Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Happenstance

Definition: Something that happens by coincidence

The palace was in a fury of bustling servants and Zuko had no idea what the fuss was about. He peered from around the curtains of his room and watched as servants carried another dresser across the courtyard. Zuko honestly didn’t know what all the commotion was about. It was just a Wednesday, but maybe something was going on today. The vibrant red dress of the Fire Lady swished across the courtyard and towards his direction. Zuko’s heart dropped to his stomach as her gaze seemed to scan in his general area.

Zuko ducked behind the curtains. He wasn’t sure if he’d been spotted or not and swore that he had hidden before his mother saw him. The anxious tingle of discovery fluttered through his abdomen. ‘Silent as a night breeze’ as Lu Ten had instructed, he let his left foot slide out first and stepped out from hiding towards his destination.

“Oh, Prince Zuko! My Lady he’s this way!”

So much for a sneaky escape.

“Zuko, I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Do you know what time it is?” From her graceful yet exasperated look, he assumed she was about to tell him. “The Chief and Ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe have just arrived and you’re still in your day clothes!” She smudged some imaginary dirt from his cheek. “We need to get you cleaned up and presentable before they see you. Come with me quickly! Cretia!” A maid from across the courtyard turned towards his mother, her arms seemed to be overflowing with laundry of some sort.

“Yes, My Lady?”

“When you’re finished please meet me in the Prince’s room to help get him properly dressed for the welcoming ceremony. It’s going to take two pairs of hands to get him cleaned fast enough.”

“Mother I’m not even tha−”

“Silence Prince Zuko, we’re running behind schedule enough as it is. My Gods, Kya is going to laugh at how much of a mess this place is in.” Fire Lady Ursa turned to her son, he watched a small smile creep onto her face. “Well!” She clapped her hands, “let’s see if I can find my son under all of that grime!” She let out a bubble of a laugh and Zuko couldn’t help the smile come onto his face as he followed her to his room.

“Ambassador Kya, it’s good to see you again.” Zuko watched the woman in fancy blue clothing give a small bow, it gave the feeling of anything but friendly. Zuko couldn't help but doubt in his mother's description of a "close friend".

“My Lady, you have a beautiful home as always.” His mother gave a stiff bow in return. Zuko’s father gave a slight nod, almost as if he were approving the conversation before he and the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe had started to walk towards his father’s main office. Their deep voices echoing against the walls as they talked about some business. Zuko couldn’t help but be jealous that Azula got to go with their father while he had to stay behind with his mother and this woman in weird blue clothes. He started to shift his weight from foot to foot in boredom as the men and Azula walked down the hallway, the soft click of the office door seemed loud compared to the lack of conversation in the hall. He huffed at his lack of good fortune. Azula was always lucky.

He jerked his head back to the blue clothing as a swish of movement caught his eye.

A small girl he hadn’t noticed before peered around the edges of the Ambassador’s blue dress, her sudden appearance taking him by surprise. Lu Ten would be disappointed if he ever found out. Zuko’s eyes widened as the girl finally looked at him only to disappear again when they made eye contact.

He looked to the ground when he felt his cheeks start to heat up. He didn't know it was possible for someone's eyes to be the color of a summer ocean.

What a weird person.

“I think that’s good enough. Oh! He is so handsome Ursa!” The sudden outburst startled him. He looked up to see the Ambassador looking at him with a new light in her eyes. Funny...he didn't notice before that she had the same water colored eyes as the girl. “And Azula has grown so much since the last I’d seen her.”

His mother smiled, “oh Kya, I’ve missed you! It’s been too long since the last we’ve seen each other!” Zuko quirked his eyebrow when he heard them squeal at the same time before hugging each other. He had never seen his mother do something so normal. “And you young lady, you have grown so much in only a few years.” Ursa bent over so she was almost to the small girl’s height.

“Say hello to the Fire Lady, Katara.” Kya pushed the girl out from behind her. She staggered towards Ursa, looking at her with awe. He almost didn’t hear the small voice that came out.

“Are…are you the Queen?” Ursa gave a big smile.

“I’m the Fire Lady, but I guess that does make me something like a queen.” Katara’s eyes widened.

“Woah…Mom, she’s really a queen!” Katara pulled at Kya’s skirts in excitement.

“I know, I know, stop pulling on my clothes.” Kya laughed and looked to Ursa, “she was really excited on the flight over here to see a 'real live queen'. She looked like she was ready to explode with happiness when we got within view of the palace. It's almost a miracle she didn't.”

“I’m just so glad you’re here. It’s so nice to see familiar faces.” Ursa and Kya began to walk towards the courtyard. It wasn’t until they were close enough did Zuko notice a little umbrella and table set out with tea and a few bites of food out on the grass. He tried not to let the boredom show on his face. Lu Ten wasn’t joking when he said this was going to be a slow and painful death!

He had just gotten through shredding his tenth blade of grass before he looked up. Everyone was staring at him, a lump of charcoal clogged his throat as he swallowed, apologized and looked away. Ursa gave him a smile.

