Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Freak flag:

A characteristic, mannerism, or appearance of a person, either subtle or overt, which implies unique, eccentric, creative, adventurous or unconventional thinking.

June 27th 

Chay was running down the street, trying not to be late. It had been entirely his fault for oversleeping. Damn Macau and his stupid suitcase! The younger would never understand how his roommate could forget the most essential part of travelling. Packing his belongings for a month-long trip to Chicago had apparently been one of the things the older had pushed so far back that he had panicked last night and started causing havoc in their small dorm.

“Really, Cau? I’m trying to study!” A sheepish, boyish grin had been sent his way. “Sorry, I forgot that I have to bring my study case and I need to leave some clothes behind to fit it all in.” Chay had rolled his eyes and closed his book on elemental zoology. It was a stupid course anyway and he would ace the exam the next day even without a last-minute study session. So he had simply gotten up from his chair and helped his roommate fit his entire closet (“Why do you need three pairs of shoes?” “Because!”) into the giant suitcase that probably would fit an entire person.

But no matter how sure Chay had been that he’d manage the exam, he had sat down after helping Macau one more time to study some taxonomic terms. Maybe he had been especially nervous because it wasn’t a written, but an oral exam. So now, running on five hours of sleep and a large cup of tea, Chay was sprinting down the hallway to get to the room in time. When he came to a halt in front of the office door, he leaned his hands on his knees to take a few deep breaths of air from the exercising. If his brother found out about this, he would coddle Chay and drag him towards the nearest doctor to make sure he was alright.

Even now, almost a year and a half after his bone marrow transplant, Porsche was behaving like a concerned mother-hen when it came to Chay’s health. He even tried to discourage him from doing some self-defense with Big, but Kinn had calmed the older Kittisawasd down, promising that the bodyguard would take good care of Chay. So the younger would just have to make sure that his hia would never find out about this morning sprint to university.

“Mr. Kittisawasd?” A woman’s head peeked out of the office and the addressee cleared his throat. “Yes,” he croaked and blushed, which made the secretary smile encouragingly. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll do fine. It’ll be over in thirty minutes.” With that, she beckoned the young man into the office where he was greeted by his zoology professor and a second woman who was ready to take notes. “Hello professors,” Chay waied at the people and was greeted back. “Good morning Chay, take a seat.” He was given a glass of water and his professor continued: “Before we start this exam I have to ask you if you are feeling healthy enough to take part?” Chay nodded and assured that he was feeling good. “Are you sure? You look like you are quite panicking, and I don’t know you like that.”

Chay really liked his zoology professor, no matter how little he understood the need to take the course when he was not studying veterinary medicine. Prof. Clu was a very nice man in his seventies who seemed to get along very well with Dr. Uhm. Chay smiled embarrassed. “No professor, I’m fine, I just overslept and had to hurry to get here in time. I promise it won’t happen again.” The man smiled in understanding. “I understand. Well in that case, should we start?”

Half an hour later, Chay left the building with a grin on his face. Not only had he passed the exam, he had gotten a perfect score, even earning the respect of the strict lady taking notes. The phone in his pocket vibrated and he smiled even more when he saw who was calling him. “Hello P’Kim!” He was quick to answer, and the rumbled “Good morning angel, why aren’t you putting me on video call?” made him blush and hide his face in his sweater paws. “P’Kim, I’m still walking down the street, it would look awkward to do a video call in public.” The older let him have his way and asked: “You sound like you’re smiling. Are you just happy to talk to me or did your exam go well?”

“Both! I got a perfect score! Prof. Clu was really happy with me and said it’s a pity that I’m not focusing on veterinary medicine.” Kim sounded pleased at that and congratulated him. “I’m so proud of you, angel,” he said, and although his voice didn’t carry the same loud enthusiasm as Chay’s, the younger knew that his boyfriend was looking into the air enamored and happy. “Are you on your way home?” “No, not yet, Dr. Uhm promised to help me with my genetics exam.” His lips curled up in disgust and he pouted. He hated genetics. Well, he actually liked it a lot and found it very interesting, but for some reason he couldn’t get behind all the terms and procedures.

Kim was quick to encourage him. “Hey, don’t worry, I know you’ll do great next week. You’ve aced all your other exams, this one will be just like them. It’s even multiple choice!” Chay whined while walking down the street towards the bus stop that would take him to the main family’s tower. “But the questions will be so much harder, and I need to get at least 70% to pass. 70%, P’Kim!” “You still have a week left to study, and Dr. Uhm will help you, don’t worry too much. And with your stupid roommate away, you can put all your energy into studying.”

Chay grumbled before saying cheekily: “I think Macau isn’t the only one distracting me from studying. I should me much gladder that you’re gone, P’Kim.” His comment earned him an offended gasp. “Excuse me?! Who called his boyfriend two days ago just to tell them they missed their smile, huh?” Chay threw his head back and laughed. “That was you, P’Kim! You called me!” Deep down, he knew that his boyfriend was doing this on purpose to distract him from his fear of next week. And so the silly “Uhhhh, no?” worked wonders and made Chay giggle like light bells at Christmas time.

Kim indulged him for another few minutes until Chay said: “The bus is coming, I got to go.” “Okay angel, call me whenever you take a break from studying. And if I don’t answer immediately, I’ll call you back as soon as I can.” “P’Kim! You should not take your job lightly! Your managers will be so mad at me!” Kim hummed in thought. “I don’t care. I’ll even have my phone on loud while I’m on stage, so just give me a call.” Before Chay could protest, he had made a kissing noise and hung up on the younger, who looked at his phone in shock before he smiled, shook his head and got on the bus, sending his boyfriend a yellow heart before plugging his earphones in and started his playlist.

Looking out the window, he thought about his boyfriend. Kim was currently in Tokyo for some recording business and a few concerts, and had been there for the past two weeks, the exact timeframe of Chay’s exams. They would have to endure another two weeks of long-distance before they could finally hug each other again. These four weeks would be the longest they had spent apart ever since Chay had run away from Bangkok in November almost two years ago. A lot had changed since then, starting with him calling his boyfriend phi again. The first time the honorific had slipped out of Chay had been a day after their final return from Norway, when Kim had been tickling Chay on his bed.

“HAHAHA, STOP, PLEASE, I’M SORRY KIM; IHEEEEEEQQQQQU,” he squealed, tossing and turning on the mattress. “Never!” Kim answered and doubled his efforts at making Chay laugh. “You dared call me a kitten, I will not let this disrespect slide!” Chay had in fact referred to his boyfriend as a cat when he had seen the older lounging on the mattress, smelling the freshly made bed and Chay’s scent after having just come out of a relaxing shower. “HAHAHA, STO- STOP PL-EASE; P’KIM I-” Kim instantly stopped his attack and looked down at the panting, red-faced man. His loose hair fell like a curtain around the couple, sheltering them from the outside, and he furrowed his brows, almost as if he were in pain.

Chay, not understanding what was going on, tilted his head to the side and asked what was going on. “You… you called me phi.” Oh. Instead of shying away and denying the truth, Chay embraced the situation and slung his arms around Kim’s shoulders. “Well, you’re my boyfriend, and you’re older than me, right? I should call you phi then.” The younger would have never guessed how much the little word meant to Kim, but the bruising kiss that followed made things very clear.

They were truly happy. And after that small word re-entered Chay’s vocabulary, many other changes had followed suit. Fifteen months and eleven days had passed since they had all sat together in the small cabin near the town of Voss. In that time, Chay had moved back into his parents’ house with Kinn and Porsche, and Kim was allowed to stay with them two nights per week. The young couple had rolled their eyes at Porsche’s hilarious request but hadn’t protested. In fact, Chay had been secretly happy for this guideline. He had found out that he was a true romantic at heart and wanted to take things slow to the point of almost getting bored with the pace.

He had feared that Kim would secretly be displeased with this, but the older had looked just as happy as his younger boyfriend when their brothers had unconsciously helped their relationship. Chay and Kim didn’t want to move in together. At least not for now. They didn’t want the monotonous trot of a relationship, and bathed in the feeling of dating and figuring stuff out. It felt almost illegal to hold hands in public, and Chay’s heart always skipped a beat whenever Kim would climb into his room through the window like they were in a forbidden love story. The older would always sneak out before their brothers woke up, and all nights were spend cuddling with clothes on and good-night-kisses.

That doesn’t mean that they weren’t passionate. Oh no. Although the young couple still hadn’t taken things very far in terms of physical contact, their make-out-sessions had turned wilder and more passionate over the months. They had let their hands wander and gently started figuring out each other’s bodies. Chay blushed when a particular thought crossed his mind. He might be ready for more by now.

After a few months of recovery in their house, Chay had eventually gotten accepted at university along with Macau. They were studying different programs – Chay being in medicine and Macau in computer science and programming – but they had begged their brothers to let them live together nonetheless. Even though most people would have preferred to live with their boyfriend, Chay wanted to get this typical university lifestyle that he had thought he would never get. First because they had been too poor, and now they were so rich that it had seemed ridiculous to dorm with a friend if he could have a driver at his disposal at all times. Once again, Chay’s internal fear of disappointing Kim had been completely irrational. Of course the older had curled his lips and said: “Live with Macau? Really?”, but he had only continued with: “He lives like a total slob and doesn’t know what a dishwasher is!”

And while some of Kim’s complaints had been totally hyperbolic and over-the-top, it was true that Macau was a bit of a messy person. Chay loved it. Loved living with his best friend, loved having a supportive family, loved that he could commute between houses whenever he felt like spending time with his brother, loved that he had managed to convince them that he didn’t need a bodyguard at university, and loved that Kim supported him in his desire of living a normal student life. Romantic relationships were important, but friendship was, too. And while Chay wouldn’t want to live with Macau for the entire duration of his studies, he thoroughly enjoyed the simple nights of eating popcorn on their beds and ranting about Vegas’ silk shirts that were practically useless in terms of fulfilling their basic purpose of providing decency, Kinn’s no-nonsense expression when he tried to control his chaotic family, Kim’s obsession with leather jackets and Porsche’s incapability of being a formal businessman. 

They also always had fun talking about their little trickery/lying spiel with Ida and Kjeld. Even now, fifteen months and eleven days after their final return, they were keeping up the game of switching Arm and Pol with Vegas and Macau. When the couple had visited Thailand last November, Chay, Kim, Tankhun and Porsche had the time of their lives watching Kinn frantically try to keep things in order. “Right,” he had pulled all of them into the big meeting room the day before their arrival, “let’s go over the plan once more. Arm and Pete, you are Vegas and Pete, and you are totally in love with each other, got it? Vegas, please, I don’t have time for your frowning and disagreement, from now on, you will be Pol for the next two weeks! No, Pol, you are Macau! Whenever someone calls for Pol, Vegas will have to go… yes Vegas, that means that you are a friend of Tankhun’s! Stop yelling at me, you do what I say! Macau! You are Arm, and you love watching series with my brother. Remember, you are allergic to peanuts… I DON’T CARE THAT THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT HIS ALLERGY, WE ARE DOING IT ALL THE WAY!”

By the time the couple had departed two weeks later to continue their tour around Southeast Asia, Kinn had had a migraine and needed to lay down in a sensory-isolation chamber for an hour to calm down again.

But other than this small incident, everybody around Chay, including himself, were having the time of their lives, and sitting in the bus towards the main family’s tower, the young man would have never thought that in a few days, he would fall down a pit of horror once again, maybe even worse than last time.

Chapter Text

June 28^th

“Come on Chay, you have worked enough already. Go get some sleep, or at least a break.” Chay didn’t look up from his study book and only shook his head. “Can’t, busy, exam in five days,” he mumbled, leading Dr. Uhm to roll his eyes and exhale loudly. “We’ve gone over these terms so many times now, I promise you you’ll be fine. You must be hurting your eyes from staring at the book for so long!”

Chay begrudgingly gave up on his studying and looked up at Dr. Uhm, who seemed to be relieved to having retrieved the younger from the depth of his mind. “There we go. Now come on, we have to go soon.” Chay furrowed his brows for a second before he remembered. The appointment with Dr. Led!

“Oh, yeah! Wait a second, I need to quickly get changed.” Dr. Uhm smiled when Chay started running around the small office of the infirmary to gather all of his belongings. How could Chay have forgotten? Ever since his transplant all these months ago, his visits to the hospital had become less and less frequent. They had been stopped last month altogether, but Dr. Led had taken a blood sample one last time to run it through the lab. The results were coming in today, and the entire family had been anxiously waiting for this moment.

Tankhun had tried to bribe Dr. Seek – his now boyfriend who sometimes joined them for movie night – into telling them the news sooner, but the poor man had just shrugged and said that the tests take a lot of time and there was nothing they could do but wait. Porsche had furrowed his brows, and Chay was sure that he had tried to get Arm to hack into the system and to get the information, while Kinn had tried the diplomatic way of bribing the hospital with money. All efforts had been useless. Almost as useless as Kim’s constant pacing around the room ever since they had taken the blood sample. The only people who weren’t as affected were Chay and Dr. Uhm. They had both been rolling their eyes at the impatience of the others, and Chay had been kind of glad when Kim left two weeks ago for his trip to Japan. At least now the older couldn’t keep ruining the beautiful carpet by stalking a never-changing path.  

Chay and Dr. Uhm let Big open the door for them, and the bodyguard escorted them to one of the sleek cars with bulletproof windows. “Thanks P’Big,” Chay bowed in thanks and the other knew better than to protest against the honorifics. If there was one thing that Chay was, it was stubborn. Even now, long after reconciling with his brother and the Theerapanyakuls, he held onto his principles. One of them was: don’t become a snobby brat that took others for granted.

It had taken a lot of effort and arguments to make the others understand that he wanted to use as little of their money as possible. Even though they had agreed on Chay paying them back for his university classes, Kinn, Kim and Porsche had on numerous occasions tried to dissuade the youngest. But his fierce glares usually managed to keep them away. However, Chay also had to make some compromises, and so he didn’t say anything when he found some rolled-up money in his jacket every once in a while. He had stopped protesting when Kim gifted him expensive things (although he had vehemently refused the offer of getting him a sports car after Chay had stared at Kim’s brand-new vehicle that wasn’t even being sold yet).

During the car ride, Dr. Uhm tested Chay on some terms for his exam and the younger went over his notes one more time because he simply was too nervous. The time passed quicker than the younger had anticipated, and before he knew it, they already stopped at the big parking space in front of the hospital. “P’Big, are you sure that hia and P’Kinn don’t know anything?” The guard, who wasn’t quick enough to open the door for the younger, nodded. “Yes… Chay… ” he seemed to have trouble swallowing the ‘khun’ but Chay was proud of the man for doing his best, “we told them that you would leave in five hours minimum. Pol is keeping them busy.”

The youngest sighed in relief. He really loved his brother and the rest of the men, but they were driving him crazy. So he had done something he wasn’t proud of: he had lied about the time of the appointment. For some reason, it hadn’t felt right to take everybody with him, because the news he would be getting might be a very negative one, and if that was the case, Chay wouldn’t be able to handle the heartbroken faces of the people he loved. So with little effort, he had told Dr. Uhm a week ago that he would like to go alone, with just the doctor in tow, and leave the others in the unknown for the time being.

Right now, sitting in the sleek and tidy office of the doctor who had organized the transplant over a year ago, Chay felt bad for lying to his family. They deserved to be here with him, but his conscience was holding him back. “Relax Chay,” Dr. Uhm said, noticing his fiddling. “No matter what happens, everything will be fine.” But what if Dr. Led had some bad news? Before he could voice his concern, the door behind them opened.

“Hello Chay, hello Dr. Uhm, sorry for keeping you waiting.” The two men got up from their seats and waied when the doctor entered her office. Dr. Led had a great posture of a woman who valued health and intelligence, and her smile was gentle while still remaining professional. She went around the desk and sat down in the swivel chair, looking down at the file she had brought with her and folded her hands above it.

“Great to see you again, how are you doing Chay?” He swallowed and answered: “Great, thanks a lot. I’m very busy with final exams and studying right now, so I’ve been having some headaches and neck pains. But I don’t think it’s because of the transplant!” he quickly added. The woman nodded in thought before she sighed.

“Well you know that around a year and a half after the transplant, we can finally say with certainty if it was truly effective. In the first time, a lot of things can happen even without noticing.” Chay nodded and bit his lips. He still remembered the first few weeks post-transplant, where so-called graft-failure had been the most dangerous side effect to look out for. He and Kim had only made up because the older had thought that Chay was dying from organ failure.

After graft failure had been ruled out indefinitely, the most dangerous part had been done. That being said, Dr. Led had advised him to stay cautious and not overdo himself for at least a year after the transplant. And he had! But… when the one-year mark had rolled around, and Chay had done an initial test, the results had come back a bit worrying. So the doctor had assigned him another four months of caution.

And boy had the men Chay was around taken that seriously! Tankhun had banned all sorts of pillow fights ever since the news had come out, Kinn had instructed every staff member stay six feet away from the youngest in order to prevent infections, and Porsche had nearly had a heart attack when he had seen Chay work out at the gym one day.

The worst of all might have been Kim. Well, maybe he and Porsche had been behaving equally worried, and they were actually strikingly similar in certain ways. Chay was sure that even if he had begged his boyfriend, Kim would have refused to… physically exhaust Chay. Their mutual decision to wait before getting intimate had been completely unnecessary, since Kim seemed to think that even lifting a foot was enough to cause Chay to get sick. The younger one of the pair had  to patiently explain to his boyfriend that making out wouldn’t kill him.

Chay noticed that he was biting and worrying his lips to the point of them turning sore. He wouldn’t know how he would stomach any more bad news. And even worse: how would Porsche react? And Tankhun? Kinn? Macau? Kim?

Dr. Led seemed to notice his fearful state and put the piece of paper with his lab results down before leaving back in her chair. “Tell me Chay, how are your studies going?” The young man froze in confusion before answering: “Good, Dr. Led. I… I only have one final exam left for this semester before the summer break and the internship.” The woman nodded. “Elementary genetics, right?” He nodded. “I heard from quite a few of our new colleagues here that this is a particularly difficult course. Are you studying for it?”

What did any of that have to do with his lab results? “Ahem, yes, of course. Dr. Uhm is so nice and helps me revise some terms.” He sent a quick grateful smile to the man next to him, who mirrored it. “Good, good.” The woman seemed to be deep in thought and Chay felt the need to speak up. “Please tell me the news, Dr. Led. I… I really don’t want to worry my family any further and if you have bad news, I promise I will slow down after the exam. I… I just really want to participate in the test next week, and not tell my brother and my family if the transplant hasn’t worked. Just five more days and I will slow down again, I promise.”

It appeared as if the woman could look straight through him. Like she had eyes that saw inside his brain to search for the truth in his statement. Before Chay could blink, she suddenly started to smile. “I see that you’re really dedicated to your studies, that’s good. And that you care about your family. But you shouldn’t lie to them about your health, Chay, because they are the people who can help you heal the most.”

Chay looked down, defeated. He was about to spiral down into an ugly mindset that tried to tell him that he deserved these bad news. He deserved to be unhappy, and he deserved that the transplant hasn’t worked.

“So,” the woman spoke up, much louder and enthusiastic than before, “I’m glad to tell you that you won’t have to lie to them.” Chay’s head whipped up and quickly landed on the piece of paper that Dr. Led had pushed over to him. On it were many terms and numbers that he didn’t understand, some that he had heard in his genetics course, but he ignored all of them. Instead, his gaze immediately travelled down to the bottom of the page, were in bold letters the following was written:

              Success-rate: 100%

He couldn’t close his mouth. It dropped open without his brain telling it to, and his vision turned blurry. That… that was… He felt a hand on his left shoulder and found Dr. Uhm looking at him with glistening eyes as well. “Congratulations,” he said with a tight smile that showed Chay how much the older had actually been worried for him.

A wet laugh slipped out of his mouth, and he looked back at Dr. Led, who looked very happy as well. “From me too. It sadly doesn’t happen very often, and my job is quite sad and depressing a lot of times, but moments like these make it all worth it. Congratulations, you are officially cured.”

Chay didn’t really know how he got back to the tower. Looking back, he remembered jumping out of his chair, needing to use all of the energy flooding through his body, and hugging Big, who had been quietly standing next to the door. He had then hugged Dr. Uhm and Dr. Led as well, and left it to the head of the Theerapanyakul’s infirmary to finalize some bureaucratic business.

Right now, he was sitting in the sleek black BMW that was slowing down at the driveway. He had been bouncing his legs throughout the entire ride, and before Big could fully stop the vehicle, the youngest had already opened the door and bolted out, reaching the foyer in record time. “Where is my brother?!” he yelled, completely ignoring his manners. His loud voice echoed through the high halls, and his feet made loud noises when he sprinted down the path towards the elevators.

He reached Porsche’s office in less than two minutes, but news must have travelled even faster, because his older brother, with Kinn in tow, was just getting out of the room with worried expressions on their faces. When they spotted Chay who was coming closer and closer, they froze. “Chay, what is goi- UFF!”

Porsche couldn’t finish his question when he was being tackled and thrown onto the corridor carpet by his younger brother. Chay buried his face in Porsche’s neck and stayed there long enough for Kinn to help his boyfriend get up and back on their feet. “Chay?” the mafia heir asked in a worried tone. The youngest pulled away from Porsche’s designer suit and looked at both older men. He then smiled wetly and whispered: “I’m cured!”

He could see the exact moment when Porsche realized what he had said. His hands slacked and his eyebrows drew together in painful happiness. “wh.. what?” he croaked out and Chay nodded quickly before starting to speak at record speed. “I was at the hospital just now. I was scared the news would be bad and I didn’t want to make you sad, so I just took Dr. Uhm with me, and then Dr. Led told us that everything has been turning around since the last meeting. I even have it here!” He wanted to pull away to get the wrinkled piece of paper out of his jacket, but Porsche’s hold tightened like a vice. He started to tremble and closed their distance until Chay’s face was back in the crook where his neck met the shoulder.

Chay didn’t know how long they were standing in the corridor. At some point, the two brothers had simultaneously pulled Kinn into their hug, and the two larger men made Chay feel small like a child. Tears spilled over and fears were let go off. The three then included Tankhun into their embrace, who had ran towards them as soon as Arm had told him the news. It was a jolly day.

Even better was the moment when the spontaneous party that Kinn had ordered for was at its peak. There was cake and music (Chay thought that it must be a good thing to be so wealthy that a three-tiered cake would be send over half an hour after order), and there was karaoke and laughter all around. They also invited Vegas, Pete, and Macau over, the last of which was spending his last night in Bangkok before his course trip to Chicago. Not even the storming rain outside – a downside of living in Thailand during rainy season – could stop the happiness and carelessness.

Three hours after the news had reached the main house, Chay had calmed down somewhat and excused himself to go to bed. He would usually go back to his and Macau’s flat, but the way was quite far and it was already dark. And while he didn’t like the tower much, he still had his bedroom upstairs, which he hadn’t used in a long time. But for tonight, Chay would make an exception, because as much as he had enjoyed the party, he had been giggly to do this final thing. He had flushed cheeks and his hair was askew due to all the jumping and dancing, but Chay was running down the corridor to get to his room as quickly as possible. He had one last thing to do. There was one person who didn’t know about the news yet.

The connection wasn’t the best, the video was kind of wanky and the audio could be clearer. But even on the small phone screen in Chay’s hand, Kim looked as handsome as ever. His boyfriend a few thousand kilometers away from him was mirroring Chay’s pose. Lying on his side in a king-sized bed, but while Chay was still wearing the outfit he had worn all day long, Kim was clad in his white sleep shirt – one of the few ones that Chay hadn’t stolen to keep for himself. It took Kim a while to get his unruly hair out of his face, but once he was done, the singer flashed Chay a smitten smile.

“Hi angel, what’s going on?” he asked with a tired but worried voice. “Did I wake you up, P’Kim?” Chay asked, ready to apologize. “Not at all angel, I couldn’t sleep all week.” Chay knew why. Kim had probably been the most worried about the lab results, and was the only one far away from Chay while they were waiting for them. “I actually set a timer on my phone, you know? I kept looking at the calendar all the time, and last week I set up a countdown.” Kim furrowed his brows.

“And according to it, you should be on the way to the hospital right now.” The implied question was there. Kim had been improving his social skills a lot, especially regarding privacy and snooping around for answers when Chay wasn’t ready to give them yet. There had been an instance at their one-year anniversary, when Chay had been acting weird all week and Kim had tried to get the younger to confess what was bothering him, until Chay had told him that he would only tell Kim if he stopped trying to get an answer for three days.

Kim had felt like a dog that was being trained, but he had kept his word and hadn’t interfered, until exactly three days later, Chay had finally admitted to being worried about what to gift Kim for their anniversary. It had melted the older’s heart and he had given the genuine answer that he didn’t need anything from his boyfriend. This response hadn’t been satisfying to Chay and so the younger had given Kim a handmade bracelet out of some old guitar-strings and leather. The older had yet to take it off, and Chay could catch a few glimpses of the jewelry on Kim’s wrist through the phone.

“Chay?” Kim reminded him of their conversation and the younger focused. “Right,” he said and fumbled with his fingers. “So… remember what we said about honesty?” Kim sat up in his bed and held the phone more stable before nodding, silently encouraging the younger to go on. “Well I may or may not have kept something from you.” He could see Kim tense and Chay was sure that he was ready to take the next plane home, damn his tour and contract. So Chay was quick to go on.

“I have already been to the hospital. I came back a few hours ago.” He couldn’t read Kim’s face very well through the small screen, but it looked like Chay’s boyfriend was bracing himself for the same bad news the younger had anticipated. Deciding to free Kim from the worry, Chay told him the same thing he had said to Porsche. “The doctor said that it worked, P’Kim. I’m cured.”

Silence. So much silence that Chay could hear the faint noises of the ongoing party downstairs as well has the quiet buzzing of his phone working hard to keep the connection. Then a shaky exhale and even shakier intake of breath. “Are you serious?” Kim croaked out, covering his mouth with his right hand, and Chay could very clearly see the bracelet dangling around his wrist. He nodded and whispered a confirmation.

Kim then lowered his head to the point of Chay only being able to see the black masses of hair, and then he fully dropped the phone onto the soft mattress to better cover the quiet sobs that left his mouth. “P’Kim, don’t cry,” Chay begged, tearing up when he saw his boyfriend breaking down. The younger could only see the ceiling in Kim’s room, and in the top left corner Kim’s knee was showing. “P’Kim,” Chay asked again and seemed to reach the older.

“Fuck,” Kim gasped and tried to regain his composure. “Fuck,” he muttered to himself before talking to Chay, still not picking up the phone. “Do you know how worried I was? Fuck angel, I really don’t wish this feeling to my worst enemies. I… I thought the worst could happen, I couldn’t sleep and eat and work. All I could think about were these lab results and your health, and-” Before he could ramble himself into a panic, Chay interrupted him with a gentle but teary voice. “It’s okay P’Kim, it’s all over now.”

They both needed a few more minutes to collect themselves, to get used to their most prominent fears being completely gone. It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off their shoulders, and breathing a deep breath of fresh air hurts sometimes. Once he was fine again, Kim took his phone back into his hands, his eyes puffy and red, probably mirroring Chay’s. They stole a few moments to just take the other in, and when Kim broke the silence, it was to tell Chay that “I love you.” Very simple, and some other person might have preferred a more eccentric declaration like I love you more than life or I love you so much it hurts, but to Chay, it was all he wanted to hear. So he smiled softly and wiped his eyes before repeating the words back to Kim. Nothing more was said, but the two of them kept their call for the rest of the night, falling asleep with the other one still on the line.

Chapter Text

June 29^th

His bones cracked when Chay managed to sit up straight after being hunched over his desk for many hours. He would have kept working even longer if it weren’t for the sound of his brother entering the house with a heavy sigh. “Do you need help?” Chay yelled from his seat at the kitchen table and upon hearing the strained “Yes please!”, he stopped his WIK-ballad playlist that he always listened to while studying to meet his older brother at the door.

“Wow, that’s a lot of files! Where is P’Kinn?” Or literally any of the hundreds of staff members that could have helped Porsche carry the three heavy boxes to the house. “Stuck in a meeting, uff!” Porsche lessened the grip on the boxes which dropped onto the floor with a dull thumping sound. “And even if he weren’t, I wouldn’t have asked him to help me.” Chay furrowed his brows and glanced at the files that were now covering the entrance area of the house. “Why wouldn’t you?”

Porsche pressed his lips into a tight line, clearly contemplating how to answer. “They’re… work related, and I think I’m technically not allowed to let them leave the tower. So don’t you dare snitch on me!” The final “Too sensible information” was murmured so that Chay had trouble hearing it. Oh, he thought before briefly wondering what exactly that meant. Mob-related, that much was for sure. But what kind of mob-related stuff… that was not something Chay wanted to find out, hence Porsche’s hesitance earlier.

Once Chay had come back to Thailand with them, there had been some major changes around the young man. And the first thing where he put his foot down was his involvement in the life of the mafia. As much as he would like for his brother and boyfriend to be completely legally working citizens, he knew that not only was that impossible, but he also had no right to demand them to simply give up their lives. So Chay had opted for the following: he would not take part in any meetings, he would stay as far away from the family business as possible, people had to be honest with him at all times, and no crime were to happen with him anywhere near. That last rule had been added belatedly when Chay had once walked into the tower (and ever since that incident, he had barely set foot into that building) for a movie night with Tankhun, and had promptly run into a group of guards who had been covered in blood and grime from “a job gone a bit wrong”. Movie night completely forgotten, Chay had pulled the men and women down into the infirmary to get them stitched up again.

“Oh, okay,” Chay simply said after some seconds of uncomfortable silence between him and Porsche, and the older cleared his throat. “You know what, go back to study, I’ll just bring these upstairs myself.” Chay shook his head and said: “Nonsense, hia, I’ll help you. It’ll go much faster this way.” With that, they both kneeled down onto the floor and put the files into their respective boxes. “How’s studying going?” Porsche seemed to be uncomfortable with having put Chay into the position of touching whatever information was in these files, and the younger tried his hardest not to think of whose names and illegal substances were listed in them.

“Good, actually. Dr. Uhm’s help really cleared up some stuff, and I’m sure I’ll pass the exam.” Porsche hummed happily. “four more days, then it’s all over and you have some well-deserved vacation.” Chay sighed blissfully. “Yeah, that’ll be great. I can’t wait for it.” Kim had actually been working overtime a lot (hence the busy tour and schedule in Japan this month) to get some time off while Chay was on vacation. They had planned on renting the cabin in Norway for the three months it would take for the new semester to start. July, August, September. The peak and late summer was a time that Chay hadn’t spent in Norway yet, and he was really excited to go on challenging hikes and kayaking trips with his boyfriend. A plus: he would skip most of Thailand’s rainy season which had started a few days ago.

“Gosh, look at you being all happy and in love,” Porsche teased him with an eye-roll that contrasted his bemused smile. The younger huffed pretend-annoyed and got up once he had filled one of the boxes to the brim. “Hey, I deserve that break, you said it yourself. And besides, next semester will be even worse than this one. So I got to relax as much as I can.”

Next semester would be the internship. Four months of assisting Dr. Seek non-stop before going back to university and handing in the detailed portfolio/report that would make up his entire grade of the term. He was really lucky that Tankhun’s boyfriend worked at a hospital and got him the job. Most students went to private offices or smaller clinics, and the odds of a big hospital taking a sophomore were basically nonexistent. But while Chay’s job would be much more difficult than his classmates’, he would get the opportunity of getting to peek into different areas of the hospital. And because they had to later specialize on the type of medical training they would like to pursue, Chay would gladly take this opportunity to get to know a variety of medical fields.

He could have technically also worked with Dr. Uhm, but the man had advised him to try something other than infirmity this time. Also, with Dr. Uhm being an independent doctor, it would be difficult to write his portfolio without including the type of people they worked for.

“Did you study all morning?” Porsche asked when he followed Chay into his office where they put the boxes down. “Since around nine or ten. I went to the airport earlier to say goodbye to Macau. P’Vegas and P’Pete drove me here afterwards. Oh, that reminds me, P’Pete asked me to remind you of the meeting tonight. He told me that you all meet at the minor family house this time.” Chay had no idea why the older men were meeting in the first place but he knew better than to ask. The answer would disappoint him anyway. Ever since Chay had been lied to by his brother and Kim, he had made his family promise him to be honest at all times, and knew that if he asked, Porsche would tell him about the meetings and agreements. But since Chay lived by the motto: what I don’t see isn’t there, he never asked.

“Okay, thanks for telling me. Do you want me to drive you back to your apartment?” Chay shook his head. As much as he loved the small messy space he shared with Macau, he still preferred to study in his family home. It was friendlier and had more space to walk around whenever he took a break. “No thank you, I think I’ll stay here and study a bit longer.” Porsche nodded, but before he turned around to work on a bunch of these files, he remembered: “Kinn and I thought it would be nice to celebrate your recovery again. Just a bit more quietly than yesterday. So… if you’re not too stressed about studying, we thought we could eat together? First we thought about a fancy restaurant, but maybe a nice home-cooked meal would be nice too? What do you think?”

Chay smiled and nodded. “That sounds great, thank you.” He then looked at his phone. Four p.m. “Uuuuh, what time does your meeting start at?” “Seven, and it shouldn’t take longer than two hours.” Chay thought for a second before saying: “Great, I will study for a while longer and then I can go get some groceries for dinner.” Porsche knew better than to offer to send one of the guards to the market, and gave a quirky thumbs up in agreement. With that, Chay closed the door to Porsche’s office behind him and went back downstairs to study.

The next four hours passed quickly. Chay went over his notes again and watched a few youtube videos on specific genetic terms and procedures. In the middle of it all, he took a quick break to call Kim to wish him good luck for tonight’s performance, and texted Macau whose connection flight in L.A. had been delayed. Before Porsche left the house at six thirty, the two brothers went around the kitchen to agree on what they needed for dinner, which Chay wrote down on a small grocery list. With a kiss on his little brother’s head an encouraging: “Don’t study too hard!” Porsche left for the meeting.

Chay looked outside and groaned. Why had he refused to let Porsche send a guard to the market?! Shaking this thought out of his head, Chay zipped up his raincoat and secured the hood to protect his head. Rainy season in Thailand lasted for a few months and while he usually felt peaceful seeing and hearing the splattering drops of water, Chay disliked going to the market at that time of the year. It was only eight p.m. and the sun was slowly starting to set, but with the hovering clouds, the entire town looked a bit darker than usual.

“God I’m really looking forward to Norway,” Chay murmured when he set foot outside the house and started speed-walking down the road. Their flight would be leaving in a week’s time, on July fifth, and he would meet Kim straight at the airport instead of spending a few days in Bangkok together. The singer had already packed his suitcase for the three months, and Chay would carry it to the airport with him, where Kinn and Porsche would take Kim’s Japan-suitcase back home with them. Even now, with water dripping down Chay’s cheeks and into his eyes, he couldn’t help but smile at the prospect of spending time with his boyfriend. Far, far away, in a country without rainy season.

The marketplace was full, and it took Chay quite a while to get through the crowd and towards the stand where he bought some meat and dried mushrooms. Feeling generous, and also wanting to see Kinn’s lips curl up in disgust, he also purchased a bag of dried cockroaches and other insects. The last trip went to a small supermarket where Chay let his rain hood down and sighed in content. He then looked at his phone and cursed. Already eight-forty-five. But before he could worry about not being there by the time his brother and Kinn were home, he saw that Porsche had sent him a message half an hour ago; by the time he had left the house.

              Hey Chay, sorry, but the meeting will take a little longer. I don’t know if we are going to manage dinner tonight. Raincheck for tomorrow? Are you already shopping?

Glad that the meeting had bought Chay some time, he typed a quick answer explaining to Porsche that it was fine, he was still at the shops and would make his way home now. They could simply use the groceries tomorrow. With the new time, he didn’t have to run through the store to fetch the almonds and some sugar. Even now, fifteen months and thirteen days after his last visit to Norway, Chay loved roasted almonds, and made the snack on every occasion that presented itself. He had even become quite popular in his university for being the guy with the nice exotic snacks and had made quite a few friends (or at least connections) because of the ice-breaker.

But when he got to the shelves, he saw that they had sugar, but no almonds. Contemplating what to do, Chay pulled out his phone to find the nearest store with almonds and found one that was just a few blocks away. After mentally preparing himself for the rain, Chay pulled the hood up one more time to exit the store to make his way there. He turned to the right instead of left where his home was, and tried to avoid the deep puddles of water as much as possible. It took him a few turns into smaller streets that were too narrow to fit the cars or busses, and the area was only sparely lit.

Just when Chay started to get doubtful of the navigation system, he saw the flashing lights of a small shop integrated into the façade by the sidewalk. The door opened with little noise, and Chay greeted the owner with a wai and the question where to find the almonds. The man was quite old, probably in his late seventies, and sat on a stool behind the register. “Just these?” he asked when he rang the item through, and Chay nodded. The interaction was short but not unpleasant, and after wishing the owner a good night, Chay opened the door with his elbow, as both of his hands were carrying the bags from the marketplace.

With his arms full and the rain now falling at high speed and density, Chay figured it wasn’t a good idea to pull out his phone to search for the way. But it had been easy enough to get to the small shop, and he was confident it wouldn’t take him long to find the way towards the main street. The only sound he could hear was the splattering rain and his feet on the asphalt, and he was sweating underneath his thin raincoat. Chay liked rain. He liked looking at it and hearing it. But feeling it? No thank you. This had been different in Norway. There, the rain and weather had been cold, and he had loved freezing and shivering because of it. The rain in Thailand was warm, but not as pleasant as a hot shower. The high temperature made the water an uncomfortable warmth, which caused Chay to get goose bumps.

And this was what Chay was thinking about when all of a sudden, he heard it. It wasn’t one sound, not one source. No. It was an orchestra of instruments, well-choreographed and precisely coordinated. It all started with the screeching of tires somewhere to Chay’s right. Too far away to see, but loud enough to be heard. Next came the gunshots. Four at first, fried one shortly after the other. Then came the answer, definitely from other guns, whose sound was louder and with more bass that hurt Chay’s ears. It must have come from the same spot of the screeching tires, but the gun shots sounded louder and echoed through the air, drowning out the sound of the cars.

All of that couldn’t have taken longer than a few seconds. By the time the second shot had been fired, Chay had found himself with his back pressed against the wall of one of the buildings. The bags forgotten on the ground, he crouched down and instinctively protected his head, like Big had shown him in the gym. Then: silence. Like the conductor of a philharmonic orchestra had stopped moving his wand, tensed up and called for a dramatic pause. Right now, the only thing that Chay could hear was his frantically beating heart. With his chin pressed down onto his chest, he imagined he could even feel the thumping in his bones. Far away, he heard the cars driving away, in the opposite direction.

Only when Chay was sure nothing else was happening, he slowly opened his eyes and looked around. The small street was deserted. No person around, and it almost seemed as if nothing even happened. His legs were getting soaked by the puddle he was sitting in, and Chay didn’t even know when his knees had given up on the crouching position. His entire calves were dripping in water, and the bags on the ground were hardly visible anymore. With shallow breaths, Chay took another look around. He had come from the left, where the small store was somewhere around some of the corners he had turned around. And somewhere to his right was the main street. The shooting had happened somewhere behind him, behind the building he was sitting against.

On shaking legs Chay stood up, with his posture still crouched. His right hand immediately dived into his pocket to pull out his phone; his first thoughts were call hia, call Kim, call P’Kinn. Help. What. Call hia. Kim. Guns. Shots. Cars. Where.

His fingers were trembling, and he took three tries to unlock his phone, only to notice that the rain must have soaked through the fabric of his clothes, effectively rendering the device useless. Chay saw his reflection in the black screen and noticed his open mouth that was panting in shock, the shivers that he couldn’t control and the liquid that definitely wasn’t rain tracks running down his cheeks.

But just then, when Chay couldn’t get his brain to function, the conductor set up for the final act of the symphony and swung his wand. On command, the voice was heard in the street. Cries and sniffles, as well as panicking hiccups and whimpers. Chay’s head whipped up when he heard it, and casting all reason aside, he jumped up to start moving. He kept close to the façade as he crept towards his right, where he came across a corner a few dozen meters away from where he had hid. Gathering his courage, he peaked around the wall for a split second before retreating. He didn’t see anything in this short time. So he went again, poked his head around the corner and clenched his fists to keep his composure.

Now that he took more time, Chay could see around the corner better and take the sight in more. He was looking into a small alleyway that led to another street parallel to the one he was on. These streets must form a sort of grid it seemed, with the shorter connecting streets being narrower and dirtier. There were no shops or entrances in this area, only dumpsters and fire escape ladders that led up the buildings.

The noise that Chay had been following came from a source that was invisible to the young man, but he had come much closer and identified the cries as female and definitely scared. But while Chay couldn’t see the person, he could see where she must be hiding. Because on the asphalt, some of the puddles were died red. A trail that was leading from the parallel street to some of the dumpsters reflected in the scanty lights of one of the walls. Chay couldn’t move. He stood there, locked and rooted to the ground, with a brain that was still trying to take in the scene unfolding before him. It wasn’t until he heard the small whispered “help” that he got his feet to move.

Rationally speaking, it was unwise of him to bolt around the corner, disregarding the fact that there could still be people around, but it seemed like his body was working on its own accord. With four quick steps, Chay reached the middle of the smelly street, and looked around the dumpsters. What he saw made him instantly crouch down and surge forward to get down to business.

The young girl couldn’t have been older than fifteen. Her hair was inky black and braided into two long strands that were soaked with water from the rain. And even though Chay was used to injuries and gruesome visuals from stitching up his brother and the bodyguards at the infirmary, Chay had to try very hard to suppress a gagging sound at the rest of the sight.

The first thing that he noticed was the large gushing wound on the left side of her stomach. The blood was spilling out turned pink where it mixed with the water and ran down her sides onto the asphalt. She was pressing down on it and heaving for air with every breath she took. The second thing Chay noticed was the fact that she was wearing very skimpy clothing. Her top consisted of only a black bra with lace accents, and her lower body was clad in what looked like a very skimpy black mini skirt. On it, Chay could see a number tagged onto the fabric. 835 14v. Before Chay could try to figure out what any of this meant, he pushed the hood off his head and gently but firmly pressed onto the girl’s hand that was trying to keep the wound closed.

Only now did she look up at him, and the look in her eyes was frightened. Chay was sure that if she had the option, she would try to get away from him, so the young man said in a soothing tone: “Calm down, I’m going to help you. We need to put pressure onto the wound, let me do it.” With that, he pressed their hands downwards together before pulling her hand away with his left one, until only his right hand was closing the wound. He gently placed her hands down to her side and shimmied out of his raincoat. It took a few seconds, but eventually, he firmly pressed the jacket onto the wound, trying to keep as much water out of it as possible.

“Hey, stay awake, you hear me? Look at me, it’s okay, help is on its way!” Chay’s ears were ringing, but he swore that in the far distance, he could hear an ambulance or a police car with ringing sirens. “Stay awake,” he repeated his mantra and the girl looked up into his eyes, inhaling deeply as if gathering the strength to speak. “Don’t speak, you need to save your energy. Hold on for just a few more minutes, okay?” The girl ignored him and with tears running down her cheeks, she croaked out: “Find family, tell them, love them.” Chay could only nod frantically. “Okay, I will, I promise, but you have to stay awake, okay?”

He knew that he was crying. His vision turned blurry, and he hated the universe. Hated it for making this girl walk down the street that seemed to have turned into a crime scene, hated it for the existence of guns, and hated it for making it rain so much that his phone had broken. But now was not the time for any of that. Now was the time to save this girl. “It will be alright, okay? I will fix this.” Chay didn’t know if he was trying to console the girl or if he was trying to convince himself of the same thing.

“Four men,” the girl heaved out, and Chay was just about to tell her to stop speaking, but she continued. “Truck, were talki-” she had to take a break to inhale more air. The sirens were coming closer and Chay looked around. “HELP!” He screamed, completely ignoring the fact that he was disclosing their position to any criminals out there. “AMBULANCE! HELP! WE NEED HELP!” Then, the sound got impossibly closer, and his heart dared to hope that everything would be alright. “Look! They’re coming for help, you’ll be fine,” he leaned down to make sure she heard him over the sirens.

“Star-ted shoo- guns,” she deemed to be in a delirium, not talking directly to Chay but staring away into the distance over his shoulder. Her face lit up in the neon blue of the ambulance that drifted around the narrow corner. Three men in reflective vests got out and started running towards the two young people by the dumpster. “I know, it’s okay, we’ll get you to the hospital, and they will fix this, okay? We will find who did this and they will be punished.” He looked up, was just about to yell for the paramedics that she had a gunshot wound in her stomach, probably in her colon or kidney, when she spoke up one last time. She only said one word before her eyes closed and her body lost all tension. “WIK.”

Chapter Text

June 29^th

Chay was sitting on a small bed, wrapped in a blanket that was covering his entire body. Underneath, he was only wearing a pair of cheap boxershorts that the hospital had given him upon his arrival. The police man had just left the room with a disappointed sigh and an encouraging: “If you remember anything else, please call us.” The card was laying on the small side desk, untouched.

The ride to the hospital had been quick. Very quick in fact. The three paramedics had rushed towards Chay and the young girl, and after a quick scan of the situation, he had been heaved away from her by one of them, while another kept pressing onto her wound. “Hey, you!” The woman that had been holding Chay had called for his attention. “Are you okay? What happened?” Chay hadn’t answered the question that had sounded dull inside his head, like he had been under water. He had just lifted a hand to gesture towards the corner where he had been standing when the shooting had happened. Then, a flashlight had been shone into his eyes and the woman had said to her colleagues: “He’s in shock, no visible injuries.”

The girl had been lifted onto a stretcher, and Chay had gotten up himself with the help of the woman. They had been put into the ambulance and the loud sirens had sounded dull and quiet in Chay’s head. Out of the corner of his eye, Chay could see other ambulance and police cars parking near the alleyway, but he had been too out of it to really notice anything other than the ringing in his head.

They hadn’t driven to the hospital where Dr. Seek and Dr. Led were working. Right now, Chay was sitting in a hospital much closer to the scene and much smaller than the one where he would be spending his internship. The walls were sterile and smelled like disinfectant, and upon their arrival, the young girl had been wheeled away to the right, while Chay had been pulled over by another nurse. It hadn’t taken long for them to examine Chay.

He didn’t really remember when the police officer had come in and had started asking him questions. He still couldn’t open his mouth to speak, so he had taken a little notepad and written down the answers to the questions in shaky handwriting.  

“What is your name?” Chay Porchay Pichaya Kittisawadsd. “Can you tell me what happened?” I was grocery shopping and heard gunshots. “How many gun shots?” Four. Then more. They sounded different. “Different how?” Darker. Duller. Then the cars screeched and drove awaaaay. I found her in the alleyway and tried to close the wound. “Do you often walk down that street?” No, I needed some almonds, and the market didn’t have any. I used my phone to get there. “Why didn’t you call an ambulance?” Chay pointing towards his water-damaged phone that the nurses had put into rice for him had been enough of an answer. “Did you notice anything suspicious?” No. “Did you see the cars when they drive away?” No. “Did you run into any people on your way to the shop?” No, I just saw the owner when I bought the almonds. “Was she conscious when you found her?” Yes. She must have crawled into the alleyway. Her blood was all over the ground. Chay had gagged and closed his eyes when the image showed up in his head again. “Did you two speak?” Yes. I told her to stay awake and tried to cover the wound. She then said the words truck, four men, and talking. He hesitated before continuing. And she said I should find her family and tell them she loved them. “Is there anything else you think could help us with the investigation?” No.

It had taken Chay quite some time to get out of the hospital. A nurse had asked if he would like to contact a relative, and he had been very conflicted. But this seemed to be his only way outside because he was sure that they wouldn’t let him leave without a guide. So Chay had nodded and taken the hospital smartphone, pretending to send off a text message. The nurse had smiled at him and had impatiently started stepping on the spot. It had seemed as if she was very busy and hadn’t had a lot of time. That worked perfectly for Chay, who gestured that the message had gone through.

“Perfect,” the woman had said, “when your contact is here, just come to the reception and we’ll get you discharged.” Chay had started to sweat. What could he do?! But then his spending time with the clever minds of Tankhun and Kim had seemed to pay off. After a few calming breaths, Chay stepped out into the ER and took a look around. The receptionists were busy. The room was full of patients waiting to be tended to.

So he quickly stepped in and looked for the most inexperienced worker. There were three women and two guys sitting behind various PCs and clipboards. Two of the women looked like they had been working here for decades, with fingers tying away at rapid speed. One of the men and the other woman were much younger, but also running around as if they had the place figured out. And then there was the final man. He was standing further in the back, and unlike his colleagues, he wasn’t wearing a light pink uniform, but a darker purple one. Perfect.

Chay swiftly walked over and handed the man his little paper bracelet, where his patient information was noted in the form of a barcode. Looking at the man expectantly, Chay turned around and promptly pointed at one of the men waiting by the entrance. Please let this work, he begged and tried not to let how much he was lying. The young intern gingerly took the bracelet and seemed to be looking for guidance by one of his supervisors, but they were all busy. So he slowly scanned the barcode and his relief was very easy to be seen when the screen seemed to show exactly what he had to do.

“Porchay Pichaya Kittisawasd?” He nodded. “You’re getting discharged?” Another nod. “And that’s your emergency contact?” He pointed over to the stranger by the door and Chay nodded and hummed. “Okay, ahem you need to…” the young man looked around frantically before finding what he needed. “You need to sign here.” With that, he shoved the piece of paper into Chay’s direction and handed him a pen. Jackpot! With a swift motion, Chay signed the discharge paper and turned around for the door, passing the stranger and sending one final look towards the intern, who seemed to be finding the correct place to catalogue the form.

Chay was glad that the bus was almost empty. It meant that he had enough space to himself. The events from earlier made his brain scream at him to find a secluded place, and so he took a seat in the far, far back of the bus. Just in time, he grabbed a pole and sat down before his shaking legs gave out. His throat was closing up and the lump was too hard to swallow, so Chay had to breathe through his mouth as much as possible. Calm down, he told himself. It is probably just a misunderstanding. Many people look like P’Kim. It was dark and raining. P’Kim isn’t even in Thailand right now!

Luckily, the water didn’t seem to have damaged the phone too much, and so he had been able to turn it on after just a few hours of it sitting in the rice. Now that it was back on, Chay saw that maybe it hadn’t even been the water that had made it shut down, but rather the lack on battery left. The scale showed 0%. So he only had a few minutes until it shut down again. So he quickly opened his messenger app and opened his contact titled P’Kim <3. He quickly texted a very short message.

              Hi P’Kim, I miss you, please send me a picture of you from the concert!!!

Just after the message had been sent, Chay’s phone screen turned black again. He would have to wait for an answer until he was back home.

The rest of the bus ride, as well as the short walk to the house, was spend with Chay repeating the situation over and over again in his head. The blood. The rain. The gun shots. One! Two-three! Four! Pause. Answer. Shot after shot. Screeching cars, at least one of them being a truck, if the little girl had said the truth. Four men talking. WIK. No, not Kim. Maybe a poster with his face on it. Maybe someone else with long hair. The little girl must have been mistaken. Blood. Stomach. Warm rain, warm blood. Find family, tell them, love them. The skirt and bra. The tag. 835 14v.

Before Chay knew it, he was back at the house. The white façade that looked so different to the one he had been leaning against a few hours ago. He stood there frozen to the ground. What should he do? How could he face his brother? Face Kinn? Tell them that a young girl had told him she had seen his boyfriend?

But his fears were not needed. The house was dark and empty. On the table in the kitchen were Chay’s heavy books and his laptop, and the lights were off. His first trip was upstairs to quietly open the older men’s bedroom. It was just as dark and empty as the rest of the house. The meeting seemed to still be in progress. So the next thing to do for Chay was to go into his own room. Where he fetched the charger for his phone. Back downstairs, he pugged it in and switched it back on, and while the brand logo flashed, he took a towel to dry the floor where he had entered the house.

The soft chi-ching indicated that the phone was done booting up, and Chay jumped towards the table where it was laying. The screen showed two new messages. One was from his brother and read:

                   Hi Chay, we will most likely only be back around midnight. So sorry!!! Hia will make it up to you!

Chay ignored it for now, much more interested in the message from his boyfriend. But when he opened the chat, Chay’s throat closed up again.

                  Sorry angel, I’m busy right now with interviews, but I’m going to send you a picture later when I’m in the car, okay? <3

Everything’s fine, Chay told himself. He’s just busy. Deciding that it would be best to take his mind off of things, Chay got up and finally get out of the wet clothes he had gotten from the hospital. But because his rain coat had been bloody and disgusting, let alone evidence in a crime, he had been left to walk back home in the hospital-issued shirt and pants. And while most of the time had been spend in the bus, the short way back to the driveway had been long enough to get Chay soaked.

Half an hour later, Chay’s skin was rubbed raw by the hot shower and the washcloth that had worried his skin free from the remaining blood on his fingers. All throughout the time, he couldn’t help but wonder what the girl’s name was. Who her family was and what she had been doing in the deserted alleyway.

He only put a fresh pair of boxershorts on. Not only was he feeling warm from the shower, but the warmth also reminded him of the feeling of blood and hot monsoon rain. If he could, he would open the freezer and sit down in the middle of the ice and frozen goods. His lips bitten raw, Chay started pacing around the kitchen. What could he do? Where could he find the girl’s parents? He needed to know if she had just been a casualty or if the attack had actually been on her. Chay remembered his own parents. Not the car crash, but the actual murder of his father. His mother had after all this time in the tower still not improved, and so Chay couldn’t feel any feelings for Namphueng. But still, he used to think that his parents were as innocent as could be, so who knows what this young girl was doing in her free time…

Chay looked at the open genetics textbook on the table and huffed. Who was he kidding? There was no way he could even sit down and pretend to study right now! So he packed up the things and carried them into his bedroom. He felt so lost right now. Who should he call? Who could he talk to? The closest person he could think of was Macau, but he was already getting settled in Chicago for the next four weeks. With a deep sigh, Chay went back downstairs one last time. He knew that he should at least eat something, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to swallow anything. So he just locked the front door and turned the lights off. Just as he was about to go back upstairs and try to sleep, he saw his phone lighting up with a new message. Chay raced towards the table and clenched the device in his hands. It was from Kim.

              Hi angel, here’s a picture from the performance, as promised 😊 don’t study too much longer, sorry it took me a while to get to the phone, I’ll tell you more about the interviews when I’m back home.

Underneath was a photo attached to the message that made Chay sigh in relief. It must have been taken by one of Kim’s managers, and showed the singer on a dimly lit stage. The person taking the photo seemed to have been standing on the far right, just before the stage, so maybe the manager had stood with the bodyguards. Chay could mostly see Kim’s profile where he stood on stage, holding onto the standing mic with his eyes closed while singing a heart-felt ballad. His boyfriend was wearing a black sequin top that sparkled in the spotlight, and the trousers had small ruffles going down the sides, giving the illusion of his legs being even longer than they were. Chay’s first thought was: Damn he looks beautiful.

And without a thought, with the first smile in hours, he texted Kim exactly that, which earned him a blushing emoji in return. All was well, Chay thought. It must have really been a misunderstanding. Maybe I even misheard her. Maybe she had said Nick instead of WIK. Yes! Maybe she knew one of the shooters from school! Maybe her classmate was called Nick! Or maybe she had said quick, as in it was all too quick for her to notice what happened! Or maybe she had meant to say kick! Maybe one of them had kicked the other one and the fight had been more than just gunshots! Maybe she had said sick and was trying to tell Chay that she had a disease just like he used to have! Maybe she had been trying to tell him that she needed a specific blood type!

It all started to make sense to Chay. How silly he had been. There was no way that Kim would be there, when in reality, he had just had a concert back in Tokyo! He was so relieved that he opened the messenger app again, ready to tell his boyfriend all that had happened. He would know what to do. The screen opened to the picture that Kim had sent him minutes earlier, and Chay was about to start typing when he noticed it.

He had to really zoom in and enhance the picture as much as possible. Because the photographer had stood off stage, probably near the barricades, and the sequins on Kim’s top were reflecting the light, it was hard to see. But Chay had seen it for a split second, so he had to make sure he had seen correctly. And with the picture enhanced to a quadruple of its original size, Chay’s heart dropped. It didn’t just sink, it fell onto the floor as if it were a heavy cup of coffee. It shattered on the ground when Chay saw it.

Kim was holding the standing microphone. His hands were wrapped around the pole in a gentle and elegant grip, and the long-sleeved top was a bit loose so it had fallen to the angled elbows, leaving Kim’s forearms bare. The forearms and wrists. His right wrist, where Chay’s anniversary present was absent. The bracelet made out of leather and old guitar strings, the one that Kim had vowed to never take off, it was… gone. As if it never existed. Why would he take it off? Chay thought. He knew for a fact that the older had been wearing it on every single concert and schedule as WIK ever since he had given it to Kim. Some fans had even noticed the consistency at which their idol was wearing this handmade item, but Kim had not answered a single question on what it represented.

So why now? Why would Kim take it off? A dark thought manifested in Chay’s head, and before he knew it, he was already upstairs in his bed, his laptop booting up with a rumble. Come on, faster, Chay was screaming on the inside, and once his desktop was showing up on screen, he didn’t lose a second and opened the messenger app online. He could technically do this with his phone, but it would take much longer and was way less user-friendly.

Once he had opened his chat with his boyfriend, he clicked onto the picture and downloaded it. While the increasing percentages were working the file down onto his computer, Chay opened another site. reverse image search, he typed into the search bar. He then drag-and-dropped the image into the website and clicked enter. The next few seconds were torture. And all Chay could think of was please don’t.

The screen froze for a second before it started loading a bunch of pictures at rapid speed. With a deep sigh and trembling fingers, Chay started scrolling through them. It was all very similar pictures from a huge database. Basically any picture ever uploaded on the internet that looked similar to the prompt were presented to Chay. They all showed Asian men with dark inky hair in black outfits on stage. Some were older, some had a beard, there were even a few girls with quite short hair. Some wore sequins and some wore satin, some were singing, and others were bowing.

Chay felt himself calm down when he didn’t find anything at first glance. But then… The outfit, the stage, the arms, everything. Even the angle. It was… it was the same picture. It can’t be, Chay thought and clicked onto the result, holding his breath. In a new tab, a twitter page opened, by a user named @WikkkSOHANDSOMEo.0

The specific tweet was written in Japanese, but Chay pressed the option ‘translate this tweet’, and the poorly converted message read: Oh my God kkkkkk I met WIK today he was so pretty and sang as beautiful than ever.

Underneath the text was the picture, but what made Chay gasp in horror was the date the tweet had been posted: May 16^th last year. There was the reason why Kim wasn’t wearing the bracelet in this picture. He hadn’t owned it back then! With his hands on autopilot, Chay scrolled to the very top of  @WikkkSOHANDSOMEo.0’s account. It was filled with pictures, gifs, and short interview clips with Kim’s face in it, content much like the one Chay used to post back then. The top tweet however was from three days ago. It was a short video taken at a Japanese airport, and the caption read: I’m so jealous of you all getting to say goodbye to WIK in person *sigh* I hate having to work. Thank you for the great concert @WIKofficial , hope to see you soon.

Chay didn’t even need to open the video to confirm what he would see: Kim wasn’t in Tokyo anymore. He had left Japan three days ago.

Chapter Text

June 30^th

Chay hadn’t been able to sleep for many hours last night. Nor had he tossed and turned in his bed. Instead, he had lain there motionless, with his eyes open. He had vaguely noticed his laptop running out of battery and shutting down, he had noticed the sound of the rain stopping at some point, had heard Porsche and Kinn creeping into the house at whatever time and take a shower, and had seen the sight of the sun creeping up the sky. The only indicator that Chay hadn’t died that night were his even breaths and the occasional blinking of his eyes.

If one were to ask Chay what had gone through his head that night, he wouldn’t be able to answer, because he didn’t remember it himself. But in the morning when he decided to get up after all, his head was hurting like it had been stuffed into a washing machine, and he groaned while holding onto his forehead.

He had heard Kinn and Porsche come back home, but it seemed like they hadn’t woken up yet, and Chay wanted to avoid running into them. So he quietly got dressed after the dizziness from getting up had faded, and decided to pack his university stuff into his backpack before sneaking out. Once he had closed the door behind him and was already halfway down the street, he opened his phone to fire a quick message to his brother.

              Hi hia, don’t worry about me, I decided to study at the library today.

Another lie. He wouldn’t set foot into the library. The celebratory dinner would have to wait. Thankfully, the bus that Chay needed to take was just stopping by, and so he got on and drove over to the hospital. He owed it to the young girl. On the bus, Chay sat down at the very back once again, his instincts telling him to protect his back where he couldn’t see. He was holding onto the hem of his black hoodie underneath the brown rain coat, and tried to concentrate.

Come on, just a little noise, he tried to tell his brain. But nothing. Opening his mouth didn’t work. Every time he tried to press air upwards to speak his throat closed up and locked in place. Chay had to inhale very deep, just like one had to when they resurfaced from a deep dive. But still, nothing. Ever since the alleyway, Chay… hadn’t spoken. Only made some basic noises like hums and moans, but real words? No. Not even after waking up this morning had he regained his ability to speak.

What is going on? Chay’s heart started beating faster and he realized he was slowly working himself into a panic attack, and so he closed his eyes and tried to go over his genetics mock exam questions one by one. Thinking about the girl’s name, his lack of voice, and the old picture Kim had sent him only made him lose his mind, but genetics questions? Yes, they were safe ground.

Standing in front of the hospital made Chay nervous. He had come here without any sort of plan, no information or general idea of what he was even trying to do. So why was setting foot into the building so damn difficult? A person bumped into Chay’s side and didn’t even apologize, far too concerned with getting his bleeding wife into the ER. This tiny nudge was enough to pull Chay out of his stupor. Now or never.

He stood at the far end of the ER, his back pressed into one of the white walls, and observed the people. The plastic chairs were mostly occupied, patients of all ages and genders sitting there waiting to be treated. It was very noisy. A little kid crying, an old man groaning in pain, the frequent announcements through the microphones, and the shuffling of nurses and doctors fetching their patients. Nobody took notice of Chay, who was trying to find a way of getting to where he needed to be. Where that was? He had no idea.

The shooting had happened at around nine thirty last night. About ten hours ago. Had they already identified her? Had they been able to contact her family? He sincerely hoped so and shook his head. Focus! Setting one foot in front of the other, the young Kittisawasd walked past the administration desk and turned to the elevators that were right behind the little booth. While he was waiting for the lift to arrive, he took a look at the display signs. Ground floor: ER and administration. First floor: Trauma surgery and intensive care unit. Second floor: Labor and Delivery, Children care and NICU. Fourth floor: neuroscience and Cancer Centre. Sixth floor:

Chay glanced over the rest of the floors. No, they must have administered her to the first floor. The soft ding preceded the opening of the doors, and Chay got into the elevator, pressing the number 1. The doors closed and Chay was met with a mirror front. His own face was staring back at him, nearly startling him. The rings underneath his eyes were dark and purple, and his skin looked pale and sick. The hood over his head did his best to hide the fact that his hair looked rumpled and messy, although he had taken a thorough shower last night. When he finished giving himself a once-over, Chay’s eyes landed back on themselves. The dark brown color of his iris looked dull and lifeless. His face lacked any form of tension, and he gave of the impression of being a mindless NPC in a video game.

Another soft ding indicated that the doors were opening, and Chay let out a relived breath when he wasn’t confronted with his own reflection anymore. The corridor that he walked into was wide and the walls were cream-toned. Looking to his left and right, Chay could see that the same image repeated itself: long corridors with electric doors wide enough to fit two beds through, with doors upon doors sprouting from the walls. A sign on the other side of the elevator, straight ahead from where Chay was standing, showed two arrows with descriptions:

<-trauma center and surgery – restricted area

intensive care and wake-up-rooms -> 

Knowing that he would never get access into surgery rooms, Chay had no other option but turn right and walk down the corridor. He wasn’t the only one on these floors, and was passed by many doctors and nurses who were speed-walking towards the rooms they were needed in. Chay took his time and looked at every door he passed by. Most of them had small windows and signs next to them, where numbers and letters were used to tell the staff who was laying in them. Chay walked past one room with the number 102, next to which was a little sign saying M92,cc,06.30.

He furrowed his brows. The room next to it – number 103, had a sign that read M47,ki,06.24. Chay thanked whatever deity was out there for having spent time with Dr. Uhm and Dr. Seek. Granted, every hospital worked differently, but some abbreviations were commonly used.

“Hey Chay, how’s it going?” Chay flinched when he felt the heavy hand slap onto his shoulder, but instantly relaxed when he heard the voice of Tankhun’s boyfriend. “Hello Dr. Seek, good, and you? I thought you were coming earlier. P’Khun has been pouting all evening.” It was already way past ten p.m., and the scheduled movie night had been postponed when Tankhun had received a message from his boyfriend. Dr. Seek shrugged in apology. “I know, I’m sorry. Was he very disappointed?” The younger shook his head. “No, just give him a hug and he’ll be fine. He had his fun giving P’Arm a manicure instead. But why did you come all the way right now? Don’t you have to be at work in the morning again?” Dr. Seek groaned and wiped his face with his hand before getting himself a glass of water. “Don’t even remind me. I could sleep for days.” “Really? Was it so bad?” The older nodded. “I couldn’t catch a break after four p.m. We had a big cc coming in and I was needed down at surgery.” “cc?” Chay asked and furrowed his brows. “Car crash,” he explained. “Or in this case, bus crash.” “Oh no! Did someone die?” Dr. Seek pressed his lips together and nodded. “Yes, two elderly women. But at least we could save the other twenty passengers.”

Cc. Car crash. One mystery solved. M92,cc,06.30. Next were the other parts of the riddle. M92. Probably male, 92 years old. Chay checked on the sign next door. M47,ki,06.24. yes, sex and age, then came the type of trauma. For the 47-year-old, that must be a knife injury. Chay had written it a few times when he was working with Dr. Uhm. Some of the guards had been clumsy during training and the supervisor had asked Chay to put it down into their files. The last information were the four numbers. 06.30 for the car-crash victim and 06.24 for the man who had played ninja with a cooking utensil. It took Chay a while to figure it out, but once he got it, his eyes widened. It was the date they had been admitted to the hospital! Month followed by the date! Today was June 30^th, so the old man must have been admitted a few hours ago.

That already helped Chay a lot. Now he needed to find a room with a female patient who had been admitted on June 29^th! With a newly-found vigor, Chay started walking down the corridor. He passed rooms with multiple patients inside, rooms with family members crying outside of the doors, rooms with no windows in the door. And then he saw it. A door just like every other one. Number 124. A little sign next to it. F14,gsw,06.29

Female, fourteen years old. Gsw. Gun shot wound. Admitted on June 29^th. Fourteen. She had only been fourteen years old. With a heavy heart, Chay risked a peak through the window. He could see a cutout of the room. A bed was taking up most of the room, but the headboard was covered by a little room-divider. Chay couldn’t see the head of the young girl, but her body was covered with a blanket. But what drew Chay’s attention were the three people around her bed. A woman was sitting on a little chair, directly in Chay’s line of sight, and she was pressing her head against her standing husband’s stomach. He couldn’t see her face, but Chay could see the constant trembles going through her small body.

The man that she was leaning against seemed to be in his forties, and his receding hairline and slumped added to the image of this being a broken man. And the last person in this room… was a little boy. Not older than twelve years old, holding onto the footrest of the bed. Chay imagined him having begged his parents to let him lay next to his sister, but they had denied him. SO now, the little boy, barely old enough to understand what was going on, had to hold onto his sanity. While the father’s face seemed to be trying to hold himself together for the sake of their family, the mother was in tears and crying over her little baby. And the brother… Chay’s heart broke when he studied his face… this little innocent boy, who should only know happiness in his life, his face was void of any emotion. He just kept staring at the bed’s headrest, which Chay couldn’t see.

Not being able to take it any longer, Chay pulled himself away from the door and dashed towards the nearest visitor’s bathroom. He made it just in time and threw up in one of the pristine porcelain bowls. Kneeling onto the tiles with his hands clutching onto the toilet, Chay let his tears run down his face. This was all so unfair. She hadn’t deserved any of this. The little boy would have to grow up without his sister, and the parents would never get to send her off to university. They would never see her getting her high school diploma, never witness her first heartbreak, never have grandchildren with her eyes. There would always be one chair too many at the dinner table, always pitiful looks from other families, and every year on her birthday would be spend in silence or getting drunk because they couldn’t take the pain anymore.

It hadn’t been her fault. She had her whole life ahead of her. So why… why was this gift from nature taken from her so ruthlessly? What had she done to deserve any of this? Where had her little guardian angel been when she had made the decision to walk down the street that night? What could Chay do to lessen her family’s pain? Deep down, he knew it. He knew what to do. So after having flushed the toilet, he went into the main part of the bathroom to wash his face and rinse his mouth from the bile. He purposefully refused looking into the mirror, not able to see his pitiful appearance.

Instead, he took his backpack with shaking hands and kneeled on the clean floors. His writing was messy, and he tried to not let any stray tears drip onto the paper. On shaking legs, he eventually got up and went back into the corridor, the same way he had come from. He stopped by the door with the number 124 and, without looking back through the window, passed the folded piece of paper underneath the door. He knew that it wasn’t much. But he had promised the girl that he would find her family and tell them she loved them, and he would rather die than break that promise.

He gently knocked on the door to get the family’s attention before walking away and blending into the masses of people that were travelling through the corridors. Only when he was by the elevators did he risk a look back. Just in time to see the door closing behind the father who had looked for a newcomer, bending down onto the floor and picking up the piece of paper. Chay left before anybody could see him.

Dear family,

My sincerest condolences for your loss and pain. I was the person who found your daughter in the street and tried my best to keep her alive until the paramedics got to us. I wish not to make any assumptions about your family, but I promised your daughter one thing: to find you and to tell you that she loves you. I hope you will find peace.

Chapter Text

June 31^st

The next day, Chay could still not speak. He woke up in the apartment he shared with Macau, and when he was about to answer Porsche’s call that had woken him up, he felt sick again and threw upon the floor next to his bed. He let the call run through to voicemail while he was still dry-heaving. Not even a simple “hello” could get past his lips. On wobbling legs, he made his way into the bathroom to fetch some towels to clean up the mess in the bedroom and kneeled on the floor with his phone in his hands.

The screen showed twenty unread messages, all from yesterday except for the last one which had woken him up. Most of them were by Porsche, but some were also from Tankhun and… Kim. Chay ignored the last one and opened the chat with his brother.

Hia <3

June 30th

Hi Chay, are you okay?                (13:31)

We’re so sorry about dinner last night, I promise we will make it up to you  (13:31)

The meeting just ran a little longer than anticipated.      (13:31)

You were already gone when Kinn and I woke up, are you okay?               (13:32)

We can have dinner tonight instead? Call me if you’re up for it.               (14:02)

Okay, I’ll let you get back to studying 😊             (14:02)

Do you maybe want to get breakfast together?               (07:12)

Hi hia, sorry about not answering, I’m actually quite busy with studying. Dinner won’t probably be an option at the moment, maybe after the exam’s over. I think I’ll stay at the library to study with my classmates.                    (07:22)

Good morning Chay 😊 don’t worry, we can do it whenever you’re free. Have a nice day and take many breaks       (07:22)  

With a heavy sigh, Chay opened the next chat with Tankhun. The older was asking – no, demanding – that he come over to the tower the next day, saying that “There is no way you can study productively the day before your exam. Come over and we will play some games and watch a series!” Unlike when he talked to Porsche, Chay didn’t have a bad feeling when he texted Tankhun. The older was always so nice and quirky, and Chay completely forgot about his inability to speak when he accepted the invitation. In his mind, he was just glad to be getting his mind off of the little girl and Kim.

Speaking of Kim, Chay hesitated opening their chat. But in the end, curiosity won over disgust, and so he clicked onto the little space next to bis boyfriend’s icon and their chat popped open. It was a very generic “good morning angel, have a great day, I’ll be thinking of you!” followed by too many kisses and heart emojis. Chay felt sick when he answered with an equally excited “You too phi!”. But he couldn’t get himself to send a heart when all he could think about was the fact that his boyfriend had very likely killed a fourteen-year-old two nights ago.

Chay closed his phone and stayed kneeling on the floor for a good five minutes. What should he do now? He couldn’t just pretend like nothing had happened! He needed… he needed… closure. Yes. Closure. He had to find out if Kim had in fact been at the scene of crime two nights ago, or if the odds had just been so unfortunate. With that thought in mind, Chay heaved himself off the floor and got his backpack.

He had originally intended on finding all of this out yesterday, but when he had come home from the hospital, he had promptly fallen asleep on his bed. The lack of sleep from the night prior added to the emotions in the hospital had worn him out, and he had only woken up over eighteen hours later at seven a.m. in the morning.

