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Chapter Text

It started, as it often does, with Veritaserum, a Gryffindor Party and a game of Truth or Dare.

“I’m still a virgin,” a truth from James Potter.

“You’ve never-“

“Never.”

“With anyone?”

“No.”

“But kissed.”

“Yes, I’ve kissed.”

“With tongue?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

It spread through the castle like a wildfire. James Potter is the popular bloke in the school. He is handsome, rich, smart, captain of the Quidditch team, headboy, and master prankster. He is the perfect mix of hot rebel, fit athlete, and talented wizard.

He is wanted. He is wanted by boys and girls alike, by Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs (by Slytherins, too, though they are less inclined to admit this)

So, the list of people wanting to date James Potter, wanting to snog him and even shag him in front of the entire student body, wanting to claim him, is endless.

Regulus Black put himself at the top of that list.

He sits in the great hall at breakfast, his eyes on James. James sits at the other end of the hall, at his table between Marlene and Peter (possibly the only two people utterly uninterested in shagging him).

“I’m going to fuck him.”

“Who?” Barty asks with his mouth full.

“Potter.”

Barty turns and looks over to the Gryffindors, “That one?”

“Are there other Potters here?”

“I really don’t get what you see in him,” Dorcas says, sitting next to him. She leans over and tries to steal a sausage from his plate, he fends her off with his knife.

“He’s hot,” Regulus says simply, “If anyone takes that boy’s V-card, it will be me.”

Dorcas gives up and leans over the table to try and steal from Barty’s plate.

“What makes you think – hey, give it back, fuckin – what makes you think he’d choose you with all of those girls and boys throwing himself at him like he’s shitting galleons? You’re a bitch, Dorcas.”

Dorcas winks and eats her sausage.

“I’ll find a way to convince him,” Regulus says simply.

Barty rolls his eyes and steals a sausage from Evan’s plate, who lets him.

***

After the Gryffindor’s Quidditch practice Regulus waits by the changing rooms. He waits for the players to pool out until only Potter is missing.

Regulus quickly slips into the changing rooms. He spots James immediately. He stands with his back to him, dressed in a pair of trousers – only a pair of trousers, his hair is wet, and a damp towel lies around his shoulders.

Regulus shuts the door with a click. James turns around. Regulus doesn’t look at his body, he keeps his eyes on his face. He has a handsome face, high cheekbones, a strong chin and a straight nose. His lips are full and rosy.

“Regulus? What are you doing here? Slytherin doesn’t practice today.”

“I know,” Regulus walks over. He walks around him and picks up James’ t-shirt from the bench.

“What do you want?”

Regulus lazily looks into his eyes. They are brown, and warm, like hot chocolate fountains one can dip strawberries into.

“I’m here to offer.”

James frowns, “Offer? Offer what?”

Regulus runs his eyes down James’ exposed body, slowly, with emphasis, “You know.”

James plucks his shirt from Regulus’ hand and puts it on.

“It’s fine, I have a very good memory.”

James shifts under his eyes, not uncomfortably, more annoyed.

“Why you? You don’t even like me. I am your brother’s best friend.”

“So? Doesn’t change anything for me.”

James looks at him confused then crosses his arms in front of him, “Okay, then tell me this: Why would I have sex with you? Do you think I’ve never done it because I didn’t have the chance? Right now, I get offers by the fucking minute, why would I choose you?”

“Simple,” Regulus says and draws closer, “One, I’m better than them, don’t laugh, I am. Feel free to conduct research on this afterwards. Two – that’s my favourite one – I am your friend’s brother. Sirius would faint if he found out and you, my Gryffindor marauder, are nothing if not a thrill chaser, aren’t you? Who else is going to make shagging feel illicit and just dangerous enough?”

Regulus places his hands carefully on James’ shoulders, holding his gaze. James looks back at him. His Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows. His lips part the tiniest bit under his eyes, like he wants to say something, then closes his mouth again.

“And three, I don’t want anything else from you.”

James’ eyelids flutter confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you to be my boyfriend. I don’t want to claim you. I don’t want to parade you around as my shiny little trophy. I don’t want to carry around a sign saying ‘I fucked James Potter’ – none of that. Just you and I, naked. A one-time-thing to remain unacknowledged after. Wherever, whenever you want to.”

It is James’ turn to look him up and down. He looks thoughtful, considering him.

“If not for any of those reasons, what for?”

Regulus shrugs, “Let that be my problem.”

“Will you tell Sirius afterwards so I will have to live in constant fear of his revenge?”

“Would that turn you on?”

James is wisely silent.

“There are a number of possible reasons. Maybe I’m just a slut. Several people would agree with you there. Maybe I like the thrill of an illicit affair as well, shagging my brother’s best friend. Maybe I have a secret collection of V-cards I’d like to expand. Maybe I simply think you’re hot. Maybe it’ll be a hate-fuck. Does it really matter? I’ll be your first, you’ve got that out of the way without any of those trophy hunters winning, and then we simply go on with our lives.”

James rakes his eyes over his body again. He is wearing a black shirt, the first four buttons were undone, the trousers are tight, and silver rings adorn his fingers. He knows he looks good. He plays to his best assets.

“Okay,” James says finally, “I’m in. You won’t brag about getting me laid.”

“I promise. Besides, who would believe me anyway?”

“Alright. I can tell them I’m not a virgin anymore then and maybe everybody backs off.”

“Good, you understood the plan. So, tell me when and where? It’s your first time, not mine, choose a place you’re comfortable in and we won’t be disturbed. That is, if you don’t want to do it right here – I certainly wouldn’t mind.”

James looks around the changing rooms, “Well, there’s no bed in here.”

“Oh,” Regulus puts a hand to his chest, “You are so cute. Sure, choose a room with a bed if you need one.”

“You know, I think I don’t like you,” James says after a pause.

“Good. If you get your friends to go to Hogsmeade without you this weekend and sneak me into Gryffindor Tower I’d lower myself so far as to shag in a Gryffindor bed.”

James’ face is pulled into a smile, he shakes his head. Regulus blinks when he sees it. He has seen James smile a lot, he is constantly smiling. It’s different standing right in front of him. Regulus Black might be a slut for that smile alone.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this. With you of all people.”

“Well, I’m no Lily Evans but I’m a pretty good catch look-wise – I’d say I’m your best option from all the people who were throwing themselves at you so far.”

James looks up into his eyes when he says, “You are. … Meet me in front of the Portrait of the Fat Lady, Saturday at two p.m.”

“Gladly.”

***

Regulus has his own reasons to shag James Potter, of course, he has. He doesn’t have an altruistic bone in his body. He has had a crush on James for years – ever since he had been twelve and played his first quidditch match against him. Every surge of warm and cute feelings he got when looking at the boy was accompanied by hate and anger. That is the bloke his brother Sirius chose over him! He can’t bloody like him. When Regulus got older and James got hotter, Regulus’ feelings and thoughts turned less cute and cuddly. He wanted him to absolutely rail him until he forgot where was up and where was down. His hate and anger partly turned on himself then. It got worse when Sirius ran away from home – ran to James.

Regulus has never fooled himself into thinking he had a chance with James. Popular, hot James, who was in love with Lily Evans for six or seven years while she kept rejecting him. James would never go for someone like him. Regulus made his peace with that. This situation changes things, it changes everything. He knows, nothing will happen further. He was able to promise it because he knew it even before saying it. James wouldn’t go for someone like him, he wouldn’t date him, he wouldn’t love him, never. Regulus will take what he can get. Regulus has spent many meaningless nights with schoolmates, trying to get this crush fucked out of him – it never worked. Maybe James himself can finally get it out of his system.

Regulus is at the portrait hole at 1:55, he doesn’t want to seem too desperate.

The portrait swings aside a few minutes after two and James flushes when he sees him.

“You came.”

“You’re astoundingly perceptive, that’s so hot.”

James seems unsure whether he wants to roll his eyes or smile, so he does both.

“Well, come in… the common room’s almost empty, if we’re fast, no one’s even going to notice you.”

James leads Regulus through the common room. Regulus walks like he belongs here, not trying to hide, nobody pays attention to them.

Upstairs, James closes the room to his dorm behind them and locks the door. He flushes even deeper when he looks at Regulus again.

“Well, this is kind of awkward, isn’t it?”

“Not if you don’t make it awkward. Relax, Potter.” Regulus puts his hand flat on James’ chest and pushes him back against the door. He stands as close in front of him as he can without touching him.

“Call me James,” he whispers. His breath hits Regulus’ face.

“James,” he whispers clearly, “I will kiss you, now, okay?”

“Okay.”

Regulus smiles and leans in.

The first kiss is innocent. Lips touch lips hesitantly. James’ body is rigid with tension. Regulus pulls back the tiniest bit. He relaxes his hand against James’ chest and slides it up until he cups his cheek. He leans in again.

After a few seconds, the tension slowly lessens and James kisses back. Their lips move against each other. It is easy, slow. Regulus slides his other hand into James’ hair.

He slowly deepens the kiss, merely a suggestion for James to accept and respond to. James moves his hands and slowly places them on Regulus’ hips. James’ tension and awkwardness are melting off his body. His lips become soft and giving under Regulus’s.

Regulus parts his lips, offering himself to James. It’s going according to James’ pace. Regulus himself in relishing every second of it. James’ lips are warm and lovely.

At the first hint of tongue, James pulls away. Regulus lets him. He leans in and places his lips innocently on James’ cheek, his jaw, his neck. James takes one hand off his hips and puts it against Regulus’ face redirecting him back to where he can kiss him properly again.

James pulls him closer to him, leaning into the door, while helplessly losing himself in Regulus’ mouth. He is surer now, touches him exploratorily. Regulus gets his knee between James’ legs and James moves against him, barely noticeably, but Regulus’ mind is focused on everything James does, on every single hint of a reaction, of doubt.

Regulus lets James kiss him for as long as he wants to, not taking this further until he gets a sign or permission.

James’s hands are on his sides now, slowly sliding up, over his chest to the buttons of his shirt. He starts fumbling with the first, then pulls impatiently on the others until it falls open underneath his hands.

James breaks away from the kiss to look at him. He blinks a few times when looking at his body. Regulus lets the shirt drop to the floor.

“You’re beautiful,” James breathes out.

Regulus, not having expected this compliment, looks at him surprised. He has been called many things by lovers and ex-lovers, beautiful hasn’t been one of them.

He cannot fight the smile that creeps on his face. He runs his hands down James’ body and pushes up his t-shirt. James pulls it over his head and throws it across the room before eagerly pulling Regulus back in.

His former tension is gone, he lets go of it and simply enjoys Regulus, his hands roaming over his skin, only stopping at his trousers. Regulus does the same. He can still barely comprehend that he has his hands on him – on James Potter.

James kicks off his shoes, Regulus follows his example.

Regulus can feel James’ arousal through his trousers. He likes this, he wants this. A feeling of pride rushes through Regulus. He wants him.

James breaks away again. He lets his head fall back against the door. One of his hands is grabbing Regulus’ side, the other one is at the base of his neck. James is panting slightly.

“Should – Should we go to the bed?”

“If that’s what you want.”

James, momentarily overwhelmed with having to make a decision, is looking from Regulus to the bed and back. He nods. “Yes, yeah, let’s.”

“Okay,” Regulus says simply and brushes their lips together again. He takes James’ hand from his hip and leads him over to the bed he identified as James’s. He spotted his broom underneath it, an extra pair of glasses on the nightstand, a picture of the Gryffindor Quidditch team is pinned on the wall – he almost laughs when he thinks he will fuck James under the eyes of his teammates.

At the bed, Regulus turns them, so James stands in front of his bed. Regulus runs his finger slowly down James’ body. He looks into his eyes. He puts his fingers on James’ belt, searching for a sign of discomfort in James’ face – there is none.

“Okay?”

“Yes,” his voice barely above a whisper.

Regulus keeps looking at him while undoing James’ belt, pulling it away and letting it fall to the ground. He touches the button to his trousers and stops again.

