Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was pandemonium. Complete and utter carnage. Henry, who had just been staring down the barrel of a gun, now couldn’t help but feel like he was about to face a much worse fate. Infected were spewing from the ground like ants being flushed from an anthill. Screams filled the air as Fireflies shot at the wave of them uselessly. For every one they took down, it seemed like five were ready to take their place.

“Come on,” Henry cried out as he rushed over to Ellie. “We gotta go!”

Ellie met his eye for a moment and not for the first time, he was struck by just how battle-hardened she seemed. She was still holding Sam’s hand from when he had told her to run with him not two minutes earlier.

They didn’t get far before the infected caught up to them. The street was lit by flames from the smouldering remains of the burnt-out trucks and the still burning houses, making the situation that much more intense and horrifying. It was all Henry could do to hang onto Sam and keep him close as he ran. Ellie could take care of herself, couldn’t she? Henry spotted a nearby car and made for it, scrambling under it and pulling his brother behind him - they would have to wait for an opportunity to move.

Ellie’s heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she almost couldn’t breathe with it. She had almost been ripped apart by a damn child clicker! Joel was up in that house. He had to be looking out for her, right? She took a moment to look up and miraculously caught Joel’s eye. He nodded, hoisting the sniper rifle meaningfully. She nodded in return - they could do this.

She gripped her trusty knife tightly in her hand, looking around her quickly before making a run for it. Infected kept sprinting towards her but Joel picked them off before they could get to her. She had to get to Sam and Henry. She could hear Henry screaming from underneath the car as two clickers tried to get at them.

Uncaring for the danger around her, Ellie ran. Joel had her back and that was all she needed to know. It wasn’t until a Firefly truck barrelled into a bunch of infected behind her that she even realised that she had been being chased. Still, no time to worry about that now.

Ellie pulled the clicker that was going after Sam away, stabbing it in the neck ruthlessly. It made one last dying croak as it went slack. Now for the next one. But Joel shot it just as she got her knife into it. Ellie kicked it to the ground, grabbing Sam’s hand and pulling him to his feet roughly.

“We gotta fucking go!” Ellie yelled above the eerie noise of the Firefly alarm going off mixed with gunfire and the screams of she didn’t even want to know how many infected and dying humans.

Henry nodded, looking back for just a moment. Just long enough for them to spot what looked to be the biggest infected Ellie had ever seen. She had heard rumours about superinfected. The clickers had turned out to be real, but what was this?

Bloater, an old memory inside her bubbled up. Girls talking in her dormitory in hushed whispers late at night about people who, for whatever reason, didn’t simply curl up and die after a few years of the infection. People who continue to have the fungus grow and multiply across and inside of them, enhancing whatever immense natural strength they must have possessed in life. They apparently spat out bombs of spores, not that she was going to wait around and see whether that was true or not.

The three of them made a run for the trees, the sound of Joel shooting still ringing in her ears. Ellie refused to let herself hear what was going on behind them, it was all too much.

“Stop!” came a high-pitched voice from behind them.

They all turned around to see Kathleen. Henry’s stomach dropped. Just as he had been beginning to hope that he would make it out of this alive. His eyes flicked over to Ellie who looked stoic - ready to run. He let out a shaking sigh. He was about to trust a fourteen-year-old girl with the life of his brother, but what else could he do?

Ellie wasn’t staring at the woman, though. No, her attention was arrested by the clicker lurking behind her. So much of the little girl was still there. Ellie could make out a dirt-encrusted Blue’s Clues shirt. She had watched that show on a shitty old projector when she had been little at FEDRA school. Before the teachers had become instructors and lessons had become training.

Kathleen seemed to follow her gaze. Everything seemed to be in slow motion except for the clicker that leapt for her with animalistic agility, knocking her down.

Henry stared in horror at Kathleen who at one point he had considered a friend and mentor as she had her throat ripped out. Gurgling screams of terror and pain were soon cut short as the equipment to make them was ripped from her body.

“This way now! Move!” Joel said gruffly, forcing Henry to look away from the gore.

All four of them ran until they couldn’t anymore. Until the roars of whatever that massive infected had been were a distant rumble. Until the crackling of the neighbourhood as it burnt could no longer be heard.

“It’s dark,” Joel said gruffly.

“No shit,” Ellie muttered, still panting.

“So,” he continued, unfazed, “we have to find somewhere to hunker down for the night.”

“Agreed,” Henry said shakily. His hands shook as he signed to Sam, “We need to find somewhere safe.”

Sam looked up at him, nodding, though he didn’t reply.

“Come on,” Ellie said, taking the little boy’s hand and pulling him along.

Henry didn’t bother to fight it. In truth, he was grateful to have a moment to himself to calm down.

“Does your knowledge of the city stretch to a place we can stay?” Joel asked.

He considered for a moment. “If that road up there is what I think it is, then yeah. There should be a motel about a mile up.”

The older man nodded consideringly. “I’ll take your word on that, kid. Not like I have any other plan.”

Henry snorted. “Been a while since I’ve been called that, you know.”

“What? Kid?” Joel replied.

“Yeah,” Henry laughed weakly, picking up his pace so as to not let the two kids get too far.

“How old are you?” Joel asked, his tone measured.

“Twenty-one,” Henry replied.

Joel sighed. “I guess that’s old enough now, but you’re still a kid to me.”

Sarah would have been thirty-four now, he couldn’t help but think, if she had lived. Old enough to have kids of her own. He couldn’t let himself think about that, it was a grief that would no doubt incapacitate him if he let it. Still, his hand reached to cover his watch protectively.

“How old are you, then?” Henry asked, luckily pulling Joel from his thoughts.

“Too damn old,” Joel huffed. “Fifty-six, if you must know.”

“Oh, come on!” Henry replied, finding the levity less forced than he thought. “That’s not so old.”

As if on cue, Ellie cut in. “Joel! Hurry up, old man! I wanna get wherever we’re going before sunrise.”

Joel sighed. “Well since you don’t know where you’re going, why don’t you get back here?”

Ellie could sense the warning hidden in his words and tapped Sam on the shoulder, gesturing for him to follow her as she walked back.

“So what’s the plan?” she asked, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t get shut out again.

“Henry,” Joel said, “it’s your turn.”

“Alright,” he said, “so the FEDRA guy I was working with said there should be a motel not too far away. Said they used to use it as a base to smuggle drugs into the city. Said something about all the FEDRA soldiers needing a pill or two to get them to sleep.”

“Believe me,” the older man cut in, “I know all about that.”

“So you’re a dealer, huh?” Henry asked, smirking.

“Among other things,” he replied. “Smuggled whatever brought the best money. If that was oxy for FEDRA guys to sleep better at night? Well, I wasn’t gonna lose sleep over it none.”

Henry chuckled. “I respect the hustle, man.”

Sam waved to catch his attention. “How much longer?” he signed. “My feet hurt.”

“If Super Sam flies as fast as he can then not much longer!” Henry replied, exaggerating his expression as he signed Sam flying over the ground at super speed.

His little brother grinned. “Awesome!”

In truth, it ended up being closer to two miles than one and everyone’s feet hurt by the end of it. Joel insisted that he sweep the place himself, leaving Ellie to protect them as they waited outside. It was a little ridiculous to be protected by a fourteen-year-old girl, but then Henry had seen her take down a clicker by herself and he had to respect that.

“So, uh, you’re good with that gun, huh?” Henry asked to break the silence.

Ellie broke out into a grin. “Good enough, yeah. Not that Joel lets me get any fucking practice. He thinks I’ll shoot my ass off apparently.”

He chuckled. “That wouldn’t be good.”

