Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Aki! Come on, Aki, wait up!”

My little brother, Taiyo, was trudging along behind me in the snow, trying his best to keep up with me despite feeling sick. At first I thought he was faking it but once we got out there in the cold, hearing him breathe heavily over the crunch of our boots filled me with a wave of guilt.

“Quit following me,” I shouted in a feeble attempt to make him turn back. Maybe if I tried hard enough he would go back inside and get some rest. After all, if he got even sicker from playing with me then my parents would have blamed me, for sure. 

A few seconds went  by with no response–just the sound of our boots crunching together in synchronicity. Frustrated, I bent over and scooped a snowball into the palm of my hand.

“You’re so annoying!” I shouted, turning around finally to face him. “I said cut it out!”
I hurled a snowball at him, aiming for just below his chest–after all, I didn’t want to hurt the kid.

“I said I’d play by myself–” I was cut off by a wad of snow suddenly slapping me square in the face. I wiped the ice off with my hands and saw my brother grinning before he burst out in laughter. Oh, it’s on I thought, grabbing another fistful of snow and hurling it towards him. We went back and forth for what felt like hours, though it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes max . 

Eventually we collapsed into the snow, breathing heavily and smiling at one another. I rolled over and looked at his face, noticing just how red he’d gotten. I knew he shouldn’t be out here but I was selfish and having a good time, so I thought of a solution.

“Hey, Taiyo. If you catch a cold, I’m going to get in trouble.”

He lifted his hands up, examining his red fingers and frowning. It must have dawned on him, too, that this wasn’t the best idea ever.

“However,” I said, standing up. “I bet your hands won’t get cold if we play catch, right?”

He looked at me before shooting back onto his feet, smiling.

“Go grab a glove from inside. I’ll wait right here for you.”

He smiled so widely that his eyes squinted shut before turning around and running down the road back to our house. I smiled behind his back, happy to at least somewhat look out for him. As I watched him run back, however, the road felt like it was getting longer and longer, stretching out further and further as a sense of dread filled my body and my veins filled with ice.

“Taiyo, come back!” I screamed, trying desperately for him to hear me over the wind that began to roar around us. “Don’t go home, Taiyo! Don’t go into the house!”

I started crying, my face covered in hot tears. No matter how hard I yelled for him to stop, Taiyo kept running, further and further down the outstretched road. The snow around us began to melt and suddenly I started to sink into the lake that was forming around me, eventually plunging down into the depths of the water. I was sinking, drowning , and couldn’t breathe no matter how hard I tried. Without thinking, I opened my mouth out of reflex and my lungs filled with icy water before I felt my entire body jump and the world around me turned to black.

You’re out of touch

I’m out of time (time)

But I’m out of my head when you’re not around

I woke up with my face nestled into the palm of my hand and drool dribbling down my wrist. After a brief second of confusion I gathered my thoughts and remembered where I was; it was move-in day at Uni and I was in the passenger seat of my Dad’s SUV . . . adoptive dad, that is.

“You okay, Aki?” he said, his slightly monotone voice sprinkled with what sounded like genuine concern. It’s not like my nightmares were some kind of secret, seeing as I’ve had them pretty consistently since I was a teenager, but I guess it must be pretty weird to witness me having one.

“Yeah,” I murmured, rolling my eyes and reaching for the radio and changing the channel. “This shitty song must have scared me in my sleep.”

“Hey now,” he said, chuckling. “Don’t go insulting Hall and Oates like that!”

“Whatever,” I responded, confident that the subject was successfully avoided once more. “How much longer until we’re there?”

“Not too much, I reckon. Thirty minutes, maybe?” He shrugged his shoulders with his tired eyes facing the road. “Are you excited to meet your roommate?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Sure, because living with a complete stranger is exactly what I’m most looking forward to in college, Kishibe.”

“Hmmm.” He tried to mask it, but I could tell it still bothered him that I called him by his first name. It probably wasn’t very fair of me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to call him dad. It was still too difficult. Too painful.

A few minutes went by in silence, with only the soft hum of the tires filling the car.

“You know,” he started again, “your father was my first roommate in college and wound up being my best friend. Try having an open mind.”

“Yeah, well, he’s dead. So . . .” I stated very matter-of-factly. I wasn’t particularly upset by him bringing my dad up but I wasn’t going to sit here and reminisce about the old days with him, either.

He sighed and dropped it and the rest of the car ride was silent until we finally made it to campus. After getting lost too many times to count on the various one-way streets, we pulled up to a large five-story building with an ornate sign in front that read “DIVISION FOUR DORMITORY”. The campus was divided into various different divisions; arbitrarily, from what I’ve gathered, but I guess it must have some purpose when it comes to organizing the layout of buildings. I found out a few weeks ago I was assigned to Division Four, although I had no idea who my roommate was going to be.

We loaded all of my boxes onto one of the dollies that littered the front lawn for move-in day–I didn’t bring a whole lot of stuff, but that’s mostly because I don’t really own a lot of stuff to begin with. Just a few boxes of clothes, cookware, a tv, and a few books on animals is all I really had, plus a mini fridge that Kishibe absolutely assured me would be necessary for my college experience. I didn’t really have any hobbies except for cooking, so he figured I may as well try and use the communal kitchen when I can.

We made it up to the fifth floor and strolled down the hallway in silence before making it to Room 555.

“Your new home,” he said, gesturing toward the door. “Ready?”

“Yerah, whatever.” I shrugged and opened it before walking in, Kishibe rolling in behind me. The room was small, barely the size of my living room back home, with two sides that mirrored each other. The left side was for my roommate and the right side was for me; I knew this because while the right side of the room was barren and empty, the left side was already completely set up and decorated. Their walls were covered in charcoal drawings of landscapes and buildings and winged creatures and their desk was full of art supplies.

Kishibe whistled as he examined my roommate’s side.

“I’m guessing he’s an artist?” he commented, folding his hands over his chest.

“What tipped you off?” I said sarcastically, turning around and opening the box with my bedsheets in it. We unpacked a little bit before he got a phone call and went into the hallway. I looked around and inspected my roommate’s side some more, wondering where the hell he was and why I suddenly felt so anxious to meet him.

“Aki,” Kishibe said suddenly, scaring me a little and snapping me out of my daze. “I hate to bounce already but work just called and they need me for the graveyard shift. You gonna be okay meeting your roommate alone?”

“Yeah, Kishibe, I’ll be fine. I’m not a child.”

“Jury’s still out on that one, I’m afraid.” He walked up to me and stood up tall; even though I wouldn’t consider myself short by any means, my adoptive dad still managed to tower over me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and nodded. “I’m really proud of you, Aki. I mean it.”

I looked him in the eye and could see the sincerity behind them.

“Thanks,” was all I could muster out. We stood there in silence before he pulled me in for a hug, eventually letting go and walking out the door, closing it behind him. I let out a sigh and suddenly felt very exhausted, deciding to save all the unpacking for tomorrow and just shower and go to bed early. I dug out my soap and shampoo from one of my boxes, as well as a clean towel, and ran the water at full blast before stepping in.

As I rinsed the suds out of my hair, I inspected my roommate’s stuff he’d left around the bathtub–a bottle lavender-scented soap and some very expensive-looking French shampoo and conditioner–and figured at the very least he must be hygienic.

I guess I’ll take that as a win.

I turn the water off, reaching for my towel and drying myself off before realizing I forgot to unpack my clothes.

“Shit.” I crack the bathroom door open and peek out, noticing that the sun has set completely outside and the room itself was still empty. I walked out of the bathroom and began heading towards my boxes before my eye caught a picture I must have missed before hanging over my roommate’s bed. Tightening my towel a bit, I slowly got closer to it before realizing it was a portrait of a beautiful man with long, billowing hair, flying through the sky with a pair of large, black bat wings. No, not flying.

Falling.

“Hello?”

The sudden voice snapped me out of it and I jumped, letting go of my towel in surprise and causing it to fall as I simultaneously turned around, accidentally exposing myself.

“Fuck!” I shout, grabbing the towel and pulling it back around me. “Sorry. You scared the shit out of me, man!”

“Oh.” he said, barely a whisper. “I apologize for scaring you.”

“It’s okay . . .” I responded before pausing mid-sentence, realizing that I was now face-to-face with the person in the drawing. His hair was a stunning shade of auburn and fell down to the small of his back–it was like beautiful flames cascading down his body. He was wearing a white button-up with a black tie and matching slacks, his sleeves rolled up past his elbows and charcoal splotched across his arm.

“You must be my roommate,” he said, walking a little closer to me without breaking eye contact. “It’s nice to meet you. My name is Angel.”

Chapter Text

I didn’t see much of Angel the next day, which was fine by me considering I was still exceedingly embarrassed by the fact that our first encounter involved me being naked, but I was definitely curious as to where he disappeared to. We were both Freshman here at Uni so it wasn't likely he had a ton of friends here already. When he did make it back to the room, though, he just sat at his desk and worked on a drawing, his music blasting so loudly through his headphones that even I could hear it faintly from my bed.

There was a commotion outside in the hallway and I tried my best to ignore it until a piece of paper slid under our door. I got up to inspect it and realized it was a flier for some dorm event about to happen.

“Hey, Angel. Wanna go to this thing with me?”

He didn’t respond; probably couldn’t hear me over his music and whatever he was listening to sounded depressing. I crumpled up the flier and tossed it at him, hitting the back of his head. His shoulders tensed up and he turned around, looking at me expressionless and removing his headphones.

“Yes, Aki?”

“Look at the flier,” I said, pointing to the ball of paper on the floor. “There’s some icebreaker event in the lobby soon. Sounds kind of lame but there’ll probably be free food. Wanna go with me?”

He opened the paper up and read it before shrugging and shaking his head.

“I think I’ll just stay here. Thank you, though.”

