Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter Notes: This is Stiles' sophomore year in college. He's home on Thanksgiving break.

Stiles’ eyes snapped away from his monitor when the tapping started. As expected, it was Derek. He waved him in.

“Been a while, Derek. You know you are free to use the front door, too, now, right?” he said with fondness.

“Uh, yeah. Haven’t been here since you left for college. Social skills reverting, I guess.” 

Ah, gentle self-deprecation? Stiles suppressed a smile. “Mm-hmm.”

He turned to fully face Derek. Hovering by the window, he seemed a little hesitant. Beautiful, as always, because that was never a thing Stiles could ignore now, but kind of unsure.  Less broody.  Still with the default smolder.  The eyebrows.  Or maybe that was just Stiles’ thoughts. He was back for Thanksgiving for a few days.  He’d seen Derek briefly the day before, but they hadn’t talked. 

“Come in, come in. To what do I owe the pleasure, Der?” 

The last couple of years mellowed things between them; he would even call them friends. Texting didn’t happen often outside of supernatural issues, but they hung out a lot, both with the pack and on their own. To his great glee, he’d uncovered that they had similar tastes in movies and books. Now and then they’d check in while he was at college. It was nice, and way better than being at each other’s throats. About 90% of the time these days, Derek deferred to him in any superhuman shenanigan planning.  For his part, acknowledging his breakable status, Stiles usually relented to allow Derek to keep him well enough protected. They worked well together. Buds. They were buds.

Derek moved to sit on Stiles’ bed, which, yeah, they were friends, but this was a little overly familiar for him. Stiles stopped himself from making a joke out of it, because he didn’t want to spook the easily spooked. Stiles swiveled his chair to face him. “What’s up? Gnomes in the grocery store? Dragon hybrids in the preserve?”

Derek arched an eyebrow and bit at his bottom lip. Huh. That was new. And Stiles tried to force himself to stop watching Derek’s mouth. “It’s nothing like that.”

“Okay.” Stiles waited, tapping his knees to keep his mouth shut.

“I just, I wanted to see you. Talk with you. Since you left for college, I guess I hadn’t realized how much time we’d spent together. How much a part of my life you’ve become. It’s been weird, without you.” He gave a soft laugh, running his hands up and down his face. “You were everywhere, and then you were nowhere.”

Stiles preened. Derek expressing his feelings? And to him, about him? He’d memorialize this day. Also, it was pretty unlike Derek. He didn’t want to scare him off. “Aww, Derek, I’ve missed you, too.”

Derek snorted. “I’m sure not. I know what college is like. Bet you’re having an amazing time - and not thinking about any of us.”

Uh, yeah, it was awesome, especially in sophomore year now that he was comfortable and settled. But he did miss his dad and his friends here. Including Derek. It was hard not to think about Derek. Somewhere along the scary, life-threatening escapades, he’d developed a ridiculous crush on him. Like, his eyes were probably heart-shaped, he was in so deep. He couldn’t nail down when exactly, but at some point, Derek’s bunny teeth became adorable as fuck. Every time he saw Derek, it was like his face was more lickable, his voice sweeter, his rare smile flush inducing. Especially as Derek had semi-thawed, and they’d hung out together more often. Whatever soft wood scent was in his shampoo also drove him a little crazy. Or maybe that was just how he smelled, which would be terrible. But that would stay under wraps. Because fuck his life. Derek was, well, Derek and Stiles was Stiles. He’d seen the people Derek dated, okay? And they were beautiful. And they were women. Well, Scott knew about his crush, but would never say anything. Stiles was relatively in control of his emotions these days and figured Derek wasn’t able to suss him out quite as often with his stupid wolfy nose any more. 

“I mean,” he started, slowly, “I am having a good time there, but I do miss you.” Stiles shrugged a bit, tilting his head. Derek took a deep breath, stretching back as he did so, and Stiles looked away as Derek’s shirt rode up a little. He was not a creeper.

Derek sighed, smiling slightly. “I want to tell you something.” Stiles nodded, picking at a nail that had torn earlier in the day. 

“Stiles, I really missed you.” Stiles stopped picking at his nail, looking up at Derek. What the heck.

“Okay, well, that makes me happy, because, uh, for the third time, I missed you too,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “We can hang out tomorrow. I go back on Sunday, but I’m free most of tomorrow. I mean, if you’re free, too. It’s kind of cold to go to the preserve, but I dunno, we’ll figure it out. Maybe a movie.” 

Derek nodded, relaxing a little. God, he was so beautiful. Sighing, Stiles allowed himself a brief interval where lickable, loveable, and adorable kicked around his mind. Derek leaned back onto his elbows, feet on the ground, and let his knees fall open. Why was he wearing sweats? Since when did Derek wear sweatpants, anyway?  Stiles wished for strength and looked down at Derek’s sneakers.

“I’d, that sounds good. I am free. But, I,” he ran a hand across Stiles’ covers. “I kinda thought this would be hard, but all the words are just ready to spill out of my head.” 

Stiles nodded. Yes, let’s get it out so he could go stick his head in the freezer. “Hey, sure, let it spill. It can’t be that bad. Like, we’ve been through a million terrible things together. You can tell me anything, amigo.” 

Derek smiled. “Okay. I like you Stiles. I like you. I like the person you are. You’ve always had the pack’s back, everyone. You are such a good friend to Scott, even when he, when he wasn’t to you. And to me. I didn’t even notice it happening, but we kept seeing each other and then we didn’t when you left for freshman year. And your scent was all over the apartment, and it was comforting. It was so fucking comforting. And then it faded, and it sucked. The first year you were away it was just like a thing I noticed. And then you were here again all summer and then when you were gone, again, well, it faded. And it was wrong. I missed it so much. I missed you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” 

Derek stopped then and Stiles stared at him. Stiles had been keeping up with the conversation, sort of, but toward the end the words had tripped over themselves in his head. One, it was the most words Derek had said to him at a single time, and two, well. He bounced his knee, causing the chair to creak obnoxiously in the silence, but he couldn’t stop. “What?” is what he ended up saying out loud, looking everywhere but at Derek. 

“I like you… more than pack. You, I feel good around you, you calm me. You’re like, you’re home. I think you see me. Yesterday, when you stopped by after dinner with your dad, I wanted to hold you. I wanted to scent you. And. I wanted to put my mouth on you. I am. Attracted to you. Stiles.” 

He said the last part while shrugging, a ridiculously fond look on his face. Stiles cataloged the way his eyebrows looked like this and then he stopped breathing for a moment. 

He opened his mouth to speak and then stuttered. Started again. “Derek? You know that math lady meme, the 4-panel one, where it’s expressions of confusion as she contemplates some kind of math equations? That’s me right now. I’m the math lady.” And then, “Are you fucking kidding me?” It maybe came out more exasperated than he meant for it to.

“Uh, no. Sorry. I’ll go.” Stiles put a firm hand on his chest as Derek tried to get up. His chest was very warm, he thought absently as he pat it gently.  

“Nope. You are staying right here. Nuh unh.” He breathed to ground himself. Again, he asked, “Are you serious?

Derek nodded. “I want you.”

Stiles blinked. “You want me. You want me?” He laughed somewhat hysterically. What. 

Huh. Well. He moved his hand down to Derek’s, and Derek interlaced their fingers over his knee. Stiles stared at their hands. 

Okay. This was a thing that was happening. He looked back up, taking a deep breath before speaking. “I’ve, uh, I’ve been into you for a while. What is happening. Holy shit.” 

Derek looked, well he looked delighted. His eyes crinkled and his face split into a huge grin. Delighted. Stiles had never seen Derek delighted. This gave him courage to continue. “Um, you’re carved from the gods, of course. That didn't matter because you were an absolute dick. But, after the early years, I figured out you’re actually really kind. And interesting. And you smell good. Like, fantastic. Don’t talk much, but that’s, you know, part of it. So, um, there was no chance for me. I’m ass over heels for you. Or whatever.” He shrugged helplessly. 

“I know this is weird timing, being in college, and you’re so much younger.”

Stiles cut him off, “Shut up, shut up, shut up.  I’m twenty. Tomorrow will be a date now, yeah?”

Derek flushed. He fucking flushed and Stiles watched the color move from his neck to his ears. “If you want it to be.” 

“I want.” He licked his lips. Whelp, since this was a fantasy apparently, he asked, “Do you know what else I want?”

Derek looked at his mouth. Oh. Wow. This was real. Really real.

“Yep. Fuck, Der. That is what else I want.”

Derek pulled Stiles’ chair toward him. “Can I really do this?”

“My god if you don’t I will die, Der. Seriously.” What kind of alien was Derek to even consider he wouldn’t be receptive to some mouth to mouth action right now? He’d imagined this a million times. He knew about kissing. He enjoyed kissing. He’d kissed Amy a lot at that frat party. And James that one time, too. And he was so, so here for this. With Derek.

Derek smiled and leaned in, pressing his lips carefully to Stiles’. Warmth and softness short circuited his brain. Stiles wondered why he assumed they’d be chapped. Derek pulled away to search his eyes and Stiles made an unhappy sound, followed by a drawn out, “noooo, please.”

Derek traced the side of Stiles’ cheek with his thumb and leaned toward him. This time Stiles pressed his lips back against his. Dear god, amazing. Warm. Velvety? Derek kissed him again and opened his mouth so Stiles did the same. Derek’s tongue licked across his bottom lip, and he shivered. 

“Oh my god, Derek.” He climbed off the chair with zero grace onto Derek’s lap, and Derek scrambled to make room. Stiles straddled him in the clumsiest way possible, trying to get his mouth back to where it was so good. Success. This time Derek pressed his tongue inside his mouth, and Stiles licked against it, small breaths escaping him. He sucked a little on Derek’s bottom lip, getting the hang of how to make sweet sounds fall out of his mouth. It seemed like hours as they spent learning what ratcheted up the pleasure hormones. Stiles remembered he had hands and got them into the action, pressing up against his scruff, through his hair, down his neck, over his shoulders. Derek’s hands were doing exploring of their own, and Stiles especially liked it when they were in his hair. 

Derek pulled away, and he took a moment to breathe as Derek kissed his neck. “Stiles, god. You are so fucking gorgeous. So sexy.” Uh, sure. But Stiles wasn’t going to argue with his taste in men when it clearly benefited him. 

“You taste-” he stopped to lick a stripe up Stiles’ neck and Stiles held in a shriek. It was close, though. “You taste better than I imagined.” He flipped them over so Stiles was lying on the bed and moved down his body.

“You’ve imagined me?” It came out shaky.

At his chest, Derek breathed in as if he was committing Stiles’ scent to memory, then rucked up his shirt. “Yes.” Well. Wow. Stiles wriggled out of his shirt, motioning for Derek to do the same. 

Stiles looked, now that he could. “Jesus, Derek.” He stilled, mapping out the skin he could see. Derek let him stare for a moment, apparently decided it was long enough, and leaned back down, mouthing at the skin above his hip. He moved up to Stiles’ chest, all tongue and teeth, running his hands through the hair there. 

Forgetting what his hands were for again, he just put them in Derek’s hair, wondering at the silky feel as Derek licked him near his collarbone. “Unh.” He got out as he pulled at Derek’s hair. “Sorry, sorry,” he said, patting him awkwardly. Oh my god, what was he doing? Stiles regretted having hands.

Derek stopped, sitting back. “Wait.”  

“Wait? Wait why?”

“Maybe, god, maybe we should stop.”

Stiles blinked a few times, calming his mind. “Okay, um, why?”  He tried to keep his eyes on Derek’s face, but they tumbled down to his nipples, his hips, the way his thighs were spread over him.

Derek ran a thumb over his wrist. “This is happening fast, and I, we, haven’t talked about any of it.” 

“Ohhh. Fast is good, fast is perfect. But, yeah, let’s talk. Right now. Let’s talk so we can get back to it. Okay?” He studied Derek’s face for a moment. “Or, uh, oh, is this too fast for you? Do you want to stop, like, full stop?”

“I do not want to stop, Stiles.”  

Stiles gripped Derek’s shoulder. “I, Stiles Stilinski, consent to doing sex things with you. For however long that we can. I want to touch you. A lot. All over the place. And your mouth. Our mouths. I want our mouths. You know. Places. Mouths are cool. No, warm, your mouth is warm. And wet. Give it back.” He lifted his hips in a hopefully sexy grind.  Derek grunted and leaned down, kissing up his neck back to his mouth, grinding back. Yes, back to this magnificence.

“Okay. Me too.” Derek licked at his neck again. “Can I blow you?”

Stiles laughed loudly. Was this his life? “Oh my god, Derek. Whiplash. Hell yeah. Can you. I am here for 100 mph. You have my full permission to do whatever the heck you want. Or I want. Wait. Do we need condoms? No, we don’t. You can’t get or give anything. Nevermind. Continue please.”

Derek was smiling up at him. “For real, Der. Please.” 

Derek made an almost purring sound as he pulled off Stiles’ shorts. Stiles’ hands flew to hover around his boxers, suddenly excruciatingly shy. 