Sam tapped his side. “What’re you saying?”

“We’re saying,” Henry said and signed, “how good Ellie is with that gun.”

“She’ll protect us?” he asked shyly, eyeing her.

Ellie smiled, though she didn’t know what Sam had said, holding her pistol up towards the sky. “Tell him you’re in good hands.”

Henry did so and Sam smiled. “How long is Joel going to take?”

Henry shrugged. “We’ve gotta make sure it’s safe.”

Turns out it wasn’t that much longer as Joel poked his head out of the door not two minutes later.

“All clear. No infected and from the looks of things, your FEDRA guy was runnin’ on old info 'cause it doesn’t look like anyone’s been here in weeks.”

“He’s not my FEDRA guy,” Henry sighed.

“Come on!” Ellie whined. “We’re hungry and I wanna take my shoes off.”

Sam looked over at her, awe painted all over his face. He nodded when she did. Henry smiled. He should feel jealous that his brother’s attention was being taken away. He had expected that. Instead, all he felt was relief that Sam was able to be around someone even vaguely close to his own age.

No one spoke as they set up their stuff for the night. Luckily there were beds for the two kids, who were happy enough to remain in each other’s company, leaving the adults to talk. Truthfully, Henry felt intimidated by Joel, especially without the kids as a buffer between them.

“You think they’ll be ok?” Henry asked warily, eyes fixed on the two kids as they read one of the comic books together - Ellie narrating uselessly and Sam somehow enthralled.

“Yeah, I think…it’s easier when you’re a kid anyway,” he looked over to Henry meaningfully. “You don’t have anybody else relying on you. That’s the hard part.”

He considered that. It would be easier mentally without someone relying on him, though he knew he wouldn’t prefer it.

“Well, I guess we’re doing a good job, then.”

“What’s that comic book say? ‘Endure and survive’?” Joel asked, following Henry’s gaze for a moment.

“Endure and survive,” Henry confirmed. “That shit’s redundant.”

“Yeah, it’s not great,” Joel agreed, smirking ever so slightly in that way Henry already knew was as close as the older man ever got to a smile.

Henry laughed. “No.”

Joel swallowed hard, steeling himself for what he was about to say. “Look, I don’t know exactly how we’re gettin’ to Wyoming. I’m probably walking, but you know, if you want to…”

“Yeah!” he was quick to agree. “Yeah,” he repeated, just to make sure. “Um, yeah, I think it’d be nice for Sam to have a friend. I’ll tell him in the morning. New day, new start.”

The older man nodded but didn’t reply.

“You know,” Joel said a little while later, once he was sure the kids were asleep, “I made a little discovery when I was lookin’ around.”

Henry smirked, eyeing him knowingly. “You found pills?”

“Better,” the older man replied, fishing around in his backpack.

“I’m not even gonna guess,” he said, still looking amused.

It took Joel a moment to find it in the recesses of his pack, but he eventually pulled out a large and untouched bottle of whiskey. He held it up for inspection.

“This place was for more than smuggling drugs, clearly,” Joel said.

“Damn…” he replied, letting out a low whistle, “looks good.”

“You a whiskey fan, kid?” Joel asked.

Henry laughed. “I’m a fan of whatever I can get my hands on.”

“Pragmatic. I appreciate that,” he said. “Wanna split this?”

“Fuck yeah!” Henry enthused before looking at the open door where the kids were sleeping guiltily. “Did I wake up Ellie? I’m too used to sound not mattering.”

Joel snorted. “Nah. If you had, Ellie would be in here asking for a swig.”

“I’ll take your word for that,” though in truth, Henry had no problem in believing that. Ellie was a firecracker of a girl.

It didn’t take more than forty minutes for the two of them to practically empty the bottle. Joel, for his part, was simply too bone tired to care about being sober. Besides, he had a feeling that every infected for miles was still at that damn street where everything had gone south not three hours ago. Henry didn’t have as much as Joel since whiskey turned out not to be to his liking, but the kid sure did make a good effort all the same.

“God,” Henry sighed out of nowhere, swaying slightly in place, “I’m so fucking glad we made it out of there. It was pretty dicey for a bit.”

Joel hummed in agreement, tipping his head back against the wall. “Ain’t seen a massive pack of infected attack like that in I don’t know how long.”

He leaned forward, his interest piqued. “My parents, uh, told me about that,” he paused, his brain slowly figuring out how best to continue. “A bit, I mean. They, uh, didn’t talk about it much. The beginning, I mean.”

“Trust me, kid,” Joel said, groaning as he got more comfortable. “If you’d have been there, you wouldn’t wanna talk about it, either.”

“Come on!” Henry cajoled. “I’m pretty damn curious and no one will ever tell me what happened. Not really.”

“For good reason,” Joel insisted.

“I’m being for real,” the younger man protested, the alcohol making him a touch louder than he should have been. “I deserve to know, man.”

Joel frowned. His natural reaction of pushing the subject away was warring with an equally strong alcohol-fuelled desire to spill his guts. Joel could feel that Henry was filled with questions, so much like Ellie always was - must be the curiosity of youth. This time, though, he felt more obliged to share. This wasn’t someone whose innocence he felt like needed to protect. And he was still twitching from the adrenaline of it all. It couldn’t hurt to share a few war stories, right?

“Alright,” he said, acquiescing to Henry’s demands with a long sigh, “so, I was in Texas when the world went to shit. And I’ve been around enough to know that some places had it worse than others and well…Texas was way up there with New York and LA,” he grimaced, but forced himself to go on. “In the first few weeks, before the government, not FEDRA - before that, before they managed to bomb everything. They were roundin’ up civilians and evacuatin’ towns and who they couldn’t fit in the QZs they killed.”

Henry nodded, that much he knew, though he didn’t interrupt. The older adults in his life so rarely talked about this.

“They tried to kill everyone who was infected or might become infected or whatever,” Joel continued, his gaze distant, “but it didn’t work. God, I remember seein’ packs of hundreds of them. Coulda been thousands. They’d come like swarms of locusts. Mindlessly attacking the walls as the army firebombed them and whatever they could think of to do. They’d…” he swallowed, “the bodies of the dead infected got so high that they were able to scale the wall in Georgetown where I was. Damn near overran the whole fucking place.”

Henry shuddered. “I can’t even imagine…”

Joel shook his head. “I reckon you can imagine alright, but it won’t come close to the truth. Look at it this way,” he said, “there are just a lot less infected around than there were back then. Plenty of ‘em have died by now. Plus, there’s less people to make more of them. But back then…back when everyone was soft and there were whole cities bursting with infected... Spreading and multiplying…it wasn’t a good time for us.”

“No,” he agreed, almost wishing that he hadn’t pushed the subject. “I’m glad I don’t remember.”

Joel chucked humourlessly. “Wish I didn’t remember either. The army did just as much damage as the infected. More, I reckon. Everyone was so eager to come out on top, to be the firm hand that put this infection down, it was a goddamn bloodbath.”

“Yeah,” Henry replied, hardly able to bring himself to contemplate it. “I bet.”

The older man didn’t reply, rattled by how much he had spoken already. Henry, however, found himself unable to shut up.

“But maybe that’s a good sign! That there’s, um, less and less infected all the time, I mean,” he clarified. “Maybe,” he continued, looking over to where Ellie and Sam were sleeping, “maybe one day they’ll all just…die. I hope they live to see that.”

“So you’re not hopin’ for a vaccine?” Joel replied.

“Shit,” Henry chuckled, “that would be nice. Doubt it, though. Are you?”

The older man shrugged. “I don’t hope.”

He nodded. “Shoulda guessed.”

