Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS MY FIRST CHATFIC ;DD


**Aether has added 82 people into the groupchat**

**chat has been renamed to ‘Thank Fuck it’s Friday’**

Aether: thank me later ;D

**Aether is offline**


Lumine: WHAT THE FUCK

Tartaglia: LMAOOOOOO

Venti: so…did anyone do Prof. Pierro’s homework please I need answers plspsllsp 

Tartaglia: loser, Pierro sucks ass anyways

Pierro: Pardon.

**Tartaglia is offline**

Yae Miko: HAHAHAHA

Venti: AJAJJAISJJAKQIJSKSJS

Lumine: IM SHITTING LEGOS :skull:

Thoma: Lumine are you okay D:

Lumine: no

Albedo: I have the answers for the homework Venti

Venti: this is why I love you

Xiao: HUH

Venti: I’m leaving you <\3333

Albedo: sorry ;D

Sucrose: I just saw someone drop their Taco Bell order then started crying

Ei: that’s Scaramouche

Sucrose: oh shit

Albedo: HUH

Venti: HUH

Aether: HUH

Lumine: HUH

Nahida: HUH

Tsarita: HUH

**Tsarita is offline**

Scaramouche: I am going to set this school on fire.

Tartaglia: emo ass bitch

Zhongli: Ajax, may I have my glasses back?

Tartaglia: can I have my virginity back

Kaeya: you whore

Venti: ong bro

Rosaria: babe it’s time for your pegging session, you still haven’t come yet ;(


**Sucrose and Rosaria are offline**

Crepus: I’m rolling with the lgbt 

Diluc: DAD???

Kaeya: DAD??????

**Crepus is offline**


 Klee: these bitches wildin 

Albedo: why are you in the college group chat, you’re in 2nd grade

Klee: bitch shut up :skull:

Albedo:…

Lumine: slay

Faruzan: did anyone study for prof. Signora’s exam next week

Kaveh: WE HAVE AN EXAM???

Venti: JWIANAKAIJSIAKWIJAIZJ!?!?!!????!!

Tighnari: WHAAAAAAAATTTT THEEEE FUCCCCKKKK?????

Aether: I was too busy doing YOUR MOMM

Faruzan: my mom is dead :skull:

Lumine: oop

Venti: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Bennett: SKO______MEME S HEYS__P EMEG

Kaeya: love the wifi 

Barbara: bitch stfu I’m tryna sing for CHOIR

Jean: now who taught you how to cuss

Barbara: you :skull:

Jean: I-

Lisa: LMAOOOOO



**Everyone is offline**

2:18 AM
 

Venti: poosay tight poosay clean poosay fresh

Xiao: I’m going to kick you off my bed

Venti: babe no

Lumine: y’all I hear moaning from Childe’s dorm omg

Venti: WHAT

Kaeya: I’m awake 

Lumine: I always knew this ginger twink is a bottom 

Aether: ginger twink:skull: :skull:

Lumine: y’all don’t hear that damn bed creaking and him screaming

Faruzan: I invented a flying camera for this

Aether: tell us what’s happening 

Faruzan: oh my.

Lumine: oh no

Faruzan: this abouta get KINKY.

**Lumine and Aether are offline**

Venti: HAIAKNSISMSKK

Kaeya: LMAO

Diluc: BITCH STFU

Dainsielf: huh

Diluc: nothing daddy :pleadingeyes:

Kaeya: this is fatherless behaviour 

AlHaitham: what’s up y’all it’s Nicki Minaj

Nahida: what the fuck

AlHaitham: it’s Kaveh, I stole his phone LMAOOOOOOO

Nahida: slay

Scaramouche: Nahida?

Ei: go to sleep bitch

Yae miko: come back to bed mommy

Kokomi: mommy what are you doing

Kujou Sara: mommyyy

Scaramouche: HUH

Ei: I can explain

Nahida: HAHAHAHA

Signora: slay soul sister

Lumine: is everyone horny this night

Nahida: it’s Friday night so

Aether: lastfridaynight

Lumine: weweredancingontabletops

Hu Tao: boo

Venti: I’m fucking your brother.

Hu Tao: this is friendless behaviour 

Yanfei: fr

Yelan: ong bro

Hu Tao: wanna make out

Yelan: yeah

Yanfei: yeah

Shenhe: yeah

Xiao: …

Xiangling: slay

Thoma: GUYS THERE’S A FIRE IN THE KICTHEN

Yomiya: that’s me lolololo oops :heart:

Ayaka: I’ll stop pegging you

Yomiya: NO.

