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Chapter Text

             Adrian shook his head, still smiling. “I’ve said over and over, I’d do anything for you. I just keep hoping it’ll be something like, ‘Adrian, let’s go hot tubbing’ or ‘Adrian, take me out for fondue.’”
            “Well, sometimes we have to–did you say fondue?” Sometimes it was impossible to follow Adrian’s train of thought. “Why in the world would I ever say that?”
            He shrugged. “I like fondue.”

- Adrian Ivashkov, Sydney Sage
The Indigo Spell, 120

The days following Sydney’s capture by her own father were filled with despair and helplessness. I didn’t know much about re-education—mainly because Sydney, who had always been so afraid of being sent there, didn’t even know much about it other than that it was awful—but I knew that must be where she was. After Eddie’s report of the sheer number of Alchemists who had come to take her in, and their unabashed willingness to commit murder, I could only assume that if there were levels of re-education, she must be in the worst one. I tried endlessly to reach spirit, sleeping rarely as I pleaded with a god I didn’t even worship—Sydney’s God—to get the medication that blocked me from spirit out of my system faster.

When finally—after a week that felt like forever—I felt the first stirrings of spirit in me, I nearly wept in relief. Surely now that I had it back, now that I could reach her in her dreams, she could tell me where she was, and I would find her and get her out. The anguish I felt when I was never able to reach her no matter how long I stayed in the trance-like state required of spirit dream was unlike any low I had ever experienced before. I wondered at first if it was the medication that was affecting me, if the mood stabilizers had somehow permanently taken my spirit dreams from me. But everything else was there: Jill—unfortunately for us both—was firmly back in my head, I could heal people and rapidly grow plants, I could see auras, my compulsion was stronger by far than any non-spirit-user, I could imbue ordinary objects with spirit, and I could still throw things around with my mind.

The telekinesis wasn’t a facet of spirit that I was overly fond of; it was actually one of the main reasons I had taken to self-medicating with cigarettes and alcohol at such a young age, aside from the depression and completely unhinged moments I was prone to when in a spirit spiral. When I was fifteen, back when Aunt Tatiana and her researchers were still trying to figure out all they could about my mysterious magical specialization, I had fallen into a deep well of despair and was pushed just a bit too far by a romantic rival and before I knew what had happened, before I even thought much about it, he was fifty feet away, slumped unconscious against the brick wall my spirit had flung him into. He was in the hospital for almost a week and the only thing that saved me from the consequences of my actions was the fact that no one—though there had been plenty of onlookers—could explain what had happened. I hadn’t laid a finger on the guy, and no one at that point knew that I had specialized in some weird, ultra-rare non-elemental magic. After that, I’d made a point to not utilize the telekinesis if I could help it.

As far as I knew, I was the only spirit user with that particular skill, though I really only knew a handful of others and we each had our own strengths within our specialization. Lissa could heal better than any of the rest us, Sonya could see and interpret auras without any effort, and Avery Lazar had been able to mask her aura and her spirit from Lissa and me until Rose had realized what was going on and tipped me off, and none of them could form a spirit dream the way that I could. None of those were things that the rest of us couldn’t do, just that we couldn’t do as well. None of them had ever mentioned or displayed telekinesis, but neither had I in front of them, so it could be that they, like me, preferred to pretend it didn’t exist. Or maybe they didn’t know it was possible or they simply couldn’t do it. The only other male spirit user that I knew of was Robert Dashkov, who had lost his mind before Rose had accidentally killed him. I never had the chance to meet him and wasn’t particularly put out by that; I didn’t need another reminder of what my future looked like if I didn’t get spirit in check.

Even though I hated the telekinesis, I knew it was back because I had tested it when I was unable to connect with Sydney, throwing spirit out from me as a physical force to turn the TV off. When that worked, I’d tested my spirit dreams on someone else after days, maybe even weeks, of no success reaching Sydney. When Marcus Finch appeared in front of me, I knew it wasn’t spirit that was the problem. It was Sydney; somehow the Alchemists were keeping me out of her head.

I couldn’t allow myself to entertain any other possibility; it would absolutely destroy me, break me past the point of rebuilding myself, if there wasn’t even the slightest possibility of a reunion with her. It didn’t make sense, anyway. Why chase her through the dark, through the brush, brandishing guns, threatening to kill Eddie to capture her if they only wanted to end her life after all? They could have just done it then and there and washed their hands of this whole mess. The only logical option left was that her mind was being blocked from me even in sleep. I recalled the way I’d struggled to make that connection with Rose when she’d been high on Strigoi venom both times she’d been captured, first along with her friends in Spokane and then again in Russia with Dimitri. I knew the Alchemists weren’t using Strigoi or Moroi venom, but that didn’t mean they were against non-magical means of mind-alteration.

Sydney was being drugged, and there was nothing I could do to find her. Marcus had a list of Alchemist properties that he had some people looking into, but it was a long list and by his estimate it would be over a year before they were able to clear every location. The more time passed, the more desperate and hopeless I felt.

My brilliant, beautiful boy. You’ll figure a way out of this mess.

Oh, yeah. Along with the magic also came the return of my murdered aunt’s voice in my head, which didn’t exactly bode well for my sanity.

“Adrian.”

Jill’s soft voice shook me out of my trance and I turned to squint up at her; even with my sunglasses on, the bright light of the sun behind her threatened to blind me. I wasn’t drunk; it was a constant temptation without the mood stabilizers to numb the negative effects of so much spirit, but I wouldn’t risk cutting myself off from my only possible means of contacting Sydney. Even without the alcohol, I was still walking around in a haze; I hadn’t slept much since Sydney had disappeared. An hour or two here or there if I was lucky.

“Jailbait,” I said, blinking rapidly against the burn of the sun. “Is it time for the results?”

She shook her head, smiling shyly. “They already announced everything; I passed.”

We were at Amberwood; Jill had participated in a fashion show that would count for half of her final grade for her sewing class. It wasn’t a competition, so it wasn’t like first place won an A and last place failed, but her teacher was just assigning grades at will to everyone who participated. It was a strange concept to me, and I knew if Sydney had been here, she would have been downright discombobulated by the lack of logic to it all.

What’s the necessity of the fashion show? Why not just display the designs on mannequins as usual? What if the models don’t show off the items with equal skill? How is it fair for that to reflect on the designer?

But Jill modeled her own clothes and Eddie, after much convincing, had agreed to model the male outfit she had designed with him in mind. With those two striding down the catwalk, there really hadn’t been much competition and though Sydney would have originally been concerned about fairness for all of the student designers, I knew she would have been proud to see Jill and Eddie up there destroying the meaningless non-competition.

“They already announced it?” How long had I been sitting out here trying to no avail to reach Sydney? Still blinking up at her, I frowned in shame. I had come to support Jill and I had missed the results. Sydney would be so disappointed in me. “Why didn’t anyone come get me?”

Why worry over something so trivial when you are achieving your own greatness? Tatiana crooned in my mind.

Valiantly ignoring the intrusive thought I was sure she had caught, Jill took my hand in hers as she sat down next to me on the bench. It wasn’t until our fingers were intertwined that I realized I was drenched in sweat and likely red all over from the sun. “I told them to leave you alone,” she said with a sad smile. “I knew you were trying to find Sydney, and that’s more important than you hearing the results. You were there for the runway, and that’s the part that counts.” She paused as she studied me with a worried frown. “But maybe they should have come to get you out of the sun anyway. You’re going to need to visit Clarence’s early with that burn.”

We went weekly to visit Clarence Donahue and his live-in feeder and caregiver Dorothy, both to keep the old, isolated Moroi company, and to sate our need for blood with Dorothy’s generosity. Her cooking was terribly bland and had been one of many sources of my discontent when we had all first come to Palm Springs, but her blood was as good as any feeder’s, and she certainly appreciated the high she got from my and Jill’s fangs.

“I’m fine,” I said, but it was no use lying to Jill, who knew my thoughts and could interpret my feelings better than I could these days. She raised one sculpted eyebrow, so like my own in both shape and color that I sometimes wondered if her father was a different unfaithful royal and maybe she was an Ivashkov rather than a Dragomir, but Court officials had long since confirmed her paternity. I sighed. “I’ll go tonight.”

“I wish we were siblings,” she said, catching my fleeting thought and leaning against me with no concern for the sweat pouring off me. “You’re a better pretend brother than Lissa is a real sister anyway.”

“Would have made that crush of yours a lot more awkward for both of us if I was your brother,” I said lightly. She had once harbored a sizeable crush on me. It was nothing meaningful, just the infatuation of a young girl for an older, handsome guy who was kind to her. It had been painfully obvious, so much so that I hadn’t even needed to read the interest in her aura. She had long since stopped harboring a crush on me—our spirit bond had squashed the last remnants of those feelings—but the fact that she now wished we were siblings said a lot for how drastically things had changed in such a short time.

“Oh, shut up,” Jill said, rolling her eyes at me. “You know what I mean. At least you care about me.”

“Lissa’s trying her best,” I said softly.

“You don’t have to make excuses for her, Adrian. I know how you really feel about the situation,” Jill reminded me.

Honestly, Lissa’s reaction to finding out she had a half-sister had been frustrating. I understood that it was difficult for her to come to terms with the fact that her happy family had been an illusion and Jill’s paternity coming to light had effectively shattered that, but it wasn’t Jill’s fault. And though I knew that Lissa had a lot on her plate, I did think that her sending Jill off to California, while technically and understandably for Jill’s own safety, felt a bit like brushing the uncomfortable truth under the rug. The fact that Lissa rarely, if ever, called Jill to check up on her only made matters worse. In fact, I was pretty sure that the three or four times she had checked in with me was more than she had reached out to Jill in the nearly full year since we’d been here. Jill had called Lissa several times since Sydney had gone missing, I knew, to beg for help, but Lissa wouldn’t hear it.

She was the Moroi queen, sure, and this was an uncomfortable situation for both girls to be in, but Lissa was the older of the two, and she hadn’t been the one to have her entire life flipped upside down and uprooted only to be targeted and murdered in an attempt to invalidate her own throne and then have her life completely uprooted yet again, all in the space of less than two months. That was Jill, and it seemed to me that the first move at building a relationship between the sisters should fall on Lissa, as the older more powerful, arguably less affected of the two. Add to that the fact that she refused to speak to Jill about Sydney, and I wasn’t exactly my queen’s biggest fan at the moment, even if she was one of my best friends.

“So, her best isn’t very good right now,” I said with a half-hearted shrug, trying for diplomatic. She was still my friend and though I could think these damning thoughts about her in this regard, I wasn’t going to voice them to Jill, even if she could read my mind. “At least she’s keeping you safe.”

“Yeah, but that’s just to protect her throne,” Jill said sadly.

“I don’t think it’s only about her throne,” I pointed out. She had arranged for three guardians and a powerful spirit user to be here with Jill in sunny Palm Springs, California where no one would think to look for the Moroi princess to be hidden. It was overkill, and it definitely wasn’t just to keep Lissa in power.

“Whatever.” Jill gave a shrug that mirrored the one-shouldered movement I had made earlier. “Oh, is your phone still broken?”

Grimacing, I nodded. A day or so ago—it was difficult for me to keep track of the days now—I had woken from sleep after nodding off failing to reach Sydney and thrown the first thing I could get my hands on across the room, just barely missing Trey Juarez, who was rooming with me after his dad had stopped paying for him to board at Amberwood, as he walked in the door after school. That happened to be my cell phone, which now had a shattered screen and would no longer power on.

“I talked to Christian earlier.” While Lissa wasn’t the best at keeping up with her sister, her boyfriend Christian Ozera was much better about it. He and Jill had bonded over a shared interest in using Moroi magic to fight Strigoi before they even knew about her connection to Lissa, and as far as I knew he called to catch up with Jill about once a week. It was likely he updated Lissa on what was going on with Jill often, but that shouldn’t excuse her from catching up with her isolated little sister herself. “He said that your father’s been hounding Lissa since he doesn’t know where you are beyond being on a mission set by the queen. Apparently he’s been trying to call you and he thinks you’re ignoring him. He’s very agitated.”

“Really?” My dad never called me unless he wanted to chide me over my most recent failures as a son. In fact, I hadn’t heard from him in months. It wasn’t surprising that he was agitated—my father was usually unhappy whenever he had to speak to me—but it was shocking that he was reaching out in the first place. “What does he want?”

Jill frowned, clearly as confused as I was. “I’m not sure. Christian didn’t know, or if he did, he didn’t say.”

When we left Amberwood later, I convinced Trey, who was driving my car, to make a stop at the nearest phone store. Morbid curiosity got the better of me, and the first thing I did when we got back to the apartment was shut myself in my room and call my dad.

“It’s about time,” he answered in lieu of a greeting. No Hello, son. Good to hear from you. How have you been? “I was wondering how long you were planning to avoid my calls.”

“My phone was broken,” I told him on a quiet, disappointed sigh. I didn’t know why I ever expected any affection from him. I was his son, his only heir, but it wasn’t as if he gave a damn about me. “I just replaced it. I wasn’t avoiding anything. What’s going on?”

“I need you back at Court,” he said coolly. “I’ve already booked a flight for you. It leaves tonight at two am.”

“What?” I froze halfway through unbuttoning my sweat-soaked shirt. “I can’t just leave, Dad. I’ve got classes.”

Not that I was really invested in school anymore, but I did still go to most of my classes mainly because Sydney had worked so hard to get me enrolled at Carlton and I knew she would be disappointed if I just gave up on my education yet again. My main reason for staying in Palm Springs, though, was my search for Sydney. Granted, I wasn’t having any success, but I felt like if I left Palm Springs, I would lose my motivation to look for her. I had spent a lot of time at Court in my life, and ever since I was old enough to party, most of my time there had been spent doing just that. I was afraid that if I was back there, surrounded by even more temptation, I would fall back into my old ways.

“Your mother is being released from prison, Adrian, and she wants to see you.” His voice was still cold and completely lacking in emotion, but the words halted my protesting thoughts immediately.

“She is?” I asked. My throat felt tight with emotion; for such a long time after she had been sent to prison I had tried to speak to her in her dreams, but had never succeeded. It wasn’t the same as my failure to reach Sydney; I always reached my mother when I tried, always forged the dream, sat with her in the home we had lived in when I was a child, begging her to speak to me as she turned her back to me and refused to acknowledge my presence. “She wants to see me?”

“Of course she does. She wants the family back together,” my father said in a clipped tone. “I’ve emailed you your flight information. Don’t be late.”

The call ended as abruptly as it had begun and I stared at the screen of my phone with a slight scowl. “Yeah, can’t wait to see you too, Dad.”

As I prepared to catch my flight, packing light since I would either be back soon or would have access to everything I needed at Court, I tried my best to convince myself that leaving Palm Springs wouldn’t be a horrible thing. I could still search for Sydney from Pennsylvania; I had no reason to believe she was even in California anymore. For all I knew, her father had brought her back home and was re-educating her himself. The problem with that was that I didn’t know where she was from; as much as we talked, and as much as I knew about her, she didn’t like talking about her childhood probably because her father was such a nightmare. It was unlikely, anyway. As Marcus constantly pointed out, the Alchemists had entire facilities dedicated to re-education, and from what Eddie had overheard, it was a sure bet that she was being formally disciplined.

It would be easier for me to seek help at Court, anyway. If I could talk to Lissa myself, in person, and convince her that Sydney, who had done so much to help us out on so many different occasions, was in trouble, then maybe she would help me track her down and rescue her. She wouldn’t do it herself, obviously, but she could send people to search for her. Rose, who didn't know any better and still thought of herself as Sydney’s closest non-human ally, would probably volunteer.

My reunion with my mother was disappointing, to say the least. She offered no explanation for her refusal to see me when I had tried to reach her before, and she refused to acknowledge that she had even been gone for over a year. In fact, she acted as if nothing had ever happened, as if we had parted only yesterday and I had never seen her in handcuffs being escorted from the throne room by armed Guardians. My father was as distant as ever as the three of us sat awkwardly at dinner in our family home at Court; at least I could count on him to be consistent. I didn’t outright refuse to speak to my mother, but she commented several times on how quiet I was being; I just had nothing meaningful to say to her.

I wanted to demand an explanation from her. I wanted to know why she hadn’t spared a single thought for me in the year she’d been gone. I wanted to know why the hell she had done what she did, why she had thrown away everything to protect me, and then spent a year ignoring me when I needed her most. But I knew she wouldn’t answer, and it wasn’t worth the wasted energy to try to get her to.

I spent most of my time the first few days avoiding her and everyone else. It wasn’t much different from how I had been spending my time in Palm Springs: in a spirit trance trying to pull Sydney into a dream. My only reprieve was Jill, who constantly texted me updates about what was going on back in California, and encouraged me to keep trying.

The first time I left my room after that first night was to meet with Lissa in her private room in the royal palace. Being such a close friend of the queen, I had the distinct honor of being able to meet with her outside of the official throne room and on short notice. It seemed Dimitri and Christian were off training with Christian’s warrior Moroi group, so only Rose, who was rarely ever not at Lissa’s side, was there, lounging casually on a soft pink chaise and munching from a comically large box of Cheez-Its as Lissa and I faced each other from matching love seats. Just a year ago, I would have had eyes only for Rose, but now she was just about the farthest thing from my mind.

“I wondered how long it would be before you came to me about this,” Lissa said once we got past the stilted pleasantries. I hadn’t even brought up Sydney yet, but I knew Jill and Eddie had both made several requests of her and she could probably see the anxiety and determination in my aura.

“So, I guess I don’t need my PowerPoint Presentation after all?” I said, trying to fall back on my standard flippant tone. I didn’t quite hit the mark, but I was close enough that Rose and Lissa didn’t feel the need to call me out.

“I’d be interested in seeing it anyway,” Rose chirped, sitting up a bit straighter as she grinned at me. “What’s it titled? The Sydney Sage Recovery Project?”

Her quick wit and sense of humor were decent reminders of what had drawn me to her in the first place. Initially her aura, and the darkness swirling within it, had intrigued me, then it was her exceptional beauty, but what made me really fall for her was her personality. I had known all along that she was in love with Dimitri—it was all over her aura—but I had allowed my desire for her to overrule what spirit knew to be true. Talking to her again without any feelings for her was surprisingly comforting.

“The Re-Education Rescue Relegation, actually,” I said confidently, as if I actually had put together a PowerPoint Presentation. Of course, I hadn’t. Even if I’d had the time, it wasn’t exactly in my wheelhouse. “Sage would really appreciate the alliteration.”

“Nice.” Rose laughed. “She so would.”

“We can skip the presentation,” Lissa said in that gentle way of hers with a soft, mildly amused smile. The type of smile she used to wear when she listened to Rose and me banter when we were dating. “I think I’m already familiar with most of the key points.”

“Okay, then. I want your help finding Sydney. Given the circumstances of her abduction I think it’s fairly obvious that she’s in trouble and we need to help her,” I said.

“I’m all for it. It’s boring as hell here lately. With finals coming up, Lissa’s all about studying when she’s not being a queen.” Rose rolled her eyes playfully. Cheez-Its forgotten at her side, she leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, looking very much like she was ready to jump up and kick ass right then and there. “Come on, Liss. I say we get together a small coalition of dhampirs, it can be on a volunteer basis, obviously, but Dimitri and I are game and I’m sure Eddie would be as well, and we go find her and get her out. It wouldn’t take a lot of us. Like a strike team. They’re all brainiac nerds, right? They probably can’t even fight. It would be easy.”

“Yes, because the guns they already threatened to use against Eddie are harmless against us. No dhampir has ever been killed by a gun before,” Lissa said sarcastically. Rose frowned and sat back dejectedly. She had, after all, been killed by gunshot before and it was only through medical means and her own sheer force of will that she had been resuscitated, effectively severing the bond between her and Lissa. “I understand that you both care about Sydney and I wish I could help you, but this is out of my hands. I’m sorry, Adrian. But my answer is the same as it has been every time Jill and Eddie have asked me. No, I cannot do this.”

I wasn’t surprised by her answer; Jill had complained often about Lissa’s staunch refusal to help find Sydney, but I had hoped I might have more luck persuading her in person. “Cousin—”

“Don’t cousin me, Adrian. We’re not actually related,” Lissa snapped, cutting me off. “No more than all Royal families are, anyway. I can’t help you with this. I love you. You are one of my closest friends, but I cannot make moves against the Alchemists on your suspicions alone. I can’t send a dhampir strike team,” she snapped at Rose, “to attack an Alchemist facility to recover an Alchemist just because she’s been kind to you and you’re bored. Adrian, please stop asking Jill to harass me about this; our relationship is strained enough as it is.”

“Lissa, you don’t understand,” I pleaded. “Jill’s not asking for your help because of me. Sydney’s important to all of us. It’s not just about my suspicions. It’s not just about her being nice. Eddie submitted his formal report, right? You read what he heard them saying. They were going to kill him to get to her! They probably would have killed her, too, if she hadn’t turned herself over.”

“You know how they feel about us, Adrian,” Lissa said sharply. “Of course they would stoop to drastic measures to recover her if they thought she was in danger of … what is it they would say? Consorting with darkness? Getting too close to us.”

“That makes it okay?” Rose chimed in, scowling. “Sydney made friends with non-human people and suddenly it’s okay for them to drag her away kicking and screaming? It’s okay for them to try to shoot Eddie? They’re Alchemists, so that makes it—”

“None of my business,” Lissa cut her off, her tone sharp and verging on angry. “They’re Alchemists, and Sydney is an Alchemist and Eddie is perfectly fine and that makes what they do with her none of my business. I am not going to risk an act of war against the Alchemists because Sydney is your friend. Adrian, I’m sorry. We’re done here.”

“I’m in love with her!” I blurted out. Lissa and Rose both froze, staring at me with wide eyes. It was oddly freeing to say it out loud after such a long time keeping it a secret, but now that the Alchemists already had her, already knew about us, there was really no need to keep it quiet. At least, not here with my friends. “That’s why they took her. Because of me. I … please, Lissa. I need her. I need her to be okay.”

“Adrian …” Lissa hesitated and glanced at Rose, but Rose’s unwavering stare was still on me. “I feel for you. Of course, I do. But this … this doesn’t affect my position on this matter. I can’t sanction an attack on the Alchemists. Not even for you.”

Finally, Rose turned her head to stare in narrow-eyed disbelief at Lissa as I got numbly to my feet. In the grand scheme of things, the two or so years we had been friends really wasn’t long. I knew that. But we had all been through so much together, and Lissa and I had relied heavily on each other trying to keep it together when Rose was in Russia trying to kill Dimitri. It had never occurred to me that she would dismiss me so abruptly, not after a confession like that. Even Aunt Tatiana, who was a much more severe queen, had never treated me in such a way. Maybe that was why it stung so much.

My sweet, beautiful boy. You deserve better than this usurper’s dismissal. She should defer to you.

Go away, I thought bitterly, banishing Tatiana quickly.

“Your Majesty,” I said curtly with a low, sarcastic bow in her direction before I turned and swept out of the room.

“Adrian!” Rose called, but I didn’t look back. The last thing I heard before I shut the door behind me was her turning on the queen. “What the hell, Lissa?”

It was dark out when I stepped outside; the transition back to a Moroi schedule hadn’t been tough since I was barely sleeping anyway, but it was still a little jarring to be out and about in the middle of the night after a year following a human schedule and actively avoiding Strigoi at night. There were people milling around everywhere as I headed almost blindly for the feeders; I hadn’t had blood in too long and figured it may wake me up and ease the pain of Lissa’s inaction.

“Adrian?”

I turned to find Nina Sinclair, a fellow spirit user who had played a role in creating an anti-Strigoi vaccine when Sydney and I were here several months ago. She had a bit of a crush on me, something that even Sydney had picked up on as Nina had not been the slightest bit subtle. It was no fault of Nina’s, as my relationship with Sydney had been such a closely guarded secret, but it had been awkward to have her flirting with me in front of my girlfriend, even if I had done my best to hide my discomfort.

“Hey, Nina. How are you?” I said politely.

“I’m okay,” Nina said with a small shrug as she smiled at me. “I heard you were back, but I wasn’t sure how true that was since no one’s really seen you around.”

“Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy.” It wasn’t a lie; trying to find Sydney had become a fulltime job.

“More … spirit stuff?” she said in a hushed tone. Spirit in itself was no longer a huge secret, but what we had been doing with it here—creating vaccines to prevent the creation of more Strigoi—was. “Sonya said she would let me know if anything else came up.”

Even without seeing her aura, I could tell how hurt she was at the thought that she was being left out. “No, it’s not that,” I said quickly. “It’s more of a personal project.”

“Oh.” She hesitated just long enough that I was about to tell her goodbye, when she continued. “Well, I could help you with whatever it is. I can feel how much spirit you’ve been using.”

I paused for a moment, tempted. It wasn’t the offer of more spirit—my power wasn’t the problem; the Alchemists were—but the offer of companionship. I’d lived most of my life at Court since Aunt Tatiana had been so fond of me and I was used to having countless friends here. Now, since my life was so different than it had been before, I didn’t have many friends here anymore; the guys I used to hang out with were low lives bent on partying and getting laid even if they had to stoop to awful, immoral means to do so. I’d just left two of the few friends I did have here, who I’d been expecting help and support from, and I was leaving them disappointed and betrayed. And here was this girl who I really didn’t know all that well offering blind assistance.

She sees your worth. My beautiful, brilliant boy. She sees your power and she would follow you for it.

She sees my appearance, and she wants me, I argued silently. There was a time not long ago that I wouldn’t have thought twice about taking her up on any offer she made me. Even as in love with Sydney as I was, as unwilling to betray her as I was, I could admit Nina was beautiful. But she wasn’t Sydney, and all I wanted, all I needed, was Sydney.

“Thanks, Nina,” I said. “I appreciate it, really I do. But this is something I’ve got to deal with on my own.”

“Alright, fair enough,” Nina said with a casual shrug. “But I’m here if you change your mind. In the meantime, though, want to hit up a party with me?”

I noticed her outfit then. Her black jeans didn’t exactly scream party, but the strapless, form-fitting, midriff baring shirt she had on was not the type of thing I had seen her wearing in the past. Again, not long ago, I would have jumped at the chance to go to a party with anyone, but especially a pretty girl. I was even a little tempted now. If she hadn’t been half in love with me, Nina would have been a decent friend and she would have been the type of person I would have party-hopped with and gotten drunk with all the time before I met Sydney.

I wouldn’t say Sydney hadn’t tried to change me. She had given me countless lectures on my behavior in those first few weeks in Palm Springs, disapproving of my drinking and my partying and my penchant for casual sex. But none of those lectures had been in the interest of changing me for her. It was for Jill, who Sydney had quickly realized was stuck in my head half the time and living my very inappropriate experiences. At first, I had begrudged her—and, unfortunately, Jill—the need to change, to cut back on the only things that brought me the slightest peace of mind. But before long I realized that the person she wanted me to be was a much better person than who I had always been.

I liked the guy who didn’t drink incessantly and smoke a pack a day. The guy who was in college taking art classes he actually enjoyed despite his father’s disapproval. The guy who went on crazy adventures with her and provided support and helped her learn how to hone her own magic. The guy who, for some reason, this beautiful, brilliant, selfless girl relied on and depended on more than she even realized. I liked that guy, and I wanted to continue evolving as a person, to see if that guy could somehow become even better. I didn’t like the guy I was before, who had no goals and no drive and no real purpose in life other than a half-hearted attempt to maintain a tenuous grip on my sanity. I decided right then and there that I wasn’t going to become him again, no matter what it took out of me.

“Thanks, Nina, but I’m not really in the mood for a party.” It wasn’t a lie. I didn’t know how adept she was at reading auras, but if she had been learning from Sonya, I was sure she could see my dark mood and would believe me.

Sure enough, she studied me for a moment before relenting. “Well, maybe some other time,” she said, doing a rather impressive job of hiding her disappointment.

I had experience picking up women, but not necessarily letting them down. I wasn’t sure how to go about it, so I smiled and gave a half-hearted nod, and lied to her. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Have a good night, Adrian,” she said, seemingly satisfied enough with that, and turned to walk away from me.

“You too,” I said, and continued on my way to the feeders feeling, for some reason, like I had just made a huge accomplishment.

Chapter Text

"I’m not dangerous,” I breathed.
He brought his face toward mine. “You are to me.”
And somehow, against all reason, we were kissing. I closed my eyes, and the world around me faded. The noise, the smoke … it was gone. All that mattered was the taste of his mouth, a mix of clove and mints. There was a fierceness in his kiss, a desperation … and I answered, just as hungry for him.
- Sydney Sage, Adrian Ivashkov
The Indigo Spell, 177

Life at Court went on as it had ever since my unfortunate return. It had been weeks since Lissa had coldly dismissed me, since I had narrowly avoided giving into the temptation to go out and party with Nina. I knew that she liked me, which was reason enough to keep my distance, but it was tempting to take her up on her offer. The nature of spirit was such that we users were drawn to each other; it was a burden that no one else could really understand. It was why I had so quickly befriended Lissa—that really hadn’t been just about my rapidly forming obsession with Rose—and why Lissa, Sonya, and I had formed a sort of unit once Sonya was restored. The opportunity to get to know another spirit user and trade stories and potentially uncover new facets of my abilities was a huge draw, but in the end my need to find Sydney won out. I didn’t need to uncover anything new about spirit at the moment; I already knew that my spirit dreams were the answer if the Alchemists would only slip up and let me in.

The only problem was that it was increasingly difficult to avoid my mother if I was constantly holed up in my room in the home she and my father shared. She wasn’t home all the time like I was, but whenever she was, she took to trying to coax me out of my room. Much to her consternation, I tended to only come out for food, and would almost immediately return to my isolated search after I’d eaten.

“Adrian, dear, I simply don’t understand why you’ve been avoiding me,” my mother said over dinner one evening when she’d cornered me the moment I finally pulled myself out of bed. Usually she wasn’t around when I woke up after a fitful hour or so of sleep, but she’d been sitting alone at the small, extravagantly laid table when I stumbled out fully dressed, intending to stop by the feeders, and there really hadn’t been much of a choice in it other than for me to join her. “I’ve missed you so much and now you don’t even seem to want to be around me.”

I scoffed as I plucked a potato wedge from the serving platter between us, eating it in two big bites. “Could have fooled me.” When she frowned at me over her wine glass, I rolled my eyes. I felt like a moody teen again, rather than a twenty-two-year-old who had been, until recently, finally on my way to getting my life together. “I tried to talk to you every night for months and all you did was pretend I wasn’t there.”

With a deep sigh, she tilted her head and frowned at me like it was such an inconvenience to have to finally talk about this. “What did you expect me to do? I was in prison. I didn’t want you seeing me like that. And I know what a toll spirit takes on you. I didn’t want you constantly using your abilities to talk to me.” Her eyebrows were drawn close, and aside from the self-centeredness, her aura was full of confusion. She genuinely didn’t understand why I was upset. It only made me even angrier, because how could my own mother not understand such a simple thing?

“It was all about what you wanted,” I said, shaking my head at her. “What about what I wanted? What about what I needed?”

“To see me at my lowest? To demand answers of me that you wouldn’t like?” She smiled wryly and forked a small cube of steak into her mouth. “Adrian, I didn’t want … ”

“Stop talking about what you wanted!” I shouted, standing so abruptly that the legs of the chair beneath me scraped the floor with a harsh grating sound. Unflinching, unbothered, my mother looked up at me curiously. “It wasn’t about you! It was about me! Did you ever once stop to think about why I so desperately wanted to talk to you?” Flattening my palms on the table, I leaned down so my face was close to hers, my voice lowering and the words coming out shaky. “Dad’s never given a shit about me; he sure as hell didn’t start while you were gone! My aunt had just been murdered. The girl I loved had just cheated on me and broken up with me without a care in the world for my feelings. People were becoming more aware of spirt, more curious; there were even more eyes on me than before and I was unraveling like a fucking ball of yarn. I was just barely hanging on, clutching at the thinnest of threads to keep myself together. I needed my mother. And you turned your back on me. Every time. You rejected me when I needed you most. You were at your lowest? Well, damn it, Mom! So was I!”

Silence fell between us, only broken by my ragged breathing as I hovered over her.

“Are you quite finished?” She didn’t speak again until I sat back heavily in my chair, my head in my hands. “I don’t know what you expect me to say. Your aunt was a cold woman. Cold, but smart; she knew the possible consequences of her actions as queen. And I did what I did to keep people from finding out about spirit, to keep them from focusing on you.”

I didn’t look up, didn’t interrupt her to let her know that she still didn’t get it, that she was still making it all about her. She still wasn’t there for me, and she never would be, so I just let her talk.

“I warned you about that girl. Nothing I have to say on that matter will be of any comfort to you.” She was right about that, at least. Anything she would have said to me about Rose when the wound was fresh would only have made it even worse. “As for your father … that man doesn’t care about anything but himself and his public image.”

I looked up then. “You know he’s having an affair.” It wasn’t a question. I’d seen it in both of them when I’d first arrived at Court. His aura had been a little too bright with interest around his personal assistant and both of my parents’ had been dim around each other. There wasn’t even any hurt or jealously. Just acknowledgement and cold, detached indifference. “Why are you still with him if neither of you love each other anymore?”

“Adrian, dear.” With a sigh, she shook her head almost pityingly at me. “This idea you have of love … it was sweet when you were younger. But it isn’t real, darling. Love like that doesn’t exist. It’s a dream. Just like your little spirit dreams, it seems real at first, but it isn’t. What your father and I have is not and never has been about love. It’s practical.”

I wanted to tell her that my spirit dreams were real, that there was nothing little about them and she would have known that if she had just given me the chance, but it wouldn’t do any good.

She will never understand you. No one will ever understand you like I do.

“It’s all about image,” I repeated blankly, staring at her, and pushing away the phantom voice in my head. I felt numb. I had known for years that my parents weren’t happy, but I didn’t know that they’d never been happy together. I didn’t know that my mother didn’t even believe in love. “You’re wrong, Mom. Love is real, and it’s incredible and it’s all-consuming and I feel sorry that you don’t believe in it anymore because you deserve to experience it. If you just leave Dad, you’d have a chance for it. You could be happy.”

“Yes, tell me how that worked out for you with your dhampir girl,” she said, her tone too saccharine for the hurtful intent behind her words.

“I’m not talking about Rose,” I said firmly, but the thinly veiled cruelty of her words wounded me. “You want me to say that you were right? Okay, you were right about Rose. I was never in love with her; I was infatuated with her. What I felt for her was, at the time, everything to me. But it was nothing. Nothing compared to truly being in love. Because I have been, Mom. I am in love. I have the kind of love that you say isn’t real. Love that runs like fire through my veins, that makes me want to be a better person. That love is the only thing that keeps me going through the day.”

She looked at me for a moment, and then, with a small, distasteful frown, nodded. “So, you’ve found the next love of your life. Tell me, Adrian, where is this girl? I’m dying to meet her. What is this one? A feeder?”

I had to work to keep my expression neutral. Sydney wasn’t a feeder—I would never feed on her knowing how she felt about it—but I knew that was how most Moroi would see her once our relationship became common knowledge. Moroi didn’t fall in love with humans. It wasn’t impossible, obviously, but it was so taboo that it just didn’t happen, except in small Keeper communes which were largely looked down upon by the rest of the Moroi world. I didn’t know of a single other Moroi who wasn’t a Keeper who had an actual romantic relationship with a human. Our friends back in Palm Springs knew the truth and I was pretty sure that the only reason they accepted it without qualm was because they knew and deeply cared for both of us before we were ever even together.

I had come clean to Rose and Lissa out of desperation, hoping that my confession would make Lissa side with me and take action, but I wouldn’t tell my mother. She had disapproved of Rose on first sight, and she was at least half Moroi. I could only imagine what she would say if she knew I was in love with a human. Not just a human; an Alchemist. She would lose her shit.

“Make light of it all you want,” I said. “But I gave up spirit for her because she makes me want to still be here for her in ten, fifty, eighty years and not completely out of my mind before I hit twenty-five. Nothing and no one has ever been that important, more important than spirit, and no one and nothing else ever will.”

“You gave up spirit for her? Then tell me what it is you’ve been doing in your room all this time. I’ve seen you. I know the look on your face when you’re in the throes of spirit. I know what you look like when you’re in one of your spirit-woven dreams.” When I didn’t explain myself to her—I couldn’t—she shook her head at me, disappointed. “Oh, Adrian. When will you grow up and realize that the world in which we live isn’t like one of those human fairy tales where true love’s kiss breaks the curse and saves the world? You are too old to believe such foolishness. There are no curses, no magic spells, and no true love. There is only practicality and image.”

But there was. All of the things she had just denied did exist. I had experienced them all with Sydney time and time again in the past year. Magic spells and curses and true love. It was just like my mother to be so dismissive of something she just refused to understand. The only person I could say with any confidence that this conversation would have gone over worse with was my father, who had never had anything resembling a heart-to-heart with me.

“Why did you make me come back here if this is how you’re determined to treat me?” I groaned and dropped my head in my hands again. I needed to get out of here, get away from my mother and escape this ridiculous conversation that was going nowhere. If I didn’t, I was going to end up reaching for the bottle of wine she’d already gotten halfway through on her own.

I needed to do more than get away from my mother, I realized. I had accepted my father’s summons out of hope that a reunion with my mother would be the sort of magical balm she was mocking and would help fix all of my problems. I’d thought it would be fine; I could spirit dream from Court as well as I could from my apartment in Palm Springs. But this seclusion, and the complete lack of support I was getting here from my parents and my friends, my queen, was nearly as mentally damaging as the fear for Sydney’s safety. I had to leave Court. I had to get back to California and my support system, my real family.

I pushed to my feet abruptly and crossed the room in quick, purposeful strides.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“What, like you suddenly care?” I said, not even bothering to look at her over my shoulder as I left her behind with a quick slam of the door.

I had a tendency to make rash, spontaneous decisions when I was like this, when I was using a lot of spirit and my emotions were all over the place.  This wasn’t a situation where I could afford to make any hotheaded mistakes, though. It was late by Moroi standards, but early by human standards. I didn’t even know which schedule I was on anymore; I wasn’t really on any schedule. Being such an odd time of day—and the sun that was beginning to rise was bright and hot—there weren’t many people out, so I felt it was safe enough to stop under a tall oak tree some distance from my family’s lodging and fish the hunk of stone out of my pocket.

At least, anyone who saw me would think it was hunk of stone. Really, it was a callistana, a type of friendly demon protector that could only be awoken by the witch who initially summoned it.  The witch who had summoned this callistana, of course, was Sydney. His name was Hopper, after a fictional bunny I had made up as part of a genius cover story when we had been trying to track down an evil witch named Veronica, when we really should have been looking for her evil protégé, Alicia who was right in front of us the whole time.

Even before leaving Palm Springs, I’d taken to bringing Hopper with me everywhere I went. Mostly, it was because I felt bad for him. He was frozen in his inanimate state until I managed to get Sydney back. He was more closely bonded with her through their magical connection, but he was bonded to me too since I had been there when she’d unknowingly summoned him. Jackie, one of Sydney’s coven sisters and her magical mentor, had told me that close contact, even in this state, would be beneficial to him. I had myself half-convinced it was beneficial to me as well.

“We’re going to get her back,” I promised quietly, holding Hopper up to eye level. “And once we’re all safe, you can be out all the time.”

I just needed a game plan. The problem was, Sydney was the planner; I just followed her lead and was usually mostly there for support. I needed her to tell me what to do. I needed her to tell me how to save her. No. What I needed was someone who could think like an Alchemist. I kept spirit close to the surface at all times now—it wasn’t particularly healthy for my mental state, but it was the only way I could feel prepared—and I let it fill me quickly. I’d always had an affinity for dreaming, but after so much of it lately, creating a dream was as simple as blinking.

For the first time in far too long, spirit found my target easily and before I knew it, a guy maybe a couple years older than me with shaggy blond hair and blue eyes and an indigo tattoo on his left cheek appeared in front of me. I didn’t make a habit of pulling Marcus Finch into spirit dreams, but it had happened enough times, and he was familiar enough with my apartment in Palm Springs—which I had fashioned this dream to look like—that he realized what was going on immediately.

“Miss me that much?” Marcus said with a small smirk as he leaned back against the wall, perfectly at ease. Our first meeting hadn’t been particularly pleasant and the fact that we had punched each other in the face had set the tone for all of our subsequent encounters. It wasn’t until Sydney had been taken that we’d become friends, even if I was frustrated by how slow his progress was in searching for her.

“Desperately,” I deadpanned. “Marcus, I need your help.”

“We’re still searching, Adrian. We’re not stopping until we find her. It’s just a slow process,” Marcus said. I rolled my eyes. We had been through this several times. One of his wayward Alchemists had gotten their hands on a list of properties that the Alchemists could be using for re-education purposes and Marcus had explained that they would need to get a cover story together to get someone into the building with high enough clearance to gain access to blueprints and information about what was going on and who was being held there. It could take weeks to clear a single building, supposedly, and there were more than thirty buildings on his list.

“I know. That’s not what I meant.” He shot me a questioning glance and I shook my head. “Marcus, let’s not kid each other here. Neither of us has any clue what we’re doing. My spirit dreams aren’t reaching her. Your list will take yearsto clear at the rate we’re going. We need a real plan. We need to get her out.”

“We have to find her first, Adrian,” Marcus pointed out unhelpfully. “It takes—”

“We don’t have time, Marcus! Sydney doesn’t have time!” I exclaimed. He sighed, crossing his arms as he frowned at me. “I don’t know what they’re doing to her because you won’t tell me.” Honestly, he probably didn’t even know what they were doing to her. He liked to project this image of an all-knowing savior, but he and his cronies had all fled before they’d actually been sent to re-education. “But whatever it is they’re doing, it’s altering her brain chemistry so much that I can’t even reach her in her sleep when she’s most vulnerable.”

“Fixating on what they may or may not be doing to her isn’t going to help us find her any faster,” Marcus said. It was the closest he had come to admitting that he was nearly as clueless about it all as I was.

“No, but neither is sitting around and waiting for her location to drop into our laps,” I said. “It’s time to take action. I’m heading back to Palm Springs on the first flight I can catch.” I hadn’t even looked at tickets yet, but I was already determined to be back by the next day. “Any chance you’re still in the area?”

Marcus hesitated, then gave a reluctant nod. “Yeah, I’m back in San Bernardino. But … Adrian, it wasn’t going any better when you were here before.”

“It will this time,” I said with more certainty than I felt. Marcus gave me a long, questioning look. “I’m bringing reinforcements.”

Interest peaked, he stood up almost imperceptibly straighter. “What reinforcements?”

“Just … be there. The Palm Springs apartment. Tomorrow morning.” Without any further conversation, I let the dream, and Marcus, fade away.

Blinking in the freshly risen Pennsylvania sun, I sighed and turned on my heel, slipping Hopper back into my pocket as I headed off to gather my reinforcements.

Just as I’d suspected, Rose and Dimitri were leaving the royal palace as I approached. Rarely did they—I assumed it was more his decision than hers—flaunt their relationship around Court, though everyone was well aware of it. But this morning as everyone else was turning in, they were walking hand in hand.

“Adrian,” Dimitri said, an uncommon note of surprise in his deep, accented voice when he spotted me almost immediately.

“What are you doing here?” Rose asked, frowning at me. A quick glance at her aura showed concern rather than displeasure at seeing me, and if I had to guess I would say she had been worried about me ever since I’d met with Lissa. She hadn’t been very happy with the way Lissa had ended our meeting either, but I couldn’t be sure how she felt about the relationship bombshell I’d left them with. “God, you look exhausted. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lied. I wouldn’t be fine until I had Sydney back in my arms. “I was hoping I could talk to you guys.”

“Both of us?” Rose blinked in surprise. She was the one who had really wronged me, but for some reason, I had felt easier around her much quicker. Still, even before Sydney and I had gotten together I’d achieved a certain level of peace around Dimitri. I wouldn’t say that what we had was a friendship, but Dimitri probably would; he had referred to me as a friend on more than one occasion, anyway.

“We were just going to get some dinner at the cafe,” Dimitri said when I nodded. “Would you like to join us?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

It wasn’t until we sat down that I realized this was where I’d taken Sydney the last time we’d been here at Court together. Moments before our relationship nearly crumbled around me thanks to my idiotic past decisions being brought to light by my waste-of-oxygen former friends. And now here I was, seated at that very same table and our relationship was the reason that she was in this awful situation.

“Adrian, I’m sorry about Lissa. I’ve been wanting to talk to you, but your mother said you didn’t want to speak to me when I stopped by,” Rose said after she and Dimitri ordered their food.

That was a surprise; my mother hadn’t told me that Rose had tried to come over. Her keeping that from me wasn’t the surprising part, but the fact that Rose had bothered to check up on me in the first place. She had never loved me, not the way I had wanted her to, but she did care about me, and always had in her own way.

“She’s your friend, your queen, and your responsibility to protect, but that doesn’t make it your job to apologize for her,” I said, steering clear of the topic of my mother and her subterfuge. “She’s my queen, too, anyway. Technically, I don’t think she has to apologize at all.”

“But she’s your friend, too, and at the very least she could have been more tactful,” Rose said. Dimitri, who hadn’t been there and apparently didn’t feel comfortable contributing when he only had a secondhand account of what had happened, sat silently beside her, his arm resting on the back of her chair. I was sure Rose had told him all about it, and about my feelings for Sydney, but he didn’t look judgmental in any way.

“She could have been a lot of things,” I said wryly, playing idly with the silverware in front of me. “Helpful, for one. That’s kind of why I’m here.”

Rose and Dimitri exchanged a brief glance before they turned back to face me just as our drinks arrived. I hadn’t eaten much over my argument with my mother a little while ago, but I wasn’t hungry so all I got was a coffee which I was sure Rose and Dimitri would judge me for as this was the beginning of their night, but I needed to be alert for this conversation. Almost the second the waitress left, Rose downed half of her Coke, eyeing me suspiciously over the rim of the glass.

“What can we do for you?” Dimitri asked, sliding his glass of water a few inches to the side as I poured a ton of cream and sugar into my coffee. I didn’t have a taste for the stuff, but it reminded me of Sydney.

“You can help me,” I said.

“Look, I’ve tried talking to Lissa, but she’s stuck on this,” Rose said with a small, annoyed frown as she thought back on a conversation I hadn’t been present for. I wasn’t necessarily surprised that Rose had tried to change Lissa’s mind, but I was grateful. “It’s nothing personal she has against Sydney. It’s strictly politics. Honestly, if we weren’t already on the brink of two different wars, she’d love nothing more than to help Sydney out, but she’s already got so many people watching her every move here, waiting for her to screw up. She can’t risk an even more strained relationship with the Alchemists.”

“I’m not asking Lissa,” I said bluntly. “I’m asking you guys, both of whom Sydney has risked her life and re-education for on multiple occasions, to help me find her and get her the hell out of there.”

“Are you asking us to disobey direct orders?” Rose gaped at me for a moment before she scoffed, and her expression turned slightly angry.  “Where the hell do you get off? Lissa said no. So no. There’s no way around it.”

“Roza,” Dimitri said soothingly. “Let him speak.”

“You. Owe. Us,” I ground out through clenched teeth before she could decide whether or not to listen to him. I didn’t realize I was leaning across the table towards them until I had to sit back to fit Dimitri in my gaze. “Both of you.”

I wasn’t the type to call in my debts, and Rose knew it. Her eyes widened in shock and then narrowed, a familiar flash of annoyance flickering there. Dimitri, on the other hand, showed no emotion. 

“How do you figure that?” Rose demanded, acid in her tone and fire in her eyes. For a moment, I was reminded of the girl she’d been when we first met: angry and defensive and so very strong-willed. Mostly, she was arguing just to argue because my attitude rubbed her the wrong way. I knew if I had been more tactful she likely wouldn’t have been as prickly, but tact took time, and I was running out.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I shouldn’t have needed to spell it out for them, but then Rose was still, and always would be, very stubborn.

“You drained my bank account to find him. Without me, you would have never found Dimitri. Without me, you would have never been able to restore him. Without me, you,” I directed my vitriolic rant to the man in question, “would still be a soulless, murderous Russian mob boss Strigoi.”

Rose, typically tanned and healthy-looking, was suddenly sallow. Dimitri leaned back in his seat beside her, arms crossed over his chest. By his standards, it was a sizeable reaction.

This was so not my style, but there was nothing I wouldn’t do to get Sydney back. She was my entire reason for being. She had literally saved my life back in Palm Springs; I was convinced that without her I would have lost my mind, and likely even my life, to spirit or the alcoholism I had developed to curb spirit’s effects long ago. At the very least, I’d be well on my way to an early grave, anyway. That, and I could only imagine what she was being put through in re-education, and I had a damn good imagination. I couldn’t just sit here, safe and pampered at Court knowing that she was very likely undergoing at least psychological torture. I couldn’t say for sure, but I wouldn’t put it past the Alchemists to resort to physical torture as well, especially for people like Sydney who entered into unholy unions with abominable creatures of darkness like myself. Especially when they had been willing to shoot Eddie, who had never done anything other than try to protect us all, right in front of her.

Sydney Sage did not have many fears. When she had first come to Palm Springs, one of the few things she had openly feared was Moroi magic. She was long since over that fear, but she had held onto one other: re-education. It was my fault, my neediness, my mental instability, that had gotten her into this whole mess. I knew Sydney loved me and certainly always wanted to stay with me, wanted to see me, but I couldn’t shake the guilty thought that she might not have stayed at my apartment that night, might not have gotten caught, if she hadn’t feared that I would slip into one of my too-common bouts of darkness. Even with the mood stabilizers to even out my mood swings, I could still get pretty down on myself, especially in regard to my self-worth, and she had sensed that I was on the verge of such a downward spiral when she’d decided not to go back to Amberwood that night, not to return to Zoe’s watchful gaze.

It was all my fault that she was in their clutches now, and I was going to get her out. And yeah, I would guilt trip anyone I had to in order to do it.

“And then,” I continued before Rose could butt in, pointing at her. This time, when I leaned close to her, it was fully intentional, “you slept with him while in a relationship with me—some might call that cheating—and kept it from me until I caught you red-handed. And maybe you tried to apologize when I showed up to confront you about it, but it wasn’t a real apology. You don’t end a real apology to someone you claim to still love by turning everything around and blaming that person for your infidelity.”

For once in her life, Rose Hathaway, guardian extraordinaire, the most self-assured person I had ever met—myself included—was rendered speechless. She could kick my ass without breaking a sweat, but I had her on this one and she knew it.

“You owe me,” I said again, calmly this time. “And I’ve come collecting. But if you need me to outline how much you owe Sydney, I can do that too.”

“Adrian,” Rose said after a moment, pausing when a waitress walked past us balancing a tray laden with dirty dishes. “I get it. God, you know I of all people get it. But I can’t go against Lissa on this. She’s our queen. She said we can’t do anything, so we can’t. Adrian … we don’t even know there’s anything wrong. Her sister told Jill that they were just being reassigned.”

Rose was impulsive and brash and hotheaded. She was always ready for a fight, and she wanted to take on this fight if only Lissa would allow it. I knew, after all this time, that I would never get the apology that I deserved from her—Belikov, maybe, in due time—but I would get this. I would get Sydney back, and Rose and Dimitri were going to help me.

“Because I know her, Rose!” I slapped my hand down on the table, my agitation overflowing not for the first time tonight. “She wouldn’t just leave! Not without saying goodbye.”

“She’s an Alchemist, Adrian,” Rose said softly. “I can see that you feel very strongly about her—and I get it! Sydney isn’t like most Alchemists; she doesn’t completely hate us. But maybe this was just an assignment to her after all, Adrian. Just like St. Petersburg was an assignment.”

Frowning, I nodded slowly. So, she accepted that I loved Sydney, but she wasn’t sold on the idea that Sydney could love me back. Something about that should sting, especially coming from her and considering how things had gone between us, but it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I knew the truth. Sydney loved me. Sydney was counting on me. And I wasn’t going to let her down. Not this time.

“You think her sharing a room with you in Russia was part of her assignment? Tracking down one specific Strigoi for you was an assignment? And breaking you out of prison? Was that an assignment, too?” I rebutted. It looked like I was going to have to remind them of all Sydney had done for them after all. “And hiding you with the Keepers? Another assignment? What about Eddie’s report from that night? The guns, the willingness to kill him? Do you think he just imagined all that?” I glared at Rose as she stared at me impassively, but it was all an act; her aura was lit up with uncertainty, with a need to act. I knew she didn’t really believe all the excuses she was giving me, all the reasons Lissa had undoubtedly spouted off, but she also didn’t believe what I knew to be true, not entirely. She knew there was a possibility that Sydney was in deep trouble, but she didn’t have the cold, hard proof to convince her of it. “Lissa is wrong not to act, and you know it. She tried to stop you from going after Dimitri, remember? But I helped you. I need you to do the same for me now.”

“Roza,” Dimitri said before she had a chance to respond. His voice was quiet and matter-of-fact, very Belikov. But he was studying me with that annoyingly stoic expression on his face. “Adrian is right. Even if we didn’t owe him, this is the right thing to do. Not only for him, but for Sydney who has been a good friend to all of us. To not help him, and her, would be a disservice.”

Dimitri had been there in Palm Springs with us. Sure, it was before there was anything really going on between Sydney and me, and he was no spirit user so there was no way he could have read our auras like Sonya had, but Dimitri Belikov was damn perceptive, and I for one was certainly not what anyone would call even mildly subtle about anything in my life. It was a miracle that Sydney, as socially stunted as she had been when she first came to Palm Springs, hadn’t picked up on my feelings until I had spelled them out for her, pulled her to me and kissed her and laid my heart bare at her feet for her to trample on, and later restore.

Even if by some strange twist of fate he hadn’t picked up on my feelings for Sydney, or hers for me, there was no way he had missed the fact that she certainly wasn’t like most Alchemists. They had been friendly, as much as it had pained me to see at times, and I suspected he was more concerned by her disappearance than he let on. As mysterious as their methods were to us it wasn’t hard to imagine that a wayward Alchemist who got a bit too friendly with her Moroi and dhampir charges would be subject to some very unpleasant disciplinary action.

In the end, I think it was a mixture of things that convinced her: the fact that everything I had just said and done was so wildly out of character from the mainly easy-going person she knew me to be, paired with Dimitri’s influence and the fact that she did genuinely care about Sydney, who had gone out of her way on several occasions to help her at risk to her own standing in her organization.

“Okay, fine.” Rose heaved a long, heavy sigh looking nearly as rundown as I felt. “But how do you expect us to pull this off? We’re Lissa and Christian’s primary guardians and there’s an actual civil uprising going on around us. And Lissa explicitly forbade us to do anything.”

“We haven’t taken any time off yet,” Dimitri said mildly. “She can’t in good conscience refuse us that.”

Rose nodded, frowning. “Problem is, Lissa’s not stupid. Usually, I appreciate that quality in my best friend. In this case, though, it might be a problem. She’s going to know what we’re up to if we suddenly take a vacation now right when Adrian leaves.”

“Just leave that to me,” I said darkly, already climbing to my feet. They hadn’t even received their food yet and I was already on the move. “And be ready to go in a few hours. I’ll text you the flight information.”

Chapter Text

“…  I tried to be a better person for her–but it was to impress her, to get her to want me. But when I’m around you, I want to be better because … well, because it feels right. Because I want to. You make me want to become something greater than myself. I want to excel …”

- Adrian Ivashkov
 The Golden Lily, 415

Even in the late morning hours when most respectable Moroi were turning in for bed, it was comically easy for me to gain an audience with Lissa. It was just one of the perks of having the queen on speed dial. Even though our last meeting had not had the most amicable ending, she answered her phone almost immediately when I called her from right outside the diner I’d left Rose and Dimitri in, and had reluctantly agreed to see me in her private quarters in the sitting room off the side of her bed chamber. She was in her pajamas, a silky turquoise chemise with a matching robe belted loosely over it. I wondered if I had interrupted a spicy interlude with her consort given Christian’s rumpled, grumpy demeanor, but then it was hard to tell with Christian, who almost always presented at least a vaguely grumpy front. It was all part of his practiced, edgy bad boy look.

“Adrian, we’ve talked about this already,” Lissa said tiredly. I hadn’t even said anything yet, but why else would I demand to see her at such an hour if not about saving the love of my life? “I’m sorry for how our last meeting ended, but my answer hasn’t changed.”

She didn’t bother with the prim queenly dialect she so often used when in public, and had started off with when we’d argued a week ago. There was no need; there was no one around to keep up appearances in front of. Not even Rose and Dimitri were here; given that I had left them in the diner less than twenty minutes ago, they were probably still eating and would hopefully head back to their room shortly to pack as I’d suggested. There were several guardians posted outside the room, and I knew they would burst in in a flash at the first sound of an argument, but for all intents and purposes, the three of us were alone.

“Lissa.” I didn’t bother with propriety anymore than she had. Christian wasn’t big on decorum, either and I liked him well enough despite the fact that his aunt Tasha had murdered my Aunt Tatiana, the previous queen. If I were that type of guy, I might argue that he owed me a big one as well. Unfortunately for both of them, I wasn’t particularly concerned with being a nice guy in light of the love of my life—Sonya and Sydney were both pragmatic enough as not to believe in soulmates, but I wasn’t so convinced—currently being held prisoner and tortured. If I had to hold his aunt’s actions against him to meet my own ends, I would. “This is merely a courtesy call to let you know Rose and Dimitri are going to be taking some much-needed time off starting … well, now.”

