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Chapter Text

Liu Sang stepped from the commuter train onto the busy platform; navigating the heavy throng of people with the skill of someone who used the public transportation systems of Shanghai on the regular.

He had his noise cancelling headphones in with the white noise turned up as high as he could stand it to drown out the noise of far too many people and a constantly bustling city. It was a shame he didn’t have as convenient a way to also drown out the closeness of the horde of strangers brushing and jostling against him periodically.

When he finally reached the exit of the terminal and the crowds thinned out, he sighed with relief; quickly abandoning the main throughfare and cutting into an alleyway that served as a shortcut to his apartment.   

The apartment complex that Liu Sang currently called home was in a lower income part of the city. Far below what he could have afforded in reality; but it was kept up well and clean. The landlady was unobtrusive and didn’t possess the nosy qualities of some that he had encountered over the years; so there was no one to check in on his comings and goings which was exactly how he preferred it.

And perhaps most importantly, no one would look here to find the up and coming expert consultant who was now endorsed by not one but two heads of The Mystic Nine. Not to mention the fact that he was one of the very few with the right to wear a t-shirt with “I survived Tamutuo” on it; not that he would ever deign to wear something so tacky.

Pressing his code into the keypad of his apartment, Liu Sang stepped in; letting the door swing shut behind him with another sigh, the micro tensions of the day seeping out of him at last.

Giving his tie a tug or two to loosen the constriction, he wandered farther into the living area; dropping his backpack onto the coffee table and digging into the front pouch for the case for his handy-dandy headphones.

Tapping his finger to one of the earbuds to turn them off, Liu Sang pulled them free to arrange them in the case; which was when he heard the heartbeat.

It wasn’t as if he couldn’t have heard the heartbeats of the occupants of every adjacent apartment if he cared to; but this one was too close … no intervening walls.

There was a subtle creak of a footstep.

Liu Sang whirled to find a person standing between him and the front door.

The foreigner was at least a few inches over six feet, his shoulders very nearly as broad as the doorframe behind him. A dark shirt fitted snuggly over a deep chest and chiseled bulk of torso; and Liu Sang’s eyes recorded as many bits of information as a glance would afford.

The clothes were too clean and not worn enough to belong to a down and outer looking for some cash or something to pawn; and the dangerous light in the man’s green eyes and his carriage marked him as a fighter … a mercenary for hire type?

“What do you want?” Liu Sang snapped, his brain scrambling.

The smile that touched the man’s lips was unpleasant as he said something in a language that Liu Sang did not understand; advancing a step, looking like a solid wall of body.

Rather than back away, which he was pretty sure was what this hulk would expect him to do; Liu Sang grabbed the strap of his backpack, flinging it with all his might at the man’s head before making a dash to scoot around the stranger and head for the room’s only exit.

The unexpected offensive maneuver gave Liu Sang the moment he needed to get around the obstructing bulk; but not much else, and a meaty fist curled into the back of his jacket at the nape of his neck. Before he could so much as yell, Liu Sang was hauled up and flung about as easily as he’d just thrown his backpack. The next thing to register was the massive impact as he body slammed into the coffee table with the full force of the intruder’s strength; wood splintering beneath him.

Liu Sang tried to groan, but the sound wouldn’t come out as his breath left his lungs with a grunting whoosh.

Spots danced before his eyes, pain lancing through his ribs and hip; but he was rolling, trying to put distance between himself and his assailant. His movements were clumsy though, as he fought to breathe.

The big man closed the distance in two strides, hands effortlessly gripping onto him and flipping him onto his back; likely sure that the fight was almost over.

But Liu Sang was used to being underestimated.

When the stranger leaned in to get a firmer hold on him, Liu Sang lashed out; driving the heel of his hand into the man’s nose, feeling a satisfying crunch of cartilage.

The attacker bellowed in anger and pain; reeling back momentarily and Liu Sang tried to scramble to his feet.

“Scrappy little thing aren’t ya?” the man asked, wiping blood from his face as he moved in again.

Liu Sang still didn’t understand the words; and besides he was sa bit too preoccupied by the fact that he’d still not managed to get a full breath. He made it to a wavery standing position … perfectly in time for a far larger and stronger hand to be driven into his face; sending him back to the ground, tasting the coppery taste of blood as it filled his mouth. The eyeglasses that had survived the encounter with the table went flying somewhere that Liu Sang couldn’t be bothered to notice at the moment.

“You should stay down if you know what’s good for you.”

The words were more gibberish to Liu Sang, and though his head was ringing; he was already pushing himself to his hands and knees.

A heavily booted foot kicked him in the side; driving the air out of him again and Liu Sang dropped to his belly gagging and straining for oxygen.

Fingers curled into his hair, a lot of which had pulled free of the hair tie securing it back. Liu Sang’s vision was already hazy as his head was hauled back painfully. Then all he could see was a powerful fist filling his vision and the world went black.

***

The sounds filtering into Liu Sang’s awareness were distorted at first; his brain still working on unscrambling itself.

Then bits and pieces of a conversation in thickly accented mandarin began to reach him, accompanied by the slow registering of pains.

Every breath was painful, his ribs hurting the worst of anything else; but there were other pains, like the cords biting into his wrists and securing him to the heavy frame of his bed.

“Well put me through to him, you idiot; the boss is going to want this news personally.”

The voice in the other room raised fractionally, though Liu Sang could tell from the tone that the man was trying and failing to keep hushed.

So … this person knew about his ability; though clearly not well enough.

Liu Sang flexed his wrists, testing the bindings pinning them behind him. He winced a bit as the rough material bit into his skin, but he continued straining regardless; trying to listen as he worked to loosen the cordage.

“We got him.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I got confirmation from the one we got planted near that stuck up Xie cunt. He’s definitely the one they used on that last job.”

Liu Sang paused in his struggles, closing his eyes and focusing; trying to focus in enough to catch the conversation on the other line.

“Bring him to me,” came the rather unsettling words.

 “I didn’t exactly come prepared to transport live cargo. Especially not if you’re looking to keep the nine from getting wind of this anytime soon,” was the more distinct reply.

There was a pause on the other line.

“I’ll send some people,” the muffled voice crackled through the speaker of the goon’s cellphone.

There was a quiet key tone as the call was ended and heavy footsteps approaching the room.

Liu Sang quickly forced his body to go as limp as he could manage, dropping his chin to his chest as he closed his eyes.

The bedroom door opened and the footsteps entered alone with all of the other sounds that Liu Sang’s hypersensitive ears could distinguish.

He could almost picture the man’s bulk looming over him, then shifting to a knee next to him.

The man grabbed his chin, raising his face and Liu Sang had to work to resist the urge to jerk away at the skeevy feeling of a stranger touching him.

Thankfully the touch was only brief and he let his head droop bonelessly.

He heard the rustle of fabric on fabric … a movement; and then the rush of wind around a fast moving appendage that would have been inaudible to anyone else.

A fist connected with Liu Sang’s belly and his asleep act vanished in a gasp and groan of pain as he tried to double over.

“That’s for the nose,” the merc said in mandarin, straightening.

Panting with pain, Liu Sang still managed to glare up at the man with every ounce of heat he could manage.

“Tough guy huh? Good luck keeping that up once they get you back to The Family,” the man said as he left the room and closed the door behind him.

A chill went up and down Liu Sang’s spine.

He didn’t know much about the rumored 10^th family, but he’d heard the whispers. Better yet, he’d encountered people who might have been working for that very group on one terrifying night in Tamutuo.

And the mysterious group had been about as much of a scary story as Tamutuo’s tendency to eat expedition groups. When people went mysteriously missing or wound up dead, if they had any relation to The Old Nine Clans, it was the 10^th family that most often got attributed with the blame.

The situation was even worse than he had feared.

Liu Sang had to take a few calming breaths to still the flutter of panic in his middle enough to turn his focus to more productive things.

Closing his eyes again, Liu Sang focused on the ropes binding him to the unyielding bedframe; zeroing in on the sound of how they intertwined when he shifted his wrists a little, trying to pick out the type of knot that he was dealing with.

As the moments ticked, he worked; ignoring when his wrists began to bleed as his persistent shifting and manipulating of the cord chafed them raw.

The sound of the front door to his apartment closing jarred his intent focus away from the task for a moment; and Liu Sang became a statue as he turned that intent focus to the rooms outside his.

The mercenary was gone.

Apparently he’d stepped out for a minute, maybe to bring up the persons that were coming to ship the ‘live cargo’.

Liu Sang attacked the knot with a mixed desperation and hope.

There!

The knot gave just a little … just enough.

Liu Sang hissed through his teeth as he pulled his hands free, but there was no time for waiting to nurse his pains.

He practically ran to the front door, paused to listen for a handful of seconds, then bolted through; making a beeline for the stairwell instead of the elevator.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Liu Sang’s mind was already steps ahead.

He needed to call for help; and the local PD was not going to cut it.

His mind went to his backpack and the cellphone inside, but he immediately discarded the notion of it. He shouldn’t have something trackable like that, and he knew the number he was going to call by heart.

Pausing ever so briefly at the stairwell exit to listen again; Liu Sang bolted out into the outside world he’d been so relieved to escape from just a short time before.

There, across the lot was the tell-tale bulbous yellow whether shield with the nearly obsolete public phone.

Sprinting the distance, he very nearly had to double over as the pain of injured ribs protested the heavy breathing; but Liu Sang squinted through the pain-blurred vision at the keypad.

As his finger poised over the numbered buttons, his mind went temporarily blank …

“Come on …” Liu Sang shook his head. “You know this.”

He jabbed the numbers, messing up and having to start over twice as he placed the collect call.

Over 700 miles away a phone began to ring.

Lifting the receiver to his ear, Xie Yuchen listened as his secretary said “There is a collect call from someone in Shanghai, says it’s urgent but he wouldn’t give his name. Said he would only speak to you.”

One of Xie Yuchen’s eyebrows arched with interest as he calmly intoned, “Put him through.”

The line connected.

“This is Xie Yuchen,” he said.

There was a moments silence and then a breathless voice was gasping out words all on top of each other.

“Oh, thank god … it … its Liu Sang. The … the 10^th family …” Liu Sang had to pause to get a deeper breath of air. “I can’t stay long, they’re after me. I need help.”

Xie Yuchen grabbed a waiting pen and used the nearest bit of paper.

“Where are you at? I’ll send help right away,” Xie Yuchen said.

A nondescript van that could have been owned by any utility or cleaning company ever was pulling into the parking lot and up to the apartment building’s entrance. Even the persons climbing out of it were dressed in coveralls as if they were there to do some work; but a impressively sized man came bursting through the building’s door, gesturing to said men with agitated motions.

Liu Sang felt like a deer in the headlights as that man scanned … looking for him, finding him, pointing.

“Nanami Noodle!” Liu Sang spat the nearest unique landmark he could think of. “Have them meet me there!”

The line didn’t go dead, but the sound of the receiver impacting hard things as it swung haphazardly where it had been dropped could be heard; followed by a rapid crescendo and decrescendo of angry voices as they passed by.

Xie Yuchen’s handsome features held a distinct grimness as he cut off the call and buzzed his secretary’s line.

“I need you to get a trace on that pay phone for me.”

“Right away boss,” came the immediate reply.

Hanging up the business phone, Xie Yuchen pulled his personal cellphone from his pocket.

***

 In spite of himself, Hei Xiazi couldn’t help a periodic glance over his shoulder.

They were all packed back into Viki once more; finally leaving the winding mountain roads behind as they headed towards civilization … and a hospital for Wu Xie.

Because of course the kid had gone and gotten himself hurt.

Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling were both seated on the couch at the rear of vehicle, propping each other up and completely dead to the world.

Because of course Zhang Qiling had exhausted himself to get Wu Xie back safely.

“They really do make a pair. One can’t seem to avoid trouble in spite of his lucky reputation; and the other seems duty bound to get him out of it,” Pangzi observed, noticing the ‘surreptitious’ glances.

He noticed the way Hei Xiazi grimaced and deliberately turned his gaze out the window.

Pangzi’s expression briefly featured commiseration.

The emotional withdraw and tension that he’d witnessed between Xiazi and Zhang Qiling … put there by Hei Xiazi this time … was still very much in effect.

He knew why.

But it was still hard to watch.

“You wanna talk about it?” he offered.

There was a buzz of Hei Xiazi’s phone almost instantly after, and the man pulled it from his pocket without acknowledging Pangzi’s question. He glanced at the screen and felt an unwelcome softening of the hardness he’d been working on cultivating around his heart.

Putting the phone to his ear, Hei Xiazi offered a quick “What?”

Rather than the immediate questioning about the curtness of his tone and Hua’er’s usual attempts to figure out what was wrong as he normally would’ve done, a very different sort of conversation poured out to him in Xie Yuchen’s efficient business-mode manner.

As the gist settled into Hei Xiazi’s brain, a misplaced flood of relief moved through him. “Got it. I’ll get there as absolutely soon as I can,” he said before ending the call.

“What’s up?” Pangzi queried.

Hei Xiazi sighed, relaxing against the seat back as he replied.

“I’ve got to go to Shanghai.”  

Chapter Text

Several hours later, Hei Xiazi found himself seated outside an out of the way mom and pop style noodle shop with an empty bowl of noodles on the table in front of him.

Leaning back in his seat, he let out a contented sort of sigh; relishing in how light and free he felt in this moment.

It had been a while since he’d felt that way …

The past few days especially had begun to make him feel as if he were in a stifling prison.

One could perhaps argue that it was a prison of his own making, considering it was himself locking up his feelings for Zhang Qiling out of fear of being hurt again. And likely the minute he remembered Zhang Qiling or was in the same room with him again he’d be feeling stifled all over again until he let him follow his heart instead of his guarded mind.

But of course, Hei Xiazi wasn’t about to overanalyze his inward motives.

He preferred to lead a much more carefree life, even if most wouldn’t consider tangling with The 10^th Family to be at all a carefree venture.

Letting his eyes briefly skim the crowd of passersby and those coming to and from the noodle shop, Hei Xiazi debated getting another bowl. Afterall, there had been no sign of Liu Sang yet; and considering the lateness of the hour, the kid had likely holed up somewhere for the night already.

Hopefully …

 Hei Xiazi had enough good sense remaining to him to feel a touch of concern; after all he was intimately familiar with what falling into the Wang’s hands could mean.

As he contemplated his empty bowl, Hei Xiazi had almost decided on going for seconds since he was here on Xie Yuchen’s dime anyway; when he heard a sound just barely within the range of his own slightly more sensitive than average hearing.

“Xiazi…”

Hei Xiazi blinked, looking around himself again. There was no way he could have missed a familiar face …

“Xiazi … I’m in the alley …” came the faintest of whispers again.

It had to be Liu Sang. Being audibly gifted himself, the kid was the only one that Hei Xiazi could think of that would come up with this method of contacting him.

With one last ever so slightly regretful glance at his empty noodle bowl, Hei Xiazi pushed back from the table and stood; heading for the alleyway that stretched around back of the shop.

Liu Sang was there, though it was hard to tell at first considering that the young man was swathed in his jacket with his hood pulled up to hide every feature of himself.

“I was starting to think you weren’t coming,” Hei Xiazi commented lightly as he approached the slight figure. “You certainly had me waiting for quite a while.”

“Sorry,” Liu Sang with a bit of a sarcastic bite to the quiet words. “I was a little busy getting some 10^th Family goons off my tail. They’re surprisingly a lot harder to lose then the average grunt.”

“Well at least you managed to lose them, that’s more than most can say to be fair,” Hei Xiazi said, giving Liu Sang a clap on the back.

Liu Sang gave a pained grunt, the impact jarring right through him and reminding him acutely of the numerous sore places.  

Hei Xiazi’s brow furrowed slightly. “You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

“I’ll live …” Liu Sang said with just a hint too much breathlessness.

“Is this a go to the hospital level of injured or what?” Hei Xiazi questioned.

“We can’t exactly do that right now regardless; not unless we want to be sitting ducks. And I said I’ll live,” Liu Sang snapped. “Now are we going to stand here till they find us? Because I’ve had enough running for one day.”  

Hei Xiazi chuckled, rather liking the slightly prickly mannerisms. He’d always preferred people with a distinctive personality that they owned, and Liu Sang was certainly not apologetic about being as spicy as ever.

“I took the liberty of getting us a motel room across the street while I was waiting for you to show,” Hei Xiazi said. “Let’s go there and you can get fixed up … and take a shower. You smell like crap.”

“I had to hide in a dumpster,” Liu Sang said with a grimace. “But shouldn’t we be getting the hell out of dodge? Not snoozing a handful of streets over from where those guys were just looking for me?”

“Even if we were able to get a plane ticket right this second, it still wouldn’t probably be for at least the morning,” Hei Xiazi said. “And its not like I used either of our names to book the room. We’ll just lay low until Hua’er can arrange transportation.”

Liu Sang relaxed a little, or at least he didn’t offer further protest; but he tugged his hoodie down over his forehead farther as he followed Hei Xiazi out of the cover of the alley.

“You know you actually look more conspicuous all bundled up like that,” Hei Xiazi commented. “If you look like you are trying to hide something, people are more likely to be curious and you will stick out in their mind more.”

“I think I’d be a bit conspicuous either way at the moment,” Liu Sang grumbled. “Let’s just get to the room and you can make comments on my hiding skills or lack thereof then.”

Hei Xiazi smirked but didn’t say anything more as he led Liu Sang to the modest establishment across the throughfare; bypassing the front desk and lobby and heading straight for the steps up to the room he’d promised.  

Letting them both into the room, Hei Xiazi hit the light switch; illuminating the simple but tidy space.

“There’s only one bed,” Liu Sang commented with dismay.

“They didn’t have a lot of rooms to choose from,” Hei Xiazi said. “And it’s a queen bed. Don’t tell me you’re shy?”

Liu Sang pushed back his hood and shot Hei Xiazi a look as he said, “I’m not shy, I just prefer my own space. But it’s not like I’ll be sleeping much anyway.”

Hei Xiazi had already forgotten the bed bit as he took in the state of the young man’s face. “You weren’t kidding about the ‘still being conspicuous thing’,” he commented.

Liu Sang grimaced, feeling the nasty split through the bottom and top lip at the corner of his mouth and the radiating soreness over part of his mouth and cheek that would likely be a nasty bruise tomorrow. He had another slice right above his eyebrow; and he could feel the itchy stiffness of dried blood on his skin. “You think?” he questioned grimly.

“How ‘bout you hit the showers and I’ll go see if I can find a drug store,” Hei Xiazi suggested. “Have you had anything to eat yet?”

Liu Sang shook his head.

“Then I’ll grab some food too. Sound like a plan?”

Liu Sang gave a noncommittal shrug and a little “Whatever’s fine.” But he was already heading towards the bathroom, unzipping his jacket as he went.  

About a half hour later, Hei Xiazi let himself back into the room with a couple of bags in hand; stopping short at the sight of Liu Sang in a towel.

The kid had his back to the door, and he was craning around a bit trying to get a good look at the already darkening bruising stretching around the back of his ribs in the mirror over the chest of drawers.

Except he wasn’t a kid …

That much at least Hei Xiazi was able to notice and appreciate, the towel riding low on the slender hips providing a clear view of a surprisingly fit and cut torso. In clothes, the guy just looked skinny; but out of them …

“Are you going to stand there gaping the rest of the night?” Liu Sang asked flatly.

Hei Xiazi’s lips twitched in a lopsided smirk as he moved farther into the room to place the baggies on the low table in front of the sofa.

“Are you going to stay in a towel the rest of the night?” Hei Xiazi countered.  

Liu Sang’s look was as flat as the tone. “My clothes still smell like a dumpster, so what else am I supposed to do?”

Hei Xiazi flashed a grin, enjoying the back and forth. “The hotel has self-serve laundry, I think. I’ll take your stuff down for you in a minute,” he said; beginning to unpack the drug store supplies which had some gauze and band aids and salves.

Liu Sang turned away from the mirror and meandered over giving Hei Xiazi a closer a view of a couple of things.

“That is not what a Qilin looks like,” Hei Xiazi noted out loud, his glasses-covered eyes scanning the part lizard, part dragon, morph-looking thing decorating Liu Sang’s chest. That tattoo was unfinished and little more than an amateurish line drawing; but it was pretty clear exactly what it was supposed to be. And it was even more clear, that whoever had done the artwork had never seen the real thing.

Liu Sang’s look was vaguely withering. “To be fair, I had it done before meeting all of you in Tamutuo,” he admitted. “Speaking of Tamutuo, no one ever got back to me on how things turned out …”

The young man didn’t mention specifically what, but Hei Xiazi had a pretty good idea and he grimaced.

It was Hei Xiazi’s turn for his tone to go flat.

“He lost his memories again,” Hei Xiazi kept the words clipped; hoping that Liu Sang would take a hint and not continue on the subject of Zhang Qiling.

The shadow that crossed Liu Sang was briefly more vulnerable than any of his prickly shell had permitted to show through to this point; but the lapse was only brief as he muttered a soft “Oh …”

“Yeah …” Hei Xiazi grunted.

Liu Sang selected a hot n’ cold salve from the small collection of medical supplies and moved off towards the bed, not saying anything else on the topic; for which Hei Xiazi was very grateful.

As Liu Sang began applying the stuff to the worst of his injuries, Hei Xiazi stretched out across the sofa, propping his boot heels on the arm rest; periodically watching, and then noting the struggles to get the gel to places that his fingers couldn’t quite reach.

Finally, Hei Xiazi pushed himself back up from the sofa, moving a few steps towards the bed. “I can help with that if you want. I’m pretty handy with the patching up stuff.”

Liu Sang looked at the man over his shoulder for a moment, then he surrendered the jar of salve.

“Did you get hit by a car or something?” Hei Xiazi asked casually as he began smoothing the cool gel over the dark shadow wrapping the young man’s ribs. “These already look bad, and this bruising hasn’t even come in fully yet.”

“It was just a table,” Liu Sang said. “Well technically it was me that hit the table when that hulking bozo that was waiting for me in my apartment decided it needed demolishing.”

Crouching, Hei Xiazi moved to the dark marring the skin over one slender hip; his finger just brushing the skin there.

Liu Sang gave a little shiver at the touch, but didn’t say anything; even when Hei Xiazi eased the towel down just a little more an that side so he could be thorough.

The young man had said he wasn’t shy … apparently he’d either been telling the truth; or he was very good at acting the part.

Hei Xiazi was touching up the work on Liu Sang’s ribs when he noticed something else.

Beneath the poorly done lines of the tattoo, as if the tattoo was meant to conceal them, were scars.

Burns if Hei Xiazi had to guess; and serious ones if he knew anything about scars … which he did. The clumsy lines of the tattoo made them almost unnoticeable from farther away, and it was only because he was close up now that he could see them now.

He heard Liu Sang swallow softly, and when Hei Xiazi glanced up he realized he’d been caught contemplating what was probably a personal thing if the young man had bothered to try to hide the marks.

Clearing his throat, Hei Xiazi stepped back. “All done. Or at least as done as its going to get. We’ll probably want to take the rest of this with us when we go,” he handed the container over. “I’m going to take your clothes down to wash now. Dinner’s in the takeout bag,” he jabbed a thumb in the direction of the table as if Liu Sang hadn’t seen it before.

Then he bowed out of the situation in typical Xiazi fashion.

***

When Hei Xiazi returned with the freshly washed and dried clothing, Liu Sang was in the bed and fast asleep in spite of his doubts that he’d sleep.

The hair that had darkened with the damp of the shower was soft and wispy now, a bright copper in the room’s light; framing sleep softened features that were lighter than Hei Xiazi’s own but not as fair as Hua’er’s … or Yaba’s.

That last comparison struck Hei Xiazi because he suddenly realized he’d been being drawn by the vulnerability of the young man … the bruises and scars, hidden behind a brave and prickly surface … because some part of him was missing Zhang Qiling.

“Oh, fuck me …” Hei Xiazi muttered; frustrated by himself.

Turning away from the bed, Hei Xiazi turned the room’s light off; and instead of availing himself of the other side of the bed, he sprawled out on the couch again.

It took him a while to relax and it felt as if he’d only just dropped off when a softly hissing voice dragged him from it.

“Xiazi …”

“Xiazi!”

Liu Sang was on his feet, scrambling into the clothing that Hei Xiazi had left for him and staring at the door of their hotel room.

“What?” Hei Xiazi muttered sleepily.

“Shh!” Liu Sang hissed. “There’s people outside our room!”

Hei Xiazi sat up, zeroing on the door now.

There were indeed people out there … trying to be quiet, but shuffling on the carpet a little.

Standing, Hei Xiazi was glad he’d not bothered to do so much as take off his boots as he turned towards the door; intending to advance towards it.

Until he heard a sound that chilled him …

He had no doubt that Liu Sang had heard it too; but he doubted that the young man would recognize the sound.

“Get down!” Hei Xiazi yelled; already throwing himself across the room and into the young man.

The quiet of the night shattered with the ratta-tat-tat of gunfire as bullets ripped their way through the wood of the door, into the glass of mirrors, the sofa, the table. Slamming into the mattress and pillows where Liu Sang had been sleeping a mere couple of minutes before; and tearing into Hei Xiazi’s shoulder just before his momentum carried him and Liu Sang the rest of the way behind the bed.  

Chapter Text

“Fuck …” Hei Xiazi gasped through gritting teeth as he braced himself against the bedframe even as the entire structure shook with the impacts of more bullets. He jerked the side of his leather jacket open slightly, catching sight of blood welling liberally from a neat round hole two inches to the right of his left armpit; and from the feel of searing fire jolting through the entirety of his shoulder and arm, he had a sneaking suspicion the maker of that hole was now firmly lodged in his shoulder blade.

But there were more important things to worry about, like living long enough to get the patching up that mess would need.

Liu Sang was staring at Hei Xiazi wide-eyed even as he had his hands clamped over his ears; cringing with pain with every blast of the weapon, his eyes watering. His heart was racing away in his chest, but the ambient noise cut off even his awareness of internal sounds as he registered that the already dire situation had suddenly become even more desperate.

“What do we do now?!” Liu Sang cried, though he couldn’t even hear his own voice; and wasn’t sure if Hei Xiazi would hear him either.

But Hei Xiazi was making a gesture, pointing towards the bathroom door; so, Liu Sang nodded, trying to shift to a ready position whilst simultaneously keeping his ears covered and keeping low enough so that the bed frame would keep taking the bullets rather than his head.

There was a lull, presumably necessitated for a clip to be reloaded, and Hei Xiazi was off across the space; grabbing a handful of Liu Sang’s jacket and hauling the smaller man along with him.

They’d only just cleared the bathroom doorframe when the second round of shots began; turning the hotel room into splinters and tufts of mattress stuffing.

Hei Xiazi shut the bathroom door to shut out a little of the ruckus, the made a beeline for the window.

“There’s another reason why I chose this room,” Hei Xiazi said, his voice tight with grimly contained pain. “This room has access to the fire escape. Granted you’re supposed to get to it from the balcony; but there’s no way we’d have been able to get to the balcony without getting filled with holes, so we’ll have to make do.”

Shoving up the window, Hei Xiazi kicked out the screen; sending the thing dropping the four stories to the ground. “I hope you’re not afraid of heights,” Hei Xiazi said.

Liu Sang’s ears were still ringing, and Hei Xiazi’s words sounded garbled; but he got the gist … and felt a fist sized lump of dread settle in his gut.

All he said was, “I’m afraid of bullets more.”

“Smart kid,” Hei Xiazi said. “I’ll go first and help you.”

Shimmying over the sill and through the window that wasn’t precisely designed to be crawled through, Hei Xiazi clung to the window frame and the brick of the outside wall; easing until he was more or less standing on the window sill. From there he stepped across onto the metal railing of the fire escape; steadying himself with one hand gripping the bars of the railing the next level up.  

“Come on,” Hei Xiazi directed; stretching out his other hand towards the window for Liu Sang to use instead of the very precarious window ledge.

Liu Sang scooted out onto the window sill, the world below seeming to spin until he forced his eyes away from the distant pavement; closing them briefly, then forcing his attention to Hei Xiazi’s hand.

He got briefly distracted by the blood seeping down the front of the damp resistant leather of Hei Xiazi’s jacket and steeled himself … there wasn’t time for fear right now.

Reaching out, Liu Sang gripped Hei Xiazi’s hand; using it more as balance than leverage as much as possible as he straightened his legs, perching on the window ledge.

Still, he heard Hei Xiazi groaning curses as the weight settled onto his arm and subsequently the injured shoulder; still the man did not falter, even when Liu Sang was forced to shift most of his weight to the hand as he stepped across onto the railing.

Hei Xiazi jumped down onto the landing and Liu Sang did as well, his eyes still wide and his heart still pounding; the adrenaline and all the noisy overwhelm making him feel sick.

The ratta-tat-tat from inside the room ceased, and Hei Xiazi grabbed hold of Liu Sang and started off again; racing down the stairs, and not a moment too soon, because the next instant the balcony door was slid open.

Someone peered out at them, then yelled back to others in the apartment; but Hei Xiazi didn’t slow to get a good look at anyone, just pulling Liu Sang around the nearest corner to put something between them and the gun wielding maniacs.

Once they’d rounded one more corner, Hei Xiazi slowed; because Liu Sang was practically doubling over, his breath sounding ragged.  

“You good?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“You’re asking me that?” Liu Sang asked; wheezing as he pressed his hands to his ribs. “You’re the one who just got shot.”

The sounds of running feet were nearing the end of their alley.

“The car is not much farther,” Hei Xiazi said.

Liu Sang forced himself up straight and put his focus on just putting one foot in front of the other as quickly as he could.

A minute later the car in question came into sight.

“How far behind us are they?” Hei Xiazi asked, moving to the driver’s side.

Liu Sang hurried around to the passenger door even as he tried to focus on hearing over the sound of his own pounding heart and spastic breathing. It didn’t help that his ears still had a faint ringing to them.

“Not far,” Liu Sang said; hearing the click of the lock mechanism and yanking open the door. “And some split off. They might have a vehicle too.”

“Cool …” Hei Xiazi grunted sarcastically as he jumped in and twisted the key in the ignition.

They next minute they were roaring their way out of the alley mouth; finding themselves met by a burst of gunfire that knocked out a tail-light as Hei Xiazi whipped around a bend.

“Good thing this little excursion is being funded by my boyfriend,” Hei Xiazi smirked. “I was about to be real pissed ‘cause this is a rental.”

“Are you really joking at a time like this?” Liu Sang asked; as he tried to wrangle his breathing to a cadence that would make him want to curl in on himself.

“What better time is there to joke then when the situation is stressful?” Hei Xiazi queried in reply.

“Well in this particular moment, I’d think you should be more focused on getting somewhere where you can get medical attention before you bleed out,” Liu Sang up-nodded to visibly blood-slick front of Hei Xiazi’s tank top through the opening of his jacket.

“Actually …” Hei Xiazi’s attention was on the rearview mirror instead. “Right now, I’m more focused on getting away from the bozos behind us; letting his foot go heavy on the gas and speeding up the nearest onramp to the highway.

Liu Sang craned around, watching an SUV gun it after them. “Crap …” he muttered. “I don’t get it. They were supposed to bring me to their boss guy, not shoot me to pieces.”

“Huh?” Hei Xiazi questioned.

“The guy who threw me into a table … I overheard him talking with his boss; and the boss said to bring me in, and that he was sending people to assist with transporting ‘live cargo’.” Liu Sang grimaced at the objectifying term.

“Honestly, the shooting up a motel room doesn’t entirely fit The Family’s MO either,” Hei Xiazi agreed. “Unfortunately, I didn’t think to ask their reasoning for doing so on this occasion.”

“Well, obviously,” Liu Sang shot the man a sideways look. Then he refocused.

“Do you have a first aid kit?” Liu Sang questioned.

“In the duffle bag on the back seat,” Hei Xiazi said, then promptly blinked in surprise as Liu Sang scooted up and over the seat into the back. “What are you doing?” he asked, navigating the light very early morning traffic while simultaneously trying to watch Liu Sang curiously.

“Trying to keep you from bleeding out, that’s what,” Liu Sang said; unzipping the bag and finding the desired item.

Opening the kit, Liu Sang found and opened the first big gauze pad he could find; then, kneeling on the back seat, he reached around front of Hei Xiazi to tug the jacket to the side a bit.

“Fffuuccckkk …” Hei Xiazi breathed; the slight touches reminding him of agony.

“You’re remarkably calm for someone who has a bullet in them,” Liu Sang said. “I’m hoping that means it’s not serious?”

“It’s probably serious,” Hei Xiazi corrected. He gritted his teeth as Liu Sang pressed the gauze into place; holding it firmly against the injury.

“Great …” Liu Sang muttered.

“Hang on,” Hei Xiazi instructed.

“To what?” Liu Sang asked; only to be shifted heavily sideways as Hei Xiazi swerved to put a semi-truck between them and the gradually approaching SUV.

“I don’t know,” Hei Xiazi growled as Liu Sang inadvertently hung onto him to avoid body slamming the car door. “But something else next time.”

“Sorry,” Liu Sang said.

“You should have a seat belt on,” Hei Xiazi muttered.

“Really? That’s what you’re worried about right now?” Liu Sang asked, incredulously. “Bullets aren’t the only thing messing up your rental, you know. Even tough guys only have so much blood in their bodies that they can afford having outside of their bodies.”

“Just gauze isn’t going to cut it anyway,” Hei Xiazi said. “I need the wound packing and clotting stuff.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Liu Sang admitted. “Here’s an idea. How about the guy not currently gushing blood does the driving and you do your own patching up?”

“Seriously?” Hei Xiazi blinked. “You think you can handle this type of driving… not to mention driving stick?”

“It’s certainly better then waiting for you to pass out in the middle of doing the driving,” Liu Sang said.

Hei Xiazi swerved again, and Liu Sang slid half-way across the backseat the opposite direction now.

“Let’s switch,” Hei Xiazi agreed.

Tossing the med kit into the front seat, Liu Sang shimmied back over. Righting himself quickly, he shifted almost as if he were about to climb into Hei Xiazi’s lap; stretching his leg beneath the dash to replace Hei Xiazi’s booted foot on the gas pedal.

“3, 2, 1 …” Hei Xiazi counted down; then they moved as one, Liu Sang sliding over and Hei Xiazi sliding out from under.

Settling into the passenger-side seat, Hei Xiazi scrutinized Liu Sang as the young man took hold of the gear shift; smoothly shifting as he revved, coaxing a little more speed out of the car’s engine. From the sheen of sweat and slightly wide eyes, it was clear that the young man was nervous; but there was a focused and determined quality to him too.

“Speaking of being remarkably calm,” Hei Xiazi said. “What happened to the kid who was so green he didn’t even think to pack his own food rations or camping gear back in Tamutuo?”

Liu Sang scowled. “Just because I skipped boy scout training; doesn’t mean I don’t have other skills you know. Now are you going to sit there talking while you bleed to death or what?”

Hei Xiazi smirked, but he grabbed the first aid kit; shimmying out of his jacket the rest of the way.

Rifling through the kit’s contents, Hei Xiazi found what he was looking for; a pouch with the words Hemostatic Granules written across it in bold letters. Ripping the pouch open with his teeth, Hei Xiazi pulled the strap of his tank top well out of the way before upending the pouch over the bleeding wound.

Half-yelling through his teeth, Hei Xiazi slammed his head back against the head rest a couple of times as a new type of pain joined the rest; still he proceeded to use his fingers to make sure as much of the clotting agent made it into the wound.

Liu Sang glanced sideways with just the hint of commiseration on his features.

“You’re not going to go and do something like dying on me, are you?” Liu Sang asked.

“Why you worried?” Hei Xiazi flashed a smirk.

Liu Sang frowned at him. “Do you have a serious bone in your body?”

“Nope, only funny ones,” Hei Xiazi said, though this phrase came out breathless as he started packing combat-grade quick-clot gauze into the injury in a likely futile attempt to get as much as the internal bleeding staunched at least temporarily. Knowing full well that if the bullet had gone as deeply as he felt it had, then there was little hope of getting it fully remedied.

Liu Sang rolled his eyes, but he only said, “Hold on.”

Hei Xiazi braced himself as Liu Sang gear shifted and wheel-squealed his way across 4 lanes as the SUV tried once again to pull along side them. Once they were no longer careening, Hei Xiazi returned to injury tending; clumsily applying another gauze pad with tape strips he once more tore off with his teeth. Then he leaned back against his seat feeling out of breath and woozy.

A nearly silent bzzzt came from Hei Xiazi’s pocket a couple of times; or at least the sound would have been nearly silent if it had been other persons with more typical hearing in the car.

“Is that a cell phone?” Liu Sang questioned. “Can people trace it?”

“It’s a special cell phone,” Hei Xiazi said. “And the only one who can trace it is Xie Yuchen or someone with the right codes.”

Pulling the device from his pocket, Hei Xiazi connected the call; putting the phone on speaker and balancing it on his lap.

“Either there’s something dreadfully wrong with my geo-positional software, or you aren’t still in the hotel you were planning on spending the night in,” Xie Yuchen’s voice came over the speaker.

“Uh … yeah. Something kinda came up,” Hei Xiazi said. “Someone decided to shoot up that particular hotel; so, we’re on the run a bit right now.”

 “Are you both okay?” Xie Yuchen asked.

“Totally,” Hei Xiazi lied; his voice breathy.

“He got shot,” Liu Sang tattled glibly.

Hei Xiazi scowled. “It’s fine.”

“He’s bleeding a lot,” Liu Sang said. “He needs a hospital; problem is we’re being followed.”

“Yeah, a hospital would be complicated with the 10^th Family being involved,” Xie Yuchen murmured. “Okay… I have your location up on screen. If you can get away from your tail, I can get you to a safehouse I have near you; and I’ll have some of my people meet you there.”

“Awesome …” Hei Xiazi breathed as he drooped a little in spite of his carefree words.

Liu Sang’s sideways glance was concerned now. With a note of determination, he answered Xie Yuchen with a firm “On it.”

With a twist of the wheel, the car careened sideways as horns blared and other drivers had to swerve to avoid them.

The new trajectory carried them back across the lanes they’d crossed earlier and over a landscaped median; fishtailing onto an off ramp on the other side.

Meanwhile, the SUV which hadn’t had time to react was already well past where they could make a turn off, short of reversing in the middle of early morning Shanghai traffic.

“Where the hell did you learn to drive like that?” Hei Xiazi muttered; impressed in spite of himself.

“Long story,” Liu Sang said. “Remind me to tell you sometime once we’re out of this mess.”

Liu Sang drove a little farther, putting more distance between them and where they’d left their pursuers; just to be certain that they were in the clear.

“Okay, where’s this safe house?” Liu Sang asked.

Xie Yuchen acted the part of navigator and Liu Sang drove through the continually lightening city; picking the way through the streets as the Xie clan head directed. Not too long later they were pulling up in front of a modern home set in a neighborhood that was far different from the one Liu Sang resided in.

“That’s some safe house …” Liu Sang said: putting the car in park as he looked at the structure.

Hei Xiazi’s head lolled towards him; blinking blearily at him. “Hmm?” he queried.

“We’re here,” Liu Sang said instead.

“How is he doing?” Xie Yuchen’s voice came through the phone again.

When Hei Xiazi didn’t manage to muster an answer, Liu Sang said “He’s getting pretty out of it.”

“You should get him inside,” Xie Yuchen said. “I have people on the way. Oh … the code for the door is 2357.”

“Okay,” Liu Sang said simply as he picked up the phone from Hei Xiazi’s lap.

“I’ll call you again when my people are about to arrive, so you know its safe to let them in,” Xie Yuchen said.

Disconnecting the call, Liu Sang pocketed the phone; then he got out of the car and moved around to the other side to help Hei Xiazi.

“You’d better still be able to walk,” Liu Sang said as he pulled open the passenger side door. “I don’t know if I can carry you.”

Hei Xiazi half-smirked at him, but his rich healthy color was looking a little washed out; and sweat sheened his skin and soaked his shirt.

“C’mon,” Liu Sang said, grabbing the man’s good arm and hiking it across his slender shoulders.

Hei Xiazi heaved and groaned, but he made it upright; leaning heavily on the slight frame that struggled, but held up under his weight.

“Some rescue party you are,” Liu Sang grumbled. “Seems like I’m doing all the heavy lifting.”

Hei Xiazi smiled, happy with the distraction of the banter; even if the fuzzy state of his thoughts informed him that he probably should be more concerned about himself than he felt.

But then, he had long ago lost count of how many times he’d gotten into seemingly dire straights only to pull through. And this barely counted in comparison to some of the scrapes he’d been in.

Shuffling and inching their way up to the door, Liu Sang plugged in the code and scooted inside with Hei Xiazi in tow.

Making a beeline for the large sofa dominating the living room just beyond the front foyer; Liu Sang eased the man down onto it.

“I guess Xie Yuchen will just have to add upholstery cleaning to the list of travel expenses after this,” Liu Sang commented, looking down at Hei Xiazi draped across the plush cushions. Then, he even went so far as to move one of the pillows under the man’s head.

“I’m going to go get you some water,” Liu Sang said. “Don’t go dying on me before I get back.”

Hei Xiazi nodded, or he was pretty sure he did; though it was little more than a head bob against the pillow as Liu Sang disappeared out of his line of sight.

By the time Liu Sang got back, Hei Xiazi was unconscious, and Liu Sang set the glass on one of the end tables before perching on the ottoman nearby; his knee bouncing anxiously as he looked between Hei Xiazi and the front door by turns.

***   

Hei Xiazi stirred, the movement prompting a soft groan.

He could tell from the feel of things that he likely had pain relievers of some kind in his system but it wasn’t strong enough to keep him from feeling like shit.

“Don’t move around too much or you’ll rip your stitching,” a familiar voice said.

Hei Xiazi pried his eyes open.

He was lying in a bed … a nice one.

“The safe house …” he realized out loud. “I almost forgot.”

His eyes found Liu Sang perched on a chair nearby; looking out of place and uncomfortable.

“Did you forget me having to lug your ass in here?” Liu Sang questioned sourly.

Hei Xiazi grinned.

Liu Sang grimaced at him. “You look like death, but the field medic guy Xie Yuchen sent said you’d live.”

Hei Xiazi nodded, not surprised.

He had a habit of pulling through after all.

“Why did you go and do a stupid thing like risking yourself for me in the first place?” Liu Sang questioned. “You don’t owe me anything.”

Hei Xiazi shrugged and then hissed as the movement shifted his shoulder.

“Dumbass…” Liu Sang muttered.

Hei Xiazi could read the same sort of ‘gruffness to hide emotions’ thing that he himself did written on the young man’s features plain as day; so he just smiled slightly and closed his eyes.

Chapter Text

Wu Xie was seated cross legged on his hospital bed, studying the dark-haired head which was slightly bowed over Wu Xie’s cast covered arm.

“It really is okay, Xiǎogē,” Wu Xie said for the fifth time that morning. “It doesn’t even really hurt that much anymore.”

Now that the ordeal was over and they (i.e. Wu Xie) was safe, Zhang Qiling seemed to feel far more free to express his silent opinions on the matter in a way that he’d not done while dealing with the crisis in the woods. The unhappy furrow between his eyebrows and the grim line of those delicate lips said that the quiet man had a very strong opinion to the contrary.

“It could have been way worse,” Wu Xie continued his apparently futile efforts to console the man. “And if not for you it would have been. Instead, all I have to do is just wear this thing for 6 to 8 weeks and I’ll be good as new.”

Zhang Qiling reached out and brushed a fingertip to another bandage, a band-aid this time; marring Wu Xie’s cheek. There were a number of similar band-aids or bandages made of gauze and tape over the other scrapes and injuries decorating the young man’s skin.

“They will all heal too,” Wu Xie promised. “And, on the plus side, as soon as Pangzi finishes with the paperwork; we’re going to be on our way home.”

“Is this where it starts?” Pangzi himself asked as he reentered the room. “I know Xiǎogē wasn’t inclined to leave your side before; but I wonder if he might not ever let you out of his sight again after this. This is giving me flashbacks of the time you sprained your ankle falling off of the shed but worse.”

“He let me out of his sight last night,” Wu Xie countered the teasing.

“Well, last night was extenuating circumstances,” Pangzi said with a commiserative look towards Zhang Qiling.

The man had done his best to stay by Wu Xie’s side from the moment they’d reached the hospital, even overnight; but he’d ended up having a nightmare that almost turned into a full-blown episode when he woke up surrounded by all the medical sounds, smells, and accoutrement.

That happenstance had necessitated Zhang Qiling’s spending the rest of the night in the camper van instead. But he’d returned as soon as he was not tired enough to risk falling asleep again.

“Anyway, let’s get on the road,” Pangzi said. “I’m sure you both will be happy to have familiar beds tonight. Especially you, Xiǎogē. I know this outing was a bit more stressful on you than we’d planned it to be.”

Zhang Qiling didn’t say anything, and it wasn’t like he’d complained even once; but Wu Xie thought he saw a slight relaxing in the man at the concept of seeing the familiar and safe walls of Wushanju again.

“There’s no place quite like home, huh?” Wu Xie questioned.

And Zhang Qiling murmured a quiet “Mmm.”

On the way out of the clinic, about half-way across the parking lot, Wu Xie’s cellphone began to ring.

“Its Xie Yuchen,” Wu Xie noted out loud as he glanced at the caller id before pressing the button to connect the call. “Wu Xie here,” he announced.

“Wu Xie, good to hear your voice. I was wondering if I would even be able to get you as I understand you were hospital bound after a bit of an accident,” Xie Yuchen’s smooth voice sounded on the other end.

“I’ve already been there,” Wu Xie said. “In fact, we’re just leaving the hospital now.”

“Good, perfect timing then,” Xie Yuchen said warmly. “Actually, that works out perfectly. I was wanting to invite you three over to my home in Beijing, just for a couple of days.”

“Is something up?” Wu Xie asked. “I mean, first you called Xiazi off on a secret mission to Shanghai, and now you’re mysteriously inviting us over.”

“It might be nothing,” Xie Yuchen said. “Just some stirrings involving the 10^th Family that might not have anything to do with you three over at Wushanju; but with Hei Ye tied up elsewhere, I would rather like the peace of mind of having you closer to me and my resources just until I can be sure that there’s not something more afoot.”

Wu Xie felt a chill go through him at the mention of the 10^th Family, and he shot a worried glance towards Zhang Qiling.

“What’s up?” Pangzi queried, not missing the anxious glance and the subject of said glance.

“Xie Yuchen wants us to come to Beijing,” Wu Xie said. “He says that the 10^th Family might be up to something and he wants to look after us until Xiazi can get back.”

Pangzi’s normally carefree features couldn’t quite hide his own concern. “For how long?” he asked.

“A few days …” Wu Xie said non-committedly.

“Maybe a little longer,” Xie Yuchen said, picking up on the conversation. “Just until things I can confirm that things are safe.”

Wu Xie looked to Pangzi and together they both glanced to Zhang Qiling who was his usual, outwardly calm, unruffled self.

“Xiǎogē, do you remember Xie Yuchen’s house? The place we were right before we got back to Wushanju?” Wu Xie asked.

Zhang Qiling’s brow furrowed with brief concentration, and he shrugged slightly.

Wu Xie pursed his lips, consternation writing itself over his face. “I know we were only planning to be away from Wushanju for a couple of days; but do you think you can handle waiting to go back for a little while longer?”

“Is it safer?” Zhang Qiling questioned almost immediately; clearly having gathered the gist of the conversation; even if he likely had no clue who the 10^th Family was, or what type of threat they represented.

“It might be,” Wu Xie said. “But it also might be hard for you. We’ve not really tested much in the way of being out in public with people and new environments since coming back to Wushanju.”

“Safer is better,” Zhang Qiling said simply.

Wu Xie tried to quiet the uneasy feeling that Zhang Qiling was thinking about keeping him safe, especially considering what had just happened; more so than about if he might get overwhelmed and have difficulty.

“We’ll come there for a few days then,” Wu Xie said into the phone; his expression still unsettled.

“Good,” Xie Yuchen said. “I’ve already ordered my private plane to go and collect you. It should be ready and waiting when you get to the airport.”

Wu Xie hung up as they approached the van and Viki welcomed them with the usual door opening fanfare.

“I guess this means that Viki will be having a bit of a staycation at the airport,” Pangzi said as he slid into the driver’s seat; pat-patting the steering wheel almost apologetically.

“I bet we could ask Xie Yuchen to arrange having the van driven back to Wushanju for us maybe,” Wu Xie suggested.

“That’s an idea,” Pangzi noted. “Viki would you let a stranger drive you home?”

The radio buzzed once.

“I think that’s a yes,” Wu Xie said.

“Cool, that way when we’re ready to come home it’s just a hop skip and a jump away,” Pangzi said with a glance towards where Zhang Qiling was joining Wu Xie on the sofa at the rear of the van. “Now, I don’t want you to scare whoever drives you too badly,” Pangzi said; still speaking to the van. “But maybe just a little.”

Wu Xie didn’t even muster his usual scolding about how encouraging Viki to scare anyone at all was a bit mean as he settled into place; his features scrunched up with worried contemplation.

Zhang Qiling also settled, though he didn’t immediately tuck himself into the corner of the sofa. Instead, he reached out and poked the scrunch lines on Wu Xie’s forehead with quiet “Why?”

“Why am I worrying?” Wu Xie asked, blushing a little.

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling murmured the affirmative.

“Well … partly because I don’t ever want the 10^th Family to put you in danger again. They’re the ones who sent you to the place you have so many nightmares about. And they’re the reason you lost your memories in the first place. But its not just about them. I want you to be safe physically, but I also want you to be okay. And it’s only been a month since you’ve been doing as well as you have been, which I think is largely because of how safe you feel at Wushanju; and I don’t want to mess anything up.”

“Wǒ méishì (I am fine),” Zhang Qiling murmured.

Wu Xie’s look was appreciative; knowing the man was trying to reassure him. But, he was still unsure of how much that Zhang Qiling grasped; especially if the man didn’t really remember being at Xie Yuchen’s all that well, or how differently his brain and body had responded to stimuli while surrounded by a less familiar environment.

Wu Xie didn’t realize his features were betraying his worries again until Zhang Qiling cupped his jaw with his hands to steady him, then leaned in to kiss the worried furrows.

Wu Xie blinked, then blushed in earnest; touched and finally distracted by the gesture.  

Chapter Text

The Zhang Qiling who stepped aboard Xie Yuchen’s personal aircraft on this particular rainy October day was indeed quite different than the version who had last boarded it; or perhaps it was more true to say that he was more aware, more able to take in the details that had been too overwhelming for his system to even allow them to do more then register dimly in the background.

Now though, with a month of establishing something of a foundation for himself in the nurturing environment within the more limited world of Wushanju; his mind was more receptive, the openness that had begun blossoming in the safe confinement of the familiar now beginning to show itself shyly as he ventured from the camper van and up the boarding steps onto the plane under the very watchful eyes of his two friends.

“You should probably sit down and get buckled in, Xiǎogē,” Wu Xie said; slowly beginning to relax as he watched Zhang Qiling slowly advance farther into the planes interior, his fingers trailing slowly along the different surfaces. The curiosity was plain, even if it was accompanied by a hint of caution; the inquisitiveness of a healing mind that was ready to experience the world tempered slightly by the somewhat daunting amount of newness to take in.

Pangzi was watching and any nervousness that he might have been experiencing on the man’s behalf had melted into a proud grin.

Zhang Qiling paused his meandering stroll to look back at where Pangzi and Wu Xie were getting settled into the seats occupying the forward portion of the cabin. Slowly, he turned away from his exploration; making his way back to them. He took the seat opposite Wu Xie’s and followed the young man’s example of pulling the seatbelt across his lap and tightening it.

“Perfect,” Wu Xie said with one of his bright smiles that prompted a tiny pleased one of Zhang Qiling’s own.

The pilot went through the usual checks and began to taxi to the runway for private aircraft.

Zhang Qiling’s attention drifted to the window, watching avidly as the ground fell away; while Wu Xie and Pangzi were watching him with an equivalent intensity and enjoyment.

When the fasten seatbelts light went off, Zhang Qiling was up again pretty quickly; going back to exploring and making sure to get a view of the outside from every available window.