He turned around and put his headphones back on, once again absorbed in his own little world. 

“Fine,” I said, knowing full-well he couldn’t hear me. “I’ll see you later, then.”

The hallway was chaotic, with students loudly chatting and running around each other. A few of them were even playing soccer, kicking the ball in-between peoples’ legs. This dorm was one of the few on campus that were co-ed, so even though it was mostly male, I noticed there were a few female students sprinkled throughout. 

Our Uni was located near a small city and most of the students just commuted here, so the dorms were typically full of students who weren’t from around here, like myself. There was a strange comfort in knowing that most of the people here were strangers not 24 hours ago and yet were already making friends, but stuff like that never really came easy to me. I tended to mostly stick to myself, finding it hard to open up to my peers.

“Oi, Topknot! Watch out!”

The voice didn’t register until it was too late and I was slammed full-force by the body of another student. We fell to the ground and his entire body was laying heavy over mine.

“G’off me!” I gasped, wriggling him away until he eventually leaped onto his feet. He leaned over and looked me up and down with a raised eyebrow.

“Why the hell were you standing in my way?” he asked.

“Why were you not watching where the hell you were running?!”

“Hmmm,” he said, reaching a hand out to help me on my feet. “Fair point, I guess. The name’s Denji.”

I took his hand and was immediately flung upwards–this Denji kid was strong , much stronger than he looked.

“Aki. Nice to, uh, run into you. Or be ran into, I guess.”

Another student walked up to us as the people started to clear down the steps. Her strawberry blonde hair was long and slightly unkempt, with several strands falling over her face, and her grin revealed two very sharp canine teeth.

“Sorry about that, Topknot,” she said, smiling devilishly. “Denji has a habit of not looking where he’s going. Ever .”

“I’m Aki,” I said, brushing off my pants.

“Name’s Power. Nice to meet ya, Topknot!” the girl said with a wink. 

“Please don’t make that a thing.”

“Oh, it’s a thing,” they said in unison, looking at each other and laughing. I rolled my eyes.

“Whatever.”

“So, Aki,” Denji said, wrapping his arm over my shoulder. Power slid to the other side of me, her elbow leaning against me. “Power and I were thinking about skipping this little . . . whatever it’s supposed to be and exploring  the lakes on the other side of campus instead. You down?”

“Uhh–” 

“And before you say no,” Power cut me off, “think of it as an alternative solution to an otherwise boring event. You wanted to meet people at the little shindig, right? Well, we’re people! And we've met! So . . . goal achieved!” She leaned over and looked at Denji. “Right?”

“Right!” They bumped fists and laughed and I felt my social anxiety begin to settle in. Did these two strangers really expect me to head out into the night with them six minutes after meeting them? They must be batshit crazy if they think I’d go along with that.

Except when I thought about the alternative and being surrounded by a room full of people I didn’t know playing cheesy icebreaker games and learning stupid facts about people I’ll probably never give a fuck about . . .

“Sure, yeah. I’m down. I guess.” I gave in, deciding it would be the lesser of two evils. Power leaped into the air in excitement and Denji gave me a thumbs up before we descended down the stairs.

“Aki, do you stay on the fourth floor?” Denji asked as we scurried out of the lobby entrance.

“Yup, Room 444. You?”

“Same! I’m in room 482–down the hall, to the left. Power is across from me in 483.”

“How long have y’all been friends? You two seem pretty close.”

“Hmm,” Power hummed, putting her hand to her chin. “I’m not sure. Denji?”

“Uhm, about twelve hours, I guess? Maybe thirteen; I’m not sure, I slept in pretty late today.”

“Thirteen hours ,” I said, shocked. “I thought y’all were, like, childhood best friends or something!”

“Awe, do we really give off that vibe?” Power asked.

“Uh, yeah. Y’all are practically the same person.”

“What can we say,” Denji sighed, putting his hands behind his head. “I guess we’re just soulmates.”

Power busted out laughing and I lifted my hand to my face to hide my smile. Maybe these two were okay.

We eventually made it to East Campus, which held three lakes surrounded by a wooded park. The moon was full tonight so the light reflected off of the lake water was bright and shimmery. Power made a beeline for the water, kicking off her shoes and wading until it was up to her calves. Denji followed shortly after, stripping down to his boxers and tossing his clothes on the ground. Power started splashing him playfully and he must have taken it as a challenge because he immediately began kicking waves of water at her, soaking her through her clothes.

“Aki, c’mon!” Denji said, laughing as Power tackled him down. “The water feels great!”

“Guys, I don’t really think . . .”

“Live a little, Topknot!” Power taunted. “We’re in college now! Don’t be so uptight.”

“I am not uptight!”

“Dude, you kinda are.” Denji added. 

“AM NOT!”

“Prove us wrong.” Power winked and lifted her hand towards me, hooking her finger towards herself.

“I will!” I shouted, stripping off my clothes and charging at them. I tackled them both back down to the water and we all rolled around, wrestling each other and collapsing in laughter. And for the first time in as long as I could remember, I just decided to let go and have fun.

“Hey, Angel, you in there?”

I knocked on the bathroom door again and peeked inside. It was empty; I guess my roommate went on an adventure of his own, after all. Whatever , I thought. It was none of my business what he did anyways.

I changed into my pajamas and stepped back out, noticing his sketchbook was laying flat on his bed. I peeked out the window, locked the door to the room, and sat down next to it. Was this an invasion of privacy? Yeah. But something about the art on his wall made me curious for more. I felt like I had no idea who this guy was and if he wasn't going to talk to me, I figured this was the next best option.

I picked it up and flipped through the pages. The sketchbook was mostly used up, full of art that was similar in style to the ones on his wall. There was one that was a towering cathedral with dark shadows and animals sleeping under a tree next to it. Another was just a drawing of two hands cupped together with water seeping through the fingers. His art was hyper-realistic, with the balance of light and shadow so perfectly expressed through the streaks of charcoal.

When I flipped towards the end and got to the last drawing, I felt my breath pause.

It was a drawing of me shirtless, sitting on the railing of a building and leaning backward with two beautiful, feathery wings outstretched from my back. My hair fell flat to my shoulders–a little longer than it was in real life–and floating above my head was a halo. The shadows caused by the light of the halo fell perfectly onto my chest and the muscles in my abs had subtle gentleness to them Even though the drawing was in black and white, I was able to envision it in full color, almost as if it were real life.

I heard a key jiggle in the lock of my door and panicked, closing the sketchbook and tossing it onto his desk before practically jumping into my bed. Angel walked in and noticed me immediately, smiling softly and giving me a little wave.

“How was the event, Aki?” he asked, hanging his jacket on the hook near the door.

“I didn’t end up going,” I admitted. “I met these two dimwits from down the hall and we ended up going to the lakes instead.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Hope you had fun–” he paused, looking at his desk for a second before picking up his sketchbook. “Huh, that’s strange. I could have sworn I left this on my bed.”

I felt the blood rush to my ears but stayed silent until he eventually shrugged, opening his desk drawer and tossing the sketchbook inside.

“I’m probably going to head to sleep,” I said, tucking myself under my blanket. “You can keep the light on if you need it to draw–I don’t mind.”

“No, that’s okay. I’m really tired tonight, too. Thanks, though,” he said quietly. I wasn’t 100% certain but I felt in my bones that he knew I went through his sketchbook and now I feel like absolute shit. I almost wished he formally accused me so I could confess and be done with it, but he just changed silently and turned off the light, rolling into bed and almost instantly dozing off.

I couldn’t sleep, though. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was his drawing of me with those wings. Why did he draw me? What did it mean?

And why did I feel like my heart was going to explode out of my chest?

Chapter Text

Of course I would be running late to my first class of the semester.

By the time the sunlight was angled directly into my face from the window, it was already 45 minutes later than I wanted to be up by; I guess I stupidly forgot to actually set it. Angel was already gone ( damn, I must have really slept hard ) and I was running across campus to make it to the biology building in time to get a good seat. 

I ran into the auditorium panting, my hair falling over my face and sweat beading on my forehead. I looked around and saw an open seat in the center of the third row.

“Thank God,” I said, and scooched past my classmates before finally landing in my seat. Taking a moment to catch my breath, I dug through satchel and pulled out my notebook before realizing I forgot to grab my fucking pen. I turned to the side and cleared my throat.

“Hey, can I borrow a pen?” I asked my neighbor. “I was in a rush and must have forgotten to pack one.”

“Oh, uhm, sure,” she said before handing me one from her pocket. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, uh–”

“Kobeni,” she said. “My name’s Kobeni.”

I smiled. “Thank you, Kobeni.” I looked at my watch; three minutes until lecture starts. “Are you a biology major, too?” She nodded, twirling her pen through her fingers. “Pre-med. You?”

“Pre-vet, actually.”

“Pre-vet?! I’ve heard that it's such a competitive program. Isn’t there only, like, one Veterinary school in the state?”

I shrugged. “I like animals. Couldn’t really think of anything else I’d want to study. If there’s competition later on, I’ll just crush them.”

“I admire your confidence,” she said, before turning to face the professor that just walked up to the podium. I ended up not needing her pen after all (thanks, syllabus day) and after chatting with each other for a bit, I offered to walk with her to her next class since I was off until later this afternoon. 

“No, thank you,” she said, checking her phone. “I’m probably going to head back to my dorm for a little bit and sneak a nap in. I live right across the hill, in Division Four.”

“No shit? So do I!”

“Oh, cool . . .”

“Would you want to head back together?”

“Oh, uhm, sure!”

I wasn’t sure what it was, but I really liked Kobeni. She was timid, sure, but she actually reminded me a lot of Angel in the way she carried herself.

Wait. Pause. Was that why I took a sudden interest in her?