“Prince Zuko, why don’t you take Katara over to the fountain. I hear she just started waterbending lessons, I’m sure she could show you a few cool tricks.” He looked over to the girl and saw her gaping at his mother in horror.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. Katara dear, why don’t you show the prince the move you just learned last week?” Katara’s ears turned red as she nodded her head and slowly stood up, not bothering to wait for the boy.

Zuko moved to get up but stopped when his mother shot him a warning look. “Remember what we talked about.” He hung his head in annoyance.

“Yes Mother.”

Kya tried to hide a laugh behind her hand but Ursa only huffed at the noise. “What was that about?”

“He’s got it in his head from someone that girls are, and I quote, ‘girls are crazy.’ And has been avoiding Azula and her friends thinking he’s going to catch it like it’s contagious.”

Kya snorted into her hand. “Sounds like something Sokka would say.”

“And where is he, by the way?” Ursa watched Katara try to demonstrate a move with the fountain water. The look of determination only exaggerated with her tongue sticking out. She could see on her son’s face that he didn’t want to be there, but the subtle curiosity in his gaze as he watched the water move like a snake in front of his face let her know more than enough that he was pretending.

“He’s back home with my mother. He had fallen through the ice a few weeks ago and is still recuperating.”

“Oh Agni! Is he really okay?!”

The water tribe woman let out a small laugh. “He’s perfectly fine. Falls through the ice about once a month at this rate.” Kya rolled her eyes before continuing. “You should have seen how upset he was when he found out he was still too sick to come. He’s been wanting to visit the Fire Nation again for so long.” Kya saw the worried look on Ursa’s face, “he’s doing okay now. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s back home wearing a hole into the ice from his pacing.” Kya shook her head and laughed. “Some days I wonder if he copies his father on purpose of if I just created a Hakoda 2.0 clone.”

Ursa giggled at the comment. “I know what you mean. Zuko’s been hanging out with Lu Ten so much this summer. And with Lu Ten off to join the army at the end of autumn, he’s starting to act as if he’s becoming a soldier and is about to be shipped off just like his cousin.”

Kya hummed softly, “I remember when we were growing up, always pretending to be like our mothers and wanting so badly to be a grown up. And then you stop to blink and realize you spent your entire childhood as an adult without really being a child. And even with the fragile way things are right now, I feel blessed by the ocean spirits that we’re still able to meet like this still.”

“One of my few pleasures in life is definitely the feeling of happiness, peaceful happiness.” The two women sat and watched as Katara demonstrated another waterbending move and watched as Zuko tried to do the same with his fire.

Kya cleared her throat before continuing. “So how is life with the husband? Have things−”

“It’s not like that! MOOOM! Zuko’s being STUPID!” Kya choked on her tea.

“Young Lady!”

“I’m not stupid! You’re just being dumb!” Zuko yelled.

“I’m not the dumb one! Dummy!” Katara yelled back with equal force.

“Well you’re just being crazy then!”

“Prince Zuko!” Ursa made a motion as if she was about to stand up and the two children quieted immediately. Ursa leaned back into her seat. “Prince Zuko that is no way to treat a lady, now apologize.”

“But I didn’t star−”

“Irrelevant, apologize to her.” Zuko hung his head and looked like he mumbled something under his breath.

“When you apologize you have to mean it!” Katara seemed on the verge of yelling again.

“Katara, you need to apologize as well.” Katara looked to her mom as if she suddenly grown a second head.

“But−”

“Katara…” Kya said warningly.

“Sorry Zuko.” She said with a little more malice than appropriate but at least the words were out there.

“There! That wasn’t too hard now was it?” Ursa stood up gracefully as she spoke. She didn’t miss Zuko mumble something else but decided to ignore it. “Well I think that’s enough bending practice for today. Prince Zuko, why don’t you show the young lady around the palace since she’ll be staying with us for the next week.” Zuko’s head was still hung over as he nodded.

“Yes Mother.” He sounded as depressed as he looked.

The children shuffled out quietly as Zuko started pointing to random objects. Kya couldn’t help the snort come out when she heard Zuko’s depressed mumbles of “that’s the torch that sits on a wall…that’s the rock in the garden, it doesn’t move much.”

Kya and Ursa let out a laugh as soon as the children were out of earshot.

“At least he didn’t get his sense of humor from his father.” Ursa tried to cover up her snort at the comment but from the look she got from Kya’s face, the two quickly burst into fits.

The women sat in the garden catching up for what had felt like only minutes. It was almost dusk when a servant had come around announcing that dinner would be served within the hour. Kya and Ursa opted to go retrieve the children who had last been seen heading towards the library.

Just outside the doors, Ursa held up her finger and slowly cracked the door open. As promised, Katara and Zuko were sitting in the library, book strewn out over the large table and paper and pots of different colored paint were laid out. It sounded as if Katara had been trying to draw her version of a tigerseal while Zuko had been drawing out what he think they should look like.

Kya smirked as she continued to watch the children through the crack. “It seems like the spirits are on our side, I think they get along very well.”

“For now at least.” Ursa covered her mouth to suppress a giggle. “How do you think they’ll react when they find out they’ve spent the afternoon with their future spouse?”

Kya quirked an eyebrow. Katara looked positively furious at Zuko’s rendition of the tigerseal. “Just promise to have a photo taken of his face when you tell Zuko. He makes the funniest faces when he’s surprised.”

