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Chapter Text

Going about your day thinking of someone is a pretty good sign that you love them. Falling asleep thinking of someone is a pretty good sign that you care about them. Waking up thinking of someone is a pretty good sign that you want them.

Lance is used to thinking of his family during the day - of Luis and his children, Silvio and Nadia, and how they would run around the house laughing and calling for their “Tío Lance” to come play with them; of his papà and the words of wisdom he’d give his children during family gatherings; of Rachel and her ability to make Lance laugh no matter the situation; of Veronica and the way she’d logically talk him through his spiraling thoughts and then just sit with him in the silence he often needed; of his mamá and her warm food and even warmer hugs that could make even the strongest of people feel weak in only the best ways. Lance didn’t often go long without thinking of his family in some capacity, they mean everything to him and he’s almost scared to not think about them at least once a day, worried that he’ll start to forget them. Forget their voices, their smiles, the feel of their arms around him. 

Lance has come to be used to falling asleep to thoughts of his team - of Hunk and his cooking almost on par with his mamà, and his comforting presence and hugs that make you simply melt; of Pidge and her fascination with anything tech-related, as well as her awkward, but genuine, way of connecting with the team; of Shiro and his unshakable optimistic confidence that helps him to lead them all in the best way; of Allura and her inspiring ability to push forward despite everything beating her down; of Coran and his wonderful mustache, and his way of listening and understanding and just being there for the paladins even when he doesn’t have anyone there for him; of Keith and his fragile confidence that keeps him fighting far beyond what anyone should be capable of. This awkward group of people brought together on accident that have become Lance’s second family dominate his thoughts most nights. He would give anything to protect them and make sure they all get through this war together, if only so they don’t lose what they’ve built together.

Lance isn’t as used to waking up with thoughts of a certain hotheaded mullet filtering through a brain bleary with sleep. 

The two were never close, fighting and arguing more often than simply talking. Butting heads was easy, it’s what they knew and what they both seemed most comfortable with. Lance thought he was okay with what they were, he is the one who created their whole rivalry in the first place, but then they started to become more. They were able to be in the same room for almost a whole varga before arguing over something petty, their teamwork was improving, they were getting closer. They made a good team.

Lance was learning more about Keith, he was learning how to read him. He was starting to tell when anger was covering for fear, when petty jabs were more awkwardness than annoyance. He could tell when Keith was becoming overwhelmed, and when he needed a moment alone. Lance was learning to stop pestering every time Keith seemed upset because often times he did more harm than the good he intended. Lance was learning how to be a friend for Keith, and he was enjoying it. He didn’t want to go back to what they were before, what he forced them to be before. 

That’s probably when Lance started to wake up with eyes holding entire galaxies in them being his first thought of the day. 

And it’s not even just Lance making an effort to change either, Keith was trying, and he was doing a damn good job of it. 

Losing Shiro was hard on everyone, but Keith lost his brother as well as his leader and then was expected to fill the role Shiro left empty with his absence. It was exponentially harder for him. But Lance refused to let Keith go through it alone. The lions seemed to agree with the rest of the paladins that Lance was the best one to comfort Keith, to be by his side, but Lance knew that even if he didn’t officially become Keith’s right-hand he would still do his absolute best to support their new leader. 

It started rough, as was to be expected when someone who had never needed to worry about leading a whole team was suddenly thrust into a position with very large shoes to fill, but it got better over time. Lance was supporting Keith in his decisions and making sure he knew when something was a bad idea. Lance was exactly what Keith needed - this new relationship between them was exactly what Lance needed. They were there for each other in a way they’d never been before, in a way that no one else could ever hope to understand when standing on the outside of it. 

But then Shiro came back…

Lance was immensely grateful that they were able to get Shiro back, that he didn’t have to lose a part of his new family, but his sudden presence brought about a very real problem. One Lance had been trying hard not to think about ever since Blue let Allura in:

6 paladins,

…

5 lions. 

Lance has always known he was the fifth wheel, seventh if you include Allura and Coran. He wasn’t the best pilot they had, he wasn’t a leader, he wasn’t the smartest, or the strongest, or the kindest. He was the sharpshooter, but how far could that one simple role really take him when the rest of his family were so invaluable? 

He could never even dream of letting someone else on the team back down from their well deserved positions as Paladins of Voltron. With Shiro back, that meant Black would probably want him back. Then Red would obviously want Keith back because who wouldn’t? And Allura had progressed as a paladin so much faster than any of the rest ever had, so Lance could never take Blue from her. That left him…

He loved being the Red Paladin, loved bonding with Red and fighting right beside Black, but he’s Keith’s right-hand, not Shiro’s. That’s Keith’s spot, always would be, and Lance would never want to fill that role instead. He doesn’t share the same type of simple trust with Shiro as he does with Keith. Of course, all of them trusted each other with their lives, but Lance and Keith only had to glance at each other to know what the other meant. It was so easy with Keith. In a way Lance knows it never could be with Shiro. 

Lance brought up his concerns with Keith once, on a particularly bad day. Lance doesn’t want to be replaced, no matter how much he knows he’s expendable. He’ll step down because it’s the right thing to do, but that doesn’t mean he won’t cry himself to sleep at night grieving what he’s lost in the process. Keith had looked worried, almost upset that Lance was even thinking this way. Which is stupid, because why wouldn’t he think this way? He always has, and he knows how painfully true it is. Instead, he was told that he has a place on the team, one that couldn’t just be so easily replaced. He was told to ‘leave the math to Pidge’ in that awkwardly cute way Keith had when he tried to comfort Lance.

And Lance, he wanted to listen to that advice. He didn’t want to think about this so hard to the point he really wanted Veronica there with him to talk him down in that kind but logical way only she could do. And it worked for a short while as Shiro became re-acclimated with the Castle of Lions and Lance still worked as Keith’s right-hand. 

But then Shiro was better. 

And he could pilot Black again. 

And the Blade of Marmora wanted Keith in their ranks. 

