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Chapter Text

Dean's POV 

Everything is so different since I had to retire from hunting. If someone called me old and useless only ten years back, I would have kicked their ass to prove them wrong. Now I wouldn't argue with them, because they would be right to say such things. Sammy must feel the same about me, otherwise, he would visit my apartment more often. Sometimes I wonder If we're still brothers... Hell, the only thing that never changes is booze. And I'm gonna drink a lot of that today as right the fuck now, I feel like a narrator of a crappy story. There's nothing better than to get drunk. 

There are things about hunting that I don't miss at all. Like being constantly thrown against walls, gutted by a monster, having to stitch me afterwards, broken ribs, concussions and so on. Of course, it wasn't all just about injuries making it painful to get out of bed every second day (who was I to ever complain about that anyways when now my back hurts every day, bones feeling too heavy to carry), but also about saving lives. It was my purpose. 

I looked around and saw all the empty bottles displayed around me on the table. It looks as if I robbed a liquor store. To be frank, there wasn't much left on the shelf after I made my purchase. Maybe my new purpose is to drink all the liquor to save other people from getting drunk and unhappy. I chuckled at that thought and poured myself another shot. 

As the laugh died out, I felt stupid. Even now when I'm the one in need of help I care about other people's well-being. There was no one to pull me out of feeling like I did no longer matter to the world, that there was no one who would need me or my care. If only there was something to fill the emptiness inside of me, eating at my insides. Nothing worked so far so I probably need a miracle - that never happens to people like me. Naive and foolish as I was, I waited a bit in case it was my lucky day. No one came. 

Well, I should head to bed before those thoughts will make me do something I could regret in the future. I stood up and stumbled, knocking over some of the bottles. Wow, I didn't use to get this unsteady when I was young. With the support of furniture around me, I got into the bedroom and flopped down onto the bed. My eyelids were suddenly heavy. It was probably caused by the alcohol that I mumbled into the stall air of my room: "Can anyone help me, please? Anyone..." 

I jerked out of my sleep when I heard an unusual noise and noticed that it was suddenly light in my room. My hand reached down under my pillow to retreat the emergency gun. Before I could point it at the intruder, he took the gun away from me. That son of a bitch took it! My reflexes aren't what they used to be. In what I assumed was my last minute in the world of the living, I decided to take a close look at the fucker who was gonna end me. A young man with messy dark hair dressed in a suit and a trench coat stares back at me with a blank expression. 

"Are you some kind of a wannabe Norman Bates?" I growled at him before letting my head fall back onto the pillow. Not that it was any important, but the guy was handsome. I must be so wasted when I have these thoughts with a man. He tilted his head to the side like a kitten and squinted his eyes at me. His face was a literate depiction of confusion. 

"My name isn't Norman... I'm Castiel, an angel of the Lord. I heard your prayer," he said in a surprisingly deep voice that sent shivers down my spine. 

An angel. That explains it all. "No, no, no," I said as I rubbed at my tired eyes. "I don't pray. Especially not to you flying dicks." 

He just seemed more confused. "You asked anyone for help so I-" 

"So you can shove it up your ass!" He didn't even flinch when I snapped at him. 

"Dean, just hear out my offer, please." Are those puppy eyes? The bastard knows he's cute and knows how to use it to his advantage. I wasn't sure what was this angel's problem. I haven't encountered many of those, but a few of them were idiots. I waved at him to go on. "I know how to fill the emptiness you said you feel." That's what it is. 

I laughed again. "If I were you, I would be satisfied with the 'vessel' you're currently wearing," I said honestly, trying not to think of the poor guy suffering inside just because he was tricked into saying 'yes' to this Castiel. He searched my face before shaking his head. 

"That's not what I meant. I chose you to carry my fledging, and it's up to you if you will accept or not." I stared at him in surprise. Did he mean like- He wants to literary fill me? That's not possible. Why would someone want that? Before I could tell him off, he continued: "There's a big crisis in Heaven. It is lacking angels. That's why archangel Michael, who has taken over the rule after God left, used an ancient spell on us all so we could impregnate suitable humans, strong enough to hold angelic offspring." 

I huffed out another humorless chuckle. "I'm supposed to be the 'suitable human'? Me?" 

"You're heavily underestimating yourself. In Heaven, no one calls you other than 'the righteous man'. Things you've achieved in your life- I was fascinated by all the stories I heard about you. There's no one else I would trust with carrying my child." 

"But I'm a guy!" 

"Gender does not matter." He looked dead serious. My head was throbbing. 

"Ugh!" I groaned. "I can't make such an important decision when I'm drunk. Come again tomorrow." He approached me and before I could fight him, he put his two fingers on my forehead. Within seconds, I felt completely sober. "Hey! What did you do?! Give it back!" 

"Dean-" 

"Stop saying my name as if we were pals." 

"You asked for a purpose and I know no greater purpose than to help create a brand new life which isn't corrupted by the cruelty of the world. To help create a new generation of strong angels." I would lie if I said that his words didn't interest me. On one hand, I couldn't imagine myself being pregnant with a child. On the other hand, I wanted to give it a shot. I never had my own child, a Men of Letter's legacy, even if it was an angel, it would feel like an accomplishment. 

He awaited my answer. I swallowed down the bile that rose in my throat. "How would it work exactly?" I asked, my voice suddenly small. For a second, I thought I saw the angel smile. "You said the baby, or whatever you call it, will be an angel. But all that can come up from a human having sex with an angel is a Nephilim, right? So what's with that?" 

"To avoid the offspring becoming a Nephilim, an angel has to create a special environment for the fledging inside a human's body. We gained that ability thanks to the spell I mentioned. Then store in the angelic womb some of my breeding grace to impregnate the human - this way it shouldn't mix with the human's soul," he said matter-of-factly. This was crazy. This was beyond crazy! 

"What would people around me say? It's not usual for a man to be... pregnant, y'know?" Well, thinking about it, there must be other humans that went through this. How come I never noticed? 

"I could make it invisible to other humans, but angels will still be able to see it, me included. You should get your place warded and always carry an angel blade with you. I can leave mine here." With that, a long silver dagger came out of his sleeve and put it on a nightstand. That's not smart. If I were someone else, I would surely take the chance to kill him. He seemed to be aware of me not giving a damn about his sharpened stick. 

"Of course..." I said while being deeply in my thoughts. What would Sammy do? He would tell me I was stupid for even considering accepting such a silly thing. I... I can do this. It is not like I have something to lose. 

I looked up. All Castiel did while I thought was stare silently at me. His blue eyes were so intimidating - cold and a bit scary. 

"O-okay. What am I supposed to do? Do we get naked and have a good time?" At least something at this whole ordeal would be enjoyable, but the blush on Castiel's face hinted that satisfying my needs like that wasn't on the list. 

He cleared his throat. "That's not necessary. Make yourself comfortable and I will do everything that's needed to be done." I nodded and laid back down on my bed. This can be the one last good thing I will do in my life. Castiel is right. This is a big chance even if it's for the feathered douches. I wanted to pull the duvet over me, but the angel's hand stopped me. I was shaking all over, but not from the cold. It was a strange mixture of excitement and fear. 

Castiel sat down next to me on the edge of a bed while one of his hands traveled under my t-shirt, pulling it up. He frowned at the pudge of my belly that was no longer hidden under the fabric. I felt embarrassed and I blushed. 

"Don't judge me... Everybody gets old and ugly eventually," I muttered to defend myself. Strangely enough, his icy expression melted a bit as his hand stroked my stomach gently. I had to turn my head to the side so he wouldn't see that I was enjoying his gentle rubs feeling every curve as if they weren't disgusting at all. 

However, soon I had to turn back as his eyes started shining and I could watch his bright blue grace travelling down his arm and being absorbed by my belly. At first, I noticed no changes at all. Then I felt it filling me. And I mean literally. I started to feel full and heavy as if I just ate the whole turkey on Thanksgiving. I expected myself to be horrified, but no. A loud moan escaped me, causing more shame to color my cheeks. Castiel didn't seem to acknowledge it as he was too focused on the impregnation. It took half a minute before I began to notice some differences with my bare eye. My stomach was sticking out more than it usually would. It was rounder too. Stretched out, but not painfully. If anything, it made me feel a big wave of pleasure. Despite this being so far from sex, it might be the best one I had in my whole life. 

When Castiel announced that he was done, I was a panting and groaning mess. It scared me a bit that the stomach remained red and swollen, but Cas (his whole name is too mouthful so screw that) assured me it was just temporary. The grace has to remain there before it creates the womb and the rest of it could hide inside and eventually form a baby. 

I tried to read Castiel's expression, but it wasn't easy as angels aren't supposed to express emotions. Although, there was something different about him. If I were to judge, Cas seemed moved by the sight of my bulging stomach. The way his hand roamed over my skin was giving him off. He felt something. Maybe even love. Was it even possible? 

I am not pregnant even for more than five minutes and I'm already emotional! 

"Are you okay?" I asked as he seemed a bit out of it. Maybe it wasn't the smartest move as it made him draw his hand away from my midsection. He walked towards my nightstand, his jaw set. Did I say something wrong? My touch-starved body craved more. I didn't move toward him even when I desperately wanted to do it- the heavy stomach wouldn't let me, anyway. 

"Yes," he said fast. Even the faintest sign of emotion vanished within a second. "I understand that you humans need privacy and I don't mean to interrupt yours. You can, of course, call me in case of an emergency. Whenever you pray to me, I promise to come." 

I nodded to show I understand. 

He switched my lamp off, then pulled the duvet over me. "You should sleep now," he whispered and with a flutter of wings, he disappeared, leaving me with a belly full of breeding grace and an urge to call into the darkness after him. 

*** 

Waking up fresh without a hangover after a full afternoon spent by shameless drinking was strange. I wouldn't admit it out loud, but I was glad that he made me sober up. Maybe he could do it again sometime? What kind of an agreement would he agree to? The angel blushed when I mentioned sex and I didn't even say it directly, it was more of a beating around the bush. Castiel must be a virgin. No doubt about that. 

