But I don't know who to ask for help from..."

At this, Shen Jiu smiled a little. "You can ask me. I'm a very good reader, you know."

"Really?!" Jin Ran squeaked. "But shixiong, aren't you always busy and away from the peak now..."

Busy babysitting his Qi-ge to make sure he took his proper breaks and snacks, yes. "I'm still a Bai Zhan cultivator first," Shen Jiu said, flicking the kid on the forehead. "And don't worry. I'll think of a way to help you - and everyone else on Bai Zhan who's struggling."

"Oh, okay," Jin Ran said. "Then, um, shixiong, I really look forward to it! Okay, bye now!"

The boy ran off after that, and left Shen Jiu both amused and deep in thought about what he was going to do next.

*

"Qingge, I want to teach a class for disciples who still need help learning to read."

It was the morning after, and they were having breakfast at the dining table together; congee a la Qingge, and some cured duck eggs and vegetable buns with their tea.

Shen Jiu had been thinking about what to do with Jin Ran and other disciples like him all night. It was evident the boy needed more thorough and personal guidance than what he'd been given so far; it was also evident that Bai Zhan just didn't hand out that kind of generosity to any of its brats, and you basically had to be brilliant to earn that kind of attention from a shixiong or teacher... or just stumble into it one day, like Shen Jiu had.

(He'd been lucky, hadn't he?)

The generational handover was only a few years off, now that the Qing Jing Peak Lord had finally made her choice and all of the successors for the Qing generation were set in stone.

Liu Qingge would be the Bai Zhan Peak Lord one day, and while Shen Jiu had faith that his silly goose would be a renowned warrior one day (if he wasn't already!), Liu Qingge had never taken much interest in the inner politics of the peak and how Bai Zhan was run either.

"I think it would be good too, if you spent more time with the younger kids," Shen Jiu offered. Though they were the youngest of Bai Zhan's inner disciples aka the only ones qualified to even be considered for the position of Peak Lord, the peak continued to take on outer disciples, and some of those children would still need guidance when Liu Qingge took over. "It doesn't have to be much; just do some exercises with them once a week, let them ask you questions. They need a role model, anyway."

"They look up to you, don't they?" Liu Qingge said, confused.

Shen Jiu huffed. "They treat me with respect because I'm their shixiong and can punish them if they step out of line. It's not the same. You remember those bastards who tried to ruin your face before?"

Liu Qingge grimaced. "How could I not."

Shixiongs Yu and Xi had both left Bai Zhan a year back, no doubt to pursue their own prospects elsewhere. Even so, Shen Jiu doubted they were the last of the troublemakers left on the peak.

"Well, they're the kind of people who've been influencing the newer disciples until now," he said. "Teaching the kids it's a point of pride for them to get into fights and destroy property if they're not shown respect. Telling them the only thing that matters is physical might, and even spiritual cultivators are weaker." Ugh, now that he thought about it, he had probably never been the only spiritual cultivator on Bai Zhan... just the only one allowed to make something of himself. "And that's not even mentioning the fact that there are no female disciples on Bai Zhan. I refuse to believe there hasn't ever been a single girl at the trials who doesn't have the aptitude for what we do."

"But that's because - "

"If you say it's because you think women are weaker, then I'll cut your knees off, Qingge," Shen Jiu said with a smile. A very not-nice smile.

"Of course I don't think that," Liu Qingge said, a little offended. "As if you didn't see my gugu suplex a Twin-Tusked Crescent Boar back home." He chewed on his lip. "It's just... tradition? The women in my family have always gone to Xian Shu. Even gugu."

"And it's like that for a lot of cultivation families?" Shen Jiu asked.

Liu Qingge nodded. "There are a lot of women-only sects, but Xian Shu is the most prestigious. They're part of Cang Qiong and carries its protection. It's the safest place for them to be."

And Bai Zhan, in comparison, was a sty of wild pigs who wallowed only in mud. "So even if a girl from a cultivation family wanted to try for Bai Zhan..."

"Her family would steer her clear," Liu Qingge said. "Even if she had the aptitude for it."

And as for a girl from an ordinary family - that wasn't even worth bringing up. Any parent would be horrified and take her right back home to get married to a shepherd.

"I want Bai Zhan to be a safe place for everyone," Shen Jiu said. He raised his brow. "And I especially don't want us to be a peak that our sectmates dread interacting with because they don't know how we'll react half the time. No more of those obnoxious raids. No more 'you do everything on your own and it's a crapshoot if you can find someone to actually help you when you need it'." Do you even realise how lost I was until you helped me with my manual that day, Qingge? If you hadn't been there, I would have run away from Cang Qiong a long time ago. I really... used to hate living here, until I met you."

It had been over two years since he had first joined Bai Zhan, and Shen Jiu had thought he'd left his initial frustrations behind. But talking to Jin Ran last night, and now this conversation, brought it all out again.

He... really had been struggling for a while there. And while Shen Jiu had been lucky, there was only one Qingge to go around.

"I... didn't know that." Liu Qingge looked as distressed at the thought of having never met Shen Jiu as much as the other way around. "It's always been easy for me. I never thought..."

"I know." Shen Jiu reached out for his hand and the boy reflexively linked fingers with him. "But you helped me and showed me I could belong on this peak too. Don't you want that for everyone who'll join Bai Zhan when you're Peak Lord one day? You're already the strongest person I know." Liu Qingge preened at the compliment, even if by now they both knew it was a lie; it was the sincerity that counted. "And you're going to be an amazing warrior one day. But it would mean just as much if you could turn Bai Zhan into a place where anyone who wanted to be strong got the chance to. You can be a real leader to people who need it, Qingge."

"I... yeah, okay," Liu Qingge croaked. He really did look as if he hadn't considered any of this before, which was just fine so long as he was willing to hear him out.

Shen Jiu smiled. "And you have me. I'll be your second-in-command, I'll be here for as long as you are. We can do it all together."

"Yeah," Liu Qingge said; he was a little pink now. "Okay then. That sounds great."

It was a promise.

*

It was true; Liu Qingge really hadn't considered what things would look like on Bai Zhan Peak after he became Peak Lord.

He hadn't imagined much would change for him personally, save that he and Shen Jiu would move into his Shizun's now-quarters together and he would have more exotic and dangerous missions to take on when needed.

Bai Zhan already had its quartermasters, its cooks and cleaners and stair sweeps, people who kept the peak running daily and didn't need the Peak Lord personally getting involved in what to serve for dinner, per se. At the same time, Liu Qingge had thought he would carry out his duties much like Shizun, who picked a few hopefuls at the disciple trials to try their hand at climbing up Bai Zhan's infamous trial passage, and if they made it up to the mountain they were through.

Shizun didn't teach classes personally either, but he did take enterprising disciples on missions and promote the ones who were worthy. But other than that...

Liu Qingge knew that Shen Jiu was right about the peak being a gongshow at how it operated. But what the youth didn't know was that Liu Qingge hadn't stumbled in on him by accident that fateful day they first met.

No, Liu Qingge had been aware of Shen Jiu since the day the boy first joined the peak; Shizun had asked Liu Qingge to look after him personally, since they were so close in age together.

But he hadn't wanted to; Liu Qingge had climbed up Bai Zhan's passage on his own when he was ten, his hands swollen and nails bleeding by the miserable end, and triumphed on strength of will and his own hard work. He'd wanted no part in babysitting a boy older than him - a sixteen-year-old, too old to even learn orthodox cultivation properly - who had simply caught Shizun's whimsy and been brought onto the peak just like that. What qualifications did Shen Jiu even have to belong on Bai Zhan?

How could he even know what hard work looked like when he'd skipped the first gauntlet every Bai Zhan disciple went through?

In fact, would he even be able to last a year on his own?

For a month Liu Qingge kept to his own training and didn't pay attention to how the new boy was doing, whether he was struggling or not.

And then. One day he'd gotten tired of just spending all his free time in his room, and walked around the lower reaches of the peak where people seldom went, and met a boy there.

And saw him trying. Trying so, so hard to follow what his manual told him, even if his frustration was bringing him to tears. Watching him practice over and over again to no avail had been like watching a kitten flailing as it tried to swim out of a puddle too deep for its small body.

And unable to watch the kitten struggle until it eventually gave up and drowned, Liu Qingge had opened up his big mouth and spoke for the first time to the boy his shizun had asked him to take care of so long ago.

He hadn't known it was Shen Jiu then, only putting face to name together at their first public match three months later. But even after he'd returned to his own lessons, his training and one-man missions and solitude, he'd wondered if the boy was doing better now.

If he'd listened to him and got a manual that suited him, if he could tailor Bai Zhan's body-pulverising techniques for a spiritual cultivator, if he no longer looked so frustrated when he practiced by himself...

And if he wanted to maybe train with Liu Qingge one day...

And once they met again at the public match and knew each other's names properly, everything else was history.

And you have me, Shen Jiu had said. He would stay on Bai Zhan with Liu Qingge both as his best friend and second-in-command. They could rule the peak together, they could do it all together, and no one else could say anything against it or face Liu Qingge's wrath and fury...

Liu Qingge buried his face in his hands and groaned.

He just... didn't want them to only stay best friends forever, you know?

*

"Is there something on my face?" Shen Jiu said.

"Huh?" Mu Qingfang blinked at him. "Of course not; what makes you say so?"

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "For some reason it felt like everyone was staring at me when I was on the Rainbow Bridge today. And I'm even trying to be nice nowadays; what's their problem?"

"Who knows what people are thinking about," Mu Qingfang said diplomatically. "Now let's get back to work."

"Sure," Shen Jiu said, and went back to grinding herbs for the healer.

He'd been dropping by Qian Cao lately and helping Mu Qingfang with whatever he needed, as thanks for taking good care of Yue Qingyuan... and well, everything else Mu Qingfang had done for Shen Jiu over the years. Without the older boy's sanguine attitude and sensible bedside manner, Shen Jiu would have probably stayed clear of doctors forever.

But Mu-shidi had always been good to him. And so, Shen Jiu would do whatever the healer wanted when he was free. Sometimes that meant hunting down a rare herb to grow or use as medicine, sometimes that meant weeding and harvesting his personal medicinal garden (apparently all Qian Cao disciples got their own little patch to experiment with!)... and sometimes, like now, it was assisting the healer while he made a herbal ointment for an older patient who needed some itch relief. ‘Twas mundane work but peaceful, and Shen Jiu was learning along the way, so he enjoyed it while it lasted.

He helped Mu Qingfang make medicine for the rest of the day, creams and tonics and pills for various patients and so on. By the time they were done it was late enough that Shen Jiu accepted his shidi’s offer to dine at Qian Cao instead of heading back to Bai Zhan and finding only leftovers and scraps.

Even as they walked towards the hall, however, Qian Cao disciples would give Shen Jiu even more curious looks than usual before whispering to each other and giggling.

This nonsense again. Shen Jiu scowled. "What in the world could they have to say against me now?" He'd been on Qiong Ding and friendly enough with Qi-ge in public that even if people still had something against him for how he'd acted before, they should at least have the sense to hold their noses when he walked by and gossip about him only in private!

"It's not that," Mu Qingfang said helplessly. "No one is saying anything bad about you anymore, Shen-shixiong."

Shen Jiu grumbled. "I really don't know what else it could be though..." Apart from Liu Qingge and Qi-ge and Mu Qingfang now, he still didn't have any other friends in Cang Qiong. Who was going to defend him if someone talked poorly about him save for those three?

(Well maybe Shizun, on the rare days Shen Jiu didn't give him a white hair...)

"You don't?" Mu Qingfang said. "Really?"

"Of course not!" Shen Jiu said. He then narrowed his eyes. "But you do."

The healer hurried up his steps. "It's just gossip, hearsay. Nothing to worry yourself about, really - "

"Mu Qingfang, you come back right here - "

*

"Me and Qi-ge?" Shen Jiu squawked a quarter-shichen later, when they were both seated at a private table far from everyone else, with heaping plates full of vegetables and brown rice for dinner before them. "But why would anyone think about us like that?"

Mu Qingfang's brows shot up into his hairline. "You don't know?" he said in disbelief. "Shen-shixiong, people have been baffled about you two since last year. At first they thought you only hated each other, but ever since you became glued at the hip together..."

"He almost died," Shen Jiu said.

Mu Qingfang's expression turned sober again. "I know."

"Qi-ge almost died. And while I waited at his bedside, I realised that everything I used to hate him for just didn't matter anymore. I didn't want our relationship to end the way it had before. I'd just... only ever wanted to know that he loved me.

“And still loved me." He wiped away the small tears in his eyes before they could grow into a flood. "But not like that!" he added hurriedly. "He's my gege, the one who raised me since I was born. But I don't..." He looked away, turning pink and refusing to say anymore.

"It's Mingjin, isn't it," Mu Qingfang said dryly.

"How did you - " Shen Jiu whipped his head back in shock, then glared when he realised the healer was shaking with silent laughter.

"Yes," he hissed. "Yes, I'm in love with your little cousin. Want to say that any louder?"

"No, no, it's fine." Mu Qingfang dabbed at his eyes with his sleeve. "But why not tell him, Shen-shixiong? You two have been close for a long time now. He certainly wouldn't hate you for it."

Shen Jiu swallowed. "I know. It's just... we have been close for a long time. I don't know if I want to change what we have by telling him how I feel and risk it going wrong. What if he doesn't feel the same way - "

"Let me stop you right there and say I have never seen Mingjin more consumed by anyone - anything in his entire life," Mu Qingfang said. "He cares about you more than fighting, more than Cheng Luan, even more than his family's honour. He adores you, and I think you know that."

Shen Jiu covered his face with his hands, too red to be seen in public anymore. "I... really?"

"Let me put it this way. What Mingjin has done for you over the years... sharing a home with you, going on missions with you, taking you to visit his family and even introduce you to Mingyan... do you think he would do that for just any friend of his? Do you think he's the type to give out his heart to just anyone who asks him?"

"No, of course not," Shen Jiu squeaked. Otherwise, half of Xian Shu would have been in line already.

"It's the same for you, no?" Mu Qingfang smiled. "I could have never expected you to become so close the first time I saw you two together; you looked like you wanted to bite his head off! But you have. You became best friends with my silly, battle-obsessed cousin... and made him very happy. And I don't think that's the end of your story just yet."

"I just..." Shen Jiu could hardly breathe for the rush of feelings threatening to suffocate him. "Want the right time to say it. Otherwise I'll be a mess, and scare him off."

"I don't think anything you do could do that," Mu Qingfang said. "But yes, you are a mess right now. Put yourself together before anyone sees."

*

"A'Jiu. You've always been my best friend. But now I want to be more..."

"A'Jiu... A'Jiu? Shen Jiu? Shen Jiu, please do me the honour of letting me court you for the purpose of..."

"I, Liu Qingge, would like the honour of courting Shen Jiu..."

Fucking hell, why couldn't he just spit it out already? At this rate, Shen Jiu would just think he was possessed and try to exorcise him!

Liu Qingge had no experience with romantic feelings, none whatsoever. As a child he'd always been blank-faced and bemused whenever adults spoke about the topic; even the tale of the Weaver and the Cowherd had left him cold, making his mother, the storyteller, sigh in defeat.

But... wasn't it a good thing, that he'd never cared about love or marriage or anything else involving romance? Cultivators were supposed to have as few worldly attachments as possible to improve their chances of ascension, right?

So who cared that he didn't care about any of that sappy nonsense?

Well, it turned out he had simply never met the right person before. And now, he was at a total loss as to how to proceed.

(He'd asked Qi Qingqi for advice, after the last Head Disciples' meeting.

At first she looked baffled that Liu Qingge was even trying to talk to her for a personal matter. Then she realised he was asking about romantic advice and bust her gut in laughter, gasping something undecipherable about Shen Jiu and Yue-shixiong in between cackles. Something something childhood friends something something Liu Qingge had no chance.

Well, he definitely DID have a chance!

Totally.)

For one, I don't want to marry Qi-ge.

Those words had been haunting him for the past month. That was... as good as a confession already, wasn't it? You didn't say that to people freely, you just didn't.

And if Shen Jiu meant what he said, if he really, really meant it, then...

(Well, the awkward truth was that they probably couldn't get married just yet, because while Liu Qingge and Shen Jiu's ages, currently sixteen-going-on-seventeen and eighteen respectively, were perfectly fine for mortals, no cultivation family would let their child get locked down so early. His parents had been in their sixties before they started formally courting!

Not to mention Liu Qingge had to talk to them about how to negotiate the pre-wedding rituals carefully, for while Shen Jiu had made a neat sum of money for himself over the years, there was no way he'd be able to provide a dowry grand enough for someone marrying into the Liu family.

They would definitely have to think of something.)

Shen Jiu as his husband though...

At once, the memories of the month they'd spent at the Liu estate together flooded Liu Qingge's mind, and he was bathed in comfort and pure joy.

He'd never had so much fun at home before. Him and Shen Jiu spending day and night together, training and eating together (they'd still never bathed together, even in a hot spring, but Shen Jiu no longer looked flustered when Liu Qingge saw him in only his inner robes)... well, wasn't that what marriage looked like? Being with your best friend and having a good time together?

Neither of them were pure mortals either, with wholly mortal concerns, and Liu Qingge's parents were still young and might have a few more children as the centuries went by. There would be no need for heirs from Liu Qingge, and even if there were, he wouldn't take a concubine, ever. He and Shen Jiu could simply adopt a child from a branch family if need be.

His A'Jiu carrying a little girl like Mingyan in his arms, kissing her plump cheek...

Liu Qingge had to stop himself before his delusions went on too far; he hadn't even told the other boy how he felt yet, and he was already dreaming about marriage and children?! Enough already!!

He would tell Shen Jiu sooner than later, Liu Qingge resolved. He just... wanted to wait for the right time first.

*

"The Qixi Festival?" Shen Jiu's jaw dropped. "I didn't realise it was coming up so soon!"

"Yeah." Liu Qingge scuffed the floor with his boot, butterflies in his stomach. "So I was thinking, did you want to..."

"I completely forgot! It's going to be Qi-ge's birthday and I don't have anything planned for him!"

"Uh." Liu Qingge blinked. "You what now."

Shen Jiu ran into his bedroom, pulling his drawers open for something or another. "The Qixi Festival is the Double Seventh Festival. None of us knew when we were born, so we would use festivals to celebrate our birthdays. For Qi-ge, it was the Qixi Festival. For me, it was the Chongyang Festival."

Double Ninth Festival, Liu Qingge realised. Of course.

"It was the only time of the year we could really do something special for each other," Shen Jiu said, looking harried as he could find nothing in his belongings that seemed to satisfy him. "And since it was a festival, it would always be fun no matter what. Oh, what did he used to like at the stalls..."

"Ah," Liu Qingge said blankly; he had absolutely nothing to contribute to this conversation whatsoever. "So you're going to spend the day with him?"

"Yeah." Shen Jiu sighed, tugging on his ponytail anxiously. "I need to make him something too. Maybe a sword tassel... his sword always looks so bare..."

Liu Qingge's stomach twisted in a jealousy he hadn't even known existed. His sword always looked bare. Cheng Luan didn't have a tassel; Liu Qingge had thought the accessory an unnecessary distraction. But if Shen Jiu was going to make Yue Qingyuan one, then...

"Shit, sorry," Shen Jiu said, snapping Liu Qingge out of his thoughts. "I completely got off track. What were you going to say before?"

Liu Qingge opened his mouth, then shut it again, at a loss.

"Qingge?" Shen Jiu looked at him expectantly.

"Uh... nothing," Liu Qingge said. "I just wanted to remind you it was coming up. That's all."

"... okay. Thanks."

And that was that.

*

Liu Qingge didn't even know why the hell he had come down here to begin with.

It was the night of the Qixi Festival, and the city below Cang Qiong had become as glorious as an imperial capital in its revelry, markets glowing with beautiful things to sell and food to devour.

Lovers wed and unwed drifted through the streets, alongside roaming groups of friends, many still in Cang Qiong uniform as they gawked at street performers and puppet shows and paper lanterns as big as a man's body. There was so much to see and so much to do.

So long as well, you were with someone and not just a moping loser on your lonesome.

He hadn't seen Shen Jiu all day; the boy had rushed out of their house after breakfast, carrying a wrapped package in his arms. Liu Qingge hadn't had the heart for anything after that; not practice, not meditation, and especially not "guidance".

Even the runts he'd been having weekly catch-up sessions with had asked why he seemed so quiet. And what could Liu Qingge say to them? Don't fall in love; the moment you do, the entire world will conspire against you.

The last time he'd been a mess over Shen Jiu he had nearly ended up having a qi deviation in his own fucking house, so Liu Qingge tried to avoid the exact same thing happening and distract himself by visiting the festivities alongside half of the sect, only to get bombarded by loving couples every other corner.

He'd even walked past a group of Qiong Ding disciples, and they were non-stop blabbing on about how they'd seen Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan having lunch together earlier and how it was just meant to be.

So that was it then, Liu Qingge thought grimly. He might be the one actually in love with Shen Jiu, but everyone else seemed convinced the latter and Yue Qingyuan were a thing instead. And with their backstory, wouldn't you think so.

He really wasn't cut out for this emotions stuff, was he?

He'd had enough. Liu Qingge decided to head back before the fireworks started and the crowds became truly unbearable, only for someone to grab his sleeve and jerk him to a stop in the middle of the street.

"Watch it," he snapped, shoving the person back.

Only to get a loud, "What the hell, Qingge!" in response, and an offended Shen Jiu staring back at him. Shen Jiu, who was very noticeably not wearing his uniform and instead had on pale green robes. "Is that how you act when I'm not around?"

Shit. "No," Liu Qingge said, flustered, but it was too late. Shen Jiu grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him to a quiet area by a riverbank.

"Where were you?" he exclaimed. "I was looking for you all over the peak!"

"Yeah, well..." Liu Qingge muttered.

"What was that?"

"What does it matter?" he snapped. "You were going to spend the whole day with Yue-shixiong, right? So why would it matter where I was? We weren't going to see each other anyway!"

Shen Jiu stared at him, baffled. Liu Qingge had no idea why he was saying all this either, but to his own horror he couldn't stop. God, but he sounded like a jealous brat. Even so...

"Okay," Shen Jiu said in a quiet voice. "I did spend the day with Yue-shixiong. We had lunch together and I gave him his gift. Then we were going to visit town with his shidis, and I tried to find you so we could go together. I didn't forget about you, I promise."

"Oh." Liu Qingge blinked, his nose sour and throat stuffy. "Sorry. I don't know why I'm acting like this right now..."

"No?" Shen Jiu took him by the arm again, only in a much gentler grip, and guided him to a spot where they could sit down. "Qingge... did you want to go to the Qixi Festival with me? Is that why you brought it up before?"

"No," he lied immediately. "I mean, we're here now..."

"Stupid." Shen Jiu smiled, taking a small package out from his sleeve. "This is for you."

Liu Qingge didn't breathe as he took the package from Shen Jiu and unwrapped it. Within the paper was a white brocade silk pouch... and within that pouch was a sword tassel, a round obsidian carving knotted around a brilliantly white silk tassel.

"I don't know if it'll work with Cheng Luan yet," Shen Jiu murmured, watching him hold the tassel up to the light of nearby lanterns and the moon above to see. "But when I was making Qi-ge's tassel, I realised I'd never given you a gift for your birthday either before. And look."

He pulled out Xin Yong briefly and tapped the hilt; a tassel was attached there as well, one with a mutton fat jade engraving and black silk thread. "I made Qi-ge's tassel just in black," Shen Jiu said. "But yours and mine are like counterparts; they go together." He was bright pink as he spoke, looking more at the ground than Liu Qingge.

Oh, Liu Qingge thought, his heart going soft.

What had he even been jealous of at the end of the day. Shen Jiu's affection? Shen Jiu loved Yue-shixiong, but he loved Liu Qingge just as much, even made a pair of tassels that reminded the world they belonged together.

He... really didn't know he could have ever found someone so special like this. He must have been a martial god in his past life, or a Buddha. Nothing else made sense.

"Thank you," Liu Qingge whispered, mouthing it more than anything.

"It's fine." Shen Jiu rubbed his cheek, bashful. "Oh, look. The fireworks are going to start now. We have a good view too, right? Haha..."

"Yeah…”

This was the time, right? There would never be better timing. Sitting on a riverbank together on the night of the Qixi Festival after Shen Jiu had gifted him a sword tassel that complimented his own. He'd never been a coward before; he couldn't start now, right?

Liu Qingge began, "Shen Jiu, I - "

Fireworks shot up into the sky and exploded all around them.

"My god." Shen Jiu stared up at the night sky, transfixed by the brilliance, the light. "Qingge, this is amazing. Look at this!"

"I'm looking," Liu Qingge said, looking right at Shen Jiu, a thousand colours in a thousand gleams reflected in the boy's eyes as he watched the fireworks with his mouth open in childlike wonder.

The Qixi Festival might have been Yue-shixiong's birthday, but Shen Jiu... Liu Qingge didn't think he had ever seen him look so happy until now.

It would only be the first of many, he promised himself. His best friend, his beloved, his future husband would never have to suffer again, never face hunger and misery again, would never have to wait an entire year for a single day where he could be spoiled and be happy...

No. From now until the end of their days, Liu Qingge would give Shen Jiu everything he had and adore him with all his might; he deserved nothing less.

And so, when Shen Jiu finally tore his gaze away from the show above and said excitedly, "Qingge, did you see that - "

Liu Qingge kissed him.

*

Fireworks above him, people laughing and singing all around him.

And in front of him, a beautiful boy who was currently kissing the breath out of him and wouldn't let go.

Well, that was alright. Shen Jiu wouldn't let go of him either.

(Would you?)

*

"Silly goose. Was that so hard now?"

The fireworks had ended, and with that people had either begun to drift home or roam the last of the night markets for a final hurrah, but Shen Jiu...

Well, he just curled up in Liu Qingge's arms and stayed there with him on the riverbank, neither of them particularly inclined to move at the moment.

Liu Qingge gaped, his mouth bruised red. "You knew?" he said, flustered. "Since when!"

Shen Jiu smiled. "I had a feeling," he murmured.

(Alright, and maybe a verbal shove courtesy of Mu Qingfang. He was allowed to have moral support!)

"You've always been so good to me." Liu Qingge's robes had loosened up that his collarbone was in plain sight, and Shen Jiu started running a finger on that wonderful slip of bare skin. "And I didn't think you'd treat just anyone like that." He grinned. "And I was right."

"And - and you?" Liu Qingge said, still looking like a deer in front of a warhorse when just moments ago, he was the one who had kissed Shen Jiu first. "When did you know? That you, uh..."

"After we saved that woman and her child," Shen Jiu said. "You were so brave and heroic, I thought I would have fallen for you if I'd been her. And then I realised I already had fallen for you a long time ago."

"Oh." Liu Qingge swallowed, the bob in his throat dipping up and down. "That's good."

"I love you, Liu Mingjin," Shen Jiu said, and tried not to laugh when Liu Qingge turned red at the confession. Even! After! All! That!

"And," he added. "You love me too."

"I love you too," Liu Qingge repeated after him.

Then...

"I love you, Shen Jiu," he said, in a soft voice and with soft eyes. "My A'Jiu, my Zhinu. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Shen Jiu's heart was ready to burst; he'd wanted to hear that all his life. "Same here," he whispered, and buried his face in Liu Qingge's neck.

They didn't let go of each other all night long.

*

"Really? You saw that in public?"

"Yes! It was so dramatic too! But poor Yue-shixiong. What'll happen to him now..."

"But he doesn't look heartbroken, does he? He's even talking to Liu-shidi normally like he always does!"

"That's just because he's good at keeping up a strong front! But behind the scenes, oh…”

"I don't know, Xiyue, maybe there was never anything to it. I mean, Shen-shidi is pretty fierce but he doesn't seem the kind of person to play around with people's hearts like that..."

"You're right," a low voice cut through. "I absolutely am not."

The two Qiong Ding disciples practically jumped in the air as a figure stepped forwards them; Shen Jiu, in pristine white uniform, smiling, and he did not. Look. Amused.

"I would like to remind the lovely shijies," he said in a sonorous voice, "that Yue-shixiong is my gege above all things, that the one you refer to as Liu-shidi is my cultivation partner, and of Qiong Ding's Precept 341: Those who speak out of order, slander. And since I just so happen to know a Qiong Ding Head Disciple..."

"Our apologies!" Both disciples bowed at the waist immediately in horror. "We'll never say anything about Shen-shidi's personal life again!"

"... or anyone's personal life, honestly," Shen Jiu said. "But that'll have to do." He raised a brow. "For now."

"... yes, Shen-shidi."

"Good." He smiled. "Thank you for hearing me out."

And then he walked off.

*

"There you are," Liu Qingge said. "What was that about? Since when do you talk to Qiong Ding people?"

"Since whenever I feel like it," Shen Jiu demurred. Liu Qingge slid an arm around his waist the moment he stepped close enough. "Qi-ge, are you going to eat on Bai Zhan with us? Everyone's been asking when you're finally going to show up."

"Well..." Yue Qingyuan smiled helplessly. "How about next week? I still have some correspondence to sort out for Shizun at the moment."

"Ugh, as if that old hag deserves anything from you." Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "Okay, see you later then."

"Mm, see you," Liu Qingge said. Yue Qingyuan waved them goodbye... and then bit his lip to stifle a laugh when Liu Qingge kept his gaze on him and mouthed thank you before heading off.

Young lovers; sometimes they just needed a nudge in the right direction.

Chapter Text

"Qingge, watch out!"

Liu Qingge ducked and just in time; a blast of spiritual energy shot right over his head, singeing off the end of his ponytail as it whipped up into the air - it had been just that close.

Liu Qingge leapt back to his feet immediately, and Shen Jiu rushed over, frantic with worry.

"What was it?" Liu Qingge asked, squeezing his shoulder to reassure him he was fine, even if he wasn't sure what had just happened.

"What else, a ghost was about to attack you from the back," Shen Jiu said. "Dummy, that's why you don't fight in only one direction the whole time. Your battle awareness is a mess!"

Liu Qingge grinned at his nagging. "That's why you're here, aren't you?"

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "As if we'll always be on missions together. I can't get you out of a mess every single time..."

Liu Qingge stepped a little closer to him, slipping a hand on the small of his back. "Can't we?" he countered. "I'll be Peak Lord soon enough. Who's to say we can't do everything together? Who's going to stop me?"

"Well..." Shen Jiu flushed pink. "I guess you're right about that..."

The man looked up at Liu Qingge with a half-lidded gaze, a small sweet smile on his tempting mouth. Liu Qingge leaned down for a kiss, tightening his hold on his lover's waist -

And then a previously forgotten Shang Qinghua very noisily "woke up" from the dead and looked around, then saw what they were about to do and passed out at once again.

"God, I forgot he was even here," Shen Jiu sniffed as he stepped away, the mood ruined. "Why did Shizun even tell us to bring him? Ugh..."

They did have a bad habit of getting into detours and arriving back late to the sect when they went on missions only with each other, but Liu Qingge couldn't help it; there were so many beautiful places in the world and he wanted to show Shen Jiu all of them.

Besides, he would be in charge soon. Then they would go on as many journeys together as they wanted, and Shizun could only grumble about their tardiness from the heavens to the other ascended Peak Lords.