And Keith left…

Leave the math to Pidge. 

Yeah, right…

Chapter Text

It’s been a couple of months since Keith left to officially join the Blade of Marmora once it was confirmed that Shiro could still pilot the black Lion. Each day should’ve been easier to get through as Voltron got used to one less person living on the Castle, but it wasn’t. 

Not for Lance. 

Lance greeted every new morning with a sharp intake of air and moist eyes from one of a cycle of nightmares plaguing his sleep recently. Every day found him forcing a smile more and more. 

It had only taken two weeks of Keith’s absence settling onto Lance’s chest like a boulder for him to admit that he misses him. He misses kind purple eyes that would darken with determination and glint with the mischievous side only Lance could bring out of him; he misses the small smile that would tug up on soft lips when someone (more often than not, Lance) would do something stupid; he misses the sharp grin when in the heat of training; he misses the awkward, but so so kind shoulder pats Keith would offer if something went wrong on a mission; Lance misses the ease with which he could confide in Keith, and those kind gestures he was becoming more comfortable giving out would turn into gentle words of comfort; hell, he even misses that mess of black hair that formed a mullet Lance really couldn’t bring himself to hate anymore. 

Lance wasn’t alone on the castle-ship, and he was still a paladin of Voltron constantly surrounded by those they saved who had so much gratitude to express. But by god was he lonely. 

Hunk and Pidge never had any time left for him, always off doing something that they claimed he could never understand even if he tried. Which, okay, they’re probably not wrong, Lance doesn’t excel in the science side of things, but they don’t need to be calling him stupid in every way except using the word and excluding him from everything. Even if he didn’t fully understand what it is they were doing, it was still important for Voltron and their mission so he’d gladly take the time to learn as much as he could. 

Coran was always off tinkering by himself, with team “Punk” (as Hunk and Pidge have dubbed themselves), or he was with Allura working on the castle or something for the Coalition. 

Allura was busy with diplomatic missions, leading the Coalition, running Voltron with Shiro, or off with Lotor doing honestly who knows what. 

And Shiro…

Fuck, Shiro was the definition of stress. 

He was wound so tight since taking over Black again, and was insanely quick to snap. As Shiro’s right-hand man, Lance took a lot of the fallout on himself. If a mission was screwed up in some way, no matter who’s fault it was, Lance would make sure Shiro’s ire was always directed towards him. Most times it was Lance’s fault anyways, but he would never let Pidge or Hunk or Allura get yelled at for a minor screw up.

As the right-hand of Voltron, it was Lance’s duty to make sure things ran smoothly between the paladins, and he’s taken that role very seriously since being Keith’s partner. Lance had tried to talk to Shiro once, after a particularly bad briefing after a mission. They’re a team, and if one of them messes up then they all do is what he’d tried to explain, but Shiro wasn’t hearing it. He didn’t want to hear it. Lance was made to train the rest of the day with only a break allowed for dinner in return. 

Lance hasn’t brought his concerns up to anyone since then, especially not Shiro, so instead he decided to help everyone in any way he could. He would help Hunk cook, and clean up after meals so the rest of them could get back to whatever important business they were working on that day; helping Pidge with her actual work would be difficult, so Lance started cleaning up after her by tidying her room and her workspace so she could get around and find her tools easier; helping Shiro outside of being the red paladin wasn’t easy, so Lance simply started to train more often hoping that his improved skills would lessen the stress on their leader (the irony wasn’t lost on him that he was basically becoming Keith with how often he was training solo); helping Coran around the ship was something Lance has been doing since they got to space so that wasn’t hard to continue doing; and for Allura he started to join her on diplomatic missions from time to time, learning from her and even Lotor (rather reluctantly on Lance’s part) on how to speak and act in a way that made it hard to ignore your presence. He hoped to be able to do some recruiting by himself some time soon to give the princess a break on that front of things. 

All of this to not even mention how often he was making sure everyone ate and drank water and slept at reasonable hours (no, Pidge, sleeping for only 3 hours is not good enough. And no you cannot stay up for one more tick, your work will still be there in the morning). 

Lance was basically living as a glorified nanny by this point, and he was running himself absolutely ragged with all the responsibilities he’s given himself, but so long as it helped everyone else he was completely fine with it. 

Plus, as some sort of little added bonus, Lance’s efforts had allowed him to be included in more Coalition meetings. Specifically with the Blade. Even more specifically with Keith. 

Lance was lonely, and exhausted, and in pain from training, but seeing Keith, even for only a moment on a screen, was nice. It was perfect actually. Lance missed him to the point of anguish, but Keith’s mere presence, meeting his eyes for but a second, was like a healing balm that coated his physical and mental pain. Suddenly his selfish pain didn’t mean much anymore, not when he could breathe for the first time since Keith left. 

The respite that seeing Keith gave him never lasted nearly long enough, but Lance could stretch it thin to the point of snapping until the next meeting. He’s learned how to do that expertly by now. It took away Keith’s calming presence from soothing his nightmares, but making sure the team was well would always be a more productive place to put that presence anyways. 

He was still pissed at Keith for leaving like he did; telling Lance he had a place on the team and that he’d always be Keith’s right-hand man, and then just leaving. He had said to leave the math to Pidge, and then went and subtracted himself from the equation instead. Leaving Lance to flounder alone in his sudden role as Shiro’s right-hand. Leaving him to take care of the team alone because when Keith was piloting Black the two of them weren’t just teammates, they were partners. Leaving him to wonder day in and day out if Keith was safe, if he was even alive, and if Lance would be able to even know if he weren’t. Watching Keith die or learning he had died on one of his missions in a multitude of different ways was the star of most of Lance’s nightmares. 

So yeah, he was still majorly pissed off. 

But Lance couldn’t hate Keith for leaving. Not really. How could he dare to when Keith just wanted to know more about himself? His mom is somewhere out there, a part of the Blade, and Keith had the opportunity to find out who he was and maybe even find her. If Lance was given the chance to go find his mother, he knows for a fact that he would. What hurts the most about Keith’s decision isn’t that he decided to leave, even just on a whim, but rather that he left without telling Lance first. They really had become partners; they would go to each other about almost anything, and important decisions were always discussed between them first and then taken to the rest of the team. 