“Hopin’ is for fools. One step away from having your damn heart broken,” he said roughly.

“We’d, uh, better get some sleep,” Henry replied, eager to change the subject since he didn’t want his buzz ruined. “We’ve gotta be up early and I don’t know about you but I need to sleep the booze off.”

Joel chuckled. “Fine idea. I reckon I need to do the same.”

It’s got me talking too damn much, he thought bitterly to himself as he settled down for the night, using his backpack as a pillow. The floor wasn’t doing his back any favours, nor was it helping the ache in his shoulder from using that damn sniper rifle earlier. Still, he was worn out and old and sleep came to him easily. For the first time in a long time, Joel didn’t worry about sleeping on his left ear. Henry would no doubt hear anyone coming.

Joel was woken the next morning by the sound of cacophonous laughter. He groaned, feigning annoyance as he took a look at the scene in front of him. It didn’t take long to realise that Ellie and Sam were playing make-believe and had commandeered Henry as the villain for their game.

“Hands up, General!” Ellie called out grandly. “You can’t get out of this one.”

Henry narrowed his eyes, his hands moving as he spoke. “You haven’t beaten me yet.”

He sat up blearily, still being roundly ignored. Joel didn’t want to interrupt them, but they didn’t exactly have time to spare.

“Come on,” he said gruffly. “We’re burnin’ daylight and we’ve got a lot of ground to cover.”

Henry’s face grew serious. “Yeah,” he said, stepping away from where he had been cowering behind an overturned desk, “you’re right.”

Ellie groaned. “You two are no fucking fun,” she turned to Sam. “Right, Sam?”

Sam nodded bemusedly.

“See!” she enthused. “Sam agrees with me.”

Joel was just about to reply when Henry beat him to it.

“Aren’t you two hungry?”

The two children looked between each other conspiratorially in that magical wordless way they seemed to have.

“Fine, you’ve won us over…for now,” Ellie replied, smirking.

Henry chuckled. “We don’t have much, but it’ll have to do.”

“Sure, man,” Ellie said quickly. “I knew that.”

It was a meagre breakfast, but Ellie had never been fussy with her food. She could never have survived FEDRA school if she had been. It was a dog-eat-dog world in there and you took what you could get and you ate it before anyone could take it off of you.

“So,” Henry said meaningfully as he signed, looking between her and Sam, “me and Joel have been talking and…”

Ellie held her breath, hardly even daring to hope.

“We figured there’s safety in numbers and we should stick together. They’re going to Wyoming, Sam,” he said, spelling out the word carefully. “Figured, well, shit, it’s not like we have anywhere else to go.”

Sam let out a whoop of joy as the news sunk in which Ellie echoed. She didn’t know who she wanted to hug more. Maybe a group hug was in order? No, Joel would never go for that. Still, she shot a pleading look at him. Joel’s answering blank stare was all she needed to know.

“Come here,” Henry said as if reading her mind before signing. “Gimme a hug.”

Sam launched himself into his brother’s arms, but Henry reached out to pull Ellie in as well. It was awkward and short-lived but none of them minded.

“We gotta eat and then head off,” Joel said before adding. “Quickly.”

Henry nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

“Whatever you say, boss,” Ellie snarked. “Let’s eat about two atoms of dry old beef jerky and get to making new blisters, shall we? Oh, joy…”

Though Ellie had been mostly joking when she had been trying to annoy Joel, it turned out that her prediction hadn’t been too far off from the truth. They needed to scavenge up some food and fast. Not for the first time, Ellie found herself grateful for Joel’s obvious expertise. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been wrong about getting new blisters, either. There was only so much that doubling up on socks could do. Still, she was determined not to complain. Joel didn’t seem to be having any issues, leading the pack as he was.

“Hey, Henry,” she asked to take her mind off of her feet as they walked, “what do you remember about before?”

He frowned. “Before what?”

“You know,” she said meaningfully, sidling up closer towards him, “before.”

“Oh!” Henry replied, his eyes flicking to the sky for a moment. “What do you wanna know?”

Ellie shrugged, overwhelmed by the choice. “I don’t know. Um, what was your favourite stuff back then?”

He hummed in consideration. Briefly, he caught Joel’s eye, who looked at him with an expression as if to say ‘Well? What’ve you got, kid?’.

“Where to start?” Henry said dramatically, grabbing Sam’s attention with a tap to the shoulder. “There used to be this ice cream truck that would go round my neighbourhood, right?” He said before signing, “You remember me telling you, don’t you, Sam?”

The little boy nodded enthusiastically, he loved these stories. His brother didn’t tell them often but he soaked it up every time even if it was one he’d heard before, like now.

“The truck would drive around and this song would play and all the kids knew that meant ice cream. So I’d run and grab my mom and get her to give me whatever change she had so I could sprint towards the truck along with all the other kids,” he paused to chuckle, though his hands twitched in the air as if they had a life of their own, eager to continue. “Damn, the ice cream man was fucking evil or something, ‘cause he’d always just roll along and let us all run behind him for just a bit too long, you know?”

Ellie giggled. “I can imagine that. But seriously, you’re not shitting me? A dude drove around and all the kids would run out and buy ice cream?”

“I mean, it wasn’t exclusively kids,” Henry said defensively, quickly translating Ellie’s comment for Sam. “But yeah. It was the best part about summer. Almost made the boiling hot days worth it just ‘cause you knew the ice cream truck was gonna show up.”

Henry went on to regale the two kids at length about stories of boyhood fun and outings to the zoo with his parents and going strawberry picking. Anything he could think of to keep the smiles on their faces. Eventually, they got bored, preferring to play amongst themselves, leaving Henry to himself. At least, until Joel fell back so they were in step with each other.

“You were what, one, when the shit went down?” he asked cynically, dry amusement colouring his tone.

Henry sighed. “Your math skills haven’t failed you.”

“So you don’t remember any of that shit,” he replied.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ve heard enough stories to make it seem like I do. I can almost picture it sometimes, like I was really there,” he said wistfully.

“Why not tell ‘em you don’t remember?” Joel prodded.

“Isn’t it better to give them something nice to think about?” Henry replied, shrugging. “I just lied to Ellie like I do to Sam. Shit’s easy.”

Joel snorted. “Yeah,” he agreed. “You’ve gotta lie to your kids some, I reckon.”

“It’s harmless,” he said.

“Those kids are awful quiet,” Joel mused, looking behind him to where they were straggling behind a little, heads miraculously buried in a comic as they walked.

“How much longer till we can have a fucking rest?” Ellie groaned.

Henry snorted. “You jinxed it, man.”

“Go to hell, Henry,” he replied, all bark and no bite.

Henry wasn’t put off though. Instead, he nudged Joel playfully in the ribs. “They’re gonna be terrors for the rest of the day now ‘cause of you. Accept it. You might as well take a break now.”

“Hey,” Joel replied, “if your feet hurt, just say so, kid.”

“Fuck you, man,” he laughed. “My feet are fine.”

Joel rolled his eyes. “If you say so.” He sighed. “Alright, might as well have a rest.”

“Thank fuck!” Ellie replied.

“A short rest,” he emphasised.

Ellie groaned but didn’t protest as they veered off from the road to find some trees to sit under. Henry followed behind, finally catching up with him Sam as Joel took the rear, gun ready in his hands.

Chapter Text

“Is it difficult?” Ellie asked when one night when they were camped out in a dilapidated gas station. 

Henry turned to look at her. “Hmm? Signing?”

She nodded. 

“Nah,” he replied. “I mean, it’s not an easy language to master, but if you just wanna get your point across, that ain’t that hard. If you don’t mind being technically wrong, I mean.”

