Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Why did life hate him? What did he ever do wrong? Okay, maybe being in the mafia implied kinda doing wrong things, but he wasn’t, like taking over the world or any villain shit like that. So yeah, he did nothing worse enough to justify being stuck in a mission with shitty Dazai. This was extremely unfair and that jackass even dared to complain as if Chuuya was the unbearable person here.

“Come here, Chibi, come here,” Dazai’s voice was a few octaves higher than normal, bending his knees and hands happily slapping his thigh in a mocking manner, to mimic calling a fucking dog. He was standing maybe five meters ahead of him and Chuuya already wanted to lose his shit. But killing Dazai right now would certainly interfere with their mission. Sadly.

“Shut the fuck up,” he gritted through his teeth as he caught up with the detective and decided to hit the bandage waster. Because he had to do something to let out his inner rage.

“Ow, bad dog!” Dazai declared with a fake pout. The redhead tried to hit him again, but this time the taller one easily dodged the attack, laughing a little.

“So where is this ability user hiding?” Chuuya decided it would be for the best if he just talked about work-related stuff. The sooner they finished this shit the better. For both of them. Because if Dazai kept going on like this, Chuuya would kill him eventually in a very, very painful way.

“He has a little cabin in the woods.” And of course the fucker had one, because nothing bad ever happens in a cabin in the woods. This mission just kept getting better and better. “We aren’t really sure what his ability does so it’s just a safety measure that we are tracking him down here, in order not to involve innocent bystanders.” It was disgusting to hear Dazai declare that it was safer that way for bystanders, because he used to not give a shit about that. He used to shoot someone again and again even if they were already dead just for the feel of it. So this felt so wrong, to say the least. A smaller part in Chuuya was glad for this development, but he pushed that part down, together with other thoughts and feelings he didn’t want to think about, that only ever surfaced when he was completely wasted.

“Cabin in the woods, huh? Just great,” he commented and knew it was a mistake, even before Dazai decided to open his stupid mouth.

“Naw, is Chibi scared?” He teased and the redhead didn’t even need to see the smirk, because it was audible in his voice. “Don’t worry, you are so small, he can’t even see you!” He declared as if that was supposed to make Chuuya happy.

“I hope you get killed—”

“Oh, Chuuya, that’s so nice—”

“—in a very painful and agonizing way,” he finished and couldn’t help but smirk slightly as he saw the happy expression on Dazai’s face morph into a frown.

“—You are so mean,” the tall idiot next to him cried and Chuuya already felt a headache coming.

“You started it.”

“Did not.”

“Did do.”

“Did not, I am an absolute delight,” he stated and Chuuya failed to suppress a laugh, which earned him an insulted little scoff.

“You being a delight, damn, that’s the funniest shit I have ever heard,” he managed to bring out between laughter. Dazai was surprisingly quiet after that. Not that Chuuya was complaining, oh no, this silence was a dream come true. They walked for what felt like five minutes silently until they could see the cabin. “So? ‘Flower in the pond’?”

“Oh my, that hat really did eat all of your brain cells, didn’t it?” Dazai slowly shook his head in a mocking, disappointing manner, as if Chuuya just told him that the sky was green. “‘Clouds in the mountains’ is the way to go here, Chibi,” Dazai declared with a smirk.

“Are you insane? ‘Clouds in the mountains’ isn’t—” “Chuuya, please remind me: Did my tactics ever fail?” He asked with a way too smug grin plastered on his stupid face.

“Dammit,” the redhead just cursed out and Dazai chuckled.

“That’s what I thought.”

The ability user didn’t notice that they just sneaked into his little cabin. He was humming joyfully, while cooking a meal. It smelled good. It made Chuuya realize that he hadn’t really had breakfast. He did eat, but it was just a small piece of the pizza he didn’t finish yesterday, therefore not really nutritious. But shitty Dazai told him they had to move fast and early and he knew that Dazai didn’t joke about stuff when it meant he had to get up early. Not that he liked sleeping, he rarely slept, but simply because he thought it was bothersome leaving or getting up early. So Chuuya really couldn’t be bothered to stand up earlier than he already had just to eat. He kinda regretted that decision now.

“So, the Port Mafia and the Agency are really working together?” The man suddenly asked without turning around. “To be quite frank with you, I don’t really know why you think I’m a threat. My ability is really not scary.” He sighed and then finally turned around. He looked like the classic image of a grandpa: White-grayish hair, big glasses on his nose, wrinkles from laughing and smiling a lot and his frame was not slim, but also not very large. He didn’t send off a threatening aura at all, but Chuuya knew better than to let that lure him into false safety. Nothing is worse than to think the enemy in front of you isn’t a threat. They didn’t know what his ability was capable of. They just knew it was somehow dangerous.

“So people screaming in horror, being completely lost and rummaging through the city on a killing spree is not scary?” Dazai asked, his voice as calm as his entire body language. But his eyes seemed to glow, not in the light the Agency had shown him, no, it was the glow of sunlight being reflected on a frozen lake. A cold shine, seemingly harmless, but step on the lake and you drown in ice water immediately. Seeing Dazai having that look again didn’t really ease Chuuya. On the contrary: Now he was even more on edge than he already had been. The old man let out a sigh.

“Really. That’s not my fault at all. I’m not controlling whatever they see and I’m not controlling what they do,” he explained, sounding really tired all of the sudden. “The only thing I can control is choosing the first person. And honestly, it is to help them.”

“A strange way to help,” Dazai commented, icy stare still fixed on the ability user.

“They know nothing, right?” The man asked. He clearly meant the Port Mafia and the Agency. “That’s why they send you two of all people. Should I take it as an honor that the feared Double Black is standing in front of silly old me as if I’m some sort of real threat?”

“What should they know then, hm?” And as soon as Chuuya said those words, he could feel Dazais cold eyes on him. He knew exactly what he thought: Way to go, Chuuya. Just let him know we know nothing, excellent work. But he really didn’t have the nerve for Dazai’s interrogation techniques at the moment. Not when he was wearing that beige coat instead of the black one. Not when he was not covering one eye with a bandage. Not when it wasn’t the old Dazai. He pushed those thoughts away before they could spiral in an even worse direction. Still the core essence of it all lingered in his thoughts. Not when it wasn’t his Dazai who held that icy stare.

“My ability simply shows people what they couldn’t puzzle together on their own.”

“Care to elaborate?” Chuuya pushed, but the man just smiled.

“Why try to explain when I can just show you?” He lifted his right hand and showed his palm to Chuuya and—

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you,” Dazai’s voice contained a smirk. He probably had that smug facial expression that he always had when someone was about to behave exactly as predicted.

—he still held his palm directed at Chuuya. “And why shouldn’t I?” He lifted an eyebrow as Dazais smirk probably grew. God, that bastard loved showing off his genius predictions.

“Well, you need two people for your ability to work and, as you just said earlier, you only choose the first person. That means the ability does look for another complementary victim and as of right now, that would be you.”

“Oh?” Now the man started to grin, amusement clear in his voice. “Why’s that?”

"Well, we are the only people here. Nobody could get caught up in your ability except us three. But I nullify abilities, so basically it’s just you and Chibi over here—”

“Bastard, drop that name already.”

“—so in other words: You would just target yourself." The man started at Dazai for a few seconds and then he straight up laughed. Loudly. He crouched in on himself, used a hand on the counter to support his frame as his belly began to ache from all the heavy laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Chuuya interrupted the laughing fit with a stern voice. He hated being laughed at.

“Nothing really,” he said after a while, still fighting against the laughter that bubbled up inside of him. “It’s just, you think my ability is restricted by distance. If it only were as simple as that,” he looked a little dreamy as he said that, but then he started to laugh a little. “I choose the first person and this first person is technically choosing the other one. It’s connected to memories, but really showing you is easier because you may be able to nullify abilities, but only if they directly touch you. But if I activate my ability on your little partner here, it will definitely affect you too, because you two do have a lot of history together, don’t you?”

“What does that have to do with anyth—”, Chuuya couldn’t finish his sentence because light hit him and everything went dark.

Well. This wasn’t how he wanted to spend his early morning. He sighed and just kept moving the small body in the bed, next to the taller one. They probably had backup or at least a set time for a short report, so he should definitely get the hell out of here. Really, his ability wasn’t that harmful, it just depended on what the people did with all the new information they got out of it.

He had a fucking headache. He opened his eyes and saw a clear blue sky. That shitty Dazai probably solved everything and left him lying in a fucking field; again.

“I’m going to kill him,” he muttered as he got up from the ground and looked around. Strange. He was in the slums. This didn’t make any sense. He should be on a clearing in the woods next to the cabin.

»There were a lot of witnesses. I guess he wasn’t done with this awful world,« he heard a familiar voice say. But it shouldn’t be familiar, because it was way too young. Chuuya’s gaze followed the sound of the voice. Dazai stood in the middle of the path between the little houses. A black coat around his shoulders, a bandage around one eye. The old Dazai was standing a few meters away from him. What the hell is happening? Why is there a young Dazai? »Anyways, I’ll head back and report in detail—«, something hit Dazai with a lot of force and speed and sent him flying till his back collided with a roof and left him in debris. Chuuya didn’t move, but he was somehow standing next to them. He was standing next to the younger versions of Dazai and himself. Dazai was on his back and looking up at Chuuyas younger version, who held Dazai in place with a foot on his stomach, while grinning madly.

»Hahaha! This is good!« He heard his younger version declare, full of mockery and pride. »It’s a kid! The Port Mafia must be really desperate for people.« What the fuck is happening? He knew this. It’s his own memory. It’s his first meeting with Dazai and—

Seems like things suddenly got exciting.

Huh? That was Dazai’s voice. Sort of. It sounded a little…clouded? It wasn’t as clear as it should be. But Dazai didn’t say that back then, no, he said—

»That hurt. I don’t like pain, you know.«

—Yes. That’s exactly what he said back then. What is happening? Why was he reliving this memory? The younger versions continued the talk that Chuuya already knew. Okay. Maybe touching Dazai could send him back? It was unlikely because the younger versions didn’t acknowledge him, therefore he probably couldn’t interact with them at all, but it was worth a shot at least. He squatted down and touched the young Dazai. His hand went right through him. Chuuya sighed frustrated. This was that fucker’s ability, huh? Sending him back to his memories. Great.

»I’m 15 years old, I’m still growing!« His younger version shouted.

Yeah, he definitely is fun to tease.

Again. Chuuya had heard Dazais clouded voice say something he couldn’t remember being said. Are those… his thoughts? Is Chuuya inside of Dazais memories?

»Fufu… I’ll give you a curse. I’m also 15 years old, but I’ll continue to grow and you won’t grow much.«

»There won’t be an annoying curse!« His younger version shouted angrily and Chuuya sighed. Maybe Dazai really did curse him. Hopefully that bastard was already working on getting Chuuya out of this fucked up ability.

He was in pain. Disgusting. When he opened his eyes, the sky had a clear blue color and he flew through the air.

Stupid Mafia, I’m going to kill them all.

Huh? That was Chuuya’s voice, but it sounded off. Something wasn’t right. This was probably the control the ability had over people,huh? Were they already being weaponized? And why was he flying over the slums? This didn’t make any sense. He had to think fast, Chuuya could be very dangerous and— Wait. Is that, he squinted his eyes, himself, standing in the slums, talking on his old phone, in his old Mafia attire? Then the kick happened and he was standing next to them. A younger version of Chuuya stood over his own younger version, that lay in the debris of the roof and the wall he just crashed against.

»Hahaha! This is good!« The young Chuuya declared with all the pride and confidence he possessed. »It’s a kid! The Port Mafia must be really desperate for people.« The young Chuuya sounded amused.

Why a kid? This isn’t— I shouldn’t— Maybe the Mafia is forcing him? He looks around my age. Maybe if he gives me a few inside information, I’ll spare him and he can join the sheep.

Was that— Was he hearing Chuuyas thoughts? And if so, the younger one really could act totally different to what he was thinking. Because he sure kicked him a lot that day for having thoughts of sparing him. The younger versions started the conversation he already knew. This was his first meeting with Chuuya and when he was stuck in this memory, hearing the Chibi’s thoughts, then that meant that the real Chuuya was most likely stuck inside of Dazai’s memories and was probably also able to hear his thoughts. He was so screwed. Chuuya would know everything. Now he really understood why people went berserk after they were hit with the ability. Dazai just wanted to drown himself before Chuuya could talk to him about this shitty experience.

So. He already lived through a lot of their memories. He was watching their younger selves screaming at Mori, because they were supposed to be investigating the former boss thingy. He saw how Dazai walked ahead of him to Randou’s house, that was going to explode before they got there. Hearing Dazai saying his weird ass line about liking him when they got along was even more weird with his thoughts being like No, you idiot. Why did you say that? He saw the fight where they -well, younger Chuuya- disposed of the enemies and when Chuuya looked at the younger Dazai’s face, he could see past the cold stare of boredom and realized that Dazai low-key stared at him in awe. So weird. Luckily, this time, there weren’t any thoughts. Shortly after that, they were talking to Randou. He told them the story and this time he could hear Dazai’s thoughts, that it didn’t add up and that Randou clearly was lying. Stupid bastard knew from the start. Right now, he was standing in the arcade. They would come to play against each other so often in this arcade that Chuuya felt a strange feeling of nostalgia wash over him. Right now, Dazai was already setting up that stupid bet when the sheep showed up. They found Chuuya because someone couldn’t keep his mouth shut. But the weird part was the thoughts he could hear. He couldn’t hear every single thought, thank god, because Dazai was already infuriating without knowing his thoughts. But…his thoughts were…

Disgusting. They are just using him? Can’t he see that?

…strangely not that awful? Chuuya thought that he only called them over to make it his end goal to spread mistrust, but apparently Dazai actually, at least to some small amount, cared? The main goal of the bastard was still the mistrust -he had a plan, after all- but it seemed that he was kinda angry at how easy it was to do so?

Those are supposed to be his friends, right? Why are they so naive? Why are they believing anything I say? This is too easy. They cannot be his real friends.

»Lay off him already, Sheep.« The young Dazai said and now Chuuya could feel the masked anger. »Chuuya-kun decides how to use his ability, he doesn’t need your approval.« This is what Dazai really thought. He wasn’t patronizing him and he didn’t say that for his stupid intrigue, no: this was real. »I found something more important to your talisman, so I’ll be taking your blessing.« Okay, that last part was definitely for his master plan. But still: Dazai cared and Chuuya wanted to throw up because of it.

The memory had faded to an annoying white a long time ago. He could walk around, but nothing changed and it seemed that he always stayed in the center of this abyss. Dazai really didn’t know how time worked in this ability, but he counted to 1260 seconds, therefore he had been stuck for twenty-one minutes without anything to see or do. This was fucking boring and also really stupid.

He relived the memories of the fight against Randou and it was so fucking weird to hear the thoughts of that bastard again. His thoughts were rather -dare he say it- soft? Well, at least soft for that jackass. But Dazai thinking things like maybe I can give life a little shot if Chuuya continues to be interesting or Chuuya isn’t as stupid as I thought was not unpleasant. Especially seeing Dazai back a step away after the young Chuuya said he was Arahabaki, seeing that surprised look on that bastard’s face, damn, that was incredibly satisfying. And the way the young Dazai watched him fight Randou in awe? Chuuya couldn’t help but taking it as a compliment since it was accompanied by the sweet little thought he’s so strong. Jup. That was like oil to the burning fire of Chuuya’s ego. That idiot actually liked his fighting style. Oh, he would never let Dazai live this down.

And then he saw Dazai walking through a forest, stopping at a shore, jumping on a stone. So that asshole really stabbed him. Probably in the back. Disgusting. It was sort of funny how worked up Dazai was over this, especially if you kept in mind that it was his own master plan that led to this situation in the first place. And there was a little pride in that smug face as Dazai watched young Chuuya realize that he had been dragged along from the start. You’ll get real friends in the Mafia. That was the last thought he heard after they made their deal and Dazai left Chuuya on the shore.

Real friends, huh?

He was in the boss's office. Well, not really. He was in Chuuya’s memory of being in the boss’s office with the younger one pledging his loyalty to Mori. It stung how Mori told Chuuya he should be afraid of Dazai because of what he might do with the documents Chuuya wanted to have so badly as soon as he became an executive. Sure, he would tease Chuuya with the documents, but he would never dare to burn them, no, he would burn anyone who would try to destroy those important papers to Chuuyas past. But could he really blame the Chibi for being afraid of what the boss suggested? It would align with Dazai’s personality, and if it were about anyone else? Yeah, he’d memorize the documents and burn them so that the person had no other choice but to submit to him. But he would never do that to Chuuya. Sure, he took the dog bet very seriously and it annoyed the shit out of the redhead, but that was just teasing and not in an actually hostile way. Friends. That was what he wanted them to be back then. Twisted friends, who didn’t really know what friends were in the first place, because one got stabbed in the back and the other one never made a friend, because everyone was scared of the demon prodigy.

Chapter Text

The first year of being in the Mafia was a faded memory for him that hurt like hell now. Because he got friends and then lost them immediately. One single year he got to spend with the promising youth of the Port Mafia, the Flags. God. He missed them. Dazai didn't really hang out with them since he was under Moris wing, but normally the younger members were under Pianoman's care. And Chuuya was now working on the gem network the Mafia had. It was one big money maker and as Chuuya learned later on, he was only supervising Dazai's leftovers, because that jackass was in the gem department before him. He saw a few memories of him and Dazai having to do little missions together, more bickering than doing any real work, but they got the job done every time; perfectly. Dazai's thoughts were getting more and more interesting. Seemed like the little demon was starting to get really attached to Chuuya. Chuuya couldn't pin Dazais emotions down, he still was a genius piece of shit and his thoughts were so contradictory, but if he didn't know it better, he'd call young Dazai out on developing a small crush. Which seemed so out of place. Dazai and having a crush. That was just not possible, especially not if he had a crush on Chuuya. Dazai always treated him like, well, a fucking dog.

Right now, Dazai was getting ready to go outside of his shitty container home. He wore his typical Mafia attire and sighed as he heard a heavy knock on the door. But Chuuya could see the happy smile he had on his lips that he immediately dropped when he opened the door and was looking at the young Chuuya.

"Are you finally ready?" His younger version asked and Dazai just nodded. "Good, then let's go. We're already late." The Flags held a party every month. The date was not set in stone, because Mafia business didn't have a time schedule. But once a month, the young members of the Mafia got a chance to be dumb, stupid teens, because if you could kill a men, you could drink booze too. It was as simple as that. This was the first time Dazai was going to the monthly party. And young Chuuya took a little pride in the fact that it was because of him. He sort of lost a bet to Albatross, but, like, not really. He was planning on inviting Dazai anyway and dragging him out of that stupid container to -for once in his life- be a careless teenager. The bet just made that easier for him, like he had to do it. Thus, if everyone would be like 'why did you drag him here', Chuuya could play the victim and say 'I lost a bet'. It was perfect. Dazai looked so unamused by having to go to that 'stupid party'. He was constantly complaining when young Chuuya pushed and shoved him up the hill. But his thoughts? Absolutely adorable. This is our first meeting outside of a job and I can't believe he really invited me and What if I say something stupid in front of his friends? He probably would never invite me again and so on. It was really cute. The demon prodigy was acting cute. Not on the outside, but his inside was so mushy right now and Chuuya couldn't help but grin a little. God, he got so much blackmail material out of this. That Dazai probably was collecting just as much material couldn't spoil his good mood.

"He probably thinks he's too good for us," that was Doc talking, with a slight smile. Chuuya was laughing with his flag friends and then their talk switched to the monthly party thing. And then somehow to Dazai.

"No, he just isn't used to other people," said Lippmann and god, he hated this. He hated sitting in this stupid bar while Chuuya and his old friends were playing pool and talking about him like some sort of mental case... which, okay, fair, he did have a chemical unbalance in his brain, but that still didn't give them the right to talk about him like he was some sort of animal. Kinda ironic that this even bugged him, since he called Chuuya a dog all the time. But he always said it to his face, because he might have been raised in the Mafia, but he still had some manners.

"Hey, Chuuya! Why don't you invite the little demon prodigy?" Albatross suggested, excited and with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Wha— Why should I? I hate him. Does that ring a bell?" Chuuya answered with a growl. Dazai smiled because he knew that the feisty redhead would do just that. He always declared he hated him, but somehow always made an effort to reach out to him.

"Mhm," said Albatross and then he flicked his fingers together, creating a sort of impressive loud sound. "If you lose this round against me," he pointed the pool stick at Chuuya, "you have to invite the demon!" Every other member -except Iceman- made an ooooh sound and Chuuya just accepted.

"But if I win, you have to do it," he smiled and Albatross' attitude deflared for a second, he was clearly scared of the consequence of losing.

"Deal."

A bet. Chuuya only invited him because of a bet. That fucking hurt. It shouldn't be that important. He shouldn't care, but damn, their first time hanging out without having a mission was only because the Chibi lost a bet? He felt like shit. He just wanted to curl up and die, because the real Chuuya probably was having a blast in Dazai's own pathetic memory. Realizing just how important that day was for young Dazai and in general and laughing his ass off, because it was only a bet. The memory started to fade to that obnoxious white and suddenly Dazai was alone again. He had enough of this already.

He wanted to get out of this shitty ability and die.

While the young Dazai continued to complain to young Chuuya, the real Chuuya looked around. It was rather impressive. Dazai had an excellent memory, because it almost felt like actually walking there, he could look down the hill to see the bright lights of the city in the distance. And he could even hear the wind rustle the leaves of the big trees and smell the fresh air of the forest. He could also see starry constellations when he looked up into the sky. It was really interesting how Chuuya could move freely. He could open doors, pet a stray cat and touch trees. It felt so real. Dazais intelligence was truly something and it did make Chuuya's stay in his memories pleasant. Maybe he'd compliment the bastard later for this.

The monthly party always had the same location, just in case the mafia needed a young ability user. They didn't really need security as no one would be dumb enough to attack the youth of the Port Mafia. And if they were dumb enough to do that, it would be the last stupid decision of their life. Right now, the younger versions were reaching their destination. On a clearing in the woods stood an old mustang and around the old car were tables with booze and fairy lights in the trees. Chuuya never questioned why the car was there, but he was sure it had to be because Albatross decided 'it looked cool'. Big music boxes were surrounding the area and the low bass was lightly lingering in everyone's bodies. The atmosphere was totally clashing with the fact that all the teens were part of the Mafia.

"Chuuuuuuya!" And that was the only warning he got before Albatross tackled him, or at least tried to tackle him, but the young Chuuya just made a quick sidestep and the strawberry blond guy crashed into Dazai. They made a dull sound as they landed on the ground and as soon as Albatross realized who he accidentally tackled, he jumped to his feet in a hurry. "Haha ah, sorry," he said and reached out a hand to help the younger boy up, which the boy accepted. That certainly surprised both Albatross and young Chuuya. This is his friend. Be cool. Oh, real Chuuya was having a blast. This was great. He always wondered why Dazai was so tame that night towards the Flags and now he knew: He wanted Chuuya's friends to like him. Just adorable. He would tease Dazai with this as soon as the ability stopped. By the way... when was it going to stop? How long would he be stuck here? It wasn't bad per se but Chuuya didn't want to spend eternity in Dazai's memories.

"No need to apologize, Chuuya is stupid for stepping away," Dazai said and dodged Chuuyas kick.

"It's the first time I see you here," Albatross casually pointed out. Chuuya had made all of the Flags promise to not bring up the bet in front of Dazai at any cost. That'd just be... mean? In some sort of way? He couldn't really pinpoint why he thought it would be. "Why's that?"

"Partying isn't my thing I guess," Dazai shrugged. A happy gathering is basically the opposite of suicide, isn't it? That thought had Chuuya laughing, because the young boy was kinda right in his assumption.

"Oh?" Albatross lifted an eyebrow in a challenging way. "Can't hold your liquor?"

"I'm not Chuuya," Dazai just deadpanned and Albatross -that damn traitor- laughed. And Chuuya probably would've been a little sour over the fact that he really can't hold his liquor that well if it wasn't for the sweet little thought he just heard. I made him laugh. That's good, right? It was so strange hearing the demon prodigy, the feared strategist, thinking such simple things. As if this was the first interaction he had with another human being and wanted to fit in. As if he wasn't scarily good at manipulating people. It was flattering in a way.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" His younger self screamed at them, but only earned snickers in return.

"C'mon Dazai, you need a drink," and with those words, Albatross was leading the way to the booze table with Dazai and Chuuya following right behind him. They are looking at me. And only because he heard this, he looked around. He didn't realize this when he was younger, but everyone was staring at Dazai and the teens started whispering in little groups. He could hear every single hushed word.

Demon

Arrogant prick

Why is he even here?

Mori's favorite

Should we leave?

He's so scary

I hope he doesn't speak to us

His ability makes you feel so defenseless, don't let him touch you

Why would I want to be touched by him anyway?

Scary kid

Who the hell invited him?

Chuuya was furious. He wanted to kick every stupid one of those whispering cowards, till he realized something: There was no way Dazai could hear what they said over the loud music. Was this Dazai's imagination or did he really understand the low whispers? This was so weird. The pleasant atmosphere of Dazais memories was suddenly replaced with the itchy feeling of being watched. Was this part of the reason why Dazai never attended social gatherings if he could ditch them? God, why did Dazai say 'yes' when he invited him? This was a horrible feeling, Chuuya wanted to just curl up and hide from the hostile gazes he could feel crawling on his skin.

"To your first time being here and hopefully not the last," Albatross' happy voice suddenly broke the creepy atmosphere in Dazai's memories. "Cheers!" And they downed their drinks. Albatross because he usually did that and Dazai probably because he wanted to feel less watched. "Ah damn, I already like you!" The strawberry blond said with a cheeky grin as Dazai refilled his drink immediately.

"You need to meet the others," Chuuya insisted and dragged the demon prodigy to the spot where his friends usually stayed during these parties. Pianoman, Iceman and Lippman usually just watched the party play out. They did talk to others, but they didn't really dance or play stupid games like Chuuya tended to do. Pianoman was responsible for the monthly parties and liked to keep an eye on everthing. Lippman pulled his connections so that non-Mafia teens would be here because the older members used the monthly parties to get laid and needed 'fresh meat'. Iceman just silently sipped his drink and listened to the conversations. Albatross, Doc, and Chuuya usually danced and jumped around. And at some point, Albatross and Doc would be very interested in getting Chuuya drunk to make him 'spill all the blackmail material'. As expected, the rest of his friends were standing under the big tree. It hurt to see them. It hurt in a bittersweet way. They were so alive and vivid in Dazai's memories, but that is all that they were now: memories. They died and Chuuya couldn't do anything about it. It was all his fault that his friends couldn't host their monthly parties anymore.

"Ah, Dazai, so nice to finally see you at one of our parties," Pianoman's words crushed Chuuya's dark thoughts. He couldn't loop into depressing thoughts while being in Dazai's memories. He should just be happy to hear their voices this clear again.

"Chuuya wouldn't stop bugging me," Dazai said with a sly grin, but now Chuuya could hear the little happiness coating the words.

"Liar!"

"Me? And lying? Oh, Chibi, you wound me, I'd never do something so sinful," Dazai whined in a dramatic way and Albatross snickered at his performance, whereas Lippmann and the others -apart from ever stoic Iceman- just smiled amused.

"You're so full of shit you should reak!"

"I reak? Chuuya's dog stench is all over the place."

"What did you say, you bastard?!"

They started their trademark bickering without realizing that the Flags were watching them. But now, real Chuuya could see it. The fond gaze in the eyes of his friend, even Iceman had a small genuine smile on his face as he watched them go on and on with their insults. Did they already see what Chuuya himself would only realize years later?

"And you are a stupid—" Young Chuuya suddenly lost all his insulting energy. Right. He remembered who rained on his parade. "Shirase." And the bickering stopped immediately.

"The sheep boy?" Dazai asked as if he didn't already know that, turning his head to follow Chuuya's gaze.

"Oh," Lippman said. "Seems like my connections reached the wrong person. I can tell him to leave if—"

"Don't be ridiculous. I don't care," his younger self claimed and -oh god- he didn't sound convincing at all. He also didn't look the part of someone who didn't care. His shoulders slacked and he stared into the red liquor filled cup he held in his right hand.

"Are you su—"

"I am sure," Chuuya harshly interrupted Pianomann, still staring at his cup, till he decided to down it all in one go. Not noticing how everyone watched him with a worried expression. Stupid Sheep, he heard Dazai's angry thoughts, shouldn't affect him now that he has the Flags. Chuuya was just a sad little lump at this point and he remembered thinking to ditch the party after, like, ten more minutes.

"So what am I stupid for?" Dazai tried to start their insulting game again.

"Ha? Ah, just everything," Chuuya countered weakly, not really feeling like being able to put up with Dazai. Come on, be your loud annoying self. The bandage waster had a rather strange way of cheering him up.

"Everything? Always knew that stupid hat would eat away your brain, you can't even come up with a good insult." Real Chuuya saw that Lippman wanted to say something, but Pianomann quietly silenced him with a look.

"Hm, good insults would be a waste on you," Chuuya said without the usual fire.

"You aren't even capable of good insults," Dazai proclaimed but Chuuya just made a noise in response. "I mean, what is there even to insult? I'm amazing and can do everything better than you." Take the bait, I'm making it so easy, come on!

"You wish," and it seemed as though Chuuya got a little invested in their bickering again. "Name one thing you're better at!" Finally.

"Mhm, my incredible charm?" He asked with a wink, at least Chuuya thought he winked. Couldn't really tell because of the bandage around his other eye. Young Chuuya made a barfing sound. "Oh? Chibi insists on having more charm?"

"I definitely do! And I can prove it!"

"How?"

"I—" Chuuya looked around for a bit, eyes scanning the people surrounding them, "—will get the number of a girl before you do!"

"Boo, that's boring," Dazai declined. "You probably know the girls already anyway, since you've been going to this party for months now."

"You are just scared!"

"Proving Chibi he doesn't have charm by letting poor innocent girls listen to his stuttering is booooring," the boy explained and before Chuuya could say anything, Pianomann chirped into the conversation.

"Dancing is charming. You could dance," he suggested and Dazai was immediately on board with it.

"That's a good idea. Yeah, Chibi should prove he has charm through dancing with me, so he doesn't traumatize a poor girl by stepping on her feet," it was sort of funny how Dazai could twist everything other people said just to get what he wanted. And this time he clearly wanted to dance. With Chuuya. Geez, his younger self was really blind.

"Dance with you? Blegh, disgusting!"

"Afraid to lose against my irresistible charm?"

"You don't have any charm!"

"Oh, so Chibi is afraid because he can't dance?"

"No, I just—", the redhead didn't seem to know what to say, so Dazai did what he did best: Use it to his advantage.

"Chuuya is afraid~" he teased and got a little louder. "Oh, the great former king of the sheep is afraid to lose to my charm!" Dazai dramatically moved to the middle of the clearing, voice loud enough to be heard over the music.

Ugh, what is his fucking problem?

No one wants him here so why is he making so much noise?

Can he just shut up, I'm trying to have a good time here.

Poor Chuuya, always being stuck with that waste of space.

The atmosphere of the memory changed again. The icky feeling was back, but Dazai put up his clowning, careless show. But why? Why put up with this if— You're doing this to cheer him up. You can handle this. No way. He put up with this just to cheer him up? Chuuya always used to think that Dazai didn't care about what others thought because he was always so indifferent, but now he knew that he cared in some way, but that he cared even more about Chuuya...Shit. Could he even face the real Dazai after all of this? The bandage wearer was now standing on the hood of the old mustang, looking at Chuuya and the icky atmosphere disappeared.

"I'm not afraid!" His younger version screamed at the top of his lungs and Dazai just laughed.

"Then prove it or otherwise I'll print in the Mafia newspaper that you are a scared chicken," he teased and held out a hand in the way you ask for a dance whilst lifting his eyebrow in a challenging way. "Are you that afraid to dance with me?"

"You disgusting piece of shit!" Chuuya spat out, but was already making his way to Dazai. "You good-for-nothing bandage waster." His ability wrapped his body in a slightly red glow, making his hair move smoothly and trees around them shake a little. He wasn't actively using his ability. He was just pissed off by Dazais shit-show. "You stupid dead fish," he took the hand Dazai still held out for him and his ability was canceled with the blue circles from 'No Longer Human'. What did those stupid whispering people know? Dazai's ability felt like soft waves washing over him, it wasn't making him feel defenseless at all. Maybe the people who thought that were just fucking weak. "I'm never afraid and certainly not of your pathetic ass."

"Then let's dance, Chibiko." Dazai just smiled and Chuuya glared at him as the music changed to a more danceable song.

Real Chuuya just stayed with the Flags, watched the first awkward steps of their younger versions. They were dancing on the small hood of a car which was weird at first, but they both got over that pretty fast. It was fun. It was one of Chuuya's favorite memories, he always felt like his surroundings disappeared as he danced with Dazai and now he can see that it must be the same for Dazai, because the scenery changed. Faces blurred and voices faded out. Just the car was in focus and the flag members standing beside Chuuya right now.

"Woah," Albatross sounded awestruck. "They are really dancing and they're amazing at it."

"They are also amazing at diving in that river in Egypt," Iceman commented dryly and made everyone laugh, except for Albatros.

"What river? Why are they diving?" He asked, confused, and Iceman just sighed.

"He meant that they are in denial," Pianoman took pity on the confused teen.

"Ah, but why a river that—"

"Just let it be, please," that was Lippman, who was rubbing two fingers in a calm circular motion against his temples.

"It's honestly crazy that they are in denial, just look at them," Doc said with a soft smile on his face, one that even reached his voice. And Chuuya's friends were looking at the dancing teens. As did the real Chuuya. The sight was mesmerizing: They totally got lost in that moment, laughed and giggled -which young Chuuya would later blame on the alcohol- and skillfully twirled each other around. They played with their abilities, Chuuya using his to jump a little higher and Dazai's being activated as soon as they touched, which created a lovely blue shine around them. "I wish I had that with someone," he sounded sulky and now his friends laughed.

"Naw, don't worry we'll find you a cute little girl," Lippman insisted.

"Or boy!" Albatross supplemented with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Why could he even hear them talk? There's no way Dazai is hearing this over the music and apart from that, he wasn't focused on anything but Chuuya right now. Real Chuuya started to walk closer to the car. Seeing their smiles and the happy gleam in their eyes. He loved this memory. Dancing with Dazai was the highlight of that night and to think it only happened because the bandage wearer tried to cheer him up made it an even sweeter memory. The song stopped and their dancing came to an end. Standing way too close to each other, breathing heavily while looking at each other with exhausted happiness.

"Did I prove myself?"

"Yeah," Dazai admitted in a hushed voice. "Is my charm irresistible?"

"Maybe, just a little," he softly answered, knowing that this little exchange wouldn't be used for blackmail. This quiet conversation was only for them. Sudden applause made them bring distance between them. The teens and the surrounding came all back into focus. All the others had watched them dance as well and now they cheered, which was their signal to get away from each other. "See?" Chuuya stated in a loud voice, for the crowd to hear. "Not scared!" And then Chuuya jumped down from the old car and walked back to his friends. No, you're never scared of me. Dazai fondly smiled watching Chuuya go to the Flags, who already started to tease him over the dance. Then he jumped off the car himself and walked away. Real Chuuya followed him interested. The partying people made room for Dazai, clearly still afraid, but being a little bit less hostile now. Dazai clearly searched for someone and seemed to know exactly where to find them, because he was confidently walking in a certain direction. They almost left the party, that's how far outside Dazai's goal was.

"Former King? Ha, he wasn't even that important. We are way better without him." Shirase.

"We should just leave. Please. This bumps me out seeing the Mafia everywhere. You said this would be fun!" A girl said. Chuuya didn't know her. She wasn't a member of the sheep as far as he knew and she definitely wasn't happy to be at this party.

"We needed to attend this to gather information—"

"Information?" Dazai decided to crash their little talk. "What for, Shirase?"

"Ugh, it's you," disgust was as clear as day in the other boy's voice and facial expression.

"Jup, it's silly old me and you should just get the fuck away before I tell everyone that you were attending this party for information. The Mafia doesn't really like little lambs that try to use our parties for intel." His gaze was icy cold and his smile was sinister. "We slaughter them." The girl shrunk down in fear, her voice trembling as she asked, begged, Shirase to leave.

"Are you sure that you don't just dance with them?" The other boy mocked, despite his obvious fear. "Because you, the oh-so scary demon prodigy, seemed to have a lot of fun doing so." God, Chuuya always forgot how stupid the other boy used to be. You should only every piss off Dazai if you could handle it.

"Chuuya isn't a scared little lamb," Dazai said in an even voice. "He is part of the Port Mafia now. A way better organization than The Sheep that was just using him."

"Oh, that being said by the expert of using people is almost an honor for poor little Chuuya," Shirase clearly hadn't realized that he just stepped on a frozen lake that just waited for the best way to drown him. "Don't play all high and mighty, you piece of shit. You made Chuuya turn against us in the first place."

"No, I didn't. That's all on you. You didn't believe him. You sheep always counted on him for every careless mistake you made. Because Chuuya owed you that, right? Because you saved him when he was little, right? Disgusting," Dazais voice was hissing in a way that reminded Chuuya of the warning a venomous snake gave before striking and killing a threat. But the difference was that Shirase wasn't a threat, no, he was the scared little mouse that would be devoured.

"You don't get to say that, you—" Shirase couldn't finish whatever he wanted to say because Dazai made a big yawning sound, acting totally bored and indifferent.

"This conversation is boring. You should just go."

"I'm not scared of you!"

"Oh? Okay, then be my guest and stay, but I will make sure that the little weapons you keep stealing will be discovered." Dazai said with a friendly smile but a voice that easily cut through stone.

"How—"

"What? Did you think we wouldn't notice? You aren't as sly as you think. Actually, you're pretty dumb. A dumb little lamb and now leave this party or be slaughtered." That was the final warning and it seemed to get through Shirase's thick skull.

"I'm only leaving because this party is lame anyway. Not because I'm scared!" The boy said unconvincingly and grabbed the girl's wrist to make her follow.

"That was so scary," the girl whispered before they disappeared behind the trees. Dazai just smiled. But that was weird. Chuuya remembered being told that someone else got rid of Shirase and—

"Woah," sounded an awestruck voice behind Dazai which made his smile disappear immediately, eyes wide in shock. But as he turned around, he faced Albatross with a bored expression. "That was so cool! I wanted to scare the boy of myself, but holy shit, you did it way better than I ever could!" Dazais eyes scanned the surroundings, coming to the conclusion that the strawberry blond boy was the only one who witnessed this.

"It was nothing. I'm just allergic to dumb boys," he tried to play it down. Fuck, if he tells this Chuuya, I'm screwed. And oh no, that wasn't true at all. Young Chuuya would've felt so much better knowing that Dazai made Shirase disappear. Because that meant that he did care. Real Chuuya knows that now and he wished that young Chuuya did, too.

"No," Albatross grinned, "you did that because of that river!"

"Huh? What river— What are you talking about?" A confused Dazai looked cute. But that was nothing new to Chuuya. His younger self discovered that fact ages ago.

"You like Chuuya! That's why you shooed that boy away, because he made him sad!" Albatross declared.

"I don't like him, I'm just being a good owner and making sure that my dog doesn't have to play with stupid dogs. Otherwise Chuuya might get even more stupid then he already is and that would be fatal," Dazai explained, but Albatross was having none of it.

"Naw, you hide behind that little bet you made. You use it as an excuse to care. That's so adorable," he snickered.

"I am not adorable!" The feared demon prodigy said in a really adorable way. His eyes were closed tight, his ears were getting a little pink and his hands were balled into fists. Chuuya giggled at that.

"Whatever you say, buddy," the older boy dismissed with a smile. "Now let's go and tell Chuuya what you just did," Albatross declared and caught Dazais wrist in his grip.

"What? No!" The bandage wearer tried to lose the hand that was towing him along, but to no use. Dazai was intelligent and he could turn your own words against you in the blink of an eye, but he wasn't particularly strong. His ability also wasn't made for fighting, so he didn't stand a chance against Albatross. He still tried to wiggle out, complaining that it 'hurt' and 'pain is shit', but the other boy's grip was merciless. Dazai stopped his attempts as soon as they got into the sight of other people, now looking totally unfazed even though his mind was running wild with every step they made in Chuuya's direction.

"Looks like Albatross found our little charmer," Pianoman said amused as they got in earshot. Young Chuuya had his back turned to them and before he could spin around, Albatross tossed Dazai against him, making them collide. The younger boy stumbled a little till he stood steady once again as Chuuya turned around.

"What the fuck, Dazai! I almost spilled my drink," Chuuya complained immediately. But the real Chuuya was stunned. His younger self looked beautiful, light surrounded him and his eyes shone so bright and what the fuck is this? He didn't look like this. He looked like shit that night. After all that dancing, Chuuya just barfed because his body wanted to remind him that being a little drunk and moving pretty fast didn't go well together. Beautiful, absolutely mesmerizing. Woah. Dazai really did have a crush on him, huh? And it definitely wasn't a small one. Wait. This is his memory, so...Chuuya is looking at himself through Dazai's eyes. And the brown eyes of the younger boy had a really endearing filter. Chuuya couldn't help but smile.

"Come on! Say it!" Albatross demanded in an impatient tone.

"Say what?" Chuuya looked at Albatross and then at Dazai again.

"Eh," Dazai said and then he seemed to realize that he was supposed to be the smart one, 'cause he grinned and was starting to play his part again. "Oh nothing, just that Albatross here," he pointed at the boy, "scared the sheep boy away!"

Simultaneously and like a pistol shot, that earned him two exclamations of 'What?': a confused one from Chuuya and a no less confused, but undoubtedly more tense one from Albatross.

"It was so sweet. Albatross really tried so hard to scare Shirase and he was so good at it too! Really, I almost couldn't have done it better myself if I ever wanted to. He was all like 'lambs like you are only going to get slaughtered here'," Dazai began to explain the scenario that never happened.

"He's lying!" Albatross said in a slightly pissed way, still confused as to why Dazai decided to twist the truth like that.

"Oh Albatross, no need to get embarrassed about the fact that you care for the little Chibi," Dazai mocked as if he didn't put up this whole act because he was embarrassed himself and couldn't face knowing that Chuuya knew he cared.

"Chuuya, I swear Dazai was the one who—" he tried to clear up the situation, but, in a way, this was Dazai's revenge for being dragged here by the strawberry blond boy. Because now Dazai was in his element and Albatross at his mercy. Dazai wasn't strong, but twisting words and making up lies in the blink of an eye? Yes, that was his strength and Albatross didn't stand a chance.

"Me? You seem to get something mixed up here, buddy: Chuuya is my dog and thus, he has the honor to protect me, not the other way around," he said and dodged Chuuya's kick with ease. "So you should really thank your knight in shining armor, Chibi," Dazai declared and grabed the red cup out of Chuuyas hand, who was so confused that he just let it happen. With his other hand, Dazai pushed Chuuya in Albatross's direction, making them collide in a way that could resample a hug, while he downed Chuuyas drink. Totally ignoring the gazes of the other flag members and setting the empty cup on the booze table, where he also snatched three small vodka bottles and slid them into his coat pockets. "Well, this was fun," he then said in a voice that teased that he would be going now. "But I should go now."

"What?" Albatross was still deeply confused, "Why?"

"I have a mission in a few hours and maybe sleep wouldn't be that bad," he explained even though everyone here knew that it was a lie. And not even a good one: Dazai's sleep schedule was so chaotic that it practically didn't even exist. Chuuya knew that the manic insomniac either only slept after one of his suicide attempts or he straight up fell asleep in the weirdest places every time his body demand the sleep it so desperately craved. "So yeah, my cue to leave now. But thanks for having me," he made a little bow and it was only partly out of mockery.

"But you just came here," Chuuya mumbled out, surprised, as he tried to hide that the thought of Dazai leaving made him somewhat sad.

"Naw, does Chuuya want me to stay?" Dazai asked, a teasing smirk on his face. Please, say yes. Please just—

"As if!" Young Chuuya spat out, doing his best to cover up the fact that he really wanted that. "You can die in a ditch for all I care!" Figured as much.

"Oh, what a lovely idea, maybe I will do just that. Thanks, Chibi!"

"You can't be fucking serious!" That was loud, but it didn't startle anyone as the real Chuuya was the one screaming it at the top of his lungs. This was so fucking frustrating to watch. It was so obvious that they both wanted him to be and stay at the party. It was almost ridiculous, really. How could they both be so blind?

The first thing he'd do after getting out of this fucked up ability was to punch Dazai. He was supposed to be the smart one here! He should be able to see through Chuuya's defense mechanisms, but no, apparently he decided to be stupid and just leave the party.

"Do you want to go after him?" Lippmann asked as Chuuya stared down the path where Dazai had disappeared.

"Tze," Chuuya made. "Why should I? I only invited him because I lost the bet." Yeah. That's right. One of Dazais fondest memories was just the result of a lost bet. And he didn't even get to see them dancing on that old car, because apparently it wasn't important enough to stay in Chuuya's memories. Fuck. He was so screwed. Chuuya would know everything about his pathetic little crush after seeing his memories. This wasn't fair. He hated every stupid second of this ability.

Chuuya paid no mind to his younger version that stared sadly at Dazai's leaving silhouette. He knew what happened after the bandage waster left. Young Chuuya would hide his feelings behind the bet and just get fucking wasted. Regretting that decision as soon as he had to deal with the hungover the next morning and the sudden realization that he couldn't drown his feelings in alcohol, since his stupid feelings seemed to wear little life jackets, leaving him with the bitter thought that he did care about Dazai, right before running to the bathroom to throw up. So, naturally, the real Chuuya was running after Dazai, like his younger self should have done back then.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He heard Dazai curse. "Demon prodigy, my ass," he said while clutching his brown fluffy hair in a tight grip. "I can't do shit. Why can't I just say 'Hey, Chuuya, I care about you -yeah, disgusting, I know- but I made Shirase leave so could we maybe dance again? Because that was the most fun I ever had' and be done with it?" Dazai opened a little vodka bottle and emptied it in two big gulps. "Can't be that hard, can it? Apparently it is for a so-called genius!" He angrily kicked a little pebble out of his way as he continued to walk down the hill back to the city. "Damn, I'm so pathetic with this stupid little crush of mine. Maybe I should just say 'I like your stupid fucking gorgeous face' and let him kick me to death," he mumbled and sighed, already pulling out the second bottle.

"Wow, I knew you were a mess but I didn't think you were an even messier gay mess," a voice said and Dazai's faced twisted into something of pure horror. He didn't turn around. He knew it was Albatross and only Albatross that stood a few meters behind him. Chuuya didn't even realize that he wasn't the only one who followed Dazai, but he was in Dazai's memories and the young boy was definitely not expecting this, so it made sense that his memories didn't show Albatross following him.

"Bisexual mess," Dazai corrected on autopilot, clearly still in shock.

"Oh, so at least you've got your sexuality figured out."

"Are you here to laugh at me?" Dazai's voice was as cold as ice. "Then go ahead." Dazai sounded tough but on the inside he was panicking. He was so afraid that Chuuya just wanted to hug him.

"No, I'm not. Listen—" Albatross stated, closing the distance between them, until he stood next to the younger boy. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you—"

"I clearly put you in a spot back there and made you feel so insecure that you decided to leave the party," Albatross explained with a hand up to his neck. "I'm sorry for ruining your night."

"I'm not insecure," he defended himself, but it came out flat.

"Buddy, I listened to your whole ass monolog," the older boy said and placed a gentle hand on Dazai's shoulder which caused him to look at the other. "It's okay to be insecure," he assured him with a gentle smile. "Actually, it's sort of cute and sweet that you always have your shit together and are the smart and feared demon prodigy, but as soon as you talk to Chuuya, your brain gets all mushy." Yeah, Chuuya thought that it was really endearing. "But even though I would pay you a lot of money to go back up there and just say 'I like your stupid fucking gorgeous face' to Chuuya, we should definitely take a different approach."

"We?" Dazai had a puzzled look on his face and Albatross just smiled at him warmly.

"Yeah, we are in this together now. Because you clearly aren't diving in that river, you just need a push in the right direction," he fondly said which left Dazai even more baffled.

"What is it with you and rivers?" He asked and Albatross smirked.

"The others," he pointed back up the hill, "watched you two dance and were like 'they are so diving in that river in Egypt', which, apparently, is called 'Denial'. We thought you two are in denial. But you, my friend, already admitted to having a huge crush on Chuuya."

"I never said 'huge' crush", Dazai commented weakly. "But there is no river in Egypt named 'Denial', it's a pun."

"How so?"

"Well 'the Nile' -which is the actual river in Egypt- kinda sounds like 'denial'. So yeah, that's the joke," Dazai elucidated, which earned him a sound of acknowledgement from the older boy.

"So smart, but unable to admit you care for Chuuya," the strawberry blond boy giggled and he did have a point there.

"That's just— Chuuya doesn't even— He wouldn't care that I care," and oh, Chuuya was really surprised how the smartest person he knew was somehow also the dumbest person he knew.

"Of course he would! Didn't you see his sad little face when you decided to leave?" Oh. That's why Chuuya could see his sad face even though Dazai was already walking away and this is the reason why he could hear the Flags talk: Albatross told Dazai and Dazai's genius mind just put it into place.

"He looked sad?" Dazai couldn't hide how his lips tugged up in a shaky little smile. Albatross grinned, which made Dazai shut down immediately. "I don't care."

"God, just adorable. But don't worry, you beautiful, insecure, bisexual mess—"

"Hey!"

"—I, the great Albatross, am going to be your faithful wingman," he spoke in a very dramatic way, clutching his chest over his clothes.

"Wing— I don't need a wingman!"

"Oh, you certainly do, young warrior," Albatross was having a blast with this. "And who would be a better wingman than me. I mean, come on: My name's Albatross, after all!" He grinned proudly.

"I— What would you even do as a wingman?" Dazai asked, sounding kinda small and shy all of a sudden. God, Chuuya could just die and the cause of his death would be a sugar shock, because Dazai was behaving way too sweet right now.

"Well, first of all, you get to talk to me about your little crush so you don't go around monologuing your feelings like some sort of supervillain" Albatross deadpanned. "And secondly, I'll get Chuuya to spend more time with you. I'll be your man on the inside!"

"But, why help me?" The younger boy seemed really perplexed by the unexpected support he suddenly got. "What do you gain from this?" Well, Albatross probably found the whole situation just as frustrating as the real Chuuya did only a few minutes ago. So yeah, him helping made sense.

"Because Chuuya is my friend and you deeply care about him. I know you'll make him happy," his voice was so soft and the smile was so sweet. Chuuya wanted to cry. Albatross was dead. "Apart from that, it's actually pretty amusing seeing the demon prodigy all like 'Please notice me, Chuuya. I am so adorable'," he joked a little but kinda regretted that as he saw the way Dazais face sunk in.

"So you want to make fun of me, after all?" Chuuya really wanted to punch Albatross for making Dazai sound so vulnerable.

"No! I was just joking a little, but not to— Not to make you feel bad. Why should I ever laugh at your feelings? I take them very seriously, but teasing you when you are all mushy like this is fun, I mean no harm and if you really want me to stop—"

"No, it's fine. Talking about feelings is just new to me, so sorry for overreacting, I guess," Dazai said, hiding the little smile behind his fist that pushed against his mouth, in a way to help suppress his emotions. His attempt failed adorably.

"Don't apologize. If I ever cross a line, tell me and then I will immediately stop," Albatross said and Dazai nodded. "Good."

"Hey, you won't go around and tell everyone about this, right?" The fear that had been plaguing Dazai for the entirety of their conversation finally surfaced.

"Of course not. This stays between us," he reassured with a serious face and then a teasing smirk grew on his face. "I want to enjoy being the only one seeing you this flustered. I have to enjoy every second of it, because as soon as Chuuya sees this side of you, he is selfishly going to monopolize it!" And this time Dazai just laughed at the tease and the way Albatross playfully hugged him as if he were a drowning man. The older boy was right in a way: If young Chuuya would've witnessed this down-right adorable behavior, he maybe wouldn't be in his state of denial for much longer.

"I'm not flustered," Dazai protested and Albatross just touched his slightly pink ears.

"You kinda are. Your face doesn't show it, but your ears light up!"

"That's a lie," Dazai covered his ears immediately while Albatross just started to laugh at the scene.

"So, let's make this official! You still have the little bottles of vodka, right?" He asked and Dazai just pulled out the two still full bottles, handing one over to Albatross. "Ah, perfect, so-" He struggled a bit to open his bottle, "-let's raise a glass to our newly found friendship and our mission!"

"What's the name of the mission?" Dazai inquired interested.

"Name, eh, well, hm... Ah! Let's raise a glass to our mission: Drowning in a blue river!"

"Drowning? As in suicide?" Dazai sounded very happy, excited even.

"Yeah, kinda knew you'd like that but now—" And Albatross didn't get to down his vodka in celebration, because Dazai kept having more questions.

"But why blue? Like, why say that, don't most rivers seem blue because of the light effects?"

"Yeah, well probably, but I was referring to Chuuyas eyes so—"

"You also think about drowning in his beautiful eyes?" Dazai was so ecstatic right now and Albatross couldn't handle it. The older teen just wanted to seal the deal and drink.

"Well, no, but I thought you would like that meta—"

"I definitely do, this is—"

"Dazai!" And the younger boy shut up. "Please," Albatross sounded so pained right now, "can we finally toast to this?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," and with that, they clinked their vodka bottles together while both cheering 'To our mission', immediately celebrating the declaration by downing their drinks.

"Fucking finally," Albatross laughed a little bit as he tossed his empty bottle away, whereas Dazai carefully placed it back in his coat. "Now, give me your number." Dazai just handed him his phone.

"You are not going to be obvious about the whole wingman thing, right? Like, Chuuya will not suspect a thing, right?" Dazai asked a little jittery as he watched Albatross type in his name and number before calling himself to save Dazais contact later in his own phone.

"Obvious? No, don't worry: He won't know what hit him!"

Well, in a way, Albatross was right, Chuuya really didn't know what hit him...

"So, when are you two going to fuck out that sexual tension?" Albatross asked casually and the real Dazai wanted to die so badly right now as he watched Chuuya spit out his drink in a shocked manner. Chibi was complaining about Dazai and then Albatross said that.

"Wh—Aht," Chuuya wheezed weakly between coughs that shook his little body.

"Well, you tell me you hate him, but you basically talk about him all the time," Albatross seemed totally unfazed by Chuuyas reaction.

"What's your point?!" Chuuya barked as soon as coughs didn't interrupt him anymore.

"My point is that maybe you don't actually hate him, but like him instead?"

"So gross!" With that, Chuuya jumped up and immediately left Albatross's apartment. "Move, jackass!" He screamed and, a few seconds later, a very confused young Dazai was standing in the doorway.

"What did I do this time?"

"Nothing, buddy. Wanna order pizza?"

And the memory faded as soon as Chuuya was out of earshot. Well. What did Dazai expect when he made Albatross his wingman? This was so embarrassing. Please let this be the only time the older teen said something stupid like that!

God. Dazai was probably enjoying himself in Chuuya's memories because of Albatross's subtle wingman-behavior. The older male was an expert at steering any conversation in Dazai's direction. Honestly. Albatross did his job really well, a little too well. Chuuya was -it was really silly- feeling kinda jealous that Albatross spent so much time with Dazai. At that time, he couldn't really pinpoint whom he was jealous of, but he figured it out after snapping at both of them.

Right now, they were at Chuuya's place. The older Flag members decided to throw a birthday party for Chuuya. He was turning sixteen and they all convinced him to actually celebrate his birthday. The only condition Chuuya had was that he didn't want any presents and they all agreed, even if they didn't like that. So it was basically just Albatross, Lippmann, Iceman, Doc, and Chuuya sitting in his room on the red couch, eating cake and watching a movie. Dazai was also there because Albatross was a really good wingman and pulled the right strings to make Chuuya invite the bandage waster. But since there wasn't enough room for all of them on the couch, Dazai sat on a chair that was standing beside the sofa. Albatross tried to switch places with him, but Chuuya didn't let him. So yeah, Dazai was just sitting beside them, actually divided from the others by the armrest of the couch. Dazai looked around and Chuuya remembered that his younger self thought that it seemed like the bastard tried to memorize the whole fucking place and damn, he was right. Dazai was exactly doing that: Looking around, focusing on every little crack in the paint on the walls and even being able to memorize the whole ass movie even if he didn't really pay attention to it. And the real Chuuya was standing in his scarily accurate memories, kinda regretting that he didn't let Albatross switch with Dazai because he looked so out of place. He looked so small and tense on that chair, but his thoughts were all content like Chuuya invited me and He wanted me here on his birthday and the real Chuuya just wanted to hug all the tenseness out of him.

"It's almost midnight!" Albatross declared and jumped up from the couch. They decided to celebrate into Chuuya's birthday. Real Chuuya stared at the clock: 11:50pm.

"Really, I don't need one of your weird ass toasts," the redhead just sighed, still not exactly happy with the thought that they were celebrating his birthday. He didn't need that. Birthdays were not that special to him. Besides, he couldn't really remember his childhood and all the birthdays he's probably had. Celebrating it was just like pretending to be a normal human and it didn't sit well with him.

"Weird? My toasts are excellent! Dazai, buddy, please tell Chuuya that—" Albatross stopped talking as he looked over to Dazai. The younger boy had his eyes closed and was leaning in a really weird angle against the backrest of the couch. The strawberry blond boy carefully walked over to the boy. "Unbelievable. He's asleep. How the fuck is he sleeping in that position?" Now all of them were getting off the couch to gather around the sleeping Dazai.

"I honestly thought he would just do some kind of blood-ritual instead of sleeping," Doc said while poking the sleeping boy in the cheek. "What now? Should we wake him?"

"Nah, let him sleep. That bastard wouldn't wake up anyway," young Chuuya said, watching Dazai sort of relieved.

"How do you know?" Lippman asked and Chuuya just shrugged. Everyone was staring at him, waiting for an explanation, and then he sighed.

"You all know he's an insomniac. And since he doesn't really sleep, at least not enough, his body just takes the sleep he's depriving it of. With the worst timing imaginable." The others wanted to know an example so Chuuya told them of the time he was on a mission with the sleep-deprived boy: Dazai was at the wheel of the car since Chuuya needed to focus on protecting them and his insomniac ass just fell asleep. Then Dazai crashed the car and he fucking slept through it.

"What?!" His friends screamed as he reached the car-crash-part of his story.

"Did you tell the boss?" Iceman wanted to know. "He endangered you and your mission."

"Of course not and you won't either!" Chuuya demanded and gave his friends a glare.

"Chuuya, you should really—", Pianoman was cut off.