He had wanted that for this decision too. That confidence in their bond, that trust in each other. Lance wanted to believe that Keith knew he could go to him about possibly leaving Voltron and still find only support. But instead, he’d made up his mind alone before telling them all as a group. Lance could barely even react, giving some quip he doesn’t even remember and most definitely regrets now. He couldn’t even stop him, couldn’t reach out and ask Keith to stay, or even to just talk with him about it a bit more before just up and leaving at a moments notice. 

Keith was gone quickly, but the pain of his absence was even faster to set in.

“Lance?” 

”Hm?” Wet blue met concerned purple as Lance slowly opened his eyes and found Keith watching him with a look he couldn’t decipher. “What’s up, Mullet?” He asked, hoping he could play off the thickness in his voice as exhaustion rather than the tears he’s been holding back. 

“Are you, okay?” 

Lance had to clench his teeth tightly and blink a couple of times to keep the rush of tears from escaping past his eyes as the soft hesitant concern washed over him. “Yeah, man,” he said after a moment of gathering himself. His rough voice still gave him away though if Keith’s narrowed eyes were anything to go off of. “I’m all good. Just tired.” He tried to give a lazy smile, but could tell it didn’t reach anywhere close to his eyes. 

Keith watched him closely for a moment, his eyes taking in every detail of the boy lying in bed that the holoscreen could pick up for him. “Are you sure that’s it?” He asked, voice quiet, unsure. “You seemed, I don’t know, off in the meeting earlier?” 

“Aww, Keithy are you worried about m- wait,” Lance’s eyes widened slightly. “What do you mean, I seemed off? How so?” 

“Distracted.” Is all Keith offered by way of explanation, sounding confident this time. 

Lance frowned, his eyebrows pinching together sharply. “Distracted…” he muttered. Sure, Shiro had yelled at him again after their mission earlier, and then Lance had trained right up until the meeting with the Blade of Marmora, and he didn’t go get his leg treated from an injury he sustained during the mission because he messed up and didn’t need Shiro on his ass anymore than he already is. But Lance was almost positive he could make it through the rest of the day without anyone noticing anything. The team cannot think something’s wrong or they’ll get distracted. No one in the Coalition can think he’s not on the top of his game. He can’t afford to be distracted. 

“Lance!” Keith’s voice snapped Lance back into the moment. “Hey, just take a couple deep breaths. All I meant was that you seemed to have something on your mind. Being a little distracted during a boring meeting isn’t a bad thing. No one but me even noticed I think.” 

But you noticed, Lance’s chest squeezed painfully, you noticed and I can’t even tell if I want you to or not. 

“Lance, please tell me what’s wrong. I know something is.” 

Keith’s expression was open, genuine and soft, not something he showed others often. Lance could tell he really did want to listen. Keith wanted Lance to explain to him what’s been going on. Keith knows Lance isn’t alright, and he wants to know why.

“You’ll listen?” 

“Always.” 

And isn’t that what Lance has been wanting? He’s been so lonely since Keith left him, because he did, he left Lance. He is so tired. He’s done with being yelled at over the smallest of mistakes. He doesn’t want to be underestimated anymore, or treated like a nanny. Isn’t this what Lance has been aching for? For someone to not just look at him, but see him? For someone to recognize that he’s not okay? For someone to listen? For someone to stay?

…For Keith to stay?

Chapter Text

“I miss you.” 

He hadn’t actually meant for it to come out when Keith had asked Lance what was wrong that night. 

He wanted to explain his concerns for the team, especially his worry involving Shiro and Allura pushing themselves too hard and way too far. He wanted Keith to know that Shiro was not doing well, no matter how hard the man tried to hide it. He was worried about Coran isolating himself from everyone else because he hadn’t been seeming himself recently. His concerns over Pidge’s lack of sleep and what it could do to her. 

He wanted to tell Keith about his solo training sessions and how he’d long since beaten the level Keith had reached before he left for the Blade. 

He wanted to talk about everything because Keith wanted to listen, and yet he wanted to talk about nothing at all. Lance wanted so painfully to deflect and say some not so funny joke to change the subject. If there is one thing Lance knows for a fact, it’s that he doesn’t want Keith to worry, not about him or anyone else on team Voltron. Keith is busy, like really fucking busy risking his life almost on the daily, and he’s training with the Blade, and learning more about himself, and still searching for his mom (no matter what Keith says, Lance knows he won’t stop until he finds more about her). With all of that weighing on Keith’s shoulders, Lance really didn’t want to say anything that would make him worry or feel guilty about leaving or just want to come back in general no matter how badly Lance wants him back. 

But looking into Keith’s honest eyes, the blatant concern in them drowning Lance the longer he stared, the painful clenching of his chest when he realized Keith wasn’t actually in his bed with him but rather separated by stretches of galaxy and connected through a communication device Pidge enhanced (Lance calls it a holophone), he couldn’t just stay silent and wave off Keith’s worry. So he opened his mouth and said the most simple way of explaining everything tangled in his head:

”I miss you.”

Keith’s face when Lance had said that almost brought him to tears. The concerned expression crumbled into a combination of everything Lance did not want Keith to be feeling in that moment: worry, guilt, longing. 

Yeah, that last one had caught Lance off guard too. 

Honest to god, Keith was watching Lance with a deep sense of longing easily traceable in his amethyst eyes. And his next words didn’t help Lance’s fuzzy brain or his rapidly beating heart. Keith had smiled, a devastating little thing that made Lance’s chest squeeze painfully and his gut twist into knots, and breathed out sadly, 

“I miss you, too.” 

And that, that was so dangerous. Keith is dangerous. 

