Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

 The peace came with a bang. 

  It was loud, but Jak was ready for it, had honestly been hoping for it.  It was going to happen sooner or later, he just found he preferred sooner rather than later.   The impact of the ground reverberated throughout his body.  Had he screwed up?  Wasn't this supposed to be instantaneous?  Painless even?  

  He heard shouting in the darkness. Voices he recognized echoed around him, a man and a woman.  No...there were two men.   Why were they here?  He thought he was alone.  He really did botch this whole thing, didn't he?

  But he could care less now, because now he would rest.  With the darkness came the cold, and with the cold came the rest, and soon the rest turned into nothingness.

  In the nothingness he found peace.

Chapter Text

  Jak knows Daxter.

  He knows Daxter is his best friend.  His confidant, comrade, and sidekick.

  His brother.  

  Oh, how he loved Daxter, he'd lay down his life for him if the ottsel asked him to.  Jak has always been a little protective of him, he thinks.  The two of them have been inseparable since they met, whether it was getting into trouble or getting out of it.   Simply being around Daxter made Jak happy.  He'd go so far as to say that they completed each other!  

  But tucked way in the back of his mind were little seeds of questioning guilt.   Did...he take something away from Daxter?  Had he wronged his friend?  Was he at fault for something?

  Jak tried looking for any signs of hate or resentment but found none.  The more he looked, the more he started to outright stare.

  It was okay, though.  

  The staring.   

  It's almost freeing when he stared at the ottsel.  Like if got caught, Daxter would just raise his eyebrows and wave back at him with a smile.

  Yeah, being around Daxter made him feel free.
  

Chapter Text

  He knows Keira.

  She's his friend. They were once more than that, they had this on and off thing going on between them for a while.

  He's never been good at that sort of thing.  Being vulnerable.

  Vulnerability got you killed.

  He tried.  He really did.  He'd listen to her problems, trying to offer solutions before he realized she just wanted to talk.

  She was the one person who he felt he could talk about anything with.  Well, most anything.

  Maybe Keira could tell that he was holding back, that he was hiding things.  He didn't need to burden her with all his problems.  

  Jak was sure if he was all honest that she would never come near him again.

  No one would.

  But he couldn't help himself.  He found standing close to her came easy, like breathing.  He wanted to be near her, just being in her presence was good enough.

  Keira was like the sun to him.  Beautiful and bright and if it didn't hurt, he'd stare at her all day.  Going blind was worth it if it meant he got to be with her.

  She didn't ask for much from him, either.    No orders or dangerous errands, he was never brushed off or put on hold.  But he'd do anything for her if the mechanic would ask.

  The blond has been hurt by her somehow.  Deeply.  There's a memory of them fighting in the old stadium racing garage when they were younger, but the words are gone.  Blank.

  That was so long ago.  Why did it still hurt?

  He was…trying to protect her, right?

  Jak only has himself to blame.  It was probably his fault after all.  

Chapter Text

  The eco talked to him sometimes.  Telling him half truths and outright lies.  It was just trying to protect him, that dark voice in the back of his head.  It got scared easily, like a small child.

  Jak used to have to talk It down a lot, afraid if he didn't that it might just fling him off the nearest building in an attempt to get away from whatever happened to be chasing them.

  They used to get chased a lot, that's what it felt like.   What it still felt like. 

  The voice would tell him to run, whether away or towards the danger he could never predict.  Even when he was resting, it told him to run sometimes.   Sleep never came those nights, and the nights he did manage to ignore it he'd wake up screaming.  

  Someone else would have to help him talk the eco down after that.  It was stubborn, needing two people to convince it that he wasn't in danger.  That he was sleeping in a safe place where no one could get him.

  When the other voice came along it seemed to calm the other one.  Take the burden off him a little so he could actually rest instead of babysit.

  But then the two would argue a lot and then he'd have to calm them both down.   Those days were the worst.   Being stuck in a paralyzing loop, weighing the pros and cons of each of the choices the eco presented to him.   

  It got easier over time.  

  That light voice continued to quell the dark one, to the point that Jak could barely hear it anymore.  On the occasion, when bullets were flying and adrenaline was high, he'd hear it try to  calm him too.   Help him think through the situation, before he got both himself and Daxter killed.   It would come in the night after he'd wake up, lulling him back to sleep as it kept the other one at bay.

  Yeah, it was getting easier.  Just a little.

Chapter Text

  Jak knows Torn.

  They worked together, or they did at one point.  They were hiding from the government together.  Why were they on the run?

  He remembered that they fought a lot.  Some quiet and hidden, trying not to attract attention from any of the people around them.  Others, angry and explosive, not a care in the world who heard.  But if there was one thing the blond was sure of, it was that Torn was loyal.

  Even to a fault.

  That fault lingered in Jak's chest.  Like an old injury that throbbed when a storm would roll in.    What was the word for that?  A grudge?

