Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ever since the stars were hung back up in the sky, the DreamSMP had become a sort of hodge podge of information, and travelers coming to and from the now open server portal. Instead of just a portal out in the birch and spruce forest between the mesa and Las Nevadas, The Doomsday Relief Housing Services had gotten to prettifying it so no passerby's’ thought they had just stumbled into the middle of nowhere.

Benches had been added for sleeping and resting, with shields from the elements such as the winter snow and harsh rains that tended to come down during the humid summers. Around the portal itself was a brick path in a circle instead of just soil, each path a different material depending on where the person wanted to go. Packed ice for the Arctic, wood for Prime Path Residential, quartz for Las Nevadas. A nether portal was even set up with a nether brick path leading towards it, a gate around so any wandering mobs could just go back into the portal and wouldn’t be a danger to anybody.

A vending machine was rolled in from Skyblock that ran solely on dusted redstone, so nobody who came in or out would be without something to eat and drink. Once the December snow cleared in the spring, flowers and vegetation would be planted. For now, twinkling fairy lights and lanterns were strung around the portals and the trees, illuminating everything in a warm glow. Though with the bright stars and moon, lighting wasn’t an issue.

That’s what tourists tend to come for nowadays. The stars.

It was such a shock when the server portal to the DreamSMP opened up, that the mayor had to call a state of emergency for the day while she and her goons investigated it. Once it was deemed safe, it wasn’t long before Mayor Diana was speaking to Eret, The Red King, and Quackity, who she had deemed the de facto ‘leaders’ of the DreamSMP. She had only spoken to the leaders of Kinoko Kingdom once, but they seemed to be doing just fine without outside assistance. The one leader, Karl, wasn’t even aware his server’s portal had been closed, simply saying he had been ‘away on a holiday’. Diana didn’t know what sort of holiday he had managed to go on a holiday without leaving, but there were more pressing matters to attend to.

The DreamSMP had been in desperate need of help when trade was finally reestablished. Somehow, they were good on clothes, but they desperately needed building materials, food, and medicine. Mayor Diana had been more than impressed by the care packages they had been handing out, but they only had a health potion and gapple, no sign of any antibiotics, vaccine, or anesthesia. Those were put in special shulkers for medicine, which were to be set up by professionals.

They even received aid from the Mythland Embassy located on Skyblock. Sheep were brought to the DreamSMP for wool and meat, but by the king's advisors, not by King Sausage himself. And just recently, The Lost Empire set up trade with the nation of Las Nevadas. Emperor Graceffa had only spoken fondly of President Quackity, and ordered that containers of the finest coffee grounds, animal pelt clothing, and jade spears be sent to Las Nevadas at once. Mayor Diana had been unnerved by the red of his eyes, but she wasn’t going to be the one to rock the boat with an emperor. The mayor before her had tried to cut off trade with Joey Graceffa and MythicalSausage when they became possessed by the demon Xornoth.

It was no wonder Diana had been elected so quickly.

But that's beside the point. It was nice to see the DreamSMP begin to blossom and thrive, since the last time anybody had truly seen the server was after the disastrous event known as Doomsday. In two months' time winter would give way to spring, and the seeds they had been given would blossom into fruits, vegetables, and cotton for clothes. Hearth’s Warming had come and gone with a celebration of fireworks throughout the server, and a new beacon being put up. Less for the effects, more for the brilliant display of light.

The beacons could be seen from all around the server. The mushroom cottages of Kinoko Kingdom, the abandoned Snowchester manor that had become communal housing, and the ones still left in the Arctic could all view the effervescent rainbow beacon lighting up the sky, placed in the center of the Community House. So everyone would know where to go when they needed something, anything.

The Community House itself had been transformed too. While the walls of the bottom floor were still plastered with posters from years prior- election posters, missing posters, help wanted ads- the top floor had been turned into an HQ for the Doomsday Relief Housing Services. There was a suggestion box, a large window to look out of, free Wi-Fi that they got directly from Skyblock, and boxes of ‘give something, take something’. Each one labeled food, clothes, materials, first aid, books, toys, miscellaneous. The HQ was usually overseen by Puffy, when she didn’t have any clients.

Niki and Red were mainly in charge of Renchanting, as they always had been. Red worked his enchanting magic, while Niki channeled her magic into her pastries and lattes. It wasn’t a rare sight to see Jack Manifold handing out free samples on trays to passerby's', or for Niki to have a poster up in the window for a new sale. Two scones get the third free. Free iced coffee with every muffin. Things like that to bring a little more cheer into her bakery.

Martyn had taken up the ‘housing’ task of the Doomsday Relief Housing Services. Just like after Doomsday, he had started plans for new developments, starting with turning the Snowchester mansion into communal living. He lit the fireplaces and got to work cleaning, before he had Jack and Angel, when xe wasn’t preparing for xer upcoming teaching job, come in to measure everything out. There was plenty of space for families moving in, and the kitchen could be fully stocked to feed any number of people.

Eret was in charge of the diplomatic aspects of the DreamSMP, being the king and all. She and Red shared this burden, though she tried not to think of it as a burden at all, but her sworn duty. She’d sit with Mayor Diana, and however many ambassadors from other servers that were sent. She even was contacted by something called ‘The Hivemind’, and had a meeting scheduled. This excited her. Finally, her kingdom, her home, was flourishing.

Prime Path Residential wasn’t the only one thriving. Las Nevadas was starting to gain more citizens as people came for the glitz and glam and loud night clubs and stayed for the jobs and easy access to goods. Las Nevadas had wide sidewalks that accommodated wheelchairs of all kinds, and no vehicles were on the roads except for horses, and the occasional motorcycle that passed through.

A brand-new casino had sprouted up, seemingly overnight. When Quackity came back from the Hearth’s Warming Eve party on Hermitcraft, he found a new casino building had been built just beside the first- but without any walls, or back. The machines were all shiny and new, the floor was a brilliant gold painted marble, and there were stairs leading up to an upper floor nightclub. But no walls, or roof, or back.

It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. When he asked around who did it, Foolish had pointed to Quackity’s new friend, the one with the white hair and mask.

That’s why Quackity was bringing Etho to the meeting he had been invited to. The Doomsday Relief Housing Services had taken a page out of The Hermits book and decided to have weekly meetings to discuss new infrastructure, roads, businesses, trade deals, and more. Because of these meetings they had managed to build a new villager trading hall, and the beginnings of a greenhouse so they wouldn’t have to worry about food insecurity during the winter.

Quackity and Etho had their arms linked, Quackity using his other arm to lean on his cane. It was one of the simpler ones, made of sleek wood painted black, with a golden handle with a rose charm hanging off of a small hole. It matched his black blazer, black pleated pants, and the golden blouse he had gotten from Tommy for Hearth’s Warming. It was the first time Quackity had worn it, and it fit like a glove.

Etho on the other hand, was dressed much more comfortably. The same green puffy coat and muddy boots they had arrived with, but now they were dressed in a simple navy blue button up t-shirt and army print slacks. Quackity had asked very nicely if he could at least comb Etho’s hair back, but they just put on a gray winter beanie.

Etho’s spindly spider limbs poked out of their jacket, two of the four of them wrapped loosely around Quackity. They usually were much more reserved with their touch, but Quackity brought out the softer side they usually reserved for their closest friends. They smiled under their mask, walking with Quackity through the still janky nether hub. Some things never change.

They looked up at the nether’s new sky, admiring the same stars that hung in the Overworld. “Well would ya look at that.” They said to themself.

Quackity’s eyes followed Etho’s looking above. “Huh? Oh yeah, the stars. The sky just opened up, it’s fucking crazy, man.”

“Been around a while, and I have never seen anything like- watch out.” Etho pulled Quackity a little closer to them to avoid a hole in the roads that Quackity’s ankle nearly got caught in.

“Oh, uh thanks.” Quackity’s cheeks flushed.

“No problem, Quackers.”

Quackity’s wings gave a nervous flutter and he smiled sheepishly. There was something about that nickname that made his heart do flip-flops. Quackers. It had a soft silliness to it that Quackity didn’t think he deserved. That was a nickname you gave to a childhood friend.

“So where’re we headed again?” Etho asked.

Quackity was pulled from his thoughts by the scruff. “Oh, the Mainland! It’s a meeting with the other members of the Doomsday Relief Housing Services.”

Etho knew about Doomsday of course. They had read through the transcripts that the recap had pulled from the crystal shards. They hadn’t seen the whole thing, just the aftermath, when the hole in the bedrock had been formed. All they knew was how the server had banded together to try and help each other. They weren’t going to tell Quackity that they knew, of course, but they did give him a squeeze on the arm.

He appreciated the small gesture and squeezed back.

When they approached the portal towards the Mainland’s nether portal, Etho let go of Quackity to do a mock bow. “After you.” They said, a smirk playing under their mask.

Quackity rolled his eyes with a blush. “Why, you’re too kind.”

Etho stood behind Quackity, waiting for him to go first. Because it was the polite thing to do, and because Etho hadn’t actually used any of the nether portals around the DreamSMP before. They hadn’t even come from Empires through a portal! They had just kept wandering from The Undergrove until there was only wilderness for weeks, and finally, Las Nevadas.

The portal swallowed Quackity like a docile animal, and when Etho deemed it safe, they stepped through.

It was different than any nether portal Etho had experienced before. It felt like they were being burned alive by golf ball sized coals, only for their skin to slather itself back on and stretch snugly like a rubber suit. They fell to their knees when they exited the portal, hand over their mask. They heaved, blinking away spots dotting behind their eyes.

“Fuck! Etho- Etho are you okay?” Quackity had sweat through his blazer, his stomach in knots. He wrapped an arm around Etho’s torso, pulling them up to their feet. “C’mon, easy does it pal.”

“Wha- that isn’t right.” Etho wobbled, Quackity holding them steady. “What is wrong with that portal?”

“They’ve always been like that.” Quackity said simply.

“Well, they shouldn’t.” Etho swallowed a glob of bile lodged in their throat.

Quackity let Etho use him as a crutch, keeping them stable until they were able to walk on their own. This was Etho’s first time around the Mainland, and Quackity wanted them to have a good look around. He was glad they were visiting now, and not back in the fall when everything had gone to hell in a handbasket. Though a part of Quackity did miss it. He missed having Scar and Impulse around. He didn’t know what he’d do if Martyn left too, but thankfully he and Red were here to stay.

Etho blinked a few times and shook their head, slowly letting go of Quackity to have a good look around. The wooden path known as the ‘Prime Path’- Etho pretended not to gag just thinking of the name- was lined with shops and homes, each built from the same variations of oak wood, stone, and brick. Etho could see a golden M in the distance, and even further over the gray horizon, was an obsidian grid.

“Alright.” Etho said, clapping their hands together. “Lead the way, Quackers.”

Quackity chuckled, taking the lead towards Eret’s palace.

Eret smoothed out her dress for what felt like the billionth time. She couldn’t get the mocha color frock to sit quite right, and it was driving her up the wall. Maybe it was just nerves, as she had with every meeting. Or maybe she genuinely was just annoyed with her dress.

The plastic chairs and wooden podiums that they had been using before were replaced with an ornate and beautiful dark oak wood round table, and eight chairs around it. Everyone had their own chair, and they chose a circle table so it didn’t feel like no one person was in charge- they were all equals. Everyone at the meetings had a say.

Puffy circled around to Eret, putting a cup of coffee in front of her. She gave a smile, squeezing her shoulder. “Relax, Eret. We’re all good.”

Eret exhaled, taking the coffee in cupped hands. “Thank you, Puffy. These meetings just always make me so jittery.”

“You’ve got a lot on your plate.” Puffy shrugged, sitting beside her. “I mean, school’s gonna be opening for the first time ever in April, you’ve got trade to set up, talking to actual diplomats. It’s a lot to take in!”

Eret laughed nervously, blowing on her coffee before taking a sip. A vanilla latte with marshmallows. “I’m just glad I’m not doing any of this alone.”

“Can’t get rid of us that easily.” Puffy elbowed her gently, causing Eret to laugh again, this time in tandem with Puffy.

In through the door came Martyn, his coveralls covered in wood shavings, paint, and bleach stains. “Sorry I’m late!” He said, despite being the third person in the room. He slumped into his seat, taking a tick to catch his breath. “Been- renovations have been going smoothly, but it’s still a lot of work.”

“You’re alright, Martyn.” Eret was quick to reassure.

“If anyone’s late, it’s your boyfriend.” Puffy said.

Martyn just huffed, sitting up straight. “Renchanting’s always busy around this time, he should be here any click. Jack’s been good with the enchanter, so I’m sure m’lord will entrust the services to him for a few hours.”

Speak of the devil, Red’s heavy footsteps came up the steps. Just as Martyn predicted, his hands were covered in blue lapis dust, as were the bottom of his boots, leaving blue footprints through the palace that would have to be cleaned up later. “Apologies for the delay. Am I the last to arrive?”

Eret shook her head. “Not at all. We’re still waiting on Quackity and his guest.”

“Quackity’s bringing a guest?” Puffy asked curiously.

“Yes, but he didn’t say who. From what Quackity told me, they’ve been doing some fantastic redstone work around Las Nevadas, and thought they might be able to help out around here.” Eret said. “We still need to set up our own fax machine, as well as security cameras in the museum and-”

Before Red sat beside Martyn, he flashed Eret a sympathetic smile. “Yer majesty, we best slow down.”

Eret sighed again, turning the papers in front of her face down, and taking a sip of coffee. “...it’s weird without Pearl, right?” She blurted out. “And Jimmy?”

Martyn gave a solemn nod. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Least we got to see them all for the holidays, before it’s back to work.” He gave a hollow laugh, rubbing his temple. Red put an arm around him and he smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“What’re you gonna do?” Puffy said, tapping her hand against the table. “They’ve got their own shit going on back on Hermitcraft. I mean, you saw all that crazy stuff in the Shopping District! That statue was insane!”

“I still think Tubbo’s build was the most impressive.” Red said simply.

“M’lord, I think you’re a little biased.”

“Maybe I am!”

That got a laugh out of everybody.

Eret checked the time on her pocket watch and smoothed out her dress again. Quackity should be arriving any tick, and they had too much to discuss to keep going around like this. Yes, Eret missed the Hermits. She had tributes to all of them in the museum, hailing them as heroes for what they had done for the server. She missed Grian even if she didn’t see much of him, she missed Jimmy even if he had only recently snapped out of his funk with the prison, and she missed Pearl, Impulse, and Scar, no matter how short their time on the DreamSMP had been.

And of course, everyone missed Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo. Eret knew Angel jumped at the chance to be a schoolteacher because xe missed babysitting Michael and Grumbot. The Snowchester mansion was filled with life again, but Eret had to keep reminding herself it wasn’t the boys she had watched grow up before her eyes.

At least she was doing better than Red. He had what could only be described as empty nest syndrome from Tommy leaving the server. It was a little sad, seeing his ears and tail droop every time he was reminded that Tommy was miles away- so far away she was in a different time zone and climate entirely.

“Biased or not-” Eret tried to redirect the conversation “Our trip to Hermitcraft was an eye opener, and I hope we can take a leaf from their books and try to make our server a safer and happier place to be for our citizens.”

“Here here!” Red cheered. He didn’t have a glass to raise, but the sentiment was there.

Puffy raised her hand. “Hey, any reason why we don’t invite Techno and Phil to these meetings? I mean, they kinda represent what goes down in the Arctic.”

Eret tapped her chin in thought. “Hm, I don’t know. It’s the same reason we don’t invite Sapnap to represent Kinoko Kingdom for these meetings. There’s too much bad blood.” Eret was referring to herself and GeorgeNotFound , but also with Quackity, Karl, and Sapnap. She knew they had been an item, but now there was no word from either party about the others. “I’ve tried to set up meetings separately with them, but Sapnap seems to be content with keeping Kinoko separate.”

Martyn sighed. “Which is a shame. I mean, I’m no fan of that lot, but they have resources we could do with, and I’m sure if they came around here we’d have something they could use.”

“Ye can’t persuade those too stubborn to see past their own agendas.” Red said. “All we can do is help the people we can in our kingdoms. Quackity is willing to throw his hat in the ring, and for that I applaud him.”

Eret gave Red a grateful smile. She was glad, through all of this, they’ve had the aid of Renchanting. “Couldn’t have said it better myself, Red.”

“Where the hell is Quackity?” Puffy huffed, her horns thumping against the table when she rested her forehead against her arm.

Eret sifted through her papers. “There’s still plenty we can go over before he arrives. Let’s start with the schoolhouse, that should really be our number one priority. We have till April to prepare, and we’ve just started January. We need textbooks, school supplies, and a schedule. Angel and Amore have already built a playground out of sturdy vines and branches, which is a big help, but Amore already has his hands full with Las Nevadas. I wouldn’t want to put too much work on rose, so I won’t ask him to be a part of the faculty, but we need more teachers than just Angel.”

“I’d volunteer but-” Martyn started but was interrupted by Red squeezing his shoulders.

“Ye have enough on yer plate, my love. Renchanting, Las Nevadas, and the residents who will be staying in Snowchester all owe ye their thanks, but ye also need to remember to rest yer head.”

“Hey, it’s fine, I like the work! I like pushing myself!”

“Red’s correct.” Eret said. “You do so much, you deserve some time off.”

Martyn’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Is this just a nice way of me being fired?”

“No, of course not!”

“We’d be dead without you.” Puffy said bluntly. “Which is exactly why you need to relax a bit. Because if you drop dead, we’re all gonna be running around like idiots.”

Martyn’s cheeks dusted pink, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Aw. You guys are too much. Fine, I’ll take a break tomo-”

“You’ll take a break after this meeting.” Eret said with an air of finality. “I’ll tell Niki and Jack. If you try and get any work done-”

Martyn rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay, I’ve got the point. Geez, you really know how to push a pitch.” He propped his chin up with his hand, the other holding Red’s free hand, his arm still around Martyn’s shoulder. “At least let me see if Xisuma would be willing to come around and give us a few pointers.”

“Hmm. Fine. One email.”

“Thank you very much, your majesty.” Martyn gave a fake bow, making Eret giggle.

While jokes were passed around the table, none of them heard the footsteps coming up the steps, probably because they were missing the familiar click-clack that came with Quackity’s high heels. He was wearing a much more comfortable dress shoe today, per Etho’s request. The heels granted no traction, and there was still enough snow and ice on the ground that slipping was a very real hazard.

“Hey guys, I’m here!” Quackity’s voice came as he was halfway up the stairs.

Martyn stood up. “In here, Big Q!” He exclaimed, smiling. He was glad that Quackity, Red, and Eret were all working together, if only because it made things hell of a lot easier on him. As Quackity became more visible, Martyn started to ask, “how are things in-”

The words died instantly in his throat.

He stared at the guest who was arm in arm with Quackity. Shock was written clearly on his face.

Red stood up from the table so fast that it knocked Eret’s coffee cup onto her pile of papers. His tail ducked between his legs, and his ears pushed back.

Quackity smiled that dazzling smile. “Everyone, I want to introduce you to the future of Las Nevadas! This is-”

“Etho.” Red let what was barely a gasp of a breath, the wind having been knocked out of him.

Chapter Text

The air in the Grimlands was always heavy with a never-ending smog that came from the vents lodged into the streets that connected everything in the city. The whistling from iron pipes was as prevalent a noise as the turning wheels of horse drawn buggies and hustle and bustle from the city surrounding the palace in the dead center.

The windows of The Forge glowed an ominous red but could only be seen as a speck over the fog that rested just the kingdom like a cloud. The fog itself was so thick that everyone had their own style of mask- whether a gas mask, a regular cloth mask, or a mask with glassy eyes and a jutting out nose. Those with masks like that were the ones more extravagantly dressed, which seemed to indicate wealth.

Wilbur peeked his head out of the window of the taxi he and Renbob had rented and had already begun to cough. He wasn’t used to such a dense atmosphere, and it made him lightheaded. He leaned back into the carriage with a groan. “That- that is not right.”

Renbob wrinkled his nose, and dug through his satchel, pulling out two bandanas- one purple and one green. “Here man, we don’t want ya getting red lung!”

“Thanks, Renbob.” Wilbur took the green bandana- he didn’t entertain the thought of who it reminded him of- and wrapped it around his face. It smelled like cannabis, and peanut butter cookies. He tightened it so tight it dug into his cheeks, but at least he'd be able to breathe.

With a frown, Renbob glanced back out the window. “I ain’t ever seen the Grimlands this bad.” He said, voice muffled by the mask.

“You haven’t?”

Renbob shook his head. “Yeah man, I was here before this guy took over. Me, Ren, and my lil brother Jono- you’d get along great with him, he’s a rockin’ musician like you- got a hotel room here for a few days while we planned out where to camp next. And- and you could at LEAST see the sky.”

Now Wilbur was feeling uneasy. The closer they got to the thick metal gates, the darker and denser the gray clouds above the sky were, enveloping the Empire in an eternal overcast. With the red lights from lanterns, torches, and streetlights, it looked menacing. Like an omen.

The carriage stopped suddenly, and the driver turned back to them. “This is as far as I’ll take ya.” He said with a prominent Gilded Hilenthia accent. “My horse ain’t used to the Grimlands, don’t want her getting sick.”

“I understand, man!” Renbob gathered his bag and hopped out the carriage, holding the door open for Wilbur.

“Thanks mate.” Wilbur said as he landed on the gravel road. “Um, how much payment?”

The man tapped his chin in thought. “Ya got any food for my horse?”

It still amazed Wilbur how you could run entire Empires, entire WORLDS without the use of diamonds as currency. It utterly baffled him.

“Course!” Renbob however was all too used to the arrangement. He rifled around in his bag and pulled out a bruised gapple. “Hope your horse likes it!”

The driver took the apple with a smile. “Thanks fella. You two stay safe!”

“Will do!” Renbob waved to the driver as he turned the horse around, and with it the whole carriage. Renbob waved until they were just a speck in the distance, then turned his attention back to the entrance to the Grimlands. “Alright, should be easy peasy lemon cheesy to find a part around here! These guys got all sorts of weird doodads and doohickies, they’ve gotta have something for the van!”

Wilbur couldn’t help but chuckle at Renbob’s eccentric vernacular. “Well, you’re the expert. Lead the way!”

“Rock on, man!”

There was no toll for getting in through the gates, but automatons painted a garish red walked across the top of the gate, back and forth like sentries. Renbob tried to wave at them, but their faces were unchanging, blank, and lifeless. Renbob just cringed, and hurried along the path, kicking up gravel beneath his cowboy boots.

The city was densely packed, houses crammed together like sardines squished into tin cans. Power lines ran across the sky like spiderwebs, and were directly in front of people’s windows, leaving people to hang the washing out on them. Salmon shaped flying machines were around the air until they landed on windowsills with mail and parcels, then were fed a red coin to get started up again, flying back off to the winding deepslate tower that was the post office.

Despite the fog, the city itself was clean as a whistle. Anything iron or silver was polished so neatly Wilbur could see his reflection, and the only pothole on the road was being filled with cement as Wilbur and Renbob hopped onto the sidewalk, nearly being steamrolled by a horseless buggy that ran on a crank, emitting red sparks from the exhaust pipe.

Renbob cringed as the buggy sped past. “Man, you need to get that checked! - yeah he can’t hear me.”

Wilbur chuckled at that, and his eyes continued to flit around. He was glad he didn’t put on anything too heavy, because all the machines and furnaces running at once made everything hot and dry. Not as hot as Pixandria, but hot enough Wilbur would need another shower when they got back home. Renbob would probably have to make a trip to one of the water canals to refill the tank, but they could worry about that after they got some new wire, electrical tape, and whatever else Renbob thought they needed.

The houses were stacked on top of one another like building blocks. And in between each tower of houses were buildings without walls- just a floor and roof being held up by a foundation like pillars of poles. That at least made it easier to see inside of each shop and kept foot traffic at a steady pace.

“Man, this place has all sorts of bad mojo.” Renbob mumbled to himself, barely audible over the whistling pipes, the constant chatter, the banging of mallets against hot metal. “I don’t like it.”

“Something wrong?”

“I’m not a big fan of machines gettin’ in the way of nature.” Renbob looked down at the concrete sidewalks. There was no grass, or dandelions, or even bugs skittering around. Renbob thought he saw a rat jump down into the vents, but with all the smoke down there, Renbob knew it’d suffocate before it had the chance to comprehend what was going on. It made his stomach twist and turn.

There was just something about this place, about this land. It didn’t sit right with Renbob. If he were a religious man, he’d describe it as unholy. But as his only devotion was to Mother Nature, the only other word he could think of was uncanny.

The way the Grimlands had turned from a refuge for salmon type merfolk who were being hunted down, to a machine with roots so tight into the ground it was almost eating the soil. Renbob wondered when it would end. When enough would be enough. He wasn’t around for The Hilenthia Grimlands War, but it had ended with both kingdoms nearly leveled, and the number of dead outweighing the living by thirty to one. You’d think that’d be a wakeup call, but it just made every Count after more paranoid and more prone to, well, Renbob would be nice and call it eccentricity. Even if the word he wanted to use was destruction. More prone to destruction.

While Renbob tried to hide his disdain, Wilbur made no effort to hide his wonderment. And why should he? He’d never been anywhere so obviously dedicated to machinery and technology! There were robots sweeping redstone off the streets and into specially designed metal bins for disposal, there were aircrafts flying through the air like real birds, there were lights that changed from red, to yellow, to green to indicate the flow of traffic both on foot and by horse. Wilbur wasn’t all too redstone savvy, but even he could admire how the Grimlands was a pillar of ingenuity.

As they perused the streets looking for a shop that sold automobile parts, Wilbur stopped short. He slowly turned as Renbob walked ahead of him, and he stared.

Amongst the tall buildings and cramped shops, there was a large bulletin board, the size of two school whiteboards, drilled into a concrete wall. This bulletin board was pinned with years' worth of promotional posters, help and job advertisements, and more importantly, wanted posters. Wilbur stepped towards the bulletin board like he was being tugged by an invisible string, until the tips of his toes touch the wall. He was staring face to face with a wanted poster, pinned up just the other day by the look of it.

‘WANTED: Captain Sally of The Silver Scale Pirates
Crime: Treason, stealing, looting, armed robbery, assault
Reward: 1,700 Diamonds or emeralds
Last Seen: Grimlands Holding Center’

Renbob finally noticed Wilbur wasn’t beside him, and jogged back to where he was practically planted to the ground. “Hey man, what’s the hold….up. Oh. Oh Wil.”

The picture on the poster must’ve been taken recently. Her right eye was a milky white instead of emerald, green like her left, with a thin white scar running from her eyebrow down to her collar bone. Her hair was half up and half hung over her shoulders, her clothes charred like she had been rolling around in a campfire. She sneered at whoever was taking her photo, holding up a gloved middle finger.

The air was knocked out of Wilbur’s lungs, and if it weren’t for Renbob holding him up, he may have collapsed. “She’s- that’s- Sally?” Wilbur said breathlessly. Maybe it was the smoke or maybe it was seeing the woman he loved again, but he felt faint.

“Come on Wil, let’s find a place to sit down.” Renbob started to lead Wilbur away from the bulletin board, but not before Wilbur snatched the poster and shoved it into his pocket. Renbob sighed, bringing Wilbur onto a bench.

Before Wilbur had been enamored by the city, the whole kingdom. But now the noise faded out into the background, replaced by his heart hammering away in his chest. Renbob squeezed his arm, attempting to keep him grounded.

“Wil? Man, can ya hear me?”

Wilbur gave a numb nod.

“That’s- that’s good.” Renbob squeezed his arm again, before moving to rub up and down his back. “Look I- this might be a silly question, but are you gonna be okay?”

Wilbur let out a sharp laugh at that. He tasted smoke on his tongue, and his feathers ruffled into razor sharp edges. Renbob didn’t budge though.

“Wil?”

“Of course.” Wilbur leaned his head back. “Of FUCKING course! You know what, I’m not even surprised!” He let out a laugh that bubbled out of his chest like molten lava, and for just a tick. Just a moment. The smog of the Grimlands became the campfire smoke of Pogtopia. “I’m not surprised that after ALL this time, this is where she decides to show up!”

Renbob frowned. “Wilbur, man, ya need to-”

“What I NEED to do-” Wilbur cut him off at once with poison in his words. “Is stop fucking kidding myself. I should have known that villains don’t deserve happy endings, but here- here I thought I could actually be something! Here I thought, oh, silly, SAD Wilbur Soot!” Wilbur pushed himself off of the bench. “I thought that maybe I could be different! I tried to apologize to all of them, but I didn’t and THIS- this is my karma!”

“Wilbur, you’re freaking me out. We should- maybe let’s just go back home.”

“What home? What home do I have!?” Wilbur didn’t even realize people were staring at him. He didn’t care either. It was just him and Renbob, and everyone else in the whole wide world could go fuck off for all he cared. “I’m living a lie, Renbob. I’m- I don’t belong anywhere!”

Renbob finally saw what Wilbur had been hiding from him this whole time. The bags under his eyes, the trembling in his voice and hands, the white streak wrapped in his curls. Renbob knew something had happened to Wilbur when he left the Hippie Commune, but whatever it was, it was messing him up bad.

“That, my brother, is a load of horse shit.”

Wilbur was so taken aback by Renbob actually swearing that his wings immediately tucked behind his back like he was a fledgling being scolded.

“What?” His voice had turned small, much smaller than the grandiose tone he had not even a click ago.

“You heard me.” Renbob stood up, facing nearly eye to eye with Wilbur. “That’s a laid horse shit, and you know it. Man, everyone belongs somewhere. You’re not a villain, you’re a person. A person who I happen to care about.” Renbob shoved a finger into Wilbur’s chest. “I dunno what happened to make you like this, but I can tell ya now, you’re wrong. If you’re tryin’ to heal, you can’t let one little thing set ya back, man.”

Wilbur stammered trying to find an answer. He gulped, meeting Renbob’s deep blue eyes. “I- Renbob- you don’t know-”

“You’re right. Whatever you’re about to tell me, or want to tell me but can’t, I don’t know. I’m not in your head, and I don’t know what happened wherever you were.” Renbob reached into Wilbur’s pocket and pulled out the crumpled-up advert. “But she doesn’t get to dictate your life anymore, man. She left. That’s on her. And you’re allowed to hurt. But what I’m not gonna let ya do, is take it out on me, or yourself. Do you hear me?”

Wilbur just nodded numbly.

Renbob ripped the poster in half. Then his expression softened, and he pulled Wilbur into a hug. Wilbur melted into a hug, going limp in Renbob’s arms like a ragdoll. He rubbed up and down Wilbur’s back and let out a rumbling sigh. “You’re a good kid, Wil. You don’t have to tell me until you’re ready, but ya gotta let me in, man. Remember what Impy told ya back on HC 6? Pushing your feelings down ain’t gonna do you any good.”

His grip tightened on Renbob’s flannel button up. “You- Renbob my friend, if you knew what I had done, you’d never forgive me.”

Renbob flicked him on the forehead. “Now don’t go assuming things, Wil. It makes an ass of you and me.”

The laugh that Wilbur let out was a genuine laugh. Not one filled with malice, or one that made him think the monster in his chest was wearing his skin once again. This laugh didn’t sound like rumbling train tracks but running rivers. “My stars, that is SUCH a dad thing to say.”

“With age comes wisdom, man.” Renbob pulled away from the hug to fluff up Wilbur’s hair, even if he had to reach up to do it. He might’ve been older than Ren, but he was just a little shorter. “Are you gonna be okay?”

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, I- I think so. I don’t think I’ve ever been pulled out of it that fast before except by-” His mouth dried up thinking about Tommy, about Quackity about-. “Renbob?”

“Yeah, man?”

“I think I need to make a phone call, and I left my com at home.” He rubbed the back of his neck, the heat rising in his cheeks. “Can I borrow yours?”

“Of course!” Renbob reached back into his satchel and gave Wil his communicator and cushy headphones. “You make your call, I’m gonna look for a place to grab some grub that DOESN’T use redstone like salt. You keep your butt on that bench.”

“Yes sir.” Wilbur gave a mock salute.

Renbob smiled at Wilbur, before jogging off down the streets, walking up to a random stranger in a gas mask to presumably ask for directions, or at the very least a map.

Wilbur stayed on the bench like he was instructed, his heart hammering in his chest, nearly matching the beat of the sounds of distant machinery. Heavy thuds filled his ears, and even now Wilbur was having a hard time differentiating between what was coming from his own body and what was just background noise.

He used to be a better Listener.

Once.

Wilbur put the headphones on, pulling back his bangs. Sweat dripped off his forehead and he wiped it off before turning on the com. The old device nearly blinded him with the bright blue screen and chunky white text, but with enough finagling with the buttons on the side, Wilbur was able to navigate it.

He accidentally opened photos, and out of pure curiosity, scrolled through. There were different photo albums, each one labeled. ‘Hermitheus Adventures’, ‘Messing With A77’, ‘Van Life’, ‘The Ol’ Hippie Van’.

Wilbur opened that one. He knew he shouldn’t, that this was a major invasion of privacy. But he couldn’t help but scan the photos and smile. He didn’t have any photos of his time with the hippies- they had almost all been destroyed through various attacks during L’manburg, and were all surely lost to Doomsday.

So when Wilbur saw the colorful photos of himself, Ren, Renbob, and Impulse, a childish joy caused tears to spring in his eyes. He purposely skipped all the ones where he saw a glimpse of red hair, but the others he took his sweet time looking at.

Ren trying to keep Renbob away from the grill while he was making burgers, Impulse pulling a fish out of the pond and posing like a dad, Renbob strumming his guitar. And of course, the photos of Wilbur- beading bracelets and necklaces with laser focused concentration, playing a game of cards with Ren and getting his ass kicked, throwing a bucket of water onto a bush that was on fire.

Wilbur couldn’t believe he had nearly spent two years at the Hippie Commune of Hermitcraft Season 6, and never once did he run into Tommy across the way in Area 77. Would they even have gotten along? Would a younger Wilbur know how much Tommy would come to mean to him?

And he couldn’t believe that he didn’t once run into Grian.

He shook those thoughts away from his head with a ruffle of feathers and backed out of Renbob’s photo gallery. With his back slightly hunched he continued to try and maneuver Renbob’s ancient com, and he finally came across his contacts list.

There were plenty of names Wilbur didn’t recognize that he assumed to be Hermits. BDubs, Cub, Keralis, Cleo- those names meant nothing to him. He quickly debated maybe ringing Impulse or Ren, but what would he even say now that they were all the way on Hermitcraft?

His brow furrowed, however, seeing Tubbo and Technoblade in Renbob’s contacts. Tubbo was probably from him being on the Hermitheus on the way to HC 9, but how the hell did Renbob know Technoblade?

That was a question for another day.

Wilbur scrolled back up the contacts bar and took a deep breath. This was it. This was it. He gulped down whatever nerves were in his throat, and clicked on the contact with his eyes shut, not wanting to see himself do it. IF he saw, he’d chicken out.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

“Hello? Renbob, what’s up!”

The voice that came through wasn’t Grian’s, and Wilbur’s heart dropped. Instead, he heard a perky, almost princess sounding woman through the speaker.

“I-I’m sorry, I dialed the wrong number.” Wilbur’s eyes snapped open, and he saw the contact's name as ‘Gem’, instead of ‘Grian’. “I’ll um- apologies again, miss.”

“Wait…Wilbur?”

Wilbur immediately hung up the com. If it weren’t for the fact it was Renbob’s communicator, he would’ve tossed it across the street and into oncoming traffic. Who was that woman? And how did she know his name? Wilbur was certain he had never met a Gem before; he was sure he’d remember someone who sounded like she was straight out of a fairy tale cartoon.

Wilbur put his head in his hands.

“Wil! Hey man! I got pretzels!”

Wilbur looked up as he saw Renbob jogging back over to him with a cardboard tray of drinks, and two soft pretzels wrapped in wax paper. His tail was wagging behind him, and he beamed, handing Wilbur the pretzel, and an iced coffee topped with foam. Lots. Of foam.

“How was the phone call?” Renbob sat beside him but made no move to take his com back. Renbob pulled his mask down to take a bite of pretzel, and swallowed with a harsh pain in his throat as he tried not to cough.

Wilbur just gave Renbob a smile, taking the coffee. “It just went right to voicemail.”

“Aw, bummer, man. You can always try again later!”

Yeah, Wilbur thought, trying to find the straw through the glob of coffee foam. He did have later. But when did anybody ever say they were going to do something later, and then actually did it?

Chapter Text

“Etho.”

“Martyn!” Etho beamed under his mask, waving at him. “Hey man, I haven’t seen you in a while. Since uhhh three? Four years ago? For Hearth’s Warming? How’ve you been?” Etho offered their hand for Martyn to shake.

Martyn stared, dumbfounded, but shook Etho’s hand anyway as he gulped down a bundle of nerves. “Hey Etho. Yeah, it’s been some time- what are you doing here? Of all places?”

Quackity clapped Etho on the shoulder. “This guy is the latest edition to Las Nevadas! You should see the shit they’ve done! We’ve got a new casino, we’ve got a bunch of the faulty lighting in the lounge fixed, they’re amazing!” His wings fluttered behind him as he praised Etho to the high heavens.

Etho blushed too, not that anyone could see it under their mask. “Ya know, I just got to building. It’s natural, and you had plenty to work with.”

Eret stood up, curtsying. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Etho. Welcome to the DreamSMP, and to my palace. I am-”

“Eret.” Etho reached across the table to shake her hand. “Yeah, I know about you guys. Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo talked about you all a lot on the way to Hermitcraft. We basically got a DreamSMP 101 from them.” Etho wasn’t going to mention the crystal ball, or the transcripts, or anything else. It was a tall task, keeping that kind of secret, especially from Quackity. But when Martyn glanced at them, Etho had a feeling he already knew. So Etho just kept being polite. “It’s nice to meet you, your majesty.”

Eret shook their hand firmly. “Please, you can just call me Eret. We’re all equals, especially at meetings like these.” She sighed, seeing her stack of papers, now soaked with coffee. “I’ll be right back.” She let go of Etho’s hand and maneuvered around the table, raising her skirt above her ankles so she wouldn’t trip down the stairs on the way to the kitchen.

Puffy scooched over so that Etho could take the seat beside her. “I’m Puffy, welcome aboard.”

“Nice to meet you Puffy. You’re the therapist that sells weed, yeah?”

Puffy let out a laugh that ended in a snort. “Yeah, why, ya want some?”

“Maybe later.” Etho said. They sat down, and glanced over the table, to see Red. The Red King. They knew he looked like Ren, but just seeing him with the face of one their closest friends nearly floored them. And the expression on his face, it was like he had seen a ghost. “Uh, you alright?”

Red cleared his throat and sat back down in his seat; ears pinned back. “Aye, I’ll be fine. It is a pleasure to meet ye, and an honor to have ye on our side. From what- from what I’ve heard of ye, yer quite the redstone expert.”

Etho rubbed the back of their neck. “Ah, I wouldn’t say ‘expert’- I mean I did only just invent the hopper clock, no big whoop or anything.”

“Sounds like a pretty big fucking whoop to me.” Puffy said, leaning her head on her hand. “We could use someone with redstone know-how. A lot of our shit’s pretty broken.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen.” Etho said. “You could really use an extra hand or two.”

“So, you’re staying?” Martyn asked. “What about Hermitcraft?”

Etho waved him off. “You guys need all the help you can get.”

Quackity snorted, looking at Etho with a lovesick smile. “That’s the understatement of the century, Etho.”

“Well, uh-” Red was speechless for once, struggling to find the right words. “We’re glad to have ye on board. When Eret gets back we’ll begin discussing everything that needs to be done. I’m sure ye have heard of the housing in Snowchester, and the schoolhouse opening in the springtime-”

“Eh, kinda?” Etho moved their hand back and forth. “I mean, most of my focus has been on Quackers and Las Nevadas.”

Before anyone could comment on just how red Quackity got from being called ‘Quackers’ by Etho, Eret came back with fresh copies of the papers, and a rag to wipe up the mess. She wiped down where the coffee had spilt and took her seat. “Apologies for the wait.”

“Yer alright, Eret.” Red flashed Eret a reassuring smile. Despite his own fight or flight instincts kicking in at seeing a soul from Third Life that he didn’t want to maim- a soul from that wretched world that he had called a brother in arms- he kept his head on straight for the sake of the server he had come to call home. He stomped down at the ice crystals forming at his feet. None of them needed to see him so worked up. He’d just find solace in the arms of his hand much later.

Eret smiled back at Red and took a deep breath. “To catch you both up- Etho, Quackity-we were talking about what we should be adding to the Mainland. Etho, as you’re the redstone expert, do you think you could build a fax machine for our HQ in the Community House?”

“I could do that in my sleep.” Etho said simply, but they weren’t boasting, not at all. A fax machine was so simple compared to so many of the other redstone contraptions they’ve built in their life. “How soon do you need it by?”

“As soon as possible. What’s your price?”

Etho shook their head. “Nah, I don’t need any money. Just give me discounts at any shops you guys have, I’ll be fine.”

Now it was Martyn’s turn to laugh. “You’ve still got a shopping problem, huh?”

“It’s not a problem if I’m good at it.”

Quackity playfully rolled his eyes. “That casino you built has been open for a week, and you’ve already spent your share of the profits. You wear the same coat every day, what’re you even buying?”

“Quackers, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were ribbing on me.” Etho leaned their head against the palm of their hand, and if they weren’t wearing their mask, Quackity would very clearly be able to see a flirtatious smirk. Etho didn’t often flirt, but when they did, it was enough to bring people to their knees. Just ask BDubs. Or don’t, if you don’t want to see him sprout red roses all over the shopping district.

Quackity’s cheeks turned pink again, turning his head away Etho as he stammered for a quip to toss back.

Puffy was watching this back and forth, giggling to herself. Whoever this Etho guy was, they were real good at turning Quackity into a mess. And hey, it was free entertainment! “Eret, anything else redstone wise we need?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Eret sighed, and she swore she could feel her hair turning gray. “We need security cameras for the museum-”

“I still can’t believe someone just STOLE the van.”

“You and I both! Angel told me a million times that adding an engine to the van wasn’t ‘necessary’, but I was committed to historical accuracy.” Eret grumbled to herself, her ears flushing red in annoyance. “And now, well, there’s a giant blank space in the museum where the camarvan used to- I mean- who in their right mind would steal a van?!”

Wilbur pulled back the curtained walls of a shop that smelled strongly like engine oil, old meat, and shoe polish. “Excuse me?” He asked, spotting the elf at the till. “Is this an automobile shop?”

“Certainly smells like one, man.” Renbob poked his head in, his nose wrinkling under his mask. Even with the bandana over his face, as a dog, he had VERY strong opinions about smells. These were not good smells. He was already starting to feel lightheaded. The whole city was grimey and had that metallic wet penny scent, but this was too much, even for his schnoz. “Yeah, Wil, I’m gonna wait outside, see if I can find a place that sells Advil.”

“Oh, alright, I’ll be quick.” Wilbur stepped into the shop, the rusted floor creaking under his weight. He cringed, taking a step back. He didn’t want to break anything so soon, but by the looks of everything in this shop, it was all so old it’d break at the smallest touch.

The elf woman at the till was tall and fat with cyan curls and gave Wilbur a kind smile. She wasn’t wearing a mask. “Sorry the place is a bit of a mess.” She had a thick Rivendell accent, and it took Wilbur’s brain a tick to register what she was saying.

“It’s alright, I just don’t want to accidentally break something.” Wilbur stepped further in, ducking to avoid a bundle of cables that nearly whacked him in the head. He was much too tall for the shop, hunching so he didn’t smack himself on the ceiling. The woman was sitting at a stool, but if she stood up, Wilbur was sure her antlers would scrape against the metal.

“Shop’s old, if somethin’ breaks, I’ll cover it.” She said with a shrug. “Happens more often than you think. But you don’t wanna hear about that, what’re you looking for?”

Wilbur approached the till, looking down at the glass display case. Inside were all sorts of antiques, which seemed to be the only clean and intact things in the shop. Spy glasses, pieces of jewelry, old leather-bound books. Wilbur’s eyes lit up, but he shook his head, looking back up at the women. He wasn’t here for antiques, no matter how drawn he was to them. “An animal of some sort chewed through my van, and now the engine is smoking. My friend said I need some new wires and a change of oil. Do you have that?”

“Course we have that. It’s a basic repair. But do you know how to fix an engine? You don’t look like the type.” She said.

Wilbur laughed good naturedly. “Trust me, I’m not. My friend is though.”

“Good thing too, I’d hate for you to lug this all the way to your van and not know what you’re doing. She got off of the stool and winced as her horns scraped against the metal with a whine. The golden ornaments jingled with her every step, Wilbur following her to one of the many, many shelves.

She reached her arm up, pulling down two bundles of wires- one red and one green. “Is the smoke black, or gray?”

“Black.”

She handed him the bundle of red wires. “If you run these through the engine with an orange redstone solution, your engine should be good as new. You won’t need the oil unless your oil light is on, is it on?”

Wilbur just gave her a confused look.

“The light next to the gas.”

“Ohh. No, no, that one isn’t on. The check engine light is though, and I did, indeed, check the engine.” Wilbur couldn’t help but smile when he got this woman to laugh.

“That’s the most important step!” She said, going over to another shelf, which was just rows and rows of glass bottles. She picked out an orange cylinder shaped bottle with a cork and handed it to Wilbur. It was filled with a liquid that Wilbur could hear bubbling. “Here, coat the wires in this before running them through. Be careful though, don't let it turn pink."

Wilbur took the cylinder with a nod. “Thank you, I’m absolutely clueless when it comes to this stuff.”

“I can tell.” She said with a smirk. She went back around the till, and her eyes followed Wilbur’s back down to the displays of antiques. “I’m normally not allowed to do this, but you can have a look, if you want.”

The woman laughed again at the surprised look on his face. “Oh! Oh, thank you, um, I’m sorry, did I catch your name?”

“Posie.”

“Wil. Thank you, Posie.” Wilbur’s eyes lit up as she carefully took the items from the pillows they had been placed on, and neatly set them down in front of him. An old pocket watch that was stopped at 4:02 in the evening, old keys on a golden ring-

“Wait.” Wilbur pointed to one of the objects still in the case. “Is that-”

“Oh!” Posie reached down, holding the golden coin in her palms. “An MCC coin!”

“Where did you get an MCC coin?!” Wilbur exclaimed in awe.

“This is my grandpa’s shop, so it’s all his stuff. I have no idea where he got this, but he’s denied anyone who’s tried to trade for it.” Posie shrugged, putting the coin back in its proper place. “Speaking of trade, what do you have for the wires and redstone?”

Wilbur wracked his brain and opened up his inventory. He had a small satchel of diamonds, a pack of trading cards Renbob insisted he bring in case he saw something he absolutely needed, the wrapper from the pretzel. “Um, how about two diamonds?”

Posie wrinkled her nose. “I said trade, Wil.”

“I know, but that's all I’ve got.”

Posie sighed, and then smiled. “Oh alright. Because I like you, you can give me the diamonds.”

Wilbur sighed in relief, pulling two diamonds out of the satchel. “Thank you, Posie.” He put the wires and the vial into his inventory, not wanting the redstone to get jostled around in a bag. He made no move to leave though, continuing to look at the artifacts. The van didn’t have a lot of knick knacks, just whatever Renbob decided made it look more ‘homey’.

He looked them all over, before picking up the leather-bound book. It had no title, no author, and the pages were a crisp yellow. He flipped through, scanning a random page of words. The handwriting was messy, in the way all Old Common was messy, especially in cursive. This was the first time Wilbur was thankful for his lessons, and although he was a little rusty, he could make out the words faded by time.

‘The winters have been harsh, and cold, and without him here I fear soon there will be nothing left for me. It’s already been a quarter of a century, but while I watch everyone around me fade off into the unknown, my closest companion travels and spreads his wings across the open sky. His letters have dwindled, and all I have to remember him is a single feather I wear around my neck, to give me hope that he will return soon. I cannot lead on my own, no matter what My Lady thinks. She has never steered me wrong yet, but there’s a first time for everything.

I condemn myself for even having such thoughts. She has been kind enough to grant me Her guidance, and I repay her by questioning Her. I just can’t help it. I was never meant to lead, but since he has left, I am alone. I do not know why I was ‘blessed’, as my mother used to put it. She is gone now. All these faces are new. Even I do not recognize my own face. Were my eyes always so hollow? Has there always been gray in my hair? Or am I forgetting my own childhood as my mind slips away from me?

This blessing feels more like a curse. And I do not even have the excuse of Hardcore as he does. So, it leaves me watching a winter we have never seen before roll across our desert and wait. Wait to see how many survive, if any at all. And it leaves me to make sure our history is not forgotten.’

Wilbur felt a lump in his throat as he finished the passage. He closed the book, his eyes flitting back up to Posie. “What- what would I have to trade for this?” He asked, trying to keep the waver in his voice from giving away how rattled he was.

“That old thing?” It was obvious she hadn’t read it. “It’s been here longer than I have, you can just have it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ve always gotten a weird vibe from it.” She said. “Is there anything else you need?”

“No, I’m- I’m alright.” Wilbur was thankful for the mask, because his face was probably a pale white. The words he had read rattled in his very bones and he took a step back. “Thank you for all your help.”

“No problem, hey, do you maybe wanna get a coff-”

But Wilbur had rushed out the shop before she could say anything, the book tucked under his arm.

Chapter Text

“Hey boss woman.” Tubbo bent over Tommy as she was laying in the grass, blocking her view of the sun and casting shade over her face. “What goes on?”

Tommy opened one eye, looking up at Tubbo. “I was trying to change form and I must’ve dozed off.” She sat up and yawned, stretching her arms above her head. “Gem said this meditation [beep] worked, so I thought why the hell not. [Beep} just made me sleepy.” Tommy was getting used to the curse words that were permanently stuck in her vernacular being turned into bleeps like a cartoon.

“You were meditating?” Tubbo snickered. He stood back up straight, resting a shulker box on his hip. “How’s hell enjoying the lemonade.”

He jumped out of the way when Tommy kicked his ankle, but Tubbo tumbled to the ground anyway, landing flat on his back with a groan.

“What the hell?!” He exclaimed; the wind having been knocked out of him. “That was a cheap shot, and you know it!”

Tommy snickered. “Sounds like a skill issue to me, I mean, I simply would have dodged that because I am fast, and cool, not THE coolest woman to exist ever- who said that I was hacked.”

“Did I hit my head?” Tubbo groaned, draping one arm over his face.

Tommy laughed, flopping down next to him, practically laying on Tubbo’s other arm. Tubbo grunted but made no move to shove Tommy off or away from him. “Nope, just Tommy being Tommy!”

Tubbo tugged his arm a little bit. “Can you please let go of my arm? I need that arm to do arm stuff with. Like eating. And clobbering you into oblivion if any of the glass in that shulker broke.”

“Why would I ever want to get up if you’re just going to cobble me?”

“It’s not- oh for [beep]’s sake.”

Tommy laughed. “Welcome to censor hell my very good friend! My brother, even! You wouldn’t cobble your dear sister, now, would you?”

Tubbo shot a playful glare at Tommy from under the shield of his arm, a smirk playing on his face at Tommy’s antics. “I damn well would, and you know it!” He tugged, and tugged, finally freeing his arm and rolling onto his side with a laugh of his own.

A calm breeze blew through the air, causing ripples in the Hermissippi River. The sky was clear, and dark blue, barely a cloud in sight. So you could see all the stars. The sun had only just fully set, and both of them were adjusting to the Hermit’s schedules. Most of them were still awake and working like bees, building up new and exciting projects, and of course, setting up pranks.

Tubbo stood up, brushing the grass stains off his overalls. “Come on, let’s get back to the barn.” He pulled Tommy to her feet, then grabbed his shulker back up from the ground. “I’ll put my shulker away, we can have dinner, and then try and figure out some of your shifting issues.”

Tommy giggled childishly. “Don’t you mean shi-”

Tubbo nudged her in the ribs. “Don’t be gross.”

“I’m just saying, they sound too similar! One day SOMEONE’s gonna slip up and say [beep] instead of shift and it’s gonna be a whole [beep]-ing thing!” Tommy was shout-talking again as the two of them crossed one of the stone bridges that connected the river to the land. “I mean really it’s only a matter of time, and I hope I’m there to laugh at the poor, pathetic sod.”

While Tubbo was heavily debating shoving Tommy in the river, it occurred to him that Tommy was becoming less jumpy while on Hermitcraft. A few months ago, if Tubbo had taken a swipe at her, Tommy would’ve jumped out of the way, or reached for her shield. Tubbo wasn’t even sure she carried a shield anymore- he certainly never saw her wearing any armor. Maybe it was just a L’manburg thing, or maybe Tommy actually felt home here.

Not that Tubbo didn’t also feel at home. He was more on edge about the fact he seemed to be going ‘soft’. He was more trusting here than he had been in years, and it’s only been a little over a month since they’d landed. He had a barn, his family was safe, his sons were growing up loved. Yes, his guard was down, but was that really such a bad thing now that he didn’t have to worry about Dream? Now that Technoblade was a family friend instead of an enemy?

Hermitcraft had its own worries though. It wasn’t completely without cause for concern, as Tubbo could point out while walking around the shopping district.

The fact that Grian’s shop seemed to have a mind of its own- taking the water wheel from the river and lodging itself between the cracks in the sediment, and it now jutted out, dripping water into the grass. Or Pearl’s deer statue thing. The eyes on that seemed to follow Tubbo wherever he went, like one of those optical illusion paintings. It made Tubbo’s skin crawl, thinking about something that big and that menacing being…alive.

He wasn’t even going to open the can of worms that was ‘the static’. Once Tubbo had his lab all set up, that would be his first research project. He’d have to set up experiments, and sure, maybe not all of them were going to be ‘safe’ or ‘OSHA compliant’, but he was the only one who could perform them. Ranboo would work themself up into a frenzy if they knew, and Tommy, as much as Tubbo loved her to death, wasn’t going to be much help. They both might’ve grown up in labs, but Tubbo knew Tommy’s childhood consisted more of making Doc and Scar run around like headless chickens than any actual scientific know-how.

Tommy was jabbering on about something or other, and Tubbo nodded along, occasionally giving an “mhm” or an “oh really?”. Tubbo wasn’t necessarily uninterested in Tommy’s anecdotes, but his mind was prone to wandering. If anything, he was just happy to listen.

“Tubbo, did you hear me?”

Tubbo blinked a few times. “Hm? Oh [beep], sorry about that. I kind of zoned out there, what were you saying?”

“I said, I think I’ve found a good spot for my base!”

“So you don’t plan on mooching off me all season?” Tubbo laughed, Tommy inching away to avoid another ‘playful’ elbow to the gut.

“It’s not ‘mooching’, Tubbo! It’s communal living!”

“Still haven’t told Scar you’re a communist yet?”

“I nearly [beep]-ed myself telling him I’m transgender, I think both of us would have a Grian if I told him FLAT OUT that his only daughter isn’t a capitalist.”

Tubbo couldn’t help but smile. He might’ve been jealous of that fact Tommy got to reunite with her family and he was still missing chunks of his, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t happy for her. She came a long way from receiving Sweet Revenge at Renchanting for the sole purpose of slaying ‘Dr. GoodTimes’. Now she was calling herself his daughter! If Tubbo didn’t want to be ribbed at for being mushy, he’d tell Tommy how proud he was.

“Alright alright, where’re you setting up?”

“So I was looking at this GIANT map Joe is working on- you know Joe we all love Joe Hills even if they are a bit mental- and there’s this patch of birch forest RIGHT in between Grian and Doc AND where Scar is gonna build Scarland! That’s his HUGE amusement park, he’s been working on it since before we even spawned. I think I can make something pretty poggers, and if I can’t, I’ll just nuke it and come live with you again!”

“I will literally drop everything to help you build whatever you want if it means you’re out of my house.” Tubbo said, completely deadpan.

“...Wanna cover someone's lawn in dirt penises?”

“Oh, come on.” Tubbo huffed. “I KNOW you can be more original than just dirt [beep]-ing someone’s front lawn. Thousands, millions of blocks in the game, and you go for dirt and mud.”

She gave an offended gasp. “What’s wrong with dirt!?”

“First of all, like I just said, it’s unoriginal-”

“Would you prefer I use DIORITE?!”

“I will cut you out of my will if you put diorite anywhere near my home.” Tubbo snapped back, even if the two were playing around. “I mean it Tommy-Anne.”

Tommy would’ve been ecstatic at the use of her two-syllable name, if she weren’t too busy being mock offended. “And miss out on all that prenup money?!

Tubbo groaned for what felt like the millionth time in this conversation alone. “Boss woman, that isn’t what a prenup is at all. I- when are you gonna finally stop bringing up the prenup thing?”

“When Doc FINALLY agrees to sign one!” Tommy exclaims. “I went through ALL the trouble of writing a prenup just for him to say he doesn’t NEED IT! ‘Mimimimimi I’m happy in my marriage Tommy mimimi I’m lame now’- can you believe him? Can you BELIEVE what I have to put up with?”

“I’m tuning you out now.” Tubbo said. He could see the barn in the distance, and he was debating whether or not he should just call Iskall over to make dinner. He’d been grinding almost all day for glass, iron, and calcite, and his hands needed a rest. He obviously couldn’t ask Ranboo to cook, and if he asked Tommy to help out with dinner, his kids would be on a sugar high for the next week. “What do you want for dinner?” He asked.

Tommy stopped to think for a tick. “Huh. Wanna make Xisuma order us a pizza?”

Tubbo sighed in relief. “Gods yes. I do NOT have the spoons to stand in the kitchen.”

“I keep telling you, use your walker! You built it for a reason!”

“I don’t need my walker yet!”

“OH MY COD YES YOU DO TUBBO.”

“I don’t!” Tubbo would’ve crossed his arms if he wasn’t still holding a shulker box.

“Tubbo I am going to steal all of your left socks and throw them in the Hermissippi I swear to- WHAT THE [BEEP].”

Tommy had opened the front door, and her jaw dropped to the ground. The entire lounge, and all the way up the stairs, was covered in balloons. The balloons that had popped left globs of shaving cream, whipped cream, and marshmallow fluff, and Tommy couldn’t decipher what was that. The devil tail she had been sporting since Hearth’s warming stood up straight and poofed out until it was a Jellie tail.

“Daddy!” Michael squealed, covered in white goop.

“What. The. Actual. [Beep].” Tubbo said, his voice unusually calm for someone who looked like he was about to dive off the deep end. “What- oh my cod. Prank or present.”

Tommy’s eyes blew wide, and her head whipped over to Tubbo. “We completely forgot prank or present!”

Tubbo was shaking. He dropped the shulker in the grass and put his head in his hands. “Where is your papa?” He asked, his voice being muffled.

“I’m here, I’m here!” Ranboo was wading through balloons, their horns having poked holes in a few that were closer to the ceiling. They were covered in shaving cream- not whipped cream. They checked. "We just got back from BDubs and Cleo’s!” They shook their head, trying to get the globs out of their braids.

Grumbot and Michael were having the time of their lives, jumping around and throwing balloons at each other. Grumbot laughed when one popped on his screen, and two little windshield wipers wiped the mess away.

“I- I need to lie down.” Tubbo trudged through the mass of balloons, and once he got to the couch, he flopped face first onto it, popping several of the balloons in the process. He just groaned; face covered in what was thankfully whipped cream. “Whoever did this is on my [beep] list.”

Tommy stumbled through the mass of balloons. “Okayyyyy ya know what? C’mon kids, we’re getting dinner and a shower at-”

“Ren’s!” Michael cheered.

“Yeah Ren!” Grumbot threw his arms in the air.

Tommy resisted the urge to whine and complain, just nodding with a forced smile on her face. “If you wanna go see Ren, we’ll go see Ren! Even if he is a no good tory.”

“You can’t- you can’t just call everyone you disagree with a tory.” Ranboo said. They yelped, stepping on a balloon and popping it. They stumble back first onto the floor, popping more balloons. “Ya know what? I’m just- I’m gonna stay here.”

“You enjoy floor time.” Tommy picked Grumbot up and held Michael’s hand. “Tubbo, when do you want them home by?”

Tubbo just let out a noise of what could only be described as endless suffering.

“...I’ll just say ten. C’mon you two, Auntie’s taking you to see Ren. Why do you wanna see Ren anyway? We could lich-rally go see ANYBODY else. Pearl, Scar, Impulse! C’mon, you guys love Impulse!”

“We want Gigapies!” Michael said, his little tail wagging from his overalls, that were embroidered with bees, and now covered in marshmallow fluff. Do you know how hard it is getting those kinds of stains out of denim? Especially acid washed denim! You couldn’t just toss that into a washing machine! Tommy’d have to scrub that by hand! And cod forbid any of the embroidery frayed, then she’d throw a fit.

Tommy grumbled about that under her breath as she left the barn, closing the door behind her.

“If I ever find out who did this, I am going to make their life a living hell.” Tubbo said into the couch cushions. He spit marshmallow fluff out of his mouth but made no other move to get up from his wallowing.

Ranboo sat on the floor next to him and reached to hold his hand. Tubbo squeezed it, and Ranboo squeezed back with an exhausted smile. “Whoever got us, they got us good.”

“Babe, you said you’d support me in anything I do, right?”

“I don’t like the direction this is going.”

“Ranboo my Underscore Beloved, if you support my right’s, you also have to support my wrongs. That’s marriage.”

“I- alright, alright. I’ll support your nefarious wrong doings.”

“I’d kiss you but I’m too tired.”

Ranboo let out a small laugh. “Do you want me to call Scar to help clean up? Or maybe Iskall?”

Tubbo propped himself up onto his elbow. “...Auntie used to be a bounty hunter.”

“You can’t- Tubbo I don’t think the crime matches the punishment.”

Tubbo just flopped back down. “Don’t try and logic me out of this, I just wanna mope.”

“That I can support you in.” Ranboo leaned over and kissed his forehead. “You do anything interesting today?”

“Just some grinding.” Tubbo rolled from his stomach to his back. “How the hell did they get all those balloons on the ceiling? The ceiling!”

Ranboo leaned their head back, and purred when Tubbo absentmindedly pet their hair, despite it being a sticky mess. “I dunno- glue maybe?”

Tubbo grumbled. “They better prepare for the wrath of Tubbo.” Tubbo yawned, and lightly bonked his head against Ranboo’s. “Bonk. What’d you do today?”

“Bonk. And uh, not much. Took Michael and Grumbot to see Cleo build some statues and BDubs work on his monolith thing. Joe came by, she did a few laps around the Shopping District with his elytra- they loved it.”

“Mmmmm.” Tubbo yawned again, drifting off.

Ranboo smiled at him. “And Scar was talking about maybe selling some cookies-” They looked up at Tubbo, and when they saw he was half asleep, they pressed a kiss to the back of his hand.

They thought about what they did today, while massaging Tubbo’s hand, rubbing circles in his knuckles. Any chance they could, they read a passage from the tome. Because of how often they were around other people they only made it up to page five, but they were already so eager to know more, to learn more. It was just the basics so far, but it just made them light up in excitement. They could use magic to help their family.

Techno’s letter was still tucked into the book jacket, folded up neatly into a perfect rectangle.

‘Ranboo do NOT go around messing with magic. Write me back ASAP or I’m breaking back onto Hermitcraft’.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t uncommon to find Tommy or Tubbo rifling through random chests like a pair of racoons. Ranboo at least had the manners to ask, but if it was out in the open, it was seen as first come first serve for those two. Not that the Hermits minded. Anything they didn’t want swiped they just put in their enderchest, or a shulker box they kept on them. They didn’t mind chest monsters being seen as free game, because they could always just gather more materials.

That was especially the case with Joe Hills.

They were more than happy to share what supplies they had with the other Hermits that needed them. He had plenty of stone, wood, brick, and concrete to spare- she could turn a blind eye when Tommy swiped a few stacks of cobble, or Tubbo rummaged around for an extra axe after his broke.

Besides, she was still trying to figure out the next step of his haunted house! Grinding just gave him more time to think and plan. It just had a dirt foundation for now, and of course windows. Windows that were purposefully cracked, broken, and shattered to really give the feeling that this was a building long forgotten, long abandoned.

A building that was truly haunted.

Joe probably should’ve warned the others about the ‘wordles’. He had grown used to the ghosts' presence- they were really no different than his Chat. All the green blobs did was drift through the walls, moaning and groaning the same word over and over again. That’s how Joe dubbed them ‘wordles’ in the first place. It took him a few tries to guess the words right some days, but when she did, the ghosts lit up from gray to green, and stayed that way.

They weren’t hurting anybody, and they certainly weren’t bothering Joe, so she figured he had no reason to tell anybody about them. Occasionally one would float too far away from the house in the middle of the night, but Joe was able to drag it back with a lead. It was a little surprising that they were somehow classified as mobs, but Joe was no scientist. And all the scientists on the server were sure to scare the poor things off.

He also just wound up getting preoccupied a lot. When Joe did think of telling Xisuma, or Cleo, or Doc, something would pop up that would make him leave the haunted house. Helping Gem drain her ocean monument, any time they had an H.H.H, and the night before, when Ranboo called and said they needed help cleaning the house after a prank or present. So once again, the wordles were Joe’s not so secret- secret.

Anyone who went inside the house was in for a bit of a surprise.

“Did Joe say you could rummage through his things?” Grian gave an exasperated sigh, despite rummaging right alongside Tubbo.

“He didn’t need to! They’ve got an open chest policy!” Tubbo tossed a stack of dirt over his shoulder, and it exploded into a small mole hill of mud and topsoil.

Grian didn’t know how Tubbo had managed to rope him into this. Tubbo knew Grian had a weakness for shenanigans, and he was exploiting that weakness darn it! Besides, it was probably good that Grian get away from the entity for a bit. He didn’t like the fact that it seemed to be…thinking. That shulkers were starting to refill themselves automatically instead of Grian having to go material gathering. So yeah, some good old-fashioned shenanigans would probably help clear all the muck out of his head, and who was he to pass up shenanigans? “You’re really dead set on this.”

“Of course I am, Grian!” Tubbo stuffed half a stack of bone meal into his inventory. “Zedaph’s gotta pay!”

“This isn’t how Prank or Present is supposed to work.” Grian said, rolling his eyes.

“Nope, he messed with the wrong brand-new Hermit!” Tubbo let out an annoyed bleat under his breath. “He’s lucky Mumbo and I dismantled the nuke, or I’d set it on his base and-”

Grian put a hand on his shoulder. “Listen, Tubbo. I’m all for petty revenge. But we’re not blowing Zedaph up. I just got back to Hermitcraft, I’m not getting kicked out now.” Grian said, half joking, but it had a bittersweet edge to it. He had only just gotten back. It had been a month and he still wasn’t used to all…this. The domesticity and safety that came with the start of a new season. It almost didn’t feel real.

Every time Grian fell asleep, he feared he would wake back up in Limbo.

“Psssh, first of all, you wouldn’t get kicked out, I would, and I’VE got a backup plan.” Tubbo opened up another double chest. “Where’s all his redstone gone?”

“Why would Joe have redstone? They’re not a redstoner.”

Tubbo shrugged. “I just assumed they had everything at this point.” He shut the chest, and hopped up onto it, sitting crisscrossed. “And second of all, if Zed didn’t want to be blown up, he shouldn’t have pranked me like that!”

“Again. And I cannot stress this enough. PRANK. Or present.”

“He should’ve pranked someone else then!”

“That’s not-” Grian cut himself off with an exasperated sigh. He hated when he had to be the adult, but it wasn’t his fault he was so good at it! “What is the plan here?”

Tubbo’s grin widened. “Grian, I am so glad you asked! Are you aware of the old cartoon Wile E Coyote?”

“...Tubbo I dunno if I like where this is going.”

Tubbo wasn’t listening to Grian’s excuse, instead choosing to hop from one chest to another, and leaning over to peek in the chest just next to it. “Dropping an anvil on him, that’d be too predictable. I could try a fishing rod, but there isn’t a 100% success rate, and I don’t do anything unless I’m GUARANTEED results!” Tubbo moved blocks of sand and clumps of strings around. “We’re going for a CLASSIC ‘pitfall that looks like normal terrain’.”

Grian’s exasperation with his fellow Hermits knew no bounds, and neither did his exasperation with the boy he watched grow up before his eyes. “So you’re taking advice from a cartoon? I can- I can name a million other traps that don’t involve an animated coyote and a chicken.”

“A ROADRUNNER, Grian, ROADRUNNER. It’s in the name!” Tubbo pulled out a piston with a grunt and examined it. “Hm, wonder how many thrusts per tick this one has?” He turned it over and over in his hands, getting slime on his hands from the ‘sticky’ part of the sticky piston. “I mean really, I know you’re old, but not that old.”

“I- I’m only 100.” Grian looked down at the grass, an almost haunted look in his eyes. “MAYBE pushing 150.”

“I hate to break it to you, Grian, but that’s old.” Tubbo put the piston in his inventory and jumped back into the grass. “Outside chests are a bust, I’m going in.”

Grian couldn’t even stop Tubbo on the basis that stealing was wrong. He’d been stealing from his fellow Hermits for years and blaming it on ‘lag!’ This was one of those moments Grian realized that he was a TERRIBLE influence. Besides Joe hadn’t pissed him off yet, he had no reason to go full blown pesky bird on him. But he just heaved a sigh, hiked up his long skirt, and followed Tubbo into the haunted house.

The house was crumbling, but that’s what you got when you built your foundations out of dirt instead of wood or even scaffolding. The roof was held up by fence posts so it wouldn’t collapse in on itself, and cardboard so the dirt floor was…less dirty? Joe Hills had always been a bit of an enigma to Grian. The floor was one giant patch of green grass, and lanterns rested on top of slabs and crafting tables instead of hanging from the ceiling or walls. Grian picked one up, squinting. He didn’t like using his Sight unless he absolutely had to, so he’d just suffer in the semi-darkness.

Tubbo however was used to the dark. He could see near perfectly and made a b-line for the chests lined up against the walls. He propped one open, using a stick to keep it wide so he could look around. “Found some redstone!” He exclaimed triumphantly.

“What kind?” Grian walked over and held the lantern above Tubbo’s head so that he could actually see. “Try and go for the liquid redstone instead of the chalk, it’ll make the pistons for the trap go smoother.”

“Since when are you a redstone expert? Stealing Mumbo’s brand now?” Tubbo looked up quizzically at Grian but took the vials of liquid redstone instead of satchels of powder or bunches of chalk tied together by string. Grian was right, it was easier to control drops of liquid when it came to pistons. The chalk or powder dissolved too quickly to elements and had more of a chance of turning…pink.

Grian let out an offended squawk. “Mumbo’s not the only redstoner on the server!”

“Yeah, there’s Doc.”

Grian’s feathers ruffled, but he laughed alongside Tubbo. He laughed, until he felt a cold shiver run down his spine. Tubbo was talking about the difference between liquid redstone solution and powder, but Grian wasn’t listening, because the hair on the back of his neck had stood up.