"No! Look, I did that once. I told the boss the first time it happened and he gave him sleeping pills and Dazai," his voice broke a little, "he just took them all at once." The group made little 'oh' sounds and just stared at the sleeping boy. "Mori probably expected that to happen so it wasn't enough, obviously," he pointed vaguely at Dazai, "but I never want to see him like— I just— Don't tell anyone. And just never let him drive a car, he's terrible at it anyways." It had been a horrible sight when he found him. He was just walking around aimlessly, just enjoying the weather and the fact that Dazai hadn't shown his annoyingly stupid face in quite a bit. And then he saw the body laying on the old bench in front of the river. Curiously, he had walked up and then realized that it was stupid Dazai. It luckily didn't take him long till he drew the right conclusions after seeing the empty pill bottle. He immediately dragged him to Mori.

"Okay," Pianoman simply said, gently placing a hand on Chuuyas shoulder in a comforting way. So, naturally, Chuuya immediately straightened his shoulders so that it slid off him. "We never let him drive and we let him sleep. We're going to keep an eye on him," every one of his friends agreed.

"And now we all need a fucking drink," Albatross decided, already having glasses in his hand and a sect bottle. "I'll even spare you the toast, birthday boy." Chuuya's gaze jumped to the clock and it was midnight. "But I think we should sing you a—"

"If you start to sing now I'll kick you out, just give me the booze already, please," Chuuya said, so done with Albatross's shit and all of his friends just snickered. It was nice. Albatross probably told Dazai everything, otherwise the real Chuuya wouldn't be able to witness this memory. They clinked their glasses and Chuuya allowed Albatross to do a really short toast. His friends stayed till 1am, then they started to leave one by one.

"What about Dazai?" Albatross asked as he was already standing in the doorway, ready to leave.

"I'll just kick him out when his three hours of sleep are over. Till then I clean or draw on his stupid sleeping face. I haven't decided what I should do first yet." And with that, he closed the door on the older boy, who just went to his own apartment upstairs. Chuuya looked around and sighed, starting to collect the plates and the glasses to rinse and clean them in the kitchen sink. Then he suddenly stopped, mumbling something as he stepped closer to Dazai. He watched him for a few seconds and then slid his arms under the sleeping figure to carry him to the couch. After that, he finished cleaning the plates. Real Chuuya was kinda impressed, Dazai was really good at guessing what Chuuya did while he was sleeping. He just got the order wrong.
The first thing young Chuuya really did was carry Dazai to the couch, then he started cleaning.

"Slept well?" And that got the head of young and real Dazai spinning in Chuuya's direction. "The others left a while ago." Right. Chuuya's 16th birthday. Dazai remembered pathetically falling asleep at the party. So embarrassing.

"Oh, did I really fall asleep? Lame," young Dazai said, sleep still evident in his voice.

"Yeah," Chuuya was still not looking at him, washing the stupid dishes instead. "Really lame."

"So I should leave now, right? But before I do-" Dazai was standing up and walking towards his coat, digging something out of the pocket "-where is it...Ah!" After fishing something out of the pocket, he closed the distance between him and Chuuya, clearly hiding something behind his back. Not that he really had to, Chuuya was still not paying attention to him. "Here, for you," he just pushed the gift into Chuuya's eyesight.

"I didn't want any presents," the redhead just said, still doing the fucking dishes.

"Oh," Dazai said, slowly taking the present out of Chuuyas view. "I didn't know that." Chuuya sighed and finally turned to face him.

"Well, now that you actually got me a present, I should just open it," he said and reached out his hand. Dazai immediately placed the present in his palm. "Wow, I think this is the ugliest wrapped gift I've ever seen. Not your strong suit, huh?"

"It's the first present I ever wrapped and I don't think it's that ugly," he defended the gift. The paper was a light blue and all crinkled up. All over the paper were stripes of tape and there were a few spots where Dazai just gave up and used duct tape to make the stubborn paper stay in place. Small cracks in the paper were covered with a lot of tape. It looked really sad. Still, he did put in an effort and this stupid wrapping costed him so much time and was really frustrating. So it kinda hurt that Chuuya was just judging it, even if he was right: It did look ugly.

"The first gift you ever wrapped, should I feel honored?" Chuuya mocked, but started to tear the paper apart, using a little bit of his ability to get rid of the annoying duct tape. He finally freed his present of the ugly wrapping and just stared at it. "That's the dog from the arcade machine." In Chuuyas palm sat a plushie that was roughly fifteen centimeters tall. It was a light brown Shiba Inu in a kawaii style with an adorable angry expression.

"Yeah, I saw you furiously kick the machine a week ago so I thought his angry expression is the perfect gift for you," he explained. It was a real pain to get that dumb dog out of the claw-machine. The machine was clearly rigged and it was driving him insane, but he won. It took him 27 tries, not that he would ever admit that. No, if Chuuya were to ask, he got it on the first try.

"You weren't even invited a week ago," Chuuya called him out. Ah, awkward. Dazai's younger self wanted to give him a present even before he knew about the party, but then Albatross persuaded Chuuya to actually invite him.

"At first I just wanted to show off that I got it on the first try, but then your birthday party came up and I thought: Yeah, that's perfect," being a liar really saved him a lot of awkward situations.

"You didn't get it on the first try, don't lie to me! That stupid machine is rigged."

"Oh, but I did, Chuuya. I'm a genius, remember?" He just replied with a smug grin that had Chuuya rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he dropped the topic and looked fondly at the little plushie. Then he lifted his gaze to face Dazai again. "Thank you," he said quietly with a little smile on his face.

"Happy birthday, Chuuya."

The memory faded and Dazai just stared into the white abyss with a soft smile on his face.

"The Flag members know," Albatross said in a small voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell them, but I maybe pushed Chuuya a little too far, because he kinda snapped at me and then they wanted to know why I kept teasing him." They were sitting on Dazais bed in his little container. Dazai just looked at the older teen, quietly looking into his soul. Chuuya didn't really know when this conversation happened, but he vaguely guessed that it was probably a month after his birthday. God, it was so cute that Dazai got him that stupidly adorable plushie. Especially, since it took him 27 tries to get it. Chuuya pushed the newly discovered information aside to focus on the current memory.

"That's okay," the younger one said after a while of silence.

"No, it's not. Look, I promised you to—" Albatross was really worked up over this.

"You didn't really promise me anything, you just said you wouldn't tell anyone," Dazai corrected and he was right, but—

"Same difference." Exactly. It was the same as a promise, because Albatross knew how insecure Dazai was about this. The bandage wearer just sighed.

"You are really worked up over this. I'm not angry at you. It's okay," the younger boy clarified.

"You should be, really, I—"

"Okay. Tell me what happened exactly."

"What?"

"Tell me who said what and who looked at who. Just tell me everything you remember," Dazai explained what he wanted to hear. "And then everything is fine. I mean, it already is, but you don't seem to believe me so do that and we are even."

"Oh, okay. So it was, like, roughly an hour ago in my apartment," he started to recount his memories and the container suddenly turned to Albatross's apartment. Dazai was imagining it. It looked so real. They even sat on a bigger looking bed. "And the others were talking about—"

"Where did they sit?"

"—Oh, eh," Albatross closed his eyes, using his arms to point in different directions to orient himself. "Lippman and Pianoman were sitting on the chairs at my little table," and as the older teen said that, Dazai imagined them sitting exactly there. God. Dazai's mind was a masterpiece. "Chuuya was spinning around in my office chair," and now an imagined Chuuya was doing just that. "Iceman just sat on the bed leaning against the wall."

"Mhm, was he in the middle of the bed or—"

"He was lying on the left side, not on the edge exactly, but close to it." And now Iceman was doing just that. "I was just, sitting on my bed like I usually do, you know?" A second Albatross appeared, sitting on the edge of his bed, rather in the center and having a really slumped posture.

"Okay. What did each of you say? When did it start to spiral?"

"Oh, well let me think..." Albatross closed his eyes again, trying to remember how he steered the former topic to Dazai. "Ah," he opened his eyes again, "we were talking about the gem market and then I said that..." And now something amazing happened: Albatross's voice faded out and was only a background noise. The imagined Flag members were talking now.

"Well, Dazai used to handle the market, after all, so of course—"

"Why do you always have to bring him up?" That was Chuuya, who stopped spinning around in the office chair to glare at Albatross.

"What?"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" He asked, sounding pissed. "It doesn't matter what the fuck we talk about, you always change the topic to him."

"I do?" He feigned innocence, but it wasn't really convincing.

"Yes, don't you dare to play dumb!" Chuuya raised his voice. "So why the fuck do you do that?"

"Well, he's not that bad? I think you would actually get along, if you would—"

"Oh, so you think I'm the reason we don't get along? You're telling me I'm the problem?!" Chuuya jumped out of his chair.

"That's not what he meant, Chuuya," Pianoman tried to assuage, but the redhead didn't care.

"That's exactly what he implied!" He yelled. "Dazai is the one insulting me every single time we talk!"

"But you do insult him back," Doc interjected, just to get silenced by an angry glare.

"He started it!"

"You're old—" Lippman tried, but Chuuya was having none of that 'you're older than him' talk.

"I'm only a few months older than him so why the fuck should I put up with his bullshit?!"

"That wasn't what I was going to say," Lippman sounded really pissed now. "Before you fell into my word like a fucking brat, I meant to say that you're old enough to stand above the insults and be a little bit mature, but hey, maybe that was a wrong assumption."

"Okay, okay, everyone, please calm down, I didn't mean to start a fight," Albatross tried to calm the discussion but regretted it immediately, because now everyone was focused on him.

"That's right, you started this. You and your weird focus on Dazai. When did you even start to hang out with him?" Doc wanted to know and now Chuuya looked confused.

"You actually hang out?" His anger was completely gone. His voice was timid and he looked small all of the sudden.

"Yeah, it just happened and after seeing the inside of his stupid container you would also change your mind about hating him so much," Albatross joked a little, but realized his mistake as he saw how Chuuyas eyebrows were drawn together in irritated furry.

"He let you in his container? He never lets anyone in there!"

"It's really not that big of a deal to him," and Albatross accidently just kept saying more and more things that riled Chuuya up.

"Oh, what? Are you the fucking Dazai-expert now?!" Chuuya spat out, suppressed anger clear in his voice.

"What, no, I—"

"Why the fuck do you hang out with him anyway?" The redhead interrupted.

"I already told you, he's not that bad, really, just start to hang out with him and you realize that he's actually a pretty decent guy," Albatross calmly explained, but it was no use. Young Chuuya just completely misinterpreted this entire situation and he was stupidly going to confront that misinterpretation.

"'Pretty decent guy?' Are you in fucking love with him or some shit?" Yeah, Chuuya really regretted saying that.

"In love—" Albatross lifted his hand in confused defense, trying to make sense of what Chuuya just said. "Where did you pull that conclusion from? I don't—" and then Albatross started to understand and his irritated facial expression was replaced by a smug one, his chin now resting on his hands. "Are you jealous?" He asked with a grin.

"Jealous?!" Chuuya shrieked, his ability glowing around him in confused anger and denial. "Why the fuck should I be jealous? You can go fuck out that sexual tension with that bastard and live happily ever after in that stupid container of his for all I fucking care!" He declared, screaming very loudly as he hurried to leave the room and slammed the door shut behind him, still screaming insults as he started to go downstairs to his own apartment.

"What just happened?"

"You pushed him too far, that happened," Pianoman just sighed exhaustedly.

"What did he mean by 'sexual tension'? You only just turned 18, please don't tell me you're fucking a minor," Iceman commented, looking at him with disgust even though his voice was completely neutral.

"Ew, no! Listen I am not in love with that kid" Albatross clarified.

"Yeah, figured, but why do you spend so much time with him lately? When did you become friends?" Pianoman asked, intrigued, and the others were clearly interested in that answer too. Well, maybe except for Iceman.

"I—" He paused. "What I'm about to say is never going to leave this room." The others hesitated for a second, exchanging glances, but then nodded slowly. "I swear if I find out that anyone did say even just one word about this, I will...well, I don't know what I'll do, but it will be very unpleasant!"

"Okay, just spit it out already," Doc pushed impatiently and Albatross sighed.

"Remember the first time Dazai was showing up at one of our parties?" He asked his friends.

"Yeah sure, that was roughly 5 months ago," Lippman said and Albatross nodded.

"Yeah, remember that Dazai told you guys that I got rid of that sheep boy?" They nodded. "Well, I didn't. Dazai did."

"Honestly, not that surprising, he acted pretty weird. I had a hunch that he was twisting the truth around a little bit," Pianoman interjected, closing his eyes as if to remember the scene.

"I pushed him to tell Chuuya and he clearly couldn't handle that and then he left. I felt like I ruined his night, so I went after him."

"I always wondered where you had disappeared to," Doc mumbled quietly.

"And Dazai was talking to himself, cursing himself for being stupid and not being able to tell Chuuya that he cared. He really scared me there for a second. Monologuing like that? I felt like I pushed him over the edge to become a supervillain," his friends snickered a little at that, even Iceman snorted amused. "And then he was talking all like 'I'm so pathetic with this stupid little crush of mine' and then I decided to announce my presence."

"Oh my, so he's not in denial, unlike our angry little gremlin?" Doc asked even though he already knew the answer. Gremlin? What's that supposed to mean?!

"I just couldn't leave him on his own devices, he was so adorably mushy about his crush and so I announced myself to be his wingman. That's why I started to hang out with him, but we're friends now," he finished their little friendship-story.

"I have to admit that you're a surprisingly good wingman—"

"Surprisingly?" Albatross asked, offended.

"—but you did take it a tad too far today," Lippman said and yeah, he was right. "So I guess we'll just stop you when you get too confident in your matchmaking abilities."

"Good idea. I will mention you all in my wedding speech. I'm already writing it, because they are so in love and Dazai gets all pink-eared as soon as someone mentions his little adorable Chibi, because he's all like 'Please notice me Chuuya' and—" The imagined scenario shattered.

"You did not really say that, did you?!" A panicked Dazai asked the older teen, who just laughed.

"Of course not, but I think it's pretty rude of you to just go face the imagined persons instead of looking at the person who is actually telling you all of this," Albatross teased and Dazai apologized in a sheepish manner. "Don't sweat it, buddy. Having such an amazing imagination is a good thing. Will probably get you through a lot of lonely nights—" He was interrupted as Dazai slapped him with pink ears. "Sorry, sorry. But your imagination is really nice. And your genius? It's almost frightening." Dazai just quietly raised an eyebrow. "Nothing, really? C'mon, that was such a good reference to that meme and— Wait. Dazai, do you know what memes are?" The younger teen opened his mouth. "And no, I don't want to hear a Google definition right now. I want you to actually quote a meme you know and don't you dare to recite my reference right now!" Dazai stayed awkwardly silent. "Oh, my sweet, innocent little angel," Albatross pulled the teen into a hug, "I am going to make a man of culture out of you." Ah. So it was Albatross's fault that Dazai occasionally just spammed Chuuya with memes.

Real Dazai followed a very angry Chibi whose destination seemed to be his old container home. Ah, right. He remembered this. Chuuya just banged aggressively against the container door, making the loud metallic sound spread through the quiet afternoon. The Chibi was looking like a furious dog. A small dog, a small angry dog: A Chuwawa. Real Dazai giggled a bit at that thought. It didn't take long till young Dazai opened his door, clearly annoyed until his gaze met Chuuyas. Then his expatriation turned into confusion.

"Why are you—" Young Dazai couldn't finish his question.

"Why the fuck do you let him into your stupid container, but not me?!" Chuuya snapped immediately, eyebrows drawn together, hands balled into fists and lip trembling. His ocean blue eyes swirled with emotions, making young and real Dazai drown in them. He looked so adorable, so alive, so unmistakingly human.

"Well," Dazai was stepping to the side inviting Chuuya in. "Do you want to?" The anger disappeared in the blink of an eye and Chuuya hurried inside. He looked around, his brows drawn together again, but this time they formed a sad expression as the older boy kept looking around.

"What do you even do for fun?"

The memory began to fade and the real Dazai screamed frustrated. Why was he only seeing fragments of their memory? And why didn't the ability let him see the wonderful memory that came after that conversation with Chuuya? That was so unfair! Dazai moved aimlessly around in the white abyss, still sulking about the fact that the ability was being mean to him.

Real Chuuya smiled fondly at their younger versions. They were currently half-sitting, half-laying in Dazai's bed, watching a movie over Chuuya's Laptop. The blanket wrapped around them, their bodies gently touching each other and a big pillow under their heads and backs. Young Chuuya was already asleep as the movie ended, but Dazai was wide awake.

"I know you think my container is sad," Dazais voice interrupted the credit music. "But it's actually nice when you're here," his soft smile was clear as day in his voice and the real Chuuya couldn't fight off his own smile, "because you make everything better." Dazai waited a few seconds and then he just turned to the older boy. "Chuuya?" He shyly asked. "Are you— Oh," he said as he saw the closed eyes and the evenly breathing movements. "You're asleep." Dazai sighed. "I waited for too long, hm?" Dazai closed the laptop and carefully placed it on his desk, moving really slowly in order not to wake the sleeping Chuuya in his bed. He positioned himself next to Chuuya again and watched the sleeping boy with a smile, staring at him for a few moments until he suddenly frowned. "Watching him sleep is probably creepy... but what am I supposed to do now?" He asked himself and the real Chuuya was amused by Dazai's helplessness. Dazai then reached for his phone and the real Chuuya decided to look over his shoulder. The younger boy just opened a text messenger and clicked on the chat with Albatross. Chuuya was pushing the feeling aside that he was prying into Dazai privacy, as that ship already sailed away the moment the ability started to show him the first memory.

Me

Help

SOS

Pls

A

L

B

A

T

R

O

S

S

Dazai really had a thing for spamming people. Especially at night since he couldn't really sleep because he was and still is an insomniac maniac. Chuuya read on the small clock on Dazais phone that it was 3:02am at the moment.

Albatross

Go to sleep

You being bored is not an emergency

Poor Albatross was clearly already used to Dazai's sleepless antics and Chuuya really pitied the older boy right now.

Me

Chuuya is here

He just fell asleep

What do I do?

Do I just leave?

Can I even do that?

I mean this is basically my house

God, Dazai was so adorably helpless with his emotions. It was endearing. Chuuya just wanted to lock him up and keep his mushy side all to himself... Probably not a good and healthy thought. Definitely a red flag. And also the exact behavior Albatross predicted. If he could, he definitely would monopolize this side of the bandage wearer.

Albatross

Don't leave!

Dazai was in the middle of typing as Chuuya's head suddenly fell on his shoulder. The younger boy immediately tensed up, slowly moving his head to gape at the still sleeping Chuuya. His ears turned pink and he was turning his attention back to his phone, panicky texting the older boy.

Me

HELP

His

Head

Is

On

My

Shoulder

Ahhhhhhhh

What do I do?

Is this my life now?

Am I just a pillow?

His bi panic was absolutely adorable and so was the fact that Dazai would really just play his pillow, trying to make less to no movements to not wake him up. God, he was such a dork, but a cute one.

Albatross

Calm down, buddy.

Just let him sleep or wake him up

Me

Wake him up?

An angel is laying on my shoulder and you just tell me to wake him up???

Monster

Demon

Apage satanas!

Real Chuuya laughed at every little angered huff and every scarily fast written message, especially at the last one. Dazai really liked that little phrase. It roughly translated to 'Go away, satan' as Chuuya found out years ago through Google translator.

Albatross

Is that fucking latin?

You know what? I'm not even surprised, of course you speak latin.

Me

What do I

D
O
O
O
O
O
O
O
O

Help meeeeeeee

Albatross

Listen to music? Watch some shit on YouTube? Do what I was doing -before ur panic ass woke me up- and sleep

Chuuya could feel Albatross's pain through the screen. The older one just desperately wanted to sleep, instead of listening to Dazai helpless bi panic. Chuuya smiled. Albatross really was a good friend. Chuuya blinked away the tears that were forming in his eyes. Albatross is dead.

Me

But I don't do sleep

Sleep is boring

And I don't have my headphones

And I don't want to wake Chuuya

Because he is an

Albatross

Because he is an angel

Yeah, yeah keep ur bi panic at room volume, pls

Me

A
N
G
E
L

Ah, perfect u already knew

Albatross

Enlighten me: How did this happen in the first place?

And while you explain that, I reevaluate my life decisions that led me to this exact moment where I'm listing to your bi shit at fucking 3AM

Did Dazai have a friend like Albatross at the agency? A friend who complained about being awake but still answered his phone to talk Dazai through his adorable panic? Could he be this open to anyone or was he quietly monologuing to himself. Did Dazai even still have a crush on him? Because Chuuya sure hoped he did.

Me

Okay so you and I were talking about Chuuya snapping at you, remember?

Albatross

Yeah, I remember

That was fucking yesterday

I was happily asleep yesterday

Dazai snickered at that and so did Chuuya. God. He missed Albatross. He missed all the Flag members.

Me

Mhm

Well

Chuuya came to me after you left actually and was like 

Why the fuck do you let  him  in your stupid container but not me?!

He's so adorable when he's angry

What. Did Dazai really think that? Was that the reason behind the teasing and pranking? Dazai had a thing for him when he was angry? Geez, that idiot really had a death wish.

Albatross

He is terrifying when he's angry

I'm kinda worried about your survival instincts if a scary angry Chuuya is your definition of adorable

Me

¿¿¿¿Survival instincts????

Albatross

...

Yeah sorry, forgot who I was talking to

I'm clearly not awake enough to function

Me

Anyways

Chuuya was being all adorable

Albatross

*Terrifying

Pls, go on

Me

And then I just was like 

Well, do you want to? 

And made a step to the side to like let him in

Albatross

Oh, you didn't malfunction, that's progress.

Me

Right?

So he was starting to look around and I was getting nervous, because Chuuya was in my room

But Chuuya was all sad looking???

Who could blame him? It was devastating to witness Dazai's living conditions. Sure, Dazai didn't really want to live anyway, but still. The steel structure did nothing to keep the cold outside and it heated up during the summer. The stupid battery fan couldn't do shit against the burning heat. Also, Chuuya didn't know how Dazai handled his hygiene, because there wasn't a shower, not even a sink or a toilet. The redhead was still afraid to ask where Dazai used to go when he needed to use the bathroom or reaked so much he had to shower. His container included a total of six furniture elements: A light bulb which didn't work, a fridge that was empty except for a few cans of crab and water bottles, a desk, a chair, a bed, and LED strips surrounding said bed. Chuuya knew that Albatross actually gifted the LED's to Dazai. They worked with batteries so it was most likely the only light source the idiot really had.

The container itself was located near the center of an illegal dumb site. It smelled like shit and no-one in their right mind would ever want to live there. No-one would expect a higher ranking member of the Port Mafia to live in this terribly unhealthy place. Everywhere, toxic substances and the paint of the containers leaked and stained the ground in an unnatural colour. The place wasn't located on any map and was used to quickly get rid of highly toxic chemicals. No-one could find him there. Well, Chuuya could, and The Flags, or at least Albatross, could, too.

Dazai always made a big secret out of his 'home' and Chuuya only knew the location and the fact that it was a container because he won a bet. They were drinking and then the topic just came up and the future executive bugged the bandage waster till he sighed and proposed a bet. It was simple: The first one to empty a beer, spiked with whisky, in one go would win. Dazai underestimated Chuuya, because the older one might not be able to hold his liquor, but he can drink really fast. He was drunk, but he did win and Dazai showed him where he lived. He didn't let him inside that day, which kinda pissed Chuuya off. Now he was happy about that because he didn't know how we would've reacted back then. Soon, all Flag members knew, but not through Chuuya. Albatross told the older ones because he asked them for battery-powered LED's, since he couldn't find them himself.

Chuuya never really understood why the younger one chose to live in that terrible dump. He could probably live in a fucking suite if he wanted to. The redhead knew for a fact that the bandage wearer made a lot of money. Then Dazai defected, and the puzzle piece clicked into place: His shitty home was easy to abandon. No noisy neighbors, no people who wanted to move in after him, no unpaid rent, and no traces. The Port Mafia couldn't find Dazai. The fucking mafia couldn't find him.

So as Chuuya was invited into Dazais 'home', he just wanted to hug the younger one and tell him that everything would be alright.

Albatross

Maybe because you live in a fucking container? When someone sees your sad-ass living condition they just want to hug you and tell you that everything is going to be alright

Yeah. Exactly. Albatross gets it.

Me

I do remember your first time visiting me in my container, yes

But he didn't do that

He was all sad and then he turned to me and said What do you even do for fun?

Albatross

Oh, pls tell me you did say you

Chuuya snorted, because Dazai will really answer questions like that in the future. And now Chuuya knew why that jackass made such infuriating comments: He had some sort of angry-Chuuya-kink.

Me

NO!

Albatross

Sad, that was a missed opportunity

So what did u say then?

Me

I told him about the movies I watch and the games I play and the books I read 

He listened to me and then he was like You're free tonight, right?

Albatross

Oh, did Chuuya just ask you out?

Damn, you two are suddenly moving really fast.

Seems like yesterday that he screamed at me to fuck out our sexual tension

But look at him asking if you're free

Not a date. It really wasn't. Young Chuuya just wanted to befriend him, still jealous that Albatross already was a close friend to him.

Me

So I said yes and he was like good, now you're not free

Albatross

Ah yes, Chuuya and his ability to make everthing sound like a fucking threat.

Me

I know, so cute

Dazai did have a lot of problems, really. He seemed to think anything Chuuya did was adorable or cute, but Chuuya's behavior was sometimes downright awful and honestly, he didn't want Dazai to not only be okay with it, but even like it. That seemed very unhealthy.

Albatross

Yeah, cute, totally

Me

And then he left

Albatross

Huh

Me

And came back later, with his laptop

And I was like I don't have wifi 

He just looked at me and was like yeah, figured and then threw DVDs at me

Albatross

He really has anger issues

He didn't have anger issues at all! He was just a little bit on edge all the time and snapped easily at— Okay. Maybe he did have issues with anger management. But who could really blame him when Dazai was going to provoke him just because he thinks it's 'cute'?

Me

He threw all of my favorite movies at me and then we were sitting on my bed next to each other,

really close and then he threw my blanket over us and started the first film, it was so nice

Albatross

Oh, look at him Netflix-and-chilling you all of the sudden with your favorite movies like a pro.

What the fuck. He didn't Netflix-and-chill Dazai, he just— Oh god. He totally did, didn't he? Yeah, he was forcing Dazai to sit close to him while watching the movies, but he really didn't— That was not his intention at all! He just wanted the younger one to stay under the blanket and enjoy some quality friend time!

Me

But it wasn't Netflix?

Albatross

Dazai

Buddy

Pls don't

Me

Okay, okay I'll stop, but technically not Netflix and also not doing that other thing

Albatross

Yeah, I know that it was the innocent version, because otherwise you wouldn't be texting me rn

Oh yeah, Dazai definitely wouldn't be able to text Albatross if they really did it, because a) young Chuuya would still be making him feel incredible or b) he already made him feel incredible and fucked the insomniac bastard to exhaustion so that he would be blissfully sleeping right now and— Wait. What the fuck was he even thinking about?! He needed to get his mind out the fucking gutter, he was in Dazai's memories, currently stuck with a 15 year old version of him and himself. Yikes. God. His thoughts were getting very creepy. Technically, he was thinking about the young Chuuya and the young Dazai doing— Didn't even matter. Still creepy. He shook his head, trying to get rid of those weird ass thoughts, putting his focus back on the screen.

Me

Anyways

After the last movie I said I know you think my container is sad, but it's actually nice when you're here, because you make everything better

Albatross

OMG

YES

DAZAI

I'M SO PROUD!

Me

Yeah, he was already asleep

I thought he was awake but he wasn't

Albatross

Say it again when he's awake

Say it again

Don't you dare chicken out

Say it to his stupid fucking gorgeous face

Me

I'll try

Chuuya smiled. Dazai would really say that to him in the morning.

Albatross

Good

And now pls sleep

Me

Alright, I'll try that too

True to his word, Dazai put his phone down and closed his eyes. He wasn't really comfortable, though, because they were still half-sitting and leaning against the bed frame. Dazai made a little huffing sound, clearly not happy. "Chuuya?" He asked, slightly shoving the sleeping boy. "Come on, you shouldn't sleep in that position," he said a little bit louder and just sighed as he got no response. "Here goes nothing," he mumbled and then carefully moved Chuuya into a lying position. Then he slowly moved next to him to lay down as well. He carefully repositioned the blanket.

"What're you doin'," a sleepy Chuuya asked, peeking through barely opened eyes.

"You fell asleep," Dazai explained quietly. "I just moved you a little so you would be more comforta—" He stopped, eyes wide with shock, letting all the air out of his lungs with an 'uff', as a sleep-drunken Chuuya just threw himself at Dazai, nesting his head on his shoulder once again. Real Chuuya didn't remember this, thus, he was just as shocked as Dazai from the sudden cuddling attack. Young Dazai got over his shock, just looking at the quietly snoring Chuuya, and then he started to smile. It was way too big for his face and his eyes were shining in the dim light of the LED strips that were on his bed frame. He just smiled, tried to suppress it, and failed endearingly. His entire face just beamed with happiness and he giggled a little, unable to contain the amount of sheer joy he felt. Real Chuuya just stared in awe as young Dazai moved his arm to delicately wrap it around Chuuya, gently pressing him a little closer. Then he moved his head till his face was touching Chuuya's. "You're going to be the death of me," he happily whispered in Chuuya's hair as he closed his eyes. And the real Chuuya just watched that scene with a sappy smile on his face. The memory faded to black but went immediately back to normal. If Chuuya would've blinked he would have missed it. The little fading was probably from Dazai actually sleeping without being told what happened. Good to know that his mind wasn't always trying to cover up holes. That would be really exhausting, at least Chuuya imagined it would be. Now Dazai was slowly sitting up in his bed. "Good morning," he yawned with closed eyes. "Did you—" His question died as he realized that Chuuya wasn't in his bed anymore. "Chuuya?" The boy called out, already seeing that no-one but him was in the container. "Oh," his face dropped to a sad expression as he reached for his phone, immediately opening Albatross's chat once again and typing. He isn't here anymore so I couldn't say it. He didn't send it, he just stared at it and eventually allowed his phone to fade to black. He didn't turn it on again, he just carelessly threw it next to him on the bed. Real Chuuya just smiled, already looking at the door. He knew why his younger version wasn't here. And as if he gave his younger version a cue, a loud knocking sounded through the container.

"Oi, open your stupid door, Dazai!" As soon as he heard that voice, the younger boy jumped out of his bed and stormed to the door to tear it open. "Finally, took you long enough," Chuuya said as he pushed past Dazai.

"Why did you—"

"You don't have anything to eat here," Dazai opened his mouth but Chuuya was already shushing him. "No, fucking canned crab is not something you should eat on a daily basis. Especially not for breakfast. So I flew to that bakery," he took Dazai's arm in one hand to micromanage him into accepting the brown paper bag Chuuya pushed into his hand. "Eat up," he ordered and sat down on the desk while he fished his sandwich out of the paper bag. Dazai just stared at him and Chuuya realized that. "Ah, right, here," he threw a can at Dazai who catched it a little clumsy.

"That's my favorite," he mumbled while staring at the yellow design of the Monster energy can. Young Chuuya just smirked at that. Truth be told: He only bought that to prove to himself that if anyone was a Dazai-expert, it would be him and definitely not Albatross. They ate in comfortable silence and after he was done, Chuuya started to gather his belongings. Then he turned to the door, already opening it to leave. "Chuuya, wait," Dazai stopped him. He turned to the younger boy with a questionable raised eyebrow. "You probably think my container is pretty sad, right?" Young Chuuya didn't hesitate to nod. "Well, it's actually pretty nice when you're here," he admitted shyly and young Chuuya looked surprised, but smiled after a second.

"Then you should invite me more often," he said softly, stepping out of the container and closing the door. They really got closer that day. If only it didn't have to be overshadowed by death. Chuuyas smile turned painful. If only Albatross and the other Flag members would've been around for a little longer. Maybe then they would've actually figured their feelings out and confessed to each other. He watched Dazai happily type a message on his phone. Chuuya's expression darkend.

Happiness would soon be gone.

Chapter Text

He was standing in the bar, watching Chuuya and the Flags play pool. It was the last round and they were all talking excitedly. Real Dazai didn’t pay them any mind.

»That was awesome!«

»What I just saw was something from a professional match!«

»It was an artistic move.«

»Too bad, Chuuya. With this, your reign is over.«

»A new king is born.«

»Who just poked me?«

At that, Dazai did look at the group of friends. Oh. It started now, huh? Six persons were standing in the bar and playing a friendly game of pool. Now seven people stood in the bar. Adam. Fuck. Dazai looked at the faces of the Flags and looked at Albatross with a pained smile on his lips.

“Thank you for everything, buddy. I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop this,” Dazai mumbled quietly in the direction of his friend, fighting against his tears. He watched them fight against the strange man that interrupted their pool game. This meant it was Chuuya’s first anniversary of being in the mafia. That meant that The Flags showed Chuuya a picture of his childhood, disobeying Mori’s orders to make him a present. That would’ve been a memory he would’ve enjoyed. Seeing Chuuya helplessly receive such a huge gift that proved the loving friendship between the members of The Flags was a sight he sadly never got to see. He probably looked all adorably confused and then immediately hid his emotions behind a grumpy attitude. Absolutely endearing. But Dazai just got to watch the fight with Adam, till they realized that he wasn’t just a European detective, but a truly good robot guy.

Real Chuuya didn’t want to relive this. He didn’t want to feel the pain again. But here he was, following young Dazai through the city’s small streets. Dazai was seemingly aimless, slowly walking in one direction, just to turn around again. Then the earth trembled, trees shook and a sudden strong wind washed through the street like a huge wave, making Dazai grab his coat in a strong grip as he tried to obtain a steady stance. It didn’t fail, but it also didn’t work. The strong explosive-like wind dragged him a few meters until it was over. Dazai opened his eyes. Chuuya! And with that thought, he was running towards the weird gravitational field that made the buildings collapse, totally unfazed by the melted cars and street lamps he passed. He was reaching his destination, slowing down as he carefully stepped closer to the edge of the big crater. In the middle of the crater of destruction was Chuuya. Collapsed, definitely in pain, but not capable of even screaming. Dazai was already moving towards him, not affected by the still-existing gravitational pull.

»How unsightly, Chuuya.« Dazai commented dryly as he reached out to touch and lift Chuuya’s arm. The weird gravitational push disappeared with the blue hue of ‘No Longer Human’. The bandage wearer casually manhandled Chuuya’s wrung-out body to carry him on his back before slowly making his way out of the crater. He seemed calm, but his mind was running wild, crying out in worry that he’d never voice.

»You…« The exhausted and badly wounded redhead managed to say. It wasn’t more than a quiet mumble.

»Can’t you at least have a pure, clean death?« Dazai asked but it fell flat, voice nothing more than a rough whisper. Young Chuuya moved a little until he was able to look over the shoulder in front of him, only to realize who was carrying him of all people.

»Dazai…« He mumbled frustrated before his vision faded to black. Real Chuuya was just walking next to Dazai, who seemed to have a little bit of a problem carrying him while he was unconscious. He slowed down from time to time but he never stopped until he reached his destination. The bar where Chuuya and the other Flags used to play pool. He dropped the redhead, not having enough strength to put him down slowly. He pulled out his phone while walking away and the real Chuuya caught a glimpse of the chat.

Me

Leave the bar immediately

Albatross!

Leave.

The.

Bar.

Albatross

Don’t worry about us

Go save Chuuya

We can handle this

Then Dazai started to type:

Me

No, you couldn’t

Error: The message couldn’t be delivered

I’m sorry

Error: The message couldn’t be delivered

Real Chuuya faced the bar again. He moved on autopilot and even though he didn’t want to see it, he opened the door while young Chuuya did the same thing.

The friends young Chuuya happily played pool with just a few hours earlier, were all dead. Blood was splattered on the ground and Chuuya couldn’t keep his eyes off the corpses of his closest friends.

»Chuuya…«

The younger redhead immediately rushed towards Albatross’s weakly shaking voice.

»Hey! Are you ok?!« He asked, even though he knew that it was too late. Blood dripped out of the older boy’s mouth. »Hang on, I’m gonna help you!« No one could help Albatross. His bones were visible. His legs shattered to pieces.

»My bad, Chuuya… I was done in. I can’t see anything… and I can’t feel my legs…« He said, struggling to string the words together. »But I saved Doc. I grabbed his collar… And pulled him out of the way… Everyone is dead… I’m going to die… But Doc… You’ve got to treat him…« Albatross held Doc’s collar in a tight grip. The saved member of The Flags looked like he was sleeping, not wounded in the slightest. If you just looked at his upper body, because his lower body was gone.

»Yeah.« Chuuya forced out after a stretched silence, holding back a scream behind his tightly pressed lips. »Leave Doc to me. It’s because of you that he’s saved. That’s the Albatross I know. You should be proud.« He somehow managed to make his voice sound even, not sounding too restrained, as he lied to his dying friend. And the real Chuuya did something he couldn’t do back then: He cried like a kid, his body trembling with every wet sob that left his mouth and arms clenched around his own shaky frame, mimicking a tight embrace.

»Thank god.« The blond boy said, relieved, tension leaving his face. »Chuuya… I have a motorcycle in my garage… For work. For you… You can use it… whenever you’d…«

Now all of his friends were dead and the real Chuuya just sank to his knees, crying pathetically, screaming all the pain out, because he never could do that. He needed to stay strong back then, needed to stay calm, and keep his head above the water.

He didn’t even realize that the memory slowly faded.

»However, Chuuya-sama, putting aside the trap for Verlaine, I heard that there was an ability user who was perfectly suited for the mafia. Is this true?« The robot asked Chuuya. They were currently waiting in a room in the police department. So they already fought with Verlaine and Chuuyas power was activated leaving destruction. Chuuya also knew that Verlaine assassinated all of his friends from The Flags. They were following Verlaine’s hints about who his next victim is, which led them to Shirase. That stupid sheep idiot ran away from them and then they all got captured by the police. As of now, Chuuya’s expression morphed into one of disgust.

»It’s true.« The redhead admitted, clearly not happy about the fact that Adam brought him up. »But I can’t get in touch with him. It’d be better if that fucker just went and died somewhere.«

»Oh…« Was Adam’s confused reaction, because the robot was sure it would be rather bad if one of their allies died somewhere. Dazai, however, would be blessed to die somewhere. This ability sucked. »Can we trust this person?«

»Trust? Hell no.« The redhead scoffed. »He’s the scummiest of scum, twisted inside and out. He’s sick enough to sell a drowning man water and smart enough to get him to buy it. But without his ability, we can’t beat Verlaine.« Oh, Chuuya is such a charmer, but at least the other saw his twisted intelligence. That’s something, isn’t it? Dazai just wanted to get out of here. Chuuya didn’t feel the same towards him and would never do so. This ability was just proving what Dazai already knew.

»How do you know?«

»Verlaine’s partner, the gifted spy Rimbaud, he—Dazai and I beat him.« Yeah. That was one hell of a fight. Chuuya is amazing, he’s the ultimate powerhouse even without having to activate Arahabaki. »That damn Dazai… How the hell does that bastard only pull things off at times like that…?« Dazai sighs at Chuuya’s frustration. He is doing something. His younger self needed to buy them time.

Chuuya found himself in Dazai’s container once again. The younger boy just sat in his chair and looked at the door. He didn’t even flinch when his cell phone started to ring. Chuuya frowned, looking at the desk next to Dazai where the phone was desperately trying to get his attention through ringing and vibrations. But the brown-haired boy just looked at the door, ignoring the noise the phone made. Chuuya sighed and walked towards the noise, just to see the stupid nickname the mackerel gave him flash one last time before Chuuyas younger self gave up trying and the call ended. The redhead hated how easily the other could ignore him. It stung. Especially considering that he needed him and his stupid genius at that moment. It took him everything to even call the bastard and he just ignored him. Well, at least he’d proven to Adam that he really couldn’t contact the nuisance. What did Chuuya even expect? Of course, Dazai wouldn’t pick up, that’s just- This is the worst possible timing for calling, slug. Oh? So he did know it was him? Why didn’t the jackass just answer, then?

The door started to open. That was strange. Most people didn’t know where Dazai lived, and the few that did, knew better than to disturb him. Dazai’s eyes got darker, swallowing the light as if they were a black hole. He was calmly watching at the door and the person that stepped inside his container.

»You live in a terrible place, Dazai-kun.« The person greeted and holy shit: It’s Verlaine. How did he know where to find Dazai? Chuuya stepped between Dazai and the intruder, forgetting for a second that neither of them could see him and that he didn’t need to protect Dazai because he was stuck in his memories, the brown-haired idiot wouldn’t die. Still, it’s hard to suppress this reflex, even after all those years. He would always put himself between Dazai and danger. »Honestly, what are you so afraid of that makes you live in such an awful place? Property tax?« Dazai’s gaze didn’t shift, he looked at the intruder devoid of any emotion.

»I’m scared of you, Verlaine-san.« Dazai stated, but he didn’t really sound the part of being scared. He sounded totally indifferent, like usual. Not a hint of feelings in his voice. Verlaine just stepped further into the container, eyes scanning his surroundings carefree and with a hint of amusement, making Chuuya angry. What was so amusing about Dazai’s fucked up living conditions?!

»What a liar.« His voice was light as he stopped in front of Dazai, who just sat motionless in his chair, eyes fixed on the assassin king that just entered his home. »You’re not afraid of anything. If I could see your eyes, I’d be able to tell. Even while trying to kill you a couple of days ago, you seemed to feel almost nothing.« What. He tried to kill Dazai? When? Why didn’t the bastard say anything?

»I have a rather uncommon opinion when it comes to my death.« Chuuya rolled his eyes at that as the corners of Dazai’s eyes lit up in a way that could seem like a smile. Soon the light was sucked into the dark abyss of the black holes that his eyes pretended to be. Verlaine didn’t comment on Dazai’s statement, he just moved to grab something from his desk and Chuuya wondered how he didn’t see the papers when he looked at Dazai’s cellphone. The assassin king waved the documents around a bit, lazily skipping through them without even reading anything.

»Two days ago, I told you I wouldn’t kill you so you can give this to me. It’s a necessity for my job.« Right. Dazai gave Verlaine documents about the secrets of the Port Mafia. Only because of these papers the detective had to die through Verlaine’s hands. »But what’s your reason? What reward do you get out of this? Don’t sit here and tell me you saying, ‘Please don’t kill me’ was a joke.« The redhead snorted amused. Dazai was messing with Verlaine because he would never beg for his life.

»It’s simple.« The corners of Dazai’s lips slightly lifted into a faint smile, but his voice was too dark to make it look sincere. »I want to see the Port Mafia burn.« I need time. The face of the older male morphed into something serious as he watched Dazai.

»Didn’t the Port Mafia pick you up and raise you?« He asked, confusion slipping into his voice.

»That’s right.«

»Then why?«

Dazai didn’t say anything. It seemed like he didn’t hear the question that was directed at him. His eyes looked around, searching for something they could never find because he knew it wasn’t there. We need more time. Was he stalling? Chuuya couldn’t tell if only a few seconds or minutes passed until Dazai smiled. But it wasn’t happy, no. Damn. That’s the saddest smile he has ever seen on Dazais’s face. It seemed to hold all the grief of the world which filled the room with a silent scream as Dazai finally answered the question.

»Because I’ve grown bored with it.«

Bored? Chuuya’s heart stung. Is that the reason why he left? Did he just grow bored of Chuuya? That shouldn’t really hurt that much, but- I’m bored of you trying to take Chuuya away. Huh? He doesn’t belong with you. He isn’t what you claim he is. Chuuya isn’t a stupid string of numbers, he is as human as can be. Why can’t anyone see that? Chuuya just stared at Dazai, who just fixed Verlaine with his gaze, still, that haunting smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes. The younger boy never questioned his humanity and Chuuya couldn’t put into words how much that meant to him.

Real Dazai was standing in a lab. Chuuya was restrained, the cables injected into his back are probably still pumping the poison through his body. So, he was already being tortured. Dazai’s stomach turned upside down as he saw the gone look in Chuuya’s eyes, pupils blown too wide, eyes rolling from side to side, unable to focus on anything. He should’ve come sooner. The bandage wearer felt the urge to pull the stupid tubes out of Chuuya’s body, but he suppressed it. It would do nothing anyway as he was still stuck in the memories of the redhead. It was weird. The memories of the little mafioso made ridiculously huge jumps in time. He knew that Chuuya must have chased Shirase, only for them all to be caught by the police. Then Adam helped Shirase to get out of his cell, while Chuuya stayed with the detective who captured them. Verlaine showed up, Chuuya fought against him, and the detective was killed. Shirase wasn’t one of Verlaine’s targets, no. It was always the detective and then it was N. The researcher who was leading the secret mission to create Arahabaki. He contacted Chuuya by hacking into Adams’s system to use the robot as a communication tool. They were invited to the facility and then N explained a few things, separating Chuuya from the others, just to show him his origin to poison him. But this -Dazai looked at the small body that was currently being tortured- is not his origin. He’s human. He shouldn’t be here. If anyone deserved to be tortured it was Dazai, for all the shit he had done. For every life he took, for every friend he failed to save, for everything he put Chuuya through. His eyes scanned the teen that was trying to move his muscles but couldn’t. His body is numb from the drug, his mind is probably far from this place creating illusions of delirium.

How long can I endure this?

Chuuyas thoughts reached him again. Which was weird, since he hadn’t been able to hear them for a while now. Dazai sighed as he listened to the thoughts that were telling Chuuya he could endure this pain forever and that he could do it for all of eternity. Because Chuuya is Chuuya and thinks he can endure it, thinks he has to endure it. The brunet sighed. Chibi is always so self-destructive.

But why would I? Chuuya’s drugged mind questioned and finally, the stubbornness seemed to come to an end.

Isn’t that what I’m always saying, Chuuya? What the fuck? That was Dazai’s voice. Or at least it sounded like him, resampled his voice. Was Chuuya imagining him? You being born was some kind of mistake. Just like me. What’s the point in enduring this pain to cling onto a fake life? Real Dazai frowned as he heard his fake voice say all this bullshit. Chuuya wasn’t a mistake. How could something so mesmerizing be a mistake? How could the redhead think that about himself and make a Dazai impostor say it? The bandage wearer is supposed to be the one tired of living. Not Chuuya. Never Chuuya.

»Shut it.« His voice sounded so strained, so weak. Still, Dazai was a little relieved that even if he didn’t sound like the strong-minded redhead he, at least, was fighting as usual. Him fighting against a fake Dazai voice hurt because real Dazai would never deprive Chuuya of his humanity like the imagined voice seemed to do. »Fuck off, Dazai.«

Is that clichéd reply the best you could do? And now the detective could see a shadowy version of his younger self forming next to Chuuya. There’s proof for you to believe my words, you know. Deep down inside, you and I are the same.

»Shut up, shut up, shut up! I’m me! I’m nothing like the piece of shit you are!« Yes. Chuuya isn’t like him at all. The feisty redhead is so painfully human that it is a miracle everyone doubts it all. Really. Were all others blind? How could anyone think that his emotions are the cause of an artificial line of numbers? A mere code. Dazai will never comprehend the stupidity of anyone who looks Chuuya in the eyes and doesn’t see the humanity in the two stormy blue oceans of the angry angel, who can’t even keep his mouth shut in this dire situation. He is still arguing. Sure, it’s with a fake Dazai which -again- hurts a lot but he is still fighting.

Well, you would say that to him. A new voice appeared and Dazai looked at the imagined person that leaned against the wall in front of the tortured boy. His arms were crossed over his chest and a calm expression was on his face, the same pose the boy would have while watching over one of his parties. The redhead froze, eyes trying to focus and if the former Flag member would really be standing in this room, Chuuya’s eyes wouldn’t be able to truly see him but it was in his head, therefore, he could focus on his figure. But it’s impossible for you to keep lying to yourself. Didn’t we say that when you first joined us?

»Pianoman…«

I’ve told you the reason why we let you join us. We thought you would rebel against the mafia. You looked like you wanted to destroy any and everything, burning it all with the flames of retaliation. Even now, you still look like that.

More figures appeared and soon Chuuya was surrounded by shadowy images of his dead friends. They all smiled at him while talking.

We may have died because of the origin of your birth, but we don’t blame you. They said without a hint of regret or pain. We’re mafioso. We were prepared for it. A fact. Nothing more and nothing less.

»You idiots! What kind of reason is that?! I…!«

The smiles of his friends disappeared as the next voice spoke directly into the mafioso’s ear.

Then die. Ugh, Shirase. Chuuya quickly turned his head to see the boy with silver hair standing too close for comfort. Apologize with your death, both for your mafia friends and for us in the Sheep… All the members of the sheep appeared in front of him. Shadowy figures of boys and girls stared right into his soul. Children staring at him in a way they shouldn’t even know; cold hatred.

You were always saying, Chuuya, that those who were given the upper hand in life had a responsibility to fulfill. Was that a lie? The children spoke in uniform, creating a haunting choir of voices. Weren’t you gonna protect us? We protected you when you were starving to death, didn’t we?

Stop it. Chuuya thought but the voices didn’t stop. The young boy tried to but couldn’t cover his ears because they were still restrained. Even if he could’ve been able to do so it wouldn’t be any use, since the voices were in his head anyway.

Hmph, what a king you were. Look at what you did to us. The horroresques choir of children spoke. Chuuya, you—

»Shut up!« The voices died down. »Then you guys should’ve tried to become king instead! I would’ve used all this power for you!« The redhead yelled, his voice was hoarse, but still carried his despair. »Strength my ass! If I didn’t have this power, today I would still be together with…!« An electroshock shook his little body as the monsters watching through the safety glass continued the torture.

A picture appeared in front of Chuuya’s eyes and Dazai could see it too: The sheep still existed and the redhead wasn’t the center of attention, no king, he was just another normal kid among them. Talking to one of the others in a friendly way. Dazai’s heart, the thing he could control enough to be able to send morse code, just clenched in on itself, missing a beat, at the realization that Chuuya, more than anything, just wanted to be someone along the lines. Someone who belonged, who had a place, who fitted in.

»I…« Chuuya didn’t seem to know what he wanted to say.

“You always made me feel like I belonged somewhere,” the bandage wearer mumbled, barely above a whisper but the tortured boy would’ve heard it if Dazai weren’t just a sad ghost in his memories. He wanted to say it anyway. Needed to say it. Chuuya hung his head and stayed silent. Naturally. He didn’t hear anyone say anything because Dazai wasn’t even here in the first place but he was in a hurry to get there. Not that it mattered. He couldn’t stop the torture on the smaller boy’s body and mind, couldn’t prevent him from bleeding. Fuck, he couldn’t even say that he cared. Never directly at least but he hoped Chuuya caught his intention and saw through his dumb defense mechanism of being an impulsive liar because feelings were scary. Scarier than a painful death, so he learned that it’s easy to pretend. It’s way easier to say that you hate someone, even if you don’t. How could anyone ever hate someone like Chuuya? That was impossible, Dazai thought and wondered if the redhead knew about this. Knew about the fact it was impossible to hate him, knew about the fact that Dazai would never be able to hate him even if he claimed it daily. It’s easy to be a liar and it’s way harder to tell the truth, that’s why lying is so addictive. His first instinct is always to lie, no matter what the problem is: Don’t let them know what you think and don’t let them know that you care. But in all honesty? He was just scared, wasn’t he? Suddenly, he remembered a conversation he once held with Albatross.

“Why did you lie back then?” The boy had asked. Dazai did what he did best and just replied that he didn’t know what he was talking about. Albatross just smiled. It was the same smile he had when he was telling Dazai that it’s okay to be insecure. “You know,” he started. “I think you only lie so much because you never tasted how sweet the truth can be.” Dazai wanted to ask what he meant but by doing so he would admit that he knew exactly what the older one was talking about a few moments ago. So he stayed silent, expecting this conversation to end. “Promise me,” Albatross broke the silence between them, surprising Dazai. “That, if the right moment comes, you’ll tell the truth without being asked to do so.”

“How do I know when the right moment is?”, the younger one asked, too astounded to realize that he just blew his cover. Albatross closed his eyes for a second, seemingly lost in a memory.

“You just do”, he said after a while and before Dazai could protest because that answer was stupid he continued: “Because at that moment you don’t want to lie. You don’t even think about it. All you can think about is the truth, so you just say it.”

“I don’t think I can promise that,” the bandage wearer responded and Albatross just chuckled.

“On second thought you don’t even have to promise it, I know you won’t lie when the right time comes.”

Dazai put his focus back on the bleeding Chuuya in front of him, who started at the feet of the next illusion. The memory began to fade, he didn’t get to see how Chuuya reacted to the fact that the real Verlaine was standing in front of him. It all faded into the white eternity.

“What if I already missed that moment?” Dazai’s voice sounded through the nothingness. He didn’t know how long ago the memory actually faded away. Could be a few seconds, minutes, or even hours. “What do I do then?” He questioned while staring into the white abyss. Maybe Nietzsche is right, the detective thought to himself, the abyss really did stare back at him.

Chuuya stood in the secret base N invited them to, following Dazai’s figure through the hall. He moved towards the loud shooting noises and screams. Adam was standing there, trying to break into the door young Chuuya disappeared through. Dazai saved Adam with a well-aimed shot out of his modified taser gun.

»How boring,« he said as if nothing happened. »Even with electricity, killing people is just killing people. I’m so bored of it.« He commented while slowly stepping closer to the detective robot.

»You’re… From the Port Mafia.« The robot observed and Dazai smiled.

»Nice to meet you, Investigator-san. Where’s Chuuya?« He asked while throwing the teaser gun away, completely unbothered.

»Chuuya-sama is,« Adam started, but seemingly wasn’t sure how to finish.

»Has he already been captured? Or maybe it’s around the time you’ve rescued him.« The bandage wearer wanted to know. »That’s not any fun. That means I missed Chuuya being tortured and bawling his eyes out.« Please tell me you already saved him, even if it’s—

»Tortured? Chuuya-sama?« Adam asked, confused. Fuck. Chuuya is still being tortured. Chuuya looked at Adam and could almost see how his little gears turned in his head and overloaded with questions as to why Dazai was here.

»‘Why has he come here’, you ask? I’ll tell you.« Dazai seemed to also see the way Adams’s brain overheated and helped him out by answering his unasked questions. »I’m here because this is part of the plan. ‘What plan’, you ask? I’ll tell you. Everything. From beginning to end, the events of this Verlaine incident have been in the palm of my hand. ‘What do you mean’, you ask?« Chuuya sighed. God, the younger loves showing off his genius. The redhead was used to this but Adam seemed to struggle for a millisecond before he prioritized analyzing all the information the other one was giving him. »I’ll tell you,« Dazai stated. Because we don’t have time, I make it as fast as possible. Only because Chuuya needs us though. And the real Chuuya smiled at that. »Everything, literally everything—from Verlaine’s targets to Detective-san, to Researcher-san—has been based on the information I gave him. In other words, the protocol for his assassination plan has also been the protocol for my plan. Now you want to ask, ‘Why would you do such a thing?’« To buy them time. It was a shitty move but Chuuya knew that it was the only chance they had. It sucked. Adam must have anticipated that Dazai could betray them because Chuuya could see a minimal change in his expression. The robot was ready to fight Dazai if the boy’s explanation as to why he did all that didn’t please him. »It was to earn time before he reached his biggest assassination target. His final target is the Port Mafia’s boss, Mori Ougai. Mori-san was originally going to be the first one killed, but I manipulated the information so he was last on the list. Thanks to the time I earned, the preparations for his inverse assassination are almost done. But before that, we need to make the final touches.«

“Geez, you really like the sound of your voice,” Chuuya commented on Dazai’s long explanation even though no-one could hear him. Dazai smiled and reached out his hand to the robot detective. Adam accepts it.

»At this rate, Chuuya will kill N and if that happens, he will no longer be a human being.« Dazai said with a serious look on his face. Seeing that expression on his face would’ve been so weird for his younger self. »But I want to see Chuuya suffer as a human being.« I need to save him, the brunet thought and Chuuya grinned at that. Dazai is such a little liar it’s almost cute how desperately he wants everyone to think that he hates his partner in crime. »So, let’s go stop him.«

Red lights flashed as the security alarm responded to the chaos that happened in the facility with loud sirens and instructions for the staff. Adam was locking up Shirase in a storage room. The silver-haired boy would only get in their way. The robot at least wanted to keep him safe. As safe as one can be in a place that is as horrible as this secret lab.

»I changed the lock here to need a time fluctuating type encryption key. This should keep Shirase-san safe for a while.« Adam reported to Dazai.

»Good work. Next is Chuuya.« The bandage wearer just began to walk away, as if he didn’t care for Shirase at all. Which was probably the case. Stupid sheep boy, Chuuya heard the angry thoughts of the younger boy. Couldn’t care less about him but… Chibi probably won’t talk to me if the boy dies so I better keep him safe. Yeah, if Chuuya would’ve found out that Dazai did nothing to protect his idiotic former friend he wouldn’t have spoken to the other for a long time, after kicking him of course.

»Please wait, Dazai-san.« Adam called out and Dazai turned his head around but didn’t slow down. »When talking about Chuuya-sama earlier, you said, ‘as a human being’. Do you know whether or not Chuuya-sama is human?« The robot asked as he hurried after the boy.

»I don’t know,« Dazai confessed, narrowing his eyes a bit, clearly thinking deeply about something. »Both N and Verlaine said that Chuuya wasn’t a human. I didn’t think that was the case, so I read this notebook, ‘Rimbaud’s notes’—you could say the entire incident started because of this.« What the fuck. How did Dazai get the notebook? It was an item only executives could use and Dazai certainly wasn’t one. At least at the moment. So how the hell did he manage to get a hold of the notes? The young boy reached into his pocket, to hold the notebook in front of Adams’s face.

»How did you manage to get it?« Adam wanted to know and Chuuya sure hoped the answer wouldn’t be as cryptic as always.

»You’re more than welcome to try to find out, but no matter what I’ll only tell you lies. I’m a liar, after all.« Dazai grinned like a madman. Great. The jackass didn’t even think about it, so the redhead didn’t have a single clue as to why he had the notebook. Chuuya would kick the real Dazai as soon as he got out of here. He wanted fucking answers. »We don’t really have time to hold a tea party and chat.« His smile faded. »First comes finding Chuuya.« It’s strange to witness Dazai so focused. The younger one was usually so easily distracted.

»How will we do that?«

»Finding Chuuya is always easy.« He smiled and the look in his eyes was somewhat dreamy and a little bit proud. »If you head towards whatever is making the loudest noise, he’ll be there.« Chuuya rolled his eyes but didn’t suppress the small smile. He couldn’t argue because the bandage waster was right in his assumption.