Rays of the sun reached my eye, letting me know that I should wake up and be productive. I stretched myself. Something about it was wrong tho. Nothing was aching - a rather unusual thing when you're my age. Am I dead? That would be unlucky. I feel lighter too. Wait- My eyes widened as I fully realized all events of the past night. I kicked the duvet away, finding my stomach not only flat but covered in muscle too. What is happening? Next, I observed my arms. They looked so strong. Just like the old days, except there didn't seem to be any scars on my body. It made me so happy I jumped out of the bed and rushed to the bathroom. 

"Whoah!" I said amazed when I saw my reflection in the full-view mirror. "Sammy's gonna be so pissed that he has to work out hard every day to keep his body while I became a sex God overnight!" 

I gotta thank Cas for this! 

Cas... I rested my hand on my stomach. What if he wasn't successful and this is his form of apology? Why did that thought make me feel so down? Maybe because the baby meant hope, and I may have lost it. 

Unlike Sam, I never prayed, so I wasn't sure if kneeling with my palms put together was mandatory or not. Doing it would feel stupid. I'm just gonna close my eyes and talk to him, I guess. I cleared my throat. 'Castiel? If the uh angel I'm calling could appear I-' 

"Hello, D-" he stopped himself midsentence. I bet he's hesitating if he should call me by my name after I told him not to. You messed that up, Dean! "I'm here. Why did you call?" 

"You're fast," I smiled at him. His only response was his eyes squinting. I will have to find out what that means. "Well, firstly, I wanted to thank you for this." I waved my hand towards my regained athletic figure and youth. It means a lot to me, but I'm not entirely sure he knows how much I valued this kind gesture. However, that wasn't important. "Secondly... Did everything go well or is this compensation for the attempt being a failure?" 

"Your body was a gift for not stabbing me in the back, yesterday. There were opportunities, but you didn't use them," he said with n nod that was most likely supposed to assure himself rather than me. "I noticed you weren't satisfied with how you looked. And to your second question-" He moved closer towards me, shoving his hand under my t-shirt just like he did yesterday and palmed my stomach. A hint of a smile appeared on his face as he said: "Congratulations. You're expecting." 

If someone told me many years back that I will be happy hearing these words, I would laugh into their faces. Yet, here I was now, accepting it with my arms open wide. "That's amazing, Cas!" I couldn't help but hug the guy. He must have not expected it as he went stiff and I heard him drawing his blade out. I immediately let go. "Alright. Not a huggy bear. Noted." He cocked his head to the side. Wasn't that the most adorable thing I'd seen any guy do? "Nevermind. It's time to take this awesome body for a ride!" I smiled. Castiel's expression didn't match mine - he was frowning, disapproval in his eyes. "What?" 

"I gifted you with this body, and the first thing you want to use it on is to sleep with a woman?" he accused. I could hear the hurt in his voice even though he did his best to mask it. 

"I see I got that kind of a reputation in Heaven too, right? Just for your information, pal, I do want to take advantage of this body, but not for the reason you imagined," I smiled. 

"We're not 'pals'," he said, using air quotes. 

I sighed while taking on my old leather jacket. "I'm sorry I said that to you. I was angry and I shouldn't have said it, okay? I remember you said we didn't have to be seeing each other, but I would like to get to know you at least a bit more." 

"Why?" Does the word friendship mean anything to him? 

"Maybe because so far I was having fun with you around, and you're not even funny. Or because... it's your child, too, you know..." Why am I blushing?! My cheeks are heating up. The angel looked surprised, but also touched by the offer before he simply nodded. 

"Then I accept, Dean."

Chapter Text

Dean's POV 

"So this is the kind of pleasure you meant?" Castiel asked as he watched me eat the pie I ordered. I smiled at him with my cheeks stuffed full. After a while, I swallowed and spoke up: "You sure you don't want me to get you something? Told you I'm paying." 

"Angels don't eat. Everything tastes like molecules." I wouldn't want to live in a world without food! Especially without pie! While thinking about it, I took a big bite and tried to suppress the moan building up in my chest. I missed eating shamelessly and without guilt like this. I better not forget and take one burger with me for dinner.

"So," I said while chewing. "How long until I'm going to show? You said others won't see, right?" I had to make sure. What would Sam say if he knew?

"I keep my promises. They won't," he said, sounding offended. He continued in his rough voice: "Angel pregnancies are shorter than regular human pregnancies. It should only take six months. However, that doesn't mean you will be spared of the time you call a 'trimester'. You will still feel all the symptoms, but instead of the regular length, each trimester should last only 2 months." I almost choked on my food when I heard that.

"Symptoms?!" I was happy to hear that it was shorter but I wasn't stupid and knew that women have it rather difficult with all the back pain, morning sickness and swollen feet! It was hard for them to handle in nine months and I'm supposed to rush through it in only six? CoColorrained out of my face.

"Don't be scared, Dean," he said, making me look up at him. "I won't let anything happen to you. If any of the symptoms became unbearable for you, I can try to heal it or make the pain less intense." I felt better after he promised to help if I needed it. Although begging isn't usually Winchester style, I may make an exception if it gets really bad

"Thanks," I said. "I can't believe it! Six months and I'm gonna meet my daughter or son!" My pie was already eaten. What a shame. Time to take my burger! "Wait a bit, Cas. I'm gonna grab something really quick and then I'll be back." I went to the cashier and bought the richest and the finest of burgers to take with me. I was still using fake credit cards as I did in the old times. It was convenient and relatively safe as long as I switched it from time to time not to raise any suspicions. I wonder if the baby will make me crave weird stuff. Maybe it already started and the kiddo is a pie and burger eater! Although, that was very unlikely. It probably can taste only molecules. I laughed at the thought but I still better ask Cas to be sure. "Hey, Cas I-" I looked around. Our table was empty... At first, I thought he may have gone ahead so I rushed to the apartment only for my disappointment to deepen. That heartless bastard.

I wish I knew if I could fully trust him. Was it a mask he was wearing or was he no different from the other heavenly asses? I flopped myself on the couch 

If only he would reveal what was going on inside his head.

***

Castiel's POV

Every good person has his place in Heaven. Usually, it's a loop of their best memory with ghosts of their relatives or the ones they loved the most. Angels aren't usually allowed to create original Heavens unless there isn't a suitable memory to build it upon or they're called "little bro" by archangel Gabriel, who doesn't give a damn about rules. As lucky as I was both options sat well with me, and I didn't hesitate to use them to make a special place for one special girl. Her name was Wanda and she was an orphan who died of untreated ongoing whooping cough when she was seven. Never got to see life outside of the orphanage, and never experienced love. She was never allowed to feel beautiful as they kept on cutting her long red hair, knowing how she hated her forced boyish looks. 

There was no good in her memories, so instead, I used the memories she always wished to have. According to her rather sophisticated drawings, I built her acolorfull house full of teddy bears with a garden full of blue blooming flowers. It was perfect. I love to visit her there, watch her having fun on the swing and sometimes make myself visible to braid her beautiful long hair (she likes it and I do too).

"Seeing you here watching that little girl while wearing a trench coat, somebody might say you're a perv, little bro." I frowned at the mean comment and turned around to the archangel speaking to me. 

"Gabriel, you're impossible," I said - and it was the most gentle and polite variation of what was on my heart. 

Gabe shrugged at me, and then we both agreed on a walk through Wanda's Heaven. He wanted to discuss "business" with me. That could mean either something really bad or really good. You never know with the witty archangel or "the trickster" as he sometimes calls himself. Soon, after a couple of steps, he started the conversation. "What was with the rush this morning? You muttered something about Dean-o calling you. Is everything okay?" His voice was kind and even a bit playful. I was glad that he understood me and showed support whenever I expressed my worries about heavenly impregnation. 

"It worked well as you said. The fledging will be born 6 months from now," I said, allowing myself to smile a little. It was so exciting. I already loved the child, and that strong feeling was able to suppress the sadness settled in me for a very long time.

"That's amazing, Cassie!" Gabe nearly shouted as he put his arm around my shoulders and with his other hand he ruffled my hair. "How did he react to it?" His eyes were full of curiosity.

No. Not this question. I'm not ready yet. I need to talk out of this.

"Dean likes his body now, I think it brought back some of his old self-confidence. He...he  thanked me and was smiling a lot. That means he's happy," I said. "His smile is so beautiful. I have never noticed before how someone's smile can make you feel warm all over your chest." Maybe only his smile was able to do it. I'll have to do some research on that. 

Gabriel took the bait and responded: "Hey, that's a good start. Did you smile back?"

I tilted my head, repeating his question in my head. "Why? Is there a rule about when to smile that I don't know of?" I asked confused. It made Gabriel amused and he started to laugh.

Emotions were too overwhelming, so I let them leak out only in small doses. Not expressing them at all is painful as then they cause pressure to build up, making me scared that they may burst and destroy me. On the other hand, not regulating them and letting them flow wasn't much better. If any higher-up angel would notice, I would be sent to Naomi to reprogramme me. It was way too complicated. Why am I the only one who has to carry this burden?

"Nevermind, bro," he said, but I was certain that there was more behind his words. "Back to the real deal. How did he react to it? And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Did you tell him what I advised you?"

I simply nodded while looking far away in front of myself.

"You look sad. So what happened? Why are you here instead of taking care of the Winchester and your offspring?"

"I fled."

"Why?" He waited patiently for my answer. I took a deep breath and eventually explained: "Dean expressed how thrilled he was to meet the baby and- He will be so disappointed once I will take it from him..." I was so sick of myself. Why am I putting poor Dean through this? What if it will break him to the point when I won't be able to fix it? If only I was strong enough and none of this was necessary. Something was moving quickly in front of my eyes, so I tried to focus on that object. It was Gabriel's hand.

"You zoned out," he pointed out. I apologized and we continued walking. 

"Dean can never know I lied to him. He's too precious to be lied to." Gabriel had a weird look on his face that didn't bode well. I didn't know why as I wasn't aware of saying anything wrong. 

"What?"

"Cassie, you- I don't think you should stay away from him for too long..." he said somehow carefully. I realized quite quickly what he was trying to imply and it was ridiculous.

"I think you're mistaken."

"I saw it, Castiel. That twinkle in your eye when you said he was precious to you."

"I meant precious for the world, not me," I snapped at him, my wings lifting behind me as they always do when I'm upset. The feathers were puffed up, making them look even more massive than they were. "There's no Profound Bond between us. He said we were pals, but other than vague friendship, he doesn't feel strong emotions towards me." I was ready to just fly away to end the conversation, but then Gabriel spoke up once more, startling me as he asked: "But do you? Because it's also important what you feel." The silence on my side gave me off. I wasn't able to come up with a good answer. Did I like the human that much?