James’ face is almost as scarlet as the curtains around the bed. He nods when Regulus stops. Regulus unbuttons his trousers and pushes them down. They easily slide to the floor. James exhales shakily. As if he wants to take the focus off himself, he kisses Regulus again. His hands drop to open Regulus’ trousers. They are way tighter than James’s (a mistake on Regulus’ part). James makes a noise of frustration when he doesn’t get them off as easily.

Regulus chuckles slightly against James’ lips.

“Don’t laugh at me,” James says, pulling away.

“I’m not laughing at you,” Regulus promises, he pulls away fully and lowers himself on the bed to take off his trousers, “It is perfectly fine to laugh during sex, you know? It’s supposed to be fun.”

“You should get trousers that are less tight.”

“But my ass looks great in these,” he chuckles again when James flushes even deeper. Regulus reaches into the pocket of his trousers and gets out a small package of lube he places discreetly on the bed.

With his trousers off, he reaches out for James to come down to him. James leans over him, his glasses slip down his nose. Regulus smiles and takes them off.

“We should probably put these somewhere safe,” he suggests and places them on the bedside table, having to twist his body and lean away to reach it. When lies underneath James again, his eyes are big and on him.

“What?”

“Nothing, I just – I just thought I should have taken a moment to appreciate you from all sides before taking the glasses off.”

They both laugh this time. Regulus threads his fingers through James’ hair and pulls him down to him. They kiss again and Regulus, daringly, wraps his legs around James’ hips.

James settles against Regulus. The thin fabrics of their pants the only thing between them. He can feel how aroused James is, his cock rubbing against Regulus.

Suddenly, James pulls away again, quickly this time. Something insecure lies on his face.

“James?”

“Can we – can we slow down? Just, take a break?”

Everything in Regulus protests when he unhooks his legs from James. “Sure, your pace.”

James nods and gets off him to sit back on the bed. Regulus props himself up on his elbows to look at him.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, sorry, I’m just…”

“We don’t have to if you changed your mind,” Regulus says and his head, heart, and cock simultaneously scream, NO, you idiot!

“No, I want to, I definitely want to I’m just… I don’t want to be bad at it. I don’t know what to do. Like – I know the mechanics of it, but-“

Regulus moves until he kneels in front of James and presses a finger to his lips. “Shht, you don’t have to worry. Don’t overthink it, James. Don’t think.” He drags his finger over James’ bottom lip, “Don’t think at all. I’ll  show you.”

He leans in slowly and brushes their lips together.

“I didn’t think you’d be like this, to be honest,” James whispers, “I didn’t think you could be like this.”

“Like what?”

He shrugs. “Sweet.”

“Hm. Yeah, if you tell anyone I will kill you.”

James laughs lightly, “That’s more like you.”

He nods. “You Gryffindors are all morons and that you got into this whole mess through a muggle game and a potion only serves you right.”

James smiles and runs his hand through Regulus’ hair.

“And no wonder you make so many stupid decisions, evidence suggests all your potential was put into our cock instead of your head.”

James laughs openly. Regulus doesn’t know about himself, but he knows that is fucking beautiful.

“So, you’re saying I have a big dick, huh?” James smirks.

“I’m saying you’re an idiot with a big dick.”

James kisses him, chuckling against his lips.

“Can you,” he whispers when he pulls back an inch again, “Can you take the lead… show me what to do? I do good with instructions.”

“Okay. Your luck I like taking control in bed. Just tell me when it’s too fast, yeah?”

James nods and whispers, “So sweet,” before kissing him again.

Regulus lets himself be kissed. He gives James a few minutes of this before taking control.

He pushes his own pants down. James breaks the kiss to look at him, then he flushes at his boldness. Regulus plays with the hem of James’ pants before pulling them down.

James’ cock is almost fully erect. Regulus places himself in James’ lap, wrapping his legs around him. Their cocks are pressed against each other. Regulus moves against him, watching James’ reaction. James presses his eyes closed and digs his fingers into Regulus’ side.

Regulus reaches between them and wraps his hand around James’ cock. James sucks in a breath and bites his bottom lip. Regulus brushes his lips against James’s, making him release his lip. Regulus moves his hand along James’ length. He does it slowly, almost agonizingly slow. He feels James’ grip on him tightening, feels his breath fall heavier. Regulus circles the pad of his thumb around the tip. James moans lowly and kisses him.

Regulus moves his hands faster, feeling James moving against him, thrusting up into his hand experimentally. His cock is hard and heavy in his hand.

Regulus wraps his hand around both their cocks now, pushing and rubbing them together. James leans his head back, moaning, while trying to pull Regulus even closer against him. Regulus kisses his neck.

Regulus pulls back from him, getting an unhappy, almost whiny noise out of James. Regulus grins and lies down on the pillow. James watches him, his eyes raking up and down his body. Regulus lets his thighs fall open. James’ breath hitches.

“Come here,” Regulus whispers. James places himself between Regulus’ legs. He kisses him, his body singing with anticipation.

Regulus takes the lube. He breaks the kiss and makes James look at him.

“This is the instructive part of this,” he whispers with a smirk, “When sleeping with men you have to do a bit of preparation work. I guess, with girls, you should do it too, use your fingers on them, I mean. It feels good.”

James looks from his hand down Regulus’ body.

“You don’t have to. I can do it myself, you can watch if you’re into that.”

“I-“ James stops and stares at his body, again overwhelmed with decision-making.

Regulus smiles and kisses the side of his jaw. “I want you to put your fingers into me.” He grazes his teeth along James’ skin. “Fuck me with them, then with your cock.”

James digs his fingertips into Regulus’ thighs and makes a low sound in his throat. He turns his head and catches Regulus’ lips with his own. His tongue slides against his. Regulus shifts underneath him, placing his thighs higher on James’ body and lifting his arse.

James pulls back, eyes dark and lips red. He reaches for the lube. Regulus smirks and squirts some of it on James’ fingers.

Under Regulus’ instruction, James rubs the lube between his fingers. He leans back and hesitantly puts his hands on Regulus’ arse. He squeezes the flesh and pulls his cheeks apart. Regulus lets him experiment and touch as he wishes. James moves his finger over Regulus’ hole, slowly rubbing over it. If it wasn’t his first time, Regulus would think it was payback for how slow he was earlier.

James licks his lips and slowly pushes his finger into Regulus. Regulus takes a deep breath, throwing his head back and humming. James moves his finger inside of him, pulling out and pushing back in. Regulus opens his eyes. James is leaning over him, watching him, looking at him like he is an art installation.

Regulus pulls him down to kiss him again. James is confident in his kisses now. He moves his lips against his, slips his tongue into his mouth. Regulus realises, he kisses and fingers him in the same rhythm, making his entire body respond to it.

“Use a second finger,” Regulus pants somewhere in between.

As long as Regulus takes the lead, James is confident in what he does. He pushes two fingers into him, stretching him. Regulus moans into the kiss. He wraps his legs around James’ hips. His one hand is buried in James’ untameable hair, the other one he moves up and down James’ back, grazing over his skin with his fingernails.

James moves his body against his. Their cocks slide together between them. James moans against Regulus’ lips. It is almost palpable how much James wants him. Regulus wants him, too. Has always wanted him. Having him here, naked and hot against him, craving his body, is almost too much.

Regulus breaks away from the kiss and nudges his knee against James’ arm, so he pulls his fingers out of him. This is enough. If he doesn’t get James’ cock soon, he might go crazy.

James cannot help himself, if not able to kiss him, he applies his mouth to Regulus’ body. He kisses down his neck, along his collarbones and his chest. James pauses and then, teasingly, drags his tongue over Regulus’ nipple.

Regulus gasps surprised. James is looking up at him with a smirk.

“I liked you better as shy virgin,” Regulus lies to his face.

If James’ face wasn’t red already, he’d probably blush deeply at his words. He looks at him nervously.

“Technically, I’m still a virgin.”

Regulus smirks, “Well, then let’s get that technicality out of the way, shall we? Do you have a condom?”

James, way too eager for his own good, moves himself up and reaches for his bedside table. He presents him with the square package.

Regulus smirks, “Do I want to know who you stole this from?”

“Uhm, no, better not.”

Regulus chuckles and James laughs with him. Regulus kisses him playfully and then switched their positions on the bed, so James was lying on his back.

Regulus frees the condom from the wrapper and moves between James’ legs. He takes a moment to mourn the fact that someone else than him will introduce him to blowjobs in the future. He wraps his hand around James’ cock, he holds his gaze while stroking him. He finally applies the condom and coats his cock in lube. James watches him, lips parted, breathing hard and eyes dark.

Regulus straddles his hips now, letting James’ cock slide against his arse. Regulus looks down at him.

“Are you sure you want it like this? Want me?”

To his surprise, James sits up, wrapping his arms around Regulus so he doesn’t fall off.

“Regulus,” he says seriously, “I’m quite sure I’ve never wanted anything more.”

Regulus ignores his heart trying to jump out of his chest. James smiles and kisses him sweetly. Regulus kissed him back for a moment, then he pushes him back on his back.

Regulus reaches behind him and grabs James’ cock again. He lifts his own body and then slowly sinks down on his cock.

James lets out a slow, loud sound of satisfaction. He digs his fingers into Regulus’ thighs. Regulus lowers himself on his cock farther, moaning and cursing while taking him inch by inch. He pauses when he is fully inside of him, breathing heavily and trying to get used to the feeling of James inside of him.

James’ hands, warm and searching, move up his thighs to his hips. He says his name like a plea and a prayer.

Regulus leans back, placing his hands on James’ thighs, balancing his weight. He slowly lifts his body and then moves down again. He watches James, how his fingers dig into Regulus’ skin, how he bites his lip, how his eyebrows shoot up with every thrust. After a few experimental thrusts, he finds a rhythm and picks up his pace.

James' hands are on Regulus’ hips, grabbing him, supporting his movement.

James moans under him, exclaiming curses and praises and saying Regulus’ name.

Regulus could get addicted to the sound of James. How he whispers his name. Regulus one quick breath. Sometimes, he only gets to Re or Reg before being cut off by another moan.

No matter who else James will have after him, these sounds belong to him. Regulus memorizes every single drawn-out moan, every syllable of his name James whispers.

No matter who else James will have after him, all of this belongs to him. The way James touches him, still exploratively, trying to learn and map his body. The way James smiles and laughs. The way James wants him.

Regulus wraps one of his hands around his own cock, getting himself off in rhythm with his thrusts. James’ hand moves over his stomach, over his chest. He rubs his thumb over Regulus’ nipple. Regulus’ breath hitches. James laughs breathlessly under him. Regulus smirks. He rides James relentlessly, panting and moaning in synch with him.

“Regulus,” James gasps, “I’m so close-“

Regulus keeps the pace up. He is out of breath, his thighs hurt quite a bit, and they both built up a layer of sweat – he has never felt better.

James clutches his hips, he thrusts up into him now. His eyes are closed, his moans and groans, quick and deep. He looks fucking hot like this.

“Fuck, James,” Regulus moans, meeting James’ thrusts with his own body.

James presses Regulus down on himself by his hips when he comes. He thrusts up into him a few more times, riding out his orgasm. Regulus moans lowly.

James’s body falls slack. A large grin finds its way to his mouth, his breathing is still heavy. Regulus smiles and lifts himself off James. He whimpers when James’ cock slips out of him. He lies down on top of James.

James reaches down and pulls the condom off, probably tying it and tossing it somewhere on the ground. He wraps his arms around Regulus and pulls him up to him until he can kiss his lips again.

While kissing him, James turns them around, so he lies on top. He runs one hand down Regulus’ body until he can wrap it around Regulus’ still-hard cock.

“What are you doing?” Regulus whispers.

“I want to get you off.” James kisses his neck, sucking on his skin while moving his hand up and down Regulus’ cock. He’s close, too.

Regulus doesn’t have sex like this often, slow and sweet. It surprises him, how he responds when James starts murmuring praises and compliments against his skin. Like he has never craved anything else, his body responds to every “You’re so beautiful” and each “You’re perfect, Regulus.”