Christian arched one dark eyebrow and studied me in a way that made me think that if he were a spirit user he would be reading my aura right now. Or maybe he was considering the best way to light me on fire, just a little bit so it would hurt like hell but would be easy enough to heal without any lasting damage.

Lissa laughed humorlessly. “On whose authority?”

“Yours,” I said easily. Lissa glowered at me, and I sighed. “Oh, come on. They haven’t taken any vacation time in the year they’ve been in your service here. Rose died for you and didn’t even take any time off after she healed up. Dimitri went from being Strigoi to dhampir-pariah to Christian’s personal guardian with no time to really adjust to all the changes in his life. They’re so devoted to your service that of course they don’t want to pressure you to give them the time off, but that’s why I’m here. Don’t they deserve a break? A little romantic getaway.”

“I didn’t realize you were so invested in Rose and Dimitri’s relationship, Adrian,” Lissa said sarcastically.

I gasped and laid a hand over my heart. “They are two of my closest friends.” The pathetic thing was it was kind of true. Had Rose ripped my heart out of my chest and done a little jig on it with Dimitri? Sure. But I was over that now and my life had taken such a turn that my ex and the guy she cheated on me with were two of my best friends mainly by virtue of the sudden and steep decline of my social life. “Of course I care. I’m only here to advocate for them.”

“And I presume you’ll be staying here to keep an eye on me in their absence?” Lissa challenged.

“Oh, well. You see, I’d love to. Really.” I sighed and shook my head. “But you’ve got so many qualified guardians here, and the mission in Palm Springs isn’t complete. I can’t in good conscience leave Jill any longer. The time away with my parents has been … we’ll be optimistic and call it refreshing, but we’ve already lost our Alchemist support and I need to be there to help out.”

“And Rose and Dimitri?” Lissa cocked her head at me, eyes narrowed on my face. “Where are they going to be?”

I shrugged and shoved my hands in my pockets. “Beats me. That’s really up to them, isn’t it? It’s their vacation. Maybe they’ll make the trip to Russia to visit his family. Haven’t they been talking about doing that?”

Lissa frowned. “They have, actually.”

“Maybe they’ll opt for a warmer climate this time around, though,” Christian chimed in. “Somewhere sunny. Like Palm Springs. They haven’t checked in with Eddie in a while.”

“Hey, this is a work-free trip, Ozera,” I said, feigning sternness. “But yeah, Jill, Eddie, Neil, and Angeline would probably love to see them if they were in the area.”

“And what with them being two of your closest friends, maybe you’ll even let them stay with you?” Lissa said.

“Now there’s a thought,” I said, pointing at her as if she’d made an ingenious suggestion. “I could make room for them if that’s what my good friends wanted.”

“Adrian.” Lissa shook her head on a sigh. “Not being an idiot, I know what you’re doing. Rose has been on my case nonstop since we last met, and as I’ve repeatedly told her, I still can’t sanction this.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said innocently. “As I’ve stated, I’m heading back to Jill and the others in Palm Springs and advocating for Rose and Dimitri to get the break they deserve. They can go wherever they choose.”

“Come on, babe,” Christian said soothingly, grey eyes on me. “Adrian’s right. Rose and Dimitri work so hard to keep us safe. They do deserve the time off. If they happen to run into an old friend while they’re away from Court, well … whatever happens wouldn’t reflect on you if they’re on leave.”

Lissa looked at Christian and for a moment I thought she might argue with him. Christian must have seen it too because he drew her in close by the waist—I ached with longing to hold Sydney in my arms again—and continued before she could. 

“You have dozens of guardians,” he pointed out, pressing a kiss to her forehead, making the constant ache in me just that much stronger. “And me. I won’t leave your side until Rose and Dimitri get back. I won’t let anything happen to you.”  

I averted my gaze as much to give them a little privacy as to save myself even more heartache, but it was too late. I felt as if there was just a gaping bloody wound in my chest. Had I been the one with Sydney that night, would I have been able to help her escape capture? The only reason Eddie had failed was because his gift was physical. Mine wasn’t. What would I have done if I had been there with her?

You would have ripped through them like an avenging god, laid them flat with spirit. Obliterated them.

Well, phantom Tatiana may have been exaggerating my abilities somewhat, but the fact was … I would have done anything to keep Sydney safe. At the very least, I would have forfeited my own life for hers. As would Eddie have done if she hadn’t tricked him into fleeing with Hopper.

When I looked up, Lissa was studying me again and judging by the intensity of her gaze, she was reading my aura. She sighed heavily and passed a hand over her weary face. “Okay, Adrian. If Rose and Dimitri file the appropriate paperwork, they may take their vacation time.” 

“Thank you,” I breathed, flooded with relief. I would just have to tack that onto the text with our flight info when I got everything settled, if Dimitri didn’t already have the paperwork handled. He was responsible and generally by-the-book like that. I cleared my throat. “I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.”

“Now, this is strictly off the record and once you leave, this conversation never happened because it is imperative that I don’t know what’s really going on here,” Lissa said. “But, Adrian, why are you so sure Sydney’s in trouble? Isn’t it just as likely that her people reassigned her, and she went where she was told to go?” 

I knew Lissa hoped that was the case, not maliciously, out of some bizarre desire to see me hurt as I was, but because it would make things so much easier if it turned out the Alchemists hadn’t been lying to her. She hadn’t—and wouldn’t—made any decisive moves to help rescue Sydney, but I knew Lissa had actually reached out to Alchemist leaders to confirm Zoe’s lie about reassignment. Because Jill had requested it of her, and as strained as their relationship was, Lissa was at least trying to be a decent sister.

“Sydney wouldn’t just disappear without saying goodbye. We were—the whole Palm Springs group—we were like a family. She’s not heartless,” I said. She had been raised to be logical and no-nonsense, and she was. But she was so much more. She was passionate, and fierce, and loyal. But not to the Alchemists.

“But why are you so certain?” she repeated. “Have you dreamed with her? Has she told you?” 

Because we’re in love. Because we were planning a future together and no matter what happened she would never just walk away from that, not without an explanation, I wanted to say. Hell, she had even stopped by my apartment to break things off clean with me when she’d been planning to go to Mexico with Marcus and we hadn’t even officially gotten together yet at that point.

But I couldn’t tell Lissa any of that. Or, I could—she already knew I was in love with Sydney—but the last time I’d flat-out brought it up, no good had come of it. As my friend, I knew that Lissa would eventually be happy that I had found actual, real, true love and the fact that she liked and respected Sydney already would help. But as my queen, as queen of all Moroi and dhampirs, she would have to look at it more pragmatically as well. My relationship with Sydney was not convenient for Lissa, and when it inevitably came out to everyone else, I knew it was going to cause her a lot of trouble. And so did she. I couldn’t find it in myself to feel guilt over it, but I didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with it right now.

Instead, I settled for a less complicated truth. “No, and that’s the problem. I haven’t been able to reach her in dreams. I can’t even feel her there.” 

Lissa wasn’t nearly as good at spirit dreams as I was—no one really was—but she knew that there was only one way for someone to block me out when I wanted in.

She didn’t respond, but I knew that even though she had reluctantly and covertly sanctioned my mission, she still wasn’t happy with my plan. 

“Thank you,” I said again, this time directing my words as much to Christian as to Lissa. “We’ll head out tonight. I’m sure you’ll be hearing from Rose and Dimitri soon.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Adrian,” Lissa said sadly as I turned away. It was painfully obvious that she was worried I was about to sink into one of my too-familiar spirit-driven downward spirals, but I had never been more clearheaded in my life. “She’s an Alchemist. She’s a human.”

How could she not see? How did she not know that all of the improvements I had made in my life were a direct result of my love for this human ex-Alchemist?  

She doesn’t understand you, Aunt Tatiana taunted. Not like I do. No one does.

Sydney does, I thought; my mind screamed it at my aunt. Sydney understands me. She believes in me. She’s counting on me.

“You don’t know the first thing about her.” Or me, apparently. I spoke softly, and didn’t bother to turn and face my queen. She could hear me as clear as night. “She’s so much more than any of us.”

When I made it back to my parents’ home, I was relieved to find that my mother had at some point retired following our argument. I wasn’t sure where my father was, but considering he had demanded my return to Court under the pretense of the family being back together, he sure had been gone a lot. I hadn’t seen him since my first night here. I vaguely recalled him claiming he was going on a business trip, but it was just as likely he was shacked up somewhere with his sexy young secretary, or maybe some other woman who didn’t care he had a wife and a son who was probably the same age as her. I had never, not even when I was a little boy, been my father’s biggest fan, but now knowing the truth about my parents’ sham marriage, I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to see Nathan Ivashkov again.

My mother, on the other hand, was still my mother. She had hurt me greatly, but at least I knew she truly did love me. I could only hope that one day, hopefully soon, she would see me and Sydney together and would finally understand. Maybe one day she would come around and we could fix our relationship. But my mother wasn’t my priority right now. Sydney was.

I didn’t bother packing any clothes. I had only brought a couple changes of clothes with me since I’d correctly assumed I would have everything I needed available at my fingertips while I was here. I was going back to my apartment in Palm Springs anyway, where all of my belongings still were. Instead, I threw myself on my bed, pulled out my phone, bought three plane tickets back to California with my dad’s credit card, texted Rose and Dimitri to check in with Lissa and meet me at the gates at sunset, set an alarm on my phone, and settled in to try and reach Sydney.

When my alarm went off what felt like a second later, I rose wearily from my bed. I made sure Hopper was still in my pocket, swiped Tatiana’s cuff links from my bedside table, jammed the jewelry box they lived in into my pocket, and headed out of my room. The house was still dark and quiet, so there was no one to object when I slipped into my father’s office, slid back the painting covering his safe, typed in the passcode he wasn’t aware I knew, and swiped a few thousand dollars. He rarely opened the safe so he’d never notice it was gone, and if he did, he would have no way of knowing I was the one who took it.

I was out the door less than five minutes after my alarm went off and when I made it to the front gates, I found Rose and Dimtri waiting for me, both dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. He was talking to the guardian on duty, and she was leaning against the hood of a sleek black BMW, arms crossed over her chest. She watched me approach with a frown and pushed away from the car when I was only a few yards away.

“Do I even want to know how the hell you pulled this off?” she asked when I stopped in front of her. I shrugged and shoved my hands into my pockets. “If I didn’t know Lissa was nearly impossible to compel, I’d be very suspicious of you right now.”

“Rose, Rose, Rose,” I said, shaking my head at her. “I’m both flattered and offended. I just had a little heart to heart with our friend the queen.”

Rose set one hand on her hip and cocked her head at me, still frowning expectantly. “You tried that when you first got here and it was an epic fail, remember?”

I rolled my eyes. Of course I damn well remembered. The conversation had sent me into a downward spiral. “Christian may have helped a little this time.”

“Ozera’s a damn softie,” Rose said after a moment, dropping her hand from her hip as she relented. “Where’s your bag?”

“Don’t need one,” I said. “Yours?”

“Already loaded in the trunk,” she assured me. “Speaking of, we’re going to need your compulsion to get through airport security.” When I raised my eyebrows at her, she shrugged. “You tapped us for a rescue mission. You didn’t think we’d come armed?”

“I could have gotten you weapons when we got to Palm Springs,” I said. It wouldn’t be a problem for me to get us through security, but it would certainly be easier if I didn’t have to compel a bunch of TSA workers.

“You have an arms dealer in your pocket?” Rose quipped, clearly believing it was impossible. But I did. I had Malachi Wolfe. He wasn’t actually an arms dealer, but he was an eccentric man with a stockpile of weapons, and he had loaned them out to me and Sydney before. When I just looked at her, Rose’s jaw dropped. “You do? Jesus, who the hell are you and what have you done with Adrian Ivashkov?”

I was saved from having to respond when Dimitri broke away from the guard at the gate and joined us. “Are we ready to go? They are set to open the gates for us.”

“I’ve been ready to go since I got to Court,” I said, and slid into the backseat.

“All right, let’s get this show on the road, Comrade,” Rose said as she jumped into the passenger seat. She turned to me as Dimitri started the car. “What’s the plan, big shot?”

I was struck again by how hopeless I felt without Sydney. I didn’t know how to mount a rescue mission. I didn’t know how to strategize and plan and organize a group to action. That was all Sydney. But I had the start of something, at least.

“The plan is to get to Marcus Finch.”

Chapter Text

His eyes were on his heart, completely caught up in his work. “Just something kicking around in my head. Reminds me of you. Fiery and sweet, all at the same time. A flame in the dark, lighting my way.” His voice … his words … I recognized one of his spirit-driven moments. It should’ve unnerved me, but there was something sensual about the way he spoke, something that made my breath catch. A flame in the dark.
- Adrian Ivashkov
The Indigo Spell, 175

Rose and Dimitri didn’t speak much as we boarded our flight—after I compelled TSA to not notice the weapons they had stuffed their bags with. I didn’t mind the silent treatment; it wasn’t malicious in any way. I was in my head like I had been since Sydney had been ripped from me, and I was sure Rose and Dimitri were still thinking about what we had discussed in the car on the way to the airport.

“What’s next?” Rose’s seatbelt protested and stretched to the max as she turned in her seat to look at me while we flew down the freeway. She would have to unbuckle it to keep it from locking her in place when she turned back to face the front.

“I told you already. We get to Marcus Finch,” I said.

“Yeah, still haven’t explained who the hell that is,” Rose retorted with a brief eyeroll. “But I guess I didn’t mean next. I meant … what happens later? After however long it takes us to find her. What happens when she’s out? Where do you go from there?”

I took a while to answer her, mostly because I didn’t really know. On one hand, the answer was simple. When Sydney was out, we would be together. We would spend the rest of our lives together. But it really wasn’t that simple at all, not when it came to the details. The Alchemists were fucking crazy—and I knew crazy. There wasn’t a chance in hell that we would break Sydney out of re-education and they would just let us be. We would be on the run for the rest of our lives.

We had a running joke in our relationship about escape plans where we’d made up whacky scenarios about just up and leaving, disappearing without a trace, and taking up zany jobs in random places to make a living. A sunglass hut on the beach in Cabo. Selling umbrellas in Ireland. Becoming supernatural investigators in London. Just to name a few. None of them were serious, obviously, but they were depressingly more thought out than any real plan for the future we’d had. Unfortunately, that had yet to change; I still didn’t have a detailed plan beyond never separating from her again.

Ideally, I knew that if Sydney could choose anywhere in the world, we would end up in Rome or Greece. At least for a while. But I wasn’t the only person who knew she was obsessed with all things Greek and Roman. Zoe definitely knew, and Sydney had always speculated that she had been sent to St. Petersburg for her first assignment despite there being an opening in Athens because her father hadn’t wanted her to be distracted being in a place she was actually interested in.

“I don’t know,” I finally said. The realistic answer was that we would probably have to follow Marcus to Mexico after all, hide out in a rundown shack with him and a handful of other ex-Alchemists. “But as long as we’re together, it doesn’t really matter.”

Once we boarded the plane, I stretched out in the plush first-class seat across the aisle from Rose and Dimitri and closed my eyes. To any humans passing by, I looked asleep. Really, I was trying, as I always did, to reach out and connect to Sydney. I wasn’t feeling particularly hopeful as I had tried and failed to reach her at all hours of the day but what else was I supposed to do? I had a six-hour flight ahead of me and I couldn’t drink my way through it like I would have in the past.  

I found myself standing in the courtyard near the Getty fountain. It was where our relationship had officially begun and we both had such fond memories of it; it was where I usually brought her in our shared dreams before I had given up spirit. Before the Alchemists had taken her.

After so many months of constantly trying to make a connection, my hope was beginning to dwindle. Was I just not as good as I used to be? Had the mood stabilizers messed with my spirit forever? I couldn’t believe that as the world around me looked as convincing as any dreamworld I had ever built.

So if it wasn’t my spirit, it must be Sydney. Of course, I had come to the conclusion that the Alchemists were keeping her drugged long ago, but every time I failed to reach her it was like a rediscovery, and it never failed to fill me with rage and dismay. She was so brilliant, so pure, and I knew anything mind-altering must be its own form of torture to her.

Another thought struck me. What if they weren’t only keeping her drugged? What if they were keeping her on an inconsistent sleep schedule as well? They wouldn’t want her to have the comfort of her old routine. They would want her off-kilter. They would want her feeling wrong. Inhuman.

I was pretty sure the Alchemists didn’t know about my penchant for spirit dreams since they didn’t really know much about spirit at all, but an inconsistent sleep schedule would serve an unintended dual purpose. Not only would it be yet another very effective form of psychological torture, but it would also make it harder for me to predict when she was sleeping each day, and if she wasn’t able to really settle into a deep sleep, it would be harder for me to reach her.

Her sleep schedule didn’t really make a difference in my search either way. It wasn’t like I hadn’t spent all hours of the day and night trying to pull her in for the past few months. It was disheartening to fail over and over again for months on end, especially when the stakes were so high, but what else could I do?

Admittedly, I had never been the outdoorsy type, so I didn’t know much about … well, much outdoorsy stuff. Regardless, in my mind, searching for someone to spirit dream with was like casting a net—or maybe a fishing line, and slowly reeling it back in, waiting for that gentle tug of their consciousness meeting mine, and then …

There! For the first time in months I felt the barest suggestion of her mind. I grasped on with all my mental fortitude, using more spirit than I had ever had to use to bring someone into a dream, and gave a firm tug. Slowly, a form began to materialize across the fountain. For a moment all I could do was stare, heart racing, as she grew more and more solid.

“Sydney?” I whispered, hardly daring to believe it. After months of searching, had I really finally found her?

“Adrian?” she breathed, eyes blinking in the bright light for a moment before they locked on mine, squinting and deeply shadowed but full of wonder.

That did it. I began to move, breaking out into a sprint, leaping over the low wall of the fountain and into the water, splashing everywhere as I raced to her. She was laughing in disbelief, tears shimmering in her eyes when I barreled into her, swept her into my arms, and pulled her to my chest.

“I can’t believe it. I was starting to think I would never find you,” I said, my voice breaking a little on the words.

“I never doubted you, not for a second. I knew you would come,” she breathed. “And you did. You’re here. Oh, Adrian.”

My hands slid up her arms to cup her face gently, staring in awe of her presence before I lowered my mouth to hers. I intended for a soft kiss—I had no idea what she had been through and the last thing I wanted to do was overwhelm her—but Sydney was not on the same page. She pulled me closer, hands roaming my chest, my back, reaching up into my hair and tugging none-too-gently. I did the same, if considerably gentler, and tried not to gasp in horror as I felt how thin she had become beneath ill-fitting, rough khaki scrubs.

She was blurry when we broke apart and I was terrified for a split second that my spirit was waning and she was already slipping away from me. Then her fingers came up to wipe moisture from beneath my eyes and I realized I was crying too.

I didn’t know how long we had left; it could have taken several minutes or hours for me to pull her in for all I knew, and I was frantic to find out what information she had to offer that could help me track her down.

“Where are they keeping you?” I demanded. “I’ve got Rose and Dimitri with me. We’re headed back to Palm Springs. We’re coming to find you, but if you know where you are, that would save us a whole lot of time.”

“I don’t know,” Sydney said, looking devastated and disappointed in herself. I could only imagine the internal lashing she was giving herself for not knowing the exact geographic location of her imprisonment. “But I doubt it’s anywhere near Palm Springs. I would imagine they wanted to get me as far away from you as possible. They gave me some type of tranquilizer when they captured me and they’ve kept me medicated ever since I got here, so I have no real idea.”

I swore under my breath. I had known they’d been drugging her, and it had been eating me alive this entire time, but to have her actually confirm it was another thing. It made me ache for her to think how horrible she had felt all this time. “How are you here now, then? Did they stop giving you the meds?”

“Yes,” she said. “I … I think they’re starting to trust me. Just a little bit, at least. You know I can be a pretty convincing liar. I’ve convinced them that I want redemption, that I regret what happened between us, that you tricked me into it. They finally let me out around the others a few days ago.” 

“The others?” I asked. Were there more people like her?

“Other wayward Alchemists. About a dozen, maybe more. Adrian?” She rested her hand tenderly on the side of my neck as she looked up at me, an urgent expression on her face. “I don’t regret anything that happened between us. Not a single thing.”

“Neither do I. You are the first truly good decision I’ve made in my life,” I said, and kissed her again to hide the swell of despair that nearly overcame me as my imagination began to run wild with images of Sydney locked in the dark, starving and so heavily sedated she didn’t even have control of her own beautiful mind. If nothing else, I had to look strong for her. At least until she was completely safe. Then I could lose it for a moment. For now, though, a brave face was the way to go.

“Listen, we’re going to find you,” I swore after several lingering kisses. “I’ve already gotten in touch with Marcus; he’s meeting us back at the Palm Springs apartment. You know he jumped at the opportunity to wreak some havoc on the Alchemists.”

Sydney blinked up at me in surprise, looking suspiciously like she wondered if she was hallucinating after all.

“You?” She finally said. “And Marcus? Working together. Without me. And you contacted him.”

I understood her shock. Marcus and I hadn’t had the smoothest relationship before Sydney’s capture as I had attacked him the first time we met due to a slight misunderstanding wherein I believed he had attacked Sydney. Technically, he had. But that had also been a bit of a misunderstanding so it was somewhat of a moot point. As with everything in my life, my opinion of Marcus had changed when Sydney had been taken. He could still be annoying and he was definitely still full of himself, but Marcus did legitimately care about Sydney and he had been a huge asset to me lately, or at least he was trying. I would even go so far as to say were friends now.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Sage,” I reminded her. “And likewise, there’s little Marcus wouldn’t do to get under the skin of the Alchemists.”

Sydney smiled at that, which made me feel at least marginally better.

“Do you think the Stelle might be able to help us track you down?” I asked, thinking that maybe her coven’s tracking spells so far could have been inhibited by the drugs she had been on in the same way my spirit hadn’t been able to reach her.

“I doubt they haven’t tried already,” Sydney said shaking her head sadly. “If anything, the building we’re in will probably have been cloaked from them.”

“They have tried, but they’ve been blocked from you just like I was.” I looked at her for a moment, gaunt and pale and exhausted and so very beautiful, as I tried to grasp what she was saying. The only other time I knew of the Stelle not being able to track someone down, another witch had been the one to thwart them. “Wait, you think the Alchemists have witches on their payroll?”

Sydney shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised. Just because they don’t approve of something, just because they think something is evil, doesn’t mean they can’t set that aside to work with them for their own gain. Look at their working relationship with the Moroi.”

She was right, but the idea of Alchemists working with witches was something I hadn’t even thought to consider.

“It wouldn’t even have to be a very close working relationship,” Sydney mused. “Just have a witch come in and hide the building from other witches. It’s not as difficult as hiding a person because the building doesn’t move and can’t resist the spell. She does her job, they give her whatever she wants in return, and then they likely don’t have to deal with each other again, except maybe once or twice a year to make sure the spell is still active.”

I cursed under my breath. If that were the case, which we didn’t know for sure, it added yet another layer for us to work through in tracking her down. But aside from that, it was also one more thing for us worry about. All this time I had been under the impression that the Alchemists didn’t know about witches, that they believed Moroi magic was the extent of magic out there. If they knew about witches? It was one more thing Sydney had to hide from them, and it was an even more pressing concern than her hiding that she was legitimately in love with me because they didn’t know I was coming for her. But Sydney was the most brilliant person I knew, and she knew to be cautious. I had to trust that she would keep herself as safe as she could so I could do what I needed to do to track her down and get her out.

“I’ll still fill Jackie in and have her check again. Just to be sure,” I said. No way was I going to overlook any options. If there was even the slightest possibility that Jackie and the Stelle could find Sydney, I was going to ask them to try. “In the meantime, there isn’t anything you know about where you could possibly be? It doesn’t have to be based on proof. Even just a theory or a feeling.”

Sydney shook her head dejectedly. I knew how she hated not having the answers. I was about to brush it off, tell her it was okay and Marcus and I would figure it out when I practically saw a lightbulb pop up over her head.

“Keith!” she gasped, gripping my arms tightly and looking up at me with wide eyes. “He was here! In this same facility! In the same isolation room I just got out of. I saw his writing on the wall!”

Keith Darnell? God, could things get any worse? How in the hell was I supposed to track down Keith and then get him to tell me where he’d been held? Would he even know? Sydney had been there before, back when the Alchemists still trusted her, and they had gone to great lengths to hide the location from her even then. It didn’t seem very likely that the Alchemists would have told Keith anything, but maybe there was still something I could get out of him. I would probably have to compel him, but I didn’t have any moral qualms about. At this point, I doubted it would be much of a problem for Sydney, either.

Then, something she said caught my attention.

Isolation? I thought back to her comment about just being allowed out with the others. Had they been keeping her all alone for months? God help me, I wanted to rip them all to pieces, every last Alchemist who had anything to do with her captivity. I felt vengeful spirit swell within me, but I didn’t have time for righteous anger.

Before either of us could say anything else, the world around us began to tremble and dim.  

“What’s happening?” Sydney asked as the image around us shuddered. She pulled away from me and looked around as the fountain flickered beside us. “Is it your medication?”

When I’d first started taking my mood stabilizers, she had thought the worst of me when something similar had happened, assuming that I was drinking and struggling to hold onto the dream. I hadn’t had the strength to tell her yet that I was on medication, and I didn’t have the time now to tell her I was off it. Surely she would work that out for herself later, though. She knew the pills cut me off from my magic.

“No, we’re landing,” I said, heartbroken at the thought of being forced to let go.

“Don’t go, please.” She looked absolutely terrified as everything trembled again. It nearly broke me. I didn’t want to go, but even I couldn’t hold a spirit dream while being forced to participate in the waking world.

“I’ll come back,” I swore, cupping her face in my hands and resting my forehead against hers. “Tomorrow. I’ll find you again tomorrow. Is this the usual sleeping time?”

She took a deep, shaky breath and nodded her head. “I think so. There aren’t exactly clocks, and there are no windows, but I think so.”

“Good,” I said. If they were on a human schedule, the time would help us narrow down her location. But there really was no guarantee of that. “Then I’ll find you again tomorrow."

Her fingers dug into my arms, eyes wide and begging me to hold onto the dream as long as I possibly could. “Adrian, you need to find Keith.”

“I will.” I said, distraught as I felt her waver in my grip. “I … somehow, I’ll find him. Marcus will know how, or …”

“Carly. She’s a student at ASU. She told me before that he had reached out to her after his release. Something about repentance. She might know how to contact him.”

Of course Keith’s first stop after being released from mental torture had been to the girl he’d raped. That seemed pretty on brand for him. Under any other circumstance, I would want to rip him apart for that, but his abhorrent behavior may actually have been just what I needed for once.

“Will she even talk to me?” I asked, gritting my teeth to hold the dream as the image shimmered again. She wasn’t an Alchemist, but she had been raised the same way Sydney and Zoe had, and it wouldn’t surprise me if she held onto the same hang-ups about Moroi and dhampirs Sydney used to, and Zoe definitely still did.

“You’ll need to convince her that I sent you. You have to say something that only I would know,” she said frantically. I could see, even through her pain and fear, that she was fighting through the panic, fighting for logical thought. “You have to … ask her if … if college has made her consider adopting Cicero’s philosophy on life.”

“What?” I said. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s not supposed to make sense to you!” She gasped as the fountain disappeared next to us. “Carly will get it!”

She started to slip away from me as I felt myself becoming more aware on the plane. I swore desperately.

“Sydney,” I said, straining to hold onto her, and struggling to act calm for her. “I love you. I am going to find you.”

“I know you will,” she said with utter sincerity, but she was crying again. “I love you.”

Sydney’s words were still ringing in my ears when I came to on the plane. People were standing in the aisle, queuing to disembark too early as they always did after a flight, but I stayed seated, mind reeling and heart pounding. I had done it. I couldn’t believe I had managed to contact her. Through a gap in bodies, I saw Rose and Dimitri staring at me suspiciously from their seats across the aisle. I knew I couldn’t have caused a scene as they were the only two paying any attention to me, but with their dhampir senses, and the fact that they had likely been watching me all along, I guessed they could have noticed more of a change in me than the humans had.

My head was starting to throb from the effort it had taken to keep the dream intact but I didn’t feel that once-familiar madness, the intoxicating, dizzying feeling that used to drive me after so much spirit use, that used to terrify Sydney. My head hurt, but it was clear.

Now all I needed to do was convince a crazy brainwashed Alchemist to help me track her down, break into a high security Alchemist facility run by even crazier Alchemists, and get Sydney out.

Just a simple task for a spirit user as skilled as you are.

And if I could figure out a way to rid myself of my dead aunt’s voice in my head along the way, that would be icing on top of the cake.

Chapter Text

 I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I didn’t care that we were out in public. I didn’t care that he was Moroi. All that mattered was that he was Adrian, my Adrian. My match. My partner in crime, in the long battle I’d just signed on for to right the wrongs in the Alchemist and Moroi worlds. Maybe Marcus was right that I’d also signed myself up for disaster, but I didn’t care. In that moment, it seemed that as long as Adrian and I were together, there was no challenge too great for us.
- Sydney Sage and Adrian Ivashkov
The Indigo Spell, 394

Palm Springs just didn’t feel right without Sydney. Even after taking a little break from it and coming back with people who really hadn’t spent a whole lot of time here, being in my old apartment, where every little nook and cranny held memories of her, was surreal and highly disappointing.  

“We’ve managed to narrow down the list a bit,” Marcus was saying of his long list of Alchemist facilities Sydney could possibly be trapped in, lounging casually in one of the hard-backed chairs at the small kitchen table where Sydney and I had once shared a simple, perfect breakfast of pancakes the morning after the first frenzied night we had spent together here, after she and all the rest of our group had nearly gotten themselves killed by a Strigoi while I had slept soundly, completely unaware of the ridiculous danger they had subjected themselves to. “At least we know she isn’t being held in the southeast continental US.”

“Well, it’s more than we had before,” I said, proud of how optimistic I managed to sound. In truth, I was so very close to caving to despair, the terror on Sydney’s face as I was ripped away from her replaying in my mind. “One step closer to burning the Alchemists to the ground.”

“Hmm,” Marcus said thoughtfully. “Burn them to the ground. I like that. Remind me to have my people bring their pyrotechnics.”

“Pyrotechnics? Jesus, Adrian. Who the hell is this guy?” Rose said from her position next to the refrigerator. Dimitri had taken a stance in the narrow doorway and was surveying the room with great interest.

I ignored her, wanting nothing more than to formulate a plan of attack, but Marcus turned his attention to her.

“Marcus Finch,” he said cordially. “Former Alchemist, current bane of their existence. I’m private enemy number one, as it stands.”

“He’s a … sort of colleague of Sydney’s,” I translated.

“Loosely speaking,” Marcus said with a shrug. “She does bring up a good point, though. Obviously, I know who Rose Hathaway and Dimitri Belikov are, but it’s very presumptuous of you to not make any introductions or explain why you’ve exposed me to two very high-profile guardians when you know how important it is that no one knows where I am.”

I glared at him.

Why should you waste time on pointless introductions when you should be tracking down the girl?

Aunt Tatiana had a point, but I also realized that there wasn’t much we could do right now. Marcus had not, unfortunately, miraculously uncovered Sydney’s location in the twenty-four hours since we had last spoken, so it looked like we would have to plan a road trip to Sydney’s sister in Arizona after all.

“They’re going to help us rescue Sydney,” I said as non-combatively as I could. “They’re … my friends?”

Marcus laughed quickly, then shook his head. “Sorry. I just find it difficult to believe that anyone other than Saint Sydney would have the patience to be your friend.” 

Oh, how I wanted to punch him in his smug face again. He didn’t have his little bodyguard with him, and Sydney wasn’t here to stop me either. It would be easy.

You could use your compulsion on him. That would put an end to his smugness. Turn him into a bumbling fool.

But then he wouldn’t be able to help us, I reasoned silently.

Besides, he was only joking. I had to remind myself and my aunt that Marcus was, after all, sort of a friend now too. Look at me, making friends with my ex, an old romantic rival she’d cheated on me with, and the guy I’d traded blows with the first time we ever met. If that wasn’t maturing, I didn’t know what was.

“I’m Trey.” Everyone turned to look at the only other person in the room. Trey, my freshly-turned-eighteen, unofficial roommate, had been sitting on the counter next to the stovetop so quietly I’d honestly forgotten he was there. He and Marcus already knew each other, but this was his first time meeting Rose and Dimitri, and from the moderately awestruck way he was looking at them I figured Angeline had sung him their praises.

He waved. “I went to school with Sydney. I, uh, live here now.”

“You’re just a normal human,” Rose observed. “Why are you even here?”

“This is my apartment,” Trey said with a frown. I didn’t point out that the apartment didn’t really belong to anyone here. Technically, it still belonged to the Alchemists. Why they hadn’t broken the lease yet now that they had pulled their support from Palm Springs was a mystery. “And I’m not a normal human. I used to be with the Warriors of Light.”

“You what?” Rose said, looking shocked as Dimitri stiffened. I was surprised Mr. Guardian Supreme hadn’t immediately recognized him from when they had raided the compound and rescued Sonya. They may not have officially been introduced at the time, but Trey had been front and center during the proceedings.

“Yeah, he was one of the nutjobs who tried to kill Sonya,” I confirmed. I held up a hand before Rose and Dimitri could overreact and grab him or do whatever guardians would do to a human vampire hunter. Trey was a better fighter than most humans and even some dhampirs, but he wouldn’t stand a chance against Rose and Dimitri if I allowed them to believe he was a threat. “He’s reformed, though. No worries.”

As crazy as it was, the guy who had once been set to dedicate his entire life to joining a cult obsessed with killing vampires—Moroi and Strigoi alike—was actually now dating Angeline, a dhampir half-vampire. According to Sydney, he had wanted to rejoin the Warriors when he was first exiled after helping Sydney and Sonya escape their clutches, but I figured now that Angeline was in the picture, he had a new goal in life. I just didn’t know what that was, as I hadn’t had a whole lot of time to talk to him what with my current goal in life being finding Sydney. Maybe I would feel guilty for not taking the time to talk to him about his goals later when Sydney was safe—the guy was a decent roommate and a good friend even if I hadn’t been.

“We’re getting off topic,” I said, turning back to Marcus. “Look, I know you’re risking a lot being here and involved in this, but this is Sydney and we need to get to her.”

I turned to Rose and Dimitri. “I know I really twisted your arms to be here, and it’s fine if you’re not totally sold on what we’re doing. I just need you to be ready to kick ass when the time comes.”

“Trey,” I said, pivoting to him with a nod. “Thanks for being here. I always appreciate your support.”

“Hey, Sydney’s my friend too,” he said with a small shrug. Then a blood-thirsty look entered his eyes as he smiled. “And I don’t like the god-damn Alchemists either. I want to help burn them to the ground.”

“We are not burning anything,” Dimitri said firmly. “We are here to find Sydney and, if Adrian is correct, rescue her.”

“That’s my guy,” Rose said fondly, strolling across the kitchen to him. She punched him none-too-gently in the shoulder; his only reaction was to smile down at her as he drew her close by the waist. I looked away, jealous in a different way than I used to be around them. Somehow, it was more painful seeing them together now than it had been when I’d thought she was the one I loved. “Always taking the fun out of everything.”

“Trust me,” Marcus said seriously, staring at them. “If you care about Sydney at all, when you see what they’re doing in there you’ll be the ones striking the match. Because, unfortunately, Adrian is correct.”

The soft smile slid from Dimitri’s face as he shifted out of boyfriend mode and back into guardian mode.

“We still need proof before we do anything rash,” he said.

“We have proof!” I snapped before Rose could cut in with another joke about how her best work stemmed from rash decisions. I knew that he didn’t mean to imply that he didn’t believe me—I was even pretty sure that he did believe me, and that he even believed Sydney loved me back even if Rose wasn’t convinced, but we couldn’t keep getting derailed. “Sydney told me what they’re doing to her. Keeping her drugged and mind-fucking her.”

I had already brought everyone up to speed the second Trey led us into the kitchen to find Marcus already there making himself comfortable.

“She told you this … in a dream?” Trey said uncertainly, glancing around like he was expecting one of the others to give him the yeah, Adrian’s crazy look I was so used to seeing. Technically I was crazy, but not for this reason, and none of them shared Trey’s disbelief. Rose had obviously experienced it many times before and during our short-lived but intense—on my end, anyway—relationship, and I’d spirit dreamed with Marcus on a few different occasions.

“It’s a thing Adrian does. Spirit user,” Rose explained, wiggling her fingers in a way that implied magic. “It’s actually really cool.”

Before I could do more than raise my eyebrows at the compliment, there was a knock at the door. Dimitri and Rose both snapped to attention immediately, and Marcus glanced around suspiciously. Trey seemed a little confused by their reactions, but I had a pretty good idea who had come for a visit less than an hour after we arrived, even if it was barely past five in the morning. Ignoring Dimitri’s hushed warning, I marched past him and flung the door open.

And immediately had my arms full of weeping teenage girl.

“Hey, Jailbait,” I murmured, holding Jill close to my chest. “Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine.”

“We have to find her, Adrian! We need her back!” she wailed, and pulled back far enough to stare up at me.

“I know, I know. We will,” I told her soothingly and she immediately buried her face in my chest again as if I was the only one who could possibly offer her an ounce of comfort. I turned my gaze to the three figures standing behind her and grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

Only Eddie really knew what I meant by that; I didn’t think Neil and Angeline understood the bond well enough to know that Jill wasn’t only feeling her own grief over Sydney’s situation, but mine as well. She hadn’t been like this before, when I was here, but we’d known all along that the bond, as inconvenient as it was sometimes, was easier to manage when we were near each other. After our time apart, Jill was suffering. Not only was she grieving a close friend who had been like an older sister, but she was experiencing my loss of the love of my life, and I had been gone and unable to help her deal with our emotions. I could only imagine how insufferably depressed and grief stricken she had been the past couple months I’d been gone. From the looks of things, with her swollen, puffy face and unkempt hair, I guessed she’d been doing a whole lot of sobbing.

Eddie shrugged. “We’ve all been a mess.”

I took a good look at him and decided to believe him. He had deep, dark circles beneath his eyes as if he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since the night Sydney had been taken from us, and there was a stressed and sorrowful feel in the set of his frown. I wondered if he had been reliving his last moments with her; I knew he had blamed himself for allowing Sydney to trick him into leaving her alone for the Alchemists to catch her, and it didn’t look like he had let up on himself yet.

Admittedly, I probably hadn’t helped at first, so horrified and depressed had I been that Eddie had felt like I blamed him too. I wanted to reassure him now—Sydney was a genius who often outsmarted me, and it was definitely in her character to sacrifice herself for her loved ones—but didn’t think it would be appropriate in front of so many people. He probably wouldn’t appreciate me calling attention to his emotional state in front of Rose and Dimitri especially.

“What are you doing here?” Dimitri asked before I would have had the chance, anyway. He and Rose were following Trey over to us, but while Trey was making a beeline for Angeline, Rose and Dimitri were more focused on Eddie. “You are supposed to be keeping the princess safe at the school.”

“She needed to see Adrian,” Eddie said stiffly. As far as I could tell, Eddie had always thought of Dimitri as a god, and Rose had been one of his best friends back at St. Vladimir’s, so I could only guess that he was feeling strange about having others here telling him what to do when he’d always been the guardian in charge in Palm Springs. Dimitri had seniority and therefore technically held authority over all the rest of the guardians here, but Eddie and Rose were on a level field with each other, and both were the primary sworn guardians of the last two members of the ruling family. Eddie probably resented Dimitri questioning him. I know I would have.

“Geez, Eddie. You look like crap,” Rose said, pushing past Dimitri to stand in front of Eddie. Lissa was Rose’s best friend, but Rose had always been close with Eddie and Mason during their dhampir training and they had both been there when Mason had been killed by Strigoi. She knew him well, and I could tell that she was coming at him from a place of concern.

Eddie stared at her for a moment, and I wondered if he was also thinking about Mason and relating that loss to his inability to save Sydney that night.

“You know how hard it’s been on us,” he finally said. The accusation in his tone surprised even me. I knew he had done his part after Sydney’s abduction, had filed his official statements and asked Lissa for her help rescuing Sydney. Apparently, he also resented that it had taken so much convincing to get our closest friends to help us out.

“Look, Eddie. I get it. I wanted to help sooner, too. But what was Lissa supposed to do?” Rose said quietly. “She’s an Alchemist. You know we don’t have any authority over them, and Liss couldn’t exactly—”

“She’s not a normal Alchemist,” Angeline cut in, hand clasped firmly in Trey’s. “She’s not anything like those stuck-up assholes who stop by the Keepers sometimes. Or like her annoying little sister. She always goes out of her way to help us with stuff she’s not even supposed to be helping us with and she doesn’t judge us or make us feel like monsters just for how we live. Or who we love.”

Her gaze flickered to me at that last part, just for a second, but she didn’t outright point out my romantic relationship with Sydney.

The Palm Springs group all knew about our relationship. Jill, obviously, had known from the start, and Eddie had told me that Sydney confirmed his suspicions not even an hour before she was taken. I’d had no choice but to fill everyone else in and really there was no reason not to once she was already in re-education for it. Angeline wasn’t disgusted at all and claimed she had known ever since Sydney came back to Amberwood with the birthday cupcakes she had seen in my apartment the day before. Neil had offered no judgment but didn’t seem particularly surprised after our time together at Court. Trey and Marcus didn’t really seem to have an opinion either way, since Marcus personally knew me and had made a habit of breaking Alchemist rules and Trey was also in a taboo relationship that Sydney had strongly encouraged.

To everyone’s astonishment, Neil spoke up. His slight British accent no longer irritated me now that Jill and Angeline weren’t pretending to be interested in him anymore. And he really was one of the most loyal, most trustworthy people I knew. I would probably never admit it out loud, but I had harshly misjudged him before I got to know him.

“She truly is unlike any other,” he said, and I knew he was referring to her magic use in combination with her lack of disgust for Moroi and dhampirs. “But you both should know that after all of the rather unorthodox assistance she provided you with last year.”

Rose did look chagrined at that, and she spared a glance for Dimitri. For all that she truly did think of Sydney as a friend, she still hadn’t expected to come here and find that our Palm Springs group had formed more than a casual camaraderie. As unlikely as it was, two royal Moroi, two badass guardians, a hotheaded dhampir raised by the Keepers, a reformed vampire-slayer-in-training, and an incredibly sexy, impossibly smart, rebellious Alchemist who happened to also be a very powerful witch, had formed an incredibly tight-knit group.

“Sure,” Rose said. “She’s definitely more likeable than your average Alchemist. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. But she’s still—”

“Our family,” Jill interrupted, tone firm, as she lifted her head from my chest for the first time to glare tearfully at Rose and Dimitri. “We’re a family here and Sydney wouldn’t just disappear on us, even if she was reassigned. She wouldn’t do that to any of us.” 

“Yeah, Sydney’s like our mom!” Angeline said, jumping on the family analogy with gusto.

Did that make me their dad? God help them. I was a mess without Sydney to keep me grounded. Hell, half the time I was a mess even with Sydney around to keep me grounded.

Jill smiled wryly at me; the bond was running strong today. To be fair, though, it could have been running strong every day. My emotions had been on high for months and I hadn’t exactly been around in a while. Sydney would be ashamed of me for leaving Jill behind.

Jill pulled away from me completely and stood in front of me with her hands on her hips, looking crossly up at me. Everyone else looked startled by the sudden change in her.

“Stop thinking that way,” she demanded. “Your dad made you leave, and now you’re back and you’ve brought help.”

“Get out of my head, Jailbait,” I joked weakly.

“Wouldn’t that be nice?” she said in a falsely contemplative tone as if we hadn’t been working on figuring out how to subdue the bond ever since I’d brought her back to life. Then, she turned sorrowful again. No doubt my messed up brain had been screwing with her emotions as much as it had been with mine lately. “At least I got to see her through you. But she looked so scared, Adrian.”

Right. Jill couldn’t actually see what I saw during a spirit dream, but she could see it all in my memories if I thought back on it. Which, of course, I had been doing pretty much nonstop since it had ended.

Rose was watching us again, looking very much like she was burning with questions. She knew more about the bond than even Jill and I did, and she knew Jill pretty well too. Jill was a sweet girl, and she was brimming with all the emotions of a hormonal teenager, but I could tell Rose suspected that her state had more to do with me. I knew Rose had often felt what Lissa was feeling when they were bonded, but the way she spoke about it made it seem like she was more interpreting Lissa’s feelings. Sort of like I did with auras. She had never alluded to catching Lissa’s feelings the way Jill caught mine except for the one time she’d told me she had literally taken the darkness from Lissa and momentarily lost her shit to keep Lissa from going crazy. Maybe I was just a lot more messed up than Lissa and that made it harder on Jill.

I touched the tips of my fingers to Jill’s elbow and gently drew her into the living room, away from everyone else. Again, it looked like Rose wanted to follow, but Eddie caught her attention and led her back into the kitchen for further debriefing with everyone else.

I sat Jill down on the couch and settled beside her, resting my arm on her shoulders as she leaned toward me. I did feel awful for leaving her behind, but she was right that I hadn’t really had much of a choice when my father had called me back to Court.

“Jill, everything’s going to be okay,” I said softly. “I promised Sydney I would get her out and you know I meant it. We’ll see her soon in person.”

“I know what you said, and I know that you meant it,” Jill cried. “But I also feel what you feel.”

I winced. “I know. I’m so sorry, Jill. I don’t want you to feel this. You shouldn’t be feeling this, any of this.” Sweet, innocent Jill wasn’t so sweet and innocent after a year in my fucked up head.

“Neither should you,” she said. “They should never have taken her.”

She’s right, you know. If you had only been there. If you had only saved her.

Jill looked up sharply. It was difficult to meet her eyes, knowing that she had just heard my phantom aunt in my mind, knowing that she had heard how crazy I was. Of course she’d known about it all along, but I had never actually seenher hear it before. I cleared my throat.

“You just have to try to block me out,” I said helplessly. She snorted humorlessly. She had been trying all along to no avail. “Maybe Rose has some more tips.”

But we both knew she didn’t. Rose and Lissa’s bond had been strong, but in some ways, I wondered if mine and Jill’s was stronger. Jill couldn’t easily shake off the moments she was pulled into my head, and it seemed like my thoughts were almost like a constant stream-of-consciousness for her. I wondered if it had something to do with intention. I had known what I was doing when I’d brought Jill back to life. Lissa hadn’t. She hadn’t even known what spirit was, or that she wielded it. Had my intentionally saving Jill, knowing it would create a bond, made our bond that much stronger? We didn’t exactly have a ton of other spiritbound pairs to compare with, so it was impossible to say. That, and Lissa and Rose weren’t even bonded anymore after Rose had died a second time and been brought back by medicine and sheer stubbornness instead of magic.

“Maybe she does,” Jill said, but I knew she was only placating me.

She knew as well as I did that there was only one way to quiet our bond. The only time she had ever had any reprieve had been those couple of months I’d been on my medication and was completely  cut off from spirit.

“No, Adrian. Not until Sydney is safe, and only if you want to give it up again,” Jill said firmly. “I can handle it, especially when you’re with her.”

She was putting on a brave face, pushing down the awful darkness that swirled in her through me. It was probably easier for her to do it when she could see how I was presenting instead of just feeling the helplessness that I felt. Jill opened her mouth again, and I put a hand out to stop her.

“Stop responding to my thoughts,” I ordered. “First step to trying to regain normal is to act like we are normal.”

I said it confidently, as if I had any evidence to back my claim other than a strong belief in the phrase fake it ‘til you make it.

“It’s just so hard,” she said. “We feel everything so strongly and I just want to help.”

She was right; the shrink I’d been to once diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and explained in as simple terms as he could that my brain sometimes struggled to regulate my emotions correctly. There were times I wasn’t happy; I was elated. I wasn’t sad; I was depressed. I wasn’t interested; I was obsessed. The pills he’d prescribed me had done a decent job of bringing me to an emotional middle ground, though thankfully they hadn’t made me into an unfeeling zombie like I’d initially feared. They also hadn’t in any way altered the depth of my feelings for Sydney. I had never doubted it, but it had still been a relief to know that my love for her was real and not intensified by some chemical imbalance in my brain.

“We’re going to do it,” Jill said quietly. “We're going to save her, and we’ll all be together again.”

I smiled softly at her. Talking to her actually had managed to make me feel better, and it looked like our conversation had bolstered her spirits as well. Part of the nature of our bond was that it was actually detrimental to both of our mental states to be apart. I worried for what would become of us once I had Sydney back. Likely we would have to be on the run, but Jill still had to be kept safe. Two people could manage to be on the run together, evading capture, but a whole group like this? It had taken a lot of forged papers and meticulous cover stories and endless help from the Alchemists to get this set up. How could we possibly hope to evade the very people who had concocted this impossible cover story? I wasn’t the smart one; I was just a very determined guy who, until recently, had never been told I couldn’t have anything I wanted. Sydney was the genius; she was the one who always came up with the solutions. I was just there for support. I felt an all-too-common surge of desperation come over me and wanted nothing more than to get back to my search.

I nodded towards the kitchen. “Come on. Let’s go join the others before your boyfriend has a heart attack.”

Never mind that I was the one truly at risk.

Jill frowned and rolled her eyes. “Maybe when we find Sydney she can talk some sense into him and that’ll actually be true.”

“He’s still stuck on believing he’s not good enough for you?” I asked.

I knew they had kissed once, but he had told her he needed to think things over before they truly got together. And after he had failed to protect Sydney, he had only grown more convinced of his own inadequacy.

“Unfortunately,” Jill said morosely, then eyed me thoughtfully. “Unless you want to talk to him.”

I personally didn’t think there was much I could say to convince Eddie of anything. Jill was right to think Sydney might be able to, though. The twin angle at Amberwood may have just been a front, but Eddie and Sydney had truly developed a sibling-like bond. Even if they hadn’t, Sydney could probably talk anyone into anything.

I didn’t know how much longer I could go on missing her.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I said eventually, but I was sure Eddie would be as focused on getting to Sydney as I was.

Jill was looking at me sadly again, and I shook my head. She sighed, then stood and reached down for my hand. I took her hand in mine and rose to follow her to the kitchen. We stood in the doorway, catching the tail end of Marcus’s debriefing. From the concentration on the Palm Springs dhampirs’ faces, it seemed Jill hadn’t been able to tell them much about my conversation with Sydney.

“So, what’s the play?” Eddie asked me, noticing immediately when Jill and I entered.

Before I could answer, Marcus sighed. “Unfortunately Sydney wasn’t able to give Adrian any definitive lead on where she’s being held. Just that conditions are not … ideal. And that there are others being held with her. Neither of those things are particularly surprising, though, so for now we’re still gathering intel.”

Angeline, arms crossed over her chest where she stood with Trey’s arm around her, scoffed and rolled her eyes. “That’s all we’ve been doing for months! Waiting around for you to gather information! And you still don’t have any real leads other than telling us where she isn’t. We need to be out there doing something!”

“We can’t mount a rescue mission if we don’t know where we’re rescuing her from,” Eddie pointed out, tone even and calm. I could tell, even without pulling on spirit to read his aura, that he was as frustrated as Angeline, though. He was just quieter about it. Stoic. I hadn’t nicknamed him mini Dimitri for nothing.

“We do have a possible lead, though,” Jill said softly from beside me. When everyone looked at her, she looked up at me. “Tell them.”

I hadn’t mentioned it yet, not because I was intentionally withholding information, but because I really hadn’t gotten around to it.

“Keith Darnell,” I sighed. “Sydney thinks … no, she knows that the facility she’s being held at is the same one Keith was re-educated in. She thinks he might be able to help.”

“Keith?” Rose asked, face distorted by disgust. “That headcase who was stealing Clarence’s blood to sell to human tattoo artists? Why would he help?”

“Well …” I hesitated, frowning over how to delicately explain the situation. “He’s sort of, in a way, indebted to Sydney’s sister.”

“Zoe?” Neil, usually nearly as stoic as Eddie, gaped at me.

“Isn’t she the one who you said turned Sydney in?” Rose asked.

“No. Well, yes, but I’m not talking about Zoe,” I said. “Their older sister, Carly. Sydney’s pretty sure that Carly can get Keith to talk to us.”

“So for now we just keep waiting?” Angeline asked, throwing her hands up in disgust.

“While Marcus and I track down Carly and Keith,” I said. “Yes, you wait.”

“I’m coming with you,” Eddie said firmly with a decisive nod.

“You’re still the princess’s primary guardian,” Dimitri said. There was no real reprimand or authoritativeness in his tone, but Eddie still stiffened as if he had been rebuked. “Your sole duty is her protection.”

“Dimitri and I will be with Adrian and Marcus,” Rose told Eddie, jostling his shoulder playfully. “You don’t think we’re enough protection?”

“Of course you are,” Eddie said, only meeting her eyes for a second before he looked at Jill. But I knew that protecting Moroi hadn’t been on Eddie’s mind for once. It had been redemption, and an overwhelming need to be on the frontlines to get Sydney out. “I’ll be by your side.”

I didn’t need spirit or any bond to feel the passion in Jill when she held his gaze for a long moment and nodded. “Until they find her. And then you will be there to get her out.”

“What?” Baffled, Rose shook her head. “No, he’s your—”

But Jill cut her off. She hadn’t been royal for long, or at least she hadn’t known she was royal for long, but you would never have been able to tell from the commanding way in which she spoke now.

“I don’t need three guardians flanking me at a human prep school. Angeline and Neil will still be with me. Neil won’t leave my side during the day, and Angeline is always with me at night.” Angeline looked ready to protest, but Neil stood tall and proud though I knew he wanted to be there for Sydney as well. Jill didn’t look at either of them, though. She only had eyes for Eddie, who was staring right back at her. “You will be there the second they know where she is. And you will get her out. I command you.”

His eyes flashed with love for her, and though his posture didn’t falter for a moment from his ready guardian stance, he did let out a sharp, relieved breath. After a moment, he bowed his head. “Thank you.”

Rose looked dumbfounded, and Dimitri disapproving. I was pretty sure that they, through Lissa’s authority, could overrule Jill’s command, but they seemed to accept that they just didn’t understand the group dynamic and let it slide. Even Dimitri, who had briefly been part of the group while helping Sonya and me with our research, didn’t fully understand.

Besides, Jill was right. Nothing truly dangerous by Moroi standards had ever happened at Amberwood. Everything risky had gone down away from school, in dark alleys and in this apartment. Neil and Angeline would be more than enough protection while Eddie took a day or two to mount a risky rescue mission.

“Aw, hell,” Angeline grumbled and turned to Trey. “If I’m stuck at school, I at least need to know you’ll be there to help them.”

“Hell yeah,” Trey said looking nearly as fierce as the guardians in the room. “I don’t answer to anyone. No one’s stopping me.”

I could tell by Rose’s expression that she didn’t think having another human along would be much of an asset, but I knew—and so did Eddie and Neil—that Trey was as good in a fight as most promised guardians. Angeline was right. If we could only have one of Jill’s guardians, we could at least have a badass ex-Warrior, too.

Marcus, at least, seemed to be on the same page as me. He gave an appreciative nod. “Good. I have a small group of my people on standby as well. They’re ready to move as soon as we have more information.”

“With pyrotechnics?” Rose said drily.

“Yes, I’ll make sure of it,” Marcus said seriously.

Rose looked very much like she wanted to question his sanity again. She clearly understood that there was something awful afoot, but that didn’t mean she fully grasped the magnitude of the situation, or how far I was willing to go for Sydney.

“You should get Princess Jill back to school,” Dimitri said, pulling Eddie and Jill out of their heated staring contest. “Classes should be starting soon, yes? And you still aren’t in uniform.”

Eddie blinked, snapping out of his feelings and back into guardian mode. I felt Jill droop in disappointment and gave her a bolstering squeeze with the arm I had over her shoulders. Their relationship was not a lost cause. Eddie wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her for much longer.

Jill elbowed me in the side, and I jerked away from her. Her cheeks had a rosy flush, and I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone could guess at my thoughts from her reaction, but no one was paying us much attention anymore as movement filled the room. Trey quickly disappeared down the hall to the bedroom while everyone else exchanged farewells and promises to stay updated.

I turned and pulled Jill back into my arms, resting my chin on the top of her head. She peered up at me with watery eyes when I pulled back.

“Everything is going to work out,” I promised her. Everything. With Sydney, with Eddie, with the Alchemists, with her royal status. I wouldn’t let her down.

“You could never let me down,” she whispered as I dropped a kiss on the top of her head.

I moved to lay out on the couch as everyone gathered by the door. I heard Trey asking if he could catch a ride back to school with them as I closed my eyes and reached for spirit.

“She won’t be asleep.”

I opened my eyes to find that Marcus had followed me to the living room.  

“It’s been, what? Four hours?” He shook his head and sprawled out in the yellow recliner across the room and noisily began unwrapping an energy bar. “You don’t know how long she was out before you found her, and that was hours ago. They won’t let them have a full eight hours uninterrupted. They’ll have woken her up by now. Save your magic.”