Liu Qingge followed his beloved to the carriage nearby, gaze on Shen Jiu's slender back the whole time. Without stopping he called out, "Get up right now or fly back on your own; we're leaving."

Instantly, there was a choking sound and the scrabble of scrambling limbs as Shang Qinghua got up and broke into a sprint while crying out:

"Don't leave me behind! What did I ever do to you, Liu-shidi!"

Just imagine; this man was going to be his shixiong and in charge of the sect's entire budget one day. Liu Qingge shivered just thinking about it.

*

So much had happened the past few years, and now the reigning Peak Lords were finally ready to ascend and the Qing generation take over. But first:

The Qixi Festival.

It was in the haze of sunrise the morning after when Liu Qingge and Shen Jiu finally arrived back at the sect, hand in hand; they'd been too drunk in love to get it together and go home before that.

Immediately after returning to their place, Shen Jiu scribbled a DO NOT DISTURB message on a slip of talisman paper on their front door. "There," he said smugly. "It's already been charmed, so any idiot trying to barge in gets shocked."

Do not disturb could mean a lot of things to a pair of new lovers, but they were both exhausted after their night out, and just kicked off their boots and stripped into their inner robes before climbing into Liu Qingge's bed together, limbs all over each other.

Shen Jiu yawned and tucked his head under Liu Qingge's chin, eyes screwed shut in exhaustion, and Liu Qingge realised that even they were only lying side to side, it had been a long time since Shen Jiu had looked down at him; Liu Qingge was probably taller than his best friend now.

Well, he thought, feeling drowsy himself. Not just his best friend now.

His lover.

They slept half the day away, and when Liu Qingge woke again it was already late afternoon. Shen Jiu grumbled when he left the bed but slept in for a little longer, while Liu Qingge washed up and changed...

And immediately sat down to pen a letter to his mother.

Sue him; whenever Liu Qingge passed an important milestone in his life, he wrote to his mother and listened to whatever she advised him after.

He'd been living away from his parents since he was ten, and it had been a long time before even that when he used to be able to go to them for comfort. They were always busy, and moreover he conscious of the image he presented as the scion of the main clan and a future Bai Zhan cultivator like his father. Barring his few visits home, these letters were the only connection he had left to his family.

And so, Liu Qingge wrote:

A'Jiu and I are now lovers. I am devoted to him whole-heartedly and wish to cherish him for the rest of our lives. I also want to marry him, the sooner the better. Your advice would be most welcome.

He also wrote a small aside on the ambiguity of Shen Jiu's past and how he likely had no family left beyond Yue-shixiong, nor any funds outside the money he had earned on various missions over the years.

Liu Qingge didn't care about any of those things, nor would his parents. Nor was he too specific; he knew how Shen Jiu would feel if outsiders knew about his personal situation when he had only revealed it to Liu Qingge in the most dire of circumstances. Nevertheless, it was better to give his mother some warning so she'd be able to help him navigate any curveballs in the future.

No one would ever speak poorly of Shen Jiu in Cang Qiong and live after Liu Qingge got their hands on them, but outside of the sect, in the halls of the Liu clan and among other renowned cultivators, Liu Qingge wanted to know what to do to protect his beloved if anyone was rude beyond telling them to put up or shut up. He would be the Bai Zhan Peak Lord one day, yes, but a brute who thought only with his fists?

Well, not anymore.

A pair of soft arms looped around his neck, and a face nuzzled against the top of his head.

"What are you doing?" Shen Jiu murmured, voice still scratchy and low; he must have just gotten up.

"Writing to A'Niang." Liu Qingge held up his now-finished letter and let him read it.

"Is it too much?" he asked, when Shen Jiu gave him back the letter without saying anything. "I can scrap it if you want; I just don't want people to hurt you in the future, whether they're being ignorant or malicious. My mother could help us. But..." He hesitated.

"No, it's fine." Shen Jiu blinked, rubbing at the corner of his eyes. "You weren't specific, and yeah... you're right. I don't have anyone but Qi-ge, and I especially don't have any real money in comparison to your family - "

"I don't care," Liu Qingge said, getting up and reaching for the other boy's hands. "I'd marry you for nothing. We don't even have to follow any of the betrothal rites if we don't want to."

"Mm," Shen Jiu sniffled, eyes damp. "Okay."

"I just..." Liu Qingge leaned in, pressing their brows together. "You deserve all the honour and prestige that goes into marrying into my clan. I don't want to make people think I'm embarrassed by hiding you away when nothing could be further than the truth. I want the whole world to know you'll be my husband one day and that I adore you."

"Oh - okay," Shen Jiu hiccuped, then tore his hands away, refusing to look at him. "It's not even like I agreed to marry you right away though!"

"Didn't you?" Liu Qingge grinned at how flustered he was. "Didn't you say something about marriage before? About who you wanted or didn't want to marry...?"

"I said I didn't want to marry Qi-ge, I said nothing about you!" Shen Jiu squawked, red as a hawthorn.

"Then - " Liu Qingge seized his chance. "Will you marry me? Would you do me the eternal honour of becoming my husband and cultivation partner, A'Jiu? Be mine and only mine for this lifetime and next - "

"Oh, alright!" Shen Jiu cried out, hiding his face with his sleeves. "You're so embarrassing, Qingge. Saying all that like I even have a choice..."

"Don't you?" Liu Qingge asked him.

"I - " Shen Jiu swallowed, then slowly put his arms down; he looked like he would burst into tears if teased any further, an image Liu Qingge had never even thought possible before.

"Yes," he said in a shy voice. "I guess I do."

Liu Qingge broke into a huge smile. "Then there you go," he said, and opened his arms, Shen Jiu wrapping arms around his neck and holding onto him so tight it could crush bone.

"And one more thing," the boy whispered into his ear. "If you ever even think of taking a second wife or concubine because your family asks you to, because you need heirs or anything that might come up, know that I will cut off your dick the first chance I get. You're mine too, Liu Mingjin. That better fucking mean something to you."

"Of course it does," Liu Qingge whispered, hugging him back just as tight. He wouldn't have it any other way.

"Then it's a deal," Shen Jiu said, and kissed him on the cheek.

*

His mother's response came back in two days, which was alarmingly fast; usually it took around a fortnight. Then again, her son had written to her in highly unusual circumstances.

All accounts and my own personal observations tell me Shen Jiu is a graceful and brilliant young man, and you two will make a harmonious pair together...

Then came some advice on how to navigate the uncertainty of Shen Jiu's past in case it ever came up in company and so on. Liu Qingge re-read that section obsessively, though in all likelihood if anyone ever slandered his beloved's lack of pedigree he would still just end up knocking them on their ass and paying them dust if they went crying to his clan after.

It was the last part of her letter that gave him pause though:

Mingjin, I know you must be beside yourself with happiness right now, and your mother supports your match wholly. Nevertheless, I strongly advise you to wait until at least your crowning ceremony has passed to formally begin the pre-marital rites.

Your father and I will be more free and able to assist you conduct them properly. Your relationship will also be taken more seriously once you are both established. Take it from me; there is no harm in waiting a little.

"Is that all?" Shen Jiu said, when Liu Qingge passed him the letter to read with a glum expression. "Your mother just wants you to wait until you're twenty; why are you so upset?"

"'m not," Liu Qingge said, unable to put up a good front for anything.

Shen Jiu pinched him on the cheek. "Silly you. Tell me, what are we missing out on right now? We already live together, eat together, spend our whole day together. It's not like we're even being kept apart until the wedding."

Well, yes. But Liu Qingge wanted to be his husband now.

Not to mention... there was one other thing they weren't currently doing that marriage would allow them to. But that was something for later, Liu Qingge thought as his face flushed. He was just thinking about it, okay?!

"Mingjin," Shen Jiu said gently. "I'm happy enough your mother accepts us and is willing to let us get married. Besides, she's right. It'll be better if we do it when we're older and more established. I'm not afraid of waiting. Especially when I already get to see you every day."

"Yeah," Liu Qingge said, mollified. "Okay."

*

One day they were still just a pair of gawky teenagers wrapped up within each other, with only a handful of people they could count on one hand to be friends with between them.

Then the next three, four years of their lives went by in a whirlwind.

Somewhere in between those busy years, they attended their first Immortal Alliance Conference together and fought as a pair, climbing their way to the top of the rankings as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

Liu Qingge slaughtered most of the beasts they ran into, but Shen Jiu's encyclopedic knowledge of everything they encountered was what allowed him to win his battles without a scratch.

Liu Qingge marvelled when once, Shen Jiu threw a explosive charm into the warren of Acid-Tailed Scorpion Hornets, which then exploded and sent the hive into a raging fury and caused them to blindly attack the nearest target in sight - the Venom-Clawed Night Bear they'd been stalking for two days straight.

They watched the carnage from safe up in their tree, and after the hornets killed the bear, Shen Jiu cast a flurry of frozen winds their way, killing them dead in their tracks; Liu Qingge eradicated any leftover hornets, and they earned a bounty of glowing beads for both kills.

Neither of them wanted to quibble over credit for their kills so they split their beads equally and let the remainder fall to whomever hadn't gotten it last. After a week in the wilds, however, the competition was finally called to an end - and much to his own disbelief, Shen Jiu won the Immortal Alliance Conference, with only one more bead than Liu Qingge in second place.

Even as he was being dragged to the podium with thousands of senior cultivators cheering for his success, Shen Jiu narrowed his eyes and said, "You didn't...?"

"Of course not," Liu Qingge said. "Since when have I ever taken it easy on you at anything?"

"Hmm. If you say so," Shen Jiu said, still on guard; nevertheless, he couldn't stop smiling during the whole celebration.

It was true; Liu Qingge hadn't topped off Shen Jiu's beads out of precaution or anything like that. It had just been luck that he'd gotten one extra bead and not Liu Qingge after they split their beads for the last time and the competition ended.

But luck was a part of battle nonetheless, and no one had come even close to matching their individual scores; every other team of allied cultivators had split or fallen apart after only a few days together. They and they alone fought and stayed together to the end, and were rewarded for it.

They truly made a perfect team.

*

"That better stay here when you move in after I'm gone," Shizun said. "Now why can't we take our treasures along when we ascend..."

Liu Qingge boggled when he saw what the man meant by "staying here"; Shizun was gazing with damp eyes at the enormous Black Moon Rhinoceros Python skeleton that took up an entire wall of his study and always had Liu Qingge wary of skewering himself if he wasn't careful.

You've gotta be shitting me, he thought.

"A'Jiu would hate it," was what he said instead.

"No, he won't!" Shizun bellowed. "Xiao Shen has good taste unlike you. He won't let me down."

Shen Jiu's decorative tastes around the home leaned towards flowers in vases, calligraphy scrolls, and carvings made from jade or other precious minerals he sourced himself; he definitely didn't have a penchant for the kind of "trophy" other Bai Zhan cultivators boasted about.

Liu Qingge snorted. "This is going to be my marital home in a month and you want that ugly thing staring at me when I'm working for the rest of my life?"

"Marital home, hmph," Shizun scoffed right back. "It's been how long since you two got together and I haven't gotten an invitation to the wedding yet! I was even going to stand in for Xiao Shen's parents, and now look..."

"Hey," Liu Qingge said, flushing. "It's not my fault. We've just been busy..."

"Excuses, excuses. If a man wants to do something, he'll get it done. Or perhaps Xiao Shen has flown onto a perch even you can't follow him to, and it's you who'll need a dowry to marry into his family? Hah!"

Liu Qingge scowled; that was a low blow and Shizun knew it.

And yet...

Neither of them had realised the consequences of Shen Jiu winning the Immortal Alliance Conference, the newfound attention on him from the wider jianghu. It was all good news of course - people were curious about his beloved, and Liu Qingge couldn't be prouder.

But with Shen Jiu's new fame came a flurry of invitations from many sects and senior immortals for him to visit and learn under them for a while, and Shen Jiu couldn't refuse all of them without giving offense.

Not only that, but he didn't want to. Zhao Hua, for example, had the largest collection of cultivation texts in the world, and Tian Yi's techniques on soul stabilisation were bar none.

Among the many invitations Shen Jiu sorted through and put into his tentative acceptance pile, Liu Qingge even spied the name of a minor sect that solely practiced the Way of Unity Between Man and Sword, and knew about the path more than anyone else.

It was for Yue-shixiong, he realised.

While Liu Qingge wasn't privy to the inner details of how Yue Qingyuan had drawn Xuan Su at such a young age, he knew vaguely that the connection between Yue-shixiong and his sword wasn't quite right, quite stable in the way most bonds were.

... and Yue-shixiong practiced the Unity Between Man and Sword.

All the sects and cultivators Shen Jiu wanted to accept training from would take him away from Cang Qiong for months, even years. Since they'd first moved in together when Liu Qingge had been fifteen, they hadn't been apart for more than a day at a time. Even when they'd gotten into the rare tiff that couldn't be resolved by dinnertime, they still slept over in the house together.

But knowing Shen Jiu was doing all this for Yue-shixiong (who was also going to be the Sect Leader one day and therefore his good health was paramount), how could Liu Qingge say anything against it, much even hold it against him for a second?

So he didn't say a thing in protest, even when Shen Jiu kissed him on the cheek and promised to write to him weekly, and send him anything he found interesting.

And that... had been two years ago.

Liu Qingge's crowning ceremony had passed a year ago, and he was now twenty-one and still bitterly unwed.

Shen Jiu had thankfully managed to escape his then-mentor, a crazy forest-dwelling immortal who had mastered the body-soul separation technique, in order to visit Liu Qingge at the Liu estate for the ceremony for a few precious shichen.

"I have to return before Master Yun wakes up," Shen Jiu told him then. "Otherwise I'm going to be digging up river snails for a month again."

Liu Qingge had gaped, seeing him again for the first time in a year. Though Bai Zhan was the roughest of Cang Qiong's twelve peaks, Shen Jiu had always risen above the muck somehow, with his hair always in its elegant ponytail and his posture and tranquil eyes like pools of jade.

He still looked stunning, but in the meantime he had spent time with three different sects and now a cave-dwelling immortal hermit, and his beloved's appearance had taken on a wild, fey edge. Spiritual energy pulsed around him, dense and rich and pure like never before.

He didn't even seem wholly human anymore, but then perhaps he'd spent some time in a secret realm as well, and drank from a goddess' spring waters; his many letters to Liu Qingge had certainly been wild enough.

Shen Jiu had only been able to stay for the ceremony and dinner before he had to head back. Even so, Li Qingge begged him to take a walk with him around the estate before leaving again.

Under the moonlight they wandered through the estate until at last they found themselves at the pond near the guest house where Shen Jiu had once stayed years ago.

Shen Jiu even chuckled when he recognised the old place. "Is that where I'll live when we get married?" he teased. "Such a pretty place your parents gave me, Qingge..."

"No, of course not." Liu Qingge shuddered at the idea of them living apart after marriage. "We'll live together."

"Yeah." Shen Jiu smiled at him. "In the same house, the same courtyard, the same bedroom for all our lives... I want that too.”

Liu Qingge had never ached more. "Do you have to go back?" he blurted in desperation. "Can't you just... whatever ailment Yue-shixiong has, my family can cure it, I promise. We have so many ancient treasures just lying around collecting dust, I know we could do something - "

"Qingge." Shen Jiu's smile took on a wistful tone. "You're so sweet."

So that was a no? Liu Qingge's heart threatened to dash into pieces.

"It's not me," Shen Jiu said wryly, leaning up to touch his cheek. "Believe me, if I thought your family... if anyone held the cure to Qi-ge's dilemma, I would get on my knees and beg them to help him right this moment, even if it damned everyone else for eternity.

"But they don't, and even if they did, it's not me you'd have to convince that such a solution was acceptable, but Qi-ge. He thinks it's just something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life, the idiot."

"But how do you know?" Liu Qingge croaked. "I'll talk to my father, I'll get him to open the vaults for you, I just - " His eyes stung. "I thought you were mine. So why does it never feel like it anymore?"

"Oh, Mingjin." Shen Jiu threw his arms around him. "Don't say that. I've never loved anyone like you before. You're my best friend, my beloved. And I am yours, thoroughly and irrevocably."

"But you can't stay," Liu Qingge whispered.

"I can't." Shen Jiu sniffled. "But one day I'll be at your side again and not even hell nor high water will be able to tear us apart ever again."

"Promise," Liu Qingge rasped.

"I promise," Shen Jiu said.

*

Shen Jiu had made that promise a year ago, and a year had come and go.

And now the Ning generation was ascending and the Qing generation would take over. And Shen Jiu's last letter a month ago had stated he would definitely be back for the handover ceremony...

Right? Liu Qingge was just freaking out for nothing, right? He definitely wasn't going to be left hanging at the ceremony with no one by his side, right?

Some of the newer disciples had asked him if Shen-shixiong had even left the sect, and what could he do but resist the urge to wallop them on the head for their audacity and tell them to run laps instead? Ugh...

Meanwhile, Shizun was going on and on about his precious rhinoceros python skeleton. Was this really what his life had become? While his beloved was training under different immortal masters and learning everything about soul techniques, Liu Qingge was forced to listen to an old man babble on about his former glory days like this?

No wonder his father had left Bai Zhan to take over the position of family head rather than endure THIS!

Kill me now. Liu Qingge’s life had become a joke after Shen Jiu left, the prodigy of Bai Zhan no longer, but the harried attendant to a washed up dowager -

"If you're so worried about where your trophies will end up after your ascension, then why not donate them?"

"And to whom am I supposed to give my babies to - " Shizun snapped, before realising Liu Qingge wasn't the one who'd spoken.

Liu Qingge turned too, before he could connect the dots, and then his gaze fell upon a slender figure in ragged travelling clothes, a patched-up weimao hanging off one shoulder, long black hair in a messy braid… and the most stunning pair of green eyes ever to exist gazing lovingly back at him.

It was him.

His A'Jiu, looking like a lifelong rogue cultivator as he walked into the room and greeted a slack-jawed Xu Ningchen.

"Shen Jiu greets Shizun," he murmured as he bowed deep. And then he cast a flirtatious gaze at Liu Qingge, and said in a soft voice:

"A'Jiu greets his beloved."

Liu Qingge was paralysed, breathless; then Shen Jiu tilted his head in his direction and he surged forth without thinking, wrapping the other man up into an impossible embrace and burying his face in the crook of his neck.

A'Jiu smelled like sweat, like sandalwood, like the salt he must have shed on his skin coming up Cang Qiong's ten thousand stairs...

"Never again," Liu Qingge gasped against him, Shen Jiu's hands at his back. "You're not allowed to leave me ever again, for anything."

"Of course not," Shen Jiu whispered. "I missed you too, silly. I thought about you every day and night we weren't together - "

"Not like me," Liu Qingge said. There was a saying: the one who loves more gets hurt more. It had never been more true than at this moment. "I thought I would die if I spent another night without you." He shook his head when Shen Jiu opened his mouth to protect. "I would have."

"Well, now you don't ever have to find out." Shen Jiu nuzzled his cheek. "I'm back from my trip and I'm never leaving again."

"Really? You - you found a solution?" Liu Qingge said in disbelief.

Shen Jiu smiled. "I found how I can piece together a solution, yes. Though it'll be Mu-shidi doing most of the work; he's the real doctor here. But I think we'll be able to heal Qi-ge's soul from now on." He laughed wetly. "And I came back for you as well, silly. I promised to be your second-in-command; how could I do that if I wasn't right by your side?"

"For the rest of our lives," Liu Qingge said vehemently. Shen Jiu let out a tiny sob and said:

"Yes! Qingge, I've missed you so much - "

Liu Qingge had too. He just - just wanted to press Shen Jiu against a hard surface and kiss him until he was breathless, make him lose his breath and stare at him with wet eyes and -

"Well that's great and all," a dour voice broke through into their inner world. "But Xiao Shen, what were you saying about donating my old trophies before?"

"Oh, right!" Shen Jiu leapt out of Liu Qingge's embrace, scarlet as he remembered they had company. "I was thinking - there are a lot of sects who don't have access to as many specimens as we do - Zhao Hua, for instance, only has books and they don't keep physical samples, and - "

Liu Qingge wouldn't be deterred; he stepped up behind him and laced arms around his waist, tucking his chin over his shoulder as Shen Jiu tried not to shiver as he talked to Shizun in a jittery voice.

Liu Qingge stared right at the old man as Shen Jiu spoke, meaning: you better listen to what he has to say. Otherwise the only thing that's happening to your precious Black Moon Rhinoceros Python skeleton when you ascend is me giving it to Qian Cao to turn into bonemeal for their gardens.

(They made a deal.)

*

"Shen-shixiong, you're back!"

The generational handover ceremony was the first time Shen Jiu would see all his peers again in two years and his nerves were completely shot.

He wasn't even one of the future Peak Lords so he didn't know why he was so nervous. And yet, when Mu Qingfang, wearing a gorgeous set of green and gold robes, smiled and waved him over, Shen Jiu nearly bolted out of the hall rather than go over and greet him.

But he couldn't. Not when it was his Qingge's day and his silly goose looked the most resplendent Shen Jiu had ever seen him. He'd spent nearly a shichen working half a dozen braids into his hair and pinning it up into a silver guan Liu Qingge's family had sent for the occasion, after all. Liu Qingge was radiant in his white and grey silk robes, Cheng Luan at his back in its newly engraved sheath.

Shen Jiu, as a cultivator of much more ordinary standing, kept to a pair of formal white robes and a modest guan, one that Liu-furen had sent him a while back as congratulations for winning the Immortal Alliance Conferece.

Nevertheless, he felt far too many people looking at him in the vast hall, even when all their attention should be on the Peak Lords of Cang Qiong past and present.

Shen Jiu had no real feelings on most of the Ning Peak Lords, save for Shizun, whom he had grown reluctantly fond of over the years, and the old witch from Qiong Ding, whom he would despise for the rest of his life; how was she ascending, seriously? Ugh.

His gaze turned briefly to the Qing Jing Peak Lord, an elegant small woman who held a tuanshan fan to her chest even now.

She... could have been his teacher, he thought. He could have belonged to her peak, and perhaps become her Head Disciple and join Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan and Mu Qingfang among the other successors.

Maybe in another life. But he was happy here and now, and her choice of successor, a bookish young woman, seemed like a good fit.

Indeed, it had been years since Shen Jiu had begrudged Shizun for choosing him that infamous night. Bai Zhan was no longer a hellhole designed to torture him specifically... but a place he could now call home.

And where he'd met Liu Qingge. The love of his life, his best friend... and soulmate.

Yes, Shen Jiu thought with misty eyes as he watched the Ning generation finally ascend in a glow of brilliant light alongside everyone else.

Just for his Mingjin alone, everything had been worth it.

*

"I have an announcement to make."

After the Ning generation ascended and the Qing generation became the new Peak Lords, the then-sombre ceremony had become a celebration, lest the new reign begin on a depressing note. And so, after a shichen of amazing food and amazing wine courtesy of Zui Xian, and some truly wonderful music courtesy of Tiao Yin, the grand hall was noisy and joyous.

Liu Qingge had drunk his fair share of osmanthus wine too, and could see no better time than now to say his piece. He was sitting among the other new Peak Lords with Shen Jiu curled up and warm at his side.

He cleared his throat. "A'Jiu and I are getting married next month. You're all invited."

"What!" Qi Qingqi spat out her wine at the news, splashing the azure robes of Shang Qinghua who was sitting next to her. "You do realise how soon that is, don't you!"

Shen Jiu pinked, tugging Liu Qingge's arm further around his shoulder. "I think we've waited long enough," he said with a small smile.

"It'll be held at my family home," Liu Qingge said with a shrug. "So come... or don't come. Whatever's up to you."

"Of course we're all coming," Yue Qingyuan said. "Happiness leads to happiness. And you two deserve a prosperous beginning to your new life. Cang Qiong will make a generous donation to your dowry, Jiu-shidi."

Shen Jiu smiled. "Thank you, Qi-ge."

Shang Qinghua abruptly sat up straight in his seat. "Zhangmen-shixiong, by donation, you mean what exactly..." he said nervously, realising that probably meant he was going to have to be involved.

"Nothing right now." Yue Qingyuan patted him on the back. "Don't worry about it, Shang-shidi. We have enough to spare, don't we?"

"Oh, definitely, shixiong. Haha..."

"Well, let merry make marry!" cried out the new Zui Xian Peak Lord, holding up a full cup of wine that was already spilling over. "Cheers to the newlyweds, may their marriage last a thousand years in wealth and prosperity and they be given everything their true hearts desire!"

At this Liu Qingge and Shen Jiu just exchanged glances without a word; they already had each other.

Even so, they cheered for the success of their new marriage alongside everyone else, and later rejoined in the festivities with the rest of Bai Zhan. They ate good food and drank good wine and listened to good music all night long.

And it was perfect.

Chapter Text

"I can't believe we're really going to live here from now on."

Shen Jiu stood in the parlour of the house that had belonged to the now-ascended Bai Zhan Peak Lord, Xu Ningchen.

Though he'd been a latecomer to the peak and initially baffled by Shizun choosing him when the man didn't interact with him for the first year of his life on Bai Zhan, nowadays he could admit he had even become fond of the eccentric warrior over the years.

After he'd improved and caught the rest of the peak's eye, Shizun had started taking him on missions and Shen Jiu had become familiar with coming to the man's house for briefings and reports, all while nursing a cup of jasmine tea and a lotus seed paste bun. The warrior had always been insistent on feeding Shen Jiu half to death during their sessions.

(Watching the man hector Liu Qingge like a harried mother-in-law had also been entertaining, in its own way.)

But now Shizun had ascended, and his house - the manor that belonged to every Bai Zhan Peak Lord upon succession - looked bare and lonely with only furniture and books left, and all of Shizun's surreal and rare belongings either donated to Bao Ku, the artifact peak, or other sects like Zhao Hua.

At his side, Liu Qingge gave him a soft nudge. "But now you can decorate the place however you like."

Shen Jiu snorted, remembering the ridiculous conversation he'd walked in on upon returning to the sect. "I'm delighted already."

He was, actually, but it would be a change from before. The Bai Zhan Peak Lord's house sat on a cliff outcropping overlooking the main plaza and practice fields, the stairs leading to it carved out of mountain rock hundreds of years ago.

It would no longer just be the two of them in their little cottage in the forest; now people would be coming and going to the house every day for briefings and reports and orders, and well...

It was going to be different, that was all.

But that was life in general, wasn't it?

*

Of course, the moment they stepped out of their new house and walked back down to the peak, they were confronted by a small crowd of eager teenagers.

"Shen-shixiong, Liu-shixiong, let us help you move, please!"

"Shixiong?" barked Liu Qingge. "I'm your Shizun now."

Shen Jiu snickered as a stupefied expression passed over most of the kids' faces. They were - like him - of the same martial generation as Liu Qingge, but they'd been so young when they came to Bai Zhan, they still had so much left to learn. Their shixiong of yesterday was now Shizun as of today. Tough luck.

"That's right," Shen Jiu said, taking Liu Qingge's arm and supporting him. "Yesterday, Liu Qingge was your da-shixiong. Now he's the Bai Zhan Peak Lord, and your shizun." He smiled. "Now I'm still Shen-shixiong - "

Liu Qingge shook his head. "Shen-shishu," he corrected. "And my second-in-command, so you brats better not act up the second I'm not around and think you can get away with murder."

Shen Jiu grinned at the tough-guy act; as if everyone on Bai Zhan wasn't already hooked onto Liu Qingge's every word.

"So," he suggested to the wide-eyed kids. "Why not try that again?"

The kids were tight-lipped for a moment, still trying to process the new world they'd found themselves in - then a boy said, "Shizun, Shen-shishu, may we help you move into your new home?"

Liu Qingge snorted, amused despite himself. And as for Shen Jiu, he said, "We'd be honoured."

*

On one hand, trying to manage eight fourteen-to-sixteen-year-old boys through a forest, all of whom were carrying chests full of possessions of various worth and fragility, was a gongshow. They all wanted to prove their strength and would have taken even the hinges off the house itself to transport if Shen Jiu hadn't stopped them.

On the other, when Shen Jiu walked in the rear to ensure no stragglers were left behind, he noticed the boy carrying the small wooden chest where he kept all his brushes and inkstones and said, "Jin Ran?"

"Yes, Shen-shixiong - I mean, Shen-shishu," the boy said eagerly.

"You're so big now," Shen Jiu marvelled. The last time he had seen Jin Ran it had been a little after the Immortal Alliance Conference two years ago, when he had taught his beginner reading class for the last time; then, Jin Ran had still been a pimply twelve-year-old. "How have you been doing? Are you faring better now?"

"Yes, Shen-shishu," the boy said. "Reading isn't hard for me anymore. I actually like to exchange my chores for more library duty now."

"That's good." Shen Jiu smiled. The current Bai Zhan Head Librarian was an aged immortal even older than the generation before Shizun; likely the man hadn’t ascended because he simply hadn't found a decent successor yet. "This shishu is proud of you."

Jin Ran pinked and walked a little faster after that.

"Cao Yu is doing better too," the boy said suddenly after a while. "He's not, um, trying to pick fights with Qing Jing disciples anymore. Well, most of the time..."

Shen Jiu chuckled. "That's also good. You know why I told you not to fight your sectmates needlessly back then, don't you?" Both Jin Ran and Cao Yu were certainly old enough to get it by now.

"Yes, shishu." Jin Ran nodded. "We shouldn't get into fights because as part of the same sect, we're all supposed to work and support each other. Bai Zhan is also the warrior's peak, and our job is to protect people, not make them angry. Even if Chu Xiu is still kind of mean to us sometimes."

Shen Jiu laughed. "You should challenge them to a battle of wits one day, then. A poetry contest or something like that; beat the haughty scholar at their own game." Inspiration struck him. "This shishu will host you and bring everyone food from Zui Xian."

(He'd wrangle that somehow, trust me.)

"Really?!" said Jin Ran, nearly dropping Shen Jiu's chest full of his precious ink brushes from how excited he was. "Okay! I have to tell Cao Yu then, we can both compete - "

"Not right now!" Shen Jiu said. "After, after!"

God, had he ever been so young and brash? He couldn't even imagine.

*

That first night they spent in their new home together, Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge just lay in bed with their hands laced under the covers, unable to sleep at all.

Just after midnight, Liu Qingge eventually asked, "How much do you want to do things by the book?"

"Hm?" Shen Jiu stirred against him, a little sleepy but just that. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, wedding-wise." Even in the dark he could tell his silly goose was blushing. "I didn't force your hand at the ceremony, did I? Did you want to wait longer or - "

"No," Shen Jiu said instantly. "Trust me, Qingge, I want to get married as quickly as you do."

"Oh." Liu Qingge squeezed his hand. "It's up to you how much you want to do. We can just head to the estate the day before and get married just in front of my parents, or..."

"Don't be silly." Shen Jiu pecked him on the cheek. "The Bai Zhan Peak Lord and the heir of the Liu clan is getting married, you deserve a grand celebration. I want a roast suckling pig at every table and for the entire jianghu to attend just to tell me how lucky I am to have you."

Abruptly Liu Qingge turned and pulled him into his arms, making Shen Jiu breathless with the intimacy he should have long since been used to by now.