He tries to memorize all of it. He tries burning the feel of James’ hands and the sound of his voice into his brain.

Regulus comes while kissing James, spilling over his hand and between their bodies. He moans James’ name into the kiss.

James lies down next to him then. He pulls Regulus in, kisses the side of his face and just basks in the afterglow. Regulus has his eyes on him.

No matter who comes after him, who will claim James as boyfriend, at least Regulus has had this. It can’t be undone, it can’t be replicated.

***

The assortment of hickeys on James’ neck does not stay unnoticed for longer than one meal. Regulus has his marks wisely covered.

The new rumours flood the castle in a matter of hours.

“James Potter has lost his virginity”

“Who fucked James Potter?”

“Who did it?”

“Who got to shag him?”

“Who made those hickeys? Have you seen them? Ruthless.”

“Someone tried to make a point there.”

“Do you think it was Lily?”

“No, it wasn’t me.”

“Who was it? Someone from another house.”

James stays silent through all of this. He wears a persistent, satisfied smirk on his lips.

Regulus keeps his promise of course. He doesn’t go parading with the fact that it was he who got to shag James Potter for the first time. He doesn’t claim him, he doesn’t even look at him or smile at him when they pass each other in the hallway.

He feels James’ eyes on him, though. Every day, through every meal, in the hallways, he knows James is looking at him, trying to catch his eyes, trying to get a smile from him. Regulus keeps his promise. A one-time thing to remain unacknowledged after.

There is of course no need to tell his friends. They knew the minute he came back from James’ dorm.

“This is going to come back to bite you in the ass,” Barty says during supper on Sunday.

“Why would it? Let them scratch each other’s eyes out about who shagged him. They won’t know it was me.”

“No,” Evan agrees, “But with the important one out of the way, he can now plough through those girls and boys one by one.”

Regulus forces himself to shrug. “So? Not my problem.”

Dorcas shakes her head. “Sure, no problem at all. You’ve just been helplessly in love with the bloke for four years. No problem at all.”

“Fuck off. I’m not in love with him. We had a deal. That’s all.”

His friends all exchange a look.

“I knew what I was doing,” Regulus says, “Stop fucking judging me. I know it’s the only thing I’ll ever get from it. I can move on from that whole thing now. He’s just one of many.”

They don’t believe a word of it.

Neither does he.

Chapter Text

James has never paid a lot of mind to his sex life and his virginity.

For him, sex has always had something to do with love. And James has always been in love with just one person – Lily Evans.

A little over a year ago, he accepted that it wouldn’t happen and that they were better off as friends. He doesn’t have feelings for her anymore and that’s fine.

Since then, he has had crushes on people, fancied girls and blokes, but never enough to get beyond a bit of flirting or a first date.

Sex never has been a priority in this for him. He didn’t care he was a virgin – he was only 17 after all – and he didn’t think anyone else would care either.

Then came the party and everybody knew about his lack of experience. Suddenly, it became a challenge.

Who gets to take James‘ virginity? Who wins?

James hated it. He hated how everybody suddenly threw themselves at him - not because they fancied him, but just because they wanted to be the one to brag about getting James into bed.

The surge in interest made him uncomfortable. He just wanted to get it over and done with, so they’d stop talking about it. But he didn’t want anyone to win. He didn’t want someone to walk around the school bragging about it. No matter whether done out of love or not, his first time should be something intimate, not a point on someone else’s bucket list.

And then came Regulus.

James has never paid a lot of attention to him. Regulus is Sirius’ little brother. He was aware of him the way you are aware of your best mate’s little sibling – utterly asexual.

Regulus knew just what to say. What Regulus offered was to get this out of the way without indulging any of the harpies. He wouldn’t brag about it, he wouldn’t tell anyone, he’d pretend it never even happened.

It sounded perfect to James.

It isn’t perfect.

James is in hell.

The sex had been amazing. Regulus was sweet and patient and caring – three things he would have never associated with the boy in this lifetime.

Regulus is fucking perfect. His body is a piece of art. His voice is like music. And his eyes – oh gods, his eyes. James has never seen anyone more beautiful, and he is a fool – a fool – for not seeing it sooner.

The reason James is in hell is simple: Regulus keeps his promise. He acts like it never even happened.

He doesn’t look at him in the great hall, he doesn’t smile back when James smiles at him, he ignores him when he tries to talk to him.

This reaction makes him insecure. Wasn’t it good? Maybe he did something wrong – maybe it was completely bad for Regulus, and he was just friendly-
-no, the conversation they’ve had after-

“Was it… okay?”
A breathless laugh from Regulus, red cheeked and misty eyes. “Fucking okay? It was- You were great.”
“Yeah?” a large grin on his face.
Regulus rolled on his side to look at him. “Yeah.” He touched his face, softly, tracing his cheekbone. “You’re… It was special.”
James didn’t know what he meant. Regulus quickly distracted him with a kiss.

- Regulus doesn’t seem like the type to pay him idle compliments. He liked it – maybe even liked him – so why does he act like he has never even spoken to James?

Of course, James could just leave it be and move on. There are plenty of attractive people who show interest in him – genuine or set off by the latest gossip – James could take one of them out. James could kiss them, sleep with them.

He doesn’t want to. He wants Regulus. He wants that beautiful boy. He wants him in his arms, in his bed. He wants his smile, his voice, his moans, he wants every inch of his body and every part of his mind.

Most of all he needs a chance to inform Regulus about this.

The opportunity arises three weeks later. As head boy, he has to get together with the prefects from time to time. Regulus cannot hide from him then. The sets of prefects from each house sit together in a room with head boy (himself) and head girl (Lily Evans) and talk about wayward students, rounds, and rules. It is all terribly dull.

James barely listens himself; his eyes are glued to Regulus. He sits next to Dorcas, the seventh-year Slytherin prefect. Regulus doesn’t look at him, not once. Dorcas sees James staring, she leans to Regulus and whispers something to him. He lazily kicks against her leg, drawing a smirk from her.

Regulus’ black hair falls in neat waves around his pale face. The contrast from hair to face accentuates his high cheekbones and his profile. James finds his gaze fixed on Regulus’ jawline, just under that point used to sit a tiny dark mark sucked into his marble-like skin by James. James’ gaze drops to Regulus’ hands, adorned with silver and black rings on every finger (he shares this affinity with Sirius). Those hands have been on him. Those hands touched him. They were in his hair, on his back, moved along his face and his chest, wrapped around his cock.

James can feel his face heating up. He looks up from the hands back to Regulus’ face. The rest of his body is hidden from view by clothing. James takes this as a personal attack. Regulus couldn’t be more perfect if he was carved from stone like the statue of David – he outdoes David. Who would have the ludicrous idea of disguising David?

He is elbowed in the side – “James,” Lily hisses.

James looks up at her, blinking confusedly.

“Are you even listening?”

James hears Dorcas giggling somewhere in the back. Lily quickly reminds him of their topic and James says his piece. He has to actively stop himself from looking at Regulus while he speaks to not get distracted.

The room clears quickly when they’re done.

“Regulus,” James can’t help himself, “Could you stay for another minute, I’d like to speak with you… about the rounds.”

Dorcas looks like it costs her a great amount of self-control to not burst out laughing. She whispers something to Regulus and winks at him, then leaves the room.

When they’re alone, Regulus stands up and sits up on the tabletop, at the short end of it.

“You really should get yourself under control. If you keep staring at me like that, you could just wear a sign saying, ‘I got shagged by Regulus Black.’ Maybe you’d remember your duties as headboy then.”

James crosses the room until he stands directly in front of him.

“Sorry,” – a lie - “I just can’t help myself. You’re so beautiful.”

Regulus always has interesting reactions to being called beautiful. The first time, he looked at him surprised, almost shocked, as if not expecting to be complimented like that. It is an atrocity, in James’ eyes. How can anyone allow this boy to walk through life without being told how beautiful he was every day?

Regulus casts his eyes down and fights the small smile wanting to stretch his lips. James kissed him. James had those lips on him. The three weeks between those kisses and now seem endless and like no time at all. He can still taste him as if it was yesterday. But he feels like he has had to live without him for years.

James puts his palm against Regulus’ cheek. He leans in to kiss him, but Regulus puts his hand against James’ chest.

“James,” he says calmly, “What are you doing?”

“I want to kiss you.”

“James,” Regulus says again. James doesn’t like this. He wants Regulus to moan his name again, to whisper it soft and lover-like.

“Please,” James whispers. He takes Regulus’ hand from his chest and kisses the tips of his fingers.

“We had an agreement. I get you once and ask for nothing more in return.”

“Well, I’m asking now. I want to kiss you again, Regulus.”

Regulus looks up at him. “I will not sleep with you again.” It sounds strangely rehearsed, James notes.

“Why not? Didn’t you like it?”

“I did,” he says quickly, then presses his lips together. “You know I did.”

James puts his hands on Regulus’ thighs. He slowly runs them up and down, his fingernails grazing over the fabric of his trousers. Regulus slowly opens his legs, until James can stand between them in front of the table.

“Can I kiss you?” James asks.

“It’s a bad idea.”

“Why? … Do you hate me? Do you refuse to even look at me because you don’t like me, after all?”

Maybe I simply think you’re hot. Maybe it’ll be a hate-fuck. Does it really matter? – that’s what Regulus had said in the changing rooms.

Regulus lets out a breathy, humourless laugh. “Don’t like you? James, if I hated you, I’d fuck your brains out without a second thought. No, I-“ he cuts himself off. He looks at him. James looks back into those beautiful grey eyes. He has storm clouds in his eyes, dark grey and wild, broken up by silver flashes of lightning.

Regulus is grabbing the edge of the table like he is holding on to it for dear life. James waits for Regulus to resume his sentence. He realises Regulus won’t finish it –
- Regulus is kissing him.

James cradles his head and kisses him back. It is just how James remembered. Regulus’ lips fit against his like puzzle pieces. James pulls him closer by the head. Regulus’ lips part under his. James feels his breath against his mouth. He slips his tongue into Regulus’ mouth. Regulus wraps his legs around James.

Regulus pulls away from James and leans back. James, unthinkingly, follows his movement. He doesn’t have enough. He will never get enough of Regulus.

Regulus leans back on the table, propping himself up on his elbows and forearms.

“James, we shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” James whispers.

“You only want this because it’s the only thing you know – but I – it won’t be like that the second time.”

James doesn’t understand.

“I wouldn’t have sex with you the second time the way I did the first time.”

James pushes his glasses up into his hair and brushes his lips against Regulus’ exposed neck. Regulus closes his eyes.

“It was what it was because it was your first time. I’d shatter your image of it. I usually don’t shag like that.”

James hums against Regulus’ neck. It makes no sense to him. He wants Regulus. He wants him in any way, any form he would give himself to him.

“How do you like it, usually?” James carefully balances his weight on Regulus, pushing him down on the table. He kisses the side of his throat. “Faster?”

“Yes,” Regulus whispered.

James slowly rubs his crotch over Regulus’s. His legs tighten around him again. James lightly sucks on his skin.

“Harder?”

“Yes,” he whimpers. His hands are in James’ hair.

James kisses up his neck until he reaches his face again. “I can do that. I can give you whatever you want if you let me.”

James pushes their bodies together. He rocks against him, hard. Regulus sucks in a harsh breath and tugs on James’ hair. James kisses him again.

“Do you really think we shouldn’t?” James whispers when he pulls back. Regulus’ head lies on the table now. He looks at him, then closes his eyes.

“I want you to be shy and awkward again,” he whispers.

“Do you?” James asks with a smirk.

“No. But this…”

James runs his hands down Regulus’ body. He grabs his hip and pushes himself against Regulus’ crotch, drawing a short, low noise from him.

“This what? Do you want it? Do you want me? I want you, Regulus. I wasn’t able to think of anything else for three weeks.”