“I wonder if this is what having a kid is like for parents,” Pangzi murmured to Wu Xie. “Getting to see the world through their brand-new eyes. It’s probably why they start going all out for holidays and all the things that had become old hat before.”

Wu Xie wrinkled his nose slightly, not quite identifying with the seeing Zhang Qiling as a kid part of the analogy for somewhat obvious reasons. But he agreed with the sentiment “Its fascinating to watch him relearn it all,” Wu Xie said with equal softness. “And to see him be so open to things like wonder after everything he’s been through …”

“It’s enough to make a grown man cry,” Pangzi finished for the younger man with a smile for the moisture in the big brown eyes.    

 Of course, after Zhang Qiling was content with his exploration; he curled up in the seat nearest to Wu Xie and napped for the remainder of the flight.

***

As Wu Xie, Pangzi, and Zhang Qiling disembarked outside the private aircraft terminal in Beijing however, there was a shift that was denoted almost immediately as they came in sight of their waiting entourage.

Zhang Qiling tugged the hood of his black hoodie up over his head as soon as his feet hit the tarmac; an action that was practically a signal flare to those that knew him. With that singular gesture Zhang Qiling had more or less announced that he was either getting a bit too much input or … that he was picking up on something that made him uneasy or at least somewhat guarded.

It was Xie Yuchen himself who greeted them. He had a large unmarked SUV waiting with a driver, and there was another car with four armed men to follow.

“Is it really that serious?” Wu Xie asked, being dragged right back to earth at the evidence of an unfamiliarly dangerous situation.

“Hopefully not,” Xie Yuchen said. “But I’d rather be overcautious then underprepared. I hope you won’t let worries spoil your time with me though. It isn’t likely that ‘they’ will be overt when they have only survived so long as a result of their mastery of secrecy. Besides, a direct attack would only start a war with The Nine; and even if the nine families aren’t as powerful as they once were, they are a force to be reckoned with as a unified group.”

“For now, though, let’s focus on more pleasant things,” Xie Yuchen changed the subject deliberately. “I know you’ve all had an eventful few days and could probably use the rest of today at least just to recuperate and regroup; so let’s leave business chatter until tomorrow at the earliest.” He motioned them towards the open door of the SUV; waiting for them all to embark before reentering the vehicle himself.

Wu Xie didn’t miss the slightly analytical way that Xie Yuchen briefly gave Zhang Qiling a once over as the hooded and silent man climbed in right before he did; and the look gave him an odd feeling, not entirely sure he liked business mode Xie Yuchen when it came to Zhang Qiling.

The man had once promised that if his and the Xie Clan’s interests clashed with keeping Zhang Qiling safe that he would still choose what was best for his clan. He’d even directly implied that he might actively put Zhang Qiling and Zhang Qiling’s interests in danger if it were for his clan’s good.

Obviously, it would have to be a dire situation indeed for that to be an option; especially considering Xie Yuchen’s more than generous efforts to go the extra mile to do the exact opposite. But the weighing look as if to check how reliable of a chess piece Zhang Qiling might be in his game of the politics and intrigues with the rest of The Nine and the infamous 10^th Family was not the most reassuring thing.

Thankfully, business mode didn’t last far beyond the moment Xie Yuchen and the trio had passed through the front doors of the young man’s lovely home.

“Please, make yourselves at home,” Xie Yuchen said with far more of the warmth that they’d all come to expect from their generous host. “The rooms from your last visit are at your disposal as well as any of the amenities. I still have some things to take care of; but hopefully I will be free in time to join you all for dinner if that is agreeable to all involved.”

And just as quickly the Xie Clan head was gone; quite literally leaving them to their own devices for the afternoon.

“Wu Xie, are you getting that shadowy mural feeling by chance?” Pangzi questioned.

“A bit, yeah,” Wu Xie said. “It suddenly feels like there is a lot going on, but we are out of the loop. Normally I’m glad about how much we don’t get dragged into the Mystic Nine drama; but I kind of wonder if remaining so much on the periphery is the smart thing to do.”

“I’m inclined to agree, much as I also have grown fond of our blissfully ignorant status,” Pangzi said. “It might be worth asking Xie Yuchen some thorough questions when we get back around to discussing business.”

“But first things first,” Wu Xie said, his attention getting easily distracted by their quiet and still hooded companion. “Are you doing okay, Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie asked.

The matter-of-factness of Zhang Qiling’s soft-spoken “Mmm,” went a long way towards easing Wu Xie’s fears that the man might have been getting overwhelmed.

Wu Xie smiled. “Let’s see what we can do about showers and finding a way to launder all of our clothes since we’ve not had a chance to wash them while we were camping. Then we can just be easy and relax and maybe come up with some questions to ask later so we’re not so in the dark about everything that’s going on.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Pangzi agreed.

Zhang Qiling just nodded; apparently content to follow his friends’ lead.

Chapter Text

“Let’s see here…” Pangzi mused aloud as he crouched at the beverage sideboard in Xie Yuchen’s living room. “What do you want, Wu Xie? I’m feeling creative so I’ll make something fun if you want it.”

“Are there any wine coolers?” Wu Xie asked from where he was sprawled on the couch with Zhang Qiling who was more tidily tucked into a corner. “If there are, I’ll take one of those.”

“So boring,” Pangzi complained, though he complied. “Xiǎogē, how ‘bout you? Now’s your chance to experiment with your newly discovered taste for the big boy drinks.”

“Nothing too strong,” Wu Xie warned. “We’ve finally got his digestion to a pretty good place. The last thing he needs is to make himself sick.”  

“I’ll be conservative with the alcohol,” Pangzi promised. “So, what’d yah say, Xiǎogē?”

Of course, Zhang Qiling shrugged, because he didn’t really have a reference point besides the straight whiskey that he’d tried with Hei Xiazi.

“Want me to concoct something I think you’ll like?” Pangzi asked.

This time Pangzi got a nod and he grinned. “Okay!” he thrilled. “I think I have everything I need … yep. I’ve got just the thing!”

Wu Xie had his head cushioned on a decorative pillow very near to Zhang Qiling’s thigh; the perfect position to be able to just raise his eyes and see the man’s handsome face … and sometimes catch those onyx eyes already looking down at him. In his hands he had a fancy booklet/flyer of unique artifacts that had caught his eye amongst the other reading material on the coffee table; but his progress through it had been slow as a direct result of the eye candy distracting him.  

Forcing himself to refocus, Wu Xie turned the glossy page to the next professionally photographed item complete with an article blurb of the object’s history, cultural significance, and the hands it had passed through over the years. He skimmed the words slowly, only half paying attention as the sounds of Pangzi happily playing mixologist made him smile.

“And there we have it!” Pangzi crowed, moving towards the couch with his beverage masterpiece in hand. “I give you a classic piña colada…”

The over-the-top announcement faltered on Pangzi’s tongue; a very differently toned and almost cautiously questioning “Xiǎogē?” following on its heels.

Wu Xie immediately raised his eyes from the page in front of him to Zhang Qiling’s face, finding an expression that was a good deal like some that Wu Xie had witnessed before. The man’s attention was fixated on the magazine in Wu Xie’s hands, zeroing in on the current image of a jadeite dragon; and his face wore a look that Wu Xie had seen during other times when Zhang Qiling had come face to face with a part of his distant and inexplicable past.

There was no evidence of fear this time around; but there was definitely a sort of confusion and inner wrestling with a familiarity that had no business being familiar.

((Like this, except instead of being made of dragon fish or whatever it says in the show; it just looks like a dragon but the scales are etched like bird feathers. And instead of the dragon stepping on a three headed ghost, its stepping on a deformed snake-looking thing))

“Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie echoed Pangzi’s question; scooting up and around so that he was seated next to Zhang Qiling instead. “Is this familiar?” he folded the booklet open to the page the man had been drawn to; offering it to him.

“What is it?” Pangzi asked.

“The book or the picture?” Wu Xie questioned.

“Both I guess.”

“The book is an auction brochure for the Xin Yue Hotel,” Wu Xie said. “One comes to the shop whenever the big wigs there hold an auction. I’ve never been, mostly because the stuff they auction tends to go at a price point way beyond my budget. As for the picture …”

Zhang Qiling was still rapt, having not responded to either quiet query as he reached out to brush his fingertips to the picture as if it might help to prompt the memories hidden just beyond grasp to reveal themselves.

“It’s a Jadeite Dragon Seal, or at least that’s what the description says,” Wu Xie answered. “Oddly enough, it’s the only item so far that doesn’t list who has put it up for auction. It is supposedly hundreds of years old; but no one knows precisely how old. And rumor at least seems to indicate that it is a key of some kind that is supposed to reveal the path to some ancient and valuable treasure.”

“If its hundreds of years old,” Pangzi surmised “Might it possibly line up with that civilization you keep going on about? The one that Xiǎogē has so many strange ties to?”

Wu Xie was looking from the picture to Zhang Qiling and back. “Who knows. At this point if Zhang Qiling recognizes it, this is no mere coincidence that’s for sure. One thing is for certain though.” Wu Xie’s voice and expression had grown firm and determined.

“What?” Pangzi questioned.

“I don’t know how yet, but somehow we are going to find a way to let Xiǎogē see that dragon up close and personal.”   

Chapter Text

The world was white and swirling; the wind cold enough to slice through every protective layer of clothing and his flesh alike, seeming to be trying to reach down to his bones.

Even his bones felt cold and brittle, and he felt that he might shatter.

No one else had climbed this high.

It was suicide …

And yet he had felt compelled to try.

For as long as he could remember, the mountain had seemed to call to him – a lodestone to his soul; its pull a constant presence from his earliest memories.

It had filled his dreams and his waking moments, and he knew … he’d always known … that when his turn came to test himself on the lower peaks of that mountain as the other members of his tribe did when they came of age – He would go where none of the others had ever gone before.

He would go to the sacred pinnacle.

He would climb to the highest point of that Holy Mountain.

Even if it killed him.

Now, death seemed imminent; but the goal of his life had been accomplished.

It was a shame that the weather was so bad.

He would have liked to be able to see the splendor of it in the sunlight.

Tears of regret stung his eyes, freezing on his eyelashes as soon as they touched the air.

But it was not his choice to come here or the death that he regretted, even with him being so young – only 19.  

He only regretted not being permitted to see the glory of the mountain one last time before he died.

His knees buckled, dropping him into the snow; and this time his reflexes failed him. The strength of his young body and all of its vibrance seemed to be draining away, and when he tried to force himself to stand; he found that he could not.

He could hardly remember a time when he had asked something of his body; and it had been utterly unable to obey him.

He supposed it did not matter now; he was only grateful that it had striven long and hard enough to see him to the fulfillment of his singular driving purpose.

It was okay for it to rest at last, now that he had reached the end.

With a feeble struggle, he managed to shift over onto his back so that his face was not buried in the snow. Not that it made any difference … the world nearly as white above as below.

He would die with his face to the sky that had filled him so often with wonder, even if right now he could not see it.

Weariness dragged at him.

He felt more weary than he could ever remember through all the strain and efforts, and yes pains, of his years of training. It was a weariness unto death this time, and he knew he would never again stand on his own two feet or feel the pride and confidence in his cultivated strength on which he and the weak and feeble of his tribe could depend.  

But even now, he could not bring himself to think that the cost had been too great.

His eyes fluttered closed, even the strength required to keep them open was beyond his grasp.

Something like a quiet thrill and a prayer came from his heart.

The mountain had called and his soul had answered.

And he had been steadfast and true to that calling to the very last.

Everything had begun to fade then, the cold growing distant, and darkness closing in more and more.

Just as the last dregs of life seemed to seep from him, warmth came; flooding him like a fire igniting in his veins. Warmth like a gust of hot breath swirled around him seeming to catch him up from the clinging snow; as it blew away the gusting chill and thick clouds.

Sunlight burst forth upon the mountain even as new life and strength swelled and burst forth within him; banishing the ice that had seeped into his bones.

The peak shone and glittered in the sunlight; the vista stretching out below the crown of snowy peaks that made up the singular mountain was illuminated in a brilliance fit to dazzle the eyes.

Set upon his feet once more, he had barely the space to begin to wonder at it all when a wonder greater still revealed itself to his eyes as a creature all blue and gold with scales and feathers alighted in the snow before him.

“Little One,” it seemed to purr, though the sounds were deep and powerful; resonating through every fiber of his being. “It is time to remember!”

***

Zhang Qiling gasped his way awake, sitting straight upright in his bed in the room that Xie Yuchen had provided for him. His eyes were wide, his breathing taking a while to calm; but though he’d woken in a similar fashion so many times before this, it was not so much fear as wonder and confusion that jolted through him this time as his mind wrangled with the strangeness of the dream.

Had it been a dream?

It was all so vivid… so viscerally poignant as if some part of him knew that there was something so very important that he had forgotten.

Knowing that more sleep would be impossible in the face of the dream and its strangeness, Zhang Qiling slipped out of bed in the early morning darkness.

Chapter Text

Wu Xie wasn’t entirely sure what had wakened him which seemed to have become a running theme ever since Zhang Qiling had entered his life.

It was early. He knew as much before he’d even opened his eyes; because his room which let in an abundance of natural light was still quite dim. How early didn’t really matter though when his mind was immediately focused on wondering where Zhang Qiling was and if he was doing okay; a clue that he’d begun to recognize as that slowly strengthening sensitivity towards the man informing him that something was up that his conscious mind hadn’t quite caught up with yet.

It was that same subconscious prompting that pulled him to the window of his room that looked out onto the walled in back yard where he saw Zhang Qiling himself sitting cross legged in the bit of thick grass near the pool. The man’s head was craned back, his eyes fixed on the gradually lightening sky.

Wrapping a dressing gown around himself, Wu Xie left his own room and made a beeline for the stairs; heading through the extensive ground floor gardens to the back door and the yard beyond.

Zhang Qiling seemed aware of him instantly; letting himself be distracted from his reverie by the arrival, his dark eyes seeking Wu Xie’s brown ones as a tiny smile of welcome touched his lips.

((What the open and untroubled Zhang Qiling expression looks like, complete with the little smile :D ))

“Xiǎogē …” Wu Xie breathed, his worries melting into smiles as he saw that Zhang Qiling looked rested and didn’t appear to be overtly wrangling with anything; the gaze clear of shadows. “Did you sleep okay?” he still asked; because it was his self-appointed job to make sure the man was healthy and well in mind and body as much as possible as far as he was concerned.

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling murmured.

“You’re up a lot earlier than usual,” Wu Xie commented, trying to prompt gently in case there was anything the reserved man might decide he wanted to share.

“I had a dream,” Zhang Qiling said quietly, his mannerisms lacking any of the hesitance that there sometimes was if he’d had a particularly bad dream that stuck with him rather than fading once he woke.

“A bad dream?” Wu Xie questioned with immediate sympathy anyway.

Zhang Qiling shook his head, his open expression showing no hint of being troubled as he met Wu Xie’s studying gaze.

“A new dream…” he said, though he frowned fractionally as he amended “Or an old one. Its …”

“Complicated?” Wu Xie guessed.

Zhang Qiling nodded.

Wu Xie wanted to ask for Zhang Qiling to tell him about it; but he was making an effort to stop doing that when it came to private things like the inner workings of the man’s mind and heart. He knew that Zhang Qiling liked to make him happy, and Wu Xie was afraid that sometime he shared even if he didn’t really want to; simply because Wu Xie had expressed the desire to know.

So, Wu Xie just moved to a seat on the grass next to Zhang Qiling; offering his companionable presence.

Instead of saying anything at first, Zhang Qiling took Wu Xie’s hand; shifting their hands together so that they rested palm to palm and then fingertip to fingertip as he silently studied them as if they were the most fascinating things in his existence in this moment.

Wu Xie was content to watch Zhang Qiling; letting him play with his hand.

Just as he had been lulled into a certainty that Zhang Qiling wasn’t going to say anything more on the subject of what was going on in that head of his; Zhang Qiling spoke.

“I want to remember …”

The words were practically a whisper, but there was an earnestness of desire in them; and the fact that he’d bothered to say them at all when he said so few things was a good indication of how strongly he meant the words.

“What do you want to remember?” Wu Xie prompted gently.

“Who I am …” Zhang Qiling said. “Why I am …”

The man’s eyebrows drew down over his onyx eyes with a sort of grim determination.

Wu Xie had seen that expression a number of times … the sort of look that seemed to say “I am Zhang Qiling and I will do a thing no matter how difficult it is simply because I am who I am and I will make it so.”

“You will help me?” The words came out like a question; but Zhang Qiling’s eyes held confidence.

“In any and every way that I can,” Wu Xie promised fervently.

Zhang Qiling stopped fiddling with Wu Xie’s fingers and instead intertwined them with his own as he gave a little nod and smile. Then he craned his head back again to look at the sky and Wu Xie followed suit; watching the sunrise, contented to be at his side.

***

Wu Xie, Pangzi, and Zhang Qiling stood at the bottom of the long staircase; looking up it towards the beautiful and currently somewhat intimidating Xin Yue Hotel.

They were all dressed to the nines, excepting Zhang Qiling. But even Zhang Qiling’s hoodie was pristine and carefully pressed, and it was one of the nice ones that Wu Xie had gotten him; though anything resembling weapons or metallic had been removed per the thorough instructions that they had received from Xie Yuchen.

There had been some debate about getting Zhang Qiling dressed up as well, like he had been the first time. But considering this was to be his first venture into a busy public setting, and also considering that having him be more incognito might actually be beneficial this time; it had been decided to let him go in things he was comfortable in, and Xie Yuchen had even suggested letting it be supposed that he was simply some sort of attendant or body guard on this excursion.

“The well-to-do who are used to having such entourages around will largely write him off and hardly notice him in that case,” the young man had said. “And short of having him stay at the house, that is possibly the next best thing.”

Wu Xie had almost pushed the issue of having Zhang Qiling stay at Xie Yuchen’s home without them for the sake of his safety and mental well-being; but even if Zhang Qiling hadn’t expressed a strong dislike of that idea, it would be necessary to have him present if they did somehow manage a hands-on encounter with The Jadeite Dragon Seal – a feat that Wu Xie still did not know how they were going to pull off.

“Why couldn’t Xie Yuchen invite us to go with him to the auction again?” Pangzi questioned at Wu Xie’s elbow; very nearly making the slightly anxious young man jump. “He is the head of a house himself. And he said the heads of a clan could bring guests.”

“I don’t know,” Wu Xie admitted. “But he already went through all the trouble to get us in on the ground floor as it is; and with how generous he has been in so many other ways, I didn’t feel comfortable asking for another favor if he wasn’t inclined to invite us on his own.”

“Not that I want to call Xie Yuchen’s character into question or anything,” Pangzi continued. “Like you said, he has been generous; but these past several days he’s been absent so much and made so many excuses about why he’s not had a chance to hold a single actually informative conversation with us that I’m beginning to think something just a tad shady is going on if I am totally honest.”

Wu Xie grimaced, not fond of how a part of him agreed with the sentiment that had only grown ever since the young head of the Xie Clan had met them at the airport. The questions he’d purposed to ask about the situation with the 10^th Family and everything else had kept getting pushed back again and again and were still unanswered.

But he wouldn’t be Wu Xie if he didn’t at least try to give the benefit of the doubt.

“He has been incredibly busy,” Wu Xie said. “What with handling things in Shanghai, getting us at least into the Auction, and doing all of his usual clan head things; maybe that’s really all it is.”

He knew he didn’t sound convincing, even to himself.

“Even after all this time, you’re still too innocent for your own good, Tianzhen,” Pangzi said; clapping Wu Xie on the back. “Shall we go in and see what sort of situation we’re dealing with?”

Wu Xie tugged his sleeve over his cast a little more than nodded. “Let’s go.”

Chapter Text

Wu Xie had always been fascinated with the concept of how one’s life could be forever altered in just a matter of minutes.

In his 26 years of life, he now had a few of those such moments to think of … many of which had to do with Zhang Qiling for obvious reasons.

And now he had another one to add to the pile.

Who knew, that in just a couple of hours his life would have become such a god-awful mess?

“We are totally going to jail,” Wu Xie said, scrubbing a hand over his face as he watched Pangzi pace across the floor.

The trio was no longer in front of the Xin Yue Hotel or in the hotel; instead they were in a little used warehouse not too far from the Hotel proper, trying to decide what their next move was supposed to be.

Or at least Wu Xie and Pangzi were trying to decide while Zhang Qiling just sat quietly, waiting for their verdict.

“That’s assuming we don’t just get killed outright,” Pangzi said. “The owners of that hotel don’t mess around; and aren’t above taking things into their own hands from what I hear. And who would have thought that everyone and their mother would come out of the woodwork; wanting to get their hands on a random Jadeite Dragon Seal. Surely, they don’t all think that the so-called treasure it’s supposed to point to is real. I mean seriously!”

“From the way Liu Li Sun’s cronies came to steal the seal off of us, I’m inclined to think he believes it,” Wu Xie said with a grimace. His arm still hurt from having to bonk one of the seedy guards over the head with his cast when they’d come after him with a metal pipe.

“That’s the other thing,” Pangzi said. “We’re obviously not dealing with just the Hotel’s owners. Apparently, there are a lot of people who wouldn’t mind getting their hands dirty in order to get ahold of that thing if they can do so without being too overt. Xiǎogē might have been able to get us out to start with; but he can’t fight off everyone if they just keep coming to steal the thing off our dead bodies.”

Wu Xie glanced to Zhang Qiling who was sitting on a bulky wood crate, studying the slightly lowered eyelids hiding whatever mysteries those dark eyes held behind them.

The man had been silent in the way that just felt silent from almost the moment they had entered the hotel; tagging along at Wu Xie’s elbow as they were invited up to Madam Xue’s rooms to be borderline interrogated about his missing uncle and then tricked into taking the left-hand seat by a deal … a fool’s chance taken in the hopes of accomplishing what they’d come to do. The entire time the man had given little to no sign of much awareness or interest in the proceedings … right up until the point that all hell had broken loose.

And then quite suddenly, Zhang Qiling had taken a sort of charge; right when Wu Xie had been about to give up on Madam Huo’s stupid challenge as hearing servants sent guards rushing towards them.

It still gave Wu Xie a little thrill just thinking of how there had suddenly been the steady warm pressure of Zhang Qiling’s hand on his shoulder, and the quiet but confident murmur at his ear … “Stay. I will protect you.”

And he had, hadn’t he?

Zhang Qiling had gone from a quiet statue that Wu Xie was worrying might be entirely overwhelmed by the chaos to a whirling dervish of lethal grace; fighting in a way that Wu Xie had only seen a few times since knowing the man.

Wu Xie hadn’t even realized that Zhang Qiling had remembered how to fight.

Though perhaps he hadn’t until the heat of the moment had called the muscle memory forth from the dark depths of that fragmented mind.

Now, Zhang Qiling was silent and still again. More silent perhaps … tired, Wu Xie guessed. He had exerted himself to get them to safety; and likely would again if trouble came, but Pangzi was right. They had to figure out how to disentangle themselves from the mess without having to rely on Zhang Qiling to fight his way through every threat for them; even if the man was willing to do so.

“Xiǎogē, are you doing, okay?” Wu Xie asked; watching as the hooded head raised, and the lowered eyes lifted to his.

Zhang Qiling didn’t make a sound, but he nodded slightly.

“We can’t stay here,” Wu Xie said next. “People will be looking for us.”

“Yeah, but where do we go?” Pangzi asked. “That’s the other draw back to being on the periphery of the Mystic Nine drama; we also don’t really have allies either. And now that Xie Yuchen has shown his true colors …”

Wu Xie tried to push away the hurt feeling that had cropped up when Xie Yuchen himself and faced down Zhang Qiling at one point during the fight. It made sense … the young head of the Xie Clan had never hidden the fact that he would choose what was best for his clan, and getting in trouble with practically everybody was certainly not ideal; but still it stung.

“I wish my uncle was here,” Wu Xie said; changing the subject. “He’s a pain in the ass sometimes; but I feel like he would back me up on this and know what to do now.”

“What about the rest of the Wu family. Any chance they’d help us out?” Pangzi questioned.

Wu Xie winced. “They’d at least keep people from killing us I suppose.”

“All right, that’s better than nothing at least,” Pangzi said. “But first we have to get out of here and back to Hangzhou.”

Wu Xie frowned but he nodded. “Let’s see if things have calmed down enough for us to sneak off to somewhere we can call a cab or something,” he said, glancing towards Zhang Qiling again.

The quiet man shifted easily to his feet, ready to follow as usual.

Double checking the security of the shoulder straps on the backpack that he’d added to the list of stolen objects for the day, Wu Xie started for the warehouse door with Pangzi and Zhang Qiling falling into step beside him.

They’d hardly made it another block when a dozen or so men came pouring from different throughfares to surround them.

These were not dressed either in the uniforms of the Hotel guards or like the hired mercenaries of Liu Li Sun’s ilk; marking them as the toughs of some new group looking to either capture Wu Xie and co for brownie points with the Hotel’s owners or to get the Dragon Seal for themselves.

“Not again,” Pangzi grumbled; readying himself all the same.

Wu Xie watched Zhang Qiling’s stance shift; his lips forming a determined line, ready to fight again.

Then the line of assailants parted and Xie Yuchen stepped through.

“Wu Xie,” Xie Yuchen said, his expression serious; no hint of the companionability that any of the trio had come to enjoy in the grave manner. “I’m not here to fight you.”

Wu Xie stood still and uncertain; wavering between gratitude for all that Xie Yuchen had done and a fear to trust in case there might prove to be some danger for Zhang Qiling if he did so.

“You want the seal for yourself is that it?” Pangzi accused.

“I’m here on behalf of Madam Huo,” Xie Yuchen said. “Please, Wu Xie. I will explain everything; but there isn’t time now. I need you to come with us … to come with me; or you all are going to end up getting hurt.”

Wu Xie bristled a little; wondering how much of the words was a warning and how much a potential threat. He glanced towards Zhang Qiling who had shifted forward a little; putting himself between Wu Xie and Xie Yuchen.

“You want us to trust Madam Huo after the treatment she gave us today?” Pangzi demanded.

Xie Yuchen’s youthful features held some consternation and some frustration as he was being quietly stared down by Zhang Qiling.

“Wu Xie, I need you to trust me; just this once,” Xie Yuchen said. “Surely, I have proven by now that I don’t wish you or your friend’s harm. That hasn’t changed, and it won’t change. But I can’t guarantee the actions of others; so please come with me and see if we can’t settle this in a way that appeases all parties.” Xie Yuchen made a point to look between Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling; guessing strongly that worries for that ‘friend’ in particular was a big sticking point with the young man.

Wu Xie knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it would only require the slightest signal from him and Zhang Qiling would fight a way through for them again; even going through Xie Yuchen if necessary. But Xie Yuchen was right. Suspicious or not, up to this point at least; the young man had been nothing if not willing to go above and beyond to help them and Zhang Qiling out.

“Fine,” Wu Xie said. “We’ll go with you for now.”

Xie Yuchen relaxed fractionally, watching with a bit of relief on his handsome face as Zhang Qiling stepped back to Wu Xie’s side.

“I have a ride waiting for us,” Xie Yuchen said.

“To take us where, might I ask?” Pangzi asked; his tone yet to go back to its cheerful friendliness, his mistrust of the entire situation clear.

“To the Huo Family Home,” was Xie Yuchen’s quiet reply.  

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling stepped close to Wu Xie’s side; his eyes shifting between the young man and the mercenaries closing in around himself, Wu Xie, and Pangzi to usher them towards the vehicles that Xie Yuchen had mentioned.

The tension coming off of Wu Xie was palpable in the air around him; and, not for the first time, Zhang Qiling wished that he had the right words. With the right words he might have been able to reassure the young man that it was going to be okay. Any threat would have to go through him to get to Wu Xie; and he had discovered in this last half hour, that he was capable of stopping them.

The realization filled him with a sort of pride and satisfaction.

He could protect Wu Xie; and in more ways then just carrying him out of a hole in an abandoned temple.

The beautiful boy who had called him out of the darkness and terror of the Nothing; and had cared for and protected him these past weeks that made up the sum total of his existence - he could care for and protect that boy in return.   

That thought thrilled him; and unlike Wu Xie, he didn’t feel at all afraid as they moved as a group towards the waiting Suburban SUVs.

“This way please,” Xie Yuchen said, gesturing for the trio to enter one of the line of large vehicles.

Shifting to the side, Zhang Qiling let Wu Xie and Pangzi move ahead of him; taking up the rear of the line.

“There’d better be a really good explanation at the end of this,” Pangzi fussed as he climbed in.

Wu Xie followed suit in an anxious silence. 

 As Zhang Qiling moved to the door, he glanced briefly to Xie Yuchen’s face.

The youthful features of the Xie Clan head were grave and … troubled? … maybe. He still had a hard time finding the right descriptors for the feelings he got from people; especially the ones that didn’t show up on their faces. All that he knew was that there was something below the surface of the outwardly firm and serious expression that was almost like worry.

The man hadn’t liked having to fight him; and he didn’t seem to like the tension in the group either.

Zhang Qiling couldn’t muster the irritation from Pangzi or the slightly betrayed feeling from Wu Xie towards the young man though.

Hard feelings didn’t play a part in his more simple way of viewing the whole situation.

If Xie Yuchen tried to harm Wu Xie or Pangzi, he would stop the man.

Beyond that one simple fact he had no further judgements or speculations to levy yet.

Maybe he should feel differently.

That thought occurred to Zhang Qiling occasionally.  

Sometimes he wondered why he saw and responded to things so differently than his friends. He could see that he did; and sometimes he even wondered if he should feel differently. But from the moment he’d begun to register the world again, his way had always seemed to default to being more apt to observe and let the facts unfold in all of their layers; and now was no different.

Meeting Xie Yuchen’s serious gaze with his own open one, Zhang Qiling stepped past and into the vehicle to sit beside Wu Xie.

There was a moment of just sitting as the guards distributed themselves between the vehicles and Xie Yuchen disappeared into the SUV in front of their own; then the engines revved and began to pull into Beijing traffic.

Zhang Qiling could almost feel Wu Xie’s eyes on him before he’d even turned his head to look; reading the weighing concern in the quiet regard.

Normally that look would be accompanied with a question along the lines of “Are you okay?”

So, Zhang Qiling offered a small smile to show that he was fine.

Wu Xie never seemed to quite believe that he was though. It was another endearing quality; the gentleness and care prompting his ever cautious looking after.

Zhang Qiling shifted his hand to Wu Xie’s knee; giving a little pat pat.

Wu Xie ducked his head, pink tinging his cheeks slightly as a smile he could not repress slipped onto his face.

Pangzi snorted, watching the interaction with an amused smirk.

When one of the guards in the front seat craned around to see what was so funny, Pangzi’s smirk turned to a grimace.

“Mind your beeswax,” Pangzi growled; thoroughly unhappy about the fact of their being guarded, or the entire situation in general really. Except for the cuteness of Zhang Qiling patting Wu Xie of course; that bit was okay.

Zhang Qiling watched Wu Xie’s shift of expression with a measure of satisfaction; not minding Pangzi’s sour retort to the other occupants of the vehicle.

Wu Xie was the beautiful light in the darkness, and Pangzi was the mother hen who could be soft and caring or sharp and defensive when his charges were in danger.

And today, he had found out his own role – a new purpose besides just that driving urge to find his memories. He would be their protector.

***

Madam Huo’s home had the same feel of old wealth and history frozen in time as so many of the family homes of The Mystic Nine did.

Normally, Wu Xie would have been fascinated; wanting to absorb the information of that history. But, just now, he was wrangling too much with his own nerves to be able to enjoy it; not to mention the fact that as soon as they arrived they were being hurried along and not given a chance to familiarize and acclimate themselves.

Within a handful of minutes they were ushered into a long room, the doors shutting firmly behind them; and Wu Xie dimly wondered if they were locked in.

Not that it would really matter.

Two of Madam Huo’s guards remained inside the room; and the rest, Wu Xie was sure, would be waiting not far beyond the doors in case they were needed.

Huo Xiu Xiu, who was around the same age as Wu Xie and co., hurried forward to greet them; the same tension and stress that the arrivals were feeling held in her own expression.

“Wu Xie Gēgē*, Xiao Hua Gēgē …” the young woman hastily gestured the two men forward to present them to the distinguished Huo Xian Gu who was already seated at the conference table with its 8 chairs along the sides and the ninth at its head. *( Gēgē = Older Brother – though not always used for a relative, just an older or respected male friend)

Wu Xie couldn’t quite escape the feeling that he was being brought before a principal … or maybe a judge. The woman’s features were certainly stern enough to be that of a judge.

((Huo Xiu Xiu and Madam Huo))

Somehow she seemed even more intimidating than she had back at the Hotel; but then maybe that was because they’d not stolen something yet and played right into her hands apparently.

There was a movement out of the corner of Wu Xie’s eye, the dark hooded figure of Zhang Qiling slipping closer; even if he hadn’t been gestured to by Xiu Xiu. He didn’t draw abreast, but he stood a step or so behind Wu Xie’s elbow; placing himself so that one step would easily place himself between Wu Xie and the threats in the room.

Pangzi moved a little closer to; though likely more so from a desire to not be left out of the proceedings than as a result of strategic considerations.

Drawing from the presence of both men, Wu Xie turned his attention to Huo Xian Gu with more resolve this time.

“Madam Huo,” Xie Yuchen began as Xiu Xiu resumed her spot behind her grandmother’s chair. “Wu Xie has agreed to meet with you in the interest of finding a peaceful resolution for all involved. I have assured him that …”

Madam Huo held up her hand, her dark eyes sharp even as they rested on the young Xie clan head; the command in the gesture clear.

Xie Yuchen fell silent immediately, a clear hierarchy establishing itself in the way he acquiesced without complaint; but then Wu Xie had noticed that the man tended to be deferential if not outright self-deprecating around the other heads of The Nine. At least he had been that way during their meeting with Zhang Rishan … or at least had appeared to be that way.

Wu Xie vaguely recalled the first time they’d been in Beijing visiting the man; and the mysterious meeting with the conversation that had seemed so complicated and layered with hidden meanings, and suddenly he wondered if Xie Yuchen was also playing a part here; and if he were, was the playing for Madam Huo’s benefit or was there some other angle?

“I have made no promises of a peaceful anything,” Madam Huo said, her tone as stately as the bearing of every inch of the rest of her.

“Nǎinai (Grandma) …” Huo Xiu Xiu interjected hesitantly.

“Be silent child,” Madam Huo said, her tone sharpening; and Xiu Xiu lowered her head, her own expression blatantly troubled; though Wu Xie was unsure why. It had been years since he’d seen the young woman; and though they’d been companionable previously, it had still been years since coming into contact with her again at the Hotel.

“If Wu Xie can be brash enough to put himself into such a situation as he has, than he most certainly can face the consequences of his actions,” Madam Huo continued, her eyes piercing into the young man as she said the words.

Wu Xie felt a little chill go up and down his spine. If he’d thought Xie Yuchen to be capable of appearing intimidating once; he was a mouse in comparison to a lioness now, and not just because of his current show of meekness.

“I was of a mind to teach you a stern lesson,” Madam Huo said. “You Wu men are far too apt to make fools of yourselves; gallivanting around as if there will be no repercussions for your antics. Your family has been a thorn in the foot of the rest of The Nine from Wu Lao Guo on.”

Wu Xie began to bristle in spite of himself; some of his rare stubborn anger coming to his rescue.

“Instead,” Madam Huo continued on. “The young master Xie seemed to think you might be worth the trouble of making an arrangement with; something I doubt. But I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt in spite of your rather blatant indiscretions today, and am prepared to offer you a deal.”

Wu Xie rapid blinked, surprised by the sudden abrupt turn in the conversation.

“A deal?” Wu Xie reiterated. “I don’t understand.”

Madam Huo regarded him with a rather condescending look; the fact of his not understanding likely joining the other things she held against him. But she proceeded to explain.

“Given your insistence about getting your hands on The Jadeite Dragon Seal, by fair means or foul; I am willing to let you briefly examine the object in my presence, IF you will sign a legally binding contract stating that you will only share whatever you discover with me. After which, you will surrender the object to my keeping and agree to work for me on a project of mine regarding it; while adhering to any other stipulations I deem necessary to keep you from making such rash decisions as the ones you’ve made today.”  

Wu Xie’s confused expression rapidly became a frown that turned his lips into a grim line. “So …” Wu Xie started, his nerves melting now in the heat of that Wu stubbornness. “When you invited me to see you this morning at the hotel; and I asked if we could come to some agreement in order to just get a chance to study the Jadeite Dragon; all you could do was try to manipulate information out of me in regards to how to one up the Wu Family with my uncle out of the picture, all the while belittling and looking down on me and then tricking me into this situation. Now you want to make a deal? And a condescending insult of one at that. I would have to be the complete fool that you seem to take me for to agree to those sorts of terms. And even if you had the decency to show a modicum of politeness in how you worded that just now, I wouldn’t work for you regardless; not after seeing what sort of bullying you resort to in order to get your way.”

The words poured out of Wu Xie with all the haughty anger he could muster behind them. Part of him said that it was dangerous to turn down the offer; especially when already backed into such a corner. But another part of him felt that it was the right answer.

There was no way that he would drag Zhang Qiling into a deal with this woman; especially if his history had anything at all to do with the Dragon Seal. And he had no doubts that Zhang Qiling would follow him if he bound himself to the Huo clan in this way; putting himself into whatever danger that would arise from it.

For better or worse, in this moment, he was sure that he’d made the right decision.

Madam Huo’s expression didn’t change at all; which made the next sudden shift in the conversation as surprising as the first.

“Don’t blame me for following my first inclination then,” Huo Xian Gu said; making a sharp gesture with her hand as she followed up in the same breath “Get the seal. From his cold corpse, if necessary,” she bit out.

A few things happened all at once.

The two suited guards in the room stepped forward in Wu Xie’s direction as Xie Yuchen called out something that Wu Xie did not hear.

There was a blur of black as Zhang Qiling stepped in so fast that the first guard didn’t even make it to within a stride of Wu Xie; a perfectly executed round house kick to the chest sending the man stumbling backwards.

As quick as a striking viper, Zhang Qiling swiveled in place to face the other incoming guard; his hand flashing out, two fingers extended like a blade towards the second guard’s face.

Just as sharply as the order to advance had come, Madam Huo suddenly called out “Don’t move!”; bringing all of the chaos to an abrupt stand-still.

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling turned into a statue, freezing in place at nearly the same instant that the guard stopped his advance; his hand and fingers lingering mere inches from breaking the man’s nose.

He stayed there, every inch of him a poised threat; waiting for even the slightest hint that the attack would proceed; but instead Madam Huo was slowly rising from her seat, a rapt look of consternation filling her formerly stern face as her eyes remained fixed on him.

He could feel the weight of that gaze, even with just the glimpse from the corner of his eye. More importantly, he could feel the sudden drastic shift in the feel of the air of the room; specifically, the aura surrounding the almost regal woman herself.

Slowly Madam Huo approached, her eyes searching; something like stunned disbelief slowly fading to equally stunned realization on her suddenly expressive features.

“Wu Xie…” Huo Xian Gu murmured. “Does this man perhaps have a Qilin tattoo?”

The tone of the woman’s voice had changed so drastically from condescending hauteur to borderline solicitous that Wu Xie had to rapid blink several times as he tried to catch up to what was unfolding. He’d hardly begun to adjust to the realization of the attack let alone this brand new development.

Wu Xie did not have to be sensitive to see that something very big had happened; though what, he was at a total loss to interpret. Instead, he just nodded dumbly as his attention shifted back and forth between Zhang Qiling and the clearly shaken woman.

“Leave us,” Madam Huo directed the two guards who looked just as confused as Wu Xie as they obediently withdrew.

Zhang Qiling lowered his hand to his side, the dangerously poised posture shifting and softening somewhat as he met Madam Huo’s studying gaze; the woman moving around in front of him and searching his face as realization shifted to troubled wonder.

“May I see your right hand?”

If Madam Huo’s tone to Wu Xie had been solicitous before, it was downright deferential now.

With only a brief hesitation, Zhang Qiling held out his hand with the two unique fingers; and Madam Huo took it almost reverently, confirming the final proofs to whatever conclusion she’d already more or less reached before leaving her seat.

Zhang Qiling could feel how the air was suddenly charged with unnamed feelings. He could feel an importance to this moment that he did not understand, and his brow furrowed fractionally as he held that gaze; searching Madam Huo’s face in return, albeit with a much calmer outward expression.

(I found a better Xiaoge Brow Furrow Pic 😊)

Releasing Zhang Qiling’s hand, Madam Huo stepped back to a respectful distance; and almost in the same movement, knelt at his feet, her eyes never once leaving his face.

Wu Xie almost squawked with surprise as Huo Xiu Xiu hurried to her grandmother’s side.

“Nǎinai!” Xiu Xiu stooped, trying to raise the woman to her feet.

Even Wu Xie moved on deeply ingrained instinctive respect for elders to help.

But at first it was almost as if Madam Huo didn’t even notice them, her attention so thoroughly affixed on Zhang Qiling. She stood with the prompting, still without acknowledging that anyone else in the room existed; and Wu Xie was shocked to see the moisture of tears shining in the woman’s eyes.

“It is you …” Madam Huo breathed the words, stepping forward and free of the supporting arms that might as well not have been there. “I didn’t know …” there was an almost supplicating apology in her voice as her eyes continued to drink in the sight of the face beneath the dark hood.

Closing the distance again to a more intimate one almost impulsively, a hesitant hope stealing across her face; Madam Huo asked “Do … do you remember me?” Her voice was very nearly tremulous with feeling now, no hint of the stern judge in sight on her features; her expression open and wistful as if she had stepped back in time a handful of decades to some other time when she had been capable of such youthful expressions.  

Zhang Qiling slowly shook his head.

Little flickers of things like guilt and regret flitted across the openness for a moment as Madam Huo’s eyes lowered for the first time. “I suppose … even if you did remember, you would never have chosen to see me after …”

She banished the thought, refocusing; her eyes rising again as an almost girlish eagerness further banished the stern and reserved persona more typical of the Huo Clan head.

“Come with me,” she said; taking Zhang Qiling’s arm and guiding with a gentle insistence towards the head of the long table where the singular seat looked upon the 8 from a place of unmistakable if understated authority.

Releasing Zhang Qiling’s arm, Madam Huo placed her hands on the seat back; her eyes alight and her lips curving in a bright and excited smile – again, as if she’d stepped back into the shoes of some younger more passionate version of herself; the version that she’d hoped Zhang Qiling might remember.

“This is your seat,” she said with meaningful emphasis.

“Do you know what’s going on?” Pangzi hissed the words close to Wu Xie’s ear as they regarded the unfolding drama.

Wu Xie shook his head.

“Its that shadowed mural thing again,” Pangzi observed.

Wu Xie glanced sideways to where Xie Yuchen and Huo Xiu Xiu stood together watching the scene as well; Xiu Xiu looking as confused as he felt while Xie Yuchen …

Xie Yuchen didn’t look surprised so much as satisfied; as if something he’d guessed was being confirmed in front of him … whatever that meant.

Zhang Qiling stood in place, looking between Madam Huo’s expectant features and the chair she had denoted as his. He knew there was something hugely significant. He could feel that almost in the same way that his dream that morning had felt somehow deeply meaningful in ways he did not understand … in ways he could not remember. But, no matter how he observed and waited, the facts would not fill themselves in for him; leaving him feeling lost and confused and frustrated that his mind would not reveal the secrets he felt so sure that he should know.

Madam Huo seemed to read some of it on his face, because slowly the smile faded and the openness; and she was just a stately old woman again, though her eyes still held moisture and now a strong regret.

“I see …” she murmured, the regret in her reserved tone as well. “I have handled this badly,” Madam Huo said, the words almost apologetic again as she left Zhang Qiling’s side and returned to her space at the table where Xiu Xiu joined her; helping her into her chair as silence dominated the room.

Zhang Qiling stayed where he was for a lingering moment, his attention on the innocuous looking chair that was no different than the others besides its placement at the table. Slowly he reached out his hand, brushing his fingertips to the wood; waiting for some indication that he’d ever sat there before, but there was nothing to read beside vague residual feelings of time passing around it.

“Xiu Xiu,” Madam Huo broke the silence again. “Please bring the ivory box from the safe in my study.”

Huo Xiu Xiu’s eyes went wide briefly, but she nodded.

“And have someone send in two chairs and a tea tray,” Madam Huo continued. “Our best tea, mind.”

Xiu Xiu nodded again before starting for the door of the room.

“Please …” Madam Huo said, no hint of her earlier condescension or sternness in sight. “Wu Xie, take this seat,” she indicated one across the table from her. “That is the Wu family seat for when business matters are conducted at this table,” she explained. “Young Master Xie, you may sit as well.”

Xie Yuchen did not appear to need directions for which seat represented his own family; moving to sit smoothly.

Wu Xie wondered if he was imagining that the man’s mannerisms were more assured and less deferential now.

Zhang Qiling left his fruitless study of the chair, moving to stand behind and just to the side of Wu Xie’s seat; his brow still furrowed and his eyes shadowed. When Wu Xie looked up at him with that obvious desire to ask if he was okay held in those big brown eyes; he couldn’t even bring himself to offer the reassuring tiny smile just now.

The fact of the matter was, he didn’t know.

He felt muddled and unsure of himself; feeling as if so many things were taunting him just out of reach in the darkness of his mind. His simple world was suddenly filled with so many unanswered questions.

Wu Xie exchanged a worried glance with Pangzi; both men wary of anything that might overwhelm or otherwise harm their friend. And, when Wu Xie’s eyes next traveled in Xie Yuchen’s direction; he noticed a similar concern in the considering gaze the young man had fixed on their silent companion.

After a couple of minutes of more silence, the door of the room opened as attendants arrived with the requested items.

The two special chairs were removed from the table on either side of Wu Xie and two other’s put in their place for Zhang Qiling and Pangzi to sit; and a tray filled with tea and finger foods was placed in easy reach of the trio.

Pangzi immediately took up the seat on Wu Xie’s left, his defensive behaviors still a bit in evidence; while Zhang Qiling moved to sit more slowly, his expression still preoccupied, his eyelids lowered slightly to hide his thoughts.

Gesturing to one of the attendants, Madam Huo murmured a request in their ear before dismissing all of them with another gesture.

“Hey, Xiǎogē,” Pangzi questioned. “Any chance that those sharp ears of yours were able to catch that last bit?”

Zhang Qiling glanced up briefly, then quietly stated “She asked them to request the hotel manager to come.”

Madam Huo’s smile towards Zhang Qiling was conciliatory. “I had forgotten how acute your senses were,” she admitted. “But yes, I think you will find that Zhang Rishan’s presence will be fortuitous to the proceedings going forward.”

“I’m confused,” Wu Xie admitted. “By just about all of it.”

“Are we still talking about that ridiculous deal you tried to threaten us into?” Pangzi questioned; his tone still upset, but softening considerably as he sampled the expensive tea.

Madam Huo pursed her lips slightly. “The matter of The Jadeite Dragon Seal is already settled,” she said. “As its rightful owner is already here,” she dipped her head in Zhang Qiling’s direction.

The arms that Wu Xie had tightened around the bag briefly, relaxed slightly as he looked sideways at Zhang Qiling.

“Had I known who you were trying to acquire it for, things would have gone very differently today,” Madam Huo continued. “I regret the part I played in causing you so much trouble. If it helps, I will personally see to smoothing things over with The Xin Yue Hotel, which is partly why I invited its … manager … here.”

Wu Xie noted the odd pause, but in the midst of all of the other things he was currently processing; he didn’t comment.

“As I stood guarantor for them, I am also willing to share in the payment of damages,” Xie Yuchen said.

“You said you were going to explain things to us,” Pangzi accused, jabbing a purple sweet potato cake in Xie Yuchen’s direction.

The young man hesitated, looking vaguely uncomfortable as he looked between the trio on one side and Huo Xian Gu on the other.

“If I had to guess,” Madam Huo interjected. “There are many questions on all sides. Now that things have played out as they have, I will not hide anything from you any longer.”

Zhang Qiling could feel the pointedness of the words, and when he raised his eyes; Madam Huo was looking at him directly.

“I too will answer any questions that you have,” Xie Yuchen said. “Though I think we should wait to begin until Zhang Rishan is also present. He has a part to play in all of this as well.”

“We’re going to need more snacks,” Pangzi said.

Madam Huo was happy enough to accommodate Pangzi, summoning her attendants again to bring a more substantial repast as they awaited the final arrival of the party.

Huo Xiu Xiu arrived as the food was being delivered, placing a sizeable lockbox of wood and ivory on the table in front of her grandmother.

“You should eat something,” Wu Xie prompted Zhang Qiling quietly. “You have to be running on fumes by now.” Wu Xie was all too familiar with the man’s unconscious tendency to appear okay until he suddenly wasn’t. The habit of pushing things right to the very limits of his physicality seemed as ingrained into his muscle memory as his abilities to fight or navigate forests; especially if they were in a high stress situation. And with Zhang Qiling still relearning everything, he might not even know when he was nearing those limits.

“These sweet potato cakes are good,” Pangzi said. “I think you’ll like them, Xiǎogē.”

Wu Xie placed one of the tea cakes on a saucer and placed it in front of Zhang Qiling; uncomfortably aware of the fact that Madam Huo was watching every interaction, and distinctly disliking letting anyone know about Zhang Qiling’s vulnerabilities. But it couldn’t entirely be helped; though he tried to be discreet about it.

Zhang Qiling studied the tea cake for a long moment without really seeing it. But a glance at Wu Xie’s worried face prompted him to override his total disinterest in food at the moment, beginning to break off bite sized bits with his fingers; a couple of which actually made it into his mouth.

Wu Xie sighed, only partly satisfied; recognizing the subtle signs of overwhelm in the lack of anything like an appetite.

Zhang Rishan’s arrival put a temporary stop to the worries, or at least provided a compelling distraction from them; the man’s presence seeming to dominate the room in a strange quiet way that almost reminded Wu Xie of Zhang Qiling himself.

He even seemed to overpower Madam Huo’s impressive stateliness.

“President Zhang,” Madam Huo greeted with a formal dip of her head. “Will you be taking your usual seat?” her eyes slid sideways towards the head of the table … the chair that she had just pointed out to Zhang Qiling coincidentally.

Zhang Rishan took in the company at the table in a singular glance before answering “As the acting head of the Zhang Family, I’d hardly feel quite right about it when the true head of The Nine Families and The Zhang Clan is already present at the table.”

Zhang Qiling stiffened fractionally in his seat, the furrow deepening between his eyebrows as he zeroed in on the new arrival’s face.

“Xiǎogē, is everything okay?” Wu Xie whispered as quietly as he could.

Zhang Qiling had only one answer to offer, and he murmured the words only a touch louder than Wu Xie’s own. “He is familiar.”    

Chapter Text

The words were true.

Zhang Qiling knew as much.

This man standing at the foot of the table and regarding him was someone that he knew, and it was in a different way to how he’d recognized Wu Xie and Pangzi.  

With Wu Xie and Pangzi he’d felt their familiarity; his heart and soul recognizing their importance in ways that defied the broken state of his mind.

But for the first time since he’d woken up after Tamutuo, he was encountering someone that he recognized on an intellectual level. His mind knew that he had met this person before; but when he reached for that knowing it seemed to be blocked by an invisible barrier.

As the world continued on around him, Zhang Qiling ignored it; only registering Madam Huo’s ordering another chair to be brought, her conversing with the new arrival, and Wu Xie and Pangzi’s worried study of him on a peripheral level as he became almost singular in purpose.

He wanted to remember …

He needed to …

It felt as if that desire had always been there, hidden at times by extenuating circumstances; but as he felt it now, he felt as though that feeling stretched back into the darkness of his hidden past like a thread drawing him to push past the memories formed over the course of a mere couple of months and find the ones that he had lost.

Zhang Rishan glanced at him a couple of times as the formalities of tedious things like greetings and small talk were observed. And though the man’s outward manner was almost casual and lacking anything to indicate he felt a similar gravitas for the moment; those glances seemed to pierce right through any of the “shadow” that Wu Xie always talked about surrounding him.

This man knew him; and on a far deeper level than most people ever understood or knew another.

This man held all of the secrets of his past, and that gaze was knowing in ways that were both intriguing and deeply unsettling.