“He does, doesn’t he!” The two let out a small laugh and froze when two small heads popped up to glance in their direction.

“Mom? You outside?” Of course it would be Zuko to catch them.

“Guess we’ve been caught.” Ursa straightened up before opening the door fully.

Zuko narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “What were you guys laughing about?”

Kya and Ursa held their hands behind their back, crossing their fingers as they said “nothing,” in unison.

Zuko only narrowed his eyes further.

Chapter Text

Vigil

Definition: A period of keeping awake during the time usually spent asleep, especially to keep watch or pray.

The letter that comes in the mail from the South surprises his father. The Chief, Southern Ambassador and their two children had just finished visiting the Fire Nation a few months previously. The two father’s never spoke unless the bi-annual meetings were about to take place, and even then the meetings were quick with minimal discussion but Zuko had accepted that not a lot of people were eager to speak to his father. Zuko knew that his father wasn’t exactly a social person, so speaking to the Fire Lord without an official, riding on desperate need to, was out of the norm.

He thought it was even stranger to be called in along with his sister to his father’s office. They were never allowed inside, even for Azula it had been years.

His stomach felt like a weighted boulder as he watched the man sit behind the massive stainless steel and glass desk, his expression bored as he put down the paper with a broken Water Tribe seal.

His father cleared his throat before speaking in a dull tone, “The Ambassador from the Southern Water Tribe has passed. Have the servants help you pack enough warm clothes to last you a week. We leave after dinner.” The Fire Nation siblings didn’t wait for the command to be dismissed and quickly left the office.

Zuko couldn’t clear the confusion and shock from his mind as he moved mechanically down the hall. He could barely hear Azula try to get his attention before she had giving up altogether which was fine with him, he wasn’t in the mood for her teasing and quips. It had just been a few months since he last saw the family, and no one had appeared to be sick in the least which only left one other option. Sokka had always been telling him about the vicious animals around their village and the likelihood of suffering a violent end from those animals. Zuko swallowed dryly as images of blood and wild beasts described by Sokka’s imagination tore through his brain, he quickened his pace towards his rooms, hoping his automatic gut feeling was wrong.

A sharp tug on his sweatshirt brought him out of his brutal rumination. He stopped just outside of his bedroom door.

“Dumb Dumb.” Zuko looked to his sister, a lightening flash of worry made its way through her eyes before it was gone, not even leaving a trace. “Are you okay? It’s not like she was our mom.” Zuko growled.

“Azula, how could you say that?! Ambassador Kya practically treated us like her own children!”

“It’s true though!” She crossed her arms and narrowed her brow. “Don’t let Dad see you like this. You’ll get into trouble.” He glared at his doorknob.

“I know…you don’t have to remind me…”

“I’m just looking out for you, you big Dummy.” Zuko clenched his teeth as he threw the door open, putting his headphones over his ears as he walked away from Azula. His mind was in a blaze the rest of the evening. He didn’t even remember eating dinner or getting on the plane. Just vaguely being irritated as Azula pushed him towards their seats in the back.

The bellowing voice of his uncle could be heard somewhere towards the front followed by short irritated spurts from his father. It wasn’t until hearing his uncle’s voice that Zuko finally took note of his surroundings. At some point Azula must have pulled out their clunky silver DVD player, popped in a movie and placed the headphones over his ears before falling asleep under their shared blanket. He fiddled with the embroidery as he looked through the window. They must have been flying for a while, passing through thick clouds since even the lights at the ends of the wings were obscured and blurred.

A blue signal light flashed. His fist clenched around the blanket at the thought of the Water Tribe Siblings. A glimmer of blue eyes like the summer ocean wisped through his thoughts. He felt his chest tighten at the thought of another victim with eyes matching the Ambassador’s. The lingering dread wafted through his veins like old smoke.

The weight of his sister’s head on his shoulder the only thing that made him feel grounded.

This would be the second time Zuko and Azula had traveled down to the Southern Water Tribe. Even under all of his layers of clothing and raising his body temp a few degrees, Zuko didn’t ever remember the South being so cold. A shiver went through his spine as he followed his family through the sea of white clothing. He couldn’t help but think Ambassador Kya’s death had caused even the land to mourn and freeze itself in its grief.

The house was just as he remembered. Azula had walked off on her own as soon as the siblings entered the house, it was only a short period of time before he found Sokka.

“Hey! You finally get tired enough of all that Fire Nation heat you come to settle on for little ice cube?”

Even though he looked he had been crying for a week, Sokka was still trying to crack jokes. Zuko glared from under his hoodie. He was one of the few still wearing a thick winter jacket inside the home, Zuko tried to ignore the obvious taunt. He searched again for a familiar pair of blue eyes and came up short.

“Where is she?” Sokka’s gaze saddened.

“She won’t come out of her room. Dad and I can’t get her to come out.” Zuko patted his shoulder.

“I’ll go find her and make sure she’s okay.”

Sokka gave a weak smile before turning back to the crowded living room to talk again with a short girl in green robes who seemed to only look towards the icy floor.