So armed with his laptop, phone, notebook, and pens, he made his way towards university. He knew that he would at some point have to go to the place where the shooting happened, but for now, he wanted to do some research online, and with the family having access to his laptop, he wanted to use the library’s computers to find out two main things: where had Kim been ever since he had come back from Japan? What had the police found out about the shooting?

The library was full. It was expected to be, given that it was the peak of exam season. So it took Chay a few minutes to find a vacant place with a free computer that was also located near a corner of the room. All hairs in Chay’s neck rose when he noticed that he would have to sit with his back facing the room instead of a safe wall, but he got over it pretty quickly.

Waiting for the computer to start felt like ages. But eventually, Chay was able to log into his student account and open the internet. His first path led him to twitter, where he searched for any tags related to WIK, and sorted them by ‘newest first’. Instantly, he was bombarded with little edits and clips, as well as pictures and gifs. Chay scrolled through most of them. They were all older products that the fandom had collectively agreed were the best of the best. But then, after scrolling for a few minutes, Chay found a tweet by a user named @WIK_IWI.04. They posted a picture that was so zoomed in that the pixels had blurred the content.

Thankfully, the fan had used a red marker and some heart emojis to circle what they were trying to tell the world. Oh my god I saw @WIKofficial this morning arwevfjhgqwkdgvcu3rf. He was walking down the street but didn’t hear me when I called him. So handsome kkkkkkk.

Chay clicked onto the picture. It was… blurry. Practically useless. It showed a man’s side-profile from the other side of a wide, wide road, and the motion blurriness and rain made it hard to identify if this was truly Kim. But one thing was for sure: the shops that the man was walking past had definitely Thai names. Chay looked at the timestamp of the tweet. June 30^th, 11:12. If this really was Kim, then this picture was taken a bit more then twelve hours after the shooting in the alleyway.

Chay copied the link to the tweet into a new tab and scrolled further. A day earlier, on June 29^th at 16:38, a user with the name @P’WIK’s_leftelbow had posted a different snapshot. And this one was undoubtably Kimhan, even though the angle at which the picture had been taken was a little weird. The person taking the picture must have been sitting in a bus or a taxi, and had filmed upwards into a café. The building had multiple floors, and up there, by the window, sat Chay’s boyfriend wearing a mask and was holding a book that Chay immediately recognized. It had a frog-green cover and had been a gag-gift from Tankhun for Kim’s birthday.

“Here, you got to learn something,” he had said with a grin while throwing the extravagantly wrapped box at his youngest brother. Everybody (sans Kim) had laughed about his annoyed expression for days. The title read: Social interaction and basic knowledge on the human mind, and had been a reference to Kim’s inability to be sociable. And two days ago at 16:38, a mere five to six hours before the shooting, Kim had been reading this exact book in a coffee shop a few blocks away from where it happened.

Chay’s jaw hardened and if they could, his eyes would have burned the picture to ashes. The caption read: OMG I was having a bad day in rush hour and we were stuck in a huge traffic jam when I looked outside and saw @WIKofficial ! My life is great again!

Yes, their life was great. Peachy. Perfect. Fabulous. Unlike Chay’s, who had no other choice but to come to terms with the fact that not only had his boyfriend lied to him about being abroad; he had also killed a fourteen-year-old!!!

Chay’s vision turned blurry, and he had to heave his nose before changing the tab. He really couldn’t deal with this right now. So instead, he typed in a few keywords into the search bar and sorting by ‘newest first’ once more. The results for ‘shooting Bangkok’ were instant and showed exactly what Chay had been looking for. He clicked on one online article from a day ago that read:

Four people dead, two injured at gang fight

At 21:37 on June 29^th, the police and paramedics were called to Vibhavadi Rangsit Rd. Multiple gun shots had been heard when a citizen notified the authorities that a behind a local restaurant, where according to a witness, nine men in dark clothing had started the violence against each other.

When the first responders arrived at the scene, the groups had already fled in a truck and two black cars, and no witnesses could identify the people. The police have yet to identify the criminals and the reason for their aggression, but upon their arrival, the police found four dead and two heavily-injured victims that are in critical state at the time of this article. “We do not know in what relation the victims stood to the killers,” a spokeswoman of Bangkok police informed the press, “or if they were just unfortunate to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

The police let all citizens know that caution is at the order of the hour, and that residents should stay inside as much as possible. “The crime scene in this part of the city has been increasing rapidly, and we are doing our best to find out if last night’s shootings are related to any of the known gangs in Bangkok.” Any questions regarding the identity of the victims were shut down by the police, but the press has been told that one of the victims had been missing for three weeks prior to the shooting. The clothing items let assume that she was part of a human trafficking or prostitution ring.

If you have any information regarding this incident or have seen anything suspicious at the time, please contact your local police department.

Chay read this article over and over again. There were several thoughts running through his head:

1. four people dead, two in critical state. That means that the young girl hadn’t been the only victim. Chay shuddered when he thought about the other bodies lying just around the corner from where the girl had not been the only one. Realistically speaking, it was obvious that Chay couldn’t have helped all six of them, but he… he could have at least tried! Should he have gotten up and looked around more? Leave her on the ground once he knew that all hope for her had been lost? Should he have tried saving a victim who had a slightly bigger chance of surviving?!
2. nine men. Nine men in three cars. One of them was probably the truck that the girl had been talking about. And the other two cars… had there been three parties involved in this fight? Was… was his boyfriend part of one of them?
3. prostitution ring. Human trafficking. Chay felt sick whenever his eyes glanced at these words. He should have known. Her skimpy clothes, her pretty face, the tag on her skirt… 835 14v, it had said. The sight had burned itself into Chay’s head since he had first seen it. He didn’t know what any of these numbers meant, but one thing was for sure: it had something to do with her… value. Or price. Chay recoiled when he realized that the 14 in front of the v had to be referring to her age. Her door at the hospital had included the same number. F14,gsw,06.29.

She hadn’t been an innocent bystander. Hadn’t come home from an illegal party with her friends like Chay had thought. She had been there. With them. With one of the groups. Maybe cramped in the back of the truck with some other victims. Other girls like her that were now part of the phrase ‘four people dead, two in critical state’.

Chay didn’t know how long he sat in front of the computer. At some point, the screen turned black due to the lack of typing and moving the cursor. Now, he was left staring at the blank monitor with his face looking back at him. Human trafficking. Prostitution ring. Local gangs. Black cars. Increasing crime rate. Local gangs. WIK. It all made sense. How could he have been so blind? His boyfriend was part of the goddamn mafia for fucks sake! And not just him! Kinn! Tankhun! Big! His own brother!

The chair he was sitting on felt too hot to handle. Like he was a tiger in a cage, Chay felt the need to get up. Get the fuck up and move. Walk out of the library. Pace around. Pull at his hair. Go back to the crime scene. Find out if all of this was true.

And so he did exactly that. With a jump that startled the students sitting next to him and earned him icy glares, Chay started moving. He ignored them all and went outside in a straight line. Once outside at the pavement, he noticed one thing. He didn’t really know the way. But then he remembered having searched for the little grocery store on his phone and opened his search history. It was a twenty-five minute walk to get to the alley, but the time passed in a blur. Before Chay knew it, he stood by the dumpsters where two nights ago, he had looked into a dying girl’s eyes who had said his boyfriend’s stage name with her last breath.

It wasn’t raining today, and naturally, all the blood had been washed away by the heavy downpour of the last two nights, but Chay imagined a dark trail leading from where he stood over to the right and around a corner. He strapped his backpack tighter and prepared himself for following it. The street parallel to the one he had hidden at looked just as grimy and dirty as the others. But Chay had been wrong. It wasn’t a parallelly running street. It was a dead end behind a restaurant. Probably the location where the diner got his deliveries sent to. Enough space for a medium-sized truck and two cars to fit in the wider circle.

The cars had had two options of getting out of the dead-end road: first: going straight back and therefor going past the alleyway where Chay and the girl had been. The small road was too narrow and too full of dumpsters and boxes for a car to fit, let alone a truck. The other option was the little road that was almost a continuation of the dumpster alley, but shifted a little to the right of where Chay stood.

Furrowing his brows, Chay looked around and made a tentative step forward into the bigger road where the shooting had happened. He was confused. Everything looked… normal. No barrier tape that read ‘crime scene, do not pass’, no sign of police officers taking pictures and no broken glass or suspicious items. The tracks on the ground showed that at least two cars had either come to an abrupt stop or started with screeching tires. The asphalt was darker and almost rubbed raw. One of the tracks led to Chay’s left and stayed on the road leading to the dead-end, and the other did indeed drift into the smaller street that Chay hadn’t explored. The tracks into the alley were much bigger, and so Chay assumed that this had been the truck.

On a wimp, he took out his little notebook and turned it on its side, starting a quick sketch of the situation.

He stayed in the area for another few minutes, trying to find out exactly what had happened. Where had the victims lain? Were they also little girls or had the gangsters shot each other? Had Kim been hurt? None of his questions were answered. The only thing that he found were some holes in the wall, where a few bullets might have missed their target. But they were so small and the façade was bumpy in the first place, so there was no fire-proof way of knowing if there had once been metal bullets in the wall. If there had been, the police had already pulled them out.

Defeated, Chay left the area again and made his way back to the flat. As much as he wanted to get his questions answered, he still had his genetics exam coming up in two days, and there was a whole chapter left for him to study. Maybe he could text Kim for a while. Find out if any of this was actually true. Snoop around a bit like the older had done two years ago.

Chay got up the wonky stairs until he reached the second floor of the building where his and Macau’s dorm was located. He rounded the little corner that led to their corridor and his footsteps echoed in the cheap building. Chay usually loved hearing the creaks and groaning of the wood beneath his feet, but today he was still completely out of it. Throughout the entire bus ride home, he had tried to say something out loud, but had once again only recoiled and started gagging when the voice was about to exit his mouth. The most he had managed was a tiny whispered “Hello”, so quiet that he wasn’t even sure he had just imagined it. So he added ‘find out why I can’t speak suddenly’ onto his long to-do-list, right underneath ‘find out if my boyfriend is involved in a human trafficking ring’.

But when Chay reached the door to his flat, he stopped in his tracks. He… he heard noises coming from the inside! Instantly, he jumped away from the door and pressed his back against the wall next to it, his chest moving rapidly. They didn’t have a TV that he could have left on accidentally, and Macau was the only person beside him to have a key. Not even Porsche, Vegas and Kim had access to the rooms behind this door! The three had protested when Macau and Chay had insisted on getting full control over the place, but thankfully for them, Tankhun, Kinn and Pete had taken their sides and had told the others that “they are responsible, and you don’t need to control them. We checked the apartment and the people living nearby, and we are only a call away. Let them have their freedom, there’s no way they will get hurt.”

While Macau and Chay had only fiercely nodded at that statement, the youngest now wasn’t so sure of all that. His brain told him to call his brother, but his heart told him otherwise. For all he knew, Porsche was part of the minor family’s head and could well be behind the shooting from two days ago. So no, Chay decided to go alone.

He carefully pulled out his keys and fished for the little Swiss army knife Big had gifted him for his birthday. He had done so in private, after their sparring session the day before Chay had turned twenty, and had mumbled while holding the object for Chay to take: “This is for you. You’re… still weak and you should have it.” Then, before Chay could thank the blushing man, he had quickly added: “Don’t tell anyone about this, k?” Chay had always known that he liked the stoic, grumpy bodyguard, but this heartfelt moment, carefully chosen when nobody was around to witness his mushy behavior, had made Chay vow to never leave the knife behind.

Thank you, P’Big, he sent out to the ceiling as the silver weapon glistened in his right hand. With one last deep breath, he opened the door a tiny bit before entering.

Chapter Text

June 31^st

The noise was louder inside, but still quite dull and muffled, as if it didn’t come from a person but through a device. There was nobody to be seen at the entrance of the apartment, but Chay still kept repeating Big’s gym-advice in his head. “Protect your back at all times. Look for escape routes and don’t always trust your eyes. Use your other senses as well.”

Chay tried it all. Stayed near the door as it was the first and safest way out, because the windows were only in the kitchen and the bedrooms. Back protected and escape secured! Next, senses. Chay usually had trouble using multiple senses at the same time when he had to focus on one, so he looked around one final time before closing his eyes. Sense of touch: the wall behind him and the knife in his hand. Useless. Sense of smell: laundry detergent and Macau’s disgusting breakfast cereal. Useless. Sense of taste: saliva and toothpaste. Useless. Sense of sight: not applicable at the moment, but their entrance area of the apartment. Nothing out of the ordinary. Sense of hearing: Muffled voice, female, coming from Macau’s bedroom. Also… shuffling. Steps coming closer to whe-

Suddenly, the door to Macau’s room opened and Chay instinctively jumped forward, ready to use his knife to protect himself. But he misjudged his timing and distance. The jump was only far enough to get across half the distance that he needed, and the person in front of him was so quick that any attack on Chay’s side was useless to begin with. The young man mentally prepared himself to be chloroformed or tackled, but none of that happened.

Instead, when Chay looked up, he was met with the sight of a man in an impeccable black suit and shiny shoes, who stood in Macau’s doorway relaxed and unimpressed. Trailing his eyes higher, Chay finally saw his face.

Khun Chan?! He thought when he recognized the head of the bodyguards. Chay used the honorific with most people he met in the tower. There were few exceptions when it came to the staff, including Big, Arm and Pol, who had earned the title phi over the months. But Chan?! No matter how often the older man had insisted that Chay was superior to him, the younger couldn’t get himself to drop the polite speech. In return, Chan was the only guard (next to Big, who was slowly but surely getting rid of the habit) who still called Chay khun as well. Their interactions had been very limited. Because Chay had insisted on being left out of the family business, he never attended meetings or galas with the rest of the family. And Chan was always there with…

“Khun Chay, Khun Korn is waiting for you,” the man said without preamble. He then stepped to the side and stretched his right hand out, earning him a confused look from Chay. A pointed glance at the knife was enough for Macau’s roommate to understand the order. But he didn’t trust the situation and refused to hand over his weapon. Instead, he took a few steps backwards and put Big’s gift down onto one of the kitchen cupboards.

“Ah, Porchay, hello!” He was greeted by Khun Korn, who had taken a seat on Macau’s gaming chair, the computer where the muffled voice of a woman was heard, to quiet to understand her words, was turned towards Khun Korn. Chay couldn’t see what it was showing. “Come in, sit down.” It felt weird being offered a place in his own apartment, but Chay still followed suit and perched on the edge of Macau’s bed, clearly uncomfortable.

Chay hated Khun Korn. Hated was maybe a very strong word, but he hadn’t spent a lot of time with the mafia kingpin. But it had been enough for Chay to flee the country last time. Khun Korn had never been in this apartment. Never spoke to Chay in private. Never interacted with him outside of the dreaded Saturday Family dinners. So why was he here?

It was almost as if Kim’s father could read his thoughts. With a smile, he gestured around and said: “I wanted to have a look at your place. Kinn had told me a bit about your studies. I heard that the internship is coming up next semester?” Chay only nodded and clenched the duvet in his fists. “Good, good. And how is your exam preparation going? I heard that there’s only one left.” Chay knew that he would throw up if he tried to open his mouth, so he just nodded again and looked around the room, trying to get Khun Korn to look elsewhere but his face. His gaze landed on Chan, who was standing next to the closed bedroom door. Why was it closed? What was going on?

“I see,” Khun Korn continued as if nothing was out of the ordinary. “Well back when I used to go to university, I hated studying a lot. The only thing that kept me going was a very specific brand of Swiss chocolate. My parents bought me a bar for every exam season. I’m glad to see you being a hard worker without such bribery.” He then lifted the teacup that Chay hadn’t seen until now and took a final sip. He must have been here for quite some time already, Chay thought. The old man then lifted the cup, and the silent order was enough for Chan to move away from his place at the door and go over to his employer. This was his chance! Chay thought. He could just run away righ- Before Chay could even finish that thought, Chan had already moved back and walked outside, closing the door behind him.

“I haven’t come around yet to congratulate you, Porchay.” The addressee frowned. What congratulations were in order? His birthday had been months ago. “I got news that your transplant was successful.” He smiled and blinked at Chay before leaning forward onto the desk that divided the two and looked over the computer. “Getting a second chance at life is a gift which I hope you will use wisely.” Chay pressed his lips together and bowed his head down slightly, as if to politely thank the man without interrupting him.

“I got news that you initially didn’t want to get it?” Chay tensed. What would be the right answer? What was expected of him? Why hadn’t Chan returned? “Kinn told me that you want to use your own money to pay him back for the hospital bills. That’s very noble of you.” Even though it was a compliment, it didn’t make Chay relax.

“I’m usually an advocate for letting nature do what nature does, you know?” Khun Korn took the folded napkin from his revers and dapped his lips. “Because sometimes, it is very unlikely that we get second chances. You were lucky that your brother was a perfect match and that everything worked out.” He then stood up, making Chay tense further and sit up straight, ready to bolt out at any time. But Khun Korn had to go past him to exit the room. While he was walking the same way that Chan had taken, the mafiosi said: “We are lucky to live in a family that supports each other and is able to afford everything we need.” He pressed down the door handle and stared down at Chay. “Most people have to be careful where they go and what they do. Not everybody is as fortunate as we are.”

With that, he gave one last sickeningly fatherly smile and said: “I will see myself out. Have a nice day and good luck with your exam.” The door closed behind him and Chay sat on the bed in the room, completely alone. His muscles were cramping up and the duvet underneath his fingers was starting to rip from his tight grasp. It was only after the front door had closed that Chay got up on wobbly legs. He slowly moved across the room and around the desk, where he looked at the computer screen. It showed a short YouTube video with a woman standing on the right side, speaking into a microphone and gesturing to the area that was behind her on the left side of the frame. It showed a rainy alleyway and policemen that were rolling barrier tape across the street that read ‘CRIME SCENE’.

Chay’s fingers trembled when he turned the volume up. “… -ave no information on what exactly happened here; but rest assured that the police are doing their best to find out who is responsible for this crime. And now back to the studio.” A harsh cut was made and suddenly, Chay looked at the inside of a news agency room where a man in a suit was looking into the camera. “Thank you very much for the update, and one more time, our biggest condolences to the families of the victims.” He bowed into a ninety-degree angle and moved on to the next story which Chay didn’t pay attention to.

As if on autopilot, he shut the computer down and left Macau’s room. Back in the entryway, he glanced around. There was no sight of Chan or Khun Korn, but he had to make sure, nonetheless. So Chay tentatively stepped into the kitchen and saw his knife laying on the drawer where he had put it, and the teacup on the drying rack where Chan must have put it after he had left the room.

July 1^st

Chay was back in the tower, burrowed in the comfortable couch of Tankhun Theerapanyakul. In front of him, he could see the mess that was Arm and Pol, and the owner of the room, who was laughing from his position in the fuzzy armchair, as he was guiding the guards into their positions. “Right arm on yellow. Yellow, Pol!” “OW, POL MOVE!” Arm was trying his best not to topple over when his colleague/secret-boyfriend nearly sliced his left arm off on his way to get into the new position on the twister mat.

Tankhun was laughing loudly and had his body thrown into the cushions, and the other two were groaning and struggling. Nobody really noticed Chay, and for once, he was glad about it. Almost as if the last 36 hours hadn’t happened, everybody around Chay was as cheerful and quirky as ever. He had even received a flirty ‘Good morning’ text message from Kim with a spicy innuendo that would normally have made Chay blush and curl up in embarrassment and shyness. This morning however, he had to fake his enthusiasm and mock chiding that defined their usual dynamic. He had actually not even wanted to visit Tankhun tonight. His head was drowning in thoughts. It should only be tomorrow’s genetics exam occupying his mind, but that was being pushed far, far back because of his one goal: find out if Kinn and Porsche knew something about all this. If these two were somehow tied to the incident, there was no doubt that Kim had been, as well.

He had texted his brother sometime after Khun Korn had left his apartment and asked if he would be at their family’s house tonight. Can’t, have meetings at the tower all evening. Perfect. He only had one shot at this. So Chay had not cancelled his plans with Tankhun and was now patiently waiting for the older to dismiss the rest of them when Dr. Seek would come over in… Chay looked at his phone, fifteen minutes.

“Ai, Chay, want to play as well?” The youngest only shook his head and waved his hand in dismissal. He then made a gesture towards Arm and Pol, whose noses were pressed pretty close to one another, and wiggled his eyebrows. Tankhun seemed to understand him. “Okay, let’s torture these lovebirds more.” “Khun noo, we are not a couple,” came the prompt answer by the two guards. “I know, I know, whatever you say. You should know that the sooner you become a couple, the sooner I will stop torturing you. Now let’s see what the wheel says… uuuhhhh, left foot on blue.”

While they were busy, Chay drew his knees up to hide the fact that he was holding his phone in his hands. There was one simple rule that Tanhun had everybody follow when they visited: Tankhun time is phone-free time. But Chay had stuff to do, okay? First of all, he opened his browser in incognito mode and googled ‘selective mutism’. It had come up last night when he had been lying in bed, not able to sleep because of Khun Korn’s visit. Deciding to distract himself, he had tried to find out the reason for his inability to speak, and had come across the term ‘selective mutism’. A reaction to trauma or a symptom of PTSD, mostly common in young children and victims of assault.

Great, first a genetic disease that was only cured through a bone marrow transplant, and now I can’t speak until this goes away. That’s right. Chay had yet to find a way of getting rid of it, and the only solution the internet offered was therapy. He rolled his eyes but decided that this wasn’t a problem to deal with at the moment. For now, it was much more important to find out if the Theerapanyakul’s had any connection to the shooting.

Dr. Seek came, and as predicted, Tankhun dismissed the three other visitors, who quickly scattered outside, not wanting to get on his bad side. On the corridor, the two guards fixed their hair that had been ruffled through the game and inhaled deeply. “Ufff, I never thought twister would be my doom,” Pol complained and rubbed his left side where Arm had accidentally punched him. “Me too. Chay, do you want to get something to eat with us?” He shook his head, hummed what could only be interpreted as a ‘no’, promptly held up his genetics textbook that he had been carrying around all day. The two gave him pitiful and impressed looks and waved him goodbye before making their way to the cafeteria.

Chay however went in the other direction. He had to get into Porsche’s office. Thinking back to the last time he had snuck in there to get his passport, Chay worried his lips. Could he do something like that again? He knew that he was treated like any other member of the family, but somehow, he had a bad feeling. Khun Korn had somehow maybe possibly found out that he knew about the shooting, surely he had his eyes on the tower and the offices, right?

Sneaking into the meeting downstairs was impossible. So he stopped in his tracks and tried to think. The office… the meeting… the Theerapanyakuls probably had access to the police files and data, so if they had anything to do with the crime, they would have used their contacts to get rid of the evidence, right? Chay cursed himself for not knowing anything about the life of a mafia. Why had he insisted on staying out of the business? He had missed on information that would be really useful right now! Why had he decided to stay at home and pla- home! Chay gasped and slapped his forehead. Of course! How could he have forgotten! With that, he jumped up and dashed towards the front doors.

Chay made sure that nobody was home. Kinn and Porsche were both at the meeting, it seemed, and Chay’s childhood home was deserted and quiet. With quick steps, he went upstairs and entered Porsche’s home office. He located the files very easily. His brother had told him that he hadn’t been allowed to take them outside the tower, and if Kinn knew he had done it, the Theerapanyakul would have his head. And since the files were still here… that could only mean one thing. Kinn didn’t know they were here. And hopefully, neither did Khun Korn.

Chay kneeled on the floor and dove into the first of three boxes that Porsche had hidden behind a plant and the computer setup. He pulled it outside and lifted the first file. It was a standard dark green cardboard folder with a bunch of numbers written on them that told Chay nothing. Opening it, he found a bunch of paper and photos. The first gage showed the face of a heavily tattooed man in his thirties. His mugshot was in black and white, and he was definitely a criminal, judged by the height lines behind him and the number plate he was holding in front of him. Chay furrowed his brows and skimmed over the text written underneath the picture.

Imprisoned: May 29^th, 2012, for assault of a minor and double homicide.

Relation: contact in Phuket Provincial Prison.

Area of expertise: Phuket and South Thailand gangs and cartels.

Person of contact: Phuket Provincial Prison, ask for personnel number 04132.

What the hell?! Chay furrowed his brows and widened them when he realized what he was holding hin his hand. This man – Somsak Aromdee, as it said on the top – was a prisoner in Phuket who worked for the Theerapanyakuls? On the next few pages of his file, Chay learned about the stuff the criminal did for the family: it included inside knowledge on the prison system (according to the file he had helped during a breakout in 2019 where some of the minor family’s guards had been taken in), as well as multiple smuggling jobs and killing a man from an opposing gang in Hat yai.

Chay closed the file and opened another one. This one wasn’t about a single person, but about a local barber shop in Chang Mai that the major family used for money laundering and smuggling. The next was about a politician of a small province that was a key point for the trade of heroin and coke. The man had been bribed to look past the fact that the local harbor had been the location of a drug deal gone wrong. Chay read about a policeman that once provided the major family with guns when their shipping had been delayed, and a first-aid responder who had declared a guard for dead and let him go instead of taking him to the hospital and putting him into the system.

All people were paid by the family. The criminal from Phuket had been receiving a year worth of speed for his services, barber-shop-money-laundering-place had been invested in by the Theerapanyakuls and wouldn’t have to worry about going bankrupt, the politician had been guaranteed that his little daughter would get into the best school around, the police man had been paid in cash and the paramedic had received a trip to Paris for him and his wife.

There were also details on which member of the family had been the person who had initiated the contact. Kan had been engaging many assassins, Vegas had been in charge of a lot of the drug deals, Khun Korn had bribed most of the politicians and authorities, Kinn had looked into the money laundering. One of the files was rather new. Its edges weren’t tilted and wedged, and the paper looked crisper than most others. It was a file on a crime scene in the south of Bangkok, where a arms deal had gone wrong, and two goons had been killed. The person who had been responsible for smoothing things out and bribing the commissioner had been… Porsche Pichaya Kittisawasd. Chay closed the file as if his hands had been burned.

Many files held contact information for bounty hunters and assassins, corrupt politicians and branches of the family, ways in which the legal businesses were used to serve the underground society. Chay didn’t know how long he had been looking through the files when he came across one that would lead him to his doom. It was thicker than most of the others and was black on the outside. Chay had discovered a sort of system so far: drug dealers and debt collectors were blue, prisoners and free lancers were green, politicians and police were brown, homicide was red. But this was the first black file that Chay opened.

A bunch of papers flew in his direction, and he had to sort it all out before taking a look at the content. His heart stopped. In big letters, the title on the first page read ‘Thaung Khin sex trafficking’. Established in 2008 by Khun Korn, Thaung Khin was the head of a Myanmar sex trafficking ring that imported via Thailand. Focused on middle school kids, he sold and traded sex and people for money all across the eastern hemisphere. And most kids came from Thailand. Organized by the Theerapanyakul family. Wealthy men and women from all over the world paid huge prices for slaves and virgins from Southeast Asia. The file stated that ever since the establishing of the contact, the family sent a new load of kids every six months over to Myanmar. The drop-off happened at… Vibhavadi Rangsit Road. Behind a local diner that was paid to forgo the state regulations of having cameras at the back door.

Chay felt sick in a way he hadn’t felt before and jumped up, sending most of the pages flying across the room, and bolted towards the bathroom. Clinging onto the bowl, he dry-heaved and cringed at the acid taste in his mouth. Once he had emptied his stomach, he started crying. He stayed kneeling on the floor, wailing and screaming into the bathroom, and it was the loudest his voice had become since the alleyway.

It was true. It all was true. The girl had seen Kim. He had been there. Chay’s own brother, Kinn and everyone he had grown close to in the last fifteen months and thirteen days, were the worst kind of people on earth. Chay didn’t know what he had expected. Obviously, the mafia was an illegal underground system that controlled and broke the rules of society and the government. And Chay hated it. He had always hated it. Hated the drug deals and the diamond auctions. Hated the bling bling and the bodyguards. Hated the guns and need for a private infirmary. But until right now, he hadn’t realized the extend of the word mafia.

His brother and their boyfriends were killers. They robbed, collected debts, smuggled not just substances, but also humans. kids. How naïve had Chay been? How come he had been wearing these rose-tinted glasses? Had he been really actively ignoring the fact that he lived with cold-hearted criminals, just because of his childish romantic side?!

Chapter Text

July 2

“Hey Chay! Chay!” Chay ignored the yelling of the young man who had sat next to him during their genetics exam. Usually he would have loved to talk to None about the difficulty of the questions, or to ask him what he had put as an answer to task seven. If this were any other exam, like the ones they had written a week ago, Chay would have invited the other for a cup of coffee and a cake at their favorite café. It was his turn today. None had paid after the elementary chemistry test last time. But not today. Today, Chay just speed-walked out of the building.

He knew that Kim and Porsche had texted him. His phone had started vibrating the second he had handed in his paper. But Chay kept ignoring the buzzing. Besides the fact that he was still non-verbal, he wouldn’t even know what to tell them. How was the exam? - I don’t know, hia. Were the questions difficult? - I don’t remember, P’Kim, I didn’t pay attention. I’m sure you did great! - Thanks phi, but I don’t really care.

It all meant nothing to Chay. He had woken up this morning with eye bags that went down to his knees. His eyeballs had been sore from the crying, and Chay hadn’t paid attention to what clothes he had put on. He hadn’t eaten breakfast, hadn’t drank any water, hadn’t double checked if he had answered all of the questions. He had been on autopilot ever since he had left the bathroom last night. Has worked his way through the exam without really registering what had been asked of him. Had only mechanically waved hello to None, but nobody had noticed, since all of his classmates had been terrified at the exam.

Right now, on his way back to his place, Chay felt the exhaustion kicking in. The lack of food and energy made him stumble and almost fall over, but he saved himself at the last second. He had put his earphones in, but couldn’t tell what song was playing. He had originally planned on going home to his apartment straight away, to roll into a little ball and forget everything, but his feet pulled him into a different direction. Before he knew it, Chay stood back in the little alleyway by Vibhavadi Rangsit Road. He just stood there, in the little circle behind the restaurant, and looked at the asphalt. The truck must have stood right here. The truck where the now dead girl had probably tried to escape when the shooting had started. Maybe the other four dead victims and two heavily injured people were also kidnapped boys and girls, and not gang members. Maybe Kim had stood… right there, in the shadows behind the little staircase. Or he had sat in one of the black cars, shooting out of the window. Maybe it had even been one of Kim’s private sports cars or Big had driven Kinn’s Maserati. Maybe Porsche had even been here. Maybe hít had been his gun that had pierced through the girl’s torso and that left the little brother sibling-less.

Chay tried not to think of the ‘meeting at the minor family’s mansion’, which had oh so conveniently overlapped with the time stamp of the fight. Porsche had even texted Chay an hour or so before it all happened. Had asked him if he was still outside or already back home. Maybe he had tried to make sure his younger brother wouldn’t be around. Chay huffed a dry laugh. Too late for that, hia.

An hour later, Chay finally walked up the creaking stairs into his and Macau’s apartment. Did his roommate know anything about all this? How involved had he been in the mafia before Kan had died? Had Chay’s best friend killed people as well? He was getting a headache from all these questions that kept his brain busy 24/7, and groaned when his vision turned blurry. He was at wit’s end.

With his head leaning onto his right hand, Chay walked towards the apartment door practically blind. But he had walked this corridor so many times he knew that it took him exactly fourteen steps to get to his destination. Once he arrived there, he wanted to lean his shoulder against the door to take some of the pressure off his standing body, and fish out his keys. The dehydration was kicking in and made him dizzy. But when he touched the wood with his right shoulder, he lost his balance and tipped over to the right when the door gave in and pushed open.

With a surprised gasp, Chay tried to keep on his feet and registered that the door had been open. What the… Chay felt reminded of the situation from two days ago. His Swiss army knife was however buried in the depth of his backpack, and Chay didn’t have the time to get it out. He stood shellshocked and tried to take everything in. Sight, hearing, taste, feeling, smell. All five senses were activated, but Chay noticed nothing. No indicator that anything was out of the ordinary. No footsteps or voices coming from Macau’s room, no bodyguard that opened the door for Chay.

He crept through the apartment with his shoulders hunched over and knees bent, ready to jump at any time. The headache was still persistent, but pushed to the back of his brain as survival mode took over. Kitchen: empty. Bathroom: normal. Macau’s room: nothing out of the ordinary. Tiny living space that was used for nothing except hanging up their clothes: as usual. His own bedroom: the way he had left it this morning. His pajamas were thrown over the swivel chair half-hazardly, the closet door still open, his guitar – an anniversary present from Kim – standing in the corner.

But when he went towards the window to get a different perspective on the room, Chay noticed something on his desk. Something that he didn’t recognize. It was an envelope, big enough for a piece of paper to be put in without having to fold it. By the looks of it, the container was quite full, and upon further inspection, Chay could see that it wasn’t glued shut, but left open. The color was a standard brown, and Chay remembered having bought some of these exact envelopes at the post office, for whenever Porsche had to hand in important bills.

Curiosity winning over fear, Chay looked inside and pulled the contents out. He didn’t dare sit down and looked at the stuff from a standing perspective, as if what was in there could attack him and he needed to get some distance. The first thing that Chay saw was a beautiful rectangular box. It was dark blue and had golden and red engravings and fine lines across it, and the writing on it was something that Chay couldn’t really decipher. But there was one word that he understood: chocolate. Not just any chocolate, he figured. This was expensive chocolate. Swiss. Chay’s heartrate slowed down when he realized what this meant. Khun Korn had been here. Again.

The next thing that Chay saw was a little figurine. Marble, it seemed. It was white, with faint grey lines decorating the little statue that wasn’t bigger than Chay’s pinky. It had the shape of a column with little rings adorning the top and bottom of it, gradually becoming bigger before shrinking in size again. The top of the figure was shaped like an onion – almost circular but with a pointed top – and one of the sides had an indent in the shape of a downward-facing semi-circle. Chay had never been completely interested in it, but he knew what he was looking at: This was a piece of chess. Which one exactly, he had no idea. It couldn’t be the king or the queen, it didn’t look extravagant enough for that. Nor could it be the knight. They were shaped like a horse, right? Chay furrowed his brows and tried to collect his knowledge on the game. King, queen, knight, what else was there? The pawns, of course. Could it be a pawn? No, they were the smallest out of all of them, he thought. That only left two possible figures: the rook and the bishop. And this figure was definitely not shaped like a tower.

Why would he-? Chay knew that the only possibility of getting an answer to the many questions was reading the letter that had come out of the envelope with the chocolate. He turned the paper over and started reading the words that were written in impeccable calligraphy:

Once upon a time, there were two countries fighting in battle. The morning fog was covering the field the armies had to cross to get to each other, and the air was so thick one could cut through it. The two bishops stood on opposite sides, staring straight at each other, and even through the distance, the white bishop could see the black bishop’s desire to be with him. The white bishop looked down at the field he was standing on. It was white. Pristine white glistening in the morning fog. The black bishop stood on a black field. But their love story was only for the books, for they were on opposite sides and opponents by blood. They used to be so close, and looking at them now; their story was not what it used to be.

The white bishop was fuelled with rage for the opponents’ army and would stop seeking out the former lover once he learned of his loyalty to the black king. Then, the white king to the bishop’s left gave the signal to attack. With one last staredown, the game began, and the white bishop made his move, determined to kill the other king. The black bishop, still foolishly enchanted by the white one, moved to meet him, and so they danced their dance across the board. The black bishop didn’t know that his former lover had not the same intention as himself. The lovesick fool was trying to get closer to his other half, trying to embrace him in the center of the field.

The black bishop was a thoughtless fellow, for he had forgotten one very simple rule: they can never beat each other, never touch each other, never share a field, be it in peace or in war. Because the bishop is bound to the field of his color, and so the white bishop stayed on the white fields, and the black one stayed on the black ones. And so, no matter how hard the black bishop tried, he would never reach his love. And the white bishop was glad about it. Because his rage for the black bishop made him vow to never set foot next to him again. As the battle kept going, the white bishop noticed one thing: he couldn’t beat the black king, who never stepped off his black fields, and so any attempts of touching the king were as futile as the black bishop’s attempts of stepping onto the white ones.

This enraged the white bishop, who was trying to find a way of ending this misery. But then, the black king stepped onto the field next to him – so close for the white bishop to touch, but too far away to beat – and the royal whispered into the bishop’s ear.

And so the white bishop did something that the black bishop would have never deemed possible: he reached the game-board’s edge and jumped off and out of this game, running away from the other figures who were doomed to rot in their hell of a life. He could never beat the black king, nor the black bishop. But he could do one thing: he could stop playing this war. The white bishop was never seen again, and for the rest of eternity, the black bishop, foolish and stupid, looked for his lost love, while the white bishop lived a happy life. At some point, the black bishop will understand that their love story had been ill-fated from the start. He will rage and not understand at first, but unlike the white bishop, the black one is tied to the battlefield.

Look under your pillow. Make your move.

The crease between Chay’s eyebrows ran deeper than ever. At some point during reading the little story, he had sat down in his swivel chair without taking his eyes off of the paper. Now, he looked at the little figurine that had been inside the envelope. The white bishop. Fated to forever walk on the white fields, lest he left the game. It was very obvious who the black bishop in this story was.

He huffed a dry laugh. Leave it to Khun Korn to compare himself to a king. He must have spent a lot of time to come up with this intricate analogy. Chay read over the second to last line again. Look under your pillow. placing the letter and the figurine onto the desk, he went over to his unmade bed. It looked exactly like it had this morning. But when he lifted the pillow, Chay saw something that made him widen his eyes.

There, on his mattress, lay a credit card that Chay had never seen before. It looked innocent next to the phone that had no scratches or damages. Completely new. And underneath these two items, Chay found another thing. It was his passport. Dark red with golden letters. And inside it, peeking out from between the pages, was a long, narrow piece of paper. It was thicker than usual and sleek, as if it had a layer of wax on top of it. Chay knew exactly what it was. A plane ticket. Looking at the destination, his jaw dropped. London.

There it was. The answer he had been looking for days now. Chay had kept asking himself what to do. How to deal with the fact that his family, his friends, his lover, were colder and more brutal than he would have ever thought. How could he live with these people who kidnapped and sold people for a living?! And here was the answer. The out that Khun Korn presented to him.

Chay knew that this hadn’t been done out of kindness and generosity. No. No matter how much the mafia kingpin tried to butter Chay up by telling him he was a mighty powerful bishop who was untouchable on his white fields, the young man knew that he was just a pawn to Khun Korn. The old man wanted him gone. Wanted him to stop messing with his youngest son’s head and to leave this family for good. He wasn’t made for this lifestyle and could never become part of the black army. The white bishop was destined to fight against them or give up.

Chay didn’t know a lot about chess. He knew the basic rules. White started the game, every piece had a specific way of moving, and the game was over when one of the kings were in a position where they couldn’t move without being put into checkmate. The bishop was not quite powerful, but when on one-on-one with the other bishop, it had a useful tactic. It could never be beaten by the other bishop that walked the black pieces. It was also one of the fastest figures in chess. It could move as many fields diagonally as it wanted and was therefore much less limited in his speed than the pawn or the king.

But what Khun Korn had said about leaving the game? Just jumping off the battlefield and abandoning the war? Just… leaving for London, hoping that nobody would follow him? Admit that he was powerless compared to Khun Korn and his mafia kingdom? No, that was not what Chay would do. If there was one thing that Chay liked, it was rules and order. He liked having a plan for his studies, liked to have the syringes in the infirmary catalogued by date, and liked being polite. He followed the rules. Called elder people khun or phi, no matter if he was superior to them.

So no thank you, Chay would not abandon the game. He didn’t want to be the white bishop. He wanted to be the knight. A figure so jumpy it was hard to corner. A figure that moved in all directions at once and that could beat the king no matter what field he stood on. Chay wanted to finish this game of chess until the black king and all his subjects were destroyed. He wanted to be so unpredictable that Khun Korn didn’t notice the card up his sleeve.

Chay would follow the rules Khun Korn had laid out for him. He would use the plane ticket. He would go abroad and leave this fucking disgusting family. But what Khun Korn wouldn’t know is that he wouldn’t stop where the old man had intended him to go. He would travel further. Would disappear from the game but finish it from the outside. Wouldn’t stay in London. And in his back, he would carry his secret weapon to destroy the family. And it wasn’t just Khun Korn. No. It was everybody who was tied to this system, everybody who owned a gun, everybody who was responsible for the deaths of the little girl. And if that happened to include his own brother and his boyfriend, then Chay would tear them down as well.

He owed it to the girl that had died in his arms a few nights ago. But in order to accomplish that, Chay had to go back to his family’s house. He had to go to his brother’s office and get the evidence that would be the downfall of Khun Korn’s empire.

Chapter Text

July 2^nd

Unlike last time he did this, leaving Thailand was easy. He didn’t have to distract the guards to get his passport, didn’t have to sneak out the tower to get to the airport, didn’t have to order a new credit card, buy a new phone and a plane ticket. This time, the complications were focused on one specific component: not getting Khun Korn suspicious of his actions. The ticket the man had slipped underneath Chay’s pillow was issued for Saturday, July third. So the next day. That didn’t really leave him with a lot of time to prepare. But it wasn’t like he needed much. A suitcase with some basic clothing items was packed within minutes. The real problem was the files that Chay needed.

He had to get the evidence to overthrow the Theerapanyakuls from Porsche’s home office. Chay hoped from the depth of his heart that Khun Korn had no idea that Chay had access to this sensible information. Getting the paper copies was impossible. They were too many to fit into Chay’s suitcase. He obviously didn’t need all three boxes, but one could never be too sure. So instead, Chay settled on a very simple idea.

He got up from his position on the bed and put the passport, plane ticket and credit card down and put on his jacket. He would have to act quickly. Maybe Khun Korn had guards trailing him, maybe they were watching him right now. But deep down, Chay doubted that. It wouldn’t make any sense for Khun Korn to involve more people than necessary into this matter. The more people knew that Chay was leaving, the more likely it was that they would snitch on Kinn, Porsche, or Kim. Still, Chay wouldn’t take the chance and tried to be as careful as possible when he left the apartment complex and went down the street. He kept his head down and moved with the masses to blend in, his fists clenched at his sides.

Once he was at his childhood home, he quickly got to work. Not even taking the time to get out of his shoes, Chay crept upstairs into Porsche’s home office and pulled out his flash drive. It was the middle of the day, and very unlikely that Kinn or Porsche would be home. They were most likely at the tower or out there somewhere collecting debts or killing innocent little children. Chay tensed at the thought and tried to work faster. One after the other, Chay took the files and put them onto the printer on the desk to scan them. It didn’t matter if they weren’t in order or that the electronic files weren’t saved correctly, Chay only needed the pictures and the names. While a file was scanning, he sorted through the boxes to filter for the most important ones. The first one being the black file on the Myanmar sex trafficking ring from Thaung Khin.

Chay stayed in the house for two hours, scanning as many files as possible. He also rummaged through the drawers to see if there was anything else he could use as evidence and found a list of names in the bottom cabinet. The list was long, two pages with three columns. Some of them, starting from the top to about two thirds down, were crossed out, as if the people weren’t a concern anymore. As if they had been dealt with. As if they were… dead. Chay scanned these two pages as well.

He then did his best to make the room look like he had never been in there. He pushed the boxes back behind the plant and computer set up, shut down the printer and closed the drawers on the desk. Next, he went into his own room and checked for any abnormalities. One thing was for sure: he would leave no trace for them to follow. Last time, the picture of the cabin in Norway had given him away. Chay still didn’t know if he had done it subconsciously or on accident, but this time, he would leave for good. He was done with this family. Even his own brother, he feared. Chay loved Porsche, and would do so until the day he died, but seeing a girl die in his arms had been a wake-up call for him. There was no way he could see past that. Porsche was as much part of the problem as everyone else in this family. And if Chay had to betray him to get justice, then so be it.

His face was stone-cold and hard, and the cruel decision he had made weighed heavy on his heart. But Chay ignored it. He was doing the right thing. One last look at the house, and Chay was off. The flash drive was secure in his pocket, and he made a mental note to make a backup copy just in case. He contemplated just dropping the device off at a police station, but ultimately decided against it. He had no way of knowing if the officers weren’t corrupt or worked for the Theerapanyakuls. He also wanted to be far away when things went down. Chay was done with this family and wanted to have nothing to do with their crime. Once he published the information, the investigations would sooner or later come across his name, and Chay didn’t want that. So he decided to take the flash drive to London, and then to his final destination, before betraying his family.

On July 3rd, early in the morning, Chay didn’t look back at his apartment. He made sure to close the door and turn off the lights. He then opened his phone and texted his brother:

                  Hi hia, I’m going out with a few classmates to celebrate the end of the semester. I hope it’s okay that I am skipping Saturday Family Dinner? ☹ I don’t think we’ll be back at seven.

While it had always been Kim who was the most manipulative mastermind, it seemed like Chay had learned quite well from his boyfriend, given that Porsche only answered with an Of course, have fun and don’t worry, dinner is going to be annoying anyway. Breakfast tomorrow at home? Chay sent a quick thumbs up and a green heart. One person off his back already. Chay knew that Kim thought he didn’t know the older wasn’t in Japan anymore, and so he had to make Kim believe his lie hadn’t been discovered yet.

So Chay opened their chat and looked through his camera footage, finding a picture of himself pouting into the camera with puppy eyes, and sent it to the singer with the caption: I miss you and can’t wait for our vacation! There, that should do it for a while. His lips curled in disgust when he saw Kim’s profile picture. It was a selfie of the two of them, taken on their one-year anniversary. The two of them were cuddling up on Kim’s luxurious couch and Chay had insisted they take a picture together. Looking at it now, he saw two young men, completely in love with each other and bathing in their feelings for one another. Kim looked… happy. Carefree. Enamored at the prospect of spending time with Chay, even if it was just a simple take-out dinner and a songwriting session.

He quickly closed their chat when the doubts and betrayal entered his head. He had been lied to. Again. And this time, it wasn’t just himself who was getting hurt. It was many people around them. There’s no other option, Chay thought and tried to convince himself of that. I can’t just… ignore all of this happening. As much as he hated it, he had to face reality. And this was that he lived in an unfair world that used others for personal gain. Unlike last time, Chay now prayed that nobody would find him. He was sure that Khun Korn would try to keep his disappearance a secret for as long as possible and would help Chay stay in the dark. There was no way he would tell Porsche, Kinn or Kim that the youngest was in London.

He was sitting in one of the little airport workstations, not too far away from the gate where his plane to London Heathrow would take off in an hour. Using one of the public computers, Chay looked at a map of England to plan his next moves. How would he go on with his plan? Getting to London was easy, but he had to get further away and disappear, so that Khun Korn wouldn’t catch him before he could complete his plan. He needed to go somewhere big. The family could probably see what countries his passport had entered. So if Chay went from London to Luxembourg, it wouldn’t take them longer than a few days to find him. It would probably be for the best to get to London but not fly from there again. The CCTV at the airport would make it very easy for the family to follow him into the next plane.

He was lucky. Heathrow was a very big airport, the biggest one in all of Europe, to be exact, and the masses would buy him some time when his brother and boyfriend would inevitably try to find him. Okay. Once he exited the plane, Chay would go through customs and passport control – he was now used to the procedure because of his last runaway trip to Norway – and would board a shuttle bus to one of the other terminals. He would have to see where to go from there, but for now, it was all he could do. Chay shouldered his hand luggage, his standard backpack, and deleted the browser history from the device. With one final look at the security camera about twenty meters away from him, he turned around and walked over to the gate.

July 3^rd  19:13 (London time)

Getting through the masses at the terminal was not easy. Especially since Chay was actually trying to stay in the midst of them, keeping his head down and evading the security cameras. He had gotten off the plane twenty minutes ago and had withdrawn seven thousand pounds in cash from the card that Khun Korn had provided him with. He had then gotten onto the first shuttle bus that had taken him away from terminal four, where he had landed.

Right now, Chay was making his way through the duty-free shops at terminal two, a twenty-minute bus ride away from his original destination. Until just now, he had followed the plan Kim’s father had planned for him. But on this very instant, when he went to the last-minute ticket shop and bought another ticket to leave England, he crossed a line that Khun Korn hopefully hadn’t anticipated.

Porsche had told him how they had found him last time: the picture of the cabin from Chay’s bedroom had been the first indicator. But what had also played a major role had been Kinn actually going to the airport in Bangkok and talking to the young man at the ticket shop, who had remembered Chay. He hoped that this wouldn’t be the case now, but was quite confident, because of the sheer size and masses of people in line in front of Chay. They were all waiting for their turn to get out of London.

Chay looked at the big clock: it was shortly after seven p.m., which meant that in Thailand, it was currently one a.m. of the next day. His entire flight had been himself reminiscing the old times, when he had fled to Norway almost two years ago. But instead of feeling scared and overwhelmed, Chay was now feeling numb with angry tendencies. Bach then, he had somehow moaned leaving his home behind. Right now, Chay couldn’t care less if his brother had already found out that he was missing, if Kim was going crazy and if Kinn was yelling the entire tower down to speed up the search. He didn’t feel bad about betraying Tankhun, who he had spent many hours with, nor did he think about his teacher and instructor Dr. Uhm, who had taught Chay so many things in so little time. Chay also didn’t think back at the funny games he used to play with Arm and Pol, and the tsundere behavior of his secretly favorite guard Big. He didn’t care about Macau, who would be losing his entire family, even if he had nothing to do with the business. Maybe he could handle out a deal with the police? Prove to them that he was innocent? Chay didn’t care, okay?! He… he didn’t mind!

He tried to convince himself that the tears in his eyes were tears of betrayal and anger, and not fear and doubt. He shook it off and kept running the same sentences over and over: There’s no other option. I can’t just ignore all of this happening. I’m doing the right thing. The facts have spoken. Kim is a killer. I am doing the right thing.

Now came the biggest question. Where should Chay go to? He needed to get on a plane as soon as possible just in case Khun Korn knew what he was doing. Multiple stops would be good as well, as they distorted the route and made it more difficult to locate Chay. The more airports they had to check, the better. And then he also had to make sure to get to a big enough country that he could travel away from the city and not depend on his passport He also needed to be able to get around with his limited language skills. It had to be a place to which Chay had no personal connection to, unlike Norway last time. It had to be randomized. All of these factors played a big role in the decision-making that Chay had to finish by the time he was first in line.

He looked around the huge hall and his eyes stopped at the backdrop of the ticket booth. It was a large world map with the names of the countries written in the places where they lay. Bigger countries were written in bigger, bolder letters. This way, the entirety of Europe was very difficult to see, while Australia, the US and Russia took up a lot of space. It was a huge word cloud, and one of the names stood out to Chay. He smiled and relaxed, pulling out a pen and his little notepad.

“Hi, welcome to London Heathrow airport where are we travelling today?” The lady behind the counter looked quirky and yet professional. Her pink lipstick was distractingly in-your-face, but her soft dimples smoothened out the image. Chay put on a matching smile, handed over a bunch of cash and his passport, and a piece of paper that said: “Hi, good evening. I would like to get on the next plane to Toronto, Canada.”

Chapter Text

June 27^th

If there was one thing that Kimhan Theerapanyakul hated more than touching the sweaty hands of interviewers who were just interested in his workout routine, it was stakeouts. Don’t get him wrong, he’s great at them. One of the best, really. But even though one couldn’t deny that he had a talent for standing still and watching people, the constant waiting was driving him crazy.

The back of the VW Passat was uncomfortable and too soft for his liking. Call him a snob, but Kimhan valued quality and had no problem paying for it. But for the sake of not blowing the mission, he had to blend in and so he had pulled out the old VW Passat that he had bought for these types of situations. The burner phone in the cup holder buzzed, and he took it out of the makeshift container to see that his middle brother was calling him.

“What?” he grumbled without taking his eyes off of the street. “Gee, can you be a bit grumpier, please? It would really make my day better, little brother.” Kim rolled his eyes and threw back: “Well if you were in my position right now you would be grumpy too. Not everyone can play happy couple with his boyfriend. Some of us have to do the dirty work and watch the back door, you know?” He could practically hear Kinn’s eyebrows drawing together in a frown.

“I know, but there’s no need to be pissed, okay? Two more weeks and then you’re on your plane with Chay.” “I know,” he said, “I’m literally counting the hours.” Kinn then switched the topics and asked if anything suspicious was happening in the alley. “No, nobody’s here yet. Inside clear as well?” “Porsche’s trying to flirt with the bartender to find out where the deal is happening. But it looks like he doesn’t know anything. Just keep your eyes on the door and call me if anything moves.” With that, Kinn hung up the phone, probably to pretend-sip on one of the disgustingly expensive champagne flutes while his bow tie and suit were stifling his movements. In that case, Kim could be happy to have been put on stakeout-duty for the night.

It was close to one a.m., and he had been sitting in the Passat for the better part of four hours now. And Kim was professional enough to not get distracted by the thoughts of his boyfriend or their upcoming vacations. No, he had kept his eyes firmly on the surrounding area, with occasional glimpses at the files that were on his passenger seat. Whenever a waiter or cleaning staff came through the back door to dispose of the trash or to get a smoke break, Kim double checked if they were the person they were looking for. But no, too big, too muscular, a woman, a beard. None of them fit the criteria they were looking for.

Kinn and Porsche were inside on the ground floor, trying to localize the man they were looking for. Vegas and Pete were on the first floor, checking out the more private areas of the club and going undercover as potential buyers. And Kim, Kim was out here in the old VW Passat, ignoring the fact that he could be lying next to Chay right now and tell him that his exams were going to be fine. The older had his schedule put in his phone calendar. Later today, at around ten thirty, Chay would have his oral exam in zoology, and almost a week later, on July 2^nd, the genetics exam would mark the end of the semester for the young medicine student.

He sighed and groaned, leaning his head against the head rest that was a little too low to be comfortable, and waited. And waited some more. When Kinn had asked him to help him, Porsche, Pete, and Vegas to finish this job with them, the youngest had, to nobody’s surprise, immediately said yes. It was for Chay, after all. So he cut his Japan trip short and had come back three days ago, staying in safe houses and hotel rooms.

Usually, he would leave this kind of work for his brother and his psycho of a cousin, but this particular job had been planned for months and required all people they could find. And so Kim had come out of his office for the first time in years, had stopped working in the shadows and operating as Kimlock Holmes, to join the elders on the battlefield.

Suddenly, his phone rang again. “Kim, he’s coming your way.” Now or never. Kim’s entire body tensed, and he got ready to pounce. Them the back door opened, and a man bolted outside, frantically looking back to see if he was being followed. Too bad for him, because now he couldn’t see Kim starting the VW Passat and ramming into him as he was trying to get as much distance between him and the prestigious club as possible. Once Kim had made sure that he was on the floor, groaning in pain, he got out of the car, stepped around it to place his foot on the man’s chest and point his gun at his head.

He said nothing and just stared the trembling man down while he waited for the others to arrive. It only took Porsche and Kinn two seconds to catch up to him, and Vegas and Pete followed suit. “Stay down if you know what’s good for you,” Kim drawled uninterested and kept his gaze frosty. “It is very difficult to get a hold of you, Mr. Khleng, do you know that?” The man only now seemed to realize who was speaking to him and answered: “Khun Kim! I- I didn’t know it was you! I’m sorry for running, I didn’t know it was the Theerapanyakul family who was after me!” Kim only raised an eyebrow and let Kinn take over the role of the threatening mafiosi, stepping back and straightened his jacket.

“Mr. Khleng, we have got a very urgent matter to discuss with you, and I assume that you know that my cousin over here values honesty more than anything. It would be a grave disappointment to him if he found out that the information that you are about to give me are anything but true.” The man’s gaze shifted towards the man in the extravagant white suit with red applications at the neck that almost looked like aesthetically placed blood wounds. “Khun Vegas! Of- of course, I am a loyal servant to the Theerapanyakul family.” What a pitiful liar, Kim thought and rolled his eyes for the nth time that early morning. Then he reminded himself of what Chay had told him many times:

“P’Kim, don’t roll your eyes too much!” “Why not, angel, when my cousin is the epitome of stupidity?” Chay huffed and held out three fingers, before counting: “First of all, because he’s my roommate and my friend, and I don’t like it when you insult him. Second of all, you will get a headache from rolling your eyes back, and third of all, your eyes are too pretty to be hidden from me. So keep them open and look at me, understood?” The last sentence was said with a shy pout and Kim’s mouth fell open like a fish before he caught himself malfunctioning. A slow grin started showing on his face and he engulfed his embarrassed boyfriend in a hug, kidding his cheeks until Chay tried to free himself.

Since then, Kim had been trying his best to get rid of his habit. He couldn’t suppress the nostalgic smile that fled across his face when he remembered the compliment and Chay’s rosy cheeks. Unfortunately for the youngest Theerapanyakul, his boyfriend’s brother saw the split second of Kim being distracted, and seemed to guess what it was he was thinking about. “Simp,” he leaned over and whispered into his ears, to which Kim responded with a grim “let me, I miss him.” But it looked like Porsche had to have the last word in this conversation, and with mock-disgust he whispered: “Gross, that’s my brother we’re talking about.”

Kim was about to fire a petty answer back, but Kinn clearing his throat got them back to business in no time. The leader of the group looked disappointed in the two chatting men, and reminded Kim of an exasperated teacher or mother who had just saw their children do something naughty. Porsche shrugged his shoulders, not really feeling sorry for what he had done, and Kim gestured over to Mr. Khleng. Kinn rolled his eyes – apparently Porsche had never given his boyfriend such a sweet chiding like Chay had – and turned back around.

“Are we clear?” Kim had completely missed the entire conversation but thankfully, Mr. Khleng had paid very close attention to what Kinn had just told him and nodded vigorously. “Of course, Khun Kinn.” “Good. We don’t want to have such a mess up like last time now, do we?” “Of course not, Khun Kinn. I will do my very best that this time, everything will happen to your liking.” A court nod is all he got as a reply, and Kinn let the trembling man go, who didn’t look back once on his way out of the street, only once bumping into Vegas and Kim was pretty sure that the man nearly peed his pants at the icy glare he received from the Theerapanyakul with the sharpest cheekbones.

After Mr. Khleng had fled the scene, Kinn turned around and rose his eyebrows in question. With his hands pressed into his sides, he truly embodied the role of the stern mother. “Seriously guys?” When he didn’t get an answer or even just a ‘sorry’, Kinn turned around to look at Vegas, who was straightening out his suit that Mr. Khleng had ruffled up. “Did you do it?” Vegas gave a look that basically screamed ‘You think I’m stupid, cousin?’ and showed his phone. On the screen, the group could see the GPS tracker that he had placed on Mr. Khleng when they had bumped into each other. The dot was moving further and further through the streets.

“Great,” Kinn evaluated the situation. “You two,” he pointed at Vegas and Pete, “will follow him and inform Kim of his every move. If we find out where their base is, we can take over from there. Remember to always use the burner phone and be careful of who you’re talking to.” The four men had heard this speech a million times by now. But even though they knew the rules by heart, they never interrupted Kinn, as they could see how difficult this was for him. Porsche stood next to his boyfriend and rubbed comforting circles onto his back. “Everything will be fine, Kinn.” The older nodded and inhaled deeply. “I really hope so, too.” “We’ve been doing well for so long now, we’re almost done.”

All five of them stood there in the dark alley behind the fancy establishment, and stared at the ground in silence, each of them lost in their thoughts. “Come on, we should go home now.” Kim furrowed his brows when Porsche wanted to end the evening so quickly. “Aren’t you going to come with us to the next stop?” but Porsche shook his head. “We have to get up early tomorrow for the meeting with the Home Secretary. You three go to bed as well, especially you, Kim. You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

Kim hadn’t. He had been exhausted but unable to relax ever since he left Chay for his trip to Japan two weeks ago. And now, he had come back three days ago because they had gotten a pretty good lead on Mr. Khleng. But even though Kim had been elated when he found out they had tracked the man down, finally, after months and months, he couldn’t relax. The timer on his phone showed less than forty-eight hours left until Chay would get his lab results. He knew that he wouldn’t get any sleep until then anyway, so he might as well start the next job.

“I think I won’t go home yet. I have looked at another case that would be easy enough to pull off, I think I’ll finish it tonight.” Kinn looked conflicted. Of course, they wanted to get everything done as quickly as possible, but Kim had been throwing himself into the job for over fifteen months now and would have to slow down to avoid making mistakes. “Which case do you mean?” Kim reached into the VW Passat and pulled out a blue file.

The blue files were related to drugs and smuggling, and since this had always been Vegas’ area of expertise, the older frowned and peaked inside. “Why are we getting rid of our Chonburi contacts?” Kim answered with a stoic face: “We need a fresh start, and they aren’t loyal enough to be kept for now. We need to give the Home Secretary at least something if we want to be taken seriously and if we want to get the deal.”

He seemed to have convinced the others, and Pete slung his arm around Vegas’ waist before saying: “Do you want us to come with you? Even if it’s basic, you might need some help.” “No thank you, the less people are involved, the less likely it is for us to be seen and identified.” “Okay,” Kinn said, “just don’t use your usual methods and we will cover for you if you are being recognized.” Kim nodded curtly and got into the VW Passat. Rolling the window down, he said: “Just make sure he doesn’t find out about this.” Kinn nodded solemnly. “We will.” “And keep an eye on Chay as well, will you? He’s quite stressed about his genetics exam.” Porsche smiled and Kim drove off.

On his passenger seat lay the two files. One of them was blue – the contact in Chonburi that used to work for the Theerapanyakuls, and a red one, where the name of Mr. Khleng was listed as the person that Korn Theerapanyakul had put in charge of the Thaung Khin sex trafficking ring. Tracking him down had proven to be very difficult. If there was one thing that Korn Theerapanyakul was notoriously known for, it was his love for chess and his efficiency when it came to employing people.

Kim and the rest of the group had been failing to get a hold of Mr. Khleng for the better part of a year now, and now that they were finally close to getting him, they wouldn’t let him go. The GPS tracker would hopefully lead them to the operating base of the ring. It had been tedious and meticulous work, but when Kim looked at his phone screen and saw Chay’s smile beaming back at him, he got his faith back that all of the hard work was worth it.

Because Chay deserved to live in a good world. He deserved to be surrounded by good people and not worry about guns and attacks. He was worth everything to Kim. And so it had been with a determined heart that fifteen months and eleven days ago, on the return of their cabin from Norway, that Kim had sat down with Kinn, Porsche, Vegas, and Pete, and the group had started to plan the downfall of his own father’s empire:

“Kinn, are you busy? I need to talk to you.” Kim was entering the living room area of the Kittisawasd house. At two a.m., the house was quiet and dark, and Kim was talking quietly as to not wake his sleeping boyfriend upstairs. Only now did Kim see Porsche and Pete sitting on the couch next to Kinn, both of them holding a bottle of beer and chatting amicably. Kinn had his right arm slung around his boyfriend’s shoulders and was holding a glass of amber scotch in his left. Upon his arrival, all three men looked up to Kim, who was standing next to the couches rather awkwardly. “In private?” asked Kinn, already getting ready to stand up and follow his younger brother to a secluded area. But he waved it off and said: “Actually you are all involved, so why not say it to you together.”

In that moment, Vegas exited the kitchen with a glass of red wine and some spicy snacks that he placed in front of Pete, earning him a kiss on the lips which made Porsche squeak in glee and the two brothers curl their lips in awkwardness. “Okay, what is it?” Kinn asked and gestured for the youngest to sit in one of the armchairs. He did so, but didn’t make use of the back rest, instead placing his elbows on his knees and leaning forward. This was a really awkward conversation and no matter how many times Kim had practiced his speech, he still didn’t want to say it out loud. “I… I don’t want to lose Chay again,” he started with a pointed look at Porsche, who looked pleased at hearing it. “And we all know at least to some extend what has been going through his head over the past year.” Kinn and Porsche nodded ruefully, and Vegas and Pete looked at each other, the first ones to guess where this was going. “And his safety matters most right now. I – but I also know that he loves you, Porsche, and doesn’t want to leave you.” The older looked ready to say that he wouldn’t dream of living without Chay, either, but Kim continued: “and you in turn are bound to Kinn, who is… bound to this family. So there is no way of me excluding Chay from this lifestyle without ripping both of you out as well.”

He looked down at his hands for a second and fumbled with his rings. He really didn’t know how to bring on the next part easily. “But I think there is a way of… of getting a bit of everything. How you don’t have to leave everything behind, but Chay can still be safe. I… I haven’t thought the details through, but for the last two months,” he was referring to the time period after Chay had returned to Bangkok to get his transplant, while Kim had stayed in Norway, “I have been thinking about it. I even already pulled some strings in Japan, and I have started negotiating with our market in China.” He knew that he wasn’t really making sense and was rambling, so he was glad when Vegas interrupted him and said: “You don’t want to get Chay out. Or Kinn out. Or Porsche. You want the whole family out.”

Kim exhaled and nodded, finally looking up to take in the reactions. Vegas had a stoic face, Pete was smiling understandingly, and Porsche looked surprised. Kinn… he looked deep in thought. “Kinn?” his brother tried tentatively, trying to put himself into the heir’s shoes. “I… I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought the same thing… it would… you know what that means though, right?” Kim pressed his lips together and looked into his brother’s eyes while nodding slowly. Kinn took a sip of scotch and wiped his face with his right hand before groaning.

“It wouldn’t be easy, you know that. And it would take time. And once started, we can’t simply change our minds and stop. It would take many negotiations and meetings, and we would have to give up on many things. Maybe even pay for it with our lives.” Vegas interrupted him, leaning his chin on his folded hands in thought. “Maybe not, though. If we do it clever, we can get a good deal out of it. Give the government all the information that we have in return for our freedom. We have many contacts that they have been looking for for ages, and we have insider knowledge that is valued at a high price.”

Silence filled the air for a while. All five of them were considering the proposal. They would become whistleblowers. Sell their entire lives to the government. Stop living in the underground. If everything went well, that is. It was Porsche who spoke out loud what all of them were thinking. “Your father won’t let us do that. He’s still the head of the family after all and is very careful. He has probably made deals that we aren’t even aware of. If… if we miss even one crucial contact, it could be everyone’s downfall.”

But Kim furrowed his brows in irritation and desperation. “Then he can’t find out about it. Or…” he looked at Kinn before saying, “or we kill him.” It was a harsh truth to be said out loud. No matter what, Kinn had always been the one who had the best connection to their father, and who, even after all this time, still had love left for the man who had betrayed his own sons many times. “I don’t know how we can pull it off, and I will need your help, but I want to do this… for Chay.”

This seemed to get the spirits up high, and the determination set. Porsche was the first to nod solemnly and to lift his beer in silent agreement. Next came Kinn, whose tight-lipped smile let on that he was on board but had many thoughts running through his head. Pete, who was mostly the silent observer and advice-giver – due to his many years of being a bodyguard – looked around and read the room and relaxed in his chair. Finally, Kim looked at Vegas, who out of all of them seemed to be weirdly happy about the prospect of ruining everybody’s lives forever. “So how do we go about this, then?”

Kim stayed with the other four until three a.m., discussing what would need to be done in what order and who should be included in the planning. Afterwards, it was with a light and hopeful heart that Kim slipped into bed next to Chay, who cuddled closer to him without even being conscious. But the soft sigh and hint of a good-dream-smile made Kim’s heart skip a beat, and he leaned down to press a kiss on the younger’s head. “Don’t worry angel, I will do whatever it takes to make this a world you deserve.”

Chapter Text

 June 29^th

Kim was both elated and exasperated at the same time. Ever since finding out last night that Chay was officially cured, he wouldn’t stop smiling and feel like the happiest person alive. And even though he had to try to stay hidden as much as possible, as both his father and his boyfriend believed he was in Japan, Kim couldn’t help himself but yearn for Chay’s presence after their phone call had ended.

“The doctor said that it worked, P’Kim. I’m cured.” These two sentences had made it impossible for the singer to fall asleep all night, and he had watched his sleeping angel for a long time onbthe little phone screen. He hated that Chay had slept in the tower last night. Otherwise, it would have been easy to slip into Chay’s bedroom and sneak a peek at the younger man. But with his father, many bodyguards and cameras present, Kim had to make do with the small screen next to his pillow.

Today, on June 29^th, Kim was waiting for a phone call from his cousin. Sitting in the warehouse by the docks, he was still happy, but also exasperated. The news of Chay’s health would make him feel happy for a long time, but not being able to celebrate with him made Kim grumpy. But their job was more important than being aloof right now. And Kim would give it his all to get it done. His phone buzzed and Kim picked it up without checking who was calling.

“Yes?” “We got news that they’re leaving soon,” Vegas snarled through the device, and Kim grunted an affirmative answer. “Good. Where are you right now?” “Still at his apartment, but he just said that they’ll move towards the south of town in an hour. He just finished a phone call and said that he would meet the truck later tonight.” “Okay, I’ll be there.” “How did the job at Chonburi go?” Kim had spent the entire day yesterday in the province, killing the people he couldn’t trust and collect their information that Kinn could sell to the Home Secretary in return for their freedom. The plan was to collect sensible data that would be of use for the government, and to trade it for the Theerapanyakul’s freedom of any charges. And the job at Chonburi had been a rather small and insignificant part of the deal.

“Easy, but the files that I got are practically useless. I sent two of the guys I kept alive to the safehouse in the East for questioning. Maybe you can have a go at them once this job is over.” Vegas agreed, and once they hung up, Kim got up from his position to drive downtown. The GPS tracker that Vegas had planted onto Mr. Khleng two nights ago had led them to an apartment that had been unknown to the family. Maybe – or probably – Kim’s father had known about the location, but Korn Theerapanyakul kept many things secret, even from his own sons. And these were most often the most criminal and dangerous contacts that were the most valuable to the government. If Kim and the rest of the group could give Mr. Khleng and the entire Thaung Khin sex trafficking ring to the authorities, it would be a big advantage for them to get onto the good graces of the politicians.

After Kim had convinced the others that they would overthrow Korn’s system, they had started digging through some stuff. Most of the files they had on their associates were known to any member of the family, but upon digging through Korn’s office, Kim had found some black files that he had never seen before. This color wasn’t used in their system. Drug deals were blue, prisoners and free lancers were green, politicians and police were brown, homicide was red. He had opened them and had found horrifying contacts and branches of the business that none of his brothers or cousins had known about.

They were used to death and illegal practices,  and all of them were sick in the mind, Vegas probably most of all. But Kinn, Pete and Kim had known violence all their life, and Porsche had slowly become accustomed to their life as well. But the content of these five black files had made all of their hearts drop. Sex trafficking, child prostitution and slavery were not what the Theerapanyakul cousins supported. Reading the proof that their father was involved in such hideous crimes – not out of necessity, but for economic benefit! – had been the final grain of rice to tip the scale. They had to get everybody out of this.

It had been Porsche who had found out that Mr. Khleng worked for the Myanmar ring. He was a contact that Korn had employed to organize the kidnappings and selling to Thaung Khin. And because Kim’s father mustn’t find out about their plan to overthrow his system, it had been impossible for Kinn and his fellow teammates to just go for the leader himself. Korn was in close contact with Thaung Khin, and so they had to make do with the smaller henchman Mr. Khleng.

Once they had located Mr. Khleng’s apartment, Vegas and Pete had installed a bug in the kitchen area, and Kim’s cousin had been in charge of telling the youngest when they would get moving. The bi-annual drop-off of new ‘merchandise’ would happen tonight at the usual place, and it would be their only chance of getting close to Thaung Khin. If they killed him behind the restaurant, Korn wouldn’t know it was his own sons who had done it. They could easily blame one of the smaller gangs for it, and Korn would in turn kill them. Two birds, one stone. They could get rid of Thaung Khin and another rivalling gang at once.

Meeting with Mr. Khleng two nights ago had been for two reasons: first of all, to track his movements and to get more information on him. The bug in his kitchen could hopefully get Kinn and the rest some valuable information that they didn’t have yet. When they had looked through the files of his father’s contract with Thaung Khin, they had talked about it at length. Maybe the meeting place that had been put in the files was a scam. Maybe Korn had put it there to distract of the real meeting place, because he was a paranoid bastard. So bugging Mr. Khleng had been the safest option.

The other reason was that Kinn had warned the man to not bring any new ‘merchandise’ to tonight’s drop-off. They wanted to get Thaung Khin but wouldn’t be able to do so if there were dozens of young men and women on the field. While Kim and Porsche had bickered with each other, the heir to the family throne had installed into Mr. Khleng’s head that he had to call for the usual meeting, but the trucks were to be empty.

Right now, Kim was sitting in a little café in downtown Bangkok, looking out the window and paid attention to any man that looked like Mr. Khleng. He didn’t have the best of disguises but had tried to dress down to blend into the masses. And because most people were at ground level and didn’t look up a lot, the singer had taken a seat at the floor above ground. The frog-green book that Tankhun had gag-gifted for his birthday was used as a believable reason for him being there, and the burner phone on the small table was opened to their little group chat.

Vegas (16:45)

     Are you still with your father?

Kinn (16:45)

     Just left, he doesn’t look like he suspects anything. But Tankhun will stay and keep him busy tonight so that he won’t notice us gone.