He knew what it was like to be Watched.

“Tubbo I think we need to leave.” Grian put a hand on Tubbo’s shoulder, trying to ignore how it trembled.

“What? Why? What’s going on bossman?”

“Yeah ‘boss man’, what’s going on?”

Tubbo and Grian both screamed and turned around so fast Grian swore he heard a snap. Tubbo fell back first into the chest, his legs awkwardly sticking out as he and Grian stared at the corporeal figure in front of them.

She was transparent, as most ghosts tended to be, but she had the added edition of having a rotating halo made of rainbow spindles. Her crystal blue eyes were hidden under fogged up glasses, and her long, brown hair went down to her back and moved like it was floating in water. She had a guitar strapped to her back and wore simple everyday clothes- a flannel shirt and jeans- that you wouldn’t expect to see on a ghost.

She leaned into Grian’s face with a mischievous smirk.

“Boo.”

Grian picked Tubbo up like a gangly cat and absolutely hightailed it out of there. He was NOT dealing with ghosts. After Watchers, Listeners, Gods, and all other kinds of crazy shit, ghosts were where Grian drew the line in the sand.

“WHAT THE [BEEP] WAS THAT!” Tubbo exclaimed, turning his head to look back at the haunted house. But when his eyes faced the open doorway, the figure who had been floating upside down was gone, nothing but air left.

“I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T WANT TO FIND OUT.” Grian spread his wings and the two took off over the shopping district, Grian still holding Tubbo by the underarms.

Tubbo huffed, trying to get the air back in his lungs. “Where’re we going now?”

“We are going back to your base, and we are pretending THAT didn’t happen.” Grian genuinely looked rattled and kept a tight grip on Tubbo’s jacket, so he didn’t go plummeting.

“But I still need things!”

“We can go to LITERALLY anyone else. I’m sure Doc has PLENTY of redstone whatcha-ma-call-its at The Perimeter, no need to deal with…whatever the FUCK was going on back there!”

Tubbo gasped. “You used your [beep] word!”

“Yes, I did, I think this required a [beep] word!”

“GRIAN SAID [BEEP].”

“TUBBO I AM A GROWN MAN I AM ALLOWED TO SAY [BEEP].”

While those two idiots were squabbling up in the air, the ghost that was haunting the house of Joe Hills let herself become corporeal again. She floated up to rest on one of the closed chests, one leg crossed over the other. “That was too easy.” She said to no one, her voice with a soft reverb to it.

It was only a few clicks later when she heard whistling. She laughed to herself and turned invisible again, waiting for her chance to strike on the unsuspecting owner of the house.

Joe sighed once he saw the door was wide open and stepped into the threshold of the house. “Quinn, I know you’re there.”

“Boooo you’re no fun.” The ghost, Quinn, turned visible again.

Joe set down the stack of shulker boxes, and their eyes gravitated towards the open chests. “What happened to my stuff?” He asked, going over and closing the chest, not even bothering to look for what was missing. These chests weren’t too important, just extra storage.

“Some kid and some bird.”

“Tommy and Grian?”

“Eh, about this tall?” Quinn floated up, putting her hand at around mid-shoulder. “Goat horns?”

“Tubbo and Grian, gotcha.” Joe nodded to herself, backing their com from his pocket.

< joehillssays > tubbo if you need materials you could’ve just asked

< Tubbo > HOW

< Tubbo > HOW DO YOU DO THAT

< ZombieCleo > it’s the Joe Hills Difference

< joehillssays > thank you kindly Cleo!

< ZombieCleo > never said it was a compliment!

< joehillssays > i’m aware Cleo!

“Hey, when’re you gonna tell your friends about me?” Quinn looked over Joe’s shoulder at his communicator, watching the messages scroll by. “Or about the wordles?”

“When I can figure out how I became Ghost HQ.” Joe said, sending out a final message before putting her com away. “And once I actually start building up the foundations. I don’t need Doc busting in here with a bunch of redstone machines before I know what I’m gonna build.”

“Until then, I’m here to haunt you!” Quinn chirped, kicking her legs behind her.

Joe rolled his eyes but had a fond smile on their face. “It ain’t annoying, I’m happy for the company. One of my best friends is undead, and they haunt me more than you ever could.”

Chapter Text

Tommy sat on the roof of the now fully abandoned and looted wooden mansion with her design book propped up onto her lap, and April air creating a warm breeze that meant her cardigan was tied around her waist instead of being around her shoulders. Her colored pencils sat in a pile beside her, and Jellie was curled up on top of her bag, napping in the golden sun beams.

Her com buzzed with the music playing from it, The Able Sisters slightly distorted by the fact her speakers had all sorts of gunk in them. It wasn’t her fault though, her communicator had been through a lot! She was pretty sure this was the same com she had gotten from Mumbo all the way back when she was staying with Technoblade, so suffice to say, it had been through the ringer. Tommy would replace it, but at this point she was just curious to see how long it’d last before finally crapping out. Once it did, she’d honor it with a Viking funeral.

The reason she was on top of the mansion instead of somewhere in the Shopping District was because Tommy knew Doc was planning on blowing this whole area up to make room for The Perimeter, and she wanted to enjoy the view while she still had the chance.

And what a gorgeous view it was. Surrounding the wooden mansion was a vibrant evergreen forest just teeming with life. Mainly birds and squirrels, but occasionally Tommy would see a deer prance along the forest floor, or a bear sniffing around for something to eat before lumbering back to its den back towards where Scarland was going to be built. Tommy even made eye contact with a fox before it scrambled back to where its pups were calling out under a ripped-up tree root from a storm.

Tommy frowned. If Doc went through with his project, all this life…

Tommy just shuddered. It was like when she thought about the destruction of L’manburg- New L’manburg- too much. The fact L’manburg held the only cherry and orange tree on the server. The fact L’manburg had the perfect flora for butterflies. All of that had been destroyed. No more cherries. Or oranges. Or butterflies.

She looked down at her design book, and realized she had begun sketching out a series of skirts that looked like animal patterns that Tommy could easily recreate with embroidery. Spots on a deer's flank, the colorful spirals of a butterfly, the spots on a bobcat. Some of these animals Tommy had only seen in picture books or films, and some of these animals Tommy was sure were made up. There was no way in hell moose were real. That’d be fucking terrifying.

“Jellie, what do you think?” Tommy propped her sketchbook up for Jellie to take a look up.

Jellie perked her head up and sniffed the air, giving Tommy a meow that sounded approving. Then she laid back down, her tail swishing Tommy’s hand away so she could sleep in peace.

Tommy rolled her eyes, giving Jellie a gentle scritch behind the ears. “Yeah yeah, I know, it’s nap time. But I’ve got no one else to show my designs off to! You’re my muse!”

Jellie nudged Tommy’s com with her back paw, before rolling over and showing off her tummy.

Tommy cooed, resisting the urge to pet all up and down her tummy. She had the cutest pet on the entire server, she was sure of it. Sure, Max was adorable, and Winnie was an absolute sweetheart, but in Tommy’s eyes, nobody could beat Jellie. She'd been with her since childhood, and Tommy couldn’t be happier she had managed to find her on the DreamSMP.

Picking up one of her colored pencils, Tommy got back to shading in the intricate patterns of peacock feathers that lined the A-Line skirt Tommy had paired with an angel sleeved blouse. She hadn’t decided what color the blouse would be- either a blue to match or an off white- but she thought the ensemble would look perfect on Pearl. When Tommy got around to constructing it that is.

She had to build some sort of house first. Tubbo was right, she couldn’t just mooch off him forever, and honestly, she needed some type of studio to sew. She didn’t have enough room for full scale projects at the barn, besides maybe knitting and crocheting. She hadn’t started any major projects yet and hadn’t even taken her sewing machine out of her ender chest.

Tommy dog-eared the page with her peacock outfit and flipped her book over, wiping the eraser marks off of a page she had forgotten about. With her red pencil she started a vague outline, but drawing buildings was a lot harder than drawing dresses and skirts, in her honest and correct opinion. She wasn’t a natural builder like Pearl, Grian, or Scar. She had built with Scar only once- that mossy cobble tower that was still somewhere back on the DreamSMP.

Scar had called her a natural. But it didn’t feel as natural as yarn woven between her fingers, or the pedal of the sewing machine under his foot. It was natural as the stitches she weaved between fabrics, and some days, she felt the stitches were the same as the ones left tattooed against her skin. Some days her heart didn’t even feel like a heart, but like cotton stuffed in the center of a gaping, brother shaped cavity in her chest.

You could tell when a garment has been well loved, because it was always worn out. The threads were frayed in places, mended over and over again in alternating colors. There were small tears that were hard to miss but exposed the skin to cold or hot air. The fabric became stretched out, a little scratchier, a little less vibrant or shiny. You could tell when a garment be it a sweatshirt, or a skirt, or even a security blanket had been loved for years, because even if it became a rag, you’d never dare part with it.

Tommy was a well-worn and well-loved garment. She was a security blanket. But instead of being outgrown, she had simply grown too much. It was easier for her to think about it than it was for her to explain it, but she knew from her own visible wear and tear, that there had been times she was loved. She was loved like her patched-up cardigan was loved. Like her favorite red and white baseball shirt had been loved, and now sat folded in her enderchest. She was loved like Tubbo’s jacket, and Ranboo’s suit, and Michael’s plush chicken. It had taken her so long to realize it, but when she did, it was like she was breathing clean air after so long of inhaling smog.

She didn’t even realize she had been sketching while so deep in thought until her eyes flitted back down to the paper.

It wasn’t something Tommy would normally think of creating, but if that’s where her subconscious took her, who was she to deny it?

In red graphite in her design book was the rough and jagged outline of a treehouse with a hole in the middle. A balcony was held up by the tree's trunk, and steps leading up to the balcony looked to be floating mid-air, but Tommy wasn’t sure how that’d be possible yet. A large swing hung from the leaves, just like the tire swing back in L’manburg. And around the base of the tree was a cobblestone path, and two small patches of farmland for carrots, and flowers for dyes.

Tommy beamed. Yes, she thought the tree thing was a little over done. So she took her putty eraser and replaced the jagged leaves with a round mushroom cap, scribbling in dots. She was sure no one was living out of a giant mushroom yet!

“Jellie, pspspsps, I know you’re in Snoozeville, population you, but look!” Tommy practically shoved her design book in her cat’s face, a proud smile plastered on her face.

Jellie looked up, and this time she really examined the page. She tilted her head, then purred, jumping into Tommy’s lap.

“Aw, you’re the best [beep]-ing kitty cat in the whole world of kitty cats, you know that? Yeah, yeah you do.” Tommy leaned down and kissed her little head, chuckling when she let out a long ‘mrrrrpr.’ You know, those noises content and happy kitty cats make. “You know where we can find the materials to make this thing? I don’t have a whole [beep] ton of diamonds yet, so either I’m gonna have to go full on racoon, or we’re doin’ some good old-fashioned haggling! You wanna help me haggle Jellie, huh? Wanna help your favorite Tommy-Anne haggle?”

Jellie was enjoying all the pats and chin scritches, a smile on her squishy kitty cat face. She did a big stretch and butted her head up into Tommy's hand, then hopped out of her lap and nudged Tommy’s com towards her with her nose.

“You are way too smart for your own good.” Tommy gave her another little head pat and pulled up the chat feature on her com. Except. None of the buttons were working. Not the up or down key, not the keyboard itself. So Tommy had no way of sending a message or stopping the music.

“Oh my cod. I FINALLY [beep]-ing killed this thing!” Tommy exclaimed. She smashed the buttons a few more times for good measure, before pocketing it in her inventory. “Gonna have to upgrade, I guess! Tubbo’s been on [beep] about getting a new com for aaaaaaages now. ‘Mimimi Tommy I am Tubbo and I know technology why are you still in the beta age mimimi your com sucks, you still use CARTRIDGES’ what the hell is wrong with CARTRIDGES! PRICK.”

Jellie was just staring at Tommy while she vented, no thoughts, head empty. She blinked up at her and meowed, getting settled back into her bag.

Tommy scooped up the bag with Jellie in it, draping it over her shoulders. “I mean, really, not all of us invented nuclear [beep]-ing physics, some of us are really [beep]-ing gals who just need a com that WORKS and can still play music and Sonic- have I ever shown you Sonic, Jellie? I think you’d be a big Sonic enjoyer- it’s like Star Wars but if Luke was hedgehog- see now that is a sentence that would get me disowned by Scar IMMEDIATELY along with the sentence ‘Scar I am a communist’. You reckon he’d be cross with me being a communist?”

Yeah, Jellie wasn’t paying attention.

“Ya know what, we’re just gonna keep that between you, me, and Tubbo.” Tommy covered her eyes with her hand as she looked out towards the Shopping District, squinting. “Think I can jump from this far up?”

Jellie nipped at her hand.

“Aye!” Tommy swiped her hand back. “Alright alright, message received. I’ll try ‘n grow my wings back.” She grumbled and huffed. She had already spent so long mastering being able to change form whenever she wanted, and now because of her stupid code she had to learn how to do it all over again! What kind of bullshit was that?

Back on the DreamSMP, all Tommy had to do to switch rapidly from form to form was under mass amounts of stress. Wings in L’manburg. Racoon with Technoblade. An angel in the prison. Tommy even remembered when Scar had been crushed by the botched infinity portal, how she had switched forms so suddenly, that her wings had looked like a crashed computer screen, the blue practically blinding against the winter landscape.

But here? What stress was actually on Hermitcraft? Making diamonds, playing pranks? That was nothing compared to what she had already been through. So what was she supposed to do now?

According to Tubbo it wasn’t ‘healthy’ to give herself a panic attack every time she needed to change her form, but she didn’t really see any other choice. She needed wings to get off the towering build, since she always forgot to carry blocks on her.

Tommy squeezed her eyes shut and tried to think of all the wing possibilities.

Wings like Grian? Well, which ones? The rainbow wings from L’manburg? The black wings from Pogtopia? Or the phoenix wings he had now, colored like a sunset and still being used to light up cigarettes when he thinks no one is noticing?

Wings like Pearl? The soft, shimmery, almost fuzzy moth wings that could flicker from blue to gold in an instant? Whenever Tommy gained moth wings they were always pink. She didn’t know, guess she just liked the color.

Or what about wings like Jimmy used to have? Giant canary wings that could wrap around her like a blanket?

Martyn’s wings? Quackity’s wings, even if they couldn’t fly? The wings Scar had attached to his wheelchair?

Why were there so many different kinds of wings? Tommy wasn’t used to thinking this long about her form, and it was really starting to stress her out. She knew this was just a small, trivial thing that could be solved with just one decision, but her skin still crawled, and she started to struggle to breathe.

Jellie noticed this and bonked her head against Tommy’s chest.

Tommy gave her a weak smile. “I’m trying my best, Jellie. My best might be dog [beep], but it’s really all I’ve [beep]-ing got for now.”

Jellie gave a purr of approval from her bag, before ducking her head back in so she could bap around a spool of the special ‘Jeb Thread’ that Puffy had gotten Tommy during Hearth’s Warming. Tommy kept a spool on her at all times, just because she liked watching the colors change.

She sat back down and let her legs dangle off the edge. She was pretty sure she could jump right down and only slightly twist her ankle, but she was pretty sure if she came back to spawn with the slightest of limps, Scar would have a Grian.

But just below Tommy, there was a small cluster of trees that wasn’t connected to the forest. They had probably been planted by one of the Hermits, because they just didn’t blend in with the landscape. They weren’t the same dark oak trees.

“Alright Jellie. I’m gonna jump.”

Jellie’s head shot back up.

“Three.”

Meow.

“Two.”

Meow!

“ONE!”

MEOW.

Tommy leapt off the roof of the wooden mansion and stuck her arms out. She hit the leaves of the tree, but managed to grab onto the branches, swinging like she was on the monkey bars of a playground. She kicked her legs back and forth like she was swimming, and jumped down to the next branch, before sliding perfectly onto the ground.

Jellie looked absolutely frazzled by this, eyes wide and leaves in her fur.

“WOOOOOOOO LET’S GO!” Tommy cheered for herself, clapping. She laughed and started plucking the foliage out of her hair, which was poofing out of her hair scrunchies from the fall. If she was really that dirty, she’d just jump in the Hermissippi for a quick wash. Yes, even if Tubbo didn’t have a functioning shower yet, Keralis had one and had been letting the Hermits who didn’t have plumbing use it. But really, did Tommy NEED a shower when there was a perfectly good lake?

Tommy headed back towards the Shopping District, taking her cane from her inventory. Her design book and com were still safe in their slots, as well a few other bits and bobs.

It was honestly a much longer trek than Tommy had thought. By the time actually even saw the Shopping District the sun had already started to set, and her legs were killing her. Even with the support of her cane, she still felt like dropping and taking a nap in the woods. She’s done it before; she could do it again!

Her com was busted, so calling for any help wasn’t going to happen. So either Tommy needed to grow wings right this very tick, or quickly find shelter.

When she heard the groan of a zombie, shelter seemed like the smartest decision.

Tommy ran into the first cave she could find, and quickly blocked it off with the boulders around the entrance. She huffed and puffed; just glad she had a pickaxe in her inventory. She could just clear the rocks away later.

She dug around in her bag and took out a lighter, setting the tip of a long stick on fire. She held it up, looking around the small mouth of the cavern. It only wasn’t that deep a cave, in fact, Tommy could see the other end of it. She walked closer to it, and saw the beginnings of someone’s strip mine.

“Reckon we should follow it?” Tommy turned her head towards Jellie.

Jellie hopped out of the bag and started to trot down the mine.

“Guess we’re following it! Lead the way, Jellie!” Tommy followed her cat down a straight line. Then steep steps. Then another straight line, and a left turn. “Where the Hels are you taking me, Jellie?”

Jellie seemed to know exactly what she was doing, bounding faster to the right.

“AYE! Wait up!”

Tommy picked up the pace, her brisk walk turning into a sprint. She could feel herself growing hungry, and if she could curse herself out for not bringing any food without being beeped, she would. Scar had plenty of cookies, Tubbo’s aunt had carrots, Joe always had food on him. And yet, Tommy chose to wait till the very last tick.

Her eyes went wide seeing Jellie bound into what was definitely an open cave. “Jellie! Jellie don’t go in there I don’t have A SHIELD!”

Tommy rushed in after her, and her heart nearly stopped seeing the monstrous cavern. Dripstone hung from the cave ceiling with glow berries wrapped around them like tendrils. The ground below was steep and jagged in some places, and in others was just a thick blanket of moss. Tommy sucked in a sharp breath, and then sighed in relief when he heard Jellie meowing.

“Jellie!” Tommy scooped her up, dangling her by the underarms. “What the hell?! Where even are we?!”

Jellie let out a meow that echoed through the cavern.

Tommy could hear the flutter of bats above them, and the dripping of water down onto the cave floor. For some reason, she couldn’t hear any mobs- no zombies, or skeletons. Not even a slime. Tommy should be grateful for that, but she was instantly suspicious, instantly on guard. She put Jellie back into her bag and replaced her cane with her pickaxe. The blade of it would make a better weapon than the foam cushion on the bottom of the cane.

She started to creep further into the cave, each step taking with precision. Her knuckles gripped the hilt of her pick so tight they were turning white, and she was looking over her shoulder so much a crick was starting to form in her neck. She tiptoed as if the stone and gravel were squeaky floorboards.

“Alright Jellie, why’d you bring me down here?” Tommy mumbled to herself, turning around a pillar of crumbling granite.

The ground under Tommy suddenly became softer. Her eyes blew wide, and she looked down, seeing instead of stone or moss, she was standing on an odd gray rock.

She probably shouldn’t have pressed her luck.

But she stamped down, just to be sure.

The basalt beneath her crumbled, and she screamed bloody murder as she plummeted. Her arms instantly wrapped around her bag, holding Jellie to her chest as she prepared for a painful respawn. But instead of landing on something hard that surely would’ve broken something- whether it be her back or her spine, she landed on something much softer. Something much more person like.

“Oh goodness me!”

Tommy was too busy staring up in wonder at what she had just fallen into to fully register Xisuma’s voice. She stared in awe at the shimmering amethyst crystals all around her, and only got up when she was pulled up by Xisuma.

The person she had landed on didn’t even groan, just stood up without a scratch.

“Keralis, are you alright?” Xisuma asked worriedly. “Tommy, are YOU alright?”

“Oh I’m fine Shashwammy!” Keralis waved Xisuma off with a bright smile and a pep in his step.

Tommy’s face turned from awe to disgust as she realized who exactly Jellie had led him to. Out of all the ‘couples’ Tommy knew on Hermitcraft, any pair that included Keralis immediately put her gross factor up to 100.

“I really wish that fall would’ve just killed me.”

Chapter Text

“Tommy-Anne!” Keralis pulled Tommy into a hug, practically beaming. “It’s good to see you again!”

“Bugger off, you see me like, every day at the Shopping District.” Tommy squirmed in Keralis’s hug until he let go, still smiling that 1,000-diamond smile. It was a little unnerving. The guy was always smiling, or always looking shocked by something- like his face was pretending to be human but all it could manage was a cheap imitation. “What are you two DOING down here anyway?”

“I could be asking you the same thing.” Xisuma’s brows knit together, looking Tommy up and down. “How’d you find us?”

Meow.

All heads turned to the Jellie cat trotting around Tommy’s legs. Tommy made a vague gesture towards her, before scooping her back up. “My cat’s a GPS.”

Keralis let out a hearty laugh, scritching between Jellie’s ears. “You’re a good little kitty cat, aren’t you sweet face? Spank you very much for leading Tommy-Anne to us, she must’ve been lost.”

The heat rose in Tommy’s cheeks. “I was NOT lost. I was simply…taking the wrong direction on purpose!” She puffed out her chest. Xisuma and Keralis were so much bigger than her- Xisuma in height and Keralis in weight- that Tommy felt the need to compensate. Not that she’d ever admit that out loud. “It’s like being lost but CONSIDERABLY better and cooler because only cringe-fail losers get lost.”

Xisuma just stared, dumbfounded, before sighing and pulling out a screen on his armor. “Do you need me to give me the co-ords back to Spawn? I could send them to your com.”

Tommy opened her inventory and handed Xisuma her communicator. “You mean this piece of [beep]?”

“What on earth- how’ve you managed this?!” Xisuma took the com from Tommy’s hands, examining it. “It’s completely busted, goodness me!”

“Oh, it isn’t that bad, Shashwammy! It just needs some elbow grease, yes?” Keralis took the communicator from Xisuma, like it was a game of hot potato. He examined it, before rubbing the buttons with the end of his button up flannel. Two of the buttons popped off, and Keralis stared, his mouth making a perfect ‘O’. “Did you have a warranty on this?”

“NO I DID NOT- Mumbo built it!” Tommy picked the buttons back up from the ground, not that it would make a difference anyway. Her heart tightened in her ribs, thinking about Mumbo. She knew the DreamSMP was good for him, but what if Tommy needed him here? With her? Just an extra bit of familiarity?

Keralis laughed nervously, giving it back to Tommy, and giving her a pat on the shoulder. “My mistake, Tommy-Anne. We could probably talk to Tango or Doccy about getting you a new communicator.”

“Nah, I’ll just go to Tubbo, he’s got all the tech knowledge and [beep]- give him a bit of enrichment in his enclosure. Though if you ask ME, he’s got PLENTY to do trying to get even with that sheep guy.”

Xisuma sighed. “What’d Zed do this time?”

“Whipped cream filled balloons, all over the [beep]-ing house! ALL OVER THE HOUSE! It was a NIGHTMARE and a half to clean up, just ask Joe Hills. I’m gonna be finding goop in all the little nooks and crannies for [beep]-ing months! Kids seemed to enjoy it though, then again, they’re KIDS, they don’t have to pick up a mop.”

“Zedaph is…a character.” Xisuma loved all of the Hermits, they were the closest thing he’d ever had to a family besides…but they were all mental. They were all their own flavor of crazy and adding Tommy and Tubbo to the fray seemed to increase the craziness.

“You can say that again. So now Tubbo is planning his revenge, and Zed’s demise.” Tommy said, putting Jellie back in her bag. She scritched at Jellie’s chin and head, stuffing the broken com back into her pockets. The Able Sisters had finally died down when the battery ran out completely. She finally took the chance to look around the shining amethyst geode again. “Woah.”

Keralis smiled at Tommy’s wonderment. “I know, it’s very pretty! Shashwammy and I were gathering some crystals for builds and for weapons! Amethyst weapons are very, VERY pretty, even if they don’t do all that much.”

Xisuma picked up the crystal he had chipped off before Tommy had fallen on Keralis. “Gem said she needed some and offered me a discount to her bone and arrow shop if I brought her a stack.” He conveniently left out the part about Gem wanting to bring other crystals from other worlds back to the Academy to further study. What if that crystal ball hadn’t been a one off? What if they could make more? Or what if-

Xisuma put the crystals in his inventory. “I’ve got plenty, if you wanna get back to Spawn?”

Tommy wasn’t listening, just marveling at the shimmering purple. She stared deep into one of them, and it almost pulled her in. She only snapped into it when Jellie swiped at her hand. She shook her head to get the fuzzies out. “Oh that is [beep]-ed up. That wasn’t right.”

Xisuma and Keralis looked at each other with worry, before deciding to put that on the back burner. Xisuma could bring it up with Gem later.

“Mind if I take some of this [beep]?” Tommy asked, taking her pickaxe from her inventory. It was the only thing she had on her that was of any use.

“We don’t own the amethyst, so knock yourself out!” Keralis said, waving his hand back and forth. “What do you want to do with it?”

“Probably try and work it into some designs.” Tommy grunted as she thrust her pickaxe onto the amethyst shard pointing upwards and was able to make a chip in the purple rock. She managed to tear off a jagged cone shape, and picked it up off the floor to admire it.

She turned it over in her hands, the sharp bits digging into her skin. She could worry about the single pinprick of blood later. The purple shimmered, and she was able to see her own reflection in the small areas of the surface that were completely smooth. Tommy made a funny face, before putting it back into her inventory. “Could probably make a cute brooch outta that- love a good brooch. You seem like a brooch guy, Keralis.”

Keralis chuckled, stuffing the amethyst shards he had dropped into his pockets. “I’m actually more of a watch man myself. Much more shiny, and I quite like shiny and pretty things! Isn’t that right, Shashwammy?” Keralis looked towards Xisuma and batted his eyelashes, causing Xisuma to blush the color of wine under his helmet.

Tommy made an exaggerated gagging noise, sticking her finger in her mouth like she was going to vomit. “You two are [beep]-ing GRILE, you know that? I’ve got enough romance [beep] to deal with living with my best friend and his [beep]-ing husband- ‘ohhh smoochy smoochy we are sooooo in looooove and married and HAPPY’ and everywhere I go SOMEONE is kissing SOMEONE- Pearl and Gem are the only ones here with any sense! Even Doc is all stupid for that Ren wrongen!”

Keralis was snickering at Tommy’s outburst. “Love isn’t for everyone, Tommy-Anne! I just so happen to have lots of love to share with all my wonderful sweet faces!”

Tommy’s face morphed into pure disgust. “Please for the love of COD stop TALKING you WEIRDO.”

Xisuma just rolled his eyes under his helmet. “Tommy, you’re going to curse so much the filter breaks.”

“GOOD. I HOPE IT BREAKS. WHO [BEEP] IDEA WAS THIS ANYWAY. [BEEP]-ING TORY.”

“I’m very glad to see you’re just as rambunctious now as you were when you were this high!” Keralis put his hand up to his hip. “Seems like only yesterday Doccy and Scar were having me babysit.”

Tommy scoffed. “You got to babysit once, then were immediately banned because you LOST me.”

“Well I wasn’t allowed to leave my enclosure! I didn’t know where you’d gone off to! Doccy was not happy, let me tell you.”

“Of course he wasn’t [beep]-ing happy, parents aren’t NORMALLY happy when you LOSE their children.” Tommy said but paused for a moment. Xisuma and Keralis didn’t notice the pause, but for Tommy it felt like the world had stopped.

She had fully acknowledged Scar and Doc as her parents. There was no dancing around it, no beating around the bush. Scar had made her, and Doc had raised her. Even if Tommy had spent so long pulling further away from Hermitcraft, now that she was back, now that she was safe, she saw that her childhood was actually pretty alright. And she began to wonder. What would her life have been like had she grown up on Hermitcraft? Would she still be the same Tommy-Anne? Or someone entirely different?

“How did you manage to lose her?” Xisuma’s question towards Keralis pulled Tommy from her thoughts. She was back in the present, not trying to remember the smell of the lab, or the patterns on the walls. She wasn’t a ghost floating from place to place, and she had to stop thinking that she was.

“Oh I can answer that!” Tommy put her hands on her hips. “He wasn’t paying attention when I just ran out the door!”

Xisuma looked at Keralis with what could only be described as shame. “Really, Keralis?”

Keralis only looked mildly offended by this. “You can’t blame me, sweet face! Tommy-Anne is crafty and was a quick child! I couldn’t leave my enclosure!”

“I wound up in the makeshift jungle hanging out with the ocelots.” Tommy said, petting Jellie as she talked.

They had started to exit the geode, climbing back up out into the cavern. Tommy interrupted her own story to be hoisted up by Xisuma, stepping on his hands and getting a boost. She jumped, grabbing onto the moss with fingers that turned to claws. She kicked and kicked until she was fully on the moss, and rolled over, heaving for breath.

Jellie jumped up onto Tommy’s chest and started to lick at her face.

Tommy struggled to catch her breath, but still gave Jellie a smile. “Hey- hey girlie. You alright there? Sorry for the - [beep] my ribs- the bumpy ride.”

Jellie just meowed, booping her nose against Tommy’s cheek.

She slowly sat up, cradling Jellie in her arms. Tommy didn’t even notice Keralis jumping up out of the geode, and Xisuma flew out, landing perfectly and surprisingly gracefully for someone entirely in mech armor.

“Are you alright, Tommy?” Xisuma offered his hand out to Tommy.

Tommy pulled herself up with a grunt, letting Jellie jump back down onto the plush moss ground. “Yeah- [beep] my back. I sound like a crotchety old man.”

Keralis brushed his dress pants off. “Why didn’t you do your, ah, the shape shifting? You can still do that, yes?”

Her cheeks heat up again. “I CAN, but it’s hard, I don’t [beep]-ing know! I can still do it but it’s worse now! I can’t do it on command- I’m going through reverse puberty!”

“Reverse puberty..?” Xisuma mumbled to himself.

Keralis frowned. “Well, from one shapeshifter to another, I would be more than happy to give you some lessons!”

Tommy’s eyes narrowed at Keralis. “I thought you were some sort of weird [beep]-ing fae?”

Keralis let out a boisterous laugh, and even though it was meant to be good-natured, Tommy felt a weight of uneasiness settle in her stomach. “I am many things, and nothing, Tommy-Anne. It’s very hard to explain, but to put it simply, I do shape shift. This form is just most comfortable, for me and for my sweet face Hermits!”

“Please STOP saying sweet face you sound like a weird sugar daddy.”

Xisuma coughed into his hand. Tommy chose to ignore this, because if she thought about it for more than two ticks, she was going to live in the caves with TFC and never be seen by civilization again.

Keralis had a twinkle to his black eyes. Now that Tommy really looked at Keralis, some things made sense. There wasn’t a blemish on his skin, and his smile could be a little too wide, showing perfect teeth. His eyes were the most unsettling, hidden under black tinted glasses. If Tommy remembered correctly, Keralis had no iris. It was an all-pitch black pupil. Just like Tommy, whose eyes were almost a too picturesque blue. Wilbur used to be freaked the fuck out whenever Tommy woke him up in the middle of the night for a glass of juice or because she had thrown up.

Xisuma let the three of them- the four of them if you count Jellie- back around the cavern and through the tunnel they had dug. He kept a map up in his visor, and on his arm, he was messaging Gem that he had gotten the shards she needed.

< GeminiTay whispers to You > thank you, X. This is really gonna help!

< You whisper to GeminiTay > it’s no problem, Gem. I hope a stack and a half is enough?

< GeminiTay whispers to You > oh that’s plenty! You’re a lifesaver, X, thanks

< You whisper to GeminiTay > like I said, it’s no trouble. Though can I ask, what sort of experiments are you going to be conducting? Do you need me to put up an extra firewall?

< GeminiTay whispers to You > well i might get in a little trouble with my advisors, but it’s worth it! I need to compare this crystal to ours, but don’t worry, Pearl’s gonna be with me so I don’t go all stupid again

< You whisper to GeminiTay > you didn’t go stupid. Maybe ask Grian for help?

< GeminiTay whispers to You > i just might. There’s something going on with The Rift, X. I don’t like it

< You whisper to GeminiTay > The Rift?

< GeminiTay whispers to You > you don’t know?

Xisuma stared at his screen for a tick, before turning back when he heard Tommy scream. “What?! What is it?!” Xisuma immediately pulled his sword from his inventory, looking around wildly for the threat.

Tommy leaned against the wall, pretending to retch. “DIE DIE DIE DIE- WHAT THE [BEEP] IS WRONG WITH YOU- COD ALMIGHTY, OCEAN’S [BEEP]-ING SAKE-”

Xisuma looked back at Keralis, who was doing a piss poor job at pretending he wasn’t in a fit of giggles. “What’d you say to her?”

“I said nothing!”

“WHY THE [BEEP] WOULD YOU CALL YOURSELF THAT YOU WRONGEN.”

It took a tick for the gears to click in Xisuma’s head, but when he finally realized, he sighed, face turning wine again. “Tommy I am. So. So sorry about him. Keralis, did you call yourself Papa K again?”

Keralis just kept giggling. “You and xB enjoy it when I call myself Papa K!”

“Yes! In private!”

“You’re all a buncha loons!” Tommy exclaimed. “Screw this, I’m going back to Empires in the morning where people are [beep]-ing SANE.”

Chapter Text

‘Ranboo do NOT go around messing with magic. Write me back ASAP or I’m breaking back onto Hermitcraft.’ That was what was written in Technoblade’s handwriting on a scrap of parchment paper tucked into Ranboo’s tome. Instead of abiding by the warning, Ranboo was using it as a bookmark, keeping their place so they wouldn’t forget which page they had been on.

They thought about writing Techno back, asking why. Why was magic such a subject of heavy debate? What was the harm of learning a few spells, some more complicated potions? They already had magic with enchanting tables and potions you could brew yourself, why was learning from a book any different? Ranboo wanted to ask all these questions to Techno, but they felt bad just thinking about questioning Techno.

Another letter had been delivered by crow, just two days after Ranboo had gotten the letter back from Techno.

‘Ranboo. Techno tells me you’re fooling around with magic. You’re smart, so I’m not going to hound you. All I’m going to ask is that you be CAREFUL. I can tell you from experience that one slip-up can cause a world of hurt. We just want you to be safe, alright? Please write back, because Techno’s ripping his fur out, and I think Mumbo’s gonna start molting -Philza Trixtin Minecraft’.

Well, that just made the guilt settle into Ranboo’s chest a little more. Now they had Mumbo worried? They didn’t reply to that letter either, instead opting to just read the book in small bits, whenever they could. While they’re in the mines and waiting for the mob spawner, after putting Michael and Grumbot to bed, in the early mornings when sometimes they were the only one awake. It was just small bite sized paragraphs at a time, but Ranboo kept going back for more.

Tommy had gone off somewhere, something about the woodland mansion. Tubbo was upstairs starting to finally build their bed frame, and insisted Ranboo and the kids stay out of the room. There’d be a lot of hammer and nails involved, and Tubbo didn’t want anybody stepping on what he was using to build with. He was thoughtful like that.

That’s why Ranboo was sitting on the back porch, watching Grumbot and Michael play.

Grumbot was building with all his blocks in a giant bin- Lego bricks, wooden blocks, and plastic cubes all kept together for convenience. Michael sat across from him with his new favorite redstone book, with Benson the chicken in his lap. He’d occasionally rattle off a bunch of facts to Grumbot, who’d in turn explain what he was building. It was such a calm moment, that Ranboo thought now was a perfect time for some light reading.

They took the book from their inventory, where it had been since they received it. They couldn’t keep it under their pillow since they shared a bed with Tubbo, and if Ranboo kept it on a regular old bookshelf they’d never remember where it was. Their inventory was just the safest space for it- safe from little kid spills and coffee stains that seemed to be everywhere, despite the fact Ranboo wiped down the counters every single day.

Ranboo lounged back against the rocking chair Phil had constructed for Hearth’s Warming, and flipped the book open to the marked page. They set the note down on the table next to them, which Tubbo had built after he had come back from…well, whatever he had been doing that involved his dad, and the DreamSMP. Ranboo still didn’t know where Tubbo had went that day, and even though they could tell something was still eating at him, it wasn’t their place to point it out. At least not until Tubbo was ready to divulge.

The pages were old and yellowed, and Ranboo found themself turning the pages with nothing short of the utmost care. They didn’t want to damage the book that already felt so fragile, despite the dirt that still stained the front inside covers, and another stain on the back pages. Ranboo hoped it wasn’t blood. But they knew they probably weren’t that lucky.

Sometimes the words on the page were complete gibberish, only for Ranboo to look back and find the words in perfect Common, like the strange riddle like nature had been a trick their mind had played on them. Other times the words would simply vanish, just a tick after Ranboo had read them. Their eyes would flit back to re-read the paragraph or sentence, and the words had simply left the page. It was the strangest thing, and Ranboo was no stranger to strange things!

They found that frantically searching for words just made more of them disappear or fall off the page entirely. The first time Ranboo had witnessed it they nearly screamed, giving BDubs a heart attack while he was watching Grumbot and Michael. But when Ranboo settled down, the words scurried back to their proper place.

Ranboo was perplexed. They were sure words were supposed to stay on the page to be read- their memory wasn’t so bad that they’d forget if this was a regular occurrence. That just left them with more questions though. Why was this specific book so…the word that came to Ranboo’s mind was peculiar. It was peculiar. The book seemed simple enough, simply being titled ‘A Witch’s Guide To The Art Of Magic’. So why were the words not acting like words at all?

They smoothed the page of any dust, and began to read, hoping nothing out of the ordinary happened while they were watching the kids. They were so preoccupied with their books and blocks, that Ranboo didn’t feel the need to hide what they were reading. Not that Michael or Grumbot would recognize a tome anyway. Michael was at a 4th grade reading level despite being only six years old, and Grumbot was technically a computer, so he could read anything, but they didn’t know anything about magic. Being raised on the DreamSMP, the most magical place on the server was Renchanting.

Was that where Ranboo got the book in the first place? Renchanting? It was possible, but they didn’t want to alarm Martyn or Red that something was amiss- not if it turned out they had accidentally stolen it!

Ranboo snapped their thoughts back to the book, seeing the words start to swirl in the corner of their eye. They tapped their thumb down on the page, and that stopped the strange ripple at once.

‘Every Witch worth their salt needs four things. A cauldron, a wand, a hat, and a familiar.

The cauldron connects us to the water, to what is the giver of life to all things in the Overworld. Even the creepers that hunters so dutifully slay when the sun sets drink from the same creeks the dear in the afternoon sun do. The water you and I drink, bathe, and play in. Filling your cauldron with water is bringing you closer to your roots.

The wand is how you’ll channel your magic. Raw magic is dangerous, deadly even. Imagine volts of lightning shooting through your bloodstream. The wand acts as a means of insulation, dulling the power until it’s something more manageable for the human body to palette. Your wand can be made from any wood, any material, as long as you know what it means to you.

Your hat is how you will hide from those who wish to seek you out. Witches are under the same scrutiny as hybrids and mobs alike, but our hats allow us to hide. From the gods, from the people around us, from the creatures of the night. Even our loved ones. Most witches' hats have an iron rim or needle, to deflect the fae. The wide brim is meant to hide glamorous, where you can weave through a crowd and not once be spotted. To be a noticeable witch is to be a dead witch.

A familiar is a friend for life. They may even live longer than you. The familiar is the hardest thing for a witch to attain, because animals, unlike magic, have no way of being controlled. Your familiar may be a crow that decides to make its home in your fireplace, a horse that tramples your crops, or even a wild spider that you were taught to fear. Whatever the case, take the time to recognize each animal you see. No two have the exact same face, unless of course one is a mimic, then choose wisely.’

Ranboo could barely make sense of some of these passages. The book must’ve been dated far, far back, because some of these concerns just didn’t exist anymore. Hybrids and witches didn’t hide anymore. In fact, Ranboo could count on one hand the amount of ‘humans’ they’ve actually met, and they were pretty sure Joe Hills didn’t count. There was no such thing as ‘hunters’ anymore, that profession died out with the Beta Age. The closest things were bounty hunters, but Ranboo knew the author was painting the picture of a huntsman with an axe and a noble cause, then of whole guilds dedicated to taking lives for money.

If being a ‘good witch’ meant Ranboo needed a cauldron, then they’d have to opt for being a mediocre witch instead. It was no secret endermen and water didn’t mix, and Ranboo was certain the author just didn’t get the memo.

The wand and hat part seemed easy enough. If a wand could be made of anything, Ranboo could just go chop down a random tree. Though as they thought that the words of that passage began slipping off the page like jello, so perhaps there was a bit more nuance than they thought. The hat Ranboo could just commission Tommy to make, they had plenty of diamonds to spare, even when you discounted their lottery money. They had plenty of iron for the reinforcements, but Ranboo would trust Tommy with the creative liberties.

Ranboo’s eyes darted from their book to the garden, just to quickly check the kids hadn’t wandered off. Grumbot had wandered off from his blocks, but just over to the tree to start climbing.

Ranboo made a worried noise in the back of their throat. “Be careful Grumbot!”

“I will be, papa!”

They sucked in a sharp breath and slammed the book shut, scrambling over to the tree. They stood just under Grumbot, acting as a safety net in case he fell off the branches he was gripping onto. “You’ve got it, Grumbot?”

“Mhm!” Grumbot kicked his little legs as he heaved himself up onto the branch, and he smiled down at Ranboo. “Look, I’m taller now!”

Ranboo let out a laugh, despite the heart attack brewing in their chest. They had to keep telling themself that Grumbot was safe- their family was safe, on Hermitcraft. Even if they did d- even if they did get hurt. Hermitcraft had infinite respawns. Hermitcraft was safe. But repeating that over and over again in their head didn’t stop the anxiety creeping up their throat like a snake. Coiling tighter and tighter around Ranboo’s throat before-

“Please come down, ⌇⍙⟒⟒⏁⊑⟒⏃⍀⏁.”

Grumbot made an ‘aww’ sound, and Ranboo hated disappointing their kids, but really, it felt like they couldn’t breathe. Grumbot shimmied, and Ranboo easily got him, keeping Grumbot balanced on their hip.

“Are you alright?” Ranboo asked, wiping a smudge of dirt off of his monitor. “Everything in one piece?”

“Yesssssss papaaaaa.” Grumbot whined dramatically, making Ranboo giggle. “I was just climbing!”

“I know, I know, but save that for when one of the Hermits are around. If anything happens, they’re quicker than I am.” Ranboo kissed the top of Grumbot’s head before setting him back down. “⊑⍜⋏⟒⊬⏚⟒⟒, are you alright over there?”

Michael, who was too engrossed in his book to say anything, just gave a thumbs up with hoof.

Ranboo smiled fondly, seeing the resemblance between him and Tubbo. They both scrunched up their noses while concentrating and were stubborn as a ravager once they set their mind to something- in Michael’s case reading through every book on redstone they had in the house.

Grumbot ran back over to Michael and sat down to go back to building with his blocks. He opened one of the booklets, showing off the instructions to build a recreation of the MCC course Hole In The Wall. He liked all the intricate pieces and small details that went with the set, and it was even more fun now that all of the sets were jumbled up in one big bin! He was just happy to sort through everything, book or no book.

Ranboo headed back to the porch with a sigh and sat back down in the rocking chair, rocking back and forth. Their ears flicked up hearing the sound of hammering resume inside, and they smiled. Tubbo was probably almost done, and then they’d finally be able to sleep in an actual bed. That’d be nice, since Ranboo had gotten so many cricks they were wearing their brace with their everyday clothes now too, instead of just to bed. The extra support would really help.

They reached for the book and hesitated before opening it back up. If the words had disappeared just because they went to go check on their kids, Ranboo was going to flip the hell out. Just because the book had the excuse of being peculiar, doesn’t mean Ranboo wasn’t still frustrated with its antics.

Thankfully the words were just as they were, and were still in perfect Common, not changing to Old Common or other languages Ranboo didn’t know, just to trip them up. They thought about asking Phil to teach them Old Common, but when were they ever going to use it besides when the tome played tricks on them? They hadn’t been used in enchantment tables since the discovery of netherite, but that was well over 220 years ago. It just wasn’t a skill most people had, unless you went out of your way to learn it.

That was a matter for another time. Ranboo focused back on the tome.

‘You should always start out with having a proper practicing place. A place where you can freely draw out your circle, dance, scream, sing- whatever it is that your spell requires. You don’t want to be disturbing your neighbors with your chanting and risk being caught, or even risk being seen as mad. Either of those could get you in trouble, so you should find a nice, secluded patch of forest. You’ll be connected to the soil and the sky, and you’ll be away from the pesky problems that come with people.’

Boy, this author really liked their alliteration.

‘If you are not inclined to meditate, I recommend you either become well acquainted, or start learning to brew calming potions before any spell. The focus is imperative to intense spells, as well as spells that are directed to a specific person or place. Hexes and curses require the most concentration, and if your mind tends to wander, the consequences can range from the inconvenient to the catastrophic. Make sure your familiar, if you’ve acquired one at this point, is able to focus as well, or is at least well secured.’

So don’t have Tommy around for anything magic related. Ranboo took mental note of that.

‘While in meditation, you may begin to experience strange sensations. If you find your sight, your hearing, or your volume increase more than you think is normal, stop what you’re doing and try again on another day.

There are dangerous forces in this world, dear reader. Forces that do not want you Watching, Listening, or Telling others. Drawing back this thin curtain has caused many to go mad, so be cautious. I do not mean to deter you, but you must be aware of these things before you push forward.

These beings want to do you harm.’

“Whatcha reading there, boss man?”

“OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IN THE WORLD.” Ranboo nearly jumped twelve blocks in the air. The book tumbled out of their grasp and into the grass, but Ranboo made no move to pick it up. The sound of Tubbo’s laughter echoed in their ears, and they relaxed, smiling at him. “Hey! You’re done!”

“I am, and I got you good!” Tubbo reached over, peppering kisses along Ranboo’s cheeks. “Mind if I sit?”

“Knock yourself out.”

Tubbo moved so that he was sitting in Ranboo’s lap. He leans back, smiling up at his husband. “Bonk.”

Ranboo giggled. “Bonk.”

“What were you reading? You were totally zoned out.”

“Hm? Oh- oh it was nothing. Just a book I found while unpacking.” Ranboo hooked their arms around Tubbo’s waist, purring. “Bit of light reading.”

Tubbo reached up to kiss their cheek. “You looked real into it. Anything interesting?”

Ranboo just shrugged, giving Tubbo a dopey, lovesick smile. “I’ll tell you later."

Chapter Text

Wilbur switched on the overhead light that swung over the booth, a blanket draped around his legs, and a mug of fresh coffee placed on a coaster promoting some bar Wilbur had never been to. He wiped the crumbs off the smooth surface from that night’s dinner and looked out the window at Pixandria.

It was the dead of night, and yet Wilbur still saw life everywhere. Fires were kept lit, like they’d never burn out no matter how long it had been since they were ignited. It made the otherwise indigo sky a soft orange, even with the moon and the stars. Again, it wasn’t as bright as the DreamSMP had been, but Wilbur had gotten used to it. He was even starting to occasionally recognize a star pattern or too.

He placed the book down in front of him. His hand trembled, before running it slowly down the cover.

Why was he so afraid to open this book again? Where had this unease come from? Wilbur didn’t know the answer to either of those, but he figured now was as good a time as any to finally get started on combing through it. Renbob was asleep on the bunk, snoring like a ravager. Neither of them took the bedroom, thinking the other needed it more.

Maybe Renbob was where Wilbur learned the martyrdom that came with being an older sibling. He didn’t take the bedroom so Wilbur could have it. He cooked meat despite the fact it made his nose wrinkle. He gave Wilbur extra helpings of the food he could eat, like rice, fish, and spinach. Wilbur recognized when Renbob did these things, because Wilbur had done the exact same things for Tommy, Tubbo, and Fundy. Wilbur slept in the driver's seat so Tommy could have a place to rest his head. He sat with Tubbo and did redstone projects despite the fact he didn’t have a clue what he was doing. And he gave Fundy the very clothes off his back, the food off his plate. He tried to give Fundy the world.

Renbob couldn’t take the bedroom out of his own morals. Wilbur couldn’t because if he started weeping, he’d never stop.

Wilbur wondered how Renbob had dealt with growing up on the streets with his siblings. How he dealt with all of them being separated. Renbob had told him the story before- that their parents were so busy they barely paid attention to Renbob, Ren, and Jono. So, one night Renbob packed a bag, and the other two followed him in the dead of night, running away from their home server for the open road. It was a nice story when Wilbur was younger, but now that he knew what living off your last leg meant, he wondered how Renbob managed to stay so optimistic.

Though if Wilbur looked, he could see the cracks in the walls Renbob put up through smiles and kind gestures. Every time he saw a mother with their child he frowned, just small enough that anybody who didn’t know what a true Rendog smile looked like wouldn’t notice. When Wilbur tried to ask, Renbob just shook his. “I just…don’t have the best relationship with my mama and pa. Ren and Jono still write but it’s uh- sorry, I don’t mean to bring you down, man!”

Wilbur probably wouldn’t have noticed these things about Renbob when he was just a teenager. But now he knew exactly what it was like. To have to take care of yourself, and gods know how many others.

Once the sun started to come up, Wilbur would get started on breakfast. It’d be something simple, or Wilbur would even just go buy breakfast and bring it back. There was a nearby food stand that made really good boyoz. It was nothing fancy, but Wilbur thought it’d take some of the burden off of Renbob, who woke up early every morning to cook, and then went to bed late after buying groceries when the sun wasn’t so high, and he had the accompaniment of the nighttime breeze.

But before all that, Wilbur had a book to read.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Wilbur muttered to himself. He took a sip of coffee, and placed the mug down on the coaster, letting his stomach settle. With a deep breath, he flipped open to the first page with words on it.

‘I should make it clear, I am only keeping this journal for educational purposes, not because I believe my exploits to be in any way exceptional. My brother says that there’s no need, but I disagree. It is important to document our history lest we fall victim to the mistakes of the past, and I have a feeling I will be prone to making more than my fair share of mistakes.

It’s strange, how everyone around me still calls me a boy, but I am 20 years the senior of the oldest here. It’s strange as well, that I feel no different now, at 120 years than I did at 15 years old. And I still look the same. My brother looks the same as well, but he bears a different curse than me. He bears a different face entirely; you’d never guess we were brothers. More than brothers, we’re practically twins. I was born the same day his egg hatched, and we’ve been thick as thieves since.

Which is why it saddens me to hear him talk about leaving with such passion. I have never known a life outside of our desert, and I don’t know if I want to. The world out there is vast, and I have grown used to the day to day of our growing village. Sure it’s no towering castle or guild, but we have enough. We have libraries, and hunters to protect us from the mobs. We have a blacksmith, and our very own enchanting table, something most villages don’t have the luxury of possessing. It doesn’t help that my brother and I are the only ones who know how to use it, but anything can be taught, with time.

And I should know all about time. - P.R’

P.R? Why were those initials so familiar? Wilbur barely dwelled on the thought for a tick before he eyes flickered over to the next passage, written the very next day.

‘I went to visit my mother’s grave today, right after breakfast. I brought her a bundle of blood lilies tied up with a piece of twine, since she and my sisters had been buried with their favorite head scarves, and I couldn’t find any ribbon. My brother came with me, of course. Even if he never called her mom, he still came to pay his respects.

When I asked if he thought she was having a pleasant afterlife, he just shrugged at me. “I don’t think we have to worry about the afterlife for a long time”, he had said. But how could I not worry about the inevitable? Surely one can’t really live forever, and that soon I will come face to face with The Lady of Death herself?

I still don’t know why I know she is a lady, and others do not. My brother believes me though. He always has. Right from the start when my…dreams started. He was there, reassuring me I wasn’t completely losing the plot. He knew Death was a she as well.

“And she is beautiful.” He insists every time, with a look in his eyes like a schoolboy in puppy love. I don’t know how he knows of her beauty, when she seldom shows her face. But he certainly has himself in such a tizzy that I can’t bring myself to make him come down from the cloud he’s floating upon.

Whenever I see her in my dreams, I beg her to remove my curse. I beg her to bring my mother back to me. She can do neither of those things, but my age has not granted me wisdom yet. I’ve heard the tales, I know begging the gods for anything is the same as selling your soul, but I can’t help myself. I am frightened by what I am. - P.R’

Wilbur was starting to feel bad for the author, whoever they were. He couldn’t itch away the feeling of familiarity, so he kept reading, hoping to satiate the urge he had to learn more. He needed to know more. No names had been given so far, but Wilbur was starting to paint a picture in his head, and the only person he was having trouble visualizing was Death herself.

The next entry was dated a week later. Wilbur noticed there were no years, just months and days, and a little suns or moon next to the passage to indicate whether the author was writing this during the day or night.

‘The drought is getting worse. My brother and I have tried everything, but we don’t have a single solution that doesn’t involve packing up the entire village and moving further towards the ocean. Nobody in the village would agree to such a plan. Most elders here, including myself, have been here their entire lives, never once setting foot away from the sandy desert. Why should we ask them to uproot their entire lives for something that we could so easily fix if we just had the right spell?

Besides, I am…wary. Of the ocean. For my own selfish reasons. My father’s body lay somewhere on the ocean floor, mutilated by a creature the others in his hunting party had called a ‘salmon.’ I have never seen a salmon before. And I do not want to.

My brother, however, is much more fearless than I. He offered to fly to the ocean, find the queen for aid. I deterred him from this plan, since we do not even know if The Ocean Queen is any more than a myth, the same going for her Codfather counterpart.

He thinks I’m being, in his exact words, “idiotically cautious”, but caution is the only thing left I can rely on. My patience in myself wears thin, and my wisdom is still as lacking as it was last week when I lamented over it. We’ve never experienced a drought before, and it frightens me. It frightens me because of all the things that’d be our village's demise, I would never expect a drought to be one of them. - P.R’

Wilbur wished these entries were more than just small blurbs at a time, but he couldn’t blame the author for this. He’d tried keeping a journal once, when he was a teenager. It was dreadfully boring, and most were along the lines of ‘I saw a dog today’. Still, Wilbur selfishly hoped something worth writing about happened to this P.R character. He was already halfway done with his first cup of coffee, and Wilbur had a feeling he’d be needing more.

The next entry was the next day.

‘I am writing this by moonlight, as I am too shaken to fall back asleep.

I have once again been visited by The Lady of Death. I tried to wake my brother, but he is slumbering so peacefully after such a long week, that I don’t want to be the one to take that away from him.

When I begged her, as usual, to allow me to see my mother again, all she could do was kneel, and take my face in her hands. I remember thinking to myself, how easily she could crush me if she so chose. And yet I did not feel fear. I did not feel an ounce of fear, because she had given me no reason to. It must’ve been how a newborn dodo feels when it is picked up and has not yet learned to fear human touch.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you your mother”. She said. “But I can help with your problem, if you will allow me to.”

Now, I consider myself not to be wise as I have so often stated, but I have enough common sense to know, to at least assume there was a catch. I asked how she would help, and she laughed. Death’s laugh is not cold and merciless as fallacies of the Grim Reaper will have you think. Her laugh was warm like the sun, and bubbly, like ale.

“It’s not how I can help. It’s how I can help YOU help.”

This just puzzled me more.

She pressed a thumb to my forehead. A single touch.

And suddenly, I could see everything. You do not understand. I could see the very code that made up my skin and hair. I could see my mother, sisters, grandmother and my father in different states of decay. I could see deep into the ocean where a pure white palace was being constructed by creatures I had only read about in story books. I could see to the murky swamps, to the vast jungle, to the snowcapped mountains. I could see EVERYTHING.

And then I awoke. I awoke and was promptly sick. I cleaned it up before my brother could awake from the noise or smell, and now hear I sit, on the back porch where my mother used to sing me lullabies while my grandmother mapped out the stars.

I know how to fix the drought.’

Wilbur closed the book.

That was enough for one night.

Despite the passage ending on a happy note, Wilbur’s stomach threatened to make him as sick as the author described being, except this time he had access to the wonders of indoor plumbing.

That bit at the end. Where P.R described how they could see everything from coast to coast. Wilbur knew exactly what they were talking about. Not because he had any personal experience, but because someone he loved did. And Wilbur knew something like that wasn’t to be taken lightly.

Wilbur just hoped P.R had a happier ending than Grian.

Wilbur stood up from the booth to put his mug in the sink and got started on breakfast. Sure, it was only just barely sunrise, but Wilbur needed something to take his mind off of what he had read.

He cracked eggs into a pan and whisked them till they were fluffy. He poured oats into a pot of boiling milk, and then added cut up bananas. He put toast in the toaster, and set out the two jams Renbob had bought just the other day- raspberry and orange.

The warm golden rays of light had made their way into the van when Renbob finally started to stir. He let out a large yawn and stretched, his feet kicking against the wall. His hair was a poofy pigeon's nest of untamed curls, and his sleep mask dangled off his neck instead of across his eyes. He let out unintelligible mumbles and sniffed the air.

“Man, what’s cookin’?” His voice was hoarse and groggy from sleep, his eyes just barely opening.

“Oh, good morning Renbob.” Wilbur gave Renbob a warm smile. “I’ve uh, I’ve made breakfast? You can sleep in longer though it’s-”

“You made breakfast?” Now Renbob was awake. He sat up, and yawned, tail wagging behind him. He didn’t sleep with flannel pajama pants and no shirt on, leaving his stomach and two long, and thin gashes across the bottom of his chest exposed. He swung his legs over the bunk and hopped down. He took his sunglasses off of the counter and blinked in surprise. “You…made breakfast?”

“Oh, come on, I’m not completely hopeless in the kitchen.” Wilbur snorted, moving the eggs around. “Um, I’m afraid that I don't know many vegan dishes. I hope this is alr- oh!”

Renbob had picked Wilbur up in a bone crushing hug, lifting him off of the ground. “Man, you are one sweet kid! It smells amazing!” He let out a howl of excitement.

Wilbur laughed, hugging back. “I’m glad, I was worried I was going to muck it all up.”

Renbob set Wilbur back down and ruffled his hair. “I totally owe ya one, man.”

“No you don’t, Renbob.” Wilbur shook his head. “Just take it easy today, alright? I’ve got meals down. Besides, we’ve still gotta fix the engine, and that’s gonna be a whole big thing.”

Renbob groaned, leaning against the counter. “Ugghh, don’t remind me. I am not lookin’ forward to that, redstone’s a pain in the freakin’ behind, man. But it’s gotta be done.”

Wilbur transferred the eggs from the pan to the plate. “Exactly. Let’s eat first, before we both reach the end of our rope by noon.”

Chapter Text

Tommy stumbled out of the server portal and onto Empires with the same moaning and groaning that always came with server travel. She kneeled over with her hands on her knees, puffing out her cheeks so she didn’t spew chunks onto the grass below. “Cod’s fucking sake they need to FIX THAT.”

Gem hopped out of the portal and landed next to her, completely fine. She took her hat from her inventory and settled it on her head, then took out her staff. “Are you alright Tommy?” She asked, trying not to hover over her.

“Portal travel fucking SUCKS BALLS.” Tommy took a deep breath from the nose, standing up very, very slowly. Sweat beaded down her forehead, but she didn’t know if that was from the nausea or the jungle humidity. Why’d they have to have their spawn be in the jungle anyway. “Is Pearl coming?”

“She just needs to wrap up her prank or present first.” Gem said.

Prank or Present had been a pain in Tommy’s ass all week. First the balloons of whipped and shaving cream that even with the help of Joe Hills took hours to clean, well into the night.

Then the morning after his encounter with Keralis and Xisuma, a horde of ghasts were released onto the Overworld. Ranboo had taken the kids and hidden with them in the GigaPies shop, while Tommy and Tubbo shot them down with expertise that was ingrained into their blood. Scar and Tommy both took to the use of bows, while Tubbo and Grian used swords. Tubbo had scaled Pearl’s deer statue, jumped onto the creature and ran his sword through the ghast’s leathery skin. When it despawned, Grian caught him by the wrists before he could fall, and the two took out the remaining ghast. One or two got away, but they were so far out of range they weren’t worth going after.

Between Tubbo’s revenge prank or present, the overgrown octopus that had sprouted in the Hermissippi, and then the ghasts, Tommy needed to retreat to Empires for a few days. She at least told Scar and Doc in person she was taking some her time, and they both understood. Just made her promise not to give them any more heart attacks. Especially not any that involved pirates.

Gem stretched her arms above her head and stood on her tip hooves. “Where do ya wanna go first?”

“Don’t you have to get to the academy?” Tommy asked.

“Tommy the last time you got lost you got pirate napped. The Academy can deal with me taking an hour to make sure you get wherever you wanna go safely.” Gem said, landing back on the flats of her boots.

“I- you know what that is- that is actually fair yeah.” Tommy groaned. “Honestly, you get pirate napped ONE time and you’re labeled for life!” Tommy threw her arms up in the air.

Gem giggled at Tommy’s outburst. “Yeah, Mythland pirates are pretty crafty. But hey, fWhip told me you gave ‘em a run for their money!” She playfully nudged her with a smile.

Tommy beamed. “FUCK YEAH I DID! You should’ve seen me Gem, I was jumping from barrel to barrel like-like I was Link Legend of Zelda but considerably better because I have longer hair and a CAT, Link doesn’t HAVE a cat OR transgender swag like I do!”

Gem hadn’t actually played Legend of Zelda; she was an Animal Crossing kind of Emperor herself. But Tommy sounded like she knew what she was talking about! It was like when Pearl would go on about farming techniques, and fWhip would go on tangents of his own about redstone dos and don’ts. Gem was happy to support her friends, even if they didn’t make a lick of sense.

“I’ve got so much transgender swag, Gem, it’s coming out my fucking eyeballs.” Tommy was just bouncing as she followed Gem down the pre-established path of spawn that led to her Empire. Maybe Tommy just wanted to wait for Pearl, or maybe she was just genuinely curious, but she hadn’t gotten to see much of Crystal Cliffs! Just the entrance and the courtyard.

“That’s nice, Tommy.” Gem didn’t know how else to respond to Tommy. She reminded her a lot of fWhip when he first came out- always bragging about his newfound bravado and challenging Sausage to arm wrestling contests every five clicks to ‘test if the testosterone was working’. It took him almost two years to actually win a match, not for lack of effort though!

Gem stopped short of the path and equipped her elytra. Two fluffy purple wings sprouted from the cloth. Gem gave them an experimental flap, then turned to Tommy. “You coming?”

“Yeah- yeah just gimme a tick.”

Tommy took her own step back and held her arms out. She hadn’t had any ‘lessons’ with Keralis yet, but she figured, hey, how hard could it be shifting without stress? She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to envision her with wings. Cool, big, red wings that said ‘fuck off’ with actually saying fuck off, since wings can’t talk. The same way legs and hearts couldn’t talk, no matter how much they seemed to scream in pain.

“Did I do it?” She asked tentatively.

“Oh wow! Those are beautiful!”

Tommy’s eyes snapped open, and she leaned her head back to look at the wings that sprouted from her back. “Hey what the fuck! That’s not what I asked for!”

Instead of big, red, and feathery, the wings were shimmering ovals, multi-colored iridescence reflecting off of their opaque surface from the sun. Tommy gave them a flap and huffed. Fairy wings were always so delicate, and she was always afraid that she’d snap them with one wrong turn. “Ah fuck me- I guess these’ll HAVE to do.”

“I think those are pretty! Katherine would love ‘em!”

“Katherine? The fae lady with the unicorn horn?” Tommy stuck her finger in the middle of her forehead to mention a unicorn horn. She’d thought Katherine was pretty cool, but not as cool as Lizzie and Pearl, obviously. Lizzie was probably the coolest woman ever, and just thinking about her made splotches of Tommy’s skin turn a dark blue. “Oh bollocks.”

Gem giggled. “Yes, Katherine the fae lady. She’s friends with everyone, so if you stay long enough for the Emperor’s Meeting in two days, you should get to see her!”

“Emperor’s meeting?” Tommy was enjoying the conversation before they both took off into the skies. It was hard to talk on the phone while weaving through clouds and trying not to swallow bugs.

“Yeah! All of us get together to talk diplomacy, trade, all that fun stuff that comes with being an Emperor!” It’d be the first Emperor’s Meeting she’d attend since before she left. And the meeting before she left had been when she weighed less than 90 pounds, was half dead on her feet from exhaustion, and her hair was falling out on her pillow every night. Now she was back to her happy, healthy self, her hair shiny, and with a brand-new set of horns!

“Huh, ya know, maybe I will pop by. It’ll give me a chance to clobber that Joel guy!”

“Oh gosh-”

“Don’t ‘oh gosh’ me.”

“Then don’t get cheeky with me!”

“I can be as cheeky as I want!” Tommy was grinning as the two of them playfully jabbed at each other.

“Whatever you say, Tommy.” Gem reached over and tousled her curls. “C’mon, I’ll race you to the Academy!”

Tommy fluttered her wings, getting them ready for takeoff. She’d have to take off right away, since she didn’t have the added layer of feathers for momentum. That was a little trick Grian had taught her, and then later, she learned Ranboo knew the same trick. “What do I get if I win?”

“Uhh. Oh! I’ll help you gather materials for your base next H.H.H!”

“Deal!”

Tommy and Gem shook hands, and then each took their position, ready for lift out.

“One.”

“Two!”

“THREE!”

Tommy would like to say, on the record, that the only reason she lost was because of all the smoke coming from The Grimlands. She swore up and down until her face was blue that the air pollution had thrown her off, and that's why she landed in the water fountain. It had nothing to do with the fact she wasn’t watching where she was flying, or that she had lost her wings mid landing. Nope. It was all fWhip’s fault.

Gem helped Tommy out of the fountain, wincing. She was just glad that class was in session, and that nothing was broken. “Are you alright Tommy?”

Tommy shook herself off like a wet dog. “That bastard’s sending all that smog up into the air! Who the hell does he think he is?!” She exclaimed, waving her arms around. “Who- what gives him the right to- I oughta-!”

“Come on, let’s get you to the teacher’s lounge.” Gem led Tommy across the courtyard and towards a spiral staircase. “It should be relatively empty since everyone is busy with lessons. Can you keep your voice down?” Gem put on her ‘extra nice teacher voice’, hoping it’d actually make Tommy listen to her. She didn’t want to disturb any of her students while they were learning, especially not the younger ones!”

Tommy grumbled, but nodded, and followed Gem up the stairs.

Crystal Cliffs Academy was, to put it in Tommy’s terms, fucking massive. The ceilings were pure amethyst, with chandeliers swinging from the rafters, the candlelight a dark purple. The floors were such a smooth polished dark oak that Tommy swore she could see her reflection in them, same with the spotless quartz walls with sturdy stone reinforcements. Purple roses grew from patches of soft moss that sat around the purple stained-glass windows like curtains. There were so many different staircases and twists and turns, that Tommy’s head was starting to spin.

When Tommy caught brief glimpses into the classrooms, she didn’t know what she felt. She saw students, whole hordes of people his age or younger, sitting together at long lab tables or individually at desks. They were either watching a demonstration, or giving a presentation, or something, the rest of the class taking notes.

On one hand, the thought of sitting still for that long made Tommy want to vomit.

On the other hand, Tommy felt like she had been missing something. Growing up on the DreamSMP, it almost dooms you to a life outside of normalcy. No one here would know the horrors of war- sleepless nights without heat, or food, or even water. They’d never known bloodshed. And that made Tommy…jealous. She was jealous of just how good these kids- her peers- had it. Tommy could’ve had a normal life, if she hadn’t gone through the Infinity Portal. Sure, maybe not school uniform normal, but…Hermit normal.

She turned her head away when one of the professors noticed her staring. She hurried up her pace until she was jogging alongside Gem. Gem walked through the halls with her head held high, her heeled boots clicking with every step.

Gem pulled her pocket watch from her belt loop. “We should pick up the pace. The next bell should be ringing in five clicks, and I don’t wanna lose you to the crowd.”

Tommy just nodded numbly, following Gem, almost shoulder to shoulder.

“Hey, Gem?”

“What’s up?”

“...Do ya think, I dunno, I’m just fucking spit balling here-”

“Yeah?”

“...Do ya think maybe Grumbot and Michael- I mean- if Ranboo and Tubbo- it’s probably a stupid idea, forget I said-”

Gem stopped in her tracks. She put her hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Tommy, any one of you is welcome at Crystal Cliffs, at any time. We’re here to teach, and my policy, as long as I am Headmistress, is we will never turn away someone who wants to learn.”

Tommy gave Gem a grateful smile. “Yeah, that’s a nice sentiment. I was just thinking, ya know…they’ve never been to school before. I dunno if you’ve got like, a junior's program or- I dunno- a daycare?”

Gem giggled. “We do actually have a daycare. A lot of our professors have kids, and don’t feel comfortable leaving them at home, especially if they’re from other Empires.” They talked and walked, since Gem really didn’t want to lose Tommy in the crowd. “Though Michael is probably old enough for the junior's program. I know Tubbo isn’t exactly the biggest fan of magic, so if he ever wanted them to enter, we’d just go with basic math, writing, reading, and history. No spells.”

Tommy huffed a little. “Tubbo thinks magic is just science with glitter.”

Gem puffed out her cheeks like a chipmunk. “I feel like I should take offense to that statement.”

“Nah, don’t even worry about it.” Tommy waved her off. “Doc thinks the same thing.”

“Oh! Does he now!”

“...I sense murder in your voice. I like it!”

Gem playfully rolled her eyes, then stopped in front of a door. The words ‘Teachers' Lounge’ were etched in golden cursive onto the green stained glass. Gem pushed the door open, and just in time to. She pulled Tommy in just as the bell rang and closed the door behind her. It sounded like a stampede outside, students rushing out of their classes and off to the next one, or off to lunch. Gem sighed in relief, leaning against. “Oh gosh that was a close call. You do NOT wanna be caught on the bridge before the lunch rush, it’s a nut house.”

“Noted!” Tommy looked around the cozy teacher’s lounge. The walls were painted that classroom cream color, and the windows overlooked the front entrance, where some students were pooling out to go eat outside, or head to extracurriculars. The couches were all the same green velvet, and the coffee table was piled high with scrolls and books.

There were sturdy bookshelves also packed with books and tomes, a small kitchenette with cupboards, a fridge, and a-

“Coffee!” Tommy zoomed over to the coffee maker.