"Bye, Gabriel," I said and left for no further interrogation. What we discussed so far was already a lot on my head to process. Feelings and such were always making me uncomfortable and right now, I might be even scared of them. 

***

Dean's POV 

I am not outright upset with the angel, but the truth is that I was disappointed when he disappeared without saying goodbye. Maybe it was angel business calling him. How the hell should I know? The guy is a mystery. If he wasn't so good-looking, I wouldn't bother uncovering his secrets at all, of course... I don't know if angels can like someone. Why am I thinking about this in the first place? He's a guy. And I'm a guy too. It can never work. 

I had to lie down after eating my burger, and maybe I'd eaten it too eagerly and that's why my stomach felt bloated. As I turned off the lights by throwing a random object at the switch, I noticed there was another source of light. I slowly uncovered a bit of my bloated stomach to see a gentle blue light swimming under my skin. It was terrifying and beautiful at the same time. After a while of observing it, I caught myself smiling. Eventually, I fell asleep, feeling well, with my hand resting over the place where the breeding grace was making itself at home. 

In the morning, I didn't feel well at all. And it continued for weeks.In fact,  I had to run fast for the bathroom right after I woke up where I was hugging the toilet for half an hour on minimum. Morning sicknesses are gross and unfortunately, they are my new 'normal' now. Or at least for a few months of carrying the baby. 

My lower back was aching too and not even my miraculous memory foam mattress could help me cure it. Calling Cas would be an option, but since he vanished, I felt like keeping him here with me would just be too selfish. He has job to do in Heaven that's probably important. Besides, I wanted to prove myself to him. He chose me as the carrier of his child, so I can't let him down and whine over every small ache.

But, damn, after weeks of this madness, I felt exhausted. At least my appetite stayed the same and I learned when it was right to eat so it wouldn't get thrown up in the morning. Quite reluctantly, I added up some fruits into my diet, but that was the maximum I was willing to do. Eating always filled me with a weird kind of pleasure. Now I get how Cas meant the 'filling the emptiness inside of me' part. I didn't even feel the need to get drunk.

While I was hugging myself tightly to keep the remaining contents of my stomach in, I passed around the mirror. I relatively got used to feeling swollen and bloated, but it felt nothing like when the baby bump would start to show. I couldn't wait. Except for all the symptoms making the bathroom my new home, and grace occasionally swirling inside of me, nothing hinted that I was pregnant. 

For one whole month I resisted being without Cas and his help, but then my strong will broke. 

"Cas, I need you here. P-please, come to me as soon as you can," I begged while being a shaking and crying mess. 

Waking up was as bad as the other days, nothing extraordinary happened until I made myself breakfast. I carried the plate with food and sat down with it at the kitchen table. Then I listened to the silence filling my apartment and I saw the empty chair beside me and got so upset. Other mothers had their husbands supporting them in this difficult time. I have it even worse than them, and there's no one to help me. To soothe me when I'm hurting. To make myself breakfast so I wouldn't be straining myself. Anger began bubbling inside of me. Soon I started to shout. "Son of a bitch!" Anything that got under my hand was instantly sent flying to the opposite wall and shattering up until I got tired of it and emotionally devastated I simply collapsed to the floor. The need and want for my angel were too much to bear so I prayed.

"It's so much... I need you, Cas-"

"I'm here," I heard him say along with the familiar wooshing sound of his wings and I was almost choked by the happiness it made me feel. "What happened?" he asked, looking around at all the things I'd broken while having the tantrum. As much as I tried to answer, every word turned into a loud sob. I covered my face as I really must be looking horrible now. He will never want me like this. Cas approached me, then scooped me up into his arms and carried me to my bed. He seems really strong. His rhythmical walk lulled my cries to sleep. Everything felt better with my angel being so close.

Once I was lying down, the blanket was pulled over me. Castiel wanted to get up on his feet, but I stopped him by pulling his wrist. 

"Stay," I whispered as my voice hasn't recovered yet. I don't know why, but he looked terrified of such a simple request. Eventually, he sat down at the empty place beside me I patted in invitation. As soon as he did it, I moved my head onto his lap. I wish he caressed my hair, but that would be too much to ask. Even this seemed like too much touch, more than Castiel was willing to give me.

"What happened?" he repeated his earlier question.

"Nothing," I said, my voice small and weak. "I just needed you to be with me. You said I can call you when that happens so I did."

There was a lot of silence before I felt his hand pushing on my lower back, making me wince a little. The ache disappeared. "Thank you, Cas," I smiled, feeling a wave of relief. When I stopped shaking and overall got better, I wanted to finally eat my breakfast. "Can you sit here?" I pointed at the chair that started it all. His head tilt hinted that he didn't fully understand why, but did it anyway. I was smiling happily like an idiot. This shouldn't feel so good. 

The previous breakfast ended up on the floor so I had to prepare myself a new one. While I was making toasts, Castiel was trying his best to see under my hands without standing up as if he was glued to the seat. Was he obeying my wish? Not getting up because I said I'd like him to sit there? Interesting.

What was also interesting about the angel was his posture - very soldier-like, with his back narrowed and chin tilted a bit up. His features were very sharp and rough. However, his skin was giving off softer vibes. What is he hiding?

I sat down, my three toasts with fried eggs on the plate put in front of me. I took a bite and hummed satisfyingly. Castiel eyed me and the remaining two toasts. Angels don't eat, I reminded myself. Then again, Castiel looked curious so maybe he just wanted to try. "Do you want one?" There was it again - the scared look on his face. What is this about? "I know what you said about the molecules, but even if you won't enjoy the taste, your body may appreciate some extra fuel," I winked, leaning for another plate and giving it to him with one toast with egg.

"I can't take it. It's yours," he obliged.

"Yeah, but two are enough for me. Or I can make myself a new one. You don't have these in Heaven, right?" I waited for a nod of confirmation. "So don't hesitate and dig in." At first, he just nibbled at the food, but soon his bites turned into mouthfuls. Judging by the blush coloring his stuffed cheeks, it must have been a great experience for the angel. 

After we have eaten, he fidgeted on his seat in need of some movement. 

"You can go if you need to," I offered. He stared into my eyes. The icy blues are giving me the creeps. How does he do that? Looking so cute and dangerous at the same time. "I will call again wh-"

"Will you?" The question came out quickly and the angel radiated with expectations. He certainly doesn't trust me. Not that I blame him for that. My reputation isn't the best. Castiel probably regretted his words as his gaze averted away from me. For me, it's hard to tell what is the real deal with this guy. He was the one suggesting not to see each other 24/7, so nothing is giving him the right to accuse me of cutting him off. On the other hand, I understood him and wasn't angry with him.

"Of course, I will. It's your baby too. It needs to be in contact with its both parents," I winked. He nodded in acknowledgement, but I can tell he isn't much happier. "Or we could just settle down on some regular schedule? Just choose one day when you're not too busy and every week you can come for a visit without asking."

He jumped at the opportunity immediately. "How about Thursday?"

"Fine by me," I smiled. 

"Alright. See you on Thursday then, Dean." And with that Castiel vanished, not letting me say my goodbye. Maybe he doesn't know that it's rude to leave before the other one also ended the conversation, because otherwise he sounds sophisticated and acts very politely. 

Since that agreement was made, my pregnancy was like a bowl of cherries. It's true that - for some reason that I couldn't fully understand - I get all whiney on Wednesdays, craving Castiel's presence, but I usually get over it and wait up until Thursday. He never left out, always eager to look me up and down. Whenever I offered him to touch the barely there belly, he accepted and his hands usually gripped me roughly while he lovingly adored my stomach. It was probably to show me that he wasn't there for me. I am nothing more than a breeder to that sonuvabitch. Yet, I didn't mind that much. Better bad company than none.

Only one thing was bothering me. Days spent with Castiel are a bit blurry when I try to remember them. Some parts of that day I can't recall at all, mostly conversations. Maybe it's just a weird side effect of the angel pregnancy. The angel appeared to be more domestic to my delight and also a concern. Because it was a very warming sight to see him doze off on my couch and drool on my pillow. However, despite me feeding him, his cheeks appear less chubby than the first time we met. I refuse to think of the fact that Castiel might be sick. Hope it's nothing too bad. He would tell me if he was dying.

Chapter Text

Castiel's POV

"Cassie, you know you will die if you keep this up. You look awful. Other angels are starting to notice it. I talked to Samandriel and he's scared of losing you. Is the fledging worth it?" Gabriel asked me as I was sitting on a bench in Hyde Park. It's a while ago since I accepted the existence of a profound bond between Dean and me. There was no use to fight it. The more I was away from him, the worse I got. Our Thursday meetings helped just a little because I was constantly forced to use my powers - and not only on the good things like healing him...

"And what am I supposed to do? Abandon it? Kill it? Just because I can't let myself get more attached to Dean?" I snapped at him in frustration. I'm often like this and I don't like it. Without enough of my 'mojo', as Dean calls it, emotions are much harder to tame. 

"It's either denial and the fledging must go, or you pick yourself from the floor and tell him everything," Gabe said patiently, unfazed by any of my outbursts. No matter how out of my mind I was, I still appreciated having such an ally on my side. 

"You think I didn't try?!" I dropped my head, my hands gripping my hair. "He's asking me those questions again. About the baby. What's gonna be with it once it's born? Whenever I explain, he immediately says bad things to me in response. I don't know how many times I heard him say that I used him and that he hates me from the bottom of his heart. Why can't he understand that it's hurting me too? I would love to raise the child with him instead of handing it to Michael, but that choice isn't possible!" I was on the edge of crying. So close to falling from the cliff to the endless sea of sorrow and pain. And I was tired. So physically tired.

I didn't even notice that there was an arm wrapped around me. Gabriel was always the best in providing comfort. I let out a deep sigh.

"How many times did you wipe his memory so he wouldn't remember?"

I had to swallow down the bile rising in my throat before I could answer. "Several times." God, I was too afraid to count it. Gabe patted my back.

"Hey, I don't know this Dean-o very much, but from the way you talk about him, I like the guy. And I believe that when the right time comes, he will do what's right. Or else I will kick his ass!" He laughed at the end, making me chuckle.