"I'm the lucky one," Liu Qingge whispered into his ear. "And I always have been."

Shen Jiu's heart couldn't stop pounding. "Mingjin..."

"And I want our wedding to be the happiest day of our lives. So whatever you want, you get."

Unbelievable. "Okay, okay," Shen Jiu said. "I believe you. Silly."

"Not silly. Just honest."

"Mm hmm." So he always said.

*

They did forego most of the pre-wedding rituals because frankly, they were going to get married whether their birth charts aligned or not (and since Shen Jiu had made up his birth chart after he arrived at Cang Qiong lest the question ever come up, any prediction made on that basis would have been a crapshoot anyway), and considering both the distance that the Liu estate was from Cang Qiong and Shen Jiu's general lack of a family to conduct the rituals for him (and no, much as he loved Qi-ge, he really didn't want the man negotiating his potential bride price with the Liu parents), they both agreed it would be more convenient to just do what was available to them once they arrived at the Lius'. They certainly couldn't ferry Shen Jiu from Cang Qiong to the Liu estate via bridal sedan and firecracker; it would take five years to get there!

Liu Qingge sent a quick letter to his parents informing them all they had to take care of was the wedding itself (easy!), and he and Shen Jiu would travel to the estate at least two days' prior. No fuss, right?

Of course, a mere week after that, a messenger from the Liu clan arrived on Bai Zhan bearing betrothal gifts in - what else? - a red and gold qiankun pouch.

Within said qiankun pouch were jars of spiritual wine, cakes of Longjing tea, gold and jade jewellery, porcelain vases, ink brushes and talisman paper, and a red box containing twelve wrapped (and enormous) bridal cakes.

Save for the cakes, every other item had come in pairs. Obvious message there. As were the contents; the Liu parents simply didn't know Shen Jiu that well, to be giving him gifts like spiritual wine and ink brushes in lieu of more traditional things like poultry and sweetmeats. Shen Jiu also doubted he would wear gold much in the future, but jade, to match his eyes? Yes.

After the messenger left, Liu Qingge could only shrug and say, "I talk about you a lot."

"Yeah?" Shen Jiu wanted to laugh. There had probably been more lavish betrothal gifts in the world, but considering he could count on one hand people who had ever gifted him anything at all, he was still overwhelmed with the care involved. "Your parents have good taste, then."

"You mean I have good taste, for telling them what to give you.”

"Yes, you do." Shen Jiu leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "My handsome, clever husband-to-be. Now come on, let's give out the bridal cakes before they go stale."

"Sure." Liu Qingge flushed pleasingly pink. "Whatever you want."

*

There were twelve bridal cakes for the twelve new Peak Lords, though each cake was big enough to be split into four, even six generous pieces.

Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge spent the entire day visiting every peak and giving each cake to its recipient personally (and to invite them to the wedding more formally). They started, of course, with Qiong Ding, and honestly, the sight of Qi-ge bursting into tears as Shen Jiu handed him his delicately wrapped bridal cake was almost enough to make him cry himself.

(They'd never thought they would make it this far, huh?)

After that came the Qing Jing Peak Lord, then Wei Qingwei, and so on until they went to Qian Cao and Mu Qingfang looked positively smug at receiving his cake while weeding out in the gardens with his disciples gawking around him.

"Thank you very much, Shen-shixiong," he said wryly. "Do put it in my sleeve, will you."

Shen Jiu snorted. "Those kids behind you look like they're starving."

"What a coincidence; I don't care," Mu Qingfang said, and made Shen Jiu laugh out loud.

"Planning on going mad with power now that you're finally in charge now?"

"Yes, absolutely."

They only returned to Bai Zhan at night, but didn't head back home right away. Instead, they stepped into the Hall of Recollection, which held the ascension and memorial tablets of past Peak Lords. Shizun's tablet stood in the front and centre, alongside lit candles and incense and a plate upon which you could give offerings.

And they did. They both knelt before his tablet and gave him the final bridal cake.

"Old man," Liu Qingge said before Shen Jiu could begin, "I'm sure you're watching us from above right now and judging me for whatever dumb thing you think I just did. Well, tough luck; I'm in charge now, and you can't hector me anymore."

Oh, for god’s sake... Shen Jiu rolled his eyes and let him continue.

"But..." Liu Qingge said, in a quieter voice. "I really did wish you could have been at our wedding. You would have had a good time there."

"All we can offer you is this," Shen Jiu said, bowing his head low. "And hoping you can be with us in spirit. Shizun, even if we're still young and foolish and unwise, we pray you can continue to guide us from the heavens and take care of us."

"Mm." Liu Qingge cleared his throat. "Thank you for letting us meet each other."

And they bowed to their teacher one last time, and bid him farewell.

*

And then suddenly it was time.

They flew again to the Liu estate, though this time there wasn't only a small excitable girl but half the estate's servants and Lord and Lady Liu waiting for them to arrive.

(Mingyan was there too, of course; she was now ten, and would try for Xian Shu when the next disciple trials were open.)

Shen Jiu was no longer just the young master's friend and guest but a future son-in-law, and the way people practically jumped to cater to him had him feeling mixed, but mostly amused.

Barring unexpected circumstance he didn't see himself living at the estate for long periods of time, so might as well accept it for what it was. He was certainly no longer the wiry, black-hearted vagrant he'd been when he first entered Bai Zhan, was he.

No, in the eyes of his future-in-laws and everyone else in the jianghu, Shen Jiu was the most recent winner of the Immortal Alliance Conference, a gifted and brilliant young cultivator who was close friends with the legendary Xuan Su Sword and soon to be wed to the Bai Zhan Peak Lord and heir to the prestigious Liu clan.

He'd... really climbed up in the world, and how he'd done it he honestly couldn't even tell you.

It was just... luck, he supposed. Luck, and serendipity; two things Shen Jiu had sorely lacked in his life before this.

And now he was getting married to the love of his life.

Imagine that.

*

"Thank you for the gifts," Shen Jiu told Lord and Lady Liu over tea later. "They all suit me well, and I will treasure them."

Lord Liu beamed. "We're glad to hear that."

"This one would also like to offer a token of his appreciation." Shen Jiu swallowed. "Though I cannot offer anything that can match what Lord and Lady Liu must already be accustomed to, I hope I can make a small contribution to the library. When I was studying away from Cang Qiong, some of the sects permitted me to copy a selection of their books and take one for my own use provided I didn't try to replicate them again or sell them."

He took out the qiankun pouch in his sleeve, and gingerly pulled out six neatly bound books. "I hope Lord and Lady Liu will find these volumes useful; they are the most precious in my collection, and I've kept no copy for myself."

"He scribed them all himself," Liu Qingge said next to him before his parents could even react.

A servant took the books from Shen Jiu and went to Liu-furen, letting her peruse through them. Her elegant brows lifted as she picked up the first book and flipped through it in disbelief.

"You were allowed to make a copy of Li Yun's Charm Compendium...?" she said. "How was that even possible?"

Shen Jiu smiled. "This one had to work very hard for it."

"Undoubtedly," Liu-furen said, gazing at him in a new light now. "Husband, look. There's even a book on herbs found only in the demon realm - you can't imagine how impossible it is to get any kind of accurate information on something like that!"

"Very good," Lord Liu said with a smile, though he hadn't looked at the books himself. Clearly he was the type who lived by the mantra of happy wife, happy life and nothing else.

Which... fair enough. And as Liu Qingge's parents looked delighted at the gifts Shen Jiu had given them, he turned to his side and found his silly goose grinning just as hard as his father.

You're doing great, that grin said.

Shen Jiu smiled right back.

*

Shen Jiu was staying in the same guest house like before, but this time Liu Qingge's presence was strictly forbidden, much as the man grumbled and had to be dragged away by one of his uncles, and for good reason; the villa was now Shen Jiu's "maternal home" in the Liu estate, and where the wedding procession would begin tomorrow.

The interiors had even been redecorated; his bed now had red bedding, the furniture and hangings had been swapped out for richer, more luxurious versions, and on every flat surface were red candles and richly burning incense and plates full of dried fruits and nuts and cakes.

The whole endeavour was so lavish just for him to sleep a night or two in this place, Shen Jiu felt like an imperial concubine being brought into the back palace for the first time, ha!

This place wasn't going to be their marital home either; they both wanted to have a house built somewhere on the wilder parts of the estate later, so that when they stayed over they could just step out onto the veranda and see the spiritual beasts roaming nearby peacefully. Imagine having tea with such a view!

The actual marital room itself, holding their wedding bed and where they would drink their wine together (among other things, Shen Jiu thought with a flush) had been arranged in a spare courtyard in the manor where Liu Qingge's parents themselves lived.

Shen Jiu was glad when he heard that - for a moment he’d thought his marital room would have been in Liu Qingge's childhood bedroom itself! Which... thanks, but no thanks.

But before any of that, he had a pomelo bath to soak into first.

Shen Jiu had been flustered at first when, the evening before the wedding, Liu-furen entered his guest house, followed by half a dozen attendants; then he realised what she had come in for - the hair combing ceremony - and had to take a moment.

"Does this mean I'm the wife, then?" he asked later, when he'd managed to gather himself.

Liu-furen smiled. "Nuxu or xifu, the title is up to you. Qingge is doing this as well - with his father. I promise, I have the gentler hand with a comb."

"Oh." Shen Jiu swallowed. To think he couldn't see his silly goose until tomorrow...

"Shall we then?"

"Yes, of course," Shen Jiu said, and wondered about what it would be like, to have a mother like her.

He spent half a shichen in a bath of hot water and pomelo leaves, and by the time he had dried himself off and dressed in a new set of inner robes and slippers, everything else had been set up in the house. Shen Jiu was guided to a table weighed down with a bounty of offerings, dried fruits and nuts and smoked meat, as well as a pair of dragon and phoenix candles on either side of a mirror gazing back at him.

There was a comb on the table too, and a sewing kit, and scissors, and everything else to indicate good luck and happiness for a new couple.

"Sit," Liu-furen said, and beckoned him close.

Shen Jiu sat down, feeling vulnerable in only his inner robes and his hair down to his back. The dragon and phoenix candles and joss sticks were lit, the offerings given to the gods. Then Liu-furen picked up the comb and stood behind him, and began.

In a soft and sonorous voice she said, "May your marriage last a lifetime, may you be blessed with longevity..."

Oh.

This was really happening, wasn't it?

Ten times Liu-furen combed Shen Jiu's hair, and ten times she spoke aloud to bless his marriage.

Qingge's mother, his mother-in-law in just a few hours' time.

And someone who wanted him to have a long and happy marriage with his beloved.

By the time she finished combing Shen Jiu's hair, he had to take another moment to surreptitiously wipe his eyes dry again. If the tenth combing took unusually long by most people's standards, then well - no one around was there to judge.

*

Everything was perfect.

His handsome Qingge, smiling and gorgeous in his red and gold wedding robes as he jumped out of his sedan chair in front of Shen Jiu's guest house to escort him back to the main house where they would get married.

Qi-ge and Mu-shidi, dressed in full regalia and acting on Shen Jiu's behalf, refusing to allow Liu Qingge to pass until he proved trustworthy in their eyes.

Them delaying Liu Qingge and annoying him just enough he almost shoved past them (bad luck!) before they gave way at last and let him go up the stairs two at a time and to the open threshold of the house, where Shen Jiu stood waiting for him in deep red robes and hardly able to breathe.

(He'd decided not to wear a veil for the occasion. It might have been more traditional, yes. But he hadn't wanted to miss anything, and he knew Liu Qingge wouldn't mind. And being able to look at his beloved... well, there was nothing else in comparison.)

Liu Qingge gazed up at him, and Shen Jiu gazed down. Neither of them spoke; they just... looked at each other in their wedding robes, and were in awe.

Then Shen Jiu stepped across the threshold to make way to his husband, and tripped.

Liu Qingge made it up the last of the stairs and across six feet in a heartbeat, catching Shen Jiu in his arms. "Careful," he said, as if they were just sparring together and not getting married with a hundred people watching their every move even now.

Shen Jiu gaped, then turned bright red. "You be careful!" he said, mortified.

"Okay, okay, it's my fault," Liu Qingge said cheerfully, helping him to his feet. "I'm such a clod."

"Yeah," Shen Jiu huffed in embarrassment. It definitely wasn't the heavy hair accessories that had him lopsided, not at all...

He held onto Liu Qingge's arm as they walked back down the stairs and towards his bridal sedan, Qi-ge and Mu-shidi standing to the side now that their part was over.

Thank you, Shen Jiu mouthed at them, and they beamed back in turn.

Then Liu Qingge helped him into his bridal sedan, and everything else became a blur after that. The noisy procession, the laughter and firecrackers and music. Qingge's warm hand reaching through the slit in the partition, and Shen Jiu being helped down again.

Him gawking with wide eyes and an open mouth at how even more lavishly the main house had been decorated than his own, how many members of the Liu clan were here, and how many people Shen Jiu already recognised from his time away from Cang Qiong...

Had the Lius really invited the entire jianghu for their son's wedding? Yes, all of the Peak Lords had come, even if only Qi-ge and Mu-shidi were playing a real role in the wedding, but that was because one (okay, two) of their own was getting married.

But if Shen Jiu wasn't blind, there was even Abbot Wu Chen from Zhao Hua and Palace Master Chen from Huan Hua standing near each other... just to watch him jump over a bed of hot coals? Absurd!

But jump over coal he did - without singeing the ends of his robes either - and then he made his way back to Liu Qingge, who stood waiting for him with his parents and Mingyan next to him, and staring at Shen Jiu as if he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

And then it was time.

*

"Bow to the heavens."

They bowed.

"Bow to your parents."

They bowed, both to Liu Qingge's mother and father, and to Shizun's ascension tablet, may he forever watch over them from above.

"Bow to each other."

They bowed.

And then it was done.

*

"Qingge, my head hurts."

"What is it?" Liu Qingge said immediately, getting up from the bed to inspect the golden accessories on Shen Jiu's head. "Ack," he said, narrowing his eyes. "A'Niang really did too much..."

"Here." Shen Jiu gestured towards the biggest culprit, a gold filigree crown that had been digging into his scalp all morning. "Can you get it off for me?"

"Sure. Lower your head a little..."

Shen Jiu did so, trying not to laugh. "My strong man," he praised.

Liu Qingge's hands shook as he tried to work, face pinking. "Hush," he grumbled.

Shen Jiu sighed when he was finally free of the evil crown. "Thank you.”

"It's fine." Liu Qingge put the crown aside. "You, uh, want me to take off more?"

"No, it's fine. I feel better now."

"Okay." Liu Qingge was red. "You look good."

"You too," Shen Jiu whispered. God, why were they so awkward about this? One would think they'd just met today!

He cleared his throat. "We should drink the wine now."

"Okay, yeah." Liu Qingge got up in a hurry to pour the wine, the back of his neck a deep flush. "Here. Um." He tried to hand over a too-full cup to Shen Jiu and spilled half of the wine on his hand. "Shit.”

Shen Jiu snickered. "Qingge, come on now."

"I helped you with your hair, didn't I?" Liu Qingge said defensively. "Give me a break."

"Yeah, you did." Shen Jiu smiled and got up, took the jar of wine from him and topped off their cups. "Come on, handsome, let's drink to each other."

They looped arms around each other, holding a cup of wine to each other's mouths... and drank, nerves and all.

"Husband," Shen Jiu said. "Liu Qingge, you're my husband now. Try to get rid of me now and I'll make your reincarnation regret ever being born."

"... Shen Jiu," Liu Qingge said. "You're my husband now." He bit his lip. "If you tried to get rid of me I'd probably die of heartbreak, so yeah... don't do that."

"I could never." Shen Jiu's heart ached just thinking about that. "You have no idea how much you mean to me."

"Same here," Liu Qingge whispered. "So let's just be good to each other from now on, alright?"

That sounded good. "Alright," he sniffled. "I promise."

"I promise too," Liu Qingge said, and brought Shen Jiu's hands up to kiss his fingers.

*

"Should we go outside for a peek?"

Liu Qingge looked at him, scandalised by the very idea. "The wedding banquet, you mean?"

"Mm." Shen Jiu grinned. "I know we're supposed to stay inside here and um... do things."

He coughed to make a point. Let's be real; there was no way his silly goose wasn't a virgin, and as for Shen Jiu, there was no part of his former knowledge he wanted to bring into his new life with his husband.

It was better they both start on a clean slate, even if it meant Shen Jiu was almost as ignorant on matters of desire as Liu Qingge was now.

(And besides, they had time to learn. A lot of time.)

Liu Qingge turned pink at the implication too. "Yeah," he said hoarsely, as if he had already been thinking about it before. "I, um... don't know much about that."

"Me either," Shen Jiu said, squeezing his hand. "We can learn together."

"Uh huh," Liu Qingge swallowed. "Then... should we see what's going on outside?"

"Just a little peek. And then if the elders give us dirty looks, we can just come back here."

Just a little peek turned into a tug-of-war once both the hosts and guests discovered the wayward grooms had forsaken tradition yet again and tried to spy on the wedding banquet and maybe sneak a plate of food or two back to their bedroom.

Liu Qingge was quickly snatched away to be introduced to this-and-that cultivator from blah blah sect; he was the Bai Zhan Peak Lord now, and too important to be left alone on his wedding day when he could be socialising.

Shen Jiu had been hoping to be left alone so he could sneak to the section where the Peak Lords were seated and see what Qi-ge and Mu-shidi were up to, but if his time away from Cang Qiong had done one thing, it was make him a familiar name among many cultivators, and he found himself in the surreal position of greeting his former benefactors and thanking them for coming to his wedding blah blah and yes he definitely would visit again one day and stay longer this time and so on...

He found himself being introduced to new people too, to wandering cultivators and sects he hadn't heard of before. Shen Jiu thanked everyone for coming to the wedding, but he began to feel restless and wonder if he should have really come out. He hadn't seen Qingge in a while either...

He was presently wrapped up in a conversation with one Master Hu from the small Ba Qi Sect, and Shen Jiu was trying to think of an excuse to leave and drag Liu Qingge back to their marital room so they could just pass out for a bit when Master Hu said suddenly:

"Hold on, Shen-gongzi, please bear with me. I just took a new disciple a year past, and she begged to be able to attend the wedding with me the moment she heard you were getting married. There she is now. Over here, Haitang!"

Shen Jiu's entire body froze.

He had already turned halfway from Master Hu, one foot forward to leave and disappear into the laughing crowds so he could find his husband, and take him back to refuge and freedom.

And he should have. He should have walked away that moment and never looked back.

But then a sweet and girlish voice said, "Shifu, this disciple is here."

And Master Hu said obliviously, "Haitang, isn't this the young gentleman you've wanted to meet for so long? Shen-gongzi, meet my newest disciple Qiu Haitang - "

He turned, and saw her.

And then his world fell apart.

*

"Shen Jiu? Are you Shen Jiu?"

How long had it been now? Seven, eight years since he'd burned the Qiu Manor down, dragged her out of the fire and saved her from the agony of sharing her brother's fate?

"You, you, it's really you..."

They weren't ever supposed to run into each other again. What was Qiu Haitang doing in a sect, learning under a cultivator? Wasn't she a mortal noblewoman? What was she doing here...

"It's you. You're the one who won the Immortal Alliance Conference. I thought it had to be a coincidence then, how could it have been you..."

Qiu Haitang stared at him with large wet eyes and white disciple robes, so unlike the small lady in gossamer silks he used to serve.

Stared at his red wedding robes and the sole hair accessory he still had on left - a gold guan in the shape of a falcon, the sigil of the Liu clan.

"So that's why," she said in a soft voice. "No wonder. No wonder I searched for so many years but still never found you again. I see you'd already flown to the summit and found a new master... haha. How splendid!"

Her voice rang out sharp and high, and the crowd around them had quietened and begun to grow uneasy the more she spoke. Even Master Hu looked caught off-guard.

"Haitang," he said gently. "If you have something against Shen-gongzi, now isn't the time. We can address your concerns later, but he just got married to Peak Lord Liu - "

"Married?" Qiu Haitang said, lower lip twitching. "Shen Jiu, you dare, you..."

"Don't you dare." Shen Jiu's heart was frozen in his throat; he couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't just tell her to shut up and go away.

But look at what was at stake right now.

"Don't you say another fucking word, Haitang," he hissed.

Qiu Haitang's gaze widened in shock - Xiao Jiu had never spoken to her like that - and only a few feet behind her, a concerned Liu Qingge was making his way towards them, not realising what was going to happen next - and that it was too late.

It was all too late for anything now.

"If a single word I, Qiu Haitang, say from here on out is false, may my heart be pierced by ten thousand of the demons' poisonous arrows, and may I be undeserving of a peaceful death!"

Qiu Haitang's piercing cry shot across the banquet crowd like a flaming arrow; everyone fell silent at once, transfixed with bewilderment and horror as she pointed straight at Shen Jiu, fury in her eyes.

"This person is now an immortal cultivator, married to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect's Bai Zhan Peak Lord Liu Qingge himself! But as I can see, he has you all deceived! For no one knows what kind of thing he used to be!"

No one moved; no one spoke, for all the air had been sucked out from inside their lungs; they only stared at Qiu Haitang, heartbroken and fervent, and Shen Jiu, rigid and blank-faced in front of her.

And then Liu Qingge's hand gripped onto Qiu Haitang's shoulder from the back and he snarled, "What the hell did you just say about my husband?"

The pain must have been intolerable; she buckled to her knees and screamed.

"Have mercy, Peak Lord Liu!" Master Hu said, aghast.

Liu Qingge let go of Qiu Haitang in disgust and stepped past her, going to Shen Jiu immediately.

"A'Jiu, what just happened," he said, grabbing his hands. "What the hell was that woman trying to do to you..."

"Peak Lord Liu," Qiu Haitang gasped with tears in her eyes as she clutched her shoulder, her teacher at her side. "You have no idea what your husband truly is, do you?"

"I know him better than anyone else ever could," Liu Qingge spat, shooting her a nasty look.

"He's a beast in a man's clothes, a degenerate wearing a cultured mask," she continued. "Of course he wouldn't mention his shameful deeds to you - "

Liu Qingge stepped forth with a snarl, reaching for the sword that wasn't there in a crowd full of the jianghu's most important people - and he didn't seem to care.

No, no, no. This was not happening. Shen Jiu grabbed his sleeve and held him back, terrified by what he might do next. "Qingge, don't," he whispered.

Liu Qingge's face twisted with frustration. "And let this madwoman torment you with filth on our wedding day? Who the hell even is she?"

"This one begs for your forgiveness, Peak Lord Liu," Master Hu said, kneeling next to his student in supplication. "I had no idea she would do this today. Haitang, bow your head immediately!"

"My name is Qiu Haitang," Qiu Haitang said, ignoring her teacher as she stared up at the two of them in matching red robes. "The man you married today is a murderer and a slave, Peak Lord Liu. And before Shen Jiu was your husband, I was his wife."

All hell broke loose at that moment.

And Shen Jiu...

Shen Jiu just wanted to scream.

Chapter Text

"What in the world is going on here?"

A sharp voice rang out, and then the crowd parted for Lord and Lady Liu, their expressions severe as they stared at Qiu Haitang kneeling on the ground, Master Hu beside her, and just a few feet away, Liu Qingge standing protectively with Shen Jiu behind him.

"A'Niang, A'Die," Liu Qingge burst out when he saw his parents. "I don't know where this madwoman came from, but she needs to get the hell out of here. All she's done is insult A'Jiu and lie about him - "

"They're not lies!" Qiu Haitang cried out. "Lord and Lady Liu, please hear me out. You've all been misled into thinking your son-in-law is a good person, but he's not! He's a - "

"Murderer and a slave? We heard," Lord Liu said. His gaze shifted over to her teacher. "Master Hu, this is your disciple?"

The cultivator bowed his head low. "Forgive me, Lord Liu. Haitang has been with my sect for a year, and she's always been dutiful and hardworking. I never imagined she would do this today - "

"Shifu, you don't believe me?" Qiu Haitang turned to him with wet eyes, looking betrayed. "I told you what happened to my brother when I entered Ba Qi; I even gave the last of my savings to the sect. Do you think I'm a liar too?"

"I - " Master Hu looked conflicted. "Of course not. But Shen-gongzi is no ordinary person. You simply can't accuse him like this on his wedding day - "

"No," Qiu Haitang said bitterly. "He just murdered my beloved older brother and burned my family home down, but I'm the one who has to bow my head because he's flown to a higher perch than me? He was betrothed to me first, too - "

"Which is it?" Liu Qingge suddenly barked out. Qiu Haitang flinched at his tone while he continued: "Was Shen Jiu a slave or not? Was he your husband or betrothed or what? You're saying you were betrothed to a slave? Who the hell would let that happen?"

"My... my brother," Qiu Haitang said, stupefied by the question. "He... our parents bought Xiao Jiu when he was twelve..."

Shen Jiu sucked in his breath when he heard that. He'd never imagined anyone would ever use that nickname for him but Qi-ge again, but...

"You're saying you were engaged to a slave your family owned? And this is supposed to make sense to people?"

The crowd began to murmur, themselves disbelieving. No one here would believe something so nonsensical as a noble family engaging their only daughter to a slave. Shen Jiu shifted from foot to foot and tried to ignore the whispers; they weren't really talking about him. Nevertheless...

"Master Hu," Lord Liu said finally. "I believe it's time to take your disciple home. This foolishness has gone on long enough."

"I understand, Lord Liu," Master Hu said, but when he tried to take Qiu Haitang's elbow she shook him off and scrambled towards Lady Liu.

"Lady Liu," she begged, grabbing onto her robes. "Please, won't you hear me out? I know you're a righteous cultivator, that you've never turned anyone down who needs help. I've been living a nightmare since my brother died, struggling to survive on my own. No one would listen to me, no one would help me. I had to fend for myself and only when I entered the Ba Qi Sect did I find a semblance of peace. But if I cannot say my truth to everyone here and now, then this heart demon will consume me for the rest of my life and kill me. Please, please hear me out before it's too late..."

Lord Liu moved towards his wife to shake Qiu Haitang off, but she shook her head and put slender hands on her shoulders as if to reassure her.

"Miss Qiu," she said with compassion. "I'm sure you believe whole-heartedly in what you say. But you have my son-in-law mistaken for someone else. Shen Jiu is a courteous young man who has been a steadfast friend to my Qingge since he entered Bai Zhan. I don't know what he has to do with a slave your family once owned.

“My eternal condolences for your suffering the past few years. But it has nothing to do with him. Especially when you have no proof."

Qiu Haitang let go of her robes.

"I have no proof," she said blankly. "I have no proof of anything, do I? How could I, when Xiao Jiu burned everything down, even his slave papers - "

"Don't call me that."

Shen Jiu could bear it no longer, even if it meant stepping into the fray. "I don't care about what you have to say about me," he snapped. "But don't ever call me Xiao Jiu again. You don't have the right."

"Oh." Qiu Haitang gazed at him with glassy red eyes. "Shen Jiu, are you really going to pretend you never knew me? Like you didn't want to marry me more than anything? Are you going to pretend my brother and I didn't give you everything you wanted? We treated you like our own, and you repaid us by allying with that monster Wu Yanzi and slaughtering everyone in our estate like dogs! Did it feel good to abandon right from wrong and enjoy life as a criminal, Xiao Jiu?"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Shen Jiu shouted.

Qiu Haitang's lip quivered; then she burst out laughing. "If only they knew..."

"Master Hu, shut your brat up or I will," Liu Qingge snarled, vein bulging in his temple. "Does the Ba Qi Sect stand with this maniac?"

"Haitang is addled," Master Hu said, looking between Liu Qingge and his parents in desperation. "And means not what she says - "

"What she says is garbage," Liu Qingge spat out, the same time as Qiu Haitang cried out:

"I mean it!"

She got up unsteadily on two feet and clasped a hand to her heart.

"Everything I have said is true. If a single word is false then may the heavens strike down for my hubris, may my soul be obliterated and never reincarnate again! I will gladly suffer every punishment if I am wrong.

"But I am not, and I will gladly testify with honour. Please, noble cultivators. All I want is justice, and no more."

Everyone was silent, unmoved by her plea. Qiu Haitang breathed in raggedly after making her vow, continuing to look in Shen Jiu’s way even as Liu Qingge blocked her view of him.

"Shen Jiu..." she whispered. "Are you really going to pretend I never meant anything to you?"

Shen Jiu refused to say anything to her.

"Master Hu," Lord Liu said. The cultivator nodded shakily and tried to take his disciple's elbow again; she didn't even stop him this time.

It didn't matter that most of the crowd thought Qiu Haitang was only a crackpot. She had ruined their wedding and poured rain onto what should have been the happiest day of their life. And now, no matter what happened in the future, Shen Jiu would remember what happened today like an unsightly blemish -

"Is this how the noble Liu clan conducts justice when a soul in distress begs for their help?"

And speaking of.

The crowd parted once again, and this time Palace Master Chen stepped forth in emperor-yellow robes, a sombre Abbot Wu Chen by his side.

"Palace Master," Lord Liu said stiffly. "This is a private matter."

"Is it? Did you not hear the young lady?" Palace Master Chen said. "She swore that the heavens should strike her down if she spoke wrong, and yet she still stands." He smiled. "Not to mention, you may have chosen to forget the specifics of her accusation, but I haven't.

“How could any righteous cultivator hear that someone had allied with the criminal Wu Yanzi and not want to get to the bottom of it? Is there a single sect that hasn't had a run-in with that monstrous man? Or does justice no longer call to you?"

"You..." Lord Liu looked furious at the implication. "Wu Yanzi has been dead for nearly a decade. This woman cannot simply accuse my son-in-law of conspiring with him out of nowhere and force me to take it seriously. One might as well accuse you of committing evil without proof, Palace Master Chen."

"Of course." The old man chuckled. "But Miss Qiu only wants to be heard out and she's willing to suffer the consequences if she's proven wrong. But what about your son-in-law? Shen Jiu of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, will you speak in your defense? Will you swear to the heavens as well?"

He spoke directly to Shen Jiu, even as Liu Qingge growled, "Stay out of this, you old bastard!"

"Qingge!" Lady Liu scolded her son, though the way she was digging nails into her husband's arm proved her own fury. "Palace Master, our son-in-law has nothing to prove to Miss Qiu."

"Then let him speak in his defense. Or will he continue to hide behind his husband and let the Liu clan protect him for the rest of his life? What a beautiful start to Cang Qiong’s new generation that would be, for the new Bai Zhan Peak Lord to refuse an accused murderer to come to trial - "

"Come to trial? You've lost your damn mind!" Liu Qingge barked. "My husband doesn't have to listen to the likes of you - "

Shen Jiu squeezed him on the arm, and Liu Qingge cut himself off, looking at him in alarm. Shen Jiu smiled and shook his head, and stepped out in front.

"Palace Master Chen," he said. "What do you want from me?"

The old man could finally look at him without obstruction, and Shen Jiu stared back in turn, unintimidated by a cultivator hundreds of years his senior.

"Miss Qiu simply wants to be heard out," Palace Master Chen said. "You, of course, have the right to defend yourself as well. I propose a trial here and now. All the heads of the Four Great Sects are present today, so we may judge who is righteous and who is at fault."