It would be an ex-Alchemist who warned me to watch my spirit use. Before I’d started the mood stabilizers, Sydney had been on me all the time to be careful, to not use it needlessly. She had been right then, and Marcus was right now.

Sighing, I sat up and faced him. “You up for a road trip to Arizona?”

Chapter Text

            “My God, Sage. Your eyes. How have I never noticed them?”
            That uncomfortable feeling was spreading over me again. “What about them?”
            “The color,” he breathed. “When you stand in the light. They’re amazing … like molten gold. I could paint those …” He reached toward me but then pulled back. “They’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

- Adrian Ivashkov and Sydney Sage 
Bloodlines, 412-3

I called Jackie once we were en route to Carly. Sydney believed the coven wouldn’t be able to track her, but I was still hopeful that they could reach her in some way now that her body was free of the drugs the Alchemists had been pumping into her. She answered on the first ring.

“Adrian. What a pleasant surprise.” Hearing her voice brought me back to all the times I had crashed Sydney’s magic lessons. The callback made my throat tight. “Any word on our girl?”

“Jackie.” I tried to swallow the swell of emotions making it difficult to speak, but there was no use. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”

From the passenger seat, Rose was doing a pretty awful job of pretending she wasn’t eavesdropping on my side of the conversation. When I had mentioned calling on witches for help, she had looked at me like I was crazy and the entire time we had been getting ready to go, she’d been staring at me like she didn’t know me. It wasn’t the existence of witches that shocked her, I didn’t think, but the fact that I was apparently chummy with them. In love with a human, in contact with an arms dealer as she’d called him before, and now I was friends with witches. She really didn’t know me anymore; I wasn’t the same the person I was when I’d first come to live in Palm Springs, and I definitely wasn’t the same person I was when she and I had been in a relationship.

“I actually have some promising news,” I told Jackie. “I was finally able to get Sydney in a dream.”

She was silent for several seconds before I heard her draw a tremulous breath. “You were? Oh, Adrian, that’s wonderful.”

“Yeah, they were pumping her full of drugs, which was keeping me out,” I said. “But they’ve stopped now.”

“Oh, that’s awful to hear.” Jackie sounded as heartbroken as I felt. “Was she able to tell you where she is?”

“No, she doesn’t know. We’re tracking down her older sister who might have a lead on someone who can help.” I paused and took a deep breath against the sudden overwhelming thought: what if Keith couldn’t or wouldn’t help? “In the meantime, though, just in case this doesn’t go anywhere, I was wondering if you can search for her again.”

“Of course. I’ll do anything to help find Sydney,” Jackie said immediately.

“She doesn’t have much faith in it working, but I figured …” I trailed off hopefully.

“Now that she’s got a clear mind, we may have more luck, just like you did. It’s always worth a shot,” she said when she realized I had no more words. “I’ll tell you this. I have been searching for her regularly on my own and the Stelle has gathered every full moon since she was taken to try a stronger locator spell. I’ll try again tonight, and if that doesn’t yield anything, tomorrow is the full moon, and the Stelle will have a go.”

“I should tell you,” I said hesitantly, “Sydney’s concerned there may be a witch working with the Alchemists and protecting the building. She said it wouldn’t require too much interaction and the rewards outweigh the risk of being exposed to magic.”

Jackie took a moment before she replied, and when she did, her voice was very gentle, like she was breaking bad news to me. “Adrian, she may be right. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t had a similar thought. Drugs wouldn’t block our spells like this. To some extent, perhaps, but not entirely. We’re searching for her body, you see? You’re searching for her mind. Different lines of defense.”

“That makes sense,” I admitted. “So … it’s pretty much hopeless.”

“I didn’t say that, Adrian. Nothing is hopeless,” Jackie said firmly. “Whoever this witch is, assuming there is a witch, she can’t stand against the entire coven alone. If there is a spell in place, we will break it.”  

I felt a burning behind my eyes, yet another hot swell of emotion. “Thank you. I’ve been so …” I stopped myself, more out of habit than anything else. I was so used to keeping my relationship with Sydney a secret that I wasn’t used to speaking about it freely even when everyone already knew about it. “Thank you for being so willing to help.”

“It’s not nearly the same, I know, but I care deeply about her too, Adrian. Sydney’s a fighter. She’ll get through this.” Jackie paused, distracted as I heard a clamor on her end. “I have to go now. My first class is arriving. I’ll let you know how it goes. Keep your head up.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled again.

“What did she say?” Marcus asked as soon as I hung up.

“She’s going to try tonight and if that doesn’t work, she’ll get the whole coven together to try tomorrow,” I told him.

“Does she think it will work now that Sydney isn’t being kept sedated?” he demanded.

I shrugged, unwilling to admit that the odds weren’t good for tonight, even if things were looking up for tomorrow night. “She said it’s worth a try.”

“So she’s not exactly confident,” Rose said, turning in her seat to join the conversation.

I looked at her. At one point, not even that long ago, I had thought she was the love of my life. Now, I couldn’t dredge up even an ounce of those romantic notions for her, not that I wanted to.

“At least they want to help,” I said.

At least I didn’t have to beg them. I didn’t say that, of course, but I could tell by the slightly wounded expression on her face that she knew what I wanted to say. It wasn’t particularly fair of me, really, since Rose had at least tried to reason with Lissa. Before either of us could speak again, Marcus’s burner phone rang.

“That will be my contact,” he said, answering quickly.

He had reached out to some computer genius he had presumably helped in the past and had to leave a message to get back to him. At the moment, we were just blindly driving to Carly’s college, but our hope was that this IT person could hack into ASU’s files and get us her address and all the relevant information.

Rose turned back around in her seat, but I could still feel her glancing at me in the mirror every few minutes. I closed my eyes, hoping that if she thought I was asleep she might leave me alone.

I knew Marcus had been right back at the apartment, that there was little chance Sydney would still be asleep, but I couldn’t stop myself from trying anyway. Quickly, and with almost no effort, I slipped into the trance-like state necessary for spirit dreaming and reached out. Nothing happened. Even though I had expected that, I still felt a moment of panic. What if last night was a fluke? What if I couldn’t reach her again?

Centrum Permanebit. The center will hold.

She wasn’t here, in the car or in the dream, but I heard her voice so clearly in my mind reminding me, giving me the strength to endure. The phrase had been a sweet, romantic thing between us before. Just something to hold onto when Zoe kept us apart for a day or two too long and I thought I would lose my mind not being able to hold her. Now it would keep me going until I had her back.

I let the dream dissolve, but didn’t open my eyes. It would be a few hours before we even hit Arizona, much less ASU, and I didn’t want to keep catching Rose’s gaze in the mirror. Surprisingly, I was able to score a bit of sleep in the car and by the time we pulled into the dorm parking at ASU, I was as well rested as I had been in months. Which was to say, vaguely rested.

“I still don’t get what dirt some college student could have on an Alchemist that would get him to help us find Sydney,” Rose muttered as she trailed behind Marcus and me. I had tried to convince her to stay with Dimitri as look out in the parking lot, but she had stoutly refused. Her guardian training wouldn’t allow her to let a Moroi go off unprotected, even in the middle of the day. But more than that, I knew she was just curious to see how Carly compared to Sydney. I couldn’t fault her there; I was curious too.

“The Sage family is highly regarded among Alchemists,” Marcus said with a shrug. “Not the most powerful family, of course, but they’re well-respected. I’m sure all of them spent a lot of time with tons of Alchemists.”

“What about the Finch family? Are you guys respected?” I asked.

Marcus snorted and shot me a sidelong glance. “No one knew the name Finch until me, and it’s definitely not held in high regard now.” He shrugged like it didn’t really matter. “I haven’t seen my parents in almost six years, anyway.”

I wondered if Sydney’s behavior and subsequent imprisonment had tarnished her family’s name in the organization. Jared Sage’s two oldest daughters turning their backs on him and his teachings and leaving only one good, submissive daughter to carry on the family name? And a messy divorce? He had to be facing some kind of ramifications. Maybe that was why he was so quick to turn her in. Maybe the fact that the information came from him through Zoe worked in his favor. Just the thought made me burn with rage; how could a father turn his own daughter over to torture just to save his own reputation?

“So you’re like some kind of Robin Hood to the Alchemists’s Sheriff of Nottingham?” Rose said, making Marcus laugh and me stare at her in disbelief. She shot me a confused look. “What? You think I don’t know Robin Hood?”

“No, no, that’s not what I was …” I shook my head and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans. They were trembling, and I was suddenly nearly overcome by the urge for a cigarette. I cleared my throat. “That’s just the same analogy Sydney and I used.”

“This is it,” Marcus said, nodding up at a red brick building. His contact had done some digging while Dimitri had driven us out here and found the dorm Carly lived in. He had a room number and everything, but we figured we might have to end up charming our way inside considering it was a girls-only building. It was a good thing that Marcus and I were both damn charming guys when we wanted to be.

Leaving them behind, I bounded up the few steps and knocked on the white wooden door. It was early afternoon on a Thursday, but according to Marcus’s information Carly shouldn’t be in class right now. That didn’t mean she would be home, though. If she wasn’t here, I didn’t know what to do next. Sit and wait for her to come back?

Sydney and I had done something similar once back when Jackie had sent us to warn other young witches of an evil witch who was draining others of their power and youth. She hadn’t been home, and I’d managed to convince Sydney to pass the time at a frat party. Unfortunately, while we’d been distracted painting t-shirts and making out on a vaguely sticky kitchen floor, the girl we’d been looking for had been discovered drained.

The stakes weren’t so high this time, not for Carly, but I didn’t know how long I could make myself wait, not when we were this close. Not when we had our first real lead since Sydney had disappeared.

Marcus joined me on the doorstep and I was about to knock again when the door opened and a girl with short black hair and round glasses peered out at us. “Hi. Can I help you?”

There was red paint smeared on her forearm and a smudge of white on her neck.

“Hello.” Marcus shot her a charming, toothy grin that had a slightly bashful smile forming on her face as her gaze flitted from him to me and back again. “We were wondering if Carly Sage is around. We’re old friends. We were in the area and figured we’d stop by.”

“Oh.” She blinked in surprise, and I steeled myself for her to say that Carly wasn’t in. But then she nodded. “Yeah, give me one second.”

She left the door open, but didn’t invite us inside as she turned and walked down the hallway. Marcus turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

“We should probably wait for an explicit invitation,” I said in a hushed tone. “Especially since she’ll know what we are on sight.”

Marcus nodded, and a moment later a girl our age appeared in the door. For half a second, I froze, seeing Sydney. She wasn’t Sydney, of course. Her hair was longer, her eyes slightly smaller, lips just a little less full. And, of course, there was no tattoo on her cheek. There was, however, a small black bird permanently inked on her exposed collarbone. Signifying freedom, I assumed, as it was in flight.

Her curious gaze turned slightly cold as she regarded us, arms crossed where she stood blocking the doorway. “Whatever it is, I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“We’re friends of Sydney’s,” Marcus said quickly before she could shut the door in our faces.

Carly’s doubtful expression didn’t falter as she stared us down. “A Moroi, a dhampir, and someone who isn’t an Alchemist, but who has a very suspiciously placed tattoo. And I’m supposed to believe you’re my sister’s friends?”

“I’m Rose.” She shouldered her way between Marcus and me, probably figuring that if Carly wasn’t swayed by us, she should give it a go. “Sydney and I met in Russia.”

“You’re the one who almost got her sent to re-education. Did you even bother to check up on her afterward?” Carly said, looking unimpressed. “Some friend.”

If she was that unhappy with Rose almost getting Sydney hauled off to re-education, how would she react to me knowing that I actually had gotten her sent there? But there was a very good chance she didn’t know that about me, and I had to try.

I leaned forward, edging Rose out, and smiled at Carly. “I’m Adrian Ivashkov, and this is Marcus. Sydney wanted me to ask you if your time at college has made you want to take on Cicero’s philosophy on life?”

I had no idea what the words meant, just that they meant something to Sydney and, presumably, to her sister. Marcus sent me an odd look and opened his mouth as if to argue with me, but stopped when Carly let out a small, bemused laugh.

“Okay. Alright. Yeah, come on in,” she said, stepping aside and gesturing for us to follow her. She paused at the foot of the stairs and called back to the small group in the living room who I could see now were painting banners that demanded consent and respect. “I’m gonna take a breather! I’ve got something to take care of!”

There was a chorus of girls calling back, “Okay!” before she led us up the stairs and opened a door at the end of the hall, beckoning us into her room.

“I figured we’d need some privacy,” she explained, closing the door. “What is it?”

“We think Sydney’s in trouble,” I said slowly, figuring I might be best to lead this conversation.

“It wouldn’t surprise me with the barbaric rules she’s expected to follow,” Carly said, rolling her eyes as she took a seat on the edge of her bed. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”

I hesitated. I really didn’t know how much she knew. “Well, have you heard from her lately?”

Carly shook her head, but still looked relatively unconcerned. “No, but that’s not unusual. Besides, Zoe said she’s off on some big assignment and would be out of touch for a while.”

Marcus and I exchanged a glance, which only made Carly frown at us. Behind us, Rose had taken up a guardian’s stance against the closed door, apparently accepting that she was clearly not going to be the one to get through to Carly.

“Do you know something I don’t?” she demanded. “You need to tell me if you know something about my little sister.”

“We have it on good authority that Sydney’s been sent to re-education,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “For getting too … familiar … with the Moroi and dhampirs she was working with.”

“That’s why she wasn’t at the trial,” Carly said, swearing. “Is she okay?”

She directed this at Marcus, probably assuming he would know more, given the suspiciously placed tattoo she’d pointed out before.

“Well, that’s what we’re trying to figure out,” he said. “None of us have heard from her either.”

“We thought you might be able to help us find where she’s located,” I said.

“Me?” Carly laughed, bemused, and shook her head. “No, I don’t know anything. I left that life behind years ago. My father’s barely spoken to me since I told him I wasn’t going to join his little cult and Zoe’s not much better.”

“Well, you may not know,” I said softly, “but Keith Darnell might.”

Carly’s gaze was so sharp it nearly cut me down where I stood.

“Keith,” she hissed. “Of course. I should have known this would have something to do with him.”

I wanted to apologize, to take it back, to tell her she never needed to think about him again, let alone speak about him. But we needed to find him.

“I’m so sorry,” I murmured, stepping closer to her. “But we think wherever Sydney is, it’s the same place he was sent for his re-education.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she said brusquely, sighing. “It’s just … he keeps popping up lately. First, he showed up in person groveling for my forgiveness, repenting his sins, then the emails started, and the letters, begging me to turn him in to the authorities.”

“Jesus,” Marcus said. “What dirt do you have on this guy?”

“They had a, uh, pretty bad falling out,” I said delicately.

Carly looked Marcus dead in the eye and said, “Keith raped me. We went on one date, set up by my father of all people. He tried to gaslight me afterward. Told me I’d led him on, and that anyone I told would agree with him that it was all my fault. I didn’t even want to be on that date with him in the first place. Not really. I was never as interested in the Alchemist lifestyle as my sisters, but it was still my duty to make an advantageous match with a fine young Alchemist man.”

She snorted out a humorless laugh.

“The only person I told was Sydney, and only after I swore her to secrecy.” She glanced at me, clearly wondering how I seemed to know what had happened between them. “She tried to convince me to turn him in, but I couldn’t. I was so scared, and I believed him. I truly believed that anyone else, other than my sister, would take his side. My father probably would have. Anyway, I left as soon as I turned eighteen. Got as far away from him as I could. It’s been nearly five years and only recently have I stopped seeing him in every guy who looks at me. Now, I feel like if I can keep just one person from feeling that guilt and shame and self-doubt I’ll have served my purpose.

“I’ve forgiven myself for not having the courage to speak up when it happened, but I’ll never forgive him. So, no. I’m not going to turn him in to the police. The only reason he wants me to is because prison is a better alternative to what the Alchemists would do to him. Look at what they've already done. He can live the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, fearing the consequences of his actions, just like I had to.”

“Hell yeah,” Rose said, making me glance back at her. She had a fierce look on her face, like she agreed with the notion of making him suffer. I just had a pretty good feeling that Rose’s idea of Keith’s suffering would involve more physical pain than mental anguish.

I noticed then, looking around, that all of the posters on the wall had anti-rape themes, just like the banners they’d been painting downstairs.

It wasn’t easy to surprise Marcus, but glancing at him I saw that he looked completely awestruck now, staring at her. I had seen plenty of girls swoon over him, but never had he drooled over one.

“You’re incredible,” he said. “And so very brave.”

“You really didn’t turn him in?” I asked, shoving Marcus out of his lovestruck stupor.

Carly frowned at me. “No. What, you think I should put an end to his suffering?”

“Of course not,” I said. “I can’t stand the guy. I hated him before I knew what he’d done, and only more after I learned why Sydney was so uneasy around him.” This, I threw in so she could understand that Sydney hadn’t betrayed her confidence so much as confided in a friend about her own discomfort.

“I don’t care about him anymore. He has no power over me,” Carly said firmly. “I do care about Sydney, though. Tell me how I can help my sister, and I will.”

“Well, him not being in prison helps,” I said. “Any chance you might be able to help track him down?”  

“Easy,” Carly said, taking her phone out of her pocket and scrolling for a moment. “Here you go.”

She handed me the phone and I saw that she had pulled up an email in which Keith, as Carly had promised, begged her to turn him in, saying that it would be better to be in prison than go back to re-education. I realized she was showing me his electronic signature with a phone number and an address in Boise, Idaho.

“Boise.” I sighed. “The enticing scent of cow manure in the air.”  

Marcus looked over my shoulder, his own phone out to take down the address. He perked up. “There’s an Alchemist facility not far from there. Research-based. Truly miserable, desk job type of work. It’s exactly the type of place they send people they don’t trust. You sure he’s still there?”

“He emails me every few days asking me to report him, asking if there’s anything he can do to repent,” Carly said drily. “I’m sure. Will this really help?”

“We think so,” Marcus said. “We think talking to Keith can help us figure out where Sydney is. We’re going to find her.”

“Okay.” Carly nodded, looking determined. “Okay. If you need anything else from me, if you need me to talk to him, let me know.”

“I think you’ve just given us our biggest lead yet. You don’t need to risk yourself any further,” Marcus said gallantly.

“Are you crazy? Of course I have to! She’s my little sister! I want to help her! She would put her entire life on the line for anyone!” Carly said.

I swallowed thickly, once again seeing Sydney standing before me, hair like molten gold in the sunlight as she spoke out passionately.

“You’re right,” I managed. “She would. But right now, we’re just going to talk to Keith. We’ll let you know if we think of anything else you can do.”

“You better,” she said sternly. “Here, I’ll give you my number. Call me.”

“I’ll take that,” Marcus said quickly, and stepped forward, phone already in hand.

“Carly?” I said once Marcus had his phone back in his pocket and we were gearing up to leave. She looked up at me expectantly. “How did the trial go? Sydney will want to know.”

“Not great.” Her already troubled expression turned grim and she shook her head slowly. “I testified in favor of Mom, but Zoe was all for Dad and with all his bullshit evidence … he got full custody. Mom gets nothing. No visitation, no communication. Absolutely nothing.”

I reached out and touched the back of her hand, not daring to do more. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.” She nodded, unshed tears glistening in her brown eyes so similar to Sydney’s it physically pained me to see the sorrow in them. She shifted her hand to grip mine, her gaze turning fierce as she stared up at me. “You are going to get Sydney out, right? I can’t lose both of my little sisters to those monsters.”

Under any other circumstances, I probably would have laughed at the irony of a human, especially one so in-the-know, speaking to a Moroi, calling the Alchemists monsters. But at the moment all I could do was return her gaze earnestly.

“I promise you we’re going to get her out,” I told her. “I will do everything in my power to get her out.”

She studied me for a moment longer before the barest hint of a smile graced her lips. “You two are really close, aren’t you?”

I was no stranger to carefully worded sentences after all my experience with Sydney, so I was almost certain she was asking if we were in love. “Yes, we are.”

“How did she get caught?” Carly asked. I hesitated, and her hold on my hand tightened. “Tell me.”

I sighed. “Zoe realized how close she was to all of us, especially me, and told your dad. And he took it to the top.”

Her hand grew slack and fell from mine to hang limp at her side. All of her breath left her in a whoosh and then she snarled, “God damn cult.”

“Yeah, they’re the worst,” I agreed, and took her hand again in both of mine. “But, Carly, look at me.” I waited until she did, and repeated my promise. “I swear on my life that I am going to get her out.”

She gave another soft, sad laugh, and nodded, pulled her hand away to pass it over her face. “Well, when you do, let her know we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

“I will,” I said, and turned to follow Marcus and Rose, who were waiting by the open door and watching us. Marcus still had that lovestruck look on his face that almost made me want to laugh at him.

“What was that about Cicero?” Marcus blurted out as if the thought had been nagging at him. “He wasn’t really much of a philosopher, more of a politician.”

“Oh.” Carly laughed and shook her head as she led us back down the stairs. “Cicero is our family cat. A lazy bastard. Sydney and I used to joke that he had figured out what life was all about; eating, sleeping, and bathing. Sydney was so sad she would never be able to go to college, so I assured her I wouldn’t learn anything more valuable than what he’d taught us. Let me know if you need me to talk to him, but I would be surprised if Keith doesn’t fall all over himself to give you what you need when you drop my name. Nothing quite like Catholic guilt. And apparently the overwhelming terror instilled by re-education.”

The quickness of the topic change was jarring, but we had reached the front door, and she held it open for us. Rose stepped outside first, nodding to Carly on her way out.

“Thank you for your help,” I told her as I followed Rose out. “I’ll make sure Sydney calls you first chance we get.”

“She’d better.”

Finally, Marcus followed us out. He stopped in the doorway, turning to face Carly. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“You too,” Carly said with a small, knowing smile and promptly closed the door on him.

“Really?” I said to him. “I thought you had all the charm with the ladies. At least, that’s how Sydney tells it.”

“I usually do,” Marcus said, sounding as dumbfounded as he looked. “I have no idea what happened to me in there.”

I smirked and headed down the steps. “I have some idea.”

“Is re-education really so bad that going to prison would be better?” Rose mused aloud as we walked back the way we had come.

Marcus and I exchanged exasperated looks.

“We’ve been trying to tell you,” I said.  

She frowned and we walked the rest of the way in silence. Rose stopped us well before we reached the parking lot.

“Let’s not mention the whole rape thing to Dimitri,” she said in a hushed tone. Marcus shot her a questioning look and she clarified, again speaking quietly so Dimitri, still standing quite far from us near the car, couldn’t hear. “If we need this guy to talk, well … Dimitri may kill him first if he knows what happened. After his childhood, that kind of thing really gets to him.”

“As it should,” I mumbled. “But, agreed. I’m certainly not going to mention it.”

“I don’t make a habit of talking about people’s private experiences,” Marcus said, but he looked like his respect for Dimitri had just increased significantly. “But if one of you wants to mention it to him after we get whatever information we can out of Keith, that’s on you.”

Chapter Text

And when it was over, I was reluctant to let her go. I looked down at her face, with her flushed cheeks and damp strands of hair, and thought, Whether it’s simply some fierce animal joining of fates or a sublime merging of souls, she is mine, and I am hers.
 - Adrian Ivashkov 
The Fiery Heart, 301

Tracking Keith down was even simpler than tracking down Carly, considering we didn’t even have to enlist a hacker to get his exact address. We just had to follow a GPS directly to his door. Dimitri and Rose traded off driving shifts since it was a nearly sixteen-hour drive, which left Marcus and me to catch up on some much-needed sleep.

Well, I didn’t really sleep all that much. I spent most of the night in a spirit dream with Sydney. When I pulled her in, she blinked long and hard again, just like she had the night before, and I realized that the sunlight may be too much for her after being deprived of natural light for so long. So I changed up the setting of the dream, bringing her from the Getty Fountain to the room in the inn we’d spent so much time in when we’d been snowed in on our way back from Court.

I settled onto the bed with her, reveling in the way that she clung to me, in the way that she kissed me desperately. I certainly wasn’t complaining when she ripped the shirt off me, or when she shoved me down on my back and climbed over me. I couldn’t say which of us did it, but in the space of a single thought, we were both gloriously naked. I honestly didn’t bring us here for sex, but because it was the only other place besides the Palm Springs apartment where monumental things had happened between us.

There was a lot to talk about, but we needed each other. As she lifted her hips, shifted, and then lowered to draw me into her, I hissed through gritted teeth. I had never actually had sex in a spirit dream before, and I found that it wasn’t quite as gratifying as sex in the waking world, but it was a very close second.

The way she rode me was primal, there was a ferocity in it, as if she wasn’t sure if we would ever have the chance to do this again in real life. And when she came, she cried out in a way she had never dared before, when we’d had to be so careful to never be caught. She stilled over me, trembling, and I shifted, rolling us so that she was beneath me.

I kissed her, a long and languid melding of our lips and tongues as my hands roamed her body until she was arching up into me, her hands reaching to draw me down, to pull me back into her. I moved inside of her slowly, with long, deep thrusts that repeatedly brought our hips flush together. When she came again, she gasped breathlessly and clutched me close until I followed and collapsed beside her facedown on the bed.

When at last I was able to lift my head to look at her, intending to kiss her, I saw that her eyes were glistening with tears. Seeing that I’d noticed, she shook her head and covered her face in her hands.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she assured me as she began to cry in earnest.

I leaned over her, horrified to think that I had done something wrong, terrified that I had hurt her. I took her hands and gently drew them from her face so that I could look at her. “What happened? What did I do?”

She shook her head again and wrapped her arms around the back of my neck, pulling me down over her and pressing her face to my throat. It took her a few seconds to respond. When she did, her voice was steady, but small and muffled against my heated skin.

“I’m just so relieved that it still works.”

“Sex? It’s not quite the same in a spirit dream, but it’ll do in a pinch.” I pulled back to frown at her. I didn’t think that was what she was talking about. “You knew that, though. We almost had sex in a dream way back when you were still trying to convince yourself you weren’t madly in love with me.”

“We did not,” she said sharply, continuing before I could argue. “I was not going to lose my virginity in a dream, Adrian. I was just going to give in and have a very good, lengthy make out session with you.”

She was right, but not for the reasons that she thought. Technically, even if we had had sex that night, she would still have been a virgin. A spirit dream existed in both of our minds simultaneously. It was more real than your average dream, but it was still just a dream; none of what we did here actually happened in real life, but I knew she wouldn’t see it that way.

I had a long and sordid past, but everything about my feelings for Sydney was new and different and so much more real than anything I’d ever felt for anyone before. Even then, perhaps especially then when she couldn’t even admit to herself what she felt for me, I wouldn’t have taken advantage of her moment of weakness. I would push boundaries and steal kisses, certainly, and I would leap at the chance to take those kisses further, trail my lips and my hands along her body. But I would never have taken her virginity until she knew what I had known for so long. Until she could admit that she was as hopelessly in love with me as I was with her.  

I still didn’t believe that she hadn’t been ready to have sex right then and there on that tabletop in the dream that night. Miss I’m a quick study had been ready to learn all that I could teach her. But she hadn’t been ready to love me, and so I hadn’t been ready to teach her.

“What works?” I asked, bringing us back to the topic of her short-lived breakdown.

“My heart.” She sighed. “We had a group therapy session today and they made me announce what I was brought in for. I had to say … just awful things. About you. I didn’t want to, but if I don’t play along, they’ll send me back to that horrible cell and pump me full of drugs again and I won’t be able to see you.”

I stared in disbelief. There was no way she actually felt guilty for that, was there? But as I watched her I knew that she did. As ridiculous as it was, Sydney felt like she had betrayed me in the way she had played her captors.

“Hey.” I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her. My heart ached at the sorrowful look in her eyes. “Don’t ever feel bad for playing their games. Say whatever you have to say about me to ensure your wellbeing. Relative wellbeing, anyway.”

She nodded, but she still looked upset by whatever she had told them.

“I mean it. If you have to tell them that I used compulsion on you, do it. If you have to tell them that I forced you, do it. I don’t care what a bunch of prejudiced religious brainiacs think of me. I only care about you. Besides, it’s not your heart. Love is a chemical reaction in the brain, and yours is the strongest I know. They can’t take that from you.”

I pressed a kiss to her temple and had the satisfaction of watching that sorrow fade away, not completely but almost, to a soft, tender look as she sighed.

“Oh, Adrian.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and drew me in, pressing our lips together in a soft, sweet kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said, and then smirked against her lips. “I knew it. I knew saying something science-brainy would do it for you.”

“Well of course,” she said with a watery smile. “You know me better than anyone.” 

“I can’t wait to have you in my arms in the waking world,” I told her. “Although, I think I’m going to have some competition. Jill was as distraught as I was when it all ended so suddenly last night.”

She didn’t balk at the mention of Jill, or the reminder that the bond was back on and she was inevitably going to see all of this when I ended the dream. That, along with my fragile grasp on my sanity, was one of the many negative side effects of going off my mood stabilizers. There was really no way around it right now; the only way for us to be together for the time being was in spirit dreams, and we couldn’t not be together. And clearly we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves when there was no telling when we would see each other next. It was just an unfortunate facet of our lives, and the three of us would have to live with it until it was safe enough for me to give up spirit again.

“How is she?” Sydney asked. “And everyone else?”

“Pretty much a mess without you,” I said truthfully. “But they’re getting by. Angeline and Trey are still going strong; he’s taken over the apartment now. Neil’s still Neil.”

“What about Jill and Eddie?” Sydney said. “Are they together?”

“No.” I sighed. “He’s been beating himself up over not being able to protect you and he’s distanced himself from her again. But he’s definitely in love with her, and I’m pretty sure he’ll end up jumping her before long.”

“Oh, Eddie,” Sydney said, her eyes filling with tears. “It’s not his fault. I tricked him.”

“I know.” I smoothed her hair back and kissed her. “And deep down, so does he. But you know Eddie. He’s not going to be able to forgive himself until he rights his perceived wrongs.”

“He’s too hard on himself. And poor Jill. She’d finally made progress with him and then like that,” she snapped her fingers so the sharp sound echoed around the room, “something awful happens and it’s three steps back.”

“They’ll figure it out. We did,” I pointed out, and she smiled at me. “We saw Carly. Marcus, Rose, and I.”

“What!” Sydney sat up, the bedsheets pooling around her waist and giving me an uninhibited view of her bare chest. I rolled over onto my back and put my hand on her bare waist, my fingers tracing patterns on her skin, just needing to be in constant contact with her. “Already? Way to bury the lede! How did it go?”

It didn’t seem like it would be in my best interest to point out that she had jumped me and distracted me when I’d forged the dream and not the other way around.

“Great. I think she liked me, and she did not like Rose.” I couldn’t blame her; I had made the same point to Rose when we were breaking up, that anyone other than the two people she held most dear were inevitably treated like collateral damage when things went south. Sydney and I had both been collateral damage in the wake of Hurricane Rosemarie. “She actually had Keith’s full address and gave it to us. We’re on our way to him now.” I quirked an eyebrow at her. “Any chance you’re in Boise?”

“Idaho?” Sydney shrugged. “I have no idea. Adrian, it’s only been one day, hasn’t it? And you’ve already found Carly and you’ve almost got Keith?”

“Hey.” I sat up and cupped her inked cheek in my hand. “I’m not wasting a single second. I’m coming for you as soon as I can. We’ve been apart long enough. Plus, I promised your sister like twelve times that I’d get you out and I think she might castrate me if I don’t come through soon. She seems capable.”

Sydney laughed softly and leaned her head against my shoulder as I pulled her back down to rest on my chest. “How is she doing?”

“Really well. She’s strong and self-assured and confident and honestly she reminded me a lot of you. She seemed to be in the middle of organizing an anti-rape culture march,” I told her. “Marcus is already in love with her.”

“Really?” Sydney said, turning her head so that her chin was on my shoulder and she could look at me. “Marcus and Carly?”

“Well, she was relatively indifferent, but you should have seen him.” I shook my head and put on what was in my opinion a pretty decent impression of him. “You’re incredible, Carly. You’re so brave, Carly. You don’t need to risk your life, Carly. Have my babies, Carly.”

“He did not say that!” Sydney insisted, but she was laughing.

I beamed at her; god I was so in love with that sound. “Okay, I made that last one up, but the rest actually came out of his mouth.”

“It would be so weird if something actually happened there. Like two distinctly separate facets of my life melding together,” Sydney said. Then, thinking of all the many different facets of her life, she frowned. “Adrian, Carly didn’t mention my parents’ divorce proceedings, did she?”

She looked wary, like she already knew or at least had a strong suspicion about how it had gone.

“I asked. She said … Sydney, I’m sorry.” I hated to be the one to tell her, especially at that very moment, but I also knew it was my responsibility, not only because I was the only person who could reach her but because I was her boyfriend, her lover, her partner in life, and it was part of the job description to help see her through the tough times. “Your dad won. Zoe’s his, along with just about everything else.”

For a moment, she didn’t say anything, then she sighed sadly. “I’m not surprised. I knew she would fight tooth and nail to stay with him. I just …” She shook her head and laid her cheek on my chest. “I guess it was stupid to be hopeful.”

“It’s not stupid, Sydney,” I said softly. “To want something better for your little sister is natural.”

“Do you think she’s redeemable?” Sydney asked me.

My honest immediate gut answer was no. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing Zoe could do that would undo the damage she had done by turning Sydney in and ripping us apart. But I couldn’t look at Sydney and tell her that, so I settled for a different kind of truth.

“I don’t know much about her,” I said. We hadn’t exactly had a chance to get to know one another what with Zoe being deathly afraid of me and me resenting her existence since she was constantly getting in the way of my relationship with Sydney. “My opinion would be an empty one. All that matters is if you think your little sister is redeemable.”

Sydney went silent, contemplating for a moment and then she sighed. “I have to believe she is. I have to hold onto hope for her.” She eyed me and gave a rueful smile. “Do you think I’m crazy to think that after everything that’s happened?”

“You’re not crazy. Trust me, I’m an expert in crazy,” I reminded her. She shook her head at me fondly; it wasn’t the first time I’d said something along those lines to her. “If you believe Zoe isn’t a lost cause, then fine. We can try to help her. I don’t know how, but we’ll see what we can do.” 

She looked shocked. “You would really help me try to get her out?”

“Sydney, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I would do anything for you.” It was true. I didn’t exactly have any fond thoughts about the youngest Sage sister, but I would do what I had to in order to make Sydney happy. If that meant helping to stage an intervention and secreting Zoe away to Mexico, great. If it meant setting aside my feelings and playing nice if Sydney was able to build some sort of relationship with Zoe in the future, then so be it; I could play nice. “But you have to know Zoe isn’t my concern right now. You are my only priority. We’re going to come get you and we’ll figure out somewhere safe to go and then once we’ve had time to heal and settle in, then we can see about Zoe. But you come first.”

“Okay,” she said, eyes brimming with unshed tears. I knew she wasn’t used to people putting her needs and wellbeing first and I made a mental note to see that she started putting herself first sometimes. “Adrian, you know I love you, right?”

Bemused, I smiled at her. “Yes. And I love you.”

“I know you do,” she said. Even if I hadn’t told her all the time back in Palm Springs, even before we were together, my feelings were pretty obvious, I guess. I was, after all, on a cross-country mission to track her down and break her out of mind-control prison run by her former religious-brainiac cult. “I was just making sure you knew.”

“I know,” I said, kissing her softly. “So what have you been up to while I’ve been road tripping with my ex, her boyfriend, and your future brother-in law? Other than smearing my good name through the mud, of course.”

She looked at me warily and then sighed. “You’re not going to like it.”

Obviously I wouldn’t like it. She was a prisoner who was undergoing constant attempts at mind control aimed at making her hate me and everyone like me. But as she leaned away from me and began picking at the bedcovers, I felt my dread rising.

“Sydney, what are you doing?” I asked on a long sigh.

“Okay, but you have to hear me out,” she said, looking up at me with a stern expression. Gone was the girl who had been crying in my arms, afraid that she would lose herself to her captors’ mind games. I gave a terse nod and she launched into her story.

My anxiety for her only increased as she began talking about a guy about my age named Duncan who had been there for years and her roommate Emma who were both like her. Neither of them were loyal to the Alchemists and Sydney wanted to help them. She was planning to make more of the salt solution to break their tattoos.

“Have you lost your mind?” I exclaimed when she finally finished.

“I told you you wouldn’t like it,” she sighed.

“Well, you were right.” I groaned and stood up, suddenly feeling a need to pace. “Sydney, I am coming for you. I am going to get you out of there. I’m going to get everyone out of there. All you have to do is lie low, play their games until—”

“Until when, Adrian?” Sydney cut me off, clearly frustrated. “I know you guys are coming, but you still don’t even know where I am.”

“I told you we’re on our way to Keith now,” I reminded her. Suddenly, I had a very strong urge to pull my hair out.

“Yeah, and that’s a promising lead, but there’s no guarantee that he’ll even know where he was being held.” Sydney stood up and made her way over to me. “Adrian, I can’t just sit idly by and wait for you to rescue me. I can’t. I have to do what I can to help.”

It was ironic; one of the most incredible things about Sydney was her independent and determined spirit. It was one of the reasons she had been able to do so many impossible things already like breaking free of the Alchemists’ compulsion, defeating Alicia who had years of experience over her, and formulating the salt compound that would help other Alchemists who wanted to break free. I loved that about her; I marveled at it constantly and admired her endlessly. But right now, it was going to give me a heart attack.

“Sydney, this was your idea,” I pointed out. “I’m literally doing what you said I should and it’s working!”

“Adrian, I know.” She reached up and caught my wrists, gently extricating my hands from my hair where I had actually begun tugging. “You’re doing great and I really appreciate it, but you know … you know I can’t just sit here and wait.”

I did know that; it had been naïve of me to think that she would be there patiently wringing her hands like a damsel in distress waiting for her white knight to come and rescue her. It just would have been a lot easier on my nerves if now I didn’t have to be worried she was going to get herself caught breaking other prisoners’ tattoos.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her to pull her close and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Just be careful. If they catch you …”

“I know,” she said, sinking into our embrace. “I’ll be careful.”

“Jackie’s looking for you, too. Probably as we speak. The rest of the coven will try again tomorrow under the full moon if tonight doesn’t work out,” I said quietly after a few minutes of silence. Sydney craned her neck to look up at me without breaking our embrace, a doubtful expression on her face. “I know you think it’s a waste of time, but it’s something.”

We passed the rest of the night talking and plotting how we could go about breaking her out once we had her location. I was banking on spirit playing a big role, which she wasn’t pleased about but had to relent when I used her same logic on her: I couldn’t not do everything in my power to help her out. I didn’t end the dream until she woke up and when I opened my eyes it was to find Rose driving while Dimitri napped beside her and Marcus slept next to me.

It wasn’t even five o’clock yet, so Marcus had definitely been right about the Alchemists not letting her be fully rested.

“How is she?” Rose asked quietly. I met her eyes in the rear view mirror and frowned anxiously. “Adrian, is something wrong?”

I shook my head quickly. “She’s … she’s okay for now. I mean, as okay as she can be. She’s just being stupid.”

Rose snorted and rolled her eyes. Her voice was full of sarcasm when she spoke. “Sure she is. Adrian, I don’t think Sydney is capable of stupidity.”

I had to give her that. “Reckless, then.” I shrugged and glanced over when Marcus shifted. He was watching me with alert eyes. When I spoke again, it was mainly to him. “She’s planning to break and seal their tattoos.”

Marcus’s eyes widened. I knew he had a high opinion of Sydney and thought her capable of achieving nearly any impossibility but even he thought this was a bit much for her. “Is she out of her mind?”

“What’s that?” Rose asked.

“I tried to talk her out of it,” I said to Marcus. “But you know Sydney. She’s determined to do her part.”

“Her part is to still be Sydney when we get to her,” Marcus said. “But if anyone can pull something like this off, it would be her.”

“That doesn’t make it any less reckless,” I ground out. I knew Marcus was only trying to be optimistic, but it brought me back to every time she had put herself in a dangerous situation to help him.

“Are either of you going to explain what the hell you’re talking about?” Rose demanded. I looked up to see that Dimitri had woken up and looked equally as interested but much less annoyed.

I sighed and waved tiredly at Marcus. “You take this one.”

I may have known more about how she had physically done everything since I had actually been there and watched her do most of it, but Marcus would understand the science behind it much better. Besides, I didn’t know how much he wanted Rose and Dimitri to know about what he did.

I managed to fall asleep while Marcus was bringing them up to speed and woke up sometime around noon to Rose shoving a fast food burger at me. It was only two days into our trip, but already I was tired of junk food. I yearned for a salad, which only made me think of Sydney.

“We still have a few hours left,” she informed me as she buckled herself into the seat next to me. At some point she and Dimitri had traded off driving and Marcus had moved up into the passenger seat to stretch his legs. “You need to eat.”

Saying nothing, I unwrapped the burger in my lap and took an obedient bite. I was used to not sleeping much—the only time in my life I had ever been able to sleep regularly and easily had been when I was on my mood stabilizers—but the stress of the past few months was really getting to me. I was exhausted. Once I had Sydney and we were somewhere safe together, I was probably going to sleep for a week straight, only waking to eat, shower, and make love to her.

“So Sydney doesn’t mind the spirit dreams?” Rose said quietly as I ate.

I eyed her wearily and shrugged. “She doesn’t like me using spirit unnecessarily, but this isn’t unnecessary.” She just looked at me until I shook my head. “She’s used to them. We did it a lot back in Palm Springs. The magic stopped bothering her right around the time we became best friends.” 

“Sure,” Rose said doubtfully.

She knew that I loved Sydney, but clearly she still doubted the rest. Rose and I were friends now, and I didn’t even particularly harbor any negative feelings towards her when I wasn’t fighting to maintain my sanity. But we weren’t friends before we dated. She was a conquest who turned into an obsession I thought was love, and I was a guy who followed her around until she gave in. She probably couldn’t imagine me being friends with someone I was interested in, but Sydney really was my best friend before I even realized I was into her, and even when she had been fighting her own feelings for me we had been best friends. She probably thought things had progressed between Sydney and me in a similar way to how they had progressed between us.

It was just as likely that she didn’t think that Sydney would ever consider me her best friend. Although Rose had spent time with Sydney while in Russia and again on the run with Dimitri, she didn’t actually know much about Sydney’s personality beyond the fact that she was smart and logical and could accomplish seemingly impossible things. As far as Rose knew, Sydney was strict and uptight, and I was flippant and irreverent, and we just didn’t go together. Maybe she thought it was all sexual. I could see her thinking Sydney could get caught up in lust, but that line of thinking would just prove how little she knew Sydney, who didn’t really feel lust without the emotion to back it, at least not on the same level as other people. I just turned my head away from her; I didn’t have to prove my relationship to her.  

The rest of the ride passed in relative silence and it was nearly four o’clock by the time we arrived at Keith’s apartment in Boise. There was no answer, and no sign of life within, when we knocked on the door. I frowned, defeated. “He’s not home.”

“We could break in,” Rose suggested helpfully as she pushed lightly against the door. “This doorframe isn’t that strong, but that window would probably be even easier.” She gestured to the window Dimitri was standing in front of. “What do you think, comrade?”

“It would be easy,” he said, frowning thoughtfully at the window frame. “It looks cheaply constructed. We could just push it in. We wouldn’t even have to break it, I don’t think.”

“Before we go breaking and entering, it would be more prudent to just wait a while. Trust me, they’ll have him on as mindless a schedule as possible. 9-5 paperwork. Give him an hour and a half, maybe two. He’ll turn up.” Marcus settled himself onto the concrete stairs, his elbow resting on the step above, the picture of ease as he eyed me. “And they think I’m crazy for bringing pyrotechnics when we break Sydney out.”

I shrugged as I leaned on the railing beside him, wishing for the second time in as many days that I could light up a cigarette while we waited. Instead, I reached into my pocket for the pack of gum I had picked up when we'd stopped for gas about an hour ago. “Maybe we’re all a little crazy.”

“Must be,” Rose said as she and Dimitri stood close together near Keith’s door. “To be doing what we’re doing.”

She watched me pop a piece of gum in my mouth and then strode over, confidently taking the pack from me before I could slip it back into my pocket. I stared back as she looked me in the eyes and shoved a piece in her mouth. “Still not smoking, huh?”

I had told her months ago when we had met up with the Sinclair sisters after Nina had restored Olive that it had been almost two months since my last cigarette. She had been impressed then, but now she looked doubtful. “What can I say? It was a nasty habit.”

“Sure was,” Rose agreed, thrusting the pack of gum back at me as she turned back to Dimitri. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Marcus reach a hand out; wordlessly, I handed the pack to him, still watching Rose as she turned to face me when she was once again leaning against the wall next to Dimitri. “I bet your new bestie really didn’t approve of you chainsmoking.”

My words were deliberately slow and calm when I spoke. “I’m not sure what you’re implying,” I lied. Clearly she thought I’d only quit to impress Sydney. She wasn’t completely wrong. Sydney had definitely been the catalyst, but if it had all been just to impress her, would I still be resisting temptation? “But I would expect any friend of mine to be supportive of my efforts to rid myself of bad habits.”

“Roza,” Dimitri murmured, stopping her from whatever clever response she had ready as he nodded at me. She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes as he continued in that cloying Russian accent of his. “Of course, Adrian. We know it is not easy, what you are doing. It takes much self-discipline, and you are doing wonderful.”

“Thanks,” I said under my breath.

Dimitri was a nice enough guy, and I couldn’t in good conscience blame him at all for what had gone down between Rose and me, but even though we were friendly and had both repeatedly claimed each other as friends, I still couldn’t help but see him as the guy my girlfriend had left me for. It didn’t matter that I didn’t love her anymore. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want her anymore. It didn’t matter that I was madly, deeply in love with Sydney. Dimitri was still a constant reminder of the fact that I wasn’t good enough.

It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter. If they knew how brilliant you are, how powerful you are…

Sighing, I shoved off the railing and spoke over the phantom voice in my head. “I need to take a walk. That was a long car ride.”

Quiet footsteps fell in behind me, far enough away that no one glancing out the window would think we were together, but just close enough that I could hear him following me. “It’s the middle of the afternoon, Belikov. I don’t think I’m going to run across any Strigoi out here.”

“You brought us along for protection, did you not?” Dimitri responded, his voice growing closer with each word as he closed the gap between us.  

“I brought you along to help me get Sydney back,” I grumbled and then swung around to face him. I was tall—most Moroi were—but Dimitri was still at least a head and a half taller than me. Even the knowledge that he could throw me across the parking lot with ease didn’t daunt me, though; I could throw him too. Spirit could be a tangible force if I wanted it to. “But so far, besides being our dutiful chauffeurs, you and Rose haven’t done much helping. It’s been all Marcus and me.”

It wasn’t fair, I knew. There really wasn’t much they could do for the time being. Their time would come when we found the facility, and after when we needed to protect Sydney from the Alchemists until we figured out where to go. Still, I wanted him to leave me alone. Dimitri didn’t look fazed by the bite in my tone, though; he regarded me calmly until I turned, frustrated, and stalked away again.

“I know you don’t like me much,” he began quietly, keeping pace with me easily. “And I honestly can’t blame you. I regret the way things happened. It was an awful thing to do to you, to a man I considered and still see as a friend. I’m sorry.”

I sighed as I crossed the street, heading to the dingy little diner I had spotted as we’d neared the apartment. “I’m not in love with her anymore. I recently came to terms with the fact that I never really was,” I told him, glancing over my shoulder to see that he was still keeping only a few easy paces behind me.

“I know,” Dimitri said calmly. “That does not mean you were not still hurt deeply by what we did.”

“What the hell do you mean I know?” I shot back at him as I tugged the door open and headed inside.

“I mean it’s obvious you have no feelings for her anymore,” he said as he surveyed the diner, mentally taking note of every possible threat and exit as I continued to the counter without breaking my stride. The tables were rickety and pink and the floor was a peeling white laminate that was cracked and stained with a hint of brown in front of a case of suspicious-looking sandwiches and soggy pastries. “Whatever those feelings may have once been, you are completely unaffected by her now. She sees it, too.”

“Good,” I said as I surveyed the case in front of me. Nothing looked particularly delicious, but there were a couple pies that made me think of a different hole in the wall diner a few states away and made my heart pang. I smiled charmingly at the woman across the counter and ordered a slice of peach pie and a coffee. I’d wanted a salad before, but pie made me think of Sydney, too, and a shitty salad was worse than a soggy pie in my opinion. Dimitri didn’t order anything, but followed me to a table in the corner after I’d paid. “I would hate for Rose to go on feeling guilty forever … but wait, she never really did.”

“She did. She does. Adrian, she never set out to hurt you, either,” Dimitri said softly.

I rolled my eyes as I sipped at bitter, lukewarm coffee. “Then why are you the one forcing this conversation on me?”

“You know Rose. No matter how bad she feels about something, she will never be the type to talk it out. She’s all about action.” Dimitri smiled slightly and lifted one eyebrow at me. “Like going off on some crazy road trip with you to rescue Sydney from the Alchemists.”

“Rose is friends with Sydney, too,” I reminded him.

“Yes, but she wasn’t going to force Lissa’s hand on this until you did,” Dimitri said slowly, watching me force down a bite of subpar pie, “Rose cares about Sydney, but the only reason she allowed you to say whatever it is you had to say to get Lissa to approve this vacation was to help you.”

I nodded, absorbing that information; of course, I knew Rose was a woman of action. That didn’t mean an actual apology wouldn’t be nice. Even when everything had first happened there had been no apology, rather deflection and condescension and condemnation that had hurt even worse than her betrayal. But if her helping me get Sydney back was her way of apologizing, I would gladly accept.

“Then why did you agree to come?” I asked.

“I have more experience with Alchemists than Rose does. Although I may not be as quick to say we should burn her captors to the ground, I always believed you when you said she was in dire straits.” Dimitri only gave me that slight smile again when I stared at him. “That, and despite everything you may think, I do regard you as a friend. I think you are a good and honorable man, Adrian, and I want to help you.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “You know it’s really hard to hate you, right?”

He actually chuckled at that and allowed me a few minutes of silence. It wasn’t until I’d finished my pie and was grimacing over the truly terrible cup of coffee again that he spoke. “Does she know?”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “What?”

“Does Sydney know that you’re in love with her?” he clarified. “Forgive me, but you haven’t been very forthcoming, and all Rose would say was that you said you were in love with Sydney. I’m curious if you’ve been more open with Sydney.”

I set the chipped mug back down on the table in front of me and stared at him, studying his aura. He wasn’t judging me or anything, was simply curious like he’d said. It was like we were just two guys in their twenties chilling in a shitty diner and talking about the women they loved.

“Yeah. She knows.” I nodded. He didn’t say anything, but another glance at his aura showed me that he was even more curious than before. “And yeah, she loves me too. We’re together, and it’s serious. It’s really serious.”  

I looked at my phone, saw that it was five o’clock, and stood up to head back to the apartment to wait for Keith.

“Is that why they took her?” Dimitri asked as he fell into step behind me again.

I frowned and shoved my shaky hands in my pockets, my fingers brushing against Hopper for comfort. I swore when I remembered Marcus still had my gum. “Yeah.”

He didn’t speak again until we were back in the apartment complex’s parking lot. “They would have found another reason, Adrian. You cannot blame yourself. It was only a matter of time.”

“What do you know about it?” I muttered.

“I know that she was friendly with all of us,” Dimitri said. “She shared a room with Rose in Russia, she helped break Rose out of prison and then went on the run and kept us hidden. She loves Jill, she’s friends with Eddie and Neil and Angeline. She went against orders and risked her life to save Sonya. She’s apparently friends with these witches of yours. She’s been on their radar, Adrian. It’s not your fault.”

I didn’t bother telling him they weren’t my witches; they were Sydney’s. It only proved his point even more. I nodded and huffed out a shaky breath. He was probably right; Sydney had been worried about re-education even before we were together. She had mentioned that things were pretty bad for her after she helped Rose. It just sucked that I was the breaking point. I wasn’t at fault, but I still felt responsible for every bad thing that had happened to her since she met me.

“Rose doesn’t believe we’re in love,” I said, eyeing him. It wasn’t a question. It was an observation.

He shook his head. “She doesn’t understand. She never actually saw you two together in Palm Springs like I did.”

“What?” I snorted. “Dimitri, that was way before anything even happened between us.”

“You still had feelings for her,” he said.

“Yeah, I did,” I said, though they had been just a shadow then of what they were now. That was back when I still thought I could ignore the way I felt, when I had thought it was just a silly crush, a fleeting infatuation with a beautiful quick-witted girl who was a blast to talk to. “She saw us together at Court, though. And we were very much together then.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute. I swung around to face him when I reached the foot of the stairs that would lead us to back to Rose and Marcus. He shrugged. “I think … In my experience, sometimes it is easier to hide a high-stakes relationship that is already happening than it is to hide your pining after someone people think you shouldn't have feelings for.”  

I thought about it for a second before I shrugged as well. “Yeah, you and Rose were pretty fucking obvious when we first met.”

“That’s just because you could see our auras,” Dimitri said, but he was smiling as he shook his head at me.

Marcus was still lounging on the stairs next to Keith’s apartment when we walked up, tapping away on his phone, but Rose wasn’t there. He put his phone down when I reached over to take the pack of gum back from him. I wasn’t shaky anymore after my talk with Dimitri, so I just slid the pack back into my pocket.

“She went off to check the perimeter or some guardian thing,” Marcus told us when Dimitri asked where Rose was. He sounded very bored and I wondered how long she had been gone. “Did you have a good walk?”

“Lovely,” I said just as Rose, presumably sensing Dimitri’s vicinity with her epic love for him, appeared at the end of the hall. Dimitri headed for her, and I heard the low murmur of their greetings as they met a couple doors down from Keith’s. “Hey, do you think Keith will recognize you? Should you be disguised?”

Marcus shrugged. “Too late now. I figure we’ll just remind him about Carly and he’ll never mention it.”

I rolled my eyes. If Keith was as afraid of re-education as Carly had said, he wasn’t going to be telling the Alchemists anything about a visit from a Moroi and two dhampirs. Still, it probably was for the best that Marcus didn’t look like the Alchemists’ Most Wanted standing in Keith’s apartment.

“Hello? Spirit user?” I pointed at myself. “I can disguise you.”

“Oh.” He considered, then shrugged. “If it’s not too much to ask, then sure.”

“It’s not.” I looked him over, decided that I probably didn’t need to do too much since Sydney hadn’t even known what he’d looked like until she’d done some major digging. The Alchemists didn’t actually have a Most Wanted list, at least not one that was known to everyone, but at the very least his indigo tattoo needed to go as the placement was certainly suspicious.

A car door slammed in the parking lot and I saw Rose glance over the balcony. “It’s him,” she hissed.

Marcus and I moved away from the stairs and I turned to him and reached for spirit. He looked the same to me, just a little fuzzy around the edges which meant he would look different to everyone else. If I had completely changed his appearance, it would have been nearly impossible for me to participate in interrogating Keith, but the little edits I’d done were nothing.

“You’re set,” I murmured to Marcus as Rose and Dimitri rejoined us. Heavy footsteps trudged up the stairs towards us, and we all turned to wait.

Chapter Text

            Glancing over, Ms. Terwilliger noticed him for the first time. “And you’re here too? I’m so sorry you had to get dragged into this mess. I know you didn’t ask for any of this trouble.”
            “It doesn’t matter,” said Adrian, smiling. He rested a hand on my shoulder. “Some things are worth the trouble.”

- Jaclyn Terwilliger, Adrian Ivashkov
The Indigo Spell, 375

Keith appeared, looking nothing like I remembered. He was no longer leanly muscled, just thin and while his hair was still short and styled neatly, it had lost the healthy sheen from before. There were bags under his eyes, making him look drawn and making his glass eye stand out even more than before. His skin, already pale, was sallow and his expression was set in what looked like perpetual dismay. He had once been a good-looking guy, charming even though he was a piece of shit and a rapist. Now he was someone who looked like he had once been good-looking.

I didn’t feel bad for him, but his appearance horrified me. If that was how Keith looked months after his release, what must Sydney look like? She had felt like skin and bone in the first dream, but she had looked much the same as the last time we were together in the second. How much had she chosen to change about her appearance just to make me feel better? Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rose leaning against the balcony railing, sizing Keith up. She had met him at the beginning of the Palm Springs mission and while it had been a short meeting, I could tell that she remembered what he had looked like then and was harshly judging his appearance now.

He made it about two steps toward his door before he looked up and saw us all standing there. He froze, his gaze moving right over Marcus and flitting from me to Rose to Dimitri in abject horror.

“No, no, no, you can’t be here,” he mumbled tremulously, looking around wildly as he fumbled with his keys. “Whatever it is, go away. Please.”

“Ten minutes,” I said, not moving from beside his door as he struggled to unlock it with shaky hands. “Ten minutes of your time and we’re gone.”

“They’ll know you were here. They could be watching me. You have to go,” he pleaded again, nervously avoiding looking at me. When he started mumbling, I didn’t think we were supposed to hear him. “I can’t go back there. I won’t.”

“Carly Sage sent us,” I said.