“Um.” He said nothing else though, as Derek moved his hands and breathed against his boxers. Stiles pressed his nails into his palms to try not to make weird noises. He breathed out, looking down. Derek smiled and pulled his boxers off in a quick move. Stiles swallowed. Well, there he was. He couldn’t get more naked than this. His dick. Out there. In front of Derek. He flushed heavily. 

“You are beautiful,” Derek said as he ran his tongue up Stiles’ cock. Holy christ. Okay. Stiles was beautiful? God, Derek was a fucking vision, golden skin against dark hair, his eyes dark. Stiles shivered. He squirmed a little, breathing speeding up. Derek put a hand up and rested it on his chest, almost petting him. Then he closed his mouth over Stiles’ cock. “Ohmygodohmygod” he said, chanting as he watched Derek’s mouth on him. 

“I’m, I’m not going to last long.” 

Pulling off, Derek soothed his hip with his hand. “That is the point.” 

“I wanted to enjoy it for longer. Christ, your mouth is amazing.” Derek laughed softly at that. 

“Well, this can happen again, so let’s get the first one done.” And then Derek kissed and licked at Stiles’ balls before taking his cock in his mouth again. He had one hand on his hip, the other lightly handling his balls while he moved up and down, spending time sucking at the head of his cock. Stiles couldn’t help the little shocks running through his body, trying to not jerk his pelvis up, but Derek kept going, faster, swirling his unbelievable tongue. It built low in his groin and then quickly spread glorious fire through his spine and limbs. He couldn’t talk, but gripped Derek’s shoulder, and Derek started stroking the base of his cock as pleasure shook him. Derek worked him through the cascading waves both with his hand and mouth. Stiles blinked up at the ceiling after he regained capacity to move. Holy hell, blow jobs were amazing. 

He looked at Derek, who’d pulled his sweats off and was stroking himself over Stiles. He had a fucking beautiful dick. And come on his cheek. Stiles wiped it off with his finger and Derek licked it. Stiles whined, “Oh man, you are going to end me.” 

“Can I come on you?” 

“Yes, yes. Yes. Anywhere.”

Stiles put his hand over Derek’s as he worked himself, and Derek’s eyes moved back and forth from there to his eyes. Stiles reached down to cup his balls with his other hand. Derek started making jerky movements and then he came, quieter than Stiles had imagined, warmth cooling quickly across his chest. Derek collapsed to the side, breathing heavily.

They laid there for a bit, catching their breath. Derek wiped his chest with a t-shirt, looking at him when he was done. “Was that, are you ok?”

“Am I ok with amazing sex with you? Yes. Well, ok. It’s shocking. Honestly. Shocking that you want me. Surprising. I am shook and surprised. But uh, come on, more than okay. Are you for real? Amazing. Best time of my life. Are you okay?”

Derek made some kind of sound and pressed himself right up against Stiles. “Yes. I’m, this is the uh, I’m surprised you like me. I, this was. I’m good. This was, god. Good.”

What? Derek is insane. Apparently, Derek has a hard time with words after sex. Stiles smiled, pleased to learn this. He ran his hand along Derek’s arm. “Will you stay?” Derek nodded. 

They stayed awake for hours, talking. Stiles was in awe of how much Derek was opening up to him. It was like a dam had broken. Derek talked about his parents, about Laura, about how much they’d have liked him. About Kate, words that made Stiles wish he could wrap Derek up in cotton wool, instead pulling him tighter, as close as possible. He talked about the future, of wanting to rebuild on the preserve, of the pack, of going back to school. How much he liked Stiles, which was, still, shocking. Stiles listened, marveling at the way Derek unfurled. Throughout, they kissed and touched in interludes. Soft and unhurried, later turning more urgent as Derek took them both in hand and brought them pleasure. After, Derek buried his face in the crook of Stiles’ neck as he continued to talk, like he couldn’t get enough of him. 

As night morphed to morning, Stiles drifted. He rested his hand on Derek’s chest, focusing on his heartbeat, and fell asleep wondering how lucky he was. 

-----

Some time before it should be legal to wake, Stiles registered a pleasant sensation on his scalp. 

“Stiles.”

“Mmm.” He realized it was Derek, his hand running through his hair.

“Hey. I, I’m not sure what’s going on, but Scott has been texting and calling me. Isaac, too.”

“Mmkay.”

“They need me at the apartment.” A kiss was pressed against the side of his head. “I’m going to see what’s happening. I’ll call you later.”

Stiles opened his eyes at that and watched Derek get dressed. “Mmhmm. Gosh, are you real?” He tried to reach for him. 

Derek smiled, leaned down, and kissed him again. “Go back to sleep.” 

Stiles dutifully fell asleep.

Much later, after noon, according to his phone, he woke, taking in his room. His hand flew to his lips, tracing where Derek had been. Holy shit. Derek had put his mouth on Stiles’ dick. Stiles raised the blanket as if staring at his dick would give him the answers to the universe. He let his head fall back as he smiled, giddy as hell the first person he’d done anything with sexually was Derek. Derek, who he had been so into. Who was into him. His heart raced, and he breathed to calm down. He was stupid happy. Holy shit. They were going on a date today. He checked his phone again. No voicemails or texts. He pulled himself into the shower and, once clean, rummaged around in the fridge for Thanksgiving leftovers. He looked outside, realizing his dad had come home at some point. Not up yet, though. 

He could call Scott. No. He could see what movies were out. Or… perhaps they could simply have more sex. 

Chapter Text

His phone rang as he was devouring the last bite of stuffing. “Scotty!”

“Hey Stiles.” 

“What’s going on? Miss me? Can’t handle a day without hearing my voice?” he smirked. 

“Um. So, you were with Derek last night.” 

Warmth flooded his cheeks as he smiled. “Yeah.” 

“Okay. Well. Um. Yesterday, a witch from that group we’ve been having issues with cursed him.” 

He paused halfway to the sink, plate in his hand.

“Okay.”

“Yeah, it was some kind of, I don’t know. He was, he was all over Isaac. Like, trying to kiss him.”

“Yesterday. Isaac.” His stomach rolled. He set the plate on the counter.

“Yeah, but Isaac wasn’t, uh, interested. Derek went for Jackson next, and Jackson didn’t stop him. I found out because I walked in on them, basically fucking in front of me. Derek took off after. I didn’t know he’d been with you until he came back this morning.” 

Jackson? His heart skipped and he tried to catch his breath.

“Stiles?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” 

“It, he.” His hands felt weird.

“He was saying things to Isaac and Jackson.”

“Huh?” He was trying to keep up.

“Like, he was telling Isaac he’d never felt this way before. He told Jackson that he felt like home. He said a lot of stuff.”

He blinked, a wave of dizziness washing over him as he leaned against the counter.

“Stiles.”

“I’m here.”

“I just, I needed to tell you.” 

“Okay.”

“We were able to end the curse.”

“Okay.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yes.” He gripped the counter and tried to breathe slowly.

“Derek’s super upset. He doesn’t need another thing to suffer over, man.”

Stiles squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to speak. “I know that. Is he with you now?”

“I left to get something for us to eat, but yeah, he’s at the apartment. I’ll stay with him today. Unless you want me to come over?” 

“No. I have to go, Scott. Tell him, tell him I’m sorry.”

Stiles was pleased he made it to the toilet before vomiting. 

Stiles hadn’t cried in a long time. He let himself. It came out more like a whine. He got into pajamas and curled up in bed. Of course, it was a curse. How could he have been so stupid. Of course, Derek had been forced, compelled, whatever. Poor Derek. And he’d fucking participated. And ugh, all the things Stiles said. How embarrassing. Of course, it wasn’t real. God, poor Derek. When he calmed down, he changed his sheets, not wanting to be reminded any more than necessary.

A few hours later, his screen lit up with a call from Derek. His heart raced. He couldn’t. After, he got a text.

D: Stiles.

S: hey

D: Scott said he told you about the witch.

S: yeah, I’m so sorry

D: I should have called you earlier. I was trying to figure out my thoughts and trying not to panic. I am trying not to be embarrassed.

S: looking back, I honestly should have realized something was up
S: you have nothing to be embarrassed about
S: are you ok?

D: It’s better now that we’re talking. I really want to see you. Is it okay if I come over?

He couldn’t do this. Scott was with Derek, and that would have to work. He could not face Derek today.

S: uh, sorry, I don’t think so

D: Oh. Are you okay? 

S: I just, not today. please.

After a minute, Derek replied. 

D: Could we talk before you leave for college tomorrow?

S: yes

D: Are you upset? 

S: naw 
S: everything is good, big guy

Stiles watched the three dots start, stop, start again. 

D: This is very hard. I feel overwhelmed. 

Ugh. He didn’t want Derek having yet one more thing to add to his self-hate menu. He just, he just needed a minute himself. 

S: I imagine. but, I can’t today, ok? we’ll talk tomorrow.

He included a smiling emoji before hitting send. It was another minute before he got a response.

D: Okay. 

Stiles watched the dots start, stop. 

He’d fallen asleep after a quiet dinner full of worried looks from his dad and woke to some noise. Fumbling around for his phone, he blinked until the time showed. After 1am. He looked around, seeing a shadow outside his window through the blinds. He ignored it. The knocking became insistent. He sat up, grabbed his phone.

S: please. I’m tired. we’ll talk tomorrow.

The knocking stopped.

D: I won’t bother you. I only want to be there with you. 

S: I’m ok, Derek. I was asleep. 

D: I’m sorry. I just. I wanted to see you. 

What the fuck. Stiles was hyperventilating. He breathed. This sucked.

S: I don’t- it’s not a good idea, Derek. I’m exhausted. Go home, sleep, come tomorrow. I promise I won’t leave until we talk. 

D: Okay. Good night, Stiles.

Stiles put his head under the pillow and tried to be as silent as possible, breathing deeply to force the liquid in his eyes not to spill over.

Stiles figured Derek never left. His car was out front when he woke, when he finished packing. He’d showered, eaten, and brushed his teeth. He sent Derek a text after he practiced smiling in the mirror. 

When he knocked, Stiles opened the door and stepped outside. Derek backed up, stumbling. 

“I figured we could talk out here, Derek.”

“Oh, sure.” 

Absurdly, Derek moved forward, like, like he was going to hug Stiles? Panicking a little, Stiles backed up and sat down in the closest porch chair. Derek froze, his eyebrows drawing together, then sat down next to him. 

He smiled at Derek. Derek relaxed a bit. That was better. Derek’s eyes tracked a squirrel running across the driveway. Stiles took a breath.

“You ok?” Stiles chastised himself, biting at his bottom lip. What a stupid thing to ask.

Derek shrugged. “Again, I should have called you right after Scott got it lifted from me. I needed, I needed to clear my head. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking glad to be here now, though.”

“Um. I’m sure it was-” Stiles struggled to find words and settled. “-a lot.” 

Derek looked at him. “It was. I was so, it panicked me for a while.”

Stiles watched him, pushing away the desire to touch him, to soothe him. “Yeah.”

“I’m, I was relieved when Scott told you. God it would have been hard for me to-” Stiles watched pink creep up Derek's neck. Watched him uncharacteristically bite at a fingernail. “I’ve never been that way before.”

Shifting in his chair, hurt poured from him for Derek. “I know. It’s going to be ok, Der.” 

He reached out before he realized he was doing it and rested his hand on Derek’s knee. Before he could pull away, Derek placed his own on top and closed his eyes. Stiles stared at their hands. It was like the other night. Warm and soft, and he remembered them running through his hair. His face heated and he dragged his hand away; Derek didn’t stop him.

“How are Isaac and Jackson?” He sat up a little straighter.

“Oh, uh, they’re okay. They were there when it was lifted. Scott figured out how to stop it. When she placed it, I guess part of the whole thing was that I wouldn’t remember she’d done it until it was over. Anyway, when it was done, I told them about - I was trying to understand. I told them I’d been here, with you. About you.” He looked at Stiles, like he hoped that was okay. “But, it was good, I’m glad they were there.”

Stiles would not cry. He pressed his nails into his palms hard, nodding. 

Derek looked at him, then back out to the yard. “I want you to know, I want you to know that it was, that the things I said- ,” he paused, and time stretched.

Stiles couldn’t let him do this anymore. He took a breath. 

“Derek.” Derek startled out of his thoughts.

“Derek, it’s fine. Really.” 

Derek’s eyebrows pulled together. “I said so much to you. I talked about, I talked about everything.” He put his hands back up to his face.

Well, this was easy, at least. “Hey, hey, look at me.” He waited until Derek’s eyes were on him. “I won’t tell anyone the things you said. That’s not, I’d never do that.”

“Oh. I know that. No, I mean, I’m, I’m glad. At first it felt, it was like I was exposed, when I realized what had happened. Like, I had spilled open, and I was afraid. But I kept reminding myself it was you.” He cleared his throat. “And, the other stuff, sex.” 