"And?" Shen Jiu wanted to laugh. "Then tell me, if I am to be put on trial during my own wedding, what am I being accused of?"

Palace Master Chen looked at Qiu Haitang with a paternal air. "Well?"

"Mu - murder," she said. "Killing my older brother and butchering the servants. Burning my family home and destroying all we had left. Conspiring with a demonic cultivator and committing every evil under the sun. And - and lying and deceiving everyone, pretending to be a good person, pretending to be a righteous cultivator..."

Pretending to be a full human and not the mudborn slave you really are.

"Okay," Shen Jiu said to Palace Master Chen, deliberately not looking at Qiu Haitang as he spoke. "And what should happen to me if I'm somehow found guilty? Am I going to be put into the Water Prison, then?"

"Absolutely not," three voices rang out in unison; Liu Qingge, Lord Liu... and Yue Qingyuan, who had finally made it to Shen Jiu's side and looked at him in worry; Shen Jiu smiled back, grateful for his support.

"Ah, Junior Yue," Palace Master Chen said. "You're a Sect Leader now, with an impeccable reputation. Are you going to start your reign by sticking your neck out for your shidi and trying to ensure he doesn't face justice?"

Yue Qingyuan smiled, equally sanguine. "Jiu-shidi has nothing to hide," he said. "Nor does the Old Palace Master need to press so strongly on Miss Qiu's behalf. We all know how strongly you feel about doing things the right way."

There was an undercurrent of steel in his voice. Shen Jiu blinked in surprise; he hadn't realised Qi-ge had something against Palace Master Chen and vice versa. Maybe something had happened during the Siege of Bailu Mountain to make them clash.

"Please, if I may." Abbot Wu Chen finally stepped forth and bowed to everyone in greeting. "Miss Qiu has indeed spoken passionately, but Master Shen also deserves a chance to defend himself and be judged fairly. They are both talented young disciples, and this shadow will follow them if these accusations aren't taken seriously and dealt with."

"Abbot." Shen Jiu inclined his head respectfully; he had spent a few months with Zhao Hua, and felt fondness for its bookish monks. "What do you propose we do?"

Abbot Wu Chen cleared his throat. "Miss Qiu's accusations all revolve around a traumatic incident that happened a long time ago; she has no proof nor corroboration for what she says. One would hardly be able to judge fairly in such a situation and truly separate truth from falsehood, fact from fiction."

Shen Jiu pursed his lips. "But."

"Forgive this old monk for suggesting something that may be out of line," Abbot Wu continued. "But the Liu clan currently possesses the Scrying Bowl of Clarity, do they not? With its use, observers - us - might be able to look into both Miss Qiu and Master Shen's memories - and determine the truth of the accusations at last. With their consent, of course."

"Yes," Qiu Haitang said immediately. "I have nothing to hide."

"You want to look through my son-in-law's memories and scrape through his entire life, do you?" Lord Liu said coldly.

"Forgive me for the presumption." Abbot Wu Chen bowed his head. "It is indeed an invasive method, but one that would clear all suspicion. And once again, the Scrying Bowl wouldn't be used on Master Shen without his permission.”

No, it wouldn't. And Shen Jiu knew Abbot Wu Chen enough to know the old monk meant what he said sincerely; he wasn't preemptively invested in Shen Jiu's guilt or humiliation like Palace Master Chen.

But then... he'd most certainly be found guilty, wouldn't he?

Truly, had it been a matter of he-said-she-said, the majority of people here would dismiss Qiu Haitang out of hand and assure Shen Jiu they hadn't listened to a thing she said.

In their little world he was the person of higher standing, the winner of the last Immortal Alliance Conference, the husband of the Bai Zhan Peak Lord and a close friend of the legendary Xuan Su Sword himself.

Whereas Qiu Haitang was just a lowly disciple from a small sect. She had already embarrassed her master's good name today, and as it stood the Ba Qi Sect might just be ostracised out of caution from now on lest they get on Cang Qiong's bad side and eventually dissolve from lack of resources.

But if Qiu Haitang let her memories be observed, her idyllic recollections of being a young noblewoman with Xiao Jiu always treated well by her side, and Shen Jiu refused everyone the same intimate gaze into his own life, then...

Wasn't that basically admitting there was something to it after all? Even if she no longer had his slave papers, Xiao Jiu didn't look so dissimilar from the adult Shen Jiu that he could feign it entirely as coincidence, could he?

And when they asked about his own past, how much would he be able to lie and get away with?

Only Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge knew who he really was in the world and judged him no less for it, and even they didn't know the totality of him. If Qi-ge found out what he had had to endure in the Qiu Manor... if Liu Qingge found out what nightmares Shen Jiu had committed under Wu Yanzi... would either of them look at him the same way again?

"I... I don't know," Shen Jiu said blankly.

"A'Jiu, don't listen to them." Liu Qingge wrapped an arm around him tight and drew him in. "No one has the right to dig into your mind to prove this deranged woman wrong; it’s not worth entertaining her nonsense in the first place.."

"I'm willing to put my soul on the line for the truth," Qiu Haitang said. "I have been nothing but honest the whole way through. No one else has."

"Jiu-shidi..." At Shen Jiu's other side, Yue Qingyuan put a hand on his shoulder. "Tell me what you want to do," he said in a soft voice. "No one can force you."

"I..." Shen Jiu's mouth was full of water. "Give me time to think about it. Please."

He couldn't think about anything any more, after that.

*

"This is bullshit. Why the hell do we have to listen to that old bastard to begin with?"

Liu Qingge seethed as he paced around his parents' parlour, having changed into plain robes for the night.

The wedding had ended after the confrontation, no one much in a mood to continue feasting after the festivities had been ruined, and Shen Jiu's "trial" or whatever the hell they were calling it postponed for tomorrow.

Some of the guests were staying the night, including Palace Master Chen and Abbot Wu Chen... as well as Qiu Haitang and her teacher, who were being kept in a courtyard under guard far from the main house.

Yue Qingyuan was staying over too, though some of the Peak Lords had already returned to Cang Qiong.

And now Shen Jiu had to contemplate if this was the last day he was going to spend as a free man or if he was going to return to the mud from whence he had been dredged out of twenty years ago.

"I don't understand," Liu Qingge continued to vent largely to himself. "What the hell does Palace Master Chen have against you anyway? You've never even met him! Yet he was ready to declare you guilty right away - "

"It's not me," Shen Jiu said dully.

Liu Qingge stopped mid-step. Shen Jiu rubbed at his eyes, exhausted.

"He doesn't care about me," he said. "Nor Qiu Haitang. He just wants to embarrass Qi-ge and you by proxy, since everyone knows I'm close to both of you. No matter what happens tomorrow, if he can somehow stain your reputation by association, then that's a victory in his books. And if Cang Qiong's new generation is suddenly seen as suspect or untrustworthy, then people will rely on Huan Hua more instead, or something like that..."

"That fucker," Liu Qingge swore.

"Qingge," a soft voice said in scolding, and then Lord and Lady Liu entered, looking worn out. Shen Jiu got up to greet them but they just shook their heads and made way to their seats.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with this," Shen Jiu blurted out. His and Qingge's wedding had been ruined, yes, but this had been an important day for his in-laws as well.

"It's not your fault," Lady Liu said. "How could anyone have seen it coming? Heavens..." She sighed.

"Mm." Shen Jiu's throat felt swollen. "Liu-furen..." He didn't dare call her anything else at the moment. "What do you think I should do?"

Lady Liu exchanged glances with her husband. "Well," Lord Liu began carefully. "You don't have to tell us if you're uncomfortable. But... do you have any history with that young woman?"

There was no more point playing dumb. "Yes," Shen Jiu whispered.

Liu Qingge looked aghast. "Seriously?"

"Qingge, sit down," Lady Liu snapped at her son. In a softer voice: "Would you be able to tell us a little more, if you're alright with that?"

"I - " Shen Jiu swallowed. He wasn't, not really. The Lius had always been good to him, but they'd only ever known him as Liu Qingge's friend and eventual lover. If they knew the truth about him, wouldn't they cast him out in disgrace and horror? Would he ever be allowed in their home again?

"Hey." He jolted as an elbow brushed against his; Liu Qingge had taken his hand and squeezed it, his husband giving him a reassuring smile.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," he said. "I believe you."

Shen Jiu's heart skipped a beat. "Qingge..."

"And if that old fucker tries to lay his hands on you tomorrow, I'll break every bone in his body," Liu Qingge said. "I don't give a shit what'll happen, no one has the right to even think they can punish you. Not when I'm around."

Oh. That was right. His husband loved him.

"I..." Shen Jiu swallowed again, then wiped his eyes with a sleeve. "No, it's alright. I can talk about it."

And he did.

He had told Liu Qingge vaguely about his past before, but never with such detail... but now there was truly nothing left to hide behind now that Qiu Haitang had torn open the door on the last great shame of his life.

It was now or never.

So Shen Jiu started from the beginning, from his life as a child slave in a trafficking ring to how he had been sold to the Qius... his bitter life under Qiu Jianluo and what the man did to him, unable to look anyone else in the eye as he did so.

He talked about how he used to hide away in Haitang's room to get away from the beatings, and how they became engaged after she grew attached to him.

And there was no point denying it: he spoke about the day he ran into Wu Yanzi and how it had given him hope for the future... and what happened to the Qiu Estate and Qiu Jianluo after.

The Lius were righteous cultivators; had they ever encountered Wu Yanzi they wouldn't have stopped until they brought him to justice. Instead, their own son-in-law had served under him for a single terrifying year, and killed him in desperation when he had no other choice.

Shen Jiu told them everything and left out only his connection with Yue Qingyuan; he didn't want Qi-ge to be dragged down in the mud with him. But his husband and his parents had supported him this far, and they deserved the truth... even if they might spit at him in the face for it after.

There was quiet for a long time after Shen Jiu finished speaking; both Lord and Lady Liu didn’t speak, and Liu Qingge's hand was still in Shen Jiu's. What if his husband... if he didn't... if he couldn't...

"So that's what happened," Shen Jiu forced himself to say, just to fill the void. "I'm sure Haitang thought everything was wonderful until I went crazy one day and ruined her life out of nowhere. But it's not..." He swallowed. "I didn't do it until I truly had no other choice..."

"A'Jiu."

Liu Qingge was hoarse when he spoke. Shen Jiu hadn't looked at him - hadn't dared look at anyone - when he spoke about his past, staring at his feet instead. Now he finally lifted his head towards his husband, and was flabbergasted when he saw tears in his eyes.

"Qingge...?" he croaked. "Why are you crying...?"

"Fuck her," Liu Qingge said. "Fuck everyone, they don't deserve you. You don't have to go out there tomorrow and give them anything."

Shen Jiu gaped. "But I was a murderer," he said. "I killed people and did everything Wu Yanzi told me to." Some of the disciples he'd killed at the Immortal Alliance Conference back then had been little older than children. "You're not... disgusted with me for that?"

"A'Jiu," Lady Liu said soberly. "You were fifteen when Wu Yanzi deceived you into working for him. Before then, you'd lived a life of suffering unimaginable to Miss Qiu, nor most other people. No one can say you did what you did because you just wanted to hurt people."

"Can't they?" Shen Jiu felt like they were speaking another language. "Wouldn't the righteous thing have been to run away from Wu Yanzi or try to stop him? I did what he told me because I was afraid he would kill me instead. I didn't try to save anyone else either. I just..."

"You were a child then," Lord Liu said. "A'Jiu, you're not to blame for what your master made you do under duress."

Wasn't he? Fifteen was old enough to work and get married and have children and die; if Shen Jiu was truly good of heart, then shouldn't he have done everything in his power to stop Wu Yanzi once he found out what he truly was?

Even if it meant... even if he'd never run into Qi-ge again, even if he couldn't give him the burial he deserved...

"I," Shen Jiu swallowed. "I guess..."

Abruptly Liu Qingge got up from his seat only to drag Shen Jiu into an awkward hug right in front of his parents. "Like I said," he said gruffly against his shoulder. "I don't give a shit about that woman's problems and what the hell she wants from you. You're my husband and best friend and that'll never change. And if the old bastard from Huan Hua tries to pull anything on you tomorrow then I'll beat the shit out of him right then and there."

Shen Jiu burst out laughing in shock. "How could you attack a Sect Leader on my behalf!"

"Easily," Liu Qingge said. "If it's you against the world, then A'Jiu, I'll always choose you. That's the vow I made when we got married."

Oh.

Shen Jiu's heart swelled until it was the size of an ocean. He never thought... never dared imagine anyone would still want to be around him when they knew the truth about him...

"A'Jiu," Lady Liu said gently. "You're our son-in-law now, and Qingge's husband. But moreover, you've always been a thoughtful and considerate young man. Our son isn't the only one who talks about you." She smiled. "We trust you. And rest assured, no matter what happens tomorrow, you and Qingge are going back to Cang Qiong safe and sound."

"Okay," Shen Jiu croaked with bleary eyes. "Thank you."

"It'll be a long day tomorrow," Lord Liu said. "You two get some rest."

They didn't need to be told twice.

*

Shen Jiu fell into a fitful sleep only in the early morning, even with Liu Qingge's arm draped protectively over his waist, and when they woke again it was just past dawn.

"Are they seriously forcing it this early?" his husband groused as he got dressed in the grey silk robes they'd been given.

"I don't know." Shen Jiu's nerves were frayed to pieces.

"Hey. Remember what I said." Liu Qingge flashed him a smile. "You're not going anywhere but home with me, okay?"

"Mm." He tried to smile back.

A servant arrived to escort them from their courtyard, but it wasn't to the welcoming hall where Shen Jiu's so-called "trial" would be held; instead, it was to Lord and Lady Liu's courtyard again.

Shen Jiu didn't realise what was happening until he saw the table in front of the Liu parents, loaded down with a teapot and cups and tea, while an attendant tried to (gently) usher Liu Qingge to stand to the side and was glared at immediately.

Oh. He was going to make tea for his in-laws.

He hadn't realised they still wanted to do this, not after yesterday's debacle. But they were waiting for him in their seats, and Shen Jiu hurried to the front and bowed, before kneeling and trying to make the best tea he could with jittery hands and a palpitating heart.

He had probably never made worse tea in his life, not with his in-laws politely gazing at his work and saying nothing, even when he spilled hot water on half the table. When Shen Jiu finally managed to pour tea into one of the cups, he started with his father-in-law.

"Lord Liu - I mean, fuqin," he stammered. "Please accept this cup of tea."

Lord Liu accepted the cup with a quirk of his lips and took a sip. "Very good," he said, like he was holding back a laugh. "A'Jiu, you are more than welcome to call me A'Die if you prefer."

Then it was his mother-in-law's turn. Shen Jiu managed to pour a decent cup this time and offered it to her. "Muqin, please accept this cup of tea.”

"Thank you. The same goes for me as well." She smiled and drank the whole thing, then put her cup down.

An attendant stepped forth holding a small red box. Lady Liu inclined her head, and the girl knelt and offered the box to Shen Jiu.

"This is a token of our consideration for you," Lady Liu said. "Although it surely can't be enough for what you've done for Qingge over the years, we hope it can be a source of comfort for you from now on. You are one of our own now, A'Jiu."

Shen Jiu lifted the top of the box, and resting on a red silk cushion were a pair of thin, yet elaborately engraved dragon and phoenix bangles.

The moment he put them on, everyone would know not only that he was married, but that his in-laws had accepted him and given him the full protection of their clan. No one could say they didn't want anything to do with him now...

Shen Jiu blinked away tears. "Thank you." He'd never thought he’d ever receive a gift so precious, so loaded with feeling. "I'll cherish these for the rest of my life."

"Mm. Qingge, help put them on for him," Lady Liu ordered, and Liu Qingge rushed to Shen Jiu's side to do his mother's bidding.

Shen Jiu held out his hands after so everyone could see what the bangles looked like on him. "What do you think, Qingge?"

"They're good." Liu Qingge's smile looked a little more tired than usual, but considering the circumstances that was no surprise. "But you'd look gorgeous wearing a rice sack. No jewellery can change that."

"Good to hear," Lord Liu said. "Considering your mother commissioned those bangles the first time A'Jiu came to visit us." He raised a brow as if to say: thanks a lot, son.

Shen Jiu giggled wetly. "They're beautiful." He didn't think he would ever take them off.

"So they are." Lady Liu smiled. "Now let's have breakfast."

Shen Jiu would need the strength for what came after. "Yes," he said, and got back up on his feet with his husband’s help.

And then soon, it was time.

*

Out of respect for the Liu clan and Cang Qiong Mountain Sect for whom Shen Jiu belonged to, the heads of the Four Great Sects had agreed to participate in his purported "trial" as both objective mediators and the ultimate decider of his (or Qiu Haitang's) fate.

There was nothing objective about Palace Master Chen's motives, him having practically engineered the whole thing... but nor could one really pretend that Yue Qingyuan wasn’t invested in the outcome either, not when he lit up when Shen Jiu entered the welcoming hall with Liu Qingge and Lord and Lady Liu behind him.

Apart from them there was Abbot Wu Chen, and Abbess Yi of Tian Yi Overlook... and Qiu Haitang and her teacher, Master Hu of Ba Qi Sect, all of them sitting facing each other... and just beyond them, a pedestal holding a glowing white scrying bowl.

Qiu Haitang looked exhausted, and Shen Jiu refused to look in her direction, even when he heard her gasp when she saw him - her, still in plain disciple's robes while he was dressed in beautiful grey silk robes and dragon and phoenix bangles on his wrists.

Once upon a time, it had been the opposite. Qiu Haitang had been a young girl who loved to run around in pink and lavender silks and Xiao Jiu had been lucky to have a pair of sandals all to himself.

Maybe she thought it was unfair; the slave had risen above the master and left her far behind when it should have always been the other way around.

Maybe so. But a lot of things in life were unfair. And Shen Jiu...

Shen Jiu no longer had anything to fear.

*

Qiu Haitang spoke.

She spoke about how Xiao Jiu had entered her household after her brother had taken pity on him one day, how he had been treated like one of their own and even taught to read, how Qiu Jianluo agreed to let them get married after Qiu Haitang fell in love with him.

She spoke about her dreams for her future once she got married... and how it all got dashed to pieces the night the Qiu Manor was set on fire, and she ran into Shen Jiu, holding a bloodied sword and his clothes soaked in gore.

The manic look in his eyes as he approached her, when she thought he might kill her too...

She spoke about waking up in the street the morning after without a clue as to how she got there, the estate in ashes by the time she was allowed to return. How she lost everything twice over - first her brother and her home - then her fortune, as unscrupulous relatives and officials took what was left of her assets, until she found herself at last wandering the Mortal Realm with what she had left to her name, chasing a phantom and desperate for answers until she met Master Hu one day and was accepted into Ba Qi.

"I spent years trying to find him," she said, drained and exhausted at the end. "Trying to understand why he would ruin us when we were always so good to him. Why?" She choked out a sob. "What did we do wrong...?"

Liu Qingge ground his teeth next to Shen Jiu, who just squeezed his hand to keep him still. He had kept his own face immobile during Qiu Haitang's whole speech; he'd known what she would say, and there was no point reacting to it.

It was her truth. It was the life she had lived and all she had ever known. Nothing he could say for himself would persuade her otherwise.

For her, Qiu Jianluo had simply been a darling older brother. Qiu Jianluo had never hurt her, but Shen Jiu had, and for him to try and convince her that her beloved A'Luo had been a sick pervert, it would never work out.

For some things, some people... you simply had to see it yourself to believe it. Nothing else would work.

"Master Shen," Abbot Wu Chen said. "You may speak now."

Shen Jiu smiled. "Thank you, Abbot. But to be honest, I'd rather cut to the chase and just show everyone my memories instead."

At that, Yue Qingyuan’s head snapped towards him in alarm. "Xiao Jiu?" he mouthed, unsure, and Shen Jiu just shrugged.

Honestly speaking, he didn't know what the hell would happen to him after, but he simply didn't want to hide anymore. Nor was Qiu Haitang the naive young girl she'd been a decade ago. Shen Jiu no longer wanted to hide the truth from her, nor spend the rest of his life terrified by the shadow of his past.

"Yes," he said. "Rather than bore everyone with counter-testimony when the one person who needs to believe it never will, I'd rather just use the Scrying Bowl and get it over with."

Qiu Haitang’s lip quivered in disbelief. "Do you think the Scrying Bowl will prove you innocent, Shen Jiu? What do you think could possibly justify murdering my older brother?"

"I don't know," he said. "We'll just have to find out."

*

Qiu Haitang volunteered to have her memories sifted through first, and they all went to the Scrying Bowl. Each of the Sect Leaders and Master Hu examined the artifact to make sure it hadn't been tampered with, and Lord Liu instructed them on how to use it properly and safely.

Apart from the Sect Leaders and Master Hu, Shen Jiu would also get to look into Qiu Haitang's memories, which left him with mixed feelings, even as he knew he would manage.

As Lord and Lady Liu weren't strictly a part of the trial they would remain on the outside to observe and manage, but Liu Qingge...

"Qingge." Shen Jiu stopped his husband when he got up. "Would you just stay out here and look out for me? I don't..."

He didn't care about Liu Qingge seeing him through Qiu Haitang's memories, but his own...

"I just... don't want you to see me like that. I'm sorry."

"A'Jiu. It's fine." Liu Qingge hugged him. "You know I'd never see you differently either way."

"I know you wouldn't." Shen Jiu pecked him on the cheek. How lucky he was to have found someone like him.

Liu Qingge went to stand by his parents, and Shen Jiu walked towards the Scrying Bowl of Clarity in between Yue Qingyuan and Abbess Yi and placed his hand on an empty spot to begin channelling his qi into it.

Qiu Haitang already had her eyes closed with both hands on the Bowl, looking pale and murmuring something under her breath; as she was technically the "host" for the Scrying Bowl for the time being, it would take the most qi out of her. The Bowl would depend on her cultivation and stability as much as anything else, and Shen Jiu didn't know if she was ready for it.

But he had come this far now, and there was no looking back. He let his qi connect with the spiritual flow inside the Scrying Bowl and closed his eyes -

And then he was there.

*

He couldn't remember ever having been so small before.

Xiao Jiu, in the young Qiu Haitang's eyes, was the world's cutest thing, with large green eyes in a tiny pale face and shoulder-length black hair tied back with a frayed green ribbon.

He followed his little mistress around like a duckling and never refused her anything, especially when she offered him sweets from a street stall or to play dress-up with her in her bedroom while her momo was out.

Looking at the two of them playing games and eating candy together in the dreamy, romantic mindscape of her memories, it was no wonder Qiu Haitang had felt like her world had been sundered apart after. Xiao Jiu wasn't a slave to her; he was her best friend, her beloved, her betrothed. He was...

Oh look. Qiu Jianluo.

Shen Jiu tried to zone into his own mind when Qiu Jianluo would appear in his sister's memories, a larger-than-life figure who existed only to adore his lovely meimei and ruffle Xiao Jiu's hair playfully when he was around.

In Qiu Haitang's memories, Xiao Jiu was never perfectly still when Qiu Jianluo touched him. No, he smiled shyly and leaned into his touch like a puppy, or a boy with a crush.

Shen Jiu would kill him all over again if he could just for making him think of the comparison. When the Qiu Manor burned again and Qiu Haitang ran into a blood-soaked Shen Jiu, he felt only relief.

That's right, he thought dimly. I killed him that night and now he'll never touch me again.

Nothing else mattered, next to that.

*

It took a quarter-shichen for Qiu Haitang to stand up on her own after her session, Abess Yi and Master Hu channelling qi into her drained meridians to boost her recovery.

Meanwhile, Shen Jiu stood a comfortable distance away with Yue Qingyuan next to him and Liu Qingge rubbing his shoulders and asking if he was okay.

Shen Jiu chuckled. "I'm fine, Qingge. It's what's going to happen next that should concern you."

"Xiao - Jiu-shidi," Yue Qingyuan said in a low voice. "You don't have to do this."

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "It's a little too late now, Qi-ge. I said I would, and..." He bit his lip. "I guess we'll just have to make something up if people see you in my memories, then."

"I'm not afraid of them finding out," Yue Qingyuan said. "If people will have something against me after this as well, then fine. Let them." He raised a brow. "Let them also remember who let them all walk out alive after the Siege of Bailu."

Not bad! Shen Jiu whistled. "Worst come to worst," he said cheerfully, "we can hide out here for refuge. Right, Qingge?"

"Right," Liu Qingge said dryly. "What could go wrong?"

Abbot Wu Chen approached their little group. "Sect Leader Yue, Master Shen, we should return."

"Yes," Yue Qingyuan said, returning to polite neutrality in the presence of an outsider.

Shen Jiu smiled as they escorted the monk back to the Scrying Bowl. "You must have been aghast at what you saw me do back there, Abbot."

Abbot Wu Chen kept his face admirably calm. "This old monk has yet to see Master Shen's memories, and would prefer not to comment until then."

Meaning he was perfectly willing to be cordial with a murderer until then? Truly a Buddhist to the end, Shen Jiu marvelled. "Yes, Abbot.”

Qiu Haitang was pale but holding her own now. She looked resolutely at Shen Jiu, as if daring him to say something, but he wouldn't take the bait.

He could feel his husband's protective gaze from him even from afar and took one last good look at him. Liu Qingge looked worried, but Shen Jiu just gave him a little wink.

To think he could be this cavalier while four of the most powerful people in his world were going to dig through the worst parts of his life and see him for what - no, who he truly was, well...

Well. No time like the present, after all.

Shen Jiu placed both hands on the Scrying Bowl and channelled qi into it, forming a connection... and closed his eyes.

And then he was there.

*

"No! It's not possible! Not possible..."

In the end, what ended Shen Jiu's own session early had nothing to do with him - though he felt like shit regardless - but a scream from Qiu Haitang, who broke the connection by shoving the Scrying Bowl away from her and nearly destroying the old artifact, had Shen Jiu not grabbed it mid-fall in time and placed it gingerly back on the pedestal.

"Haitang!" he said, shocked. “What the hell are you doing!”

"It's fake! It's all fake!" Tears streamed down her eyes as she gripped her own hair in a fit of heartbreak. “It wasn't my brother. My brother didn't do anything wrong - it couldn't have been him! You're lying!"

"You saw what happened," Shen Jiu said in a flat tone. "Or did you think I deluded myself into making it all up?"

"I - I didn't know." Qiu Haitang trembled as she backed into a wall. "I didn't know it was like that! I didn't do anything at all. So why did I have to suffer for so many years!"

"Haitang, stay calm! You're going to have a qi deviation if you keep going." Master Hu rushed towards his disciple and wrapped her up in a bear hug, Qiu Haitang resisting him with angry tears in her eyes.

"What exactly did you think of me?" she yelled at Shen Jiu, even as she wept so much she could hardly keep her eyes open anymore. "Did you hate me? Pity me? Want me to suffer a fate worse than death? Why didn't you kill me? Why didn't you kill me?! Answer me!!"

Shen Jiu gazed at her. "You were just a girl then," he said. "And kind to me. There was nothing you could have done then, even if you'd believed me."

"Believe me, he says," Qiu Haitang mouthed brokenly. "Just a girl, just a girl. Now what... Shifu, what do I do..."

"Shh." Master Hu cradled her, pressed a finger to her neck so he could channel qi into her. "It's alright, Haitang, it'll be alright. You just need some rest right now..."

"A'Jiu!"

Liu Qingge ran to Shen Jiu and nearly crushed him in an embrace too. Shen Jiu clung to him with a shiver, glad to have his husband near him again. "Qingge..." he mumbled. "I'm so tired right now."

"I've got you," Liu Qingge murmured into his ear.

Abbess Yi went over to Master Hu, Qiu Haitang having passed out in his arms. Shen Jiu forced himself to ignore them and looked at Yue Qingyuan, who had seen everything Qiu Haitang had. "Qi-ge," he said. "Come here."

"Xiao Jiu." Yue Qingyuan stumbled over to him, taking Shen Jiu's offered hand with both of his own. "I'm so sorry... I should have been there for you - "

"It wasn't your fault," Shen Jiu said.

Yue Qingyuan stared at him, looking lost and devastated and so, so young.

"I know what you're thinking and you can forget it. None of what happened to me was your fault. You were just a boy too."

"I - I suppose," Yue Qingyuan said. "Even so - "

"No," Shen Jiu said. "And that's final."

Lord and Lady Liu came over then, and after Shen Jiu assured them he was fine (he had a limpet for a husband attached to him, after all), Lord Liu turned to everyone and said, "Now can we conclude this paltry excuse for a trial? You all saw what my son-in-law had to endure in that hellhole. Who among you would dare try and "hold him to account" for what he had to do to survive? Would any of us have done better?"

Abbess Yi finally spoke. "Young Master Shen committed his sins under duress and the most cruel of circumstances. This old lady does not believe he deserves punishment or censure at this stage, especially considering we have heard nothing of him behaving like so at Cang Qiong; instead, we have heard only praise and commendation."

Shen Jiu smiled wanly. "Thank you, Abbess."

"This monk agrees," Abbot Wu Chen said. "Master Shen has indeed erred, but he deserves understanding and guidance, not punishment. I will pray for his soul when I can."

Liu Qingge grumbled, but considering Abbot Wu Chen was a Buddhist monk, that was as good as gold. "Thank you, Abbot," Shen Jiu said.

"Haitang cannot speak for herself right now," said Master Hu, holding his unconscious disciple as if she was made of gossamer. "But I believe she would no longer be interested in pursuing this further, if she was. I... also beg the immortal masters to take pity upon her and not be unduly harsh; she did not do what she did out of malice."

"I know," Shen Jiu said. "She thought she was doing the right thing."

Master Hu bowed his head in thanks. "Shen-gongzi is eternally gracious."

Yue Qingyuan didn't have to speak; he was already at Shen Jiu's side, on his side. Only, when Shen Jiu let out a slow breath at last, one last voice spoke:

"Surely my fellow observers didn't forget that Junior Shen here was also accused of working under Wu Yanzi and murdering innocent people for him? Or are we to believe that was all done under a haze of qi deviation as well?"

Palace Master Chen hadn't spoken at all during this time, but now he gazed at Shen Jiu with emotionless black eyes.

"You spent a year with him, did you not?" he said. "And you didn't try to escape him once. Junior Shen, some things can be excused under duress. Not everything." He added, “I've lost more than one good disciple to Wu Yanzi back in the day. So has Tian Yi and Zhao Hua and Cang Qiong as well. Junior Shen may have been young then, but he certainly wasn't incapable, or else that loathsome man wouldn't have kept you by his side for so long. Nor taught you everything he knew." He smiled.

"Wu Yanzi taught me nothing," Shen Jiu snapped. "He only destroyed my meridians."

"But you killed people for him," Palace Master Chen said. "Did you not? Orthodox cultivators and disciples, people who had never wronged you, yet you struck the killing blow nonetheless. Even then you were quite a strong person, weren't you? One wonders why you never tried to turn the tables on your teacher instead."

"Enough," Lord Liu said sharply. "Palace Master, no one else agrees with your assessment, so drop it. If you saw through all of our son-in-law's memories, then you know Wu Yanzi forced him to obey him under pain of death."