Zuko followed the ice covered staircase to the next floor. It had only taken a few knocks and a hard shove of the door to realize Katara hadn’t been in her room in the first place. He had almost run out of rooms to look in to before figuring to check the Chief’s room as a last resort. The odd thickened layer frost covering the bottom of the double wooden doors served as his only clue. A quick glance down the hall and he slipped inside. Furs of different animals lay in a jumble towards one end of the room, various weapons hung along the wooden beams that lay imbedded in the ice walls. A drop of sweat started to form at his brow. Zuko prayed to Agni Katara was in this room, otherwise trying to explain to the Chief what he was doing in the Chief’s personal bedroom would be awkward as well as terrifying.

He let out a small breath of relief when a small sniffle came from under the closet door. With tentative steps he made his way over and knocked on the wooden door, a muffled ‘go away’ sounded through the frozen door frame.

“It’s Zuko,” he opened the door slowly, “can I come in?”

In the middle of the closet, Katara sat, eyes red and puffy from crying and a blue silk scarf wrapped around her head and neck. She covered her face as soon as he stepped inside and closed the door, flipping the light switch on.

“I don’t want you to see me like this! P-please go away!” He didn’t say anything as he sat down beside her. “You shouldn’t see me like this, I-I don’t want to be near anyone right now.” A sad sniff came out from under the scarf. “I j-just need a few minutes to collect myself. Please…just go away.”

“What if I stay?”

“I don’t want you here!”

“And if you don’t get a choice?”

“Zuko this isn’t funny! I just want to be left alone!” Katara had finally peeked through the layers of the scarf, her watery glare waging an internal battle inside him.

Zuko ignored her protests as he sat silently next to her. He thought to himself what his Uncle Iroh would do, and carefully placed his left arm around her shaking frame. His heart beat even faster when Katara leaned into him and cried harder. He had no clue if what he did was making it better or worse. A long buried memory of his mother running her fingers over his head floated towards the forefront of his mind. He hesitated slightly as he raised his right hand and slowly ran his pale fingers through the tangles.

He felt her shift against him and sigh.

“Mom used to protect me from all the bad things.” Her voice from under the scarf sounded raw. “She would kiss my cuts and make them better. She’ll never be able to do that again. She’s gone and now no one is going to come save me. What if I forget what she looks like? I already forgot what she smelled like! What if I wake up one day and forget she ever existed!” Katara sobbed harder into his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his torso. “It was always mom and me, and now it’s just me. I’m all alone now.”

“That’ll never happen.” Puffy blue eyes peaked out from under the scarf. “That’ll never happen because I’ll be here to protect you and make you feel better.” Zuko kept his eyes on the floor in front of him as he spoke, his fingers still making their way through her brown waves. “Plus your mom hasn’t ever left you, so don’t say that. She’ll always be protecting you and watching out for you from the spirit world. I know for a fact that your mom wouldn’t ever leave you all alone...it’s not what mother’s do.”

The small nod against his shoulder and the overall softening of sobs told him all he needed. Katara didn’t move as she continued to hold him against her, sniffling and wiping her eyes every now and again. Zuko didn’t know how much time had passed before he heard her breathing start to slow and the occasional whimpers and tapered off. He stayed in the closet with her for who knows how long, petting her hair whenever a small sniffle or whimper came out from under the scarf.

It wasn’t until he caught the familiar smell of the Ambassador before he felt a lump starting to form in his throat. The wooden grains in the floor started to blur. He checked to make sure Katara was completely asleep before speaking up again.

“It’s gonna suck so much, but you’ll get over it.” His voice was a little more raspy than he wanted. He brushed his fingers again through the tangles to gather more confidence. “You can’t live your life in the darkness just because someone else’s light is gone. You have to learn how to generate your own light so you can give it to someone else. You have to even if it’s hard.” Zuko swallowed stubborn lump in his throat. He wracked his brain for the words his uncle had spoken to him on that day.

Heat filled behind his eyes as he took another deep breath. “You’ll never get over the pain but it gets better…I promise. I’ll be here for you every time you’ll need someone to be there. You aren’t alone Katara, so don’t choose to be. Your mom may not be alive in this world but that doesn't mean she stopped loving you. I made a promise to your mom to protect you and that’s what I’m going to do so please…don’t say you’re alone.”

His vision had blurred over completely. “But it’s still going to hurt.” Zuko pulled Katara in a fraction closer, burying his nose in her hair.

He heard more than felt the tear drop hit the floor.

“I know cause…I miss my mom too.”

Chapter Text

Clandestine

Definition: To keep secret or done secretively; illicit

Zuko stared out from the balcony that overlooked his mother’s garden. Just before her death his mother had planted various cherry blossom trees and over the years they bloomed and withered, growing to such a height that even Zuko had to reach high in order to grab one of the lower branches. With the summer fast approaching the blossoms were just starting to fall, the crisp green lawn and moss covered stones now covered with a rosy hue.

It had been a few years since the sudden death of Katara’s mother and twice a year like clock work, their father’s continued to meet to discuss politics and trade. With the meetings were starting to become more and more strained between Katara’s father and his, his Uncle had decided to take over negotiations between the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation. Needless to say, the negotiations had been going smoothly since then.