»Why don’t you understand? There is nothing you should do! You live the way you want to live and break the things you want to break!« Verlaine spoke frantically while trying to pull out the stake that Chuuya threw at his chest. Real Dazai guessed that N was trying to set up a trap to use the electric stake to capture Chuuya. The researcher must have realized that Verlaine saved Chuuya and wanted to seek revenge. They were currently standing in some sort of panic room or hallway leading to said room. It was hard to tell since the building wasn’t in the best condition anymore. »There’s only one thing we should have done, and that was to never be born!«

“Chuuya is not like me!” Dazai raised his voice angrily even if they couldn’t hear him. How dare Verlaine say that to Chuuya!? Chuuya wasn’t a mistake, no. The redhead was a blessing!

»Shut up.« The future executive said. Dazai immediately focused on him. He looked terrible: bleeding wounds all over his body, his posture not as proud as usual. But his eyes shimmered brightly in the determination he so adored: stormy ocean eyes that will drown you by any given chance. The detective smiled, as long as Chuuya got that look in his eyes everything was going to be okay. »That might be true for you, but don’t try and push that onto me. I don’t think that way.« How can Verlaine and all the others doubt that Chuuya is human when his eyes show it so clearly? The humane shine in his eyes can only be gathered through all his encounters and the farewells he had to accept. So much life in such a tiny body. »Plus, you’re dead wrong about one thing.«

“Yeah, tell him, Chibi!” Dazai cheered.

»‘It was a mistake to be born’? I could never think the same way that shitty Dazai does!« Exactly! Chuuya is so full of life that Dazai can’t even comprehend it. Verlaine finally got that stale out of his chest and tossed it to the ground.

»Chuuuyaaaaaa!!«

»Verlaaaaaaaine!!«

Dazai just watched the young Chuuya in awe as his fist collided with Verlaine’s which caused a black explosion. Chibi is always so strong. He really hoped the memory wouldn’t fade in the middle of the fight.

»You won’t get anything by taking him home and torturing him, Verlaine-san,« Dazai said and the real Chuuya looked at Verlaine who faced the bandage wearer with a surprised expression. The brunette was talking about N, who was at Verlaine’s mercy right now. This must take place when Chuuyas younger self is fighting the skeleton and surprisingly being saved by Shirase, who somehow got out of his little safe space. Right after Chuuya fought against Verlaine and was kicked through a lot of walls. So Adam and Dazai truly did follow the loudest noise and found Verlaine, who stood in front of N, ready to torture him any second, till they interrupted him.

»Dazai-kun,« the assassin mumbled, confused.

»Hey,« Dazai greeted him as if they just met each other by chance in a supermarket. »What a coincidence, meeting in a place like this.«

»You coming here must mean…« Verlaine paused, his confused expression morphing into a slight frown. »I see. So I’ve been betrayed?«

»It’s hard for people to hear that they’ve been betrayed,« he stated. »I’ve been on this side from the very beginning.«

»‘This side’?« Verlaine scoffed. »Do people like you even know what ‘this side’ or ‘that side’ means?« Yeah, it means I’m always on Chuuya’s side. The executive really couldn’t get enough of the thoughts the younger boy had about him. It’s so addictive to hear him think. But it's also letting a bitter feeling swell inside of him. Dazai wasn't on his side anymore. He will never be on the same side again and Chuuya hated that he missed him, that he'd wish the bandaged waster would still be with him. It's such a stupid and selfish thought, but he couldn't help it, even if he knew that the agency was far better for him then the mafia. He couldn't stop the feeling, the pang of jealously that he couldn't make him stay. That he wasn't enough. It was stupid and dumb, but he just missed the idiot. Missed their competive rounds of any game they could get their hands on, missed the way Dazai could talk hours about any topic, missed the way he pointed at the night sky to explain every constellation in sight. Missed the way his eyes lit up, how excited he got over the smallest or weirdest things. Missed their sleepovers and movie marathons. Hell, he even missed the stupid bets he almost always lost. He missed the stupid annoying mackerel.

»Fufu,« he chuckled slightly. »I knew it’d be fun talking to you.« He said with a smile and the two stared each other down with smiles that no one but them could truly decipher. »Ah, Verlaine-san,« Dazai suddenly sighed as he seemed to realize something. »I’d duck if I were you,« he suggested and casually lowered his head. The assassin stared at him a little dumbfounded. But he didn’t get the chance to say anything because debris flew past them all and one piece would’ve hit Dazai if he hadn’t lowered his head. Verlaine, who didn’t accept Dazai’s friendly warning, brought his arm up out of reflex to block the debris.

»What the hell are you doing, Dazai?!« The furious redhead wanted to know as he broke through the wall. »Don’t come into my sight without my permission!«

»Hey, Chuuya. How was your torture session?« The younger boy laughed a little. If you can shout at me everything’s alright, isn’t it? Real Chuuya smiled at that. »I had a plan to come in and save you, but decided against it ‘cause it was boring.« And the executive knew it was a lie: The younger one simply didn’t have time to come in to save him.

»You bastard!«

Verlaine -real Chuuya totally forgot him for a second there- watched them with a blank expression, then he nodded as if he understood something just from watching them bicker. »I see. So it’s you guys,« he interrupted their little insulting game before it could turn into a full-blown argument. Young Chuuya and Dazai simultaneously faced their opponent again. They stood side by side and the real Chuuya thought that they looked oddly calm, which made sense in a way because as soon as they are together everything turns out okay. Chuuya’s going to fight and Dazai is coming up with a plan. The redhead trusted his partner that he would find a solution and the brunette trusted his partner to protect him so he wouldn’t die painfully. Real Chuuya wondered if they still gave off that aura of deadly perfection as soon as they stood side by side against an opponent. He kinda hoped they did.

»I heard you two killed Rimbaud all by yourselves.«

»You want revenge, Verlaine-san?« Dazai asked, tilting his head to the side and holy shit that shouldn’t look this adorable in a situation like that.

»Nope,« Verlaine said and popped the ‘p’ as he stared in the distance. »He was dead to me long before you guys killed him—nine years ago, the minute I shot him in the back.«

»Do you know why I came here like this, Verlaine-san?« The bandaged boy asked while taking a step in his direction. He had a scarily calculating look on his face. »Because I’ve succeeded in earning us time,« he answered his own question. »You will die for the crime of making an enemy of the Port Mafia.« The assassin seemed unbothered by the death threat Dazai just made.

»We’ll see,« he said while smiling in a way you would smile at a kid who told you that the moon is made of cheese. »I’ve been threatened with that many times before, but I always get off in the end.« Verlaine let his hand slide against N’s neck to take a step back.

»Your ability is powerful, but I have a general understanding of it,« Dazai’s voice was almost a whisper. »All we have to do is crush you to death with something more powerful.« Verlaine looked at him and then he just laughed. A happy expression on his face as if Dazai’s words just made his day.

»You understand my ability?« He asked while lifting his arm that didn’t hold N in a tight grip. His expression was stoic, with no trace of the happiness visible on his face mere seconds ago. The ground shook and the light seemed to disappear like it had been sucked up by a vacuum cleaner as a shockwave passed through the building. Blacklight flooded the room, making everything disappear into darkness. It didn’t last long, just a few seconds. Chuuya remembered this and as he looked over at his younger self he laughed. God, he couldn’t stop laughing and he wished he had a camera. The younger versions were still standing next to each other, looking at the ceiling, which didn’t exist anymore, with wide open mouths. Blankly staring and looking so adorable and stupid that Chuuya still couldn’t stop laughing. Every time he looked at them it just started again.

»Hey, shitty Dazai,« young Chuuya nudged the other’s shoulder with his own, still looking at the former ceiling. »You said you had a general understanding of his ability?«

»Yeah,« Dazai answered, his gaze fixed on the tunnel that replaced the ceiling. At the end of the hole through all the different floors they could see the cloudless sky. A cold breeze gently blew their hair around as they still stood in the same place as if they were glued to the ground.

»But…do you really understand?« Chuuya asked after a while and the younger boy just stayed silent. Verlaine and N were gone and the only trace left of them was the big hole in the ceiling.

“And what now?” Adam asked and Chuuya just shrugged, finally moving his gaze away from the former ceiling.

“Got a plan, you walking bag of bandages?” Chuuya faced Dazai who blinked and then grinned. The redhead immediately asking him just absolutely lightened his mood. Chuuya needs him, he trusts him to come up with something.

“Of course I do Chibi,” he chirped happily. “But we have to move to a different location first!” And then he walked away as if there wasn’t a big hole in the ceiling created by their opponent a few minutes ago. Real Dazai just sighed as he followed his younger self, as did Chuuya and Adam.

“How about you explain why you’re here, you bastard!” Urgh. Now his younger version would explain to Chuuya what he did and the older teen would want revenge. The former executive felt sick as he remembered the cruel revenge the hat rack would come up with, silently hoping that the ability would spare him the memory.

He had no such luck. As they arrived at the location, Chibi immediately started his revenge plan. He did deserve it. He failed to spare Chuuya the torture so it was only fair that the redhead let out some steam on him.

The young Dazai was hanging upside down from a street lamp, legs tied together.

»So, the only way to defeat the assassin king Verlaine is to have Chuuya jump out of a plane and get close to him from above,« he casually explained as if he wasn’t hanging upside-down. His expression was one of complete boredom.

»That so?« Chuuya asked, looking at the younger one with a hostile expression.

»Um… How exactly did it come to this…?« Adam was confused and real Chuuya laughed. God, he remembered his strange way of revenge and now he could witness how weird it was from an outsider’s perspective. But the bandage wearer let himself be manhandled into this position without a complaint. They were currently standing at the mini airport that was located in the mountains. The younger version of himself was holding a cord which was wrapped around Dazai’s waist a few times.

»This is actually to save time, Mr. Machine Investigator,« Dazai spoke with a small smile on his lips.

»To save… time?« Adam seemed even more confused.

»Yup, because the once-in-a-lifetime ambush operation is about to begin,« Dazai explained, which didn’t help the robot at all because he looked between the two teens with an irritated expression.

»The words of humans are so confusing. I don’t have any interpretable situations similar to this in my database,« Adam mumbled.

»I told you not to worry about it. Even this human is confused,« Shirase said. The former sheep member saw them when Dazai led them to this place and decided to tag along because they were ‘supposed to protect him’ and Dazai’s thoughts were just peachy. The bandage wearer mostly ignored him and occasionally rolled his eyes when the silver-haired boy decided to talk. He was cursing him out in his thoughts but decided to not say anything so that Chuuya won’t be mad. Which was adorable. The boy watched the other teens and he looked just absolutely done with ‘whatever the hell this is’. It was so funny to the real Chuuya because, for his younger self and Dazai, this was just normal behavior. The young redhead pulled on the string without a word. He pulled and pulled and the tied-up Dazai began to turn slowly.

»We’ll use a body double of Mori-san to lure Verlaine out. From there, we’ll engage in a battle of arms, hitting him with everything we’ve got. If we successfully corner him, he’ll open up the gate as his trump card. Then, Chuuya will approach him by plane,« he explained unbothered. His mind was kinda ambiguous because, on one hand, he felt like he deserved it, but on the other, he didn’t want to throw up. As the cord was pulled as far as it could be, the redhead let go.

»Verlaine will—« Dazai began to spin around. »—probably try to—« And he spun. »—attack us—« he spun faster and faster. »—but that’s all—« And he spun. »—part of the plan. If we—« And he spun. »—can neutralize the enemy’s—« And he spun, finally slowing down a bit. »—attacks and get—« And he spun. »—to a point where—« He was spinning slower now. »—we can touch him—« Finally the movement stopped . »—then it’s our win. Blrgh,« he threw up and Adam watched helplessly as the feared mafioso vomited.

»I just don’t get what’s going on,« the robot investigator said as Chuuya walked around Dazai to wrap the cord around his torso again.

»I’m getting revenge on him at the same time as he’s explaining our strategy,« he elaborated even though he thought that the situation didn’t need an explanation because the reason should be obvious.

»Ahh,« the robot commented as if Chuuya’s words didn’t help at all.

»It’s my right to get revenge,« he said, suddenly getting defensive. »He gave N’s information to Verlaine to earn us some time knowing I would be tortured. Not to mention, as a result of that information, Detective-san was killed. There’s no way I’d let him go without payback,« the redhead glared at the tied-up Dazai. »I could think of 190 ways of exacting my revenge, and out of all of them, this one is the 2nd kindest. If I do any more than this, he won’t be fit enough to act as the commander in our upcoming operation. It’s taking everything I have to compromise.« And the real Chuuya watched Dazai’s blank face. Maybe he should’ve chosen the kindest revenge plan he had at the time. This wasn’t— he shouldn’t have— real Chuuya let out a sigh. It didn’t matter anymore. This was in the past now.

»Sigh,« Adam imitated the noise he heard humans make. »Even after hearing that, I still don’t understand a thing.«

»Don’t worry, Adam-chan! I, too, have no idea what’s going on.« Shirase soothed the robot while placing a hand on his shoulder.

»Adam-chan…?«

»Let me continue explaining.« Dazai interrupted their little talk. »When the gate fully opens, Verlaine surrenders his consciousness to the monster of singularity. It’s just like he’s asleep while in this state. He’ll also automatically fight back against anything that seems hostile. Keyword: automatically. He won’t react to non-hostile contact since he doesn’t have the ability to judge it. So, we’ll continue feigning attacks with a decoy unit while Chuuya approaches him unarmed.« He made a little pause for dramatic effect as his lips stretched into a smile that foreshadowed the destruction his plan would bring. »Slowly, elegantly, we’ll make him swallow the poison with love—like giving candy to a baby.«

The memory faded and he was standing in the white abyss again. And for the first time, he kinda appreciated the nothingness after witnessing Chuuya’s revenge session, he needed a moment to calm down his stomach.

»Hey, Verlaine-san.« Dazai greeted the older male. Real Chuuya knew it was a part of Dazai’s plan but damn: the train derailed and Verlaine believed that Mori was in the train. But Dazai had set up this trap using Hirotsu as Mori’s doppelganger and it worked. It was Dazai’s plan so of course it did. Still, seeing it play out was always strange to Chuuya, especially since the younger one just faced off against Verlaine again. Sure, he had a plan, but he remembered being not happy about this part of the plan. Not that he ever voiced his concerns. The bandaged teen was currently sitting on the edge of the derailed train, seemingly without a care in the world.

»Dazai-kun,« Verlaine said while picking up his head. »I’ve heard of the phrase, ‘Intelligence isn’t dependent upon your age’, but… My goodness, you’re terrifying.« Yup, he definitely was. Dazai wasn’t called ‘demon prodigy’ for nothing, after all.

»You did this to yourself,« Dazai commented dryly, like a mother who admonished her child. Chuuya rolled his eyes with an amused grin. God, the bastard felt probably badass for saying that. »This time around, you moved too much in accordance with your personal feelings. I knew you’d do this much.« He paused a second, eyes focusing on Verlaine’s. Did he make the small artic break for dramatic effect? Always so sure of himself as soon as one of his plans unfolds in front of him. He looked at Dazai, but in his eye wasn’t the usual arrogant amusement he always had when he just check-mated his opponent. Strange. His gaze was… Serious? The executive could count on one hand how often Dazai had looked serious whilst having the upper hand. So this had to be something huge. »Why are you so fixated on Chuuya?« Huh?

»Is it really so strange that an older brother fusses over his younger brother?« The older male said.

“Tze, ‘fuss’,” the redhead scoffed. “You straight-up murdered my friends, asshole.” What wouldn’t he give to be able to punch ‘his brother’ now with full force?

»It’s really strange, actually,« Dazai answered and Chuuya could hear his thoughts running wild with anger: He isn’t your brother and How dare you make Chuuya suffer and He isn’t like you and the redhead just smiled. »First of all, what makes you seriously believe that Chuuya’s your younger brother?« His voice was so emotionless that no-one would ever suspect that Verlaine’s assumption bothered him. Geez, Dazai always knew how to piss people off. It was fun when the real Chuuya wasn’t the victim of the bandage waster’s plans and taunts.

»What?« Verlaine asked after a small pause. His eyebrows drew together in irritated anger as he looked at Dazai, who just sat calmly on the train wreck. Yeah, it probably sucked to be a grown-up and get owned like this by a teenager, but damn Verlaine deserved this.

»You saw it too, right? Chuuya’s original they experimented on. He became a skeleton and died,« Dazai stated while swinging his legs that dangle from the train wreck. Ah, that’s the reason why the bastard kept asking him about the short time before Chuuya crashed through the wall, ready to fight the assassin again. »They practically looked the same. Their abilities were awfully similar. They have plenty of other commonalities, too. What if instead, that skeleton was the man-made gifted lifeform and the living Chuuya, whose only redeeming factor is his vitality, was the original? Can you read through the limited documents on his past as someone not personally involved?« Wait. This would mean that… The Flags and the detective died because…Verlaine got him mixed up with a fucking clone? His friends had to die because the ‘assassin king’ messed up?!

Uncontrollable wrath. Red markings crawling on his skin, growing in size to consume his body.

That’s what should have happened. Corruption. Chuuya felt furious and sad. He could feel his eyes begin to sting, but the emotional damage was immediately forgotten. He. Didn’t. Feel. Arahabaki. What the fuck? He always felt the flames of the destructive god that wanted to burn him alive in all his wrath. Could always hear his voice begging to devour his enemies. Now that he started to think about it: he didn’t feel the inevitable presence of the god at all since he was stuck in Dazai’s memories.

»That can’t be,« Verlaine stared at him, his tone a mixture of confusion and suppressed rage. »I’m not so stupid as to mistake the target for my undercover missions. There’s no mistaking that he’s the same artificial lifeform I took from the research facility nine years ago. « Chuuya had other problems than Verlaine’s stupidity. God dammit. If he couldn’t feel Arahabaki that could mean two things: One, his real body and the god are fast asleep. Chuuya’s consciousness is in Dazai’s memories and the god can’t follow him to this weird place, because Dazai’s ability is keeping the higher being under control. Two, his body was raging as Arahabaki’s vessel to bring death and chaos and since Dazai is probably not able to stop corruption Chuuya is dead.

Please let it be one. Shit. What was he supposed to do if two was happening right now? Panic began to spread through his body. He couldn’t do anything to prevent the possible chaos his body could spread! And didn’t the other persons hit with this ability go berserk? He had to wake up. He needed to get a grip and get out of the ability and—

»If you look into it, you’ll know right away,« the brunette said with a hint of a smile. It was ridiculous, but the words calmed the executive. Maybe Chuuya was just used to Dazai’s voice talking him down. Even if he wasn’t speaking to him. How could he? Chuuya wasn’t really here. But if the real Dazai were, what would he say or do? The redhead took a deep breath to collect himself while closing his eyes. Dazai would probably make a stupid joke about dying together or some shit like that. Most likely he would whine that he had to die with Chuuya instead of a beautiful woman. The executive smirked, opening his eyes again. If he recalled it correctly the jackass actually thought that he was beautiful and mesmerizing. So a real double suicide jackpot and— He was already too long in the other’s memories, that’s why he had such bullshit thoughts as ‘double suicide jackpot’. It did help to ease his mind though. Maybe that was part of the reason why Dazai even said that in inappropriate moments. And after the jokingly expressed death wish the younger one -depending on the topic- would give helpful or bullshit advice. In this situation, Chuuya knew that Dazai would at least try to be helpful. The bandaged idiot was always serious when it came to Arahabaki. So the detective would probably ask if he felt strong emotions like rage whilst being stuck in the ability, before this moment. Mhm, did he? He hadn’t felt real rage. Dazai’s memories were surprisingly pleasant, so this was the first real rage he felt. And other emotions? would probably be the follow-up question of the former demon prodigy. Chuuya did feel sad, really fucking sad and he kinda had a breakdown, which -if this would be a real conversation with Dazai- was hard to admit. But Chuuya would’ve told Dazai because the other may make fun of everyone and everything but there is one topic he doesn’t joke about: Arahabaki. So he would never judge or laugh, would never use it as blackmail. Was it a bad enough breakdown to trigger corruption? He could basically hear the twenty-two-year-old asking the question. And the answer would be a clear yes, ‘cause he really lost it when he witnessed Albatross’s death again. Then you won’t have to worry. If option two happened back then you would be dead already, so it must be option one. Enjoy your time without your god. It was really strange how an imagined conversation with the bandage waster could ease him. Chuuya smiled and concentrated on the actual memory again. »Luckily, this time around, the folks over at the research facility can demonstrate how to rewrite the string of equations inside Chuuya. If I captured a researcher using the mafia’s power, I’d gladly tell you what the equation said. Then we’d really know what Chuuya is,« Dazai told Verlaine cheerfully. »Fortunately for you, we have a lot of time.«

»You’re talking as if you’re convinced Chuuya’s a human being,« the assassin concluded out of Dazai’s behavior.

»I am convinced.« Not a trace of doubt in his voice, just as if he was stating a fact. Humans need air to survive, every person is going to die one day, and Chuuya is human. Real Chuuya just felt his heart clench and his chest felt all warm and tingling. Dazai was the only person that didn’t question his humanity. The bandage wearer sighed and then started to laugh a little. »An artificial string of equations couldn’t create that humanity I despise so much,« he said. But his mind said something different: An artificial string could never create someone I’d adore as much as Chuuya. The executive smiled a bit and successfully willed away his tears. God, this ability was doing something weird to his eyes. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be brought to tears this often, by something so small. He normally didn’t cry this easily. Maybe it was the lack of Arahabaki’s presence? The assassin sighed and stepped towards Dazai. His movements were slow and somewhat tired like he had to talk to an incredibly annoying person. And in this case, he could understand the older male. Talking to Dazai could lead to the following side effects: headache, tiredness, (tears apparently), and a ruined mood. Chuuya snickered a little at his joke, quietly reciting the risk and side-effect notice every medication commercial had.

»I would be more than happy to explain why this is all a misunderstanding, but… You have another job.« Verlaine said, slowly closing the distance between him and the brunette. »Your job is to tell me where Mori Ougai is, not his body double. It’s a backbreaking job. Literally.«

»In other words, you don’t feel like giving in?«

»Of course not.«

»Is that so…« Dazai stared into the air, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Then he faced Verlaine, a look of regret on his face. »Then it’s your loss.« At that, a bullet hit Verlaine on the head. His body bent backward, and he lost his balance and fell down a leafy slope. He rolled a few times before he stopped, fixing Dazai with a harsh look.

»A sniper?« He asked, confusion in his voice. »Th—« He couldn’t finish talking, because he was hit with another bullet. He almost fell again, but this time he could hold his balance through his hand that was steadying himself on the ground.

»Your ability only works when you touch the target.« The brunette explained, legs still dangling on the edge of the train wreck. »Meaning, a bullet is sure to hit you. Only, you’d stop it right away, right? Which is why if we hit you with a bullet from a high-caliber sniper several times faster than a normal bullet, you’d still be struck the minute you stop it with your gravity. And—« The young male lifted his hand lazily and immediately bullets flew toward Verlaine. From all directions, snipers fired at him and he tried to take cover but it was to no use. There was nowhere to hide. The bullets pierced through his clothes, brushing his skin. It wasn’t enough to draw blood, but it was a lot. All he could do was to make himself seem smaller, covering his head with his arms.

»You chose the wrong enemy, Verlaine-san.« The brunette said with a slight smile. »My countermeasures for your gravitational ability are foolproof.« Yeah, the countermeasures were scary, considering that Chuuya basically had the same gravitational ability. Seemed like the younger male had a plan to get rid of him. »After all, whether asleep or awake, I’m constantly thinking up ways to annoy Chuuya.« Okay. Maybe it wasn’t as drastic as Chuuya made it out to be a second ago. The bastard just seemed a bit obsessed with him, which didn’t bother the redhead, oh no, on the contrary: He was glad that the other thought about him. God, they were fucked-up, weren’t they? The executive smiled. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

»It pisses me off just talking about it,« Chuuya spat. The redhead and Adam sat in a small plane, just like Dazai planned. And the real Dazai was just sort of flying next to them in the air. It’s almost taunting, really, being this high up and not being able to fall to your death sucks. At least if you ask Dazai. »In the end, everything’s going exactly as Dazai set it up to be.« And the bandaged detective couldn’t help but smugly grin a little, because yes, his plans did work out. And if he weren’t just haunting the executive’s memories, the redhead would scream bloody murder at him for wearing that ‘shit-eating grin!’, right before attempting to punch him. And Dazai would admire the way those blue eyes spark with emotion. »But I can’t back out now. I have a debt to repay, and I’m the only one who can handle his ability with minor injuries.« It was almost laughable how Dazai was known for his suicidal tendencies, but no-one accused Chuuya of them, because the redhead was far more self-destructive in a self-sacrificing way, which was definitely worse. Sure, this had been Dazai’s plan, but Chuuya shouldn’t feel that devoted to it in all honesty. Verlaine was in a state quite similar to Chuuya’s corrupted form. He was shooting spheres of gravity and Chuuya’s mission was to get as close to him as possible.

»Be careful,« the robot inspector warned. »Even with your ability, you can’t neutralize him if you get hit by those spheres of gravity. If possible, you should get close to him from above without him realizing—« Adam interrupted himself with a loud shout. »Watch out!«

A sphere of gravity was coming at them with incredible speed. Even though the robot inspector steered away, the wind of the gravitational sphere pulled them in, and destroyed the plane so Adam and Chuuya used the emergency exit and were flying through the air. Adam then activated a parachute, but at this rate, they would get hit by another sphere. They needed to cut the parachute loose immediately.

»It’s no good! At this rate, we’ll be shot at! Adam, cut the parachute!« Chuuya commanded just as the real Dazai finished his thoughts. The former demon prodigy smiled at that. That’s why Chuuya used to be his partner. He didn’t show it off, but the redhead had also a very brilliant mind, especially in situations like this.

»But—,« Adam wanted to veto, but Chuuya interrupted him.

»Do it!« And Adam did. He reached for his automatic pistol and fired the bullets at the cord of the parachute. A few moments later they were once again falling freely down to the ground.

»Not bad,« the future executive laughed, while a grin spread over his face. Dazai was struck once again. Chuuya looked so alive grinning like that while seemingly falling to his death. »We’ll crash into him like this! Adam, calculate the fall trajectory!«

»Understood.« Adam grabbed Chuuya and tied a cord, normally used for communication, to his shoulders, thus tying them both together for stabilization. »Commencing the gliding descent phase.« Adam created a paraglider with the press on both of his sides. The silverish-white film stretched from his arms to his hips in a triangular shape.

»These are gliding films made for chasing criminals who escape to the ground from a higher floor.« The robot explained and Dazai snorted, naturally the robot was prepared for a situation similar to this. »I’ll control our trajectory. Chuuya-sama, please focus on neutralizing the enemy’s attacks!«

»Of course.« They flew with high speed towards the target and even with the high wind pressure, Chuuya didn’t narrow his eyes even in the slightest. He was fully fixed on the target as they fell towards it like a meteorite. »Dazai, you son of a bitch… When I get back, I am definitely hanging you upside down…!« The bandaged detective just laughed at that without realizing that the scenery started to morph into the obnoxious white abyss.

The next memory started almost where the last one ended. Dazai wasn’t sitting on the train wreck anymore, he was standing on it, looking at Verlaine’s fighting silhouette that formed spheres to shoot at his enemies. The younger one looked displeased. He pulled a walkie-talkie out of his coat pocket.

»Hello hello, good friends of mine. I’ve heard the reports.« Ah. So it was this call. »So you defeated Verlaine? I’m thoroughly impressed! Even though I was in a, ‘Well, even if I’m crushed flat in the sky, at least I’ll be like Chuuya’ kind of mood when I came up with it.« Real Chuuya rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help grinning as he watched Dazai’s face lit up. The teasing gleam in his eye was just adorable, even if Chuuya was at the end of his punchline.

»You know what, you bastard…« He could hear his pissed younger self through the walkie-talkie.

»But that’s not why I’m contacting you,« the younger one interrupted his insult. »Have you seen N?« That stupid researcher who started all this shit that was about to happen. Right now Chuuya must have successfully poisoned Verlaine with Adam’s help. The robot inspector had a needle hidden in the tip of his finger and injected the poison in a moment the older gravity manipulator didn’t expect.

»Huh? N?« His younger self questioned. The anger from the insult was already forgotten and replaced with sincere confusion. »Wasn’t he kidnapped by Verlaine?« Dazai nodded his head and the real Chuuya snickered a bit, it took the demon prodigy a second to realize that his partner couldn’t see his nod.

»Exactly,« he verbally confirmed. »So I sent for a rescue team. We need his knowledge, especially so he could take a look inside of you, Chuuya.« The line was silent for a few seconds and he saw Dazai smile a little because he knew what this meant: Chuuya realized the endgame of the bandaged boy.

»So that’s how it is. He was your objective from the very beginning?« The voice sounded through the walkie-talkie and though it was a question it didn’t sound like one.

»Have you finally realized?« Real Chuuya remembered how Dazai’s laugh sounded through the walkie-talkie and how unsure he was back then if it was sincere. But looking at the boy he knew it was: his eye beamed and he used his hand to hide his mouth, to soften the sounds. It was funny in a way because Dazai always felt the need to hide his real laugh, afraid that it didn’t sound nice, that it would drive others away. But damn, it was beautiful. It seemed too big for his face, his hand couldn’t hide anything at all and it sounded kinda airy with a slight whistle now and then because two of his teeth had a bigger space between them. It’s so adorable, Chuuya could never get enough of that unique laugh. Dazai got back to the topic after his laughter died. »No matter how many times I save Mori-san’s life, my loyalty just doesn’t run deep enough to face off against such a frightening man,« he stated, completely unbothered by the fact that he was talking about the boss of the Port Mafia. »By implementing the formula N knows, or maybe his knowledge in general, the plan to make Chuuya my faithful maid—«

»Ahh, shove it!« was the immediate response to Dazai’s taunt. But seeing the teasing grin on his face and his amused eyes was kinda worth all the stupid jokes. Does Chuuya realize I’d do anything for him? What. God, hearing this felt wrong. He wanted Dazai to say it to his ‘stupid fucking gorgeous face’. »So? What’s your point, asking if we’ve seen N?«

»The car bringing N over from the construction site disappeared. I’ve lost contact with N.« And now the real Chuuya could see how displeased Dazai was about this. His expression was really scary right now.

»What?« His younger self asked over the walkie-talkie.

»Something may have happened,« the younger boy stated, clearly hating the fact that he didn’t know what it was.

Dazai saw fractions of Chuuya’s memories. It was weird, pictures and voices flashing in the white nothingness that surrounded the bandaged detective. They were in the forest, Verlaine defeated, and Chuuya carried him and the robot. Then a flare lightened up the sky in rainbow colors, small colorful fragments moving through the sky. Ah, the soundless melody that wakes the sleeping beast, Dazai remembered this. N was the one who started the supposed ending of the world. Verlaine screamed, the ground shook and the rainbow pieces flew toward the screaming assassin. Tiny metal scraps sparkled in every color imaginable. It would’ve been beautiful if it wasn’t for the painful screams of the adult.

»What’s with him?!« He could hear Chuuya but he couldn’t see him. Did the metal pieces also screw with the redhead’s memory? No. That couldn’t be, Chuuya told him what happened, so he had a decent memory.

»…isn’t…poison…him,« Adam shouted, but only a few bits reached Dazai’s ears. This was strange.

»… researcher…knew…secret…forest…, « Verlaine said and Dazai knew what he was talking about: The secret behind his ability was the gentle forest. N awakened it with the flare gun and the chaos started.

»Flucations…swallowing…light…Doppler Effect!« Adam’s voice was shrill and loud, like the siren of a police car. »…get out…wavelength patterns…same…nine years…«

»Nine years ago?« That was Chuuya’s panic creeping into his voice. »…Verlaine… happening?!« Now Dazai could see the surroundings flicker like a candle flame in the wind, but Verlaine was creating waves of gravity, the light was sucked in and the potential energy sent blue sparks in the air.

»The world… is done for…« He reached his hand out toward the sixteen-year-old. »Run, Chuuya!« As soon as he touched him the younger one was flying through the air like he was a piece of paper flipped away. Then the memory stopped and Dazai was left standing in the white abyss once again.

He was still standing beside Dazai on the train wreck, watching from afar as the beast tore the sky in half. So Guivre looked like this from the outside. Real Chuuya stared at the monster that towered over the scenery, bubbles of gravity surrounding it, making any attack pointless. His younger self was inside of that thing being stuck in a seemingly endless fast swirling darkness, seeing Verlaine’s memory of breaking Chuuya out of the glass tube. And after the memory was over, Adam sacrificed himself to get Chuuya out of there, giving up his dream of protecting people by founding the first detective agency with only machines, because ‘I got to protect you. That is enough for me’. So Chuuya was being saved at the cost of someone else dying again. He hated it, but at least Adam came back after the mission was done, ‘cause his creator was predicting this situation.

»Haha,« he heard Dazai laugh oddly distorted as the singularity in the near distance opened its mouth and black light came out with a roar, leaving nothing but destruction behind. »Unbelievable. He just shot a black hole like it was a laser.« His eye scanned the surroundings, frantically searching but unable to see anything. Where is Chuuya? And the redhead was surprised by the desperate sound the thought had paired with the wide-opened eye. »This isn’t an ability anymore. No, this type of phenomenon doesn’t happen on Earth. It’s a natural phenomenon that we measure in our galaxy, in the middle of the sun, or anywhere else in space. He doesn’t even feel like fighting living creatures. It’s impossible. There’s no way we can win.« Guivre was stomping towards the city, following the human hatred it could sense from afar. And Dazai reached for his communication tool and spoke into it. »Mori-san? You should run away, he’s heading your way.«

»I can see the raid going on, too.« Mori’s voice sounded out of the radio, weirdly calm. »Looks like quite an amazing feat.«

»It’s not amazing at all,« the younger one responded with a frown. »That’s another Arahabaki, the one from nine years ago that blew up Suribachi city and created that crater just by waking up for a moment. If that power was continuously unleashed in the city, Yokohama would sink to the bottom of the sea. This is out of our control, now.« Dazai looked towards the singularity that was slowly but steadily moving toward the city.

»Dazai-kun, do you know why I decided to be boss?« The voice of the former underground doctor sounded almost cheerful.

»Mori-san.« Dazai sounded so done all of the sudden, clearly not up for whatever the boss wanted to say. »Now’s not the time to be talking about such things.«

»I don’t have a useful ability like you all out there do. In that sense, I’m slightly better off than you are. All I have is the intuition to estimate how many men we need and send them to the battlefield.« The bandaged boy stared stunned at the radio in his hands. Being silent for a second, clearly deciphering what Mori wanted to say.

»You want us to beat him?« He questioned like the older one lost his mind.

»You told me to run, but where could I run away from such a monster?« The boss of the Port Mafia responded. Chuuya stared back at the singularity and had to admit that the older male made an extremely good point. »Instead, I want to see you guys—you and Chuuya-kun overcome this crisis. That would surely mark the dawn of a new era.«

»Easy for you to say,« the bandage waster sounded annoyed and stared a hole through the radio. »But Chuuya’s probably dead,« and after that sentence, his thoughts were running wild, because no, he can’t be and he isn’t supposed to die before me, and he surely is alive somewhere, right? but his voice didn’t even quiver and he just talked without a break, while his thoughts were running 30 miles an hour. »He was the closest one to Verlaine when he became that monster, and he hasn’t responded to my calls. Even if he guarded against it with his gravity, he’d be in the monster’s stomach by now… Tell me, what am I thinking right now?« Mori didn’t say anything and Dazai saw that as a sign to continue. »I’m thinking, ‘Isn’t this the perfect opportunity? If I’m hit by that, I’ll surely disappear within an instant with nothing left behind. No pain, no suffering, and no mess after death’. This is a golden opportunity, I seldom see things capable of that.« Radio silence was his answer.

»What you say is probably correct,« Mori started after a while. »But you will fight against that monster and you’ll fight desperately. I just know it.« The demon prodigy beside Chuuya just rolled his eyes.

»Unlikely, but for the sake of it, I’ll ask your reasoning.«

»It’s a very simple reason.« And Chuuya could hear the smile in the voice. »If you die at the hands of that monster, then that means no one can save Chuuya-kun and he dies, too. In other words, the death you so eagerly wait for will end up as a double suicide with Chuuya-kun.«

Dazai was silent. He looked at the ground, his thoughts came to an end and then he shakily breathed.

»Why did you just make that noise?« His voice sounded almost mocking.

»No reason,« was the rushed excuse. »Anyways, it’s pointless trying to manipulate me. I’m cutting the line.« And the boy pushed some buttons on the radio and then it was silent. Dazai just stood there, motionless for a few seconds, then he pushed the radio against his chest and crouched down into a ball. »Anything but thaaaaaaaat!!« he shouted towards the ground with closed eyes. Chuuya can’t have a double suicide with me, he deserves someone better. That was the only thought rushing through the brunette’s mind and Chuuya crouched down in front of the teenager, chuckling.

“You’re such a drama queen and it’s annoyingly endearing,” he said and the boy suddenly straightened up again, almost making Chuuya believe he just heard him, but the brunette was facing Guivre again, watching something flying out between the monster’s hip and back. Chuuya! was his immediate thought and he just jumped off the train wreck sprinting towards the singularity, completely ignoring Hirotsu who was worriedly screaming that he should ‘come back’, it was to no avail. Real Chuuya was running too now, just to not get left behind by the crazy mackerel. Damn, sometimes the redhead forgot how fast and agile the younger boy could be if he wanted to. He moved so quickly and still managed to avoid the trees and other obstacles with such ease that it was almost ridiculous. Be alive, be alive, be alive was the repeating mantra that went through the boy’s head over and over again as he maneuvered through the forest. Then he suddenly stopped running. A body— no, the remains of a body were laying in a gigantic footprint. Dazai rushed over there and slid down the small slope the foot left behind. That’s not, that can’t be… He inspected the dead scenery and then he let out a relieved sigh. It’s N, not Chuuya, he looked around but couldn’t find anything of use, so he started to run again. After a while he made a quick turn to his left, slowing down his steps. The executive was so confused as to why Dazai stopped and- oh. The bandaged boy was reaching for a hat stuck in a tree branch or at least he tried to reach it. The branch was just out of his arm range. He scoffed, clearly annoyed, and Chuuya was smirking ‘cause even the stupid pole bean had moments like this. Dazai searched the forest ground and picked up a twig. It wasn’t big nor long, but it should do its job. Dazai used it to successfully push the hat out of the tree.

“Finally, you stupid hat,” the boy mumbled and started to run again, a bit slower this time, but still pretty fast. It didn’t take him long to reach his destination. A few meters ahead he saw Chuuya sitting on the ground. He’s alive, he’s alive! he thought, smiling sweetly. He slowly stopped to run, taking a small break to catch his breath. Chibi doesn’t need to know I ran here, so play it cool. »What, you’re still alive, Chuuya?« He said after he calmed down, walking through the trees as if nothing could phase him.

“God, you’re such a hopeless dork,” real Chuuya said with a smirk. Dazai threw the hat at Chuuya when he was close enough. It was Verlaine’s hat.

»Dazai,« His younger self fixed the brunette with a sharp glare. »I don’t feel like talking to you right now.« He just lost Adam after all and talking to Dazai was tiring even when he wasn’t already feeling like shit. Ah, that was probably too cool. The real Chuuya chuckled.

»I found N’s corpse,« he stated, coming straight to the point and not sounding concerned at all. »He was crushed underfoot. Now, everyone who knew whether or not you were a human have all disappeared,« he made a little artificial pause. »Are you frustrated?«

»You tell me. I…« His younger self started, but then he realized something and stared into the younger boy’s brown eye. »Wait. You mean, you’ve found another way to tell if I’m human or not even without N?«

»Looks like I’ve been had,« the bandage waster laughed. »I managed to capture a few subordinates of N’s at the research facility. They know how to read the formula inside of you, even if they don’t know what it means.« He started to smile a bit and his younger self remembered thinking that probably wasn’t a good sign. »I got a brief rundown but, well, I could’ve told you which it was if I analysed you over a few days.« His younger version looked at his partner with a tired expression.

»I wouldn’t let a guy like you peek inside of me.« A fact, nothing more. Who in the world would let Dazai peek inside them? That just screamed ‘bad idea’. Kinda funny now, because Dazai was currently in his memories, wasn’t he? Seeing all the things Chuuya never told him and his brilliant mind will figure out exactly what it means.

»Whaaat? Don’t be like that, you could show me!« His voice was a mix between sulky and insulted. »It would be super interesting, and I wouldn’t let anyone else see what’s inside!« You trust me, right? and now the smile the younger boy wore didn’t seem as dark as Chuuya remembered. Seems like he misinterpreted Dazai’s joyful excitement for sinister intentions. »I also asked how to tell the difference. If you were a human, then the facility would try to take your memories away. Meaning, there would be a log of memories that have been erased, like your parents and how you spent your childhood. That’s how we’ll be able to tell. What do you think?« God, he was so proud of his plan.

»First of all, the thought of only you seeing what goes on inside of my head is so disgusting I’d rather puke blood!« The sixteen-year-old spat out and the real Chuuya regretted his rude reaction a bit because Dazai’s expression didn’t change, but his hopeful thoughts vanished completely. »Second—« The ground suddenly rumbled and shook. The young Chuuya stopped talking and grasped his head. Right. He remembered the intense headache. »Gah?!« He could recall the voice creeping inside his mind, telling him ‘I hate it’ over and over again. It was Verlaine’s voice. What’s wrong? he heard the worried thought and then immediately after the brunette spoke: »What’s the matter, Chuuya?«

Before Chuuya could answer, the ground started to move forward and both teens grabbed the ground to steady themselves. But as they looked around they realized that the earth wasn’t moving at all, no, the trees leaned forward and small pebbles all rolled towards a certain point. In the center of said point of the remains of the beast was its black tail. It moved around like a worm and the mud around it bubbled as if it was boiling. The black limb wiggled around, slowly changing its shape. In the middle of the tail was gravitational power which, similar to the gravitational force of the earth, pulled anything towards it.

»You’ve gotta be kidding…«

»So that’s how it is…« the future detective stated as he glared at the twitching tail. The earth underneath the black mess began to crack just as the tail shaped a reptilian face.

»Watch out!« His younger version screamed and used his ability to jump sideways to grab Dazai and pull him inside the forest. The black mass calmed down as something from within. It was as if a piece of the universe just suddenly appeared on earth. The ground shook and black lightning hit a group of buildings that were farther away. Lights flickered, then it faded.

»What the…«

The younger version didn’t know what to say. They were far away from the city, so it was lucky the lightning didn’t hit the middle of Yokohama, otherwise thousands of people would have been dead in a fraction of a second.

»Was that… a release of gravity?« Dazai was the first to find his voice again. A rigid expression on his face. »That’s impossible. It can reach even farther than before.« In front of them, the monster started to transform, and next to the reptilian head shoulders appeared. It had two glowing red eyes that were on its face like it would be on a human. It grew thick black arms and an enormous torso. It emerged from the black mass and pulsated, while doing that it also grew in size. »Don’t look at it, Chuuya.« The brunette whispered. »It reacts to human emotions, so don’t give it any attention. Look somewhere else.« And Chuuya didn’t realize it back then, but Dazai -again- just implied his humanity. The younger redhead slowly moved his head to the ground as the older one stared at the beast. The gigantic body of the creature blocked out the moonlight. »It can’t be burned with flames.« Real Chuuya looked at the younger boy, who also looked at the ground. »It doesn’t matter how big a gifted weapon’s flames are. Not to mention, while it may look like a giant beast, it’s not even an entity. It’s merely a singularity with an infinite amount of energy stored in a condensed space. It has no organs or weak points and will continue to move until all of its energy is expended.«

»It’ll keep moving until it uses up all its energy, huh,« his younger self repeated Dazai’s co-conclusion. »How long will that be?«

»Maybe a week, maybe a year.« The younger boy said with a calm-looking forced smile. »Or maybe it’ll keep moving until the world ends. However long it takes for its energy to run out.« The monster chose that exact moment to move. Both teenagers watched as the heavy body started to move forwards. Every movement of the trembling body was accompanied by blue lighting caused by pure energy. With every step trees toppled over and the claws of the beast dragged into the ground. It was the true form of the demonic beast Guivre.

»It could have absorbed the singularity energy found in that ball of heat.« The brunette said, his voice still just loud enough that the younger Chuuya could understand it. »There’s no way the authorities in Europe would have experimented with clashing two weapons of singularity together.«

»That bastard. It’s heading for the city,« his younger self grumbled as he watched the beast moving towards the buildings.

»It’ll be able to see that from the city soon. It started walking in response to our gazes, which means it won’t stop until there are no more people left to look at it,« the bandaged boy explained, also watching the beast moving in the direction of the city. His younger self grabbed the brunette roughly on the shoulder.

»Then why are we just standing here?! Yokohama will be destroyed and the Port Mafia will disappear!« He emphasized it by shaking the demon prodigy a little.

»Then what should we do? You want to bring that ever-growing giant over and have a fist fight?« Dazai tried to shake the other off but Chuuya’s grip didn’t budge. His voice had a certain edge to it as he looked into the older’s eyes with a cold gaze. »It’s impossible. Can’t you see it? This is a singularity, something that takes on a form through the loopholes in this world, something that shouldn’t exist. It’s not something you can beat like a human.«

»That’s not true.« The redhead said, staring into the other eyes. There is that look again, real Chuuya heard, that passionate gaze that refuses to ever give up. His younger self let go of Dazai and said the next part with so much pathos that it even struck the twenty-two-year-old. »I know there’s a way to defeat it. There’s gotta be.«

I’m afraid not, the brunette thought as he let himself ‘fall’ to the ground as if his knees suddenly lost their strength. »Hahaha, how interesting. What makes you say that?« The bandage wearer asked with interest as he moved his legs a bit to sit more comfortably on the ground.

»Verlaine. When I was inside of him, I saw his memories.« Oh, the irony that he was now in Dazai’s memories was just astounding.

»His memories?« The other asked with a raised eyebrow.

»Memories of when he had taken me from the research facility,« he clarified. »He and Rimbaud had a fight over me before it turned into a full-fledged battle. It must’ve been right after that where he fought Arahabaki and lived to tell the tale.« Dazai looked at him and then he narrowed his eyes at him.

»I see. So it’s like that, huh?«

»Yeah. There’s a way to erase Arahabaki’s— a singularity’s existence. He showed me that memory in order to tell me what it was.«

»Shall we talk about this over a cup of coffee, then?« The brunette started to grin. Maybe there’s really a way to defeat it. Hell yeah there is. Real Chuuya knew that they successfully fought that beast after all.

“What are you doing?” The tiny micro-organism asked. His right eyebrow arched as he looked at Dazai’s younger self who was sitting on the forest ground and stretching his arms in Chuuya’s direction. The redhead spent the last five minutes explaining what he saw in Verlaine’s memories. Real Dazai didn’t appreciate the irony of their current situation. He wanted to get out of Chuuya’s memories.

“Waiting for you to pull me up?” His younger self said, without an ounce of shame.

“What are you? Forty?” The redhead scoffed but pulled him up in one swift movement anyway. The brunette brushed off the dirt from his clothes and then started to walk away.

“Come on, fairy,” he mocked and wasn’t able to move out of the way of Chibi’s kick in time, but just pretended as if it didn’t hurt. “We have a beast to stop.”

“You already have a plan?”

“Technically it’s a plan, yes. Chuuya’s inside on Verlaine’s memories will help us turn this thing around, so no-one has to double-suicide with anyone.”

“Strangely specific,” the tiny teenager mumbled but let  it go. “Care to explain your plan?” He asked as they both started to move through the forest.

“Glady!” His younger self spoke enthusiastically. “And we have enough time to discuss this on our way to the meeting point.”

Real Dazai was just walking beside the teenagers while they talked about the plan. It was nice that the memory didn’t fade away for once.

The wind hit him in the face. He was standing on the old industrial gas tank. In front of him, his younger version was looking at the destruction Guivre brought, while young Dazai was leaning his arms on the rail of the gas tank. They were right next to each other, wind twirling their hair and the distant smell of fire in the air. It was calm up here. They were at the eye level of the beast. Guivre stepped on an entrance and exit ramp for a highway and it all crumbled under its gigantic foot. It didn’t make a sound. It was just gone. Silently pulverized. Such a weird feeling to see the soundless destruction of the world happen right in front of your eyes and yet somehow it was oddly calming. He just couldn’t describe it, but standing there with Dazai right next to him watching the beast move towards the city had something cathartic. It was surreal. It’s the classic definition of ‘the calm before the storm’, the real Chuuya thought as he watched the teens stare at the beast with glowing red eyes.

»I’d say there’s about 30 minutes until the center of Yokohama is turned to dust,« the younger one spoke up.

»It’s not like we’ll see it happen,« Chuuya commented while holding the hat in his hand. »Either he’ll be blown to pieces or we’ll be dead.« Well, a little bit of both. He’s going to demolish Guivre but his own body is going to take a lot of painful hits. It took incredibly long to recover and he was astounded that Mori gave him so much time to rest after this. Ultimately, he always gave him a long time to recover after using corruption. He even got a small break from missions when he got wounded in normal fights, not that that happened a lot. It was probably because the boss needed Chuuya in good shape for using corruption. Those small mission breaks stopped after Dazai defected, which only confirmed Chuuya’s hypothesis. Most of the time he didn’t need recovery time anyway.

»Ugh, gross. Committing a double suicide with you would be the worst,« Dazai made a theatrically disgusted face. »Just this once, I’ll take this seriously.« Real Chuuya could hear the small thought of Chibi can’t die.

»Fine by me. I don’t feel like dying today. I have to become an executive before you do so I can work you to the bone, after all.« God, he wished he would’ve gotten the chance to do that. He would’ve made Dazai eat and sleep like an ordinary person would, instead of his weird diet and chaotic three-hour power naps.

»Wow, so confident. You’re in the gem trade? Sounds like it’s going pretty well.« Now that Chuuya knew where Dazai was going with this, he could hear the slight amusement in his voice.

»There’s no way you can catch up to me. Our gems flow the way they do because our smugglers, buyers, and appraisers are the best in Yokohama,« God, his younger self shouldn’t sound so smug about it.

»Oh, I know,« he could hear Dazai smirk. »Before you took over, I was in charge of that.«

»What?!« The younger one turned to face Dazai with a surprised expression. »Does that mean you were the first one to design those distribution routes?!«

»He’s about to reach our target distance, so let’s worry about that later.« Dazai said, ignoring Chuuya’s outburst and concentrating on the beast again. The sound its footsteps made was getting louder, while the beast got closer and closer. Red gaze fixing the young mafia members standing on the gas tank. His younger version stared at it and then suddenly threw his head back to shout his frustration into the night sky: »I can’t believe I got Dazai’s leftovers!«

Guivre moved forward. Power lines snapped like rubber bands as they got in touch with the enormous body of the beast. Smaller objects like billboards and abandoned bikes floated into the air as a result of the abnormal gravity field that Guivre created. The objects turned to dust as they got close to its body, crumbling into dust in the blink of an eye.

»You remember the plan?« Dazai asked after a while of silently watching the destruction.

»Yeah.« Their clothes fluttered in the wind as they stood side by side, facing the enormous beast head-on.

»The only thing you have to be careful of is that this isn’t a sound plan. I don’t know what’ll happen since Guivre and Arahabaki are going to clash. I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole world was blown to pieces,« Dazai said and he wasn’t happy about the fact that he didn’t know what could happen. It was fascinating for him, but he mostly hated that he pushed Chuuya into an unknown battle. At least that’s the conclusion Chuuya pulled from Dazai’s thoughts that swirled around in his brain.

»It won’t blow to pieces,« his younger self just laughed as if he wasn’t facing a gigantic monster he had to fight. »Verlaine survived nine years ago by doing this.«

Dazai planned to have Chuuya open up his gate to counter Guivre’s power with Arahabaki’s energy.

»I already know how to open your gate. The activation spell is as N said, ‘Oh, grantors of dark disgrace. May ye never wake me again’. From there, the seal of instruction will reset itself. That alone won’t open the gate, but the hat will help.«

The hat his younger version held in his hand was a present from Rimbaud. It was embedded with metal that would allow Chuuya to control the activation of Arahabaki’s gate. The hat is the reason why Verlaine could open the gate at his own will and now it would allow Chuuya to do the same.

»It’s almost time. You’ll jump from here, open up your gate in front of the monster, then fight him with all your might.« Dazai explained the plan again as he took a walkie-talkie out of his coat pocket. »I’d better send the details of our strategy to my subordinates,« he held the communication tool to his mouth but didn’t activate it. Instead, he turned his head to Chuuya. »Is that ok?«

»We already decided it was,« Chuuya answered while facing the younger one with a suspiciously raised eyebrow. »What’s with you, asking something like that?«

Chuuya remembered this moment. It was so surreal to watch Dazai struggle to phrase something. He had a silver tongue; he always knew what to say, but in his mind his thoughts were constantly overlapping themselves, creating a mess that Chuuya couldn’t even understand as the brown-haired boy tried to figure out which words he should use. It was so out of character for the demon prodigy.

»There’s one problem,« Dazai spoke after a moment, still struggling with how he should voice what was on his mind. »It’s got nothing to do with the success of our plan. After all, even that is just another problem to overcome,« he made a small pause. »But, you might need some time to reach a decision.«

»What the hell are you on about?« His younger self wanted to know, crossing his arms in front of his chest because Dazai’s unusual behavior was starting to bump him out. »And quit acting important. Hurry up and say it.«

Maybe I can hint at it? Dazai thought and then started to talk again: »Remember earlier I said you use the activation spell to open your gate, and how that completely resets the string of formulas inside of you?« His voice was so weirdly small and soft all of the sudden. The younger Chuuya was starting to feel uneasy. »If you use it, your previously stored logs will be erased. Meaning… the formula that erased your memories of the past will also be deleted with it.« Chuuya unfolded his arms and let them fall to his sides again.

»Huh?« He was so confused at that moment. Here goes nothing, I have to say it.

»The formula for memory deletion. I said it before, didn’t I? To determine whether or not you’re human, we had to go through your erased memories to make sure of your past. So this means,« Dazai paused again, looking straight into Chuuyas eyes with a look he never wore when addressing Chuuya before: he was completely serious. It freaked his younger version out. Now that he was older he appreciated it. The one topic Dazai was always sincere about was Chuuya’s struggle with the question if he was human or not. His younger self will soon start to talk to Dazai more about Arahabaki and the effects it has on him and his body and the younger boy will be completely focused on the topic, giving thoughtful input. God, he loved those talks with Dazai. At first, they were short-lived and only resolved around Arahabaki, but they soon talked about other topics. They talked about work-related stuff and the newest gossip in the mafia because Dazai was such a drama lover and needed ‘intel’ -as he called it- on everyone, but mostly they talked trash and it was fun and refreshing. Almost making him feel like a normal teenager who didn’t kill for a living. Sometimes their talks would even revolve around Dazai’s struggles and suicidal tendencies, but they only ever scratch the surface of that huge topic. It still meant a lot to Chuuya that Dazai opened up a little to him about it. They’ll hang out more and play games and have late-night talks accompanied by whisky and wine or hot chocolate and sometimes even tea because Dazai pointed out it’s ‘funny spilling tea while drinking it’. The bandaged boy will start to hang out at Chuuya’s place almost every day and Chuuya will do anything he can to make the younger one sleep in his warm apartment instead of sleeping in his stupid container. Around that time he started to crush hard on the other boy, always wanting to keep him close to reassure himself that his suicidal partner wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. »By using the activation spell, we will never be able to determine whether or not you’re an artificially made human with equations for a personality or a normal human being—Ever.«

Time stopped for his younger self. He clearly remembered all thoughts leaving his mind making it feel like cotton. His body went numb as the reality of his situation sunk into his stomach, creating a weird sensation. Is he all right? He heard Dazai’s concerned thought and laughed a little. Yup, everything was just peachy.

»Verlaine was plagued with the curse of not knowing if he was human or not. It meant a lot to him, to be human.« The bandaged boy pulled out a pocket watch. Hirotsu once told Chuuya that he gifted it to him, after realizing how he looked at it ‘with sparkles in his eyes’, whenever he used it. »I can delay the start of our mission by about 2 minutes. I’ll place my subordinates on standby… It’d be better if you thought alone for a little bit. You probably won’t think straight if I’m here.« That was the moment his younger self realized that Dazai did have empathy. Chuuya was starting to think that Dazai had just no interest in them being closer to each other, but this moment proved him wrong. It was the reason why he never stopped caring for Dazai’s well-being even if it wasn’t always rewarding, ’cause the younger one could sure be a bitch about it when Chuuya stitched him up after another one of his attempts. Dazai turned to leave the top of the gas tank to give his younger self some space. And real Chuuya could hear his thoughts racing about a backup plan if his younger version wasn’t up for the plan anymore. It was almost worrying how fast he could think and how easily he postponed the plan to save the world for Chuuya’s sake. He arrived at the stairs and didn’t even reach the fourth step as he heard the metallic sound Chuuya’s shoe made as he took off into the air. The younger one turned around with a look of honest surprise on his face, which was a rarity. The brunette was taken back for a moment before a little laughing sound left his mouth. »Acting cool even in this situation, huh?« Dazai had a small smile on his lips. It was a mix between relieved and somewhat troubled. Sorry you have to do this, Chibi. »Chuuya’s off to attack. All members, prepare for battle,« he spoke into his walkie-talkie.

He was standing in nothingness again. But the white abyss slowly started to bleed into another color. Spots of black tripped from the roofless abyss like blood, overpainting the blending of white with an ominous black. Dazai was standing in complete darkness as soon as the last white spot was covered. It was unsettling. Soon dark red sparks started to bring him light again. They flew all around him like fireflies but they had something intimidating about them. They started to close in on him and Dazai realized that he knew this tone of red. It was ‘For The Tainted Sorrow’, no, it was even more than that: It had the dark tone ‘Corruption’ created.

Leave. You are not welcome here.

What the fuck. Someone was acknowledging his presence in Chuuya’s memories. Only one being in the world could accomplish that…

“Arahabaki,” Dazai felt stupid for saying that name into the nothingness, but it was the only explanation, even if it seemed impossible.

In all my might. Fear your God, mortal.

Yup. Definitely Arahabaki. Chibi used to talk about the god that lived inside him. Dazai once asked him if he could speak to the god. Chuuya had rolled his eyes and at first, Dazai thought the older one did it because he had asked a stupid question, but it was just because the god annoyed him.

“I only hear his voice whilst using Corruption and for like a day after I used it,” the tiny redhead explained.