"Yes, I remember," Palace Master Chen said. "Right after Junior Shen slaughtered an estate full of men and chose to follow a wandering kook than turn himself into the authorities and accept justice. How could one forget."

What the fuck was his problem? Shen Jiu wanted to throw something at him, and judging from everyone's expressions half of them felt the same way.

"But I suppose I am only one person, and everyone else's voices outweigh mine," he demurred. "This old man is so insensible compared to his juniors, after all. He worries too much about whether they've been raised right and what they truly believe, whether they know right from wrong and good from evil... and whether they can be trusted to put their own bias aside and do the right thing for the sake of the jianghu."

His gaze flickered towards Yue Qingyuan. "Junior Yue, your time as Sect Leader of Cang Qiong has begun and you've chosen to side with your shidi and ensure he faces no censure when he is a murderer of innocents and a former slave of seedy means. Whether he still has evil in his heart none of us can know... but rest assured, the next time something happens in his presence, judgement will fall entirely towards the leniency you’ve shown him."

Yue Qingyuan smiled too, a shallow thing that didn't reach his eyes. "Senior Chen worries too much about what other people are up to," he said, placing a hand on Xuan Su's hilt.

"Tch." Palace Master Chen's face soured. "This master will depart shortly then. Forgive me for not bidding everyone farewell properly; I am always frightfully busy, after all."

"Of course you are," Liu Qingge muttered next to Shen Jiu. "Asshole."

Shen Jiu felt the same way. Even Lord Liu rolled his eyes as Palace Master Chen turned past him to leave, only for the man to freeze in his tracks.

"I thought you said you were leaving," Liu Qingge said in a deliberately loud voice. "Do you need help finding the way out, Palace Master?"

"No..." Palace Master Chen said in a rasp, ignoring him entirely. "It can't be."

There was someone in the doorway.

A woman in plain black robes and her hair in a ponytail. Shen Jiu didn't recognise her at first, but then she strode forth with a calm gait and saluted everyone.

"Lord Liu, Lady Liu," she said, bowing to the hosts. "I beg your pardon for coming uninvited, but when I heard my erstwhile saviour was in trouble, I wanted to help. Although it seems like you resolved the situation without me." Her pale lips quirked up in a smile.

Lord Liu looked at a total loss for a moment, then wonder came into his eyes and he said, "Can it be...?"

"You should be dead," Palace Master Chen croaked. "How, just how..."

"So it would seem," the woman said. She caught Shen Jiu's baffled stare in her direction and smiled. "I'm glad you're alright."

"Um, yes," he said, stupefied. "I didn’t get your name before, madam..."

"No, I suppose not. So let me introduce myself to the masters of the jianghu as I once was: Su Xiyan, Head Disciple of Huan Hua Palace."

"What," Liu Qingge hissed. "That was - the woman we helped years ago - her?"

"I know," Shen Jiu said, not believing it either. The tide was turning here, but in what direction he didn't know.

"And," Su Xiyan said, "now that I'm here, I believe we have some unfinished business to conduct. I'd like the hosts to kindly let me use the Scrying Bowl of Clarity and everyone to return to their seats for the time being.

"That includes you, Shifu," she said in a flat voice towards the Palace Master Chen. "You and I have a lot to clear up before we're done today."

As it turned out, the real trial had only just begun.

Chapter Text

Shen Jiu had heard of Su Xiyan before.

Years ago, when Yue Qingyuan had been recovering in his sickbed and they reconciled at last, Shen Jiu had demanded he tell him exactly what the hell the Siege of Bailu Mountain had been about and why Yue Qingyuan had been involved when he was still a disciple.

The siege, as Qi-ge had told him, had been an ambush by the Four Great Sects to trap and imprison Tianlang-jun, the heavenly demon ruler of the Demon Realm, for he had seduced and corrupted the Head Disciple of Huan Hua Palace, Su Xiyan.

Though Tianlang-jun had largely left the Human Realm alone in the past, this act was all but a declaration of war against the jianghu, was it not? Having fallen under the demon's spell, would Su Xiyan not give everything to her lover; her sect's techniques, their treasure houses and her fellow disciples to be consumed as meat? Hadn't she betrayed humanity itself... and done it all under Tianlang-jun's knowing eye?

And so, sects great and small heeded the call of Palace Master Chen to stop the demon before his evil appetite spread any further, and he was lured towards Bailu Mountain on the mistaken belief he would meet his human lover there...

When in fact he was greeted by dozens and dozens of Huan Hua's trapping arrays and fifty of the jianghu's greatest cultivators and a young powerhouse of a disciple who finally made the demon's knees buckle when his seniors failed, and gave them enough time to imprison Tianlang-jun under Bailu in time.

(As for what happened to Su Xiyan? Palace Master Chen had claimed she had committed suicide in shame after he confronted her about her misdeeds, and he had buried her in secret as one last gesture of goodwill from teacher to student.

And what a nice story that would have been, if any of it had been true.)

"I confess, I've been lying low the past few years," Su Xiyan said as she entered the room with the posture of a coiled tiger. "And I certainly had no intention of revealing myself again to the world this early... if ever." She smiled. "But how fortunate that I happened to be nearby when I heard the news yesterday about what happened at my benefactors’ wedding; I knew I couldn't sit still and let them be slandered. Debts must be repaid."

"Benefactors...?" Palace Master Chen said incredulously. "What in the world are you talking about?"

Su Xiyan eyed him with amusement. "You must be dying to know how I'm still alive and breathing, Shifu," she said with vicious calm. "Especially when you poisoned me in the Water Prison and let me run off into the wilderness, knowing it would kill both me and my child."

"What?" said Lord Liu, disgusted, while Abbot Wu Chen only bowed his head solemnly and Abbess Yi murmured a prayer under her breath. "Palace Master, you told everyone Junior Su killed herself out of shame when you found out she had given into Tianlung-jun. What the hell did you mean by that?"

"This master meant exactly that," Palace Master Chen snapped. "Xiyan betrayed me - us, humanity. She had succumbed to Tianlang-jun and was giving him Huan Hua's most precious secrets - "

"Lies," Su Xiyan said.

Palace Master Chen opened his mouth again, but she cut him off, raising her hand at the same time: "I, Su Xiyan of Huan Hua Palace, vow that I have never once shared intimate knowledge of my sect with Tianlang-jun nor his followers, or may the heavens cut me down to the root and obliterate my eternal soul, never to reincarnate. The only sin I ever committed with Tianlang-jun was by taking him to plays and puppet shows and adventures around the Human Realm... all which I did under Shifu's direct orders." She raised a brow. "Or are you going to pretend you didn't tell me to get close to Tianlang-jun and make him succumb to me?"

"I would never," Palace Master Chen spat, turning red with outrage. "What reason would I have to order you to do something so outrageous?"

"I really don't know myself." Su Xiyan tilted her head. "But that's why the Scrying Bowl of Clarity exists, does it? I invite everyone to look through my memories. All of them, from the day Shifu ordered me to approach Tianlang-jun and compel him to me… to the day he imprisoned me and forced me to to choose between my own survival or the innocent child in my belly, and made me drink a poison that would have killed us both had I not run into the most unlikely of saviours on my dying breath." At this she turned to Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge, her smile softening into genuine warmth.

"These two young men saw only a dying woman by the river and gave it their all to rid me of my poison and save my worthless life... and without accepting anything in thanks for it either."

At this Lord and Lady Liu looked at them with astonishment, asking in their eyes: and when did this take place exactly?

"When A'Jiu came to stay with us for the summer and we went exploring all over the place, " Liu Qingge said, shaking his head, perhaps, at the idea that he had done anything special. "We just knew she was in trouble. Obviously we had no idea back then that she - Lady Su," he corrected, "was involved in something crazy like this."

"I - I'll say," Lady Liu said helplessly. "You should have told us!"

Liu Qingge shrugged. "It didn't seem like she didn't want anyone talking about her. Besides, she was safe when we left her."

"And the babe?" Abbess Yi asked. "Forgive me for prying, Benefactor Su, but did the child survive as well?"

"Ah." Su Xiyan's expression froze, and she swallowed. "My child, he... it was a terrible labour, and I - "

She stopped mid-sentence, overwhelmed, and Shen Jiu's heart dropped like a lead weight. Hadn't the baby been fine when they'd bid her farewell? Had something happened to him after?

Had they... really left Su Xiyan behind then, lost to the fact her newborn would die soon after?

"Benefactor Su, do not weep," Abbess Yi said, bowing her head. "This old lady will pray for the child's eternal soul."

"As will I," Abbot Wu Chen said. "May he come back to you in another lifetime."

"Thank you," Su Xiyan said with a wavering smile, only for a disgusted laugh to burst out of Palace Master Chen at that very moment.

"Abbess, Abbott, you forget one thing; demons have no soul," Palace Master Chen said. "The child Xiyan wanted so badly to beget would have been a malformed, repulsive thing like its father, an abomination that feeds on human flesh and only seeks to destroy. You should be grateful that it's dead now, that it could not leech and suck blood from its mother no longer. The day there are no demons in this world will be a blessing indeed!"

"My son," Su Xiyan said, drawing her sword, "has a name."

She pointed her sword at Palace Master Chen and said, "Palace Master Chen - no, Chen Hu - I accuse you of deceiving the entire jianghu and attacking Tianlang-jun under false pretenses. How many cultivators died that day believing they were fighting to save humanity when you were the one who started the entire chain of events!

“You ordered me to seduce Tianlang-jun, to use him to weaken the other sects and make Huan Hua prosper, and when I could no longer stomach obeying your every command, you repaid my years of devotion and filial behaviour to you by torturing me and trying to kill me!"

"Filial behaviour? You call yourself filial?" Palace Master Chen roared back, long golden sleeves whipping as his qi began to spark around him in fury. Even Shen Jiu took a step back in alarm and Liu Qingge pulled him close, hand on Cheng Luan's hilt.

"What filial disciple of mine would forsake me to run away with a demon, to sacrifice everything I'd given to you in exchange for becoming Tianlang-jun's whore! I would have given you all of Huan Hua Palace if you had just stayed obedient by my side, yet you spat in my face and begged mercy for the monstrosity in your stomach as if it meant anything to me - as if I didn't want it dead to begin with!

“If I'd known from the beginning how you would continue to spite me even to this day, I should have broken your neck when you were still a child!"

The poise and majesty Palace Master Chen had once shown to the world was gone, destroyed by a raging, spittle-flecked man who looked less like the leader of one of the Four Great Sects and more a madman screaming nonsense on the street as people walked by, ignoring him all the while.

Yet only a fool would think him impotent because of his outburst, and Palace Master Chen lunged for Su Xiyan with brilliant light streaming out from his sleeves, intent on killing her.

She stepped back and blocked the beam of pure spiritual energy that crashed down onto her with her sword but just barely, the blade cracking from the impact, then shattering entirely.

Then a lot of things happened immediately, and all at once:

Lord Liu grabbed Su Xiyan by the back of her robes and pulled her back from the beam of light just as it was about to slice through her body; instead, it just sliced through the walls and floors and left a gap as it simply vaporised everything in its path.

Shen Jiu cursed and threw himself and Liu Qingge back from the chaos; he didn't have anything on him, not even a smoke talisman to block Palace Master Chen's line of sight if the old man wanted to gut him too.

Liu Qingge tried to draw Cheng Luan, but Shen Jiu seized his wrist, stopping him halfway. "Don't do anything stupid!" he screamed. "Just protect A'Niang and A'Die!"

"But - "

"We're outclassed here, Qingge! Come on!" And so, he dragged Liu Qingge by the collar to where Lord and Lady Liu had backed into a corner of the room with Su Xiyan and a stunned Master Hu clutching onto Qiu Haitang’s slumped body.

Abbot Wu Chen then flung up a protective barrier to surround them from further attacks while Abbess Yi flashed a dozen hand signals in a row and cast out shields of pure qi to redirect Palace Master Chen's light beams away from everyone.

Instead of cutting through flesh the beams cut through rock and beam and column, destabilising not only the welcoming hall but the entire fucking Liu manor as the rafters began to groan and slide, no longer tethered to anything -

And then the world went mute.

It was as if they had suddenly become submerged in water; time itself slowed, grew sluggish. Everyone was moving in slow motion, then they weren’t moving at all.

It took Shen Jiu what felt like a century just to turn his head and see what had become of Palace Master Chen, light streaming out from his eyes and mouth as if the accumulated power of hundreds of years of qi wanted to escape his mortal coil and flee towards the heavenly realm all at once. He no longer looked in control of himself, his visage twisted in a horrific grimace, beams of light frozen around him in a thousand bent angles like a fly trapped in a web of glass and prism, unable to move lest he be vaporised to a bloody mist and his very soul obliterated to the ends of eternity.

And in the surreal nightmare they had all suddenly found themselves in, the only person who could still stand and move and behave as if everything was still normal was Yue Qingyuan.

Oh, Qi-ge, Shen Jiu thought with hysteria as he watched Yue Qingyuan walk towards Palace Master Chen, beams passing harmlessly through his body as if they were made of light alone and not the killing qi of a Nascent Soul cultivator.

No wonder the old Qiong Ding Peak Lord had dragged him along to Bailu, if his power had been even one-tenth of what it was like now. No wonder he had made Tianlang-jun buckle.

Quietly, somberly, as if demonstrating for a class of children, Yue Qingyuan pressed the puncture points in Palace Master Chen's body until the beams disappeared one by one, the old man falling unconscious in his arms.

Then he spoke.

"Abbot Wu," Yue Qingyuan said, as calm and terrifyingly empty as Shen Jiu had ever seen him. "The manor is unstable and this area will soon collapse. I will lessen Xuan Su's range of influence so everyone can leave safely, but you'll have to hold up your barrier the whole way through. Please, nod if you understand me."

It could have been a second; it could have been a thousand years. But finally, Abbot Wu nodded in Yue Qingyuan's direction.

Then time began to flow again.

Shen Jiu stumbled out of the welcoming hall and the Liu manor itself in a daze, holding onto Liu Qingge's hand the entire time, terrified that if he let go he would never be able to touch his husband again.

Only when they had made it all out, even a drained Master Hu carrying Qiu Haitang's unconscious body on his back - and not just them in the welcoming hall, but dozens of Liu family members and servants in other parts of the manor, all who looked similarly lost and disturbed about what had just unfolded as they milled in nervous groups in the courtyard - did Yue Qingyuan step out from under the threshold with Palace Master Chen in his arms, the last one out - and a moment after, Xuan Su let go, and the manor collapsed behind him.

Shen Jiu wanted to collapse too, lie down in the grass and not do anything else for the next five hundred years. Surviving that ordeal had been enough.

He... he would have to settle for leaning against Liu Qingge instead, and being glad that both of them had made their wedding out alive.

Yeah. That might just do the trick.

(Just kidding; after this, they were never leaving Bai Zhan again.)

*

The main Liu manor having been destroyed, everyone had reconvened at the family's medical pavilion for the aftermath. Surprisingly there were very few injuries among those who had escaped the manor, to their relief. Most people were just shaken and traumatised, understandably, by experiencing the might of Xuan Su for the first time... and that was when the sword was protecting them.

Shen Jiu shuddered just remembering the whole thing. At twenty-five, Yue Qingyuan was the youngest of the heads of the Great Sects by hundreds of years, but after this overwhelming display, no one would dare challenge his might ever again.

Really, if he didn't know it was his foolish Qi-ge underneath it all...

Well, he thought as he saw Su Xiyan, looking pale but resolute again, as she spoke to Yue Qingyuan and Abbot Wu and Abbess Yi... there were certainly going to be some changes in the jianghu.

He just... hoped he wouldn't be involved in them from now on. He'd had enough of being at the heart of the drama for a lifetime, thanks.

*

"Are you doing alright?"

Shen Jiu didn't expect Su Xiyan to approach him and Liu Qingge again; they were just about to head back to the guest house for the night, since their marital courtyard had very much been destroyed too. They'd head back to Cang Qiong with Qi-ge in the morning, and then...

"Lady Su," Shen Jiu said, bowing his head respectfully. Then he thought about it. "Or is it Palace Master Su now?"

"Ah, you heard," she said wryly.

"What's going to happen to the old man now?" Liu Qingge said, not bothering with pleasantries.

"Alive and well-bound," Su Xiyan said. "But perhaps not for much longer."

"What do you mean?" Shen Jiu frowned. "Is it because the Scrying Bowl was destroyed in the attack? Will Huan Hua's cultivators not believe your testimony over him?"

"No, they will." Su Xiyan smiled. "Especially as I have Abbot Wu supporting me. You may not know this, but before you two saved me back then, I ran into him along the way. He helped me escape my former sectmates who tried to capture me again. Sect Leader Yue has also been quite insistent about lending me support, even if the sect elders protest against my becoming the head of Huan Hua. You have a very good shixiong on your hands."

"We do," Shen Jiu said happily, although he probably meant it differently than she did. "Can we ask what your plans are from now on?"

Su Xiyan's lip twitched. "Would you be particularly appalled to know I fully intend to free Tianlang-jun from Bailu?"

"That's - " Liu Qingge started. "Incredibly reckless and dangerous. Won't he actually try to kill everyone this time?"

"It's not like that." Su Xiyan shook her head. "I've... spoken to him over the years. Visited him too, if you can believe it. I've been slowly undoing his seals as well, but there was only so much I could do on my own. Now I'll have my old sect's resources at hand."

"Even so," Shen Jiu said doubtfully. "He won't be... angry at what happened to him? How can you be so sure he won't seek revenge?"

"Because," Su Xiyan said, "I promised him Shifu's head."

They gaped at the implication, yet she just shrugged. "My husband is a good man. He also deserves catharsis."

That, Shen Jiu thought helplessly, refusing to imagine what someone like Tianlang-jun might do to Palace Master Chen when he finally had the old man in his reach -

Wasn't even his problem, so he wasn't going to waste time thinking about it anymore.

"Uh huh," Liu Qingge said, equally uninterested. "Well, whatever he chooses to do, tell him to stay far from Cang Qiong in the future."

"Sure," Su Xiyan said with a laugh. "We owe you both a debt as it is."

It was growing dark, and Shen Jiu could tell his husband was restless. "Thank you for coming to support us, Palace Master Su," he said. “We hope you have a safe journey home.”

"You as well. And thank you, for everything you two have done for me and my family." Su Xiyan bowed low, far too low for a senior of her ranking to her juniors. "Me, my husband, and our son... we're all grateful to you."

Oh. That. Shen Jiu swallowed. "I'm sorry about your loss."

"My loss?" She looked puzzled.

"Your child," Liu Qingge said. "We tried really hard to save him... I didn't realise he didn't make it. We're sorry about that."

"What? Binghe? No, my baby boy is just fine," Su Xiyan said, laughing. "You'll have to forgive me; I was embellishing a little there. You saw how Shifu talked about him when he wasn't even born yet; I couldn't be sure other people wouldn't feel the same way. Not to mention that if things had gone sideways, I wanted him to stay safe with Hui-ayi..."

"Wait, what," Liu Qingge said. "Your son is alive?"

"Very much so," Su Xiyan said. "And a sweet, lively boy. It would please me greatly if he met you one day."

No doubt. "We'd like that too," Shen Jiu said, and Su Xiyan bowed again in thanks before finally bidding them farewell.

"God," Liu Qingge said after she left. "I just want to go home to Bai Zhan and not have any more ridiculous crap happen to us for a lifetime. This was supposed to be our fucking wedding."

Shen Jiu giggled at his blatant frustration. "Me too," he said with sympathy. "Maybe we should have just eloped."

"Yeah," Liu Qingge huffed. "We'd have skipped so much bullshit along the way too."

Then Shen Jiu laced fingers with him and they walked back to the guest house just as the moon began to rise, illuminating their path and keeping them company all the way through.

And for once, the world let them be.

Chapter Text

"Shizun! Shizun and Shen-shishu are back, everyone!"

As soon as Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge landed on Bai Zhan Peak they were swarmed by an army of fellow cultivators, hallmasters, disciples, kitchen aunties, stable hands and even the stair sweeps, all begging to know if they were safe and alright now from that horrible attack during their wedding and if Palace Master Chen had truly lost his mind and tried to murder them in a qi deviation-induced madness, and what it meant that Su Xiyan had returned from the dead to take over Huan Hua -

Amidst the chaos, Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge just exchanged dry glances in silence.

The meeting at Qiong Ding where they and Yue Qingyuan had informed the rest of the Peak Lords and Cang Qiong's other senior cultivators what had actually unfolded during Shen Jiu's so-called trial and the revelations after hadn't even been finished for a quarter-shichen and already the rumour mill had gone wild.

The attack on the Liu estate itself was only a couple of days old, but to cultivators who could fly on swords and communicate via paper butterflies, news had travelled like wildfire, and everyone was dying to know from a first hand source exactly what had led to Palace Master Chen's abrupt and shocking dethroning at the hands of his old Head Disciple, who the last they'd heard had been accused of betraying humanity by falling in love with a demon… and who had been thought dead for the last five years.

It was a complicated mess, and no doubt they would have to clarify things sooner than later.

However.

Liu Qingge put one arm around Shen Jiu's shoulder and held up his free hand. "Enough," he said sharply, projecting his voice loud enough to silence everyone. "A'Jiu and I have just come back from a long and tiring trip and we're exhausted. I will explain everything at tomorrow's mandatory assembly in front of the main plaza at chen shi tomorrow morning. You can ask your questions then.

“But for now, my husband," he emphasised, "and I are going to our house to rest for the rest of the day, and no one is to disturb us. That's an order from your Peak Lord."

"Ye - yes, Shizun," someone finally stammered; Shen Jiu looked into the crowd and saw it was Cao Yu. Funny.

"Then we'll be on our way," Shen Jiu said smugly, and they began to walk through the crowd, people parting for them with wide eyes.

When they heard one last "But Shizun, what about - " Liu Qingge just groaned and picked Shen Jiu up and ran towards their house on the cliffs.

"No more stupid questions!" Liu Qingge bellowed, even as Shen Jiu screeched:

"Qingge, what the fuck! Let me down!"

"Not happening! I am sick and tired of everyone demanding everything from us when we just got married! No one's allowed to talk to us for the next ten years!"

"Okay?! What does that have to do with you carrying me like a bag of rice all of a sudden! Let me down or this is going to be the end of you!"

But for once, Shen Jiu's cries fell on deaf ears and he had to screw his eyes shut in mortification and pretend the entirety of Bai Zhan hadn't just seen him get hauled off in his husband's arms like a child with his toy.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! He was never going to live this down, and to think the Qing generation hadn't even been in charge for a whole month. His married life had started out perfectly.

*

Eventually, things settled down.

Outside the sect, Su Xiyan took over Huan Hua Palace as its new Palace Master, claiming authority due to her former status as the Head Disciple and her pivotal role in exposing her old teacher as the scheming bastard who had lured the jianghu into war with Tianlang-jun for his own ego and depraved desires, leading to the death and diminishing of many cultivators who had fought the heavenly demon as a result.

Though many senior cultivators within Huan Hua and from outside protested at first, after the Four Great Sects held a summit at Huan Hua with the other three leaders all supporting Su Xiyan's leadership and recounting to the rest of the jianghu how Palace Master Chen had gone mad and tried to kill them as well, most of the objections were withdrawn, and Su Xiyan allowed to rule Huan Hua fully.

Which was great, because the first thing she did was cause another enormous controversy by freeing Tianlang-jun from his prison under Bailu and making it well known to the jianghu and the wider world that yes, she was still very much in love with the heavenly demon who had charmed her years ago, and even after years of imprisonment and decay, Tianlang-jun was still the most powerful demon lord this world had seen, and he soon sprang back into full health and proceeded to...

Do nothing and disappear into the Demon Realm instead. Huh.

For years after his release from Bailu the jianghu feared the demon lord's retribution for imprisoning him, that he was simply biding his time until he had gathered his armies in full strength, that he had in fact had corrupted Su Xiyan and led her astray from humanity, and that Huan Hua, despite operating like normal, would one day swap its brilliant golden silk banners for red and black and become a heretic sect overnight.

But... years passed and still Tianlang-jun made no moves in the Mortal Realm, though he was spotted here and there, whether with Su Xiyan or a young man with braids, or a small child whose face was always hidden.

Though no one could be truly sure, maybe the demon lord just wanted to live an ordinary life with his family from now on, and revenge had never been on his mind at all.

That would make him a better person than most cultivators already, wouldn't it?

(No one really thought about Palace Master Chen during these times. Most people were under the vague impression he had been imprisoned in the Water Prison himself, or died quietly along the way.

Good riddance too. Huan Hua had become so much less obnoxious since Su Xiyan took over!)

And after years of quiet and nothing untoward coming from the Demon Realm, the jianghu began to accept that perhaps there would be no war of retribution after all, and life would just... go on.

And it did.

*

"That one looks like he has potential."

"Hm?" Shen Jiu leaned against Liu Qingge as he spoke, his husband's arm a comforting presence around his waist as always. "Who are you looking at, Qingge?"

"That one." Liu Qingge pointed to a small, curly-haired boy digging down below in the ravine. "Strong, despite his size. Knows what he's doing; his hands are still in good condition. Not crying or fussing about getting dirty either, despite the rich clothes. Good attitude."

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. "Well, it looks like you've already got it sorted out. Why did I even come when I have so much work to do back home, hm?"

"You came," Liu Qingge drawled, "because you know I can't be fussed about these things and you love me."

Shen Jiu snorted. "Oh yeah, how could I forget? My big strong husband, the Bai Zhan Peak Lord, who finds it such a chore to have to ignore all the desperate dewy-eyed hopefuls who want a chance at making it on his illustrious peak... how could I not love a man like that?"

"Seven years and counting," Liu Qingge countered, equally unfazed.

There was a polite cough next to them. "Would one of you two like to invite the boy up then?" Yue Qingyuan asked, looking both amused and a touch exasperated at their conversation. "He's been looking at you both since you started talking about him."

"Sharp ears too," Shen Jiu mimicked in Liu Qingge's analytical voice immediately, then stared down into the ravine where hundreds of children were still digging holes and shouted, "You there, come up! Bai Zhan wants you!"

"Let him go through the gauntlet before you say something like that," Liu Qingge groused, but Shen Jiu just scoffed.

"Oh please! When's the last time we had a novice try that old stupid passage? He can do it after his first year."

"I'm just saying, it worked out fine for me..."

It took a while for the boy to climb up the stone steps from the ravine to the lofty plaza above where the Peak Lords were standing but eventually he made it, huffing and puffing with his hands on his knees as he looked at both Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge and clearly couldn't tell which one of them was going to be his future master.

"Hello there." Shen Jiu smiled at him. "Would you like to be a part of Bai Zhan?"

"It's not for everyone," Liu Qingge said right after. "We're the fighters and warriors of Cang Qiong, and there's no room neither for cowards nor brutes."

"Mm. Only good men," Shen Jiu added slyly.

"And good women."

"How could I forget?" Shen Jiu flashed the wide-eyed brat a wicked grin. "How about it? You'll face death and danger every time you step off the mountain and you'll do it with a smile. You'll uphold the sect's honour and punish anyone who violates it relentlessly - even yourself. Maybe you'll become a true immortal or maybe you'll die after only a year. My husband is right; Bai Zhan truly isn't for everyone, and we don't take on people who don't want to be here. Join us if you want, but do it with your eyes wide open."

The boy gaped at him, struggling to digest such a surreal proposition.

"But then," he began tentatively, "if Bai Zhan is so harsh... then why would anyone go there? Why would anyone want to be a part of it?"

"Hmm. I wonder." Shen Jiu glanced at his husband fondly, and said no more.

"Bai Zhan," Liu Qingge said, "can teach you to be strong, and what that means to you. Why we fight the battles we do and who we fight for. Whether you want to be on top of the world or to protect your loved ones, it can teach you that too. But only if you want to understand it."

He swallowed. "Strength is power, but not just the power to force others to do what you want. With power comes the responsibility to care for those around you, and understand that being weak in one aspect does not make you weak in all of them, and that being strong does not make you invincible."

"Nor always right," Shen Jiu murmured. "Does that sound like something you'd like to be a part of?"

"I..." The boy hesitated, and fair enough. Ever since they'd changed how they ran things at Bai Zhan, starting from the disciple selection itself, more than enough people had turned them down. The new Bai Zhan wasn't like the old one at all.

Maybe Shizun had gone mad up in heaven from all the changes they'd made, how they ran the peak nowadays.

But either way, they wouldn't change a thing.

"Yes," the boy said after a thoughtful pause. "Yes, I want to become strong so I can protect my family when I'm older."

"Good boy." Shen Jiu leaned over and ruffled the brat's fluffy hair, which made him squeak and flush pink. "My name is Shen Jiu, and I'll probably teach some of your classes from now on, so get used to seeing me around. But your real master is going to be this one over here; Liu Qingge, Lord of Bai Zhan Peak. Greet him properly."

"Yes!" the boy said, bright red. "This - this Luo Binghe greets Peak Lord Liu!" He even bowed low with his ponytail bobbing behind him, which made Liu Qingge snort.

"At ease," he said. "I'm your Shizun from now on, so call me that instead."

"Yes, Shizun! Luo Binghe greets Shizun!"

"And this one, well..." he added, mimicking Shen Jiu's tone of voice briefly. "Call him Shen-shishu."

"Ah." Luo Binghe bowed again with his hair bouncing up behind him, and this time Shen Jiu turned away to laugh. "Luo Binghe greets Shen-shishu."

"Mm, very good." Shen Jiu dabbed at his eyes with his sleeve. "Now if that's all, are we done here?"

"You don't want anyone else?" Liu Qingge asked.

"No, the brats from two years ago are a handful enough as it is. One kid will do fine for now." Shen Jiu was still laughing a little, and Luo Binghe couldn't take his eyes off of him. "Come on, ah, Luo Binghe. We'll get you settled in soon enough - "

"Wait!" The boy fished for something inside one of his sleeves. "My a'niang said I should show you - either Shizun or Shen-shishu - this when I got to Cang Qiong. Um, here!"

And to their astonishment, he presented them a silver guan engraved with a falcon, one they hadn't seen for over a decade now.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Shen Jiu said blankly. "Qingge!"

"Yeah, I know." Liu Qingge studied Luo Binghe with renewed interest. Now that he knew what to look for, he could see the resemblance there. "And you know where that guan comes from, do you?"

"Mm." The boy bowed his head. "A'niang says you gave it to her a long time ago when you saved her."

"Saved her? Brat, we were there when you were born," Shen Jiu exclaimed. "So you're the - " He shut his mouth when some of the other Peak Lords looked their way curiously.

"Good to know you're alive, kid," Liu Qingge said dryly. "We always wondered how you'd grow up one day. Clearly your parents have done alright."

"Mm," said Luo Binghe happily. "Don't let anyone know but A'Die still doesn't know I'm here yet! He still thinks I'm in Huan Hua with A'Niang and - "

"Okay, okay," Shen Jiu said in hysterics. "You can say whatever you want later. For now, let's just go back to Bai Zhan and get you fixed up, alright?"

"Yeah." Liu Qingge nudged the boy. "Let's go already."

And just like that, Bai Zhan Peak found its newest disciple.

*

"How's the boy settling in?" Yue Qingyuan asked them a few weeks later during dinner.