Then my stomach rambled. "This is so annoying," I groaned, pushing at my waist to calm the vessel's inner organs down. Gabriel didn't say anything to that. The worry in his eyes expanded to his eyebrows. No. No. No. Don't look at me like that. Don't remind me how low I have fallen. I shrugged his arm off my shoulders, said goodbye and left. I tried to ignore the pile of feathers sitting under the place I sat, just as I ignored the bold spots on my wings appearing more with each passing day.

Thursday will be in four days. I have to carry on until then. Dean said it will be special this time.

***

Dean's POV

The first extraordinary milestone was here! With the end of my second month getting closer and closer, I was getting happier and happier. The first trimester is almost under my belt! Which is a bit funny as I no longer can wear belts. The thing is so uncomfortable when pushing against my growing belly. Especially my underbelly feels heavier, which is actually quite a good feeling. Whenever I walk, I'm trying to be careful not to bump into stuff. The abs got covered with bits of fat but I don't mind that much. Anything that is sacrificed for the baby's sake is great. Not that I would suspect Castiel of lying, but whenever I go for my usual grocery run, people look weirdly at me. They had probably never seen another man looking so damn good in his forties. 

When I started to think that nothing can get worse, it got worst...

During one of my morning sicknesses, my phone began to ring frantically. I knew it was Sam. I didn't tell him about my pregnancy or that I'm suddenly young and handsome again. So I needed to pick it up and tell him I was fine. Not picking up would mean him driving to my apartment instantly. I made a run for the phone. My stomach felt bloated, so it wasn't over yet.

"Hey, Sammy," I said, trying to sound enthusiastic over my hoarse voice.

"Dean. How are you doing? I thought I would come to see you. It's been a long time."

Shit. "I'm doing okay. Ummm. You know, it's a bit inconvenient. I mean, I'm busy at the moment with... stuff. And I wouldn't have time to-" Oh no. I felt my stomach turn. "Hold on." I got back to the toilet just in time to throw up. Distantly, I heard Sam on the other end of the line: "You sure you're okay? I hear you're sick! Dammit, Dean! You can't be home alone when you're sick. I'll be there in a few hours. Just- just hold on."

"No, Sam that's-" Bitch hung up on me. That didn't go well at all. I sat down on the cold tiles of my bathroom, hand rubbing my upset bulging stomach. Okay. Sam is a very reasonable person. He won't freak out by seeing me slightly younger than last time... Except he hid freak out right after he opened the door.

"What the hell!" He pinned me against a wall which I didn't expect. Sam ignored me when I told him to be careful as I didn't know how much stress or damage the baby can handle. Luckily, he didn't get the idea to punch me in my midsection. "Where did you put my brother? What are you, anyway? A shifter? In that case, you did a shitty job. Dean doesn't look this young anymore!"

"Okay, that hurt my feelings," I blurted out on which he took out the silver dagger. "No, Sammy!" He forcefully pulled up my sleeve and cut through my skin shortly, making me flinch. "I'm not a shifter! Just let me explain it to you!" He didn't listen and instead tried any possible test to find out the answer he wanted to hear. "When I was a kid, I wanted to do ballet, but dad wouldn't allow it, saying it's not a man's sport!" I spitted out in a desperate attempt to prove myself. It only resulted in Sam getting confused.

"Dean I know would never admit that as he knows I would embarrass him with it at one point in his life!"

"Sorry that I'm honest for once!" I kicked him off of me. "Stop it! I am Dean, okay? I was depressed and then an angel came to my room with an offer that I took and woke up this sexy the morning after." I tried to be calmer while explaining. With every word, Sam's mouth became slack. He grabbed me by my arms and pulled me close so he could shout into my face how stupid I was for making deals with the winged douches. Something interrupted him. I looked down. Our stomachs - mine soft and his firm - were touching. The face he made spoke for itself. Cas must have messed it up. "I will explain that too. You may want to sit down for this." He was still shocked but eventually, he settled down on a couch. 

How should I start? I took a couple of deep breaths and cleared my throat at least three times before finally speaking up. "The angel, Castiel, chose me as his... well, to carry his offspring. And I said yes to it because I felt lonely."

"Wait- You're trying to tell me that you're expecting?" His expression held something that I couldn't quite put a name on.

"Yeah. Two months out of six already." I patted my belly lightly. "It's shorter than a regular human pregnancy. I knew you wouldn't approve of it, but the angel was right when he said it's a way to give my life a purpose again. Before I retired it was hunting, but then I had nothing left. You were away, living your own life, so there was no one I could take care of."

Sam hid his face behind his palms. "Dean, I- I'm so sorry for not being here for you. None of this would have happened. It's my fault." 

"Ummm. No worries, Sam. I kinda enjoy it," I said with a blush on my face. He squeezed my shoulder tightly. "Why are you so nervous?"

"What did Castiel tell you?" His jaw was set, teeth gritted.

I frowned. Why is that important? "Angels are going extinct or something and one of the archangel dicks found a spell that would allow them to breed humans. I must tell you, Sam, it was the best org-"

"Save it. It's all a lie." What?! What does it mean? Castiel wouldn't lie to me? Why would he? "You know I swore not to hunt without you, and I'm keeping my promise. Although I stayed in touch with some other hunters and one of them reported capturing an angel who was revealed to be pregnant. Under the promise of being kept alive, he talked a lot. According to him, the effect of the spell is actually that they can get pregnant no matter if their vessel is a male or a female to create a new generation of strong angels. To make dutiful soldiers out of them. You're probably not even meant to keep this child. I hate to say all this." So it was a lie and the baby... My legs suddenly became wobbly. Sam was fast enough to catch me and put me down on the couch next to him. Why would he do such a thing?! For so long I couldn't get mad at the guy. I always told myself that I should be grateful. That I should no longer act like a spoiled brat. And it all came back and bit me in the ass.

"No humans are supposed to get involved in breeding. I don't know why this Castiel did it, but he used you. I'm so sorry." I felt myself tearing up, but more than that I needed to scream. I jerked away from Sam and rushed to lock myself in my bedroom. "That bastard! I fucking trusted him! Why was I such a damn idiot? They are all the same!" And I went on and on with the curses until I got tired. I don't know what Sam did while I was out of it. I didn't remember much of anything until Thursday morning. I came out of my room so Sam and I could come up with a plan. And so we did. The last step was getting Cas here.

I prayed for him and couldn't avoid the rage leaking through my voice. "Castiel. I need to talk to you. Now!"

It was just a second before he appeared. "Hello, Dean. What is it you want to talk about?" he asked, his voice so frickin' innocent. But no, I won't let him fool me twice. I crossed my arms over my chest meaningfully. Judging by the look on his face, he realized something was wrong. He made a step closer.

"Stay where you are. And you better start talking too. Why did you impregnate me? What do you plan to do with the baby once it's born? And I don't want to hear any lies!" I yelled. This time, it made his shoulders sag. That was when I realized how pale he was. So out of character with his soldier-like posture being long gone as he was hunched over a bit. 

"Not like this. It's not the right time," he muttered and his hand reached out, aiming for my forehead. I remembered him doing it before, but nothing that came after. A memory wipe? That's such a low blow! So pathetic!

"Sammy!" I called out as a signal. Within a brief moment, Sam jumped out of his hiding and ignited the circle of holy oil surrounding the angel. Right where Castiel's hand stuck out of the circle, the flames rose and licked his hand, causing him to retrieve it with a hiss. He pressed his burnt hand towards his chest while giving me the kicked-puppy look. I reminded myself that it was his fault. He got himself into this position. And he deserves to pay for it. 

I wasn't able to talk, so Sam started the interrogation instead of me. "You better talk!" He waved at the captive with the angel blade that Cas left there the first night. 

"It had to be like this. But I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier what were my intentions with the baby, meaning that I wanted to... present it to Michael as my own so it can get proper education and training to become an angelic soldier." None of that, even if it was meant honestly, could cure the gaping hole inside of my heart. It hurt so many times more as my memory got back along with all the hate towards Castiel building up.

"You had to, huh?" I chuckled at his poor excuse. And I thought he could do better than that. "As I see it, it's more about you being too weak and cowardly to take such a big responsibility so you needed someone naive to do what you couldn't!" 

In reaction, Cas pierced me with his so far the most pained and hateful look. I've never seen anyone this furious. It forced me to take a step back. Sam did the same. 

"You want the truth? Then listen." His voice was so deep, sounding almost inhuman. "After the first angels were successfully impregnated and first fledglings were born, I was the first in a line of volunteer breeders. Because it's a blessing to create life. It's a godly power gifted to female mothers only. Carrying a child in Heaven while being a leader of a garrison wasn't ideal. Being pregnant wasn't enough of an excuse to have a break from fighting, not until the last month when the early delivery might happen. I was one week until the end of my fifth month. I was one last battle towards the well-needed rest. And it took one deep stab wound into my side to..." 

Castiel closed his eyes which were slowly becoming red as he spoke for so long without blinking. I could see how his chest heaved and his lip trembled. Cas couldn't keep himself composed and when a single tear rolled down his cheek, I knew this all was a bad idea. Saying something like this should never be forced out of someone. The angel continued, pushing every word out of himself violently. 

"There was no time for me to heal it. My brothers and sisters needed their leader to fight until the very end. I sliced throats even when I felt the sticky blood between my legs, soaking my clothes, meaning that the fledging that I loved was dying inside of my womb that was meant to be a safe place for it to grow. I dare you to call me a coward ever again!" His eyes were flaring in the bright color of his grace. I noticed the way his whole body shook. 

It all made sense now. Castiel must have been heartbroken by that experience and scared of it happening again, so he tried to find another way.

"I had no idea, Cas. I'm so-" He interrupted me before I could apologize. Every bit of emotion burned out of him, leaving him cold again as I experienced him to be so long ago.

"Once your fledging is born, I promise I won't make any steps to take it away from you. That was a big mistake in the first place. You won't ever see me again, but you still better guard your house against other angels. Now let. Me. Go." I looked at Sam and we both shared one thought silently. He lowered the blade, I turned around for a glass of water waiting on a table behind us and poured the liquid on the floor, to extinguish the fire. The angel was gone.