“What did you mean?”

Zhang Qiling’s first unprompted words spoken out loud since his promise of protection to Wu Xie cut through the conversation like a knife; a pointed silence following as Madam Huo’s almost reverent gaze shifted to him. Zhang Rishan stopped trying to appear like he was mostly focused on the Huo family’s head, zeroing in on the other Zhang.

“What did you mean that I am the head of The Nine Families and The Zhangs?” Zhang Qiling reiterated, expanding on his question.

“It’s who you are,” Zhang Rishan said; taking the time to arrange himself comfortably in the chair at the foot of the table, steepling his fingers as he propped his elbows on the table top and regarded Zhang Qiling over them. “It’s who you’ve always been. No matter how many persons have claimed that spot over the years, no one except you actually has had the right to claim it.”

“That’s what the Jadeite Dragon Seal is,” Madam Huo said. “Amongst other things … it was originally made to serve as a sort of a figurehead; a place holder for the clan to symbolize that they had no clan head excepting one, though many had forgotten.”

“Even my friend and predecessor in this spot, Zhang Qishan … Zhang Da Fo Ye was only the acting head of one of the branches of the Zhang family; even if he did claim the role and do a great deal to organize what is now understood as the Zhang Clan during the upheaval of the War of Resistance to Japan,” Zhang Rishan said. “Even he was not The head of the entire Zhang Family. Even I am not.”

“You said that you were friends with Zhang Da Fo Ye?” Wu Xie questioned. “But wasn’t he head of the Zhangs in the 1930s? He would have been a grown man during the time of the war and that was 73 years ago so …”

Zhang Rishan dipped his head with a small smile at the observation. “I am older than I look,” he replied simply.

“Another one?!” Pangzi exclaimed with little in the way of finesse. “Seems if you stumble across one unusually long-lived person; the rest come crawling out of the wood work.”

But Wu Xie wasn’t finished with his observations.

“So the Dragon Seal  was made to symbolize the persons who were supposed to be the actual head of the clan when they couldn’t be present?”

“Not persons,” Madam Huo said; glancing to Zhang Rishan momentarily. “There has only ever been One true head of the Zhang Clan; and the Dragon Seal only ever represented that One.”

Wu Xie had his scrunched up thinking face on, and he couldn’t have cared less if he was broadcasting the business of his brain to the entire room at that moment.

“But the Dragon Seal was made hundreds of years ago …” Wu Xie said. “Hundreds and hundreds …”

“No one is exactly sure how long,” Madam Huo confirmed. “Though some have rumored it to be well over a thousand years old. But, I would expect that it is exactly as old as the initial split of the Zhang Clan … when a figurehead became necessary for those who still held loyalty to the original tradition of the clan of recognizing only one head.”

“But if the Dragon Seal was made to represent only one person … than that would mean …” Wu Xie was looking between Zhang Qiling and Zhang Rishan now.

“Zhang Qiling is also considerably older than he looks,” Zhang Rishan said meaningfully.

“He’s the original head of the clan?” Wu Xie’s voice faltered a little.

Zhang Rishan dipped his head in affirmation as he said “The Patriarch if you will.”

“Hundreds of years …” Wu Xie shifted his hands on the bag in his lap as his brain struggled to wrap his head around such impossibilities.

“I’m not the head,” Zhang Qiling interjected again; his words causing the same brief cessation of sound around the table. “Not now,” he said. “Not without my memories.”

Zhang Qiling had already brushed past the little factoid that Wu Xie had gotten caught up in. What did hundreds of years matter if he couldn’t even remember beyond the last two months?

“I can’t lead or be responsible for a people I don’t even remember …” Zhang Qiling continued. “They deserve better.”

For the first time since the man had entered the room, there was a ripple through Zhang Rishan’s outward unflappability; just the briefest hint of genuine feeling.

“You always did care for the people most …” Madam Huo’s murmur was absent, as if she were thinking out loud; reminiscing about something. “No matter how many times they …” She blinked, recalling herself, and falling silent with a grimace.

Wu Xie was pretty sure there was the moisture of unshed tears in the woman’s eyes again.

“Am I to understand that you would like me to maintain my role as stand in then?” Zhang Rishan asked; his tone business-like and his expression clear of sentiment again.

There were so many thoughts and emotions pouring through Zhang Qiling’s mind that he didn’t have the capacity to register most of them. A lot of them felt out of place somehow; like they came from other times and other versions of him, and he had no reference point to process any of them.

For the lack of any better option, he slowly nodded; blinking a few times beneath a still furrowed brow, as he worked to sort through his thoughts to find the ones that felt the most solid and made the most sense to the version that he was in this moment.

“Let’s simplify things,” Xie Yuchen piped up suddenly; taking control of the room for a moment in a manner that was very unlike the one he’d displayed in either Zhang Rishan’s presence the last time they’d met him, or in Madam Huo’s.

This was the cool and confident Xie Yuchen with a side of intimidation; not the retiring, self-deprecating one catering to the whims of the ‘older and supposedly more knowledgeable clan heads.’

“I am sure there are any number of topics that could be discussed; a number of which have already been hinted at in the space of such a short time. But, for the sake of time, perhaps we should limit the conversation and question to the more immediate and urgent issues; and a brief explanation of each of our roles and what has ultimately drawn us together today in this way.” Xie Yuchen looked to Huo Xian Gu and the meaningful presence of the ivory and wood box. “Madam Huo, perhaps if you could start; as you have the most information directly involving Wu Xie and how Zhang Qiling ties into everything. Then I and President Rishan can fill in what gaps remain.”

Madam Huo seemed to gather herself, drawing herself up in all of her stateliness as if steeling herself for whatever was to come; but she nodded. “I suppose it is more than past time for things to be made clear at last; at least to those who can be trusted. And, if he has chosen to trust you Wu Xie, then so shall I. Perhaps I have guarded the secrets too long, and young Xie Yuchen is right. It is time for the next generation to take their places in the long lines of those who have fought against the darkness for so long; as it seems you’ve stumbled into it no matter what your uncle’s wishes have been to keep you out of it.”

“I don’t understand,” Wu Xie admitted.

“Then I shall explain,” Madam Huo said. “I expect this unseen war began a long time before any of us were born; but for me it truly began in 1956. Our family received a raiding commission to go to Banai in search of what was supposed to be a tomb; though we later found out we were to be searching for The Zhang Family Ancestral Pavilion – a place rumored to hold all of the history and secrets that had been compiled and collected over the decades by the Zhangs themselves, including the secrets of longevity.”

{{I had to switch around dates and merge certain events from cannon in order to fit Zhang Qiling’s 20 years at Golmud where I did, so if you notice some discrepancies in dates and locations and things that is why. Hopefully it still makes sense <3 }}

“The expedition was generously funded and, though the entire thing proved exceedingly dangerous, and the death toll was unusually high; there was never a shortage of supplies and hands being sent by my aunt Huo Jin Xi, who was the head of the clan at that time. Things began to go horribly wrong, partly due to the exorbitant protective measures set up in the location we were trying to enter and partly due to inexplicable events that I can only describe now as potentially of an other-worldly nature.”

“Even when things began to go horribly wrong, my Aunt insisted that we stay and finish what we had begun with a fervor that I’d never seen from her before. It was only later, towards the end of our time in Banai, that I learned why…”

Madam Huo’s eyes shifted to Zhang Qiling briefly, painful memories written on her features; the regret, and a strange sort of loss predominating.

“Zhang Qiling came to us then; showing up as things began to fall apart. He was the one to inform us that the location we’d been given was wrong; and that the place where we were was connected to something called The Bronze Gate. It was him who told us that It was behind the commission; and it was him who kept us from unleashing whatever evil was behind held captive in that place upon the world in our ignorance. It was due solely to him that our entire expedition, including myself, was not destroyed by that place.”

 “It?” Wu Xie questioned.

Madam Huo blinked away from Zhang Qiling, having to regather her composure again; when she spoke though it was in the same clear tones, the emotions on her face never once compromising the calm firmness of her tone.

“How much are you familiar with the Wangs, also known as The 10^th Family?” Madam Huo asked Wu Xie in return.

“Not much,” Wu Xie admitted. “I know they have caused a lot of trouble for Xiǎogē, and for The Nine; and Xie Yuchen said that they do a lot to influence corruption in politics and stuff.”

“That is some of it,” Madam Huo confirmed. “But for those who have dealt with the family and its workings for a long time; there is a larger and far greater threat then The 10^th Family, and that is It. Not even I know for sure what “It” is, but whether a force or an entity; it is the inexorable driving power behind the Wangs and everything they do and stand for. It manipulates and twists the minds of its followers; binding together complete strangers into a single family fighting mindlessly for a common cause of hate that they don’t even know the real reasons behind most likely.”

“I saw some of It’s direct influence in what happened in Banai,” Madam Huo said. “The malevolence that we encountered in that place was something that would shake the very foundations of the world as we know it; and whether the Wangs realize it or not, they are being wielded as a tool to unleash that darkness.”

Wu Xie was frowning now, trying to understand if this was more a metaphorical darkness or, as the case might very well be considering they’d already stepped into supernatural territory with Zhang Qiling, if said darkness was all too real and literal.

“And …” Madam Huo’s voice faltered for the first time since her outburst after first recognizing Zhang Qiling. “Other’s have been wielded to do their bidding as well … including my own family. Including myself …”

  An almost pleading apology and regret was back in Madam Huo’s eyes when she turned them on Zhang Qiling; then, with trembling hands, she withdrew a key from a pocket sewn into her sleeve and opened the Ivory and Wood box.

“As much as I regret how things ended in Banai back then,” Madam Huo said. “What came next was far worse when they used my daughter Huo Ling to manipulate me into working for them again. These …” she pulled three VHS tapes from the box, “Are documentary video recordings having to do with a place called Golmud Sanitorium where she was kept and used as leverage to force me to gather information on the true location of The Zhang Family’s Ancestral Pavilion.”

She scooted the tapes across the table into arms reach of the trio as she continued.

“I have never told a single soul this. The only ones who knew of my involvement were myself and whichever persons of that accursed group worked as liaisons between me and the higher ups of their organization. But today, I will tell you …”

“After a decade of shaming myself by working with that vile family, it became clear that they were never going to keep their word and return my daughter to me. But when I sent people to see what had become of her and the rest of the Xisha group; the place had already been abandoned. It was in the aftermath of the following investigation that I learned that you had been there too … that you had died … or at least that was what was believed.”

“You sent people?” Wu Xie interjected, hints of rare and sudden heat in his eyes. “You mean you knew where Golmud was?”

“For 10 years I knew not only where Golmud was, but the darker forces at work in that place,” Madam Huo admitted firmly. “I knew. And I did nothing in the foolish hope that my daughter would be spared.”

Zhang Qiling’s heart was pounding in his ears so hard that he had to work to hear.

It was always those words … that place … the memories of it haunted his dreams while nothing else ever ventured so near the surface of his lost past.

They were so close.

Perhaps they were even the key.

His eyes had dropped from Madam Huo’s as Wu Xie spoke, fixating on those video tapes.

What might their contents hold?

What memories might be stored there and sitting just in front of him?

He wanted to remember …

He needed to …

Pain lanced through his skull as if a white hot spike had been driven into the side of his head with a mallet.

A soft, breathless groan forced its way past Zhang Qiling’s lips as he moved his hand; pressing it against the side of his hood-covered head, shoving the heel of his palm against the spot near his left temple as his head bowed over the table.

“I think we should leave this particular subject for another time,” Xie Yuchen cut in; concern clear in his face and tone.

There was even a flicker of something across Zhang Rishan’s face, though he didn’t say anything.

The guilt and regret were blatant Madam Huo’s eyes.

“Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie’s hand moved to Zhang Qiling’s arm. “Xiǎogē don’t try to force anything.”

Zhang Qiling wanted to force it.

What was pain? Pain was nothing. His body knew how to deal with pain; it was the gaping hole in his mind that was the problem.

But as he pried his eyelids open, his vision filling with Wu Xie’s worried face; he ceased to push and strive for the memories that he kept feeling must lie somewhere just beyond that pain.

And, as quickly as it had come, the pain was receding.

“Wǒ méishì (I’m fine) …” Zhang Qiling breathed softly, straightening in his seat again.

“I’m sorry,” Madam Huo said. “I did not realize … I had heard you’d lost your memories; but I did not know talking of this would bring you more pain.”

“That place already shattered his mind once, and he only just got done getting hurt and losing his memories again just a few months ago; which probably only happened because of damage from that place too,” Pangzi said, his protective mother hen coming out full force as he glared at Huo Xian Gu. “And you thought that putting him in a dicey, stressful situation all day and bringing up the very place that broke him in the first place was a good idea?”

 Wu Xie wasn’t entirely sure how Madam Huo managed to look simultaneously sophisticated and somehow thoroughly chastised at once.

“I was not aware he’d been ill …” Madam Huo said.

In spite of his words to Wu Xie, Zhang Qiling found it difficult to get his breathing to even out again; even after the pain in his skull was entirely gone. His pulse was still roaring in his ears, even louder than before; his system’s signals finally getting through now that he wasn’t unconsciously overriding every one of them with that single minded focus on making sense of everything and reclaiming his memories.

The ‘too much-ness’ of it all was crashing in on all sides, all at once now.

Moving his fingers to brush Wu Xie’s hand where it still rested on his arm, he waited for those big brown eyes to turn away from the ongoing tirade from an angry Pangzi who’d just found out that most if not all of his friend’s suffering could have been ended with one move from the woman sitting across the table from them.

“I want to go home,” Zhang Qiling murmured; just loud enough to be heard above the ruckus.

Immediately silence fell; Pangzi still red in the face, but suddenly sharing a look of mutual understanding with Wu Xie.

There was nothing that Wu Xie wanted more than to bundle Zhang Qiling onto a plane and head straight back to Wushanju … but the reasons for them being in Beijing in the first place gave him pause and he glanced between Zhang Qiling and Xie Yuchen; uncertainty written on his face.

“You are still welcome at my home, Wu Xie,” Xie Yuchen said.

Wu Xie’s doubt showed plainly on his guileless features and Xie Yuchen grimaced.

“Wu Xie,” Xie Yuchen said, earnestness filling his tone. “I know I have given you reason to question my intentions today; but I swear to you right here and now that everything I have done today and in the days leading to this moment has been done with yours and Zhang Qiling’s best interests and safety in mind.”

Wu Xie faltered a little. “What about your clan’s best interest?” he questioned. “You said once that you put that above everything else.”

“I did say that,” Xie Yuchen said with an emphatic nod. “And I have come to the conclusion that backing you and Zhang Qiling especially IS in the Xie Family’s best interest. I couldn’t show my true colors before this because I was waiting to see where a couple of other persons stood on the matter …” Xie Yuchen darted a look between Zhang Rishan and Madam Huo. But right here and right now I am declaring that I am in your corner 100%; even if I have to face down the entire Wang clan as a result.”

“It seems I have underestimated you from the start, young master Xie,” Madam Huo said with an arched eyebrow. “I suppose I should be upset with you deceiving me; but as I am inclined to agree with the reasoning behind your maneuvering, I’ll get over it.”

She too looked to Wu Xie directly now.

“I declare that myself and the trusted members of my clan will also back Zhang Qiling, and you by association, from this point forward; and that is whether or not you choose to help with my pet project to get back at the Wangs for their treachery – a topic which can be discussed at another time if you desire to do so.”

Wu Xie found himself blinking wide eyed at first Xie Yuchen and then Madam Huo; finally, his attention drifted to Zhang Rishan who had been looking on with a sort of bemused resignation.

“Oh, all right …” Zhang Rishan said as Wu Xie’s eyes met his.

“I can’t currently speak for the clan such as it is … but I can at least promise that I at least will stand behind you in what capacity I can; though I would appreciate if those words did not leave this room. I do have to retain some semblance of impartiality as the figurative head of The Nine – unless you want a whole lot of suspicions and questions to be raised as to why I’m suddenly all for a random person that happens to share the Zhang name.”

Wu Xie just nodded in dumbfounded silence.

“Is that sufficient reassurance for you to trust me enough to return to my home?” Xie Yuchen asked in the resulting pause. “Just until arrangements can be made for the continued safety of all of you?”

Wu Xie glanced to Pangzi and then Zhang Qiling. Pangzi was Pangzi-level flummoxed by it all too … while Zhang Qiling just sat quietly with his eyelids lowered slightly to hide his eyes.

Wu Xie gave a little squeeze to Zhang Qiling’s arm as he asked, “I know it’s not ‘home’ necessarily; but are you okay going back to Xie Yuchen’s house for now instead?”

Zhang Qiling took a minute to respond, but finally his head bobbed the affirmative.

Wu Xie looked to Xie Yuchen and this time he smiled, if a touch sheepishly.

“All righty then,” Xie Yuchen said; looking pleased. “Let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling stood on the upstairs landing; his forearms propped on the railing as he looked down at the entry-way turned garden of Xie Yuchen’s house.

The mostly glass ceiling and the backdrop of nearly floor to ceiling windows let in the light of early morning, the sun just peeking up behind the taller buildings of the city surrounding them.

It was too early for most, and maybe even too early for him if the tiredness lingering in his body was any indication. Still, after the exceedingly strenuous nature of the previous day; he would have expected to be out for the count far more than just feeling a distant ache of fatigue.

His body was healing.

But could the same be said for his mind?

For the life of him he did not know.

He was in more or less the same place he’d been in as far as the reclamation of memories went as he’d been from the beginning.

He’d been building new ones, and rediscovering the muscle memories and emotional impressions of memories; but his mind was still just as blank as ever when he tried to put an intellectual story to those impressions.

Except for the few memories that had surfaced in his dreams about Golmud.

It was that thought that had driven him from bed before time; the desire to know and to understand.

And yet, he held himself back.

Wu Xie had said not to force things.

Maybe he was right …

But the questions remained nevertheless; growing more insistent seemingly with each passing moment.

There was a soft sound of fabric brushing thin marble tile; the sound so delicate that most would have missed it.

The step was far quieter than Wu Xie’s, Pangzi’s, or Xie Yuchen’s.

Zhang Qiling glanced up to find Hei Xiazi at the end of the hall that led to his and Xie Yuchen’s rooms.

Hei Xiazi stood where he’d come to a stop for a long moment, almost wishing for a redo on the decision to leave his young lover’s side; but the need for a re-up on painkillers had been a compelling one, and Xie Yuchen had nagged him sufficiently to talk him out of taking them on an empty stomach. He’d only just managed to appease the young man’s fussing about the sling he was supposed to be wearing and wasn’t, so he’d agreed to the compromise.

The surprise, so clear on Zhang Qiling’s open expression prompted him to break the suddenly charged silence. “I got in late last night,” Hei Xiazi explained, his tone somewhere between conversational and guarded; even as his feet betrayed him, taking him closer to the other man. “You were already asleep.”

Of course, those onyx eyes found the obvious bandaging taped over the bullet wound and surgical incision marring his shoulder, no shirt only emphasizing the tell-tale presence; and that unsettlingly vulnerable expression shifted from surprise towards concern and even troubled sympathy.

A pang of genuine feeling appeared in Zhang Qiling’s chest, banishing the current subject of his morning contemplations. The force of the emotion was deeper than it had ought to be probably. Another one of those reactions from a version of himself that he didn’t remember; but it was so strong and near the surface that it might as well have been his own in its entirety. Without a conscious thought’s prompting, Zhang Qiling reached out towards Hei Xiazi; his fingers brushing dark bruising from broken capillaries marring the man’s skin.

Hei Xiazi drew in a slightly sharp breath, though it was hardly from pain so much as an immediate physiological reaction to the torn-in-two impulse’s abrupt return.

The ache in him to be close with this man very nearly won.

Hei Xiazi stepped back. “I’m ticklish,” he grunted by way of excuse. The flicker of shadow that ghosted across Zhang Qiling’s expression informed him clearly enough that the man had not been fooled.

Still, Zhang Qiling let his hand drop back to his side.

“I didn’t expect you to be up yet…”

Xie Yuchen was in the mouth of the hallway now, wrapped in a silk bathrobe; his hair damp and hanging about his forehead.

“You zonked out pretty quickly after everything yesterday,” Xie Yuchen continued addressing Zhang Qiling. “I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d been the last of us awake rather than the first.” Slipping close to Hei Xiazi’s side Xie Yuchen entwined his fingers with the hand that wasn’t attached to an injured shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze.

“What happened yesterday?” Hei Xiazi questioned.

“Ah … Wu Xie and co. had a bit of an adventure involving The Xin Yue Hotel,” Xie Yuchen said smoothly.

“And why is now the first time I am hearing about this?” Hei Xiazi asked, his frown plain even with the glasses.

“Well, you got in so late last night; and I didn’t want to disturb you with a bunch of chit chat,” Xie Yuchen replied.

“Phones work too, you know. What happened?” Hei Xiazi’s own version of a protective side was making an appearance in his tone.

“This is a conversation we should probably have after food and coffee,” Xie Yuchen suggested.

“Xie Yuchen …” Hei Xiazi said with just the hint of a bite in his tone.

Xie Yuchen winced at the unusual lack of his gentler pet name on the man’s lips.

“I just got done being shot up by the 10^th Family or who knows who at this point; I’m not in the mood to pussyfoot around if there’s danger and an ‘adventure involving The Xin Yue Hotel’ is not generally a good thing,” Hei Xiazi stated in no uncertain terms.

“And if there was danger that wasn’t already handled do you think I’d have just forgotten to let you know when you got home last night?” Xie Yuchen insisted.

“I didn’t know you were here, Xiazi!”

A tousle-headed Wu Xie was the next person to arrive on the scene; punctuating his brightly toned sentence with a jaw-cracking yawn as he sidled up to Zhang Qiling.

Hei Xiazi scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Right,” Xie Yuchen took charge. “Food, pain meds, coffee, and then chatting.”

“Pain meds?” Wu Xie queried, catching sight of important things at almost the same instant. “What did I miss?”

Xie Yuchen started ushering them all along to the kitchen.

***

“You did what?!” Hei Xiazi was staring at Wu Xie incredulously a little while later in the morning.

“We stole The Jadeite Dragon Seal and then Xiǎogē had to keep a couple different crowds of people from beating us up,” Wu Xie reiterated.

“To be fair, I did not realize they were going to commit grand larceny when I agreed to get them into the auction,” Xie Yuchen said.

“It wasn’t planned,” Wu Xie admitted. “It kind of just happened.”

“How does grand larceny ‘just happen’?” Hei Xiazi questioned.

“Well,” Pangzi chimed in; having hunted everyone down after finding neither Wu Xie nor Zhang Qiling in their respective rooms. “It was getting pretty obvious that we weren’t going to be able to get our hands on the thing any other way; and we were already in big trouble because of Madam Huo tricking Wu Xie into lighting the lantern thing. So, I jokingly suggested stealing the thing … and I was mostly kidding by the way. But one of those hearing attendants heard me and decided I meant it; and it looked like we were going to get beat up regardless, so then Xiǎogē was just like ‘I’ll protect you’ and bing, bang, boom we ended up high tailing it out with the thing successfully at least.”

“And then Xie Yuchen brought us to see Madam Huo,” Wu Xie said.

“Who was about to have her goons beat us up anyway,” Pangzi said; looking like an upset mother hen again at the memory.

“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding telling me …” Hei Xiazi turned a not so pleasant look on Xie Yuchen.

Xie Yuchen refrained from wincing beneath the accusatory expression this time. “I had a feeling that you wouldn’t approve. But I wasn’t avoiding, merely … making sure the situation was optimal for a clear headed discussion before I told you this part. Once again, I did not know things were going to get that bad that fast; I’d not intended on putting Wu Xie let alone Zhang Qiling on Madam Huo’s radar for a while longer yet.”

“But, in the end it worked out even better than I had hoped, so that’s good right?” Xie Yuchen was scrutinizing Hei Xiazi though, expecting something.

“It was really stupid … all of it. Especially putting Yaba in this sort of situation while he’s as vulnerable as he is,” Hei Xiazi said.

“It was risky, yes,” Xie Yuchen agreed. “But now we know where both Madam Huo and Zhang Rishan stand. Also, that underestimating thing you keep saying you need to stop doing … I think you are doing it again.”

Hei Xiazi gave Xie Yuchen a flat look, opening his mouth to form a sharper retort.

“Hey, no fighting,” Pangzi interjected. “Xiǎogē’s had enough stress for at least a week all packed into one day. Today has been designated a fighting and stress-free day; light hearted pass-times only.”

Four sets of eyes looked to Zhang Qiling who was regarding all of them with a flat look of his own; but unlike Hei Xiazi’s displeased one, his was more bemused by the less harrowing rendition of the story as told through Wu Xie and Pangzi’s point of views.

“That’s actually a good idea,” Xie Yuchen said. “I could use a break from stressors myself.”

“Since Xiǎogē is doing so well, even after all of the things yesterday; maybe we should take him out to eat or something,” Wu Xie suggested. “Somewhere quiet of course, but we’ve been saying we were going to take him out for fun for a while and haven’t really had a chance to do so. All of our attempts turning stressful all of a sudden.”

“You know …” Xie Yuchen brightened. “There is this little out of the way theater and restaurant that might be just the thing.”

***       

“This wasn’t exactly what I thought of when Xie Yuchen mentioned a theater,” Pangzi admitted as he leaned back in his seat with a satisfied sigh. “But, I have to admit I think he was spot on about this being just exactly what the doctor ordered.”

Pangzi, Wu Xie, and Hei Xiazi’s attentions drifted as one to Zhang Qiling who looked quite content in the open air, courtyard restaurant they happened to be the only customers of at the moment. He’d even eaten rather well which was encouraging after his rather forced interest in both dinner the day before and breakfast that morning.

“I’m curious as to what you’ll have to say after this next bit,” Hei Xiazi said, letting his eyes drift away towards the stage.

“I’m excited,” Wu Xie said with a flash of a grin. “I’ve been super curious ever since Xie Yuchen mentioned that he liked traditional opera.”

“I’ve never really gotten the appeal of the traditional stuff myself,” Pangzi admitted. “Still, I expect it will be interesting regardless.”

The performance, which was really more of a practice session with Xie Yuchen and two of the musicians, was simply done; just a brief snippet of a solo production. But, after the stress of the previous day, it proved to be an ideal sort of distraction.

Xie Yuchen got to decompress by expressing his creative side; a side that no one of the group but Hei Xiazi had been privileged to witness up to this point.

Even Hei Xiazi seemed to relax, distracted from his Zhang Qiling related angst for a while; his attention brought back to pleasant remeniscings of the first time he’d discovered that the impressively competent youth who had earned his respect and interest on a job they’d been mutually hired for had an intriguingly soft and beautiful side like this.

That moment had been something of a formative one in the relationship that they’d been building since then.   

“What did you think?” Wu Xie asked Pangzi as the mini-performance came to a close. “I thought it was awesome.”

“I had no idea that Xie Yuchen could look so pretty,” Pangzi said with a grin.

“Xiao Hua …” Zhang Qiling murmured from where he’d been observing in his quiet way.

“What’s that?” Pangzi questioned.

“Didn’t Xuo Xiu Xiu call him that yesterday?” Wu Xie questioned.

“It’s something of a nickname,” Hei Xiazi said, studying Zhang Qiling surreptitiously. It was probably stupid, but he felt suddenly very desirous to know the stoic man’s take on the whole situation.

“It fits him,” Zhang Qiling said. “He’s pretty … like a little flower.” Unlike Pangzi’s teasing tone, Zhang Qiling’s tone was perfectly serious; and maybe even a touch appreciative.

Hei Xiazi found a smirk tugging at his lips in spite of himself. “I’m inclined to agree with your taste in the matter, Yaba.” He said with a hint of lightness in his tone that had been missing for a bit when addressing Zhang Qiling.

“Do you like pretty men, Menyouping?” Pangzi questioned. “I guess we never thought to wonder if you had a type. But then Xiazi isn’t at all pretty. Wu Xie though …” Pangzi scrutinized Wu Xie. “No, Wu Xie is more so cute than pretty.”

 Wu Xie went a little red in the face, ducking his head a bit.

“Xiazi, you would know better than anyone I suppose. Does Xiǎogē have a type?” Pangzi asked.

Hei Xiazi snorted softly. “I am not about to start discussing that subject with you young uns. You aren’t ready for the Yaba-likes list as far as attraction goes.”

“Really?” Pangzi questioned. “He has a list of types?”

Hei Xiazi rolled his eyes at Pangzi as he drained the last of a handful of beer cans collected on the table next to him.

Pangzi leaned shoulder to shoulder with Zhang Qiling instead, murmuring conspiratorially. “You know you can tell me anything, right? What kinds of people do you like, Xiǎogē?”

Zhang Qiling gave Pangzi a flat look that had about the same vibe as Hei Xiazi’s eye roll and Pangzi laughed.

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling stirred the chunky metal straw in his cup full of a predominately fruit based breakfast smoothie; his eyes periodically wandering around Xie Yuchen’s kitchen as he watched Pangzi, Xie Yuchen, and Hei Xiazi puttering around the kitchen island as they pieced together more breakfast items. Inevitably, his attention was drawn back to the other occupant of the table – the bright-faced Wu Xie who, more often than not, was also looking at him instead of the book he had open on the table’s surface in front of him.

That was the case now; and when his eyes met Wu Xie’s, Wu Xie offered him a smile that made his eyes seem to twinkle.

That expression on the young man’s face never failed to put a feeling of warmth in his chest, and Zhang Qiling found a tiny smile of his own effortlessly tugging at his lips in response.

“You look like you’re feeling better after relaxing yesterday,” Wu Xie commented happily; his heart swelling at the smile. Even just the fact that Zhang Qiling was contentedly enjoying food rather than forcing it down to appease his friend’s worries was a sign of that in and of itself.

Zhang Qiling dipped his head in a slight affirmative.

“Who wouldn’t be feeling cheerier after watching Xiao Hua’s performance?” Pangzi questioned; moving to the table with his hands full of food dishes.

Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi moved their direction too, settling more food choices fit to tempt the most reticent of appetites.

“I’m glad you all liked it,” Xie Yuchen said; looking pleased. He even seemed to enjoy the fact that both Wu Xie and Pangzi had started calling him by the more familial title; any hard feelings in regards to the steps he’d taken on their behalf seeming to have been forgotten.

Zhang Qiling’s eyes left Wu Xie briefly, following Hei Xiazi’s movements as he sat still and sipped his drink.

Hei Xiazi set down the dishes he’d brought before sliding into the seat next to Xie Yuchen’s; pretending that he was not hyper aware of the onyx gaze following him, and pretending that he was not fighting the urge to return that gaze and share the same vibe that had been flowing between the man and Wu Xie all morning.

More relaxed or not, he wasn’t at all inclined to step past the invisible wall he’d set up between himself and pursuing the offered emotional connection with the man.

“I’ve been meaning to mention,” Xie Yuchen announced to the trio at the table as he too settled with them to eat. “We are going to be joined by another guest at some point today. The reason I bring it up is that this friend of mine is in a bit of a hard spot and has recently found himself without a place to say; and I was wondering if, once we’ve gotten the security situation worked out, if you three wouldn’t mind putting him up at Wushanju for a little while.”

Wu Xie blinked in surprise as he was momentarily distracted from both his book and trading looks with Zhang Qiling. “I mean, I don’t personally have any objections,” Wu Xie said; looking to Pangzi and Zhang Qiling. “You’ve certainly done more than enough in the way of favors for us, and it’s not like we don’t have more than enough room.”

Pangzi gave an easy-going shrug. “It’s Wu Xie’s house, and I can’t really think of why I might have a problem with it as long as Xiǎogē is okay with it.”

Zhang Qiling gave a little unbothered shrug of his own.

“Then yes,” Wu Xie said. “Your friend can have the in-law quarters that shares the main courtyard. That should work out fine.”

Xie Yuchen smiled with mixed pleasure and just a hint of mischief.

“Do we know this friend of yours by chance?” Pangzi questioned.

Xie Yuchen’s smile broadened, the slight mischievous note strengthening as he needed his head. “You’ve actually worked with him rather recently. I’m sure you remember Liu Sang from our job in Tamutuo.”

Two of the three faces at the table altered immediately, Wu Xie’s becoming a bit uncertain and a touch skeptical; while Pangzi’s features became one of outright dismay, if his own facetious brand of it.

“Liu Sang!” Pangzi protested. “Living with us?!”

Wu Xie winced at his friend. “It won’t be that bad. He was actually pretty cool towards the end, and he even helped with Xiǎogē.”

Pangzi made a face as he continued to complain, “But he’ll be hearing everything we do and say. It will be weird.”

“It won’t be that bad,” Wu Xie said; though there was still a hint of doubt in his expression. “Besides, the in-law quarters are fully equipped as a separate living space with a kitchen and everything; so he might not even spend all that much time with us. Speaking of which, I should probably call Wang Meng and have him arrange to have the place freshened up and stocked since it’s not been used in forever.”

“That’s settled then,” Xie Yuchen said; amusement still plain in the set of his lips.

***

Liu Sang sat in the back of one of Xie Yuchen’s non-descript vehicles as he was driven through the early afternoon traffic of Beijing.

Not for the first time, he missed his expensive headphones; the noises of the city settling in too close for comfort on all sides with just the walls of the vehicle for buffer, and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was that which was causing the dull headache or the bruises and cuts decorating his face.

Most probably it was a combination of both with a side of stress chipping in.

Absently he shifted, tugging at the sleeve of his slightly oversized knit sweater. The object had the crisp feel of newness to it, as did everything else he was wearing; the carry-on sized luggage case on the seat next to him holding more new things.

((Current outfit + hairstyle more or less 😊))

They were nice things … Nicer than he usually bothered to purchase for himself at least. Xie Yuchen, or rather his secretary, had good taste in clothing.

Still, the items were not his own in a way that made him uncomfortable. The necessity of accepting them from his generous benefactor didn’t make him feel any less uneasy at the emphasis that necessity placed on how vulnerable and reliant upon others his current situation had rendered him.

That uneasiness followed him like the eerie feeling of being watched by something that was always just out of sight, or like an itch between the shoulder blades that one could never quite reach; stealing any interest in his surroundings and making him wish like anything that everything could go back to the normal boring day-to-day at once.

Before too long, the driver pulled to a stop in front of Xie Yuchen’s private residence, dropping him off just outside of the front door.

***

Xie Yuchen himself was there to greet Liu Sang with his usual welcoming smile and the genial warmth that rarely showed itself outside the walls of his home or with close friends.

“It’s good to have you safely here,” Xie Yuchen said after his initial offered welcome. “I’m hoping you found the accommodations at my clinic to be comfortable enough. I trust there’s no serious verdicts in regards to the injuries you sustained?”

“It was better than most hospitals at least,” Liu Sang admitted grudgingly. “And I’m more or less fine, just like I was telling Xiazi.”

“Excellent,” Xie Yuchen said; leading the way up the staircase to the second level as he spoke. “I didn’t get a chance to pass on the news, but you are actually not my only guests today,” he added. “With the 10^th family stirring, I invited the Wushanju crew over until we can get some security in place.”

“Who?” Liu Sang questioned in mild confusion; already prickling at the idea of having to socialize even more when all he wanted was his own home and to be doing his own thing without all of the tedium.

“Ah …” Xie Yuchen blinked in realization. “That would be Wu Xie, Pangzi, and Zhang Qiling. Wushanju is the name of Wu Xie’s family home in Hangzhou; it is also where you can stay longer term if needed, once some measures can be taken to secure things.”

The antisocial sentiments continued right up until the moment that Zhang Qiling’s name was mentioned.

“Ǒuxiàng?” he confirmed in mild disbelief; glancing around as if the man might be in sight right at that moment. Then the rest of what Xie Yuchen had said settled. “I’m going to be living with Ǒuxiàng?” Yep. He’d moved right past Wu Xie, Pangzi, and any of the objections that might have initially risen at that sort of prospect.

Because of course he did.

Xie Yuchen was only partially successful at suppressing the slight smile that the sudden enthusiasm sparked.

“They are all amenable to the idea if you are,” Xie Yuchen said.

Maybe the looming cloud of the 10^th family’s threat had a silver lining after all.

Chapter Text

“I want to watch them …”

It was early evening, a few hours after Liu Sang had arrived; and about an hour after Huo Xiu Xiu had turned up with Madam Huo’s ivory and wood box in hand.

Now Xie Yuchen, Hei Xiazi, The Iron Triangle, and Liu Sang were all in the living room; and the contents of said box were strewn across the coffee table with Wu Xie studiously going over each item and chattering away as only he could as everyone else looked on.

Zhang Qiling had sat wordlessly through every bit of it; tucked into the corner of the sofa, his legs curled underneath himself casually and his expression unreadable.

At first, many a concerned glance had been cast his way; but he’d remained so outwardly unruffled that almost all attention had shifted fully towards curious observation of Wu Xie and the items spread out in front of the young scholar – including, but not limited to, a very recognizable sculpted copper fish with serpents entwining it.

So, when he finally spoke those few words in his quiet and steady voice; a momentarily shocked silence followed.

“The tapes of … of …” Wu Xie was scared to say the name of the place; remembering the reactions that had come multiple times now when Golmud was the topic of conversation.

“You don’t have to protect me from the words,” Zhang Qiling said, reading the worry on Wu Xie’s face plainly. “I am okay. And I want to see them.”

“That is not a good idea,” Hei Xiazi said, his tone almost sharp with emphasis; his arms crossed tightly across his chest like a physical barrier to enforce the emotional one.

Zhang Qiling’s dark eyes shifted to Hei Xiazi’s with a rather pointed directness; but his tone was mild and still perfectly steady as he said “I still want to. I won’t try to force the memories. But, maybe seeing the videos will help.”

Hei Xiazi grimaced, dragging his eyes away from Zhang Qiling’s and not saying anything.

“I have the equipment for the VHS tapes,” Xie Yuchen offered mildly; making a point to not wince at the look Hei Xiazi shot at him.

“I think we should watch them then,” Wu Xie said after taking a steadying breath. “If Xiǎogē wants to, then we should honor his wishes.”

“What are we talking about?” Liu Sang questioned; intrigued by the various spikes of heartbeats and things that had moved around the room at the sudden shift in topic.

Wu Xie blinked a few times, surprise registering. “I guess you wouldn’t know … not a lot of people know,” he realized out loud. “Xiǎogē is it okay if I share this information? It’s your own past anyway.”

Zhang Qiling nodded.

Wu Xie considered briefly before explaining in summary. “This actually has to do with the 10^th family. They … well they captured Xiǎogē a long time ago and kept him for about 20 years in this really horrible place called Golmud Sanitorium. That’s what the video cassettes have on them … something to do with that place.”

Liu Sang’s eyebrows drew down into a dark sort of look. “The 10^th family did that?”

Wu Xie nodded, fully understanding the very anger written on Liu Sang’s sharp features.

“Has anyone considered that it might be time to take the fight to this 10^th family then?” Liu Sang questioned. “They can’t be allowed to get away with this sort of crap; and I for one don’t want to be caught like a sitting duck again.”

Xie Yuchen smiled slightly as he interjected himself into the conversation. “That is kind of the point of everything with the auction and Madam Huo and even this box. It’s all part of it,” he said. “The generations before us laid the foundations to ‘take the fight to them’; and it’s up to us to finish it. Zhang Qiling is a part of it … maybe even the biggest part … but we’re all involved. Especially now. Whether we want to be or not in some cases.”

“Would it help if I had my memories?” Zhang Qiling spoke again; having watched each speaker’s face as he listened avidly, drinking in what details he could even if a lot of it was over his head.

Hei Xiazi’s sigh was very nearly a frustrated growl. “This shouldn’t be your burden to bear, Yaba,” he said, shooting little glares at practically everyone else. “Not anymore. You’ve already done your part; let other people do the rest.”

“Maybe it would, and maybe it wouldn’t,” Xie Yuchen said, earning another look from Hei Xiazi. “But Hei Ye is right to some extent. This doesn’t need to be your focus anymore; you don’t need to force yourself for this. It would be enough if you could just get as well as you can. There really isn’t anything else we have the right or wish to ask of you.”

Zhang Qiling’s brow furrowed slightly and it took him a moment to form an answer “You don’t have to ask … if they are still a threat than I should do what I can. I want to.”

Hei Xiazi’s frustration boiled over then. “THIS is why you should have never dragged him into this whole mess with Madam Huo and the auction mess and all of it!” his voice and tone accusatory as he looked at Xie Yuchen and even at Wu Xie and Pangzi who had played a part in the whole thing, even if only by accident. “How is this fair to him? He’s already done more than anyone could … but because he’s Yaba, of course he’ll go right back to fighting to protect the lot of you whether he should or not.”

“It wouldn’t be just for them,” Zhang Qiling stated quietly. “It would be for you too … for everyone …” he met Hei Xiazi’s glasses covered eyes; then drifted towards that wounded shoulder briefly before looking back. He also glanced towards Liu Sang and the evidences of the young man’s encounter with the persons in question. Then he added “But it’s for me as well. I want to understand. I want to know who I am … and I want to finish whatever it was you said I was once a part of.”

Pain mixed with anger twisted Hei Xiazi’s features momentarily, his so called barrier faltering in spite of his determination to maintain emotional distance. “Yaba …” he started in pained protest at first; because there was no denying the recognition of the Yaba he had known in this moment in the willing self-sacrifice in the man’s words.

Zhang Qiling didn’t even remember what he was agreeing to fight against, or even really why … but because his friends were in danger and because the world was; he was agreeing to anyway. There was little else more Yaba-like than that.  

Hei Xiazi recoiled from the intensity of the sudden feelings; exchanging pain and the fear of more pain, and the fears for Zhang Qiling likely, for the far easier buffering anger.

“And what happens when you break again as a result?” Hei Xiazi snapped, his tone borderline cutting as he lashed out. “Don’t ask me to wait around and watch that happen,” he said. “Not again.” He steeled himself against the little flickers of something that was also like pain that drifted across Zhang Qiling’s eyes; knowing that the man likely didn’t even remember why he should be hurt by the words.

“Then I won’t …” Zhang Qiling said, his voice soft. “I won’t ask you to do something that hurts …”

That was a Yaba thing too … seeing right through the armor of anger to the real reason for it effortlessly; whether he remembered or not.

The metaphorical barriers around Hei Xiazi’s heart quaked at that, and he suddenly wanted to apologize; to beg the man for forgiveness … to open himself to any version of connection that Zhang Qiling wanted to have with him. He knew full well that the man did not deserve this behavior.

But instead, he just growled an emphatic “Good,” before spinning on his heel and stalking out of the room.

A tense silence followed the departure which Xie Yuchen finally broke with an apologetic, “He doesn’t really mean it when he gets like that … I’m sure he’ll calm down in a little while.”

“I know,” Zhang Qiling said quietly, though he was not entirely sure how he did. He was realizing that he knew Hei Xiazi in a very similar way to how he knew Wu Xie and Pangzi; some part of his soul remembering the emotional ties even if he could not remember the stories.

Xie Yuchen studied Zhang Qiling with a briefly considering and approving look before returning to the topic that had been broached before Hei Xiazi’s outburst. “I’ve already promised to back you; I will support whatever you want in this matter as well. You seem more than capable of understanding the risks involved; and as Wu Xie indicated before, it is your right to do as you like with anything in regards to your past and memories. Besides, Madam Huo sent the box for you as it is.”

“I want to watch the tapes,” Zhang Qiling said in emphatic conclusion.

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling woke in a place of darkness.

Was he awake?

Some tiny part of his mind seemed to insist that all might not be as it seemed; but his current memory had no reference point for why that might be the case.

He was laying on a gravel path, the little bits of stone biting into his skin through a thin cotton top and thin cotton pants; and when he pushed himself up to get a better view of his surroundings, he was greeted only by the sight of thick dark forest pressing in on either side of the path. The sky above was dark too, a full moon obscured by swiftly scuttling clouds.

Had he been here before?

Zhang Qiling shook his head, as if it might shake the memories lurking on the edge of his awareness loose; but nothing came. So, he pushed himself up to his feet; his bare feet protesting the sharp edges of each minute bit of gravel pressing against them.

A familiar tug came that was similar almost to the feel of the thread drawing him to pursue the memories of his past. It grew in insistence, tugging at his chest and prompting him to start moving in the direction of its pull.

Maybe his memories were at the end of this path?

Zhang Qiling began to walk; and as the inexorable drawing continued to intensify, he began to run. He was only dimly aware of the sharp edges of the gravel now, even as they cut into his feet and he began to leave a trail of crimson droplets behind him.

A trail that something would follow.       

He did not know how he knew that, but he was suddenly sure of that fact in the strange nonsensical way of dreams.

The path opened upon a large, derelict building whose familiarity seemed to echo in the emptiness left by his memories; and still the inexplicable pull coaxed him onwards towards those doors.

He moved through dark, abandoned halls … hadn’t he just been seeing these same halls on a screen?

The more lucid thought slid away.

His feet carried him onwards and downwards; leaving crimson footprints in the debris and muck of years of neglect that cluttered the floor, as he entered the basement of the institution.

Zhang Qiling passed a room with a large observation window … a medical bay of sorts with a fancy medical table. Had there been a woman strapped to a table like this? He could have sworn he’d just seen …

His feet carried him on until a door opened into a large room with a large cage at its center; and standing in the center of that cage was a woman with a familiar face.

A mental image of himself and Wu Xie watching this same face on a screen surfaced and the dream seemed to quake a little; his conscious mind trying to establish a hold.

It was a dream wasn’t it?

But why did it feel like it was more. Like he’d been here before; maybe even had a similar dream before?

Even here, in the dream, he wanted to remember.

“You left me!” the woman said, dragging Zhang Qiling’s attention back into the sequence of the dream.

“You abandoned me to this hell! You promised!”

A pang stirred in Zhang Qiling’s chest; that knowing of his soul confirming.

He’d failed, hadn’t he? Had he? Why couldn’t he remember?   

“It’s your fault!”

The voice was changing, deepening; alarm bells going off in Zhang Qiling’s head. There was a sound behind him, but when he spun there was only darkness; not even the door out of the room could be seen through the thickness of it.

He spun back.

The darkness was moving, closing in on the woman in the cage first; devouring her. Then it morphed and warped, pouring through the bars of the cage and oozing towards him.

“Did you really think you could escape; you pain whore slut?” A voice just on the edge of familiarity sneered from the roiling darkness.

“You’ll never escape!”

Even the voice seemed to warp, taking on a double timbre of a posh detached quality that made his skin try to crawl.

The darkness shifted, feeding into a vaguely humanoid shape that lunged for him; hands with vicious claws outstretched reaching for him.

It was just a dream … he thought that in that last moment of clarity.

But then the claws were ripping at him; tearing into his belly and the sensations were so vivid with the sort of memory that his body held of things his mind had not retained, that conscious thought and reasoning fled.

“It’s all your fault!” the darkness hissed again.

And, for one awful moment, some part of Zhang Qiling’s soul felt that it was true.

Then the darkness began to shred his body apart and his mind fled all together.

***   

Liu Sang had been tossing and turning for a while; unrest from the unfamiliar surroundings and his precarious situation regarding the 10^th family chasing sleep away.

Perhaps that was the reason that he heard it … or perhaps he would have woken anyway at the sudden shift in the constant background of soft sounds that he’d long ago learned to partly tune out.

He’d become so used to the soothing sound of that singularly unique slow beat, that the change registered immediately.

Zhang Qiling’s heartbeat and breathing had been different; a fact that Liu Sang had noticed in the first few minutes after his arrival at Xie Yuchen’s.

Before it had been slower than average and almost perfectly steady; each inhale as even as every exhale, each beat as uniform as the others as if the man had learned to control it somehow.

Now, the conscious regulation was gone; but the cadence of those natural rhythms was still naturally slower and steadier than any human Liu Sang had ever encountered. The sounds a sort of signature, denoting the man from the rest of the physical sounds in the backdrop of his awareness.

Then suddenly they were accelerating; the heart rate beginning to race and stutter, the breathing reaching the point of hyperventilation alarmingly quickly. The clues of something being wrong were there long before he heard the first soft muffled cry; the sound still too quiet for most to have heard without his sensitive hearing.

Liu Sang was shimmying out of bed without hesitation; though at first, he was listening for the sounds of threat to explain the distress. Not hearing any, he left his room and made a beeline towards Zhang Qiling’s room.

Once there, he hesitated outside the closed door; suddenly unsure of himself.

“Ǒuxiàng?” Liu Sang whispered finally; tapping lightly on the door at first.

When there was no response, he ventured a quiet “Ǒuxiàng?” again; his hand falling to the door knob, then turning it.

Zhang Qiling’s entire body was quaking beneath the blankets; desperate, ragged gasps wracking him painfully as he flinched and cringed against the pillows.

Liu Sang faltered at first, feeling thoroughly unprepared to see the man like this. Even after seeing the contents of the three video tapes, the man had seemed so calm; even to Liu Sang’s hearing. Clearly there had been an affect anyway.

“Ǒuxiàng?” he faltered; forcing himself to move to the edge of the bed.

Zhang Qiling’s eyes were partly open, vacant gaze shifting around beneath lowered eyelids as he struggled to even catch enough of a breath to make the soft sounds of unnamed anguish catching in his throat; his fingers wringing the life out of the sheets on which he lay.

At a loss for what else to do, Liu Sang turned and hurried out of the room; making a beeline for the next room over.

Not even bothering to knock this time, Liu Sang burst through into Wu Xie’s sleeping quarters.

“Wu Xie!” Liu Sang snapped; moving to shake the young man. “Wu Xie, wake up!”

Wu Xie had also had a difficult time wooing sleep; unable to stop picturing Zhang Qiling in the images that the tapes had held of things that had been done to Huo Ling. Unable to push away how similar that last tape had seemed; recording vacant littered halls like the ones he’d seen when he’d stepped into Zhang Qiling’s subconscious shortly after Tamutuo.

But, he had finally managed to drift off; and now he was slow in rising, mumbling confused sounds as he rose towards awareness.

“Liu Sang?” he queried; his words slurred. “What …”

“Something is wrong with Zhang Qiling!” Liu Sang announced; pulling the covers away from the still half-asleep Wu Xie and trying to pull him out of the bed too.

As the words registered, Wu Xie didn’t need the prompting anymore though. “Something’s wrong?” he reiterated, stumbling his way upright and starting across the room before he’d even managed to scrub the sleep from his eyes.

“It’s like a nightmare or something, but I don’t think he’s actually asleep,” Liu Sang said; following because he didn’t know what else to do.

Wu Xie’s heart sank at the words even as he hurried to Zhang Qiling’s already open door.

Zhang Qiling was still struggling for a properly deep breath, the entire bed shaking with the force of the tremors going through him. Even as Wu Xie and Liu Sang reentered the room, an agonized raw sort of cry came from deep in his chest as he writhed on the mattress; his head turning into the pillow as groan after gut wrenching groan came between the panting gasps.

“Xiǎogē …” Wu Xie’s voice cracked a little as he went immediately to the bedside; a little bit alarmed at the violence of the reaction after weeks of far less demonstrative responses even when waking from the occasional nightmare or getting triggered.

Placing a hand on Zhang Qiling’s shoulder, Wu Xie shook him gently; but the man didn’t seem at all aware of his presence. Then, Zhang Qiling was gagging, half-strangling on the hyperventilating pace his body had escalated to.

“Xiǎogē …” Wu Xie’s brain scrambled; trying to think of a way to get the man out of the reaction before he asphyxiated. Grabbing both of the man’s shoulders he pulled Zhang Qiling upright to a seated position and into his arms. “Xiǎogē it’s okay, you’re safe. It’s alright, it’s just a dream,” he murmured insistently.

Zhang Qiling’s hands released the sheets, curling into Wu Xie’s t-shirt instead; cringing against him.

“Wuuuuu Xxxiieeee …” the name came out with the same desperate tone as that raw cry; Zhang Qiling pulling at Wu Xie’s shirt as he strained himself tightly against the man’s body, groaning breathlessly against the t-shirt clad shoulder.

A shock went through Wu Xie at the realization that Zhang Qiling was lucid. That had never happened before that he knew. The man would have his reaction, lost in his mind and whatever horror; barely aware of the world. And normally, after lucidity returned, he would calm.