I shook my head defiantly. I only knew Angel for what, four days now? I needed to stop acting like he owed me his friendship. We were roommates . . . and barely even that considering how little time he spent in our actual room!

As we were walking towards the dorm, I heard a familiar voice carry across the quad.,

“Oi! Oooooiiii! Topknot, how’s it goin’!” 

“Topknot?” Kobeni chuckled, turning her face into her curled hand.

I blushed and let out a cough. “Just a dumb nickname that SHOULD NEVER HAVE STUCK!” My voice got louder as Power approached us, her hair somehow even more unkempt than the last time I saw her.

“Ooh, Aki, who’s this?” she said, leaning in a little. “Got yourself a girlfriend already?”

“Buzz off, Power. We just met in biology class.”

“Kobeni,” she said, her voice wavering a bit nervously. In every way Kobeni reminded me of Angel, she was just about the opposite of Power.

“Uh-huh,” she said, turning back to me. “Topknot, wanna come with Denji and I to the city later? We’re thinking about celebrating our first day of classes!”

“Celebrating? Don’t you think it’s a little premature to think about celebrating anything?”

“Nah, I never need an excuse to have fun,” she winked. “You’re welcome to come, too, Beni!”

“Thanks, but I start my new job today after my classes are finished so I won’t be able to. Speaking off,” she said, checking her phone, “I should probably head up and take that nap if I want any sort of meaningful sleep. See y’all later.” She walked off, leaving Power and I alone together.

“Topknot–”

“ Aki!”

“--whatever. Come see, I have a surprise to show you!” She took my hand and dragged me to the back of the dorm building near the courtyard. She looked around, making sure that no one was looking, and then bent down, making some kissing noises and rubbing her fingers together. A cat suddenly leaped out of a bush and ran to the girl before jumping into her arms.

“Power, what the hell,” I said, trying my best to sound serious. “Did you really manage to befriend a feral cat in four days?”

“I’ll have you know that Meowy is not feral, thank you very much! She’s smart and beautiful, just like me!” She stroked the nape of the cat's neck as it purred loudly in her arms. “And besides, I befriended it on my second day here!”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Sorry I ever doubted you.” Leaning in, I pet Meowy’s back until she seemed satisfied and trotted back into the bushes.

“You’re pre-vet, right?” Power asked as we made our way up to the fourth floor.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure if I actually want to be a veterinarian, though.”

“ . . . then why major in it?”

“I don’t know,” I said, pausing for a second to think. “I just really like animals. I like taking care of them. I guess I just like being needed by them.”

“Dang, sounds like you’d make a great housewife, to me!” she elbowed me playfully in the ribs before heading down the hall to her room. “Denji and I will swing by around 6:00. Bring your roommate, too, if he’s down!”

Angel? Doing any type of celebration? That wasn’t gonna happen.

“Did I hear someone talking about me?” he asked, his monotone voice gliding across the air softly as soon as I opened the door and I turned to see him putting on his jacket. Why the hell he was wearing a jacket in 90° weather was beyond me, but come to think of it, I've never seen him not have long sleeves on.

“Oh, you heard that, huh?” He nodded, tucking his hair behind his ears. “Those two people I met the other night asked if I wanted to go ‘celebrate syllabus day’ with them in the city later. I think they just want food that doesn’t come from the cafeteria, but I didn’t think it would be your–”

“Sure,” he said quickly. “I’ll go.” Huh?

“It’s okay if you don’t want to be social you don’t need to feel bad!”

“What do you mean?” He cocked his face to the side a little in confusion.

“Nothing . . . nevermind. Cool. We’re leaving at 6:00.”

“That’s perfect. I’ll probably be in the art studio until right around then, anyways.”

“The art studio?” I asked, kicking my shoes off and sitting on my bed. “What art studio?”

“The one in the fine arts building, silly,” he teased, grinning softly for the first time since I met him. “I’m an art major, if you couldn’t tell.”

“Oh, yeah, the pictures.” I point to his wall nervously. “They’re really good, by the way. Like really good.” He shrugged a little and yawned.

“They’re okay. Could be better. Could be worse, I suppose. I’ll see you at 6:00.” 

“Yeah,” I answered, whispering as he left the room. “See you later.”

“Oh MAN, am I starving!” The four of us–Denji, Power, Angel, and I–hopped off the bus downtown. The streets were bustling with people; mostly students our age who clearly had the same idea as us.

“Denji, you literally ate two hours ago,” Power noted. “Mind you that it was my peanut butter and jelly you used. And my honey!”

“Three sandwiches aren’t enough, Power. I’m a growing boy!”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and they laughed in unison. The more I was with them the more I noticed just how similar they are to one another. Maybe they really were soulmates.

“Where are we going, anyways?” I ask, careful to leave enough space on my right to make sure Angel didn’t feel pressured to walk behind the rest of us. “Do y’all even know the area that well?”

“Nah,” Denji said with a little too much confidence. “But one of my classmates mentioned this place called Family Burger that’s apparently to die for!”

“You brought us all the way to the city for burgers ?” I laughed and looked at Angel, whose neutral expression made me worried he was bored.

“Excited for burgers, Angel?” I asked, trying to include him in.

“I suppose,” he replied, shifting his hand across his chest to grab his arm while looking down. Denji must have noticed because he jumped in immediately.

“How are your classes so far, Angel? I heard studio courses are pretty intense right out the gate.”

“That’s definitely true,” he answered, still not looking up. “But they’re fun. I’m quickly learning that I’m not as good at sculpting as I had hoped I would be.”

“Y’all should see Angel’s drawings,” I said, trying to liven the mood. “I swear, his drawings look so real! It’s insane–like I can feel the emotions he puts on the page.”

I glanced and noticed that Angel’s cheeks turned a slight shade of pink.

“That’s very kind of you to say, Aki. Thank you.”

“Yeah, Topknot. Who knew you were such a sweetie pie!” My God, Power got on my nerves sometimes.

We walked into Family Burger and heard “welcome”s echo throughout the staff; it was a cute little L-shaped diner with retro-style booths. I slid in after Angel across from the two buffoons, who were already in fervent debate over whether or not veggies belong on a burger, and I heard a familiar voice approach our table.

“Welcome to Family Burger, my name is–” the server cut herself off when she looked up from her notepad and made eye contact with me.

“Kobeni?!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t realize this was where you started working!”

“Uh, yeah,” she said, looking extremely embarrassed. “I noticed they were hiring when we drove past it on move-in day so I decided to apply for some extra money.”

“That’s great,” Denji said, in a tone that clearly indicated he didn’t care. “Can I get the best burger on the menu? Oh, and a Coke!”

“Same, Beni-chan,” Power chimed. “Just no veggies! I don’t need that poison mingling with the meat!”

Angel and I made it easy on her and just ordered the same and once we got our food, we quickly realized that Denji’s classmate wasn’t exaggerating when they said it was delicious. Even Angel showed enthusiasm when he took his first bite and I think it helped him feel more comfortable because he became a lot more talkative after.

“Any of you interested in dessert?” Kobeni asked, picking up our emptied plates. “We have a soft-serve machine and the best vanilla ice cream on this side of town!”

I noticed Angel’s hand tense up and when I looked at him, I saw him staring straight at Kobeni with wide eyes.

“Ice cream . . .” he said, barely a whisper. 

“Yup! We even have toppings!”

While the other two began ordering some, I leaned in and whispered to Angel.

“You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

He nods. “Yeah,” he said, turning his face down. “I’ve just . . . never had ice cream before.”

I scrunched my face in surprise. “Really? Never?”

He shook his head. “Never. I wasn’t allo– nevermind, it’s not important.” I lifted my eyebrow, almost certain that I knew what he was about to say.

“And for y’all?” Kobeni asked. Angel didn’t say anything and just kept looking down, fidgeting his hands slightly.

“We’ll each take one,” I answered firmly. Angel was surprised and opened his mouth to protest but I lifted my finger to shush him.

“It’s all good, Angel. We’re celebrating, remember?” He looked stunned but just nodded slightly and smiled. As Kobeni went to turn away he lifted his hand up to grab her attention.

“Kobeni? Could I, uh, get mine with extra sprinkles, please?”

She smiled and shot us a peace sign. “You got it!”

“I still can’t believe how good it was”

We made it back to our room half an hour ago and Angel has not stopped raving about the ice cream we ate at Family Burger—rightfully so, considering he ordered two more cones while we were there. I had already changed into my night clothes but Angel just laid there on his bed, still fully dressed and gazing up at the ceiling with a soft smile on his face.

“I’m glad you had fun,” I said. “Wouldn’t have pegged you as a sprinkles kind of guy, though.”

He sat up, sitting cross-legged with his hands tucked into his feet. “I just think they’re cute, I guess. Figured I might as well.” I glanced over at him and noticed he looked embarrassed. I got up and walked over to his bed, standing over him.

“Well, guess what? You can have some any time you’d like, now.”

He nodded, looking up at me with a smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right!”

We laughed a bit and I reached out to pat his shoulder and suddenly the mood crashed. He flinched so hard that he fell backwards on the bed and he had a terrified look on his face.

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong?!”

“Please, just don’t touch me,” he said, his eyes wide with terror. “You can’t touch me. Ever. ”

“Angel, I–”

“ PROMISE ME!”

I nodded my head silently and saw his shoulders relax a little. Unsure of what to do, I just backed away to my bed, turning off the main light on the way. It was quiet the rest of the night and eventually, Angel got up and changed before going back to his bed, too.

And hours later, in the thick silence that filled our room, I could faintly hear the words I’m sorry, Aki whispered from his side.

Chapter Text

“C’mon, Power. Let’s just do it together and get it over with.”

“I–Denji, I don’t know if I can . . . What if—”

“Don’t wimp out on me now, Power. You know it’s time we just do it.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. My hand was frozen on the doorknob to Denji’s door as I heard them going back and forth. 