Gem giggled. “Yes, Tommy, you can make some coffee.”

Tommy got started on pouring the grinds and water into the pot. The tin of coffee grinds was sitting on the counter, and the sink already had dishes in it. “I honestly thought this place would be a lot fancier.”

Gem sighed, sitting on the couch. “Most of the teacher’s come from other Empires, so we didn’t wanna make it too extravagant. But me, Roz, and a few others actually live on campus. There is separate housing away from the schools, but honestly, my whole Empire IS this school. So we save the fancy stuff for the students.”

Tommy didn’t say anything. She just thought about how Gem was the kind of teacher she would’ve wanted, if she ever bothered to go to school.

The door rattled open, and a very frazzled Professor. Roz burst in. They shut the door behind them and groaned. “Just four more hours, Roz, you can do this.”

“Roz!”

Roz looked up like a spooked owl, then melted into a smile. “Gem! You’re back! Thank Aeor!” Gem stood up from the couch and pulled Roz into a hug. Roz rested their chin on Gem’s head, between her antlers.

“Hey Roz! How was your vacation?”

“Not long enough.” Roz squeezed Gem and pulled away with a soft smile. “Glad to see you back. How’s Hermitcraft?”

“Oh, ya know, Chaos Day shenanigans.” Gem waved her hand back and forth. “Roz, you remember Tommy! Tommy, you remember Roz!”

“Hey there fella.” Tommy waved awkwardly, waiting for the coffee to brew. “You look fucking exhausted.”

“Tommy!”

“No, no she’s got a point.” Roz said. “Geez, how long until the weekend?”

“It’s Wednesday, Roz.”

“So we’re almost there.” Roz flopped down into the armchair, Gem giggling at their exhaustion. “I just gave my class a study hall, cuz last class was- Gem I don’t know how many times I have to tell my students not to put potions in the microwave but apparently twice a day isn’t enough.”

“Wait, you're not supposed to do that?” Tommy looked befuddled by this. “That’s what gives it flavor!”

The expression on Roz’s face was a mix between horror and plain disgust. “Please don’t touch the microwave, I am begging you, I cannot put out any more fires this week.”

Gem pat Roz on the shoulder. “Don’t worry Roz, you just relax. I’ll take over your next class.”

“Really?” Roz sat up properly. “But Gem, you just got here!”

“Yeah, don’t you worry!” Gem smiled at her friend. She didn’t notice the blush coating Roz’s cheeks and ears. “What class do you have next?”

“Potions 111.”

“I can handle Potions 111! Your son is in that class, right?”

“Yeah- are you sure, Gem? You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, the only things I have to do is pay taxes, shed my horns, and die.” Gem said. “I WANT to do this.” She looked back at Tommy. "You don’t mind waiting here, do you?”

“Uhh-” Tommy blanched for a tick. She didn’t know how she felt about being all alone in a place like this. If she changed into the wrong form, she would probably wind up breaking something expensive. “Or I could come with you?”

Why did she say that? Why the FUCK did she say that!

Gem smiled so hard her cheeks might’ve split. “That would be great, Tommy! C’mon, let’s find you a spare uniform!”

A dear Cod what has she gotten herself into?

Chapter Text

“Good morning everyone! Professor. Roz is taking the rest of the day off, so for today’s class, I will be continuing your lessons! I’m sure we’re all going to have a fun-filled class!” Gem chirped, clapping her hands together. Her name was written on the board in blue lapis chalk, a heart drawn at the end of it, connecting to the ‘y’ of ‘GeminiTay’ like a tail.

It had taken her only a few clicks to change out of her clothes from Hermitcraft, and into her usual teaching clothes. But what had taken her longer was finding Tommy a spare uniform that not only fit her, but that she liked. Which was no small task!

The Crystal Cliffs uniform consisted of a choice between a button up, a blouse, or a turtleneck in green or purple, a dress, skirt, trousers, or overalls in green or purple, any shoe as long as it was black or brown, and of course, the wide brimmed hat most wizards were known for. You could mix and match the pieces with different accessories, covering like sweater vests and cloaks, and of course any hair or makeup! The uniform used to be much more restrictive, but Gem eased it up once she was Headmistress.

Tommy sat at the second lab table, in the second row, pressed right up against the wall with her shoulders hunched and ears burning. Why did she think this was a good idea? Why the hell did she think sitting in a classroom was a good idea? She could already feel herself growing restless, chewing on the cap of the pen Gem had let her borrow.

She didn’t belong in this school, in this uniform. Sure, the frilly dress that buttoned up in the front was nice- it came with a matching purple blazer, and a bright, amethyst brooch that sat clasped between the collar.

But Tommy had no hat, even though all the other students had one. Her eyes darted around the room. Each one was decorated to the student’s liking. Glitter, embroidery, crystals hanging off strings, flowers- everything but the enderchest. The boy sitting next to him had a hat in the brightest pink Tommy had ever seen, decorated in seashells and dried up bits of coral. He was already doodling in his notebook, and the lesson hadn’t even started yet!

Tommy pulled the hood of the cloak over her head. There. That was her hat.

“Where’d you guys leave off?” Gem asked, flipping through the glossy covered textbook.

“With no homework and watching tapes!”

The whole glass burst into giggles at the student’s exclamation. Gem playfully rolled her eyes. “Very funny, but I’m serious, Liz. Where’d you last leave off?”

“Headmistress, she’s telling the truth!” A girl in blue pigtails piped up, raising her hand. “We got to watch a movie yesterday since the horses escaped the stables and all the professors had to go round them up!”

“Alright then!” Gem snapped the textbook closed, setting it on the desk in front of her. It was covered in papers, and when she set the book down, a plastic succulent rattled. "Let’s just start with how to brew a potion. What is the first thing you need?” She set the textbook down, picking up the chalk. “Can anyone tell me?”

The blue haired girl raised her hand.

“Anyone?”

She raised it higher.

“Anybody but Polly?”

Polly stood up out of her seat.

Gem sighed. “Yes, Polly?”

“You need nether wart! Specifically, three bulbs, that makes an awkward potion that you can add ingredients to!!” She spoke like she was reading directly from the textbook, her eyes wide under red rimmed glasses that were far too big for her face.

“Correct!” Gem wrote ‘nether wart’ down on the board and circled it. “Nether wart is the base of every potion, you can’t make a potion without adding nether wart to water and boiling it foooooor…-” She drew out the word, waiting for someone to raise their hand and answer.

Polly raised her hand again.

“Polly, hon, love your enthusiasm. But maybe give someone else a chance to answer?”

Her cheeks flushed pink, and she lowered her hand. The person sitting next to her pat her on the back and signed something Tommy didn’t understand. That made Polly giggle and cheer up.

Gem spotted a raised hand in the back. “Delta!”

“Four clicks, can I go to the vending machine?”

“Yes, of course. Just grab a hall pass.”

“Thanks Headmistress.” Delta got out of their seat, and Tommy immediately recognized them as the person who helped her up when she had crash landed in the courtyard. They grabbed a pink laminated hall pass, waved towards Tommy’s direction, and headed out the door.

Tommy was confused, until he saw the pink haired boy next to her wave back at them, a rosy tint to his cheeks.

Gem wrote down ‘4:00’ under the word nether wart. “Now, what would happen if you heated up the potion over four clicks?

Oh! Tommy knew the answer to this one! Well, she’s actually known all the answers so far. L’manburg did start with potions after all. It’s just that she didn’t want to be the first to answer a question and draw any attention to herself. But hey, she was confident in her answer this time!

Her hand shot up.

Gem absolutely beamed. “Tommy!”

“It’s gonna fucking explode.”

The classroom erupted into laughter, and Tommy’s face heated up. Were they laughing at her? Or- She looked at the pink haired boy next to her, and relaxed. They were laughing with her. She didn’t know why though, she gave the answer!

Gem should’ve known this would happen. “Thank you, Tommy. That’s correct but, um, maybe no profanity in the classroom? Please?”

“Why the hell not?”

More laughter.

“I- oh gosh.” Even Gem was giggling, shaking her head. “Let’s keep going. What is the first potion that wizards learn to brew when they start at the youngest level?”

Yeah, Tommy didn’t know this one. Her first potion was a potion of her own concoction that she made with Tubbo when they were 11. A mix of swiftness, blindness, poison, and nausea that lasted for five clicks. They called it ‘potion of fuck you’ and Grian banned it in the trenches saying it was ‘inhumane’ and ‘probably a war crime, and not the fun kind of war crime’.

The boy next to Tommy shyly raised his hand.

“Patton!”

“Um, usually we start with healing potions?”

Gem gave him a soft smile. “Correct, thank you.” She wrote it down on the board.

The boy sighed in relief, his shoulders slumping when his hand lowered back down onto the lab table.

Tommy flashed him a smile. “Good on ya, fella.”

Patton smiled back. “Thanks, I always get really nervous raising my hand.” He whispered to Tommy.

“Eh, don’t be, if you sound confident people will believe whatever shit comes out your mouth.” Tommy said, her chin propped up onto her hand. She said it like a joke, but honestly, it wasn’t that far off from the truth. At least it had been her truth, watching Wilbur fumble through speeches, but get a resounding applause because he had the charisma to pull it off.

Tommy tried not to think about Wilbur much. Or L’manburg. But all this talk of potions and methods? It made Tommy nostalgic. And nostalgia was a bitch to deal with, because it made you miss ‘the good old days’, even when there were no ‘good days’ at all. There were just days where you did a little bit more than just survive. Days where the campfire was a little warmer, the rations a little more plentiful, the nights a little clearer.

Patton giggled like it was a joke, so Tommy wasn’t going to bring those thoughts up.

Gem glanced back at them. She would’ve told any other pair of students to pay attention to the lesson, but she had a soft spot for both Tommy, and the son of one of her best friends. “Alright, who knows how to make a basic healing potion?”

Both Tommy’s and Polly’s hands shot up.

“Oh!” Gem said in surprise. “Okay, um, why don’t you both go?”

Polly cleared her throat. “Two slices of a glistering melon over a double boiling awkward potion for four clicks.”

Tommy’s nose wrinkled. “Where the hell did you get that from? It’s six slices for two clicks, then you nuke it for another click till it gets REALLY red.”

Polly looked from Tommy, to Gem, back to Tommy with confusion written on her face. “You’re not supposed to ‘nuke’ potions, especially not something as delicate as healing.”

“Says who?”

“Says everyone!”

“Well, then everyone’s a dumbass! Nuking is what gives it the- the flavor! And it lasts WAY longer, gives you more health too! And if you add glowstone afterward, oh mate you can go for days without sleeping. Whoever taught you that pussy shit really did you dirty.”

Polly’s whole face turned such a bright red that Tommy thought she was going to pop a blood vessel.

Gem laughed awkwardly. “Okay- well- BOTH your answers have merit to them!”

The rest of the class was watching in anticipation, on the edges of their seats in case there was going to be a fight. Patton took out his communicator to message Delta, because he knew if there was going to be a fight, that they definitely didn’t want to skip class like they usually did.

In the blink of an eye, Polly leapt from her seat and to the back of the lab. She opened up the fridge where there were plastic containers of glistering melon, and got to work slicing them up, her face still the same red color.

“Oh, you’re ON bitch!” Tommy jumped from her lab table and on top of the next one, then onto the tile floor dividing classroom and lab. She turned on the sink to fill up a potion bottle. “You’re gonna be sorry you ever fucked with Tommy-Anne Innit!”

“YOU’RE going to be sorry YOU ever messed with my GPA!”

“‘Mimimi I say words mimimi’- that’s you, that’s what you sound like!”

“Tommy! Polly!” Gem tried to take back control of her class, but everyone had already crowded around the last two lab tables to get a closer look. Delta had come back from the vending machine, just watching from their seat instead of joining the crowd.

“And it’s neck and neck folks!” One of the other students- a blaze with fiery yellow hair- started commentating like it was a sporting event. “We have the new kid chopping the melon so fast I can barely see, and Polly’s so red you’d think she was from the nether!”

“Shut UP Lance!” Polly exclaimed, nearly slicing her finger. She placed the water bottle she had filled onto the Bunsen burner and turned the dial to four minutes. She carefully added the slices of melon to the potion and waited for it to brew.

Tommy jammed the six melon slices and nether wart into the potion bottle that was so filled with awkward potion that it began to overflow. She had the thought to grab one of the already pre-made awkward potions from the fridge, instead of going through the whole awkward potion process. She turned the dial on the Bunsen burner and watched it start to rapidly boil.

Polly, in her haste, had forgotten to add nether wart to the potion to make it an awkward potion base. She screamed and quickly took the bottle off the burner, dumping it in the sink. Now she had to start all over again.

“Ohh bad move from Polly! That’s gonna cost her five points!”

“Points!? When did POINTS come into this- how did I lose five friggin’ points!” Polly mixed the nether wart into the filled potion bottle with a pencil, then shoved it back onto the bunsen burner, the dial already turned to four.

Tommy’s burner beeped. She took it off the burner and shoved it in the microwave. She set the timer to two and watched the potion bubble and bubble. This was fun! She hadn’t had an honest competition like this in a while!

“Looks like the new kid is gonna finish first!”

“Shut UP Lance!” Polly exclaimed again. Her hands were shaking as she watched her potion go from a clear blue to a dull red. Her head whipped towards Tommy, whose potion was not only turning scarlet like redstone, but was fizzing. “Should it be DOING THAT?!”

“Oh yeah, that means it’s working!” The microwave beeped to signify it was done, and Tommy opened it up. The smell of burnt melon filled the classroom like a cloud of vape smoke, making a few people cough between the cheers and the commentary. A red splatter was left in the microwave against the screen, leaving the potion only half full. “Gem, where’s the glowstone!”

“In the cupboard- but- Tommy-!”

Tommy opened up the cupboard. “Glowstone glowstone glowstone- THERE’S THE BITCH!” Tommy snatched the vibrant yellow vial and poured the whole thing into her potion.

“DONE!” Polly exclaimed, taking her potion off the bunsen burner. She held it up like a trophy, her face dripping with sweat. “A perfect healing potion, Headmistress!”

“And done!” Tommy held her potion the way a hunter held up an animal carcass. “A CORRECT healing potion!”

“It’s really not a competition.” Gem sighed, head in hands. She had completely lost control of the class, but at least no one was hurt...Yet. There were still a few clicks to the next bell.

Tommy looked at Polly. “Cheers mate.” Then she downed her fizzing, burnt smelling potion.

Polly quickly did the same, red dripping down her chin and onto her now wrinkled green blouse. She let out a squeak, and her eyes widened at the instant effects of the potion. It was a jolt of adrenaline, and she felt the papercut on her finger from the last class heal up, as well as her migraine subside. “It works perfectly!”

“Mine works too!” Tommy exclaimed, despite the fact her face was now flushed red. She fanned her face with her hand, wiping the dribble off her chin. She could see stars in the edge of her vision, and instead of small cuts healing up, she could feel the skin around her prosthetic start to tighten. She covered her mouth with her hand but stayed grinning. “I win, bitch.”

“You look sick.”

“Yeah, my potion was sick!”

“No, I mean sick- sick. Ill. I knew that potion was off!”

“YOU’RE OFF!” Tommy couldn’t deny the feeling of her heart beating rapidly in her chest. But at least she won. She proved to this prissy, head of her class little miss perfect that good old fashioned L’manburg ingenuity beat whatever she learned from class any day.

Tommy hoped Wilbur was proud.

At just the thought of Wilbur a wave of nausea hit Tommy. Everyone was so busy chatting amongst themselves and getting ready to go to the next class, that the only one who noticed Tommy swaying was-

Patton rolled up to him in his wheelchair and offered him an ibuprofen. “Here. I know you’re usually not supposed to mix potions and pain killers but-”

Tommy took the pill and swallowed it dry. “Ah- thanks mate. Really. Is that girl always such a hardass?”

Patton sighed. “Yeah, Polly’s always like that. Highest GPA in our grade, and she thinks that makes her hot shit. Hey, Delta and I have lunch next. Do you wanna join us in the caf?”

Tommy thought about it for a moment. When was the last time she hung out with someone her own age besides Tubbo and Ranboo?

“Sure, why the hell not?”

Chapter Text

“We’re Sparklez, Tubbo. You are a Sparklez. You are made of science, and my code, and most important of all, love. Don’t forget you’re made of love. I love you.”

Tubbo carried those words with him like Atlas carried the world on his shoulders. Each time he rubbed a hand up and down the burns on his face when applying the cold cream, or every time he pulled at the pins holding the ball joints of his hand together, he remembered those words. They weren’t the last words his father ever spoke to him, but they had certainly been the most impactful.

He was a Sparklez. And Sparklez were made of science.

Tubbo wiped the sweat from his brow as he dug out the final block. He looked around the start of his bunker, right under where his observatory would be. A lantern in the center of the room illuminated the stone walls and crumbling dirt floor, and peaks of sunlight came in from the quick staircase he had mined out just to get down. He was covered in dirt, sweat, and grime. But there was still too much to do, he couldn’t stop now.

He sat down on top of a shulker and twisted another open, pulling out two stacks of quartz blocks. It would be different from his lab back on the DreamSMP- which he hoped Martyn was putting to good use. The walls would be a solid quartz, and then be reinforced with a melted down iron coating. The floors would be black concrete, which he’d probably have to grind for, which was a pain in the ass. Totally worth it for the ‘mad scientist’ aesthetic though.

This bunker was much bigger than his lab back on the DreamSMP, but that was because Tubbo had so much planned.

On one wall he planned to have a map of the entire server, with the cave systems included so he could plan an accurate escape route if he ever needed one for him and his family. On another wall he’d have a floor to ceiling star chart, mapping out the closest servers, suns, and moons. He still had the sketch from the first night on the server, the page that had been ripped out of Tommy’s design book.

Two test tubes would be set up in the two corners, and then the rest of the free walls would be lined with a reinforced iron shelf hanging from the ceiling and drilled into the wall, so it wouldn’t rattle in the event of an earthquake. Tubbo was going to be prepared for absolutely anything, and that included natural disasters. Once he got to work on the entryway, he’d have a waterlogged and spawn proofed obsidian vault door, entirely powered by remote control. That’d come later though, first he needed to actually put the walls and flooring.

He was still contemplating what to use for the ceiling. He was already using iron as reinforcements in the wall, and that’d be expensive. Concrete didn’t really work for him roof wise, that was more a floor block. Maybe andesite? Or copper? He’d talk to Iskall later and get some tips- she was always more of a builder than he was. Hell, she was the reason Tubbo would never ever touch diorite with a 50-block pole.

The actual observatory could be built after Tubbo knew he and his family had somewhere to hide if everything went to hell in a handbasket. If gods forbid a flood happened, or another celestial body crashed into the world, or even worse…if Dream broke onto the server. If any of that happened, Tubbo would grab his husband, his sister, his kids, his aunt, Stress, Pearl, Scar, Impulse, and Grian, and wait it out. He’d be sure to stock up on food that could last for years in cans and vacuum sealed bags and have a water tank connected to the Hermissippi for fresh water that they could use to drink and bathe. It was fool proof, even if a little paranoid.

Okay maybe a lot paranoid.

Could you blame him though? After everything he had gone through, he had too much to lose to NOT be armed to the teeth. That was another thing he had to add. With the pull of a lever, one of the walls would revolve into an entire armory- armor, shields, weapons, potions- the whole shebang.

Tubbo only placed one block when he heard his name being called from above.

“Tubbo! Hey Tubbo!”

Tubbo’s head perked up. He set the quartz block down into the dirt, and pointed at it, as if to say, ‘don’t you fucking move.’

He made his way up the wobbly dirt staircase, poking his head out into sunlight for the first time in nearly three hours. He squinted at the blinding sun but smiled when he saw Impulse. “Hey boss man, what’s up?”

Impulse smiled down at him. He had been growing out the stubble he had on the DreamSMP since they got on the Hermitheus, and now was close to a full-grown beard. “Pearl and Gem just left for Empires, figured I’d swing by and see if you needed any help.”

That’s what Tubbo liked about Hermitcraft. He was never alone with his thoughts long enough for them to consume him. “Yeah, sure, come on down! Welcome to the lab, watch your step, watch your head.’

Impulse followed Tubbo down the wonky staircase, nearly tripping on a ripped up and jutting out root. He put a hand over his head so dirt wouldn’t get in his hair, which was in that awkward mullet phase between long and short. “Holy- you’re almost at deepslate!”

“Yeah, it wouldn't be a very effective bunker if it wasn’t, you know, underground.” Tubbo took two water bottles from his inventory, tossing one to Impulse. “Here. Ranboo brought these over earlier.”

“Well thank the stars for Ranboo.” Impulse twisted the cap off his bottle and took a swig, before putting it safely into the pocket of his coveralls. The loose denim was already covered in redstone dust from tinkering around the shopping district, and so were the soles of his shoes.

Tubbo gulped down almost half the bottle, then put it back into his inventory. While he had it open, he tossed a stack of quartz to Impulse. “We’re starting with the walls. First, it’ll be quartz, then we can coat it in iron to reinforce it. Figured it’d be sturdier than plaster.”

“Huh, smart thinking!” Impulse placed a quartz block on top of the block Tubbo had placed before. It clicked perfectly, and the small line that divided the two blocks disappeared, making it one. With a little builder's magic there was no need for spackle, but they’d still do the iron thing. It’d be like putting up wallpaper or paint.

Tubbo hadn’t figured out how to tap into ‘builders magic’ yet. Which was fine! He was fine! He didn’t need anything fancy to build. He just needed to roll up his sleeves and be willing to put in a little bit of elbow grease. Maybe more elbow grease than deemed necessary. He didn’t need any fancy timelapses or texturing. He had gone years without it, why would he need it now?

He still watched out of the corner of his eye as Impulse secured blocks together like they weighed nothing, and how they all magically stuck together with invisible glue. It amazed him, even if he had yet to figure out the why or the how of it. That’d be his first experiment, he decided. Something to get the ball rolling before he literally shot for the stars.

Tubbo heaved another quartz block up against the crumbling stone walls with a grunt.

“You alright there Tubbo?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry ‘bout me!” Tubbo tried to wave him off, but truth be told his back and shoulders were aching something fierce. He’d barely even started the actual building part, having only dug out the foundation. That should’ve been the easy part! He had become lost in the rhythm of swinging his pickaxe around, so he didn’t understand why the pain was only hitting him now.

Impulse hummed a little as he easily stacked one block after the other, then stopped, seeing Tubbo leaning against the wall. His was pale and clammy, his hands shaking as he grasped the pickaxe till his knuckles turned white. Impulse had known Tubbo long enough now, that getting him to stop and take a breather wouldn’t be as simple as it should be. In an ideal world, Tubbo would know when to actually take a break and give his body a rest. But this wasn’t a perfect world, so Impulse had to ‘yes and’ this situation.

“Hey, doesn’t Tommy have, like, a robot that could help us with this build?”

Tubbo gave a snort. “Tommy’s crazy protective over Sam Nook. Sure, she’d probably say yes, but he’s much safer in the barn watching the kids while Ranboo’s in the mines again.”

Impulse sat on the blocks he had placed. “Yeah, they’ve been down there a lot. You guys must have a ton of diamonds stashed up! That’s always good for the economy.”

“Yeah, we’re pretty rich.” Tubbo didn’t mean to brag, but he couldn’t help it! His husband was always down in the mines gathering resources for them to use later. Whether that be iron for builds, diamonds for spending, or redstone for consuming. “Probably gonna spend most of it at Tommy’s shop, whenever she opens it. I know she’s trying to be this ‘Innit Incorporated’ get rich quick thing, but really, she oughta open a boutique or something! She already gets commissions all the time!”

“Yeah, Grian’s been going on about that. There’s been a major increase in ‘lag’ on this server since you guys showed up.” Impulse said it with a laugh, so Tubbo was assured it wasn’t a bad thing. “Usually we know it’s Grian, but it looks like we’ve got two culprits running around.”

Tubbo laughed, and finally sat down. His hooves were practically burning under his work boots, but he just joked around through the pain. “She’s a raccoon, I’ll tell you that, Impulse.”

“And Grian’s a pesky bird! Let’s just be glad they haven’t decided to team up and take over the server.”

“Oh PLEASE don’t give her any ideas.” Tubbo smiled so hard his cheeks were starting to hurt. He took his water from his inventory and took a swig. “She’s a pain in the [beep] enough as- I HATE this filter. I swear on the stars I’m going to dismantle it if it kills me.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” Impulse said with a nervous laugh. “X has been trying to cut the filter since Season 2 when it was put in place, but no dice. Guess Evil Ex is more creative than Xisuma is when it comes to passwords.”

“I bet I could hack it easily.” Tubbo said, without a hint of hesitation in his voice.

Impulse let out a low whistle. “The greatest minds ever helped create that firewall, Tubbo.”

“And yet Phil was able to hack in!”

“Because Mumbo gave him the password, and he’s been using the SAME password since he became an admin. It’s not hard to hack into something that has some variation of ‘Evil Xisuma Sucks’.”

“Maybe Evil Xisuma’s password is just ‘Xisuma Sucks.’”

Impulse laughed again. “I’m pretty sure X has already thought of that a while. He had to, it’s so obvious.”

Tubbo stood back up, stretching his arms above his head. That had been a good break, but now he was ready to get back to work. “

“Are ya sure? You don’t have to finish this today, it’s a pretty big task. There's not really a time limit.”

“Did you think there’d be a time limit on your last season?” The tick the words tumbled out of Tubbo’s mouth, he looked horrified. “Oh [beep], Impulse, I didn’t mean-”

Impulse had gone paler, but still smiled at Tubbo. “Hey bud, it’s fine. Uh, no. No, I didn’t. I thought we had at least- but that’s not the case here. We’re fine. YOU’RE fine. Whatever you’re building, I promise, it’ll be so much better when you can actually take your time with it.”

Tubbo couldn’t help the feeling of the anchor that had just dropped into his stomach. Why the hell had he said that? What compelled him to even think that? His own paranoia wasn’t an excuse to be a dick to Impulse, even if he insisted it was alright. He slumped back down against the block, leaning against the wall.

Impulse frowned. Not just from the bad memories brewing like a storm, but at Tubbo. “Tubbo? Hey, talk to me.”

“...You’re gonna think I’m mental.”

“Yeah? Try me.” Impulse leaned back; his arms crossed.

Tubbo huffed at how casual Impulse was. Even though he could see the sweat beading against his forehead, and Tubbo could practically hear Impulse’s heart racing, if he ignored his own. “I’ve been having these…dreams-”

Tubbo barely had time to finish his sentence when Impulse’s com started ringing.

Impulse’s eyes darted from his pocket to Tubbo, who just gave him a nod. Impulse took out his communicator and flipped it open.

“Zed? What’s going on?”

“I APPEAR TO BE IN A HOLE. I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE THE HOLE.”

Tubbo started giggling childishly, and a little sadistically.

Impulse glanced at Tubbo. “Did you have something to do with this?”

“He started it, he swung first!”

“IMPULSE PLEASE I HAVE NO THINGS AND IT’S VERY DARK- AH!”

Impulse shot right up from where he was sitting. “Send me the co-ords bud, I’ll be right over. Tubbo what the heck did you do?”

“Oh you know, simple pitfall trap!” Tubbo waved his hand back and forth, smirking like the devil child he was deep down under the golden boy titled that had been forced on him as long as he could remember having his own identity, “Honey lined at the bottom so he can’t fly out, and don’t forget the pufferfish!”

“I-” Impulse’s jaw was practically on the ground. “Why? Just. Why.”

“You didn’t see the state of my house! It was a nightmare to clean, Impulse, a [beep]-ing nightmare!”

“I don’t know whether I should be proud of your ingenuity and pure dedication to petty revenge or be disappointed that your ingenuity and dedication is going to petty revenge.”

“It can be two things!”

“IMPULSE I’M STILL STUCK.”

“I’m comin’ buddy!” Impulse pointed at Tubbo as he jogged up the stairs. “You stay put, Mr! I’ll be back in an hour!” He took off as soon as he reached the server, heading for the coordinates Zedaph gave, which happened to be just a chunk away from his base.

Tubbo giggled to himself, and then sighed, leaning his head back against the dirt fall, his smile falling into a frown.

Why had he said that to Impulse? About the moon. It wasn’t fair of him to bring that of all things up, and yet he couldn’t stop himself from saying it. It was like how he couldn’t help but hear Impulse’s shallow breathing and racing heart over his words, so much so that Tubbo had to tune out his own thoughts like switching the volume dial on a radio. It was getting easier to do that these days. Now that at random moments he was able to hear everything, tuning out his own thoughts at any time was a gods send.

Tubbo didn’t even get to tell Impulse about the dream. That was okay. It was just a freaky dream. A nightmare.

That started and ended with a broken, ticking clock.

Tubbo could just write the dreams off as PTSD. Of course he had PTSD, he didn’t know anyone from L’manburg, from the DreamSMP even who DIDN’T have it. He was used to nightmares about boxes, fireworks, explosions. Withers, wilted pink tulips, and blindness.

He wasn’t used to clocks.

Or fields of poppies.

Or the howls of a thousand angry and roaming wolves.

It was unfamiliar, and Tubbo wasn’t all too good with unfamiliar. He’d wake up in the middle of the night with a gasp and try not to wake Ranboo with how hard he was breathing. All he’d need was a glass of water, then he heaved himself back into bed. He wasn’t a child anymore. His father was…he didn’t know where. And though he wasn’t a child anymore, he repeated the words his father had always said to him as a child like a nighttime prayer that only the moon could hear.

“If you can study it, then you have no reason to fear it.”

Tubbo just had to get used to studying himself.

Chapter Text

Tubbo positioned the spyglass properly, keeping it propped up against an armor stand as a makeshift telescope. It’d be easier to draw out all the stars and celestial bodies when it was balanced, instead of Tubbo having to switch to the pad of paper in his off hand.

He had been building nearly all day, only taking a break for dinner, to give the kids a bath, and then bedtime. Tubbo was honestly glad for the break, taking his time while reading Michael and Grumbot a story, Ranboo waiting in the door frame with a fond smile. Tubbo made sure to give his loving husband a kiss before he headed back out to the foundations of his observatory.

It was a clear night out, barely a cloud in the sky. The stars twinkled like diamonds hanging in the inky indigo horizon, and Tubbo couldn't have asked for better weather. The moon sat high and mighty, glowing a pale yellow, and illuminating the salty seaside. Tubbo took a deep breath, taking in the ocean air.

His pad of paper was resting on a crafting bench, the corners held down by rocks he had picked up so that a breeze didn’t blow the start of his map into the ocean. There were already splotches of ink from where Tubbo had gotten started, his inkpot and quill staining the wood of the crafting table. He always preferred the smell of ink to the smell of graphite. It just made it feel like what he was doing was more professional.

Tubbo positioned the spyglass again and zoomed in with the Optifine feature. If he glanced closely, he could see the individual characteristics of each star and planet. The rings, the bumpy surfaces, the swirling clouds. It all painted a very vivid picture in Tubbo’s head, and he began to wonder about the life on those other servers. How many of them were Hardcore worlds? How many were infinite and carefree, like Hermitcraft?

Was there any world that was like the DreamSMP? Or were they just a statistical fluke floating around in space? If he kept wondering shit like this, he was going to wind up getting existential and that wasn’t fun for anybody involved, especially himself.

He reached for the quill and started to scribble one of the stars he had zoomed in on. He glanced back into the spyglass, trying to get a clearer image of the star with three rings, each spinning in different directions. It was easy to remember that one, because there was a moon floating around it in the shape of a bunny.

Tubbo was fascinated by just how diverse life out in the stars could be. He shouldn’t be surprised by that. Renbob had regaled some of his favorite traveling stories over breakfast and dinner on the Hermitheus, and a good portion took place in the vastness of space. Tubbo never would’ve thought there were gas stations, diners, campsites, and motels floating around in orbit, but hey, you learn something new every day!

What Tubbo was learning was that there were so many different kinds of stars reflecting different servers, stars that Tubbo never would have imagined. He never thought of stars being triangular, or cubed, or even heart shaped, but those were just a few of the servers he spotted through his spyglass. With Optifine, he was able to see everything.

How nice that must be, Tubbo briefly thought. To be able to see everything so clearly.

It was hard to draw and glance through the spyglass at the same time, since Tubbo was completely lacking sight in his left eye. He kept having to turn- back and forth, back and forth. But it was worth it to see the start of his star map drawn carefully onto the paper. He’d work out a much cleaner version later, but for now, he was glad for that first step.

One of these stars had to have his father on them. Even if it was millions of chunks away, Tubbo was so sure one of these servers housed a jail cell where his father was waiting for him. But maybe he wasn’t even waiting. Maybe he had broken out already. Or maybe he was-

Tubbo wasn’t going to let himself entertain that thought. His father was alive, he knew he was.

As a scientist, Tubbo knew how important proof and data were to proving a hypothesis true or false. ‘If my father is imprisoned, then I can find him’. ‘If Auntie was right about the Vault Gods, then they don't know where he is’. ‘If I can find him, then my family will be whole again’.

All Tubbo had was a gut feeling. He’d know if Jordan Sparklez was dead. He’d feel it, being part of his code. Tubbo had been holding onto that last sliver of hope for years, and it often got him through the toughest of times. All he had to do was remind himself that even for a fleeting moment, he was existing in the same universe as his father. Then he was able to get through meetings where he was forced at Schlatt’s side, the sound of withers engulfing his world, the loss of his best friend. He just had to remind himself that Blood Gods aren’t taken down so easily.

And he had to remind himself he had a sibling out there. Crumb. One who he had never got to meet- he didn’t even know what it looked like. All he knew was that he had to find them. Were they with their father wherever he was locked up? Had she managed to escape? Was it living out there, somewhere, wondering the same things about Tubbo?

He wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his puffy coat. It was practically falling apart, and Tubbo knew it was getting too hot to be wearing a ratty old winter jacket around, but it brought him a sense of familiarity and comfort. Tubbo needed familiarity now more than ever.

Everyone was still adjusting to Hermitcraft Season 9- at least those that had either never gotten to experience it or had been gone too long they couldn't remember what it was like. Scar, Pearl, and Impulse jumped right back into the swing of things; hell, Scar probably had the most deaths on the server currently. Impulse and Pearl took no hesitation to dying, respawning, and doing it all over again just for the fun of it.

Mumbo had left Hermitcraft. That’s how long he had been gone. That the home he yearned for no longer felt like home to him, and he couldn’t live with a lie for who knows how many months or years. Seasons could last for years at a time, if Hermits got caught up with builds or the land. That’s what happened with Seasons 6 and 7. Everyone thought the same of Season 8, requesting more time from Xisuma when they were enjoying themselves.

Grian hadn’t died once. Notorious pesky bird, and he refused to take any risk. His spirit had been broken, and he honestly felt if he died while on Hermitcraft, despite the Whitelist, he was going to wind back up in Limbo. Or worse. He didn’t know what was worse than Limbo, and he didn’t want to find out.

That just left Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo.

None of them had died or come close to it. Sure, there had been falls, and scrapes, and bruises, but nothing that warranted a respawn, natural or forced.

Tommy was terrified by the mere concept of dying or going back to Limbo. There would be no Revive Book to bring her back, since Dream still had his mitts on it. As careless as she was, she wasn’t stupid. She used the landscape and her shifting abilities to her advantage, sprouting whatever she needed to get through the day safely.

Tubbo was more worried about the kids than he was himself. He knew kids got hurt, that much was inevitable. Any parent who tries to completely shield their children from the normal wounds of childhood is an idiot. Kids get bumped on the head, scraped knees, and fevers. That was part of growing up. But it wasn’t the normal childhood common cold he was worried about. What if Grumbot fell out of a tree he was climbing? What if one of Michael’s child safe redstone experiments went wrong? Tubbo laid awake at night just thinking about everything that could possibly hurt his family.

And Ranboo?

Ranboo sat in the backyard, looking up at the same stars that Tubbo was mapping without even knowing it. They had the book in their lap, using the moonlight as a reading lamp. They had just lulled Michael back to sleep after he had woken up, and now Ranboo needed a little quiet time to figure out the rest of the tome.

When the words weren’t slipping off the pages, they actually gave some pretty solid advice. Ranboo was surprised by how insightful some passages could be, while others were riddled with stereotypes and ignorance. There was no date on the book, so Ranboo had no idea when it was written, but they assumed it had to be pretty old by some of what it said.

‘If a Hunter approaches you, be calm and cautious. Do not try and tower above them and show off your powers, for that will put you in immediate danger. Keep your head down and eyes on your shoes, pretending to not even notice them. If they continue their approach, act as if the smallest breeze would send you running. It is better to appear weak and unassuming, then it is to pose an actual threat to these Hunters.’

Ranboo would definitely be ignoring that advice. They knew some people were wary of magic, but not enough for them to act like they were a storybook damsel in distress. Besides, there were no threats of Hunters anymore. Most every player knew how to wield a sword and protect themselves against the mobs of the night. Bases were lit up, and flashlights came installed in every com.

Though based on the book, Ranboo was sure the author didn’t know what a com was. Either because they just didn’t have one, or they hadn’t been invented yet.

‘Hunters will typically go after the creatures of the dark. Creepers, zombies, skeletons, and spiders. The things that haunt their villages and tear up their city, leaving wreckage in their wake. Witches have tried to help in the past, but that is what had driven us to hide in the first place. Nary do people without magic like to be reminded of its existence. While it is a myth that only people ‘born’ with magic can perform it, plenty seem to ignore that when it is brought up. Stakes are still burned, and we are still seen as a challenge to hunt.’

Ranboo started to feel queasy while reading. Their skin tingled with imaginary licks of fire, their body remembering the explosion before their mind could. Their ears rang with the sound of detonating tnt before their brain could catch up and remind Ranboo that they weren’t back in that room. That their wounds had healed thanks to their friends.

This book was just getting to them. That was it. The words didn’t slip and slide, but they did wobble, never staying quite as still as Ranboo hoped they would when they hunched over and tried to read. The moving words had to be giving Ranboo some sort of motion sickness, even though they had been fine for ages on the Hermitheus. They were trying to find a million different reasons why their heart began to race the more their eyes scanned the pages. They flipped ahead to the next chapter, and the words swirled around, rearranging themselves to fit the page.

‘It is easy to forget that your powers are your own, and nobody else’s. No other witches, no matter who they are, can tell you how to use what you have so painstakingly taught yourself. You can be the most powerful witch to walk this earth, and you’d never know it, if you took what other witches say to heart. There are those truly wicked who want all the power and attention for themselves, and those who ignorance speaks louder than others wisdom. It is up to you who you listen to. Whether that be a mentor, a friend, or even a dusty, old, book.’

Ranboo nearly snapped the book shut.

The book couldn’t be…aware. Right? There were a lot of impossible things, but a book with a conscience was on the list of things that even the strangeness of Hermitcraft couldn’t make happen. It was just pages, ink, and leather. Nothing remotely player or human like about it.

Ranboo really had to stop getting stuck in their own head like this. They closed the book and slipped it in the pocket of their swishy floral patterned skirt, getting up from the dirt ground. A walk around the Shopping District would probably do them some good.

It wasn’t too far a walk from the barn to Spawn, Ranboo able to see Pearl’s deer statue and UFO thing from the backyard. They just had to swing around Stress’s base, and they could see all the shops on the other side of the Hermissippi.

Though if Ranboo was being honest, they were craving some Gigapies. Ranboo knew Tommy seemed to have a personal vendetta against Ren, but Ranboo didn’t have a problem with the guy. He was friendly, and his shop was within walking distance of the barn. Ranboo sniffed the air, and the smell of fresh baked pumpkin pies wafted all the way across the bay.

Ranboo tentatively knocked on the door. “Hello? Ren? Are you in there?” Ranboo asked. They knew it was the middle of the night, but the Hermits were almost always working on something, so there was a chance Ren was restocking.

They didn’t hear anything from inside Gigapies, but the door seemed to swing open on its own. Ranboo gulped nervously and stepped inside, looking around at the empty shop.

The lights were on, and the atmosphere was warm and cozy. There were a few round tables with chairs set up around the shop, and the counter had a till for counting diamonds. Ranboo could smell freshly cooked pies, and sighed dreamily. He couldn’t help it! Ren was almost as good a cook as Jimmy!

“Ren?” They called out. “Are you in here?”

“Ran, is that you dude!”

“Yeah- are you open?”

Ren’s head poked out of the kitchen door, and he beamed, his apron covered in flour and sticky pumpkin filling. “I’ll be right with ya baby! Gotta get a few more pies in the oven! Make yourself comfortable!”

Ranboo flashed Red a grateful smile. “Thanks Ren.” They pulled a chair out, sitting at the table. They slipped their book out from their pocket, putting it on the flat wooden surface.

It was easy to see parts of The Red King in Ren, and Ranboo was glad for that small piece of home. They still weren’t used to grass beneath their hooves instead of snow, or the cold nippy winds of the tundra and Arctic. But Ren and Red had the same toothy grin, even if Red’s was a little sharper. They had the same loud laugh that came from the belly and made you feel warm inside, like a hearth taking place in your heart. Ranboo thought it also helped that Ren had known Wilbur. It was those degrees of separation that made Ranboo feel a bit more ease around the guy than Tommy did. The fact Ren looked so much like Ren only sowed seeds of mistrust with Tommy, which Ranboo didn’t understand. They didn’t think they ever would.

Ren pushed the kitchen door open with his hips, holding two plates with steaming slices of pumpkin pie dolloped in whipped cream, as well as balancing a cup holder with two coffees on his head. “Ren Diggity Dog, comin’ in hot!”

“Woah! Let me help you!” Ranboo shot to their feet, taking the cupholder off of Ren’s head. They set it on the table, and pulled out Ren’s chair so he could sit more carefully.

“Aw thanks Ran, you’re a pal.” Ren set the two plates down and pulled two forks from his apron pocket. He handed one to Ranboo, and kept one for himself. “Dig in dude! It’s pumpkin pie and pumpkin spice- that’s double the freakin’ pumpkin!”

Ranboo laughed at that, taking a bite of pie. “Oh wow- WOW. This is delicious, Ren. Really. I’ve gotta get one of these to go, the kids are gonna love this for breakfast.”

Ren absolutely beamed, his tail wagging. “Aw man, you’re gonna make me blush! It’s an old family recipe that my mama gave me when I was just a lil pup. Before my brothers and I hit the road.” Ren took a bite from his plate. “Only started trying to make it recently.”

Ranboo frowned, seeing the look in Ren’s eyes when he mentioned his mama. “Did something happen?”

Ren shrugged. “She just wasn’t around all too much, and then our pa wasn’t all too happy when Renbob and I started dressin’ different, stopped wearin' all those darn dresses. But hey dude, you don’t wanna hear all that! It’s bad mojo to talk about serious junk over good food!”

Ranboo let out another laugh, this one a little more nervous. “I think I have enough ‘bad mojo’ to last a lifetime, thanks.”

“Oh, I hear that.” Ren took a sip of coffee and wiped off his cheek. His eyes darted from his plate to the book next to Ranboo’s cup. “Hey, whatcha reading?”

“Huh?” Ranboo didn’t have a chance to answer Ren when he picked up the book and opened it. “Wait-!”

Ren scanned the pages, then nodded in understanding. “Sorry my dude, didn’t mean to sneak a peek at your private biz. Should’ve known it was some sorta diary.” Ren closed the book, sliding it back over to Ranboo.

They looked quizzically at Ren. “Diary?”

“Yeah, the pages were blank.”

Chapter Text

“Are you SURE this thing is SAFE?” Tommy awkwardly positioned herself onto Gem’s staff, which was hovering midair. She gripped the wooden handle, Gem hopping on in front of her. “Are you absolutely POSITIVE I’m not going to be thrown into the fucking stratosphere by this death trap waiting to happen?”

“You’ll be fine, Tommy!” Gem chirped. “Just hold on tight!”

Tommy wrapped her arms around Gem’s waist. The first rays of sunrise were pouring over the milky pink horizon, and the stars were starting to fade away into white specks behind the clouds. Tommy had spent the night in Crystal Cliffs, sleeping on the couch in Gem’s dorm room turned home office. Now she was ready to head to The Gilded Hilenthia to finally spend some quality time with her older sister.

She was, however, very wary of their mode of transportation. Gem insisted that staff travel was safe and secure, but how could something be safe when it had no brakes or seatbelts? Tommy at least knew her own strength and speed with wings, so she knew when to stop and go. This was a magic stick controlled by a magic wizard. Of course she was nervous!

“Ready to fly air Gem? Please keep all hands, arms, wings, and tails inside the vehicle at all times!” Gem pushed off the ground with her boots, the staff hovering further up in the air.

“Let’s just get this over with PLEASE I am this close to shitting myself.”

Gem just laughed, and with a kick as if kicking the side of a horse, the staff zoomed off through the air.

Tommy let out a shrill shriek, but it began to die down as she looked down below at the view.

They started to pass the mountains, turning from jagged gray peaks to snowcapped glaciers that surrounded the kingdom of Rivendell. Tommy immediately started to shiver as they passed into the snowy land, but still took the time to marvel at the pine trees taller than most castles, and the golden deer statue positioned like it was bowing its head, and the icy lakes where people were either skating or pulling up fish. Tommy looked up, catching snowflakes on her eyelashes and in her hair.

When they passed the mountains on the other side of the kingdom the snow stopped at once, giving way to a sunny springtime dream land. Flowers sprouted from the ground that towered over the actual buildings, and from the people flying around down below, she knew this was House Blossom, land of the fairies. Cherry blossom trees blew petals in the air, and Tommy was captivated by just how soft everything looked from so high up.

Finally, after an hour of flight in silent wonderment, they reached the Gilded Hilenthia. The vast fields of wheat almost looked like sand, and the beanstalk was now sprouting large sunflowers, no longer looking limp and wilted. In fact the whole land looked a more vibrant shade of green then when Tommy had first seen it when she had visited with the Hermits.

Gem slowly lowered her staff down onto the ground and hopped off with ease. She took Tommy’s hand and helped her down. “See! Staff travel isn’t so bad!”

Tommy’s hair was sticking up from all ends, her face red from the sudden shifts in temperature. Rivendell cold, House Blossom fair, and then Gilded Hilenthia humid. “Cod ALMIGHTY Gem that was mental! There were a few times there I thought you were gonna fucking drop me!”

“Oh please, don’t underestimate my flying skills.” Gem playfully nudged Tommy, then looked around.

All the houses seemed to be occupied again, though some had been in such a state of disrepair they had to be torn down and built anew, so the families who had lost their homes were living out of tents. The red vines that had been growing had been trimmed and burned, hence the smell of rotting meat mixed with stale mead in the air. The wheat fields were already being harvested, and a few farmers waved to Gem. She waved back, familiar with the citizens of the Hilenthia from just how often she visited Pearl.

“Pearl! Pearly girlie! Pearly pop!” Gem called out.

“I’m up here, Gem!”

Gem swiveled around and saw Pearl balancing on top of a roof, hammering shingles onto a wooden foundation. Her green and gold dress was already stained with wood chips and dirt, and instead of wearing strappy sandals and her crown of sunflowers, Pearl wore galoshes in a garish shade of yellow, thick working gloves, and a visor to protect her eyes from the suns. Pearl was always one of the more hands-on Emperors, like Gem, Jimmy, and Pix. Not afraid to get their hands dirty with a little hard work and elbow grease.

“Special delivery! One Tommy-Anne!”

Pearl beamed. “Hey Tommy, welcome back! Knew you’d show up eventually!” She flew down from the roof to ruffle Tommy’s messy hair. “Geez, bedhead much?”

Tommy scowled, dodging her hand. “Not my fault it was windy and shit! I can’t control the WIND, Pearl!” She was still smiling despite Pearl’s teasing. “I want one of those staff things by the way.”

“Alright, do ya wanna go to school for six years?”

Gem groaned. “Pearl, I barely even lasted one day with her as my student. My poor, poor blood pressure can’t handle it. I don’t think Roz could handle it!”

Tommy gave a gasp of mock offense. “EXCUSE YOU! I was an AH-MAYZIN’ student! Not my fault that prick Polly kept trying to one up me! First the fucking potions, THEN the fucking animals, THEN-”

“Oh my Sarah you ACTUALLY went to school.” Pearl looked downright shell shocked by this, then burst into laughter.

“It wasn’t funny, Pearl.” Gem said, despite her own giggles.

“I beg to differ, I’m a fucking delight.” Tommy said, hands on her hips.

Pearl was laughing so hard she had to hold her sides. “Oh- oh Tommy, you’re freaking killing me mate.” She clapped her on the back. “Listen, you can tell me all about it after I finish re-tiling this house.”

Gem smiled at Pearl. “Rebuilding's going well?”

“Slow, but good!” Pearl wiped the sweat from her brow. “I mean, I’m doing what I have to do to help my people. Most of ‘em came back, but there’s still a large portion of my citizens with…”

Pearl didn’t have to say it. Gem knew. Gem had been there, even if not entirely present, when The Gilded Hilenthia and Cod Empire had been abandoned. Families fled in droves, not wanting to be in a kingdom without an Emperor. It had only taken six months for the empires to become ghost towns, and for the corruption to latch onto those who moved to Mythland and The Lost Empire. More of Pearl’s citizens were drawn to Mythland, and to Sausage’s credit, he welcomed any new citizens with open arms. He set up new housing, helped them adjust, poured as many resources as he could into helping his new people. Even if he was corrupted, even if the demon still had him in his grasp, he was still a kindhearted person deep down. No amount of corruption could ever change that.

Joey had done the same, but with the ulterior motive of having new souls to serve Xornoth. It wasn’t that Joey didn’t care about his citizens of Empires, but he had been so young when he took the crown, that he’s spent nearly most of his time ruling as the demon’s beau. It was all he knew. He didn’t have the wisdom of Pixlriffs, the experience of Jimmy, or the resources of The Grimlands. All he had was himself, and his younger brother, The Tiger Prince. He didn’t know anything about being a leader, which is what led him to Xornoth in the first place. Xornoth would take care of everything. Xornoth would be there for him. Unfortunately for Pearl and Jimmy’s citizens who felt abandoned by their rulers, that was appealing for them too.

Gem pulled Pearl into a hug, rubbing up and down her back. Pearl hugged back, resting her head between Gem’s antlers. “Hey, it’s okay. I know we have an emperor's meeting tomorrow, but you don’t have to go.”

Pearl sighed, squeezing around Gem’s shoulders. “I’ll be right, Gem. It’s just been a while, ya know?”

Gem nods. “Yeah, I know. But we’re all gonna be there for you.”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna let that fucking creep try anything.” Tommy said. She knew she might’ve been interrupting a moment, but Pearl needed any reassurance she could from her.

Pearl smiled and let go of the hug with Gem to hug Tommy. “Thanks Tommy. C’mon, we’ve still got a lot of work to do. See ya tomorrow, Gem?”

“Mhm!” Gem hopped back onto her staff. “If you need anything, just call!”

“I will. fWhip was over yesterday.” Pearl said, letting go of Tommy. “He offered to fix the water wheel, which needs repairing, like, now, but that’s a three-day project at least. He did bring over a bunch of building supplies, so we’re good on that. I;m hoping tomorrow I can set up a trade deal with Scott for some logs and wool, but if I can’t, I’m sure fWhip has the farms, right?”

Tommy wrinkled her nose. She wasn’t a fan of fWhip because of the whole ‘smog poisoning the air and automatons not being given basic rights’ thing, but if he was helping Pearl, she wasn’t going to say anything. Pearl looked like she had her work cut out for her, and Tommy had a few ideas about what she could to help restore The Gilded Hilenthia. This was her sister’s kingdom- her mother's too. She had to be able to do something.

Gem giggled. “Honestly, I’ve lost track of how many farms fWhip has. I’m sure Scott will be willing to establish a trade, he’s always been a good ally.” Gem ignored the white streak tucked into her hat. She knew it was an accident. She knew that. But that didn’t mean she didn’t still have trouble getting warm on cold nights. “See ya tomorrow! Bye Tommy, hope to see you!”

“Oh, I’ll be there!” Tommy puffed out her chest. “I’ve got some WORDS for that fWhip fellow, and for Sausage and Joey, if those pricks are gonna be there!”

“I’ll be sure to bring my camera.” Gem kicked up a cloud of dirt as she flew off towards Crystal Cliffs, Pearl waving to her until she was just a speck over the horizon. The sun had fully risen now, the sky a calming shade of light blue.

Pearl turned on her heel to face Tommy. “Alright, whatcha wanna do first? You’re with ol’ Pearl now, and she knows how to have fun!” Pearl pointed to herself with her thumb. Her boastful smile hid exhausted eyes. She hadn’t had a moment of rest since she came back through the server portal, putting herself right to work as soon as she touched down to her homeland.

“I want you to take a fucking break.” Tommy said.

Pearl’s shoulders immediately slumped, and she let out a hollow laugh. She sat under a lemon tree and leaned against its trunk. She patted the ground next to her, beckoning Tommy to sit down.

Tommy sat down, stretching her legs out under her skirt, and putting her arms behind her head. She just looked out at The Gilded Hilenthia, and took a breather, because it's what Pearl needed.

Pearl needed to watch horses trot along the roads and watch as shulkers of building supplies were taken out of the buggy and distributed. She needed to watch children wading through the shallow streams of water between the wheat fields, splashing each other and looking for crawdads. She needed to remind herself that she was home again, and the only time she’d ever leave it was to be on Hermitcraft.

She reached a hand up, plucking a lemon from the tree. Pearl handed it to Tommy then plucked one for herself, breaking it open like an egg.

Tommy’s face morphed into disgust. “Why the fuck would you do that in front of me?”

Pearl just laughed, biting into the insides. Lemon juice dripped down her chin, and she just wiped it off with the gloves. “Try it! They’re sweeter than other lemons.”

Instead of breaking it like Pearl had, Tommy peeled it like she was peeling an orange. She had plenty of experience peeling oranges from L’manburg, when she was on kitchen duty with Jimmy and would help him out preparing the ingredients in the Dining Hall. She had never been allowed to actually use the furnace, but she didn’t mind peeling oranges and chopping cherries for meringues, pies, cobblers, and ice cream. Ice cream had always been a treat, and Tommy wondered the next time she’d actually get to taste an orange. She had almost forgotten the taste of oranges. The tastes of L’manburg.

She bit into the lemon, and her eyes went wide as saucers.

“Holy. Shit.”

“I know!”

“Holy shit! That’s fucking SWEET! It tastes like candy!” Tommy exclaimed excitedly. She peeled off a slice and shoved it in her mouth, chomping down and getting lemon juice all over her cheeks and chin. It dripped down onto the blouse she had borrowed from Gem, which was baggy on her around the shoulders and waist, but tight around the chest. She’d have to hem it later, but for now, she was focused on the lemons. “How's it so fucking sweet!?”

Pearl shrugged. “I dunno, fWhip said something about ‘years of selective breeding’ and ‘evolution’, but I just go with mum knows I’ve got a sweet tooth.” She bit back into her lemon, and even nibbled on the rind.

That part made Tommy gag. “Why are you chewing on the squishy bit!?”

“Because it’s just as good!” Pearl said through a mouthful of lemon. “You’re just a weanie.”

“I AM NOT A WEANIE.”

And to prove she wasn’t a weanie, she shoved the entire lemon in her mouth, unpeeled rind and all. She chewed for what felt like eternity, then swallowed.

Pearl’s jaw dropped, then she started practically cackling. “Why the heck did you do THAT?!”

Tommy looked down at her hands, now covered in sticky sweet lemon juice. “I…I have no fucking idea, actually. I dunno why I just did that, I just did. That was a mistake- Ocean’s sake it’s like I swallowed a boot. Like. A size 10 boot.”

Pearl was laughing so hard her sides and cheeks hurt.

A few citizens stopped to stare, but not in a bad way. It was nice to see their emperor in such good spirits, especially after having not seen her for two years. The people of The Gilded Hilenthia had always loved Pearl and her family, her older sister having been the previous guardian. Now Pearl took any chance she could to boast about her younger sister, and they were all ready to welcome her with open arms and kind hearts.

Tommy beamed ear to ear, despite the rubbery texture of the lemon rinds making her want to tear out her esophagus. She had gotten Pearl to laugh, and that was all that mattered. “Why would you make me do that?”

“I didn’t make you do anything! You’re the nut job who just ATE AN ENTIRE LEMON!”

“BECAUSE YOU CALLED ME A WEANIE!”

“YOU ARE A WEANIE.”

Tommy went in for the tackle, and soon it was her versus Pearl rolling around in the dirt. There was hair pulling. There was shoving. But they were both laughing, neither able to actually truly hurt the other.

Pearl managed to throw Tommy off of her, and practically cackled as Tommy rolled down the hill and right into a giant mud puddle. “Tommy! You okay down there!?”

Tommy sat right up in the puddle, covered in mud from head to toe. Then she just laid back down, arms and legs spread out like a starfish. “I AM THE MUD AND THE MUD IS ME!”

Pearl jogged down the hills and jumped into the puddle, staining her dress, face, and galoshes. “Mud! Let’s go team mud!” She spun around and landed on her ass, just making her laugh harder. “This is gonna be such a pain to clean out later.”

“Yeah, we can worry about that later, that’s why it's called LATER.” Tommy was moving her arms up and down, making mud angels.

Pearl laid down next to Tommy, letting her hair flow around her head. Tommy’s hair did the same, both giving off a halo effect as they looked up at the suns.

“Yeah. We’ve always got later.”

Chapter Text

‘My brother has decided that it is time for him to leave.

I can’t say I’m surprised, and as devastated as I am, I know this is what’s best for him. I know he’ll do amazing things whatever path he flies through, and he has promised to return home once he’s found the thing he has been chasing for so long. I wish him the best of luck, but I still can’t help the bitter taste in my mouth when I think about staying here without him.

Doesn’t he know how much I need him? Doesn’t he understand that I am unable to leave our home? This is the land of our mother, our father, our grandmother. This is the only home I have ever known. How is it so easy for him to leave when just the thought of seeing any other sunset makes me sick to my stomach?

I know it is selfish, but I wish I could express how much I need him to stay. He is the only one who has ever understood me, as we bear the same curse. Forced to walk this and every earth for eternity. We lost our family, our friends, and former mentors. There is nothing left for me if he goes, and yet I know I will stay. I have no choice. My visions have been helping the village. If I leave, they’re all sure to die.

Once when we were children, he talked about a dream he had. Where he had soared far from our desert, and into a vast land of white sand- snow. We’ve never seen snow before, only read about it in books. He had said that the sand was cold, and he built a castle from the ice. And when he awoke, he wondered where his friend had gone. That was one of the first of our strange dreams, but I always knew my dreams to be the stranger between the two of us.

He brought that dream up again. I was surprised he still remembered.

“I think I’m supposed to go there.” He said, after he told me this morning, over coffee. After I had nearly lost my temper. If I were a man not so used to pushing his own feelings aside for what is best, I would’ve fallen to my knees and pleaded he not go. But he needs to go. He needs to find that snowy land. He needs to find that friend.

Tomorrow we will celebrate his life. Normally it is a celebration for the dying, but as far as I am concerned, a part of me is dying. We will light his candle and send it up into a lantern. We will make basbousa, just like our mother had made for our grandmother when the sickness took her, and just like she made for our father after she received the news. My sisters had tried to make it for our mother when she passed, but they could never quite get it right. We can go into the village, get some Turkish Delight, just like we used to when we were kids. The original owner of the bakery had long passed, and now it is run by his great granddaughter. My brother thinks she’s sweet on me, but we both know romance isn’t in the cards for me.

I truly don’t know how I’m going to last without him. How can I go on, knowing that I will be left with nothing but the descendants of the people I had grown up with? That I have no one but myself now as a confidant? What am I supposed to do?

I’d ask my brother, but he has more important things to worry about.

He hasn’t even started packing yet. - P.R’

Wilbur leaned against the van with a cigarette between his lips, the book kept tucked under his arm. The heat wasn’t beating down as hard anymore, clouds starting to roll through the sky and provide shade. Renbob had said it ‘smelled like rain’, so Wilbur was getting one more smoke in before he was van bound and not allowed to anymore. Something something ‘destroying his lungs’, something something ‘nicotine is addictive’, or whatever Renbob had said while making crepes.

He watched as Clem ran around the patch of sand that had become their backyard. Her jaw snapped, trying to catch her own tail. Her head shot up when she spotted a lizard skittering across the fence dividing the van from the house next to it, and she took the leap.

Wilbur didn’t mean to laugh, but she just looked silly when she flopped back down onto her back. “Clem- Clem he’s too quick for you.”

Clem gave him an annoyed chuff before rolling back onto her legs and shaking her fur out. She trotted over to Wilbur like a purse sized horse and barked, nudging her snoot into his hand.

He ran a hand through her long, silky fur, now covered in sand. “Might wanna shake off before you hop in the van. Renbob doesn’t need to be vacuuming every five clicks, yeah?” He mimicked shaking with his own mop of hair, which was tied up with the green bandana he had claimed as his own. “Shake?”

Clem shook her head, and then her whole body, sand going anywhere.

“Good girl.” Wilbur gave her another pet.

In the distance, he heard the rumble of thunder.

He sighed and opened up the door, letting Clem run inside first. She barked to announce her presence, and then Wilbur followed, closing the van door behind him.

“Glad ya didn’t go too far, man.” Renbob said from the booth. He gathered his tarot cards back into a pile and tied a rubber band around them, putting the stack back into his knapsack. “I can tell it’s gonna be a doozy.”

“Didn’t think it ever rained in the desert.” Wilbur flopped down in the booth seat across from Renbob. Clem trotted over and placed her head on Wilbur’s knee. She knew how to get those sweet, sweet scritches.

“Oh yeah, it rains way more than ya think.” Renbob said. “My theory is all that smoke from the Grimlands is suckin’ all the moisture out the air, so Mother Nature is trying to compensate for bein’ all outta balance.”

“Huh, that’s actually a pretty solid theory.”

“Ya sound surprised.” Renbob chuckled. “Hey, I was wonderin’, do ya wanna video chat Ren and Impy? I ain’t seen those guys since I got off the Hermitheus, and I wanna check in on my brother!”

Wilbur gulped. Not just at the aspect of seeing Ren and Impulse again- gods when was the last time he even spoke to Ren? - but because once again, the subject of brothers was being brought up. What he wouldn’t give just to talk to his brother, just one more time. Just to say he was sorry.

“Uh, I dunno, Renbob.” Wilbur rubbed the back of his neck. “Would they even want to speak to me?”

Renbob reached over the table and thumped his finger against Wilbur’s forehead.

“Hey!”

“I told ya I’d train the negativity outta ya, and I’m a dog of my word!” Renbob had a mischievous smirk as he leaned back into the booth cushion, hands behind his head. “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, start using it.”

Wilbur scowled and rubbed at the throbbing red dot on his forehead. “You sound like a fortune cookie.”

“Hey, if I were a cookie, I would not be a fortune cookie!” Renbob said, as if he had thought extensively on the topic. “I’d be an m&m cookie with buttercream frosting!” Okay, he has definitely thought extensively about what type of cookie he would be.

Wilbur cracked a smile. “Alright. What kind of cookie would I be?”

Renbob tapped his finger against his chin. “Hmmm. I’m gonna go with a molasses cookie.”

“Wh- molasses cookie!?”

“Yeah man, right on the money!”

Wilbur huffed and crossed his arms. “Why am I a molasses cookie?”

“Cuz my brother, you’re an acquired taste.” Renbob giggled as he reached over to pat Wilbur’s arm. “Everyone might think you’re all bitter, but they just gotta get used to ya, man! Then they see you’re all sugar!”

Wilbur wouldn’t admit how much that meant to him. He knew exactly what Renbob meant, he was just saying it in strange Renbob fashion. He cracked a smile. “Alright alright, I concede to being a molasses cookie.”

“Good man!”

The rain started to beat against the van like hail, rattling the roof and making the light above the booth sway back and forth. Wilbur looked out the window, and the sky that had been a brilliant blue just a few clicks ago was now a dark and stormy gray, so gray it looked like it came out of a picture book.

Renbob let out a low whistle. “It’s raining guardians out there. I’ve got the generator if the power goes kapoot, so we should be good. If the generator cuts too, I've got candles.”

“And if the candles somehow fly out the window?” Wilbur asked with a chuckle, propping his chin on his hand.

“Then we are absolutely fucked my brother.”

That just made Wilbur howl with laughter. He slammed his palm against the table, rattling it and startling Clem. Wilbur was fully aware that Renbob was a grown man and was fully within his rights to curse. But it still caught him off guard every time!

Renbob beamed, glad he was able to make Wilbur smile and laugh. That was always what he liked about Wilbur; it was easy to make the kid laugh. Some people he met on the road just had no sense of humor, which sucked, because Renbob saw humor as absolutely essential to a friendship!

He took out his com while Wilbur was still laughing and pulled up Ren’s contact. They had been texting back and forth ever since Renbob had gotten Wilbur to Pixandria, and keeping him filled in. Ren had been doing the same, trying to tell Renbob all the juicy gossip that wasn’t on the recap. Like about Tommy coming out, and everything going on with Tubbo and Ranboo’s kids! Pix tried to keep the kids out of the recap because, come on, they’re kids.

Renbob pressed call, and Wilbur’s laughter ceased as soon as he heard the familiar dial up of a video call.

The screen lit up, and there was Ren, holding the com way too close to his face. He grinned, tail wagging behind him. “Renbob my brother, what’s happenin’ baby! Impulse, get in here, it’s Renbob!”

Renbob laughed, happy to hear Ren’s voice again. “Ren Diggity Dog, I miss your face, man! Can ya move the phone away, just a smidge? I can see all up in your bits.”

Ren pulled the com away from his face and propped it on a napkin holder. He lounged back in his chair, tail wagging so hard it rattled the chair behind him. “Impulse!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Impulse came into view and sat beside Ren. He smiled at Renbob and waved. “Hey man, what’s up!”

“Impulse, you’ve got a beard!” Renbob exclaimed. “Far out! How longs’ that thing been growing?”

Now it was Impulse’s turn to laugh. “Since we landed. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its own. Gem and Pearl keep calling me Gandalf, but I dunno, I think I look more like a dwarf.”

Renbob, Ren, and Impulse were all laughing along, while Wilbur sat awkwardly in the booth.

He hadn’t even said goodbye to Impulse when he left the DreamSMP. Impulse, who had been one of his first friends when he joined the Hippie Commune of Season 6. Impulse, who didn’t hate him, even after learning about everything he had done, and Wilbur hadn’t even said goodbye. And Ren? The last time Wilbur had seen Ren he was sobbing in Impulse’s van because Sally had just packed up and left, leaving him with their infant. So there weren’t exactly any goodbyes there either.

It was too late to chicken out now, unfortunately.

“You guys aren’t gonna guess who I’ve got with me!” Renbob said cheerfully.

“Please don’t let it be another Sith Lord.” Ren groaned. “Dunno if my blood pressure can handle that.”

“Has it been long enough we can joke about it now?” Renbob asked with a wary laugh.

“Just show us your new van guest.” Impulse said, steering the conversation back on track.

Renbob held the com up and flipped the camera. “Say hi Wilbur!”

Wilbur gave a shy and awkward smile, giving a small half wave. “Um, hello there gentleman. It’s been some time?”

“WILBUR!” Ren grabbed the com and pulled it so close to his face that Wilbur could see the smallest details of his eyes through his sunglasses. “Oh baby I haven’t seen you in years! Look atcha!”

Wilbur rubbed up and down his arm. “Hello to you too, Ren. It has been uh- well it’s been a while.”

Impulse pulled Ren away from the camera with a smile. “Hey Wilbur! Glad to see you’re alright!”

Wilbur’s shoulders relaxed, and he tried to make his smile genuine. “Yeah, I’m alright. Wow, you really do have a beard.”

Impulse laughed and slapped his knee. “Yeah, yeah, I do. You’ve got some stubble too!”

He just groaned. “Don’t remind me. I’ve tried shaving but it’s just growing back like fungus. I think it’s stress or something.” Wilbur said, arms folded in front of him.

Ren’s tail was wagging so hard it was a brown blur behind him. “I knew I recognized the van! You still have that!? I thought for sure she would’ve given out by now.”

Oh Wilbur was sweating BULLETS. “Ha, yep! Still- still the van! Kept her in good shape!”

Impulse knew for a fact that the van had been destroyed back when Wilbur pressed the button- at least according to Eret, Martyn, and Jimmy. But he didn’t say anything. Wilbur looked like he had enough on his plate without worrying about being a technical criminal.

“We’ve got SO MUCH to freakin’ catch up on dude!” Ren exclaimed excitedly. “Check out my sweet tech!” Renbob flexed his arm, showing off the silver metal and flashing buttons.

Wilbur’s eyes went wide. He knew The Red King back on the DreamSMP had prosthetics, but Wilbur had naively hoped that they were from, well, the king. Not from his friend. “Shit- I’m sorry Ren. What happened?”

“Sith Lord, lava, ya know. Crazy Thursday.” Ren said with a shrug. “You’ve got WINGS dude! They look good!”

His wings puffed out and ruffled as the pink rose in his cheeks. “Yeah, they sort of came back after- we don’t have to get into that right now.” Wilbur was still under the assumption that Ren and Renbob were totally oblivious to what he had done on the DreamSMP, and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t know about Ren’s strange mirror into the DreamSMP, and honestly, Ren was starting to write up all these dreams as coincidence.

“I didn’t know you were on Empires!” Impulse said. “When’d you arrive?”

“Not long ago. I left just a bit after you guys did, bumped into Renbob, and now we’re here.” Wilbur said. “It is- Pixandria is absolutely gorgeous, Impulse. Dunno if you’ve ever seen it in person, but it’s worth the trip.”

Ren nudged Impulse. “Maybe next time Tommy goes to visit we should pop on in with her and check the place out! I haven’t been to Pixandria since I was just a pup!”

The world came to a standstill, and Wilbur swore he felt his heart stop.

“Tommy- Tommy’s on Empires?” He asked, the wind having been knocked out of him. His voice sounded so far away, and there was so much ringing in his ears that he couldn't hear what Ren, Renbob, or Impulse were saying. His own labored breathing mixed in with the onslaught of rain, and when thunder shook the whole van, he didn’t even flinch.

‘My brother is the most important person in my life, and now that he plans on leaving, I don’t know how I’m going to piece myself back together. It’s still hard to think of myself as a leader, but somebody has to be, otherwise I would just go off with him. I would follow my brother to the ends of the earth and back if he asked. But I know he won’t ask. I know he has to do this alone. I cannot interfere with this, and that is the only reason why I pray tonight. I cannot ask him to stay, so a selfish, horrible part of me is hoping the gods above will make him- P. R.’

Chapter Text

“Trust me, a night off is something we ALL need.” Puffy said as she hiked her boots up to her knee, pulling the zipper up carefully so it didn’t snag on her stockings. “Quackity said the club scene has gotten ten times better since tourism started booming, and I think we all need a night where we can be fucking stupid.”