Oh my god. Stiles' face flamed. “Derek, I know you weren’t, I know. I’m. I feel awful about it. I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t been home when you came to my window.” He stopped, couldn’t get any more words out.

Derek stared at him, mouth twisted and eyebrows raised. “I thought you, you seemed like, like you liked it.” 

“That doesn’t matter, Derek. It was not okay. Oh my god, Derek.” The amount of trauma Derek had had in his life. He wanted to hit something. Stiles looked down at the porch, managing not to by biting his tongue. He tasted blood. He looked back up at Derek when he had control over himself again.

Derek was looking at him, mouth pinched. “I’m sorry, Stiles.” 

Fuck, why was he apologizing. Stiles shook his head, about to interrupt, but he continued. “You, you smell so upset.” Derek started to reach toward him. He stopped himself, and Stiles noticed his hand trembling. Followed more slowly with, “Was I, was it, was it your first time with someone? I wish it hadn’t been like that for- ” 

Uh, no. Derek, who’d been forced to do things he’d never have done otherwise, was concerned more about Stiles than himself. Derek had enough to deal with, without worrying about his first time feelings. 

He cut him off and made some shit up. “What? Derek, no, it wasn’t. And stop doing the wolfy scenting thing on me. Not cool.” Derek backed up. “You were right, college is amazing. I’ve been making up for lost time in the sex department.”

Derek blinked.

“There are a couple bars near campus. We go every now and then. I guess, uh, surprisingly, this body can get it, Derek.” He gestured at himself. “I’m saying I have been educated in the sex. With people.” Okay Stiles, enough. 

Derek looked surprised. Confused, maybe. Good. So be it. That’s better than guilt. 

“Oh. Okay. That’s not, that’s fine, good, of course, I mean. Why then? Is it how much older I am than you?”

Was Derek losing it? “Stop. Absolutely not. We’re both adults. And I’ve known you for five years. It’s not that wild.” 

He took a deep breath. “I think, Derek.” He stopped, tried again. “You’ve been through something traumatic. I was part of it. And maybe you’re not processing everything yet.” 

Derek gave him eyebrows. “Maybe? Things are making less and less sense.” 

Stiles nodded, something miserable stuck in his chest. “It’s probably going to be that way for a while.”

Derek looked out at the road for a moment and back. He blew out a breath. More guardedly, and no longer looking at him, he started again. “The, you said, you said things. About me. That you felt.”

Stuffing his embarrassment down, Stiles suppressed a groan. Ugh, he needed to cut that off for any chance of finding some kind of normal again. “You don’t need to worry about that. I, I know what um, I know what I am to you. But I got, I got confused, alright? I got caught up in the moment, confused, because you were saying things, and you looked like you wanted to touch me.” He tried ineffectively to keep the waver out of his voice. 

“I did want to touch you,” Derek said, his voice quiet.

“I know, Der.” He couldn’t blink quickly enough and his hand flew up to wipe away a tear. “This is so hard. I, I want us to be able to be friends again. Like, please. I’m okay, I will be okay. And, fuck, I want you to be okay. I’ll do anything. I’m so sorry.” 

Derek nodded. He didn’t seem to stop nodding. His eyes were turning red. Stiles saw his teeth lengthening. Shit. Before he could say anything else, Derek asked, “So you don’t want, you didn’t mean the things you said?” 

“Right. Look. I’m truly all good. I feel very badly about you, though. Uh, you might want to see someone, to talk about what happened. I’d, I could go with you.” He scratched at his thighs over his jeans, watching the white lines appear in the denim. 

Derek looked at him then, controlling his shift. “Right. I thought. I really thought you wanted.” He shook his head, looking down at the floor of the porch. “Something. With me.”

Stiles swallowed. He didn’t want Derek to be upset about what Stiles felt about him. But also, did he actually think Stiles was that much of an idiot or, worse, a jerk? 

He relaxed his posture and softened his face. “I promise I don’t. After all that…” he waved his hand around, imagining Jackson and Isaac. “I mean, I’m pretty eager, but god I’d have to have like, zero self-respect and be an absolute asshole.” Bile rose in his throat.

Derek stood up abruptly. So Stiles did too. Derek’s expression was unreadable. Stiles’ heart picked up, and he reached out a hand to Derek. Derek stepped away from him, took a deep breath, and stood facing the street. “Of course. Jesus, I wish, I wish I’d never come over that night.”

Relief started flowing through him, lowering the thunder from his heart. “Yeah, what a fucked up curse. Sorry Derek.”

Derek looked at him. 

“So, we’re okay, Derek? We’ll be okay?”

Derek nodded. “Yeah.” Stiles watched his jaw flex. 

“K, see you at winter break.” Stiles got up and walked back inside, closed the door, counted to 10, then ran to the bathroom to retch.  Then he hit the wall until his hands hurt.

After rinsing his mouth, he peeked through the curtains in the living room to see Derek leaning against his car. An Uber pulled up and Erica got out. Hmm. She hugged Derek. For a long time. Stiles wondered if Erica might come try to talk with him, but she didn’t. She turned to the house for a moment before getting in the driver’s side of Derek’s car while Derek got in the passenger side. He hoped he’d done enough to allay Derek’s guilt. Another wave of nausea threatened again as he thought about Isaac and Jackson.

Chapter Text

They were not okay.

Sleepwalking through finals, Stiles was surprised he didn’t fail. Scott spent a weekend with him when he was falling apart one Friday. Scott had been surprisingly supportive, checking in with him every day. His friends at college tried to get him to join in the holiday festivities, but he was just sad. Sad about what Derek was going through. Embarrassed about what he thought he’d had for a hot minute. He’d texted Derek once a couple of weeks later, but got no response.

Back home for the winter break, he spent most of his time with Scott and his dad. Lydia also came over. She tried once to talk with him about what happened, but he shut it down.

The pack meeting when he was there was awkward. Derek barely acknowledged him, and the rest of the pack was just, well, it was all business. He tried to talk with Erica, but she brushed him off. At one point, everyone else was outside and he and Jackson were alone.

“You okay, Jackson?”

Jackson raised an eyebrow.

“I guess, I just, if you wanted to talk about what happened. With Derek.” Stiles got out. Jackson was a jerk, but still.

“Why the fuck would I want to talk with you about it? Fucking weirdo.”

“Christ, Jackson.”

Laughing, Jackson made a lewd blow job gesture.

Sweat broke out on Stiles’ face, his breath speeding up. “Still an asshole, I guess.”

“To you, yeah. Who blew who? Did you fuck? What happened? The wolf too much for you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Stiles nearly tripped over himself leaving the room.

“No dude. What the fuck is wrong with you, Stiles?” he heard as he made it to the bathroom and closed the door.

Breathing too fast, his heart raced. “Stiles?” He heard Scott as he flung the door open and got out of the house, walking to his jeep, walking past it. Scott caught up with him and walked with him until the attack subsided. He slumped against Scott. “Thank you for being here.”

Scott just nodded. “I’m always here for you, you know that.”

“I feel like, I feel like I’m going crazy. Derek won’t look at me. The rest of the pack ignored me. Except Lydia.” He wrapped his arms around himself.

“I think they just don’t know how to process it all, and Derek’s their alpha.”

Stiles wanted to scream. Wanted to hit things. “Why is everything ok with Isaac?”

Scott shrugged. “I guess, well, nothing really ended up happening between him and Derek.”

Stiles sighed. “I want to go home.”

Scott drove him home and stayed over, making Stiles pancakes and bacon for breakfast, and giving his dad some when he thought Stiles wasn’t paying attention. He left soon after.

Stiles worked on holiday gifts to take his mind somewhere else. He’d taken a pottery class for an art credit and he had some simple mugs he’d made for his dad, Lydia, Scott, and Derek. He’d been working on them before Thanksgiving, and he kept working on Derek’s. His dad’s was an unintentionally creepy elf head, to keep an eye out when he was away. For Lydia, he made the handle into a bright blue dragon. Scott’s mug and handle looked medieval. And for Derek, he’d made two mugs. One for his birthday, too, with wolf tracks that moved across both. He finished packing them up and went to drop them off on the 23rd. Derek didn’t answer his door, no surprise. He left the wrapped gift in front of the door, texting him to let him know he left a package. No response, but he didn’t expect one.

After pressing Scott, he learned the pack had rented a cabin north of them. Even Jackson. Stiles crawled into bed until his dad got him to come down and watch movies and drink hot cocoa. Scott came over at some point and Stiles fell asleep in his lap.

By spring break, Stiles had mostly emerged out of his depression with the help of Scott and his college friends. Over his breaks and summer, he’d focused on being Scott’s number two, talking with Lydia, and interacting minimally with Derek’s pack, and never with Derek. Derek would ignore him, act like he hadn’t said anything, so eventually he’d stopped trying. He had a few, maybe several, angry-sad rounds with glass bottles and a bat about it. Derek had apparently gone back to being an asshole, grunting and shutting himself off from everyone.

At the start of his junior year, though, Scott shared that Derek seemed to be doing better. He even started seeing a therapist. At some point Lydia began to date Jackson, which sounded horrific. But Stiles was fine with it; he treated Lydia far better than anyone else, and if Lydia was happy, it was good enough.

Things normalized a year after the curse. There had been a huge battle with a wild goblin pack the winter break of his junior year. Afterwards, everyone was so happy to have it over they were just as touchy-feely with Stiles as with each other. Erica even picked him up and swung him around. After that, while Derek didn’t go out of his way to talk with him, he also didn’t avoid him. Everyone seemed to be less tense around him. Even Jackson toned down the asshole. It wasn’t the way it was before, but Stiles didn’t feel actively excluded. Isaac hugged him, and it felt like an apology.

The summer before his senior year, Stiles had to watch as Derek dated someone. William. A dancer, quiet and graceful. Blond. Beautiful. And really nice. To him. Like, nicer than anyone else in the pack had been in a long time, aside from Lydia. It had been excruciating. It wasn’t like Stiles had been celibate. In fact, for a while he let his friends take him out, and he did do quite a bit of the sex with people things. But he hadn’t had a proper relationship. On a logical level, he was happy that Derek was experiencing something healthy. His heart disagreed. He walked to the bathroom one night to see them wrapped up in each other in the hall, Derek’s face pressed into William’s neck, William’s eyes closed with a hand in Derek’s hair. He took a few minutes outside. It hurt seeing Derek with someone else. And someone so different from him. They weren’t together at fall break; William moved overseas for a dance opportunity and they’d ended things amicably. Stiles tried really, really hard to not feel the slightest bit relieved.

By winter break of his senior year, things with Derek had transformed back to the way there were before they’d become friends. No vitriol. They talked about light stuff when they were together with the group, no real awkwardness, and it was fine. Good even. Good enough.

One evening, home for spring break, he ended up fighting a group of bewitched garden slugs alone with Derek. After, full of adrenaline, they stopped at a bar and had a few drinks. Well, Derek didn’t have any, but Stiles did and shit just rolled out of his mouth.

Stiles had looked at Derek’s stupid face and said, “Fuck.”

Derek raised an eyebrow. “What.”

Derek was so bright. “I just. I just miss you.” Well, fuuuck.

Derek looked away.

In for a penny. “I miss our friendship, Derek,” Stiles said, putting his head in his hands. “I don’t understand what happened. After, after the curse, the pack shut me out. And you, you just. It was like I didn’t exist. You seemed ok with everyone else, and I thought, I thought it was you know, the sex, the curse and you were - understandably messed up. But you were like, relatively ok with Jackson, as much as one can be, I guess. I didn’t understand what I did. I tried to make things better afterwards. That morning you came over. I thought you, we, might need time to get back to being friends. But, it never came back. It got worse. And it hurt so much. I missed you so much.” With horror, he realized he was crying. And that Derek wasn’t across from him anymore.

He put his head on his arms and tried to control his stupid drunk self. Then a hand was on his shoulder. Derek was there, sitting next to him now. Oh. So bright. He sat up. “Hey, Derek.”

“I’m sorry.” he said as he rested his forehead against Stiles’ shoulder. Stiles tilted his head to rest against Derek’s.

“I was in so much pain, I was in an awful place, Stiles. I didn’t know how to handle it. It was hard for me to see you. I know, I think the pack was trying to protect me. I should have stopped that. Fuck. And I don’t understand about Jackson, but I hurt you. I hurt you and you had been such a good friend to me. It wasn’t, nothing was your fault. I’m sorry, Stiles.”

Stiles wiped at his eyes. “It felt awful, Der. And I got it, though. I got it. It was too much; it really fucked you up. God.” He shook his head. “It fucked me up, too. I probably should have talked with someone.”

“Stiles, I thought. I thought you had Scott and that- I don’t know what I thought. And then just so much time had passed. I thought you hated me.”

He couldn’t breathe. This sucked.

“This sucks.”

Raising his head, Derek looked at him. “I didn’t have the healthiest coping mechanisms, Stiles. Emotionally stunted is one of the kinder terms Lydia has used. I still don’t. I’ve been trying, though.”