He froze, and if his keys weren’t already jammed in the lock I felt certain he would have dropped them when he turned to me, his eyes so wide I feared the glass one would pop out and go rolling down the dirty concrete steps to shatter in the gravel parking lot. “She—she did? Carly? Well—okay, then.” He clenched his jaw and nodded once, jerkily, and turned back to his task of unlocking the door. It finally swung open and he hurriedly waved us in. “But it has to be quick.”

His apartment in Palm Springs had been pristine before I had taken it over, filled with over-priced furniture and completely absent of color and clutter. His apartment here in Boise was practically barren of furniture. There was a threadbare white couch pushed up against the wall facing a small television on what looked like a tv tray table. There were no bookcases, but stacks of books and papers on the floor. It looked like the home of a completely different person.

“What did—what did Carly want?” Keith asked, turning to look at us with those wide, terrified eyes.

It took me a second to register his question as I looked around the room in avid disbelief. By the time I had, Marcus had already jumped in to take charge.

“Her sister disappeared a few months back. Sydney.” Marcus’s voice was flat, devoid of any emotion, and I remembered his fascination with Carly and his disgust and outrage learning that Keith had raped her. “She told us you might be able to help.”

“Sydney?” Keith’s voice took on some semblance of normalcy as he referred to her with disdain. She had been the one to turn him in for his blood-and-saliva-selling operation which had gotten him sent to re-education in the first place. Even before that, he had been rude and dismissive of her because she knew what he had done; it had been his fatal mistake. “Why would I help her?”

“You’re not,” Rose said from beside the door. “You’re helping us help her concerned older sister find her.”

Keith eyed her warily, then his attention shifted to Dimitri and he hurriedly looked back at Marcus who he had apparently deemed the least dangerous person in his apartment. If he only knew. “Who are you?”

“Dave. He’s a friend,” I cut in. “Listen, Keith. Carly is really worried about Sydney and we think you can help us find her. We think she’s in the same re-education facility you were sent to.”

He stiffened and went even paler, though I hadn’t imagined that was possible. He shook his head and pointed at the door. “No, no, no! You have to leave. Now! I’m sorry, I can’t help you.”

“Help Carly find her sister,” Marcus said in a smooth, convincing tone. If he were Moroi, I would have bet he was using compulsion. “It’s the very least you could do after what you put her through, don’t you think?”

Keith looked from Marcus to me and back, still shaking his head. His eye was filling with tears. “I don’t know where I was! You think they tell us after they release us? I was unconscious when they brought me in and blindfolded when we left and we drove straight to the airport. I have no idea where I was, only that I won’t go back. You have to leave!”

“You must remember something,” I insisted.

“I don’t know!” He looked around wildly as if expecting Alchemists to barge in and blindfold him again and whisk him back there. “I don’t … there’s nothing to tell you!”

“You don’t even remember a scent or a sound or a feeling?” Dimitri asked calmly. He was standing near a shabby little table that held what looked like the remains of a very sad breakfast of dry toast. “Was it hot or cold? Did it smell like rain? Did you hear the city bustle in the distance? Anything could be helpful.”

“No, no!” Keith stared at Dimitri, shaking his head wildly, hands over his ears.

“Keith, just calm down!” I snapped, stepping over to him. I wouldn’t compel him yet, but I wanted to be near him just in case. “Just breathe, and focus. Remember you’re helping Carly here.”

He stared at me and took several deep breaths. I watched the panic slowly fade from his expression until he just looked nervous about our presence again. He nodded shakily and closed his eyes. “It was … it was night. It was quiet. Um, it was hot out and … and it was dry. Not just like it hadn’t rained in a while, but it was arid. Desert-like, you know? We drove … two hours? Maybe three? Until we got to the airport. I was blindfolded the whole way, even for the whole two-hour flight here. And that’s it; that’s all I remember. I swear.”

I looked at Marcus and he nodded. We had gotten all that we could out of him. I just hoped it was enough. I stepped back.

“Okay, thanks,” I said. “We’ll go now.”

To my shock, Keith grabbed my arm as I turned to leave and stared at me with wide, pleading eyes. “Will you tell Carly I helped you? Will you tell her I did what I could?”

“I … yeah,” I said, grimacing as I shook his hand off me. “Whatever, dude.”

Rose sighed as we got back in the car. Dimitri was driving again, but I had the passenger seat for the first time. “Kind of a waste, huh? Didn’t really get anything out of him.”

I finally let go of spirit and turned in my seat and raised an eyebrow at Marcus, who grinned back at me, looking like himself again.

“We didn’t get an exact location, but he certainly narrowed it down for us,” he said. He already had his stupid little burner flip phone in his hand and was dialing a number. “I’ll need to make a call, have my guys do some digging, but he was released in December, so we’re looking at someplace with a dry heat year round. We also know she’s in the continental U.S. because he said they drove a couple hours to the airport. Never stopped by border patrol or anything and it was a short flight so they didn’t cross any large bodies of water.”

He stopped talking to us abruptly as his call was answered and started firing off instructions to one of his minions to narrow down the list of Alchemist facilities in the U.S. I had seen this list. It was a large one and had filled me with despair when I’d learned it would take days to weeks to clear each location. Now I was beginning to feel a tentative hope. If we could narrow it down enough, we could potentially find her within the next few weeks. It was too long to bear still, but it was better than the alternative.

I caught Rose and Dimitri exchanging a glance in the mirror and I smirked. “Hey, he was an Alchemist,” I reminded them. “This is what he does. He uses the training they gave him against them.”

I got a text from Eddie as we were getting on the highway. Talked to Ms. T after school. No luck last night. Coven gathering tonight to try again at midnight. She’ll call you with an update either way.

It wasn’t exactly the result I had been hoping for, but I couldn’t say I was surprised. I had to remind myself that even if the stronger spell tonight didn’t work out, we were still making progress. We were closing in on them and with any luck they would be none the wiser.

Thanks. We’re going to get her. Soon.

Eddie didn’t respond, but a minute later Jill texted me. Centrum Permanebit. See you tomorrow. Hopefully with good news.

I didn’t bother texting her back; she was constantly in my head these days so there was really no use. She knew how grateful I was for the words.

We stopped for gas a few hours in and I hopped out of the car to stretch my legs. Rose trailed me quietly around the gas station as I picked out snacks and drinks for everyone.

“What’s that rock you keep messing with?” she asked as we stepped back outside.

I looked over at her and saw her staring at my hand in the pocket I kept Hopper in. I hadn’t even realized I was petting him and I was at a loss for words that didn’t involve demon or love-child.

“It’s a dragon,” I said after a few seconds, pulling him out and holding him under a street lamp. Rose raised an unimpressed eyebrow and I shrugged as I carefully pocketed him again. I had to admit, when he was in statue form, he really did just look like an ordinary chunk of stone, but Jackie had said that being near me would help him, even if I couldn’t bring him to life the way Sydney could, so I took him everywhere with me. “It’s a thing. With Sydney.”

Rose nodded slowly, opening her mouth and then closing it before she spoke. “Of course it is.”

We made our way back to the car and I took the front seat again; no one seemed to mind about the seating arrangements, not after our small victory at Keith’s. I slipped into my spirit dream trance before we were even on the highway and waited for Sydney.

Time wasn’t easy to keep track of in this state, but I had some idea of it and I knew it had been hours by the time Sydney finally materialized before me in the Palm Springs apartment. Her eyes lit up when she saw me and she hurried over to throw her arms around me.

“Later than you have been,” I murmured against her mouth. “Did they change up your schedule?”

Sydney shook her head and buried her face in my chest as I pulled away from her lips. “No, I just couldn’t sleep.”

I sighed. She was a good liar, if you couldn’t read her aura. She would tell me if they were just changing her sleep schedule, so the fact that she had tried lying made me think she had been sneaking around the compound after everyone was asleep. “Sydney ...”

“Everything is fine, Adrian. I’m here, aren’t I?” She rose onto the tips of her toes and pulled my lips to hers again. “Did you talk to Keith?”

“You think you can distract me again?” I asked. We were going to discuss her obvious reckless escapades, but I did acknowledge the need to keep her informed of the latest updates on my end. “We talked to Keith. He didn’t know much, but we were able to get enough details out of him that Marcus was able to piece together.”

I purposely didn’t mention how awful he had looked or how much of a nervous wreck he had been the entire time. Sydney was going through enough as it was without having to worry about PTSD down the road.

“See? Marcus isn’t entirely useless,” Sydney said, brushing my hair away from my eyes. “You need a haircut. Did you figure out where I am?”

She was right; I did need a haircut. My hair used to be on the short side with just enough length that I could style it to look messy. Now it was verging on shaggy, but my hair was the least of my concerns. I shook my head. “Not yet. Marcus has this list of properties the Alchemists own—it’s extensive—but he’s narrowing it down based on what we were able to get out of Keith. Once his lackey is finished with the list we’ll see what’s left and go from there.”

Sydney nodded thoughtfully. I imagined she was going through the same thought process I had trying to figure out how long it would be before we were reunited. Soon, but not soon enough.

“I’m still waiting to hear back from Jackie after the coven gathering,” I told her. “Eddie harassed her after school; she’s going to call me and let me know how it goes tonight. I actually probably don’t have long here tonight. I think it’s pretty late; she should be calling me soon.”

“Maybe they’ll find something,” Sydney said, but I could tell she said it more for my benefit than her own. She still didn’t think the Stelle could best the Alchemists, but I had seen some pretty impressive accomplishments from Sydney, who was still just a burgeoning witch, and these were a dozen seasoned witches with decades of experience.

“Why don’t you tell me why you were late?” I suggested, pulling her onto the familiar yellow couch with me.

She sighed and leaned against me, drawing her bare feet up onto the couch beside her. “I realized today talking to Duncan that they must have some sort of switch that will allow them to pump drugs in through the air vents in the case of an emergency. Like an uprising or something. It makes sense; they were pumping the drugs through the vent when I was in isolation and he said it’s happened once or twice where everyone just suddenly passed out.”

I nodded. It was messed up, but she was right that it made sense. The Alchemists would obviously want a quick and easy way to subdue their rebellious prisoners. “So, let me guess. You went looking for the switch.”

“I found it in the control room,” Sydney said, looking quite proud of her accomplishment. “I messed with the system so the next time they try to use it, it will pump in a stimulant instead to keep us all wired instead of the sedatives they keep on tap. Hopefully they don’t try before you guys find us.”

I nodded again, but didn’t dare open my mouth. I was pretty sure if I spoke, all I would be able to do was remind her again that she was behaving recklessly and that it would only make getting her out that much harder if she got herself caught. She knew and she didn’t care. She was going to continue doing this with or without my encouragement, so I figured I may as well save myself the argument.

“And then I was hiding in the supply closet and I found salt!” she continued chattering excitedly almost like she would when we were actually back in Palm Springs and she was pleased with her accomplishments. “Boxes and boxes of salt! Pounds of it! I’m going to be able to make so much of the solution now!”

I smiled and kissed her. Even if I wished she were being more careful, I could still appreciate how excited she was. “How will you know who wants the tattoo broken and sealed?”

She shrugged. “Well, I know Duncan and Emma are on board. There are a couple others who I think I could safely approach about it.”

“Just don’t forget to be careful,” I said on a long sigh. “Your safety comes first, remember?”

“Yes, I know,” she said, but it was in that tone of voice that made it clear she was mollifying me, not that she actually believed what she was saying. Suddenly, she stilled and looked around, frowning. “What’s that sound?”

I sighed; I heard it, too. “It’s my phone. Jackie must be calling.”

I pulled her to me and kissed her, long and deep and full of longing. Hopefully, Jackie also had good news and I would soon be able to kiss Sydney for real.

“I’ll come back as soon as I can,” I promised against her lips, but Sydney drew back and shook her head.

“Don’t waste spirit. They’ll probably be waking us up soon.” She was putting on a brave face again as the dream faltered, but I could see her sorrow at letting me go. It was a little reassuring to know that she dreaded the end of our time together as much as I did. “The possibility of a few more minutes isn’t worth the toll it takes on you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. A dream is nothing. If you’re still asleep, I’ll come back,” I said. “And even if it was a huge toll, one more minute with you is worth it.”

She didn’t have time to respond before the dream broke away from me and I found myself sitting in the car, my phone ringing insistently in my pocket. I fumbled for a moment, lifting my hips to pull the damn thing out and was fully prepared to send it straight to voicemail if it wasn’t who I wanted it to be and get back to Sydney.

My heart leapt when I saw who was calling, though.

“Jackie?” I said, pressing the phone to my ear. It was four o’clock in the morning. Rose was driving again and I could see that Marcus and Dimitri had both been sleeping, but they were looking at me now. “How did it go?”

“Adrian.” She sounded completely exhausted. I could only imagine the toll that much magic would have had on her; if they’d started their spell at midnight and she was presumably calling me as soon as it had ended, that was a long time to hold on to some powerful magic. I had seen Sydney all but passed out from exhaustion after much less. “They have some sort of protection in place. Even with the entire coven working together at midnight when we’re at our strongest, we couldn’t find an exact location.”

My heart dropped and I had to remind myself that Marcus’s people were going to come through with a much, muchshorter list for us. “That’s okay, Jackie. We actually made a little bit of headway on this end, so—”

“Adrian, I said we couldn’t get an exact location,” Jackie cut me off impatiently. “But we did get an approximate location.”

“A … what? What do you mean?” My heart was in my throat, my blood pounding in my ears. “Where?”

“No matter how hard we concentrated our efforts, we couldn’t seem to pin down just exactly where they’ve got her, but we did manage to track her to California.” She paused, waiting for me to respond. When I couldn’t, she sighed tiredly. “Is that helpful?”

“California? She never left the goddamn state?” I said. Marcus was already dialing a number. “I … Jackie, yes, I think that is very helpful, actually.” My throat felt tight and I was afraid I may actually start crying. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

“Of course, Adrian.” I could hear movement on her end of the line and I strongly suspected she was about to collapse. Then, she gasped. “Oh! I nearly forgot. When you get back to Palm Springs, will you stop by my house? I want to put together some things Sydney may find of use.”

“Yes. All right. How does the afternoon sound?” I suggested. We were due to arrive back in Palm Springs around ten o’clock, but I wanted to make sure Jackie got her rest after everything she had done for Sydney.

“Yes, that’s fine.” Jackie sighed again, and her words began to slur. “I’ll see you then.”

She hung up the phone and I turned to Marcus just as he shut his flip phone with a snap and turned to me. “There are five facilities in California alone, but only one is in a desert area. Death Valley. We got her.”

Chapter Text

“Isn’t it weird?” he said, glancing up as I measured salt. “All the variety life offers? Here we sit, me reading expressions of creativity.” He held up the poetry book, which to my dismay, was now worn and dog-eared. “And you doing scientific and magical calculations. We’re thinking, cerebral beings one minute … and the next, completely given over to physical acts of passion. How do we do that? Back and forth, mind and body? How can creatures like us go from extreme to extreme?”
- Adrian Ivashkov
The Fiery Heart, 316-7

We really should have expected it, but when we traipsed into the Palm Springs apartment, all of us completely exhausted after basically three days nonstop in a car and ready to pass out where we stood, the welcoming party took us by surprise. Jill practically knocked me over she was so happy to see me. It wasn’t anything like the greeting I’d gotten from her the other day and it made me wonder if maybe Eddie had given in to his feelings after all.

She rewarded my thoughts with a scandalized look and a gentle backhand to the shoulder. “Adrian!” she protested, going red in the face. “I’m happy because we’re so close to getting Sydney out now! And I know you are too, you’re just too exhausted to show it.”

Jill was right. The knowledge that now we had her location had kept me wired for the rest of the drive back to Palm Springs and I had spent most of it daydreaming about our reunion, how I would sweep her into my arms and finally kiss her again. I would finally smell her again and feel her in my arms and … Jill grimaced.

“Sorry,” I said unapologetically, but I forced myself to put those thoughts on the back burner. We had planning to do now, anyway. I had hoped for a little power nap beforehand, but Eddie’s fierce expression behind Jill told me that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

“Do we have a plan of attack?” Eddie was looking at me.

I frowned and looked around; everyone was looking at me. Somehow, for some reason, they had decided that I was in charge here. I would own that I had gotten this little mission off the ground and had taken point in deciding where we needed to be and when up until now, but most of that was based on information provided by the older Sisters Sage and strategy was not my strong suit.

“I … well, I kind of thought the plan was to burn the place to the ground,” I joked half-heartedly. When everyone just continued to stare at me, I sighed and dragged a hand through my hair. “Look, I don’t know yet. And I’ve slept probably six hours in the past three days. I would struggle putting together a raid on a good day, but right now, I’m completely lost.”

“He’s right,” Rose said. “We’re dead on our feet, all of us. What we really need to do is take the day to rest and then we can plan. Hell, with any luck Sydney will have it all figured out already and she’ll just lay it out for Adrian tonight.”

Rose had a decent point. Sydney was one hell of a strategist and she did especially well when she had me to bounce her ideas off of. If she wasn’t too late going to sleep tonight, we would have hours to plan. She didn’t even know yet that we had her location. Turns out, she’d been right; she had apparently been awakened already by the time I was able to slip back into the spirit dream to give her the good news. I had no doubt that if I’d been able to tell her, she would have spent the day crafting a perfectly detailed, impeccably thought out plan to pass on to me tonight.

“Isn’t it a school day, anyway?” Dimitri pointed out, raising an eyebrow at the five Amberwood students apparently playing hooky in my apartment. Or Trey’s apartment. The Palm Springs apartment. I needed to pass out.

Jill giggled. “Adrian’s about to collapse.”

“Ha ha,” I said meekly.

“Belikov’s right,” Neil said. “We should be in classes anyway. We’ll come back after school.”

“Are you serious? We got up at the ass crack of dawn and came over here for nothing?” Angeline huffed.

“It’s literally ten o’clock,” Jill said, rolling her eyes. “We didn’t get up any earlier than we would have to go to class.”

“That is basically the ass crack of dawn,” Angeline insisted.

“Come on, babe,” Trey said, sounding very much like he wanted to laugh at her. “Let’s go to school.”

“I’m gonna get detention for being late,” Angeline complained, but she stomped her way to the door after Neil anyway.

“Bed’s up for grabs,” Trey called over his shoulder on the way out.

“My bed,” I called after him, then looked at Rose and Dimitri. “You guys can take it, though. It sleeps two just fine.”

Jill smiled up at me and tousled my hair. “Sydney’s right. You do need a haircut.”

I shook my head at her and gently pulled her hand out of my hair. Why were the women in my life so focused on the wrong things right now? “Still not the most important thing at the moment, Jailbait.”

“Whatever.” She shrugged and flounced to the door, as light on her feet as ever. For someone who felt what I felt, she sure didn’t seem exhausted. Her laughter echoed back to me as she joined the others outside.

Eddie was the last one left with us. He hadn’t moved an inch since we’d arrived. “Adrian …”

I sighed. “I know, Eddie. But we can’t do anything right this second.”

Did he know how it killed me to say that? Did he know I wanted nothing more than to get back in that damn cramped car and speed the whole way to Death Valley, to fly to Sydney’s side and blow that shithole to nothing? It was so difficult for me to acknowledge that I wouldn’t be any use to her if I went after her like this. I had been exhausted since Sydney was ripped away from me, had only been running on sheer desperation and adrenaline, but I knew I needed to at least try to rest before we went for her. Who knew what we would face after she was out? I needed to be on my A-game. And Sydney would be beside herself if she saw me like this in real life. Besides, Marcus’s team wasn’t in place yet and I still had to get Sydney in a dream and let her know we had her.

Eddie looked ready to argue, but I sidetracked him with another mission. “Come by after school. I need to stop by Jackie’s and we can brainstorm in the car. You should be with Jill until we leave.”

His shoulders sank a bit, but he nodded. “Okay.”

Rose’s curious gaze followed Eddie’s back as he finally headed out. She didn’t speak until the door was shut and we could hear the clamoring of all five of them making their way out to the parking lot. “What’s with Eddie? He’s intenseabout getting to Sydney.”

I eyed her and laughed. I didn’t need to check her aura to know she was suspicious that Eddie and Sydney had something going on too. She frowned at me, but I just smirked and shook my head. “Nothing like that, little dhampir.” I stopped, considered. “Well, there’s nothing romantic there, anyway. That whole twin ruse of theirs kind of started looking like reality before long. They love each other like siblings and Eddie blames himself for not being able to save her when the Alchemists took her. Don’t forget he was there when it all went to hell.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Rose’s expression went distant as she fell down memory lane. Now I did chance a peek at her aura and saw that it had gone dark—not spirit-dark, but swirling with grief and sorrow. “Poor Eddie. It must be like Mason all over again.”

“Roza,” Dimitri murmured, touching her elbow.

She blinked and shook her head, forcing herself back to the present, out of the traumatic memory of her and Eddie’s best friend’s death by Strigoi right in front of her eyes, and the horrific way she’d had to defend herself and avenge him immediately afterward. She looked up at Dimitri and then at me, frowning. “I think we will take the bed. See you, Adrian.”

Dimitri watched with a worried frown as she stalked off into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. He looked back at me, torn. “We can’t all rest at the same time.”

“I lived here completely by myself for months without being attacked by Strigoi or raving human lunatics.” Actually, Sydney and I had both been attacked by Strigoi right in this very room, but that was before I lived here, and they hadn’t actually been here for either one of us, so it didn’t count. “Besides, it’s the middle of the day.” I waved him off. “Go to her. We both know she needs you right now.”

He nodded and shot me a grateful look before he followed her and disappeared into my bedroom. Finally alone, I sighed and kicked off my shoes, leaving them neatly next to the door the way Sydney always wanted.

We had dropped Marcus off at his friend Sabrina’s apartment about thirty miles back to make some more arrangements with his people, so I had no moral qualms about throwing myself down face-first on the couch. For the first time in a long time, I fell asleep almost the instant I closed my eyes.

I woke with a start when the front door opened and several people walked in. Disoriented, I blinked against the sudden stream of sunlight, sitting upright on the yellow couch that had always reminded me so much of Sydney’s aura. A broad body stood in front of me, blocking the light. I squinted up at Eddie.

Jill stood next to him, arms crossed and smiling sweetly down at me. I could hear the others—Neil, Angeline, and Trey—moving through to the kitchen.

“I kind of thought it would just be the two of us going to see Jackie,” I said to Eddie.

“It will,” he responded, gesturing to Jill. “Trey offered to stick around with the others at school, but I just thought it would be safer all around to leave her with Rose and Dimitri too while we’re gone.”

“Well,” I said slowly, still waking up from the longest sleep I’d had in months. “Between the three of them I would say they might almost make up for your absence. I don’t believe anyone capable of watching her as diligently as you.”

They both flushed and Jill’s sweet smile shifted into what would have been a menacing glare on anyone with a less angelic face. I just smiled back at them innocently and stood up to make my way down the hall to the bathroom. I should have taken a shower when we got back here, but I’d been too tired. For a moment, I considered putting it off until later, but then I got a whiff of myself after three days in a car and grimaced as I reached over to turn on the water.

It was one of the quickest, most efficient showers of my life. I remembered a similar rushed shower back before Sydney admitted her feelings for me, when I had been running late to meet up with her. Had it really only been a year? Only a year since I had been heartbroken over Rose? Only a year since I hadn’t even known anything about Sydney other than that she had helped Rose out a few times? How was it possible that I could have known her for such a short time and yet she had changed my life forever? I knew it was crazy and too fast, and there were people who would probably blame it on my bipolar disorder if they knew, but I also knew that she was it for me and I would be with her for the rest of my life. Even when I’d been on my mood stabilizers, I had known there was no going back after Sydney. There could be no after Sydney for me.

I dried myself off quickly and then wrapped the towel around my waist to make the quick trip to my bedroom down the hall. I had been gone for a while, but I had left most of my belongings behind when my father had demanded I return to Court. Fully expecting Rose and Dimitri to have gotten up immediately when they heard people in the apartment, I opened the door to my bedroom and walked in. I was right; they were gone.

As I dressed, I stared at the bed, rumpled from Rose and Dimitri’s sleep, and thought back on all the time Sydney and I had spent there. Before we had started having sex, our time in the bed had been relatively innocent; more often than not I would walk into the room to find her surrounded by books on the side of the bed that I had long since deemed hers. After our time at the inn near Court, our time in the bed had mostly been dedicated to expressions of love and lust. Honestly, I would go back to that mostly chaste period in our relationship with no complaint if it meant having her back with me. The only thing that kept me from breaking down at the memories that surrounded me in this room was the knowledge that before long I would have her back.

There was a knock at the door barely a second before it opened as if the intruder knew already that I wasn’t indecent in here. I knew who it was without turning around. Jill came and stood next to me, gazing around the room as I did. Trey hadn’t changed much—other than the pile of clothes in the corner, there really wasn’t anything to indicate that he even slept in this room—and although Jill hadn’t physically spent much time in the apartment, she had a ton of memories of Sydney here. None of them from when Sydney and I had been having sex, though. I realized for the first time that I’d been blocked off from spirit every time Sydney and I had been intimate; the bond had been dark. I didn’t know how it was going to work now, and I remembered the desperate way Sydney and I had moved together in the spirit dream the other night. I grimaced.

It wasn’t the first time she had seen me like that, I knew. When we had first come to Palm Springs I had been in a bad way mentally and had often hitched rides with Lee to parties where I had drowned myself in alcohol and buried myself in random girls whose names I couldn’t remember if there was a gun to my head. Jill had been subject to all of it until Sydney had caught on to what was happening and had verbally kicked my ass. I had been on my best behavior after that, for a time. Until I’d thrown caution to the wind again and started pursuing her. But Jill had, for some reason, never seemed bothered by my thoughts about and experiences with Sydney.

“Because you love her,” Jill said quietly, leaning against my side. “It’s different. It feels … nice.” She frowned when I looked at her, wondering, a bit concerned by what she meant by it feels nice. “Ew, not like that. Your feelings for her. I didn’t like when you were with those random girls because I didn’t understand why you were doing it and it wasn’t fair for you to expose me to stuff like that when you were just doing it for a distraction from Rose, when none of it meant anything to you. But with Sydney, I know what it means. And it’s fine.”

“It’s still not fair,” I murmured. She was sixteen, would be seventeen in a few weeks, I remembered with a jolt. Would Sydney be there with us to celebrate Jill’s birthday?

“You brought me back from the dead, Adrian,” she said as if I needed the reminder. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, the most spirit I had ever wielded, and it had taken me out of commission for days afterward. I had felt like a god among Moroi and men until I’d passed out cold. When we had arrived in Palm Springs, I was only just beginning to feel spirit come back to me. It had also been terrible to see Jill like that, bloody and gone right in front of me. She had been so innocent, was still too innocent for the things she had been put through, and for the things I had exposed her to. “It’s a small price to pay for a second lease on life. And I want you and Sydney to be happy. It really doesn’t bother me when you’re with her.”

“You might have to have a similar conversation with Sydney before long,” I told her, remembering that Jill’s presence in my mind had been the main reason, other than the Alchemists, that Sydney had initially decided to run to Mexico instead of being with me. Until she had quickly come to her senses and come back before she actually made it to the border.

Jill rolled her eyes. “She’s the one who jumped you the other night,” she said with a little smile. “It’s not like she forgot about the bond. I really don’t think she cares anymore.”

“Maybe not,” I said, but if that were the case, I wondered how long it would last before her misgivings returned and she wanted me to restart my meds. I didn’t know if I would ever be comfortable giving up spirit again if it meant not being able to protect her when I needed to.

“We’ll take it one day at a time and we’ll see how it goes. You don’t need to worry about this right now,” Jill said and knit her fingers through mine, tugging me to the door. “Now come on, Eddie’s about to jump out of his skin. I think he’s ready to plan out this entire jailbreak with you in the car.”

I laughed and nodded, allowing her to lead me out of the room and into the kitchen with everyone else. Sure enough, Eddie did look like he was ready to go, like he had never been more ready for anything in his life. We weren’t even doing anything risky—we were going to Jackie Terwilliger’s house to pick up a bag of what I assumed was filled with witchy supplies—but he still had that fierce guardian look on his face. I doubted that look would fade until he saw Sydney safe and sound. I knew how he felt.

“Alright, I’m ready,” I told him.

“Are you sure the two of you should be going alone?” Rose asked. She looked better, less haunted than she had at the memory of losing Mason, after a decent day’s worth of sleep. It had only been about five hours, but that was a lot for any of us these days.

“Sure.” I shrugged and strode over to clap Eddie roughly on the shoulder. “Castile is perfectly capable of protecting me.”

“I know he is!” Rose said, looking from me to Eddie. “I know you are. But. Well, I kind of wanted to meet this witch of yours.”

Honestly, I didn’t have a problem with Rose meeting Jackie. I had a problem with the fact that the second she met Jackie, Rose would realize she wasn’t my witch. She was Sydney’s witch. Her mentor, her coven sister. Sydney being a witch was such a closely-guarded secret that for a long time I—and therefore, Jill—had been the only one to know. Neil and Eddie only knew because she had no other choice but to tell them at the time. It wasn’t as life-or-death now, considering she had already been captured, but the choice to let others in on her secret was Sydney’s alone.  

“Sorry,” I said. “Maybe some other time, but I can’t spring unexpected guests on her right now. She sounded drained on the phone last night.”

“Is that why she wasn’t in school today?” Trey wondered aloud. He had found out about Jackie when Sydney first went missing, but I wasn’t sure how much he knew about Sydney’s involvement with magic. “We had a sub, so obviously we didn’t do anything in history.”

“Wait, what?” Rose said, turning to Trey as Eddie and I started for the door.

“Jaclyn Terwilliger. Ms. Terwilliger.” Trey’s explanation floated after us as we walked away. “She’s the history teacher at Amberwood.”

“Your history teacher is a witch?” Rose exclaimed.

“Eddie, wait.” Jill had followed us to the door and she surprised Eddie by throwing her arms around him. She didn’t kiss him, though I knew she wanted to. “Be careful.”

He nodded and awkwardly patted her on the back. “We’re just going to Jackie’s house,” he said gruffly.

“I know,” she said. “But it’s the first time you’re leaving me in a long time. Just … be careful.”

I smirked when Eddie’s expression softened and headed outside without him to give them a minute alone. I wondered if when I saw Sydney tonight I would have even more exciting news to share with her. Not only did we know where she was, not only were we actively plotting our next move to get her out, but was there also some progress with Eddie and Jill?

I was waiting by the Ivashkinator when he came out a minute later, slightly red in the face. I hadn’t driven the car Sydney had loved so much since I’d left for Court and I smiled at the memory of her as Eddie climbed into the passenger seat. Trey had been using the car while I was away and I was thankful he had left it with a full tank of gas.

As we drove, we talked about how we would get Sydney out just as I’d promised Eddie we would. He had apparently been thinking about it all day while I’d slept and I was pleasantly surprised that his ideas gave me a pretty big role to play. I’d been expecting most everyone to want me to take a backseat since I was Moroi, but Eddie seemed to know that was even less likely than him staying behind when we went. He had a lot of questions about what, exactly, I could do with spirit, how much I could use before it took a lot out of me.

Whatever the need, whatever the cost, I would have enough.

I would be enough.

Chapter Text

“And I know, Sage,” he continued, his eyes filled with fire. “I know how you guys feel about us. I’m not stupid, and believe me, I’ve tried to get you out of my head. But there isn’t enough liquor or art or any other distraction in the world to do it. I had to stop going to Wolfe’s because it was too hard being that close to you, even if it was all just pretend fighting. I couldn’t stand the touching. It was agonizing because it meant something to me—and I knew it meant nothing to you. I kept telling myself to stay away altogether, and then I’d find excuses … like the car … anything to be around you again. Hayden was an asshole, but at least as long as you were involved with him, I had a reason to keep my distance.”

- Adrian Ivashkov
The Golden Lily, 416

By the time Eddie and I pulled up in front of Jackie’s house, I could tell we were both feeling significantly better now that we had a rough idea of how we could possibly get to Sydney. We would still have to talk to the others, run our ideas past them and see what they were thinking, but it was a start.

Eddie and I headed for the front door. I was startled when it swung open before I even had a chance to knock. There, blocking my path, stood Malachi Wolfe, the man who had briefly taught Sydney and me self defense, who had loaned Sydney a gun and tried to convince me to take a blow gun, who was somehow, beyond all reason, dating Jackie Terwilliger.

“I heard your girl’s in trouble,” he said by way of greeting, looking right at me.

“Uh, yeah,” I said, and walked past him when he stepped aside.

“Breaking her out soon, huh?” Wolfe said, staring at me through the eye that I swore was covered by his eyepatch the first time I’d met him.

“Yeah,” I said again. “In the next couple of days, with any luck.”

“You know, I once mounted a rescue mission behind enemy lines when I was traveling in Kenya. A young girl taken from her family in the middle of the night …”

“Adrian?” Jackie poked her head around the doorframe of the room I knew was her workroom. She smiled, a little frazzled. “Oh, hello, Eddie. Adrian, I thought I heard your voice. Could you come help me with this for a moment?”

“Sure,” I said, semi-reluctantly leaving Eddie to listen in rapt attention to Wolfe’s tall tale. Sydney and I were about ninety-nine percent sure most of his stories were made up, but that didn’t make it any less entertaining to listen to the man talk. Jackie’s workroom was exactly as I remembered; every inch covered in clutter, stacks of books on the floor, amulets and herbs lining every surface, and no fewer than four cats stared at me as I entered.

The only difference was the huge duffel bag sitting on the tabletop. I peered in, amazed at the sheer amount of stuff she had managed to cram inside. There were jars of herbs, amulets, little pouches of what I assumed to be pre-mixed spell ingredients, books, and several small tins. I looked up at her, raising my eyebrows.

“I thought you were putting together a few things?” I said. I had missed Jackie so much. “This looks like the start of Sydney’s very own magic stockpile. You must have been working on this for hours. Jackie, you were supposed to be resting.”

“Yes, well, I couldn’t be sure what kind of dangers you’ll find yourselves facing. This really isn’t so much.” I shook my head, smiling fondly, when she turned her back to me to pour what looked like dirt into yet another little pouch. “It’s just a little bit of everything.”

“Thank you, Jackie,” I said. “Sydney’s going to be so grateful. I’m so grateful.”

She turned to me with somber eyes and a sad smile and laid her hand on my arm. She looked as exhausted as I felt, and I felt another surge of affection for her at the reminder that she had been working as hard as I had to bring Sydney back ever since she’d disappeared. I couldn’t be sure what emotion she saw in me, but her hand squeezed my arm. “You’ll be reunited soon.”

I let out a forceful huff of breath and nodded my head. “I know,” I mumbled.

“It doesn’t feel soon enough, does it?” she asked quietly. Wordless, I shook my head. “Keep your head up, Adrian. Our girl is strong; she’ll be okay. Now, hand me that jar please.”

I didn’t bother telling her it wasn’t Sydney’s strength I doubted but my own as I looked where she was pointing and found a mason jar of what looked like water sitting on a shelf next to a fat, curious tabby cat. I walked over, ran a hand over the cat briefly before I picked up the jar and brought it back to her. “What is this?”

“Water,” she said, frowning at me as if it were obvious. I rolled my eyes. It did look like water, but you could never be sure with Jackie. “You never know what you’ll need.”

For a few minutes, I made my way around the room, obediently picking up items that she requested and bringing them to her, watching as she somehow managed to make everything fit inside the duffel bag. Finally, at long last, when I was certain she couldn’t possibly stuff anything else in, she zipped the bag up with some effort and sighed as she looked around.

The bag was heavy when I hefted it from the table; it reminded me of my mother’s bags whenever we traveled, stuffed to bursting with unnecessary crap and almost too heavy for the straps I held it by. Only, I didn’t actually think anything in this bag was unnecessary. Or crap. To someone who didn’t know what it was, it probably would seem like useless random junk, but I knew better and if anything in this bag would help Sydney in the coming days, I would gladly lug it around for her. 

“Oh, yes! I nearly forgot!”

I turned to her, wondering how the hell she planned to fit even one more thing in this bag, to see her holding out her hand, palm up, to me. I frowned, then looked closer. There, sitting in the palm of her hand, was a tiny gold cross on a delicate gold chain. I couldn’t breathe. It was Sydney’s necklace, the one we’d lost ages ago, the one she had given me when I was drunk and depressed and drowning in spirit before I ever told her I loved her, but not too long before.

With trembling fingers, I reached out and took it from her. “I don’t … what … where did you find this?”

“It was here, in my workroom,” Jackie said with a non-perturbed shrug. “I don’t know how it got here; maybe she took it off to work one evening. I saw it the other day when I was puttering about and I thought you might like it back.”

Dropping the bag at my feet, I unclasped it shakily and put it on, nodding. I wasn’t sure how it had just turned up out of the blue; Sydney and I had both spent so much time in this room in the months before she was taken that I was certain we would have come across it. I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, though, and I sighed tremulously as the cold metal touched my skin. “Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Wolfe was still talking to Eddie when we emerged a minute later, but he seemed to have switched topics or at the very least was now talking about yet another rescue mission he had undertaken, this one apparently in Russia. As he ranted on about commie bastards I suddenly felt grateful that Dimitri hadn’t joined us on this particular trip. I could tell as Eddie glanced over with barely-suppressed mirth in his eyes that he was thinking along the same lines.

“Malachi, dear,” Jackie said, cutting him off with a fond look that made me happy for both of them. “The boys need to be off. They have a lot to be getting on with.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Wolfe said, turning to look at us. He studied me for a second before he reached over into a nearby drawer and pulled out a gun, holding it out to me handle-first. “Here, your girl might find a use for this. I know she can handle it.”

She could. I remembered watching her blast through the targets in his home shooting range, how alarming and sexy it had been at the same time. That didn’t mean I wanted to take the gun. Eddie seemed to realize this and reached out for the gun himself. He would probably find more use for it than Sydney anyway, now that I was set to deliver this giant bag of tricks to her.

Wolfe didn’t relinquish the gun easily to Eddie, eyeing him suspiciously. “Can you handle a weapon like this? You know this is a deadly object.”

“Trust me, I can.” Eddie’s back was to me, so I didn’t know what Wolfe saw in his expression, but there was something there that convinced him to let go of the gun. Once he’d checked the safety, stored it in his waistband, and tucked his shirt over it, Eddie turned to me. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” I said and turned back to Jackie. “Thank you again, seriously.”

She smiled tiredly and waved a dismissive hand at me. “It’s nothing, dear,” she said and her smile dropped as she leveled a serious look at me. “If there’s anything else I can do for you, do call me at once.”

“I will,” I promised.

“What are you going to do when we’ve got her out?” Eddie asked as he settled into the passenger seat on the way back to the apartment. He had stored the gun in the glove compartment before sitting down and I noticed he looked much calmer now that we had at least some semblance of a plan to break Sydney free. Or maybe it was the amused high that always followed listening to Wolfe’s latest crazy tale that had him feeling so light; I could certainly relate to that. “I mean, how are you guys going to stay safe?”

“I’m not sure,” I said, my heart sinking. It wasn’t like I hadn’t give it any thought. I just couldn’t for the life of me seem to figure out a decent plan that didn’t involve us being on the run for the rest of our lives. It didn’t matter to me; if that was how it had to be then fine. As long as Sydney was by my side, I could live like Marcus, hopping from shithole apartment to shithole apartment. I just wanted to be able to give Sydney some stability.

“If only she were one of Lissa’s subjects. Then you could just go back to Court,” Eddie said. I turned my head briefly to glance at him before frowning back at the road. “You know, since she’s the queen. She would be able to protect you if the Alchemists came looking for you, but Sydney isn’t one of her people. Lissa likes her and all, and I’m sure she would want to help Sydney, but she can’t legally do anything to protect an ex-Alchemist.”

“Yeah,” I said slowly. “It would be a lot more convenient if she could.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Eddie said, mistaking my thoughtfulness for hopelessness. “You and Sydney together? A genius witch and a half-mad spirit user? You guys can do anything.”

I laughed at his accurate description of me and shook my head. “I’m glad you’re confident in our abilities.”

“I really am,” Eddie said. I could feel him watching me for a few minutes as I drove. “You know, that night, right before they took her, Sydney was so happy. She was … when we were in the car, she was talking to me. About you. About your relationship. About how much she loved you. It was cute. It was like she was finally able to be a teenage girl talking to her friend about her boyfriend, telling me the cheesy, funny things you would say to her. Like how it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the world how insanely talented your kids would be. She wasn’t even fazed that those kids would be dhampirs. It was … it was really nice to see her so free and happy. Adrian, I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect her.” 

I took a second to respond, taking a deep breath to ensure my voice was steady when I spoke. “It’s not your fault, Eddie.” My throat felt tight with emotion, but my voice didn’t waver. “Sydney would have done anything to keep you safe, just like you would have done anything to keep her safe. I know that. She tricked you, Eddie. In that moment, all she wanted was to make sure you were okay. It is not your fault. It’s the Alchemists’ fault. It’s her fucking father’s fault. But it’s not our fault.”

Neither one of us spoke for the rest of the drive back, but when I parked the car in front of my apartment, he stopped me before we reached the front door.

“Thank you,” he said, looking at me with wide eyes, his face completely open and vulnerable to me. “For what you said in the car. About it not being my fault.” He sighed and shook his head. “Some part of me knows that, and you have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear you of all people say it. And I know Sydney wouldn’t blame me either, but I still feel responsible, you know? I was there. I was supposed to protect her and I couldn’t.”

“Believe me, Eddie,” I said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I know exactly what you mean. And once we get Sydney out, we can both apologize to her for our failings and let her verbally kick our asses for feeling guilty, okay?”

Eddie smiled weakly and nodded. “Deal.”

Jill threw the door open and I knew from her timing that she had been in my head for that little snippet of conversation. A glance at Eddie’s vaguely embarrassed face told me that he knew, as well. Jill ushered us inside and hugged us both as if we’d been gone for days instead of less than two hours.

“We’re actually about to leave,” she told us as I dropped Jackie’s heavy bag in front of the couch. “It’s family dinner night.”

Family dinner was code for a trip to Clarence Donahue’s house to pay a visit to his personal live-in feeder, Dorothy. We did actually eat dinner—usually pizza since I couldn’t handle Dorothy’s bland cooking—but it was mostly for the blood. Clarence was an elderly Moroi who lived in isolation nearby. He was filthy rich and kind and more than a little addle-brained with age and grief over losing his son and his beloved niece. He didn’t know Lee was dead—Sydney and I hadn’t had the heart to tell him that his only son had willingly been drained by Strigoi in a misguided attempt to turn again here in this very apartment—but he was aware of his absence.

“Good,” I said, realizing for the first time how long it had been since I’d had any blood. I hadn’t visited the feeders for a couple days before leaving Court and there had been no opportunity on our road trip. “I’m thirsty.”

“I know,” Jill said with a wry smile. “Trey and Angeline aren’t coming with us. They’re going on a date.”

“It’s not like you’re lacking guardians,” Angeline said defensively as she and Trey appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“I’m not complaining. You deserve a night off,” Jill said. I suspected she was more jealous than anything, really. She wanted to go on a date. With Eddie. “You deserve to have fun.”

“Can we take the mustang?” Trey asked. I tossed him the keys, but Eddie reached out and snatched them out of the air an inch from Trey’s outstretched fingers.

“Let me go get the gun,” he said, turning on his heel. I understood where he was coming from. Trey, I would trust with a gun. Angeline, however? Not without careful supervision.

“Gun?” Dimitri repeated, frowning as he and Rose appeared. “What gun?”

“Malachi Wolfe was at Ms. T’s,” Eddie said over his shoulder as if that explained it. To all but Rose and Dimitri, it did. “He gave us a gun.”

“Damn, I missed out on Wolfe?” Trey said, sounding truly dejected as he followed Eddie out the door, hand in hand with Angeline. Trey, like Sydney and I, had been fascinated by the man since the moment he had laid eyes on that fake eyepatch and heard one of his most likely untrue tales. The fact that he was dating Trey’s beloved zany history teacher only made him even more of an enigma.

“Who is Wolfe?” Dimitri asked, following them outside with Jill.

“I didn’t know you’d found God, Adrian,” Rose quipped suddenly when we were the only two left to file out of the apartment. I frowned at her, then saw her staring at my chest where Sydney’s cross had slipped out from beneath my shirt.

“It’s Sydney’s,” I said as I tucked it back under my collar. “Jackie found it and I didn’t want to lose it again.”

“How sweet,” was all Rose said as she followed me outside.

Dinner at Clarence’s was as normal as it could be in Sydney’s absence. There was pizza as usual, and Clarence brought out a bottle of wine expecting me to share it with him. When I politely declined, Rose stared at me again. I tried to pass it off as needing to keep a clear head to use spirit, but I didn’t think she bought it. She knew I had a high enough tolerance and mastery enough over my magic to down an entire bottle of wine on my own and still be sober enough for a spirit dream. It might be shaky, but it would do.

Clarence offered to allow Rose and Dimitri to stay at his place since there was only one bed and a couch at my apartment and those would be occupied by Trey and me, respectively. I had to again remind them that I had lived both here at Clarence’s and completely alone at the apartment without any guardians nearby to get them to accept. Honestly, I was glad to be rid of them. I didn’t necessarily mind their company if Rose would just accept that Sydney fucking loved me, but I could use a reprieve from the jealousy I felt every time they shared a tender look or a loving touch. It wasn’t fair to any of us that every time I saw one of my friends happy with their significant other I felt jealous that I was missing mine.

Eddie, Neil, and Jill dropped me off at the apartment on their way back to school and I settled in on the couch, reaching for spirit. If Sydney was off on another ill-advised mission, I was confident she would be late again, but I wasn’t going to chance her going to sleep at a normal time and keeping her waiting.

Trey came in a couple hours later whistling happily to himself and jerked me out of my trance. He halted when he saw me, realizing what he’d done and winced. “Sorry, man.”

I shook my head and sighed. “It’s fine. She’s not asleep yet anyway.”

“Oh, okay.” He stood there awkwardly, not quite meeting my gaze, then turned and walked toward the bedroom. “Night, then.”

I groaned. “Trey, if you hooked up with Angeline in my car …” I wouldn’t mind normally, but Sydney and I had wanted to do that—had actively planned for it—but the timing had been wrong considering my car decided to break down on her birthday.

Trey acted like he didn’t hear me, which was confirmation enough for me.

“Great,” I grumbled, then realized jealously that it probably wasn’t even the first time since he’d been the only one using my car for weeks now. Huffing, I stood up and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water and then turned the tv on quietly for background noise as I slipped into the trance and tried to reach Sydney again.

I woke with a start when Marcus walked into the apartment around nine o’clock the next morning. I hadn’t heard Trey get up, but I assumed he had already left for school since both the bedroom and bathroom doors were open down the hall and I didn’t hear him moving around in the kitchen.

“What did she say?” Marcus asked as he walked through to the kitchen. When I didn’t answer, he doubled back, frowning and holding a breakfast bar he had taken from the pantry. “Adrian? What did Sydney say when you told her everything?”

I stared at him as realization dawned on me, horror filling me. “I never reached her.”

“You fell asleep?” Marcus asked, a confused crease forming between his eyebrows. He knew me well enough by now to know that I was too obsessed with the idea of seeing Sydney to just fall asleep before reaching her. And everyone had relied on me running our loose plan past her and seeing what she thought; I wouldn’t drop the ball on my one job, the one thing I could reliably do better than anyone else we knew of.

I shook my head. “I mean, eventually, I guess. I was waiting for hours. All night. She never came.”

Marcus walked over and sat heavily in the chair across the room, breakfast forgotten in his hands. “Maybe … maybe they just didn’t let them sleep last night. Maybe the occasional all-nighter is part of the re-education treatment. Maybe …”

He trailed off. I could tell he didn’t believe what he was saying any more than I did. We were still sitting there, horrorstruck and studying each other, when Rose and Dimitri walked inside with a tray of coffees and a bag of what I assumed to be breakfast pastries from the place down the road.

“What is it? What’s happened?” Dimitri demanded, noticing our dismay at once.

I shook my head and shoved to my feet. Numb, I walked away and shut myself in my bedroom, leaving Marcus to fill them in.

Chapter Text

An image of Sydney's face appeared in my mind's eye, calm and lovely. I believe in you.
My anxiety faded. I took a deep breath and met the gazes of all those watching me in the room. Who was I to do this? I was Adrian Ivashkov. And I was about to kick some ass.
- Adrian Ivashkov
The Fiery Heart, 120

It was astounding how quickly I could go from optimistic to completely despondent in the span of just a few minutes. Well, it would have been if I hadn’t been like this my entire life. The spirit made my bipolar disorder even worse than it would have been on any normal person, or maybe the bipolar disorder amplified the ill effects of spirit. It didn’t matter either way; all that mattered was that I had never wanted to drown myself in a bottle more.

I couldn’t, though. I couldn’t let Sydney down like that. Not now, when we were so close to saving her. Not ever, when she had so much faith in me. Sydney was the one person in my life who had always believed I could be better than I was; she made me believe I could be better. She made me want to be better. I couldn’t throw that away. I needed to keep going, to push through the hopelessness and the self-hate, the darkness that wanted to swallow me whole. First, though, I needed to fall apart for a bit.

I told myself I would take an hour, would lie there in the bed where we’d so often physically and emotionally expressed our love and desire for each other, and wallow.

I took three.

It didn’t smell like her anymore, not even the pillow I had always told her was specifically reserved for her but would often rest my own head on at night after she was forced to leave and go back to her sister in the dorms. It didn’t even smell like me anymore. It smelled like Trey. That didn’t matter, though. The memories were still there, flashes of her in the bed smiling up at me with that flirtatious look on her face, standing at my closet reorganizing it for me while I laid on the bed and watched, her reading a baby name book in my bed for her coven initiation before we’d even seen each other naked.

I raged silently, outwardly still as I lay there on top of the comforter while a storm churned within me, wrecking me mind and soul.

Three nights. I had three nights with her. She had had three nights of totally drug-free rest. There was no way that the Alchemists just happened to randomly drug everyone again after Sydney started making the salt ink. There was no way. She’d been caught; I knew it. And I had to go to her. I had to do whatever I possibly could to get her out of there and into my arms.

When I stumbled from the bedroom into the kitchen, fuzzy-headed in that way I got sometimes when everything in my mind just got too much and my body seemed to want to shut it all down, I was feeling determined enough to at least argue that we had to go now. I found Rose, Dimitri, and Marcus already crowded around the small kitchen table, studying a set of blueprints spread out in front of them.

“What are you doing?” I asked. It was strange; my throat felt raw like I’d been screaming how I’d wanted to, but my voice came out normal, steady.

“Marcus managed to get his hands on some blueprints of the Death Valley facility,” Dimitri said.

“Sabrina dropped them off about an hour ago,” Marcus supplied, not even lifting his gaze from the paper.

“Here, look. We were thinking if we start off with Eddie’s plan, you and Marcus enter here.” Dimitri pointed at a doorway clearly marked on the map. “Then Rose and I will come from here when we get the signal—” he moved his finger to another spot “—which will be set off by Marcus’s associates here—” his finger slid to another point “—and Eddie will be waiting here with Trey.”

I stared, dumbfounded, blinking down at the blueprints and not seeing any of it.

“We think this is the most likely area they’re keeping most of the prisoners,” Rose said, gesturing to what looked like a hallway. “See all the different rooms? Looks like holding cells or something. Maybe rudimentary bedrooms? If we go at night, they’ll likely all be in bed which could complicate things seeing as we would have to open all these individual doors. So we might have to go during daylight hours. Maybe around lunch time since they would probably all be in the cafeteria area then.” She tapped a slender finger on the largest open area on the blueprints. “We think that’s probably what this is. See? This room right behind it looks like it would be an industrial sized kitchen.”

“We’ll have to figure out where isolation is, just in case,” Marcus told me, finally meeting my gaze. He looked worried. He looked determined. “But if worse comes to worst I figure you can just compel the bitch in charge to tell us where to find her. It’s actually a surprisingly small building by Alchemist facility standards, so it should be relatively quick to clear out once we’re in.”

“You know her?” Rose asked.

“Grace Sheridan.” Marcus nodded, eyes tightening, nose wrinkling, mouth puckering as if he had tasted something unpleasant. “She wasn’t always over re-education; when I first went rogue she was the one who was in charge of capturing me. I ran afoul of her once or twice, but managed to get away. She’s a nasty piece of work.”

“Then we better move as soon as we can,” Dimitri said. “How long until your people are mobile?”

Marcus grimaced. “Well, the good news is they’re already en route. The bad news is they won’t arrive until tomorrow afternoon. Everything came together surprisingly quickly and they were in a safe house I’ve got set up in Canada. Crossing the border is always tricky, especially if you’re trying to fly under the radar. I’ll admit that when I said my guys would be ready when we were, I wasn’t expecting for all the pieces to fall into place in three days. I’m good, but I’m usually not that good.”

“So we go the day after tomorrow.” Rose nodded decisively. “That’s good, actually. It gives Adrian two more nights to try to reach Sydney. We’re assuming the worst here, as I think we should in this situation, but for all we know it really could just have been a fluke. Either way, two days and we’ve got her. What do you think, Adrian?”

All three of them turned to look at me. Overwhelmed, I collapsed into the chair across from where Marcus stood, buried my face in my hands, and fell apart, tears of relief streaming through my fingers. “Thank you. I … thank you.” It was all I could say.

Dimitri rested a warm hand on my shoulder. “You said yourself Rose and I haven’t had the opportunity to be very helpful yet,” he said softly. “This is our time. We are trained for this. We are here for you.”

I managed to get ahold of myself enough to stop the tears from falling and nodded gratefully; at least I hoped he would see it as grateful. I still couldn’t really speak. Rose sat heavily in the chair next to me as I swiped my arm across my face. I looked up at her, expecting to see discomfort or judgment from her. Instead, she looked remorseful, wistful.

“We should have believed you sooner,” she began, then sighed and corrected herself. “I should have believed you sooner. I should have been more supportive. I should have been pushier with Lissa. I mean. God, Adrian. Of all people, I know how you feel. We should have been there for you, and for Sydney. We’re here now.”

Rose wasn’t one for apologies, but that was pretty damn close to one and it was a good one at that. I nodded at her and felt the last of the lingering tension between us slip away. I had been blaming her for a long time for the awful way our relationship had ended, but I was at fault too. She shouldn’t have cheated on me, but I shouldn’t have chased her so insistently. I knew she was in love with Dimitri when I pursued her; I was pushy with her, trying to get her to accept my feelings, to accept me, to find something within her that wanted me even though I could see that her heart belonged to him. It wasn’t at all like how I’d been pushy with Sydney, who already had feelings for me but refused for the longest time to acknowledge them.

“I … I need some air,” I said when I could finally string a sentence together. I got up and headed outside. For once, neither of the guardians followed me. Maybe I had finally convinced them that if nothing bad had happened to me in the year I’d been here, Palm Springs was relatively safe for me during the day. Maybe they were afraid I would start crying again. Either way, I was grateful for the solitude.

 I didn’t go far; I walked to the far side of the parking lot, sat on a bright yellow car stop, and fished Hopper out of my pocket.

“Two days, buddy,” I told him. “She’ll be back in two days and we’ll all be together again.” I didn’t know if he could hear me in statue form, but I wanted him to know just in case. “I bet the first chance she gets, she’ll reanimate you and you’ll get all the food you could possibly want and you’ll be in our way again and …” I trailed off, clearing my throat against another sudden swell of tears. “It’ll all be better then.”

He didn’t answer me; he couldn’t answer even when he was animated. This wasn’t a Disney movie; he wasn’t a talking dragon on his best day. But if I shifted him in the light just so, it almost looked like he tremored with anticipation. I set him on my knee and lifted Sydney’s cross from under my collar. For a moment, I just stared at it glinting in the sun. Then I lifted it to my lips.

“Two days,” I vowed, the metal warm against my mouth. I could almost imagine I was pressing my lips to Sydney’s skin as I sent the words to her, praying she could hear me and would know we were coming for her.

Sydney didn’t show up that night either, or the next. Rose’s face was taut and tense each time I woke, groggy and disappointed, to report … nothing. I knew she still felt bad, but there was nothing to be done for that now. All we could do was move forward, get on with our plans, and get Sydney back.

We were all on edge as we piled into four separate black SUVs—there were a lot of people locked up and we wanted there to be room for everyone who wanted to escape with Marcus. I rode with Rose, Dimitri, and Eddie in the first SUV. Marcus was with one of his associates in the second, another two drove the third, and Trey brought up the rear in the last SUV. He hadn’t complained about driving alone; I kind of thought it actually made him feel more important. Eddie had absolutely refused to ride separately from me and I assumed it was because he wanted to personally make sure, for as long as he could, that I was okay like he felt he had failed to do with Sydney that night.

No one spoke; we were all, I assumed, obsessively going over our respective roles in our minds. Finally, Marcus called me and brought the caravan to a halt at a gas station about half an hour away from where Sydney was. We all piled out and gathered around.

“Okay, we’ve hit the home stretch,” Marcus announced. “I figure we should all pair up here and ride the rest of the way with our partners.”

No one argued; it was logical. Who knew when we would have another chance to get out and all switch cars? After making sure all of the tanks were full, Rose and Dimitri got back in the SUV we had been in all morning, I hopped in with Marcus, Eddie with Trey, and Marcus’s three associates in the last SUV.