Shen Jiu snorted over his cup of tea. "Lively as hell. I've assigned Jin Ran to look after him so he can learn some restraint and not bulldoze over the other kids in practice. He's twelve years old and stronger than an ox, I swear."

"He's good," Liu Qingge said approvingly.

"You just like him because he reminds you of yourself, back then.”

"What's wrong with that? Isn't he already trying to do your paperwork for you too?"

"He IS! I have no idea where it's coming from either, isn't his father an emperor? Ridiculous!"

Yue Qingyuan watched them bicker with a helplessly fond gaze. "But he's doing well on Bai Zhan?" he asked. "No one is bullying him or noticing his seal?"

"Kid's doing just fine," Shen Jiu said. "Already has half his shixiongs eating out of his hand, so he'll probably be running the peak in three months, god forbid."

"Give it two more weeks before he tries to openly dethrone me," Liu Qingge muttered, making Yue Qingyuan laugh.

They continued to talk about Luo Binghe and other disciples who crossed their minds, about the next missions they would go on and which of their students were the most likely to rank high in the next Immortal Alliance Conference.

After dinner, Liu Qingge would visit Liu Mingyan at Xian Shu to observe her training for a bit while Shen Jiu would return to their study and put the finishing notes on his latest lesson plan. A shichen might pass before they saw each other again - but only just that.

Then they would wash up and go to bed together, and talk a little more in the dark with their hands interlaced before falling asleep and the new day would begin and they would do it all over again.

And life was good.

Perfect, even.

Chapter Text

"You know you don't have to do this.”

That was the first thing Liu Qingge said to Shen Jiu after they landed at their destination. They'd spent two days flying over plains and rivers and forests to arrive at the valley where the Ba Qi Sect was located - Qiu Haitang's sect.

Shen Jiu heard the concern in his husband's voice loud and clear and squeezed his hand. "I know, Qingge."

"You don't owe anything to that woman." Liu Qingge didn’t let go of him as they waited for the sect's gates to open up for them. "So if you feel in debt to her just because she was nice to you as a kid, then forget it - "

"Not a debt. Not guilt either," Shen Jiu assured him. Honestly, where had this gallant gentleman been all his life? "I just want to resolve a few things."

"Sure," Liu Qingge grumbled under his breath, but said no more after that.

It didn't take long before the wooden gates creaked open and cultivators in burgundy robes hurried towards them to salute them, hands shaking as they did. "Peak Lord Liu! Shen-xiansheng! Forgive us for not welcoming you right away!"

"It's fine." Shen Jiu smiled. "Please don't stand on ceremony for us; we just came to see Master Hu and then we'll be on our way."

"Of course, xiansheng! It would be our honour!"

They were quickly ushered inside, and Shen Jiu took his time looking around the sect grounds.

Ba Qi was a modest sect and it showed, in the small wooden buildings with largely thatched roofs and people walking about in disparate and varied clothes, far from the uniform appearance of most sects. It looked less like a sect of cultivators and more like a tiny walled-off village.

But that didn't have to be a bad thing. A pair of girls were chatting as they swept away the rich autumn leaves off the stone walkways; a young man was carrying a basket full of bamboo shoots as he followed an elderly hunched-over woman to a corner and they disappeared between the buildings.

Shen Jiu looked into an open courtyard as they walked past, and saw another person in burgundy robes speaking seriously to five small children in matching brown robes; junior disciples, perhaps. They certainly looked young enough.

Eventually their guides stopped in front of a small courtyard where Master Hu was waiting for them.

It had been a month since their last unfortunate meeting, and the man looked wan and tired, even when he greeted them and sank into an impossibly deep bow, far more than they deserved as his juniors, even despite the gulf in strength between their sects.

"Master Hu," Shen Jiu said, saluting him respectfully. "Thank you for allowing us to come today."

Master Hu shook his head. "Shen-qianbei has a kind and generous nature. I am more than grateful for anything he is willing to do to clear this heart demon in my disciple's heart." He smiled, with shadows under his eyes.

Shen Jiu didn't know if anyone could do that. But he nodded, and Master Hu led him towards a room in his courtyard, and rapped on the door. "Haitang, you have a guest," he said in a soft voice.

There was no answer from inside. Master Hu stepped aside to let Shen Jiu enter.

"Wait - " said Liu Qingge from behind him.

Shen Jiu turned his head and gave him a smile he hoped was reassuring. "I'll be fine, Qingge," he said. "Just... keep an eye out for me, hm?"

His husband reached out and touched his cheek. "... shout for me if something goes wrong," he muttered.

Shen Jiu grinned; of course he would.

Nerves mostly eased, Liu Qingge stepped back, and Shen Jiu opened the door and went in.

*

Her back was to him when he entered the room.

Qiu Haitang sat still as a doll in her chair, nothing on the table in front of her. Shen Jiu approached, then stopped before he came too close.

"Hello, Haitang," he said.

She didn't turn towards him, though her back flinched. Her hair was unruly and loose, down to her waist, and she was only in white inner robes, a far cry from the burgundy of her sectmates.

"We didn't get a chance to say anything the last time we saw each other," Shen Jiu continued. "And I don't know if we'll see each other again, so I figured I might as well say now what I've felt for a long time before it's too late.

"Haitang, I don't blame you for what happened back then."

Her back trembled. Good, she was listening. Shen Jiu swallowed, then went on.

"Those years were hell on earth for me. You saw what I went through, so I won't repeat them. Only that... the few moments we spent together was the only time anyone was good to me. You were good to me, even if you didn't know what I was going through. I want you to remember that. Whatever your brother did, it has nothing to do with you."

"How can it not?"

A thin, reedy voice spoke at last, and Qiu Haitang slowly turned to face Shen Jiu, pale and ashen and considerably underweight since the last time he'd seen her.

"Everything my brother did was to make me happy," Qiu Haitang whispered. "And you say what he did had nothing to do with me? Why are you lying?" A tear trickled down a gaunt cheek. "Are you saying he would have treated you like that if I'd never been around?"

"Yes," Shen Jiu said. "Qiu Jianluo was a sick and twisted man who tormented me from the day he got his hands on me. The only thing that would have changed if you hadn't been around, Haitang, was that he would have probably broken my neck a long time ago."

She flinched, but it was the truth. Qiu Jianluo had only ever restrained his violence, his perversions on Shen Jiu because Qiu Haitang might ask questions if her beloved Xiao Jiu had inexplicable bruises on his face and a mouth that looked like it had been chewed through by animals.

Qiu Jianluo had never beaten him on the days Shen Jiu had stuck to Qiu Haitang like glue, even if he seethed over it, even if he made him pay for it later.

Amidst three years in hell, this naive, spoiled little rich girl had been a slave boy's buoy in rough waters, the only place he could lie down and have a peaceful sleep next to.

And even now, he understood... she had just been a child herself, and so unknowing of the gilded prison her own elder brother had wanted to cage her in for the rest of her life. She would have never been allowed to walk in polite society having married a slave, that was for sure.

(He never regretted letting her live, even if Wu Yanzi called him a fool for it; it would bite him back in the future, the old bastard warned Shen Jiu, and kept an eye for any further signs of weakness in his wayward pupil.)

"I'll never regret killing him," Shen Jiu said. "Nor how the fire went down. Not really. I would have gone mad eventually; if not that night, then later on. But..." He hesitated. "I'm sorry you had to suffer."

"Why?"

Shen Jiu blinked in surprise, while Qiu Haitang stared at him with large empty eyes.

"Why do you feel sorry for me?" she said, fingers laced tightly together, her nails so short they had been bitten down to the bud. "Don't you hate me? Aren't you angry at me? Disgusted about how stupid I was?" She screwed her eyes shut and shuddered. "For years I thought you were just an ungrateful dog who bit the hand that fed him, that you killed my brother and ruined my life for nothing. I burned so much incense for A'Luo over the years, wishing he would come back to me..." Tears dripped down her face. "Instead, I should have been cursing his name and begging for your forgiveness all along. Why... why didn't you kill me too back then... why this...

"It - it would have been just," Qiu Haitang said, hands shaking in her lap. "If you'd killed me too, and wiped out my family's wretched name off the earth. Then maybe we could be free of a sin a dozen lifetimes from now, and learn to be better people..."

Shen Jiu shook his head. "I killed the people who hurt me," he said. "You never did, Haitang. That's why."

"Until your wedding," she said with a sob. "I ruined that for you, didn't I? It should have been the best day of your life, but instead..."

"It was," Shen Jiu said.

Qiu Haitang hiccuped, shaking her head in disbelief. Shen Jiu smiled. "I got married to the love of my life, and we drank our wedding wine together," he said. "The night before, A'Niang combed out my hair and blessed me. I have a mother now, Haitang. I never thought I could be so lucky."

"Not - not luck." Qiu Haitang rubbed at her red eyes with her sleeve. "Hard work. You worked so hard to get where you are now, and me... I don't even know if I'll be allowed in the sect anymore after this."

Master Hu was a decent man; Shen Jiu doubted he would let his disciple get expelled without a fight. "You'll be alright," he said.

"You don't know that - "

"Of course I don't." Shen Jiu shrugged. "But Haitang, your life isn't over. You were able to join a sect, which means you have a good work ethic and determination. You have a good teacher too, one who pleaded mercy for you in front of the great sects without care for his own reputation. You have people who care about you and want you to lift your head. You're not alone anymore."

"I just..." Qiu Haitang blinked, looking away with glassy eyes. "Don't know if I can face people again after the mess I made... what I said about you in front of so many people. That's what everyone's going to think about when they see me, won't they? Just a deranged madwoman who tries to cause trouble wherever she goes and doesn't know anything she's talking about." She laughed wetly. "That's me."

"So do something until you're known for something else," Shen Jiu said. "Go on missions and help people, no matter how small the problem; Qingge and I did that for a whole summer and we even managed to help Palace Master Su out of it."

"Yes!" Qiu Haitang cried. "That's you! You did that because you're kind, Shen Jiu, because you're better than me!"

"Am I?" he asked, intensely amused.

"Yes! You save people, you saved me even though you had every right to hate me for being an ignorant brat. Even now you came all this way to talk to me even though I don't deserve it." She wrapped thin arms around herself, shuddering. "I'm not that good, Shen Jiu. I couldn't be, even if I was in your shoes. I think I would just be angry forever, and so bitter..."

"That would make two of us, then." Shen Jiu sighed. "Haitang, I was angry for a long time. I was heartbroken and miserable and alone. If you'd told me only a few years ago that I was a kind person, I would have laughed in your face. Nothing about the person I am now came easy to me.

"And I didn't know when I started on my journey where I would end up either. I just... knew that I didn't want to be angry anymore. Didn't want to go to sleep every night with a heavy heart and wake up wishing I was anywhere but here and anyone but myself."

"I... I want that too." Qiu Haitang wet her lips. "I just... don't know how to get there. Or how long it'll take... until I stop hating myself for not being able to see the truth back then."

Shen Jiu smiled wanly. "I don't know either. But Haitang, so long as you're willing to try, the world is open to you. Believe me when I say your past doesn't have to be your future. You can leave it behind, I promise."

"I," Qiu Haitang swallowed. "Don't know if I can... what can I even do right now..."

"You can go outside," Shen Jiu told her, "and have tea with your teacher, and let him know you're alright."

"And if I'm not?" Qiu Haitang trembled. "Then what?"

"Then you're not alright," Shen Jiu said. "But maybe one day, you can be."

"... yeah," she said in a small voice, wiping at her eyes. "Maybe."

*

The moment Shen Jiu stepped out again, Liu Qingge hurried to his side and squeezed his arm in silent concern - not that he had to worry. Shen Jiu pecked him on the cheek anyway for being so cute. "It's okay, nothing happened."

"Hm," Liu Qingge said, lip twitching in relief. "If you say so."

"Yeah," Shen Jiu huffed. What a worrywart!

Husband by his side, he turned to Master Hu. "I've said what I could. The rest is up to Haitang."

"It's more than I could have ever asked for." The immortal bowed in thanks. "Shen-qianbei has the heart of a bodhisattva."

"In a few hundred years, perhaps," Shen Jiu said wryly. "For now, my husband and I have to return to our sect. Apologies that we can't stay longer."

"It's nothing. Please be off safely," Master Hu said.

"We will." Shen Jiu cleared his throat, reaching inside his sleeve. "Please accept this on Cang Qiong's behalf, Master Hu."

The cultivator took the gift Shen Jiu passed him - a book, eyes narrowing to read the title - then widening in disbelief.

"The Charm Compendium," Master Hu said, stunned. "Shen-qianbei, this is too much..."

It wasn't, actually. Shen Jiu had scribed a copy for his mother-in-law before the wedding, and he'd just gotten permission from Tian Yi to make another. "Please accept it as a gesture of good will, Master Hu," he said. "And show it around, perhaps, so no one thinks there is any bad blood between our sects."

"Oh - oh, of course." The man's nerves settled down once he realised what Shen Jiu meant. Ba Qi was a tiny sect compared to Cang Qiong and who knew how the rest of the jianghu would treat it after one of its disciples had made such a scene at the wedding of the heir of the Liu clan (and a Peak Lord to boot!).

News would get out soon that the Bai Zhan Peak Lord and his husband, the one so viciously and falsely slandered a month ago had visited Ba Qi and left right after; no doubt to demand restitution or the sect's dissolution entirely, the grape vine would whisper.

A copy of the Charm Compendium, which was widely coveted in the jianghu as all sources of true knowledge were, being in Ba Qi's hands - and Master Hu letting it be known that Shen Jiu had gifted it to him personally - would indicate to everyone else that bygones were bygones, and Ba Qi did not need to fear reprisal from Cang Qiong nor any of its allies.

Master Hu bid them farewell with profuse thanks, and they were soon aloft again, this time deciding to take off in the courtyard instead of heading out of the sect first.

Shen Jiu couldn't be sure - Liu Qingge was a quick flier, and he had to be just as quick to catch up - but he thought Qiu Haitang might have come out of her room to watch him leave. There was definitely someone standing next to Master Hu, in any case.

He didn't know if he would ever see her again; the world was vast, and the years could go by in a blink.

Even so, he hoped she would find peace one day.

He knew he had.

*

"This seems like a good place to stop for the night."

Shen Jiu's energy had flagged during the flight once it became evening, and Liu Qingge slowed his pace and led him downwards until they landed in front of an inn, welcoming them with a bright red lantern and warm light and laughter through the paper windows.

For once, Shen Jiu was glad to stay quiet and let his husband do the talking and ordering for them; he just held onto Liu Qingge's arm and yawned during the entire process.

They were soon escorted to their suite, a grand and surprisingly tasteful set of rooms at the back of the inn; the place was bigger than it looked. Shen Jiu even whistled when he opened the partitions and saw their suite stepped out into a private garden and their very own hot spring.

"This is amazing," he marvelled, just what his creaky bones needed for the night. "Qingge, how did you find this place just from looking overhead!"

"Saw the steam too, didn't you?" Liu Qingge said, looping arms around Shen Jiu's waist and enjoying the view alongside him.

"Hmm. Could be," Shen Jiu said, leaning back into his embrace. "Or perhaps my brilliant husband did some research before we left on our trip, no?"

Liu Qingge pinked, but refused to change his stoic expression otherwise. "We always go on a little detour when we're done with a mission," he said. "Don't know why that has to change now."

"You're so right," Shen Jiu laughed. "We have all the time to do stuff like this from now on."

"Exactly," Liu Qingge said, and grinned.

*

Dinner was a lavish spread featuring roast duck and deer tendon hotpot, but they were both so eager to get into the hot spring they scarfed down the bare minimum before hurrying for the real main event of the night.

Liu Qingge stripped to nothing in a flash and entered the water first, while Shen Jiu followed behind in his inner robe, bare feet cool against the stone path leading him to the hot spring.

The water was perfect, and Shen Jiu let out a satisfied hiss when he sank into it and found a shallow spot to sit at, robe pooling around him like a cloud.

Liu Qingge raised a brow, wading closer. "You're still wearing clothes here?"

Shen Jiu flicked water towards him. "Buzz off."

"I'm just saying." Liu Qingge took the droplets of water that splattered onto his flushed face like a champion. "It's just the two of us. You don't have to hide anything."

"... I guess," Shen Jiu said.

Truth be told, he didn't know why he had worn his inner robe in the hot spring save for force of habit. His infamously rigid sense of modesty had made him somewhat notorious among Bai Zhan's pigs, who often took every opportunity to strip naked and jump into a waterfall or splash each other in the common baths (and compare packages along the way), but Shen Jiu had certainly never been born so fussy.

He had a body, yes, pale and thin and graceful, with a waist that carried a sash well, and long legs, and a backside that was ample considering the rest of him was so bony. But -

It wasn't him. It was the scars.

It had been a long time since Shen Jiu examined his back, but ever since Qiu Jianluo had gotten his hands on him, it had been a wretched, disfigured mess of whip scars and burn marks and whatever method of torture the sick bastard liked to inflict on him, with whatever toy he had lying around.

Shen Jiu's improved cultivation over the years had probably healed some of the damage, but even so, he was still a middling cultivator, and nothing in comparison to Liu Qingge or Yue Qingyuan; he still hadn't formed his golden core yet, despite his husband assuring him it would happen sooner than later, and Shen Jiu had nothing to worry about.

... and maybe he didn't.

It wasn't as if he would have been able to keep it a secret forever anyhow; it was only through happenstance that they never consummated their marriage during their wedding... nor the days that came after.

(What could they say? The Qing generation was only two months into their new roles; they still had a lot to get done, alright?!)

And his husband, of all people, would never look at Shen Jiu askance for what had once been done to him.

He knew that now, and loved him for it.

"Well..." Shen Jiu flushed as he undid the ties to his robe and removed it, placing it on some nearby rocks. "If you say so. I guess you'll see the rest of me soon enough," he added shyly, not realising the implication of what he said until he saw Liu Qingge staring at him - at his naked body, even if mostly submerged in water - and his husband turned bright red.

And it was not because of the water, thank you very much.

*

Shen Jiu had been lucky in finding Liu Qingge for his partner in more ways than one.

He'd always known that, and been grateful for it; his husband, despite being known primarily for speaking with his fists, was a gentleman through and through.

It meant something that, even as Liu Qingge had grown tall and strong and could easily overpower Shen Jiu during their many bouts and duels together, that he'd never once wielded his superior strength as a reason for Shen Jiu to kowtow to him, to fear what he could do to him.

To fear him at all.

Shen Jiu had never been naive to the way older men looked at him, even when he was small and scrubby and skinny enough to hide in Qi-ge's outer robe when he wanted to.

He had the kind of large, alluring eyes that made men want to come hither, or so said a jiejie he used to spend time with, when Wu Yanzi would spend his nights in a brothel and leave Shen Jiu rudderless and bereft in the common room.

(She'd told him that, both in flattery and concern... and then asked, quietly, if his shifu treated him well. If Wu Yanzi actually was his shifu and not, well, someone he was bound to through more unsavoury means.

Shen Jiu had assured her he was fine, that Shifu never touched him - sexually, that was. Wu Yanzi's fancies leaned towards forcing Shen Jiu to endure bloodletting and being the subject of his more experimental talismans. That Wu Yanzi never preyed on him in that fashion was his one saving grace.)

No, Shen Jiu's time at the Qiu Estate had given him more than enough proof of what most men would do when they got their hands on him, whether it be Qiu Jianluo or a manservant whose standing was barely higher than Shen Jiu's.

His husband, in comparison, was a breath of fresh air; sometimes it seemed like he had been formed out of cloud fluff from the heavenly realm itself, and set loose upon humanity to fight good and nothing else.

He had no vice but stubbornness and a little pride, he was unmoved by greed nor jealousy nor wrath, and he definitely didn't give into lust.

(If he felt it at all!)

It wasn't just that Liu Qingge had always been bemused and disinterested by the attention he got from Xian Shu and other admirers, female and male. Even when they finally got together, Liu Qingge had never tried anything beyond the kisses and cuddles they shared.

Never made Shen Jiu anxious about what would come next, about what he would be expected to do one day as a part of his marital duties, to serve his husband, god forbid...

No, Shen Jiu was quite sure that if he told Liu Qingge he wanted to stay chaste for the rest of their lives, his silly goose would agree quite easily, and they just... wouldn't have sex if Shen Jiu didn't want to.

He'd never been given the choice before.

Now he had someone who respected him body and soul, and would never hold it against him if he just... couldn't, for whatever reason.

But... but if he could - if he ever wanted to, then Liu Qingge was definitely the one he'd want to do it with.

Well, Shen Jiu thought, feeling heady in all that hot water and the blood rushing to his cheeks. You did marry him after all, you dingus.

And his husband was very easy on the eyes, especially nude with his muscled body on display...

Oh dear.

*

"Water's hot," Liu Qingge mumbled, not quite looking at Shen Jiu, and red as tomatoes.

"Mm," Shen Jiu agreed; he was red as cherries.

They both soaked in the hot spring a little longer, not quite daring to get closer now that they were both naked, even though they were a pair of leeches in every other circumstance. They couldn't exactly... touch each other in a place like this? Could they? Imagine what they might bump into!!

Pervert, Shen Jiu hissed at his own subconscious. Just what did he think would happen! This wasn't a springtime book; anyone who attempted a dalliance in a hot spring would soon get their private bits boiled alive!! He was a cultivator, not a lustful pig!

"I - I'll get out," Liu Qingge squeaked and left the water first, Shen Jiu closing his eyes to give him modesty though he honestly didn't know why; they were married already!

Shen Jiu gave his husband enough time to get into some clean robes and dry his hair before he left the hot spring as well, shivering in the wet robe he'd put back on as he walked back to their suite in the dark with only the light from beyond the partition guiding him.

Shen Jiu had been on missions that didn't leave him this nervous as the moment he poked his head back inside and Liu Qingge handed him a robe to change into while looking away.

Shen Jiu did so while still on the veranda, stepping inside only once he was done and dumping his soaked clothes onto a basket for washing up later.

(God, but they were so awkward.)

They both distracted themselves by putting on their hair oils and ointments for the night, though Shen Jiu couldn't get it quite out of his head that both he and Liu Qingge weren't wearing anything under their robes, only a thin layer of fabric separating them from each other.

Was this... was this a good time to try something? They had just had dinner and a grand bath outdoors, and their bed was certainly large enough for anything they might want to get up to.

Shen Jiu looked furtively at Liu Qingge while he was combing out his hair. With his hair down and free of the formal dress and ornament of Cang Qiong, his husband looked fresh-faced and boyish all over again. And really quite cute, if you didn't know the abs of iron he was hiding under his robes.

Shen Jiu knew he wasn't as good-looking as his husband, not even if he actually tried to lean into the kind of subtly wanton appearance men used to leer at him for. But as he rubbed some cool mint cream onto his face and the back of his neck, he could feel Liu Qingge staring at him as well.

And staring for a while.

Maybe now was a good time to try his luck after all, Shen Jiu thought, and swallowed.

Chapter Text

"Do you... do you want to try something?"

They'd long since gotten into bed and lain next to each other, still wide awake in the dark when Shen Jiu finally broke the silence and regretted speaking aloud immediately.

He flushed with embarrassment, red from head to toe; just what was he thinking, saying something like that out of nowhere!!

Not nowhere, a tiny part of him protested. Qingge had been looking at him! They were married now, they were never going to just hold hands in bed forever, were they?!

Were they…

"Um." Liu Qingge’s hand was sticky and warm in Shen Jiu's own. He knew what Shen Jiu meant without having to elaborate. "A'Jiu, I..."

"Sorry!" Shen Jiu ripped his hand out and rolled to his side. "We don't have to. We don't have to do anything." He didn't even know where his own desire was coming from, nor what suddenly gave him the gumption now to try something like this…

"No! No, I want to," Liu Qingge cried out. Shen Jiu froze, then buried his face into his pillow, until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and his husband saying, almost timidly:

"A'Jiu, look at me?"

Shen Jiu wanted to die. Instead, he slowly turned to face Liu Qingge again, wrapping arms tight around his pillow as a crutch.

"I. Um." Liu Qingge was bright red too, even in the darkness of their suite. "Don't mind if you want to do something more. All we've ever done is kiss, but, uh..."

The apple in his throat bobbed up and down when he spoke, when he licked his lips and added, "It's not like I've never thought about it before... I've wanted to... with you..." His voice so thin it became a whisper.

"... really?"

Shen Jiu had never thought Liu Qingge even knew about sexual desire, much less felt it himself; he just seemed so aloof to that whole aspect of human nature, and for the better.

And towards him too…

Unable to help himself, Shen Jiu lowered the pillow and said, "What did you want to do with me?"

"You know." Liu Qingge couldn't even look him in the eye. "What married couples do. I've wanted to be like that with you for a long time. I just... knew we had to wait until we got married. Didn't want to dishonour you. But now..."

"You wouldn't have dishonoured me." Shen Jiu sat up in bed, put the pillow aside. He hadn't had anything like virtue in a long time now, but to think Liu Qingge had wanted to protect his, even then... "If you'd asked... I don't know if I would have been ready, but I would have let you."

Once again, he couldn't believe he was even saying any of this aloud. But he knew this now; Liu Qingge was the one, the only one Shen Jiu would ever give his heart and body and soul over to.

And in that case, Shen Jiu would give over everything. Even the parts of him that had never seen daylight, even the parts of him that were still shy.

"Wouldn't have wanted it then," Liu Qingge said instantly. "Not like that, I mean. Our relationship has never been about duty. Wouldn't want it to start then."

"Mm. Me either." Shen Jiu fiddled with his sleeves. "But I'm ready now. If you want..." His heart was beating so loudly he thought it might burst out of his ribcage any second now.

"I..." Liu Qingge didn't look like he was faring much better. "I - I do. But what about you? Do you..."

"Yeah," Shen Jiu whispered, looking down at his lap instead of his husband, the most perfect person alive. "I want to do what married couples do too."

"Oh - okay," Liu Qingge said, jittery relief in his voice, his trembling hands. "Me too.

"Then," he added. "Let's get started...?"

*

They'd never gotten beyond kissing before.

Sometimes even Shen Jiu wondered why; they'd had plenty of opportunities to do so between the time they'd gotten together and when they finally got married. He hadn't been away from the sect in all that time either. And they'd certainly gotten good at kissing and curling up against each other over the years...

It was just...

Was it that Liu Qingge was simply that much of a gentleman that he would never try anything without Shen Jiu's explicit and upfront permission?

(Yeah. Yeah, definitely.)

And as for Shen Jiu...

It was true; he hadn't been ready. Wasn't ready to think about himself below the waist, even with the man he’d loved since he was eighteen. Wasn't ready to think of himself as someone who had sex instead of it being forced upon him, just one more degrading form of torture...

Wasn't ready to ever think about being vulnerable like that ever again.

But now he was.

He wasn't the traumatised child who had burned down the Qiu Manor anymore. He was a cultivator of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, admired by many and adored by his husband. He had allies and friends, people who would defend him if he was slighted, people who would pick him up if he fell.

He had a husband who worshipped him and would kiss his very feet if he demanded it, who had never judged Shen Jiu for what he had done to survive, who respected and trusted and loved him no matter what…

And in the face of such overwhelming love, Shen Jiu knew he no longer had anything left to fear. Old habits might die hard, but even they would one day pass on.

*

"I want to kiss you, then," Shen Jiu said huskily, then crawled forward on his hands and knees towards his husband.

Liu Qingge stared at him with his pupils blown out as Shen Jiu straddled his lap, legs wrapped around his waist. Liu Qingge's hands settled awkwardly at his back, his husband swallowing when Shen Jiu gazed down at him and thought:

Well, it's now or never.

Neither of them had brushed their teeth after dinner, so they both tasted like the honey glaze on the roasted duck they'd eaten, but somehow that eased Shen Jiu's nerves more than anything else. When Liu Qingge licked the corner of his mouth and mumbled, "Sweet," unable to help himself, Shen Jiu giggled, and the two of them just stared at each other until they laughed.

"Qingge," Shen Jiu gasped into his husband's hair. "Qingge, I like you so much. I don't know how I ever got so lucky to have found you..."

"I'm the lucky one." Liu Qingge squeezed him tight. "A'Jiu, my soulmate, my Zhinu. There's no one else for me."

"Me too," Shen Jiu whispered, cupping his face in his hands. "Liu Mingjin, I love you so much. And to think you're mine..."

"Always," Liu Qingge said hoarsely, staring up at him with wide grey eyes. "Always yours, A'Jiu."

"Yeah," Shen Jiu said. "Always."

*

It became easier after that to untie each other's robes until they were bare again, with only their trousers on and nothing else.

Shen Jiu leapt when Liu Qingge touched his naked back, the warm palm of his husband's hand lying flat against the old scars there on his skin.

"Hm?" Liu Qingge kissed him on the collarbone, curious but patient.

Shen Jiu shook his head. "Just some bad memories. Don't think about them too much."

"I won't," Liu Qingge said. "Do you not want me to touch them?"

Shen Jiu shivered. "It's okay if it's you," he mumbled. "They're just ugly, that's all. Not my favourite part of myself."

"Every part of A'Jiu is gorgeous," Liu Qingge said, gravely as if he was invoking an incantation. "You know that, don't you?"

"I know. Don't be embarrassing..."

Shen Jiu’s breath hitched when he could feel something firm and rigid below his bottom - his husband's pillar, aroused and at attention.

His own was - ah, yeah. There it was, pressed uncomfortably against Liu Qingge's stomach and no doubt making its presence known to the other man. Huh!

"I hate how much bigger you are than me already," Shen Jiu said before he could stop himself. "Born perfect in every way, hm?"

"What! Why does that matter," Liu Qingge spluttered, though he hadn't been born yesterday either. "We're not doing that tonight! ... are we?" he asked, a sudden twinge of hope in his voice.

Shen Jiu glared, aghast. "No. We're not ready by a long shot," he snapped. "That's not the only way to get off either, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, my bad." Liu Qingge was still red as tomatoes. "A'Jiu, give your idiot husband a break, you know I don't know anything."

Shen Jiu softened up. "You're not an idiot, dummy." He pecked Liu Qingge on the mouth. "We can use our hands on each other. Or." He blushed. "If you want, I could..."

"What? What else is there?"

Oh heavens, did he really not know?

"I could use my mouth on you," Shen Jiu said. "Would you like that, Qingge?"

It took Liu Qingge far too long to understand what Shen Jiu was referring to. "You - you can do that? It's not dirty?" he stammered.

"You tell me if it's dirty; you're the one who cleaned yourself, after all," Shen Jiu said primly. "But if you don't want to..."

"I do! I mean, I don't know what it'll look like, but I'll do anything if it's with you. You know that."

"Yeah?" Shen Jiu grinned, feeling brave despite himself. "You want me to do something that'll make you feel good, Qingge? Is that it?"

"Ye - yeah," his husband said breathlessly. "When it's you, always."

"Okay." Shen Jiu kissed him on the corner of his mouth, climbed out of his lap after. "Then I'm going to do something that'll make you feel really good, I promise. You just have to tell me if it's too much and I'll stop."

"Okay," Liu Qingge said, ragged already. The likelihood of him actually doing so was nil, Shen Jiu knew, but it was better he at least know that backing out was a possibility.

(For both of them.)

Then it was time.

*

It was good, Shen Jiu reflected, that they were doing this in the dark, cultivator's vision be damned.