Regulus looks up at him, his eyes dark, like the sky during a night storm. He brings up his hand to his face and traces it over his cheek and his bottom lip. James kisses his fingers.

“Tell me,” James whispers, “Do you? I won’t do anything you don’t want. Just tell me. But don’t tell me we shouldn’t if you clearly want to.”

Regulus parts his lips to speak then changes his mind again.

“Fuck it. Yes, I fucking want to,” he rasps finally, grabs James’ tie and pulls him down to him to kiss him.

James smiles into the kiss. Regulus kisses him hard, pushing them together as if trying to emphasize his words. Yes, he wants this. He wants this just as much as James.

James holds Regulus’ face, gently brushing his thumbs over his cheeks. He slides their lips together and rocks against him. Regulus hums and deepens the kiss. His perfect hand is in James’ hair. He grabs the glasses James has pushed up and sets them down somewhere above him on the table.

James barely pays attention to this. His hands are loosening Regulus’ tie. His cock is half hard from rubbing against Regulus through their trousers. They have to pull away to pull off the grey jumpers. James finally gets Regulus’ tie off and lets it drop on the floor. Now what stands between him and Regulus’ perfect body is the white dress shirt with the thousand little buttons.

“Fuck, are these uniforms designed to cockblock?” James grumbles. Regulus chuckles, his quick, Seeker-fingers have his shirt and tie off in a matter of seconds.

Regulus kisses James’ neck, down to his collarbone and back up. He pulls James against him and playfully bites and sucks on the sensitive skin of his neck. It doesn’t make the task of unbuttoning the shirt easier. James finally gets to the last button and pushes the shirt from Regulus' shoulders. He pulls back and looks at him.

What has been partially blurred in memories, shifts back into focus.

Fuck Michelangelo’s David. Regulus belongs in a museum. James rakes his gaze over Regulus – his pronounced collar bones, his strong shoulders and arms, shaped by years of Quidditch training, his white skin pulled tight over ribs and his flat stomach. He has a tiny, white scar on his ribs on the left side. James remembers, a few years ago, Regulus was hurt during a quidditch game, a bludger hit him in the ribs and knocked him off the broom. (Sirius later went after the responsible beater with a bat.)

James’ lips follow his eyes. He kisses the scar. He pushes Regulus back on the table and peppers kisses over his stomach down to the waistband of his trousers.

“Do you have lube?”

James freezes and looks up. Of course not. Of course, he hasn’t planned fucking Regulus in some classroom where the prefects met.

Regulus pushes him back and sits up.

“So, you wanted to seduce me but didn’t bring lube in case it actually worked?” A smile dances on his lips.

“Well, I didn’t think about practicalities. I only thought about you.”

The smile slowly drops. He looks at him with the same kind of surprise he showed when James called him beautiful for the first time.

Regulus wraps his arms around him and kisses him deeply.

James may have only had sex once before, but whoever Regulus usually shags, doesn’t do it right.

James runs his nails over Regulus’ back. Regulus pushes open-mouthed kisses against his jaw and his neck.

“It’s fine, we can just snog and meet another time for… the other things.” James whispers. He takes this over any other activity that doesn’t include Regulus. He doesn’t need to shag him, he only needs to be close to him.

“No,” Regulus mumbles in a strange tone. He smiles at him. “I have something I want to do.”

Regulus jumps from the table and pushes against James’ chest, so he stumbles backwards until his back hits the wall.

Regulus kisses him again. James pulls him closer by his hips. He doesn’t know what Regulus has planned, but he will gladly take anything he offers.

Regulus’ tongue slides against James’s. His hands run over his body. He pinches his right nipple. James gasps into the kiss, he can feel Regulus grinning into the kiss. It’s payback for last time. The thought makes him happy – there is a last time, there is this time, there will be next time, and he can draw little references between these experiences.

Regulus’ hands drop to James’ trousers. He frees him of the belt and undoes the buttons. James digs his fingertips into Regulus’ back when Regulus slips his hand into his pants.

Regulus was right, it is different than last time. Regulus doesn’t stop before every new action, doesn’t study his face during all of it to see his reaction. He doesn’t need to. James feels safe with Regulus. He knows, he only had to say it and Regulus would stop.

James doesn’t want Regulus to stop, ever.

Regulus wraps his hand around James’ cock. Regulus momentarily detaches his lips from him. He smiles when James hums lowly. Maybe, he is studying his reaction after all, just differently. Regulus moves his hand up and down James’ length. He teases him, stroking him so slowly, it’s torture. James can feel every ring adorning Regulus’ fingers. He rubs the pad of his thumb around the tip, applying pressure there. James drags his teeth over Regulus’ bottom lip. He pulls his body flush against his own.

Regulus strokes him quicker. James kisses him playfully, biting and licking his lips.

Regulus pulls back after a few minutes. His eyes are dark, his lips red and swollen, he has a red tint to his pale cheeks now and new marks forming on his neck.

“You’re so beautiful,” James whispers. He just can’t help himself. It needs to be said.

Regulus’ eyelids flutter. “James, you’re spoiling me,” he whispers, “What’s your plan, making every other lover pale in comparison to you?”

The mention of other lovers sends a hot surge of jealousy through his body. He doesn’t want anyone else to see Regulus like this. He doesn’t want other men to experience Regulus like this – especially if they don’t treat him the way he deserves it. Every man who doesn’t call him beautiful has no right to touch him.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I want,” James says teasingly. You’re doing the same to me after all, he doesn’t say.

Regulus kisses his lips again, sweet and chaste. He pulls back and smirks.

“I’m actually very glad that I will be the first one to give you this, now,” he whispers, then kisses his neck and slowly sinks to his knees. He looks up at him through long, dark lashes. “I would have been terribly jealous if anyone else would have got to do it before me.”

Regulus pushes James’ trousers and pants down to his ankles. He wraps his hand around his cock again and kisses his stomach.

James stares down at him. He hasn’t expected this, and his brain is malfunctioning at the moment.

Is this-
- is this really happening?

Will Regulus Black use that beautiful mouth on him like this? James feels his face heating up. His cock is hard in Regulus’ soft hands.

Regulus is looking up at him, storm-grey eyes holding his gaze. He strokes his cock next to his perfect face, waiting.

“Yes?” Regulus asks carefully.

“Yes,” James’ voice almost gives out.

Regulus licks his lips.

He kneels in front of his cock. Teasingly, he circles his tongue around the tip.

Through a truly impressive display of self-restraint, James doesn’t come at the sight alone.

James’ hands are pressed flat against the wall. He moans, perhaps too loudly, when Regulus licks his length from base to tip.

He uses his hand again, stroking him slowly. Regulus’ breath hits the tip. James feels like his senses are heightened. Everywhere Regulus touches him, no matter how teasingly minimal the contact, it feels like a series of tiny explosions on his skin.

Regulus wraps his lips around the head, circling it with his tongue. James whispers his name, followed by a dragged-out moan when Regulus takes him deeper into his mouth.

James leans his head back. He feels Regulus’ lips tightly around him, sliding up and down his cock. He uses his hand to massage his balls, eliciting a series of curses and groans from James. Regulus moves in a quick rhythm. He takes him in as far as he can, sucks him, and swallows around him.

“Oh, fuck, gods, yes, Regulus,”

James is sweating, his self-control slowly melting away. His body doesn’t respond to his brain anymore, only to what Regulus does to him. He’s drunk on the feeling.

He throws his head back in pleasure, bumping it hard against the wall behind him. “Fuck, ow!”

Regulus pulls back and uses his hand on him again. He looks at him with a searching look, then laughs lightly when he realises what happened. James laughs with him, breathlessly.

James looks down at him, his lips swollen and glistening, the lower half of his face wet. His skin is flushed, blotches of red on his cheeks and his neck and chest. He looks up at him, a tempest behind long lashes.

James reaches out and pushes his hand into Regulus’ hair. He pushes the curls out of Regulus’ face.

“You’re fucking perfect,” He pants.

Regulus smiles and leans in again. He tongues the head while looking at him provocatively. He drags his tongue along the length, then parts his lips again, letting James’ cock slide into his mouth.

James watches him. Regulus has his eyes downcast again. James’ cock disappears behind his tightened lips. James tugs lightly on his hair, the black curls soft in his fingers. The heat of Regulus’ mouth sends ripples of pleasure through James’ body. His heart is racing in his chest when he looks down at him.

Giving his body over to Regulus and the pleasure he gives him, he bucks his hips, pushing his cock into his mouth unthinkingly. Regulus pinches the back of his thigh. James stills his hips.

“Sorry,” he whispers. Regulus relaxes his hand against his thigh, raking his nails over his skin while going back to sucking him.

He hollows his cheeks, his other hand still massaging his balls.

James is close. His breath comes in quick gasps. The relentless rhythm bringing him closer to the edge.

James has half a mind to ask himself, whether he can come in Regulus’ mouth. He should have asked that beforehand.

“Reg- I’m – Fuck, I’m going to come.”

Regulus doesn’t pull away. He pulls back until only the tip is past his lips, he tongues the slit, then circles around the head again.

James comes in his mouth, his orgasm hitting him like the strikes of lightning in Regulus’ stormy eyes. He moans Regulus’ name over and over until it becomes a little whisper on his lips.

Regulus pulls back from him. James watches him swallowing – he’s not too sure why it turns him on as much as it does.

Regulus sits on his knee, panting. James slides down the wall until he sits in front of him.

Regulus licks his lips and then drags his thumb over his bottom lip. James leans over to him and kisses him. When he leans back, Regulus looks at him surprised, as if he didn’t expect to be kissed after what he has just done. James kisses him again.

He pulls Regulus into his arms until he can lean against the wall again. James runs his hand down Regulus’ flushed body until he reaches his trousers.

Regulus pulls back and calmly pushes James’ hand away.

“Don’t you want me to-“

“No,” Regulus says quietly. He pushes three kisses on his lips, sweet like a parting gift before he stands up and picks up his shirt.

James pulls his pants and trousers back up.

Regulus starts closing the buttons on his shirt.

“We could go to my dorm,” James says, watching him. He doesn’t want it to end yet. He wants to curl up with Regulus somewhere private.

Regulus looks at him with a humourless smile. “You look like you’ve had enough for today.”

“Of you? Never.”

He stills for a second, blinks and then looks away, closing the last buttons of his shirt.

“We don’t have to shag, you know. We can just… talk.”

“Talk? What would we have to talk about?”

“I don’t know. Anything you want. Tell me something about yourself, random stuff like, what’s your favourite quidditch team?”

Regulus frowns at him. “I- I should go. I have… something to do.”

“Oh,” James says disappointedly, “When can I see you again? You can’t let me go through three weeks like that again.”

“We’re not going to repeat this.” Regulus picks up his jumper.

“What? Why? You said, you liked it the first time.”

“Yes. I also said, I usually don’t shag like that.”

James stands up. “So? I’m a quick learner. I’d have you any way you want, Regulus. I want to be with you… I like you.”

Regulus snorts – James’ jaw tightens.

“You don’t like me. You don’t know me.”

“Alright, then let me know you.”

Regulus shakes his head. He still refuses to look at him. “Listen, you’re just… confused. I was your first, you liked it, you want to repeat it. You want me, because you know how it is with me. It’ll wear off.”

The words feel like a slap to the face. “Wear off?”

“Yes. The novelty of it will wear off. It’s not me you want, it’s the sex. You can have that with anyone. They’re still forming a line from here to London to shag you. Take one or two others to bed and you’ll see, it’s not me.”

“You’re wrong,” James insists.

“Am I? You would know of course, being so experienced in love, sex, and relationships.”

“That’s unfair.”

“No. You’re unfair,” Regulus looks at him now. He bites his lip and then continues. “You’re confusing your first taste of cock with some kind of intimate connection between us. I tell you how this would go: You drag me to your dorm a couple of times, fuck me, kiss me and pay me some compliments. Then, eventually, the novelty of it wears off. You remember, you don’t know me. You don’t like me. You’ve said it yourself in the changing rooms: You don’t like me. And why would you? I’m Sirius’ little, mean brother, nothing more. You’ll remember that and then move on. You’ll shag others, realise I’ve been right the entire time, and you throw me away like a used condom. – To that I can only say: No thank you. But I promise, if I ever misplace my dignity, I’ll come back around.”