Ellie looked over to Sam, who had his head buried in one of her comic books. “I just wanna be able to talk to him properly, you know? Not just writing shit down all the time.”

“That’s awesome!” Henry enthused. He tapped on the floor, the vibration making Sam look up from the comic. “Ellie says she wants the learn ASL.” 

“Really?” Sam grinned. “That’s awesome!” 

“What should we start with?” Ellie asked. 

They had never had language lessons of any kind at FEDRA school. In fact, Ellie had only known it had ever been a thing from the references in the sparse movies that they were allowed to watch during their downtime. Kids complaining about their Spanish lessons. She had never understood that, wouldn’t you be happy to get the chance to learn a whole other way of seeing the world? 

“How about we start with the basics?” Henry chuckled. 

“Yeah, I mean, I know a few that Sam taught me,” she said, looking over to Sam. “Endure. Survive.”

“Endure and survive,” Sam signed back enthusiastically. 

“Cool,” Henry said. “Let’s start with the alphabet. Cause then, if you don’t know a sign, you can just spell it out and one of us can tell you.”

“That’s cool, yeah, let’s do that,” Ellie replied. happily.

Henry spent the next half an hour teaching Ellie the basics with Sam as an effective assistant. His little brother signed more fluently than him in any case, so it was no doubt better that Ellie had Sam to learn from as well. The difference was simple: ASL was Sam’s first language and Henry’s second. 

“I think I’m getting it!” Ellie said, looking down at her hands as if they didn’t belong to her. 

“You’re picking it up quick,” Henry replied, not having to feign his enthusiasm. 

“I won’t need you to translate for me soon,” she continued happily.

“No,” he agreed, returning her smile, “you won’t.”

Henry had hated how Sam had been treated by the other children in Kansas City. The bullying had been one, terrible thing, but the complete disregard had been worse. Sam had tried to be strong, but Henry could see how it affected him. No one had been willing to write things down to talk to him and so no one spoke to him at all. The thing he had hated the most was how quickly his little brother had gotten used to it. 

Ellie flexed her fingers as she tried spelling out the alphabet again. The ‘p’ and the ‘q’ were the most difficult ones for her to get the hang of but she was confident that she would get it eventually. Henry had told her that the best way to learn was to just try using the signs she knew and asking for any signs she didn’t by spelling them out instead of asking verbally. 

“Hopefully, you won’t need to ask for any eventually,” Henry said. 

“Here’s to hoping,” Ellie replied bashfully. 

Out of the corner of Henry’s eye, he could just make out Joel observing them, though his attention was still seemingly fixed on his rifle. A few days ago, he would have left the older man to himself, but now Henry felt far more comfortable to try and get him involved with things. 

“Do you wanna learn too?” Henry asked hopefully. 

“I don’t know if this old dog can learn any new tricks,” Joel replied uncertainly. 

“You think?” he replied. “Worth a try.”

Joel shrugged. “Perhaps.”

In the end, Henry managed to get to join. The older man was a surprisingly quick learner and was quickly able to do the simple “hi, how are you” stuff which was a little surprising.

Sam’s broad grin, threatening to get stuck that way with how ever-present it was, had Henry smiling in response. Maybe there was more hope for his little brother out there than he had been led to believe.

Over the next few days, both Ellie and Joel put more effort than he had been expecting into learning sign. Ellie picked it up with the aplomb that children seemed to have while Joel, if not as quick to jump into signed conversation, definitely understood more than he let on. 

“That building looks like a good place to get a bird’s eye view of the area, I reckon,” Joel said, gesturing to what was once an office building. 

Henry nodded. “Yeah, I agree.”

Ellie pouted. “Seems pretty useless to me,” she said before turning to sign to Sam. “You wanna go up there?”

The young boy looked at the building, craning his neck, before shaking his head quickly.

Henry groaned. “Sam,” he signed, “come on, man. It’ll help us figure out where to go. Might save us some walking.” 

“Boring!” Ellie signed, rolling her eyes dramatically. 

“Henry,” Joel cut in, “tell those two to quit gripin’. The sooner we start the sooner we finish.” 

“You tell them yourself,” he replied. “You understood them just fine.”

Joel looked annoyed but did as Henry suggested. “Shut up. Both of you. We go.” 

Sam nodded, looking overawed but Ellie was less impressed. 

“This had better be worth it,” Ellie muttered. 

The four of them entered the building with trepidation. Like every other building in America outside of some very select QZs, it was utterly derelict, overtaken by nature. It had clearly been looted as Joel was unable to see anything even vaguely useful. Still, he kept an eye out just in case. 

It was his MO to find high ground and scout out the area around him, especially in places that he didn’t know like this. Ellie, despite her complaining, was well used to it and Henry wasn’t going to question Joel’s judgement on anything. It was a lot of pressure and not what he was used to at all. He was far more used to playing second fiddle to first Tommy and then Tess. He knew just what she would say if she was here. 

“So, you’ve decided to open a damn kindergarten now? I thought you didn’t like kids.”

He shook his head ruefully as he thought about it. No, this ragtag bunch of children wasn’t what he was used to at all. Henry, despite being twenty-one, fell firmly into that category for him as well. Sure, he was technically an adult but Joel was old enough to be his father and Henry was certainly not as worldly as he was. Or even as much as Ellie in some ways. He was far more violence averse for one thing. 

Ellie knew to stick close to Joel, following in his metaphorical footsteps, trusting him to keep her safe. It had been something that she had done long before she had liked or even fully trusted him. Sam kept close to her in what she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be a similar way and Henry brought up the rear, constantly looking over his shoulder for danger.

The stairs were run down but useable. The first two flights went without incident, but Ellie felt something off on the third floor. The smell of fungus, perhaps, or maybe an ominous quiet. Joel must have picked up on it too as he wordlessly gestured for them to come to a stop. Their conversation, which had been in low tones, stopped entirely. 

Joel looked over to Henry. “I don’t know what’s in there but I think there’s something.”

“Runner?” he asked, eyes wide.

“Maybe,” he replied, grimacing. “You stay with Ellie and Sam, I’ll go check it out.”

“But, Joel!” Ellie protested.

“No,” the older man said firmly, “you have to protect them.”

The words, truthful or not, seemed to placate her. 

“I’ll be quick,” Joel said, all calm authority. 

He slunk away, leaving the three of them behind. Ellie quickly fished out her gun from her backpack, checking that it was loaded and taking the safety off just in case. Henry took his gun out too, though he wasn’t sure how well he would be able to use it if it came to it. 

Minutes went by in horrific silence. No one moved. Ellie kept her eyes on the doorway, Joel having long since passed from view. There was nothing there, but that did nothing to calm her down. No visible danger only meant that she was missing something, she knew that all too well. 

Her fears were proven right when a cry rang out through the building, echoing off of the walls as it faded into a rasp. Ellie stiffened, meeting Henry’s gaze. 

“Clickers,” Ellie spelt out the word slowly with her fingers, looking down at her hand to make sure that she got it right. “You know them?”

Henry nodded. “Never seen one.” 

“Sam,” Ellie signed, “they can’t see but they can hear. We have to be quiet,” she put a finger to her lips to illustrate her point. 

Sam nodded, reaching out to grab Henry’s hand. 

“What do we do?” Henry asked, fully prepared to let this fourteen-year-old girl call the shots.

Ellie considered for a moment. She could try and be a badass and go out there and try and take the thing down, but she didn’t know if there were more of them and Joel was out there too. She couldn’t afford to put him in danger.

“Wait,” she signed, pushing down the fear-induced nausea building in her gut.

Henry nodded. “Joel will take care of it,” he said, not sure who he was trying to convince. 