Niki leaned against her vanity to look closer in the mirror, circling black lipstick against her lips. It brought out the red in her eyes, and the gray of her skin that she had grown used to over the years. “I am not complaining one bit. It will be nice to close the bakery for a few hours.” She tied her hair up, using a pin to keep the messy bun in place.

Puffy cracked a smile, leaning over her shoulder. “You look fantastic. Drop dead gorgeous.”

Niki rolled her eyes, playfully shoving Puffy’s face away. “I bet you say that to all the pretty girls.”

“You’re the only pretty girl in the room.”

“I dunno if I should be offended by that or not.” Jack said, pinning redstone crystal earrings into his ears.

Puffy’s head snapped over to Jack. “Are you a girl?”

“No but I’d appreciate being called pretty!” He put his hands on his hips.

Niki just laughed. “I think you’re very pretty, Jack.”

“Thank you, I think I’m pretty too!” Jack struck a pose, causing Niki and Puffy to both laugh. He had borrowed platforms from Red, and it was obvious he had no idea how to walk in them. Chains dangled from his belt, and the ruffled shirt he was wearing was a very loud shade of blue. “It’s nice to hear it!”

Puffy rolled her eyes and slipped an array of gold chains over her head to rest around her neck. Her hair was tied back with a red silk bandana so it wouldn’t get in her face on the dance floor, and you can never go wrong with a little black dress. Her arms jingled with how many bangles she had on, and the red painting her lips was just as bright as a ruby.

“Well, if I knew you were so desperate for compliments, I would have said something sooner.” Niki said teasingly, pulling her spiked leather jacket over the spaghetti straps of her pink column dress. She opted for black combat boots instead of heels, knowing she’d probably get tired of dancing if her feet were covered in blisters.

Jack flushed. “Aye! Don’t get smart with me!”

“I can be smart with anybody I want.” Niki stood up, taking her red clutch purse from the vanity. “I hope Red, Martyn, and Eret are done soon. It is more fun to go as a group.”

“I’m sure Red is still trying to convince Martyn he actually NEEDS a night off.” Puffy took Niki’s place at the vanity, touching up her eyeliner.

Puffy, as always, was right.

“M’lord, I’m telling you, it’s better if I just stay here for the night.” Martyn complained for the millionth time that hour as Red was sticking his tongue out, trying to fix Martyn’s tie.

“Nonsense, me hand. Ye’ve been working till yer blue in the face, ye need a night- how the blazes do I tie this damned thing?” Red mumbled under his breath; the white fabric of the tie wrapped around his fingers instead of Martyn’s neck.

Martyn couldn’t help but chuckle at Red’s attempts. “Here, let me.” He gently took Red’s hands away and began to tie his tie properly. He only wore a tie when he was in Las Nevadas- it just felt appropriate for the aesthetic. “You’re KNOT the best at this, m’lord.”

Eret groaned from where she was brushing out her hair. “Martyn, please.”

“What! If I’m being forced to go-”

“Yes, you’re being FORCED to have a relaxing night off, woe is you.” Eret rolled her eyes but smiled regardless. She painted her lips gold, a similar golden veil keeping her hair in place. “Martyn you’ve been putting all your effort into the Snowchester Housing Projects and Renchanting. We’re doing this because we love you. Take the night off.”

“I’m not being given a choice, am I?”

“Nay.” Red said simply.

Martyn huffed and finished the final knot on his tie. He sat down on the bed and pulled on the only pair of dress shoes he owned. They were a little too small, being all the way back from L’manburg when Safiyya first set up shop. Wilbur had gotten them all new shoes and specially made L’manburg suits, for when they needed to have important meetings with other villages for trade and such. “Did Big Q say why he wanted us all to go clubbing tonight?”

Eret just shrugged. “Said we all needed to relax. Etho must be a better influence than we thought if they’re actually getting Quackity of all people to relax.” She posed in front of the mirror and gave a nod of satisfaction.

“Red really is yer color, yer majesty.” Red said.

“That’s very kind, but I believe it suits you more. It’s in your name.” Eret said in return.

Red barked out a laugh. It was true that the red pleated skirt and white off the shoulder halter top complimented him well, but he was always modest when it came to his looks. His usual platforms were replaced with red heels, despite the fact he towered over everyone else regardless of the shoes he wore.

“Well now I feel like I'm clashing.” Martyn’s dark green suit had been a Hearth’s Warming gift from Quackity, along with the new white tie, and golden watch engraved with the co-ords to Las Nevadas on the back of the face. Martyn knew Quackity refused into Las Nevadas’s emergency funds, so it honestly warmed Martyn’s heart that he had paid for the watch out of pocket.

“I think ye look wonderful, hand.” Red wrapped an arm around Martyn’s waist and pulled him in for the softest of kisses. He always said ‘hand’ the same way someone else would say ‘love’, ‘my darling’, or ‘my entire world’. And in turn Martyn always said ‘m’lord’ in a way that was something much more than a title. They were two halves of a whole, and nothing could separate them, damned if they tried.

Eret gave a smile, turning back to the mirror. She had no more adjustments to make. She just wanted to give Martyn and Red their privacy. After so long of Martyn fighting for everyone else, Eret was glad he had something- someone- just for himself. That he managed to find happiness in a world that had taken it from so many others. Renchanting loved this server, and this server loved Renchanting in turn.

There was a knock at the door, and then it opened.

“Are you lot ready to- OH COME ON.”

Red and Martyn pulled away from each other, both blushing like teenagers playing Spin the Bottle. Red bared his fangs, even if it was an empty threat. “Don’t ye know how to knock, Manifold!?”

Jack was also burning bright red, covering his eyes with his hands. “How was I supposed to know you’d be making out!?”

“We could’ve been disrobing!” Red exclaimed, his voice raising on octave out of pure embarrassment. He wasn’t embarrassed by the love he showed Martyn, but he was from a different era, where PDA wasn’t exactly a thing, and even the most chaste of kissing or hand holding was seen as a social taboo. When he was first summoned to Dogwarts, he had nearly blown a gasket at how freely Sir Skizz showed off his muscles. He continuously offered up his cloak, but he didn’t get the message. Even now, in the summer months when Martyn switched from cargo pants to cargo shorts, Red found himself hot under the collar.

He wasn’t a prude, no matter how much Niki teased him. He was just a gentleman!

Martyn just laughed at Red. “M’lord, it’s fine, we were just kissing- Jack you can look now.”

“Do you have PANTS on?”

“Do you really think we’d do that while Eret is in the room? Really Jack? Come on now.”

Jack removed his hands from his eyes. The carpet below his feet was singed from how bright Jack was blushing. “I don’t know what you people are into! Are you ready to go or not; Niki and Puffy are waiting downstairs.”

“I’ve been ready.” Eret said with a chuckle, pulling the white fur gloves over hands. It would be hot in the nether, but once they got to Las Nevadas they’d all regret not being properly dressed for the frigid January air. “Just waiting on these two.”

“Well I’m ready.” Martyn’s lips were now smudged with red lip stain, and Red’s lipstick was out of place, giving both of them the perfect debauched look. Martyn leaned over to Red and wiped the lipstick off with his thumb.

“Thank ye, hand.” Red put his hands on Martyn’s waist, face burning, since they still had an audience.

“I’m just gonna- I’m gonna go.” Jack pointed out the door before scrambling down the hall and then down the stairs like a bat out of hell.

Both Eret and Martyn shared a laugh, while Red’s face remained the color of his namesake. He stood up and cleared his throat, smoothing out his skirt. He raised his head up high, despite the fact his tail was tucked between his legs.

“Let us be on our way.” he said simply, heading out the door.

Eret giggled and offered up her arm to Martyn. “Shall we?”

Martyn smiled, hooking his arm around hers. “Such a gentle woman. We shall, your majesty.” Both of them shared a look and laugh- an inside joke that was just the two of them.

Two kings, a former queen, a pirate, a hand, and a blaze walk into a bar sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but no, that was the truth of the group entering The Moon Club in Las Nevadas. The lights were all a bright blue or a dim purple, flashing in time with the music. The whole palace already smelled like expensive alcohol, cheap body glitter and bad decisions. The sun had set long ago, and the starlight illuminated through the windows, giving the booths pressed against the wall a silvery glow.

“You guys made it!” Quackity waved. He pushed through the crowd, still holding hands with Etho as they met the group at the front gates. Quackity was wearing a golden floor length dress, with slits up his thighs, and a heart shaped window on the chest. “Glad you guys could come!”

“Always happy to be here, Quackity.” Eret hugged him with one arm, and curtsied when she let go. “Nice to see you again, Etho.”

“Hey Eret.” Etho gave a casual wave with their free hand.

“This is the fanciest I think I’ve ever seen you.” Martyn remarked, looking Etho up and down. “You look good.”

“Oh, stop.” Etho rubbed the back of their neck. They really did look good in the loose-fitting white blouse, tucked into gray skinny jeans. Their muddy snow boots were replaced with brand new heeled boots with golden buckles, and their plain, black face mask was replaced with a golden one, to match Quackity’s glass eye and dress. They hung off Quackity’s arm, happy to be arm candy for the night.

“Don’t be modest, man.” Quackity squeezed his hand. “You look great! And so do you guys! Go on to the bar, Foolish already knows drinks are on me.”

“Yes! Thanks Quackity, I owe ya one!” Puffy raced off to the bar, calling for Foolish to pour her a screwdriver through the sea of people she had to maneuver through. She was glad to spend any quality time with her son, even if it was over a bar counter, trying to hear each other through the endless music.

Both Niki and Jack joined all the people dancing, and at once all eyes were on them. Niki took Jack by the hands and dipped him, pulling him up only to spin him. Jack laughed over the cheers of the crowd, moving in tune with the rhythm. Niki let go of him and they both bowed, only for Jack to be the one to twirl her like a top. Dancing was a big part of blaze culture and had been something both of them bonded over when they arrived in L’manburg. Jack had taught Tubbo the intricate jumps, while Niki taught Tommy how to spin without getting dizzy. Watching them was a whirlwind of red, pink, yellow, and orange, like watching the colors of a rising campfire.

Martyn bowed to Red, offering up his hand. “May I have this dance, m’lord?”

Red smiled, taking both of Martyn’s hands in his. “Ye may.”

It might not have been the right dance for a club scene, but Martyn placed one hand on Red’s shoulder, and the other on his hips. Red wrapped one arm protectively around Martyn’s waist, and the other cupped his cheek, nails slightly scratching against his hair. In Red’s eyes, as they waltzed, it was just the two of them in the room. No other patrons, no Quackity, no one but them.

They were lost in the music.

And it was easier to get lost than you may think.

It’s easy for the familiar comforts of your home to turn to the twists and turns of the unknown. It’s easy for the streets you thought you knew like the back of your hand to morph into something you don’t recognize. It’s easy to soar high, high, so high in the sky that you don’t even remember where you were trying to fall.

It’s easy because it happens to so many people.

The crowds of people that live in the city that wasn’t meant to be didn’t arrive there on purpose. At least, most of them didn’t. They all had lives before the desert, but now they can’t imagine being anywhere else. The street lights that illuminate the sidewalks, the towering Needle, like a watchful eye. The hotels and apartment buildings were packed with self-made families, or lonely souls who wandered into the web by mistake.

The workers of Las Nevadas were lonely too. But Quackity had brought them to the desert and given them a purpose. They were no longer lost.

All lost things eventually turn up in Las Nevadas.

That’s just how it's come to be. That’s what they want.

That’s how he got here.

“Excuse me- pardon me- if you could just-” He pushed through the crowd, his tail nearly being stepped on more than once. He yelped as he was bumped into more people, and he hugged his guitar to his chest. “Geez, can’t a guy ask for directions here!” He squirmed and struggled until he reached the double doors of The Sun and staggered back out into the cool night air.

He sighed in relief, strapping his guitar against his back. He’d have to find somewhere to replace the strings, but it looked like he was in a city, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

“Geez, those people have no manners!” He huffed, stomping across the street to the club labeled The Moon. Maybe he’d have an easier time getting directions, or at least a hot meal there. His clothes were tattered and dirty, but against the blinding lights that had been on in The Sun, everyone had thought he was just wearing a very elaborate party costume. And the fox bartender had been too busy crying into a glass of rum to even notice him.

He’d put his guitar into his inventory, if he had any room. All his slots were filled with trinkets and keepsakes, since he didn’t have access to an enderchest. Spools of thread, loose flowers, cookie crumbs. Junk to everyone else, but treasures to him.

He double checked to make sure the sunflower in his hair was secure, then pushed the doors open.

It was similar to The Sun, just with different colors. Blue and purple were easier on the eyes than yellow and red, that was for sure. He squinted into the crowd, trying to find any familiar faces.

Once again everyone was dancing, but two people in particular made the ocean of people part just for them, as if by magic. Two fiery dancers, controlling the music, just for themselves. The girl was lifted up and tossed into the air, and when she landed, she pulled her partner into a dip. He fell to the floor gracefully before jumping back up and taking her hand. It was mesmerizing to watch, but he needed to find the friends he had lost.

He tried to squeeze through the crowd, but it was hard with the two dancers, who took up the entire dance floor with their flames. Whistles, whoops, and cheers overlapped with the music, the traditional dances of the Nether a surprising fit for the upbeat and nearly deafening pop music.

He tried to duck past without bumping into someone, once again going through the “pardon me, excuse me’ rigamarole. He finally leaned against the furthest wall away from the dancers as he could, slumping down to the dirty floor. He awkwardly took his guitar off his back, letting it rest beside him.

Opening his inventory, he pulled out a satchel of cookies that were barely the size of his thumbnail. He smiled down and pulled at the pink ribbon, popping one in his mouth. They were hard as rocks- well, pebbles, given the size- but the taste of nostalgia washed over him in the chaos.

“Hey man, what’re you doin’ down there?”

He looked up, coming face to face with a person with stark white hair, who was holding two plates of chili cheese fries. He laughed nervously. “Oh, ya know! Enjoying…floor time!”

They just laughed. “Yeah, I bet. You look like a wreck.”

“Yeah- yeah well, getting lost does that!” He huffed defensively.

The stranger sat next to him and offered up the plate. “Here you look like you need this more than Quackers.” The stranger nudged their head over to ‘Quackers’, who was tearing up the dance floor. “He might’ve had one too many strawberry mojitos. I might have to cut him off.”

He took the plate of fries and practically choked them down. He was starving and couldn’t even remember the last time he ate. He wiped the cheese off his cheeks. “You are a LIFESAVER, my dear friend! I’ve been famished for days! Weeks! Looking for my friends has taken so much out of me! I’m practically skin and bones!”

They just laughed. “I know what you mean. By the time I found Las Nevadas I was eating pine needles off trees and squirrels.”

He made a face at that.

“What? It tastes like chicken.” They shrugged.

“I’ll pass on the squirrel, thanks. Too close to rats.” He said. “Aren’t you gonna eat your fries?”

They shook their head. “If you saw me without my mask, I’d have to kill you.” They said, completely deadpan.

He gulped at the threat. “Duly noted! Can I at least have the name of the kind stranger who offered me a hot meal?”

“Etho. And you?”

He flashed a bright grin. “Oli The OrionSound, pleasure to make your acquaintance Mx. Slab!”

Etho shook his hand, which was now sticky with cheese. “Nice to meet you too, Oli. You said you were looking for your friends?”

“Oh yes! My dear sweet Sausage-”

“Aaaand I’m leaving-”

“Wh- that’s his name! Sausage, Jimmy, Lizzie, Scott, Martyn-”

Etho quirked a brow. “Martyn? Last name InTheLittleWood?”

Oli’s eyes went wide as saucers. “Yes! Yes, my sweet sweet Marty!”

“C’mon, I know where he is.” Etho pulled Oli to his feet. “Don’t forget your guitar, someone’ll draw a dick on it.”

Chapter Text

“Martyn’s right over there, at the bar.” Etho pointed towards the bar where Martyn was sitting with a sheep woman and a tall wolf man, conversing with another man who was coated in gold. Oli had come to the correct conclusion that this place was WEIRD. “I’m gonna go dance with Quackers.”

Oli beamed up at Etho. “Thank you very much, my dear friend!”

“No problem, see ya man.” Etho gave Oli a wave before jogging off, heading into the dance floor where they melted into the crowd, taking the hands of a man dressed in all glittering gold with wings to match. Even under the mask, Oli could tell that Etho had a bright smile on their face.

Oli swiveled around towards the bar and took a deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. The last time he had seen Martyn they both looked quite different, even if Oli had the same ringed rat tail and buck teeth. He still retained the splotches of purple from his original form, but his eyes were still deciding what they wanted to look like. Oli didn’t question these sorts of things anymore, he just rolled with the punches. From one world to the other, he went where he was needed.

And right now, he needed to be with-

“OH, MARTY IT’S BEEN OH SO LONG-”

“whAT IN THE-”

Martyn had been sitting at the bar with Puffy when he was tackled to the floor. He groaned as his head nearly thumped against the ground, tight arms squeezing around his torso.

“Marty, I never thought I’d see you again! Have you gotten taller? You have wings now! That’s- AYE AYE HANDS OFF THE MERCHANDISE!”

Oli had been picked up by the back of his still in tatters floral patterned shirt, and was held at eye level to Red. He growled at him, a smoke like dry ice coming from his maw, glaring daggers at Oli. “Who are ye, and why have ye laid yer paws on me hand?” He was dangling Oli off the floor, and Oli wasn’t exactly the tallest of men, so his legs kicked cartoonishly back and forth.

He laughed nervously. “Look mate I- Marty and I go way back! We’re old friends! Can ya maybe put me down- you are VERY tall-”

Puffy helped Martyn to his feet. “Everything good? Nothing broken?”

“No but I’ve probably got a massive bruise somewhere.” Martyn groaned as he grabbed Puffy’s arm to stand up. “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

“-I’m not saying that as a bad thing I happen to LIKE my men tall and beefy and who can toss me like a frisbee- please don’t throw me like a frisbee please I am but a poor lost lad!”

Red looked from Oli to Martyn. “Do ye know this groveling mouse?”

Oli let out an offended gasp. “EXCUSE YOU!? I am a RAT, my good sir! RAT!”

Now that Martyn was over being tackled, he stared at Oli in disbelief. The last he had seen him was…but that was impossible. How did he get here all the way from there?

“Oli?” He said, almost breathless, and not just from the wind being completely knocked out of him. His mouth went dry, and he just stared, dumbfounded. “M-M’lord put him down. Oli’s an old friend of mine.”

Red set Oli back down onto the floor. “Apologies to ye.”

“Hey uh, no worries, man!” Oli waved him off, laughing. “Not the worst I’ve been manhandled, and I’ll probably do something stupid later, so we’re even! Now I’ve gotta catch up with-!”

Oli was cut off by Martyn pulling him into a tight hug.

“It is. SO good to see you again.” Martyn mumbled into his shoulder, squeezing around his arms.

Oli melted into a smile of his own, squeezing back, and lifting Martyn off the ground with how tight he was hugging him. “It’s good to see ya too! Oh man it’s been AGES!”

“This is… strangely wholesome.” Puffy said, leaning against the bar. “Foolish, a drink for our friend over! Oli, was it? Whaddya like to drink?”

“Yes ma’am, Oli TheOrionSound, at your service! And I’ll just have a cup of whipped cream and those cute, candied cherries!” Oli let go of Martyn to bow, and then quickly stood up when he heard a tear. He moved his arm, and part of the sleeve had completely ripped, just dangling there. “That…isn’t great!”

Martyn couldn’t help but laugh. “Too bad Tommy left, we could’ve taken you to her and got you patched up. Lucky for you I still know a thing or two about sewing.” Martyn hoped back up onto the bar stool, Oli taking the seat next to him.

Foolish came over with the glass cup of sugar on sugar, sliding it over to Oli. “Are you sure you don’t want, I dunno, an actual drink?” Foolish asked. “It’s literally just whipped cream and cherries?”

Oli scooped up an entire spoonful of whipped and took a bite. “That’s the point!” He said, getting a ring of whipped cream around his lips. It dripped down his shirt, and he groaned. “Oh, come on!”

“Forget patching you up, you need a change of clothes.” Martyn said. He downed the vodka tonic he had been nursing and handed two diamonds to Foolish. Before Foolish could protest, Martyn was already pulling Oli to his feet. “C’mon, let’s get you to The Needle. M’lord, Puffy, if one of you sees Quackity, tell him I’m helping out a friend.”

“Of course, go help the guy. He looks homeless.” Puffy said, sneakily reaching for Oli’s cup of whipped cream as he got off the bar stool. But he swiped it just as she was about to grab it, deciding to take it to go. Puffy cursed under her breath, but just decided to order another cherry schnapps from Foolish. Even though she got drinks on the house for the friends and family discount, she still dropped a diamond and an emerald into the tip jar, which was nearly full from a night of serving people bad decisions in a bottle.

Oli slurped down the whole thing of whipped cream in one breath like a cartoon, setting the glass back onto the counter. “Man, that hit the spot.”

“...Dude what the fuck are you?”

“I’m on Oli!”

Red leaned down to Martyn and took his hand, pressing a chaste kiss to it. “Ye be safe now, aye?”

“Aye, m’lord.” Martyn took Red’s hand and kissed his knuckles, causing his tail to wag. Martyn chuckled and turned back to Oli. “C’mon, we’ll go out the employee exit.” Martyn and Oli linked arms.

“Lead the way, Marty!”

When they entered the kitchen, the music was immediately muffled, the sounds of ticking oven timers and simmering food being clearer than ‘Evacuate the Dancefloor’ blasting outside. Martyn gave them all a polite wave and hello and was even offered to taste test. Martyn let go of Martyn’s arm to bite off the fried and battered fish, and beamed, giving his approval. The chef smiled back, putting it into a basket with the chili cheese fries, calling that an order was ready.

Oli watched in awe. Everyone in the kitchen had the utmost respect for Martyn, and he seemed to know all of them well, by first names and nicknames even! Just how long had Martyn been in this strange, snowy desert?

Martyn wiped his hands on his pants. “Sorry about that, Oli. Luis is still new, but he’s really good at what he does. You should try his fried shrimp, fucking phenomenal.” Martyn offered his hand back up to Oli.

It was natural, Oli holding Martyn’s hand. Even if they both looked very, very different, Oli’s thumb still traced the same shapes around Martyn’s skin, and Martyn still squeezed his hand in two’s. Two squeezes now, two squeezes as they exited the club into the night.

Oli looked up at the sky, and his eyes widened in awe, just like when he had first washed up onto the beach of Las Nevadas. First, he thought he had died, and this was Mojang. Now, seeing all the multicolored sky, the broken moon, he knew this was better than any heaven Sarah could have sent him to. “This is-”

“Beautiful.” Martyn finished. “Welcome to the DreamSMP, my friend.”

“The DreamSMP… bit strange, but we’ve been to stranger worlds.” Oli followed Martyn along the sidewalks, shivering at the nippy breeze. The snow mixed in with the sand in between the two roads so that you couldn’t tell which was which, and Oli was just glad it was a clear night out.

“You could say that again.” Martyn let out a playful huff.

When Martyn pressed his employee card against the scanner, Oli sighed in relief at the immediate warmth that hit him as the double doors automatically opened. He practically leapt into the lobby. “Whoever runs this place sure likes their gold!”

“That’d be Quackity.” Martyn said, the doors shutting behind him. “He owns, runs, and governs over Las Nevadas. It’s his pride and joy, and I’ve gotta say, it’s mine too. We’ve had some issues- the casinos still aren’t up and running yet, but we’ll get there by the spring, at least we hope so. We’d like for them to open before school starts in April, so the parents have something to do.”

“Smart, smart- wait casino?”

Martyn laughed, already seeing the cartoon money signs in Oli’s eyes. “Easy there, Oli. Casinos aren’t even ready yet, the machines have no tokens in them yet. We’ve been so busy with other stuff, that stocking them just hasn’t been a priority. With Etho here maybe they'll get done soon, but I’m not holding my breath, not after the DISASTER on opening night, and especially not after we lost…” Martyn’s cheerful smile fell, but he picked it back up. “Never mind, you don’t wanna know all the nitty gritty details.”

“If I didn’t wanna know, I wouldn't have asked.” Oli said, jogging to enter the elevator with Martyn. He marveled at all the shiny buttons, and Martyn had to grab his wrist, so he didn’t press them all at once.

He fondly rolled his eyes, pressing the button for the first floor- the one all the way at the top of the needle. “We’ll get you some clothes, then we’ll get you some actual food.”

“If it’s as good as those cheesy fries that Etho gave me, I’ll have to eat you out of house and-PENTHOUSE!?” Oli exclaimed as the elevator pinged, and the doors slid open. He skipped into the lounge with wide eyes filled with wonder, his tail swaying behind him. “Marty, you’re loaded!”

Martyn laughed. “I wish. Gave all my diamonds to Quackity for emergency reserves. This is where everyone who works for Las Nevadas usually hangs out. Except for Quackity, he basically sleeps here. I- wait oh my Kristin does Quackity have a house?”

Oli flopped down on the couch, stretching out all his limbs like a starfish. “A guy could get used to this kinda cushy lifestyle!” He let out an exaggerated yawn, rolling over onto his stomach and kicking up his feet. “You hit the jackpot!”

“Eh, we’ve had our ups and downs.” Martyn rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m probably one of the few things keeping Quackity sane. You wait here, I’ll be right back with those clothes.” Martyn pressed his keycard against the elevator and waited for it to pop back up.

While Martyn headed down to the second floor, Oli was left to his own devices to explore. This place was much different than Afterlife, or the mansion he had learned to call home as a rat. He scurried out onto the balcony overlooking the entire city and took a breath of fresh air.

The Goddesses worked in mysterious ways, but when he asked to be reunited with his friends, this isn’t exactly what he had in mind. If Martyn was here, were the others? Sausage, Owen, Scott, Joel, Jimmy, Lizzie? Was this the same dimension, or another one, that didn’t have an Oli but needed one? He sighed, learning against the railing.

He knew he shouldn’t have trusted a deity.

Oli was lost in his thoughts for a while, just listening to the city’s hustle and bustle. He could still hear the music from the clubs making the streets pulse like a heartbeat, the stream of water from the fountain installed in the lounge, even the hum of a nether portal from somewhere. Oli was never really a good Listener, and he wasn’t all that observant either- Watching things was just so boring. He was much better at Telling stories.

Or more accurately singing them. His guitar was still strapped to his back, and he thought about taking it out. If he played, who would hear the words being carried on the wind? Maybe they’d reach Sausage- wherever he was.

That’s the thing about being a traveler like himself.

It was just so. Awfully.

Lonely.

“Sorry that took so long.” The elevator opened up, Martyn stepping out. “We’re not exactly the same size, so the closest I could get was Fundy’s…Oli?”

Oli turned to face Martyn, pink tears running down his face.

Martyn dropped the clothes and rushed over, pulling Oli into another hug. Oli leaned down and buried his face in Martyn’s shoulders, letting out a silent sob. His whole body shuddered, and Martyn pulled them both to the floor, so that Oli’s knees wouldn’t buckle beneath him. Oli kept a death grip on his jacket, and Martyn just let him cry it out.

He understood. Out of everyone on this server, he understood just how unbearably lonely it was. How it felt to get attached to people, and then lose them all over again. Martyn, to this day, still wakes up in the middle of the night begging not to leave. Even though he knows he's safe here.

They want him here, after all.

“Martyn…”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I should have looked for you after-”

“Are the others here?” Oli cut off his apologies. “Scott? Lizzie? Jimmy? The ones- the ones from- Shelby? Is Shelby here?”

Martyn’s face fell. “They- they are. Well, not here-here. Not on the DreamSMP, but here, as in, this dimension, yes. It’s just- where have you been Oli? After we were…ya know…?”

“Rats?” Oli said with a sad, watery laugh. “I- Afterlife. It was called Afterlife. Lizzie, Shelby, Scott, and Jimmy were there too but- but they were different. Other versions of them. And I met the most AMAZING guy!” Oli gave a dreamy sigh, and then his smile fell. “But he’s gone now. And I-I tried to find him I did! But-”

“You wound up here.” Martyn finished his sentence for him, knowing his own story parroted back to him all too well.

Oli sniffled, wiping his eyes of the pastel pink tears. His eyes finally settled on a color. The exact same shade of pink. “I’m- shit Martyn it is so good to see a friendly face.”

Martyn cracked a smile, hugging him tighter. “Of course, Oli. I’m happy to see you too, really. It’s been crazy around here; I’ll catch you up in the morning. We can go to the museum.”

“A museum- how fancy!”

Martyn laughed at the posh accent Oli pretended to put on. “We’ve come a long way; I can tell you that much. Can you stand?”

“I- yeah. Yeah, thanks Marty.”

“Of course, old friend.” Martyn helped Oli up to his feet. Oli stumbled a bit, Martyn easily catching him. “Easy there now, easy!”

“I think my legs went numb.” Oli said, point blank.

“Obviously, you’re wearing rags.”

“This is a desert! Why is it snowing in the desert?!”

“Fake desert.”

“Fake desert!? Who the hell builds a fake-” Oli was interrupted by a pile of clothes being tossed directly at his face. “Ack! Okay, okay, I get the hint.” Oli set the clothes down on the table and started to strip.

Martyn’s ears turned red, and he turned around. “You could’ve done that in the office ya know!”

“We’ve been friends for- I don’t even know how long! You know what my bits look like, I know what your bits look like!” Oli shucked off his torn jean shorts, his ripped and dirty button up, and his white tank top on its last legs. He was left only in his flip flops and heart print boxers, which he kicked off so he could get dressed properly.

"Oli, I don't wanna hear about your bits."

He pulled on the tight black pants, tucking in the white button up. He buckled the golden belt and buttoned on the orange waistcoat. He sat down to put on the socks and brown dress shoes, which were just a little too big for him. Oli stood up, brushing himself off. “You can look now, prude.”

Martyn turned around with a huff. “I am not a- woah! Hey, lookin’ sharp.”

Oli beamed. All he needed was a shower, and honestly, he’d be ready to go! “Thanks! Now uh, where am I gonna stay?”

“I can either set you up in the motel, you can stay with me at Renchanting, free housing at Snowchester-”

“So my options are open, and I won’t be sleeping on a bench!”

Martyn just rolled his eyes. “Let’s go back to the club and get you some food. Then you can meet Quackity, and we can go from there.” He offered up his hand again, giving Oli the reassuring smile he needed.

“We’re not going anywhere, Oli.”

Chapter Text

‘As the Winter approaches, a sickness has taken the village by storm. We have had to dig four impromptu graves in the past week, two of them for infants. I was the one who had to dig them, who had to console the mother who had just lost her sons. As I stared into the graves, I swore, there was a flicker of a…something there. I don’t believe this Sight is so strong that I have gained the ability to see the dead from the other side, but at least they finally looked peaceful after the days of suffering from fever.

The burdens of a leader are heavy and cumbersome. Without my brother by my side, I am left to the duty of decision making and the settling of matters made to be handled by four hands instead of two. My Sight can only go so far, and even though I have The Goddess on my side, time is not. I fear if we do not track down the cure to this ailment that my whole village will have dropped like flies before Winter, which is always the worst time for us.

If I knew where my brother was, I would write him. I would beg and plead with him to come home, tell him that I cannot do this alone. But I do not know where he resides. He’s sent me a few postcards- snap shots of the places he’s been. He has seen snow, coating an island in the sky like powdered sugar. And it seems he has found himself a companion, in the Nether. Of all the places!

I often find myself wondering what he would do if he was here. As little as he liked it, he was a natural at being a leader. The people here listened to him, even if there were moments when I did not, usually when we were children. I would sneak a sweet behind my mother’s back while he kept watch, complaining the whole time, and eventually getting us caught. Though my rule breaking was small and petty, I never strayed too far from the path I had assumed was laid out in front of me. I knew where I belonged.

I hope my brother finds where he belongs.

As I am wishing him all the best, my people are dying. I need to think. What could possibly cure such a deathly fever? Who could I possibly go to tha-

I apologize for the sudden pause. The Goddess has decided to have a word with me. I assumed I would be scolded, but she just gave me a message. One that I do not look forward to relaying to my people. One that makes me shudder and sweat. I hope there is another way. I pray that I do not have to…

That I do not have to go to the ocean. - P. R’

As the fairies of House Blossom were busy getting ready for the change of seasons, the Emperors had all decided their meeting place for the day would be in the Ocean Empire. It was a near unanimous decision, the only opposition being from Joey. He still held a grudge from when Lizzie had kidnapped his baby brother, despite the fact he had kidnapped her axolotl first! But the Emperors ignored Joey’s request, deciding that the Ocean Empire was the best place for the first Emperor’s Meeting since Gem and Pearl had returned.

Lizzie was getting her throne room all ready. A large white banquet table sat in the middle, filled with cakes, cookies, macaroons, and all sorts of different teas. There were 12 thrones for the 12 Emperors, and an extra throne that had been made last click, set between Jimmy and Pearl. It was for Tommy, so the flag of a country called L’manburg was carved into the back. Just like Pearl’s it was wooden with plush arm rests, and like Jimmy’s, water lilies were weaved into the splinters of the wood. Lizzie thought it was rather nice, for being so last click.

The first to arrive, as always, was Joel. He landed with a small tumble, his crown jostling on his head. He laughed; cheeks pink as he looked up at Lizzie. “Hello love, am I late?”

Lizzie giggled and kneeled down to press a kiss to his cheek. “Actually, you’re quite early!” She wiped a splotch of paint off his sash. “In the studio?”

“You know me, always working.” Joel chuckled. He took his seat beside Lizzie, and beamed, seeing the plate of biscuits in front of him. He took one to split in half and reached for the jam.

“How’s Indigo?” Lizzie asked, chin in her hand. “I’ve been meaning to come visit for tea, but I’ve always got SOMETHING to do.” She gave an exasperated sigh.

Joel swallowed the bite he was chewing, crumbs already around his mouth. “Oh, mum’s great. Still kicks my ass at cards, still is keeping the local duck population nice and fed, still has that bloomin’ bird.”

Lizzie laughs. “I don’t know what you have against that Phoenix.”

“She HATES me. I haven’t done a thing to her, and she hates me!” Joel angrily chewed on his biscuit with a huff. “I think she’s out to get me. I’m gonna wake up one morning with my eyes plucked outta my skull, I just know it.”

“C’mon, have some faith in your mum.”

“I have plenty of faith in my mum! I have absolutely no faith in that bird.”

Lizzie was so busy laughing at Joel that she didn’t even notice when another emperor arrived until he cleared his throat. Her head perked up, and she waved. “Hello Scott!”

“Morning Lizzie, morning Joel.” Scott sat on his golden throne; one leg crossed over the other. He tried to act all serious, but his ears perked up when he spotted blueberry tea. “May I-?”

“Help yourself! I had the chefs prepare only the finest!”

“Thank you, Lizzie.” A smile played on Scott’s face as he picked up the teapot, pouring the bright blue drink into the golden teacup that matched his ornate throne. “Speaking of tea, Joel, tell Indigo I’ve shipped her sweet berry tea. Should be there any day now.”

“I’m starting to think you all like my mum better than me.” Joel pretended to huff, even if he was smiling too. He was proud to have a mum who had been such a good queen. It hadn’t been long since he became king, but he wore his family’s legacy with honor. Indigo hadn’t stepped down out of tragedy, but because she knew Joel was ready. Unlike Joey, Scott, and Gem, who had all become leaders before they were mentally ready. Joel had the lessons, and the time to prepare, and then the biggest coronation since Scott’s 200 years ago.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Scott said, his voice dripping with playful sarcasm.

Joel rolled his eyes. “Look fella if you like my mum more than me, you can start sending her Hearth’s Warming cards.”

“I already do.”

Lizzie laughed at the surprised look on Joel’s face. “I send her cards too, Joel.”

“You’re her daughter in law, I’d bloomin’ hope you send my mum holiday cards.” Joel finished off his biscuit, wiping the edges of his mouth with a cloth napkin.

“What’s this about Indigo?” Pix had landed without anybody noticing, and promptly took his seat at the head, where it was typically agreed he’d sit. He beamed, reaching for the strawberry sponge cake. “I hope we’re still on for chess over the weekend.”

“Wh-! Why is everyone visiting my mum!” Joel exclaimed. “She’s my mum!”

“Maybe you should visit her more.” Scott said with a teasing smirk.

“I visit her nearly every day!”

Pix, Scott, and Lizzie all laughed good naturedly at Joel. This was the calmest Emperor’s meeting since…well since before Jimmy and Pearl had vanished from Empires. Most meetings after that had been filled with infighting, so much so barely anything had gotten done. There had been a meeting that had gotten so out of hand- where Joey pointed the finger at Gem about the Emperor’s disappearance- that fWhip put an embargo on any export from the Grimlands. To every Empire. Pix and Sausage eventually talked him into repealing it, but that embargo had lasted six and a half months. That embargo had been the straw that broke the llama’s back and sent the citizens of the Cod Empire and Gilded Hilenthia to other lands.

Hopefully this meeting wouldn’t be as disastrous.

The next to land in the throne room was Shrub, who looked, to put it generously, messy. Her hair was filled with leaves and twigs, her clothes were covered in dirt, and even her signature mushroom hat looked more wilted than it had been the last time they all had seen her. “Sorry I’m late!” She chirped, skipping to her seat.

“Shrub! My goodness, what happened?” Pix asked, concerned.

“Hm? Nothing really, just ya know, the woods.” She shrugged. She heaved herself up onto the seat, her legs dangling. Thankfully it was pushed close to the table, so she could reach her favorite cherry macaroons and fizzing grape tea from Rivendell.

“Maybe you should’ve taken a shower first?” Joel said, only for Lizzie to thump him. “Oi! What was that for!?”

“That was for being rude.” She said, “Bit of dirt never killed anyone!”

“Thank you, Lizzie!” Shrub beamed. “Oh man, that's a good dessert. You don’t get deserts in the woods. Lotta rat carcasses, not a lot of deserts.”

“And my appetite has been thoroughly repressed.” Scott said, setting his teacup and saucer down, nose wrinkled in disgust at the thought of feasting on rat carcasses. He might’ve had the elytra of an owl, but he certainly didn’t have the appetite of one!

Shrub popped macaroons into her mouth like they were candies, her tail swishing behind her. Nobody seemed to notice her newfound tail, or her sharpened canines for that matter. That was good. She really didn’t feel like explaining all that to everyone.

Katherine soared into the throne room very suddenly, her hair tied up in two messy braids, but that was the only indication she had been rushing to get here. She brushed nonexistent dirt off her dress and scurried to her seat. “So sorry to keep everyone waiting! We’ve been so busy, getting all the Empires ready for spring! We had such a late start in March, we might have to extend it a bit into June!”

“That’s alright Katherine.” Pix said with a kind smile. “You can bring that up during the meeting. I’m sure everyone will understand spring being a little bit off schedule.”

Katherine was very obviously frazzled, taking a hand fan from her pocket and fanning herself. She noticed Shrub staring at her, and snapped her fan shut, drawing it across her cheek. Shrub became so red that she pulled her hat down to cover her face.

Gem was the next to arrive on her staff, landing on the prismarine tile and pushing her bangs away from her face. “Good morning, everyone!” She waved, heading over to her mahogany seat. “Did I miss anything?”

“No, we’re still waiting on five more Emperors, and Pearl’s...guest?” Scott said, looking at Pix for confirmation.

“Her sister.” Pix corrected.

Shrub’s brow furrowed under her hat. “Pearl has a sister?”

“Yeah, and she’s a nightmare.” Joel huffed.

“Heard you talking shit, bitch.”

“WHAT THE HELL-” Joel was so startled by Tommy suddenly appearing behind him that he completely fell off of his chair. He groaned, his crown falling off of his head. “Is your goal in life to make mine miserable? Is that what’s happening here?”

“Nah, it's just fun.” Tommy laughed. She had dressed for the occasion, the Red King’s crown on her head, his cloak around her shoulders, and wearing a dress nearly identical to Pearl’s, except instead of sunflower embellishments, she opted for yellow roses. They just felt…familiar. Like she was supposed to know what they meant.

Pearl laughed with her, circling around to her seat. “Sorry if we’re late. There was an incident at the Hilenthia.”

“Oh no! Is everything alright?” Lizzie asked worriedly.

“Bin chicken got in the house.” Pearl said, cutting herself a piece of glow berry pie with chocolate drizzle.

Tommy huffed, plopping into her seat with her arms crossed. “I thought it was just gonna be a regular fucking chicken! No, it's the pigeon from HELL.”

“I told you they’re cheeky buggers!”

“They’re demons is what they are.” Tommy would be pouting, if her eyes didn’t immediately lock- “Is that cherry pie?”

“Oh yeah!” Lizzie beamed. “Jimmy actually helped make that one! He said you’d like it, the carrot cake too!”

“Oh, Jim you fucking saint-” Tommy piled her plate high with cherry pie, carrot cake, and orange scones. She hadn’t had cherries or oranges since L’manburg, before Doomsday. She missed the taste, and when she took a bite, she could’ve honestly cried. When Jimmy got here, she’d have to thank him, and beg him to make more, since it was probably going to be gone within the hour.

Tommy’s good mood was immediately ruined by fWhip entering the room.

“You.” Tommy glared daggers at him.

fWhip put his hands up in defense. “I didn’t even do anything yet!”

“I saw all that fucking smoke from you Empire!” Tommy exclaimed, jumping to her feet. “Who do you think you are, polluting like that!?”

“Woah, easy there Tommy.” Pearl grabbed her by the scruff, pulling her back down into her seat. “You can tear him a new one later, we gotta at least wait for everyone to arrive.”

Tommy glared at fWhip from across the room, running a thumb across her neck. “Your ass is grass, deer boy.”

fWhip, who was at least a couple inches taller than Tommy, was hiding behind Gem, essentially using her as a human shield. “Pearl has your sister had her shots yet.”

“Oh I’ll show you a shot- I’ll shot you right in the mouth bitch!” Tommy would’ve lunged if not for Pearl shifting from holding her by the scruff to holding her by the underarms. “Let me at ‘im!”

Joel was already digging for his wallet. “I’ve got ten diamonds on Tommy, who wants in on this bet.”

“Eh, five on fWhip, pity diamonds.” Scott said, reaching into his purse.

“What the hell!?” fWhip exclaimed.

“Sorry fella, but Tommy’s got Pearl genes in her, chances of her beating your ass are pretty high.” Joel pushed his diamonds into the center of the table.

“That’s the smartest thing you’ve said since we’ve met!” Tommy seemed to have a quip for everything, and when a chocolate chip cookie was thrown at her, she caught it with her mouth.

Joel sat back down. “I’ll ask my mum to carve your coffin, fWhip.”

“I repeat- what the hell guys?! Gem, Gem you have faith in me, right?”

Gem let out a whistle.

“My own sister!”

“Tommy bites!”

“It’s true, I do bite.” Tommy said, but her mouth was filled with cookie, so it came out muffled, with cookie crumbs spraying everywhere. Pearl dropped her back into her seat, and Tommy placed the rest of the half-eaten cookie onto her plate.

“I’ve come at a fantastic time.” Jimmy said. He was dripping in salt water, having swam from his Empire to Lizzie’s. Each footstep left a puddle on the floor, and when he sat down his boots made a squelching sound, filled with water. “What’ve I missed?”

“Jimmy who’d win, fWhip or Tommy?” Katherine asked.

“Easy, Tommy, she bites.”

“Thank you!” Tommy exclaimed. “Jimmy, Jimothy, Timmy, Big Man Jim, you have always been my favorite.”

Pix laughed at everyone’s antics. “Before this gets out of hand, Jimmy, I can’t help but notice something.” He gestured to Jimmy’s head.

Joel practically leapt from his seat. “They gave it back!” He exclaimed, rushing over to hug his brother-in-law. “They gave your Codfather head back!”

Jimmy laughed, wrapping his arms around Joel. “They gave it back! I couldn’t believe it either!”

“Jimmy, that's amazing!” Lizzie cheered, clapping and then pulling both Jimmy and Joel into a tight hug. “When’d you get it back!”

“Just yesterday! I was just doing some fishing and I got summoned! It was so- it was bizarre! I got it back! I never thought I’d see this again!” Jimmy was honestly so, so unbelievably happy. But he didn’t mention how he had blown up at the Cod Council, to the point he told them to never return to his land again. They were banished. After everything Jimmy had gone through, what authority did they have to judge him, and others like him? They weren’t Cod. They were leeches. Jimmy was more than his Codfather Head, but getting it back felt bittersweet until it finally sunk in. That he was really home.

“Congratulations Jimmy.” Scott gave him a gentle smile, raising his teacup in a toast. Katherine, Shrub, Pearl, Gem, fWhip and Pix all did the same, Joel and Lizzie too busy hugging him.

Jimmy smiled back. “Thanks Scott, I- oof!”

Jimmy was nearly barreled over by a hug from Tommy.

“Those fuckers should’ve never taken it in the first place.” Tommy said. “But I’m glad you’ve got it now.”

Jimmy hugged back, squeezing her. “Thank you, Tommy. It’s gonna get some getting used to, like being back on Empires.” He let go of the hug to sit back down, and Tommy moved her throne closer to his.

“I think you’re adjusting just fine.” Pix said. “You, Pearl, and Gem.”

“Aw Pix, stop it.” Pearl waved him off.

Gem beamed. “Thanks Pix. I’m really trying to get back in the groove of things. The spring semester just started, so I’ve got a lot of work to do. Papers to grade, midterms to write up, school supplies to buy. I can’t just hand stuff off to Roz every time I leave for Hermitcraft, they’ll have a breakdown!”

fWhip put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, take a deep breath. I say we start the meeting and get to discussing what can be done to help all of you adjust.”

“Start? Without us? How rude!"

All heads turned to where Joey and Sausage were standing. Joey’s wings had visible stitches from where he had been injured, and Sausage’s armor had a layer of rust to it since the last time he had seen Pearl. Sausage opened his mouth to say something, but Pearl just turned her head.

Tommy reached for her hand and squeezed it. She wasn’t going to let these bastards anywhere near her sister. She’d bite, kick, punch, and even draw her blade if she had to. She knew it was a good idea to pull Sweet Revenge from the spot in her enderchest.

Joey sauntered over to his seat, crossing one leg over the other, and keeping his hands folded into his lap with a smug smirk on his face.

Sausage, who usually sat between Pearl and fWhip, sat beside Joey. His sword rested on his hip, and his armor creaked as he reached for a slice of chocolate cake and a cup of lemon tea.

fWhip sighed, pulling out his tablet. “Alright, let's take roll.”

Chapter Text

fWhip sighed, pulling out his tablet. “Alright, let’s take roll. I’m obviously here, so, check.” fWhip clicked his stylus, and then checked off the box with his name. It flashed red and disappeared from the checklist. “Gem?”

“Present.” Gem said, raising her hand. When Sausage and Joey had entered, she had visibly tensed up, her hands curling back on her lap. Sausage used to be her friend, she hated acting like this. She couldn’t look into his eyes. She couldn’t look at him.

“Jimmy?”

“Right here.” Jimmy did a little wave, and fWhip waved back out of politeness. They might have been rivals in the past, but that was no reason not to be civil to each other now.

“Joel?”

“Present.” Joel said, sitting up straight. He had his hand hovering over his inventory, just in case he had to wield his rapier. It wouldn’t be the first meeting that dissolved into violence, even if meeting places were meant to be neutral ground. His eyes darted around, taking note of the axolotl guards guarding Lizzie’s throne, the only sound being the bubbling from their water tanks, and his own erratic heartbeat.

“Joey?”

“Right here!” Joey called, waving and wiggling his fingers. His chin was propped up with his hand, and after he waved, he reached for the chocolate biscotti. Just because everyone seemed to hate him here, doesn’t mean he wasn’t going to enjoy the free food!

“Katherine?”

“Here fWhip!” Katherine’s hand shot up, and she giggled when she nearly knocked off her tiara. All the bracelets up and down her arms made her jingle like a bell.

“Lizzie?”

“Present and accounted for.” Lizzie said, hands folded over her lap. As soon as Joey and Sausage had entered the room she lost her appetite, the cherry tart on her plate now tasting sour.

“Pearl?”

Pearl looked up from her glowberry pie. “I’m here!” She said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Tommy snickered at her, and she rolled her eyes, flicking Tommy in the arm.

“Pix?”

“I’m here, fWhip.” Pix hoped this meeting would be civil. There was too much to discuss for it not to be. With the DreamSMP portals opened, Pix, Gem, and Pearl thought it’d be a good idea to establish trade and send over aid. That’d never be brought up however, if Joey or Sausage brought up the demon.

“Sausage?”

“Here.” Sausage said simply, picking at his chocolate cake. It didn’t taste sweet anymore. Not when his friends were walking on eggshells around him. It felt like they had been children just yesterday, running around after school and having sleepovers in their treehouse. What had happened?

“Scott?”

“Present.” Scott kept a neutral expression on his face despite the storm brewing in his heart. It was because of his brother that discord had been sown among the emperors in the first place. It was Xornoth’s fault for the chaos, and the corruption. Scott had been burdening that responsibility since his coronation. It was because of Xornoth that Scott had even been crowned in the first place- Xornoth’s turn to Exor driving his parents to commit suicide. He had to focus though.

“Shrub?”

“Here! I’m here today!” Shrub chirped, raising her hand. She hadn’t been at the last three Emperors meeting, having been spending her time in and out of the woods and the Nether. She was looking for…she had been looking for so long, she must’ve forgotten what she was looking for. All she knew was she sprouted wolf ears and a tail after she had wandered too far into the fog. Something about the fog…

“And Tommy?”

“Here to support my sister and as Jimmy’s BEST FRIEND.” Tommy said, making direct eye contact with Joel.

“This again!” Joel threw his hands up in the air. “When Jimmy’s the best man at your bloomin’ wedding, then you can call him your best friend, yeah? Till then, he’s mine!”

“When Jimmy fights beside you in a WAR, in the TRENCHES, then YOU can call him YOUR best friend!” Tommy would’ve shot out of her seat if Pearl wasn’t holding her by the scruff like it was a child leash. “Let me at ‘im Pearl!”

“No can do.” Pearl said. “Keep your butt in that chair till the end of the meeting or we’re gonna have problems- that means you too, Joel! I’m all for a good fight, but neutral ground, remember!”

Joel sunk back into his seat with a grumble, arms folding across his chest.

Tommy had a similar pout, shoving her hands into the pockets of her dress.

fWhip sighed, already exhausted by the meeting, and it had only just started. “Alright, let’s check the to-do list.” fWhip pulled the list up, and it displayed itself in the air, a flickering hologram above all the Emperors. “First on the agenda. Gem, Pearl, Jimmy. How’re you all adjusting? Any immediate problems that need addressing?”

“Oh gosh, where do I begin?” Gem laughed, shaking her head. “The spring semester just started, which means I have to draft up midterms, get them approved by the council, and then rewrite them so I can send them out to all the teachers.”

“I can supply you with any ink you might need.” Lizzie volunteered with the raise of her hand.

“That’d be wonderful, thanks Lizzie.”

“And I can make all the copies you need.” Joel chimed in. “We’ve got a massive copy machine in the palace, for replicating royal portraits and such. I’m sure it can handle a few thousand midterm papers. And it’s quicker than magic.”

“I’d be offended by that if I wasn’t so grateful.” Gem sighed in relief, a hand over her heart. She reached for her tea and took a sip, the strawberry and lavender flavor calming her nerves instantly.

fWhip flashed a smile at Gem. “The Grimlands is happy to supply you with school supplies for your students. What do you need?”

“I’ll write you a list after the meeting.” Gem said. “If I went through everything it’d take up the whole meeting.”

“Noted.” fWhip gave a nod. “Pearl? Jimmy? Any concerns we could help with?”

Pearl groaned, tossing her head back. “Half my crops are still flooded, houses still need to be repaired, and we’ve got an overpopulation problem with a lot of the animals. I can’t just air drop them somewhere else, I dunno if emus can survive anywhere else but the Hilenthia!”

Tommy pat her arm. “Yeah, it was kind of a shit show.”

“Thank you, Tommy, very helpful.”

“Happy to help!” Tommy teased. Then she thought back to how they dealt with crop flooding back in L’manburg. There had been a spring where they got so much rain that the horse stable and villager hall was filled with nearly six inches of water! “Have you tried uh? Oh fuck- that thing. The thing where you put water UNDER a block so it doesn’t overflow? That thing Grian used to always be on my case about?”

Pearl turned to Tommy. “You mean water logging?”

“That’s the bitch!”

“That might actually work.” Jimmy said. “Like when we got that freak rain season?”

“Exactly like that!” Tommy exclaimed. “I mean, once we realized we couldn’t just put the water in a bucket and chuck it somewhere else. Grian was like, ‘hey hey Wilbur what about water logging’- I thought he said waterBOARDING and thought that conversation was going to in a very different direction but-”

“You can stop talking now.” fWhip said plainly.

“Drop dead deer boy.”

fWhip turned to Gem. “Gem, I'm being bullied by a toddler.”

Gem shrugged. “Maybe be less bully-able. Cope.”

“Gem!”

Tommy practically cackled, and of course Jimmy had to laugh alongside her. After years of rivalry, Jimmy was allowed to enjoy Tommy ribbing on him! He deserved it!

Even Joel and Lizzie were laughing. “Oh Tommy, you’re killing me mate.” Joel laughed, wiping his eyes of springing tears.

“That’s me, Tommy-Anne, comedy extraordinaire.” She put on a fancy accent for the word ‘extraordinaire’. “But we still gotta figure out what to do with the animals. I mean I’m willing to bring a few over to Hermitcraft if you need me to.”

Pearl laughed. “Tommy, I think Xisuma would drop dead of a heart attack if he saw a Tasmanian devil running around the shopping district.”

“That weird gopher dog?”

“I- yes, Tommy. That ‘weird gopher dog’.”

“Good. I’ll become the next admin of Hermitcraft and let nature reclaim the shopping district.” Tommy said, hands on her hips.

Gem was giggling at all of this. “Pretty sure if Xisuma kicks the bucket that Doc gets Hermitcraft. Or Wels. Maybe Etho, but my money’s on Doc.”

“Even better! I can just make it look like an accident and take over Hermitcraft as next of kin, or whatever.”

Pix was trying so hard to keep his composure, but he practically doubled over in laughter. “I can tell you; the line of succession is Xisuma, Wels, Doc, Me, Etho, and if things really go to hell in a handbasket, Techno and Phil.”

“WH- TECHNO AND PHIL!? They’re not even Hermits!” Tommy exclaimed.

“No, but they're old friends with myself, Wels, and Xisuma. So, if anything happened to us, Xisuma trusts they’d know how to run Hermitcraft.”

Tommy rolls her eyes. “I’d barely trust ‘em to run a bed and breakfast.”

“Can we get back on topic?” Joey groaned. “I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to. I have important matters to attend to!” He pretended to check his nails, despite wearing gloves.

Shrub shot him a glare. “You don’t have to be here, ya know. If you don’t like how we run things, you can leave. It’d probably be better if you did.”

Joey’s feathers ruffled and he snarled at her. “Watch it. I can easily make your life a living hell.”

“Your demon boyfriend already has.” Angry tears sprung in her eyes, and a growl escaped the back of her throat.

Katherine put her arm out in front of Shrub, keeping Shrub from launching herself at Joey, and keeping Joey from making any attack on Shrub. “Let’s all just stay calm.” She said, “There’s no reason for any of this to end violently, alright?”

Sausage put a hand on Joey’s shoulder. “She’s right, we shouldn’t start anything we can’t finish.” Truth be told, he didn’t want to fight his former friends. Shrub hadn’t done anything to him, why should he go after her?

Joey scoffed, pulling his arm away from Sausage. “Fine. We’ll have plenty of time to make her pay later.”

“Is that a threat, Graceffa?” fWhip said, reaching for his grappling hook weapon.

“Oh, you’d know if I was threatening you, fWhip.” Joey settled back into his seat.

“You keep your fucking mouth, you bastard.” Tommy snapped at him. All the other Emperors stared at her sudden outburst. “I’ve dealt with assholes like you before, and I’m fucking sick of it. Either get out, or stop being such a fucking prick.”

Joey leapt to his feet with his spear drawn. “Why you-”

“Guards!” Lizzie shouted. Before anyone could react, two axolotl guards with tridents three times their size stood on either side of her. She glared at Joey, an angry trill coming out of the back of her throat. “Are you going to act like an adult, or should I have you thrown out? I’ll do it, I’ll have you banned from my Empire completely. But that’d leave your people without resources. You pick, Joey. Your people, or your pride?”

“You’re bluffing!”

“You know damn well I don’t bluff.”

Joey was practically seething, and the only reason he sat back down was because the whisper of Xornoth in his ear told him to hold his damn tongue. He settled in his seat but didn’t put his spear away. He rested it against his throne, right beside Sausage, who was looking more uncomfortable by the tick.

The air became so thick you could slice it clean through with a sword. The only indication the room hadn’t gone completely still was Pearl and Jimmy each having a hand on Tommy’s chair so she wouldn’t lunge at Joey and Sausage. It was one thing for Joey to attack one of them, but if he went after Tommy, all bets were off. Pearl even had her scythe out, the glimmering golden blade reflecting onto the table, creating miniature light shows in the cups of tea.

Pix broke the silence, clearing his throat. “Jimmy? Did you have anything to add? Any problems with your Empire?”

Jimmy had already taken his trident out, and was clutching it in his free hand, which was trembling. As soon as Joey started threatening Shrub and then Tommy, all Jimmy could see was Dream. You could take the Warden out of the prison, but you couldn’t take the prison out of the Warden. He gulped down his nerves. “Not at the moment, no. Thanks to Lizzie and Joel things have been running smoothly, and most of my citizens have come home. We’re building new houses to replace the ones that had to be torn down because of the mold and repaving the roads. I guess I could use more help with my crops, we have a lot of mouths to feed.”

“I’d be happy to help!” Katherine piped up. Anything to ease the tension. She turned her head from Joey to Jimmy, still keeping her arm in front of Shrub. “I can send a few of my people over to give your crops a little boost, and then I’ll come over if I have time and help prepare them for your people to eat.”

Jimmy flashed Katherine a grateful smile. “That’d be really appreciated, thank you. We’ve been doing communal meals around the church. Not many really have been praying, so we’re thinking of turning it into a dining hall.” He looked at Tommy, who smiled back at him.

“I like that, actually!” Gem said, clapping her hands together. “It’s like mealtimes at the school! I could send some of my staff over after midterms- during the tests there’s gonna be a lot of hungry mouths to feed, especially the seniors.”

“Thanks Gem, that’s nice of you.” Jimmy felt more at ease now that they were talking about helping each other out, instead of being at each other's throats.

“I could help too.” Scott said. He had been silent this whole time, not wanting to make anything worse. When Joey had snapped at Shrub, a layer of ice had coated the bottom of his chair where his boots were planted firmly on the ground. He hoped nobody noticed the frost coating his fingertips. “I have plenty of people who’d be willing to come over and help.”

“I- Thanks, Scott. I ‘ppreciate it.”

Scott gave a sad smile. “Anything for you, Jimmy.”

Jimmy felt a twisting in his heart. He opened his mouth to say something to Scott.

“Is there anything else before we wrap up?” fWhip said. “I think we’ve all had enough excitement for one day.”

Gem raised her hand, then stood up. “Actually, Pix, Pearl, Jimmy and I were thinking. The DreamSMP portal has opened up. Pearl and Jimmy are the most familiar with the DreamSMP, but I was thinking we offer up our services. Get in contact with King Eret, Quackity, The Red King, Technoblade, and Kinoko Kingdom. They have a schoolhouse opening up in April- which is June for us. I’m sending some of my professors over before summer break with supplies and lesson plans, anything that could help.”

“You should get in contact with Puffy or Martyn.” Pearl said. “They’ll relay the message to the Doomsday Relief Housing Services. They’ll be able to put together care parcels, meal plans, whatever you guys can give.”

Tommy nods in agreement. “I remember after Doomsday when Skyblock was giving us a buncha shit. They gave us a bunch of clothes that we couldn’t use because they weren’t WORK clothes. We’re not like you guys who can just do shit in high heels in fancy dresses. If you’re going to donate any clothes or shoes, make sure they’re durable, easy to clean, and easy to work in.”

fWhip was awestruck, and so were the other Emperors, who had barely a clue about the DreamSMP. They knew that’s where Pearl and Jimmy had been for two years. That Gem and Pix somehow knew a great deal about it. And that Tommy had grown up there- she lived and died there. It was still jarring. Hearing Tommy speak like a leader instead of like a child. For all her crassness, she knew the ins and outs of politics, and was able to keep up. fWhip could honestly see Pearl entrusting the Gilded Hilenthia to her one day.

Surprisingly, Joel was the first to speak. “Tell me what they need, and Mezaelea will provide it.” He said. He smiled at Jimmy. “That place obviously means the world to you, and to Grian. I’d be kind of a dick if I didn’t help.”

“I’ll help too.” Scott said. “From what I’ve heard, the DreamSMP needs as much help as it can get. I can send over blankets, any tools they might need, and sheep for livestock. Aeor knows I’ve got plenty.”

fWhip beamed. “Alright, alright. Everyone who wants to help out the DreamSMP, raise your hand.

Everyone raised their hands. Joey and Sausage included.

“Alright! Looks like we’ve got our work cut out for us!” fWhip said, letting out a low whistle. “We’ll contact the uh- what was it again?”

“Doomsday Relief Housing Services.” Jimmy said.

“Yes, them, next meeting. I think this is a safe place to wrap up the meeting.” fWhip stood up, tablet under his arms. “Just PM me a list of what you’re planning on donating, and Gem, you and Pix put together a list of stuff the DreamSMP needs. Meeting’s over, I need a nap.”

Chapter Text

Tubbo sat straight up in bed as the ground below him trembled. He gasped, pulling his axe from his inventory and leaping to the floor, the covers draping over Ranboo’s sleeping form. His eyes darted around frantically until he saw the bright light outside. When he peeled back the curtain, all he could see was the whiteness of the moon hurtling towards the-

Tubbo gasped and stared up at the ceiling. He was drenched in sweat, golden sunlight pouring in through the curtain. One hand clasped his heart while the other covered his mouth so his labored breathing wouldn’t disturb Ranboo.

It was just a nightmare. A weird nightmare. But a nightmare, nonetheless. Nightmares aren't real- they’re just your subconscious sending you all sorts of weird and fucked up signals. There was no actual threat to Snowchest- Hermitcraft. No actual threat to Hermitcraft.

Maybe he wasn’t completely settled in yet.

He slowly sat up, having to peel himself off of the sheets. Judging by how quiet the barn was, none of the kids were awake yet, so Tubbo was in solitude with his racing thoughts. Why the moon, of all things? Sure, Tubbo knew it had crash landed onto the server, but that was ages ago. That had nothing to do with him. He was starting to think maybe coffee before bed wasn’t the best idea, if he was going to keep having freaky dreams like this.

“Mmm? T’bbo?”

Tubbo glanced over at the still half asleep Ranboo and smiled, leaning over to press a kiss to their forehead. “Go back to sleep, bug.”

“Mmm alright.” Ranboo rolled back over, their nose and horns pressed against the wall. In just a few ticks they were sound asleep again, curled up under the bundle of blankets that they both liked to keep on their bed. Tubbo liked the weight, and Ranboo liked the warmth.

Tubbo should go back to sleep. They should try and get some rest. The observatory could wait, he didn’t need to get up as soon as he awoke. He could just relax till the kids needed breakfast.

But when was Tubbo ever one to relax?

In the blink of an eye Tubbo was already putting on his overalls over his sleep shirt, which was decorated with embroidered bees. A gift from Tommy that somehow still fit him from childhood. Sure it was a little snug, but that’s why it was designated as a sleep shirt. He tied up his work boots that desperately either needed a wash or a replacement, and headed out the door, quiet and quick as a cat.

He wasn’t going far. Gigapies was just a short walk away, so he could pick up something for breakfast. The kids loved it when Ranboo brought back pie and hot apple cider the other day, so maybe Tubbo would get them some pumpkin bread and hot chocolate. Tubbo had a brief moment of worrying if all that sugar was really good for them or not, but he wasn’t going to be one of those dads that worried about everything! You know, just most things.

Things like the moon crashing into the server. Or the millions of screaming voices that decided to torment him in his dreams, when he wasn’t envisioning natural disasters, pools of blood, or a broken sky. Or Dream. Gods did Tubbo worry about Dream a lot. He found himself checking the Tab Menu on his com nearly six times a day, double and triple checking all the names that appeared on the screen. Nothing out of place, everyone accounted for.

Tubbo took out his com and stopped in the middle of the grass to double check the list again. BDubs, Cub, Doc, False, Grian, Grumbot, Hypno, Impulse, Iskall, Jevin, Joe, Keralis, Michael, Ranboo, Ren, Scar, Stress, Tango, TFC, himself, Wels, Beef, xB, Xisuma, Zedaph, Cleo. The only ones missing were Mumbo on the DreamSMP, Etho hell knows where, and Tommy, Pearl, and Gem on Empires. Tubbo sighed and was about to put his com away when he got a ping.

< iJevin > The Egg Hunt is officially set up for anyone who wants to participate! I’ll put the co-ords in Chat! Hope you guys have fun with it! >

< GoodTimeWithScar hit the ground too hard >

< iJevin > dang it Scar you stole my thunder!

< joehillssays > Scar, you need help my friend?

< impulseSV > F

< Grian > F

< ZombieCleo > force of habit from the damp, eh?

< Grian > my fingers went faster than my brain

< impulseSV > i’m sorry, i’ll be right over Scar! I’ll bring breakfast! Hope ya like soup!

< GoodTimeWithScar tried to swim in lava >

< Renthedog > oh scar bud

< Tubbo_ > L

< Grian > tubbo!

< Tubbo_ > :-P

Tubbo snickered and slipped his com back into his pocket, heading for Gigapies. The deaths on this server were a lot more comedic when Tubbo wasn’t witnessing them. When they were just flashing words on a screen, Tubbo didn’t have to worry so much. He could laugh along with the other Hermits, the same Michael and Grumbot laugh at cartoons of animals hitting each other with anvils and hammers.

It was all in good fun.

Tubbo pushed the door to Gigapies open. “Ren?”

“Hey Tubbo! What’s happenin’ baby?” Ren was all smiles despite it being seven o’clock in the morning, but that seemed to be the case for most of the Hermits. The only ones who slept in were Stress, Keralis, and xB. BDubs fell asleep at sunset and woke up as soon as the sun was rising, which freaked Tubbo the hell out. Who on earth was that precise?

“Nothin’ much boss man.” Tubbo leaned against the counter. “You got any pumpkin bread? I think the kids’ll really like it, and it’s a pain in the [beep] to make.”

Ren beamed, his tail wagging behind him. “Course I do! I got pumpkin everything! I’ll getcha a loaf, and I’ll throw in a hot coffee, on the house.”

“Oh, sweet, thanks Ren.”

“No problem my dude!” Ren held up his hand for a high five, which Tubbo returned tentatively. Ren smiled so hard he thought his cheeks might split, and he ducked into the kitchen to bring Tubbo his order.

Tubbo opened up the satchel tied to the loop on his overalls and pulled out three diamonds. It wasn’t much, but Tubbo’s supplies were dwindling. He needed to buy resources for his observatory or desperately grind for them, and unlike Tommy, he wasn’t just going to run around robbing people. And he definitely wasn’t going to dip into his contingency plan money. Those diamonds for if everything goes to shit on Hermitcraft and they had to leave. They’d have enough for a mortgage on Skyblock, for the kids to go to college if they wanted, for Ranboo, Tommy, and Iskall to live comfortably, and for Tubbo to retire when he’s 70, if he makes it that long. Was it a nihilistic and survivalist way of thinking? 100 percent. Was he going to do anything about it? Probably not!

“Sorry for the wait Tubbo!” Ren came out the kitchen door and set the loaf and coffee on the counter. The paper coffee cup left a ring on the wooden counter, hot steam coming from the hole in the lid. The loaf of bread was kept in a cast iron loaf pan, and wrapped in a clean rag that was decorated with bright pink psychedelic style flowers.

“Smells delicious, thanks.” Tubbo put the three diamonds on the counter, but Ren shook his head. “What, is it more?”

“No man, it’s on the house!” Ren said, still with a smile.

“Uh- wait- really?”

“Yeah, really!”

“But…why?”

Ren’s smile fell, but he quickly picked it back up, even if it was much softer than before. “Because Hermits Help Hermits, Tubbo.”

Why did that phrase always seem to strike a nerve with Tubbo?

When he left the Gigapies shop, the stunned look still on his face, Tubbo stopped to look out at the view of the Shopping District. If Tubbo wasn’t able to feel the morning breeze on his face and taste the coffee on his lips, he might’ve thought he was in another dream. But he knew he wasn’t, because nothing bad was happening. The morning was pleasant, and that’s all Tubbo needed to confirm this was indeed, reality.

As soon as Tubbo confirmed he was in the waking world, the Static started up again.

“Oh would you [beep] off, really, give a guy a break.” Tubbo grumbled, nearly crushing the coffee cup in his hands. He started to speed walk to the barn, not wanting the hot loaf in his inventory to get cold. It was much better hot, and Tubbo was much better off at home. If the Static got him at home, he was at least able to hold Ranboo’s hand and keep himself from floating away.

He practically sprinted towards the barn, the coffee from the cup spilling down the front of his overalls. He didn’t have the time to stop and acknowledge the pain of hot coffee, instead just focusing on getting the hell home. Getting back to his husband. His kids.

‘Y̷̮̾o̶̫̓u̶̧͝ ̶̟̌c̶̟̀á̸̜n̴̩̕'̸̳́t̷̔ͅ ̷͍͂ŕ̶̖u̵͖̓n̸̟̿ ̴͎͗f̷̝̕ǒ̸̩r̷̖͂e̴̟͒v̴̫̀e̷̙̊r̴̖͌,̴̩̀ ̴̅ͅT̵͙̒ų̶͗b̸͔̄b̵̪͒o̵͌’.

The voice sent a sharp pain down Tubbo’s auditory cortex, and he felt it spread all throughout each and every one of his nerves. He gasped and stopped dead in his tracks, heaving for air. He put a hand over his heart to make sure he could still feel it, but as soon as he did, it started to beat louder and louder in his ears. Like a war drum it beat against his ribcage, against his skull.

He had to get home.

He had to get to his family.

He had to get help.

He slumped down into the grass, leaning against a tree. The Static was getting worse, and when Tubbo’s heartbeat subsided, he could hear everything else. He could hear TFC at Y- Level 53 breaking away pieces of stone to look for diamonds. He could hear Grian stocking up at The Entity, shulkers being twisted open and closed. BDubs and Cleo having an early morning argument about the better wood types. Joe soaring through the sky with their elytra.

Tubbo clamped both hands over his mouth, so he didn’t make himself sick all over himself. He squeezed his eyes shut, the once pleasant landscape now a sensory nightmare.