“Well, how is it talking to a literal god, Chibi?”

“Annoying as hell. He’s all like: Destroy this, devour that, and fear me, mortal. It’s exhausting most of the time”, Chuuya said before taking a sip from his wine. Dazai loved their late-night talks. It was a habit they created as they started to grow closer. He missed it. All of it.

“So sometimes he’s alright?” Dazai had concluded and Chibi nodded amusedly.

“He loves to gossip. Our trash talks are his highlights. He started to tell me how annoying the other gods used to be and that he’s glad he doesn’t have to talk to them anymore. He is such a drama queen, it’s fun,” he laughed and Dazai will definitely talk about all the gossip he can find after Chuuya wakes up from using corruption in the future. “You know, I think you two would get along since you are both annoying and are the biggest drama queens I know.”

“Rude,” Dazai sulked, but secretly he was happy that Chuuya indirectly called him ‘fun’.

“Yeah, no that’s not going to happen,” he said and the red sparks around him flamed up, growing bigger. “How are you even talking to me? Don’t you usually only talk to Chibi when he’s using corruption?”

He is using it.

“What?!” Dazai needed to get a grip and get out of this stupid ability. Chuuya is in great danger when he’s currently using corruption because the detective isn’t going to be there to stop him in time. A dark chuckle sounded in the black void. The red sparks fly carefree around Dazai’s figure.

It’s more accurate to say he was using the power of your God.

“So this is just a memory? That doesn’t make any sense.” What was happening? Why could the god talk to him?

I am the God of destruction and chaos. I don’t have to make sense. Now leave my vessel.

“If I could I would, trust me,” the bandaged boy mumbled.

I do not trust the person who betrayed my vessel.

“I didn’t betray him, I betrayed the mafia. There’s a difference,” Dazai stated and the sparks grew into flames, caging in on him.

Not for my vessel, so neither for me.

“This is ridiculous, I-”

It is. I would’ve never expected to see a devoted worshipper turning against us.

“Devoted worshipper?” He asked, even though he didn’t want to hear the answer.

Don’t try to fool me, mortal. You made sure he rested after using my power, you even started to gossip as soon as he woke up, knowing that he’d enjoy it when I talk about other gods.

“That’s just a mere coincidence,” he tried to deny.

Are your feelings for my vessel a mere coincidence, too, then?

“How do you—”

I may be the God of destruction but I’m not blind to love, mortal.

That’s just great. The stupid god living inside Chuuya figured him out.

Leave now, you don’t deserve to see my vessel’s memories.

“I already told you I would leave if I could. You’re the god here, just make the ability disappear.” Dazai had enough of that stupid ability anyway. The god could just end it here.

I am constantly trying.

“Constantly try—” Dazai’s eyes widened with the sudden realization of why the ability was so weird. “You’re the reason why the memories make so huge jumps and I see this annoying whiteness!”

And I will continue to be that reason.

“Why?” The detective wanted to know, starting to feel annoyed by the god. The flames around him burned brighter and higher than ever before.

HOW DARE YOU ASK THAT QUESTION, MORTAL?

The voice of the god suddenly got louder and Dazai covered his ears but it didn’t help at all. It was in his head.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HEAR WHAT HE THINKS. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED NEAR HIM. I WON’T LET YOU WEAKEN HIM AGAIN.

The god roared with all his might. His voice consumed all of Dazai’s thoughts, making the voice echo in his brain.

I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER. I WILL BRING YOU PAIN.

It was so loud. Way too loud. Make it stop. The voice kept lingering in his mind, swirling around, Dazai couldn’t think. He couldn’t fucking think. He closed his eyes, slowly sinking to the ground to hug his knees. Make it stop.

He didn’t even realize that the black darkness disappeared and he was once again left in the abyss as the voice still echoed in his head.

He was still standing on the industrial gas tank next to Dazai, who stared at his younger self using corruption.

»Oh, grantors of dark disgrace,« Dazai mumbled, his voice small but filled with awe. »Dark disgrace, huh?« He looks like an angel flying like that. Dazai was crushing so hard on him, otherwise, he would never describe Chuuya’s state as something holy. Chuuya began to fight with Verlaine’s beast form. »Wow,« Dazai whispered into the wind, clearly amazed by what he saw. »So this is Arahabaki…«

Verlaine’s beast and Chuuya’s corrupted form were both creating gravity spheres in their hands, ready to throw them at each other. I hope he does spin them, Dazai thought right as both opponents let go of their spheres.

»Did it cancel out…?«

They hit each other and after an energy bust, the gravitational spheres disappeared without a trace.

»Hahaha… He did it.« The brunette’s smile was shaky. He was afraid his plan wouldn’t work, hm? Normally when two black holes collided, they just created a bigger one. But Chuuya spun his sphere so the energy of it was changed, resolving the spheres to disappear. »My predictions were correct. What he saw in Verlaine’s dream turned out to be true.«

It was a battle to the death between both singularities. They faced each other with loud screams and the forces kept crashing against each other, resulting in wounds all over their bodies.

»…Chuuya’s wounds are deeper.« Dazai muttered, gripping the rail in front of him so hard that his knuckles turned white.

“It’s going to be alright, mackerel,” the real Chuuya didn’t even know why he spoke up. The younger one couldn’t hear him. Guivre was opening its mouth and created twenty spheres in front of it. They started to grow bigger and bigger. One sphere was larger than all of Chuuyas’s spheres combined.

»This is bad,« Dazai muttered, and as he said that the holes started to radiate. That certainly was enough power to destroy the universe. The lined-up black holes changed their position: One half was positioned in the sky, the other near the ground and Chuuya was in the middle of the half-moon-like line of black holes. He couldn’t dodge this attack and Chuuya seemed to know it too. His corrupted form created a shield out of spheres, but then cannonballs started to hit him. Guivre was shooting at him without a break. Chuuya endured it and endured it some more. But the attacks were getting through. It was only a matter of time before he couldn’t defend himself against them anymore. He can’t do this much longer. Dazai lifted his walkie-talkie to his mouth.

»Squad 2, fire!« Dazai commands through the line. »Don’t worry about firing at the same time! No matter what, whoever has the capability to fire, should!«

A huge number of mafiosi started to fire at Guivre with portable rocket launchers. The rockets were fired off from the street, the woods, the city roofs, basically from every possible direction. The launchers were the strongest weapon a single mafioso could use on his own. They had enough power to destroy tanks and aircraft. As the smoke of the attacks cleared, Guivre didn’t even have a single scratch from the enormous attack.

»Don’t worry, this is fine!« Dazai immediately reassured the other members. »Just keep its attention focused on the ground!« And away from Chuuya! was the thought that followed that sentence. Now Guivre started a counterattack. The spheres killed the mafioso before they could scream. Leaving no trace of them, but the surviving members just continued to fire their weapons without any remorse. They were in the mafia. This was their life, to die for the sake of their organization was an honor. The beast had no personality, it was just a massive accumulation of hatred. It attacked hostility against itself. It couldn’t prioritize which opponents it should attack first. So Chuuya had a moment to collect himself, being able to move freely again without being the target of Guivre. Blood was leaking from almost every part of his body. He soon would reach his limit. It was strange for Chuuya to watch himself being this destructive and powerful. Whenever he used corruption he lent to god his body and was reduced to a mere spectator of his own body. Most of the time he wasn’t even conscious. He just remembered a few fever-like moments where everything moved way too trippy. They fought against each other and then Arahabaki roared, creating a black hole in each hand, they spun and soon grew into a large halo. The air around him was vibrating, creating storms because of the energy boost radiating from the halo. Chuuya remembered feeling an all-consuming sadness at this moment and now that he looked at himself from an outsider’s perspective, he could see how lonely he looked in the sky. He could hear Arahabaki’s scream and it sounded like a big sob, as if the god of destruction was just the manifestation of all the sadness in the world. Chuuya vaguely remembered having a conversation with Verlaine about loneliness and hatred. Something grew out of Chuuya’s back. It looked so weird, like antennas out of black matter. What was that? Was it Arahabaki’s tail? Could be. It looked weird.

“First a halo and now wings,” Dazai mumbled. Like a true angel. Hah. Well, technically the corrupted Chuuya kinda looked like an angel, yes, but Dazai was way too excited about this.

»OoooooooaaaaAAAAAUUUGGGH!!!« His corrupted form suddenly screamed. He lifted his hands and the holes continued to grow, causing the halo to shine as bright as a supernova. It sliced Guivre’s body in half. The halo lit up the dark night sky in all of Yokohama, burning itself into the memories of everyone alive to witness it.

»So this is Arahabaki’s… Chuuya’s true form?« Dazai voiced, shielding his eyes from the brightness, while still trying to watch everything happen. He watched Chuuya’s form. Chibi looks like a real god, an angry one. And Chuuya watched his younger self and came to the same conclusion Dazai made: He did look like a furious god.

Guivre was slowly crumbling under the halo, not shooting anything anymore, because it had been defeated. Not a sound was heard from the beast as if it found peace in its demise. It was gone without a trace and the halo over Chuuya’s form was collapsing slowly. His body was slowly being lowered by the black wings. He was high up in the air and then Dazai started to move. Real Chuuya almost struggled to keep up with him. The brunette sprinted to the end of the gas tank, rushed down the ladder, and ran towards the slowly falling Chuuya. Right in time Dazai caught his body. His ability immediately nullified the red marks corruption caused as soon as they touched. He lowered him carefully to the ground, letting Chuuya’s head rest on his lap.

»Good work, Chuuya,« Dazai praised as he looked down at the unconscious Chuuya. He started to gently comb through his hair with his fingers, loosening the knots the fight and the blood created. »You’re lucky I forgot to bring my fountain pen or else you’d have doodles all over your face,« he laughed after a moment, but it didn’t sound like a threat. God no, the real Chuuya couldn’t believe how soft the voice of the other was as the brunet continued to loosen all the little knots in his hair with such care that the thought of the same soft hands drawing doodles on him seemed so surreal. He used one of his hands to pull out his walkie-talkie as the other continued, brushing through Chuuya’s hair. “We need medical service for Chuuya,” he spoke into the communication tool.

It didn’t take long. Ane-san and Hirotsu were the first people to show up. The elegant woman didn’t think about her beautiful kimono as she soon kneeled next to Chuuya, brushing a stray hair strain out of his face. It was such a gentle touch that the real Chuuya was choked up all of the sudden. To see Dazai and then Ane-san treat him with such a loving touch was just too much. He really hated that he didn’t feel their touches back then.

“I’ll bring him to the infirmary,” Ane-san voiced after a while. Dazai nodded and bit his lip.

“May I accompany you?” It was so strange to hear Dazai be so formal towards the older woman and even the red-haired lady was taken aback for a short moment.

“You may,” is all she said with a barely noticeable smile in her voice. She started to move Chuuya’s body, so it wouldn’t touch Dazai’s anymore. As soon as she accomplished that, her golden demon materialized, carefully cradling his younger self. Dazai was back on his feet again, already following Ane-san as Hirotsu clears his throat.

“Boss wants you to report now, Dazai-dono,” his voice was apologetic as he pointed back to the helicopter already waiting for them.

“Now? He surely can wait for a few—”

“I’m afraid not,” Hirotsu interrupted, “it is an urgent matter.”

“But I,” his gaze locked itself on the wounded Chuuya that was carried by Ane-san’s demon, “wanted to—” stay with Chuuya, the brunet thought but stopped talking. Why is Mori doing this? Reporting isn’t that important, Chuuya is and— A gentle hand was placed on Dazai’s shoulder, making him look at the person to whom it belonged. Ane-san smiled at him.

“Go, I will make sure to inform you where he rests,” she said. An amused smile crossed her face as she chuckled lightly. “Try to let your emotions stay at bay, dear. You look outraged. Don’t let him know that or he’s going to use it against you,” she whispered and she was right. Dazai looked furious over the fact he had to leave now. But it only took the blink of an eye to put on an indifferent-looking mask on his face. He sighed, nodding at the older woman and turning towards Hirotsu, who gently placed his hand on his back, guiding him into the helicopter.

Real Chuuya was following Dazai through the floor with the artful glass design that led to Boss’s office. The brunet pushed the handle down, took one deep breath, and opened the door. Hirotsu closed it behind the brunet so it was only the leader of the Port Mafia, his ability, and the demon prodigy.

“Told you you would desperately fight that monster,” the boss greeted. He was sitting behind his desk as usual, arms on the surface of the table so he could let his chin rest on top of his folded hands. His eyes were closed and a smug smile was on his lips.

“Is that the urgent matter you wanted to discuss? That you were right?” Dazai’s tone was friendly, a smile on his face. For anyone outside of this room, it might have seemed sincere, but Chuuya saw it as what it was: Suppressed anger. Mori laughed.

“Oh my, Dazai, I’m sure you know exactly why I called you here,” he opened his eyes and balanced his face on one hand so the other could reach into a drawer. “Or should I help refresh your memory?” A few documents and old notebooks were harshly thrown on the table. “Care to explain why a few are missing?” The room temperature dropped. So Dazai stole Rimbaud’s notebooks, huh?

“It was information I needed to defeat Guvire,” Dazai answered with a steady voice, as if his mind wasn’t racing with panicky thoughts.

“Oh? So you had known about Guivre for a year now?” What? A year? Dazai had the notebooks for a year?

“It was a precautionary measure, which did pay off in the end,” the brunet explained, seemingly calm.

“Precautionary, you say…” Mori repeated while watching Elise draw something on the floor. “It’s interesting. You weren’t invested in the Port Mafia, then the Sheep king shows up and you’re suddenly set on becoming an executive and taking ‘precautions’. Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?”

“It certainly does!” Elise chirped in as she stole a pen from Mori’s desk to use in her drawing.

“I only took precautions. We didn’t know anything about the Sheep boy so I just tried to find a way to defeat him if he changed his mind and wanted to kill you, Mori-san,” the bandaged brunet said. “I only had your best interest in mind and I would apologize if it didn’t save your life today.”

“It did, it did,” the older male hummed. “But don’t think it won’t have consequences. Especially if you keep on lying about your real motive.”

“Consequences for saving your life? That seems oddly inappropriate, don’t you think, Boss?” Dazai laughed a little, but god, his inside was so shaky right now. His thoughts were swirling all around so fast that Chuuya couldn’t grasp one. All he could make out was the essence that Dazai was so screwed.

“If that had been your only intention we wouldn’t have this conversation, Dazai-kun,” Mori stood up from his chair and moved towards the huge window. His hands were folded behind his back. “Look at the aftermath of the fight,” he said, which was a signal for Dazai to also step to the window. On the way there he caught a small glimpse of Elise’s drawing. All he saw was a red fire. As he reached the window Mori moved behind him, caging the bandage waster against the glass. The city was in debris. Holes were in the ground, and the still-standing buildings were leaning in a certain direction, like flowers facing the sunlight. It was odd to see the ruins the fight left behind. “Chuuya is strong, isn’t he?” Mori suddenly said and Dazai answered with a small nod. “You agree? That’s nice,” Mori stated and let his hands rest on each of Dazai’s shoulders. “So you’ll probably agree that he doesn’t need your help about figuring his past out, no?” The hands-on Dazai’s shoulders gripped him a little harder. “Your only job is to become an executive and be useful to me.” The grip seemed to get tighter with every word and Chuuya was so infuriated by watching this scene play out. “If you do that for me,” Mori started, leaning his upper body down, inevitably applying more and more pressure, as he started to speak directly into the younger ear. “I can dig up a bit about Chuuya’s past.” After saying that he backed off again, letting the motionless Dazai stand in front of the window as he sat down on his big mahogany chair again.

“So you know if he’s human or not?” Was Dazai’s first question. He couldn’t really see Mori’s smile since his back was still facing the office, but he could certainly hear it in his voice.

“I may know a thing or two about the topic. It’s important to take precautionary measures,” he mocked the younger one and Dazai just let it slide, gaze still focused on the destruction outside.

“And you will tell him what you know?”

“If you try hard to become an executive, sure,” the boss responded and Dazai turned around to meet his eyes. “Of course, I can only tell him if he becomes an executive too. It’s sensible information not suited for lower ranks.”

“What? Then I would—” he bit his tongue, remembering what Ane-san said, but it was already too late now. He knows I care, fuck, fuck, fuck! Yup, that the brunet cared seemed obvious now and Chuuya wondered if the boss even knew about Dazai’s crush. It wouldn’t surprise him if the older male did.

“Mhm, right, that’s unfair, isn’t it? I will help him if he becomes an executive before you do. But you would have to pay the price for my courteousness. I think you helping me test out a few new medicines would be a good consolation prize, hm?” He had a dark expression on his face and Dazai was screaming on the inside. His hands twitched and his eyelashes fluttered barely noticeably.

“Then I have to make sure it won’t happen,” the bandage waster said after a short silence.

“Good that we are on the same page here,” the boss said with a sickeningly sweet smile. “Start to report now.” And Dazai did. He told him what happened, but he left out a few details. The hat and its importance weren’t mentioned nor did he quote Chuuya’s activation phrase. He roughly described the plan and he didn’t mention Shirase once. “Okay. You can go now,” the boss let him know as the younger one finished his report. Dazai immediately moved towards the door and as he reached it Mori spoke up again: “Oh and Dazai?” He turned his head around to face the older man again. “Don’t ever steal executive documents again or I will burn all of Rimbaud’s notebooks.” Dazai’s eyes widened as did Chuuya’s. The brunet looked at the boss as Elise showed off her drawing: Dazai and Chuuya were on it. The latter angrily screamed at the first and in the background was a huge fire with books burning in it. A broken heart about Dazai’s head.

“I understand,” the brunet replied to the threat with a nod before he opened the door and left the office. Fuck. They know, was all that was on his mind right now and Chuuya wanted to scream. He always thought Mori was so nice for finally letting him know his origin as he became an executive, but it seemed that he was just used as a very valuable bargain chip.

Chapter Text

The room was quiet apart from the sounds of Dazai pushing buttons on his gaming console. He was playing Zelda Breath of the Wild and currently sneaking around in the Yiga hideout. Watching the mackerel play was fun because he didn’t curse, especially not if he was playing alone. No, he was quietly talking to himself about the things that happened in the game and his face went through every possible expression it owned. He looked angry, pleased, sad, annoyed, and so on. It was as if he were checking if all of his expressions still worked. Chuuya could watch the other play video games forever. And his younger self would too if he wasn’t still asleep from using corruption. Dazai was currently in Chuuya’s infirmary room, sitting on the chair that faced the sleeping Chuuya. Well, ‘sitting’ wasn’t quite fitting, because Dazai was more laying on it. His legs were thrown over one armrest and his back leaned against the other armrest. Wasn’t that also a thing? Like isn’t there a meme about bisexual people being unable to sit on a chair the way it was intended to? Because Dazai definitely checked that box. The younger boy sighed and leaned his head back while he stretched his arms out in front of his face as he continued playing upside-down. Sadly, he was good at avoiding the Yiga members because he constantly wore that pleased and smug expression. He wished the sly bastard would be noticed by his in-game enemies, but it seemed rather unlikely. A ringing interrupted his game. He swiftly took the phone out of his pocket. His eyebrows skeptically knitted together as he looked at the number on the screen.

“Yeah?” Dazai put his phone between his ear and shoulder and continued playing. “Aha,” he replied very disinterestedly. But then his expression changed, and the game is suddenly forgotten as Dazai straightens his posture, sitting in the chair now. “You found it?” The answer on the other end of the call must have been affirmative because Dazai was getting up from the chair. “Great! So where are you?” He saved and closed his game as he placed the console on the nightstand. “You’re on the ground level? Stay where you are, I’m on my way,” he ended the call, as he already reached the door to exit the room. Real Chuuya followed him to the elevator. Dazai was walking fast as he moved past other mafiosos. His eyes scanned any person, clearly looking for someone.

“Dazai-kun,” a timid voice called and the younger boy’s attention immediately snapped to the person. It wasn’t anyone Chuuya recognized so it was a low-ranked member from a squad he didn’t interfere with. What did Dazai want from him?

“Hello,” the brunet greeted him with a smile and a small nod. “Where did you find it?” He asked as the mafioso handed him a paper bag.

“On a mostly destroyed rooftop. It’s in good condition, not a scratch,” the lower-rank member reported and Dazai nodded looking into the paper bag.

“Okay,” he reached into his pocket, pulled out an absurd amount of money, and handed it to the mafioso. “That should cover your troubles.”

“Thank you!” He shouted and then seemed to realize that he was currently speaking to the demon prodigy because he corrected his exclamation: “Eh, I mean it wasn’t any trouble at all,” Dazai didn’t listen anyway, he was already turning to get back to Chuuya’s room, humming some tune as he stepped into the elevator. He opened the door and was surprised that Chuuya was awake and not alone.

“Ugh, I feel way too shitty to deal with a shitty bastard like you, Dazai,” his younger self ‘greeted’ and the guest just hid a smile behind her Kimono sleeve.

“If you can curse already, you can’t be feeling that bad, Chibi,” Dazai responds with a grin. “Ane-san,” he acknowledged her presence with a nod.

“The nurse was already here. Chuuya is going to need a few days to rest,” Ane-san explained, while young Chuuya rolled his eyes. He was hating the fact that he had to spend even more days in this stupid room without anything to do. “Mori-dono was also here. He was looking for you.”

“What does he want now,” the bandaged boy immediately complained, while he carefully placed the paper bag on Chuuya’s bed. Oh, it was his hat. Dazai just brought him his hat. So he organized a squad to look for the hat in the destruction Corruption had left behind. “I guess you have to survive without my wonderful presence for a bit longer, Chuuya,” he said in a pitiful tone with joyful brightness in his visible eye. Chuuya’s younger version made a gagging sound.

“Leave me alone already!”

“Where would be the fun in that?” Dazai laughed as he left the room again. “Be a good dog and wait patiently!” He closed the door before young Chuuya could curse him out. The joyful spark in his eye was gone as he frowned. Why is he looking for me? He asked himself as he moved toward Mori’s office.

He knocked on the wooden door and entered the room. The boss was sitting in his chair as usual, hands folded as they rested on the big desk in front of him.

“You were looking for me?” Dazai asked, stepping closer so he was in front of the wooden desk.

“Yes, I wanted to hand you the information on your next target,” he said as he retrieved a thin folder out of a drawer and handed it to Dazai. The younger one immediately opened it to scan over it. Real Chuuya looked over his shoulders to see if he knew anything about it. It was a mission that wasn’t designed for one person, but it was strange because Chuuya couldn’t remember the target.

“Well, Chuuya and I will handle this in a few—”

“Tomorrow.”

“What?” Dazai looked up from the papers he scanned over, a confused look on his face. “Chuuya needs to rest.”

“And I need the target dead tomorrow, not a day later,” Mori said resting his head on his folded hands. “You could handle this on your own if you think that Chuuya isn’t able to accompany you tomorrow.” A sickly-sweet smile on Mori’s face and real Chuuya was so angry. The mission is designed for two people and it’s such a cheap trick to get Dazai to do it. It was even more than that: If Dazai did and succeeded in missions alone it would heighten his chance of becoming an executive. Shit, Chuuya even accused him of doing exactly that. Fuck, he was an idiot.

“The target will be dead,” the demon prodigy said and was already turning to leave but Mori stopped him with a look. The former underground doctor reached into a different drawer to pull out a bunch of documents sorted into folders.

“Chuuya will probably be bored if you won’t let him be on the mission so let him do some paperwork,” he holds the folder in front of Dazai, waiting for the boy to take it. Chibi shouldn’t do anything besides recover!

“That’s something he can do,” was Dazai’s comment as he grabbed the folder with a smile. That was kinda weird. Chuuya didn’t remember doing any paperwork at that time. “Is that all?”

“Yes, you can leave.”

When Dazai opened the door to Chuuya’s room, his younger self was fast asleep again. Ane-san was still sitting on the chair, but now she was getting up.

“What did he want?” She asked even though she seemed to guess what the conversation might have been about.

“A mission for me, nothing out of the ordinary,” Dazai played it down, but the older woman didn’t believe him as she arched one eyebrow, silently questioning the statement. It was definitely out of the ordinary that either of them got a mission alone. That only became more common when they were older.

“For you? Alone?” She wanted him to clarify after the teen ignored her silent question and Dazai sighed.

“It is, yes.” The elegant woman was quiet for a few seconds, then she gently placed her hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll watch over him,” she reassured with a smile. Thank you.

“Do what you want to do.” God, Dazai was really insecure if he even had to hide his gratitude. Although he was probably scared that anyone else would figure him out as Mori did, wasn’t he? It was bad to have feelings in the mafia, feelings were used against you. Mori certainly did exploit Dazai’s feelings for Chuuya so who could blame the younger boy for at least trying to keep it a secret? No one. Chuuya would beat up anyone who did. Ane-san chuckled as she left the room. Dazai was stressed and angry at Mori, but as soon as his brown eyes took in the side of his younger self’s sleeping form, a sincere smile formed on his lips. God, Chuuya loved that smile. It was so gentle and sweet and he still remembers every time he had seen the other smile like that. You’re doing it for him. He deserves to rest, he fought a god! You can handle a little mission. Chuuya knew that the mission wasn’t ‘little’, he just read what the younger one had to face. It was way too much for one person, even if said person was a fucking genius. He was incredibly worried, which was ridiculous because Dazai would end up surviving the mission. He knew he would and still, the feeling was there. Dazai moved to the nightstand. He put the folder there, took the console to switch it on, and then created a new profile. Right. Chuuya remembered playing on Dazai’s switch while the other did paperwork. After he created the profile, he placed the console on the bed. While he sat on the floor, he cleaned the nightstand to use it as a small table. The young boy scanned the documents and sighed. He pulled out his cell phone. “Yeah, sorry to call you after you just left, but could you do me a favor?” Ane-san did probably immediately ask what he was up to. “Nothing, I just need a filled report done by Chuuya, but Mori can’t know I asked for it,” the voice on the other end of the call got almost loud enough for real Chuuya to hear it. “I know, I know it’s a lot to ask and I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t for Chuuya’s sake,” Dazai admitted. There was a long pause, Ane-san most likely held a whole speech about his request being wrong, just to end up agreeing. Dazai’s face lit up. “Great, see you!”

“Why do you even need it?” Was the first thing the elegant woman asked as she handed the mackerel the document he asked for.

“Mori wants Chuuya to do paperwork and I think he deserves to rest after he legitimately fought a singularity akin to a god,” he explained while reading over Chuuya’s report. “And since I made Chibi do a lot of my paperwork over the last year, I think it’s my turn now.” Ane-san looked at him skeptically and Dazai seemed to realize her stare because he answered the silent question. “I just need the report to figure out his style.”

“You have to worry about your style too,” she said with a sigh and the younger boy looked up from reading the document to muster her confusion. “Here,” she handed him another folder, a big one. “Mori told me he wants you to finish this report because you’ve been slacking lately.” He knows what I’m up to, great. Chuuya wished his younger self had known it too. He was going to be an enormous asshole about the reports and the mission. Dazai reluctantly accepted the papers handed to him.

“I will just do both, no problem. Chuuya did my work every time whilst doing his stuff,” he claimed as he skipped through the ridiculous amount of documents.

“I’d never thought I have to say this to you, but don’t overwork yourself,” the older woman said with a slightly concerned look on her face.

“Chuuya fought a god. I just watched it happen,” the bandaged teen stated, which wasn’t true at all. Chuuya saw what Dazai did during the fight. He occupied Guivre with mafiosi so Chuuya could prepare his next attack. It certainly would've ended differently if it wasn’t for that break in the attack scheme. “So, he is the one who gets to do nothing for once.”

“Just don’t overdo it,” she warned as she left the room. Dazai was definitely going to overdo it. Chuuya knows it and shamefully knows how he will react to all of this. Fuck. The moment Ane-san left, Dazai pulled empty papers and a pen out of nowhere. He wrote every character of the alphabet neatly with space between and underneath on the paper. He then looked at Chuuya’s report and traced Chuuya’s handwriting underneath the according character of the alphabet. He was creating a guide. Holy shit. Is he going to forge his handwriting? Is that what he meant with ‘style’? The younger one started practicing Chuuya’s style on an empty sheet. He did that a few times, at first, he had to look at the guide he created, but after a while, he didn’t need it. Every character was repetitively written in a line written over and over and then he started to form words. Real Chuuya was shocked at how authentic the forged writing looked. And it only took the other maybe three hours to perfect it. God, the younger boy was far too intelligent. Now Dazai started to work on Chuuya’s documents. As he had a quarter done, he made a break. Even though you couldn’t call it that since he started working on his own documents. Sometimes he looked to Chuuya to check if he was still asleep and as he looked up this time, he seemed to see his foretells of waking up, then he immediately hid the paperwork that belonged to Chuuya in the drawer of the nightstand and continued to work on his paperwork.

“Am I hallucinating? Are you actually doing paperwork?” Was the first thing his younger version asked the bandaged boy.

“Only because I couldn’t annoy Chuuya while he was sleeping like a little puppy,” Dazai countered with a grin and had to doge a hardly thrown pillow.

“I’m not a dog!” The older one screamed angrily and then after a few seconds he quietly mumbled: “And if I would be, I wouldn’t be a puppy. I’d be something really cool.”

“Oh? But you’re far too small to be something cool, you’d be a tiny Chihuahua!” The bandage waster faked a gasp: “A Chuhuahua! It’s right in your name!”

“Stop pretending to come up with that stupid joke every single time, it’s getting so old,” Chuuya complained and Dazai just snickered.

“I think it gets funnier every single time,” the brunet said with a grin and Chuuya’s younger version rolled his eyes.

“Whatever,” he dismissed, then fixed his eyes on Dazai again. “So, when’s the next mission? I’m bored outta my mind already.” The demon prodigy looked at him, taking in every small shiver, every faux pas in his body language like the way he shifts his bodyweight to his left side because he had a huge bruise on his right side. He’s such a terrible liar. Dazai sees through him in the blink of an eye: It was a lie. God, he was so desperate to rest at that moment, but he didn’t want to show it. Especially not in front of Dazai, which he ended up doing anyway because Dazai had stupid hawk eyes.

“There’s none,” the brunet responded. “You shouldn’t be so eager, you fought a god, Chuuya. Rest.”

“I don’t need to rest! I’m perfe—” he interrupted himself with a pained hiss. His younger version had decided it would be best to show that he was ‘perfectly fine’ by raising fast into a sitting position. It hurt like hell. His left arm reached for the bruise as his body hunched in on itself. Dazai sighed as he stood up and picked up the pillow while he walked to the bed. He placed it behind Chuuya’s sitting form and then carefully laid a hand on his chest to press him gently into a lying position again. Young Chuuya just let it happen, still in pain from his sudden movement and feeling relieved by having his head sink into the fluffy pillow again. “I don’t really— I could—”

“I know. But just because you could, doesn’t mean you should,” the younger one said in the same tone of voice Mori had when lecturing him about his suicide attempts. His hand was still on Chuuya’s chest, thus making him stand really close to the bed and the redhead. He remembered thinking that Dazai’s hand was pleasantly warm and soothing. But the demon prodigy seemed to remember his reputation, because he immediately brought distance between them again, the hand leaving Chuuya’s body. “Just enjoy your day off, Chuuya,” he remarked while grabbing the switch to hand it to the other.

“You let me play with your switch?” Them playing competitive games on said console was nothing new, but this was the first time Dazai let him use the switch without participating in the activity himself. The bandaged teen was slowly moving to his makeshift table to pick up where he left writing his reports. The only answer his younger self got was a slight shrug of delicate shoulders. “That’s oddly nice of— You asshole!” Ah, right. When Dazai created the new profile for the redhead, he used a dog from Animal Crossing as a profile picture while naming it ‘My Dog’, which explains the sudden mood swing of his younger version. The brunet just snickered. Obviously, the first thing young Chuuya did was to change the picture and the name for himself into something cool and something insulting for Dazai. This was the start of their ‘username war’ on the switch. It was almost a year till they stopped their little name-calling game to settle for slug and mackerel without ever changing it again. Chuuya wondered if Dazai still had the switch and if the names were still the same. Did he even have a profile on it anymore?

They spent the rest of the day like this: Chuuya playing Breath of the Wild and Dazai doing paperwork. Sometimes they bickered, mostly when Dazai somehow knew that Chuuya just died in the game and decided to mock him with it. His younger version fell asleep every now and then, the switch loosely in his hands slowly slipping out of his grip. Dazai would carefully remove the switch from his hands, save the game and recharge the console. He then used the time the older one was asleep to work on forging his reports. It was a peaceful atmosphere.

Real Dazai watched as Chuuya played a match of Smash Bros against Hirotsu. They both concentrated on the small screen as they pushed the buttons on the controllers to get their characters to move and beat the shit out of each other’s characters. The gray-haired mafioso was also panickedly moving his controller in all sorts of directions as if that could help him play better, whereas Chuuya just pushed the buttons with ease. The redhead won, otherwise, he would’ve never let him live it down. Dazai’s younger self was currently doing the mission so Ane-san and Hirotsu told him that they’d check on Chuuya.

“And Dazai is even better than you at this?” Hirotsu asked as he watched his character sadly applaud for Chuuya’s. The small mafioso grinded his teeth a bit.

“He’s just utterly annoying with stupid Princess Peach, that’s all,” he said, clearly remembering any time his character lost to the blonde princess. Chuuya’s gaze falls on the clock. “Where’s the bag of bandages anyways? He said he’d be shortly gone, but it’s been a half day now.” Is Chibi missing him? “I have to beat him in this game already.”

“You’ve never won?” Hirotsu asked astounded and Chuuya suddenly got embarrassed.

“Just because the bastard cheats!” Was Chibi’s adorable excuse. He didn’t cheat, the other one was just pushing buttons without thinking about combinations beforehand. It’s not his fault Chuuya was stupid.

“You need to shower,” the elegant woman said whilst wrinkling her nose in disgust. Dazai looked like shit and he reeked of gunpowder and blood. What the hell was he doing on that mission?

“But I—”

“No buts." I will not let you enter this room without a shower,” Ane-san said with a severe look in her eyes. The brunet turned away, mumbling how this was ‘not fair’ as he left to clean himself up. Real Chuuya just watched the conversation play out as his younger self was peacefully sleeping again. A little memory skip later and the door opened again and a clean Dazai with damp hair walked into the room.

“There,” Dazai scoffed, slowly turning around to show off that he was clean. He even had fresh bandages. “Happy?”

“Mhm, good enough,” Ane-san commented as she walked towards the door. It amazed real Chuuya that she even had time to watch over him. He knew her schedule was packed. “We already ate, leftovers are on the nightstand. Don’t forget that you need to rest too,” she remarked as she walked out of the door, silently closing it behind her and Dazai’s mask slipped immediately. His shoulders slumped, his eyelids looked so heavy and his steps seemed so wobbly as he moved towards the chair. God. He lost a good amount of blood on that mission, didn’t he? And as if that wouldn’t be bad enough on its own, the brunet was sleep-deprived. The teen moved the leftovers from the nightstand and started to forge Chuuya’s documents once again. Idiot. He should fucking sleep, but the other pushed through his tiredness. Whenever real Chuuya thought he would just fall asleep head first on the table, the younger one looked at Chuuya’s sleeping form with a tired smile. I do this for him. was the only thought running through his head and he kept going. The stupid idiot was going to pass out any moment and still refused to lay down his pen. Real Chuuya looked over the documents and no one would think a sleep-deprived would’ve written this. It looked as neat as Chuuya’s writing could look. The executive sighed. He was going to be mean to the younger one and he wished he could talk some sense into his younger version before he let it all out on the bandaged boy. The brunet finished the rest of the documents at a frightening speed, probably because he wanted to sleep, but as he put away the last paper, he just tackled his own workload again. Working through the document and the second he finished it, the younger Chuuya woke up. It was morning already.

“You look like shit,” was the first thing his younger version said, sleep still in his voice, as he rubbed his left eye a bit while yawning.

“And you look like a well-rested dog,” the other replied, mask already on his face to hide how shitty he felt.

“Stop it with the dog shit already!” Was the immediate response to the slight teasing as the redhead jumped out of the bed, not fully recovered. His body still felt sore, and he was hyper-aware of every movement his muscles did. It wasn’t as bad as the other day, but it wasn’t pleasant. But it was manageable, he wouldn’t say ‘no’ to a relaxing day though. The ups of being the vessel for a god was definitely that he recovered way faster than a normal person would, but it still hurt.

“You said dog shit,” Dazai snickered and real Chuuya rolled his eyes with a slight grin while his younger version started to throw a tantrum, throwing pillows at Dazai. His throws were reinforced with Tainted, but since Dazai was his target, the pillow lost all its momentum as soon as it hit his face and the typical blue glow of the other’s ability appeared. One pillow missed his original target and sent Dazai’s documents flying through the air. Confused by the rustling sound the papers created, young Chuuya looked at the flying documents, curiously catching one to read over them.

“You did all of those?” He questioned, disbelievingly picking up other papers, eyebrows slightly pulled together as he realized the enormous amount of documents laying on the ground. Dazai is silently collecting the reports he filled out, clearly trying to avoid the question because I can’t just tell him why I did this. Contrary to his thoughts, he totally could’ve said it, but real Chuuya understood his fear. Hell, he had it himself, that’s why he always chickened out when he wanted to confess to the idiot. But he won’t do that again. As soon as he is out of this ability, he will have an actually healthy conversation with the former demon prodigy. He probably has to fucking hold Dazai down so he can’t slip away from the serious talk like the slimy mackerel he is, but they are going to talk about all these repressed and constipated emotions. “Don’t just ignore me, shithead,” his younger version said, clearly annoyed and also very confused about Dazai’s untypical behavior. He looked at him through squinted eyes, taking in his appearance, his brows immediately furrowed and then his eyes widened as he came to a realization: “You didn’t sleep.”

“I don’t know what—” that has to do with my paperwork, Dazai wanted to say, but he was interrupted by the door opening.

“Wonderful, you’re up again,” Mori greeted as he walked into the room, gently closing the door behind him. “Feeling ready for a new mission?” His younger version straightened his posture, even if it hurt like hell, not realizing that Dazai’s face darkened. “You don’t have to, you can still rest if you want to,” Mori said with a smile and young Chuuya relaxed his posture, a relieved expression on his face. “Dazai can just handle the next mission alone, right?” The older male asked the demon prodigy, who was glaring at the former underground doctor. Young Chuuya immediately protested, he didn’t even realize that this wasn’t about him. He was used as a bargaining chip and he fucking hated it. Shit, how didn’t his younger self notice the obvious attempt at manipulation? Mori only said what he said to make sure Chuuya would go on a new mission, but it only was a show of power to keep Dazai under control. It didn’t have anything to do with him at all and if Chuuya wasn’t as prideful and competitive as he is, maybe this stupid tactic wouldn’t have worked.

“I can handle a new mission!” The redhead exclaimed promptly, even if his body still screamed for a day spent doing nothing but playing Switch.

“Are you sure? You can rest for a few days longer. Dazai is so diligent at the moment he even wanted to finish all of his paperwork. I was so astounded,” Mori declared with surprise and now Chuuya could acknowledge how impressively genuine it sounded, even though it was all faked. His stupid younger version couldn’t and fell for it in an instant. He looked at Dazai in actual surprise.

“No,” he said, sounding confused, his eyes still fixed on Dazai as he slowly turned his head to face Mori. “I can handle a mission,” now his gaze focused on Mori, who smiled pleased at his statement.

“Good,” the older male handed him a folder, and his younger self opened and scanned it. While he did that Dazai’s glare pierced through Mori. The former underground doctor just smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It never did. Mori met the demon prodigy’s gaze with calculating coldness.

“Something on your mind, Dazai?” He asked innocently and Dazai narrowed his eyes. Chuuya’s younger version looked up at the question, back then he didn’t even notice how cold the room had gotten while both strategists stared each other down.

“No, nothing,” the younger boy replied, suppressing his anger. _Chuuya shouldn’t do a mission right now, he should just play Switch all day_. “I’m just not sure if Chuuya can keep up with my strategies at the moment.” Ah, his phrasing was shitty, but at least Chuuya now knew he had good intentions. That didn’t apply to his younger self though.

"Keep up with your shitty strategies? You have to keep up with me!" Younger Chuuya yelled, insulted, and pointed at the bandage wearer: "You look like shit, if anything, you should rest and I do this mission alone."

"Just destroy the evidence by the end of the day, that's all I care about," Mori pointed out with a sigh before the bickering could start; lying. His whole agenda seemed to be to make Chuuya suspicious about Dazai's motives. The former doctor turned to leave the room, but then faced Dazai again, a smile on his face. "I’m still surprised you asked me for paperwork. Seems like you suddenly want to become an executive and if you keep it up you will be sooner than later,” a mischievous look in his eyes as his smile gained a gloating touch to it. He knew exactly what those words would trigger inside of Chuuya. Fucking asshole, were the thoughts of Dazai and Chuuya nodded in agreement, because it certainly was an asshole thing to do. His younger version stared disbelievingly in Dazai’s direction, connecting the bits of information he gained from his short talk with Dazai, his appearance, and the things Mori just said, to come to the conclusion the mafia boss wanted him to reach. While Chuuya thought about it all, Mori left, silently closing the door.

“You asshole!“ His younger version cursed. “You never work hard but as soon as I can’t do shit you do? Are you fucking kidding me?” It’s funny how his younger version basically screamed the real reason in Dazai’s face. The younger boy wanted him to rest so he did what he had to do, even if he disliked it and his body craved sleep. “You better not fall asleep during the mission or I’ll leave you in whatever hell of a place your stupid body collapses at!”

“Are you done barking now?” Dazai asked, faking indifference because he didn’t know what to say and riling Chuuya up was easy. And it worked. His younger version glared at Dazai as he moved towards him, his hands balling into fists. He roughly pushed the folder into Dazai’s chest with way more force than he had to use, making the brunet stumble a little.

“I’m waiting in the car, bastard,” he grumbled while walking away. Maybe I should just tell him.

”Yeah, idiot, you should’ve told me. I’m going to be a huge asshole because you didn’t,” real Chuuya said with a sigh as the memory slowly blended into the next.

Chapter Text

They were sitting in the back of a black car with tinted windows. Chuuya changed into his work clothes, being really happy to have his gloves back on, while he focused his gaze on anything but Dazai. Real Chuuya was sitting between them, which he could only do because the bag of bandages was smart enough to give Chuuya some space after what happened in the infirmary room. That shitty idiot was drinking in his younger versions’ body language, every little muscle movement, every long intake of air. He’s still pissed. Yeah, no shit. The brunet should’ve come to that assumption way sooner without having to analyze his appearance because his younger version can feel his gaze.

“Don’t stare at me, asshole,” Chuuya said while looking at the scenery that flew past him through the window and Dazai just sighed. It’s going to be a long mission. Yup. It’s been over a year now and they didn’t have the codenames for their different tactics yet, so it certainly took longer than their later mission. “As soon as we finish this, you leave my sight.” Well, it’s honestly funny how his words and actions are always this ambivalent because he was going to bring the mackerel to his place after the mission. Not because he wanted to but because he couldn’t let him rot somewhere, despite his earlier words.

Real Dazai watched how Chuuya sneaked through the garden of the target, avoiding every camera. Chibi hated stealth missions with a burning passion. Not because he sucked at them, oh no, he was absurdly good at them, especially with his ability, it was honestly ridiculous. He just thought it was stupid to sneak around when he could just kill the reason he had to sneak in in the first place. Such a brute, but this behavior was probably a leftover from his days in the sheep. And he didn't let it ruin a mission, he just lived his motto of 'I just kill'em all' in video games. The idiotic Chibi fought all the Yiga in their secret layer instead of sneaking around in Breath of the Wild and he didn't die once. It was insane and so Chuuya that Dazai couldn't suppress his smile. He looked over to his younger self and sighed. The idiot was leaning against a tree and Chuuya definitely was right: He looked like shit. Every time he blinked his eyes stayed closed longer. He yawned almost every other second and he was slumped against the tree. Dazai watched his fight against sleep for two minutes and then he closed his eyes, his head resting against the bark as his breath evened out. Then his lower body started to slide down, making his head fall to his chest which immediately jerked him awake.

"Shouldn' lean 'gainst it," he mumbled while moving away from the tree. Another yawn escaped his mouth as he waited for Chuuya to come back. His head constantly got heavier, just like his eyelids. He fell asleep again, quickly being woken up by his sudden head movement as soon as his head hit his chest. His younger version was just miserable. He was awake for way too long and his body desperately craved sleep. Only his mind was fighting against it, but it was a losing game.

"What are you doing?!" An angry voice hissed through his sleep-clouded brain, succeeding in waking him up. Chuuya was standing in front of him a second later, annoyed. "You're supposed to be in the car already!"

"Huh?" His younger version was so useless right now. Chuuya scoffed and grabbed his arm with so much force real Dazai could almost feel the pain it caused. He couldn't quite remember this interaction very well because of his lack of sleep, but the pain he felt during that moment was saved in his memory.

"You're fucking useless," the redhead let him know as he dragged him to the meeting point. The black car was standing there, the motor running just as planned. His younger self was supposed to wait there until Chuuya got back, but his tired mind just didn't remember the instructions from his own plan. Pathetic. Chibi opened the car door and threw his younger version into the backseat. Real Dazai sighed, quickly moving to get into the car as well. It was interesting how he could interact with the objects of the memories: He could use doors and he could pour himself a glass of water, but he was incapable of drinking it. Which made sense since what he was seeing here wasn't real. At least it wasn't real anymore. He lazily seated himself on the passenger seat, face turned towards their younger selves. Chuuya was closing the door with a bit too much force. The sound echoed through the streets and the car was set in motion, scenery passing them. Bad scenery. The tiny slug didn't have a great memory, it seemed. Everything in the distance was just a blur of colors and the car itself was not perfectly replicated. It only had important instruments, such as the speed display, the gear lever, and the steering wheel. It was okay looking, a few seams seemed off but it was still recognizable that -if Dazai would care about stupid car brands- he'd be able to tell which shitty company the car belonged to, maybe he even name the exact model. "I did everything like you said. I hope the virus you put on the USB drive works, you weak piece of crap," Chuuya said to his sleep-deprived younger version, throwing said object at him. It bounced against his arm and as it landed on the seat cushion, he made a catching motion, gripping the air and Chuuya laughed, but it wasn't a nice one. "You're so pathetic right now," he made a small pause and then, with a grin, added: "Well, you always are." A few moments passed, and his younger version just stared at Chuuya. He was really out of it back then, huh?

"What?" His younger self asked, owlishly blinking at the tiny redhead and sounding so confused. This was really pathetic. His brain reached its limit, refusing to function any longer.

"Your oh-so genius mind is pretty useless at the moment. Shame, that's like your only redeeming quality," Chibi said mockingly, even reaching his hand out to tap against his forehead, but as soon as the redhead's finger touched it, his younger self leaned against it. His brain seemed to declare the sudden 'support' Chuuya gave him as a signal to sleep. "Wha-? I'm not you're headrest, asshole!" He pulled his hand away, but as he saw how Dazai just slumped in, his hand immediately supported him again, preventing his sleeping self from crashing head-first on the seat between them. "This is fucking ridiculous." The slug cursed and tried to move his hand again, but it seemed like he couldn't bring himself to do it. Chuuya sighed and put his other hand on Dazai's chest and then started to push him into a sitting position again. He carefully removed his hands, and let them hover over the sleeping body for a few seconds, ready to catch him again. But his position seemed to be stable enough so the future executive withdrew his hands completely. Chuuya looked at Dazai's sleeping form, brows pulled together in annoyance. He cursed silently and then gave the driver a new destination: His apartment.

The ride wasn't long. The head of his sleeping form lolled from side to side, occasionally meeting his chest causing his head to jerk back up for a second, before falling asleep again. The car soon parked in front of the mafia-owned building complex in which Chuuya had his flat. Real Dazai swiftly moved out of the car, right in time to see the redhead open the door on the side of his fast-asleep younger self. The future executive lightly slapped the younger one’s cheek, but it was to no avail. Chuuya cursed a little under his breath as he moved his hands under Dazais leg and his upper body to carry him to his apartment. It's ridiculous how strong Chuuya is even when he was younger because he carried Dazai's younger version around like he didn't weigh anything. Chibi made it look so effortless as he climbed the stairs. He only struggled with getting his keys out of his pockets, but he solved this problem by leaning against the wall, holding the sleeping body up with one leg as he opened the door, and rushing inside. He carefully laid the other down to take his shoes off in the genkan.

"Hah, maybe I should just let you sleep on the floor, maybe you'll stop the stupid dog jokes then," the tiny redhead said while he stood up, watching Dazai's sleeping form for a bit. He was laying on the floor with one hand on his stomach, the other next to his head while he slightly moved his head to his side. "Yeah, fucking sleep on the floor, you deserve it." Chuuya left Dazai’s sleeping form behind as he walked into his bathroom. Real Dazai just smiled. He knew the other would change his mind because he remembered waking up on the couch with Chuuya's blanket on top of him. Chuuya was taking his sweet time as he left the bathroom, now in comfortable clothes, ready to go to sleep and moving to his bedroom. He already pushed down the door handle, but then he hesitated. Seconds passed, maybe even a few minutes. "Ah, fuck," the future executive mumbled, defeated presumably by his own thoughts, before he turned around and walked to the front door where his sleeping partner was still laying on the ground. His younger self was curled up now, limbs as close to him as possible to help against the cold making his sleeping form slightly shiver. Chuuya's annoyed expression morphed into a mix of slight guilt and pity as he slowly crouched down next to his younger self. He carefully lifted him up and Dazai's shivering body immediately clung to the radiated heat of another human. His head nuzzled into Chuuya's chest and his arms found their way around his torso to keep the warmth as close as possible. Chuuya gently sat him down on the couch, patiently removing the hands that gripped the fabric of his shirt. As soon as Dazai's limbs were off the redhead, he pushed the other down into the cushion of the couch. The shivers caused his younger version to curl up again. Chuuya looked at his shivering partner for a few moments and then he moved towards the heater to turn the knob to the highest setting. After that, he moved to his bedroom and real Dazai followed him. The tiny redhead was standing in front of his cupboard, pulling out a blanket. A very thin blanket. He pulled two more out but they were equally thin. Chuuya looked at the three blankets before glancing towards his own thick and fluffy blanket. A sigh left his mouth as he dumped the three blankets on his bed and took the thick one into the living room. "Just because your immune system is shitty," he told the sleeping Dazai while he gently placed the blanket on top of him. His younger version immediately nuzzled into it and the detective could see a small and soft smile form on Chuuya's lips. “’Night, asshole."

Real Chuuya hated this. It was torture to see Dazai so at ease and relaxed because he knew his younger version would shatter it. He was sitting on the small table in front of the couch to look at Dazai's seemingly asleep form like a total creep. But who could blame him when Dazai was already awake and nuzzled his head into the blanket with a giddy smile on his face while thinking that the blanket smelled like Chuuya? No one. No one could. It was just so addicting to see Dazai act like this, pretending to be asleep so he could continue to snuggle the blanket while thinking of Chuuya. It was such an endearing sight, seeing Dazai act so in love, doing something so silly and clichéd. This adorable and so achingly normal teen behavior will be the executive’s death. And his stupid younger version was going to destroy it because he was so easily manipulated by Mori's words. Dazai was opening his eyes, deciding he had been 'weird enough' (real Chuuya begged to differ, not that it mattered), and sat up whilst stretching with a small yawn. His eyes scanned the room, immediately finding Chuuya standing in the kitchen with his back turned towards him. Then he looked at the heater. A smile found its way on Dazai's face as he realized that the other turned it up. So he isn't angry anymore. An angry person would've just left me to rot in the car. This conclusion probably said much about Dazai and his relationships because it was false. His younger self was still very angry at him and he was going to remind Dazai of it.

"What are you doing?" Dazai asked as he slowly got to his feet. His younger version didn't answer. Dazai furrowed his brows. Maybe he didn't hear me? "What are you doing?" He voiced his question again a bit louder this time as he moved towards the other. Still no response. How odd. "Chibi?" Nothing. His younger version didn't react at all, still doing whatever he was doing back then. "Chuuya?" That did get a reaction out of him.

“What?” He didn’t turn around to face Dazai. His body language was as tense as his voice while he waited for the coffee machine to pour the liquid into his mug. Ignoring Dazai was hard, but he discovered it was a bit easier when he didn’t face the bandaged teen.

“Are you deaf?” Dazai mocked, a bit confused why Chuuya didn’t react but he didn’t think much of it because he believed the other wasn’t angry anymore. “I asked you what you were doing,” he repeated again, and Chuuya didn’t respond. “Chuuya?” God. How could his younger self do this? Dazai sounded so unsure, so confused. He tried to hide it with an aloof attitude, but he could see right through it now and his stupid younger self was just giving him the cold shoulder. The bandaged teen was standing beside the redhead now.

“Nothing. Just waiting for my coffee and for you to leave,” his younger version said, while crossing his arms in front of his chest, eyes fixed on the small trail of coffee steadily filling his cup so he wouldn’t look at the younger one.

“You want me to leave?” Dazai was so confused and real Chuuya could hear why because his thoughts were running wild. He assumed that he was welcome to stay based on their other interaction where they were sleeping at each other’s places. They had only been at each other’s places overnight twice, but still, the demon prodigy thought they had a good time back then.

"Yeah, wanted you out of my sight since yesterday," Chuuya said, reaching for his mug and switching off the coffee machine.

"You're still angry?" Dazai concluded with doubt in his voice because he thought it couldn't be. If he's still angry, why did he let me sleep here? That doesn’t make any sense. Chuuya slammed his mug on the kitchen sideboard so hard it was a miracle that it didn't break. Though a good amount of coffee was now on the sideboard, forming a dark puddle. But his younger version didn't care as he turned around, fixing the other boy with a furious expression.

"Of course, I'm still angry, you piece of shit! You used the first opportunity you had to gain some extra points while I was fucking unconscious!" His younger version voiced the betrayal he felt. It was stupid back then and with what real Chuuya knew now it was even more stupid. Dazai didn’t sleep because he wanted Chuuya to rest. Which was so fucking unhealthy and he’s going to scream at the bastard for it but it also made him feel all warm and happy. Dazai cared. Dazai cared so much and had also a huge crush on him and Chuuya desperately hoped that the twenty-two-year-old detective still had those feelings for him. He would be devastated if he’s out of this ability just to hear the bandaged idiot say that those feelings died down when he left. Realistically, it had to be like that. Why else would he have left the way he did? Burning up his car without saying anything, just leaving everything they had and could’ve been behind.

“Extra points?” The demon prodigy repeated the words like he said them for the first time in his life, carefully pronouncing every syllable and Chuuya balls his hands into fists at that.

“Don’t even dare to play dumb, asshole!” He shouted. “You did all this shit to be an executive before I can be one!”

“Wha— No! I did it because-” you needed to rest. “-Because you-“ deserve to do nothing for once. “-Because I-“ care about you, more than you’ll ever know. “-Because…” Say it! It’s not that hard, just say the stupid words! What if he is even angrier when I say them? What if he hates me? God. Listening to Dazai’s thoughts made his heart clench. The younger boy was so insecure and all real Chuuya wanted was to hug it all out of him. But he couldn’t since he was stuck in the memories of the other, reduced to a mere viewer. It made him feel so useless.

“You didn’t even think of a fucking lie, hm? You think I’m stupid, don’t you?” Dazai didn’t think that at all, as his thoughts told the real Chuuya. So, the only person in this room who’d call his younger self a ‘stupid fucking idiot’ was himself.

“Chuuya, listen, I know Mori said I’d asked him to give me reports, but do you really think I would ask for more work?” The bandaged teen tried to reason but it was lost on his younger version.

“I also never thought that you’d work through a shit ton of paperwork instead of sleeping but here we fucking are!” His tone was harsh, although more than anything he sounded hurt as he clenched his fists. He was this fucking angry back then because it somehow damaged the trust between them. Dazai did work behind his back, while he was unconscious, and for what? Becoming an executive. Or at least that was what his younger version thought, for quite a long time until Ane-san talked with him. But she didn’t tell him the real reason as to why she thought Dazai’s motives were different from what he assumed. Chuuya started to suspect that she knew the reason from the start and just didn’t tell him because it wasn’t her place to say it. “Also, you were fucking useless in the mission we did yesterday! If you need to work up extra points, do it in your fucking free time instead of sacrificing your sleep.”

“Chuuya, I—“

“No, I don’t fucking care, leave already!” The older teen demanded and Dazai was shaking his head.

“I won’t until you believe me," Dazai said, crossing his arms. Chuuya’s younger version laughs at that, it sounds harsh and quite ugly.

"Adorable that you think you have a choice here. Leave. Last warning you get, blockhead," he advises with a dark tone. His eyes narrowed as he watched Dazai closely, not missing how the other pressed his arms a little closer, how his body language got tenser even if he tried to hide it.

"No, you need to listen to me. I—" He's interrupted by Chuuya roughly grabbing his arm in a way he is forced to uncross his arms to lessen the pain he's feeling as Chuuya drags him mercilessly to the apartment door. "You're hurting me," the bandage wearer brought out between clenched teeth trying to loosen the grip on his arm, but Chuuya’s grip was like iron.

"Good," his younger version spit out, putting more force into his hold like an absolute asshole. Dazai bit his lip to not let a pained whimper slip through as Chuuya ripped the door open and threw Dazai out with way too much unnecessary force, and the bandaged teen stumbled, fighting to keep his balance as his back hit the wall of the apartment corridor hard. “I’ll report to Mori alone. You were so useless during the mission it’s only fair,” is the last thing he heard from Chuuya as the door slammed shut. And the worst thing? Between all the thoughts Dazai had of Chuuya being mean and that it hurt so much and pain sucks and the general confusion, there’s this one little thought rising to the surface of it all: Chuuya’s eyes are so beautiful when he’s angry. For fuck’s sake, that definitely wasn’t what the younger teen should focus on right now!

Real Dazai was standing next to Chuuya in Mori’s office. He did report the mission alone just like he said he would, but despite everything, he didn’t tell Mori that Dazai fell asleep at the mission. Well, the reason behind that was probably because he knew that Mori would just give him sleeping pills again. Chuuya looked worried when he found him lying on the bank so numb from the pills he couldn’t even talk. Maybe the other didn’t want to experience that again, even though he still had to deal with other suicide-related things in the future- no, wait, it’s in the past. This is all in the past. Chuuya isn’t part of his daily life anymore and it’s his own fault. He left the other behind so he should get a grip on these stupid useless feelings already.

“Why isn’t he here?” Mori questioned the redhead skeptical. “He should be reporting if he was part of the mission.”