So the three of them waited. Henry and Ellie listened hard for any telltale sounds while Sam just clung onto his brother, quivering with fear. All they could hear were the sickening croaks of the clicker as it lurched around the office. Joel, wherever he was, was silent.

The sound of something hitting the floor and the clicker crying out as it tried to find whatever it was. Ellie still couldn’t see anything, but she was tired of waiting so she began to enter the room. Henry gripped her by the sleeve tightly. 

“Wait,” she signed. 

“It’s not safe,” Sam protested desperately. 

Ellie shook her head, pulling herself free. “I’ll be fine. Endure and survive, remember?” 

She didn’t wait for his reply, couldn’t wait. There was suddenly no time. The silence of the office had been broken by a grunt and the excited cries of the clicker. She took off at a run in the direction of the noise. It didn’t take her long to find it. Joel was on his back, the clicker snarling and snapping on top of him. He had a knife in the clicker’s neck, but it was taking a while for the creature to go down. 

“Hey!” Ellie yelled at the top of her lungs. 

That was enough to momentarily distract the clicker as Joel kicked at it hard, sending it sprawling backwards, backing up himself to create some more distance. Joel didn’t go after it, though. He was too busy getting his breath back. What he had thought would be a relatively easy affair had turned out to be anything but. That particular clicker was a hardy fucker, must’ve been a good few years old. His arms ached and he felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. Was it exhaustion or one of his panics coming on? He couldn’t tell. It didn’t seem to matter as the clicker soon got its bearings back and was coming at him again, slower this time as it had lost him, his knife still sticking out of its neck. The clicks it was letting out now were confused, almost mournful. Ellie would wonder if it could feel pain, he was sure. He had no time for thoughts like that. 

Ellie watched Joel lying there in confusion but didn’t let it bother her. If he wasn’t going to take it down, then it was up to her. She took out her gun, but Joel waved his hands quickly. 

“No,” he signed shakily, holding up two fingers. 

Ice filled her veins. Instead, she grabbed her knife quickly and lept on the thing, stabbing it hard once then twice in the throat. That was, finally, enough to kill it for good. Taking both her and Joel’s knife back, she returned to him. 

“There’s two?” Ellie asked nervously. “Where?” 

But the question was soon proved to be superfluous as there came another scream, almost like this other clicker understood what had happened and was out for revenge. Joel was on his feet quickly. He grabbed Ellie and pulled her under a desk just as the clicker burst through into the office, screaming and lurching around in a desperate attempt to find them. 

“I’ll go,” he signed, taking his knife back from her roughly. 

Ellie shook her head vigorously. “Let me help!” 

“No, it’s not safe.”

“Fuck that! We do this together,” she met his eye fiercely. “Together.” 

Joel nodded reluctantly. “I’ll go left, you go right.” 

Ellie nodded, not so much smiling as bearing her teeth as she gripped her knife tighter. 

The clicker, she saw when she poked her head around the desk, was large. She could just make out a badge shining in the low light. Had he been a security guard before? A police officer? It didn’t matter, she knew that but she was still curious. Whatever the clicker had been, it was massive now. At least six foot four and broad, though the fungus sprouting from its skull pushed it to six foot seven. Too big for Joel to take down with any sort of ease. Regardless of what he would have wanted, this was going to have to be a two-man job.  

“Ready?” Ellie asked, keeping her face purposely blank. 

Joel had wanted her to go behind the clicker, but she knew out of the two of them, it would be safer for her to be in front. So she ignored his horrified look as she disobeyed him and went in the opposite direction of what they had agreed on. She picked up a stapler in her left hand, her knife still firmly in her right as she crept along. She didn’t know what Joel was doing and she couldn’t look to check. Her gaze was arrested by the clicker. 

It was looking right at her or would have been if it could have seen anything. The fungus had ripped its face in two, making her wince in sympathy despite herself. Before she could grow too nervous, Ellie tossed the stapler to her right. It struck the ground hard, clattering along and coming to rest against the side of a cubicle. 

The clicker stopped, turning to face the sound. Ellie watched it carefully, her heart thrumming in her chest so hard it might as well have stopped. Just as it took a step towards the noise, she made her move. She tried to sink the knife between the plates of fungus that served as its armour, but she had misjudged somehow and the knife skidded along ineffectually. She didn’t have time to give up though, so she wrapped an arm around its neck in the hope that it would be unable to bite her like that. 

Joel watched as Ellie grappled with the hulking clicker in horror. He should have known that she wouldn’t listen to him, should have planned for it. But he hadn’t and now he was watching her quickly losing this fight. Joel didn’t think through what he was going to do. He just gripped the clicker by the shoulders, pulling it backwards as he braced a foot behind its knees. 

The monster fell backwards with a shriek, Ellie falling with it. But Ellie was ready this time. The knife may not have found purchase on its neck, but she was easily able to drive it home in the blown out eye socket. She slammed the knife down with all of her strength, her grip failing her at the end as the knife slipped through her fist as her hands came to rest in the gore covering its face. The damage was done, though. The weapon was wedged firmly in the lifeless clicker’s skull. 

She looked up at Joel, panting. “We killed the fuck out of those clickers, huh?” 

Joel winced. “Come on, Ellie.”

“What?” she replied, affronted. “Not even a thank you?”

“I shouldn’t have needed your damn help,” he muttered. 

“We’re a team, asshole.” 

Ellie stewed quietly as she followed Joel back. God, she needed to wash her hands or even just wipe them on something. Why couldn’t he just thank her for her help like a normal person? It wasn’t like she was expecting an “I’m proud of you” speech, but was a small bit of thanks too much to ask for? Clearly. 

“Is it all clear?” Henry asked the moment he caught sight of them. 

Joel nodded. “Reckon so. If there were any other infected around, the noise woulda drawn them here.” 

The younger man let out a sigh of relief. “We’re ok now,” he signed to his brother. 

Joel took a solacing breath, leaning down to tap Sam on the shoulder. The little boy looked up at him nervously but didn’t shy away like he would have done before. 

“Your brother is right. We’re safe now.” 

Ellie nodded, glad she had wiped the worst of the gore from her hands on an old office chair before getting over to them.

“I am cool as hell, right?” she asked.

Sam smiled broadly. “You killed them?” 

“Me and Joel,” she replied.

Joel snorted. “Mostly you,” he said before remembering himself and signing, “All her.” 

“You’re a superhero!” he enthused.

Henry chuckled to himself, his heart swelling at the interaction. “We need to go, right, Joel?” he signed. 

Joel nodded, walking towards the stairs. 

“You know,” Henry said significantly, “you’ve both gotten a lot better at signing.” 

“It’s cool!” Ellie replied.

“It has its uses,” Joel added. 

“They like signing,” Henry translated. 

“Yeah,” Ellie said, speaking and signing in much the way Henry so often did, “back there,” she said, pausing as she tried to think of the sign before just opting to act it out, “we used sign to decide what we were gonna do. The clicker had no idea what was happening. We talked it out and then pounced and I stabbed the hell out the thing.” 

“That’s a funny way of sayin’ you disobeyed me,” Joel snarked, not turning to look back at them, 

“Asshole,” she signed before continuing as she had been before. “It was super…how do you say useful, Henry?”

Henry dutifully supplied the sign. 

“Super useful,” Ellie continued.

“I’m glad,” he replied.

“Not as glad as we were back there I can tell you!” she replied, her bad mood officially dissipated. 

“I think it might be worth setting up for the night soon,” Joel said, ignoring the conversation, both signed and spoken, going on behind him. 

“Not in here, surely,” Henry replied nervously.

“Nah.” “No.” Joel and Ellie said at the same time. 