Lance almost wanted to ask ‘why? What is there to miss?’. He almost cracked open his chest to bear his heart to Keith in that moment of silent mutual despondency. Wanted to ask him what he was supposed to do with that. Lance had wanted to say, ‘I don’t know what to say except that you leaving tore out my heart while it was still beating. You left me behind, but took my heart with you when you said ‘goodbye’.’

He truly had no idea what to say to that. Lance never really thought about Keith missing him back. But rather than make a fool of himself and say something he would most likely regret the next time they carved time out of their schedules to talk alone, Lance jumped when the alarm blared through the castle. 

“Lance?” Keith had asked then, expression pinched and voice tight. 

“It’s the alarm, I, I have to go.” Despite not knowing what to say, Lance truly did not want to hang up just yet. His body and heart alike were aching, tears still pricked his eyes, and his lost sleep was constantly creeping up behind him. Talking to Keith, seeing Keith, was like a breath of fresh air, and his lungs constantly screamed for more until they got their fill. And this short, emotional conversation, did not fill him enough to function properly. 

Keith obviously knows the importance of missions, and despite his clear reluctance to do so, ended the video call first after being able to tell that Lance could not do it himself. He gave him a soft smile and a promise to talk very soon, and with that ice water was dumped over Lance’s head. His body numbed to the overwhelming ache left with the afterimage of Keith’s face and tousled hair. 

He really had not wanted to leave the cold bed, but Lance is at least grateful he did. The mission they had gone on that night was to go help a planet they had already allied with. It was an excellent source of energy that the Galra had fought tooth and nail to keep some handful of weeks ago, and now they were trying to take it back. 

If asked, Lance truthfully could not tell you much about what went on during the battle. He could remember Red getting clipped in the side by a Galra cruiser that had sent her hurtling towards the surface of the planet because of the force of her own momentum (she really is insanely fast). Then he recalled waking up (when he passed out in the first place is anyone’s guess) to being dragged across the rough ground by a Galra sentry. Fighting back. Taking out the sentry’s leg. Getting shot by it’s blaster in the shoulder. Shooting it with it’s own weapon. Getting back to Red. And then waking up. 

The injury he had sustained during that mission wasn’t awful, it wasn’t even the worst one he’s ever gotten especially with having been shot plenty of times in the past, but it had put him in a pod for close to a week. 

Coran had told him, when he woke up, that while the injury wasn’t bad, his untreated leg injury from the day previous, as well as his near threatening levels of exhaustion had only made it that much worse. 

Lance has been in the pods enough to know that you don’t dream while in cryosleep. It’s like you go in one day and come out the same time, only those around you tend to wear the time that passed on their faces. It’s because he knows dreaming in the pods isn’t possible that Lance is even able to accept what he wakes up to is real. 

He questions his sanity, he really and truly does. He wonders if the exhaustion finally caught up to him and he was hallucinating. He even briefly thought about the universe playing a massive practical joke on him and allowed him to dream this one time. Because what happens when he opens his eyes and falls free from the pod, shivering from the insane cold needed to cryofeeeze a person, is just so far out of the realm of possibility that it can’t be real. 

It cannot be real. 

He can’t be real. 

He can’t be here. 

“I’m back, Lance.” 

Chapter Text

“I’m back, Lance.” 

Keith isn’t…the best at emotions. He’s gotten a lot better at understanding his own, as well as picking up on other’s feelings, but it’ll take a lot more than some time spent with the most empathetic person he’s ever met for Keith to feel confident in knowing emotions. Most people are closed off when it comes to baring their hearts, not wanting others to know their weakness and use them against each other or not wanting to appear weak in general or simply not wanting someone to get close enough to hurt them. Keith intimately understands this sentiment more than the general public probably ever could; expressing your feelings for someone else to see and pick apart is terrifying. If they can get close enough to know how your heart works, then they’re close enough to hurt you, possibly beyond repair. 

Keith never wanted someone to be able to get that close, he never intended on allowing someone to get that close, but then he met him. 

Lance isn’t perfect, and that’s the best part.

He has the most beautiful ocean blue eyes that one can easily find themselves swimming in, but never drowning. His brown hair is kept short, but it curls at the ends in a mesmerizing swirl. He’s kind and selfless, and he will simply listen when you want him to or give you advice when needed. He’s easy to talk and open up to as he takes most things in stride. He is a team player who is flexible in the way he operates. He is one of the best friends you would ever have the privilege of knowing. 

But he’s also stubborn enough to create a whole rivalry out of thin air and stick with it for much longer than necessary. He has a tendency to joke about serious topics as a way to deflect from himself or to help others settle down. He flirts far more than he breathes, but can also tear himself down in the same breath. He doesn’t view himself very highly, and both overcompensates by drinking in compliments but also will not accept them at the same time. He puts others before himself, and will run himself into the ground to help with a smile on his face the entire time. 

Perhaps this is why Keith grew to be so comfortable with Lance. He never pretends, and you tend to know exactly where you stand with him if you know what to look for. Lance would never purposefully harm a heart that is handed to him, Keith isn’t actually sure he knows he’s capable of doing so. 

Even with the fear of getting closer, and the knowledge that Lance would never take a heart for granted, Keith never stood a chance at keeping his own tucked safely away in his chest. 

When Keith had first started to realize he was falling in love with Lance, around the time they first became partners leading Voltron through many battles, he was well and truly scared of the consequences. It took a while, but Keith did eventually come to realize that love isn’t something to be scared of, even unrequited doomed only to hurt love, not when it was Lance the love was for. Lance was worth every ounce of pain that loving him brought.

To love someone is firstly to be prepared to be devastated by them.

And Keith was prepared.

He took his heart, carefully gift-wrapped it, and handed it over to Lance with no hesitation knowing that he would either never get it back again in this lifetime, or that it would come back damaged at some point. And honestly? Keith was ready to accept either outcome. 

What he hadn’t been ready to accept was that Lance’s own precious heart was also entrusted to him in return. 