There was a lot Tubbo could deal with. But this Static, it was unpredictable. Some days it just let him listen to the earth and the ocean, and everything felt at ease. Other days, it decided to straight up torture him. That’s what this was. This was torture.

He clamped his hands over his ears, wincing at the cold metal against his ears. His horns felt like they were twisting and would turn so tight they’d rip right off his skin. Tubbo thought about what he’d look like with no horns, and decided he didn’t like it. He had a built-in weapon, why would he ever get rid of them? It was a brief distraction from the pain, but a distraction, nonetheless.

All at once it just…

Stopped.

Everything came to a standstill, and Tubbo could hear clearly again. He was no longer Listening, just hearing. The normal sounds of a peaceful morning. Birds chirping, leaves rustling in the breeze, rockets from all around the Shopping District. Tubbo slowly took his trembling hands away from his ears and heaved a heavy sigh of relief.

He blinked a few times to get the fuzzy feeling out of his head, then slowly stood up to get the fuzzy feeling out of his legs. He grunted as he pulled himself to his feet, holding his arms out to balance, as if he were drunk.

Tubbo had only ever gotten drunk once, and he barely remembered it. He remembered the taste of pungent and strong Moonshine, downing it in one go so he didn’t have to deal with it any longer than he had to. He remembered Schlatt nursing his own glass, and then the meeting became a blur. And then when he woke up he was tucked into bed, the taste of vomit on his tongue, and Quackity asleep in the chair beside him. Tubbo had woken him up, and then put a bandage over the deep cut across his eyebrow.

Tubbo wobbled all the way back to the barn and was well aware he looked like a total wreck. He had a giant coffee stain down his front, his face was tear stained and his eyes were bloodshot. He didn’t even get to enjoy his coffee, instead he was wearing it. At least the bread was safe. At least the kids would have a good breakfast.

With the turn of his key Tubbo unlocked the door, and slumped against it once he locked it again.

“Tubbo? Is that you- Oh my gods!” Ranboo dropped the mug they had taken from the cabinet, and it crashed all over the floor in a splatter of porcelain. Ranboo hopped over the mess, kneeling down to Tubbo’s level. “Tubbo? Tubbo, can you hear me?”

Tubbo groaned. “Why’d ya have to ask that question, boss man?”

“Tubbo, what happened? Did- did something attack you?”

Tubbo shook his head. “Just-I’ve just got a headache. ‘m okay, bug.” Tubbo reached a hand up to cup Ranboo’s cheek. “Don’t worry about me.”

“My husband just burst in looking like he was dragged through a ditch! I- I’m gonna be worried!” Ranboo exclaimed. “Come on, let’s get you onto the couch.”

“Couch sounds great.”

Ranboo heaved Tubbo up, draping his arm over their shoulder. They have to practically drag him, but they manage to lay him down on the sofa. Their hands hovered over him nervously, and they gulped. “Give- give me a tick. Stay awake, I’ll be right back.”

Tubbo gave a thumbs up, his other arm draped over his eyes so the lights pouring in from the windows wouldn’t burn his eyes. Why did he think a floor to ceiling window was a good idea?

Ranboo ran upstairs and into their bedroom, pulling the mattress up from the bedframe. They fumbled for the tome, frantically flipping through it. “Come on, come on, give me something, give me something!”

The tomes words scrambled to keep up with Ranboo’s hands, the words swirling in around like they were like a blender. Ranboo stopped flipping long enough for them to settle on something, sitting on the page and shivering.

‘Healing Incantation: Level Four’

Ranboo didn’t care what level they were. They just cared about Tubbo.

They ran back downstairs with the book under their arm and kneeled beside Tubbo. “It’s gonna- it’ll be okay Tubbo, I promise.” Their eyes flickered violet as they propped the book up on the back of a couch cushion. “It’ll be okay. I love you.”

“Wha’s goin’ on?” Tubbo grumbled, too exhausted to question what Ranboo meant.

Ranboo placed two hands on Tubbo’s chest, feeling his heart hammer.

“Hey, buy me dinner first, minutes man.” Tubbo’s eyes fluttered shut. He wasn’t injured, but he was so exhausted that it felt like he had just been shot with a cannon ball.

Ranboo tried not to laugh at that. They shake their head and focus their eyes on the page.

The words are in a language that Ranboo doesn’t understand. Yet somehow, they’re familiar on their tongue. They don’t even know what they're saying, just that there’s a dull, green glow from their palms. Their heartbeat picks up as they say the incantation with more vigor, with more-

“Papa?”

Ranboo’s head snapped from Tubbo to Grumbot, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

With a bang of near blinding green light, Ranboo was flung back into the wall, their head thudding against the wood with a harsh crack. And that’s the last thing they hear before blacking out, slumping onto the floor.

Chapter Text

It didn’t take long for someone to find Ranboo, Tubbo, and Grumbot after Michael had screamed when he ran down the stairs.

Michael’s heart pounded in his little chest as he stood on the tips of his hooves to unlock the door and rushed out into the front yard. He didn’t have the wings like his aunts and uncles, so he’d have to run. But who did he run too? Who- He covered his mouth, the smell of blood still fresh.

He didn’t have a communicator either. He should’ve grabbed Daddy’s or papa’s from their pockets, but did they even have their coms in their pockets? Michael’s mind raced, trying to stay focused. He had to get help. He had to- he had to find anyone who could help.

His little legs carried him across the bridge. Most of the Hermits were usually in the Shopping District, and it was late enough in the morning that shops would be open. Michael just hoped they'd get to his parents and brother on time. Tears welled in his eyes, and yet he kept running. He didn’t stop to take a break because if he did-

He couldn’t think like that. His family was counting on him!

“Scar!” Michael cried out. “Auntie Pearl! Grauntie Iskall! Anyone!” He yelled as loud as his little lungs could, using his hooves to cup his mouth. “Somebody help!”

Michael squealed as he tripped on the bridge. He landed on his hands and knees, a tear coming from his pajama pants, decorated with little mushrooms. Blood started to dollop under his fur. He just picked himself back up again and kept running.

“Mimi! Joe! Auntie Cleo!”

“Michael!”

Michael could’ve cried out of relief when he saw Grian running towards him. Grian’s wings spread into a fly, and he landed kneeling down to Michael’s level. Now that Michael found an adult, he felt safe letting his lip wobble.

“Michael, what’s wrong?” Grian put a hand on his shoulder.

“I-It’s daddy! And Papa! And Grumbot! They’re- they’re all hurt Grian! I don’t know what to do!”

Grian’s heart dropped into his stomach. His eyes blew wide, and snapped up to look across the bridge, towards the barn. Michael watched as the halo hovering above his head flashed, and then Grian turned pale. “Oh my- okay Michael, upsy daisy.” Grian picked Michael up. He tried to give him a brave smile. “We’re going to Xisuma, okay buddy?”

Michael nodded, burying his head in Grian’s shoulder and starting to sob.

Grian rubbed up and down his back, even if what he had seen made him want to cry just like Michael. He had to be strong though. “You’re so brave, Michael. You’re a brave kid, ya know that?” Grian’s voice cracked as he took off into the air. The wind swept through his hair as he rushed towards Xisuma’s base, leaving behind scorch marks on the grass below.

“XISUMA!” Grian shouted over the wind. He spotted Xisuma down below, chatting with Scar. “XISUMA!”

Xisuma’s head shot up just in time for Grian to land, kicking up dirt. “OH goodness me! Grian!”

Grian set Michael down, who immediately ran into Scar’s arms, still crying.

Scar pulled Michael onto his lap, staring at Grian. “Michael? Hey buddy, it’s okay, Uncle Scar is here.” Scar tried to be reassuring, but from the look on Grian’s face, he knew something was wrong. “You’re safe buddy.”

“Xisuma, emergency.” Grian heaved as his ribs tightened. “Tubbo, Ranboo, and Grumbot- they’re hurt. They’re at the barn, come on!” Grian wasted no time taking back off into the air and towards the barn.

Xisuma did the same, his coral-like wings spreading from his mech suit. He looked at Scar and Michael. “I’m calling a state of emergency. You spread word around the Shopping District, and you keep Michael safe. Got it Scar?” He tried not to let his voice waver, but panic was jumping into his throat. His Hermits were hurt. They were hurt.

“Of course, Xisuma.” Scar switched from his chair to his braces, keeping Michael on his hip. He watched as Xisuma flew off to Tubbo and Ranboo’s base, and despite wanting to cry himself, he just gave Michael a charming smile. “It’s all gonna be okay. We’re just gonna hang out for a bit, alright?” He pulled out his com, heading into his tree.

< GoodTimeWithScar > Xisuma’s declared a state of emergency. You all know the drill. Stay in your bases, get yourself armed, don’t come out till Xisuma gives the safe word

< joehillssays > did he specify what’s goin on?

< GoodTimeWithScar > no but Michael and Grian are awful shaken up and tubbo ranboo and grumbot are hurt

Scar’s com started to blow up with worried messages, so many he couldn’t keep track. Hot tears burned in his eyes that he had to blink away, and he just slipped his com back into his pocket, feeling it vibrate against his thigh. He wasn’t going to think about Ranboo being held at sword point by Sam, or worse, Dream. Surely one of Tubbo’s experiments couldn’t have gone so wrong! What was happening? What could Scar do this time? He couldn’t lose his family, not again-

“Scar?”

Scar looked down at Michael as he tugged on his dress. “Yeah bud?”

“...Are daddy and papa gonna be okay?”

Scar wanted to reassure him. To tell him of course his parents were going to be okay! But Michael deserved better than a lie. Scar pressed a kiss to Michael’s forehead. “...I don’t know. I don’t- I don’t know.” He knew that was probably the opposite of what Michael wanted to hear, but all Scar could think about was how he had failed the first time around. He couldn’t fail now. He failed with his daughter, like hell he was going to fail with his sons. “But we’re going to try, Michael. We’re gonna do everything we can as Hermits.”

When Xisuma and Grian arrived at the barn, Xisuma let out a strangled scream at the state of it all.

The couch was absolutely scorched, green flames licking the hardwood floors. All of the windows were completely shattered, glass shards everywhere. There were scorch marks across the walls that looked like shadows. Everything smelled like burnt flesh, like sulfur. If Xisuma wasn’t wearing his helmet, he might have gotten sick.

Grian ran over to Tubbo and Ranboo, while Xisuma gently lifted Grumbot up.

Grumbot got off easy. His monitor was only cracked from falling, and he had been powered off from the impact. That was all, but Xisuma still found himself keeping his touched feather light, just in case the damage was internal as well. He didn’t want to jostle around any wires.

Tubbo was on the couch, covered in a layer of ash. Grian wiped it away to find his face and chest badly burnt. He was barely breathing, his nose caved in, and eyes swollen shut. “Tubbo? Tubbo, can you hear me?” Grian croaked.

Tubbo made no sign of consciousness.

“Ranboo?” Grian was desperate now, moving over to Ranboo’s slumped body. He gulped, and when he tried to move them away from the wall, sticky red and green blood coated his hand from the back of Ranboo’s head. Their hands were covered in what felt like gunpowder, but Grian knew what rotten flesh looked and smelled like. Grian made a noise in the back of his throat, starting to sob.

Xisuma blanched at the sight of the two of them. “Oh- oh my gods.” He whispered, horrified.

Grian laid Ranboo in the recovery position and looked at the back of their head. It looked like their skull had been smashed with a meat cleaver, and Grian had to turn away so he didn’t hurl. He would’ve covered his mouth with his hand, if it wasn’t coated with blood. There was so much blood. It was blocking all of Grian’s other senses.

“TUBBO!”

“Iskall!” Xisuma shouted. “You’re supposed to be at your ba-”

“I don’t give a DAMN!” Iskall was dressed in her finest netherite armor, enchants glimmering from the wrist cuffs, chest plate, and boots. She let her hunting rifle fall with a clatter as she ran over to the couch, taking Tubbo in her arms. “Oh- oh my Jeb. Tubbo? Starlight, can you hear me?”

That got a groan out of Tubbo.

Iskall could’ve sobbed in relief. “I’m going to murder whoever did this to you, Tubbo, I swear it.” Her voice trembled, and her white-hot rage made way for panic. “Xisuma- X what do we do? We- we can’t just use healing pots!”

Xisuma was panicking. Grian was panicking, and Iskall was panicking, and that was making him panic. He racked his brain for an idea, his mouth open like a fish out of water. Hermits got injured all the time, but Xisuma rarely saw injuries this bad on the server. Off world injuries got much worse, but they were always able to be patched up. This? This was- Xisuma didn’t even know what had done this.

Grian took off his jumper, laying it under Ranboo’s head so they’d have some cushion. They stood up and took Grumbot from Xisuma’s arms before he dropped him, already seeing him start to sway. “X, I’m- I’m bringing Grumbot to Doc so he can get patched up.”

Xisuma just gave a numb nod.

Before Grian took off out the now open wall, he turned to Xisuma. “I’ve killed over less than this.” He said it with such certainty, that Xisuma couldn’t help the shiver that ran up his spine. Grian took off into the sky, swerving around and flying towards Doc’s shop, where he was probably holed up.

Iskall had finally started crying. She squeezed Tubbo’s hand, mumbling pointless reassurances that just tumbled out of her mouth without much thought at all. Promises to fix him. That he’d be okay. That whatever had gotten to him, she’d shed as much of its blood as she had to. She hoped Tubbo could hear her, or at the very least, could feel she was with him. That he wasn’t alone.

Xisuma had to sit down. His body felt too heavy in his suit, which suddenly felt so useless with all the bells and whistles. Just like with the moon, he was unprepared to save his Hermits- his family. And now the youngest of them were- they didn’t deserve this! Haven't they gone through enough? Xisuma had read the transcripts- Hermitcraft was supposed to be safe! Xisuma was heaving so hard the glass of his helmet fogged up, and he could barely make out his surroundings through inky, black, tears.

Xisuma had promised them that they’d be okay. He broke his promise. A promise of a peaceful world, where they didn’t have to worry, because they had infinite-

His heart practically stopped.

They had infinite lives.

“Iskall.” His voice came out raspier than he meant it to. “Iskall I-I think I know what to do. But you aren’t going to like it.”

“Whatever helps my nephews, Xisuma.” She said, her tone bordering on murderous. “Whatever helps them.”

Xisuma gulped down his nerves and stood up. “Do- do you remember, back on Season 6? When one of Doc’s machines got a little- a little too out of hand during the Civil War?” His hands were shaking, both from remembering, and from how much he was panicking. “And Tango got caught in the cross-”

“No.” Iskall stopped him dead in his tracks. “We’re not doing that!”

“I’m not seeing any other choice!”

“I’M NOT FORCING A RESPAWN ONTO TUBBO!”

The air rang with the silence that followed.

Iskall’s chest heaved. She wouldn’t do it. She couldn’t do it. There had to be another way.

When Tubbo had recounted to her the events of the DreamSMP back on the Hermitheus, Iskall had wanted to turn the whole ship around, find Dream, and shove him out of the airlock into the vastness of space. She had been in tears as she held Tubbo, and promised she’d protect him. She had to make that promise, because she had already lost Jordan. She couldn’t lose Stress, or Tubbo. She couldn’t lose her nephew again. She just couldn’t.

She gasped, feeling a tug from her sleeve.

“Auntie?” Tubbo’s voice was groggy, but he didn’t open his eyes.

Iskall choked on her tears. “I’m here Starlight, auntie’s here.” She put a hand on his cheek.

“...you promise I’ll come back?”

“Wh-?” Iskall’s eyes widened, but she understood. “Tubbo I-”

“Will I? Will Ranboo?”

“Yes- yes you will. But Tubbo there- there has to be another way.” She sobbed. She spoke just above a whisper. “Both of you will.” She glanced over at Xisuma, who was kneeling at Ranboo’s level, and just waiting for Iskall. “But please Tubbo- please don’t make me do this.” She was begging now, squeezing his hand with her other. “I-I’ve taken so many lives. I’m not taking yours.”

Tubbo tried to open his eyes, but they were burnt shut, he couldn’t if he tried. He gave Iskall’s hand a squeeze, despite the pain it sent up his nerves. His skin felt like it was on fire. And all he did was nod.

Iskall turned away from Tubbo as she opened up her inventory.

A sword landed in her hands. It felt so much heavier than it should, and Iskall looked at her reflection in the blade. She saw the bounty hunter who had tried to assassinate Xisuma Void. She saw the woman who dragged bodies to a lab in the sky, so her best friend could have a son, and smuggled illegal chemicals because he wanted his son to have a sibling. She saw the woman who told the gods to fuck off, who was unapologetically herself, no matter what the devs had made her to be. She was loyal. She would kill and die for her family. For Hermitcraft. Because it was all she had. She was the 85th of her name, the 85th of her kind. She was so many things, and yet for the longest time, thought of herself as just a tool to be wielded by others.

Iskall looked back down at her nephew. Her nephew who was so much like her. Who was so much like his father. She looked at Ranboo, who was the best parts of all the Hermits, who had been welcomed with open arms onto their server when Death had given him mercy.

She looked at Xisuma. ‘Tell me what to do’, she thought, an old habit from her first days walking the path of a Hermit. Her eyes pleaded as she stared at him.

Xisuma gave a nod.

Iskall raised her sword.

And she screamed.

< Tubbo_ was slain by iskall85 >

< Ranboo was slain by iskall85 >

Chapter Text

“Dad! Dad what’s that!”

Jordan turned to his toddler, who was tugging on his pant leg and pointing out the window. Two bees were buzzing outside, trying to reach the flowers that were on the windowsill. He moved his goggles from his eyes and let them hang around his neck. “Those are bees, Tubbo.” Jordan scooped him up, carrying him over.

He pushed the window open, and the two bees flew in. They were each the size of Tubbo’s little three-year-old fists and buzzed around the chrysanthemums. One of them looked at Tubbo, and bobbed up and down like it was dancing, before going back to rubbing its face against the pollen.

“What’re they doing?” Tubbo asked, staring with wide eyes fascination. He tried to reach out to the bee, but Jordan took his hand.

Jordan just laughed at Tubbo’s baby pout. “They’re pollinating, though it’s strange they flew all the way up here to do so.”

“What's pollinating?”

“See that yellow stuff?” Jordan pointed to the yellow dust inside the flower, and around the bee's bodies. “That’s pollen. The pollen is spread to other plants like flowers, vegetables, and even trees so more of them can grow. It’s important we don’t disturb the bees so they can do their job.”

Tubbo was staring at the bees circling the flowers, and kept his hands curled around Jordan’s lab coat. One of the bees looked back at him, and Tubbo swore it was smiling, at least in his mind. The first bee flew back out the window into the sky, and the other bee followed.

“Bye bye bee.” Tubbo said as Jordan reached over to close the window.

“Bye bye bees!” Jordan repeated, getting a giggle from Tubbo. “That’s my boy. Come on, I’ll make you some lunch. What’re you hungry for, kid?” He reached bonk, bonking his forehead lightly against Tubbo’s. “Bonk.”

“Bonk!” Tubbo chirped back, his tail wagging behind his bright yellow dungarees. “I uhh- oh! Soup!”

Jordan carried Tubbo into the kitchen and set him down in his highchair. “Soup it is! I think we still have some leftovers from when your auntie was over yesterday.” He swung the fridge open and opened up a now cold crock pot resting on the bottom shelf. “Aha! We do! Plenty of minestrone. I can never get minestrone right. Cooking it’s- it’s more an art than a science.”

Tubbo just giggled again.

He heaved out the massive crockpot and put it on the counter, plugging it into the wall. “We’ll let that heat up for a few clicks, then it’s soup time! You want applesauce to hold ya over?”

“Yes please dad!”

Jordan reached back into the fridge, taking out two containers of applesauce. He cracked the packaging, opened the drawer for a spoon, and handed them both to Tubbo. He reached over and closed the fridge with his foot. “Need help opening that?”

“Nuh uh! I got it!” Tubbo looked down at the applesauce in his hands, and jabbed his spoon into the middle, creating a splatter. “..I don’t got it.”

“That’s okay, kid.” Jordan grabbed a paper towel and wiped up the mess. “Part of growing is learning. And part of learning is making a mess! See, all clean, no harm no foul!” He threw the dirty paper towel in the bin, and handed Tubbo the applesauce he was about to eat for himself. “Now, how can we do this differently?”

Tubbo started examining the applesauce the same way Jordan would often examine his own experiments. Turning it over in his hands, with his tongue sticking out and nose scrunched up. He suddenly stopped, looking at Jordan. “Dad, I need goggles! And gloves!”

Oh, Jordan just beamed ear to ear. “I can’t believe I forgot! Very good, Tubbo!” Jordan ruffled his hair. “I can already tell you’re going to be an amazing scientist one day.”

His eyes filled with stars. “For real life? Like you?”

“For real life, like me.” Jordan reached down to kiss the side of his head. “We’re Sparklez, Tubbo. We’re made of science.” Jordan pushed back his hair. “You’re made of science, and you’re made of love, Tubbo.”

Tubbo just looked up at Jordan, eyes wide as saucers and still clutching the applesauce like it was a precious treasure.

He was made of science.

And he was made of love.

⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⍀⏃☊⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⍀⍜⎍☌⊑ ⏁⊑⟒ ⊑⏃⌰⌰⌇ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌿⏃⌰⏃☊⟒, ☌⟟☌☌⌰⟟⋏☌ ⏃⌇ ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⊑⟒⏃⍀⎅ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑⏁⟒⍀ ⏚⟒⊑⟟⋏⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⋔. “⊬⍜⎍ ☊⏃⋏’⏁ ☊⏃⏁☊⊑ ⋔⟒; ⊬⍜⎍ ☊⏃⋏’⏁ ☊⏃⏁☊⊑ ⋔⟒!” ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑⟒⎅ ⟟⋏ ⏃ ⌇⟟⋏☌-⌇⍜⋏☌ ⎐⍜⟟☊⟒, ⋏⏃⍀⍀⍜⍙⌰⊬ ⏃⎐⍜⟟⎅⟟⋏☌ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⏃⌰⌰ ⏃⌇ ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⏁⎍⍀⋏⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒ ☊⍜⍀⋏⟒⍀.

“⍜⊑, ☊⍜⋔⟒ ⏚⏃☊☍ ⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⊬⍜⎍ ⌰⟟⏁⏁⌰⟒ ⋔⎍⋏☊⊑☍⟟⋏!” ⏃ ⍙⍜⋔⏃⋏’⌇ ⎐⍜⟟☊⟒ ☊⏃⌰⌰⟒⎅ ⍜⎍⏁, ⎎⟟⌰⌰⟒⎅ ⍙⟟⏁⊑ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⏃⋔⟒ ⍙⏃⍀⋔ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑⏁⟒⍀. “⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟒ ⋔⍜⋏⌇⏁⟒⍀⌇ ☌⍜⋏⋏⏃ ☌⟒⏁ ⊬⍜⎍!”

“⋏⍜⍜⍜⍜!” ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⌇☌⎍⟒⏃⌰⟒⎅ ⏃⋏⎅ ⌇⏁⏃⍀⏁⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⍀⎍⋏ ⎍⌿ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⏁⏃⟟⍀⌇. ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⍙⟒⍀⟒ ⟊⎍⌇⏁ ⏃⏚⍜⎍⏁ ⏁⍜ ⍀⟒⏃☊⊑ ⏁⊑⟒ ⋏⟒⌖⏁ ⎎⌰⍜⍜⍀, ⍜⋏⌰⊬ ⏁⍜ ⏚⟒ ⌇☊⍜⍜⌿⟒⎅ ⎍⌿ ⏚⊬ ⏁⍙⍜ ⏃⍀⋔⌇ ☊⍜⎐⟒⍀⟒⎅ ⟟⋏ ⌰⍜⏁⌇ ⍜⎎ ⟊⟟⋏☌⌰⊬ ⟊⟒⍙⟒⌰⍀⊬.

“⟟’⎐⟒ ☌⍜⏁☊⊑⏃!” ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⍜⋔⏃⋏ ⏚⍜⎍⋏☊⟒⎅ ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⎍⌿ ⏃⋏⎅ ⎅⍜⍙⋏. “⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟒ ⋔⍜⋏⌇⏁⟒⍀’⌇ ☌⍜⏁☊⊑⏃!”

“⋏⍜⍜⍜! ⍙⊑⟒⍀⟒’⌇ ⋔⊬ ⋔⍜⋔⋔⊬!”

⌇⊑⟒ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑⟒⎅, ⌇⏁⏃⍀⏁⟟⋏☌ ⏁⍜ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟒ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⌇⟟⎅⟒⌇. “⟟’⋔ ⊬⍜⎍⍀ ⋔⍜⋔⋔⊬ ⋏⍜⍙, ⏃⋏⎅ ⟟⏁’⌇ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟒ ⏁⟟⋔⟒!”

⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⊑⍜⍙⌰⟒⎅ ⍙⟟⏁⊑ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑⏁⟒⍀ ⏃⋏⎅ ☍⟟☊☍⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⌰⟟⏁⏁⌰⟒ ⌰⟒☌⌇. ☍⟟⌇⌇⟒⌇ ⍙⟒⍀⟒ ⌿⍀⟒⌇⌇⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ☊⊑⟒⟒☍⌇ ⏃⋏⎅ ⋏⏃⟟⌰⌇ ⌰⟟☌⊑⏁⌰⊬ ⌿⍜☍⟒⎅ ⏃☌⏃⟟⋏⌇⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⍀⟟⏚⌇ ⏁⊑⍀⍜⎍☌⊑ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⋏⟟☌⊑⏁☌⍜⍙⋏ ⏃⋏⎅ ⌇⍙⟒⏃⏁⟒⍀.

“⟟⌇ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟒ ⋔⍜⋏⌇⏁⟒⍀ ⟟ ⊑⟒⏃⍀?” ⏃⋏⍜⏁⊑⟒⍀ ⎐⍜⟟☊⟒ ☊⏃⋔⟒ ⎎⍀⍜⋔ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⍜⌿ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⏁⏃⟟⍀⌇. “⎍⋏⊑⏃⋏⎅ ⋔⊬ ☊⊑⟟⌰⎅, ⊬⍜⎍ ⎎⍜⎍⌰ ⏚⟒⏃⌇⏁!” ⌇⊑⟒ ⍙⟟⟒⌰⎅⟒⎅ ⊑⟒⍀ ☍⋏⟟⏁⏁⟟⋏☌ ⋏⟒⟒⎅⌰⟒⌇ ⏃⌇ ⌇⍙⍜⍀⎅⌇, ⌇⏁⍀⎍☌☌⌰⟟⋏☌ ⋏⍜⏁ ⏁⍜ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑ ⏃⋏⎅ ⏚⍀⟒⏃☍ ☊⊑⏃⍀⏃☊⏁⟒⍀, ⌇⟒⟒⟟⋏☌ ⊑⟒⍀ ⍙⟟⎎⟒ ⍙⟟⏁⊑ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ☊⊑⟟⌰⎅ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⏃⍀⋔⌇.

“⋏⟒⎐⟒⍀! ⏁⊑⟒⊬’⍀⟒ ⋔⟟⋏⟒ ⋏⍜⍙, ⏃⋏⋏⏃⌰⟟⌇⟒!” ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⍜⋔⏃⋏ ⏚⏃⌰⏃⋏☊⟒⎅ ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⍜⋏ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⊑⟟⌿ ⏃⋏⎅ ⎍⌇⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⊑⏃⍙⌰ ⏃⍀⍜⎍⋏⎅ ⊑⟒⍀ ⌇☍⟟⍀⏁ ⏁⍜ ⌇⍙⏃⎅⎅⌰⟒ ⏁⊑⟒⋔. ⌇⊑⟒ ⏁⟟⟒⎅ ⟟⏁ ⏃⍀⍜⎍⋏⎅ ⊑⟒⍀ ⌇⊑⍜⎍⌰⎅⟒⍀, ☊⍀⟒⏃⏁⟟⋏☌ ⏃ ⋔⏃☍⟒⌇⊑⟟⎎⏁ ⏚⏃⏚⊬ ⌇⌰⟟⋏☌.

“⍙⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⟟⌇ ⋔⊬ ⍙⟟⎎⟒, ⍙⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⟟⌇ ⋏⍜⍀⟟!” ⏃⋏⋏⏃⌰⟟⌇⟒ ☊⍜⎍⌰⎅⋏’⏁ ⊑⟒⌰⌿ ⏚⎍⏁ ☌⟟☌☌⌰⟒ ⏃⏁ ⏁⊑⟒ ⎎⏃☍⟒ ⎅⍀⏃⋔⏃⏁⟟☊⌇. “⟟⏁’⌇ ⏃⌰⋔⍜⌇⏁ ⌇⎍⌿⌿⟒⍀ ⏁⟟⋔⟒!”

“⟟’⋔ ⊬⍜⎍⍀ ⍙⟟⎎⟒ ⋏⍜⍙, ⏃⋏⋏⏃!” ⋏⍜⍀⟟ ⏃⌿⌿⍀⍜⏃☊⊑⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⍜⌿ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⏁⏃⟟⍀⌇, ⊑⟒⍀ ⎎⟟⋏☌⟒⍀⌇ ⍙⟟☌☌⌰⟟⋏☌ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⌇⊑⟒ ⍙⏃⌇ ⌿⍀⟒⏁⟒⋏⎅⟟⋏☌ ⏁⍜ ⏚⟒ ⏃ ⍙⟟⏁☊⊑.

“⍀⎍⋏ ⋔⍜⋔⋔⏃!” ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑⟒⎅ ⎎⍀⍜⋔ ⋏⍜⍀⟟’⌇ ⌰⏃⌇⏁ ☊⌰⟟☊☍ ⌿⍜⎍☊⊑.

“⟟ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⎎⟟☌⊑⏁ ⎎⍜⍀ ⋔⊬ ⍙⟟⎎⟒, ⏃⋏⎅ ⎎⍜⍀ ⋔⊬ ☊⊑⟟⌰⎅! ⟒⋏ ☌⏃⍀⎅⟒ ⊬⍜⎍- ⏃⊑!” ⏃⋏⋏⏃⌰⟟⌇⟒ ⍙⏃⌇ ⟒⏃⌇⟟⌰⊬ ⍜⎐⟒⍀⌿⍜⍙⟒⍀⟒⎅ ⏚⊬ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟒⌇, ⊑⟒⍀ ☍⋏⟟⏁⏁⟟⋏☌ ⋏⟒⟒⎅⌰⟒⌇ ⎎⏃⌰⌰⟟⋏☌ ⍙⟟⏁⊑ ⏃ ☊⌰⏃⏁⏁⟒⍀. ⌇⊑⟒ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑⟒⎅ ⏃⌇ ⋏⍜⍀⟟’⌇ ⎎⟟⋏☌⟒⍀⌇ ⍀⏃⋏ ⎍⌿ ⏃⋏⎅ ⎅⍜⍙⋏ ⊑⟒⍀ ⍀⟟⏚⌇, ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⌇⊑⟒ ⍙⏃⌇ ⌿⌰⏃⊬⟟⋏☌ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌿⟟⏃⋏⍜ ⍙⟟⏁⊑ ⊑⟒⍀ ⍀⟟⏚☊⏃☌⟒. “⋏⍜! ⋏⍜, ⟟⏁ ☊⏃⋏’⏁ ⟒⋏⎅ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⏁⊑⟟⌇! ⏚⌰⟒⊑!” ⌇⊑⟒ ⌇⏁⎍☊☍ ⊑⟒⍀ ⏁⍜⋏☌⎍⟒ ⍜⎍⏁, ☌⍜⟟⋏☌ ⌰⟟⋔⌿ ⟟⋏ ⋏⍜⍀⟟’⌇ ⏃⍀⋔⌇.

⋏⍜⍀⟟ ☊⊑⟒⟒⍀⟒⎅, ⊑⎍☌☌⟟⋏☌ ⊑⟒⍀ ⏃⍀⍜⎍⋏⎅ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⏃⟟⌇⏁. “⊬⟒⌇! ⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟒ ⋔⍜⋏⌇⏁⟒⍀ ⊑⏃⌇ ⍙⍜⋏ ⊬⟒⏁ ⏃☌⏃⟟⋏!” ⌇⊑⟒ ⌰⟒⏁ ☌⍜ ⍜⎎ ⏃⋏⋏⏃, ⏃⋏⎅ ⎍⋏⎅⟟⎅ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⍀⏃⌿ ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⍙⏃⌇ ⟟⋏. “⎅⟟⎅ ⊬⏃ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⎎⎍⋏, ⏚⟒⌰⍜⎐⟒⎅?”

“⊬⟒⌇ ⋔⍜⋔⋔⊬!” ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ☊⊑⟟⍀⌿⟒⎅, ⌇⍙⏃⊬⟟⋏☌ ⏚⏃☊☍ ⏃⋏⎅ ⎎⍜⍀⏁⊑ ⍜⋏ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⊑⍜⍜⎐⟒⌇.

“☌⍜⍜⎅, ⏚⟒☊⏃⎍⌇⟒ ⋏⍜⍙ ⍙⟒ ⍀⟒⏃⌰⌰⊬ ⌇⊑⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⊑⟒⏃⎅ ⏁⍜ ⏁⊑⟒ ⎅⟟⋏⟟⋏☌ ⊑⏃⌰⌰ ⎎⍜⍀ ⌇⎍⌿⌿⟒⍀.” ⏃⋏⋏⏃⌰⟟⌇⟒ ⍀⟒⏃☊⊑⟒⎅ ⎅⍜⍙⋏ ⏁⍜ ⌿⟟☊☍ ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⎍⌿. ⌇⊑⟒ ☍⟟⌇⌇⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⎎⍜⍀⟒⊑⟒⏃⎅. “☊⍜⋔⟒ ⍜⋏, ⏚⍜⏁⊑ ⍜⎎ ⊬⍜⎍. ⏃⋏⎅ ⊬⍜⎍-” ⌇⊑⟒ ⌿⍜⟟⋏⏁⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⋏⍜⍀⟟. “⋏⟒⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⌇⏁⏃⍀⏁ ⟒⏃⏁⟟⋏☌ ⊬⍜⎍⍀ ⎐⟒☌⟒⏁⏃⏚⌰⟒⌇.”

“⍙⊑-! ⍙⊑⊬ ⏃⍀⟒⋏’⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏁⟒⌰⌰⟟⋏☌ ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⏁⍜ ⟒⏃⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⎐⟒☌⟒⏁⏃⏚⌰⟒⌇!”

“⏚⟒☊⏃⎍⌇⟒ ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⏃⌰⍀⟒⏃⎅⊬ ⎅⍜.”

⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ☌⟟☌☌⌰⟒⎅ ⏃⋏⎅ ⌇⏁⎍☊☍ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⏁⍜⋏☌⎍⟒ ⍜⎍⏁.

“⍜⊑, ☊’⋔⟒⍀⟒ ⊬⍜⎍ ⌰⟟⏁⏁⌰⟒ ⌇⏁⟟⋏☍⟒⍀-” ⋏⍜⍀⟟ ⏁⍀⟟⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⍀⟒⏃☊⊑ ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⏁⍜ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟒ ⏁⊑⟒⋔, ⏚⎍⏁ ⏃⋏⋏⏃⌰⟟⌇⏁ ⌿⎍⌇⊑⟒⎅ ⊑⟒⍀ ☊⊑⟒⟒☍ ⏚⏃☊☍. ⋏⍜⍀⟟ ⌰⏃⎍☌⊑⟒⎅, ⏁⏃☍⟟⋏☌ ⊑⟒⍀ ⊑⏃⋏⎅ ⏃⋏⎅ ☍⟟⌇⌇⟟⋏☌ ⟟⏁. “⏃⌰⍀⟟☌⊑⏁ ⏃⌰⍀⟟☌⊑⏁, ⋏⍜ ⋔⍜⍀⟒ ⏁⟟☊☍⌰⟟⋏☌ ⏁⟟⌰⌰ ⏃⎎⏁⟒⍀ ⌇⎍⌿⌿⟒⍀. ⍾⎍⟒⟒⋏’⌇ ⍜⍀⎅⟒⍀⌇.”

“⏁⊑⏃⋏☍ ⊬⍜⎍, ⎅⟒⏃⍀.” ⏃⋏⋏⏃⌰⟟⌇⟒ ☌⏃⎐⟒ ⋏⍜⍀⟟ ⏁⊑⟒ ⋔⎍⌇⊑⟟⟒⌇⏁ ⌇⋔⟟⌰⟒, ⏚⟒⎎⍜⍀⟒ ⌰⟒⏃⋏⟟⋏☌ ⏚⏃☊☍ ⎅⍜⍙⋏ ⏁⍜ ☍⟟⌇⌇ ⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜’⌇ ⊑⟒⏃⎅. “☊⍜⋔⟒ ⍜⋏, ⏚⟒⌰⍜⎐⟒⎅.”

⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⌰⟒⏃⋏⟒⎅ ☊⌰⍜⌇⟒ ⏁⍜ ⊑⟟⌇ ⋔⍜⋔⋔⏃ ⏃⋏⎅ ☊⍜⎍⌰⎅’⎐⟒ ⎎⏃⌰⌰⟒⋏ ⏃⌇⌰⟒⟒⌿ ⍙⟟⏁⊑ ⊑⍜⍙ ⌇⏃⎎⟒ ⏃⋏⎅ ⍙⏃⍀⋔ ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⎎⟒⌰⏁. ⏚⟒⟟⋏☌ ⊑⟒⌰⎅ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⏁⊑⟟⌇, ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ☍⋏⟒⍙ ⟒⌖⏃☊⏁⌰⊬ ⍙⊑⏃⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⍙⟒⍀⟒.

⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⍙⟒⍀⟒ ⌰⍜⎐⟒⎅.

When Tubbo came to, he honestly thought he was dead. That was his first thought when he was engulfed by darkness, his head pounding and his mouth feeling like it was stuffed with cotton. That he was dead, and he was somehow awake in his body as it was being prepared for burial. Which sucked, but it was better than Limbo, from what he’s heard.

Then he heard all the overlapping voices.

His second thought was, ‘oh fuck me, the Static’s back’.

He tried to will himself into unconsciousness, because it was better to be blissfully unaware than have to deal with another episode. It was only when all the overlapping voices started to sound familiar, that Tubbo was sure he wasn’t in another episode. Or dead.

Tubbo was in a bed, covered tucked up to his waist, his head propped up by pillows. Someone was holding his hand, his good hand, so he could actually feel it. He didn’t have the strength to squeeze back.

Was this how Ranboo felt? After Wilbur and Quackity’s stupid squabble? Were they aware when they were tucked into bed, able to just barely make out what was being said around them? Gods, that must have fucking sucked. It sucked now!

Tubbo could barely recall what had happened. He knew he had an episode. He remembered Ranboo. But then everything just went black. Or green? Maybe he was remembering things wrong. Maybe he was going mad. That had to be it. He was finally cracking.

He wanted to physically shake the thought from his head, but he obviously couldn’t move his head. The only thing he could move was his eyes, which did him a lot of good when they were shut. So, it looked like he was stuck here, trying to figure out what was being said all around him. He strained to listen with every fiber of his being that wasn’t focused on the numbness of pain.

Unfortunately, that meant he had to Listen.

“I never thought I’d see you pray.” Tubbo wished he could flinch at how loud and clear the voice came through when he was finally able to focus. That voice was Grian. Grian was here. Alright. That was good.

A dry laugh came from Tubbo’s bedside. “I’m just full of surprises, aren’t I?”

That was Iskall. Iskall was here too.

There was a gap of silence.

“I can't stand just sitting around.” Grian stood up, the chair scraping. “I’m going to go check in on Ranboo. Xisuma’s calling Techno, Phil, and Mumbo, and I want front row tickets to THAT [beep] show.”

So Ranboo was hurt too. And was being kept in a separate room. Which already made Tubbo’s skin crawl with anxiety. He could listen in to see how Ranboo was doing, but he was too focused on Iskall.

Iskall didn’t say anything.

Grian reached over and squeezed her shoulder. “Hey. This- this has happened before. And Tubbo bounced back. He’ll bounce back again this time too.”

“The fact it already happened once means I’ve failed as his aunt, and I’ve failed Jordan.” Iskall said.

‘No you didn’t’. Tubbo wanted to say out loud. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even move his damn head.

Grian sighed, and Tubbo heard the door open and close.

When Iskall was sure she was alone, she squeezed Tubbo’s hand. “Please Tubbo- you’ve gotta wake up. You’re killing me, starlight.”

Tears hit the back of Tubbo’s hand.

Tubbo heard footsteps, heavy ones, like big chunky boots. And then the door opened with a click.

“Here ya are, luv.” Stress’s voice came through, and it was surprisingly soothing. Like warm hot chocolate. She handed Iskall something- sounded like a mug.

“Ah, Stress, where would I be without you?” Iskall let go of Tubbo’s hand so she could sip the tea. “You make the best tea on the server.”

“Why’d ya think I capitalized? it” She sat down on the floor, holding Iskall’s hand. “He doin’ alright?”

“He’s- he’s stable.” Iskall took a deep breath. “Until Doc and Zed finish fixing Grumbot up and we can go searching for a god apple, that’s- that’s all I can hope for right now. That he stays stable.” She clutched the mug as her hands started to shake.

Fixing Grumbot up? Tubbo wanted to shoot out of bed. What happened to Grumbot!? What happened to his son! They didn’t know his wiring like Tubbo did- he needed to get up!

Stress stood up, hugging her around the shoulders. “He’s gon’ be a-okay, Iskall. I promise.” She pressed a kiss to her cheek, giggling at the scratch from her beard.

“I hope so.” Iskall leaned into Stress’s touch. “I-I can’t believe I had to-”

“Oh hush now miss, you did the right thing.” Stress cut her off from any self-deprecating thoughts. “No one else coulda done it. I’d ‘ave been sick to my stomach, and you know Xisuma, he’s a giant marshmallow.”

That got a chuckle out of Iskall.

“An’ Grian’s all squawk no bite. You did the right thing.” Stress repeated again. “If you ‘ad’nt, we woulda ‘ave to taken them off server. Then deal with some doctor on Skyblock. THEN think ‘bout insurance. Then deal with the press. THEN on top o’all that, they wouldn’t ‘ave the protection of inifni-lives. At least ‘ere we ‘ave Doc, and Tango, and Zed, and all their science medical know how ‘n junk.”

Iskall sighed, burying her face in Stress’s neck. “You’re right. I-I know you’re right. But I just- I wish I knew what did this! No mob I know has ever-”

“Drink your tea, it’ll get cold.”

Iskall huffed and took a sip of her tea. It was peppermint, and chocolate, with the little marshmallows shaped like hearts.

“I’m tellin’ ya now, ya worry too much. Doc is gon’ get those god apples, and then they’ll be up ‘n about ‘n no time! They’re already on healin’ pots, so most o’ the burns are gone. They just need that extra boost to wake up.”

“Doesn’t make me worry any less.” Iskall mumbled.

“I know, I know.” Stress rubbed her hand up and down Iskall’s shoulder. “Ya wan’ go see Michael?”

“Yeah…yeah. Tubbo would want me to check up on Michael.” Iskall leaned over to press a kiss to Tubbo’s head. “I love you, starlight. I’ll be back, I promise. I’d say stay put but uh…”

Tubbo could only listen as Iskall and Stress left the room, presumably to go check on Michael.

Too bad Iskall left before she could feel his hand start to twitch.

Chapter Text

You could hear the rumble of the portal all the way from the barn, even without the ability to Listen. The sound of horseback, and the beating of wings signified to Hermitcraft that this day would get harder before it got easier. To match the impending omen, the sky swirled and darkened until it was a dark gray, blocking out the sun in the middle of the afternoon.

“[Beep].” Xisuma muttered to himself, pulling up the monitor on his arm. He swiped Ranboo and Tubbo’s vitals aside and pulled up the Whitelist. “They’re here.” He turned to False and Joe.

“Yeah, I could tell.” False jerked her thumb towards the clouds, her other hand tucked into her pocket and moving a tangle toy around. Her feathers were ruffled, having not had the time to preen them just yet with all that’s been going on.

Joe frowned. “Sizooma, you’re all old friends. Surely you’re not afraid of ‘em?”

Xisuma gave a dry chuckle. “I’ve seen those two topple Empires and then rebuild them in the span of a few years. And if there’s one thing I know about Technoblade, is that he is loyal no matter what. He’s loyal to me, yes, but there are other Hermits he could pin the blame on.”

“Yeesh.” Was all False could say. “You want me to go out there?”

Xisuma shook his head. “No, Wels has it handled. I trust him.”

Wels had been outside since Tubbo and Ranboo had been put on bedrest, standing guard. His feet were firmly planted to the ground, his sword held in front of him as he stood, still as a statue. Cub had even thought he was a new decor piece at first, until he saw him blink under the helmet. Wels laughed it off, but other than that, scarcely left his new post. Not to eat, not to drink, not to sleep. Sunrise to sunset for the past two days.

For two days Hermitcraft had been in a state of panic. There were constant streams of Hermits coming in and out of the barn with bandages, potions, or flowers. Ranboo was kept in the kids room, and Tubbo in his bedroom. The living room and kitchen had become almost an HQ for the Hermits watching over them, and of course, some of them had an odd pang of nostalgia about the whole thing.

The situation was horrible, yes. But Impulse and Scar had done this before. Back on the DreamSMP. They couldn’t help but compare the two situations. With Ranboo on the pressure plate, Scar could trace back the exact steps that led them to that unfortunate situation. He even had someone to blame. But here? Hermitcraft was supposed to be safe, and unlike with the DreamSMP, Scar and Impulse weren’t hovering around who was familiar because they had nothing else to do. They had been so preoccupied with their builds, day to day chores, their farms. It felt like the one time they had taken their eyes off of Ranboo and Tubbo, this happened.

Cleo looked up from the armchair beside Ranboo’s bed, which was really just Grumbot’s bunk. They could hear the hoof steps approaching and got up to close the blinds. If Ranboo was even somewhat conscious, then they didn’t need to think about that shit show.

She knew Ranboo and Tubbo were conscious but couldn’t do anything. They knew because they had been in scenarios like this many, many times before. That in between state of dead and alive was what Cleo called home, and it was the only way she got to ‘sleep’. Every time she closed her eyes, she essentially went into a five-to-six-hour coma, where she could hear everything going on around her. Joe was fascinated by it, because of course he was.

They sat back down, brushing the hair away from Ranboo’s face. “Techno, Phil, and Mumbo’ll be here any tick, Ranboo.” She spoke with a softness they often forgot they still had.

Ranboo, obviously, made no sign of moving.

At least their burns were healed up so quickly that no permanent scarring was left- the same with Tubbo. The only visible sign anything had happened to them was the cut right above their heart that was already healing over correctly. Ranboo and Tubbo could be sleeping. Cleo knew they were just sleeping, and she also knew a god apple would be able to wake them up. If potions were the medicine, those enchanted golden apples were the cure.

“You kids really like your suspense.” Cleo leaned back in the chair, having to shift to get comfortable. The chair was made with a child in mind, and Cleo was much, much bigger than a child. It was painted bright pink, so she could only assume it was Michael’s.

Michael had been staying with Scar in his elven tree house. He was being a real trooper through this whole ordeal, scribbling picture cards that he asked Scar to pass along to his dads, and finding flowers to pick for Grumbot while he was being patched up. Even though he wasn’t able to sleep alone anymore and crawled into Scar’s bed every night to curl up to him and Jellie, he had put on a brave face this whole time. He shouldn’t have to, but like father like son.

Cleo smoothed Ranboo’s hair back again. “What’s that one song you like? ‘M not much of a singer but-” Cleo sighed. “So bye-bye, Miss. American pie.”

The frantic gallop of a horse echoed across the bridge connecting the Hermissippi.

“Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry.”

Two heavy wing beats were heard overhead. One crow, and one bird of prey.

“And them good ol’ boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye, singin’-”

Wels drew his sword holding it out in front of him.

“This’ll be the day that I die.”

Everything outside came to a halt.

“This’ll be the day that I die…”

Techno, Philza, and Mumbo stood outside of the barn, just far enough away that Wels could only vaguely make out who they were. He recognized Techno on his horse. He recognized the ebony wings that came with the angel of death. But he was always caught off guard by Mumbo’s new, purple wings. At least new to him, Mumbo’s had them for years.

Wels held his sword out in front of him, squaring his shoulders as the horse started to trot towards him. He swore an oath to protect Hermitcraft from any foes that may step foot across her borders, and if that meant going toe to toe with old friends, then so be it.

The horse trotted up to the front of the barn, and stopped when Techno was just twenty blocks away. Techno stared down at Welsknight, who stared back up at him.

“Hello old friend.” Wels said, voice unwavering.

Techno hopped off of his horse, wrapping the lead around his hoof. “You’ve got somewhere I can put Carl? Unless I should just trot him into the livin’ room.” He said it jokingly, but by the look in his eyes, Wels knew this wasn’t a friendly visit.

Wels just sighed, dropping his shoulders. “Techno-”

“I’m serious, Wels. I don’t see a stable around here.”

“I- yeah. I don’t think Ranboo and Tubbo will have an issue with a horse in their lounge.” Wels didn’t want to fight Techno. He didn’t have the energy to. “Technoblade listen to me-”

“Where’s Ranboo?” Techno cut him off right there.

Wels reeled back like he had been slapped. “Upstairs. With Cleo. They’re stable. Doc is working on-”

Techno just turned back to Phil and Mumbo, who had been waiting just far enough away that Techno had to shout. “They’re upstairs!”

Phil and Mumbo both swooped down, Phil landing on Techno’s arm, and Mumbo kicking up dirt as he landed, his eyes just as violet as the mark in the center of his forehead.

Wels and Mumbo stared at each other, nearly eye to eye. Mumbo’s fingers twitched, already growing agitated from the prolonged eye contact.

“This wasn’t our fault.” Wels said. Simple as that.

Phil narrowed his eyes. “Wels, mate, do you remember when we met?”

“Yeah, and you tried to kill me?”

Philza grinned, like the bird who finally caught the mouse. “If I recall, one of us won that fight, and another one of us had to tell their army to retreat.”

Wels tensed up, gripping his sword tighter. “Like I just said. This. Wasn’t. Our. Faults. There’s nobody to blame here, so don’t go making up a pretend villain for your own sake. It’ll just come back to haunt you.”

“Yeah, thanks for the fortune cookie, but we’ll be seein’ Ranboo ‘n Tubbo now. Where’re the kids? I brought presents.” Techno said. “Like heck I’m lettin’ Tommy be a better uncle- aunt- what’s the gender-neutral word for- whatever- than me.”

“Scar is watching Michael.”

“And Grumbot?” Mumbo finally spoke, his feather a razor-sharp edge.

Wels grip on his sword tightened. “Zedaph, Cub, and Tango are working on it. He got injured as well.”

If looks could kill, Mumbo would’ve done what countless others had failed to do in the past and put Welsknight in the grave. He turned to Techno and Phil. “I’m going to see Michael. He- He’s probably scared out his wits.”

“Good thinking.” Phil said, talons digging into the leather guard wrapped around Techno’s arm. “I’d be freaked the fuck out too, if I were him.” He loosened his grip only to hop off.

“It was nice seein’ you, Wels. Really.” Techno said. “If things don’t go completely wrong in the span of the next hour, let’s all get a drink. All we’re missin’ is Pixl.”

Before Wels could retort, Techno was already leading his horse into the barn, Philza following. Wels’s mouth was agape as he just watched Mumbo soar off towards the Shopping District.

Wels was used to Techno and Phil’s attitudes. It was a side effect of hardship, of war, and it was something Wels had weaned off of when he became an official Hermit.

But Mumbo? Mumbo had never been like that before, not since he first joined, a scared and skinny kid with nowhere else to go, fresh out of a bloody tournament that lasted decades. Mumbo was, in some ways, the Hermitcraft golden child.

That’s why it pained Wels that he barely got a ‘hello’ when he practically helped Xisuma, Joe, and Cleo raise him.

“OH GOODNESS ME!” Xisuma shouted, leaping to his feet from the sofa. “THAT- that is- does he have to be inside?”

“Oh c’mon. It’s just Phil.” Techno easily quipped back.

“Hi mate.” Phil put his hand up in a half wave.

Joe laughed nervously, hands wringing the hem of her tank top. “I do believe he’s referrin’ to that horse you’ve got there.”

“That’s a rude thing to say about Phil.”

False couldn’t help but laugh behind her gloved hand. She blushed though, when Techno and Phil looked at her. “I uh- False. ‘m False. I’ll just- should I leave?” She glanced at Xisuma. “Is this my cue to leave?”

Techno wrapped the lead around one of the beams holding the foundation up. Carl was a good horse, and Tubbo was a good builder, so there were no worries from Techno. “Only if ya want. I mean, I ain’t stoppin’ you.”

Phil offered his hand to shake to False. It was the polite thing to do. “I’m Philza, I don’t think we’ve met. Nice to meet you, False.”

False shook his hand. “Nice to meet you too, Philza.”

Phil cracked a smile. “I don’t meet many other avians. You come from Sky? You look familiar.”

False shook her head. “Nah, but I’ve got family up there. ‘m from Cogsborough, little server, way out in the boonies.”

“I see, can’t say I’ve been.” Phil let go of her hand. “And obviously I don’t need to introduce myself to you.” He said, referring to Joe.

Joe laughed. “No, you do not, Philza Minecraft. Though in case ya need a refresher, howdy, I’m Joe Hills.” She offered their hand to shake, which Phil took. “Glad we can at least exchange pleasantries.”

“We’re not animals, mate.” Philza said, letting go of her hand after the shake.

Techno huffed at that, petting Carl’s muzzle. The horse chuffed, and Techno nodded. “Just wait here, bud. Then I’ll give ya your weight in golden carrots. And you’re a well-fed horse! That’s what- a good three sacks of carrots? You’ll be the horse equivalent of a king. Just don’t let it get to your head.”

Carl whinnied.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Techno opened up the saddle bag, taking out two parcels wrapped in tissue paper and twine. “Uh, where should I put these? I got ‘em for the kids, but accordin’ to Wels, we’ve got one outta commission and one with Scar.”

“Just put them on the counter.” Xisuma said. “You can bring them to Michael and Grumbot yourself. Zed, Cub, and Tango should be finishing up any click now.”

“And what about Ranboo?”

The air went still and silent. Phil stopped his banter with False and Joe. Even Carl had stopped scraping his hoof against the hardwood floors.

Xisuma took a deep breath. “I’m sure Wels told you-”

“Stable, I know.” Techno said. “But stable doesn’t give me much to go on. Are they stable like ‘they’re gonna wake up in a day’ or stable as in ‘Kristin’s gettin’ ready to pull the plug’?”

“Hey!”

“It’s just an expression, Phil, I’m bein’ facetious.”

Joe decided to cut in, seeing Xisuma was floundering for answers. “We’ve got ‘em both on potion IVs, so until Doc comes back with one of those enchanted god apples, it’s kind of a waitin’ game. I don’t think Kristin’s comin’ for either of ‘em any time soon, considerin’ the measures she took the first time round to stop that very thing happenin’.”

Techno and Phil both shuddered. Neither liked being reminded this wasn’t their first time around, and that they each had memories that didn’t quite line up. They were half missing puzzle pieces, and instead of trying to make them fit together, they just left them buried in the box.

“Joe’s right.” Xisuma said. “Have a little faith in them, yeah?”

Techno sighed. “Yeah, alright. Faith. Ya got a bell around here I can ring?” Techno pat his pockets. “I left my travel bell at home, an’ I don’t feel like slaughtering villagers just for a bell.”

“I do.” Phil said.

“I know, Phil.”

“I’m bloodthirsty!”

“Thank you, Phil.”

False reached around her wrist, and handed Techno a charm bracelet that had a bunch of small bells clipped around the chains. “It’s all I got on short notice, sorry. We can take you around to a village and you can just steal their bell?”

Techno gently took the bracelet. “...This’ll do. Thank you, False.”

“Eh, no problem. You can keep it.” False shrugged. “I’ve got a million shinies back at my base.”

Techno slipped the bracelet onto his wrist and listened to jingle. “You uh, part of the Chanem Pantheon?”

False shook her head. “Nah, but I know a bunch of people who do. Better to have one so we’re not searching all over the server for a bell.”

“That’s pretty smart!” Phil said, staring at the bracelet. “I shoulda thought of that!”

Joe and Xisuma both smiled, and Xisuma could’ve keeled over in relief. He was glad he knew how to talk Philza and Technoblade down, because if Hermitcraft had to go to war, he did not want to have to face the former rulers of the Antarctic Empire. It wouldn’t end well. For either party.

“Uncle Techno, Phil!”

Techno turned around, and grinned. “Hey, it’s the pint-sized piglet.” Techno kneeled down as Michael ran over and nearly barreled him to the ground. “Yeesh! You’re gettin’ big!”

Michael giggled. “I’ll be seven in May! That’s February on the DreamSMP!”

“Seven huh? Big year.” Techno at least assumed it was. He knew Overworlders made a big deal out of 18 and 21, but those were a ways away.

Michael nodded excitedly. “Daddy says he’s got a big surprise planned!”

“Well, I’d hope so. Phil, can ya hand me the thing?”

“Course mate.” Phil took the parcel from the counter and handed it to Techno. “Hey there Michael. You doin’ alright?”

Michael’s smile wavered, but he nodded. “Mhm. ‘m doing okay.”

“Good lad!” Phil ruffled his fur. “Good thing you’re tough, just like your dads.”

Michael didn’t want to be tough. Michael wanted his family back. But he just smiled and gave a polite nod. “Mhm!”

Xisuma made his way over to the doorframe where Mumbo was standing. He sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. “I assume you’re not staying?”

Mumbo shook his head. “Sorry X. I…I’m just not ready.”

“That’s okay, Mumbo.” Xisuma gave Mumbo the same kind and comforting smile he did all those years ago. “You take your time. Hermitcraft isn’t going anywhere.”

Mumbo caught Xisuma off guard by hugging him tight. Xisuma held back, placing his chin on top of Mumbo’s head. Xisuma couldn’t tell you how happy he was that Mumbo had gained fat, that he was healthy and happy. Even if it meant he wasn’t home.

Techno handed Michael the parcel. “Here, squirt. Thought you might like this. Consider it an early birthday present.”

Michael took the parcel from Techno and used his baby tusk to snap the twine. The wrapping paper was quickly torn off, and Michael held up- “Woooah. Is this-?”

“You’re of age to have one. I think? Phil, how old do kids typically get swords?”

“Sword? - OH GOODNESS ME!” Xisuma let go of the hug and nearly jumped out of his skin, seeing Michael wielding a child sized weapon. It was made of stone, perfectly polished to show his reflection, and was sharpened to a point. “TECHNOBLADE! PHILZA!”

Joe let out a nervous and high-pitched laugh. “Not this young! Maybe we hold off on the weaponry? What’s wrong with buildin’ blocks?”

Techno waved him off. “C’mon Joe, kid’s gotta learn sometime.”

“Yeah, I learned when I was his age!” False said. “Lost a toe, but still. I learned!”

Joe clutched their heart, feeling themself losing Joepacity by the tick. “Oh Kristin I can see the light-”

Phil laughed and clapped Joe on the back. “Ah he’ll be alright! Won’t cha Michael? You know not to do dumb shit with a sword.”

Michael gave the sword an experimental swing. He’s seen it a million times. From Eret, Puffy, and Niki. From Scar, Pearl, and Impulse. From his own aunt and fathers. They all had weapons that could protect and defend. They were all heroes. "I love it! Thank you!" His hooves fit perfectly around the leather and wooden handle.

“I am having a stroke.” Xisuma said, breaking through Michael’s daydream of heroism. “I’m- is this a stroke? Joe, what’re the signs of a stroke?”

“I wouldn’t know Sizooma, I’m in the same boat!”

Chapter Text

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME-”

“Tommy if you could just-”

“I LEAVE FOR FIVE DAYS. FIVE DAYS. AND EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT, ABSOLUTE DOG SHIT.”

“We have the situation handled-”

“I’M COMING BACK WITH PEARL AND GEM. I’M COMING TUBBO!”

“Wait, Tommy!”

Click.

Xisuma groaned, hand rubbing the side of his helmet as if he were rubbing his temples. He should have known calling Tommy and simply saying ‘Tubbo and Ranboo were injured, could you maybe stay on Empires for a few extra days?’ was like trying to tell a creeper not to explode, or a skeleton not to shoot, but he tried anyway. He tried, and now Techno was giving him an ‘I told you so’ look as he, Joe, and Phil sat with Michael in the grass, building with blocks.

Philza perched a little lego figure on top of a very tall, thin, and wobbly plastic tower. “What’re we calling the tower, Michael?”

Michael thought for a moment, then his ears perked up. “Hermitopia!”

“Hermitopia, huh?” Techno snorted, getting a vague tingle of deja vu. “Well Michael, Hermitopia seems a bit-” A gust of breeze made the tower sway. “...breakable. You’re never gonna keep enemies out with these defenses.”

Michael pouted; his arms crossed. “I’ve got strong defenses!” He gestured to his wooden figures; the Red King figure being perched on top of a pink plush pony. “See!”

Joe laughed good-naturedly, her hands flying as she constructed a simple villager house, very much not by the booklet. “Those are some mighty fine defenses you’ve got there! Can I ask why the horse is pink?”

Michael thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. “I like pink.”

“I like pink too, but I don’t think horses are pink.” Techno said. He was piecing bricks together to make what looked like a thick and sturdy wall- as thick and sturdy as lego bricks could get. They clicked together easily. “Phil, how come we never got these for Wilbur? I’m lovin’ this.”

Phil laughed as well. “I tried, he just kept eating them! I think if we had kept them, you’d have played with them more than him.”

“That is completely true, how dare you.”

Joe set down their villager house in the grass, then stood up to go sit next to Xisuma on the steps of the back door. “Emeralds for your thoughts, my friend?” Joe asked, snapping their fingers together.

Xisuma sighed, head propped up in his hands. “I don’t like feeling helpless.” He said. “I didn’t like it when you were in the med bay, and I don’t like it now.”

“Hey, I was right as rain in just a few weeks!” Joe moved her arm back and forth. He still had a faded scar running from her elbow to her shoulder, but she considered himself lucky. They got off easy. Easier than BDubs, Tango, and Stress that is. “Doc says he’s got a plan, and I trust Doc.”

“I trust Doc too, but I just don’t like waiting.” Xisuma pulled up his screen, double checking his private messages for the third time in the span of half an hour. It was nice seeing Mumbo’s name appearing back on the Whitelist, but Xisuma knew he’d go back to the DreamSMP as soon as Ranboo, Tubbo, and Grumbot were better.

Mumbo had flown off to Zedaph’s base where he, Tango, and Cub were tirelessly trying to fix Grumbot. His wiring was all Tubbo’s own design, so it was taking them ages to actually figure out the code. Enter Mumbo, who had practically taught Tubbo everything he knew. When he could, at least. He tried to fit years' worth of knowledge in the time between the election and Schlatt’s inauguration, then whatever he could teach while they were back in the Renchanting safe house. Suffice to say, Mumbo knew Tubbo’s redstone style, and he would get Grumbot up and running in no time.

If only the same could be said for Tubbo and Ranboo.

A stronger breeze blew by, and Michael’s tower came crumbling down, splattering lego bricks across the lawn.

“Aw.” Michael said with a frown. “My tower.”

“It’s alright mate.” Phil pat him on the back. “We can rebuild it.”

“Grumbot’s better at building than I am.” Michael said. “He knows about texturing ‘n stuff.”

Techno and Phil both looked at each other. Techno started to scoop the pieces back up, clicking them together. “I might not be the best builder around-” Techno started as he connected to pieces. “But I do know that once your brother is all better, you two can get back to buildin’. For now-” Techno handed Michael a mass of yellow bricks, made to resemble a gold bar. Just like trading in the nether. Techno was trading his gold for Michael’s worry. “Hope this’ll do?”

Michael gently took the ‘gold’ and beamed, giving a nod. “It’ll do, Uncle Techno.”

Xisuma put a hand over his heart. “Oh goodness me-”

Techno’s head turned to Xisuma, and pretended to glare. “This stays between the- one, two three- the five of us. Got it, old man?”

“Old man?!” Xisuma exclaimed, while Joe keeled over cackling. “I’m younger than PHIL! Michael- Michael how old do you think I am.”

Michael wrinkled up his nose in thought. “Like really old. Like, thirty.”

Joe was losing her fucking mind. His hands were wrapped around their stomach, and honestly Xisuma was worried she was going to bust a gut. Philza was the same as he slapped his knee, a laugh like a tea kettle coming from his mouth.

“It is way too easy to entertain you people.” Techno chuffed and rolled his eyes. Whether he was referring to the peanut gallery of voices spamming ‘Techno Old’ that was his Chat, or the grown men laughing harder than the actual child, who was much more focused on taking the legos and building up a stable for the plush pink pony. Techno smiled, noticing the ‘gold bar’ tucked into the front pocket of Michael’s overalls.

Gold was a very precious thing, depending on who you asked.

Gold wasn’t very good for weapons and armors. As pretty as it looked, the only people who wore such armor were the rich and wealthy, who would never have to fight a day in their lives. Or admins, who simply wear the armor as a means of aesthetic. It was usually seen as a garbage ore in pvp circles, but that didn’t mean it didn’t have its merits.

Golden apples, for example.

Anybody could coat an apple in liquid cold, dip that in hot sugar to caramelize it, then eat it for a few extra hearts during a fight. Anybody could buy them at a gas station and it’d be the same as downing any energy drink, just with the added bonus of increased stamina. They were packaged as snack sized now, which was funny to older players, who remembered when gapples were placed under the same limitations as alcohol or cigars. Now anybody of any age could purchase them with pocket change.

It was the enchanted golden apples you had to watch out for.

One bite of an enchanted golden apple could reverse some of the most serious ailments, if used right away. Entire plagues could have been eradicated with just one of those appropriately named ‘god apples’. Broken bones could be snapped back in place, the bone physically regrowing to connect the fracture. Someone on the brink of death from a gruesome battle could take just one bite and would be able to make it back home to their loved ones.

That’s why they could only be found, and not made.

But this was Hermitcraft. The gods favorite server, at least in the eyes of those who had never stepped foot onto the server firsthand. This was a server allowed to break as many rules as possible, and never even get a slap on the wrist.

Clearly not many knew the story of DocM77.

Because if they did, they’d know two things. Doc played by his own rules. And he certainly was no god’s favorite.

With no fear of repercussion, Doc was determined each and every season to do something that disturbed the fabric of the game. Whether that be spawner glitching, the poppy technology, strange shaped nether portals, or literally creating an artificial life. DocM77 could do it all. The world was at his fingertips.

So why shouldn’t he be able to create the elusive enchanted golden apple?

It was in his nature to do the impossible.

Doc had already scoured mineshafts, dungeons, and even flew out all the way to the world border to try and search for a pillager outpost. All the enchanted gapples that had been found were used in the early game, and the only ones that were untouched sat on the other side of that border. They didn’t have the time for Xisuma to set up a meeting with the devs and beg for early access to the update that was coming- they needed those enchanted apples now. Time was running out, and even though Tubbo and Ranboo were stable, stable didn’t translate to alive and well.

Doc should know. He constantly told the other Hermits that Stress, Tango, and BDubs had been ‘stable’ on the Hermitheus, when really, he should have said, ‘I don’t know if they’ll survive another night.’ Thankfully he was proven wrong, and they did, but since the universe loved screwing Doc over, he didn’t dare have the optimism that Tubbo and Ranboo would wake up in case it was spun on its head.

He stared at the golden apple, freshly hot and coated in boiling sugar, sitting perched on top of a plate that was sitting on top of a stand meant to hold a beaker. It was just sitting there, taunting him.

His other attempts were in the trash can. Apple cores that were shriveled and rotten, some fuming and charred, and some nothing but powder. So far nothing Doc had tried yielded any results, and he was losing his patience. With himself, and with whatever Dev decided that enchanted golden apples were forbidden knowledge. It was probably Dinnerbone.

That bastard.

Doc couldn’t blame all his problems on his nemesis though, even if it was one of his favorite past times. So far, the list of things Doc blamed on him was Tommy being missing for so long, the loss of his arm, every creeper that had ever blown up one of his projects, daylight savings, and the seagull that had stolen his sandwich that one time six years ago. Now he could add unattainable apples to the list.

What was he missing? He had tried coating it in glowstone, in ghast tears, in magma cream. He had tried dipping it in regen, healing, and turtle potions. There had to be something he was doing wrong, and he had to figure out what that something was fast. He had failed once. He wasn’t going to fail again, not when he had been given a second chance.

DocM77 would never dare pray.

But there was no one around to say he didn’t. And there was only one goddess he could trust now. The same goddess who had given him his daughter.

He looked up at the ceiling. “This is humiliating.” He muttered under his breath. “The answer is probably right in front of me. I just- I’m running out of time. Can you- ah forget it.” He looked back down, cutting the ‘prayer’ short. What good has praying ever done? Doc only chose Sarah out of respect, and because, well, the goddess of Life would probably know a thing or two about regenerative magical apples.

Doc ran a hand through his hair, and when he moved his arm the table rattled. Two potions were knocked over, staining a stack of paper he had piled neatly. He cursed under his breath and reached for a rag to clean up the mess, when he noticed what two potions spilled.

Regeneration.

And strength.

Doc’s brow furrowed. He had tried both of those already. The regeneration potion had made the apple expand until it popped, and the strength potion had made the layers shrivel and peel away until only the core was left.

He held the two empty bottles in his hands, his other two hands wiping up the mess on the table.

Regeneration.

Strength.

Two potions. Two.

Doc nearly dropped the beakers in his realization.

Regeneration and Strength II. Two potions with double effects.

He looked back up at the ceiling. “It can NOT be that simple.” He shook his head, but regardless, started to brew the potions. What did he have to lose if it was wrong?

Everything. He had everything to lose.

Regeneration potions were easy. It was just 2 milliliters of ghast tears stirred for two clicks. It was simple. A child could do it. But then strength II. Doc had to crush the blaze rods into blaze powder with a mortar and pestle- the only tool witches, wizards, and scientists all shared. He’d have to let it sit for five clicks, and while it sat in the awkward potion, Doc got to work sifting out the rocks of glowstone, until only the shimmering yellow dust was left. He sprinkled it into the now red potion like it was parmesan cheese, and watched the vial turn a murky maroon.

The golden apple still sat on the plate. Taunting him. But this time, Doc had a clap back.

When the potion was done bubbling and it layered itself out- a white film at the top and a red film at the bottom- Doc knew it was ready. He took it off the burner, not even bothering with gloves. He didn’t have the time for proper lab safety when lives were at risk.

He slowly dipped the potion onto the apple.

Doc was knocked back by the sheer force of the sudden explosion. He groaned as he hit the wall, feeling a throb in his left shoulder where metal met fur. He cursed again and stood up, shaking his head. He waited for the golden smoke to clear, and as he squinted, he swore he could see a figure. But he had to be imagining things.

When the fog cleared, Doc stepped forward onto the table.