There was nothing calm now as Wu Xie wrapped his arms tightly around the slight, violently trembling form.

“Shhh …” Wu Xie murmured. “I’m right here. It’s okay. You’re safe, it was just a dream …”

Zhang Qiling was shaking his head against Wu Xie’s shoulder though, denying the last words; because he knew… some part of him did at least; in the way he intuited so many things that made no sense to his broken mind. He could feel that it had been real somehow that his body recognized; and now his body was venting a reaction that had been locked up inside it for who knew how long.

“Not a dream?” Wu Xie questioned; confused and even a little frightened in the face of the force of the reaction wracking Zhang Qiling’s body.

Zhang Qiling nodded, his features twisting with a grimace as a lightheaded sick feeling reminded him of the lack of sufficient oxygen actually making it into his lungs as he gasped against the side of Wu Xie’s neck.

Nausea twisted in Zhang Qiling’s belly, vivid and overpowering everything as his gag reflex triggered. He forced himself to pull back from the semi-grounding comfort of Wu Xie’s body; but didn’t make it all that far before he was retching … his body trying to dispel something. It was like the darkness was inside him; and his body was fighting to eject it.

Again and again Zhang Qiling retched, trying to vomit up the feel of whatever it was that had happened; bringing up the remnants of his dinner and when there was nothing else in his stomach just dry heaving so hard dark blotches blurred his vision.

Eventually the lack of oxygen was what stopped the more extreme visceral physical response; and Zhang Qiling sagged back against Wu Xie; still gasping, grimacing, and trying to cling at once.

“Liu Sang, can you help me get him to the bathroom?” Wu Xie asked, remembering the other man for the first time and looking to him with the request.

Liu Sang almost missed the words at first; frozen as he was by the sight of it all. Brutally recalled to memories of his own … panicked nights of his own … Though, to be fair, he’d never had quite this level of a panic attack before. There was something especially terrible about seeing his Ǒuxiàng going through something this horrid; but it was also deeply relatable in ways that might have made him go all prickly and guarded if it had been anyone else.

Blinking back to the present, Liu Sang just nodded silently.

“Xiǎogē, Liu Sang and I are going to help move you; is that okay?” Wu Xie asked tentatively.

Zhang Qiling was still shuddering and breathing too hard to form words; so he just bobbed his head against Wu Xie’s shoulder.

Chapter Text

“Here let’s just sit him on the bench,” Wu Xie directed; grateful once again for Xie Yuchen’s foresight in giving Zhang Qiling the room with the invalid-friendly shower that was both large and equipped with built in seating.

Liu Sang complied, bracing Zhang Qiling’s trembling body and easing the man to a seat before stepping back and feeling uncomfortable and out of place without a set task, but not quite feeling like he should just leave now.

“Is there something we can do to help him calm down?” Liu Sang asked; shifting his weight a little as awkwardness and uncertainty replaced the initial driving purpose of getting Wu Xie to come to his idol’s aid.

“I don’t know,” Wu Xie admitted. “I’ve never seen him have quite this sort of reaction before.” Wu Xie’s big, worried brown eyes studied Zhang Qiling as the trembling man hunched in place with his arms braced on his knees; struggling to slow his breathing and reclaim some semblance of control over an uncooperative body. “Xiǎogē, I’m going to help get your shirt off so you’re not covered in sick, okay?”

Zhang Qiling had his eyes closed, trying to wrangle with his body; and at least get some semblance of mental separation from the maelstrom of the trauma response wracking it. Wu Xie’s words reached him distantly from beyond the deafening sound of his heart thundering in his ears, and he nodded; still not opening his eyes, but shifting to let Wu Xie do as he liked.

Aching with commiseration and concern, Wu Xie peeled the soiled t-shirt from Zhang Qiling’s body; tossing it across the room towards the hamper. He missed the throw … but it didn’t matter at this moment as he gently braced Zhang Qiling’s shoulders; his eyes finding the slowly darkening shadow etching its way across the man’s slender chest, shoulder, and arm.

“Your tattoo is showing up,” Wu Xie noted; biting on his lower lip as he frowned with consternation. Delicately he brushed his fingers against the nape of Zhang Qiling’s neck, right at the base of the man’s skull as he’d seen Hei Xiazi do before. There was an unnatural heat blossoming there and beginning to spread and amplify the already naturally heightened heat in Zhang Qiling’s body, as the secondary energy responded to the acute stress.

Liu Sang shifted his weight some more, feeling disconcertingly like a third wheel; though romance didn’t entirely play into the situation. He had been an admirer of all things Zhang Qiling before he knew what the man looked like; and he would be straight up lying if he denied that he was very appreciative of the physical aesthetics accompanying the idolization. But, just now, enjoying the shirtless-ness or indulging his fascination at the slow emerging of the tattoo on Zhang Qiling’s skin felt out of place.

Casting his eyes around the room, Liu Sang seized upon at least one thing that he could offer with almost frantic relief. Leaving the shower and the chronically worrying Wu Xie, Liu Sang availed himself of the objects sitting on the counter near the sink; returning and holding out a toothbrush and toothpaste towards Wu Xie.

Wu Xie blinked, his wonderings about if he should wake up Hei Xiazi briefly interrupted.

“I know I always feel gross after throwing up unless I brush my teeth,” Liu Sang offered.

Wu Xie looked absently at the offered things for a moment; then a decisiveness took over his worried uncertainties. “Maybe that’s what we should do,” Wu Xie said, taking the items. “We might not be able to stop the reaction, but doing the little things we can do might help.” He looked down at Zhang Qiling’s bowed head. “I’m going to help get you cleaned up the rest of the way,” Wu Xie said. “Then if you’re still having trouble, we’ll figure out other things okay?”

Zhang Qiling bobbed his head, and Wu Xie relaxed a little; glad to have something to do besides just watch the man struggle. Squeezing some toothpaste onto the brush he offered it to the man. “Here. Maybe just going to through the motions of normal everyday stuff will help your body calm down,” Wu Xie suggested.

Raising his head, Zhang Qiling forced his eyes open so he could find Wu Xie’s face; reading the earnest and eager desire to help there, so he took the brush obediently and began wielding it with an unsteady clumsiness as the younger man had directed.

Wu Xie’s encouraging smile that momentarily replaced the worry was worth the effort that it took to focus his attention on something other than his body’s ongoing revolt.

When Zhang Qiling had finished with the toothbrush Wu Xie handed the brush and toothpaste to Liu Sang to give the other man something to do.

“I’m going to help get your sweat pants off,” Wu Xie said next. “Then I’ll help you shower, and see if we can’t keep you from getting any warmer.”

“Uh …” Liu Sang had to draw the line right about there. “If you don’t need me right now, I think I’ll head back to my room,” he said.

“I think we’ll be okay,” Wu Xie said. “Thank you for coming to get me.”

Liu Sang grimaced a little but he just added “Call if you need me … I’ll hear,” he made a vague gesture towards his ear before hastily turning away and making an exit. Nope … he did not need to be thinking about Zhang Qiling and showers under any circumstances let alone current ones.

Wu Xie eyed the spot where Liu Sang had disappeared for a moment before turning his attention back to Zhang Qiling.

“Can you stand?” he asked first. “You can hold onto me if you need to.”

Zhang Qiling shifted to his feet; his movements uncharacteristically clumsy, but he just put his hands on Wu Xie’s shoulders as the young man’s hands moved to his waistband and slipped it down past his hips.

Without messing with the boxers, Wu Xie drew Zhang Qiling closer to the shower head as he turned the water on; adjusting it to somewhere just past tepid, then directing Zhang Qiling beneath the flow.

“Do you want to sit back down, or is this okay?” Wu Xie asked; studying Zhang Qiling’s lowered eyelids and watching the still too rapid and heavy rise and fall of the man’s chest.

Zhang Qiling didn’t answer, instead he tangled his fingers into Wu Xie’s shirt front as he had at first; tugging Wu Xie closer, then stepping to press against the young man.

Wu Xie hesitated at first, then he just eased his arms around Zhang Qiling’s back; letting the space between them vanish completely.

Zhang Qiling let his head rest where it fit naturally alongside Wu Xie’s, nestled against the place where the young man’s neck and shoulder met; aching for more of the grounding contact … grounding him to a reality that felt strangely insubstantial at the moment.

As his body still struggled to reclaim its equilibrium, Zhang Qiling groaned softly; shifting his arms around Wu Xie, as his hands found their way beneath the now soaked t-shirt as they sought more contact. Instinct prompted and he responded, nuzzling against Wu Xie’s neck.

His lips found the naked skin of Wu Xie’s throat, brushing first; just seeking a strong enough contact and connection to remind his body that he was in the present and not in whatever hellscape he’d been remembering in the form of a too vivid and twisted nightmare.

With each contact, more instinct stirred from a place somewhere beyond the panicked reaction; and Zhang Qiling acted on those tiny glimmers of something real and sensory and solid.

Brushing became a tasting and a kiss as his arms strained Wu Xie’s torso against his body; his tongue and lips both experiencing Wu Xie’s body instead of his own rebelling one.

Wu Xie’s skin seemed to tingle at the contact as he pushed away the off balance feeling at the sudden change in types of contact. “Does it help?” he murmured. “Does the closeness help?”

Zhang Qiling just strained him closer which was affirmative enough.

And to Wu Xie, that was all that mattered really …

For the first time that Wu Xie could remember in these moments of exploratory intimacy, his brain stopped its incessant overthinking as he surrendered whole heartedly to the touches; letting his eyes close.

Zhang Qiling’s teeth grazed over the skin of Wu Xie’s throat where he’d just tasted and kissed, nipping slightly as the young man murmured in surprise; a thrill that Zhang Qiling could feel on an extrasensory level going through the full of Wu Xie’s body. Lapping his tongue over the teased spot, Zhang Qiling moved down to where Wu Xie’s shoulder and neck joined; his lips pressing, sucking … His teeth nipping … his tongue caressing.

Wu Xie’s fingers curled into Zhang Qiling’s bare back as his body awoke with flooding sensation, the tiny pains unexpectedly pleasurable; the needy intensity of the man turning every touch to magic.

Zhang Qiling continued the work he had started of hiking Wu Xie’s t-shirt off; pulling it up and, with Wu Xie obliging by raising his arms, removing it entirely. His fingers found the waistband of Wu Xie’s pants, sending them to the shower floor too.

Now with better access to the contact his body craved, Zhang Qiling continued where he left off; trying to lose himself in the primal drives of basic instinct, his too rapid and shuddering breaths ever so slightly beginning to deepen and shift.

Zhang Qiling hands touched, not seeking so much to stimulate as to simply drink in the sensations of skin on skin; his body pressing back against Wu Xie until the younger man was willingly trapped between him and the shower wall. Smoothing his palm over Wu Xie’s chest, his fingers gripped firmly into the musculature; his touches rougher than they’d been during any of the previous sessions, driven as they were by the desperation to reconnect with the solidness of physicality.

At Wu Xie’s soft gasp, Zhang Qiling lifted his head; coming to linger almost forehead to forehead and nose to nose with the other man, his lowered lids raising slowly to look into Wu Xie’s face.

Wu Xie’s head had come to rest back against the shower wall in that last moment as he bit down on his lower lip: realizing as if for the first time just how strong the man was; struck by how much had been held back and likely still was being held back during previous explorations; recognizing the gentleness of the man even now, as shadowed dark eyes searched his face just in case.

“It’s okay …” Wu Xie said, his voice a tad breathless himself. “It really is okay; whatever you need.” And he meant it in all of his innocent desire to help, his fingers tightening into Zhang Qiling’s shoulders as if to pull him closer too … though he was pretty sure ‘closer’ was an impossibility even if the man seemed like he might not be content short of climbing inside him.  

Zhang Qiling kissed Wu Xie then, gently at first; then gentleness melted back into need driven intensity as he caressed and gripped over Wu Xie’s body and kissed into the soft and welcoming mouth as erratic breathing gradually became heated, and the uncontrolled tremors grew less volatile.

When Zhang Qiling’s eyes met Wu Xie’s again, they were still shadowed; but there was some lessening of the distress in the intensity. The intensity itself had not lessened though, and there was a hint of it in his tone as he murmured an unsteady “Touch me …”

There was no missing the need in either expression or tone and Wu Xie’s heart responded with an ache to sate that need … to provide the comfort that Zhang Qiling was seeking in this intimacy and closeness.

Wu Xie’s hands moved almost of their own accord as he unwrapped his arms from Zhang Qiling’s body; his fingers brushing Zhang Qiling’s chest then spreading as he pressed his palm against the darkening shadow of the tattoo. He could feel the too fast beat of Zhang Qiling’s heart under his hand and impulsively he shifted enough so he could press his lips to the same spot; continuing to revel in the feel of the man’s skin as he touched, showing more tenderness than roughness in his own exploration.

Cautiously, Wu Xie brushed his fingertips to the perfect round of soft pink nestled in amongst the sinuous lines of the Qilin; touching with more pointed attention to Zhang Qiling’s left nipple, feeling the man’s breath stutter slightly.

Zhang Qiling’s breath deepened, his chest pressing lightly into the delicate contact as tingles stirred across his own skin; and Wu Xie looked up at him. Not finding anything to indicate a negative response, Wu Xie grew bolder; gently rubbing and teasing the tiny nub until it stiffened, then he shifted and pressed his lips to that too.

Cheeks burning, but eyes shining; Wu Xie encircled the tender areola with his lips and suckled once then licked it, feeling the rise and fall of Zhang Qiling’s chest continue to slow and deepen. Carefully he took the erect nub in his teeth. He didn’t apply pressure enough for it to count as the little pinches Zhang Qiling had given; just stimulating with the presence of the sharpness and giving a little tug.

Zhang Qiling’s hand shifted, fingers tangling into Wu Xie’s hair; and Wu Xie smiled around Zhang Qiling’s nipple in brief satisfaction. Still teasing the sensitive nipple, Wu Xie spread his palm against Zhang Qiling’s belly this time; enjoying the up close and personal proof that the man had regained at least a little of the weight that had been lost post Tamutuo.

Zhang Qiling tightened his fingers in Wu Xie’s hair; pulling back slightly, just enough to give some meaningful tension and Wu Xie released his nipple, leaving it a more vivid pink than before.

Wu Xie tilted his head back, his eyes still shining but questioning; though he didn’t have to question long as Zhang Qiling kissed him again. This time Zhang Qiling kept kissing him as he moved to his knees on the floor of the shower; drawing Wu Xie down too and positioning him with little guiding touches until he was flat on his back with the magnificence that was Zhang Qiling leaning over him.

Water from the broad showerhead in the middle of the shower ceiling cascaded down over Zhang Qiling’s sheltering body; droplets beading in his unruly hair and dripping occasionally onto Wu Xie’s face as said body was partially propped over him and partly pressed against him.

Wu Xie could feel a telltale firmness of a boxer clad length featuring prominently against his thigh; and he could already feel the uncomfortable pressure of his own raging erection throbbing between his legs.

He half expected for Zhang Qiling to suddenly call an end to the proceedings as he had previously; but all he had to do was look up into the face looking down at him to know that stopping was not likely just now.

In spite of the visual cues, Wu Xie still yelped softly when Zhang Qiling’s fingers trailed down his belly and past the waistband of his boxers; feeling for and then finding that very thing.

Onyx eyes searched wide brown ones as a warm hand just suggestively rested against Wu Xie’s hard on; with just the insubstantial barrier of boxer short fabric in between.

Wu Xie reached up, slipping his arms around Zhang Qiling’s neck as he smiled with encouragement to let the man know that everything was okay.

With the silent but clear consent, Zhang Qiling began feeling over the length of Wu Xie’s erect penis exploratorily; keeping the boxer fabric in between for now, but Wu Xie could have cared less as his hips immediately attempted to buck up into the contact.

For a moment, Wu Xie thought he saw the faintest lightening of Zhang Qiling’s expression; something hinting at amusement in the softly parted lips and the less averted gaze.

Slowly, Zhang Qiling began to manipulate Wu Xie’s anatomy through the cloth; familiarizing himself with the shape and placement of the sensitive member while Wu Xie continued to twitch and mew, barely managing to stop from bucking again with reflexive impatience. Once he was satisfied with the feel of things, Zhang Qiling began to rub his hand over Wu Xie’s erection; the movements starting out uncertain but gradually gaining confidence and finesse with each passing moment – relearning this in the same fashion that he learned everything else.

Continuing the slow stroke, Zhang Qiling leaned down and began to kiss Wu Xie’s throat as the young man arched against the stone tile of the shower floor, then he found Wu Xie’s mouth again; kissing between Wu Xie’s soft frantic sounds of overwhelming sensation, and finally just lingering close and watching the man’s face and expressions as pleasure overflowed.

Wu Xie cried out against his ‘muffling’ palm as he climaxed; trying and failing to do a good job at stifling the sound as he gasped and mewled his way through the ebb and flow of orgasm.

Wide-eyed and panting in the afterglow, Wu Xie slumped flat on his back again; watching as Zhang Qiling eased to lay on his side next to him, pillowing his head on an arm and watching Wu Xie right back.

The shadow was still in the man’s eyes, but the physical reactions to whatever it had been had finally stopped.

Wu Xie turned on his side too; ignoring the pelting water as he studied Zhang Qiling’s face.

“Did you want me to …?” Wu Xie asked; not quite bold enough to just follow the man’s example in this particular case without double checking.

There was a brief hesitation before Zhang Qiling shifted a shoulder in a slight shrug; but the uncertainty on his face didn’t seem to have a negative connotation.

“I guess you probably wouldn’t remember what it feels like,” Wu Xie realized out loud. “So, you won’t know if you like it or not.” Considering a moment, Wu Xie reached across the slight space between their bodies; trailing his fingers absently over Zhang Qiling’s chest. “Well, we can always stop if you start to not like it,” he said. “You just have to let me know, okay?”

Zhang Qiling nodded without the hesitation this time.

Wu Xie had to work moisture back into a suddenly dry mouth as hints of stage fright tried to sneak their way to the surface. “I’ve never done this before so I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it,” he admitted; feeling a return of heat to his cheeks.

Zhang Qiling brushed his two sensitive fingers to Wu Xie’s cheek; no doubt at the spot that heat was coloring.

Wu Xie felt his uncertainty seeping away as fathomless eyes looked back into his; the gaze holding his with that magnetic force he’d felt a few times, including the first time they’d met on a mountain top.

Not breaking that gaze, Wu Xie let his fingers follow the line of Zhang Qiling’s body; back down over the man’s chest, along his ribs and down his side until they found the elastic band of the boxers to inform him he was in the right spot. He felt unable to pull his eyes away; but he didn’t really want to as some inexplicable connection seemed to charge the air between and around them.

His fingers slipped past the waistband and down over the hard structure of a hipbone towards the all important juncture he sought, his fingertips just barely brushing the base of a tell-tale firmness; and Wu Xie watched Zhang Qiling’s lips part around a soft intake. He let his hand slip down further until he was cupping the man’s sex; and this time Zhang Qiling’s breath was deeper and not as silent, his eyelids fluttering closed and then open again to meet Wu Xie’s gaze.

Wu Xie felt fresh heat tingling through his skin, and he dimly wondered if just feeling and watching these subtle signs of intimate pleasure from the other man might be enough to get him turned on all over again.

Slowly, Wu Xie navigated by feel; finding the shaft and the head with an exploratory pass, gently palming the shape of scrotum – and all the while watching the play of micro expressions and listening to quiet sounds of Zhang Qiling’s arousal. He didn’t want to miss a single one of them; etching each one into his memory.

Wu Xie gently wrapped his hand around the shape of Zhang Qiling’s shaft where it rested against the man’s groin; applying a light stimulating pressure before beginning to clumsily stroke the length through the fabric.

Zhang Qiling’s right hand moved to rest on Wu Xie’s hip; just for contact at first, with periodic firmer grips as the erotic energy in his body continued to climb. Sometimes he unconsciously tugged … wanting other things he only had vague impressions of … a different sort of connection between his body and Wu Xie’s. But for now there was Wu Xie’s hand coaxing his body to an abandonment of stress and anxieties; and even thoughts and impressions were temporarily banished as basic instincts took over.

There was no crying out for Zhang Qiling, but deep shuddering gasps of pleasure instead of panic gusted past open lips; his eyelids fluttering, his grip becoming a vise on Wu Xie’s hip as he leaned closer his forehead brushing the younger man’s as the intensity of raw sexual gratification rushed through his body.

Wu Xie slipped his arm around Zhang Qiling’s middle, just keeping close and still; holding Zhang Qiling lightly as the man’s body began to calm, muscles relaxing tangibly, eyelids slow blinking as he processed the experience. Wu Xie’s own eyes began to water as he himself processed what had just happened. Zhang Qiling had just experienced the height of sexual pleasure with no bad reaction in sight; and he was the one the man had trusted enough to be able to experience what might very well have been Zhang Qiling’s first willing and purely pleasureable orgasm since Golmud.   

 With a heart that was suddenly too full for suppression, Wu Xie’s tears spilled over.

A tiny furrow of confusion appeared between Zhang Qiling’s eyebrows as his sensitive index finger caught one of the unexpected drops.

“It’s okay,” Wu Xie managed; one of his big and bright smiles appearing in spite of himself. “They’re happy tears.”

Chapter Text

An uncomfortable tension permeated the air, offsetting the normal peaceful vibes that Xie Yuchen had worked to cultivate in his kitchen. The kitchen was supposed to be a stress free zone; but today it wasn’t, as the wall that Hei Xiazi had put up the night before remained in full force.

The man was there at least … going through the motions of helping him prepare breakfast; but he was silent and standoffish instead of sweet and clingy, or sassy and teasing as he was most mornings.

Stopping what he was doing, Xie Yuchen moved behind Hei Xiazi where the other man stood glumly chopping things for side dishes. Wrapping his arms around Hei Xiazi’s torso, he murmured the pet name “Hei Ye …” with a bit of a pout on his pretty face.

Normally, such an uncharacteristic mannerism would have been more than enough to draw the man out of most funks at least a little.

“What?” Hei Xiazi asked, his tone mild enough; but edged and with no hint of a reciprocation of the lighter-hearted vibe.

Xie Yuchen sighed, frowning a little. “Hei ‘Ye,” he insisted; moving around to stop the absent chopping, catching Hei Xiazi’s hands and trying to get more of the man’s attention.

“This isn’t like you,” Xie Yuchen continued. “The hotheadedness maybe, but usually you get over it … is this still about Zhang Qiling wanting to get his memories about Golmud back?”

Hei Xiazi tensed. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he stated; his tone sharp this time.

“Xiazi.” Xie Yuchen said more firmly; bristling a bit at how dismissive the words and tone were. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about that in particular; but you aren’t talking about anything and are avoiding everything, even me. You’re having a hard time and I’m sorry about that, but please don’t take it out on me. It hurts, Xiazi.”  

Hei Xiazi winced a little beneath the directness of the words. He was used to Xie Yuchen meeting his moodiness with that lovely soft side of his. The bluntness was a clear sign that his feelings were being trampled on, and if there was one thing the beautiful flower of a man wasn’t; he was not someone who tolerated being walked over like a doormat.

“Fuck … I’m sorry,” Hei Xiazi breathed the sigh as he scrubbed his hand over his face; grimacing. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me …”

Xie Yuchen’s expression softened again, a gentle smile and commiseration becoming plain on his features. “Would you like me to enlighten you?” he asked gently.

Hei Xiazi grimaced; not entirely sure he was in the right mindset to be psychoanalyzed by his very perceptive boyfriend.

Apparently that was a “type” thing of his too … Yaba had been, and maybe still was, someone who could read him like a book as well.

“For being one of the bravest and strongest men that I know, you have a bad habit of running the other way the moment emotions get too heavy …” Xie Yuchen prompted softly. “Did something happen on the camping trip? You’ve been off ever since then.”

Hei Xiazi’s expression started to look a bit like he was in the process of having his teeth pulled or something.

“Did Zhang Qiling have a bad reaction to being near you again?” Xie Yuchen asked, his eyes holding sympathy.

“He kissed me …” the admission half strangled Hei Xiazi on the way out.

Xie Yuchen rapid blinked, his eyes widening for a moment as he factored in that new tidbit of information.

“Isn’t that good news?” he questioned. “You’ve been wanting to reconnect with him for so long …” Xie Yuchen said.

“Maybe I changed my mind,” Hei Xiazi hedged. “Maybe I need space like you said. I need some distance.”

“If I thought for a moment that this was what you were doing, you know that I would support you wholeheartedly,” Xie Yuchen said. “But has this ‘space’ made you feel freer and happier or more miserable, because from where I’m standing you look miserable.”

Hei Xiazi gritted his teeth a bit, his brain scrambling for more “whys” to put between himself and anything like real emotional vulnerability. “He’s practically a stranger, Hua ‘er,” he said next. “I want an emotional connection with Yaba, yes. But he’s hardly even him …”

“You wouldn’t be so worried about a ‘stranger’ getting hurt if he finds memories his mind can’t handle …” Xie Yuchen murmured.

“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” Hei Xiazi growled softly.

Xie Yuchen held up his hands in surrender. “Okay,” he said. “I won’t mention it again for now. But I would be a bad friend if I didn’t tell you that I think you’re wrong … I know you think you’re protecting yourself from getting hurt again; but it isn’t going to work. You are head over heels in love with that man, Xiazi; no matter what you try to tell yourself. And you’re just going to feel even worse if you hurt him in the process of pretending you aren’t.”

“Duly noted,” Hei Xiazi grumbled. “Can we get back to breakfast prepping now.”

Xie Yuchen rolled his eyes with a beleaguered sigh. “Fine,” he said; then grumbled back “And you call him stubborn.”  

Hei Xiazi smirked a little at that; resuming his food chopping.

***

Around the time that the aromas of breakfast foods began to drift from the kitchen, Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi were joined by Liu Sang and Pangzi.

“If it isn’t the new resident prickly pear,” Pangzi immediately started in with a slow grin spreading across his face; shoulder bumping the skinnier man and earning himself a withering scowl. “You look like crap,” Pangzi continued. “Didn’t sleep at all?”

((Hey look, its Liu Sang 😝))

Liu Sang very pointedly ignored the man altogether and sidled up to the kitchen island; preferring to pretend to be sociable with the other two men rather than put up with Pangzi’s shenanigans.

“What’s for breakfast?” he asked; eying the contents of the counter as well as his host and ‘savior’ respectively, if more surreptitiously.

“We have a selection today,” Xie Yuchen said. “There’s laba congee (a type of sweet rice porridge), you tiao (deep fried dough sticks), scallion pancakes, freshly made soy milk, and a bunch of sides to choose from.”

Liu Sang looked mildly impressed at the spread, though he deliberately did his best to not let it show. Still … he was hungry, and these selections were a far cry from what he’d have scrounged together for himself back home.

Xie Yuchen glanced past both new arrivals towards the kitchen door. “Are Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling joining us?” he questioned.

“They’re still asleep in Wu Xie’s room,” Pangzi said. “Didn’t even stir when I looked in on them before coming down.”

“That’s a bit odd,” Xie Yuchen observed. “Usually they’re the first up, or at least a close second.”

Liu Sang gave a soft grunt, his expression unenthused.

“He had some kind of fit or something last night,” Liu Sang stated flatly. “Er … Zhang Qiling did. They were up for a while after.”

Liu Sang wasn’t about to get into the gory details, but just the memories of what he’d heard ‘after’ was enough to make his ears burn … rather literally in his case. He wasn’t a blusher like Wu Xie, but very rarely a specific blend of emotions had a tendency to turn just his ears red; and he was very fucking glad that he’d decided to wear his hair down today, a quick casual motion shifting the bits he normally got out of the way by tucking them behind one ear.

Xie Yuchen shot a glance sideways as his lover’s hands stilled in their task rather pointedly. Keeping his tone mild he directed his next question to Liu Sang. “Is he okay? I mean I assume if it was too serious Wu Xie would have said something …”

“It was pretty bad for a while,” Liu Sang said; wincing a little at the memory. “He was having trouble breathing and couldn’t calm down at first; but Wu Xie helped him …”

Fuck … now his brain was back in the gutter.

How people decided to deal with their issues was none of his business, and normally he wouldn’t have thought twice about such a thing besides being annoyed that his sleep had been disturbed; but now he was thinking about his idol again and the sounds … fuck …

Liu Sang was outright scowling at the air at this point.

Thankfully, Hei Xiazi provided a distraction an instant later …

There was an odd crunch and the sound of shattering glass as Hei Xiazi smashed his fist and, subsequently, the drink glass he’d been holding in said fist into the countertop.   

“Xiazi!” Xie Yuchen exclaimed; shock, concern, and just a bit of displeasure waring for predominance on his features and in the tone of the word.

“I warned him, didn’t I?!” Hei Xiazi snapped. “But would he listen to me? No, of course not!”

“Hei Ye, you’re bleeding …” Xie Yuchen said; trying to opt for the gentler name and not escalate things as he grabbed the hand towel from where it hung on the oven door’s handle.

“I’ve got it!” Hei Xiazi growled just as sharply as the initial retort. Holding his bleeding hand with the other in an only partially successful attempt to keep from dripping blood everywhere; the man made a hasty exit, letting the kitchen door slam shut behind him.

Xie Yuchen closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took a deep breath.

“I’ll take care of the glass situation,” Pangzi offered, shifting into mother hen mode.

“You don’t have to …” Xie Yuchen started to protest.

“You’re cooking,” Pangzi said with a grin. “I’ve got this bit.”

“Thank you, Pangzi,” Xie Yuchen said before graciously refocusing the conversation elsewhere.

Chapter Text

Wu Xie looked away from the television as Pangzi lazily flipped through channels. There was little on the screen strong enough to hold either man’s attention though as they anxiously awaited the news of if things would be clear for them to go home or not. Xie Yuchen had asked for them to wait for him; so they were waiting, each with their own thoughts.

The sleeping figure curled up on the sofa cushions next to him drew Wu Xie’s attention much more successfully.

Even after sleeping in quite late that morning, Zhang Qiling had been napping on and off for the majority of the day. Thankfully, it was the only sign that anything had been amiss during the night; and there had been no recurring issues in that respect yet.

Still, Wu Xie found himself worrying just a little as he watched the deeply relaxed and peaceful features.

What he wouldn’t give to be able to keep them always like that …

It seemed so horridly unfair that someone like Zhang Qiling should struggle so much, so long after he’d finally been freed from that hell.

That thought led Wu Xie to thoughts of the video tapes …

The first one had been tame enough; if seeing a recording of Huo Ling locked in a small if tidy and furnished cell could count as tame. It still represented someone being held against their will.

The second one had been the bad one …

Huo Xiu Xiu had explained the context of that particular one briefly. Apparently Madam Huo had begun to push back against her manipulators, and as a result they’d sent the woman a recording of Huo Ling being harmed in order to keep her line.

There hadn’t been a lot of details, with most left to the imagination; but Wu Xie had recognized the setting. For a moment it has seemed as though someone had recorded a scene from Zhang Qiling’s memories … the one that Wu Xie had stumbled into during the guided trance with Almindreda. The horrible medical room with the table to which Zhang Qiling had dreamed he was bound to had been essentially identical.

The third video had been taken some years later by a team of Madam Huo’s people who had been sent to an abandoned Golmud in the hopes of finding some clue of Huo Ling. That too had seemed so eerily familiar; the dark and cluttered halls looking so much like the ones that had featured in Zhang Qiling’s mindscape during that same session.

No wonder Zhang Qiling had been triggered by it …

Wu Xie shuddered just a little, unsettled again by the mental images of how distraught Zhang Qiling had been; but it hadn’t been all bad had it …

The man had known what he needed on some instinctual level. And Wu Xie had been able to provide it …

Wu Xie’s cheeks warmed fractionally, his eyes shining again at the progress that had been made; a happy secret he now shared with Zhang Qiling.

Well … maybe with Liu Sang too as the man’s thinly veiled glances seemed to indicate.

That was going to take some getting used to. Hopefully housing the man in the in-law quarters back at Wushanju would limit such unintentional breeches of privacy in the future.

Zhang Qiling’s breathing shifted slightly, just a little susurrating intake as he stirred; a barely audible, wordless murmur of contentment sounding before he settled again, his breathing going deep and even once more.

Wu Xie’s thoughts had been efficiently interrupted and his attention settled back fully onto the man’s sleeping features. A gentle smile played with the corners of Wu Xie’s mouth as he reached his hand to ever-so-delicately trail his fingers through the man’s thick dark hair.

Maybe at some point they’d go get him a haircut … after everything finally calmed down.

***

Wu Xie’s reverie was brought to an end by the arrival of Xie Yuchen, with Liu Sang in tow … and a very reluctant looking Hei Xiazi who didn’t so much enter the room as hover outside the door of it.

“Finally!” Pangzi crowed with boisterous impatience. “I hope you have good news!”

Xie Yuchen smiled with good-natured warmth. “I think you will find that it is good news,” he assured the room as he moved to a seat where he could easily view everyone present.

Zhang Qiling’s head shifted slightly beneath Wu Xie’s hand, turning on the pillow on which he’d been resting; and when Wu Xie glanced down, he watched the long dark lashes stir and slow blink open, onyx eyes finding his almost as soon as they opened. Wu Xie offered the handsome face a smile.

“I’ve just concluded talks with the Wu’s back in Hangzhou,” Xie Yuchen began, and Wu Xie glanced back up to the man. “They have also agreed that precautions are necessary given the currently uncertain situation, they will be providing a regular security detail that will be housed at Wushanju; so, it should be safe enough for you all to return home and to a semblance of normalcy.”

It took some effort for Wu Xie to hide his immediate dismay at the idea of having guards hired by his extended family … and likely reporting to them … hanging around the house; not to mention shadowing them whenever they left it.

Pangzi seemed to know exactly what Wu Xie would think of that news because the man sent a smirk his way. “I guess our days of pretending we aren’t part of The Nine Family drama is officially at an end. To be honest I’m a bit surprised that you’ve managed this long without your relatives sic-ing a protection detail on you like all of the other family heirs seem to end up with.”

“I expect there will be a lot of adjustments that will be made necessary in the days ahead,” Xie Yuchen commiserated. “But you all are part of this now. Even before meeting Zhang Qiling, you likely would have been drawn into it eventually; but especially now. But if there is anything I can do to ease the transitions ahead; please don’t hesitate to let me know. My resources really are at your disposal.”

“You’ve been more than generous already,” Wu Xie said earnestly. “I honestly can’t think of anything that you’ve not already seen to. I wouldn’t have even dreamed of going to my grandmother’s people for help …”

“Still,” Xie Yuchen insisted. “If there is anything at all, even if you can’t think of anything right now; please ask.”

Zhang Qiling pushed himself up to a seated position on the sofa, the motion putting him at the center of attention for the entire room for a moment.

“Zhang Qiling, is there anything you would like to add?” Xie Yuchen asked; including the man immediately into the conversation and the offer.

There was the usual contemplative pause as Zhang Qiling ordered his thoughts, then he broke the expectant silence with quiet but determined words.

“Can you find the location of Golmud Sanitorium?”

“You can’t be serious …” Hei Xiazi’s voice was deceptively calm; but everyone could already guess where he stood on wherever this conversation was going.

Xie Yuchen glanced once towards the door of the room then back to Zhang Qiling as he answered very deliberately. “Madam Huo knows it. It should be a simple matter of me asking her for the details.”

“Tell me you aren’t thinking of doing what I think you are thinking of doing,” Hei Xiazi said.

Zhang Qiling’s attention shifted towards Hei Xiazi. He didn’t say anything; but his gaze was as steady and direct as it was confirming.

“Was last night not a big enough clue for you?” Hei Xiazi asked; his tone just short of demanding. “If just a couple of recorded scenes of the place was enough to trigger a bad reaction; what do you think going there will do to you?”

“Maybe it was so bad because it needs to be remembered …” Zhang Qiling said just as quietly and evenly as his first request. “Maybe it has to come out before it can be mended…”

“So you’ll risk finishing what ‘They’ started for a maybe?” Hei Xiazi questioned. “And say by some miracle you don’t simply end up destroying what’s left of your mind; have you considered that maybe you’re better off not knowing? How can life be better with the memories of that kind of hell, Yaba?”

“I want to remember,” Zhang Qiling answered simply.

Hei Xiazi raked his fingers through his hair; shaking his head as he did so. Finally, he let out a frustrated and only half-resigned sort of sound. “Fine … I don’t have any more arguments left. Not that you’d listen to them if I did. If you want to deal with whatever comes of it then go ahead; just count me out of it.” Giving one glance around the room Hei Xiazi added; “You know what? Count me out of all of it. Wushanju will have security now. You all don’t need me on top of that. I’ve done what Wu Sanxing asked with protecting the lot of you; now I’m done …” He dry-washed his hands as if ridding himself of the whole matter before turning and leaving again.

Xie Yuchen looked neither pleased nor all that surprised; the set of his lips on the grim side.

Zhang Qiling’s eyes stayed on the doorway for a lingering moment, a troubled furrow marring the former smoothness of his brow; but then determination took over and he looked back to Xie Yuchen instead.

“I presume you would prefer to get this taken care of sooner rather than later,” Xie Yuchen said; slipping directly back into business mode. “Might I suggest you all take my jet to Hangzhou tomorrow; then I will get you the information and we can make plans accordingly after you all have had some time to settle in there?”

“That sounds okay to me,” Wu Xie said; and when Zhang Qiling looked to him, he managed a genuine smile in spite of his worries. “I support whatever you want to do, Xiǎogē.”

“Same here,” Pangzi said immediately.

“Schedules permitting, would any of you be opposed if I went to Golmud with you?” Xie Yuchen asked. He included everyone in the request; but his gaze was zeroed in on Zhang Qiling specifically.

Wu Xie and Pangzi both also looked to Zhang Qiling as this all pertained mostly to his past and privacy.

“I am okay with it,” Zhang Qiling said.

Xie Yuchen dipped his head in an almost formal thanks. “Then I shall make the necessary arrangements as soon as possible. And … I’ll see what I can do about talking some sense into Xiazi. I won’t try to excuse his behavior, but I’m think you can understand that this is a sensitive situation for him too.      

The furrow appeared then smoothed again as Zhang Qiling met Xie Yuchen’s eyes. “Don’t pressure him …” he said after a brief pause. “Just because I am ready to remember, he might not be ready …”

Wu Xie blinked a little; finding the words a little odd. As far as he knew, Hei Xiazi had no issues with remembering anything about that time; but, perhaps there was a more nuanced meaning to the simple words.

Knowing Zhang Qiling, there likely was.   

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling sat quietly in his regular spot on the sofa at the back of Viki’s spacious living area, his attention not focused anywhere in particular; and even specifically avoiding looking out the window at the lonely forest road.

They were nearly there according to Pangzi; and for now, it seemed a potentially good idea not to be reminded of another forested path towards a dream rendition of this place.

Thankfully, the road they were on was not gravel.

And, it was not a pitch dark, cloudy night.

Wu Xie’s hand in his squeezed slightly, and Zhang Qiling welcomed the distraction; his dark eyes seeking Wu Xie’s features. And when Wu Xie smiled, he was able to offer a small but genuine feeling smile of his own in return.

There was no dread in his heart in spite of his precautions to not let his mind turn the mundane into a nightmare beforehand.

He was ready to face this…

He was ready to have it over…

The week that had passed since returning home to Wushanju, during which the plans to come here had been fleshed out, had been one of mental unrest; his nights disturbed by sleeplessness, or barely remembered nightmares, or even panic attacks if of a less violent nature than that first episode. And, as he’d purported to Hei Xiazi, he took the sudden rise in such events as further indication that his mind was ready to be done with the questions.

He was ready to know the truth instead of the symbolic phantoms his mind dredged up in its stead.

Slowly he smoothed his thumb against the back of Wu Xie’s hand, swirling little circles or stroking absently; just enjoying the physical contact which served as just one more precautionary anchor point to a world that did not belong in the amorphous realm of nightmares.

“Of course, it has to look like every big ominous building from every haunted movie ever,” Pangzi’s comment broke the quietude, as he pulled Viki up to the large broken-down gates that looked like they might have been blown off their hinges at some point in the long distant past.

Wu Xie’s grip on Zhang Qiling’s hand tightened almost unconsciously; and Zhang Qiling gave a gentle almost reassuring squeeze in answer.

“Wǒ méishì (I am fine),” Zhang Qiling murmured the words, and Wu Xie blinked at him and then immediately looked sheepish.

“How can you be so calm?” Wu Xie asked softly. “I feel as if there’s a herd of butterflies in my stomach right now.” Then Wu Xie frowned slightly. “Is it a flock or a herd? What’s a large group of butterflies?”

Zhang Qiling’s lips quirked slightly.

“Of course, Xiǎogē is so calm because he’s a bad ass,” Pangzi interjected. “And I don’t know what a group of butterflies is. Obscure knowledge is supposed to be your area of expertise, Wu Xie.”

Zhang Qiling did not know the answer to the question, but he didn’t feel the need to ponder it too deeply; content to listen to the light-hearted way his two friends bantered.

“Does anyone need a refresh on flashlight batteries just in case?” Pangzi questioned as he left the driver’s seat and headed for the cabinet full of miscellaneous gear.

“I just changed mine,” Wu Xie said; patting his jacket pocket.

Zhang Qiling just gave a casual shrug. He also had a pocket-sized flashlight in his hoodie pocket; but he rarely used it unless absolutely necessary, the light from his friend’s lights usually more than sufficient brightness as far as he was concerned.

“I’ll bring in a couple of extra just in case,” Pangzi said. “There is no way in hell I’m risking being without light in a place that looks like that.”

Wu Xie’s phone buzzed and after checking the message quickly, the young man announced “Xie Yuchen is about five minutes out.”

Taking that as his cue, Zhang Qiling let Wu Xie’s hand slip from his fingers at long last before moving smoothly to his feet.

Picking up on the intent, Viki opened the sliding side door to let the trio disembark onto the roadside into the midafternoon sunshine.

For the first time Zhang Qiling turned his full attention to the building beyond the broken gate and high walls; the sprawling structure of Golmud Sanitorium seeming to stare back with hundreds of empty eye sockets.

Wu Xie gave an involuntary shiver that didn’t really have anything to do with the nip in the air, and he scooted as close to Zhang Qiling as he could short of leaning against the man.

“Any memories sparking?” Pangzi questioned; his light-hearted tone sobering fractionally as the mother hen side of him came to the forefront briefly.

Zhang Qiling shook his head. “Nothing …” he admitted out loud; bothering to use his words for once. The nothingness of anything stirring in his mind simultaneously unsettled and relieved him in odd ways that he did not entirely understand.

“Well, whether they end up doing so or not; we’re right here with you for every bit of it,” Pangzi promised.

Zhang Qiling looked his quiet gratitude to the friendly features which split into a facetious grin directly after; opting for the light-hearted mood all over again.

“And if there are any ghosts, I promise to fend them off for you,” Pangzi said; brandishing his flashlight as if it were a sword.

Wu Xie snorted and elbowed the man in the ribs.

Zhang Qiling had a small smile tugging at his lips as the good-natured jostling back and forth continued; and it lingered as he ran his eyes over the ominous building once more.

Everything was going to be just fine. How could they not be with Wu Xie and Pangzi by his side?

The sound of an approaching vehicle drew his attention away from the structure first as he turned his head to peer back up the forest lined road; and a good handful of second later a non-descript but expensive looking rental car drove into view.

“That’ll be Xie Yuchen,” Pangzi commented. “The guy has the understated but super classy thing down to a T.”

A soft flutter stirred in Zhang Qiling’s chest as his eyes picked out another figure through the tinted windshield as the vehicle came to a stop behind Viki.

Killing the engine, a fastidiously dressed Xie Yuchen slipped out of the driver’s seat; and a tick behind, Hei Xiazi was exiting the passenger side door.

“If it isn’t the Wushanju Crew,” Xie Yuchen greeted with a warm grin. “Or should I start calling you the Iron Triangle like some others in the community have started dubbing you since the Tamutuo news got out?”

For a moment, Zhang Qiling didn’t bother to take in the exchange of pleasantries and small talk about how their week of getting settled had gone and/or how Liu Sang (who had been left back at Wushanju for this particular trip) was adjusting to his new living arrangements.

There was a poignance to the fact of Hei Xiazi’s arrival that everyone else seemed to have missed … or maybe that poignancy was only something he himself perceived?

The way that Hei Xiazi seemed to hold his gaze through the protective barrier of his shades at least appeared to indicate that the other man at least felt something too.

Zhang Qiling felt some part of himself that he’d not realized had been tense seem to relax now; a gentle sort of pleasure touching his expression as Hei Xiazi sidled up to their little group.

“Now is there any part in particular that we should explore first?” Xie Yuchen asked; getting down to business.

Zhang Qiling blinked as everyone looked to him, so he offered a shrug.

“Then I suppose we can just head in and start looking around casually, and go from there,” Xie Yuchen said.

“Sounds good to me,” Wu Xie said.

“No objections here,” Pangzi agreed.

Zhang Qiling didn’t say anything, but he tuned to face the broken gates; taking a slow but deliberate step towards them.

Stepping through the main entrance of the building, Wu Xie couldn’t help shivering again. “It looks so similar to the dream …” Wu Xie said in a hushed murmur.

“The trance one?” Pangzi questioned.

Wu Xie nodded and shivered again. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. It looks like any long-abandoned building in here with all the cobwebs and clutter; but it still gives me the creeps. And it’s like the people who ran this place never really finished moving out, there’s so much furniture and things still here; left untouched by the past decade and a half.”

“They had to leave in a hurry …”

The quiet observation came from Hei Xiazi; his tone absent like he was thinking out loud.

In the silence that followed the words, Hei Xiazi continued; his eyes roving the main foyer from behind the cover of his glasses as he took a trip down a rather unpleasant memory lane.

“After the escape, it would only have been a matter of time before too many people knew this location. They would have left essentially right away; or at least as soon as they could possibly have with …” Hei Xiazi trailed off with a wince and a sideways glance towards Zhang Qiling. “I’d ask how they could possibly have traveled with you in the state you were in; but even if you’d kept your memories I doubt you’d have been conscious enough to remember that part, considering …”

A little furrow flickered across Zhang Qiling’s brow as he studied Hei Xiazi’s face as if trying to read the tale of the things being hinted at on the man’s features. But there was nothing to read, just as there were no stirrings of memories of his own to fill in the blanks.

“Does any of this feel familiar, Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie asked.

Zhang Qiling shook his head.

“I’m not sure how literally the directions in your dream memory translate to real life,” Wu Xie said. “But the place you were was downstairs. There was a cage, and a medical room that was a lot like the one in the second video recording. Maybe we should try to find the places that would have been the most familiar to you when you were here?”

Zhang Qiling once again turned to look at Hei Xiazi who was grimacing visibly.

“He spent most of his time here in the basement of this building…” Hei Xiazi confirmed; the words sounding as if they were being dragged out of him. “And both locations you described, Wu Xie, are actual rooms in the basement.”

Hei Xiazi looked back at Zhang Qiling’s trusting and expectant features for a long time before finally sighing.

“Why not? Sure … let’s go back to the places with the sweetest memories in this hell hole…” Hei Xiazi grunted at him wryly.  

Zhang Qiling’s lips twitched slightly upward and Hei Xiazi’s expression softened slightly.

“I only remember the elevator way,” Hei Xiazi said. “So let’s find some stairs and see if I can avoid getting us lost in this labyrinthian place.”

In spite of having to take a roundabout route, Hei Xiazi eventually got them to the first room … the large room with the central cage.

“Home sweet home …” Hei Xiazi commented; his tone had shifted towards gruff all of a sudden as unwanted emotions began to awaken against his permission.

Xie Yuchen moved close to the man’s side; slipping an arm around him.

The furrow deepened between Zhang Qiling’s eyebrows as he moved forward independently of the others for a moment; reaching out to the cage bars and trailing his two most sensitive fingers against the cool metal.

“We spent years of our lives together here …” Hei Xiazi murmured; when he could trust his voice not to betray him. “You more than me. But both of us for long stretches at a time …”

Zhang Qiling lingered for a long time; even closing his eyes. Finally, he turned away from the cage.

“Anything?” Wu Xie asked; studying Zhang Qiling’s features.

Zhang Qiling shook his head.

“I’m probably going to regret saying this, and I still strongly recommend not pushing things this far; but if anywhere is going to trigger something, the medical room will …” Hei Xiazi said; a grim set to his expression as he offered the words. “There was this doctor we ‘affectionally’ called the butcher who the Wang’s assigned to you especially. I never saw you genuinely afraid of anyone here except for that man.” Hei Xiazi’s voice got quieter and quieter until he was practically whispering the words; hating every one of them, but contributing anyway.

“If the memory I saw is accurate … I might actually know how to get there,” Wu Xie offered.

Hei Xiazi blinked at the younger man, then after a moment’s consideration he said, “Well Yaba took that route at least once a week and sometimes daily from this cage to here; so, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had those details correct too, even in a nightmare.”

Wu Xie took a tentative lead, guiding the way back out of the room with a cage and through larger cell block and to a door that abruptly changed the feel of the place from an abandoned prison to an abandoned clinic. Concrete became tile, and bars were exchanged for what must have once been whitewashed walls.

They reached a sizeable medical bay with a singular operation table at its center and dust and cobweb clad monitors and medical machinery lining one wall. A seating area with an observation window looked over the room … the one that Wu Xie had been trapped behind for a time while Zhang Qiling got stuck in the horrors of this room during the nightmare that was clearly far more a memory than anything else.

Zhang Qiling felt the tell-tale pain in his temple, just a twinge at first; and he put his fingertips there, massaging the spot as he slowly walked around the room.

His body was responding on an instinctual level, recalling things that just the visuals of the place were sufficient to trigger; his heartrate beginning to speed up, his breathing beginning to accelerate slightly, his body beginning to tense as if against a threat.

Letting his two sensitive fingers trail over the firmly cushioned surface of the table, Zhang Qiling moved back around to the side near the others; but he didn’t rejoin them, instead he closed his eyes, tuning into the sensations in his body … feeling into that sense of something more just out of reach … pushing…

The pain spiked as he expected it would and he gritted his teeth around a breathless groan; pressing the heel of his hand against his left temple now.

“Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie questioned, concerned.

“Wǒ méishì,” Zhang Qiling said; giving his head a little shake as he stepped back from the table, still keeping himself open to that sense that was somehow more than human … pushing.

The next pain felt as if a lightening bolt had reached from the sky and seared its way into his skull and Zhang Qiling cried out. His legs buckled beneath him and he fell to his knees; doubling over as he clutched his head, gasping moans tearing past his lips.

“Xiǎogē!” Wu Xie exclaimed in alarm; starting forward a step.

“We need to get him out of here,” Hei Xiazi said more grimly; moving even more quickly to Zhang Qiling’s side.

“No!” The word came out as pained as the moans had, but it was crystal clear. “I need to remember!”

Hei Xiazi was already stooping at Zhang Qiling’s side before the words halted him. It was all he could do to just remain crouched there when every fiber of him wanted to scoop the man up in his arms and bolt for the exit no matter what Zhang Qiling wanted.

But he stayed still, partially kneeling at Zhang Qiling’s side as another pain came and Zhang Qiling groaned again in raw agony.

Chapter Text

At first there was only pain; stabbing and then receding, then stabbing again.

As Zhang Qiling continued to push, fighting through the agony, searching for the knowing beyond the pain; flashes of images began to come with each stab. They were only flickers at first … disjointed glimpses of people or places that he’d once encountered within these walls; the connections little more clear than the images he had gotten before, accompanied sometimes by impressions but little else.

But then the flickers began to come faster and more fleshed out; joined at times by physical sensations – taste, touch, smell … more pain of different sorts.

And then it was as if a dam had burst and the world around him devolved into scene upon scene; full coherent snippets of his life piecing themselves together rapid fire and pouring into his skull until it was too much … far too much …

But there was no stopping up the dam once it had been shattered.

Zhang Qiling lost track of time. He forgot where he was … he forgot when he was; existing in these scenes reawakening in his mind as if he were living them out in the now.

He lay on the barren concrete floor of the big cage as days passed. There was no food or water; but beyond the need for sustenance, his soul ached with starvation for human contact. If they would just come to beat him it would be something … anything would be better than the utter loneliness that was driving him mad.