Keith left team Voltron once it was confirmed Shiro could still pilot Black. He left not only just for himself and wanting to figure out more about his Galran heritage and maybe even find his mother, but he also left for Lance. A boy so unsure of himself despite being the glue that has been holding the team together since the very beginning. Lance didn’t believe himself worthy of keeping his well-deserved place as a paladin of Voltron, and had made it clear to Keith that he was ready to back down from his position to make others happy. It wasn’t an excuse, and it definitely was not the sole reason for Keith’s decision, but Lance’s insecurities were definitely a nudge. Keith knows he isn’t the best leader, and he’d be lying if he said he was a better right-hand than Lance, so he figured, why not go be useful somewhere his unique skill set would be needed, find himself, and help Lance feel like he belongs? Three birds, one stone. 

It hurt to leave, and it hurt even more to see the look on Lance’s face when he realized Keith had made this decision by himself, but he knew that he had to go. And while it was painful to be separated from the team he’s come to view as a family, to be separated from Lance, Keith knew he was doing something so good for the universe. 

It wasn’t easy, but it was okay for a short time where he would be completely swamped with training and missions that the Blade deemed him ready to be sent on. But then he started to have some free time and join in on Coalition meetings (his previous status as a paladin of Voltron is probably the main reason he was even allowed in these meetings). It was maybe a month or so after joining in on meetings that Lance started to become a regular appearance during them. Lance was dazzling every time he was present; he was a strong presence that overshadowed even Shiro himself, he was so smart and well put together and seemed like he knew only the best things to say to all the leaders of the Coalition. He was beautiful in the way he would talk and act, and it made Keith burn from the inside out. It was like his own personal hell that he couldn’t bring himself to look away from. 

But then he started to notice it. 

Lance was exhausted. 

And not like the tired everyone else was; not the normal amount of sleepy from training or missions or just plain worrying over something. No, Lance was running the candle on both ends and he was burning out faster than Keith could even think of a way to stop it. Lance was withering away in front of everyone, and Keith was the only one who seemed to even notice. 

That’s when he convinced Kolivan to allow private communication between him and the paladins from time to time. Not that the older Galra needed to know he was only using it to check in on and talk to Lance specifically. 

This seemed to help some as Lance would always look and act more alive during the few minutes they could carve out for each other than during the entire meetings they’ve been a part of for a couple of months now. But the newfound light in Lance’s eyes would always fade and dim to dangerously low levels when Keith would have to hang up. 

He wanted so desperately to be there in person, to curl protectively over Lance’s thinning form and keep him in bed long enough to sleep away those dark circles painted under the beautiful sapphires that star in his dreams most nights. He wanted to tell Lance that it’s okay to take a break, that he’s a part of a team that can take on some of his burden if only he’d ask them to. He wanted to wipe away those tears that would gather in long lashes on nights after especially difficult and dangerous missions. Lance has often recounted times where the rest of the paladins were in serious danger with a haunted and distant look in his eyes and a shake of his hands, but he would brush off his own injuries and close calls with a small grin that would never stretch across his face far enough to be convincing. 

His concern had reached a peak that night. Lance hasn’t been himself in weeks, but he was just, he was so off during that last meeting. He was sweating and limping, which isn’t much of a shock anymore after learning Lance had taken up solo training during his free time, but the hesitant way he held himself was a shock. Lance has been nothing but confident during Coalition meetings for so long now that seeing him so unsure was jarring. And not only that, but he was glancing at Shiro with a wary expression often enough for Keith to quickly and easily pick up on it. He was pretty confident that no one else even noticed Lance was off his game, distracted, because they all continued as normal even while one of the leaders of Voltron was swaying on his feet. 

Keith tried to talk to Lance about it later that night during one of their video calls, but all he got out of it was making Lance panic. That and an admission that makes Keith’s heart clench painfully every single time he thinks of it. 

“I miss you,” 

The entire time Keith has been gone everyone has expressed how much they all miss him being on the castle and living with him, but Lance has been steadfast in his conviction to never tell Keith those three words. Now that he has, the tremble of his voice and the wobble of his lips is all Keith can think about when he’s given even a moment by himself.

There was no way in hell he could just sit idly by and let Lance ruin himself for others and run himself ragged and miss Keith all by himself. 

So he left. 

Not without getting permission from Kolivan, of course. Keith isn’t that bad of a subordinate. But he had to leave the Blade, for Lance, for himself, because Keith misses him just as much if not more. It’s easy to ignore the painful ache when you’re busy all day every day, but when that ache has gradually grown into a sharp sting every time you even simply breathe, then it’s less easy to ignore. 

The team had been called on a support mission and Keith went to receive permission that same night. Missions always drained so much life from Lance, and he didn’t have much to lose this time around, so he really wanted to be there for Lance as a pleasant surprise when they all got back. He had planned on being there in the lion’s hanger waiting so he could escort Lance back to the bridge for a debriefing and then whisk Lance off to his room for the pampering and hugs that he needs and deserves so much. Maybe even a confession if things went that way, but if not then Keith would be more than happy to be the friend Lance seemed to not have at the moment. 

Everything was going according to plan,

until it wasn’t. 

Red was forced down onto the planet. 

Lance was taken. 

Lance was injured. 

And no one was going to save him. 

But Lance is strong, and he got out of the situation himself, got back to Red, and headed back to the castle. 

Keith was already there waiting for him, like originally planned, but what he wasn’t expecting was to get an armful of limp Lance crashing into him after stumbling down Red’s ramp. 

He had been shot, as Keith could both see and feel the blood from the shoulder wound seeping into the Blade of Marmora uniform he hadn’t had the chance to change out of yet. 

It was terrifying, the way Lance was unresponsive and his head lolled from side to side as Keith rushed him to the med bay. He had accidentally growled at Coran when the man tried to take Lance from his arms, but he purposefully snarled at Shiro, of all people, when he had tried to make Keith leave the room to get cleaned up. If it weren’t for Allura and Coran gently convincing him that Lance had to be put in a pod soon if he wanted to be okay again, then Keith is almost positive he would’ve just stood there with a slowly bleeding out Lance held tightly in his arms. 