It was almost exactly noon when we pulled onto a dirt road. The other three SUVs zoomed past us on the highway as Marcus slowed ours and glanced at me. “You ready?”

I reached for spirit, all but gave myself over to it, concealing us both easily. “I’ve never been more ready.”

It was dangerous, how much spirit I was using. I knew Sydney would kill me if she knew. I normally wouldn’t dare try to use this much, had never managed to wield such an extraordinary amount of spirit while still interacting with people. These were unusual circumstances, and it was literally a matter of life and death. I would cheerfully risk my life and my sanity if it meant saving Sydney.  

The Alchemist who greeted us as we stepped out of the vehicle in front of the door seemed very confused to see us. She was young, maybe a year or two older than me, and her golden lily glimmered in the sunlight. “Can I help you, gentlemen?”

“Yes.” I kept my tone cool and clipped like I’d heard Sydney speak before when she was around other Alchemists as I showed the woman a blank piece of paper, confident as she stared at it that she was reading our fake credentials. “We have received word that some concerning matters have arisen here and we were sent to conduct an investigation.”

“Concerning matters?” She looked from me to Marcus, a frown creeping over her features. “Whatever do you mean?” She looked back at our fake credentials and her frown deepened.

“Ours is a very—how shall I say—clandestine department,” Marcus said deliberately as if he were carefully choosing his words, as if this hadn’t all been rehearsed already. “We operate off the books. Surely you can understand why we wouldn’t want the general public to be aware of our investigations. However, as my colleague informed you, we have been made aware of a particularly concerning resurgence here and that Miss Sheridan is at the center of it.”

The Alchemist paled and reached for her phone. After a brief conversation with her back to us, she nodded tersely and led us inside. “Miss Sheridan will see you.” She gestured to a closed door which opened as we approached.

I glanced at Marcus as we crossed the threshold. He looked unaffected on the surface, but there were pops of deep, muddy red in his aura that hinted he was feeling a bit angry looking at her, or maybe even a little anxious. He kept his gaze trained straight ahead, and I turned my attention to the woman who waited for us.

Sheridan was surprisingly young and deceptively pretty, the kind of pretty that insinuated she would run a dagger through your heart without breaking her fake smile or spilling a drop of blood on her smart, meticulously pressed pantsuit. “Gentlemen, I’m afraid you’ve caught me off guard.” She was standing behind a large, ornate desk. There were six men, surprisingly burly, positioned around the room and all of them were armed with guns. “I wasn’t even aware there was a Department of Occult and Arcane Transgressions.”

“Yes, well,” Marcus said stiffly—he had been against the name from the start, but he wasn’t the one making up the documents. I also wondered if he was uncomfortable being in Sheridan’s presence again, considering she was the one who had named him Public Enemy Number One. “OAT doesn’t make very many calls, especially public ones. But when a debacle of this magnitude reaches my desk, we’ve no choice but to intervene.”

“Debacle?” She frowned, feigning confusion. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration. I’ve got everything under control here.”

“Under control?” I repeated with a cold, hard smirk. “Miss Sheridan, are you denying that one of your inmates used illicit magical resources to escape your control and conduct affairs you still don’t even fully understand?” I was really banking on them having caught Sydney using magic. I couldn’t imagine her slipping up in any other way; she was too cool under pressure to misspeak and tip off her captors that she really was in love with me. “Is that what you call under control?”

“How do you know about that?” She blanched and I felt an odd mix of relief and horror. I’d been right to gamble on this. Sydney was caught doing magic.

“We have eyes and ears everywhere, Miss Sheridan,” Marcus said when I faltered, too concerned about Sydney to think straight for a moment. “Now, do we need to call your superiors or are you going to cooperate?”

It was a bluff, obviously, but Sheridan was too caught up in being called out to realize. She cast a concerned look at the stoic guards and gestured towards the door. “Leave us,” she snapped and then stalked to the door to shut it when they all complied.

Even with their guns, I had faith that Rose, Dimitri, Eddie, and Trey could handle six guards. I was suddenly grateful for the gun Wolfe had given us. I doubted they would use it unless things got really dicey, but I’d seen Eddie tuck it into a holster I hadn’t known he owned before we left. Trey had even, for some bewildering reason, brought his damn sword with him. I didn’t know what the hell he thought he would do with it, but maybe it just made him feel more confident in a fight. At the very least, it would definitely make anyone hesitate to challenge him. I wasn’t sure what Rose and Dimitri had up their sleeves; charmed silver stakes would be of no use to them here, but I seriously doubted they were unarmed.

“I don’t know which of my people has been reporting to you—” It was clear from the cold fury in her eyes that she had every intention of uncovering this nonexistent mole as soon as we were gone. “—but I can assure you that everything is well …”

The sudden shrill shriek of a fire alarm cut her off, followed by the crackling of the walkie-talkie attached to her belt. “Sheridan. Kendall here. There’s a situation.”

She lifted the walkie-talkie to her mouth. “Yes, I can hear the alarms. Is it contained?”

“No, ma’am. Multiple locations on level two.”

She bristled. “What do you mean multiple locations?” She looked up at the ceiling, surprise covering her face before she turned away from us. “Why aren’t the sprinklers coming on? For multiple fires, they should be universally set off. This whole place should be under water by now.”

“No one’s sure, ma’am. Nothing’s come on yet. Harrison went to check the manual override, but no word back,” Kendall replied. “Should we wait or begin evacuation?”

Sheridan’s back was to us; I assumed she didn’t want to lose face in front of the officials from OAT. Marcus had been right when he said everything would move quickly once we were inside. One of his comrades had apparently already found the sprinkler system outside and sabotaged it, presumably also disarming whoever this Harrison person was who had gone to check. Another one of his comrades had also managed to breach the second floor undetected through a window. The plan had been to set one fire, but apparently he’d been overzealous and had set several.

“Sheridan, do you copy?” Kendall’s voice crackled again. “Do we evacuate?”

Her shoulders were tense and for a moment I wondered if Sheridan was about to order Kendall to wait it out, see if the sprinklers would come on. Then, she pressed the button on her walkie-talkie and said, “Yes—evacuation authorized.”

The second I heard her say that, I let go of the magic and our disguises dropped. Her back was still to us, so she didn’t notice anything different. She gave us a brief glance over her shoulder and lunged for the door. “Excuse me, gentlemen. We have an emergency.”

Her hand touched the handle and she froze. Her head whipped back around to stare at us, wide-eyed and gaping. She pointed at me. “You!” Then she turned her attention to Marcus and snarled. “You!”

“Aw, you recognized us,” I said, holding my hands over my heart as if I was truly honored.

“I’ll take that, thank you,” Marcus said, reaching out and taking the walkie-talkie from Sheridan’s hand to stop her from calling off the evacuation. I didn’t know where he got it, but I wasn’t particularly surprised to see Marcus pointing a small handgun of his own at her.

“I don’t know what you think is about to happen, but you are not getting to Sydney Sage,” Sheridan said and flung the door open. “Stop the evacuation! Guards!”

“They seem to be a little tied up at the moment,” I said lightly, following her into the lobby. It was true; Rose and Dimitri had arrived and were tearing through the armed Alchemists like the were nothing. I guess after training your entire life to kill Strigoi, fighting a human—even a burly gun-wielding human—was like fighting a child. My friends had batons, long, thin, metal rods like the ones human police officers carried around, that made satisfying thwacking thuds every time they made contact—hard—with an Alchemist.    

Within seconds, all six Alchemist guards were disarmed, slightly bloody, and laid out on the floor. Marcus hurried over from my side to help zip-tie their hands behind their backs as I did the same to Sheridan.

“I hope you know you’ve just started a war,” she hissed at me.

“Wars have been waged over less worthy matters than love before,” I said and led her further into the lobby, depositing her against the receptionist’s desk and turning toward the sound of footsteps.

A small crowd of people, mostly bedraggled teens and young adults in khaki scrubs, filed in. The Alchemists among them looked shocked and terrified as Eddie and one of Marcus’s cohorts—whose name I thought was Aaron—prodded them along from behind.

“Most of them were in the cafeteria like we expected,” Aaron said, then gestured to one of the inmates, a guy maybe a little older than me. “But this one says there are a few more in the living quarters.”

“That’s on the second floor,” Dimitri said. “Where the fires are. I’ll go clear them out.”

Part of me wanted to go with him. Distracting Sheridan had been a vital part of the plan, but I still felt like I was being sidelined. Rose and Dimitri hadn’t signed off on Eddie’s plan that put me in the thick of everything. But Trey was hitting isolation and he should be back any minute with Sydney. I had to wait for her.

“Hey,” Rose said, reaching up to rub Dimitri’s bleeding lip tenderly. “Be careful.”

His hard eyes softened for a moment and he nodded, catching her hand for a brief caress. “I’ll be back soon.”

She didn’t ask him to stay and he wouldn’t have stayed if she’d asked, but she did watch his retreat with worried eyes as he sprinted for the stairs. Understanding her concern, I went to stand next to her. I didn’t say anything at first, didn’t touch her, but she looked up at me and smiled gratefully.

“Hey, at least you know he’s not going to be turned,” I told her.

“You’re such an asshole.” She rolled her eyes and elbowed me in the side, but I saw her lips quirk up as she turned away from me.

On the other side of the room, Marcus was going around to the inmates introducing himself and explaining what was going on. “Thank you for getting us out of here,” I heard one of them say. “I’m Duncan Mortimer.”

I turned to look at him so quickly I almost lost my balance. He was the one who had alerted Eddie and Aaron that there were others trapped on the second floor.

“Mortimer?” Marcus asked, blinking in surprise when Duncan nodded. “As in practically the first family of the Alchemists? Your parents run the show. How did you end up here?”

“I didn’t meet their expectations,” Duncan said, rolling his eyes. “I thought we should treat Moroi like people instead of monsters, so they locked me up for life.”

More footsteps sounded on the stairs, announcing Dimitri’s return with four frightened inmates. Close behind them were Trey and another of Marcus’s cohorts, a quiet guy named Silas who had been the one to start all the fires. Each of them was supporting a disheveled prisoner. My heart dropped to my toes when Sydney wasn’t among them.

“Adrian,” Trey said urgently, handing his drooping prisoner off to a concerned onlooker so he could rush over to me. “We cleared the isolation ward. She wasn’t there.”

“We need to find her,” I said, trying to force down my panic. Sydney was somewhere in a burning building and we didn’t know where. I turned to the nearest Alchemist. “Where is she?”

“I don’t know, but you have no right to …” the man shut up abruptly as Rose, rolling her eyes, shoved him roughly back against the wall.

I whirled on my heel, scanning the crowd of people around me. I rushed over to the guy Marcus had identified as Duncan, figuring he may know more about the building since he’d been here so long and his parents were apparently Alchemist leaders. Plus, he was Sydney’s friend and he wouldn’t want her burning alive.

“Where’s Sydney?” I asked.

“I … I don’t know. If she isn’t in isolation, I don’t know,” he said, looking terrified. I understood it wasn’t me he was terrified of, but the situation he found himself in. “You’re him, aren’t you? The super hot boyfriend?”

On my right, Sheridan scoffed in disgust. In any other circumstance, I would have been overjoyed to hear that Sydney had freely described me to someone she considered a friend as super hot. Today, though, there were more important things than my ego at stake. I turned to Sheridan, snarling, and reached for her. She jerked back, but I closed my hands around her arms and shoved her none-too-gently back against the reception desk.

“Tell me where Sydney is.” I didn’t bother with the honey voice that made compulsion easier. I poured spirit over her; she never stood a chance of denying me.

Her whole body went slack compliantly, eyes staring blankly back at me. “Fourth floor.”

“We couldn’t reach the fourth floor,” Dimitri said from behind me. “We tried. The doors would not open. The Alchemists we rescued on the third floor said it was unoccupied.”

“Why did they say that?” I demanded, not taking my eyes off of Sheridan. “How do I get to her?”

“You need special clearance,” she said, still in that eerie, empty tone of voice. “There are few who know about the fourth floor.”

“Do you have that clearance?” I snapped.

“Yes,” she droned.

I snatched the ID clipped to her breast pocket and held it in front of her face. “Will this get me in?”

“Yes.”

Satisfied, I turned on my heel. Eddie was at my side in an instant, calling back to the others, “Get everyone out of here. We’ve got the fourth floor.”

“You might need help,” Rose protested.

“We’ve got this,” I said darkly. “You clear everyone out.”

Enraged and overcome by concern for Sydney, I let spirit fly. Ahead of me, the door to the stairwell burst open a full three strides before Eddie and I reached it. No one else protested us going off on our own. We sprinted up the stairs. Even spirit couldn’t make me move like a dhampir, so I gave Eddie Sheridan’s ID and heard his triumphant exhalation when the door opened for him.

Surveying the floor, he held the door open so it wouldn’t lock me out again. I reached him a few seconds later and saw, to my dismay, that the fourth floor was basically just a corridor with dozens of doors on either side.

Eddie glanced at me and sighed. “Better get started clearing rooms.”

I reached for the first doorknob I came to and cursed when it didn’t turn. Of course you needed an ID for these doors as well. Eddie reached over me and held the card against the keypad. It beeped, and the handle turned. The room was dark and completely empty. We moved to the next one.

Each room was the same; devoid of life. By the time we reached the seventh door, I was beginning to feel anxiety prickling at the back of my neck. It was getting hot and I could smell the smoke billowing up from the floor beneath us. But then, something incredible and horrifying happened.

I found her, and she wasn’t alone.

Chapter Text

“He shouldn’t have said that,” repeated Adrian, eerily serious. He leaned his face toward mine. “I don’t care if he’s not the emotional type or what. No one can look at you in this dress, in all that fire and gold, and start talking about anachronisms. If I were him, I would have said, ‘You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen walking this earth.’”
My breath caught, both at the words and the way he said them. I felt strange inside. I didn’t know what to think, except that I needed to get out of there, away from Adrian, away from what I didn’t understand. I broke from him and was surprised to find myself shaking.

- Adrian Ivashkov, Sydney Sage

The Golden Lily, 247

“Sydney,” I breathed.

She was lying on a steel table, arms and legs spread wide and strapped down with iron-bound wrists and ankles. She was naked. And there was a man next to her. He whirled around when the door opened, looking both terrified and relieved until he saw a Moroi and a dhampir standing there. He raised a gun, and I instinctively hurled spirit at him; he hit the wall with a bone-rattling crash and slid thudding to the floor. Eddie hadn’t even made it to my side yet by the time I reached her.

“Sydney. Oh my god, Sage. Are you okay?” I asked shakily, touching her face with trembling hands. It was a stupid question. She very clearly was not okay. She had always been a bit too thin, owing to the disordered eating her father had conditioned into her, but she had lost even more weight to the point that she looked fragile, like she would fall to pieces if I so much as grazed her with my pinky finger. Her hair was dull and dry and her skin had a greyish sun-deprived hue to it. She was still so, so beautiful. I wanted desperately to kiss her, but I didn’t know what she had been put through and I didn’t know how she would feel if I did.

That, and there was a raging fire billowing up toward us from below. Certain things needed to be prioritized.

“Adrian,” she breathed, turning her face towards me as she struggled to focus dazed eyes.

“I’m going to clear the rest of the rooms,” Eddie said behind me. I tore my gaze from Sydney briefly to look at him over my shoulder. The Alchemist I had tossed aside with spirit was woozy but not unconscious, so Eddie had secured his hands behind his back and left him lying facedown on the ground.

Sydney’s shoulder shifted as she tried to move her hand to touch me, but her bonds were too secure. “Is this real?”

“Yes, this is real. I’m here, and I’m getting you the fuck away from these bastards.” I started fumbling with her restraints, but my fingers were clumsy with my agitation and the locks on her limbs were heavy and strong. “How the hell do I undo these?”

I was mostly talking to myself, but Sydney, ever helpful even in her addled state, answered jutting her chin over to the left. “The shelf. Look for a key.”

I started to take a step away, then took my jacket off and laid it over her before I hurried over to the shelf she had indicated and started rooting around. Really, I threw everything that wasn’t what I needed on the ground at my feet. I held onto a pair of rough khaki scrubs for Sydney and finally, on a hook I’d nearly overlooked, found a small key. I grabbed it and sprinted back to Sydney.

“I knew you would come for me,” she said quietly, almost reverently, as I struggled with the locks. I could feel her gaze, unfocused yet, locked on my face as I worked to free her. “How long has it been?”

I didn’t know if she was asking how long since her father had come to take from me or how long since she had been brought to this particular room.

“Too long,” I told her. Normally, she would have pressed for a more specific answer, but she was more than a little out of it and fell silent as I worked on her restraints.

Finally, the first lock gave way and I was able to free her left hand. “About time, Ivashkov,” I muttered as I moved to her left ankle.

“Adrian, look at me,” Sydney pleaded.

I lifted my head, my hands still working on the lock on her ankle, and saw a very strange look in her eyes. “What is it, my love?”

“You’re really real, aren’t you?” she asked. There were tears in her eyes as her free hand stroked the side of my face wonderingly. The jacket I had laid over her shifted with her movement and revealed her sharp, protruding collarbones once more. My heart ached for her even as rage swelled in me, but I pushed my unstable emotions aside and nodded.

“I’m real, Sage,” I assured her again and pressed a kiss to her leg, the only part of her that I could reach while still fumbling the lock. “I’m here, and I’m going to keep you safe.”

She blinked heavily and sent me a watery smile. I’d seen the syringes on a tray table near where I’d found the key, so I knew they’d been injecting her with something even though the drugs weren’t coming through the air vents like the bastards had intended for the entire compound.

By the time I made it to her right leg, I had the hang of it, and she was free quickly after that. I helped her sit up slowly and then set the scrubs down next to her. “Here, do you need me to help you get dressed?”

She shook her head and I saw with relief that her expression was beginning to clear. Whatever they had injected her with was wearing off. She stood up, wobbly on her feet, and I caught her. “Okay, maybe I do.”

I smiled thinly and nodded. I had plenty experience taking her clothes off, but this would be the first time I’d helped her dress. Mostly, she just used me for balance, resting her hands on my shoulders as she stepped into her pants. I had to cinch the drawstring tight to keep them from falling off her bony hips. She managed the shirt on her own and sighed once she was all covered. “I feel like … I’ve been naked for years.”

She stiffened when she saw the man on the ground behind me and I felt my rage simmering again.

“Did he … touch you?” I asked as calmly as I could. If he did—if he assaulted her—I was going to leave him to burn with the building and I wouldn’t feel any remorse for it.

“No,” she said. “It was … it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t sexual. It was … representative of being laid bare. My sins laid bare. It wasn’t … they didn’t.”

I attributed it to the drugs that she was having difficulty stringing a sentence together. She definitely wouldn’t have been able to lie to me convincingly in her condition. I nodded.

You should leave him to burn anyway, like he would leave you.

“Come on, we need to go,” I said, ignoring Tatiana and wrapping an arm around Sydney’s waist to pull her toward the door to find Eddie. For all that I had imagined our reunion, I had to remind myself that we were in a burning building.

“Adrian, wait.” She pulled me to a stop. “Why won’t you kiss me?”

Frowning, I turned to face her fully and studied her. She looked disappointed, and a little afraid. The fear was to be expected given the situation, but I began to wonder if she was also afraid that I was rejecting her. “I didn’t know if you would want me to,” I told her honestly.

Her expression softened and she looked at me with loving, vaguely amused eyes. “Well, that’s stupid.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck and, with a surprising amount of strength, pulled my mouth to hers. I had been trying to prioritize, to focus on getting out of here and to a safer space, up until this point. But as soon as her mouth was on me, all rational thought or memory of the fire raging below us was lost to me. My grip on her waist tightened, pulling her closer even as she pressed herself to me, and my free hand trailed up to twist through her brittle hair as our mouths moved desperately against one another.

“Adrian!” Eddie appeared in the doorway and Sydney and I pulled away from each other to look at him. He was sweating, either from the growing heat or the exertion, and there was a purple bruise already blossoming on his cheek just below his left eye. “Seriously? The building is burning around us and you’re making out!”

“Priorities,” I said with a shrug.

“Eddie,” Sydney breathed, looking at him with wide eyes. She must not have realized he’d been in the room with us earlier.

“Hey Sydney,” Eddie said with a brief nod. I could see the effort it took for him to maintain his guardian professionalism as he looked her over. He tore his gaze from her and looked at me. “I found a second girl in the last room down the hall. Bastard Alchemist got in an elbow to my face, but he went down easily. I just can’t figure out the damn locks on her.”

“I’m on it,” I said quickly, confident in my ability to free her now that I’d figured out how to get Sydney up. “Here, you take her.”

Sydney waved Eddie off as he tried to wrap an arm around her to hold her steady. “I’m okay.” I knew it wasn’t exactly true, but the drugs seemed to be wearing off quickly. She was a lot steadier than she had been a moment ago and I knew she would be okay soon enough. As I hurried from the room, I heard her say, “Did you just say the building’s on fire? You should get him up.”

I sprinted down the hall to where there was another Alchemist, a tall dark-haired man with a bloody nose and glasses knocked askew, sitting on the ground, his hands bound behind his back. He flinched when I approached, but I skidded right past him and into the room. The girl in here was not naked; I wondered if they only reserved that punishment for people like Sydney, who had acted out abominable sins of the flesh. It seemed her black hair had been shorn completely some time back, judging by the way it was growing out in uneven clumps of curls. She was strapped down much the same as Sydney had been and I was thankful that the key I’d held onto worked on her bonds as well.

Her eyes, half-lidded up until now, flew open when I started to lift her to her feet. She flailed, panicked, and cried out, a horrible feral sound. I wondered how long she had been there; she was positively skeletal—even thinner than Sydney—and her dark skin had an ashen tone to it. I slid my hands to her shoulders and ducked my head to look into her eyes.

“Calm down,” I said soothingly, adding just a touch of compulsion to the words. I hated to do it to someone who had been through so much already but—again—priorities. “I’m here to help you.”

She stiffened, then sagged against me. When she spoke, her voice came out in a hoarse croak. “Thank you.”

“Come on, we’ve got to move,” I said softly. She was too short to pull her arm around my shoulders for support so I shifted to sling an arm around her waist to hold her up. “I’m Adrian. What’s your name?”

“Ch-Chantal,” she managed as we made our way down the hall. “It … it’s hot.”

“Yeah, it is,” I agreed, looking up to see Sydney leaning against the wall near the exit. Eddie was nearby, hauling the Alchemist from Chantal’s room to his feet as he kept one hand on the bastard who had been watching over Sydney. “Don’t worry, we’re going to get you out of here.”

“Duncan. Where’s Duncan?” Chantal asked.

“He’s outside,” I told her, surprised that she happened to name the one person whose name I knew down there as I half carried her to Sydney with Eddie and his two hostages close behind. “He’s safe. I’m bringing you to him.”

“You okay?” I asked Sydney, sliding my free arm around her waist to help her as Eddie opened the door to the stairwell and shoved the two Alchemists in ahead of us.

“Yeah. The drugs won’t stay in my system long. They’re not sure why, but it makes them angry,” she said. “You just focus on helping her.” She leaned across me to smile at the other girl. “Did you say your name is Chantal? Duncan told me about you.”

“You—you know Duncan?” Chantal asked, interest sparking in her dilated eyes.

“Yes. He’s been very worried about you. He wasn’t even sure you were still here,” Sydney told her. She nearly ran into Eddie when he came to a sudden stop. The smoke was thicker the further we climbed down the stairs and there was an eerie orange glow behind the third-floor door.

“The fire’s spreading faster than we expected,” Eddie said, warily eyeing the black plumes billowing up from below us. The Alchemists began muttering hurried prayers that had Eddie rolling his eyes at them. “Sure would be nice if we’d brought an air user.”

Sydney slipped away from me, moving to stand in front of Eddie. “Maybe I can …” She held her hand out in front of her and I watched as the smoke began softly blowing away. Wind. She was creating wind. My girl was a genius. She looked back at us and shrugged. “I’m not at full strength,” she said apologetically, “but it’s something.”

“You’re brilliant,” I told her.

“You’re a witch,” Chantal breathed beside me, staring at Sydney with something like awe.

Sydney nodded, cautiously leading the way down the stairs. She glanced over her shoulder. “So are you. I guess that’s what the fourth floor is for.”

“I guess so,” Chantal agreed. The drugs were beginning to wear off on her as well, though not as quickly as they were wearing off on Sydney probably because she had had them in her system so much longer. I wondered if the effects didn’t last as long on them because of the magic in their blood, but I didn’t think we were going to be finding out for sure anytime soon.

We finally reached the first floor; I could see flames licking along the doorframe and threw spirit out to open the door again before Eddie could do something foolishly gallant like burst through and get himself burned. We made our way quickly through the building, skirting flames with Sydney blowing smoke away from us, until we reached the glass doors.

The others had moved everyone outside in two separate groups. Prisoners were being tended to by Marcus’s three merrymen and the Alchemists were huddled together, guarded by Rose, Dimitri, Trey, and Marcus. Eddie began roughly shoving the two Alchemists we had saved towards the others.

“Chantal!” A shout came from the group of prisoners and I saw Duncan surge from the small crowd.

“Duncan!” Chantal broke from my grip and stumbled towards him, throwing herself sobbing into his arms.

“That’s what I should have done,” I told Sydney, shaking my head ruefully as we watched them embrace and kiss passionately.

“It’s okay,” she told me, resting a hand on my forearm. “I was chained naked to a table in a burning building when you found me. You were understandably side-tracked.”

“I’ll make up for it,” I promised her.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” I started to lean toward her, then stopped when Rose interrupted us, pulling Sydney away from me and into a brief hug.

“Holy shit, Syd. This is insane!” Rose pulled back, holding her at arm’s length as she looked her over. I could see regret in her features before she disguised it with a smile. “You look great.”

Sydney scoffed at the blatant lie. She didn’t look great, she looked sickly and she knew it. It didn’t change the fact that she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. Rose gestured for us to follow her back to the group. Sydney planted herself firmly back at my side the second Rose released her, but we did follow her over. Trey stepped over to us as we neared, sweeping Sydney into a warm hug.

“It’s good to see you looking hot as ever, Melrose,” he said, his voice tight.

“Shut up, Trey,” Sydney said with a small laugh, then pulled away and looked at him, sincerity all over her face. “It’s good to see you, too. Thanks for coming. Hey, Marcus.”

“Glad to have you back, Sydney,” Marcus said, and then wrapped her up in a hug that clearly caught her by surprise. He kept it brief, probably feeling as awkward about it as she did.

“Sydney.” Dimitri laid a hand on her shoulder, nodding at her somberly. “I’m so relieved to see you.”

“Thank you, Dimitri,” she said distractedly, eyeing Eddie standing awkwardly behind him over his shoulder.

They hadn’t had a chance for a proper reunion inside and I watched her eyes fill with tears before she brushed past Dimitri to throw herself into her faux-twin’s arms. Eddie had held it together admirably the entire time we were in the burning building, but now that we were safe—as safe as we could be—he broke down into almost as much of a blubbering mess as Sydney as they clung to each other.

“I’m so sorry, Sydney,” he sobbed into her hair. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I failed you. I wasn’t good enough.”

“No, Eddie!” Sydney sobbed back. “You’re the best protector I could have asked for. The best brother. I’m sorry I lied to you! I’m sorry I tricked you, but they were going to kill you if you didn’t go.”

I moved aside to give them a moment. Rose and Dimitri followed me, looking surprised by the emotional reunion. I understood why; Eddie was usually so stoic and Sydney was no-nonsense and no-drama. “I told you they were like siblings,” I said, leaning against the SUV as Marcus made his way over to us.

“We need to get going,” Marcus murmured. “I don’t know what kind of system they have in place, but I would be willing to bet top dollar that some sort of alert went out that a facility is burning. Before too long, Alchemists will be swarming the area.”

“He is right,” Dimitri said. “We should head out. I assume these Alchemists will be fine until their associates arrive.”

Marcus gave a careless shrug. “Even if they’re further out than I’m assuming, it’s not like these guys are chained up or anything. Their hands are bound but they can still get up and walk into town.”

“He’s got a point,” Rose said. “And we don’t owe them any kindness. I’ll go get Sydney and Eddie.”

“I got it,” I said, already moving away from the car. Sydney hadn’t left my sight, but she had been out of my reach for long enough and I was going to rectify that. Rose didn’t protest as I walked away.

“No, Eddie, you can’t,” Sydney said softly as I approached, still sniffling a little. “You have to go back to Jill.”

He looked torn. “She’ll be fine. She’s got Neil and Angeline. And Trey’s going to be around; he’ll help protect her.” He paused, frowning, and repeated himself. “She’ll be fine.”

“But they’re not you, Eddie,” Sydney pointed out, laying one hand on his cheek. “You have to go back to Jill. Not for duty or honor, but because you love her. I won’t let you use me as an excuse to run away from your feelings.”

Eddie tensed at that. “I’m not running away from …”

Sydney cut him off quickly. “Don’t lie to me about running from your feelings. I know all about that. I know how scary it is to admit you’re in love with someone you don’t think you can be with. But all you’ll really be doing if you run from her is making yourself and Jill miserable. You’ll never get to experience the wonderful, terrifying, exhilarating rush of truly being in love. Trust me. I’ve lived both sides of it.”

This was exactly what Jill had wanted and as I watched, I saw Eddie’s resolve falter and knew I was right; Sydney was the only one who could get her point through his thick guardian skull.

“I know you’re right.” Eddie ducked his head. “But I also want to make sure you’re safe.”

“I’ll be fine,” Sydney said, smiling up at me. “I’ll be with Adrian.”

I smiled down at her and nodded. “Never letting go of you again.” She leaned against me and I slid my arm around her to prove my point. “Marcus is rounding everyone up. Time to hit the road.”

“I’ll, uh, ride back with Trey,” Eddie said with a small smile for Sydney, who returned it encouragingly. “See you later.”

“I love you, Eddie,” Sydney said, touching her fingertips to his arm before he turned away. “You deserve your own happiness.”

He nodded and his smile grew into something more genuine. “I love you too, sis. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

As we walked back to Rose and Dimitri, I planned on teasing her for admitting her love for another handsome guy right in front of me, but was interrupted by a high, cold voice. “You won’t get away, Sydney.”

Sydney halted in her tracks and turned on her heel to face Sheridan who was on her knees at the front of the group, glaring at us. “You will never hold any power over me, Sheridan,” Sydney said firmly.

“You think that you’re safe now? You think you can just walk free and live in bliss with your vampire lover,” she hissed. “You can’t. We will not allow it. We will find you, and we will …”

“Oh, shut up,” Sydney snapped. “And trust me when I say that you do not want to find us.” She started to turn, but something caught her eye, and a feral snarl escaped her as she lunged for Sheridan, who shrieked and scurried back, falling over onto her back. Stunned myself, I didn’t even try to stop her, but she didn’t attack. She reached out and roughly snatched a necklace right off Sheridan’s neck. “This is mine.”

She returned to my side and tugged me back to the car.

“Damn, Sydney. That was pretty badass,” Rose drawled as we climbed into the backseat—the duffel bag from Jackie’s house was in the middle row leaving only one seat free and we were not about to sit separately. Plus, this way we had more of an illusion of privacy.

“I guess I kind of snapped,” Sydney mumbled, embarrassed, but I knew Rose and Dimitri could hear her.

“What did you grab?” I asked quietly as Dimitri started speeding down the dirt road.

She opened her hand and showed me the wooden cross I’d gotten her to replace the one we’d misplaced, the one I was currently wearing around my neck. She sighed and frowned as she inspected it. “I broke the cord. I’ll have to get a new one.”

“It’s your lucky day,” I said, lifting the gold cross and chain from beneath my collar and slipping it over my head. I handed it to her, expecting her to snatch it gladly; this one was much nicer than the cheap wooden one I’d painstakingly painted the tiniest morning glories on for her. Instead, she took it slowly, looking up at me with questioning eyes. “Somehow—don’t ask me how—Jackie found it in her workroom.”

“I gave this to you once,” she whispered. “You gave it back.”

“I was hurt,” I reminded her. “It was cruel of me to give it back the way I did.”

“It was, but I never blamed you,” she said. “I want you to keep it. It’s yours.”

“You were so upset when we couldn’t find it,” I protested. “It means so much to you.”

“That was before you gave me this one. I like it better.” She shrugged as she slid the wooden cross off its broken cord and onto the gold chain so that both crosses hung there, one pricey and simple, the other cheap and decorated. She re-clasped the chain and studied the crosses, smiling softly. It was surprisingly nice, the way they dangled against each other. “When I get a new chain for it, I want it back.”

“Sydney,” I sighed as she slipped the chain with both crosses over my head again.

“Keep it,” Sydney implored, resting her head on my shoulder and closing her eyes. “Fool people into thinking you’re a man of faith.”

“Oh, but I am,” I whispered, my lips against her hair. I would be forever faithful to her, would follow her to the ends of the earth, and I would worship her until the end of time.

Chapter Text

… “And finally, I know that you know you’re no conquest, so don’t act like you seriously think that. You and I have been through too much together. We’re too close, too connected. I wasn’t that crazy on spirit when I said you’re my flame in the dark. We chase away the shadows around each other. Our backgrounds don’t matter. What we have is bigger than that. I love you, and beneath all that logic, calculation, and superstition, I know you love me too …”

- Adrian Ivashkov
The Indigo Spell, 285

The plan, as far as Marcus was concerned, had always been for all four SUVs to head in different directions before eventually meeting up in Mexico where Trey and Eddie would then double back to Palm Springs, and Rose and Dimitri would head back to Court. Rose, Dimitri, and I had never intended to go along with that plan, though we also hadn’t told Marcus that. Mainly because he would have wanted to know what our plan was and we didn’t have a clear one. Eddie, however, did know, which was probably why he was so reluctant to let Sydney go without him. We ended up in Vegas because it wasn’t too far away, and it was a hectic place where we could easily get lost in a crowd. There was also a hotel there which served Moroi called The Witching Hour.

We didn’t go to The Witching Hour owing to the fact that it was the most logical place for the Alchemists to look for us, but to a hotel on the opposite end of the strip. It was cheaper, anyway, and we were pretty low on cash. Much to Sydney’s dismay—and mine—we only got one room with two beds. So much for making up for lost time while we were here. Truth be told, it was probably for the best that we couldn’t have sex because Sydney passed out within twenty minutes of us getting to the room, before I could even order room service and make her eat something; the only thing she had taken the time for was a quick shower. Had we been alone I had no doubt she would have wanted to sleep with me regardless of her exhaustion. I wouldn’t have protested, but she needed her rest, so I was okay with her passing out, too.

I was sitting in the chair by the little table next to the bathroom trying my best to get comfortable. Usually when I slipped into a spirit dream, I did it from bed or a couch, or some otherwise soft seat where I could easily slip away from reality. It had even been easier to manage it from the car when we’d been on our insane information-gathering road trip. But then, I’d been eager to talk to Sydney those nights. I was not looking forward to this conversation nearly as much.

Dimitri was standing sentry by the door while Rose slept in the bed near the window. Sydney was sleeping in the bed closest to me and if we were alone, I would have just laid down next to her, curled my body around hers, and slipped into the dream easily, but I didn’t think our guardian audience was ready for that, namely Rose, who had showed a surprising amount of tact so far in not questioning Sydney about our relationship. So, I was trying to settle into the hard, straight-backed chair, trying to clear my mind and shape the world around me.

I had been at it for over an hour when, finally, the darkness of the backs of my eyelids began to fade and sunlight filtered down on me. I was just about to send out a tendril of spirit, reach out to Lissa, see if I could make a connection, when Sydney screamed. In an instant of pure adrenaline, gone was the image of Court.

Several things happened at once.

I stood quickly, knocking the chair to the ground with a loud clatter. Dimitri leapt away from the door, crossing to the center of the room in an instant, looking like an avenging god. Rose sprang from her bed, suddenly wide awake, her silver stake in hand. There was nothing for any of us to attack, though. Sydney was thrashing on the bed, whimpering. She was very clearly in the throes of an intense, awful nightmare.

“Sydney,” I called, pushing past Rose and Dimitri to stand over her. Her face was contorted in agony and there were tears streaming from the corners of her eyes. I wanted to climb onto the bed and pull her into my arms and hold her until she forgot all about everything she’d been through.

She won’t want your comfort. Who knows what they did to her in there? And all because of you. With all the action these last few days, I hadn’t heard too much from Tatiana. Her sudden return now was certainly unwelcome, and it was a jarring shift to hear the accusation in the words.

Sydney had said they hadn’t done anything sexual to her, but I knew from the marks and bruises along her body that they had done something physical and while she had been comfortable enough to touch me in the car, I didn’t know how well she would react to being woken by me. Cautiously, I sat on the edge of the bed and braced myself with one hand on the mattress across her waist as I leaned over her. She was still thrashing, and I knew even as I lowered my face closer to hers that I was crossing into dangerous territory.

“Sydney,” I said again. I reached for one of her hands, but before I could get a good grip, she yanked it away. There was a sharp pain as her fist connected with my jaw, and one of my fangs sank into my bottom lip. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get high off of my own bite and my own blood wouldn’t do anything for me, so all it really accomplished was a bit of pain. “Sage!”

Her eyes flew open; she was gasping for breath, trying to steady herself even as she struggled to sit up while I leaned back to give her space to maneuver. After a few seconds, her eyes met mine. The uncertainty in her gaze made me ache. Did she really not want me anymore? Then she reached up with a trembling hand and touched the tips of her fingers to my cheek.

“Adrian?” she breathed. “Is this real?”

It was almost exactly what she’d said when I’d found her strapped to the table. She was just confused and disoriented from her dream. I let out a relieved sigh. It wasn’t that she didn’t want me; she just wasn’t sure that I wasn’t part of some elaborate Alchemist mind game or maybe she wondered if I had pulled her into a dream.

“Yes, this is real,” I whispered. Giving in to the overwhelming need to touch her, I ran one hand through her dull, dry hair and laced the fingers of my other hand through hers. “You’re safe.”

For the moment.

Her eyes roamed my face hungrily and I could tell she was only seconds away from kissing me regardless of our audience—I knew the feeling. Then her gaze dropped to my mouth and she frowned as she ran her fingers from my cheek to swipe gently at the corner of my mouth. “You’re bleeding.”

“Oh. That,” I said with a shrug. “Wolfe taught you well.”

Her eyes widened in horror. “I did that? I punched you?”

“Don’t worry,” I said lightly, throwing in a smirk for good measure. “It was kind of sexy.” 

It was a ridiculous thing to say because of course it was decidedly unsexy watching her panic like that and not knowing how to help her except to try and wake her up. Sydney laughed anyway, a shaky sound. 

Then, to my horror, her eyes filled with tears again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay,” I said, and let myself do what I had been wanting to do ever since we had reunited. I pulled her to me, pressed her face to my chest, and buried my face in her hair.

Her arms wrapped tightly around my back, pushing herself further into my chest. I felt her take a deep breath and didn’t even have the slightest urge to tease her for smelling me as I was doing the same thing to her. Behind me I heard Rose and Dimitri whispering in the impossibly quiet way of guardians that made it difficult even for their Moroi charges to eavesdrop. I didn’t need to hear them; I knew they were talking about Sydney and me anyway.

I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, clutching each other, but at some point, Rose returned to her bed. She was still watching us, though; I could feel her curious gaze on the back of my neck. Dimitri seemed to be trying to make up for Rose’s lack of discretion by avoiding looking at us at all. I could hear him leafing through a paperback novel he had brought with him.

When I shifted, Sydney’s fingers curled into the sleeves of my t-shirt even as she pulled back to look up at me mournfully. “Are you leaving?”

I paused, deeply saddened by the open vulnerability on her face. She knew that I wasn’t leaving the room; there was no way Rose or Dimitri would allow it at this point, and where would I go anyway? But that didn’t stop the fear of being separated again. I understood on a very deep level; I couldn’t stomach the idea of not having her in my direct line of sight at all times after what we’d been through.

“Just getting comfortable,” I told her, and lifted the corner of the comforter. She realized what I was doing and scooted over so that I could slide fully into the bed beside her. Once I was settled, she returned to me and pillowed her head on my chest as I wrapped my arms around her. Her knee nudged its way between mine as she nestled closer.

The other bed creaked as Rose shifted behind me, drawing Sydney’s gaze. I could only guess what Rose’s expression looked like. She’d known for weeks now that I was in love with Sydney, but she was now forced to admit that she hadn’t given me enough credit. She had misjudged the situation; Sydney was in love with me, too. I didn’t think she would really have a problem with it given the taboo nature of her own relationship both times she and Dimitri had gotten together, but she wasn’t the most discreet person and I figured she was dying to give us the third degree. I drew Sydney’s attention back to me with a hand at the base of her neck. She didn’t need to deal with any crap from anyone right now.

“Go back to sleep,” I said softly when her eyes, deeply shadowed, met mine again.

“Will you?” she asked me.

“Eventually.” I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and smiled, trying to hide how tired I really was. I knew it was useless; she could always tell when I was spreading myself too thin. She frowned at me, so I explained before she could insist I go to sleep as well. “I need to talk to Lissa, but I haven’t reached her yet.”

Just to be on the safe side, we had all ditched our phones back in California at a gas station about fifty miles in the wrong direction. The detour had added close to two hours to our trip, but if it helped throw our pursuers off our trail, it was worth it. We knew the Alchemists had a ton of resources and technology on their side. They also knew my phone number at the very least since I had been so closely tied to Sydney’s job in Palm Springs. It didn’t seem too big of a leap that they could have my friends’ numbers, too, or that they could somehow use that information to track our location.

“You’re using a lot of spirit,” she whispered, gazing at me with concern written all over her face.

“There really is no other option right now,” I pointed out honestly. How else were we going to communicate with anyone? When she yawned, I stroked her tattooed cheek tenderly. “Sleep.”

“Only if you promise to sleep as soon as you talk to Lissa,” she said, lifting her head to give me a stern look. “You’re not going to be very useful if you’re dead on your feet when they find us.”

“I’ll be fine.” I had to be.

Of course you’ll be fine, Tatiana said. You’re more than even she knows.

I did my best to ignore her—Sydney was the only person who actually didn’t ever underestimate me and I wasn’t going to let my delusions get in the way of our relationship. It took me a few seconds and a couple quick blinks to clear my mind and focus on Sydney again. She was still looking right at me.

She frowned and I suspected that she had noticed my moment of distracted introspection. If she realized that I was hearing Tatiana in my head again she would definitely insist that I cut myself off from spirit again, Alchemists on our heels be damned. When she opened her mouth, I spoke quickly and quietly before she could.

“Okay. I’ll go to sleep,” I promised. “After I talk to Lissa.”

I wasn’t sure if I would actually have any luck falling asleep right now because it was difficult for me to let my guard down. What if something happened while I was asleep and I wasn’t able to defend her? But I had to admit she was right. What if they found us and I was so exhausted that I couldn’t access spirit? What if I reduced myself to a vulnerable bystander, nothing more than a liability, because I was too stubborn to rest when I had the chance?

Sydney looked at me for a long moment, her gaze piercing and considering, like she was contemplating whether or not she should bring up the disembodied voice I had drunkenly told her about before ultimately deciding to seek help for my mental state. Then her attention flitted behind me again and that uncomfortable expression returned. Rose was still watching us; I could still feel it. Anyone with any amount of decency would look away and at least pretend they weren’t listening to everything we were saying. Like Dimitri. But not Rose.

“Fine,” Sydney said and looked back to me, apparently deciding that we didn’t need to discuss my perilous grip on my sanity with others listening in. Even though Rose was one of the few people who knew about the negative effects of spirit, I appreciated the discretion Sydney showed in not bringing it up. She dropped her head to my chest again and I waited, fingers trailing up and down the achingly prominent notches of her spine soothingly for several minutes until I felt her breathing even out before I closed my eyes and began searching again.

It didn’t take me long to connect to Lissa this time, at least not nearly as long as it had taken me to get through to Sydney when I’d finally felt her presence on the plane a few days ago. Being queen of the Moroi, Lissa was a busy woman and therefore very stressed. Paired with the effects of spirit, she didn’t sleep as much as one might expect which made it difficult to know when she would be asleep. But there were no drugs or anything to keep me out, so once she was asleep, forging the connection was as easy as breathing.

When she materialized in front of me, she was wearing a set of long silky pajamas in a soft shade of pink that complimented her pale skin and hair. She blinked, taking in our surroundings. I had brought us to her private receiving area; it was more like a casual lounge area with a couch, a couple loveseats, and a television.

“Adrian?” Lissa said, realizing immediately what was happening. “Thank god. I haven’t heard from Rose or Dimitri in days. What’s going on? Is everyone okay?”

I hesitated before answering carefully. “Yes. Everyone is safe now.”

Sonya was the true master of reading auras, but I had always had an affinity for it, and between the two of us, we had taught Lissa well. I knew exactly what she was doing when she stared at me a little more intently, eyes slightly narrowed.

“Oh, come on,” I said lightly. “Don’t you trust me to be honest with you?”

“What happened?” she demanded.

“You don’t need to sound so royal,” I deflected.

“I am your queen,” Lissa reminded me, annoyance flickering in her eyes and biting in her tone.

“Yes, but you’re also one of my best friends, so forgive me for not bowing at your feet, my sovereign.”

“Adrian,” she sighed. “Will you just tell me what’s got you so afraid? Your aura is full of fear and worry and … something else. If something’s happened to Rose or Dimitri …”

What was the something else in my aura, I wondered. Determination to keep Sydney safe long-term? Relief to have finally found her? My overwhelming and undying love for her? My tenuous grasp on my sanity? It could be anything, really.

“Nothing’s happened to either of them,” I assured her. “I told you. We’re all safe.”

Relief sagged her shoulders, but she said nothing in response, only watched me and waited for me to elaborate.

“We found Sydney,” I said.

“Oh. That’s wonderful, Adrian,” Lissa said, but it was a careful statement, like she wasn’t convinced it was as wonderful as she was saying. “Maybe now you can move forward with your life?”

“I plan to do just that.” I knew full well that Lissa’s idea of me moving forward was not the same as mine because my future was fully intertwined with Sydney’s and Lissa was hoping—selfishly, but not maliciously—that I had been wrong and Sydney hadn’t needed saving. It was highly likely that she wouldn’t be happy to hear the truth.  

“So, are you on your way back to Court, then?” she asked. “Why haven’t Rose and Dimitri kept in contact? Why the dream? Why didn’t one of you just pick up the phone?”

“We left our phones behind in California,” I told her. “We’re in Vegas now. It’s actually a very entertaining story and it explains why we’re having a little difficulty getting back to Court.”

“Las Vegas?” She stared at me for a long moment and I could all but hear her thinking about how unpredictable I could be, how headstrong and spontaneous Rose was, how Dimitri would follow Rose anywhere but especially into danger. “I’m listening.”

“She was being held in a high security Alchemist prison in Death Valley,” I began. “They were drugging her and torturing her and starving her.”

“As awful as that sounds, I can’t help notice the use of past tense,” Lissa said almost diplomatically, as if this were a matter of state rather than a conversation with a friend. I realized suddenly that this sort of was a matter of state. We were bringing a huge issue to her and asking her to fix it, to throw her weight around and protect us.

“We broke her out with the help of some ex-Alchemists who may have burned the facility to the ground.” As long as I didn’t drop any names, I figured it was okay for me to talk about Marcus’s group and their act of arson. “Along with a number of other people like Sydney. Young Alchemists who disappointed their superiors by treating Moroi and dhampirs like people. Young moderate Alchemists who were being tortured in an attempt at more effectively brainwashing them.”

Lissa looked as if she had a headache coming on. I felt guilty for being the one to cause her even more stress, but there really wasn’t anything I could do about it now. What was done was done. She had to understand what was coming, and I also needed her to help us get back to the relative safety of Court. Ever since Eddie had mentioned her protection back in Palm Springs, it was all I could think about.

“The Alchemists aren’t happy with us,” I continued. “They’re following us, trying to capture us. Actually, more accurately, they want to kill me and probably Rose and Dimitri, and take Sydney back for more torture.”

“I don’t see what any of this has to do with us,” Lissa said, and held up her hand when I clearly wanted to argue. “Adrian, it is truly terrible what the Alchemists have done to Sydney and her friends, but these are Alchemist matters, not Moroi matters. I am queen of the Moroi, and I cannot make the Alchemists do anything. I know Sydney is special to you and Rose and Dimitri, but she is an Alchemist. This is not in my power.”

I frowned at her, deeply frustrated by her lack of compassion. She just didn’t understand. It was one thing for me to tell her what Sydney had been through, but it would be something else altogether for her to see it. I knew what I had to do to convince her. I just hoped Sydney would understand.

“She may not be Moroi, but she’s no longer an Alchemist and I am not leaving her behind. So, it’s up to you. Either you turn your back on me and cast me out, or you help us get back to Court and accept that Sydney goes where I go. If you choose to turn me away, well I can’t really say I would blame you. But if you choose to help us—” I paused briefly and had the immense pleasure of watching Sydney materialize before me. I smiled reassuringly when she shot me a questioning, vaguely panicked look; I hadn’t prepared her for this meeting with my queen. “—you may want to prepare for a visit from the Alchemists.”

Sydney had only met Lissa a few times before and there hadn’t been much time to sit and get to know one another when we were all being detained for questioning and later trying to concoct an anti-Strigoi vaccine. While she was arguably—by Alchemist and Moroi standards alike— perhaps a bit too comfortable with the Moroi and dhampirs she personally knew, she was still understandably guarded around those she didn’t. I wrapped my arm around Sydney’s waist and pulled her close to me. I didn’t miss the way Lissa’s gaze zeroed in on the overly familiar contact.

I had told her I was in love with Sydney; she couldn’t say that I hadn’t warned her. But it was clear that she hadn’t believed me. Rose’s doubt that Sydney could return my feelings was one thing, but I hadn’t considered that Lissa may have thought I was lying about my feelings to spur her to action.

“Adrian, what is this?” Lissa sighed as if I had done something naughty, as if she thought she ought to have expected it of me.

Shouldn’t she have? Aunt Tatiana sneered. Her boyfriend and Belikov could accept it. Rose believed your feelings, even if she couldn’t believe the girl’s. Why is it that the women in your life don’t even know you at all?

Because I didn’t show them this side of me, I realized. Because I downplayed every genuine thing about myself with everyone other than Sydney and Jill. Rose and Lissa didn’t understand because I had never really let them in. People at Court were always so dismissive of me, always expecting the worst of me because it was what I had taught them to expect. I guess falling in love with a human was a bit much even for me. 

Dimitri knew because he had witnessed me falling in love with Sydney. He was so far gone in love himself that it was probably so obvious to him every time she came over to my apartment to help with the research that my interest in Sydney went far beyond our entertaining banter. Hell, I’d practically attacked him when he’d pushed just a little too hard against her discomfort trying to get her to donate a little blood for testing.

Christian saw it because he knew a thing or two about putting on a front as well. Hadn’t he played into people’s fears about him wanting to turn Strigoi for years at St. Vladimir’s? Hadn’t he been the brooding bad boy with anger issues just because it was what people expected of him? It was only when he met Lissa and fell in love with her that he began to let his mask slip.

“I did tell you I was in love with her, cousin,” I pointed out.

“This is too far even for you,” Lissa said sharply.

Even for you.

Sydney tensed in my arms and if I didn’t know how upset she got when people underestimated me, I might have thought she was freezing up in fear of the Moroi before her. But no. Sydney had a tendency to overcome her own discomfort to avenge any slight to my character. She had gone off on my own father the only time she’d ever met him because he was being a dick to me. She didn’t know that I knew about that, but it was one of the first things that had endeared her to me so strongly, one of the first things that had made me realize I was beginning to fall for her.

“We,” I said, because Rose, Dimitri, Eddie, Trey, Marcus and his cohorts had all played a role, “got her out of that hellhole.”

“Adrian,” Lissa started, that annoying royal tone creeping back into her voice, but I turned my back to her.

“Show her,” I told Sydney.

“What?” Sydney said, turning her face up to mine.

“Show her what you really look like after being locked away with them,” I said. My tone was urgent, demanding, though Sydney and I both knew that I would never force her; I had always left her appearance in her control whenever I dreamed with her. Well, ever since I’d taught her how to alter it herself.

When I’d pulled her in, she was in a pair of jeans and a simple white t-shirt—very relaxed Sydney of her—but she didn’t look as thin as she was in real life, didn’t have the deep shadows under her eyes or the angry purple bruises on her wrists and ankles where they had kept her chained up for days. She looked, more or less, how she had before they had taken her.

“Show her what they’ve done to you.”

“Adrian,” Sydney pleaded in a broken voice.

I wouldn’t call her vain, exactly, but I knew how much Sydney’s appearance meant to her. It was entirely due to her father’s strict, controlling, perfection-obsessed upbringing.

“Please, Sage,” I whispered, heart aching for her. I hated that I had to ask this of her, but Lissa’s less than thrilled greeting left me no choice. “I’m so sorry to do this to you, but I’m asking her to risk a centuries-long alliance for this. She has to understand.”

Tears swam in her eyes. For so long I had worked endlessly to convince her that she didn’t need to lose weight, that she could even stand to gain a few pounds. It had taken a lot of convincing, a lot of tough love, a lot of sweet love, a whole lot of immensely pleasurable—on both of our parts—body worshipping, to convince her to see things my way. And now, just a few months later, she was horrified by how thin she was. She was right to be horrified; she was too thin. She was unhealthy, and had obviously been starved by her captors.

But she was still beautiful. The most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on.

After a brief hesitation, I saw her eyes, still locked on mine, begin to shift. Her face grew gaunt, paler even than mine or Lissa’s, her eyes sunken and shadowed and haunted, skin almost translucent. She looked more like a stereotypical vampire than Lissa and I did. Her hair, freshly washed, still hung limp and dull around her face.

“Thank you,” I whispered, kissing her gently. I gripped one of her hands in mine and brought her wrist to my mouth, kissing her bruised flesh tenderly. “So beautiful. So strong.”

She had changed her outfit as well, trading the jeans for a pair of shorts that showed her thin legs covered in patchwork bruises and the shirt for a tank top that showed her too-prominent collarbones and pointed shoulders. She had committed, apparently; if she was showing how mistreated she’d been, she would show it all.

“The Alchemists did this to you?” Lissa asked, her eyes going cold. “Your own people?” 

“They’re not my people,” Sydney said defiantly. “My place isn’t with them anymore. It’s with Adrian and the rest of our family in Palm Springs.”

I knew her choice of words was deliberate, stating to the Moroi queen that her family was a group of Moroi and dhampirs, an ex-apprentice vampire hunter turned dhampir-lover, and a coven of witches. She was not a normal human. She was not an Alchemist and after what she had been through at their hands no one would ever dare call her one again.

“What do you need from me?” Lissa asked me.

“A ride back to Court? Amnesty once we get there?”

Lissa laughed humorlessly. I knew it was a big ask, especially since the Alchemists could already be practically at her gates for all we knew. “Is there anything else?”

“Well,” I said thoughtfully. “Any chance Christian could have that bacon-wrapped meatloaf waiting when we get there? I never did get a chance to make it for her.”

“Glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor,” Lissa said drily, but I saw the corners of her mouth twitch.

I was a pain in her ass for sure, but she did love me.

“I am so sorry that this is what you’ve been forced to endure,” Lissa said, addressing Sydney, and even if I didn’t know the torture, however fleeting, that she had endured not even two years ago at Viktor Dashkov’s command I would have sensed how sincere the sentiment was. “I will see what I can do, but with so little warning I’m not sure what loopholes we might uncover before the arrival of the Alchemists.”

“Whatever you can do, cousin,” I said, my grip on Sydney tightening. Her hands covered mine on her hips. “I’ll be forever in your debt.”

Lissa shot me a wry smile as I let her begin to dissolve from our dream. “You have no debts here, cousin.”

Once she was gone, instead of letting the dream dissolve as well, I turned to Sydney and took her into my arms. She settled into my embrace, practically melting into me, and I relished in the feel of her here in the dream, but also physically in the bed beside me. After a blissful moment, she pulled back, letting her hands trail up the full length of my arms.

“You need to sleep, Adrian,” Sydney said softly, caressing my face with both hands.

“I don’t want you to have any more nightmares,” I admitted, pulling her closer again by her hips. “I’m going to protect you.”

I had done the same thing when Alicia had been hunting her, hosting her in a spirit dream for hours every night until we faced her. That was before she knew the toll that much consistent spirit use could have on me. I knew she would never allow it now that she knew, especially since she was aware that I would probably have to use a lot more before we were out of this mess.

“You are protecting me, Adrian. You got me out. You’re here in bed with me; I can actually feel the way we’re wrapped together in real life,” she murmured. “Please rest. For me. We’ll be together when we wake up.”

It was a dirty trick, asking me to do it for her. But she wasn’t wrong to insist I needed rest. I had used a lot of spirit lately and hadn’t slept regularly since before the Alchemists took her. Honestly I was exhausted, but I would gladly keep her here safe in this dream with me until she woke. It was only the very real fear that the Alchemists would track us down before Lissa came through with our transportation back to Court that made me relent. No way was I going to be completely drained if that happened.

“Okay.” I sighed and brought our mouths together in a languid kiss. “I’ll go to sleep. I love you.”