Sitting perched onto the plate was a singular golden apple, shimmering a pale pink, the stem having grown and sprouted leaves. Doc slowly reached out and held it in his hands, turning it over like the world’s most precious gemstone.

It was more valuable than a gemstone.

This was going to save lives,

“I suppose a thank you is in order.” Doc said to thin air. “...Why do you keep helping me? What do you get out of this?”

He of course got no reply back.

Doc wasn’t about to look a gift goddess in the mouth. He let his elytra spread and soared out the villager house he had been using as a makeshift lab and soared back towards the barn.

Just in time to.

< TommyInnit joined the game >

< GeminiTay joined the game >

< PearlescentMoon joined the game >

Tommy wasted no time spreading her wings and running into a frantic flight towards Tubbo’s base. She had sprouted wings the tick she got the call from Xisuma- the wings being nearly triple the size of Grian’s, and were the sickly yellow of a canary. She tore through clouds to get across the server and kicked up a cloud of dirt when she landed.

“TUBBO! RANBOO!” She shouted, practically kicking down the door. The whole barn rattled, and before Xisuma could open the back door and run inside the kitchen, she was already headed up the stairs.

“Tommy, wait!” Xisuma shouted, but waiting was the last thing Tommy wanted to do.

She reached the top of the stairs, and when she turned her head towards Grumbot and Michael’s room let out a strangled scream. It had only been back in August when Ranboo comatose from Wilbur and Quackity’s stupid fight. That was barely even half a year! And now they were back in the same position, except this time Cleo was by their bedside instead of Scar, Mumbo, and Jimmy.

“Tommy.” Cleo said. “Tommy, you need-”

“Don’t [beep]-ing tell me what I need to do!” Tommy snapped. She turned towards the door to Tubbo and Ranboo’s room, opening it with a click. “No- No! TUBBO!”

Tommy ran to Tubbo’s bedside, kneeling on the floor. Hot tears filled her eyes as she remembered the festival. She was helpless as Technoblade shot firework after firework- helpless as she and Grian carried Tubbo back to Renchanting. And she was helpless now. She wasn’t even on server! Maybe if she had been…

She took Tubbo’s hand. The flesh one. His prosthetic had been blown clean off, leaving a healed over nub. Tommy fought the urge to start bawling right then and there. “Don’t you- don’t you [beep]-ing die on me, Toby you [beep].” She rubbed circles in his knuckles.

Cleo placed a hand on her shoulder. “Doc’s said they’re both stable.” They knew, like Doc, that ‘stable’ was just a bunch of horse shit, but that didn’t stop her from repeating the same lie, just to give Tommy a shred of hope. “He’s working on something, and you know Doc, he’s not gonna give up till he finds it.”

Tommy wiped her eyes. “...Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Comforting me…you’re crying too.”

Cleo touched their cheek. Huh. What do you know? Cleo still knew how to cry. “Let’s just say I know what it’s like to scare the [beep] out of someone, and then bounce back.” They ran her hands across her wrist, where stitches should be, Where bone should be poking out. Instead, it was flawless green skin, smooth and without a blemish. Like marble.

Tommy rested her chin on the bed, just looking at Tubbo like a sick puppy. “Tubbo, if you can [beep]-ing hear me, you and Ranboo have got to stop scaring me. I’m gonna [beep]-ing keel over one of these days. I’m gonna die of Grian, which has to be the lamest way to die. I mean, can you imagine that death message? ‘TommyInnit had a Grian’? I don’t think that’s been added to the game yet.”

Cleo chuckled and headed back towards Ranboo. She sat back down, and after Tommy talking for a few clicks, she got up to see Ranboo.

Tommy sniffled. “Ranboo you [beep]-ing idiot.” Tommy sat on the floor, her knees digging into the rug. “You promised Tubbo and the kids you wouldn’t do stupid [beep] anymore. Pretty sure this qualifies as stupid.” Tommy didn’t even know the full story. She wasn’t referring to Ranboo getting injured as stupid but referring to scaring the shit out of everybody by being comatose again.

“They can hear you.” Cleo said.

Tommy’s brow furrowed. “How could you possibly know that?”

Cleo cracked a smile. “Cuz I could hear Joe the whole time.”

Before Tommy could ask Cleo what the hell they meant, they heard the front door swing open, and an “OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE” from Xisuma. Footsteps bounded up the steps, and Tommy knew right away it was Doc.

“You better know how to fix them!” Tommy exclaimed.

Doc’s hackles were raised from the burst of flight, but his expression softened seeing Tommy’s tear stained face. “Tommy, step aside.” He said gently, taking the apple from his inventory.

Cleo let out a low whistle. “You actually found one.”

“Found, made, tomato potato.” Doc waved her up, propping Ranboo up in a sitting position.

Tommy’s eyes blew wide. “You [beep]-ing MADE a god apple?! Have you lost the plot! You’re gonna lose another arm! Or worse!” Tommy’s voice raised at least three octaves, his wings fluttering like a fledgling trying to take off.

“They can try.” Doc said. He opened Ranboo’s jaw, and stuck the apple in. “Just one bite…”

Ranboo’s jaw scraped against the apple’s peel.

And then snapped open, glowing that familiar Enderwalk purple.

Chapter Text

Tubbo has been awake for all of five clicks and was already trying to get out of bed and down the stairs. He grumbled about needing to put on his boots and coat, giving Tommy, Cleo, and Doc heart attacks.

“You get your sorry [beep] back up those stairs Toby!” Tommy exclaimed, shoving against Tubbo’s chest. Tubbo was already halfway down the stairs, Tommy trying to block him from the front. “Cod almighty you’re built like a brick [beep] house- get back in bed!”

“I don’t NEED to get back in bed, Tommy.” Tubbo didn’t mean to snap, but the longer he lingered, the longer Cub, Zed, and Tango poked and prodded at his son. They didn’t know his wiring like Tubbo did- they’d hurt him!

Tommy kept shoving, but Tubbo remained unmoving. It was a classic unstoppable force vs immovable object, and the only thing that could possibly get Tubbo to lay back down was knowing for sure that Grumbot would be turned back on soon. But he knew that they were still working on him. At least now, from what Tubbo could hear, Mumbo was with him.

Doc was at the top of the stairs, his arms crossed. “Tubbo, Tommy’s right. Get back in bed.” He tried to keep his tone gentle. “Just let me check your vitals. If everything looks fine, then you’re free to go, alright? That sound fair?”

Tubbo grumbled but gave a curt nod and stomped up the stairs like the moody, half-asleep teenager he was. Tommy, now without the sudden mass of Tubbo to keep her balanced, wobbled and landed comically on her face. She groaned and propped herself back up, jogging till she was back at Tubbo’s bedside along with Doc. She opted to sit on the edge of the bed, Doc just loafing on the floor since he couldn’t fit into any of the chairs.

“Tell me Doc.” She said, dramatically. “Is he gonna make it?”

Tubbo snorted out a laugh. “It’s gonna take a lot more to kill me, Tommy.” He settled back in bed, and his eyes lingered on the door frame.

From across the way, he could see Ranboo awake and sitting up in bed. They had a blank expression on their face, eyes glowing violet. Cleo was trying to talk to them, but they didn’t say a word. It’d be different if they were speaking Enderian, because at least Cleo knew Enderian fluently. But they were just silent.

Doc put the cool stethoscope on Tubbo’s chest, just above his bandages, that thanks to the god apple, were now useless and could be removed. “Deep breaths?”

Tubbo took a deep breath in. Then a deep breath out.

He couldn’t remember the last time he actually had a checkup. It was probably when Wilbur had taken him to a walk-in clinic on Skyblock before they arrived on the DreamSMP because Tubbo had a cold. He was just given antibiotics, and Wilbur learned his lesson to do more research into what clinics he took them to, because this one charged a hefty sum of diamonds he just didn’t have.

“Good. Stable heartbeat.” Doc said.

“I’d sure [beep]-ing hope his heart is stable.” Tommy said, scooting a little closer to Tubbo. Tubbo went to hold her hand, only to remember her prosthetic had been blown off. So Tommy just opted to sit as close to him as possible without them actually touching. Not until Tubbo was ready, or at least cleared for a hug.

“Thank you, peanut gallery.”

“You’re very much welcome! Where would you be without your peanut gallery?”

“With one less headache.” Tubbo grumbled, and smirked when Tommy sputtered like a dying engine for a response.

Tommy huffed. She wasn’t pouting. She was absolutely not pouting. “You love my commentary.”

“Yeah, when it’s directed at some other poor idiot.” Tubbo held his arm out as Doc clamped a blood pressure monitor around it. He made no signs of flinching when it started to tighten, only when Doc ripped the Velcro off and it snagged a little.

Doc made a small noise in the back of his throat, like he was thinking. “Your blood pressure is…unnaturally high.”

“Story of my life, amiright?” Tubbo looked at Tommy, who immediately started giggling. “Maybe check Grian;’s blood pressure.”

“I did.” Doc said. “Back on the Hermitheus. He broke the monitor.”

Tommy laughed so hard she had to hold her stomach. She leaned against the wall to stop herself from keeling over. “Shut the [beep] up, Tubbo, only one of us can have a near death experience at a time.” She said through her own laughter.

“I’d also prefer not to have a Grian.” Doc said. “Everything looks fine but-”

Tubbo was out of his bed in an instant. He didn’t even bother with a thank you, just striding into Ranboo’s room. He looked at Cleo, who got up from the seat they were in without a word. She just gave Tubbo a squeeze on the shoulder, before heading back down the stairs to go into the backyard. Xisuma was sure to be having his own heart attack from seeing Doc suddenly run into the house, and of course they had to tell Phil, Techno, Joe, and Michael.

Tubbo settled into the pink plastic chair and took Ranboo’s hand with his free one. He squeezed it twice, looking just above Ranboo’s eyes, at the start of his horns. “Bug?” He said softly. "☊⏃⋏ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊑⟒⏃⍀ ⋔⟒?"

"⟟'⋔ ⌇⍜ ⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬, ⏁⎍⏚⏚⍜."

Tubbo’s brow furrowed. "⊬⍜⎍'⎐⟒ ☌⍜⏁ ⋏⍜⏁⊑⟟⋏☌ ⏁⍜ ⏚⟒ ⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬ ⎎⍜⍀, ⏚⍜⌇⌇ ⋔⏃⋏."

Ranboo squeezed Tubbo’s hand in both of their’s. Hot tears started to sizzle against their face. “⟟ ⊑⎍⍀⏁ ⊬⍜⎍."

A frown tightened on Tubbo’s face, and he moved from the chair to sit down on the bed. He leaned his head against Ranboo’s, their foreheads pressing together. He didn’t say anything, but the hold on his hand loosened. One of Ranboo’s hand were placed on his cheek instead, rubbing soft circles against the healed over scar tissue. Tubbo cracked a smile at the gesture, and hearing Ranboo purr. "⊬⍜⎍ ☊⍜⎍⌰⎅⋏'⏁ ⊑⎍⍀⏁ ⋔⟒ ⟟⎎ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏁⍀⟟⟒⎅."

It took a few ticks to get a response. Tubbo thought he had struck a nerve, but when his eyes flitted back up, he was met with red and green instead of purple. But they were still filled with tears, giving them fresh new tear tracks against their black and white skin.

“Hey Ranboo.” Tubbo said softly. “You back to earth?”

“Y-Yeah I- what happened, Tubbo?” Ranboo asked. Now it was their turn to look dazed and confused.

Tubbo rubbed shapes against Ranboo’s hand, his thumb creating divots in their knuckles. “I…I honestly don’t know. I can’t remember much.”

Ranboo gave a half laugh. “Then we’re in the same boat. I remember you coming home but after that…”

“All blurry?”

“Not blurry, just not there.” Ranboo shook their head.

Tubbo squeezed their hand again, rhythmically like a heartbeat. “You were just in your Enderwalk. And you said you were sorry for hurting me.”

“I hurt you!?” Ranboo exclaimed. They quickly pulled away from Tubbo, ears pinned back and tail on end. They stared up at the ceiling so they wouldn’t have to look Tubbo’s in the eyes, not trusting their own uncertainty. They had hurt Tubbo? How? Why? The questions brought bubbling panic, which only subsided when Tubbo put two hands on his cheeks, bringing their face down to his.

“Hey, look, I’m fine.” Tubbo said. “You’re fine. We’re both fine.”

Ranboo’s deep and shuddering breaths slowly steadied, and they let out a whistle of air, their shoulders slumping. They put their hand above Tubbo’s, and slowly lowered their eyes to look at Tubbo. He always had such beautiful green eyes- Ranboo could get lost in them.

Tubbo cracked a smile when he heard them purring. “There you are. We’re gonna figure this out, Bug, I promise.” He pressed a kiss to Ranboo’s lips, and was more than happy when Ranboo returned it.

They only pulled away when Doc cleared his throat.

“I uh-” He rubbed the back of his neck, a red flush under his fur. “I need to do Ranboo’s vitals.”

Tubbo laughed, moving away from Ranboo. He sat back down in the too small chair. “Yeah, yeah. Prude.”

Doc’s hackles raised. “I am not a prude! I just need to check their vitals, then you can go back to…that.” Doc sat back down on the floor.

“And by THAT-” Tommy said, because of course she had to be the center of attention. She leaned against the wall. “- he means being gross and married and all that gross married [beep].”

Tubbo rolled his eyes. “It’s been nearly four years, Tommy. When are you gonna get over it?”

“When you’re not locking lips every five clicks!” Tommy exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.

Doc got to work through Tommy and Tubbo’s squabbling. Doc put a stethoscope up to Ranboo’s left heart, and then their right. Both heart rates were stable. And just like with Tubbo, Ranboo’s blood pressure was through the roof.

“Hm.” Doc said to himself.

“‘Hm’? Why ‘hm’? What’s ‘hm’?” Tubbo was immediately on edge, squeezing Ranboo’s hand so tight that Ranboo thought it might pop.

Doc thought for a tick. “Tommy, can I see your arm?”

“...Why?” Tommy narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“I promise no needles.” Doc said. Tommy slowly extended her arm, and Doc wrapped the blood pressure device around it. She winced as it tightened around skin, and Doc's brow raised at the results. “All three of you have…exceedingly high blood pressure for your age.”

Tommy practically ripped the Velcro off of her arm. “Well duh, I coulda told you that, and I know absolutely jack [beep] about all this.” Tommy vaguely gestured to the shulker box of medical supplies Doc had set down on the floor.

“Does that not concern any of you?”

“Nope.” Tubbo said simply.

Ranboo shrugged. “What’re you gonna do?”

Doc shakes his head. “I’ve met corpses less nihilistic than you three.”

“Do we get a medal out of it?” Tommy said, leaning over Doc with a shit eating grin on her face.

“I’M going to need blood pressure medication.” Doc rubbed his temples before standing up, heaving the shulker onto his back and strapping it down. “From what I can tell, all of your vitals look...fine. Like you’d never been injured in the first place. That god apple thankfully fixed you up, but I still ask you two to take it easy. For the sake of the people who’ve spent the past two days panicking.”

Tubbo huffed. “You’re asking me to take it easy? Doc, have you just met me?”

Doc gave Tubbo the same look he used to give Tommy as a child when she would start sassing him. He was well aware all her sass came from him, but still! “You’ve just aged the entire server ten years. Techno and Philza were ready to turn spawn into a crater.”

Ranboo’s eyes widened. “Techno and Phil are here!?”

“Yes, they’ve been here since this morning.” Doc said. “I’ll go get them. They’re outside with Xisuma, Joe, and-”

“DADDY! PAPA!”

Doc nearly barreled over a toddler running at the speed of light. He thankfully jumped out of the way before he could accidentally step on Michael and scurried back down the stairs. It was getting crowded, and he wanted to give the family some space.

“Michael!” Tubbo cried in relief when Michael ran into the room. He scooped him up into his arms, pressing a kiss to his head. “Oh, honeybee daddy missed you so much.”

“Michael!” Tommy exclaimed. “There’s my nephew, are you alright mate?”

Tears immediately started to run down Michael’s face as he buried his face in Tubbo’s shoulder. He hiccupped over and over until they turned into sobs. “D-Daddy, papa..”

Ranboo moved out of bed to kneel on the floor next to the chair. “Hey, hey, you’re okay, ⏚⟒⟒, it’s okay. Daddy and papa are okay.”

Michael sniffled. “But-but you were! Grumbot! You all looked-!”

Tubbo just hugged him tighter. “We’re so, so sorry for scaring you, Michael. We’re both okay, and as soon as I can get to your brother, I know he’ll be okay too.” Tubbo rubbed up and down his back. “Can you do the breathing thing, honeybee? Can ya do that?”

Michael nods. He takes in a deep breath and holds it for four. Then hold for seven. And out for eight.

“Is that better?” Ranboo asked gently.

“Mhm.” Michael gave a nod, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of this jumper.

Tommy reached into her bag, pulling out a scrap of fabric for Michael to use as a hankie. Michael mumbled a thank you and dabbed his eyes with the thin cotton, sniffling.

“That’s good, we’re so proud of you.” Tubbo bounced Michael on his knee, kissing him again. He handed him off to Ranboo, and got up out of the chair. “Grumbot’s with Tango, Cub, Mumbo, and Zed at Tango’s haunted manor thing. I’ll be back soon, I swear.” Tubbo pressed a kiss to Ranboo’s cheek.

Ranboo frowned but nodded. They couldn’t remember what happened to Grumbot, just that he was hurt after…

After…

No matter how hard Ranboo tried to remember what had happened, they just couldn’t. Their brow furrowed, starting to look visibly distressed. What had happened that injured Tubbo, Grumbot, and themself? Surely nothing like Dream, because then the whole server would be in a state of panic. Was it a mob? Ranboo just didn’t know. And that was scaring the hell out of them.

Tubbo turned to Tommy. “You wanna join me, or stay here?”

“I’ll come with ya.” Tommy said, adjusting her bag against her shoulders. “Cub’s a bit of a nut case, and I wanna make sure he’s not doing weird science bull[beep] to my bloomin’ nephew.”

Tubbo snickered as the two walked down the steps. “Bloomin’?”

Tommy groaned. “Tubbo. My best friend. My BROTHER. I have had a week, let me tell you.”

“Yeah, you and me both.” Tubbo said. He opened the front door, letting Tommy walk out first. “When we get Grumbot, we’ll swing by the new egg hunt set up. Jevin finished it, and I was gonna go before all this [beep] happened. It sounded pretty fun.” Tubbo shoved his hand in his pocket as he strolled alongside Tommy. Since he couldn’t hold her hand, he just bumped her shoulder.

Tommy bumped back. “Sounds fun. Why eggs?”

Tubbo shrugged. “I don’t think they’re, like, actual eggs. I think they’re plushies of some sort, at least that’s what I heard around the Shopping District.” Tubbo was acting so casual, like he hadn’t been unconscious for the past two days. The only indication anything was wrong, was the limp he was now walking with.

Tommy took notice of this and opened her inventory. “You’re gonna use this, and if I hear a single [beep]-ing complaint, I’m gonna clobber you with it.” Her cane fell into her hands, and she shoved it towards Tubbo.

Tubbo huffed. “Tommy, that’s your cane. I’m not using your- why is it pink?”

“Huh? Oh, I painted it- THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT!” She took Tubbo’s hand out of his pocket and made him clamp down on the handle. “Cane. Use it. Now. Least till we get to Tango’s.”

Tubbo rolled his eyes, but he continued on the path using Tommy’s cane. It felt weird to be doing so. He had only used a cane a few times before, on his worst pain days. But the stares he got just weren’t worth it. A mix of pity and confusion. It was just better to forgo it. Except now that he actually was walking with one after all this time, it didn’t feel so bad.

Tommy had a cocky smirk plastered on her face. “See, I told you.”

“Oh, shut up.” Tubbo shoved her again, both of them laughing at each other.

Back at the barn, Ranboo was being hugged till they nearly popped by a twittering Philza. They laughed nervously, patting him on the back. “It’s good to see you again?” They said.

“Do you have any idea how worried we were?!” Phil practically squawked, pulling away, but still keeping a firm grip on their shoulders. “Worried sick!”

“I mean, we’ve been worried sick for maybe about eight hours.” Techno said.

“That’s eight hours too many!” Phil exclaimed. His feathers ruffled, looking Ranboo over. “That god apple seemed to do the trick, but are you sure you don’t need anything? Advil? Tea? You definitely need to rest, that’s for sure.”

Ranboo laughed, sitting back down in bed. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Some tea would be nice, actually.”

“I’ll go and make you some.” Joe said. They knew where Ranboo and Tubbo kept their dishes and tea, having babysat enough time. Hell, he knew where everything in the kitchen was at this point. She gave Ranboo’s shoulder a quick squeeze and flashed them a smile. “We’re real glad you’re alright, Ranboo. It’s been a crazy few days.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Ranboo rubbed the back of their neck.

“There’s no need for sorrys.” Joe said kindly. “Michael, ya wanna come help?”

Michael looked between Joe and Ranboo, unsure.

Ranboo kissed his head. “Go on. I’ll be right here when you get back.”

Michael gave Ranboo a quick hug before following Joe out into the hall, taking her hand. “Can we make iced tea too?”

“I think that’d be a swell idea, Michael!”

When Michael and Joe were out of earshot, Techno turned to Ranboo frowned. “Ranboo, what exactly happened?” He asked, his voice serious. “Were you attacked?”

Ranboo takes a deep breath. “I don’t know?”

“You don’t know?” Phil tried really hard not to sound surprised. “What- what do you mean?”

“It means I don’t know.” Ranboo tugged at their hair, a braid that hung across their shoulder. Cleo must’ve braided it while they were out. “I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

“Hoooo shit.” Phil laughed, but it was nervous, and high pitched. “That! Hm! That’s not great!”

“Ranboo.” Techno put a hand on their shoulder. “Do…do you think you’d be safer back in The Arctic? Or do you need us to stay here?”

Ranboo shook their head. “No, no I don’t think you need to stay here. And I think I’m safer with the Hermits. Not- not that you’re not capable! I mean- ah crap- I mean- I don’t know what happened. But at least The Hermits were all here. And I have a lot of lives here! Like, all the lives. I think I’m okay. But thank you. Really. I couldn't ask you to uproot your whole lives just for me, either. I just- I promise to take it easy.”

“Of course, Ranboo.” Techno pulled them into a hug. “And you better take it easy- Why do we only ever seem see each other on holidays and near-death experiences? I don't wanna have a heart attack every time I visit Hermitcraft. I like my heart, and that'd be a lame way to die.”

Ranboo laughed. “I promise next time you come over it won’t be for a near death experience.”

“Good.” Phil sighed in relief, joining the hug. “Dunno if my heart can take any more excitement.”

Chapter Text

‘I am among the lucky. Though there were forty of us who set out towards the ocean, only five of us remain. I feel a deep, deep sorrow and an aching guilt for the people who put their lives on the line to head out for the Ocean Queen’s aid. They called me mad. They said she was just a legend.

By the stars they were wrong.

When we hit rougher waters, I was pleaded with to turn back. We could find another way to stop the drought. But I knew our solution lay under the seas. I pushed us to keep going, and the last thing I remember before awakening was a wave, larger than any building. I thought it may have been holding hands with the sun before it slammed down onto our boat like a mighty gust of wind.

We washed up not too far from the Ocean Empire, according to the kind man who pulled us from the water. I wasn’t the first to wake up, but I was the first to be given a healing potion, as I had hit my head against the dock. The nurse insisted I lay down, but I wanted to meet the man who saved my life, my crew’s life. Give him my gratitude.

The man is called The Codfather. I cannot see his face as it is hidden by what appears to be a taxidermy mask of a fish, called a cod. But he told me to call him Jimmy. Jimmy. Such a simple name for an extraordinary man. When we explained our mission to him, he was more than happy to lend a hand…flipper? Fin? I don’t quite know what he is, but I don’t need to know to respect him.

We leave for The Ocean Empire in the morning, who just so happens to be this Codfather’s sister. Then we will go back home, to the desert, and fix this drought. I am finally going to do good by my people.

I have no need to draft this by candlelight, as the swamp is illuminated with fireflies. The mosquitoes are more of a nuisance, but the citizens who found us gave us a soothing balm that keeps them away. There’s ripe and delicious fruit that hangs from the drooping vines of the trees- willows they’re called. Though the water is murky, that doesn’t deter the fishermen from casting lines out and bringing in giant bundles of fish. It’s quite intriguing- I’ve never seen so many fish in my life. Or any fish for that matter.

I was under the impression all fish were terrifying killers, much to Jimmy’s amusement. But when I told him of my father, of the creature who murdered him, Jimmy’s face clouded into an anger I couldn’t fathom. He sympathized with my wariness, even offering a prayer for my father. We took a moment of silence, just listening to the idle chatter around us.

“If your first impression of us was a salmon, then I can’t blame you for being on edge.” Jimmy had said over dinner. Which was divine, I have to say. He prepared it himself, with herbs and spices I’d never heard of, and doing something with the fish called ‘fileting’.

“The only good salmon-” He continued, cutting the fish on his plate clean in half. “Is a dead salmon.”

I feel inclined to agree with him.

I apologize for my ramblings, but there is just so much I have to say. I’ve never traveled so far from my home before, and everything is just so new. The food, the atmosphere, even the clothes. I must admit, it is amusing to see my crewmates grow flustered over the sheer fabrics, low necklines, and exposed ankles. I have no such desires, so I’m able to observe without my face turning into a redstone lamp. And oh, there is just so much to observe! The Cod Empire is fascinating, and I am quite excited to see what the Ocean Empire has in store.

There is something about Jimmy. Nothing bad, I assure you, he is one of the kindest souls I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. But that mark on his wrist. Where three red hearts should be, as a normal player should have, he has a singular red heart, with two black curves inside of it. A Hardcore Heart. Just like my brother.

Of course, I am not going to point this out, that would be rude. But…maybe I should tell him about my brother. Let Jimmy know there is another in this world like him. I have not disclosed my supposed immortality to him yet, and the crew, the grandchildren and great children of old friends of mine, are so used to it that it isn’t even worth bringing up as a fun fact anymore. A curse for me is just a part of everyday life for them.

How I wish my brother could see this place. He always talked about traveling far and wide, but did he know that a place so wonderful existed just across the continent? I hope he is enjoying his travels. And I hope he finds what he is looking for.

I’m still trying to figure that out for myself. But I have a good feeling about The Ocean Empire and The Cod Empire. I have a good feeling about Jimmy- P.R’

“Wilbur, man, you’ve gotta get out of this van.” Renbob looked at Wilbur with a frown, hands on his hips.

That made Wilbur sit right up, throwing off his blanket. “You’re throwing me out!?”

“What?! No, no of course not, I’d never do that!” Renbob exclaimed. “I meant fresh air, man! I’m asking you to take a walk or somethin’!”

Wilbur groaned and laid back down, pulling the blankets back over his face. He hugged the diary to his chest, practically curled up in a ball. “I don’t need fresh air, Renbob.”

Renbob sat on the edge of the couch, moving Wilbur’s legs. “Man ever since our call with Impy and Ren you’ve been major down in the dumps. I can’t stand seein’ you like this.” He rubbed his hand up and down Wilbur’s arm.

Wilbur used his wings like an extra layer of blanket, cocooning around his face and torso. He didn’t see the point of leaving the van, of doing anything but sit around and wallow in his own self-pity. At least he had the diary to read. That was pretty much the only thing he did besides sleep, eat whatever Renbob put in front of him, and smoke. There was no reason to do anything else.

First Wilbur had thought he heard Impulse and Ren wrong. Tommy couldn’t be visiting Empires! She was a Hermit now. She had no reason to come onto Empires, but when Wilbur learned she was visiting Jimmy and Pearl, that made a lot more sense. Jimmy had known Tommy since she was a child, and apparently Pearl was her sister? Wilbur was still confused about that whole C Plot. Then he was angry. Angry that Jimmy got to see her instead of him. What’d Jimmy do that- Wilbur only stopped that thought because there was no way Tommy could’ve known Wilbur was on Empires unless she was told. Which obviously she hadn’t been.

And that was another thing.

Wilbur’s little brother was his little sister now.

He had absolutely no problems with this, of course. He was so proud of Tommy for discovering this part of herself. But he couldn’t help but feel like a part of him had been chiseled off like a marble sculpture missing an arm or nose. Wilbur had practically raised her, and she didn’t feel comfortable revealing this part of her life to him.

They hadn’t spoken since August on the DreamSMP. That was five months ago, since it was January back home and April here on Empires. Five months. Just five months ago Wilbur lost the biggest parts of his life.

So that’s why Wilbur was here. Wallowing under a blanket and feather cocoon, only getting up to eat, smoke, and use the bathroom. He’d at least showered, because otherwise Renbob threatened him with the hose. And Wilbur knows Renbob isn’t one for empty threats!

“I’m worried about you, man!” Renbob insisted. He moved the blanket so he could at least see Wilbur’s face.

“Just leave me alone, Renbob.” Wilbur tried to tug the blanket back over his face. “Can’t you just let a man mope in peace?”

“Nope! No mopin’ on my watch!”

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

Renbob pulled Wilbur into a sitting position. He gave Wilbur a proud smile, before groaning when Wilbur just flopped back down like a fish. “Come on man, work with me here!”

“I don’t want to work with you.” Wilbur buried his face in his pillow.

Renbob let out a huff. “Is there anything I can do? To get you up?”

“Probably not.” Wilbur closed his eyes. He just wanted to go back to sleep, and hopefully dream his life hadn’t gone to shit. If he closed his eyes tight enough, he could still hear Tommy, Tubbo, and Fundy running around the van. He could still hear Eret brewing coffee, and Grian, Martyn, and Jimmy strategizing. He could still hear home, even if it was just a mirage in his memories.

Renbob was at a loss. He knew what it was like, more than Wilbur thought. When Ren had first left for Hermitcraft and Jono decided to travel the world, Renbob had gotten major empty nest syndrome. He sat at the same diner, ordering the same thing almost every day. Sure, the people he met were interesting, but he was so deep in his own self-pity that he didn’t appreciate any of them. Even the ones he brought into the bedroom, which had wound up being the majority of them. Anything to fill the hole in his heart.

But he had learned to live without the identity of older brother. Even if it had been the only identity he ever knew, he learned to live without it. Not completely of course. He was still there for Jono and Ren no matter what, going to Hermitcraft whenever Ren requested. But at least now he had friends across the galaxies, he had places to travel, ex-lovers he could give a ring. He’d never touch back on his home server again. He knew he belonged among the stars.

He just needed to get Wilbur to see he was a star child too.

“C’mon. Get up.” Renbob said.

“Renbob-”

“I ain’t making dinner tonight. I’m going out to eat.” Renbob got up off of the couch. “You can come with me, or you can have cheerios and puppy chow for dinner. Up to you, man.”

Wilbur gave Renbob a glare too sad to be intimidating. “You’re mean.”

“Bit of tough love, man!” Renbob said in a sing-song voice. He rummaged around in his shulker box for a change of clothes and dipped into the bedroom to get dressed.

Wilbur sat up and groaned, but regardless, Renbob’s plan worked. He was at the very least sat up.

Clem’s head perked up from where she was sleeping up on Renbob’s bunk. She barked, seeing Wilbur out of the nest he had turned the couch into. Her tail wagged and she hopped down, trotting around the table like a small show pony. She sat in front of Wilbur, staring at him with her big ol’ eyes.

He reached over, ruffling her long fur. “Yeah yeah, Wilbur’s up. Bloody miracle. Now it’ll be a miracle if I can find a clean shirt.” He huffed.

Thankfully, Renbob had clean clothes hanging on the line outside.

Wilbur shielded his eyes from the suns as he stepped into the hot desert sand in fuzzy bunny slippers. He wiped crumbs off of his tank top and drool off his chin and trekked to the clothesline.

Once again, he found himself thinking about L’manburg. There had been a clothesline between two trees, constantly draped with clothes, blankets, and towels. Grian and Eret both swore they had the system under control, and always knew exactly whose linens were whose. Wilbur always accidentally grabbed someone else’s clothes, which was an awkward conversation when he had to return or rewash whoever's sweater or coat he had nicked.

This time it was just him and Renbob. A lot less clothes.

Renbob had an open closet policy, meaning Wilbur could wear whatever he wanted as long as he washed it when he was done. Occasionally Wilbur would put on Renbob’s bell bottoms that needed a tight belt so they wouldn’t fall off, or one of his many, many, MANY tye-dyed shirts.

This time however, Wilbur found himself reaching for something outside his own comfort zone. He had been wearing the same gray tank top and flannel pants for five days, so he figured why not. He told himself it was just to get Renbob off his back.

He plucked the clothes off the line and headed for the bathroom in the van. He splashed his face with cold water and looked up at the mirror at his reflection.

Oh. Oh that was ghoulish.

Wilbur shuddered at the paleness of his skin, the dark bags under his eyes. He moved his cheek up and down and sighed, leaning back against the wall. He hated being proven wrong, but once again, Wilbur was right. He needed to get out.

The clothes felt natural on him, even if they were a far cry from his normal style. This was more how he dressed when he was one of the hippies fighting against Area 77. Even back then, Wilbur thought Scar was a pompous man child. Now he just had more of a reason to assume that. Who called himself ‘Captain Angry Eyes’ anyway?

Wilbur looked at himself again. A yellow knit cardigan fit loosely over the lavender popcorn shirt. The jeans were embroidered with wildflowers and stained with paint that was too stubborn to be washed out. On his feet were his muddied boots, because really, he didn’t own many other shoes. It was perfectly Renbob, but somehow, it was also perfectly Wilbur.

No matter how much Sally had hurt him, Area 77 was still some of the happiest times of Wilbur’s life. Yes, even through the grueling nine-month pregnancy. Yes, even with the morning sickness, and the cramps, and all the other gorey details. Wilbur wished he could turn back the clock and go back to those two years.

Those two years were past him now. He wasn’t a scared little teenager who didn’t have the comforts of the palace. He went from teenager to man almost too quickly and had even been told that by Renbob all those years ago.

“You’ve got a long, long time till you’re an adult, man. Enjoy what you can while you can. Life ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

Renbob was always full of tidbits like that.

Wilbur sighed, washing his face again and putting his glasses back on. He had to go out there and face the music eventually, even if that music was just Renbob with a smile and the best intentions. If Renbob had known everything Wilbur did, would he still be welcoming him with open arms? Would he still look at Wilbur with those kind and patient eyes?

Of course he would. It was Renbob. The only people he hated in this world were politicians. And Wilbur was a FORMER politician, so that didn’t count.

Wilbur stepped out of the bathroom. “Renbob? I’m uh, I’m ready to go.”

Renbob looked up from where he was tying up his boots and beamed. “Lookin’ sharp, man!”

Renbob was wearing a pair of acid washed overalls rolled up to his knees, a red button up with blue flowers embroidered on the collar, and leather fingerless gloves. A flower crown of daisies sat loosely on his head, and bell earrings jingled every time his floppy ears moved. His tail wagged behind him just seeing Wilbur up and out of bed.

“You ready to hit the town?”

Wilbur laughed nervously; hands stuffed in the cardigan pockets. “Depending on what you mean by ‘hit the town’. I dunno if I’m in a clubbing mood.”

He rolled his eyes. “Man, I ain’t talkin’ clubbing! Just get out, get some dinner, maybe go to another bonfire.”

“Oh. Oh yes, well, yeah, I’ll give it a shot.”

“That’s my brother!” Renbob wrapped an arm around him, reaching over to ruffle his messy hair.

Wilbur laughed, pretending to shove him away. “Come on man, it takes ages for my hair to look this naturally fucked up.”

Renbob pulled away from the noogie. “Hang on, I got just the thing!” He reached into his knapsack and dug around for the- “Aha!”

He had taken out a flower crown of woven forget-me-nots and yellow roses, placing it on Wilbur’s head. “There ya go, man! Completes the outfit, if I do say so myself!”

He reached a hand up to tentatively touch the flower crown. Yellow roses…why did they remind him of-

“You ready to go? I know she is.” Renbob pointed behind Wilbur to Clem, who was waiting with her leash in her mouth, her tail wagging.

“Oh Clem.” Wilbur kneeled down, clipping her leash to her collar. He ruffled up her fur, and she barked back at him. “Come on, let’s get you some treats.” He stood up, laughing when Clem practically yanked him towards the door. “Alright, alright! Renbob, can you lock up?”

“Yeah, I gotcha!”

Wilbur pushed open the door and stepped out into the sand. Renbob locked the door with a click behind the two of them, and Wilbur looked out at the busy Pixandrian streets.

“Alright Renbob, where to first?”

Chapter Text

The first stop on their sudden outing around Pixandria was to get some grub, since Renbob wasn’t cooking.

Wilbur slipped off the cardigan and wrapped it around his waist, fanning his face with his free hand, the other with Clem’s leash wrapped around it. He still wasn’t used to the desert heat, but he was getting better at dealing with it.

Renbob cheerily led the way, already seeming to know Pixandria like the back of his tail. It made sense, considering he got out a lot more than Wilbur. He was always chatting somebody up, bringing back food or trinkets. Where Renbob got the money, Wilbur didn’t know, but he was grateful nonetheless. Wilbur was also grateful Renbob had managed to get him out of bed, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

“C’mon man, what’re you in the mood for?” Renbob gave him a playful nudge.

Wilbur laughed, nudging him back. “Anything is fine with me, but I wouldn’t say no to a pizza.”

Clem barked in agreement, her tail wagging. She trotted in front of Wilbur and Renbob, just excited to be out and about. She kept stopping to sniff everything- wild flowers planted alongside the paths, small bugs scurrying around in the sand, anything she could get her sniffer on. She sniffed the air, her tail wagging harder just getting a whiff of delicious food at the stalls.

“Well there ain’t pizza here, but I know somethin’ just as good!” Renbob took Wilbur by the hand and took the lead, Clem running alongside him. Renbob let out ‘sorry!’ ‘scuse me’ and ‘coming through!’ as he and Wilbur weaved through the crowd, Wilbur occasionally tripping as he struggled to catch up. Renbob was a fast runner, and Wilbur, admittedly, was not.

When Renbob finally stopped short, Wilbur collided right with his shoulder and landed flat on his ass in the sand. Clem nudged him up, licking up his cheek. “I’m alright girl, I’m okay.” He ruffled up her fur, and grasped Renbob’s arm to pull himself back up.

“Sorry about that Wil, didn’t know you were right there!” He brushed sand off of Wilbur’s shirt. “You all good? All your bits in place?”

“Yeah, yeah my ‘bits’ are all where they should be.” Wilbur said.

“Why don’t you go sit down?” Renbob pointed to an array of wooden tables with bench-like seats, umbrellas in the middle to protect from the shade. People were eating, chatting, or were on their coms. “I’ll grab us some food and drinks!”

“Thanks Renbob, do you need me to pay-”

“You hush up, I gotcha man! Now shoo, go.” Renbob waved him off. “Clem, make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble, ya dig?”

Boof!

“That’s my girl!” Renbob ran a hand through her fur before jogging off to one of the food stands. He immediately began chatting up the girl in line- a goth with a pitch black hijab, big black sunglasses, and chunky platforms that made her tower over him. Wilbur briefly wondered how she wasn’t melting in the heat, but if she had lived in Pixandria all her life, she was probably used to it.

“C’mon Clem, let’s go find a table.” Wilbur gently tugged at Clem’s leash, since she had gotten distracted staring at another dog across the street. She barked, and the yorkie the size of a cat barked back. “Aye, come on, no fighting. It’s just a dog, you’re a dog.”

Bark!

“I’m not arguing with you on this.” Wilbur leaned down and scooped her up, carrying over to the tables and chairs. That got a few laughs from passersbys, because Clem was a big dog, and she obviously wasn’t used to being scooped up like a baby.

Wilbur set her down in the sand, and she hid under the table to get some shade. He reached down and ruffled up her fur, giving her a pat on the snoot. “You’re a good dog. Renbob’ll be back with some food in a bit.” Truth be told he was getting hungry too. Despite being later in the day, it was nowhere near sunset. Starting in spring, and ending in the fall, the suns could stay up for hours in Pixandria- it was a desert phenomenon. Wilbur didn’t think he’d ever get to witness it up close, but here he was, looking out into the horizon.

He had already made the connection from the diary that the desert P.R was from would turn into Pixandria, even if it didn’t have a proper name yet. That’s why Wilbur was so shocked seeing Jimmy’s name appearing in the passages. He knew Jimmy was old, but not that old. Not older than one of the oldest kingdoms on Empires. And Wilbur was still miserable just thinking about Tommy, so he didn’t feel like going all the way to the Cod Empire just to ask Jimmy about ancient history.

Though he would like to revisit the Fanart Shack soon. He’d bring Renbob along, because a place like that was exactly up his alley.

What was bothering Wilbur the most were the titular ‘characters' of the diary. P.R, and his brother, who for now remained nameless. They must have been important, but how important. And what was their connection to Kristin? Wilbur had far too many questions, and he still had the book in his inventory. Surely Renbob wouldn’t mind if he read a little while he waited.

He took the book from his inventory, and pulled the ribbon bookmark out, continuing where he had left off.

‘I haven’t had such a restful night’s sleep in years. It must have been the swamp’s gentle ambiance, or the fact I was just so exhausted from our journey, but I slept like the dead once I allowed my head to hit the pillow. No dreams, no visions, no speaking to Lady Death. Just pure blackness. How I wish every sleep was like that.

Breakfast was exquisite too. Just like with dinner, Jimmy insisted on hosting a feast so we’d be plenty fed for the journey we were about to embark on. It is only 13 hours on sailboat from the Cod Empire to the Ocean Empire, but after yesterday’s ordeal, Jimmy insisted we eat our weight in fileted salmon, rich figs, and a drink I had never heard of before. It was called lemonade, and it was fantastic. Jimmy said he’d be happy to show me how to make it when we returned, but I told him I needed to get back to my village as soon as we discussed matters with the Ocean Queen. He was understanding, and had a ship ready within the hour.

My crew believes I am writing out a treaty. They do not know that this journal is the only sense of normalcy I’ve had throughout our entire quest. I’ve had to step up even more as leader, now that we have been reduced five. I do not look forward to having to break the news to the families of those we have lost. We don’t even have the bodies to bury.

Fatima at least managed to keep her brother’s locket, with his wedding band on the chain. Hassan always took it off in his sleep, and she managed to slip into her inventory before the ship went down. She tried to present it to me, but I told her she should keep it. Give the band back to his fiancé, and the locket to her mother. When she asked what she would have left of him, I was left speechless. And then, as if I were a mouthpiece for a higher power, I said-

“You will have the knowledge that your brother did everything he could for your family and home. And the reassurance that when he walks into the next plane, it will be a peaceful non-existence.”

This put her at ease. She thanked me and went off to talk to one of Jimmy’s crewmen. Now forgive me if I’m wrong, but I believe she might be sweet on them- I believe their name is Gráinne. I’m happy for Fatima. At least she found a light in the tragedy.

I still don’t understand where those words came from. It’s as if I knew them before my lips could move. As if I already had them memorized. But that couldn’t be. I think I’d remember words that sounded as poetic as scripture.

I wonder what my brother would have said. He has never been the best at comforting others, except our family. He most likely would’ve said something about Hassan being heroic, but I don’t believe heroism is what Fatima would have wanted.

There is a fragility in life and death that I don’t think my brother has quite grasped. Despite his own life hanging on by a thread, he lives and flies recklessly. I have always admired that about him, as I walk a more cautious and steady paced path. I believe we match the old fable. A tortoise taking the easy road, and a hare running off ahead. And yet, I have a feeling we are both heading to the same finish line, whether we want to or not. - P.R’

Wilbur didn’t know what to make of this entry. He leaned down to pet Clem, leaving the book pages down on the table so he didn’t lose his place.

Wilbur might have felt differently if this were a story. Where there were no real stakes, despite the thrill from scanning the paragraphs. But it wasn’t just a story. These were real people who had lived, and died, and breathed, just as Wilbur did.

Was Hassan scared when he died? What was his Limbo like? Did his mother and fiancé weep when he was gone? Did his sister ever get any amount of closure? Wilbur couldn’t help but compare his own death to Hassan’s. He had died in a blaze of glory, destroying the very thing he and so many others loved, and yet he still had a body to bury. Hassan had been washed away at sea, and yet all that was left was a chain with a locket and a ring. What was in the locket? A photo of his family?

And then Wilbur thought about the revive book.

Had P.R known such a book existed? Would he have sacrificed everything to go on a mad manhunt for it? Wilbur had no idea how it ended up with Dream in the first place, but now his thoughts were starting to spiral. If the people of P.R’s village had one…

No. Somehow, Wilbur knew that if these people had a choice, they would let their loved ones rest. Wilbur believed he and Grian were the only ones entitled to eternal damnation. Even Tommy’s limbo, if you thought about it, was a peaceful one. Complete pitch blackness. Like being asleep.

He glanced around to spot Renbob, and found he was still chatting up the goth girl, only halfway through the long line. That gave Wilbur plenty of time to read, since he knew how much Renbob loved to chat. Especially with strangers. That was one thing Wilbur never understood about Renbob and Ren- how willing they were to wear their hearts on their sleeves for people they would only ever have a brief conversation with. It baffled him, yet he admired it. Perhaps Wilbur’s charisma was learned from them, because he certainly didn’t get his rizz from Philza or Techno!

After giving Clem a few more pets, he wiped his hands on his pants and flipped the book back open. The passage was the same date, but had a little moon next to it, making it sundown.

‘I do not know how but I believe we are in danger’.

That.

That was it.

Wilbur’s heart nearly dropped until he flipped to the next passage. It was labeled two days later, with the two suns marked in the corner, and the handwriting much shakier than before, some of the words smudged from water droplets that had long since dried.

‘I don’t know where I should even begin with my tale. The last two days have been harrowing to put it generously, and if I were not immortal I believe my heart would have given out from the stress of it all.’

Off to a fantastic start!

‘We were lucky Jimmy and his crew were with us when they attacked. I sensed the attack coming before the prongs of the tridents pierced through our sailboat, and before sharp toothed creatures tried to pull us into the depths. I shouted for everyone to hit the deck. At first everyone thought me mad, until Jimmy shouted for them to do the same. Thankfully they listened, because a flurry of arrows were shot over our heads.

I remembered my father the whole time we were under siege- how a strong willed and kind man was reduced to a mangled corpse at the bottom of the ocean. I knew these were salmon.

Jimmy yelled for his crew to take their weapons out once the arrow fire had subsided. I had never seen tridents before that moment, and honestly, they were gorgeous. I would have marveled had I not been preoccupied with fending off a salmon with nothing but a telescope I had been using to map out the stars with Jimmy’s cartographer. I believe I saved xer life, but it’s all a bit of a blur. Memories are hard to unravel among the blood.

I didn’t even know I had been bitten till Jimmy ran his trident through the salmon’s heart and threw the corpse into the sea for the whales to feast on. Then all I felt was white hot agony, looking down at my waist. I was nearly sick all over him, seeing skin hanging off. I did not know who to pray to, but I hoped my death would be merciful.

Jimmy assured me I wasn’t going to die. Even though I had been so sure I was about to die then and there, he told me it wasn’t my time. And how he could possibly know that I did not know till the salmon were all dead. Three left floating face down in the water, two hanging off the edge of the boat, and once skewered on the deck. Just six of them had nearly annihilated the twelve of us. Five of us including myself, and then seven including Jimmy.

Those creatures. They didn’t even get a prayer as they were tossed into the sea.

I tried to get up to check on my crew, but no, I was made to lie down. Apparently I had gotten the worst of it. If I hadn’t bashed that salmon over the skull with the telescope, then surely Aisling would be dead. I must accredit my curse for my survival. I hope hell is enjoying the chill I’ve just given them in thanking the very thing I have hated for so long.

Jimmy let out a noise that was unlike anything I had ever heard before. A mix between a bird call and a whistle, that made his fin like ears give a flutter. He said he had just called for help, but I was half delirious and believed I wouldn’t make it in the next five clicks.

Fatima and Aslanah kept me talking so I wouldn’t fade into unconsciousness. I babbled some nonsense about the stars. I wanted to reach the stars. I kept calling for my brother, and wept when there was no call back.

When help arrived, I unfortunately was so out of myself that I cannot remember the next day of events. I was just blinking in and out. One moment I was on a gurney, floating above the water. Then I was greeted by a woman with blue skin and a kind voice. Then when I awoke just yesterday afternoon, I was greeted by a creature called an axolotl, dressed in armor. A funny sight, really. He handed me a handful of pills and a potion, and I downed them both in one go.

It was so strange. Whenever I blacked out, I swear, I heard a million voices overlapping at once. It was damn near maddening, if not for the fact they seemed to be muffled. Between all the voices was the same one I had heard over and over again in my dreams. Lady Death’s.

“This is not your time, my prodigy. Just hang on a little longer. Don’t make your mother cry. Live for her.”

My mother. My mother would be sad if I passed. I grasped at that straw until my eyes opened. And well, I’ve just told you about the axolotl man, haven’t I?

When Jimmy came to visit me, he thanked me for saving Aisling’s life. He brought a bundle of water lilies, leaving them on my bedside. My crew was all fine, only with minor sprains and fractures that were healed for hours. We joked around, and even shared a meal that had been brought for us. It was called sushi. And of course, he laughed at me when I swallowed a dollop of ‘wasabi’. How was I supposed to know it was hot as the devil?

Then, the following conversation went a little something like this.

Jimmy: you’re lucky to be alive.

Me: I am well aware of this.

Jimmy: you’re lucky she was watching over you.

Me: she?

Jimmy: yes. Kristin. You saw her, didn’t you?

I didn’t know how Jimmy knew about Lady Death- Kristin. She has a name. It’s Kristin Trixtin, a bit of a tongue twister. When I went speechless, he continued.

Jimmy: I could tell when we first met. She’s marked you, you just can’t see it.

Me: So you are aware of my curse?

Jimmy: Is immortality a curse to you?

Me: I have to assume so, after losing all of my family and friends. It is a lonely life.

Jimmy: It is, yes. But think of all the time you have to do good.

I’ve never thought of it like that.

We will meet The Ocean Queen herself tomorrow. Or, well, I do. The rest of my crew met her while I was unconscious and mumbling about the stars. Maybe it’s about time I pull my head out of the sky where my brother spends all of his days, and come back down to the ground. There is good I can do. - P.R’

Wilbur closed the book, blinking a few times.

He had almost forgotten where he was. The chatter around the food stalls filled his ears, and was almost deafening. Clem gave a worried whimper, putting her head on Wilbur’s knee.

He took a deep, shuddering breath, ruffling Clem’s fur. “I’m alright girl. I’m alright. Holy shit that was a lot.”

“What was, man?”

Wilbur nearly jumped out of his skin. Renbob was carrying a giant metal tray with a steaming dish in the middle, two milkshakes, and a smaller basket of chicken with no spices or seasoning just for Clem. Renbob frowned, setting the tray down. “Wil, are you okay, man?”

“Huh? Yeah- yeah of course I am!”

Renbob reached over, putting the back of his hand on Wilbur’s forehead. “Man, you’re pale! Well, I mean, paler.”

“Gee, thanks.” Wilbur rolled his eyes. “I’m alright, Renbob. Was just- just reading.”

“Must’ve been some book.” Renbob took his hand away, sitting down. He set the basket down for Clem, who immediately dug into her chicken. He passed a knife and fork to Wilbur. “Dig in, ya look like you need the energy!”

Wilbur took the chocolate milkshake from the tray, and then examined the dish. “What is it?”

“It’s called manakeesh! It’s like pizza!” He picked up a piece of dish and dug in. “Oh my freakin’ gods, that's a good dish!”

Wilbur didn’t know if he had the appetite to keep anything down until he took a bite. Renbob was right, It was a delicious dish!

The book sat on the edge of the table, and while Renbob was babbling on and on about the goth girl, whose number he did get, Wilbur’s eyes kept darting for it. He wasn’t even a quarter of the way through the pages, and yet it called to him like an alluring siren.

He couldn’t get the salmon out of his mind.

He couldn’t get Jimmy out of his mind either.

Chapter Text

Keralis clapped his hands together. “Alright! Let us get started!” He and Tommy were at Spawn, Tommy sitting on the rocky shores and letting the low tide waves tickle her fingertips. “What do you know about shape shifting?”

“Jack [beep]-ing [beep].”

“Already off to a fantastic start I see.”

Keralis turned his head and beamed. “Princess! Are you here to watch my demonstration?”

xB shrugged, sitting on top of a chest with a coffee, a pork roll sandwich from The Pig Pen, and a cinnamon roll from Gigapies. "I was just coming over for a swim, but hey, I could use the entertainment.” He took a bite of his sandwich, getting ketchup on his face.

“It seems we’ve got an audience, Tommy-Anne!” Keralis was all smiles, even more excited now that he could show off to his precious princess. “So ah, you said you know nothing about what we can do?”

“Close to nothing.” She answered honestly. “I mean, I was made from [beep]-ing DNA goop in the back of a lab- I’m like meth if meth was a person.”

Keralis just had that same wide-eyed expression while xB giggled to himself in the background.

“Is that what we’re doing? Are we doing meth?” Tommy leaned in, a mischievous grin on her face. “Cuz let me tell you Keralis, I can HANDLE my meth!”

“This kid’s a [beep]-ing riot.” xB said, shaking his head. “Looks like you’ve got your work cut out for you, K. Maybe you should quit.”

Keralis huffed and marched over to where xB was sitting. He grabbed him by the hood of his hoodie and whispered something in his ear. Something that made his face light up red, and the frills around his neck pop out. Keralis giggled in turn, and pulled back. “I see you’ve gotten the message, sweet face.”

Tommy’s face morphed into horror. “What the [BEEP] did you just- you know what? No. No. I don’t want to know. I’m- I’m REFUSING to know whatever THIS-” She vaguely gestured to Keralis and xB as a whole. “Is! I refuse!”

“OH, silly me, I forgot I had an audience!” Keralis waved Tommy off. “Sorry Tommy-Anne, I got a bit ahead of myself! We can get back to the lesson.”

Keralis sat in front of Tommy on the ground, crisscross applesauce with his hands on his knees. He looked deep into Tommy’s eyes, and a shudder ran down her spine. “Ah, I see.” He said, tilting his head. “You’re used to, ah, more extreme methods of changing your form, yes?”

“How the [BEEP] could you possibly know that?” Tommy instinctively snapped back. She didn’t like people looking into her eyes like that. It was just unnerving, like they were looking into her soul and pulling out her deepest thoughts to wield like puppet strings against her. Dream used to always look her in the eyes. He was even looking into her eyes when she was-

She coughed and tasted blood.

Keralis gave Tommy a sympathetic look. “Doccy and Scar are good men, but they’re not as experienced in our abilities. It is a very rare thing, to shapeshift without outside help. You have a gift, Tommy- Anne!”

Tommy’s pointed ears heated up. She picked up a pebble, moving it around in her hands. “I mean- I guess, yeah, I could’ve told you that. Doc ‘n Scar always said they had no idea what the [beep] they were doing. Doc even said he thought I was the only one like me- not like you I mean you’re- were you born? Hatched? You weren’t made in lab is probably what he [beep]-ing meant but you know Doc always takes sooooo [beep]-ing long to get to the point-”

Keralis giggled, cutting her off from her ramblings. “I see now. Doccy is right, there isn’t anyone like you. And there are very few like me. Shapeshifters- we blend in so well that sometimes we forget what we are. And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing! It is just a nice surprise when you remember how you can change.”

“...That’s a real optimistic way of looking at it.” Tommy said.

He frowned. “How…How do YOU see shapeshifting, Tommy-Anne?”

She gulped. “I-” How could you have such an answer prepared? “I guess it’s- it’s like a tool. Like any sword, or pick, or axe or whatever. It’s something I use if I’ve gotta help my friends or-”

Tommy thought of all the different forms she’s taken on over the years. In L’manburg and Pogtopia she often sprouted wings, because that way if she needed to get help, she could be faster than anyone else. She defaulted to a raccoon when she stayed with Mumbo and Techno because they were good at hiding, and that’s what he needed to do. And the devil form, with the horns and tail? That was her favorite. Because that’s how people saw her. A little devil.

Only recently, when she connected with Scar again did she learn to take on forms outside of just needing to survive. She liked having the Jellie tail for balance, but also because it reminded her of her favorite feline friend. The vex wings were difficult to fly in, but they sure looked pretty, and Cub always had a smile on his face when he saw them. And the wolf ears and tail. That was special. That was for The Red King. That was his influence on her.

Tommy took a deep breath, her body shuddering. “Or if I’m about to [beep]-ing die.”

Keralis reached over, putting his hand on top of Tommy’s. “That is a very difficult way of looking at it, but I don’t think you were given any other choice.” He said, a frown on his usually smiling face.

“Not really, no.” Tommy huffed, but didn’t move her hand away. “I mean- I had to do what I had to do. I was a soldier-”

“You were a child.” Keralis said with an air of finality. “Compared to most of us on Hermitcraft, you still are.”

Now her cheeks were heating up. “Aye! I’m 18! That’s an adult, isn’t it?!”

“Ah, yes, your birthday is soon!” Keralis went back to his usual smile.

That hit Tommy like a freight train. Her birthday? “How do you remember my birthday? I barely even remember my birthday!”

“Oh, Doccy and Scar have had something planned since we landed- oops! I spoiled it!” Keralis giggled behind his hand, a twinkle in his eyes. He didn’t look sorry at all, seeing the stunned expression on Tommy’s face.

When was the last time she properly celebrated her birthday? More than just a cake from Niki’s bakery and a few friends? The last three birthdays had been with Red and Martyn- those had been the only consistencies. Tubbo came to the last two, as well as Ranboo and obviously the kids. But Tommy couldn’t remember the last actual celebration.

“They’re…really? You’re not [beep]-ing with me?” Tommy asked, almost in disbelief.

“Oh, trust me.” xB cut through the almost silence. “You’ll KNOW when he’s [beep]-ing with you.”

Keralis turned his head, eyes narrowed like an alley cat. “Strike two, princess. You know what they say about three strikes.”

“I’m going to vomit. I am going to projectile vomit all over the both of you if you don’t stop being weird.”

Keralis just laughed again. “Oh Tommy-Anne, you’re so funny!”

“Nah, ten diamonds says she does it.” xB said. “I saw her bite Grian this morning.”

“Tommy-Anne!” Keralis gasped. “Why would you bite Grian!”

Tommy shrugged. “He was in biting distance. He’s used to my [beep]- you people keep forgetting he practically raised me. Well, me ‘n Tubbo. Fundy too, but I haven’t seen much of him lately. He might’ve [beep]-ed off to the middle of the woods, I dunno. Hey, he raised Niki and Jack too! They were 14 when they joined L’manburg! Oh my gods, it just hit me that Jack is an ADULT. He’s gotta be in his 20’s.”

“Tommy-Anne, I don’t know some of these people.”

“I know, I’m just sayin’ words. It’s called talking, you should try it sometime!” Tommy matched Keralis’s grin, then laughed when he reached over to playfully mess up her hair. “Hey man, watch the merchandise!”

“xB was right, you are a riot!” Keralis pulled away, giggling. “That filter really isn’t curbing your bad habit, is it?”

Tommy let out a loud and annoyed groan. “I HATE THIS [BEEP]-ING FILTER. It’s like- it’s a fucking dog cone for my mouth!”

xB was full on laughing now. He nearly fell off the chest, spilling coffee all over his jeans and hoodie. “Oh [beep]- that’s hot.”

“Not as hot as you princess!”

xB rolled his eyes, and took off his hoodie, folding it up on the chest. He was left in just a thin white tank top, jeans, and his sandals. When he kicked those off, he stretched his arms above his head. The tide was starting to come in, so xB saw this as the perfect opportunity to dive into the water and go for a quick swim.

Which prompted Keralis to let out a low wolf whistle.

“And I’m leaving!” Tommy propped herself up. “I can’t get away from this flirting [beep] for FIVE TICKS. I should permanently move in with Pearl! She understands my plight!”

Keralis giggled. “Oh come on Tommy-Anne! I promise to behave! Scouts honor!”

“YOU were a scout?” Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“No, but I certainly give a good chunk of my diamonds to the Girl Scouts every year!” Keralis said, still with a bright smile. That smile rarely left his face, and when it did, he almost looked…uncanny. At least with a smile he could pass for human. But when he frowned, it drew you into his cold black eyes, which were much too big under his glasses. “Just come sit back down.”

She grumbled but sat back down in the gravel. For all her groaning and complaining, she was actually interested to learn more about what she could do with her abilities. She just wasn’t good at the sitting still and learning part of learning. Some part of her had to be moving at all times. Whether it was her hands fidgeting with a needle and scrap fabric, scribbling on some paper, or just tossing a rock between her palms.

Keralis took notice of this. “Perhaps a more hands on demonstration might be better!” Keralis pressed himself up off the ground, standing up.

“Finally!” Tommy stood up too. “Don’t just [beep]-ing tell me, you’ve gotta show me, man!”

“I am much, much better with my words, but I can give it a shot.” He said. “Your shapeshifting abilities seem to only come out around very stressful situations. That’s no way to learn, if I put you in any bad scenarios Doccy will have my head on a pike!” He tapped his chin with his hand, deep in thought. “What do you think all the times you’ve changed have in common?”

She frowned at him, shoving her hands in her pockets. “I already told you. My friends needed my help, or I was about to DIE. And I’ve infini-lives here, like, I know I do. ‘m pretty sure I- yeah! Yeah, I do! So even if I WANTED to do something stupid like throw myself off a- WAIT WHAT THE [BEEP]-”

Tommy was glad for her quick reflexes. As soon as the axe was coming her way, she equipped Sweet Revenge from her inventory and blocked the strike. Her eyes were wide and fearful, staring at Keralis. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

Keralis jumped back, swinging his axe playfully. “I want to see you shift, Tommy-Anne! If you only respond to stress, I have to stress you out, then we can go from there!” He held his axe back up. “I will not hurt you, and if it gets too much, you can just kill me, and I’ll respawn!”

“I don’t want to kill- AAAHHH!” Tommy jumped back as the blade nearly grazed her shirt. She stumbled back, but once she backed against the chest she jumped up, gaining the high ground. Her grip on her sword tightened as she glared at Keralis. “You were JUST saying Doc would murder you if you put me in any danger!”

“I am using an iron axe with no enchants! Seems safe to me!” Keralis said.

Before Tommy’s eyes, Keralis sprouted two wings that were so black that they moved like water when they moved up and down. There were small specks of gold in the wings, weaved in there like stars. Tommy was mesmerized- no- the word was hypnotized. She was hypnotized by the patterns and the fact Keralis seemed to pluck out a piece of the night sky just for display. It was borderline blasphemous.

He giggled again, snapping Tommy from her trance. “You shouldn’t take your eyes off your opponent!”

When Keralis swung his axe again, Tommy’s blade erupted into flames. She grinned, seeing Keralis’s surprise at the fire aspect. “Yeah, die [beep!]” Tommy jumped up from the chests, swinging her sword.

Keralis was able to dodge midair, but Tommy grabbed onto his leg, holding on for dear life. “Ah! Tommy-Anne!”

Tommy kicked her legs, a good twenty blocks above the ground. She didn’t completely think this through, but she wasn’t about to back out now! She used the hilt of her sword to get Keralis in the gut.

He gave a grunt and nearly doubled over. “Oh that was a dirty move!”

“Learned it from Grian!” Tommy exclaimed pridefully.

Keralis slowly lowered them both down to the ground, but Tommy wasn’t giving up that easy. She swung again, the time slicing at the fabric of Keralis’s flannel. His wings snapped shut and they both plummeted, taking five hearts each. In the wing's place were sharp talons on both of his hands.

“You’re in your element here!”

Tommy spit gravel out of her mouth, pushing herself back up to her feet. She switched Sweet Revenge for her smaller pocketknife, and while Keralis went for another axe swing, she rolled under his legs and dug the knife into his ankle.

He howled and kicked on instinct.

Before Tommy could get kicked right in the schnoz, two mighty antlers sprouted from her head. They twisted and curled, just like Gem’s, and sprouted daisies.

Keralis didn’t have the time to be surprised before Tommy was back on her feet. She kicked her leg back and charged right at Keralis, knocking him flat on his back with the weight of her antlers. She somersaulted over him, landing safely in the water.

“I WIN [BEEP]!” Tommy cheered.

Keralis’s mouth made a perfect ‘O’ shape. He sat up, shaking the dust and gravel off of his clothes. He kneeled down and pulled the knife from his ankle, the skin starting to grow back before black blood could drip onto the ground. He wiped the blade on his now torn shirt. “I must say Tommy, that was impressive! And you did it, you changed form!”

“Hell yeah I did!” Tommy cheered, jumping out of the water. Keralis tossed her knife back, which she easily caught. “I haven’t gotten to spar like that in forever, man! What a rush!” She laughed in pure joy. “Let’s [beep]-ing GO!”

Keralis wiped off his jeans and admired her antlers. “Are those flowers, uh, part of you, Tommy-Anne?”

Tommy reached up and winced as she tried to tug a daisy away. “Youch! Yeah man, they’re stuck to my…are antlers bones?”

“Yes, antlers are bones.”

“My bones. My outside bones. The can openers of the skull.” Tommy slipped her knife back into her inventory. She was soaked from the waist down, her teeth chattering, but she was still beaming. Practically glowing with pride, even.

Keralis tilted his head, thinking about the battle. Tommy had easily overpowered him once she realized her life was in danger. She had the disadvantage, being so much smaller in size, but she was able to take him by surprise after her antlers had sprouted.

Maybe it wasn’t the stress that Tommy was chasing whenever she needed to change her form.

Maybe it was just the pure, unfiltered adrenaline.

Chapter Text

“Ranboo? Ranboo, are you in here?”

Shoot. Ranboo’s eyes opened, and they resisted the urge to groan. “Yeah- yeah I’m here!” They called, quickly blowing out the candles and shoving the book awkwardly into their pockets. They equip their sword, pretending like they were just on the lookout for mobs in the dimly lit Woodland Mansion.

Impulse poked his head in, and his face lit up from worry to relief when he saw Ranboo exploring the ruins. “Hey buddy, you doing okay? Should you really be out of bed this early?”

Ranboo gave a nervous laugh, “I’ve been in bed almost a week. I was going a little crazy. Needed to ya know, get up and stretch my legs.”

“Strange place to stretch your legs.” Impulse leaned against the door frame, then backed away when bits of dry wall started to crumble away.

“Thought there might be some stuff you guys missed.” Ranboo said. “I mean- you guys were dying a lot on the first day.”

“Can’t argue with that!” Impulse flashed Ranboo a smile. All the Hermits had been just a bit on edge since Ranboo and Tubbo had woken up. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust the two to be on their own anymore, but danger really seemed to follow them around every corner! It was worrying! Impulse tried to relax. Nothing could possibly hurt Ranboo in a Woodland Mansion with enough sunlight pouring through the now crumbling roof that mobs won't spawn. “What exactly are you looking for?”

Ranboo thought for a moment, trying to rack their brain for a believable excuse. “Books. Enchanting books. I know you sell a bunch, but it’d be nice to just have some around the house, just in case.” They said. “Considering how fast Tubbo goes through pickaxes, I wanna see if I can get a few mending books on standby.”

Impulse reached over and ruffled their hair, bumping shoulders. “You’re a good husband, bud. Alright, I’ll leave you to your adventures.” Impulse pulled away, reaching up to adjust the crown on Ranboo’s head that had been tilted.

“Thanks man, and hey, do you think you could help out with dinner tonight?” Ranboo asked. “Tubbo’s gonna be sore from building up his lab, and I don’t wanna put any extra strain on him.”

“You’ve got it! How’s burgers sound?”

“Oh my cod, burgers sound great.”

“I’ll tell Ren! We make a mean barbeque together!” Impulse waved to Ranboo, before spreading his leathery wings and soaring out of the manor. The front foundation wobbled from the exertion, and Ranboo crossed their fingers that it wouldn’t cave in on them.

They sigh in relief when Impulse was out of earshot, and took the book back out of their pocket, putting their sword back into their inventory. They turn the corner back around to the room they were using- four candles in a half circle on the wooden floor. It was the only room with any breakage in the walls that could let light through, which is why Ranboo chose it. They needed the darkness to concentrate. The candles were just so a mob didn’t spawn, and jump scare them. That was the last thing they needed while attempting their first spell.

It was so strange. After Ranboo woke up and started flipping through the book again, entire pages and chapters were blank. When they tried to reason with the book, as ludicrous as that sounded, all they got was the words of the pages they were able to read becoming jumbled. The chapters they had already poured through became unreadable if Ranboo pleaded for access to the information.

Ranboo didn’t know why the book was keeping the information under wraps all of a sudden, but Ranboo figured it was like a video game. They couldn’t get to the next ‘level’ till they completed the one they were already on. Which was frustrating to say the least.

No matter. There was nothing they could do about it now except wonder what they could’ve done to be locked out of the pages so suddenly. Their memory was still fuzzy from before they woke up, but surely, they couldn’t have done anything too stupid and reckless.

It wasn’t like Tubbo could remember, or Grumbot either.

When Grumbot had woken up, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. It had only been with Tubbo and Mumbo’s help, because Tango, Cub, nor Zed had any experience with the redstone that came from the DreamSMP. It was its own breed and strand, with high traces of radioactivity and a higher carbon strand than most other redstone veins. Thankfully Tubbo had a good chunk of it in his enderchest, specifically for if he ever needed to repair Grumbot.

They had all tried to ask Grumbot what he remembered. But his memory chip must’ve been dented, but he said he had no idea what happened. He remembered Tubbo coming home and seeing Ranboo and Tubbo on the couch. Then nothing. Absolutely nothing till Tubbo plugged him in and heard him giggling at Tubbo chastising Tango, Cub, and Zed for poking and prodding around at Grumbot’s wires without his explicit permission.

That’s why Tubbo was starting to keep Grumbot and Michael within watching distance, even if that meant there were delays in building the lab he wanted so, so badly. At least he had the Hermits to help. Tubbon could work in the lab, and hear whatever Hermit was watching the kids up on the surface. He hadn’t started the observatory yet, so it was still safe to run around. As long as they stayed away from the cliffside. If they wanted to go swimming, they’d beg whoever was watching them to take them to the river.

Ranboo felt better wandering off to practice because of this. The Hermits were always around to help, and they trusted them with their kids. They’d be fine for a few hours while Ranboo attempts their first successful feat of magic.

They sat crisscross on the wooden floors, lighting the candles again with their lighter. They only had one for the purpose of lighting torches and candles. Not like Tubbo, who had one for practical use and one for smoking. He thought Ranboo didn’t know he was smoking again, but they could smell it on his clothes and hair when they laid down to sleep for the night. Ranboo didn’t know how to approach the topic without being seen as pedantic,

“Focus.” Ranboo mumbled to themself.

They took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. Just like the book said. They looked down at the book in their lap, and their mouth moved naturally to the spell on the page. Ranboo didn’t know what the spell ‘Memory Make’ would do, but it was a ‘Level 1’ spell, and it was one of the few the book would allow them to skim.