He did quickly get Lance put in a pod after the Alteans had told him that, though.

And then he stood guard. 

Keith had only moved once during that long week of Lance being in a pod - when Lance’s blood had long since dried and started to crack with every movement. Keith found himself nauseous as almost black flakes fell from his chest where he’d cradled Lance. So he’d showered. 

He was cordial with everyone on the ship up until he found out from Coran that Lance had a sprained knee that no one had picked up on, and that he was exhausted. Like, close to passing out. After learning that these ailments would keep him in the pod longer than the necessary couple of days needed for the shoulder injury, Keith was no longer even up to playing nice. 

Allura had tried to apologize for not noticing sooner, and Keith truly could not blame her for that because of how insanely busy she is. It’s not her responsibility to notice something one of her team is purposefully hiding. He had told her as much, and followed it up with “I’m sure he won’t want to hear it either, but Lance is the only one you have to apologize to.” 

Coran was also mournful, stating he was around the paladins so often that he had a hard time noticing when Lance in particular was injured because he always focused on the others before himself. Keith knew the feeling, and couldn’t blame Coran either because it may just be the infrequent talks that had Keith realizing something was wrong long before the others did. 

Pidge and Hunk were so quiet, and so worried. Keith couldn’t bring himself to forgive either of them for not noticing something, anything, and for not being there for Lance when he needed someone, but he had stepped back and allowed them to spend time in the med bay after the first day he growled at Hunk to keep him away and made the soft boy cry. The two weren’t there as often as Coran, but that’s probably because they were so wary of Keith biting their heads off if they tried. It was briefly thought about, but not that he would. 

As for Shiro, the man was banned from the med bay until Lance got out. Not only had he tried to rush Lance’s time in the pod, but when he found out he couldn’t do that he tried to talk Keith into piloting Red. It didn’t work, obviously, but Keith did need to be held back this time from actually biting Shiro’s head off. Something was so wrong with his brother, and he regretted ever leaving the team, but Lance came first. 

Lance would always come first. 

So he stood guard, waiting for the moment the pod would release the beautiful boy back into the land of the living. And when it did, on the sixth day of waiting, Keith was there ready to catch him. 

He would be prepared to catch Lance every time he fell from now on. 

“I’m back, Lance.”

Chapter Text

He was so warm. 

Well, anything would feel warm after even a moment in a cryopod, but he didn’t just feel warm, he felt familiar. 

It had been more than a shock when Lance opened his eyes and found deep purple staring right back at him. He shouldn’t be here.

Keith was busy doing good for the universe and he had his own shit to worry about. Lance might’ve been able to convince himself that Keith was on the castle to visit everyone, that he just wanted to see his family and just never told Lance because it would’ve ruined the surprise or something like that.

But Lance isn’t stupid, contrary to popular belief. There’s no way he told Keith those three words, left for a mission that same night, and then woke up days later in Keith’s arms; that’s way too coincidental for it to have already been planned out in advance. 

It’s the sweetest form of torture though. 

For Lance to wake up from his cryosleep with aching thoughts of being in love with the very person he sees when he opens his eyes but knows he can never truly have. For him to meet the soft gaze of the one who’s been haunting his every waking moment anymore. For Keith to feel solid, safe, and secure as Lance clung onto his familiar black t-shirt. 

Their reunion was bittersweet and cut short when Shiro walked into the room with a deep frown that Lance has become entirely too used to seeing by this point.

“Lance,” Shiro had nodded in acknowledgment. 

“Shiro.”

“It’s good to see you back up and moving around.” 

Lance eyed his leader warily. Is it? He wanted to ask, but would never voice aloud, too afraid of the answer he would get. 

Shiro looked between Lance and Keith sitting on an examination table, having not moved too far after Lance woke up. “It’s good to know we can form Voltron now,” 

Oh.

”I tried to get Keith to pilot the Red lion, but he wouldn’t listen to reason.” 

Oh.

“Shiro!” Keith sounded absolutely disgusted by what his brother was saying, but Lance, Lance blocked it out. 

He was numb, still reeling from Keith’s sudden appearance, and tired. 

So tired. 

Of course they all would want Keith to pilot Red again. Who wouldn’t? Shiro was just looking out for the team. Lance had fucked up one too many times by this point; he screwed up and wound up in a pod this last time. The universe was without Voltron for the last week because of him; if they had access to a better pilot it only makes sense that they would want to take it. If they had access to Keith, then it only makes sense that they’d want him instead.

Lance definitely would. 

By the time he zoned back into the situation, a small hand was holding onto his bicep just a bit too strong to be comforting. 

“Keith, get him out of here.” 

Lance looked down and was met with fluffy dirty blonde hair. “Pidge?” His voice was but a croak, but it got the girl’s attention enough to draw her eyes up to him. 

“Hey, buddy,” Hunk answered instead. “We have a lot to talk about.” He gave his best friend a sad smile. 

“But not until you’re rested enough to walk on your own.” Pidge added with a half-hearted glare. 

Lance didn’t get the time to respond to that, to even point out just how hypocritical that is of her to say, before he was being hugged gently. 

“I am so sorry I did not notice you were struggling, but I will not make that mistake again.” Allura said softly, her voice thick with an emotion Lance’s brain was having trouble identifying (Guilt, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Keith offered). She held him in her arms, gently petting his hair, until someone else’s were suddenly holding him instead. 

“Did you get your fill?” Pidge asked the newcomer. 

“Not even close,” Keith snorted humorlessly. “But punching my brother in the face comes second right now.” Lance felt himself tremble in those secure arms, although found himself unsure of if it was him or Keith doing the trembling. “Lance, let’s go now, okay?” 

Go where? He wanted to ask, but by the time he found his voice, Keith had already started leading Lance out of the room. He must have zoned out again though, the overwhelming sense of safety making that easy to do, because the next time he was aware Keith had already gotten them back and sitting on Lance’s own bed in his room. 