“We should see somewhere to bunker down for the night from up here,” the older man continued, resolutely ignoring Ellie giggling behind him.

Henry let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I was worried.”

Chapter Text

Ellie’s arm hurt. Surreptitiously, she pushed her sleeve up to have a look at the bite. Just like the other one, it looked perfectly normal. Or maybe that was what made it abnormal. It all depends on how you look at it. 

They had run into a few runners a few hours ago and Ellie had managed to get bitten in the process. Fuck, if she wasn’t immune, she would be dead long ago just from how reckless she was. Joel was right, her being immune to cordyceps didn’t make her immune from being ripped apart.

Joel said they were coming up to Lexington, somewhere in Nebraska apparently. They were keeping up a good pace despite Sam slowing them down a little. Ellie really had to hand it to the kid, he didn’t complain. 

“Do you think there’ll be people here?” Henry asked. 

“I hope not,” Joel replied, “but we’d better assume the worst.”

“They could be nice people, you know,” he replied, though he didn’t believe it himself. 

“I’m just glad we didn’t get eaten back there,” Ellie added.

Joel sighed long-sufferingly. “Don’t joke about that stuff, Ellie.” 

“Not much else to joke about,” she replied. “Unless you want me to get my book of puns out again.”

“That isn’t gonna be necessary,” Henry cut in quickly. “You wouldn’t be able to translate it for Sam anyway.” 

“You could,” Ellie countered.

“One, it doesn’t work like that which you know. And two, no I won’t,” he said, smirking at her affronted expression.

“Ugh, you’re boring just like Joel,” she complained before muttering under her breath, “Can’t even translate a damn pun.”

Joel rolled his eyes but didn’t comment, too busy trying to think through the best way to approach matters. A place like Lexington would have to have a band of survivors if not its own QZ. Whoever it was that was there, Joel’s ideal plan would be to avoid them. But they were running low on all of their supplies and it might be beneficial to do some trading. Henry wanted to, Joel knew that. Though he also knew Henry would defer to him in the end.

“Come on, we’d better get going. We’re killin’ daylight right now,” Joel said, picking up his pace.

“Sure,” Henry replied, tapping Sam on the shoulder. “Come on.” 

They kept a good pace, only marginally slowed by Sam’s shorter legs and the fact that they needed to keep an eye out for anything that they might need. There wasn’t likely to be anything but they were desperate. 

Ellie brought up the rear of the group. She liked to think that it was an unspoken agreement between her and Joel to keep the other two safe but really she knew that it was just because he hadn’t noticed. The streets seemed deserted of both humans and infected. Not even any animals. Something about that made her wary. As if the lack of movement was an ill omen. 

“It’s too quiet, Joel,” she said, hoping that he would put her mind at ease. 

“Agreed,” the older man replied bluntly. “Someone or something has run this area clean through recently. Can’t be far off, neither.”

“Like what?” Henry asked nervously. 

“Well, it ain’t likely to be infected,” Joel said. “Animals don’t run from infected areas.” 

“Just great,” Ellie muttered. “Just what we need - more assholes out to kill us.”

“We keep on our guard and we don’t do anything stupid,” he replied. 

“Ok,” she agreed, her eyes scanning their surroundings carefully. 

Another ten minutes went by in tense silence for everyone. Even Sam seemed to have picked up on the change in mood. Henry wanted to comfort him, but he wasn’t sure what he could say and he didn’t want to lie and say that they were safe.

They had almost made it through the bulk of the build-up in the city centre when Joel heard it. The sound of guns being cocked. Joel and Ellie both whipped around, their guns out as they looked for the danger while Henry gripped Sam and shoved the boy behind him. It was useless, really, since he didn’t know if there were people behind him but he felt like he needed to do something.

Joel had known that it was coming. Still, he hadn’t been prepared. He cursed himself as he looked back and saw that Ellie was too far for him to get over to her quickly. 

“Don’t move!” a female voice shouted aggressively. 

Before Joel could fully comprehend what was going on, they were surrounded. 

“What are you doing here?” the woman, a harsh-looking forty-something, asked. 

“Just passing through,” Joel replied with a forced air of calm.

She narrowed her eyes. “Right,” she replied, clearly not believing him. 

“We’re not here to cause any trouble,” he continued. 

The woman ignored Joel entirely, signalling for a group of them to approach. Ellie fought to keep calm as they drew close. The dogs were eager to get to them, and she wondered if they were attack dogs like they had back at the QZ. 

“Check them to see if any are infected,” the woman said to one of the men holding a leash. 

Joel stilled, his lungs utterly incapable of emptying themselves. They were frozen just like the rest of him as he watched the dog approach. He couldn’t even close his eyes to hide from what was going to happen. The dog would smell the cordyceps on her and alert these people and Ellie would die. Joel knew it, but he couldn’t move in order to do anything about it.

It felt like hours passed as the dogs came up to sniff at them all. Long enough for him to hope that maybe the dogs wouldn’t pick up on it, that whatever it was that made her immune also meant that they wouldn’t smell it on her. But no, Joel watched as one took a special interest in Ellie, sniffing at her intently. He closed his eyes tightly, not able to breathe. He couldn’t watch. 

Ellie briefly looked over to Joel as the dog sniffed at her legs. She could tell that he was beginning to panic, but she wasn’t worried. She knew these dogs. If it had smelled anything on her, it would have alerted its handlers before now. She wanted to say something to comfort him but couldn’t. All she could do was pat the dog between the ears and hope that Joel would look at it and see that everything was fine. 

Even after the moment with the dogs had passed and they were allowed to walk through with an escort to make sure that they didn’t cause any trouble, Henry kept Sam close, holding onto his hand tightly. Joel seemed tense but was keeping his cool and so Henry was trying to do the same. It would be fine, he was mostly sure. If they wanted to kill them, they would have done so by now. 

No one spoke. Ellie didn’t dare to sign even though she was filled with an urge to comfort Sam, who was looking terrified. At the pace they were going, it wouldn’t be too long until they were on the other side anyway. Her feet hurt but now didn’t feel like the time to complain. 

When they finally reached the edge of the city, the people escorting them left without ceremony. Joel was under no illusions, however. They were still being watched. 

“We were fucking lucky, huh Joel?” Ellie said, exhilaration colouring her tone.

Joel let out a shuddering sigh. “We need to keep movin’. We ain’t got much daylight left and we need to find somewhere safe for the night.” 

Ellie frowned, not sure what was going on with him, but she dropped it. Sam still looked nervous and Henry wasn’t doing a good job of comforting him as he seemed to be in a similar state himself, so it left it up to her to calm them both down. Her hands moved fast as they walked, assuring them that if they were going to be hurt by those people, that it would have happened by now. 

“Joel knows what he doing,” Ellie signed quickly, gesturing to the man in question. “We’re ok.” 

Henry nodded. Ellie seemed convinced at least, which was good enough for him. Joel still seemed shaken up by the whole thing for reasons that he couldn’t even begin to fathom. Henry had seen him take down clickers with not even a hint of bother. What had made this different? He had dropped the topic in his mind until he saw Joel make a beeline for the corner of the room the moment that they had set their stuff out for the night. The sight of his sitting there, very obviously hyperventilating, was enough to leave Henry frozen in place.

“Ellie,” he hissed under his breath. 

She turned to look at him, frowning. “What?”

Henry poked a thumb at Joel. “What’s going on with him?”

Her frown deepened. “No clue,” she said, standing. “I’ll go check.”

Ellie made her way over to him in a few short strides. There wasn’t enough room for him to go far, even so, she knew that he had his mental walls up. Joel must have heard her approaching but he didn’t look up. 