Sam stayed with me for days, seeing how sad I was and also regretful. I couldn't stop thinking about Cas and all he's been through. And I felt I needed him. Whenever I looked at the chair he learned to sit at while enjoying a meal with me, the couch he dozed off on or the place where I saw him shed a tear. Was it even possible for an angel to cry? Could they feel these kinds of emotions? I've spent nights praying to him. Asking for forgiveness and wanting him to come so they could talk it out or something. He needs to know I care and that he's not alone in his grief! He never showed up. All I hoped for was that this all was just some sort of silent treatment and that he wasn't sick or something. Castiel was in pretty bad shape lately...

Chapter Text

Castiel's POV 

My head was pounding. I could hear nothing besides the constant talking and talking. It were Dean's prayers, swirling around my head, making it spin. I remember making it from the apartment to Heaven, then curling up into a ball and hiding somewhere, surrounded by leafy bushes. 

"Cas, I'm so sorry buddy."

"Castiel. Answer me, please. I need you to come."

"I'm worried about you, Cas."

"Just, please, be okay."

"It's been a whole week. I'm begging you don't do this to yourself. I don't hate you, so come. I swear not to yell at you."

A week? It felt just like a few hours. This is so irresponsible. I should just face my problems, the mess I've done, instead of being like this. Dean was right. I was a coward after all. I tried to push myself off of the ground. My right hand burned. It looked pretty badly wounded, but I knew better than to heal it. What if someone else is wounded? They need my grace more than me. Anyone else deserves it more. My face was wet, but it didn't rain. My coat was colored by the grass I laid on, in some places even muddy brown. I swayed on my legs until I fell onto a pillar of some sort that supported my body. 

I heard distant mumbling. I tried paying more attention to it and found out who the voice belonged to. "Cassie?" Gabriel. I told Dean, Gabe. He knows everything. I hurt him so much by being dishonest with him and he keeps on apologising to me. I don't get it. Why? I'm the monster of this story, so why be sorry for me? None of the words I wanted to tell him came out of my mouth, but I suspected that Gabe heard them anyways. Long ago I fell from the edge of the imaginary cliff into the water. Now I'm drowning slowly as I'm getting pulled deeper by the weight of my sins. Who was I trying to fool? I never wanted to help Dean. I always wanted to help myself. You wouldn't find worse angel in the whole Heaven. 

"Shhh. I'm here, little bro." Dean. I want Dean! The profound bond did it's job well. Making me lose all the grace from the lack of contact with my soulmate. With the person I liked so much. "I know. I know. We'll get you to him, okay?"

A bit of my common sense came back to me. No! Dean can't see me. I will just hurt him more. He's better off without me! I felt something holding my arms and legs tightly. Fighting it wasn't helping. What is happening? Leave me alone! It felt like hours before I got exhausted and simply laid there lifeless and numb. Maybe I died. It's the most reasonable explanation for how I felt, surrounded by nothingness.

***

Dean's POV 

Sam and I were just having dinner when we heard the sound of wings. I jolted up, expecting to see Cas. And I did, but he looked ruined, supported by a shorter man - probably another angel - who had hard times taming Castiel's jerking body. 

"Put him on a bed," I ordered, pointing toward the bedroom. Sam took Castiel's weight off of the other angel, who seemed immediately more at ease, but concerned all the same. Then both of them proceeded to hold Cas grounded which proved to be nearly impossible. He was fighting to get free while crying. 

"He's better off without me! Leave me alone! Leave me to die! My life doesn't matter to me, to anyone! Please!" His begging for death caught me off guard and maybe it was caused by the hormones that it made me cry. Sam pulled me out of the trans.

"Look at his hand!" He pointed. It was the one burned by the circle of flames. That idiot didn't heal it and let infection get into it. The skin around it had red agressive rash. I left to get the medkit. Even in the bathroom I could hear the loud choked sobs and screams. When I returned, I went for his hand just to get my arms scratched by his nails.

"Dean, wait up until he's calmer!" Sam suggested. It was too dangerous for me and the baby to stand so close to him, so I kept my distance from then on until Castiel fell asleep. He suddenly looked so peaceful. I treated and bandaged his hand carefully. From up close, I saw how impossibly shallow were his cheeks, how his chin was paler than the fresh winter snow and how dark were the circles under his dimmed eyes. We let him rest, and gathered in the kitchen.

"Do you have any sweets in here?" the small guy asked, looking through my kitchen cupboards that were quite too high for him to actually see inside. I told him that Halloween was some time ago. "How about booze, then?"

That I had plenty off. "The bottom left of a freezer," I instructed him. He soon found it and pulled three bottles out. "I won't have any." 

"I know, prego. One is for the Samsquatch here, and the rest are for me," he grinned. With a snap of his fingers, all bottles were opened. Who is this guy? I start to doubt that he's just a regular angel. Without hessitation, he downed the first bottle easily. Sam actually looked amused and a bit impressed too.

"Who are we thanking for bringing Castiel here?" Sam asked with a smirk. Gabriel's face matched his as he licked his lips for any drops of alcohol left there. "The name's Gabriel. Does it ring a bell to any of you?"

Sam almost choked on his sip. "Gabriel?! As in the archangel Gabriel?" Such a reaction seemed to please our unexpected guest.

"My pleasure," Gabe purred while smiling a little too flirtagiously, but it soon fell as we all heard a whimper coming from the bedroom. He sighed. "It's so hard to see my little bro like this. He said he told you everything. How did that go?"

Sam rubbed the back of his neck, wiping away sweat that settled there. "Not well," he said with a pity in his voice. Gabriel sort of expected that answer, I can tell. 

"It all started when Sam heard by the phone that I was sick and insisted on coming here. Then it all was confusing and I had to explain the pregnancy to Sam as he noticed the bump even though Cas said it won't be visible-" I got stopped by the abrupt laughter coming out of Gabriel. The guy was unstoppable for half a minute. 

"Sorry to spoil that to ya, Dean-o, but Castiel did his job very precisely as he always does. Isn't it more about you getting carried away and satisfying yourself with that junk you call food more than just sometimes?" he asked, radiating with humor while he patted my belly. I turned red from embarrassment and shame. My hands immediately traveled down to hug myself. Maybe there is a bit of a pudge... I feel bad now for ruining Castiel's efforts to give me a perfect body.

Sam was trying to hide his chuckle. I playfully nudged his shoulder. Little extra weight can't hurt and I can always get back to exercising after the baby's born. "So, as I was saying, I told Sam what Cas did and why he did it. However, Sam knew the real truth and we wanted to... confront Castiel. We captured him in the holy oil circle and so he was cornered, forced to spit it all out. And he did... It was horrible, actually. I mean, him talking about his miscarriage. The memory must be hurting still. He remembered such details about it. Made me all uncomfortable. We let him go after."

Gabriel ran a hand over his face. "That explains it all. Having to experience that again in his own head mixed with him being sick, no wonder he's a wreck." I felt panic rising up in me.

"Don't tell me he's dying! He is dying, right?! I frickin' knew there was something off with him! He looked so unhealthy, needed to eat and sleep and I always just laughed it off! Oh my God..." I was freaking out so much. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Chill out, Dean-o!" Gabriel sort of ordered. "I guess he told you everything except for the profound bond." I nodded fast. What the hell is he talking about? "You see, when one angel impregnates another, there's nothing sexual about it. It's like a favor done for the sake of the whole community. Our kind can't 'mate' with each other as we still understand ourselves as brothers and sisters. That's like a biological instinct. But! Chance of mating a whole another species, like a human, for example, makes around fourty percent. Sharing an offspring raises it to sixty. If at least one of the parties feels anything on the scale from interest through attraction to love - boom - ninety percent."

"How do you know so much about it?" Sam, you nerd! No one cares!

"I studied a lot about human-angel mating. Let's just say that I had my personal interest in finding out how it would work." There was a hidden meaning behind his words for sure, but (unlike Sam apparently) I couldn't care less. Castiel needed help.

"So Castiel feels something toward me?" I asked as that was important at the moment.

"Heh, not only something. He fell for you fast and hard during that first night and it was crushing him ever since. The bond is so strong from his side that being without you makes his grace weak to the point when he feels the basic human needs like food, sleep or even affection. Without you near, he's dying."

"B-but he said- he wanted to leave me for good that would mean-"

"Yes. Cassie doesn't think as highly of himself as other angels do and puts lifes of those he likes in front of his own. Since your happiness is especially important to him, he's willing to die for it." Gabriel was dead serious about it (no pun intended). I almost killed Cas... 

"But will he be okay? Can you heal him?"

"Answers are: It depends, and no." Why is he speaking in puzzles? I'm too frustrated for this! "I can't heal him, but you can, Dean-o." 

I swallowed down audibly. "That's..." Wait. Wait. Wait. "Uhhh. You know, I'm just not... I'm not into guys sooo that's that." I pictured all my favorite Sexy Asian Beauties to find out if they would turn me on a bit. Yep. Working. Not gay. Thank you.

"Gosh, no one wants to make you fall in love with him. Don't be fake. That's absolutely not what Castiel needs. Let it be one sided if you wish to, but let him have at least some of your care and friendship." If that's something he would aprecciate then okay. We can be just friends. Two friends raising one child. Add Sam to the mix and you have one messed up episode of Full House. I eventually agreed. I heard another soft whimper from the bedroom and sighed. 

"I should be with him." So I waved at them and disappeared in my room.

Chapter Text

Gabriel's POV

Seeing Cassie crying brought some of my own bad memories into my head and I hated every second of it. Booze helped a little to make those visions hazy if not anything better. I just hope that Dean-o will do the right thing. No matter how much he's trying to deny it, I can feel some deeper feelings from him toward my little brother. 

"I should get going," I announced, then stood up, ready to set off. Sam widened his eyes and stopped me.

"Wait!" 

I raised one eyebrow at him. When I look at Sam, it's just question marks all over him. It's a bit unsettling that I can't read him, but also nice as I don't get to know everything right away. He's... He's very appealing brain-wise and body-wise. I never had a kink, but if there's one for high difference, I may reconsider. 

"I thought..." Wow. Look at you. The boy is shy. Well I could cure that. "My motel is nearby." Oh. I did not expect that!

"Sam, you don't seem like that kind of guy. I mean, we just met and weren't on a single date," I chuckled. But really, would he be interested in dating me? Nevermind. Don't wish for the impossible. 