He lay on a thin blanket on a wooden floor, the warmth of firelight warming his naked body as he lay there waiting; listening to the casual chatter of the men in the room until the next one would come and roll him one way or the other to have their way with him. Some raped him. Some tortured him. And some did both and more. How many times had it been? He’d lost count years ago …

He lay bound to a medical table by metal manacles, naked and completely helpless in a far more visceral way than he ever felt in that room with the fire. He’d been warm there; but here he was cold … a cold that reached inside him … a chill of fear settling in the core of him as a familiar face leaned over him and a posh and clinical sounding voice dictated some medical jargon to a video camera. There was the soft snap of gloves being pulled into place over hands, and gloved hands filled his vision; a scalpel held expertly in one.

“I am making the primary incision along the midline of the abdomen,” that unfeeling voice intoned. A hand rendered inhuman with its plastic covering pressed to his middle, steadying him as the other hand pressed the scalpel’s glinting edge to the flesh an inch or so below his sternum. Then the “Doctor” … the Butcher began to slice him open; carving through his abdominal wall from his sternum to low on his belly as he began to scream.

Again and again and again, scenes like these played out; more and more and more piling in on top of each other until his mind became a tangled jumble of imagery and sensation.

Blindly he reached out, the motion purely inspired by his body; his mind beyond hearing or seeing or experiencing anything except the staggering amount of input. His fingers found the front of Hei Xiazi’s tank top; twisting into the fabric.

As his body went to into a state of sheer overload; he leaned slowly more and more as if drawn to a presence it had once recognized as a safety net in this setting. He leaned until he was sagging bonelessly into Hei Xiazi; resting against the man’s body, his face buried in the man’s chest, his own body completely supported by the man’s arms.

***

It was agonizing to watch.

The groans of pain had been bad enough.

Watching Zhang Qiling himself … the one with the sky high pain tolerance … be crippled by unimaginable levels of it was hard enough.

But the reactions had changed; a whole gamete of sounds and emotional responses playing out in front of the four pairs of eyes being forced to watch.

Zhang Qiling had flinched and cringed, he’d screamed, he’d cried … horrors had etched themselves across his face again and again; his eyes blind to the world, but seeing who knew what.

Only Hei Xiazi could really guess at a good deal of it.

Wu Xie had the vaguest inkling from the moments of a dream memory he’d seen.

But who could fully comprehend what a mind who had been through what Zhang Qiling had been through could dredge up?

Wu Xie had finally moved the rest of the way to Zhang Qiling’s other side; settling to his knees and just waiting and watching as tears alternately fell or just trembled in his eyes.

Pangzi had taken a knee next to Wu Xie, one sturdy hand resting on the younger man’s shoulder and giving a comforting squeeze every now and then; but even the mother hen was fighting tears.

Xie Yuchen stood watching, his features grave with consideration and sympathy.

Hei Xiazi …

Hei Xiazi felt as if somehow his life had come full circle.

He’d been running from the life he’d lived in this place for a decade and a half; and now he was here again, and he did as he always had done… or at least had tried to do. He just held Zhang Qiling through all of the things he could never protect him from – or in this case the memories of them; offering the measly comfort that he could, as best he knew how.

Praying that the man would come through it alive at least; barely ever daring to hope for him to be whole of mind on top of it all.

This time … this time he prayed more for the wholeness of mind than anything else.

The reaction finally subsided; leaving Zhang Qiling a sweating, limp shell if appearances were what they had to go on.

His eyes were open; eyelids slow-blinking over onyx orbs that were entirely devoid of any spark of life or awareness.

For a while the man just breathed, his hand still tangled into Hei Xiazi’s tank top; though there was no strength to the holding anymore. His face was still half buried into the man’s chest where he drooped bonelessly.

Then, slowly … infinitely slowly … awareness began to register between slow-blinks. There were little absent shifts to the man’s eyes now; his brain appearing to be attempting to come back online.

His breathing pattern shifted … the next sign of something at least; and Zhang Qiling drew a slightly deeper breath, his eyes shifting some more as a tiny processing furrow appeared in between his eyebrows.

At last the silence was broken by a single, breathlessly questioning “Xia?”  

Chapter Text

For a moment Hei Xiazi froze; too stunned even to breathe.

How many times had he been in this very situation? Holding Zhang Qiling in the aftermath of some new horror; waiting agonizingly for some sign that the man he loved would come through it?

How many times had the relief finally flooded as Zhang Qiling murmured his pet name at long last?

It was his Yaba’s name for him. No one else’s.

HIS Yaba.

“…I … I’m here …” Hei Xiazi’s voice faltered a little. “I’m right here with you Yaba.”

Zhang Qiling lay very still for a long moment; trying to get his head around it.

It was impossible, wasn’t it?

It had to be a dream …

Or maybe a hallucination or drug influenced hypnosis trip?

It certainly sounded like something Golmud would do … try to convince him that Hei Xiazi had come back to rescue him at long last.

But the more he stayed still, his senses filtering through the haze of overwhelmed exhaustion; it grew increasingly hard to be sure.

He could hear and feel Hei Xiazi’s heartbeat where his face pressed into the man’s chest.

He could feel the texture of the fabric of the black tank top …

Loosening his hand, he brushed the smoother texture of the leather jacket too; his fingers telling him it was real leather, even if that should have been impossible.

He breathed in more deeply again, trying to pick apart any discrepancies in the scent of the man filling his nostrils. Surely if this was an artificially manufactured trip, or even a dream, the details of the scent would give it away.

Scent was one of the strongest physical ties to long term memory after all.

But try as he might, Zhang Qiling could find no flaw to prove that it was all a cruel trick of his subconscious or an even crueler manipulation of his tormentors.

It was impossible.

But it WAS.

Zhang Qiling slowly leaned back from the supporting form; his body resisting, the weight of exhaustion dragging him.

But what was exhaustion and pain or discomfort in the face of this mystery?

Settling back on his knees, Zhang Qiling searched Hei Xiazi’s face … that beloved face …

He scrutinized every line, uncertainty written on his own features at first; unsure if he could entirely trust what his senses were telling him. Reaching out his right hand, he brushed his fingertips to Hei Xiazi’s cheek.

(I feel like Yang Yang's heartbreaking expressions from You Are My Glory are very fitting inspiration for this scene 💔)

Real?

Could it possibly be real?

Could Golmud finally have created a drug that was capable of fooling even his extrasensory perceptions so completely?

Surely that was an impossibility.

And in the face of two apparently opposing impossibilities, a flicker of hope in an impossible possibility flickered to life.

A soft incredulous huff of a breathless chuckle stirred Zhang Qiling’s chest, a hesitant smile faltering its way onto his lips.

“Is it really you?” Zhang Qiling whispered still; hoping and doubting all tangled up together into one.

Hei Xiazi found a tremulous smile of his own. “It’s really me,” he confirmed gently.

“You came to get me?” Zhang Qiling asked.

A flicker of consternation moved across Hei Xiazi’s face.

“Xiǎogē?”

Wu Xie spoke for the first time since the start of the … whatever it had been. An ‘Episode’ didn’t quite seem to apply to what had just happened. Hope and concern and an uncertainty of his own filled the young man’s singular questioning word as Pangzi squeezed his shoulder to reassure him of his presence and support whatever happened next.

Zhang Qiling’s gaze pulled away from Hei Xiazi’s face for the first time; finding Wu Xie’s.

For the briefest fraction of a moment, there was no recognition on Zhang Qiling’s face; but then a few memories sorted themselves out from the chaos of his scrambled mind and he blinked, confusion furrowing his brow slightly as he breathed the name “Wu Xie …”

Wu Xie smiled then, tears still trembling in his big brown eyes. “That’s right,” he said; sighing softly with relief.

Zhang Qiling’s gaze shifted away from both Wu Xie and Hei Xiazi then, slowly drifting around the room as confused micro expressions continued to ripple across his troubled features.  

Rooms that had seemed pristine and familiar only moments before were now desolate … long abandoned.

He could remember walking in here with Wu Xie and Hei Xiazi now; but it seemed as if years had passed since then … decades.  

He struggled to reconcile what his senses were informing him of, and what those faint memories said; with the very strong feeling that he’d only just been here, or in a place so much like here as made no real difference.

That was what felt real.

This reality felt insubstantial compared to the decades of life that had just been pouring through his head.

It didn’t help that his body was still giving off danger signals; still feeling threatened by this place.

“Would you like to get out of here?” Hei Xiazi questioned; clearing his throat to rid it from the tightness of emotion as much as possible.

Zhang Qiling blinked back at the man; the concept of being able to just casually walk out of this place seeming too novel for his mind to grasp fully just yet, so he simply nodded.

Hei Xiazi stood to his feet, offering a hand to him.

Zhang Qiling stared at that hand for a lingering moment before he could muster the courage to reach out and take it; half-certain that any moment the dream would shift into some horrendous nightmare or worse … it would end.

With Hei Xiazi supporting him, Zhang Qiling made it to his feet; his body wanting to drop right back down again. But he was used to existing on the edges of physical extremity, and it was something of a habit to just keep functioning anyway.

“You good?” Hei Xiazi questioned; considering him.

“I am for now,” Zhang Qiling said, just a hint of breathlessness making it into his tone.

Slowly the group worked their way back through the cluttered halls towards the stairs to the first floor; adapting their pace to Zhang Qiling’s which was a little fitful as he kept almost forgetting to walk forward as his attention was snagged by another place or thing that he could have sworn he’d just seen in a perfectly clean and functioning state; his mind struggling with the juxtaposition of what he’d just experienced over the visual reality unfolding around him.

Coming out in the back halls of the ground floor the little group began to head for the main foyer when Hei Xiazi called a halt.

“Hold on … is anybody else hearing that?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Everyone shook their head except for Zhang Qiling who frowned slightly as he had to work to concentrate on something when his brain felt half-turned to mush. “There’s something else here…” he confirmed finally.

There was a louder thud and scrabbling, then a terrified squeak from what must have been an animal.

“I heard that,” Wu Xie said blinking along the hall towards the larger room up ahead.

“Did a cat catch a mouse?” Pangzi questioned.

“It sounded too big to be a cat,” Xie Yuchen said.

“And too big to be a mouse,” Hei Xiazi added dryly.

 Rounding the corner into the next groom, a grisly sight met their eyes …

A person, or at least something shaped like a person was squatting in the middle of the room; clutching a dead rat in its hands which it was in the process of devouring. Gore smeared a face and dripped down bony arms that were pasty white like some sort of ghoul; bloodshot and red rimmed eyes turned on the group as they entered, lips pulling back from bloodied teeth in a rictus as an inhuman snarl hissed through.

With lightening quick movements, the … whatever it was … lunged for a certain wide brown-eyed Wu Xie who had frozen in shock at the unexpected sight.

The instinct to protect Wu Xie flared fast and hot in Zhang Qiling’s chest; slicing through the confusion and derealization in a way that seemed to confirm that maybe, just maybe, the more fragile memories were indeed the real ones.

Grabbing Wu Xie by both arms, Zhang Qiling pulled him, spinning around him and between the young man and the threat; his body responding with a strength that also served so belie the persistent impressions of other memories trying to skew his current sense of reality.

His kick connected with the attacker’s midsection; driving it back, and then Hei Xiazi and Xie Yuchen moved forward as a team to take over.

Zhang Qiling replaced a steadying hand on Wu Xie’s arm, his eyes going to the youthful features; watching the instant of terror fade as Wu Xie looked back at him.

“I’m okay,” Wu Xie said, offering an unsteady smile.

Zhang Qiling nodded, lingering for a moment longer before returning his attention to Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi … and ‘the creature’.

The pair were only just getting a decent immobilizing hold on their unnaturally agile assailant, ready to finish off something that was clearly inhuman, when recognition jolted through Zhang Qiling.

“Don’t harm her!” he called out; his voice cutting through the sounds of the altercation.

“Uh … that’s a bit easier said than done,” Hei Xiazi grunted; working on pinning the arms and keeping the clawing hands from reaching himself or Xie Yuchen.

“It’s Huo Ling,” Zhang Qiling said. “Just hold her …”

Looking back to Wu Xie, he asked, “May I borrow your knife?”

Wu Xie blinked once and then pulled his pocket knife from where it clipped onto his jeans, handing it over.

Moving towards where Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi were struggling to hold Huo Ling, or what was left of her, still; Zhang Qiling began to quietly explain. “Golmud was doing experiments trying to combine science and technology with the supernatural … trying to turn subjects into monsters.”

“But when we escaped, Huo Ling wasn’t a monster,” Hei Xiazi said with a confused frown.

“It might have taken time for what they did to her to take root,” Zhang Qiling said. “It looks like she’s transforming into a Forbidden Woman.”

“Like the thing from The Paracel Island Tomb?” Wu Xie questioned.

Zhang Qiling glanced at the young man. “I don’t remember …” he started.

Wu Xie nodded; understanding.

“If she’s turned into a monster, surely the kindest and safest thing would be to put her out of her misery,” Hei Xiazi suggested.

Zhang Qiling opened Wu Xie’s knife and drew the blade firmly across his palm; opening a shallow slice that immediately began to bleed liberally.

“Perhaps she still has enough humanity to survive …” Zhang Qiling breathed bending close to the ghastly looking woman/monster that the other two men were carefully pinning. Pressing his bleeding palm over Huo Ling’s mouth, he held it there as the creature that had taken over the woman’s body began to scream in an eerie double timbre-d cry; writhing in a futile attempt to escape the toxic effect that Zhang Qiling’s blood had on certain supernatural entities.

Slowly the fighting lost some of its enhanced strength, and slowly the thrashing began to ebb until the body of Huo Ling went completely still; eyes closed, breath gone.

Zhang Qiling stepped back, waiting; his expression grave and holding a deep sort of sadness.

“Duìbùqǐ…” He murmured the apology. “I came late …”

“Thanks to you, Madam Huo will finally have some closure,” Xie Yuchen offered.

Hei Xiazi straightened, dusting himself off as he studied Zhang Qiling’s features. “You can’t blame yourself for this, Yaba,” he said. “You’re the reason she had anything of a life after Golmud to begin with. You certainly aren’t responsible for what they did to her.”

Zhang Qiling met and held Hei Xiazi’s gaze for a moment then he nodded before turning back towards Wu Xie to hand over the knife.

Wu Xie was waiting with a roll of gauze that Pangzi had produced from a pocket-sized first aid kit he’d gotten in the habit of carrying around.

Zhang Qiling felt a wave of dizziness and exhaustion, his heart seeming to thud inside his skull as he offered his hand to Wu Xie; but it didn’t particularly matter.

“I’ll make the arrangements to have her flown back to Beijing,” Xie Yuchen said. “Have you given any thought to what you’ll be doing?”

The conversation between Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi seemed to fade in and out, and Zhang Qiling had to focus to make sense of the words.

Pangzi came up close to him, looping an arm around his shoulders; and he must have been saying something too because when Zhang Qiling didn’t respond, Wu Xie’s questioning “Xiǎogē?” held concern.

Zhang Qiling looked from his freshly wrapped palm to Wu Xie’s face, managing what he intended to be a small reassuring smile; then the darkness suddenly edging his view of the world filled his vision, his knees buckling as he lost consciousness.

Wu Xie and Pangzi both caught Zhang Qiling’s collapsing form; easing him down to the ground where Wu Xie knelt with him and supported his body against his own.

“Shit …” Hei Xiazi grunted; moving to kneel next to the pair.

“What’s wrong with him?” Wu Xie asked anxiously.

“I’m not entirely sure. But, if I had to guess, it probably has something to do with the fact that about a half hour ago all that Yaba knew about himself and the world was what he’d managed to accumulate and rebuild for himself over the course of two short months; and now he’s just had 20 years of hell and who knows what else dumped into his skull,” Hei Xiazi said as he checked a few things, including the blossoming heat beginning to rise at the nape of the man’s neck.

“Today would have been a fuck of a lot to handle for a perfectly whole and healthy mind let alone, Yaba’s …” Hei Xiazi murmured.

“We should get him back out to Viki,” Pangzi suggested. “And by we, I mean you two,” he jabbed his fingers towards Wu Xie and Hei Xiazi respectively. “I can keep Xie Yuchen company for a bit.”

“Getting him out of here would be a good idea,” Hei Xiazi agreed. “He needs to be somewhere he feels safe so his body can process and his mind can … well … do whatever it needs to do.”

“Let’s do that then,” Wu Xie said.

Stooping, Hei Xiazi hefted Zhang Qiling’s unresponsive self into his arms.  

Chapter Text

Hei Xiazi gently laid Zhang Qiling out across the sofa at the rear of the van, carefully arranging him so that he’d be comfortable.

Wu Xie fetched a camping pillow from one of the numerous storage compartments that Pangzi had fully replenished after getting home to Wushanju from Beijing. “Here …” Wu Xie said, offering the pillow to Hei Xiazi.

Hei Xiazi studied the young man once as he took the object and gently slipped it underneath Zhang Qiling’s head. He straightened, his job done, but he found himself lingering; unsure of what to do now, still struggling to process it all.

“I can’t believe his plan actually worked,” Wu Xie interrupted the silence; attempting to ease some of the palpable uncertainty lingering in the air. “He remembered everything … he remembered you; just like he wanted.”

“If it takes …” Hei Xiazi couldn’t help raining on his own parade. It was probably a defense mechanism to keep from getting his hopes too high, but he’d always been a bit on the pessimistic side. “It might still prove to be too much for his mind to cope with.”

Wu Xie chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, contemplating the possibility. But, he was the more hopeful sort. “He’s already different …” he noted out loud; looking down at the unconscious man.

“What do you mean?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“His expression, and his posture too,” Wu Xie pointed out; noting the subtle things, since subtle things had become something of a language between him and the quiet man. “Since Tamutuo, unless he was having a nightmare, his sleeping expression as been super relaxed and open,” Wu Xie began to explain. “And he most often would have his arms just sort of rest in front of him on the pillow or however they naturally fell. But now …”

Wu Xie felt a tiny pang at the change that was clear as day to him on Zhang Qiling’s expression.

Even unconscious, there was a subtle tension to the set of his brows and the line of his lips; giving his features an uneasy appearance as if he wasn’t fully relaxed even now. And the man’s arms had naturally curled in tight to his body which had an innate tenseness to it as well.

Hei Xiazi blinked as he too acknowledged the differences; these subtle signs that the man that lay here now recalled a very different sort of life then the one whose memory had become very nearly a clean slate for a few short months.

“Have you thought about what it means that he’s remembered?” Hei Xiazi questioned. “Maybe it was better for him that he couldn’t remember this.”

“I’m sure that it will mean he has more healing to do …” Wu Xie began slowly. “But he’s been on a healing journey of sorts from day one. This is just the next step. We knew things would probably be difficult from the moment we got him home from Tamutuo; and that things would never be all that simple. Now we’ll just keep doing what we were doing before, giving him a safe place to do whatever he needs to while doing what we can to support him.”  

Hei Xiazi considered the words, his features grim until finally they softened as he gave a little considering grunt.

“Maybe Hua’er was right. Maybe it’s me who has the issue … not Yaba.”

“How so?” Wu Xie prompted.

“Maybe my real issue with having Yaba remember is because then I will have to remember … I will have to face what happened at Golmud alongside him like you and Pangzi are doing instead of running away from it like I’ve done for a decade and a half. It’s a hard habit to break.”

“Xiǎogē said something about that on the last night we were at Xie Yuchen’s house,” Wu Xie said. “He said that maybe you weren’t ready. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I think what you just said sums it up.”

“He said that?” Hei Xiazi asked with a soft bemused huff; looking down at Zhang Qiling as a tenderness touched his features. “Yaba has always been able to read me like that, ever since I was a boy…” he murmured out loud.

“I think the fact that you were able to put everything that you’ve been through aside to be here for him today might mean that you are ready now … to be beside him as you both heal from what happened,” Wu Xie suggested.

Hei Xiazi grimaced at the young man. “You should be the 127ish year old and I should be the 27 … 28 … how old are you again?”

“Twenty-six,” Wu Xie chuckled.

“Christ … you’re practically a baby,” Hei Xiazi grumbled.

“Well, Xiǎogē could probably say the same about you,” Wu Xie said; then blinked. “Hundreds …” he had still not quite gotten over that revelation from Madam Huo and Zhang Rishan.

“That’s fair …” Hei Xiazi grunted again; looking back down at Zhang Qiling and recentering on the more pertinent observation.

After a long moment of contemplation Hei Xiazi murmured half to himself, “Maybe it is time to stop running …”

 ***

It was a couple of hours later. The Iron Triangle plus one were on the road again, taking the slow and steady route back towards Wushanju and the familiarity and comfort of home.

Wu Xie sat on one of the two side seats that would fold out to become part of the king-sized bed when necessary, watching over Zhang Qiling while Hei Xiazi kept his more usual seat next to Pangzi for now.

There was still a measure of uncertainty, a waiting to see how the relational dynamics would change based on whatever new changes had taken place with Zhang Qiling this time around; so, Wu Xie had opted for the side seat rather than joining the man on the sofa just yet.

Wu Xie wondered if he would ever get used to that feeling of waiting in a sort of limbo, unsure of where he stood because Zhang Qiling might not remember or be okay with the same things they’d previously worked on.

Now, with a 20-year trauma dump added into the mix, Wu Xie thought it was a lot better to be safe than sorry.

He watched diligently though, aching for that tiny change in the man’s features; grieving the loss of that openness even as he hoped that one day the man would once again be able to be free of the cares that Golmud had heaped onto him.

Zhang Qiling stirred, his brow furrowing as his breathing shifted; his chest rising and falling more rapidly.

“Xiazi,” Wu Xie called. “I think he’s waking up.”

Hei Xiazi unbuckled his seatbelt and slid out of his seat.

Pangzi gave him a side-eyed glance; but refrained from his usual “Stay seated when we’re driving” shtick. There were somewhat extenuating circumstances today.

Flickering expressions of agitation moved across Zhang Qiling’s face and then suddenly he was gasping his way awake and into a seated position, his eyes momentarily wide and full of something like fear but somehow deeper in a way that made Wu Xie’s heart pang again.

Zhang Qiling’s eyes found Hei Xiazi then and a relief registered rapidly, the breathing already beginning to deescalate the anguish fading from his eyes slowly.

“You really are here …” he breathed the words. “I thought I’d dreamed it …”

“Yes, I’m really here, Yaba,” Hei Xiazi said; his own voice tight with stirring emotions. Reaching out, Hei Xiazi cupped Zhang Qiling’s cheek and Zhang Qiling reached up to cover Hei Xiazi’s hand; turning his face into the man’s palm as he closed his eyes and focused on the feel of him, the smell of him.

Little shudders moved through Zhang Qiling’s body, involuntary tremors taking up the space that the momentary fear and disorientation had vacated.

“I think you’re in shock, Yaba,” Hei Xiazi said. “You need to rest more. Your body needs to process and integrate a whole hell of a lot of input. Not to mention,” Hei Xiazi stepped away briefly to get a wash cloth and wet it. “You being semi activated from the stress its putting on your body means you’re expending a lot of extra energy right now.”

Zhang Qiling, didn’t say anything; but his eyes never left Hei Xiazi once as the man returned with the dampened cloth.

“Would you like me to sit with you?” Hei Xiazi guessed the silent request behind those dark eyes.

Zhang Qiling immediately nodded.

“Let’s get your hoodie off first, and see if we can’t get your temperature down,” Hei Xiazi said, helping the trembling man free of the warmer garment.

Now in just a t-shirt, the etching of the Qilin’s feathered tail could be seen wrapping around his upper arm and elbow.  

Scooting a little to make room Zhang Qiling waited for Hei Xiazi to sit at the end of the sofa then laid back down again; curling his legs in a little to make up for less space as he pillowed his head on Hei Xiazi’s thigh. Almost unconsciously his hand moved to rest on Hei Xiazi’s leg, his fingers gripping onto the fabric of the man’s jeans as if to keep him from going anywhere.

Hei Xiazi gently washed sweat from Zhang Qiling’s skin before folding the cloth and draping it against the man’s neck so it could help ease some of that unnatural heat radiating through the man’s body.

“Just rest,” Hei Xiazi soothed; slowly beginning to stroke his fingers through Zhang Qiling’s hair.

Chapter Text

Wu Xie had tossed and turned for a long time after settling back into his bedroom at Wushanju.

It had been a long time since he’d been in the situation of being aware that Zhang Qiling was having a hard time while not being able to go to him.

Had he ever been in that situation?

Sure, there had been times where it had been necessary to be a bit more reserved with the level of cuddliness with which he could show care depending on the circumstances, but throughout the majority of Zhang Qiling’s stay with them; if ever Wu Xie was worried, or if ever Zhang Qiling needed help, it had been the most natural thing in the world to just go be that help.

Now though, that role had been almost entirely supplanted by Hei Xiazi.

At least for now it had been.

Throughout the course of the drive back to Wushanju, Zhang Qiling had woken up several times in a similar fashion to that first one; disoriented and agitated, and only calming once he’d been able to reassure himself that Hei Xiazi was with him. So, it was only natural that Hei Xiazi had taken the man with him to his own rooms upstairs instead. It was only common sense.

No one, including Wu Xie, wanted to find out what would happen if Zhang Qiling were to wake in that sort of distress only to not be able to find his current anchor to a semblance of sanity almost immediately.

Zhang Qiling needed Hei Xiazi, and Wu Xie did not begrudge either man the fact that they’d found each other again.

Still…

It had taken a long time for Wu Xie to finally be able to fall asleep himself; and perhaps it was that same unease that prompted him to wake up at … what time was it?

A glance at the clock showed that it was barely past six in the morning.  

It was way too early. Especially considering there wasn’t a Zhang Qiling to go find, since he was no doubt still sequestered with Hei Xiazi and hopefully sleeping off the wearing effects and stress of activation that was always so hard on the man’s body; especially as he’d only just begun reaching a tentative semblance of good health.

Was he asleep upstairs?

The thought was odd, the strange feeling of an inward prompting sparking a moment’s realization as Wu Xie reevaluated the feeling. Maybe he was awake at this odd hour for the same reason he’d started waking up early back when Zhang Qiling had been an early riser. Maybe his odd connection of the man was why he lay here now thinking about him.

Wu Xie sat up, leaning into the feeling … the sensitivity that Almindreda had been low key tutoring him on over the phone ever since he’d found out about Zhang Qiling’s dual nature and wanted to be able to become aware of it like Almindreda was able to just in case it was helpful to Zhang Qiling later.

Not letting him overanalyze the why of what he did, Wu Xie simply did the first thing that came to mind; moving towards the blinds covering the windows looking out into the private courtyard onto which his room and Zhang Qiling’s room opened.

Opening the blinds, Wu Xie found what he’d already suspected he’d find the moment he’d moved that direction on the apparent whim.

Zhang Qiling was sitting on one of the outdoor chairs, apparently very awake; his head leaning back as he looked up at the slowly lightening morning sky.

Thrilling with a measure of relief at Zhang Qiling doing something so normal for him so soon after the strain of yesterday, Wu Xie grabbed his dressing gown; shoving his feet into some house shoes rapidly before letting himself out onto the patio.

Zhang Qiling’s head turned towards the sound of his arrival, his onyx eyes finding Wu Xie’s immediately.

Wu Xie was glad to see none of the evidences of distress in those eyes now; though he missed the open quality of the man’s expression immediately.

It wasn’t as if he was shut down per se, he’d probably been far more shut down back when they’d all first met during the first tomb. But there was something subtle about his eyes and the set of his lips that spoke of something weighing him down that was not at all like the open and curious version of himself that Wu Xie had come to enjoy over the past weeks.

“You look better,” Wu Xie said; trying to look past what was not there and begin the task of relearning this new version instead.

Zhang Qiling nodded.

“Did you sleep okay?” Wu Xie asked.

Zhang Qiling nodded again.

Wu Xie meandered slowly closer, considering taking up the other patio chair; but he was a little uncertain as he tried to read the subdued clues on that too serious face.

But then Zhang Qiling reached out to him with one hand, beckoning him closer with a request in his eyes that made Wu Xie’s heart thrill again; and he went willingly, taking it and letting Zhang Qiling entangle their fingers together.

“This is new …” Wu Xie noted, brushing the long sleeve of the black v-neck sweater that Zhang Qiling was wearing.

((This is basically the serious face and the clothing combined :) ))

“It’s Xia’s,” Zhang Qiling murmured.

“It looks good on you,” Wu Xie observed out loud. “A little big …” Without thinking he reached out and brushed the apex of Zhang Qiling’s shoulder where the fabric was loose; emphasizing the slender length of his neck and the slight dip of his collar bones. When Zhang Qiling didn’t withdraw or show any other signs of disliking the contact, Wu Xie let his fingers play absently with the tiny silver medallion that Almindreda had given him resting just below the hollow of that pale throat.

“I’m not used to seeing you out of a hoodie,” Wu Xie said; relishing in the warmth of Zhang Qiling’s hand in his and the willingness to be close that it represented, his fears of needing to keep his distance melting away.

Zhang Qiling’s free hand reached up to cup Wu Xie’s cheek, and Wu Xie stilled; his eyes searching the onyx ones, feeling that inexplicable connection in the contact.

“May I kiss you?” Zhang Qiling asked.

Wu Xie nodded so fast and earnestly that it sparked a momentary magic that almost took his breath away …

Amusement touched Zhang Qiling’s lips … but also his eyes; a brief glimmer of humor appearing for an instant and a smile that wasn’t just a tiny upturned curve faded into being on the man’s features a hint of teeth showing through.

((Like this with just a teensy-bit even more smile to it 🥰 ))

Wu Xie’s heart soared at the expression. He had thought that the exchange of the open innocence for the weight of remembering the darkness that the world was capable would be only bad. But suddenly it appeared that just because the heaviness accompanying that knowledge was closer to the surface didn’t negate the possibility of other long buried demonstrations of emotions being closer to the surface now too.

“Your smile’s different!” Wu Xie thrilled aloud.

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling murmured, then his fingers cupped the nape of Wu Xie’s neck; drawing him downward and his lips stopped any further verbalized observations of the ever-curious man for a long and lingering moment.

One thing hadn’t changed …

The way that Zhang Qiling could communicate so many things through a kiss; and if possible, it seemed that the emotions that flowed to Wu Xie had a depth and complexity to them that was richer and more layered now than they’d been before. Perhaps because this version of Zhang Qiling had a depth of life experience that the others had forgotten.

Wu Xie could feel the weight the man was carrying through the contact too; an intricate blend of sadness and shadow and a comprehension of the darker natures of the world that Wu Xie had never personally come close to experiencing … never wanted to experience. His eyes stung just from this residual sensation left behind by what Zhang Qiling himself had experienced.

But there was not just the weight, there was a searching; a desire to know and understand …

At first Wu Xie wasn’t sure what Zhang Qiling was seeking to know and understand; but as Zhang Qiling deepened the kiss, his tongue joining the party and exploring Wu Xie’s mouth the answer dawned in Wu Xie’s mind like a light switching on.

Zhang Qiling was wanting to know and understand him.

Initially it struck Wu Xie as strange, because he wasn’t sure what more there was to know about his rather simplistic view of himself. Afterall, Zhang Qiling had already explored him physically a few times now since Tamutuo; so, what more was there really that the man seemed so intent on discovering?

But, then it made a sort of sense. Even if this version of Zhang Qiling retained the memories of his time since waking up post Tamutuo; this version was still vastly different in ways that Wu Xie doubted he’d manage to fully grasp for months if not years, if ever. This version hadn’t experienced him … not really. He might have the memories; but, Wu Xie suspected, having a memory from a small part of himself was vastly different to experiencing something firsthand with all the fullness of oneself entirely engaged in the process.

Perhaps it was like rewatching a favorite movie from one’s childhood. The memories would be dim recollections, because the perspective with which it had been watched was far simpler; unable to comprehend some or deeply understand other parts because a child’s life experience was limited.

As an adult though, that same movie would be full of nuance. The grown-up jokes that had gone over the child’s head were now amusing, the sad parts were richer because the adult might have some life experience with which to relate to the angst, the romantic parts were no longer gag inducing …

The comparisons were endless; but now Wu Xie thought he understood.

This version of Zhang Qiling wanted to experience him too; with all that complexity that had been freshly awakened. And, if Zhang Qiling was getting any of the emotional feedback that Wu Xie was getting from him … which Wu Xie suspected he was and more considering what Hei Xiazi had shared about how Zhang Qiling experienced the world best through touch; then the man was doing more than learning and experiencing a kiss from him just now.

Wu Xie’s overthinking popped like a pricked bubble when the all-encompassing kiss stopped, and he had to gulp air; realizing that he’d forgotten to breathe for the moment that had been turned into a mini-eternity.     

“Xièxiè,” Zhang Qiling murmured.

Wu Xie laughed breathlessly. “You’re thanking me for a kiss?” he questioned.

“I’m thanking you for being you,” Zhang Qiling explained. “And … for helping me.”

Wu Xie blinked down into that face which was too serious again.

“For helping you with what?” Wu Xie asked.

“Thank you for helping me feel real.”    

Chapter Text

Hei Xiazi was not precisely sure why he’d been standing in front of his dresser for the past five minutes; procrastinating on the simple task of actually exchanging his towel for clothing, and prolonging the inevitable moment when he would have to leave his room and join the other occupants of Wushanju.

There was only one person he wanted to see …

And yet he simultaneously dreaded to see him; because then he might just actually have to process the weirdness of the emotional mix he’d woken up to that morning.

At first it had seemed like every other day, those first moments of waking alone in his bed like every other morning he’d spent at Wu Xie’s uncle’s house.

And then he’d remembered that when he’d gone to sleep the night before he had not been alone.

The resulting slew of emotions at remembering the not quite two days previous - the visit to Golmud and the abrupt reinstating of his relational status as well as his place as something of a necessity in Zhang Qiling’s life – had poured in then. That influx had been subsequently followed by the question of where was Zhang Qiling now?

The resulting mixture of concern, an almost compulsion level impulse to immediately find and check on the man, relief at the absence and a resulting confusion and self-castigation at said relief, and a sense of odd loss at the fact that the man wasn’t there clinging to him and needing him once again: all had served to turn his morning into an odd turmoil that even discovering that Zhang Qiling was safe and sound in the courtyard with Wu Xie and a long hot shower had not yet soothed.

So, he stood there as he mentally tried to kick himself into gear; calling himself all kinds of a fool, and yet still remaining right where he was.

Then there was a soft knock at the door.

Hei Xiazi knew immediately who it was.

He would have heard anyone else’s footsteps; and besides, no one else ever came up to his room.

“Come in,” he said; his voice oddly hoarse.

Zhang Qiling opened the door and slipped in on silent bare feet; shutting the door and then standing with his back to it as he looked at Hei Xiazi with those eyes that seemed especially dark just now.

Hei Xiazi wasn’t entirely certain why the man suddenly looked so breathtakingly beautiful to him; standing there partly swallowed in his black sweater, looking so familiarly vulnerable.

Perhaps it was because he finally had the right to feel and think these things about Zhang Qiling again.

Zhang Qiling approached slowly, his dark eyes searching Hei Xiazi’s face; reading his features like someone else might read the pages of a book, a troubled shadow … a pained shadow passing across the handsome features.

Stepping close and into arm’s reach now, Zhang Qiling’s hands settled onto Hei Xiazi’s naked shoulders; trailing up the sides of his neck until his long and delicate fingers could curl tightly into the dark waves of still damp hair.

“Xia …” Zhang Qiling breathed the singular word before pressing invitingly soft lips to Hei Xiazi’s; an aching yearning in the force of the kiss he gave.

Hei Xiazi’s hands moved to Zhang Qiling’s body before even a thought of hesitation or caution could still them, his hands settling against the sweater shrouded waist; and even the oversized garment couldn’t hide the slender feel of the man.

“Xia, I’m so sorry …” Zhang Qiling half whispered the words when he finally stopped for breath; his hands still tangled in Hei Xiazi’s hair, his forehead pressed to the other man’s. “Duìbùqǐ Xia …”

There was practically a pleading in the words and Hei Xiazi opened his eyes, looking at the man when he heard the pain in Zhang Qiling’s voice.

The pain was on the man’s face too; etched on his features and held in those fathomless eyes.

“Yaba, what on earth are you apologizing to me for?” Hei Xiazi asked, cupping the other man’s cheek; wanting more than anything to wipe that pain off of the man’s expression. It was very near to unbearable to look at this familiar face and see tears trembling in anguish filled eyes … it was intolerable.

“I’ve been hurting you …” Zhang Qiling breathed. “I forgot … I never meant to … I never wanted to …”

Hei Xiazi could feel and see tremors of overwrought feelings move through the man’s slight frame.

It was such a Yaba thing to do …

Regardless of whatever griefs and pains the man must have of his own … a mountain of them Hei Xiazi was sure; of course, Yaba would be immediately more concerned about what grief or pain he might have caused someone else – especially someone he loved.

“Oh Yaba …” Hei Xiazi sighed and slipped his arms around the man now; pulling him in close, having to remind himself not to crush the air out of him with the force of his hug.

Zhang Qiling rested his head on Hei Xiazi’s shoulder as his own hands slid around the other man’s torso. There was almost a desperation to the returned embrace a hungering for closeness that he’d been working to control from nearly the moment he’d woken up that morning. He was still grappling with feelings and thoughts of derealization; and he had been aching to do precisely this all morning long – find his assurance of reality in this one connection between this strange new world and the one that seemed far more solid with all of its years of memories.  

“It’s not your fault, Yaba. None of it is your fault …” Hei Xiazi murmured; the unsettled feeling of being unneeded from earlier was rapidly vanishing as he felt how hard Zhang Qiling was trembling and clinging.

No … just because Zhang Qiling was outwardly managing that mountain of griefs and pains far better than Hei Xiazi had thought he could; apparently it was still very much there. Even when Zhang Qiling finally began to disengage, it was clearly an effort to not continue to hold on; the man struggling a little to find his equilibrium.

“We should go see if Pangzi has breakfast ready yet,” Hei Xiazi suggested; steadying the man by the elbow and maintaining that contact until he was sure that Zhang Qiling was not going to crumble without it. “You hardly ate anything at all yesterday; and with the activation and everything, it wouldn’t be good to push your limits without some calories to help your body regroup,” Hei Xiazi continued, scrutinizing Zhang Qiling’s features.

He was surprised to see a ghost of a smile slip across Zhang Qiling’s features. It was unsteady but it was there.

“Will you be wearing this to breakfast?” Zhang Qiling questioned softly, his fingertips just brushing Hei Xiazi’s skin right above the fabric of the towel clinging to his hips.

A lopsided smirk tugged at Hei Xiazi’s lips, a hint of incredulity and admiration touching his eyes.

“Are you being a tease right now?” Hei Xiazi asked.

Zhang Qiling’s eyes raised to Hei Xiazi’s as the small smile wavered slightly then solidified as he looped his arms around the man’s neck; lingering close. Perhaps it wasn’t an invitation for sexy time, but it was definitely a very clear not shying away from Hei Xiazi’s half-naked state.

“Well …” Hei Xiazi cleared his throat; suddenly very aware of the warmth of Zhang Qiling’s closeness and of other implications. “Anything past teasing should probably wait for now. That would likely count as one of those limits you shouldn’t push until we’re sure your body can handle it and you would definitely at least need calories.”

Zhang Qiling nodded as he closed his eyes, lingering again even while acknowledging the fact that every moment that he held on would make releasing the solid evidence of his current reality all that much harder.

Hei Xiazi briefly wondered if he was imagining the hints that Zhang Qiling might rather push himself into something he wasn’t quite ready for, just to avoid having to let go again.

“Oh Yaba …” Hei Xiazi sighed softly; an ache starting up in his chest. He didn’t try to distance himself from the man; letting Zhang Qiling remain as close as he wanted for a moment. “Did you sleep okay?” Hei Xiazi opted for an innocent question to ease the silence.

Zhang Qiling didn’t answer, his arms just tightening fractionally around Hei Xiazi’s neck.

Hei Xiazi winced. “You were gone when I woke up …” he murmured.

“I wanted to see the sky.” Zhang Qiling explained just as quietly.

Hei Xiazi winced again.

How many times had Zhang Qiling daydreamed aloud about the sky back when they’d been imprisoned together? It was one of the things the man had missed so much. Nature, and the sky, and the open spaces and freedoms that those represented.

“I understand,” Hei Xiazi said; because he did … he had once had to work through a loathing of being cooped up inside for too long after that.

They were quiet for a few more long minutes before Zhang Qiling drew a few long deep breaths and unwound his arms from Hei Xiazi all over again; stepping back to an arm’s length’s distance to avoid the temptation of just hanging on for the rest of the whole.

“I’m going to let you get dressed so things in the kitchen don’t get too racy for the kids …” Zhang Qiling said; finding his unsteady smile again and putting a little more levity into the words. “See you down there?” he finished.

The admiration was there again, Hei Xiazi recognizing the effort and bravery it had to take to manage anything like genuine humor while battling whatever it was that the man was clearly struggling with in his own quiet way.

“I’ll be down as soon as I can get some clothes on,” Hei Xiazi promised; still aching as he watched Zhang Qiling hesitate and then force himself to turn towards the door of the room again.    

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling stood in place for a long moment after shutting Hei Xiazi’s bedroom door behind himself.

The urge to turn right back around and go back in order to combat that constant lurking doubt spiked; but Zhang Qiling just closed his eyes, breathing through the feeling. For a moment his fingers curled to a fist at his side, his jaw tensing as he pushed down the irrational fear; then he drew in a slow, centering breath and focused on relaxing his body.

He could hear the faint sounds of Pangzi and Wu Xie down in the kitchen. Everything was going to be okay.

For now, he would keep acting as if what he heard and saw was the reality; and maybe … eventually … his mind and body would start actually believing him on more than a moment-by-moment basis.

Starting down the steps, Zhang Qiling made a beeline towards the distantly familiar sounds; memories of other mornings surfacing even as he approached the kitchen.

He’d only just stepped through the door when a little fluffball on legs came to him, mewing plaintively and rubbing against his ankles; prompting another memory to surface.

“I’d almost forgotten …” Zhang Qiling murmured out loud as he stooped to scoop up the still nameless kitten, cradling it in the crook of his elbow as the mews were exchanged for happy purring.

“Xiǎogē!” Pangzi greeted brightly. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be up and around this morning or not.”

“He’s been up,” Wu Xie said; sending a smile in Zhang Qiling’s direction from where he was sitting at the counter.

“Well good,” Pangzi said. “I’m making a bunch of stuff that I know you like to eat and it would be a shame if you missed out.”

“Xièxiè,” Zhang Qiling said as he perched lightly on the stool next to Wu Xie’s and between the younger man and where Hei Xiazi would no doubt sit.

“You’re very welcome,” Pangzi said. “Though I wonder … maybe we can finally update the Xiǎogē likes list. If you remember more things, then does that mean you remember more foods you like?”

Zhang Qiling’s brow furrowed slightly as he considered. “Things are still a bit scrambled,” he confessed.

“Well, we can take our time with that then,” Pangzi said. “There’s absolutely no rush. Just if you do happen to remember any good things you want to eat just let me know and I’ll see about preparing it one of these days.”

“That applies to more than just food stuff,” Wu Xie said earnestly. “If there’s anything you want to do, or something that will help make things easier for you; just let us know, okay?”

Zhang Qiling preoccupied himself with the furry creature in his arms briefly, not entirely sure if he could trust his voice as his throat went tight with sudden intense emotion. The kitten purred more loudly as Zhang Qiling gently skritched it’s chin with the tip of his long index finger; the sound and vibration of it offering a soothing distraction for a moment.

Wu Xie reached out and put his hand on Zhang Qiling’s shoulder; feeling the emotional wave in the air between them almost strongly enough to make his own throat tighten.

Zhang Qiling raised his eyes to Wu Xie’s, a strong feeling of gratitude cutting through the acuteness of the confused muddle of feelings.

“I think we should have a relaxing day of pleasant distractions,” Pangzi was rattling on cheerily as he kept cooking. “Doing that at Xie Yuchen’s place seemed to work well for destressing.”

“I’m inclined to agree …”

Hei Xiazi appeared in the kitchen as if by magic per the usual. “Mundane every day stuff with a side of mentally preoccupying activities might be just right.”

Zhang Qiling’s attention shifted to Hei Xiazi as if the man were a magnet; but the next instant he forced himself to divide his attention more evenly between Wu Xie’s comforting presence and the other man’s.

Wu Xie gave Zhang Qiling’s shoulder a squeeze; not missing the almost compulsive fashion of the attention shift, or the way that Zhang Qiling immediately tried to balance the reaction. “What did you have in mind?” he asked Hei Xiazi; keeping his tone light.

“I was going to suggest a shopping trip,” Hei Xiazi said unexpectedly.

“Shopping?” Wu Xie questioned skeptically.

“Shopping,” Hei Xiazi confirmed with a nod. “If we go early enough, we can avoid crowds; and I wonder if it might not be helpful for Yaba to pick out some things that will help him feel more like himself.”

Wu Xie was still confused, but Pangzi piped up; sharing some insight on the topic.

“I’d noticed that you weren’t wearing a hoody today, Xiǎogē,” Pangzi observed out loud. “Are baggy sweaters your new go to?”

Wu Xie blinked. “I noticed you weren’t wearing a hoody too, but I just thought it was a convenience thing or … or I thought you were wearing it because it helped you feel closer to Xiazi …” Wu Xie ducked his head momentarily as he confessed that his line of thinking had definitely been including both men of late; but he continued on quickly. “But I suppose you might also just not be as drawn to hoodies as you were before.”

“Or t-shirts and jeans,” Pangzi joined in on the speculation.

“Yaba, do you think you might feel up to going out?” Hei Xiazi questioned more directly this time.

Zhang Qiling had a little focused furrow in between his eyebrows as he blinked his way through a few different lines of thought; mostly trying to adjust to the realization that he could go out and do something so simple as shopping. He had the freedom and choice to do so … a fact that felt about as novel as the idea of being able to just walk out of Golmud’s abandoned halls the other day had felt.

Realizing that an expectant silence had fallen, Zhang Qiling blinked up from the furry head he was absently petting. “I think I can handle it,” he said; not entirely sure that was the case, but he was suddenly very eager to at least verify that the concept was indeed possible.

“And worse comes to worse, we’ll go there with Viki,” Pangzi said. “So, you have a familiar spot to retreat to if something gets overwhelming.”

“Is this about to be like the glow-up/makeover montage scene?” Wu Xie questioned as he warmed to the idea. “We could even go get his hair cut and stuff.”

“A Xiǎogē remakes himself scene?” Pangzi questioned. “I’m down with that idea.”

Hei Xiazi gave a bemused huff. “You young’uns watch too many romantic dramas; but sure. If that’s how you want to think of it, then fine; we’ll go out for a Yaba ‘glow-up’.”   

Chapter Text

“And here we are!” Pangzi announced as he, Wu Xie, Hei Xiazi, and of course Zhang Qiling passed through the automatic doors of the sprawling building and into a spectacle paying ode to modern consumerism. “This is the biggest mall in Hangzhou, and it’s got a little bit of everything; which I figured would be ideal. This way we won’t have to spend a lot of time driving between locations and can just spend that time shopping, or whatever other stuff we want.”

There was nothing surreptitious about the way that three sets of eyes turned towards Zhang Qiling; he was the planet around which all three men tended to revolve around these days in one way or another anyway.

Zhang Qiling’s head was back as he looked up, up, up; taking in the splendor of glass and shiny surfaces that stretched above them in multiple levels. He blinked a few times at the sight of it all, his thoughts thoroughly distracted from more serious things.

“Its so big,” he observed quietly; the words earning grins backed by various predominant feelings from his three companions. “Who needs this much space just for shopping?”

“Apparently modern-day China,” Hei Xiazi said with a bemused smirk.

“Shopping plazas and malls aren’t that modern of a concept though,” Wu Xie observed; his own amusement holding a good deal of thinking Zhang Qiling was adorable in it. “Weren’t there such things prior to …?” Wu Xie hesitated to bring up the topic that they were supposed to be distracting from for a little while at least.

“Oh, there were,” Hei Xiazi confirmed. “This level of extravagance and modernity is more a current times thing; but there were similar arrangements back in the 70s too. We aren’t talking ancient China here.”

“I don’t remember,” Zhang Qiling murmured; still taking in the sight with just about the closest thing to a wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression that the man was ever likely to come close too – considering one might still need to use psychic powers to tell for sure if he was actually surprised by the visual.

((The Xiǎogē version of being “wide-eyed and open-mouthed” :P))

“Well, where should we start first?” Pangzi questioned.

Zhang Qiling blinked at him, clearly at a bit of a loss.

“Should we do the spa stuff first?” Wu Xie suggested. “Then we’ll have a good baseline look so it will be easier to pick out the right clothing.”

Zhang Qiling nodded; and one brief perusal of one of the kiosks with navigation information later, they arrived at something of an all-inclusive beauty parlor/spa arrangement that seemed ideal for the sort of things they had in mind.

“So, spa pedicures for all four of you, a manicure add-on for you two,” the receptionist indicated Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling. Wu Xie smiled and nodded the affirmative. “And a haircut for just you sir?” the receptionist’s eyes were appreciative to say the least as she looked to Zhang Qiling.

Zhang Qiling just nodded.

“Oh, and … if possible,” Hei Xiazi interjected suddenly. “My friend here is shy of women,” Hei Xiazi clapped Zhang Qiling lightly on the back. “So, if you might possibly have a male stylist available for him, that would be much appreciated.”

“Of course,” the receptionist said; making a note in the computer before she led them towards a row of luxuriously cushioned chairs.

“I’m not shy of women,” Zhang Qiling commented when the receptionist was out of earshot again. “At least I don’t think I am …” he amended.

“You’re not, usually,” Hei Xiazi confirmed as he settled into a chair on one side of the one Zhang Qiling had settled into.

“Then why did you tell the receptionist that?” Wu Xie asked as he took up the other side and Pangzi slid into the one next to him.

“Well…” Hei Xiazi pursed his lips in consideration. “Maybe its nothing besides being overcautious. But, I expect Yaba might know; or you will know once we get started.”

Zhang Qiling got a slightly puzzled furrow between his eyebrows for a moment; but he let the consternation fade as staff came near to begin the various ordered treatments. The spa pedicure was first; a calf massage and salt scrub foot bath, and Zhang Qiling forgot about trying to remember what Hei Xiazi was being cautious about.

“Are you enjoying yourself, Xiǎogē?” Pangzi sat forward a bit in his chair so he could look around Wu Xie to the other man; his lips already quirking into a pleased grin just from looking at Zhang Qiling’s expression.

Zhang Qiling had his eyes closed, his expression subtly serene as he murmured a soft “Mmm,” in answer.

Pangzi and Wu Xie exchanged thrilled looks.

“Now we’ll just let your feet soak as we do the other treatments; then we’ll come back around to them at the end,” Wu Xie’s technician explained to the group.

Wu Xie fairly beamed as he nodded; his worries about Zhang Qiling getting overwhelmed beginning to evaporate.

Even Hei Xiazi found himself relaxing in spite of his stubborn attempts to maintain his cantankerous persona.

“May I have your hand, sir?”

Zhang Qiling’s technician asked; ready to begin the manicure portion of things a few minutes later.

At first Zhang Qiling didn’t respond; and Wu Xie reached to gently jostle his elbow.

Zhang Qiling blinked his eyes open with a little susurrating intake of breath; taking a moment to recall himself.

“He wants to do the manicure part,” Wu Xie prompted; trying not to d’aww all over the place.

“Are you falling asleep, Xiǎogē?” Pangzi queried. “Wu Xie we should have taken him out for this stuff sooner, I think. Look how relaxed he is.”

Zhang Qiling surrendered his hand watching and slow blinking free of the cobwebs of the mini doze.

“I didn’t really think it would be a thing that you liked, Xiǎogē,” Wu Xie admitted.

“And maybe he wouldn’t have liked it earlier,” Hei Xiazi said; letting his feet soak as he watched Zhang Qiling get pampered. “The Zhang Qiling I met in Banai wouldn’t have liked it I don’t think.”

“Considering how standoffish you were at first, Xiǎogē; I think Xiazi might be right,” Pangzi said.