“Joel?” she asked. Nothing. “Joel?” 

After a beat, he met her eye. His expression was carefully blank but she could make out the emotion in his eyes. 

“Gimme a minute, kid,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Talk to me, Joel,” Ellie said firmly, sliding down the wall so she was sitting next to him, her feet drawn up to her chest. She leant her head on her knees and looked at him intently. 

Joel sighed. “It’s fine.”

“You don’t seem fine. Don’t bullshit me!” she hissed. “I’m not stupid. Something happened back there that spooked you.” 

“And how come you’re so calm? Huh?” the older man retorted. 

Henry looked over to see the two of them talking. If he listened properly, he could probably make out what they were saying. Instead, he tapped Sam on the shoulder and got him to move to the other side of the room with him to help go through their stuff. He was going to let that wait until the morning, but it was as good an excuse as any to give them as much privacy as he could manage in such a small space. 

“We’re fine now, Joel,” Ellie said, unsure how to handle this. His hands were shaking. 

“Those dogs could have sniffed you out!” Joel replied hotly, his mask of indifference finally breaking as his breath turned to half-broken puffs. “They should have sniffed you out. I…I don’t know how they didn’t. I should have protected you.”

Ellie frowned. “How? They’d have shot you if you’d have tried anything. You couldn’t have done anything.” 

Joel’s head fell back against the peeling mould-covered wall with a thunk. “Doesn’t feel like that, kid.”

Henry came over to them, then, looking sheepish. “Sam’s gone to bed. Are…are you two alright?”

Ellie sighed with the weight of more stress than any fourteen-year-old should have to have borne. “I…Joel?” she said, turning to look at him.

The older man shrugged, looking half-gone with exhaustion. “If you reckon you wanna tell ‘im, I ain’t gonna stop ya.”

“Ok,” she said, looking as though she was psyching herself up for something. “You should sit down first. And, um, I’m not lying about anything, just before we get started.”

Henry raised an eyebrow. “That’s a hell of a way to start off a talk.”

Joel chuckled mirthlessly, though his eyes remained closed. 

Ellie took a deep breath. She knew what Henry’s reaction was going to be. She had seen it in Marlene and Joel and Tessa, after all. It was up to her to convince him. 

“I’m immune,” she said in a rush of air.

Henry frowned. “What?”

“To…to cordyceps. I’m immune.” 

“That’s impossible. No one’s immune! If they were, then…” he trailed off, staring at her blankly. 

She had known that it would go like this. “That’s why Joel had been acting weird. It was the dogs. He was worried they’d smell it on me but they didn’t for some reason. We don’t know why.”

“How do you know you’re immune?” he asked, though, in truth, he was half convinced that the two of them had suffered some sort of concurrence psychotic break.

Ellie huffed, pushing her sleeve up to reveal the bite. “Look! This is months old and I’m fine, see? And I can breathe in spores with no effect. Tell him, Joel.”

Joel opened his eyes briefly. “She’s right. That’s why we’re on this trip. The Fireflies think they can ‘reverse engineer’ a cure from her blood or something like that.”

Henry was hardly listening to them, though. He was too busy staring at the ugly bite mark on Ellie’s forearm. It had healed over for the most part but the skin was puckered. It was human, alright. Or, well, infected. No animal could have made that mark. 

“And I was bitten earlier today,” she added, showing the wound on her hand. “If it was anyone else, you’d see the infection under my skin already, right?”

Henry nodded absentmindedly. “I still don’t know how you expect me to believe you.”

“It took me a while to believe it myself,” Joel said, finally sitting up from where he had been slumped against the wall. “But I’ve seen this girl get bit and go through spores like it’s nothing. It’s real, Henry.” 

The young man let out a shuddering breath. “And you’re going to help make a cure. I…I don’t know why you took us with you, then. I mean, I’m grateful. Of course, I’m grateful, but me and Sam are hardly anything more than dead weight.”

“You’re not dead weight!” Ellie protested. 

Joel knew what Henry meant, though. Ellie was idealistic but the world was a lot more black and white than she liked to believe. At least when it came to things like this. There was useful and there was dead weight. Not a lot of in between. 

“We’ll get you trained up on that gun of yours and you’ll be able to protect yourself and Sam. You’re a fairly big fella. You’ll be fine once you get that fightin’ spirit in ya.” 

Ellie looked over to Joel, grateful for his improved mood. It was always scary when Joel was anything less than her fearless protector - infinitely capable and the one who knew everything about everything. Logically, Ellie knew that he was just a man, human like everyone else but it didn’t seem that way to her most of the time. 

“Thanks, Joel,” Henry said. “I’ll take you up on that as soon as possible.”

“Once we’re out in the country we should be ok to do a bit of shooting practice,” he replied. 

“And I can teach you how to shoot a bow!” Ellie enthused. “Joel’s been showing me. It’s cool as hell. You don’t have to worry about ammo so much cause you can do and get it after, and make your own. Plus it’s quiet.”

“Yes,” Joel agreed, “we should get you trained up on the bow too.”

“Should we tell Sam about me being immune?” Ellie asked, abruptly changing the topic.

“I think so. I’m sure he’ll understand it better than I did. He’s always been better at taking things in his stride,” Henry said. 

Ellie smiled gratefully. “I hope so. I don’t want him to be scared of me,” she looked away, not able to meet his eye. “Or you.”

Henry reached out, patting her hand. “I’m not. Don’t worry.”

She smiled. “Ok, then.”

Joel groaned, getting laboriously to his feet. “Come on, kids. It’s time to get some sleep. We need to be up early tomorrow. I’ll take the first watch.”

“I’ll take the second,” Ellie added quickly. 

He shook his head. “Nah, Henry will. If you’re up for it.” 

Henry blinked. Joel had never trusted him with keeping watch and he was very sensible of the honour. 

He nodded quickly. “Yes, I can do that.”

“Alright, then,” Joel groaned, his back emitting a series of low pops as he bend to pick up his rifle. “I’m gonna post up by the door. Goodnight, you two.” 

Henry and Ellie met each other’s eyes, twin expressions of shock on their faces. She grinned, giving a surreptitious thumbs up that he returned. As he settled himself down to catch some sleep, warmth filled his stomach. He was sure that Ellie and Joel had more secrets that they hadn’t told him yet, but he trusted them nonetheless.

Chapter Text

Joel hadn’t wanted to be a father when he had had Sarah in what seemed like another life entirely. It was a tale as old as time, really. Teenager makes a stupid and reckless choice, teenager has baby, teenager is forced to raise said baby alone. He hadn’t expected to have loved being a father as much as he had done while he had been blessed enough to be one. Sarah had made it easy, though. She had always been the most mature, funniest little girl he had ever known. An utter pleasure to raise. Joel had never wanted to have a child to replace her and had been happy enough to forget how to handle children. 

Then Ellie came into the picture. Burst her way in, more like. And then Sam and Henry. Those two, especially Henry, were a lot more subtle in how they got into his affections. It was just a relief to have people to talk to Ellie so that he didn’t have to constantly think of something to say and Sam was perfect for that since she had taken a real shine to him. Henry reminded Joel of perhaps someone that he would have known in high school, though no particular old friend of his came to mind. He reminded him a little of Tommy, too, sometimes. How he was both nervous and slightly cocky - a combination that he hadn’t encountered very often, especially given how often it was fatal nowadays.