Stiles leaned into Derek's side. Jesus, he almost shattered at the warmth. He let out a stuttered breath. Derek wrapped an arm around him.

“Derek?”

“Hmm?”

Turning his head and looking into familiar eyes, he asked quietly, “Do you think, do you think we could be friends again?”

“Do you think you could forgive me?”

Stiles sat back. “Derek. Oh my god. Yes.”

“Can I scent you?”

Stiles nodded. Derek ran his hands through Stiles’ hair, and then he leaned in and pressed his face into the crook of his neck, breathing in slowly. Moving up and down. Warmth unfurled across his skin, he was heavy, lax. He tried not to think of the night they’d spent together. He mostly succeeded, staying present, letting the alcohol unwind his mind and Derek’s calm, steady touch spread relief throughout his body. Derek drove him home not long after, and he slept better than he had in a long time.

By graduation, they were completely at ease around each other, and they'd started to hang out again. Scott seemed to be concerned that they were becoming friendly and Stiles couldn’t figure it out. Kira and Scott were dating, and they spent nearly all their time together, so it wasn’t like Scott missed him or anything. Scott said he wanted to make sure Stiles didn’t get hurt. It was kind, but Scott couldn’t understand that he was feeling so much better now, and that this was good for him. For both of them.

Chapter Text

Life continued. Stiles found a job that would start in the fall, and things with the pack continued to improve over the summer. Everyone was relaxed with him now when he came over, and Derek kept giving him apologetic looks until Stiles convinced him it was okay. It was more than okay. 

One Friday evening, late summer, he and Isaac were at Derek’s. They were in the dining room, Derek doing something on his laptop, and Isaac and Stiles trading college stories and drinking beer. Isaac’s laced with wolfsbane, they were both buzzed. The sound of the night insects through the open windows gave everything a lazy element.

Isaac pointed at Stiles. “Okay, what was your first sexual experience?” 

Narrowing his eyes, he tipped his bottle back for another sip before replying. “Really, Isaac?”

“Hey, just curious.” 

Derek had stopped typing, but was still looking at his laptop screen. Stiles thought about it. They were all more or less functional adults now. Lying didn’t seem necessary. 

He pointed at Derek. Isaac looked at Derek. Derek was looking at Stiles.

He watched Derek’s eyebrows contort themselves into all sorts of positions. “You said it wasn’t.”

“Der, I thought, you know, I was worried about you.” He shrugged. “I didn’t want you to feel bad. Back then, you just like, everything was fucked up with the curse and, well, I didn’t want you to have any more hurt. You already had enough trauma.” 

Derek tilted his head, eyebrows settled on confused. Stiles suppressed an inappropriate giggle. 

“You said that back then - trauma - and I didn’t understand; it was confusing, but nothing in our conversation was going the way I expected, and I was so messed up, not thinking clearly. What did you mean?”

Uh. He felt sort of like the math lady meme again. Skin prickling, he glanced at Isaac. “I mean, you know, with Isaac, Jackson, and me.” 

Closing his laptop, Derek sat back and crossed his arms, his eyebrows pulled together. 

Isaac said, “what do you mean, with me?”

Anxiety made itself known, goosebumps breaking out on his arms. He was on the edge of something, wondering if he should reel it back. If he could even. His mouth decided for him. “Do you really want me to say it?” 

Derek and Isaac looked at each other. Isaac nodded.

He picked at the label on the bottle. “Ok, well, I mean, trauma from the curse. I can’t imagine being forced to be intimate, like, emotionally and physically, the way he was with all of us. It was not consensual, Isaac. I mean, I guess nothing actually happened with you, though. You weren’t, uh, into it.” Sweat beaded at the back of his neck. “But I,” he said, smacking his palm against his chest a little harder than he meant to. “I was.” 

He definitely didn’t look at Derek, continuing to focus on a stubborn edge of the label. “And it was amazing. The entire night. And then I felt so gross after I talked with Scott. I felt horrible for Derek. And embarrassed. And then it was just awful. It was shit. It just felt like shit. It was all shit.” 

Nausea started to build. Hands shaking, he put the bottle down and shoved them in his pockets, staring at his shoes. Was this going to cause another rift between them? Why did he answer Isaac. God. Noticing it was silent, he looked up.

They stared at him. 

Was he going crazy? “What?”

Isaac looked at Derek. “What the fuck is he talking about?”

Wha? What the fuck was going on?

Derek was giving him a weird look. “Who, you said, all of us. You, Isaac. Who else.”

Exasperated, he flung his arms out. “Jackson!”

Isaac choked on the mouthful of beer he’d just sipped, wiping his mouth unsuccessfully as beer dripped down his neck. 

Stiles watched the liquid absorb into Isaac’s shirt, darkening the material. Derek startled him back to the conversation. “You think I was with Jackson that day,” he narrowed his eyes, “what, intimately?” 

“Yeah, you were, you know, doing sex stuff with him.” Isaac made some kind of noise, but Stiles talked over it. “And,” he sighed, “you told him he felt like home. You know. The same things you said to me. Derek, did your therapist like hypnotize you to forget or something? Am I fucking up your therapy?” His heart was legit racing now.

Derek froze, mouth slightly open, his shoulders bunched together strangely. Yep, Stiles was fucking everything up. Fuckity fuck fuck.

Isaac cleared his throat. “Stiles. Stiles, look at me.”

He dragged his eyes toward Isaac.

“Nothing happened between me and Derek.”

“I know that.” Hyper aware of sound, the buzzing of the insects stopped being comforting. It was a loud thrumming that annihilated the gentle quiet, stabbing at his brain. 

“No, I mean, absolutely nothing happened. Derek didn’t, uh, try anything with me. At all.” 

He didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t know how to respond to anything, actually. Weakly, he offered, “But he told you he hadn’t felt about anyone the way he felt about you.” Derek made a hurt sound.

Isaac shook his head. “Nope. That did not happen.”

He looked at Isaac, then Derek. There was a little glassiness to his eyes.

“Derek.”

They looked at each other.

“Is that, is, what is going on?”

Derek just continued to look at him. 

Stiles looked back at Isaac. “Did you stay with Derek until he came over to my house?”

Isaac nodded. 

“Was Jackson with you?”

“Yes.”

“Did, did anything happen between them?”

Isaac shook his head. “No. Holy shit, no.”

Stiles couldn’t think. Batshit crazy. That’s what he felt. Finally, he asked, “What was the curse?”

This time, Derek spoke. “It wasn’t- she said it wasn’t a curse. She said it was a gift.”

Derek didn’t say anything else. Isaac waited a beat, then continued. “Well, Scott and I knew something was up, but we didn’t find the witch until later. And she was pissed. She said we could have avoided all the fuckery she and our pack had gone through if Derek had just communicated.”

Derek started again. “She said she was taking away my fear and anger. And that I’d be able to experience what life could be like if I could trust. If I could trust people. If I could talk to them. If I could let them in.” 

Stiles stared at him, then covered his face with his hands. His heart rate tripled. He could feel the panic beginning. Isaac got out of his chair and pulled him up. 

“What do you need, Stiles?” 

“I need to, I need to just. I need to get out of here.”

Isaac took him outside. Derek followed. They walked around the building until his heart rate calmed, until his breaths were normal. “It’s over.”

Stiles watched Derek as he tried to reevaluate their conversation from that morning. He was exhausted. It’d been so long.

“I don’t know what to think. What to feel. All of that. All of that, what you felt, like, it was real?” 

Derek looked like he tried to speak, but stopped. He just nodded. 

Realization came to Stiles slowly, awfully. “And then after, you were feeling, feeling panicked, or weird because. Because you’d been vulnerable with me.” 

Derek nodded stiffly.

“And” He thought back to that day, leaning against Isaac. “And you thought I was rejecting you.” He put his palms to his eyes. “I thought I was protecting you.”

Derek was looking at the ground. 

“Why, I don’t understand why Scott told me what he did.” 

Isaac looked at Derek. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

“I think I should go home,” Stiles said. 

“No.” Derek said, eyes wide. He reached out and then pulled back his hand. “Can you stay here, please? There’s the second bedroom. I can’t. I mean. Please don’t leave.”

Stiles nodded and watched Isaac scent Derek, and Derek do the same. After hugging Stiles for what felt like an eternity, Isaac made his way to his car.

After he left Stiles turned toward Derek. He was close, eyes cautiously watching him. As they walked back inside, Stiles felt strangely other. His limbs otherworldly, attached but unfamiliar, his world rearranged and unsettled. 

Chapter Text

Back inside, Stiles was fresh from a shower he couldn’t remember. In boxers and a t-shirt, teeth clean from a spare toothbrush, he sat on the bed in the guest bedroom. He texted his dad to let him know where he was, and when he looked up Derek was in the doorway. Looking at him like he was a skittish cat. Maybe it was close to the truth at the moment. But so was Derek. Just two spooked cats. Staring at each other.

“So.”

Derek gave a tired sigh. “Don’t leave in the morning, please. Stay.”

Nodding, he climbed under the covers, and Derek sat down in the desk chair next to him. Stiles wasn’t sure what to do, but he reached out to Derek, intertwining their fingers.

After a moment, he asked, “Are you going to sit there all night?”

Derek shrugged. “I don’t want to be away from you right now. I’m too exhausted to talk. To think. But I don’t want to leave you.”

Maybe Derek could lie down. He looked around. It wouldn’t work here, though; the bed was too small. “What if I come to your bed so we can both lie down?”

Derek immediately stood up. “Yes.” 

He followed Derek quietly. He remembered being in his bed once, after an attack. Not a pleasant memory. Shaking it off, he waited until Derek was under the covers, then turned the light off and climbed in after him.

Derek was a furnace, unexpected but not unwelcome. Light from outside spilled through the window, illuminating Derek’s hair. He studied the strands as he relaxed his body bit by bit.

Then Derek made a sound, startling him. Seeing overfull eyes, he wrapped his arms around warm skin, pulling Derek against him, feeling his heartbeat against his own chest. Once Derek’s had calmed, he pulled back a little but didn’t let go. He wiped away the few tears that had fallen and pressed a knee between Derek’s thighs, staying intertwined until Derek’s breaths evened out. 

Unable to sleep, he pulled away then, flinging an arm over his eyes as he turned onto his back. Why’d Scott lie? All that crap. How much they went through. Feeling sick, he rewound their conversation that morning years ago. Could he have said something so they’d have figured it out? Cursed to trust. And he’d trusted Stiles. He moved his hand over his mouth. God. And he’d taken that trust and trashed it. He’d absolutely ruined the witch’s intentions. Not that the witch had any right, but he’d made it a million times worse. He couldn’t reconcile Scott’s actions. There must be some explanation. Something. He closed his eyes, brain quieting as he listened to Derek’s soft breaths.

He woke to sunlight and green sea glass eyes on him. Derek took his hand. Stiles squeezed. “I’m still here.” Derek nodded. Stiles ran a finger along the crease between his eyebrows. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Derek nodded again. “I’m going to make breakfast. Stay?”

He placed his palm against Derek’s cheek, fingertips settling in the soft hair above Derek’s ear. “Derek. I’m not leaving unless you ask me to.” Derek closed his eyes, turning his face into Stiles’ hand.

He left a clean pair of clothes on the bed for Stiles before leaving the room.

Stiles showered, and like the night before he didn’t really register it. Though, clean teeth were excellent. Checking himself out in the mirror, he registered that his eyes were a little red and there were pillow creases across his cheek. Eh, he looked awake enough. He put on the shorts and t-shirt Derek left for him, both fitting fine. They were almost the same height, and he was just as broad now; college sports had been good to him. 

He took a moment in the kitchen to watch Derek making pancakes and bacon. “Coffee’s on the table.” Stiles grunted a thanks and walked over. He stared at the cups. They were his mugs, the ones he’d made. He glanced at Derek. Derek looked back at the stove, poking at the pancakes. Stiles picked one up, running a finger over the paw prints before taking a sip. 

“Stiles.” He looked up. “I am sorry I didn’t thank you when you gave them to me. I was not in a position to appreciate them.” Derek flipped the bacon a little aggressively, splattering the stovetop. “I’m angry right now. And relieved. I can’t figure out what I’m feeling.” 

Stiles nodded. “I think I’m there with you.” For sure. He felt vulnerable, his nerves on the outside of his body.

He walked over as the last pancake was put on the stack and looked at Derek. Derek looked back and then away. “It’s ok, Der. We’re going to eat this feast, thank you very much, and then we’ll figure out what’s next.”

He stepped forward and slowly went to hug Derek, waiting to see if he’d pull away. Instead, Derek pulled him close and buried his face in Stiles’ neck. 

Stiles shivered. 

“Sorry,” came a smothered response and an attempt to pull away. 

“Uh, no, I love this.” He wrapped his arms more fully around Derek. Warm, good, safe. 

More felt than heard, Derek sighed against him. Derek’s breath briefly against his skin, then gone. He ran his hand along Stiles’ neck before grabbing the pancakes and moving to the table. 