As their mouth moved to the words, the heat from the candles started to rise. Ranboo’s heartbeat in their chest as they briefly thought about the mansion setting on fire, but the flickering flames were getting taller. Each moving in a straight line until they became beams of golden light, crossing with one another until they formed a point.

Ranboo’s mouth kept moving as they watched the single point form into a ball of light. Their voice stopped when they heard another voice. A much deeper voice that they didn’t recognize.

“You BITCH! TURN HER BACK! Turn her back! Please, what has she ever done to you!?

“I am sorry, but she was in the way. You’ll understand when you grow older- attachments like those are a weakness.”

“In the way- in the way!? You were just- you’re jealous!”

“Jealous!? Of that pathetic excuse of a half a witch! Don’t make me laugh!”

“Not of Mertha! Of ME! You were always jealous of me, because I’m BETTER than you! I’ve always been better than you and you’re- you’re threatened by that! We were supposed to be in this together, but you HAD TO have it all to YOURSELF!”

“You’ll regret those words. I AM better than you, and I’ll prove it!”

“You’re a MONSTER! You- You- what are you doing! What are you-!”

A blood curdling scream filled the room. Ranboo covered their ears, and accidentally knocked the book off of their lap. The scream was cut off and the room went quiet. Every candlelight had been snuffed out at once, leaving Ranboo in total darkness.

Ranboo should consider themself lucky nobody came around here except Doc, and he was working on his tomato garden today. Otherwise, an entire barrage of Hermits would have come rushing in to see if Ranboo was in danger or not.

They felt sick to their stomach. All they could hear was their own heart hammering in their chest as if it were beating out of the floorboards beneath them.

Who were those voices? One deeper, and one that sounded older, and tired. Those weren’t any voices Ranboo had heard before, at least not that they could remember. And that scream…that scream made their blood chill like ice. That person was in pain. So much pain.

They flip the book back open. The words were shaking, like leaves trembling in the wind. Ranboo frowned, running his hands gently over them.

“What happened to you?” They mumbled to themselves. They didn’t expect an answer back, but their eyes widened when the words started to rearrange themself. A different spell. A different incantation. One actually in common.

Ranboo’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure?”

The words remained stationary, so Ranboo was going to take that as a yes.

They took the book back into their hands and onto their lap. They spoke the words carefully, running a finger under each line to keep their pace. They didn’t want to mess up a spell that was so graciously given to them outside the content of the chapter.

The candles flickered back to life on their own. Ranboo gulped but kept reciting the words, a wind suddenly sweeping through the room and blowing their hair all around their face.

“You speak of treachery?”

The sudden voice made Ranboo’s breath hitch in their throat. It was the same voice from before- the one who had screamed.

“I speak of revolution.”

“And what do the others say? You can’t just barge in there and-”

“The others are weak. They don’t have our drive, our tenacity. With the two of us, we could rule over all the other witches! Hell, with your betrothed too! We’d be unstoppable!”

“Sister-”

“Trust me. I know exactly what I’m doing. All you have to do is follow along. We will rule side by side- you’ll see.”

The flames died down again, back to their regular flickering.

Ranboo frowned. Whoever this book had belonged too was either the one screaming, or the one who seemed driven to the point of maliciousness. Ranboo didn’t know which one they preferred it to be. Or if it had been someone’s else’s entirely, and it was just showing Ranboo these snippets to mess around with their psyche.

“Who are you?” Ranboo asked again. “Can- can you show me that? Who you are?”

The words came to a still, and then started to rearrange themselves. Ranboo looked up, expecting another light show. But instead of the flames rising into a bright, nearly blinding yellow, they turned a lovely shade of pink. No wind came, instead a springtime breeze.

“I don’t know about this, my love. Your sister has always been…I don’t want to speak ill of someone you hold so dear, but I don’t believe she has the witches best interests at heart.”

“Darling, I know my sister has her…quirks. But you must trust me. Can you do that? She’s promised us the world, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted to give you.”

“Oh Bertha, I’ve never wanted the world. I’ve only ever wanted you…and if this is what you believe is right, then I will stand by your side.”

“Attagirl, Mertha. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The pink died down, and Ranboo was left with a feeling of longing. Of yearning. Of…sadness.

“...Mertha? Is that who you are- were? Is that who you were?”

The pages of the book glowed the same dull pink the candles had.

Ranboo frowned. They understood. They completely understood. “...I’m sorry. I really am. I guess I get it but- but why are you showing me this? What can I do?”

The book started to flip through the pages itself, until it landed on the final page. As the white paper rippled like water, Ranboo squinted at the words that were starting to form. Instead of forming sentences, they swirled until the image of a pocket watch was in the dead center.

“Pocket watch? What do you- do you mean time? What about time? I don’t understand…come on, give me something else to work with so I can help!”

The hands on the image of the clock started to move. Words squished together like sardines to form an image ticked along like the hands of an actual clock. But instead of moving forwards, they were moving backwards. Starting out at a snail's pace and slowly gaining speed. Faster, and faster, and faster.

Until they stopped.

On the 11th hour.

“What? I still don’t- you want me to go back in time? That’s not- that’s not possible.”

Ranboo felt like a fool for even saying those words. It was possible. Ranboo knew it was possible because their closest friends had done so. Grian, Mumbo, Martyn, Jimmy, Pearl, Scar, Impulse, even Red. None of them had belonged on the DreamSMP when they had been, and yet they were, and they changed everything. At least that was the story Ranboo knew.

They wished they had their own side of the story, instead of fragmented memories.

They gulped, flipping back to the ‘Memory Make’ spell in the book. “Can- you don’t just show your memories, right? Can you show me mine? Is that possible?”

The words skipped from the back of the page back to the one Ranboo had open and began to swirl to actually form a sentence. One they had already read at the beginning of the book.

‘The wand is how you’ll channel your magic. Raw magic is dangerous, deadly even. Imagine volts of lightning-’

Ranboo sighed. “So I need a wand. Okay.” They pushed themself off of the ground, gathering up their candles to put back into their inventory. They tucked the book under their arm so they could take out the brown paper bag in their hot bar.

This afternoon when Ranboo said they were going off to look for ‘enchanting books’, Tubbo had made them wait so he could pack them a lunch. Ranboo opened up the bag, and smiled, seeing a note on top of a sandwich wrapped in plastic wrap.

‘Stay safe bug, I love you, xoxo- Tubbo p.s we need milk.’

Ranboo chuckled to themself as they took out the sandwich. They sat down on the front steps of the mansion, the sunlight pouring in and making the dust particles dance around them.

They beam, seeing what kind of sandwich Tubbo packed for them.

Peanut butter and banana.

Chapter Text

“I don’t even wanna [beep]-ing hide these, man. I just wanna keep ‘em.” Tommy said, holding the round plushie in her hands. It was soft and squishy, with a squeaker inside, and modeled exactly in her likeness. With the blonde hair, and red stitch across her face, and blue eyes. It was adorable, and even had a mini Jellie plushie attached to it! “Tubbo, I'm keeping these.”

“Yeah, me too boss man.” Tubbo admired the plushie that looked exactly like him, just chibi-fied, with horns and a scar made of a shiny material, with one white button eye and one green button eye. It too came with a mini plushie of its own- a mini–Michael in a little set of overalls. “I’m dying. I’m actually dying. This is the CUTEST thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Ranboo poked their head into the egg hunt building, ears perked up curiously. “What’s cute?”

“Bug, you’ve got one too!” Tubbo picked up a plushie from the shelf, tossing it to them.

Ranboo fumbled to catch the plushie. They held it in their hands, looking over the red and green embroidered eyes, the crown held on Velcro, and the Grumbot mini plush in its mitten paws. “Oh- oh wow. Oh my cod.”

“I don’t even give a [beep] about the egg hunt, this is the cutest thing ever and I’m keeping it.” Tommy opened up her bag, gently putting the plushie inside. “She’s going on my work desk when I finally set it up.”

“Oh, are you finally moving out?” Tubbo asked teasingly.

Tommy rolled her eyes, leaning against her cane. “Gotta fly the nest some time, Toby! I’ve asked False and Grian to help me out with building, because I dunno if I’ll be able to do that shit on my own. We should be starting any day now, according to Grian at least. He’s been busy with his weird shop.”

Ranboo and Tubbo both shuddered. Neither of them liked the entity all that much and did their best to avoid it. If they absolutely needed something, they just had their Chat go in for them, and then ended the stream as soon as they came back home.

“You better get started quick.” Tubbo said. “Doc goes back to working on The Perimeter tonight, probably around sundown. And I wouldn’t wanna work with all that noise.”

Tommy’s deer ears pinned back. After her fight with Keralis, she seemed to get the whole package- antlers, ears, and a fluffy white tail.

She hated the thought of Doc destroying all that nature. For what? Some farms? What about the trees, and the fruit on the trees? The animals living inside of those trees, and in the ground and caves below? All of it would be destroyed. Just like-

“Not on my watch.” Tommy grumbled to herself, heading out the door.

“Tommy, what’re you doing?” Ranboo asked, almost exasperated. “Please don’t do anything stupid.”

“You’re asking the wrong thing from the wrong person, oh husband of mine.” Tubbo said. He placed his mini him in his inventory for safe keeping. “Aye! Tommy! You gonna be home for dinner?”

“I’ll text you my co-ords so you can bring me a plate! I’ve got a forest to save!” Tommy shouted back to Tubbo. She ran across Spawn, heading towards the woods where The Perimeter was already starting to be hollowed out. A good chunk had already been blown to bits around the Woodland Mansion, hence why it was in a crumbling state. Tommy had a plan formulating in her noggin, and not even Jeb could stop her when she was like this.

Tubbo shook his head. “What’re we having for dinner anyway, bug?”

Ranboo shrugged. “I dunno, um, we could get cheesesteaks from The Pig Pen?”

“Oh my [beep]-ing gods, cheesesteaks sound fantastic.” Tubbo bonked his head against Ranboo’s arm, laughing when they let out a content ‘vwoop’ noise. “Kids location?”

“Happily making Ren, BDubs, and Tango have a tea party.”

He snorted out another laugh. “Oh this I’ve gotta see. Did they bring out the dress up box?”

“Had me lug it halfway across the server.” Ranboo playfully rolled their eyes, holding Tubbo’s hand as the two of them made their way out of the egg hunt building and out into the Shopping District. “The things we do for those kids.”

Tubbo gave a dreamy sigh. “We’re damn good parents.”

Ranboo smiled, leaning down to kiss Tubbo’s head. “Heck yeah, we are. How come the filter didn’t catch that?”

He just shrugged. “I can say damn and hell just fine, but [beep], [beep], [beep]- basically any word that comes out of Tommy’s mouth is totally off the table.”

“Huh. Whose bleeped so far?”

Tubbo thought for a moment. “Me, Tommy, xB, Pearl, Grian, Tango, Cleo, Doc, Stress, Auntie, Zedaph, False, Cub, and I thiiiiiink maybe Jevin? I dunno, Cleo’s been harassing him a lot lately, and frankly I’m heavily invested in that B Plot.”

Ranboo chuckled as Tubbo counted off on his fingers. “Hey, how’s the new hand?”

“Oh, it works like a dream.” Tubbo squeezed Ranboo’s hand. “Doc really brought his A game with this thing.” He let go just to flex it. His hand had been blown off in whatever happened to him, so Doc got to making a new one as soon as Tubbo had woken up. First the god apple, then the hand, Tubbo needed to do something nice for Doc to even out the score. “Hey, do ya think Doc likes baked goods?”

“Isn’t he, like, dating Ren? Who runs a bakery?”

“Hey, I just wanna make sure! I’ve gotta get him back for my hand!” Tubbo said, reaching back out to link arms with Ranboo. He quickly thought about how he was probably the most touchy-feely around Ranboo and his kids, but brushed it off for later. Ranboo just broke him out of his shell more than others, even Tommy! It was just an everyday fact at this point, nothing too big to dwell on.

Ranboo laughed, squeezing Tubbo’s arm. “You can always ask Tommy? I’m sure she knows what Doc likes.”

“Tommy’s off doing Tommy things. I’ll ask Ren when we get to the tea party. Make sure you get your com out, I might need blackmail material down the line, and this could be absolute gold.”

It was, in Tubbo’s terms, absolute gold.

Tango, Ren, and BDubs were all sitting in dinky little plastic chairs around a wooden play table with a classic red and white checkered picnic blanket. Ren looked like he was having the time of his life, wearing a fluffy pink boa and fake crown- to the point Tubbo had to do a double take to make sure it wasn’t Red. BDubs fastened his moss cloak around his shoulders, and let it grow out around his ankles to look more regal to pair with the tutu he had pulled on over his trousers. And Tango was wearing heart shaped sunglasses, a flower crown he was trying so hard not to incinerate, and his tail was decorated with beaded bracelets and bangles.

Tubbo cooed at the sight. He came up from behind Michael and scooped him, laughing when he squealed and squirmed. “There’s my honeybee! Having fun with your new friends?” He pressed kisses all around Michael’s face.

Michael laughed, kicking his little hooves. “Daddy! Put me down! The tea’s gonna get cold!”

Grumbot tugged on Ranboo’s sleeve, making them kneel down. “It’s not real tea.” He whispered to them. “You’ve gotta pretend it’s for real life.”

“Ohh okay, gotcha.” Ranboo whispered back. “Got room for one more?”

“Join the party my ender brother!” Ren scooched his chair over so that Ranboo could sit crisscross applesauce in the grass. “The more the merrier!”

Tubbo finished bombarding his son with kisses, setting back down in his plastic chair. “You gentlemen look like you’re having fun.”

“Best tea I’ve ever had.” Tango said. “20 outta 10, would recommend. Gotta support the local businesses, right Michael?” Tango held up his teacup to clink against Michael’s.

“At least the cookies are real, thank you, Ren.” BDubs said, reaching for another peanut butter and pumpkin spice cookie.

“Of course, dude! I take play time very seriously!” Ren chirped, passing a cookie to Tubbo and Ranboo each. “Here, try ‘em! I’ve been experimenting with new flavors! I think I did pretty alright!”

Ranboo took a bite of the cookie. “Oh my cod, Ren, that’s delicious!”

Ren’s tail went wag wag wag wag behind him. “Thanks my dude! I think they’re gonna be a big hit at Gigapies! I already know they’re a big hit with the kids!”

“I just hope you two didn’t spoil your dinner.” Tubbo gave Michael a look. “That means you young man. How many cookies did you have?”

“Don’t worry Tubbo, we cut him off after three.” Tango said, pretending to sip imaginary tea from the blue plastic cup. “And we only gave Grumbot three emeralds, so it's even.”

“Good!” Tubbo tickled Michael’s sides, making him giggle. “We don’t need someone getting a tummy ache!”

Michael giggled again, squirming so he flopped down on Ranboo’s lap.

Ranboo wrapped their arms around Michael. “Escaped the tickle monster and into hug jail!”

“Nooooo not hug jail!” Michael exclaimed dramatically. “Grumbot, help!”

Grumbot tried to pull Ranboo’s arms away, but Tubbo scooped him up instead. “Oh no! Michael!”

Ren, Tango, and BDubs were all dying of cuteness.

“Oh my freaking gods, I can’t- how? How are you all this freakin’ cute!” Ren exclaimed. “You’re like, the perfect family!”

Tubbo rolled his eyes. “I don’t believe in perfection in people, Ren. We’re messy, and loud, and these two are a handful and a half.” Tubbo huffed, kissing Grumbot’s monitor.

“Was that- was that a hand pun?” Tango stifled a laugh. “Am I allowed to laugh? Because of your-”

“I’m encouraging you to laugh, I’m [beep]-ing hilarious mate.” Tubbo settled Grumbot back down beside him in his plastic chair. His eyes darted over to BDubs. “Aye! What do you think you’re doing?!”

BDubs flushed, being caught sneaking a cookie over to Michael. “Quick Michael!”

Michael snatched the cookie from BDubs hands, and shoved the whole thing into his mouth, getting cookie crumbs all over his fur.

“Michael!” Ranboo gasped, pretending to be shocked. “You rascal! We said no more cookies!”

“But they’re so good!” Michael said with his mouthful, spraying cookie bits onto the table.

Thankfully, Tubbo always carried real napkins with him, even to imaginary tea parties. “C’mere you little-” Tubbo wiped off Michael’s face, then the table. “Don’t talk with your mouthful, you look like Mimi.”

“But Mimi is cool!”

“Please don’t repeat that in front of her, she’s already got an ego.” Tubbo rolled his eyes, putting the napkin back into his inventory.

“There are- there are literally so many other Hermits to think are cool.” Ranboo said. “Why Tommy?”

Michael shrugged. “I love Mimi!”

Ren bit down on his fist. “Gonna rot my FREAKIN’ TEETH OUT- how are you so cute!” Ren scooped Michael from Ranboo’s arms, hugging him like a plushie, his tail wagging. “Oh my goodness you munchkin!”

Michael laughed. “You’re really furry!”

“I am? I hadn’t noticed!” Ren feigned shock, pressing a kiss to Michael’s head. “I get way furrier little dude, around the full moon.”

A question mark appeared on Grumbot’s screen. “Why? What’s the full moon?”

BDubs laughed. “Let’s just call it that time of the month.”

Tubbo and Ren both gave BDubs an annoyed look.

“My dude, you make that joke every time.” Ren said, bouncing Michael on his lap.

“Yeah man, get some new material.” Tango said, sipping imaginary tea, and taking another cookie. He couldn’t help it! They were good cookies!

BDubs let out an offended joke. “Rude! Betrayed by my own friends! I-I can’t believe this! Can you believe this, kids?! C’mon, you think Uncle BDubs is funny, right?”

Grumbot nodded. “Mhm! You make funny sounds!”

“Funny sounds!?”

The entire picnic table was laughter and contentment. It was the perfect way to wrap up the afternoon, Tubbo putting any thoughts of chores on the back burner. His lab was nearly completed, and once that was done, he already had some experiments he wanted to start on before he built up the observatory. The difference between Tommy and Keralis’s shifting, studying Grian’s Watcher abilities, magic vs redstone- it all made him buzz with excitement.

And the day was about to get a lot more exciting.

Everyone’s coms immediately started pinging. Tubbo took out his com, as well as Ren.

“Oh geez, what’s going on now?” Tango said, himself and BDubs leaning over Ren’s shoulder to peek at his screen. Ranboo did the same with Tubbo, bonking their head with his while he was there.

< DocM77 > Scar come get your daughter

< GoodTimeWithScar > did you forget she’s your daughter too

< DocM77 > yes but she actually listens to you

< Grian > bold of you to assume Tommy listens to ANYONE

< joehillssays > what’s all the hubbub about, gentlemen?

< TommyInnit > VIVA LA REVOLUTION BITCH

< DocM77 > grian you’re a terrible influence on my daughter

< GoodTimeWithScar > oh NOW she’s your daughter okay i see how it is. No yeah i get it

Tubbo groaned. “What the hell is she doing now?”

Thankfully, he got that answer in the form of a private message.

< TommyInnit whispers to You > hey tubso can u bring me a shulker of food water and maybe a blanket imgonna be here a while

< You whisper to TommyInnit > what the hell r u doing

< TommyInnit whispers to You > revolution now come bring me food

< You whisper to TommyInnit > you’re lucky we were eating out tonight anyway

< TommyInnit whispers to You > thank u luv u

< You whisper to TommyInnit > luv u too. Dumbass

< TommyInnit whispers to You > u better be using ur walker. Bitch

< You whisper to TommyInnit > Read at 6:37 PM

< TommyInnit whispers to You > PRICK.

Tubbo got up from the picnic table and stretched. “Well gentlemen, that’s my cue to leave. I’ve got a Tommy to wrangle. Kids, you stay with your papa. I’m getting dinner out, how’s cheesesteaks sound?”

“Yeah, cheesesteaks!” Michael cheered.

“What’s she up to?” Ren asked curiously. “Doc’s going nuts about Grian and Impulse being a ‘bad influence’ on her. Dunno what he’s on about.”

“Who knows.” Tubbo sighed, rolling his eyes. “She just does things. I dunno if she even thinks half the time, but it’s certainly entertaining.” Tubbo leaned down and kissed Ranboo’s cheek. “Bonk. I’ll text you soon.”

“Bonk, stay safe.”

“I will, it’s just Tommy. How much [beep] could she have gotten herself into?”

Chapter Text

“Tommy what on earth are you doing?” Tommy’s com crackled with Doc’s voice, since she was much too high up to hear his shouting from the grass below. Good. The only way people were getting up here was elytra or they’d shimmy up the trunk of the tree.

Tommy smirked. “Revolution [beep]! You can’t just go around cutting down all these trees, destroying the environment and [beep]!”

“Tommy-”

“So until you decide to call off your Perimeter thing-” Tommy secured the ropes around her waist, making sure they were nice and snug. “I'm not going anywhere!”

Oh Tommy could definitely hear the roar of frustration Doc let out from the ground. It practically shook the forest, scaring off a flock of birds- probably sparrows. And Tommy started to laugh when he heard Doc shout, “YOU [BEEP]-ING HIPPIES!”

Tommy rested her arms behind her head, one leg folded over the other, her com in the front pocket of her overall dress. The plan was absolutely foolproof. Just live in the trees until Doc gives up! How hard could that possibly be? She could have Tubbo and Ranboo bring her up food and water, and she already gathered up her sleeping bag, design book and colored pencils, hand sewing kit, an umbrella, and her sword. What else could she possibly need?

Sure, it was probably pointless. But Tommy watched a swarm of butterflies fly right past her, one even fluttering around her head. When she stopped to admire the golden and black patterns on the wings, she knew she made the right call. And her code did too, shifting to have those exact type of wings spread across her back. She still kept the antlers, more flowers sprouting. It seemed Mother Nature approved.

Her com started to blow up from her front pocket. She took it out, laughing at the pandemonium in Chat. Boy, was she ever glad she got a new com while on Empires! It was nothing fancy- a wide screen that flipped open and took cartridges- but it had a nostalgic feel to it that she liked. It was already covered in stickers from Gem and Roz that said, ‘super star!’ and ‘Top student!’.

< DocM77 > Scar come get your daughter

< GoodTimeWithScar > did you forget she’s your daughter too

< DocM77 > yes but she actually listens to you

< Grian > bold of you to assume Tommy listens to ANYONE

< joehillssays > what’s all the hubbub about, gentlemen?

< TommyInnit > VIVA LA REVOLUTION BITCH

< DocM77 > grian you’re a terrible influence on my daughter

< GoodTimeWithScar > oh NOW she’s your daughter okay i see how it is. No yeah i get it

While Tommy wanted to revel in the chaos some more, her stomach started to grumble, putting a halt to her mischief-making. She cursed the fact her body needed to do basic functions like eat and nap and shot a quick text to Tubbo.

< You whisper to Tubbo_ > hey tubso can u bring me a shulker of food water and maybe a blanket imgonna be here a while

< Tubbo_ whispers to You > what the hell r u doing

< You whisper to Tubbo_ > revolution now come bring me food

< Tubbo_ whispers to You > you’re lucky we were eating out tonight anyway

< You whisper to Tubbo_ > thank u luv u

< Tubbo_ whisper to You > luv u too. Dumbass

< You whisper to Tubbo_ > u better be using ur walker. Bitch

< Tubbo_ whispers to You > Read at 6:37 PM

< You whisper to Tubbo_ > PRICK.

Tommy rolled her eyes but flipped her com back closed. She kept it on her lap, in case someone else pinged her. She looked out at the horizon, just taking deep calming breaths into the evening air. She was so high up, maybe halfway to build height. And the view was wonderful. She wasn’t facing Spawn, but instead the expanding forest. Huge redwoods like the one Tommy was sitting in mixed with smaller chunks of birch woods.

From so high up Tommy could make out more of the landscape. Winding river with natural steppingstones sticking out of them. A village all the way in the distance that might’ve been missed during the day one shenanigans. A mother bear leading her cubs back into a den. Tommy smiled, glancing up at the sun.

“I’ve got this.” She mumbled to herself. “Nothing else is gonna get destroyed on my watch.”

She had a few moments of peace before Hermits started gathering at the base of the three.

First, she saw Scar land down below next to Doc, putting his wheelchair in park so he didn’t roll along the muddy terrain. Doc was throwing his hands around in frustration, and Tommy snickered at the long string of bleeps that were coming from his mouth. Sometimes it was satisfying being a nuisance.

Her com started to ring again, and when she flipped it open, she saw Scar’s name displayed on the screen. “This is Tommy-Anne Innit GoodTimes speaking! State your name and business or get lost!”

“Tommy, you certainly know how to put on a show!” Scar exclaimed cheerily. “You’ve got Doc in quite the state, let me tell you young lady.”

“Thank you very much, I try to shake things up when I can!”

“Give me that-” Doc grumbled through the speaker, taking the communicator from a protesting Scar. “Tommy-Anne, you get down here this instant.”

Tommy snickered. “Nah, I don’t think so mate. Sorry, I can’t let a forest like this be destroyed in the name of science, or whatever. There’s innocent animals and plants living here, you wrongen! Go [beep] up a mesa or desert or something!”

Tommy could hear start to hiss and sizzle through the phone.

“Hello Tommy, Scar again!” Scar chirped, having been given the com back. “What are your demands?”

“My demands are to leave the forest alone. Thought I was pretty clear on that bit, ya got corn in your ears or something?”

“Hmmm.” Scar tapped his hand against his chin. “Are you willing to negotiate?”

“I’m not negotiating anything!” Doc exclaimed. He was pacing across the forest floor, probably wearing a rut in the grass and weeds. “I’ve had this planned for months! Two years even! I am not- Tommy!”

Tommy hummed, kicking her leg back and forth. “You wanna play chicken, let’s play chicken!” She snapped her com shut, laughing like the mad woman she was.

Doc was pacing back and forth, going between Creeper Tongue and Common to curse whatever god he could name that he knew wouldn’t immediately smite him. “I’m going to throttle that pesky bird.” He made a choking gesture, then turned around and head-butted one of the smaller birch trees to get the anger out.

Scar couldn’t deny he was thoroughly amused by all of this. “What’s that old saying about history repeating and rhyming?”

“Not helping, Scar!”

“I never said I was here to help! I’m simply an observer!”

“Can you observe somewhere else so you’re not in blast distance?” Doc could already feel his palms start to tingle, and he didn’t need Scar caught in the crossfire. His eyes darted up to the tree, only able to make out the soles of Tommy’s converse.

Doc started to shove all of his belongings in a shulker box, and then handed it to Scar before stomping off a good fifty feet.

< DocM77 blew up >

Scar was glad Doc wasn’t around to hear him laugh at him.

Tommy jumped at the explosion and moved her neck back to get a good look down below. There was a smoking creeper crater in the grass, creating a divot in the earth. Trickles of rainwater from nearby puddles instantly started to fill it, creating a pool of water. Tommy smiled. It reminded him of the L’manburg crater. Even after all that destruction, something beautiful still came from it.

Her stomach grumbled again.

She scowled and decided to call Tubbo. She listened to the jingle before the beep indicated Tubbo had answered her call. “Hi, yes, hello, will food be in my mouth soon please?”

“Gods I forgot how [beep]-y you get when you’re hungry.”

“Now was that the b-word or the c-word?”

“Whatever [beep]-es you off more.” Tubbo playfully rolled his eyes. “ETA is ten clicks, can ya wait that long for a cheesesteak and iced coffee? With fries? I’m going the extra mile and getting you fries.”

“Mmm fries.” Tommy leaned back against the tree. “Alright alright, you’re forgiven Tubbo. How’re you gonna get it up here?”

“I’m using Air Grian.” Tubbo said, fiddling with a straw. “Any chance to [beep] off Doc is a chance he’s jumping at the gun to take.”

Tommy laughed. “Thank you for supporting women’s rights, my brother!”

“Boss woman, these are absolutely women’s wrongs.”

“Tomato potato.” Tommy waved him off. “Doc quite lich-rally exploded down below, it’s great. Is this what Grian and Impulse did back in the day? This is fantastic, I’m having the time of my life up here!”

“Have you thought this through at all?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Alright, carry on. See you in ten, love you.”

“Love you too.” Tommy turned off her com with a click, going back to relaxing and enjoying the slow sunset.

Tubbo rolled his eyes as he waited for the food to be done. He could smell the fries being, well, fried all the way in the back, and it made his mouth water. His, Rambo’s, and the kids' orders were already in the to-go bag. He just had to wait for Grian to arrive, and then Tommy’s food to be done cooking.

Thankfully, Grian swooped down, landing right in front of Tubbo, making him scream.

“[Beep] man! Give a guy a Grian!” Tubbo exclaimed, putting a hand over his heart.

Grian rolled his eyes. “Can you people stop using me as a verb? A noun? Whatever.”

“Sorry boss man, it’s too funny!” Tubbo said. He put his family’s order into his inventory, leaning against the counter. “Can you fly Tommy’s food up to her? She gets cranky when she’s hungry and then it's just a whole thing. Plus I haven’t got wings.”

“Yeah yeah, I’ll bring her food up to her.” Grian pulled up a chair. “This definitely brings back memories. Renbob and I did something similar a few years back. Chained ourselves to the front of this giant old oak tree that Doc was planning on bulldozing. And he couldn’t just run us over, cuz then he’d be in trouble with Ren!”

Tubbo raised his eyebrows. “How long were you chained up for?”

“Five and a half weeks!” Grian said proudly, a smile on his face remembering the good old days. “Lyarrah came down from her condo on Skyblock to do an exclusive interview for the Recap, it was great. You could tell Doc was getting riled up.”

Tubbo snickered. “He seems to get riled up easily.”

“That’s why it’s so much fun messing with him.” Grian said. “Tommy’s gonna need a bit more than just a meal. If I text you a list, can you gather that all up while I bring him his food? Impulse and Ren can cover the ground floor if she needs it.”

“Wow, you’re really going all out for this.”

He gave a shrug. “I like poking the goat.” He was typing up a list for Tubbo, and hit send when he finished it. She’d need more blankets, granola bars, a lantern and flashlight, batteries, vitamin pills- she was going to be up there a while, if Grian knew Tommy.

“Order’s up!” Jevin came out of the kitchen, putting the bag down on the counter. “What’s all the excitement?”

Grian’s feathers were all a flutter as he took the take-out bag from Jevin.
“I think Tommy’s about to spark another war.”

Jevin laughed. “You’d think Doc would get tired of getting his butt kicked by short bird people. Give Tommy my best.”

“Will do, thanks Jevin!” Grian spread his wings and flew out of the shop, leaving Jevin and Tubbo in the dust.

Tommy was able to keep her hands busy while she waited for her food. She used the yarn from her bag to play cat's cradle. She wasn’t very good at it, but it was something to do while waiting for her food. She hummed and kicked her leg back and forth, mind occupied.

It felt like this was her duty. To protect this forest. To protect these animals, these plants and trees and streams. She wasn’t able to save L’manburg, but she could save this sliver of nature from destruction.

“So bye bye miss American pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry. And them good ol’ boys were drinking whiskey and rye. Singing this will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die.” She sang to herself.

It was quiet, but she hoped her voice carried on the wind to everyone who had sung that melody around a campfire. To the soldiers who died for it. That song might as well have been a second anthem for the country, becoming a war cry and a message of hope wrapped into one. Tommy already knew Tubbo and Grian could hear it in her voice- they were close to her heart and thankfully, close in distance.

She hoped Fundy could hear it. How was he doing, caring for Yogurt? Maybe she and Tubbo could pop on over to Las Nevadas, just so the little ones could have a playdate. Yogurt and Michael did always get along. Maybe Xisuma would let Fundy have a place on Hermitcraft if he needed it.

She hoped Niki could hear it. She always sang it the loudest when she wasn’t on patrols. She raised her mug of coffee to the stars and let the fire that was her hair burn a passionate pink. Tommy always admired Niki, and even more so when she learned how Niki had become one with The Red King.

She hoped Jack could hear it. Jack who she had abandoned one too many times, despite the fact she still had his leather cord friendship bracelet in her enderchest. She wondered if he still wore it. If he still thought about the snowball fights they had, or the heatwave where they slept with their feet dangling in the stream.

She hoped Eret could hear it. Eret tried to make sure L’manburg was never, ever forgotten. That this server, that had always been underestimated and overlooked, would never be forgotten. Tommy spent too long hating Eret, she was glad she didn’t have to anymore.

She hoped Jimmy could hear it. She hoped Jimmy was happy on Empires. Baking, cooking, being the leader she knew he was meant to be. She’d seen how his kingdom and people loved and admired him, and she was just glad he was still an integral part of her life. He sometimes played the guitar instead of Wilbur, and even though he was a little rusty, he gave it his all.

She hoped Martyn could hear it. Martyn never left the DreamSMP. Tommy was pretty sure Martyn had never left L’manburg, at least in a metaphorical sense. He had given his all into that country. From being the head of guard, to something silly as a campfire song. He sang right from the heart, and Tommy wanted him to be happy.

She hoped…

She hoped Wilbur could hear it. She hoped Wilbur was happy. She hoped one day she’d be able to look him in the eyes and call him her brother again. She hoped he’d be proud of her. And that she could be proud of him.

Tommy looked down at her cat’s cradle. It looked like a jumble of yarn, but when she held it up to the golden orange sunset, all she could see was light. Pure, unfiltered light.

Her daydreaming was interrupted by the flapping of wings.

Grian landed on the branch right next to Tommy, easily perching to balance. “Got your food, Thomas-Anne.”

“Oh man, I’m [beep]-ing starving, thanks mate.” Tommy snatched the food from Grian, shaking the yarn off her fingers. “Oh [beep] that smells like a damn good cheesesteak.”

“It is, Jevin’s a good cook. Just scrape off the slime with a fork and you’re golden. Now-” Grian got comfortable on the branch. “What’s the game plan here?”

Chapter Text

Tommy wiped her mouth of the vegetarian cheesesteak and shoved the wrapping back inside of the paper bag it came in. Her iced coffee and fries were in a cardboard tray that sat balanced on one the thicker branches next to her, Grian hovering to make sure it didn’t fall below and spill all over the crowd that was gathering below. “I was right, that was a damn good cheesesteak. Ya know, minus the gunk.”

“Eh, gunk isn’t too bad.” Grian shrugged. “Now, what’s our game plan here?”

She stared at Grian. “Our gameplan? You’re gonna help?”

“Obviously I am!” Grian couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. It really did remind him of the good old days between the tail end of season six and beginning of season seven when everything felt shiny and hopeful and new. It was like stepping back in time and looking at his younger self in Tommy. “Impulse and Ren should be willing to help too. We’ve rode this rodeo before, Tommy.”

That just made Tommy smile so hard her cheeks hurt. “Right! Alright, I’ve got up here, and I’m sure you do too! Maybe we can get False up here with us, she’s a bird, she likes high places! Impulse and Ren can cover the ground floor, stop Doc from going after the trunk.”

“Oh if only Renbob were here.” Grian produced a rope from his inventory, tying it around the branches above the two of them. He was setting up a pulley system- one end of the rope being tugged right around the tree, and the other looped around the handle of a shulker box. “Alright that should do the trick.”

“Now Tubbo doesn’t have to fly up!”

“Exactly!” Grian said. “He’s gone to get supplies; I gave him a list. When Impulse, Renbob and I did this we had it planned for weeks- the only reason Ren wasn’t involved was because he was running supplies back and forth. You did this entirely last click with no prep. So let the pros work out all the logistics.”

Tommy stuck her tongue out. “Ough, logistics.”

“You can say that again.”

“Logistics.”

“No, I meant-” Grian sighed. “Never mind, Tommy.”

She smirked, craning her neck to look down at the ground below. Doc had made it back from Spawn and was retrieving all his stuff from the shulker box he left with Scar. From his inventory he pulled out a mega-phone. “Where the hell does he keep all this stuff?”

Grian just shrugged again, securing the rope with a sticky, red substance. It looked like redstone, and smelled like redstone, but Tommy had never seen redstone in a goop form before. Grian slathered it around the branches of the tree, and when he saw Tommy’s face, he was quick to reassure. “This won’t hurt the tree. It’s just redstone and slime- good for sticky pistons. Etho showed me this trick back when we first met.”

“As long as it doesn’t hurt the tree.” Tommy pat the trunk of the tree as if it was an animal. “I’m gonna call you Impa.”

Grian raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

The megaphone crackled from down below, making both Tommy and Grian cover their ears from the high-pitched burst of noise.

“Tommy, please leave the tree.” Doc said calmly through the megaphone. “Grian stop encouraging her!”

Grian just let out a laugh like a mad man. He grabbed onto the branch and latched on with his legs, hanging upside down. He grinned, ponytail in front of his face. “You don’t want this smoke, Doc! You know I play dirty!”

“You pesky bird! I knew you were a bad influence on my daughter!”

Grian blew a raspberry at him.

Tommy laughed too. “Yeah, you tell ‘em Grian! Get his [beep]!” She clapped, but quickly stopped when she nearly knocked over her fries. “Leave Impa alone!”

“Yeah Doc, leave Impa alone!”

“Who the hell is Impa!?” Doc shouted from the ground. The hackles on the back of his neck were raised, and he could feel his blood pressure spiking to the ceiling. “Tommy, come on! What do you want!”

“To stop destroying the [beep]-ing environment! You capitalistic tory!” Tommy shook her fist at Doc like she was a crotchety old lady, and he was refusing to get off her lawn. “Go build your ‘perimeter’ somewhere else!”

Doc pinched the bridge between his nose. Deep breaths in, and deep breaths out, Doc. He had already exploded once, he didn’t want to again. He shoved the megaphone into Scar’s hands. “You try and talk some sense into the two of them.”

“Well, I certainly can try!” Scar cleared his throat and held the megaphone up to his mouth. “Hello? Hello hello? Is this thing on, I can’t tell!”

“I can hear you loud and clear, Scar!” Grian shouted, still dangling upside down. His hands kept a sturdy grasp on the thick branch, his wings spread out for an extra layer of protection. The red, orange, and yellow rippled like fire, matching the setting sun. “Can you hear me?”

Scar tilted his head. He couldn’t hear Grian. It must’ve just been Doc’s super creeper hearing that allowed him to hear up so high. He held a finger up to Grian before reaching for his com and ringing Tommy. “Can you hear me now?”

“We’re not leaving this tree, Scar.” Tommy said simply. “You’ll have to pry my cold and lifeless body away from Impa!”

“Aw, you named it after that video game you like!”

“Don’t ‘aw’ this, Scar!” Doc exclaimed. He was practically tearing his fur out.

Scar huffed, turning around so his back was facing Doc. “Apologies Tommy, your dad is being unbearably rude. Now, as your dad, I must advise that you leave the tree at once so that Doc can get back to work. There are plenty of trees on the server, and there’ll be even more when Xisuma’s allowed to lower the world border! So how about we just-”

Tommy held up both hands, giving Scar the bird.

“Thomas-Anne GoodTimes!”

“See, I told you.” Doc grumbled.

Scar turned, giving Doc a pointed look. “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, Doc!”

“Wow you two are really [beep]-ing divorced.” Tommy said, still able to hear Scar and Doc squabbling through the com. “It’s kind of impressive, really, I thought Grian was the most divorced guy on the server.”

Grian let out a squawk. “I don’t know if I should be offended by that or not!”

“Hey, you got the divorce, not me!”

“What the hell are you two talking about!?” Doc groaned through the com. “Tommy, please, I am asking nicely. Leave. The tree.”

“And I already said you’ll have to [beep]-ing kill me! Prick!” Tommy slammed her com shut with a click like the shell of a clam.

Grian chuckled and shook his head. “If you were anyone else, he’d just blow the tree up, you know that, right? You’ve essentially got full DocM77 immunity, and the only other person who has that besides you, Tubbo, and Ranboo is Ren. And Ren’s married to the guy!”

Tommy rolled her eyes at just the mention of Ren. “Look if dog boy wants to help, he can. But he can’t replace the king.”

Grian’s face fell, his brow furrowing. “Is that what you think Ren’s trying to do? Replace The Red King?”

Before Tommy could answer, her com started ringing again. She was about to ignore it, before seeing the Caller ID was Tubbo. “Tubbo, my friiiiieeend!”

“I’ve got the goods.” Tubbo said. He was hiding behind a tree, just a bit away from where Doc and Scar were arguing on the ground of the forest. “Where’s the rendezvous? I can’t get past the scouts.”

Tommy grinned. Her wings flapping. Something about getting to play war instead of experiencing it firsthand filled her with a childlike giddiness. “Go ‘round, the bend, Grian’s gonna drop a shulker from this pulley thing. Put it in, then high tail it out of dodge. Go get Impulse and Ren, we need all the backup we can get, over.”

“O- seven boss woman, over.” Tubbo ended the call and slipped his com back into his pocket. He peaked back out the tree, and saw that Doc and Scar were too busy arguing like children to even notice him. His eyes darted to the grass, mapping out the best possible route around the swath of thin birch trees and thick redwood trunks. How could redwoods and birch even survive in the same soil?

He decided it would be more strategically sound to walk in a zig zag instead of a straight line. He hopped over twigs to avoid them snapping, and side-stepped around puddles so the splash wouldn’t make hoof prints in the dirt. His ratty green winter coat was the perfect camouflage among the foliage. Tubbo was starting to feel the same giddiness Tommy was- playing was much better than being thrown into the fray. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually played that wasn’t with the kids.

Actually. He did remember.

Tommy, Fundy, Jack, Niki, and himself all played tag right before the elections. Right before everything went to shit, they all ran around L’manburg and played tag. The flag was home base, and use of weapons like pinecones and pebbles were allowed. Each of them was armed with a slingshot and a helmet before they all ran off in different directions. Niki had been it, since she had been the oldest at the time- she and Jack were 15 to Tubbo and Tommy’s 13 and Fundy’s 12.

How had everything gone so wrong so quickly?

Tubbo let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he reached the base of the tree and saw the shulker sitting on the ground. He twisted it open, starting to put in everything one at a time. Sleeping bag and blankets, flashlight and batteries, non-perishable food and snacks, water bottles- everything Grian told him to get.

Doc stopped arguing with Scar mid shout, his ears perked up. He heard rustling from behind the tree. He tapped the side of his eye, and chuffed when he saw the thermal outline crouched behind the trunk. “Tubbo, I can see you!”

“[BEEP].” Tubbo twisted the shulker back closed and tugged on the rope. “PULL ME UP PULL ME UP!”

“WE’RE PULLING!” Tommy shouted.

She and Grian pulled and pulled on the rope, Tubbo balancing on the shulker. Once he was pulled up and he hopped off the shulker box, and pulled himself up onto one of the above branches like he was doing a pull-up on his bar back in Snowchester. He heaved himself up and sat comfortably. “Guess I’m a tree boy now.” He said calmly.

“YEAH, TREE BOYS!” Tommy cheered.

Grian playfully rolled his eyes and twisted open the shulker. “Good job, Tubbo. We’ve got enough here to last a good two weeks.”

“You don’t really think we’ll be up here that long, do you?” Tubbo asked. “Cuz like, I’ve got a family I need to feed and bathe and all that. I haven’t got the time to fully commit to being a tree boy.”

Tommy rolled her eyes. “Yeah yeah, you can get back to the missus and your kids or whatever once the coast is clear. Or at least till backup arrives. I have alllll the time in the world to be a tree girl.”

“Well it just so happens that backup is on its way.” Grian said. “Impulse and Ren are on their way. They weren’t going to miss out on a chance like this!”

“More the merrier!” Tommy beamed.

“It might get a little cramped up here though- hey pass me some chips?” Tubbo reached down to take the paper cup of extra salted fries. “Thanks Tommy. Hey, was that cheesesteak any good?”

“It was [beep]-ing amazing, I didn’t think they could make fake meat taste like real meat like that! You’ve gotta try it.”

“Boss woman, I fully respect that you don’t eat real meat. Please respect that I don't eat FAKE meat.”

“Eh, your loss.” Tommy shrugged, sipping on her iced coffee.

Down below, Doc was growing increasingly more impatient. If it was anybody else sitting in that tree, he’d have no hesitation in just launching a tnt cannon at it, or a barrage of arrows, or even luring vex to work their magic. But his own daughter was up there! Was this teenage rebellion? Was this what this was? Doc had read a million parenting books after he first discovered Tommy, and they all said as they grew up they’d be more defiant. Doc didn’t think they’d mean this!

This is what happens when Grian of all people gets involved. That pesky bird was a terrible influence! And now Tubbo was up there! Doc was about to start pulling his fur out, if he wasn’t more worried about it turning gray.

Scar, however, thought this was all just one big joke. He had no stakes in whether Doc gets his perimeter, or Tommy gets her tree. He’s just happy to be entertained, as long as nobody gets hurt! Well, nobody meaning Tommy and Tubbo. The Hermits were able to get up and brush themselves off from any conflict that might’ve gone wrong- but he didn’t know how well those two were able to bounce back yet. Better be safe than sorry!

“Oh great.” Doc grumbled, hearing rockets. “Here comes the peanut gallery.”

“Hey Doc, hey Scar!” Impulse landed right in front of them, standing between Doc and Scar, and the tree. He leaned against the trunk; arms crossed. “This feels familiar.”

Doc groaned. “How much can I pay you to leave?”

“Sorry buddy, but I’ve still got a bit of hippie in me.” He threw up a peace sign. “A for effort though!”

“Yeah, go Impulse!” Grian shouted from the tree.

Impulse looked up, giving Grian a thumbs up.

“This couldn’t possibly get any worse.” Doc ran a hand down his face.

Scar tugged on his arm. “Doc-”

“Don’t say it.”

Ren landed perfectly next to Impulse, laughing and linking arms with him. “Sorry baby, but I missed last time!”

“I hate it here.” Doc said simply.

Ren just barked out a laugh. With his free hand he took out his com, swiping on the screen to make the call up to Grian. “Hey G, we’re down below! We’ve got things covered on the ground floor!”

“Thanks Ren! I’m sending Tubbo back down, you make sure he gets safe passage!”

“Will do bud!” Impulse said. “Tommy, how’re you holding up?”

“Waist is a little numb from the rope, but otherwise, I’m pretty poggers!” She said, a bright smile on her face. She set her iced coffee back in its paper holder and started to take her hair out of its pigtails to braid. “Say hello to the missus and my nephews for me, Toby!”

Tubbo gave a thumbs up, situating himself back onto the shulker box. “Alright, ready to go boys!”

“Tubbo incoming!” Tommy chirped into her com before hanging up.

Grian pulled one end of the pulley, slowly lowering Tubbo down to the ground. Impulse broke the arm link with Ren just to hold his arms out, in case Tubbo wobbled or fell. “You got this Tubbo!”

“I know boss man!” Tubbo still had his eyes squeezed shut. It wasn’t heights he hated, just the idea of going splat. He let out a deep sigh of relief when he was safely lowered onto the ground, feeling Impulse’s hand on his shoulder. “Is it over yet?”

“Yeah, you can step off the ride now.” Impulse helped him onto the grass. “Catch your breath, then go back the way you came. We’ve got things handled here.” He clapped Tubbo on the back.

Tubbo opened his eyes, blinking the one he used to see, while the other still had a dark film over it. One of these days he really needed to get an eye like Iskall’s, because he was tired of his piss poor depth perception. “You sure you’re both good here?”

“Yeah dude!” Ren gave a thumbs up, and Impulse joined back up into the link. “We’ve been at protests since before you spawned! Wasn’t that how we met, Impulse? Skyblock protest, what, 15 years ago?”

“Oh yeah! Man, I feel old.” He joked, playfully punching Ren in the shoulder. “Now go Tubbo, before Doc decides no more Mr. nice creeper!”

Tubbo gave a salute out of habit, before dashing back off into the woods. He swung from tree to tree, just to make it a little harder on Doc and Scar if they decided to run after him.

Thankfully, neither did.

“Ren, please.” Doc groaned. “My blood pressure.”

Ren gave Doc a grin. “Sorry not sorry! We’ve got a tree to save!”

Chapter Text

Doc tapped his pen against the blueprints on his desk, scowling at the video playing on his com. It was a live feed of those damned hippies chained to the oak tree that was right smack dab in the middle of where he and Scar were planning on expanding.

It was a nuisance at best, and at worst it was a jab at his ego. If it weren’t for the fact Renbob was chained to that tree and had to adhere to the basic three lives rule since he didn’t have an official Whitelist, Doc would just rip the tree from the roots. But he had to be smart about this. He was a smart man after all.

He sighed and clicked off the video. The live stream was 24 hours, so he’d be able to check in on them whenever he needed. Really, he should thank Lyarrah, Pix, and Zloy, because it was much more reliable than their grainy security cameras. Doc swiped up on his screen, tapping at the buttons and setting a reminder for himself to check the livestream again in 20 clicks.

Getting up from his desk, he stretched his arms over his head, and then behind his back. Scar was always on his case about slouching for too long at his desk, and while he hated admitting when Scar was right, maybe he should take his advice and invest in a good chair. It was hard finding chairs made for his size, and when he did find them, the prices were borderline criminal. It might be worth the cash though, because he couldn’t keep ‘loafing’ on the floor like a housecat. His jeans were covered in cleaning residue and eraser shavings.

Doc could worry about his bad back later. It was time to head to Falsewell and pick up Annit- Tommy. Tommy. Doc kept forgetting he had a name now, an official name they were planning on putting on his birth certificate once they could take him to a courthouse at the end of the season. It was a ways away, and yet Scar and Doc were still making plans.

< You whisper to falsesymmetry > i’m on my way to pick up Tommy

< falsesymmetry whispers to you > thank jeb

< You whisper to falsesymmetry > ??

< falsesymmetry whispers to You > he keeps scaring off my customers by turning into creepers

< You whisper to falsesymmetry > i’ll talk to him. But did you really have that many customers to begin with?

< falsesymmetry whispers to You > Read 4:12 PM

< You whisper to falsesymmetry > Blocked

Doc slipped his communicator back into his pocket, and pulled his elytra over his lab coat. The wings spread out like wings of a peacock, but had the metallic shine of heavy metal doors. When Doc took off, it sounded like an overheating laptop. Doc thought it was rather intimidating, even if Scar’s main joke was he needed to be put in rice.

He soared out of the lab, and out into the open sky.

Ren looked up at the sky, covering his eyes with his paw. What was Doc doing flying to Falsewell?

He could worry about that later. He had to gather up supplies to run to Grian, Renbob, and Impulse! They were already two weeks into the protest, and there was no sign of budging from them, or from Doc and Scar. Ren heaved the backpack over his shoulders, heading through camp to find what he needed.

His bewildered expression turned into a wide smile, his tail wagging. “Wil! Sally! Hey!”

Wilbur looked up from where he was attempting to strum his guitar, but it was hard leaning over his slight baby bump. The flower crown laid crooked on his head, and the wind was blowing his already messy hair around. “Hello Ren!”

“Hey Ren.” Sally waved to him with one hand. Her hair was in a braid across her shoulder, and she was wearing Wilbur’s red beanie over her fans to keep them nice and toasty. “Where you headed off to?”

“Over to Project Treehouse!” Ren said. “Gotta get these supplies to our guys! Hey, that rhymed!”

“Anything we can do to contribute to our brave soldiers on the front lines?” Wilbur set his guitar down, and laughed when Sally reached over to ruffle his hair, knocking the flower crown even more askew than it already was.

“Nah dude, you, Sally, and the mini Soot just chill!” Ren rifled through the bag, tossing a chocolate almond granola bar to Wilbur. “Keep your strength off, and don’t be on your feet too long!”

Wilbur tore the wrapper with his teeth, practically eating it in one go. He wasn’t usually this ravenous, but hey, he was pregnant! He was allowed to indulge himself on whatever the baby wanted. And the baby wanted granola.

“Don’t worry Ren, I’ve got him covered.” Sally leaned back against the picnic table.

“Right on!” Ren cheered, messing her hair up too. “I’ll be off! See ya tonight at the bonfire!”

Wilbur and Sally both waved back to Ren as he jogged off, a few of the snacks falling out of the bursting backpack. Wilbur went to shout for him, but sighed when he was too far away to hear him. “I’ll get them.”

Sally pushed him back down onto the picnic bench as soon as he sat up. “You stay put, Wil. I’ve got it.”

He gave her a lovestruck and moony smile. “How’d I wind up so lucky?”

She just shrugged, picking up the granola bars, packs of trail mix and sunflower seeds, and bananas out of the grass. “Maybe you did something good in a past life.”

“Dunno what I could’ve done to have such an amazing girlfriend, but hey, I’m not complaining!” Wilbur accepted the trail mix Sally handed him when she sat back down beside him.

Hopefully Ren wouldn’t miss those snacks that were left behind.

Ren jogged all the way through the forest separating the hippies from Area 77, following the sound of cameras rolling, chattering crowds, and Scar trying to do damage control over the press. Ren’s hackles raised, stopping short when he saw just how many reporters were practically swarming the Hermits who couldn’t get away, being tied to a tree and all. He always hated the paparazzi. Freakin’ vultures.

“As you can see-!” Scar’s voice was smooth as butter on hot toast as he tried to win over the people watching the livestream at home, as well as the reporters recording for their shitty one diamond, gas station tabloids. “This is all just one big misunderstanding! I’m sure any day now they’ll unchain themselves and we can all go on with our lives!”

“Fat chance, man!” Renbob shouted from the tree, shaking his fist. “This is the oldest tree in the forest, and we’re not just gonna let ya tear her down that easily!”

Scar gave a nervous laugh, tugging at the collar of his jacket. “Well- well that’s a bit of an exaggeration, Renbob! We weren’t going to tear her down, per say!”

Grian stared at Scar, eyebrows raised. If he could put his hands on his hips, he would’ve. “Scar, we both know that’s an absolute fib.”

Scar gulped as he was called on his bluff.

“Scar, is it true you and DocM77 have been polluting the waters that the hippies have been using for drinking and bathing, even unintentionally?”

Scar gaped as a microphone was shoved in his face, taking a step back. “No! No of course not! We- we have tests and regulations for all that!” He was telling the truth this time, but of course his floundering already made him good as guilty in the eyes of the public who just wanted a good story.

“Hey, leave him alone!” Ren shouted, pushing through the crowd. He stood between Scar and the cameras. “Don’t you have anything better to do!?”

“Yeah you tell ‘em Ren!” Impulse cheered. “We’ve been trying to get them to leave all day! The only one we want here is the Recap!”

“You heard ‘em, get!” Ren took off his sandal to show he meant business. “Vultures, the lot of ya!”

“Ren Dog, will you be taking any ques-!”

“What part of ‘get’ don’t you understand! Vamos! Shoo! Scram! Until ya can learn to treat the Hermits with respect, I ain’t gonna letcha near ‘em!” Ren swung his sandal around, until the horde of reporters started to clear out and disperse. Ren knew they'd be back later, but at least for now everyone was alright.

Scar sighed in relief. “Thank you, Ren. That- you know that thing with the water isn’t true, right? Doc wouldn’t go that far.”

“Of course I do.” Ren started to pass out the snacks. He opened up the front pouch, tossing Scar a water bottle and a Tupperware of snickerdoodles. “Here, take those to Doccy.”

Scar cracked a smile. “Thanks, Ren.”

“No problem, dude. Hey, any idea why Doc was headin’ off to Falsewell? Thought he thought that place was a load of bull.”

Looking visibly paler, Scar gulped. “Oh! Oh who knows why Doc does things! He’s an enigma to even the best of us!”

“Ain’t that the truth man.” Renbob dug into his peanut butter sandwich.

“Hey, we might be in a tussle, but that’s still my husband you’re bad mouthin’.” Ren thumped Renbob on the head.

Impulse gulped down his redstone and strawberry protein shake. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “Whatever Doc’s up to, let’s hope it’s not as bad as those reporters are saying.”

Grian hadn’t eaten since the breakfast run, so he was tearing into the tuna salad sandwich with avocado like it was his last meal. He heaved, taking a swing from the water bottle. “False will keep him on his toes, that’s for sure.”

Scar just gave another nervous laugh. “Well boys, this was nice, but I best be off!”

“See ya tomorrow, Scar!” Grian gave an innocent smile and wave, laughing at the annoyed huff Scar let out.

With a nervous flutter from his wings, Scar took off into the air towards Area 77. He knew if Doc was heading to Falsewell that meant he was going to pick up Tommy, so Scar was going to fly around the perimeter of the chain link fence surrounding their base. If any reporters were around, Scar would be sure they’d be dealt with.

No he wasn’t going to kill them. But how could they ever prove it was him, and not some random horde of vexes?

Doc landed in Area 77, closing his elytra back up against his lab coat. He got some strange looks from the citizens of Falsewell, but at this point they all knew better than to approach him. Not that he was unfriendly! He just didn’t have the time for stupid questions.

He shoved two of his hands in his pockets, the other two checking the time on his com. He was only ten minutes late, having been stopped by one of the Concorp drones flying around. He told Cub he didn’t want those damn things flying over Area 77! He just refused to listen! So Doc had to chuck rocks at it till it went down, having lost his beloved trident only a few weeks ago.

Doc made his way down the street towards the hotel where Tommy usually stayed with False. If he wasn’t there, then he’d be at the playground. Then the museum, then the playground. Doc really didn’t feel like going on a manhunt today.

Thankfully, he didn’t. He heard familiar swearing as he was walking past the playground, and stopped, watching with a small smile.

Tommy, whose hair was a bright pink instead of its usual blonde as a disguise, had a long stick he was using as a sword. He swung it, hitting against another kid's stick. This kid was a little taller than Tommy, with dark curly hair, one blue and one red eye, and red demon horns, one of them chipped.

“Yeah bitch, I’m gonna win!”

“Language.” False chastised from the bench, flipping through a magazine.

Tommy huffed. “Just because you can’t say fuck doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to! That’s not fair!”

“It’s plenty fair.”

He just huffed, turning back to his new friend. “Swords are getting boring, wanna go on the monkey bars again?”

“Bet I can last longer than you!”

“Oh you’re on Eryn!”

The two raced over to the monkey bars. The kid, Eryn, was able to easily jump up and hold onto the purple bar with both hands. Tommy had to climb up the ladder and jump to the bar, holding on for dear life with one hand.

Doc crossed the street, and stood next to the bench False was sitting on. “Has he made a friend?”

“Hm?” False looked up from her magazine. “Oh yeah, Kid’s parents dropped him off a few hours ago, they should be back soon.” She said.

Doc just rolled his eyes at her indifference. “Annit! Time to go!”

“Aww what!” Tommy turned to Doc, and fell into the mulch. He scrambled to his feet, brushing wood chips off his cargo shorts. “Why’ve I gotta go!”

“Because you need to eat dinner, take a bath, and go to sleep at a reasonable hour?”

“Mimimimi I’m Doc and I have a healthy lifestyle-”

False gave a snort. “Yeah, far from it kid.”

Eryn jumped down from the monkey bars. “Hey man, I’ll be here tomorrow. Go off with your dad.”

The tips of Tommy’s ears turned red. “You promise?” Tommy held his pinkie out.

Eryn linked his pinkie with Tommy’s. “Promise.”

Tommy gave Eryn a lopsided grin before picking up his jacket that he left in the mulch by the swings. “Bye Eryn, bye Miss. False!”

“See ya tomorrow Tommy.” False said, briefly looking up from her magazine.

Doc sighed in relief that this didn’t turn into a whole big project, taking Tommy’s hand in his paw. They had to walk the long way around Falsewell, to avoid being seen by any other Hermits. “How was your day, Tommy?” Doc asked once they were at the border of Falsewell, heading off into the woods.

“It was good! That was Eryn, he’s my best friend forever now.” Tommy said matter of factly. “We did a spit shake!”

Doc’s nose wrinkled. “You’re getting a bath as soon as we’re back in the lab.”

“What the hell! I don’t NEED a bath!”

“It’s a bath or a tetanus shot, and we already had to give you one last week because of that possum.” Doc said, shuddering at remembering finding Tommy having a conversation with a possum, covered in scratches and a bite mark. If Jellie hadn’t found him in the vents it could’ve been much worse.

Tommy pouted, but didn’t argue. “I’ve never seen YOU take a bath!”

“I’m an adult. I take showers.”

“Huh.”

“Huh?”

“I kinda just thought you licked yourself clean.”

Doc sighed, shaking his head. “That’s cats. You’re thinking of cats, Annit.”

“Tommy!”

“Right, Tommy, my mistake.”

Doc stopped short when he heard the paparazzi around the woods. He cursed to himself, remembering those damn hippies were close by. He looked down at Tommy, head running through the worst possible scenarios, most of them involving Tommy being taken away. “Alright Tommy, remember when that pesky bird broke into Area 77 and you had to hide?”

Tommy nods.

Doc produced a shulker from his inventory and twisted it open. “It’ll only be a few clicks, alright? I’ll be here the whole time.”

Tommy gulped, but gave another nod. He squeezed himself into the shulker box, tucking his knees to his chest. “Doc, I don’t like this.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Doc took out his com and turned on the flashlight, handing it to Tommy. “Here. Keep the volume low, and you can play Tetris, or Zelda, or whatever you want. Just don’t make a sound, okay?”

Doc hated the hesitant look on Tommy’s face.

“I’ll let you stay up an hour later, AND you can have ice cream. For breakfast.”

“Ice cream for breakfast!?” Tommy exclaimed excitedly. “You’ve got yourself a deal!”

Doc sighed in relief. “Alright, Tommy. We’ll be home soon, just hang tight.” Doc twisted the shulker box closed. He placed it on his back, and used a spare lead he had to tie it so it wouldn’t rattle as much. It sort of felt like he was wearing a saddle.

He slowly approached the area around the tree, and of course the hippies were still there. The paparazzi looked like it had dwindled from an hour ago, but they were starting to come back now that Ren had gone back to camp. Doc really didn’t want to deal with any questions, but this was the quickest route back home.

The bushes rustled as Doc stepped into the clearing.

“Doc Monster 77, what do you have to say about the water allegations!”

“Go [beep] yourself and leave me alone.” Doc said gruffly, pushing past the reporters. “And while you’re at it, leave my friends alone too.”

“How can you still call them your friends when you’re working so hard to destroy something they care so deeply about!”

The hackles on the back of Doc’s neck raised. “I said, leave me alone, or I’ll kick you off the server myself.” He snapped.

“Hey!” Impulse shouted from the tree. “Don’t you people have hobbies!”

“Not cool, man!” Renbob was glad to join in the hackling of the news reporters. He sent a wink Doc’s way. They didn’t exactly see eye to eye, but at least they had each other’s backs when it came to the press. Hermits help Hermits, even honorary Hermits.

Doc didn’t hide the sigh of relief as he managed to rush past the swarm of reporters, now back to barraging the hippies with questions they had already answered a million times. “Almost there Tommy.” Doc whispered.

He stopped short however, seeing another one of Cub’s drones hovering around him.

Doc groaned, taking a notepad out from his inventory. He quickly used a piece of redstone chalk to scribble. ‘Bringing Tommy home. GO AWAY’. Making sure to underline the ‘go away’ for good measure.

The drone flew off, and Doc took a tick to take a deep breath. Because if he didn’t, he was going to explode.

The gates of Area 77 were a welcome sight, especially once Doc made it past the gate that connected the fence. He untied the rope from his back and set the shulker box down on the ground. “Hey Tommy.” He said once he twisted it open. “You alright?”

Tommy stepped out of the box with a groan. “My legs are all numb and shit.”

Doc couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, we’ll take a walk around before I get started on dinner. Anything in particular you want?”

Tommy skipped ahead of Doc, the shulker box left behind on the pavement. “Uhhh chili? Scar makes good chili.”

“Yeah, I’m sure we can annoy Scar into making chili.” Doc pressed the button on the wall, and the door to Area 77 shut like a garage, rattling the whole building. “We can stop by and see Keralis too, if you want.”

“He’s kinda creepy.” Tommy said, very bluntly.

“You don’t know the half of it.” Doc muttered under his breath.

“Is that Tommy I hear!” Scar’s voice echoed across the hall. He was back in his wheelchair, having only switched to his braces for the sake of appearances. He rolled around the giant dip in the floor, and beamed, seeing Tommy. “Hey Tommy! I’m loving the pink!”

Tommy beamed. “Thanks, I thought it’d be fun! I saw it in one of your magazines!”

Scar suddenly looked very, very nervous. “Uh- which- which magazines?”

“Scar.” Doc pinched between his nose.

“I swear I put those away-”

Tommy looked confused, tilting his head. “Your uh- the paper ones? On your desk?”

“OH. Oh, thank gods, my comic books.” Scar put a hand over his heart. “Tommy, you're going to give your old man a heart attack.” He pulled Tommy onto his lap, and did a wheelie to turn, making Tommy giggle. “Come on, let’s forget this conversation ever happened and get dinner started!”

“Fuck yeah, chili!”

Doc smiled as he trailed behind Scar, hands in his pockets. Not even those hippies could get him down for long. Not since Tommy came into his life.

Chapter Text

Tommy looked up from her com and turned to look at Grian, who was sound asleep, hanging upside down like a bat. His wings were folded against his back, and he was drooling down his chin. Yet he looked peaceful, probably the most peaceful Tommy has seen him…ever. It was a little unsettling, especially because Tommy still felt she was being watched despite his eyes being closed.

There were only so many times Tommy could play the same few games on her com. She cycled through Legend of Zelda, a generic racing game, Tetris, and solitaire because those were the only games she actually had. Zelda was a cartridge, the other three being free with the device. That was honestly partly why Tommy had bought it- she wouldn’t have to go through all the hassle of buying new cartridges.

She was at the boring part of the protest. Where it was the middle of the night, and she was left with only herself and her thoughts. She had the stars and moon to confide in, but after all the horrors she’s heard, the moon felt more malevolent than it looked. And with the stars being unrecognizable, Tommy was left remembering the night sky she was used to. Even if it had slowly but surely turned dark, it had been beautiful when all the stars came back in one fell swoop.

Of course she had no one to communicate these thoughts to. Grian was asleep, Tubbo was back at the barn also probably asleep. Pearl might still be awake, but Tommy knew she was off exploring. So Tommy was left scrolling through her contacts list.

Every Hermit was added to her contacts. Obviously all her friends from the DreamSMP.

Her finger hovered over Wilbur’s contact name before continuing to scroll. She had to stop dwelling on the past. The past was shit anyway. In the past she wasn’t respected, just treated like a dumb kid, nuisance, or worse. A tool. She didn’t know what was worse. Being handed the gun to shoot or becoming the gun yourself. Either way, somebody always wound up getting hurt.

Ranboo had been blown to bits and nearly died. Tubbo had been trapped in a box and now fireworks had him reaching for the nearest weapon. Grian actually fucking died.

Was Tommy a bad luck charm? Was that why misfortune seemed to follow her wherever she went? It was probably only a matter of time before something happens to the Hermits, to her new family. She tried to shake the thoughts from her head, but they were just too loud.

She had to talk to someone, or she was going to go mental.

Impulse and Ren were still at the base of the tree. They hadn’t chained or tied themselves to it yet, but they were camped out like it was the first night on a new world. Impulse was tucked up to his chin in a sleeping bag with three blankets on top of each other to balance out his body heat, and Ren was sprawled out on top of his sleeping bag, sunglasses perched on top of his head and blanket kicked off.

Tommy pressed on Impulse’s name and waited for the ringer to finish. When she heard the click of an answer, she didn’t even bother letting him start the conversation. “Impulse, opinions on pigeons?”

“Not my favorite bird in the whole world, but I don’t mind the little fellas!”

“...You’re not Impulse.”

Ren laughed through the speaker. “No, I am not my friend! Sorry, he’s deep into snooze ville right now- absolutely dead to the world. But ol’ Ren Diggity Dog is wide awake baby!”

If Tommy had literally any other option, she’d hang up the phone right now and call someone else. Unfortunately, it was the middle of the night, so Tommy’s choices were pretty limited. “Yeah, alright, fine. I guess.”

Ren was counting that as an absolute win. “What’re YOUR opinion on pigeons?”

“We domesticated them, and now everyone is being [beep] to them! I say we bring back carrier pigeons.” Tommy said matter of factly. “I mean, who needs coms when you’ve got PIGEONS.”

He laughed through the phone. “Right on, I’m with ya on that! Maybe that can be your project for the season, one of those pigeon sanctuaries! I think that’d be right up your alley!”

Her face heated up. Well, that WAS up her alley, but now that Ren suggested it, she didn’t know if she wanted to do it. It was like when Grian told her to tidy up. Yeah, she could, but now she wasn’t going to out of spite.

“Alright, my turn to ask a question.” Ren sat up, leaning against the trunk of the tree.

Tommy crossed her arm over her chest, since the other hand was holding her com to her ear. “This isn’t twenty questions mate-”

“Why don’t you like me?”

The words got caught in her throat as soon as she tried to force them out. “I- [beep] man that certainly one-ups my pigeon question.” She said.

Ren just sighed. “Look dude, I know not everybody has to like everybody. But you’re Doc’s kid! I dunno what I did to make you so cheesed off at me but, I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

Tommy sighed. “Look, it’s not you per say. As like, a person. You’re an alright person. It’s just-” She looked up at the moon. Was Red looking at the same moon back home? Or was it still light out? “You remind me of someone.”

There was silence between the two for almost thirty ticks.

“Is that bad? Did they hurt you?”

“No!” Tommy exclaimed, immediately on the defensive. “He’d never! He’s- look, just drop it. You wouldn’t [beep]-ing understand anyway.” Tommy knew that made her sound like a sulking teenager in their emo phase, but maybe this was her emo phase. Instead of black eyeliner and fishnets she’d don bell bottoms and friendship bracelets. To Doc that was probably his worst nightmare.

Ren chewed on the inside of his cheek. “...Okay. Different question. What’s this guy like? That I remind you of?”

Tommy didn’t mind that question much, actually. She couldn’t help but smile. “[Beep] man, he’s the Red [beep]-ing King. He’s- he’s a legend back on the DreamSMP. He’s probably the nicest guy you’ll ever meet, and he’s crazy powerful. But like, that’s just what people on the outside see. I knew all his inside stuff because, I dunno, he was there when no one else was.”

The words were jumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. “When I thought the whole world was against me, he was there. And I dunno…I miss him. I miss him being down the [beep]-ing street. And I miss his coffee, [beep] he made damn good coffee. I can’t imagine a DreamSMP without him.”

“He sounds like he means the world to you.” Ren said once Tommy was done with her tirade.

“Yeah, thought that was pretty obvious.” Tommy snapped back without even thinking.

“...I’m kind of glad I remind you of him, if he’s that special.” Ren said. “But, ya know, I’m sorry if I’m-”

“You can’t replace him.”

More silence.

Ren sat up straight, a tight frown on his face. “You…think I’m trying to replace this Red King guy?”

Tommy let out a deep shuddering sigh and squeezed her eyes shut. She could hang up. She could hang up whenever she wanted. But she wasn’t going to. “Not- not just the king. You aren’t just like Red.”