“He was. Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to erase the evidence,” Chuuya explains reluctantly. “He is just getting rid of our traces.” It wasn’t a lie per se because Dazai did have to do that but he didn’t think that Chibi would use it to cover up for him. It’s still so weird for him to see someone so clearly angry at him who isn’t throwing him in the lion’s den the first chance he gets.

“Mhm, is that so?”

“Yes, am I allowed to leave now?”

“Sure, but one thing: You can tell me if you did the mission alone. Dazai did one on his own when you were unconscious.” Mori looked at him with a seemingly gentle smile but it’s just to lure him into a false sense of security. Chuuya balled his hands inside his jacket into fists, trying to school his face into a neutral expression and failing to do so. “So, I’ll ask again: Did you do the mission alone?”

“No, Dazai and I did the mission together.” His voice didn’t quiver and his eyes dared the other to question it again. Mori just sighed, moving his hand in a way that allowed the other to leave and Chuuya did. The redhead closed the door behind him and quietly cursed under his breath.

One second he was walking beside Dazai in the corridor and the next the memory overlapped with another one, filling the hallway with plants and trees until they were walking through a forest. Dazai’s mind was so quiet and Chuuya didn’t like that at all. He thinks he knows this small path they are walking and he knows Dazai isn’t going to die here but still, he feels so nauseous that he might have triggered another attempt with his assholey behavior. Real Chuuya just hoped that he didn’t have to witness an attempt. He could barely handle them when he could stop the idiot but having to see that while being stuck in memories and not able to do anything makes him want to vomit.

“Long time no see,” Dazai suddenly broke the silence and the executive looked around, not seeing anyone at all until his gaze moved downwards, and oh, right: He knows this place. Dazai showed it to him after they defeated the ‘White Giraffe’. “I wanted to bring Chuuya along but he’s really angry right now and I don’t know what to do about it,” Dazai admits while he slumps down in front of a gravestone. It’s Albatross’s grave. Chuuya’s heart can’t handle this but he still sits down next to the teen, silently staring at the cold stone. They are buried close to the mountains but most importantly their graves were near the clearing in the woods where an old Mustang was the center of monthly parties. It was honestly sad that their parties died with them. “I just wanted to let him rest,” the boy next to him mumbled. “You’d know what to do, ‘Tross. You would probably do something really stupid but it would work and everything would be alright again.” Silence. Then Dazai laughed bitterly and hid his head in his hands because he thought: “Talking to graves, that’s a new low. I’m so pathetic. Chuuya is right.”

“No, I’m not. I’m just a stupid idiot,” the executive sighs even though the other couldn’t hear him. The bandaged teen moved his hands from his face and Chuuya could see the telltale glint in his eyes as he desperately tried not to let tears flow out of his eyes. It’s all my fault. “A fucking idiot,” he curses himself as he helplessly watches Dazai hug his knees.

Dazai was watching a memory of a mission. It was so boring because their younger versions were still fighting and he saw so many mission memories already between the white nothingness. Chuuya was still very angry at him, he had been for weeks now and nothing Dazai tried back then seemed to lighten the mood. As soon as the mission was over and they were done with the report, Chuuya left him without a word. They were not on good terms and the only good thing about their situation was that Dazai befriended Odasaku. Apart from that everything sucked, especially considering that they were in the middle of the Dragon Head Conflict.

Chapter Text

Chuuya was sitting in a bar called 'Lupin', silently watching the trio order their drinks. He hates that the government asshole is here, that he used to be a friend to Dazai. Chuuya lost count of how many times he watched the unusual friends in this place between missions and he was sure he hadn’t seen all of the younger teen’s memories that are connected to this place. He's only seeing this memory right now because Dazai is venting over him; again.

"He's so angry," the teenager whined. "I tried what you told me, Odasaku, but he doesn't listen to anything I say." Chuuya was so confused when Dazai mentioned his friend for the first time because he was pretty sure the dude’s name actually was Sakunosuke Oda. So, at first, he thought they were different people until Dazai introduced them to each other sometime along the line.

"So, he's still ignoring you, huh?" The government bastard pitched in. "Ask him how he does it. I'm sure he can publish a book 'How to ignore Osamu Dazai' and sell like a million copies of it." Chuuya hates how the asshole is right about it. That book would sell for millions at least, a few agency members would probably buy it in the blink of an eye.

"You are soooo mean, Ango," Dazai let his head fall onto the surface of the bar, while dramatically faking a sniff. "What did poor me ever do to you?"

"You made me taste your cooking. My stomach is still recovering from that," the government guy grumbled, his face suddenly all pale.

"Odasakuuuuu," Dazai sulkily cried the name of his friend while childishly pointing at the other: "Ango is mean."

"He pays for our drinks," Oda replied. And within a second Dazai was up again with a satisfied look on his face. "Also, I like your cooking, Dazai. Your curry is amazing." And now the bandaged teen was beaming with happiness. Absolutely adorable and Chuuya can’t help but like Oda even more than he already did. Anyone who watches over Dazai with good intentions is good in Chuuya’s book, even when this person is the reason why Dazai left him behind...

"You only say that because you have an iron stomach for everything that resembles curry," the government guy said with a so-done expression. “Let him cook you anything else and it’s a miracle if you don’t get food poisoning.”

“Is it really that bad?” Dazai asked, his quiet voice barely covering that the words actually hurt him. Oda shook his head with a smile on his face.

“Ango’s just jealous, ‘cause he couldn’t cook to save his life when he was your age,” he said matter of fact, with a warning look in the direction of the bureaucrat. “Your cooking is the best I ever tasted from a sixteen-year-old,” he reassured.

“I’m the only sixteen-year-old that cooked for you,” the teen remarked.

“And therefore, you are automatically the best,” the older replied with a shrug of his shoulders and Dazai smiled so big that it even reached his eyes. “But back to the topic: Your friend. What did you tell him?”

“First of all: He is very tiny. So, you should say ‘tiny friend’, that’s important.” That earned him an amused eye roll from Oda and a sigh from the government jackass. It also would’ve earned him a good kick if Chuuya wasn’t reduced to a ghost by the ability.

“Maybe he’s ignoring you because you tease him too much,” the bureaucrat mumbled but the other two just ignored him.

“And I really tried to tell him that I only did it for him but it just won’t leave my mouth. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just tell him that I care and be done with it?” At this moment the barkeeper handed them their drinks and Dazai immediately took a huge sip without waiting for his friends.

“Mhm, maybe you just aren’t the type for verbal affection. How about you show him how important he is to you with gestures,” the red-haired male thought aloud.

“Must I remind you why he is ignoring me in the first place? I did something considerate and he totally misinterpreted it,” Dazai said frustrated while he laid his head on one of his arms to rest against the bar and watched the water droplets slide down his whiskey glass.

“Well, he probably doesn’t listen because you’re not telling him the truth,” the government idiot contributed and Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t even listen at all, you piece of shit,” Chuuya spat out, and right when he finished his statement, Dazai spoke up: “Did you even listen to me? I can’t tell him, that’s the core problem of my misery.” God, why is this shitty government guy here in the first place? Couldn’t even concentrate on a simple conversation and the bastard dared to call himself a friend of Dazai.

“Is there a topic where you can open up while telling the truth?” The bureaucrat asked, watching Dazai’s facial expression. Tch, stupid shitty government asshole knew exactly which topic that would be, wouldn’t he?

“I mean, yeah, there is but it’s not- he doesn’t- it’s not an easy topic and he’d kill me if I just talk about it out of the blue,” the teen stumbled a bit over his words. Careful, not to spill anything about Chuuya’s struggles.

“Then don’t start the topic but pour all your thoughts and feelings into it if he ever asks you a question regarding it. Be as open as you can and use it to show him he’s important to you.” Chuuya is not sure if it’s good or shit advice. Maybe he could tell that if Oda was the one to say that, but instead it was the government shithead and the bureaucrat talking about ‘using’ something rings all of Chuuya’s alarms.

“But that’s— I don’t want to ‘use’ that topic to get closer to him. It’s really troubling him and I don’t want to make it worse,” the bandaged boy voiced his doubts and Chuuya smiled at that.

“Maybe ‘using’ isn’t the right term here,” Oda jumped into the conversation again. “It’s more like a little stepping stone for you. If you get more comfortable telling the truth to him through this important topic, you can learn to open up in general. Especially since you won’t lie about anything while talking with him about it, right?” And how did the red-haired man make this shitty plan suddenly sound okay -dare he say it- even good?

“I’d never!” Dazai’s younger version shouted as if the other’s words hurt his pride and Oda just ruffled his hair with so much affection that Chuuya can almost feel it himself. The younger boy tried to make the other stop his ‘assault’ but he’s sounding way too happy about it.

“Then there’s nothing wrong with this plan,” Oda reassured with a gentle smile just as he lifted his hand once more, slowly brushing the hair in place again.

“I just don’t think he will actually talk about it with me, especially not when he’s angry,” he voiced his doubts and his happy feelings from Oda’s gesture were gone just as quickly as they had appeared.

“What is that topic even about?” And of course, it’s the government fucker that’s asking this specific question. God, Chuuya wished he could kick that stupid bastard bureaucrat to another century.

“None of your business,” was the immediate response he got from Dazai, and damn he wore the same facial expression he had when he’s about to kill someone. The same cold look in his eyes daring the other to say more stupid things.

“Sorry, that was stupid of me.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Okay, let’s just forget it and drink, right, guys?” Oda successfully changed the topic and the memory fades.

Real Dazai followed Chuuya through the halls of the Port Mafia. He was currently looking for him, walking fast and cursing under his breath as he looked in several rooms without finding him. Then he opened another room and his younger self was lying on a couch, his legs bent so they fit on it, his eyes being covered by a sleeping mask with cartoon eyes on it. He just yawned and then put his hand back behind his head.

»You’re so loud~,« he teased without taking the mask off. He was facing the ceiling without a care in the world and well, Dazai understood why the other got so angry with him from his indifferent appearance, but that was the point. He only did it so Chuuya wouldn’t dive head-first into danger and the easiest way to distract Chuuya was to make him angry. And Dazai knew exactly which buttons he had to push to make the other explode with rage.

»There you are, Dazai,« the Chibi greeted him, stepping into the room. »The Boss called us, and you’re sleeping?«

»Oh, Chuuya. Good morning,« the bandaged teen acknowledged his presence. »Just as always, you’re the optimal size. Perfect for a human like you. You need to talk?« His younger self asked, »wait a second,« he turned his upper body around so he could move his arm toward the ground, pretending to grab something from there. »I’m going to get my microscope.«

»I’m right here!« Chuuya screamed, pissed. »And I’m not that small!« Real Dazai chuckled a bit because Chibi just agreed on being short. He even said it himself: he’s not that small but still small. Oh, what a blissful wording his younger self sadly didn’t focus on. »You idiot! Don't you know what's going on outside?« His younger self was using Chibi's outburst to sit up on the sofa, legs still resting on the soft cushion as he silently stretched his back. »It's the worst event in the Port Mafia… no,« he corrected himself, yelling it in Dazai's direction: »The worst war in Yokohama history!«

»You don’t have to yell,« his younger self said while moving the eye mask up on his forehead, »of course I know.« He didn’t face Chuuya as he spoke. »From the four associations, the foreign Group, “Strain” was reduced to fifth.« He pulled the eye mask completely from his face, eyes focusing on it as he continued to talk. »The Boss of Takasekai was assassinated, and its management is demolished. Meanwhile, the other groups are on the march of death.« Chuuya was glaring at the demon prodigy with a serious expression as the other just dumped the information on him. »From the rise of retribution and suspicion, it’s a rhapsody of blood.« Dazai’s younger version was now spinning the eyemask in small circles as he talked. »Well, nothing to worry about,« he said and Chuuya stared at him, his interest in the info dumping suddenly peaked as if he expected Dazai to have a plan right now. He did have a plan: make Chuuya angry so he doesn’t do dumb shit. This was easy but also came with a price because their relationship at the time wasn’t good to begin with. The tiny redhead was still pissed at Dazai for doing paperwork and a mission alone. Really, he’ll never understand why it angered the other so much. The only explanation he had was that Chuuya wanted -no, needed- to become executive so he could learn about his past but somehow Dazai couldn’t help but doubt that that was the only reason for his wrath. »If everyone dies, it’ll end automatically,« his younger version said with a dark smile on his lips when he carelessly let go of the eye mask and it flew across the room due to the momentum of the previous turning movement. Chuuya’s expression morphed from serious and peaked interest to a scowl. His eyebrows pulled together in a way that showed exactly what he thought of Dazai’s last sentence and that’s why angry Chuuya was so amazing: He didn’t need to say anything, his mimic is doing the job for him already, stormy blue seas looking in Dazai’s direction and the younger didn’t even appreciate the view as he still looked into the direction the eye mask flew in. What a waste. Also, when the detective thinks about it, it’s probably a bit creepy to be so amazed by Chuuya because he is sixteen right now and he’s just in his memories and all of this feels a bit wrong from a moral point of view but then again, he isn’t really one for morals and without the agency, he wouldn’t even have this thought about morals in the first place.

»Are you fucking serious,« Chuuya’s voice was just so deep and he tried to suppress most of his anger so he didn’t shout, but that voice did pierce through Dazai’s heart in all the right ways. It’s so ridiculous that no one but him seemed to see the beauty that is an angry Chuuya. Everyone else was just so blind. And as the redhead realized that Dazai’s younger version won’t answer his more or less rhetorical question, he started to shout: »Unlike you, nobody in this city wants to die! If you have the time to be sleeping, stop the war,« and real Dazai just chuckles a bit, because the pissed Chuuya didn’t stop believing in his ability to stop the Dragon Head Conflict as if it’s just a rubix cube wanting to be solved. It makes him feel so happy, which is stupid because it’s definitely not the reaction the redhead wanted to achieve.

»Hahaha,« he faked a laugh and it sounded very arrogant now that Dazai could hear it from Chuuya’s perspective, »and that’s exactly how they fuel this fire.« He swung his legs on the ground, sitting on the couch now. »The plan for the conflict itself, we can leave to Mori,« his younger version explains, while he reached into the pocket of his lounge coat. »We should be turning our attention elsewhere,« he said while pulling a picture out of his pocket. »Look at this,« he stretched his arm in Chuuya’s direction and the older teen came closer, leaning forward to better inspect the picture.

»A corpse,« the older teen said after a few seconds. »Who?«

»Current Port Mafia executive,« his younger version said, »alias ‘Colonel’.« And the look on Chuuya’s face was incredible. He was shocked, so utterly affected. That’s what made the older tick the most: The death of others, especially if he knew them. He didn’t even have to like them; the moment they were dead, he was sad. Probably because he thought that he could’ve prevented this outcome. Stupid Chibi and his savior complex.

»Wh…! That old gramps died!? No fucking way!« The teen yelled, looking at the picture, and Dazai’s younger self remained silent. Chuuya now stared at the other, realizing that Dazai probably knew who killed the older member of the Port Mafia. »Who did it?« The teen asked the question with a serious expression and a calm voice. But it wasn’t really calm, oh no, that was Chuuya’s voice if he wanted to crush the person who did this with a simple touch of gravity. Dazai’s younger version was silent and he did seem a bit gloomy. Did he really look this serious back then or was it what Chuuya wanted to see?

»’White Giraffe’,« he starts, »an ability user that suddenly appeared in Yokohama a few days ago. He’s killing all the attacking associations indiscriminately, and trying to take over the conflict itself.« His younger self didn’t look at Chuuya while he shared his information with the older teen. His gaze was focused on the wall, right next to Chuuya. He knew how to make the other angry at him. And in all honesty: Chuuya was still pissed because of the mission and all that shit, so his younger self thought that it should be really easy to make Chuuya explode. »His ability is still unknown, but it’s assumed that he gets stronger the more he kills.«

»What? Then this conflict is just a hunting feeding ground for this ‘White Giraffe’,« the tiny redhead concluded correctly. »What do we do with this guy?« He asked and that caught the attention of Dazais’s younger version. His gaze was focused on Chuuya now. He remembered thinking that that sentence was the perfect template for his plan.

»Chuuya, that’s not what you should be saying,« he said with the attitude of a mother exhorting her child, he even pointed his index finger in a ridiculing way, knowing that the next sentence that left his mouth was going to destroy all of his plans to make up with Chuuya for the time being. But he rather had the Chibi be angry at him than have him lying in a ditch somewhere. Not that Chuuya couldn’t hold his ground in a fight, hell no. The stupid idiot was an amazing fighter with or without his ability but in this situation, it’s better if Dazai planned it out. For a second, he thought that, maybe, he should tell Chuuya about his plan to get captured so they knew the location of the asshole but he didn’t. Chibi wouldn’t like that, he always hated putting people in dangerous situations where he couldn’t protect them and even if they weren’t on good terms right now, the older teen wouldn’t allow it. He would get the hint and find him once he’d been captured. It’s funny how people always underestimate Chuuya’s intelligence. »For us executive candidates it’s: “Another executive seat has opened”,« he mocked with closed eyes and an arrogant expression on his face. He opened his eye. »Right?« Dazai’s younger self taunted seeing the fist coming closer. He could’ve dodged it but he felt like he deserved it for playing the other like that. Also, angry Chuuya is hot. Angry sixteen-year-old Chuuya was hot for his younger self and angry twenty-two-year-old Chuuya was hot for his current self. He just had to clarify that for himself, so he didn’t get as weird as Mori. Real Dazai shivered at the thought of that. Nope. He wasn’t a creep. He was able to distinguish between their younger selves and their current selves: Only the younger versions could think of each other as ‘hot’ or whatever. Chuuya probably didn’t think about him that way anyways, which made Dazai’s situation even weirder. He wanted to get out of this stupid ability. Maybe he shouldn’t watch this scene because Chibi was really angry and his younger version found it very, very hot between all the pain, which worried him back then. But now he just accepted that. Nothing to be ashamed about his little angry Chuuya kink, nope. In fact, it’s perfectly normal. All the other people were weird for not seeing the mesmerizing grace Chuuya radiates whenever someone or something pissed him off. And Dazai wasn’t talking about their usual banter, no, the older one was pretty loud, absolutely adorable, and moving with less grace when the detective teased him. It’s all fun and games when Chuuya was loud. His wrath was different. It’s the opposite of his normal behavior: It’s cold and quiet, seemingly calm like the eye of the storm that gets swallowed in a second by his raging sea-blue eyes. »How terrible of you to hit me suddenly,« his younger version remarks, even though he provoked it intentionally. »I’m human too, you know?« He doesn’t remember why he said it. Maybe because he talked with Odasaku about this important topic where he wouldn’t lie and just felt the need to remind the other of his humanity again. For all he knew, Chuuya still struggled to believe that he’s as human as can be. The detective will never understand how the redhead could doubt it in the first place. Chuuya is so painfully human in all the right ways. But if he had known how the older teen would respond to his last sentence, maybe he wouldn’t have said it.

Real Chuuya watched their conversation, knowing in which direction it was heading. Only Dazai’s thoughts were new. It’s funny that the oh-so-feared demon prodigy was worried about Chuuya while thinking things like It’s better if he hates me than watching him dive head-first into danger as if he couldn’t hold his own ground. Although he knew that Dazai didn’t think he was weak, it was just the kind of worry you have when a person you liked does something insanely reckless, and well, Chuuya is exactly that. Especially if he is filled with rage but why couldn’t the other just tell him that? Like ‘I have this plan: I’m going to let myself be captured so we know where the bastard hides, then you come in and kill him.’ But then…his younger version wouldn’t have liked that plan. He was so angry back then but he wouldn’t have let the other play bait. Okay, maybe the shithead did the right thing. But now that he knew why the idiot said those things, he felt horrible for punching him. It was a hard punch, not their usual banter-fights where he holds back most of his force. And it was stupid but real Chuuya jumped between them, trying to shield young Dazai even if he knew it wouldn’t be of any use. It was just an instinct. The fist moved through him and collided with Dazai’s face. It’s difficult to put himself between Dazai and danger when his younger version was the danger. He hates it. He couldn’t prevent his younger self from punching Dazai and he couldn’t protect the younger teen from his own self-destructive mind. Dazai’s thoughts were weirdly focused on the pain in his cheek, probably for self-harm reasons. It sucks to be someone who hurts Dazai. The brunet said something about being human too and real Chuuya turned to face him to see his expression.

»Nobody would believe that shit,« his younger version spat out like an asshole. »Be grateful I didn’t kill you.« He wanted to hurt Dazai and the punch wasn’t enough, so he used the worst words he had: The ones who’d hurt himself the most; someone denying his humanity. And honestly: Back then? Dazai didn’t seem to be fazed at all and his expression didn’t give anything away, but his thoughts were running wild. »I’ll do something about this ‘White Giraffe’ bastard,« his younger version turned around, making his way to the door, but before he vanished through it, he looked at the younger over his shoulder: »You sleep there till you die,« he said before slamming the door shut. Damn, he could be such a piece of shit.

»Hahaha,« the younger boy laughed uncharitably. »How terrible,« he merely said as his thoughts were loudly raging in his head and Chuuya realized that he did hurt him. The executive felt horrible, even his younger self, who wanted to hurt the other, knew it wasn’t the right thing to say. His younger self was going to apologize for saying it but it’d take a while till they got there and it’s killing Chuuya right now.

Real Dazai was standing in Mori’s office, which sucked. It always sucked to be here and he just tuned out as the former underground doctor was going on and on about the war and their losses and whatever. The detective watched Chuuya’s younger version, who was standing next to Hirotsu, ready to take orders, listening to every single word. It’s been a few days since their last encounter where the older teen punched him. ‘White Giraffe’ has declared war on all the involved groups and the conflicts between the different groups turned into one big war. Mori was talking about the missing members that ranked from executives to associate executives.

»Including Dazai-kun,« he said, sounding exhausted because the kid he forced to read all the stupid books about war strategies was missing in a raging war. Irony, huh?

»Forget shitty Dazai, we must help our other members,« and damn if Chuuya said something like that he was still pissed from their earlier ‘fight’. It couldn’t be called a fight if only one person got beat up, right?

»If they are…alive,« Mori mused, probably thinking about all the chess pieces he lost during this. »Hirotsu-san, any new info on our enemy?« Hirotsu tells Mori the rumors he heard about the ability and how everyone who fought him ended up killing themselves. »When Dazai went missing after the building collapse, was there any information he left?« The former underground doctor asked instead of reacting to the others’ words. As if Dazai would ever leave information for Mori behind, hell no, he only trusts -or trusted- Chuuya.

»I inspected thrice and found nothing,« Hirotsu stated, »perhaps he had found some sort of clue, but he had bought a new microscope.« Dazai watched as Chuuyas eyes widened.

»What?« The older teen asked as the memory of Dazai’s tease to get a microscope to see Chuuya replayed in front of his inner eye. »A microscope?« Realizing what this meant, he turned to Hirotsu just to scream at him: »Where is that?!«

»It’s in his room…« the older member said, clearly confused why such a banal thing was suddenly important.

»That bastard!« Chuuya complained as he stomped away, barking at Hirotsu. »Take me there!« So the older man led him to Dazai’s office, pointing at the microscope sitting on the table. Chuuya moved fast, grabbed the microscope, and smashed it against the wall. His poor little microscope didn’t stand a chance, shattering to pieces as Hirotsu panicked, telling him that he didn’t have to break it but Chuuya stopped his little speech. »Look at this. He hid it here,« Chuuya said as he squatted down to inspect the broken plastic parts, finding something that shouldn’t be there. Hirotsu was astounded as he too realized what it was. »A communicator with a built-in transmitter. Track the same frequency as this transmitter,« Chuuya commanded, picking up said communicator. »The bastard didn’t go missing. He read ahead and got caught on purpose.« That’s exactly what he did. It is so strange for Dazai that no one except him seems to realize how smart the brute actually is. Who could keep up with his strategies? Only Chuuya. He didn’t even have to explain himself, no, the other just knew his mind games, knew what he had to expect, and did his part without a doubt in his mind. So how come people only call him a genius? Chuuya’s one too. »Where this transmitter indicates Dazai and ‘White Giraffe’ are there.« Chuuya balled his fist in anger, pissed at the enemy and probably at Dazai, then he ran off, leaving Hirotsu to track the location. A few minutes later they had the frequency and the teen was standing in the garage in front of his motorcycle, waiting for the signal to drive off into the night. Wait for me, shitty Dazai! Dazai can’t help but smile at the other’s thought even though he was surprised that he could hear it. Chuuya was playing his knight in shining armor like he always does and Dazai loves it. Seeing Chibi care about him gives him a rush of mushy happy feelings. So beautiful. Also, on a different note, his younger version would’ve definitely liked the picture Chuuya made riding his motorcycle. He hates the thing but Chuuya looks so cool on it, ‘badass’, as Chuuya would say, and he really does, not that Dazai will ever admit it out loud.

Chapter Text

Chuuya was on top of a building, standing next to the handcuffed Dazai. Why is he always late? The bastard dared to think as if he didn’t make a fucking riddle out of everything. He hates riddles. Why beat around the bush when you can just say what you mean? Chuuya’s thoughts got interrupted by the sound of shooting in the distance as the enemies launched their pathetic electro-attacks at his younger version. Oh, he’s on his way. A smile forms on Dazai’s face, despite the barrel of a half-automatic rifle pressed against the back of his head as he sat on the ground, calmly waiting for his rescue. It didn’t take long until the younger Chuuya landed on top of the roof, pushing away the smoke from the past attacks with his ability. Damn, it looked so badass. Shitty Dazai should be happy to witness this. So cool, the teen thought and Chuuya grinned.

»I was hoping you’d get hit by lightning and die,« the demon prodigy said with a disappointed sigh, even though his thoughts told a different story.

»Shut up, shitty Dazai,« his younger version said, fed up with the other’s mind games, »you set this up so I’d have to get you.« At that, a smile formed on the mackerel’s face. And you’re really here. Real Chuuya mirrored the soft smile.

“Of course, I’m here, idiot,” the executive mumbled right as Dazai started to balance his weight on his hands.

»You’re five minutes late,« and Dazai pushed himself off the ground with his hands, kicking the person holding him hostage as if it was nothing. Sometimes he forgets how agile the younger teen is. He could move astoundingly fast if he wanted to. The opponent didn’t stand a chance and Dazai just walked towards his younger version with the attitude of someone who didn’t have a care in the world, still, the teen started to complain: »I was punched three extra times because of you,« he sulked as he freed himself of the handcuffs, rubbing his wrist to relax them again.

»Aw poor baby, want me to pick up where he left off?« His younger version mocked and Dazai, well, his thoughts were coming to a full stop just to run through his brain at full speed. Baby? Did he just call me baby? And his voice— Ahhhhhhh, what in the woooorld?! Why did he— Wait, wait, focus: He’s mocking me. It’s an insult. Just an insult, stop malfunctioning and just say something, you stupid idiot. God, who would’ve thought Dazai could be so tooth-achingly sweet? All this panic because he mockingly used a pet name. Absolutely adorable. Chuuya couldn’t get enough.

»Save that energy for our approaching guests,« he replied without missing a beat even though his brain was out of it for a few moments. Maybe his younger version would’ve realized Dazai’s crush if the bandage waster wasn't such a genius whose thoughts were always way too fast, easily covering the chaos in his brain.

»Hah?« His younger version was annoyed at the stupid henchmen circling them in, barrels pointing at their heads. Ha, as if they could hurt him. Pathetic. »Oh yeah, I forgot, « his younger version declared, »I had a score to settle.« They started shooting, Chuuya did his thing and the enemies died through the power of their own weird electrified weapons in a huge yellow explosion. Dazai and Chuuya then just walked past the dead bodies on their way to ‘White Giraffe’.

»He’s up ahead,« Dazai said, »alias ‘White Giraffe’… his name is-«

»I don’t give a fuck about his name,« his younger version harshly interrupted the younger teen. »I’ve just come to take back my group.« He also showed up to save Dazai. Right, he’s still pissed at me. Even more than before. Real Chuuya sighed. Maybe his younger version should’ve also said that he’s mostly here for the suicidal maniac that is his partner. But taking in the utter confusion Dazai had the last time he was being decent to him despite being angry, maybe it’s for the best he didn’t say anything about saving him. Their younger versions just walked silently next to each other till they reached the weird mosaic glass gazebo ‘White Giraffe’-Bastard was in. His posture was way too relaxed as he threw the gemstones into the small fire that was in front of him in a trash bin, his bored gaze just watching the flames dance around while talking to himself. Real Chuuya didn’t listen to all the bullshit he had to say because he knew it all and he didn’t really listen to that pathetic shit in the first place. Dazai was safe and the only other thing he cared for at that moment were his friends. So why should he listen to some weird-ass speech?

»Give me back my friends,« his younger self demanded, interrupting the monologue and it seemed like ‘White Giraffe’ only realized their presence now.

»Welcome, boring guest. Though I know you can’t gift me my desires,« he said, sounding disappointed, »I implore you to die quickly. Just as they did…« ‘White Giraffe’ said and Chuuya’s younger self could see the corpses of his friends lying behind the bastard. »Your friends all killed themselves. I had nothing to obtain from them. Meaningless and worthless,« it definitely bumped real Chuuya out that the asshole sounded so melancholic while stating his bullshit. »Boring humans are boring even in death…«

»You bastard,« his younger self growled as red swirls started to grow on his skin, sneaking up his arms and covering him. It’s weird to see it from an outsider’s perspective. »Don’t fucking stop me!« He warned Dazai, who had just taken a few steps back, seemingly unimpressed by the scene. He didn’t say his phrase and the bandaged boy was right. His younger self was just so overwhelmed by his anger that the god took the reins. Chuuya didn’t want to stop it.

»Hm, Corruption,« the demon prodigy said as Chuuya was fully overtaken by the higher power, demolishing everything and everyone in his way and the real Chuuya didn't understand how Dazai avoided being hit by gravity. There was so much chaos around them both as their enemies became as flat as the ground, blood spilling everywhere as his corrupted form just laughed at all the destruction it caused. Then the laughter stopped and all he did was scream in pain, in grief. A cold hand touched his cheek, letting Chuuya take control over his body again, just to immediately collapse. Dazai caught him, carefully moving him until he was resting on his leg, while the other just stared at him, hand combing through his hair again. “Rest now. The enemy is gone, Chuuya,” he mumbled to the already unconscious boy, then he pulled out his phone, dialing a number. “Chuuya needs medical attention. We’re at the— No, leaving you a message would’ve been—,“ oh, so he was talking to Mori, wasn’t he? Dazai’s expression got darker and darker with every second, and the hand he let running through Chuuya’s hair stopped. “Cut it, it was the only way.” I should’ve called Ane-san, the brunet thought bitterly as he listened to the boss. “No, it— I don’t want to— Alright. I’ll do it, but send someone here,” Dazai sounded defeated when he gave Mori the address. What did Dazai agree to do in exchange? And why the fuck didn’t Chuuya know anything about it? He would talk to the former executive about this. The bandaged teen ended the phone call, just to let out a long sigh. “The things I do for you,” he said, softly smiling at the teen resting on his thigh and real Chuuya is just frustrated. What things did the other do for his sake?!

Real Dazai sighed as he watched his surroundings blur into black again as red sparks and flames started to fly around him. Why did the god have to be this dramatic?

You're still here, mortal.

"Yup, I certainly am and I still don't understand how you are talking to me. If you can't kick me out of Chibi's memories already, then leave me alone," Dazai told the biggest-looking flame that was flying a few feet away from him. Maybe it wasn't the smartest move to provoke the god of destruction, Dazai thought as he remembered the loud voice ringing in his ears the last time this happened.

I am going to get rid of you, you pest.

Pest. Huh, that was a new one. Lovely. Dazai stared at the dark red, almost black fire silently that slowly morphed into spheres. A large one that was surrounded by smaller ones. He should try to learn more about his situation so he could tell Chibi he talked to his god. If Chuuya still wanted to talk with him after discovering Dazai's gigantic crush on him. Which was very unlikely, but just in case some miracle happens and Chuuya still wanted to talk to him, he'd need any information the god could give.

"Would my god explain why I have the honor to talk to him?" Sweet talking might get an answer out of the higher being, the god did call him a 'devoted worshipper' already so he'll just play a little into that. He needs information, needs to know everything about this to tell Chuuya and to maybe figure out a way out of the ability.

I know what you are doing, mortal.

And his plan failed, great.

But your god allows it.

It failed successfully. A full success in Dazai’s book and if the warm and comfy heat radiating from the sphere in front of him was anything to indicate the emotions of the higher being, it seemed pleased by Dazai's words.

It just doesn't help you.

"Why not?" Didn't the god know how the ability worked? It was a higher being, it should understand this.

I can only say that I tried to stop it and that your stay here is going to be cut short by your god.

Arahabaki tried to stop this? Interesting. But the god didn't answer his question and the detective needs to acquire the information the god holds about this, so he voices his question again: "Why am I able to talk to my god?"

Your god would like to tell you but the full concept of the ability would be beyond your comprehension, mortal. You would die.

“Try me,” he challenged the god with a scoff. He turned into a dragon singularity once so his mind could handle a lot. Also, death? Ha, been there, done that. It was only till Chuuya saved him with a punch to his gorgeous face, but technically speaking he was dead, so the god couldn’t really shock him.

No. I could show you the truth behind the universe, but it would destroy your mind. It’s simply not made for mortals; you couldn’t handle all the colors, all the sounds, and all the sensory impressions the creation left behind.

“The god of destruction talking about creation?” He teased the god, definitely not the smartest thing Dazai did, but who cares? If the higher being decides to end him he’s at least out of the misery the ability puts him in.

Destruction is creating space for something new.

“How poetic,” his voice is laced with sarcasm, “did Chuuya rub off on you?” Maybe he should just keep his mouth shut. He did have a death wish but Chuuya needed him to nullify this stupid ability.

Our time is over, mortal.

The darkness fades away leaving Dazai in the white abyss again with just as many questions as before. At least the god didn’t scream this time.

“You should rest too, you know?” Ane-san advises while she observes Dazai writing a report for the defeat of the ‘White Giraffe’. The brunet looked like shit. His bandages were dirty and old, blood tainting them a pinkish red and Chuuya hoped it wasn’t his blood. The bags under his eyes were dark and way too big already. He probably didn’t sleep for the last two days. Chuuya’s younger version was still fast asleep, resting in the bed of his room in the infirmary station, where Kouyou and Dazai were also sitting. The red-haired woman was sitting in a chair next to Chuuya’s bed and the bandaged teen has repurposed the little nightstand again to do his paperwork on it.

“Mhm, just this report, the paperwork, and another small mission,” the teen responded without stopping his work, pen moving over the page scarily fast. Another small mission? Had he already completed another one? Mori was working him to the bone. Seriously, the other only looked this shitty when Chuuya was knocked out with post-Corruption sleepiness. And the teen looked like shit when he was trying to end it all. Taking care of everything and covering for Chuuya wasn’t really doing his mental health any favors. It’s so stupid and self-destructive and the idiot should stop it already before he collapses under all the pressure both he and Mori put on him.

“I won’t let you in again if you don’t shower beforehand,” the elegant woman stated, eyes closed as she took a sip of her tea. Dazai’s head snapped in her direction. Chuuya was surprised she even let him in in the first place but maybe she knew what he was going through right now.

“You know I don’t have time for a stupid shower,“ his eyebrows pulled together, staring at the older woman annoyed in a way Ane-san usually doesn’t tolerate. This time she just looked at the boy who was sitting on the floor, doing his paperwork like a maniac, with an expression in her eyes Chuuya can’t really pinpoint.

“You need to rest, Dazai,” she emphasized again, “I will tell you when he’s up and then you-“

“No,” he interrupted her, which would have anyone else begging for their life. But the woman held a soft spot for both teens. At least Chuuya thinks she does, otherwise, he couldn’t explain all the times Kouyou kept calm when they brought chaotic mayhem with them. She did get angry though. The woman didn’t just want to be called sister for her youth but because she really did behave as an older sibling would: she was protective and strict but she also let them off the hook too easily sometimes. She was so fucking scary if she was truly pissed and so cruel with “educational measures”. She once emptied Chuuya’s wine cabinet just because he was a bit tipsy at work once. He never showed up tipsy ever again. She just knows when she has to push and when she has to be soft with them. Right now, she’s soft with Dazai because she knew what Chuuya didn’t know back then: Dazai was overworking himself so his younger version could rest. “Don’t force me to go.”

"I’m not forcing you to go, Dazai," she reassured. "Listen, if you shower now," Dazai was already opening his mouth in protest, but Ane-san silenced him with a pointed look, "I'll arrange it so you can sleep in here." Dazai closed his mouth, looked at the older woman, and shook his head.

"I'm not sleeping anyways," he said and as if his body wanted to remind him that it was needing sleep he yawned.

"You must sleep, it's not debatable," Ane-san let him know what the other already knew but ignored. Stupid insomniac idiot.

"I can't sleep now."

"But you have to sleep!"

"And I want to sleep, for fuck’s sake. Why are you so goddamn loud?" A third very annoyed voice said and stopped their little discussion. Chuuya’s younger version got up, slowly raising so he was more sitting on the bed than laying even if every single muscle in his body hurt.

"Sorry, lad," Ane-san apologized with a smile, "glad you're up again."

"Yeah, how long was I out?" He asked the elegant woman and before she could answer, Dazai did.

"Two days," he said and his younger version immediately fixed him with a glare. In all his wrath he failed to see how wrecked Dazai looked, how the bags under his eyes were way too dark, and how he only barely stood upright. God, the stupid idiot suffered so much and all he had to do was tell Chuuya why he did. All of his younger self's anger would've been gone. But they both suck at open communication and it's something Chuuya is keen on changing as soon as he gets out of this ability.

"What the fuck are you doing here, you piece of shit?" Chuuya growled in his direction. "Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Chuuya," Ane-san sounded taken aback, quite in shock. Understandable, because she knew what Dazai did for him, that he sacrificed his sleep and his everything to assure he can rest longer. "Don't you know that—"

"No need to tell him now," Dazai interrupted her with a grin. It's so fake it hurts. "An angry dog just keeps barking," he teased because the younger one doesn't know how else to talk to Chuuya sometimes. Hurting always seemed easier for the prodigy.

"You bastard. Why the fuck are you even here, huh? This shitty war didn't even concern you in the slightest, bet you wished I didn't show up to save your sorry ass, so you'd be embracing your sweet death right now!" Maybe Chuuya also doesn't know how else to talk to the younger one. At least not when he's still hurt from misunderstanding Dazai's motives. God, they both suck at talking, especially when one of them is hurt or afraid to be hurt. They so easily slip into insults as defense mechanisms because that's safe, that's a known terrain. It's so dumb.

"Oh my, you're all riled up over this. Missed me that much when I was captured? Such a good puppy," Dazai got a bit closer to Chuuya, arrogantly propped his hands on the bed, leaning over at the foot of Chuuyas bed, just to grin at him. His mind was at loss though. Will he just hate me forever? Is this how it's going to be from now on? I don't want that.

"Then you should've just told me the truth," real Chuuya commented on the thoughts that haunted Dazai's mind.

"You fucker! As if I've ever missed some- argh," his younger version was moving around a bit, because he suddenly had so much energy and wanted to punch that stupid idiot, but his body just didn't agree with him at the moment. Suddenly, Dazai was by his side. A hand on his chest again, carefully putting pressure on it to lower Chuuya down like the first time but his younger version just slapped his hand away, hissing in pain while doing so. "Don't fucking touch me, you bag of bandages! Leave already, or I’ll force you to go," he screamed and Dazai took a step back, shocked by his outburst. Shocked that Chuuya slapped his hand away. Their eyes met and after a moment Dazai sighed, shoulders slumped. If I don't go, he'll hurt himself in the process of getting me out of here, he concluded and walked towards the door somewhat defeated.

"Stop barking so much, little dogs like you need to rest," he said before slipping through the door, just barely missing the pillow Chuuya threw at him despite his pain. With a dull sound, the pillow first hit the now-closed door and then the floor.

"What happened?" A voice said and real Dazai and young Chuuya turned their heads to stare at Ane-san, both had completely forgotten her presence over the little argument.

"What do you mean? He was an ass like always, that happened," Chuuya answered her, but saw the way her eyes narrowed.

"No. That wasn't your usual banter. You're really angry this time so I'll ask again: What happened?" Kouyou's voice didn't leave room for arguments. She knew something was up and Dazai would bet that she already concluded what happened. She probably also knew that his younger self forged Chuuya's handwriting. There was no doubt in that, since she is the one who reads over Chibi's reports most of the time. She most likely also figured out that Dazai had a huge crush on Chuuya. Not that that’s hard. Honestly, everyone except Chuuya probably figured him out.

"He used my weakness," the tiny redhead mumbled, turning his head away from the older woman.

"Would you be a darling and elaborate what you mean by that, lad?" Ane-san watched the young boy expectantly. Hopefully, she wouldn't tell Chuuya all of the things he did to cover for his dog. If she did then he'd die out of cheer embarrassment because even someone as dense as the redhead might figure everything out and— wait. It didn't matter. Chuuya is seeing his memories right now. He’ll know everything by the time they’re out of the ability's clutch. And he'll either never want to talk to him ever again or he wants to talk with him. Both options included crushing his heart, there is no way in hell Chuuya reciprocates his feelings. He saw enough memories to know that Chibi deeply hates him. The detective concludes it’s best if he jumps off the nearest bridge as soon as the ability wears off. Yeah, that's a great plan.

"What's there to elaborate? I was knocked out and he did a mission and all that shit to gain extra points," the tiny future executive explained, his head still turned away so he doesn't have to face the piercing gaze of the elegant woman.

"Extra points?" Ane-san repeats, almost with the same pronunciation his younger self had when Chuuya hauled him out of this apartment: Questioning and confused. At that the redhead wiped his head in her direction, meeting her eyes with a glare.

"Yes, extra points! He just wants to become an executive faster and it's so shitty of that bastard to do it while I can't even compete!" Chuuya exclaimed. Ane-san sighed and suddenly she looked very tired.

"Is that really what you think he's doing?" She questioned exaggeratedly, and it did throw Chuuya off, at least his anger seemed to fade a bit.

"Isn't that what he's doing?" He asked and then he saw the conflicted face Ane-san made and suddenly he leaned in her direction, almost excited as he started to bombard her with questions. "Do you know what he's doing? Is it one of his schemes? Does he-"

"I don't know," Kouyou cut him off with a lie. There is no way she didn’t know his real motives. Chuuya looked so disappointed with Ane-san’s answer. "I can only guess why he'd do something like this," she stated, once again catching Chuuya’s attention. "If he really wanted to gain 'extra points' then what stopped him from doing that before? He could've always asked Mori for paperwork or to do missions on his own. Do you really think he’d need to wait for something knocking you out to do all of that?” Chuuya opened his mouth just to close it immediately, eyebrows being pulled together in concentration as he started to think about the words the older woman said.

“You do have a point,” he mumbled, lost in thoughts. “Why didn’t he do that sooner?” He looked at Ane-san, who just smiled.

“You should ask him that.” Chuuya eyed her for a while, nodding at her suggestion. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he just won’t voice whatever was on his mind and Ane-san seemed to realize it too. “What is on your mind, lad?” Chuuya looked caught off guard by that and avoided looking the elegant woman in the eyes as he muttered something. “Oh my, I’d never thought I’d have to say this to you but you have to speak a bit louder,” she chuckled and a red flush appeared on Chuuya’s cheeks. It looked so adorable and was sadly gone way too fast.

“Out of your perspective,” the tiny redhead started, “who is the asshole in our argument?” Now he let his gaze meet her eyes again, searching for a sign that would answer his question.

“It’s not as easy as to—“

“Out of your perspective,” he repeated with emphasis, not breaking eye contact, "who's the bigger asshole?" Kouyou stayed silent and Chuuya sighs. "It's me, isn't it?"

"I didn't say anything but if you feel like that, then maybe you should apologize," she hinted and Chuuya let himself fall back in his pillows, lost in thoughts Dazai didn’t get to hear. Stupid Arahabaki. The detective would’ve really liked to know how Chibi came up with his beautiful idea.

"How do I do that?" Chuuya wondered while staring at the ceiling.

"I'm sure you'll think of something." And the tiny redhead really did think of something. Dazai smiled as he remembered the way Chuuya apologized, even if the word sorry didn’t leave his mouth at first. Seems like they both are more at ease when they can show what or how they feel and don't have to actually say it. Though Chuuya will show and tell because of course he has to up Dazai on that.

The memory fades into nothingness and the detective starts to wonder if he gets to see any of the memories that were ahead. He sure wanted to witness them again, the two years in the mafia were the best he's ever had. Just because of Chuuya and the way they got so comfortable around each other. Would Arahabaki skip those happy memories? Or would he come to realize that those happy times might have been hell for Chuuya? He hates either option, but it's not like he has much of a choice.

Chapter Text

Real Dazai follows Chuuya through the halls of one of the mafia towers. The tiny redhead is looking for him and since he isn’t annoyed but rather giving up a nervous vibe the detective concludes that it’s actually the memory where the older one apologizes. Dazai wants to relive the memory so desperately. The older teen was so sweet, way sweeter than his younger self deserved back then. Not that Dazai was complaining, hell no, Chuuya’s apology pretty much marks the point in their partnership where they grew closer and he loved every second of it. He even liked the time he embarrassed himself because Chibi witnessed the impact of one of his nightmares. The embarrassment was totally worth it since after that way too pathetic breakdown, they grew closer. Oh, and don’t get him started on the impact their little weed session had. Dazai can barely remember it to be honest and it was so frightening for him because the one thing he always could count on was his memory. God, he was so fucking confused when he woke up with Chuuya’s arms around him without remembering how that happened. But the older teen was reassuring that nothing out of the ordinary happened and insisted that he just figured out how touch-starved Dazai was through weed-increased honesty so the brunet believed him but he still fled the situation, just to receive a lecture from Odasaku about smoking weed. After that experience, Chuuya and him grew even closer with an added physical level and it was amazing. The older teen started to pull him close while watching movies, and whenever Dazai wanted to leave to go sleep in his container, Chibi insisted that he should stay over. It started slowly, the older teen was suddenly always closer than he had to be, shoulders brushing, a hand on his shoulder or his back. He loved all those small and light touches. It was all under the impression that Chuuya thought Dazai was touch-starved and yeah, okay, maybe he was a bit but that didn’t mean that Chibi had to make it his mission to kill him with affection. So, it was bittersweet because on one hand, Dazai just loved Chuuya’s soft touches but on the other hand he felt terrible for manipulating the older teen like this. The redhead really shouldn’t have to endure his pathetic antics to get closer and Dazai should’ve stopped it but he was so weak to the other’s touch. How was he supposed to put an end to it, when Chuuya was the one who initiated it? Dazai was far too selfish and too happy about the way the redhead started to hold him close when watching movies. It suddenly stopped when he left the mafia. Obviously. It was worse than waterboarding to be away from the Chibi because he just came to realize how much they touched and he craved it so bad but Chuuya wasn’t around and it was Dazai’s own fault and—

“There you are!” Chuuya pulls him out of his thoughts as he grabs the wrist of his younger version. “Been looking all over the place for you.”

“And I’ve been trying to hide but you’re such a bloodhound that I didn’t stand a chance,” his younger version faked a sigh while crossing his arms as if he wasn’t happy that the other kept looking for him.

“You knew I was looking for you and just decided to hide?! You’re such an asshole! Why did you do that?” Chuuya wanted to know and the answer was easy: He didn’t want to have to deal with an angry Chibi. Sure, the redhead was absolutely adorable when he was enraged but Dazai had a limit for being used as his punch bag.

“You wanted me out of your sight and when I go out of my way to grant you that wish, you just stalk me,” his younger self pretends to be annoyed by Chibi’s behavior. “You’re so indecisive.”

“Indecisive? Listen here you- wait, that’s not what I’m here for,” the tiny redhead stopped his rant, slightly shaking his head. “You’re coming with me,” his intonation didn’t leave room for arguments but that never stopped Dazai before.

“I don’t want to,” an obvious lie, of course he wanted to stay with Chuuya. Even if the older teen was still pissed at him, it had been really troubling to avoid the hat rack, but he thought the space might help them make up again. Odasaku thought so too.

“What a pity,” Chuuya let him know while grabbing his wrist, “that you don’t have a choice here.”

“Chibi’s such a brute,” his younger version mumbled without trying to loosen the other’s iron grip. It would be wasted energy anyway. “Do we have a mission or something?” He questions as the older teen leads him through mafia quarters.

“Yeah, something like that,” was the mysterious answer. Real Dazai smiled while he followed them. He knew what awaited his younger self and it was so sweet of Chuuya to plan something like this just to make up with him again.

Real Chuuya smiled as his younger version opened the door to his room. Dazai started to bombard him with questions on the way here because the brunet hates not knowing something, which made his younger self answer in more cryptic ways just to tease the other a bit.

“Are you going to murder me now?” Dazai wants to know as he follows the older teen in the room. His younger version snorts at that. “I’m just saying that you’re behaving very strangely right now and—” The words he wanted to say get stuck in his throat as he takes in the room. It was rather dark because Chuuya had to close the blinds so the fairy lights would shine brighter. The gravity manipulator just wanted to make his flat have the same energy the monthly parties held by the flags had. But damn, now that he saw it again, this made his flat look like he was ready to go down on someone. Real Chuuya looked around remembering how he used his ability to hang the lights on his ceiling. He also placed them on his kitchen table so they could prettily surround the cake that was standing in the center. The atmosphere the colorful little lights created was a cozy one, especially since the TV gave off a bit of light as well as Netflix started to show off their shows in the head banner of the homepage. Dazai’s gaze fell onto the TV and the couch and the dozens of fluffy pillows decorating the normally empty couch. Yup, if real Chuuya would step into a room like this with someone, he’d expect Netflix-and-chill… He definitely went overboard with it, no wonder that Dazai just seemed rather overwhelmed by it all. His mouth opened slightly as he gazed at the lights in the room. God, surprised and confused Dazai is just the cutest and his younger self is too innocent to realize how his decorated flat comes across. Dazai was weird in that aspect, he actually did have sexual experience but when Chuuya asks about it one time the younger teen made it sound like a chore? Like something he had to do and as Chuuya got older he just assumed the lack of actual interest is related to his depression. He never confirmed it though because he never wanted to talk about sex when the younger teen was so weirdly indifferent about it. It just didn’t sit right with Chuuya.

“We didn’t celebrate your birthday,” his younger version mumbled, suddenly feeling shy because he feared the other wouldn’t like the sentiment. Throwing a birthday party was the best way to end their stupid argument. Ane-san did agree with him on that but what if he just somehow made it worse? His younger self started to doubt the whole party idea. What if Dazai didn’t want to celebrate his birthday because he wanted to end his life? “I know that Albatross was planning this big party for you and this doesn’t live up to it in the slightest but I just thought you might like it and I know it’s way too late for a party and…” Geez, his younger self just started to ramble on and on, nervously stumbling over his words because Dazai hadn’t said a single thing. “…so if you don’t like it I can just -you know- clean up and we never talk about it again, yeah…” Dazai was still staring at his surroundings in disbelief but at least this time Chuuya could hear his thoughts and luckily they didn’t reach the Netflix-and-chill conclusion real Chuuya had while standing in this room. No, Dazai’s thoughts were a loop of:  He did all of this for me? This is so sweet, so utterly sweet, I always knew Chibi would be the end of me but this is— I can’t. I just— this is— Why is he even— isn’t he still angry? I don’t deserve this. How can one person be this cute? How can someone plan this for me? I’ve been so stupid and he— I don’t understand. Ha, seems like he made Dazai.exe stop working. Adorable. “Could you please say something? You’re freaking me out!”

“I don’t know what to say,” Dazai sheepishly admitted, looking a bit lost. And that was a first. Dazai and his silver tongue, not knowing what to say? Yeah, his younger self got the hint, or at least he thought he did.

“You hate it, don’t you?” His younger version concluded, clearly dejected by that. “I knew it would be a stupid idea. Just forget this and—” He started to move to take down the fairy lights and start to clean up but he was stopped by Dazai’s hand that lightly grasped his wrist, successfully turning his attention to the brunet.

“That’s not what I said,” Dazai corrected firmly, staring at the ground and avoiding eye contact as he started to try to put his chaotic thoughts in words: “I just— I don’t know how I should react because a ‘thank you’ doesn’t seem to be enough and usually people don’t go out of their way to do something like this for someone like me and the only person besides you who would’ve done something like this is dead and I don’t— I just…” He stopped, not knowing where he was even going with that sentence. He lifted his gaze from the ground, looking in Chuuya’s eyes with such an open expression that his younger version drowned for a second. And as if that wasn’t enough to cause a malfunction in his younger version’s head, the brunet went for the kill with a whispered: “Thank you, Chuuya.” They just stood there. Dazai, still holding Chuuya’s wrist hostage in the weakest grip ever, while staring into his eyes as they both took a moment to reboot their brains.

“God, we’re both dorks,” real Chuuya comments on the scene in front of him with a half-hearted eye roll and a barely noticeable smile on his lips. His younger version seemed to wake up from his daze and carefully moved his hand so he slipped out of Dazai’s grip with ease. That also seemed to get Dazai’s brain running again, because he immediately looked to the side and now that Chuuya witnessed it again, he clearly could make out the slight adorable flush on his ears. Yup, Chuuya’s really going to die from sugar shock and Dazai is the cause of it. “Can’t believe we managed to dance around each other like that. It’s almost impressive.” But at that time his younger self didn’t realize his own feelings so it was rather normal that none of them made a move. Chuuya sighed as he starts to remember what memories would lie ahead of him. It’s going to get really fucking frustrating because they started to legitimately cuddle at one point in their unusual partnership and there wasn’t an excuse why neither of them made a move in the next years that Chuuya’s gonna relive.

“Don’t get used to it, shitty Dazai,” his younger version said, trying to make whatever weird atmosphere they had disappear. It didn’t work since his voice was way too soft for the insult.

“No promises~” The younger teen sang teasingly, a big smile on his face. “So, what did you plan, hm?” He sounded so smug, especially with that damn grin on his face. But now Chuuya could hear his thoughts and knew the younger one was just overplaying how much this meant to him.

“Eh, I’ve got cake, booze, and we can watch movies,” his younger self was so unsure back then, slightly embarrassed about his idea.

“That sounds lovely,” the younger one said, sounding a bit dreamy, and then his thoughts caught on to what he said and how did it so he added: “You’re such a good dog,” just so he could feel at ease again as Chuuya lightly punched his shoulder.

“One more comment and I’ll throw you out,” it’s an empty threat and they both knew it but it helped them to get over the somewhat awkward atmosphere that settled between them. His younger version moves towards the table, beginning to cut the cake.

“You’re so mean,” the brunet complained, following the older teen. “But you’ve bought cake so I’ll forgive you this one time,” he declared as if it’s the nicest thing anyone could ever do. His younger self chuckled lightly.

“How generous of you,” it’s laced with sarcasm as he put a piece of cake on a plate to hand it to the demon prodigy.

“I know, I’m such a good citizen,” Dazai responded deliberately ignoring the sarcasm with a big grin on his face as he took a bite of the cake. “Mhm, it’s good~ Where’d you get it?” He asked between bites as he just enjoyed the taste.

“Nowhere, eh, Ane-san gave me one of her recipes and I just followed the instructions,” he shrugged his shoulders even if he was slightly embarrassed. Dazai’s fork fell out of his grip landing on the plate with a loud clattering sound as he just stared at the other with wide eyes.  Chuuya baked? For me?? What did I do to deserve this??? Real Chuuya grinned at those thoughts.

“You didn’t plan to poison me, did you?” The brunet tried to cover his happy thoughts with the easiest and most effective way: start banter.

“No, I did not, you bag of bandages,” Chuuya answered, angrily shoving a piece of cake into his own mouth. “As if I’d need poison to kill a weak piece of shit like you,” he then mumbled, his mouth still full of cake. They just ate in silence and it’s nice. The weird atmosphere that hung awkwardly in the air around them was completely gone after the few insults left Chuuya’s mouth.

Their younger selves were sitting on the couch while playing a very competitive round of Mario Kart. They made a bet because once his younger self realized that Chibi baked a cake for him, he selfishly wanted to get a baked cake from the older teen every birthday. So when the tiny redhead handed him his very late birthday gift and it turned out to be Mario Kart, he provoked the older teen to take the bet. The loser has to bake the winner a birthday cake every year. Chuuya -for some weird reason- also wanted a self-baked cake. Which was strange because everyone knew that Dazai wasn’t a good cook and especially not a good baker. Maybe Chibi just wanted to be excused from work for suffering from food poisoning. Real Dazai was astounded by the fact that Arahabaki was even letting him see this memory. It was a tooth-achingly sweet one so it had nothing to do with suffering apart from the bitter thought that the older teen didn’t bake him cakes anymore.

“Ha, you’ll never be able to catch up to me!” Chibi announced happily, with a confident smirk that looked incredibly nice on him. His younger self would’ve melted but the younger teen was focused on the screen, grinning as he used his ghost at the right moment to steal himself a blue shell, which he let go immediately. Yoshi was in first place and Peach in second but that would soon change as the blue shell started to swirl around the green dinosaur-like creature. “What?! How did you get a fucking blue shell in second place?!” The tiny redhead loudly complained as Peach passed by his poor Yoshi.

“It’s all about timing~” His younger self let the older teen know in a singsong as his character reached the finish line, making him win the last race and thus their little bet as well. “And now Chuuya owes me birthday cakes for a lifetime!” He grinned as Yoshi crossed the chessboard-checkered line a few moments after him.

“I hate you so much, you cheater,” the older teen huffed, which made Dazai’s younger version chuckle. The confetti surrounding his character didn’t seem to cheer the redhead up in the slightest.

“As if I’d need to cheat to win against a slow slug like you!”

“Slug? Whom are you calling a slug?!” Chibi barks, head turning in Dazai’s direction fast.

“Oh my, it seems like your brain cells are also slow. A true slug,” his younger version teased and the real Dazai just smiled at them. Right. The party was also the birth of their stupid nicknames. Chibi hit him and then turned his focus back to the screen, making an angry face because the other won the entire tournament. They had played five rounds and each of them won two so it was a rather close call. Chuuya seemed lost in thoughts for a while.

“If I’m a slug then you’re a mackerel!” He suddenly spat out, turning his attention back to Dazai. “Because every time you’re involved in something it’s fishy, just like that blue shell!” He justified his decision as he let his controller slip from his hand and softly land on one of the dozens of pillows. Chibi really had to think hard and long to come up with that explanation.

“Mhm, whatever you say, slug,” his younger version said with a smile on his face that turned into a grin as he looked at Chuuya. “How about we make this more challenging?” Chuuya lifted an eyebrow, curiosity peaked but still a bit wary of what’s to come out of Dazai’s mouth next.