“You are the best. Thank you for this; I’m seriously hungry.” He smacked his stomach. 

Derek smiled as he sat down and waited for Stiles to take a few bites before he took his own. Stiles watched him bring his mug up for a sip. It was quiet, comfortable. 

After, they sat on the couch, apart, Stiles tapping at his knees. 

“So, at some point, I want to get a hold of Scott.” Derek nodded. 

“I think I should talk with him alone.” 

“Probably a good idea,” Derek said, frowning. “I told him everything that day and he offered to talk with you. I feel fucked over all over again. I’m too angry to talk with him.”

Derek ran his hand through his hair before continuing. “I have all these memories and feelings of hurt and rejection. And they’re not based on anything real. And I hurt you. For fucking no reason.”

“Yeah.” Stiles bounced his knees. “But, I guess, also, Scott aside, you probably wouldn’t have come to me that night. I mean, the curse, it still like, put things out of your control. You wouldn’t have talked to me. Or touched me. That’s still not great.”

Derek looked at him. “I know, but it wasn’t- it wasn’t bad. I was just overwhelmed for a little while, knowing I’d said all those things. Kissed you. Touched you. I felt, Stiles, I felt so good that night. Better than I could remember feeling in so, so long. It’s not that I didn’t want to do those things. I didn’t do or say anything I didn’t actually want to. I just needed some time to process it. I really think it was a gift.” Derek frowned. “I mean, it should have been, I guess.” 

The quiet was overwhelming then. Ugh, his heart felt like it was being squeezed in someone’s fist. 

Derek asked, “What would you have done if you’d known the truth? And if I came over later that day.”

Hmm. What would he have done? He started slowly. “I probably would have pulled you onto my bed and held you until you knew it was ok to have been so open with me.” 

He watched Derek’s hands clench and loosen. “And told you it was fine if you just wanted to go back to the way things were.” He thought a bit, looking at the trees he could see out the window. “I’d try to show you it would be alright to be all of you with me.”  

Turning back, he continued. “Der, if you’d let me, I would have covered you with my body to shield you. I would have bathed you when we showered. Washed you and then covered you again. Showed you how much I cared for you with my hands. If you’d let me. I would’ve had the pack over to surround you. I imagine there would have been some interesting conversations with my dad.” He paused. 

“And then I’d have dated the fuck out of you,” he finished. 

Derek was biting his bottom lip so hard it was bleeding. Stiles reached over and used his thumb to extract his lip. The cut had already healed. He wiped at the blood. “Would you have liked that, Der?”

Derek pulled him over and shifted down on the sofa. He laid on his back, bringing Stiles over him. Stiles scooted down slightly, resting his head on Derek’s shoulder.

“Yes.” Derek’s fingers played at the back of his neck, the feeling sparking across his body. He was awash in something. Some kind of feeling. It was there, close, he couldn’t quite name it. 

“Is it ok if we stay like this for a bit, Stiles? I want to feel what it would have been like.”

Stiles closed his eyes, emotions overwhelming. “Yeah.” He focused on the feeling of Derek’s heartbeat.

“I think we would have been good, Stiles.”

“Of course we would have.” He smiled. “But, also, who knows, Der? I was away a lot at college. You might have gotten sick of that, eventually. Maybe we’d have had arguments and drifted apart. Maybe you’d realize I was way too much.” 

A laugh vibrated through him from Derek’s chest. “Maybe. I doubt that last part. I know you well enough. You’re the perfect amount of much.” Stiles smiled, biting gently at his shoulder.

Breathing in the warm scent below him, he let his thoughts wander. This was good. He rubbed his cheek against Derek’s neck. “Pretty sure I’d be purring right now if I could.” 

He felt Derek’s heart skip. His hand moved from the back of his neck to rub up and down Stiles’ back. “This is nice, Stiles.” 

“Mmhmm,” Stiles mumbled, content. He pressed his hand against Derek’s side, gentle circles with his thumb against Derek’s shirt. “I might fall asleep. Your heartbeat is soothing.” 

Derek moved his hand back to Stiles’ neck. Pleased, he slipped into sleep somewhere in between the rise and fall of Derek chest.

He wasn’t out for long, waking to drool on Derek’s shirt. 

“Hello,” he said when he realized Derek was also awake, watching him. 

“Hi.” Derek smiled, squeezing the back of his neck gently before he pulled away. He shivered at the cool air that replaced Derek’s hand. “Thank you for indulging me. Also, Isaac texted. He wants us to call.”

Stiles yawned as he got his phone off the coffee table and sat up, feeling a little loose and liquid. He missed the way they’d been tangled up already.

“Isaac. You’re on speaker. Derek’s with me.”

“So, I told Jackson.” 

He tensed. “Ok...”

“He was, uh, extremely angry. With Scott.” 

He relaxed a bit. “Oh.”

“Yeah, anyway, he wanted to go see Scott. He was very talkative with his fists, Stiles. I just want you to know. I also did not hold back. With words. Scott is very aware that you guys know what happened.”

He looked at Derek and took a few deep breaths. Derek squeezed his hand.

“Did he say why he did it?” 

“No. He seemed embarrassed when we told him. Then he was just in pain. Of course, that didn’t last long and he ran off. Whatever. Anyway, I wanted you to know. You guys okay?”

“Thanks, Isaac. Yeah, we’re alright.” 

Derek added, “Isaac, would you mind telling the rest of the pack?” 

“Oh, yeah, of course. I’ll let you know when it’s done.” 

When they got off the phone, Stiles saw several missed calls from Scott. And a text from Lydia.

He frowned at his phone. “I don’t want to talk to him today.” 

Derek shrugged. “Whatever you want.” 

“I should go see my dad, explain what’s gone on, in case he goes there, though.” Derek nodded. “I can come back after. If you want.” 

“Yes, come back. I’ll get us dinner. I should get out of the house for a bit. Your scent is everywhere, Stiles. I can’t focus on anything else right now.”

He knew his cheeks were pink by how hot his face was. “Um, I can also not come back.” 

Derek touched his arm. “That didn’t come out right. It’s like, it’s just, my brain is mush and all I want to do is bury my face in your neck. Climb inside of you or something.”

Stiles’ brain halted. “Oh.” And back on line. “Well, I am amazing, I suppose.”

“You’re, well, you’re open, inviting, relaxed. It makes me feel the same. It feels good. I want to roll around in it.” His eyes widened. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be reading your emotions.”

Oof, they were being so careful with each other. “Der, it’s okay. I’m happy you’re feeling good. I’ll be back. Go clear your head.” 

Derek smiled. “‘kay.” 

“Ok, I’m going to go now before I dunno, you like, start drooling because of my magnificent chemosignals.” 

“Stiles,” Derek bit the corner of his mouth, trying to stop a smile. “Thank you for staying last night. And today.”

Stiles hugged him, pressing himself as close as he could. “I need this as much as you.” 

——

Back home, he told his dad almost everything. No need to give details about sexual encounters to family, but surely his dad got the idea. He seemed understanding that Stiles might stay at Derek’s for longer. “I guess we’re trying to comfort each other.”

“If Scott shows up, I’ll tell him you’ll reach out in your own time.”

After a long hug, he went up to his room to pack some clothes in case he stayed over. He flopped down on his bed, pulling his pillow over his head and yelling into it. Fucking Scott. His best friend. Never mind, he didn’t want to think about it. Derek. He looked at his window. What if he’d let him in that night they’d texted? Would they have figured it out? God. Maybe. Who knows? What was the phrase? Something something madness. That way lies madness. He breathed out, thinking about the last day. Relief. Like the world was making sense again. How would the pack respond? He was a little nervous about Jackson. He pulled out his phone and texted Derek to let him know he’d talked to his dad. Remembering then that Lydia had texted, he switched threads.

While his own texts were often short and many, Lydia was the type to merge into one or two. However, there were several rapid-fire texts from her. 

L: Stiles
L: are you alright? Is Derek?
L: where are you? I am going to kill Scott.
L: please let me know you’re ok.
L: ok, isaac said you’re with derek.
L: take your time.
L: isaac called a meeting. We’re having it at our place later tonight. I’ll let you know what happens. 

He re-read her texts.

S: first, I love you
S: thank you 
S: second, I’m ok, Derek is ok
S: I’m at my dad’s for a bit, then I’m going back to Derek’s
S: I don’t know, it’s like um, we sort of need to be around each other right now
S: like, to reassure each other how much we didn’t actually mean to hurt each other
S: back then?
S: maybe? I don’t know
S: I’m too exhausted to be angry right now. I’m more just sad when I think about it
S: anyway, talk soon

He headed back to Derek’s, his nerves dialing up, static buzzing in his brain. Did Derek really want him there? What was Stiles even doing? His thoughts stopped at the door when Derek touched his shoulder and pressed his forehead to his own. Oh, that felt nice. Sheesh, his emotions were all over the place.

“I didn’t like you being away, after all.” Something in Stiles fizzed at that.

“Oh.” Man, he tried, but that’s all his brain could manage.

“Can I scent you?” Nodding, he walked into Derek’s arms. Derek rubbed his scruffy cheek all along his own, his mouth brushing his neck for a moment as he made his way across Stile’s collarbone. His breath caught at the intimacy. Off-kilter, he grounded himself in the material of Derek’s shirt against his fingers. This, this was a good thing. This was comforting. They needed to make sure they were ok. Wrapping his arms around Derek, he did the same thing to him. More a calming action for Derek, he still appreciated the feel of warm skin against skin, Derek’s pulse against the side of his mouth as he moved down. 

“I’m here, Der. We’re ok.” Stiles managed as he rested his forehead in the crook of Derek’s neck.

“Yeah.” Derek backed up, expression embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Nope. “Nuh unh. No sorrys today. We are banning all apologies. We are working through this shit, and it’s cool. Whatever we need, ok?”

Derek nodded and stepped back further. 

“Alright, so it smells delicious in here. What did you get?”

“I decided to make lasagna. I needed something to do and I thought we could use some comfort food. I have some wine. There’s a salad.”

It was going to be alright. They were alright before finding out, and they’d be alright now. “Ok, that’s, yum.” He smiled. “Thanks for cooking. I think I’ll have a glass now.” 

He followed Derek into the kitchen and watched as he filled their glasses. Into his own, Derek stirred in something extra, which Stiles assumed was a strain of wolfsbane. His insides bubbled a little knowing Derek felt he could let his guard down. 

They sat at the table after Derek plated the food. “Der.”

“Mmhmm.” 

“I was feeling a little sad earlier. More sad than angry.”

Derek nodded.

“But now that I’m here, I feel less of that. I don’t know. You being so nice to me is helping with whatever I’m feeling.”

“Well, I mean, me too. I want, I want to make you feel good, Stiles. After everything.” This man. He was feeling good. His mind was working overtime on some serotonin.

“Maybe we don’t talk about it much tonight? I feel like, actually, great. And I just want to eat this food and hold you. Would that be ok?” He cringed as the words caught up to him. 

But Derek just sat back and took a sip of his wine. “Yes, definitely yes. I felt weird after you left - did not enjoy you being gone. I’m relieved you want this the way I do.” 

Whew. Stiles smiled, feeling his muscles go to goo in a wave as the wine spread throughout his body. “This is perfect.” 

He made lots of appreciative sounds about the food, causing Derek’s ears to pink a few times. But Stiles knew Der was glad he was enjoying it. 

Almost immediately breaking his own request not to talk about it, Stiles said, “I think I’m glad we found out about this now, now that we’re friends again.” He paused for a moment. “It would have been harder if it was when we weren't talking. That sounds sort of strange now that I say it out loud.”

Derek shrugged. “I understand, though. It would have been worse. Maybe it would have been too anguishing. Is that a word? And I’m pretty sure I would have ripped Scott’s throat out if it had been before we talked at the bar.” 

“Yeah, something like that. I mean, I do wish we knew earlier still. God, I mean, I wish we always knew.” He frowned. Ugh.

Derek scooted his chair back from the table. “Ok, seriously now, we won’t talk about it. Come sit on the sofa with me. Maybe we could watch a show? Whatever you want.”

“Mmm. Show, yeah. That’s easy.” He finished the last of his wine before getting up. “Normally, I’d say the Expanse, but I don’t know if I can handle that right now. Feeling a little fragile.” Fragile, full, comfortable, strange, happy, kind of all the feelings.

He stood there while Derek sat on the sofa and put on Parks and Rec, unsure where to put his own body. Derek decided for him, pulling him down right next to him, pressing him close. Snug in the sofa with Derek’s warmth enveloping him, he disappeared into the show. About an hour later his pants buzzed, and he pulled out his phone. 

“Der, Lydia says they’re all coming over.” 

“Is that okay?” 

His heart picked up. It made him a little anxious. Rubbing his chest, he thought about what he would say, do. “I’ll be ok. You need them. And I don’t want to put off seeing them.”