He couldn’t help but be aware of how life tended to come around in cycles. Children seemed to have a habit of coming into his life unannounced. It was a good thing that he didn’t believe in God anymore, because he would have a very hard time justifying that. Joel knew very well that he was the last person that children should be around. The opposite of a role model. Ellie looked up to him, he was sure. She tried to be subtle about it, but it was obvious as if she had a neon sign above her head. Joel hated it a little bit, or he thought he did, anyway. He grew less sure by the day. He did know that the pressure was damn near impossible to take, though. Keeping them all safe, treading the line between comforting them and not letting them become complacent. 

“Do you see that sign up there, Joel?” Ellie said excitedly, poking at his arm to get his attention. 

Joel squinted at the sign, faded with age, half rusted out and covered with the same pervasive layer of grime that seemed to cover everything these days. “Um, yeah,” he paused. “Says something about a theme park. Theme parks are-”

But Ellie cut him off quickly. “I know what a theme park is!” she protested in the way she always did when he said something that she deemed to be patronising. “We should go.” 

“We ain’t got time,” he said firmly. “There won’t be anything to scavenge there anyways.” 

Ellie frowned, turning to look at Henry. “Come on, you’ve gotta convince him.”

“Could be fun,” he said, looking at Joel impassively and shrugging his shoulders with his hands still in his pockets. 

Joel fought the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re not helpin’, Henry.” 

Henry chuckled. “Wasn’t trying to,” he said before turning to Sam and signing something that Joel couldn’t entirely catch.

“‘Sides,” Joel continued, “nothin’ll be workin’.”

Sam looked over to Joel. “Please?” 

He sighed, hoisting his backpack a little higher on his shoulders. “Quickly,” he signed and resolutely didn’t think about how nice it felt to see all three of their faces light up at the chance to have a little bit of fun for once. “Though I don’t rightly see what the hell the point is,” he muttered. 

The children, and Henry was most definitely included in Joel’s assessment, kept up an unending volley of chatter both spoken and signed the whole way to the amusement park. Joel, for his part, hung back, preferring to watch them. If he did the mental equivalent of squinting, he could almost pretend that things were normal - twenty years ago normal. He let the words dissolve into a meaningless hum as he focused on the momentum of his legs, seeming always heading onward these days, and the weight of his backpack which wasn’t nearly as heavy as he would have preferred. 

Sam didn’t care that the amusement park was run down. It was all he knew, anyways. Henry told him about what the world used to be like. Cars that ran, shiny and new. Windows in buildings that were whole and clean. Places like this, places where families went just to have fun - happy and carefree. He looked over to Henry, hands flying in his excitement as he bounded up to the gate. 

“T-U-R-N-S-T-I-L-E,” Joel spelt out the name carefully for him, his eyes focused on his hands as if he needed to see them to make it work.

Sam beamed up at him, his eyes flicking between the old man and his brother. “Where should we go first?” he signed. 

Ellie wished they could get the electricity like Riley had been able to do when they had been…she shook her head, now wasn’t the time. Sam was sitting in one of what Joel called teacups, gesturing for her to join him. She jogged over to him, hopping in, happy enough to make believe with Sam that the cups were really moving. It was easy, really. It made Sam happy which helped her to push any nascent ideas of adulthood from her mind, at least for now.

“You don’t have a sign name,” Sam signed as they were stepping off the ride, careful to avoid the especially rusted-out pieces of the metal stairs. 

Ellie frowned in confusion. “Sign name?”

“Yeah!” he replied enthusiastically. “Me and Henry have them,” he said before demonstrating the names. 

Ellie imagined they had some significance but she couldn’t place it, so she asked Henry. 

“Oh, yeah,” he said, signing along as he did so, “my name comes from the sign ‘protector’, pretty obvious, huh?”

“And Sam’s?” she asked. 

“He picked it himself, it’s just the sign for drawing. I don’t know if he’ll keep the name as he gets older, but it suits him for now.”

“Oh, cool,” Ellie replied. “Do you think me and Joel could get some?”

Henry shrugged. “If Sam comes up with some for you. Do you want one Joel?”

Joel just looked at him blankly. “I don’t care.”

“Rude,” Ellie muttered before turning to Sam and signing. “You should give us sign names! Or just me since the old man is so grumpy.” 

Sam frowned, thinking hard. He wanted to give Ellie a good name, a name as cool as she was. Sometimes he wished he was more like her. 

“I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it,” he said.

Ellie didn’t seem bothered by that, shrugging at him and gesturing at another ride that they could make the best of without electricity. Sam followed along behind, his mind still mulling over potential sign names. 

They found a small rollercoaster not too long after. Henry said it was some sort of Halloween-themed ride. It didn’t work, of course, so he just walked through it along with Ellie. It was enough, though. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had felt so happy and so part of something. Maybe he never had. Henry would be sad if he knew that, Sam thought. 

He tapped Ellie on the shoulder, signing close to his body so Henry, who was following along with Joel, couldn’t see. 

“What do you think it was like being a kid back then?” he asked. He didn’t have to specify what ‘back then’ meant, no one born after did.

Ellie pressed her lips together, thinking hard. It wasn’t that the thought hadn’t occurred to her before. Of course, it had. How many nights had she spent lying awake, thinking it over? No, she didn’t know what she wanted Sam to think that she thought. The truth seemed far too cutting for someone like him. 

In the end, she just shrugged. “Probably had better shoes,” she replied, gesturing to her beaten up converse.

Sam nodded pensively. He knew she wasn’t lying exactly, but she wasn’t telling the truth. Henry did it a lot, and Sam hated it. Still, he had learned a long time ago not to press things since it only ever upset his older brother; he assumed it would be the same with Ellie. He searched for something to change the subject, not wanting the conversation to end. 

“Thank you,” he decided on eventually.

Ellie frowned in confusion. “Why?” 

“For learning sign,” Sam shrugged. “Easier than writing.” 

She swallowed. “You don’t need to thank me. It’s fun!” she smirked. “Thank Joel,” she suggested, knowing already that he would hate it.

Sam looked over at the burly man consideringly. He hadn’t spoken with him that much, but he knew that Joel had been trying his best to learn sign even if he hadn’t picked it up the way that Ellie had. Sam wasn’t sure how old Joel was, but he knew that people had to be smart to get old.

He hung back for a moment, letting Joel catch up to him. It took a few moments to get his courage up, but Sam eventually tapped him on the arm. 

Joel looked down at the kid, eyebrow raised. Sam hadn’t talked to him much, usually going through Henry or Ellie if he wanted something. For the first time in a long time, he worried about looking scary. Sam didn’t seem bothered by him so much as preoccupied by other things. Joel didn’t know how to be comforting, so he just waited.

“Thank you for learning some sign,” Sam said eventually, his eyes on his nervous hands as they moved.

Joel didn’t reply right away and Sam could see his fingers twitching even in the low light. 

“You’re welcome,” he replied, the words not feeling like nearly enough. Maybe he could ask Henry to give him pointers sometime. 

Sam smiled a small smile up at Joel for a moment before his attention was turned back to Ellie who was stomping her foot on the ground with gusto. 

The older man watched them as their hands flew, a mix between joy and terror spilling into his veins. This wasn’t the right world for children like them. 

“I’m glad Sam has her,” Henry said from behind him, as if divining Joel’s train of thought.

He nodded, lips pressed together. “Reckon so.”

Henry caught up to him in a few loping steps. “It’s nice to have a friend, you know.” 

“I may have heard that before,” he replied wryly. 

The young man snorted. “Gotta stop being so stubborn and start taking advice, then.” 

Joel didn’t reply for a moment, and Henry was just about to leave the conversation for dead when he did speak. 

“I don’t know how good of a friend, or well, anythin’ I’m likely to be but…maybe you’re right.”

“Can’t hurt to try, right?”

Joel couldn’t agree with that, but he didn’t mention it.