“Suddenly it smells so fishy in here,” the tiny redhead made a show of covering his nose but then he dropped the act to look at the other far too seriously. “What do you have in mind, mackerel?” He asked, awaiting the challenge that the younger teen would propose soon. Real Dazai is amused by the fact that both teens used the new nicknames almost in every sentence. It’s quite adorable.

“Well, you said you had booze if I remember correctly. How about we turn our competitive rounds into a drinking game?” Dazai suggested, grinning at the older teen. Chuuya just stared at him for a few seconds, slowly blinking, then he shook his head with a small laugh.

“I’m in,” he immediately stated after his laughter died down, “explain the rules.” And his younger version did. It was rather simple: They’d drink anytime they’d use an item, anytime they’re hit with an item, and anytime they get knocked off or drive off the road. While they’re drinking they cannot drive because safety first, so they actually have to put the remote down to take a sip from their drink. Also obviously: The loser had to drink, not that that would be a problem for Dazai. Apart from those basic rules they made three additions: Chuuya’s rule was that if one got hit by a blue shell the person had to stand up and spin around themselves three times and Dazai made it a rule that they’d have to take a sip from the other’s drink if they used a star. They both decided that if one of them got a bullet bill the person using it had to drink for as long as the item was on the screen. While Dazai explained the rules, Chuuya got up to fetch the drinks, mixing them while discussing the rules with the brunet. They played for a while and Chuuya even won a few rounds but it didn’t take long till Chibi was completely wasted. He couldn’t even drive straight anymore, constantly driving poor Yoshi off-road. At the moment he was driving in the wrong direction.

 “Why’s that stupid cloud-thingy in my way!” His younger version glared at the screen and Dazai laughed at him. It was his real laugh, the one he normally covered up but with the controller in his hand, he just turned away. Such a pity, not that his drunk self would’ve appreciated the view anyway.

“Because you’re driving in the wrong direction,” Dazai told him, clearly trying to stop laughing but failing endearingly.

“Oh,” his younger version said and then turned around but he accidentally turned around 360 degrees therefore continuing to drive in the wrong direction. “You liar! The stupid thing is still there!” And Dazai beside him just lost it, laughing so hard he let go of his controller and hunched in on himself. His younger version saw it and suddenly he was laughing too. Both of them were unable to stop it and real Chuuya grinned, suppressing the laughter that wanted to escape his throat. It took a while for the uncontrollable laughter to die down, it took so long that all the other characters in the game had crossed the finish line already. Dazai just pressed the start menu to exit the race.

“Hey, I could’ve won!” The older teen claimed but it’s not very convincing as he just lied on the couch, eyes almost falling shut, and Dazai chuckled.

“You’re the perfect example that one shouldn’t drive while being under the influence,” the brunet commented as he continued to end the game, already in the game’s main menu.

“I’d never drive while drunk,” his younger version mumbled defensively into the pillow he pushed against his chest, arms surrounding it. Dazai smiled at him, turned off the Switch, and gently petted his head in a mocking way, but his younger version just melted into the touch.

“Of course not, Chibi is responsible after all,” and even though it sounded like sarcasm, it’s a sincere statement. And it’s true: Chuuya never got behind the wheel of any vehicle if even one sip of alcohol was in his system. That would just be irresponsible (it also would be embarrassing to have a member of the port mafia be arrested because he was under the influence while driving) and he hates nothing more than someone causing damage and troubles that could have been avoided if that person didn’t drive while being drunk. Hell, even Dazai didn’t do that. Probably because he knew he was a terrible driver even without having to add anything to the mix and most likely because it would be a stupid way to die. “Seems like you should go to sleep,” he suggested, removing his hand from Chuuya’s head.

“Nooooo,” and real Chuuya didn’t know if the whiny word left his mouth because he mourned the loss of Dazai’s hand in his hair or if he just didn’t want to sleep. Maybe it’s a mixture of both, maybe it’s neither, who can really tell with his drunk younger self. But what he knows is that Dazai thinks his current behavior is adorable. “Movies,” he demands.

“Really? You’re going to fall asleep within the first few minutes. I should just leave, a slug like you needs their beauty sleep,” with that Dazai started to move to stand up from the couch but he wasn’t even able to fully stand as Chuuya’s arms found their way around his torso pulling him back on the couch.

“You have to staaay, it’s your birthday party,” his drunk younger self argued, and honestly, Chuuya didn’t remember it at all. “You even get to decide which movie we’re going to watch.” Dazai’s mind is running wild because Chuuya’s arms are still holding him and now that he’s sitting on the couch again, the older teen is changing his grip and own position on the couch so that he’s leaning against the brunet, arms still around him to keep him in place. Nuzzling his head between Dazai’s shoulder and neck. Every tiny movement Dazai makes immediately results in Chuuya’s arms tightening around the teen just like a snake hugs their prey to death.  As if I’d move away from him, Dazai’s thoughts provide alongside his mushy happy thoughts about the older teen clinging to him and real Chuuya grins a bit.

“Of course, I’m going to decide the movie, after all, you’re going to fall asleep as soon as it starts,” the younger teen teases, while reaching for the remote control to select something on Netflix. He isn’t even looking, he just presses a few buttons until something random starts to play as his eyes are glued to Chuuya.

“I won’t,” his younger version mumbles and it’s not very convincing because he already closed his eyes, arms tightening around the younger teen once more. Dazai just hums as his hand finds its way to Chuuya’s head, carefully massaging his head and Chuuya relaxes with a sigh. The grip around Dazai’s torso is not as tight anymore.

“Seems like the boa constrictor is tired, hm?” The brunet mocked and maybe Chuuya would’ve been pissed but he was already half asleep and Dazai’s thoughts about how he’d happily die crushed by Chuuya’s arms stopped real Chuuya from getting angry at that comment. His younger version mumbles something and it vaguely resembles ‘shitty Dazai’ and the younger teen chuckles. The demon prodigy watches Chuuya sleep, completely ignoring the Netflix show he put on. The TV light hulls them in flashing colors. Light blue and warm red lights were highlighting their forms as they both continue to ignore the source of said light. The quiet voices from the TV are the only sound that echoes through the room until a slight snore accompanies them from time to time. For the first time since Chuuya successfully convinced Dazai to stay on the couch, the brunet stops looking at the older teen to pull out his phone. He opens a chat called ‘Bagle Boys’ and real Chuuya rolls his eyes with a grin. One bad thing about Dazai’s friendship with Albatross was the memes and references.

Me

 So, would an angry person throw someone a late bday party?
 Cause I really have no clue

Odasakuuuuu

Ah, seems like we just found the reason why you aren’t drinking with us right now

Glad you guys made up

Ango

 I don’t think someone angry at you would throw a party.

Me

 Idk

 He’s really indecisive

 And last time he was nice to me, he rudely kicked me out of his apartment

Odasakuuuuu

Was there cake?

Ango

Of course, the first thing you ask is food related.

Me

 Yeah

 He baked a cake and it wasn’t even poisoned!

Ango

He baked for you? He’s not angry.

Odasakuuuuu

Did you receive a present?

 Me

 Yes

Odasakuuuuu

Did you have fun?

Me

 Of course I did, it’s Chuuya! Such a stupid question.

 Normally Ango’s the one to ask them

Ango

Hey!

Odasakuuuuu

Did Chuuya have fun being around you?

“Mhm,” Dazai looks up from his phone to gaze at his younger version’s sleeping form. A smile on his face as he gently pets Chuuya’s head again and as a result, Chuuya seems to melt into the touch. “Did you have fun being around me?” He asks his voice just a whisper that’s swallowed by the voices of the actors that do their best on the TV screen just to be ignored.

Me

 I hope so?

 Hard to tell

“Hard to tell?” Real Chuuya looks at the position their younger selves are in: Dazai sitting on the couch and his younger version clinging to him as if he’d die the second the younger teen moved away. “You can’t be serious, you idiot. ‘Hard to tell’, my ass,” he scoffs.

Ango

Why is it hard to tell?

Me

 Because it’s Chuuya

Odasakuuuuu

Better question: Where are you right now?

Me

 At Chuuya’s

Ango

While texting us? You’re not afraid he’ll read our chat?

Me

 Chibis can’t read

Oh, Chuuya really wanted to punch the bag of bandages.

Also, he’s asleep

Odasakuuuuu

Wait

Why are you there when he’s asleep?

Ango

Please tell me you didn’t break into his apartment to watch him sleep.

There are boundaries.

Me

 Yeah yeah boundaries

 But I told you already: He basically dragged me to his place and then he had like this party prepared

Odasakuuuuu

When you say party…

How many people are there?

Me

 Well, just the microorganism and I

Why?

Ango

…

God, you’re stupid. Are we sure we’re actually texting with Osamu Dazai, the feared demon prodigy?

Me

 Rude

Odasakuuuuu

He does have a point.

Me

 GASP

 ODA! HOW COULD YOU?!

 You’re supposed to be on my side :(

Ango

Okay, let’s sum this mess up: He dragged you to his place, prepared a party for you, the two of you are alone there, he even baked a cake for you, and you really can’t tell if he had fun?

Me

 How am I supposed to know that?!

Odasakuuuuu

Okay different question: If he’s asleep then why are you still in his apartment?

Ango

That’s a good question.

Me

 I wanted to go and he stopped me because  it’s ur bday party u have to staaay

 Then he his arms snug around my torso like a snake trying to suffocate their prey

 So I’m basically dying right now

Odasakuuuuu

…

You’re cuddling?

Ango

And you still can’t tell if he likes being around you?

Me

 The ‘cuddling’ is just alcohol-induced

 If he’s sleepy or drunk he just does that

 I once saw him hug a plant in drunken slumber

Okay, that’s bullshit. Chuuya never hugged a plant. Dazai’s just trying to worm himself out of the conversation because he—

 I have proof!

Proof? Oh no. Real Chuuya watches in horror as Dazai switches to his gallery, opening a folder creatively named ‘Stuff’ and scrolls to a huge amount of pictures. Chuuya tries to focus on the dozens of photographs that move out of the screen so fast. The brunet seemed to have taken a liking to photographing trees of all sorts and at every time of the day. He even had a picture of the tree where the flags observed their parties from. His phone camera didn’t seem to be able to capture the fairy lights in all their glory because they were just different blobs of color in the tree. It could’ve also been a stylistic choice, the vague light dots held a certain kind of aesthetic to them. Besides trees, Dazai photographed clouds in all sorts of shapes and colors. A few even had either sunsets or sunrises. He also tried to capture the night sky as well as he could with a phone camera. He seemed set on collecting every constellation of the endless night sky on the limited storage of his phone. Chuuya recognized a few of them because Dazai pointed at the sky after nightly missions and showed them to him. God, the executive could listen forever to the brunet’s joyful voice explaining every star of each constellation. Dazai bubbly with excitement is just a sight for sore eyes, as he shines brighter than all the stars of the night sky combined. Chuuya smiles as he sees Bellatrix, a star in Orion, shine through the top of a tree. His gaze also catches the horns of Taurus and Cassiopeia shining in all their glory in the shaky photographs that soon leave the screen as Dazai is still scrolling through the gallery. Bridges gracefully stretching over rivers and ocean waves crashing against the shore flew past Chuuya’s gaze. There are also combinations where the same bridge is shown but with the focus on the stars above it and underneath in the river’s reflection or the moon captured on a clearing in the woods. The executive also recognizes that the demon prodigy used a few of these photos as an inspiration to draw. Chuuya can’t exactly remember when his younger self realized that the mackerel liked to draw but as soon as he did, he gifted him a small travel-size aquarelle set with a sketchbook for his next birthday. The amount of pictures seemed endless and Chuuya had to admit that the younger teen was a talented photographer. The executive wondered what the future detective could do with a real camera and not just the sorry excuse his phone provided. He couldn’t linger on that thought because Dazai stopped his scrolling, selected a picture, and sent it to the chat. Chuuya is going to kill him because instead of helping his drunk and sleeping younger self, the bastard took this stupid picture. His picture self was sitting on the floor of some mafia hallway. Between his legs was a big potted plant, Chuuya’s not a gardener but it might be a cypress of some sort. The evergreen plant is surrounded by his arms, his torso leaning into the greenery so his face is thankfully hidden. It’s still clear as day that it’s him because of his attire (the last time he wore this outfit he wasn’t responsible for the gem trade) and the bright red hair that’s peeking through the green of the tree.

Ango

Proof?

Me

[picture was sent into chat]

 See? He just does that when he’s drunk and/or sleepy

Odasakuuuuu

That’s the best picture ever

 Me

 Right?!

Ango

I’m astounded by the fact you are still alive after taking that photograph.

Me

 Just because he isn’t aware it exists-

Ango

Alright, back to our topic: You’re stupid.

Me

 Am not!

Odasakuuuuu

You kinda are but it’s actually rather sweet

So to answer your question: No, an angry person wouldn’t throw you a party like that

So your ‘tiny’ friend is in conclusion not pissed at you

Ango

At least at the moment.

Me

 Are you sure?

Odasakuuuuu

I am but I’m obviously not Chuuya

So just ask him when he wakes up. You wanted to be more open about stuff like this and I’m sure he’ll appreciate it

Me

 Okay. Thanks

"Ask you, hm?" The younger teen's lips form a soft smile as he gently brushes a hair strand out of Chuuya's face. Dazai closes the chat and puts his phone away without taking his gaze off the sleeping teen, who's silently snoring. A few seconds pass until the demon prodigy faces the TV with a sigh. "It's really unbelievable how you can sleep like this," the other mumbles as he carefully pulls a blanket out of the ocean of pillows that are covering the couch and the floor (their Mario Kart tournament was intense). He gently places the blanket over Chuuya and just stares at the TV. Right, Dazai's sleep habits are sporadic and very specific. The younger teen needed to lie down to actually sleep. The exception to that 'rule' is the moment his body craves sleep because then he could sleep everywhere. He wasn't sleep-deprived at the moment so he definitely couldn't sleep on the couch, at least not right now. Real Chuuya smiles a bit because the younger teen could have simply woken him up. But instead of doing that Dazai reaches for the remote and switches whatever was playing out for 'Our Planet'. 

Chapter Text

Real Dazai looks at the TV screen. 'Are you still watching: "Our Planet"?' Mhm, his younger self must have fallen asleep after three episodes of the documentary series. The tiny redhead is carefully removing his hands from his younger version's torso. His movements are incredibly slow and Dazai just smiles at that. Chibi could've just woken him up back then but instead, he's being all adorable and trying to move as silently as possible, succeeding in not waking his younger version. The future executive walks towards the kitchen, his steps lightened by the glow of his ability. He didn't have to sneak around like this. Chuuya’s pulling two mugs out of one of his cupboards as well as a small pot out of another one to fill the latter with milk and put it on the stove. While the milk is heating up, he's pulling a large bowl with pancake dough out of his fridge alongside strawberries and blueberries. Huh. Chibi actually planned to have him stay overnight, didn’t he? The detective slowly moves next to the redhead, watching him oil the pan to put it on the stove next to the milk. While he waited for both stove tops to heat up, he cut the strawberries into slices.

"What are you doing?" His younger self asks and Dazai remembers how afraid he actually was. He simply feared that the last time he stayed over would repeat itself and he really didn't want to be kicked out again. Chuuya looks in his direction and smiles, which eased his younger version a bit.

"Forcing you to eat breakfast for once in your life, that's what I'm doing," he jokes even though it is partially true: Dazai's eating habits are just as chaotic as his sleep schedule and the older teen is well aware of that. "Go, get two plates," he instructs with a lazy hand gesture towards the cupboard said things are in. His younger version gets up and fulfills his little quest, starting to gather what else they need to eat and place it on the small dining table in front of the kitchen. That didn't take long so now he's sitting in the chair in front of his plate and watching Chuuya prepare the rest. The redhead was multitasking through his ability, he sent his younger version a warning glare, as For The Tainted Sorrow started to tilt the pot behind Chuuya's back to let the milk flow into the mugs, it also skillfully flips a pancake in the air, making the younger teen wonder how often Chibi uses his ability like that. Chuuya has finished his task and joins him at the table and as soon as he sits down a plate with stacked pancakes and two big mugs filled with hot milk are landing on the table. The older teen puts a pancake on Dazai’s plate and his own while his younger version mixes the milk with Cocoa powder. He even adds a bit of cinnamon and then finishes it off with whipped cream. He slides the mug towards Chuuya and then they start to eat as a comfortable silence settles between them. His younger version ate three fluffy pancakes with lots of berries even though he was already full after the first one but Chuuya made so many that he felt obligated to eat more. That was probably Chuuya's plan all along.

"Are you still mad?" His younger version finally asks, casually sipping on his hot chocolate to give off the impression of indifference even though he was very nervous. Chuuya stares at him, hand halfway to his mouth with another bite of the pancake (his fifth pancake! How could such a tiny person eat so much?), and stops midair for a few seconds.

"Do you really think I would have done all this if I were mad at you?" The tiny microorganism questions and yeah, from an outsider’s perspective it must be pretty stupid to even ask that in the first place but he was so in his head back then (and still is most of the time) that he just needed the other to clarify it. His younger version starts to pick at the edges of his bandages, getting rid of fuzz to give his hand something to do while his mind is just rehearsing any bad outcome this conversation might have.

"You did kick me out last time," he remarks, avoiding eye contact with Chuuya, "so are you going to do that now?" The older teen slowly lowers his hand until the fork hits the plate with a clattering sound. He stares at his younger version, pushing his back against the chair as he crosses his arms, and continues to silently stare, narrowing his eyes a bit. Dazai very vividly remembers how his younger self wanted to die back then. Silent Chuuya is always dangerous, especially if he looks as serious as now.

"Do you want me to?" It's not a threat, it's a surprisingly calm question and rather softly spoken. Chuuya's gaze also isn't as hard anymore as he waits for an answer.

"No!" Is his way too fast reply and his younger self looked at Chuuya instead of trying to distract himself from his thoughts. "It's just that you've been avoiding me for so long and then you do this and it's all just so confusing," he expresses because Odasaku is right: His younger self wanted to be more open, and thus he will start right here even if it's hard and it feels like he's chewing on glass as he forces the words out of his mouth. "Because nothing changed between you punching my face and now. I just don't understand why you're doing this," he explains and it was so hard for his younger self to confess that he didn't understand it. It made him so vulnerable, shows that he'd been thinking about it for a while and there's nothing worse than not knowing the answer to all those questions his overactive mind provided. Chuuya uncrosses his arms, to lean his underarms on the table.

"You're right, nothing changed," Chuuya breaks the short silence, "I've just realized something: You could've done this anytime you wanted. You could've always asked Mori for a new mission or extra paperwork. So why didn't you? I assume it's all part of one of your stupid masterplans like the one you pulled when I punched you. I certainly don't appreciate that you don't tell me what's going on and what you have planned in that overrated head of yours but I'll just stick it out," Chuuya seemingly ends his little speech, picking up his fork to finally have that pancake bite. As he chews, he points the fork at Dazai and swallows: "You can do all the missions you want, because, at the end of the day, those extra points will do you nothing for I am sure to become an executive before you. Without any extra points," he emphasizes before he continues eating his pancake. Dazai's younger version is just looking at the other teen, slowly shaking his head in amazement. Chuuya is insane and Dazai can't help but love him even more for it.

"So, we're good? Despite me doing possible extra missions in the future?" His younger version needs to confirm this to calm his mind. He watched Chuuya roll his eyes while trying to suppress a smile. Luckily, he failed so Dazai can appreciate the way the corner of his lips move up to a beautiful smile.

"Yeah, this is my way of showing you it is, we're good," he states and then his smile turns into a smirk: "As good as we normally are." Chuuya stretches his leg under the table to be able to lightly kick his younger version in the shin. A chuckle escapes his younger version's throat and he smiles.

"Wouldn't change anything about it," is the last thing Dazai hears his younger self say as the memory fates into the white abyss. He's not even angry. He got to see the birthday party Chuuya organized for him and saw the older teen cling to him once more. Honestly, he's astounded that Arahabaki let him witness the memory for this long but who is he to question a god, he thinks as a mocking grin forms on his lips.

"It's my turn to ask: Are you planning to murder me?" Chuuya’s younger version mocks just as a tree branch slaps his arm. "Tough luck with that, we both know you don't stand a chance against me," he remarks as he effortlessly breaks the twig that slapped him in half.

"Always so humble," the bastard comments and continues to hum an unfamiliar tune while he walks in front of his younger version.

"The truth doesn't need to be humble," he counters. They've been sent on a small mission right after they established they're on good terms again. The mission was ridiculously easy. It was almost an insult to let them do it. Right after they'd finished it, Dazai pointed at the forest they were walking by, saying that he wanted to show him something, and now real Chuuya is following both teens as they hike through the forest. They've been walking for at least fifteen minutes now.

"We're here," the younger teen announces, standing a few feet away from him.

"I swear to god, if you dragged me all the way up here to show me a 'perfect river to drown in' you won't be needing that river to end your life," Chuuya’s younger self mumbles, trying to not trip over some roots and mackerel just laughs in response.

"No, don't worry it's not a river, it's actually the opposite."

"Did you-"

"I did not set the forest on fire."

"What else would you mean by ‘opposite’?" Chuuya's younger self wonders aloud as he finally reaches the spot Dazai wanted to show him just to stop moving. Gravestones. Five Gravestones. Real Chuuya is focusing on Dazai while his younger counterpart is overwhelmed by the implications. Mackerel is just watching Chuuya, his nervousness is exponentially rising with every passing second. Was this a stupid idea? He's not saying anything. Silent Chuuya is scary, and similar thoughts race through his head, so he decided to explain the situation.

"Mori wanted to put them with the others fallen in the cemetery near the mountains," the demon prodigy starts, looking everywhere but Chuuya because his silence is freaking the younger teen out. "I think they deserve more than such a mass cemetery for fallen mafioso. So I pulled a few strings to get them here. It's a good place for them, right near their party spot so they can still supervise it all." Dazai's gaze was anywhere but on Chuuya. God, the younger teen was so nervous. His younger version was looking through the trees right past Dazai and saw the car peek through them in the distance. "Besides, they are too important for us to be lying somewhere in the middle of nowhere, they were our friends, well, more your friends than mine but they are important so I—" Dazai gets interrupted the moment young Chuuya throws himself at the demon prodigy. Arms holding on to him and his face buried in the other’s shoulder. "Eh," is the only thing leaving Dazai's mouth as his mind is trying to figure out why Chuuya is hugging him without being drunk or sleepy. Real Chuuya thinks it's adorable how this small gesture makes the other’s mind go into overdrive, calculating any outcome just to miss the real intention: gratitude.

"Thank you," is softly spoken into the shoulder and that seems to give the right interpretation to Dazai, he finally starts to wrap his arms around his younger version to return the embrace. They stay like this and Dazai seems to be weighing whether Chuuya needs comfort or he would rather be alone. But before he can start to move his hand in soothing circles over the other’s back - because that is what people do, right? - they get interrupted. It starts slow and the raindrops have a hard time reaching them while they're standing under the tree tops but suddenly the wind is blowing and the rain gets heavier. "Let's get going," Chuuya says as he breaks away from Dazai.

"Yeah, we should, otherwise I have to deal with the stench of a wet dog," the younger teen teases and it earns him a weak kick to the shin. It's that moment that the weather decides to fuck all their plans to stay dry because the rain starts to pour and thunder roars above them. They look at each other and then sprint toward the old Mustang. The rain has soaked them completely when they reach it.

"Can't you do that faster," Chuuya complains as Dazai is picking the lock of the car with the hairpins he hides in his bandages.

"I already did but the door is stuck, I can't open it," he explains while pulling the door handle.

"Step aside," Chuuya commands and the younger teen does without questioning him. Chuuya grabs the door handle, pulls it lightly, consolidates his stance, and then executes a quick movement with a lot of power in it. The door bursts open with an unpleasant sound, small rust filters fly through the area but are stopped by Chuuya's ability. "And that's how you fucking do it," he brags with a grin in Dazai's direction before he climbs into the car and over the console to slide down into the passenger seat. The demon prodigy follows him, sits down in the driver’s seat, and pulls the door shut. Real Chuuya just sits down on the console between the seats. It's not comfortable but at least he can see their expressions this way. "How long do you think we're stuck here?"

"I'd say we wait until the thunderstorm moves away from us and right now it's..." A flash of lightning shines in the sky draped with dark clouds and Dazai doesn't get to count out loud as the thunder follows the lightning almost directly. "Above us," he ends his sentence with a sigh. "Let's hope it moves fast." They both look out of the windshield and can only guess that they are surrounded by trees, as the rain blurs the surroundings with all the drops that hit the windshield every second. The sound of the rain hitting the windows fills the silence between them. They just look through the windows as if they could make the storm move away by starting a staring contest, which they would lose anyway due to the blurred vision.

"So," his younger version starts trying to get Dazai's attention, and even though he sounds somewhat timid he succeeds immediately as the younger teen moves his gaze from the windshield to face him within a second. "After I punched you in the face, I said some nasty things and I..." He pauses, his gaze going past Dazai into the blur of green of the forest as his hand finds its way to the back of his neck, rubbing over it a bit to force himself to say the next words even though it's hard for him to admit he reacted too strongly back then. "I just wanted to tell you-" he interrupts himself, closing his eyes briefly, cursing his own self in his mind because it's so stupid that it's so hard to say the words and when he opens his eyes again he's looking directly into Dazai's. "I should never have denied you your humanity like that. If someone had said that to me, I would have snapped because- well, you know why. So I threw that at you because I wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry for saying no one would believe you're human." Real Chuuya expected a tsunami of thoughts from the younger teen but his mind was as quiet as the bottom of a swimming pool.

"It's okay," the future detective said after a while and the silence in his mind is freaking Chuuya out.

"No, it's not," his younger self insists because it wasn't 'okay' and Dazai shouldn't just shrug it off like that. Hell, real Chuuya knew that the comment hurt the younger boy so why was he so indifferent about it? "It was fucking shitty."

"Not that my behavior was any better." And Chuuya finally understands why Dazai is so weirdly quiet: He never really received apologies. The only person that ever truly apologized to him was Albatross and back then Dazai was also this weirdly calm about it. "We already established that we're good, right?"

"Yeah, we did, you're right," his younger self smiles. "We're good. I just wanted to let you know I regret saying that, you know?" Dazai nods with a small smile.

"I appreciate it," he answers and their conversation dies down, a pleasant silence disturbed only by the rain. Only now does Chuuya notice that the loud pattering of the rain has faded into the background during their conversation because now that he thinks about it, they had to talk relatively loudly to each other at the time to understand each other at all. And that shows that the other teen truly appreciated the apology even if he's not used to receiving them.

"Hey," Chuuya once again tried to start a conversation and Dazai looked at him expectantly, the rain sound once again tuned out as he focused his full attention on his younger version. "I wanted to ask that for a while now and then I didn't because I was angry at you," his younger self looks stubbornly out of the window, he doesn't want to face the other teen while approaching this topic even though he knew the younger would take him seriously. "But how do I- what does it look like when I go all out?"

"You mean when you use corruption?"

"Corruption?" He questions now turning his head towards the other.

"It looks like Arahabaki corrupts you with the dark red swirls that crawl over your body," the younger teen says. "I just assumed that you're reduced to a viewer of your own movements, so I thought it would be a fitting name but like if you hate it-" Finally Chuuya can hear the other’s thoughts again, which are panicking because: Why did I name it? He hates it! I'm in no position to even put a name on it so why did I do that?! He overthinks everything as usual.

"No, it's quite fitting, because it is like you say: I just watch what happens and sometimes I can't see anything. It's weird," his younger version states. "So, back to my question: What do I look like? If you think I'm corrupted then I must look like some uncanny-valley manifestation, right?"

"Uncanny what?" Dazai asks while tilting his head to the side and god, it's so adorable it should be prohibited. Real Chuuya knows that twenty-two-year-old Dazai is well aware of how stupidly hot he is, but this younger version doesn't understand how cute and innocent he looks with the doe eyes and the confused tilt. When real Dazai uses this expression it's faked most of the time and he knows how annoyingly attractive he looks while doing that. It should be a crime.

"Don't play dumb," his younger self scoffs, completely blind to the beautiful sight his eyes are blessed with. "You know what I mean." Dazai slowly shakes his head and Chuuya looks at him concluding that he really doesn't understand what he's referring to.

"Well, it’s this theoretical gap between humanoid robots and real humans. Like the more human-like a robot looks the more icky you are feeling about it, because you know it's not human and-", he tries to explain it as best as he can, just to be interrupted.

"Stop," Dazai pleads to him with an almost desperate edge. And real Chuuya listens to his loud and somewhat panicky thoughts. He's talking about Arahabaki and his self-perception is completely distorted. How can he think he is only human-like? When he doubts it I have to make him understand that he is a human being until he just has to believe me! Real Chuuya smiles, he vividly remembers their talk in the car and he can't put into words how much it means to him. Dazai is going to speak so appreciatively and lovingly that Chuuya's younger version is tearing up a bit, not being used to someone talking so goodly about him. "You're human."

"We don't know that!" His younger self yells, pissed that Dazai just brushes him off like that. This whole issue is like an exposed nerve for him, always present and the pain is so strong that you can never quite get used to it. He has no choice but to grit his teeth and live with it. No surgery can remove the nerve, only the certainty of whether he is human or a clone could ease the throbbing pain.

"You're right," Dazai appeases and his younger self is astounded. He had firmly believed that the younger one would argue with him so that he just agreed in such an unspectacular manner eased him into confused silence. "Look, I don't pretend to know what goes on in your head. I can only imagine how this topic eats you up, but there's one thing I know," he makes a little artificial pause because Dazai's dramatic like that, and maybe he does it to sort his thoughts. His mind is remembering what Oda and Ango said to him and he's determined to pour his heart into the conversation even if he's uncertain how it's going to end. "You're the most humane person I know."

"Don't lie," his younger self counters, disappointed. He really hoped Dazai would take him seriously.

"I'm not lying. I would never lie to you while talking about this topic," the younger teen reassures, his voice calm as he slowly lets his gaze wander from Chuuya's eyes to the windshield with every word that leaves his mouth. "Back then when we faced Guvire and I told you what was at stake, what you'd lose if you said that phrase, you just did it. I gave you two minutes which was ridiculously short considering the gravity of your decision, and you? You just took off within seconds, sacrificing your identity for the sake of the world. No one I know would've done that, especially not in such a short period of time. Hell, I tried to come up with a different plan because I didn't want you to make this big sacrifice. But you were gone within like ten seconds so it leaves me dumbfounded that you doubt your humanity at all. You're so painfully human in everything you do, the way you get angry to protect the ones you deem worthy of your loyalty, which are far too many people because you're just like that, so you, so Chuuya and sometimes I look at you and see all the humanity I lack and it's so frustrating to see you doubt it. I wish I could make you believe me, I'd wish you see yourself the way I do and—" Dazai stops his heartfelt speech head turning towards the older teen. While the demon prodigy did really pour his heart into his words, he couldn't look at Chuuya while saying it and the reason why he does it now is the little sniffle he heard. Chuuya's younger version actually stared at the brunet in fazed amazement because he couldn't believe that out of all the people he knows the kid who shot a dead body like a maniac is the first one to bring him to tears like this. Through simple words. It's the first time anyone took the time to analyze him like that, the first time that someone tells him he got something others don't, without reducing him to his ability. He just can't help but tear up and stubbornly stare out of the windshield again, so his tears go unnoticed. Honestly, it's ridiculous that Dazai even heard his sniffle, the rain was still so loud it shouldn't have been possible. "Chuuya?" And his younger self turns his head further away from the brunet.

"Is the thunderstorm moving away?" His voice is a bit wobbly, most people wouldn't notice it and real Chuuya looks at Dazai who has to realize what is actually happening because he is always able to reorganize little changes in his voice or behavior and sees a soft smile on his face.

"Probably, we have to wait for the next lightning to be sure though," and with that Dazai's gaze focused on the sky as he rightfully guessed that Chuuya doesn't want to talk right now. A lightning flashes through the dark and Dazai starts to count. Thunder roars through the night. "Mhm, it did move away but we should wait for the next lightning," and so they do, while his younger version slightly sniffles and silently prays that he can finally step outside so the younger teen couldn't see his tears through the heavy rain. The future detective waits for the next flash of light and counts again. "Yeah, it's safe to go, the thunderstorm is roughly eleven kilometers away," he says and opens the door, and he moves outside, not looking back to give Chuuya the privacy he needs right now. Opening his arms to embrace the rain, laughing as the water drops hit his face, drenching his clothes and bandages once again. It must be a shitty feeling to have soggy bandages stick to his body but Dazai doesn't complain. His younger version finally manages to climb out of the car letting the rain hit his face to wash his tear streaks away.

"Wanna race towards the city?" The brunet yells against the loud storm with a big grin. It's Dazai's way of lifting Chuuya's spirtit again and it's so cute. "No abilities and the winner gets to shower first at your place!" And with that the younger teen runs off, laughing as Chuuya chases after him.

"It's your fault!" Chibi blames him while slamming the door to his apartment shut. "Now, don't fucking move, I'll get us towels," he urged as he uses his ability to fly towards the bathroom so he doesn't stain his floor. 

"I didn't force you to copy my genius idea," Dazai's younger self responds without a care in the world. The 'genius idea' his younger self was referring to was rather stupid. They had their little race, stumbling through the forest, trying not to trip and yelling insults at each other. Everything was fine until they reached the end of the forest, because from then on there was only a grassy landscape in front of them, which became muddy and slippery due to the rain. These are the best conditions to slide down a hill, so his younger self accelerated briefly and then he made a small jump and consolidated his footing. This way he was much faster than Chuuya, which he also told him with a 'bye loser'. However, Chuuya just matched him and so they both surfed down the hill, at least until Dazai tripped over something and Chuuya fell over him at full speed resulting in them both rolling down the rest of the hill. It hurt like hell and they had so many bruises from their little stunt, but all they did was laugh until they couldn't breathe anymore, laying next to each other in the mud, the last raindrops washing their faces and while they tried to get their breathing under control again. It was chaotic and messy and perfect. Dazai wouldn't have traded this for anything else and Chibi is just embarrassed because Ane-san saw him completely soaked and covered in mud from head to toe. The elegant woman happened to be in the same store the two teens went into to buy new bandages for Dazai. When Chuuya caught sight of Ane-san after they paid, he grabbed Dazai's wrist and ran off without a thought for his change, ignoring the feminine voice that called for him to come back.

"It was stupid!"

"If it's so stupid why did you copy-" his younger self gets interrupted by the towel the older teen threw at him.

"Just fucking shower."

"Oh, so you admit that I won?"

The memory fades away and real Dazai is just happy he got to see their little bet. Also, and way more important, he got to see Chuuya's teared-up and deeply touched expression. If twenty-two-year-old Chuuya would cry like that in front of him, he'd wipe away the tears and happily kiss it all better, just to end up in a hospital because the feisty mafioso wouldn't be as happy about it. And Dazai quietly considers if the broken bones would be worth it, while the white nothingness surrounds him once more. 

Chapter Text

Damn, they spent a lot of their free time in the arcade. Chuuya lost count of how many arcade memories he saw long ago. They're betting as usual on who'd win the round and the next three and the next five and so on. Right now, real Chuuya was following the teenagers through the city headed in the direction of Chuuya's apartment. His younger version was sulking because he once again lost the bet against the brunet, the wager was that the loser had to cook for the winner, and of course, Dazai made a comment about Chuuya being 'a true maid' which earned him a hard kick. But a bet is a bet and so Chuuya admitted his defeat and let the younger teen drag him to the nearest supermarket to buy all the ingredients they'd need. Even though his younger version acted embarrassed and annoyed, he was glad because at least he could make sure Dazai ate a healthy meal, which felt like a win to Chuuya.

"No way!" Chuuya shakes his head, a somewhat shocked expression on his face. Real Dazai is sitting on the little table that stands in front of Chuuya's couch. The younger versions are sitting on the couch, both having their backs against each armrest, legs bent so they could face each other. His younger self is grinning from ear to ear, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he nods his head energetically.

"It's true! I saw it with my own eyes and now I have to bleach them," Dazai states, making a grimace of disgust and Chuuya starts to laugh. It's so beautiful and loud. A hand slaps his knee as he hunches over, his eyes closed and his mouth wide open, showing off his perfect teeth. No hand covering anything, because why would Chuuya do that? The sun doesn't need to hide, and like the distant star still lightens the world, Chuuya's laugh always brightens his mood. Gossiping with the redhead was insanely rewarding because the smaller teen was so invested in anything that happens around him. Just telling him what happened to some poor unfortunate soul made him feel with their fate, turning his face into a cabinet of emotions so open and easy to read that Dazai could write hundreds and thousands of books dedicated to each expression. They would sell for a high price, especially his expressions that are filled with impulsive rage, making the older teen look so gorgeously alive, and his laugh? No money in the world could be weighed against it. "I closed the door but the image is burned right into my brain, unable to ever forget about the disgusting things I saw," he dramatizes because Chuuya usually lost his composure when he did, incapable of stopping the fits of laughter and giggles that would flow out of his mouth. And it worked.

"Did they notice you?" The tiny redhead asks after he calms down, voice a bit wheezing, wiping away a small tear that left his eye due to all the joy he felt at Dazai's misery.

"I hope not, otherwise Mori is going to have the talk with me and I don't really want that conversation to happen; ever," his younger version looks terrified at the idea. It's faked because Mori did have that conversation with him long ago, saying that one should use all the advantages they got, including sexual skills. Sex is nothing but a tool for manipulation, at least if one asks Mori, which would be a horrible decision, really. And Dazai did see it that way too: Sex is nothing more than a transaction. He used to gain information by seducing the right people. He even slept with a nurse just to get his phone back not too long ago. But Chuuya forced him to watch his stupid predictable rom-coms and they did include a few sex scenes. Well, hinted at sex scenes, which was kinda awkward to watch together but it showed him a new, better kind of sex with so much emotion where all that matters was the pleasure and the closure and the emotions of the lovers. The thing he used as mere transaction was being portrayed as so intimate and loving that he felt betrayed and used, it was a realization that made him feel disgusted with himself. From then on his younger self desired the intimacy seen on the TV screen but he also feared it. Being so open, so vulnerable in front of someone was a scary concept and his sixteen-year-old mind decided that if he ever would have real emotional sex with someone it could only ever be Chuuya. He trusted the older teen, he had (and still has) a huge crush on the redhead and he just knows that Chuuya would be a great lover. It was a dangerous thought back then and it's even more dangerous now. They're on different sides and the major issue: Chuuya doesn't want him that way, and would never think of him as someone he'd want to have sex with, especially not loving sex.

"Ane-san actually had the talk with me and I didn't even walk in on her!" Chibi complains to him, sculpting his hair in a way that roughly resembles Kouyou's hairstyle. "Always use protection, you hear me, lad?" Chuuya mimics her voice insanely well so his younger self puts a hand in front of his mouth hiding his laugh immediately because it's such an ugly sound. It's so loud and just utterly disgusting with that stupid little whistle because, of course, he couldn't have perfect teeth like Chuuya. He hates it. "The mafia doesn't need teen pregnancies, don't you dare to impregnate a girl, and it's also for your safety! Sexual diseases are very unpleasant, to say the least." But Chuuya doesn't seem to share his opinion on his laugh. The older teen is looking at him, a genuine smile on his face and his eyes seem to soften. He's not covering his ears, not telling Dazai to stop that awful noise; no, he looks weirdly happy about the annoying sound that is leaving his mouth.

Chuuya still can't believe that Dazai walked in on Mori fucking the news-report girl. His younger self couldn't watch the news for a week straight because Dazai felt the need to share everything he saw so they'd both suffer from it. Right now their younger selves were sitting on the couch (like they almost always did), chips and other snacks in front of them.

"So what are you making me watch without being able to complain about it?" The brunet wants to know, disappointed that he actually lost the bet they made, because he surely had some disturbing video he wanted Chuuya to watch.

"Just shut up and look at the screen," his younger self replies, feeling a bit nervous about the movie he wants to watch but he's going through with it. He starts Netflix and selects the genre.

"Oh no, please, I'm begging you anything but those stupid predictable—," Dazai starts to complain, turning his head to Chuuya, trying to use his stupid doe-eyes to change his mind.

"No complaining allowed. You agreed to all conditions of the bet and lost, now suck it up," Chuuya focused his gaze on the TV to avoid looking at Dazai. His stupid pout somehow confused his younger self and real Chuuya realized that he fell in love with the idiot long before he put a name on it.

"I'm not allowed to complain once the movie starts," the brunet corrects, sulking because Chuuya is refusing to look at him. "But you haven't chosen how to torture me yet, so I get to complain as loud as I want." The demon prodigy crosses his arms in front of his chest while he contemptuously watches Chuuya click through the movie selection.

"Well, then you can shut up now," his younger self demands as he finally starts a movie, while real Chuuya enjoys the thoughts Dazai has. He's tearing the plot apart, making comments in his head and it's quite entertaining. And Chuuya always suspected that Dazai had fun, he's pretty sure the younger teen lost all of their bets regarding movies on purpose because he didn't want to admit that he liked the genre; so adorable. The thing his younger version regretted was that the movie did include a sex scene, well it was mostly hinted at, the lovers kissing, moving to the bedroom while losing their clothes, naked skin on naked skin, but the action skillfully hidden behind the cinematography and different props. His younger self did suffer through the sex-ed talk Ane-san forced upon him but he still couldn't watch it, turning his head to the side, cheeks flushed. But Dazai? His eyes were glued to the screen, somewhat confused and his mind strangely empty. Real Chuuya didn't know what he should think about that.

“I only hear his voice whilst using Corruption and for like a day after I used it,” his younger version answers Dazai's sudden question. The topic was still a sore spot and he could hear Dazai's panicked thoughts that cursed himself out for even asking in the first place. Honestly, after their talk in the car, the younger teen could ask him anything about Arahabaki. Chuuya felt safe talking about it, knowing Dazai wouldn't dare to make fun of him.

“Well, how is talking to a literal god, Chibi?”
 
“Annoying as hell. He’s all like: Destroy this, devour that, and fear me, mortal. It’s exhausting most of the time”, his younger self says before taking a sip from his wine. God, he loved their late-night talks. They usually occurred after long missions or after they spend the evening watching movies or playing games. It was turning into a habit and he missed those honest talks. He missed it all.
 
“So sometimes he’s alright?” Dazai had concluded because of course he does see through anything Chuuya says to him.
 
“He loves gossip," his younger self admits. "Our trash talks are his highlights. He started to tell me how annoying the other gods used to be and that he’s glad he doesn’t have to talk to them anymore. He's such a drama queen, it’s fun,” he laughed and real Chuuya heard all the little thoughts Dazai had about his beautiful laugh that, in his words, outshines the sun which is so corny and clichéd. God, the rom-com movies did make the compliments the brunet thought about really cheesy; Chuuya loved it. By far the cutest thought the brunet had was that he's determined to always gossip to Chuuya after the older teen used corruption. “You know, I think you two would get along, since you're both annoying and the biggest drama queens I know.”
 
“Rude,” Dazai sulked, but the sly little idiot was actually really happy about the implication his younger self made about having fun around him. Adorable. "But while we're on the topic," the brunet grinned, "did you know Ane-san has a secret admirer?"

"Oh my god, you know who it is? Ane-san is so pissed off by it!" His younger self exclaims, his voice being way too loud for the late hour but he just couldn't bring himself to care back then because holy shit, he was talking about the admirer with Ane-san the other day. He slams his wineglass a bit too powerful on the table, making the liquid swirl dangerously close to the edge with a few drops landing on the table but Chuuya didn't realize it. He was looking at Dazai who was a bit flashed by the older's mood change. "You have to tell me who it is!"

"You really think you want to know?" The brunet teases, eyes sparkling with mirth, clearly enjoying all the attention Chuuya is giving him.

"Spit it out already!"

"Okay, okay, it's..." He makes a dramatic pause which he uses to make a disgusted grimace as he spits out the name of that piece of scum: "Ace."

"What," his younger self uttered, voice dangerously low, eyes narrowing. "How dare that scum harass Ane-san!" He yells, anger dissorting every facial feature. "I'm going to-" He is already jumping off the couch to go fight that scumbag who dared to write such disgusting letters to Ane-san. Before he can leave the apartment, Dazai grabs his wrist.

"Nothing, Chuuya, you're going to do nothing," he urged, his tone serious, and his grip iron-like. His younger self could get out of the hold anytime though.

"But he-"

"He is a disgrace to the mafia, yes, but he's also an executive," the demon prodigy reminds him. "We can't do anything against him." He let go of Chuuya's wrist, sensing the other wouldn't do anything impulsive.

"Dazai, he is harassing Ane-san. I can't just do nothing about it," he responds with a desperate edge to his voice.

"We can't do anything." And Chuuya remembers how betrayed he felt back then, how disappointed he was because he thought Dazai would have a plan to get their vengeance on the piece of scum but instead, he was telling him it wasn't possible. His eyes look at the younger teen dismayed, disapproving words on his tongue. Before he can say anything, the brunet beats him to it: "Well, except to mess with his hair products and clothes, and adjust each of his clocks to be three minutes late for every meeting," he lists all the things he has done, his hands raised in a guilt-rejecting gesture and an innocent smile on his face, betrayed only by the insolent expression in his eyes.

"The pink hair color... that was you?" His younger self asks, surprised and happy at the misfortune the executive has to go through because it's what he fucking deserves. He was so glad that Dazai was the scheming bastard he is. God, he admired the younger teen so much at that moment. 

"Well, he wrote how much he adored Ane-san's eyeshadow, didn't he? So I thought he would appreciate having the same color in his hair. How was I supposed to know he'd hate it?" Dazai questioned, forging confusion, but his cocky expression deceived him; and it was such a good look on him. "But aside from my little pranks, I can't do much. It was tough to pull all this off without him being able to blame his poor workers," the teen admitted. "So I would suggest that you simply tell Ane-san who her suitor is and until she confronts him with it we can play around a bit longer...I think his hair would look very good in purple, don't you agree?" A sly grin is on Dazai's lips as he asks for Chuuya's opinion and the older teen just mimics it with a nod ready for chaotic mayhem. No one harasses our big sister and gets away with it, Dazai thinks with murderous intentions as they start to plan how they make Ace suffer and real Chuuya is pleasantly surprised by the thought. A smile formed on his face. Ane-san is their big sister and she takes care of them so fucking no one is allowed to look at her the wrong way. She's strong and Chuuya's sure that she put Ace in his place without hesitation. Still, he can't help but protect her, she's family to him. His younger self didn't expect that Dazai felt the same protectiveness about the older woman.

"Damn right!" His voice is loud and filled with pride as a smirk finds its way on his face. Their younger versions can't hear him but that's alright.

Real Dazai is currently in Ane-san's office, sitting on one of the dangerously comfortable chairs, watching the elegant woman talk with Chuuya while they both sip their tea out of fancy cups. Chibi just told the elegant woman who her unwanted admirer is and he also told her the little things Dazai did.

"That little prankster," Ane-san grins amused with a proud expression in her eyes. "And you're going to keep pranking him until I confront him, yes?" Chuuya nods eagerly. "Mhm, it's truly unfortunate that I have so many appointments, don't you think? I certainly won't be able to make room for putting Ace in his place until Monday next week."

"Truly unfortunate," the tiny redhead parrots with a grin. "Say, what color would suit him the best?"

"He hates brown so I think the color would look great on him," Ane-san suggests, grinning until she sees the displeased expression Chuuya makes. "What is it, lad?" She asks concerned, grin dropped as she lowers her teacup.

"Dazai's hair is brown," he mutters, "I don't want that scumbag to have his hair color." Ane-san looks at him, eyes wide with surprise and then she lowly chuckles. Dazai is just dying right now. How could Chuuya say something so innocent and adorable? He must be dead and by some mistake of higher entities misplaced in heaven. There's no other explanation for Chuuya's cute behavior and the teen doesn't even realize the impact of his sentence, all the implications hidden in his simple statement.

"You're right," the older woman reassures, a knowing look on her face but she doesn't comment on Chuuya's behavior as she continues their topic and the memory fades away.

"Just think about it!" Dazai is trying to convince him that they should create their own codes instead of using the mafia ones. "It would be so much fun!"

"How the fuck would it be fun?" His younger version responds, eyes still focused on the paperwork he's doing.

"We'd be done with missions way faster," now Chuuya does send the bastard a glare because he is supposed to write a report but instead he keeps going on and on about inventing their own code. His younger version thought the mafia codes were already fast and efficient, god, he's so wrong about it that it hurts real Chuuya. Also, Dazai's right, it's way more fun to see the confusion in his enemy’s eyes while saying things like 'fake flower's lie'. 

"We'd be done with this paperwork faster if you would fucking write the report already!"

"Think about it," the bag of bandages completely ignored his little outburst. "We can add more strategies and we can name them however we want! That is going to confuse our enemies which makes it less boring," then he looks at his younger version with an innocent expression on his face as he uses his final argument: "You could also use verses of your favorite poems, you know?" Now Chuuya's intrigued, finally putting his pen down to put his attention fully on the nuisance in front of him.

"You always make fun of poems though," he narrows his eyes and Dazai smiles at him.

"I'll stop if you agree to create codes with me," he singsongs and Chuuya agrees way too fast. They start to list any attack combination, any strategy that could be useful, and come up with names and phrases Chuuya dutiful documents on paper. He is going to burn it after memorizing any single item on that list. And as if their own code system wasn't enough already the brunet insisted that he'd learn Morse-Code because it certainly would come in handy one day. Well, the bastard wasn't wrong. It was rather useful to be able to communicate like that.

They're on a mission using their own codes for the first time and Chibi did really look like he had fun watching the ability user they're up against gazing at them in utter confusion. His younger self thinks it's best if they lured the opponent into false safety whereas the tiny redhead thinks it's best to just flatten him to the ground and since their speaking in code it sounds like this:

"A tip of bone torn from its flesh" - his genius plan

"Sound of a brook comes down" - Chibi's stupid plan

"There’s no shine to it" -him, trashing Chuuya's idiotic plan

"The water running from a spout" - his dog barking useless strategies

"It’s the days of our lives" – him insisting

"O unknown fire bursting in air!" - Chuuya, kindly telling him to fuck off but then: "Tightrope walker in between old stones," he finally agrees. It's so much fun confusing their enemies and he never would admit it but he actually adored the poem verses Chuuya used for their codes. It's a shame they don't get to use them nowadays. Apart from them being on different sides now, it was also not as important anymore. They grew up and didn’t need to speak in full code anymore, the simple phrases were enough, no need for full-blown conversations. But Dazai still misses those moments. It’s their version of inventing codes to write each other notes in class like normal kids would do, just that their codes ended with a lot of dead people.

Chuuya would never admit it but the verses he used for the code were from his own poems. He wasn't good at it since it was just a hobby, filling an empty piece of paper with words that rhymed and were colorful in their own way was just his escape. It was a coping mechanism, hell, he even wrote a few poems about Dazai. Okay, he didn't write a few, he lost count of how many pages he filled with words dedicated to the younger teen. The rhymes are safely locked away where the brunet would never look for them: Between the paperwork stacks of Chuuya's apartment. Their younger selves were done with the mission way faster than they had ever been before and decided to celebrate in the arcade.

If you would ask Chuuya how often Dazai and he used to go to the arcade he would've told you that they didn't go there that often. And he would've been a liar 'cause holy shit Chuuya can't recall challenging each other to arcade games almost daily. Honestly, the executive could name every single game they played because he watched those memories over and over again. If they weren't betting on slightly different things each time and talking about varying themes he would've assumed to be stuck in a loop. But because he already saw countless memories about them in the arcade, he knew something was off in the current one. They were alone. No one was in the whole arcade which was never the case before. No other players, no employees, just them. Their younger selves seemed unbothered by it, concentrating on their games and also not realizing the weird lighting the place had. It seemed so much brighter than usual. Apart from that they had also jumps in time but not the ones that happened to show him a new memory, no, weird jumps that didn't seem to do much and were random. Just what the fuck was going on? Dazai's memory was dangerously accurate so why did it fail now? Chuuya concluded that it could be the ability being weird because maybe Dazai found a way out of it trying to get to him. Yeah, that's the most logical explanation so he just has to wait while the bandage waster is trying to pull him out of the ability. All he has to do is wait; easy and boring.

"You cheated!" His younger self accuses him as he stares at the 'you lost' screen, his hands slamming down on each side of the machine as Dazai just laughs.

"I didn't, you're just a sore loser!" The brunet mocked him with a teasing grin and his younger self jumped over the arcade games to stand right next to Dazai, starting to inspect the other's arcade machine.

"Am not! We're switching machines!" His younger self demands and when the mackerel doesn't move he's shoving him around until he's standing in front of the console. "There, tough luck beating me now, asshole!"

"As if I need luck for that, Chibi," the other singsongs, "you're so tiny, you probably can't reach the controls and that's why you keep losing~"

"You ass!" Suddenly his younger self is gripping the other’s collar, yanking him down, "I'm still growing!" Yeah, sadly not that much, which sucked since Dazai is such a fucking beanpole. Dazai grins down at him.

"My curse can not be broken," the bastard reminds him of their first meeting, "Therefore, you’ll stay like this forever and there's nothing you can do about it." There’s a smirk on his face as he leans a bit farther down and real Chuuya's a bit confused because his younger self didn't punch that stupid smirk out of the other’s face like he usually would've done by now.

"Yeah?" His younger version mimics the other’s smirk, teasing tone, which -again- was a bit out of character for them because he would've kicked or punched the idiot already. "Watch me." Chuuya is so fucking confused, sure he can't remember every conversation they had over the years in the exact wording but he's damn sure this never happened, and- his thoughts come to a halt as he watches his younger self yank Dazai down farther until-

They're kissing.

What. The. Fuck. They never kissed! He sure would remember shutting that bastard up that way and he didn't fucking do that; ever. He daydreamed about it, sure, hoping it would happen as he low-key tried to flirt with the younger teen at eighteen to test the waters, yes, but this is not supposed to be in this memory-ability-thingy. Is this why people went berserk? Because they were fed with mirages? What the hell is going on?! He watches their younger selves making out because it's like a car crash, he just can't bring himself to look away and Dazai is melting against his younger version, arms finding their way to his hips as his younger version is sneaking his hands up his neck, to pull the other closer. The ability is taunting him, showing off what he never did. The fucking audacity to show it like this, right in front of him. His hope that Dazai has found a way out of the ability died. It can't be Dazai's doing, that's for sure. The detective would never use them making out as a sign that he found a way to end the ability. So why is this happening? Why is- It's dark. He's not standing in the arcade anymore, their younger selves kissing like their life depended on it nowhere in sight. Gradually his eyes get used to the darkness, perceiving his surroundings and from the looks of it, he is standing in Dazai's container. To be precise, he is standing right next to Dazai's bed and the teenager is staring at the ceiling. Chuuya understands absolutely nothing.

"Great, now I dream of him," the brunet mumbles, voice rough from sleep, and oh: It was a dream. Of course, it was. Damn, was he stupid? The bandage waster even told him what dreams were like so he should've been able to distinguish all the characteristics. But no, he just had been confused by it all. To be fair, this was the first dream-like experience he ever had, so yeah, guess it's not that astonishing that he couldn't figure it out. He can't suppress the smile that is forming on his lips: The younger teen dreamed of them kissing. It wasn't the ability playing with his heart in the most cruel way. Dazai's mind is just playing tricks on him and for the first time in his life, he is glad that he doesn't dream, and fucking pissed that he can't dream at the same time. His eighteen-year-old self would've surely appreciated being able to kiss Dazai in dreams. I knew those rom-coms were messing with my head, the brunet thinks bitterly, lifting his head so his hand can grab the pillow underneath to press it against his head. Not in a suffocating way, though one never truly knew with Dazai, but it seemed to be a gesture of frustration.

Real Dazai watched one of the countless memories of them being in the arcade. He loved this place, loved how they challenged each other, betting on who'd win the next game. It was, apart from Chuuya's apartment, a place where they could simply be stupid teens. It's almost a miracle that the owner never kicked them out because Chuuya was such a sore and loud loser. Maybe the owner realized what this place meant to them or at least what it meant to Dazai: it was an escape. Where he could let go and just beat his crush at any game they played. It's no wonder that the only dreams he had between the ocean of nightmares that haunted his sleep until the point where he refused to fall victim to them by staying awake, were at the arcade. With Chuuya. Always with Chuuya. Sometimes they just played games, but most of the time they kissed in those dreams, and it was both a blessing and torture because those dreams just showed him what he could never have. It was bittersweet, just like watching these long-gone times. He didn't beat Chuuya at the arcade anymore and he'd never get to do so ever again, because the executive surely isn't too keen on being near him after they're out of this hell of an ability.

"As soon as you made up with him you didn't hang out with us anymore and now you're crawling back because your sweetheart has to help Kouyou-san?" Oda said, sounding all petty but his little jealous act was betrayed by the way he tousled through Dazai's hair with that big smile on his face. "Glad you're on good terms with that kid," the older male dropped his attitude while removing his hand from the brunet's head.

"Tell us everything," the bureaucrat chimed in while gesturing to the barkeeper to bring three drinks. "How was the late birthday party he threw for you, hm?" Chuuya is surprised that the government asshole seems to be genuinely interested in Dazai's life. "Wait, before you do: Did you ask him if he's still angry like Oda told you to?"

"Oh right, I never told you," the teen sounded somewhat guilty, "okay, so: I asked him the next morning. He was making breakfast and-"

"What did he make?" The red-haired man wanted to know and the government guy rolled his eyes.

"Oda, I swear to god, shut up about food!" Dazai chuckles as he listens to the little quarrel the older men had.

"It's important though," he defended his question, "if it's something that takes a lot of preparation it would show that he's really dedicated."

"He baked a cake already," the bureaucrat deadpanned. "It's clear as day that he's dedicated."

"He made pancakes," Dazai let his friends know, a smile on his face as he remembered the morning. "And he sliced a few berries and made hot chocolate. It was delicious." He looked so dreamy and the two adults seemed to notice it too because both couldn't hide their smiles.

"You ate?" Oda carefully asks. Oh, so that was what made the two men smile like that. They knew about Dazai's concerning eating habits.

"Of course I did, I'm pretty sure he would've killed me otherwise. That's why I ate three pancakes even though I could've stopped at the first one," he informs his friends, sounding averse but his soft smile betrays him. The brunet did enjoy Chuuya's cooking and Chuuya enjoyed that the other had a healthy meal in his stomach. Okay, some might argue that pancakes aren't healthy but any meal is healthy if one looks at Dazai's usual meals. If he eats at all, that is.

"Keep the kid," Oda advises without missing a beat, resulting in a blushing Dazai, which means his ears are all red and he tries to hide how much that comment affects him. Adorable.