Tartaglia: WHO THE FUCK SET THE FIRE ALARAM OFF WHILE IM FUCKING XIANGSHENG

Zhongli: it’s technically me fucking you so uhm

Chongyun: HUH

Xingqiu: WHO DECIDED TO INTERRUPT MY DAILY FANFIC READINV

Chongyun: YOUR HUH

Shinbou: stfu

**Shinbou is offline**

Itto: YOOO THIS IS LIT!!!

Gorou: THERES A FIRE YOU IDIOT

Kokomi: dw I got this

Sara: slay mommy

Ei: slay mommy

Yae miko: slay mommy

Itto: yoo no fire can I cuddle you puppy

Gorou: you’re literally a floor below me

Itto: oh :,(

12:09 PM

Pierro: is everyone asleep

Signora: LMAO YEAH

Dottore: HAHAHAHA

Pantalone: LLLLL BOZOSSS

Pierro: IMAGINE BEING ASLEEP LOLOLOLOL CANT IMAGINEEEE

Ganyu: I’m awake

Pierro: good afternoon Ganyu

Signora: fake ass bitch

Signora: I FORGOR THIS IS NOT THE TEACHERS GC HELP

Pierro: DUMBASS

Ganyu: uh ok

Ganyu: what’s happening in today’s lesson 

Pierro: it’s Saturday. Ganyu.

Ganyu: OH :skull:

**3:07 PM**

Tartaglia: my ass hurts

Zhongli: I apologize, Ajax

Diluc: y’all got fucked too.

Sucrose: yeah

Kazuha: yeah

Kokomi: yeah

Yanfei: yeah

Hu Tao: loser

Tomo: KAZUHAAAAAAAA

Kazuha: is tama here

Tomo: no but-

Kazuha: pathetic

Tomo: :(

Fischl: awaken my dear fellowships, arisen by the heating sun Fischl supposes- I’ll provide every comrade a amount of clarity and cherish a fellow afternoon to all people!

Oz: she means hello and good afternoon

AlHaitham: fancy ass bitch

Fischl: I am going to shatter you like glass.

Chapter Text

this is my last drop of sanity writing this holy fucking shit
.

*Thank Fuck, it’s Friday groupchat*

Aether: poosay tight poosay clean

Lumine: wtf

Aether: LMAO

Hu Tao: LMAOOO

Tartaglia: so about the plan

Hu Tao: yeah

Tartaglia: let’s run this back rq:
Me and Xiansheng will pick up, Rosaria, Kaeya, Yanfei, Yelan and Diluc
Aether and Lumine will get, Itto, Kokomi, Shenhe, Gorou, Hu Tao, and Albedo
After I pick up Yanfei, she will get: Venti, Yomiya, Thoma, Xiao, Kaveh and Ahaitham.

Lumine: seems about right, 12:00 AM?

Tartaglia: this is why you’re my favorite

Aether: I’m going to skin you alive.

Zhongli: this plan seems rather odd, considering the people you picked out.

Tartaglia: it’s gonna go great ;D

Zhongli: didn’t we have a special arrangement due at 10:00 PM at your dorm today?

Aether: what special arrangement

Lumine: HUH

Aether: OH

Tartaglia: SHHHHH THIS ISN’T PRIVATE CHATSSS

**private chat with: Zhongli and Tartaglia**

Zhongli: I apologize for the commotion I caused earlier, I wasn’t very aware

Tartaglia: it’s fine Xiansheng! As long as I tell you, we are good :D

Zhongli: very well then, may I see the equipment you bought today

*Tartaglia has attached 1 image*

Zhongli: I see~

Tartaglia: I knew you’d like them, especially my costumes

Zhongli: your natural body is all I crave for, nude or not.

Tartaglia: aaaa stop it- you’re making me blush in front of my roommate D;

Zhongli: who is your roommate again?