Wu Xie nodded thoughtfully. “But then you adjust to some things so quickly sometimes; you might have enjoyed it after being at our house for a while after The Paracel Island tomb.”

Zhang Qiling was slow-blinking between curiously watching what was being done to his hands and Wu Xie now, and he shrugged; not knowing what he would have liked or not during versions of himself he couldn’t remember. And, for a moment, he wasn’t bothered by the fact that he couldn’t remember.

“Any preferences on nail polish besides the more typical clear we use for our male clients?” the technician asked.

“You should totally get a colored polish, Xiǎogē,” Pangzi immediately said with a grin.

Zhang Qiling blinked, a bit out of his depth.

“He’ll take clear,” Hei Xiazi grunted with a roll of his eyes towards the younger men.

“I’ll take clear too,” Wu Xie said. “We can always experiment with other stuff later if Xiǎogē wants to.”

There was more soaking time after Zhang Qiling and Wu Xie’s hands were done and well-manicured, and while three of the men chatted; Zhang Qiling mostly just enjoyed himself in silence, maybe dozing off a couple of times until a brush of Wu Xie’s fingers would prompt him to return his attention back to the present.

The hair stylist lowered the reclining back of Zhang Qiling’s chair, bringing over a rolling basin for his head to rest over as the complimentary wash portion of the cut began; complete with a scalp massage, because Wu Xie had gone all out with making sure that man would get the best of everything on this day of distraction.

Zhang Qiling didn’t doze now, but he was quiet as the technician toweled his hair dry and returned his chair upright to begin the haircut.

“I remember now,” Zhang Qiling murmured the words softly.

Hei Xiazi looked sideways at the man; trying to gauge if he needed to get ready to remove him from the situation or not. But as usual, Zhang Qiling was hard to read. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I think so,” Zhang Qiling said; his manner subdued briefly as memories sorted themselves out from the mass of them, the stimuli of this simple process drawing them to the surface. They were hardly some of the worst of his memories at Golmud. Not even close, even if some had deeply unpleasant connotations and ties to other worse things.

Wu Xie’s curiosity burned a little, wanting to know; but he dared not ask, not here at least with stranger’s ears present. “Just let us know if things start to not be okay,” Wu Xie offered instead.

Zhang Qiling glanced to the young man’s face, offering a tiny smile of affirmative and thanks.

A handful of minutes later Zhang Qiling’s hair was blow dried and styled into its new well-kempt state. The cut was shorter on the sides and longer on the top; leaving enough length for a bit of natural wave to come through giving just a hint of intentional messiness to the otherwise sleek nature of the style.

((Haircut Inspo Pictures))

“Xiǎogē went from a bit shaggy and adorable to hot real fast,” Pangzi commented with a few blinks at the man as the hairstylist cleaned up the loose hair, and preparations began for the final stage of the pedicure. “Don’t you think so Wu Xie?” Pangzi added; sending a grin towards his young friend.

The pink kissing Wu Xie’s cheeks and his suddenly sparkling eyes was a loud enough pronouncement of his agreement. “I thought he was hot either way,” was what he said though; ducking his head straight after while Zhang Qiling looked a bit pleased at the obvious admiration etched on the younger man’s expressive features.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen your hair this short, Yaba,” Hei Xiazi said; the hint of a rough edge to his voice indicating an agreement with Pangzi’s sentiment.

Zhang Qiling’s attention shifted to Hei Xiazi’s at the subtle heat and a sudden slight charge to the air, and a lopsided grin suddenly flashed across his face; his eyes meeting and holding Hei Xiazi’s gaze for a moment.

Hei Xiazi blinked a little; suddenly reevaluating his assumption earlier that morning about Zhang Qiling not being ready for certain things.

Thankfully the last portion of the pedicure began with the arrival of more strangers so Hei Xiazi didn’t have to start considering the implications of that possibility just yet.

***

After a good hour of pampering, the four men emerged back into the main atrium of the mall; ready to tackle the next aspect of their trip with varying levels of enthusiasm.

Hei Xiazi was doing his best to look bored, and largely succeeding. Getting prettied up and doing things like shopping were not super high on his list of favorite pastimes.

Wu Xie had been tense at first; worried, as always, about overstimulating or otherwise triggering Zhang Qiling. Especially considering that the man had literally just had decades of trauma dumped into his conscious memory just a little bit ago. But, he was warming to his subject now; switching from the protective mode to a new mode that he was less familiar with in this sort of setting.

It was vaguely reminiscent of that time he’d gotten it into his head to make the perfect hideout for Zhang Qiling pre-Tamutuo. Only this time, instead of making over a space; he was getting the unique chance to makeover Zhang Qiling.

Pangzi of course was just watching and enjoying everyone else’s enjoyment for the most part.

“All righty then,” Wu Xie said; very nearly bouncing with growing excitement. “We’ve got all of the jeans and t-shirts you’ll probably ever need back at home, so let’s change things up a bit and look at some of the fashionable shops and see if we can’t dress things up a bit.”

“You better be careful,” Pangzi said to Zhang Qiling in a stage whisper. “When he gets like this, he’s likely be a bit pushy if he gets a particular style in mind. I made the mistake of going clothes shopping with him once; and by the end of it I looked like some sort of fashion model ready for the runway; which, as you can see, is not my usual vibe,” Pangzi gestured towards his comfortable outfit that was stylish in its own way; but not exactly fashionista-esque.

“I won’t do that to you, Xiǎogē,” Wu Xie promised. “This is more about you picking things that help you feel the most like you; I’ll just be here for pointers if you want them. Maybe think of me as a consultant.”

Hei Xiazi snorted from where he strolled a step or so behind them. “So much fuss just for clothing…” he commented dryly.

“Well not everyone thinks that a tank top, jeans, and a leather jacket make an entire wardrobe,” Wu Xie said.

“I have other clothes,” Hei Xiazi protested. “Yaba was wearing a sweater of mine this morning.”

“You never actually seem to be in “other clothes” though,” Wu Xie said.

“Says the kid who dresses like a 40-year-old librarian most days,” Hei Xiazi up-nodded to the young man’s current outfit.

((The Outfit :P))

“I do not,” Wu Xie protested in mild affront. “What’s wrong with my clothes?!”

“Nothing is wrong with your clothes,” Pangzi soothed; pat-patting Wu Xie on the shoulder with a barely suppressed grin.

Wu Xie came very nearly pouting as he looked to Zhang Qiling. “Do you think there’s something wrong with my clothes?” Wu Xie asked with big, innocent eyes.

“No,” Zhang Qiling said simply but with that little emphatic-ness that he usually used for the rare times he wanted to emphasize something.

Wu Xie smiled then shot a look over his shoulder at Hei Xiazi. “See. Xiǎogē doesn’t think anything is wrong with the way I dress.”

“I never said anything was wrong with it,” Hei Xiazi said. “Just that it makes you look like you’ve just skipped over your twenties and headed right into ‘I’m too wrapped up in my books and papers to bother with being ‘hip’.”

Wu Xie scowled.

“You two are starting to sound like an old married couple squabbling,” Pangzi interjected then and both Wu Xie and Hei Xiazi blinked with almost identical mixes of surprise followed by awkward retreat from the subject for their respective reasons.

Pangzi smirked. “I’m just sayin’; but if the shoe fits …”

Hei Xiazi grimaced.

Wu Xie looked considering.

And both men stole glances at Zhang Qiling who suddenly looked vaguely like he was hiding a smile of his own.

“Oh, this store looks promising!” Wu Xie promptly exclaimed; redirecting the conversation and the trajectory of the group towards a high-end establishment.

***

At first, Zhang Qiling relied a bit on Wu Xie’s prompting to get started; letting the man style him in a few test outfits. But slowly, almost like how he relearned skills he’d forgotten, Zhang Qiling began taking more of an active part of the process.

“I think you look super cool in this outfit,” Wu Xie thrilled as Zhang Qiling exited a dressing room for the dozenth time; sporting a loosely fitting pale blue button down and matching pants with an added t-shirt for layering and even a necklace for accessorizing.

((Get ready for more eye candy <3))  

Zhang Qiling eyed himself in the floor length mirrors; a little considering furrow appearing in between his eyebrows.

“Not the one?” Wu Xie observed.

“It doesn’t feel like me …” Zhang Qiling said; slowly getting a bit more of a grasp for what Wu Xie had meant by the various rephrasing of the concept of ‘feeling like oneself’ via the medium of clothing.

“It doesn’t really look like you either,” Pangzi said supportively.

“Well, that’s something,” Wu Xie said. “Even if you aren’t quite sure what you feels like; at least we’re narrowing down what doesn’t work for you.”

After changing back into his own clothing, Zhang Qiling meandered amongst the clothing racks on his own this time; rather than having Wu Xie pick out things for him; occasionally reaching out to brush fabrics with his fingers or shift items out of the way until he’d pieced together a few that snagged his rather selective interest.

Back into the dressing room Zhang Qiling disappeared, and Hei Xiazi let out a beleaguered sigh. “It’s like the van shopping snafu all over again,” he complained. “I’m fucking bored.”

“I mean you could always go sit in the van,” Pangzi suggested.

“I’d just be more bored,” Hei Xiazi countered.

“You didn’t have to come with,” Wu Xie said; still with a little bit of a grumpy glance at the man.

“I probably won’t next time,” Hei Xiazi said; once again feeling a little unneeded with how easily Zhang Qiling seemed to be handling all of the stuff in stride.

And then Zhang Qiling emerged dressed in a sleek black blazer that he’d styled over his more typical black t-shirt instead of the branded tee that Wu Xie had picked out earlier. Some dark slacks, a simple pendant necklace, and some loafers completed the ensemble; and over all the whole of it just served to emphasize the man’s slim build and the fair skin, and even the new haircut and how it set off the angles of Zhang Qiling’s sharp jaw and long slender neck.

It was Hei Xiazi’s turn to pull his own rendition of a wide-eyed and open-mouthed expression though he quickly reclaimed something a bit closer to normal.

“Still bored?” Pangzi teased; earning a wry look from the man.  

“Oh, that looks so much better!” Wu Xie exclaimed; beaming. “So, the layering works; just less bulky stuff and the darker colors really work better for you I think.”

Zhang Qiling took the various reactions without comment, but a smile snuck on his face as he dipped his head; briefly transforming the flawless aloof image he’d resembled upon walking out as, for just a moment, all reservation and seriousness vanished from his features.

Wu Xie beamed wider at the genuineness of the expression; the pureness of it even more stunning while knowing all the darkness the man had been through.

“So that’s one outfit down,” Wu Xie said. “And we need some for all sorts of different occasions; so once you’re done in this store we can move onto the next one.”

Oddly enough, Hei Xiazi didn’t protest at the idea of more stores this time.

***

After that first outfit, things began to go more and more smoothly as Zhang Qiling solidified his new style; or was it remembering an old one? Perhaps it was a blend of both as this new but still incomplete version of himself drew on vague impressions of all of those that were currently available to him even if only subconsciously.

Within a few more store visits, Zhang Qiling had compiled a collection of items that predominated in dark colors and sleek, minimalistic lines with the odd sort of statement piece mixed in from the nearly all off-white ensemble to contrast the black one, to a chunky white turtleneck sweater, to a simple denim jacket, to a dark red on black suit that had at least two of his companions and some of the store staff near to swooning.

((Outfit Inspo Pictures))

Well … perhaps that was artistic license; but near enough at least.

He even got his own version of a leather jacket that was very different from Hei Xiazi’s even if it did pay a sort of homage to the man.

There was a couple of times where he came through the dressing room doors seeming to know exactly the sort of picture he made in a navy-blue double-breasted suit, with no hint of a shirt in site underneath; only fair skin.

((Minus the glasses :) ))

And it was about this point that Hei Xiazi was struck by questions again at the almost overt sexual suggestion, when he would have thought that sexy anything would be some of the farthest things from Zhang Qiling’s realm of desire with the sort of shit the man had to have remembered from their time in Golmud.

That questioning was only spotlighted when Zhang Qiling found a couple items and turned to Wu Xie.

“Come here,” Zhang Qiling prompted quietly.

“Who me?” Wu Xie asked, blinking at the sudden change of focus.

“Yes,” Zhang Qiling said as he looked Wu Xie over from head to toe, held some items that was still on its hanger up to Wu Xie’s chest one by one, then canted his head slightly and studied him again as if trying to picture the younger man in them.

“You should try it on, Wu Xie,” Pangzi suggested. “You’ve gotten to ogle Xiǎogē this entire time; maybe he wants a chance to look at you for once, even if you don’t end up buying anything.”

Wu Xie immediately went red, though he tried to keep his cool as he tentatively questioned; “Would you like me to try these on?” he asked.

Zhang Qiling nodded.

“There’s no shirt for this last one …” Wu Xie added; his face still burning.

“I know,” Zhang Qiling said simply and Wu Xie wondered if he was about to make a new personal record of how hard he could blush in a situation.

And here he’d thought he’d started getting over that tendency.

 Wu Xie started with the most conservative outfit which was very much in Zhang Qiling’s all black style. Wu Xie had never really thought to wear all black; feeling like he didn’t really have the look to pull it off, certainly he wasn’t edgy enough right?

But as he turned an embarrassed circle, he was pretty sure that Zhang Qiling’s gaze was rather appreciative and his confidence grew a little; even if he was still blushing.

Next came an outfit that definitely didn’t fit his “40-year-old librarian” status; and once again, Wu Xie felt out of place in it until he saw Zhang Qiling’s quietly considering pleasure.

“What, are we part of the leather jacket gang now?” Hei Xiazi questioned; trying not to look pleased that Zhang Qiling was silently touting his style, even if the ones the man had chosen were flashier than his simple brown one.

And finally … the ones Wu Xie had saved for last; ones he was still insecure about, if feeling a little less so now after getting the confidence boost of the realization that Zhang Qiling was apparently getting as much enjoyment out of seeing him dressed up as Wu Xie had been enjoying watching Zhang Qiling.

Wu Xie emerged in another all-black outfit; a full suit again, only this time instead of the conservative jacket and mock turtle-neck shirt. This one was open and the shirt’s v-neck reached halfway down his chest.

Wu Xie felt a bit of excitement growing in his belly as he stepped out again. His cheeks were still warm; but he’d never quite experienced a feeling of his own sexiness before and it was giving him a bit of a heady feeling. Zhang Qiling’s eyes on him made him feel sexy … and Wu Xie was surprised to note that Hei Xiazi’s smart remarks had cut off.

Wu Xie couldn’t tell if the man was looking at him from behind his glasses, but he suddenly felt certain that Hei Xiazi was admiring him right along with Zhang Qiling.

And last, and suddenly not as least as Wu Xie had expected, came the white suit; a counterpart to the black one essentially, and mirroring Zhang Qiling’s minimalistic taste. And this one didn’t even have a shirt at all.

Pangzi wolf-whistled teasingly when Wu Xie emerged again; joining in on the fun, but Wu Xie hardly heard the tease as his shining eyes found Zhang Qiling’s bashfully at first. The initial urge to look away in flustered abashment flew out the window as the magnetism of Zhang Qiling’s gaze held him as it had once on a mountain top; and once as they’d shared an intimate moment in a shower, uncertainty vanishing for an enamored moment as those eyes captivated him.

Only the realization that he’d forgotten to breathe and the necessity of doing so finally broke that brief spell and Wu Xie ducked his head feeling flushed for a reason that was less embarrassment and something more like that excitement of being admired and found desirable by someone he’d come to love and admire from almost day one.  

He was not used to feeling beautiful … and he realized he might just enjoy feeling like that again.

Not everything that Zhang Qiling had offered to him made it onto the ‘to keep’ pile. But at least a few things did. 

Chapter Text

 Wu Xie topped the last few steps of the retractable staircase, his head poking past the last barrier so that he could see the carefully decorated space that was Zhang Qiling’s attic hideaway.

“Xiǎogē? Are you up here?” Wu Xie asked, even as his eyes fell on the object of his brief search.

Zhang Qiling was standing on the side opposite the lounge area, and as far as Wu Xie could tell, that was pretty much all he was doing; standing, his fingers brushing an empty shelf absently, and otherwise lost in thought.

Wu Xie was struck by the picture he made with the late afternoon sun shining through and surrounding his silhouette with a golden halo. He looked so different, dressed as he was in a collard white shirt and dark pants. The top few buttons of the shirt were loose, a bit of the undershirt showing through. That combined with the sleeves rolled neatly to bare his forearms and the fact that he wore no shoes eased a little of the harsh change to the considerably more reserved style; but Wu Xie doubted that even the formerly more typical casual dress could have lessened the strange gravitas that the man embodied.

The closest thing that Wu Xie could equate it to was that moment when the man had appeared on the mountain top; facing down a troop of mercenaries and their guns without a flicker of an eyelash.

Or perhaps it was more similar to the feel that Wu Xie had gotten when Zhang Qiling had been activated in the Seven Star Palace tomb.

He was weighed down with the weight of life experience, Wu Xie knew; and Wu Xie could feel it in that special way which had begun … well maybe even from the moment they met. He’d known and been drawn to the man from that very instant; and though he’d interpreted it as mere intense curiosity, he realized it might very well have been that strange sense of the man from the start that had drawn him.

Wu Xie realized that he was just standing in place and staring dumbly.

He’d forgotten to breathe again, and his lungs and brain worked together to kickstart conscious function again.

“Are you doing, okay?” Wu Xie asked quietly.

With his back to the streaming sun, Zhang Qiling’s eyes looked darker than usual as they raised to Wu Xie’s face; turned to dark pools that held all the mystery of the man in their depths.

Vaguely Wu Xie wondered if he might be able to decipher the secrets of the man if he stared long enough.

The thought made Wu Xie chuckle out loud at his own silliness, then promptly blink and feel embarrassed.

Zhang Qiling’s lips softened into a gentle curve, the effect easing the stark seriousness that had been there an instant before.

“Wǒ méishì,” Zhang Qiling murmured in answer to the question as Wu Xie recovered his composure.

Wu Xie took a step closer, his momentary humor and chagrin fading back to quietly concerned.

“You don’t have to be, you know?” he ventured uncertainly. “No one would blame you if you weren’t. I mean, you went through hell; and remembering it … I’d imagine it’s almost like experiencing it all over again in some ways.”

Zhang Qiling’s eyelids lowered momently, his gaze falling away from Wu Xie’s as a little furrow decorated the space between the man’s eyebrows.

“Is it like that?” Wu Xie asked, sympathy tinging his voice. “Like reexperiencing it?”

Wu Xie watched a shadow of pain cross the man’s features and his heart panged in response. He opened his mouth to immediately recall the question; but before he could Zhang Qiling answered.

“Sometimes …”

The tonal difference between the first proclamation that he was fine and that singular word was as starkly different as the man’s newly (re)discovered dress sense.

Wu Xie was only barely able to catch the low whisper; but he didn’t need to hear the word to read the haunted-ness in the tone, and on Zhang Qiling’s face as it flickered there as quickly as that shadow. It was still in his eyes though and Wu Xie felt tears sting his own.

Zhang Qiling chuckled softly then, drawing a breath and switching headspaces with an effort as he reached out to catch a teardrop that was trembling in the corner of Wu Xie’s eye.

“Shall I change the words to I will be fine?” he questioned, his tone back to quiet even if the first few started out unsteady.

Wu Xie reached up and caught the man’s hand in both of his, claiming it. “Yes, you will be!” he said with sudden fervency and all the determination and passion available to his youthful soul. “But until then let me be there for the times when you aren’t. I’m afraid I don’t have any advice or wise words to offer; but I at least have a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on.”

The unsteady smile that faltered its way onto Zhang Qiling’s face didn’t exactly lessen the pain in his eyes as he raised his eyes and let Wu Xie see it instead of lowering his eyelids to hide it. “I need time …” he said, the words strained again with the effort of keeping the cracks in it from shattering altogether. “To sort everything … to process. I think if I open the door to let someone else in … I won’t be able to shut it again. And I don’t know what will happen then …”

This time it was the self-deprecating chuckle that cracked and Wu Xie watched a little tremor go through Zhang Qiling’s body; feeling the man’s fingers in his grip hard enough to almost make Wu Xie wince.

Zhang Qiling closed his eyes as he worked to get the unsteadiness of his breath under control; and Wu Xie wondered how close that ‘door’ was to busting open on its own whether Zhang Qiling wanted it to or not. Wu Xie could not fathom the sort of mental and emotional strength that it would take to keep everything under control like that; especially considering the sheer scope of that everything.

Gradually Zhang Qiling’s brow smoothed and the tension seeped out of him almost visibly as Zhang Qiling tamped everything down and wrestled the proverbial door back shut.

Zhang Qiling opened his eyes and he offered Wu Xie his little “I’m fine” smile; but this time Wu Xie’s mind filled in the amendment that Zhang Qiling had made. He wondered how long it would be before that smile or the words “I’m fine” would no longer be a substitute for the real admission … that he wasn’t fine; but he would be.

“Do you want me to let you be alone?” Wu Xie asked, trying to keep a quaver of his much less obedient emotions out of his voice. “I know you came up here for a reason, so I can go if you would rather that.”

Wu Xie felt Zhang Qiling’s fingers tighten in his hand again and he knew what Zhang Qiling’s answer would be before the man shook his head.

Wu Xie drew a steadying breath of his own; letting it out in a much less controlled whoosh. “Okay then,” Wu Xie said as he deliberately lightened his tone. “Do you want to watch a movie? We have the DVD player hooked up to the projector up here so it will be like watching on the big screen.”

The softening curve appeared on Zhang Qiling’s lips as he recognized Wu Xie’s efforts to distract him now that it was clear that he wasn’t ready to talk or dwell on … other things … just yet. He intertwined his fingers with one of Wu Xie’s hands as he murmured his emphatically affirmative “Mmm.”   

Chapter Text

There was a saying about when a door shuts, fate or the powers that be or what/whomever was behind the function of existence would open a window.

Perhaps the context of the saying was intended mean something very different than this particular case; but on this night while the door that Zhang Qiling feared to open was firmly shut, a window opened …

The light of the projector where it shone on the slanted wall of the attic ceiling had gone blue a while ago; the DVD logo slowly traveling from one side to the other as it bounced across the screen. That same light fell upon the two sleeping figures resting in its soft glow; not strong or harsh enough to disturb the pair.

Wu Xie shifted in his sleep, mumbling some half-formed words before stilling again with a sigh; some inane dream drifting across his consciousness.

A very different sort of dream was playing out for the other sleeper; Zhang Qiling’s expression flickering through various troubled expressions, that little furrow appearing and disappearing between his eyes.

Perhaps most notably, had someone been awake to witness it, was how still and quiet he was. There was no panicked escalation of breath, there were no soft cries, no cringing into the luxurious blankets and piled pillows…

His body’s response to whatever was going on behind the scenes was much different from most of his more typically volatile reactions.

There was no real explanation then for why Wu Xie suddenly bolted straight up into a seated position; gasping his way awake in a brief panic as he was seized with one singular focus … that something was wrong with Zhang Qiling. The certainty was so strong that Wu Xie wouldn’t have been surprised to find that Zhang Qiling had called out to him; but there was no sound even now as Zhang Qiling’s body began to tremble softly, tears beginning to seep from beneath closed eyelashes.

“Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie called the man’s name quietly; moving his hand to the man’s shoulder. “Xiǎogē, are you having a nightmare?” he shook the man gently.

Zhang Qiling’s hand moved to the contact point, laying over Wu Xie’s and then scooping the younger man’s fingers into his hand and holding on tightly as the tears kept coming.

The shaking, Wu Xie realized, was caused by silent sobs as they wracked Zhang Qiling’s body while he made not a single sound.

Wu Xie had seen him cry like this once before after some horrid dream had climbed out of his subconscious to torment him; after which the man had then decided to hug him in a shower and vent what had happened in a similar fashion.  

“Did you have a bad dream?” he guessed quietly.

Zhang Qiling didn’t respond and Wu Xie gently began to rub and pat his arm in what he hoped was at least a semi soothing fashion.

Or a bad memory, Wu Xie’s mind filled in. With Zhang Qiling sometimes those two things could be very much one and the same. What nightmare could ever be worse than the nightmare that Zhang Qiling had lived?

Zhang Qiling was so quiet that Wu Xie didn’t immediately realize when the increasing vehemence of the sobs had reached the point of hyperventilation as Zhang Qiling’s body tried to cope with the onslaught a tad unsuccessfully, as tears continued to poor from the dark windows of his soul.

Zhang Qiling was still silent as he pushed himself up on the blankets and Wu Xie carefully braced him to help him to a seated position. He gripped onto Wu Xie’s shirt front, trying to find the breath to form a word; he grimaced, his expression contorting with effort as he forced his eyes open and to Wu Xie’s.

His mouth opened, but nothing came out as he just willed that Wu Xie would get the idea.

“Do you want me to get Xiazi?” Wu Xie questioned.

Zhang Qiling would have sighed with relief if his body had cooperated enough to let him; instead, he nodded, the relief registering on his face briefly before grimaces took over again as hyperventilating breaths blended with the now nearly convulsive-strength sobs still shaking him as his body tried to vent at least some of its response to the boatload of trauma it was trying to process.

“Okay, I’ll be right back just hold on,” Wu Xie said earnestly as he scrambled to his feet and made a beeline for the stairs; almost falling down them in his haste.   

Wu Xie arrived at Hei Xiazi’s door out of breath and immediately began knocking. “Xiazi? Xiazi wake up, Xiǎogē needs you!” he called through the barrier.

There was no response from the other-side, so Wu Xie went for plan b; pushing the door open and stepping into the darkened room.

He could hear Hei Xiazi snoring loudly from the bed across the room and Wu Xie started towards the man, his eyes only barely adjusting to the difference in lighting from the hallway. His toe stubbed something and an empty glass bottle toppled and rolled across the floor.

“Ugh, why were you drinking?” Wu Xie muttered to the air, flustered and concerned now in case he might not actually be able to rouse the man. “Xiazi…” Wu Xie said; reaching out to put his hand on Hei Xiazi’s shoulder as he’d done to Zhang Qiling.

Hei Xiazi’s reaction was very different.

One minute the man was dead to the world, and the next instant he was moving.

Wu Xie had time for about half a yelp before he was being flipped over onto his back and crashing into the floor with Hei Xiazi crouching over him; one hand fisting into his shirt front, and a forearm threatening to crush his trachea.

For one terrifying moment Wu Xie stared up at what he was almost certain would be his demise; Hei Xiazi’s features swathed in the shadows of the room, only two pale greenish-white glowing pupil-less orbs where Wu Xie imagined the man’s eyes should be.

“Wu Xie?” Hei Xiazi’s voice filled Wu Xie with a flood of relief first as he tried to draw in a breath around the force constricting his throat. “What the fuck, kid? You should know better than to sneak up on someone.” Hei Xiazi shifted back, releasing Wu Xie and Wu Xie gulped in a couple of breaths.

By the time Wu Xie had sufficiently recovered to form irritated sentences; Hei Xiazi had turned and retrieved his glasses before flipping on the light of the room.

“I wasn’t sneaking up on you,” Wu Xie retorted, rubbing his throat as he pushed himself up to his feet; partly glaring at the man who’d frightened him half to death and come probably more than half close to killing him just now. “I knocked and called your name three times!”

Hei Xiazi grimaced, shoving unruly hair out of his face as he looked at the young man; briefly shaken himself at how close he’d come to …

“Fuck … I’m sorry. I must’ve been out of it …” he cast a slightly rueful look at the collection of cans and bottles scattered around the floor near the bed. But as the haze of sleep and booze began to part, he blinked to Wu Xie again; registering the oddity that the man was even in his room to begin with.

“Is something wrong with Yaba?” he asked immediately as that seemed to be the only plausible explanation.

“He’s having a hard time and wanted me to come get you,” Wu Xie said; still annoyed though the sentiment was quickly melting back into worry. “He was having trouble breathing …” he concluded.

“Fuck …” Hei Xiazi grunted; already stepping around Wu Xie and heading towards the door, heedless of his shirtless barefoot state.

Wu Xie followed though part of him wondered if he should give Hei Xiazi and Zhang Qiling their privacy; but for now he followed anyway, back down to the ground floor and out across the back courtyard to the gatehouse.

Zhang Qiling was where Wu Xie had left him; seated mostly upright, but with one hand bracing on the floor in order to remain so. Some of the violence of the sobs had abated a little; but the rise and fall of his chest was still too rapid and it was an effort to push through the blurring vision and the tempting invitation of unconsciousness, and instead try to work through his body’s reaction and fight to reclaim a more natural breathing cadence.

Even as he dimly registered the sounds of feet on the stairs, his half-closed eyes tried to roll back; his head bobbing forward as he fought with gravity and his own body.

“Yaba…” Hei Xiazi’s murmur was pained as he moved to kneel next to the wavering man.

Zhang Qiling raised his eyes to Hei Xiazi’s face; feeling something begin to ease somewhere in his broken psyche.

Zhang Qiling stopped fighting gravity, sagging against Hei Xiazi as renewed shudders moved through his body; even as the panic driven by that broken part began to release some of its hold.

“I’m here, Yaba,” Hei Xiazi murmured, his voice tight as he encircled the trembling frame with his arms. “I’m right here …”

“Don’t leave me Xia …” Zhang Qiling’s words were a breathless whisper gasped against the other man’s chest as his vision tried to flicker. “Please …” he almost begged the word.

Moisture stung Hei Xiazi’s eyes as he tightened his hold; the guilt of an abandonment that no doubt played a part in the barely conscious words twisting like a knife in his chest. “Never …” he promised hoarsely. “I won’t leave, never again …”

Chapter Text

It was almost all that Zhang Qiling could do just to get enough oxygen into his lungs for a while as his body took revenge for the quite literal decades of trauma that had been rather forcefully brought to the surface.

Was it revenge?

It felt like revenge.

At the very least it was certainly exceedingly unpleasant.

Dark spots continued to dance in his vision, so he closed his eyes. His heart was thundering in his ears; but just beyond that was the far fainter sound where his head rested against Hei Xiazi who was keeping him from drooping all the way back to the floor.

He zeroed in, trying to let his awareness become consumed with that soft thudding of Hei Xiazi’s heart and the rise and fall of his chest.

It was another of the familiar things that seemed an anchor point to reality.

Sllloowwwlyy… it seemed oh so painstakingly slowly … he began to get his breathing to match the cadence of Hei Xiazi’s. And then, more slowly still, his heartrate followed suit; his body beginning to ease as he reinforced the physiological signals that it was safe.

For several more long minutes, Zhang Qiling remained where he was; just trying to recover enough to muster the strength to regain motor function.

“Are you okay?” Hei Xiazi questioned gently, not particularly expecting an answer yet.

The burr of his voice sounded rich and warm beneath where Zhang Qiling’s ear was still pressed against the man’s chest.

“You were so quiet … It reminds me of how quiet you were towards the end; not bothering to make a sound anymore no matter what you were going through,” Hei Xiazi’s voice was soft with reminiscence. “Wu Xie was right, your reactions to things are different. They’re more like I remember … and for the life of me I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing.”

This was a familiar thing too … Hei Xiazi just letting him listen to the sound of his voice without any pressure to respond in return.

With an effort, Zhang Qiling gathered himself; firmly resisting the desire to continue to cling, even if he no longer needed the closeness in order to regulate. Gradually he eased back from leaning against Hei Xiazi’s supportive strength, settling back onto his heels; then finally uncurling his cramping fingers from the man’s shirt.

Hei Xiazi fell silent, just watching for a moment; trying to gauge what was going on behind the remarkably unrevealing features.

Zhang Qiling let his hand settle to his lap, his fingers curling tightly against the muscle of his slack-covered thigh; aching to reconnect with Hei Xiazi again, but he suppressed the urge. Instead, he focused in on regaining sufficient control of himself so that he could form words.

Finally, his gaze faltered up to Hei Xiazi’s once before sliding away as he murmured a breathy, “Duìbùqǐ.”

“Why do you keep apologizing to me, Yaba?” Hei Xiazi questioned, frowning. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

Zhang Qing grimaced slightly, taking a moment to sort through the words. “I didn’t want to do this …”

“Do what?” Hei Xiazi questioned, still confused and feeling not just a little vulnerable and uneasy.

“I didn’t want to put you back into a position where you felt you had to carry the burden of taking care of me,” Zhang Qiling answered softly.

“Don’t be silly,” Hei Xiazi said with an attempted chuckle; trying to infuse some of his incorrigible humor into the moment though it seemed to fall flat. “You’re not a burden to me, Yaba. I swear, you’re not.”

Zhang Qiling raised his eyes back to Hei Xiazi’s again, his eyes were shadowed with pain; but for the moment he couldn’t achieve blankness and stoicism. “I can see that it’s hard on you,” he said now. “I didn’t understand why you pushed me away before, up in the mountains. But I understand now.”

Hei Xiazi blinked. It was so easy to forget that the man in front of him now was also the one who had so innocently kissed him and reached out to him on that trip turned Wu Xie rescue mission.

The eyes of Zhang Qiling then and Zhang Qiling now were very different; the one hurt by Hei Xiazi’s withdraw but not understanding why. And this one … this one seeing and understanding everything in a way that made Hei Xiazi feel laid bare.

“I didn’t mean … I don’t … you’re not …” Hei Xiazi stammered his way through a few half-formed protesting excuses; but each died before becoming a complete thought beneath that gaze that saw through every barrier he could raise.

Guilt twisted like a knife; self-castigating thoughts rising as Hei Xiazi felt an all too familiar bitter horror. How could he feel or think such things about Zhang Qiling? What sort of monster must he be to look at this man who had saved his life a hundred times over and feel burdened and even resentful at the thought of stepping into this pain alongside him again. Zhang Qiling had suffered another decade of hell precisely because he’d put it all on the line to get them out; and still Hei Xiazi had pulled away when Zhang Qiling had finally reached out to him.

“Xia …” Zhang Qiling breathed the name gently; reading everything on Hei Xiazi’s face. Reaching out, Zhang Qiling cupped Hei Xiazi’s face with both hands, trying to force those rapidly shifting eyes to look at him instead of seeking some way to explain or apologize or avoid.

“Xia, I don’t blame you; so please don’t blame yourself,” Zhang Qiling said, resting his forehead against Hei Xiazi’s and watching the faint paleness behind the tinted glass barrier shift to meet his own dark eyes.  “You’re hurting too. You need to heal too. It’s not your fault and you’re not whatever it is you’re probably calling yourself right now just because things are too much and you need time to process without having to also look out for me like you did back then all over again.”     

 Zhang Qiling closed his eyes, still lingering close as he willed Hei Xiazi to actually believe the words instead of wallowing in the guilt that the man had struggled with since long before Golmud had added it’s own unique blend of torment to the mix.

“You deserve to be free of that place too,” Zhang Qiling whispered finally. Forcing himself to shift back and push himself up to his feet, Zhang Qiling turned to head down the stairs from the attic; leaving Hei Xiazi staring dumbly after him.

Chapter Text

The clock read quarter past 3 in the morning, and once again Wu Xie found himself contemplating his empty tea mug and trying to decide between getting a refill or going to bed.

He’d bowed out of the attic space after a little while, leaving Zhang Qiling in Hei Xiazi’s capable hands; but still, Wu Xie didn’t quite feel okay with the idea of just going to bed while Zhang Qiling might still be having a hard time.

Sure … the likelihood of the man needing him when he had Hei Xiazi was slim. But, Wu Xie still couldn’t quite get himself to move from his seat at the counter as he frowned concernedly into his mug.

There was no sound to indicate that he was no longer alone, but suddenly Wu Xie knew he was not and the next moment warm arms were encircling him from behind; drawing him back against an equally warm torso as Zhang Qiling himself hugged him from behind.

Wu Xie felt butterflies flutter in his belly as his heart thrilled immediately. He looked up, tilting his head back so he could see the handsome features of the man who was looking down at him.

“Are you feeling better, Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie asked hopefully.

“I’m fine,” Zhang Qiling murmured gently.

Wu Xie’s mind filled in the conditional amendment … Zhang Qiling was telling him he would be fine; not so much that he really was right now. Wu Xie nodded his understanding.

Zhang Qiling brushed his fingers along one of Wu Xie’s cheekbones, then he cupped Wu Xie’s cheek with a warm palm before bending and kissing him.

Wu Xie could feel a sweet strain of tenderness in the kiss, but there was that heavy sadness too that made Wu Xie’s eyes sting with moisture.

Zhang Qiling leaned back eventually, still looking down into those big brown innocent eyes as he smoothed the pad of his thumb along Wu Xie’s cheekbone again.

“Do you want some tea?” Wu Xie offered, trying to still the thunderous butterflies enough to form a coherent thought. “We have chamomile. Then maybe you can get more sleep after.”

Zhang Qiling nodded his acceptance then moved to take a seat next to Wu Xie’s place as the younger man moved to retrieve another mug and heat up more water.

“Did I frighten you earlier?” Zhang Qiling questioned softly; alternating between studying his folded hands where the rested on the counter top and watching Wu Xie.

“I was only worried for you,” Wu Xie said honestly. “Your reaction was different this time.”

Zhang Qiling nodded, studying his fingers with a little contemplative furrow between his brows. “Xia said something similar. It was more like I used to react back when we were together at Golmud.”

“Do you remember what you dreamed about?” Wu Xie asked hesitatingly as he spooned dried chamomile tea into a mesh strainer.

Zhang Qiling didn’t answer immediately, hesitating as well; but it was only for a second before he said “It was a lot of things, I think. It’s hard to separate anything in particular.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Wu Xie said. “You probably have a whole lot of stuff you’re processing right now.”

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling agreed.

“Do you think that shopping and stuff yesterday helped at all?” Wu Xie asked.

Zhang Qiling considered a little, the furrow appearing again.

“Yes … and no …” Zhang Qiling said; a rueful look accompanying the contradiction.

“How so?” Wu Xie asked.

Zhang Qiling was quiet for a while, and Wu Xie didn’t try to fill the silence as he continued the tea preparations; stealing little glances towards Zhang Qiling’s face periodically.

“It doesn’t feel real yet …”

Zhang Qiling spoke finally, his voice low and his eyes shadowed.

“What doesn’t?” Wu Xie asked.

“That I’m out of that place …” Zhang Qiling admitted. “That I’m free of Golmud, or whatever the place I was taken to after was called.” Zhang Qiling drew a deep, slightly unsteady breath. “I feel like it has to be an hallucination. Or maybe its just a very good dream that I’m going to wake up from any minute.”

Zhang Qiling grimaced at his hands, slowly curling and uncurling his fingers; focusing on the tangible to make sure he stayed grounded.

“Shopping and activities don’t help that feeling?” Wu Xie asked.

“It helped distract me from expecting to wake up every moment,” Zhang Qiling said.

“Well, I guess that’s something,” Wu Xie said with a little bit of a wince at the idea of having to wrangle with such a concept constantly. “Have you been feeling like it’s not real this whole time otherwise?”

“Sometimes I start to think it might be real,” Zhang Qiling said. “But it doesn’t last long … It’s hard to trust it …” Zhang Qiling grimaced apologetically.

Wu Xie chewed on his lower lip, pushing back the prompt of sympathetic tears. It was horrible … but it also wasn’t about what he was feeling in this moment; and he thought that Zhang Qiling might start trying to comfort him instead of sharing if he cried.

“What … what helps you feel the most real?” Wu Xie asked next, removing the kettle from the burner just as it began to whistle and proclaim it was at the right temperature.

“When I’m with Xiazi …” Zhang Qiling said the words with a hint of a sigh.

“Wouldn’t being around him make it feel more like you were back there?” Wu Xie asked.

Zhang Qiling shook his head as a nostalgic and almost fond smile tugged at one corner of his lips. “He’s like … the tie between both realities.” He huffed softly, vaguely bemused at the sappiness of the sentiment. “I remember him from there, and from here … waking up after Tamutuo.”

Wu Xie pursed his lips, considering that for a moment before venturing another question as he poured steaming water into Zhang Qiling’s mug and his own.

“Does physical closeness still help?” Wu Xie asked next. “I know it did before on that night you had the bad reaction.”

Zhang Qiling’s lips curved more then, a bit of a mischievous light touching his eyes that made Wu Xie’s butterflies return with a vengeance.

“I’m not sure where my limits lie with those sorts of things at the moment,” Zhang Qiling admitted. “But physical things do seem to help me ground more most of the time.”

“Like when you kissed me yesterday?” Wu Xie questioned as he ducked his head a little.

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling said, more amusement quirking his lips.

“You thanked me for helping you feel real …” Wu Xie considered. “I didn’t realize then that you were having trouble feeling that any of this was real.”

Zhang Qiling nodded; acknowledging the connection between their conversation now and that statement before.

“Besides the kissing stuff,” Wu Xie said; trying not to blush as he set Zhang Qiling’s mug in front of him and slid into his own seat. “Do I help at all with the not real feeling?”

Zhang Qiling’s eyes dropped to his tea for a long moment; the ruefulness and a hint of shadow was back. “In some ways … you seem the least real of everything …” he admitted, his voice quiet again.

Wu Xie blinked a couple of times at that. “Why?” he asked finally; his own voice going quiet too.

“Because you’re you …” Zhang Qiling practically whispered. “You’re so far removed from the darkness … too good … too wonderful for it to seem possible that you could exist in the same universe as that place. You’re the best part of this good dream …”

There was no way to help blushing at that, and Wu Xie felt inordinately pleased at the same time that he was hoping not to somehow be a source of more difficulty for the man.

“In the same way that you seem the least real though, you are one of the strongest reasons for me to fight to believe that this is not just a dream,” Zhang Qiling said more firmly as he looked sideways at Wu Xie’s blushing face. “And if it is just a dream … you’re the main reason I will try my hardest not to ever wake up …”  

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling lay quietly, feeling the pull of the sunlight streaming through the blinds covering the large windows of his room. Still, he lingered, his eyes on Wu Xie’s face; a gentleness in his eyes as he read the innocence there. It was like a magnet attracting him, a soothing balm for a world-weary soul.

The desire to protect that innocence came like a powerful surge flooding through him; a vibrant, visceral emotion that throbbed in his chest and sent heat rushing through his veins.

It felt solid.

It felt real.

For this moment at least the wondering thoughts were quiet.

Easing up onto an elbow, Zhang Qiling leaned in to just lightly brush his lips to Wu Xie’s softly pouting ones. Then he eased back and slipped out of the bed, his movements unintentionally silent as he dressed in a familiar set of dark jeans, a t-shirt and a dark blue hoodie; forgoing the fancy new things for the time being.

The cool fall air washed over him as he stepped out onto the patio/private courtyard onto which his and Wu Xie’s rooms opened.

Zhang Qiling closed his eyes as he slid the door shut; pulling in a deep breath, feeling the freshness filling his lungs, feeling the blend of cool air and warm sunlight on his skin.

He could remember a time when he would have retreated from feeling into the sensations of his body; preferring to dissociate from them. But now he deliberately focused on his senses, letting each one heighten and sharpen until his entire body seemed to thrum with the input; letting himself become aware of every detail of his physicality first and then everything else existing outside the bounds of it.

The feel of it was exhilarating … like he was connected to a greater whole; his body channeling the ebb and flow of the universe itself. But it also felt deeply vulnerable … like he was wide open and exposed, with nothing between him and anyone who might want to hurt him as he’d been hurt so many times before that he’d lost count.

Zhang Qiling opened his eyes and took a moment to tug his hood up and into place; but he didn’t let go of the openness regardless of the niggling sense of unease lurking in the dark and broken places of his mind.

With every fiber of his being primed and engaged, Zhang Qiling moved; making a beeline for the nearest wall, his eyes picking out his path without him hardly having to think. His body responded to instincts prompting a tad slowly as he reconnected to it, but he zeroed in letting muscle memory reassert itself as he jumped and reached; latching onto a protruding edge of rafter, then pulling himself up onto the sloping hipped roof of the structure dissecting the private courtyard from the one outside of the main portion of the house.  

It was more than reasserting memory presenting an obstacle, and Zhang Qiling took note of the shortcomings in his body and the lack of the unfaltering strength he’d half-expected to be there.

Perching on the edge of roof, Zhang Qiling let his breathing settle as some more memories sorted themselves out from the tangled jumble.

                A beautiful day on a forested hillside.

                They were walking … hiking?

                Wu Xie and Pangzi and Xiazi all together with him.

                He was tired but it didn’t matter, because they were together.

Zhang Qiling rapid blinked a few times, processing. The memory felt distant, but the weakness from it was present in his body now; so maybe it had happened not as long ago as it felt.

But the important thing was that it had happened right? His own body was confirming and reaffirming even as it remembered; or at least it certainly seemed that way.

The real question was why had he expected strength at all? He’d certainly been rather short on anything resembling physical strength for most of his remembered time at Golmud. And his only other conscious memories seemed to be of a time when he’d also been physically weak.

But, he had enough to do sorting out the things he had remembered to linger too long on wondering about those he did not.

Drawing another slow and deep breath, Zhang Qiling steadied himself then straightened; his stance adjusting to the slant of the roof.

He started moving again; taking his time as he zeroed in on each and every minute detail as they registered in his physiology. From the low roof, he hoisted himself up onto the taller structure of the garden gatehouse as if he were going to his attic room; but instead of taking the detour, he kept to the rooftops.

Following the dips and peaks he just focused on the act of moving and refamiliarizing himself with his body as he explored the differing levels and sorts of roofing; marking the various structures that made up the traditional siheyuan.

There was a larger gatehouse denoting the dividing line between the main house’s courtyard and the courtyard that housed Wushanju’s shop, and as Zhang Qiling crested the ridge pole he turned slowly; able to glimpse a little bit of every portion of the complex now from that singular vantage point.

Wang Meng was down in the shop courtyard, carefully overseeing a group of suited persons as they went in and out of the long building occupying the opposite side of the courtyard from the shop proper as they carried things out.

“No don’t put that there! Put it over there with the others. I swear you guys have no sense of organization!” Wang Meng looked about ready to pull out his hair as artifacts and old furniture alike were transported past him.  

The siheyuan was getting ready for its first live-in staff aka body guard crew for the first time in decades; making it necessary to reclaim what had once been a barracks sort of building from its more recent use as extra storage.

Zhang Qiling was reminded of his urge to protect again.

Other mental images seemed to bubble to the surface of the veritable stew of constantly ruminating thoughts simmering on the back burner of his mind.

He was standing in the house that was like a garden … the place where he’d decided to go to Golmud and reclaim his memories.

                Hei Xiazi was there, moving closer …

                There was an injury on his body; he’d been shot.

Zhang Qiling grimaced as his gaze flicked to the two-story addition above the private courtyard where he knew Hei Xiazi slept. He knew that the memory was true because he’d seen a much more healed rendition of that wound marring Hei Xiazi’s skin.

People had attacked Hei Xiazi. People were endangering Wu Xie and Pangzi and Xiazi…  

An awareness stirred, drawing Zhang Qiling’s attention as someone moved in the main courtyard; exiting the side building – the in-law quarters Wu Xie had called it.

There was a flash of color like burnished copper catching the morning sunlight as someone stepped outside, then almost immediately looked up directly at him.

Liu Sang

His mind offered up the name.

Hei Xiazi had rescued Liu Sang from the people who had done the attacking. He’s been at the garden house too, and unlike Hei Xiazi’s far more mended injury; Liu Sang’s face still sported dark bruising.

Liu Sang squinted up at Zhang Qiling, taking the man’s overt study as an invitation to come closer; and he left the covered walkway outside the door, stepping across the courtyard to the large gatehouse.

“Ǒuxiàng?” Liu Sang questioned, trying to interpret the quiet scrutiny on the man’s features. “I … I heard you from inside,” he explained slowly. “In case you forgot about my ears… You sound different again so I’m guessing that something came of that trip you and the others went on, so I’m not exactly sure what you remember or not.”

“I remember you,” Zhang Qiling said quietly.

Liu Sang blinked, a smile suddenly trying to emerge onto his face; and he had to work to claim a more neutral expression.

“What do you mean that I sound different?” Zhang Qiling asked.

“Um …” Liu Sang was suddenly glad that his hair was down and loose just in case his ears tried to give something away. “When I first met you your heartbeat and breathing was super measured and precise,” he began. “When we met at Xie Yuchen’s this last time it wasn’t like that anymore. Now its sort of like how it was at first again but a little different.”

“Different how?” Zhang Qiling asked curiously.

“It’s mostly steady,” Liu Sang said. “But it spikes every now and then like you’re having trouble regulating it sometimes. …Kind of like last night, err earlier this morning.” Liu Sang winced a little as he admitted to hearing what had transpired in the wee hours. “Your gatehouse attic is less insulated than the main house,” he said with a touch of apology in the tone.  

Zhang Qiling was silent as he considered the new information, lining it up with other information from those dimmer memories that seemed to keep getting confirmed more and more.

Liu Sang shifted a little in the pause then filled the silence with a question of his own. “What do you remember about me exactly? We met a couple times, and I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

Zhang Qiling refocused from his inward thought sorting for a moment. “Xie Yuchen’s house,” he said in answer to the question.

Liu Sang nodded. “So still no Tamutuo, check.”

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling acknowledged.

“But you did get back other memories?” Liu Sang asked.

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling confirmed again.

“About that Golmud place?” Liu Sang questioned.

Zhang Qiling nodded.

“I’m not sure if I should say congratulations or not,” Liu Sang admitted. “Based on this morning, I’d guess it’s a bit of a mixed bag.”

A small smile tugged at Zhang Qiling’s lips as he was struck a little by the rather refreshing way Liu Sang didn’t shy away from the topic like he was afraid to trigger something or poke something sensitive.

“But I guess if you’re up and around and your brain hasn’t turned to mush like Xiazi thought might happen, then that’s a plus at least,” Liu Sang observed.

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling agreed.

“I’m glad,” Liu Sang said. “That your brain isn’t mush I mean. And that you accomplished what you wanted even if it sort of sucks at the moment.”

Genuine humor stirred to accompany the smile and Zhang Qiling changed the subject. “You should come to breakfast later,” he matched Liu Sang’s directness with some of his own. “Eat with the rest of us.”

Liu Sang gave a bit of a start, thrown momentarily off balance by the invitation. But if his Ǒuxiàng was offering …

“Yeah, sure. That sounds like fun,” Liu Sang said; all of his annoyances and irritations and plans for avoiding the annoyance of housemates and enduring what felt a bit like house arrest with the 10^th family potentially after him melting away.

Zhang Qiling ducked his head fractionally, a hint the of the arch smile he’d shared with Wu Xie earlier that morning touching his lips and gleaming through the darkness of his eyes briefly. With one more glance for Liu Sang he made his exit; likely leaving someone staring after him for the second time that day.  

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Making his way back along the rooftops towards the private courtyard, Zhang Qiling made a beeline for the second story window with its narrow balcony; carefully navigating the shingled overhang, then straddling the balcony railing as he eyed the curtain shrouded space beyond the glass. There was no hint of life beyond which probably meant that Hei Xiazi was still sleeping; which also probably meant that the man would be grumpy and regretting his binge the night before.

He could work with grumpy.

Reaching out, Zhang Qiling rapped the knuckles of his two unique fingers against the glass.

A couple attempts later and Hei Xiazi appeared in all of his bleary glory, pushing the curtain aside as he shoved his glasses into place and yanked open the door.

“Yaba?” he eyed Zhang Qiling with a modicum of confusion. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Zhang Qiling said; blinking at Hei Xiazi innocently as if he had no idea why the man might find it strange to have him appear at his second story window.

“In that case have you heard of stairs?” Hei Xiazi questioned, still thrown off guard by the appearance and the hints of teasing in Zhang Qiling’s eyes.

Zhang Qiling just gave a glib shrug as his answer to the question.

“So …?” Hei Xiazi prompted. “Is there a reason for this impromptu visit or what?”

“We should workout,” Zhang Qiling said simply.

Hei Xiazi blinked at him. “Right now?”

Zhang Qiling nodded.

“I thought you needed a break from hanging out or something,” Hei Xiazi said. “At least that’s what I thought we talked about last night …” he shot a glance towards the clock on his bedside table and amended. “Earlier this morning.”

It was Zhang Qiling’s turn to be caught slightly off guard then. “Xia, I meant that I didn’t want to be overly reliant on you; or make you take the role of primary caregiver again. Not that I didn’t want to spend time with you.”