Stiles couldn’t focus on the show anymore. He fidgeted, his hands getting a little sweaty. Derek reached an arm behind him, resting his hand on the back of his neck, but it did little to calm him. He also didn't know what he was worried about. Nothing bad would happen. Just it might be emotion overload. 

Derek’s head tilted and he looked at Stiles. “They’re here.” 

Stiles bit at a fingernail and stood up. Then he sat back down. He stood up again. 

They all came in. Stiles’ heartbeat was through the roof and Derek was trying to rub his back. Erica walked over and put her arms around him. “Batman.” Then Boyd came over, and then they all came over, and it turned into a giant crowded hug with him smooshed in the middle. He liked it. Breathing might have been a challenge, but it was a good deprivation of oxygen. He was just relieved he didn’t have to talk, and he let himself relax into everyone around him. Many hair ruffles and scentings later, Jackson pulled him aside. 

“Hey. I’m sorry for what I said back then.” He looked like he ate something bad. “Obviously, I didn’t know what you’d been told, but I still shouldn’t have been such an asshole. I was angry about how hurt Derek was. What I thought happened. It was stupid of me.” Stiles nodded, staring at the concerned lines on Jackson’s forehead and between his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, thanks, Jackson. I’m going to hug you again.” Jackson didn’t balk, didn’t try to get away; he was an active participant in said hug. Stiles was committing this to memory. 

Lydia brought him in to the kitchen and got him water. “You doing ok?”

He was, surprisingly. “Yeah. Hey, did you ask Jackson to say that?”

Lydia shook her head, “Nope.” Stiles leaned into her, and let her wrap him up in her arms. 

A little dazed with everything, he was relieved when Derek suggested they keep watching the show. He got squished between Derek and Lydia, with Erica resting at his feet and the others sprawled close by. Derek looked content, color in his cheeks. Stiles smiled as he sunk into the cushion, cozy, calm and warm.

He tried getting back into the show, but he was wrung out and exhaustion crept up on him not long after. Mumbling goodnights, he shuffled to Derek’s bedroom after brushing his teeth. Footsteps followed, and he watched all of them make their way into the bedroom. Derek flopped down next to him, followed by everyone else. Those who didn’t fit made beds out of blankets and pillows on the floor. Extremely pleased that he hadn’t stopped them from coming over, he pressed into Derek, focusing on the heat of his body and the soft puffs of breath over his hair.

Chapter Text

Stiles woke up in a hot jumble of limbs from unidentifiable pack members. A sweaty mess, he untangled himself and got in the shower to cool off. It’d been comforting to find himself surrounded by the pack when he’d briefly woken during the night, but now agitation ate at him. He needed to figure out how to talk to Scott. When to talk with Scott? 

His shower took longer than it probably should have, thoughts sluggish. Annoyingly, his mind wanted to think, but there did not seem to be enough activity up there to perform. Mild discontent settled in instead so he wrapped himself in a fleece blanket, found the sofa in the dark, and attempted more sleep. 

He must have succeeded, because next he knew it was bright and noise filtered in from the kitchen. Peeking over the sofa, he saw Erica and Boyd. He turned to the sunlight outside, letting it wash over him with the gentle sounds from the kitchen. Something mouthwatering reached him, and he looked over again. Erica, Boyd, and Isaac were sitting around the table drinking coffee. He shuffled over and sat at a chair, vaguely listening to them talk and as he sipped from a cup Boyd brought him. A timer went off and a warm blueberry muffin was placed in front of him. Stiles clutched it, warm deliciousness melting in his mouth. He let out a quiet groan of thanks. 

Lydia came out yawning, then Derek. Derek stopped behind him and rested his hands on his shoulders. Stiles closed his eyes to feel it. Everyone found chairs, and he had another cup of coffee while little conversations buzzed around him. Derek was sitting next to him, keeping a knee against his own. Stiles' attention wasn’t fully focused on anything. Someone put another muffin in front of him and he pressed pieces into his mouth. Not long after, everyone left, squishing him before heading out. He stood at the door until the last pack member left, then helped Derek move dishes to the sink.

“Are you alright, Stiles?” 

He wasn’t sure what he was. At that moment, he was lying on the sofa with Derek behind him. It felt nice. But too normal. And a little weird. This whole thing was an alternate reality. His body felt overstretched. The quiet was too quiet. 

“I guess I feel like, I feel like I don’t know what’s happening. We, like, intensely sort of reacted to figuring out what happened, and we’ve been in this strange, safe, like, cocoon.”

Derek’s face pressed against his head. “And tomorrow’s Monday and life kind of has to go on. I feel sort of something about it. I don’t know, anxious? This is starting to feel unreal.”

“I’m not going in tomorrow. I have a therapy appointment in the morning, but that’s it. Possibly Tuesday. Isaac and Erica have my stuff covered at the store. Stay tonight at least, okay? We’ll talk.”

He scrunched his nose. “Okay.” Still agitated, energy popping with nowhere to go, he sat up. “Could we go for a run? I need to shake out these feelings.”

At the preserve, the unsettled feeling subsided the further they ran. He found himself quiet. Yes, the exertion kept him from talking much, but confusing thoughts he didn’t know how to voice also knocked around in his head. 

Derek was beautiful and calm next to him, and all the revelations, touching, and talking made his emotions spin. He hadn’t let himself go there, even after they’d become friendly again. He’d kept anything beyond friendly locked down, knowing it wasn’t possible and wanting friendship far more than silence and avoidance. But it was there now, clicking into place and blooming bright. Heat. Looking over at Derek, he watched his muscles contract, saw the sweat beading at his hairline. It’d been so long since his body had reacted to Derek like this. Fuck. He watched Derek watching him. Shit. He fell back. Derek slowed in front of him, jogging backwards. “You look done, maybe. Feeling okay?”

“Yeah, just warm.” They stopped, and he had to look away as Derek drank from his water bottle. The line of his neck making him stupid. Gah. He decided not to fight it, though, as they headed back. 

In the car he stretched out, feeling languid and blissed out from the run. And the flame of whatever was happening in his body when he looked at Derek. It came to him then; he was feeling what could have been. Maybe? He smiled. Derek noticed. “You seem better.”

“Yeah,” he said, his fingers tapping against the seat, the door.

“What are you thinking about?” Derek kept glancing at him.

He tried to put it into words. “Everything about this weekend. Well, today, I guess. Running, being with you. This. It feels like,” he paused, deciding whether to say it. Yeah, keeping things in hadn’t worked out that well for them. “It feels like what it might have been.” He looked at Derek, then. “With us. You know. If we were together.” 

He waited, and Derek swallowed, pressing his lips together. 

When it was apparent Derek wasn’t going to say anything, he continued. “It just feels,” he shrugged, smiling, “good.” 

After a moment, Derek smiled back. “Yeah.” Derek took his hand and squeezed it. Stiles didn’t care what any of it meant. No thinking, just being. He spent the rest of the ride trying and failing to stay still and fiddling with the radio. Derek didn’t stop him. 

He was pulling on shorts after a shower when Derek spoke. “Someone’s here.” 

They walked out front and Stiles tensed at Scott’s car in the driveway. Derek followed him outside, hanging back closer to the door. 

“You weren’t at your dad’s. You haven’t been answering my calls. No one is. I decided just to come here.” Scott was leaning against his car, hands in his pockets.

“Okay.”

“Can I come in?”

“No.” 

Scott nodded, looking away. “I’m sorry.” 

“Why, Scott, why did you do it?”

Scott stood there, kicking at the ground, and Stiles wondered if he should go back inside when he finally started talking.

“I, you were getting so close to Derek. You were spending more and more time with him. I thought if you were together with him like, in a relationship, that I’d lose you.” 

“That doesn’t make sense.” 

“You were gone for him, Stiles. I was afraid I’d lose you as a friend and as my pack.”

Stiles blinked. “You idiot.”

Scott’s jaw clenched. 

“Who has one friend? I had room in my life for friends, a relationship, and a pack with you. I’m so fucking confused. And what the fuck? You’re the one who forgets you have a life outside of whoever you’re with. When you date, you like, it’s like I never see you. What the fuck, Scott.”

“You would have joined his pack.” 

Oh my god. “Join it? I was already part of it. Scott, I was already part of his pack. And I was also part of yours.” He pointed at himself. “Human, remember? I am not tied to an alpha. It wouldn’t have made any difference if I was dating Derek. I would have always been there for you. I wouldn’t have supported you any less, done less work for you. Been any less your best fucking friend. What, I only help those I’m fucking? You asshole. Do you have any idea how your lie messed things up?” 

Scott looked at the sky, then back to Stiles before talking. “I’m sorry I kept you apart. I felt awful, but then time went by and I didn’t know how to tell you, and then I just couldn’t.”

Stiles stepped back. “You think keeping us from being together is what’s upsetting?” 

Scott nodded. Behind him, he heard Derek take a breath.

He shook his head. “You let me think a witch compelled Derek to have sex with anyone he came into contact with. With me, Scott. You know, that night, for the half second I was allowed to think about it, Derek wanted me. And not just sex. He liked me, Scott. Derek, who I’d liked so much, like in a super stupid way. Which you knew. So for half an hour, what, time to shower and eat some turkey, I got to bask in thoughts about the coolest night of my life. The most amazing first sexual experience. And then you called. I was disgusted with myself. Horrified that Derek had experienced another fucked up intimate encounter. One that I was an active participant in. I can’t think of that night without feeling ill.”

Scott’s eyebrows furrowed. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. 

“And then, Scott. And then. I fucked him up emotionally, too.” Scott looked at him questioningly. “This curse was, what, it was to have him experience trusting someone. He was open and vulnerable with me that night. And when he came over to talk with me about it, being vulnerable yet again, I took that trust and destroyed it. Because of what you told me about the curse, I tried to make it so that Derek didn’t feel bad about what happened. When his reality, well, the actual reality, Scott, was that I rejected that vulnerability - I was rejecting him. He told me so much, it was intimate, Scott. And I just said to him, you know, naw, nevermind, that I didn’t want it, that I didn’t want him. I said it to his face, Scott - that how could I possibly want anything with him after all that?”

Stiles was tired. Derek came up behind him and he tried to regulate his breathing. Scott was wiping away tears. “We were both so messed up we couldn't figure out we were talking about two different versions of the same night. And you could have fixed it, Scott. You saw what happened afterwards.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t, I didn’t realize all of it, though. I wasn’t, I didn’t think.” He walked toward Stiles. Stiles backed up, running into Derek.

“I think you should leave for now, Scott,” Derek said. 

Scott stopped. 

“Please,” Stiles said. Scott nodded and got in his car. 

Walking inside, Stiles headed to the kitchen. Stood in front of the sink. He heard Derek come in, then there was a glass of water in his hands. As he drank, he heard Derek on the phone in the background.

Then Derek was behind him, turning him. “That was a lot, yeah?” 

Stiles looked at him. “I can’t believe this all happened because Scott is a possessive dumbass.” 

“Mmm. Well, a dumbass who loves you and doesn’t know how to human or wolf well.” Stiles made a choking sound. 

“I don’t want to talk about him.” He didn’t. He didn’t want to think about him either.

After putting the glass on the counter, Derek helped him into a shirt. Then he pulled him into his arms. Derek was talking. Something about ordering food for dinner. He pulled back and put his hands in Stiles’ hair. Stiles wasn’t shaking anymore. Derek’s fingers across his scalp were an off switch. The combination of scratching and massaging made every thought just kind of fuck right off. 

“Oh man, Derek. Why does that feel so good?” Derek huffed and kept doing it. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to turn into a pile of goo here on the kitchen floor.” 

“That’d be alright.” Derek ran his hands down Stiles neck and back up again to his scalp. Stiles could actually feel gears shifting in his head from angry and hurt to calm and pleasure. He shivered and realized he might be acting kind of selfish. 

“Your turn, Der.” He reached his own hands up and put them in Derek’s hair as Derek lowered his to rest on Stiles’ hips. Contentment pinged at the feel of Derek’s hair, soft against his fingers. He mimicked what Derek had done to him. Derek’s eyes were closed, his head pliant in whatever way Stiles’ hands gently maneuvered. He ran a hand down the back of Derek’s neck and felt rather than heard a soft noise from him. Derek cracked his eyes. Red irises watched him, and he almost stopped, but all signs pointed to Derek enjoying this, so he decided it was a positive shift. He traced circles into the side of Derek’s neck with his thumb, then resumed work through his hair. Derek’s eyes closed again, and he pulled Stiles against him. He laid his head on Derek’s shoulder, one hand on the back of his neck and the other splayed along his spine. Derek’s arms crossed around his back. 

“Thank you, Der.”

“Mmhmm. Can we try something?” Yes, yep, for sure, absolutely. Stiles would do anything for him right at this moment.

Derek kept talking, without pulling away. “Could we try to think about that night? How we were together? Maybe we can soften the memories if we try to remember how it was.” 

He tensed. “We don’t have to do that. I, I don’t need.” 

Derek rubbed up and down Stiles’ back. “It wasn’t painful just for you. It was the best thing that happened to me. And then it was awful.”