Tartaglia: Scaramouche

Zhongli: let him know, baobei~

Tartaglia: Xiansheng~

*Thank Fuck It’s Friday group chat*

Aether: are they flirting rn, @Scaramouche check @Tartaglia phone

Scaramouche: ew yes they are

Scaramouche: HELP I JUST SAW A PINK DILDO WITH A BUNNY SUIT IMAGE

Lumine: WHAT THE FUCK

Tartaglia: who pinged me

Tartaglia: MAN FUCK YOU

Lumine: HORNY ASS GINGER :cry: :cry: :cry:

Aether: eww imagine having sex

Lumine: ikr, @aroaces we all hate sex!

Mona: so true

Collei: REAL

Faruzan: facts!

Kuki Shinobou: true

Layla: real

Candance: real

Aether: so true

Tartaglia: lame ass bitches

Thoma: I just got back from Ayato shoving anal beads up my anus so what’s up you guys

Lumine: holy shit are you okay

Thoma: my dignity and my ass are both destroyed what do you want from me

Aether: #prayforthoma2023

Lumine: #prayforthoma2023

Faruzan: sorry I was offline, Yoimiya set fireworks with Klee in the Professor Sandrone’s again

Albedo: how the fck did Klee get into Celestia University

Faruzan: idfk all I know is that they both jumped out of the window and crashed into my dorm and know they’re both hiding under my couch

Faruzan: update: Sayu, Klee, Qiqi, Diona, Dori and Paimon broke into Celestia University so keep an eye out for angry meat flesh eating toddlers

Albedo: wh-

Hu Tao: can confirm, Qiqi is currently sitting on my ceiling

Xiao: HUH

Diluc: anyone missing a pink cat furry

Faruzan: that’s Diona

Diluc: she’s screaming at me because I work as a bartender

Diona: FUCK YOU YOU RED HAIRED PUBIC INCOMPETENT STRAWBERRY BUILT ASS HOMOSEXUAL

Diluc: now I’m not into violence against kids.

Kaveh: I think I found Dori

Faruzan: how come?

Kaveh: she’s trying to sell fidgets for 50000 mora

Faruzan: ok but are they good

Kaveh: an IPhone pop it, two squid game pop its, leaf and tear simple dimples, two silly monkeys and a green…cube

Faruzan: seems fair to me

Kaveh: wh

Pantalone: all students must be at their dorms by 9:00 PM, if you are seen after curfew- you’ll be sent into detention.

Aether: well see ya

*everyone is offline*

9:30 PM

*Thank Fuck it’s Friday groupchat*

Aether: why do I suffer from having the dorm next to Childe’s.

Lumine: are they fucking again

Aether: yes.

Lumine: L

Hu Tao: can confirm, I’m also next to Childe’s dorm, Scaramouche is hiding with me

Aether: the fuck you hiding for

Scaramouche: I’m asexual, idiot

Aether: slay

Hu Tao: HE’S PULLING HIS COCK OUT!!!!!!!!!

Lumine: IS THAT A FUCKING MOST CRITICAL REFERENCE

Aether: is that a JoJo reference?

Diluc: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Dainsleif: something wrong, firefly?

Diluc: these fucking idiots

Dainsleif: you can turn on silent mode

Diluc: yeah but I’m also trying to fight this fucking furry

Diona: fight back bitch

Diluc: oh I’m about to, alright

Dainsleif: would you like backup ^^

Diluc: that would be an honor

Layla: honk mimimimimimi honk mimimimimimimimimimimimi honk mimimimimimimimi

Mona: bro’s eepy :cry: :cry:

Layla: KILL YOURSELF

Mona: woah there mamacita 😭

Layla: sorry I don’t talk to Geminis.

Mona: I’M A VIRGO HUHHH

Layla: even worse

Razor: Virgo…what

Layla: the most vile people in Teyvat

Razor: what’s a Teyvat

Layla: earth

Razor: ok

Aether: I think the bed broke lmao

Mona: HOW???

Aether: Zhongli hit it too hard ig

Lumine: I wanna bet it’s his back

Aether: Zhongli’s or Childe’s?

Lumine: childe.

Aether: most likely

Ayato: it’s been a while since I used my phone, good evening

Lumine: hi ayato

Ayato: hello Lumine

Ayato: interesting groupchat name.

Aether: I love it

Ayato: whatever suits your…liking…Aether.

Aether: are you judging me

Ayato: I am not, perhaps our interests aren’t alike after all..

Lumine: he’s judging you.

Ayaka: brother, what the fuck

Ayato: what

Ayaka: YOU SOLD MY HEELS FOR A PUPPY COSPLAY?????