“...Who else am I like?” Ren asked. “You don’t have to talk about it- but it might help?”

She knew there was some merit to what Ren was saying. And hey, maybe she could take some of her frustrations out on somebody who Tommy had personally seen was nothing but a giant marshmallow. “...You remind me of my brother. Used to be brother.” She muttered, leaning her head against her knees, which she had pulled up to her chest.

Ren’s eyes went wide. It didn’t take a DreamSMP expert to know who Tommy was referring to. “Are ya talking about Wilbur?”

“DON’T-” Tommy stopped herself from shouting. “Don’t say his [beep]-ing name, man. I can’t hear it right now.”

Ren was starting to understand. He let out a low whistle to fill the empty silence, mapping the stars with just his eyes while he let Tommy stew in her silence. “Ya know I knew Wilbur when he was a kid. Not really a kid, more like a teenager. Young adult.”

“Those are three different categories.”

Ren gave a snort of a laugh. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. 18 is young adult, I think. I dunno, human years are weird. Basically, I knew Wilbur when he was some kid who wandered onto Hermitcraft and needed a place to stay. He met my brother, you remember Renbob, and Impulse first.”

Tommy didn’t interrupt to say of course she remembered Renbob. It was kind of hard to forget someone who used ‘man’ in every sentence, wore flip flops on a freezing cold ship, and always smelled way too heavily like incense to the point it was suspect.

“He was a good kid! He was a little naive, but I dunno, Renbob and I knew what it was like to leave home. So, we kinda took him under our wing. Impulse taught him how to fish, Renbob and I taught him how to grill-”

“YOU taught him to grill?” Tommy couldn’t help but laugh.

Ren grinned ear to ear. “Yeah dude! Sorry, I should’ve asked, is dude okay? It’s kinda reflex for me, but I can change it if you prefer somethin’ else.”

“Nah, dude is fine.” Tommy waved him off.

“Great. But yeah, we taught him to grill! He was actually pretty terrible at it the first few times, nearly burned the whole camp down.” Ren couldn’t help but laugh as he remembered how the grill had caught fire, and Wilbur was about to pour gasoline on it thinking the jug was filled with water. Thankfully Impulse was able to actually get the fire extinguisher, but that could’ve ended terribly. “He wasn’t too good at uh, what’s the word? Surviving?”

“Yeah, sounds like him.” Tommy grumbled.

“...It kinda means a lot that you think we’re alike.” Ren said.

She scowled. “You and I knew very different Wilburs, Ren. He- there was a lot going on with him that- you’re like him before all the bad [beep] happened and it just [beep]-es me off- okay you know what I’m spelling it out. It p-i-s-s-e-s me off. There we go. Loophole, checkmate b-i-t-c-h.”

Ren would’ve laughed at Tommy’s work around the profanity filter, but he was too busy trying to remember the last time he saw Wilbur before he had called Renbob on Empires. “I mean, people change, dude.”

“He changed too much.” Tommy dug her nails into her cardigan. “He- he wasn’t right about a lot of [beep]. There was a lot we got dragged into and it wasn’t- it wasn’t fair!” Her voice raised an octave as hot tears of frustration welled in her eyes. “He should be here, but he’s too [beep]-ing stubborn, and so am I, because I just cut him off like he didn’t practically raise me!”

“Tommy-”

“What if I needed him!? Why couldn't he have just let that [beep] with Quackity go! He could have been happy like you, but every time, every [BEEP]-ING TIME-” Tommy stopped shouting abruptly, seeing Grian start to stir. She sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “You’re what he could have been. And I hate you for that.”

Ren ran a hand through his hair. “Ya know, I really can’t blame you for that, Tommy. If I’m honest, sometimes I hate my brother too.”

That caught Tommy off guard. “Wait, really? Renbob?”

“Renbob and Jono.” Ren let out a hollow laugh. “That’s my little brother.”

“I’ve never had a little brother before. I’ve got nephews.” Tommy said. “But, uh, why do you hate your brothers sometimes?”

“...When we were pups, we ran away from home. Renbob was maybe 12? I was six, and Jono was four, so he didn’t really know what was going on. Our parents were never around, and our pa didn’t really like it when we stopped wearing dresses and all that junk.”

“Well your dad’s a [beep]-ing wrongen.” Tommy said bluntly.

Ren laughed genuinely this time. “Thanks, Tommy. We kinda just lived off the road. Renbob would do odd jobs for money while Jono and I stayed in motel rooms, or we’d camp out in the woods. It wasn’t too bad, but ya know, Renbob kinda had to take up the mantle of being mama and dad. And sometimes he wasn’t very good at it.”

If Ren closed his eyes, he could remember when Renbob brought out the bottle of vodka he kept in his inventory at all times when he thought Ren and Jono were asleep. He didn’t know Ren knew, and Ren made sure Jono never found out. When Ren got older and could watch Jono for longer, Renbob started staying out later. Ren didn’t know he had been working his butt off until much later in life. All that time Ren had just assumed that Renbob didn’t want to be around his kid brothers.

“Life on the road, it’s hard. I don’t hate him for how he raised us, but sometimes I’m mad he thought he had to do everything on his own.” Ren said. “And he just- he and Jono get to travel the stars and pretty much do whatever the freakin’ heck they want! I love Hermitcraft but sometimes-”

“You miss the freedom.” Tommy finished his sentence for him.

“Right on the money, Tommy.” Ren sighed. “...So yeah. I guess I get it.”

Tommy ran the story through her head again, like rolling a pebble around in her hands. “Wil and I lived on the road for a bit too. We didn’t leave Skyblock till we got the invite to the DreamSMP, but for a solid six months, maybe, it was me, Fundy, and Wil. Then Tubbo came along, and that was maybe another five months? But like, I know the road can be pretty tough.”

“It’s nice sometimes though.” Ren said with a half-smile, just like the half-moon in the sky. “I mean, food’s great if ya know where to look. There’s a pretty rad diner in this one star system-”

“You did NOT just use ‘rad’ in a sentence.” Tommy groaned. “Anything you’re about to say is now null and [beep]-ing void.”

Ren practically guffawed, covering his mouth so he didn’t wake Impulse up.

“Who the hell says ‘rad’ anymore- it’s not the [beep]-ing beta age, my gods.” Tommy shook her head.

“Hey, you know what they say about old dogs and new tricks!”

Both Ren and Tommy laughed. The silence that followed was comfortable instead of strained. It was enough to listen to the cool spring breeze, and in the distance Tommy could hear an owl hoot. She couldn’t remember the last time she heard an owl.

“...I think I’m gonna head to sleep now.” Tommy said.

“Yeah, you probably should. I’m gonna keep watch in case Doccy tries anything.”

“Good on ya…thanks for the talk.” Tommy’s cheeks heat up. “You’re a little less of a prick now. Just a little less. I still think your marriage with Doc is [beep]-ing dumb because all marriages are dumb except Tubbo’s.”

“Ya know what? I’ll take it. Sleep tight Tommy.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Night.”

Tommy hung up and closed her communicator, putting it back into the front pocket of her overall dress. She sighed and closed her eyes, glad for the pillow between the tree and her neck. Her sleep back was left draped on the branch beside her, and her blanket was around her shoulders.

Maybe she should’ve told Ren about what Wilbur had done on the DreamSMP. The good, and the bad, and everything in between. It wasn’t fair he only had one half of the story, and it wasn’t fair that Tommy had exploded while making Wilbur look like the villain.

Because he wasn’t a villain.

At least most of the time.

He made soup when Tommy was sick, adding lots of carrots because Wilbur knew she preferred it to celery. He brushed Fundy’s fur when it came time for him to shed, gently working through the knots. He held Tubbo when he first came to stay in the camarvan, promising he’d get him back to his father. Wilbur taught Niki how to properly shoot a bow and arrow until she was a better aim than him. He lent his jacket to Jack when he was nearly frozen during the winter months, being from the Nether and not used to the cold.

Tommy never thought she’d miss the smell of cigarette smoke.

She’d tried smoking before, once. When she was 11, and Wilbur left his pack out after going to bed. She tried to inhale just like Wilbur did and had to stick her head under the sink and gargle for what felt like eternity. She just wanted to be like Wilbur. That’s all she had wanted, up until he died. And even after then.

It was only in that darkness that Tommy stopped having him on a golden pedestal and saw him for what he really was.

He wasn’t the Prince of the Arctic Empire. He wasn’t the golden President of L’manburg. He wasn’t the monster that haunted the caverns of Pogtopia. And he wasn’t the kind ghost coated in the blue he felt in his life.

He was just a man.

And claiming he was anything else would be a fallacy.

Chapter Text

‘Dear brother,

I hope this letter finds you well! I know I’ve only been gone a little over a month, and I should have written sooner, but it’s been nonstop travel! You wouldn’t believe the places I’ve seen! Sorry this letter has to be so short, I don’t know when I’m gonna have to motor, and I thought you’d want an update at the very least.

Let’s see. I lost all my stuff to a caravan of traveling bandits, went after said bandits because hey, that’s my stuff. I somehow befriended a few crows, who’ve been following me since I made the mistake of tossing them some of my bread. I’ve seen more than just the scorching desert, that’s for sure! Where I’ve been staying is all snow! SNOW! Can you believe that!

I really hope you’re doing alright on your own. I know you are, you’re smart and pretty resourceful, but I still worry. If you ever need me, just look for a crow. They’ll know to bring the message to me.

Say hi to everyone back home for me! Let them know I’m not dead!

Yours, P.M

PS: Hope you like the postcard! I got it made just for you!’

‘As you can see, my brother is doing well. Truth be told, I was hoping when I heard from him next, he would be detailing how he was on his way back home. But my brother has always been more adaptive and resilient, and I am not surprised he’s continuing to travel without a second thought.

The postcard is beautiful, I must say. When I stare at it, it feels as if I myself am standing up to my ankles in the snow, looking up at the navy-blue sky and the swirls of light. If I remember correctly, they were called the ‘aurora borealis’, and lit up the land as if it were daytime. I don’t know if my brother is still on this world or if he has traversed to another. I find myself up at night, wondering if my brother was just a few continents away. Would I be able to find him if he was? Would I want to?

A lot can change in just a month. I already feel the burden of the leadership I did not ask for. After we returned from the Cod Empire to fix the drought, a new problem had arisen. Because of the drought, many of our crops had withered away, leaving nothing for the upcoming colder months where we needed the extra supplies. I have sent a letter back to Jimmy, and I hope it reaches him before starvation comes for my people.

It still makes me sick. That I had to hold such a massive funeral for the people, the friends I had asked to accompany me on the voyage. I tried to console whoever I could, even if I were numb. I was just. Numb. I do not want to become desensitized to death, so I am chalking it up as I had done my mourning already. I have accepted they are in the afterlife with the family they had previously lost. It wasn’t fair to them that I couldn’t shed a tear when the coffins were being lowered into the ground. The coffins had no bodies, just belongings.

Hassan’s mother, sister, and fiancé all wear black now. Even in the boiling heat, they do not shed the color. It feels wrong, especially on Hassan’s mother. Shadiya creates the most beautiful tapestries with the brightest dyes we have. I have not seen her create anything once since we have returned. She seldom smiles anymore, and I cannot fault her. This is the fourth child she has lost. I just hope Naila will be alright. I’d hate for anything to happen to her and Hassan’s unborn child, or herself. Fatima is taking good care of both of them, but that is a large burden for someone so young, who had just lost her brother.

I would like to say they are all in better places. But wouldn’t a better place be safe at home in bed, surrounded by their loved ones? What is a better place, and why do we say it is in death that we find that? Why do we insist on making the living world one of strife so we can feel better about when our fellow men pass on?

Have I always been this nihilistic? Or do I just simply not have anybody to bounce my thoughts off of, and have thus put myself in an echo chamber of what ifs and maybes? I wish I had something more definitive than maybes and what ifs, but I have not seen Her in any of my dreams yet, not since The Ocean Queen raised her trident, and fresh water ran through the empty canals.

I do not even have the luxury of leaving to discover myself. Somebody has to watch after our people, and once again, the weight falls on my shoulders. I can’t imagine this is the life my mother wanted for me, but this is the life I have now. And unlike my people, I am going to do everything I can to make this life the best it can be, so that death and what follows will not be seen as a mercy. It will simply be an extension of life.

Perhaps I haven’t lost all my optimism yet. - P.R’

There was a series of knocks at the front door of the van around noon. It had been a lazy day, Wilbur taking the opportunity to do some reading in the journal, take a nice long shower, and he was planning on just ordering some pizza and watching tapes with Renbob later, since it was supposed to pour again. Guess that phrase about April showers was true.

“Renbob, can you get that?” Wilbur shouted from the bathroom, trying not to nick himself while he was shaving. The stubble around his cheeks and neck were beginning to itch in the heat from all the sweat, and frankly he didn’t think facial hair was a good look on him. It made him look ragged, and not in a ‘devil may care bad boy’ type of ragged, but a ‘I’ve been living solely off pop tarts and vodka’ type of ragged and tired.

“Yeah man, I gotcha!”

“Thanks!”

Renbob slid the oven mitt off of his paw and set it on the counter, glancing at the pan simmering over the stove. Fried tofu, green beans, rice, and eggs were cooking to make the perfect omelet, and Renbob hoped whoever was at the door made it quick. He hadn’t eaten breakfast since he was doing a checkup on the engine, and figured a big lunch was in order!

Another knock rapped on the door.

“I’m comin’, keep your tushy on, man!” Renbob took off the apron he had been wearing over his tye-dye button up and wiped his paws on a rag. He made his way over to the door and opened it with a smile. “Hey there man, how can I be of help?”

“Does a Wilbur Soot happen to live here?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, he’s in the bathroom! WIL! MAN, YA GOT A GUEST!”

“I’ve got guests-?! Ow fuck!” Wilbur hissed, the thin blade getting him on the cheek. “Gimme a tick!”

Renbob turned back to their guest. “Please, make yourselves at home! Shoes off though please, I just mopped.”

Renbob didn’t know what to make of this visitor. He was a short blonde avian, wearing a traditional green kimono, and a green striped wide brimmed hat with jewels and charms hanging from it. He had an obsidian wedding band on his ring finger, and from the way his wings were tucked in, Renbob could see he had been greatly injured by something. He wasn’t going to stare, or pry.

“What smells so good?” He asked, taking his winter boots off at the door.

“Oh, I’m makin’ an omelet! You want one?”

“An omelet sounds pog, thanks mate.” The avian gave Renbob a smile. “If it isn't too much trouble, I mean.”

“No trouble at all, man.” Renbob waved him off with a smile. “I’m Renbob, welcome to the van!” He offered out his paw to him once the door was shut.

“Philza Minecraft, a pleasure to meet you.” Philza gave him a firm handshake. “I’ve actually got a buddy with me, but he’s stopping to check out some of the stalls. We haven’t been to Pixandria in a hot click, so he’s getting his money’s worth.”

Renbob grinned, going back into the kitchen to flip the omelet. “Yeah, man, Pixandria’s gorgeous! I can’t recommend staying for the bonfires enough! I’ve been showin’ Wil around, and it’s been so groovy!”

Phil chuckled at Renbob’s use of ‘groovy’. “That sounds fun. How uh, how do you know Wilbur?”

“Oh, Wil and I go way back!” Renbob moved his omelet to a plate and set it aside, opening the fridge to take out the carton of eggs. “We were old friends, what, it’s gotta be over ten years ago now? I dunno man, but back when we were hippies stickin’ it to the man!”

Phil’s eyebrows raised. “Hippies?”

“Oh yeah! I had to teach that kid everything, he didn’t have a lick of survival skills on him! Didn’t know how to fish, or make a fire, nothin’.”

“I see!”

“Hey, how do you want your omelet?”

“Oh, whatever you’ve got is fine.” Philza’s smile was tightening. “So um, how did you and Wilbur come to be…” Phil gestured around the van. He didn’t want to assume anything! Renbob looked a little too old to be Wilbur’s lover, but he couldn’t be too sure!

“Roommate, brother, father figure whatever ya wanna call it! Labels are nebulous, man.” Renbob cracked an egg over the pan, a hum to his voice. “I found him back on Skyblock at a diner, and decided we should be road trip buds! He’d never been to Pixandria before, and I’ve been all around Empires! Just felt right! Truth be told he seemed a little down in the dumps.”

Phil was trying really hard to keep the politest smile he could. What was this man talking about? Hippies? ‘Sticking it to the man’? Wilbur was the farthest thing from a hippie Phil could think of! Sure, he was a bit of a nomad, but he could never see his son in bell bottoms and talking about chakras and whatnot.

“I’m surprised he kept this baby in such good shape!”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I gave him this van! When we first met! Sold it to him for maybe around ten diamonds? Helped him fix it up the first time ‘round, and she’s still running like a dream!” Renbob patted the wallpaper, as if petting a dog.

Now Philza let himself look shocked. “You gave him the camarvan?”

“Yeah! Had to teach him to drive it too! His old man didn’t teach him nothin’, huh.” Renbob shook his head. “Then again, I don’t really know much about his folks. He didn’t talk, and I didn’t pry.”

A lump formed in Phil’s throat.

Before he could say anything the door to the bathroom clicked open.

“Alright Renbob, what’s going-” Wilbur stopped short, seeing Philza sitting on the sofa. His jaw nearly dropped. “Phil?”

“Hey mate.” Phil cracked a smile, even if his mind was racing just as fast as his heart. He looked Wilbur up and down, and some of the tensions left his shoulders. Wilbur looked healthy. He had always been skinny, but it actually looked like he was gaining weight. He was wearing a yellow tank top embroidered with sunflowers, a pink band aid over his cheek, and what do you know, he was also sporting bell bottom jeans. “You look…good. You look good, Wil.”

“Uh, thanks.” Wilbur rubbed the back of his neck.

Renbob’s brow furrowed. “Hey, what’s with the negative energy? Wil, who's your friend?”

Wilbur let out a nervous laugh. “Renbob, this is Philza. Phil, this is Renbob. Phil is uh- well he’s, my dad.”

Renbob’s eyes widened, realizing he had been bad mouthing Wilbur’s father in front of his father. Could you blame him! The only thing the two of them had in common was they were both avians! “Um, it’s nice to meet you, officially I mean. I’m, geez I’m sorry if anything I said-”

“Water under the bridge.” Phil waved him off, not taking his eyes off Wilbur for a tick. “You said you’d write.”

“I’ve been busy.” Wilbur’s wings tucked tight against his back. Why was he so nervous to see Phil again? He wasn’t doing anything wrong! He wasn’t doing drugs, or pregnant again, or spiraling out of control.

But he was with Renbob.

Wilbur had always made sure to keep his time on the hippie commune a secret from Philza and Techno.

After Philza had to rescue him from the trials the Listeners put him through, he had run away without so much as a thank you, still too ashamed from the Saint Malo Trials. He didn’t know how far he had run, but he didn’t have his wings to fly anymore. He just kept running until he reached Skyblock, and then until he found a portal that looked nice enough to jump through. That led him to wander into the Hippie Commune, and the rest is history.

He seldom brought up his time in the Antarctic Empire to Impulse, Ren, and Renbob. Sally knew, of course, but not about the trials. None of them knew why Wilbur had left, or who Wilbur even was. They all just thought he had come from the Antarctic Empire and fled during the chaos of its leaders being locked up. They didn’t know he had been the prince. And he wanted to keep it that way.

Why?

Because he was ashamed. He was ashamed of everything that had led him to run away in the first place. Of his naivety, of his ignorance, of his gullibility. The Listeners said if he passed their test, that he’d be rewarded. That as soon as he was one of them, he could go back home with his head held high.

Instead, when he failed, his wings were torn from his back, and he was left all alone. Wilbur still didn’t know how Phil found him when he had been on the verge of bleeding out, but he remembered hearing a woman’s voice as he was blacking in and out of consciousness.

That was why Wilbur never told the hippies about his upbringing. He just let them think he had been some random rich trust fund kid. He lied, or more accurately gave half truths. His mother wasn’t in the picture. His uncle was strict. His father was always busy. That was all they needed to know. Wilbur didn’t have to be Wilbur Trixtin Minecraft, but instead, could be Wilbur Soot. Or just Wilbur.

So why didn’t Wilbur tell Philza about the hippies?

The same reason he didn’t tell Phil about Fundy until they were safe on the DreamSMP. He didn’t want Philza thinking of him as a couch surfing, weed smoking…hippie. Even if that’s what he was. Normally he was proud of that part of his life- he had stood up to the scientists of Area 77 who had been trying to destroy the forests, he had learned to live off the land, he had met the love of his life!

But then it had all gone wrong. Like everything gold in his life, it had become gilded. Wilbur didn’t want Phil to know about that part of his life because even though it had turned to tragedy in the blink of an eye, it had been his. The first time he had been independent. Had his own friends, his own clothes, his own food. He was growing up. And sometimes Wilbur thought Philza still saw him as the little boy who hid behind his leg during meetings. Who had a gap in his tooth that had to be fixed with braces. Who didn’t know when he was being tricked by a god.

Philza was too good for Renbob in the way of materials.

And yet, Wilbur always preferred Renbob’s company. Renbob’s morals. Just. Renbob. He wasn’t ashamed of who he was. He was loud, smoked pot, and was a vegetarian. He didn’t play by anyone’s rules except Mother Nature’s, and appreciated all the little things about life. That’s what Wilbur wanted to be. That’s the kind of man Wilbur was becoming now that he had the chance.

If Philza had been the Emperor of Ice, then Renbob was the king of springtime.

The van door opened.

“Yooo Phil, look what I found!” Techno beamed, holding up a basket full of goodies he had bought. Jewelry, pastries, other little knick knacks he’d keep around the cabin or give away as gifts to friends.

Chapter Text

This was probably the most awkward lunch Wilbur had ever had in his life.

He couldn’t even enjoy the omelet Renbob had made him, too busy keeping his eyes trained on the rug so he wouldn’t make eye contact with Philza or Technoblade. There was only a small table separating them from him and Renbob, since they had moved from the couch to the booth in order to eat.

Renbob was chattering away about whatever came to mind, but almost everything he said was aimed at Techno. He said they were good friends, but Techno only looked at him with vague recognition. It was easier to just nod along than to try and scour his brain for information he might not even have. Renbob seemed content enough, and at least they had even ground about the knick knacks Techno was starting to collect. There was a windchime for good luck, a new tapestry with the Pixandrian flag, plenty of beaded jewelry- more clutter for the cabin that Renbob took an interest in.

Wilbur hadn’t taken a single bite of his omelet. It just tasted wrong now. Which sucked, because Renbob was a great cook. It had bits of bacon and lumps of spinach, which normally Wilbur loved. He appreciated Renbob learned to make bacon despite being a hardcore vegetarian. Renbob even knew how to make it extra crispy! Wilbur would hate for the dish to go to waste, but just looking at it made his already uneasy stomach do flip flops.

Not that Philza was any better. He stared down at his omelet that was slathered in cheese, occasionally picking at it with the fork he had been offered. More often than not he was staring right at Wilbur, waiting for his eyes to flit up and make eye contact. The few times that happened, Wilbur went right back to staring at his food.

Wilbur desperately needed a cigarette.

Renbob was still talking, waving his arms around while he did so. “- and you’ve gotta go over to House Blossom, man! Those fairies sure know how to party, I’ll tell ya that!” He said, raising his fork up before taking a bite. Only Renbob could make the best of a bad situation.

“Eh, not really a ‘party’ guy.” Techno said, cutting into his omelet. “Last party I went to was the opening at Las Nevadas and uh, yeah that didn’t go so well. But thanks for the recommendation.” Despite having no recollection of this man, Techno found they got along well. Maybe he really did forget Renbob- he’d been alive for a while after all, it’d make sense if he forgot a few faces here and there. He wasn’t going to make things awkward by asking, no sir!

“That’s fine, man! Still worth goin’, now that it’s spring everything’s in bloom! It’s a good trip!”

“I’ll add it to the calendar.” Techno said. He took out his com, moving his reading glasses from his head to his face. “Yeah, I got nothin’ booked for the next…while. So we can swing by House Blossom.” Techno put his com back in his inventory, glasses still perched on his snout. “Phil, fancy a trip to House Blossom?”

“Hm? Yeah, yeah sounds good.” Phil said, moving his eggs around.

The table went awkwardly silent.

Renbob cleared his throat. “Well, uh, hey, don’t be a stranger, man! Conversations wide open!” He gave a welcoming smile, even if he felt a little on edge. This was Wilbur’s father. All Renbob knew about the man Wilbur simply referred to as ‘Phil’ was he had been distant when Wilbur was a kid, and that Wilbur didn’t learn anything from him besides politics. Renbob was going to be polite, even if he wanted to give this old timer a piece of his mind.

“I’ll pass, thanks.” Phil said.

More silence.

Wilbur got up from the booth. “I need a cigarette.” He muttered. Without a word he grabbed his pack from the counter and stepped out into the afternoon heat.

He leaned against the van and sighed, looking up at the sky. The clouds were starting to roll in. Guess Renbob was right that it was going to pour again. Wilbur sighed and flipped open the pack, sticking a cigarette. He took his lighter from his inventory and lit the end of his cigarette and watched the smoke billow up with every huff of air.

When Wilbur had left the DreamSMP, it was without any goodbyes or fanfare. And that was fine with Wilbur. There were people he wanted to apologize to, but he just didn’t have the right words. It was easier to ignore the issue all together, and drive off.

Then he saw Renbob again, and he just thought- well he thought he could shed his old self like a snake's skin and get to live a brand-new life. Renbob didn’t need to know about L’manburg or Pogtopia. He didn’t need to know about ghosts and Limbo. He didn’t need to know about how often Wilbur failed. With Renbob he could just be.

So he didn’t write to Philza like he promised. But then again, why should he? Wasn’t he a grown man now? Hadn’t he earned his freedom?

No, that thinking was childish and petulant. Wilbur slid down the side of the van and sat in the sand, already reaching for another cigarette before the first one had even burnt out.

The van door opened, and Wilbur was about to tell Phil to leave him alone, but it wasn’t Phil, or Techno. It was Renbob.

“Hey man.” He said with a frown, shutting the door behind him.

Wilbur just nodded his head, simply acknowledging Renbob’s presence.

Renbob walked down the small steps leading to the sand and sat in front of Wilbur. His back leaned against the fence separating the van from the house next to him. “...You doin’ alright, Wil?”

“What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re smokin’ like a furnace.”

Wilbur looked down at the cigarette between his fingers, that was barely even a nub. He winced at the crackling on his skin, and flicked his ashes into the sand, whacking it with the palm of his hand.

Neither said a word to each other for a solid minute. Renbob looked up at the graying sky, almost waiting for the droplets of rain. The air turned humid and muggy instead of hot and dry, which was almost worse. At least when it wasn’t humid you didn’t have to take a shower every few hours.

Wilbur placed the fresh cigarette between his lips, but didn’t bother lighting it. He just sat with it in his mouth, hanging out the edge of his cheek like it was a lollipop. He knew he should probably go back inside- at least try and give some sort of half assed explanation to Techno and Philza. But he couldn’t think of anything to say, even if he wanted to.

Renbob let out a huff. “The vibes in there are absolutely rancid. I dunno how Clem is sleepin’ through it.”

Wilbur huffed out a laugh. “Clem could sleep through a hurricane. Nothing bothers her except lack of pets.” He said.

“You can say that again, man. Hey, you mind, givin’ me one of those?”

Wilbur quirked an eyebrow but handed Renbob the pack. “I didn’t know you smoked.

“Yeah, I used to smoke all the time back when I was a kid.” Renbob said. He took the lighter from where it rested on Wilbur’s knee, and lit it up. He let out a long draw, then blew it all out his nose without even flinching. “I thought I quit a while ago, but ya know, life. Thinkin’ your baby brother is dead? That kinda messes with your noggin.”

“Don’t I know it.” Wilbur mumbled under his breath, shaking his head. “Look, Renbob, I can ask them to leave-”

“Wilbur.”

Wilbur cut himself off. Renbob rarely called him Wilbur. Usually Wil, or man, or on occasion he’d slip and called Wil ‘kid’.

“Do YOU want them to leave?” Renbob said. “Don’t think about my input, or what they might say. What do you want, man? Cause you don’t look all too comfortable. I dunno what bad blood you’ve got, but if you want me to give them the boot, I will.”

“I don’t-” Wilbur sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. “Look Renbob-”

“I don’t need an explanation, man. I just need an answer.”

Wilbur let sand run through his fingers, and he sighed. “It’s not that simple. I told him I’d write. I told him I would, and I should have known he was going to be worried. After everything I should have just- I can’t write to him when things suck, I can’t write to him when I’m doing great! Renbob, my friend, it’s a bit of a double-edged sword if I’m being honest.”

Renbob moved from sitting against the fence and plopped down beside Wilbur. He knew there was something Wilbur was keeping from him, but he wasn’t going to be the one to pry it out of him. “I know he’s your dad ‘n all, but you don’t owe anybody anything. You know that don't cha?”

“Wish that were true.” Wilbur pulled one leg up to his chest and sighed. “It was silly of me to want the two of you to be separate parts of my life.”

“That ain't silly.” Renbob shakes his head. “You think my little brothers know everything about my life? Hell no! I’d rather throw myself off a cliff then admit some of the shit I’ve done to them. You’re allowed to want privacy, Wil.” He squeezed his shoulder.

Wilbur just didn’t understand. Renbob was so good at reading people. Couldn’t he tell that Wilbur was a terrible person? Couldn’t he feel it, crushing him like a weight the way Wilbur did? Or had Wilbur just put up too good of a wall that even the one person he thought could bypass them was left out? He opened his mouth to say something, before heaving another sigh. “Renbob, I haven’t been completely honest with you…about a lot of stuff. And I’m afraid you’ll-”

Renbob held up a paw. “Man, before you say anythin’ self-deprecating, remember that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t wanna be.”

“Then you’ll just leave when I’m through telling you!” Wilbur exclaimed. “You’ll be off! I know you’ll be! If I were you, I’d pack my bags right and be prepared to leave me on the side of the road!”

“Wilbur!” Renbob gripped his shoulder.

Wilbur froze. Behind the glass of Renbob’s sunglasses, he could see tears.

“You’re not in my head. Quit actin’ like it.” He said. Renbob slowly let go of Wilbur. “You’re my friend, man. And if you don’t want me to know, then just don’t tell me. But-” He stood up. “I’m gonna go tell those guys they need to vamoose. You're clearly not handling this well, and it’s just- you’re worrying me.”

“Renbob-” Wilbur cut himself off. “There’s no stopping you, is there?”

“Are you ready to go in there and talk to your pops?”

Wilbur stopped. He thought about it. If he was going to heal, or whatever Renbob was always rambling on about, shouldn't he at least try and talk to Phil? Shouldn’t he try and give some sort of explanation? The leaving suddenly, stealing the van, not even bothering to write? Phil knew he had lost Grian, Ranboo, Tommy, and Quackity. Maybe he should at least try.

“I’ll talk to him.” Wilbur said. “But do you think you and Techno could leave the van for a bit? I just-”

“Say no more, man.” Renbob offered his hand, pulling Wilbur out of the sand. The pack fell to the ground, but neither made any move to pick it up. “I know when to back off. Just holler if you need me to come bail you out. Even if I’m across the server, I'll getcha.”

“Thank you, Renbob.” Wilbur gave Renbob a genuine smile. He seemed to hesitate for a tick.

Then he hugged Renbob.

Renbob’s tail was wagging so hard that it was just a blur to him. He beamed ear to ear, squeezing Wilbur around the shoulders. “Man, you know I’m always up for some sugar!” When he heard a laugh rumble from Wilbur he could’ve howled in delight.

“How are you always so optimistic?” Wilbur said. It wasn’t accusatory, just simply an observation. When once Wilbur would have been jealous, he was relieved.

“Lots of practice, baby!” Renbob pulled away from the hug to ruffle Wilbur’s hair. “Just like playing guitar.”

“Yes, because having a positive attitude is just like playing guitar.” Wilbur playfully rolled his eyes.

Renbob shrugged. “Don’t knock it till ya try it!” He started up the steps and put his paw on the door handle. “I’ll try and make up some excuse. Once Tech and I are out, you’ll have all the time in the world to talk to your dad. Try and work some stuff out.”

“Thanks, Renbob, I- shit man, I don’t know what else to say.”

“Ya don’t gotta say nothin’!” Renbob gave him a pat on the shoulder. Then he twisted the door handle and stepped into the van, smiling as bright as ever.

When Wilbur heard muffled voices through the shut door, he also felt a droplet of water splash onto his nose.

‘When it rains in the desert, it typically drizzles for ten clicks, before deciding that is enough and the clouds' part to make way for the suns. Sometimes the sky above doesn’t even bother with clouds, and simply gives us sun showers that the children play in.

Ever since the Ocean Queen’s blessing, the rain has been more plentiful, for better or for worse. Per a letter that arrived just last night, she said that we would have two months of the year- April and May- where it would rain in buckets for the majority of the month's days. It was a welcome surprise, having a rainy season. We are not yet used to it, but it has helped the crops significantly.

There’s something magical about the rain that I had never thought to notice before. The noise it makes pattering against the rooftops, the way the sky darkens to be as dark as dusk, the rainbows left afterwards. Maybe I’m just thankful for this gift, but I’ve found a new appreciation for the rain.

My father used to sit with me and my brother out on the porch when it would rain. My brother hated the rain, not liking when mother would have to dry his feathers with a towel. But I watched as the meager raindrops landed on the wood of the steps and the sand around it. It was never enough to make proper sandcastles, but enough to create shapes with a stick.

I asked my father once why we never got any rain. He said, “To make up for places with too much rain!” It was a joke at the time, though I suspected he only said that because he didn’t actually know. My father never finished schooling, having to become a farm hand much too early. It’s why he always encouraged me, my brother, and my sisters in our studies. He wanted us to know everything he didn’t.

Now that I truly think about it, maybe my father had a point. With so much rain now coming to the desert, perhaps, across the continent, across the world, another village was losing their rain after having excess. Maybe they had floods, and would be thankful to experience a dry season, the way we are thankful for our newfound rainy season.

I can hear children playing outside my window. I’ll never have children of my own, but it’s nice to hear them laughing with each other. It sounds like hope. Especially after the somber few weeks we’ve had since returning from The Cod Empire. I must write Jimmy back and thank him for his help. Even see if he would like to have a drink together.

I wonder, if my father were here, would we still sit on the porch and watch the rain? I’d have to tell him how the rain really works, about the clouds in the sky and the water pressure and all that. He’d just laugh, and tell me how smart I am. Just like he used to.

“You’re a smart one, my son. You’ll do something that will make the whole world stop and watch.”

When my father would say that I would always feel prideful. If I could do something like that, I’d be able to help our village. But I am older now. I am more jaded. I have seen Death, and even she seems to believe in me. How can she believe in me when I cannot find it in myself to progress?

I am still stuck in the past, no matter how fast we are marching towards the future. - P.R’

Wilbur took a deep breath, and pulled the doorknob, stepping into the van. He was already wet from the rain, but when he closed the door, he nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden downpour.

His omelet sat cold on the table. Phil looked out the window with his hand propping his chin up, his wings tucked back against his kimono. He didn’t say anything until Wilbur sat down, leaving a trail of wet footprints in his path.

“I haven’t been here in years. “ Philza said.

Wilbur gulped. “Right…you used to live here.”

A faint smile played on Phil’s lips as he watched the rain fall from the window. “I’ve never seen it rain like this before. Pix said years ago that Pixandria got a rainy season but- hooo shit, that’s a lot.”

Wilbur’s shoulders relaxed when he saw Phil smile. “I was reading about that actually. In uh, in a book I got a shop in the Grimlands. The Ocean Queen helped, or something.”

“Yeah…”

“Yeah…”

The rain was thankfully there to fill the void of silence.

“I’m sorry.” Wilbur said.

Thunder clapped in the distance.

“I’m sorry I didn’t write.” Wilbur rubbed up and down his arm. “And left. And stole the van.”

Phil quirked an eyebrow. “You stole this van? Atta boy, Wil!” Phil let out a sharp, good natured laugh.

“You’re not mad about that.”

“Wil.” Phil said. “My best friend is Technoblade.”

“Okay, yeah, that is- that’s fair.” Wilbur couldn’t help but laugh at that.

Phil sighed, and let his wings relax. “I’m not mad. I wasn’t mad. I was worried sick to the point Mumbo threatened to drug me! But not mad.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Wilbur muttered like a surly teenager.

“I just-” Phil pressed his lips together before he let out a nervous warble. “I guess I’m seeing a whole different side of you, and it’s a little…jarring? Confusing? I didn’t think you even liked bell bottoms.”

“The bell bottoms are the problem?”

“There’s no problem, but I mean yeah, bell bottoms aren’t helping.” Phil tried to say it like a joke. “I feel like I’m looking at a different Wilbur than the Wilbur who was living in my attic back in fucking December. It really hasn't been that long.”

Wilbur rubbed the back of his neck. “I like how I look.”

“Then that’s all that matters.” Phil just gave him a smile. “Do you um…wanna tell me about how you met that Renbob guy?”

“Maybe later.” Wilbur said. “We’ve got time.”

Chapter Text

The hippies had lasted so much longer than Doc expected them to. Six days longer, to be precise.

They had gotten smarter, rotating shifts for who would sit with Tommy in the treetops, and who would patrol around the forest to make sure Doc didn’t try anything. Food was delivered every day by either Tubbo, Ranboo, or Pearl, and when Doc tried to catch them in the act they just flew or ran off. There was a tent pitched on the ground and a small campfire set up, so that deterred anyone from sneaking up to them in the middle of the night. And of course, with Tommy being the person always in the tree, Doc couldn’t cut it down as long as she was in it.

Ever since her heart to heart with Ren, Tommy had become a little more tolerable of him, even letting him sit up with her in the tree, lovingly called Impa. Ren didn’t get the reference, but man oh man, did he become invested quick when Tommy attempted to explain the Legend of Zelda timeline. She laughed in his face every time he looked confused, but she wasn’t any better. Grian chimed in a few times with his knowledge, and so the three of them spent one of their six days just rambling about the games to each other. Tommy got Ren to download it on his com and was showing him the ropes whenever it was his shift. She’d also toss him down marshmallows, and he’d see how many he could catch in his mouth. The record was 12 out of 226.

On shifts with Impulse Tommy found that’s when she could get some shut eye. There was something about him that just made her feel safe, so once he was secured onto the branches she dozed off, head against the trunk. According to Impulse she both drooled and snored in her sleep, but was that news to anyone at this point? If she woke up with a crick in her neck, he’d be there to give her some Advil, and was able to heat up the coffee with his bare hands. Sure, Tommy loved that trick, but she couldn’t look at the burns up and down his arms without feeling a weight in her stomach.

Shifts with Grian were always the most fun. Because that’s when Doc would show up, and for the hour they were together they’d taunt him from up above. Tommy would blast ‘The Able Sisters’ on her communicator, and Grian would just start chucking pinecones. Doc threw the pinecones back, until he nearly hit Tommy. Then he just opted for empty threats. Tommy was starting to get creative with her insults too! Calling Doc a ‘vegan nacho’ only to get a completely baffled look back had to be the absolute highlight of her week.

There was nothing Xisuma could do about the hippies, and frankly, the whole situation amused him to no end. The almighty DocM77, bested by a few Hermits in a treehouse? He would have laughed if Doc wasn’t constantly on the verge of exploding. There were craters all over the landscape, making the Shopping District look like swiss cheese from the skies. They were forming faster than Keralis and BDubs could patch them up!

“There’s REALLY nothing you can do?” Doc complained for what seemed to be the millionth time. He was at his wits end with these hippies who had completely thrown off his schedule for the season. He should've started days ago! Instead, he was mulling over his blueprints again and again, making the most nit-picky of notes because what else could he possibly do when his plans were hijacked?

“Doc. YOU don’t listen to me. Joe doesn’t even listen to me! What makes you think anybody else is going to listen to me?” Xisuma set the shulker down on his work bench and twisted it open, carefully taking out a satchel of bonemeal. “If I could make you lot listen to me, I wouldn’t waste it on a tree house. This server would be spotless and the devs would be off my back, I’ll tell you that much.”

Doc groaned. “I’ve been planning this for years, man! I don’t understand why they had to- it’s just a couple of trees!” He hissed, small fizzling sounds coming from the corners of his mouth.

Xisuma untied the satchel, sprinkling bone meal into satchels filled with seeds. “And the flowers, and plants, and animals- you’re going to level an entire forest Doc. You really think hippies wouldn’t have a problem with that?”

“It’s not like they didn’t already know!” Doc felt like tearing his fur out. “They all knew about The Perimeter!”

“Look Doc, I really don’t have any say in this,” Xisuma set the satchels filled with seeds and bone meal to the side as he twisted the shulker closed, setting it under his work bench. He picked up another shulker box, taking out a log and placing it down, taking his axe from his work belt and starting to carve it into a step. “Why don’t you try negotiating with them? Tommy seems to be their ‘leader’ so why not just try talking to her?”

“Have you just met Tommy?” Doc quipped back, but right now, that looked like the only option. Even though on day one Tommy had claimed she wasn’t interested in negotiations, Doc could at least try. He wasn’t leaving Season 9 without having built The Perimeter! “Alright, alright Xisuma. I’ll be off.”

“Have fun.” Xisuma waved with one hand, the other preoccupied with the ridges he was making in the wood. “If I see a death message in Chat, I’ll get someone to collect your things.”

Doc pulled his elytra back on and soared back towards the forest.

Tommy, Grian, and Ranboo were up in the tree, while down below Impulse, Ren, Tubbo, Michael, and Grumbot were all around the campfire. It was one of those rare moments where everybody seemed to have a bit of down time, and were able to lounge around Impa since Doc was preoccupied with something else. The three in the tree were playing cards, while everyone in the tent was coloring with Michael and Grumbot.

“I thought you swore off UNO.” Tommy grumbled as she was forced to pick up four more cards. She had been so close to winning, but no, Grian had a plus four the entire time.

“I swore off UNO with TIMMY. Anyone else is fair game.” Grian smirked, leaning against the tree trunk. “Alright Ranboo you’re up.”

“Can I- can I just put down any card?” Ranboo looked a little confused by the game's premise, but they were getting the hang of it! “I mean-”

“Yes, Ranboo, any card.”

Ranboo put down a yellow card.

“MOTHER [BEEP]-” Tommy cut herself off with a groan, having to swipe six more cards from the pile before she got a yellow. She slammed it down onto the pile, while Grian put down his third card, leaving him with only two cards. “Can we maybe play a game we can actually win?”

“Where’s the fun in that Thomas?” Grian watched as Ranboo put down their card with a 3 in the corner, and Grian placed down his final card. “UNO.”

“I’d shove you out this tree if I could.” Tommy crossed her arms as Ranboo picked the pile up to reshuffle. “How do you always know what cards we have? You’re not psychic, man!”

Grian shrugged. “I’m just that good.”

Tommy squinted at Grian. “Are you sure you’re not using your weird [beep]-ing Watcher over whatever powers to see through the cards?”

Grian suddenly got very quiet.

“Oh my- Grian!” Ranboo gasped, pretending to be offended.

“YOU [BEEP]-HOLE!” Tommy smacked Grian on the shoulder. “You cheater! GRIAN CHEATS AT CARDS! GRIAN-”

Grian clamped a hand over Tommy’s mouth. “This is a secret to literally no-OW!” Grian pulled his hand away, shaking it out. “Did you just bite my hand!? Thomas!”

“You taught me that! Karma’s a [beep] Grian and she is unforgiving to those who CHEAT AT CARDS. Who cheats at cards against CHILDREN- I’m a minor Grian!”

“Oh, please Thomas, you can handle losing a card game.” Grian went back to reshuffling the deck. “I don’t hear Ranboo complaining!”

“Hm? Sorry, I don’t acknowledge cheaters.”

“RANBOO!”

“HAH!” Tommy shoved Grian again, the cards slipping out of Grian’s hands and fluttering down to the forest floor. “I should sick Sam Nook on you, [beep]! He’d set ya straight.”

“Where is Sam Nook, by the way?” Ranboo asked as Grian squawked and flew down to gather the cards back up. “I don’t think I’ve seen him for a while.”

“Oh, I let Pearl borrow him for a bit.” Tommy said with a shrug. “Once the Gilded Hilenthia is a bit more built up, he’ll be right back on Hermitcraft and able to help me out with my poggers treehouse! I’ve grown quite fond of this tree, so I might just stay with her permanently.” Tommy pet her trunk. “I could probably lug a tent up here, once Doc decides to back off.”

“That was nice of you.” Ranboo said. “I mean- letting Pearl use Sam Nook.”

Tommy rubbed the back of her neck. “Felt like the least I could do, ya know? Pearl’s done a [beep] ton for me, and she’s my sister ‘n all that. Least I could do is lend Sam Nook to her for a bit. I mean, I did ask first! I said, ‘Sam Nook my good friend my best robot pal besides my dear nephew, how do you feel about doing cleanup at Pearl’s kingdom’ and Sam Nook said ‘TommyInnit I would be HAPPY to help Pearl’ and so she brought him through the portal to help with cleanup.” Tommy said. “When Pearl’s not at the Hilenthia he’s with her advisors, and I’ve met them, they’re a good lot.”

Grian flew back up into the tree, having gathered all the cards back up. “Don’t-” He gave Tommy a pointed look. “Drop any more of these cards. I’m not flying back down to get them. Here Ranboo, you draw first.”

Ranboo took seven cards out of the deck, holding them like a fan.

Tommy rolled her eyes, plucking her seven cards from the deck. “Booo. You’re no fun.”

Grian’s feathers gave an annoyed ruffle, and he was careful not to scorch the branch he was sitting on. He set the rest of the cards down in a pile, and the game restarted.

Down below in the tent, it was like one giant arts and crafts studio. A shulker sat in the corner with the rolled up sleeping bags and pillows to make way for the multitude of coloring books, the giant sketch pad, pouches and jars of markers, crayons, colored pencils, and gel pens.

Michael sat on his stomach with his legs crossed in the air as he scribbled with intense concentration on the blank page, his tongue sticking out. He hummed to himself, focusing all his energy on his stick figure crayon drawing.

Grumbot sat next to Tubbo as he colored perfectly in the lines of a coloring book depicting different sea creatures. Of course, all the colors were wrong- the sea was purple, and the dolphins were red- but he was having fun regardless.

Tubbo took the time to sketch out the interior of his observatory. He already had the foundation built out of scaffolding, but between being a self-proclaimed tree boy and watching the kids, Tubbo hadn’t gotten the chance to actually start the exterior or unpack any of his lab equipment that sat in shulker boxes in the bunker.

Ren had taken a break from coloring to braid Impulse’s hair, because it was in a half ponytail that had been bugging him all morning. He sat behind Impulse with two bobby pins in his mouth and scrunchy around his wrist, twisting his hair till it was in a perfect French braid.

“Me next, me next!” Michael exclaimed, looking up from his coloring to see Ren and Impulse.

Ren took the bobby pins out of his mouth and slotted them into the grooves of the braid before laughing. “I can try, little dude, but you don’t have a lotta hair! You’ve got fur.”

“YOU have fur too.”

“I’ve got long fur. I’m a dog, buddy boy. You’re a piglin. Different fur for different environments, or something.” Ren took a compact mirror from his pocket. “How’s that look, Impulse?”

Impulse titled his head from side to side. “Looks great Ren!”

Michael huffed, wanting to be included in the braiding. His ears then perked up with an idea. “Ren, can I braid your hair!”

Tubbo looked up from his sketching. “Michael, what’s the magic word?”

Michael turned from Ren, to Tubbo, then back to Ren, his face forming the widest puppy dog eyes possible. “Please Ren?”

Ren put a hand over his heart. “Of course Mikey, whatever you want!”

“Yay!” Michael cheered. He stood up from where he was drawing and ran to sit behind Ren. He tugged his hair out of its ponytail a little harsher than he meant to, and started to weave like he had seen Ren doing with Impulse.

Impulse moved out of the way, looking over at Grumbot’s coloring. “That looks great, bud!”

“Thanks! I know the water is usually blue, but I wanted to have fun with it!” Grumbot chirped, picking up the coloring book so Impulse could see it properly.

Michael craned his neck over Ren’s shoulders and beamed, his tail wagging. “I like the dolphins!”

“They’re red! That’s my favorite color.” Grumbot looked at Impulse and Ren when he said that because of course he knew Michael knew his favorite color. “I like red, and Michael likes pink and yellow!”

“Very good colors if I do say so myself!” Ren said. He winced, feeling a tug on his hair. “Mikey, kiddo, a little gentler please?”

“Sorry!”

“It’s okay! Just haven’t taken a comb to my fur in a while.” Ren laughed nervously. Oh boy, if Renbob knew he was neglecting his fur like this he’d have his head. But it was such a hassle! He had to find a villager that had the right shampoo, conditioner, AND detangler if he didn’t want to get swindled by a shop on Skyblock. Then he had to turn that villager into a zombie, cure that zombie villager, and it was just a giant pain in the butt.

Michael braided Ren’s hair like he was tying his shoes- making the bunny ear loops and twisting them around. He took a butterfly clip from his own fur, clipping it right on top of his head.

“How am I lookin’ Impulse?” Ren asked, trying not to grimace at the thought of all the tangles and knots that were forming on his head.

Impulse looked at Ren and had to resist the urge to laugh. “Looking great, Ren.” He gave a thumbs up, a snicker escaping.

Ren let out a big doggy huff, but smiled when he heard Michael squeal in excitement, getting ready to show Ren. He remembered when Jono was little and was just learning how to manage his own fur. He’d practice for ages on Ren while they were waiting for Renbob to come back home from his odd jobs. Ren would almost always need to go back at it with detangler later, but it was worth it seeing the smile on his face.

“Tubbo, you’ve been pretty quiet, you doing okay bud?” Impulse asked.

Tubbo didn’t look up from his sketchbook, giving a nod. “Yeah, just pretty focused. Need to get the dimensions just right, but I left my notes back at the barn.” He tapped his pen against his chin. “Should I put the bookshelf against the wall, or around my desk? What about the kids' desks?” He was mumbling to himself and didn’t even notice he was tapping and counting in his head. 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. He hadn’t done that in a while.

“Mind if I take a look?”

“Knock yourself out, boss man.” Tubbo handed the sketchbook to Impulse before he flopped back down on his back, one arm over his face and the other over his stomach. He grunted, feeling Grumbot crawling on him. “Grumbot can you maybe use daddy as a jungle gym later?”

“Nope!”

“Alright.” Tubbo sighed, propping his knees up. “Have at it.”

Impulse chuckled as he watched Grumbot try and scale Tubbo’s legs like a mountain, before his eyes turned back to the sketchbook. “You’ve got the dimensions down pretty well, just the center is two blocks off. Just expand this bit, and you’ll have the correct proportions.”

Tubbo moved his arm so he could stare at Impulse, baffled. “How. How?!”

Impulse laughed. “I’ve been building for a long time, Tubbo.”

Ren was about to say something, but his com pinged. He reached into the pocket of his denim jacket and flipped it open.

< TommyInnit whispers to You > DocMINCOMING

“Doccy’s here.” Ren said. “Sorry Michael, we’re gonna have to cut the brain train short.”

“That’s okay, I’m all done!”

Ren stood up, admiring the braid that reached down to his elbow. It was twisted, knotted, and tangled eight ways to Sunday, but Michael had given him all of his butterfly clips, and used the hair scrunchie that had been in his pocket. “Oh baby, this looks fantastic!” Ren scooped Michael up, pressing a kiss to his head. “Tubbo, you got one talented munchkin!”

“I’ve got TWO talented munchkins.” Tubbo sat up properly, picking Grumbot back up from across his belly. “C’mon bud, we got a tree to defend.”

Outside Doc was circling around the front of the tree. He shouted and dodged as Grian shot an arrow at him. “DUDE! What the hell!?”

“Get away from Impa!” Grian exclaimed.

“I’m not here to tear down your stupid tree!” Doc exclaimed, holding his hands up in defense. “I’m here to negotiate- stop shooting you pesky bird!”

Ranboo and Grian both glanced at Tommy, Grian lowering his bow.

Tommy gulped. “Why’re you fellas looking at me like that?”

“Well, I mean, you’re kind of the leader here.” Ranboo said. “You’re the negotiations girl.”

Tommy didn’t think this plan through, did she? Sure, she had started this whole feud with Doc in the first place, but she didn’t really think of herself as a ‘leader’. A delegate? An ambassador? She didn’t have the right word for it, but a leader was just too much like Wilbur. She had no desire to be president then, and she had no desire to be leader now. But did she really have much of a choice when all eyes were on her?

“Alright Doc, let’s [beep]-ing ‘negotiate’.”

Chapter Text

“Step into my office, please, have a seat.”

Doc sighed as he kneeled down, crawling into the tent behind Tommy. He hit his head against the top and gave a grunt, rubbing where fur had met the pole holding the tarps up. It took him a click to adjust, loafing like a cat and keeping his head ducked so his horns wouldn’t brush against the tent’s fabric. His knees dug into the ground, and he swore he heard a crayon or two crack under his knees.

Tommy sat crisscross applesauce in front of him, her arms folded in her lap. She had a grin on her face that Doc had seen many times before- on Scar. That grin meant he was about to get scammed out of something. Or roped into doing something stupid. Either way, Doc was getting a strange sense of deja vu.

If this was the game he had to play, then so be it. He’d play.

“Tommy.” He said simply. “I would like to build my perimeter.”

“Yeah, and I’d like for you not to destroy an entire [beep]-ing ecosystem in one fell swoop.” Tommy said with a shrug. “But apparently we don’t always get what we want, eh?”

Doc’s hackles raised. Who raised this kid!? He’d have words with Grian later, that was for sure. He couldn’t exactly find Wilbur Soot and give him a piece of his mind, because if he could’ve, he would’ve ages ago. He supposed Jimmy Solidarity and Martyn InTheLittleWood had a hand in this, but again, Doc couldn’t exactly yell at them. Grian was the prime target.

He took a deep breath. He could feel the molecules in his code buzzing, just itching to explode. But if BDubs had to patch up another creeper hole, Doc sure he’d be poisoned in his sleep. “I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement?”

“I’m absolutely sure we can. You seem like a reasonable man Doc- can I call you Doc?” Tommy pressed her hands together, pointing them at Doc. “You see, you have the entire server to build your Perimeter. YET you choose an area that’s absolutely full of life! Why not build it underground? Or in a different biome?”

Doc pinches the bridge of his nose. “Tomm-”

“ABABUP! I’m not finished!” Tommy held a finger up. “You picked an area close to the Shopping District! Think about how that pollution from the TNT dupers would affect the air the Hermits breathe! Michael has itty bitty lungs, what’s gonna happen if he gets red lungs from this [beep]-ing contraption!”

“I have precautions-”

“You really have an interrupting problem-”

“Is this even going anywhere?”

“Yes, it is, if you’d let me get to it!” Tommy let out an exaggerated, exasperated sigh. “Gods DAMN someone [beep]-ed in your cereal.”

Doc had to keep reminding himself that Tommy was being annoying on purpose to get her point across. She wasn’t Grian, who she could just pick up by the scruff and throw halfway across the server like a discus. Doc had to remind himself, or this tent and everything in it was about to be part of the same smoking divot in the earth.

He made a hand motion that said, ‘go on, continue.’

Tommy settled back against the pillows. “So, here’s what I propose-”

“What’d ya think’s going on in there?” Impulse asked. He gripped the branch above him with one hand, while he used his wings to keep his balance on the branches below him.

“Knowing Tommy, she’s running the poor [beep] in circles.” Tubbo said, holding Michael in his arms. “Hey, it’s actually pretty cozy up here.”

Ranboo clung to Grumbot so he wouldn’t slip down out of their arms, their back pressed against the trunk of the tree. They didn’t mind being so high up, but the fact the kids were up here was making their heart nearly beat out of their chest. They just hoped Tommy hurried up with whatever she was doing.

“Hey Ren, what happened to your hair?” Grian asked, trying not to laugh. “It’s very-”

“Fashionable? Stylish?”

“...Sure.”

“Michael did it!” Ren beamed, pointing to Michael. “Didn’t cha little dude?”

“Mhm!” Michael nodded, a proud smile on his little face.

Crap. Now Grian couldn’t laugh at Ren. “It looks fantastic, Michael. Hey, maybe when Doc is done talking to your auntie mimi you can ask to braid his fur?” Grian knew exactly what he was doing, that damn pesky bird.

Michael gave an excited gasp. “I will! Grumbot, we can use the flower clips we have at home!”

Grumbot clapped with the same excitement Michael had. Ranboo sucked in a deep breath, gripping Grumbot a little tighter so the branch didn’t jostle under them. They didn’t understand how Tommy had been up here for so long and hadn’t been worried about fall damage!

“Oh- oh Doc’s gonna love that.” Impulse snickered. “Uh, hey Ranboo? Are you doing okay? You’re looking a little green around the gills there.”

“Huh- oh-oh yeah man, I’m doing great.” Ranboo gulped down the nerves building up in their throat. “I’d just rather we not be THIS high up. The kids and I could’ve, ya know, stayed on the ground?”

Tubbo reached over, putting a hand on Ranboo’s arm. “Hey, it’s okay boss man. One of us falls, and Grian, Impulse, or Ren will catch us! They actually know how to use that elytra [beep].”

“Some of us more than others.” Grian muttered under his breath.

Ren let out a big huff. “G, my man, it doesn’t count if you were freakin’ born with the dang things! Some of us had to learn how to fly from scratch!”

“Maybe I’m just- Tubbo what’s Thomas always saying?”

“Built different?”

“Yeah, I’m built different.” Grian gave his feathers a prideful ruffle, then squawked when Impulse shoved him. He fell out of the tree but was able to swoop back up easily. “Okay see, that was just plain rude.”

Impulse shrugged. “Skill issue.”

Tubbo beamed. “Hey, I taught you that one!”

“You did!” Impulse held up his hand for a high five, and laughed when he received it. “Hey, speaking of wings, Ranboo, why don’t you ever use yours? I’m pretty sure Grian and Pearl taught you how.”

A purple blush dusted Ranboo’s cheeks and ears. “Uh- well- that must’ve been…before.”

Grian cringed. “Right…yeah. Before.”

“Before what?” Michael asked. He looked at Grumbot, who just shrugged. “Before what?” He asked again, more insistent.

“Nothing you need to worry about, honeybee.” Tubbo playfully pinched his cheek.

Honestly, Ranboo had forgotten they even had an elytra on. It just hung around their shoulders and dragged behind them, like a fancy cloak. That’s what most people thought it was anyway, and they weren’t about to bring any attention to themselves on the DreamSMP by having an elytra. It still felt like just another part of their Nightmare Night costume- something they put on every morning, and took off every night, watching it turn from the black and violet crystalline patterns to a plain shimmery silver fabric that laid over their chair while they slept.

“After this whole debacle, I’ll try and give you some more flying lessons.” Grian said. “It’s actually pretty easy. I’m sure even Michael and Grumbot can do it!”

“Can we-”

“Absolutely not.” Ranboo cut Grumbot off. “Are you trying to give your papa a heart attack? Is that- did Tommy put you up to this? Is that the goal here? For your poor papa to drop dead?”

Tubbo snickered. “Sorry kids, your papa’s right. No flying till you’re at least twelve.”

“At least twelve!” Michael exclaimed dramatically. “But that’s FOREVER from now! YOU’RE at least twelve!”

“I- [beep] Michael, you’re not wrong.”

“Hold on, dudes, Doccy and Tommy are comin’ out!” Ren had been using his optifine binoculars the whole time, trying to get a good bird's eye view without the bird part. “They’re shaking hands! Oh..oh Doc doesn’t look too happy.”

Grian laughed. “When is Doc ever happy?”

He jumped off the branch and swooped down to the ground, landing just a few blocks away from the tent. “So, how’d the deal go?” He had a Cheshire cat-like grin on his face that made Doc hiss under his breath.

“I don’t want to hear it from you, pesky bird.” Doc sighed, letting go of Tommy’s hand.

Tommy looked mighty proud of herself, her hands on her hips. “We’ve got a deal all set up, don’tcha worry, Grian! It was a pleasure doing business with you, DocM77!”

Doc looked like he had aged 30 years in fifteen clicks. He just gave a nod, and equipped his elytra, leaving behind only the sound of rockets as he sped off.

Tubbo lowered himself and Michael down to the ground, while Impulse scooped Ranboo and Michael up to fly down so they didn’t have to jump or climb. Ren was the first to land, brushing off his overalls.

“Tommy, my dude, what in heck’s name did you say to Doc?” Ren asked, looking thoroughly amused by this entire situation.

Tommy got right to explaining. As Mumbo Jumbo would put it, it’s actually quite simple. Doc wants to use this area for his Perimeter. But the entire area of the Perimeter is one big ecosystem of animals, trees, flowers- all that stuff. So all Doc has to do is move the ecosystem to a similar one! That way none of the nature surrounding it gets harmed.

Impulse’s jaw was practically on the ground. “And he agreed to that!?”

“I really didn’t give him much of a choice.” Tommy grinned, shoving her hands in her pockets. Being tied to a tree for six days made her want to move around and stretch her legs as much as possible, so she started rocking back and forth on her heels. “I’m PRETTY stubborn.”

“Don’t I know it.” Grian clapped a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Where were you back in the commune! We definitely could’ve used you!”

Tommy laughed, shrugging Grian’s hand off. “APPARENTLY just an hour away in Area 77!”

“I snuck in PLENTY of times, I still don’t know how I never saw you.” Grian shook his head. “Whatever the case, looks like we’ve won this round gentlemen!”

“AHEM.”

“Gentlemen and lady.”

“[Beep] yeah, I’m a lady!” Tommy said, flexing her imaginary muscles.

Grian playfully rolled his eyes. “I say we celebrate!”

“Heck yeah my dude!” Ren cheered. He lifted Tommy up, putting her on his shoulders. “Let’s get some freakin’ Gigapies!”

“GIGAPIES! GIGAPIES!” Michael and Grumbot started cheering, jumping up and down.

The whole group of them was cheering and laughing all the way to the Gigapies shop. Michael and Grumbot ran ahead of the adults, Impulse chasing after them in an impromptu game of tag. Tommy stayed on Ren’s shoulders, being carried like she was a queen. Grian soared above them, wings spread out and illuminating the ground below. And Tubbo and Ranboo strolled together hand in hand, just chatting about what their plans were for later. Dinner, bedtime, builds- all that domestic stuff.

It was perfect.

A little too perfect.

That night while Tubbo was getting ready for bed, he felt it. A shudder ran down his spine and he groaned, looking at himself in the bathroom mirror.

“Not again, not [beep]-ing again.” Tubbo hissed through clenched teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut as he collapsed onto his knees, his hand still gripping the porcelain counter.

Through the static, Tubbo started to hear…words. That was new. Usually, the only people Tubbo could hear through the static were the Hermits, and even then, it was only the ones on the server. All their voices usually jumbled together until Tubbo couldn’t differentiate who was who, and it became static once again. This time was different.

“Martyn, we might just have to charge in here to get past the bows!”

“Alright, who do we focus first!?”

Tubbo could hear Martyn. That second voice was Martyn. But that first voice sounded so overlapped, and with the rushing winds and barrage of arrows that Tubbo was being surrounded by, it was hard to differentiate who was who. All he knew was- that was Martyn.

“Careful, Impulse is coming with more tnt- GET PAST HIM!”

“NO! No no no no!”

“TRAITOR!”

That was Impulse shouting ‘no’. And Martyn was shouting, an anger burning inside him and making his voice become laced with venom. Impulse? A traitor? One of the nicest guys Tubbo knew- that Impulse?

“Be careful my lord, more people are coming! Inbound!”

“Another one down-BIGB!”

“This isn’t good- Scar! SCAR- you’re hitting the WRONG PERSON!”

Grian. There was Grian shouting. What was Grian doing here? And why was he shouting for-

“I'm sorry Grian, sorry!”

“SCAR IT IS YOU AND ME TO THE DEATH, LADDIE!”

Tubbo finally recognized that voice. That deep, rumbling voice, that usually was so put together. It was The Red King. Shouting angrily, desperately, like a cornered animal through all the chaos. Tubbo felt like a cornered animal himself- curled up on the bathroom floor, back pressed against the bathtub with his hands over his ears.

“REN NO!”

Martyn’s voice cut through clear as day, choking back a sob.

“YES SCAR, YES!”

“KILL THE HAND, KILL THE HAND!”

Grian was practically hollering for joy, while Tubbo could feel the bloodthirst dripping from Scar’s tone. It was like acid.

“NO! NEVER!”

“KILL THE HAND ON THE ALTAR!”

“YES SCAR! YES!”

And just like that.

Silence.

Unbearable silence.

Tubbo couldn’t hear a sound.

He struggled to sit up, to push himself back onto his feet. He swayed and gripped onto the wall, feeling ill. He felt his mouth move, but no noise came out. He shouted louder, but there was nothing.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror. Tubbo was drenched with sweat, and the sink he had accidentally left on was overflowing onto the bathroom floor. He could care less about the prospect of mold, because all he could do was stare at the cracks in the mirror.

A perfect halo shape around his head.

Tubbo didn’t hear the door open. And what happened after Ranboo found him was a noiseless blur. The only thing he could hear was the repeated screams that had been shoved into his brain.

A distant, frustrated, “Are you kidding me!?”

And a despair filled cry, “The Red King has fallen!”

Chapter Text

“For the millionth time-” Tubbo grumbled as he batted Doc’s hand away from his face. “I am FINE. I’m a perfectly healthy individual, and if YOU wanna stay a perfectly healthy individual, you’ll keep that thing away from me.” Tubbo tried to pull the covers off of his legs and get out of bed, but Ranboo wasn’t having it.

“No no no- you get back in bed.” Ranboo gently pushed Tubbo back down so Doc could take his temperature. Again.

“I’m fine!” Tubbo groaned in annoyance.

Doc took the opportunity to stick the thermometer in Tubbo’s mouth. He gagged for a tick, before accepting his fate with a huff, arms crossed. Tubbo wasn’t about to go up against Doc- man was built like a horse!

Once Doc heard a beep, he took the thermometer out. “Well, you don’t have a fever-”

“Thank [BEEP]-”

“But you should stay in bed-”

“Oh COME ON!”

“Tubbo, you passed out!” Ranboo said worriedly, rubbing his shoulder. “I-I didn’t know what was going on!”

When Ranboo had heard Tubbo calling his name while getting ready for bed, they just thought he needed help grabbing something. But then his screams had become desperate, and when Ranboo opened the bathroom door, Tubbo passed out on the bathroom tiles. Ranboo let Tubbo sleep through the night, but in the morning, they had called Doc in a panic. Now Tubbo was insisting he was fine, even though Doc had cleaned off blood from around his ears.

“I’m not just going to lounge around in bed all day! I’ve got [beep] to do!” Tubbo exclaimed. “And Doc just said I don’t have a fever!”

“Tubbo, please? For- for my own sanity.” Ranboo pleaded. They rarely did this, but they stared at Tubbo with the widest eyes possible, ears pushed back. Also known as the puppy dog eyes.

Tubbo groaned, covering his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Damn you and your cute face. FINE. Fine. I’ll stay the [beep] in [beep]-ing bed- [beep], [beep], [beep]-ing [beep.”

Doc chuckled at how many beeps that was. “Just take it easy, alright? I don’t know what could’ve possibly caused your ears to bleed like that- but just in case, building and redstone won’t be doing you any favors.”

Tubbo rolled his eyes. “So I’m just ‘sposed to lay here like a lump? I’ve got kids to feed, and chores to do and-”

“I’ve got the chores.” Ranboo reassured, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“What am I supposed to DO?”

Doc stared right at Tubbo. “Relax. You’re going to relax.”

Tubbo Underscore Beloved. Relaxing. How was hell enjoying the iced tea and frozen yogurt? Tubbo couldn’t believe what he was hearing! They were expecting him to relax! The nerve! The audacity!

“Who's gonna cook!”

“I can handle cooking!” Ranboo said with a half-smile. “I mean- hey- how hard can it be?”

Tubbo tried to practically leap out of bed. Doc nudged him back down with an exasperated sigh. “Tubbo-”

“Ranboo I love you but for the love of Mojang do NOT use my kitchen.”

Ranboo gave a huff, arms crossed. “Hey, I can make burgers!”

Tubbo looked at Doc, almost pleading. “Doc, man, my friend, my best friend’s father. Let me out of this bed.”

“No can do, Tubbo, I’m sorry.” Doc stood back up. “Though if you need someone to cook, you can just ask one of the Hermits. I’m sure they’d be happy to help.”

There were two things Tubbo hated in this world. Being dependent on others and feeling helpless. He’s felt like that over and over again in the past, and it’s just made him more determined to be as strong as he possibly can be. He didn’t even feel sick, and yet he was put on bed rest!

“This is bull [beep].” Tubbo grumbled when he heard Doc leave the barn, front door clicking shut. He scowled, laying back down and letting his head plop against the pillow. “I can make breakfast.”

Ranboo pressed a kiss to Tubbo’s forehead. “I know, but please, rest. Just for today? Then- then tomorrow you can go back to working, I promise. Can you do one day? For me?”

Tubbo groaned. “Why’d you have to pull out the ‘for me’ card! You know that gets me every time! C’mon boss man, that’s just playing dirty.”

They just laughed, purring when Tubbo ran a hand through his hair.

He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “This whole family needs a trim. Tommy too. It’s like split end city.”

Ranboo laughed. “I’ll add it to the list. Now, can you try and relax? Please? I’ll bring you up some coffee, then get started on breakfast.”

Tubbo tried not to visibly cringe. He loved his husband. Really. He did. But they cannot cook to save their life. “Alright, alright. Fine. How’ve the kids slept through all this?”

“They had a long day yesterday.” Ranboo said. They stood up and stretched their back, brace still clipped on tight. They turned to leave, hand on the doorknob.

“Hey bug?”

“Hm?”

“I’m uh- sorry. About the mess in the bathroom.”

Ranboo’s brows knit together. “Mess?”

Now Tubbo looked confused. “Ya know..the mirror? The water?”

Ranboo tilts their head. “The mirror? What’s wrong with the mirror?”

Tubbo opened his mouth, then closed it again and shook his head. “Never mind, it’s fine bug. Must’ve dreamt it. Love you.”

Ranboo gives Tubbo a loving smile. “Love you too, Stay in bed! Unless it’s to like, you know, use the bathroom or get a book to read or- okay you know what I mean. Furthest I want you walking is the bathroom.”

He gave an exaggerated huff and a mock salute. “Got it, minutes man.”

They snorted out a laugh. “Thank you, Mr. President.” Ranboo closed the door behind them as they made their way down the stairs, holding their skirt up so they didn’t trip.

Tubbo laid flat on his back and stared up at the ceiling.

All he had to do was relax for a day. That shouldn’t be too hard! There were plenty of things he could do from the confines of his bed. There were com games, or he could read a book, or…