He breathed out. He could do this. “Right. Okay, so, how?”

“I remember sitting on the bed and thinking about how amazing you were. I wanted you to know so badly how much I liked you.” This was hard to hear. He tried to bury his head in Derek’s neck. “I was pretty much in shock when you told me you’d liked me, too.” 

Stiles laughed, “God, how could I not be? How could you not tell from whatever emotional and sexy time signals I must have been putting out? I tried to keep my mind from thinking about you, but I can’t imagine I could control it all the time.”

“I don’t know. I guess I figured it was Lydia, or just, you were just always a little horny?” 

“Well, it was you. You are such a good person underneath all that defensiveness and irritation. And you’re also just super hot. I’m not quite like that.”

“You are funny, intelligent, and loyal. And I feel like maybe you haven’t met yourself. You’re, uh, remarkably attractive.”

Stiles pulled back. “Am I.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to breathe when you smile.” He reached up and touched a spot on Stiles’ jaw. “And these moles make me dumb.” Stiles’ face flamed. 

Derek leaned his head back over Stiles’ shoulder. Thank god. This was easier without eye contact. “Did you like it when we kissed?”

The question flooded Stiles with shame and he tried to shake it off. “I-” He couldn’t stay anything else.

“Well, I did,” Derek said. Stiles swallowed. “I felt like I’d been waiting for your mouth.”

Stiles laughed loudly at that. “Oh god, I was so clumsy. You were the third person I kissed. I was drunk the first time, and my second didn't last very long. I was very inexperienced.”

“Yeah, but it was glorious. I remember, and it was intoxicating how much you wanted me.”

Intoxicating. Stiles let himself think about it. It was. “Your lips were soft, Derek. I liked licking them. You made these sweet little sounds.” 

“You let me touch you.”

He rolled his eyes. “To be fair, Derek, you were the first person to offer.” Stiles could feel Derek laugh. “Though, Der, I couldn’t have imagined it being anyone else. It was like a distant fantasy had just bizarrely fallen into my lap.”

“And onto your dick.”

He pulled back then, seeing crinkles in Derek’s eyes. “And onto my dick. Yep. Fine, amuse me into whatever this is we’re doing here.” He shook his head. “It felt good. Again, it was like, amazing. Nothing could top being blown by you.” Stiles pressed his lips together, shoulders tensing. He’d avoided thinking thoughts like that. 

“It’s okay, Stiles.” Derek was stroking his arm. “I really, really loved doing it. I was so happy I could make you feel good.” 

Stiles’ breathing hitched. “Okay,” he breathed out, trying to relax his shoulders. He thought back. A little uncomfortable still, he tried, “It was hot watching you after. Knowing you were so worked up that you couldn’t wait for me to calm down, had to bring yourself off right then.” That was easier to say. Derek smiled. 

“My favorite part was after, though, when we talked, Der. Listening to you, and you said so much. I barely had time to reply, and you’d keep talking. I tried to push all that down, but I couldn’t help thinking about your house now and then. Every time I was home, I wondered if you thought more about rebuilding. If you’d talked about it with the pack, if you’d made any designs. I loved thinking about it, thinking about helping you build it.” Derek hugged him again then. “Do you remember much about our conversation, Der?” 

“Yeah, but mostly I remember how relaxed I was. And thinking about how I was safe and content. And good. Like, I couldn’t wait to talk with you again on our date.”

Our date. Stiles pushed the sad thoughts down and pulled back again. “Well, I was hoping for more sex on our date, too.”

“I’m sure that would have been on the table.”

“Maybe you would have been on the table.”

That startled a laugh from Derek. Stiles couldn’t help but smile. “I liked the sex before sleep too,” he surprised himself by saying.

“And the kissing.”

“Yeah, but like, we’d been kissing a lot. Like, a lot lot, and it was great, but uh, it was like, kind of overshadowed when you put our dicks together.”

“You liked that?” 

He let himself remember it. Shook out his arms a bit. “Of course. And I enjoyed waking up to you.”

“Me, too. You move around a lot in bed, though.”

“Well, you’re a furnace at night.”

Derek smirked. “This feels better.” 

He looked at Derek’s face, beautiful with his mouth tipped up on one side. It did. Maybe he could think about it. Maybe it could become a good memory for them.

The doorbell interrupted their staring contest. “Food.” Derek brought it into the kitchen and Stiles helped set it up at the table. Cheeseburgers and curly fries, and milkshakes. 

When they sat down, he looked at Derek. It must have been layered with fondness, because the tips of Derek’s ears went pink. “Thank you for more comfort food, Der.” 

Derek seemed pleased and watched as Stiles dipped fries into his chocolate shake. “I like you happy.” 

Full, calm, and happy, Stiles was done being upright. He wanted to go lay down in bed. Not on the sofa watching tv. And he wanted Derek there with him. He made this known and found Derek to be on board. They made their way to the bedroom, Stiles undressing to his boxers and Derek changing into pj bottoms. 

And then they were laying there, and Stiles wanted to feel.

“Derek,” he said.

“Yeah?”

Shyness surfaced, but he shoved it down. “Could you massage my back?” 

Derek nodded as Stiles turned onto his stomach. He suppressed groans as Derek straddled him and hands moved across his back, his shoulders, his neck. Heaven. The next several minutes were suspended in a kind of floating dream state where Stiles was smiling, there was so much happy, so much touch, and his body hummed as his mind turned down. He tilted his head to look behind him and saw Derek smiling, too, full on with teeth. His little reverie leaked into reality. “Oh my god, bunny smile, I love it, and this feels aaaamaaaazing. Bun, Bunny, Bun.”

“Bun?” Oh, oops. Stiles flipped around, moving Derek down further on his thighs. Derek had his confused eyebrow look going on.

“Um. For your teeth.” Derek blinked. “Derek, you have two looks. The first, which is your normal, you know, smolder - just your face, and then the second, which is when you smile, like with teeth, and you’re fucking adorable. Cuz, you know, your teeth. The, uh, top ones, bunny teeth. Like, it’s completely disarming.”

Derek’s eyes got really wide.

Stiles placed a hand on Derek’s thigh, giving a gentle squeeze. “I won’t say it again. I was just kinda euphoric about your hands and forgot myself.” 

Derek climbed off of him to lie down half over his body, resting his head in the hollow of his neck, a hand on his opposite shoulder. “It’s okay. If you say it. If you call me that.” 

Stiles felt as much as heard it. “Ok.” Drunk off of whatever was going on, his thoughts meandered to where they touched along the length of their bodies. These thoughts were unplatonic in nature. Well shit. Derek needed to know. “Hey Derek.”

“Yeah?”

“I should tell you something.” Derek tensed against him. Stiles’ fingertips played against the nape of his neck, trying to soothe him. “No, no, it’s not bad. At least, I don’t think so. It’s okay, Der,” he said quietly. He waited a moment before continuing.

“This has been a lot, you know? This whole thing, Scott, the weekend. My emotions, and yours too, like, all over the place. And you, I know you’re very touchy, but it’s been so like, I don’t know, like I was parched and you’re what I’ve been drinking from and I can’t stop and I’m just saturated in you.” He paused. “Given everything, it feels weird to say it’s been good, but,” he shrugged, “it has. Like I got back something I never thought I could have. I never had it, but that’s how it feels. Pure relief. Also, intense.” He could feel Derek nodding. “For you, too.” He ran his hand up through Derek’s hair. 

He took a deep breath. “Today, when we were running, like, all the feelings I’d buried, they started flowing in through the cracks. No, they burst through.” He could be brave. He would be. He pressed on.

“And I realized what I was feeling wasn’t only relief and fondness anymore. I was, I’m falling for you, Der. Again. Or maybe it never went away. Maybe I’d just forced it down. I’m flooded with it. With you. I want you, I want you and you’re touching me and it’s overwhelming. And it’s ok, I just, I don’t want there to be more misunderstandings between us. We can go back to the way we were, like before. I want your friendship over nothing, or worse. Just, you needed to know. I mean, you can probably tell anyway with your wolf senses, but words. Words are good. We need words between us. All the words.”

Derek was quiet, but he was there. It was comforting that Derek hadn’t run away. He was glad he’d said all of it. Good to get it out in the open so they could talk about it and move on. Stiles shifted, moving his hand down Derek’s arm and back up and around Derek’s back. “Are you alright, Der?”

Then Derek’s mouth was against his neck, and he stilled. “Stiles, I can’t think about anything but how much I want you. I want to keep you here and never let you leave. I want. Fuck. I want you so badly I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

He sat up, dumping Derek unceremoniously off of him onto his back. Derek let out a small grunt. Stiles propped himself up on a hand, looking down at him. 

“For real?” Derek nodded, looking back. “Like, you want-” He brought his fingers up to Derek’s jaw. “Can I kiss you?” He waited, looking for acknowledgment, running his fingertips back and forth.

Derek nodded. He leaned over and their mouths met. For all the urgency in Derek’s words, he was tentative, and Stiles met him back with gentle licks and nips, kissing up his jaw, back to his mouth, gently sucking on his lower lip. Derek’s hands made their way into his hair, his neck, and he pressed into Stiles’ mouth with his tongue, gradually, like Stiles was going to flee if he moved too fast. Something in his mind exploded at the taste of Derek, and he moaned quietly, but kept with the slow, sweet movements, let Derek press small kisses across his cheek, to his ear. He tilted up Stiles’ chin to lick down his neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses on the way back. 

Stiles sat back, looking at him. Derek looked drunk. He was appreciative. “I feel like, Derek, my god, it feels like, my entire fucking nervous system is haywire in the best possible way.” 

“I’m in love with you, Stiles.” Derek closed his eyes and turned his head away. Stiles stared at him. Oh. Oh. His heart was going to beat right out of his chest. He reached down, wanting to touch every part of Derek’s body, to cover him everywhere with his mouth. But Derek did not look like he was having a good time. So he stopped himself.

“Der, hey.” Derek still faced away from him. Stiles watched his jaw clench, and he ran his thumb along it. Derek flinched.

Stiles tried to break through the buzzing in his mind. He took Derek’s hand. “If this is too much for you, I’ll give you some space. I’ll sleep in the guest room. But, maybe if you think you can, try to feel it. Tonight, just feel this with me? Trust that I am, I am-” he brushed hair back from Derek’s forehead. “- in this with you, I’ve got you,” he finished, resting his hand over Derek’s chest, where his heartbeat was rabbiting, mirroring his own. 

Derek looked at him then and breathed out. “Don’t leave.” Stiles nodded. “I don’t know what I’m afraid of.” 

He nodded again, smiling. “I’m sorry, I can’t stop smiling. You need to know that my brain is putting on a fireworks show. I’m trying to calm it down. I will calm it down.”

“Don’t.” He put his hand on Stiles’ chest. 

“Can you feel my heart trying to take flight?” 

“I could hear it. Feeling it helps.” Derek swallowed and closed his eyes again. And Stiles kissed softly over his eyelids and leaned back. 

Tentatively, Derek said, “I’m trying not to take advantage of what I can sense from you, of your emotions. But, I can’t help it right now. I feel like I’m bathing in it. It feels good.” 

“That is so okay. What am I - what are you getting?”

“Joy.” His ears turned pink. “Some worry. Something like maybe protectiveness. And, desire.”

Stiles smiled again. “Yeah.”
 
Stiles stretched out beside him. He pulled Derek to face him, pressing his lower body against Derek’s. Propping his head up on one hand, he ran his fingertips along Derek’s collarbone, down his arm, resting on his hip. Derek didn’t take his eyes off of him. Stiles enjoyed the heat of their skin touching. He felt Derek hard against him, and desire rolled through him. He nudged his thigh in between Derek’s and used his hand to pull Derek’s hips down. Derek caught on and took over while Stiles moved his thigh slightly. The gentle friction, the pleased notes falling out of Derek’s mouth, fueling tiny explosions throughout his body. 

He kissed the side of Derek’s mouth. “This okay?” 

“Yes.” Derek wrapped a hand around the nape of Stiles’ neck, his fingertips sparking a shiver. “Apparently, I am unable to both freak out and grind my dick against you simultaneously.” 

“Good. Do you think it also works if your dick is in my mouth?” Derek squeezed his neck and kissed him, grinding against him a little less gently.

“Can I, Der?”

“Stiles, are you sure you want, is this all okay with you?” 

Stiles blinked. “Oh Der, trust me, please?” Derek nodded. “I want you. I want you, want you, want you. And uh, I really like this.” Stiles really fucking liked this. He was vibrating with absolute need to get Derek’s mind off-line. Derek kissed him then.

When he pulled away, Stiles motioned for Derek to lie on his back, and then kissed and licked his way down his body. He stopped to spend some time at his nipples, reveling in the movement of Derek’s muscles, the feel of Derek’s hands in his hair. “Stiles.” 