"Yeah, you should. When are we going to meet your dream-boy?" The bureaucrat starts to tease with a grin on his face and Dazai just dies a little inside. The barkeeper is bringing them their drinks and the teen uses it as a distraction, as he lifts his glass in the air.

"Anyways, we should start drinking, right?" He tries to change the topic and it's so cute. Ango and Oda exchange a look, a grin on their lips as they pick up their whiskey glasses.

"You're right," the government guy agrees with him to lull him into a false sense of security when he bumps his glass with Dazai's, and the teen is visibly relaxing, thinking his topic change succeeded.

"Yeah," Oda mimics his friend, bumps their glasses, and right when Dazai takes a sip from his whiskey, he adds in a blunt voice: "When are we meeting your sweetheart?" Chuuya almost felt sorry for Dazai, who just coughed because Oda's comment made him choke. Almost. It was funny to watch Dazai be at the receiving end of teasing jokes.

"He's not my sweetheart!" The teen screeched, voice breaking while his ears lit up in that cute pinkish-red. "And I'll never introduce him to either of you!" He yells voice rough from the coughing fit. So he downs his whiskey in one go, hoping to make his voice sound normal once more.

"Aw don't be like that," the bureaucrat laughs. "We have to meet him. It's like our job to embarrass you in front of your crush. That's what friends do," he teases, hands gently soothingly petting the teen’s shoulder.

"Yeah, we'll let him know how much you talk about him," Oda mocks him, while affectionately tousling his hair once more, but Dazai moves away, deciding to stand up from the barstool. Oh, they reached Dazai's limit at taking jokes about this topic. Like Albatross did after the party.

"Don't you dare!" God, the teen sounded so panicked and -dare he say it- terrified, ready to burst at any second, and the older males seemed to realize it too.

"Hey, we're only joking, you know that, right?" Oda carefully moves towards Dazai, who moves his head away with a stubborn look on his face and Chuuya isn't sure if it's just the lighting in this place or if Dazai's eyes are really covered in a shiny and watery veil.

"It's not funny. If you tell him how much I talk about him, he'll assume I'd gossip and then he is angry at me and never wants to be near me ever again," he explains and damn, he's really thinking that, isn't he? He's the manifestation of insecurity and Chuuya just wants to hug it all out.

"We're not telling him anything," the bureaucrat reassures. "Come sit down, I'll order a new round, okay?" Dazai hesitates a few moments but then he nods, sitting down between the two adults. Ango makes a gesture and the barkeeper prepares them new drinks. "All the things we said were jokes."

"We just want to meet the kid that makes you talk for hours with that dreamy smile on your face. We would never do something to ruin your chances with him," Oda promises as he places his hand on the other's back. Dazai is just humming, emotionally exhausted from all the stress the situation caused him. "You could bring him here or we could go to the arcade or a karaoke bar. Anything you want."

"Mhm, he's a lightweight so karaoke sounds alright I guess," the brunet smirked, "I'm sure he can howl like a dog." Yup, the bastard was feeling alright again if he could make jokes like that. "But won't it be weird to introduce him to you?"

"Did he introduce you to his friends?" The government guy asks and Dazai is losing himself in a memory for a few seconds. Thinking about the party he went to and how Chuuya did insist on meeting the flags, dragging him toward their tree. Dazai smiles.

"He did," it sounds dreamy but the watery veil is once again covering his eyes as he thinks about everything that happened after the party, how Albatross befriended him, and how he died.

"Great, then it won't be weird," Oda says in a calm voice, and then they keep silent for a few moments. Each of them sipped their drinks, lost in thoughts. "So," the red-haired man breaks the silence, "you haven't told us how your party went." And Dazai starts to retell what happened, a dreamy smile on his face.

Chapter Text

Chuuya was standing in one of the mafia-owned safe houses watching his younger self and the brunet as they stitched each other up. Well, his younger version was stitching Dazai up, who got injured as he hacked into the security system to delete their tracks. He was surprised by two goons that sneaked at him. Which shouldn't be possible considering that the younger teen was attentive during missions, always checking his surroundings because he knew he'd only be able to eliminate their opponents when they didn't see him coming. Dazai could fight and he knew where he had to land his hits so his enemies screamed in agonizing pain, that's why he was so excellent at torturing their prisoners but the thing is, his torture sessions were in a controlled and safe environment (for him), and fighting isn't. Dazai simply lacked the required strength for combat and that wasn't a problem because it's Chuuya's part to tear their opponents apart. So the younger teen did the only logical thing when faced with a fist or in this case a knife fight: trying to get to Chuuya as fast and uninjured as possible. His younger self easily defeated those assholes and then he started to argue with Dazai because his strategy was too reckless.

"Bite," he ordered, moving a rag in front of the brunet's mouth. Dazai followed the command and Chuuya couldn't hold his comment back: "Who's the dog now, hm?" He teased, petting the other’s hair, and ignored the other's glare. He just tried to distract the younger teen and maybe get back at him a tiny teeny bit. "Simple running suture or simple suture?" Chuuya's younger version asked as he opened the custom first aid kid every safe-house contained, looking at his supplies: different forceps, needle holders, needle and thread combinations, suture scissors, a big bottle of saline, plasters in varying sizes, and lots of bandages. "Mhm, no gloves," he mumbles mostly to himself as he moves his hands to rummage through the kit, but Dazai stops him with a soft kick. "What?" He gets an eye-roll in return and the tactically generated sounds that Dazai's right foot makes on the floor:

Short-short-short-short
Short-long
Long-short
Long-short-short
Short-short-short

"Huh?" Chuuya looks at his hands. He has his gloves on like usual. "What's wrong with my hands- oh, right." There's blood on his gloves and he would've just reached into the kit smearing it everywhere and risking the sterile tools to be contaminated with some random goons germs. He sighs, reluctantly removing his gloves, and gets up to wash his hands. He graciously removes the rag from Dazai's mouth because it's going to be a while till they really start.

"You're so slow, slug," the younger teen comments, and his younger version tells him to shut up, very kindly as he vanishes into the bathroom. It's going to hurt like hell. And yup, that's accurate. Stitches hurt immensely but his wounds need to be treated. Dazai's pain tolerance was questionably high for someone who doesn't like pain but Chuuya assumed he just got used to it through his suicide attempts which wasn't reassuring at all. Honestly, that just made it far worse. His younger version leaves the bathroom to once again kneel in front of the younger teen. "You're such a good dog, kneeling so well-behaved in front of your-" His younger version jumped up and shoved the rag roughly back into the younger teen's mouth. It didn't tune out the chuckles but at least the asshole couldn't talk. So easy to tease. The younger Chuuya is carefully searching for gloves in the kit and quickly finds them. He had to take off his gloves because I was too stupid to not get injured, and Chuuya did appreciate the slight guilt that was laced into the thought but the future detective had 'misplaced' priorities to put it mildly. Who in their right mind cared for something like that when they had a big knife wound in their left side? Dazai was never one for common sense and it showed.

"Simple running suture or simple suture?" His younger self repeats the question as he puts on the gloves, which made him feel less exposed. He gets all the tools ready while waiting for the other to morse an answer with his foot. Mori had drilled first aid and advanced measures such as stitching wounds into them. The former underground doctor had taught them many different stitches and expected them to be able to perform them without hesitation and perfectly. In the beginning, he quizzed them regularly and made them practice with weird silicone mats. Dazai, of course, had little trouble learning all kinds of stitches with his stupid prodigy brain. Mori was very proud of how quickly Dazai had internalized all the stitches after such a short time. The redhead was pretty sure that if Mori wouldn't be the boss of the mafia but simply a guardian to the younger teen, he would've forced Dazai to follow in his footsteps and become a doctor. Chuuya found it so damn hard to memorize the individual stitches while being able to tell them apart. He felt like a student who had to struggle through vocabulary and stupid formulas. But in the end, Mori was also satisfied with his work. He was so pleased that he told him to take care of Dazai's wounds. Of course, Chuuya's priority was always to prevent the younger man from needing stitches at all. The sound of Dazai communicating via Morse-Code ripped him out of his thoughts:

Short-long-short
short-short-long
long-short
long-short
short-short
long-short
long-long-short

"Running?" Chuuya clarified looking up to see Dazai nod. "Okay, then brace yourself, this is gonna hurt." His younger self was glad that the brunet chose the running suture because it was fast and it also meant that the wound didn't hurt as much because Dazai tended to choose the simple suture to demand a small break between each stitch, which usually happens when he was in immense pain. The running stitch was faster but the older teen couldn't take breaks once he started. Chuuya is grabbing the kelly forceps and moving it to the wound to spread it open. Damn, it was lucky that the cut was located on his torso and not his arms or legs. The younger teen was defensive of the every bandaged covered body part but his arms and legs were extremely important to him, causing him to get feisty if one tries to remove them. He fucking bit Chuuya once! So now the older teen is glad that Dazai didn't put up a fight as Chuuya carefully cuts his bandages apart, promising to help him to become a mummy again after he stitched him up. "Mhm, surprisingly clean," he informs the other as he changes his position to look for foreign objects. He puts the forceps down. It's a one-use plastic tool, like every instrument in the medical kit to assure that they would, in fact, be sterile. Chuuya is pulling a little sterile tray out of a package, then he opens the bottle of saline, carefully pouring a little bit into the tray and then he opens the aseptic wipes to dip them into the liquid. "Want to attempt to crush my hand while I clean your wound?" He asks with a mocking grin, holding up his left hand so Dazai could grab it, which he does and the redhead mentally prepares himself for the pain that the grip is going to cause him. Dazai is rather weak, yes, but it still hurts. The brunet let him crush his hand back when they were fifteen and he had a knife rammed into his back and Chuuya admits that he did use the opportunity to hurt the bastard, putting way more force into his grip even if he didn't feel pain. Dazai never held it against him and he was sure the younger teen must've known that he did it out of hatred back then. That's the reason as to why he lets the younger teen squeeze his hand like a boa. "Ready?" The brunet must have squeezed his younger self hand back then, because the teen just starts to wipe the wound in one motion. He repeats the process using a new wipe every time. I didn't hurt him, did I? Okay, that's adorable as fuck. The teen was worrying about his hand and Chuuya won't lie: it hurt to have your hand crushed even if a noodle-armed teen like Dazai did it. But it wasn't bad enough to be feeling guilty about it, besides, Chuuya had offered it so he was okay with it. "You did good," his younger self praises, knowing it would ease the other’s mind while he lightly squeezed Dazai's hand, "I need my hand now." The brunet let go and Chuuya grabbed the needle holder and the needle and thread combination working both tools to have the curved needle be mounted at a 90 degree angle between the teeth of the needle holder. "Want me to talk?" He gently asks. Sometimes Dazai needed him to ramble on about random things and sometimes he would demand the older teen to stop, so Chuuya just let the brunet choose.

Long-short-long-long
Short
short-short-short

"Mhm, let me think of something interesting...ah, remember the time you walked in on Mori and that news girl?" Dazai made a disproving sound. "So you do. Well, I walked in on the girl flirting with Hirotsu," he used the thumb forceps to pinch the wound edge so he could thread the needle through the skin, "poor gramps was utterly confused by it," he used the thumb forceps to pull the needle out of the tissue leaving a little suture 'tail' at the entrance point, "and she didn't even stop as I was asking him something," he pushed the needle in on the other side of the wound, forceps holding the skin next to the wound, "so rude, right?" Dazai makes an agreeing noise that turns into a hiss as Chuuya pushes the needle through the skin once more. He then uses his needle holder to grab the suture 'tail' to knot three instrumental ties. "Gramps was so embarrassed," Chuuya makes another stitch, "and he seemed angry that she just kept going after I showed up," another stitch, "you know how he is," another stitch, "and her attempts were getting so out of hand," another stitch, "that he excused us," another stitch, "and while we were walking away," another stitch, "he was apologizing for her shameless behavior," another stitch, "I just told him not to worry about it," another stitch, the last one, "and informed him about her last sex adventure", he knots the suture with three instrumental ties once more, switching the thumb forceps for a pair of suture scissors cutting the excess of. The wound looked like the seam of a baseball and damn, the stitches were so parallel that was probably his best running suture ever. "You should've seen his face, so priceless," he laughs a bit, "I'm done by the way." Dazai spit out the rag.

"When did this happen?" Was the first thing the brunet wanted to know, staying on the chair because he knew the older teen would help to wrap him up in white gauze once more.

"Ah, I think a day, ah, maybe two days ago?" Chuuya wonders out loud, opening a package of bandages. "Mhm, I think it's best if you stand up. Can you do that?"

"And you left me in the dark for two agonizing days?! I always deliver you the sweetest gossip as promptly as possible and you wait two days?" The younger teen voices his betrayal slowly standing up from the chair to let Chuuya work. "You're so mean!"

"Oh my god, I told you now, didn't I? And it helped you get through this so shut up about it, you mummy in progress," Chuuya responds, annoyed at the other's dramatic act. "Arms up." Dazai complies with a sulky huff and they stay silent till Chuuya finishes his task to make a true mummy out of the younger teen once more.

"I sleep on the bed. You take the couch," Dazai announced as if his younger self would've let the injured and freshly stitched boy sleep on the couch. "You cheated on me."

"Cut the bullshit! Sharing gossip with other people is not cheating!" He defended himself, before coming to his senses: "We're not in a relationship!"

"Oh my, multiple people?" The bandage waster skillfully ignores his last comment. "You're sleeping on the couch for the rest of your life," why is Dazai so good at playing the pissed off wife? His thoughts were all content and amused about how riled up Chuuya was. But he also was a bit hurt that the older teen didn't share the gossip sooner.

"Whatever."

He was pretty sure this was a dream. The pacing of the memory was weird again and the surroundings were somewhat distorted, creating an unpleasant feeling that was reinforced by the dark surroundings. It wasn't even cloudy or anything, it was just darker than it would normally be. Chuuya had just seen a few moments of the dream but he decided he liked the arcade dream way more than whatever this will turn out to be. He followed the teens through the city as they were sent on a mission by Mori. Chuuya blinked and they were walking through a forest. Suddenly his younger self disappeared, was gone without a trace.

"Chuuya?" Dazai dream self asks. But as he didn't get a response, he started to aimlessly walk through the forest calling out, trying to find him. Panic filling his mind and his surroundings reacted to it, the forest morphing into the typical scary woods you'd see in horror movies. Oh, it's a nightmare, isn't it?

"Oh, grantors of dark disgrace. May ye never wake me again," Chuuya’s nightmare version echoed through the woods.

"No," Dazai's eyes wide with fear, "no, no, " he repeats like a broken record, turning in circles around himself, as he tries to focus on everything to triangulate where the voice came from. "I don't know where you are!" He screams, hoping he'd hear something but the forest was silent. Too silent. The younger teen couldn't even sprint into the direction of the loudest noise because there wasn't any sound reaching his ears. Dazai's head snapped into a direction and he started run. Chuuya was ready to sprint with him but he didn't have to because the younger teen didn't move at all, just his surroundings moved past him, making him more and more frustrated by any passing second. "Chuuya!" He screamed into the forest and the forest came to an end. The clearing they reached was destroyed: Large craters deforming the meadow, trees destroyed lying around like some giant tried to play Mikado, and in the center of all that destruction was Chuuya. Dazai rushed to him, sliding down the hill, tripping over the debris as he desperately tried to reach the older teen. As soon as he is in range, he drops to his knees next to Chuuya and immediately grabs his wrist to check his pulse. He seems to feel a plus, because he exhales in relief. "Everything's going to be alright. I'm gonna stitch you up and everything's going to be alright," he reassures but it most likely is to put his own mind at ease because no stitches in the world could save Chuuya's body. To call the holes in his body wounds would be an understatement, god, Chuuya felt nauseous looking at a mirror image of his own self looking so dead. Dazai pulls a medical kit out of nowhere and the executive remembers that people in dreams just accept whatever is happening, in this case it's the medical kit that the younger teen opens. He's rummaged through the surgery tools, trying to find the needle and the needle holder in the endless seeming kit. The brunet finds them and rips their package apart, holding the tools in his hands and stares at them in panic. "I- I don't know how to use the tools," he stutters, tears blurring his vision, "but don't worry, I’ll figure this out in no time," his voice is getting higher, tears spilling from his eyes. Fuck, real Chuuya is crying too. This is his own fear: being eaten up by corruption.

"I trusted you," the nightmare version of Chuuya said, breathing stertorously, his voice barely a whisper. 

"I know and I'm here, I'll fix this, don't worry. I got it all under control, like always," he lies to both of them. "Hush now, don't talk, okay? You can scream at me later," he laughs but it's too high-pitched and real Chuuya flinches at the sound, at the attempt to radiate normality when everything is falling apart. "You're going to scream at me later."

"You failed me," his nightmare version accuses him, voice full of hatred, and now it's Dazai who flinches. Shaking his head, tears running out of his eyes. "I didn't," Dazai shakes his head again, can't seem to stop the motion. "I didn't," his words start to burr into each other and his breath starts to pick up. "I'm here," he repeats. "Everything's going to be alright."

"It's okay," the voice of his nightmare self is sounding sickeningly sweet as he places a bloody hand on Dazai's cheek. "I knew you'd let me down," is whispered in a soothing voice, a knowing smile on his nightmare self's face and then the hand slips.

"I didn't! I'm here, I-" Dazai caught the hand, and felt the pulse once more. More tears swelled up in his eyes. "No, no, stop," he presses the lifeless hand against his cheek. "It's not funny, Chuuya," he says, closing his eyes, causing his tears to get caught in his lashes like dew gets caught in spider webs. "Stop playing dead," he demands, his voice more like a snarl. "You weren't supposed to use it. So why- You should've waited! You should've- you-" A sob interrupts him. "If you come back, I'll stop making height jokes! I even-" Another sob leaves his mouth. "I'll stop calling you my dog, okay?" He pleads but silence is the only answer he gets. "Just come back. I- You're not- You can't be- you-" His sobs get louder and longer until he can't talk through them anymore as he gasps for air, getting way too little oxygen into his lungs as he wails. Tears leave his eyes non-stop and real Chuuya is watching Dazai's breakdown while having his own. It's his worst fear. Just the other way around. If the executive was able to dream, he'd be haunted by nightmares similar to this one. But he'd be using Corruption and the younger teen would refuse to nullify the ability, letting him die because he never cared. It's almost laughable that they both fear this scenario for different reasons. Chuuya fears the other would abandon him like everyone else did and Dazai feared he wouldn't be able to reach him in time, feared that he would fail him. God, they both should see a therapist. And while Chuuya starts to say sweet nothings to the other teen, a useless venture since he couldn't hear him anyways, the surroundings change. His eyes get used to the darkness and he realizes he's standing in the safe-house once more. The younger teen was awakened by his own crying fit, and he seems to know exactly where he is, because he tries to keep his sobs down, which only makes them get louder. It's just a nightmare, stop being this pathetic. God, he wanted to hug the teen so badly right now to comfort the shaking boy and tell him that it's not pathetic at all and that he'd be wailing too if he could have a nightmare like that. Wait, the redhead remembers this: His younger version is sleeping on the couch but he'll wake up soon thinking that he fucked up stitching the other’s wound if he's crying this loudly. And fuck, Chuuya feels relieved as he remembers the talk they had. At least his stupid self didn't ruin it and was actually able to comfort the brunet.

"Dazai?" His younger self asks, sounding disorientated from sleep as he sits up on the couch, waiting for a response. Dazai is pressing his hands in front of his mouth in a desperate attempt to silence his cries and sobs. Chibi's alive. Stop it. He fails and the older teen is wide awake, jumping over the backrest of the couch. "Fuck, what's wrong?" He wants to know and his voice is rough both from his sleep and the fear settling in his stomach that eats him up because whatever had the pain-resistance prodigy wailing like a kid must be something terrible. He stumbles to the bed in the dark room that is faintly lit by the city lights and  uses his ability to have an additional lightsource. "Talk to me!" He demands as he reaches the bed and the younger teen tries to speak but his voice is too high and the sobs interrupt him which means he can't really form words. "Is your wound causing you pain?" A hectic head shake is the answer. "You're not hurt?" A nod. He tries to talk again and Chuuya interrupts him: "Hush now, don't talk, okay?" And his younger self was insanely confused why those words got the other to cry louder. Damn, what was the likelihood that he would use the exact wording that Dazai had dreamed of? No wonder that he dissolved even more, crying louder as he was reminded of the scene from his nightmare. His younger self was overloaded by all of this because he didn't knew what the fuck was wrong and he just wanted the other to shut up to collect his breath first. "Think you'll be able to morse it?" His younger self suggests with a desperate edge to his voice. A nod is his answer. "Okay, let's try," he gently reaches for the other's hand -cringes at how wet it is- and micromanages it to grip his arm. "So, what's wrong?" Dazai starts strategically tapping Chuuya's arms with his right index finger. It's shaking a bit and the younger teen has to make small breaks after each letter to get his shaking body under control but he does manage to morse:

Long-short
Short-short
Long-long-short
Short-short-short-short
Long
Long-Long
Short-long
Short-long-short
short

"A nightmare?" The question left his mouth hesitantly because he couldn't believe that dreams could be so bad that they could make Dazai cry like that. "Didn't know they could be this...intense," he admits. The silence between them gets interrupted by sobs, but they are decreasing as Dazai's breath starts to even out slowly. "Want me to stay? Or should I leave you-" His younger version couldn't finish his sentence because Dazai used the grip he had around his arm to pull him back down. Chuuya yelps, startled by the unexpected movement, and had he not had such good reflexes he would surely have just fallen on top of Dazai, but he managed to catch himself, one hand just beside Dazai's head and the other hitting his chest, causing the air to escape from the younger teen's lungs. "You idiot! You could have loosened the sutures!" Dazai doesn't react to Chuuya's outburst.

"Don't leave," he whines and it's the first time ever that Chuuya hears him actually whining and not just faking it like he does when he doesn't want to work. "Stay," his voice is strained from crying and his younger self is taken aback by the request because he would've assumed that Dazai would want to be alone and that he didn't want to be seen this vulnerable. Well, if Chuuya would've had a nightmare where Dazai died, he also would've wanted him close by after waking up, just to ground himself.

"Okay," his younger self sure as hell wasn't going to leave a crying Dazai alone if he wanted him to stay. "Scooch over, mackerel," and the younger teen did, right after he let go of Chuuya's arm. So now his younger self is reaching for the blanket, lifting it up so he can lay down right next to Dazai. The bed is small, they're in a safe-house and not a hotel room after all, so their shoulders brush and there's a lot of contact in general. It wasn't uncomfortable though but the silence between them was rather awkward, only interrupted by the last quiet sobs that left the younger teen’s mouth from time to time. "So," young Chuuya starts feeling somewhat nervous about their whole situation, "wanna talk about it?" I had this nightmare and you died because I am too much of a failure to do anything about it...yeah no, can't say that, are the bitter thoughts that reach Chuuya. As the teen doesn't answer his younger self right away, he looks over to him, seeing the faded lights of the city illuminate his face. The light highlights the tear streaks on his cheeks and real Chuuya remembered how he thought that it looked as if someone brushed gold on his cheeks.

"I can't remember most of it," Dazai lies and Chuuya can't blame him. He would've lied too in his place. "You know how dreams are," the brunet tries to downplay it and his younger self lets his gaze wander to the ceiling.

"No, I don't," his younger version slowly says. "I've never dreamed." He can't remember why he felt the need to say it but he's glad he did.

"Never?" The younger teen asks as he moves his head to look at Chuuya's younger self. "Wanna switch?" It's quiet for a while after that question. But Chibi and my nightmares? Dazai thinks and before his younger self can answer, the younger teen backpedals: "Mhm, now that I think about it, not even an annoying Chibi like you would deserve my nightmares," his younger self just snorts so Dazai keeps talking, "are you sure you don't dream? Maybe you just can't remember, many people can't recall their dreams."

"No, it's not like that. I just don't dream, I think it has to do with Arahabaki and me not being hum-" he gets interrupted when Dazai's left hand lands on his face and succeeds in cutting his sentence off. "What the fuck, you bastard?!"

"Stop," he demands, his hand still resting on Chuuya's face because his younger self didn't want to hurt him by ripping it off right away. "You're not allowed to deprive yourself of your humanity," the younger teen declares, lifting his hand up as he speaks, astounded that Chuuya didn't forcefully remove it by now. "So if I have to intervene every time you do, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

"Is it now?" His younger self faces Dazai again, mimicking the grin he sees on the teen's face. "Is your interference always going to result in smashing your disgusting hand in my face?"

"Anything to prevent your dysfunctional behavior." His grin gets wider and Chuuya rolls his eyes whereas his younger self shakes his head and turns his head towards the ceiling again.

"Oh, look who's talking: Mister-That's-a-nice-river-for-drowning is trying to change my dysfunctional ways, adorable."

"I do what I can."

"Sure." It's silent once more as they stare at the ceiling and his younger self is feeling tired but he can't sleep while being this aware of Dazai's body right next to him. "What is it like to dream?" He tries to start a conversation, something that will distract him from the heat of another body right next to him.

"Mhm, I could tell you more about nightmares," Dazai sighs and he remembers how his younger self was disappointed for a moment because he didn't get the distraction he needed. "But I guess the concept is the same anyway," the younger teen continues. "When you dream you accept anything that is happening. You're pacing through the halls of the mafia and suddenly you're standing in a forest. It just becomes your reality, even if it's absolutely impossible. Sometimes you see places and people you're familiar with and sometimes you're just in some random place generated by your brain. Dreams often thematize things that you or your subconscious are dealing with, for example a mission or past battles. Sometimes, however, dreams are absurd and have nothing to do with reality. But they can also be meaningful, reflecting fears or anxieties that you repress during the day. Mhm, it is also interesting that the human brain is not capable of thinking up faces, so that every face you see in a dream belongs to some person you have looked upon." Chuuya's eyes close, while Dazai's voice, still slightly scratched from crying, slowly lulls him to sleep. But the last sentence stirred him up.

"Was I in your nightmare?" His younger self voices his thoughts sounding half-asleep and he feels the way Dazai tenses up against him.

"Chuuya, I told you I can't remember-"

"Yeah, and you're trying to avoid my question," his voice is quiet as his younger self is slightly hurt by the thought of Dazai having a nightmare because of him. I can't let him think that he's the cause of any of my nightmares.

"Okay, yes, you were in it," he admits, "but it's not like you think. We were on a mission and got separated and I couldn't find you no matter how loud I called for you and then I was found by my opponents...it wasn't pretty," he explains and real Chuuya wonders if that's a different nightmare he had because it's too good of a lie, even for Dazai.

"So I'm not some monster that haunts your dreams?"

"Never." He confirms without hesitation and then because he really doesn't want Chuuya to feel bad about his nightmares, he adds: "Actually, you're in most of my good dreams."

"Yeah?" His younger self questions head turning, his expression is full of hope as he faces Dazai and the brunet chuckles.

"Yeah, just us playing in the arcade," a smile forms on Dazai's lips as he thinks about the kissing that happened in those dreams.

"Sounds nice," his younger self mumbles while closing his eyes ready to slip into a dreamless slumber once more. "Think you can sleep?"

"Probably, yeah." It's not really convincing and Chuuya watches in disbelief as his younger self turns towards Dazai and carefully places his arm over the brunet while his head rests on his shoulder. God, Dazai is right: As soon as he's sleepy he's clingy... Was he always like that or just with Dazai?

"Don't worry," his younger self reassures into the fabric of Dazai's bandages. "I'll just fight off all the monsters that terrorize your dreams." And his breath evens out a bit and Dazai must've interpreted that as a sign that he's already asleep. Otherwise he wouldn't have voiced the thoughts racing through his mind.

"And what if I'm the monster?" Dazai whispered while he moved his hand to rest on Chuuya's back, careful to not wake him. Unnecessary. His younger self was still awake enough to react to the dysfunctional sentence the other just said and so he kicks the brunet under the blanket. "Ow," he complains quietly, thinking it was an accident of the sleeping boy until he heard the light chuckle. "What was that for?"

"I don't get to dehumanize myself so you don't get to do it either." The grin is audible in his tired voice and he shamelessly nuzzles more into Dazai. Damn, his sleeping self just didn't give a fuck about his normal inhibitions. It was so intense for him to get close to the younger teen while he was wide-awake. Shoulders brushing, light touches and stuff like that made Chuuya just burn with fear of rejection even though the brunet was so clingy and emotional when they had their little weed-session. God, the younger teen was so out of it back then, in fact, he had to promise Chuuya to never get high on weed without him around. Which was a really selfish request, yes, but Chuuya didn't care he was the only one allowed to witness Dazai's weed-induced behavior. He was also the only one who could calm the other down while Dazai cried. Chuuya's heart clenches in on itself as he thinks about all the things Dazai said while his brain was hazy from weed and alcohol and whatever had been in Dazai's system at the time. "And if I have to kick you for every dysfunctional sentence that leaves your stupid mouth, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

"Chuuya’s so mean for using my own words against me," is the immediate response but it's too softly spoken to hold any weight. Dazai turns so that he is also on his side facing Chuuya who just grumbles because of the movement. "So you can kick me better," the brunet justifies his new position even though he really didn't need an excuse because Chuuya's younger self immediately snuggled closer to him, one arm pulling Dazai closer. The younger teen hisses a bit as Chuuya is resting his arm right above his wound without realizing it and the brunet isn't doing anything against it because what's pain if Chuuya hugs me? Which is so stupid but real Chuuya can't fight off the dumb smile that's trying to spread over his lips.

Dazai just stares at their younger versions lying in the worn-down bed of the safe-house they're in. He watches the way Chuuya's lights up as he realizes that his younger self is still asleep because that means he didn't have a nightmare. Their position also changed: Chuuya's back was against the mattress and his younger version was half on top of him, snuggled as close as possible against Chuuya's body. The older teen didn't seem annoyed by it as his hand started to brush through the brown hair of the sleeping teen. The tiny redhead then stretched his small form to be able to reach his phone. His struggle was adorable to watch and after a while he managed to get a hold of his phone without moving too much. He was checking his emails and then he just occupied himself with mobile games until his younger self was waking up.

"No nightmare?" The tiny redhead questioned instead of greeting him and a head shake he more felt than saw was his answer. "That's good..." He stated but it was clear that he actually wanted to say more. With a heavy sigh his younger self sat up, moving away from Chuuya in the process as he slowly moved towards the edge of the bed. He could feel Chuuya's sharp gaze pierce through his back.

"Just say whatever you want to say."

"Is your sleep schedule fucked up because you stay awake to avoid nightmares?" The genuine question actually startled his younger self, making him freeze for a second, hoping that Chuuya didn't recognize the clear telltale but knowing full well that the older teen knew how to read his body language. It surprised him that Chuuya saw through his unhealthy coping mechanism this quickly. His nightmares were (and still are) the sickest stomach-turning horrors his rotten mind could come up with. Mori often starred in them, testing medications which ended in horrendous pain or terrifying changes to his body as the former doctor tried to 'fix' or punish him for failing a mission. Whenever Chuuya was in them, Dazai failed to save him from Corruption or he was facing a redhead that truly wanted him dead, sometimes both scenarios in one hell of a nightmare. In other nightmares he'd just fall to his death but never reach it, just endlessly falling without any control. Sometimes he relived grotesque versions of past missions where he failed everything and was punished for it. Dazai is aware that all of his nightmares have the same topic: Failing others and himself. His younger version tried to put an end to it by learning how to have lucid dreams but the control he had was twisted and made things actually worse. He did the next best thing and avoided nightmares altogether by not sleeping. It works. If he stays up until his body can't take it anymore, he doesn't dream but he also doesn't feel refreshed.

"Maybe," his younger self half-admits. It would be useful to deny it but he also doesn't want to be even more vulnerable in front of Chuuya. Wailing in front of Chibi all pathetic from a nightmare was bad enough, there's really no need to try to top it by talking about it. "But you really shouldn't waste your brain cells on that possibility."

"Depends," the Chibi says because of course he won't drop the topic that easily.

"On what?" His younger self snarls, getting up to turn towards Chuuya who's now sitting on the bed and watching his every movement. He didn't want to have this conversation.

"Is it always this..." he makes a pause looking for the right word but he doesn't seem to find a fitting one,"...bad?" His voice lacks its usual confidence as he takes on an uncertain tone, and Dazai's younger self hates it so much more, especially the look in Chuuya's eyes that almost borders on pity. Or is it empathy? Honestly, he doesn't know, he just knows that he hates that look.

"Doesn't matter." His younger self really didn't want to talk about it anymore so he tries to block it off and hopes that Chuuya will just take the hint but-

"It does matter."

-taking hints was something the stubborn teen didn't do well. Not because he didn't get them, no, he is well aware that his younger self doesn't want to have this conversation. Chibi just deems the topic important enough to investigate it more. Dazai thinks the redhead’s stubbornness is a double-edged sword because the detective hates it during the moment it happens but he appreciates it after a while, when his anger and displeased feelings are gone. It's the reason why Chuuya is the person to pull him out of rivers and why Dazai doesn't die from an infection and why he eats and takes minimum care of himself, because Chuuya always nags him, always pushes on the messy topics even if it hurts, especially then. No matter how nasty he reacts or how hard he tries to push the other away after another failed attempt, the older teen never abandons him and never holds it against him. It shows that Chuuya cares. In this memory his younger self doesn't appreciate it and in the present...well...he abandoned Chuuya. He pushed himself out of Chuuya's life without a word.

"I'm not gonna talk about it."

"Mhm, that just shows that it does matter," Chibi insists and of course is right but that teasing smirk didn't ease his younger self into talking. His younger self just rolls his eyes and Chuuya says nothing as he silently takes in his small victory. The memory fades away and leaves Dazai in the white nothingness. They never truly talked about his nightmares because Chuuya, despite his stubbornness, knows that he won't get his younger version to talk about it. So, he does the next best thing: Be there because Chuuya is stupidly loyal. The older teen is going to help him get through the worst of it in the sweetest ways and Dazai can't wait to see those memories.

Chapter Text

“And Albatross wanted to play it with us?” Dazai asks, doubt clearly in his voice as his eyes fly over the back cover of the game, taking in the red-haired main character and all other information he can find. Chuuya’s younger version is kneeling in front of the TV inserting the game into the PS4 and after that, he grabs the controller to join Dazai on the couch. Real Chuuya had seen so many memories by now it was an endless ocean of missions, going to the arcade, seeing Dazai’s nightmares (which seemed to be very repetitive, and Chuuya’s no expert but isn’t that like...a bad thing?) and so many other moments between their younger versions. He must’ve watched at least one and a half years of their memories by now.

“Yeah,” his younger self says and clicks on the game, which is downloading now. “He insisted on playing it together and forbid me to play it alone.”

“But isn’t it a one-player game?” It’s a fair question. They usually only met up to play competitive games, not to watch the other play.

“Oh please, every mission with you is a one-player game because I beat everyone up while you just laze around!” His younger self-defenses immediately because he wants to play it together. He made a promise to Albatross and apart from that he wanted to spend time with Dazai without losing to the younger teen almost every time. “We can switch when we feel like it or if one of us dies or whatever,” he suggests, and Dazai nods absently, lost in thoughts as he stares at the cover he still holds in his hands.

“Chibi won’t get to play long then,” he mumbles, earning a weak hit from Chuuya as he places the case of the game on the little table in front of the couch. "So, what's it about? Did Albatross tell you why he wanted to play it together?"

"No, he didn't", his younger self says, and it's a lie. Albatross wanted to play this game because the protagonist was similar to Chuuya in a way no one else could be: She struggled with her humanity, not knowing who or what she is. And the older flag member wanted to play that game before Chuuya's sixteenth birthday but his younger self didn't want to play the game with Dazai. The topic was too sensitive and he didn't trust Dazai with it, but after their talk in the car, he knew the younger teen wouldn't make fun of it and Albatross probably knew it all along. Damn, their friend really was the best wingman ever, even after he died he still managed to get them to grow closer. "It's a post-apocalypse world and humanity is back to its primitive roots as hunters and gatherers while machines built by the old civilization roam the world."

"Mhm, sounds interesting," the brunet admits as the game finally starts and they watch the first cut-scene, which shows them the world and the machines. They also introduce the caretaker of a baby as they journey to a village, so the child can get a name. It's clear that the two of them are outcasts from their village and live in isolation. The child, Aloy, is emitted because she has no mother and the villagers are matriarchal, so they treat the child like a plague, a bad omen. The villagers are also very religious in a suffocating way, at least if one asks Dazai and Chuuya. It's believed that the old civilization fell apart because they didn't believe in gods, so visiting the ruins of the old civilizations is forbidden, which is stupid. As Aloy grows older, she accidentally falls into one of the ruins and finds a strange communication device (it's later called 'focus') which helps her to get out of the ruin, so she keeps it. Throughout her life as an outcast, she isn't in contact with any children, which makes her feel lonely. The other children are afraid of her and one of them hates her, so he throws a stone at her, which results in a wound on her forehead. Aloy catches the next stone the asshole kid throws at her, and the first 'flash point' of the game starts. In a flash point, the player can decide how he wants Aloy to react to certain things, she always has three options: she can confront (fist symbol), use her insight (brain symbol) or she can express compassion (heart symbol). For the situation now, the player can either aim for his head, drop the rock or knock the rock out of his hand. For Chuuya it's an easy decision.

"That little fucker is going down!" And his younger version is about to press X to select his choice, but Dazai stops him.

"Do you really think that it's going to make it better? We are already outcasts here, what do you think would happen if we hurt one of their precious sheltered children?" He questions and turns his head towards Chuuya eyebrow risen as he waits for an answer to his stupid logical questions.

"So what?" The older teen scoffs, moving his head to face the other. "You expect me to drop the rock?"

"Of course not, that'd be stupid. The rock is the only way to defend ourselves," he explains, "I think it'd be the best to knock the rock out of his hand. That will show him that we won't take shit, but it will also not cause any problems for us."

"Fine, but for the record: Hitting his stupid face with a rock would be more satisfying." He grumbles as he selects Dazai's option and they continue to play. As of now, they're still in the tutorial part of the game, getting introduced to the game mechanics as they sneak around machines with Aloy's focus and they witness Aloy's training to win a tournament the village held called 'the proving' in which an outcast like her can be part of the village if she succeeds in it. And if she gets the first place, she can ask the elders who and where her mother is. So, there's a training cut-scene in which Aloy gets better and better and grows older. She seems to be somewhat around 20 now and Rost, her caretaker, has one last lesson for her. It's to fight a new machine she never fought before to protect the village. After that, the time for the proving has arrived, so they travel towards the village.

Dazai enjoys watching their younger version play Horizon Zero Dawn. The battles are challenging, the story is interesting, and the concept of a destroyed civilization is simply fascinating. It's a great game. He has fond memories of it and he can't thank Albatross enough that he got to play it with Chuuya. Even from his grave, the older teen is a great friend and an excellent wingman. It's almost ridiculous. He focuses on the screen, trying to determine where they are in the story, and concludes that they are right before the proving. Oh, they are right before that flash point. The cut scene starts and Dazai feels nauseous. Aloy talks with Rost and then asks if she'll see him back home in a few days.

»You will not find me there, Aloy, here...,« Rost says and takes a chain with a teeth-like pendant out of a pocket. »Take this, to...«  he seems to try to find the right word »...remember.« He puts the chain in Aloy's hand and she looks down at it.

»Why are you talking like we'll never see each other again?« She asks as she faces Rost once more. The other doesn't answer her. »No...« she mumbles as she realizes what all of this means. »No!« She exclaims as Rost turns to walk away, reaching for him. 

»You should be with the tribe,« He tells her, voice low as he tries to stay strong during their farewell, »and I will always be an outcast.« He states and starts to go away but Aloy stops him.

»But I told you I have that figured out!« she tells him, a desperate edge to her voice. »I'll come to you in secret! I'll be the one breaking the law, not you! You don't even have to talk to me.« It hurts. The dialog in general and the knowledge that he never let Chuuya have that talk. Dazai left without a word because he was too afraid.

»This...attachment to me will only hold you back! It's my wish that you embrace the tribe.« Rost emphasizes. »You've lived in isolation long enough.«

»Not until now I didn't,« she says and fear and hurt are clear in her voice as she lowers her eyes to the ground, unable to face Rost for a moment.

»For your sake, I must go where you will never find me. This is goodbye.« And now Rost doesn't face her anymore, probably can't without losing his composure because everything in the way he talks and moves shows how much he hates this. He doesn't want to say goodbye, he just sees no other way. It's for Aloy's sake and it's sincere. Dazai on the other hand... just ran away. He was too scared to face Chuuya.

"He can't just go!" Chuuya's voice rips him out of his thoughts. The grip on the controller is so strong that Dazai can make out the white of his knuckles. "He can't leave us alone!"

"We're going to have the village, though, don't we?" His younger self comments, and Chibi's head snaps in his direction.

"Those assholes hate us! I don't want to be part of that stupid village!" Dazai hears a light cracking sound and concludes that it must come from the controller Chuuya is crushing in his hands.

"But those assholes, as you so kindly put it, have answers to our past," his younger self points out and Chuuya's eyes dart to the side.

"That's true, but why can't we have both?" He asks, looking into Dazai's eyes again. "We had a plan. We would've visited him and he wouldn't break the rules because we'd be the only ones that's talking, so why does he-"

"Because it's the best for us," his younger self interrupts Chuuya's rant before the controller breaks under all the pressure Chuuya puts on him. "He wants us to know about our past and he wants us to never have to live isolated again."

"He doesn't have to go for that!" Chuuya claims and moves the joystick, so the selection hovers over the flash point option 'but I will find you'. "He taught us how to track, we can find him! We don't have to-"

"Chuuya," his voice is calm as he looks at the older teen who's never been good with losing people one way or another. His abandonment issues probably got a lot worse after Dazai left without a word. "I know that we could, but he doesn't want that. Shouldn't we respect that even if it's hard?"

"Respect it?! He has only presented us with a fait accompli! It doesn't seem like he respects our feelings in any way!" The redhead snaps and the brunet sighs.

"Don't you see how hard this decision is for him? He doesn't want to go-"

"Then he shouldn't!"

"-but he has to. It’s for our sake, it really is," he says in a firm voice, hoping that Chuuya will finally realize that this farewell is unavoidable. Then he sighs. "We haven't even played for an hour and you're already this attached."

"I'm not attached," the redhead replies snarkily and his younger self rises an eyebrow which earns him a friendly, "fuck off," from Chuuya. Dazai remembers how Chuuya cried when Rost sacrificed his life to save Aloy and how badly Chuuya wanted to revenge a fictional character. Dazai always envied how fast Chuuya can get attached, even if it was an annoying trait because Chuuya always grieved the fallen subordinates. "Okay," he says reluctantly, "what would you select then?"

"Heart," he answers. Chuuya rolls his eyes but selects it and the cut-scene continues.

»I see,« Aloy voices and sounds defeated. »I'm glad to have this then,« she lets Rost know as she moves the hand where the pendant rests in. »It will remind me of you...of everything you did and how you helped prepare me for this day.« Rost looks at the pendant she holds in her hand for a short moment and then meets her eyes again.

»Thank you.« 

»Heavier than it looks,« her voice is strained and she is probably trying to hold back tears, »but the court is strong,« she states in a beautiful metaphor. They may be apart, but nothing can break their bond. It's the same for them, isn't it? Chuuya trusts him, he rescued him and Dazai really doesn't deserve it, but he's so glad that their bond is still there. 

»May all mother bless you Aloy,« is the last thing Rost says as he turns to leave.

»And you,« Aloy responds quietly, watching Rost back as he moves farther and farther away.

"I hate this." It's funny. If their life was a game as greatly designed as the one they're playing, this moment, this flash point they played, and the way they discussed it would be used as a method to foreshadow Dazai's betrayal. And since their lives aren’t some game, Dazai has to marvel at the unintended foreshadowing for what it is: the cruel irony of life. He forced Chuuya into the mafia, a place he never wanted to be in, and then he left. Just like Rost did, well, almost like Rost did. Aloy's caretaker didn't force her into the village. She wanted to claim her heritage. She wanted to reach her goal of finding out who she was ('just like Chuuya', a voice helpfully provides in the back of Dazai's head) and Rost gave her that chance. He didn't stand in her way, didn't snatch that stupid executive seat right under his nose and, most importantly, Rost didn't run away from the farewell. Dazai did. He didn't leave a word behind, only a bomb. It wasn't his first option. Back then, right after the mimic incident, he stumbled to Chuuya's apartment, barging in to tell the other what happened and that they were leaving, but he wasn't there. Chuuya was aboard and Dazai was so weak. He wanted to choose 'heart', but in the end, he had to choose 'fist' because he was so scared. What if Chuuya hadn't reacted the way he wanted to if he chose 'heart' at that flash point in their partnership? For the first time in his life, he had been scared to lose a game. 

"I know, Chuuya," his younger self says and Dazai echoes it because in the end he lost the game anyway, didn't he?

Water. Chuuya's underwater. Well, not really, but he hates that he knows why he is underwater and as if on cue he sees a gloved hand break through the surface, reaching right through Chuuya to pull a body up. He follows the movement and surfaces to take in his surroundings. The first thing he sees is his younger self, cursing as he pulls Dazai's body out of the water. His screams scared away a flock of birds sitting on the top of the trees surrounding the lake they were currently in.

"You're supposed to be at work!" And Chuuya knows that his younger self isn't this angry because of the missed day at work. "I'm not doing your shitty paperwork." And what he means by that is that he refuses to let Dazai leave him. He is supposed to stay. He should tease him and win against him in every single game they played. He should just be there.

"You're such a brute," Dazai grumbles, trying to get out of Chuuya's grip but giving up a few seconds later. "It was so nice lying upon the bottom of the lake and you had to destroy it," he complains but his voice isn't as lively as usual. No teasing, no whining as if he had forgotten that his voice is capable of different pitches and intonations. It's so dangerously monotone and Chuuya hates it. Hates what it indicates.

"And you destroyed my patience!" His younger version drags the younger teen out of the lake, water splashing everywhere as he moves through the lake without care, scaring any fish away except for the mackerel. Chuuya just watches them leave, water dripping from their clothes as his younger self scolds Dazai for trying to drown himself. It's just the beginning. It always starts like this.

Dazai was certain that he watched at least one and a half years of their memories by now, or at least the ones he got to see. It still surprises him that Arahabaki lets him see so much right now. But the detective won't complain even though the god could've skipped all of his failed attempts. His younger self was spiraling down in an episode, and Chuuya had a front-row seat. It always starts the same way, so Chuuya was well accomplished with the telltales: His attempts increased and at the same time everything else lessens to the point where he just doesn't react to anything at all. He stops teasing Chuuya. He stops going to the arcade. He stops to eat. He stops to shower. He just stops, and all that remains is an empty shell for an emptier soul. Then he attempts to free the soul and if someone -always Chuuya- prevents him from destroying his body, he snaps and all the hate he has for himself gets pointed at the person trying to help him. He tries to push Chuuya away. With everything he has and since he's got nothing on the other's strength, he uses his words.

"I don't need you," his voice hisses, "no one does," and there's a voice at the back of his head, screaming at him to stop trying to hurt the only person who sticks around through it all. But that's exactly what he's doing with the ugly words that leave his mouth. And Chuuya? He just takes it. He doesn't reply as he takes care of the self-inflicted wounds that decorate his arms. The redhead is on top of him, pressing Dazai's body to the ground because Dazai had snapped, trying to aim the razor blade at Chuuya for disrupting his only way to be free. The older teen easily disarmed him, the blade had made a loud sound as it crashed against the wall of his container, denting the metal slightly. "That's why the sheep betrayed you," he spits. The older teen stops his movements, takes a deep breath, and didn't. say. a word. Which makes it so much worse. Chuuya should scream at him, shouldn't care as much as he did, but the older teen is still focused on his self-proclaimed task to wrap the teen up in bandages with a gentleness his younger self doesn't deserve. Not with what he just said. He didn't even mean it. It was just a lie so Chuuya would stop, so he could finally die in peace, and maybe the redhead knows that. Maybe that's the reason why he doesn't lash out in anger. It doesn't justify his words, it doesn't make them hurt less.

"You done?" The older teen asks, tone unimpressed, as he finished wrapping him up in clean bandages. He looks at Dazai -looks right into his soul- and waits for an answer.

"I would've been done if you didn't stop me!" Is the reply as his younger version tries to push Chuuya off him. The older teen doesn't move an inch, he just lifts an eyebrow and Dazai growls frustrated but stops his movements.

"Mhm, not done," the redhead concludes with a sigh. "Could've just said that." It's so weird how calm the older teen is. Maybe because he is balancing the other's behavior. Maybe he instinctively knows that this indifferent mask is the only thing that is helping him in this situation. Dazai doesn't know and it's not like he can just ask him that. "You're coming with me either way." His younger self shakes his head while he bangs his fists against Chuuya's torso. The older teen just lets him.

"No, no, no! Leave me here!" he screams as he keeps trying once more to push Chuuya off without avail. Fists colliding uncoordinated with the other's chest. He is no match for Chuuya's strength, especially with his lack of nutrition and they both do know it but his younger self doesn't stop trying. "I don't want to be a victim of your pathetic savior complex!" Chuuya sighs and catches the younger teen’s fist effortlessly with his hands, forcing them towards the ground to stop his tantrum.

"I won't leave you here to die," Chuuya states, "so you can pick out of three options: You just come along with me, I use force to take you to my places, or -if you make it any harder than it's already been- I numb you down with pills. Your choice." As the older teen voices the last option, Dazai's body stops moving, seemingly trying to melt into the ground, and his eyes get a watery touch.

"No pills, don't numb me down," his younger self begs with a panic edge to his voice. It's weird for Dazai to hear his own voice so broken and close to tears as all the fight left his body. Mori used to numb him down after he overdosed on sleeping pills. He hated it. Everything felt like it was wrapped in cotton and he couldn't move his body, he couldn't even speak and his thoughts spiraled down to a useless gibberish no one could understand. It left him helpless, with no control. He hates not being in control and so he never used pills as a suicide method again. He hates pills and avoids them if he can.

"So, you're coming with me?" And his younger self doesn't seem to register the question because he continues to mumble how he doesn't want any pills, how he doesn't want to be numb. Tears start to leave his eyes and Chuuya stands up to carefully move his hands and arms underneath his younger self to carry him to his apartment. "Calm down," he tries to soothe, "it was an empty threat. As if I would let you close to any sort of pill," He mumbles and his younger self does not know that and he doesn't hear the quiet words as he is too preoccupied with repeating his words like a mantra.

"No pills, don't make me take any pills, please, you can't numb me down," his words slur and he doesn't realize that Chuuya's already carried him out of his container and moved towards the nearest street. It doesn't take him long to reach it, and a black car is already waiting for him to take him to Chuuya's apartment. It’s a quiet drive because his younger self has fallen asleep and the older teen just watches him with a worried expression, and Dazai hates it. Chuuya shouldn't worry about him, not after everything he screamed in his face. The car reaches its destination and the redhead carries his sleeping self up to his place. He sits him down to take his shoes off, and then he moves him towards his bedroom. The older teen gently takes off the black coat and his tie (debating for a few seconds if he should undress him further, but decides against it) as he lays him on the bed to cover him with the big fluffy blanket. The room is quiet and Chuuya takes in the picture of Dazai laying in his bed to let out a sigh, already moving to the heater. Chibi's always so worried about his health. After turning up the heater, he quietly leaves the room and rushes into the bathroom, but he doesn't close the door as he pulls out a small see-through plastic container that's tinted orange.

"He will need his pills, Chuuya," the redhead mimics someone -probably Mori- with a scoff and opens the container, "he wants to numb all his feelings, he will ask you for the pills," he continues to ape -definitely Mori- as he lifts the toilet seat and lets every last pill drop into the toilet before he flushes it down. "He didn't seem like he wanted that shit at all," Chuuya mumbles, staring at the now empty container, reading the ingredients to figure out what the pills would've done, but he didn't know enough about it, so he puts the small container back in his pocket and storms out of the room to leave his apartment. Real Dazai follows him as he rushes to the small supermarket, but before he enters, he throws the container in the trash and uses his ability to crush it into a million pieces.

Chapter Text

"You should've let me die," is the first thing Dazai says as Chuuya enters the bedroom. He stares at the ceiling lost in thoughts and real Chuuya is glad he can't hear them. Damn, he could've lived without seeing those parts of their memories again. Dazai's attempts were bad enough while they happened, and the executive felt useless next to their younger selves.

"And you should eat," his younger self replies, seemingly unimpressed, but he remembers how he felt back down, how this was eating him up from the inside. He hated it when Dazai lost against his own mind. It hurts to watch him become so monotone and quiet. It was such a sharp cut from his usual annoying and teasing self to this, and Chuuya decided that quiet didn't suit Dazai at all.

"Don't bother to feed the dead." His gaze is still on the ceiling as if he hopes that it will fall down on him if he stares long enough at it, and Chuuya's younger self doesn't know what to do. "It's a waste of time."

"It's not a waste of time if you'd eat what I cooked," the older teen presses, a bit helpless because he doesn't know how to handle this, but he doesn't want to call Mori. The former doctor will just numb the teen down, and Dazai was afraid of that, so there was no way in hell that Chuuya would hand him over to their boss. The younger teen had to eat, though, and Chuuya was not sure what he was supposed to do if he didn't. Tackle him and force it down his throat? "It's crab with fried rice," he says, shaking off his useless thoughts, but he gets no reaction, which creeps him out. Usually, the younger teen would beam at him all happy and content, making a stupid comment about Chuuya being a good dog or maid or whatever and the older teen would be pissed, but goddammit he wished the brunet would tease him like always instead of ignoring him like this with his eyes still locked on the fucking ceiling. A sigh leaves the older teen's mouth as he puts the plate on the nightstand with a bottle of water. "If you want more, just tell me, alright?" There's no answer and the silence is killing his younger self, so he flees the situation, "I'm in the other room, just call if you need me."

Dazai didn't call.

After hours have passed, his younger self is entering the room again with a new dish in his hand, and his heart clenches in on itself as he sees that Dazai hadn't eaten anything. The younger teen didn't even move, still staring at the ceiling like a lifeless doll.

"I made soup," he tries to ignore the pain in his chest as he moves the untouched plate with fried rice to the side to place the bowl with soup on the nightstand. "It's crab and rice again because I thought you'd like that," his younger self can't seem to stop his nervous rambling as the situation is just overwhelming and leaves him helpless. He hates being helpless. What if Dazai doesn't eat? What if he dies? "But if you don't want that, I can, like, cook you something else. Just tell me what you want to eat and then I'll just make it for you and-"

"Leave me alone," the brunet cuts him off, without sparing him a glance, as his eyes are still fixed on the stupid ceiling. Chuuya remembers how he felt his heart sink back then, how it felt like Dazai just slapped him in the face with those three small words.

"Oh, okay," his younger self mumbles as his gaze wanders to the ground, looking at the floor and his own feet. He felt so small back then. And so stupid. Why did he even think Dazai would eat? He tried to end his life, of course, he didn't care for his diet right now. Chuuya is trying his best here and it hurts that he can't reach the younger teen and sure, it's a pathetic selfish feeling because Dazai doesn't owe him anything, especially not gratitude. So his younger self should just get a grip over his dumb emotions and give Dazai some room and time. And he is going to do that, but Dazai is going to eat, for fuck's sake! "I'll leave you alone if you eat," he negotiates in a blunt voice.

"No."

"Well, tough luck 'cause I'm not leaving then, actually," he says and moves towards the bed, "I think I'll keep you company," he declares as lets his back collide with the soft blanket. His shoulder is brushing Dazai's and he knows the other hates this, but it's for his own good. He needs to eat and if the younger teen only does so if Chuuya annoys him, then so be it. He will just talk non-stop until the younger teen can't take it anymore. Easy. "While I was grocery shopping a few days ago, Ane-san called me and asked if I could buy her feminine hygiene products because she ran out of them and I was like 'yeah, sure' thinking it can't be that hard to pick the right thing. I was so wrong. But how the fuck was I supposed to know that there are so many different products? Like there's a huge shelf filled with an endless amount of tampons and pads in all sorts of variations. There are pads with wings or without wings, extra large for the night, super absorbent materials for an extra heavy flow, and so on. Seriously, how do women deal with all this shit? I spent at least ten minutes in front of that stupid shelf picking five products out of the ocean of options to be sure I had at least one that would be to her liking. Then I bought almonds because one of the sheep once told me that they can help to lessen the pain. I also got her Mon Cherié because chocolate makes everything better, and chocolate with alcohol in it triples that effect. Ane-san was pleasantly surprised. She laughed a bit at me for 'panic buying five products' but thanked me and then we watched a movie together. It was so nice and now I know which product she actually uses, so I'll never have to stand ten minutes in front of a stupid shelf," his younger self ends his little story just to start the next one: "I saw Hirotsu with a switch the other day. He was playing Animal Crossing. It was quite adorable, even though he pretended it was your switch and you told him to watch over it. Poor Gramps feels embarrassed about it and thinks I'm stupid enough to not realize that he bought the animal-crossing switch. You know, I think we should befriend him, maybe then he wouldn't be so embarrassed anymore! Oh, we should also buy him 'Harvest Moon' for his birthday. I think he would adore it and—" he stops because Dazai suddenly sits up with a frustrated scream.

"You fucking win!" The younger teen yells while he glares at Chuuya, which is rare. The brunet doesn't get loud like this, but his younger self is so happy that he's not staring at the dumb ceiling anymore, that he doesn't register the change in behavior. The redhead gets up and reaches for the bowl to hand it to Dazai, "just give me the soup and leave," who rips it out of his hands, causing a few drops of the soup to drop on the bed. Neither of them cares as the brunet reluctantly brings the edge of the bowl to his lips. He pierces Chuuya with a last glare before he closes his eyes and hastily slurps up the soup, not bothering to chew on the rice or the crab pieces in it. Stupid mackerel is going to have a stomachache later if he doesn't die from choking on rice first. But Chuuya isn't dumb enough to interrupt the younger teen to scold him, nuh-uh, he's happy that the younger one is finally eating something. Even though he only swallows down each drop of soup in such haste because he wants to be left alone, Chuuya can't help but smile. It's progress. Small progress he was somewhat manipulated into but progress nonetheless. "There," Dazai pushes the now empty bowl in Chuuya’s hands, as he wipes his mouth with the sleeves of his shirt, "now leave." Chuuya smiles and nods.

"Wasn't that hard, was it?" He comments because he can't help but feel victorious about accomplishing that Dazai ate. The brunet doesn't say anything, he just lets himself fall on the soft bed to stare at the boring ceiling again. But that's alright. He ate. So Chuuya says nothing as he takes the untouched plate and the empty bowl out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Chibi is sitting on his couch, clicking through Netflix shows, and ends up selecting nothing as he puts the TV remote down with a sigh. He probably wants to check up on Dazai's younger version but the brunet beats him to it as he opens the bedroom door with the fluffy blanket draped around his body like a cloak and flops down on the couch next to Chuuya. The tiny redhead just watched him like any wrong movement would make him run off like a startled deer. The adorable idiot was even holding his breath for a few seconds.