“I suppose it was inevitable, huh?” Power answered with a sigh. “Do you think Aki would want to do it with us?

“Aki will most definitely be a part of it,” Denji said excitedly. “In fact, I have a feeling we’ll be riding on Aki the whole night.”

My eyes got wide as I leaned in with my ear pressed to the door—could they be saying what I thought they were?

The instant I put my weight on the door it opened and I tumbled down into the room. I looked up and saw Denji and Power, both wearing glasses and dressed as if they were cosplaying prep school students.

“Aki, how perfect!” Denji said. “You’re just in time.”

“Right, all of the necessary pawns are in place.” Power nodded and adjusted her frames. “Commence Operation: Super Smart!”

I just sat there, stunned, staring at the two buffoons striking a pose like protagonists of a manga before standing up and sighing.

“Operation . . . Super Smart?” I dusted my pants and crossed my arms. “What is this about? Do you two even wear glasses?”

“Smart people wear glasses, Aki. Duh .” Denji leaned forward and punched my arm before walking past me, with Power following suit.

“C’mon,” she said. “We’re going to the library. Can’t fail our first round of exams, can we?”

-.-.-

Two hours into “studying” and the only thing those two accomplished were opening their laptops and arguing over who would make a better grade on their exam.

“You know,” I interjected, flipping through my bio notes. “Neither of you will pass if you sit here and argue instead of actually studying.”

Power snarled at me but finally conceded, typing away at her laptop. Denji, looking smug, leaned back in his chair, balanced on two of the legs.

“Aki-chan,” he said, his face stern and focused on not falling. “What’s Angel up to? Haven’t really seen him in a minute.”

Truth be told, neither had I; he’s been avoiding me since the night he freaked out almost two weeks ago. Even when I did manage to see him he always seemed to be in a rush to get to the studio or too tired to talk and would go straight to sleep. I figured he would talk to me about it when he was ready but I really wish he would hurry the fuck up, too.

I check my watch. 4:45 pm , I thought. “He’s probably in the art building, if I had to guess. I know he said sculpture was kicking his ass.”

“Maybe we should go check on him?” Power offered, clearly eager to abandon her own operation.

“Nah, I think he wants his space,” I answered. The two looked at me oddly, clearly reading into it. I thought for a moment before putting my notes down and giving in with a sigh. “Remember the night we all went to Family Burger?”

“Yessir,” Denji said, sliding his laptop back into his backpack.

“Well, that night, Angel did . . . something strange.”

“He’s a strange dude,” Power said dismissively. 

I shook my head. “No, not like your run-of-the-mill strange. It was, well, really strange.” They continued to stare with no sign of dropping it, so I just told them everything from start to finish.

“Oh, so the kid’s a freak , huh?” 

“Power, that’s not nice,” I shot back.

“I’m just saying,” she continued, stretching her body dramatically in her chair. “Not wanting to be touched is one thing but having a full meltdown over it like that? It’s definitely freak-like behavior.”

“Maybe something happened to the guy,” Denji added.

“ Maybe . But what?”

I watched in silence as the two enthusiastically shouted theories, completely insensitive to the fact that they were discussing theories about an actual fucking person they know . After a while I just shook my head, packed up my books, and told them I had a meeting I had to get to . . . which was a lie, sure, but I couldn’t stomach their excited chatter any longer.

In reality, I haven’t stopped thinking about that night or worrying about him since it happened. Aside from the fact that he’s been clearly avoiding me, I can also tell he hasn’t been sleeping very well; despite always rushing to bed, the bags under his eyes have been a troubling shade of purple as of late. After wandering aimlessly in my thoughts and without even realizing where I was going, I ended up arriving at the entrance of the art building.

“Might as well,” I whispered, walking through the gigantic glass doors. The art building was pretty unique in that it had a gigantic, open lobby that’s ceiling extended upward through all three stories. Art installations filled the area in its entirety, sprawled across the lobby and hanging down from the various balconies that wrap around the center square, with little signs that name the students whose art is showcased. Some of them have been here for over a decade.

I glanced down a few of the hallways, trying my best to figure out where the design studio was. I must have looked like a lost puppy because it wasn’t a few moments later I felt a quick tap on my shoulder.

“Do you need help finding something?” I turned around and was met with a stoic woman, whose face was adorned in a horizontal scar. “Haven’t seen you around here before.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said sheepishly. “I’m not an art student–I’m looking for my roommate, Angel.” Her eyebrow lifts curiously and she shifts her weight onto one of her hips.

“You must be Aki, then,” she responded. “I was starting to believe you didn’t actually exist.”

“I–what?” I was confused. “How do you know my name?”

“Pardon me. I’m Dr. Tendo, one of Angel’s professors as well as his academic advisor.” She extended her hand out for a shake. “He’s mentioned you quite a few times in our workshops, Aki.” I shook her hand and felt my cheeks go pink. “If you’re looking for Angel, he’s in the second floor studio—room 257. He’s been slaving away at his midterm assignment for my class.”

“Yeah, I’ve honestly barely even seen him lately.”

“Well, I’m sure he’ll be happy for a visit. Kid needs a break, anyways.” She looked at her watch and back at me. “I’ve got to head back to my office, but give Angel my regards. Nice meeting you, Aki.”

“You, too, Dr. Tendo.” She walked off and I made my way up the side spiral staircase, walking through the corridors until I made it to the studio. 

I opened the door and peeked my head inside; the room was completely devoid of people, so I figured Angel might have been in the bathroom and decided to just wait for him. I walked around, glancing at all of the works in progress scattered at the different stations before noticing a particularly large canvas at the back corner of the room covered by a thin white sheet. Curiosity peaked, I made my way over to it, reaching to lift the sheet up before I’m stopped by a familiar voice.

“Aki, what are you doing here?”

“Angel, hey,” I said, turning around and trying my best to act as casual as possible. “I had some free time today and figured I’d stop by and see you.”

“Why?” His voice seemed apprehensive; not necessarily combative but definitely not welcoming.

“Well,” I started, thinking carefully about my next words. “I figured maybe we could talk? You’ve barely said three words to me since—”

“I was just leaving,” he said, interrupting me. “Sorry.”

“Angel–”

“Aki, can we just pretend that night never happened?”

“Well, I would, except you seem so insistent on treating me like some kind of leper!”

“ I am the leper, Aki ,” he emphasized every word, almost as if he was shouting as quietly as possible. “Please don’t feel like you have to pretend to care. The last thing I need is someone’s pity.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Angel. I do care about you. Please grow up and get that through that thick skull of yours!”

He blinked heavily a few times and in the silence I was able to really look at him closely for the first time. His eyes were blank and lifeless and the skin underneath them was a sickly shade of grey. His cheeks have also sunken in a bit, putting even more emphasis on the shadows under his eyes. “And no offense, Angel, but you look like shit . When was the last time you had a good night’s sleep?”

“ Tch ,” he hissed, letting out a soft giggle. “Who knows? Sleep isn’t exactly my forte.”

“Well, how about this?” My shoulders relaxed and I closed the distance between us. “Let’s get some Family Burger, eat some ice cream, and have an early night in. We don’t have to talk at all if you don’t want to, but I would feel a lot better if I witnessed you actually partaking in a little bit of self-care with my own two eyes.” He let out a groan but eventually nodded, the promise of ice cream too great to pass up, and scooted past me to grab his satchel of art supplies, which was situated behind the big canvas.

“This yours?” I asked. He nodded again silently. “Can I see—”

“No,” he said nervously. “It’s, uh, not finished yet.” He scurries past me again, beelining for the door. “Let’s go.”

I shook my head. Angel, you are just full of secrets, aren’t you?

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry but I’m not buying it.” I looked down at Denji, whose smug face was half-hidden by his midterm exam, adorned with a bright red B-. “There’s just no way in hell you didn’t cheat.”

“I didn’t! Scout’s honor!” 

I rolled my eyes in silent response before gently pushing him off balance with my foot, sending him toppling backwards onto the ground.

“What’s Power up to? Think she did okay on her midterms?”

“Knowing her? She probably got someone to take them for her.” Denji stood up and dusted off his pants with a scowl on his face. “She’s too resourceful to bother with studying.”

“Oh, unlike you?”

“Cheating is too much work,” he shrugged, letting out a sigh. “It was just easier to cram for them.”

“Fair point.” I heard footsteps and peeked out into the hallway, seeing Angel walk into our room. “Gotta go, Denji. Text me when you and Power link up.”

“Will do, Topknot.”

I ignored him and made a beeline for our room; now that midterms have all been posted, I was hoping to catch Angel to congratulate him on passing everything . . . or at least be there for him if he didn’t. I opened the door and saw him standing there, back turned to me and staring out of the window.

“Angel,” I whispered, and he looked back at me, his eyes puffy and glossed over with tears. Shit . “Angel, what’s wrong? Did you fail your midterms?”

He sniffled and a small smile formed on his lips as he shook his head.

“Aki, Dr. Tendo wants to submit my portrait to a gallery.”

“WHAT?!” I yelled out in excitement, watching Angel smile and laugh through his tears. “That’s so fucking awesome, Angel!” I ran up to him to give a hug before stopping myself halfway there, remembering his aversion to touch. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I walked over to the mini fridge and pulled out a surprise for him from the freezer compartment, along with two spoons.

“Aki, is that–”

“This calls for a celebration, my friend.” I grinned, popping the lid off of the half-gallon of Taro Ice Cream; I plopped down on his bed and scooped out a nice sphere, offering it to him. He smiled and instead of taking the spoon itself, he leaned over and wrapped mouth around it, inches away from my own face. His eyes closed in pure bliss and he let out a soft moan, making my cheeks burn bright red.