He seemed panicked in an instant. "I didn't mean it like that!" Is that a blush I see? This is so much fun. He's so easy to toy with. I bet he wouldn't last long in any of my games. Sam's too innocent for that. He's too precious to be- I heard that somewhere. "I just have some questions on you, Gabriel, so I thought you could walk me there." 

What are you planning, Sammyboy? "Yeah, sure. Lead the way. Those two need some privacy anyways." We walked out the front door and through the chilly streets we headed towards Sam's motel. It took a while before he spoke up.

"I've never met any archangel before. I must say that I imagined you a bit different." Here we go.

"Let me guess. Taller, with much more muscles?" I made fun of it, the thought actually hurt. So what if I like this vessel? Why should I look intimidating when I don't plan to harm anyone beside a little trick here and there? If I ever ended up with a mate, it would have been someone, who accepts me the way I am. "I get that a lot. And also that I should never get a mustache." Or someone in front of whome I wouldn't have to wear this smiling mask all the time.

"No," Sam said. It surprised me, so I looked up to see his face - he was serious. "That's horrible. No one should say that. Being an archangel doesn't mean being perfect." That... that made my mouth hang open. "What I wanted to say, that whenever I met an angel they were-"

"Idiots?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. I thought you were all like this. And I expected that archangels especially would be arrogant and self-centred. I was surprised when I met Cas who's so unlike others. And it's the same with you. I know angels call themselves 'family', but it all ever sounded fake to me. However, you and Cas seem to actually feel the brotherly love. I think that's nice." His smile is so bright and welcoming. 

I was honestly speechless. That never happened before. Not that anyone would ever compliment me before either. It is easy for me to flirt with everything that moves, but real nice endearments? I have no idea how to respond to them. 

"So, what was that 'personal experience' you mentioned?" he asked me. 

He really thinks I will tell him? I thought he was smarter than that. "To help Cassie, of course. After the sad incident, he confessed being scared and I suggested he could use a human carrier instead as I myself have been experimenting with the breeding grace. It was a perfect solution - different process, same result," I shrugged. The look he gave me... "What?!" 

"And why exactly you've been 'experimenting' with it?" 

"I was curious," I said as if the answer was absolutely obvious. 

"That's a lie." I take it back. Boy's pretty smart.

"Yes, it is," I confirmed and my patience was slowly running thin. "I might be missing the whole point of this conversation. What do you want from me, Sam? Is this about fangirling over seeing an archangel for the first time or hunter's interrogation? If it's the later, then you got the wrong impression. I mean no harm to you, your brother or anyone." I folded my arms on my chest. It actually hurt to know how low might Sam be thinking of me. The words he said before probably meant nothing.

I risked one glance at him. His face was shocked. "T-that's a misunderstanding!" he nearly stuttered. "I just felt like there's something more you aren't telling me and it's hurting you. Maybe it would help to talk about it."

"I'm fine actually." Then it was just a few steps to his motel. Sam seemed to be feeling bad for what he said. Aren't you cute? So innocent, although I wouldn't want to get on your bad side. We rambled a bit before I decided it was the right time to leave him. I almost failed to register that a small card was being pushed into my hand. I looked at it. Is that Sam's phone number?! 

"In case you wanted to chat, I'm just a call away."

"I- Yeah. Not happening, boy. As I said, I don't know you, so..." I gestured with my hand to once again express my attitude.

"Then how about a date?"

If I drank coffee at the moment, I would spill it loud and fast. Sam Winchester is shamelessly making fun of me by asking me to go on a date with him? How stupid he thinks I am. Hey, that's actually a good question. "How stupid do you think I am? You want to date an archangel, who's half your height?" I asked offended. The only real date I had was with Kali. It took tons of flirting and pheromone sprays to finally make her say yes. In the end, it wasn't even worth it. She was so possesive. Sex with her was good, but I didn't like how dominant she tended to get. 

"I'm not kidding you, Gabe," he smiled, but his eyes were serious. "Look. Angels are genderless, no matter the vessel giving them secondary gender. And even if everyone sees you as a guy, it doesn't matter to me. Unlike Dean, I'm not afraid to just follow my heart." It actually sounds very meaningful. Would I want to try it? Sam looks like a pretty big deal, but maybe he could finally be the key to the escape I desire. "You want us to get to know each other more. It's our chance." He's so full of expectations. And I'm so dumb that I might actually disappoint him...

"It's a date then," I said, trying to control my enthusiasm. On the other hand, Sam didn't bother to hide his emotions. Yet again, he charmed me by being adorable. "But under one condition! You will let me to set up the date as I don't want to go to any lame restaurant. Deal?" I actually wanted it to be in my hands so I would be more comfortable and confident. He saw too much from under my mask. Time to put a smile back on. 

Sam nodded and we separated. Tomorrow at six. I had only several hours to prepare. It wasn't fair to Cassie, but then I considered that he has Dean to take care of him so I might get my piece of happiness too. I can afford that.

I already had some ideas and started to put all the pieces together. 

***

Dean's POV 

Right as the bedroom door shut behind me, another whine escaped Castiel's mouth. I'm not sure if he's dreaming about something. Then I heard him say my name, but I don't think it was consciously. That tie can be dangerous. Better undo it fully. And I should get him rid of his shoes for more comfort. His coat is dirty, it would be better to get that off of him too. As I leaned down for the last piece of clothing, his hand slid under my shirt to palm my belly. He let out a contended sigh. I looked down to see the glow. It was much brighter than when I was touching it. Maybe the baby could help Castiel to heal better. I laid down next to him. Within a minute, the angel hugged me around my hips, his forehead pressing lightly against my belly. A smile shone on his face.

Well, I could use a nap. So I closed my eyes and fell asleep while my hand rested on his shoulder, the other put under my head. I slept well until I felt the matress under me shifting. Castiel was awake, confused and panicked. I looked him in the eyes, catching them just for a brief second before he pulled away from me, turning his head away. After taking in his surroundings, he pulled the cover away from his body and swung his legs over the bed's frame. "I shouldn't be here," he said and attempted to get up. As he did it, his body swayed. Luckily, I was there to take his hand and pull him back down.

"Gabriel brought you here all worried, because you were really sick," I informed him softly with compassion.

He scoffed in response: "I didn't ask him to clean up my messes." Then to my surprise he laid back down. "Why do I feel hot all over?" he complained. I put my hand on his forehead. If I wasn't so worried about his health condition, I would have laughed at the way he averted his eyes to see what my hand was doing. His temperature wasn't good at all. 

"You have a fever. As far as I can tell, it's a big one," I said, thinking of ways to cool him down. Manipulating with Cas was like moving a sack of marshmallows. The guy was unbelievably light, so it was no issue to take him under his armpits and pull him up into a sitting position. His coat then went flying on the other side of the room. It still wasn't enough. I started unbuttoning his white dress shirt, but his hand soon stopped me. He tried to grip me tight, but it ended up being just a week squeez. His eyes were full of fear. I couldn't help but cup his red cheek lightly. "Why don't you want me to do it? I'm not gonna hurt you."

He swallowed up dry. "Vulnerable," he said shamefully between two shallow breaths.

"It's okay to feel vulnerable. You have nothing to be afraid of here. I'm gonna protect you if anyone tries to get to you. Trust me?" I asked. I felt like this needed to be clarified and awaited his answer. It came in a form of a positive nod and his hand retreated right after, falling down limp next to his body. I finished undoing all the buttons (look at those abs!) and laid him back down. "I'm sorry you have to go through this. Considering how much you've been hurting in the past, I-" He was tearing up, his face scrunching. "Oh, shit! No... Cas?" Now he was in full crying mode. Dean, you piece of an idiot! I tried to comfort him a bit by some patting. "I didn't want to make you sad. Forgive me, please. Crying will just waste your energy. I need you to stay awake with me. Think of something nice. Tell me, what makes you happy, Cas?" Distraction, that's the way out of this. For a moment, he seemed almost unconscious, but I guess he was just thinking so hard. At least the tears stopped coming.

"Bees," he said simply and this time I had to smile a bit. He won't be such a tough guy after all. I imagine bee lover to be cute and nerdy more than anything. 

"Well, that's cool. I don't know much about them, but I'm way too familiar with Bee's Knees Cocktail," I said in hopes to cheer him up. I sat next to him, saying random stuff until he calmed down. Turned out I was mistaken by his silence. He wasn't calm. He fainted. Touching his forehead now actually burned. I have to deal with this. I scooped his numb body up into my arms and carried him to the bathtub. There I turned the shower on, making sure that the water running was fresh and icy cold. Along with a wet washcloth on his forehead it slowly forced the temperature down. After half an hour, he opened his eyes. He looked much better.

"Don't do this to me, Cas," I breathed out, feeling flooded with relief. My eyes were closed when I heard him whisper his little: "Thank you, Dean." It melted my heart. He is different from the other angels. I took away the washcloth from his face.

"Do you want me to help you get out of the tub?" I asked rather than do it without his permision. And it was actually right thing to do as he wanted to stay in.

"I'd like to..." I patiently waited for the rest that he seemed hessistant and embarassed to share. "I'd like to groom my wings. I got scared in the morning when I found out that I couldn't fly away - which I don't want anymore, I'm happy to be with you." Awww. He's a softie. "I think they might be covered in dried mud." I nodded and made my way toward the exit.

"I will go and find you some clean clothes while you're... busy." I decided to leave the door a bit open. Through the creak I could see two black shadows slowly darkening behind his back. It probably was a private procedure. I went to my closet. Since my body changed young again, I had to do some shopping for clothes as everything was too big for me. Sparing these clothes on Cas won't do any harm as when the pregnancy progresses I will aprecciate my "fat clothes" again. I had to sit down for a moment as moving so much was tiring, but I used it to at least fold the clothes before picking them up and carrying them into the bathroom. Before entering, I knocked on the door so he knew I was coming. I was taken aback by the sight in front of me. I imagined his wings big white and majestic. The wings in front of my eyes were pitch black, lacking feathers on so many places which made them look actually small. I must have been staring wordlessly for too long. I noticed he stared back at me, his face full of grief. The bathtub had some feathers in it too. I slowly knelt down next to the tub. "Do you want to talk about it, Angel?" I asked, using the endearment I was saving for a while now. As it turned out right after, it was the worst timing of all times.