Vegas (16:46)

     Khleng just left his apartment. Pete and I are following him.

Porsche (16:46)

     Pete is shit at stakeouts – you should have left him home 😉

Pete (16:46)

     Fuck you too, Porsche.

Kinn (16:47)

     Hey, focus! We are leaving soon as well; Arm can have a look at the GPS tracker and we’ll meet you at their hiding place.

Vegas (16:48)

     Fuck, we lost him!

Kim (16:48)

     Wdym you lost him?! Where are you??

Vegas (16:48)

     We were following him down the main road, when we were wiretapping him earlier, he had been on the phone with someone and said that he would inspect the  truck in an hour. He must be on his way there, but we just lost him behind some stalls. He must have slipped through the crowd.

Kinn (16:49)

     Fuck. Does he still have the GPS tracker on him?

Pete (16:49)

     No tracker. He put on a different jacket.

Kim (16:50)

     I’m on my way now. Was sitting at the café and didn’t see him walk past us. I’ll try to find him and the truck.

He swiftly got up from the chair and took his jacket. When he left the building, he checked his phone again and saw that Vegas and Pete would search in the north of the area, while Kim would take the south. Kinn and Porsche would split up and try to find the lost man from the East and West. If he had snitched to Thuang Khin that there was a plan of ambushing tonight’s drop-off, they would have to find him as soon as possible. Not only could the Myanmar mafiosi tell Korn about his sons’ disobedience, but the drop-off could also actually happen.

Stumbling through the streets of Bangkok, Kim’s phone buzzed and he accepted the group call. “Where did you see him last?” Porsche opened the conversation and Pete answered. “Between two stalls at the food market, he turned left and into some alleyways.” Kinn talked next and said that Arm was looking at the street map of this part of the city. “There is a club nearby where you must have lost him, and the street behind it leads towards a gas station. Maybe he’s on his way there.” Kim now couldn’t afford to pay attention to his disguise, and he sincerely hoped that nobody recognized him in the streets while he was running.

“Shit,” they all simultaneously cursed when it started to rain harder. “We have to find him,” Porsche insisted, and they all hummed in agreement. If they didn’t, that would have fatal consequences. “Don’t kill him just yet if you find him,” Kinn reminded them. “We have to keep him alive for questioning.” They all hung up and continued their search through the narrow streets.

Kim wasn’t religious. Neither were his brothers. Vegas seemed to be drawn to the peace-teaching core of Buddhism, probably out of hope that his sins would be forgiven, but right now, Kim found himself praying for the first time in a while. He prayed that they would find Mr. Khleng. That they weren’t too late and that the truck was indeed empty. He prayed that his father wouldn’t find out about their plan to rat him out to the authorities, and prayed that Chay would forgive him for lying about being in Japan. All he was doing right now, what he had been doing for the past fifteen months, was for his boyfriend.

Kim stopped under the shielding protruding roof of a building when he got another message. Found him was all that Pete had texted in addition to his shared location. Kim immediately bolted towards the spot, where he found Vegas and Pete kneeling over the bleeding body of Mr. Khleng, who was holding up his hands as face protection of Vegas’ punches. Just as Kim rounded the corner, Kinn and Porsche joined them from the other side.

“Tell me, you fucker!” Vegas yelled in English and tightened his grip on the lapels of Mr. Khleng’s jacket. “I said the truth!” he whimpered back. “Why were you running? We know you are on the way to inspect the truck, where is it? Why do you need to inspect it?” Mr. Khleng started moving like a fish out of water when Kinn pointed his gun at the head. “I…” “SPEAK!” “I promise I tried to tell them that we weren’t shipping any people tonight! I specifically told my men to not put anybody in the truck! But… I think they didn’t listen, so I just wanted to quickly check before the meeting tonight!” “Where is the truck?” Porsche asked in a stern tone, trying to keep his composure.

“I… usually I inspect the truck at the outskirts of town, behind a camping spot in the East.” Vegas leaned closer and calmly hissed: “Then why were you running just now? I assume that it is rather difficult to walk these twenty-something miles, am I right?” Mr. Khleng lifted his hands in defenselessness. “I had a feeling that somebody was following me, but I had no idea it would be you, I promise I have nothing to hide!”

“Why are you inspecting the truck this early when the drop-off won’t happen for another six hours?” Mr. Khleng looked over to Kim who had asked the question. He had tears in his eyes and swallowed, knowing fully well that his next sentence would be his death warrant. “I… I got a text message an hour ago saying that some parts of the plan have changed. The driver texted me and said that today’s load comes from Lopburi, and that the inspection would happen there.”

The five men looked at each other. They stood almost frozen, and to an outsider, the only indication that this wasn’t a still-standing photo, was the falling rain. Then, out of nowhere, Pete lunched forward and placed a precise and well-trained right hook at Mr. Khleng’s jaw. The man groaned in pain and Kim was sure he heard a bone crack. “You fucker! What do you mean today’s load?! I thought the truck was empty!” Mr. Khleng shrunk together with every shouted syllable and was only being held in place by Vegas.

“I don’t know! He… the driver- he didn’t say anything else, and I tried to call him to tell him that he had to set the girls and boys free, but he didn’t pick up his phone.” Now it was Kim who lunged forward and peeled the man out of his cousin’s grasp, lifting him onto his feet and above ground. Pressing Mr. Khleng to the wall, he hissed: “You will do exactly what we tell you, got it? You will tell us where the truck is, and you will accompany us to the location in Lopburi, where you will fix this fucking mess.”

They were speeding across the highway through the rain that was punching the car. Kim, Vegas and Pete were sitting in the seek BMW with Mr. Khleng in tow, a gun pointed at his head at all times. Kinn and Porsche were back at the tower, because Korn might otherwise suspect something going on. Kim looked at his phone. Seven thirty. Mr. Khleng said that every drop-off happened at a precise time: eleven thirty in the evening. They wouldn’t have long to inspect the truck and send it to Bangkok in order to not raise any suspicion.

“Over here, turn right.” Pete followed Vegas’ directions and changed lanes to get to a secluded area at the outskirts of town. They would first take a look from the distance before confronting the drivers to open the back of the truck. If there were indeed some kids and young adults in the back, they would quickly set them free before ordering the drivers to lead the way to the restaurant where the drop-off happened.

But right now, the four men in the BMW looked around with wide eyes. “I… I swear it should be here!” Mr. Khleng pointed at his phone that Kim had taken away from him. The youngest double checked the message that the driver had sent. Yes, the truck was supposed to be inspected here. Then why was the place empty and no truck in sight?! Then it dawned on them. Something must have gone completely wrong. Maybe Mr. Khleng had told Korn something – although that seemed very unlikely – or maybe the mafiosi had figured something out himself. One thing was for sure: the truck wasn’t here. It was probably filled with people to be shipped off to Myanmar tonight. And it would probably happen much sooner than eleven thirty tonight.

“Fuck!” Vegas yelled and slammed his hand onto the dashboard. Pete looked at wits end, and Kim tried to calm his heart down. “Okay, change of plans. Vegas, you call Kinn and Porsche. Tell them to get to Vibhavadi Rangsit Road. Say that the drop-off will happen much earlier and that we’re on our way.” Pete was already starting the car and turned it around to get back to Bangkok. Vegas pulled out his phone and relayed the message to the couple, who cursed at the news and promised to be on the lookout for the truck behind the restaurant. In the background, Kim also heard Porsche saying something about texting Chay to raincheck on dinner tonight.

Kim’s heart jumped and he yelled: “Porsche! Where is Chay?” All he could think of was that it was very likely for there to be a blood bath tonight. “He’s studying at home and is probably out grocery shopping right now.” Kim’s eyes widened. “He has to go home! We don’t know wha-” “Hey, Kimmy, relax,” he heard his older brother’s comforting voice. “Don’t panic, Chay’s fine. Remember, we are going to Vibhavadi Rangsit Road. That’s far away from his place, and Porsche is texting him. And even if he’s out shopping right now, he will turn around soon once he finds out that we are cancelling dinner. Don’t worry.”

Still, Kim couldn’t help but feel like something would go wrong.

At nine fifteen in the evening, the BMW pulled into the small dead-end road. Kim’s eyes hardened instantly, taking in the scene in front of them. The back of the restaurant was clear, no truck was in sight. Yet. Or maybe… and he didn’t want to finish that thought… maybe they were already too late. But Kinn and Porsche had been at this place for almost two hours, and nothing had happened so far. The couple was hidden in the shadows and between some big dumpsters, on foot, drenched in the pouring rain, but never abandoning their positions. Their car was parked a few blocks away. Kim, Vega, Pete, and Mr. Khleng were sitting in the BMW behind a corner that had just enough space to look at the dead-end road. Kim had been nervous for an entirety of thirty minutes on their ride here, until Porsche had messaged him, saying that Chay had received his message and was on his way back home.

That was about half an hour ago. By now, the younger was probably safely tucked into bed, or more likely, hunched over his genetics book snacking on some chocolate. “Look!” he was pulled out of his thoughts when Pete pointed to their right, where out of a small road, a black car emerged. The license plate, if not the entire car, was probably stolen, and Kim assumed that this was the Myanmar drivers that would take over for the ride across the border. Mr. Khleng had told them that the drop-off always happened in a pattern:

The drivers arrived in a car that had been stolen from somewhere, and Mr. Khleng’s drivers would hand over the truck in return for the car, which they then drove back to where the foreigners had gotten it from. Sometimes it was the truck that arrived first, and sometimes it was Thaung Khin’s men. Either way, it was always two men per party. And it looked like today, the Myanmar men were there first. Which probably wasn’t very good, Kim thought. If the truck had arrived first, they would have had the time to unload it before things inevitably got ugly.  

Vegas started to whisper into his phone which was on a call with Kinn. “Cousin, looks like the Myanmar drivers are here first.” Kinn and Porsche, who couldn’t see the parked car from their position by the boxes and dumpsters, whispered back: “Fuck. Okay, plan B it is then.” Plan B said that the group would wait until the truck would arrive, and Porsche or Pete would be responsible for opening the back of the truck while the rest of them took care of the drivers.

Just when Kinn finished his sentence, Kim could see the black truck pull into the road from his left. Their BMW was parked strategically in the dark, and so the truck drivers didn’t notice the men they were passing. The big vehicle drove all the way through the road and into the wide circle near Kinn and Porsche, where it turned around and got into the perfect position to flee the scene without having to back up. From the shadows, the Myanmar drivers got out of their car and walked over to the truck, and Vegas whispered in his phone: “Kinn, they got guns. Two barettas and probably a few knives. Taller one seems to be right-handed.” Kim admired his cousin’s eyes which zoomed in on every small detail as soon as the target was in sight.

“Pete, take Khleng,” the youngest whispered and quiet like a mouse and slick like a snake, he wiggled out of the car and into the alleyway. It was about twenty meters away from the truck, and as much as he would have liked to start shooting, he kept to the plan they had established throughout the car ride. With quick and precise steps, he glided along the wall towards the now empty car of the Myanmar thugs. He couldn’t see his brother and boyfriend, but was sure that they were somewhere in the shadows near the rear of the truck. Kim’s job was simple: get towards the car and block their exit through the small alley. There was another small passage on the other side, but it was too full for any cars, let alone a truck, to fit through.

Once he had blocked the way, he would wait for Kinn and Porsche’s sign to slice the tires. But no matter how elaborated their plan was, it wouldn’t be followed. Because of one variable. Everything in the street was quiet except for the pouring rain that Kim tried to ignore on his way to the car. The two foreigners had just reached the truck and started yelling at it in their heavy accents. “Hey, open up, our turn.” And just as the truck drivers were about to exit their vehicle – the perfect time for Vegas, Kinn and Kim to shoot them while Porsche took care of the people in the back of the truck – they heard it.

It was very short and barely audible, but still enough for the four criminals to flinch. “BE CAREFU-” That was Khleng from the back of Pete’s BMW, trying to warn the traffickers of the upcoming attack. His yelling was cut short, probably due to Pete punching the man, but it was too late. He had been heard. Instantly, multiple things happened at the same time: the truck drivers kickstarted their vehicle, causing it to squeak and roar under the pressure, and the Myanmar men started sprinting back towards their car, and therefor, Kim.

The youngest acted on instinct and pulled the trigger on them, and four quick-fired bullets were placed in their torsos. His heart was racing, and his head whipped to the side, where the truck was getting ready to speed past him. Thankfully, Pete acted just as quickly as Kim, and the BMW jumped forward to block the way. The truck’s passenger leaned out of the window and pointed his gun towards the sleek car, firing shot after shot. Before anyone could even process what was going on, Kim felt a bullet flying past him, and saw that Kinn had shot the back of the passenger’s head. Kim looked over to his older brother and his heart jumped when he saw it:

The back of the truck had opened from the inside, and Porsche and Kinn, still in the dead-end by the restaurant’s back door, had no way out due to the truck being put to an abrupt stop by Pete. Kim heard the yelling and shrieks of many people, and the two men were getting shot at by people from the inside of the truck. It wasn’t just the victims in there; some thugs had hidden with them, anticipating the ambush! His brother and brother-in-law weren’t firing any more bullets, and Kim was sure he heard Kinn yell “Don’t shoot, children!” Instead of attacking the opponents, the two men were crouching behind some dumpsters to not accidentally shoot the wrong people.

With his whole body acting purely on instinct and reflexes, Kim jumped into action and rounded the truck with three quick steps. “KIM! NO!” he heard Porsche yell, but it was too late. The youngest had already gripped the right swing door and used the momentum from his sprint to swiftly fly into the back of the truck. He didn’t take notice of much. He just saw the two men with rifles that were pointed at his family, and reacted. He had thrown his gun away when he had jumped inside and had to rely on his other fighting skills. The space was limited. and Kim could see the trembling, barely covered bodies and frightened screams of people that were crumped together.

The element of surprise worked in Kim’s favor. The first of two men was thrown outside within a second, and Kim trusted his brother to shoot him on sight. The other one proved to be more difficult. Kim had to jump back to avoid being shot. The bullet that was meant to embed itself in his head flew past Kim and lodged into the wall behind the restaurant. He didn’t manage to get a good grip of the man, and Kim clenched his teeth, punching and dodging with all his might. In the back of his mind, he registered the truck starting to move, but had to focus to not lose his footing during the fight.

The wheels squeaked on the wet asphalt and started racing forward, forcing the two fighting men apart. He was about to jump forward in order to grab the man, or at least his rifle, when out of Kim’s peripheral vision, he saw a person lunging forward and tackle the man out of the truck with a loud war-cry.

The person had miscalculated their jump, probably due to the truck moving, and had tipped Kim over, who fell onto the thin carpet that was covering the truck’s floor. His head whipped up quickly when he heard two shots, and just a second before they turned into the small road where moments before the Myanmar car had parked, Kim could see the intertwined bodies of the thug who had tried to kill Kim and the fragile body of a sparsely clad girl rolling over the wet asphalt.

Not thirty seconds had passed since Khleng had betrayed them and had warned the criminals, and many things had happened so far: both Myanmar criminals as well as the truck’s passenger driver were dead. Kim couldn’t see it from his perspective, but he was sure that Vegas had also shot the driver. “KIM?! ARE YOU THERE?!” he heard his brother’s voice roar through the truck, and Kim figured that he had taken a seat in the driver’s seat and was now leading them away from the scene.

“KINN! WAIT, TURN AROUND! THERE’S A GIRL OUT THERE!” He struggled to get a foothold at the ground, but turned around nonetheless. What he saw made him nauseous. He was sharing the back of the truck with at least twenty young people, all dressed in black underwear. Most of them had bruises on their faces and their wrists, and looked so frightened that Kim was sure they would drop dead if he did as much as look at them. The oldest of the group couldn’t be older than twenty years old, and Kim’s stomach turned. “KINN!” he yelled once more and made his way over to the front of the truck, which was still closed off by a thick wall. But he was closer to his brother and could hear him better. “NO, THE COPS ARE ON THE WAY.” “KINN, SHE FELL OFF AND MIGHT HA-” “NO! IT’S TOO LATE, THE PARAMEDICS WILL HAVE TO DO IT.” “KINN!” “I SAID NO!” Silence. Kim was ready to disagree when his older brother said softly: “I’m sorry Kim, there’s nothing we can do.” He had no other choice but to accept his fate.

Chapter Text

June 29^th

“What the hell happened?!” Kim yelled when he got out of the truck on wobbling legs, ignoring the fact that twenty-something people were in hearing range. They had parked at the outskirts of town in an area where they knew that no cameras were installed, curtsy of Vegas who had guided Kinn to the secluded area on the phone. But Kim’s question was ignored by his older brother, who quickly rounded the truck after having parked it, and hugged the life out of his little brother. “Uuffff,” was all he could press out when being squeezed by his bigger, stronger, and more muscular brother, who burrowed his face in his neck and mumbled: “You stupid piece of shit, you could have died!” Kim, not used to any form of physical affection from his family, felt awkward and tried to break out of the unwanted embrace. Deep down, he knew exactly why Kinn was hugging him: it had been years since their last mission together, and Kinn hadn’t seen his younger brother holding a gun in ages. Seeing him jump into a truck with two heavily armed men wasn’t something that Kinn’s brain wanted to process.

“Kinn?” The youngest was saved by Porsche, who stepped out of the black car that the Myanmar drivers had used and pried his boyfriend off of Kim. “We need to focus, okay? What do we do with the kids?” He nodded upwards to the group of people who were huddling in the truck, tears streaming down their faces and none of them wanted to be close to the exit, where the three men were standing.

The sight was enough for Kinn to pull himself together, and he stood up straight, addressing the kidnapped victims: “Hello, you don’t have to be scared anymore, we aren’t going to hurt you.” Kim blended the rest of the talk out. Instead, he saw Vegas and Pete rolling onto the field in their BMW that was pierced with bullets. Before the car had come to a full stop, Vegas opened the door and stepped out, closely followed by Pete. “Hey, how are you?” Kim looked his cousin up and down before replying: “I think I should be the one asking that question.” Vegas was drenched in blood. His entire shirt was unrecognizable and probably too soiled to be saved. But it didn’t look like it was his own blood. Vegas waved it off and furrowed his brows in annoyance.

“Khleng started yelling and Pete knocked him over when it all happened.” His boyfriend continued with a grave look on his face. “When the truck was about to escape, I pulled forward to block the way before getting out to get a better aim. Vegas shot the truck driver and Kinn or Porsche got the passenger who decided to turn this baby into a Swiss cheese.” He tilted his head at the BMW. “Kinn was covering for you and Porsche ran over to the car,” he pointed at the Myanmar car that Kim had initially stood next to, “and then the sirens went off.”

Vegas furrowed his brows and said: “Porsche took the car and Kinn took the truck. But just when we thought everything was fine, Khleng jumped up.” He sighed and ruffled his hair, clearly blaming himself for what happened. “Turns out the fucker only faked being knocked out. He managed to get one shot out before I shot him.” He gestured at himself and the bloody ensemble. “He… It was quite dark so I can’t tell for sure who he hit, but there were two people tumbling out of the truck when you turned around the corner.”

Kim swallowed and looked down. “He hit the girl.” Pete widened his eyes. “What girl?!” “She saved me. Jumped and tackled the dude that was about to shoot me. They both fell off and…” he inhaled a shaky breath and let the sentence run on, unable to voice his thoughts. “Fuck,” whispered Pete and Vegas locked his jaw before going ballistic and kicking the gravel they stood on. “FUCK!” He couldn’t contain his anger, and it was up to Pete to forcefully wrap him into a hug and calm him down. “It’s oka-” “NO IT’S FUCKING NOT!” “VEGAS!” Pete held his raging face in his small yet strong hands, and Kim witnessed the exchange in awe. “Calm down, you’re scaring them.” He didn’t say who was meant by that, but they all knew he was talking about the young people who were one-by-one stepping out of the truck, guided by Kinn and Porsche.

Kim took in the sight of Pete and Vegas, remembering every single second of it. Was this how he behaved sometimes? He knew that he wasn’t much different from Vegas. He had by far the cruellest history between the three brothers, and was known to be ruthless whenever he engaged in a fight. His psychopathic traits were far from as well-established as Vegas’, but… he was a monster just like his cousin used to be. He had killed, maimed, and tortured before finally getting out of the business. But he feared that it would haunt him for the rest of his life. Would Chay always have to be on alert just like Pete was? Would he carry the burden of calming Kim down whenever it all got too much? Would Kim one day, out of nowhere, suddenly lash out on his boyfriend and hurt him physically? He had never seen Pete’s chest, but knew from his brother that Vegas had pulled a number on the former bodyguard. But Chay… he was so frail, so weak, so not used to the violence and lawlessness of Kim’s life. And yet his little angel was stronger than all of them together.

“Okay,” Kinn exhaled and took a sip of his scotch before looking around. “Let’s see where we are right now.” They were sitting in one of Vegas’ warehouses, the one where Kim had sat this morning while waiting for his command to go to the café. A lot had happened since then, and the day was draining the group, who still had to debrief. Everybody sat on the ground with dark expressions and empty eyes, while Kinn was trying to keep them together.

“So. Who knows how many exact casualties there were? What will the press and father know?” Porsche cleared his throat and counted: “The two truck drivers are definitely dead. The driver is lying on the ground and the police has found him.” “Yeah, I pushed him out when I got into the truck. Hopefully this will distract father enough and he will assume that it was two different gangs. What about the others?” The passenger driver of the truck was still sitting in his seat, as Kinn hadn’t had the time to push him out before mounting the vehicle. They would have to get rid of the body soon.

“When Khleng started shouting, the Myanmar drivers started running towards me and I shot them. Definitely dead as well.” “Okay, so four dead so far, but the police only know about three. That’s good, father will assume that they were the only ones who were fighting and won’t suspect us. What about the rest? The ones that were in the back of the truck?”

Kim sat up straight and looked up from his cigarette. “I pushed one of them outside just when I jumped in, but didn’t shoot him. Did you do that?” He asked his brother who furrowed his brows, thinking back to the moment. “I… I did shoot him, but I’m not sure if it was fatal or not. I started running to the front of the truck.” “Okay, so we have to assume that he’s still alive. Maybe the fall itself had been deadly, but who knows. Anyway, if he’s still alive and father finds out about this, he won’t be able to tell him anything relevant.” That was probably true. Kim had been so quick that it would have been impossible for the man to see and identify Kim’s face.

His phone buzzed, and Kim was glad for the distraction. After all the trial and error of the day, his face lit up for the first time in a while when he read the message.

     Hi P’Kim, I miss you, please send me a picture of you from the concert!!!

But since he didn’t exactly have the time to scroll through his gallery feed for a fitting photo, he just texted an excuse about being stuck in an interview for a while, promising to send a picture later. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Porsche peeking over and remembering something. “Shit, I have to text Chay that we aren’t coming home yet.” With that, he also pulled his phone out and typed a short message.

“What about the other? With the… with the girl?” Kim looked down again, pulled out of his lovely Chay bubbly by Kinn’s neutral question, but forced himself to start speaking. “Uuuhhhh, I didn’t shoot him. The girl pushed him out and got pulled along.”  He cleared his throat, uncomfortable that the rest of the guys could see the tears welling in his eyes. “Uuuuh, I think he had enough time to see my face. If he’s still alive, he… he could run to father and we are fucked.” Silence filled the empty warehouse. It was too much for Kim to handle, and so he tried to change the subject.

“What about Khleng? You said you shot him?” Vegas nodded. “Yeah. He… he got one bullet out before I shot him, he’s still in the back of the BMW. We have to get rid of the car, there’s too much blood on the seats. Your father will find out about this.” Kinn nodded and pulled out a little notepad where he wrote down their next steps. “Okay, so we have to get rid of the bodies. Vegas and Pete, you take Khleng and set him as well as the car on fire. Do it in one of the rivalling gangs’ territories so that father will think they were responsible. Porsche and I will take care of the Myanmar passenger driver and the truck. Tomorrow, I am going to see my father so see how much he knows, and Vegas, you are going to call the home secretary for a meeting.”

Vegas rolled his eyes, obviously hating the idea of being stuck with boring politicians for a change. But Kinn would be having enough to do trying to get Korn off their backs. “Tell him about the kids, I already issued a drive to their homes in Lopburi, and that we are going to send him the remaining files as soon as we’re done dealing with the other guys. That reminds me,” Kinn said and looked at Kim who just finished his cigarette, “you are on press duty. Find out how much the press knows. Vegas will try to get the home secretary to agree on keeping things lowkey, but I assume that the reporters are already at the scene and are broadcasting. Try to find out if the two guys from the inside of the truck are still alive. If they are, bring them to the safehouse where we can question them. Hopefully they can reveal the last bits of the puzzle. If they worked for Khleng, they might know stuff about father that could be useful. Other than that, you’re still officially in Japan and on tour, so keep up the appearance and stay under the radar.”

Kim usually hated it when people ordered him around. It had been one of the first reasons for him to leave the family business and become independent. But over the past fifteen months, he and Kinn had learned to work together and to swallow down their anger whenever their opinions clashed. It wasn’t like Kim didn’t see his older brother as a figure of authority, but he preferred it when he was in charge and could make choices himself. But every time he clenched his fists or tightened his jaw, whenever he had to do something Kinn’s way, he reminded himself of the fact that he was doing all of this for Chay.

So he quickly relaxed his fists and wiped the frown off his face, instead taking a more submissive position and nodding in agreement. But when he got ready to stand up and start working, Kinn interrupted his plans. “Not now, Kimmy.” The nickname slipped and stopped the youngest in his tracks. But Kinn didn’t look apologetic. “We’ve been awake for far too long now. Just get the most important things done and do the rest tomorrow, okay? We could all use some sleep.”

June 30^th

Kim had slept much longer than he had planned. He missed his alarm clock and cursed when he saw that he hadn’t slept the wanted four hours, but a full six hours. Now, at eight a.m., he was running through the streets, veins pumped with two cups of dark coffee to keep him awake. He had come back late, at around two a.m. His blood had been filled with adrenaline and he hadn’t been able to go back to his dark, empty apartment directly after their debrief. But the cruising through the streets and sending Chay an encouraging text message had helped him calm down. Enough to oversleep – something that Kim hadn’t done since finishing high school.

He had already been at the restaurant, and was now on his way to the hospital. He had inspected the dead-end street for evidence and left-overs that the police might have overseen. But nothing. They had taken out the bullets that were embedded in the wall, and had probably taken pictures of the tracks and DNA traces. But Kim was confident that Vegas could get the authorities to not prosecute the Theerapanyakuls if they were lucky enough to identify them as the killers. Vegas wasn’t as much of a diplomat as Kinn, but his cousin knew how to persuade people quite well.

On his phone, Kim had already checked the news reports. These were much trickier than the police. Because all articles that were already out there were public knowledge, and couldn’t be fabricated in hindsight. At least not without the involvement of a much more influential person. And Kim couldn’t ask his father to use one of his favors.

The articles spoke of four dead people and two heavily injures victims. That meant that the two men in the back of the truck had indeed survived. And at least one of them had been able to see Kim’s face. So if he indeed happened to make a full recovery, he could run to Korn and their plan of overthrowing his system from the shadows would be over.

So Kim was making his way towards the nearest hospital, where he assumed they had brought the men to. After quickly checking in with Kinn that their father seemed to be surprised by the shooting in their territory, Kim felt like he would be safe to walk into the hospital to check on the patients and maybe even kidnap them already. His signature undercover outfit – a dark jacket over a pair of basic jeans and a cap on his head – made him blend in and not raise any attention as WIK. But when he went through the electric doors and entered the building, his brain suddenly flooded with a strange sensation.

All of his senses worked at all times of the day. Most of the time though, Kim didn’t need to pay too much attention to every single one of them. But the sudden familiar smell of coconut shampoo and something underlying made Kim’s head snap up. For a split second, he thought that he was smelling Chay! The shampoo itself was pretty common, and Kim smelled it quite often when he was walking down the streets, but the natural smell of his boyfriend made him whip his head around. But since the lobby was full of people and he had to keep his head low at all times, Kim quickly discharged that thought. Maybe somebody just used a similar perfume or smelled alike.

He quickly made his way inside and looked around before swiftly entering a door that read ‘personnel only’. He was glad that he had had the foresight of checking the building plan before leaving his apartment in the morning. It saved him time and before Kim knew it, he was wearing a white coat and sterile face mask. His black hair was tucked underneath a pink cap when he exited the little changing room, and Kim made his way to the front desk of the lobby. It only took him five or six steps to get to the area, but it was enough time for him to chose the least experienced worker behind one of the computers. The man was wearing a purple outfit and was looking very insecure. Time for Kim’s acting talent to shine. With swift moves, he walked straight towards the man.

“Hi, I was called in last minute for the surgery on the two shooting victims of last night. But whoever gave me the call didn’t tell me which room they are staying in.” The man looked ready to say that he was just an intern and had practically no idea of what to do, but Kim’s rising, impatient eyebrows made him reconsider and move toward the computer. “Uuuuh, yes… the shooting at… Vibhavadi Rangsit Road. Yes. Room 124 and 125. Surgery is scheduled in three hours.”

Kim nodded before remembering something. “And what about the dead victim? Has their family been contacted already?” The sight of the girl falling off the truck had kept Kim awake for a long time last night, and no matter how much it hurt him, he wanted to see her one last time. He owed his life to her.

The intern looked back at his computer. “Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to contact anybody yet. The police didn’t find any ID. They’re in room 126.” Kim nodded and asked for the room as well, before taking off. As much as he had to fulfil his task and look for the survivors, his heart compelled him to visit the girl first. So he walked down the cold corridor and inhaled deeply before opening the door to room 126 on the first floor. It was eerily quiet inside, and the atmosphere was heavy and weighed down by the presence of death. Kim had seen many dead bodies in his life, many of which he had been responsible for, but for some reason, walking through the door of room 126 was a path more difficult than he would have thought. The room was quite long, with a window straight ahead through which the morning traffic could be heard. But Kim didn’t pay the honking cars any attention, instead he looked at the pristine white blanket covering the entire body of the person laying inside the bed.

He would never admit that his hands were trembling when he removed the fabric, preparing himself to see the emotionless face of the girl that had saved him. And although he anticipated it and tried to suppress it, his heart jumped nonetheless when he did it. Because in the bed lay not the girl. Kim was looking at the face of a man, one that he knew very well. It was he one who had fought him inside the truck, the one that the girl had pushed outside with a loud cry. His eyes were closed, and rigor mortis had turned his face hard like a stone.

What the hell? Kim didn’t know how long he stood there with the corner of the blanket in his frozen hand. Why was…? And then Kim remembered the title of the news article: Four dead and two heavily injured. He gasped. Four dead. The two Myanmar thugs that he had killed, the truck driver, and this man. Not the girl! She was… she was one of the injured people! She and the first guy that Kim had pushed out of the truck! Khleng hadn’t shot her!

Kim ripped the cover from the man’s naked body and instantly saw the fatal wound. There was a little circle going straight into his torso, between two ribs. His fourth and fifth. Straight into his heart. To an outsider, Kim must have looked silly, with his mouth wide open, frozen in place where he looked down at the man’s chest. He was only pulled out of his stupor when he heard a little toddler squeaking on the corridor. With frantic hands, he placed the cover back onto the dead man’s body and bolted outside, turning towards the rooms 125 and 124.

Chapter Text

July 3^rd 11pm (Paris time)

Chay had just arrived at his gate in Paris. He only had about thirty minutes to commute from his arrival gate over to his departure gate, and was now currently waiting for his connecting flight to Lisbon to take off. Everything was working perfectly. He had left London with no further issues, and the lady at the last minute ticket shop had sold him a ticket to Toroto that had three stops: Paris, Lisbon, and Dublin. He had planned it all out while he was on the plane to Paris.

On his notebook, he had drafted three e-mails that would be send out at every stop before he reached Toronto. This had taken the majority of the flight time, and Chay had been glad he had been busy while in the air. If he hadn’t drafted the e-mails and planned his next steps, he would have had to look outside the small windows and listen to music – both of which he didn’t want to do. The view outside reminded him too much of Norway. It was summer, but above the clouds, it felt frosty cold and the white mist resembled the snowy mountain peaks of Voss. And music had been a no-go as well, for obvious reasons.

Right now, he had just sat down at one of the work stations at Paris Charles de Gaulle airport, and had paid for the next thirty minutes. It wasn’t a lot of time, but enough. His first step was to plus in his flash drive and to pull up the scans of three files: two random ones about a drug cartel and a corrupt police officer, and the black file on the sex trafficking ring. He then created a new e-mail account. He had thought about this step for a long time. Because he wanted to stay as anonymous as possible, choosing a random string of numbers and letters seemed to be the safest option. Next came the actual text and the subject line, for which he pulled out his little notebook and copied what he had drafted on the flight.

All in all, writing the mail didn’t take longer than ten minutes, and with a pounding heart, Chay typed in the e-mail addresses of the people he would be sending it to. Looking at the clock, he saw that he had another fifteen minutes before he had to leave to bord the next flight. So instead of sending the mail, he opened a new tab in the incognito mode – not knowing how much of a difference that would make – and looked up jobs in Canada. He obviously had to work somewhere and earn money. The seven thousand pounds that he had withdrawn wouldn’t keep for very long, and so Chay would have to earn his living.

What can I do? He asked himself and scrolled through a website which offered short-term jobs for volunteers and gap year students. Most of them included working with children or helping in the household, which made Chay hesitate for two reasons. First of all, his voice wasn’t back, which meant that communication was limited. And second of all: he was still on the run. If Korn for some reason had ways of finding him, Chay would like to pull as little people into the mess as possible. Just when he was about to give up for now, he saw a post that looked for people to help out at the family farm. The family offered a room to sleep in in exchange for daily hours of feeding the cattle and helping out with the herding of the sheep, because the employees had taken the summer off. Perfect.

Chay smiled and started to gain hope again for the first time in a long time of feeling miserable or emotionless. I can do this, he convinced himself and set up another email-account to sign up to the organization. A quick application was sent via e-mail to the family, and Chay tried to sound as convincing as possible.

Subject: summer job

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Sanders,

My name is Chay and I am a Thai university student who is currently travelling over the summer. I am sorry for this short-term application, but I am very interested in spending a few months at your place. I had actually planned to travel to South America, but my host family’s father got sick and they had to cancel my arrival. I would however still like to travel and work before going to university, and saw that you offer this place. I have actually already acquired a travel visa for Canada, and am landing in Toronto tomorrow.

His e-mail continued for another few sentences in which he voiced his passion for animals and handwork, hoping that it was believable. I an do this for a few weeks before travelling further, he thought to himself and send the e-mail. “Attention please, this is the last call for passengers of flight 057 to Lisbon airport. All passengers please go to gate 47.” This was his call, and Chay went back to his other randomized e-mail account. With one quick glance-over at the mail, he clicked send before logging off on both accounts and deleting the search history on the computer. Then, he shouldered his backpack and made his way over to gate 47.

July 4^th 2 a.m. (Lisbon time)

He kept worrying his lips between his teeth and fiddling with his fingers, to the point of the man next to him rolling his eyes. But Chay couldn’t stop it. He had done it. Sent a mail that contained information that could send his entire family into prison. Chay felt nauseous all of a sudden and tried to convince himself that it was because he feared Khun Korn would find him. He just sold his family out. With a few scans and a threatening e-mail. But he had already started it, and stopping wasn’t an option anymore. Chay just hoped that… whatever happened, would be good. Whatever that meant.

He arrived at Lisbon at two a.m. in the middle of the night. However, because it was holiday season, the airport was full and people were running around nonstop. It gave Chay a headache and he longed for peace and quiet. Especially inside his head, which didn’t let him rest. He was feeling void and yet everything was so loud. The pounding became louder and louder until the white and grey voices manifested on his shoulders, without Chay really noticing.

They had to look around the area to get to terms with where they were. What is going on? The white voice asked in confusion and the grey one shrugged. They had been quiet for over a year now, and weren’t really needed most of the time. Ever since Chay and Kim had come back from Norway, the two voices of reason had sort of taken a vacation. Their whole exicstence was build on the premise that Chay was lonely and needed help. They had been there for the young man when he had first run away to Norway, but ever since his return, he had a loving family and boyfriend to take care of him. So why were they here? What had happened in the past fifteen months?

The voices took a peak into Chay’s memories and were confronted with happiness and domesticity. Until a week ago, when the world around Chay had turned grey and dull. The white voice gasped in horror when it saw what Chay had gone through, and the grey one fumed with anger at the revelations of Chay’s family being ruthless killers and liars.

It didn’t take them long to understand what was going on, and by the time they had caught up to everything, Chay was already sitting on yet another public computer, logging into the randomized e-mail account to type the next e-mail. Chay, don’t do this, the white voice, ever so peace-loving and calm, begged. Why not?! The grey one shot back, clearly not understanding why the white voice was defending the Theerapanyakuls. Before the white one could answer, the grey one continued shouting. They killed the girl! Kim lied to Chay about being in Japan! Porsche has been bribing corrupt politicians and policemen! They are all liars!

The grey voice was much louder than the white one, and so Chay kept typing at a rapid pace, finishing the mail and sending it of without re-reading it. He was panting and his eyes had to blink the dizziness away. With shaking fingers, he opened the other new e-mail account to see if he had already gotten an answer from Mr. and Mrs. Sanders, but no.

Chay? The white voice asked tentatively and tried to get through to him. Open your email account. But Chay resisted, knowing what the voice wanted from him. He had left his phone in Bangkok. Not just the old one with all his numbers. Also the one that Khun Korn had brought for him. He had left them both in his apartment, in rage and despair, knowing that taking them with him would be potentially dangerous since the Theerapanyakuls could trace him down. I am kind of an expert on running away, Chay huffed humorlessly.

The white voice trying to get him to open his email account was a dirty trick. Chay was sure that by now, they had noticed he was gone. Probably not through Khun Korn, but Kim must have tried to contact him on his phone, or Porsche must have gone to his apartment to check in on him after Chay hadn’t texted after he had said he was going out on Saturday night. No matter what, they already knew he was gone. And since they couldn’t contact him on his phone, they might have tried his email account. Maybe his official university-issued account, or maybe his private one that Chay had set up ages ago.

But checking his emails would be his doom for two reasons: first of all, he could be tracked. It would be a piece of cake for Arm to check where he had locked into the account last, and the location Lisbon airport would pop up. And second of all: Chay would break down. He knew that much. No matter how much he tried to stay angry at Kim and Porsche, he loved them. And that hurt. He knew they were liars, killers, criminals; but they had Chay wrapped around their fingers and played him like a toy. If Chay read an email from his brother, stating that he loved him and wanted him back, or a message from Kim saying that Chay was all he wanted in his life, the younger would fold. Fold like a cheap suit. Would take the next plane back to Bangkok, Khun Korn and his plan be dammed.

So no thank you, I will not open my emails, Chay thought bitterly and shushed the voices down.

July 4^th five a.m. (Dublin time)

If his worries had been big in Lisbon, they were unbearable in Dublin. They had meant to land an hour ago, but just before their scheduled landing, the pilot had made an announcement saying that they would have to hold in the air until they got the permission to land. The entire sixty minutes that they had stalled, Chay had gone through all sorts of scenarios in his head. Khun Korn has found me. He’s using his power to block the airport to get his people there. They are going to catch me. Interpol has gotten a hold of my emails and are arresting me.

Even now, walking to the gate from where his final plane would take off, Chay kept throwing glances left and right. But it looked like there had just been a technical difficulty at the runway. Chay slowly got to relax again. He had tried to sleep on the plane, but to no avail. He would have to do that on the upcoming flight. Around eight hours were separating him from his destination, and right now, Chay was repeating the same steps again and again.

He sat down at a public computer, the one furthest away from the security cameras, logged into the randomized email account in the incognito tab, and sent out yet another prayer to Macau for his vpn login. He had paid very close attention to only sent emails when he was logged into his best friend’s vpn and set the location to somewhere else. It could still be traced, but would take Khun Korn much, much longer than the usual IP address.

He saw that he still hadn’t gotten a reply to his last two emails which he had sent from Paris and Lisbon a few hours ago. But Chay hadn’t expected it anyway. So he quickly plugged his flash drive in one more time and attached as many scans as possible to the email. Unlike last time, he didn’t hesitate to click the send button, and logged off before opening the other email account. His heart jumped. He had received an answer from Mr. and Mrs. Sanders.

Subject: summer job.

Hello Chay, what an interesting name! We are very happy to see how interested you are and while we are very sorry that your travelling in South America can’t happen, we would like to meet you and hope that staying at our little farm can be a good substitute for you! It is great that you already have got a travel and short-term working visa, usually this takes ages to acquire!!! If you want to, you could come over any time over the next week and we can see if we are compatible.

Yours sincerely,

Marc and Elenore.

Chay’s eyes widened. Was it really that easy?! He would have a place to stay at, as well as a little pocket money which he could use to buy food and save up for future travels and stops. He sent a quick answer back in which he voiced his happiness and asked for the exact address. I can really do this, he thought to himself and smiled. He still had an hour before the plane would take off, and spend it napping on one of the chairs at the gate. The peace and relief of having a place to stay at was enough for him to fall asleep. And while he was sleeping, Chay didn’t have to listen to the worried and angry voices on his shoulders.

Chapter Text

July 4^th 08 a.m. (Toronto time)

The groan that Chay let out when he descended the airplane was louder than any other sound he had made over the past week. Eight hours of sitting in a cramped space with no way out that didn’t require squeezing around a sleeping giant of a man had been too much for Chay. But he had done it. Had landed in Toronto. Canada. On the other side of the world. For some reason, Chay’s heart felt elated and pressed down at the same time. Elated because he had done it and had gone through with his plan. He had sent enough emails to a variety of people that would hopefully be the end of the Theerapanyakul empire. Pressed down because of that exact reason. He had really gone through with it. Hadn’t looked back and had sold out so many people. Just for a dead girl. But it had been worth it, Chay tried to remember.

But for some reason, her dead body didn’t hurt him as much as the prospect of never hugging his brother again. Never kissing Kim. Never playing twister with Arm, Pol, and Tankhun. Never snacking popcorn with Macau in their shared apartment. Never work with Dr. Uhm in the infirmary. Never seeing Kinn’s proud smile whenever he got a good grade in an exam.

These thoughts occupied Chay’s mind throughout the way outside of the airport. Just like last time in Norway, his passport was only glanced at and he was waved through the control area. He then continued his way to baggage claim where he waited for the suitcase he had packed in a haze before leaving to the airport. It didn’t carry much, but enough for Chay to stay off grid for about two weeks. He hadn’t counted on getting a job and place to sleep on such notice. So he had planned on buying a small tent at an outdoor store. He would have tramped from campsite to campsite until he would have found a more or less permanent option.

Armed with his backpack and suitcase, Chay left the airport and made his way over to a tourist information shop where he bought a map of the area.  He was the only one in the shop and fumbled with his fingers before deciding to just go for it and pulled out his notebook. He scribbled a few words and cleared his throat before shoving the piece of paper into the shop assistant’s face.

     Excuse me, I am new here and need to catch a train, but I don’t know where to go.

Underneath, he had written the address of Marc and Elenore’s farm, which he had checked at a computer while waiting for his suitcase an hour ago. The shop assistant read his message and replied: “Okay, let me just check where exactly that is.” The man looked like he was in his thirties and had a polite smile with permanent lines from his friendly facial expressions. He opened an app on his phone where he typed the address and checked a few things.

“Look,” he said and turned the phone so that Chay could see it. “You have to take this train. You can buy the tickets either via the app or at the ticket shop. It’s at the entrance of the train station.” Since Chay didn’t have a phone and didn’t want to use his new credit card, he would obviously use the analogue way. With a polite smile and instinctive bow, Chay wordlessly thanked the shop assistant and made his way over to the train station.

Canada was warmer than Chay had expected. While Thailand was warmer, it was also more humid, especially now that the rainy season was upon the country. So Chay welcomed the change and took in the sight of the exotic trees and flowers that the train drove past at high speed. The colorful nature was enough for the corners of his lips to rise, and he blinked slowly while sighing. The farm was about two hours away from Toronto, and they had left the big city far behind them. Now, all that Chay could see were fields and forests. It truly reminded him of Norway.

But you have only seen Norway in winter, the white voice reminded Chay, and he didn’t know what it meant by that. I mean that if you hadn’t left home, you would be sitting on a plane to Norway tomorrow. You would have the same view as here, plus you would see Ida and Kjeld again. Not to forget that your boyfriend would be there with you.

Pfff, the grey voice huffed. Yes, he would be with Kim. He would be with a liar who told him he was in Japan for a month when in reality, he was doing illegal stuff for his father. It might have been the perfect vacation, but it would have been lies and deceptions.

 Chay tried to blend the voices out and plugged his earphones in. as much as music in general reminded him of Kim, he decided to distract himself and put on one of his playlists that reminded him the least of him. He turned the volume up to a max, hoping that it would make the voices stop.

The entire situation was a complete déjà vu to Chay. He stepped out of a train in the middle of nowhere, and when he looked around, he heard a female voice calling for him. “Chay?” The woman asked, and her voice sounded strong and confident. A bit like Ida, Chay couldn’t help but think, and turned around. In front of him stood who he assumed to be Elenore Sanders, a woman that couldn’t be older than forty-five, who was wearing dirty dungarees over a sleeve-less lumberjack shirt. Her shoulders were quite wide for a woman, and her jaw angular. She looked like a person who didn’t fear physical work and preferred being outside over being inside. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail that touched the tops of her shoulders. And although she looked intimidating, Chay could hear her friendliness and openness through her voice.

He nodded and smiled before making his way over to her and her car. Elenore met him halfway and offered to help him with his suitcase. Up close, he could see how tall she really was. She must be as tall as Porsche, he guessed. “I’m Elenore, nice to meet you.” Chay bit his lower lip, not knowing how to introduce himself. But he didn’t have to worry. “You said in your last email that you’re mute?” Chay nodded and lowered his head in shame. How much he wanted to speak again! He wanted to say hello to Elenore, thank her and her husband for letting him stay with them, call Kim and yell at him through the phone. But not a peep escaped his mouth.

“Hey, don’t worry,” Elenore said with ease and tried to smoothen the atmosphere with a dismissing gesture. “I’m sure we’ll find a way of communicating. I myself am not the talker either, but Marc is a real chatterbox, so you wouldn’t get a chance to talk anyway. Take a seat, we have to drive to town for some sheering equipment, and then we can go home. Unless you need to buy something in town. But for that, we can go tomorrow as well. You look quite exhausted.”

Right off the bet, Chay knew that he liked Elenore. She was quite similar yet very different from Ida. Both women had an aura of authority and hominess around them, but whereas Ida was calmer and more motherly, Elenore seemed to be more tomboyish and relaxed. Like one could tell her about one’s problems, and she would offer two choices: either get drunk and get over it, or punch a punching bag until it burst.

The car ride was mostly spend in silence, with some generic pop music silently playing in the background. After a quick stop in the nearest town, Elenore hopped back into the car and started talking about their home. “So Marc and I inherited the farm from his grandfather, and we have a ten-year-old son and a three-year-old daughter. I don’t know how much you read online, but we have four horses, a few cows and sheep, and bunch of chicken. We usually have a handful of employees, mostly friends and people we have known for a long time, but they are either on vacation right now or pregnant. So we’re really glad that you want to help us.”

Chay nodded with a polite smile and took out his notebook. Elenore glanced at the question he wrote on it and answered: “Your jobs would mostly be livestock related. We have sheered most of the sheep last week, but some clippers broke, and I needed to get new ones. Don’t worry, we are going to show you everything and you won’t be responsible for anything in the first weeks. Marc will help you and show you around the place.”

The next question. “What I do? Haha,” she laughed, “most people would think that the woman takes care of the kids and the cute animals, right? Well, at our place, I do most of the heavy work. I run the fields and take care of the crops. At the moment, we are building a new shed and Marc can’t be trusted with tools. So if you are good with handwork, you could give me a hand as well.” Chay nodded and wrote down that he would like to do that.

“Great. You will have your own bedroom. It’s not much and needs to be renovated, but since it’s summer, it won’t be bad. Last winter though, we had a bit of a problem with rain and snowfall. I felt really bad for the last volunteer.” Have you done this job-thing before? “You mean take in foreigners for a few months? Yes, we have been doing it for the past four years or so. It has always been great fun and a nice experience. Usually, the volunteers eat breakfast with us and get included in our daily life. But if you want to spend some time alone, that’s totally fine, too. You are not obligated to spend time with us beyond the work you do. But you are always welcome to watch a movie with us or play with the kids. We also have a bike that you can use to get to town, or for trips on the weekends.”

Chay didn’t really have the intention to spend a lot of free time in the city, but appreciated the offer. “Look, this is our place,” Elenore pointed and turned right. Chay’s mouth fell open. The uneven path split two vast fields in half. The one on the left was filled with ocher wheat plants. The one on the right that they had passed on the wide country road had a fence around it. On the green grass stood a few cows, four horses and around ten sheep. It looked like straight out of a picture book. Elenore chuckled when she saw his awestruck face and pulled right between the fields.

They were going straight ahead and had the cattle on their right and the field on their left, but Chay was looking straight ahead at the house that was coming closer. It was a cream white house with a veranda going around it. The black roof tiles reflected the morning sun and bathed the area in golden light. Behind the house, a bit to the right, Chay could see a corner of another house, or rather a barn where he assumed the animals slept in.

“Let’s go,” Elenore said and Chay got out on wobbling legs. He remembered that his suitcase was still in the back and turned around to fetch it, only to see that Elenore had already done so for him. He smiled at her and she pat his shoulder. “The kids are already looking forward to meeting you. Are you too tired from your flight or ready to meet the gang?” Chay gave an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Out of nowhere, he heard multiple squealing sounds and when he turned towards the house, Chay could see a young boy running towards them. “Mummy!!!” he shouted with a high-pitched voice and sprinted, his arms wide open. Without any hesitation, he jumped forward, trusting that his mother catch him. “Hi buddy, I wasn’t gone long, what got you so excited?” She gave him a loud kiss on the cheek and twirled him around. Chay felt like he was interrupting a moment and looked away from the happy greeting. Just then, he saw another little person stumbling down the veranda. The girl had a round face and was wearing dungarees that matched her mother’s. “Mummy!!!!” she also yelled and got closer.

“Hi angel!” Elenore knelt down to greet her as well, and Chay’s heart clenched. Angel. That innocent, pure nickname that meant so much to him. His heart ached when he thought that he would never have this. Neither parents that were happy to meet him after a long day of work, nor children with the person he loved. He thought back to the domestic dreams he had been having for ober fifteen months now. He had envisioned it all. A house just like this one. A dog, just like the one that came barking and wagging its tail to be included in the family as well.

Chay would have been Elenore. He would be sitting behind the steering wheelof his car after a long day at work, having tended to injuries and helped saving lives. But even after such a long day, he would pull into the driveway and be greeted by his kids, pets, and husband. Marc, as he assumed, stood in the doorway of the house, wearing an apron and had his arms crossed in front of his chest while watching his wife cuddle their kids outside. He looked fond and enamoured, although the big spot on his apron let assume that the kids had made a mess in the kitchen. But Marc didn’t mind it at all. Because they were a happy family.

Marc looked softer than his wife. While Elenore looked like she would protect her family and be almost like a fun aunt, her husband fit the term ‘househusband’ like a glove. He too had muscles and sunburnt skin from all the outside work, but he had some sparkle in his eyes that told Chay that this was a man who adored having children and pampering them. They locked eyes and Marc made his way down to greet him.

“Hello Chay, am I pronouncing that correctly?” He did not, but even if the younger wanted to correct him, he wouldn’t know, how. So he just gave a thumbs up and nodded. “Welcome to Canada, nice to meet you,” he smiled back and stretched his hand out for a soft shake. Chay had the feeling that Elenore’s handshake would be stronger. Speaking of Elenore, she was still busy running after her kids who were squealing in glee. “Looks like they are going to take a while to calm down enough to join us. Why don’t you come inside, I’ll help you with your suitcase.”

The inside of the house was nothing like anything Chay had ever seen. At least not consciously. Maybe when his parents were still alive and they had been a happy family. Maybe back then, their house had looked like this one: big and yet cramped, with lots of toys littering the floor. Some of them were the kids’, and some seemed to belong to the two dogs that were running around the place. Ever since it had been just Porsche and Chay, the two brothers hadn’t been able to afford the luxury of games and freedom. Once again, Chay’s heart crumbled.

Marc guided him through the entry and towards the country kitchen, where he stopped to turn the oven off. It smelled delicious and sweet, like they had set foot into a professional bakery. Marc turned around and said: “We baked something to welcome you, I hope you are not allergic to anything.” Again so thoughtful, Chay thought and shook his head, which in turn made Marc roll his eyes and exhale loudly in relief. “Great, I’ve been kind of worried. Let’s go upstairs and get your suitcase into your room before calling in the others.”

Chay’s room was very nice. Small and cozy, and reminded him a bit of his room in his first ever home. Marc showed him where to find the towels and bedsheets before helping him with his suitcase. “We’ll get you settled over the next few days, if that’s alright. The kids actually wanted you to sleep in their room, so you might have to lock the door at night unless you want to hyper children crawl into your bed in the middle of the night.” Marc’s smile was fond and exasperated. “They really loved the last volunteer that came here, and were really excited to meet you. Ready to meet them?”

Chay was. He was looking forward to breakfast with the family and spending time with them. But then he remembered something and pulled out his notepad. Do they know that I have trouble speaking? Marc read the line and nodded. “Yes, and don’t worry, we’ve talked to them. Jacob is very smart for his age and won’t cause any trouble, and Lilly is too young to really understand it. If…” he seemed to hesitate, “if you don’t mind me asking, how severe is your muteness?”

In his email where he accepted the Sanders’ job offer, Chay had had the foresight of writing that he had trouble speaking. He hadn’t wanted to say the word ‘mute’, and it looked like Marc had caught on to the term. So Chay scribbled on the paper, tweaking the truth a little bit. I’m not good with new environments and struggle when it comes to talking to strangers. I hoped that this job could get me a bit used to it.

He didn’t really feel bad for lying. In a way, it wasn’t that far from the truth, either. He really hoped that spending time with the family would somehow bring his voice back and not force him to throw up whenever he wanted to speak out loud. Chay tried to study the look on Marc’s face. The man was an open book and looked understanding. “No problem, I hope we can help you ease your anxiety before you have to go back.”

Go back… Yes… Chay tried not to show his emotions when he was reminded of the fact that his time here was limited. To make his story believable, he had pulled the exact same strings as last time. Had said that he was travelling before starting university. And unlike with Ida and Kjeld, Chay didn’t want to overstay his welcome and actually move out after some time.

Chapter Text

July 3rd

Kim was sitting in his home office, with files upon files building a mountain on his desk, when his phone rang. Finding the device was a struggle, especially since he didn’t want to move any papers in fear of the pile tumbling over and disrupting his beautiful system. “Yes!” he yelled at his phone which kept bugging him with the annoying ring tone. He would have to set a different one, Kim decided.

Finally, he located the little device and looked at the screen. Why was Kinn calling? They had talked a mere three hours ago, and usually went days if not weeks without contact. “What?” he opened without preamble and tried not to voice his worry for the spontaneous call. “Did you notice anybody following you over the past few days?” came the prompt question which made the younger sit up straight and instinctively look around his apartment. “Kim?” “No, why? Everything has been normal. What’s going on?”

“We just finished dinner.” Oh yeah, the weekly Saturday night family dinners. Kim remembered them not so fondly and was glad that he was ‘on tour in Japan’ and had been excused for the past three weeks. “And?” he asked Kinn to continue. “Well, father was rather… happy.” While this sentence wouldn’t concern a normal person, it was enough to tingle all of Kim’s senses. “Tell me everything,” he said and clenched the pen in his fist.

“I don’t know how to explain it, but he looked kind of smug, you know? Kept talking about how delicious the salad was and how much it meant to him that the family held together. His usual talk, but somehow it kept bugging me today. I’m worried he has found out about the plan.” Kim stayed silent and tried to think. The last three days had been very stressful. Every post-shooting week was. There were people to bribe, footage to be deleted, wounds to be tended to. And this time, it had been even more exasperating because their father mustn’t find out.

“Vegas didn’t let anything slip, right?” Kinn denied and said: “No, he talked to the home secretary and got us the deal settled. It had all been very discreet and I doubt that there was a mole involved there.” “Hmmm,” the younger continued and moved his swivel chair over to his ‘murder board’, which in the past fifteen months had been transformed into a ‘how to bring the Theerapanyakul system down board’. The red strings connected pictures and names of their fatehr’s closest associates that would have to be dealt with or be handed over to the police. The non-corrupt past of the police.

“Well I haven’t noticed anybody following me. My manager keeps posting pictures to keep up the image that I’m still gone.” “What about the kids from the truck? Maybe one of them spread the rumor of you being there.” Kim shook his head. When they had send the kids back to Lopburi to their families, the poor kids had been tasked by Kinn not to tell anybody about the details of who they had seen that night. “Why would they? And who should they tell? It’s not like father has gone to Lopburi in the last three days, right?” “No, he hardly left the tower at all. Only one meeting with an old associate, but that was it. He only took Chan with him.” “When was that?” “Uuuuh, June 31^st, why?”

Kim thought back to the day. It had been two days after the shooting, and he had visited Vegas’ safe house to interrogate the man from the truck that had survived the shooting and now lived in the hospital in room 125. Vegas and Pete had kidnapped him after his surgery had been successful and the three of them had teamed up to find out who else was in on the human trafficking ring.

“I was at the safe house with Vegas and Pete all day. But I was careful with the drive there.” The safe house was, as far as the five knew, not a place that Korn knew of. Ever since they had started the coup, it had been their meeting place and base for any operations. Whenever they went there, the group paid close attention that nobody would follow them. This included wearing new clothes that had no chance of being tracked, leaving their phones at home, and not using their personal cars to get there.

“The house is still safe; father doesn’t know about it. I’m sure you’re just imagining things, Kinn. Maybe the salad was just really good today.” Silence. Then: “You think?” “… no,” Kim whispered back, “but we have no choice but to believe that.” His older brother sighed and Kim was sure that his hair stood up from being ruffled too much.

“Okay, we’ll see about that. How’re things going otherwise?” Glad about the change of topics, Kim went ahead and told his brother a bit about the progress he had made with tracking a few of Khleng’s contacts down. “It might take another day or two, but I think we are close to finishing this job. How’re things over with you guys?” “Not much. Porsche has been grumpy because Chay is partying tonight and isn’t there to spend time with him while I’m busy.”

Kim smiled, happy that his boyfriend was finally done with his most difficult exam of the year. Because the shooting hadn’t happened the way they had planned, Kim had been very busy these past few days and hardly had any time to contact the younger.  The last thing he had received from Chay had been an adorable picture of himself with the caption I miss you and can’t wait for our vacation! It had been this morning and had made Kim feel even more guilty for not spending time with his boyfriend. Soon, he thought and remembered his brother was still on the phone.

“Alright, then go spend some time with your boyfriend before he turns even more whiny and starts calling me.” Kinn’s laugh was hearty and deep. “I would love to see that. But actually, I was thinking the five of us should still meet tonight to go over the next steps. Tankhun said that he can keep father busy for a few hours, so if you’re free, we can meet at the safe house in an hour?” “Yeah, sounds good, I’ll tell Vegas and Pete.”

Kim was, as usual, the last to arrive. The first ones were Kinn and Porsche, although it was always a first-or-last with them. Kinn, ever the boss and immaculate business man, valued punctuality over everything and had to keep up his appearance. Throw in Porsche into the mix, who was aloof and quirky with no regard for manners, the two constantly battled each other when it came to appointments. Whenever they were the last to arrive, Kinn had an ugly fold in his annoyed eyebrows and shot Porsche a look that screamed ‘see? We should have got going sooner’.

If Kinn and Porsche weren’t there firstm it was always Vegas and Pete. Possibly because of Vegas’ constant need for approval and domination, and comparison to Kinn. Pete looked like he was happy to follow his boyfriend and took the orders with no problem.

Kim was always the last to arrive. Not only did he have enough things to do outside of these meetings and had better things to do than wait for the rest, he also wanted t avoid the bickering between his brother and cousin about ‘lack of reliability’ – an argument said by the one who arrived first.

“Hey,” Kim said cooly and went straight ahead towards the single arm chair in the living room. The right couch was occupied by Kinn and Porsche, and on the left one sat Pete whose neck was gently rubbed by his psycho of a boyfriend. But unlike every other person who Vegas laid his hands onto, the former bodyguard looked like he enjoyed it and let his guard down. Maybe it was Pete who was the freak in this relationship, Kim thought not for the first time.

“You are late,” came the synchronic bark from Kinn and Vegas. When it came to repriming the youngest, they were suddenly on good terms, which made Kim roll his eyes and ignore them. “How much time do we have?” “Thankhun will text me, but he agreed on playing chess with father, so I think we have about two hours.” “We’ll have to buy him an extravagant gift for the favor,” Porsche said with a smile. Although it was the five of them who did the heavy work of the plan, they all needed Tankhun and his distracting skills all the time. Without the oldest, they wouldn’t have been able to make it this far.

Kim huffed. “Just send Pete to spend a day with him, he’ll be over the moon.” Four of them erupted in laughter, except for Vegas, who after all this time still didn’t like the amount of attention and love that his oldest cousin gave to his boyfriend. “A fruit basket or an ugly trenchcoat will do, too,” he grumbled and pulled Pete closer, who placed a playful kiss on his protruding cheekbone.

“On a more serious note,” said Kinn and pulled their attention in, “we need to talk abo-” a phone ringing interrupted his sentence and Kinn immediately stopped dead in his tracks to pick up. His biggest fear was that Tankhun was calling to tell them that their father had noticed something. They had agreed on using text messages on their burner phones that their father couldn’t track, but an actual call was very unusual. It meant that something was definitely not right and needed to be taken care of urgently.

But Kinn looked confused when he saw who the caller was. Before any of the four could ask what the problem was, he had already picked up and said: “Good evening Mr. Home Secretary.” He sounded just as confused as the others looked. The home secretary never called them. Kinn had given him his burner phone’s number, but the politician had insisted on personal meetings for safety reasons. So why was he calling? And at one a.m. on a weekend?!

Vegas motioned for his cousin to turn speaker phone on so that they could all listen to the conversation. “-VE NEVER BEEN THIS INSULTED; I HAVE BEEN PROMISED THAT EVERYTHING WAS TAKEBN CARE OF VERY DISCREETLY!” Shocked looks were sent around the living room, and Kinn pulled himself together out of the stupor. “Sir, I’m very sorry, but what are you talking about? I’m sure whatever seems to be the issue is a mere misunderstanding.”

There was a reason why Kinn was the leader of their group and the heir to the family. Kim was sure that Vegas would have instantly killed the man who decided to yell at him and undermine his authority. Pete would be far too nice, too much so to be diplomatic, and Porsche would be overwhelmed and couldn’t have coped with the responsibility. Kim wasn’t made for these kinds of talks either. He would have just hung up on the caller to teach them the indirect lesson of not bothering him with that kind of attitude.

“What do you mean it’s a misunderstanding?! You promised that only a handful of people would know about this operation!” “That’s still correct sir.” “Then explain to me,” the man suddenly whispered dangerously, as if he was holding onto the last thread, “why I just received an email, threatening me to arrest all of you lest I want an international scandal?!”

Their heads whipped up and the five had a silent conversation. A mole. A spy. Somebody knew. Somebody was trying to ambush their plan. “Sir, I… I promise we will take care of this, but we need to see the email as soon as possible so we can track the person down. Did anybody except for you read the email?”

“… yes. But luckily it was only Mrs. Somtheerak. It was sent to my official address and she caught it before any of my other secretaries saw the subject line and forwarded it to my burner account before deleting it.” A collective relaxed sigh travelled through the room. Kim knew Mrs. Somtheerak. She was the Home Secretary’s primary assistant and was the only person on his side that was involved in their plan.

Trying not to let his panic show, Kinn asked the man to please forward the mail to them without responding to it whatsoever. The home secretary grumbled and closed their call with a quiet: “You better make sure this gets taken care of. I am not going to risk my position for this.”

After the line went dead, the living room became vivant. The five men jumped up off the couches to huddle around Kinn’s phone, where he pulled up the emails.

Subject: Theerapanyakul

Mr. Home Secretary.

I want to let you know that I am well aware of your connection to the mafia empire led by Korn Theerapanyakul. I have gathered information that do not only prove your involvement in the business, but also ones that show the illegal business of the family (see attachments). The fact that you communicate with the family under the radar leads me to the conclusion that you do not want any of this to be made public.

Here are my requirements: The entire Theerapanyakul family will be held accountable for their crimes in a trial. All information that I possess (do not believe that this email contains all of them) will be considered. All people who are connected to the empire’s illegal businesses will also be punished by law.

I strongly advise you to take this email seriously, lest you want me to publish all documents on a bigger level. No matter how much power you and the family have, you are not influential enough to control the entire (inter)national press.

Make your move.

Kim stood behind the couch where most of them were sitting on, and so he couldn’t read their faces. But he was sure they mirrored his own expression of worry and… fear.

Kinn silently scrolled down and opened the three attachments, which had to be turned by ninety degrees to fit the frame perfectly. “What the fuck?” Vegas whispered and stared at the picture. It was a scan of Mr. Khleng’s file that used to be in Korn’s private collection. They all knew the paper by heart, having studied it as well as the other contacts of the Thaung Khin ring to a detail. The scan showed not only the face of the man, but also his exact involvement in the business. Collecting ‘merchendise’ in the name of Korn Theerapanyakul’s empire that was then shipped to Myanmar. The meeting spot at Vibhavadi Rangsit Road was shwn as well as the price he got from the family for each kidnapped person – prices varying depending on the age and ‘purity’ of them.

“Fuck. Why would father send him this file?!” Pete frowned and answered Kinn’s question. “I don’t think he’d give out this information to the Home secretary. Why would he sell out his own empire?” Porsche shrugged. “Maybe to confuse and scare us off? Maybe he knows about our plan and tries to overthink stuff and make mistakes?” Vegas shook his head. “But still, Pete is right. I don’t think it was uncle who sent the mail.” “But he is the only one who knows about the file! I found it deep in his secret office, and he’s way too paranoid to let anybody else know about it. It has to be him. He must have found out about the shooting!” Kim tried to convince himself of the most logical explanation.

Wordlessly, Kinn scrolled down. The other two attachments were scans of other family contacts, namely a drug cartel and a corrupt police officer. Under the list of contact, the file stated that Vegas and Kinn had been the ones interacting with them. Drug cartel and police officers. These files were blue and brown. Not ‘top secret’ like the sex trafficking file. But why would Korn have sent scans of these other contacts? These files had never been in his position. For the past fifteen months, it hadn’t been him anymore who organized the main part of the business. All the files – except for the black ones that Kim had only found out about recently – had gone to...

Porsche gasped in horror and the other four looked at him. “What?!” Kinn asked and looked scared when his boyfriend’s face paled and he covered his mouth with his hand. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Porsche! Talk!” Vegas used a very fierce and strong voice to get the newest mafia member to speak. “I… I fucked up.” “What do you mean? Do you know who did this?” Kim walked around the couch to sit back in front of the group so that he could see better. “No, not who. But… but I know where they got the scans from.”

Vegas’ hair was ruffled from the constant running his hands through, and Pete’s head was supported by his hands which were resting on his knees, making the man curl up in his sitting position. Kinn was pacing around the room and kept muttering to himself, one hand playing with his lower lip in thought. Kim sat there with a deep frown down his face, while Porsche looked defeated and ashamed. “I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating quietly. “I know I shouldn’t have taken them out of my office, but I wanted to be back home and work on them there while staying with Chay.”

Kinn looked back at his boyfriend and gave him an understanding smile. “It’s okay, whoever got to the files could have done so in the tower as well. But with your house not being supervised, the mole could be anybody.” Pete released his tight position and sat up again. “But how likely is that? It’s not like a random person walked into your house to rob you, only to find these files. It still has to be someone with a personal connection to the family.”

“Well we can ask Arm to track down the IP address from where the email was sent,” Porsche suggested and started pacing with Kinn, but was met with hesitation. “As much as I doubt that it is Arm, we should keep our contacts to a minimum and shouldn’t involve unnecessary parties. Also he said that Mrs. Somtheerak deleted the original email to not be traced to the Home secretary.” “… Kim? What are you thinking?” The group looked at the youngest who kept staring into the distance. “We must be missing something. Something very basic. Very simple. This email has been sent because there is someone out there who hates us. Somebody who knows that the Theerapanyakuls work with politicians. Somebody who probably had access to the files. Probably not back in the tower, because if they had seen them before, they could have sent the email much earlier. It has to be someone who only recently found out about them.”

After Kim’s monologue, four of them were about to go back into thinking state, when they saw that Porsche was slowly sitting down at the nearest couch. He looked even paler than before and held onto Kinn’s arm for support. His look was distant and horrified. “Porsche?” If Kinn had been worried before, he was now terrified of his boyfriend’s intense reaction. “Babe what is it?”

Porsche looked eyes with Kinn before doing so with Kim. “He saw them a week or so ago. He helped me carry them upstairs before going back to study.” He needn’t say more. Everybody knew who he was talking about. Like the calm before a storm, everything turned quiet. As if nothing mattered anymore. As if they had an epiphany of the worst kind. As if the question to the mystery of life itself had been answered, but it was an ugly truth that had just been revealed.

Kim’s heart shattered and he refused to belief what deep down he knew was reality. The mole wasn’t an angry bodyguard or his plotting father. It was his innocent little angel. The light of his life. The one who Kim would do anything for. It was Chay.

Chapter Text

July 3^rd

To be honest, Kim didn’t really remember how they got to the house. One moment he was sitting in the safehouse, mind blank and face shocked, and the next, he was standing in Porsche’s home office, looking at the computer and the three boxes that were hidden behind the curtains. “They look just like I left them,” Porsche muttered and pulled one of them out from their spot. “He must have put them back exactly how he foun-” “IT WASN’T CHAY,” Porsche whipped around and yelled at Pete, denying the accusations. “We… we must be mistaken, Chay went out with friends tonight to celebrate the end of the semester! He’s probably asleep now and will be hungover tomorrow!”

Porsche kept working himself into a yelling fit and Kinn slowly stepped closer to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, calm down. We’ll see what happened. Maybe we are mistaken, and it was just a coincidence that he knows about the files.” Porsche’s eyes were bloodshot from holding his tears back. “I just don’t… why would he do this?” Kinn sighed before answering. “I don’t know Porsche… I don’t know. Are you sure there is nothing different from the way you last saw the files? If there isn’t, there might still be a chance that someone scanned them back in the tower and is trying to frame Chay.”

With newfound hope, Porsche opened the box of files, his heart beating. Everybody was thinking the same. Please make that everything is as it should be. But Chay’s brother deflated when he looked inside. “And?” Pete asked worried. “I… They are mixed up. I had all blue ones together and the green ones behind them.” Kim stepped closer and peeked into the box, where all files were positioned into particular order. Green, green, blue, red, green, green, green, blue, blue, red, brown, brown, blue, green. It confirmed what they had all feared. Somebody had gotten ahold of the files after they had been moved to this place.

Just then, Vegas walked into the office and looked dejected. “I didn’t find anything suspicious in his room. He isn’t here.” The group looked at each other, sans Kim, who was still processing and spoke without emotions. “Maybe he decided to sleep at his place? Or maybe they’re still out?” Even Porsche was starting to doubt that, but they all turned around to leave the house nonetheless.

“Kim?” The youngest stepped around the group and fished out his spare key that Chay had given him. It had been a very sweet and pure action that had become one of his core memories of happiness.

“Hey P’Kim?” “Yes?!” Kim was just finishing getting dressed in the bathroom when he heard his boyfriend ask for him. He maneuvered out of the small room and through the – compared to his own – tiny apartment, suppressing an eyeroll when he bumped into a cabinet. He had smiled when Chay and Macau had found the place. It was run down and cheap, with walls so thin that they could hear the neighbors cooking next door, and the hot water took far too long for the singer’s liking. Still, he had smiled fondly when the two youngest had talked about their discovery with a spark in their eyes.

“Are you sure you want to live here?” Vegas had said with barely concealed disgust, as if he wasn’t used to torture chambers and the smell of deceased people. “Yes!” They had said in unison and Porsche had given in. “Okay, but under the condition that we get a spare key. Who knows what kind of people roam around here.” “Hia! No!” Chay had pouted and crossed his arms. “We want to live alone and don’t need any of you barge in in unannounced.” Once again, the youngest brothers had gotten what they wanted, and after a few weeks, they had moved in. Now, six months later, Kim was sometimes invited to stay over, mainly because Chay liked his small place more than Kim’s huge penthouse apartment.

“Chay?” Kim’s hair was still dripping from the shower he had just finished, and his shoulders shivered when the cold droplets touched them. “I’m in the kitchen.” With a smile, Kim made his way over to where Chay was standing near the stove, dressed in his pajamas, stirring the breakfast congee. “Yes angel? What is it?” He asked, leaning onto the door frame, and taking in the sight before him.