“This is so goo~~~~ood.” It came out like a little song and he opened his eyes; they locked with mine and the hair on the back of my neck stood up like needles. He pulled away slowly, the spoon sliding out from between his lips, and we gently wiped his mouth before sitting down at my side. “Thank you, Aki, for everything.”

“I– of course,” I said. “Don’t even sweat it. That’s what friends are for.”

“Friends,” he whispered, taking another scoop and pondering it briefly. “I’ve never had one before; all of this is really new to me.”

I lifted an eyebrow curiously, trying not to react too quickly. 

“You’ve really never had a friend before?” I asked.

“Mmm-mnh,” he grunted gently, swallowing the ice cream that was already in his mouth. “I was homeschooled. Never really had the opportunity to make them.”

“Siblings?”

“Negative.” He took another scoop. “It’s just me, my father, and my art.” He put it in his mouth and looked up at me. “I guess until now, since I have you.”

“Yeah,” I whispered; I turned my head to the side so he wouldn’t see me blushing. “Yeah, you’re stuck with me now, I suppose. And don’t forget about Power and Denji.”

“True, though I suppose it’s hard to forget them considering they are the two loudest people I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

“Haha, yeah, you’re right about that.” I pop the lid back on the ice cream and throw it back in the freezer. “What you got going on the rest of the day?”

“Job interview,” he says, chuckling when he sees my shocked face. “Art supplies are expensive and since I’m taking printmaking next semester, I’m going to need some extra funds to pay for everything.”

“Where at?”

“The Cat’s Eye Cafe. It’s a little shop downtown; Kobeni knows the owner and she got me an interview for a barista position.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” Angel, a barista? Not going to lie, the thought of him wearing a uniform with a cute little apron was . . . wait, what was I thinking? “Good luck, let know how it goes.”

“What about you?”

“I passed all my midterms so I’m probably going to celebrate with Denji and Power once she gets back from class–” The door exploded open, as if it had been kicked, and Angel and I both jumped.

“You rang, Topknot?” Power strolled in with Denji right behind her. “Don’t worry, don’t worry. The amazingly-wonderful-Power-extraordinaire passed all of her exams with an
A.”

I felt my eye twitch as she poked me on the forehead with two fingers. “How much did you pay for someone to take those exams for you, Power?”

“More than you could afford, beautiful,” she winked. “Hi, Angel. Long time, no see.”

“Hello, Power. Congrats on the As.” He nodded, putting on his black dress coat,

“You see? Why can’t your roommate be this nice?” I stuck my tongue out at her and heard Denji chuckle.

“I’ll be back later,” Angel said, excusing himself after a round of goodbyes. Denji barely waited for the door to close before starting back up.

“Did he pass his shit? I know you said he was pretty stressed.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Apparently, one of his portraits is getting submitted to a gallery.”

“Oh, shit,” Power said, followed by a low whistle. “Guess the kid’s got some talent, after all.”

“Yeah, he definitely does.” I looked out the window and saw him walking towards the bus stop. The wind picked up suddenly and for a second, while his hair billowed and danced in the sunlight, it was like I almost saw a halo form around him.

-.-.-

“Getting in a gallery, acing all your midterms, and officially a barista at the swankiest cafe in town. Today must be the highlight of your year, huh?” Power tossed a rock over the lake, cheering as it skipped three more times than Denji’s did.

“Not in the gallery yet,” he said, smiling ever-so-slightly. “But yeah, today has been a really good day.”

“You know what I think?” Denji called out, beckoning everyone closer. “I think this calls . . . for some beer.” He unzipped his backpack and showed off six cans of Sapporo, placed strategically around ice packs. 

“ HELL yeah, Denji,” Power shouted, kissing him on the cheek and swiping a can. I take one, too, and offer another to Angel.

“I don’t know,” he says, staring at it. “I’m not a big fan of the smell.”

“It’s an acquired taste, buddy,” Denji coaxed. “If you want, we can shotgun it.”

“Shotgun?”

“Oh boy,” Power laughed. “We’re gonna take his shotgun virginity? Fuckin’ sick.”

Denji swiped the can out of my hand and carved a hole into the side of it near the bottom before handing it to Angel. He did the same for mine and then his own, with Power doing her own.

“On the count of three, you’re going to pop the can open and tip the hole into your mouth. Don’t even let the beer sit in your mouth–just down it straight to the back of your throat.”

“Uhm, I don’t know—”

“ONE!” He yelled out. Angel’s eyes got wide as the panic set it. “TWO!” We all inched the cans closer. “THREE!” Loud cracks filled the air and we brought the cans to our lips. Power was the first to finish, swiping the dribble off of her chin and tossing the can aside. I was next, followed by Denji, who let out a ceremoniously loud burp. Angel finished a few seconds later, with about ¼ of the contents having spilled over his clothes. He had an uneasy look on his face and for a split second I thought he was going to vomit until he, too, let out a burp. We all collapsed on the ground in laughter and looked up through the trees at the full moon.

After a while of us just laying there and finishing off the beers, Denji and Power parted ways, leaving Angel and I to pick up the trash they left behind. I spotted the can Power tossed near a bush and walked over to grab it when I noticed a little face poking out from under the leaves.

“Angel, come see,” I whispered, placing my finger over my lips. He walked over and immediately let out a little gasp when he saw it; a white fox and bright orange eyes staring up at us.

“Hi, little one,” he said, crouching down next to me.

“Are we in your home?” I ask, holding out a hand for it to smell. It crawls slowly towards us, taking a few sniffs before pushing its head into my hand for a pet.

“I think it likes you,” Angel says, chuckling a bit. “I’ve never seen a fox take to a human before.”

“Animals have always liked me and my bro–” I paused, swallowing hard. “I guess I’ve always just had a connection to them.” I sit down and cross my legs, letting the fox spin onto my lap, realizing it was a vixen. “You’re such a pretty girl,” I cooed, scratching its chin.

Angel checked his phone and stood up.

“We should probably head out soon, Aki,” he suggested. “It’s almost midnight.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I stood up and the fox let out a yip, barking excitedly and spinning in circles around me. “I wish we could take you with us, girl. I promise we’ll come visit you again.”

She let out a whimper and lowered her head, holding a paw out onto my shoe. I looked into her eyes and then up at Angel, who somehow managed to read my mind.

“We can’t , Aki,” he says. “Our RA would kill us if he found out.”

“But . . . maybe we can just hide her? No one has to know!”

“Aki, we’re friends with the two biggest mouths of the university and you want to sneak a fox into our dorm room? No. No way in hell . Absolutely not .”

-.-.-

That night, I fell asleep to the sound of Angel snoring in unison with our new fox, Kon.

Chapter Text

“Kon, c’mere.” Angel slid his bedsheets to the side, patting his mattress and beckoning the fox, who decided the only appropriate response was to bounce on my stomach several times before leaping across the room to him. I feigned a dramatic cry and twisted my body; more than anything else, I did not want to go to class today. 

“One more day,” I groaned. “One more day until Fall Break. God only knows I need it.” And nothing could be more true; while I was able to maintain a 4.0 in all my classes so far, the cost of that was experiencing an immense amount of mental burnout already. The fact that it was only the third week of October made my skin crawl and I decided that I needed Kishibe’s terrible jokes for a few days in order to lift my spirits.

“I understand,” Angel said with a yawn. “It’ll be good to step away from my paintings for a bit.”

“Are you going home for the break?”

Angel stopped his hand mid-pet and Kon let out a soft whimper before pushing her head into it herself. “No,” he said softly after a few seconds. “I’m just going to stay here. I don’t start at the cafe until next week so I’ll probably just lounge around. Maybe catch up on some coursework for my gen eds.”

“That doesn’t sound very exciting,” I jest, but he just shrugged his shoulders before getting up and putting food in Kon’s bowl. He cut up cherry tomatoes and carrots into little pieces to sprinkle on top of the kibble, placing it on the ground between our two beds. For someone who was so opposed to her at first, he silently decided to take on the duty of her primary caretaker—he wouldn’t admit it, but I’m pretty sure he enjoys being depended on, even if it’s not by a person.

“She’s gonna miss you over the break,” I chimed. “It’s been what, a week? And she’s already spoiled for you.”

“Oh, are you taking her home with you?”

“Yeah, Kishibe wanted to meet her. He could not believe it when I told him what we did.”

“Kishibe?”

“My da– adoptive dad,” I answered, turning my eyes down a bit. 

“I didn’t realize you were adopted.” He sounded very neutral, with none of the pity in his voice that I was used to hearing from people when I mentioned this. I liked that.

“Yeah. My family . . . uhm, yeah. It’s just me and Kishibe.” I shook my head. “He’s cool. Did his best with me. I guess it could have been worse.” He just nodded silently in understanding before my phone rang.

“Speaking of the devil,” I said, putting the phone up to my ear. “Kishibe, hey. Are you off of work?”

“Hey, Aki! Yeah, I just got home. Long night,” he said, letting out an exhausted sigh. “Just wanted to make sure everything was good to go for the break. Are you still coming tomorrow morning?”

“Yes sir. I got my Greyhound ticket and I’m packing up my bag after class.” Kon yipped a little after finishing her food. “Kon is excited, too. I got her carrier yesterday.”

“Awesome, awesome. How’s that roommate of yours?”

“Angel?” His eyebrow lifted curiously after hearing his name. “Yeah, he’s good. Said he’s gonna stay here for the break . . . actually, Kishibe?”

“What’s up?”

“Would it be okay if he tagged along with me?” Angel’s eyes got wide and he started mouthing silent protests.

“Oh! Uhm, yeah, sure, I don’t see why not. He’d have to stay with you in your room, though; I may have converted the guest room already.”

I smiled, thanking the Universe for Kishibe’s generally unbothered personality.

“Sounds good. Thank you so much. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.” I hung up and Angel immediately went frantic.