Hei Xiazi considered that for a moment with a hint of guarded gruffness in evidence.

“So, what do you say?” Zhang Qiling pressed; keeping his tone light. “Do you want to work out with me?”

Hei Xiazi gave a soft snort. “Well now that you’ve gotten me up I might as well.”

A grin flashed across Zhang Qiling’s features so fast that Hei Xiazi nearly missed it with blinking.

“I’ll meet you on the green in the garden,” Zhang Qiling said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Hei Xiazi shooed him and disappeared back inside to get dressed.

Smiling slightly to himself, Zhang Qiling eased his leg back over the railing; settling to the overhang again and making his way in the direction of the garden gatehouse.

He strolled back along the rooftops, meandering this time as he followed the more central line of structures along the wall separating the main and private courtyards, past the garden gatehouse, and then along the rooftops of the soon to be barracks themselves.

He could have gone unnoticed; but he rather deliberately didn’t try to be covert, causing a stir amongst the new guards turned temporary movers as they spotted him from below.

Wang Meng traced the comments and murmurs to their source; shielding his eyes as he squinted up at the blue-clad figure of his bosses’ still someone enigmatic and stand-offish guest. It had been quite a while since he’d seen the man traversing the rooftops like this; but it had been a thing prior to the string of unfortunate events that had rendered Zhang Qiling a bit more earth bound.

Zhang Qiling looked down at the various faces, zeroing in on the most familiar one; vaguely recalling some very limited interactions with the man while he tagged along with Wu Xie.

Wang Meng shifted a little, feeling a little uneasy. Zhang Qiling had hardly paid him much attention at all, even while spending the day in the shop; so, to have the man show overt interest in the goings on after so long was a bit unsettling. Not knowing what else to do, he raised a hand in a half wave.

Zhang Qiling offered a slight nod in the man’s direction as acknowledgement, which probably only confused Wang Meng more.

Hearing his name being passed around the courtyard and snippets of the why’s and hows of his being there (most of which were largely baseless rumors), Zhang Qiling turned away and continued along; using the walls and buildings as his highway to his desired destination where he finally stepped lightly from the wall and into the branches of the Babylon willow which he used to return to the ground at long last.

He felt good … Or at the very least more grounded. All of the little confirmations he’d gleaned through observation, and the perusal of his home to solidify it more firmly into his mind, as well as his mindfulness exercise of tapping firmly into his physicality’s experience of the world seemed to have done some good; even if it might only be a temporary alleviation of some of the things he’d admitted to Wu Xie in the wee hours of the morning.

Touch did ground him, as well as being physical in multiple senses of that word; and perhaps that was where the key to the fastest route to self-reliance lay.

Hei Xiazi sauntered across the koi pond bridge, his manner rather too casual and relaxed for it to be entirely genuine. But Zhang Qiling had been prepared for more walls and guardedness than this after the early morning events; so, he was content.

“Back on earth like a normal person I see,” Hei Xiazi commented; eyeing Zhang Qiling’s hoodie clad figure, rather enjoying seeing the man in the outfit that seemed to personify a less breakable version of the man. He was dressed for action; clearly applying himself to some purpose or another, which also felt like a reassuring Yaba thing. Yaba had always been at his best when he felt some sort of connection to a bigger goal beyond himself; and there was a vibe of that to the man now.

“You look a lot better than you were,” Hei Xiazi commented; tapping into a rare and more genuine place for a moment.

“I did a lot of thinking after …” Zhang Qiling explained; not bringing up the topic of the panic attack but not entirely omitting it either.

“What about sleeping?” Hei Xiazi checked.

Zhang Qiling’s lips twitched. “Sleep is overrated,” he quipped lightly.

“Now you sound like me,” Hei Xiazi countered.

A shadow flickered across Zhang Qiling’s eyes and was gone in the next blink.

Yes, there were other problems besides the lack of connection with reality that would need to be addressed; but Zhang Qiling was focusing on one thing at a time.

And, considering he was mere days from having the experience of Golmud dumped into his head; he thought he was doing rather well.

Zhang Qiling began to move towards the center of the open green space, indicating his desire for the workout to begin with the action and Hei Xiazi followed suit. Their approaches were as different as their respective personalities; Zhang Qiling’s movements open and almost graceful, his long straight limbs and tall slender frame making it hard to imagine that he wasn’t going to dance instead of fight. Meanwhile Hei Xiazi seemed to slink across the grass, his movements measured and adopting a more lethal sort of grace; danger inhabiting his aura as if he were a leopard stalking its prey.

Zhang Qiling felt an unexpected sort of thrill tingle through him. There was less reservation in his body than he’d expected. But then there were a number of things that were different than he kept expecting.

The version of him that still felt most aligned with Golmud kept expecting familiar trauma responses and reactions to appear.

But his body seemed separated from many of those reactions, the instincts he’d developed while imprisoned had already been undone … the fruits of a labor from a version of himself he didn’t remember … replaced by freer and less trauma rooted ones.

His mind was still stuck in the story of what had been done; only just beginning to process what it had not remembered for so long.

But in many ways his body was already free of some things; recalling the journey of releasing those trauma responses even if he could not consciously remember it.

A subtle smile began to play about Zhang Qiling’s lips, his dark eyes rediscovering a light of challenge which he directed towards Hei Xiazi now.

Hei Xiazi was caught by those eyes … that smile …

The juxtaposition between that panic attack that morning and this moment was stark.

He kept expecting Zhang Qiling to only be one or the other … outwardly okay and strong, or a trauma ridden mess. But he was a layered mix of both; the man’s long war against Golmud an ongoing thing still as Zhang Qiling fought to reclaim his rights to health and happiness.

Seeing that look on Zhang Qiling’s face now set a dangerous sort of hope blossoming in Hei Xiazi’s heart in spite of himself.

Perhaps he really had gone and underestimated the man again …

Hei Xiazi started slow, closing in and testing the proverbial waters with little feints and jabs; watching the process that Pangzi and Wu Xie had both noted a number of times as Zhang Qiling adjusted and reconnected with forgotten aspects that his body remembered.

Now it was moreso a matter of reconnecting with the dim memory of defending Wu Xie and Pangzi in some auction house/hotel place …

The Xin Yue Hotel

Zhang Qiling felt the memory surface passively. He’d already reconnected with his ability to fight then, now it was just a matter of having that remembrance sort itself out from the decades of scrambled mess and taking its rightful place in the gradually forming timeline that continued to reinforce the belief that maybe … just maybe … he could begin to trust that he really was free of the far more vividly remembered hell.

Zhang Qiling avoided a flashing fist, dancing past a sweeping leg; his body thrumming with an awareness of Hei Xiazi now, as his muscle memory recalled working out with the man in this fashion before.

When was a bit of a tricky question … but Zhang Qiling let the constant simmering processing fade out all together for a little; his brain turning off as he willingly lost himself in the physicality of the fight, shifting and adjusting rapid fire.

Meeting another attack with a block, Zhang Qiling hastily swiped away the sweat threatening to drip into his eyes; nearly missing the next jab as his body’s responses to his instinctive reflexes came more slowly.

“You need a break?” Hei Xiazi questioned picking up on the fading stamina.

“Not till you pin me,” Zhang Qiling said around a slightly breathless chuckle.

“Right then …” Hei Xiazi grunted; doubling down on his offensive.

A handful of minutes later, Zhang Qiling failed to avoid Hei Xiazi’s hooking one of his legs; and he went down with Hei Xiazi coming down on top of him and lightly pinning his shoulders with his palms.

“There,” Hei Xiazi said with a bit of a satisfied smirk.

A smile decorated Zhang Qiling face as his chest rose and fell with deep panting breaths and he chuckled softly again. “Fighting you is a lot different than fighting some hired mercenaries …” he observed.

“Well, it should be,” Hei Xiazi said. “I can’t be misrepresenting my teacher’s training now can I?”

A brief flicker of a furrow ghosted across Zhang Qiling’s features as he felt the tell tale feeling of a memory that should be there but wasn’t.

“Who … who was your teacher?” Zhang Qiling asked hesitantly.

Hei Xiazi blinked; sobering fractionally as he looked down into the handsome features. “You were, Yaba.”

Zhang Qiling considered that for a few seconds before letting the topic go with a sigh. “Well, now I’m out of shape. So, we’ll have to do more training together I think.”

“I don’t know, I think you still did pretty good for an old man,” Hei Xiazi smirked.

Zhang Qiling’s expression flashed to a quick grin again and he hooked his legs around Hei Xiazi’s hips twisting and maneuvering until they’d traded places with Hei Xiazi beneath him.

Hei Xiazi had to let Zhang Qiling pull the topping maneuver for such a feat to be accomplished. The disparity between their respective strengths was still rather marked, but he went willingly and without resistance; looking up at Zhang Qiling now as he was straddled.

“I need to do better,” Zhang Qiling said; studying Hei Xiazi’s face from above. “But that can wait …” Leaning over Hei Xiazi’s body so that his own blocked some of the sun and shadowed his former lover’s face, Zhang Qiling reached out and removed the dark shades so that he could see Hei Xiazi’s eyes unobstructed.

Hei Xiazi’s own breathing shifted fractionally, and not because he was out of breath; his pale eyes seized by Zhang Qiling’s dark ones.

Zhang Qiling leaned down more, dipping close enough for their breath to mingle between them; and there he lingered for a long moment.

“Yaba …” The name came out as a groan as a sudden and unexpected yearning crashed through the walls of his emotional resistance. Hei Xiazi’s hands moved before his brain could countermand the action, his fingers curling into Zhang Qiling’s hips as his breathing became unsteady with heat and stirring emotions.

Zhang Qiling pressed his lips to Hei Xiazi’s then, their mouths crashing together with a fervor as if it was their first kiss in decades. Zhang Qiling’s tongue pushed past Hei Xiazi’s defenses, tangling with the other man’s as he marked his claim of every inch of the responsive orifice; their heated breathing and Hei Xiazi’s soft sounds of longing the only sounds.

Zhang Qiling’s hips rolled slightly, the unconscious instinct responding to the fire igniting in his body and turning it into a raging furnace.

He expected his body to recoil.

He expected fear.

But, just as his dim memory of coming together with Wu Xie in the shower prior to going to Golmud, his body responded very very differently; craving the feeling of being anchored to the planet by these viscerally physical urges … seeking the grounding influence of having another’s body entangled with his his own.

He rolled his hips again; grinding against Hei Xiazi’s body as he cupped his lover’s jaw, holding him in place as his kiss intensified even more.

Hei Xiazi gasped and mewed against Zhang Qiling’s mouth, his fingers curling like hooks against the waistband of the man’s jeans where they clung to those narrow hipbones as they slowly ground into him; awakening heat and responses as fierce as the initial yearning had been. His fingertips ghosted over the skin there beneath the hoodie and t-shirt; feeling the silken smoothness and the tantalizing heat of the man’s body.

His own body was suddenly aching for those barriers between their skin to vanish; his fingers twitching with a mind of their own that was only halted by the vaguest stirrings of decency of caution.

It was a caution of his own that eventually made Zhang Qiling reluctantly cease his ravishment of Hei Xiazi’s mouth … amongst other things … his lips finally relinquishing Hei Xiazi’s as he panted and half-chuckled between even more panting. He touched his forehead to Hei Xiazi’s briefly before rolling off of the man’s body all together, flopping to the ground beside him and still laughing softly between gulping breath as the heat in his body took its time subsiding.

“Fffuuucckkk …” Hei Xiazi shuddered the words out between heavy breathing of his own; his mind taking a minute to return from that heady place where thought faded into raw primal instinct. He shifted his hips a little, very aware of the pressure against the constricting fabric of his jeans that was strong enough to be rather uncomfortable.

Zhang Qiling pressed his glasses into his hands and Hei Xiazi fumbled them into place so that the world was no longer a washed-out blur again, then he just lay there blinking up at the sky and recovering even as his libido let him know in no uncertain terms that he was raring to go a lot farther.

“That’s another thing I want to do better at …” Zhang Qiling breathed as his body slowly calmed.

“Do better at?!” Hei Xiazi sounded half strangled and still breathless. “Christ but if you were any better … well I don’t know what … but you’d probably be dangerous or something.”

Zhang Qiling snorted. “I wouldn’t need to be in shape then. I’d just overcome my enemies with my lethal sexual prowess.”

Hei Xiazi echoed Zhang Qiling’s snort with one of his own.

“But you know what I mean …” Zhang Qiling said, sobering fractionally.

Hei Xiazi’s head lolled to the side so he could see Zhang Qiling’s expression and those eyes studying the blue sky above them.  “Are you having any difficulty?” Hei Xiazi asked.

“I keep expecting to,” Zhang Qiling said.

“Which is understandable,” Hei Xiazi said.

“Its like … my body isn’t afraid of it anymore. But I remember it being afraid what feels like only days ago to me,” Zhang Qiling said. “The reactions are all wrong. Or maybe they’re right for the first time in a while and its just my mind that hasn’t caught up to that fact.”

Hei Xiazi didn’t attempt to fill in the contemplative silence as he just stayed still, watching Zhang Qiling’s expression.

“And even that’s not entirely true,” Zhang Qiling said. “I remember how my mind worked “days ago” too. But it responds differently then I expect it too as well. My habitual thought processes are different, and it feels sudden; but maybe its not, I just don’t remember.”

“You’ve been out of that place for 5 … probably closer to 6 years now, Yaba,” Hei Xiazi said.

Zhang Qiling considered that; quietly processing.

“And in the little bit of time that I knew you in those years, you were just as stubbornly trying to be okay and to heal as you are now,” Hei Xiazi said. “You have been working at that. Even if you don’t remember. And even it turns out that you still have trouble with some aspects of this sort of stuff; you’ve proven time and again that you can and will work through it eventually. You have done already.”

There was more companionable silence as Zhang Qiling’s eyes studied the sky as he contemplated.

Finally, he murmured a soft and almost incredulous “So they didn’t win …” The blueness went blurry as tears trembled in Zhang Qiling's eyes.

Hei Xiazi’s voice went tight as he answered. “No… they didn’t win, Yaba.”

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling emerged from the bathroom in his brand new, plush bathrobe; rubbing at his hair with a towel as he went, padding slowly back to his room now that he was all squeaky clean after his and Xiazi’s workout.

Wu Xie was still asleep, catching up after the early morning sleep interruption; but as Zhang Qiling entered, the young man stirred and opened his eyes.

A smile dawned almost as soon as those big brown eyes settled onto Zhang Qiling that seemed to be trying to rival the morning sun for warmth.

“Xiǎogē…” Wu Xie breathed in a happy sort of sigh as he stretched.

Zhang Qiling couldn’t help the soft smile that touched his own lips in response; and he moved towards the bed, discarding the damp towel as he went.

Wu Xie shifted up to a seated position, looking up at Zhang Qiling’s features that were somehow sharper and more accentuated without the slightly overgrown mop of hair. He was beautiful, Wu Xie thought; physically flawless and able to withstand the closest scrutiny.

Zhang Qiling leaned to meet the upraised face and smiling lips with a kiss that went from the intended short and sweet one to a heated one almost immediately.

Apparently, instead of being afraid of intimacy and heat; Zhang Qiling’s body had the opposite sorts of things in mind today. Was he horny? That had not been a thing he’d have expected from his physicality this soon if ever; but his interaction with Hei Xiazi earlier, and its response now to Wu Xie’s closeness seemed to indicate that sexual desire was nowhere near deeply buried on this particular day.

Wu Xie could feel the heat too, and with his inexperience with such heights of physical desire; the rush of responding hunger very nearly overwhelmed his good sense. His hands moved to grip into the front of Zhang Qiling’s bathrobe as he pressed up into the kiss, his body stirring to life as things he sensed from Zhang Qiling were echoed and amplified by his own body’s responsiveness.

Wu Xie’s fingers brushed the skin of Zhang Qiling’s bare chest, and one hand loosed its grip on the disheveled robe front; brushing again, then spreading and pressing his palm to the inviting warmth. Zhang Qiling’s heartbeat was a strong and steady rhythm beneath his palm as he smoothed it over the subtle musculature, and Wu Xie’s fingertips encountered the delicate round of that pale pink, perfect right nipple.

Zhang Qiling gasped, his eyes popping wide and his body stilling in place as a wash of sensation flooded his body and mind. The response was disproportionate to the stimulation as dozens of long buried memories were instantly summoned; surfacing from the maelstrom of things one after another in rapid succession.

Wu Xie crashed back down to earth, freezing in place as well as his eyes rose to Zhang Qiling’s face; watching the rapid shift of those onyx irises as Zhang Qiling processed something or perhaps a lot of somethings very quickly. His initial fear that he’d triggered some sort of panic response eased fractionally, because there wasn’t any panic on Zhang Qiling’s face; just a sort of realization or recollection.

“Xiaoge?” Wu Xie prompted softly, still not moving just in case.

Zhang Qiling rapid blinked a few more times, his eyes refocusing and then settling to Wu Xie’s face.

“I’m okay,” he said; more or less meaning it.

Zhang Qiling shifted a hand, resting it over the fabric of his robe and trapping Wu Xie’s hand against his chest where it still was brushing that sensitive place. “I remembered something…” he murmured. “Or, I guess I’d already remembered it; it was just scrambled a bit with all the rest of the things I remembered at Golmud. But it’s all clear again now …”

“What did you remember?” Wu Xie asked; slightly distracted by his trapped hand and the warm body beneath it again, not to mention the fact that Zhang Qiling was keeping his hand there almost purposefully for some mysterious reason.

“There was this doctor there, though he hardly deserved to be called a doctor. He was a butcher really … a true psychopath without any genuine human emotion in him,” Zhang Qiling began.

“The butcher that Xiazi talked about?” Wu Xie asked, blinking back to Zhang Qiling’s face.  “The one you were afraid of?” his voice went a little smaller for that last bit. It was hard to imagine Zhang Qiling being afraid of someone; and Wu Xie hoped never to encounter such a person in his life.

Zhang Qiling nodded, his eyes settling to Wu Xie’s face again; and he cupped Wu Xie’s cheek with his free hand, even as he gave a little squeeze to the one still trapped against his chest.

“One of his methods from day one was to establish a sort of trigger object to which he tied every one of our visits in some way,” Zhang Qiling said, his tone reminiscent and quiet; but his eyes held gentleness and softness that Wu Xie knew was for himself alone. “Sometimes he would just touch me there …” he said, not saying where; but Wu Xie suspected it was right where his fingers were brushing just now. “But most times he would hurt me, each time more brutal than before; tying each of his dehumanizing tortures to a meaningful attention to that spot each time like some sadistic game.”

Wu Xie’s sexual heat was dissipating and being replaced with mixed sympathy and a valiant attempt to not picture the acts behind Zhang Qiling’s intentionally vague description. He didn’t want to imagine Zhang Qiling being hurt in any sort of detail, and he guessed that Zhang Qiling was deliberately sparing him the gory details while still being open and sharing with him.

“Xia and I worked really hard to try and buffer the psychological triggers in between,” Zhang Qiling continued. “And I guess it more or less succeeded …”

A small smile tugged at Zhang Qiling’s lips and Wu Xie blinked, hardly able to imagine a reason for smiling just now.

“I like it when you touch me there,” Zhang Qiling explained; a hint of mischief touching that smile. “So, I guess he didn’t win.”

Wu Xie felt a bashful heat suffuse his face, and pleasure surged to replace the grim and sad thoughts.

Zhang Qiling released his hand then, and Wu Xie let his fingers brush that sensitive nipple one more time as he reluctantly slid his hand back out of the robe.

Zhang Qiling smirked slightly, also feeling a bit pleased at the realization; and still more confirmation of Hei Xiazi’s words before.

His body did not store the trauma of at least that particular targeted attempt to make him feel like a stranger in his own body. Instead, it had been transformed into pleasure.

 “Pangzi is probably going to have breakfast ready soon,” Wu Xie sighed with a bit of reluctance; wanting to linger, and maybe even see where a pursuit of the earlier heat might lead them. If Zhang Qiling wasn’t having a negative reaction to such a clearly negative memory with all of its implications; then maybe he really would be fine with more exploration, and Wu Xie’s body was letting him know that he was also fine with more exploration.

But, Zhang Qiling nodded his agreement. “We’re going to have a guest, so I guess we should finish getting ready for the day,” he said.

“A guest?” Wu Xie questioned.

Zhang Qiling’s next smile held a sort of secretive pleasure and another note of the mischief, but he did not clarify.

Wu Xie didn’t press, instead he moved to get out of bed. “I need a cold shower,” he said with a bit of a pointed look at Zhang Qiling as he made for the door.

Zhang Qiling immediately chuckled softly, watching as Wu Xie made his escape.

***

Pangzi was indeed working hard at his breakfast prepping; especially focusing on making sure that there were plenty of things to tempt Zhang Qiling’s appetite.

It was something of a constant balancing act trying to get sufficient nutrition and calories into the man with that secondary energy requiring significantly more fuel so that it would not overpower the human physicality; a balancing act that was made even more difficult by the fact that said human physicality was not quite back to full vibrant strength to begin with, and Zhang Qiling had a tendency to lose interest in food whenever his system was dealing with stressors of a psychological nature.

Pangzi had taken to the task with determination; considering it his own particular labor of love on Zhang Qiling’s behalf. Even if it felt a bit like a losing battle most days.

On this particular day though, Zhang Qiling appeared in the kitchen dressed in blue jeans and a soft white sweater; making a beeline for a seat at the counter with a little furball purring happily in his arms.

“Is breakfast almost ready, Pangzi?” he asked, straddling the stool top and eyeing the beginnings of the spread with interest. “I’m starving,” he added, earning a look of happy pleasure from the mama hen.

“Well, that’s something I don’t usually hear from you,” Pangzi observed.

  “I worked out a lot this morning,” Zhang Qiling said by way of explanation.

Pangzi grinned now. “That’s wonderful news. I’ll admit I’ve missed our early morning post-workout visits.”

“I think its time to start up a bit of a routine again,” Zhang Qiling said, scratching under the kitten’s chin a moment before bending to let the little creature free. “It might be beneficial to have some structure. And it may help me work up more of an appetite which should be a good thing too.”

Pangzi studied the man sitting across the counter from him, his eyes bright as he noted so many things; so many subtle and not so subtle changes.

Zhang Qiling had been so quiet before, even before Tamutuo that it had become a necessity to hyper attune to every little nonverbal signal; but now the man seated across from him had a full vocabulary and an ease of speaking that was very different from every version that Pangzi had become familiar with previously.

“I need to get strong enough so I can beat Xiazi in a sparring match again,” Zhang Qiling added with a slight glance to the side an instant before Hei Xiazi appeared on silent feet; also looking freshly showered and changed.

“It’s not often that I get to be the winner against you, Yaba,” Hei Xiazi’s tone was casual; and even if there were hints of emotional defenses behind the scenes, he still managed a bit of genuine teasing. “I’m not going to relinquish that spot easily.”

“Which just means I’ll need to work extra hard,” Zhang Qiling said, eyeing the man as Hei Xiazi slid onto the stool beside him.

Swiveling, Hei Xiazi settled with his back to the counter; propping his elbows behind him and looking decidedly indolent as he smirked. “Speaking of working hard,” he added. “Wu Xie needs to start training again too,” he shot a meaningful look towards the hallway where Wu Xie’s not so silent approach could be heard.

“I don’t have any objections,” Wu Xie said brightly; taking in the view of both men then shifting to a squat to say good morning to the kitten.

The kitten got close enough to sniff him this time, but when Wu Xie tried to pet her; she still hissed and backed away.

Acquiescing, Wu Xie straightened and continued towards the stool on the other side of Zhang Qiling. “Also, who is the guest coming to breakfast, Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie asked.

“We have a guest coming?” Hei Xiazi blinked.

Zhang Qiling’s lips quirked. “I invited Liu Sang to join us,” he said simply.

“Liu Sang?!” Pangzi immediately went into facetious complaining mode. “He’s been avoiding us since he got here though. Why would you go and do a thing like that?”

“He’s pretty,” Zhang Qiling said next.

Hei Xiazi let out a bemused snort.

“Pretty?!” Pangzi exclaimed.

Wu Xie was blinking rapidly as a bunch of new concepts dropped into his still youthful brain.

“How is Liu Sang pretty?” Pangzi continued his protest. “Wu Xie, does the word pretty come to mind when you think of Liu Sang?”

Wu Xie chewed on his bottom lip in thought for a moment; finally, he blinked again. “I guess I kinda can see it …” he said slowly, glancing at Zhang Qiling sidelong.

“Is this one of those type things you were talking about when Xiǎogē said Xiao Hua was pretty?” Pangzi addressed the question to Hei Xiazi.

“Oh, this is definitely a type thing,” Hei Xiazi said, still smirking; and also stealing sideways glances at Zhang Qiling’s little smile and momentarily downcast eyes.

“Xiǎogē, are you crushing on Liu Sang?” Pangzi realized; simultaneously surprised, confused, and amused.

“I’d not expected to see this side of you so soon, Yaba,” Hei Xiazi noted on Pangzi’s heels.

Zhang Qiling shrugged noncommittedly; even as he looked sideways to Wu Xie.

Obvious Hei Xiazi understood this side of him; but Wu Xie was still very new to ideas of romance and relationships and had grown up in a more traditional setting, and he had no idea what all had been revealed in the years he did not recall post Tamutuo.  

Wu Xie met Zhang Qiling’s eyes and smiled a slightly unsteady smile.

Zhang Qiling didn’t say a word, but Wu Xie read the gentle question on the man’s face. “I’m okay,” he said. “I think I get it. It just surprised me, because I’d not thought to realize it sooner and it’s a bit of a new concept to me.”

“What concept?” Pangzi queried, still lost.

Liu Sang stood outside the front door, his hand poised to knock but frozen in place as he blinked wide-eyed at the door.

Pretty?!

Zhang Qiling … his Ǒuxiàng thought he was pretty?!

A whole lot of emotions arose at that knowledge. He felt pleased and flustered at the pleasure; confused, flattered … so many other things.

Liu Sang moistened his lips and cleared his throat, untucking his long hair from behind his ears just in case. Then he rapped on the door, interrupting the conversation inside.

“That’ll be him,” Hei Xiazi commented, rather enjoying the confusion that Zhang Qiling’s casual comment had made; and also rather enjoying the implications of that comment coupled with their interactions that morning.

Clearly, he needed to rethink a lot of his expectations about what Zhang Qiling was or was not ready for, even if the man was just playing around the edges currently. Or maybe he needed to just throw out his expectations all together.

“I’ll get it!” Wu Xie said, scooting off his chair and hurrying into the living room and the door itself.

Chapter Text

Wu Xie yanked open the front door then just stood there blinking at Liu Sang, his brain still working to catch up with him while most of its processing power was still considering all of the implications of the realizations that were just beginning to settle in.

“I’m here for breakfast …” Liu Sang stated in the awkward silence; eyeing Wu Xie contemplatively.

Wu Xie nodded and stepped aside, still blinking as he gestured Liu Sang in the appropriate direction.

Liu Sang gave Wu Xie an askance once over before sidling past him and moving the way that had been indicated. It only took a few steps for him to spot his destination, the small gathering in the kitchen awaiting his arrival.

Hei Xiazi studied the arrival with a glib sort of smirk; observing him in the light of Zhang Qiling’s word earlier and finding no argument to countermand the description. The young man was pretty … even if currently it was in the way a flowering cactus could be pretty; the prickly guard clearly up.

Zhang Qiling looked up and around a welcoming curve touching his lips even as an intent light touched his eyes that made Hei Xiazi’s own heart flutter a little.

How long had it been since that sort of light had been there?

Since pre-Golmud?

Two and a half decades …

It was a subtle blend between confidence and curiosity and eagerness; as if he’d discovered something new and wonderful and wanted to slowly uncover its mysteries layer by layer.

Hei Xiazi knew from personal experience that that look wasn’t exclusive to persons that Zhang Qiling was drawn to romantically. It had been a look he’d seen on numerous occasions over the long decades they’d known each other; and in all of those years he’d still never fully deciphered the full depths of nuance encapsulated in that expression.

He’d even found himself as the subject of that look before; and the feel of it was it was very nearly indescribable, especially when coupled with a full understanding of exactly what sort of person was looking at you as if you were the most important and fascinating being in existence to him in that moment.

Liu Sang shifted and very nearly cleared his throat as he was briefly held by Zhang Qiling’s dark eyes at the soft pleasure in the curve of the man’s lips. That expression coupled with the words he’d just overheard had him almost immediately off balance, but Wu Xie stepping around him to take up a seat again at Zhang Qiling’s side helped break the momentary spell and he blinked away from that face a moment so he could move to the seat on the other side of Wu Xie.

“What, no smart-ass comments today, Pangzi?” Liu Sang asked as he settled and addressed the also silent Pangzi who had been momentarily distracted from his own teasing as he tried to decipher the strange vibe that was making him feel a bit like a third (fifth?) wheel in his own kitchen.

“Just give me a minute, I’m sure I’ll come up with something shortly,” Pangzi said.

“So… are you settling in okay, Liu Sang?” Wu Xie piped up now; trying to make up for his initial startled silence with some small talk. “We’ve hardly seen anything of you since getting here from Beijing.”

“I’ll admit I’m feeling a bit cooped up,” Liu Sang said. “My life has been rather put on hold after all. I mean how am I supposed to even do any of my consulting work if I have to worry about being tracked down by the 10^th family and whoever else the whole time?”

Wu Xie blinked as the attention was rapidly shifted from the sudden developing relational drama to a much more serious reality that he’d kind of forgotten about in the midst of Zhang Qiling searching for and reclaiming some of his memories etc.

“Is there any way to do some of it remotely?” Wu Xie questioned.

“Some maybe,” Liu Sang said. “But a lot of my work requires me to be on location.”

“Maybe he can work with us,” Zhang Qiling interjected; his quiet voice having the effect it so often did, everyone’s attention moving to him. “What ever came of that job we were doing before going to Beijing?”

“We’re still waiting on feedback from Mr. Yang,” Wu Xie said. “But I suppose it’s an idea, though I’m not sure if Liu Sang’s specific area of expertise applies to this particular job as it more so has to do with artifact recovery and less exploring an unknown area at this point.”

“I’ll admit my skills don’t exactly extend to the historical aspects of items and the specifics of a location,” Liu Sang agreed.

“Would you like to?” Wu Xie asked then, something suddenly occurring to him.

“Would I like to what?” Liu Sang questioned.

“Would you like to learn more about the artifacts and working with them more specifically? I mean yeah, your skills lie elsewhere. But it’s kind of inevitable at this point that you’ll be doing more work involving the tomb/historical site finding now after you’ve been associated with Tamutuo and the nine families, so it might come in handy to actually know about the things your helping people find with your ears.”

Liu Sang frowned a little as he considered; or perhaps that was just something of his default expression while still in prickly mode. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” he said slowly and not entirely committedly. “What exactly did you have in mind?”

“Well, Wang Meng has actually been begging me to get him some help for the shop for forever,” Wu Xie said, his expression brightening and becoming more eager as he warmed to his idea. “And it would give you something to do beyond just sitting around waiting for it to be safe again.”

Liu Sang grimaced a little bit, the word shop and its retail-esque implications sounding rather unappealing to say the least.

“I mean, you could just try it out; and if you don’t like it you don’t have to,” Wu Xie said.

“Will there be pay involved?” Liu Sang asked.

“Of course!” Wu Xie said. “It probably won’t exactly be the level you get with your consulting jobs; but I’d hardly expect you to work for free.”

Liu Sang pursed his lips, considering but still not exactly thrilled by the idea.

“And even if the job from Mr. Yang doesn’t precisely line up with the usual jobs you do, you can probably still tag along if you want,” Zhang Qiling interjected again. “So you don’t have to sit around here and feel cooped up.”

“That too,” Wu Xie hastened to agree.

Liu Sang glanced past Wu Xie towards Zhang Qiling before grudgingly saying “I suppose it couldn’t hurt to give it all a try. If nothing else I can add some more things to my job portfolio.”

“And we’ll just pretend it won’t be weird having Wu Xie as your boss,” Pangzi said with a grin. “And technically me too, since we’ve sort of merged my business and Wushanju and we’re joint partners.”

Liu Sang promptly scowled at Pangzi.

“Liu Sang can be partners too,” Wu Xie said.

“Except he isn’t bringing in product to sell like I am,” Pangzi said.

“Junior partner?” Wu Xie amended uncertainly.

“I’m sure the specifics can be hashed out after breakfast,” Hei Xiazi interjected.

“And we should discuss more of what to do about the 10^th family and also plan a time to meet with the new guards as a whole,” Zhang Qiling continued to offer input.

It was Wu Xie’s turn to grimace. He was still very not thrilled at the fact of having guards at all let alone the fact that they were hired by his extended family with all of the icky lack of privacy that would likely mean later on. Quite frankly he would have preferred not to deal with or even acknowledge them for a while longer.

“What are you up to, Yaba?” Hei Xiazi questioned; picking up on things that neither Wu Xie nor the other youngsters did, by dint of knowing the man for longer and recognizing pre-golmud aspects of the man’s multi-layered persona being hinted at now.

A little furrow appeared between Zhang Qiling’s eyebrows as he had to considered the why behind the vague impression he’d simply been acting on with the comment. “It seems like the right thing to do; we’re going to be relying on them. It’s important to establish an authentic connection with them in order to foster good morale and loyalty …” he followed up the more direct comments with a slightly hesitating “Right?” directed at Hei Xiazi.

Hei Xiazi chuckled softly, a nostalgic look touching his expression. “You would know best about that sort of thing, Yaba. You’re the only one here whose managed a household with a personal army before; not to mention been the leader of a village before.”

“Was I?” Zhang Qiling questioned softly; the considering furrow deepening and then smoothing as he accepted the absence of the memories. At least that vague sense of what to do seemed to be founded even if he couldn’t recall what it was founded on.

“Ǒuxiàng was the leader of a village before?” Liu Sang questioned with confusion.

Hei Xiazi winced and looked to Zhang Qiling now; realizing he might be overstepping the boundary that Zhang Qiling had once voiced about not wanting to be served up the details of his life as some list of facts he’d not yet reconnected to.

Zhang Qiling didn’t say anything yet.

“I mean we did find out he was and I guess technically still is the head of the Zhang Clan,” Wu Xie covered with a fact that was already common knowledge. “So, I guess that makes sense.”

“Oh yeah,” Liu Sang said, recalling some of the details that had come out during the discussions at Xie Yuchen’s house leading up to Zhang Qiling’s decision to visit Golmud.

“Aren’t the guards more likely to be loyal to my extended family more so than us though?” Wu Xie questioned, turning his attention fully to Zhang Qiling for a moment. “Is it really worth putting a lot of effort into “connecting” with them or whatever?”

Zhang Qiling considered for a moment, not because he didn’t know what to say so much as because he wanted to say it in the right way for Wu Xie. His tone was mild but quite serious as he answered “They’re going to be risking their lives to protect us regardless of who hired them,” he met those big innocent … and sometimes a bit oblivious or preoccupied eyes with his own which held not even a scrap of judgement for Wu Xie’s youth. “Shouldn’t we try to meet them on a purely human level and make sure that their needs are being met and that they are existing in at least a level of comfort in their new home? I think if we take just a little time to make sure they know they are appreciated it might be beneficial.”

Wu Xie felt simultaneously deeply understood and thoroughly chastised at once; though he thought the chastisement came from himself rather than Zhang Qiling. His reasoning based on an ingrained dislike of engaging with persons who would be reporting back to his vaguely disliked extended family suddenly seemed not just the response of an immature and irresponsible person, but a deeply petty sentiment in the light of the grim reality.

No, he’d not meant to be thoughtless or take anything for granted; but he was suddenly feeling a feeling he’d felt before … namely his youth and inexperience which his rather shallow view of this matter seemed to be emphasizing right now.

An embarrassed blush of color touched Wu Xie’s cheeks and he dropped his eyes from Zhang Qiling’s for a moment as he took in the full import of the words.

“I guess I’d not really thought of it that way,” he admitted. “I’ve never really considered that they might actually die to keep me safe if it came down to it …”

Zhang Qiling’s expression just held more of that gentle understanding; and a total lack of doubt that Wu Xie would rise to the challenge just fine now that he’d been presented with the clear picture of the situation.

It was so entirely unlike the doubt and almost disappointment Wu Xie was so often faced with by his extended family … Like he was never living up to their expectations. That was such a draining feeling to face and a big reason behind the prejudice behind his dislike that now it would be as though they were looking over his shoulder all the time.  

Zhang Qiling’s face held no expectations, just belief in him which gave him such a different feeling of being empowered after the momentary shame at his own naïveté in this matter.

“Okay,” Wu Xie said, his back straightening a little almost on its own. “I’ll schedule something for as soon as they’re all settled in to the barracks.”

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling acknowledged with just that hint of emphatic approval in the sound that made Wu Xie’s eyes shine and one of his big grins flash across his features.

A momentary silence followed; Wu Xie not being the only one struck by the odd gravitas that Zhang Qiling had suddenly injected into the morning no doubt.

Pangzi was the one who broke the bubble of uncharacteristic seriousness. “Well, before we get down to business; lets eat before the food gets cold.”  

Chapter Text

Wu Xie pushed open the attic window leading out into the odd joining space between the pieces of roofing where the different sections of the siheyuan connected. Zhang Qiling was not there, but a glance farther up revealed him on the higher peak that looked over a little bit of everything.

Slipping through the narrow opening, Wu Xie made his way slowly over the uneven roof bits towards the main gatehouse, watching Zhang Qiling’s attention turn to him and a small but inviting smile touch the otherwise serious face.

Shifting smoothly up to his feet, Zhang Qiling moved along the ridge to the edge to assist the far less surefooted Wu Xie in climbing up with him; very carefully steadying the young man until they were both securely seated again with nothing between them and the distant star-strewn sky and Wushanju sprawling beneath their feet.

“I can see why you like it up here,” Wu Xie said a tad breathlessly; taking in the view, and feeling an odd feeling of responsibility for his home that he’d not really ever felt before. It was odd how different his appreciation for Wushanju had become in these past few days. It was no longer just a place he happened to live at, which was how he’d viewed it in these few years since his uncle had given it to him.

It really felt like a home now, where the people he cared about resided. And in these last few days that fact had struck him for the first time. This was home, and it might just need defending. People might die to defend it and its occupants.

It certainly lent a gravitas to the moment now as he looked over it all.

“Are you looking out for us when you’re up here?” Wu Xie realized as he asked the question allowed. “Is that some of what you used to do before when you first got here and climbed around the rooftops all the time?”

“I can’t speak for what I used to do before,” Zhang Qiling admitted; the months before Tamutuo still yet another gaping vacancy in his mind. “But in some ways, I suppose that has been a part of why I am doing it now yes. But I’ve always liked to be able to look down from a high place … at least as far as I can remember I have,” his smile turned slightly rueful at the necessity of the specification.

“You have for as long as I have known you at least,” Wu Xie said. “Even in the times you don’t remember …” With something like brief shyness, Wu Xie slipped his arm around Zhang Qiling’s; hugging onto him lightly and letting his head rest against the hoodie-clad shoulder.

Zhang Qiling did still wear the hoodie when he was “patrolling”. It was fall after all, and a little bit of a covering was beneficial even if his body heat tended to negate the need for heavier clothing most of the time.

Zhang Qiling glanced at Wu Xie as the young man got comfortable and his dark eyes held a gentle fondness that lingered as he turned his gaze back to the siheyuan.

“You know … I think I am starting to understand something that Hei Xiazi’s mentioned a couple times,” Wu Xie murmured, his eyes on Zhang Qiling’s profile that was partly illuminated and partly shadowed by the variations of the lighting below them.

“What’s that?” Zhang Qiling asked in a similarly quiet tone; his eyes still shifting contemplatively over the view below even as he listened.

Wu Xie knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that, even if Zhang Qiling was not looking at him, the man was listening deeply. He could feel that fact in that strange new way that seemed to have grown even stronger since the emergence of this newest rendition of the man, and it made him feel a mile high. He hugged Zhang Qiling’s arm a little tighter as he smiled softly.

“He said you never change … not really. Your memories might, and how you view the world … but you at your core are always the same,” Wu Xie said.

Zhang Qiling didn’t say anything, but Wu Xie saw those casually drifting eyes cease their drifting; the eyelids and long lashes drifting lower like a veil for the depth of the thoughts going on behind them which might reveal themselves in his eyes otherwise.

“You still care about people … you did that the first time we met and all the way even to Tamutuo,” Wu Xie continued. “Then you lost your memories again, but you immediately cared for me and Pangzi and I think Hei Xiazi too. It took a while, but as soon as you were able you showed it in little ways and then in big ways when you came to rescue me in that ruined temple; and when you defended Pangzi and I in Beijing.”

“And now … now you are still looking out for us almost instinctively; and not just us. You already have so many things to deal with, but you took the time to care about our new guards too. You make a point to include every one of us in that care even when it would make sense for you to want to shut out everything extra right now and just hang out with Xiazi while you sort through everything.”

“Even when the world hurts you again and again … you care. I think it’s who you are at the very core; and nothing changes it even when you don’t remember,” Wu Xie concluded, still fixated on Zhang Qiling’s face.

 He saw the muscles of Zhang Qiling’s throat shift as he swallowed; watching the otherwise silent altering of the breathing stirring the hoodie-clad chest … following the path of a tear glinting in the soft illumination as it trailed from beneath the lowered lashes which was in turn followed by more silent ones as that throat worked around a tightness that had formed.

Wu Xie tucked his face against Zhang Qiling’s shoulder as one of his encircling arms eased down so he could twine his fingers with Zhang Qiling’s. His eyes stung a little, but his own tears didn’t fall as he just offered his closeness while far more poignant ones made their way into the world with only him to bear witness.  

“Xièxiè nǐ …” Zhang Qiling breathed when he could trust his voice again. The words still came out tight and instead of more he raised Wu Xie’s hand in his so he could press his lips to it.   

Chapter Text

Zhang Qiling waited until the force of welling emotions ebbed, anchoring himself in the closeness of Wu Xie at his side; the young man’s hand held tightly in his sometimes hard enough that he wondered if he might not leave bruises.

Eventually the tightness in his throat dissolved, the unrestrainable tears ceasing their flowing; and a stillness settled over him within and without.

A sideways glance revealed Wu Xie’s eyes still on him, though he hadn’t really needed to look to know that; and he gently offered a smile that held the gratitude of his earlier words. “I don’t know if you will ever be able to comprehend how much your beautiful words mean to me …”  

 A flustered laugh bubbled past Wu Xie’s lips and he hid his blush against Zhang Qiling’s arm.

Amusement touched the gentleness of Zhang Qiling’s smile as he reached to brush one burning cheek with his thumb.

“Speaking of beautiful words,” Zhang Qiling added in a lighter tone. “You did well today when you met with the guards.”

Wu Xie let out a beleaguered groan at that. “I felt like such a goober!” he complained. “Most of those people are older than me and I’m supposed to be their boss, but I don’t think I ever really thought about how to be a boss that’s worth being loyal to. I mostly have just been winging it with Wang Meng. It’s a miracle he’s put up with me this long.”

“You may not know what you are doing, but you are genuine; and people can sense that,” Zhang Qiling said. “That alone will go a long way towards earning their respect, and having them respect you is half the battle.”

“What’s the other half?” Wu Xie asked.

“Earning their devotion,” Zhang Qiling said. “Not many people make the effort to go beyond getting the respect; and you likely won’t come across many who will be willing to offer devotion even if you do make the effort to gain it. But if you do manage it, even with just a few, you will have gained something truly invaluable … someone you can trust unequivocally; no matter who else tries to buy their loyalty.”

Zhang Qiling’s gaze drifted back to the courtyard below then as he let out a soft huff of a laugh before adding, “Or at least I think so. I could be completely wrong since I don’t even remember where those words came from,” he admitted. “I might know even less than you do about being a ‘boss’.”

Wu Xie shook his head. “You know. Maybe not with your head, but you know it. Its another of those things that doesn’t change, I think.”

Zhang Qiling smiled his thanks again. “Well, at the very least I apparently know how to pretend it well enough to get by. Maybe someday if I pretend long enough, I’ll actually remember.”

“What all have you remembered?” Wu Xie asked then. “I mean I know you remembered Golmud, but did you remember all of it or just a part? And did you remember anything from before it?”

“I remember most of Golmud,” Zhang Qiling said. “Though it’s all still a bit of a tangled jumble that seems to be sorting itself out slowly bit by bit, especially if something prompts a specific memory. And I suppose there’s a good chunk of the second place that I recall, though in my head I don’t really make a distinction. It was all hell, and the second place was never given a name so I’ve sort of lumped it all together.”

“At some point it gets blurry though … not like the memories aren’t there; just they seem washed out or two dimensional or something. I think my mind just couldn’t take anything anymore, it couldn’t even pick up on the details of reality let alone retain them.”

“And nothing from before?” Wu Xie reiterated.

“Nothing clear,” Zhang Qiling said. “Mostly nothing … but I guess its not all nothing. There’s bits and pieces and impressions … flickering faces.” He shrugged a little. “But to be honest I’m not that worried currently. I’ve got my hands full with sorting through what I have remembered.”

“And then you remember from about when we got back to Wushanju after Tamutuo until now?” Wu Xie asked.

Zhang Qiling nodded slowly as he added “Though those memories have gotten somewhat caught up in the jumble so I get things out of order a bit; but I have been working on that.”

Wu Xie nodded thoughtfully, then fell silent as he considered.

Zhang Qiling was quiet too, enjoying the companionable nature of the silence and the physical closeness on top of his usual enjoyment of fresh air and nature.

Wu Xie spoke first this time as he ventured a question he’d been ruminating over ever since that first revelation.

“Xiǎogē?” he started with a question.

“Mmm?” Zhang Qiling prompted, glancing at the youthful features still resting against his shoulder.

“Do you like Liu Sang?” Wu Xie asked with a bit less self-doubt and hesitance as he’d once asked a similar question about Zhang Qiling and Hei Xiazi.

“I think so,” Zhang Qiling said frankly.

“Do you want to be in a relationship with him?” Wu Xie asked.

“I certainly find him physically attractive,” Zhang Qiling admitted. “And I like his personality … at least as much as I’ve observed of it in the limited time he’s been around us. Beyond that I’ve not really been able to spend enough time with him to know if it will be more or if he’s even interested in more.”

“But if he was interested in more? And you still liked his personality after getting to know him better?” Wu Xie asked.

Zhang Qiling pursed his lips consideringly, then he nodded. “If things worked out that way, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

He studied Wu Xie’s features in the intervening pause.

“Would you rather I not pursue it?” he asked.

Wu Xie shook his head immediately. “I want you to be able to be and do anything that makes you happy,” he said.

“You being happy makes me happy,” Zhang Qiling said. “If you aren’t okay with anything I am content with limiting things to between you and Xiazi.”

Wu Xie shook his head again. “I don’t want you to limit yourself to anything. I’ve been thinking about it all … I even looked up stuff on the internet,” Wu Xie ducked his head a little; just a tad abashed at the admission. “I think the term for it is being polyamorous. Is that what you are?”

Zhang Qiling smiled at Wu Xie’s clumsy but adorable attempts to truly understand and adapt to the things beyond his familiar world and its arbitrary boundaries. “I guess that would be the term for it,” he agreed.

“I mean it makes sense,” Wu Xie said, the words beginning to pour out; an old familiar sign that he’d likely been overthinking about the topic for quite a while now. “Where I had to adjust to the idea of you liking me and Xiazi at the same time; it just seems to come so natural to you. It didn’t occur to me that that might apply to other people too, but Xiazi’s been saying how much you relate to the world through touch and intimacy for a while now and hinting at your “taste” in people so the minute you said what you did about Liu Sang it was just like a light bulb going off. I mean, you’re hundreds of years old so of course you’d view relationships differently; and I don’t want you to not be who you are and enjoy what you enjoy just for my sake.”

“You …” Wu Xie faltered then, his cheeks threatening to burn off at this point in spite of himself. “You might have to teach me how it all works; but if you want to pursue Liu Sang or anyone else then I want to support you in it. And … maybe I can be that way too if you want; I just don’t know how.”

Zhang Qiling found humor rising and overflowing before he could mitigate the reaction, his body shaking with the soft barely audible laughter of mixed amusement and delight.

Wu Xie trailed off, torn between being even more embarrassed and marveling at the laughter accompanied by what might have been the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen to date.

“Well,” Zhang Qiling began when he could converse again, “For all I know Liu Sang’s not even interested in guys let alone wanting to get involved with a traumatic mess like me, so we’ll let that whole situation just simmer for a bit and see if it goes anywhere or not. As far as the rest of it … considering it will be a bit of a relearning thing for me as well, and also factoring that I don’t know how far I can push intimacy still; we can take our time and learn together if you like.”

Wu Xie found a grin of his own to answer the one still playing with Zhang Qiling’s lips. “I would like that. Anything, if it involves you and you being happy, I at least would like to try.”

Zhang Qiling nodded with another little chuckle.

Wu Xie was pretty sure he was in love with the sound of amusement from Zhang Qiling now and he snuggled closer; enjoying the warmth radiating from the man. Then another question occurred.

“Xiǎogē?”

“Yes?”

“Do you only like guys? Or do you like girls too?”

Zhang Qiling had to consider that for a moment. The only current memory of intimacy with a female had ties to Golmud which wasn’t the best reference point to judge the answer from; but eventually he answered.

“As far as I can remember … both I think,” he said.

Wu Xie blinked some more then fell silent again as his brain went back to thinking of all the things and unconsidered topics that came with having a Zhang Qiling in his life.

Chapter Text

Hei Xiazi stirred towards the surface of an unusually delicious depth of sleep, a less typical comfort suffusing the whole of him as if he’d gotten some exceptionally high quality rest and perhaps hadn’t actually drunk himself to sleep for once. The explanation for the oddity registered almost before he’d opened his eyes, the contact of a familiar extraordinary warmth against which he was pressed featuring prominently; the closeness of another person beneath the thin covering of the bed-sheet fabric – the rest of the blankets long discarded in spite of the fact that it was a cold winter’s day outside.

Yaba had shared his bed last night …

That was not an every night thing. Zhang Qiling had made a careful point to create boundaries for himself; recognizing his physical and psychological dependencies and diligently taking the steps to combat them. So, it was an extra special treat to recall that last night had been one of those nights when the man had made the intentional choice to share his bed.

A softening of pleasure was already touching Hei Xiazi’s lips as he slow blinked his eyes open to the early morning dimness of the room.

Zhang Qiling was awake and looking at him, a little welcoming smile touching those tempting lips.

Hei Xiazi’s own lips headed straight for a grin as he stretched lazily, rather like a cat luxuriating in the comfort of a sun beam; only the heat he was luxuriating in belonged to his bed mate. He eased the arm he’d ended up casually draping across his companion’s frame at some point during the night, feeling the silky smooth contact of Zhang Qiling’s skin against his own; and instead of removing the arm entirely from around the man, Hei Xiazi let his palm stroke the naked skin of Zhang Qiling’s shirtless torso.

The feel of him was as tempting as those lips, and for a moment Hei Xiazi indulged his urge to touch while the light in Zhang Qiling’s eyes teased him softly.

In the nearly 2 months since that unexpectedly successfully visit to Golmud, the man had filled out again; the fruits of the labors of a few persons, though Hei Xiazi knew that the driving force behind the speed of the improvements had been Zhang Qiling himself.

Hei Xiazi’s eyes and touch informed him of the changes resulting from those determined efforts. The man’s ribs didn’t show as prominently against the fair skin of his chest, and the too-sharpness of his features was no longer evident enough to cause Hei Xiazi uneasy pangs and recollections of being forced to watch the man be starved to death in front of him.

Zhang Qiling’s body was very nearly back to how it had been when he’d come home to Wushanju for that first time after the Paracel Island Tomb; still just shy of being his physical peak, but infinitely better than he’d been after Tamutuo.

Zhang Qiling’s lips were quirking bemusedly as he watched Hei Xiazi’s pointed study of his body; then Hei Xiazi’s eyes made it up to his face again and the drifting, caressing hand moved to cup his cheek.

“Did you sleep alright?” Hei Xiazi asked, noting for the first time that Zhang Qiling had already been awake when he’d initially roused.