It was silent between them as they sat together. Keith even seemed almost uncomfortable with the close proximity. Or maybe that was the oppressive silence. Lance couldn’t help but hope it’s the latter. 

“Why didn’t you?” Lance finally sighed, too tired to even try and force Keith out of his room. It would take too much effort to do something he really doesn’t want to do, and he does not want to fall asleep without getting some answers. Most pressing of those being, what the actual fuck is up with Keith?

”Why didn’t I, what?” Keith asked hesitantly after being shaken from his own thoughts. 

Lance pushed himself to stand up on shaky legs and started slowly pacing. “Pilot Red when Shiro asked you to.” He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world to wonder about. And to him it really was. Red would always be Keith’s lion, even when he was leading the team and piloting Black, and even when Lance had taken over and Keith was with the Blade of Marmora. Keith would always be the red paladin, even when he technically wasn’t; always the fastest and most reliable, always the one to act first, always the one to motivate the others to move even when they were scared to try. Keith is Lance’s better, he knows this. 

Keith’s face twisted, anger showing through despite him obviously trying to keep it under control. “Why would I even think of doing that?” He spoke with the incredulity he felt at the entire situation since Shiro had asked him to do something so inconceivable. 

“B-because the universe needs Voltron…” Lance tried to sound confident in his answer, but Keith’s expression was throwing him off. 

“And Voltron needs you.” Keith stood up as well, meeting Lance’s gaze head-on. “Lance,” he started with something soft in his tone no one but the boy in front of him has ever heard before. “I’m not a paladin anymore, I’m not Red’s paladin. That’s you. It might seem easy to replace one of us with how often we’ve done some sort of fucked up lion swap, but that’s really only between me and Shiro.

“You were the first paladin to be recognized by Blue, you got us to Allura and Coran so we could find the other lions. It was you that protected Coran from an explosion at the risk of your own life despite only knowing him for a short while. You’ve always been the one there for all us as we worked through our shit. You were there for me.” He slowly reached out and hooked his pinky with Lance’s. “Blue didn’t abandon you, despite what you may think, she and Red did that for me because everyone, even our lions, can tell that the person I need by my side the most is you.” 

Lance had clear tears welling up in his eyes. “That’s-“ he took a trembling breath, but still pulled away from Keith’s kind touch. He can’t let things go further than this. Keith is so kind, he’s too good, he came all this way simply because Lance missed him and couldn’t swallow it down anymore. If, if Lance asked him to, Keith might just stay. But he’d be staying for all the wrong reasons and eventually grow to resent Lance for asking that of him. And if Keith resents him, Lance isn’t quite so sure he could keep going the way he has been. So he had to steel himself, get Keith to turn away now with the bad blood between them never reaching a peak they’re unable to come down from.

“If, if you needed me by your side,” his voice cracked as he spoke, “then why did you leave?” It didn’t come out as accusatory as Lance actually wanted it to, but Keith still reeled back all the same like he had been dealt a physical blow. “You needed me and left,” he didn’t want to go here, didn’t want to lay his heart bare, but Keith has already gotten a glimpse at his broken insides, might as well keep going. “But did you ever think about how I needed you too?” 

“Lance, I-“ Keith wanted to cry. He wanted to break down and hold Lance tight to him like he’s always dreamed of doing and just cry. Of course he thought about it, the idea has plagued his thoughts since he made up his mind to join the Blade. He never once thought their partnership was a one-sided situation, but at the same time he never truly saw just how lonely Lance was. How much of a front he put up because the others needed him more than he needed them. It was so stupid, and naive, and Keith just hopes and prays he is given the chance to make up for it. 

It was hard to keep talking and look into the hurt-filled purple that Lance has only ever wanted to look at him with love and trust, but he couldn’t stop now. He opened his big mouth, and now Keith is going to just have to stand there and accept what comes from the floodgates he unknowingly opened. “And I, I never would have stopped you, you know?” He continued like Keith hadn’t tried to say something. “This is, well, it’s you. It’s finding out who you are, learning about half of your entire heritage. Maybe even finding your mom, Keith. It hurt to watch you leave, but I never would have done anything to stop you from doing it. You deserve the chance to learn about yourself.” And that was never the problem for Lance, he would still gladly support Keith in his search even now. “But you, you never even told me. I thought we were, that we were getting closer, that we could rely on each other, that I was your right-hand! I really thought we led this team together, that we would make decisions together.” I just want to be with you! He didn’t say, unable to make his tongue work enough to get the words out. 

“But I was obviously wrong, and that’s- that’s o…okay. I’m s-sorry you had to come back to this, so you can go back n,now. You can leave, I won’t sto, I won’t stop you.” Lance hiccuped, his knees buckling with the force of the sudden sob that ripped through his body. He would have landed harshly on the floor in the middle of his room if not for a pair of strong arms circling around him, holding him up. 

“Lance,” Keith’s voice was broken, he sounded absolutely devastated as he held the only person he’s ever wanted to. He’s wanted to hold Lance for so long now, but not like this. Never like this. “Lance, I’m not going anywhere.” He couldn’t help the tears that escaped him, landing into curly brown hair that tickled Keith’s nose from how closely the two were pressed to each other. “I’m not- I won’t leave you again.” He would have to be pried from Lance’s side with a fucking crowbar before he could ever be forced from his side. And even then it wouldn’t work if Keith had any say in things. “I’m so sorry I ever did in the first place. You deserve better than I, or anyone on this team have ever given you.” He held Lance even closer, one hand cradling the back of his head and the other rubbing soothing circles into the small of Lance’s back. “It’s so unfair that we were all laughing while you were hurting alone.” 