“I can’t impose on your father like–” he started, before getting cut off.

“Kishibe does not care, I promise. He works almost every night and sleeps most of the day.” I wave my hand towards Kon, who is now asleep on my pillow. “Besides, wouldn’t you rather spend the week exploring with Kon rather than just sitting here staring at the ceiling for six days?”

He crossed an arm in front of him nervously; the shift in his eyes was subtle, but I could tell he was considering it.

“I don’t even have a ticket.” He retorted.

“They’re $13.50 a piece. I got you.”

“What about a bag?”

“I have an extra you can use.”

“But–”

“Angel,” I said firmly, my voice softening after. “If you really, really do not want to come, I’m not going to twist your arm about it. But,” I pause, taking off my sleep shirt and throwing on a hoodie. “I would very much enjoy getting to spend time with you when we’re not running around school buried in work.” He made a peculiar face and I knew at that moment that I had won.

“Fine,” he said, finally giving in. “I guess that does sound fun.” A huge, cheesy grin spread wide across my face.

“I knew it would work,” I taunted, getting a nice eye roll in response. “You simply can’t resist my tenacity and charm.”

“As if,” he snorted, sitting down next to Kon. “I’m just going to spend more time with Kon.”

“Sure, buddy. Sure.”

-.-.-

“Welcome to my home,” I said, twisting the ket into my front door. I let Kon out of her carrier and she immediately bolted excitedly, running through the foyer and rolling around the floor of the living room.

“It’s really nice,” Angel said, looking around at all of the wall decor. “This is where you grew up?”

“Well, not exactly,” I answered. “I was fourteen when Kishibe adopted me, so I’ve been here for a little over four years. He’s single–never been married–so I guess you could consider this his bachelor pad.”

“What does he do for work?”

“He’s a detective. He used to have his own agency but he started working for the state after adopting me so that he would be home more often.”

“Interesting,” he said, and I could tell he meant it.

“C’mon, I’ll show you around.” I took him on a mini-tour, stopping in different spots of the house and offering up memories of the spaces. We went upstairs and stopped at the first door to the right, opening it up and being greeted by the familiar scent of my bedroom. “This is where we’ll be sleeping.”

“ We ?” he asked, a tinge of concern in his voice as he poked his head in to examine. “But there’s only one bed.”

“It’s a Queen–don’t worry, we’ll both fit.”

“That’s not really my main concern.” He looked down, averting my gaze. “You don’t think it’ll be weird to share a bed with me?”

“Huh? No, not really,” I answered. “It’s not like you’re smelly or anything.”

“But I’m . . . nevermind.”

“You’re what?” He didn’t answer but instead asked a new question.

“What if we accidentally touch?” His voice wavered a little and I realized that I had not considered this.

“Angel, why are you so afraid to touch me? If it was something I did, then I’m really sorry–”

“It’s nothing you did. I don’t touch anyone. Ever .” He looked like he was about to cry.

“Angel . . .”

“It’s fine, Aki. Maybe I can ask Kishibe for the couch while I’m here.” I nodded, unsure of how to respond. What was his deal ? I decided to change the subject.

“Are you hungry? Kishibe went grocery shopping after his shift yesterday so I can cook something for us, if you’d like.” He looked back up at me, nodding silently. “Perfect. I’ll get some noodles going, then.”

Food definitely helped to brighten the mood back up; I loved cooking and it’s been forever since I got to use a full kitchen. I loved the familiarity of Kishibe’s tools and appliances and watching Angel chase Kon around the kitchen island made me laugh so hard I almost cut myself chopping up the cabbage. The smell of the aromatics must have crawled through the house because it wasn’t long before Kishibe woke up and groggily walked into the kitchen to greet us.

“Welcome home, Aki,” he said sleepily, coming in for a big, manly hug. He patted me on the back a few times before turning to the island. “And you must be this Angel fella Aki won’t shut up about.”

“Kishibe!” I hissed, shooting him a mortified look. 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! He talks about you a perfectly normal amount, I promise.” He laughed and held out a hand for a shake. “The name’s Kishibe, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Angel,” my roommate offered timidly, staring down at the hand without moving. I forgot to warn Kishibe about this but he just pulled his hand away slowly without acknowledging the awkwardness. 

“Has Aki given you the grand tour?” He asked without missing a beat. “Sorry for the mess everywhere–my son was the one who usually kept the place tidy.”

“Yeah, he has. And don’t worry, Mr. Kishibe. Your place is really lovely.”

“Why thank you, Angel.” He turned his face back at me over his shoulder. “I like this one, Aki. I think you won the roommate lottery, for sure.”

Angel chuckled a bit and I felt my shoulders finally relax and turned back towards the stove to toss the noodles into the veggie mix. 

“Food is almost done, Kishibe. Can you hand me some plates?”

He got them out of the pantry, continuing to hold casual conversation with Angel. Kishibe was never the most charming person but the man could definitely talk about anything and everything. He had a mature, worldly air to him that I guess came naturally. I remembered how when I was a kid he would come visit my dad and I was always super excited because he would talk about animals with me the entire time. And when I showed interest in his work he would always offer to teach me how to fight–though my mother adamantly objected to it. She didn’t feel it was necessary for me to learn anything violent. That changed, though, when I was sixteen . . . and she was gone.

We all ate our noodles excitedly, with Kishibe going back for seconds and thirds. He roared with laughter and went on and on about how much he missed my cooking before letting out a huge yawn.

“I guess I’m gonna hit the hay again. Thanks for the food, son.” He tossed me the keys to his car and told me to take Angel to town after we finished up. Kon followed him to his bedroom and I heard his door shut in the distance. 

“Wanna get ice cream?” I offered, and he nodded with big eyes. I went to take his emptied plate and he scooted his hand onto his lap as mine approached. “You know,” I said, “if you’re worried about touch . . . well, it’s safe through cloth, right?”

“Huh?” He tilted his head.

“I mean, it’s not technically touching if there’s cloth in between. No skin on skin, no foul?”

“I . . . hadn’t really considered that,” Angel said softly. “Maybe that would be okay?” He was mostly talking to himself, but as I washed the plates off and dried them, I heard him muttering about how I made a good point.

“What if we got you a nice pair of gloves to wear whenever we’re together,” I offered. “That way we could interact and you wouldn’t have to be afraid of accidental contact. It might even be a huge relief for you.”

“Why are you so chill about this?” He asked. “Doesn’t this weird you out?”

“It’s not my place to question your level of comfort, Angel.” I turned around, leaning back against the counter as I wiped my hands dry. “Besides, how many times do I have to tell you that I care about you before you get it through that thick skull of yours?”

He looked down and smiled, whispering a small thank you before looking back up at me. I couldn’t quite tell for sure, but his typically-melancholic eyes looked like they had a glimmer in them that I’ve never seen before. And I had to admit . . . it was a good look for him.

Chapter Text

The days of Fall Break came and went faster than I could even begin to process them. The first day after arriving, we went and bought Angel a pair of gloves; a nice, white, leather stitched with a clean thread. I swear it was as if he became a brand new person and for the first time since meeting him, we gave each other a high five. It sounds crazy that something so trivial could mean so much to me, and maybe it was crazy, but I also felt like he was beginning to see me as an actual friend and not just someone who was forced to live with him. It was a nice feeling.

“Shit,” he groaned, getting up and rubbing the back of his neck. We were laying out on the back lawn watching Kon frolic with the feral cats. The weather was beautiful today and after a week of sightseeing in the most boring town in America, enjoying the autumn leaves was a nice way to spend our last day of freedom.

“What’s up?” I asked, the sound of my cigarette lighter flicking open and closed cracking through the chilly air.

“Nothing–my neck’s just been killing me.”

“Probably because you’re forcing yourself to sleep on that shitty couch,” I shot back in jest. He made a sour face and sprawled back out on the grass.

“You know why I’m doing that.” He let out a deep sigh and sounded exhausted. I flicked my lighter close and shifted my weight, turning to the side and looking down at him with my cheek in my hand.

“No, I really don’t.” He reached his hand out above him, forming a finger gun and allowing a little butterfly to land on his gloved hand. “I know I told you that you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Angel, but please know that you can. I want to be there for you but you have to let me in. At least a little bit.”

“What if I let you in and you don’t like what you see inside?” He jerked his finger in a shooting motion and the butterfly fluttered away towards Kon, who was now yipping at the squirrels on the fence. 

“Try me.” He turned to face me and we locked eyes; for a second I was expecting to see his usual tired expression but at that moment all I saw was the glistening of mist in his eyes. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to convince him that it was all going to be okay. But I knew I couldn’t do that. Not yet.

I stood up and reached my hand out for his. He wiped his eyes and took mine, pulling himself up and stumbling forward a bit. Kon heard us and pranced back, shifting up on her hind legs for a treat. Angel tossed her one out of his pocket and smiled at her excited yips.

-.-.-

I smoothed out the comforter, getting it nice and tidy before bed. I was always a little bit anal about my bedsheets but I truly believed that it helped me sleep better. As I made my way to click off the light, I heard three soft knocks on the door.

“Can I come in?” It was Kishibe; he must have been called into work.

“Yeah, of course.” The door opened and sure enough, he had on his typical shirt/tie/trench coat combo, along with an unlit cigarette between his lips.

“Just wanted to say goodbye to you now since I won’t be home by the time you two head out.” He looks around for a second like he’s unsure of what to say before putting his hands on his hips. “You know, Aki, Angel seems like a really good friend for you.”

“What do you mean?” Where was this coming from all of a sudden?

“Oh, I don’t know. You just really seem like yourself when you’re around him. Almost like the Aki I knew as a little brat.” He let out a soft chuckle and walked over to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Take care of him, kid. And make sure he takes care of you back, okay?”

“Uhm, okay?” I shrugged his hand off of me and he came in for a hug.