Zuko felt his heart jump and plummet, his palms tingling with the beginning traces of sweat. Today was the day that Katara and her family would step off the plane and into the Fire Nation. His heart beat madly at the idea of her just being closer, within the same country borders, within the same time zone. Since the time Zuko made his promise to her all those years ago in her mother’s closet, the two had been inseparable. He no longer measured the years by their seasons or recounting the years by who had died, but by when he would see Katara next. She and her brother and quickly become his closest friends, he would even go so far as to say that he missed hanging out with the Water Tribe siblings. Even with the IMs and constant video chats, it just wasn't the same.

And it’s not like talking on the phone was an option, Zuko winced at the memory.

Sokka had called up one afternoon to talk about his girlfriend troubles which he blamed was causing bad karma for his hunting. Zuko had called him out on it and they had ended up arguing for a few hours on the phone about manly pride. Since it was considered an international phone call, the phone bill that month had tripled. While he knew full well that his father was beyond terrifying when angered, he still swears Hakoda was just as terrifying if not worse. Zuko still felt traces of the fear that surged through his system when the Chieftain steamrolled over his soul and pride, only later to suffer a similar punishment from his father. To this day he barely speaks on the phone.

Azula still pokes fun over him getting in trouble “over a boy.” It had taken a week for Katara to even stop being mad at him. Her response always; “well why don’t you talk to Sokka about it? You like him better anyways!”

It had cost him more pride than he’d care to admit to get her to forgive him. He's certain Sokka had gone through a similar experience since neither had any desire to talk about it, a silent mutual understanding to never bring the topic up.

He watched as another blossom fell, landing upside down in the small pond. A distinct pattern of light footsteps echoed off the wall, he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt further over his face.

“Hey Dumb Dumb! You’re not going to greet your future in-laws wearing jeans and rags are you?” Leave it to his sister to have the power to appear where she was least wanted.

“Drop it Azula. They’re not showing up for a few hours anyways.”

“What…grumpy that your girlfriend isn’t here already?” Zuko gave her a glare in response. “Whatever, can’t believe you’re being so mushy all for a girl. But just a friendly reminder to be there early, Father is already in a bad mood, don't make it worse like you always do.” Zuko turned to walk away.

“Just shut up.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He heard her sigh in annoyance before he replaced his left headphone that had been dangling over his shoulder and pressed the play button on his iPod as he walked down the stairs to his mother’s garden, finally able to block everything and everyone out.

The moss covered stones lined the way to his favorite hiding spot. It was under the cover of one of the larger trees, it’s long branches blocking the view of anyone standing at the entrance to the garden.

His family had refused to step foot in the garden after his mother’s death, outside the occasional servant or maid passing by, no one had ever dared to venture into the garden.

He felt the relaxation finally hit as he sat down at the base of the tree, one of his mother’s favorite songs playing through the tiny speakers, the sounds of a violin and guitar singing in harmony. A contented sigh left him as he watched the blossoms slowly fall one my one.

Lazy sunlight snuck through the leaves of the massive willow tree giving him a warm familiar energy, he took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, watching the flames lick lamely at the air. He hadn’t felt so relaxed in a long while. The violin’s notes dipped lower. Zuko let out another sigh and leaned his head back against the bark, his eyes closing against the sunlight. He had plenty of time before he needed to change.

It hadn’t dawned on him that he might have fallen asleep until he was jolted awake by the sensation of someone kicking his foot.

He looked up, ready to growl at Azula when he met blue eyes instead of gold. He could have sworn there was something flopping about, like a fish out of water she would say, somewhere in the center of his chest. He swallowed dryly and felt his eyes wide widen just a hair. How long had he been out?

Katara stood in front of him, the familiar smile on her face telling him that whatever it was he was doing was apparently entertaining her. He saw her mouth a few words and yanked out the headphones.

“What?” He felt breathless.

“I said ‘hey stranger.’” The warm light of the setting sun behind her had given her beauty an unworldly glow.

Zuko stood up quickly, he tried to look elsewhere when he felt his cheeks start to heat up. He only ended up staring at the ground as he brushed the dirt off his jeans and sweatshirt. “Sorry I wasn’t there to greet you. Umm−”

“You gonna give me a proper greeting? Or do I have to do that part too?” He didn’t have to be told twice.

Zuko couldn't hide his smirk as his arms encircled her waist and lifted her into the air. Katara let out a gasp as she held onto his shoulders, letting out a laugh. As her feet finally touched the ground, he felt a familiar sensation brush against his lips. Small smooth hands ghosted over the edges of his jaw, his skin a blaze making him melt and lean further into her touch. Her laughter not stopping when he finally let her free, his arms loose around her waist as he buried his nose into the junction of her neck and collarbone.

“Missed you.” His voice a little more gruff than he intended, he felt a cool warmth of her lips against his cheek. He moved to give her another kiss but looked at her in confusion as she swatted him on his shoulder.

“Stop it!” Her serious look quickly shattered into another laugh, “you’re making me smile. I can’t kiss you when I’m this happy!” Zuko couldn’t stop the snort from escaping.

“I’m . . . sorry?” He said half confused, half sarcastic. He leaned down to kiss her again but Katara had already started pushing away.