“I love you,” she said.

I held onto the dream, held onto her, for a moment longer and then slowly let the world fade away until all I saw was the back of my eyelids.

Chapter Text

Adrian Ivashkov wasn’t easy to surprise, but I surprised him then when I brought his mouth toward mine. I kissed him, and for a moment, he was too stunned to respond. That lasted for, oh, about a second. Then the intensity I’d come to know so well in him returned. He pushed me backward, lifting me so that I sat on the table. The tablecloth bunched up, knocking over some of the glasses. I heard what sounded like a china plate crash against the floor.

Whatever logic and reason I normally possessed had melted away. There was nothing but flesh and fire left, and I wasn’t going to lie to myself—at least not tonight.

-The Indigo Spell, 336-7

Sydney wasn’t in my arms when I woke up.

I sat up quickly, looking around in a blind panic. Where was she? Had it all been a dream? I didn’t know if I could survive if it was all just a dream, if she was still gone.

“She’s in the bathroom.”

My head turned sharply in the direction of the window; Rose was standing there illuminated in the glow of the late morning sun. It was strange to wake and see her there like that, knowing that a year ago the sight would have had me on my knees before her, panting in lust and what I’d thought at the time was love. Looking at her now, I felt nothing. I could recognize that she was beautiful—gorgeous, even—but she was nothing compared to Sydney and what I had felt for her, as all-consuming as it had been at the time, was trivial. It was skin-deep, never quite touching the heart.

Now that she mentioned it, now that I wasn’t panicking, I could hear running water in the bathroom, what sounded like the bathtub filling up.

“How long has she been up?” I asked. My voice was rough with sleep, my throat dry and sore. I wondered how long I had slept. I felt more rested than I had in months but that didn’t mean I had slept long, just that I had slept well with Sydney in my arms again.

Rose shrugged as I got up and walked to the mini fridge Dimitri had stocked with bottles of water. I made a face as I chugged a bottle. What I really wanted was blood, but there wasn’t time to track down a feeder and I knew the Alchemists would check The Witching Hour first if they tracked us to Vegas. I would be fine for a few more days still and could certainly hold out until Lissa got us out of here, hopefully tonight.

“I think she woke up around the time he went to sleep.” She nodded at Dimitri, sleeping lightly on the bed she had been in when Sydney and I fell asleep. “That was about an hour ago, but she didn’t say anything, just lay there with you.” Her tone was a little off, uncertain, like she wanted to question me. Or maybe she just didn’t know how to admit she had been wrong about Sydney and me. “She only actually got up a few minutes ago.”

I nodded and turned away. “I’m going to talk to her.”

“Adrian, she’s taking a bath,” Rose protested.

“Rose,” I said, mimicking her scandalized tone. “You’re not stupid.”

There was so much more I could have said to get my point across, but I left it at that and strode across the room, confidently twisted the doorknob—I smiled, knowing that I was the only reason she would have left the door unlocked—and walked into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and, with a soft click, locked it.

“I knew you would be up as soon as I got out of bed,” Sydney said smugly.

When I turned to her, my heart stopped. She was perched on the edge of the tub waiting for it to finish filling, and she was naked. It was reminiscent of our first time in the little snowed-in bed and breakfast not far from Court. The only difference was that she was almost emaciated now; even still, I knew every inch of her body and couldn’t wait to get my hands on her again. We’d been all over each other in the dream a few nights ago, obviously, but nothing could compare to Sydney in the waking world.

“Took me a few minutes, according to Rose,” I said, slowly crossing to her. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“You didn’t. Not even a little.” She stood when I reached her, her hands going to the hem of my shirt, tugging and lifting until finally she flung it away towards the door. I knew she was talking about the way I had obsessively searched for her until finally yanking her into a spirit dream the moment she fell into a mostly un-addled sleep. My mental instability and obsessive personality were good for something, apparently. “Even if you had, I would have waited a lifetime.”

“A little desperate for me there, Sage?” I teased weakly as her fingers went to my belt. Mere seconds later, it fell with a soft clang as the metal buckle hit the tile floor.

She met my gaze, the look in her eyes a blazing confirmation that would have made me hard if I weren’t already there. She leaned up onto the very tips of her toes to bring her lips to my ear.

“Yes,” she breathed as if it were some sort of dirty secret, gripping my wrists and bringing my hands up from her waist to her chest.

“My god,” I groaned. She was going to be the incredibly sexy death of me.

I slid one hand up to the back of her neck to tangle in her hair, using the grip to maneuver her into a better angle, leaving the other hand to fondle her as she so clearly wanted, and pulled her mouth to mine. I kissed her hard and deep and with all the pent-up passion of months of pure terror and incessant worry over her wellbeing, walking her back towards the counter.

“Wait, wait,” she said breathlessly. To my dismay, she pulled away from me. But she only ran back to the tub and turned the water off, practical as ever. I had to smile; she would never know how desperately I had missed her.

In an instant, she was back in my arms, radiating eagerness as I lifted her up onto the counter next to the sink and stepped in between her legs. They wrapped around my waist loosely as her fingers fell back to the waistband of my slacks, unbuttoning them and pushing them down my hips along with my boxer briefs with almost manic enthusiasm.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I was grinning as I stepped out of the pool of clothing at my feet. Had it really been only a year ago that she had been not quite terrified of me but decidedly reluctant to be around me?

“What?” she asked, tracing my wide, toothy grin with her fingers. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing’s funny,” I assured her, and turned my face to kiss her wrist. “I’m just so … relieved that I’ve finally got you here with me.”

I was absolutely giddy over it. We weren’t out of the woods yet, but we would be soon. Rose and Dimitri had our backs and, back at Court, so did Lissa. But even without them, even if it was just Sydney and me against the Alchemists, in that moment I felt confident that we could have beaten them.

“Oh.” Sydney smiled up at me, utterly radiant. “Me too.”

I stepped forward, following her cue when she tightened her legs around me to draw me in, and kissed her when she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck and pressed our chests together. It was supposed to be a long, slow kiss, the kind that evoked a comfortable warmth that dragged all the way up from the toes and brought a pang to the belly. Instead, I broke off on a groan when Sydney rolled her hips against me, very nearly bringing me into her if not for the awkward angle. The head of my cock caught on her clit as the slick, warm heat of her rolled over me, and she gasped and did it again.

Already nearly undone, I dropped my head to her shoulder and started planting sloppy, open-mouthed kisses to her bare skin. A minute later, just as I was about to grip her by the hips and push into her for real, she slid her hands to my chest and applied the tiniest bit of pressure, immediately stopping me in my tracks. “Do you have a condom?”

The question caught me off guard; she had never asked me to wear a condom before, not even the first time we were together. I would have without complaint, of course. I wasn’t a complete asshole, and as much as I wanted a future with her, it was not a good time for babies. She had been on birth control for months before we started having sex. She had preferred being the one to control our sexual health and I had been totally on board with it because on the one hand, whatever got her comfortable to finally take that leap with me was good enough for me and on the other hand, I had never had sex without a condom before and I was really interested to know what it was like.

It struck me then how stupid I’d been not to think of it before now. She had been imprisoned for months and there was no chance that the Alchemists had allowed her to keep up with her birth control, especially since they knew one of the only reasons she was on it was because of me. It would have been so easy to just pick up a box of condoms at one of the half a dozen gas stations we had been to in the past week. Frowning, frustrated with myself while simultaneously being impressed with Sydney for having thought of it, I shook my head.

“No,” I admitted, cupping her face in my hands to kiss her again. “Sex wasn’t exactly my top priority when packing for this trip.”

I did own condoms. At least, I thought I did. It had been a while since I’d had need of them, but if they did exist, they were somewhere tucked away in a drawer back in Palm Springs. For all I knew, they were past their expiration date. Or maybe Trey and Angeline had found them and put them to good use. I hadn’t looked for them or even spared them a thought since I’d moved into the apartment and stashed them away. Since I’d started being on my best behavior for Jill’s sake, I hadn’t allowed myself the distraction of a meaningless hookup and once I’d recognized my feelings for Sydney, I hadn’t wanted the cheap thrill. I’d only wanted her. I would only ever want her again.

She frowned, disappointed, and it was such an ego boost that I couldn’t fully contain my smirk. I let my hands run down the length of her back—I tried not to make it obvious that I could feel every too-prominent knot of her spine along the way—to cup her hips and pull her even further to the edge of the counter towards me. A quiet, breathy moan left her when I caught her clit again.

“That should win me points, you know. I was more concerned with your safety and wellbeing because I love you, not just having sex with you,” I said quietly.

“I already knew that, though. You broke into a high-security Alchemist center and burned the building to the ground to rescue me,” she pointed out and the adorable little crease between her eyebrows told me that she was trying to problem solve. “I obviously haven’t had access to birth control in months. We can’t have sex without a condom.”

I wondered if she was even capable of getting pregnant in her current state, but I wasn’t going to say it and we sure as hell weren’t going to test it. She was eyeing me contemplatively and I wondered if she was considering having me leave to go buy condoms. Normally, I would have been okay with that. If it had just been the two of us, I would have been out the door and in the lobby the second I realized I was lacking a necessary element here. Considering the situation, though, I wasn’t sold on the idea. There was no way our steadfast guardians would let me leave alone and given that Dimitri was currently asleep, that would leave my ex-girlfriend with whom I’d very nearly had sex—ironically enough, the only reason Rose and I didn’t have sex was because I didn’t have a condom on me the one time we’d nearly done it—trailing after me to buy condoms to use with my current girlfriend. No way in hell was I going to do that and put up with Rose’s snarky commentary about my lack of preparedness.  

“That’s okay,” I said, dropping to my knees on the cold tile floor. “There’s so much we can still do.”

Her breath caught when I trailed my hands up her inner thighs slowly, seductively. Already, I could see how wet she was as I spread her legs so that I could nestle my head in between them. Practically salivating for her, I laid my tongue flat against her and slowly dragged my way up until it was just the point of my tongue on her clit. She gasped and draped one of her legs over my shoulder, the heel of her foot on my back pressing me closer. I savored the exquisite taste of her as I licked her a few more times, tongue swirling and teasing her; her heel in the small of my back was almost painful by the time I clamped my lips over her clit. It was quick after that.

She didn’t scream—she had never let herself go that much except for in the dream the other night, not when the stakes had always been so high for our relationship—but her soft, breathless moans reverberated around the bathroom and I knew, especially given bathroom acoustics, that Rose and Dimitri could hear her. There would be absolutely no mistaking what we were doing. I didn’t give a shit.

It had always surprised me from day one how quickly I was able to get her off. Sex, and the foreplay that was such an important part of it, was an area in which I had always prided myself on being particularly talented. It didn’t exactly come naturally to me, but I’d started having sex at the too-young age of fourteen and I’d had a lot of partners and a lot of opportunities to learn. Sydney knew this, and once we’d hashed out that she wasn’t just another girl, it hadn’t bothered her again. At times, though she had never said it aloud, I got the feeling she was actually thankful for my past. Still, even with all my experience, I couldn’t think of a single girl I’d been able to consistently get off so quickly and—I would never call it effortless, but it was definitely easy. Granted, there weren’t that many girls I’d been with more than once, so maybe I could have figured it out with some of them, but it had happened the very first time I’d gone down on Sydney and every time after. Sometimes I wondered if her repressed upbringing had a part in it, but in the end it didn’t matter; I really liked being able to do this for her so easily. It gave me more time to dedicate to giving her multiple orgasms.

So when she gripped my hair in both hands to keep me there after she rode out her first orgasm, her hips rolling softly against me, I knew she wanted more. My lips still clamped around her clit, I moaned at the delightful pain in my scalp when she tugged roughly at my hair and she gasped at the vibrations, her hips bucking toward me. I pulled my lips away, ignoring her weak protest—I wasn’t even close to finished—and replaced my mouth with my fingers, circling her as I let my tongue drag flat up the slit of her. She moaned again when I entered her with my tongue, licking at her from the inside out as my fingers started rubbing her harder. Her breath quickened again, coming in sharp little gasps and whimpers until her body stiffened again, bowing up against my mouth and fingers. With my free hand, I reached up to massage her breast, rubbing my thumb over her stiffened nipple softly, but firmly. I’d learned early on that Sydney liked when I paid attention to her breasts, but she did not want them manhandled.

After three orgasms with my mouth and hands between her legs, the pressure from her heel on my back subsided and her hands fell from my hair to my shoulders, gently pushing me back. I looked up from my preoccupation with her clit and saw that she looked completely exhausted, both in the sexually sated sense and in the overworked sense. Guilt nagged at me for half a second—how could I have expected her to immediately be ready for our usual sexual activity after what she had been through—before she smiled at me and pulled me to my feet to kiss me.

“I love you,” she breathed against my lips.

“You are the single most important thing in my life,” I told her. “I love you to the ends of the earth, and that will never, ever change.”

She reached for my hips with shaky fingers, still reeling, and pushed me back a few steps so she could hop down from the counter, then she turned us around and guided me back so I was leaning against the counter. She kissed my collarbone and I sighed, catching her chin in my hands before she could start trailing her lips lower.

“You don’t have to do this,” I told her quietly. If she was tired, or if she was sore after her ordeal, I didn’t want her to feel like she owed this to me.

Before I could explain myself, she rolled her eyes and slowly lowered to her knees before me, her hands and mouth trailing maddeningly slow down my chest and abs. Finally on her knees, she nipped playfully at the v of my hips, looking up at me with smoldering brown eyes.

“I want to taste you. It’s been so long,” she said, her breath hot on my skin making me shiver with need and anticipation. “I want to touch you, and I want to feel you in my mouth again.”

My heart was racing as if I’d just outrun a Strigoi, but there was a fire in my blood that could only be caused by Sydney. Her touch, her taste, her words, her eyes on me; they all affected me in a way that was unlike any other. Like I would happily and willingly burn alive to keep experiencing it.

The second her lips touched me, I knew I wasn’t going to last long. Normally, I would be upset with myself for that, but today I thought it was a good thing that Sydney wouldn’t be on her knees for more than a couple minutes.

She kept her eyes on mine as she licked wickedly slowly from the base to the tip, then had to break eye contact as she took me fully into her mouth, lips closed around me to form a torturously incredible suction. My fingers gently twisted into her hair as she moved her mouth over me. I would never pull her hair, never do anything that might hurt her unless she indicated she wanted me to, but I did often grip her hair to guide her movements when she had me in her mouth, not because she wasn’t good or didn’t know what she was doing—she was practically a professional at getting me off after the first time—but because I didn’t always want the same rhythm and she always wanted me to let her know exactly what I wanted. Just like I always wanted her to let me know how best to please her.

Today I wanted slow and steady. If she moved too fast, I knew I was going to lose it in seconds and while I was totally fine with not drawing this one out, I wanted at least a little while to feel her, hot and wet, around me even if it wasn’t the wet heat we both really wanted. The hand that wasn’t holding me steady at the base of my cock was pressed to my abdomen, the heel of her palm applying a gentle pressure right above my cock. When I felt that hand shift to the underside to cup my balls, I cursed in avid delight. She had only done this once before, the very last time we were together before she was taken, and it had surprised me so greatly I’d come in her mouth almost immediately afterward. She was great at getting me off, but sex was still relatively new to her and she was constantly learning new ways to blow my mind. It wasn’t any different this time; being so close to the edge already, when she started massaging me in her hand, her tongue and lips circling over the tip of me, I let my hands fall from her head to grip the counter behind me. It was a clear signal to her that she had seconds to decide whether she wanted to keep her mouth on me or move away before I came—she usually chose to swallow, preferring that to the mess it left behind otherwise, but I always gave her the choice.

My head fell back on a loud, shameless groan and then I was completely out of it, awash in mind-numbing bliss. I had no indication what was going on around me; honestly, Strigoi could have attacked and I wouldn’t know, the Alchemists could have burst into the room and I would have been completely unaware for about thirty seconds.

When it was over and I came to, Sydney was on her feet, her hands on my chest and a soft, shy smile on her face. “That was fast,” she said when I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer. It wasn’t a judgment, just an observation, and I laughed and buried my face in her hair.

“Yeah, I … I needed that,” I murmured, turning my head to kiss her neck. “Thank you.”

Honestly, and I hadn’t realized until that very moment, I had been so obsessed with finding Sydney that I hadn’t even touched myself since she had been gone. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, but I had deprived myself of all pleasure and joy until she was back in my arms. The few moments back with the group in Palm Springs had been the happiest I had been in months, but there had been no real joy even in the comfort of their presence. It had still been all Sydney, and I couldn’t bring myself to feel that I should have done something different.

I drew my head back when she shifted and looked at her. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me, how precious these moments were to me, how I would dedicate my entire life to her safety and happiness. There were no words that properly portrayed all of my feelings, though, so I kissed her gently and nodded to the tub. “Your bath is waiting,” I said.

“I feel like Rose is judging us,” Sydney confided in me as I helped lower her into the tub. “Will you join me?”

“I’ve been waiting my whole life for an invitation like that from you,” I said, grinning when she rolled her eyes and shook her head at me. It was a pretty silly thing to say as I’d only truly known her for a year, but it honestly felt like my life hadn’t truly started, or at least settled, until she had become a major part of it. I cupped her face in my hands once I joined her in the tub, kissing her deeply as she sat facing me. She must have planned all this, known I would join her and we would get distracted in each other, and filled the tub with scalding water because it was still steaming hot. It only made me love her more.

“Rose isn’t judging anything,” I reassured her as she moved closer, her knees on either side of mine. It was a precarious position for two people who weren’t allowing themselves to have unprotected sex, but I understood and appreciated her need to be as close as possible. “If she were judging us, she’d be a lot louder about it, trust me. I told her and Lissa—which means it obviously got back to Dimitri and Christian—that I was in love with you, but I think up until now, she assumed this was all one-sided on my part. She’s surprised that you’re in love with me, too.”

She had thought I was crazy and out of line for coming in here knowing Sydney would be naked, but since Sydney hadn’t screamed or otherwise loudly protested my presence, she must have realized I was wanted here. I could imagine Rose trying to explain away Sydney’s clinginess as a trauma response, or being grateful for the rescue. But this? There was no explaining this away.

“Well, just because Rose didn’t see it, that doesn’t mean I don’t know what a catch you are,” Sydney teased. A year ago, a joke like that would have been like a dagger to the heart. Now, I laughed and pressed my face to her neck, kissing the side of her throat suggestively. She whimpered and pressed herself closer to me, then pulled back quickly and shot me the sternest look she could muster. It was adorable. “Don’t do that.”

“Why not?” I asked innocently.

“You know why,” she said in a hushed whisper, face flushed as she looked over her shoulder at the locked door. “Until I’m able to get back on birth control, your penis is not coming near my vagina without a condom.”

“I know, I know. I’ll behave.” I grinned and pulled her back in. It was so damn cute how embarrassed she could be and yet still use all the scientific terms for everything. I had never heard the word dick or cock out of her mouth and she had said some pretty wild things to me in bed back in Palm Springs. Wild by Sydney’s standards, anyway. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said as she wrapped her arms around me, dripping warm water down my back as she laid her head in the crook of my neck. “Dimitri doesn’t seem surprised.”

“Ah, yeah,” I said, distracted by the way her chest brushed against mine and trying nobly not to react. “Uh, that’s because we talked about it.”

“What?” Sydney pulled back to regard me with wide, shocked eyes, sadly bringing her taut nipples from their contact with my chest. “You talked to Dimitri Belikov of all people about our relationship?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged as if it was no big deal. “Back in Boise when we were waiting for Keith to get off work. He and I went to a diner and had pie and coffee—well, I had soggy pie and shitty coffee while he sat there—and he asked me about you.” I smiled when she just continued to stare at me, running my wet fingers through her damp hair. “He could see that I had feelings for you back when he was working with us in Palm Springs, and he wasn’t particularly surprised that you had admitted to yours.”

“Really?” she asked in a very small voice. I understood she was embarrassed; she never would have figured it out if I hadn’t lost my cool and kissed her after she broke up with Brayden. And several times after that.

“Really.” I leaned forward and kissed her, keeping it chaste so she wouldn’t move to the other side of the tub. “He also noticed that I wasn’t hurt or hung up on Rose anymore, so he was pretty sure I had truly moved on.” I eyed her. “I have. One hundred percent. In case you ever question it.”

She shook her head affectionately and turned around to sit between my legs, leaning her back against my chest. “I could never question it,” she told me. “You’re too open with your feelings.”

“That’s what you get for falling in love with an artist,” I said, picking up the bar of soap and beginning to rub it over her arms for her. “My heart is on my sleeve. Everything I do is yet another expression of my love for you.”

“I actually had a similar thought once,” Sydney said, resting her head on my shoulder. I could see a reminiscent smile in the curve of her lips.

“What?” I murmured in her ear. “Tell me.”

“What are you doing with your hands, Lord Ivashkov?”

“Bathing you,” I said innocently, though in truth I had been spending an unnecessary amount of time on her breasts. “Tell me,” I said again.

“Hmm.” She eyed me suspiciously as I trailed the bar of soap slowly down her stomach. “You remember that one spirit dream? Your favorite one. With the, ah, all the kissing…” She trailed off when my hands traveled even lower. “Adrian, you said you were going to behave.”

“Do you not wash every inch of your body, Sage?” I asked.

“Of course I do,” she said with an indignation that I found incredibly endearing. “It’s different when you do it. It feels sensual, and I don’t believe for a moment that it’s an accident.”

I smiled and kissed the side of her head. I truly hadn’t set out to make this a sexual encounter, but there was an inherent sensuality in bathing your romantic partner, and I was certainly enjoying her reactions. I decided not to respond to her allegations of my misconduct but quietly resumed my task of running the soap over every inch of her skin.

“Tell me about the dream,” I said quietly.

“Well …” she said and I smiled when she lifted her leg out of the water so I could wash it. “We were kissing, and I was talking about letting you take off my dress and you got all philosophical about not taking my virginity in a dream, if that’s even possible, and then you said it was fine because sometimes it’s worth lingering on the journey before arriving at the destination. And I thought to myself, Well, Sydney, that’s what you get for making out with an artist: metaphors.”

Her embarrassed giggles prompted a chuckle from me. I knew her actions and words in that dream had caused her a lot of internal debate, but I had cherished every moment of it. “Hey,” I said. “I still stand by that metaphor. It’s a good one. I also demand some credit. Do you have any idea how much restraint it took for me not to rip that sexy dress off your body when you were practically begging me to?”

We had debated this topic just the other night in a different dream, but I would never tire of it. For the rest of our lives I was sure she would hold tight to the claim that she hadn’t been ready to have sex with me before Jill woke her up, and I would hold the certainty that she had.

“I was not begging,” Sydney protested. “I simply pointed out that what I was wearing was not your decision to make and that if I chose for the dress to come off, then it could. If you took that to mean that I wanted you to undress me, then …”

I kissed her neck and she trailed off with a gasp. “Then what?” I teased, and kissed her again and again, swirling my tongue over her freshly bathed collarbone.

“Then, ah, then you were … absolutely … totally … right.” She allowed her head to fall to the side, giving me better access to her neck. “I was desperate for you. But I was not going to have sex with you.”

I smirked against her neck, taking note of the way her entire body squirmed. “Are you desperate now?”

“A little,” she admitted.

“Do you want me to …?” I trailed off, letting my hands high on her inner thighs ask the question for me.

She hesitated and I knew the answer before she said it. “I think I’m too tired,” she said, disappointment creeping into her tone as she slowly shook her head. “My stamina isn’t what it was before.”

“Not yet, but it will be,” I reassured her. “It’s fine. I really was just trying to bathe you.” She shot a skeptical look over her shoulder and I smiled. “Well, at the start. I admit I may have gotten a bit sidetracked, but the intention was innocent. Now, lean forward. I need to get your back.”

She did as I asked and I ran the soap, and my hands, over her back. Though we both knew nothing sexual was going to come of this, I didn’t rush the process and allowed my fingers to linger over the knots of her spine as I bathed and rinsed her. The sight of her so malnourished made me livid, but her presence here with me paired with the knowledge that I was going to see to it that she gained back all the weight they had stripped from her soothed me. She was watching me over her shoulder, and I realized that I had been staring too long. I leaned forward and kissed her. It was an awkward angle, but we made do.

“You are so beautiful,” I told her. It was true. Even malnourished as she was, I knew that as long as I lived, I would never find anyone more attractive than her. I loved her with everything in me. Even back when I had been convinced of my love for Rose, I had still allowed myself to notice the allure of other women, had still entertained not entirely innocent thoughts about other people even if I hadn’t acted on them. Never with Sydney, though. I couldn’t even think of anyone else like that, and I didn’t want to.

I didn’t voice any of this, but Sydney seemed to guess at least some of my thoughts. I watched the uncertainty fade from her expression as love won out. The vulnerability remained, but that was to be expected given our position; vulnerability wasn’t always a bad thing.

“My turn,” she said, smiling as she took the bar of soap from me. “I can’t believe we’ve never done this before.” She started trailing the soap, and her fingers, along my chest. I tried not to let my breath quicken. Behave, I reminded myself. “Shared a bath, I mean. Teasing and flirting and joking around and bathing each other.”

“We never had time,” I said, catching her face in my hands and bringing my lips to hers in an attempt to distract her from the regret I saw welling in her. “It wasn’t our fault. We did the best we could with what little free time we had away from your sister.”

“It just feels like an important thing in a relationship,” Sydney told me. “I love you, and I love our relationship, but don’t you ever wish we had been able to do all the things that normal people get to in their new, fun, exciting adult relationships?”

The honest answer was an emphatic yes. I had always wished for that. But there was no way to go back and change the hand we had been dealt early on. We had played that round and it had been hard fought, but we’d gotten through. Now we had to play our next hand.

“When we get to Court, we’ll do it all,” I told her. “Everything.”

“What’s everything?” Sydney asked, cocking her head to the side, still gently running her hands, and the soap, all over me.

“Anything you want.” I stared at her, suddenly needing to convey the depth of my feelings for her as she smiled softly at me. “I mean it, Sage. Anything you want from me, it’s yours. You want my heart? You’ve already got it. You want my life? I’m dedicating it to you. You want my body? I decided long ago that no one else will ever know me like this.”

“Adrian,” she said softly, unshed tears glistening in her eyes as she leaned forward, washing momentarily forgotten, and kissed me. She accidentally brushed against my erection and pulled away, lifting an eyebrow at me. “Behaving?”

Unashamed, I shrugged. “It’s a natural part of life; I can’t control it, especially when there’s a beautiful, wet, naked woman running her hands all over me, driving me mad.”

She flushed a pretty pink and ducked her head, looking at me through her lashes. “Do you want me to?”

I didn’t even consider it for a moment. She’d just said she was too tired for me to finger her; I was not about to have her give me a handjob in the bathtub. Smirking, I shook my head. “I’m fine; just ignore it.”

“A little difficult to ignore, Adrian,” Sydney pointed out, making me laugh.

“Well, try anyway. It’ll go away eventually,” I promised her, and I was right. It did eventually go away, but not for several minutes after she deemed my back thoroughly washed. Then, and only then, when I was no longer hard for her, did she resume her position of sitting between my legs, her back to my chest.    

“How are we going to make it out of this?” Sydney whispered into the skin of my biceps after a few minutes of comfortable silence. I had honestly thought for a moment that she was falling asleep in my arms. “We keep talking about going to Court, but there really isn’t much Lissa can do. She’s right; I’m not Moroi, I’m not a dhampir. I’m just a human. I’m not even a human feeder! Just because you love me, that doesn’t give her any leave to flex her royal power. I’m not one of her subjects she can protect just by saying I can’t be touched.”

As much as I hated to admit it, she was right, and Lissa had been right to be concerned in the dream a few hours ago. I wondered if we could use Sydney’s magic in our favor. Not use it to attack the Alchemists, but to make a connection between human magic and Moroi magic to establish even the faintest claim Lissa could make to protect her. Almost immediately, I dismissed the idea. Not only would Sydney be uncomfortable having to display her magic so publicly, but it would give rise to a whole new dispute and likely cause problems for not only Sydney’s coven, but all witches.

“What if you were?” I muttered. I’d had a crazy thought in the back of my mind ever since that talk with Eddie in the car the other day.

“A feeder?” Sydney stiffened and craned her neck to look around at me, disgust and disbelief evident on her face. “Not funny, Adrian.”

“No, not a feeder. Of course not a feeder,” I soothed her, stroking her neck where a Strigoi had once tried, and failed, to drain her. Where I would feed from her if she ever decided she wanted that, which she most likely wouldn’t. But if. “I would never want to mar your perfect skin.”

She rolled her eyes at me, but she was smiling again when she relaxed back into me and settled her head on my shoulder. The water was milky white and covered with a thin layer of bubbles from the jasmine scented bubbles she had added to the bath before I joined her, but I could just make out our hands, fingers intertwined, on her thigh. The sight, and the conversation, made me almost giddy.

“But what if you were her subject?” I continued. “We’re in Vegas, Sydney. If you were my wife by the time we got back to Court, Lissa would have to protect you.”

Sydney jerked and moved to turn and face me. Water sloshed over the edge of the tub, soaking the white bathmat as she knelt between my knees. She looked dumbfounded.

“Wife?” she repeated. “You think that we should get married?”

“Humans get married all the time so they can’t be deported.” It was almost like a business transaction to them, as far as I could tell. There were definitely marriages in the Moroi world that were more like business transactions than loving unions, but they were usually based on money and procreation rather than citizenship and amnesty; my parents were a great example. “It would definitely be more convenient for Lissa.”

Initially, anyway. She would technically have a right to protect Sydney if we were married, which would obviously make it easier for her to stand up to the Alchemists. It would probably complicate things in the long run for a member of the queen’s inner circle to be married to a human. People would be scandalized. A lot of people. Probably the majority. It would kick off a huge conversation about human-Moroi relations.

It wasn’t actually illegal for a Moroi to be with a human; the Keepers did it all the time. It was just looked down on by most. Humans were a food source to us. They were less than us. Less attractive, less intelligent, less worthy. At least, that was what most Moroi thought. Most Moroi hadn’t spent a lot of quality time around humans, though. They certainly didn’t know anything about Sydney. She was the smartest person I had ever met, she was damn sexy, she was witty, and funny, and selfless, and brave, and she was the most important thing in the world to me. And I was lucky enough to have her naked in a bathtub with me.

For some reason, she looked deflated at my words. I frowned, wondering was what going on in that big brain of hers. I could practically hear the wheels turning.

“Yeah, it would be convenient for her,” she said slowly.

I waited for her to go on, maybe with a rebuttal, or more questions, or a flat-out refusal. When she didn’t say anything else, but continued to look a little sad, I felt myself dare to hope.

“It doesn’t have to be about that,” I said, my heart racing. “I’m in love with you, and I will be for the rest of my life. If you’ll have me, our marriage will be the most important, most meaningful, greatest thing I will ever do in my life, Sydney. I would hope it would be the same for you, but if you decide it isn’t what you want once this all blows over and we’re completely safe, I wouldn’t hold you to it. It doesn’t have to be a convenience, but it could be if you wanted.”

For the longest few seconds of my life, Sydney continued to just stare at me. Then, she shook her head. “I’m not going to marry you for the sake of convenience.”

Of course she won’t marry you. She loves you, but not enough to forsake centuries of teachings.

For the love of god, did the ghost in my head have terrible timing. It was getting harder and harder not to answer my aunt aloud, but the last thing Sydney needed was one more thing to worry about right now, even though her words were like a blade in my chest.

“That’s fine. No pressure. We’ll find another way,” I said. As I stared at the sopping puddle that had once been a white bath mat, I felt the familiar darkness creeping into my mind. I needed a walk to clear my head. I needed a drink, and a cigarette.

And why shouldn’t you? You deserve it after all you’ve accomplished already.

Go away. Leave me alone, I thought bitterly.

“Adrian, look at me,” Sydney said softly, using her hands to guide my gaze to hers when I didn’t comply quickly enough. “I won’t marry you for convenience, or for a safety net or any other perfectly logical reason.”

Every word was another twist of the blade in my heart, but I did my best to keep my despair internalized. “I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to be married to me, either.”

“Will you let me finish?” Sydney said sternly, and stared expectantly at me until I inclined my head and waved my hand, inviting her to continue speaking even though the last thing I wanted was to listen to her list the reasons she refused to marry me.

“I won’t marry you for any of those logical reasons,” she repeated. “I’ll marry you because I love you, and because I can’t bear to be parted from you again. And even though everything is so messed up right now I know that as long as you and I stick together we can figure a way out. We are the perfect team, and I wouldn’t choose any other partner, no matter the mission.”

I stared at her, dumbfounded, half convinced I was imaging this turn in the conversation. She smiled and drew my lips to hers.

“So yeah,” she mumbled against my mouth, “let’s get married.”

Chapter Text

A look of determination crossed Adrian’s features. In a great show of bravery, he lunged for the picnic basket and actually managed to scoop the dragon up in it. He slammed down the lid, and the mewling faded but didn’t stop.
“Wow,” I said. “Manly and brave.”
- Sydney Sage
The Indigo Spell, 278

When we exited the bathroom together, Sydney back in those awful khaki scrubs, Rose was nowhere to be found. It was just Dimitri sitting at the small table near the window reading his book. He looked up when we entered the room, but gave no indication that he had heard anything, which meant that he had heard quite a lot. Even if dhampirs didn’t have better hearing than the average human, neither one of us had been anywhere near silent after so long apart and bathroom acoustics carried. Judging by the fact that Sydney was having trouble looking in Dimitri’s direction, I assumed she knew just as well as I did. I genuinely believed that Dimitri was relatively unbothered by whatever he had heard; he had been a promised guardian before he was tasked with tracking down Rose and Lissa and I was sure he had stood guard at the door and pretended not to listen to his Lord Zeklos getting lucky many times. Pointing that out probably wouldn’t make it any less awkward for Sydney, though.

“Rose went to buy some things,” he said before either of us could ask. “Clothes for Sydney, and food.” He didn’t specify, but I knew the food was also mostly for Sydney. The rest of us would be fine with going hungry for one day, but she looked very much like she would keel over if she didn’t get some nourishment immediately.

“That was generous of her,” Sydney said awkwardly, obviously still trying to brush off her discomfort at having our intimate moment overheard.

“Not too generous,” I said, noticing my wallet lying open next to the television. I strode over and picked it up to find several hundred dollars missing. Turning, I quirked an eyebrow at Dimitri. “She helped herself to my money.”

“Yours or your father’s?” Dimitri asked mildly. He had a point, so I just sighed and tossed the wallet back down.

“It was still thoughtful regardless,” Sydney said. She looked down at the scrubs she was wearing with a small frown, and I was worried she was thinking back to the horrors she had been forced to endure. When she looked up at me, it was with an expression of concern. “But Rose and I don’t exactly have the same fashion sense.”

“I don’t think Rose will be stopping in at The Business Casual Depot, no.” I bit back a smirk; it was such a Sydney thing to worry about. “But we’re not rebuilding a wardrobe here, just trying to get rid of these.” I crossed back over to her and tugged gently at the bottom hem of her top, then pretended to consider. “Although, I wouldn’t object to her putting you in some Rose Hathaway-level revealing clothes. Skinny jeans and a crop top? Maybe some spaghetti straps? Yes, please.”

“Shut up, Adrian.” Sydney rolled her eyes at me, but she smiled and didn’t pull away when I used her top to pull her closer, even with Dimitri sitting five feet away and watching us with a small smile on his face.

“Hey, maybe she can find something like that dress you wore to that Alchemist thing with Boring Jansen,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “The one you showed me in that dream.”

She flushed and shoved lightly at my chest; I didn’t go anywhere. “Stop it,” she said half-heartedly.

Maybe I could find something like that dress when we got to Court. I took note of the fact that she didn’t really look all that scandalized and wondered if maybe she would find something like that dress when we got to Court. God knew I wanted to unwrap her in that dress like she’d wanted me to all those months ago.

“She should be back soon,” Dimitri said, a likely purposeful intervention. Just because he was cool to pretend he hadn’t heard us bringing each other to release a while ago didn’t mean he wanted to actually watch us get lost in each other right in front of him. I was sure he heard all kinds of awkward conversation between Lissa and Christian, but he could at least give them some semblance of privacy at Court. Here, the furthest he could get from us was about five more feet away.

“I hope she doesn’t run into any Alchemists,” Sydney said, sitting on the edge of our bed. “They have business in Vegas pretty often.”

“She knows how to avoid being detected,” Dimitri told her confidently. He had been her mentor when they had first gotten together, so he had been the one to teach her to avoid detection. If a man that massive could manage, I felt confident someone as small as Rose could go unseen as well.

I joined Sydney on the bed but sat back against the headboard and pulled her to lean against me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders just as there was a clamor at the door, the sound of bags hindering someone’s movement and slamming against the wall outside.

Dimitri was up and at the door in a second, opening it and taking most of the bags from Rose as he ushered her inside.

“What the hell is in this thing?” Rose spat at me, hefting an over-stuffed duffel bag onto the foot of the bed Sydney and I were sitting on.

“As best I could tell, practically an entire magical storeroom,” I said dryly. Sydney perked up next to me and scooted over to inspect. Rose still stood there glaring at me. “I didn’t ask you to get it; I don’t know why you’re mad at me.”

“When we left Palm Springs you said it was important and that Sydney needed it. It weighs a hundred pounds and I had to carry it all the way from the car because you didn’t bring it up in the first place!” Rose snapped.

“I didn’t even know you were leaving the room,” I said calmly. “But thank you for bringing the bag up. It was very thoughtful of you.”

“Whatever.” Rose rolled her eyes, but her expression softened when she saw how happily Sydney was rooting through the bag. Then, she frowned when she saw the odd ingredients and books she was pulling out. “Did you say magical storeroom?”

“Yes, he did,” Sydney said without looking up. Then, almost to herself, “Ms. Terwilliger really thought of everything.”

Rose stared at her, then looked at me. “You called on a coven of witches to look for her,” she recalled, clearly wondering, for perhaps the first time, why a coven of witches would be interested in finding Sydney. “Oh my god. They’re not your witches, they’re hers! Sydney, are you a witch?”

I was surprised at the ease with which Sydney answered, looking up and meeting Rose’s gaze calmly. “Yes.”

“That’s so cool,” Rose said, glancing over at Dimitri, who was studying Sydney with interest. “Your grandma talked about witches when I was in Baia.” She looked back at Sydney, grinning. “Do you dance naked under the light of the full moon with your coven sisters?”

Sydney glared at me when I laughed. I had asked a similar question once. “There’s no nudity involved,” she said tersely. “But I do have a coven name.”

“Yeah, and good luck getting it out of her,” I cut in. “She still won’t tell me.”

“Oh, this makes so much more sense now,” Rose said, looking between the two of us as Sydney continued to pull bundles of herbs and amulets out of the bag. “I was a little surprised when Adrian said he was in love with you. He’s always been out there, but you’re human.” Sydney paused and looked up at Rose. “I mean, no offense.” Rose waved her hand as if to brush away any possible offense Sydney could be feeling. “But it totally fits for him to be in love with a human witch. I bet he gets a real kick out of your magic, given all the crazy shit he can do with his.”

Sydney looked at me. I shrugged. “I do find it really interesting.” But that wasn’t why I loved her. I didn’t need to go into all the details, though; she already knew. “Which reminds me.” I reached into my pocket—miraculously after everything, I hadn’t lost anything—and pulled out Hopper. Her eyes grew wide and wet as she took him from me.

“Oh yeah. The rock,” Rose said flatly.

“What rock?” Dimitri asked. Apparently, he hadn’t noticed me staring at Hopper the way that Rose had.

“I don’t know; it’s their pet rock or something.” Rose shrugged. Dimitri looked very confused. I couldn’t blame him; it would be strange, to say the least, if Sydney and I were so emotionally attached to a shared pet rock.

“He’s not a rock,” I started. “But he is our love child.”

“Your love child? Adrian, it’s a damn rock.” Rose rolled her eyes. “Oh, wait, you said the other day that it’s a dragon.”

“Adrian likes to call him a dragon, but hes not. He’s a callistana,” Sydney said quietly, looking up at me. I could see indecision warring in her as she considered whether she should wake him so we could nurse him back to health—even I could sense his weakness and I wasn’t as connected to him as Sydney was—or wait until we were alone. Resolve came over her. “The cat’s already out of the bag,” she told me, and then she quietly spoke the words to wake him.

Hopper cried out, not the loud ear-splitting siren that was a warning of danger, but soft pitiful mewls as Sydney cradled him to her chest and wept quietly over him. The sound of his cries and the look on her face caused my heart to ache. He had been frozen, nothing more than a statue, for nearly four months. He had always been small, fitting easily in our hands, but now he was sickly thin and weak just like Sydney.

“You’re so thin. I’m so sorry.” She looked up at me through her tears. “We need to feed him.”

Understanding her need to nurse him back to health, I nodded and turned to the bags Dimitri had taken from Rose. “You brought food?” I asked. Rose stopped gawking at Hopper long enough to direct me to a large black plastic bag that was full of take-out boxes. I opened the first one. It was a turkey sandwich with some chips; something light that wouldn’t upset Sydney’s stomach.

“Incredible,” Dimitri breathed, leaning forward to look at Hopper from a still respectable distance as I knelt on the bed next to Sydney and began shredding little pieces of sandwich for him. “I grew up on tales of magic and witches, but I never imagined this.”

Sydney was in no shape to respond, but I looked up briefly from my task of feeding our weak little love demon to nod. “Now you see why I find it all so interesting.”

“Of course, but I didn’t doubt your interest in it before,” Dimitri said. “Marvelous.”

Sydney and I took turns holding out little bites of bread and turkey, which Hopper accepted weakly. “Sorry it’s not pie, buddy,” I said softly. “But this will have to do for now.”

“Any suspicious activity?” Dimitri asked as he and Rose moved away to give us some space.

Rose dug around in the bag of food for a second before handing him a takeout container and sitting herself on the edge of their bed with her own container. She shook her head as she popped a chip in her mouth. “Plenty creeps in business-wear but no Alchemists. Trust me, I can spot one of them a mile away by now.”

“If they’re here looking for us, they’re probably staking out The Witching Hour,” Dimitri told her. “Hopefully they stay on that end of the strip.”

“I can’t believe how much time we missed out on with him,” Sydney lamented quietly, drawing my attention back to her and Hopper. “We’ve only got a year and a day with him, and we just lost almost four months. That only leaves us with about six more months with him. Half of his little life gone, and he was frozen for most of it.”

“I know,” I said. It was very sad to think about. “It’s not your fault, Sage.”

“I should have unfrozen him when I gave him to Eddie.” She gave him another bite of sandwich.

“Oh, that would have made it even easier to convince him to leave you,” I said sarcastically. “Not to mention how great it would have been getting to explain my pet dragon every day.” I frowned as I realized that I hadn’t seen her eat a single bite. “Hey, you’re supposed to be eating that too.”

“He’s so skinny, Adrian,” she said, voice impossibly sad. “He’s starving.”

“So are you. Eat.” Sternly, I picked up the sandwich and held it to her lips until she batted my hand away.

“I can feed myself,” she protested when I lifted the sandwich back to her mouth.

“I have yet to see any evidence of that. Eat. Please.” Her eyes stayed locked on mine as she opened her mouth and leaned forward to take a tiny bite and I didn’t think it was only annoyance that kept our gazes locked. If we were alone, I likely would have forgotten the sandwich altogether to explore the other, better, things she could accomplish with her mouth, but I didn’t need to look over to remember that Rose and Dimitri were only feet away.

She ate half of her sandwich and a few chips before she insisted that she couldn’t eat another bite. Given how thin she was, I was inclined to believe her; her body wasn’t used to a full meal, even one as small and pitiful as a turkey sandwich.

“Do you think there’s a Pies and Stuff in Pennsylvania?” I asked as I finally sat back next to her to eat my own sandwich.

Hopper was curled up on her shoulder, his head resting in the crook of her neck, his tail brushing my arm as Sydney leaned against me, feeding him small bits of the crust I had ripped off my sandwich for him. She cast her gaze at me with a fond smile and shook her head. “I don’t think it’s a chain.”

“Maybe they’ll ship to us,” I said.

“I’m sure there’s pie in Pennsylvania,” Sydney said. “There’s probably plenty at Court, even.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same,” I insisted, reaching over to run my fingers over Hopper’s bony spine. “Our little guy deserves the best of the best.”

I was surprised when the dragon in question scurried from Sydney’s shoulder to rub affectionately against the crook of my neck. Sure, I was his dad if we were sticking with the parent-child analogy, but he had always clearly favored Sydney. I could never hold that against him. She was my favorite person, too.

Sydney smiled at us and slowly got up from the bed. “Rose, Dimitri said you were getting me some clothes?”

“Oh, yeah!” Rose jumped up from the other bed and grabbed a small white bag. “Sorry, there wasn’t very much to choose from.”

“It’s okay.” Sydney shrugged and picked at the rough material of her scrubs. If she hadn’t been worried about what Rose would come back with just moments before Rose walked back into the room, I would have believed it didn’t matter to her what was in the bag. “Anything is better than this.”

It wasn’t easy for me to let her leave the room without me, but I didn’t follow her. She was only going to change her clothes, and though I didn’t think Sydney would mind me trailing after her I had other things to see to myself.

When the bathroom door closed behind Sydney, Hopper didn’t move from my shoulder, but he did swivel to stare at the spot where Sydney had disappeared from view. I stroked him soothingly as he gave a soft, plaintive wail. I hoped that the calmer I stayed, the calmer he would be.

“We’re running low on cash.” I had taken thousands from my father’s safe when I’d left Court a week ago, but we had used most of it on gas money, food, this hotel room, and planning. A few thousand dollars didn’t go far when it was all you had to mount a rescue mission.

“There’s a few hundred left,” Rose said with a little shrug and a nod towards my wallet as she flopped back down onto the mattress next to Dimitri. “If they get us out of here tonight, we’re golden.”

“Yeah.” We would be fine on a few hundred dollars if not for the fact that I now had to foot the bill for a wedding. Granted, a Vegas wedding was a lot cheaper than a planned wedding after a proper engagement would be, but I imagined it would still be several thousand dollars, and there was a good chance I might need to bribe some people to expedite the process. We had to get a dress for Sydney and a tux for myself, not to mention the cost of the wedding itself. If it came down to it, I could probably forego any bribes by using compulsion instead. Honestly, the bigger challenge would probably be getting Rose and Dimitri on board. “I need to hit the poker tables.”

“What?” Rose made a face at me, one I was familiar with, the one that said I was being stupid for no reason.

“Adrian,” Dimitri said, frowning at me from beside her. “We need to stay inside, keep a low profile. You know that.”

“I agree that’s the safer way,” I began, already standing and looking for my shoes. “But Sydney and I need to get married before we leave, and we can’t do that on …” I paused next to the tv, flipped open my wallet and counted, “five hundred and thirty-seven dollars.”

There was dead silence around me as I slipped my wallet into my back pocket. I looked up to see both Rose and Dimitri staring at me in bemusement.

“Married?” Dimitri repeated. He paused for a moment before he continued on, frowning at me. “Adrian, I do not know if you have thought this through.”

“I have,” I said. We were on borrowed time, and I really didn’t have a moment to waste sitting here arguing with them when, really, it was already decided. “Look, this isn’t up for debate. I appreciate everything you guys have done for us, and I know you’re still just trying to help, but Sydney and I know what we’re doing.”

Rose stood up again slowly, and moved closer to me, lowering her voice so that Sydney couldn’t hear us from the bathroom. “You do realize people aren’t going to like this, right?”

I nodded, and then shrugged. “I don’t care. All I care about is her.” Rose looked back at Dimitri, who was studying me. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that they were both trying to discern whether they should, or even could, talk me out of this. I sighed.  “This is happening. And I’m going to win some money and set things in motion. I’m perfectly happy to go alone, but I’m assuming one of you will want to come with me.”

The bathroom door opened when I had one shoe on and laced up and the other half-tied, and Sydney stepped out in a pair of black shorts and a turquoise t-shirt. It wasn’t the moderately revealing style Rose typically opted for in a relaxed setting, but it also wasn’t the business casual Sydney preferred. Either way, it was a definite improvement over the rough, baggy khaki scrubs she’d been in for months.

“Gift shop chic,” I commented, smiling up at her. “Sexy.”

She slanted her narrowed eyes at me, trying to look disapproving even though I could see the hint of a smile playing at her lips as she walked over to me. “Where are you going?”

Hopper scrambled from my shoulder to hers when I stood to slide my arm around her waist and pulled her close. “You know me. Can’t resist a good poker table.”

I didn’t need to explain myself; though we hadn’t discussed the logistics of paying for our wedding, I suspected she had been thinking about how to get the money for it as much as I had. With a thoughtful frown, she nodded. “It’s early. Do you think you can get enough?”

She had a good point. It was only eleven o’clock in the morning, which meant it would be hot out, which wasn’t great for me, but it also meant that there wouldn’t be as many people at the tables as there would be later in the evening, and there wouldn’t be as much money to win. Once, on a very good night for me, I had walked away with well over a hundred thousand dollars, and I easily could have won even more if I hadn’t decided to hit up a party some girl had invited me to. I wouldn’t be winning that much here today, but I would be leaving with a far superior girl.

“I’ll get enough,” I told her, and kissed her quickly. “I’ll be back later. You should get some rest.” It had only been a couple of hours since we’d gotten up, but already she looked worn out, and there was no telling what was going to happen once we were all out in the open. Behind me, I could hear Rose and Dimitri talking quietly about who would stick with who, but I ignored them and pulled Sydney into a longer, deeper kiss.

It felt wrong to leave her now, after all the struggle we had gone through to be reunited, but I had to remind myself that it was only for a few hours, and it was totally necessary. I could tell by the almost forlorn way that she looked at me when I pulled away that she didn’t like the idea of us splitting up any more than I did, but her coming with me was completely out of the question.  Even if she didn’t need to rest up, the Alchemists were less likely to grab me if they spotted me without her but would definitely leap on us the second they spotted her. Sure, I had played a big role in the destruction of their facility, and I was sure they wanted revenge, but their main goal was obviously to get Sydney back and the easiest way for them to get to her was if I led them to her.

When we pulled apart, Sydney opened her mouth to speak, but stopped herself with a small sigh. “Just watch your back,” she said after a moment.

“I will,” I promised. “And so will my trusty companion.”

Dimitri was standing near the door now. Apparently, he had won the opportunity to leave the room to protect me. I figured he was as glad for a chance to get out of the small, overpopulated hotel room as he was relieved that it wouldn’t be Rose out in the open this time. If there was one thing I knew about Dimitri Belikov, it was that he would always make the choice to put himself in danger over anyone else, and he would especially prefer to keep Rose safe if there was a way to make it happen that wouldn’t piss her off. Though he trusted her abilities—again, he was the one who had taught her most of what she knew—he was still in love with her and would never want her to be in danger. I felt the same way about Sydney. Hell, I had once put myself bodily between her and two hungry Strigoi before I even realized I had feelings for her. Now that I loved her, now that she was everything to me, I would put myself between her and the entire Alchemist organization without question.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Rose said, looking mostly at me. Which, okay. That was fair. She followed me to the door, pulling Dimitri back by the collar and kissing him roughly before turning and walking over to Sydney.

“Don’t worry,” I said with a jovial wink as I slipped out into the hall after Dimitri. “I’ll bring your hunky Russian boyfriend back in a few hours.”

“Hunky?” Dimitri deadpanned as we waited for the elevator at the end of the hall.

I shrugged and sent him a quick wink. It was easier to be around him and Rose, I realized, when I wasn’t heartsick and pining for my partner. “That does seem to be the general consensus.”

Dimitri shook his head as we stepped onto the elevator.

“I almost forgot what you were like when not obsessively plotting an impossible rescue mission,” he murmured.

“Technically, we’re still in the midst of it,” I pointed out.

He said nothing, but side-eyed me for a second. Then, before the doors slid open, he said in a soft, serious voice, “I am very happy for you, Adrian. You seem to be good for each other, and I hope for your sake and hers that this … the marriage, I mean … brings you both all the happiness and peace you deserve.”

“Thank you. If we can pull this off,” I said, stepping out into the lobby with him, “it will.”

Chapter Text

I’d let myself get sloppy, disheartened by my earlier failure and real-life distractions. I wouldn’t make that mistake again, though. I needed to keep myself sober and full of spirit, so that I could regularly check throughout the day. It didn’t matter how many times I’d failed. One day, one time, I’d catch her.
- Adrian Ivashkov
Silver Shadows, 157

I felt a little uneasy leaving the girls alone. It wasn’t that I doubted either of their abilities to keep themselves, and each other, safe, but it seemed it was only natural that I would have misgivings about us all splitting up less than twenty-four hours after breaking Sydney out of re-education. Sure, it was all my idea, and I hadn’t exactly given Rose and Dimitri the opportunity to argue, but that didn’t mean I liked it.

I also wasn’t too pleased with leaving Rose alone with Sydney. She fought like a beast, and would unquestioningly lay down her life to protect Sydney, but she was also pushy—just like me—and had a lot of curiosity about my relationship with Sydney. She hadn’t really had a chance to grill me, but I had a feeling Sydney was about to be interrogated. I couldn’t afford to be bogged down with those nagging, worrisome thoughts, so I had to keep in mind that Sydney was the strongest person I knew. If she could handle me, she could handle anything. Even Rose Hathaway.

I also just genuinely hated the idea of not being right next to her if she needed me. But Sydney could take care of herself, and so could Rose. They had held their own against Strigoi in Russia back before Sydney had realized her power and before Rose was even a full-fledged guardian. They would be just fine here in Vegas against at best an empty hotel room and at worst a handful of Alchemists.

Once I managed to talk myself out of my anxiety I got to work. My concern that the casinos would be less busy, and therefore less productive at this time of day proved to be valid. In the late afternoon and into the early hours of the morning there would be people everywhere, throngs of them so thick that it could at times be difficult to walk. It was still Vegas in the late morning—there were still people around, mostly older people playing slot machines—but the crowds weren’t overwhelming and suffocating. If I played it smart and chose the right game, the right table, I could still easily walk away with the money we needed in the few hours I had, but there wouldn’t be much, if any, left over after. We would have to rely heavily on the kindness and generosity of our friends, mostly Lissa, for quite some time. I didn’t have a problem with that, as it was generally just part of the culture I’d grown up in, but I worried Sydney would be uncomfortable taking what she saw as handouts.

Dimitri hung back, taking up a spot near a relatively unoccupied row of slot machines where he could keep an eye on not only me, but the entire casino as I approached a table occupied by a number of businessmen in their early-to-mid-thirties. The quickest glance at their auras told me that they were all already well on their way to getting drunk, which would only make them easier to beat. The buy-in was five hundred dollars, which I could just barely afford, but I sat down and tossed my chips on the table like it was nothing to me and shot them my most self-assured grin. I fit in pretty decently with them in the crisp white button-down and black slacks I had worn to break into the re-education center. I’d been lucky enough that, other than a slight hint of smoke that their drunk human senses likely wouldn’t pick up on very easily, my clothes hadn’t really suffered other than the jacket that had a sizeable hole burned into the left arm. I’d left that behind in the room with the girls.

Poker wasn’t always the chattiest game, so I didn’t have to worry about holding a conversation with these strange men. Normally, it would have been easy for me to talk to anyone, but I was so hyper-focused on my goal and the knowledge that I had a very limited timeframe in order to do what needed to be done that I was pretty sure I would have struggled for the first time in my life if I had to make small talk.

A cocktail waitress came by after a couple hands when I had already more than doubled my starting money. She took orders of whiskeys and bourbons from the men surrounding me first. The thing about places like this was that many of the servers were in the know and some of them were even human bloodwhores who let Moroi guests feed on them and sometimes even slept with them. It was taboo pretty much everywhere else in the world, but what happens in Vegas … Well, that saying existed in the Moroi world, too. When she turned to me with a wicked smile and cocked her head invitingly to expose the long line of her bruised throat, I knew she was one of the servers in the know.

“And for you, sir?” she said in a low, sultry tone.

“Vodka soda, please,” I said with an easy smile that did not expose my fangs. I didn’t plan to drink any of it as one drink had a tendency to turn into several drinks when I was ordering, but it would have been more suspicious if I didn’t order anything.

She looked vaguely confused—she had probably expected me to order a bloody mary, which I had almost done, but the bloody marys they served Moroi here were just vodka mixed with human blood. I had never partaken in the bloodwhoring here, or anywhere else for that matter, but I had indulged in my fair share of bloody marys when gambling. I could certainly use the blood, but the vodka was obviously a problem, and it wasn’t like I could order a bloody mary, hold the mary. So, untouched vodka soda it would have to be.

I threw my hand as she sauntered off to fill our orders; I had money to win, but I had to throw a hand here and there to keep suspicions from rising. I could just see Dimitri’s steady aura of orange and green from the corner of my eye, but my focus was mostly on my opponents’ auras, watching for fluctuations that signaled excitement (a good hand) or anxiety (a sign of a bluff). After a couple hours and the addition of a few new, richer opponents I was up nearly seven thousand dollars and contemplating moving on to a higher stakes table when I noticed a few things at once.

Dimitri’s aura turned darker, flashing more towards red in the same instant that I noticed a sudden abundance of yellow around the room, the color that was most common in scholarly, spiritual types. Thinking people. Alchemists.