Ayato: I have priorities, sister

Venti: WOOOOWEEEEEE I JUST GOT BACK AND I HAVE A SHIT TON OF WINE FROM ANGEL’S SHARE

Diluc: JUST BECAUSE YOU TURNED 24 DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN STEAL OUT OF MY WORK PLACE

Venti: I know what are your kinks.

Diluc: you can pay on 3/15 with no tips :)

Lumine: what are his kinks

Aether: xoxo gossip girl

Venti: hair pulling, wax play

Lumine: not surprised keep going

Venti: co-

Diluc: SHUR THE FRUCK UP}!

Lumine: shur :hearteye:

Aether: Venti, private chat me the next few ones rq

Venti: kk

Hu Tao: hey guys, update on Zhongli and Childe: CHILDE ALMOST BROKE HIS DAMN LEGS?????

Lumine: WHAT

Scaramouche: YES HE LITERALLY SENT ME A PIC OF HIM IN THE HOSPITAL BED

Lumine: SHOWSHOW

*Scaramouche has attached 1 image*

Aether: L

Tartaglia: hey guys, texting from DendroBloom hospital, me and Xiansheng will NOT participate in the sneaking out to 7/11 so Kaeya and Mona will cover for us

Scaramouche: ew you’re alive

Hu Tao: damn it.

Tartaglia: you sad that I can’t come? ):

Hu Tao: I’m sad you’re not dead

Tartaglia: OH FUCK YOU TOO

Yoimiya: 5 MINUTES GUYSS!!

*everyone is offline*

12:09 AM

Kaeya: HOLY SHIT HOLYYY SHITT

Rosaria: SHUT THE FUCK UP BLUEBERRY I’M GETTING YANFEI

Yanfei: thanks bro

Rosaria: no prob dude

Yanfei: dab me up

Rosaria: aight

Yelan: terrible timing you guys, I already picked up Diluc, Mona, Aether and Lumine

Lumine: thanks again

Aether: we’re gonna be offline for a bit

Mona: see ya later

Mona: OH GOD KAEYA AND DILUC ARE FIGHTING!!

Yelan: RECORD RECORD

Mona: I am

Yelan: PLEASEEE SEND IT AFTER

Diona: bet those hoes fight like cats lmaooooo

Mona: you are a cat.

Diona: shut up Virgo

Mona: I

Lumine: WE’RE BACK!

Kokomi: hello

Itto: HEYYY

Gorou: hi!!

Shenhe: good evening

Hu Tao: YO!!

Albedo: hi

Kaeya: ALBEDOOOOOOOOOOO

Albedo: hi kaeya

Yomiya: yo!

Thoma: hey guys!

Venti: eep

Xiao: hi

Kaveh: WHAT IS UPP

AlHaitham: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LETS GO

Yelan: I’m driving btw

1:23 AM

AlHaitham: FUCK I LOST KAVEH

AlHaitham: FUDCURIKCUFICK

Kaveh: these taquitos fire

Mona: this slushee got my bootycheeks clenching omg

Kaveh: omg share bestie

Albedo: a my tongue is purple

Mona: how come

Kaeya: I had a blue slushee, Albedo got red

Mona: huh?

Mona: OH MY GOD

Kaveh: @alhaitham us?

AlHaitham: NO.

AlHaitham: meet me at the slushee center

Kaveh: ok <3

Rosaria: I got: sour patch kids, peanuts, candy and…almond tofu?

Rosaria: OH GOD XIAO JUST APPEARED

Rosaria: HE TOOK THE FUCKXING ALMOND TOFU}}!?????

Venti: it’s a shame they don’t sell wine, at least there’s some good coffee

Venti: I just nutted myself

Yoimiya: anyone want slim jims

Thoma: I could have some

Kokomi: urrrghhhh this blue slushee so good I’m gonna commit a war crime

Itto: ikr I nutted myself

Gorou: *growls* real

Hu Tao: I never knew my favorite food could be slim jims

Yelan: guys @everyone

Yelan: I just saw Professor Sandrone.

Hu Tao: OH FUCK

Yelan: EVERYONE HIDE IN THE RESTROOMS NOWNWOWNOW

Gorou: OH SHE LOOKS PISSSEEDSD

Kokomi: CAN WE SVEN FIT IN THIS

Diluc: IDFK JUST SHOVE

Sandrone: welcome to detention, bitches