James stares at him, too stunned to say anything, to stop him or even say his name, when Regulus grabs the rest of his things and leaves the room.

What just happened? It was all beautiful and intimate – and now he feels like he made a crucial mistake somewhere. He must have missed something. All he wanted was to hold Regulus in his arms right now and Regulus -
He seemed angry. He looked hurt.

James looks around the empty classroom. It smells like sweat and sex. He opens the windows and gets dressed. He puts his glasses back on and notices something on the ground, a green and white striped tie – Regulus’ tie.

If he wasn’t so drained of energy, he’d perhaps run after Regulus. Or maybe he’d cry. He can’t help the painful feeling in his chest. Regulus brushing him off, rejecting him-
-If I ever misplace my dignity, I’ll come back around-
-it hurts.

One might think, if someone was rejected as often as James has been rejected by Lily, he’d get used to it.

But certain novelties never wear off.

***

It is worse than before. It’s been a few days since Regulus walked out on him in that classroom. Now, Regulus makes a point out of not even looking in his direction. He turns his face when they pass each other in the hallways, he sits with his back to him in the great hall. Not even his friends whisper and giggle anymore when they see James staring.

James sits in his common room, wallowing in self-pity and staring into the fire.

He hears heavy boots running on the staircase to the boy’s dorms first, then Sirius’ yelling: “James fucking Potter – where the fuck are you?!”

Everyone in the common room looks up when Sirius bolts into the common room, Remus following behind him, calling his name and trying – and failing – to calm him down.

Sirius comes to a halt in front of James. He stares up at his friend confused.

“What is happening?” James asks Remus.

“I just found this under your pillow,” Sirius exclaims – he holds Regulus’ tie in his hand. James feels his face turn hot and cold at the same time. “What the fuck does my little brother’s tie do under your fucking pillow?”

Sirius is loud enough for the entire tower to hear. James cringes. He is painfully aware of the two dozen eyes on them.

“Sirius, can we not do this here?”

Remus reaches out for Sirius’ arm. “Sirius, calm down, this isn’t the place or time-“

“Not the place or time? He keeps it under his pillow – what do you think he does with it? What are you doing with it James? Not the place or time – I am not the inappropriate one here!”

The other students in the room start whispering now.

“Did Regulus Black shag him?”

“Did James lose his virginity to Baby Black?”

“All those hickeys – by a snake?”

James can make out the mumbled words somewhere in the room. He balls his hands into fists – it is none of their business. None.

Sirius notices the look on his face, he looks around the room as if he notices the people for the first time.

“How could you do this, James?” he hisses in a hushed tone now, “He’s my little brother. Fuck – let’s go upstairs.”

James stands up slowly, his face is burning.

Then a sixth-year boy starts to talk. “Well, it’s hardly that much of a surprise. He’s got a reputation.”

Sirius stares at him. “The fuck did you just say?” He is about to tackle the boy, but Remus holds him back.

“I’m just saying, it’s not like Regulus was the virgin in that scenario. He’s called the Slut of Slytherin Dungeon for a reason-“

Remus lets go of Sirius. Sirius is across the room in an instant, wand raised and boring into the skin under the boys’ chin. James has the intense urge to throw the boy out of a window.

He raises his hands. “Whoa, sorry, I’m not calling him that. I’ve got a friend in Slytherin – he slept with your brother. He bet it was Regulus who shagged James because Regulus has that kind of reputation.”

“If you say one more word about my brother, I will bloody murder you.”

The boy sinks into himself in his chair, looking away.

“It’s true,” Fabian Prewet says from the other side of the room. “Though, he doesn’t have the reputation of a slut. He’s the heartbreaker of that dungeon. Shags boys and then drops them, if they try to convince him to give him another chance, he shatters their self esteem with mere words and a look. Ask Gideon.”

Gideon, Fabian’s brother, slaps his arm and hisses: “Are you mad? Do you want him to kill me?”

“You slept with Regulus, too?” Sirius yelled.

Gideon startles out of his seat, ready to run if need be. “Only once, I swear. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, only once, then it’s fine, of course – I will slit your fucking throat only once, too! Anybody else? Who else has something to say about my brother?”

The common room is silent. Most students are smart enough to look away and pretend to focus on schoolwork.

“James, to the dorm. Now.”

The verbal lashing, he receives in their dorm doesn’t hurt half as much as Regulus’ words had. It doesn’t hurt half as much as hearing his housemates talking about Regulus like that – the slut of Slytherin Dungeon. Heartbreaker.

At one point, after the hundredth “How could you? How could you use him like that?” James had enough.

“I didn’t use him! He approached me. And I – I wanted more. I like him – I wanted more than this – being no different from Gideon and whoever else. He rejected me. You think your tirade can impress me? Regulus has already said the worst possible things to me.”

Sirius falls silent at that. He doesn’t bother him further about it.

Chapter Text

Regulus takes his clothes up from the ground and gets dressed. The other boy watches him from the bed, still naked.

“You’re as good as everyone says,” he says with a smirk.

Regulus grimaces. His sentence leaves him with a feeling of dissatisfaction and distaste.

It isn’t You’re beautiful. It isn’t You’re perfect.

- James fucking spoiled him. One fuck and a blowjob and he is ruined for every other man. How would they ever reach him? It’s impossible.

“Hey,” the naked boy says, almost sounding disinterested, “Is it true what they’re saying about you and Potter?”

Regulus stops dead in his tracks. Very slowly, he turns around.

“What are they saying about me and Potter?”

“You shagged him,” he shrugged, “Took his v-card. I’d sleep with one eye open, if I was you. Those jealous bitches might try to scratch your eyes out in your sleep.”

They know. Has James told someone?

“Thanks for the advice,” he mutters and leaves the room.

They know. Everyone knows. The entire following week he cannot walk five feet without hearing someone whisper – That’s Regulus Black. He shagged James Potter. Yes, the Slytherin who forced himself on James, disgusting. I’ve heard, James said “no” a dozen times at first – He just wouldn’t let go, what a wanker.

Sirius decided to get himself involved and threaten people who dared to speak about him – it made it worse.

Regulus seriously wonders when this school turned into gossip heaven.

He sits at supper with his friends.

“I’ve told you it would come back to bite you in the arse,” Dorcas says, picking pasta from his plate.

“Yes, okay, it was a bad plan, you won, congratulations.”

“If Potter is fuelling all these rumours, he’s a wanker and you’re better off without him,” Barty says. He grabs Evan’s glass to drink from his pumpkin juice.

“He wouldn’t do that,” Regulus mumbles.

“Did you talk to him?” Dorcas asks, “Since the thing in the classroom.”

“No. And I don’t plan to.”

“What if,” Evan steals a chip from Barty’s plate, who slaps his hand in response, “You just tell him you’re head over heels in love with him and see what happens?”

“Yeah, I’d rather die. Thanks.”

“He’s got a point. You said that James said, he wanted you. You want him, too. If you start dating him, the rumours will stop.”

“They won’t. Can you imagine what happens if I, the snake slut, take their perfect head boy off the market? I’d be dead within a week. Besides, James doesn’t know what he wants. He only had me so far, of course he still wants me.”

Barty hums, “Ah, yes, the first. The first one will always be special but just because it was great doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together. Regulus and I will always have a special place in each other’s hearts, you don’t think we should date again because of that, do you?”

“No,” Evan says with a smirk and steals another chip.

Regulus pushes his plate to Dorcas. “I’m not hungry. I go back to the dorm, see you later.”

“You didn’t eat anything,” she complains.

Regulus ignores her and leaves the great hall. He goes downstairs to the dungeons. He passes a few empty corridors and then hears someone walking briskly towards him from behind.

Regulus suddenly stops and turns around, causing James to almost run into him. He catches himself in front of Regulus.

“What do you want?” he asks harshly.

“Can we talk? Please?”

“No.”

“Regulus-“

“I think everything that needed to be said, has been said.”

“You’re wrong. Please just-“ he sighs, grabs his arm and yanks him into a short corridor, leading to supply closets. He pushes him against the wall.

He is too close. Regulus cannot control himself, he can’t think when he is so close.

“What do you want?” he repeats, leaning his head against the wall.

“I want you to go out with me.”

Regulus has expected a lot of things – not this. He looks at him.

“What?”

“Go on a date with me. Let me get to know you. You say I don’t know you, you’re right. You say, it’ll wear off, you’re wrong. I want you. You. Not just your body, not just shagging – you.”

Regulus looks away again. “There’s an error in your thinking. How can you want me if you don’t know me?”

“You could give me a bloody chance to know you.”

“No.”

“Why not? Am I supposed to believe that you don’t like me? Was it all an act between us?”

“An act? It was a fuck and a blowjob, get over yourself-“

“No. It was more than that. You know it was more. Go on, look at me. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t like me. – You don’t want me.”

Regulus looks up at him. He tries to get his mouth around the words. His eyes are warm, like hot chocolate, and so filled with hope.

“I won’t go out with you,” he says.

“That’s not what I asked. So, you do want me-“

Regulus grunts in frustration. “Have you fucking listened to a single word I’ve said the last time we spoke? You think going on a fucking date to Hogsmeade with me changes anything? It will still go down the same way. You’ll lose interest in me in a flash, drop me and get your fun with someone else. I’m not up for that.”

James shakes his head. “That’s life, Regulus. Relationships come and go, are you going to avoid them altogether just because they might end?”

“No. Just with you.”

“Why?” he sounds truly desperate now.

Because I’m in love with you. Because you’re hot, smart, popular James fucking Potter who can have anyone. Because no matter what comes in between, I won’t have you. You will get a girlfriend who’s like you, you’ll get married just after Hogwarts and have a litter of popular, rich babies.

Because you will break my fucking heart. If I get to have you just to be left for someone like that, I will never be happy again. You would shatter me. You’d shatter me into a million little pieces, and you wouldn’t even know.

“Because,” he exhales shakily and looks at him, “You are James Potter: popular, loved by everyone, hot and handsome, talented and smart. Head boy. Quidditch captain. Marauder. And what am I? Haven’t you heard? I’m the Slut of Slytherin Dungeon. I’m the boy whore who took perfect James Potter’s virginity. I’m the snake who forced himself on you.”

James’ bottom lip quivers. He looks away in shame and anger.

“I told them to stop. I told them not to say-“

“You failed. It proves one thing: We don’t work. We’re not meant to have anything do with each other, we never were. Everyone else knows it. Everyone else sees it. They’re right. I seduced you with my well-practiced whore mouth and you’ve fallen for all my Slytherin tricks. You just got to stick your dick into someone respectable, someone as perfect as you. You’ll see, it’s all the same. It’s just sex. I only stand out because I’m the only one and because I was the first.”

James clenches his jaw. He looks at him again. “So, what do you want me to do? Fuck every seventh-year in the castle just to report back to you that you’re special? I’ll do it. Is that what you want? I’ll go on, shag some people, get some practice in, and then come back to you to tell you, it didn’t wear off and I still want you. Will you have me then?”

Regulus shakes his head. “I’m not going to promise you me as reward. I’m not that much of a slut, despite what you might think.”

“I don’t think you’re a slut.”

“Oh, don’t you?”

“No. I think you’re beautiful. I think you’re perfect. I think you can shag whoever you want to. But you can’t tell me what I will do. You can’t tell me I will treat you like rubbish. I won’t. I would never. No matter what would happen between us, I would never throw you away, mistreat you, or just go on shagging someone else. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says about you and me. I care what you say. I care what you think. – and I care a fuck lot that all you have to say to me right now is offensive and judgy and fucking hurtful-“

“Yeah? Welcome to my life,” he yells at him, “What do you think I had to listen to the past weeks? Do you think I like that? What you and I had – whatever it may have been – got taken and twisted into something disgusting and perverted! I forced myself on you. I coerced you. I tricked you. I stole you.”