I didn’t look around the room, reluctant to give away that I had noticed something had gone wrong, but I knew we were surrounded. I felt a cold spike of anxiety jolt through me, thinking of Sydney in the hotel room. But she was with Rose, and there were any number of hotels in the vicinity that we could have picked; the only reason the Alchemists had found Dimitri and me was because we were out in the open. It would have been better, of course, if they hadn’t found us at all, but better they found us than the girls. Sydney was their real target; I was just a bonus. They wouldn’t make a move as long as they thought I might lead them to her.

Drawing on twenty-two years of being a pretentious rich kid, I did my best to play aloof, leaning back in my chair like I was settling in for a long stint at the table even though I was definitely going to have to cut loose soon. Ideally, I would have liked to walk away with a much larger sum of money, but I’d always known getting over ten grand was a longshot when I only had a few hours to work. Seven grand really wasn’t so bad in just over two hours; it would have to be enough to get us hitched.

I played two more hands, managing to bump my winnings up to just shy of eight thousand, before I made a show of cashing out. The five other gamblers at the table didn’t look particularly put out that I was leaving considering I had been bleeding them dry. Dimitri met me by the door.

“Think they found the girls?” I mumbled under my breath as we slipped out into the midday heat.

Dimitri didn’t answer right away. His gaze was darting this way and that; I didn’t need to scan auras to know that the couple standing by the pillar several yards away were both Alchemists, or that they were tailing us in pairs or groups of three.

“They wouldn’t be following us if they had them,” Dimitri said.

He was right, and that was exactly why we couldn’t go back to the hotel. Still, Dimitri led me in the direction of our hotel, and then past it. Even though they obviously knew that we had spotted them, we didn’t run, and the Alchemists tailing us didn’t try to grab us. It was almost as if they thought we were actually going to lead them right to Sydney.

“I know someone who works here,” Dimitri said so quietly even I almost couldn’t hear him as we turned toward a glitzy hotel. “She will let us make a call.”

It was definitely smarter to call the girls and let them know we had been found and have them meet us somewhere else after we had gotten away rather than try to shake the Alchemists and go right back to our room. Dimitri’s hand had just touched the door handle when a loud boom sounded from the direction of our actual hotel. My heart sank, but Dimitri only pushed the door open and guided me inside. Once the door closed behind us, he shoved me in the direction of another door that led back out to a small courtyard in the back of the building, and we took off sprinting before the Alchemists could follow us inside.

“That was Sydney,” I said as we ran. I had no proof, but I just knew it; she was creating a diversion and it luckily enough happened to double as a signal to us that she and Rose were in trouble too. 

“Sydney has pyrotechnics too, now?” Dimitri asked, and the bastard wasn’t even a little winded as we hit the doors.

“No. Sydney is the pyrotechnics,” I told him. I was in better shape than I had been when I’d first moved to Palm Springs since I’d quit smoking and drinking and had taken self defense classes with Sydney, but I had also spent the past several months in a depressive state so my stamina—admittedly never top-tier—was not on Dimitri’s level and I knew he was pacing himself to me. “Witch, remember?”

Outside, we took off back towards our hotel, cutting through parking lots behind buildings until we found the source of the noise. A white Ford Explorer had gone up in flames and from the shocked murmurings of the crowd around, it seemed to have just spontaneously combusted. But up on a fourth-floor balcony stood Rose and Sydney. I watched in horror as Rose sent a high, hard kick through the open balcony door before slamming it shut and throwing Sydney’s duffel bag down onto the balcony below.

In the parking lot, a group of very official looking people with unsurprisingly yellow auras were ushering people back inside, but I didn’t pay any mind to the Alchemists who were working to get us alone again. I only had eyes for Sydney, who climbed over the balcony railing and looked like she was preparing to drop down beside her bag. She had told me all about how she had scaled Marcus’s apartment building all those months ago, which had been a daring enough task even then when she was healthy and fit and active. Now, she was malnourished and weakened from months of captivity, and I cursed when her grip on the railing slipped just as Rose climbed over.

“I got you! Let go!” I called out to her. I didn’t know if she and Rose had even seen us in the parking lot with all the commotion, but even if she hadn’t seen me, Sydney knew my voice and trusted me implicitly. She didn’t hesitate to comply, and I shot out with spirit, creating a solid wall of wind that knocked her onto the balcony below next to Rose, who had already dropped down in a crouch to hoist the duffel back over her shoulder. Sydney might be winded from the blow, but at least she wasn’t splat on the concrete.

I didn’t bother making sure they knew where to meet us. Something told me Rose would be able to find Dimitri anywhere. Realistically, I knew they had probably planned out where they would meet up if something like this happened, but I preferred to imagine Rose putting a tracker in his skull to ensure she couldn’t lose him again after she got him back the first time. As soon as we could be sure Sydney was safe on the balcony with Rose, Dimitri and I turned and sprinted away, weaving between cars in the packed lot as the Alchemists followed us.

Three of them swung into our path when we were only two cars from reaching the walkway and I skidded to a halt, reaching for spirit even as Dimitri lunged ahead of me. In an instant, the first Alchemist was down and out cold and I was reminded yet again why Dimitri was one of the most respected guardians today as he planted a boot in the chest of the second Alchemist while simultaneously smacking a gun out of the third’s hand. Seconds later, he had incapacitated them both without even breaking a sweat.

Even if I wanted to be impressed, I didn’t have time. I wheeled around at the sound of people running up behind me to see a handful of Alchemists approaching from all sides. Dimitri stepped back to my side, expression hard and calculating. They had guns, but they didn’t seem particularly eager to use them in such a public setting. Obviously, that worked in our favor because I was pretty sure Dimitri could take out thirty regular unarmed humans with one hand tied behind his back. I wondered how many Alchemists would go down before they gave up on hand-to-hand and decided I didn’t want to find out.

With a thought, I stopped three of them in their tracks. As one, they started screaming, stomping their feet and swiping at their arms and running into each other in their desperation to stop the slithering of imaginary snakes all over their bodies. A couple more stopped and ran back to their colleagues, shouting in fear about the devil’s work and making the sign of the cross as they tried to help.

“Stop where you are! Release them!” A man in his thirties in a fitted grey suit with slicked back blond hair pointed a gun at me. I swiped out with spirit, sending the gun flying out of his hand just as the car next to him went up in flames.

There were more screams as Alchemists dove out of the way. Dimitri grabbed me and we were sprinting again, but I could see Sydney up on another balcony, her arm extended, her aura radiating magnificence.

“Go!” I shouted, frustrated and terrified that she wasn’t already on her way out. She must have heard the commotion and run back out to help, the beautiful, stubborn witch. Didn’t she know Dimitri and I could handle this? Maybe I couldn’t make a car explode, but I could throw up a shield that rivaled hers.

“Yeah, you’re welcome, honey!” she called back wryly.

“Thank you!” I called through gritted teeth. Dimitri shoved me forward, and Sydney disappeared as she darted back into the room she’d burst out of as the frightened Alchemists began to reassemble.

After an exhausting fifteen minutes of darting around Vegas with seemingly no destination in mind, we lost the Alchemists who had been following us. Dimitri pulled me into a gift shop and made a beeline to the back of the store where the books were.

“Now isn’t a good time to catch up on your summer reading, buddy,” I said.

Dimitri only spared me a brief glance before he returned to scanning our surroundings. “This is our meeting spot.”

I quirked an eyebrow and gestured to the rack at his elbow. “In front of the western novels?”

“Rose,” was all Dimitri said, and I guessed that was somewhat of an explanation. Rose would pick a random place that might, if I had to guess, also doubled as a way to tease Dimitri.

A second later, my heart leapt as I watched two girls duck into the shop and make their way toward us. I hurried over to Sydney, pulling her into my arms as Rose went to Dimitri.

Sydney looked stricken when I pulled back to look her over, and her eyes were rimmed red. “Are you okay?” I demanded, running my hands along her arms and back.

She nodded and held up a lump of stone, sniffling. “I had to put him back to sleep.” She looked down at Hopper, stroking his stone scales gently. “He warned us they were there, and I had to put him back to sleep.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” I soothed, pulling her face into my chest again. “Once we’re out of here, he can be out all the time.”

“We need to move.”

When I cast a glance at her, Rose did look a little regretful for interrupting us, but she was right. We couldn’t stay in one place like this. We had managed to shake our pursuers, but the Alchemists were still out there combing the strip. How long before one or two of them ducked in here?

“Did you get what you need?” Rose asked me as we headed for the door.

“It will do,” I said with a shrug and a nod. I turned to Sydney, who seemed to have shaken out of her emotional outburst. “We need to get you a dress.”

“Dude, seriously? We are being chased by gun-wielding religious zealots who want us all—but especially you—dead and you want to go shopping?” Rose protested.

“This is our wedding, Hathaway, not yours. She needs a dress,” I said firmly.

“She’s right, though, Adrian. I don’t think aesthetic is our top priority here,” Sydney said, but I wasn’t going to back down from this. “We don’t need to look fancy; we just need to get married.”

“You’re telling me that you don’t have a vision board for your wedding? That you don’t have the dress and the hair and the makeup already picked out in your mind and probably on some private pinterest board somewhere?” I was sure she had planned every detail of her future wedding out years ago. There was no way we would be able to hit all the marks, but we could at least get her looking how she had always dreamed, or at least close to it. And, honestly, I wasn’t going to get married in a boring old Alchemist get-up. I needed a tux.  From her reticent expression, I knew I was right. She did have a plan for her wedding. “I saw a shop nearby when Dimitri and I were running earlier. Come on.”

When Sydney didn’t object again, Rose and Dimitri didn’t argue though I did catch Rose rolling her eyes at him over my shoulder. Sydney stopped me with a hand on my arm when I started to lead everyone away.

“We need a license first,” she said, gesturing to a building straight ahead. Just as I turned to look, a beaming couple walked out hand-in-hand, a piece of paper clutched tight in the woman’s hand.

“See, we’re the perfect match,” I said, taking her hand and heading over. “I never would have known that was the first step.”

Rose waited outside, keeping watch while Dimitri stood in a corner inside the building with eyes on us while Sydney and I joined the queue of people waiting for a marriage license.

“How do people get drunkenly married in Vegas so often if you have to wait in line for hours for a license before you even make it to the chapel?” I wondered in a hushed voice.

Sydney smiled up at me from under my arm and shook her head. “I don’t think it’s as common as you might believe,” she said. “In any case, I would imagine most of those weddings are the ones that wind up not being legally recognized.”

It took almost an hour before we got to the front of the line, and then only a few minutes to fill out the form. Sydney left it to me to do, which surprised me for a moment before she quietly reminded me that she hadn’t held a pen in months and her hands were weak yet. She signed—and her signature was indeed sloppier than usual—when I was finished, and Dimitri followed us outside. A moment later, Rose materialized in front of us.

“A few Alchemists have passed by,” she reported. “Seems they haven’t even considered that you might be trying to get married since they didn’t bother glancing this way.”

It was odd. They knew that Sydney and I were together, that we were in love—it was the whole reason they had taken her, had tortured and tried brainwashing her—but our relationship was such a taboo to them that they couldn’t fathom that we would actually get married. For a group of people who prided themselves on their intellect, they sure were overlooking the obvious here, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“I think I spotted the shop you were talking about,” Rose continued, gesturing with her chin in the direction I remembered seeing it. “We should get a move on. We’re sitting ducks just standing here.”

The shop I had seen was only a block and a half away, but we still had to duck hurriedly down an alleyway between buildings once when Dimitri spotted an Alchemist heading our way. Luckily, he didn’t notice us, and we reached our destination a moment later.

An attendant bustled over, a pretty young woman in a gown of long, flowing blue velvet. “Welcome, welcome! How may I help you?”

I returned her smile, turning on the charm even as I spotted the clock behind her, and felt a jolt of panic. It was getting late, and we still hadn’t figured out how we were getting out of here. Maybe I could sneak a call to Lissa and see if she had a plan yet.

“She needs a dress. Whatever she wants,” I said, reaching around her for the pad of paper and a pen sitting on the desk. I scribbled a series of numbers and handed her the paper. “And I need a tux. These are my measurements.”

Unsurprisingly, Sydney was leafing through a rack of dresses already. Rose, in a moderately shocking twist, was right there with her. Maybe she wasn’t about to sprint down the aisle to Dimitri, but I had to remember that Rose did like to look good and would likely be an asset to get Sydney into the perfect dress here.

“What are you doing?” Sydney asked as the attendant nodded and hurried off into the back room to look for a tux in my size.

“I have to go find a venue and an officiant,” I said.

“We’re separating again?” Sydney frowned at me, awash in a sea of gauzy white tulle and sleek, silvery satin.

“It’s going to take a while to get you outfitted,” I pointed out. It was a small shop, but there were hundreds of dresses. “And other plans need to be made.”

“I don’t like it. What if they find us again?” Rose said. “We can’t use the same meeting place as last time.”

“Make another big explosion,” I told Sydney. “I’ll find you.”

“What if you get caught?” Sydney argued.

“Not going to happen,” I said. “I’ll use spirit; they won’t recognize me.”

“Adrian, that will take a crazy amount out of you! Lissa did something similar once and she almost passed out!” Rose exclaimed.

“This is a walk in the park for me,” I said. Lissa and I were both spirit users, but we had different strengths.

Yes, but we all know how the dhampir girl looks down on you.

“Besides,” I said, ignoring my aunt as I turned to Sydney. “You know I can do this. I kept you hidden from Alicia last year, remember?”

“Of course I remember.” Sydney was frowning as she said it, and I understood that she didn’t doubt my ability, but she still didn’t want to separate.

“And I kept Keith from recognizing Marcus.” This reminder I directed at Rose and Dimitri since Sydney had been absent for that particular feat of power. “This is different anyway. Easier. It’s just basically me making myself so unremarkable they’ll look right past me.”

“Yeah, but you’d have to do the same to Dimitri, too,” Rose argued, eyes narrowing and mouth drawing downward in a deep frown like she thought I was being reckless. “If they see him, they’ll obviously spring into action.”

“No, I’m going alone.”

“No, you are not.” So far, Dimitri had been standing silent sentry while Rose argued with me, but he looked almost as annoyed with me as Rose at just the thought of me going off alone right now. I understood why—guardian-Moroi obligations and all—but it didn’t change my mind.

“Yes, I am,” I said firmly. “I can’t keep both of us disguised and still interact with people. Trust me, I’m safer going alone this time.”

Honestly, I probably could keep up the illusion on both of us, but I didn’t want to get too cocky and be proven wrong and get us all caught again.

The voice in my head apparently had no such concerns.

They don’t think you can do this. Even Sydney who claims to love you doesn’t believe in you.

Yes, she does, I thought back, looking at Sydney, who was visibly fretting over the possibility that something might happen to me. She’s just worried. Understandable, given the circumstances and what she’s been through.

“Did you not bring us here to guard you?” Rose argued, hands on hips in what was probably an attempt at not punching me. “And now you’re determined to go off on your own?”

“Actually, little dhampir,” I said easily, “I brought you here to help me rescue Sydney and get her to safety.” Speaking of the beautiful love of my life, I turned and took her hands in mine, bringing them to my lips. “I’ll be fine. Do you really think I would let anything stop me from marrying you?”

She spared me a wry, watery little smile at that and shook her head. “No, of course not. I just don’t like the thought of splitting up again. They already found us once.”

Honestly, I hated separating for the same reason. “And if they find anyone this time, it won’t be me. Which is why I want both Rose and Dimitri to stay with you.”

“We are wasting time,” Dimitri said. “I think we all know Adrian well enough to know that he is going to get his way. It is no use arguing.” He gave me a hard look and a deep frown. “How long do you need?”

“Probably around three hours,” I said, surprised that Dimitri, Mr. No-Nonsense, By-the-Books, They-Come-First was the one backing me up here.

“Three hours!” Sydney exclaimed in dismay. “What could possibly keep you for that long?”

“We need rings, Sydney,” I said gently. I hated the thought of leaving her just as much as she did, but it needed to happen. “And I have to find someone I can convince to squeeze us in last minute. And I need to figure out how we’re getting out of here.”

“I’m supposed to pick your ring,” Sydney said quietly. Rose and Dimitri turned away to survey the window to give us the illusion of privacy.

“You can pick out a new one later,” I told her, sliding my hands to her waist and kissing her softly. “Maybe for our tenth anniversary.”

Sydney’s smile was soft and impressed. “It is a popular tradition to reserve ring upgrades for the tenth anniversary.”

“Is it?” I shrugged as if that was news to me. “I just thought ten years sounded good.”

She laughed quietly and shook her head at me. “We’d better make it a lot further than ten years, Ivashkov.”

“Well, obviously.” I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly, though before her just the thought of spending one year with the same person would have been laughable, married or not. Now, though, it was inevitable that she was the only person I would want to be with for the rest of my life, and I wanted that future more than I could ever express. “But we have to hit ten years before we hit forever.”

She allowed me to draw her in by the waist and angled her head up as I bent to kiss her. “I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

I nodded to Rose and Dimitri as I called on spirit, pulled it up and out and over myself like a cloak of obscurity, and ducked out of the shop and back into the bustle of a Vegas afternoon.

Chapter Text

I didn’t care about anything except her and the way touching her drove me wild, even as her calm and steady presence soothed the storms that raged within me.
- Adrian Ivashkov
The Fiery Heart

My first stop was a visit to a jeweler, who lit up the second I walked in as if he hadn’t seen much business in a while. I wondered if we were in the off-season for Vegas weddings or if I had just managed to catch him in a lull. He looked nice enough, middle aged and a little portly with grey, thinning hair that looked to have once been a thick, rich brown. I knew how to carry myself like an important man with money to burn because for most of my life up until recently, that was what I had been, or at least how I’d viewed myself.

“Hello, there! How can I help you, sir?” he asked.

“Hello,” I said airily, approaching the counter with confidence to spare. “I wonder if you do custom work?”

“Oh, well, of course. For a cost.” There was a twinkle in his eye as he led me to a display case near the window. “These are all custom pieces that were never picked up. As such, payment is required ahead of time. I’m sure you can understand.”

I said nothing for a moment, merely studied the rings in the case. They were all diamonds, all clearly engagement rings, and they were certainly beautiful. The quality of the jewels didn’t matter to me much as I would be providing my own jewels for this ring, but the fact that he was able to inlay them in such an attractive manner was promising.

“Do you have pen and paper? I have a specific design in mind,” I said. The man nodded and hurried off to fetch a pad of paper and a pen. When he handed them to me, I quickly sketched out the ring I envisioned on Sydney’s finger and placed it on the glass counter between us. “Do you think you could manage this?”

“Oh, you must be an artist. What a beautiful design,” he said appreciatively as he pulled the paper closer. “Yes, yes, I can certainly make this. I have some lovely jewels in mind if you want to see them. Diamonds? I’m assuming this is an engagement ring for a lucky young lady?”

“I’m the lucky one, believe me,” I said, and held out a hand to stop him from hurrying away again. “I actually have a particular set of jewels in mind.”

Slowly, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a single gold ruby-and-diamond encrusted cufflink. I still carried them with me everywhere I went, in the same pocket I’d kept Hopper in for months. The jeweler’s eyes went wide as he reached for it and the phantom exploded, enraged, in my mind.

How could you even consider throwing away my jewels like this? How could you allow this lowly human to lay his grubby fingers on my jewels?

It’s for Sydney, I tried to rationalize with the disembodied voice in my head. I’m only using one of them; I’ll keep the other for myself.

I didn’t want to give Sydney just any generic ring out of a jewelry case. I wanted it to mean something, and the cufflinks my aunt had given me for my twenty-first birthday, while definitely my most valuable possession, were also my most precious. Sydney would understand the significance of the gesture; I had once pawned a single ruby from this same cufflink because I wanted to surprise her with a nice date at my apartment while high on spirit and had had a complete mental breakdown when everything went wrong which had led to her discovery of the voice in my head. I could only hope that this time wouldn’t lead to any breakdowns.

“Oh, yes.” He held the cufflink up to eye level, examining it in awe. “Yes, this will do beautifully.”

“Size seven, yellow gold, and I want the main jewel to be the diamond,” I said. I had never seen Sydney wear any jewelry that wasn’t yellow gold, apart from the wooden cross I’d given her. “One of the bigger ones. And I imagine the smaller ones encircling the band to be rubies.”

“Yes, yes, that will be magnificent,” he said softly, almost distractedly, like he was already envisioning it, already working it out in his mind. It made me feel better about entrusting this to him.

“And I’ll need wedding bands as well. Nothing particular for those, I think,” I said. “A matching set you’ve got in yellow gold. Size seven, again, for her. Ten for me.”

He set the cufflink down very gingerly on a jeweler’s mat between us and began jotting down notes. “Of course, of course. And what is the timeframe?”

“I’ll pick them up in two hours,” I said surely.

“Two hours?” He blanched. “For such an intricate design, I would prefer at the very least a full day.”

“But is it doable?” I asked.

“Well, yes, if I start now and have zero distractions,” he said. “But…”

“Don’t you want to help me out?” I said smoothly, spirit and compulsion leaking into my tone. “You want to make sure that my girl and I have the best damn rings you’ve ever made.”

He blinked and smiled. “You know, it sounds like your sweetheart deserves a great ring and I’m going to make the best ring I’ve ever made. There’s just the matter of payment to settle.”

I nodded to the cufflink resting on the soft mat between us. “You can keep the left-over jewels and the metal from that. It’s more than a fair deal.”

I didn’t even need to add compulsion that time. The metal was platinum, and the sketch I’d drawn up for him used up less than half of the rubies and diamonds. Even considering the cost of labor and gold, he would make a hefty profit off of this one exchange if he was smart in how he repurposed everything.

He nodded, eyeing the sketch and the cufflink. Clearly, he knew I was right. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Great! I’ll be back in a while, then. Thank you, you offer impeccable customer service,” I said, already heading for the door. My heart felt heavy, and my mind was still whirling about leaving the cufflink behind, but I had to remind myself that this made a much better symbol of my everlasting love for Sydney than any of the generic rings he had on display. “I’ll have to leave a glowing Yelp review.”

As I turned to leave, I spotted the old-fashioned rotary phone behind the counter, and I wheeled back to face the man. “Hey, mind if I borrow that phone?” I said. He glanced at the phone, then frowned at me. “It will only take a minute. I swear.”

He sighed. I knew I was not doing a good job of being an unremarkable customer, and I poured some more compulsion into my smile, honeying my tone even as my words demanded his compliance. “Let me use the phone.”

Expression blank, he set the phone on the counter between us and turned back to my sketch. A shrill ring started the second I reached for the phone. Suspicious, I lifted the receiver from the cradle and held it to my ear. “Hello?”

A high-pitched squeal almost burst my eardrum and I grimaced, jerking my head away even as I recognized the voice. When the squealing faded, I cautiously returned the receiver to my ear. “This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen in my life!”

“Thanks, Jill. I’m glad someone is enjoying it. I really feel like I’m in over my head here,” I said. I almost asked how she was able to reach me, but chances were good she had been in my head pretty much ever since we’d found Sydney and had known our precise whereabouts every step of the way.

“You’re doing fine, Adrian,” Jill assured me. “I swear, it’s like watching a romance movie.”

“Glad to hear it.” I chuckled and shook my head. “Look, I’m in kind of a hurry. Can we talk about this later?”

“Obviously we’re going to talk about this later,” Jill said and I imagined she was rolling her eyes at me. “I’m actually saving you some time here. No need to call Lissa. I called in a favor—well, there’s really no favor. I’m just the princess and apparently that means people will do things for me, no questions asked. Be on the roof of the Blue Lagoon at 5:30. A helicopter from the Olga Dobrova Academy will be there to bring you guys to Court.”

For a second, I was too stunned to speak. I had lived my life as a royal, with rich parents and a respectable name, and more power than I had ever been responsible enough to wield. I was used to throwing my name and my weight around. Jill was new to this life, and though she was already far more important than I was, she hadn’t come to terms with that fact, and had never seemed to even want to use her position as Lissa’s sister to her advantage. Apparently, though, she would do it for Sydney and me.

“Jill, I …” I faltered, not knowing the words to express the depth of my gratitude, but she was part of me. She didn’t need my words, not when she was in my mind and heart.

“I know,” she said. “You’re welcome. Now go. You still have a lot to do. With any luck, this bill will pass, and I’ll see you both soon at Court.”

There was a click and then the buzzing of a dead line as she hung up to save me the trouble of a response. I felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders as I slowly returned the receiver to its cradle and then turned to leave again. The man came out of his compulsion-induced trance as my hand hit the door knob and he bid me farewell. I waved over my shoulder as I exited, feeling like luck was finally on our side now that Jill had come through in such a huge way.

Unfortunately, finding a venue and someone to actually marry us proved more challenging than I’d expected. Part of me wanted to get married by an Elvis impersonator just for the story of it all, but Sydney would probably prefer someone more conservative. My theory that it wasn’t Vegas wedding season was shot to hell considering that every chapel I went to seemed to be completely booked for the afternoon. In the end, it took paying an insane amount of money upfront, a whole lot of compulsion, and a promise that we would be fifteen minutes tops—we just needed to say our vows, sign the certificate, and maybe take some pictures in our wedding finery—to secure a wedding time some two hours away. The woman working the front desk squeezed us in between two other couples, and when the officiant came out and overheard our conversation, I had to compel him not to force her to cancel our slot.

It was almost two hours to the minute since I had left the shop when I swung back in to pick up my rings. The jeweler was just coming out of a back room, polishing a gold ring with a jewelry cloth. He glanced up and beamed when he saw me. “You have impeccable timing. I just finished.”

“How perfectly prompt of us both,” I said, waiting anxiously as he pulled a velvet mat out from under the nearest display case and set my rings on it.

There were three bands of glittering gold, two plain and beautiful and one—the engagement ring—with the largest diamond sitting atop a small cluster of rubies. It was exactly what I had sketched out for him, like my vision brought to light. It was perfect. I could only hope Sydney would love it as much as I did.

I thanked the jeweler profusely—I had never even gotten his name—and turned around to leave. I almost walked right into an Alchemist. My heart stopped for a second, and then took off racing, but the man just walked right past me to ask the man at the counter if he had seen anyone with a tattoo similar to his. I didn’t stick around to hear the rest of the questioning. Thankful that my power had held up, I ran from the shop.

It had been just under three hours by the time I slammed through the doors of the wedding shop I had left the others in. Dimitri was waiting near the door, and his entire demeanor radiated tension as he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from the windows.

“There are Alchemists all over,” he said quietly. I figured, since I didn’t see Rose and Sydney hovering anxiously, that he was doing his best to keep this from Sydney’s attention. “One of them came in here half an hour ago. Rose and Sydney were in the dressing room, and I was able to duck out of sight, so they didn’t find us. Thankfully the attendant was not cooperative with them.”

“Yeah, seems like they’ve started to suspect what we’re up to,” I told him, voice equally hushed. “I literally ran into one at the jeweler’s.” When concern flashed in Dimitri’s eyes, I continued on. “My disguise held up. He didn’t even look twice at me, but he was asking for a girl with a golden lily tattoo.”

“That may not be their wisest strategy,” Dimitri said thoughtfully. “Considering how many Alchemists are around.”

“My thoughts exactly,” I said. “There are an awful lot of golden lilies on the strip tonight.”

Just then, the attendant came rushing out. “Oh! There you are! Your bride has been fretting ever since you left!”

“Did she find her dress?” I asked.

“Oh, she found several. Her friend forced her into at least half of the dresses in my shop,” the lady said wryly. “I’ve got a tuxedo in mind for you. Here, I’ll set it up in a dressing room for you.”

I followed her towards the back of the shop where there were three wide arching golden doors. Behind one door, there was a scuffling noise, almost like there was a fight going on, then the sound of rustling fabric. The attendant opened the farthest door for me, then bustled off.

I turned to the dressing room I assumed Rose and Sydney were in and leaned my shoulder on the door frame. “We have an appointment in a little less than an hour, so I hope you’ve found a dress you can stand to be married in by now.”

“Adrian!” Sydney’s voice was muffled, but relieved, through the door. There was more noise of rustling fabric, then her voice sounded closer. “You’re back!”

There was another scuffle, then a weak protest from Sydney. The door opened, but instead of Sydney swathed in white, I found myself face-to-face with Rose, who pushed me out of the way, blocking Sydney from my view with her body. “Move it, Ivashkov. Don’t you know the superstition?”

I rolled my eyes as she hurriedly closed the door behind her. “Somehow, I don’t think we’re going to make it a quarter mile on foot without me seeing the dress.”

Rose looked at me, considering, but still scowled. “We’re holding off as long as we can, at least.”

“If you insist.” I sighed, though. In her dressing room, I could hear Sydney grumbling discontentedly. I really, really wanted to see the dress she had on. “She did at least find a dress that she can live with, right?”

“Adrian.” Rose looked at me like I was crazy, which, fair. “This is Sydney we’re talking about here. And me. We found the dress.” Her incredulous look melted into a shit-eating grin. “You’re going to lose your mind when you see her.”

“Lost it a long time ago, I’m afraid,” I said, but grinned at her as the attendant came back with a garment bag. I followed her as she hung it on the hook for me, and then left me in peace.

“How were your errands?” Rose called through the door in a conversational tone as I undressed. “You made it back in one piece, so I assume it wasn’t that bad.”

“I achieved my goals,” I said. I knew Sydney could hear our conversation, so I chose not to tell her about my run-in leaving the jeweler. She would only worry, which would be unnecessary and waste of her energy considering it was in the past and nothing had even come of it.

“Well, seems like we all had a productive few hours,” Rose said. It took me a couple minutes to get myself dressed, and when I finished and opened the door, the attendant was standing with her, lint roller in hand. She stepped forward and began to inspect every inch of my outfit, rolling the lint roller over any bit of unwanted fluff her eyes could find. My attention went to Rose as she took a step back, eyed me up and down, and gave an appreciative whistle. “Well, damn. Sydney’s going to lose her shit over you, too.”

“Oh, come on!” Sydney protested, and the doorknob rattled as she presumably made to come out. Rose jumped away and grabbed the handle, pulling the door shut again as it began to open. “This is ridiculous. A little superstition is the least of our worries here.”

“I think you look perfect,” the attendant said smugly, ignoring the girls’ argument as I turned to the mirror. “What do you think?”

“I think you’re a master of your craft,” I said, though I didn’t think I looked better in this particular tux than in any of the ones I had worn before. I did, however, look damn good. The attendant beamed at me as I reached for my wallet. “And we need to settle the matter of payment.”

Dimitri walked up then. “Rose and I can handle that,” he offered, holding out a hand for my wallet. “If you want to have a moment with Sydney.”

“What?” Rose scowled at him and popped a sassy hand on her hip as her other hand held the door shut. “No.”

“Roza,” Dimitri said, leveling a stern look on her as the attendant turned and led him away from the dressing rooms. “Come, let’s leave them alone.”

“You are seriously no fun,” she grumbled, but followed him to the register anyway.

I shook my head with a little smirk as I watched them go, and then turned to Sydney’s still shut door. I was surprised, given the brief tussle with Rose, that she hadn’t flung it open the second Rose’s hand left the handle. I walked over and rapped my knuckles lightly on her door. “Sydney?” I said quietly.

Her voice was soft and meek when she answered. “Is it just you?”

I looked around as if I hadn’t just seen everyone walk away, as if she hadn’t heard the entire exchange. “Yeah, it’s just you and me.” When the door still didn’t open, I took a half step closer so that the toes of my shiny black shoes would peek under the door at her. “Is everything okay?”

For a horrible second, I feared that she had suddenly changed her mind and didn’t want to marry me anymore. But then there was the rustling of fabric again, and I saw a hint of white at the bottom of the door, the hem of her dress brushing the top of my shoes.

“I’m nervous,” she said very quietly. “Suddenly it feels so real, what we’re doing. Are you nervous?”

I took a moment to think on it. I wanted to offer a flippant ‘no,’ but I wasn’t sure that would be totally truthful. The gravity of this moment was not lost on me. All my life before I loved her, I had never been the type to settle down. Even with Rose, I now knew for certain that the fascination would have worn off eventually and I would have rejected the monogamy of our relationship. My relationship with Sydney was unlike any other, but we were so young and it was still so new, and it had been a secret for the longest time, and fraught with tension and danger. In all honesty, I was terrified, but still I knew—somehow, deep within me—that these feelings I had for her, the all-consuming love, would never fade and we would work together through every hardship, just as we always had since before she could even admit she loved me, to keep our relationship strong. Forever.

I took a deep breath and matched her quiet tone. “Yeah, I’m nervous as hell. But I’m ready. I’m all-in. Aren’t you?”

She was silent for several seconds, and then the white of her dress disappeared from beneath the door. Before I could even fear that she was turning away from me and backing out of this, the door opened, and she stood before me.

My breath left me in a tremulous whoosh as I took in the sight of her. I had expected her to go with something simple, perhaps something old-fashioned with a high neck and long lacy sleeves. Instead, she had chosen the subtle elegance of a sweetheart neckline with a beaded, form-fitting bodice that led into a soft, flowy skirt that looked like it would be fun to spin her in. I certainly hadn’t expected it to be strapless. The sight of so much flesh rendered me speechless. I wanted— desperately—to kiss a trail from the start of her cleavage up to her neck. I realized, because her hair wasn’t covering her shoulders, that Rose must have helped her with it. It was twisted back away from her face in the front, with little pearl details woven into the twist, but was loose down her back. They had also somehow managed to find some makeup. In all honesty, I had never been more attracted to her. Or more in love, more ready to dedicate myself to her completely.

She fidgeted, and I remembered she had just told me how nervous she was.

“Rose and I went back and forth about the shoes, but we eventually decided that the tennis shoes were for the best considering there may be a lot of sprinting in our near future.” She lifted the hem of her dress to show the worn white sneakers she had been wearing since Death Valley.

“Practical,” I said, finally coming to my senses. My heart hurt for her that she had likely wanted something fancier, something more traditional. Still, I could appreciate the wisdom of the decision. I took both of her hands in mine and held them out to her sides as I studied her. “You’re a vision, a goddess, a siren. I’m not convinced this isn’t a dream.”

When I twirled her slowly to see her skirt billow out, she rolled her eyes even as she laughed, realizing my goal as some of the tension left her shoulders. “You would be the one to know if this were a dream.”

I lifted our joined hands to my face, kissed her knuckles. “You’re right. In that case, I must just be the luckiest man in the world.”

As I held her hands in mine, I saw with some confusion that her wrists no longer appeared bruised. When I looked closer, I realized the bruises from her captivity were still there, but they appeared heavily faded, or very determinedly covered.

“Rose covered them with concealer,” Sydney told me, an almost shy note to her voice when she noticed me looking.

“Well, she did a good job,” I said, dropping her hands to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her into a kiss. “You look phenomenal, truly my dream come true.”

There was a click, and a mechanical whirring, and we both turned to see Rose standing there holding a disposable camera. “Sorry, but you’re out of your minds if you thought I was going to miss your first look.” She gestured to the camera. “I haven’t seen a disposable camera in forever, but the lady asked if we wanted to buy one, so I said yeah. You think they still develop film at CVS or would that be a specialty thing these days?”

Sydney laughed, and I turned back to her. She grinned up at me, radiant. “I never answered you before,” she said, nodding her head as she tilted her face up to me for a soft kiss. “Yeah, I’m all-in, too.”

Chapter Text

No torture I’d faced in these last few months came close to matching the terror I felt at the thought of losing him. Everything I’d fought for, every challenge, every victory… all of it was empty if anything happened to him. Without him, I wouldn’t have had the courage to become the person I was. Without him, I wouldn’t have realized what it truly was to live and love life. Centrum permanebit. He was my center, and there was nothing I wouldn’t do, nothing I wouldn’t give up, to keep him safe.
-Sydney Ivashkov
Silver Shadows, 357

The walk over to the venue was fraught with tension, though Sydney and I both tried our hardest to act like there was nothing amiss, like we were just any couple heading to their wedding ceremony. Of course, normal couples didn’t discuss exit strategies on the way to their wedding, but I had to fill them in at some point about Jill’s phone call and the helicopter that would be awaiting us. Especially since we would have to sprint down the strip after the ceremony to catch it.

To all of our surprise, we didn’t run into any Alchemists on the way to the chapel. Some part of me thought that was suspicious, but Sydney pointed out that they had nothing to gain from hanging back and watching us, not now, not when it was so glaringly obvious what our goal was. She had a point. If they saw us, they would know for certain that we were getting married, and it would be in their best interest to stop us before we made it to the chapel. Since they didn’t, I had to believe luck was on our side.

In another stroke of luck, we made it to the chapel ten minutes before our scheduled time and it looked like they were ahead of schedule as well.

“Oh, good, you’re here!” The receptionist hurried over as soon as she spotted me. “He just finished up with the previous couple. He’s waiting for you.”

And she practically pushed us through a heavy oak door, holding Sydney back for a moment. There was an aisle, and though there had been no rehearsal, I knew my place was at the end of the aisle beside the officiant, and the receptionist would likely usher Sydney in once I had reached my spot. I walked, as if drawn by some magnetic force, down the aisle to the preacher, who gave me a tight, harried smile.

“Mr. Ivashkov.”

I nodded to him, but my mouth was too dry to speak. Behind me, I was vaguely aware of Rose and Dimitri taking a stance off to the side. Guarding still, but also witnessing our union. Then the doors opened again, and I turned to watch, heart hammering, as Sydney walked towards me. She walked in a measured pace, not quite as slowly as a bride traditionally would due to our hurried nature, but she didn’t run to me. I smiled as she neared me, and held out a hand for her. She trembled as she slid her hand into mine, and I squeezed it comfortingly.

It was all a bit of a blur, but at some point around the middle of the preacher’s speech, I felt steadier, and felt Sydney’s hand stop trembling as well. He spoke briefly of the wonder and joy of two souls merging into one being, of an irrevocable bond, of a lifetime together, and I let the seriousness of what we were doing wash over me, let it move through me, and felt as if his words—or my absorption of them—were washing away my past transgressions. No longer was I a partyboy, never again would I sleep around or have wild nights out without any care for who may or may not be waiting for me at home. From now on, I wouldn’t just be me, I would be half of an us. From now on, Sydney and I were a unit that no amount of judgment or disapproval could pry apart.

Our vows were the traditional ones—there had obviously been no time to write our own—and afterward, when we had said I do and slid our wedding rings on each other’s fingers, and the preacher had announced that we were officially married, I pulled a third ring from my pocket.

“There wasn’t time to give you this before,” I said, and lifted her left hand again, sliding the engagement ring on in front of the wedding band as was traditional.

“Adrian,” she breathed, recognizing the jewels at once.

“I love you, Sydney,” I said. “And this is a symbol of my love for you. Forever.”

I kissed her again, and I was grateful there was no raging ghost in my head for the moment. The moment was ruined when the preacher kindly, but firmly, ushered us back out to the receptionist so he could prepare for the next couple. Rose and Dimitri trailed behind us, then walked past us to peer out of the windows.

“Mr. and Mrs. Ivashkov, congratulations,” the receptionist said as she handed over our marriage certificate.

Sydney pulled the slightest grimace at her words and looked down at the certificate in her hands but smiled graciously and thanked her even as I groaned.

“What?” she demanded. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I saw that face you pulled,” I said, and didn’t need her to explain why. Suddenly, because I knew her, I knew what must have caused that reaction. “You always planned to keep your maiden name, didn’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think to ask you.” I shook my head, frustrated with myself. We were minutes into this marriage and I had already screwed up monumentally. I had just written my last name because it was tradition but now, after the fact, it was glaringly obvious that Sydney was the type of woman to keep her maiden name, or at least maybe hyphenate.

“Adrian, stop,” Sydney said firmly, sliding her hands around the back of my neck and pushing up on the tips of her toes to kiss me. “It’s my fault. I had you fill out the paperwork for the license and I didn’t think to bring it up. And really, in the grand scheme of things, it’s inconsequential, isn’t it?”

“Is it?” I said ruefully. It seemed like a pretty big deal to me if I had just changed her name against her will.

“Yes, it is,” Sydney insisted. “The important thing is that we’re married. The rest doesn’t matter.” She kissed me again. “Adrian, I love you, and now we get to spend the rest of our lives together, no matter how anyone feels about it.”

I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to hers and allowed myself, for just a moment, to imagine that we were somewhere else, somewhere safe and relaxing with no one chasing after us trying to force us apart. When I opened my eyes and leaned back, she was smiling up at me.

“I know this isn’t what you dreamed of,” I said softly, trailing my fingers over her smooth skin. Knowing her, she’d always planned to get married in Rome, in a castle overlooking a magnificent courtyard. “A day of sheer panic and maybe fifteen minutes in a Vegas chapel.”

“You’re the one who keeps talking about dream weddings,” Sydney deflected, smiling softly. “I’m beginning to think you’re the one with the vision board.”

“I know this isn’t what you dreamed of,” I said again. Truthfully, I had given no thought to what my wedding would look like. Obviously, I had dreamed of Sydney being my wife and had imagined our potential kids in an abstract sort of far off in the distant future way. But the wedding itself? Until just a few days ago, I hadn’t ever really seriously given any thought to a wedding. “I wish I could have given you everything you ever wanted in a wedding.”

“It’s better,” she said, resting her hands on my chest. It was the first time she had even hinted that I was right about her already planned wedding. “Because it’s you.”

My heart ached with love and grief for her. It could have been better with me in Rome or Greece or Paris or wherever the hell she chose, with all of our friends around us and not rushed in a chapel in Vegas. At least we had two friends here to witness, even if they were both starting to look anxious to get on the move. We only had about an hour before the helicopter would arrive, and we still needed to make it a couple miles down the strip without the Alchemists spotting us.

“We’ll do it all over again,” I promised her. “In a few years, when everything’s blown over. We’ll have a real wedding, and we’ll do it exactly how you want.”

“Adrian …” Sydney murmured.

“We have to move.” Dimitri was suddenly at my side, one large hand wrapped around my arm, and Rose was urging Sydney along. Given the urgency and the lack of tact, I knew they must have spotted Alchemists. Sure enough, when I glanced out the window, I saw a trio of grey suits moving towards the chapel. “Is there a back door?”

The receptionist shook her head, looking confused, and Rose cursed and tensed for a fight as the Alchemists reached the door. But they never made it inside, because I hit out with spirit, knocking the nearest one clean out as the heavy oak door swung into him. The second flew back into a pillar, knocking the wind out of her, and Rose had a brief tussle with a dark-haired man who went down after a hard kick to the side of the head. The receptionist cried out in shock and fear, and I spared a brief moment to soothe her.

“Everything is fine. Nothing to be concerned about. We left immediately following the wedding and nothing out of the ordinary happened at all. You can’t even remember what any of us look like, we were so unremarkable,” I said in a honey voice, and she immediately fell calm and quiet and went back around her desk to type away on her keyboard.

It was approaching prime time in Vegas, and there was a decent crowd out. A few people glanced back at the commotion, but no one looked too concerned to see a few people out cold on the ground. It was Vegas, after all. It wasn’t unusual to find people passed out drunk. In fact, more people stopped to stare at Sydney, who was a real vision in white, but she didn’t seem to notice that people were taking note of her beauty. She took my hand as we ducked into the crowd after Rose with Dimitri bringing up the rear.

“We need to get to the helicopter,” Dimitri said.

“Hey, look. Taxis.” Rose pointed ahead where there was a line of yellow cabs.

We joined a queue of people waiting their turn, and Sydney and I ended up right behind a group of drunk girls who looked to be in their late twenties while Rose stood nearby and Dimitri took rear guard position. The one in the center was wearing all white and had a sash on that said Bride to Be in glittery pink, and there was a plastic tiara in her hair.

“Ooh, oh my god!” One of the girls in front of us squealed when she turned around and caught sight of Sydney and me. “Nessa, look!”

The entire group turned to look at us, and the bride to be pushed to the front of the group to gush over Sydney and me. She was easily the drunkest of them all; her face was flushed, and she looked on the verge of tears just at the sight of a newlywed couple.

“Oh my god, congratulations!” she shrieked.

Sydney and I glanced at each other, and then I watched her put on the most convincing act of her life. She squealed and pressed herself closer to my side, her arm going around my waist. “Oh my god, thank you! That is such a killer tiara!”

“Thanks! I love your dress. It’s like my total dream dress!” Nessa squealed back.

“Mine, too!” Sydney gushed, gingerly brushing her fingers over the beaded detailing on her bodice. “I was super lucky to find it on such short notice, wasn’t I, babe?”

Apart from calling her Sage and jokingly referring to her as various health foods for a brief period of time, pet names weren’t really our thing, maybe partly because they were risky since we had never been able to openly be in a relationship. Even though it was obviously just part of her act, I found that I really liked it. Finally, we could be open and proud of our relationship. Our marriage. I smiled and nodded when she beamed up at me and made a show of checking her out. Sydney giggled, and I wasn’t totally sure it was all just part of the act. We were newlyweds, after all.

“Trust me, I’m the lucky one.” I turned to the bridal party with a wink. “We just eloped.”

“My father doesn’t approve,” Sydney added, allowing a little of her genuine nervous tension to eke into her tone. “He and my uncles have been trying to keep us apart ever since they found out about our relationship.”

“They’re somewhere here on the strip looking for us. If they find us, they’re going to try to force us to annul,” I said. Truthfully, far worse than having to fight an annulment would happen if we were caught, but I could see our story was working on a bunch of drunk women who were already in the mood to guzzle down a romantic story. “But there’s no stopping love as true as ours.”

Sydney sent me some serious lovestruck eyes as the girls around us squealed variations of oh my gosh, and so romantic.

“Obviously, we would still rather avoid them,” she said, turning back to our captive audience.

“Of course! I couldn’t imagine having to deal with that stress on my wedding day!” Nessa said tearfully.

“Speak of the devil,” Rose said suddenly, popping up beside me as a ripple of grey suits moved through the crowd toward us. “Here come Uncle Alchemy and his goons now.”

I tightened my grip on Sydney’s waist even as she leaned her upper body forward to grip Nessa’s arm in a pleading gesture, drawing her attention back to us instead of the approaching commotion. The bridal party had reached the front of the line now, and a taxi was just pulling up to the curb.

“I hate to ask this. I’m sure you’ve been waiting forever and it’s so inconvenient, but…” she trailed off, glancing at the taxi to our left.

“Take it! Oh, my god, of course!” They all echoed similar assenting exclamations, and Rose looked a little dumbfounded by how quickly we had just endeared ourselves to these strangers. Little did she know, Sydney and I had a lot of experience improvising stories together. This was the easiest by far, since it was true in essence.

“Thank you so much!” Sydney grabbed me by the wrist and dashed past the group to jump into the taxi.

I dove in after Sydney, who was already telling the driver our destination, and Rose slammed the door behind me after throwing Sydney’s bag of magic tricks in. I didn’t know where Dimitri had gone but I could guess, and it looked like Rose wasn’t going to let him face a group of angry murderous Alchemists alone.

“Go!” she shouted when I rolled down the window to argue. “We’ll meet you there!”

I watched, cursing, as Rose dashed away. I spotted two more approaching from the opposite side as we pulled away from the curb. Before I could do anything about it, Sydney leaned over me and stuck her head out the window.

“Nessa!” She waved her bouquet out the window when the group turned to look at us, and tossed it harder than necessary. “Catch!”

The bouquet soared over their heads, arcing towards our pursuers who didn’t seem to realize what was about to happen. The bridal party went feral leaping after the flowers, and several of the girls fell into the two women following us, knocking them to the ground.

“My wife’s a genius,” I said.

“I hope Rose and Dimitri are okay,” Sydney fretted instead of celebrating her quick thinking. She craned her neck to try and spot them out the window, but we had either already passed them or the crowd was so thick here that we would never spot them.

“I would be more worried about the Alchemists if I weren’t secretly hoping they all dropped dead,” I told her.

“Adrian, that’s a horrible thing to say,” Sydney said, whipping her head around to look at me. When I gave her an incredulous look, she sighed. “Okay, I’ll admit, it’s understandable given the circumstances. But … dead? Really?”

“Yes,” I said seriously. “I think we’ve just started a war here, and I can’t think of any wars that didn’t include bloodshed. I’ll be damned if that blood is yours.”

“Actually, there have been several so-called wars that didn’t result in bloodshed. The Three Hundred and Thirty Five Years’ War is the first that comes to mind, but the validity of its classification as a war has been a topic of debate for some time as not a single shot was ever fired and it was really more of a lack of a peace treaty between the Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly.” Sydney frowned thoughtfully. “I think it stands in this case, though, as it’s still referred to as a war. There are more, but I would have to do some research before I could confidently speak on them since—”

I cut her off with a searing kiss.

“God, I love you,” I told her when I pulled away for a breath.

Her fingers gripped my lapels and pulled me back in. “I love you, too.” Her breath ghosted over my lips as she sighed before kissing me again.

“There’s an extra cleaning fee if you make a mess back there,” the driver said in an easy, conversational tone that still had Sydney jerking away from me, her face on fire at the implication. As if we would actually have sex in the back of a taxi. I had definitely hooked up in the back of a limo before, but that was basically as private as a hotel room. Here, the windows weren’t even tinted to keep bystanders from seeing us and there sure as hell wasn’t a privacy partition between us and the driver. Yes, we’d had sex in Sydney’s beat up station wagon back in Palm Springs, but we’d been alone.

“Why aren't we moving?” Sydney asked, peering between the front seats.

She was right. I had been distracted by her, and had been distracting her in turn, but now that she mentioned it, we definitely had been stationary for a while. There was a long line of cars stopped bumper-to-bumper as far as I could see.

“Oh, traffic’s always bad this time of day, but it's been worse today with that politician giving his speech at the Bellagio.” The driver shrugged like it made no difference to him, and it probably didn’t; he was getting paid whether he sat in traffic or not. “Security is tight up ahead. I heard they were pulling cars over for random searches.”

“That sounds impractical to do on the Vegas strip this time of day,” I said lightly, but my unease was quickly growing. We needed to get to the Blue Lagoon and catch our flight. Sydney was on the same page.

“How far to the hotel?” she asked.

“About another mile,” he said, gesturing ahead with both hands. “Just past the traffic stop, actually.”

“Do you hear that?” I asked, picking up on a sudden rumbling sound that was approaching quickly.

“Hear what?” But she turned to face the back window again, peering out into the traffic, trusting that my ears were better than hers.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I hissed when I spotted the source of the noise.

“What? What is it?” Sydney demanded, but I was already shifting away from her, lifting my hips to awkwardly fish my wallet from my pocket.

“We’re getting out,” I said, leaning forward to hand the driver a twenty dollar bill that more than covered the five minutes we had been in his vehicle. “We’ll have to go the rest of the way on foot.”

Sydney turned to me, her mouth set in a firm line, grim determination on her face, and nodded her agreement. So, she had finally spotted the two motorcycles weaving recklessly through the traffic.

I shoved open the door and jumped out, pausing momentarily to sling the strap of Sydney’s bag over my shoulder. Rose had been exaggerating when she’d said it weighed a hundred pounds, but not by much, and I was not looking forward to having to run a mile with it weighing me down. Then, I reached in, linked my fingers with my wife’s, and pulled her out after me. We bolted into the crowd, putting enough bodies between us and the road as we could while we sprinted toward the hotel. I was certain that they could follow us easily enough, but at least the people between us and them would keep the Alchemists from using their guns if they wanted to. The hum of motorcycle engines followed us until suddenly they stopped. A quick glance over my shoulder told me they had abandoned their motorcycles to rush into the crowd after us.

“They’re right behind us,” I gasped to Sydney, but she didn’t answer. There was a look of intense concentration on her face as we headed for a fountain. She muttered something, waved her hands in a wide arc, and a jet of water rose up out of the fountain, shot past us, and encircled the Alchemists on our tail. They were lifted off their feet and pulled into the fountain.

“Don’t stop!” Sydney exclaimed, and I realized I had frozen in my shock to watch, almost as taken-aback as the crowd of unsuspecting humans who gawked at the people who had been pulled into the fountain. “Keep going.”

“Holy shit, I love you.” It was all I could say as I started running again.

“Love you, too,” she said.

When I spotted the police cars and men in black suits stationed outside of a swanky hotel, I wanted to collapse with relief. We weren’t there yet, but the cab driver had said our destination was right past the security checkpoint. There was a commotion behind us, people crying out in alarm, and I turned to see more pursuers shoving unsuspecting people out of their way.

“Did they send every god-damn Alchemist after us?” I panted in dismayed disbelief. “It’s kind of flattering, actually.”

Sydney’s grip on my hand tightened for a moment before she let go to whirl around. “They want to shoot us, and you’re flattered?”

Sure enough, these Alchemists had guns drawn. I guessed the closer we got to escaping the more desperate they were getting to stop us. But their desperation would be their downfall. Inspiration struck me, and I put on a sudden burst of speed, heading straight for the security officers.

I grabbed the first officer I reached, practically ran right into him. “You see those guys with the gold flowers tattooed on their faces?” I said urgently, gesturing behind me so he glanced over my shoulder. A second officer made his way over to see what was going on. “They’ve got guns, all of them! They’re going to assassinate him! I overheard them plotting.”

I had no idea who he was, but the face on the banners on either side of the door looked like every other middle-aged white human man in politics. I didn’t even need to compel them because the Alchemists were actually armed and wielding their guns. Sydney clutched at my arm and pulled me ahead as one of the officers touched his ear and spoke into his headset and the other placed a hand on his own weapon. I hoped no one got trigger happy but felt confident that these security officers would provide a decent distraction as we continued to run.

When we made it to the Blue Lagoon, Sydney and I practically fell through the turnstile door into the building. The clock over the reception desk signaled that we had five minutes to get to the helipad. We could make it to the roof in five minutes, but I hadn’t seen Rose and Dimitri since the line for the taxis.

“Welcome in, and congratulations to the happy couple. How may I help you?” greeted the doorman. I glanced around, hoping that Rose and Dimitri might just appear out of thin air, but no such luck.

“We need to get to the helipad,” I said as much to the doorman as to Sydney, who was also looking around for Rose and Dimitri. “They’ll be here,” I murmured to her before turning back to the man. “Can you tell us how to get to the roof?”

“Oh, the roof is restricted access only,” the doorman said with a small frown. “To my knowledge, there are no guests with authorized access tonight.”

“But we’re expecting a ride,” I protested. “There’s a helicopter coming for us. They’ll be here soon. They could be here already.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” the doorman said just as there was a commotion behind us, and the door spun on its axis at breakneck speed.

“Oh thank god,” Sydney breathed as Rose and Dimitri sprinted in, both sweaty and panting and a little bloody in the face, but overall okay.

“What’s the hold up?” Dimitri demanded as they both skidded to a halt beside us. “We’ve only got a couple minutes left.”

“It’s restricted access,” Sydney began to explain. “We don’t have authorization.”

“Yes, we do.” Rose looked at me, eyebrows arched expectantly. “Don’t we, Adrian?”

“I was getting to that,” I muttered under my breath, turning away from her to give the doorman my most charming grin and it was the most natural thing in the world for me to soften my tone. My words came out like smooth, soft silk. “We are authorized access to the roof. Get us up there now.”

He smiled and gestured to a hallway to his left. “Right this way.”

We walked a short way down the hall until he stopped at a door with a keypad lock. He punched in a five-digit code and the light on the pad flashed green before there was an audible click and the door swung open.

“Is there another path to the roof?” Sydney asked as he led us up several flights of stairs.

“No, this staircase is the only access point,” he said.

“And no one else has come up today?” Dimitri asked.

“Not to my knowledge,” the man answered. “And apart from my manager, I would be the only one with the code.”

“Finally some actual good news,” Rose muttered under her breath from behind me.

A moment later we came to a stop at a narrow metal door which our guide unlocked with an ordinary key. We stepped through to stand on the roof of the building. There was no helicopter waiting for us, but we could hear the steady thrum and chuff of it nearby.

“The ladder will lead you to the helipad,” the man said, gesturing to a metal rung ladder that was built into a tall brick wall that rose up to a platform I could only assume was the helipad since we couldn’t actually see anything from down here. He turned away to head back inside without another word and the rest of us made our way across the rooftop as the door clicked shut behind us.

Rose reached the ladder first and set her foot on the bottom rung experimentally. “Up we go, I guess.” She turned to look at us. “Who wants to go first?”

“I will, and I’ll take that from you,” Dimitri said, and reached out for Sydney’s bag. Considering I had managed to lug it nearly a mile down the strip while being pursued by gun-wielding maniacs, I wasn’t too proud to hand it over to him. The strap was starting to dig into my shoulder in a painful way. “You follow me, and then Sydney, and Rose will bring up the rear.”

Dimitri swung the bag over his shoulder and began climbing as if it weighed nothing. I took a second to give Sydney a quick kiss before following him. “See you in a second,” I said with a grin, and began to climb.

I heard her on the rungs behind me, struggling a bit with her gown, and heard Rose behind her offering encouragement. I was so distracted by them that I didn’t hear the commotion from up on the helipad until I was pulling myself to my feet to see Dimitri facing half a dozen Alchemists with guns drawn. Even he couldn’t take on those odds, not without the element of surprise we’d had in Death Valley. Standing in the center of the helipad blocking the hovering helicopter from landing was Sheridan, sporting a smug smirk.