It meant that even as he reached for the drawstring of his husband's pants and touched his pillar for the first time, Liu Qingge holding his breath, that Shen Jiu could just... stare, and marvel at the behemoth attached to Liu Qingge knowing that the darkness would cover up most of his incredulity all on its own.

Just... how? His husband was an otherwise lean and slender man, just where had this monstrosity come from?

And the worst thing was, it was pretty too. Not bulbous and veiny and horrible-looking like most pillars, but smooth and pale with a hint of blushing pink at the head, as if it had been carved from mutton fat jade instead -

"Do you have to stare," Liu Qingge squawked.

"I'm not staring!" Shen Jiu hissed, mortified by being called out. His own small erection was painfully tight between his legs.

"Well, then, do something! Or - or not. Just don't sit there and stare at my dick like that..."

On second thought, maybe Liu Qingge could stay a virgin forever.

Shen Jiu ignored him after that, swallowing the last of his nerves down before he settled stomach-down on the bed with his head just above his husband's lap with his enormous pillar in his hand... and gave it a little lick.

"Oh!" Liu Qingge flared out his nostrils in shock. "A'Jiu, I..."

Shen Jiu opened his mouth and wrapped his lips around the head of his husband's cock, and sucked.

Liu Qingge buckled his hips instinctively, the man gasping above him. He tasted good. Clean, with just a hint of musk and nothing more. Shen Jiu ran his tongue across the light pink skin of the head and swallowed his saliva alongside the first drip of precome, stroking the side of the pillar with his hand.

"Oh..." Liu Qingge gasped. "A'Jiu..."

Shen Jiu sucked more, swallowing the cock deeper into his mouth until he could feel it press against the back of his throat. His own pillar was leaking with want, and he jammed his free hand down his pants and touched himself, all while sucking his husband off.

"Fuck!" Liu Qingge gasped, thrusting into Shen Jiu's mouth and making him splutter. "Shit, sorry - did I hurt you - "

Shen Jiu struggled not to roll his eyes. Now was not the time to be a gentleman, Qingge! He refused to stop what he was doing, instead grabbed one of his husband's flailing hands and placed it firmly on his own head.

Now keep it there, Shen Jiu huffed, and went back to work.

Liu Qingge got the point eventually and kept a decent hold on Shen Jiu's hair, even thrusting shallowly into his mouth as Shen Jiu made groaning sounds of approval in his direction.

He was still too gentle and timid by half, but considering it was his first time - and what other men were like - it was better that than anything else. Shen Jiu could tell him after how to improve and do better next time.

And besides. The small helpless, incredulous noises Liu Qingge kept making were good enough on their own. Shen Jiu licked up and down his husband's magnificent pillar with both effort and joy, enjoying the mild salty taste of him on his tongue, and caressed it with both hands, preferring to rut into the sheets instead for his own stimulation.

It didn't take long to make Liu Qingge come, and when Shen Jiu knew the man was close to climax he swallowed the pillar as far as it would go and sunk nails into his thighs so the man couldn't pull out as he came and spill seed all over his face.

His husband came with a punched-out sob and hands tight in his hair. Shen Jiu swallowed every drop of come and held Liu Qingge's pillar in his mouth even as it began to soften, even as his husband sagged over him and heaved, as if he had just come up for air from the ocean depths. He refused to let him go and didn't do so until he came to himself, jerking himself off roughly until his cock came in splurts and soaked his hand white.

Then he finally opened his mouth and out came Liu Qingge's pillar with a pop... flushed pink now, but immaculate still otherwise, with not a drop of seed left on it.

Shameless, Shen Jiu thought about himself; he'd swallowed it clean.

Really; he didn't know he had it in him.

*

Liu Qingge couldn't focus at all on the way back to Cang Qiong the day after.

Shen Jiu... his husband had really gotten on his knees and put Liu Qingge's pillar in his mouth... and serviced him. Done things with his tongue he’d never even known were possible.

And it had been amazing.

Just like one of Gugu's springtime books, Liu Qingge thought in a daze as he flew, then pinched himself. It had been much better than any of those filthy stories she liked to read in her spare time!

It had been real, for one.

Now, while Liu Qingge got the impression his husband thought of him as a martial-god-in-training aloof to want and physical desire, it just wasn't true. Just because Liu Qingge never talked about it didn't mean he hadn't thought long and hard about how beautiful Shen Jiu grew over the years, from the mischievous gleam in his jade-green eyes to his long, slender limbs that always cast such a riveting silhouette when he trained.

(In another life, he would have been a spectacular dancer. Wearing strips of gossamer red silk and nothing else...)

Liu Qingge had. Wanted. To kiss and hold Shen Jiu for a long time. Wondered, especially in those long years when his beloved was travelling away from the sect and Liu Qingge only had the memory of his scent to tide him over, what it would feel like to lick the sweat off his graceful neck. If, after one of their many tussles, he didn't climb off the other man but stayed on top of him... what Shen Jiu would do if Liu Qingge kissed him.

Did more than kiss him. Rutted against his thigh, and brought his mouth low to his neck. Would Shen Jiu have liked that?

Stared up at Liu Qingge, breathless and with his pupils blown out? Undid the lapels of his robes to reveal an expanse of sweet blushing skin and asked - no, told him to keep going?

He didn't know; he'd never dared. Liu Qingge had been taught since childhood there were some things better off left until marriage, and if anyone ever pressured him otherwise he need only dump the body somewhere and his parents would take care of the rest.

His mother, well aware of pitfalls, had taught him to source and brew a dozen anti-aphrodisiac remedies by the time he left for Cang Qiong, though Liu Qingge had been grateful he’d never needed to deploy that part of his training.

He didn't think anyone in Shen Jiu's life had done him the same favour before he came to Bai Zhan. Yue-shixiong might have tried, but he wouldn't have known much either before he left for the sect, and as for the bastard who owned Shen Jiu and abused him for years…

His husband had always been intense about preserving his modesty, about being physically close to other people. The scars were one thing, yes. If Liu Qingge had had them he wouldn’t want people gawking at them either.

But apart from him and Yue-shixiong, he couldn't remember Shen Jiu ever touching someone (and no, fights didn't count). Even with Shizun he was zealous about his personal space, nose always scrunching up when the older man patted him on the shoulder.

And to be sure, some people were just naturally reserved, but the way Shen Jiu had chosen to sleep in a damp cave alone for years rather than share a room at the dorms where at least he'd be warm and dry, even when he was injured…

It didn't paint a pretty picture. And while Shen Jiu had told Liu Qingge and his parents essentially everything about his past in the Qiu Manor, perhaps he hadn't told them everything.

Liu Qingge wouldn't make him. If there was something his husband was uncomfortable with, something he just didn't want to do, even when they were now ostensibly doing "married people things"...

It would be just fine with him. He was Shen Jiu's silly goose, not a pig. Not to mention…

His husband had always been good to him. It was only right Liu Qingge repay the favour.

*

Alas, as soon as they arrived back at Bai Zhan they were jumped upon by hallmasters demanding new lesson plans, cultivators demanding harder and flashier missions, and disciples demanding private training sessions with Shizun and Shen-shishu, so for a while they were so busy there was barely enough time in the day to scarf down a bite, much less get touchy-feely again, much to Liu Qingge's eternal chagrin.

This was all A'Jiu's fault, he thought good-naturedly one afternoon when he finally managed to escape his flock of monsters and make a detour to Qian Cao.

Who was the one who told Liu Qingge to look out for the runts of the peak, hm? To be an active and involved teacher to all of Bai Zhan, and not just the kids who could make it to the finish line on their own?

Liu Qingge couldn't even walk on his own peak anymore without being swarmed by an army of brats pulling at his sleeves begging him to show them some cool technique or train with them or even just what he thought of Cao Yu's latest (verbal!) stunt against the Qing Jing devils. Even if he just shook them off and told them to get moving they wouldn't relent, remaining clustered around him like ducklings with their mother and only scattering if the dinner bell rang or if one of their other teachers came to scold them for being late for lessons.

The worst part was none of those tiny monsters were even afraid of him, though he was the second most terrifying person on Cang Qiong after Yue - sorry, Zhangmen-shixiong.

(He'd have to get used to calling him that!)

Even though Liu Qingge had slain the Two-Headed Taotie Tiger as a youth, even though he'd killed score after score of demons and beasts and even come in second place at the Immortal Alliance Conference (first place went to his beloved, of course), in the eyes of his young disciples, Liu Qingge wasn't so much the fearsome Bai Zhan Peak Lord who made even demon lords quake in their boots at the thought of facing him, but a grumpy and easily aggrieved older brother they could pester to their heart's leisure without the slightest hint of fear or promise of punishment.

It had only been a month since Liu Qingge had formally become Peak Lord, but already Bai Zhan felt more like a school for wild children than the chaotic warriors' peak it had been before.

And yes, Bai Zhan had always had young disciples before (Liu Qingge had entered when he was ten!), but before they would stay quiet and follow a shixiong willing to teach them until they were strong enough to stand on their own. They were certainly never catered to, or made to feel like they were worth something before they could even throw a solid punch.

Maybe it was just coddling, what they were doing now. Liu Qingge had certainly thrived the old-fashioned way - climbing up the trial passage and making it through with broken nails and knees mottled with bruises, earning notoriety by fighting through his shixiongs at public matches, earning Shizun's attention with his kills on missions, by becoming the strongest person on Bai Zhan Peak by the time he was fifteen. The old system had worked for him perfectly.

... but it hadn't for Shen Jiu, who had been thrown into the deep end from day one, who would have languished with an unsuitable manual for years or even damaged his cultivation if Liu Qingge hadn't found him that fateful day in the forest. His husband was the most brilliant person Liu Qingge knew, gifted and hard-working and dangerously clever, but even he had been left to sink or swim on his own.

And who knew. In a world where Liu Qingge decided not to walk in the forest one day and never met the love of his life, maybe Shen Jiu would have come to the heartbreaking conclusion that he wasn't meant to be a cultivator anymore. Maybe he would have just left suddenly one day, and Liu Qingge never knew, never realised what - and who - he had missed out on.

Shen Jiu too, would have never earned Xin Yong nor become the champion of the Immortal Alliance Conference and won the jianghu's favour, nor reconciled with Zhangmen-shixiong…

It was a reality Liu Qingge simply didn't want to think about, and thank gods it had never come to pass.

But it could have, and all for want of a helping hand. And Liu Qingge didn't want the window of opportunity to slip by for Bai Zhan disciples present and future. So let the tiny tyrants swarm him and ask him every question under the sun, so they knew he was always available and willing to answer them provided he wasn't repeating himself; let them think of him as their gruff, semi-permanently annoyed teacher first and not some terrifying demigod they had to duck their gazes from whenever he was around.

(Let them know that he would always be there for them.)

Because, honestly? The fact that his disciples, his fellow cultivators and even the staff on Bai Zhan liked Liu Qingge? That when he and Shen Jiu had returned to the peak after their disaster of a wedding, they spent the next week being bombarded with people desperate to know they were alright, their home stacked ceiling-high with gifts of curative tea and medicine and charms as far as the eye could see -

It felt good. Real good.

Liu Qingge had had admirers before, people who fawned on him before he'd spoken one word to them in his life. As far as he saw it, hero worship was cheap. But care and genuine concern from one person to another was something else.

Once, Liu Qingge had only a single person he could consider a friend. He had never been good with people, so it was fine if Shen Jiu was the only person who seemed to understand him outside of his parents and his teacher. He didn't need anyone else.

Now he had a whole peak full of people who were like family. The hallmasters, some of whom had taught Liu Qingge himself, fellow cultivators of the same generation, the chattering gleeful brats who liked to give him white hair daily, the kitchen aunties who had always been kind to him and Shen Jiu and fed them even outside of dining hours.

And even outside of Bai Zhan - the other Peak Lords. Zhangmen-shixiong. His biaoge. People who cared about Liu Qingge, and whom he cared about in turn.

It was strange to think about. Liu Qingge had been on Cang Qiong since he was ten, had known he’d become a Peak Lord when he was fourteen. But it wasn't until now, more than a decade after a small and determined Liu Mingjin first showed up on Bai Zhan with bloodied knees and ruined fingernails, did Liu Qingge realise that the sect had truly become his home.

He had found his home, and his people too.

And he couldn't imagine sharing them with anyone but his A'Jiu.

*

Of course, the epiphany about his place in life was one thing. What Liu Qingge had come to Qian Cao for was another thing entirely.

As the medical peak, Qian Cao's library was the envy of other sects and the secular world alike. The vast building held hundreds of thousands of books and scrolls about anything tangentially related to medicine and the human body.

Which was why Liu Qingge had come. Because you'd think, right? That Qian Cao would have information. On sex. Sex between men, and things of that nature.

And it did. He'd found plenty of books on the subject matter. But dear god, none of it was what he was actually looking for.

Because! The authors of all these supposedly informative texts treated the topic like they were talking about mating wild pigs!

Liu Qingge read through scores of bloodless, insipid and thoroughly un-enticing words about sex between men, and instead of becoming inspired about his sex life with his husband, he was left bitterly wanting to become a monk overnight so he never had to hear about refractory periods again.

Obviously medical texts weren't meant to be titillating, but could they at least not take away his will to live? Please?

(Not to mention the illustrations, dear god. Was the man who was receiving supposed to look constipated the whole time? Someone had been commissioned to draw this crap?)

You cannot go back to A'Jiu with this bullshit, Liu Qingge told himself. He still hadn't been able to repay his husband for that glorious night at the inn. He'd hoped to come to their next feeling-out session with a little more knowledge and wisdom than before.

Unfortunately, he thought with a shudder as he pushed back yet another volume on the merits of below-the-waist grooming back on the shelf (why was this even a thing?! was this something you even needed to be told to do?!), as usual he'd have to figure it out on his own.

*

And then his cousin showed up, because fuck Liu Qingge, that's why.

"Qingge? Are you looking for something?"

Liu Qingge cursed as Mu Qingfang popped up suddenly between the aisles. "One of my disciples came running to tell me you'd been in the library for a shichen already, muttering and scaring people away." He raised a brow. "Which sounds about right. What are you looking for?"

"... absolutely nothing," Liu Qingge said, face smooth as stone.

"Uh huh." Mu Qingfang smiled as he came closer. "You are aware I know this place like the back of my hand, right? Whatever you're looking for, I can source it in a heartbeat - "

He then turned towards the shelf where Liu Qingge's hand had just been hovering, the general theme of all the books on said shelf, then said, "Hm."

And because he was a doctor before he was a human being (and therefore incapable of feeling a sense of shame and restraint when other people's suffering was involved), he then said, "And you still need help figuring out that part of your relationship? Haven't you and Shen-shixiong been together for years now?"

"I will kill you," Liu Qingge said without missing a beat.

"Oh, grow up." Mu Qingfang rolled his eyes. "If it's just knowledge you want, any of these books will do. You can borrow them if you want, actually. You're a Peak Lord, it's fine. I'll just have Shang-shixiong deduct the cost from Bai Zhan's budget if they get damaged."

Liu Qingge gaped at his audacity, then said, "I am not doing that."

"No?"

"No!" he said, outraged. "I want to make my husband feel good! To have fun when we're together! Reading this shit just makes me want to castrate myself so I never have to think about sex again!"

"... okay. Don't do that," Mu Qingfang said after a stunned moment. "Also, keep your voice down. I'm trying to train sensible people here."

Liu Qingge glared. "Does your fancy library even have one book on sex between men that doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out?"

"Probably not?"

Liu Qingge groaned.

"Look." His cousin sighed. "Qingge, if it's not so much information as well, knowledge of pleasure that you want, the books here won't be much help to you. You'd honestly have better luck going to a random bookshop and buying out their more mature section."

"Or," he added when Liu Qingge grumbled again. "Have you considered just talking to Shen-shixiong and figuring out what works for you together? Heavens forbid but I really don't think he'd turn his nose up at you for not having intimate knowledge of sex beforehand."

"I know that," Liu Qingge muttered. "I just..." He bit his lip. "Want to make him comfortable, you know? Don't want to accidentally put my foot in it or hurt him or..." He swallowed. "He's been through enough already. And I just want to be good to him."

His husband had lived through a lifetime of tragedy already and he was only twenty-three. Liu Qingge had vowed on the night of the Qixi Festival that Shen Jiu would never have to hurt again, to go without again. Good things would come to him from then on, and in bounty.

After all, he deserved it.

"Qingge..." Mu Qingfang's expression softened. "You've always been very good to Shen-shixiong. Surely you realise that."

"I could be better," Liu Qingge said. Not like he hadn't failed before.

"Yes? Either way, I think Shen-shixiong would gladly accept one of your failures in lieu of anyone else's 'success', " Mu Qingfang said dryly. "It's the same the other way around too, no?"

Liu Qingge's heart thumped. "Always.”

"So there you go." Mu Qingfang shrugged. "What you're looking for can't be found in a book, really - at least, not the ones in my library. Again, you could go to a bookseller too, if you want. But my best bet is still just communicating with Shen-shixiong and being sincere about where you are right now. Even if it means losing a bit of your mystique, I think he'd favour the honesty a little more."

"I… fine." Liu Qingge was thoroughly defeated. "You really are good at this," he muttered with grudging respect.

"I am, thank you." Mu Qingfang preened. "Also, now that you're done, get the hell out of my library. You're scaring the kids and they have an exam coming up."

Liu Qingge didn't need to be told twice. Though he did give his cousin the finger on the way out, just to keep him on his toes.

*

"... so the poetry contest is finally happening next week, and Cao Yu realised he might have finally stepped into a bear trap he can’t wriggle out of. He keeps asking me for pointers, as if that'll magically make him a better poet than one of Qing Jing's brats.

“Honestly, he deserves some egg on his face. He keeps pulling that Chu kid's ponytail even after all I’ve told him about not antagonising his sectmates. And Song-shijie even said she would attend, which means she’ll actually be evaluating everyone’s work and - Qingge. Qingge, are you even listening to me right now."

Liu Qingge didn't know for how long his husband had stopped talking and just stared at him when he finally jolted and came to again. "Uh yeah, definitely," he croaked. "Keep going, A'Jiu."

"... I don't think I will." Shen Jiu studied him with a cool gaze. "You've been zoning out the whole evening. What is it?"

"Nothing," Liu Qingge said reflexively, then remembered Mu Qingfang's words of wisdom right after. Communicate, moron!

"You..."

Shen Jiu narrowed his eyes and grabbed Liu Qingge's cheeks, pulling at them like they were made of dough. "What is wrong with you," he said. "You know you can't keep a secret from me even if you tried, so just tell me and let me help you figure it out - "

"It's the inn," Liu Qingge blurted out, unable to handle his husband’s disappointment even for a heartbeat. "Ever since that night, I, uh..." He stopped, flushing deep to the roots of his hair.

"Oh." Shen Jiu's expression smoothed over and he retreated, putting his hands in his lap. "You didn't like it?"

"No, I did," Liu Qingge said immediately. "I just... you were really good and I don't... I never even thought that kind of act was possible in real life... "

"Well, of course not. You’ve always been pure like that." Shen Jiu was red too, though from embarrassment or a deeper emotion Liu Qingge couldn't quite spot. His husband swallowed, not quite looking at him. "It's not like I know that much about sex either. I..." He hesitated. "Does it matter to you whether I'm a virgin or not? I can't give birth to an heir either way - "

"It doesn't." Liu Qingge heard the note of distress in his voice, grabbed his hands and kissed his fingers before things devolved any further. "A'Jiu, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Well, you did, jackass." Shen Jiu sniffled a little, blinking away small tears at the corner of his eyes. Unable to think of anything else, Liu Qingge leaned forward and kissed the tip of his pretty pink nose.

"You...!" Shen Jiu jerked back, crunching up said nose in outrage. "Liu Mingjin, you bastard - "

He tried to pull his hands away too, but Liu Qingge held onto him, undeterred. Shen Jiu glared at him, looking so very teary-eyed and bullied, even.

(What a surreal thought. He’d have to remember that later.)

"I just want to make you feel good, A'Jiu," Liu Qingge mumbled, continuing to hold Shen Jiu's hands up to his own face. Shen Jiu froze, allowing him to keep going: "I know I keep saying the wrong thing. I just don't know anything about anything, and that's not the same thing as assuming you know everything. It's just - " He pursed his lips. "I feel like such a dumb clod next to you sometimes. I might be the Peak Lord but I know I'd be nowhere without you."

"Not true," Shen Jiu whispered.

"It is," Liu Qingge said. "And it goes for this part of our relationship too. I want to do... so much with you. I just don't know where to start. How to make it not hurt, or upset you by accident." He hesitated. "Like I'm doing now."

"It's fine." Shen Jiu dabbed at his eyes. "Qingge... you've never read a dirty book before? Or even touched yourself?"

"I mean..." Liu Qingge wasn't entirely sure if his gugu's books counted for the former, even if he may or may not have read a few of them front-to-back just out of curiosity’s sake. Definitely that. "I've thought about you at night before. I’ve thought about you a lot."

"Yeah?" Shen Jiu looked up at him shyly. "When you were in bed by yourself?"

"Mm." Liu Qingge nodded, throat parched. "Especially when we were apart. I would even sleep with your clothes sometimes - "

"Pervert!"

"I want you," Liu Qingge said.

His husband began to squirm again, yet this time there was a bashful scent in the air.

"A'Jiu, I want you," Liu Qingge repeated. "Want to kiss up and down your jaw and make you sigh. Want to pull your robes apart like a lotus flower and put my mouth on every part of you like you did to me and then some. Want to make love to you every night - "

"Okay, okay!" Shen Jiu ripped his hands away and covered his face. "You're horny, Liu Qingge, good for you. Dear god, I did not think you had this in you. Clearly I was a fool to assume otherwise."

Liu Qingge grinned, emboldened after his confession; it was so rare to see Shen Jiu genuinely discombobulated, and he wanted to push his luck. "What about it? Do you want me too?"

"I want to stuff a pillow into your mouth and make sure you never say another word again," Shen Jiu sniffed.

"A'Jiu...."

"Yes, fine! Yes, of course I want you," Shen Jiu yelled. "I sucked your dick, didn't I? The next time I do that I'm putting teeth into it, I swear!"

"I want to do that too," Liu Qingge said. "Can I, A'Jiu?"

"What, right now? No! I didn't wash, and besides I don't trust you in the state you're in," Shen Jiu huffed. "Just go to sleep already."

"But - "

"Enough, Qingge! I need to cool down too." Shen Jiu finally got up and left the luohan bed. "Don't follow me!" he shouted when Liu Qingge got up too.

"Just come back soon then!"

"No, I'm staying out all night!"

Tsk. Liu Qingge grudgingly stayed in the house while Shen Jiu fled, no doubt to dunk his head under a waterfall. His husband could be so skittish sometimes...

*

"Fine," Shen Jiu said the next evening after they returned home from the dining hall. "Do you trust me, Qingge?"

Liu Qingge's heart skipped a beat. "Absolutely."

"Then get ready to go out," his husband ordered, and dragged him into their bedroom to change. "Tonight, you're going to become cultured. And oh, no complaints until the night is over."

Were they going to have a date out in town? Liu Qingge and Shen Jiu changed into plain dark robes and swapped out their distinctive silver guans, both carved with the falcon sigil of the Liu clan, for non-descript crowns instead. They even put cloaks on and left Bai Zhan under the cover of darkness.

Down Cang Qiong's ten thousand steps they went and into the bustling city at night, Liu Qingge following behind his husband as he walked through the crowded streets at a brisk pace.

"Here." Shen Jiu stopped abruptly in the middle of a lively street, Liu Qingge almost crashing into him mid-step. "Just let me do all the talking, okay? The last thing we need is to get caught and have to explain what we were doing to Qi-ge. Oh, and put up your hood already…"

Liu Qingge didn't realise what he was talking about at first, distracted by Shen Jiu fussing over his clothes. Then he turned his head to the large wooden building they were in front of and saw the strings of glittering lights hanging from the windowsills above, heard the sultry music from within and tasted the cloyingly sweet incense in the back of his throat.

Right in front of him, too, and hanging above the entryway was a grand sign writ in extravagant gold paint: Red Warm Pavilion.

Oh, Liu Qingge thought, feeling heady already. His husband had brought him to a brothel.

And judging by the grim determination on Shen Jiu's face as he pulled Liu Qingge inside, neither of them were going to leave until long after dawn.

Chapter Text

"And what can we humble ladies do to make the esteemed gentlemen comfortable tonight?"

The moment the red-robed courtesan murmured those words, the scent of rosewater wafting from her gauzy layers and the glitter on the corner of her eyes shimmering in tandem with the hairpin dangling from her updo like a wind chime, Liu Qingge thought he would burst into flames right then and there.

Somehow, in less time than it took for a stick of incense to get going (much less burn out), Shen Jiu had ambled into the Red Warm Pavilion as if he was a lifelong patron, sweet-talked the wary greeter into booking them a lavish room on the second floor of the house, and not one, not two, but a whopping five women had come to accompany them for the night!

All who looked like they had stepped out of a watercolour painting for the occasion, with their richly patterned clothes and coquettish shy gazes that widened in shock and pleasure when Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge finally took their cloaks off and they saw the faces of just who they'd be spending the evening with.

Hey now, Liu Qingge thought, disgruntled, when one of the girls looked at Shen Jiu and then blushed under her white powder. Don't get any ideas here, he's taken.

(As for the bright and curious gazes peeking at him, he didn't care. He knew he was good-looking. So what!)

Liu Qingge had never been in a brothel before - never even come close to the world of perfumed flowers and women who sold their bodies for money.

(Some men, too.)

Any cultivator who spent time in a brothel deserved a beating, for indulging in carnal pleasures and straying from the immortal's path, from a life of cleanliness and virtue.

It wasn't that a cultivator couldn't fall in love or have sex, unless they were an ascetic, but they couldn't - at least they shouldn't - not with women like these -

Liu Qingge's thoughts hit an uncomfortable wall. No one - and definitely not his parents - had ever told him prostitutes were dirty people.

They didn't need to.

He'd known from birth he was different, hadn't he? The first son of the Liu clan, a gifted child with yang energy so potent he could rip a tree in half when he was six just to let off steam. His whole family had known he would become a Peak Lord the day he left for Cang Qiong. He simply had to grow up first.

He'd never been hungry in his life before, never been dirty without knowing he'd be clean right after and someone else would wash his clothes for him, had never worried about someone thinking he was dirty because of what he did to survive. No one had ever looked down at Liu Qingge from high up on their mountain and found him wanting just because he fed himself in a way that didn't please them.

(Didn’t everyone deserve that?)

Liu Qingge kept his mouth shut and his thoughts to himself as he watched his husband come to life among these beautiful women and make them comfortable, until the room was vibrating with energy and no one could take their eyes off of him.

"Jiejie, the brush strokes on your huadian are stunning," he said to one woman who was wearing a red lotus on her pale brow. "You must practice calligraphy, no? They're better than a master's!"

"As if this lowly slave is so educated," she murmured back from behind her translucent sleeve, smiling nonetheless. "I merely paint a little."

"Don't cut yourself short. I can tell your paintings must be exquisite."

Liu Qingge had never heard his husband wax on so poetically before, not even to the kitchen aunties who were the only group of women Shen Jiu spent time with otherwise.

He was also pretty sure Shen Jiu had never said the phrase "so pretty even the moon must hide its face when you step out at night" to him, and the man was the love of his life! What was even going on here?

And yet...

His husband was having a good time.

Liu Qingge realised that mid-sip through the cup of osmanthus wine he'd taken just to be polite; Shen Jiu was glowing, and not just from the attention from the women who realised early on they weren't going to get anything from Liu Qingge. It wasn't the wine or snacks they kept offering him either, though the sugar-fried peanuts were pretty good munching fare.

It was as if…

Earlier, Liu Qingge had compared Shen Jiu's ease navigating the brothel to a patron. But he couldn't be, not really. He'd come to Bai Zhan at sixteen and never done anything like that for as long as Liu Qingge had known him - and his husband would have told him if he had!

But what about before? Wu Yanzi had made Shen Jiu kill under duress in the past; what other terrible line might have he crossed with his reluctant pupil? Liu Qingge didn't know - and he wasn't going to force an answer either, not when the memories still haunted his beloved.

But whatever had led Shen Jiu to act so comfortable in a brothel, among its women, it definitely had nothing to do with how a patron might treat his favourites.

Instead, it was more like he was among friends.

Shen Jiu was among friends, Liu Qingge realised, when one of the women complimented his hands and he held them out for her to ooh and aah and even let her touch them as she asked what he used to keep them so soft!

"I make the cream myself," Shen Jiu said smugly. "You can't buy this stuff anywhere; it would cost ten taels a jar."

When the women groaned in disappointment however, he lifted a brow and added: "Luckily I always carry small batches with me in case of emergencies."

He turned his mischievous gaze towards Liu Qingge, who just raised a brow in query. Shen Jiu winked and pulled a qiankun pouch from inside his sleeve, the women gasping and whispering to each other when he took out half a dozen small wooden vessels from the seemingly empty pouch and held them out for everyone to take.

"Go ahead," he said. "It would be my honour if you tried it."

"The honoured guest is a cultivator?" one of the women asked.

"I am, yes." Shen Jiu smiled. "As is my husband."

Everyone turned to look at Liu Qingge, who again, just shrugged and ate another handful of peanuts. Yep, that was him, the silent eye candy on the arm and nothing more.

"Then..." Another woman began shyly, one who looked younger than the rest. "Can we ask why the immortal masters would come to an establishment like ours? Begging the master's pardon, of course..."

"Suiyu! You can't say that!" Someone scolded her. "Everyone has their reason!"

Shen Jiu grinned. "I agree. Men come to brothels for all and every purpose. Some for pleasure and some to pass the time, some to fill the void in their soul and because they have nowhere else to go. As for this one and I..."

He reached out and tugged Liu Qingge on the sleeve so they were practically hip to hip. "We came for your wonderful company, of course... and maybe a little knowledge if you'd be willing to enlighten us."

"Of course we would. But what could we possibly know that you already don't...?"

"I wonder," Shen Jiu said, and pinked.

Oh hell, he should say something, shouldn't he? Liu Qingge grabbed a small jar of wine nearby and downed it in a gulp, much to the shock of the girl next to him, whose jaw dropped. Whatever!

"We," he said, wiping the corner of his mouth, "just got married a month ago, we've both been incredibly busy with work and life in general... and we know nothing about sex. Absolutely. Nothing," he emphasized, even as Shen Jiu turned bright red and choked.

"So," Liu Qingge continued, ignoring his own rabbiting heart, "would you lovely ladies help us out so we don't embarrass ourselves or accidentally hurt each other when we try something? Please?"

He hadn't said as much as three words to anyone before then, and everyone in the room - including his husband, who had his hands over his face - had gone spluttering, then silent. But shit, they'd come this far already, hadn't they? No point backing out now, even if Liu Qingge also wanted to dig a hole just so he could bury himself in it.

"Um, something like that, yes," Shen Jiu finally squeaked. "Those were my thoughts exactly..."

Liu Qingge squeezed one of his hands in reassurance. "Look," he said to the women. "We're starting out from scratch and everything else I've tried to look up to help us," grimacing, "has told me pretty much everything but how to actually enjoy sex and make it good for your partner. You're not men, but..." He hesitated. "You'd know something? Right?"