He flicked at a nipple with his tongue. After a moment, he moved down, touching hips and sides. He pulled down Derek’s pjs and Derek kicked them off. He brought his hands under Derek’s ass. Tiny pulses of heat ran through him when he pressed his fingers into Derek’s cheeks. This man had the best ass. He gave a little moan, causing Derek to flex. Then he ran his tongue along Derek’s hip bone, down further, down to his thigh. Spreading Derek’s legs apart, he took time to kiss down the soft skin of his inner thighs. Nipping, tongue making circles as he moved back up. He licked at the creases where his thighs met his groin. He took a moment to look at Derek’s cock. It was just as gorgeous as the last time. 

“Fuck, Der. Your cock is perfect.” 

Derek watched him. He licked a stripe up his cock, and Derek groaned. Settling in between Derek’s legs, he licked at his balls, pulling them into his mouth and running his tongue around them before letting go. Hard from the sounds Derek was making, he pressed a hand to his own cock; a few strokes to relieve some pressure. He took Derek’s cock in his hand and licked up again, making sure Derek could watch. He took the top of his foreskin in his mouth and gentled around it with his tongue, pressing his tongue inside to lick around the head. Derek’s thighs squeezed around him and “fuck” fell out of his mouth. Stiles smiled, pulling back. 

“I take it that feels good.” Derek breathed out a yes. So Stiles did it some more. He moved his foreskin down below the head and stroked Derek with his hand while sucking and licking at the tip and frenulum. He took over more with his mouth and let his hand focus at the base, using his tongue and sucking as much as he could while bobbing up and down. 

Once Derek’s hips started to twitch a bit, he pulled back. With one hand he continued to jack him and used the fingertips of the other to press at his perineum. Light circles, more pressure as he bent down to lick at the tip of his cock. Derek made a hitched breathy sound. 

“Derek.” Stiles leaned down to press his tongue to Derek’s perineum. He thought about using his tongue on Derek’s hole, but decided he would save showing Derek how his mouth could be used for chaotic good another time. “Can I play with your prostate?” Something hit his shoulder. 

“Sorry,” Derek said, out of it. Stiles picked up the item that hit him. Well, that was a fantastic answer, as he squeezed out lube into his hand. He sent a silent thank you to William, or whoever had introduced Derek to this. He left Derek’s cock alone for a bit. “Put your feet on the bed.” As he complied, Stiles ran his finger along Derek’s hole. He shivered. Fuck. Stiles could come if he got any friction against his cock right now. He made circles around it and slowly pressed the tip in, and Derek made a sound. “This ok?” 

Derek nodded. “Please do not stop.” It was more breathed than spoken.

Stiles pushed in and pressed up until Derek jolted and made an obscene sound. Got it. “Can I use two fingers?” 

“Yes, fuck.”

He was burning hot inside. Stiles asked questions and explored until he figured out what made him lose his mind. He kept that movement, watching how Derek responded, which was god damned beautiful, and alternated between sucking and jacking him. It took a lot of concentration, but it was worth it given the absolutely feral sounds Derek was making. It wouldn’t be long, anyway. 

Derek started making little “ah-ah-ah” sounds, his hands moving to Stiles’ hair, then gripping his shoulders. His thighs and stomach were tensing, and he was making random jerking movements. Stiles kept his lips pressed tight around Derek’s cock and used his tongue to mostly swirl over Derek’s frenulum or suck at the head, keeping motion with his hands. Three more strokes and Derek shouted out and spilled into Stiles’ mouth. Stiles swallowed some, but paid more attention to working Derek’s prostate and cock through his orgasm. Derek was incoherent, all moans and shudders, eventually pulling out of his mouth and pressing on his arm to stop. 

Stiles was ready to explode. He wiped his hands on the sheet, pulled off his boxers, lubed up his cock and moved up on top of Derek, pressing his cock against his stomach. “Oh my god that was the hottest thing I have ever seen or heard. Can I grind against you, Der?” Derek nodded and a lubed hand wrapped around his cock and oh, yes, that was even better. Ten seconds of fucking into Derek's hand and he came with his teeth latched onto Derek’s neck. 

He collapsed next to Derek, kissing his cheek. Derek turned to face him, taking a breath. He was so fucking beautiful it was unreal. “Jesus, Stiles, you’re like,” he gazed at Stiles’ mouth. “My hands are tingling. That was, holy shit. You’re amazing.” 

“Yeah. I, um, well, you’re sexy as fuck.” Derek kept looking at him. Stiles rubbed at his jaw. “Also, you’re kind of big,” he said, as he moved his jaw around. Derek frowned at him, cheeks pink. Fuck, that was adorable. “I love it. I love your enormous cock, Derek. In my mouth. Shutting me up.” He winked and then bit at Derek’s ear. 

“Good lord, Stiles. I’m actually not.” Derek put his palm over Stiles’ mouth. Stiles licked. Derek pulled away, laughing. They were both pretty average, and well, that was awesome because it made things a lot easier. 

“Thank fuck, because any bigger and mouth-dick playdates would be few and far between.” 

“My god.”

“I’m sex-stupid right now, Derek. And thirsty.” 

Derek got up and came back with water and a washcloth. They cleaned up and laid back down. 

“Wow,” Stiles said.

Derek looked at him. 

Stiles poked him. “What? This is wow worthy.” 

“Yes. I’m still coming down from all the wow.” 

They laid there as their minds came back lazily. Derek turned him on his side and spooned him. “I’m going to fall asleep soon and I want to hold you.” 

“Ooh, I will never turn this down.” Derek was fidgety behind him. “Remember. You can trust this.” He brought Derek’s hand up and kissed his fingertips. 

That had been a lot. But it was good. Maybe they could have another chance. Or maybe Derek wouldn’t be able to do it. That was a worry for Tomorrow Stiles. Tonight Stiles was loved by Derek and they’d had hot sex.

The last thing he heard was Derek reminding him of his appointment, and that he’d try not to wake him. 

Chapter Text

Stiles woke to Derek pulling up jeans. He watched for a moment as the night before rushed back into his head. He reached out a hand, and Derek sat down on the bed next to where he was sprawled.

Yawning, he asked, “Do I still move around a lot?” 

Derek nodded and ran his hand across Stiles’ forehead, pushing away the fringe.  

“Mmm. You leaving now?” Anxiety wriggled its way into his chest and he frowned. Derek placed a hand over his heart. 

“I’ll be back in two hours. Stay, Stiles.” 

Stiles tried to slow his heartbeat. 

“I know. I am irrationally weirded out. Because this feels like.” He couldn’t finish.

“It’s not irrational. But it is different. Two hours.”

Stiles nodded, then focused on Derek again. Who has a right to look like him? Stiles benefits, so maybe it wasn’t a bad thing. “I am the luckiest. You look delicious, Der.”

Derek gave him eyebrows. 

“Oh, wait - bun. You look delicious, bunny,” Stiles corrected. 

A flush joined the eyebrows. “That sounds, uh, I am not sure how that sounds.” 

Stiles shrugged, running his thumb over Derek’s bottom lip. “You’ll get used to it. Also, I’m a little delirious.”

Derek kissed him, said “stay,” and then walked out of the room.

Of course Stiles would stay. But he wasn’t going back to sleep. He sat up and rubbed at his face, looking at the nightstand. 8:40. He laid back down and stared at the ceiling. He was here. This weekend had happened. This fucking weekend had happened. Derek loved him. Holy fuck. 

He hopped off the bed and turned on the shower. He’d never showered here before this weekend. Not even in the grossest creature explosions. This time, he let himself enjoy it. The hot water rivulets were a holy experience. He realized Derek’s shampoo didn’t smell like anything. He should have guessed, probably messed with his senses. Oh man, that meant he just smelled good generally. But, well, not a bad thing anymore, because Stiles got to have this now. Maybe. Huh. He gave his ass some special attention. In case things went well and Derek wanted to lick him there. Or something. Not like he was imagining it. He was imagining it. Derek on his knees behind him, Stiles’ hands on the wall. Okay. Stop. Stop. Stop. Focus, Stiles. Today was important. It really was. Stiles didn’t know what Derek would say when he got back. Last night was, what, heat of the moment. Drowning in sex hormones. Daylight brought clarity. Was he talking about what happened with his therapist right now? Undoubtedly. Gaawwwwd. 

Dry and clothed, teeth brushed, he wandered around. He ran his hands across nearly all the books on Derek’s bookshelves. He touched everything on his way to the kitchen. After drinking several glasses of water, he found and ate a granola bar, leaving crumbs everywhere. Look- it was very crunchy and crumbly. And then he failed to find the coffee. He flopped down onto the sofa and figured he could read to take his mind of things. He grabbed a sci-fi book.

At 10:15, his phone chirped. Derek was on his way back. Stiles got buzzy with energy. He put the book down on the coffee table. Picked it back up and stuck a piece of paper to bookmark it. Took another trip to the bathroom and drank more water. He was not freaking out. He was tapping his fingers on the counter, debating whether to have another granola bar when he heard a noise outside. Walking over to the window, he watched Derek come up the stairs. Stiles opened the door, bouncing and unfocused. Derek’s arms were full and Stiles followed him to the kitchen. 

Derek nudged a coffee cup toward him. “Vanilla latte.” Stiles made a noise that he usually reserved for sex. Derek blinked, then pulled out croissants and muffins from a bag. Stiles grabbed a croissant and leaned against the counter. 

“Thanks, Derek, you are an above average provider. I’m pleased by you.” He smiled, tearing off a piece of the croissant, dipping it in his coffee and shoving it in his mouth. Oh my god. He made another sex noise, maybe this time on purpose, and watched Derek’s nostrils flare. “Well-pleased, Der.” 

Derek took a sip of his own coffee and a bit of a muffin. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

“Did you actually think I’d leave?” His mouth was still full, but pretty sure Derek could still understand him.

Derek shook his head. “I don’t know. It feels a little surreal.”

“Mmhmm.”

Stiles pushed him toward the couch where it was far more comfortable. They ate quietly, Stiles the recipient of adorable little smiles from Derek. He was feeling fantastic. Sugared up, sated. So good. He leaned back against the arm of the couch and placed his feet on Derek’s lap. 

“So.”

Derek took a breath. “So.”

Stiles waited, wiggling his feet.

“I talked to my therapist today. Obviously.” Stiles nodded. “I needed someone outside of this to talk to. She’s, well, I’ve been seeing her for a few years now. Once a month now.” 

Stiles nodded again, trying to keep his racing thoughts at bay. “Ok.”

“I’m, I was getting into my head, and, you know, I was feeling like, afraid to get hurt again. I mean, it was, well, you know, it was awful. And I kept having to remind myself it wasn’t real. Which is so fucked up.” 

Derek ran his hands over Stiles’ ankles. “I told you last night that I was in love with you.” 

Stiles’ face grew warm. He fucking loved hearing that.

“I don’t need you to say it back. That’s not what, that’s not why I said it. I only want you to know. Need you to know. It was not a lust-fueled confession, Stiles. Since we, since the bar when we talked, it’s been impossible not to feel things for you again. I couldn’t help it. I still thought, though, that it was better to have you in my life and just try to ignore that part. It was very hard. Scott. Scott started telling us at meetings about how you’d regale him with your latest hook-ups. It was painful to hear. I understand now, I know why he made such a production of it.” Ugh. He was going to smother Scott. “Friday, as soon as I understood what had happened back then, my feelings for you were like, immediately standing on the edge of every nerve in my body.”

When it didn’t look like he was going to continue, Stiles moved. He climbed over Derek, straddling him. “Is this ok?” Derek nodded. He leaned back a bit and settled, pulling Derek’s hands into his own. 

“You’re kind. Beautiful. Unbelievable, Der.” At that, Derek reached up and put his hand around the back of Stiles’ neck, pulling him toward him. He slouched down a little and rested his head against Derek’s shoulder. 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, thinking, as warm puffs of air skittered alongside his face. “Would you, Derek, do you think we could try something together? To be together? Or is that too much right now?”

He willed his heart to slow. “Do you want that, Stiles?” Derek had turned so his mouth was against the tip of Stiles’ ear. He could feel Derek breathing him in.

“Oh my god, yes. I want that. I want that so much.” His heart was back to galloping. He pulled Derek’s hand in between them and awkwardly flattened it against his chest. “I know you can hear this. Feel it. At the risk of being sappy as fuck, I don’t think it ever stopped being yours. Property of Derek Hale. This heart. Please, please tell me you want this, too.”

Derek’s arms wrapped around him, gripping him tightly, and there were teeth resting against his neck. “Yes.” He pulled back to see Derek’s eyes red, his canines longer, and then his mouth was on Stiles’. Gentle, but insistent. Then Stiles found himself on his side, a partially shifted werewolf wrapping limbs around his body, mouthing and biting and licking. 

Stiles knew they’d need to talk, he knew there were Important Things to discuss, Serious Things, and maybe he should even see a therapist himself. But he also knew it was going to be alright. Better than alright. Amazing. As they stripped off their clothes, he gave way to the endorphin show igniting across his body. They had time now, so he let his thoughts scatter and spread out across their future. And he reached for Derek.