“Love you, Aki. Give the rest of this semester your all.” He let go and turned to leave the room. Right before closing the door, a feeling surged through me and I called out quietly without thinking.

“I love you, too, dad.” He paused halfway through the door frame, nodding silently with his back turned to me before closing the door. I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and felt a shudder explode through my body—like I was releasing something I had been holding on to for too long. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling but it was definitely strange.

“Hey, Aki?” My head shot up and saw Angel in the doorway wearing his new silk pajamas he got at the mall. His hair was still a little damp from his shower and it fell over his shoulders, the deep red sitting in stark contrast over the light blue silk. One of arms was pulled across his chest and his hand, wrapped in his glove, gripped the other arm gently.

“Hey! What’s up?”

“Uhm, is Kishibe okay?” His eyes darted back and forth, his face tilted down slightly. “He was crying a little bit when he was leaving.”

“Oh, really?” I guess that explained the silent nod; it made me feel like shit knowing how much I’ve probably hurt him over the years. I would have to unpack that later. “Yeah, he’s good. Promise. How are you?”

“I’m fine,” he said, barely a whisper. “Tired.”

“Yeah. It’s been a long day, for sure.” Silence hung in the air around us and the soft ticking of the clock in the hallway echoed through my brain. “Was there something you needed, Angel?”

“Uhm, no, I’m sorry. It’s fine, I’ll just–”

“Angel.” I said his name firmly. “C’mon. Just say what you need to say.”

He nodded.

“The couch. Uhm, Kon had a little accident while I was in the shower. I cleaned it but now it smells like chemicals and . . .” his voice trailed off.

“Did you want to crash in here with me?” My voice softened and I tilted my head slightly.

“Would that be okay? I don’t want it to be weird.”

“Angel, why the hell would it be w—”

“Aki, I’m gay.” The words left his lips sharply, like he was gasping for air when he said them. My eyes squinted slightly and I crossed my arms.

“You’re gay?” He nodded, his eyes pointed at the floor. I walked up to him slowly, seeing tears start to form in his eyes. I stopped right in front of him and leaned over, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. “You’re gay,” I said, a declaration rather than a question.

“I didn’t know how to tell you before. I’m sorry if this makes you feel any different about me or if it makes you uncomfortable being my roommate or if it–” he stopped when he noticed I was smirking. “What is that for?”

“Angel, it’s okay,” I told him. “I could not care less about your sexuality.”

“You don’t think it’s weird? That I like guys?”

“Not at all. Doesn’t bother me one bit.”

I walked past him and called out for Kon, who came darting up the stairs and into the bedroom. I closed the door and faced him again. 

“Let’s go to sleep, Angel. You look exhausted.”

Chapter Text

I walked down the hallway and listened closely as the wood floor creaked beneath me as loudly as the cracks that reverberated from the house just minutes before when I saw the man in the hood running out the front door about a hundred yards away and I realized I didn’t know the man at all and wondered why on Earth he was in our house and what made that sound and why was it as loud as the wood shattering beneath my feet covered in a slick pool of blood that was draining slowly from Mother and why was was Father collapsed in the hallway and on the wall and on the ceiling and where was Taiyo I had to find Taiyo but Taiyo was quiet I couldn’t hear him over the sound of the wood cracking like the bullets shattering through the cold air and Taiyo was cold he was sick he needed to get his glove where was Taiyo’s glove why was it on his hand but he wasn’t outside playing catch with me he would never go outside again he would never play catch with me again he would just lie there cold, cold as ice and comforted by the warmth of his own blood his own blood their own blood was everywhere and their bodies were everywhere and his brains were everywhere on the walls and on the ceilings and on the wooden floor that cracked like the bullets—

-.-.-

I felt a shock of impact and jolted upright, my eyes shooting open and burning from the hot tears that filled them. They adjusted to the dim moonlight glowing from the window and I turned to see what woke me; Angel was beside me with a terrified look on his face and his hand, still wrapped in his glove, clutching a blanket up to his shirt. He must have slapped me to wake me up.

“Angel, I–”

“Aki–”

The words came out in unison; we sat there for what felt like forever, staring at each other in silence until something broke in me and the tears came flowing out. I buried my face into the blanket and cried into his collarbone and slowly felt his arm wrap around my body. I’m not sure how long we sat there together but eventually the tears stopped and so did the shaking and eventually we drifted back to sleep, still wrapped in that blanket in silent embrace.

-.-.-

The bus ride home was silent; I mean, how do we even begin to talk about what happened the night before? My nightmares, though frequent, have never been as vivid as they were last night. At least, they haven’t been for a very long time. Angel’s chin was resting on Kon’s carrier, which was nestled in Angel’s lap, and Kon was curled up sleeping inside. The interstate was surprisingly empty so the trip didn’t take as long as I thought it would and before I knew it, we were pulling up to campus again.

Angel scooped Kon up and put her in his bag to hide her from the front desk worker and we ascended the stairs until we made it to our room. Opening the door, I let out a sigh of relief and slumped over to my bed, throwing my bags down in the process and letting my left arm and leg hang off the side. Angel closed the door behind us and let Kon out, who attempted to leap onto my bed only to miss and slide right off. We both let out a huge laugh and I felt the tension between us suddenly disappear; she was always good at knowing exactly when we need some comic relief.

“Aki,” Angel started, sliding off his shirt and pulling on a hoodie. “Are you okay?”

I sighed; I guess it was time.

“Yeah, I’m okay. It was just a nightmare–they happen a lot.”

“How often is a lot?” 

I turned my head onto the other cheek and noticed his face was contorted with concern. His eyes, though, had that familiar melancholy to them and as odd as it sounds, there was something comforting about it.

“Uhm, a few times a week, I guess. Some are worse than others, but most of the time they’re manageable.

“I see,” he nodded. “Who is Taiyo? If you don’t mind me asking.”

I heard the blood rush to my face, roaring through my ears like the waves of the ocean. 

“Taiyo? How do you know about Taiyo?” I ask, playing off the sudden wave of adrenaline I felt.

“You were crying their name over and over again last night while you were having that nightmare. It’s the reason I woke you up; you were beginning to thrash around while yelling it.”

Jesus. It hadn’t occurred to me before now just how terrifying watching that must have been for him.

“Taiyo is my little brother.” I shifted my weight again and turned on my side, away from Angel. “ Was my little brother.”

“Oh,” he whispered as the realization dawned on him. “Aki, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. I mean, not really. No, it isn’t. But it’s not like that changes anything.” I pulled off my ponytail and let my hair fall down to the bed. “I was thirteen when they all died and Kishibe took me in. He never even let me hit the foster care system and I was formally adopted a year later.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I could tell by his voice that he was sincere but I still didn’t have the words; honestly, I didn’t think I ever would. I just shook my head.

“I’m just really tired. I think I’ll take a nap.”

“Okay, that sounds good. I’ll be here if you need anything, Aki.”

 I could hear the shuffles of his stuff behind me as he began to unpack, with Kon’s little paws tapping excitedly behind him. How was it that just a few days ago I was the one trying my best to comfort him? When did we switch roles? 

“Angel?” I said, barely a whisper. The sounds of him unpacking stopped.

“Yeah?”

“Can you . . . stay with me? Please?” 

My voice cracked a little but I stayed frozen, afraid to move a single muscle as I waited for his response. None came but instead I felt the soft cotton of his blanket fall over me and his body lay down next to mine. I shuffled over to the edge of the bed against the wall and his arms curled around me and together we fell asleep. I dreamt of the warmth of the Sun against my skin and for the first time in forever, I slept in total and complete peace.

Chapter Text

As the days got shorter and the temperature dropped, Angel and I fell into somewhat of a routine; he spent most of his days in and out of the studio and I spent mine cramming almost non-stop for finals, which were admittedly still a few weeks away but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to start reviewing all of the material early on. On the days that Angel would have to pause his projects and go work his shifts at The Cat’s Eye, I developed the habit of commuting alongside him, spending the evening studying with some overpriced coffee and a pastry. It was fun watching him work and true to form, his latte art was already leagues better than some of the seasoned baristas there.

There were a lot of times this past week where I caught myself observing things about Angel that I never had before, like the way his eyebrows scrunch when he’s deep in thought or that he bites his nails when he’s anxious. I loved that every day I discovered some new part of his personality, building up a collection of pieces to click into the bigger puzzle. 

We also haven’t stopped sharing a bed since the night we came back from Fall Break.

To be completely honest, I couldn’t even give an exact reason why we haven’t. But every night, when the cold draft leaked through the poorly-insulated windows and Kon’s snoring filled  the silent air, I would toss and turn restlessly until eventually getting up and crawling into Angel’s bed, wrapping my arms around him through the layers of his bedsheets.

I haven’t had a nightmare in weeks.

-.-.-

“So, like,” Denji started, his mouth half full of pork bun. “When are you and Angel announcing the wedding?”

I choked on my water, coughing it up into my arm. 

“What– what are you talking about?”

“Oh, please,” Power laughed, stealing a french fry from my plate and popping it into her mouth. “Are you going to sit here and tell us that y’all aren’t a thing ?”

“Guys, we’re not . . . I’M not even gay!” My eyes darted across the table at the two of them, watching their faces pull up into shit-eating grins.

“You know bisexuality is completely valid, Topknot.” She reached for another fry and I swatted her hand away. 

“Yeah, dude,” said. “We’re not judging you at all.”

“What even brought this up? What makes you think–”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Power said, cutting me off. “Perhaps it’s the way you look at Angel like he’s the last person on Earth and you have to protect him with your life.”

“Or it could be the way he practically orbits you like the Moon.” Denji yawned before finishing his pork bun. “It’s cute, honestly, how he always adjusts around your every movement.”