When Chay turned around, he was biting his lower lip out of nervosity, but when Kim looked closer, he saw the faint blush adorning his boyfriend’s cheeks. His brain came up with a collection of possible emotions that Chay might be feeling. Excited was the word Kim settled for. He nodded his head upwards, signaling the younger to say what he was holding in.

“I got you a present.” Chay then reached into one of the poorly constructed kitchen drawers, the one with the cutlery that Kim hated to open because it got stuck every time. Out of it, Chay pulled a little object that he handed Kim. A key. A basic little piece of metal that practically weighed nothing in Kim’s hand, but that meant so much. “What is this?” he asked quietly. “It’s for this apartment,” Chay fiddled with his fingers. “I… I talked to Macau, and he said he’s okay with it, as long as you don’t snoop through his stuff or steal his headphones.” Kim looked up in awe. Never would he have thought would he get such a gift. Such trust.

Right now, the key seemed to weigh a million tons when Kim inserted it into the keyhole and turned it around, He had to pull on the door before pushing it open, one of the many constructural flaws of the place. The door opened with a disturbing squeak, but no matter how much their brothers had insisted, Macau and Chay had not allowed them to replace it. “We will pay for everything ourselves, and we don’t have enough money for a new door,” they had argued.

The apartment was dark, and with a little bit of hope that Chay was in his room, peacefully sleeping, the group snuck in quietly. They didn’t dare turn the light switch on and crept through the narrow hallway, past the kitchen and bathroom until they stood in front of Chay’s bedroom door. But when Kim opened it, his heart sank. The bed was empty.

He saw Pete reaching around him to finally turn the light on. The former bodyguard nodded and accepted the situation as it was, before saying: “Right. Okay. But like you said, he might still be out partying.” “Porsche, you should text him,” Vegas said. “We need to talk to him. If somebody is trying to frame him for this, he’s in big danger.” Chay’s brother jumped into action and pulled his phone out. But when he pressed the button to call Chay, they all heard a buzzing sound coming from the bed. Kinn, who stood closest, reached under the pillow, and pulled the device out, declining the incoming call from the contact named hia <3.

Why would he go out clubbing without his phone? This was all becoming very strange, and the first thought that came to Kim’s head made him become rigid. “Maybe he was kidnapped! Kinn, go check the cameras outside; Vegas, you check if we received any threats or ransom demands. And Pete, you call th-” he looked around and started shouting: “WHY AREN’T YOU MOVING?!” The four looked shocked at how much the youngest was panicking, and Kinn slowly stepped closer, like he was cornering a wild animal. “Kimmy, calm down.” “But,” he heaved and struggled for air, “but something isn’t right, Kinn! He! He wouldn’t leave his phone behind!”

When he felt a hand on his left shoulder, he lashed out, only to be pulled into a tight backhug from Pete that resembled a straight jacket. “Kim, calm down.” It was very unusual for Pete to address the Theerapanyakuls. Even though he had stopped working for Kinn almost two years ago, habits died slowly and he seemed to be more comfortable in his submissive and inferior position, lest he be around Vegas, who he was a mighty equal to. Kim totally understood why Pete had been such a good bodyguard and had survived many years in this cruel world. That man was strong! He held Kim with hardly any struggle and didn’t loosen his hold on the younger until he deflated.

“We need to check the room to see if he was truly kidnapped, do you understand? You need to focus before you act, okay?” Finally, his words reached Kim ‘s brain and he inhaled deeply, not letting himself feel embarrassed for his outburst and sudden weakness. He motioned for Pete to let him go, which he did with little hesitation. Wordlessly, Kim went over to bis brother and took the phone out of his hands. The six-digit pin was very easy, and hadn’t been a secret between the couple ever since Chay had been too lazy to pick up his phone when they were lounging on the couch.

“Angel?” Kim grumbled annoyedly, but his soft caresses and nickname stood in stark contrast to the sleepy drawl. “Hm?” was the only answer he got from the younger who was resting his head on Kim’s chest. “I really love you, but if you don’t turn that fucking sound off, I’m going to shoot that phone before shooting myself.” He knew what reaction he would be getting even before Chay opened his mouth. “P’Kim, stop using curse words, you’re an idol to many young people and don’t need that kind of image.” Kim was glad his boyfriend couldn’t see his eyeroll, or else the older would have been reprimed twice in the same minute. “But right now, I’m not WIK, but your boyfriend, who is very annoyed by that ringtone.” Chay looked up and gasped. “That’s my favorite line from my favorite WIK song! Don’t you dare complain about my taste in music!” A soft peck on the crown of his head made Chay lay down again. For a maximum of ten seconds, they were back in their domestic bliss, when suddenly: Cause IIIII wanna staaaay – “Okay Chay, I’m serious, turn that shi- stuff off right now.”

The younger whined and burrowed his head in Kim’s chest, who chuckled. “What was that?” “I said I don’t want to get up, you’re comfy.” Thankfully, Kim was laying a bit closer to the device, and with as little movement as possible, he wiggled an arm free to grab it and holding it out to Chay. But the younger man had his hands burrowed under Kim’s back, because they were warm squeezed between the couch and the weight of his boyfriend, and couldn’t grab it. “Angel, please.” “No, you do it,” Chay muttered without looking up. “You need to unlock it befo-” “Our anniversary, six digits.”

That easy. Just like giving Kim the key, Chay had just offered a piece of himself that was so private. Without overthinking it or rethinking his decision. “Uuuh, yeah,” the older tried to mask his surprise and sudden happiness.

The phone unlocked without a hitch. The screen showed Chay’s usual apps, but what was most striking was the fact that the little message app’s icon showed two unread messages. Kim clicked on it and saw that the latest one came from Chay’s friend None.

Hey Chay, what was wrong with you after the exam? You just ran out; did you forget our café date? (July 2^nd; 13:42)

Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me? (July 2^nd; 13:43)

Hi None, sorry, I was just very busy and kind of tired. I meant to tell you that we should probably it another time. M treat. (July 2^nd; 20:16)

Hey Chay, I just wanted to check again if you’re still alright? Text me if something’s wrong, okay? (10:38)

The last message hadn’t been read, and the short conversation opened more questions than it answered. “Did you find something?” Vegas asked and Kim looked at the others, who were looking at him expectantly. “Uh, he apparently didn’t show up for his café date with None yesterday, because he was too tired after the genetics exam. That’s weird, they always go out after each exam.” Chay had met None in his first semester, almost a year ago. The two of them had bonded over their hatred for the biology course, and had been study mates for every single exam. And after every single exam, they went to a little café to celebrate with coffee and cheesecake. For all that Kim knew, this was the first time that Chay had cancelled their celebratory date. This can’t be a coincidence, he thought grimly and closed their chat.

The other unread message came from himself, he found out. Chay had sent him a cute selfie with the caption I miss you and can’t wait for our vacation! It had been sent about sixteen hours ago, at eight a.m. Kim remembered seeing the message at breakfast an hour later, and had responded with a cheesy but honest You look stunning, angel, I can’t wait either. This text had never been read.

“He didn’t use his phone after… let’s be generous… quarter to nine this morning. And… and it doesn’t look like he and None had planned on going out tonight.” Porsche’s eyes bugged out. “What?! Why would he lie to us? Are you sure?” Kim’s temper got the best of him and he yelled: “I KNOW NOTHING, OKAY?! I CAN’T MAKE SENSE OF ANY OF THIS EITHER, SO DON’T ASK ME!”

Silence filled the air after the outburst had left his mouth. It was Vegas who voiced what they were all thinking: “This doesn’t look like a kidnapping then.” He received a glare from Kim, who didn’t know if he should be glad that Chay wasn’t in danger or angry at the accusation that he would have got anything to do with the email.

Kinn tired to rationalize and said: “Let’s see if we find anything else that could be useful. Vegas, can you and Pete call Arm? He should check the security cameras that are on this building. Make sure he does so without raising any suspicion.” Kim knew why this last part was necessary. Because even at two a.m. in the middle of the night, the Theerapanyakul tower had eyes and ears that saw and heard everything.

While the couple left the room, Porsche went over to the closet and Kinn took a look at the other rooms. Kim was still typing on Chay’s phone, trying to find any other clues. He had just opened the settings to see what apps he had used last and when, when Porsche let out a gasp and said: “His clothes are!” Kim went over to where he was standing. It was Chay’s closet. Chay’s closet from which a considerable number of items were missing. He could see the large gap and the empty hangers, as well as… the missing suitcase that was usually cramped underneath the smart blouses and button-downs.

“No no no no,” he muttered and took a step back, shaking his head at a rapid pace. This couldn’t be true. Then his mind came up with the logical explanation. “Maybe he already packed for our vacation! And… maybe he put the suitcase outside so that it doesn’t get in the way!” The bedroom was rather small, after all. Porsche, getting on board with the idea, bolted out of the room to look for the suitcase.

“KINN!” he yelled, and his boyfriend poked his head out of Macau’s room. “What?” “Have you seen Chay’s suitcase?” “No, why?” “Half of his clothes are gone and… and we think he packed for the trip to Norway.” But they were disappointed. Not in the kitchen, the bathroom, Macau’s bedroom, or the hallway. No suitcase was in sight. “Well maybe he brought it to the house! It’s closer to the airport and we were planning on starting from there, anyway,” Porsche tried to make sense of the situation. However, they all wordlessly agreed that the coincidences were piling up. But no cold-hard proof of Chay’s involvement had been found yet. And so they continued their search.

Back in Chay’s room, the three of them had made their way through the bed, the closet, and the drawers, and now reached the far end of it. The desk, where Chay’s laptop was laying next to a bar of chocolate, a few sticky notes, his genetics textbook, a little marble figurine, some loose pens, a glass filled with water, as well as a framed picture of him, Tankhun, Arm, and Pol on movie night. Not to mention the mountain of paper and messy notebook, which was opened at a page with genetics terms. It was cluttered and so full that one could hardly see the table top underneath all of the stuff.

Porsche rummaged through the drawers underneath the desk, and Kinn started the laptop. For some reason, Kim’s eyes were drawn to the notebook, which he picked up and skimmed through. It contained all of Chay’s notes he had taken throughout the semester. All courses were catalogued by the color of the headline, and the dates meticulously double-checked that everything was in order. However, the pages had been turned many times, probably throughout the semester by being cramped into Chay’s backpack, as well as the busy exam season during which he had to revise a lot. About half of the notebook was filled, and the second half was clean of any pen strokes, with the pages being crisp and pure.

Kim was skimming through the pages when he met the final written one, before the empty half took over. He had to turn the notebook on its side to see what was written on it, and his heart… stopped. There it was. The truth that none of them hoped to find. The proof that it had been Chay who had sent the email to the Home Secretary. The undeniable reality that shifted Kim’s reality. Even though his eyes were open, still staring at the page, he couldn’t see anything. Couldn’t hear the steps of the other two coming closer. Couldn’t feel Kinn’s hand on his shoulder when he leaned closer to see what they were looing at. Nor the faint blow of air that Porsche let out when he muttered the faint and emotionally laden “Fuck”.

Because even though they had no context, and it opened more questions than it answered, the content of the page was clear. It was a halfhazardly drawn sketch of a map, seen from a bird’s point of view. And while the drawing itself didn’t really give much information, the little words sure did:

Truck escapes

Black cars leave

Main road

Grocery store

Shooting, 2 black cars, 1 truck

Restaurant back door

Girl next to dumpster

Me hiding behind corner

Chay had sent the email to the Home Secretary. There was a reason why he knew that Khleng was associated with the Thaun Khin sex trafficking ring. And why he had chosen this particular file out of the dozens. Because not only had Chay snooped through the files in Porsche’s office. He had been there. Had witnessed it all. Had been hiding behind a corner while mere meters away, his boyfriend had shot somebody. And Chay hadn't packed his suitcause and had brought it to the house for an easier way to the airport, where he would meet Kim for their vacation. He had packed his suitcase with no intention of seeing his boyfriend. 

Chay was... gone again.

Chapter Text

July 10^th (Toronto)

Dinner was, as always, a jolly affair.

“Mom, dad, why can’t Claire sleep in my room tonight?” Jacob was already in his pajamas and spoke with a mouth full of peas and carrots, which nearly flew all over the place. But that didn’t faze Elenore or Marc, who were either busy feeding Lilly – who seemed to be docile tonight and actually swallow the given food – or refilling the water jug. “Because,” Jacob’s father said with a routine smile, “Claire happens to be a cow and has her own bed.” “But I can share with her! She’s still small!” Claire had been born ten days ago and the youngest man of the house was obsessed with her little curly hair and big eyes. “Chay, back me up here, t’is a losing battle with this one!”

Chay chuckled at Marc’s exasperated face and wiggled his finger no to Jacob, who looked ready to ask his mother for permission to bring the calf inside. “She’s much happier with her mother, don’t you think?” Elenore said without looking away from Lilly’s soiled bib. While she was already three years old and should technically be ready to eat on her own, Lilly loved attention and whenever she was left alone with the spoon in her hand, she made a complete mess. So her parents were slowly fading the feeding out into autonomous eating.

“How about this, buddy. We go check on Claire one last time, and if you’re behaving well and Chay is up to it, the two of you can sleep up at the hey barn loft tonight” Jacob’s eyes sparkled and he sat up straight, clapping his hands in glee. “Yes, yes, yes, I want that!” “Ah, ah, ah,” Marc interrupted him, “what did I say was one of the conditions?” His son – splitting image of Marc, looked over at Chay and begged: “Pleeeeeaaaaase!!! We can listen to an audiobook together and eat popco-” “Young man, you’re eating dinner right now,” Elenore interrupted, but that didn’t faze his enthusiasm. “Please Chay?”

Chay pretended to think, waging his head from left to right, while humming indecisively. “Please, please, plea- YEAAAAH!” as soon aas Chay gave him a thumbs up, Jacob bolted up and ran around the kitchen happily. While he was doing that, Elenore leaned closer to Chay and explained: “He loves sleeping up there, and one time, we nearly had a heart attack because we couldn’t find him. We kept looking for two hours before we remembered that some of the goslings had just hatched.” “Jacob loves baby animals and was in the barn all this time looking at them.”

Chay smiled fondly and ignored his white voice that said: See how worried they were when they couldn’t find their son? Now imagine what is going on at home right now. Thankfully, Jacob pulled him up to get the hay barn loft ready before Chay could delve into the dark part of his brain.

His pajama-party-partner was still downstairs in the main part of the barn with Marc, and said goodnight to Claire and the other animals. Elenore had just gone down the ladder after having helped Chay set up the blankets and pillows, and right now, he had a few minutes up here alone before Jacob would climb up. Well, he wasn’t exactly alone. Because a few meters away, hiding behind a bunch of hey, sat a little creature that Chay knew very well. There were many barn animals on this home farm. Geese, cows, horses, sheep, even two goats and chicken. The family also owned two dogs that lived in their house with them, but the cats? They didn’t officially belong to the Sanders.

There were five that Chay knew of. According to Marc, they had just showed up one day, hunting the mice and other harmful rodents, and so they were kept. They lived wherever they wanted, which happened to be the loft of the barn. Here, in the midst of the hey, the little patchwork-family of former stray cats lived a happy barn life. But one of them was special to Chay. It was black, which would to most people be a very standard, almost boring color. But not this cat. Because when the light hit her just right, her fur would shimmer almost reddish-ginger. Her eyes were fierce and angry all the time, and unlike the other cats, she didn’t like attention and being pet. For some reason, Chay had taken a liking to her.

“Hey there,” he whispered and waved to the deep orbs that peeked out from her hiding place. The response came in the shape of a little hiss, and Chay smiled. It was already much less hostile than a few days ago and he was sure that the cat somehow tolerated him more than she would admit. The connection had been instantaneous. Chay had helped Elenore on his first day with watering the crops, and had accidentally come too fast around a corner, where the cat had lingered and bathed in the sun. it had jumped up and clawed at Chay, who had shrieked and run away. Her angry eyes had followed him for the rest of the day. Later that night, he had looked for the cat all over the place with a piece of raw meat in his hand.

He had found her in the barn, ready to climb up the ladder. “Hey!” he had shouted instinctively, not only scaring the cat but also himself, because of his loud volume. “I… I’m sorry,” he had quieted down and held the meat out as a peace offering. He had been ignored and the cat had fled up the ladder. With an annoyed huff Chay had thought to himself: Fine, be petty and ignore my apology. But as much as he would have loved to mope around, the piece of meat had still been in his hands. So he had rolled his eyes and climbed up the ladder. Once he could see over the ledge, he had looked around for the black cat and saw her tail wagging in anger a few feet away. Clearing his throat, Chay had said: “It’s okay, I’m here to apologize.” With that, he had thrown the meat in the cat’s direction and had climbed down again, thinking about his voice slowly coming back.

Ever since then, Chay had seeked out the black cat, whose sole purpose on this planet was to judge his existence, and had trained his speaking skills on her. He had already made quite a bit of improvement. His throat didn’t hurt that much anymore when he tried to talk to her, and the urge to throw up had almost faded. His voice was still very soft and scratchy, but he was getting there. Two days ago, he had tried speaking to Elenore on the field, and had actually managed to whisper his question out loud. She hadn’t caught every single word that he had uttered but had looked proud and had waited patiently for him to finish.

“Hi Chay!” Jacob sing-sang and stepped onto the hey loft, “dad said that we aren’t allowed to eat any candy, but look!” He whispered the last part and pulled two little wrapped candies from his pajama pockets. Chay fake-gasped and mocked a disappointed look before tackling the young boy and play-wrestling him. Their shrieks were heard all over the barn, and outside of it stood Elenore and Marc, smiling to themselves before going back to the main house.

“Oh, look who’s here!” Jacob said and pointed to the four cats that were slowly coming closer to them, smelling the air and inspecting the blankets with soft meows. The black one wasn’t one of them. “Hi Sophie,” Jacob stroked a tabby cat’s back before moving to the next one. “Charlie, come here!” Chay was content watching them and kept looking around for the black cat. Eventually, he saw her at the far end of the loft, sitting on a roll of hey in her impeccable posture, as if to say: I am superior to you all.

“I don’t like her,” Jacob said with a pout and Chay saw that he was pointing at the black cat. “Why?” he whispered and Jacob looked happy that he was talking. “She is mean! She once bit me when I tried to pet her.” “Well,” Chay cleared his throat and ignored the prickling skin that he still got when he talked to people, “some cats don’t like to be touched.” He felt like this was the maximum of words he could force out, but Jacob didn’t seem to agree.

“Hey Chay?” “Hm?” “What is your favorite color?” Chay liked Jacob. Marc had been right on his first day here. Jacob really was intelligent and one of the most empathetic kids Chay knew. He had never made fun of his inability to speak, never asked him why he was the way he was. Instead, the young boy had found ways of including Chay in the family life, and so for the past six days, they had played games that didn’t include talking almost every night. It turned out that Chay was great at charades, at least when it came to playing the given word. He was never forced to do the guessing side, and he was grateful for this lovely family to include him.

But now, it looked like Jacob was slowly understanding that Chay wasn’t in fact mute and had the ability to speak. At least physiologically. And he seemed to have made it his job to help Chay get his voice back, so Chay indulged him and tried. It was shaky and quiet, but it was there. “Blue, and yours?” “I like green. Hey Charlie, don’t do that!” Charlie, a fat and fluffy cat, had noticed his wiggling feet underneath the blanket, and pounced on their toes. “Does…” Chay’s throat closed up and he decided to take the safer route and just pointed at the black cat. Jacob tilted his head to think about what he could have meant.

“Ah! Her name?” Chay nodded sheepishly. “No, she doesn’t. She is not here very often and when she bit me, I wanted to name her stinky pants, but dad said we should only give nice names. So I’m not allowed to name her. But you can give her one!” He was such a sweet kid, Chay thought and ruffled his hair. “I mean it! What do you think should her name be?” Chay’s lips tightened. In his head, he had already given her a name days ago. It fit her like a glove, and so whenever he tried to get her attention, he used his name for her.

Sensing Jacob’s curious look, he gave in and said: “Ngao. It… means shadow in Thai.” Jacob’s eyes sparkled once again, and he clapped his hands excitedly. “That’s so cool! And it is perfect! It sounds almost like meow! Like a cat!!!” Chay laughed at his innocent discovery. The sound resemblance hadn’t been what he had in mind when he had named her. It had been the fact that she was there but also not, that one had to pay close attention to really notice her, and the fact that her fur was pitch-black, unless she stood in the sun.

“Can you teach me Thai one day?” Chay wasn’t surprised at Jacob’s enthusiasm and promised with a nod that he would teach him, but that they would have to go to sleep for now.

He laid awake for a long time. Jacob was softly snoring next to him, and even in the midst of summer, the sky was dark outside. Chay kept turning from one side to the other before he huffed and sat up. He just couldn’t sleep. Usually, the only thing that worked was the exhaustion from a tough day out at the field, but today, he had just helped with the groceries and the watering of the plants, because the paint of the new shed had to dry. So unless the past few days, he hadn’t been tired out enough to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the mattress.

Deciding that he couldn’t risk waking Jacob up, he climbed down the ladder to sit just outside the barn on the grass. It was still warm outside, even though it was the middle of the night. Still colder than Thailand most of the time, but nice. He slung his arms around his knees and hugged them tight to his chest, placing his chin on top of them. Suddenly, he felt something on his right side and looked down. “Hi Ngao,” he whispered, much more at ease talking to an animal than to people. The cat growled and went a few meters away from him, sat down and started licking her legs. He huffed a dry laugh. Even the cat was pretending around him. Then he rolled his eyes at his own self-pitying thoughts and decided to pull himself together. “Fuck,” he murmured in Thai and looked at the cat.

“This all sucks, you know? I should be in Norway right now, with my boyfriend, Ida, and Kjeld, and in three months, I should be starting my internship at the hospital. Guess none of that is happening, huh?” Ngao looked at him unimpressed before going back to cleaning herself. Chay had been here for almost a week, now. And he really loved this little family and their idyllic barn life. It was… simple. Calm. Carefree. All these things that Thailand didn’t have. And yet… it wasn’t home. “You know I am going to the city in two days?” he said, maybe to no one, maybe to Ngao, and looked into the distance. “I… haven’t checked the email account ever since I came here.” He now looked at the cat, who looked back at him. Usually, her eyes were either unimpressed or angry, but right now, due to the darkness, they were wide open, and her pupils were dilated while she looked at the fields in front of them. In the distance, they saw the country road curving through some fields and forests, but no car was out there in the night.

“I will see if they have responded to me. And maybe google if there are any news regarding their…” arrest. “And if the Home Secretary and the police haven’t done anything yet, I will… I will publish the files.” He laughed humorlessly. “Then it’s over. Who knows, maybe it already is. Maybe they are already… taken care of.” He looked down and let his tears run freely. “I just feel so… helpless.” Because this here, this little farm, wasn’t forever. Chay knew this. Sooner or later, probably sooner, he would have to get going. Find a new place to stay. And what scared him the most, was the fact that everything was pulling him back to Thailand. Back home. Where he would be met with nobody waiting for him. Maybe they wouldn’t arrest Macau, but Chay doubted that his best friend would want to have anything to do with him after what he had done.

“I mean, I knew they were criminals and that they aren’t good people – but I had thought that this would have changed. I know it’s delusional and I know that they will always be bad people. But hia wasn’t like this! He never killed people before. And I have never seen Kim kill people.” Looking at the cat’s unimpressed face, he reeled back and admitted: “Okay, yes, the guys in the bar. But that was different. They were criminals. The girl however… she was innocent. And my boyfriend and my brother worked for a sex trafficking ring!” He almost yelled at Ngao in frustration, and she got up and circled around him, letting her tail stroke his legs before she went back inside the barn and climbed up the ladder.

Chay sighed and got up as well. He had started it already. And while a big part of him hated himself, he still stood by his decision. What else should he have done?! Khun Korn was too powerful and had to be stopped. And if Kim and the rest of the family weren’t strong enough to stop him, then Chay would do it for them. He hated to admit it, but he still loved Kim. Saw his inky hair in Ngao’s fur, saw his closed-of expression from when they were first dating in the cat’s unimpressed eyes, saw his brother’s enthusiasm in Jacob, saw Tankhun’s quirky mother-hen-nature in the domesticity of the Sanders family.

The flash drive was securely hidden in his bedroom upstairs. Taped under the closet, it had been resting there for six days, and in two days, Chay would pick it up and bring it to the city with him, where he would finally bring the Theerapanyakuls down.

Chapter Text

July 4^th

Kim was standing in a room that smelled of disinfectant and medicine. He was looking down at the young girl whose torso was bandaged up and an IV was sticking in the hollow of her elbow. He didn’t really know what all the machines she was attached to did, but he didn’t touch them just to make sure he wouldn’t mess anything up. He had come here almost every night since the shooting. When the visiting hours were over, and her family was asked to leave, that was when he sat by her bed and sometimes held her limp hand.

Three nights ago, while he had been keeping her company, one of the monitors had started to increase their beeping sound, and then it had turned silent. Heart failure. He had quickly jumped out and looked watched from a distance how the night-shirt nurses brought her back to life once again. Ever since then, Kim had been paying special attention to not cause her any disturbance.

Two days ago, she had woken up once, at least he had read in her file when he had visited her later. She had been going in and out of her little coma for a while, and tonight, Kim was waiting for her to wake up. He hadn’t witnessed it yet, but he simply couldn’t wait anymore. Too many questions had been brooding in his head ever since he had left Chay’s apartment two hours ago. It was the middle of the night, almost morning, and he had come in about twenty minutes ago, contemplating whether or not he should dare wake her up.

No, she needs to rest, his white voice told him, but the grey one countered: this is about Chay! We need to kno- before the inner argument continued, Kim noticed the beeping sound increase in speed. Kim was in the midst of starting his sprint outside to check for the nurses, when he heard a little tired groan coming from the bed. The girl’s head lulled from the left to the right and her eyelids fluttered. Perfect.

“Hey, you’re okay,” he whispered and stroked her hand, worried how she would react to waking up. Her fingers flexed and finally, after a minute or two, she opened her eyes. At least a little bit. She looked drowsy and not really conscious yet, but aware enough to notice that this wasn’t her family or the doctors around her.

“W….who are you,” she croaked out and tried to focus more, which ended up causing her quite a lot of pain, so Kim just soothed her and said: “Don’t worry, you’re fine. I’m a friend. You’re in the hospital and your family is asleep. They will be back in a few hours.” She muttered an affirming sound, and he felt more comfortable to speak up.

“I… I’m here because I have a question about that night. Do you remember what happened?” Her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes looked distant before closing. For a second, Kim feared that she was falling asleep again, but then a stray tear escaped her eye and her mouth opened to let out a shaky exhale. “Hey, don’t worry, okay? You’re fine, forget that I asked. Go back to slee-” “Not much,” she whispered and left her eyes closed. “I… there was a truck, we were… in the back. Then shooting and… and WIK came and jumped. And I… I jumped and fell. Was… was shot, I think. Hurt.” Kim nodded although she couldn’t see him. At least now he knew that she wasn’t lucid enough to see that it was WIK who was sitting next to her.

He dared ask another question. “There was a boy. Did you see him? When it was over?” Another eyelid flutter and the hand that he was holding flexed. “I… the man was dead, and I got a-away.” “Into the alleyway, I know.” “Someone… came to me.” Kim’s ears were on high alert, taking every single word in. This was his only chance of finding out what Chay had seen. “What did he look like? Do you remember his face?” “T’was dark, rained. He… he pressed my,” next followed a word that Kim couldn’t make out, but he assumed was wound or stomach, where the bullet had hit her. “The sirens. Hospital. Mom, da-” before she could finish her keywords, the girl’s eyes drooped and closed. Falling asleep was much faster than waking up, Kim thought, and left the room with the new information.

Chay hadn’t just stayed behind the corner. He had left his hiding place and had tried to save the girl’s life. He probably did, just by holding her wound close and keeping her awake. Hadn’t it been for Kim’s boyfriend, the young teenager would probably not have survived, Kim thought bitterly. And he had just left the scene without helping. Without double-checking on her. Had he not listened to Kinn, he might have seen Chay with the girl and whatever misunderstanding was going on could have been solved before –

Just out of the hospital, Kim’s phone rang. It was the burner phone, and Vegas was on the line. “What?” “There has been another email just now. And… Pete and I checked the security cameras. Chay left his apartment building yesterday morning at nine thirty. He had a suitcase with him and waited for a bus.” Kim swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. “Okay, uhm… keep looking for the next cameras, maybe we can call the bus company and check what station he got off.” They both knew it would be useless to check. Chay had had a suitcase with him and had no intention of being found. He would have gone to the airport once again. Just like almost two years ago.

“What does the email say?” “Come to Chay’s apartment, we’re all here. Did you find anything at the hospital?” “Yeah, the girl woke up.” “Really?!” he heard Pete’s and Porsche’s excited voices, and he continued: “She was barely lucid, but told me that someone came to her when she was bleeding out. She couldn’t see his face, but he pressed on her wound before the ambulance arrived.” “Fuck,” Porsche said in the distance. “So he was really there?” “Hm…” Kim answered with a voice that was hard to interpret.

The apartment was way too small to fit five grown men, but somehow, they made it work. Kim, Vegas and Pete were sitting on Chay’s bed, while Porsche had taken a seat on the swivel chair. They were all looking at Kinn who was standing in front of the closet and read out what the mail said.

Subject: Theerapanyakul 2

Mr. Home Secretary,

Attached you will find new files proving the Theerapanyakuls’ involvement in major criminal cases. Your lack of response to my last email might be caused by you still being asleep, otherwise I’m sure you would be sending me messages asking me to please not go public with the scans. For your information, each of these emails will not only be addressed to you. I have also sent them to two random police precincts all over the country. With every email that you will receive, the scans will be published to more and more people until they reach the national press. Therefor, I urge you to act quickly and do your job of making this country safer.

Make your move.

Fuck, this guy is good, Kim thought grimly. He looked at the time. The last email had been sent three and a half hours ago. Right now, dawn was upon the city of Bangkok, and slowly but surely everybody got up and those who worked on Sundays got ready for work. Which meant that sooner or later, the random police precincts would take notice of the emails as well.

“He means business,” Kinn said with a tired face and rubbed his eyes. “We need to do damage control here. Find out who these mails had been sent to and track them down before anybody can read them. I told the Home Secretary to meet me in half an hour. I’ll bring Arm who can then hack into this email account and trace the mails down.” Kinn looked around the room but noticed that Kim and Porsche weren’t really focused enough to follow his thoughts. These two were hit the hardest by the news of Chay somehow betraying them. So Kinn had no other choice but to rely on Vegas and Pete.

“I will go back to the tower and deal with the emails to the police precincts. Vegas, you keep an eye on the airport. Find out where he might have gone and if he used a different credit card like last time. Kim? Babe? You two stay here and check for new clues.” “But shouldn’t Porsche go back to the tower, too? Your father will otherwise suspect something’s going on if he isn’t home.” Kinn sighed and nodded. “You’re probably right, Pete. And we need to get things under control fast. Father is expecting Kim and Chay to go on vacation tomorrow, so if you are still here by then, he will figure out that something happened.”

“Okay,” the youngest said with a venomous voice, barely containing his anger at this situation, “you four go and take care of the emails and the security cameras while I sit fucking still and rummage through this little fucke-” “KIM!” yelled Porsche and formed tight fists, “don’t you fucking speak of him this way!” The slightly smaller man raised his chin and looked up at Chay’s brother. “Then how the fuck am I supposed to speak of him, huh?! He just left. Again! Without telling us what the fuck was going on! Why on earth would he d-” “Hey, calm down, yelling won’t get us anywhere.” “That’s rich coming from you, cousin,” Kim spat that final word out and rolled his eyes before slamming the closet door shut.

With some of his adrenaline out of his body, he calmed down enough to say: “Just go, okay? I’ll see if I find something. Maybe a booked hotel or something.” “Good idea,” Kinn said softly. We’ll let you know if we find anything else.” The four oldest then left the apartment and went to their designated destinations, leaving Kim in the tiny, ugly apartment with his déjà vu from almost two years ago. Juts like last time, he felt helpless and confused. But this time, the anger overweighed the worry and rationality.

He knew that before he could make any progress with his research, he would have to put himself into Chay’s shoes. See what would drive him to such a drastic decision. So Kim went into his head to relive of the time shortly before the shooting had happened. He remembered every one of their video calls and tried to detect the exact moment where things had gone south. Was it just the shooting or had there been other instances during which Chay had plotted his little scheme? Had he fallen out of lovewith Kim before any of this happened? Since when did he hate his own family so much? It couldn’t possibly have been planned since Norway, right? But he had already hated the Theerapanyakuls back then. Maybe him coming back had been part of his disgusting little scheme. Since when had it all been a show for Chay?

This is probably just a misunderstanding, the white voice on his shoulder tried to console him and bring light into the situation. Nonsense! The grey one countered. The shooting happened what? – less than a week ago! He couldn’t have possibly planned all of this in this short amount of time! Unless he had been planning it for way longer already!

Kim agreed with his grey voice. The last time Chay had run away, he had had much more time to prepare for it. He had to get his passport and a new credit card, as well as a phone. That all took time! And over the past week, he was supposed to not only do all of this, but also find the files in Porsche’s office, scan them, get a plane ticket, and study for his exams?! No way, Kim thought and figured that he must have had help from someone. He then tightened his lips and thought about the most obvious culprit.

“Hello?” came the delayed answer on the phone when it was finally picked up, “Kim? Why are you calling?” “Be honest or else I’m going to skin you alive,” he answered with a growl, “where is Chay?” Silence filled the air before a high-pitched “What do you mean where is Chay?!” was delivered. “What’s going on?!” He sounded genuine; Kim had to give him that much. But he didn’t give in just yet. “You better be telling the truth, Macau. Because whatever the two of you have been thinking in your stupid little heads can cost all of us our lives if you don’t stop this shit now.” Suddenly, Kim’s cousin turned more serious than Kim had ever seen him.

“Kim? I swear to whatever deity is out there. I. Don’t. Know. What. You’re. talking. About. What happened? Where is Chay?” After a brief contemplation, Kim let his cousin in on the story. “… and then the Home Secretary sends us two emails where Chay attached files and scans that could bring all of us down if they get into the wrong hands,” he concluded his monologue. Macau had been listening intently, only interrupting him once to yell at his roommates to go eat dinner without him.

“Fuck, what the hell?!” was his first reaction. “Why would I help him with this though? I know about your guys’ plan!” That was true. When the five had started plotting the downfall of Kim’s father, they had decided that some people would have to be in on it, or at least partially. This was why Tankhun had been tasked with keeping Korn busy whenever the five met in the safehouse, or why Arm made sure that none of the burner phones were on the family’s radar. And Macau had been included by Vegas after long contemplation. In the end, the group had decided to let him know about most of the plan, mostly because he was close to Chay and could help them cover their traces whenever Chay would ask too many questions when the five would be gone for days.

And unlucky as they were, Macau was gone the one time they would have needed him. He could have been there for Chay and tell the five about his best friend’s discovery in the alleyway. Fuck; he could have even stopped him from going out that night! “I just don’t understand why he didn’t tell us about what he saw!” Kim ranted to his cousin, not caring that this was the longest and least bitchy conversation they had in years. But Macau was much more sociable and psychologically inclined than most of the family and came for Chay’s defense.

“Well, sure, but on the other hand: try to see it from his perspective. He knows we’re the mafia and do illegal shit all the time. A sex trafficking ring is not unusual in our business, but it probably shocked him. He must have figured that… I don’t know. Maybe he found the files in Porsche’s office and thought that you guys were the bad guys in this scenario.” “But we weren’t! We’ve been trying to get out of this shit for over a year now!!!” “I know, but he doesn’t! For all Chay knows, you’re an asshole who sells young teenagers to foreigners and kills some of them on the street! Plus – and you shouldn’t underestimate this part – he thought you were in Japan all this time, right?”

It dawned on Kim. On the night of the shooting, far too late at night, Chay had asked him to send a picture of that night’s performance! It wasn’t unusual for him to do that, but maybe he had seen Kim from his hiding spot and had wanted to make sure he actually saw his boyfriend behind the restaurant! Fuck. “I was in Japan! But I came home earlier to finish the job because we got a good lead on Khleng!” “Hmmm,” Macau hummed in an exaggerated tone as if he was speaking to a toddler, “but once again. Chay doesn’t know that.”

Kim groaned and rubbed his face. “This little fucker!” “Hey, that’s my best friend we’re talking about!” “Oh come on, as if you aren’t frustrated at him.” Macau huffed a dry laugh. “He can be really dramatic at times. I think he spends too much time with your oldest brother.” The line went silent for a while before Kim got up from the bed and said: “Okay, I believe you that you got nothing to do with this. Keep your eyes and ears open and have your phone on you in case we need to speak to you, k?” “Of course.” “Oh and obviously; same as always, got it?” “No word to uncle Korn, I know.” “Good. We hope we can find him before father finds out about the leak. Because if he does…” “Then not only is Chay in danger, but he will also know that you guys were collecting the files to sell him out to the authorities.” “Hmmm,” Kim hummed affirmatively. “Chay just made this a whole lot harder for us…”

Kim was sitting in front of Chay’s desk, starting the laptop once again to double check if there were any information on it. He didn’t really have high hopes, because last time he escaped, Chay had made sure to not leave any traces on his own computer. Hence the probability of a new phone, which he had probably taken abroad with him. He fired a quick message to his brother, checking for updates on the emails, and texted Vegas to ask for any news on the bus and airport security cameras.

In retrospect, he would chide himself for being too careless and losing himself in his tasks. His senses had been trained since he was five years old to always be on alert. To never leave any stimuli unnoticed and to always have eyes in his back. But with the laptop and two different chats on his to-do list, Kim’s senses were already quite busy and so he didn’t hear the front door open and the footsteps creeping closer towards where he was sitting in the swivel chair.

Chapter Text

July 4^th

Kim’s eyes were glued to the lptop in front of him and his mind was running a mile a minute. He only felt his fine hairs at the back of his neck stand up suddenly, about five seconds ago and was currently planning his next move. Fuck, he really should have thought this whole thing through! Checking the desk he was sitting in front of, he didn’t find a suitable weapon that fast. His knife was holstered on his shoe, and any movement towards it would be noticed by the intruder, who had yet to make a noise. But Kim knew that they were standing just by the open door to Chay’s room. Probably looking at Kim and contemplating their next move as well.

The youngest Theerapanyakul hadn’t been paying close attention, but he was sure that it was just one person and not more. Usually, he would have been able to tell if they were male or female by the sound of their steps, but he had only noticed them when they had come to a halt. With the knife option ruled out, his only choice was to swiftly turn around and attack with his hands. His mind was flooded with information. The distance to the intruder was too wide to be bridged with a single step, but if Kim was quick, he would be able to reach them in two and a half. Well, add a little extra time to get out of the cheap swivel chair of which two wheels didn’t turn fast enough and would inevitably slow him down. He then thought back to what the room behind him looked like. Was the closet door closed? Because if it was open, it would be an obstacle to move around to get to the door. But on the other hand, it would also be a decent hiding place if the intruder happened to be carrying a gun or a –

“With all due respect, it seems to me like you need to work on your situational awareness.” Kim’s shoulders tensed and his heart started racing, but he tried to play it cool. He pushed all the questions to the back of his head to play along. “What makes you think I haven’t noticed you?” A contemplative humming sound before the answer. “Well even if you did, I would have had more than enough time to kill you before you even turned around.” “I happen to prefer planning my attacks over acting irrationally.” “And that’s exactly what could get you killed one day. I have been telling you for ages now.”

He really had always said that. Had chided Kim for taking his time and not acting quick enough. Or acting too much on instinct when the situation called for careful planning. In all aspects, it was clear that Kinn was the perfect mix of Vegas and Kim. Vegas’ impulsiveness and brutality tended to work against him sometimes, while Kim often pulled back too much and preferred the thinking over the action. All in all, it had always been the right decision to make Kinn the heir to his father. 

Finally, Kim pushed the swivel chair back and stood up. The only sound in the room was the high-pitched squeak of the furniture that made Kim’s fine neck hair stand up. He hated that awful sound and would have to convince Chay to buy a new chair at some point. With his arms crossed at his chest, he turned around and looked at the man’s face, trying not to show his surprise at the attire the intruder was wearing. He couldn’t fool the man though, who stood ramrod straight and answered the unasked question. “I don’t really like wearing suits on my day off.” Kim nodded curtly and formed fists in his armpits. “That doesn’t explain what you’re doing here in my boyfriend’s apartment at eight a.m. on a Sunday.”

Kim had always hated and admired the man’s perfectioned poker face. It had always made him furious that he couldn’t read him like anybody else. His professional words and posture stood in stark contrast to the pair of casual jeans and zip-up hoody. “I wanted to sleep in but couldn’t. So I figured I might as well take a look at the security on our buildings and see how easy they are to break in. Looks like this one needs to be improved. And not just on a security level. My, my, look at that overflowing bin… looks like Khun Chay is a little messy…” Kim’s eyes narrowed, and he looked him up and down. It was obvious that something was fishy here. Both men were disclosing their cards to the other and neither of them wanted to make the first move.

“Does anybody else know what you are doing on your days off?” “No. Khun Korn had to attend at a last-minute meeting outside the tower and isn’t expecting my company before tomorrow.” Kim decided to shoot the next, far more dangerous question. “You don’t seem to be surprised to see me here. Why?” The older man looked like he had been expecting the question and answered diplomatically. “What you do is none of my business, Khun Kim. I am on your father’s detail and take my role very seriously. I am a mere guard and occasional advisor, but however the Theerapanyakul family decides to do their business; I will follow my orders and not ask any questions. So if you happen to have returned from your Japan tour a bit earlier than expected, I will not ask you, why.”

Kim respected his father’s head bodyguard. His work ethic was immaculate and all three brothers – possibly even Vegas and Macau – admired him for his reliability and efficiency. He was the only person that wasn’t blood-related that could make Kim want to bow his head in respect. “Chan?” Kim asked and dared to show a bit of his emotional turmoil. Heck, Chan had watched him grow up! He had trained him, had watched him have his first WIK performance, had handed him a handkerchief when his mother had died. Of course Chan could read Kim. And while more important things were on the to-do list, he somehow needed Chan’s approval.

“Do you know why I am back?” Chan sighed and stepped into the room, releasing his hands from where they had been clasping onto each other before his torso in perfect bodyguard fashion. “I have my suspicions. I think so does your father. But like I said,” he continued and went to the desk where he picked up something that Kim couldn’t see, “I will not stand between either of you or your jobs. I am only here to check on the apartment and see if Khun Chay needs any further safety measures. It’s protocol that this place be checked every few months.” Kim nodded and followed along with the spiel. “That sounds like a good idea.”

After a second of silence during which Kim closely observed the older man, who paced around the room and looked at the window as if to check its safety, Chan spoke up and said: “Funny enough, Khun Korn has gotten notice of one of his associates to have been killed a few nights ago. Behind a restaurant…” “Yeah, my brother has told me about it. Looks like a small gang has been trying to get into our territory.” “Hm,” Chan hummed and turned whatever he was holding in his hands around. “Well I’m sure you know what your father will do to such minor gangs that cause disruption to his system.” “Yes, I am aware. But I think that maybe the death of a small henchman won’t be the worst that could happen, don’t you agree? Maybe he was just being useless or not worth the effort of being on the Theerapanyakul’s paylist anyway. Maybe the smaller gang has done us a favor.”

“I am not sure that Khun Korn would agree with you on that.” “Yes, so do I.” Kim sat down on the edge of the bed and finally signaled that he was done keeping his guards up. While they were both circling the hot topic like dogs who were busy fighting over some scrap meat, both Chan and Kim weren’t hostile with one another.

“How is my father, then? I’m sure he is quite worried about this small gang that’s been messing up all of his plans.” Chan hummed once again, and Kim huffed a dry laugh. Damn this man was good. Kept treating the waters, conscious of never overstepping the line. Like he had read the fine print and was now very aware of what he could say and what he couldn’t. He only kept twirling something from Chay’s desk in his hands.

“Not that I know of Khun Korn’s intricate business model and ideas. But I’ve heard that he’s been worrying about this getting out of hand. He… has been suspecting an outer force to be behind all of this, and has been trying to get rid of the problem from the root.” Kim furrowed his brows, not getting behind the metaphor. What outer force? Did he mean Vegas? As in not part of the major family? Or maybe not the five after all? Or h-

“I have been trying to keep your father out of his and Khun Porsche’s office for a while now. There has been… a rodent infection and the care takers had to evacuate the rooms. I didn’t want to worry your father and kept it a secret. But I won’t be able to keep him locked out for much longer. So… if you happen to have anything that belongs in there, now would be the perfect time to return it.” Kim looked him deep in the eyes, hoping that his thanks for this valuable information was conveyed. “I will keep it in mind,” he promised. Chan had just offered very crucial information to him: Korn knew about Kim’s and the others’ plan of overthrowing him. But he didn’t know that the files from his and Porsche’s offices were gone. He didn’t know that Porsche had taken them home and in return, that Chay had scanned them and was using them.

Kim’s mind was running on overdrive again, and while he was busy processing all the information, Chan cleared his throat and started walking towards the door. “Well, I should get going. I have got places to be. Oh and by the way -” he turned back and looked Kim in the eye, “When I checked the security level on this building, I came across a very confusing instance when looking at the camera footage at the entrance area. I am no expert on technology, and as Khun Chay’s boyfriend, I am sure you want the best for him, so I feel like you should know this. July 31^st, two forty.” With that, he walked away and towards the apartment door.

Kim jumped up and followed him. “Chan!” He sounded desperate and was confused at his own action. How could he ever repay Chan for this? For betraying his boss, for risking his life to come see Kim? He wouldn’t even ask how Chan knew that he was here. How much he knew about Chay’s absence or the rest of their plan. He would take whatever Chan was willing to give with gratitude. “I… thank you.” The older man bowed down, ever the professional, and smiled ever-so-slightly. “It’s my job to do these building inspections for the family members, Khun Kim.” “I… yes. But… not on your day off.” Chan huffed and reached next to himself. At first, Kim thought he was grabbing the door handle, but then Chan placed the thing that he had been twirling in his hand this whole time onto the nearest cabinet, behind the little bowl where Macau and Chay kept their keys; out of Kim’s sight.

“Well if you ever want to reward me for my work ethics, I wouldn’t say no to a little vacation. I heard London is great this time of year.” With one final deep look in Kim’s eyes, the bodyguard was gone through the apartment door and had left the building.

Chapter Text

July 4^th

Kim bolted forward and looked for the object. Chan was a master of speaking in riddles. Saying the truth but disguising it so that he couldn’t be accused of anything. Rather than giving the answer to the problem, he was nudging Kim in the right direction. Chan had used this style of pedagogy even back when he started training Kim and his brothers. He wouldn’t explain to them how to get out of ropes and handcuffs. Instead, he would tie them together and sit in a corner in the room, occasionally throwing in little keywords and sentences that seemed to be unrelated but hid the solution of how to get out of the bonds.

Reaching behind the little key bowl, he retrieved the little item that the man had stolen from Chay’s desk. Kim finally got to see what little hint Chan had been using all this time. With all due respect Khun Kim, it seems to me like you need to work on your situational awareness. Right now, it was clear that Chan hadn’t been talking about noticing the intruder. No. he had been talking about the awareness of the situation. Of the location. Of the physical evidence that was hidden in the room. Because Kim, just like the other four, had been too emotional to take everything in and evaluate it logically. And so they had simply overlooked stuff. Stuff like the little thing that had been standing on Chay’s desk like an innocent piece of decoration. Kim might have kept ignoring it if Chan hadn’t pointed it out by literally playing with it for a few minutes.

But when he saw the little marble figurine, a high-quality piece of chess, Kim nearly slapped his forehead. How could he not have noticed this sooner?! If there was one person that liked chess, it was his father. Which meant that Chay had somehow gotten ahold of this figurine. And Kim would bet his left leg that the time stamp on the security camera would show Korn Theerapanyakul entering the building to place it here. That, or he had ordered for the evidence to be deleted, which Kim would notice as well now that Chan had pointed it all out. With all due respect Khun Kim, it seems to me like you need to work on your situational awareness.

Kim pulled his burner phone out and speed-dialed the third of four numbers that he had saved. “Yes?” Vegas answered with a tired voice. Neither of them had slept all night long and were too busy to catch a break. “Are you checking the security cameras?” “Yes, why? The bus doesn’t have any camera footage, because the old busses aren’t equipped yet, but I’ve been trying to look at the building’s footage of the last few days.” “Check June 31^st at two thirty – maybe afternoon, maybe night, I’m not sure yet. I’m sure you’ll find something there.”

Thankfully, his cousin didn’t question his orders and only said: “Okay, anything else?” They learned not to ask questions when they weren’t necessary. And the fact that Vegas trusted Kim with this order meant that they were all starting to work like a well-oiled machine. “Yes, once you’re done with that, check the departing flights on July 3^rd at ten a.m. and later.” “Pete’s got a list of all flights of the day, but they’re too many. We can’t check all of their lists for Chay’s name, especially if he’s travelling under a fake name.”

Kim power-walked back into Chay’s bedroom and sat down at the desk. “Try London. If that doesn’t get any results, try other English airports.” Once again, Vegas didn’t ask where he was getting this information from, and Kim was more than glad about it. It meant that they wouldn’t be wasting time retelling the story of Chan coming to the room. Because if his father’s main guard had wanted all five of them to know all the details, he would have come earlier when all of them had still been there. No. Chan had chosen this moment on purpose. With only Kim present. Not that he didn’t trust Kinn, but Kim was sure that Chan had the intention of minimizing the risk of being snitched on. And Kim would treasure this trust in him. Because in a world this ugly and full of back-stabbers, trust is a rare good that needed to be validated and not be trifled with.

“Thanks, I’ll message you if anything else comes up. By the way, have you found anything regarding a new credit card or something?” “Pete says no. Chay’s old bank account hasn’t been touched and we haven’t found any purchase of a plane ticket.” Kim furrowed his brows and said: “Okay, I’ll take care of that. Tell Pete to find out when Chay arrived in London. Check the security cameras there and find out what hotel he might have gone to. If we can’t find him via his money, we’re going to trace him down through the cameras.”

Remembering Chan’s other advise, the one that had tipped the scale and had showed Kim that Chan was on their side, he speed-dialed the second number on his burner phone. “Yes?” “Porsche, are you busy?” “Kind of, I’m helping Kinn with keeping the Home Secretary calm and am guiding Arm to trace the emails back. Why?” “Leave Arm alone for now. Tell him that the mails are probably from London and h-” “London?!” Porsche interrupted him. “Why London? Did you find Chay?!” “Ssssh! Are you alone right now?” Kim was worrying that Porsche could be heard if he was in his office or other public spaces.

“Sorry, I’m just with Arm right now. What did you say about London?” “I’ll explain it later, I don’t know where exactly Chay is, but trust me, London has something to do with it. I need you to do something very quickly, okay?” Porsche seemed to be able to ignore his curiosity and listened. “Anything.” “You have to get the files back to your and my father’s office asap. Make sure nobody sees you and keep it secret, okay?”

He was sure that Porsche had many questions. Why was it so urgent to bring the files back when Chay already had them? What did Korn know about them missing? Did he have intel on the mails and was Chay in danger? But thankfully, Porsche simply replied with “Okay, I’ll get going right now. I’ll ask Tankhun to keep your father away long enough.” “He should be at a meeting outside the tower.” Once again, Porsche must be having many questions, but swallowed them down.

“Ask Arm to delete the camera footage of you entering my father’s office. Place everything the way you found it.” “Okay. Anything else?” “Do you know if Chay has any connection to London?” “No, nothing at all.” “Yeah, I didn’t think so either. I’ll call you later, keep your phone on you.”

Okay, one next thing done. Now came the biggest question. Kim hung up the phone and turned the little marble figurine in his hands, going through every single scenario he could think of. Somehow, his father was tied to all of this. Chan had implied so much: He… has been suspecting an outer force to be behind all of this, and has been trying to get rid of the problem from the root. This outside force was Chay. The little marble figurine proved it. But why would his father target Chay if he doesn’t know that the young man was trying to overthrow the family? If Chan was right, Korn didn’t know that Chay had taken the files and was using them against the family. What other threat does he pose to the patriarch?

And what did any of this had to do with Chay leaving? Like Kim had said in his phone call with Macau, it would have taken the youngest far too long to organize everything by himself. Especially given that they didn’t find any evidence of him leaving. No credit card, no new phone, no pricy last-minute plane tickets. Maybe it was good that Chay had left the country. Because if he had stayed, Korn might have done something very drastic to him – for whatever reason. Because he didn’t know Chay’s plan, at least according to Chan.

That reminded him of another clue that the older bodyguard had given him. My, my, look at that overflowing bin… looks like Khun Chay is a little messy… Kim looked to his side and down into the little bin next to the desk. The bin that was… perfectly fine. Not overflowing at all. Sure, it wasn’t completely empty, but nothing to be concerned about. Kim thanked his good instincts that caught every single word Chan had said. Not hesitating, he reached in and fished out the top five or so pieces of paper. Whatever Chan was referring to must have been added pretty recently.

Two of the papers stood out. They weren’t completely white but yellowed, in an aesthetic and expensive way. Something pulled Kim’s attention to them and turning them around, his eyes widened. He knew this handwriting very well. Had read it hundreds of times, because the author still preferred messaging people analogue, not wanting risk being tracked down digitally. So most mission calls that Kim had gotten had been written in this particular, very sleek calligraphy writing. On the bottom of each paper that Kim had received in many years, had stood the final line: burn it. This had been done to ensure that nobody could find the content. Kim sat down in the swivel chair, ignored the annoying squeaking sound of the old wheels, and started reading.

Once upon a time, there were two countries fighting in battle. The morning fog was covering the field the armies had to cross to get to each other, and the air was so thick one could cut through it. The two bishops stood on opposite sides, staring straight at each other, and even through the distance, the white bishop could see the black bishop’s desire to be with him. The white bishop looked down at the field he was standing on. It was white. Pristine white glistening in the morning fog. The black bishop stood on a black field. But their love story was only for the books, for they were on opposite sides and opponents by blood. They used to be so close, and looking at them now; their story was not what it used to be.

The white bishop was fuelled with rage for the opponents’ army and would stop seeking out the former lover once he learned of his loyalty to the black king. Then, the white king to the bishop’s left gave the signal to attack. With one last staredown, the game began, and the white bishop made his move, determined to kill the other king. The black bishop, still foolishly enchanted by the white one, moved to meet him, and so they danced their dance across the board. The black bishop didn’t know that his former lover had not the same intention as himself. The lovesick fool was trying to get closer to his other half, trying to embrace him in the center of the field.

The black bishop was a thoughtless fellow, for he had forgotten one very simple rule: they can never beat each other, never touch each other, never share a field, be it in peace or in war. Because the bishop is bound to the field of his color, and so the white bishop stayed on the white fields, and the black one stayed on the black ones. And so, no matter how hard the black bishop tried, he would never reach his love. And the white bishop was glad about it. Because his rage for the black bishop made him vow to never set foot next to him again. As the battle kept going, the white bishop noticed one thing: he couldn’t beat the black king, who never stepped off his black fields, and so any attempts of touching the king were as futile as the black bishop’s attempts of stepping onto the white ones.

This enraged the white bishop, who was trying to find a way of ending this misery. But then, the black king stepped onto the field next to him – so close for the white bishop to touch, but too far away to beat – and the royal whispered into the bishop’s ear.

And so the white bishop did something that the black bishop would have never deemed possible: he reached the game-board’s edge and jumped off and out of this game, running away from the other figures who were doomed to rot in their hell of a life. He could never beat the black king, nor the black bishop. But he could do one thing: he could stop playing this war. The white bishop was never seen again, and for the rest of eternity, the black bishop, foolish and stupid, looked for his lost love, while the white bishop lived a happy life. At some point, the black bishop will understand that their love story had been ill-fated from the start. He will rage and not understand at first, but unlike the white bishop, the black one is tied to the battlefield.

Look under your pillow. Make your move.

Kim didn’t really notice himself tear up in anger. Only when he finished reading the text did he press out a dry, humorless laugh and look up at the ceiling, clenching his fists around the papers. Of course. Of fucking course. There was the stone-cold truth to why Korn would want to get rid of Chay. The answer was so simple and so obvious to anyone who spent more than five minutes with the mafia kingpin. Because emotions are a weakness. Because they poison the mechanic, robotic mind of the killers that Korn Theerapanyakul had trained them to be.

Of fucking course his father wanted to get rid of Chay. Because he knew that Kim would always prioritize his boyfriend. Would choose him over any mission that his father gave him. Kim reread the last line over and over again. Make your move. The same line that Chay had used to sign the two emails. A silent protest to Korn.

His instincts had been right. Chay couldn’t have possibly organized his leaving on his own in such a short time period. He must have had help. But Kim’s first thought had been Macau, and oh how wrong he had been. It hadn’t been Chay’s best friend who helped him organize the plane ticket to London. Look under your pillow. It had been Kim’s own father.

“FUCK,” he yelled and threw the paper ball across the room. He had been holding onto his sanity for far too long now. Ever since they had found out that Chay was gone, he had worked either on autopilot or on instincts. Right now, all of his suppressed emotions rose to the surface like lava in a volcano. “SON OF A BITCH! I’LL KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING CUNT!” He kicked the little paper bin across the room, sending the trash flying around. Next was the closet door behind which Chay kept his remaining clothes, the ones that he hadn’t taken to London. Kim had been annoyed at the door for months now. It never closed properly and always left a little gap open. But he had always contained his anger. Until now. Right now, he punched the door so hard that it got an indent in the cheap wood.

The infuriating swivel chair was his next victim. With a loud, fierce cry, Kim bolted forward and let his anger out on the cheap piece of furniture until it was but a pile of trash. Only then did he lean back against the damaged closet and scootch down until he sat on the floor. At some point during his yelling and punching fit, his knuckles had burst open and were now bloody in some spots. It wasn’t anything Kim wasn’t used to, but for now, the slight pain pulled him back down to earth and away from the self-destructive headspace.

His father had been trying to get rid of Chay. He had been the one to poison his head into leaving the country. All along, it had been the family patriarch himself who had been planning this. Kim, Kinn, Porsche, Chay, Vegas – they were all just pieces in his elaborate game of chess. And Kim was the black bishop, unable to follow his king’s orders because he was too enamored with the white bishop; the enemy. The fact that Chay hated the family business had been playing into Korn’s hands very well. It had been the catalyst that had been used to drive Chay away from Kim.

But Korn had forgotten one thing: Chay hated Kim so much that he was going to take revenge on the whole family. The youngest had lost all of his faith, not knowing how much he and Kim had been playing for the same team. Because Kim wasn’t the black bishop. He was the other white one. He wiped his nose dry and looked at his bloody knuckles with blurry eyes and laughed humorlessly. Yes, he was the other white bishop. But one thing had been completely right in his father’s story: the bishops were tied to the color that they were standing on. And Chay was the white bishop that walked on the white fields, while Kim was the white bishop that walked on the black fields.

- He would be able to bring the black king down, who never stepped off his black fields. But Korn had said one thing very correctly, and it had taken Kim until now to fully understand it: they can never beat each other, never touch each other, never share a field, be it in peace or in war. Chay and Kim played for the same team, although Kim looked like he was part of the enemy’s army. But even in the same team, they were so perfect for each other, completing each other. Together, they had access to the entire battlefield. But in the end, the white bishop that walked the white spaces and the white bishop that walked the black ones were destined to be apart.

What even was the point of all of this, Kim asked himself and looked down at his knees. How come that after all this time, his father was still right about something? Kim loathed the fact that Korn knew that sooner or later, Kim and Chay would realize that they were walking different paths. But Kim had tried! He had tried becoming part of the white army! And he would do anything to walk on the white tiles just like Chay! But the youngest had lost faith in him. Had abandoned Kim before the older had been able to finish changing. He hated him to the point of rather being apart forever than to listen to him explain himself.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he heard the faint “Kim?” and looked up. In the doorway stood Kinn, Porsche, Vegas, and Pete, all of whom had knowing and pitiful expressions on their faces.

Chapter Text

July 4^th

The four slowly made their way into the destroyed room, carefully stepping around the pieces of furniture that were between them and the youngest. “Kim?” His brother tried again and knelt down next to him. What he saw broke Kinn’s heart. Kim, ever so stoic and pretending to be emotionless, looked like his whole world had just fallen apart. And although they had never had the luxury of having a good relationship, Kinn’s brotherly instincts kicked in full force and he pulled his baby brother into his arms, stroking his back. He wanted to tell him that everything would be alright, but somehow, he doubted that he would be telling the truth.

Kim then pulled back from the embrace, and miraculously, not a single tear had fallen. He was really trying to hold on to his composure. With a deep sigh, the youngest crawled over the floor towards the ball of yellowish paper and handed it to Porsche. “Your brother left for London. With help from my father.” Vegas and Pete huddled around Porsche to read the text over his shoulder, while Kinn kept kneeling on the floor, close to Kim who was ignoring his gaze.

“Fuck,” Pete whispered and started pacing the room. “Your father sure has got a thing for chess metaphors.” Kim huffed. “Yeah, that son of a bitch was trying to get rid of Chay. Not because he knows about the scans, but because Chay is a threat to his arsenal of mindless killers.” “But there’s one thing that I don’t understand,” Vegas said. “If he wanted to get rid of Chay because he makes you ‘weak’, then shouldn’t he also be trying to get rid of Porsche for doing the same to Kinn?” Oh fuck. Kim had hoped that this wouldn’t come up. Looking at his brother, he could see the wheels in his head turning until his eyes widened in shock. Kim saw the exact split second in which Kinn understood why Chay was a threat, but Porsche wasn’t.

“Because this isn’t about me,” he said and looked at Kim. “It’s about you.” Kim sighed and looked down. “I didn’t know he’d go this far, phi.” The slip of the honorific showed just how distressed Kim was. “I… ever since I left the family, I didn’t understand why father wouldn’t let me go. Why he’d always come back to me for missions and why he always kept an eye on me. I asked myself why he’d do this to me but not to Tankhun.” It was hard for him to keep speaking, but thankfully, Vegas understood him just fine.

“He wanted you to replace Kinn, right?” The youngest looked at his brother with distressed eyes. “I… He never outright told me. But I somehow knew. It’s also one of the reasons why I wanted to quit this business.” Because I couldn’t kill you. He would have never thought how much Kinn’s response would worry him, but he needn’t be scared, as Kinn nodded with a sad smile. “I know, Kimmy. It was obvious that father had some sort of plan that involved you. Because you are…” more ruthless than the rest of us. More cunning and less morally inclined. At least you used to. Before Chay.

“So he wanted to get rid of Chay to keep you as his perfect weapon.” Kim searched for disgust or hatred in Kinn’s eyes, but only found some that wasn’t directed at him. Only fury at their father. “Why London?” Kinn asked, the only person who Kim hadn’t called earlier. “Does it say so on the paper?” Kim shook his head and with a silent look told his brother that he wouldn’t disclose how he knew about the location. Kinn stared him deep in the eyes and then nodded, understanding Kim’s decision.

Porsche sat down on Chay’s bed and started muttering colorful curses directed at his boyfriend’s father. Kim then asked Kinn: “What are you doing here?” He was wondering why all four of them had decided to come back to the apartment when they all had things to do. “I talked to the Home Secretary on the phone. He’s very worried about who has received the mails. Luckily, Arm found out which police precincts the first mail had been sent to. I managed to bribe the officers to delete them. Arm is still trying to trace the emails back, we don’t know exactly where they were sent from, because he seemed to have used a vpn or somethi-” “Macau!” Porsche suddenly shouted. “Macau has got a vpn account that they use for their movie nights!” Vegas’ eyes started to get large in realization and said: “I’ll call him to give us access to it, maybe Chay has locked in and changed his location so that it diverts us from London.”  

A tiny light of hope at the end of a very long tunnel. Kim nodded. “Okay, hopefully he finds the addressees of the second email just as quickly. What else?” Pete then spoke up. “When you said to look for flights to London, I found something. There was a flight at twelve-fifty p.m. and when I looked at the security cameras at the gate, I think I found Chay waiting for the departure. It was quite blurry and I’m not really sure if it really is him, but you should take a look at it to confirm. There is no ticket issued to a person named Porchay, but if you’re right and your father organized his departure, it would be very easy to fake this type of thing.”

Pete then pulled out his phone on which the group saw a blurry, badly developed snapshot of a security camera at Bangkok Airport. There were many people sitting at the gate, but Kim’s eyes were immediately drawn to a person sitting at the far left. There he was. His boyfriend, dressed in a loose black hoodie and jeans, wearing his standard backpack. They really couldn’t tell if this was truly Chay, but Kim just knew that it was him. It was the posture that told him that he was looking at his boyfriend. Slightly slumped over, probably due to his many hours of sitting at the computer, and his left leg that was flared out into the space before him while the right was pulled underneath his knee.

“Yeah, that’s him.” After a pregnant pause, Kim added: “we should see where the flight landed in London. And follow him through the cameras.” “There’s just a tiny problem,” Pete said with a pained smile. “Your father sure knew what he was doing and why he sent him to London.” When the rest of the group looked confused, the former bodyguard explained: “The flight that Chay took went to London Heathrow. It’s the biggest and busiest airport in all of Europe.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Porsche said vehemently. “We have to find him. We’ve done it before by searching every fucking house in Norway. Even if it takes weeks, we’ll look at every fucking frame if it’s necessary.” “Okay. Did you manage to get the files back into the offices?” Porsche nodded and said that Pol helped him stand guard so that the air was clear.

Just when Kim wanted to ask Vegas if Macau had already replied back to him, Kinn’s phone rang, and even without looking they could all tell who the caller was. With a grim look, the heir answered. “Hello Mr. Home Secretary. We ha-” Unlike last time, Kinn didn’t put the device on speaker phone, but the entire group could hear his muffled yelling. “I understand, sir. But you’ll be pleased to know that we have found out who has been sending you the mails and w-” he waited to let the man rant, “yes, we are taking care of it… Because we need to get to his location first… Of course… Yes, please send me the mail as well… no, don’t answer to it just yet. We will have to take a look at the message befo-, yes, I understand. Don’t worry, we will make sure that nothing will come in the way… you too, sir.”

Hanging up, Kinn groaned and sat down on the bed – one of the only pieces of furniture that Kim hadn’t destroyed, and undid the button of his suit. “Chay just sent another mail. Sounds like it was even more threatening than the last two.” He then switched to his email-app and pulled up the newest forwarded message.

Subject: Theerapanyakul 3

Mr. Home Secretary.

Given that I haveyet to receive an answer on your side (I trust that you are awake at this hour), I can’t shake the feeling that I am not being taken seriously. So to give you some motivation to start your job, this email finds not only you and the promised two police precincts, but also to the official email address of one of the nation’s biggest news agencies. I urge you to start working on doing the right thing and arresting the criminals instead of working with them in return for money.

I will give you some time to act, but be aware that if I do not see any public news about it soon, I will make sure that all information be published internationally. I am sure you are aware of the consequences that this will have for not only you, but also your entire political party and jurisdictions.

Make your move.

They were all silent for a while before Porsche muttered: “I better call Arm to track this email down as well.” Pete added: “Good idea. He might need some help with it, too, but I’m not that tech savvy.” Just then, Vegas’ phone ringed and he put it on speaker phone. “Hi Macau, what time is it over there? Did I wake you up? “Hi hia, don’t be silly. It’s ten p.m. here and my roommates are out to party.” They all knew why Macau hadn’t joined them. He had probably been on his toes since Kim had talked to him and explained that Chay had gone missing. “Don’t worry, we’ll fix this.” “I know, hia. Why did you text me to call you?”

Vegas looked at the other four and said: “We think that Chay might be using your vpn account to send the emails from a different IP address. We need access to it.” “No problem, I’ll send you the login details in a second.” “Great, thanks. Oh, and actually, I just remembered that you might help us. If you’re free that is.” They could practically hear Macau’s eyeroll. “Hia, this is serious. Of course I’m helping. The courses for the rest of the week aren’t that important anyway.” “Thank you.” “No problem, what can I do?”

“Arm is very busy tracking the emails down and finding out who else they were sent to. Chay also messaged some police precincts, presumably from the same account. But it’s a lot for Arm to work through and we thou-” “No problem,” Macau said instantly. “I’ll tell my roommates that I’m sick and set my computer up in the bedroom. Just get me on a video call with P’Arm.” “You’re the best,” Vegas said with a proud smile, and they were all thankful for Macau to have chosen a career in computer science.

“Do you have any new information already?” Nobody wanted to answer Macau’s question, but in the end, Pete sighed and explained everything to the youngest. How Korn was behind most of this, but didn’t know about Chay’s threatening emails, how they knew that he was in London, but still had to find out who he had sent the emails to.

Macau took the news like a champ. Very maturely, he accepted the ugly truth and faced reality without major emotional turmoil. After one last assertion that he’d do his best to be of help to Arm, he hung up the phone. By the time the conversation had finished, Pete had already texted his former colleague and friend to get into contact with Macau.

“He’ll message Chay and they’re going to take care of the mails,” he murmured with deeply furrowed brows and a frown. “What’s wrong, Pete?” his best friend asked, and Pete looked up. “It doesn’t make any sense.” What do you mean?” Vegas asked and his boyfriend explained. “He’s in London, right? Well right now, it is four a.m. in England, which is awfully early for a threatening email. He took the flight at one p.m. yesterday and arrived at seven p.m. London time. I assume that he has taken a bus or train or whatever to his hotel or apartment, where he sent the first email, which reached us at four a.m. That would mean that he sent the first mail at ten p.m. The seco-” “Pete sweety, you’re not making much sense,” Vegas frowned, and Pete rolled his eyes, slapping his right hand into his left one.

“Okay. Think you’re Chay. You just arrived in London at seven p.m. You are tired, worried, afraid, you name it, he feels it. You get to your apartment and send the first mail at ten p.m. The next one at two a.m.” Pete was right. They had received the second email two hours ago at around eight a.m. Bangkok time. The time difference between London and Bangkok equaled six hours, Kim quickly checked on his phone.

“You are very tired but wait two more hours to send the third email. Just now, at four a.m. London time.” He then looked around the group and asked: “When does he sleep? He just arrived at his hotel late in the evening. Why send three emails within a two- to four-hour interval when he could have just as well sent one big email and go to sleep?!”

They all furrowed their brows. Pete was right. It didn’t make any sense. Even if Chay had slept for the entire flight, he would have been exhausted. “And that math is only possible if he lives in a close radius to the airport. When his flight landed at seven p.m. and he sent the first email three hours later, he must be very close to the airport.” Once again, Pete was probably right. Downtown London traffic took a long time to get through, and Chay would also have to get through customs and baggage claim before making his way to his permanent home.

Permanent home. That term struck Kim and sliced his heart in two. Just a few days ago, he had been Chay’s permanent home. And right now it was some ratty London hotel or a run-down apartment that Korn had bribed Chay with. “You’re right,” Kinn said and pulled his younger brother out of his angry head. “We can’t wait for Arm and Macau to check for the correct IP address of the computer from which Chay had sent these mails. We need to check the cameras at the airport, like Porsche suggested.”

The latter looked at the time. “It’s past ten a.m., and we’ve been awake all night. We cannot possibly do all of this right now, as much as I’d love to.” Vegas sighed and agreed. “But we need to make sure the news agency doesn’t get the latest email.” “I’ll text Arm that this is top priority for now. But we can’t really do much right now, especially not like this.” Porsche pointed at Kim, whose knuckles had long ago stopped bleeding, but were still sore and bruised. “We need to calm down and go home to keep up the appearance that nothing’s wrong.”

They all nodded reluctantly. They needed to keep their advantage over Korn. If he found out that Chay was going against his plan, it would end in a bloodbath, that much was sure. In addition to this, Korn didn’t know that the five knew that he knew of their betrayal. Wow, the intricate structure of this situation gave the group a headache, which even worsened due to their tiredness.

“Okay, you two,” Vegas said and pointed at Kinn and Porsche, “go back to the tower. If your father is there or comes back from his outside meeting, you can say that you’ve decided to sleep in or eat out, whatever seems most believable. Pete and I will go back to the minor mansion and sneak in through the secret entrance.” Kim had always admired the little door that nobody – not even the major family – had known about. It had been added by Kan and found by Vegas. They all assumed that the former leader of the minor family had hired an architect to build the hidden door, and had killed the builders once it had been finished. In any case, nobody, including the moles that Korn inevitably had in the building, knew that Vegas and Pete had been missing all night.

“And you,” Vegas finished his list and looked at Kim, “you stay here and don’t leave.” The youngest sighed and nodded defeated. They couldn’t risk sending him back to his own apartment, because they didn’t know for sure if Korn knew he was already back from Japan. At least, Chan hadn’t hinted at it, as far as Kim remembered.