"I wouldn't expect that kind of mockery from you, Dean!" he snapped at me, his wings twitching while being folded behind him. "With devastated wings like these, I'm no angel!" His voice was strong and pained.

"You're still an angel," I said softly. 

He seemed humored by my optimism. "Poor example of one..." he huffed out.

I put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing to get his attention. "Don't say that. You probably don't understand what I'm trying to tell you. You are and still would be an angel to me even if you lost your wings completely. Or your grace. Because that's not what makes you my angel. Capisce?" Will these words find their way to that thick skull of his? He seems to be processing what I said, so maybe they will.

"When an angel is stressed, his feathers might be falling off as human hair does. However, I've never seen it get this bad ever before," he sighed, answering my previous question. 

"Well, I can imagine how big and beautiful they must be when covered in all these silky feathers! Can't wait to see them once you are better!" I smiled at him. "Are you finished grooming them? How about in the back? Can you reach there?"

He shook his head. "No. Not in this form at least."

I took a clean washcloth and moved behind Cas. He turned his head to see what I was doing. "Can you relax your back a bit?" I asked him. He eventually did and even spread his wings more to grant me access to the roots of his wings. I scrubbed all the dirt off of them. And I swear Cas was enjoying it, leaning into my every touch. When I was done, the water in the tub was colored in brown. "Look at you! All pretty!" He smiled a bit and then his wings faded into two shadows until they were hidden completely. He was still in his dress pants that were now soaked in the unclean water. I put a big towel in front of the tub. He got up and still looked a bit unsteady on his legs, so I helped him out and wrapped his torzo in another towel. "I'm gonna turn around now. You get your pants down and change into the underwear I'm lending you. Then I can help you get into the rest." I really don't have to see him naked.

I did as I said, turned my back to him and sat down on the closed toilet, rubbing my slightly aching belly. The baby didn't like me walking around like this all the time. I heard some shuffling behind me and it actually made me imagine stuff. Fortunately, Castiel was fast and soon announced that he was done. I turned and damn! Despite his body being so sickly skinny, it is so sexy! I had to shift a bit on my seat to adjust myself. This shouldn't turn me on. It is so wrong. I got up and helped him get dressed in the grey sweatpants, Led Zeppelin t-shirt with an angel depictioned on it and a blue shirt that I never really liked to wear. The shirt suits him well. Matches his innocent eyes. 

Talking about his eyes, why is he squinting them on me? With that frickin' head tilt?!? "What? Is something on my face?"

"No," he said simply, his face pink. "It's nothing important."

"Everything about you is important," I said, surprised by my own honesty. I took the place by his side to support him as we walked to the kitchen. He wanted to sit on his usual place and I was happy to let him do it. There was leftover soup in my fridge. Perfect. Now I just have to heat it up. "This will be good. You look like you haven't eaten in days, which I assume you haven't, so it's better for you to start with light meals to avoid tummy aches." Geez, I already sound like a mom with two kids! I pulled up my sleeves and put a half-full bowel in front of my guest. 

"Dean, what's this?" he asked, inspecting the bandages around my forearms as he held me by my wrist. I have forgotten about them already. What excuse should I make? None was needed. Cas knew all too well what it meant. His head dropped, grip tightening. "I did this. I hurt you. Is that correct?" All the words I wanted to say were just in my head, the thoughts never leaving past my lips. I saw his other hand shining blue as it approached the bandages. Just in time, I yanked away. "Let me fix it," he said angrily. 

"No! Not happening, Angel. It's nothing too serious and you need to rest for your mojo to recover. You may wish yourself to die, but I won't let that happen! I experienced you faint twice and that's enough," I bit back. My vision was a bit blurry with tears as I remembered him beg - beg for the Death to claim him. 

Castiel looked at me with his eyes wide, taken aback and confused. "I don't wish to die. Not now when I have so much to live for," he said softer this time and I trusted him. I wiped away the tears spilling on my face and we ate together. I felt like it was supposed to be my job to cheer my angel up, but at the moment I couldn't find anything to laugh at and that's when something happened. Something that could be described with no other word than 'miraculous'. 

After the soup, I still felt hungry, so I took out a new plate and served myself a piece of pie. All I could think of while eating it was how delicious it was! Every bite teasing my taste buds. It was like having a rock concert in my mouth! I wasn't aware of the low-throat moans coming out of me until I caught Castiel's eyes. Why is he smiling at me like the biggest dork? It was actually funny as well as terrifying. His hand caressed my side, his thumb tracing the curve of my roundening stomach. 

"With an apetite like this, you might father one 'pie baby' alongside with the fledging," he said, holding back his giggles like a little child. 

I was shocked. "Was that-" I started to laugh. "Was that a joke? Did you really do what I think you did?!" It isn't any A+++ level humor. There's a different reason I was so amazed by that attempt to make me smile and it also proved me once again that this guy was something special.

"I believe so," he said, smiling once again and even more than before. We laughed together for a moment until I shuffled his hair and praised him for making this a good day worth remembering for me. The way my words flattered him showed that he had a bit of a praise kink. I could definitelly use this knowledge in the future...

I took my tea spoon and scooped some pie onto it. "Pies are the best. You won't believe it until you try one."

"But what about the 'tummy aches'?" he asked, actually looking concerned. Was he scared of it? That's the cutest thing I've seen in ages.

"A spoon or two can't hurt you," I chuckled. Then I held up the full teaspoon. "Come on. Open up." It was hilarious to watch him open his mouth, waiting for me to feed him. I could do that more often. It was fun. He actually closed his eyes while tasting the dessert as if he were trying to get the best out of it. Judging by the content expression on his face, he liked it. To be more exact, he said he it was "very pleasant". His mouth was once more opened, watering upon the image of another bite. And then again.

"This would be your third one," I warned playfully. 

"Just one more, please." I couldn't resist those puppy eyes, but then I drew a thick line behind it. He really shouldn't get more. Especially not when he seems scared of being sick. 

A single crumb got stuck on his lower lip. 

I took a good look at Castiel. The world around me stopped spinning as I took in the sight in front of me. This angel, was special to me. Why was I even trying to deny it? There's nothing I would value more than him and the baby he gifted me with. He filled the emptiness inside of me, glued together the pieces of my broken heart by his kindness. Amazed me by his bravery. Trusts me and loves me unconditionally even when he's familiar with all the sins I've done. Letting go of him would be like letting go of my happiness. That won't happen. I leaned in and kissed the crumb away from his lips. He turned his head away, panic fulling his cheeks with heat. 

"You aren't supposed to do this when you don't mean it," he said, his voice sad and hurt. I gently ran my hand through the dark mess he called a haircut. 

"What if I mean it? Be honest with me. Would you like us to be more than just pals?" His jaw visibly relaxed. After a moment he turned to face me again and nodded. "Then I don't see a single reason why not to try it." In a split second he was on me, kissing deeply. I couldn't stop smiling into the the gentle but passionate kisses. I wonder where he got those manners. Not that I would complain. It's just another thing he's perfect at doing. His hands danced around my belly, treating it nicely. The glow was back - bright and intense. I don't know if it's an angel thing, but I swear I could feel the baby being happy. The bandages fell off of my arms that were now clean from any cuts. I caught a glimpse of Castiel's wings, appearing behind him in flashes of blue as the grace borrowed by the baby worked on lessening the damage. 

"My angel. Only mine."

"I like how that sounds..."

Was the only exchange of words between the smooth kisses. That night, we snuggled under one fluffy blanket (turned out Cas likes those the best, even though he was very cute and shy about it) and talked about our future and how we'll raise our little angel. Life is going to be so good from now on, I smiled to myself and hugged Cas closer. His hand cradled my belly, glowing with joy.

Chapter Text

Gabriel's POV 

I've been thinking a lot lately and came to an important conclussion - Sam in no way is a bad person (I wouldn't dare to say the same about myself as my past is more than questionable). So, if I'm right, this date isn't a malicious trick to capture and kill me. Sounds like a good enough start of a relationship. No. Jokes aside, he wants to know what happened to me that made me try my damn best to help Cassie avoid his pregnancy, and I feel like I should tell him there should be no lies or hidden truth between two people who like each other. It wouldn't work between Cas and Dean if my little bro didn't confess. It didn't work between me and Kali when she thought I was Loki - some of her expections could be fulfilled by tricks but there are some things that Gods have that are irreplacable. Let's just say that she wasn't satisfied with me in bed which, why not admit it, often led to humiliation. I will be honest this time.

It's almost time for me to set off and get my date. I don't have to go. I could stay here. But that would mean staying alone with just my illusions to pretend that I don't care, laugh it off, everything is fine. Again. 

No.

I knocked on the door of his motel room twice as appearing inside would be too weird. He shouted to give him five minutes. This is nerve-racking! Before I got here, I ate three chocolate bars - it helped just a little. I pulled out a pocket mirror to check the state of my hair. Well, good enough. I combed them a bit with my fingers. The door suddenly opened, making me jump. My reflexes were fast enough for me to snap my fingers and make the mirror disappear.

"Saaaaam!" I laughed in a fake confidence. I looked at his hair - pure perfection. "Hey, it's not fair!" I pouted out loud. "You gotta teach me how to tame your hair like that. I mean it. They're swell! Do you have to use conditioner? I haven't tried those but they advertise them a lot on TV and-" His hand touched my shoulder. It cut of my rambling, and I tensed up, searching for his eyes in confusion.

"Thank you, Gabe. I see you're nervous. You don't have to be. Besides, you're looking wonderful. Just relax and enjoy it, okay?" he said, smiling down at me. I must be so out of character when I need a human mortal assuring me to chill out. 

"Sure," I said after taking a deep breath.

His hand left a warm spot on my skin - or it felt like that at least when he pulled it away. I composed myself and grabbed his hand. "I'll lead the way." I flied us on top of a hill overseeing the city. Sam seemed happy about the location (now I kinda get what Castiel meant when he said that Dean's smile can made him feel warm all over his chest). As it was slowly getting dark, the street lamps and houses began to light up. There was a blanket displayed over the green grass, next to it laid a food basket. I motioned him to sit down. For once I didn't want to look like a show off, so instead of snapping the food out of the container I began pulling it out. 