Lance shoved his face into the crook of Keith’s neck, wetting the skin there. “It’s not y,your fault, it’s m-“

”It’s not.” Keith said confidently, tightening his hold. “Please don’t say any of this is your fault. I know that all you want is for everyone to be happy and healthy, even at the cost of your own health and happiness. I know that you try to make yourself digestible, a way for everyone here to learn how to love you. But Lance,” Keith’s voice cracked on the name, and he kissed Lance’s temple. “Lance, you’ve never had to try in the first place. You’re so easy to love. It’s actually harder not to.” He chuckled lightly, releasing his tight grip when he felt Lance squirm in his arms. “I don’t know what’s going on with Shiro, and the rest of them have some work to do to make things right with you, but we can tackle that together.” He gave a small smile and brushed some curls out of Lance’s face tucking it behind his ear and then lingering, his hand cupping Lance’s cheek. “Because I’m not going anywhere, and you were never wrong - we are partners.” Forever and always, if Keith has his way. He’s only ever made one important decision without Lance, and it was a fucking mistake. He never wants the chance to make a second one. 

“Where did you learn how to do this?” Lance croaked. At Keith’s questioning stare, he elaborated. “Are the Blade members super good with emotions and like really articulate or something? It cannot be Kolivan you’ve learned how to talk like this from, I’ve said maybe a total of three words to that man and have gotten maybe one back.” 

Keith’s smile widened, his heart soaring as he picked up on the sparkle in Lance’s eyes that has been noticeably absent for the last couple of months. “You’re right, it’s not the Blade, and definitely not Kolivan.” He couldn’t help but snort as he thought about the stoic Galra talking about his feelings and comforting someone else. “I learned from the best influence in the entire universe.” 

Now it was Lance’s turn to look at Keith in confusion. Who could possibly turn emotionally repressed and leave the math to Pidge Keith into someone who knows just what Lance needs to hear in the moment. And he’s even touching him? Hugging him, to be more precise. On the floor of Lance’s room. With Lance in his lap!

”You, Lance. I learned from you.” 

“Oh.” Lance mumbled dumbly, his heart racing and face flushing as he took in Keith’s soft expression and dazzling eyes. “Oh!” He repeated on a love-struck sigh, this time leaning into the warm hand still holding one side of his face. “Is, is it easy for you too?” He asked softly, unable to bite his tongue before the words were able coming out. 

Keith wiped away the leftover tears lingering on Lance’s smooth skin, and leaned forward. “Easier than you realize.” He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Lance’s. “When the world overwhelms you, when you find it too hard to fight on your own, I’ll be there for you, Lance. I will be there to hold your hand in the darkest of nights, and I’ll cherish our brightest moments together. I want to be good for you,” Keith swallowed roughly, “better than I have been. I don’t have to be what you need, but I want to help you find whatever that may be. I know that we’re in a space war and making promises about anything in the future is stupid to do, but Lance, I promise to get you home one way or another.” Because going home, back to earth, has been what Lance wants most since they ended up in space. Keith wants to give that to him, give his family back to him. 

It was silent between them for a moment or two, but eventually Lance’s eyes started to water again. “Fuck you.” He muttered weakly, leaning heavily back into Keith’s embrace, waiting arms wrapping securely around him. “I have nightmares.” He mumbled into a solid chest. 

“That’s okay, I do too.” 

“I don’t know how to ask for help.” 

“I know, and all I ask is that you trust me and just try.” 

“I do trust you.” Lance whispered, peering up at Keith’ face through his long eyelashes. The warm look he got in return made his heart beat wildly in his chest. “I, I can’t keep choking it back…” 

“Then don’t. You can tell me anything, Lance.” Keith threaded his fingers through soft locks, essentially petting Lance’s head. 

Oh quiznack, he groaned. I’m so far gone. “Keith, I love you.” The petting stopped, but Lance pressed on. “All those things you told me, I want to do that for you too. I want to be there for you to lean on when things are too hard to do by yourself. I want to hold you through your own nightmares. I want to live in the moment with you during the good days. Keith, I can feel it in my chest when I breathe. It’s so much, and it hurt so bad while you were gone. I don’t know when it happened, but it hit me quickly even before you left. 

I love you.” 

Everything in Keith’s body and mind did a system reboot as he took in Lance’s words. 

“I love so much about you, everything. Even the things that get on my nerves, because it’s all part of you, and I love you. And I, I especially love you for wanting to take me home, but that, it’s not probable. And I know that it’s not. And it’s not, okay, because I miss my family so much, and I want to introduce you to them because I just know they’d love you as much as I do. But sitting here, like this, with you holding me so softly, so gently, like I’m something precious to be cherished, I, I actually am okay.” Lance huffed as he talked in circles. “What I’m trying to say is, I may not be able to go back to the family I miss, but I’m with the family I found. And that’s okay. You’re my home now, Keith.” 

“And you’re- that’s okay?” I’m okay? You’re willing to find a home in me? You trust me that much? 

“Yes.” 

“I love you too.” Keith ignored the shock on Lance’s face from the suddenness of his bold statement, instead opting to lift Lance up by his thighs and stand up. “You’re my home too. But more than that, you’re my family. My only family.” He was speaking quickly and with no filter as he walked them back over to the bed. “You’re the family I chose. I really fucked up recently, but I want to make it up to you. Please let me fix what I broke.” Because that’s all he wants to do, all he’s wanted to do. Loving Lance is an integral part of what makes Keith, Keith. Lance took some lost and empty boy from the middle of the desert and filled him with so much careful love that Keith can’t find where who he was and who he is now meet. “Please allow me to continue choosing to love you.”

Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s neck, kissing his lips gently as the two toppled onto his bed. His hands held Keith’s face and he was looking at him with such tender warmth, like Keith was the precious one worthy of being cherished, and he kissed him again. He kissed his nose, his eyelids, eyebrows, his forehead. He kissed the tear tracks burned on pale cheeks. Lance put all of his emotions into these kitten kisses; all of his anger, his loneliness, and despair, and anxiety, but also all of his happiness, his hope, his promises for the future. All of his love was poured into these ministrations, and Lance only stopped when he felt Keith’s tears were no longer ones of pain but rather of joy. He pressed his body into Keith’s, wanting all of each other to become one. Lance leaned down and whispered into Keith’s ear:

“Please always love me on purpose.”