The four left after agreeing on meeting in the safehouse later that day after a restful sleep, trusting Arm and Macau to keep things on track. Deep down, Kim hoped that Chan would also keep his ears open for any valuable information. Once Kinn, Porsche, Pete, and Vegas closed the apartment door behind them, the room suddenly turned eerily quiet and almost spooky. Kim stood in the middle of the destruction he had caused and let all of his tension leave his body.

The white voice on his shoulder tried to nudge him to keep working. To find Chay as quickly as possible so that this whole situation could be cleared up. But the gray voice countered in fury. It was Chay’s fault that we’re in this mess! Had he come forward and talked to Kim, this mess wouldn’t exist to begin with! The constant arguing on his shoulders made Kim’s brain shut down and with a deep exhale, he sunk down on Chay’s bed. The mattress hadn’t been used in at least a day, but the smell of his boyfriend had penetrated the entire room ages ago. And no matter how angry he was and how much he wanted to yell at Chay, Kim associated the cheap mattress and the smell with warmth and home. With tears forming little creeks on his cheeks, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

July 4^th

At six p.m. later that day, the five assembled at the safehouse after a refreshing sleep. And it seemed like sleeping had helped get back to the ground and restore the motivation. At least for most of them. Because while Porsche pulled out a piece of paper where he had taken notes on what needed to be done in what order, while Kinn was fire-texting Arm and Macau to get updates on what had happened while they were asleep, while Vegas and Pete were actively participating in the discussion, Kim was feeling just as, if not more, miserable than before falling asleep. Staying in Chay’s room had made him realize how much he had lost. It had seemed like all their little memories had been mocking him. The late-night cuddles because Chay had missed Kim, the assembling his cheap wardrobe, giving Kim the key to the apartment… it was all gone. And he didn’t know how to deal with that.

Kim was sitting in one of the chairs and observed his teammates who kept exchanging ideas, until he couldn’t take it anymore. “And so if we hurry up and skip step three of our plan, we might be able to get our mission done before Chay can se-” “Why should we do that,” Kim interrupted and knew that he would get reprimed for not letting Kinn’s boyfriend finish his elaborate plan.

The older Kittisawasd looked up from his notes, clearly confused. “What do you mean? Of course we have to –“ “No, we don’t,” Kim argued and crossed his arms. “The whole point of our plan was to make our world safer for Chay, wasn’t it?” He didn’t let them respond and continued: “Well, he’s gone now. So it’s completely useless to keep going. It will only cause unnecessary problems.” “Kim, wha-” “You keep talking about how to bring father down faster than planned, so that when we get Chay back, the problem will have already been dealt with. Well, newsflash guys; Chay is gone. And he isn’t coming back.”

“You don’t know that,” Kinn tried to be empathic, but his brother flashed him a glare. “Oh yeah? Then you’re wrong. Because I do know. This isn’t like last time. Last time, Chay had felt neglected and unloved. This time, he left in spite of knowing that we loved him. And we didn’t neglect him. This time, he left out of anger and hatred and won’t come back.” He ended in a pressed whisper though his teeth, and Porsche jumped up to yell: “Don’t you fucking speak of him this way, Kim! He will come back!” Kim jumped up as well. “Oh yeah?! Well I don’t fucking think so! So why bother?! You haven’t been part of this fucking family for very long, so let me explain something to you: We are not powerful. Not to the scale of being able to control the entire fucking press! One or two networks maybe. Maybe we can bribe our way out of the police, but not out of the public knowledge. No money on earth can do that. Chay will get all of us arrested, and even if we manage to find him before he does that, he still hates us! He won’t come back!”

Silence filled the air and Kim paced around, working himself up again because nobody seemed to agree with him. “But okay, let’s go through this scenario. Imagine we find Chay before he gets all of us killed, and even if he miraculously comes back, there’s still the problem of father. Do you really believe that he’s going to let all of this go untreated? He wanted Chay to go. He wants us to follow him. Because when we are gone, for however long it takes us, he can get his power back!”

“And that’s why we have to do it the other way around!” Porsche shouted. “You’re right. If we leave for London right now, your father will get more powerful and pull some stunts to get us killed or replaced or whatever! But if we take care of Korn first, then we have time to find Chay and bring him back when it is all done.” Chay’s brother looked desperate. “Please, Kim. I know you hate him right now and maybe you have some right to do so, I am mad as well. But please. I need him here. He’s my brother. And I love him. And so do you!” He looked like he was ready to kneel in front of Kim to plead for his approval. “We need everybody to pull on the same string. So please don’t give up now.”

Kim clenched his teeth so hard that he was worried they’d break off. His spite and petty mind wanted to turn away and never look back. But the white voice on his shoulder had enough and made Kim nod his head, much to everybody’s relief.

With one final look to make sure that they were all on board, Porsche continued. “As I was saying, we should take care of Korn before we get Chay. That doesn’t mean that we should leave him unattended and wait for him to send the next email.” Vegas, with his arms crossed in front of his frame that was leaning against the door, frowned. “He said in the last mail that he will give the Home Secretary some time to act. We don’t know how long he gives us before he leaks all information.” Kinn nodded. “Arm and Macau said they have managed to track down the other addresses that Chay had sent the last emails to. Two police precincts as well as the news agency hadn’t even read the message yet, and we managed to buy the others.” A collective relieved groan filled the air. Finally some good news.

“Is there any pattern that Chay used to decide on which police precincts gets them?” Pete asked. “No, it was totally random. One in Changmai, one here in Bangkok, and the others were all in the south. Arm and Macau couldn’t find a system behind them, so we must assume that he chooses them at random.” “Okay, then we need to devide the tasks for now. Somebody has to start looking for Chay as soon as Arm and Macau have found where he is. This might still take a while, I assume?”

“Yeah, they were too busy tracking the people down that the emails were sent to that they didn’t have time to extract the correct IP address.” “Okay then,” Pete said and counted down. “One: we have the cameras at Heathrow airport. We can, like Porsche suggested, check his path this way, although I doubt that we will get through the masses that he hid in. Two: we need to keep the Home Secretary calm, because if he abandons our deal, we are to say it mildly, fucked.” Pete was right. They had made a pact with the politician to hand over Korn and all of his associates that were too dangerous to be kept free, in return for their freedom. If the Home Secretary found them not helpful anymore, he could, just like Chay, hand over their text messages to the police or the news and get rid of the five of them with as much as a blink. Kim hated how they were dependent on the man, although they were the ones who were helping him.

“Third: we need to gather all information that we already have as quickly as possible and get the inmates from the safehouse to the police.” The safehouse was not only a place for them to meet, but they also ‘stored’ the criminals there that they would give to the judicative. Some people had to be killed during their missions, like the Myanmar drivers behind the restaurant, but others, like the one that had been in the hospital, had been taken to the safehouse for interrogations and waiting.

Luckily, their mission was already at the finish line. The five had been dealing with Korn’s underground system for over fifteen months, and Thaun Khin’s sex trafficking ring was one of the last institutions that were still running. Mostly because the last time the five had tried to get to Khleng, the criminal had bolted and they hadn’t been able to find him in time for the deal. It had been a tough week back then, and Kim had locked himself in his apartment to get piss-drunk. It had been the only way of dealing with the fact that they had just lost a few dozen kids to some sick bastard.

“Four: We need to keep track of your father. We don’t know for sure if he knows that we are close to completing the deal, but if he is aware that we are only weeks away, he will pull some sick stunt.” “Quick question,” Vegas interrupted, “wouldn’t it be easier to kill Korn right now and to deal with the mess later? I mean, we don’t have to send him to prison, right? The Home Secretary will be more than happy to have the gifts from the safe house in his hands. He won’t need your father for that. That wasn’t even part of the deal.” Kinn shook his head. “You’re right, the Home Secretary won’t necessarily need him. But we haven’t taken down all of my father’s associates, and we probably won’t be able to. We… will probably have to kill him at some point,” Kim saw how his brother had to swallow deeply, “but we should wait for a little longer.” The youngest nodded. They didn’t know how the underground world would react to the news of Korn being dead.

They kept talking for another hour or two, making plans and looking deeply into their alternatives. In the end, they had come up with a rough guideline of how the next few days should be taking place. It wouldn’t be easy. There were many more scenarios in which they would fail miserably when it came to bringing Korn down, but they agreed on trying anyway.

July 5^th

Kim stormed inside the tower, ignoring the guards that were confusedly wondering whether to bow to the young man or to deny him access. They looked like the weren’t sure of what to do, and Kim couldn’t blame them. “OUT OF MY WAY!” he yelled and stormed into the foyer. “I NEED SOMEONE TO TRACK CHAY DOWN! ANYBODY! WHAT’S GOING ON; HUH?! YOU! COME HERE AND GET ME FUCKING ACCESS TO HIS PHONE!” He didn’t really remember ever yelling at the guards like this. Kim was usually more annoyed than angry at the staff members and tended to ignore them. So the fact that he was yelling the entire mansion down had to stand for something.

“Khun… Khun Kim,” a man in a smart black suit bowed at a ninety-degree angle and asked him how they could be of any assistance. “Tell me where the fuck my boyfriend is and why he wasn’t at the airport where I was supposed to meet him two hours ago!” The man’s eyes turned wide and he skittered away, clearly panicking at the thought of having lost Chay. With his lakai gone, Kim stormed forward and into the elevator that took him to the meeting room’s floor. He knew that news about his outburst must have already travelled up here, and so he wasn’t surprised to see a group of guards running towards him.

“Khun Kim,” they bowed but were ignored. “Kinn!” he yelled at his brother who was sitting in front of his father at the big table, talking to a computer. “Kim! What’s going on?” he asked in wonder and Kim applauded his concerned face. “What are you doing here?” “I could ask you the same! You and Porsche were supposed to bring Chay to the airport two hours ago!” “I know, but I had a last-minute meeting about the Phuket deal and had to stay here.” He pointed at the laptop that showed the face of a man that Kim knew quite well. It was the supervisor of one of their cocaine stash warehouses in Phuket. “Then how come that neither your nor my boyfriend turned up at the airport?!” Kinn’s eyes widened, and Kim saw their father’s concerned face. But Kim was excellent when it came to reading people.  Both of their shocked faces were fake.

“What do you mean they wer-” “KINN!” came the shout from the door and in stormed Porsche, whose suit and hair was disheveled, his eyes red. “Why aren’t you answering your phone?!” he yelled and Kinn held his hands up in a calming manner. “I was in a meeting. What is going on?” “I wanted to pick Chay up to bring him to the airport. But he wasn’t in his apartment!” “What?!” came the unison shout from the brothers. “His suitcase was gone and…” Porsche sniffled, “and I found a note. He’s gone!”  

Kinn sat down at the table, and Kim made sure that his older brother was carefully studying their father’s face before taking the piece of paper from Porsche’s hand, and read out loud: “I can’t do this anymore, I don’t belong here. Don’t look for me, I’m done with you.” He clenched the paper in his hand and ripped it apart. “Fuck!”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Porsche interrupted, “so you got off the plane from Tokyo and went to the gate and didn’t see hi-” “I wasn’t in Tokyo!” Kim yelled back. “I came back a week ago because you fucked up the Chainat deal and Oak refused to keep talking business with your incompetent ass and yo-“ “He was the one who fucked the negotiations up!” “GUYS! STOP!” Kinn yelled and slammed his hands onto the meeting room table. “This is completely irrelevant! We need to find out where Chay is!”

“Excuse me,” came the rushed voice from the door that Porsche had stormed through a minute ago. The person who entered the room was Arm, who looked like he was spooked when he saw that he was interrupting many of his bosses in a fight. “Khun Korn, Khun Kinn, Khun Kim, Khun Porsche,” he bowed at a fire-quick pace four times, “I found out that he’s in London. He landed two days ago and took a train towards the north. I lost him there and don’t have access to the CCTV footage abroad. It appears that he didn’t take his phone with him, the GPS indicates that it’s still in his apartment.” With a final deep bow, he stopped his monologue.

“Why did he leave?!” Porsche cried in agony, and Kinn rushed over to console him. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him. Kim! You check his apartment for any irregularities, Porsche and I will get everything else ready. Arm! Someone has to get the jet ready, we’re leaving in four hours!” With that being said, the group ushered out of the meeting room and fled into different directions, leaving nobody but Korn and Chan behind, the latter of which having been bumped into by the distressed Porsche on his way out.

“What happened?” Kim asked and shrugged his leather jacket off while powerwalking over to the couch in the safehouse, where Pete and Vegas were sitting. Porsche and Kinn were expected to join them any minute now, after having gathered some essentials in their bags. The drive from the tower to the safehouse took half an hour on a normal day, but Kim had rushed so much that he had made it in twenty-two minutes. “Not much, he looked quite confused when Kinn stormed out of the room, but he then continued with the Phuket deal.”

Kim nodded curtly and leaned over the couch to look at the computer. The little camera that Porsche had attached to the lapel of Chan’s suit showed a fraction of the meeting room, but the image was clear and the sound travelled quite well. It sounded like Korn was wrapping up the meeting and apologized for the earlier disruptions. “No problem, we’ll be in touch,” the man from Phuket said and Korn stood up after closing the laptop shut. Kim could see that there were only the two men left in the meeting room, because his father’s posture slumped ever-so-slightly, something that he never did when anybody but Chan, sometimes his sons, were around.

The line went quite for a while and Chan said nothing, ever the silent observer and dutiful assistant. While there was no sound to be heard, the front door opened and Kinn and Porsche rushed in, the latter of which complained about having had to squeeze some onion juice into his eyes earlier in order to convincingly cry. “By the way, I’ll have you know that Oak really likes me and that the deal went perfectly well,” he snarled at Chay’s boyfriend who rolled his eyes. Then, they saw that Korn stood up from his chair and went towards the back door that didn’t lead towards the elevators, but to one of the smaller corridors. suddenly, Chan’s hand reached upward towards the lapel of his suit to disconnect the camera. The motion was so fluid that it felt like the man had known all along that it had been there. But before the line got cut off, they heard Korn say two final things: “Make sure they don’t find him. And once they’re gone, I have to go to Kanchanaburi.”

Chapter Text

July 5^th

Kim was back in Chay’s bedroom, holding the younger’s laptop in his hands. He was tempted to look through his search history in more detail. Maybe he’d be able to find information on Kanchanaburi and what Korn was doing there. After Chan had disconnected the line, the safehouse had started to fill with concentrated discussions on what that final sentence could mean. What was in Kanchanaburi? Why would Korn go there once the group was gone? Had he bought the story that Kim had come back for a business meeting, or did he know that Kim had been involved in the alleyway shootings?

Deciding that they would just have to wait to find out, Pete had proposed that they all keep the charades up and continue acting the part for the time being. Kim looked at the time. Twelve-forty-two. Kinn had said in the meeting room that they’d take the jet in four hours. Now, an hour of that time had already passed, and they didn’t have much time until Korn would assume they’d be gone. Hopefully, everything would work in their favor, Kim thought and prayed that nothing would come in their way.

The laptop that he had just started turned dark due to his lack of action. Kim had been sitting in front of the device for over five minutes, contemplating what to do and how much Chay knew. None of the five had any idea of what was in Kanchanaburi. It was a province rather close to Bangkok, but none of their business’ major branches were there. As far as Kim knew, not even drug smugglers used this part of Thailand. So what did Korn want there? Maybe Chay had known, he thought. He had found the files and had been able to connect the Home Secretary with the family. Fuck, he had even oh so conveniently appeared behind the restaurant and witnessed the shooting! Maybe it hadn’t all happened by chance. Maybe Chay had truly investigated on the family! What a slick little fucker, Kim thought and curled his lips in disgust. He had used Kim! Had waited for him to leave for Japan to get his plan into action! Maybe he had overheard or spied on Korn – with his little angel face, nobody would suspect him of being anything but innocent – and had found out that Korn had a secret in Kanchanaburi!

That had let Kim here, back to Chay’s small and destroyed apartment, to find out if he knew anything about Korn’s plans. Bust just before he was about to touch the keyboard to start the laptop once more, he felt someone close-by. Almost a déjà vu from when Chan had snuck into the apartment. But this time, Kim was much more alert and prepared, and so before the person could even open the bedroom door, he had jumped up and pulled out his gun. The movement was fluid and instinctual since he had repeated it for hours upon hours when he had been learning how to shoot someone.

Anybody who worked or lived with the Theerapanyakuls knew to never enter a room unannounced if they didn’t want to get shot in the head. Even Chay had learned it pretty quickly, when he once wanted to surprise Kim, who had been sitting on the couch, completely at peace.

Kim’s fingers were constantly moving between strumming the guitar or writing in his notepad that was laying on his free knee. He had been having a creative streak for the past couple of hours and had grabbed both objects once he knew he wouldn’t be able to get anything else done before he had written it all down. Usually, Kim only needed these two things to compose a song, but this time, inspiration had struck, and he had thought of a pretty dissonant harmony to one of his unfinished pieces. It would add a whole new layer to the song and change its complete atmosphere. So this time, he had also grabbed his headphones to play the existing song while he composed the second layer. And this was probably why he hadn’t heard Chay coming in.

Kim was sitting with his legs open to accommodate for both the instrument and the paper. His headphones were only covering his right ear, so that the left one could take in the new melody. Suddenly, Kim felt somebody touch his left shoulder, and he jumped. The guitar flew aside, thankfully landing on the plush sofa, and the notebook made a rustling sound when it glided through the air. Kim whipped around, and in this split second, a few thoughts were running through his head. He didn’t have time to grab his gun. First of all, it wasn’t even in the vicinity – him having thought he’d be safe in his own living room – and second of all, the intruder was already way too close, close enough to touch Kim. His second option, the knife, was too hard to reach mid-turning-through-the-air-and-whipping-around. So his only option was to counterattack. He shifted his weight mid-jump to lunge forward and grab the stranger by the neck.

They both landed behind the couch on the wooden floor, with Kim on top of Chay and holding his windpipe shut. “Aaah,” came the strained, hoarse exhale and it took Kim a second to notice that he was strangling his own boyfriend, whose classes had finished earlier than expected and who had wanted to surprise the singer.

Nobody ever entered a room in which a Theerapanyakul stood without making themselves known first. So in Kim’s head, the intruder in Chay’s bedroom had to be a stranger who didn’t know about Kim’s sensitive and trigger-friendly temper. But when the door opened with a creaking sound, Kim saw a very familiar face and forced himself to lower the gun, no matter how much his instincts disagreed with him.

His father stood in the room, looking first at Kim, then at the gun, before shifting his gaze towards the destroyed room and sighing. “So he’s really gone, I assume?” Kim nodded wordlessly, and tried to discreetly look around for the yellowed letter where the love story of the two bishops was written on. He’d have to hide it before his father saw it! Once he found out that Kim had read the paper, Korn would know about the acting and bluffing. But Kim couldn’t see the paper in the mess, and neither did his father, who sat down on the twin mattress with a sigh.

“Did his disease come back?” Kim’s heart stopped for a second before he realized that his father was only trying to shift the blame here. But still, the thought of Chay’s sickle cell disease having come back hadn’t crossed his mind even once this whole time. If that had happened, it would be a very good reason for the younger to leave, given that he had done so out of the same reason before. But his rationality told Kim otherwise.

“No, the transplant worked and cured him indefinitely. There has to be a different reason.” Korn nodded and hummed. “You know, not all people are made for this kind of life. You don’t know it any other way, but maybe Porchay has realized that he doesn’t want it anymore.” “It seems so,” Kim said, trying to mask his emotions. “One time, your mother also left me,” his father said, and Kim’s eyes widened. “It was when she was pregnant with Tankhun. She had second thoughts about setting a child into this kind of environment and ran away one night.” Kim swallowed and tried to fruitlessly read his father’s expressions. “She hadn’t even told me about the pregnancy; only packed a bag and left. By the time I found her, her stomach was big and round, and she had been going through the struggle of the pregnancy on her own.”

He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out his handkerchief and showed it to his son. Embroidered on it was the Theerapanyakul family crest, and Kim knew what he would find on the other side. He had seen this handkerchief many times, mostly when his father had played chess with him and had explained the rules. The older smoothened the fabric and caressed the embroidered figurine.

“I think that’s why the queen is the most powerful piece of chess. Your mother truly was one. She moved freely and was so strong. She wanted to fight for her unborn child, even if that meant going against her husband. And just like the figure of the king, I was very slow and only reached her after months of searching for her. She fought me with hand and feet, didn’t want to come back to live this type of life. And as much as it pained me, she was right in many points. I managed to make her give me one last chance.”

“But you still lost her,” Kim argued. “In the end, she died anyway.” “That’s true,” Korn said and pocketed the handkerchief. “That’s the only problem of the queen. She is the most powerful piece, and also the most popular one. Even a person who has never played chess knows that the queen has got the most dominant role. That makes her vulnerable to enemies, because once the opponent’s queen is out of the way, the game is much easier.” Korn smiled ruefully.

“I think that in a way, Chay is your queen. And let me tell you something from my personal experience. The most powerful and important person can hurt you the most. When your mother left me, I felt like my world was crashing down. Just like you felt the first time that Porchay left you. And now you have two options.” He leaned forward and looked his son in the eye. “The king can finish the game even without his queen. That’s option number one. Let Porchay go and live your life. Or option two; you fight for him and get him back. You have to see what matters more.” That ultimatum weighed more than Kim wanted to admit. What was more important? Finishing the plan or getting Chay back?

Kim stood there in front of his sitting father, feeling like a little child that was getting a lesson in life. “What would you advise me to do?” he asked, partly because he was interested in his answer and partly because he needed it. Beside the whole plan of bringing his father’s empire to its knees, Kim felt hopeless. Should he let Chay go after everything? His father smiled and got up. “Fighting to get your mother back was the best thing I could have done. It got me into a lot of trouble with her. We fought for the remaining months of her pregnancy, and she was so upset that I didn’t let her go. But after a while, it all got better.” Kim remembered his and Chay’s time in Norway, when the younger’s reluctance of letting Kim back in his life had shifted towards love and acceptance.

“In the end, I didn’t only get her back, but also my three sons,” he said and walked towards the door. “If I were you, I wouldn’t give up on Chay. No matter the reason why he left, you should look for him.” He looked at the destroyed room and said: “Him being gone doesn’t seem to be good for you, either.” Kim hated having to admit that his father was right.

Kim was waiting for the rest of the group at the airport, near the private lounge from where the jet would start. His emotions had been all over the place on the entire ride to the airport. Korn really knew how to sell a story. Kim could for the life of him not tell how much of it all had been true. Had his mother really run away from the tower back when she had been pregnant? Either his father was a very convincing liar, or his story had been truthful. Kim had to remind himself that his father was only trying to get the group away from Bangkok to regain his power, or at least to do whatever he needed in Kanchanaburi. The singer had told his father that he would join Kinn and Porsche there, and Korn had told him that they should take more people for the search team. “Take Vegas and Pete with you, the more people look, the quicker you will find him.”

He wanted to tell the rest of the group about the conversation but had decided to wait until they were in the air. While waiting for the four, he pulled out his phone to text Tankhun, making sure that everything was going according to the plan. Thankfully, it didn’t take long for the group of men to walk towards Kim. “Hi, ready?” Porsche asked Kim who nodded and looked around. Kinn, Porsche, Vegas and Pete had arrived in two cars, driven by a number of bodyguards who were all nervously standing around them to board the plane with them. They had expected this, but thankfully, there was another person with them. Kim looked behind the group and looked at Chan, who didn’t let his professionalism slip.

“I think we are well-equipped to take this mission on our own,” he said, and the oldest answered: “I’m sure your father won’t like this.” “He needs to take care of the entire business on his own while we’re gone. He’s going to be an easy target and needs all the protection he can get.” Everybody except for the two looked at Chan and Kim either confused, impressed, or worried. Kim didn’t spare them a glance and focused on Chan who answered: “Of course, if you wish so, Khun Kim.” He then ordered the guards to go back to the cars and wait there for his next instructions. Then, Chan gestured towards the door of the plane and guided the group towards it.

Kinn walked up first, followed by Pete, Porsche, and Vegas. Kim was walking in front of Chan, who stopped just before the steps and held his hand out to the younger. In it laid the tiny camera that Porsche had attached a few hours earlier. “Please tell Khun Porsche that he should freshen up his undercover skills.” Kim couldn’t suppress the chuckle and grabbed it before looking back at the bodyguard. “Thank you,” he said with an expressionless face. Chan bowed slightly. “Oh, Chan? You could do something else for me.” The older answered before Kim could even voice his concern. “I think this plane has got a little technical malfunction. Unfortunately, it is at the moment impossible to check the GPS of the jet.” Korn wouldn’t know if they actually flew to London. As much as Kim considered himself a people-reader, he didn’t know what side Chan was truly on. First, he gave them all this valuable information, only to be so discreet that Kim was never really sure what they all meant. After all, they still hadn’t found out where exactly in London Chay was. Next, the older guard had accepter being bugged by Porsche, only to rip the camera off before they could hear it all. And now, Chan was back on their side, telling Kim that Korn would be thinking they’re in London?!

Kim knew that by now, they had been standing at the bottom of the plane long enough to worry the other four. The way that Chan glanced past Kim let him know that at least one of the guys was poking their head out in curiosity. “Take care of my father while we’re gone, okay?” This time, the answer that Chan gave didn’t have a double meaning, and Kim knew that it wasn’t a lie. “I will give my life to safe his.”

Chapter Text

July 5^th

They were high above the ground leaving Bangkok behind, but none of them paid attention to the beautiful clouds that could be seen from above. When Kim had entered the plane, he had blocked every attempt of conversation with the four, not ready to talk about Chan’s involvement in the story. Instead, he had pulled out his laptop and started working on the final few files that were sent to the Home Secretary.

The others did the same, using what little precious time they had. Not ten minutes after taking off, Pete got a call from Arm that he put on speaker phone. “Hi Arm, what do you have?” “Macau and I are having trouble breaking through the firewall that Chay used to protect his location. It doesn’t make any sense, we tried everything. But he kept changing the location for every email that he sent.” Pete looked around and saw that none of them really knew what he meant.

“Okay Arm, use words for stupid people.” “He is in London, right? That means that I should be able to track him down somewhere in England. But the three emails haven’t been sent from London. He must have used Macau’s vpn to set his location to somewhere else.” “Aha,” Pete murmured confused, and Porsche asked: “And where does it say did he sent the messages from?” “The first one from Paris, second Lisbon, third one Dublin. I’m sorry, but whatever firewall he uses is pretty strong, it will probably take a while for me to get through it.” “Or we check the security cameras at the airport to follow his real footsteps instead of his digital one.” Kinn spoke up and asked Arm to send over the code with which one could access the security footage at Heathrow airport, because both Arm and Macau had a lot of other things to do.

Kinn then sent the footage over to Pete’s, Porsche’s and Kim’s laptops, and for the rest of the very short flight, the three were busy following Chay through the airport while Kinn and Vegas continued cataloguing the remainder of Korn’s contacts that would be handed over to the Home Secretary in a few days.

Just as they were about to land, a mere twenty minutes later, they all received a message from Tankhun stating that his father had – as expected – left the tower. Perfect. Everything was going according to the plan. Stepping out of the private jet that had landed on a remote area, Kim took in the sight of Kanchanaburi, where in less than two hours, Korn Theerapanyakul would arrive at for an unknown business.

“Okay guys, huddle up,” Kinn said and gathered them all in a loose circle. “This is the beginning of the end here, and we cannot fail.” His look screamed that he was talking business and wouldn’t accept anything other than a perfect execution. “We’ll spread out around the city and wait for the GPS signal to come closer. Remember; father thinks that we are on our way to London. So if he does as much as sense that we’re here, it’s all over, got it?” Normally, Kim wouldn’t take any form of being bossed around, but he swallowed his pride and nodded. This was the moment that they had all been waiting for since they had left Norway over fifteen months ago. This was the final chapter. If they found out what business Korn had in Kanchanaburi, they’d have all the necessary information needed to finish him.

Kanchanaburi was a large province with few inhabitants. Most of the area was covered in beautiful rain forests and waterfalls, and the small towns could hardly be called that. The Theerapanyakuls had no business in the large province, because it was mostly a nature reservoir and tourist attractions. Kim had to aadmit that it was the perfect place for his father to hide a secret. Nobody ever thought about Kanchanaburi in a threatening way. Kinn’s, Vegas’, Kim’s and the other’s eyes had always been drawn to the bigger cities and busier provinces, like Changmai and Phuket. He couldn’t even remember ever being in Kanchanaburi, other than driving through it to get to Myanmar.

Kim was sitting in a little park by a bridge, his phone next to him with the sound turned on so that he could always see where his father was at the moment. The group had spread out through the province. He was slowly getting closer and it wasn’t yet easy to tell where the car was going. It had already passed Porsche’s spot near the border of the province, and Chay’s brother texted in the group chat that the east was clear and he was making his way over towards the center.

Kim, the furthest in the west of the province, wouldn’t be reached for another twenty minutes or so, and he spent his time going through the security footage of Heathrow airport. He had lost Chay a few times in the masses of the travelling people, and he had seemed to have mingled with a group of Asian foreigners who were taking up a lot of space. The fact that this work was so tedious didn’t help to make Kim feel any better about Chay’s decision to run away and do what Korn had told him to. If it were up to him, Kim would let Chay fuck off. He had betrayed him in one of the worst ways possible, and Kim didn’t take that betrayal lightly. But then he remembered Porsche’s desperate face as he begged Kim to help him find his brother, and the singer swallowed the bitter feeling and got back to work.

He was currently watching footage of Chay exiting a shuttle bus that had taken him from terminal four – his arrival – over to terminal two on the other side of the airport. Why did he do that, Kim asked himself. There was a perfectly-fine exit at terminal four which would have taken him towards the train station just fine! He really didn’t understand his boyfriend anymore. Boyfriend. That word tasted like acid in Kim’s mouth. Once upon a time, a mere week ago, it had meant everything to him. How long ago had it started meaning nothing to Chay?

Kim’s hands punched the keyboard rather aggressively whenever the lean body of the young man walked past the cameras. He had rrived at the main hall of terminal two by now, and Kim watched through a camera how Chay separated from the tourists to withdraw some money at an atm. It looked like Korn hadn’t just paid for the plane ticket, but also the credit card and the new shiny phone that Chay pulled out of his pocket and – threw away?!

Kim leaned closer and rewinded the footage. Yes. That was definitely a phone. One that Kim had never seen before. Chay’s motion was so fluid and quick that Kim had to slow down the speed shutter of the video. He was standing in front of the atm, his black hood covering his head that had been tilted down all this time as if he didn’t want to be found. He had never done as much as glance in the direction of the CCTV as he had made his way over here from the plane. His right hand punched a few numbers into the machine and retracted his money. While the bills were being pulled out, his left hand reached into his pocket to retrieve the phone. The camera showed most of his back and a bit of his left side, but when Chay turned around, Kim could very clearly see that the left hand dropped the phone into the trashcan that stood beside the atm.

What the – Kim absentmindedly noticed that the group chat was being filled with messages, but he ignored them and switched cameras to follow Chay, who was making his way through the big hall. Kim sometimes momentarily lost him whenever he blended into the masses that were wearing black or brown clothes, but in the end, Kim found him. Chay stopped in his tracks at the end of a medium-long queue. The youngest Theerapanyakul couldn’t see what the people were queuing for, so he switched cameras again to see further into the hall. His heart stopped and his mouth fell open when he read the big cheerful letters of the little booth. Last minute ticket shop. Chay hadn’t stayed in London like Korn had planned. He had left the country again. On July 3^rd at half past seven p.m., Kim’s ex-boyfriend had purchased another ticket.

This was the reason why Chay ducked away from all the cameras! He wasn’t hiding form Kim and his brother! Because Korn would have been able to distract the worried men, and would have made sure they never reached him. Kim remembered what his father had said to Chan in the meeting room. “Make sure they don’t find him. And once they’re gone, I have to go to Kanchanaburi.” Had Kim and the others not connected the dots this early, Korn would have most likely succeeded with his plan.

Chay wasn’t keeping his head down and covering his tracks because of Kim. He was doing it because of Korn! He wanted to make sure that Kim’s father wouldn’t find him and stop him from publishing the scans! Kim shut his laptop close and looked into the distance. It felt like time stopped while he had his epiphany. Korn thought that Chay was in London. As did Chan, probably, according to the hint he had given Kim in Chay’s apartment.

He looked closely at the screen, trying to zoom in as much as possible to see whas Chay was saying to the worker. But not only was the quality of the camera rubbish, it also appeared as if Chay wasn’t saying anything! He pulled out a piece of paper, wrote something on it and the person behind the counter smiled and typed away at the computer.

Kim quickly shut his laptop shut and grabbed his phone to text the group – and especially Arm – about his discovery. Chay hadn’t really needed Macau’s vpn, at least not for changing his location. He had really been in Paris, Lisbon, and Dublin! Just when he wanted to write his message, he saw that there was already a conversation in the making.

Porsche (16:42)

East is clear, omw to Kinn’s spot.

Kinn (16:42)

Did you see the car or not?

Porsche (16:42)

Don’t worry, he didn’t see me, I was hidden. I didn’t see anything special, but it’s only one car. Seems to be just your father and his driver. It was very quick though. They’re making their way towards town.

Kinn (16:54)

Passed my location as well. He turned north, so Vegas, meet us there.

Vegas (16:54)

Porsche with you?

Kinn (16:54)

Yeah, but we’re at least a mile behind so that our cover isn’t blown. Pete, be on alert!

Pete (16:55)

Got it.

Kim was contemplating where his father could possibly be headed. Porsche had been covering the east, from which Korn must inevitably enter the area, since he was coming from Bangkok. Kinn had stopped downtown, in the hope of his father having his business in the midst of the small city, and Vegas had covered the south. With Korn now heading towards the north, which was Pete’s territory, Vegas would join his boyfriend and cousin.

Kim (16:56)

Should I get going as well?

Kinn (16:56)

Not yet, he could still make a turn towards the west. Stay put for now; we’ll let you know if he stops.

Kim couldn’t handle waiting and got up to pace the area near the bridge where he had been sitting. He kept thinking about Chay’s double betrayal, not only Kim, but also Korn. Next, the singer thought about his father’s plan and business in the province. The north of Kanchanaburi was, just like the rest of it, unspectacular, at least for business.

Pete (17:02)

GPS says that he’s stopping.

Porsche (17:03)

You got your eyes on him?

Pete (17:03)

No, he stopped about a mile away from where I am. I’m making my way over

Kinn (17:03)

Kim, come as well.

The five of them were huddled near the little opening in the midst of the wide forest that covered most of the province. Kim hadn’t hesitated and had, just like the rest of them, quickly gotten ahold of some cars to meet up near the country road, where the sleek car of Korn Theerapanyakul was parked at the side. They had quickly moved along and had pulled over a few hundred meters away, before making their way through the forest on foot. Pete was walking in front of them, navigating their way with the help of his phone, which showed the GPS of the tracker that Tankhun had attached on his father before the latter could leave.

They walked quietly and quickly, hoping to reach wherever Korn was heading in short time. It didn’t take them long to see what the mafia kingpin was interested in: in the middle of the forest stood a container, roughly twenty feet long with a heavy steel door that was closed shut. Kim knew what this was. The family had a bunch of these containers set across the country as remote bases for their operations that had to be carried out in secret. The insides were usually well-equipped with computers, back-up files and weapons that could only be accessed with a specific code that differed for each container. But none of the five had known that there was a container in Kanchanaburi.

What worried them even more was the fact that from the other side of the forest where they were standing, walked two men that were definitely neither Korn nor Chan, who were already inside. But Kim knew one of the men very well. Thaun Khin. Leader of the Myanmar sex trafficking ring that the five had been destroying for the past few weeks. So that was the reason why they had chosen Kanchanaburi! The province bordered Myanmar and was easier to access than Bangkok if one wanted to be invisible to the police. The man was walking towards the container with a bodyguard that looked like he was even taller and wider than Chan. The giant of a man looked around the area for a second before knocking on the container, which opened to reveal Korn’s driver and, behind him, Chan. The door didn’t open any wider for them to see inside, but they knew that Kim’s and Kinn’s father was in there as well.

They could hear some muffled sounds and ten men – Korn’s driver, Chan and Thaun Khin’s guard being among them – walked outside, leaving the others alone for their conversation. Beside Chan and their father’s driver, Kim and Kinn didn’t recognize any of the people outside. They were all dressed in suits, letting assume that they were all bodyguards or drivers. If one counted two employees per person, that would mean that beside Korn and Thaun Khin, there were five people left in the container. Presumably Korn’s associates. This was a very secret meeting to which not even the respective bodyguards were invited to!

The five men that were hiding in the bushes held their breath and didn’t move an inch, trying to become invisible.  If the employees weren’t guarding the container, they would have snuck closer to find out what was going on inside the small room. Now, their whole plan had been ambushed! They would never get close enough to find out what was happening inside and what things Korn and Thaun Khin were discussing. Kim looked at his teammates and saw the same emotions he was feeling: confusion, worry, disgust, anger, fear.

They were crouching in the thick jungle for over an hour. Whatever was going on inside the container seemed to be of utmost importance. Kim had never envied the guards more than right now. Because at least, they were able to stand! His knees were starting to ache in his deep squat, but none of the five dared to completely sit down on the forest floor. It would hinder the quick escape if needed.

Thankfully, just when Kim’s body was ready to groan out loud, the container door opened. Instantly, the guards went back inside, and after a few minutes of shuffling, they escorted their employers back outside. Kim’s intuition had been right; there were five men that definitely weren’t bodyguards or drivers. Among the, Korn looked the most ‘normal’ in his standard suit and tie combination. The others, all of which beside Thaun Khin they didn’t know, wore extravagant outfits à la Tankhun. It screamed old money and mafia through and through.

With a few final bows in the round, the group disintegrated, and the trios of guard, driver and boss made their way back into the forest, spreading out into the jungle. For a split second, Kim’s heart stopped as he felt eyes on himself but shook the feeling off. The five were thankfully in a blind spot and no group walked towards them, with Korn, Chan and the driver coming closest but still not seeing them.

They waited for a few minutes to make sure that the area was truly clear before they made their way out into the opening. Wordlessly, they communicated what they were all feeling. Pete and Porsche were disappointed that they hadn’t been able to overhear the conversation, Vegas was deeply in thought and Kinn was asking them for advice because he didn’t seem to know what to do.

Kim was the first to walk towards the container, but was careful not to try and open it. He was sure that if one entered the wrong code, his father would be notified at an instant. “Fuck, what now?” asked Porsche and rubbed his aching knees. “I knew one of them,” Vegas said with a frown and Kinn asked who he had meant. “One of the men that walked out. I think my father used to do business with him. I don’t remember his name, but he came over at least once a year to meet with my father. I always assumed that it had been a hidden thing to take over the main family, but it looks like your father knows him too.” “Do you know what he talked about with your father?” “No, not really. I only remember that he smuggled roofies for us.”

Roofies? Kinn’s eyes widened and mirrored his brother. The family dealt many drugs. From coce over heroin to meth and opium. But roofies? These were not common in the business. Kim actually remembered there being a series of roofie-induced sex crimes in Bangkok a few years ago, and none of the Theerapanyakuls had known where the drugs had come from. Korn had ordered Kinn to investigate and get rid of the problem, but Kim’s brother hadn’t been able to get a good lead for a few weeks. After that, the issue had seemed to have solved itself.

“Well, we’re back at square one,” Kinn said. “I think we should just go on as normal and hand over what we have to the Home Secretary.” “But this seems to be big! If we ruin the empire now, whatever shady business your father has with these guys will continue!” Porsche was probably right. Even if the Theerapanyakul branch didn’t exist anymore, there would still be plenty of crime and illegal business. “This is our only chance to get them! If we’re out of the business, we’re going to lose the opportunity of getting rid of them all!”

They all became silent for a while and contemplated what to do. Kim groaned and ruffled his hair, looking down at the ground in desperation. And that’s when he saw it. Down on the ground in the middle of the opening, just beside the door to the container, laid a little object. It was black and not bigger than his thumb, laying innocently in the grass. Kim crouched down and picked it up, gathering the attention of the other four.

“What the fuck?” Pete whispered in awe and confusion. “Who put this here?!” “This can’t be a coincidence!” Porsche murmured back and Kinn looked at his brother before saying: “You know who did this, right?” Kim glanced up in Kinn’s eyes and nodded before pocketing the little object. Chan had known they would come here. He had anticipated their arrival and had known that they would need to find out what was going on in the container. So he had once again helped them. “We should get going,” Kim said and walked back towards the road where their cars were hidden. They would have to get to a computer as soon as possible to listen to the audio that the little recorder had taped when Chan had placed it inside the container before the meeting had started.

Chapter Text

July 6^th

The plane landed on the asphalt and Kim was the first to descend the stairs back onto the ground. He was followed by the other four who matched his speed. Time was of the essence, and they couldn’t afford to fall behind. Kinn was babbling into his burner phone, and next to him, his boyfriend did the same. Pete and Vegas were holding hands while they split from the group and went to a different car than the three remaining men.

Due to the unfortunate circumstances, it was the pilot who had to drive them away from the airport. Vegas and Pete would probably steal one of the many cars in the parking lot, and Kim wasn’t concerned that they’d run into any problems. He checked the GPS that Arm had sent them. Korn was about an hour away from Bangkok. Add the evening traffic downtown, it would be a miracle if the mafia kingpin arrived in less than two hours. Thankfully, the airport was on the more fortunate side of the city, and so Kim and his companions had no problem making their way over.

“Stop over here,” Kim suddenly said and the driver pulled over to the side. “He looked over to Kim, who held his gun in the pilot’s face. “I’m sure you’re a smart man. So if you value your life, you’ll go back to the airport and take that plane for a little ride in the air, got it?” The man swallowed, having never been threatened, especially not by his employers. He was a mere pilot! Not a guard!

“And when anybody asks , we’re in London. Did I make myself clear?” “Yes, Khun Kim.” The youngest then mentioned for the duo to leave the car with him. They didn’t stay to see the vehicle turn around and go back the same way it came. Instead, the group made their way into one of the small streets next to which the car had dropped them off. Kim and his brothers had used this little path quite often when they were young and in their rebellious little phase. And for their plan to work, they didn’t want to risk one of the staff members to see them.

Kim led the group though the street and could hear Kinn explaining everything to his boyfriend who was stunned at finding out about the secret entrance that only a handful of people knew about. Korn being one of them, as well as Chan, who had found out about it by seeing Tankhun sneek out once to get some ice cream when he was little.

“Why didn’t I know about this?!” Porsche asked in astonishment when Kim stopped by an inconspicuous looking door that literally nobody ever walked past. Kinn shrugged helplessly and maybe a little embarrassed. “I guess I forgot to tell you? I mean, nowadays only two bodyguards know about this route. It’s… well… we never really know who to trust one hundred percent, right? And this route is the final escape for the family.” Porsche seemed to understand why Kinn couldn’t tell him about the secret when he used to work for the older. And with the stress of the past two years, it was no surprise that the topic hadn’t come up yet.

The three of them walked into the dark corridor that immediately went underground with some sketchy-looking stairs. Kim had always been the one to use this path most and went without hesitation. “So which guards know about this then?” “Well, Chan of course, because he’s the main guard and needs to be able to pull father out of any danger. And Arm.” “Arm?!” Porsche squeaked in shock and was hushed by Kim. “Quiet. We’re literally underneath the tower right now!”

“Sorry,” Porsche whispered back. “But why Arm?” “He’s the tech guy. There’re no cameras down here, but the inside door can be locked from the armory.” “My, my! Arm has got more secrets than I thought!”

They made their way through the corridor without a problem, and Porsche was shocked to see that behind the heavy lockable door that Kim opened was an elevator shaft. “Is that -” “Yes, but since the elevators are made of glass, we shouldn’t use them.” Kinn simply answered and ignored the elevator call button. Instead, they walked around the square place and started ascending the long staircase that was behind the elevator stop.

They were still heaving for air five minutes after they finally made it into Korn’s office through the hidden staircase. Thankfully, Arm had made sure that no member of staff would be in their way and the bespectacled guard had checked every camera in the tower that the three had to pass. Kim looked at his phone. “The GPS is getting closer, it looks like father will be here in about thirty minutes.” Kinn clenched his jaw so hard that his younger brother was scared he’d crack his teeth. But the heir restrained himself and said: “Okay, let’s do this.” With that, he and Porsche wished Kim good luck and left the room.

Kim should probably have kept an eye on the GPS and on Arm’s and Pete’s constant messages, but he simply couldn’t get into the mindset of patiently waiting around. So instead, he did what he was best at: snoop around in his father’s office. Most of the things he saw, he had already discovered months if not years ago, like the black files that Chay had scanned. Chay. As soon as that name entered Kim’s brain, he shook his head and cursed under his breath. Fucking Chay.

He desperately wanted to chew his nails out of nervosity. Because their entire plan hinged on two very important premises that, if it didn’t fully catch on, could ruin the whole operation. One of which was definitely not controllable, and the other was the one that Kim tried to solve at the last minute. And Kim hated to not have a plan B, which led to him carefully look through his father’s stuff once again in hopes of finding other bribing methods. He found none. Which was why when he heard his father’s and Chan’s footsteps coming close to the office, Kim had to accept the fact that things might not go according to the plan. He hid behind one of the hideous couches and hoped that the first premise would be fulfilled for their plan to work.

“Thank you, Chan,” he heard his father’s voice. “Khun Korn,” came the polite answer, “if you don’t mind, I’d request a short notice leave of absence for the rest of the day. I believe that the new guards need proper training which now that your sons are away, can happen with their full focus on the task.” “That sounds like a good idea,” Korn answered, and Kim heard him walk towards the desk on the other side of the room.

“I will call for a different guard to be at your service while I am in training.” “Don’t bother, Chan. I’m just going to go over the meeting.” Yeah. The meeting in Kanchanaburi to which Chan hadn’t even had access. Of course Korn wouldn’t want a guard in his room while he called his associates and made deals that were so illegal that they had to be carried out in the middle of nowhere.

“If you wish so, Khun Korn.” With that, Kim heard the office door close and his heart relaxed. The first premise was taken care of. Chan wouldn’t be in the room for the next few hours. Maybe it had been a lucky coincidence that the oldest and most loyal servant of the family would choose this exact moment to leave his protegee unguarded. Or maybe Chan was doing this as a favor to Kim and the other four. Just like the little hints and audio recording he had provided them with. Chan had always been a step ahead of them and probably also knew – at least to some extend – what was going to happen soon.

Kim didn’t want to admit how worried he had been that Chan would stay in the office with Korn. “I will give my life to safe his,” he had told Kim, and the younger had no doubt that he meant every word. Him not being present solved a lot of the problems, because Kim really didn’t want to kill Chan if he stood in his way.

Kim waited for quite some time. At first to make sure that Chan was really gone for good and was back downstairs. Then, he waited some more, trying to listen to his father, who he couldn’t see from his position behind the couch. He desperately wanted to find out what Korn was doing. It didn’t seem like he had noticed his youngest son in the room, because Kim could hear the squiggling sound of the ink pen and the rustling of paper. Finally, after at least seven minutes of that, Kim stood up and cleared his throat.

By the look on Korn Theerapanyakul’s face, the mafia kingpin had simultaneously expected this, and was still surprised. Surprised because there had been a person inside his office all along, not surprised that it was one of his sons. But still – “I would have thought Kinn had stayed behind,” Korn said with a deep sigh and put the pen down. “Why?” Kim asked in a neutral tone and walked around the couch to sit down on it, trying to show no emotions at all.

“Because you love Porchay and Kinn loves the business.” Kim didn’t feel like correcting him on the first statement and decided to let it slide. “You didn’t come back from Japan three days early to fix the deal that Porsche had messed up, right?” Again, Kim decided not to speak and keep the other talking. “Why aren’t you after Porchay, Kim? The more people look for him, the quicker you can find him.” Still going for the emotional manipulation, huh?

Kim then pulled his phone out and showed it to his father. Even from the distance, the older understood what he was looking at. “Why bother travelling through all of England when you seem to know better than anyone where he is?” Kim asked and flipped the phone shut again, closing the screenshot of the security footage in front of Chay’s apartment building on June 31^st at two-forty-four in the afternoon.

Kim couldn’t read his father’s emotions and continued: “You were the one who sent him away, didn’t you?” Korn sighed before slowly nodding.

“You had to see how he really is, Kimhan. He never supported you and our family. I wanted to show you how bad he is for you. You tried so hard to become better for him, and I totally understand you! I also rebelled against my father when the time came to take responsibility for the family business! And of course I wish for you to have a reliable partner. But it can’t be one that doesn’t have your back. So when I offered Porchay an out, he immediately took it and didn’t question it. He didn’t even hesitate and just left! I hoped that you would see how different you are.”

Kim was fuming. If he didn’t have so much proof, he would probably believe his father. Korn just voiced what Kim had been thinking all this time. But the next sentence out of his father’s mouth made him focus again.

“So now that you know about Porchay’s true character, you should forget about him and come back home.” “No.” He got up and walked towards the door. “No, I won’t. And neither will the others. Because even though you might be to some extend be right about Chay, I am not simply doing this for him. I’m doing it for myself. Because I don’t want to live this shitty life anymore. So you better do as we say.” With that, he opened the door and let Kinn and Porsche, who had been standing behind it, enter. The couple held the three boxes of files and Korn’s eyes widened. Kinn stepped closer and dropped a large folder with contracts and cooperate documents on the large wooden desk, right on top of his father’s notes about the meeting in Kanchanaburi.

“You will step down from all legal positions you have. Including the board position of the Theerapanyakul enterprise and the function of the chairman. You will make a public announcement that you are of bad health and will appoint all of your jobs to Kinn. A similar thing will happen with the illegal business. You will tell us the name of every single business partner that isn’t listed in these files, and you will tell us how to find them.” Korn’s face relaxed into a neutral expression and he leaned back in his chair.

“I really thought you’d rethink this. You know that you have no power over me, right? I could do what you tell me to do. But how do you now that what information I give you is real, and which one is fake?” Of course the group had thought of this. They needed Korn to give them the real information, or else the most dangerous underground societies would remain.

Kim leaned closer to the table and looked his father deep in the eyes. Cue the second premise of the plan. “Because we have something – or should I rather say, somebody – that you wouldn’t want to be harmed.” Kim had never seen his father swim in confusion. Who could Kim be talking about?! There wasn’t anybody who – “You really think she wouldn’t run away once more?” Kim continued in a sharp whisper. “In a way, they are both pretty similar, don’t you think? She’d run away before, just like Chay. The little queen of the game of chess, you called her. And just like me, you chased her down last time and got her back. And it was all perfect for a while, right?” Kim saw his father’s face pale and his hand itching towards the little handkerchief with the Theerapanyakul crest and the embroidered queen on it.

“She’s dead,” Korn spat, and Kim raised his eyebrow. “Are you sure about that? Think about it. She wanted to be gone from you last time, too. Left everything behind to raise her first child on her own with no help. You really think she would be above faking her own death to escape you?” Korn stood up abruptly and his breath sped up. “You’re lying!” “Really?” Kim said and tilted his head to the side. He wouldn’t have thought he’d be as good at emotional manipulation as his father. “But can you prove it? Exactly, you can’t. So you better tell us the truth and hand over all legal businesses to Kinn. And you will tell us the names and contact details of every single business partner. And trust me, we know if you’re lying. We know about your friends, like Thaun Khin, Boa Sunthanrom, Kani Winkhunkat, Boon-Nahm Tsaikulbu; to name a few.” These names had burned into Kim’s memory as soon as he had heard his father greet them in Kanchanaburi.

“Of course, you will also give us every single detail about the deals you have with them, even the latest one. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.” In his head, Kim thanked Chan for the audio recording in the container. The group had listened to it during the flight back to Bangkok, and had found out little bits and pieces of Korn’s and his friends’ plan of reclaiming the Theerapanyakul power from his sons who were staging a coup against him.

Kim looked beside him and saw Kinn’s and Porsche’s stony faces that were staring at Korn, who seemed to have deflated a little bit. It was clear that he hadn’t anticipated that. “I don’t understand why you’re going so fast with all of this. You seemed to have been planning this for a long time, why are you rushing and going into the final round of your little rebellion with guns that aren’t even reloaded after your last lost battle?” Kim knew that he was referring to the shooting behind the alleyway that hadn’t really gone according to the plan. “You have all the time in the world. Especially now with Porchay gone and you,” he looked at Kim, “allegedly having no feelings for him. Why are you rushing through things instead of carefully planning everything?”

Kim clenched his jaw and tightened his fists beside his body. “Because we, just like you, didn’t consider one factor. The fact that Chay hates you even more than we do. And if you still thing that you can get out of this, no you can’t. You can call all of your bodyguards up here and shoot us on sight, but you will never get out of stepping down one way or another.”

Kim’s father looked like he was going to explode. “You might think that you’re so mighty with your little plan and rebellion against me, Kimhan. But I am so much more powerful than you. I could kill you right now and it would have no consequences for me. I am friends with dozens of lawyers and high-end politicians that you don’t even know about. I could wipe your existence off this planet without anybody even noticing. Not even your WIK fans would wonder where you are. And Porchay wouldn’t care enough to even check if you’re still alive. He hates you, remember!”

Kim didn’t let his anger at this reality get the best of him, and instead countered. “Maybe you’re right. He wouldn’t come to check if I’m still alive. But even if you got rid of Kinn, Porsche, and the rest of us, you wouldn’t be able to get rid of Chay.” “Ha!” His father laughed like it was a funny joke. “Please! It will take me one phone call and I have him assassinated in his little England exile!”

Gotcha! Kim thought and with a smirk said: “Yeah, you could probably do that. If Chay was in London.” Korn’s face fell. “If he hadn’t seen through your little scheme.” Korn’s eyes widened. “If he didn’t hate us enough to overthrow our entire family and publish all of your filthy little secrets to international press. So unless you want your face on every single broadcast for the next few months, or get publicly executed, you better start telling us everything we want to know.”

Chapter Text

July 12^th

“Chay, are you okay?!” came Elenore’s concerned voice when she heard him hiss in pain for the third time that morning. “Yeah,” came the mumbled reply and he shook his hand. “Let me do it,” Elenore said and tried to move past Chay, but the younger told her in a quiet voice that he was fine and would just need to be shown once again.

“And look, this one goes over there.” Chay was listening intensely to Elenore’s instructions and got ready to take over for her after she trusted him not to get hurt a forth time in under thirty minutes. They were out on the field where the wheat grew into beautiful crops, and had to set up the watering system, because the summer this year was very dry. However, Chay’s mind was too busy to really focus on the task at hand, and so he squeezed his fingers in the metal bars that they were connecting.

“What’s going on with you today?” Elenore asked and tried to get the truth out of him without being too pushy or judgemental. But she couldn’t help but worry about Chay, who had been behaving oddly all morning. He took a deep breath and started talking, swallowing the bile that occasionally rose in his throat in protest. “I have to go to the city today, because I need some travel documents.” “Oh! Of course, Marc can take you when he picks up Jacob later. Were you worried of telling me that?” Chay bit his lips and shrugged his shoulders. Worried? No, not really. Guilty? Absolutely.

Ever since Chay had woken up this morning, he hadn’t stopped thinking about his to-do list. July 12^th. The date that he had set himself had arrived. He would take the USB flash drive to the city of Toronto, where he would sent all remaining files to the public before disappearing. Chay had thought it all through. He would go to a very public place, so that he would blend into the masses anybody tried to trace his mails down. Toronto was a metropole with millions of people living in and travelling to. Unlike Voss in Norway, which had been rather small and manageable to overview.

“And where are you planning on going next?” Even if Chay knew, he wouldn’t tell Elenore. Mainly for her and her family’s protection. But it was clear that soon after Chay published the files, he would be on somebody’s list. Either the government, or some hitmen were going to look for him. Thankfully, Elenore interpreted his distractedness for travel fever and insecurity. “Well, you basically got two big options,” she said and tightened a screw that Chay had prepared for her. “Either you go north and travel to the bigger parts of the East, like Quebec, Montreal, and Ottawa, or you go West.” She didn’t look up from her task and switched to a smaller wrench.

“What… what would you suggest?” he asked and the woman hummed in thought. “Well, both parts are beautiful. It really depends on what your plans are. If you are more spontaneous and want to be around people more, I’d suggest the east. The west is more rugged in nature and less practical in terms of travel, but beautiful.” She got up from her squatting position and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Whatever you choose, it’ll be amazing.” Chay wasn’t really sure about that.

Marc pulled the car over for Chay to jump out. “We’ll meet you at the McDicks in an hour?” The man reconfirmed before continuing his drive to the train station where he would pick Jacob up from his school trip. Chay waved a hand in agreement and turned around to see where exactly he was. Since he had told Elenore that he needed to get some travel documents sorted, her husband had dropped him off in the business district of the city, which luckily wasn’t far from the tourist center. Chay needed a location like the airport: filled with people and public computers, as little CCTV as possible, and a stable internet connection to sent gigabytes of data across the globe.

It took him fifteen minutes to find the perfect spot. It was the middle of summer, so the streets of Toronto were filled with people, and amongst the masses Chay found an old-school internet café. Granted, the people inside were all gamers that should really make use of the sunlight and warm weather, but the fact that Chay wasn’t the only person inside the room worked in his favor.

He paid with some of his remaining cash and got access to a computer for the next thirty minutes. Sitting down, Chay opened the zipper of his little bag and pulled the flash drive out. He would never admit that his hands were shaking. But before he plugged the device in, his brain told him to slow down for a second and do something else first.

He knew that it was likely that somebody was tracing his anonymous emails back. Because of that, Chay should really not open the already-existing account, in order to avoid the IP address being leaked. He really didn’t know a lot about computers, but Macau rambled a lot during exam season. Because of this, Chay had already created a different email address on a different website, which he had wanted to open. But something held him back. It angered him that he couldn’t see if the Home Secretary had replied to his emails. Or maybe the police precincts or the one news agency that he had messaged. But he had a different option.

In a new incognito tab, Chay typed in a few keywords and pressed enter while biting his lips. He didn’t really know what he was expecting. Maybe nothing. Maybe some generic or unrelated results. But when the site loaded, Chay’s jaw dropped and his body froze.

Your search: Thailand mafia news

306.000.000 results (0,51 seconds)

• Home Secretary press conference broadcasting at eight p.m. on July 13^th
• police confiscate four tons of cocaine in Chiangmai province
• Thai-Myanmar sex trafficking ring busted last night – thirty children saved
• underground crime under the microscope – what we know so far
• corrupt mayor under arrest – deals with the local mafia come to light
• Phuket Province Prison: insider leeks show that one in four guards were corrupted
• Home Secretary announces biggest razzia of the millennium is not over yet: “We are currently working on many more issues than are visible on the surface”

The list went on and on. Chay scrolled through the headlines and read the same things over and over again. Within the past week, dozens of illegal businesses had been infiltrated and dissolved by the police. What the fuck?! Chay thought, especially when he saw one headline that talked about files that he specifically hadn’t sent to the Home Secretary yet! He had made sure to first sent the very important ones with crimes that included homicide and human trafficking, because he had figured that the authorities should focus on those first before dealing with smaller crimes such as drug smuggling and corruption.

But the fact that the police knew about the smaller crimes, the ones that Chay was holding in his flash drive that lay in his limp hand, could only mean one thing: they had really captured the Theerapanyakul family and found out through them. Maybe Porsche had yielded and talked because he wasn’t used to the tough life of a mafiosi yet. Maybe it had been Tankhun’s panic that had led him to betray his brothers and father. Chay deliberately pushed the image of a crying Tankhun in a small prison cell back into his head and blinked.

He then saw the clock on the bottom of the screen. Seven minutes had already passed, and he had only paid for thirty. So he quickly got to work and typed in the next search request.

Your search: Theerapanyakul

120 057 039 results (1,45 seconds)

• Japan hotel park: Theerapanyakul family expands their brand
• Statement: Anakinn Theerapanyakul: “My father is doing much better”
• Theerapanyakul patriarch steps down due to health concerns
• Cars, entertainment and more: What makes the Theerapanyakul business strategy so effective? Interview with CEO
• new head of Theerapanyakul empire: “We’re going to take it slow and focus on my father’s health.” All meetings for the next two months postponed

Chay slumped in the gaming chair and swallowed. Well… that was it, right? Especially the last headline that had popped up on his feed took Chay’s attention. All meetings for the next two months postponed. It looked like his emails had been getting enough attention. Korn was dealing with ‘health concerns’ and the company was put on hold with ‘All meetings for the next two months postponed’. It was… done. There wouldn’t even be the need to publish the remaining files, because they had already been dealt with! Kinn was trying to pull some PR-stunts to keep the press off their backs for now, while the entire family was being frisked by the police.

Rationally, Chay knew that not all of his demands had been met yet. There has not been a public trial and as far as he could tell, the connection between the Theerapanyakuls and the crimes were not public knowledge yet. But with how fast the Home Secretary had reacted to Chay’s mails, it was only a matter of time until the rest of his ultimatum was satisfied.

Without further thought, Chay shut the computer down and got up on shaking legs. He finally got justice for the little girl in the alleyway that had died in his arms. Her killers – be it direct or indirect – were going to be behind bars. A part of his brain, and probably the grey voice on his shoulder, wanted Chay to publish the remaining scans anyway to push the progress forward. But he didn’t. Mainly because… he would still be able to do that later, right? For now, he had to get back to the car and find out what to do next. Because one thing was for sure: he couldn’t stay with the Sanders longer than necessary.

“Chaaaay!!!” yelled Jacob when he saw the Thai man round the corner and join him and Marc on the parking lot of the fast-food restaurant. Chay’s head was filled with thoughts, so he didn’t feel like speaking and instead only hugged the boy before stealing a fry from his hand with a wink. On the inside, he felt weird, but was very happy for the distraction that came in the shape of Marc’s son.

“And then we went to the history museum and my teacher said that I behaved really well! I was the only one who knew all the answers that the lady asked us!” “That’s great buddy,” he mumbled non-committedly and declined the offer of another fry. The entire car ride was spent with Jacob’s bubbly chatter and the soft music through the radio. But Chay kept looking out the window while twirling the flash drive in his hand.

He hadn’t thought that this would happen. In his head, he had kept imagining that he would turn up in the internet café and check the Thai news, finding nothing out of the ordinary. Then, he would have felt enraged by the lack of responsibility of the Home Secretary and the fear he had for the Theerapanyakuls. This would have let to Chay angrily setting up an email account and sending the remaining files as well as the Home Secretary’s cowardness to any news agency he could think of. Thai or international. He would have left the café in fury and revengefulness, and would have felt great about his achievements before slowly getting his stuff together and leaving the Sanders.

When Chay thought about it, his plan and reality kind of had the same results. In fact, reality had saved him the step of contacting the press. The Home Secretary and the police had done what Chay would have never thought was possible. The Theerapanyakuls were gone. Maybe not completely, but they were definitely under the police’s radar, and with the Home Secretary’s fear of Chay, the young man was sure that it wouldn’t take long until the men and women of the tower would be behind bars. When Chay felt the tiniest bit of regret pooling in his gut, he shut it down and locked his jaw. He did the right thing.

When they pulled onto the farm ground, Chay immediately got out of the car and walked towards the barn. He grabbed the bucket and walked over to Dixie, an old, rescued goat that needed to be washed and groomed after having lain in the mud all morning. Chay kept brushing and hosing her down with an expressionless face. In the corner of his eye, he could see the black cat Ngao judging him from her seat on the fence. Chay ignored her and kept working.

He fed the geese and chicken before checking on Elenore and the watering system. She was crouching while working, and her little daughter Lilly was walking around her, picking up some wildflowers at the edge of the crop field. “Hi, how’d go in the city?” she asked and Chay pressed his lips together before answering: “Good, and here?” Chay sat down next to Lilly and nodded when she excitedly showed him her arrangement. Elenore seemed to understand that he didn’t really want to talk about it, but she guessed that it was because Chay didn’t know where to go next when in reality, all that Chay could think about was how he singlehandedly changed the entire underground society of his home country.

“Good, I found the problem, see?” She picked up a little pipe that was crooked at a spot, barely noticeable, but the light didn’t reflect as smoothly there. “Looks like someone stepped on it and caused the leak.” “Okay. Do you need help installing the new pipe?” Chay’s throat felt sore and he got goose bumps from speaking. Fuck, he hadn’t relapsed in his muteness in days! “No thank you, could you maybe take Idris for a walk and maybe check on the shed? The paint should be dry by now. And if you want to, you can take Lilly over to Marc? She’s been getting in the way quite a bit.”

Idris was a spotted horse that had suffered an ankle injury two weeks prior to Chay’s arrival at the farm. Since then, he had been locked in the barn in order to prevent him getting hurt on the pasture with the other animals. Usually, Chay loved the slow-paced walk on the even, empty country road. Walking towards the setting sun with a horse on a loose lead calmed the heart like little else could. And what was even better: Chay was sometimes accompanied by the grumpy cat Ngao who seemed to slowly admit that she liked him more than she would let on.

But today, the walk drained Chay. He couldn’t help but think about what would happen to the tower now that it was empty. It annoyed him that his soul betrayed himself and second-guessed his decisions weeks after he had made them. Chay hated the fact that he had to remind himself of the bad stuff the family had done, because his brain always provided him with domestic memories of movie nights, hugs, and laughter.

Chay was happy when he got back to the farm and wasn’t subjected to his own thoughts for a while. Working in the shed let him stop thinking because he needed to pay close attention. He checked on the paint and rearranged some logs that would be needed for the next and hopefully final step. Next, he emptied the room until there wasn’t more than necessary inside. Chay finished just before he was called inside for dinner, and once again, his thoughts were drowned out by the loud chatter around the table.

“I’m going to bring Jacob to bed, okay?” Elenore whispered two hours later, after the family and Chay had finished watching Ratatouille in the living room. Both Jacob and Lilly had laughed throughout the entire movie and were dead to the world, sleeping soundlessly. They all said goodnight to each other, but Chay knew that he would just be tossing and turning in his bed, so he snuck out after Marc and Elenore had closed their bedroom door. Thankfully, the couple had been tried as well, Elenore due to the work on the field and Marc from dealing with the hyper kids. Otherwise, Chay would have been asked by them if he wanted to spend some more time in the living room with them.

It was getting darker and darker outside, and a part of Chay wanted to go into the barn and sit next to Ngao to talk. But the other, bigger part of him wanted to forget it all. Sitting and talking usually tended to have the opposite result. So Chay went back to the shed, where he crouched down and started working on the little tool shelf that he was DIYing. Manual work really helped clear the head, and slowly but surely, Chay could feel the contrasting feeling fade away. At some point, he fished the flash drive out of his pocket and placed it on a box behind him. He didn’t want to deal with any of this right now!

Chay didn’t know how long he worked. All he knew was that two of the four shelves were complete and up at the wall by the time he turned around for the first time. His knees were aching, and he yearned for a glass of water, so he got up and walked into the barn to get some from the hose. The house was further away; not by much, but he didn’t want to risk waking anybody up. Instead, he used this opportunity to pet the little baby animals and give out some more hay where it was needed. A soft meowing sound made him smile. Ngao was sitting in the entrance of the barn with her tail wrapped neatly around her front legs. In the dark, she was but a shadow with gleaming eyes, and Chay found her so beautiful and majestic. He tilted his head and whispered: “Wanna come help me?” before walking outside once more and back to the shed. He was gleaming with pride when he saw the cat trotting beside him with no sound leaving her tiny mouth. Her eyes looked bored and annoyed, but Chay knew she was happy to see him.

His mistake was probably that he kept looking down at his companion the whole time. That he didn’t pay attention to his surroundings. But Ngao sure did. Chay noticed that she suddenly perched up and stopped in her tracks, like she was mesmerized by a mouse or bird. Furrowing his brows, Chay followed her line of sight, expecting to see another animal.

What he was not expecting, was to see his ex-boyfriend and mafia-singer-liar-killer Kimhan Theerapanyakul standing in front of the shed, holding the USB flash drive in his one hand. Chay’s heart stopped and before his brain could provide him with any possible explanation for the situation, Kim lunged forward, grabbed Chay by the fabric of his shirt, and whipped him around so that his back painfully made contact with the wood of the shed. Chay let out a strained “Uff” when all of his air left his lungs, but before he could register the pain in his back, his head whipped to the side from the harsh slap that Kim precisely set on his right cheek.

Chapter Text

July 12^th

Chay was still recovering from the impact and was trying to inhale the air that had just been knocked out of him. He didn’t have any time to think about what was happening and his body acted on reflex. And so his hands whipped up to protect his head from another hit and he tried to cower as much as possible while being held up against the shed by one of Kim’s hands.

But suddenly, the hand loosened its hold on Chay’s chest and the younger slid down the wall onto the ground. In the background, he could hear angry cat noises and furious war cries from the animal, as well as Kim’s muttered “Fuck!” Chay looked up and saw that his ex-boyfriend was trying to get away from the hissing and growling Ngao that had started slicing his legs with her claws. Kim moved quickly and with flaring moves, but Chay misinterpreted his gestures for reaching for a weapon to shoot the cat. The younger whipped forward and without thinking grabbed her who was defending his honor and safety.

Ngao struggled viciously and let out loud cries, but after Chay only tightened his hold on her, she relaxed a bit and started growling at Kim, who stood about six feet away from the crouching Chay in the dark. The younger had never actually held Ngao in his arms, only sometimes managed to brush her fur before she decided to move away from the affection. She was softer than he would have expected a barn cat to be, and the way that he scratched the side of her neck seemed to calm her down enough to stop wiggling in his hold.

Chay wanted to make comforting noises, maybe for the cat that everything was fine, or maybe for himself. But no sound left his lips and so Chay was left with his aching back against the side of the shed and trembling fingers that held the cat against his warm cheek from the slap. He looked forward to the man that he had last seen on a small phone screen while they were talking about his succeeded transplant. Who he had last touched before the older had gone to Japan for a ‘tour and recording meeting’. The man who Chay vowed to never see, touch, or miss again. The man whose posture screamed killer and fury while looking at Chay.

Kim heaved a few times before he whispered in a venomous tone: “Didn’t think I’d find you this time, did ya?” Chay’s fingers clenched in Ngao’s fur and her tail wagged angrily. “What? Have to hide behind a fucking cat, Chay? Fucking pathetic. Get up and finish what you started, huh?” He flared his arms as if he wanted to show how wide he could reach to both sides. “You wanted me arrested, right? And here I am! Alive and oh so fucking dangerous to you! Get up and fucking do something, then!” Of course, Chay didn’t get up. Instead, he curled around Ngao even further and his breath quickened.

“Oh?! Well that’s so hypocritical of you, isn’t it? All brave when you can fight me from across the world, sending emails and shit. But when I’m just in front of you,” Kim made three slow steps forward and became even bigger towering over Chay, “you pretend to be all helpless?” It looked like he wanted to get even closer to Chay, maybe even touch him or slap him again, but Ngao managed to get one front leg out of Chay’s grip and hissed while whipping the claws in a warning. Kim’s lips curled in disgust, and he remained out of reach from Chay.

“Come on, fight me. That’s what you wanted, right?” Kim presented the flash drive in his hand and looked at it. “You thought you were clever, didn’t you? And I hate how well your little plan worked. How you managed to ruin all of our lives out of self-pity and anger. But guess what, Chay?” If looks could kill, Chay would be six feet under, “you didn’t win. I’m still here. and if you want to tell me something, then you better tell it to my fucking face.” He slowly crouched down to be at Chay’s eye level, and if Kim wanted, he could have made a quick motion and slap Chay before Ngao could get out of his grasp. Chay didn’t think about moving. Not even protecting himself was on his mind right now. Instead, he had to use up every single neuron in his brain to keep breathing and not fall into a panic attack.

“No?” Kim spat quietly and tilted his head, “nothing you want to tell me? No explanation or fucking reaction? Come on, Chay, this is your chance. You have so many options right now! You can yell at me, beg for mercy, let your tiger loose, try to punch me and knock me out long enough for you to call the police, or even run away! Sooooo many options, and yet you choose to sit here like a fucking useless doll that didn’t try to get me killed a few days ago.”

Chay couldn’t pull away from looking into Kim’s eyes. His instincts told him to make himself small and harmless, but he was in a state of shock and partly mesmerized by the look of sheer mania in his ex-boyfriend’s eyes. “No? No running away? That’s probably a good idea. Because we both know that you don’t stand the slightest chance against me, right? I found you. Twice. And I’m faster than you. Stronger, too. So running really isn’t your best option right now. So what else could you do?”

Kim twirled the flash drive in his hand. “If you think about it, it is really all your fault that things have gotten this far,” he said. “You jumped to conclusions, didn’t even consider talking to me and instead pulled this magnificent stunt that could have gotten my entire family killed. And the worst part is that that was exactly your intention.” Chay wanted to weakly protest. Killed? No, that had never been his intention. Sure, he… liked to tell himself that their deaths would be collateral damage for the greater good of keeping Thailand safe, but he never wanted to see them dead. He wanted justice. And killing a teenage girl and operating in a sex trafficking ring was not what he considered legal and just.