“But seriously Zuko stop, if someone sees us we’re going to be in big trouble! My dad’s gonna freak when he finds out I was alone with you!” Zuko ignored her protests as he followed her jugular with his lips.

“They don’t have to find out.” Katara smacked his arm again.

“Zuko…” she had more warning in her voice than before. “We need to head back before someone comes looking for us.” He continued on the other side of her neck, the giggles she let out sounded like forbidden music to his ears, sweet and enchanting like the violin. “Zuko! Okay then…before someone comes looking for us and our hiding spot is ruined.”

Well that got his attention, he let go of her with a growl before stalking off towards the garden’s entrance, but not before giving her hand one last squeeze and a parting peck on soft pink lips.

Zuko continued his way out of the garden, it wasn’t until he turned the hallway corner did he bump into his Uncle who seemed to be standing with a cup of tea and looking at one of the paintings hanging along the wall.

“Uncle…what are you up to?” Zuko asked, he couldn’t help the annoyance from slipping through.

“Is it so wrong for an old man to enjoy the artwork in his brother’s house every now and again?” He tried suppress the instinct to roll his eyes only to let out an annoyed sigh.

“It is when you’ve been caught snooping.” His uncle at least at the decency to pretend to look offended.

“Prince Zuko, I would never do such a thing!” Zuko rolled his eyes and stared at his sneakers. “But the cherry blossoms are quite beautiful this evening, are they not? I simply could not help myself from enjoying just a beautiful view.” Zuko looked over to his uncle to see his gaze following something in the garden, he glanced over the balcony ledge that overlooked the garden. Katara was walking around the garden, picking up the fallen cherry blossoms every now and again until she had a full bouquet. He watched her use one of her hair ribbons to tie it all together before walking off towards the southern end of the garden where his mother’s memorial stone lay.

“Yeah, I guess they are.” A few moments had passed before Zuko let out a growl, “Uncle get that smirk off your face before I toss your tea over this balcony.” He wished he had looked over fast enough to see his uncle choke mid-sip on the damned tea. He couldn’t hide the satisfaction from showing in his smirk at his uncle’s disgruntled look. He turned back towards Katara, she had made it to the stone by now, the bouquet resting at the base of the marbled rose and white colored stone. He watched her flip her hair out of her face, seeming very animated about whatever it was she was talking about.

The feeling of his Uncle’s palm patting his shoulder had him turning to the old man. He caught the remnants of a smile before his uncle turned and walked away, heading towards the main part of the house. Zuko gave one last look towards the garden before turning and following after his uncle, giving his mother and Katara a chance to catch up in privacy.

Chapter Text

RUE

Definition: bitter regret (something one has done or allowed to let happen)

Zuko laid on his leather couch and glared daggers at the anchorman on the television. With his perfect hair and his perfect suit, along with his perfect face. He took another swig of his beer. He refused to think about the last half hour that transpired in the apartment but his hazy mind kept going back to the memories.

“Zuko…I have something to tell you.” Katara looked up at him nervously from a golden and green envelope she had gotten in the mail. “Promise not to be mad?” Zuko looked at her from his spot at the sink and raised his eyebrow.

“Why don’t you just tell me and I’ll decide later…” He went back to washing the dishes.

“Well…” she thumbed the edge of the letter nervously. “I got into a med school.”

“That great! Congrats honey…now why would I be mad?” He hung up another cleaned dish on the rack and turned to face her fully.

“Because I would be starting this fall which is a few months away…and the school is…umm…”

“What? Where’s the school…?”

“A...uhh few hundred thousand miles away…it’s University of Ba Sing Se.” Katara was really looking at him nervously.

“…Oh…” He turned back towards the sink. “Well like I said, congratulations. We’ve done the whole long distance thing before. I mean, it’s only going to be a few years right?”

“Seven…actually.”

“Well then,” he paused and slapped the dish towel over the faucet. “I don’t know what you want me to say here. I mean…I know we’ve been fighting a lot recently but I didn’t think”

“Zuko that’s not it at all”

“Then what am I supposed to say huh?! Agni, Katara! I know we’ve had our differences and I know I’m not exactly the easiest person to deal with right now, but am I so horrible that…that you have to move cross-continental?!”

“That’s not even it at all Zuko!”

“Then what is it?! What have I done that has made you decide to move hundreds of THOUSANDS of miles away?!”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me!? I just got into the best medical school in the WORLD and all you do is fight with me?!”

“What was I supposed to say? I’m happy for you Katara, I honest to Agni am. But either you have the best or the worst timing right now.”

“It’s not like I planned this! I sent in my application a few months ago, on a whim because Toph dared me to and I honestly didn’t think I’d get in! But I did, and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I doubt I’d be able to get in again if I tried. They only accept 9% of their applications. Do you know how incredibly hard it is to get into their program? I’ve been working on my resume and portfolio for years so that I might have a chance.”

“Then what’s really holding you back?” He didn't think the silence would sting so badly. Zuko lowered his voice to steady it. “It’s me isn’t it?”

“Zuko”

“Just go already.”

“Zuko listen!”