Zhang Qiling shifted his gaze fractionally, knowing that Hei Xiazi would read the intended hint as he verbally said “More or less.”

The flicker of shadow across Hei Xiazi’s features said that he’d gotten the message.

Yes … physically there had been a great many improvements.

But there were still other battles to be fought and progress that was far slower in the making.

 Zhang Qiling made a point to refocus to pleasanter things.

“Happy almost New Year’s,” he murmured; letting a particularly cheeky smirk touch his lips.

Hei Xiazi found his grin again and he immediately propped himself up onto an elbow so he could lean in and help himself to a kiss.

That was one of likely a few reasons that Zhang Qiling had made a point to share his bed the last couple of nights in particular.

“Is your plan still on for tonight then?” Hei Xiazi questioned when he pulled back; his fingers still brushing absently at Zhang Qiling’s chest.

“Well, I guess technically it would be for tomorrow after the clock strikes 12am, but yes,” Zhang Qiling’s own smile turned slightly inward as pleasantly fond thoughts rose to the fore.

“I know I’m usually the raincloud of pessimism,” Hei Xiazi said. “But I think it will go well. You’ve been very careful about not pushing things, and we’ve been working on other things together; so, I actually feel rather positive for once that everything will go off without a hitch.”

 Zhang Qiling looked his gratitude, recognizing how rare it was for Hei Xiazi to vocalize things like optimism and hope; knowing it was for his sake that the man did so now.

“Wu Xie’s a lucky man …” Hei Xiazi said with a hint of a smirk.

Zhang Qiling searched Hei Xiazi’s face. “You know I would have asked you to join us if I didn’t think it might not be a bit overwhelming for him for his first time,” he said. “I don’t want you feeling left out.”

“Don’t worry,” Hei Xiazi said. “I won’t begrudge the kid this in particular. Besides, you’ve been practicing with me even if you are saving your first attempt at going all the way for him; so, I hardly have the right to complain even if I wanted to, which I don’t.”

“Besides, you’ve already promised that, assuming all goes well; I’ll be next on the roster,” Hei Xiazi added.

Zhang Qiling chuckled softly. “You make it sound like I’ve got a dance card somewhere with your name on it.”

“Regardless,” Hei Xiazi said. “Considering everything, you deserve to take your time and have your reclamation of your sex life be exactly how you want it to be. If you think that it will make things easier for you to have Wu Xie be the one you share tonight with in this way; then go for it. You know yourself and what you can and can’t handle better than anyone at this point, and I’m just glad you have the option to explore this without potentially making your dependency issues more difficult to deal with as a result.”

Zhang Qiling’s smile was grateful, and he briefly curled an arm around Hei Xiazi’s neck; pulling the man down for another kiss.

As he eased out of bed and up to his feet, Zhang Qiling looked back to Hei Xiazi with a hint of suggestion in his expression. “Do you want to join me in the shower?”

Hei Xiazi brightened visibly. “One more “practice” before the real deal?” he asked.

“Sure,” Zhang Qiling said; bemused again at the blatant eagerness on the other man’s face.

***

“If ya’ll don’t hurry up, we’re going to be late!” Pangzi called loud enough for his voice to carry through the house; his tone one that proclaimed he’d already made that same announcement a few too many times already.

“And by ya’ll I mean you, Wu Xie. Xiǎogē’s been ready.”

A beleaguered groan came from down the hallway. “I know already. I’m almost done,” Wu Xie’s voice sounded as beleaguered as the groan.

Pangzi rolled his eyes but sent a good natured grin in the direction of the stoic Zhang Qiling who was taking all the fuss of the morning in stride.

“What if we just don’t go? I’m sure grandpa will forgive me. He of all people hated all the formal pomp and circumstance stuff anyway,” Wu Xie emerged from the hallway dressed in the more conservative dark suit that matched the essential style of Zhang Qiling’s own ensemble; both of which outfits had been purchased on a certain shopping trip.

((Outfit Inspo 😊 ))

“That would hardly be an appropriate way to start off the new year even if he would understand. The rest of your living relatives wouldn’t let you live it down though, and paying some respects to the ancestors every now and then is a good thing regardless,” Pangzi said. “Come on. I’m pretty sure almost no one likes these sorts of family get togethers, but they tolerate them anyway.”

“It’s enough to make me want to stop celebrating holidays all together; having to put up with my stuffy grandma and uncles and all of their ‘when are you getting married Wu Xie?’ prying and nonsense,” Wu Xie fussed even as he eyed Zhang Qiling appreciatively.

“If you told them that we were together they might finally shut up,” Zhang Qiling suggested. His tone was serious, but the corners of his lips twitched a little to show that he was teasing.

Wu Xie just groaned some more. “I’m pretty sure the Wu family ancestral hall would explode from all the ruckus that casual announcement would cause,” he said.

“Everybody out the door,” Pangzi said; trying to shoo them all in the direction of the front entry off the living room.

Hei Xiazi was sprawled comfortably on the sofa, surfing through the channels showing the various parades and celebrations being televised throughout the country. He was still in his pajamas and couldn’t resist the temptation to rub that fact in a little for Wu Xie’s sake.

“You kids have fun,” he teased loudly.

Wu Xie stuck his tongue out at the man in passing and Hei Xiazi’s laughter followed them out into the main courtyard.

As the trio moved into the shop courtyard, they were greeted by a small contingent of suited men who bowed formally all together in greeting; a reminder of yet another unpleasant feature of the day, even if it was one that Wu Xie had been diligently working to come to terms with.

“All the arrangements have been made according to your stipulations, Laoban. We will follow behind your vehicle.”

Wu Xie repressed the urge to sigh. “Awesome, thanks. And uh … happy new year,” he added.

The guards bowed again; falling into step behind them as they all made a beeline for the front gate where Viki was awaiting the trio; and a non-descript black car awaited their inescapable escorts.

Viki greeted the trio with a couple of cheerful car sounds, if car sounds could be said to sound cheerful; sliding open the side door and even the front door on the driver’s side for Pangzi. Apparently, the merry war between Pangzi and Viki was well ended, and Pangzi gave the doorframe a pat as he slid into the pilot’s seat.

“You must be feeling a little left out, Viki,” Wu Xie said. “Hopefully we’ll have a proper road trip again soon so we can hang out some more.”

Viki responded to the words with a static-y scan of the radio dial.

“Everybody in and buckled up,” Pangzi said. “We’ve gotta hit the road.”

As Viki slid the door shut, Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling moved to the back sofa together to follow the instructions.

“I guess we’d best just get it over with,” Wu Xie sighed; plopping down onto the seat.

Zhang Qiling lowered himself more serenely into place, but he put a hand on Wu Xie’s knee; offering a reassuring pat.

“Don’t worry,” he said, in a way that was rather familiar to Wu Xie. “I won’t let them bully you.”

Wu Xie’s expression forgot to be peevish for a moment, a shining-eyed smile banishing the storm clouds. “Xièxiè nǐ, Xiǎogē,” Wu Xie said. “I should know better than to stress if you’re with me.”

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling nodded the emphatic affirmative.

“He’s not just monster proofing, he’s annoying relative proofing too apparently,” Pangzi called back with a grin.

“It’s too bad you can’t just threaten relatives with a sword or something,” Wu Xie said ruefully. “But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if you can handle them without that.”

“I will definitely be by your side the whole time,” Zhang Qiling promised.

Wu Xie put his hand over Zhang Qiling’s, then just ended up twining his fingers with the warm ones and giving a squeeze. “In that case, maybe it won’t be so bad after all,” he acquiesced.

***  

The Wu Family home in Hangzhou had only been occupied by them since around 1952 when Wu Lao Gou had fled from Changsha and purchased the landholding; but it had all of the ancient charm blended with modernity that had come to characterize Wushanju, showcasing the particular tastes of the man who was most commonly recognized as the patriarch of the Wu clan itself.

The Wu Patriarchal home was considerably larger though, a sprawling estate dominating its place on one side of the Fuchun Jiang river.

It’s size and air only served to emphasize the intimidation factor for those who knew the background of its owners and occupants; and for Wu Xie whose relationship with said owners was rocky at best, it served to set him on edge and wish for the couple of hours ahead to speed by quickly.

Still, it felt infinitely better than it might have with Zhang Qiling at his elbow on one side and Pangzi on the other; his two wingmen and companions there to support him no matter how many meaningful frowns and sidelong looks were sent his way by his various relatives.

Hired hands in suits that looked very nearly identical to the guards no servicing Wushanju opened the large main gate of the compound; greeting Wu Xie formally as the respected heir of the clan, directing them as a group past the more commonly seen guest areas to the inner sanctum where only family and intimate guests of said family ever ventured.

The courtyard off the main residence where Granny Wu herself resided had been prepared for them – for all of the assembled Wu clan for that matter; just about everyone available already in attendance from Granny Wu to Wu Erbai who was brother to the still missing Wu Sanxing and Wu Xie’s deceased father Wu Yiqiong.

Wu Xie had a vague feeling like he’d been called to the principle’s office when the courtyard gate opened to show them all waiting for him; even the servants standing in waiting looking stern and vaguely disapproving, though that might only have been a projection on Wu Xie’s part.

“Fighting!” Pangzi hissed his encouragement to Wu Xie who steeled himself and started forward with Zhang Qiling and Pangzi falling in one step behind.

“So good of you to join us, grandson,” Granny Wu said; her manner that of a queen if an elderly one, though she did not quite come close to the regality that Madam Huo had possessed back in Beijing.

Wu Xie plastered a smile on his face. “Sorry for being late, the traffic was a bit bad,” he said.

“It is a good policy to leave early for formal events just in case,” Granny Wu said.

Wu Xie refrained from gritting his teeth with an effort. “I’ll make a point to do that in future, Nǎinai,” he promised mildly.

“Stand back a little, I want to take a look at you,” the woman directed.

Wu Xie eased back a stride and did a slow turn, giving Pangzi an eyeroll when his back was turned.

“Well. At least your dress sense seems to have improved a little,” Granny Wu commented.

Wu Xie flashed a grin towards Zhang Qiling this time, though he quickly subdued his expression. “Thank you, grandma,” was all he said in a polite tone.

Granny Wu’s gaze shifted to skewer Pangzi next.

“Wang Pang Zi,” she sounded out each syllable.

Pangzi blinked, slightly startled at the direct address. “Yes ma’am?” he acknowledged, looking a tad off balance.

“I’ll admit I was a bit skeptical when I heard that Wu Xie was bringing an outsider into the Wushanju business,” Granny Wu began; her tone stating rather precisely her rather belittling opinion regarding the business prowess of those outside the Wu Clan or the rest of the nine clans. “Whether such a thing was a wise decision or a foolish one remains to be seen; but as you have chosen to stick to my grandson’s side in the midst of such tumultuous times, I will offer no objections for the time being.”

Wu Xie’s nose wrinkled a little at the whole of the sentiment.

Pangzi took it all in stride though; his laissez-faire attitude towards boring things like formalities standing him in good stead. “I am most grateful for the chance to prove myself,” he said; only the sparkle in his eyes belying the outwardly sincere tone.

Granny Wu’s eyes turned to Zhang Qiling next. This time instead of addressing him immediately, the elderly woman made a gesture to her attendant. “Inform the staff that we are nearly ready for the events of the day to begin,” she murmured; then more loudly she added, “Everyone else is dismissed.”

Every guard and staff member seemed to fade into the ether at the words; the courtyard suddenly only occupied by the matriarch and Wu Erbai and the trio.

Granny Wu’s gaze leveled on Zhang Qiling again; every fiber of her seeming to be trying to up the ante on her intimidation factor.

Zhang Qiling didn’t look intimidated. He was very still, his eyes sharp and taking in every detail; and Wu Xie thought for all the mildness of the man’s expression he just exuded the same imperviousness as that statue at the monastery had.

“Zhang Qi Ling,” Granny Wu treated Zhang Qiling’s name in like fashion to how she had Pangzi’s as Zhang Qiling slow blinked at her.

“There is little doubt in my mind that you are the reason that so much tumult has descended upon the Wu Clan. I remember you, I will not say aloud from where, even here in private company; but I have not forgotten the sorts of trouble that came the last time you interfered in our affairs. If not for the memory of my husband’s valuing your friendship, I would have had you turned away at our gates; if not removed from the premises of Wushanju as well at the soonest opportunity.”

Wu Xie’s ire flared fast and hot, tempered only by the sudden shock of realizing the import of his grandmother’s words.

“Grandfather knew Xiǎogē?” he questioned.

“I’m not finished,” Granny Wu interjected sharply; cutting Wu Xie off. “I have no doubt that my grandson’s kidnapping and my third son’s unknown whereabouts also have to do with you having become involved and dragging the Wu Clan back into troubled times. I let you remain here out of common courtesy today; but if I find out that you have brought harm to my son or if you bring harm to Wu Xie, I will hold you personally responsible and there will be hell to pay I assure you of that.”

Wu Xie’s temper boiled over, “How … how can you even say that!” he sputtered angrily. “If not for Xiǎogē, third uncle and I … and all of us would already be…!”

“Wu Xie.”

Zhang Qiling’s quiet murmur and the man’s hand brushing his elbow halted Wu Xie’s outpouring words mid-sentence.

“But Xiǎogē you should let me explain!” Wu Xie said; his blood still running hot at the injustice.

Zhang Qiling just shook his head slightly, the unspoken request clear.

Wu Xie still looked angry, but he shut his mouth; his eyes still holding fire in them as he looked back at his grandmother.

“If you think that I am going to stand idly by while you drag the heir of the Wu Clan into danger, you can think again,” Granny Wu said. “I promise you, I will oppose you.”

Wu Xie clenched and unclenched his fists; his blood nearly boiling with it all. To think that the Huo Clan and Zhang fucking Rishan had agreed to back Zhang Qiling; but his own clan was standing in direct opposition … or it might as well have been if Granny Wu was saying that. “Nobody’s dragging me anywhere,” Wu Xie growled.

Granny Wu opened her mouth to call her grandson to task for rudeness to an elder amongst other things and she might have done if Wu Erbai had not interjected then.

“They are probably ready for us mother,” Wu Xie’s second uncle said; his tone mild. His brief glances towards Zhang Qiling and Wu Xie were confused mostly; but he didn’t deign to engage with the topic that was clearly threatening to become a sort of verbal warzone if it was entertained much longer.

Granny Wu reigned herself in with a final terse look for both her grandson and Zhang Qiling, then she thumped her ornately bejeweled cane on the courtyard cobbles; summoning an attendant to wheel her to the ancestral hall.

Wu Erbai fell into step a few strides behind the wheeled chair; and Wu Xie and co fell in a couple of strides behind, still fuming.

Wu Erbai drifted back farther in the procession to come within earshot of Wu Xie; lowering his voice to avoid being heard by Granny Wu.

“Xiao Xie, what exactly was that all about? And how on earth is your friend at all related to my father?” Wu Erbai’s gaze shifted to Zhang Qiling. “Forgive me but you look to be maybe nineteen, maybe twenty? What is my mother referring to? What sort of trouble?”

Zhang Qiling didn’t say a single word, in fact he had yet to say a single word except his precautionary murmur to Wu Xie; silence in this unfamiliar and apparently vaguely hostile setting seemed to be the order of the day.

“Heck if I know,” Wu Xie said; his tone still sharp.

Thankfully Wu Erbai didn’t attempt to talk him down; his look even vaguely sympathetic after his mother’s cryptic tirade.

Also thankfully, there wasn’t time for Wu Xie’s uncle to press the issue as they drew in sight of the small but ornately decorated ancestral hall with its various burial plaques.   

The official order of the day began, and its ceremonial nature didn’t leave much room or even desire for talking as offerings and greetings were given to the various dearly departed turn by turn.

Eventually Wu Xie’s turn came, and Zhang Qiling and Pangzi accompanied him a step behind again; this time Pangzi displaying a rarely solemn manner and Zhang Qiling just being his normal quiet and reserved self which could lend the appropriate amount of solemnity even to a casual moment when necessary.

Wu Xie even temporarily forgot his anger as he bowed his greeting to both of his parent’s plaques, lighting the three sticks of incense for each and setting them in the respective holders. Even though he didn’t remember them all that well, it was still a sobering experience. The last plaque was harder in many ways though, because he had known and been deeply affected and inspired by his grandfather who had only died 2 years ago now.

Wu Xie made his bow again, lingering briefly as he lit the incense sticks. As he offered his prayer in silence, he thought that no matter what Granny Wu might think, his grandfather would be proud; especially if Wu Lao Gou had been friends with Zhang Qiling strongly enough for Granny Wu to honor that now even in his absence.

Sticking the ends of the incense into the brazier, Wu Xie stepped back and bowed again before exiting the pavilion.

After the ceremony, the argument of earlier was not broached again through the course of the meal; respect for the dead they were honoring on the eve of the new year offering some buffer at least for the more unpleasant topics and chatter that Wu Xie had feared would predominate the day.

He even managed to escape being asked if he intended to marry in the near future.

Back in the van for the ride home, Wu Xie was quiet for a while; content to hold Zhang Qiling’s hand and entertain his own thoughts. But, eventually his mind did turn back to the topic that his grandmother had broached.

“How could you be so calm when she was accusing you like that, Xiǎogē?” he asked; absently playing with Zhang Qiling’s fingers. “Especially when I might have been able to shut up her stupid accusations by telling her about all the stuff you’ve done for us.”

Zhang Qiling was quiet as he considered; his eyes on Wu Xie’s hand as it fiddled with his own.

“I couldn’t answer her question adequately, not without my memories,” he said. “And I don’t begrudge her the sentiment. She’s worried about her son - your uncle, and she’s worried about you. And, as far as I can tell, I am at least partly the reason that the danger is targeting you even if I don’t recall that either.”

“But I could still have told her some; about how you’ve saved our lives, and about how you saved my uncle from going to Golmud after The Paracel Island Tomb that first time. She might not cause trouble for us if she knew all that.”

“What I might or might not have accomplished in the past doesn’t change the fact that my being around you will still endanger you,” Zhang Qiling said. “Sometimes it is better to let actions do the convincing instead of words. Besides, the more she knows about the different situations; the more she and the rest of your family might be put in danger too.”

Wu Xie grimaced a little, then sighed. “I still wish she knew. The Wu Clan should be backing you not trying to put more obstacles in your way.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Zhang Qiling said. “Ultimately their motive is to protect you. The only thing they could try to do is separate us; but since I am determined to stay beside you, and I think you are also determined not to let me go I don’t think they can possibly succeed.”

Wu Xie tried to imagine his grandmother’s men trying to get Zhang Qiling to leave if he didn’t want to and a little chuckle bubbled out of him. “I guess you’re right. They’d hardly be able to go to extreme measures because the whole point of it is to not let me get hurt in the first place; and I can’t think of anyone or anything that could stop you from doing what you wanted.”

“Exactly,” Zhang Qiling said, smoothing his thumb over the back of Wu Xie’s hand. “Let’s not borrow worries to carry with us into the new year. I expect they’ll iron themselves on their own anyway.”

Wu Xie gave a decisive nod and a smile as he agreed. “Okay. No worries of that sort get to follow us into 2004.”

Chapter Text

Liu Sang made his way through the main house of Wushanju just as Pangzi had instructed, heading for the bedroom exit into the private courtyard where Wu Xie, Hei Xiazi, and Zhang Qiling were already sequestered around a cozy firepit.

“Liu Sang!” Wu Xie greeted brightly. “I’m glad you could join us!”

Liu Sang eyed the enthusiastic young man.

Come to think of it, in the last couple of months Wu Xie had started going out of his way to include him more and more in a fashion that was decidedly unsettling.

It was getting harder and harder to maintain a professional distance when the man turned that big eyed, and earnest smile on him.

When he’d agreed to coming to Wushanju, he’d been looking forward only to being closer to his Ǒuxiàng again for a little while. He’d not anticipated that he might also start looking forward to seeing other faces more regularly over the course of the weeks.

Even Pangzi, who was still an unfailing source of teasing and irritation; could not help but show his warm and genuine nature over the course of those weeks, and Liu Sang was finding fewer and fewer excuses to offer when he started being invited to join them more often.

“I mean, its not like I had anything else to do,” Liu Sang said; still making a show of prickliness, though more and more no one seemed to mind that part of him.

“Pull up a chair,” Hei Xiazi said casually; gesturing to the patio chair next to him.

Liu Sang eyed the Zhang Qiling sandwich that had become something of a norm of late … Zhang Qiling sat on the opposite side of Xiazi and Wu Xie sat on his other side.

That was one thing he wished wasn’t as prominent a thing.

With the ongoing love triangle thing that Liu Sang hadn’t quite deciphered yet, it was almost impossible to ever get a private moment with Zhang Qiling.

“Beer?” Hei Xiazi asked, offering a glass bottle towards Liu Sang as he settled.

Liu Sang blinked at the man and accepted it.

“Do you need the bottle opener?” Wu Xie questioned helpfully.

“I’m okay,” Liu Sang said as he unclipped a compact multitool from the waistband of his pants.

“Resourceful,” Hei Xiazi noted with a smirk.

Liu Sang offered a grimace in return as he flipped open the correct tool and pried the cap off the bottle.

“I come bearing gifts!” Pangzi announced as he appeared with a tray piled high with various snacks and holiday themed finger foods.

“Here, I’ll scoot the table closer,” Wu Xie said; leaving his chair momentarily to pull the decorative outdoor table closer to where it was more equidistantly placed in relation to the seating arrangements.

“Thank you much,” Pangzi said; lowering his burden to the available surface. “Does anyone need more drinks?”

“I think we’re good,” Hei Xiazi said with an up nod to the still well stocked cooler.

“You should sit and relax, Pangzi,” Wu Xie said. “We probably won’t be able to finish what you’ve already prepared tonight as it is; and its new years for you too.”

Pangzi glanced once around the space as if double checking that all of his charges were fully taken care of, then he grinned. “I guess I will take a load off then.”

Taking the chair on the side of Wu Xie opposite Zhang Qiling, Pangzi got comfy; arranging one of the fleece blankets that each chair had been equipped with to supplement the fire’s warmth against the coldness of the winter night.

“So, what do we do now?” Hei Xiazi said glibly. “We’re not going to go around sharing our new year’s hopes and resolutions or any of that kind of sappy nonsense, are we?”

“I don’t think its sappy nonsense,” Wu Xie said.

“I’ve usually been more of a mind with Xiazi on this sort of topic,” Pangzi admitted. “But for once I am actually of a mind to reminisce a little.”

“Oh? And what makes you particularly nostalgic this year?” Hei Xiazi prompted skeptically.

“Well,” Pangzi began as he opened a can of some sweet alcoholic beverage or another. “I guess the biggest thing would be that we’re coming up on a year since we met Xiǎogē. It’s January 21^st now, soon to be 22^nd; and we went to that monastery early in February, so it’s very nearly exactly a year. And I can’t say I’ve ever experienced a year quite like this last one. I certainly doubt very many can claim such a life-changing sort of year as we’ve had.”

“It’s hard to believe it has only been a year,” Wu Xie commented; glancing sideways at Zhang Qiling and catching the man’s eyes already on him.

“I wish I could remember when we met …” Zhang Qiling said; at first the words were mostly directed towards Wu Xie, but he ended up including Pangzi, his expression holding appreciation.

“It really was a rather epic meeting,” Pangzi said with a grin. “It certainly set the scene for an equally epic year.”

“I’d like to hear the story,” Liu Sang said.

Wu Xie looked from Liu Sang to Zhang Qiling briefly and Zhang Qiling smiled.

“I’d like to hear it too,” Zhang Qiling agreed.

Wu Xie smiled, more then willing to reminisce. “Well, it started like this…” he began; his eyes shining in the firelight as his he warmed to his topic.

***

Liu Sang forgot to be on guard for a little while as stories were swapped. Even Hei Xiazi shared a couple of stories in spite of his earlier words, and most of them were just lighthearted tidbits that had to do in some way with Zhang Qiling. Afterall just about every event of note during the course of 2003 had involved him in some way or another.

He certainly couldn’t complain about the central topic …

For all the fact that he’d been teased for his idol worship of the man, it was clear that everyone here deeply respected and cared for Zhang Qiling as well.

With Zhang Qiling as the common ground between them, maybe it wouldn’t be all that bad to let himself stop worrying so much about keeping that professional barrier up after all …

“What about you, Liu Sang?” Wu Xie said suddenly; startling Liu Sang from the state of ease he’d been lulled into.

“What about me?” Liu Sang questioned.

“Do you have a favorite memory from this year? Or is there something particularly memorable that you’d like to share?” Wu Xie clarified.

Liu Sang found himself unsettled and momentarily scrambling. There was no way he was going to share his favorite memories because absolutely all of them had to do with Zhang Qiling for reasons that were far less lighthearted and casual as the memories the others had been sharing were. “Memorable?” he opted for that as his tone went a tad dry while he hastily shoved that barrier he’d been momentarily second guessing back into place.

“I guess the most memorable thing would be that my life got absolutely turned upside down since Tamutuo. I’d say that is probably the most memorable considering I’m pretty sure that trip put me on the 10^th family’s radar,” Liu Sang said.

“Way to kill the mood, prickly pear,” Pangzi grumbled; his tone light enough to be teasing.

Liu Sang gave the man a flat look, his mouth opening to return a barbed comment of his own; but Wu Xie interrupted to avoid the potential verbal sparring match that might follow otherwise.

“Oh gosh! It’s almost midnight!” Wu Xie announced. “We almost missed the most important moment. Pangzi do you have the sparklers ready?”

“What about firecrackers?” Hei Xiazi commented.

“I didn’t get any firecrackers, because they’d probably be too loud,” Wu Xie said with a meaningful glance towards Liu Sang.

Not for the first time Liu Sang found himself wondering what exactly had caused the shift of overt thoughtfulness from the man.

“I guess that does make sense,” Hei Xiazi blinked as he recalled the rather pertinent detail about Liu Sang’s sensitive ears.

Liu Sang found that reaction to be one he was far more used to.

“I’ve got the sparklers and a lighter,” Pangzi said in answer to Wu Xie’s earlier prompt; reaching under his chair for the items in question.

Producing the long narrow box, Pangzi took one sparkler for himself and passed the box down the line so that everyone could take one.

Pangzi lit his own sparkler and passed the lighter on in like fashion.

“Wu Xie do you want to direct the count down since you have a watch?” Pangzi questioned.

Wu Xie nodded, consulting his digital watch until the second hand marked 10 seconds to midnight.

“10!” he started.

“9!” the other voices fell in with his.

“8! 7! 6!” The Iron Triangle and friends counted down in unison.

Wu Xie’s shining eyes met Zhang Qiling’s over the brilliance of their sparklers as the countdown continued; and the enthusiastic light reflected in the deep onyx eyes as Zhang Qiling smiled at him.

Pangzi was watching Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling with a smile of his own, his own heart thrilling with the knowledge that all of the angst that had been a part of this past year had managed to culminate like this. Not perfect perhaps … but his two best friends were happy; so, he was happy too.

Hei Xiazi’s eyes were on Zhang Qiling watching the unmarred if reserved happiness there; and he felt a flicker of that dangerous hope again that was mingled almost equally by a deep and abiding expectation for the next proverbial shoe to drop.

Liu Sang mouthed the words, his silence blending into the others enough to go unnoticed as he couldn’t help looking at every face in turn as he wondered once again if, maybe, he didn’t have to protect himself so carefully any longer. Not with these people at least. It was a long way from a decision to let himself be friends with them; but maybe … maybe as the Chinese New Year came, he could let them in just that much.

“3! 2! 1!”

“Happy New Years!” the words emerged from 4 mouths with varying levels of enthusiasm reflecting their respective outlooks on the year to come.

Chapter Text

As the last of the sparklers burned themselves out and a final round of drinks and toasts was made, the night or rather the morning seemed to be drawing to its close; the official revelries of the gathering at an end.

“Does anybody want to watch a movie or play a board game or something as we wind down?” Pangzi questioned. “It’s still early for my usual bedtime at least, so I’m game for whatever.”

Zhang Qiling looked to Wu Xie at almost the same instant as the younger man looked towards him, no doubt to see what his thoughts were on the matter.

Zhang Qiling didn’t say anything; but his hand slipped silently into Wu Xie’s, entwining their fingers together as his eyes held a subtle meaningfulness that he thought Wu Xie might understand.

“I think Xiǎogē and I are going to call it a night,” Wu Xie said.

“Have to start the year off right with some canoodling, eh?” Pangzi teased.

Wu Xie grimaced and Pangzi laughed, holding his hands up in surrender.

“What about the rest of you?” Pangzi asked Hei Xiazi and Liu Sang.

Liu Sang had gotten distracted by the implications of Pangzi’s words and had to recall himself to the present. “Huh? Oh, uh, I mean I don’t have any other plans so sure.”

“I’m game,” Hei Xiazi said.

“Excellent,” Pangzi grinned. “Shall we play a game out here or migrate to the living room?”

“Livingroom might be best,” Hei Xiazi said with a surreptitious glance between Liu Sang, Wu Xie, and Zhang Qiling respectively. “Else we might need to break out the headphones,” he added that last bit under his breath.

“What was that?” Pangzi questioned.

“Oh nothing,” Hei Xiazi said, as Liu Sang glanced at him. Clearly the one the words had been meant for had heard.

Liu Sang had been getting that vibe and was grateful that Hei Xiazi was actually remembering his ears this time.

“All right, living room it is,” Pangzi said.

Zhang Qiling eased smoothly to his feet, his hand still tangled with Wu Xie’s; and he looked down into the face that was immediately raised to him, briefly admiring the warm glow of the firelight on the smooth skin and the spark it put in those big brown eyes.

“What did you want to do, Xiǎogē?” Wu Xie asked. He’d been able to tell that Zhang Qiling wanted some quiet time alone with him which was hardly a rare thing; but the precise motives were a mystery to him even if they no longer were to just about anyone else.

“Let’s go to our attic,” Zhang Qiling murmured.

Wu Xie smiled and nodded, rising too. He wasn’t precisely sure when the attic he’d decorated to be a special place for Zhang Qiling had become ‘ours’, but the distinction gave him a warm and pleased feeling whenever he heard it.

Zhang Qiling led the way, making a slow but intentional beeline to the garden gatehouse where the press of a button began to lower the stairs. As the hydraulics did their thing, he turned to Wu Xie who looked at him with openness and curiosity.

Zhang Qiling cupped Wu Xie’s jaw with both hands, stilling him and steadying him as he leaned in and pressed his lips to the soft mouth.

Wu Xie was momentarily surprised but he surrendered almost immediately, his lips parting to revel in the unexpectedly deep and tender nature of the contact; Zhang Qiling’s warm tongue brushing his, their hot breath mingling.

Zhang Qiling broke the kiss at the sound of the steps settling into place, glimpsing Wu Xie’s color-tinged cheeks and shining eyes. With a small smile, Zhang Qiling claimed Wu Xie’s hand again, drawing the still slightly distracted man with him up the stairs and into the attic proper.

“Did you turn the heat on earlier?” Wu Xie noted with a blink. The normal chill of the poorly insulated space was a comfortable temperature instead, the floor unit humming as it warmed the room.

“Mmm,” Zhang Qiling affirmed; slowly directing Wu Xie towards the pile of pillows and blankets.

The string lights provided the bulk of the illumination, lending a soft magic to the space; and Wu Xie noticed that electric candles were flickering in a couple of places. His eyes also caught sight of the two neatly folded towels placed close to the blankets, a discrete squeeze bottle of something else set beside them.

As Wu Xie’s brain connected the dots, his heart began to speed up with nervousness and excitement.

Zhang Qiling watched the play of everything on Wu Xie’s speaking expression; watching the moment that Wu Xie realized the specifics of his new year’s plan.

Wu Xie raised those shining eyes to his, then dropped; his mannerisms turning almost shy.

Zhang Qiling reached out and tipped Wu Xie’s chin up with his fingers, tilting the young man’s face up enough so he could press his lips to the vivid pink ones again.

This time Wu Xie leaned into the kiss in return, one hand shifting forward to tangle into the soft woolen front of Zhang Qiling’s chunky white sweater.  

Zhang Qiling’s free hand found the zipper of Wu Xie’s jacket, deftly undoing it and pushing the garment off of Wu Xie’s shoulders; and Wu Xie had to let go for a moment to let the sleeves slide free of his arms.

For a reluctant moment, Zhang Qiling released Wu Xie’s lips; lingering close as he tugged his sweater over his head, followed by his t-shirt. Then his fingers started at the buttons of Wu Xie’s shirt.

Wu Xie chewed on his lower lip, his own breathing echoing the slightly heated and elevated cadence stirring Zhang Qiling’s chest as he watched. Reaching out, Wu Xie brushed his fingers to the velvet smoothness of the man’s body; touching the faint hints of the shadow of Zhang Qiling’s tattoo beginning to appear over his pectoral muscle, smoothing his fingers and palm over where it was slowly fading in along his collar bone and shoulder.

The last button came free, necessitating that Wu Xie break the contact again as Zhang Qiling removed his shirt.

Briefly impatient, Zhang Qing shifted a hand behind to low on Wu Xie’s back; pulling the young man’s hips forward and yanking Wu Xie’s body firmly against his own.

Wu Xie gasped softly, the hints of roughness making unexpected things happen as his body began to respond before they’d even really gotten started with anything.

Zhang Qiling kissed Wu Xie again more deeply this time, his tongue not just brushing teasingly against Wu Xie’s and instead tangling with it as he kept their lower bodies firmly pressed together; the contact deliberate and suggestive. He was purposely bold and decisive … after all he’d decided he wanted to give this side of himself to Wu Xie fully at long last; and whether he remembered it or not, he was still the person who was very determined to do whatever he had decided to do.

Wu Xie felt like a fire had been set inside his body; a heat of passion flaring to life that made him feel hot all over, like maybe he could have done without the heater running … and like even being half clothed was still too much. Wu Xie’s hands found Zhang Qiling’s body again, touching distractedly as his mouth was firmly ravaged and his lower body started to ache in the confines of his pants; his mind a haze of hormones and powerful urges.

“Xiǎogē …” he gasped softly when he was finally permitted a breath.

“Mmm?” Zhang Qiling murmured, sounding a bit breathless himself.

Wu Xie’s hands drifted of their own accord, brushing at the waistband of Zhang Qiling’s jeans where they rested low on those slender hips.

“I want … I want you …” Wu Xie breathed; not even caring if the words sounded needy or silly. Not caring about much else beyond the bubble of magic that Zhang Qiling had created with his confident touches and kisses.

Zhang Qiling laughed, the sound low and soft; pleasure and something like triumph mingling together in the sound.

“Okay …” he murmured in reply, his hands shifting to loosen the button of his pants; his fingers undoing the zipper. He took a moment to toe off his shoes and socks before gratifying Wu Xie’s wish and slipping out of his pants and boxers all together; stepping free of them and standing close to Wu Xie clothed only in what soft shadows the lighting provided.

He wasn’t content to be the only one on full display though, his own hands moving to Wu Xie’s pants. He got Wu Xie’s garments dropped to his ankles, but instead of letting the young man assist with the footwear; he directed Wu Xie to sit and lay back on the cushions, taking it upon himself to see to the logistics of everything.

Wu Xie lay back feeling deliciously heady with all of it, his overthinking brain nowhere in evidence as he watched Zhang Qiling kneel at his feet to free him of his shoes and socks before tugging the clothing the rest of the way free. There was something hot about the impatience displayed by the lack of Zhang Qiling’s usually meticulous way of setting things aside; and the knowledge that he was the reason for that impatience … that Zhang Qiling was impatient to be intimate with him … gave him that feeling he’d felt in that white suit, feeling beautiful and valued by the look on the man’s face.

 Zhang Qiling shimmied up to lay alongside Wu Xie; propping himself up on an elbow so he could look down into Wu Xie’s flushed face with those lips looking as if they’d been thoroughly kissed, and those blown wide pupils dominating that shining and almost spellbound gaze that met his own.

A brief inward check of his own body and mind’s response to the whole situation revealed only good things. There were no qualms even as the most prominent sign of his own arousal pressed against Wu Xie’s thigh. There were no hints of a desire to dissociate or de-realize from the experience.

Zhang Qiling leaned close to press a briefer kiss to Wu Xie’s tender lips before pulling slightly back and giving him a gentle smile. “Happy new year …” he sighed the words contentedly.

Wu Xie let out a soft and breathless laugh.

“The happiest …” he murmured, one of his hands shifting to touch Zhang Qiling’s body again; drawn like a magnet to a lodestone.

Zhang Qiling let his own hand rest on Wu Xie’s leg, slowly sliding it upwards; his warm touch stroking along Wu Xie’s inner thigh and steadily closer to the evidence of Wu Xie’s own arousal.

Wu Xie drew in a more pronounced breath as the heat of Zhang Qiling’s hand brushed the side of where his penis connected to his groin. But instead of going for the partially hard length where any of their sexual play had been focused in the past, Zhang Qiling shifted past; the back of his hand slightly shifting Wu Xie’s member aside as his fingers sought a different target.

Zhang Qiling just brushed the tip of his sensitive index finger against Wu Xie’s opening; gently rimming him, then pressing slightly and pulsing his fingertip against the tight ring.

Wu Xie’s hips shifted back reflexively pressing into the touch as his dick jumped and twitched at the unfamiliar sensation of having that area teased.

“Is it okay?” Zhang Qiling asked, but a knowing smile was already playing with his lips.

“I want it!” Wu Xie said immediately, innocent earnestness accompanying the words. “I want you.”

Zhang Qiling half choked on a chuckle. “You’re almost too cute to handle sometimes,” he said, and as Wu Xie blinked at him in confusion he just smiled.

Disengaging just long enough to snag the bottle that Wu Xie had noticed before, Zhang Qiling settled back into place; popping the cap and squeezing a generous amount of gel-like lubricant onto his fingers.

“Will it hurt?” Wu Xie asked, though any nervousness about that aspect was almost entirely lost in that earnestness.

“It might since you’re not used to it,” Zhang Qiling said. “I will be gentle and go slow. But if it hurts too much to be pleasurable tell me please.”

Wu Xie nodded, getting distracted as Zhang Qiling’s hand eased between his legs again.

Zhang Qiling rimmed the tense opening again, this time applying the gel.

“It tingles,” Wu Xie said; shifting his hips a little. “It feels weird.” At Zhang Qiling’s glance he hastened to add, “Not bad. Just weird.”

Zhang Qiling’s lips twitched, gentle amusement continuing to play with the corners of his mouth as he pulsed his lube-slick fingertip against Wu Xie’s anus again; just pressing and releasing a little, increasing the pressure slightly each time while also providing some stimulation to hopefully help keep the arousal chemicals flowing strong enough to ease whatever discomfort might come.

Wu Xie eventually squirmed, his hips pressing back into the contact more; wanting something he could not have named. Wanting more was the sense of it; though he couldn’t have said precisely what more he wanted.

At least he couldn’t have said up until the moment that pressure became enough for Zhang Qiling’s index finger to enter him; slipping smoothly and deeply into his body.

Wu Xie gasped softly again, arching slightly as his hips tilted instinctively to angle his passage. His bare chest began to rise and fall more rapidly, and his cock jumped again responding easily to the sensation of being slightly full while knowing it was Zhang Qiling inside of him.

Zhang Qiling watched Wu Xie’s expressions and reactions; his own dick aching where it pressed between his groin and Wu Xie’s thigh. The subtle signs of Wu Xie’s pleasure added to his own; a sense of satisfaction joining arousal. That feeling of almost triumph stirred again as he kept tally of each successful moment.

Wiggling his finger inside Wu Xie’s tightness, Zhang Qiling began nudging his other finger against the gripping opening. He went slow as he’d promised, using the relatively comfortable size of the singular invasion to stimulate Wu Xie further and help ready him for the inevitable stretch that would be necessitated by another.

Wu Xie murmured and squirmed more; his hands gripping into his thighs as an intensity of feeling began climbing in his body as Zhang Qiling’s second finger pressed and teased at him and then finally slipped past his defenses and inside. Wu Xie bit down on his bottom lip, moaning softly as his body went from the sensation of being oddly but pleasantly occupied to distended. He was in entirely new territory now, his lower body straining as he was opened farther than he’d ever been in his life.

“Just try to relax,” Zhang Qiling murmured in understanding. He offered the assistance of distraction, dipping down to tease one of Wu Xie’s nipples with his tongue; swirling the dark areola and then diddling the little nub as Wu Xie continued to unconsciously shift and pant. Continuing his attentions to Wu Xie’s chest, Zhang Qiling wiggled his fingers as he slipped that middle finger in as far as it would go to join the first; stretching and stroking the inner walls of the tight passage, and eventually adopting a slow fucking motion as he slid his fingers part way out and back in.  He nipped Wu Xie’s nipple as he targeted the young man’s prostate with his fingertips.

Wu Xie mewed and whispered a half-whined “Fffuuccckkk…” his entire body shuddering.

With Wu Xie’s penis standing at full mast, Zhang Qiling was satisfied with the prep work; easing his fingers from inside Wu Xie’s body.

Wu Xie immediately groaned, though for a very different reason then the discomfort before.

“Just one moment,” Zhang Qiling soothed. He moved to his knees, wiping his hand off on one of the towels. Taking up the lubricant again, Zhang Qiling took hold of himself; gently giving a couple rubs to his full length as he coated himself in preparation as he shifted to position himself between Wu Xie’s thighs.

Wu Xie looked up at him; his lips slightly parted around heated and heavy breaths, his eyes on Zhang Qiling’s body as his own body ached from its preparation and simultaneously missed the fullness that had stoked him to a foreign height of stimulation that seemed impossible to contain.

Shifting, Zhang Qiling arranged himself; directing his glans with his fingers and pressing it to Wu Xie’s virgin entry. He had a modest girth and length, but it was thicker than the combined fingers by at least another finger’s width and a bit longer; so, he was back to being slow and gentle even as Wu Xie scrabbled at his shoulders, fingers gripping and curling into him with the pent-up sensations of the pain and pleasure combining into a magnitude of physical experience.

With a soft release, Wu Xie’s body opened for him, and Zhang Qiling slid in slowly; fitting himself to Wu Xie’s body to the hilt, feeling the passage clench and grip around him. Wu Xie clung onto him with soft overwhelmed whimpers and heated moans; fingernails digging at his shoulder blades.

Zhang Qiling just stayed as he was; fully sheathed in Wu Xie’s body as he gave the young man time to adjust to it all. His hips ached to start claiming his pleasure, but he did not move; instead, he murmured soothing sounds as he lingered close, his forehead resting against Wu Xie’s as he watched the expressions and listened to the sounds.

Gradually the tension that was nearly tight enough to hurt eased around Zhang Qiling’s cock. Wu Xie still fit him like a slightly too snug glove, but the instinctive tensing resistance to the unusual invasion subsided.

Wu Xie was still panting as he opened scrunched shut eyes, some of the mindlessness of that initial overwhelm passing as he looked up into Zhang Qiling’s face.

“Are you okay?” Zhang Qiling asked; keeping still, just letting his body rest inside Wu Xie’s; ignoring the urges and demands of his own sex for a couple minutes more.

“I think so,” Wu Xie said. “It’s a little easier now.”

Zhang Qiling pressed his lips to Wu Xie’s forehead, then the tip of his nose which made Wu Xie laugh softly; finally, he kissed Wu Xie’s lips again. Returning nearly forehead to forehead again he studied Wu Xie’s face, drinking in every single detail. “You are so beautiful to me …” he breathed suddenly; the words coming freely and holding a depth of genuine feeling.

A happy smile slid across Wu Xie’s face and he linked his arms around Zhang Qiling’s neck. His unguarded expression held love and trust, even if he couldn’t find the words to return in this moment.

Zhang Qiling lingered for a handful of seconds more before asking “Are you ready?”

Wu Xie nodded, his hips shifting as he spread his thighs a little more.

Zhang Qiling smiled and shifted himself for ideal access before beginning a slow slide out from Wu Xie’s body, then back in; his lower body pressing into Wu Xie as deeply as was physically possible. He slid out, then in, out, then in; his glutes tensing with the vigor of each inward push.

At first Wu Xie gripped onto Zhang Qiling again, his muscles resisting uncomfortably out of unfamiliarity; but with the slow coaxing of the steady motions, the pleasure began to rapidly climb beyond the pain and the overstuffed feeling. His hands began exploring Zhang Qiling’s torso again; his desire to touch reemerging from the maelstrom; mostly just luxuriating the silken smoothness of the man’s skin, though sometimes following the lines of a tattoo distractedly or brushing and tweaking one or another nipple.

He remembered what Zhang Qiling had said about having him touch that psychologically significant right nipple and Wu Xie’s fingers found it; pressing and rubbing at it, not pinching it or trying to cause any sharp sensation, just touching and stimulating it.

Zhang Qiling’s murmur of appreciation near his ear was very satisfying.

Eventually though, conscious thought dissolved into the heightening sensation again and Wu Xie began to pant and gasp. Zhang Qiling’s rhythm left soft and became firm; the soft slap of their bodies connecting keeping time to Wu Xie’s grunts and mewls.

Wu Xie’s penis was trapped between their bellies and each shift of Zhang Qiling’s body stroked it; the persistent targeting of his prostate hardly needed to coax the fully hard member to the edge of release, but that other sensation as Zhang Qiling purposely began to pummel that internal spot with each pass put Wu Xie right back into the place of overwhelm, though it was an overwhelm of mostly pleasure this time.  

“Ahhh shit …! Fuck … fuck me!” Wu Xie gasped the words with hardly any actual intention to do so; the tone becoming shriller in pitch and whine-like as he felt certain that he must explode; every fiber of him feeling like it was about to be obliterated by the immensity of the build.

And then there was a feeling like he’d passed some unseen threshold; not his body, but his mind … that part of him that was so deeply in tuned with Zhang Qiling and had been becoming more in tune by the day. He was suddenly aware not just of his own sensations but he could feel the sensations washing through Zhang Qiling’s body too.

It was some sort of feedback loop, Zhang Qiling’s pleasure and stimulation flooding into Wu Xie’s awareness and Wu Xie’s flooding into Zhang Qiling’s like they shared one body.

Wu Xie couldn’t have analyzed what was going on if he’d had the presence of mind to try, which he didn’t; his eyes rolling with the force of the otherworldly experience.

Zhang Qiling gasped, his head nestling against Wu Xie’s neck as he agreed with Wu Xie’s unconsciously verbalized sentiments with a soft drawn-out moan sounding deep in his throat. He rarely made as much sound but he made it now as his member strained, pulsed, and then exploded; his own control being countermanded by the flood of Wu Xie’s sensations on top of his own.

Wu Xie didn’t last any longer either, his penis twitching on his belly as he came; decorating his and Zhang Qiling’s skin as he cried out, his legs hooking around Zhang Qiling’s hips as if to hold him closer – though closer was a bit of impossibility when Zhang Qiling was already buried inside of him as deeply as he could go.

Zhang Qiling’s hips pulsed, his buttocks tensing and releasing as he eked out every drop of his orgasm with almost total abandon; thought obliterated in the wave after wave sweeping through the strange and simultaneously familiar link that had formed between himself and Wu Xie. He lost himself in Wu Xie as Wu Xie was losing himself in him; for a moment no distinction of physical experience existed to separate them as two individuals instead of one completed whole.

Eventually their respective bodies had to come down from it all; Wu Xie’s physicality especially being almost completely overpowered by the experience, a limited human body experiencing something that was very not human and forceful enough to cause even Zhang Qiling to lose control.

Zhang Qiling got a bit of clarity back first, separating out of the odd oneness; murmuring “Wu Xie …” again and again in soft ecstatic whispers against Wu Xie’s skin where his neck and shoulder met.

Wu Xie’s wordless exclamations began to quiet as his eyes stopped trying to roll back in his head; his toes uncurled and his fingers released their death grip on Zhang Qiling’s shoulders, his cramping thighs releasing their grip on Zhang Qiling’s hips as he sagged limply beneath the man; gulping air desperately.

Zhang Qiling’s soft sex was still fitted to Wu Xie’s body; but seeing the exhausted shock on Wu Xie’s face, he let himself slip free as he shifted up and off of the young man to return to laying beside him as his own breathing gradually deescalated.

Zhang Qiling didn’t say anything at first, mostly because he was too breathless to start. He watched Wu Xie’s face as the young man blinked and processed and began to slowly recenter back in reality.

“Are you okay?” Zhang Qiling asked when Wu Xie looked lucid again.

“Yeah, I think so,” Wu Xie said in a quavering voice.    

 Zhang Qiling gave him more time, just offering soothing touches and keeping watch as Wu Xie reacclimated more.

“What was that?” Wu Xie finally said; signifying that he really was okay with the return of curiosity.

A slight furrow appeared between Zhang Qiling’s eyebrows as he considered the answer to that question himself. “I’m not entirely sure, as I don’t remember exactly. If I had to guess its some sort of telempathetic link. It seemed familiar like I’ve experienced something similar before or at least used to understand what it meant, though I don’t think I’ve experienced it since before Golmud as I can’t remember an actual circumstance of it. It’s not something that’s happened with Xiazi, at least I’m reasonably certain it hasn’t.”  

 “Why did it happen with us? With me?” Wu Xie questioned softly; trying not to show the pleasure he felt at having something unique with Zhang Qiling that even Hei Xiazi didn’t share.

“It probably has something to do with how sensitive you are,” Zhang Qiling said. “Maybe you’re even more sensitive than we thought,” he traced his finger over the slight muscle definition of Wu Xie’s chest.

Wu Xie considered, his thoughts going inward a little; more focused on the feel of his body than his overthinking mind for once.

“I can still feel you …” Wu Xie breathed, mixed overwhelm and wonder touching his tone. He could quite literally feel the afterglow of their joining in Zhang Qiling’s body; though it was already fainter than it had been in those moments when they’d been feeling the fullness of each other. Wu Xie could separate his own physical sensations from Zhang Qiling’s now; but he was definitely still feeling feedback through the psychometric link lingering between them.

After a brief inward check Zhang Qiling nodded. “It’s fading a bit, but I can feel you too.”

Wu Xie drew a slow breath that was still a little unsteady.

“Did it frighten you?” Zhang Qiling asked.

Wu Xie didn’t answer immediately; wanting to answer honestly while simultaneously feeling a bit scrambled about what he was or was not feeling. “It’s an intense thing, but I think I might be able to get used to it with practice,” he said finally.

Zhang Qiling choked on a laugh like he had before. “So, you’re not opposed to practicing?” his lips switched at the word which might just become an inside joke or private innuendo for them in the future.

“I knew this might be a learning experience, the intense bit was a bit of an unexpected addition; but yes, I’m okay with practicing,” Wu Xie said as his lips quirked up at the corners. "Who knows, my unofficial lessons with Min might help us figure out some more things as a result too."

"I don't need input from Almindreda to confirm what we already know at least," Zhang Qiling said. 

"What's that?" Wu Xie asked. 

"That you are very, very special," Zhang Qiling said; stealing a kiss from those quirking lips. "And, it turns out, its not just because you've been special to me for as long as I can remember." 

Wu Xie instantly beamed with bashful pleasure.

“Stay put a second,” Zhang Qiling said as he snagged the towel he’d used before to clean himself up; then he used the clean one to help Wu Xie get as clean as he was going to get short of a shower.

Finally, he snagged a fresh blanket to drape across them both as he returned to settle in beside Wu Xie once more.

Wu Xie shifted grunting a little as stiff and tender places protested, but he wasn’t going to miss a chance to snuggle in close to Zhang Qiling and he did, pillowing his head on Zhang Qiling’s tattooed chest.

Zhang Qiling passed his fingers through Wu Xie’s sweat-damp hair as the younger man fell asleep almost immediately. He studied the tired and peaceful features as his own heart thrilled.

He had won …

Golmud had stolen something from him, and he had reclaimed it.

No doubt there would be other challenges, but in this one area he had emerged victorious after 20 years of struggling.

Or was it more like 26?

Zhang Qiling let the considerations of time distortions and the psychological cracks surrounding them fade into the background as he let himself tap into the physical sensations of lingering pleasure and the focus of Wu Xie’s face.

“Happy new year, Wu Xie,” Zhang Qiling breathed the words a final time; letting unadulterated hope and determination fill him as his meandering thoughts turned to the year to come.