Once again, no word left his mouth, and Kim continued his monologue, still looking between Chay and the flash drive. “You are probably wondering what I’m doing here, right?” Uuuuh, probably to kill him? Chay really couldn’t think of another possibility and decided to slowly pull his shoulders up towards his ears. Kim moved his jaw and clenched his teeth, through which he spoke in a manner that sounded like it almost physically hurt him. “I’m here to ask you a question. Just one, and then you can fuck off and go wherever you want. I’m not going to hunt you down; I’m not going to safe you from yourself or others anymore. Just riddle me this.”

Kim looked up and started him square in the eyes. “When did you decide to become a martyr and sell us out?” Chay furrowed his brows. What did Kim mean? He had found him here, in the middle of Canada! He must have seen through Chay’s plan and his connection to the files. Was it really a secret that Chay had witnessed the shooting behind the restaurant? “Was it just when my father gave you the plane ticket?” Ah, so Korn’s plan of keeping Chay’s trip to London a secret had failed. “Or was it earlier? When you found the files? When you found out that I wasn’t in Japan anymore? Or perhaps it was even earlier, huh? Had this been your plan all along? Since we left Norway?”

Chay’s eyes widened. What?! Kim thought that he had been planning this for over a year?! Thought that their entire relationship had been a lie?! But just when Chay thought about it, the grey voice on his shoulder reminded him of something. Even if Chay had lied about loving Kim, he wouldn’t have any right to be angry about using him. Because Kim had done the exact same thing two years ago when he had used Chay to investigate on Porsche! Not that Chay would ever do the same, his feelings for Kim had been completely real until the shooting in the alleyway, but Kim was putting himself into the role of the victim when he had committed the exact crime before!

It seemed like Chay’s thought process, or at least some of his emotions, were showing on his face. But it wasn’t the shock that Kim was thinking Chay had used him, it was the anger that Chay was feeling because Kim portrayed himself as completely innocent.

The singer looked at Chay’s face and saw the hint of anger and disgust, and the facial expressions alone seemed to be enough to answer his previous question. Chay had used him all this time. “Oh, that’s how it is,” he mumbled and switched from looking at Chay’s right eye to his left. “Say it to my face,” he then ordered with an expressionless face, but Chay stayed silent, the muteness having taken over his body once again. In the split of a second, Kim’s face contorted in fury, and he lunged forward, completely catching Chay and Ngao off guard. He once again threw Chay back against the wall of the shed, and this time, the younger hit the edge of a wooden log that scratched between his shoulder blades, and Chay was sure that he was bleeding underneath his shirt. Kim’s other hand, the one with the flash drive in it, was used to punch him in the face once more. But instead of a slap, this was a clear uppercut at Chay’s jaw, which sent his head flying backwards and against the wood once more.

The motion let to Chay loosening his grip on Ngao, whose back legs pressed against his chest and were used to catapult her in Kim’s direction, but before she could reach the singer, he was tackled to the side by another body slamming into him. Chay was groaning and with shaking head, tried to get himself up from the ground. He was seeing stars and instinctively, he reached to the back of his head where he felt sore bump forming. When he retreated it, his fingers were covered in warm liquid that shimmered in the faint moon light.

He slowly blinked and tried to locate Kim, not really having taken notice of the other person that moved him away from Chay. “Chay!” Came the concerned voice from his left, and he vaguely recognized it, but couldn’t assign it to any person because he was too dizzy. A warm hand was placed at his thigh when he tried to get up. His vision slowly cleared, and Chay could see two people having a stand-down a few feet away from him. Kim was further back and was blocked from reaching Chay by a taller, more muscular person that stood with his back to Chay and the person to his left.

Chay noticed various things at the same time. First was the fact that Kim’s nose was bleeding, probably due to being punched by the other man. Second was said man, who Chay would be able to single out in a room of millions. He knew that back better than anybody in the world. Standing between himself and his ex-boyfriend was Chay’s brother Porsche, whose knees were slightly bend and whose fists were turning white from the pressure he put on his muscles. Third was Ngao, who had gotten another jew jabs at Kim before seeing that Chay wasn’t alone at the entrance of the shed. The cat, whose fur was bristled and tail bushy, came running at full speed when she saw another person potentially harming Chay.

The young man quickly looked to his left and saw the person whose hand was still touching his thigh in concern. It was Kinn, and his eyes were roaming over Chay’s hurting body, specifically the back of his head and aching jaw. Sadly, Ngao didn’t seem to be rational enough to read Kinn’s body language a non-threatening, and sprinted to kill. At the last second, Chay managed to grab her and protect Kinn from being sliced open. He didn’t really know why he was doing this, since Kim had just hurt him multiple times. But his instincts told him that Porsche was protecting him, and therefor Kinn wasn’t out to cause Chay any harm.

Nonetheless, he used his legs to crawl away from Kinn’s touch as fast as possible and moved backwards with Ngao in his arms. His gaze kept switching from Kinn, who seemed to be sad but understanding at his reaction, to Kim and Porsche, who were now yelling at each other.

“-OU FUCKING HURT MY BROTHER!” “HE USED US!” “I DON’T CARE; HE’S STILL MY BROTHER, AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HURT HIM! I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR LEGS OUT IF Y-”

Kinn quickly jumped up and ran towards the others in quick strides. “Guys! Quiet!” He tired to point at the house that wasn’t far enough away to not be disturbed by the yelling, but Porsche was in a rage and moved forward to punch Kim, who didn’t back down. Chay used their distraction to scramble onto his feet and run towards the forest at full speed. The shed would have been closer, and he would have only had to walk two steps before being inside the little hut, but Chay’s brain told him to run away from the three men as far as possible, plus; the shed wasn’t finished yet and the lock was yet to be installed. His safety would have been of short duration. So the forest it was.

They usually didn’t really go there, especially not in the night. Because the Sanders’ farm was quite far away from the next town, the landscape around it was wild and belonged to the animals. Marc had informed Chay that there weren’t any bears or wolves around, but one could never be too careful. One day, Elenore had told him, Jacob had gone missing in the forest for over an hour, and since then, the wilderness was forbidden in the household. There was a wooden fence that bordered the property, and Chay was running directly at it, with Ngao still in his arms.

His heartbeat quickened and he was hearing the blood rushing through his head, and just as he was mounting the fence, he could hear Kinn and Porsche yelling “Chay!”, but he didn’t turn back. The forest began just behind the wooden barrier, and all remaining moon light was blocked out by the thick trees.

It was a mixed forest, not like the evergreen one he knew from Norway. This one had thicker undergrowth, with branches and bushes blocking his way. Chay stumbled numerous times and almost fell, but it didn’t stop him from running away from the shed and the people. He could hear the chanting of his name, but he was set on getting a distance between them.

Chapter Text

July 12^th

It didn’t take them long to find Chay. It might have been the trail of destruction that he had created on his way, or maybe Ngao’s constant growling. Perhaps it was Chay’s own frantic breathing and occasional hiccups. Either way, only ten minutes or so after he has crouched down between some bushes, Chay heard some fast footsteps coming his way. His eyes were blurry and he was trying to be as quiet as possible to focus on where Porsche and Kinn were going. But he couldn’t see anything in the dark and only hear his own whistled breaths.

“Chay?” came Porsche’s worried voice from somewhere in front of Chay, and the younger saw a silhouette creeping towards him. He froze for a second before seeing that his brother stopped in his tracks and didn’t move further. He crouched down as well, almost like Kim had done a while ago, but Porsche’s posture oozed calmness and not anger. At least not primarily.

“Hey, it’s me, it’s your hia.” Hia. That word rang a bell in Chay’s head. For the first time since the shooting, he associated the word with something other than hatred. It felt warm and comforting, but Chay didn’t give into his urges and jumped into Porsche’s arms. Killer. Girl dead. Guns. Illegal. Mafia. His head blocked out any words that weren’t negative.

Chay then saw another person to Porsche’s right and flinched. “That’s Kinn, he’s not coming any closer.” Porsche didn’t look away from Chay and didn’t even need to give his boyfriend a visual clue. Kinn followed his indirect order and stood back. “Chay?” Porsche tried to get his attention, “are you hurt? Kinn said you were bleeding?” Chay’s hand wanted to itch towards the back of his head but didn’t move. He only tightened his arms around Ngao, whose night vision helper her see Porsche and Kinn better in the dark.

“You need to come out of there so that we can take a look at your injury,” Porsche tried further, but without success. “Kim is gone.” The name made Chay’s muscles flinch and contract. “He’s not going to hurt you again, I promise.” Chay was so confused. What was his brother doing here?! Was he on his side? He thought back to what he had heard Porsche yell at Kim. “I DON’T CARE; HE’S STILL MY BROTHER, AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HURT HIM!” If Porsche was still angry at Chay – which he had every right to be – the older had pushed the thought into the back of his mind and his brotherly instincts had taken over.

The thought made Chay tear up and sniffle. Brotherly instinct. Porsche had defended him from Kim even though Chay had betrayed him just the same. How selfless was his brother?! Porsche heard the sniffle and disregarded any plan he might have had. On all fours, he crept forward and into the bushes where Chay was crouching. Ngao let out a warning hiss, but Porsche ignored her and with slow but precise and fluid movements, he got close enough to Chay to brush some hair out of his forehead.

“Hey there little runaway,” he whispered. “You keep causing a lot of trouble.” If anyone else had said this sentence, they would have used an accusing or angry undertone. But not Porsche. No, Chay’s older brother sounded like he used to back when Chay was in the middle of puberty, confused with the world and himself. Back then, the older had used this exact intonation: soft and collected, with a warm and sad smile on his face. Porsche looked pained and tired in the faint moonlight that fought its way through the trees. He had bags under his eyes and didn’t look half as aloof and carefree as he used to.

Chay’s body begged him to slump forward into Porsche’s arms, but he simply couldn’t. all he could see was the hand that retreated after having brushed his hair out of the way. The hand that had signed illegal deals, that had pulled the trigger of a gun, that had been clenched into a fist to punch men in unfair fights.

Porsche saw how conflicted and uncomfortable Chay was and moved backwards. “I’m not going to hurt you, Chay. Neither is Kinn.” Chay wasn’t too sure of that. Maybe of Porsche. Yes, Porsche would never hurt his own brother. But could the same be said about Kinn? Chay remembered just before he had fled to Norway. He had been terrified of Kinn, of his stoic face and powerful strut through the marble corridors. After a while, this fear had subsided and Chay had felt more at ease around his brother’s boyfriend.

But now, he had hurt Kinn; and even worse: Kinn’s little brother. If Kinn had even a fraction of the love for Kim that Porsche had for Chay, the older brother would want to physically harm anybody who dared hurt his sibling. Chay peeked around Porsche and tried to analyze Kinn’s posture, but the night was too dark and the older stood too far away.

Porsche followed his gaze. “I promise he’s not going to hurt you. We just want to talk.” Talk. Ask questions. The last person who had wanted to do that had just punched Chay and thrown him across the lawn into a shed. “Chay,” Porsche sighed. “You can’t keep doing this.” He looked pained. “You can’t just run away all the time. You’re not just hurting yourself, but all the people around you. And I know you pretend like you don’t care, but you hurt me, Chay. I didn’t deserve this.”

Porsche shook his head. “Maybe I deserve being punished for my illegal job. I am the first to admit that the life of a mafia is awful and wrong. And you are right about the importance of justice. But what I do not deserve is not knowing where you are, Chay. I’ve been looking after you my whole life. I started working for this family with the sole intention of making enough money to support you.” Chay remembered their argument in Norway, when he had accused Porsche of only working for Kinn because he had fallen in love with his employer and that he didn’t even care about Chay.

“I don’t deserve being cast aside by you like this. I know that you keep getting stuck in your head sometimes, but whenever that happens, you should take a second and remember what people go through for you.” Porsche sounded desperate instead of accusing and showed his arms in a hopeless gesture. “I’m not saying that what you did was wrong… you’re right. We are bad people. And I am sometimes disgusted by what I do for a living! I hate this situation just as much as you! The gold, the guards, the chandeliers, and the fucking Saturday Family Dinners with Korn!”

That name sparked Chay’s interest, but he kept looking down at the cat in his arms. “We know what happened. How you were at the restaurant and witnessed the shooting.” How did they? Chay asked himself and remembered the little sketch of the scene that he had left in his apartment.

“That’s what started all of this, am I right?” Chay looked away from Porsche and nodded, seeking comfort in Ngao’s fur, where he buried his fingers. Blood. So much blood. The croaking sound in the middle of the falling rain: “Find family, tell them, love them.” The smell of petrichor and gun powder. Yes, his entire life had changed that night, and as weird as it may sound, Chay didn’t feel much remorse for his reaction to the scene.

“I am so sorry you had to see this, if I could, I would turn back time and make sure you weren’t there.” Chay frowned. That wouldn’t have made it better! It would have just kept the lies going! Porsche seemed to sense what Chay was thinking and sighed before lowering his head. “You keep jumping to conclusions so fast.” Just like Kim had said half an hour ago. “And I know it’s hypocritical of me to say that you should have talked to me when we were lying to you, too.”

Damn right! How could Chay have gone to Porsche? Or anyone other than the police?! “Hi hia, by the way, I found some files in your office that state that our family is involved in sex trafficking! And weirdly enough, I happened to see a girl dying and saying the stage name of my boyfriend with her last breath! What a coincidence!” Chay wanted to roll his eyes. How come both Kim and Porsche complained about his lack of communication when they were the ones keeping things from him, too?!

“You really didn’t want to be found this time, right?” Chay stubbornly locked his jaw but still didn’t look up. “Fuck Chay, have we really messed up so badly that you wanted us killed?!” Again, Chay didn’t agree with the word killed, but didn’t say anything. His throat was too lumped to let out any sound. Porsche sensed his little outburst and took a deep breath to calm himself down.

“Do you really not have any faith left in me?” No, hia, you were responsible for her death. You and Kinn and Kim and Korn a- “What changed your opinion on me so much, Chay? It couldn’t have always been like this!” Similar to Kim, Porsche seemed to ask himself of the time at which Chay had decided to take revenge on the family. “I know I fucked up many times as a brother. And even more as a mafia heir. I’m not perfect by any means, but you should cut me some slack, Chay. I’m trying my best to do the right thing.”

The right thing?! Chay asked himself incredulously. How is killing a fourteen-year-old the right thing?! Once again, Porsche was able to read his younger brother’s mind just fine. His face relaxed and he gave a faint smile with eyes filled with emotions. “We didn’t want to kill the girl, Chay. You got it all wrong.” Naturally, Chay had two conflicting thoughts that jumped into his mind: first – was Porsche lying to get him to forgive him? Second – what could he possibly mean? Porsche was part in the sex trafficking ring just li-

“And if you hadn’t jumped to conclusions and taken the next plane out of the country, you would have stayed long enough to find out that she’s still alive.” Chay’s heart dropped. He completely forgot the two previous questions that he had. His head whipped up and he searched his brother’s eyes for any signs of insincerity… but found none. A split second after scanning Porsche’s face, Chay’s eyes blurred quicker than ever and his mouth opened to let out a hearty sob, which he tried to drown in Ngao’s fur. He burrowed his face in the black softness, helpless against the cumulation of emotions he was feeling.

Amongst them was pure relief and stupor, as well as disbelief and pain. She was alive. How was she alive? He had felt her heart stop, had seen her close her eyes! Chay sobbed and shivered when he relived the traumatizing memory in his head. How he had pressed onto the wound and had felt the warm, oozing blood mix with the rain. He begged to whatever deity was out there that Porsche wasn’t lying to him.

Ngao, who had not complained about Chay ever since Kim had showed up, gave a soft, pained meow when she was squeezed a little too tightly, and Chay came back to his senses. At least enough to lessen his hold on her and look at his brother in desperation for an explanation, while still trembling. Porsche had tears in his eyes as well, hurt from the way that Chay seemed to be affected by this news.

“She only survived because of you. If you hadn’t pressed onto the wound and had stopped the bleeding, she wouldn’t have survived,” he whispered. “The paramedics managed to reanimate her. It was a close call, but she woke up after three days in a coma.” Chay’s first thought went to the little family that he had seen in her room. The crying mother, the frail father, and the apathic little brother. They all had looked almost as lifeless as the girl’s body on the asphalt. But now, it wasn’t just her who had a second chance at life. The entire family would start over and view the world in a different light.

A new wave of tears crashed over the brothers. They were both completely overwhelmed, especially Porsche, who had never witnessed his brother having such a heartbreaking reaction to anything. They sat there in the bushes, crying their eyes out, only vaguely noticing Kinn coming closer and slinging a comforting arm around his boyfriend, stroking his back.

When it was clear that the older Kittisawasd wouldn’t keep talking, the oldest continued. “Chay, there’s a lot that we need to talk about. You got many things wrong, and we have to clear things up. But before that, we should get you out of here. Your bleeding may have stopped, but you can get some nasty infections out here.”

Always the pragmatic one, Kinn tried to stay in control of the situation. But what made him so successful was his ability of staying in the background whenever the situation needed it. This just now had been a situation between brothers, and the oldest had had no problem retreating from the conversation. But right now, he managed to step in and remind his boyfriend of the fact that Chay was in potential danger.

Porsche quickly sniffled and wiped the tears off his face before he moved to help Chay up. But unlike the brushing movement earlier, he now budged too quickly for Ngao’s liking, and the cat whipped a warning paw at him with a hiss. Porsche’s hand retreated and he pressed his lips into a tight but endeared smile. “Somebody’s protective of my little brother,” he spoke to her in a nearly mocking tone, but without much bite. “Kinn’s right Chay, we have to go back.”

Back to the house. Back to safety. But also: back to… Kim. Chay really didn’t want to think about him right now, and about what Porsche had said just now. They hadn’t wanted to kill the girl. That much was obvious. But nobody would want to damage the ‘goods’ they were selling, so that made sense. What didn’t make any sense was the way Porsche had said that Chay had ‘got it all wrong’. There was something going on that Chay didn’t understand just yet, but for now, he would have to trust Kinn and Porsche to find the way back to the Sanders farm.

Armed with a flashlight, the oldest went ahead, followed by his boyfriend. Chay and Ngao formed the last part of the line, because the youngest didn’t trust having someone in his back. The walked quietly, and only occasionally did the oldest mutter something about difficult branches or tricky bushes to maneuver through.

Before long, they reached the end of the forest and the wooden fence, where Kinn and Porsche waited to help Chay above it. But the youngest didn’t take their offered help and carefully stepped above the barrier with a gurring Ngao in his arms. It was a sound that she had never made before, and sounded as if she was trying to distract Chay from the fact that they were nearing the shed where he had been hurt before.

“Cute,” Kinn broke the silence and pointed at Ngao, who had changed her resting bitch face into an alert laser gaze across the field. Chay opted for a tight-lipped smile. “What’s her name?” Chay faltered a bit in his steps, thinking of what to do. By the time Porsche reached the two, him having been the last to climb the fence, Kinn had spent a significant amount of time looking at Chay’s face and examining his expression. The youngest felt as if he was naked in front of the scrutinizing man that eventually accepted his lack of an answer. Maybe Chay didn’t trust him enough to know the name of the cat.

With slow steps, the trio walked past the shed and the barn towards the main house, where Porsche whispered: “Can I have a look at your injury?” The little light at the entrance of the house was enough to show Chay’s haw and cheek, which he was sure were blooming red and would have turned dark in the morning. “I’ll kill that fucker,” Porsche whispered and Chay tightened his lips. Yeah, these punches had been uncalled for, but he really wanted to forget it ever happened. He wanted to erase his ex-boyfriend from his mind completely.

He let Porsche look around his side, but the older knew that he wouldn’t be allowed to touch the bump on the bac of Chay’s head. “It looks like it has stopped bleeding, but we should still put some antiseptic cream on it to prevent an infection. Do you ha-”

Porsche was about to walk past Chay and into the house, but the younger jumped into action and took a protective stance at the front door, effectively shutting his brother down. Porsche looked stunned and confused before he lifted his hands in a calming manner. “Chay, we need to go to your bathroom to check if you have a first aid kit.” Chay’s feet stood rooted on the top step of the porch, and he tried to make himself look as tall as possible. Ngao seemed to sense his tension and started to lowly growl at Porsche.

Kinn pulled Porsche down a step to signal Chay that they weren’t a threat, and said: “We can see if we have something in the car? Would that be better?” After contemplating for a second, Chay nodded and slowly stepped down the porch, but only once Kinn and Porsche had started moving themselves.

The car was parked between the crop field and the pasture for the cattle, only a few feet away from the house. Chay noticed that it was empty, and Kim was nowhere to be seen. His heart quickened and his head whipped around to look back at the house.

“Hey, hey, hey, calm down,” Porsche chanted, “he took a different car.” That was probably also why Kim had been there slightly earlier than their brothers. Porsche followed Chay’s gaze to the house. “Don’t worry, they’re safe.” The fact that he knew who Chay was thinking about scared the younger. He had poked a sleeping tiger, had tried to take on a powerful mafia family. And in return, he hadn’t just endangered himself, but also an innocent family. Elenore, Marc, Jacob, and Lilly were peacefully sleeping only a few feet away from some of the most dangerous men in the world, and Chay would do whatever he could to protect them. There was no way on earth that he would let anybody into that house. Only over his dead body would Kim, Kinn and Porsche get to even look at them. And luckily, the older men understood him, even if he didn’t use words.

Kinn took a look at the back of Chay’s head and used a cotton swab to dab some disinfectant onto the wound that had thankfully stopped bleeding a while ago. “It’s probably going to sting tomorrow, so you should get some good sleep to prevent a headache.” He held up a little box of pills and said with a half-smile, “I assume you aren’t going to accept any medicine from me?”

He was right. Chay wouldn’t trust any Theerapanyakul to give him anything, thank you very much. These pills could have who knows what inside of them! If he really needed some Advil, he’d get some from the medicine cabinet in the house. “Are you hurt anywhere else?” Porsche asked concerned. To be true, his back was killing him, especially the spot between his shoulder blades that Kim had rammed into the shed not once, but twice, but he didn’t say anything. He just wanted to get inside and lock the door as many times as possible.

“Okay,” his brother sighed and stood in front of him with an unreadable expression on his face. He looked more solemn than usual and yet glad. “I… I know you don’t want us here and this isn’t what you were hoping was going to happen, but I want to tell you that I love you Chay.” The youngest swallowed the lump in his throat and hoped his vulnerability wasn’t showing on his face. “You should go inside and sleep, we’re going to leave for the night.” The indirect statement was there. We’re going to be back. This won’t be the last time you see us. “Don’t worry, the family is safe. Kim won’t come back here, we’ll make sure of that.” Chay looked over at Kinn who nodded in affirmation. “Would you want us to stay around the area to make sure that nobody i-” before Porsche could finish his question, Chay was already shaking his head vigorously. He didn’t want them around, mainly because… well… he didn’t really know.

Porsche nodded in understanding and tired to mask his disappointment with an easy smile. “Even if something happened, you have a fierce little protector, don’t you.” The smirk that he sent in Ngao’s direction was met with an annoyed tail-flip from the cat, who deepened her position in Chay’s arms. The youngest only then noticed how long he had been carrying her around, and how little she had protested against being held.

“Okay,” he was pulled out of his thoughts by Kinn, “then we should all go to sleep soon. Have a good night, Chay.” He nodded slowly and unsurely, not knowing how to react. This was a very weird situation. He had just tried to get the others arrested, who, by the way, he had no idea how they had pulled out of that, and the couple, who was mad at him, had saved him from his angry ex-boyfriend. Still, Chay knew that both Kinn and Porsche were probably upset with him and had many things they wanted to talk to him about, but that would have to wait for another day.

For now, they waited until he had quietly opened the front door before they waved him goodbye and sat down in the sleek rented sports car, whose tires soundlessly moved across the cobble when it left the property.

Chay wasn’t planning on sleeping. He wanted to stay awake and look out the window where he had the perfect view on the driveway and the area before the front door. But the events of the day were catching up on him. In the early afternoon, he had been in an internet café in Toronto, ready to finish his plan, only to find out that the entire mafia business had already been taken care of. A few hours later, he had been punched and hit by his ex-boyfriend, then saved by their brothers, all of which were supposed to be rotting in a Thai prison, waiting for their trial. And after all of that, Chay found out that the little girl in the alleyway had survived the shooting. Thanks to him. Thanks to his first aid.

Chay walked into his bedroom and sat Ngao onto the carpet, but she didn't stay there and jumped onto the comforter. Rationally, he knew that she was a barn cat and belonged outside, but for some reason, he figured she wouldn’t be having a problem with spending the night with him in the bed. She didn’t fuss, didn’t even growl halfheartedly, and only quietly kneaded the pillow a few times before lying down on it. Chay, who had stood by the window to take a final look outside, turned around and saw her slowly blinking eyes look at him expectantly, and he walked over to the mattress, where he laid down next to the cat and stroke her small head.

With a croaking voice that wouldn’t have sounded so strained and pained a few hours ago, he whispered a small: “That you for protecting me”, before he closed his eyes, falling asleep to Ngao’s barely audible purring lullaby.

Chapter Text

July 13^th

When Chay woke up the next day, his entire body protested and he couldn’t suppress a strained groan. The night had been terrible. He couldn’t lay on his back without waking up due to the pain, but moving onto his stomach was a bad idea because of his jaw. And whenever he turned on his side, his right cheek that felt inflamed due to the first slap made him hiss.

Ngao had stayed throughout the entire night. Only when Chay decided to get out of bed did she jump off the mattress and out the window, as if she had done this a million times. She didn’t look back at Chay, who took slow steps to walk into the bathroom to take a shower. Stripping the shirt off his torso took way longer than usual, and when he turned around and looked at his back through the mirror, his eyes widened.

Damn, Kim was strong. And he knew how to hurt a person. The entire top of Chay’s back was purple and green, and a harsh red line was encrusted with blood that had dripped between the shoulder blades onto the middle of his back. His ex-boyfriend had precisely slammed him into a sharp piece of wood that had stood out of the rest and that had pierced into his skin. Thankfully, the blood flow had long-ago stopped, and just like the back of his head, Chay would just gently clean it with water.

He set the water pressure on the lowest setting and stood in the shower with clenched teeth. Fuck, that hurt. The stinging of the water on the opening wounds made him groan and plead for mercy, and he got out as soon as possible. When he had gotten dressed, again with much difficulty, Chay glanced himself up and down in the mirror. Checking the cheek and his jaw, he was quite worried. The soft side of his face was red, but it had been a simple slap that he could even cover with some foundation if he located some in the bathroom. But the jaw? Overnight, his bone had turned into all colors of the rainbow, and that couldn’t be easily covered.

Chay looked around in mild panic. He would rather cut his leg off than admit to Elenore and Marc that some of his family members had shown up in the middle of the night and used him as a punching bag! His eyes settle on the window and the little alarm clock next to it. He had woken up very early, definitely before Marc, and maybe even before Elenore. The woman usually got outside to work the crops at around seven a.m., and her husband stayed inside to make breakfast and wake the kids.

Right now, it was six thirty, and he couldn’t see Elenore outside. Perfect. As fast and quietly as he could with his injuries, Chay made his way downstairs, sneaking past the master bedroom in which he could hear two voices talking quietly. Once outside of the house, Chay immediately ran towards the barn and the adjacent pasture. He knelt down and groaned in pain when the shirt brushed his sore back, but he ignored it. With both hands, he reached into the dark, muddy soil and massaged it into his arms and lower part of the face, before he grabbed dry sand that he rubbed onto the sticky bits.

Once he was done, his arms and hopefully also the face looked like he had been working outside for a while already, and nobody would notice his blooming jaw. With the panic fading, Chay allowed himself to take a deep breath and actually got to work. He let the animals outside, filled up the three water tanks that were of different sizes so that all animals could reach them comfortably, and after that, Chay checked the fence for any issues.

He was finished by the time that Elenore left the house and looked surprised when she saw him. “Chay! What are you doing up already?” Usually, Chay woke up with Mark and the kids and only got to work after breakfast. He forced himself to speak and was surprised that it worked, although with much difficulty and in a quiet voice.

“I couldn’t sleep. Already ate breakfast.” He had grabbed one of the apples and a tomato on his way outside. If he ate breakfast with the family, he would have to wash up before sitting at the table, and his disguise would be ruined.

“Okay,” she sounded impressed, “I see that you have already taken care of the animals? That’s great, thanks a lot. Do you want to continue with the shed or he-” “Not the shed,” he interrupted her with a shaking of his head. He didn’t want to go anywhere near that damn thing. “I… last night… messed up a shelf and don’t know how I-” his voice became hoarse before it cleft him completely, as if he had spent the night screaming at a very loud concert. Thankfully, Elenore only nodded.

“No problem, I can have a look at that for you. Would you like to take a break or take care of the corn?” Chay gestured that he would be going into the field which was usually Elenore’s area of expertise. But at least, he wouldn’t be around people and not near the shed. “Okay, I took care of the center and the part close to the house yesterday, so you can just take the part further by the street. And if it becomes too boring for you, just stop and take a break.”

Chay checked the watering pipes that he and the woman of the house had just re-installed yesterday in the morning. So much had happened since then. He walked along the driveway which had the animal pasture to the left and the crops to his right. The green leaves stood tall, taller than Chay’s head, and they have turned ocher in the top part that was closest to the summer heat. Most of it was corn that would be fed to the animals and be harvested in September. The part closest to the house was other vegetables and other crops like cabbages, lettuce, wheat, and potatoes.

He was standing in one of the openings in the corn field and checked for parasites and weeds that would have to be taken out by hand. The mud on his skin had dried completely and formed a crust that broke whenever he moved his limbs, but it was also a natural protection from the sun that was already very hot at seven a.m.

Suddenly, he noticed a strange color among the green and slightly yellow crops that moved towards him. In the middle of the little forest-like arrangement, hidden by many plants was a large dark brown and black figure hiding. Chay wanted to yell but didn’t manage anything other than a quick intake of breath and stumbled backwards. The little line between the rows wasn’t very wide, and so he tripped into the corn plants behind him with flailing arms. The weed that he had just been holding in his hands went flying, but with his last remaining brain cell, Chay held onto the little gardening tool used for weeding.

It was as long as his forearm, with a metal edge that curved into a ninety-degree-angle at the top to get the stubborn plants out of the soil. It wasn’t as sharp as a knife, but could inflict serious pain if used accordingly. Chay grabbed it in both of his hands and stretched them out to present his ‘weapon’.

“Chay, it’s me!” Only then did he manage to connect the shape with his brother’s boyfriend, who moved out of his hiding spot and onto the tiny opening. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Kinn held his arms out defensively and moved to the side to leave Chay some space in case he wanted to get up. He didn’t, and even robbed a bit further into the crops.

“Your brother is here too. He took a little different path from the street.” With that, Kinn looked around and let out a little whistle that Porsche could use to get to them. The back of Chay’s brain understood that they weren’t showing themselves in front of the Sanders, and weren’t here to threaten Chay’s host family.

They heard Porsche before they saw him. He came around the corner of the path, whisper-yelling Chay’s name. “Chay? Kinn? Are yo- ah, here you are!” He took the scene in and looked at Kinn in disappointment. “Why is he on the ground? You fucking berserker.” Kinn looked like he didn’t feel he deserved the scolding. “I didn’t mean to scare him. He just fell when he saw me.” Porsche shook his head and sat down on the dirty soil, completely disregarding the fact that he was a mafia leader who lived in a palace-like tower.

“Hi Chay, sorry we scared you. We thought you’d be back at the shed, but there was only a woman there.” Chay’s eyes widened in panic. Elenore! “Hey, hey, don’t worry. She didn’t see us, and we aren’t going to hurt her.” Porsche looked pained when he understood how little Chay thought of them. “We… we came to check on your head. Is it still hurting?” Chay shook his head. Lie. Well, mostly. The bump on his head was still pulsing with pain every now and then, especially when he leaned down or up too quickly. But it was fine. Better than the back and jaw.

Still, Kinn didn’t seem to be believing Chay, and said: “Can I have a look?” At least he asked, even without Ngao being there to protect the youngest. Chay really wanted the cat right now. Wanted the comfort that her fur and her hissing gave him. But he decided not to be a wuss about it and slowly nodded before sitting up and slightly turning his head to Kinn.

The oldest didn’t touch him and only hummed after taking the sight in. “Can you turn around a little more?” Chay hoped that they couldn’t see his face contorting in pain when he used his arms to lift himself up a bit and turned around. He should have just stood up instead of relying on his shoulders to turn him.

His little whimper didn’t go unnoticed. “Fuck, it’s hurting you, right?” Porsche asked in a pained voice, but Chay stubbornly shook his head. Kinn and Porsche must have come from the street that was close by the part of the field that they were standing in. They must have parked their car a little further away and made their way on foot, first through the little forest in the back to check on the shed before circling the property when they had noticed that Chay wasn’t there.

“Okay,” Kinn murmured and Chay turned around again to not have them where he couldn’t see him. “Chay, I think we should talk now about what happened. At home. Because we… there seems to be a misunderstanding going on, and… we want to clear things up with you.” A misunderstanding? Chay couldn’t possibly fathom what they were talking about, but he had no other choice then to let himself be entertained. It had to be big enough for Kinn and Porsche to flee prison to see him.

“You remember how we said that the girl is alive?” Porsche started and Chay almost huffed in annoyance. How could he forget? It was literally one of the key turning points in his life! “Okay, so in case you don’t believe us, we’ve got something here for you.” Kinn took his boyfriend’s cue and pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was already pre-set on a video that he played.

Chay’s breath stopped. The person holding the camera was out of the frame, and Chay had no idea who it was. But he didn’t really care. Because the video showed a hospital bed in which the fourteen-year-old girl that he had thought had died in his arms was peacefully sleeping. One would have thought that she was dead if it wasn’t for the rosy cheeks and beeping heart monitors that were attached to her body. She was wearing a standard hospital gown and was laying underneath a blanket, but Chay was sure that underneath the covers were bandages wrapped around where the bullet had hit her in the stomach.

Hedidn’t know he was tearing up until Porsche quietly said: “Dr. Seek took the video this morning.” Dr. Seek? Tankhun’s boyfriend? Chay knew that he didn’t work in the hospital and was confused. With a frown on his face he looked at his brother in question. “As soon as we found out that she was alive, we transferred her to the bigger hospital. She’s in good care and is awake very often. Dr. Seek is sure that she will make a full recovery after a lot of physical therapy and long rests.” Chay blinked the tears out of his face and nodded.

“Her name is Praew. She’s fourteen and goes to school in Lopburi, where her family lives.” Praew. Chay had often wondered about the girl and her life. Now he knew that she would be fine. That her family wouldn’t have to pay for a funeral and that her brother wouldn’t become an only child. “She… she got kidnapped on June 26^th.” The shooting had happened on June 29^th. Praew had spent three entire days away from her family. It made his stomach turn and he had a hard time looking at Kinn or Porsche. Instead, he grabbed the oldest’ phone like a lifeline and kept staring at the last frame of the short video.

“Chay, you must have gotten a completely wrong idea of the situation,” Kinn said softly. “It all went so wrong, and we never wanted for this to happen to her or the others.” Well, of course not. Of course they would want their ‘goods’ to be in perfect condition. Nobody would buy a person that was injured or dead!

“We had a thorough plan, but one of our contacts betrayed us and didn’t keep his promise. There weren’t supposed to be any civilians involved in the shooting.” So the shooting had been planned? Why? The delivery had been scheduled for that night behind the restaurant. What had changed? His confusion must have shown on his face, and Porsche took a deep breath.

“Okay, so that night, you went into my office and looked through the files, right?” Chay nodded and puffed his chest. He didn’t feel guilty for trespassing his brother’s privacy that way. “And you found out about the… sex trafficking ring, right?” He didn’t give a visible reaction. “Do you remember the color of the file?” Chay nodded and furrowed his brows. What type of question was that?! As if Chay could forget it. Black, like the inky hair of his ex-boyfriend. It had been thicker than most of the other ones and had felt like it weighed a hundred pounds in his hands.

“So, most of the files that I brought home a few days earlier had been from my office in the tower. But… the black ones weren’t. They were Korn’s private collection, and we only found out about their existence after we had returned from Norway.”

Porsche stopped speaking to let Chay process his words. The youngest’s face contorted in disbelief before it fell. Wait, that would mean that… He looked over at Kinn who looked pained. “Neither my brother nor I knew about this. And other parts of the business. Kim found the files one day in our father’s office, and we took them to study them.” Chay’s breathing was low and shallow, and his heartbeat slowed down.

“We were behind the restaurant that night because we had tracked down a man named Khleng, do you remember him?” Chay did. He had studied the Thaun Khin file very thoroughly when he had scanned the pages. He knew the face of everybody who was employed by the Theerapanyakul family – or at least their patriarch – and who was connected to the business. “Khleng told us about the time of the drop-off and we got there to stop it.”

But… but why would they do that?! Weren’t secrets and shady businesses part of the mafia lifestyle? So even if Kinn and the others hadn’t known about Korn’s little side business, why would they stop the trade? That made no sense! Why had they snooped around their father’s office for secret files? Unless…

Kinn plucked at a piece of grass that sprouted from the soil. “I know that you hate the mafia, Chay, and I can’t fault you for it. You haven’t grown up the way me and my brothers have, and I will not try to ask you to understand our viewpoints. But you should know that we aren’t mindless killers. Some of us maybe. Vegas used to, at least on the outside.” Chay had heard many things and stories about the infamous Vegas Theerapanyakul. He got along very well with Macau’s older brother, and had spent a lot of time with him cooking and enjoying the silence. He had never asked him about his past, but Vegas’s eyes held stories too painful to be spoken of.

“And we all have limits. And sex trafficking is one of them.” Oh no. So this is what the misunderstanding they had been talking about was. Chay’s heart felt like it was being squished into a tiny space, and he only heard Porsche’s voice through a foggy atmosphere. “Korn kept this business hidden because he knew that we wouldn’t support it. He didn’t know that we stole the files, but he had a feeling that we were planning to stop the trade. So he and some goons had tried to kill us and our plan failed. Praew got shot trying to protect us from them.”

Chay’s stomach was turning, and he tried to contain his tears and vomit. This couldn’t be true! Kinn and Porsche were the bad guys! They had participated in this business! He tried to tell himself these lies to stop the guilt from forming. What had he done?! “Chay, calm down,” Porsche begged him. “You didn’t know. How could you? You saw the crime, found the files, knew that we were part of the mafia. Of course you would connect the dots this way.” Rationally, Chay knew the same. How could he have known any of the truth?

“I can’t imagine how you were feeling. You were so scared, weren’t you?” Porsche’s eyes welled up with tears and Chay looked down when he sniffed and nodded. Scared didn’t even cover it. When Praew had said Kim’s stage name, his world had collapsed. It had been thrown off its axis and kicked across the universe with no regard for order and stability.

“I told you last night, it would be hypocritical of me to say that you should have just talked to us about it. Because we didn’t tell you the truth, either. We even deliberately kept it from you and lied about stuff.” Chay remembered Kim’s Japan tour and the cancelled dinner with Kinn and Porsche on the evening of the shooting. “We knew you didn’t want to be involved in the mafia business, but we should have talked about this with you, anyway.”

Chay didn’t know what they were talking about. Why would they include him in the plan of ruining the prostitution ring? He hadn’t had any connection to it before the shooting, so why did Kinn and Porsche feel bad about leaving him out of it? “We…” Kinn started, “this isn’t just about the sex trafficking ring. It was about all of this. When we came back from Norway, Kim… he talked to us about… getting out of this.” Chay’s head whipped up and he tried to look in their faces for any lies and untruth. He found none.

“I told you that we all have limits, right? And that the sex trafficking is far beyond that line?” Chay nodded dumbly. He was so out of it all that he would probably do anything Kinn asked him right now. His brain was working in overdrive mode and he had trouble keeping up. “Actually, once you got involved, the line shifted even further.” Kinn smiled sadly. “My brothers and I are used to violence, maybe we are a bit immune to the insanity. But when Porsche joined us, I started to see that I didn’t want this lifestyle anymore. And… don’t get this the wrong way, but you are even more fragile than your brother.” Chay knew what Kinn meant. He oozed innocence and fragility, not always in a bad way, but Porsche was bigger, stronger, more used to violence and the harshness of the world. Chay understood why people babied him. It sometimes icked him, but he knew what Kinn meant.

“When we came back from Norway, Kim told us that he wanted out of this. He wanted all of us out.” His poignant look finished the sentence. For you. Chay’s throat constricted and he struggled for air. Oh no. Porsche grabbed Kinn’s hand and continued: “We should have told you from the beginning. And maybe we pushed it back because of your recovery from the transplant, or maybe because of your busy university schedule, or maybe because it wasn’t fair to include you in this mess. You had nothing to do with it and we figured it would be best to leave you out of it.”

“To cut things short; we pulled a few strings and called in a few favors to get things going. Father couldn’t know about our plan.” Of course he couldn’t. If he had secret, shady businesses that he didn’t feel like confining his own sons in, then Korn would obviously not support the idea of ending the empire.

“So if you’re wondering why we aren’t in prison right now, it’s because luckily, we worked together with the man who you’ve sent the emails to.” The Home Secretary had known about their plan, Chay’s brain intelligently provided. He didn’t even want to think about what would have happened if he had threatened a person who hadn’t been working together with Kinn and Porsche.

Slowly but surely, the puzzle pieces started to fit together. A part of Chay still refused to believe the story that he was being told. “Chay, we’ve been having the same goal in mind,” Porsche said desperately. “I know you didn’t want to imprison us. You only want justice and peace, right? And we do, too! The bad person here isn’t us, we don’t want to be part of the mafia anymore. The only person that needs to be fought is Korn.” 

Chay wanted to ask a million questions. His mouth opened and closed every few seconds, but no sound left his lips. His ears were ringing, and he didn’t really hear his surroundings, but Porsche and Kinn suddenly perked up when they heard a child’s excited voice through the field. “Chaaaay!” it yelled and the youngest now heard it, too. His reflexes made him jump up from the ground, gasping in pain and grabbing onto his shoulder when his back moved too quickly.

“Chay, wha-” He interrupted Porsche’s concerned question and pushed him and Kinn into the corn without preamble. Thankfully, they didn’t protest and moved backwards into hiding just in time. “Chay!” Jacob came running around a corner and jumped into his arms. Chay whimpered but the young boy was not paying attention to that. “You’ve been working for aaaages now. You didn’t even say good morning!”

Chay moved them in a way that made sure that Jacob couldn’t see Kinn and Porsche and tried to put on an apologetic smile. But the Canadian boy knew that face. Chay always had this conflicted expression when he was trapped in his head. “Are you having a bad day?” he asked and tilted his head. Chay tried to shake his head and convince Jacob that he was fine, but didn’t succeed. “Really?” came the disbelieving answer. “Are you mute today?”

Chay’s heart dropped, and he instinctively looked over Jacob’s shoulder into the corn field. He could see a tiny bit of Kinn and Porsche’s faces, and the eldest’s look was sheer shock. Chay knew why Porsche wasn’t reacting to Jacob’s question. Kinn’s boyfriend wasn’t fluent in English, mostly because he had used his time outside of school earning money instead of learning his vocabulary. He had made sure that Chay would get the best education they could afford, and had cut back on himself a lot of times. But Kinn was very proficient in Englisch, and from the look on his face, understood the word ‘mute’ very well.

Chay’s lack of an answer was enough for Jabob, and he wrapped his arms around Chay’s neck, touching the sore spot between his shoulders. Chay’s face once again contorted in pain, and even with his eyes closed, he could tell that Kinn was connecting the dots. He had to get out of here! Especially with Jacob!

Thankfully, the little boy made a proposal himself. “I know what can get you happy again. We can go up into the hay loft and cuddle the cats! Maybe Ngao is even going to show up!” Chay took the invitation gladly and without looking back speed-walked away from the corn field, away from his brother and said brother’s boyfriend, and away from the ugly truth that they had been right: Chay had gotten it all wrong. ‘Misunderstanding’ didn’t even cover the mess that had been caused.

Chapter Text

July 13^th

Chay avoided the corn field for the rest of the day. He gladly took all of Jacob’s offers to distract him and helped him with his homework that the teachers had assigned over summer break. But still, no matter how hard he tried to focus, Chay couldn’t stop thinking about what Kinn and Porsche had told him in the corn field.

All this time, he had been trying to push all guilt back because he had been so sure that Praew had died because of them. That they were the bad guys. And now, knowing that they had had a similar idea as he had, Chay felt terrible. He simply couldn’t understand how any of this could have happened! His thoughts spiraled and while he was helping Marc with the cleaning of the animal shelters, he tried to understand his brother’s opinion and viewpoint. What had gone through his, Kinn’s, and Kim’s head when they had made the decision to stop the sex trafficking? Who else had been in on their plan? Did Korn know about it? What did the headline about his retirement mean?

None of these questions could be answered by Chay himself, and he subconsciously found himself looking at the outskirts of the farm, hoping he’d get a glimpse of his brother who wanted to talk to him. But he didn’t see anybody.

At some point, he had started to sniffle whilst cleaning the hooves of the horses, but Marc didn’t notice it. Chay was completely overwhelmed with the news and slowly started to understand the implications. He had betrayed them all, unknowing that they had been trying their best to accommodate their world for him. The first emotion that came to Chay’s mind was fear. Fear of what Porsche was thinking of him right now. How could he even look at Chay without seeing the betrayal?!

But like his older brother had already told Chay: how could he have known about their intentions, when they had all lied to him as well? Rationally, he knew that they didn’t completely blame him for his thought process, but the harsh truth that Chay had been completely wrong didn’t sit well with him. The fact that Korn had wanted to make him disappear in order to regain his power over his sons didn’t sit well with Chay.All this time, he had thought that he had been so much smarter than the mafia kingpin, when in fact, the black king had won. Chay had been but the white bishop in this twisted game of chess. And right now, Kinn and Porsche were here, in Canada, while Kim was who knew where, probably on a killing rampage after having been denied beating Chay to a pulp.

Right now, Korn was probably somewhere in Thailand, enjoying his perfect little plan that had succeeded with a few hitches. Kinn and Porsche were gone, and he would have all the time in the world to regain his power over the underworld. Chay had gotten his revenge, but on the wrong people. He had made his brother and the others pay for a crime that they had been busy avenging just like he had. And if Chay was being honest with himself, he had probably even caused a delay in their succeeding by foiling their plan. How stupid had he been!

Unable to take the pressure any longer, he wiped his tears and told Marc that he would take a nap because he wasn’t feeling very well. Chay went upstairs on shaking legs and took another shower to get rid of his dirt disguise. It hurt just like it had in the morning, but the internal pain was too prominent for Chay to even notice the stinging of the water on the sore skin. The falling drops also drowned-out his tears and quiet sobs.

When he woke up again, it was already the late afternoon, and he could smell Marc cooking dinner in the kitchen. With a shaky sigh, Chay grabbed a few things that he put into a linen bag that he slung over his shoulder before making his way downstairs. But although he was trying to be as quiet as possible, the house husband heard him nonetheless and turned around to greet him. “Hi Chay, are you feeling be- oh my god!” His eyes widened. “What happened to your jaw?!”

Fuck. How could he have forgotten! “Uuuuh,” he answered intelligently and prayed for his voice not to fail him, “goat kicked when…” he cleared his throat, “I took food away.” “Really?!” Marc looked bewildered, “which one? They have never done this before!” “Uh, was my fault. Was too rough. What’s for dinner?” Marc thankfully moved back and stopped staring at Chay’s face. “A summer stew. But it needs at least one more hour, can you wait that long?”

Chay had had some midday snacks with Jacob and Lilly, and even if he were hungry, he wouldn’t be able to eat right now anyway. So he nodded and said: “Need help?” “No, no, don’t worry. Take a break, you should put some ice on that bruise. Elenore is in town with the kids at the moment, I’ll ask her to bring some ointment with her.” Chay grabbed the offered cooling pack and gestured towards the barn before leaving the house.

After having woken up earlier, he couldn’t stand laying in bed any longer and wanted comfort, which he usually found in the hay loft with the cats. So he climbed up the ladder and sat down against a bale of hay and opened his linen bag. He pulled a bottle of water and his notebook out, as well as a pen and the cooling pack, which he placed on his collarbone and leaned his chin down to press it against himself.

Clicking the pen open, he started scribbling into the little booklet that he had bought at the Bangkok airport before his flight to London had taken off. He used to write in it to communicate while he was mute, but now, he started making bullet points and captured the questions that were roaming inside his head. If Kinn and Porsche returned once again, he would take his chance to ask specific questions instead of simply lying around dumbly and crying. And even if they didn’t come back, at least he had the booklet to remember his thoughts and misunderstandings.  

“Meow,” came a soft chirping sound from his right, and Chay looked over to see Sophie and Charlie, two of the barn cats and Jacob’s personal favorites, making their way over to where he was sitting. Chay smiled and lowered his pen to reach into the linen bag and pull out some cat treats for them. He had never known how much he loved these creatures. Back in Thailand, he had never considered getting a pet. Sure, nowadays Porsche was constantly babbling everybody’s ears off about getting a dog, but Chay himself had never seriously thought about it. But when he looked up and saw the expressionless and yet weirdly invested face of his favorite cat, Chay started to smile in spite of his emotional and physical pain.

“Ngao,” he whispered and held his arm out. She sent him a long look before finally giving in and walking over. But she didn’t fool anybody, because her steps got quicker and quicker, like she was hiding her enthusiasm at seeing him again. Chay even thought he heard a soft chirping sound when she reached him, but his minds must have played games with him. Just when Ngao arrived, the other cats retreated, as if the black cat sent them a warning not to get too close to Chay.

Wordlessly, she sat next to him and rubbed her little head on his knee, and Chay picked up the pen again and continued writing, with occasional belly rubs for Ngao.

“Psst,” came the staccato whisper-yell after a while and Chay’s and Ngao’s heads whipped up. Before the young man could get up, Kinn’s head poked over the ledge of the ladder and the rest of his massive body followed suit. The mafia heir then reached back to help Porsche climb up as well, and their greeting was quickly interrupted by themselves. “Hi, we saw yo- oh fuck!” They saw the cooling pack and the now not covered blooming bruise on his jaw.

Porsche, once again disregarding the fact that Ngao was close-by, scooted forward on his knees and gently lifted Chay’s head to get a better look. Then, he sent him a knowing glance. “You covered it up this morning.” Chay bit his lips and looked over Porsche’s shoulder, hoping that Kinn would calm his boyfriend down. But if anything, the oldest looked even more pissed and made short work off it.

On a whimp, he ordered Chay: “Pull your shirt up.” His voice didn’t accept any argument, and Chay inhaled deeply before he reached backwards to pull the hem up by his neck. His intrusive thoughts had been right, Kinn had noticed Jacob hurting Chay with the hug this morning.

“Fuck Chay, your back!” Porsche gasped and the youngest resisted the urge to look up and see the expression on his brother’s face. Instead, he simply let the shirt fall back down again and slowly turned around so that he wouldn’t have the two men where he couldn’t see them. Chay then looked at the ground between the three of them and waited for the inevitable.

“Was that Kim too?!” Kinn asked incredulously, and Chay’s silence was enough of an answer. “That fucker,” “I’m so sorry Chay, we should have been quicker,” came the simultaneous reactions from Porsche and Kinn, but Chay simply shrugged, not knowing what else to do. “Do you need some ointment? I can see if I have some left in the car,” Kinn got ready to get up, but Chay shook his head.

Porsche looked very uncomfortable with his baby brother being hurt and said: “You shouldn’t be working in your condition, Chay.” The youngest got frustrated because he wanted to protest but knew that he couldn’t speak. It was a mystery to him. Why could he speak to strangers and the Sanders with little problem, but when it came to Kinn, Kim and Porsche, he was silent?!

This time, it was his brother who was observant. As dumb as Porsche usually seemed to be, he was much more observant than one would think. “Kinn told me what the little boy said to you in the corn field.” Here it was. There was no beating around the bush anymore, Chay figured and nodded dejectedly while shrugging his shoulders despite the pain it caused him. “Why did he ask you if you were mute?”

Biting his lips again, Chay flipped the pages in the booklet and scribbled two words that he showed to them. “Selective mutism?” came Kinn’s confused reaction and he immediately pulled his phone out of his pocket. Porsche was too stunned to speak and simply blinked at Chay. His boyfriend broke the silence after he had gotten some search results. “Oh Chay,” he sounded like a lot of things made sense now, almost as if he was speaking to himself. “What?” asked Porsche and looked over. Kinn looked at the youngest and sat down with his legs crossed. “It says that selective mutism can appear after severe trauma or head injuries.”

Judging from their looks, the couple knew that this hadn’t been caused by the bump on the back of Chay’s head. Especially since Jacob had asked him about his mutism like it was a daily occurrence. Porsche looked like his world was falling apart. “It was the shooting, right? When you saw Praew?” Chay furrowed his brows and shook his head before writing something down again. He had been wondering what might have caused his bizarre new character trait and had come up with the solution after careful thinking.

              Before she died, she said that she had seen WIK.

The couple both took in a deep breath and Chay couldn’t read their faces. So he quickly added a side note that said that this was most likely not permanent, and he was already doing much better. He didn’t want Kinn or Porsche to feel bad about this. After all, it had mostly been his own fault that he had let it come this far, Chay thought with a self-depriving voice. He deserved this. What Kinn and Porsche didn’t have to know was the fact that his muteness seemed to be less prominent with people that he hadn’t mistrusted. “You have to believe us, Chay. He didn’t shoot her. He jumped in the van to fight the guys that were shooting us, and she tackled one of them out in the process.” Chay felt even more terrible for his drastic measures and fumbled with the little booklet.

“Okay,” Porsche shook his head as if he wanted to move on, “we can take care of that, too.” Leave it to Porsche Kittisawasd to remain positive all this time. After all, they had dealt with Chay’s sickle cell disease for quite a long time as well. A non-threatening trauma response could be lived with as well.

“We wanted to finish the talk from earlier. I think you’ve had some time to think about it?” Kinn asked and Chay nodded while thinking about the distress and worry he had felt all afternoon long. Without further ado, he nodded and quickly wrote something down; the most prominent thought in his head all day. “You have to go back?” Porsche read the sentence out loud incredulously.

Apparently, the couple didn’t understand his thought process and looked ready to protest, so Chay quickly lifted his finger to stop the disagreement as quickly as possible and explained his decision.

I messed up and I am very sorry about the mess that I caused for you. But if you really want to stop Korn from regaining his power, you have to go back and stop him. Now that you are here, he can easily take back his control!

Kinn looked weirdly proud at Chay’s way of thinking. But first and foremost, what the older men seemed to be most happy about was a different thing. “So does that mean that you believe us?” Chay sighed and shrugged his shoulders. To be completely honest, he had no idea. Truth didn’t really mean anything in the mafia world, and if Kinn and Porsche wanted to lead him on the wrong path, it would be an easy thing for them to do. But in the end, Chay came to a very simple conclusion: he had no reason to doubt their story. How could he trust Korn more than them?

“Don’t worry about my father, our plan didn’t get messed up by you. Well,” Kinn corrected himself and swayed his head from one side to the other, “a bit maybe. You certainly made sure that we finished it quicker than anticipated. We had planned on taking our time and thinking everything through, but in the end, it all worked out fine.”

Did that mean that Korn wasn’t any concern anymore?! He tilted his head and urged Kinn to go on. “When we found out that you were gone, we had to postpone our mission for a while. We thankfully found out that my father wanted you gone.” “See?” Porsche asked with an urging voice, “it’s not your fault for mistrusting us. Korn made you leave!” Chay didn’t completely agree with his brother. Sure, Korn had tried to manipulate him into leaving Thailand, but the plan had already existed before the mafia kingpin had showed up in Chay’s apartment and had used the weird chess metaphor. It didn’t sit well with Chay that even without Korn’s influence, he would have taken the files and betrayed them all. He didn’t understand how Porsche could have so much faith in his little brother.

“Anyway, we pretended to look for you in London, but we knew you hadn’t stayed in England.” Chay’s shy and inquisitory look made Kinn smirk. “You were good, I’ll give you that. You hid from the security cameras really well and we would have had a lot of trouble looking for you if it hadn’t been for the emails.” Chay frowned. “Arm found out that you were in Paris, Lisbon and Dublin when you sent them. We figured that you would use Macau’s vpn and tracked the public computers through it. In Dublin, we saw you board a plane to Toronto, and from there it took us until now to find you.”

Porsche continued. “In the end, we only found you because we asked Arm to create a program that lets us know if any computers used certain keywords. We saw that you didn’t bring a phone with you and figured that you would send the next email through a public computer. We situated around Toronto when we lost you on the cameras and waited. Arm messaged us yesterday in the afternoon that somebody had been in an internet café searching for the name Theerapanyakul.”

Chay’s brother looked down and picked at some hay. “Uuuh, it was Kim who trailed your car. Kinn and I were a bit further away from downtown and… he was supposed to tell us where you were going, but he didn’t call us.” The implication was there, even without Porsche saying it out loud. Kim had seen Chay and had felt so much rage that he wanted to take revenge, and he had known that neither Kinn nor Porsche would accept that. So he had taken off on his own. And the worst part was that Chay didn’t even know if maybe his ex-boyfriends reaction was valid or not. Right? Definitely not. Understandable? Probably.

“We tracked his phone and got here as soon as possible,” Kinn said quietly, clearly feeling bad for not having been able to stop his little brother from hurting the runaway. “Chay,” the oldest said desperately with a pained face, “I know it probably won’t mean anything coming from me, but I want you to know that Kim is jus-”

Chay quickly held up his hand to stop the older from apologizing and for finding excuses for Kim’s actions. Truth be told, Chay just wasn’t ready to think about Kim just yet, so he quickly took out his notebook and wrote:

              You said you pretended to look for me in London?

“Ah, yeah, sorry, we kind of drifted off. So, knowing that my father wanted you gone to reestablish his power, we made it look like we left the country, but in reality tracked him down and found out how he wanted to get his position back. It wasn’t easy and we needed help, but lucky for us, Chan was kind of on our side and helped us.”

Chay’s eyes widened. Chan?! Scary bodyguard Chan who had broken into his apartment and probably placed the stupid bishop love story and the Swiss chocolate there?! He huffed. These mafia men should write telenovelas for a living. What with all the plot twists and such?

“Once we knew his detailed plan, we cornered Korn and threatened him. He’s… officially retired from his legal positions and is handing the business over to Kinn.” Porsche pressed his lips together and slowly nodded, implying that Chay should better not ask any further questions if he didn’t want the ugly truth. So the youngest settled for the only and most important question:

              So you won?

His brother smiled softly and nodded. “There’s still quite a lot to do, and the underground scene isn’t very happy about a lot of things, but yes, we won. Most of the criminals are either dead or anonymously handed over to the authorities, and the Home Secretary is getting a lot of praise for busting the mafia world. And the name Theerapanyakul doesn’t appear anywhere.”

Chay teared up and gently placed Ngao off his lap to nudge forward and slowly hug Porsche, who in fluid motions opened his arms and accepted the gentle and hesitant touch. It was a fragile embrace and Chay didn’t quite believe it was even happening. All this time, he had thought that he wanted to get revenge on the Theerapanyakul name, and now he found out that what he was really after – justice – was served and his brother and family wasn’t the bad guys anymore. They hadn’t even needed the threatening emails or Chay’s running away. No, they had been having the same goal all along.

With a lot of effort Chay managed to whisper a little phrase in between his sobs. His head was laying on Porsche’s chest and they were sitting in front of each other, Chay’s face turned to the side so that his aching jaw wasn’t touching anything. This way, he was looking directly at Kinn and hoped his eyes supported his quietly whispered words: “I’m sorry.” When he saw his brother’s boyfriend gently smiling and mouthing: “it’s okay,” he closed his eyes and let all tension fall off his body.

Not all things were good now. The hug only lasted so much time, and when Chay emerged back out of his brother’s embrace, he felt his cheeks heat up once more and didn’t know what to do next. What could he do now?! All this time, he had thought that they would all rot in prison cells, and after a while, he could go back to Thailand and live his life in peace away from the crime. Maybe he wouldn’t have come back at all, and stayed away from Bangkok for the rest of his life. But now? Somehow, neither option appealed to him. He was already lucky that Kinn and Porsche forgave him for his thoughtless actions, and that they insisted that he had only tried to do the right thing. But looking in their faces proved to be too much to ask of Chay.

Luckily, Kinn seemed to be able to read minds, and cleared his throat. “Okay, I know that this is awkward, and we all know that this isn’t going to go away anytime soon.” Porsche huffed. “Tell me about it. Looks like this entire family needs therapy.” The nonverbal side note that Chay should see a professional about his trust issues and PTSD was there.

“Sooooo,” Kinn continued with a weird intonation, “okay. I’m just going to say it.” He looked at Porsche who nodded in affirmation and Chay was confused. What had they talked about? Had he missed something? “After the corn field incident we figured that this was all a misunderstanding and that this,” he gestured at the awkwardness of the situation, “would happen sooner or later.” Oh. So Chay’s dilemma about not going back to Bangkok and not staying away was known to them. He shrunk in on himself.

He really wanted to finish his medicine studies. Wanted to live the happy life that he had had before the shooting on the 29^th of June. And rationally speaking, he knew that it was impossible. He didn’t have his boyfriend anymore – and frankly, that ship had sailed long ago – and the mere thought of looking Tankhun, Arm, Pol and Macau in the face after having betrayed them made Chay feel an emotion so string he wanted to bury himself alive. All of this was his own fault.

“Our entire lives are changing right now. Kinn and I need to make some very important phone calls and establish a new… well… business strategy.” Chay didn’t really know what Porsche was talking about, but a look at his face confirmed what he was thinking: If Chay wanted to know, then they would include him in everything. They wouldn’t leave him out, even if he asked for it. The situation had shown them that although Chay didn’t want to be included in the mafia life, he still needed to know at least the corner points – like planning on overthrowing the entire system in a year.

“And we have to go back to Bangkok to not lose our position and do damage control. But… we think it would be best if you…” Chay nodded embarrassed. It would be best if he didn’t tag along. He could almost hear the crack in his heart but tried to mask his emotions. “Hey, Chay. Sorry, that wasn’t phrased very well. What I mean is; we are going to be very busy for the next few weeks. And if you came back right now with us, you’d feel neglected and horrible. I’m sure Tankhun would love to spend time with you,” Chay sincerely doubted that, “but believe it or not; he’s  more involved in the business than you’d think. So why not do it this way: You take the rest of the summer holidays off. Take a break and think stuff over. I know you said you believe us, but we all know that we all need to come to terms with everything. Maybe… maybe some time apart will be good for us. And when we are all ready, we meet again and try to move on. How does that sound?”

Chay really loved his brother, who more often than not was a goofball with no regard for boundaries and safety, but who always knew exactly what Chay needed. So he nodded and trusted Porsche that his plan would work. Next, Kinn spoke up again:

“And to be honest, it’s not just us who are busy at the moment. The restructuring of the business is a long process that includes many people. I hope you know that although we want to get out of the mafia business, we are never going to completely accomplish that, right?” Chay sighed and nodded. Of course they couldn’t. even if to the public, Kinn was the leader of a multi-million firm, the Theerapanyakul name was known by many more people who would want to find out who had betrayed them and sold them out to the authorities.

“Vegas and Pete have stayed in Bangkok to start the rebranding project already. We are hoping to get a deeper connection with politics and kind of work as… well… sort of double agents? Whistleblowers?” It was clear that he didn’t like these terms, “basically, we keep up the front of mafia for our remaining contacts, and cooperate with the legal system to improve the situation from the point of view of the criminals.”

Aaaah, Chay thought and slowly nodded. They had already gotten rid of the ‘serious’ illegal business, but were holding up the image for the rest of the mafia world so that they had an upper hand if things got bad once again.

“And basically, Vegas and Pete are very busy as well. Soooo… Macau is really lonely and bored now.” Chay’s eyes widened. Macau? Why Macau? Wasn’t he in Chicago for his one-month university project? What did he have to do with any of this? “He helped us finding you and was very worried in the process. Basically, his excursion isn’t graded anyway and when we called him earlier today, he said he’d always want to go on a trip with you.”

Both Kinn and Porsche looked at Chay with excited and impatient faces. “What do you think? He can come here, you spend some time together, talk things out and reconnect while we take care of business at home. You can stay here with the family, or go on a road-trip, maybe visit Id and Kjeld in Norway – who we by the way told that you are very sick and couldn’t come – and then you come back home and move back into your shared dorm?”

Chay was conflicted. Why would Macau agree to spending time with him after Chay had pulled all these stunts? But it sounded like it hadn’t been Kinn and Porsche who had proposed this idea. Had Macau himself offered? “Come on Chay, he’s your best friend,” Porsche tried. “I’m sure you’ll reconnect. You two are more alike than you’d think and you should really talk things out with him if you want to restart in Bangkok.”

After a minute of contemplation, Chay pulled out the little booklet and scribbled a little sentence on the paper- that made Porsche and Kinn smile in relief.

I have to ask Marc and Elenore, but if they’re okay, I’d be glad to have him here.

He would start over. Baby steps would have to be made, and Chay would have to have serious conversations with all the people he wanted to reconnect with. But why not start with his best friend? After all, the talk with Kinn and Porsche had been quite successful, and in Chay’s heart, there was a faint spark of hope that things would more or less be okay in a while.

Chapter Text

July 14^th

First meetings were awkward. Chay had always hated meeting new people, because he was shy and insecure. The first time he had met his brother’s friends, he had fumbled his way through the entire conversation that day. However, second meetings were fine. Chay loved having friends and meeting them was something he thrived in. Whenever he met Jom or Tem nowadays, he went straight for the friendly hug.

Meeting Macau therefore shouldn’t be this awkward. It should be a second meeting, like with Ohm, Jom, and Tem. But somehow, Chay was so nervous that he bit his entire bottom lip raw while he was trying to distract himself with work. Occasionally, he even regretted having asked Marc and Elenore last night if his best friend – if he could even still call him that – could come over. To his unluck, the couple had been very happy to meet this Macau guy, and had only said that they would have to share the room and that he would have to contribute to the barn life.

Chay was kneeling in the front part of the pasture, arranging the new food dispenser, when he heard the honking of a car coming down the driveway. He took a deep breath and willed his hands to stop shaking so much. Then, he stood up and walked towards the main house, where a leasing car pulled over and stopped. It was the same car that Kinn and Porsche had gotten into two nights ago after they had come back out from the forest.

Seeing Elenore and Marc stopping their jobs to join them, Chay felt completely helpless. Our of the car stepped three people: Kinn, Porsche, and Chay’s best friend who he didn’t look at. He was sure that Macau was staring at him, but he couldn’t get his eyes to cooperate and return the gesture.

“Hello,” Kinn started speaking and extracted his hand to shake the house owners’. “Thank you so much for allowing my cousin to stay here.” His English was fluent with a little accent, but Chay was glad that he was taking over the introductions. Even though Chay had been able to speak to the Sanders last night, he wasn’t sure if his voice would fail him now. He drowned out most of what was being said. He was sure that they had come up with a believable story on the way from the airport to the farm.

Meanwhile, Chay was busy processing the image of Kinn and Porsche standing next to the Sanders – something that Chay would have thought he’d die in order to avoid. The fact that they were innocent was a hard pill to swallow, and Chay was only slowly getting used to it. He could feel Porsche coming over to him and look him up and down. “It’s okay,” he whispered, “stop overthinking.” Easy for him to say, Chay thought but willed himself to nod anyway.

“-ou like to come in?” Marc offered but Kinn declined, saying that they were on a tight schedule business-wise. The good-byes happened far too quickly, and Chay hadn’t said anything by the time the car rolled off the driveway once again. In retrospect, he could only remember the hugs from Kinn and Porsche and their whispered: “Call us whenever you want,” and “you’re always welcome at home.”

Chay was still looking at the leaving car when he heard Marc and Macau talking behind him. “Thank you very much for letting me spend my vacation here on such a short notice.” “No problem, here, let me help you with your suitcase.” It reminded Chay of his first day at the farm, when Marc had offered a hand as well. “Chay?” Elenore asked and walked over to him, “everything alright?” “Hm? Oh, yes, sorry. I just… I think I left the pasture open.” “Okay, go on then. I’ll tell Macau where he can find you when he’s done with unpacking.”

Macau found Chay in the same position as he had been in before. Kneeling in his borrowed dungarees, he was installing the food dispenser, when his voice came from behind him. “Do you need help?” Chay flinched and bit his lips, not knowing what to do. He knew what he wanted: for things to be okay between them again, and for them to be best friends and look past the ugly history.

But how does one get there?! How could Macau even look at Chay when he had just tried to rat his brother out?! Macau would have had nobody left. His mother had died when he was very young, his father had been abusive and was dead as well, and at a fraction of an inch, he had almost lost his only brother. His only remaining relative that really cared for him – and Chay had almost destroyed that for him. So was there even the possibility that Macau would forgive him?!

Chay was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Macau sitting down next to him and grabbing one of the food bags. It was the chicken food which was lighter than all the other bags. “In here?” Macau gestured at one of the dispensers and got ready to pour, but Chay quickly shook his head and croaked out: “No. There.” He then cleared his throat and concealed it as a cough, embarrassed at his condition.

Macau didn’t react to that and only went to pour the kibble into the chicken feeder. But he seemed to have miscalculated his balance, and the bag nearly made him tip over when he turned it too quickly. “Uff!” Macau heaved out when he managed to save most of the food, and Chay giggled. “Dude! That shit’s not easy. It’s heavy!” Chay then got up and took the bag from Macau’s arms, showing him how to gently tip it over to avoid making a mess.

“Ah. Thanks,” he said and moved on to the next bag, which happened to be even heavier and bigger and led to the hilarious instance of Macau squeaking like a little kid when it slipped out of his fingers and fell onto his foot with a loud thump! Luckily, neither Jacob nor Lilly were around to witness the creative curse words that left Macau’s mouth.

They kept working side by side for about half an hour, with Macau occasionally asking Chay about certain things. At some point, Jacob showed up – he had to finish his homework before being allowed to spend time with the new-comer – and bombed Macau with questions about himself and Thailand. Whenever the older didn’t know an English word, he asked Chay who answered in one-word-sentences. But after a while, he managed to add a little phrase to it. So instead of simply saying: “city,” he got comfortable enough to say: “He wants to know what your name means and why you are named after a city.” Chay didn’t really notice the little shift. He wasn’t able to speak freely with Macau, but his wariness had started to fade while watching him and Jacob play with the dogs in the mud.

“Boys! Dinner’s ready!!!” Marc’s voice could be heard all over the farm, and Macau made Jacob race him to the dinner table. Chay admired their talent of becoming friends easily. Meanwhile, he was over here stumbling over every single word, overthinking everything he wanted to say in fear of triggering Macau into yelling at him. He couldn’t simply ask: “So how was Chicago?”, because the other could very well roll his eyes and say sarcastically: “I don’t know, Chay. I hardly had any time participating in the program, because I had to join a search party for you and hack my way into your blackmailing emails?!”

Dinner proved to be difficult and easy at the same time. Easy because Macau was the hot topic at the table, and the family asked him all the questions, leaving Chay thankfully at the periphery of the attention. But it was equally difficult, because at some point, the questions were targeted towards their friendship.

“So tell me, Macau, how did you and Chay become friends?” Chay nearly choked on his mouthful of salad and didn’t dare looking up. He only heard Macau’s enthusiastic: “Oh, his brother is my cousin’s boyfriend and we met through family connections. We got along very well and are now sharing an apartment. We study at the same university.”

Multiple thoughts were running through Chay’s head. First of all, he couldn’t help but notice that Macau had specifically pointed out Porsche’s and Kim’s relationship, when he could have very well said that Chay was dating his cousin Kim. Suddenly, the salad didn’t taste very good anymore. Second, Chay tried not to read anything in Macau’s happiness. He might be putting on a front in front of the family, and pretending to be fine. Chay had a lot of experience with families making it look like they’re a perfect group of people.

“That’s great. I used to dorm with my best friend too, back when I was at uni. It was the best time ever.” “Excuse me?” Marc interrupted his wife, “I thought dating me was the best time of your life?” “Aaaw babe, don’t worry, you are a very close second.” Marc pouted, Macau chuckled, Chay forced a little smile, and the kids were busy sneaking food under the table for the dogs. Somehow, dinner was okay.

Bedtime however was the scariest part of the day for Chay. Right now, he was pacing the room, waiting for and dreading Macau coming out of the bathroom from his shower. A frightened part of him wished that he had hit his head and fainted, giving Chay another few minutes to mentally prepare for the upco-

“Man, I don’t know how you do all the work here. I can already feel my hamstrings cramping.” Macau rubbed his hair dry with one of the towels and asked Chay: “which side is yours?” “Hm?” he asked in confusion and looked at where Macau was pointing. “Oh. Uh, left one, but you can choose.” Macau wordlessly slipped under the light summer blanket on the right side of the bed, while Chay was still standing in the middle of the room like a useless NPC.