“No! If you want to go so badly then fine! I won’t hold you back! You can just join in the fun with the rest of my family and just love me from a distance then!” If he had just stopped and looked at Katara he probably would have saved himself. “It wasn’t ENOUGH that Azula got sent to an asylum for mentally ill prisoners. It wasn’t ENOUGH that it turned out my father had been the one to murder my mother and rearrange my face with firebending. NO! Now my girlfriend can’t even look me in the eye anymore without seeing a monster and has to leave to the other side of the planet to get away from me!” He turned to glare at Katara, about to finish his ranting, but when he saw her, his blood ran cold.

She stood, staring at him, in horror. Tears had already overflown and had cascaded down her cheeks. Zuko had never felt so worthless in his life.

“Ka-”

“Don’t,” she held up her hands between them as if she could somehow stop time and just end whatever part they were in. “Don’t talk to me right now.”

And she left.

It had taken all of Zuko’s might to not throw his bottle at the anchorman. He was glad that he didn’t. Katara would be pissed off even more when she came home and there was shattered glass on the floor. Plus it would be a pain in the ass to get glass out of carpet.

The alcohol from the beers was starting to fuzz the edges of his vision in his right eye. He was basically blind in his left so it didn’t matter what he couldn’t see on that side really.

The bright lights from the television caught his eye, and more perfectly perfect people seemed to walk out onto a red carpet. Must be the Oscars or some shit. He sneered and released a short flaming breath into the air before turning away from the TV and walked over to their tiny kitchen. He purposefully ignored the way he almost lost his balance as he stubbed his foot against one of the kitchen chairs. The alcohol at least was numbing one of his problems.

He was definitely a sorry right. Katara would be so pissed if she saw him.

If she ever came to see him.

If she ever came back. Worry welled like a heavy stone in his gut.

She’s never coming back.

“AAGH!” The sudden pain of his fist hitting against the tile counter seemed to clear his muddled brain. He popped off another bottle cap with his fist, ignoring the pain that blossomed in his hand. The clinking startled him when the refrigerator door shut behind him. He turned and was immediately met with photos of happy people. His eyes glossed over the familiar faces.

Katara and Sokka in the park on her birthday. It was sunny and she had dumped her snow cone down the back of his shirt. He had taken the photo the instant she released the shaved ice onto its victim.

Another photo caught his eye, this one had been taken on a few years ago. It was a photo of the two of them kissing in his mother’s garden during the cherry blossom season. It had been taken right before the fire incident that had killed just about every living thing in it. Nothing had been able to grow back normally in the garden since then, after a few years, Zuko had stopped visiting his mother's stone. It felt like a physical metaphor every time he walked into the blackened garden. He fervently gulped at his beer, hoping to wash out some of the bitter taste in his mouth.

His eyes dropped to the photo below it. This one had been taken by Sokka’s phone but apparently Katara had loved it enough to get a printed copy and hang it up all the same. He and Katara had been hanging inside that day to get away from the constant downpour of rain. He had been focused on whatever video game he’d been playing while Katara lay half horizontal-half upside down on the couch next to him with a book in her lap. His arm resting on her chest just under her chin while her head lay in his lap, the tip of his tongue just barely peeking out from his lips in concentration.

Zuko felt his heart plummet at the memory.

She deserved so much better, Katara didn’t need some crippled shell of a man. She needed someone who didn’t have his father’s anger written in scars across his face. Zuko looked up at a photo of Katara, smiling brilliantly into the camera. She was always smiling. He stopped smiling a long time ago. Maybe it was better this way.

He couldn’t help but tap on the photo, right where her chin was. Only this time he didn’t get the laugh she always made afterwards.

Zuko ignored the feeling in his chest as he turned and made his way back to the couch. He tried to rearrange the beer bottles but gave up. Katara would know he’d been drinking even if he destroyed all the evidence, said she could sense it in his blood or some shit. He changed the station until he saw explosions and less romance. He could only grimace when he saw the lead male kiss the dying woman on a beach, he changed the channel immediately and ended up on TierraMundo. They were speaking the weird Earth Kingdom language he’d always neglected to learn and the couple were yelling angrily at each other before kissing again.

Zuko growled and turned off the damn thing.

He couldn’t tell when he had finally managed to fall asleep, he only knew it happened when he woke up from the sounds of the front door closing.

He was trying to be as alert as he possibly could. Even with the headache from a vengeful spirit and feeling that he was quite possibly (but more along the lines of quite positively)…still drunk. He grabbed the tv remote, holding it like a baseball bat and stepped slowly towards the front hallway. The world seemed to jerk towards the right and he leaned against the wall. The intruder’s footsteps got closer.

He wasn’t going to let some intruder rob him of anything!

He wasn’t going to die the same way his cousin did. He wasn’t going to go easy! Hell, he wanted a fight! Zuko raised the remote higher. They were just around the corner now. They must have stopped and seemed to get getting something out of a plastic bag.

It’s now or never! They’re guard’s down.

The footsteps were walking closer to the corner where he crouched.

Now! He jumped into the hallway light and yelled at the top of his lungs.

“DON’T COME ANY CLOSER!”

“AAAH!!” A high pitched scream and a loud crash made his bones jump out of his skin. He couldn’t help but let out a surprised yell too.

“AAAGHH!”

“Zuko?! What the HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Katara stood in front of him, all five foot-four inches of pure Water Tribe furry.