  But that loyalty had a familiarity to it, and the familiarity brought a sense of ease.

  That ease made Jak want to stand close to the Commander, not as close as Keira though.

  But maybe he shouldn't stand so close, Jak can see he made the older man uncomfortable and Torn rarely made any eye contact with him.  Jak didn't hurt him...did he?

  He catches himself staring at Torn a lot, he knows he shouldn't.  Like if he gets caught he'll get in trouble.

  Jak adjusted his foot half a step and cocked his hips to the right, leaning further in Torn's direction.  

  Just a little closer, that's all he needed.

  Just a little bit more of that familiarity.

  A little bit more of that ease.

Chapter Text

  Jak knows Tess.

  He and Daxter worked with her too.  She didn't work for Krew like they did, not really.  No one ever bothered to look past the ditzy blonde mask she put on to see the gun mechanic and sniper expert in her.  She stood behind the bar, serving customers with polite conversation and pretty smiles.  She played it all to her advantage

  That's what made her such a good spy.

  Torn knew what he was doing when he sent her to Krew.

  At first, when Jak had seen her get flirty with his best friend he was afraid of Tess.

  Afraid that she would take him away, that Daxter would lose interest in him.  Especially when they had just reunited after an eternity of torture.  He didn't know if he could've navigated life in Haven without Daxter.

  Now they were close.  Not only because they had been through so much together but because she was close to Daxter.  She was a second rock, a pillar of support to the ottsel.  Someone to take care of the ottsel when he was gone.  

  Tess was smart and comforted them and gave advice freely, much to Jak's chargin' sometimes.  The worst part was is that she was always right.  He remembers one time when a bullet had grazed his ear while out on a job for Krew and she forced him to sit at the bar while she sterilized and stitched his ear back together.  He would've lost half an ear that day if it wasn't for her.

  After that Jak saw what made Daxter so attracted to her.  Sure she was pretty, but it was her firm but gentle personality that pulled people towards her.  It made her nice to be around, and easy to stare at, and she would stare back and poke at Jak when she caught him.  

  All smiles, of course.

  Yeah, Jak would say anybody would be lucky to have Tess.

Chapter Text

  Jak remembers that he enjoys racing.

  So when he got invited to get a together for some Freedom League squads at a sports bar, of course he accepted.  He figured he'd go, have a couple drinks, watch the racing, and make nice with a couple of people.  Maybe he'd expand his friend circle a bit.

  He arrives at the bar half an hour before anything starts, hoping to get a decent seat and chat a little before the racing begins.  Surprise takes him when he walks in and sees Torn at the bar.  He didn't think the older man came to these kinds of things.  So much for expanding his friend circle.

  Waving at each other, Jak walks over to sit next to him, taking notice of the lack of pistols in Torn's holsters.  

  That's odd. 

 They order their drinks and talk for a bit before a comfortable silence falls between them.  Jak continues to sip on his drink while Torn leans against the bar beside him, facing the growing crowd of fellow soldiers.   He gets the suspicion that Torn isn't there to people watch his own soldiers. 

  Jak watches as the bar manager picks up the TV remote from behind the counter, flipping through the stations before landing on Combat Racing.  He listens as the announcer's voice comes over the speakers and some of the patrons of the bar start to settle down.  Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Torn's right ear start to twitch.  A tell-tale sign that the Commander is growing nervous.  

  Jak jumps as the rev of the engines travel across the bar.  He feels his throat constricting in on itself as he watches the vehicles take off from the start line.  The racers make it a lap and a half around before the first victim goes up in a fiery explosion.  Both Jak and Torn flich this time as the walls of the establishment shake from the noise.

  He looks down at the drink in his hand as he feels the room closing in on him.  Feels the eyes on him.

  Everyone is looking at him.  

  He ducks his head lower and reaches for a scarf that's no longer there.   He needs to cover himself, needs to hide from the eyes.

  Another explosion, his adrenaline is skyrocketing.  He feels like he needs to fight someone, or does he need to run?  Maybe he just needs another drink?

  A hand on his shoulder brings him back to reality.  He looks over to see Torn.

  "You okay?"  the man's voice sounds far away, almost like they're at opposite ends of a tunnel.

  Jak's voice shakes "Everyone's staring." 

  He sees Torn turn to check the room, "No one is watching you, Jak."

  Jak wants to scream.  Wants to get in his face and yell and turn around and point at every person that is.  He can see that Torn is tense too, yet he denies that people are looking at them.  

  At him.

  His friend leans into his space, soft whispering.  As if he speaks too loud he'll spook a wild animal.  "Let's get out of here."

  The blonde keeps his gaze on Torn as he follows the tattooed man out.  He doesn't dare look into the sea of eyes, afraid of what he'll see if he does.

  Jak doesn't remember if he likes racing.