After a few seconds of silence, they both started talking at the same time. “I can sleep downsta-” “I’m sorry and I understand if yo-” They both stopped when they realized that the other wanted to speak as well, and Macau sighed and gestured for Chay to sit down on the bed next to him. The younger did so with hesitant steps and kept his head low. When they were sitting in front of each other on the queen-sized guest bed, Macau reached into his carry-on backpack and pulled Chay’s old phone out of it. Not the one that Korn had given him, but the one that had Kim still saved with a heart emoji next to the name.

“Here. Your brother asked me to give it to you. He doesn’t want to pressure you, but you should call every once in a while.” “Thanks,” Chay whispered and took the device which he hadn’t seen in over two weeks. Somehow, it felt like he had been gone for far longer already. When he saw Macau today, it was like they hadn’t seen each other in over five years. And ironically, that was also what Chay had planned all along.

“I’m not gonna lie, Chay, this whole stunt that you pulled was fucked up and I have a really hard time understanding how you could think so badly of us. But… when P’Kinn told me that they found you, I was so relieved and happy. And not because they stopped you from going through with your plan.”

Chay valued Macau’s honesty a lot, and so it was only fair of him to do the same. So he gathered all of his strength and slowly started talking. He had a few hitches here and there and had to stop to take some breath and swallow the bile in his throat, but he was determined to let Macau know how he was feeling.

He spoke about his shock and trauma when he found Praew in the alleyway and how her body had felt so cold in his arms. How the simple word ‘WIK’ had shook him to the very core and how disgusted he had been when his eyes were opened by the files. He talked about how he wanted nothing but justice and how he couldn’t understand how Kim could leave the dying girl next to the dumpsters.

How he had entered a whole different world and how he had felt left alone, thinking that everybody around him was indifferent to the crimes they were committing on a daily basis. Throughout his entire story, Macau only listened, twice handing Chay a tissue when the tears started rolling. But other than that, he never interrupted him.

“And I am not asking for your forgiveness, because I know that I haven’t earned it. But I hope you understand how I was feeling. I didn’t grow up the way you did, Macau. The only pain and blood I know is from when hia was an underground fighter.” Macau pressed his lips together. “I… I know, Chay. But you should also know that we aren’t monsters. My brother used to be ruthless, but every time I made him talk about it, he broke down and started crying. One time, he couldn’t stop throwing up and stopped eating for three whole days. And even today, he doesn’t use a kitchen ladle for cooking. Whenever he eats soup, he uses a small spoon to scoop it out of the pot.”

Chay felt horrible. Whatever Vegas had gone through, either seen or done himself, had left scars so deep that his daily life was impacted. “I didn’t know that,” he whispered, and Macau threw his hands up. “I know, Chay! Neither did I! Even to this day I don’t know exactly what happened. Hia is the strongest person I know, and he is so fragile! What I’m trying to say is… yes, we are freaks. And yes, our morals are off. But that doesn’t mean that we like our lives. My father and my uncle have been brainwashing us since we were small, and we are finally gathering the courage to step out of this. And you were the starting point of it all.”

Chay remembered what Kinn and Porsche had told him. About Kim being the first to bring the idea up, having Chay in his mind when suggesting it. He didn’t dare speak up and wanted Macau to get it all out of him, to yell and to punch him. Hopefully, it would be enough to move on.

“It isn’t all your fault, and I’m sure P’Kinn and P’Porsche have told you that. We all suck when it comes to communicating, but I’m going to be honest here. Knowing that you thought so low of us hurts. I know that all evidence led you to believe we are monsters, but there’s a difference between killing to survive in this world and selling innocent people like animals, Chay. For me, my brother and cousins, the worst insult you could throw at us is that we are like our fathers. Our biggest nightmare is turning out to be like them.”

That line hit deep for Chay, and he looked up to see a pained look in Macau’s face. Like he was reliving a traumatic experience or imagining the most horrible possible future. “That’s the worst thing one can do to us. One time, I think it was a little over a year ago, P’Pete and hia were having a big fight.”

Chay immediately nodded. He remembered what he called the frosty-four-days. Pete had moved into Porsche’s and Chay’s childhood home and had slept on the couch for this time. But any attempt of making Porsche’s best friend speak about what had happened hit deaf ears.

“They were fighting because P’Pete wasn’t happy about the chandeliers and the fanciness of the house. It’s much less extravagant than the tower, but P’Pete said that he was used to being a small bodyguard and didn’t like the attention he was getting now that he was hia’s equal. At some point during the argument, said that P’Pete would have to get used to it, because he was now part of the wealthy family. And… P’Pete said something he shouldn’t have.”

Chay could imagine what it was. “He said that he wasn’t some trophy wife for hia to parade around. If he wanted to be some rich asshole like our father, then hia would have to look for a different pet.” Macau shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “Hia couldn’t contain his anger and slapped P’Pete, who moved out for some nights. You see? P’Pete wasn’t even referring to my father’s cruelty or psychopathic temper. He simply said that hia’s way of spending money reminded him of my father. Money, Chay! And it was enough to nearly break them apart. So if you throw all of us under one hat and say that we are as bad as our fathers, it’s the cruellest thing to say. Heck, most of us have been shot or stabbed before, and that doesn’t hurt as much.”

Chay was sniffing and his hands shook without his command. He hadn’t known any of this. Sure, he knew that everybody dreaded Saturday Family Dinners in the tower, but the extend to which the cousins hated their fathers? Chay wondered if Kinn and Porsche were also just putting on a front when they were consoling him in the corn field and in the hay loft.

“I… I didn’t want that,” slipped out of him. He hadn’t considered the others’ feelings, and now that he knew he had to apologize for way more than he had anticipated, Chay doubted that they would forgive him.

Suddenly, he was being pulled forward and into a warm hug. It was tighter than the one Porsche had given him, and Macau was smaller than Chay’s brother, but it felt right. “I know, and like I said: you’re not the only one to blame. We should have told you about the plan. But you should really think before you act and stop running away whenever things get uncomfortable.”

They pulled apart and Chay nodded like a berated child. “I know, I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry too.” Chay didn’t know what Macau would have to apologize for but didn’t say anything. “But I know a way of how you can make it up to me.” Chay looked up and instantly nodded, ready to do anything for Macau. A slow smirk started forming on the Theerapanyakul’s face. “Well, for starters, you can plan a road trip with me. I love it here, but we are not spending our entire vacations cleaning after the animals. I want to see some cities and not get kicked by some stupid cows that really hate me for no fucking reason!” He rubbed his side, where he had gotten nudged by one of the cows earlier.

Chay chuckled wetly, happy for the cheerful turn of events. Macau really knew how to lighten up the mood. “Elenore has recommended some nice spots around the country. We can do some day travelling and sleep in tents or come back here for the night. But we will have to work to stay. But if you are willing to become my friend again, I’ll even feed the cows for you.” Macau’s face dimmed, and for a split second, Chay wanted to slap himself. Shit, he had gone overboard, hadn’t he? How could he set an ultimatum of becoming friends so shortly after their rocky past?!

But when Macau spoke, Chay’s heart soared for a different reason. “Of course we’ll be friends again. I’ve never had one before.” It made Chay realize just how different their lives so far have been. Macau had grown up in a golden cage, with nobody around but his older brother who had been beaten by their father. Friendship used to be the last thing on Macau’s to-do list, way after surviving and not becoming like his father.

This time, it was Chay who pulled him into a hug, and they both silently sat there for a while, lost in their own thoughts.

Chapter Text

July 13^th - Bangkok –

Pete and Vegas had managed to arrange quite a few things in the few days that Kinn, Porsche and Kim had been gone. For starters, all the ‘collected’ criminals from the safehouse had been handed over to the Home Secretary, who in a press conference had sworn that it had been an ‘anonymous civilian with a sense of justice’ who was to be thanked for the arrests. Next, the couple had tracked down their remaining underground partners, some of which still worked for the family and some of which the Theerapanyakuls merely observed for the government. Korn had been dealt with as well. After they had managed to blackmail him into giving them the rest of his close associates’ contact addresses, he had been locked into his private rooms in a form of house arrest. No staff or bodyguards were permitted entrance, as per Kinn’s request, and the former patriarch couldn’t leave without any of his sons permitting it.

Kim hadn’t seen his father since their last conversation in his office, where he had lied about his mother still being alive. Right now, he was standing in front of the very same office, the heavy door being guarded by Chan as well as a state-of-the-art security system installed by Arm.

Kim had texted the head of security that he would enter the office and could hear the slight buzzing sound that signaled the door being opened. Kim sent an expressionless look at Chan, who kept his head forward and didn’t react to his gaze. On any other occasion, Kim would stop to admire and maybe question his father’s former head bodyguard for his professionalism. Chan hadn’t said anything when Kinn had assembled all staff members to inform them of his father’s temporary absence and that he would be in charge moving forward. Kim had observed the oldest guard very closely that day, but Chan hadn’t even moved a muscle when the news had reached him.

“Ah, I was wondering when you would come,” Kim heard his father’s voice and looked up. Korn Theerapanyakul was sitting in one of his low-back-rested armchairs in front of a game of chess whose figurines were scattered around the board, as if the game had been going on for a while. But it was only Kim’s father in the room, seemingly playing both players at the same time.

“Come join me, it’s much nicer to play against somebody with a different mind.” Wordlessly, Kim sat down in front of his father, who rearranged the figurines into their original position. Then, he moved one of the white pawns two fields forward and waited for his son to make his move.

They played in silence for a few turns before Korn finally started speaking. “Did you find Porchay?” Kim hummed and nodded once without looking up from the board. He was slowly starting to lose; had never been a great player. “And is he coming back?” “I don’t know, and I don’t care.” “Hmmm. Why not?” Kim decided that it didn’t hurt to indulge his father with an answer. Maybe this was even why he was here in the first place. To talk to a slightly impartial person. Korn hated Chay as much as he hated Kim and had no business lying to him anymore. His father had lost this game anyway.

“Because he lied and betrayed us.” “But you did the same, didn’t you?” “It’s not the same. You know why I did it.” “I don’t know, Kimhan. I have my assumptions, but I could be wrong.” He moved his queen and took Kim’s black bishop, which he took into his hand and inspected very closely without saying a word.

“The black bishop,” Kim started, and his father looked up to lock eyes with him. “Yes?” “You wrote a text to Chay in which you wrote about two bishops.” Korn nodded. “How does it feel knowing that you were wrong?” Korn tilted his head. “Wrong? How was I wrong? I told you what I wanted to do with this. I asked Chay to leave, to show you how wrong he is for you. He left the game, like I said. He betrayed you, like you just admitted. I don’t think I was wrong with the story at all. And now,” he placed the black bishop next to the other black figurines that he had collected in front of him, “you are finally seeing how wrong you were to love him.” Korn leaned forward. “I don’t think I was wrong.”

Kim leaned back and crossed his legs at the ankles underneath the table. “Yeah, but he didn’t just leave the game like you anticipated. He finished the game and beat you.” “No, he didn’t. I admit, things have not gone the way I thought they would. And… one has to admit defeat when one has to do so. But in the end, I was right about Chay. He left you.”

Kim looked at the game. “Yeah, he did. But I’m not back on your side.” When his father had written the story for Chay, he had portrayed himself as the black king who fought next to the black bishop, while Chay was the white bishop. In the game right now, Kim remained the black beaten bishop, but Korn was the white king. He kept changing the rules however he saw fit.

“In the story you wrote, the black king advised the white bishop to leave the game, right?” “Yes. The white bishop wasn’t fit for this fight, and so he jumped off the board to flee the war and the black bishop.” Kim nodded and took the black bishop that his father had beaten a few moves ago. “Well, thanks to you, the black bishop is off the board as well. Even if you have won a part of the battle, the war is over.” With that, he pocketed the figurine and stood up, leaving his father behind in front of the unfinished game. Kim knew it wasn’t worth keeping playing. The white king had won anyway.

“Kimhan, wait!” He heard his father’s voice behind him and turned around, tilting his chin upwards to urge him to speak quickly. “I know that you hate me. And that you think all of this is my fault. But you have to admit something. This whole things has proven you that love is a dangerous weapon that can destroy everybody. Even bishops and kings.” Kim was out of the room before his father could say anything else.

Kim didn’t look up from his desk which was overflowing with paperwork. He knew that Kinn and Porsche had come back a few minutes ago, but the singer didn’t want to see them. No thank you, he was very happy with the work that had piled up while he had been gone.

“You know we had to stay at the airport for nine hours?” He heard his middle brother’s judging voice behind him, but Kim didn’t stop signing the papers. “Because apparently, somebody had taken our jet and had flown home on his own?” Kim only let out a non-committed hum, and hoped his cold shoulder was enough of an indication that he didn’t want to speak to Kinn.

“Oh come on, Kim. What are you, five? I know you’re mad, but what should we have done, huh? Let you kill Chay out there? Speaking of which, it was highly irresponsible of you to stray from the plan.” Hah! The plan. Kinn really had the nerve to berate him for not telling them where Chay was going in the car after the café.

“You found us just in time, so what’s the big deal?” “The big deal?! The big deal is twofold, if you really want to know. First of all, you didn’t stick to what we had agreed on. You were supposed to tell us where you were going so that we could talk to Chay together. And second of all, you nearly fucking killed the guy! You don’t honestly think that I could let that happen to my boyfriend’s brother, do you?” Kim huffed and rolled his eyes, relying on the wall he had built around his heart to protect him. “Family doesn’t mean shit to us, so who gives a shit that he’s your so-to-say brother-in-law?”

He knew he sounded childish and had no business calling Kinn out for protecting Chay. Because he had done the exact same thing before: he had done everything to protect his brother, had spied on dangerous people and had (faked) a relationship with Chay, only to know that Kinn was safe and that the whole Tawan-situation wouldn’t repeat itself. So obviously he understood why Kinn would protect Chay from physical harm, even if it meant going against his own brother.

But Kim was done with the whole loyalty and until-death-do-us-part bullshit. In this world, it was everybody for themselves, and seeing Chay’s betrayal made him build up the walls around his heart and enforce it with poison ivy and electric fences. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again, and was furious that Kinn couldn’t see his point.

“Do you really think this is easy for us? For Porsche?! He is just as hurt as you are, maybe even more! His own brother hates him, and they used to have a great relationship. Not like ours. I am sure that if I betrayed you, you wouldn’t be half as surprised and hurt like Porsche has every right to be. He fucking cried on the entire flight back here! But instead of beating the shit our of Chay, he decided to put these feelings behind him to build a good relationship again! Because this was all some big misunderstanding on both parts!”

Kim resisted the little nudge in his head that wondered what Kinn might be meaning by that. “Of course we can be hurt by his decisions, but he didn’t really have any evidence that would have suggested we didn’t kill Praew! To him, it was obvious that we are the bad guys! And instead of deciding to stop for a second to listen to him explain himself – which he very well couldn’t, by the way –“ whatever the hell Kinn meant by that, “you punched him into the wall of that fucking shed, made his head and back blead and his jaw purple! When Tankhun told you to get in tune with your emotions more and stop acting like a robot all the time, I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean to disregard all common sense and punch your way through to your goal.”

Kim jumped up and turned around, resisting the urge to grab his gun and shoot a warning shot past his brother’s head. But the custom tapestry was too expensive to be damaged. So he opted for the next best thing and pointed his pen at Kinn. “Don’t you fucking speak about emotions, okay? You were the one who started all of this!”

Kinn looked at him like Kim had three heads. “Excuse me?! How the fuck is it my fault that your boyfriend betrayed us and you hit him?! I think I don’t belong in that equation?!” Kim usually didn’t have outbursts. He was the silent type, and rarely resorted to raising his voice. Yelling was more Tankhun’s way of dealing with anger. But right now, Kim started shouting at Kinn, who was shocked at seeing his little brother’s tantrum.

“YES YOU DO! BECAUSE YOU ARE THE REASON HE IS EVEN IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY! IF YOU HADN’T THOUGHT WITH YOUR DICK AND DROOL FOR PORSCHE, I WOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO GET CLOSE TO THAT FUCKER!”

Silence filled the air and Kim could hear his own heavy breathing once he finished yelling. In the back of his head, a little voice tried to stop him from continuing, but he was far beyond rationality at this point.

“Don’t you see, kinn?! Love is the worst thing in the world for people like us! And we all thought that Chay was so innocent and pure! If he’s already capable of something like this, imagine what Porsche would be able to do!” Kinn’s eyes turned into little slits, and he puffed his chest out a little bit. If Kim had been calm enough, he would have been able to observe the protective stance that Kinn was moving into. His fists were forming on his sides, and he had some sort of tunnel vision that Kim was glad couldn’t kill him.

But Kim wasn’t thinking logically. He was so obsessive with his theory that he couldn’t think j straight. “What if Porsche is in on this, too?! Or what if he will betray you one day, just like Chay di-” he had been rambling on so much that he didn’t see the fist coming. One second, Kim was trying to convince his brother of Porsche’s evilness, and the next, he was laying on the expensive vinyl floor with his bigger, stronger, and taller brother on top of him, holding him down.

“You listen to me, Kimhan,” he whispered dangerously. “Don’t you fucking dare project your paranoia onto my boyfriend. Don’t you dare accuse him of something like this. Porsche has been with me through a lot, and I will not take any disrespect. Don’t forget that he’s the leader of the minor family, and. My. Boyfriend. And I care about my boyfriend. Not like you apparently, since you decided to nearly give yours a concussion because he didn’t start speaking quickly enough, when he was so traumatized that he couldn’t even get a word out without vomiting.”

“Kinn?! Kim!” The younger was sure that if they hadn’t been interrupted, Kinn would have kept hissing at him, but Porsche came to his rescue. Chay’s older brother stood in the doorway to Kim’s office with a bunch of papers in his hands, when he saw the Theerapanyakuls on the floor, both motionless, with Kim suppressing every urge to push Kinn off of him. His jaw was hurting like a bitch, but he refused to show how affected he was by this. Somehow, the punch didn’t hurt as much as Kinn’s blatant denial of Kim’s thoughts. He treated his fears like they didn’t matter.

Kinn looked at Porsche and got off his brother, moving across the rom to greet his boyfriend. “Nothing, don’t worry about it. What’s this?” He changed the topic and pointed at the files in his hands. Porsche sent one last unconvinced look at Kim, who was slowly getting up as well, before he said: “Pete just gave them to me. They’re our contacts oversees that aren’t falling under the legal business. Vegas recommended that we meet with them in a few days to establish dominance. He said that the Chinese branch is suspecting us to be behind the coup.”

Kinn nodded and hummed in thought. “I feared something like this would happen. The Chinese are very close with father and probably won’t take his retirement easy.” “Should I schedule a meeting with them? Maybe some sort of gala or other rich-people event?” Kinn smiled fondly at his boyfriend’s utter disgust at their lifestyle. “That would be great, babe. They are especially fond of our wine business in Italy, so maybe we can organize a wine convention or something.”

With these words and a little innocent peck, he sent Porsche outside again. Kim had kept his head down during the exchange and turned back around to his files that needed taking care of. “Kim?” came his brother’s voice that conveyed his want for peace and amicability. Kim changed the topic and said: “I’ll finish these files, but I won’t participate in your galas and fancy meetings.” He didn’t see Kinn’s face but knew how he must be looking: fond and a bit sad, probably, judging by the soft sigh he let out. “Okay. The public is probably already wondering where WIK is, anyway. Why don’t you take some time and get your own life in check as well? Get some distance from all of this before you come back?”

Kim clenched his fists around his pen. He hadn’t expected this. He would have sworn that Kinn would take the opportunity and ask Kim to come back for help. But in the end, he could think of a reason why Kinn was indirectly asking him to leave. He had just insulted Porsche in front of Kinn’s face. His older brother must be thinking that Kim would hurt Porsche out of paranoia or anger at Chay. Kim bit his lips before he shook himself out of it and simply answered: “If you say so.”   

Chapter Text

August 23^rd

“Seriously Chay, can you go any slower?!” “I’m going as fast as allowed!” “Yeah, but if you keep to the rules, then I won’t and I’mma shoot a bulled into your temple! So drive faster!” Chay rolled his eyes and pushed down the guilt when he exceeded the speed limit of the highway. Once the needle on the little wheel moved upwards and his tempo accelerated, Chay’s heart started beating faster and excitement took over. Filled with adrenaline, he floored the gas pedal and let out a loud “Wohooo!” shout, much to Macau’s amusement and pain.

They were on their way back from a national park, where they had camped for the past four nights. Armed with nothing but a tent and some groceries, the two young men had leased a car – thanks for Macau’s driver’s license – and had taken off. The time off had been wonderful until three hours ago, when Macau had injured his foot while dissembling the tent. He swore that the stone he had tripped over and twisted his ankle had been having a personal vendetta against him throughout their entire trip.

So Chay had to be the one to drive them back to the Sanders farm, and it was his first time behind the steering wheel. And so far, he had been doing pretty good, if he might say so himself. Macau had explained everything to him as best as he could, but when Chay had continued on to be a what Macau called a scaredy-cat, Chay’s best friend had rolled his eyes and had ordered him to get his ass in the car; he’d learn driving by doing it.

“We can just call an ambulance,” Chay had tried to argue, but Macau had eventually convinced him that it didn’t matter that they could afford calling the paramedics, because: “I’m not going to wait out here in the middle of nowhere for a fucking ambulance. You drive, basta!”

Thankfully, the streets were void of any cars and Chay had all the space in the world. At some point, he had also managed to blend out the thought that he was committing a crime by driving without a license. The past six weeks had been filled with moments like these: Macau and Chay reconnecting and becoming closer again, the Theerapanyakul trying to understand his view-point more, and Chay trusting the other, because according to him, “you got some major trust issues, Chay. I am telling you, you’re doing fine and no, we won’t die if you drive that car. Trust me a bit more.”

Chay knew that trust wasn’t the only problem, but it was a good starting point to tackle the bigger issue. He already knew that once back in Thailand, he would have to talk to some professional about his complicated family situation. But for now, talking to Macau had already been doing wonders. He sometimes still relapsed into being non-verbal, especially after disagreements, which happened quite regularly.

Not because he and Macau didn’t get along per se. In fact, their deep conversations had brought them much closer together. But over the past three or so weeks, Macau had lifted the “honeymoon era” or “protection phase”. Basically, he seemed to be over with Chay’s insecurities and had been starting to treat him normally and holding him responsible for certain things. For instance, when he had gotten a message from Porsche who had been worried why Chay wasn’t returning his texts, Macau had walked over to Chay and gave him a stern talking to, telling him to get over it and stop worrying about his brother.

“He and the others have been going through a lot to get your trust back, so it’s time for you to step up and do your part. I know that you’re worried and embarrassed about your mistakes, but sitting here and ignoring your brother won’t make it any better.” It might have sounded harsh, but it had come from a good place and actually had helped Chay a lot. He had started texing his brother again and had thanked him for sending them money for their trips, and in return got the recipe to his favorite food that Porsche sometimes cooked for him when he was a kid. Slowly but surely, talking to him on the phone had been good for Chay, and he sometimes tentatively asked about Kinn and the business. He had tried to be polite, still a bit scared of the genuinity of Kinn’s kindness to him, but Porsche had been reassuring him that when he sent his best wishes from his boyfriend, he really meant it.

They also talked about the business. In the beginning, it didn’t sit well with Chay, but Macau had pointed out that they would have to talk about the elephant in the room unless they wanted a repetition of last time. So one night, after a strenuous day out on the field, he had called his brother.

“Hi Chay?” Came the worried voice from Bangkok, clearly wondering why the younger was calling out of nowhere. “Hi hia, uh, did I wake you up?” “No, I’ve been awake for some time now and just had breakfast with Kinn.” “Oh, am I interrupting?” “No, don’t be silly.” A muffled voice in the background. “Kinn says hi.” “Thank you, tell him I said hi too.”

His throat suddenly closed up and he needed some time to remember why he was calling in the first place. Porsche seemed to understand that he was threatening of becoming non-verbal again and stayed quiet to not disturb Chay from focusing. “I… I was wondering,” the last syllable was hoarse and squeeky high, “what you are doing today.” “Oh. Me and Kinn are having a meeting in an hour and then just work stuff.”

Work stuff had become a vague phrase for Chay. He never knew what fell under the umbrella term, and today, he was trying to figure out what it implied. “Can you… tell me what exactly it is?” Chay had prepared himself for the worst. ‘Oh, just killing some people who owe us a bit of money’ was what he would have expected a few weeks ago. But now that he wanted to find out more about the business, he would have to build a thick skin.

It seemed like Porsche was somewhat stunned by the question, but at the same time, had expected it to come up at some point. “Uuuh, we are having problems with a contact that we have kept after dealing with Korn. The… they used to work for us and handled a few casinos, but they are skeptical about Korn’s retirement.” Chay cleared his throat. Casinos. That wasn’t too bad, was it? “Why… why are they skeptical?”

“They are suspecting us to be behind the mass arrests and are keeping an eye on us.” Chay nodded, something that Porsche couldn’t see since they weren’t face timing, and after a few seconds of thinking, asked: “and why are you not handing them to the police? If they’re a threat to you?” He didn’t know if he had overstepped a line. He hadn’t contributed a single bit to the family business, and now here he was giving his own brother advice on what to do?! But thankfully, Porsche seemed to be only relieved at Chay’s handling of the situation, and explained: “We need to keep some contacts to remain powerful, and the casinos are one of the most legal parts of the business that still has connections to the underground. If we got rid of them, the Theerapanyakul name wouldn’t mean anything in the illegal part of society, and we have a contract with the Home Secretary to be under his protection from the law if we give him and the police useful information every now and then.”

Chay hummed in acknowledgement and tried to understand the strategy his brother was explaining to him. “So you’re double crossing them?” “Not the police, no. The casino owners neither, unless we find out they work with other illegal businesses. In that case, we would intervene.” “Okay. And… what is the meeting for?” “We have to send someone into one of the casinos undercover to find out if they are really loyal or not.”

Chay’s throat closed up once again and he only pressed out: “loyal?” In his head, he associated different things with the word, but what came into his mind instantly was what he had seen in so many mafia movies. Macau had made him watch The Godfather once, and loyalty seemed to be a big thing in the community. If you weren’t loyal, brutal things would happen to you and your family. Like the debt collectors had beaten him and Porsche when in reality, it had been their uncle Arthee to gamble away their money. If you weren’t loyal, you would get shot, maimed, have to watch someone torture your family or send threatening messages of various kinds to your home.

Porsche immediately heard the implied question in Chay’s shocked voice and was quick to answer: “No, we don’t do them any harm Chay. We… we used to, I’m not going to lie. But nowadays, we either send them to the police or get them back onto our side. The undercover mission today isn’t dangerous for anybody. We’re suspecting a minor problem, not a big rebellion forming.”

Chay took a deep breath and tried to calm down. When he looked up, he saw Macau standing in the doorway, looking at him in worry. Chay sent him a helpless and desperate look and his best friend walked over, taking the phone from him. “Hey P’Porsche?... Yes, I know… No, don’t worry, he’s fine, just a bit shaken… No you didn’t do anything wrong, he asked you and you were honest… No, I didn’t. He wanted to ask you himself… Yes I will… Okay, good luck, tell hia I said hi.”

After that, Macau hung up the phone and hugged a shaking Chay. This phone call had been very important, for all of them, and Chay needed some time to get used to it. He didn’t even know what it was that he was feeling. Relief from knowing that they weren’t killing anybody? Fear because somebody would go undercover and potentially got hurt? Self-concious because he needed time to process it all, including the fact that he had caused so much trouble?

That call had been a few weeks ago, and since then, Chay’s relation with his brother had improved. He sometimes asked for updates on the business, and Porsche was happy to be honest about everything, only occasionally leaving out some bloodly details that Chay didn’t need to know. The youngest was well aware of the fact that they were still, in fact, mafia. And that they had to keep their reputation. But knowing that they were only harming people that were much worse then them helped Chay to come to terms with everything.

“How’s your foot?” “Annoyed that you keep driving into every single pothole. This isn’t Pokémon, Chay, you don’t have to ca- UFF!! -catch them all.” He whimpered when Chay accidentally dipped into a pothole in the asphalt once again. “Sorry, ir’s not my fault the street is in such bad condition.” “It’s okay, we’re almost there anyway,” Macau pressed through his teeth and looked forward to seeing the Sanders farm in the far distance.

Marc closely inspected Macau’s foot and offered him to drive him to the hospital, but the young man waved it off and said that an ice pack would be more than okay. “I’m not made out of sugar,” he said cooly and Chay rolled his eyes. Just a few minutes ago, he had been complaining about his pain for the entire street to hear, but now he was already doing much better lounging on the Sanders’ couch in the living room with some frozen peas on his ankle.

Chay was upstairs, putting their backpacks away when he heard a few voices from downstairs and a bit of commotion when the dogs barked. He figured that it was Elenore coming back inside, but Marc’s voice echoed upstairs when he yelled: “Chay? Macau? You got a visitor!”

Furrowing his brows, the young man got up from where he was sorting their dirty laundry, and walked back downstairs, wondering what Marc could mean by that. He had just called Porsche four days ago, before they had started their little camping trip. Porsche had wished him a fun time and they had chatted about the recent expanding of the hotel industry that the family was financially supporting.

In the remote wilderness, Chay’s phone hadn’t had any connection, so he had warned Porsche that if he wasn’t responding to any texts over the next four days, he wouldn’t get worried. His phone was still in the unpacked backpack when Chay went downstairs, so he couldn’t check if Porsche had indeed worried about him. But why would he fly back to Canada? If Chay remembered correctly, he had a few galas to attend over the week.

He made his way down the stairs, fully expecting to see his brother. He wasn’t prepared for the sight unfolding in front of him. Standing in the middle of the living room, looking down at Macau, who was sitting up straight with a worried look on his face, stood a person dressed entirely in black feathers like a grim reaper or a deadly angel. The person looked up at Chay who stood frozen on the bottom of the stair case. The youngest had never seen such a serious expression on the older’s face. He had always been cheerful and supportive, with a few tantrums and outbursts here and there. But right now, Tankhun Theerapanyakul was anything but cheerful and supportive when he pointed his black-polished finger at Chay and said with a stern voice:

“You. You need to get your shit together and come home right now.”

Chapter Text

August 23^rd

Chay’s heart was beating so fast he could nearly feel it jump out of his body. He couldn’t move or speak and had to take in the sight in front of him. Tankhun, ever so sweet and lovable Tankhun, the first person in the family that he had called phi, started to slowly make his way over to where Chay was standing on the second to last stair. He had never seen the older wear black. Sure, a few accents here and there, maybe a big headpiece whenever he felt overly dramatic, but this? No, Chay had never seen him in a floor-length skirt and mesh turtleneck top with feathers adorning every hem and delicate placements near the pectoral area.

“Did I stutter, Porchay?” came the hissed question filled with so much venom that it made Chay tense up even further, if that was even possible. Tankhun had never used his full name. “Phi, don’t,” Macau pleaded from the couch and wanted to get up to step between his cousin and his best friend, but Tankhun merely lifted a dismissive hand without looking away from Chay.

“I don’t care what you are doing here. I don’t give a flying piece of shit about your problems and your embarrassment. The fact that you think you can sit here, go on little road trips, and enjoy your summer break with all the money you want from your brother, while mine is feeling miserable, is not something that I’m going to tolerate. So you two have ten minutes to gather all of your stuff and say goodbye to that lovely family, because you won’t come back here until you fixed the mess you caused.”

With that, Tankhun whirled around and walked straight to the front door which Pol – who Chay hadn’t noticed until now – was thankfully quick enough to open. Chay knew that Tankhun resented violence, but he was sure that he would have broken the bodyguard’s arm if he hadn’t moved quickly enough.

The living room was quiet except for Chay’s frantic breathing and ringing ears. Tankhun had spoken so quietly and pained as if it had been a herculean task to stay in control of his emotions. “Chay?” Macau finally got up and limped over, the iced peas forgotten on the couch, “we… we should probably go.” Chay looked at his best friend’s eyes and saw something that he hadn’t expected. He saw… worry and fear.

Chay tried to push the name down that Tankhun hadn’t even said. while mine is feeling miserable. One of his brothers. And one didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to know which one Tankhun had talked about. Everything in Chay wanted to recoil and turn away. He didn’t want to think about Kim! The name brought up so many emotions that his eyes started misting up while he was grabbing all of his belongings, which wasn’t much, only the suitcase and carry-on backpack from the flight. Neither he nor Macau talked while packing.

Looking back, he doesn’t remember much of saying good-bye to the Sanders. He walked over into the barn where they were all busy cleaning the enclosure, and let Macau do most of the talking. He vaguely heard something about a sick family member and a medical emergency back home. Chay was hugged by Marc and Elenore, and he was sure that Jacob suppressed a few tears when he heard that he would be leaving. Lilly was too young to fully understand what was going on, but when she heard her brother cry, she too started to sniffle.

On the way to the car in front of which Pol was holding the door open for them, Chay looked back one last time and waved with an empty look on his face. He then saw a little black blob with fur that gleamed reddish in the light standing next to Jacob, and his heart ached to hear the faint purr that was sometimes disguised as a growl one more time. “Chay?” he heard Pol’s timidly pleading voice and got the implied message: if he didn’t get into the car immediately, Tankhun would do something none of them were even able to imagine.

They drove silently for a few minutes, with Pol behind the steering wheel and Tankhun in the passenger seat. Macau sat behind his cousin and Chay was left behind the driver. He would have done anything to switch with his best friend, because now, Tankhun could turn sideways and look at him. Macau was left in the oldest’s blind spot.

No music was playing, a stark contrast to how Chay and Macau had spent their road trips. Two things came into Chay’s mind: one – they had forgotten the leased car at the farm. Hopefully Marc and Elenore wouldn’t mind bringing it back to the dealership. He made a mental note to send them the money they would have to pay. Two – he had been on road trips, having fun while Kim was apparently miserable enough for Tankhun to forgo his self-induced quarantine in the tower and get out to get him. The guilt that he had somewhat successfully pushed down over the past few weeks came back with standing ovation.

“Go faster, Pol,” Tankhun said with a grim look and the driver was smart enough to not point out the fact that he was already exceeding the speed limit. Chay wondered if Tankhun was here alone, or if other guards and maybe their brothers were waiting for them at the airport.  His eyes widened at the realization: Tankhun was probably alone because Kinn and Porsche were needed at home. Maybe Kim wasn’t just miserable but also hurt! Maybe they had to lock him in because he had gone insane and Kinn had ordered his older brother to get Chay so that they could talk! Maybe – and that thought was a hard pill to swallow – maybe Kim had ordered them to get Chay so that he could kill him. It was obvious that Tankhun was in a state of mind where he would do anything for his baby brother, even use Chay as bait to get Kim back. Maybe that’s why Kinn and Porsche weren’t here. Porsche wouldn’t let him kill his brother, so Tankhun and Kim had to do it in secret!

Before Chay could hyperventilate, Tankhun spoke up: “I am willing to forgo the betrayal and the lack of trust, Porchay. Frankly, this family is shit at communicating and you are not the only one to blame for the miscommunication. But you will fix this.” Chay didn’t react, although his instincts told him to frantically nod his head in submission and devotion.

“Phi?” Came Macau’s tentative voice, “what’s going on?” Apparently, the question was asked too soon, as Tankhun whipped around in his seat and stared at Chay with angry eyes while talking to Macau. “What is going on is the fact that your best friend here fucked up what little trust my brother had left. He won’t eat, speak, talk, and yesterday, he didn’t return my calls.”

Chay’s heart sank without him wanting it to, but Macau tried to be positive. “Maybe he is just busy and needs to focus?” “Don’t you fucking dare downplay my worries, Macau. I know Kim.” The first time the name was said out loud in over six weeks, and Chay visibly flinched. Tankhun started speaking directly to Chay. “I should have come whoop your ass the second that you didn’t come back home with our brothers.” Bless Macau, for he was trying to smoothen the vibe and defend Chay.

“Phi, we wanted Chay to stay back until everything has calmed down enough. Everybody needed time to come to terms with everything and they are all busy wi-“ “Good. But that time is over now,” Tankhun said before turning back around and looking at the road ahead.

“Please keep the seats in an upright position and don’t unfasten your seatbelts until the signs turn off.” The soft, gentle female voice was somewhat a perfect representation of Chay’s inner state. Trying to pretend like everything was fine and they weren’t up to getting themselves in a dangerous situation that could potentially kill them all. But while the flight attendant has her perfect smile down to a tee and they were about to take off in a high-security private jet, Chay was sitting in front of one of the most furious men he was ever crossed.

He didn’t even register take-off and stared at his feet, always keeping an eye on the black boots that peaked out of the bottom of the skirt. He wouldn’t dare look Tankhun in the eyes but had to somewhat keep track of his motions.

“Khun Tankhun, Khun Porchay, Khun Macau, can I bring you any refreshments?” The soft-spoken stewardess in her perfect burgundy trousers had come back and stood with a tray, placed some nuts and amuse-bouches on the table in front of Chay and Tankhun. Pol and Macau were sitting on the other side of the little walking path in the middle of the cabin.

“A frozen strawberry daiquiri for me and a water, pen and notebook for Porchay,” came the cold voice and Chay was sure the stewardess nearly fainted at the frostiness. She had probably never flown with the oldest of the cousins. Most likely, she had only tended to Kinn’s professionalism and Vegas’ ridiculous wine demands on a long business flight, and maybe she had accompanied Kim once in a while whenever he had been roped back into working for his father. But Tankhun hardly left the tower, and the last and only time that Chay knew he had left the country was almost a year and a half ago, when he had come to Norway to bring peace to the family.

Chay noticed a pattern here. The oldest tended to love drama, but somehow always stayed outside of the family’s emotions unless they were all too incompetent to handle things themselves. Tankhun preferred watching over participating in the mess, and the fact that this was now the second time he had felt the need to intervene because of Chay made the youngest curl up in guilt. The whole reason why he and Kim had even gotten back together was the singer’s oldest brother! Had Tankhun not lied about Chay’s transplant not working, Kim wouldn’t have come see him to tell him he loved him, and without Tankhun’s help, Chay wouldn’t have managed to get Kim to acknowledge their mutual feelings.

That’s why he didn’t protest when the stewardess came back with the demanded items and Tankhun said while taking his pink daiquiri: “I heard that you’re having trouble speaking sometimes, so writing will have to do.” He placed the glass down. “You probably know more details of why my brother is feeling miserable, so I will leave you to do this yourself. We’re going back home and you are going to talk to him and work things out.”

Chay only listened and shyly nodded, but Macau leaned over from the side and protested: “But phi, Chay doesn’t speak well enough yet when he’s under pressure! Can’t you see that you’re not doing him any favor by cornering him?” Tankhun looked Chay up and down before saying: “I know my fair share of trauma, and I’m the last person to deny the gravity of it. But if you can’t speak to Kim,” he pointed at the notebook, “then you’re going to write it all down. Either way, he deserves an apology and a fucking good explanation.”

“But Kim wasn’t completely innocent, either! He punched Chay before he could even expla-” “Kinn told me about that, and yes, that’s not an excuse for Kim. But be honest here Macau, do you really blame him?! Imagine your boyfriend thought that you’re a heartless killer and decides to turn you in.” “Well, I don’t know that from a boyfriend’s perspective, but don’t talk to me like I don’t know how it feels to be betrayed! Chay is my best friend! Of course it felt horrible!”

Chay doubted that it could have been any more horrible than the position he was in right now:  Ten thousand feet in the air with no escape route, crammed into a little metal bird with a handful of crew members and Pol, sitting between to cousins that were fighting and talking about him like he wasn’t even there. Yeah, that felt truly awful.

“Good, so I don’t have to tell you what Kim is going through.” “No, you really don’t. And yes, Chay knows that he jumped to conclusions too quickly, but Kim is partly at fault, too! If he wanted things to become better, he should have come forward and talked to Chay instead of moping around by himself all the time! I did the same for a few days until P’Pete kicked my ass and told me to fucking talk about things with Chay! Like P’Kinn said, all the evidence pointed at us being the bad guys. So why are you blaming all of this on him when Kim could have made the first step, too? Maybe apologize for nearly breaking Chay’s spine?!”

Tankhun didn’t look too fazed at his cousin’s outburst and leaned back in his chair. “I’m not going to argue with you on that. We both know how emotionally constipated this family is, so you and I shouldn’t really expect any of us being easy with coming forward and making the first step.” He looked at Chay once again. “I don’t care if in the end, you’re getting back together or not. Because frankly, he deserves only the best. Kim deserves everything, and if I am not one hundred percent sure that you can give him that, then I will not stand and watch my brother’s heart get broken over and over again. But no matter the outcome of your relationship; by the time you’re done talking to my brother, he better stop feeling like his world is crashing down. And since you only got one shot, I suggest you start planning that conversation.”

For the rest of the flight, nobody talked and Chay was left alone with the notebook, a pen, and a glass of water.

Chapter Text

August 24^th

Standing in front of the tower felt so wrong to Chay that he would have loved to turn around and run away once again. But the masses of bodyguards had already seen him and he doubted Tankhun would let him get away. In addition to that, the thought of Kim being in whatever state of mind icked him so much that he forced himself to set one foot in front of the other. Standing in the foyer, he noticed how little had changed since he had left. The marble floor was still there, the impressive statues decorating each of the corners and some even standing free in the middle of the room. What had changed was the look that some people sent to him.

There was a wide range of emotions he saw on their faces. Mostly confusion and worry, also some professional ones and a few disgusted faces here and there. But most of them seemed to be shocked to see the group entering the tower. “Khun Tankhun!” a guard started running towards them and was so shocked that he momentarily forgot to bow, “I… we were all wondering where you were! Khun Kinn and Khun Porsche were so worried!”

Tankhun kept walking and talked while making his way over to the elevators, Chay and Macau close behind. “I left them a note which I’m sure they have found.” “Yes, bu-“ “That would be all, thank you. I will talk to them myself. Porchay? Macau?”

So one of Chay’s hunches had been true: Kinn and Porsche hadn’t known that Tankhun had brought him back from Canada. But his other thought – about the older bringing him to Kim so that he could beat his frustration out – was apparently wrong, given the fact that they weren’t on their way to his ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Chay should be relieved, but instead he felt goosebumps when he witnessed Tankhun’s icy behavior to the guard. He had never seen him like this. Sure, the flamboyant first-born loved to torture his employees, but he never used words or trated them like shit. He preferred to be creative and treated the guards as his friends and occasional play-things. But this? This is a behavior that Chay had only heard of, and never about the oldest, but about Vegas, Kinn, and Kim, when the three were in a particular bad mood.

By the time they reached the floor with Kinn’s and Porsche’s offices, the news of their arrival had spread, and the two leaders stood in front of the elevator shaft with bewhildered faces. “Chay!” Porsche shouted and went to hug his little brother, seemingly not noticing his scared state of mind. He couldn’t even press out a ‘hi hia’ with Tankhun present. The oldest had scared him far too much to be comfortable speaking.

“Khun, with all due respect, what the fuck?” Porsche ended the embrace and the Kittisawasd brothers looked at Kinn who was holding a piece of paper in front of Tankhun’s face. “I’m taking Pol, we’ll be back in two days? What the fuck is this?!” Then, the leader seemed to read the frosty expression on his bolder brother’s face, the fear and embarresment in Chay’s and Macau’s unusual seriousness. Kinn’s eyes widened in shock and Chay could feel Porsche’s hand tighten on his shoulder.

“You didn’t,” Chay’s brother hissed in pure fury and Tankhun held his head up high. “Yes I did, deal with it. It’s for the best anyway.” “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! You forced him back here?! Just because of your paranoia?” “Paranoia?!” Tankhun yelled and got closer to Porsche, scaring Chay who fled next to Macau in a quick move. “Kim isn’t answering my texts and locked himself in his apartment for days! He could be starving himself to death for all we know!”

“That’s on him!” Porsche countered. “If he’s deciding to be moody and not see the bigger picture, then he can do that!” “You can’t seriously say that! Yes, he punched Chay, but that’s no reason to let him be miserable forever!” “He’s a fucking singer and a moody young brat! Being emo is basically his whole personality! Of course we should do something about it, but there’re bigger things at stake right now!”

“Like what?!” Tankhun shrieked. “Business?! Renovating the fucking infirmary?! Sending Porchay money so that he can have fun and get drunk every night when he’s the reason for all of this?!” This time, Macau was quicker than his cousin. “We weren’t drinking and only having fun! Sure, we went on roadtrips and enjoyed ourselves, but you know that this was only to reconnect and to get Chay to the point of being comfortable enough to come back on his own terms!”

“Well fuck you all, because who knows how long we would have waited until he’s ready! Because Kim is dying!” Chay’s heart shattered at the last sentence; he let out an audible gasp and his knees gave in. Luckily, Macau stood close enough to stabilize him. It got the attention of Kinn, who hadn’t said anything in a while and who quickly got in between the group with peacefully raised hands.

“Okay, that’s enough! All of you. Khun, I know you’re worried about Kim, but stop scaring Chay. He’s not dying,” he said the last part directly at Chay, “and I’m sure we can figure something out. You’re right,” he admitted when he noticed that Tankhun wanted to protest, “that he isn’t doing great and has been closing off too much, but we will get there in due time. Now that Chay is here anyway, there’s no need to fight about his return anymore, got it? It was wrong of you to force him back here and scare him like that, I told you how anxious he has been.”

Kinn took a deep breath and looked at his wrist before nodding curtly. “Okay. Not that I know you aren’t dead or lost,” he said with a pointed glare in his older brother’s direction, “I’m going to get going back to work and finish the job with Vegas. He’s been cranky about my backing out ever since we found the fucking note.”

With that, he handed Tankhun the piece of paper with more force than necessary, gave Porsche a quick peck on the lips and said to Macau and Chay: “I gotta get going, but I’m happy you’re back. Porsche will help you with getting settled. I think I might make it until tonight, so maybe we can have a peaceful dinner together and talk things over civilly.” Again, the last part was said in Tankhun’s direction before he got into the elevator and pressed the button to get to the armory.

Chay didn’t really notice Tankkhun storming off with loud footsteps, he was busy getting hugged by his brother again, who murmured that he was sorry for what Tankhun had done and he would talk to him. Chay pressed his lips together and squeezed Porsche back. Truth be told, he didn’t really blame Tankhun that much. Sure, in the first moment, he had bee scared and had felt like he was being kidnapped, but most part of the flight had been spent with him closely looking at the oldest and noticing the worried look on his face and the occasional sniffles and reddened nose. He was only worried about his baby brother. And of course, whatever Kim was feeling right now was totally Chay’s fault.

He shouldn’t have felt so scared of coming back. Chay lowered his head and resisted the urge to pinch himself as a light punishment. Once again, he had chosen the easiest route: spending time with Macau under the disguise of reconnecting, enjoying his summer and ignoring the uncomfortable foreseeable future of having to face his problems back in Thailand. He had completely disregarded the others’ feelings – well, Kim’s at least. But Chay had been sure that the older would be fine. Sure, he had every right to be angry and hurt, but in the end, Chay had figured that the singer would move on and get back to his life. He hadn’t thought about the possibility that Chay had done something far worse than breaking up with him in the worst possible way.

“Hia?” he asked tentatively, finally able to speak again not that he was solely surrounded by people he trusted, “what is going on with Kim?” Porsche sighed and rubbed his arms. “He’s locked himself in his apartment. We thought that he was writing songs and getting back to being WIK, but when we talked to his manager, she said that Kim hadn’t ended his hiatus yet.” “Hiatus?” “Uh, yeah, we needed Kim to get business back on track now that we have taken over. And when Kinn and I came back from Canada, he fought with Kinn about something, I don’t really know what. But when I asked Kinn, he told me that Kim would be taking a break from being in the family business to calm down again.”

Chay furrowed his brows and thought about what to do. He didn’t really come up with a good solution. “So you haven’t seen him since?” “No, personally not. He used to let Tankhun in, but over the past week, Kim has been keeping the door shut.” Chay’s heart started beating faster. What if something horrible had happened?! What if Kim had… had… no, that can’t be true. Maybe someone had kidna- “Chay, you’re spiralling again,” came his best friend’s calm voice that pulled Chay out of his head. During their time in Canada, the two had figured out a little system of what to do when Chay got stuck in his head or has an anxious episode. It usually happened after a fight or an especially haunting night when he thought about his huge betrayal. In these moments, Macau would lay a comforting and heavy hand on his shoulder and press between his shoulder blades, instructing Chay to take two deep inhales before exhaling once.

He was doing the same right now. “In, in, out. In, in, out. Good. In, in, out.” After a while, Chay’s head cleared and he could see again, his eyes immediately finding his older brother. “Wha-” “Don’t worry Chay, he is fine. We know that he’s alive and in his apartment. He’s just not coming out. But he’s safe.” Chay took a deep breath and closed his eyes, willing the doubt down. I can trust hia, he repeated his mantra that he had established over the past few weeks.

“If you want to talk to him, you can, but… I think it would be better if you got settled first, okay?” Chay nodded and hummed. He really needed some time to stomach the prospect of seeing Kim. If he let him talk, that was. “Uh, so to be honest, I didn’t really think you’d be coming back already. Your apartment is… it’s still a mess.” Chay tilted his head. What mess? He had left it complete inconspicuous when he had left, and Macau had come to Canada straight from his summer program in Chicago. Then it dawned on him. Of course they would have turned every stone to look for clues. Hadn’t Porsche or Kinn said that they had found him through the letter from Korn?

“What about this,” Porsche tried to cheer them up, “you go back to our old house and stay there until we got the apartment back into shape?” The two best friends nodded and got ready to grab their suitcases and make their way down again. Chay was lost in his thoughts and tried to focus on Macau’s and Porsche’s conversation to distract himself of the image of Kim in his giant luxusious place.

“What job are my hia and P’Kinn doing?” Chay could feel Porsche’s eyes on him for a second and he only shrugged. He was too numb to really care about any bloody details that were bound to follow. “So… yeah. We found out that our hunch on one of the casino branches has been correct. They’re using them to… do something that this family doesn’t stand for anymore.” “Why didn’t you alert the police? Isn’t that the route that you’re taking from now on?” “Usually, yes,” Porsche said and the elevator dinged when they arrived at the ground floor, “but Kinn decided that it would be best to gather physical evidence. So far, we only have spoken proof, but if we have something tangible, it is going to make the process much easier, and we can stay out of it. Vegas and Kinn are going to the hotel where the casino is located to check if they can find a secure way of gathering intel.”

If standing in the tower was a weird feeling, being in his old home was overwhelming for Chay. He stood in the middle of the living room area and breathed in the smell of home and happiness. He saw the couch on which he and Kim had cuddled, looked at the cabinet with the weird hinge that always made a sound which gave Chay away whenever he tried to steal some candy, and he laid eyes on the TV which had the worst sound quality but which Porsche and Chay had been too sentimental to throw out.

The house looked almost just like when Chay had left it, with a few minor changes. Porsche’s jacket was slung over the back of the couch, there was a bowl of apples on the squeaky cabinet, and the TV remote was laying on one of the armchairs. It was minor changes, as if Chay hadn’t been gone at all. He wouldn’t have even noticed them if it weren’t for the fact that his last stay in the house had branded itself into his head, because he had thought he would never set foot inside again. Chay already hated the idea of walking past his brother’s home office, where the idea of leaving for good had been taking shape. He just really hoped that the three boxes filled with files weren’t there anymore.

“Chay? Do you want something to eat?” He murmured a quiet “Yes, please”, because although he didn’t think he could stomach much, he knew that he would have to eat at least something. He had to stay healthy and strong, unlike Kim was probably at the moment, if Tankhun were to be believed. Somehow, Chay had hoped that Porsche would deny the oldest’s statements and wave them off for being over-dramatic and petty. But when Chay had looked in his brother’s eyes, he had seen the little worry for Chay’s ex-boyfriend as well.

The three of them ate in relative silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Chay saw that Porsche looked tired and worn-out from work. Through their phone calls, the younger had gathered a bit of knowledge on what was going on in the business, and he was aware of the bureaucracy and difficulty of their task. Macau seemed to sense the looks that his best friend directed at his brother, and excused himself for bed pretty early, leaving Chay alone with his brother.

Suddenly, the silence became laden and Chay tensed up. Now or never, he thought and cleared his throat. “Hia, now that it’s just the two of us, I’d like to apologize to you specifically.” His breath started to become labored and choppy, indicating his body’s reluctance of speaking. He saw that Porsche opened his mouth but fearing that he would protest, Chay raised his hand and asked him to let him continue.

“We both know that you’ve been far too nice to me with all of this, and I… I keep asking you for honesty, so please don’t spare me from your feelings.” He had to rush through the final part and gasp for air when he was done. Damn, he really couldn’t handle uncomfortable conversations ever since the shooting. Chay was somehow intrigued and fascinated by his PTSD, but more than anything, it started to annoy him in moments like this.

Porsche put his cutlery down and folded his hands together on the table between them with a sigh. “This is… really difficult, Chay. Not the telling you part, but… coming to terms with everything. Knowing that you were willing to give up everything once again,” he didn’t say out loud what they were both thinking of, meaning his escape to Norway, “… I don’t understand how you could do that. When we found out that you were gone, we were all…” he blinked and thought for a fitting word, “shocked. It was different than last time. This time, I was denying everything and didn’t want to accept the truth. It took Kinn quite some time to convince me and to calm me down. I think I still took it better than Kim, but that’s beside the point. What matters is how we are going forward with this. What happened, happened, and we should have all communicated better. Like I said, we should have told you about this huge upcoming change, and you should have told us about Praew.”

Porsche looked him deep in the eyes and said: “what hurts the most is the fact that you didn’t come to me. I know,” he quickly added when he read Chay’s mind, “that you were convinced we were all tied to this. And in a way, you were right. But… I’ve been going over the story over and over again.” He holds up four fingers and ticks them off with every sentence. “First you find Praew in the alleyway and she says Kim’s name. Then you go home, and Korn is doing whatever to you and he gives you the idea to leave. Next, you check the files and find out that the Theerapanyakuls are working with Thun Khun and other horrible businesses, and your last step is to leave for good with the scans and a few pairs of underwear.”

Chay pressed his lips together. Yes, that’s exactly what had happened. “I see that from point three forward, you lost your trust in me. What I don’t understand,” Porsche says with emphasis, “is why you didn’t come to me straight after step one. At that point, you only knew about Kim being there, and that was also not entirely confirmed.” “It was,” Chay says quietly and pulls his sweater paws over his fists. “I… I found out that he had lied to me and wasn’t in Japan anymore.” He remembered the tweets and pictures of his ex-boyfriend shortly before and after the shooting in the alleyway.

“Okay, so you knew that Praew had said the truth about him. But still, why didn’t you come to me? For all you knew, it could have been a solo trip from Kim, something completely unrelated to the family and to me. I know it’s hypocritical of me to point this out to you, because you also believed your boyfriend, but I’m your brother, Chay. How could you not stop for a single second to even consider talking to me?”

Chay’s eyes welled up with tears and his ears turned red from the heat he felt rising up trying to keep his composure. It would have been… not perfect, but so, so, so much better than how it had turned out in the end. Had Chay confined with Porsche, the older would have told him the truth straightaway.

“And even if Kim had killed Praew and I hadn’t known about it: you should know that I would have done everything to make you feel safe. I would have gone through this with you, Chay.” This sentence was what made the tears spill over. Porsche just told Chay that he would have helped him bring the family down if he had been with Chay; if they both hadn’t been in on the plan if they had both witnessed Praew’s presumed death.

“I’m not blaming your morals, Chay. It took me some time to think about it, but we both know how much you value rules and laws.” That was true. Between the two of them, Porsche had always been the aloof one and the younger had taken the part that appreciated routines and strict orders. “So of course you wouldn’t let her death be unpunished. But did you really think that my morals were so different from yours?!”

Porsche didn’t yell, but his voice carried an urgency and desperation that made Chay feel worse than being screamed at. He took a deep breath and answered honestly: “I thought that… that your time in the family had made you immune to morals.” He gestured his arms around to make his stumbling words more cohesive. “After we came back from Norway, you have tried your best to becoming a better brother again, and you really were, hia.” That was true. Porsche had done everything in his might to make sure that Chay would never feel neglected again.

“But I thought that… being around these kinds of people had changed your morals. Not because of the money or because you love P’Kinn, but because of the normalcy of things like death and torture around here.” Chay quickly added: “I like P’Kinn and even though P’Tankhun was scary today, I know he’s a good person. But I am not involved in the mafia lifestyle enough to evaluate their morals and what they find disturbing. P’Kinn said that there was a line of what was unacceptable to him, and that sex trafficking fell there. Macau told me about a story of how P’Vegas has tortured somebody so much that it had crossed a line for him, too. How was I supposed to know if sex trafficking was not normal for them? And… I figured that you have spent so much time with them that you had started to think so, too.”

Porsche’s eyebrows drew together in pained exasperation. “But you wanted us to keep you out of it all. We purposely didn’t talk about sex trafficking and torture around you. Because that’s what you wanted.”

“I know, and… I know that you were only respecting my wishes. Looking at it now, it was wrong of me to ask you to leave me out of the family talks.” “No, you were completely right about not wanting to have anything to do with the mafia. I am glad that you wanted to be out, it’s a luxury that I didn’t have until we came up with our plan.” “But still, being left out of your life made me unaware of what you were going through. I… I could have understood you better and wouldn’t have thought that you were becoming a monster.”

That final word made Porsche flinch, as if the mere thought of Chay thinking of him that way hurt him like being thrown into a tank filled with ice cubes. “I’m sorry,” Chay repeated. “I guess that… hearing Praew say Kim’s name and having Khun Korn talk to me was enough to brainwash me into throwing all caution over bord. I started to blame the entire family for it, including you.” “Yeah, but that’s exactly the point Chay. I don’t want you to see me as part of the mafia. To many people, I’m just the head of the minor family or Kinn’s boyfriend. But for you, I’m not supposed to be that. I’m supposed to be your brother before anything else. Your brother who you can trust and who loves you. We’ve been through so much together, I basically raised you, made sure you always had food on the table and got shady jobs to afford your education. I know it’s shitty of me to throw this at you right now, but you should have at least taken a second to think about all of this before making a judgement on my character. Because I’ve been doing these things for you over many years, and they should show my morals better than a fucking job that I have been having for a year and a half that I am not very good at and don’t particularly like in the first place.”

Chay hadn’t really thought that this would be Porsche’s main concern. He had imagined that his brother would be mad at him for not talking to him, but the fact that the issue lied with Chay associating Porsche with the name Theerapanyakul instead of Kittisawasd hadn’t been the issue that Chay would have bet his cards on. Of course the fact that Porsche had done so much for Chay only added on to the already existing guilt.

“I don’t see you as P’Kinn’s boyfriend or merely as the head of the minor family, hia. I am so sorry for making you feel like I don’t appreciate your sacrifice for me.” It really scared him to know that a tiny lapse of his judgement could have ended his brother’s life. Only because he had momentarily forgotten how good of a person Porsche was. “I know that we’ve been getting closer since Norway, and I thought that it was already back to being how it used to be. I thought that I had come to terms with your job, but seeing the files in your office scared me so much and it made me feel like the hia I used to know didn’t exist anymore. I know that’s not an excuse, but I hope it explaines why I-“

Just as Chay wanted to continue his sentence and apology, they heard a clearing of a throat from the staircase. Turning to the side, Porsche and Chay saw Macau standing there, dressed in his pajamas while holding his phone in his hand. His face was grim and serious. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but your apology will have to wait.” “What’s wrong?” asked Porsche, worried at Macau’s tone. “Your phone is on silent, so hia called me. He said that there was a problem at the hotel and that P’Kinn got shot in the leg. We have to go to the tower.”

Chapter Text

August 24^th

Ever since Chay had come back from Norway and had started renewing his relationship with his brother, Porsche had insisted on having grown up by a lot since he had taken the job next to Kinn. When Chay had once expressed his worry for Porsche’s safety, he had answered: “I am so much more mature now, Chay, this job really requires people to keep their cool and be untouchable in dangerous situations, so don’t worry about me, I’m doing fine.”

Well, truth be told, Chay was really glad that Macau was driving the car right now. Because when the youngest peaked around the passanger seat, he could see Porsche’s leg bouncing and his fingernails being bitten raw while looking forward at the street and yapping at Macau to “Hurry up, this isn’t a marathon, it’s a fucking sprint!” So much for keeping their cool and being untouchable, Chay thought. But he didn’t blame Porsche when he himself had almost had a heart attack when Tankhun told him that Kim wasn’t doing well.

It only took them twelve minutes to reach the tower, but it didn’t seem to be fast enough for Porsche, who jumped out of the car before Macau had even turned the engine off. The two best friends followed the flash that was Porsche Kittisawasd, leading them down the stairs and into the infirmary.

“WHERE IS HE?!” bellowed Porsche without stopping his sprint, and Chay could see Dr. Uhm peeking out of one of the surgery rooms. Once the old man had seen Porsche, his gaze shifted and Chay locked eyes with his former employer, and he stopped dead in his tracks. He hadn’t really thought about this. Sure, he had somewhat known that he would have to face Dr. Uhm at one point, but his mind had been too preoccupied with Kim that he had completely disregarded the fact that there was somebody working at the infirmary who Chay had admired more than anyone else.

Dr. Uhm now fully stepped out of the room and their eye contact broke when Porsche nearly walked into the doctor. “Where is Ki-” “Khun Porsche, calm down please. He isn’t he-” “WHAT?!” “-re yet,” Dr. Uhm said with a patient but stern voice. Khun Vegas talked to me on the phone, they’re on their way and should be here any minute now. Don’t worry, from what I’ve heard it’s nothing major, and I have instructed them on first aid. Now if you could please take a seat or grab a drink? I’m preparing for the surgery.”

Surgery? Chay thought. That meant that the bullet was still insi- “Chay?” His eyes widened when Dr. Uhm addressed him directly with no audible hatred or anger. The young man straightened his posture and looked at his former employer expectantly. “Your vacation is over, I need your help.” Chay sincerely doubted that Dr. Uhm needed assistance with retrieving a bullet from a non-fatal injury, but Chay immediately started to move forward and into the operating room. Just like the foyer and his childhood home, he got a strange feeling being back there. But similar to the house, the primary emotion was happiness and relaxation.

“Now, we’re renovating the infirmary,” Dr Uhm started while preparing some syringes, “and the scrubs and gloves are now under the sink. Disinfect your hands and cover your hair. And on your way back, bring a size nine scalpel.” Chay couldn’t believe his ears and wanted to cry, but he figured that there were more important things to do at the moment.   

It wasn’t long until the two cousins arrived. Through the long corridor, one could hear their bickering from far away. “Move your fucking elbow, you’re drilling a crater into my stomach!” “Stop whining, I’m the injured one.” “Which you wouldn’t be if you had just listened to my fucking pl- AAAH! STOP THAT! I’mma drop you for real and you can walk the rest!” “You were the one insisting on carrying me!” “If your boyfriend saw you walking on an injured foot, he’d kill me!” “Ungrateful brat, I saved your life out there.” “Stop the hero talk, it wasn’t that bad.” “Okay, can you maybe not hold me like I’m a damsel in distress?! It’s just a little wou-” “Can you shut the fuck up for once, Kinn?!”

Hearing their voices getting closer, Chay stepped out of the room and tilted his head while suppressing a giggle. The sight of Vegas bowing under the weight of his cousin was a hilarious sight to see. Vegas’s face was red, maybe because of his frustration, maybe because of his bigger, heavier cousin in his arms, or maybe because of the long distance they had walked. Kinn didn't look much less comical, with his annoyed expression and rolling eyes. His demeanor resembled that of a disgruntled samoyed, and he had his arms crossed in front of him, forcing Vegas to completely balance the both of them. Next to the couple were a bunch of bodyguards who were frantically trying to pry the oldest out of Vegas’s arms, but the man in white only grumbled and turned away whenever someone came too close to Kinn.

When he saw the group standing there, and Porsche sprinting forward, Vegas put on an exasperated face and started to complain: “It was all his fault, he should have listened to me.” “Your plan was stupid and wouldn’t have worked anyway!” Deciding that there was no point arguing with Kinn, Vegas unceremoniously dumped his cousin on the hospital bed. “Here, he’s your problem now. I’m going to go wash up.” With that, he walked away without sparing one last look at Kinn. But on his way out, Vegas locked eyes with Chay for a second, which nearly sent the youngest into cardiac arrest. If Tankhun had already behaved like a psychopath, how would Vegas react to seeing him? If he knew one thing about Macau’s older brother, then it was that he was madly protective of his family, even Kinn, in spite of his previous actions. And knowing that Chay had endangered Pete could have unspeakable consequences for him.

But Vegas surprised Chay by nodding towards the bed and saying: “Don’t overdo it with the pain killers, he deserves to suffer for his stupidity.” Then, he left the room completely, leaving Chay in a daze until: “Chay? Come here and help me stop the bleeding.” Shaking himself out of his stupor and overthinking the double meaning of Vegas’s sentence, Chay turned around and grabbed some gauzes and towels.

For a second, Chay was alone with Kinn, because Dr. Uhm had to nearly wrestle Porsche outside, and Macau had left with Vegas. In the few seconds with Porsche’s boyfriend, Chay murmured: “Are you okay?” Kinn smiled and waved it off. “Don’t worry, it’s not too bad… it’s good to see you back in your scrubs.” Chay looked up and saw Kinn’s encouraging smile and couldn’t help but smile back.

“Okay,” he heard Dr. Uhm from behind him, “now show me that you didn’t forget everything I taught you. What do you do first?” And with that, Chay was back to being Dr. Uhm’s apprentice and cut the bullet out of Kinn’s thigh.

Surgery didn’t take very long, and Dr. Uhm was very happy with Chay’s stitches, saying that they looked far better than his own used to when he was in university. Somehow, the thought of going back to becoming a doctor didn’t seem too far-fetched now, and Chay was elated with how good things have been going. Sans for Tankhun of course, who he would still have to talk to. But urgent matters needed urgent taking care of, and so making up would have to wait in favor of Kinn’s surgery.

Chay was in the middle of washing his hands and putting the scalpels away when it happened. He and Dr. Uhm had agreed on sending Kinn into a wheelchair for the next few weeks, because the bullet had hit a major muscle and walking was off limits for now. So the heir was pouting and disagreeing while Dr. Uhm was outside getting the wheelchair ready, leaving Porsche, Chay, and Kinn alone. Everything was… good, considering the circumstances. Porsche was mothering his boyfriend, Kinn was out of danger, and Chay was wearing his old uniform. He had also had the important talk with brother that would allow them to move on. If it were up to him, he could go to sleep right now and review this day as good.

But that’s when it happened. Chay was using some disinfectant on the reusable equipment when he heard his voice. “Kinn? Are you o-?” Chay hissed when the scalpel that he had been washing cut his palm. In his shock, he had dropped it and it landed in the sink with a loud noise, gathering the attention of all people in the room. It felt like time had stopped and Chay’s intrusive thoughts were battling each other: Turn around or not, turn around or not? Pretend to be not here or deal with it? Turn around or not? See him or not? See hi-

To the others, it looked a bit different. To them, they heard Chay’s hiss and the cluttering of the scalpel, and within a split second, Chay’s head whipped around to look at the newcomer who was standing in the doorway, now also looking at Chay.

Noticing that he had impulsively decided to turn around, Chay questioned whether that had been a good decision. But in the end, he just had to see him. Had to see his hair, his eyes, his body. He had to make sure that what Tankhun had said wasn’t true. That he wasn’t starving himself to death. That he was fine.

Kim looked like he was crawling on his last energy reserves. Like he had just rolled out of bed, had put on a grey shirt, and immediately driven over to the tower. Chay saw his eyes. They were full of worry for his brother, but when he looked at Chay, they locked up and closed off. Chay could see the shock for a split second before they turned cold and distant. “I’ll talk to you later,” Kim said with a frosty voice and got ready to turn around and walk outside again, but Chay was quicker. He jumped forward and grabbed Kim’s shirt with his non-injured hand and pushed him back into the room and then bowed deeply and walking out.

Closing the door behind him, Chay could finally breathe for the first time since Kim had entered the room, and he inhaled shakily. This was not what he had imagined. In his head, their first meeting would be carefully planned by Chay. He would have his notes ready, and they would have both been prepared for th-

“GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF! I KNOW YOU NEEDED A BREAK, BUT WE NEED YOU HERE RIGHT NOW!” Chay stared at the door and moved a few steps back, as if the room itself could hurt him. That had been Kinn’s booming voice, most likely addressing his younger brother. Chay heard a bit of mixed mumbles from Porsche and Kim, but he could only make out his brother’s “Calm down, Kinn”. The rest of the conversation was too quiet for Chay to hear,

The door which he had stood next to suddenly opened and out walked Kim, still with his cold eyes that turned even colder when he nearly bumped into Chay. For a split second, the younger tried to open his mouth and say something, anything, but by the time he had inhaled, Kim had already marched past him and towards the staircase. Chay was left with nothing to do but watch his ex-boyfriend leave with his fists clenched on his sides. Kim looked rigid and fighting to stay in control, almost like that night in front of the shed when he had punched Chay.

“Chay?” Came Porsche’s voice behind him and he forced himself to turn around and hum a questioning “hm?” “Your hand,” his brother pointed and Chay looked down to see the blood in his palm. It looked worse than it was, mainly because his hands had been wet and the red liquid had mixed with the remaining water, making it seem like the wound was bigger than it actually was. “Oh, yeah. I’ll… I better clean that up,” Chay tried to sound nonchalant but even failed himself to believe it.

He went back to the sink and kept his head down, trying to forget the last three minutes. “Uh, Chay? You should know that… Kim has agreed to working with us again for a while, because of Kinn’s injury. He’ll go on the missions that Kinn can’t go to, but you should know that… that he’s going to be around for a bit.” Chay nodded while pressing his lips together. Maybe it was a good thing. Kim being around meant that he wouldn’t be locked in his apartment anymore, and he could distract himself. Maybe it would even give Chay the chance to talk to hi-

“And one more thing,” he heard Porsche’s hesitant voice. “Kim… he requested that you stay away from him.”

Chapter Text

September 5^th  

“So Chay, what has happened since our last meeting?” Chay sighed and fumbled with his hands that were laying in his lap. “Remember that talking about it only makes it better, never worse,” he heard the soft-spoken voice encourage him and finally, after a few seconds of composing himself, he started talking while still looking at his hands.

“I had dinner with my brother and P’Kinn yesterday. We… we watched a movie afterwards.” “That sounds nice, what movie did you watch?” “Uuuh, I… I don’t remember.” That was true. He hadn’t been in the right state-of-mind to focus on the plot. It might have been one of Kinn’s weird cliché romcoms that made Porsche roll his eyes and Chay’s heart ache. “Why don’t you remember?” Chay huffed and rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what reaction his next sentence would cause. “I was stuck in my head.”

“Hmmm,” came the slightly disappointed but well-masked humming sound, and Chay heard a pen clicking and then the sound of paper being written on. “And what was on your mind?” Chay shrugged, causing the man in front of him to change topics. “What did you talk about while dinner? Or watching the movie?” “My brother asked P’Kinn if he wanted a drink or some snacks. He hardly ever sat down and was fumbling over him.”

Chay vividly remembered Porsche’s behavior of the past two weeks, and it caused conflicting emotions in Chay. He mostly understood Porsche’s worry and need to cater to his boyfriend, but on the other hand, watching the two of them being lovey-dovey didn’t sit well with Chay. He never said anything though, knowing fully well that it would be selfish of him to ask the couple to please tone their domesticity down just because he himself wasn’t feeling well.

“Okay Chay, and did you try to make conversation with them?” Once again, Chay shrugged before admittingly shaking his head. “Why not?” Because I don’t deserve their attention after what I’ve done. Because I have caused enough trouble. Because P’Kim is still not talking to me, and it is all so very usele-

“Okay,” the man’s voice suddenly got a bit louder and successfully pulled Chay out of his head. “Then tell me, in an ideal world, what would you be doing right now?” Immediately, Chay’s mind was swamped with images and ideas that were so utopic that it completely overwhelmed him. Images upon images flashed up like spotlights and he tensed up.

“Tell me three things. Three things that you would like to do or have right now.” Instantly, Chay wanted to grab the little notebook to put his thoughts into writing, but the man snatched it away from him. “Remember our last session?” Chay pressed his lips together and nodded in defeat. Just three days ago, they had agreed to trying to only communicate verbally for the time being. Back then, it had seemed like a good idea to Chay, but right now, getting his voice to cooperate seemed like a herculean task.

“Three things, Chay, I know you know what they are.” He inhaled deeply and started speaking with a croaking voice. “I… want to visit Praew, cuddle Ngao, get Kim to speak to me again.” “Mhm,” the man said like he had been expecting some of that, even thought their last conversations had all revolved around his irrational fear of the family.

“Why do you want to visit Praew?” To get closure? Chay wasn’t even sure himself. Maybe to make sure that she was really alive and well, maybe to talk to her about her experiences. Maybe also to apologize to her. He didn’t really know. “It… it would be the right thing,” is what he settled on in the end. “That’s true, I’m sure she would love to meet the person that saved her life and wh-” “No,” Chay immediately interrupted. “I… I don’t want to be the hero to her. I… I don’t think I want her to see me.” “Why?” Chay shrugged once again. “I think you are nervous and scared, right? She was the person who changed your entire life, who nearly ripped you and your family apart, right? Perhaps you don’t want her to see you because you don’t feel strong?”