"... we would," said the courtesan in red robes with a small smile. "The gentleman truly has a way with words."

"He does, doesn't he," Shen Jiu said, and pecked Liu Qingge on the cheek. "Isn't he amazing?"

*

The women brought out books.

With illustrations.

The next shichen was the most illuminating of Liu Qingge's life, as five thoroughly animated and semi-drunk courtesans let go of their previously elegant and gentle demeanours and began explaining to the newlywed couple with intense and graphic detail about sex between men.

Was it eye-opening? Yes. Embarrassing as hell? Yeah, also. But Liu Qingge swallowed down the mortification he felt as he was lectured on the proper technique of stretching a "chrysanthemum" (and why were they targeting him specifically! Did he look that much like a boor?!) alongside his osmanthus wine (which he'd gotten really fond of, actually) and just tried his best to remember as much as he could.

Hell, after half a shichen had passed Liu Qingge even began to think there was something to these spring books…

The only saving grace was that Shen Jiu was hearing it all from the women too, face flushed and hand tight in Liu Qingge's, lip trembling from barely suppressed laughter all the while.

It was past midnight when the women retired for the night - thankfully to their own rooms, and taking with them the ointment Shen Jiu had offered them prior - and they were left to their own devices.

Neither of them had the energy left to strip out of their robes so they just lay against each other in the red silken bed, Shen Jiu huffing quietly next to Liu Qingge in amusement.

"Well then, Qingge," his husband whispered now that the night was finally dark and calm. "Do you feel enlightened now?"

"I've reached nirvana, yes," Liu Qingge said flatly, and Shen Jiu burst into helpless giggles against his chest.

The heck, how was he like this when Liu Qingge had drunk twice as much? Liu Qingge tugged him closer and wrapped him in his arms, tucking Shen Jiu's head under his chin. "A'Jiu..."

"Mm?" He nuzzled his collarbone in a daze. "What is it?"

"Did you have fun tonight?"

Shen Jiu stilled, then lifted his head up to look at him. Liu Qingge gazed back with dark and curious eyes.

"I did," Shen Jiu said, and leaned in to kiss him. "How did you know?"

"You looked so happy." Liu Qingge cupped the back of his head, undid his guan with one hand and let his ink-black hair fall loose. "And you talked a lot. You do usually, but not like that. It was nice."

"It was," Shen Jiu murmured. "I missed it."

He let out a long slow breath and rubbed his eyes. "When I was younger... with Wu Yanzi, he would take me to brothels sometimes, when he wanted to sate an itch. I could have, too, if I'd wanted. But I never did."

He swallowed. "I've never wanted to lie with a woman like that. And even if I did - I don't know if I could, in a place like this."

"Mm." Liu Qingge stroked his back, let his husband keep talking.

"But the girls were always so nice to me," Shen Jiu whispered. "We would play games and drink and talk about things that didn't matter. Sometimes they would even let me dress up in their clothes and I could forget I was a murderer for a moment. I could just... exist in a pretty room like this, and forget about what Shifu would make me do tomorrow. And even if it was just for a night and they would never see me again, the women always made me feel like I was their friend. Like I could have friends."

Oh, his heart. "The ladies tonight were pretty good too. They really liked you."

"I like them too." Shen Jiu smiled. "And I know we shouldn't come to a place like this again, but..."

He drifted off, but Liu Qingge knew what he meant.

"A'Jiu," he said. "If you ever want to come back just for fun, you can. Everyone else can learn to keep their mouths shut."

"Really?" Shen Jiu boggled. "And what if I came without you and someone saw me? What if people thought I was cheating on you? What then?"

"You would never cheat on me," Liu Qingge said. "You love me more than life itself."

"I love you," Shen Jiu crooned, "like the moon loves the sun. You're so bright and dazzling it's hard to look at you sometimes." His breath tickled against Liu Qingge's cheek. "But you're so warm too, and so strong and constant. And just like the sunrise I know you'll always be there for me. Protect me, cherish me."

No one had ever spoken about Liu Qingge like that before, as if he had already ascended and become a god of martial warfare, or better yet, husbandly devotion.

"Zhinu," he whispered, overwhelmed by the depth of Shen Jiu's love for him.

"Niulang," Shen Jiu murmured with soft and languid eyes. "When did you become such a poet, you clever thing? Song-shijie will have to watch out if she's not careful!"

Liu Qingge just grinned and pulled his husband in until they were face to face, breath to breath.

"It's just easy to rhapsodize when I'm thinking about you. Anyone would kill to have you as a muse."

And then Shen Jiu kissed him, and they sank into the bedding and continued to kiss - and more, thanks to their newfound education - for the rest of the night.

*

"Thank you for coming today, Song-shijie."

Shen Jiu saluted the Qing Jing Peak Lord as soon she arrived on Bai Zhan with a flock of wary disciples clustered behind her - no doubt her former shidis and shijies, as the Qing generation had yet to hold their first disciple trials.

She inclined her head in greeting, tuanshan fan at her breast. "Everyone's been working so diligently at their poems since you decided to hold the contest and invite us; naturally, this master wanted to encourage their efforts. We look forward to hearing your pupils' work as well, Shen-shishu. All of Qing Jing is intrigued."

Ah, Shen Jiu thought with a fixed smile as he led her and her group of ducklings towards the open air pavilion where the poetry contest was being held. Cao Yu, you're fucking doomed.

Despite his initial heartlessness towards the boy's pleading for personal guidance before the contest (he who spake it must take it!), Shen Jiu had grudgingly given into the brat and spent most of his precious evenings the past week getting Cao Yu's literary knowledge up to speed as well as offering constructive criticism on what the boy planned to recite at the contest.

Which…

Look, there was a reason he was from Bai Zhan to begin with, alright? Honestly, after this event Shen Jiu just hoped the boy would still be able to look at a book of poetry again without passing out in terror!

"A'Jiu. Shijie." Liu Qingge popped up out of nowhere, greeting Shen Jiu first even though it hadn't even been a quarter-shichen since the last time they saw each other and the Qing Jing Peak Lord outranked them both.

"Shidi." She smiled in response, luckily not the type to take offense. "The decorations are exquisite."

“Yeah, they’ve been setting this whole thing up since morning,” Liu Qingge said casually, while behind him a small army of disciples were running around putting the finishing touches on the venue, setting up chairs and benches alongside tables loaded with cakes and fruit and nuts, stringing up ropes of night pearls on columns and poles even though it was still afternoon, and cramming every inch of flat surface with pots and vases full of lush blooming hydrangeas, blue and white and pink and purple.

Indeed, it was hard to imagine such a lush and delicate setting belonging to Bai Zhan of all places and not Qing Jing or Xian Shu - or that the people chiefly responsible for the decorations were a pack of excited and nervous teenage boys.

(Really, all Shen Jiu had done was provide the food budget!)

"We're glad you like it, shijie," Shen Jiu said. "The boys have been up all day and night getting things ready. Qingge, won't you show everyone to their seats while they wait?"

"This way, then." Liu Qingge led the Qing Jing Peak Lord and her ducklings towards their corner of the pavilion, where they sat down and a few began to nibble on the offered treats, but the majority either just conversed in low, cautious tones or pulled out small slips of paper and stared at them long and hard.

Looked like the kids on both sides were taking it seriously, Shen Jiu mused. While his tutoring sessions with Cao Yu hadn't been the most productive, he'd overheard Jin Ran in the library reciting his own work a few times, and Shen Jiu would stop what he was doing and just listen to him until he had finished.

He spied Jin Ran among the helpers now, putting together the grand floral showpiece at the front of the pavilion where the contestants would be speaking.

Shen Jiu watched in approval for a few moments, then turned his gaze here and there, then left the area entirely when he couldn't find who he was looking for.

In the end he found Cao Yu cowering in a small corner of the library, piles of crumpled paper around him.

Shen Jiu frowned, nudging the boy with his foot. "Hey. The contest's going to start soon; why aren't you helping the others?"

"What? Oh, Shen-shishu!" Cao Yu looked up at him in alarm, bags under his eyes; he looked like he'd been up all night. "The contest is today, huh? Ah..."

"Of course it is." Shen Jiu knelt down. "What is it? Lost your nerve all of a sudden?"

"What? No!" Cao Yu said. "Of course not, not when you've been teaching me so much. I just..." He grinned weakly. "Don't have the right poem to knock everyone's socks off yet?"

Oh god. "No one does," Shen Jiu sniffed. "You are aware this is a poetry contest where all the participants are teenagers, right? Don't get delusional about your opponents either, even if they're from Qing Jing; there's only so much a fifteen-year-old has to say about the world, jieyuan wannabe they might be."

"... yeah. I guess." Cao Yu's smile grew a little looser. "I, just, um... couldn't you have suggested an arm wrestling contest instead?"

"What was that?"

The boy cleared his throat. "I mean, Shen-shishu is very clever. The best."

Brat. Shen Jiu sighed, then pulled him by the ear.

"Ow! What the hell!"

"I remember," Shen Jiu said in a quiet voice, "the first time I talked to you. You were no taller than my elbow - " Cao Yu groaned in embarrassment. " - and your voice hadn't even dropped yet. But you were going on and on about how much you wanted to beat Qing Jing to a pulp. Egg their dormitory for insulting Bai Zhan's honour or something like that. As if our honour was indeed so fragile." He raised a brow. "Why do you think I suggested a poetry contest and not something like arm wrestling, or archery - something you'd almost be certain to win outright?"

"... because it wouldn't be fair to them?"

"Oh? Are you saying someone from Qing Jing would always lose to someone from Bai Zhan in a physical contest?"

"Well - no! But we fight and train all day, and they don't - at least, not like us. That's not their job." Cao Yu scratched his cheek. "But it's not like we study books and write poems all day either, so how is this fair to us either..."

"Isn't it?" Shen Jiu tilted his head. "I'm a Bai Zhan cultivator. I read and write a fair bit, don't I? Is there a rule saying I shouldn't do that?"

"No," the boy said. "But you're different."

When Shen Jiu said nothing, he added, "I mean, Shen-shishu, you came to the peak when you were sixteen and got your spiritual sword in less than two years! You won the Immortal Alliance Conference too, and got to visit half the jianghu and learn their secrets. I’m nothing like that! I’m just a knucklehead only good with my fists and…”

“Stop that.” Shen Jiu flicked him on the brow. “First off, whatever my accomplishments are now, I was hardly better at your age, so cut out the nonsense about me being inherently different and therefore too alien for you to comprehend. I didn’t know anything either, and I had to work my way up from nothing. You’ve been on Bai Zhan since you were twelve, so you actually have four years’ advantage over me.”

“But…” Cao Yu said, lower lip beginning to pout.

Shen Jiu shook his head. “The only difference between me and anyone else,” he said, “is that I’ve never given a shit about what other people think I should do or not do because I’m a Bai Zhan cultivator. I know my way around my sword, of course, but I also read and paint and collect pottery, and none of that has anything to do with whether it’s my ‘job’ or not, but because I enjoy them. You’re a cultivator too, Cao Yu, not a sheep. If you want to be a poet, you can be a poet. There’s no reason you can’t hold your head up high next to those Qing Jing brats and give them as good as you’ve got.”

“Besides,” he added. “What were all those evenings of study for if you didn’t think you could do it? You weren’t just wasting my time when you’d given up prematurely, were you…?”

Shen Jiu trailed off ominously with a stare.

Cao Yu gulped.

“No, shishu,” he squeaked. “Definitely not.”

“Good.” Shen Jiu ruffled his hair. “Now come on. Your martial siblings have been working hard for this occasion too; the least we can do is support them while we’re all here - Bai Zhan and Qing Jing.”

“Yes, shishu,” the boy said, and got up with shaky legs.

Shen Jiu led him out of the library, a hand on his shoulder the entire time.

*

The Qing Jing disciples went first, about a dozen or so disciples aged thirteen to eighteen, who had risen to the challenge set forth by their most unruly pack of shidis, and recited their self-composed poems one by one.

Some of them looked nervous in enemy territory while others stayed serene. There was one particular boy with a high ponytail who looked like he’d come to wage war, but they were on a whole, dignified and proper and put on a respectable showing for their teacher, who looked pleased by her students’ effort. Every single one of her ducklings looked at her after they were finished with their recital, and she in turn would give them a knowing look and tilt her fan to show what she thought of their piece.

Such subtle language was beyond Bai Zhan’s lot, of course, but the way the kids would flush happily as they went back to their seats said enough on its own.

All Shen Jiu could hope for was that his kids were absorbing a little culture while their shixiongs and shijies were around. For once the rascals had gone quiet and sat still like dolls; they didn’t fidget or make wisecracks while the Qing Jing Peak Lord was around either, and whenever they clapped in applause - only after Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge did so first - it was with frantic energy, as if they were letting out a breath for the first time in eons.

Silly brats; let them squirm if need be.

The boy with the ponytail went last, and he was clearly the best of the lot judging by how even Song-shijie’s gaze glimmered with curiosity before he spoke. There was a flurry of whispers from behind Shen Jiu, and he caught the undercurrent of a name before he turned his head and everyone shushed down.

So this was the infamous Chu Xiu, then. Cao Yu’s errant rival since childhood was a thin, pale boy with a stubborn pout to his mouth and a sonorous speaking voice.

And he was good. Very good.

“Well, we’re done for,” Shen Jiu heard someone mutter just as the boy finished, and there was a drop of silence before wild applause broke out from the Qing Jing section, before everyone else joined in. Even Liu Qingge looked impressed, and gave an inquisitive look to Song-shijie, who shrugged and smiled.

And then it was their turn.

Only around seven of Bai Zhan’s disciples had volunteered for the contest, and for most of those brave few, their poems could only be described as well-meaning. Shen Jiu clapped loudly nonetheless, but the brats’ spirits were shrinking one by one.

At this rate he’d be lucky to get any of Bai Zhan to look a book in the eye after this…

Cao Yu went second-to-last, white as a sheet as he went up to the front of the pavilion.

Despite his words of encouragement, Shen Jiu had expected the boy’s recital to be a disaster. He’d seen and heard enough snippets of the boy’s original work the rare times he was actually willing to share them to expect much in the way of elegance, cadence, or even a cognizant theme.

Not so easy when you can’t just browbeat an opponent to death, huh, he thought as the boy stammered through his opening with a face as red as hawthorns. Now you know anything worth doing takes strength and courage. Even this.

Still. The brat was one of his now, and he didn’t want to discourage him. When Cao Yu lost his tongue mid-sentence and darted a helpless look at Shen Jiu, he smiled and nodded. Keep going.

And because the little monsters couldn’t help themselves…

“Go, shixiong!” A young voice yelled from the back, making the audience jolt in surprise. “You can do it!”

Cao Yu’s jaw dropped at the outburst, and Shen Jiu shot an inquisitive look at Liu Qingge, who rolled his eyes but said nothing.

Let them figure it out, his husband’s gaze said.

That was right, Shen Jiu thought as he leaned back into his seat. For better or for worse, the kids had to be the ones who cared.

“Keep going!” Another voice said, and that was definitely Jin Ran. “You’ve got this!”

It was as if a dam had broken, and suddenly all the Bai Zhan disciples were shouting words of encouragement, wholly undeterred by their teachers shaking their heads at them from the sidelines.

See? Shen Jiu mouthed to Cao Yu when the boy looked to him for guidance yet again among the din and noise. You’ve got this.

The audience quieted down only when Liu Qingge cleared his throat, and then Cao Yu recited his poem from the beginning all over again and spoke the whole way through without missing a breath. It still wasn’t perfect, no. But his cadence had gotten much better, and he was smiling the whole time.

By the time it was Jin Ran’s turn and Cao Yu practically bounced back to his seat, whispering, “Shishu, I did it!”, Shen Jiu thought the kids might have finally gotten the hang of it.

See? Not so scary now, is it. Everything is surmountable; you just have to try.

Well, that and…

Shen Jiu turned to his husband and gave him a peck on the cheek.

(A helping hand never hurt either.)

*

Chu Xiu won the contest, predictably, and earned a nod of approval from his teacher, which made the boy crack a smile for the first time that day. Not bad.

Shen Jiu had somehow managed to get Zui Xian to cater for the occasion, and once the formality of the competition was over and people could relax, the pavilion became much more lively and chaotic, everyone excited for the food and to stretch their legs. Chairs were pushed aside, tables re-arranged, small groups went off to sit on the nearby grass with plates of food around them and so on.

It was hard to tell if disciples from both peaks were intermingling when the whole lot were in white with little to differentiate them. But as Shen Jiu walked by, he did spy a certain pair next to a column; Cao Yu holding half a dozen skewers of grilled meat in his hand as he offered one to Chu Xiu, who wrinkled his nose… then accepted it, and took a bite.

Huh.

Well, the rest of that was none of his business. Shen Jiu went to find Liu Qingge in the corner where all the teachers had congregated and found him with Song-shijie and a nervous Jin Ran between both of them.

“What’s happening here?” he asked dryly.

“Shen-shidi.” Song-shijie nodded. “I was about to ask Liu-shidi if he would allow this young man here to join one of my poetry classes if he was interested.”

Oh? Now this was something. “Qingge? What do you think?”

Liu Qingge shrugged. “It’s your choice,” he told Jin Ran. “But for what it’s worth, Song-shijie is a good teacher. You should try and expand your horizons while you can.”

“I think it’s a good idea too,” Shen Jiu said. “And maybe,” he raised a brow, “you can teach everyone a little something extra when you get back, hm?”

“It’s - it’s only a few shichen a week, it’s not like I’m getting married and leaving forever!” Jin Ran stammered, making Shen Jiu cackle and Liu Qingge snort and slap him on the shoulder. “But yes… if Song-shigu would be willing to have me…”

“This master would,” she said, dark eyes twinkling.

“Then - then I’d be honoured to learn!” Jin Ran saluted her and bowed low to the waist. “And - and thanks to Shizun and Shen-shishu for letting me have this opportunity too!”

“Hush you,” Shen Jiu said with a grin. “This is all thanks to your own hard work.” To think, the kid who thought he was too dumb to learn how to read had already come this far…! “Now go and talk to your friends, and let us old people be.”

“Yes, shishu!”

“We count as old now?” Liu Qingge said dubiously after Jin Ran scampered off.

“Next to them we might as well be crones already,” Shen Jiu said, and made Song-shijie laugh from behind her embroidered fan.

*

“Those little monsters are planning something, I can tell,” he said one morning at breakfast a few weeks later.

Liu Qingge coughed violently into his cup of tea and set it down on the table with a sharp clack. “And you’re saying that because…?”

Shen Jiu sniffed as he tore a mantou and put half of it on his husband’s plate. “They’ve been squirrelly and muttering to each other even more so than usual. Not to mention the constant giggling and running away whenever they see one of us - you don’t find that suspicious?”

“Somehow I think it’ll be okay, A’Jiu,” Liu Qingge said dryly. “At least they’re behaving, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Shen Jiu exhaled. Ever since the other disciples had gotten wind of Jin Ran’s twice-weekly visits to Qing Jing for poetry classes taught by Song-shigu herself, it was as if a new world had been unveiled right in front of them.

Disciples attending other peaks for classes weren’t that uncommon either, but Bai Zhan’s cohort were seldom involved in that kind of arrangement, considering the loose teaching style of the peak prior - not to mention the Qing Jing Peak Lord had personally asked Jin Ran to join her class, like she was scouting him!

Not everyone wanted to be a poet or scholar either, but it was good for the kids to expand their horizons just like Qingge said. Let them learn while they were still bright-eyed and eager and the world was their oyster, ready to feast on.

(Alas, Shen Jiu hadn’t seen Cao Yu in the library since the day of the poetry contest. He had, however, seen him on the Rainbow Bridge talking to Chu Xiu more than once before the brat caught his knowing eye and ran away with a squeak. Hmph!)

They finished breakfast in peace and got dressed for the day, helping each other as always. Shen Jiu wove braids into Liu Qingge’s hair and secured his ponytail with his usual falcon guan, his husband watching him with intent eyes as he did so.

“A’Jiu.” Liu Qingge’s arms were loose but comforting around his waist.

“Hm?” Shen Jiu murmured, not looking directly at him as he worked. “What is it?”

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

Shen Jiu lowered his arms to his sides once he was done and waited for him to finish.

“This whole contest thing. You encouraging the kids to branch out and really think about the kind of people they want to be, getting them to be good to each other… it’s great.” Liu Qingge spoke in a low voice, a faint smile on his lips. “I couldn’t have done that, you know? It would have never even occurred to me that things could be different, that they didn’t have to be the way it was before. That they could be better, until you showed me.”

“Silly goose, who do you think I’m doing this all for?” Shen Jiu looped arms around his husband’s neck and brought their faces close. “Qingge, you’re the only reason I care about this peak so much as it is. None of this would be so important to me if you weren’t important to me. Bai Zhan is where we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, so naturally I want to make it feel like home. Our home.”

“Yeah?” Liu Qingge whispered with shining eyes. “I guess we make a good team after all.”

“The best,” Shen Jiu agreed.

If they spent a little more time canoodling before leaving the house after that, then… nobody else had to know.

*

“Keep the blindfold on, please! You’re not allowed to peek or the surprise will be ruined!”

Of course, once they left the sanctity of their marital home they were immediately assaulted by a cloud of red confetti in their faces, the hell, and blindfolds tied around their eyes by a dozen skinny teenagers swarming around them and chattering non-stop.

Gods willing but Shen Jiu was glad he really loved these brats because in another life he would have just knocked them all down and torn them a new one. Instead, he just sighed and accepted his temporary loss of vision, trusting in the disciples to escort him and his similarly-blind husband down the stone steps without getting distracted and letting them fall to their deaths.

Why the kids had chosen to do this he didn’t understand, but the chatter and noise only got louder once they were on solid ground again, and they were led this-and-that way with no idea as to where they were headed, until finally someone said, “Okay, okay, they’re finally here! Everyone focus!” and another person who sounded like Jin Ran said:

“Shizun, Shen-shishu, you can take off your blindfolds now.”

Shen Jiu did so at once, catching only a glimpse of red throughout before blinking and rubbing his eyes to refocus.

“What in the world…” Liu Qingge said next to him, stunned. And once Shen Jiu opened his eyes again and saw what he saw, he knew exactly what he meant.

The entirety of Bai Zhan’s Main Hall was draped in red and gold splendour, from the rich drapery floating down from the ceiling to wrap around the columns like twists of mahua, rows and rows of tables laden with cakes and nuts and fruit, with a central table heavy with red and brown lacquer chests big and small, an enormous “double happiness” scroll in prominent view just beyond it.

The entire hall too, was lit with red candles and sweetly wafting incense… and by the looks of everyone present, half of Cang Qiong had shown up for the occasion.

Including its Peak Lords. As Shen Jiu’s gaze swivelled throughout the hall in shock, he saw Yue Qingyuan standing next to Mu Qingfang and they both gave him a wave and smile.

The hell, they were in on this too? See if Shen Jiu ever gave either of them the time of day again!

“And what the hell is all this for?” Liu Qingge said, lost. “We already got married, did all of you forget that?”

“We know, Shizun,” Jin Ran with a grin. “But your wedding got ruined because of that terrible Palace Master Chen - “

“Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“ - and you and Shen-shishu didn’t get to enjoy it as much as you could have.”

“Not to mention we weren’t invited,” Cao Yu said next to him with a pout. “We’ve been rooting for you and Shen-shishu since forever! If I’d been there I would have punched the old man in the face and let him have it!”

Shen Jiu coughed and grabbed Liu Qingge’s arm as the latter spluttered at the audacity of that statement.

“We just wanted to give you the celebration you should have rightfully had,” Jin Ran added. “We even asked the other teachers and Zhangmen-shibo for permission and they said it was okay!”

“... and you’ve been planning this for how long?” Shen Jiu finally spoke.

“Three weeks?” the boy said. “We didn’t use any of the peak’s budget, I promise! We used our own allowances for everything, and um, Zhangmen-shibo gave us a little extra - “

Oh, I bet.

“- and Rui-shishu said he’d bring food and wine for everyone if we agreed to hunt for him later - “

They’d even wrangled the Zui Xian Peak Lord into catering? Dear gods, these kids were invincible.

“You’re not allowed to drink,” Shen Jiu said automatically. “No one who hasn’t gotten their crowning ceremony gets a single drop or else.”

(There was a small wave of groans among the Bai Zhan section of the crowd, many of whom still very much hadn’t reached that stage in their life.)

“But,” Jin Ran said with hopeful eyes. “What do you think? Do you like it?”

Did they like it? Well…

Shen Jiu looked at his husband helplessly. “Qingge, I think they’re running the peak without us.”

“Seems like it,” Liu Qingge said in a deadpan tone. “Looks like we can go on that year-long sabbatical we were thinking about after all.

“I’m kidding,” he added when there was a huge gasp from the crowd. “We’re not going anywhere. But.”

But? Everyone was silent as they waited for his proclamation, the adults looking bemused and the kids growing nervous the longer he waited to speak. Did he actually not like it? Was he going to yell at them and make them run laps again? Had they actually screwed up after all?

“But,” Liu Qingge said, voice softening at last. “I guess A’Jiu and I can get married one more time. It’s not everyday you get to celebrate the best day of your life with your beloved, after all.”

Oh, Mingjin. Shen Jiu’s heart was a-flutter; look at the romantic he’d married! All he wanted to do was throw his arms around his Qingge and kiss him breathless all over again.

Instead, he gazed out at the audience. He could see Qi-ge and Mu-shidi with the other Peak Lords, yes, and Bai Zhan’s entire lot of cultivators, but also the kitchen aunties and stair sweeps and stablehands, teachers and disciples from other peaks, and everyone else who had come to celebrate their marriage today.

“We both love it,” he said hoarsely, attracting everyone’s attention. “And thank you for being here today. All of you. It - it means a lot to me.“ He could feel himself tearing up. “I never thought - “

Never thought people would care about him, would still know the truth of him and still love him after.

But they did. And he was loved nonetheless.

They both were. Liu Qingge wrapped an arm around his shoulder and let Shen Jiu sniffle into the crook of his neck. “Sorry, I - “

“Don’t cry!" Cao Yu said in alarm. “Here, take my handkerchief - “

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Shen Jiu waved him off, wiping his eyes on his husband’s sleeve instead. “Now come on, Qingge. Let’s get married all over again.”

“Yeah.” Liu Qingge kissed him on the brow. “Let’s.”

And this time around, the celebrations lasted all day and all night long.

*

The morning after had the two of them back in their marital bed, in their house (and who the hell had been the one to sneak inside and redecorate there as well?!) and exhausted, hungover, and sticky with last night’s efforts… that, and stray bits of red confetti they kept finding in each other’s hair no matter how many times they thought they’d sifted out the last few pieces already.

“Qingge…” Shen Jiu yawned against his husband’s bare shoulder. “Up yet?”

It was probably noon already judging from the viciously bright light streaming through their window, yet for once Liu Qingge was more lackadaisical than a sloth. “No,” he groaned, and Shen Jiu burst into a raspy laughing fit.

“Never knew Rui-shidi's booze could actually knock you out of all people,” he giggled. “Not going to chug like that anymore, are you?”

“Never going near that shit ever again,” Liu Qingge wheezed, making Shen Jiu just laugh harder. “Just wanna sleep for a week right now…”

“Yeah?” Shen Jiu traced the lines of his beautiful face with a finger. “We can do that, you know. Seems like the kids can handle themselves for a while. Not to mention you deserve it.”

“I deserve you.” Liu Qingge wrapped arms around his waist and buried his face into Shen Jiu’s chest. “How about that, hm?”

“You can have me,” Shen Jiu murmured. “Over and over again…”

(Qingge had been very enthusiastic about finally losing his virginity last night and he’d taken his lessons from the ladies at the Red Warm Pavilion to heart. Very much so!)

His husband lifted his head, gazing at him with sleepy grey eyes. Shen Jiu almost cooed; Qingge was just so cute with his hair down, it made him want to eat him up all over again.

So he did, and had his fill along the way.

(They didn’t get out of bed for at least three days straight.)

*

“Thank you for coming to the recital tonight, Liu-shishu, Shen-shishu,” Chu Xiu said stiffly with his hands behind his back. “All the Qing Jing seniors will be performing, and Shizun too.”

“Thanks for inviting us,” Liu Qingge said with a nod and a hand at Shen Jiu’s back.

“We’re glad to join you, Chu-shizhi,” Shen Jiu said warmly. “As are your martial siblings. Right?”

“Thank you for inviting us, Chu-shixiong,” a chorus of voices said in tandem behind him; more of Bai Zhan’s youth who could use a little culture and horizon-expanding.

(That, and getting to tour their friends’ peak first-hand!)

“It’s no trouble.” Chu Xiu smiled, already more at ease. “There are refreshments and snacks before it starts, so please feel free to enjoy them. The plum blossoms are also in full bloom at the moment, if you’d like to view them.”

“We’d love to,” Shen Jiu, and flashed him a smile of his own.

The kids were then set free (with restraint!) to talk to their martial siblings and eat and look at flowers while they waited for the recital to begin. Shen Jiu, too, walked around and took in Qing Jing’s flowering trees and sampled its delicacies and enjoyed the fragrance in the air with - who else? - his husband, his best friend and soulmate.

“You know,” Shen Jiu said offhandedly as they walked around. “Back when Qi-ge first found me, he actually said I could have ended up in Qing Jing. Could you even imagine me as the Peak Lord instead of Song-shijie?”

“You could have done it,” Liu Qingge said instantly. “You’d be good too. You’re already so clever and hardworking, and…”

“Yeah.” Shen Jiu smiled. “But then I wouldn’t have met you back then either, would I? Even if we became friends later, it wouldn’t have been the same.”

There were some things you could only learn about someone when living hip to hip together. And for someone like Liu Qingge, the more you got to know him, the more you liked him. Shen Jiu couldn’t - didn’t want to imagine a life where they only saw each other once every few months, where they never went on missions and shared a tent and sweets together… where they only saw each other from the outside looking in and never delved any deeper into one another, never gotten any closer to each other.

Even if there was a world where he became a Peak Lord and ruled his own peak like a tyrant… would Shen Jiu have been any happier? Any more at peace with himself or the people around him?

He didn’t think so. And thanks to an errant choice on the previous Bai Zhan Peak Lord’s part and a boy who helped him out on a whim one day, he’d never have to find out.

“I love you, Liu Mingjin,” Shen Jiu said, taking his husband’s hands in his own as the plum blossoms drifted on the wind around them, accompanying them. “And I’m so glad you love me too.”

“A’Jiu.” Liu Qingge gazed at him with pure love and tenderness in his eyes. “Let’s spend the rest of our lives together, okay?”

“Yeah,” Shen Jiu whispered. “Yeah, let’s.”

They took the long way back and held hands with each other the whole way through, the echo of a guqin already in the air when they arrived at the pavilion to hear Song-shijie’s disciples play for the evening, and their own ducklings waiting for them too.

And while music and laughter and camaraderie flowed that evening like wine and honey, Shen Jiu knew just how much the world was full of hope and possibilities for him and Qingge, for the people they loved, and who loved them back in turn.

Truly for all of them, the best in their lives had only yet to come.