Before I could call down for Sydney to go back, there were hands on me, and cold metal on my temple.

“On your knees,” said a deep, cool voice from my left before I was shoved harshly so I fell to my knees. With the barrel of a gun to my head, I could do nothing but comply, though my mind was racing.

“Don’t look him in the eyes,” Sheridan called. “Whatever you do, don’t let him make eye contact.”

I didn’t need eye contact to compel, but it certainly made it easier and most Moroi—non-spirit users who weren’t abnormally gifted in compulsion—did require eye contact. Compulsion wouldn’t work very well on a group like this, though. They were too widespread. It was easy back in the parking lot when they were chasing us because the three I’d compelled had been practically on top of each other. To pull off something like this? Well, I wouldn’t say it was impossible as I hadn’t ever tried something of that magnitude, but I would definitely need to be fresh, and it would take a lot of concentration.

The Alchemists had Dimitri on his knees by now as well; he wasn’t about to fight them and get a Moroi shot in the head, but he looked pissed. I could see him running through his options in his mind, thinking of all the ways he could possibly get us all out of here. Or maybe he was thinking of all the things that had gone wrong, all that he could have done differently to prevent this. I didn’t think there was much he could have done; none of us had expected the Alchemists to already be on the roof, especially when we had such trouble gaining access.

The helicopter was hovering over the helipad, unable to land with Sheridan standing in the center, but there were two guardians in the open door looking very confused. I started to call out again, to warn Sydney and Rose, but the wind and the helicopter were so loud that they wouldn’t have heard me even if the Alchemist hadn’t cut my warning short by pressing the gun more firmly to my temple.

It would have been too late, anyway. Sydney was already to the top of the ladder. She looked stricken as she gained her feet and took in the sight before her. Rose swung up onto the helipad behind her, looking ready for a fight until she saw how bad the odds were.

“I did warn you, Sydney,” Sheridan called over the din, her own gun drawn and pointed at Sydney. “I told you you wouldn’t get away.”

“Why do you want me so badly?” Sydney demanded. “You have to know now that I won’t ever comply. You know re-education won’t work on me! What’s the point?”

“The point?” Sheridan’s high laugh was cold amusement. “I have a reputation to uphold. No one escapes re-education, Sydney.”

“Except we all did!” Sydney argued. “Not just me. Everyone under your watch escaped. So, why concentrate all of your efforts on me?”

I knew that Sydney didn’t want Sheridan to catch the others but considering how long Marcus had managed to evade Sheridan already, they had a better chance of hiding. Which was why she had come for us. Either way, though, Sheridan’s record was already shattered whether she brought back one escaped Alchemist, or a dozen. Sydney knew this, and I suspected she was just trying to keep Sheridan distracted while she came up with a plan. I had all the faith in the world in her, which was the only thing keeping me even moderately calm since I had nothing.

As if she could read my mind, Sydney’s eyes met mine. Worry and hopelessness and despair disappeared from her eyes with a flash of fire, a spark of inspiration. She gritted her teeth, and turned back to Sheridan.

“Let him go, Sheridan!” Sydney shouted over the roar of the helicopter’s blades. There was a fierceness in her expression, a determination in the harsh set of her mouth, a power in her stance that let me know she was about to pull off something massive.

“Come with me, Sydney, back to re-education, and I will let them all live,” Sheridan said diplomatically, holding one hand out palm up. Then she did the same with her other hand. “Fight this and they all die. Do you want their blood on your hands? Do you want their deaths on your conscience?”

“I have another idea,” Sydney said.

And then she summoned a wall of fire.

Sheridan’s eyes went wide and there were several screams of fear, but I hardly noticed. All I saw was Sydney’s righteous rage and desperation.

“Let him go,” she repeated.

“I can’t do that, Sydney. Not unless you agree to cooperate.” If Sheridan was afraid, she masked it well. Her tone was as calm and cool as ever. “No one just walks away from the Alchemists. You know that.”

The wall of fire rose up higher and moved out from her, closer to the Alchemists holding Rose and Dimitri at gunpoint. They screamed and scurried back, leaving Rose and Dimitri to gain their feet, but there were still seven guns and only two of them, so all they could do was stand there.

“You said I don’t want my friends’ deaths on my conscience,” Sydney called, and her fire encircled all the Alchemists but Sheridan and the one holding me down. There were horrible shrieks of terror that shook me to the core. I knew Sydney was horrified by what she was doing, but she was a damn convincing bluffer. She kept her steely gaze on Sheridan. “You’re right; I don’t. But how about you? Can you live with the blood of your team on your hands?”

Sheridan laughed, but now I could tell it was to cover her uncertainty. She hadn’t anticipated this from Sydney, had genuinely believed that Sydney would just walk back into her clutches without fighting back at the first sign that the rest of us were in danger. She would pay for underestimating her. “You aren’t a killer, Sydney.”

“How confident in that are you? Do you really want to play these odds?” There were more shrieks as the circle of fire grew tighter around the Alchemists. Sydney clenched her teeth in determination, and if I had to guess I would say effort as well. She was using more power than I had ever seen from her before, and she still wasn’t at full strength. “Try me!” she screamed over the shrieks of her captives, the roar of the flames, and the chuff of the helicopter blades. “Test me, and see what I wouldn’t do for him, Sheridan!”

Sheridan began to waver, her sharp gaze flitting from Sydney to the tall circle of flames. Sydney swiped a hand in her direction and a gust of controlled wind made Sheridan stumble back a few steps. She was in the center of the helipad, so she didn’t even come close to falling off, but Sydney’s point was made. I was the only one who knew what a tapped-out witch looked like, so I was the only one who saw her energy waning.

“Okay! Okay!” Sheridan screamed as she regained her balance, gaze locked on the ever-shrinking ring of flames as her people howled in horror. They weren’t burning, but I was certain they could feel the heat. “What do you want from me?”

A visibly impressed Rose was standing closest to Sheridan, and Sydney gestured to her.

“Give your gun to Rose,” she said firmly. “And you.” She glared at the man holding me on my knees. “Let him up. And give your gun to Dimitri.”

“Do as she says,” Sheridan said when the Alchemist with the gun to my head didn’t immediately comply. She held her gun out handle-first to Rose, who walked over to take it from her as I got to my feet. Behind me, the other Alchemist handed his gun to Dimitri. “Now you let my people go, Sydney.”

“I will,” she said, but the flames didn’t die down. The Alchemists in the flame circle were all still armed, but too panicked about the fire—and the magical nature of it—to use their weapons. “But first, I need them to toss their weapons out of the circle, and then I need you to move so the helicopter can land.”

Glaring, Sheridan ordered the other Alchemists to do as ordered and then stepped to the edge of the helipad, half her attention on the gun Rose had trained on her and the other half on Sydney. Once the landing pad was clear, Dimitri signaled for the pilot to bring the helicopter in.

One of the guardians on board hopped out once they landed, looking extremely confused.
“Lord Ivashkov? We’re from Olga Dobrova Academy. We’re under order from Princess Jill Dragomir to see you safely to Court.”

“Thank you,” I said, but when he gestured for me to board, I turned to Sydney instead. Her expression was as fierce as ever, but when our eyes met, I could see how close she was to losing the magic. Spirit was different than human magic, obviously, but I knew what it was to be seconds from tapped out.

“Come on,” I murmured, taking her trembling hand in mine. Sydney didn’t take her eyes off her flames as I led her to the helicopter, or as I climbed in behind her, or even as Rose and Dimitri followed.

Only once the helicopter was in the air, doors closed, and out of firing range did Sydney let go with a gasp. Down on the helipad, the flames died at once, leaving not even a hint of charring on the ground. The other Alchemist—the one who’d held me at gunpoint—rushed to check on his coworkers even as Sheridan stepped to the edge of the helipad to watch us make our escape, an expression of the utmost hatred on her face.

Sydney all but collapsed against me, and I pulled her over to the nearest seat.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” I breathed after I pulled her into my lap. “With the fire. And then to call the wind at the same time?”

I had never seen her control two elements at once. I hadn’t thought it possible.

“Neither did I,” she admitted, drooping so wearily that her forehead was resting on my shoulder. “But I was really pissed off.”

And scared, I thought. Scared to lose me. Sheridan had been talking about killing all three of us if Sydney didn’t cooperate, but Sydney had only been talking about me. I knew, and if Rose and Dimitri had noticed anything through the shock of seeing such a huge, controlled wall of fire, I suspected they knew as well, that Sydney hadn’t meant to exclude them from her bargaining. She had just been running on pure adrenalized instinct. And that instinct was to save me. They likely wouldn’t even blame her anyway, since the guardian doctrine was they come first.

“Would you have done it?” Rose leaned closer to us from the adjacent seat. Slowly, Sydney lifted her head to look at her. “Would you really have killed them?”

“I want to say no. I want to say that I would never take a life,” Sydney said, then hesitated. I wondered if she was thinking of Alicia, whose body had never been found after our showdown with her in Jackie’s old house. It was still unlikely that she had survived Sydney’s spell, the fall down the stairs, and a raging fire. “But if I’m being honest? If they hadn’t done as I asked, if they had tried to kill him?” She paused, met my gaze with teary eyes. “To save Adrian? Yes, I would have burned them all.”

Chapter Text

I could feel spirit starting to obscure my mind again, starting to blot Sydney out, starting to destroy all of my higher reasoning, just as it had Nina’s. I wanted to let go, but it was hard when that power gave me such a heady, glorious feeling.
- The Ruby Circle, 322

Not many had the privilege of landing directly inside of Court, not unless they happened to belong to the queen’s inner circle and in a helicopter sent by the princess. Most flights landed at a nearby airport a little less than an hour’s drive away, or in the busier Philadelphia airport. Naturally, a helicopter landing practically at the front door of the royal palace garnered attention.

It was the middle of the night when we landed, which meant it was prime time for the residents and guests at Court to be out and about. Luckily, not many people were gathered outside of the palace at the moment, so it wasn’t a hassle to get inside. I was sure leaving would be an entirely different story, but that wasn’t my concern at the moment as Rose, Dimitri, Sydney, and I followed a very bewildered looking guardian to the formal throne room, rather it was the group of people who stood awaiting us that concerned me.

Even if Jill hadn’t clearly given Lissa a heads up that we were coming via helicopter—she had to have, or we would never have been able to land here—the Alchemists standing some distance from her in the grand chamber would have. Of course they had sent Sydney’s father, Zoe, and Ian god-damn Jansen because why wouldn’t they? Probably they thought Sydney’s family and the guy they presumed she had had some sort of relationship with—she hadn’t unless you considered using his crush on her to sneak Alchemist intel out of his workplace—would stand a better chance of getting through to her than some random Alchemist. Unlucky for them, Sydney wasn’t easily manipulated. Judging by the fiery flash of her aura, she was also pissed off to see her father and sister who had sent her to re-education. Or maybe, from the way she was staring down Jansen, it was the grown man’s proximity to her solidly underage sister.  

Obviously, Christian was there, smirking as if he thought it was incredibly clever of Sydney and me to get married, along with a number of decorated guardians. It wasn’t a surprise to see a small cluster of Alchemists there. It wasn’t even much of a surprise to see which Alchemists were there, as unpleasant as it was to see them. What was a surprise was the Moroi guests Lissa had apparently summoned to this meeting. My parents were standing behind Christian on the slightly raised dais that held Lissa’s throne.

I expected Rose and Dimitri to leave our sides immediately and take their places next to Lissa and Christian as their head appointed guardians. They stayed with us, though, and I heard Dimitri sigh when I addressed Lissa.

“Why, Your Majesty. This is quite the wedding reception you’ve thrown together here,” I said. “You shouldn’t have.”

It was a joke, but I was also a little serious about it. She shouldn’t have brought my parents here, or allowed Jared Sage through the gate.

“Lord Ivashkov,” Lissa said formally, gesturing me forward. “Please, join us.”

If looks could kill, I’d have dropped dead at Jared Sage’s stare as we approached. I did my best to smile blandly at him as I met his cold gaze, but if the hatred swirling within me was any indication, it was likely there was a feral edge to my expression. I didn’t need the quick flash of a warning look from Lissa to remind me that it was very important I not do or say anything too extreme here. In fact, chances were good that Lissa would prefer I not speak or act at all, but I knew she was aware that was never going to happen.

Silently, gripping Sydney’s hand in mine, I walked forward and came to a halt at the edge of the dais.

“It would appear we have much to discuss,” Lissa said, peering down at us. Jared scoffed, and the only indication Lissa gave that she heard him was the slightest tilt of her head in his direction. “The Alchemists, it seems, are concerned that you have kidnapped one of their own. Sydney?”

I looked at Sydney, who glanced at me briefly before turning to Lissa. “Yes?”

Lissa’s smile was tense, but genuinely kind as she looked down at Sydney. “Are you here unwillingly?”

“No,” Sydney said without any hesitation. “In fact, it took a great deal of effort to get here.”

Lissa nodded. “And were you in any way coerced into marrying Adrian?”

“Not at all.” Sydney turned her gaze to me and said simply, “I love him.”

Even under such intense scrutiny and with all this pressure on us, the words and the look on her face made my heart swell. My mouth quirked into a small smile and a pressed a kiss to her temple. “I love you.”

“Well, then. Seeing as your daughter is an adult and perfectly willing to be here married to this man, it doesn’t seem to me that any action needs to be taken here,” Lissa said, turning back to Jared with a small smile. “How relieved you must be to know that she is well and happy and loved after all.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jared sneered. “Hand the girl over, and we’ll be done here.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, Mr. Sage,” Lissa said, her smile dropping and gaze hardening as Sydney’s grip on my hand tightened. “Your daughter is a married woman now, and if she doesn’t want to leave her husband and return to your organization, I can’t force her.”

“Are you aware of how this looks?” Sydney’s father seethed, glaring at Lissa. Every guardian in the room tensed at his tone, but none would move unless he took a step toward her or the queen commanded it. “You sent two of your promised guardians as part of a strike team to raid and raze one of our most important facilities to the ground. This is an act of war. You don’t want that getting out to the public, do you?”

I squeezed Sydney’s hand. He’d said two promised guardians, I realized with relief. That meant he didn’t know about Eddie. That meant Jill was safe. I looked at Lissa, saw her brief flash of relief before she schooled her face into a neutral expression, and figured she must have drawn the same conclusion.

Lissa’s gaze was cold and unaffected as she looked down at him from her throne. “Are you quite finished, Mr. Sage?” she asked. When he didn’t say anything, she inclined her head. “I will address your baseless accusations but once.” I admired the calm, authoritative way in which she spoke to him. I would never have been able to pull it off. I probably would have turned to childish taunts or cursed him out. “I certainly did not send any sort of strike team to wage an act of war against the Alchemists. Guardians Hathaway and Belikov have been on leave and therefore were not acting in my name in any capacity. Their actions will be looked into and they will be held accountable for any wrongdoing found by my people.”

Sydney stiffened beside me, her hand clenching mine tightly. I squeezed her back, hoping to comfort her. Lissa was bluffing; I would have known that even if I couldn’t read it in her aura. Rose and Dimitri would probably have to fill out some paperwork for this, but they wouldn’t suffer so much as a slap to the wrist.

“Furthermore, it is my understanding that the fire which unfortunately destroyed your building was set by a group of rebel Alchemists that your organization has been well aware of and actively searching for for some time now. We do not accept responsibility for your organization’s misfortunes, though I do find it curious that there are those who have been so wronged that they would turn what seems to have started out as a simple scouting mission into an act of arson. Perhaps you should be grateful that these rebels and my guardians were so generous and selfless as to evacuate your people from the building before it collapsed, given the horrors uncovered there.”

“You don’t know what you’re–” Jared started, still sneering.

“Do you, Dad?” Sydney interrupted. Sydney knew it was relatively uncommon for someone to interrupt the queen’s conversation in such a formal setting, but she was also the most qualified person to speak to her father at the moment. No one moved to correct her. Quite the contrary; everyone in the room followed Lissa’s lead and turned their attention to her. “Do you know what you’re talking about? Did you know what they were doing to me there? To all of us?”   

“Shut your mouth,” Jared said, taking half a step towards her. “Right now, you foolish girl.”

“What are you going to do? Hit me again?” Sydney said, jutting her chin out defiantly. I stiffened, noticing from the corner of my eye, the way Zoe flinched. Again? “It won’t be as easy this time. I’m not cuffed and alone. I’m not surrounded by men with guns and worried that one wrong move would have you turn around and track down the guardian who had become a best friend to me, and make me watch you put a bullet in his head. I don’t think my husband or our friends would take very kindly to it, either.”

I knew Sydney didn’t need me to defend her, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to. I also knew she was choosing her words intentionally, openly referring to guardians as her friends, and Eddie as another victim of the Alchemists’ cruelty, as a way to ingratiate her to the Moroi and dhampirs she would have to spend a great deal of time around for the foreseeable future.

“Hold your tongue, child,” Jared hissed, then turned his glare to me. “Husband.” He scoffed and spat at my feet. “Abomination.”

“They chained me to a table,” Sydney said loudly as if he hadn’t spoken, jutting out her arms to show off her bruised wrists. The concealer Rose had painstakingly covered her bruises with had long since faded, worn away by sweat and other factors in all the commotion of the afternoon. “Cold, hard steel. Naked and freezing and watched over by strange men and cameras. Injected—” she turned her arm over to show the needle marks still bruising the tender skin in the crooks of her elbows “—with god only knows what drugs. Showed pictures of the people I love—Adrian and our friends—while they physically tortured me, trying to get me to fear them. Did you know about that, Dad?”

“It was all done to help you,” Jared said, completely unaffected. Behind him, there were unshed tears glistening in Zoe’s horrified eyes and even Ian looked a little disturbed. “To free you of the hold this creature has over you.”

I was trembling, though when Sydney slid her hand back into mine and leaned against me, I forced myself to steady. For her. She needed me. Spirit swirled close to the surface in me and I had to fight to keep it in check. The guardians lining the walls shifted uncomfortably. Even Lissa’s regal mask slipped a bit toward horror, though she disguised it well.

Sydney nodded, a tiny, disgusted smirk on her lips. “Yeah, of course you knew.”

Her father took another agitated step toward us. “You are coming with us. You are an Alchemist and you are my daughter and one way or another we are going to purge you of your sins.”

He reached out a hand as if his plan was to snatch her away from me. I heard movement behind me even as I stepped in front of Sydney. “Don’t even think about touching my wife,” I snarled.

Jared Sage was tall for a human, but I was taller. He was cold ire, but I was burning with rage. He was a cunning and cruel man, but I was Spirit. I was Power. It was coursing through me, ready to explode out of me and cut him down and anyone else who tried to take her from me again.

“Adrian,” Lissa said sharply, no doubt sensing the spirit I was barely holding back, seeing it in my aura. I ignored her and kept my gaze locked on Jared Sage.

“Back away from her,” I said. I didn’t recognize my own voice; I didn’t even realize I was using compulsion until he stumbled back, incapable of disobeying. “Don’t ever come near her again.”

“Adrian.” There was a hand, soft and warm on my back. “Adrian, stop.”

“Sydney,” said another quiet female voice very close by. “You should get away from him. I’ve been through this with Liss. It’s not safe.”

“Let go of me, Rose!” said the first girl amid the sounds of a small scuffle and the light touch fell away from my back. A face appeared in front of me a moment later, wide frightened eyes like molten gold, honey-colored hair swept back from a pale face, sharp angular collarbones protruding above the neckline of a white dress.

You can make this problem disappear, said a cold voice in my mind.

“Adrian, look at me.” Small hands, soft and warm and steady on my face.

You are better equipped to fix this than the girl queen, sneered Aunt Tatiana, The child on my throne. You are a god. Let them see.

“Adrian, you’re stronger than this.” The hands on my face grew more insistent, drawing me down. “Please let it go.”

“Sydney?” I said, blinking. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t recognized her. Sydney, my love, my life, my wife.

“Stay with me, Adrian,” she whispered.

I wanted to, but spirit was drawing me back in. Already she was fading from my recognition. I felt spirit building again, clawing at me, dragging my consciousness down beneath the wonderful depths of my own power.

“It’s so much,” I gasped.

A pair of lips, soft and sweet and a little bit chapped, brushed mine. “Adrian.” It was a breath against my mouth. “Don’t let it take you from me.”

And then, barely a second before spirit managed to consume me, I let go of the magic and kissed her back. She sighed shakily and slipped her arms beneath mine to snake around my waist and pressed her hands, trembling now, to my back.  

Overwhelmed, I clutched her to me, crushed her against my body. I felt ashamed. I had never come that close to being completely consumed by spirit before, not even when it had completely depleted me after reviving Jill. Not even when I had been raving drunk and trying to break into a pawn shop to get back Aunt Tatiana’s jewel.  

“This is preposterous,” Jared said. I looked away from Sydney, ready to throw a punch if he tried to grab her again—it didn’t seem wise to reach for spirit now—but he kept his distance. “This is an outrage, this is…”

“Out of your hands?” Lissa offered demurely. “Your daughter has married Lord Ivashkov. She may not be in my possession, being a sentient being and all, but as long as they both choose to remain married, she will remain under my protection. Therefore, this is out of your hands, Mr. Sage. Your organization no longer has any power over Sydney Sage.”

“Ivashkov,” Sydney corrected quietly. All eyes turned to us where we were still clutching each other for support. “My name is Sydney Ivashkov.” She said it casually, like she was introducing herself for the first time. In a way, she kind of was. She turned her gaze to her father. “Did you want to see our marriage certificate?”

“We have pictures, too,” I said, trying to pretend as though I hadn’t just nearly lost my mind in front of everyone here. I didn’t know where the little disposable camera Rose had bought was, but I definitely wanted those pictures. “They’re not developed yet, but we can send you copies later if you’d like.”

My father-in-law apparently did not want our pictures. Growing redder by the second, he glared at us, mouth opening and closing for several moments, before he wheeled back around to Lissa.

“You don’t want the Alchemists for an enemy,” Jared Sage threatened, practically spitting with rage.

“You’re correct. I do not.” Lissa arched an eyebrow primly, looking entirely undaunted by his threat. “No more than the Alchemists want my people for enemies. Perhaps it’s best all around if we avoid such a travesty.”

“You are a child. You do not understand the intricacies of…”

Lissa held up a hand and a number of guardians shifted in immediate response. Jared cut himself off to look around in obvious fear. They believed we were lesser beings, but they were still terrified of us, and Lissa’s silent show of power made a strong point.

“I am no child. I am a queen. Clearly, you are incapable of remaining respectful, so I believe this is as good a place as any to end this meeting.” She turned her attention to one of the guardians near the door. “Glen? If you and your people would make sure Mr. Sage and the others are escorted safely from the property?”

One of the guardians near the door stepped forward, gesturing for a few others to join him as they ushered the Alchemists away from the queen. Ian put his arm around Zoe, and Sydney snapped, turning and breaking my hold on her as she surged forward.

“Ian!” she called out. I followed her, and felt more than heard, Rose and Dimitri shadowing us. All three Alchemists froze and turned to us; Jansen looked ready to piss himself with all the attention suddenly on him. “You’re twenty-three years old. She’s sixteen. If you lay a finger on my little sister, I’ll kill you myself. I don’t care who I’ll have to go through to do it.”

It was clear he didn’t want to look weak in front of those he perceived as lesser beings, creatures of darkness, now potential enemies. But what Sydney had done on the helipad had been huge and terrifying; there was no chance Sheridan and her team hadn’t reported it. He dropped his arm and took two shuffling steps back from Zoe, who stared, shocked and tearful, at her sister.

“Probably not great to add death threats to this particular meeting’s agenda,” Rose said under her breath.

“Shut up,” I mumbled back. I knew that Rose was only thinking of the added trouble for Lissa, but now wasn’t the time to remind her about what Sydney watched Carly go through. And this was even more personal as Ian likely felt jilted by Sydney and would potentially get some sick sense of satisfaction from scoring her impressionable little sister instead.

“You are as much of an abomination as your so-called husband,” Jared spat at her. “You’re no daughter of mine.”

“That’s okay. No matter what I did, I never could live up to your expectations anyway,” Sydney said with shrug as her father turned on his heel and stormed away with Ian right behind him.

To my surprise, Zoe lingered for a moment, still staring at Sydney, who stared right back. It was as if they were having a wordless conversation or saying goodbye.

“Zoe! Come!” Jared snapped from the doorway.

Zoe jumped and breathed a shaky, “I’m so sorry,” clearly meant only for Sydney to hear before her expression melted into that carefully schooled neutral all-business expression that the Alchemists often wore. Then she turned and walked in a measured step after her father.

Sydney waited until the door closed on Zoe’s retreating figure before she turned away. Our gazes met, and I was reminded of my promise to her not even a week ago, that I would do whatever was in my power to help her get Zoe out once Sydney was safe. It looked like we were definitely going to be working on that at some point in the near future.

“I actually think that went well,” Christian said from his spot slightly behind Lissa. “All things considered.”

I slid my hand into Sydney’s and turned to find Lissa looking at Christian with one quirked eyebrow. Her hand rose to cover the hand he had resting on her shoulder. She turned her attention back to us as I led Sydney closer.

“Lissa, thank you so much. You have no idea—” I started to say, but she held up a hand and cut me off.

“Don’t, Adrian. You do not understand how much trouble you may have just caused me,” Lissa said, moving her hand to rub her temples as she studied me. “Or maybe you do.” She sighed. “In all honesty, I can’t say I would have done any differently in your shoes. I am happy for you, truly, but right now I need to think.” She paused and studied me and Sydney. “You need blood, and you both need food and sleep. Go, we’ll get you set up in guest housing until we can figure out something more suitable and—”

“Hold on a moment,” my father said suddenly, addressing Lissa with an accusatory gesture towards Sydney and me. “You can’t really recognize this union. She’s a human. Nothing like this has ever been done in civilized Moroi society and you’re going to treat it as real?”

“Lord Ivashkov,” Lissa said, looking very much like she needed the aforementioned sleep as badly as Sydney and I did. “It seems very real to them, and as there are no laws against such a marriage, there is nothing I could do to help you even if I wanted to. And, for the record, I do not. As long as Sydney and Adrian are both happy with this perfectly legal union, that’s good enough for me, and it will have to be good enough for you.”

“I thought you were just playing along to get those Alchemists out of here! There’s no way you can act as though this is a legitimate marriage. A Las Vegas elopement!” He paused to glare at Sydney and me. “No son of mine will be—” He froze, staring at Sydney, and then came swooping down the steps towards us. He actually had the audacity to grab Sydney’s hand. “I recognize these jewels. They are your aunt’s. They are a royal heirloom. How dare you! To have the nerve to put a queen’s fortune on the hand of this … this … feeder!”

“Dad,” I said sharply, tugging Sydney away from him and stepping in front of her yet again. I may have just nearly passed out in front of everyone, but his words gave me a surge of angry energy. “I’ve always made it a rule in my life not to pick fights with children, cute animals, or ignorant old men. I will, however, make an exception for you if you ever touch or insult my wife again.”

“Nathan.” Now my mother moved toward us, sidling up beside my father. I remembered our last conversation before I left—had it really only been a little over a week ago—and steeled myself for even more condemnation. I told myself it didn’t matter; for months in Palm Springs Sydney had been the only person I could rely on and I knew she was all I needed now. My mother kept her voice low, but I knew everyone in the room could still hear. “She’s your daughter-in-law now. Show some semblance of respect.”

“I will do no such thing!” My father spat, his gaze still locked on me. “This is preposterous, not to mention insulting. This is—”

“What our son wants.” My mother cut him off firmly, turning from him to look at me. “And I will always stand by my son.”

I met my mother’s eyes and was almost overwhelmed by the swell of emotion that hit me. Sydney was all I needed, but that didn’t lessen the relief that swept over me at the insinuation that my mother wouldn’t abandon me again. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who regretted how badly our last conversation had gone. Or maybe now that she had seen the lengths I’d gone to for Sydney, she finally understood what I meant about real, true love. Regardless of her reasoning for coming to my defense, I was surprised by the public show of defiance.

“For God’s sake, Daniella,” my father hissed, glaring at her without so much as an attempt to disguise his contempt for her. “Don’t add one more stupid mistake to the list of those you’ve already made. Now, if you want to come home with me tonight, be quiet and—”

“No,” she said shortly, cutting him off again. “I actually don’t want to go home with you tonight or ever again for that matter.”

“You have no idea what you’re saying,” he growled. “Or what the consequences will be.”

“Actually, Nathan, not being dimwitted, I understand it all perfectly. Don’t worry, I’m sure your little assistant will happily continue keeping your bed warm while I get to know my new daughter-in-law.” She stepped away from him to stand beside me and Sydney, who had silently protested me putting myself in front of her by stepping up beside me to face my father.

Brilliantly and happily surprised, I faced Lissa, who looked shocked that the day’s events had somehow taken a turn into the dissolution of my parents’ sham marriage. “It appears my mother may be in need of accommodation as well.”

“So it would seem,” Lissa said. She studied me for a moment, and I knew she was reading my aura. Seeing that I was at peace with how this was going, she smiled tiredly and nodded. “It will be done. Rose, Dimitri, see to it that these three get safely to guest housing.”

“If you think I’ll be funding any of this, you’re all out of your minds,” my father spat, taking another step closer. I could feel Sydney bristle next to me; she accepted my own jokes about my sanity, but she had always taken offense to other people commenting on it.

“Don’t worry, Dad. We don’t want your money,” I said. I wasn’t sure what we would do for money, but that was a problem for another day. As long as Sydney and I had each other—and my mother, too, now, apparently—we would be okay.

Chapter Text

“Love is …” An old memory with Adrian came back to me, and some of the turbulent emotion I always carried within me these days welled up in my chest. It was stupid, feeling so lovesick when he’d been gone less than a day, but I couldn’t get him or the ways he described love out of my head. “… a flame in the dark. A breath of warmth on a winter’s night. A star that guides you home.”
- Sydney Sage
The Fiery Heart, 131-2

It was well into the night by the time we left the palace and now that the helicopter had departed, a small crowd had gathered under the bright floodlights; apparently, word had spread that something big was going down. Most of the people there were just random socialites and hangers-on, but some of them I knew. Wesley Drozdov and his friends were there, the ones who had tried assaulting Sydney last time we were here together; they watched us pass by with judgmental smirks. The only indication that Sydney noticed them was that she clutched my hand a little tighter. A short distance from them, I was surprised to see Nina watching us with sad, confused disappointment. I had known she was interested in me when we’d first met and had only grown more and more convinced of her crush the few times I had seen her since, but I didn’t realize how strong her feelings were until I walked past her with my wife, both of us still obviously in our wedding attire, and saw how crushed she was. Had I realized before, would I have said something to let her down easy? I couldn’t say for sure, but there was nothing I could do about it now, so I simply sent her a soft smile and kept walking.

There weren’t too many people just out and about—most of them seemed to have been congregated outside of the palace—but everyone we did pass stared at us in utter shock. The fact that Sydney, who still looked like an Alchemist with her gold tattoo though it was already beginning to fade to silver, was wearing a wedding dress and walking hand-in-hand with me wearing a tux was bound to attract a ton of attention. As little known as I may have been outside of Court, here I was a pretty recognizable figure and people knew me even if I didn’t necessarily know them back.

When we made it to guest housing, Sydney heaved an audible sigh of relief as we left behind all the gawkers. Even I felt a weight lifted off my chest as I pulled her closer in the relative privacy of the lobby, and I didn’t usually take issue with having attention on me. Sydney and I hung back leaning against the wall just inside the entrance while Rose, Dimitri, and my mother approached the front desk. Ignoring the curious gaze of the woman finding us our accommodations, I wrapped my arms around Sydney’s waist and pulled her close.

“We made it. We’re safe now,” I whispered into her hair as I sagged against her.

“From the Alchemists, anyway,” she murmured against my chest. “Your father isn’t the only one who’s not happy with our marriage.” She lifted her head to look at me. “I don’t need to be able to read auras to know that most of the people we passed were disgusted by us.”

I didn’t bother trying to argue with her; she was right, and she knew it. “They’ll get over it,” I said. They would have to. I’d meant what I’d told her in the bathtub in Vegas. I was completely committed to this marriage, and I knew she was as well. There would be no dissolution of our union, and it wasn’t like we could come and go freely now that we were wanted by the Alchemists. As long as they had it out for us, we were stuck at Court and everyone here who didn’t like us being together had no choice but to deal with it.

Sydney looked doubtful, but there was no time for her to argue as Rose and Dimitri, with my mother just behind them, rejoined us.

“Good news all around,” Rose said. “They had exactly two rooms open, both of them suites, and right across the hall from each other. Happy honeymooning.” She paused and shot my mother an uncertain shrug. “And, uh, happy divorce.”

“Yes, well.” My mother nodded demurely, as if she hadn’t disliked Rose on sight the moment she met her. To be fair, that had more to do with her not approving of our relationship than genuinely disliking Rose. “Thank you.”

“We will come along to get you settled,” Dimitri said, though he handed Sydney the two key cards that presumably went to our suite. My mother had hers in hand already. He led the way to the elevator and gestured us all inside. It reminded me of the way Rose had followed Sydney around when we had first gotten here to work on the Strigoi vaccine, only then we’d been desperately trying to hide our relationship from her. Now, I had my wife pulled flush to my body as I leaned heavily in the corner of the elevator. “Obviously you do not have many belongings here, but we will see to that in time.”

“Thank you. But for now, I think we just need to rest,” Sydney said, and then her hand squeezed mine where it was resting on her waist. “Oh! Adrian needs to see the feeders. He hasn’t had blood in days and the amount of spirit he’s been using takes a lot out of him.”

“I’m fine,” I protested weakly, but they all acted like I hadn’t even spoken. It was for the best, really, because I was not actually fine.

“The woman at the front desk said she would call the feeders and have one sent up,” Rose said, eyeing Sydney with an apologetic frown. “Sorry about that, but I thought it would be better than having to go stand in line.”

She was right about that. There was almost always at least a little bit of a wait to see the feeders. And after seeing how many people had been standing outside the throne room to see and judge us, it was safe to assume there would be a ton of people watching us at the feeders as well.

I was about to tell Rose that I didn’t care, that she could wait here with Sydney and I would go down to the feeders with Dimitri when Sydney shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“Really?” Rose asked, frowning at Sydney as my mother watched on in mild interest. “I didn’t think you were cool with that kind of thing.”

“I knew he required blood when I fell in love with him. I can deal with it.”

I tightened my grip on her and rested my head on hers, relief and love and awe and exhaustion overcoming me. After all that we had been through, my need for human blood wasn’t going to come between us now.

As Rose had said, my mother ended up in a room right across the hall from the suite Sydney and I got set up in. I could see that she wanted to speak to me, but the adrenaline rush from finally standing up to my father was long gone by the time we made it off the elevator. She let herself into her room after pausing to rest a hand on my cheek in a tender, loving, very maternal way I couldn’t remember receiving from her in a long time.

Our room, Rose was telling us, was a small suite with a large sitting room, a fully functioning—if small—kitchen, and a large private bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. She was telling Sydney that the jet tub was huge and had more than enough room for two people when I collapsed onto the plush couch with a sigh of relief. The next thing I knew, Sydney was standing over me, her hand soft on the side of my throat.

“Adrian, the feeder’s here.”

When I focused on her and struggled to sit up, she backed away and I saw a dazed young man standing in the entryway with Dimitri. Rose was nowhere to be found, but she had probably reported back to Lissa and left Dimitri to see to it that we had everything we needed. Or maybe she had finally gone to get her injuries checked out, I thought, suddenly realizing that Dimitri had a tender-looking black eye and dried blood on the corner of his mouth and under his nose. Vaguely, I thought I should at least offer to heal him myself.

But then the feeder was walking forward, arm extended in giddy anticipation of the high I would bring him, and I forgot everything else when he pressed his wrist to my mouth. I bit down obediently. The hot gush of blood was an instant balm and I felt more like myself as I closed my eyes and finally drank. When I was finished, feeling flushed and refreshed, I opened my eyes to find that Sydney hadn’t left the room like I’d expected, nor had she looked away. The smile she sent me as Dimitri led the dazed man to the door was tight, and I wasn’t sure if it was due to discomfort or worry.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Dimitri said, hand on the door handle as I slowly got to my feet and Sydney turned to face him. “If you need anything, you can call down to the desk and they will see to it if they can or get word to us if they cannot.”

“Thank you, Dimitri,” Sydney said and slipped her arm around my waist as I came to stand beside her. “For everything you’ve done for us. Tell Rose, too.”

“Of course.” Dimitri’s smile was soft and serious as he stepped out into the hall. “We are both just glad you’re safe now.”

When we were finally alone, Sydney led me to the bedroom. She and Dimitri must have brought Jackie’s duffel bag in while was passed out, and it looked like Sydney had unpacked the few items of clothing we’d brought with us. There was a pair of black jeans hanging next to a white t-shirt in a small closet and my tuxedo jacket was hanging right alongside them. I didn’t remember taking it off, but realized I was down to my white dress shirt.

The sensible suit I had worn in Death Valley and had changed out of to put on my wedding tux was folded neatly on top of the dresser next to the shorts and turquoise t-shirt she had changed into at the hotel. I had to assume it was our pile of clothes that needed to be laundered. We would need more clothes. Like. Tomorrow. Or at least by the next time we planned to leave the suite.

As it was, I wouldn’t object if we had to walk around naked for the few days. The bed in the center of the room was huge like all the beds here were, bigger than the queen size in the Palm Springs apartment, and I was suddenly eager to make use of it.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Sydney asked in a hushed tone. She was already unbuttoning my shirt for me. It was clear she wasn’t trying to be seductive about it, but the blood and the unintentional powernap had done a lot for me, and I was raring to go.  

“If you’ll join me,” I murmured, sliding my hands over her hips and pulling her closer. Her fingers, trapped between our chests, stopped working on my buttons.

“Adrian,” she whispered and freed one hand from between us to trace her fingers over the skin below my eyes. “You’re so exhausted.”

I kissed her, a long, drawn-out, passionate melding of our mouths that made the blood sing in my veins. “I’m never too exhausted for you,” I said. I still didn’t feel one hundred percent better—it would be days, maybe weeks, after so much consistent spirit use—but I certainly felt fine enough to consummate our marriage.

She didn’t argue with me—I would have been pretty surprised if she had—or make any move to stop my hands as I felt blindly around the back of her dress for a zipper or buttons or any way to get her naked. What I found was a silk ribbon zigzagging down the length of her back like an old-fashioned corset. In all the excitement and terror and running for our lives, I hadn’t had a chance to properly take in the full view of her dress from every angle. Even the twirl in the shop had just been an attempt to distract her from the worry.

“You are so beautiful,” I murmured, kissing her bare shoulder as she turned her back to me so that I could see what I was doing with the ribbon.

“You make me feel beautiful,” she said, smiling at me over her shoulder.

She didn’t have the most realistic self-image when we first met, had believed she needed to be thinner, more statuesque, more like the Moroi she had, at the time, feared somewhat. She had gotten very upset with me once when I’d pointed out that she was verging on an eating disorder and could even stand to put some weight on. That was before we were together, and since then I had always done my best to be more delicate about her relationship with food and the way she viewed her body. To hear that I made her feel beautiful? Well, that made me feel like I had at least done something good for her. 

“Good. You are.” I kissed the top knot of her spine, following the dress as I let it fall until I was on my knees, my lips pressed to the base of her spine. “Beautiful and sexy.”

And mine, all mine, for the rest of our lives. As I was hers.

“And sweaty,” she said turning around to look down at me. She had foregone a bra beneath the dress and I relished the view as I pressed my lips to the taut skin of her belly when she laid her hands on my shoulders to balance as she carefully stepped out of the dress. Her panties were white and lacy and almost completely see-through. “Adrian, get up. We were running all over Vegas for hours. I probably stink.”

I ignored her, hooking my fingers in her panties and tugging them down. I quirked an eyebrow and grinned up at her as she stepped out of them without complaint. “Is that your way of gently telling me that I stink? Because I have no complaints about you.”

“You are so full of it,” she said, but her hands shot to my hair when I dropped a kiss on her hipbone and let my hands wander high, high, high up her inner thighs before I shifted to grip her by the ass and pull her closer to me.

“Full of love, maybe,” I murmured, and licked her.

“Lust, more like,” she gasped, but didn’t push me away. Instead, her grip on my hair tightened almost to the point of pain as I continued to lap her up like the sweetest cream.

“Mm, yeah. That, too,” I said, and dragged my tongue up to her clit. Her breath sobbed out of her, chest heaving when I rolled the sensitive little bud over with my tongue in the same instant that I slid two fingers inside of her.

She let out a little squeal and her entire body trembled and rocked as she nearly lost her balance and fell over. Her hands gripped my shoulders to steady herself when I pulled back and looked up at her. Her face was flushed, chest heaving, and I could see that she did not want me to stop.

Spotting a plush armchair near the window, I got to my feet and pulled her over to sit her down before I sank to my knees before her and pulled her hips to the very edge of the seat. She heaved a quiet, but desperate groan when I returned my mouth and fingers to my task, and her hands shot back to my hair.

Had it really only been this morning we had done this exact thing in the Vegas hotel bathroom? After months apart, even going hours without our hands and mouths on each other seemed like ages. We had always been pretty desperate for each other back in Palm Springs, had thrown ourselves at each other with blinding passion at every possible moment since our moments alone together had been few and far-between. I wondered excitedly what it would be like to actually live together and be able to be together in whichever way we wanted, whenever we wanted. I was ready to find out.

I didn’t want her to come too soon, but I did want her to come hard, so I took my time with it—we weren’t in any rush, not this time, not anymore—and slowly worked her up to a frantic state. It wasn’t until her breath was sobbing out of her, little gasps of oh, god and please and Adrian coming every few seconds that I finally wrapped my lips around her clit with a firm, insistent pressure and crooked my fingers just right to give her release.

She shuddered and gasped and moaned, and her fingers gripped my hair tightly, hips bucking up towards my face as if she could possibly get any closer.

After, when I stood up intending to offer her a hand up, her hands went to my belt, deft little fingers working the buckle open. I was rock hard already, and my cock sprang forward the second she tugged down my pants and boxer briefs. I hummed in relieved pleasure when she wrapped her fingers around me, but I stopped her after only a few quick strokes.

She looked up at me, confused when I pulled her to her feet and started to lead her into the bathroom. “Not yet. I want …” I knew we couldn’t have sex; I still hadn’t gotten any condoms. Somehow, that task had slipped my mind again when I’d broken away from the rest of them to franticly planning our wedding. But I still wasn’t ready for it to be over, and I knew already that I was going to fall asleep within minutes of her getting me off.

I took a second to look around after I flipped on the bathroom light switch. I’d stayed in guest housing many times before, as recently as six or so months ago when Sydney and I had been here to help out with the anti-Strigoi serum, but the rooms I typically got set up in weren’t built for extended stays with fully functional kitchens and jacuzzi tubs big enough for five people and a shower the size of a walk-in closet with a rainfall showerhead hanging from the middle of the ceiling and a mounted showerhead on gleaming white tile walls on either side of the shower. It was a shower built for two. It was a shower meant for sex, in my opinion, and the wide clear glass door promised a nice view if I happened to need the bathroom when my wife was showering.

The tub was promising, but tonight the huge fancy shower was really calling to me. Sydney followed me without any coercion when I stepped into the shower. The water was already warm when I flipped all the levers and we were surrounded in a cloud of steam almost instantly. Sydney wrapped her arms around me from behind, pressing herself to my back and distracting me from my task as I reached for the generic staff-provided shampoo. I poured a generous amount in my hand before I turned in her arms to face her.

“Again?” Sydney smirked and shook her head at me but didn’t object as I began to run my sudsy hands through her hair. “I think I’m discovering that you’ve got a bit of a bathing me kink.”

“You’re the one who told me I smell bad. I took that to mean you wanted to bathe me and that I should return the favor,” I said, but she wasn’t wrong. I could easily see this turning into a thing that we did all the time. Any excuse to run my hands all over my sexy, soapy, slippery wife.

“I said I smell bad, not you,” Sydney pointed out, her eyes closing as I massaged her scalp.

“Still not true, but all the more reason to rub you down if you feel that way,” I said. Her eyes opened, a sly look in them, when I began to do just that with soapy hands. If I focused a little longer on her breasts, well, who could blame me? Not Sydney; that was made clear as she arched her back, pressing herself further into my hands when I brushed my thumbs over her nipples.

I dropped to my knees in front of her to wash her all the way from her ass—where, admittedly, my hands lingered longer than strictly necessary—to her feet. I didn’t even notice her reaching for the shampoo, I was so focused on her, until she began to massage it into my scalp. I stood slowly, heart rate quickening as she ran her soapy hands over my chest, down my back, raked her fingernails through the suds on my abdomen. When she gripped my stiff cock, I groaned loudly. My breathing was ragged a few seconds later when I turned her around and pressed her not exactly gently against the tile.

“Okay, you’re right. This is definitely a kink now,” I said harshly in her ear.

I took her wrists in one hand and held them above her head pressed to the wet shower wall and leaned my chest against her back as she pressed her ass against me. She cried out when my other hand dipped between her legs and I slid two fingers into her without any preamble—she was already dripping wet and ready, or maybe she had never stopped being ready after I ate her out in the bedroom—while my thumb went straight for her clit.

Too late it struck me that she might not be into me restraining her like this after all she’d been through. “Is this okay?” I breathed into her ear from behind, flexing my grip on her to indicate what I was checking in on as my other hand continued to work her. I mean, I wanted to make sure that all of it was okay, but mostly the restraint.

“Oh god yes,” she groaned and ground her ass more insistently into my already painfully hard cock. I pressed my face to her wet hair and moaned, thrusting against her. What I wouldn’t give to just bend her over a little further and slide in and pound into her here in the shower until we both came. But she was right earlier; we were both exhausted and already she was showing signs of her legs about to give out and I wasn’t totally confident that I had the strength to hold her up and maintain my own balance in my current state. Plus—I had to keep reminding myself—no condoms.

“Are you going to come for me, baby?” I whispered into her ear.

She stiffened, then her hips bucked against my hand, and she cried out and came fluttering around my fingers. I released her wrists when she went limp with a little whimper and wrapped my arms around her when she slumped back against my chest.

When she had recovered, she turned to face me and again looked confused when I stopped her from getting me off. I was basically edging myself here, but I was determined to give her as many orgasms as possible on our wedding night before I became useless to her for the rest of the night. Instead, I pulled her under the spray of water to get us both rinsed off before I turned the water off.

“You called me baby,” she said as we stepped out of the shower. Her legs were a little shaky still, so I happily held her close so she didn’t slip on the tile floor. I hadn’t thought far enough ahead to set the bathmat down before pulling her into the shower. I wasn’t much steadier than her, but it was a damn good excuse to keep my hands on her body.

“Oh. Yeah.” I said, eyeing her as I wrapped a fluffy white towel around her, but she didn’t give any indication of her feelings on the matter. “Well, you called me babe back in Vegas, and I actually kind of liked it, so I thought I would try it on you?”

She smiled coyly at me, seeming to catch onto my uncertainty and finding it funny for some reason. “I think it should be pretty obvious that I liked it.”

I cocked my head as I reached for a second towel, running it briefly over my body before I wrapped it around my waist. “Should it?”

“Adrian.” She smirked and chuckled quietly as she gripped me by the towel and pulled me closer to her. “I came immediately after you said it.”

“Well, I guess that’s true,” I said, ducking my head to let her pull me into a searing kiss. “But I kind of thought that was the work of my hands. And my mouth.”

There was already a hickey darkening on her throat. The first and only time I’d given her a hickey, she’d been livid and had threatened to never kiss me again. She’d meant it at the time, but her resolve when it came to not kissing me never lasted very long. I brushed my fingers gently over the light mark, wondering if she would even care now. Our relationship was no longer a secret in any sense of the word, and it wasn’t like we had any plans to go out in public any time soon anyway. I could just heal it if it bothered her, like I’d offered to do the last time as well. After what had happened in the throne room, however, I doubted she would relent and allow me to use spirit for something so trivial. Last time, it had been about my magic touching her. This time, it would be about the darkness threatening to consume me.

“It was your mouth,” she breathed against mine, a smile lighting up her face as she leaned back when I tried to kiss her again. “Only, it was the words coming out of it … baby.”

Yes, I decided, I really liked pet names.

This time when I surged toward her, she met me halfway, her arms coming up around the back of my neck as mine went to her waist to lift her up. Both of our towels fell away, littering the floor in our wake as I made for the bed. I dropped her on the crisp white bedspread and fell on top of her and settled blissfully, painfully, urgently, in the cradle of her hips. I was so close to being where we both yearned for me to be. All I had to do was shift my hips, angle myself a little differently, and slide into her inviting warmth.

No condom, no sex, no condom, no sex, no condom, no sex.

It was a mantra in my head. We certainly had enough complications in our life right now that we did not need a baby brought into it. Not now, anyway.

But she sighed, a sound of pure feminine pleasure that shot straight to my agonizingly hard cock, when I trailed my lips down her throat. My hips shifted not entirely intentionally, and I groaned when my cock brushed against the wet heat of her.

I wanted to keep this going all night. But I needed release. I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t come soon. Sydney leaned up into me and I rolled over onto my back, fully expecting her to settle between my legs and finally ready to let her get me off.

But she scrambled naked, her hair dripping water on the carpeted floor, away from me and I watched—uncomfortably aroused and confused—as she dug through the giant, heavy bag that had miraculously made it all the way here. When she pulled out an enormous box of condoms, I felt my eyebrows furrow. I definitely would have noticed Jackie packing that.

“Rose,” Sydney said with a shrug, noting my confusion. “In Vegas. They were in the bag with the clothes she got me. When you left with Dimitri, she said something about knowing how notoriously bad you are at keeping condoms on hand?”

“Notoriously bad,” I muttered, a little offended as I sat up. “Twice in my life. That’s not terrible odds, all things considered.” Considering my penchant for casual sex before and after Rose.

“Adrian.” Sydney laughed and tossed the box at me. “Shut up and take the condoms.”

“Yes, dear.” She walked over to sit beside me on the bed while I turned the box over in my hands, studying it. It wasn’t my preferred brand, but Rose hadn’t gone for the cheapest option, either. How would she know what condoms I liked, anyway? We never had sex. All in all, they would do the trick.

“Do you think the doctors here will see me?” Sydney wondered as I worked my finger under the flap of the box.

I paused, my task momentarily forgotten as I looked over at her with wide eyes. “Are you sick? Are you hurt?” Jesus God, if she wasn’t feeling well and I was making her think we had to have sex right now … it didn’t matter that it was our wedding night. I would feel like the world’s biggest ass and the worst husband imaginable.

“No.” Smiling, she shook her head. “I want to get back on birth control, and I don’t know if they’ll just fill my prescription from Palm Springs. This is just taking so long.”

“You want me to go faster? I can go faster.” Staring her in the eye, I gripped the box in both hands and ripped it in half. Sydney gasped and protested half-heartedly, laughing a little as condoms went flying around us. I tossed the shredded box aside carelessly, grabbed a foil packet at random, and had the condom on in record time. She shrieked in surprise—then quickly muffled her girlish giggles against my throat—when I pulled her into my lap and shifted so that she was beneath me on the bed once again.

“I should have known you were an expert,” she said, face flushed, eyes gleaming. She was smiling up at me when she brushed my damp hair out of my eyes.

“And for the rest of my life, I’ll always use that expertise to serve you,” I vowed.

“So very selfless of you,” she teased, and drew me down for another kiss.

The kiss ended when we broke off into simultaneous groans as I shifted my hips and she spread her thighs a little further apart. Finally, wonderfully, after so many months of terror and worry and stress for both of us, I slid home inside of her. She gasped quietly as I filled her, and I muffled an ecstatic groan in her neck.

I knew within seconds that I wasn’t going to last very long at all. We were no strangers to quick, hurried, too-brief interludes after our secretive time in Palm Springs, so we knew how to get each other off quickly, and when her nails raked down my back it was clear Sydney didn’t expect me to draw it out. Or maybe she could tell I was close and didn’t want me to feel bad about it. Either way, I gripped her by the hips with both hands, lifting her slightly so I could more consistently hit the spot that drove her crazy.

With a quiet little moan, she pressed her shoulders down into the mattress, supporting herself when I let go of her hip with one hand to focus on her clit. I’d already given her more than one orgasm, but it was a point of pride for me that I always had to feel her come with me inside her before I got off. I had never failed, not even our first time, which had been a bit of a surprise to both of us, I think, since she’d been a virgin at the time.

I was so close already; I wasn’t going to be able to take my time with this one. We were both panting—she was straining towards her orgasm and I was struggling to hold mine back—as I pressed my thumb insistently against her clit, doing my best to find some sort of rhythm with it while I moved almost recklessly, completely out of my control, inside of her.

She came, clenching around me, fingers digging into my shoulders, and I had never known relief so sweet as when I finally, finally let myself go with a loud, bone-rattling groan. It was seconds, minutes, hours, days of blinding ecstasy before I collapsed on top of her, crushing her into the mattress. She didn’t protest; she never did. Her arms came up around me, holding me close, fingers stroking soothingly through my hair and sending pleasurable tingles down my spine, as I fought to regain my senses.

“I love you,” I said once I’d managed to roll off of her. It was true; you could even take away the incredible sex and I would still love her until my dying breath.

“I love you, too,” she said. She was so pretty, flushed and still damp from our shower, and probably a little bit from sweat too. She needed to eat, I realized. Sydney had seen to my need for blood, but neither of us had eaten anything since our turkey sandwiches in the hotel. But her eyelids were already drooping. Food could wait, I decided. But starting tomorrow, it was going to be my main mission to put some of that pre-re-education weight back on her.

I needed to get up, clean myself off, probably get Sydney up to clean herself up, too. She always, without fail, disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes after sex. It didn’t look like she was going to get up and see to whatever it was she saw to without my help tonight, though.

Sex usually invigorated Sydney, and she was almost always even more productive than usual after a couple good orgasms whereas I tended to get extra lazy when I was fully sated. Tonight, though, she curled up with me as we settled back in bed once we had seen to our needs, her head on my chest, legs tangled with mine, and was asleep in minutes. It took me a while longer—the mood stabilizers had played a huge role in helping me fall asleep when I was on them, and this was my first time ever in my life actually trying to fall asleep cuddling my partner without being on my meds. Before, when it had been random people, cuddling hadn’t exactly been a priority after sex. Nor, usually, had sleep. More alcohol, maybe. A cigarette, definitely. Getting the hell out of there, almost always.

The few lust-fueled days we had spent together in the bed and breakfast not far from here had been incredible and I’d been able to indulge myself in more pre-and-post-coital cuddling than I had ever been interested in before. I’d loved every second of it, whenever I’d been able to cajole Sydney into lying still with me for a while. I loved this, too, couldn’t quite fathom how our relationship had evolved so quickly and so drastically from her initially barely being able to stomach being in the same room as me, being reluctant to be alone with me, to now, barely a year later, falling asleep naked and sated and replete and in love with me.

My mind wouldn’t stop working for once as she was the one who rested. All I could think about as I held her close, my hand stroking through her hair, was how the hell we were ever going to get out of guest housing. We would have to. I would be content here for a while; this was my home; these were my people. But I knew Sydney. As grateful as she was for the help, she wasn’t going to be comfortable here forever. She would want a varied life, filled with the Moroi and dhampirs she loved as well as actual human interaction she wasn’t going to get here. Some of the Moroi who were still strangers to her here would be kind to her simply because that was who they were and their queen was allowing her to be here, but most would be dismissive and judgmental and cruel, if not to her face, at the very least behind our backs.

It wouldn’t be long before Sydney grew restless here and began plotting how to be totally free of the Alchemists. She had always wanted to see the world and being stuck in one place for the rest of her life wasn’t going to cut it. I also knew, especially after how weak I’d fallen only a few hours ago, that we were going to find ourselves right back in the age-old debate over my spirit use. She would push, perhaps rightfully so, for me to go back on my medication, but until the Alchemists were dealt with and we had leave to roam freely wherever we chose to go, I couldn’t.

I wouldn’t.

How could I?

How could I give up my power, my ability to help her and protect her, when our situation was still so dicey? She could do incredible things, obviously, had pulled off damn near impossible feats all on her own, but no one was infallible, and I couldn’t sit by helpless when she inevitably decided to start throwing herself into dangerous situations again.

She needs us to protect her, Tatiana cooed.

Ignoring her, I wrapped my arm around Sydney’s shoulders and squeezed my eyes shut tight, doing my best to will myself to join her in sleep. Maybe when I woke up, the only voice in my head would be my own.

My beautiful, powerful god of a boy. I am a part of you. I am inevitable. You cannot block me out.

“I’ll find a way,” I swore quietly.  

I froze, holding my breath as Sydney shifted against me in her sleep, humming quietly. She threw her arm across my stomach and moved her head a bit restlessly until her nose brushed my throat and she stilled, apparently comfortable again, little warm puffs of air hitting my skin as she settled back into a deep sleep.

You are a ghost. You are not real. I will rid myself of you, I vowed silently. She said nothing else. I couldn’t delude myself into thinking she was gone, but I could focus on the very real love of my life currently resting in my arms. My wife, who I would give anything to keep safe.