“Can we change the topic? Please?” Chay begged with an emotional voice and looked up for the first time. The man in front of him, dressed in a burgundy dress shirt and wearing slightly rounded glasses nodded in sympathy. “Now what about Ngao?” Chay had told the man snippets of the cat here and there, not going into detail but when he had asked how he had liked his time in Canada, the cat had been the first thing that had come to Chay’s mind.

“She likes me.” Even though she hissed and growled at everybody, including Chay, he just knew that they had a special bond. “I find it interesting that you are so sure of a cat’s love, but struggle to accept the fact that your own family and friends have forgiven you.” “Because I don’t deserve their forgiveness,” Chay stated with his gaze back on his hands. “What did we say about these thoughts?”

“That I am not supposed to decide for the people around me what to feel,” Chay gave in and repeated what the man had told him at the end of their very first session two weeks ago. “That’s right. And if your friends and family have decided to forgive you, you have to accept that.” “Yes, Dr.”

“And what about Kim?” The name made Chay feel like he was being thrown into cold water like a stone that was sinking. The first impact hurt, and the fall was quick, but after he recovered from hearing the three letters that made up the singer’s name, the sinking started to slow down with the pressure of the water resisting his downward movement.

“What about him?” Chay tried to evade the question, almost stubbornly. But the man had already noticed the pattern of Chay’s thoughts. Whenever the name was being brought up, his body would momentarily tense up and he would sometimes snappishly answer, sometimes completely ignoring the question that was being asked.

Until now, the man had accepted this reaction, but today, his patience seemed to have reached a low, and he confronted Chay very forwardly: “Why do you want him to talk to you?” Finally, Chay looked up and stared at the doctor. “I messed up. And I have to apologize. But every time I do as much as exist in his presence, he just runs away!”

“Well, have you thought of what he might be going through?” “Of course I have! That’s why I need to talk to him!” “I think you should come to terms with your own emotions before confronting him, don’t you agree?”

 “But just a minute ago, you told me to accept peoples’ decisions and feelings! Following that logic, I should let Kim ignore me and not apologize at all! Because he made it very clear he doesn’t want to talk to me! Do you know what happens every time we walked past each other in the tower? He practically runs away! I’m sure he even plans his trips to the tower in a way that minimizes our paths crossing! I even tried to send him a message, asking for a meeting! I even wrote an apology on a piece of paper that I wanted to give to him! I always carry it around, just in case he decides to give me a chance! But when we see each other, he didn’t as much as look at it! Every time I try to talk to him or want to yell at him to turn around, my throat closes up and I can’t get a word out! He always looks like I’m the worst person alive, and that fucking hurts! I just…” within a split second, Chay’s frustrated yelling ceased and morphed into a mental breakdown with tears streaming down his face at rapid speed. His voice faltered and when he forced himself to finish his sentence, it was but a whispered whimped. “I just want him to be happy and talk to me. I don’t want him to hate me.”

The man let him cry it all out. Not saying anything and just sitting in his chair, he observed Chay, who curled in on himself and placed his elbows on his knees to burrow his face in his hands. After a while, the sobs ceased and whilst handing Chay a tissue to dry his cheeks, the man started speaking in his regular soft-spoken, well-meaning, professional therapeutic voice.

“When I said that you should accept peoples’ decisions and feelings, you seemed to have misunderstood me. You are supposed to accept the fact that their emotions are valid, just like your own are. But I don’t think that you should let Kim go just because of that. Accepting each other’s decisions is right as long as no party gets harmed in the progress. And right now, neither you nor Kim are doing well, according to you. So yes, you should talk to him sooner or later, but in my professional opinion, having witnessed many patients with similar issues, I suggest you two figure yourselves out individually before talking things out.”

“So I should stay away from him?” Chay didn’t think if he could do that. He needed to be around Kim. Just the tiny snippets in the hallways were enough for him. They kept him alive, even if in the most brutal way ever. Whenever he caught a glimpse of Kim’s stoic, handsome face, smelled a hint of his discreet cologne hat lingered in the corridors or heard his voice from around the corner, Chay felt like he had a purpose left in life. But give up completely on seeing Kim?

“No, you have every right to be in that tower as he does. Being around him is a good thing, as it gives both of you the chance to get used to each other’s presence.” “But at what point can I try to talk to him again?” The man smiled sadly. “I’m afraid there is no concrete answer to that question. Whenever you both are ready, I suppose. You have to trust him, and he has to trust you. And since Kim had asked you to stay away from him, you should gain his trust by respecting his wishes until you have both figured out what you want and need.” “But how am I supposed to know if he’s ready?”

“You will know. Hasn’t the situation been reversed last time? Didn’t he chase you down from Norway?” Chay nodded, not knowing what point the man wanted to prove here. “Well, you said that after noticing that forcing you won’t get you anywhere, Kim decided to give you space?” Chay thought back to their time in Norway, before he had agreed to getting the transplant. Kim had shown up at the cabin, asking him to come back home. “What did he do when he tried to bring you back home and his forceful speaking didn’t work?”

“Don’t touch me! What is wrong?!” Kim only stared at him in disbelief. “What is wrong? Chay, you were gone! Fucking left without telling me! Or even leaving a note! It’s so dangerous out here in the co-” Chay straightened up and pointed his finger. “Shut up right there Kim. For the last time. I. Don’t. Owe. You. Anything. I rented this cabin. I am an adult, and if I want to go for a walk, then I will go on a fucking walk. It doesn’t matter if it is the longest walk in the history of walks, or the most dangerous one, because I. Don’t. Owe. You. Anything .”

Chay remembered what had happened after that. With an empty look on his face, he quietly replied: “He stayed around. He… he let me do whatever I wanted and stayed close by all the time.” Kim had started taking a different approach and let Chay being for a while before starting to slowly get closer again. The blindfolded dinner, working at the pharmacy, walking the husky Buddy – all of this had been done after Kim had realized that Chay had closed off.

“See?” The man asked with a satisfied face, glad that Chay was seeing his point, “in the end, leaving you completely wouldn’t have been the best choice.” Chay then thought back at the time shortly after Christmas: he had just agreed to getting the transplant and had flown back to Bangkok with Porsche and the others, leaving Kim behind who only showed up six weeks later, when Tankhun had lied to him about Chay slowly dying. Back then, all that Chay had wanted was for Kim to come home again, for them to talk, to end their fight.

He couldn’t believe how similar the situations were right now, only completely reversed. Kim had become Chay – he said that he didn’t want to have anything to do with his ex-boyfriend, but if the situation was anything like last time, Chay would be stupid if he completely backed off like Kim had done after the transplant. No. The time that had been best for their reconciliation had been the time when Chay had stopped being mad at Kim; in the cabin, where Kim had given him space and had yet made sure that Chay knew his intentions.

Suddenly, everything was clear to him. He would stop seeking the older out and instead respect his wishes to a certain point.

“How was the session?” That was unusual. Porsche never asked about the therapy sessions unless he got a memo from the doctor saying that Chay had ‘homework’. Chay had agreed with the therapist to give his brother certain information in circumstances when Chay knew he wouldn’t finish his tasks himself. Sometimes, he needed a helpful little push, and outside of therapy, that came from Porsche.

“I didn’t get any homework?” he said with a questioning and confused intonation. The first time the therapist had done the memo thing for Porsche had been after their third session, when Chay had been tasked with talking to his brother that night for an hour about their feelings and fears. Chay, completely mortified and weirded-out hadn’t known how to approach the topic and had gone to bed without speaking to his brother. When the next session had come around and the therapist had asked about their conversation, Chay had folded after a pitiful attempt of a lie and had admitted that he hadn’t talked to him.

“Are you sure? Or should I ask in a few hours?” Porsche didn’t sound annoyed or belittling, only curious and supportive. Chay seriously didn’t deserve him. “I really don’t know what you mean. Unless I have missed something, I don’t have any homework.” “Oh, okay,” Porsche let it go with a frown on his face, leading Chay to ask: “What did he tell you?” Porsche promptly pulled his phone out of his pocket and showed it to his brother. The messenger app was opened and showed a little text:

Hello Porsche, tell Chay that he should think about his three wishes, especially the first two!!! Have a good evening.

Chay only muttered: “oh.” He hadn’t… hadn’t really expected that. He had thought that the three wishes had only been a prelude to the conversation about Kim, and Chay had already almost forgotten about the other two things he had talked about. “Did you forget?” asked Porsche and pocketed his phone again. “Uh, yeah, a bit. We talked about many things and this kind of slipped my mind.”

Bless Porsche’s brotherly instinct, for he didn’t press Chay to talk about it. Obviously, wishes were a highly personal thing, and the older wouldn’t want to pry, although his masking of his curiosity was very poor.

Porsche insisted on Chay not locking himself in his room all day long because of his anxiety or guilt. The older, in accordance with the therapist and Chay, had told the younger to go back to his normal life, whatever that could be. But since summer break wasn’t over yet and the internship wouldn’t start until the beginning of October, Chay didn’t really have much to do. Thankfully, Dr. Uhm always needed help down at the infirmary, and Chay went there almost on a daily basis.

Right now, he was helping his supervisor refilling the cupboards, while listening to some faint background music. “Dr. Uhm?” Chay couldn’t help his curiosity, “do you know the concrete diagnosis of… of Praew? The girl who-” he didn’t really know how involved and invested Dr. Uhm was in the story of the drama and was about to clarify who he was talking about, when the older answered with an easygoing voice: “Yes, Khun Kinn asked me to take a look at her once.” Chay’s mouth rounded in an o-shape. He hadn’t known this. To his knowledge, Praew had only been brought to the hospital where Dr. Seek, Tankhun’s boyfriend, worked at. He had thought that Dr. Uhm might have received some information through the vines or his connection with Dr. Seek.

“I’m sure you’ve already been told this, but you really saved her life with those compressions. She was very weak and was in the hospital until two weeks ago.” “Is she… I was told that she would make a full recovery, but… maybe from your professional opinion… you know?” He didnt find a good way of expressing his worrisome thoughts and weirdly undermined his brabbling with nonsensical, awkward gesturing of the arms. “Don’t worry, I am sure that she will do just fine. She’s out of danger and her wounds have healed very nicely.”

Chay wanted to ask the doctor if she had asked about Chay, if she remembered anything about that night, or if she had similar PTSD like he had. But he didn’t dare, fearing the answers. So they kept working mostly in silence, sans for a few times when a bodyguard or private chef entered the infirmary, asking for bandages or ice packs for their injuries.

By the time Chayy left the tower, it was already the evening and almost time for dinner, which he would have at his childhood home with Porsche and maybe Kinn, depending on how busy the oldest was. He walked out of the basement, where the infirmary was located, and stepped into the foyer to take in a deep lungful of air that didn’t smell of disinfectant and rubbing alcohol. Freshly out of his scrubs and latex gloves, Chay felt like a different person, almost invisible.

And when he saw the person rounding one of the corners and walking towards him, Chay really wished to be invisible. Couldn’t he have stayed in the infirmary for another five seconds?! But then he remembered the therapist’s advice: not intervene but be present. Accept his wishes so far as that nobody gets hurt. Let them grow individually before healing together.

And so Chay decided to be the bigger man and deal with the uncomfortable feeling of restricting himself from falling to Kim’s knees and beg for forgiveness. Whenever he had walked past Kim in the last two weeks – which happened a handful of times –, the older had always been completely furious with Chay who kept approaching him with a piece of paper in his hand or fidgeting his fingers like he was contemplating what to say. “And one more thing,” he heard Porsche’s hesitant voice. “Kim… he requested that you stay away from him.” Chay was done being hesitant. Hesitation wouldn’t bring him anywhere.

When Kim saw who he was walking towards, he stopped dead in his tracks, ready to turn around and walk back the same way he had come – the entrance of the building. But just before the older could take his eyes off of Chay, the younger stepped a step backwards himself and made an inviting gesture towards the elevators, signaling that the path was clear and that he wouldn’t come in between Kim and his destination.

This was a first, and Chay could see Kim’s confusion and conflict in his face before the singer settled for arrogance and a mask of self-confidence when he strutted past Chay without looking at him. Just a few days ago, Chay would have grasped the opportunity and made advances to apologize, never verbally, but with the piece of paper that he kept in his jeans pocket. This was the first time that Chay’s hand didn’t dart out to retrieve the apology letter. And the effect that the lack of action and sheer passivity had on Kim couldn’t be understated. It was almost as if Chay could see his thought process before he entered the elevator and punched a few buttons, never looking at Chay again.

The younger exhaled deeply and relaxed his tense fists. That had been harder than he had thought it would be, but in the end, the result – Kim’s acceptance of Chay being in the foyer – had been worth it. Maybe his therapist’s ideas and advice weren’t so bad after all?

This question stayed in Chay’s head for the rest of the day, until finally, he was having dinner with Porsche, Kinn, Macau, Vegas, and Pete, all of which had finished a phone conference with some police task force for organized crime. From what Chay had gathered from the conversation, they were all happy with the outcome, especially Vegas and Pete, who had yet to say anything negative to Chay, and beside Vegas’s short sentence in the infirmary two weeks ago, Chay hadn’t talked to either of them in private. But above everything, the couple looked happy, like a heavy weight had been lifted off their shoulders. When Chay had asked Macau about it, his best friend had simply answered that Vegas had been the one who had suffered under the mafia business the most, and now that they were partly out of the bloody stuff, he was finally breathing freely again.

“Chay? Your food is getting cold,” Kinn said with a hint of worry in his voice. The oldest was still sitting in his wheelchair but was expected to start using the crutches in a few days. Instead of heading to the implied question to eat, Chay put the spoon down and looked around the group, blurting out: “I would like to see Praew.”

Silence filled the air, and he was met with surprised looks, sans Porsche, who seemed like he finally understood what the doctor’s message had been about. “I mean…” Chay retreated, noticing that he might have sounded a bit rude, jumping the topic on them, “if that’s okay with you.”

Kinn looked bewildered. “Of course that’s okay with us. Why wouldn’t it?” Chay shrugged. “I… I don’t really know where to find her, though.” Was she still in the hospital? Was she still going in and out of comatose? How much did she remember of the fateful night?

“She’s back with her family,” Pete prompted, “but goes to physical therapy at the hospital three times per week. I’m sure that we can arrange a meeting.” Porsche nodded eagerly. “Of course we can! That’s no problem at all.”

Chapter Text

September 6^th

“Do you want me to come inside with you?” Porsche asked but Chay shook his head. He had to do this on his own. “Okay, I’ll stay around, take your time and come to the parking lot when you’re done.” “Okay, thanks hia,” Chay muttered with a shaking voice before slowly stepping out of the car and into the hospital, where a person he knew very well was already waiting for him.

“Hello Chay,” said Dr. Seek with his usual warm and cheerful voice, his cheeks slightly flushed and hair adorably askew. Somehow, having to talk to Tankhun’s boyfriend was almost as scary as seeing Praew, he thought. But if Dr. Seek thought of him as badly as his boyfriend did, then he didn’t show it on his face and instead asked Chay how he was doing. Chay decided to go with the flow and with a little crack in his voice answered that he was nervous.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” Chay nodded and reminded himself of the fact that he would only be watching from far away and didn’t have to interact with Praew. She didn’t even know that he was here, and Chay had instantly denied Porsche’s offer of arranging a meeting with the girl’s entire family. He didn’t want any attention. He only wanted to see her.

“The physical therapy center is on the fourth floor, I’ll bring you there.” “Oh, thank you, but I wouldn’t want to waste your time; I’m sure you have ma-” Dr. Seek waved him off and cheerfully said: “Don’t mention it, it’s my lunch break anyway. Plus, I love going to the physical therapy center.” “Really? Why?” Dr. Seek worked in general surgery and focused on ER trauma patients, not on physical therapy.

“Well, we doctors deal with a lot of pain and death, especially in the ER. And so it’s nice to see improvement and happiness every once in a while. Many ER doctors like going to the stations where we see more happy situations, like seeing a person walk again after months and months. Some also like to go to the labor and delivery station to look at the newborns and recharge their energy, but it tends to be too loud for me,” he laughed. “I’m sure that even in your short internship here, you’ll get to understand what I mean.”

Chay hadn’t expected the easiness with which that statement was being said. He had nearly forgotten about his internship that would start in less than a month’s time. How come that Dr. Seek was okay with Chay being here? Surely Tankhun would never agree to such a thing!

They arrived on the forth floor and walked along a very wide corridor, passing rooms and nooks in which patients of all ages and health statuses were moving in some ways: doing yoga, squeezing a soft ball in their hands, raising onto the tips of their toes, reaching for items that their doctors were showing them.

“Okay, are you ready?” They had stopped in front of a closed curtain and Chay knew what he would find behind it. He would see the girl who he had thought had died in his arms, now fully alive and recovering well from her nearly fatal injury. He took a deep breath and nodded, expecting Dr. Seek to pull the curtain aside just the slightest bit, so that Chay could peek behind it for a second or two. What happened however hadn’t been what Chay had anticipated at all. Dr. Seek grabbed the curtain and with one big swoosh, it swung to the side, making Chay jump slightly. He was standing behind the doctor and couldn’t see what the older was looking at, and for a millisecond, Chay contemplated whether it would be noticeable if he jumped to the side and behind the curtain again.

“Hello Praew, how are you doing with the exercises?” “Hello Dr. Seek!” came a voice so different and yet so familiar – it was high-pitched and cheerful, the complete opposite of the pained and weak whisper that Chay had heard over two months ago next to some dumpsters in the rain. If their previous conversation hadn’t branded itself into Chay’s head, he wouldn’t have recognized her. Too immersed in hearing her voice, Chay nearly missed the next part of her utterance.

“Dr. Lang said that I’m improving very well! But the bending motion is annoying.” Dr. Seek let out an empathic humming sound and to Chay’s shock, moved from his position in front of him to walk across the room, which now cleared for Chay’s view. It was a small private area with a standard hospital bunk and a small chair. What was missing was a computer or complicated machines. Instead, Chay could see some light therapeutic dumbbells, balls of various sizes and textures, and some elastic stretching bands in all colors of the rainbow.

But none of that caught Chay’s attention like the girl that was sitting on the edge of the bunk, holding a green ball the size of a basketball in her lap. Praew looked nothing like Chay remembered. He had only seen her twice – one in the alleyway and once on Kinn’s phone in the corn field. Both times, she had looked small and pale, with no strength left in her bones and no life in her eyes. This Praew was slightly different. She was still looking quite fragile, her muscles seemed to have reduced quite a bit while she had been in the hospital, and her eyes had dark circles under them, maybe from exhaustion or maybe from the medication.

But the spark in her eyes showed Chay that she was anything but dead. No. This was somebody who had looked death in the eye and was now fighting their way back into life, no matter what obstacles be put in their way. Praew had an aura of strength around her that Chay had never seen before, and although she had every right to be scared or terrified because of what had happened to her, the first thing that Chay saw was her big and honest smile that she sent to Dr. Seek.

“Don’t overdo it, you have to give your muscles some time to reconnect.” Praew nodded with a pout before she noticed the third person in the makeshift room. Chay’s heart nearly stopped when her gaze stopped at him and her smile dropped. First, she looked curious, probably as to why this weird dude was staring at her like she was the eighth wonder of the world, but then it morphed into something different.

“Praew, this is Chay, he’s our hospital intern and I am showing him around the stations.” So that was what Dr. Seek had planned, Chay thought in the back of his head that wasn’t preoccupied with understanding that he wasn’t staring at a ghost in front of him. Dr. Seek seemed to have thought that passively spying on Praew wasn’t good enough for Chay and so he had crafted a white lie to get the two closer together. But the doctor’s plan didn’t work.

Praew slowly, almost at a snail’s pace, got up from the hospital bed, mindlessly placing the green ball off her lap, all while not breaking eye contact with Chay. She then stepped two steps tiny forward, which still left quite a distance between them. Chay faintly noticed that her walk was not really balanced and that she had to support her weight on one of the bars of the bed. She was a bit smaller than Chay, but because she wasn’t standing completely straight due to her injury, they might have even been the same height. With a quiet, wondered voice, the girl said: “I know you.” Chay swallowed and didn’t dare speak up. “You were there.” She said it with such determination like there was absolutely no doubt in her statement, and if Chay had learned anything in the past few months, it was that honesty was a rich legacy. With that thought in mind, he abandoned Dr. Seek’s little lie and slowly nodded his head.

At some point, Dr. Seek had to leave them. Surely his lunch break had to end eventually, but Chay couldn’t for the life of him say how long the doctor had stayed around. Maybe he had left a minute ago. Maybe ten. Maybe he had left straight away after Praew had recognized Chay. Maybe he had left the room while the two young people were softly hugging each other with tears streaming down their faces. All that Chay knew was that when he and Praew stopped talking for a while and looked around, Dr. Seek wasn’t with them anymore and the privacy curtain had been pulled closed again.

How much time had passed since their meeting? Chay didn’t know. After Praew had told Chay that she knew his face, she had asked for his name in wonder, and after he had provided it, the girl had opened her arms and they had both wordlessly gravitated towards each other. Chay had been mindful of her fragile state and had barely touched her, but Praew had grasped onto his shoulders like a lifeline. They hadn’t talked much during the long embrace, only the occasional “thank you” had been whispered into the other’s hair.

Once they had pulled apart, they had sat down on the bed and started talking. Chay asked about Praew’s recovery, and she had asked him how he had found her and how he was doing now. “Why didn’t you come earlier?” she had asked, “I wanted to meet you so badly. Nobody could tell me who had found me, but my entire family wants to meet you and thank you.” Chay had blushed and fidgeted with his fingers, evading the truth by saying that he had been shy and had wanted to give Praew and her family some space before he introduced himself.

His answer had come quite choppy, and his speech pattern had been an obvious sign to Praew that her savior had some long-lasting damage from the situation behind the restaurant. So Chay begrudgingly told her about his selective mutism, saying that he had been in such a state of shock when he had found her body that speaking to strangers was something that he had to relearn with patience. This was the moment in which Praew had started to cry, pulling Chay into another long hug.

September 9^th

“So Chay, what happened in the last three days?” his therapist opened the session with his usual question, but unlike the previous times, Chay’s answer was less awkwardly said and he didn’t stare at his fidgeting fingers. What Chay didn’t know was that his therapist would attach the note ‘seemed happy and relieved’ in his file for the day’s meeting.

“I talked to Praew the day after our last session. You were right, it was a good idea.” “Yeah? How so?” “We talked a lot and shared our worries and problems with recovery. She said that we should both take our time and accept the healing progress. We also met yesterday once again and talked some more.” “That sounds wonderful,” the doctor said with a smile. “And how was speaking for you?” “Uh, I had some mishaps here and there, and it didn’t take her long to notice my speaking problem.” “And when exactly did you have trouble speaking verbally?”

Chay thought back to the uncomfortable moments during their conversation. The first time that it had happened had been when he had to speak about his trauma, and the time after that had been when Praew had asked him about his family situation. Chay had vowed to speak honestly, but he hadn’t wanted to admit everything.

“So how did your family react to it when you told them you found me?” Praew asked with her usual curious voice that sounded like she was far older than fourteen. Chay assumed that her traumatic experience had something to do with it.

“My family situation is… very complicated.” Praew’s eyes widened, and she retreated with gesturing arms: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” Chay waved it off. “No, no, it’s not like that… well, actually yes, but also no.” He noticed that he didn’t make much sense and exhaled deeply.

“Communication isn’t a very big thing in my family. We… we tend to jump to conclusions and do what we think is best for everyone, and we try to not be a burden. And…” he let his eyes wander around the room before continuing with a lump in his throat, “We had a big fight before that night, and they were… they were all very busy with work. I came home that night and was so angry at them. Completely irrationally though. I was mad because none of them asked me how I was doing or where I had been. But… it’s so normal for us to not speak to each other that me being away after an argument wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I just portrayed my shock and trauma onto them and didn’t tell them that I found you.”

He knew that he had lied and felt a bit guilty about it. But the more he thought about his story, the more he noticed that it wasn’t as much a lie as it was an allegory. A metaphor. The truth hidden behind some fancy bended words. Most of what he had said was true: they did have communication problems, they (or at least Chay) did tend to run whenever issues arise, and they all did do what they considered best for everyone.

Praew looked shocked. “You didn’t tell them? That must have been horrible for you!” Chay wasn’t expecting that. “So you had nobody to speak to? Not even your friends?” Chay shook his head and said that he had been too prideful and petty after their fight that he hadn’t wanted to admit that he needed help. “But they do know it now, right?” Praew said with a hopeful voice and Chay nodded. “Yeah, they found out by accident. I hadn’t wanted to tell them, but… I got a letter from the police for an eye-witness statement. My family found it.” “And how did they react?” Chay huffed a humorless laugh.

“Completely different from each other. Most of them were nice, too nice even. Said that my trauma was more important than withholding the truth from them.” Praew saw the mist in his eyes and after a second softly asked: “And the rest of them?”

Chay’s voice stopped working when the faces of Tankhun and Kim immerged in his head. It took him a few minutes to pull himself together and answer her question, murmuring that they were still working things out.  

“I… I think I still stutter, or my voice fails me when I have to talk about uncomfortable topics.” The therapist noted that statement and said: “That’s completely normal, and like you said, you should give yourself time to heal and credit for your already fast recovery.” “But is there a way of improving the talking process? It’s getting to my nerve.” The doctor pressed his lips together in a sympathetic smile and shrugged. “You did all of the logopedic tasks really well and like you said, it’s the uncomfortable situations which trouble you. So if you don’t want to wait any longer, my only advice for you is to seek out these uncomfortable situations – obviously only up to a point – and practice speaking like this.”

Chay furrowed his brows and contemplated for a while before nodding. “I think I know who I can talk to.”

Chapter Text

September 10^th

Kim was even grumpier and short-tempered than usual these days. Instead of simply ignoring the incompetent staff members that just couldn’t seem to get his schedule right, he outright snapped at the poor lay that had failed to tell him that he would have to attend a meeting with his brother later that afternoon.

Deep down, Kim knew exactly why today was even worse than usual: September tenth marked the day that his and Chay’s vacation in Norway would have come to an end. The younger’s summer break between the semesters lasted from the beginning of July until the end of September, and while he and Chay had agreed on staying all three months in Voss and the surrounding area, Kim had actually included a little surprise for his then boyfriend. Instead of three months, the would have stayed a little over two, and today, on September tenth, Kim would have asked Chay to say goodbye to their hosts, put on a blindfold and trust the older when they arrived at the airport.

Kim had organized everything: flight, hotel, restaurants, excursions. The email with the booking confirmation had been pinned ever since Kim had received it six months ago, but when he opened his emails this morning and the subject line: your booking information had stared back at him, Kim’s day had instantly worsened, much to the disadvantage of his staff members.

He would have been fine if Chay was still in Canada and he wouldn’t have to see him all the time. No matter how much he planned around it, Chay would always find a way to run into him. Their first encounter in the infirmary a little over two weeks ago had shocked and enraged Kim so much that the youngest was lucky he had been near Kinn and Porsche, or else his safety in Kim’s vicinity wouldn’t be guaranteed.

The fact that Kinn had asked him to come back to the tower, coincidentally correlating with Chay’s arrival, had been the last straw for the youngest Theerapanyakul brother.

August 24^th

Kim had just received a message from Vegas, telling him that his and Kinn’s meeting in the casino hadn’t gone well.

      Kinn’s shot, not bad, taking him to tower. Come over, need to talk abt plan

Their messages had always been short and to the point, but that didn’t help Kim’s fear when he read the first words. He had been granted his few weeks of break from the business – or like he liked to call it: his brother had put him into time-out and had sidelined him to become the pretty little pop-star because he was a potential danger to Porsche.

Kim wouldn’t lie: it hadn’t been great so far. Six weeks of day-drinking, smashing bottles against the wall and asking Chan for sparring session where he would let himself be beaten up on purpose – to summarize it all, Kim knew that he wasn’t in peak condition. And when his brother had blatantly ignored his fear that Porsche would do something similar to what Chay had done, he had gladly taken the time apart and let himself bath in self-pity. Tankhun had been the only person to understand him, at least in his very eccentric and flamboyant way, but when Kim had told him a few days ago about his conversation with Kinn and his theory about Porsche, even Tankhun had stomped out of his apartment, muttering something about having to tell Pol about organizing a little trip. It looked like even the oldest didn’t fully grasp his worries and fears, but Kim was still, even in his semi-present state, certain that he was right and that Kinn was wrong.  

However, seeing Vegas’ message still made him worry and he instantly jumped up to get his car keys. He had always worried about his brothers, especially ever since Tankhun’s kidnapping many, many years ago. Seeing either of them in pain was enough for Kim to drop whatever he was working on to rush to their help. Sadly, they didn’t seem to see that, judging from Kinn’s reaction to his advice about Porsche.

“Kinn? Are you o-?” His voice faltered when he heard a cluttering and hissing sound from the corner of the infirmary room, and when Kim whipped his head towards the souce of it, he froze. Chay looked like he used to in Canada – that being not as cheerful and carefree as before Kim’s trip to Japan. The permanent soft smile had been wiped off the younger’s face, and his eyes looked like they hadn’t been closed in days. Chay was wearing the same scrubs he used to back when they had been dating, and this image was what hurt Kim the most. He looked like he used to, like Kim was just arriving to pick Chay up from his shift with Dr. Uhm that he squeezed in throughout the semesters. Their date nights, always innocent as they had decided to take their time and bask in their first real relationship, had often taken place in this very room. Kim had brought his guitar and kept Chay company while the younger was filling out some files or sorting through some syringes.

Occasionally, he would call Kim forward to help him, and the couple would be reminded of the short time in Norway when they worked in the pharmacy together, side by side. They had even planned on spending some time in their vacation trip there, volunteering to reminiscent of their making up process that had started in the back of the pharmacy.

If Chay hadn’t betrayed him, they might have been standing there right now, side by side, working through some orders and making phone calls. But none of that would happen now. Kim’s face hardened at that thought and looked at his brother, who was sitting on a hospital bed with Porsche standing next to him, watching the silent looks Kim and Chay sent each other in a split second. “I’ll talk to you later,” Kim nearly growled and got ready to leave, only to be pulled back inside by the side of his shirt, which made him too stupefied to resist the touch.

Chay and he hadn’t touched in over two months, if one didn’t count the slap in Canada. Their last physical contact had been at the airport when Chay had placed a quick peck on his cheek, mindful of possible paparazzi. The kiss had spoken of longing because they wouldn’t see each other in over a month, love for his boyfriend, and excitement for their upcoming trip to Norway. Right now, the grab that Chay had on his shirt made the fabric bunch up a bit and a slivering skin-to-skin contact existed for the blink of an eye. It felt like panic and urgency, and Kim let himself be pulled back into the examination room. The last thing that he saw before Chay pushed the door close and locked himself outside was the deep polite bow.

“Kim? Hey, Kim?” he heard Porsche’s concerned voice and turned around with a glare. “You think that’s funny?” he pressed out through gritted teeth and changed between looking at the two. “Whose grant idea was that, huh?” “What? No, we didn’t. Chay came with us to help Dr. Uhm wi-” “That doesn’t matter, babe,” Kinn interrupted Porsche and looked at Kim with raised eyebrows, “he’s allowed to be here, so deal with it.” Kim’s jaw hurt from the pressure he put on his ppr teeth. As if it hadn’t been enough to humiliate him and putting him on the sidelines for mentioning his (valid!) concerns, Kinn had now decided to make a power-move and get Chay here to prove the point that he was superior to Kim?

“But if you really want to know, it was Tankhun who got him here. We had no idea,” Kinn added with a voice that was difficult to interpret, but it was enough for Kim. So it was true that not even Tankhun was on his side?! Was he really the only person with a sane mind?!

“But that doesn’t matter now, we need to talk about business,” his older brother continued like this was a completely normal fucking conversation. Like Kim hadn’t raced over to the tower in worry for his brother’s health. “We have a few field missions that are coming up, and I was planning on doing most of them with Vegas. But Dr. Uhm put me in a wheelchair for the next few weeks and then I have to use crutches, so obviously, I won’t be able to go,” he said with a sour expression and annoyed voice that explained his mood.

“Tankhun told us that you aren’t working on any WIK projects anyway, so if you don’t have anything planned, we would appreciate it if you could help us out while your brother is recovering,” Porsche got to the point with an honest, pleading smile while he was rubbing soothing circles on his boyfriend’s upped back who still looked like this bullet wound was the worst thing that could have happened to him.

“No,” Kim answered without an ounce of hesitation, shocking both of his conversation partners. “Oh,” Porsche said dejectedly, “okay, I’m sure that we ca-” “No,” Kinn interrupted him and crossed his arms while looking at Kim. “You are only sitting in your apartment all day long, waiting for something to happen. You aren’t even playing the guitar anymore and got back to smoking and drinking, Tankhun told us.” Tankhun that fucking traitor, Kim thought albeit knowing that his oldest brother was as much of a gossip as an auntie at teatime.

“No,” Kim repeated once again with an empty voice, “you said I should take a break from the business. What I do in that break is my own business.” His brother snapped. “GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF! I KNOW YOU NEEDED A BREAK, BUT WE NEED YOU HERE RIGHT NOW!”

“Kinn, don’t be so harsh, calm down,” Porsche muttered before saying to Kim, “what we mean is that we think you need something to do with yourse-” “Don’t play therapist,” Kim rolled his eyes, hating the practiced soft-spoken voice that Porsche always used to speak in back when Chay had been threatening to not get the life-saving transplant.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at him,” Kinn hissed and tried to push himself up and walk over to Kim, but Porsche pressed him down. But that didn’t stop Kinn from talking. “You show him some fucking respect, got it? He’s your elder and leader of the minor family,” he said with a poited glare, repeating his speech from a few weeks ago when they had returned from Canada and Kinn had tackled Kim to the ground.

“And while we’re on the topic of positions, I am the leader of the major family. And I hereby tell you that your break is over.” Porsche seemed to be shocked at that. Kinn had never played the leader card. He had always insisted on mutual agreement and honest discussions with his advisors and workers.

Kim forced himself to stand up straight like Chan had taught him back when he was a kid. “Your father is the head of the family,” he had said, “and you mustn’t disrespect him.” When Kim had gotten older, he had stopped listening to the strict regime and had openly announced his hatred towards the family, but right now, he got back into that perfect posture, maybe to even mock his brother a little bit.

“Yes,” he said obediently, “if you want, than I will do that. But only under one condition.” Porsche nodded before Kinn could even open his mouth. It looked like the Kittisawasd was visibly uncomfortable and was trying to smoothen the waves. “Of course, what is it?” “Chay has to stay away from me.”

September 10^th

Chay hadn’t stayed away from Kim. He had run into Kim on more occasions than statistically probable, especially with the older doing everything he could to avoid him, and twice, the youngest had outright seeked him out instead of a coincidental meeting in the hallway. When Kim had come to the tower for a debrief after dealing with the casino owners that had shot Kinn, Chay had waited in front of the briefing room with a yellow piece of paper neatly folded in his hands. As soon as Kim had left the room, he had almost jumped forward and tried to give it to him with wide, panicking eyes that reminded Kim of the night in front of the shed where he ha- no, don’t think about that!

 Other times, he had received a text message that asked him for a meeting, but Kim had ignored it and had vowed that as soon as the next message rolled around, he would block Chay’s number. Twice, Chay had sent a bodyguard over to Kim’s apartment, who had been tasked with asking Kim to please accept this piece of yellow paper. Both times, Kim had yelled at the guards that if they didn’t make themselves scarce, he would chop off both of their legs.

Today, on September 10^th, Kim was grumpy. No, grumpy wouldn’t be the best description, He was furious. He himself would say that it was because of the waste of money on their extensive trip that would have started today, but he wouldn’t admit that the trip was only part of the reason for his sour mood.

Because something else had changed. Something else related to his ex-boyfriend. Because as of five days ago, Chay had stopped looking for Kim. He wasn’t lurking around the corners anymore, didn’t sent messages, guards or invitations his way. Before five days ago, Kim’s mind had constantly been preoccupied with the possibility of running into Chay. He had put up a front whenever he got close to the tower, and sometimes even before there, since Chay had once even waited for him in the parking lot.

But for the past five days, the unbothered mask hadn’t been necessary anymore. Because Chay had stopped looking for him. He was still there sometimes, but instead of moving towards the older, he now stepped back and made way for the singer. Kim wasn’t seeing that stupid yellow piece of paper wherever he was going, and he hadn’t figured out what the content was. Had Chay written a cohesive text on there? Used it as an envelope for a picture? Had only written a single simple question or phrase, like a time and place for a meeting?

Kim only suspected that it had always been the same piece of paper, because it got messier and more wrinkled with every day that had passed. Naturally, Kim knew why Chay was resorting to papers, chats and guards to deliver whatever message he had for Kim. When Kinn had told him that Chay had been traumatized to the point of being unable to speak, Kim had instantly put on his mask of indifference for the time being. Only when his brother had left the room and Kim had made sure that he was alone, had he let the mask fall and submitted himself to the emotions that had swamped him like a flock of seagulls that saw a piece of break on the shore.

Kim tried to not acknowledge the truth of his feelings and complex emotions. He tried to lock them all away and ignore them, like he did with the email that told him about his booking. He simply shut down his computer and got up, cracking his bones and getting ready to get to the tower for the last-minute meeting that Kinn had called for a few hours ago.

His luck wasn’t on his side. He had sat inside his room all morning, (not) thinking about how Chay had stopped seeking him out, like Kim wasn’t worth being spent more time on than two weeks of chasing. When Kim had tried to talk to Chay in Norway, he had stayed around for months to get back on good terms with the younger, and now Chay had given up after just two weeks?! Whatever the youngest had to tell him, it wasn’t worth Kim’s attention anyway. He had to work, thank you very much, and feelings was the last thing on the singer’s mind. He would not make the same mistake again, no matter what his heart told him.

Luckily, his mask of indifference was a well-established entity at this point, and putting it on was much easier than taking it off. Most of the time, unless he was completely alone (or back when he used to date Chay and it had been okay to be vulnerable), Kim hardly ever let the mask slip. This worked in his favor today, because unexpectedly, when he turned a corner to get to the meeting room, he got face-to-face with the cause of his emotional turmoil.

He hated to admit it, but Chay looked as beautiful as ever. His hair was slightly longer than usual, and curled in his nape into tiny little corkscrews. His eyes had stopped looking so tired, and Kim had heard from Porsche that he was going to therapy. Chay’s brother had run into Kim the day after their conversation in the infirmary, and had apologized in Kinn’s name. “I’m sure he doesn’t mean what he said, he’s just annoyed because of the injury and took his anger out on you.” Kim had simply nodded curtly and moved on with his tasks, not entertaining the older with an elaborate answer.

Just like every time over the past five days (not that he was counting), the time stopped for a minute and Kim’s mind was running a mile a minute, trying to guess what Chay would do. Would he go back to his usual pattern from before and pull out that stupid yellow piece of paper? No, he didn’t. they were both in the wide corridor, dead in their tracks, and it looked like Chay was just as surprised at seeing the other as Kim was. Before the sudden change of habits, Chay had always looked relieved mixed with insecure when he and Kim had locked eyes.

When the little surprise had faded, Chay shook himself free and sent Kim the hint of a smile, not an earnest one, but one of these polite, shy ones. Although it wasn’t his usual wide smile, Kim had to admit that Chay still looked cute. With that, the younger tilted the head forward ever-so-slightly in the tiniest of bows, and moved to the side of the corridor, making way for the older to pass, who would have had more than enough space even without Chay moving.

Just like the last times this happened, Kim felt weird. He wasn’t used to this, not from Chay. The maids and guards? Sure. But Chay’s bow didn’t look nearly as submissive and obedient as theirs. No, he looked more… content? Earnest? Not like he was trying to suck up to him? Like he was sincerely happy to see him, while being more than okay with keeping his distance? Whatever it was, it didn’t sit well with Kim. He was used to catering to Chay’s needs; always walking behind the younger to keep an eye on his vulnerable backside; opening the door for the younger to walk through first.

Right now, the roles were reversed, and Chay was behaving like the perfect silent little gentleman. He held the doors open for Kim and let him pass first, made way and on their family dinner that Kim had been forced to attend three days ago, Chay had wordlessly made sure that Kim received the best pieces of the food.

It was almost like the younger was courting Kim, and that thought unsettled the singer and sent his brain flying. In order to pull himself out of these disturbing thoughts, he quickly walked past the younger with his head held high and mask perfectly tailored to express indifference with a hint of disgust. He didn’t look back to see if Chay was still standing there, and instead opened the door to Kinn’s meeting room.

Chapter Text

September 10^th

Chay’s hands were sweating, and he was conscious of every single step that he made when he was walking in one of the long, wide marble corridors on the sixth floor of the tower. In all of his time living or at least visiting the building, he had always avoided the sixth floor, and even if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have had any reason to come here. This floor was reserved for very specific people and meetings, and Chay had never seen the appeal of coming here. The hallways looked pretty much the same as the others in the tower: white marble with smokey streaks of gray looking like the stone was cracking in certain spots, the alcoves with imported plants in them, the glass ceiling and henceforth, glass floor.

He had his eyes locked on the far end of the corridor, where he could already see his destination. There was a person standing where he was headed, and Chay wanted to slow down or turn around, rethinking his decision. But then he thought back to what his therapist had said: Seek out the uncomfortable situations. The man had mainly said this so that Chay could practice his speaking skills and had probably referred to ordering an ice cream in public and taking your time while there was a long, impatient queue forming behind you. What he probably hadn’t meant was sending Chay to the person who had started all of this mess, at least indirectly. Chay had long since come to terms with the fact that he himself was to blame for the misunderstanding, but the person behind the door at the end of the corridor had been the reason for his rash decision.

Chay forced himself to keep walking, but suddenly, another person rounded a corner he had never seen before and stopped dead in his tracks. Because he had been nervous and bordering on experiencing a sensory overload already, Chay was even more conscious now and opened his mouth in a silent gasp. He hadn’t expected to run into Kim today. A part of him instantly itched towards his back pocket, ready to pull out the yellow piece of paper that he carried around even after his change of tactics, but Chay was too mesmerized by Kim’s handsome face to move a muscle for a few seconds.

The older didn’t look shocked at seeing Chay. Instead, he was wearing his mask of untouchable super star and unbothered king, which Chay had come to hate. Back when he had been a fan of WIK, he had spent hours swooning over the suave coldness that the singer eluded, but now that he had come to know his vulnerability, quirkiness, and openness, seeing the closed-of stare broke Chay’s heart. He hated it. Hated not being able to read Kim and yet being perfectly able to tell what the older was feeling even though he was trying to mask it. What would Chay give to rip away that pretended unbothered look! What would he give to see a smile, not one of the camera ones, but a real one, like he had seen on Kim when the older had been drenched head-to-toe after they had run home in the middle of the rain, miscalculating the time it would take them from the store to the apartment!

Chay shook himself out of it. Yes, he would do anything to see that smile again, even if it wasn’t directed at him. He would gladly step aside if it meant that his ex-boyfriend found love in life again. And so Chay took a step towards the left and sent Kim the tiniest smile he could muster, as if he could get him to mirror the gesture. Come on, smile back! He begged without speaking, but Kim simply threw his nose a tiny bit in the air and stalked past Chay, who couldn’t help but feel a bit more relaxed now that he had caught a sniff of his ex-boyfriend’s soothing cologne. This little boost of confidence was enough to calm his nerves and finish the last part of his walk without contemplating a retreat.

The person standing in front of Chay’s destination turned out to be Chan. Chay suddenly became nervous again and didn’t know how to behave. He had always appreciated and respected the oldest bodyguard of the tower. Chan was a no-nonsense person who valued honesty and respect over anything else, and who was so closed-off that Chay had a hard time reading him. In the long time that he had spent in the tower, the only two things that he knew about Chan were that he didn’t eat sweets – something that he had found out after visiting the canteen with Tankhun one day – and that he had a crush on Big, one of his subalterns. Well, to be completely fair, Chay also only knew this because of Tankhun’s blabbermouth, but when he had paid close attention after that conversation, Chay had been able to see the tiniest of softening of Chan’s features when the guard with the long hair was around.

But other than that, he didn’t know anything about Chan. He had figured that the older man was a private person who liked strict rules and orders, and that was why Chay respected and liked him. They appreciated the same values. But then Chan had accompanied Khun Korn to his apartment, and Chay had feared for his life when he had seen the bulky man with the permanent frown and deep voice. If Porsche hadn’t insisted that Chan was on their side, Chay would have never predicted that the older would betray his former employer. Chan liked rules and orders, and Chay had always thought that loyalty was the third value in the older’s life.

Chay’s steps slowed down and he became hesitant again. Had the hints for Porsche and Kinn been the only time that Chan was on their side? What was the man thinking right now, seeing Chay approach? Had he, Chay, lost Chan’s respect because of his betrayal? But on the other hand, the older had betrayed Khun Korn as well, right? What should he d-

“Khun Porchay,” Chan started their conversation with a slight bow and impeccable posture, “can I assist you?” Chay swallowed and remembered his therapist’s advice. “Uh, I would… I was thinking that maybe…” he pointed to the door behind Chan, “I need to talk to him.” If Chan was surprised by that request, he didn’t let it show on his face. “Of course, Khun Porchay.” While Chan was an expert of locking his emotions behind a mask – perhaps he had been the one to teach Kim –, Chay couldn’t help but show his confusion.

“Really?” He had thought this would take more convincing. Maybe he would have had to call his brother to tell Chan that it was okay, but given the fact that Porsche didn’t know of Chay’s afternoon activities, he hadn’t wanted to include the older.

“Of course, you are a member of the major and minor family, Khun Porchay,” Chan explained. “Only staff members are to be checked first. But for your own safety, I would suggest that you take somebody inside with you.” Chay needed some time to process this. He was part of the major and minor family. Just like this. Even after everything that had happened. “Uh, thank you, Khun Chan, but I would like to go on my own.”

He knew that Chan despised being talked to in honorifics, but since he had refused to leave out the Khun in front of Chay’s name, the younger did the same. Furthermore, Chay had always used the little word whenever he addressed people he respected, and Chan had always been that type of person. “Khun Porchay, you don’t have to use the honorific,” he reminded Chay in the same slightly uncomfortable voice that he used whenever the topic came up. “If you drop it, too,” Chay countered like he had always done. It always ended the same way:

“Very well then, Khun Porchay.” Chay smiled softly, happy that their routine hadn’t changed much in the months of Chay’s absence. “Then let me just suggest that you stay close to the door if possible. If anything happens, I’m out here.” With that, Chan turned around and pressed a few numbers into the keypad that locked the door.

Khun Korn’s office was a lot darker than Chay had expected. He had envisioned high tinted glass windows, so that the former patriarch could see everybody and everything, which stayed clueless about their surveillance. Instead, Chay found the entire room covered in dark wood, similar to Chay’s own room that he had had in the tower for a while before being moved. The wood was carved into intricate swirls and patterns which extended over the walls, built-in wardrobe, and desk.

Korn Theerapanyakul was sitting in a little rocking chair by the corner of the room, watching a few fish in their aquarium whose pump made a constant quiet buzzing sound that Chay blended out seconds after coming inside.

The older man looked up and his eyes widened slightly when he saw who was visiting him. “Ah, Porchay, come in,” he said in a raspy voice, as if he hadn’t used it in days. He looked older and a bit tired, but his posture hadn’t changed. Even with his temples greying, the suit and perfectly straight back made Khun Korn look like he was at the top of his game.

“Would you like to take a seat?” Chay only then noticed the lump in his throat and shook his head. He chided himself for not having taken his pen and notebook with him, but on the other hand, this forced him to communicate verbally instead of writing his messages down.

Chay had intended on taking a few seconds to gather his thoughts before speaking, but after a bit of silence, it was Kim’s father who opened the conversation. Still sitting in his rocking chair, the former patriarch asked: “I will admit that while I had anticipated you not staying in London, I had no idea where you went after that. I guess that my sons were too quick, and I was preoccupied with other things to let my men check on you. So where did you go after London?”

So Khun Korn had known, or at least guessed, that Chay would have continued his travel, but what he hadn’t indeed known was the fact that he had been in the possession of the crucial files. “Canada,” he answered with a neutral voice, and Khun Korn lifted his head in an upward nod and said: “Ah. And when did you come back?”

“About two weeks ago.” This seemed to surprise the older, who answered that he hadn’t expected him to turn up this soon after coming back. “I would have bet all my money that you would have reconciled with Kim before paying me a visit.” Yeah, so had Chay.

“Why did you come back? Because something about you tells me that you are still not fully on board with everything.” Chay’s face hardened a little and he vowed to not let his insecurity show. “I messed up and am owning up to my mistakes. I came back because…” he didn’t want to say that Kim was feeling miserable and that Tankhun had feared his youngest brother was starving himself, “they asked me to come back and start over.” And just to complete his reasons, he added: “My whole life and future is here, and I couldn’t start over.”

“Mhm,” Khun Korn hummed. “Then what can I do for you? Your early visit indicates that making up with somebody didn’t go as well as you would have wanted, am I correct?” Scarily so, but Chay wouldn’t admit that. “So I assume that this is either about my sons or your brother, but given the fact that you seem to be here to seek advice, I will exclude the latter. And Kinn is too smitten for your brother to hold any grudges, which only leaves two people.” He stopped his monologue for a second to look intensely at Chay and smile when he found what he was looking for.

“Ah, so it’s both of them? In that case, I can reassure you. Tankhun lives for drama, but one of his biggest weaknesses is that he easily forgives but never forgets. It would be better if it were the other way around, but as long as you give him some time, he will change his mind.” “How would that be a weakness?” Chay couldn’t help but ask.

“Forgetting isn’t a weakness. It shows that your mind is too full to grasp everything that is surrounding you. That you are busy. In our lifestyle, forgetfulness can also mean that you are able to forgo common morals and leave personal feelings behind. It is an advantage if you can switch your emotions off for a job. Forgiving however is a vulnerability. If you forgive, you become soft, and people start walking over you. Tankhun forgives but never forgets his morals and friends, and that’s why he would have never been a suitable heir. He wouldn’t have the strength to draw the line and show his power. Kimhan on the other hand,” he got up and walked over to the chess board that had its usual place on the small table near the right of the room. While crossing the space, he got relatively close to Chay, who tensed and tried not to show how scared he was. But Khun Korn didn’t bat an eye at that and picked up the black bishop.

“Kimhan would be a great heir. He doesn’t forgive, but he forgets.” “I wouldn’t call him forgetful,” Chay intervened and watched Khun Korn inspecting the black figurine. “No, not when it comes to common things. But he forgets his moral code at times when it is necessary. Killing is bad, and he knows it. Everybody does. But whenever it’s necessary, Kim forgets this moral code. Or at least forgoes it. Just like he used you when you met him. Of course he knew back then that he wasn’t doing the right thing. But he decided to forget morality for a while, until you wrapped him around your finger. Trust me Porchay, nobody has ever managed to do that before. He’s the perfect weapon, the perfect killing machine. He’s calculating and fierce, and it makes him a great heir. He never forgives. This is what tells him and Vegas apart. My nephew forgets, like Kimhan. He’s brutal and doesn’t care about morality. He forgets, which is good; but Vegas’s weakness is his forgiveness. If he is cornered enough, he forgives certain people. In a way, he’s just like my eldest son. They both forgive, but Vegas additionally forgets.”

In any other situation, Chay would have been amused at the comparison and similarities of the two obviously most different cousins. Right now, he thought back to the many stories he had heard about the infamous Vegas Theerapanyakul. Sometimes, he and Chay had talked in private, mostly when Chay had been waiting for Macau to come back home, and the older had opened up bit by bit. About how his father used and abused him; but Vegas had never acted up. He had tried to please his father even when he had forced his son to do unspeakable things.

“Yes,” Khun Korn said when he looked at Chay, as if he knew exactly what the young man was thinking about. “If Vegas had been a better heir, he would have stood up against my brother. He wouldn’t have forgiven him. Kimhan on the other hand,” he twirled the black bishop around, “spoke his mind and did his own thing. He moved out when he was sixteen and he convinced his brothers to take me down. He’s the perfect heir, and had you not weakened him, he would still be one.”

He sat back down on the other side of the room in his rocking chair, putting the black bishop onto the small side table next to it. “But even though I lost my perfect heir, I will forever be glad to know that he doesn’t forgive you.”

Chay tightened his fists by his side and pressed out another question. “And what about Kinn?” “What do you mean?” “You said that Tankhun and Vegas wouldn’t be good heirs, and that Kim is the perfect replacement for you. What about Kinn? Why can’t you be happy with him?” Khun Korn sighed. “Kinn is different. He doesn’t forget and doesn’t forgive. Whenever he accompanied me to my meetings and we had to deal with former partners that betrayed us, Kinn refused to cooperate with them again. He always said that if they betrayed us once, they would do it again. That was good – he didn’t forgive. But on the other hand, he also didn’t forget his morals. He wouldn’t kill or punish those who betrayed us strong enough to make a statement. He was too soft.”

Somehow, Chay doubted that he and Khun Korn had a similar understanding of ‘suitable punishment’. “Out of all four of them, only Kim had the potential of becoming a good heir to the family. He even went against the entire system that he grew up in, even didn’t forgive his own father. He is stronger than all of them in that sense. So you see, Porchay? If Kim and Tankhun aren’t talking to you yet, mark my words. Tankhun forgives, Kimhan doesn’t. you will never be close to him again.”

“Is that what you wanted? Send me away to make Kim believe that I didn’t care about him?” “That was a huge part of it, yes. I wanted to see how far his inability to forgive goes. If he doesn’t forgive you, then he will never forgive anybody. And as of right now, I am very pleased to see that he hasn’t given in and won’t, either.”

“You’re wrong,” Chay spat. “Kim isn’t a good heir. Yes, you might be right about that forgiving and forgetting thing, but you underestimate his feelings. He would never be a good heir for the business, because it goes against everything that he stands by.”

“Does it really, though?” Khun Korn tilted his head. “Remember that he only started to overthrow my system because of you. Before that, he stood completely behind the family morals.” “You said it yourself; he moved out when he was sixteen!” “But he always came back, didn’t he? All it ever took me was one call or one message and he was back in the tower. He managed to build his own brand as a disguise and worked for me whenever he could. He craves the power and thrill of the mafia, Porchay. And even though you convinced him for a short period of time that he doesn’t, right now he remembers how wrong you were and how deep your betrayal goes.”

Suddenly, everything became clear to Chay, and he widened his eyes. In a whisper, he said: “So this is what all of this is about. You expect him to come back to you.” Khun Korn didn’t change his expression, but Chay was sure that he saw the tiniest satisfied smile hush across his face. “You’re very intelligent, Porchay. You got behind a lot of things and almost managed to destroy this family with a few scans and threatening emails. You might have even succeeded if the Home Secretary hadn’t worked with my sons. And now this? You should really consider working for the strategic division of the mafia, you really get the gist of it. Yes, sooner or later, Kim is going to realize how right I was about you, and how much he needs this lifestyle. Before he met you, he was calculated and quick-witted, and this simple lesson has taught him to never trust anybody again. It strengthened his forgetfulness of morals and weakened his forgiveness even further.”

“You’re wrong,” Chay hissed. “Kim will never get you out of here. You will never use him to build another empire to overthrow your other sons and nephews.” With that, Chay turned around and didn’t wait for an answer before throwing the door shut behind him and powerwalking across the corridor, ignoring Chan’s weird looks.

Chapter Text

September 10^th

Chay didn’t know how he had managed to get to his and Macau’s old apartment, but the second he got there, he gasped. He hadn’t really remembered that Porsche had told him about the destruction. Chay had simply needed to get some space and to be left alone after that heavy conversation with Khun Korn. He had wanted to lie down on his small, cheap room, which was the complete opposite of the luxurious prison that Kim’s father was staying in, but when he opened the door to his apartment, he saw the extend of the damage.

His swivel chair was laying in two pieces across the room, as well as the contents of the paper bin that used to stand in the corner by the desk – now on the far end of the bedroom. The closet door to Chay’s wardrobe was opened a little bit and had a fist-shaped indent in the cheap wood, and Chay could see some streaks of blood where the knuckles must have made contact with the material. The duvet and pillow were not covering the bed in orderly fashion, and some duck feathers were decorating the floor.

Chay didn’t walk in further and sank down to the ground, letting out a shaky sigh. He hadn’t been here when it had happened, but he somehow knew what had occurred. In his mind, Chay saw his ex-boyfriend who had found out about Chay definitely missing – maybe from the chocolate or maybe from the letter. Within the split of a second, Kim lashed out and let out a furious scream, making the furniture feel his anger. Before then, Kim’s negative emotions had been directed at Chay, but after finding out about his father’s involvement, he snapped and imagined the chair, the wardrobe, the bin to be Korn Theerapanyakul.

Chay couldn’t believe that this had all been part of his plan. Sure, certain things hadn’t gone according to the way Kim’s father had anticipated, but in the end, he was right. This was all a whole lesson to Kim and a plan to build a new empire with the help of his youngest son, who with all his rage for Chay would be blind enough to not see that his father was using him. Khun Korn was counting on one thing: that Kim would hate Chay so much that he would rather stand by his father’s side than his ex-boyfriend’s. Korn was hoping that Kim would forget his own morals in all of his anger and become a complete maniac that thought his father was right.

Chay shook his head. No, he couldn’t let any of that happen. If Kim was the perfect heir for Khun Korn, then Chay would have to find a way to make Kim stop being this way. If Kim’s father wanted his son to be forgetful of his morals and unforgiving, then Chay would have to change that, he would have to turn it around. In order to save his ex-boyfriend from the brainwashing, Chay would have to make Kim forgiving and unforgetting of his morals and values, so that Khun Korn had no power over him.

Somehow, he feared that Kim was already at the state of agreeing with his father. Chay had messed up badly, but he didn’t want to believe that he could be the reason for Kim breaking his father out of his prison and blindly follow him again. Chay got up with a determined look on his face and was about to turn around and walk back outside when he saw something on the ground: it was a little figurine, almost identical to the one next to Khun Korn’s rocking chair, but this one was white. The white bishop, Chay thought and picked it up to inspect it. He remembered his first reaction to the letter that had been sent to him.

He hadn’t wanted to be the white bishop. He had wanted to be the knight, unpredictable and able to step on every field of the board, unlike the bishop who only had access to half of the fields. He had thought that by making the scans and not staying in London, he had crossed Khun Korn’s plans, not knowing that he had even strengthened the desired effect.

But now wasn’t the time to regret his actions or to curse Khun Korn for his psycho games. Now he was a man on a mission: he wouldn’t let the black bishop become a puppet to the black king again.

Chay got back to the tower in record time, nearly bumping into Arm, who was running around with a frantic look on his face, but Chay didn’t pay attention to that. He needed to speak to Kim. And since he had run into him a few hours ago, he assumed that the older was still in the tower. Once Kim left the tower, there was no hope for Chay to catch him, Kim was way too sneaky for that.

The young man was squeezing out of the elevator as soon as the gap was large enough for his shoulder to push through. Khun Korn’s former office was on the far, far left of the elevator shaft, and Kinn’s meeting room – which he assumed is where Kim had been heading towards earlier – was on the right. Without thinking, he sprinted forward and got closer by the second. He had planned on knocking and gently prying the door open, excuse his interrupting of their meeting and beg Kim to listen to him.

None of that happened. Instead, Chay came to a scattering halt a few meters away from his destination when he heard an earth-shattering sound. “WHAT DID YOU FUCKING THINK YOU WERE DOING, KINN?!” That… That was Porsche’s voice! Chay had only heard his brother’s rage once before, and that had been when Kim had punched the younger Kittisawasd.

In a way, he found Porsche’s yelling much more intimidating and scarier than Kinn’s and Tankhun’s together. Luckily, Chay had never been on the receiving end of his fury, the most he had ever gotten was exasperated, disappointed or frustrated looks. Of course Porsche had yelled at him before; their trip in Norway hadn’t been the only instance of Porsche’s temper getting the better of him. But even when he was angry, Porsche never lost control this much. Or at least never when Chay had been around.

If Chay didn’t know his brother’s voice by heart, he wouldn’t have believed this to be the caring hia that had raised him. Chay’s body froze, and he held his breath while goosebumps took over his body.

“YOU ARE THE BIGGEST FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT EVER, AND NOW LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE! I HOPE YOU’RE FUCJKING HAPPY!” What was going on? The first thing that came to Chay’s mind was the disturbing thought that Kinn had cheated on his brother. But no, that wasn’t possible! Kinn and Porsche had been through so much, they wouldn’t break up! If true love really existed, it came in the shape of this couple!

Against his better judgement, Chay stayed beside the door and kept listening. “HE NEEDED TO HEAR IT!” Kinn started speaking for the first time since Chay had arrived. He needed to hear it? So this was involving a third person? Maybe the home wrecker? But what would he ne-

“NOT THE WAY YOU DID IT!” “OUR LIVES ARE AT STAKE, PORSCHE!” Now it started to sound less and less of a domestic fight. Kinn continued yelling: “JUST BECAUSE WE’RE UNDER GOVERNMENT APPROVAL NOW DOESN’T MEAN THAT EVERYTHING’S PEACHY! THERE ARE DOZENS OF GANGS THAT STILL WANT US DEAD, AND WE NEED KIM MORE THAN EVER!”

Chay got startled when he heard the name. They were speaking about Kim? Just a second ago, he had assumed that his ex-boyfriend was still in the room with the couple, but now it sounded like the singer had left by the time that Chay got back to the tower.

“OF COURSE WE NEED HIS HELP! NOBODY IS DENYING THAT! BUT YOU USING YOUR FUCKING STATUS AS THE HEIR TO GET HIM TO WORK ISN’T GOING TO HELP!” “I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT HIS ANGER AT CHAY CANNOT STAND IN THE WAY OF KEEPING ALL OF US SAFE!” “YOU JUST USED THE SAME ARGUMENT AS YOUR FATHER!”

Chay’s heart stopped. He remembered his conversation with Macau a few weeks ago, when the older had come to Canada. ‘For me, my brother and cousins, the worst insult you could throw at us is that we are like our fathers. Our biggest nightmare is turning out to be like them.’ Porsche throwing that comparison into the argument was a dangerous thing to do.

“I AM NOTHING LIKE MY FATHER!” “NO, NORMALLY YOU AREN’T, BUT YOUR ACTIONS JUST NOW HAD THE SAME CONSEQUENCES AS KORN’S!” What consequences were they talking about? Apparently, Kinn had used his position of the leader to get Kim to come back to work, but that had already happened weeks ago in the infirmary when Kim had requested that Chay stay away from him if they wanted him to help with the company. So what had happened while Chay had talked to Khun Korn and had visited his old apartment?

“HE NEEDS TO BE RESPONSIBLE! I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO TELL HIM THAT!” “AND YET YOU BERSERKED THROUGH WITH THAT WITHOUT EVEN LISTENING TO HIM! YOU SAYING THAT HE HAS TO KEEP HIS EMOTIONS IN CHECK IS JUST WHAT YOUR FATHER DID! HE SENT CHAY AWAY SO THAT KIM WOULDN’T BECOME SOFT OR WHATEVER! BECAUSE OF SUCH A BULLSHIT STATEMENT, CHAY LEFT THIS FAMILY! AND NOW KIM LEFT TOO!”

Chay gasped and looked at the closed door with horror in his eyes. What?! No, Porsche had to be wrong, he… he must have misheard!

“He’ll come back,” Kinn then said, suddenly without a raised voice, much more quiet and almost doubtful. Chay had to lean closer to hear him. “You don’t sound sure yourself,” Porsche countered, equally quiet, but still on guard and angry. The sound of somebody sitting on a plush couch or chair filled the silence. “He usually does,” Kinn said. “Then why are you worried?” “Because… I guess that I have never been the reason why he left. It was always my father’s fault that he cut ties with the family… and… whenever he left, I always knew where he would go. Right now… I’m not so sure.”

If Chay’s heart had sunken to the ground already, it was now being metaphorically stumped on like an elephant that trampled on a snake, or a cigarette bud that was being put out. Kim was gone. Gone because Kinn had said the wrong thing at the wrong time. There were a hundred other reasons, but this had been the catalyst. And nobody knew where he was and if this would be the last straw forever.

Chay stumbled away from the door; he couldn’t bare listening to more than necessary. Neither Kinn nor Porsche had knowledge that would help the situation. Chay would… he would… he just had to find him by himself. Yes! Maybe he could see where he was going by tracking his car down! Or… or maybe there was a hidden letter or note in his apartment.

Chay’s eyes turned misty and just before he reached the elevator, he sunk down onto the ground. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t do any of this. He had neither the knowledge on how to track a person’s GPS nor did he have access to Kim’s apartment. He was a nobody. Even worse: he was the enemy to Kim. Out of all the people that could go looking for him, Chay was by far the last person Kim would want to see. If only he had let Kim alone in the beginning! If only he hadn’t seeked the older out to hand him his yellow letter! If only h-

“Aow?!” Chay hadn’t heard the ding of the elevator or the doors sliding open, but he did hear the surprised noise that made him look up. Above him stood Tankhun, with an unreadable expression on his face. The older had baby blue eyeliner under his eyes and was wearing a ruffled turtleneck that reminded Chay of sixteenth century England. After a second of inspecting the younger, Tankhun sighed and kneeled down on the ground next to him, silently pulling him into his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” Chay whispered between his cries that were muffled by the ruff. He didn’t even know if Tankhun already knew about his baby brother missing, or if he had just been on his way to Kinn’s office on a visit. But the way the older soothingly stroked Chay’s back told him that he was aware of at least something.

“I know,” was the soft answer, completely contrasting the yelling and furious stares that Tankhun had offered Chay before now. The older had been completely on Kim’s side, threatening Chay to fix the mess he had caused. And Chay had failed. He had let Tankhun down. He hadn’t been able to talk to Kim before the singer had left.

“I… I tried, P’Khun. I wanted to ta-” he hiccuped, “talk to hi-im. And then I gave him spa-hace. And it di- didn’t work.” The last part was high-pitched and defeated. “I know,” the older repeated. “And he didn’t leave because of you.”

Chay shook his head. “He did! I fucked u-up.” “Yeah, but did he leave after seeing you? No, he stayed around, even when you didn’t stay away and backed off.” “I didn’t re-respect his wish,” Chay sobbed, recalling Porsche telling him that Kim requested he didn’t see Chay while working for their brothers. But Tankhun was right. Kim hadn’t fled the tower and stopped coming over because of Chay. Granted, he had been angry and hadn’t done as much as look at the younger whenever they met each other, but in the end, Kim had stayed.

“Wasn’t it the same in Norway? He got on your nerves at first and then you tolerated him being around?” It sounded almost like what Chay’s therapist had said, and he nodded. Tankhun pulled away from their hug and looked at Chay’s tear-covered face.

“If he really hated you, he would have left.” “But why doesn’t he give me a chance if he still cares?” Tankhun shrugged his shoulders. “You did the same and let him work for it. He needs time.” “But now he’s gone, and I feel so…” “hopeless?” Chay nodded and looked at the ground they were sitting on. Tankhun inhaled deeply and said:

“You have been around my family enough to know a bit of how we work and live. We love with our entire heart. If we care for somebody, we will never let them go. I know it sounds a lot like we are walking red flags, and that might be true to some extend. But look at Pete and Vegas; or your brother and mine! They have all fucked up before, but Vegas and Kinn would do anything for their partners. And they are all drama queens. Don’t look at me, I know they always say the same about me. But Kim? He takes the real cake in this case. Just look at him! He’s a moody tween who likes to dress in leather jackets and wear sunglasses for coolness points! He likes to have his mysterious look all the time! When he moved out, he said that he wants to run away from home and never talk to our family ever again. And a few weeks later, we find out that he kept looking after us the whole time. He’s a real drama queen that wants to be appreciated and chased like a Disney princess!”

Later, Chay would probably chuckle at that comparison, but right now, he looked at Tankhun and asked: “But how can I chase him if I don’t know where he is?” He knew he sounded like a spoiled little kid. After all, Kim had done this thing for him, twice! And here he was, not knowing where to start. Luckily, Tankhun smiled and pulled something out of his pocket.

“Kinn told me that Kim left an hour ago, and thankfully, we are all a bit used to somebody running away, huh?” He gently nudged Chay in the side. “We initially thought that he just went to blow some steam off, but then Arm checked his emails and found something.” He showed Chay the forwarded email that Arm had sent to Tankhun:

Subject: Your booking information

Dear Kimhan Theerapanyakul,

Thank you for choosing our company for your trip to Spain! Attached to this email, you will find your booking information and boarding passes for your flight on September 10^th (18:45). Please remember to be at the airport at least two hours prior to take-off and plan for check-in and security taking time. Also don’t forget your passport! If you wish for us to send your boarding passes via mail so that you don’t have to print them yourself or wait at check-in, please contact your local tourist center.

Your full-care package, including hotel, restaurants, excursions and more, has been taken care of by our company as well. Since you booked a first-class and all-inclusive package, a personal assistant will be at your disposal regarding any questions you might have for this trip. In case of any issues, please answer to this email with the subject line: booking number: OLT-347.

We wish you and your partner a pleasant experience.

Yours sincerely,

Bangkok Travel Center, Europe Division (BTC).

Chay’s eyes widened, and he reread the email three times. He had so many questions. “Partner?” he asked bewilderedly. “Yeah. It turns out he received this email three months ago.” “But… but that doesn’t make any sense. We were supposed to be in Norway right now.” Tankhun smiled sadly. “I know. But… you seem to forget that Kim is truly in love with you. I suppose he wanted to surprise you.”

Chay’s heart sank, and he was at a loss of words. All this time, Kim had planned on a secret trip to Spain with him? “Arm found out that an hour ago, he sent an email to the travel agency asking to reschedule the flight.” “What do you mean?” “Well, the boarding passes state that the departing airport used to be Olso, but Kim asked for a last-minute change. The trip is now starting in Bangkok. Departure is in two hours.”

Without another word, Chay jumped up and nearly kicked Tankhun in the face with his knee in the process. “Woah, woah, woah, what are you doing?!” “I got to go to the airport! Maybe I can get there before he leaves and then I can talk to him!” “Are you kidding me? All you want to do is talk?” “Well, yeah?! I can’t let him leave without apologizing! We don’t know is he is coming back, let alone when!”

Tankhun rolled his eyes and got up, getting into the elevator with Chay. But instead of pressing the ‘0’ that would take them to the front door, the older pressed the number ‘3’. “What are you doing, phi?”

“Since I seem to be the only person with a functioning brain, I will spell it out for you. You’re not going to go to the airport, make a big speech and hope that my brother comes back home with you. That’s stupid and useless.”

The elevator stopped and Tankhun got off, powerwalking in the direction of Porsche’s office, Chay in tow. “Pressuring him would be the worst thing to do right now, you would be just as stupid as by other brother. That reminds me, I really have to make a scene for his actions. Silly Kinn, as if he lost his last three braincells in this wheelchair.”

“But what else am I supposed to do then?” Tankhun rolled his eyes and went straight to the desk in Porsche’s office, pulling one of the drawers open and retrieving an item that Chay knew very well. His passport. “You’re coming with him, of course!”

“Bu-” “No but! The trip is still scheduled for two people, and one of the boarding passes is registered on your name.” With a shaking hand, Chay took the offered passport and followed Tankhun outside again like a mindless puppy that followed its owner around at all times. “Now, we don’t really have any time left for you to pack your bag, but I’m sure Spain has got some marvelous designer clothes. Just think about it! Massimo Dutty, Balenciaga, Paco Rabanne! Hah,” he sighed as if remembering the face of his first love, “what would I give to go as well and watch a Palomo Spain fashion show! If you happen to visit one of them, please take many pictures for your phi!”

“But phi!” Chay finally reached the older, who even in his platform heels outran him with ease, “I don’t even have anything with me! This is ridiculous! I don’t even know anything about this trip!”

Tankhun only waved him of and pressed the ‘0’ in the elevator. “You have done much more dangerous and risky things than a luxury trip to a Spain, my dead Chay. You’re our little freak flag, who always does unexpected things that pull all of us into a huge frenzy and causes ruckus wherever you go. And I know it sounds dangerous, but you will be in the best of hands with my Kimmy.” He sounded far too happy about this development, like this was just another plot twist in his favorite drama. “But Kim doesn’t want me there with him!” “He does! You just have to break through his walls! Embrace the freak flag character of yours! It’s time for you to do the unexpected for Kim and work your ass off to get him back! He doesn’t for the life of him think that you will show up on the airport to court him!”

Chay opened his mouth but needed a few seconds to come up with a good argument why this was a stupid idea. “But… but… I… I don’t even know where we’re going!” Wordlessly, Tankhun opened the attachments of the latest email and zoomed into one of the boarding passes, which was really issued on his name. In bold golden letters stood much information that Chay didn’t focus on, like the fact that his seat was in first class or that the departure was really only two hoursaway. Instead, he focused on the exact destination: Barcelona.