“You came back?”

“Of course I came back! I went grocery shopping.” She emphasized each word by pointing at the ground, an explosion of fruit and vegetables and other weird items he had trouble seeing littered the floor.

“Oh…”

“And this isn’t Braveheart! Give me this!” He instantly felt his shield/tv remote leave his grip. “What are you oh my gods…are you bleeding? Baby give me your hand…please?” In the haze he finally realized he should probably look up at her. She stood uneasily in front of him, like he was going to spook and disappear if she spoke too fast or too loudly.

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t give me that bull.” She let out a small huff. He knew she would just turn around and walk out that door at any second. The feeling of fingertips underneath his chin caused him to finally look her in the eye. “Just…come with me to the sink so I can fix your hand okay?” He couldn't trust himself to speak, so he only nodded and followed obediently, he felt shame bloom in his throat as he weaved unsteadily behind her.

It wasn’t until he felt the sting from the faucet against the edge of his palm that he realized his hand had actually been bleeding. Huh…

He was still trying to wrap his brain about what had happened the last few hours he was awake but couldn’t honestly remember for the life of him. He could sense her waterbending and healing his palm, the calming blue light bright even behind his eyelids. It wasn’t until the light dimmed and the water dripped down his arm to his elbow did Zuko finally decide to open his eyes.

He was immediately met with the blue of the ocean.

“Zuko, I need you to be honest with me.” She held his hands against her chest in the way he knew she only wanted the truth from him. “How much have you drank tonight?” Zuko tried not to grimace at the question, but by the increased worry on her face he knew she had already seen it.

“Honestly?” Damn, he couldn’t even pronounce his words clearly.

“Mhmm”

“I don’t remember…I’m still a little drunk. So probably more than normal.” He squinted his eyes at the photos on the fridge, an odd memory of frustration came to mind. “Well since we’re bein’ honest…let me ask you something.” Katara tilted her head in confused apprehension and nodded. “Why di-did you come back…here…why do you come here?”

“Because I live here…?”

“No…why do you come back? To me?” He grabbed her face and tilted their foreheads together. “Katara I’m a mess…and I look like a monster. And you? You’re so beautiful and happy. You need to be with happy people Katara. I can’t make you happy when I’m like this.” The sensation of her hands pulling at his made him look up at her. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her glassy eyes.

He could never make her happy if he always makes her cry.

“Zuko…”

“Please”

“No, just stop it. You always do this! Is it so wrong that I want to be with you because you are the one that makes me the happiest?” He stayed silent as he watched her wipe a tear away. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was applying to med school, I honestly…honestly…didn’t think I was going to get into UBSS much less get into the track for this year and have to move cross continental by next month.” She scoffed and tried to look away from his face, but he trapped her chin between his fingers and wiped away her tears with his thumb.

“I’m sorry.” His voice sounded as broken as he felt. “I’m sorry I said those things. I really should learn to keep my mouth shut.” Another tear fell.

Well shit.

“Zuko, I’m sorry too. I should have told you I was applying there. I didn’t think anything would happen since it’s my dream school and I didn’t think I’d ever get in.” She let out a watery scoff. “And trust me, Toph has told me just how large of a dick move I just pulled on you. I’m so sorry Zuko.” He wiped away another tear.

“It’s just…how am I supposed to protect you if I can’t be with you?” Katara gave him a watery smile.

“I’m supposed to protect you too, ya know?” Her smile faltered. “But I couldn't protect you from your father and heal you back to normal because I wasn’t strong enough. And now I watch you suffer every day with that mark because I wasn’t strong enough to heal you. And I figured if I went to the best school that I would find a way to make you happy again.”

Zuko squeezed her hands that were still pressed against her chest before placing a firm kiss to her forehead for a second then wrapping his arms around her.

“But I am happy Katara. And there has never been one second that I have blamed your or hated you. I’ve had this scar for almost a year now and I know it’s already too late for even a grand master to do anything. You gave me my sight back in that eye, that’s a miracle enough. I’m sorry if I’ve been miserable to be around and if I’ve made you unhappy. That's the one thing I don’t want.”

“I’m sorry too.” Katara sniffed against his chest and held him closer. “Come on…let’s watch some TV. Besides I need to take another look at your hand.”

A few painful steps later and Zuko had flopped onto their couch, making sure to take up the entire space. Zuko couldn't remember what must have happened, but his toes felt stiff and painful with every step. He eyed a half empty beer bottle on the coffee table, his hand had only just made contact with the cool glass before the bottle had disappeared entirely.

“Oh no you don’t. You’re on a strict water-only diet right now.” Zuko groaned when the plastic glass hit the table where the bottle had been.

“But there was more than half left…that’s such a waste!”

“Preaching to the choir babe. Hand me the remote.”

“You stole it from me remember?” Katara rolled her eyes and walked the few steps to their entry hallway. Zuko looked up from his water bottle when he saw Katara stand next to the couch with an expression of pure confusion.

“TierraMundo? Really? You don’t even speak the language.”

“...What?” He tried to sound as innocent as possible.

“I swear every time you drink you end up either watching TierraMundo or stubbing your toe so badly you have a limp.”

Zuko choked on his water.