The emotions hit him unexpectedly. He had barely let the words touch him when he heard them but now – standing in front of James, he isn’t able to think about their time together without hearing those words. The sex with James was easily the best he ever had, not because of skill, but because it was James. – it turned into something grotesque in the words of gossip.

All anger is gone from James’ face. He looks at him softly. He reaches out to touch his face, catching a stray tear. Regulus pushes his arm away.

“Let me,” he hisses, “You’re only thinking about yourself. You want me, so I have to comply no matter what I might be feeling? Fuck you. Just do me a favour and fuck someone else. Give them something else – someone else – to talk about. Get me out of your system. And leave me the fuck alone.”

He pushes James away, he doesn’t fight back. Regulus leaves for his dorm, tears running down his cheeks uncontrollably.

Maybe, he thinks, James has shattered him already, and neither of them has noticed.

***

Seeing Regulus cry was heartbreaking. James could feel his heart pull and tear at the sight of it.

I did that, he had thought then. When he went back to his common room, his eyes red and cheeks wet, he looked into the faces of his housemates, watching him and judging him. They did that, he thought then.

It’s been two months since then.

He has left Regulus alone. He still wants him.

He knows, it isn’t love. He doesn’t know Regulus well enough for it to be love. He hasn’t spent enough time with Regulus for it to be love. But what he feels for Regulus is that blessed, bright feeling just before love. The feeling of liking someone in that particular way that can turn into real love with just a small amount of time together.

He knows many things about Regulus, albeit not because Regulus has told him them himself. James has learned them over the years. He knows that Sirius’ little brother doesn’t like Quidditch. He loves playing, he is an excellent seeker, but he doesn’t like the sport. He knows Regulus likes silver jewellery over gold because it matches his aesthetic, Sirius told him this when he tried to find a birthday present for his brother last year. He knows, Regulus adores his friends, he knows his favourite food is lemon drizzle because it is the only thing he doesn’t let his friends steal from his plate under the threat of death.

He knows the rhythm of his breathing. He knows his confidence and his shyness, he knows his voice. He knows his laugh, his smile, his moans. He knows him mean, he knows him sweet and caring. He knows Regulus would never – never – force himself on anyone. He is incredibly careful with that. He is a very generous lover. James knows, he isn’t called beautiful often enough.

James wants to know everything about Regulus, every last scrap. The fact that he won’t let him is heartbreaking. It is heartbreaking enough for James to know, it would be love if Regulus let himself be loved by him.

Despite all this, he respected Regulus’ wish. He left him alone. He took others to bed.

It was different than sleeping with Regulus – of course, it was. Every single person was different. Sleeping with boys is different from sleeping with girls. One girl to the other is a completely new experience. He would feel bad, pitting them against each other and creating a sort of ranking. He feels bad enough for sleeping with them when he knows, he doesn’t have feelings for them. They didn’t seem to mind. He told each of them beforehand that it would be a one-time thing and they seemed fine with that. One of the girls made a scene two days afterwards. James wasn’t phased by it. It sparked new gossip. The heat has been taken off Regulus since then. James is glad about that.

Altogether, he is confident in his assessment that Regulus was wrong. It didn’t wear off. He still wants him. He still thinks about him all the time.

He tried talking to Sirius about it once. “No. No way. Swore to Reggie I wouldn’t get in the middle. And I confide in Moony, so you can’t talk to him either,” He had said and then provided him with Peter, so he could talk to him about all of this. Peter, as much as James loves him as a friend, isn’t much of help when it comes to stuff like this.

James just wishes he could sit down with Regulus, erase all that has happened around them, and just talk about their feeling. It seems impossible.

He should have done it differently right from the beginning. After that first time in his dorm, he should have said something like -
“Would you like to go out with me?” “That was amazing, you are so different than I thought, I want to get to know you better”

Just something. Or maybe in the classroom. Instead of getting blown by Regulus, he should have convinced him to go somewhere else with him.

Unless he gets a time-turner, he has to fix this some other way.

James wanders into the library, expecting to meet Lily and Remus to study with them. Instead, his eyes fall on a table with Dorcas, Barty, Evan, and Regulus.

Regulus looks exceptionally beautiful today. – Maybe it is the contrast to how he has looked the days and weeks following the rumours about the two of them. Today, his black hair is perfectly in place, his skin looks healthy, though pale, and he smiles, even.

James is at their table before even deciding to come over.

The four look up at him and fall silent.

Regulus looks at him shortly and then averts his gaze.

“Potter,” Barty exclaims after an uncomfortable stretch of silence, “Heard a lot about you, don’t think we’ve been introduced yet. Barty.”

“I know who you are.”

Barty smirks, “Hm, and I know who you are. Clear something up for me, I’ve heard from one source that it’s ten inches. Another one said it’s eight. Regulus refuses to tell me what is true.”

Regulus kicks Barty under the table. James ignores him entirely.

“Regulus, can we… talk?”

James can see, how Regulus digs his fingers into his arms. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“Well, I do. … It hasn’t worn off yet, in case you wondered.”

“A pity.”

Barty hums, “Maybe you should fuck some more of those slags saying all those nice things about our Reggie. That would be grand.”

James glares at him furiously. The Black Brothers are known for their death stares – at this moment, James’ stare makes for decent competition.

Barty smirks. He lazily trails his fingers over James’ hand on the table. “Oh, alright. I get it now, Regulus. He is hot. Well, you can fuck me, too. You’re not picky, I’ve heard. I mean, we sort of have to, now. I was Reggie’s first. He was your first. Maybe you’ll be the first one to top me. We’d go full circle.”

James wants to wipe that smug smile off Barty’s face. Evan, who sits next to Barty, rolls his eyes.

Regulus stands up. “I have to go, prefect duties. I wouldn’t get my hopes up, Potter, Barty lets Evan top him all the time. Bye.”

When Regulus walks away, James turns to follow him. Barty grabs his wrist and keeps him in place.

“Not so fast.” The change in his voice from teasing to serious is startling. Barty kicks Regulus’ empty chair back. “Sit.”

Dorcas, sitting next to the empty chair, pulls it out further, for James to sit. James sits.

“We need to tell you something about Regulus,” Barty says. He makes a dramatic pause. “He is an idiot.”

“He’s stupid as hell,” Dorcas agrees.

“Very intelligent,” Evan says, “But dumb.”

James looks from one friend to the other. “Okay, you lost me.”

“You need to stop shagging other people,” Evan says, “It makes him jealous and sad and angry. He smashed a mirror the other day by throwing a shoe against it. It’s scary to live with him at this point.”

Barty rolls his eyes. “It isn’t that bad. That with the mirror was an accident. But yes, you need to stop sleeping around immediately.”

“Believe me, I’d much rather be with Regulus, but he told me-“

“Yes, you remember five seconds ago when we said, he’s bone-dead stupid?” Dorcas interrupts him.

“He is in love with you,” Evan says.

“Fuck knows why,” Barty adds.

James blinks at Evan. “In love?” he repeats quietly.

“Yes, has been for years. Since he was a little boy. He also hated your guts – it’s always been a weird dynamic. But he and Sirius are on better terms since the beginning of the year, I think that cleared up some of that conflict.” Dorcas shrugs.

“Whatever. We’re not here to analyse what is wrong with Regulus’ taste in men – we do that on Tuesdays, only. There’s a list. The point is, he’s in love with you, so you need to stop sleeping around and love him back.” Barty explains.

James blinks a few times, trying to take it all in.

“If he’s in love with me, why did he reject me? I asked him on a date, even, and he didn’t want to. He is always saying how me liking him is only because he’s been my first and it’ll wear off and I will just throw him away like dirt.”

“This is like talking to a brick wall,” Barty complains to Evan.

Dorcas turns his chair to her, “This is where we get back to Regulus being an idiot.”

“You two will make one hell of a pair,” – Barty.

“He thinks he isn’t good enough for you,” Dorcas continues, she says it softly like the thought makes her sad, “He thinks someone like you could never love someone like him.”

James looks at her. The thought of Regulus thinking like this about himself pulls on his heart again. “But… but he’s perfect.”

Barty clutches his chest theatrically, “Ugh, no wonder he fell for you. How poetic. I’m just realising I put way too much effort into flirting with him back then.”

Dorcas ignores him entirely. “Look, Regulus is used to being the second choice, okay? He only got attention from his parents when Sirius acted out too much. Sirius chose you over him. Early friends, other crushes, it was always someone else and if they weren’t available, they turned to him – just to ditch him again when the number one came back. He relived that every year at the end of the winter and summer break with Sirius. He is just waiting for your first choice to come along. Someone who is like you – the hot and popular rebellious head boy. He thinks you will inevitably end up with someone like that.”

“He doesn’t want to get his heart broken. It’s why he never keeps a lover around for long. And he especially doesn’t want to get his heart broken by you,” Evan sums it up, “He’s terrified of that. He rather pushes you away and doesn’t have you at all, than having you for a time and ending up being left for someone else.”

“He fucked you, because he thought it would be the only time you’d ever have him,” Barty says, “A neat, faulty, stupid plan of his. He has a lot of those, we discuss that every second Thursday, you’re invited.”

James slumps back in his chair.

“The thing is, I can’t promise him it will last forever. How could I promise that? I won’t lie to him.”

“You don’t have to,” Dorcas shakes her head.

“Then how do I convince him to give me a chance? I’ve told him I want him. I’ve asked him on a date. I’ve told him I would never treat him badly and leave him for someone else. He told me to shag someone else to get him out of my system.”

“As we’ve said: Idiot. We’re honestly at a loss, too. Just talk to him again. Make him talk to you again. Show him you understand him.”

Barty sighs. “Just, fix it. But don’t just shag him again and think it solves everything. He can shag anyone, he’s quite wanted in that department. Prove, you want more.”

Dorcas pulls back the chair again, signalling for James to leave.

“You mean now?”

“What are you waiting for? Got someone else to shag first? Lily Evans maybe? That’d break his heart clean through,” Barty says and then seriously, “To be clear, you hurt him, we will come after you. Go.”

James stands up. “And where did he go?”

“I’d try the Dungeons. The password is Dragonprick.” Dorcas puts the chair back into place and then turns away as if this conversation has never happened.

James gets the map from Remus and then rushes off to the dungeons. Regulus isn’t in his dorm. He is in another dorm with a bloke called Nik Lotts. James doesn’t know him, he thinks he’s a fifth-grader.

James strides through the Slytherin common room. He barely pays attention to the room or the people, several students question him. “Head boy business,” is all he says and pushes past them to the boys' dorms.

He feels sorry for Lotts when he barges into the dorm. Regulus’ shirt is off, he is kissing the boy. Lotts yelps and pulls away staring at James. Regulus turns around confused.

“Hi, terribly sorry to interrupt,” he lies, “Regulus, I need to talk to you.”

Regulus stares at him. “What on earth are you doing here? Go away.”

“No. Regulus, please,” he looks at Regulus intently, “Please.”

Regulus picks up his shirt and mumbles an apology to Lotts. The boy, mortified and red-faced, just nods.

James takes Regulus back to the room he shares with Barty and Evan.

“This really is a new level of audacity,” Regulus loudly throws the door shut.

James looks at him, his shirt unbuttoned and merely thrown over his shoulders, his robes and jumper are balled in his hands. This feels unbalanced.

“Do you want to get dressed properly?”

Regulus scoffs. “Suddenly you don’t want to see me naked anymore?”

“Not for this.”

Regulus gives him a strange look, then he closes his shirt and pulls the Slytherin jumper over it. “Happy?”

As a rule, James is always less happy, the more clothes Regulus is wearing.

James looks around the room. He knows which one is Regulus’ bed at first glance. It is neatly done, a stack of books on the bedside table, colourful notes and papers sticking out of the pages. A nail is driven into one post of the bed and three necklaces hang on it, the pendants dangling over the right top corner of the bed. James knows one of the necklaces because it used to belong to Sirius.