"Oh, wow! It's real food!" Sam smiled. I know what he expected.

"Very funny, Samsquatch," I chuckled sarcastically. "I know you humans serve other stuff than just desserts. But to my defence, as an angel, I'm not supposed to be eating anything at all." We went on with this informal conversation until we felt comfortable around each other. I caught him blushing a few times and bastard as I was, I concentrated hard on the cause that triggered the blushes. Knowing this could come in handy in the future. 

Due to the lack of bottle opener, I was forced to use my powers to open a bottle of wine for us. It actually impressed Sam. He immediately started asking how did I do it. I didn't want to go much into explaining the whole story of how I got involved with Loki and all around it, so I just briefly summed it up.

"I would never use it against you," I assured him promptly. "No one should have the right to abuse their powers, especially not with people that are close to them..." 

"Is that what happened to you?" I let out a sigh and failed not to give him the most pained look my face could manage. His eyes widened. "Oh, I'm sorry! I will stop asking you. I must sound very rude and nosy."

"No, Sam," I said softly. "I know you don't mean it in a bad way. When me and Cassie discussed his situation with Dean, I was so pushy, wanting him to just spill the beans. Now I know why he wouldn't listen to me. And I also know how it ended. I figured it will hurt me less when I say it right away." My mouth was suddenly dry and heart was pounding against my ribcage with the force of a hammer. I'm not even supposed to feel any heart rate! I stared at the city in front of me and thought of the reason why I chose this setting. Come on, Gabriel, he's waiting for you to go on. Just kick it out of you. Can't be that hard...

"So, you're gonna tell me?"

"I'm trying to, okay?!" I snapped at him and instantly regreted it. However, he didn't turn his back on me. Instead, Sam sat closer to me, taking my hand softly into his big paws. I couldn't understand until he said: "I'm here to support you. Whatever happened, I stand by you." I can do this.

I continued to stare at the big city light, until I eventually figured out where to start. "I was pregnant once. When my brother, Michael, found the breeding grace spell, he had to try it on someone to see if it worked. At that time, I was after a break up and tired of shit going on in Heaven which made me lose control. I've been drinking a lot during the day, enjoying a lot of sex during the night - the second was mainly to fix my damaged ego. And so I walk into this bar full of hit chicks, feeling so hazed that I fail to notice they are actually angels. They seduced me. I woke up almost naked in some dirty dungeon with my arms being losely chained to the wall behind me. It didn't take me long to acknowledge the change being made inside my body."

"Weren't they looking for you? Wasn't Cas wondering where you were?" Sam asked.

"No, because that bastard told everyone that I was on a secret mission and to this day, not even Cassie knows what I've been experiencing. Michael paid me visits regularly, spreading my legs with force to check on the fledging in my newly created womb with his own gloved hand. First three months were surprisingly okay. With the fledging inside, I didn't feel alone. But that slowly changed. More and more often I felt these cramps shooting through my belly. Eventually, I couldn't even move as I was in constant pain. There was something wrong with the fledging. It was also growing impossibly fast. I wasn't half-way through the pregnancy and felt like I might burst at any moment. It was corrupted, tearing me from the inside."

I heard Sam's breath hitching ever so silently, but I had to continue telling the story. "Michael had to rip it off of my stomach. When I saw it I- it was an abomination. Much later, it turned out that no archangel is able to give birth to a healthy offspring. I did research and it was thanks to some human genes that angels had which led to my experimenting with the breeding grace. I had every intention to keep it secret, but then Cassie miscarried. He was so scared to get pregnant again, and I knew that Michael was so obsessed by the angel expansion that he would impregnate him by force. I couldn't let that happen. Not after I had to live through it myself. You can probably imagine the rest..." I ran my hand through my hair. There was one last thing on my heart that needed to be released.

I pointed at the lights. "After living through what felt like my personal hell, a punishment for all the things I did wrong, I found this place where I could just sit back and let my imagination overtake. Under every one of these small lights I see a human family. I've been watching humanity for so long and I always adored their concept of family. Each individual has their voice that matters to other members. When one doesn't like something, the rest just don't let that happen. I would like to know how that feels like..." 

In my peripheral view I could see that Sam wasn't looking at the city. He was looking at me. I slowly turned my head to see what was going on. The hunter was in tears. "Don't do this, Sam. I'm no expert, but I would say that I'm probably the one who should be crying right now," I chuckled. Why was he like this? Without any warning, he embraced me. 

"That's so much pain!" Sam sobbed into my shoulder. He pulled away, but his hands locked with mine. "Listen to me carefully, Gabe. If you decide to stay with me, I will do my best to give you the family you want. After hearing your story, I c-can't let you go back to Heaven. Just can't! Not while knowing how they mistreated you. Tell me, will you stay with me?"

I hessitated. Such commitment can have a serious impact on my life. And Sam's life too. What if I'll ruin it by my irresposibility? "I d-don't know," I shook my head. "You're not scared of letting me in? I mean, you still hardly know me! I'm not a reliable person! Sticking with me gets you in trouble! I can't settle so easily. You can end up hurt as I'm too much of an idiot sometimes."

"Stop talking yourself down," Sam said impossibly softly. His hand traced my jawline. I automatically leaned into that gentle touch. "I don't think you will hurt me, so no. I'm not scared of letting you in. We could just try it for a few months."

I bit my lip. You can say yes, Gabe. I'm allowed. And if I say no, Sam will listen and understand. This is my choice. And I choose... "Then yes. I'd like to stay." As I said it, incredibly heavy rock fell off of my heart. I made a decision and it felt fucking awesome. 

It was a bit of a shock when he let go of me and stood up. Was he leaving? Is the date over? Was I ever supposed to agree on staying? "Sam?" I asked in a voice that was shaky from the feeling of betrayal. He noticed it. I took his hand as he offered me it to provide support while getting on my feet. Then he hugged me close.

"Don't worry," he smiled. "I know you might have not notice it with you being an angel and all, but it's getting quite cold." Oh, right. Sam's nose is all red. "I thought we could take all this stuff to the motel. We can warm up there, eat, and get some sleep. If you didn't mind, you could fly us to my apartment in the morning so I could pack up. Then we could go to Dean's and find us a home nearby."

I was bowing down to pick up a bottle of wine, but stopped in the middle of the said action. "What do you mean by home?" 

"I mean a place where we can live together. Somewhere close to Cas and Dean, so you had your beloved brother close to you," Sam smiled again. My reaction must have been fucking infantile as he looked at me as if I was a kid celebrating Christmas for the first time. "You're adorable."

"Shut up," I scoffed, but I was actually happy. 

We put all the stuff into the basket. Only the blanket remained. I have it in my hands. The fabric is pleasant on the skin of my hands. With a snap of my fingers, the blanket flew up and wrapped around Sam's shoulders to warm him up. It cheered him up and he thanked me. I simply nodded with a wink.

Soon we were ready to set off. I flew us to the motel. It was actually super weird. I found myself standing in the middle of the motel room, waiting for the feeling of belonging to come, but it didn't. I am so out of place. There is a bed, but I don't sleep. There's a microwave, but I don't actually eat. There's heating, but I never feel cold... I'm not a human. Sam's no angel... Will this ever work?

I sat down on a chair, fidgeting. Sam was trying to distract me with conversation. I actually had fun with him. On the other hand, there were still insecurities in the back of my head. And they came up bubbling on the surface when Sam striped his t-shirt down with the intention to change into his pajamas. 

No matter how I wanted to tear my eyes off of his bare flat stomach, I couldn't, and my sight stayed fixed there. 

"Enjoying what you see?" Sam chuckled. 

I swallowed down hard. This sort of a "breeding instinct" has been given to all angels without exception. It wasn't unbearable, but enough to make my mind go crazy. I forced my eyes to look up at his amused face. "You would look beautiful is all I can think of right now."

Sam put down the clothes he was preparing for himself. Instead, he sat down on the bed. "Yeah?" he chuckled. "I remember you saying that - and it's not so long ago - we were basically strangers and going with me anywhere didn't sound appealing." He didn't mean it in a bad way. Sam was obviously teasing me. I went to sit down next to him. 

"You have to excuse me. I had nothing and now I would like to have everything at once. I know it's wrong but-" I didn't catch how his hand turned my head by my chin. All I registered was the result - a kiss.

"I never said I won't carry your fledging," Sam shrugged. "Maybe... we could even do twins? Is that possible?" he asked.

"It is possible! You really would do that?!" I exploded with cheer. It would be so beautiful. Two small people running around the yard. Or three if Cas came to visit us! As if I got strucked by a lightning, I threw myself onto Sam's lap, pulling him close into another kiss. My hands roamed up and down his sides. I pulled away eventually so he could breathe. We ended up lying down.

"I said I would do it, but I didn't mean right away, you eager beaver!" he laughed. I rolled myself off of him, sweating from slight embarrassment.

"I got excited," I said as an excuse.

Sam cleared his throat. "Dean said something about the impregnation being very enjoyable. Not that I wanted it, but he went quite into details about how it goes. Will it go the same with you?" Gotcha, Sammy! I see you're tempted. There's no one else who would be as good with temptations as I am. I moved onto my side and hugged him around his waist. 

I looked at him with the biggest and the most confident smirk I could pull off. "I'm an archangel, remember? And a trickster! It will be much more enjoyable," I purred, licking the line of his neck playfully. 

"Could we..." He's blushing. This is going to be so good. "Could we just do it without the impregnation, maybe? I would be much calmer if I already experienced it." He's such a cutie. 

"What wouldn't I do for my date," I winked. In a second, I had my hand on his flat muscular stomach. My eyes flashed with bright blue. My grace of the same color traveled down my arm, getting absorbed by his belly. He started to wiggle under me, but his expression hinted that I was doing my job more than well. I stopped once his stomach started bulging.

"So, Sammy? Do you want me to go on?"

A broken moan escaped his mouth. "I-I never asked you to st-stop," he said shakily. "And d-don't call me Sammy."

"Woah, okay! We'll step on the gas!" I pressed into his forming belly, feeling the grace sloshing and moving under my fingers. This is going to be so much fun. "I swear I will take such a good care of you, gummy bear, that it will make you beg for more." And I did Hell of a good job then.

***

And so ends the story of two filled hunters and fulfilled wishes of angels.