“You both are being ridiculous,” I spat out, flustered. “Angel is my friend ! Yeah, we’re close but that doesn’t mean we’re a couple. And I am not gay!”

“Well, are you sure he knows that?” Power gave me a serious look all of a sudden and I realized, in that moment, that I wasn’t entirely sure if he actually did know that. I thought back to that night in my bedroom when he came out to me and I wasn’t entirely sure I mentioned my sexuality at all. But he had to know that I’m straight, right? Right? My face turned red and I stood up, grabbing my backpack and speeding out the door.

Because at that moment, I realized I didn’t tell Angel I was straight because I wasn’t entirely sure I was.

Chapter Text

“Welcome to the Cat’s Ey– oh, hey, Aki.” Angel’s customer service voice dropped into a familiar, monotonous tone the second he saw it was me at the counter. The drastic difference almost made me laugh but I decided to spare him and hold it in.

“How’s the shift going?”

“It’s fine.” He stole a quick glance behind him and slid a cookie towards my seat at the bar. “My boss has been nicer than usual today, which is a relief. Sometimes she can be a little . . . intense.”

“I’ve been called worse, so I’ll take it.” A woman suddenly appeared behind Angel and his face froze in horror. 

“Makima, I, uh—” he stuttered, clearly nervous. She cut him off with a smile.

“Don’t worry, Angel,” she said, wiping her hands on a towel. “I’m quite self-aware. I know I come off strong.” She turned her attention towards me and extended her hand. “You must be Aki, right? Angel’s mentioned you before and I figure there can’t be too many boys with topknots on this side of town.”

“Nice to meet you, Makima,” I replied, shaking her hand.

“Angel, you neglected to mention what a cutie your roommate was.”

Angel’s pale face turned pink and he excused himself to go clean up a table that just emptied in the lobby. I smirked and took a bite of my cookie.

“You always torture him like that, Makima?” I asked, pulling out my laptop from my bag.

“What can I say? He makes it easy.” She grabs a glass of water and hands it to me. “He’s right, though. I am very intense; but he’s a good kid and a good worker. Which is why I don’t mind it when he bends the rules a little here and there.” She points her chin towards my plate. “Like the free cookie he slid you, for instance.”

“Oh, you saw that . . . I can pay for it! I don’t want him to get in trouble.”

“I see everything. Don’t worry about it. They’re getting tossed today, anyways.” She waved goodbye to a group of customers walking out the door. “Are you an art student like Angel?”

“No. Pre-Veterinary.”

“Oh, an animal lover?”

“I suppose so,” I shrugged, sliding her my empty plate. “I guess I’ve just always connected with them more than I did other people.”

“Interesting. Except Angel though, right?”

“What do you mean?”

She raised an eyebrow at me but didn’t elaborate. Angel shimmied back behind the counter and said something in a hushed voice before Maki excused herself to the kitchen. As soon as the back door swung closed, Angel let out a tired sigh.

“She didn’t give you a hard time, did she?” he asked, taking a sip of espresso.

“Nah. She seems nice.” I fidgeted a little in my seat, unsure of what to say next. “Hey, Angel?”

“Hmm?” His eyes sparkled with life the second I said his name and I realized just how soft his face looked, as if carved from the clouds. I started to ask him something but at the last minute panicked.

“Uhm, I think I’m going to head out. I’m not feeling well all of a sudden.” His eyebrows scrunched—not out of concern but because I was so obviously lying. He didn’t press it, though, but as I walked out of the shop and got blasted by the cold November air, I wondered what the hell I was even going to ask.

-.-.-

Kon yipped loudly at the sound of the door unlocking, quickly getting hushed by Angel as he made his way in.

“You’re so loud, Kon! It’s a surprise we made it this long without getting caught.” He spoke to Kon in the kind of voice that was almost certainly reserved for cute animals, petting her gently on her belly. 

“How was the rest of your shift?” I asked, my face buried in my textbook.

“S’okay.” He shrugged. “Pretty uneventful, really. We’re probably going to be slammed for finals in a few weeks but lately we’ve been kinda dead.”

“Ah, gotcha.” The sound of him shuffling around the room and the pitter-patter of Kon’s paws filled the awkward silence that floated between us. 

“Do you need to use the bathroom for anything before I shower?”

“No, go ahead.” 

I felt his gaze linger over me for a few seconds before he eventually turned around and went into the bathroom; the sound of the shower running soothed my growing anxiety. I couldn’t really figure out why I felt so anxious lately, but the closer the winter break seemed to get, the more I felt this sense of dread every time I was with Angel. 

I felt my head starting to pound and decided that studying any more was just not going to happen tonight. I changed into sweatpants and while rummaging through the dresser for a clean shirt, Angel returned from his shower; we both stood across the room, shirtless, and held each other’s gaze for entirely too long before I cleared my throat.

“Head hurts. Gonna just call it a night.”

“M’kay . . .” His voice lingered a bit. “Aki, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I could tell by his face he wasn’t buying it.

“You’ve been weird lately; not that you’re exactly the epitome of normal even on a good day.” He pulled an oversized sweater over his head, his hair still damp from the shower. “Did I do something to upset you?”

“No! For Christ’s sake, I’m fine . I promise.” I tucked my hand into my sleeve and wiped a stray cluster of wet hair off of his face. He looked up at me and immediately turned away, blushing. My stomach did a flip– why did I keep doing stuff like this?

“Are you okay if I keep my lamp on to work on my drawings?” He was turned around now, purposefully avoiding looking at me. Was he as nervous as I was, now?

“That’s fine,” I said, shutting off the lights. Kon hopped up onto my bed and I started pulling my sheets off when I looked back at Angel sitting at his desk. He had his hair pulled back into a loose, damp ponytail and the warm, yellow light from his lamp turned it to a deep shade of sienna. I watched as he twirled his graphite stick in between his fingers, leaning over his sketchbook and looking at it from different angles. I kept staring at his hands–his fingers–and the way his pale skin glowed under the light and I was overcome with a desire I realized I’ve been fighting for far too long.

“Angel,” I called, barely a whisper. He made an unintelligible sound but I couldn’t even concentrate hard enough to make it out. I walked toward him, slowly, and just said his name again. “ Angel .” 

He turned and, noticing I was right behind him, stood up quickly.

“Aki, what’s wr–”

“Can I . . .” I whispered, staring into his eyes. “Can I hold you?”

“What?” He looked at me, confused.

“ Please ,” I said, my voice wavering slightly. He looked at his hands, bare and exposed, and clearly questioned whether or not he could do this and risk touching; eventually, though, he just nodded silently. I took another step forward and closed the gap between us before gently grabbing him and pulling him into my arms, my chin resting perfectly on the top of his head. At first I was careful not to touch his skin with my own but as I felt his hands creep up onto my back, the warmth of his body began to fill my own and I felt my throat begin to ache; the smell of his shampoo, the feeling of his breath on my chest, his pulse vibrating beneath my fingertips. It was all too much and I decided at that moment that I didn’t just want Angel.

I needed him.

I pulled my chin off of him and looked down; he met my gaze and we stood there, silently, our breath getting heavier and heavier.

“Would it be okay if I kissed you?” My voice was shaking, a mixture of my nerves and the excitement of the unknown filling me to the brim. His eyes shook back and forth quickly and I could tell he was struggling with the answer. “You don’t have to let me if you don’t want to. It’s okay. You can say no.”

He looked down and leaned into me, resting his forehead against my chest. We stood like that for a while, our heartbeats perfectly in sync, before he looked up at me and nodded once again. I could hear the blood rushing through my ears and I could barely believe what was happening.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make you feel–”

My sentence was cut off by the soft touch of Angel’s lips pressing up against mine; his hand slowly crept up my body, inch by inch, until he finally touched my face with shaking fingers. I slid my own hands up and stroked my fingers through his hair, gently grabbing a handful of it and pushing his face closer to mine. I wanted to feel more of him and as soon as this thought crossed my mind, I felt his tongue press into my mouth. A sudden rush of adrenaline filled every inch of my body and he quickly took notice, sliding his hand carefully down my body and grabbing hold of me.

I let out an involuntary gasp and unfortunately, he misread this and thought I was objecting. He pulled away, breaking the connection we formed and averting his gaze once again.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No,” I practically shouted. “Please don’t apologize. I was just surprised, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” I let out a cheesy little grin. “It was a good surprise. A really good surprise.”

I could see his cheeks burn under the light of his lamp and he cleared his throat. I felt my own heart begin to slow down and I just plopped down at the foot of his bed, holding out my hand for his. He paused for a second, eyeing the bare skin nervously, before taking it and sitting down next to me. My fingers slid in between his and he put his on my shoulder.

“So,” he said, breaking the silence. “What now?” 

“If I’m being honest? I don’t really know.”

“Well, how do you feel?”

“Really good,” I said immediately, laughing a little bit. “I don’t think I've ever had this feeling before. What about you? Are you okay?” I could feel his hand trembling slightly in mine.

He nodded again. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just . . . nervous.”

“About touching me or about . . . what we just did?”

“Both,” he said after taking a moment to think it over. “You’re the first person I’ve touched in a very, very long time. I almost forgot what it felt like to brush my fingers on another person’s skin.” I was tempted to ask him again why he never wants to touch other people, but I decided against it out of fear of ruining the moment. 

I pulled my shirt off and fell back onto his bed, spreading out dramatically over his sheets. He looked at me over his shoulder, eyebrow raised, and stood up to turn his lamp off before crawling next to me and curling up into the crook of my arms. I pulled him in closer and wrapped my arms around him. We kissed again but it felt different this time; what was an intense heat the first time was now replaced by a gentle warmth and my stomach, which was once flipping uncontrollably, was now experiencing the softest little flutter. I felt so safe and warm and comfortable with his body against mine and we stayed like that, exposed above the sheets and tangled together, all throughout the night.