James sits down on the bed and pads the space next to him. “Sit down.”

Regulus clicks his tongue. “Are you going to beg me? This time you’re the one to go to his knees?”

“I would. Can you drop it? Sit down, talk to me.”

“About what? Aren’t you tired of having the same conversation over and over again?”

“I am. Sit down.”

Regulus regards him for a moment, then sits down at the far end of the bed.

“So, you fucked others, and you told me it didn’t wear off yet so now you can shag me again. That was your deal, wasn’t it? You shagged Gideon, right? Do I owe you one fuck for each? Emmeline, Sophie, Gillian-”

“Stop. You told me to sleep with other people. I tend to do what you tell me to, it usually ends well for me. If you had wanted me all to yourself, you should have just said so.”

Regulus doesn’t say anything, just looks away from him. James scoots closer to him on the bedding.

“Do you love me?”

He can see how his entire body tenses up.

“Your friends said you do. They said many thing and none of that make any sense to me, Regulus. Why are you doing this to us? You’re hurting me. You’re hurting yourself. For what?”

Regulus shakes his head. “I will bloody murder them. Just stop, James, you don’t understand this.”

“No, I don’t. I don’t understand it because you are the only person I want in this entire castle. I want to take you out on dates. I want to sneak you into my dorm. I want to make you laugh. I want to cheer for you at Quidditch games. I want to kiss you every day. You are beautiful and smart and talented – so why would you think I couldn’t love you back?”

He sees Regulus swallowing. He slowly turns his head to him. He looks somewhere below James’ face. James reaches out and tucks a black curl behind Regulus’ ear.

“Please, give me a chance. Let me get to know you properly. Let me love you.”

“What if you get to know me and find out you don’t like me?”

“That’s impossible. I’m quite obsessed with you already… and I’m not someone who gives up easily. Look at me, Regulus. It’s not about the sex. I prefer kissing you over all the nights with the others together. You’re not special to me just because you were the first. Our time together was special because of you.”

Regulus closes his eyes. “I can’t think when you speak to me like this,” he whispers.

“Then don’t think. You overthought this entire thing since the beginning. You’ve planned our break up before I ever had the chance to ask you out.”

Regulus pulls his face together. “You’ll hurt me.”

“You’re hurting me right now,” James counters softly, he brushes his fingers over Regulus’ cheek. “You’re hurting yourself. I can’t let you do that. You deserve to be treated well, you deserve to get anything you want. So, if you want me, fucking have me, Regulus. There is no one else I want.”

Regulus opens his storm cloud eyes and looks at him. It’s been too long since James has been so close to him. He is breathtaking.

“If I didn’t sleep with you for a year, would you still talk like this?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t survive the year, but yes.”

Regulus smiles lightly – James wants to kiss him badly. He cups his cheeks.

Regulus looks at him unsurely. “There will be talk, James. You’re not supposed to be with me. Everybody expects you to be with someone like Lily. Can you imagine what I will do to your reputation?”

James shrugs. “Fuck them. They can talk all they want, won’t change I like you, not Lily. I don’t care for my reputation, I never have. And, if that makes you happy, I will punch everyone who loses one bad word about you in the face. Let’s just do this, Regulus. I know you’re worried about what they will say, I know you’re afraid I might hurt you – but please, just trust me and try.”

Regulus bites his lip. James brushes his thumb over his mouth to make him release it.

He leans his head back and closes his eyes. James wishes he possessed any kind of artistic talent to capture his beauty. He studies his pale neck, free of marks other men would have left on him.

“Okay,” Regulus whispers finally, his voice so quiet, James isn’t certain it wasn’t just wishful thinking.

“Okay?” James whispers back.

Regulus looks at him again. “If you fuck me over, I will send Sirius and my friends after your arse. Then I’ll come after you myself.”

James can’t help but smile. “I bet you look beautiful when you try to kill someone.”

Regulus rolls his eyes. “I do.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. I’m quite breath taking – because I’ll slit your throat.”

James laughs lightly, leans in and kisses him.

It has been entirely too long since the last time he kissed him. Regulus melts against him. He brings his arms up around his neck. The kiss is sweet, asking for nothing. James strokes over Regulus’ cheeks. His lips are soft under his, moving slowly against him.

James pulls back and smiles at him. He runs his hand through Regulus’ hair, pushing the black curls out of his face.

“I’ve missed this. I missed you. It’s an atrocity that I didn’t have to fight half of this dungeon for you.”

“You want to fight people for me?”

“I would. I want people to appreciate you the way you deserve it. If they did, they’d fight battles to have you.”

Regulus looks away, but James can see the smile on his face. He kisses his cheek softly, lets his lips linger against his jaw, kisses the pale skin where he can feel his quickened pulse underneath.

“You’re fucking soppy, you know that?”

“Yes. But I think you like it.”

Regulus sighs. “I do – how disappointing.”

James looks at him again. Regulus leans in and kisses him on the mouth.

***

James takes Regulus on a date that following Saturday. Over the course of the following weeks, the school is full of new gossip – even the ghosts participate. James doesn’t give two fucks. Regulus doesn’t let it phase him anymore.

“Have you heard? James and Baby Black were at Hogsmeade together! Like together!”

“Potter and Black – they’re dating now! Can you believe it?”

“I saw them kiss in the hallway – full on snogging, I tell ya!”

“This sucks, I bet he’d end up dating Lily this year.”

“What does he want with that boy anyways? He’s mean and fucked every boy in Slytherin.”

“Poor James, Black is going to break his heart.”

“He’s never been with the same person for this long.”

“Have you heard? Avery and Potter got into a fist fight over Regulus.”

“Looks like the slut of Slytherin Dungeon got tamed.”

“Heard, Sirius almost cut Potter’s cock off when he heard – he looks pretty chill about it nowt.”

“Saw the Blacks, Potter and Lupin on a double date last weekend, the brothers kept throwing food at each other.”

“I’ve had both, them ending up with each other is a true loss, I have you know. I should ask whether they’re open for a three-way.”

“So, apparently, they’re both pretty possessive of each other…”

It’s been over two months since Regulus and James got together. Regulus sits in the Gryffindor common room with a book. He’s here often, no one bats an eye at him anymore.

A sixth-year girl with black hair, Gillian, approaches him. She’s one of the girls James had shagged.

She crosses her arms in front of her.

“Well, look who sneaked in again.”

“It’s not sneaking in if I have the password,” Regulus says calmly, not looking up from his book.

“You shouldn’t be here. You don’t deserve to be here.”

Regulus turns a page. “Don’t deserve to be here or don’t deserve to be with a certain person?”

Gillian looks somewhere behind Regulus, then back at him. She speaks quieter now, “It’s not going to last, you know? He’s going to see through you soon enough. He’ll leave you for someone ten times hotter than you, and nicer, too.”

Two months ago, her words would have gotten to him. He wouldn’t have shown it, but they would have truly touched him. They don’t do anything, now. James knows him, he knows him better than anyone, and he chooses him, day for day he chooses him, kisses him every chance he gets and doesn’t let a day pass without telling him how beautiful he is.

Gillian possesses a quite ordinary kind of prettiness, Regulus understands why James might have gone for her. He sees at a glance, that her hair is wavy and almost as black as his own, her eyes are pale blue, they’d look grey in dim light, her lips are thin, and she has high cheekbones. Amusingly, she shares all these traits with two of the others James has shagged.

Regulus closes the book.

“You’re pretty loud for a substitute. You do know you only got with James because I rejected him, right? He wouldn’t have looked at you twice otherwise. And looking at you and your little speech makes me think no one has since. Did you really think, you could hold him? You? He’d fuck you and magically fall in love with you? I bet he forgot your face the minute he came. I bet he thought of me while he did.”

She looks like she might start crying any second. She has her eyes fixed at a point behind Regulus.

“What? Am I right? You know I’m right. Did he say my name during it? The thing is, even if he leaves me, do you really think he’d get into bed with you afterwards? A man who can have anyone, wouldn’t choose someone like you – someone who comes up to his boyfriend telling him what he deserves and doesn’t deserve. You, on the other hand, deserve exactly what you have – nothing.” He says it sweetly, with a smile on his face.

Suddenly, two arms wrap around him from behind. James stands behind the sofa and kisses the top of his head.

“You’re cruel, my love. I’m sorry, Gillian, don’t listen to him.”

Regulus cocks his head at Gillian. “Oh, I see. You thought you could make me say something I’d regret so he – what was that – sees right through me and leave me for someone ten times hotter and nicer than me?” He turns his head to James and presses a kiss to his lips. “Now that you’re here, clear this up for us: Did you think of me while you were with her? Or did you think about what you’ll have for supper?”

James sighs. “Gillian, why don’t you go back to your dorm? And don’t talk to my boyfriend ever again – for your own good, really.”

“Oh, no, please do talk to me again. That was fun.”

“Regulus, leave her alone, you won.”

He smirks, “I did. I’m a bad winner, but you know that about me.”

James smiles, “Come upstairs with me?”

Regulus takes his book and stands up. He gives Gillian another taunting look before leaving the room, followed by James. He assumes, James apologises to her again, and if he doesn’t, he will do so later.

Regulus reaches the dorm first. “Give us the room.” He says to Sirius and Remus. Remus is reading on his bed, and Sirius is sitting by his feet, painting his nails.

“Please,” James adds to his order when he comes in behind him.

“No, we were here first. Go to your own dorm, Reggie,” Sirius says, “And just because I’ve – graciously – decided to be chill about this, doesn’t mean I have to aid you in getting laid.”

“They’re not fucking anyways,” Remus says lazily. “I can feel you looking at me Regulus, no need to plot my murder, it’s your boyfriend whining about it all day long.”

“That’s not true,” James says and kisses Regulus’ cheek while passing him to get to his bed.

“Leave,” Regulus says coldly.

“You’re not throwing me out of my own dorm, Reggie,” Sirius says but Remus already stood up and pulls his boyfriend up by the hand.

“Come on, you grumpy old dog. Let’s go outside, the sun’s still out. You can run some laps around the lake.”

“I just did my nails,” Sirius complains while stumbling out behind Remus. Remus leans in to whisper something to Sirius, which makes him perk up and follow him outside very willingly.

Regulus closes the door to the dorm and locks it with a spell.

James has taken off his red converse and lies on the bed, his glasses rest on the bedside table and his eyes are closed.

It’s quite true, James did not get to sleep with him over these months. At first, in Regulus’ dorm, he didn’t want to. He wanted to get that date in, first. Then, Regulus decided, they should wait, make sure James’ affections for him are genuine and not about sex. James has insisted that he needs to worship Regulus’ body, even if he gets nothing in return. Regulus has let him use his mouth and hands on him a couple of times, but usually they only snog.

Regulus slips into the bed next to James.

“I don’t mind not sleeping with you, I don’t complain to them that much,” James whispers.

“Yes, you mind.”

“Okay, yes, it’s torture. But I respect your wishes.”

Regulus, who is indeed cruel, drags his finger over James’ body. “I know, it must be so hard for you.”

James opens his eyes and shakes his head. “Don’t be mean, love.”

“You like it when I’m mean.”

“I do,” James smiles, “It’s hot, but was it really necessary to crush Gillian the way you did?”

“Hm, let’s see: She said, I don’t deserve you. She said, you are going to leave me soon for someone nice. She clearly doesn’t know anything about you.”

James chuckles, “No she doesn’t. Okay, maybe she deserved part of your words. You know I won’t leave you right? I love you way too much.”

Regulus looks up at him, blinking rapidly.

James looks back at him, smiling, “What?”

“You just said you love me.”

“Yes?”

“What do you mean, yes?”

“Is it the first time I said it?” James asks thoughtfully.

“Yes, it’s the bloody first time you said it!”

“Are you sure? Because I think about how much I’m in love with you literally every day.”

“Oh gods,” Regulus mumbles exasperated and then kisses him deeply. James gasps lightly, then wraps his arms around Regulus, who quickly climbs on top of him, straddling his hips. “You fucking idiot, you’re driving me crazy.”

James laughs under Regulus’ kisses. Regulus pushes James’ jumper up. He has to pull back to take it off, looking at it with disdain, as if he wants to burn it for inconveniencing him.

He kisses James again, fiercely. James buries his hands in his hair, he opens his mouth for Regulus to deepen the kiss further, sliding his tongue against his.

Regulus rubs himself against James’ crotch, making him moan lowly into the kiss. James sits up, Regulus wraps his legs around his hips, pushing their bodies together. He pulls back, looking at James and breathing heavily.

“I love you, too,” he whispers.

James grins at him, “Yes, I know.”

“Good, now fuck me.”

James looks at him surprised. “Are you sure? What happened, did I pass some kind of test?”

“No,” he says softly and rakes his nails over James’ back, his arms slung over his shoulders, “I wanted to do this all week.”

“Yeah?” James whispers with a smile, he raises his hands to the buttons of Regulus’ shirt. “What changed your mind?”

“Hmm, you.”

“Me? What did I do?” he undoes the last button and pushes the shirt off Regulus’ shoulders.

“Oh, let’s see: You’re hot. That’s it, really.”

James bucks his hips up so Regulus falls against him. Regulus smirks and pecks his lips.

“Furthermore, you’re caring… kind, strong,” he runs his hands up and down James’ arms, “Funny, and on rare occasions pretty smart… Also, you didn’t make me doubt you for one second. Not even when it came to Lily. I thought it’d be a problem for me that you’re friends with her – but it’s not. I trust you.”

James kisses him softly. He wraps his arms around him and swiftly turns them around, placing Regulus on the mattress. Regulus gasps against his lips surprised and chuckles, when James kisses down his neck and his chest, his fingers are on his trousers.

They pull each other out of their clothes, kissing and nipping on exposed skin. “I’ll give the others something to talk about,” Regulus whispers when he sucks a hickey high up on James’ neck where he won’t be able to hide it with his uniform.

James pushes him back into the mattress, his skin flushed. He slows down, kissing him lovingly. Regulus lets himself be kissed however James wants to. He gives him the lead, yields to his pace and his touch. He has never done this with other lovers. James is the only one to whom he feels comfortable surrendering his control.

James kisses the corner of his mouth, the side of his jaw. He leaves hot, open-mouthed kisses on his neck. He runs his warm hands over Regulus’ skin, following their trail with his mouth. He flicks his tongue over Regulus’ nipple. Regulus inhales sharply. James lingers there, for a short time. His hands travel further south, rubbing over hip bones and sensitive skin.

James rocks their bodies together. Regulus bites back a moan. He opens his legs for James to lie between them.

He can feel James’ hard cock pressing against him. Regulus bites his lip and threads his fingers through James’ hair.

James pushes a hand between them, grabbing both their cocks. Regulus throws his head back on the pillow. James crawls back up to him. He looks down into his eyes, his are dark and lovely. Regulus holds his gaze. James is stroking their cocks, pushing them together. Regulus pulls James’ head down to him to kiss him again. He is aware of every inch of skin touching.

James lets go of them and grabs his thigh instead, digging his nails into his skin. Regulus lifts his body, eager to be touched. James runs his hand up his leg. Regulus hums into James’ mouth in shameless encouragement. James brushes a teasing finger against his hole.

James kisses his cheek to whisper in his ear. “I want to put my mouth here again, will you let me?”

Regulus forgets how to breathe for a moment. He feels his face heating up. James kisses the spot underneath his ear.

“Yes.” Regulus’ voice almost gives out.

“Do you want to turn around for me?”

James chuckles lightly, when Regulus sits up in an instant, they shuffle around the bed until Regulus lies on his stomach, burying his face in James’ pillow. It smells like him.

Regulus feels James’ hands on his shoulders, slowly running down his back. Sweet butterfly kisses follow his hands.

James might be the gentlest lover Regulus has ever had. One day, he will show him all the pleasures of quick, hard fucks standing against a wall – not today.

Today, he gives himself to James’ hands and his gentleness. He is highly aware of every spot James’ lips linger on him.

Regulus opens his thighs wider when James’ hands reach his bottom. He squeezes the soft flesh – he loves doing that, squeezing him on his sides and thighs and bottom. Regulus would tell him to stop if he didn’t know the smile it puts on James’ face.

James pulls the cheeks apart, fingertips digging into his skin. Regulus’ hands are trembling in anticipation, waiting for it is torture – James knows this, James makes him wait.

James flicks his tongue over his hole. Regulus bites down on his bottom lip, muffling a loud moan. James grazes his teeth over the cheek, then kisses it. He drags his tongue over his hole again, licking over it in quick strokes.

Regulus’ toes curl, his hands grab the pillow tightly.

“Fuck, James,” Regulus groans.

“Good?” James asks teasingly.

Regulus hums and buries his face in the pillow again.

James resumes his task, flicking his tongue teasingly over Regulus’ hole, rolling his tongue over it relentlessly. Regulus moans loudly into the pillow. He needs James to get inside of him. He isn’t sure he can turn that need into a full sentence, though.

James pulls back from him, he presses his lips to the spot where Regulus’ arse connects to his thighs. His hands occupy with something else. He presses his mouth to his inner thigh, sucking on the sensitive skin.

James’ hands find their way back to Regulus’ body. His fingers, now slick with lube, rub over his hole. He pushes one finger in. Regulus arches his back, lifting his head off the pillow.

“Gods, James, yes, please.”

He hears James chuckle behind him. “How is it, I only ever hear you say please when I do this?”

He buries his face in the pillow again and mumbles, “Shut up.” The pillow smells like James, like his skin when he kisses his neck.

James shuts up and pushes his tongue against his skin next to his finger. Regulus feels dizzy from it. His brain has abandoned him some time ago and he’s not sure he remembers how to breathe.

James pulls his finger back and instead pushes his tongue into him, fucking him with it. Regulus moans loudly, breathlessly gasping James’ name. He pulls his legs further apart and pushes back against him.

James pulls back yet again, and presses kisses against his cheeks. He pushes two fingers into him. Regulus rubs his cock against the sheets.

James sucks a second hickey on his inner thigh, on the other side this time, while relentlessly thrusting into him with his fingers, moving them inside.

“Jay – oh, by the ever-loving hell, please, fuck me.”

James doesn’t slow his fingers in him, but crawls up to him, kissing his back and his shoulders, teasingly.

“James,” Regulus moans, arching his back.

“My mouth, fingers and my cock? You’re greedy,” James teases.

“I will bloody murder you,” Regulus mumbles into the pillow.

James laughs and kisses the back of his neck. “I’ll gladly give you everything you ask for. But turn around for me.”

James pulls out his fingers, causing Regulus to groan lightly.

“No, take me like this.”

James rubs his hard cock against Regulus. Regulus moves back against him. “And let you hide your moans in my pillow? Not a chance, love. Besides, I want to see your beautiful face.”

“I hate you,” Regulus grumbles while lifting his body to turn on his back again.

“No, you love me.” James smiles down at him and brushes his hair out of his face.

Yes. He loves him so fucking much.

“I love you,” Regulus agrees quietly and wraps his arms around James’ neck.

“I love you, too,” James kisses him again.

He climbs back between Regulus’ legs.

He detaches his lips from Regulus’s, leaving stray kisses on his lips and his chest before sitting up. He puts his hands against Regulus’ thighs and pushes them back. He grabs a condom and the lube from somewhere behind him. His cock is hard and thick. Regulus wants him in his mouth again – later.

Regulus watches as James applies the condom and lubes up his cock. He leans over him again, Regulus wraps his legs around him. James’ cock is pushed against Regulus’ arse. James runs his hands over Regulus’ leg, up his body, over his chest, until he cups his cheek.

Regulus’ eyelids flutter shut when he kisses him again.

“You’re so beautiful,” James whispers when he detaches his lips from him, his breath hitting Regulus’ face. “I’m so lucky.”

Regulus hums, “Not as lucky as I.”

James kisses him fiercely at this.

He pushes his cock into him. Regulus throws his head back, breaking the kiss, moaning loudly. James kissed his jaw and his neck. His chest is heaving. James places himself inside of Regulus inch for inch, slowly, murmuring into his ear.

“Is this okay?” “Good?” “You’re fucking beautiful, Reggie.”

Regulus fists the sheet in his hand, the other hand is buried in James’ hair. James places soft kisses on Regulus’ lips. He pulls back and thrusts into him. Regulus moans and tugs on his hair.

James thrusts into him, finding a rhythm and picking up his pace. Regulus has his eyes closed, he feels James’ hands everywhere on him, drawing lines and patterns of fire on his skin.

The room is filled with Regulus’ moans and James’ low noises. Their bodies move against each other, Regulus meets James’ thrusts. He lets go of the sheets, running his hand up and down James’ back instead.

Regulus opens his eyes again, seeing James above him, forehead glistening with sweat, mouth open and his name falling from his lips.

Regulus leans up until he can kiss James’ neck, pulling the skin between his lips. He kisses his mouth again. James angles himself differently, a new surge of pleasure rushes through Regulus, making him moan into James’ mouth and scratch over his back. James moans against him, thrusting into him harder.

Regulus pushes a hand between their bodies and grasps his own cock, stroking himself sloppily with James’ thrusts.

“Oh, James – like that, just like that –“ he moans, James’ fingertips dig into his thighs. “Fuck, don’t stop, I’m coming – don’t stop.”

James’ hot breath hits his neck with every thrust, sending shivers through his whole body.

He comes between their bodies, over his hand, his head thrown back, moaning and shouting James’ name.

James slows. Regulus breathes heavily, his hand tangled in James’ hair. He pushes James’s face down to him and kisses him breathlessly. He notices James stopped moving.

“Why are you stopping?”

“Won’t it be too much for you, if I keep going?” James whispers.

“No. Go on, fuck me, until you come in me.” He can see how his breathless words take effect on James. Regulus starts moving his hips against him, fucking himself on James’ cock. He wants James to have his pleasure, get all of it from his body, just like this. James moans lowly and thrusts into him again.

“That’s right,” Regulus whispers. He rakes his nails over James’ back and kisses where he can reach, his arms, his collar bone, his neck. “You’re so hot like this. I love you so much. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had.”

James kisses him frantically. He thrusts into him faster than before, slightly off rhythm, chasing his own climax. The feeling dances between pleasure and pain from overstimulation. Regulus likes that feeling, but he’ll tell James about that another time.

Regulus tightens his legs around James, murmuring compliments to him, kissing him everywhere.

James sits up, pushing his hands against Regulus’ thighs, his head thrown back and relentlessly pounding into him. Regulus puts his arms up above his head, baring his body to James’ gaze. He throws his head back on the pillow, moaning with every new thrust. James comes, pushing his cock deep into him, riding it out in slow, hard strokes. Regulus bites his bottom, muffling the shouts this gets out of him.

James pulls out, making Regulus whimper behind clenched teeth. He falls into bed next to him, breathing heavily. Regulus grabs James’ wand on the bedside table and cleans them up.

He leans over James and kisses his lips lowly They’re breathing against each other. Regulus settles in against James’ chest. James wraps his arms around him, he presses a kiss to Regulus’ forehead. Their hands lazily stroke over the other’s body, soothing reddened skin.

“I think, you scratched up by back,” James mumbles.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Was kind of sexy. …Tomorrow, I’ll take you on another date,” James mumbles, half to himself.

Regulus kisses where his head lies on James’ chest. “That sounds great. If you’re up for it, I’ll let you fuck me leaned against the wall in an hour or so.”

He hears James swallow hard at the thought. “In an hour?”

“Or two. You can have me bend over the edge of the bed, too, if you want to.”

James threads his hand through Regulus’ black hair and tugs up his head to look at him. He smiles and kisses him.

“There’s no rush. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers.

Regulus smiles and lies down on his chest again.

There is no rush.