"What are you planning to watch?" His younger self asks while his eyes scan all the options the TV screen shows off.

"Nothing," the tiny mafioso admits but then his eyes light up and Dazai knows that his younger self thinks that it's cute. "Do you wanna play Horizon?" He leans a bit in Dazai's direction, all excited and happy, so there was no way in hell that the younger teen would reject the other's suggestion. Sometimes, he wonders if Chuuya realizes what power he actually has over him. Then again, after this ability nightmare, he is going to know it all. Dazai wants to get out of here to drown himself in the nearest river because he just can't face Chuuya ever again.

"Yeah," his younger self agrees and thinks for a bit before adding, "but no story?" Chuuya looks surprised, but then smiles at him, understanding Dazai's request without any explanation. His younger self just couldn't concentrate on the story at the moment. 

"Sure," he answers, and it's so softly spoken that Dazai just melts like his younger version did back then. "We can just level a bit, hm? Watching me gloriously defeated machines is top-notch entertainment, after all," he brags with a smirk, and takes the remote to switch to the PS4 to start the game.

"The entertainment lies in you losing," his younger self corrects, and real Dazai smiles because the older teen is going to lose a few fights.

"Then you are going to be pretty bored," the feisty little redhead counters as he selects their latest saved progress. The smile on Dazai's face gets softer because his younger self is going to be entertained. Chuuya is going to lose a few fights, but not really since he is deliberately getting killed by machines. How Dazai knows that? Easy: Chuuya is good at the game, especially in combat, not that Dazai will ever tell him that, but the redhead is just amazing when he fights against machines. Dazai plays the game strategically safe, he attacks from a distance, uses his environment, and exploits the weakness of each machine while he sneakily kills them one by one. Chuuya is the exact opposite, he barges into a group of strong and restless machines like he was made for it. The redhead (on the couch and in-game) slaughters every machine that charges at him with such a finesse that Dazai is mesmerized because Chuuya isn't blindly pushing buttons like he does in other games. It seems like he doesn't push anything at all, as if he switched the place with Aloy and fought them all by himself. Maybe the redhead just needs a good story to memorize combinations and not just press buttons without thinking. It's such a sight watching Chibi turn the redhead on screen into a fucking war goddess. Honestly, if they could play against each other in this game, Dazai might lose against him. So, yeah, he knows that the other is losing on purpose. The redhead would never lose to those low-class machines, and the thought that stubborn and prideful Chuuya is letting poor Aloy die only to entertain and pull his younger self out of his thoughts is the sweetest thing on this whole planet.

"Are you sure? You can stay here longer," his younger self says because letting Dazai out of his sight after an attempt was terrifying. They were standing in front of the door already. Dazai gripped the handle, his head turned towards Chuuya with a shit-eating grin on his face. The stupid idiot thought he already overstayed his welcome and was going to make his younger self stop worrying by teasing.

"You're such a good dog for offering your owner to stay," he speaks and his voice is pitched higher as he mock praises the older teen, easily dodging the kick, "but sadly I have important matters to attend."

"I'm not your fucking dog!" The older teen screams and it's really silly how Dazai can play him.

"But I won our bet and-"

"Shut up and leave already!" And Dazai did. He opened the door and stepped outside, and walks down the hallway, but despite the teasing, his younger self will never stop worrying about his suicidal partner. "Dazai!" He yells after him a bit too loud, and the future detective stops in his tracks, head turning, so he can see Chuuya over his shoulder. "I want to play Horizon tomorrow," he starts lowering his voice, so his neighbors won't write a noise complaint, "so you have to be here, you hear me?" Dazai's eye widens for a fraction of a second and he turns his head away, starting to walk to the stairs again. His thoughts are so loud as he tries to keep it cool. He knows exactly what Chuuya is doing and he hates and loves it at the same time. You have to be here is another way of saying stay alive.

"Yeah, whatever," he waves it off as he lifts one of his hands in a lazy farewell gesture, "see you tomorrow." A few seconds pass and the younger teen is turning around a corner. Chuuya knows it's selfish to make the brunet agree to live yet another day, but he's not feeling bad about making the younger teen live from appointment to appointment. He needs those little unsaid promises of staying alive just for a while longer, it keeps him at ease, and at least now he knows that Dazai doesn't hate him for that selfishness. The brunet lived through, so many forced on him 'tomorrows' by now, and Chuuya thinks that Dazai needed that just as much as he did. He is never going to feel ashamed about the little 'tomorrows' his younger self threw around whenever they parted to keep the bandaged freak alive a little longer, day after day.   

Dazai was leaning against a building, his phone in one hand and he tried to look indifferent as he stared at the screen, but Chuuya could hear his thoughts. The younger teen was freaking out because he just invited his younger self to join his friends in a karaoke bar.

Me
So?
What do you say?
There's booze too

Slug
Mhm
Booze is nice
R u paying?

Me
Ha!
If you sing better than me I will throw a bone for you and pay your drinks
But that's not going to happen
Chibi can only howl like a doggy after all

Slug
Asshole
But count me in
& get ready to pay for all my drinks

Me
Hehehe
The whiskey is gonna taste better if my dog pays for it :D

Slug
Stop ur stupid jokes and tell me where u @

Me
[you shared your location]

Slug
Omw
5 min tops

Me
Kay

"You're early," said a voice, and Dazai put his phone away to look at the newcomer. Oda and the bureaucrat were slowly closing the distance to stand right next to him. "Wanna head in?"

"Hello to you too Ango," the brunet said and the government guy smiled at him. "We have to wait a bit." His friends looked surprised so he added, "I invited Chuuya." Now the two men looked at each other and then at Dazai.

"Oh? I thought you'd never wanted to introduce us?" Oda teased the youngest of their friend group, which resulted in an adorable pink-eared Dazai. "What made you change your mind?"

"I don't know," was the reply that came a bit too quickly, "I was waiting for you and then I just texted him." He shrugged his shoulders, but it was too tense to have the desired nonchalant effect. The teen was so worried and he didn't understand why he suddenly invited his younger version, but now it was too late to change anything about it. "He is going to be here in like five minutes." And they waited. They didn't have to wait five minutes though because it didn't take Chuuya that long to arrive. He did scare Dazai's friends, though, as he just jumped down in front of them from the rooftop. "Three minutes and 37 seconds," the younger teen stated with his eyes locked on the pocket watch Hirotsu gifted him before he let it fall back into his pocket.

"Mhm, a new record, isn't it?" His younger self sounded so smug and then he seemed to notice the other persons that were present. "Oh, you must be Dazai's friends, right?" He approached them, hand already stretched in their direction, and Oda immediately took it.

"That's right," he said, friendly shaking his hand, "I'm Oda."

"Chuuya," his younger self stated, then he greeted that government asshole before they headed inside. "You know, it's funny," the older teen said when they all were being led by a waitress to their karaoke room. Oda and Chuuya were directly behind her, while Dazai and the government guy were a bit behind them. "I always thought he had some other Oda as a friend."

"What, am I not good enough?" The older redhead joked and Chuuya shook his head.

"No, that's not what I meant. I was just confused because Dazai kept saying 'Odasaku' and I knew that was not your name, you know?" His younger self explained with a smile. "He talks a lot about you." Real Chuuya can almost feel how badly Oda wanted to say that Dazai talked about him too, but he kind of promised the brunet not to make such comments so he held it back.

"Does he now?"

"Don't worry, nothing bad," he reassures before he starts talking about literature and poems because Dazai told him Oda wanted to write, so the older teen used this moment to converse about his favorite works. Real Chuuya was not interested in that talk though, no, he let himself fall back a little so he could understand what Dazai and the government guy were talking about.

"You want to impress him, don't you?" The bureaucrat guessed, voice lowered, and Dazai's ears turned red. "Oh, you do," he sounded somewhat surprised that his guess was right. "Go on and sing then. Lure your prince in the water."

"I'm not a siren," Dazai says in a dry voice, clearly trying to avoid the actual topic. For a few moments, it worked because they arrived at their room and took their seats on the comfortable couch, and because Dazai's friends somehow always were good at being wingmen, the teenagers were sitting beside each other surrounded by the adults. They ordered their drinks and the moment the waitress leaves the room, the bureaucrat puts the microphone in Dazai's hand. The teen just sighs in defeat and selects a song. His voice is nice. It's not perfect and sometimes he doesn't get the notes right but somehow that makes it beautiful. His voice is so rough, full of emotions and so alive, god, Chuuya could listen to him forever. It was a shame when the song ended and Dazai handed him the microphone, the applauding of his friends in the background. "You sure you can sing better?" The brunet teased and his younger self rolls his eyes. He did sing the younger sheep to sleep and they all complimented his voice, so Dazai didn't stand a chance against him.

"Watch me," he says and now he finally knows why Dazai seemed lost in thoughts for a moment because he could hear the thoughts that went through his head. He was thinking about that dream he had where Chuuya kissed him after those words. God, the brunet is so adorable. Dazai takes a seat between his friends on the couch and watches the older teen select a song. Real Chuuya is leaning against a wall and has the perfect view of Dazai's face. He always wondered what expression the teenager wore as he heard him sing for the first time. The first notes of the song start to play, and a few moments pass until Chuuya sings and Dazai's face is priceless. Wha- Why can he sing?! The executive is really glad to not only see Dazai's face (he looks so stunned, mouth gaping, unbandaged eye wide open and fixed on his younger self with awe) but also be able to hear what he thinks. This is so unfair!, and Dazai might be right, though Chuuya can't bring himself to feel guilty in the slightest. He knew the moment they made the bet that Dazai would lose, it was such a refreshing feeling to be the one to best the other. That the brunet was so mesmerized by it was a bonus.

"Maybe you're right," the government guy suddenly says, his voice hushed, so his younger self couldn't hear them, "and you're really no siren but I think Chuuya is." The executive snorted at that. He hated to admit it because he despises the bureaucrat but the remark he made was kinda funny.

"And you're completely under his spell," Oda added teasingly and Chuuya loved the man because Dazai was getting all red-eared from the comment which made him look so cute. But I wanted to woo Chuuya! Oh god, anytime real Chuuya thinks the brunet couldn't get more adorable, the other must prove him wrong. Did the younger teen invite him to impress him? That's so endearing, Chuuya can't get enough of it. "You should compliment the kid as soon as the song ends," and the older redhead is just so fucking smart.

"Whatever," Dazai sulks, still upset that he didn't get to impress the older teen. The two men started to talk with lowered voices while Dazai busy was hyper-focusing on Chuuya's performance and it paid off. Real Chuuya was standing in a scarring accurate memory after all. His younger version finished the song and grinned at the brunet. The two older men roared and applauded him. Oda slapped his hand on Dazai's back, clearly to prompt him to say something, and Dazai did. "You sing good," he admits and since it's Dazai he just has to add, "for a dog." His younger self just laughs.

"Ha, you're just bitter 'cause you have to pay for my drinks!"

"Oh no," he claps his hand against his cheek, voice annoyingly sarcastic, "I'm going to be broke from paying for the two drinks you need to get wasted."

"You asshole!"

Okay, maybe he invited Chuuya intending to woo him with his singing voice. He could sing decently enough for it to be impressive so it was a good idea in his mind. Until it wasn't. How was he supposed to know that the tiny redhead had such a powerful singing voice? Dazai's own voice was nothing against it, honesty Chibi could be the lead vocalist in a band. It sucked that his younger self couldn't impress the tiny slug because he was far too occupied by being absolutely mesmerized by the older teen. He also had to pay for all the drinks Chuuya drank that night. Luckily, the tiny future executive didn't need many drinks to get wasted. What bothered his younger self was that Oda (it was so fucking good to see him, it also hurt a lot), Ango and Chuuya started to exchange stories and Dazai was the idiot in every single one of them. He consoled himself with the fact that they seemed to get along. Right now, real Dazai was sitting in Ango's car like their younger selves. The older male insisted on driving them home so they got into the backseat of the car where Chuuya immediately slung his arms around him in a drunken slumber which amused the older males to the misery of his younger self.

"So, where to?" Ango asked while Oda pulled out his phone ready to type an address into Google Maps to navigate them through the city.

"Ah, you can just let me out at-" his younger self didn't get to finish his destination because Chibi rudely interrupted him.

"Nooooo," he whined, tightening his grip as if he were afraid that the younger teen would leave the car any second. "You don't sleep in that stupid place."

"Excuse you? My place is not stupid," his younger self defended. Sure, it's a container and it lacks the nice warmth Chuuya's apartment has, but he can sleep there just fine. "If it were a person, it would be smarter than you -okay, that isn't hard- but my point still stands!" Chuuya tightens his grip, and his younger self felt the air leave his lungs.

"It's a fuckin' container. You're not sleeping there, you idiot," the tipsy and sleepy Chuuya mumbled against Dazai's chest.

"It's my home, where else should I sleep?" The tiny slug ignored him as he lifted his face from Dazai's chest to look at Ango.

"'You know where the mafia has apartments?" He asked, and Ango nodded. "Great, drive us there."

"No!" His younger self complained. "You drive me home first." Ango and Oda share a look, and then Oda types something into his phone. He reads the address out loud to check it with Chuuya and his younger self felt betrayed by his friends at the moment. "I hate it here," the younger teen states and tries to suppress his smile as Chibi lets his head fall against Dazai's chest once more. Ango looks at him all innocent, while Oda is suggestively wiggling his eyebrows before they drive off into the night.

Chapter Text

Chuuya is standing in his old bedroom, looking at the two teenagers that were resting on the bed. Dazai was awake, playing some game on his phone, and Chuuya's younger self was still asleep and also still clinging to Dazai. The brunet could move away but that would certainly wake the older teen and Dazai wouldn't risk that (he also didn't mind the closure at all). The executive sits on the spinning chair by the desk, turning it so he could watch their younger selves, like a creep. What else was he supposed to do while being stuck in Dazai's memories? He didn't have to look at them for long though because his younger self started to wake up. Slowly lifting his head, eyes adjusting to the light that flooded the room and then his brain booted up causing him to let go of Dazai as if he had burned himself.

"What are you doing here?" He questions, looking at the younger teen, who chuckles as he places his phone on the nightstand.

"You don't remember?" He sounded way too smug for this early hour, at least that was what his younger self thought. It was already past 11 am. "Are you a sleep talker?"

"Huh?" The older teen looks confused at his partner, eyebrows pulled together and head slightly tilted. Just like a dog, and fuck that asshole. Honestly, the idiot did this stupid side tilt far more often than Chuuya does, so if anyone is 'like a dog' it's Dazai. "What does that have to do with anything?" 

"Well, you kind of forbid me to go home and insisted on taking me to your apartment and Oda and Ango just went with it," the brunet let him know, clearly still upset about the way his friends listened to his younger self instead of him. "You all conspired against me," he whines, as he places his hand over his chest, dramatically clutching the fabric of his shirt at the utter betrayal.

"Since when do you listen to me?" The older teen questions, and it's a good question. As if I could say 'no' when Chuuya wants me to spend the night at his place, was the immediate thought Dazai had. The executive knew what Dazai would say before he opened his mouth. It was obvious what excuse the brunet would use.

"You threaten me," he lies, dramatically laying his hand over his forehand like a fainting woman from a silent movie. "I am no match against a brutal dog." That comment earns him a punch. "Domestic violence!" He cries out and his younger self rolls his eyes, deciding to ignore the comment for his own inner peace.

"Stop the bullshit and spit the truth," he demands and Dazai sighs, dropping his act as he stands up, knowing that Chuuya is too impatient for the artistic pause he makes.

"It's the truth." He lifted his arms to stretch his back and judging by the cracking and weird little noise he just made, it must've been hella satisfying. "You stopped me from going to my container since you were holding me hostage in a death grip." It's adorable how the younger teen tries to hide how happy the 'death grip' made him. Seriously, he had never expected the other to be so happy by something as simple as a hug when they were younger. He will later pinpoint Dazai's reactions to hugs as touch-starved behavior. His younger self isn't probably wrong with that one, he just never considered that someone like the demon prodigy could develop a crush, especially not on him of all people.

"Mhm, that does sound familiar," his younger self admits sheepishly, turning his head away from Dazai. "So, you staying for breakfast?" Dazai covers his mouth with his hand as soon as he starts to laugh. It's so sad that the teen seemed to be appealed by the beautiful sound that he creates. Chuuya will never understand why he hides such a mesmerizing sight.

"More like early lunch," he corrects, pointing at the clock that hangs on the wall. "But yeah, sounds good."

"Where were we exactly?" Dazai asks, eating crab chips while his younger self loads their last save point. Aloy stands in meridian in the palest.

"Eh, good question," the older teen says and opens the menu to look at the main quest in the hopes to find a clue. "Ah! We did beat that asshole who kidnapped Ersa," he remembers, "and I think the sun king wants to talk to us because we saved his life." He closes the menu and pushes the joystick in a direction to make Aloy move to where the sun king is resting. Real Chuuya sits between them on the couch so he can see manage to see the expressions of their younger selves.

"Then talk to him, Chibi," the brunet commands between munching down the chips. His younger self rolls his eyes but does talk to the sun king anyway.

»To say you have my gratitude feels woefully insufficient. You saved my life, you saved Meridian and because of you, there will be justice for Ersa's murder. We can mourn her knowing the truth, without painful uncertainty. It's hard to imagine where we'd be without you,« and while Avad, the sun king, praises Aloy, his younger self turns to Dazai with a smug expression.

"See how easy it is to acknowledge the work I do?" He teases, even though he knows that he wouldn't be in front of the sun king if Dazai didn't do all the boring riddles and annoying quests.

"You only accomplished this because I help you get through the 'boring' parts," Dazai made air quotes, upset that he had to put his chips down for it to have the desired effect. Before Chuuya could say anything, Aloy spoke up.  

»Avad, stop, there's something urgent we have to-« and the redhead girl gets interrupted.

»I know, but please just listen for a moment. I want you to stay in Meridian,« at that, his younger self and Dazai exchange a look, both thinking that it's not a good sign that the male wanted Aloy to stay.

»What?« The redhead on screen asked, confused and just as much on the edge as their younger selves were. Dazai didn't reach for his chips again as he stared at the TV. »Why?«

»Well, to start with, you kept the city from going up in flames, you're strong, shrewd -uh- capable,« the sun king starts and he suddenly seems so nervous and the younger teen doesn't like the direction where this conversation is headed. »I could use someone like you at my side.« The three different options that appear on the screen are marking this situation as another flash point in the game.

"Is he seriously flirting?" His younger self asked disgusted, "didn't his warrior girlfriend just die? They were together, right?"

"Mhm, they did fuck," he agrees, his gaze focused on the screen as he reads the different options they have: Like you 'used' Ersa (fist), I'm not a substitute (brain) and I need to go my own way (heart).

"She's like not even an hour dead! Who does he think he is?!" His younger self spits out, the joystick already hovering over the first option.

"Wait," Dazai says, "it's a short circuit reaction, so we shouldn't be too hard on him."

"He flirted with us inappropriately and you think we should be chill about it?" The redhead questioned, confused by Dazai's statement. "You like him, or what?" He scoffs and Dazai tuns towards Chuuya, vaguely pointing one hand in the direction of the screen.

"Look," he starts sounding defensive, "He has money, is handsome, rules the city, and has always listened to what we had to say, well, except for now but he has been kind to us and just lost someone important." There was a lot to unpack there because didn't the first attributes Dazai listed also kinda fitted Mori? Real Chuuya shook his head, he was not driving down that terrible road while being stuck in Dazai's memories. He will ask the detective what the fuck Mori did to him, then there was no denying that something was going on behind Chuuya's back and he desperately hoped it wasn't what his mind concluded. His younger self focused on one specific -and also very important- aspect and ignored everything else.

"You think he's handsome?" Chuuya lowered the controller, looking at Dazai, who nodded and his younger self just asked away: "Are you into dudes?" The question isn't judging or anything, it's out of pure curiosity and the fact that his younger self couldn't quite imagine Dazai being into dudes. The brunet also seemed indifferent to the question, at least on the outside. His mind was running wild, with all thoughts varying from Ahhhhhhhhhhh to Is this a good moment to tell him that I like him? to I have to play it cool. And Dazai decided that he should try to seem nonchalant about it. So the younger teen shrugged without a care in the world.

"It all feels the same when you close your eyes," he said, and immediately regretted it because it sounded way better in his head. Why did I say that? Ahhhh, that was stupid, you idiot! What is he going to think of— His train of thought gets interrupted by Chuuya's younger self.

"That sounds like you don't like it either way..." the older teen mumbled and real Chuuya realized that his comment, didn't only stop Dazai's train of thought, no, it did derail it causing Dazai's mind to turn into a train wreck, and the brunet was desperately trying to save the survivors by coming up with a witty thing to say that would show Chuuya that he totally would kiss a dude and would be fucking happy if that dude turns out to be the cute redhead sitting next to him. "Anyway," his younger self spoke up to get rid of the kinda awkward silence that hung between them while the brunet was trying to recover, "what would you select if not 'fist'?" No, no don't change the topic! Is the panic-filled thought Chuuya gets to hear? I couldn't even ask if you— I fucked up and now the moment is gone... It really shouldn't be that surprising to Chuuya that Dazai overthinks this, but the executive just never thought the younger teen would ever overthink something else besides a mission. Pull yourself together, the teen thought and focused on the screen.

"'Brain' of course," he answers, "we're going to let him down gently while also making it clear that we're never going to be his girlfriend."

"Mhm, you had that conversation a lot, hm?" Dazai looks at him with a risen eyebrow, not getting what the redhead was hinting at. So much for being a genius. "Turning a girl down gently," his younger self explains and then hastily added, "or boy!" Because he didn't want to be a jerk that ignored the talk they just had.

"I guess you could say that," the younger teen agrees, but somehow it didn't sound as bragging as Chuuya remembered. It sounded rather sad and the executive didn't like that one bit.

"God, you're such a womanizer." Dazai's mind is empty and quiet, at least Chuuya doesn't get to hear anything. Did that comment hurt the younger teen? The redhead couldn't tell and he hated it. "Or, well, more like -eh- what's gender-neutral?" he asked himself just to scream the first term he could think of: "Player! Yeah, that's what you are."

"Mhm, if you say so," and holy shit, why didn't his younger self realize that this whole conversation was running Dazai's mood?! The brunet seemed so sad, and his younger self is just so ignorant right now!

"By the way," his younger version voices, "did you do it with a guy?" It's almost hilarious how much Dazai beats himself up over not being able to ask Chuuya something because 'the moment is gone' but Chuuya himself just asks the shit he wants to know shamelessly and without any regard for Dazai's mood. God, he could be such a jerk. Okay, now answer honestly, playing it cool didn't work!

"No," Dazai admits.

"But you, like, wouldn't be opposed to it?" Real Chuuya honestly can't remember why he asked so many questions back then. Dazai was still sad, but he didn't appear to be offended by their talk. The brunet nodded in a silent answer. "So you're-" and now he got interrupted.

"Bisexual," Dazai said because I have to say it, not him, which was a fair point. "Got a problem with that?" Okay, maybe Dazai was annoyed by all the questions or, at the very least, afraid that his crush could have a problem with his sexuality, which was ridiculous (as if Chuuya could ever actually hate the younger teen) but out of Dazai's perception an understandable fear.

"Nope," he said, and then it was silent, apart from the background music from Horizon. It wasn't silent for the real Chuuya though, since he could finally hear Dazai's thoughts again. We talked about it. So...I can ask him too, right? It's amazing that Dazai is so afraid of overstepping whereas Chuuya's younger self just bombarded him with personal questions without a second thought.

"And you?" The future detective breaks the silence that surrounded them, and his younger self looks down at the controller in his hands. He seemed a bit lost.

"I never..." he begins, voice quiet as he shrugged his shoulders helplessly, "I always had other things on my mind than my sexuality."

"That's alright," his younger self was so surprised by the gentle voice that attempted to soothe him (and succeeded) while real Chuuya was so amused by Dazai's excited THAT'S NOT A 'NO' thought. "You gonna select 'brain' now?" His younger self doesn't answer but does what the other suggested.

»It might be worth taking a moment to examine what you just said,« Aloy starts her little speech but his younger self turns to Dazai instead of listening.

"Sorry, if I, like, pressured you into telling me with all the questions." Oh, so his younger self was aware of how annoying he has been. "But thanks for telling me," he speaks over the redhead on screen, and Dazai's unbandaged eye finds his with a look of surprise. "If I ever figure my sexuality out, you're gonna be the first I'll come out to!" Dazai blinked once, twice, and then a big smile stretched his lips so much it must've hurt. His younger self was so glad to see Dazai this happy. He will never tell him, though. He is going to figure it out with eighteen, but when he finally builds up the courage to tell Dazai (and confess his feelings), the younger one was gone.

»By the sun, you do indeed share much with Ersa including a withering eye for foolishness,« Avad sounded through the speakers and their younger versions looked at the screen to focus on the game.

Real Dazai just watched the memory where he came out to Chuuya and it was so lame. Why couldn't he come out more cool? And to make it worse, the tiny redhead just reminded him -unintentionally- of the times he had sex with strangers to gain information. That just sucked. His younger self desperately hoped that Chuuya would be the one boy he sleeps with when the time arrived, but it never did. Whatever they had was over before it started and it was all Dazai's fault.

They just finished a mission and were now walking through a forest until they'd reached a road to call a taxi. Real Chuuya was walking next to the teenagers, and both he and his younger self were eying Dazai. The younger teen was looking up and moving his face around. Chuuya smiled because he knew what the brunet was looking for, while his younger self grew more and more irritated until he couldn't stand it anymore.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asks, eyes narrowed as he continues to gaze at the other teen, who stopped to focus his attention on the leaves above them to sigh. 

"I'm trying to see the stars," and now his younger self looks up and immediately realizes that there's no way to even catch a glance of the night sky through the dense canopy of leaves. "As soon as we leave this forest we’re closer to the city and then I can't see as many -if any- stars at all."

"That bothers you?" That was a surprise for his younger self. Dazai and Stars? Seemed far-fetched (and absolutely adorable, god, Chuuya can't believe his luck to be able to witness Dazai stargazing once more).

"Of course it does," Dazai looks at him as if the older teen just said that he wanted to wear one of Ace's collars. "Don't you hate the starless nights the city provides?"

"Eh, well, I just fly up, you know?" Chuuya loves the night sky. He always did and on this specific night, he is going to learn that he loves the night sky far more when Dazai is right next to him pointing out all the constellations he sees.

"This is the first time I envy your ability," Dazai whispers and he looks so sad at that moment that his younger self decided to somehow make it happen so that the other teen could see the stars in all their glory. So, he lifted his foot off the ground a bit just to make it collide with the ground hard to catapult him into the air with his ability. He crushed through the branches and the stupid leaves that made Dazai look so gloomy. Real Chuuya smiles as he watches his younger self take off. He knew what his younger self was doing, Dazai on the other hand didn't know it at all. "That was so rude." And Chuuya laughs because, yeah, out of Dazai's point of view it was fucking mean to show off like that. He couldn't predict that he was flying into the sky to search the forest for a big and tall tree, capable of carrying both their weight on a branch above the tree tops and he did find it. His younger self crushes through the leaves next to Dazai, creating a small crater where he landed due to his ability. "You're such a show-off," the younger teen let him know with his arms crossed above his chest, and real Chuuya had to chuckle at the petty behavior.

"Come on, I'll just show off why I launched myself into the sky." He didn't leave any room for arguments because he grabbed Dazai's wrist and just headed in a direction, ignoring the comments and complaints the younger teen made. If the brunet hated it so much, he could've easily freed himself, since his grip wasn't very tight. They walked for a bit until they reached the tree Chuuya scouted while he flew above the trees. It's a gigantic tree. The trunk has a diameter of roughly eleven meters and the tree must be at least 30 meters tall because the height difference between this and the other trees is enormous. "We just climb up this tree and then you can see the stars," his younger self pointed to the tree, even though it wasn't really necessary with how Dazai's eyes were already glued to it.

"Unbelievable," Dazai says in awe, and then he suddenly runs towards the tree, which is quite shocking for his younger self because the brunet never runs without a reason, so seeing him break into full speed is ringing alarm bells causing Chuuya to run after him. "It's a Camphora officinarum," the younger teen explains while he's examining the tree with excitement, which is so amusing. "Those species can get so old and large. This one here has to be at least 600 years old, imagine what it witnessed..." The younger teen is starting to walk around the massive tree trunk, so his voice gets a bit muffled because both Chuuya's just keep standing in front of the tree, "...and their oil is used in the make-up industry. It's supposed to have an anti-aging effect, which is stupid. Like, who wants that? I'm gonna be dead before I get wrinkles anyway. Something is strange about this tree, though," Dazai wonders out loud as he is in Chuuya's sight again, slowly walking to stand next to the older teen once more.

"You mean apart from you being this happy to see a tree without planning to hang yourself on it?" His younger self provides. "Do you even want to see the stars anymore?"

"Of course I do! Chibi is so stupid," Dazai insults and avoids Chuuya's kick a second later. "You don't even realize how rare it is to see such an impressive tree."

"It's a tree, mackerel," the older teen says in a dry tone. Sure, it was a huge ass tree, but he just wanted to let the other see the night sky and not gape at a fucking plant.

"It's a Camphora officinarum," the brunet emphasizes, as if Chuuya was stupid for not being in awe of a dumb tree. "They are deemed to be very spiritual and are usually marked as sacred, so it's really rare to see one without any venerable decoration."

"Are you saying you're afraid there's an evil spirit?" And at that, Dazai laughs and it was so beautiful, that his younger self was really glad for finding this tree (real Chuuya was also very happy).

"Of course not," he answers the question after he calmed down. "It just seems so odd, like we're the first ones to find this tree..." His younger self uses his ability to jump onto the first branch that was just out of their reach.

"How about we be the first ones to climb this tree?" He asks, a playful smile on his face as he squatted down, stretching his hand down to Dazai in a prompting manner. The brunet looks at it and then smiles as he puts his hand into Chuuya's and the older teen pulls the other up. Dazai places his feet against the trunk to help Chuuya lift him off the ground. It doesn't take long until Dazai is standing next to his younger self on the tree branch (it's ridiculous how everything about this tree is fucking huge). The brunet lifts his head to look above them, just to see so many branches they'd have to climb. His face crumbles a bit because he just realized how often they'd have to repeat their little trick. "One down, fifty more to go," his younger self jokes and laughs when Dazai sends him a glare.

"Is it really a good idea to climb a tree with someone who's suicidal?" His younger self asks the Chibi with a grin. He wasn't interested in dying by jumping down somewhere, though he must admit that it must be an amazing feeling to just fall to your death. Not in this life though, no, he will just continue to tease Chuuya to kill some time.

"You frown upon jumping into your death," the tiny mafioso remarks with a grunt as he pulls Dazai up the next tree branch. They've been at this for a while now and they must be close to the top of the tree because the branches are getting thinner. "So how about you talk less and climb more, hm?" His younger self does keep his mouth shut after that as Chuuya flies to the next branch to pull the younger teen up once more. They continue this until Chuuya doesn't move towards the next one to pull Dazai up but sits down. His younger self still stands close to the trunk of the tree as he looks at Chibi, who smiles and wordlessly pets the wood right next to him. His younger self felt so stupid because he kinda forgot why they were climbing this tree. He got a bit distracted by Chuuya's strength and the way the older teen pulled him close so he wouldn't fall to his death. Being so close to the redhead was amazing in itself that his younger version didn't think about stars anymore. Chuuya sitting on the branch so high up in the air, dangling his feet and waiting for Dazai to take a seat next to him with a beautiful smile on his face, was a far prettier sight than the stars. Seriously, why is Chibi so amazing? His younger self carefully slides down, one hand on the trunk and the other on the branch to stabilize himself. He didn't want to fall, not when he could sit next to Chuuya and his younger self finally did sit on the branch but a bit too far away from Chibi for his liking so he is putting his weight on his hands to move his torso in Chuuya's direction very slowly. The tiny redhead chuckles a bit and watched Dazai's careful movements with the amusement of someone who didn't have to worry about falling. "Told you, you could see the stars from up here," Chibi said and he was right, the view they had was amazing. Other branches and their greenery got in their way a bit but that was to be excepted and it didn't interfere with their view. Dazai could even make out the city in the distance. Being this high up, overlooking the forest, and being able to see the stars with Chuuya right by his side could be something right out of a rom-com, and Dazai loves everything about it.

He doesn't remember what he said to make Dazai point at the night sky to explain every single constellation they could see from the tree branch, but he loves it. Seeing Dazai happily point at stars and info-dump him is the most endearing sight there is. Okay, maybe he is romanticizing this moment a bit -fine, you got him- a lot but who could blame him? Dazai speaking about space all bubbly and with such an intensity that it blinds Chuuya just like the sun does is an incredible sight, far more fascinating than the stars at the moment. At least if you ask real Chuuya then his younger version is drinking in the information Dazai shares with him like it's a fine wine. 

"You see those dark spots?" He pointed at the moon, and Chuuya nodded, fixing the full moon with his gaze. "Those are solidified lava!" God, Chuuya's heart can't take the overly excited Dazai without melting. The demon prodigy can just act so utterly adorable, it's infuriating. Chuuya is convinced that if his younger self had looked at Dazai instead of the starry sky, he would have fallen so fucking hard for the idiot. His eyes seem so bright and his voice is so joyful and his whole behavior is just so endearing. Anybody would fall in love with him at first glance. His younger self will realize that at eighteen.

"Lava on the moon?" His younger self does turn to the brunet, but he isn't taking in Dazai's cuteness and is instead focusing on getting an answer to his question.

"Yes, you see," the brunet forms a fist with one hand, "the moon was once part of the earth, or rather something collided with the earth, like a grazing shot," Dazai explains while he moves his hands to fit his words. "And the moon then developed from the remains. When the crust formed, it was still volatile inside and when meteorites fell in, they released the lava. After a while, the moon was solid, so that only craters were formed and no more lava flowed. Isn't that amazing?"

"Yeah," his younger self says and turns to look at the moon again like a fucking idiot. As if the stupid moon is a more stunning sight than Dazai is. Damn, he's way too intense about all of this right now. He was glad that his younger version took interest in the astronomy facts the brunet shared with him. The future detective will explain the whole night sky to him and everything he deems interesting enough, and lucky that's a lot because stars are amazing. He taught Chuuya how to find Polaris and how to roughly navigate with the fixed star. God, he misses their walks through the night to look at the stars. This ability makes him feel happy and sad at the same time because it was so nice to be able to witness this time long gone, but it also hurt so much. As soon as he is out of this fucked up ability he will talk to the detective and they are going to sort their shit out and then everything will turn out fine and they go stargazing again.

Chapter Text

Chuuya sits on the couch table watching their younger version play Horizon once more. They are almost reaching the end of the game, well, there are still a lot of hours left to play, but they already learned about Project Zero Dawn and the truth behind 'enduring victory'. Earth was threatened by a swarm of intelligent war machines due to a technical malfunction. Ted Faro, the creator of the war machines, asks a great scientist for help, Elisabet Sobeck. Humanity doesn't stand a chance so her plan is Project Zero Dawn. It is a terraforming system, an artificial intelligence named Gaia, which is designed to use its subordinated functions to make the planet habitable again after the so-called 'Faro Plague' kills all life on Earth. To do this, Gaia uses sub-functions that create machines to restore the atmosphere after the war machine plague wiped out all life. At the moment, Chuuya's younger version was holding the controller, slowly moving Aloy through the facility of Zero Dawn, the holograms of the team leaders, the so-called Alphas, explaining their tasks. So Aloy and Sylens, someone who communicates with Aloy via her focus, find the explanation for the machines reigning the earth. They also learn about Eleuthia, a subordinated function of Gaia with the purpose to repopulate the earth with humans once the conditions are stable enough for humanity. God, Chuuya loves the lore of this game series and he can not wait to play the third part as soon as it is published. And he is going to play it with Dazai because everything between them will turn out okay. They'll talk about their unresolved feelings and then they hang out again. Like they used to and maybe also be a bit closer, if Dazai still feels the same. Maybe they even get together? Real Chuuya shakes his head to get rid of his useless thoughts. He shouldn't get lost in all these memories. Dazai left. Without a word. The love the brunet felt for him burned out just like Chuuya's car, and the executive has to deal with the debris that's left behind. Chuuya hears Elisabet and Ted arguing about Gaia in the background and he also hears Gaia showing emotional intelligence in the form of empathy as the artificial intelligence is grieving the inevitable extinction of life, but he can't focus on it. He has been too lost in all the memories, that he forgot how Dazai ended their partnership before it could turn into anything. Did...did Dazai know that Chuuya also had feelings for him and decided that he didn't want him after all? But that feels wrong. Dazai’s feelings seemed so strong, so why the wordless goodbye? Oda died. Chuuya knew that that was the reason for leaving. But why did he leave without a word? It didn't make any sense...argh, he's missing something! There's gotta be something he doesn't know, something that will explain everything, and maybe this ability will show it. Yes, he can get the answers to all the questions he had through their memories...

It feels like betraying the fundamental trust they have in their partnership to use the ability to figure this out instead of talking to Dazai, but he's stuck in the memories anyway and there's nothing he can do about it. And Dazai is stuck in his memories too, learning everything Chuuya ever thought about him, which probably includes the poems he wrote...so they're even, right? Like, they are learning all about the embarrassing things they did while crushing hard on each other. The breach of privacy is not their fault, so it's okay. They are both stuck. They don't have a choice, so it's fine...

...right?

»The Alpha Registry Master File,« Aloy's voice rings through Chuuya's head and he turns around to face the TV screen. A cutscene has started to play. The red-haired girl is standing in front of a glowing red hologram of the Master File, that has a cylinder-like shape. She examines it.

»Intact?« Sylens asks immediately, and Chuuya turns his head to watch Dazai. He knows what is going to happen on the screen, he knows what the dialogue will be about, what he doesn't know is what Dazai thinks of it.

»Yeah...« She answers after a few seconds, »...no signs of corruption.«

»Then what are you waiting for? Copy the file!« The male commands her and Aloy starts the copy process.

»With this...« Aloy starts as she watches the file being copied, »I can restore the registry at the hatch inside All-Mother...open it...go inside.«

»And grasp the secrets within,« Sylens supplemented, always focused on the knowledge he can get from the information.

»Where I was born,« she sounds so hopeful as she continues Sylens’ input, finally beginning able to access the secret of her birth. »Maybe...maybe who gave birth to me.«

»Who!?« Sylens mocks, »Are you really so naive? There'll be no 'Who' waiting for you there, Aloy.« Chuuya is watching Dazai, whose gaze has shifted to look at his younger self out of the corner of his eyes. Did he know that Aloy's a clone? Is the question swirling in the teen's head. Of course, the brunet already figured out the twist of the story. Probably since the first time that Elisabet was seen. »Whatever birthed you into the world was a WHAT, not a WHO.« Sylens without an ounce of regret for Aloy's feelings.

»You bastard!« The redhead on screen hisses, anger in her voice, but Chuuya isn't interested in her reaction at the moment. He was hyper-focused on it when he was younger, just so he didn't have to look at Dazai, while the scene played. Is that the reason why he wanted to play it with me? Well, yes and no. Albatross wanted it and Chuuya came to agree with their dead friend as he had the talk about Arahabaki in the old car with Dazai. He wants to talk about it. That's why he was so insistent on playing a one-player-game. 

»Oh no, I had a legitimate birth, it's you, Aloy who are the creation of a MACHINE...but what KIND of machine, and WHY? Why were you created?« Sylens rants on and Dazai opens his mouth, but gets interrupted by a loud noise, eyes moving towards the screen.

»Eclipse!« The enemy group is infiltrating the facility.

»You need to get out of there! What you found is too valuable. YOU'RE too valuable!« Sylens screams into her focus, but she can't escape the explosion. She's about to lose consciousness as the murder of Ross gets into her field of view.

»Still alive? Good...« he mocks. »I have a more suitable death in mind for YOU...child.« And he kicks Aloy in the face, causing her to pass out.

"Did he fucking put his foot on our face?!" Chuuya's younger self screams but the focus of the executive lies on Dazai. The younger teen looks at Chuuya. He's trying to avoid the subject, the brunet concludes, confused by it. Why? And then he starts to analyze the behavior, his eyes travel to the hands of his younger self, which are almost crushing the controller, knuckles white from all the force he puts into the grip. The brown eyes move up his body, taking in the overall tenseness of the muscles, to land on Chuuya's face. The blue eyes of his younger self are seemingly locked to the screen as he convulsively tries to not face the brunet. He doesn't want to acknowledge it just yet, are the thoughts that reach Chuuya, I guess we don't have to talk about it now, so the brunet decided to play along.

"The audacity," he agrees, dropping the topic that was in the air around them and watching as his younger version relaxes, tension leaving his muscles. The cutscene continues, but the eyes of real Chuuya are still glued to Dazai. It's funny because he knows that Dazai is comparing himself to Sylens all the time in his mind since they started playing the game. But he isn't like him at all. Dazai is so human in all his worries and he has so much empathy, otherwise, he would've just forced Chuuya's younger self into admitting that he knew about the twist of the game. He didn't do that, no, he put his agenda on a shelf, patiently waiting for the right time to talk about it.

"You never tried it?" Chuuya's younger self asked the brunet, somewhat surprised. Their younger versions were currently walking beside each other through the night. They had just finished a mission, the black of their clothes hiding the blood of their targets.

"No, did you?"

"Yeah, with the flags," his younger version admits. "I'm surprised Albatross didn't ask you." He did, is Dazai's immediate thought, but he shakes his head, leaving real Chuuya confused. Why should Dazai lie about that? "Huh, weird."

"What's so weird about it?"

"Well, you two were so close and Albatross smoked from time to time, so I just thought he'd do what he always did: Taking a drag from his joint and pointing it in your direction as a silent offer..." Chuuya mumbles, "He really didn't do that? Not even edibles?"

"Nope," Dazai pops out the 'p', "maybe he just knew I wouldn't be interested in it."

"You're not?" the future executive stops his movements, causing the younger teen to stop too, head turned in his direction, an eyebrow risen.

"What's so shocking?"

"You..." real Chuuya chuckles as his younger self tries to come up with a way to put 'you just look like a drug addict' into softer words. "You carry a guide to suicide with you, and I know there is shit about mushrooms and stuff in it."

"Is that why you asked if I'd want to get stoned with you?" Dazai asks with amusement in his eyes and a smile on his face as he tries to suppress a laugh.

"Well, yeah?" His younger self starts to move again, and Dazai does the same. They're silent for a while, just walking beside each other, slowly making their way to Chuuya's apartment.

"I don't like dragging on cigarettes and stuff," the brunet quietly admitted, while shrugging his shoulders. "I tried it once, I just don't like the feeling...Odasaku was also very pissed at me for trying to attempt to smoke one of his cigarettes."

"So you don't smoke because of him?" Dazai just nods. He also told me weed is not good for my mental state. Huh. Well, Dazai did have a breakdown when they had their little weed session...but why did Dazai agree to it then? "And what if you don't have to actively smoke?" The brunet can't suppress his laughter this time and shakes his head. "Don't laugh, idiot!"

"It's just so funny how you try to get me to smoke," he explains, laughter still present in his voice. "Does none of your friends want to share a joint with you?" He mocks and dodges the little kick to his leg.

"They do!" His younger self screams, "I just thought your stupid brain could use a fucking break." And that's only half the truth. Look, Chuuya is not proud of it, but his motive behind persuading Dazai into smoking pot was simply one of childish revenge. The redhead had suspected that the brunet had a lot of embarrassing photos of his drunk self, which turned out to be true: The former mafioso probably still has the stupid picture where his drunk self hugs a plant. And since Dazai's tolerance for alcohol was so high, his younger self thought that weed might loosen the brunet up enough to do embarrassing shit. It worked somewhat. At first, he giggled a lot and it was so cute seeing Dazai all happy and babbling nonsense, but his mood made a 180, causing him to cry and Chuuya felt so fucking guilty for it. "Just try it once, alright? If you don't like to actively smoke, then we could shotgun, you know?"

An imagined scenario flashed in front of Dazai's eyes: Their younger selves so close to each other, smoke flowing between their open mouths, their lips inches apart from touching, and What if high-me does something stupid like kissing Chuuya? Dazai shakes his head to get rid of his thoughts and real Chuuya snickers.

"Gross," he interrupts Chuuya, who makes a 'tsk' sound, "I don't wanna shotgun with Chibi."

"We could hot-box in my car," he requests, ignoring Dazai's comment, because his younger self wanted to get embarrassing pictures of Dazai. "Ah, but it's new..." he grumbled, and then he had an idea. He excitingly grips Dazai's arm: "I can bake you brownies!" And Dazai's thoughts come to a full stop, just to double their speed a second later, happy thoughts about the cake Chuuya made for him and the fact that Chuuya wants to spend time with him so much, that he bakes. How am I supposed to say no to that?

"Fine, if you want to get high with me so badly," Dazai surrenders with a sigh, trying to make it look like he is doing the older teen a huge favor. Dazai is so happy behind all of his indifferent behavior. Sorry, Odasaku, young Dazai thinks, but how bad can it be? Real Chuuya can answer that for him: very bad. "But only if you bake brownies!"

"Deal!" Chuuya's younger self agrees immediately. The only reason why the older teen was so excited was the thought of being able to witness a high Dazai and the possibility of embarrassing pictures and videos. Real Chuuya finds that fucking hilarious because he took exactly one picture that evening and the only embarrassing part about it is, that it's his favorite, carefully hidden away so Dazai will never find it.

It's still in a folder on his laptop to this day.

Dazai's sitting on the floor, half facing their younger selves and half facing the TV screen. He wonders how much time passed already outside this ability because he saw almost two years of memories now. Did the others realize that something went wrong? What did the old man do to them? Were they captured? He won't know that until he's out of the ability.

He hates not knowing stuff.

He sighs as his gaze moves to his younger self, who's controlling Aloy's movements for once. Chuuya usually played most of the time, not that Dazai has anything against it. The older teen is amazing at the game, and real Chuuya probably knows that by now. Ugh. He hates this ability. Maybe, if he's lucky enough, the captor will kill him, before Chibi can talk to him about this experience. He was always alright with Chuuya not knowing anything about his feelings, having him close when they were younger was good enough, and now, well, seeing Chuuya from a distance was enough.

...

When did he start lying to himself like that? And since when were his lies this shitty?

It almost killed him when he left the mafia and he's not talking about his inability to take care of himself, no, he missed the older teen so fucking much it hurt. Heartbreak is a painful way to die. Your soul crumbles, and yet your body keeps you alive. It's stupid and the worst thing is that he did it to himself. He left Chuuya and all they could've been behind. Because he was scared. And now Chuuya is going to learn all about his stupid unrequited feelings and his crippling fear and he will do what he always does: worry. So, he should come up with a good lie before Chuuya forces a talk on him. Or he could just drown in a river? Yeah, that's a good solution too.

He turns his head to face the TV screen, right in time to see Aloy walk into the cradle facility that lies within the mountain, finally revealing the secret of her birth. Not that it was much of a secret, the game hinted at it pretty hard early on. At least Dazai felt like it did, but it's still satisfying to witness Aloy putting the puzzle pieces together and it was a big puzzle. After she obtained the Alpha registry, she was captured and tossed into an arena to die in a fight against a machine. Dazai remembered that he had to play that scene at first because Aloy didn't have her weapons so she couldn't kill the machine, which was 'boring' in Chuuya's eyes. So Dazai used the charged attacks of the machine to regain Aloy's weapons, handing the controller over to Chuuya immediately, who happily slaughtered the machine. A smile appears on the detective's face, even while playing a one-player game, they're a good team. After Chuuya had destroyed the machine, new ones were already attacking and before he could do anything, Sylens bomb his way into the arena, saving Aloy and meeting her for the first time from face to face. He always felt like he was the Sylens in Chuuya's life, always 'needlessly cruel' and yes, Sylens somewhat apologized for the harsh words he said when Aloy copied the Alpha registry, but it didn't erase all his misdeeds. Just like nothing Dazai'll do can bring back Chuuya's memories. His eyes wander to Chuuya's wrist, catching sight of the small blackened scar at the base of his right wrist. Is he aware of how he got it? Did Mori tell him?

Dazai hates that can't answer those questions. He should tell Chuuya before he ends his life. Maybe reveal it in a suicide note. Yeah. That's a good idea.

He lets his gaze glaze at the TV again. Aloy is inside the facility and a hologram of Gaia explains how there was a signal from an unidentified sender, that activated Hades, the self-destruction subordinated function that's needed in case Gaia needed to restart her terraforming project. Gaia initiated her death to save the earth from Hades and she cloned Dr. Elisabet Sobeck, her creator, to ensure that the terraforming system could be re-activated. But Hades corrupted the system with a virus and so all the subordinated functions fled their destruction, which also led to major malfunctions. After Gaia info-dumped on Aloy that she is the clone of Elisabet, the artificial intelligence explained her plan to destroy Hades and save the earth. It was a huge cutscene and Dazai was looking at the screen for the first time because back when they played the game his eyes were glued to Chuuya's reaction to the reveal. And his body was tense, his gaze fixated on the screen, clearly avoiding eye contact, just like the first time a cutscene hinted at Aloy being a clone.

»So...« Sylens starts, »you're even more extraordinary than I thought.« Aloy is having a breakdown, which is understandable, her hands are shaking as she puts them on the table in front of her, stretching her arms out, gaze unfocused and directed at the ground.

»I never had a mother.«

»What are you talking about? You had TWO, a dead woman and a machine,« Sylens doesn't give her a break, and Dazai asks himself if he ever let Chuuya catch a break between all the shenanigans and their teasing and their mafia life.

»I'm not a person. I'm an instrument...« she mutters and as she does Chuuya's body is shivering a bit, the controller in his hand shakes slightly, »...manufactured by a machine....« she continues, »...born in destruction...and fire.« She is so overwhelmed with all of this, feeling like her whole identity is a scam.

»To quench the flames and heal the world,« Sylens adds, and then his tone gets nasty, »how tragic to learn you're a person of towering importance. It seems you have a destiny to fulfill,« he reminds her, needlessly cruel, showing that his half-hearted earlier remorse meant nothing. He's such a huge piece of shit, and Dazai can so relate to that. He's like Sylens. »So when you're done feeling sorry for yourself, go to the Bitter Climb. I'll be waiting above in Gaia Prime's ruins.« And with that the cutscene ends, but Chuuya doesn't move the redhead on screen, he just waits. A few seconds pass.

"Did you know?" Dazai's younger self breaks the silence. He knows that the other will understand what he means by it. He's asking if he knew the twist of the game before they started it. He sees the way Chuuya's muscles tighten up some more, before his body slumps against the couch, the controller slipping out of his hands, creating a dull sound as it lands on the cushion of the couch.

"Yeah," he answers, after a while. His gaze still not meeting Dazai's. "I didn't expect it to hit this hard though," his voice is quiet as if he didn't want Dazai to hear his admission. He also maybe wanted to hide how his voice quivered.

"Do you...," his younger self carefully starts, feeling like walking on eggshells, "wanna talk about it?"

"Albatross gifted it to me with fifteen," the older teen avoided his question, "like a few days after the party," there's only one party he'd refer to as the party and Dazai sees them dancing on the car again in his mind and his younger self lets Chuuya talk without interrupting him. "I was confused because I don't play one-player games, but then Albatross started to explain to me why he wanted to play the game with me. I was intrigued. A red-haired protagonist who struggles with her identity and wants to know her origin? I had to play that, but then Albatross told me, that you should play it with us and I didn't like the idea and I didn't for a long, long time until we were hiding out the storm in the car and you- you just-" Chuuya struggles to put it in words, so he turns to face the brunet instead, a teary gleam in his eyes as he whispers, "you know?"

"Yeah, I know," his younger self reassures with a knowing smile. Their bond and Chuuya's trust grew stronger that day.

"Albatross knew it, right?"

"Huh?"

"He knew how you'd react, didn't he?" Chuuya questions the water in his eyes almost flowing over the rims of his eyes now. Dazai helplessly looks at Chuuya.

"Maybe," the brunet answers to at least say something, while shrugging his shoulders, not knowing how to make the older teen feel better again.

"I should've just played it with both of you back then," his voice gets teary, and Dazai panics. He's so fucking bad at trying to cheer someone up. "It's my fault that we can't do that anymore, if it wasn't for me they-" he stops, unable to say it.

"It is not your fault." That's a fact, there's no need for survivor’s guilt. Verlaine killed his friends. His friends decided to fight for him. "I warned them, you know?" And that got Chuuya's attention. "I texted Albatross to leave the bar, to flee the situation. He texted back that they've got it covered and that I should just focus on saving you." Chuuya a single tear falls from the rim of Chuuya's eye, silently making its way over his cheek. "It's not your fault. Verlaine attacked them and they chose to fight for you." The only sound is Chuuya's sniffing and heavy breathing. It takes a few moments until all the pieces of information sink in. And then Chuuya breaks.

"It is my fault," he screams, tears falling from his face as he jumps to his feet in a hectic movement. He's facing Dazai's younger self, who couldn't suppress the way his body flinched upon hearing Chuuya being so loud and hysterical. It hurt so much to see the older teen so lost and full of pain. "Don't fucking lie to me! If it wasn't for my existence, they'd still be alive, so don't you fucking dare to pretend it isn't my fault!" Dazai is still sitting on the couch so he has to look up a bit, to meet the other's eyes.

"It's not your fault," he states again as calm as he can manage, because staying calm is the only thing helping when you face a furious and at the moment emotionally unstable person.

"It fucking is!" Chuuya yells again and shuts his eyes, causing more tears to stream down his face. "I'm just a stupid code of stupid numbers for all we know!" his words get interrupted by terrible sobs, which makes it even more painful to watch because Dazai never knew how to calm down anyone. He's usually the one who riles them up after all. So he doesn't know how to react. Don't people hug when they're sad? But Chuuya seems too angry for that, and there's nothing else Dazai's younger self can think of. "I'm nothing more than a stupid instrument, just like Aloy!" His right arm points at the TV screen, right at Aloy, and the detective can't help but notice the irony of it. He's pointing at Aloy with the arm that has proof of his humanity on the base of the wrist. "The facility that created me wanted me as a weapon, the sheep used me as a weapon, and now the Boss of the fucking Mafia uses me as a weapon!" He spits out, voice breaking. “That's all I ever am and because of that I cause so much destruction and death, so don't you fucking dare to say it's not my fault. Seriously, say it one more fucking time and you will regret it," he threatens and it's so impressive how Chuuya can still be intimidating while in the mid of a breakdown with tears endlessly leaving his eyes and if anyone else would be sitting in front of Chuuya, they'd leave it at that. They might apologize and they might back down, giving Chuuya all the space he clearly needed right now. But Chuuya was sitting in front of Dazai's younger self. And the younger teen is not backing down, not when the topic is this important, not when the one person who's always so confident spills so much self-hating bullshit. Real Dazai watches as his younger self slowly stands up from the couch, turning around to face Chuuya and making use of those five centimeters he got on him to stare the older teen down. They're dangerously close to each other now, and his younger version seems perfectly calm and indifferent about it, but he was so fucking scared back then. Talking to Chuuya back then felt like he was poking a dragon with the horns of its dead child: a clear suicide attempt.

"You can threaten me all you want," he exclaims, not knowing where the hell he took all the strength from to keep his voice from quivering. "You can scream at me and kick me and punch me to death, but that won't change the fact that it's not your fault. And I repeat it as often as I want to because it's the fucking truth, so listen to me: It's not your fault." Dazai's younger self excepted anything back then as he mentally prepared himself for a punch, a kick, a scream, being tackled to the ground, or all of the above in that order. He wasn't preprepared to see more tears leaving Chuuya's eyes. The older teen sobbed and then he let his head collide with Dazai’s chest, his whole body slumming against the taller teen as sobs shook his body and his tears created a fast-growing wet spot on Dazai’s shirt. "Eh," was the response his genius mind came up with to comment on Chuuya's action. His younger self was so overwhelmed. That's probably one of those situations where you hug, and so Dazai gently moved his arms around Chuuya's body. One hand is being buried in wavy red hair, carefully massaging the sculpt while the other hand is soothingly rubbing circles over his back, because that's what people do, right? "It's not your fault," he says again, and feels Chuuya's arms around his torso, locking him into place with a tight grip as he tries to regulate his breathing once more. They just stand there and Dazai doesn't know how long they hugged like that and he can't remember how often he whispered assuring little it's-not-your-fault's into Chuuya’s hair until the older teen moves away. He immediately turns his face away from Dazai and stares at Aloy, who's still standing in the cradle facility. Dazai follows his gaze. "I don't see an instrument," Chuuya's eyes briefly dart to Dazai's face and realize that his gaze is on the redhead on screen. "I see a strong-minded, insanely stubborn redhead who's more humane than any other person in this world." It's easy to project what he wants to say to Chuuya on Aloy and he thought that Chuuya would get it.

"Yeah, Aloy's great. I was a bit mean to her, wasn't I?" Chuuya agrees with an awkward laugh, his voice so rough from screaming and crying. Dazai's younger self wasn't sure if the older teen knew that he wasn't talking about Aloy. The brunet closed his eyes for a second, preparing himself so he can be brave and make sure that the older teen knew he was talking about him.

"The redhead on screen is badass too, yeah," the brunet turns his head to Chuuya a soft smile on his face, even though he's so nervous on the inside, "but I was talking about the stubborn redhead right next to me." It took him so much to say that, but it was so worth it because Chuuya deserved to hear it with his puffy red eyes, his tear streaks, and his flushed face. He opened his mouth, just to close it right away, as if the slug turned into the mackerel and Dazai's younger self chuckled a bit, "didn't except that either, hm?"

"Are you serious?" And the question is so carefully spoken, as if Chuuya was afraid to shatter the atmosphere around them with unfortunate emphasis. His puffy blue eyes try to search for an answer in brown ones.

"I'd never lie to you about this," a fact at this point, one he had proven already and he will never stop backing up his words with actions. "You're not a weapon in my eyes. Sure, your gravity tricks come in handy, but I couldn't care less about that. With or without your ability: you're human, and one day I'll find the evidence to prove it to you." The eyes of the detective fall onto the small scar on Chuuya's wrist again. He can not die without making sure that Chuuya knows his origin. The dark scar is proof of his humanity because the clones don't have that scar. And the way the older teen has gotten that scar is just so Chuuya it's almost unbelievable. Dazai was researching it as soon as he became an executive, but he only figured it out after leaving the mafia. Chuuya got into a fight in elementary school and defeated a former student that was four years older than him because of course he did. The reason for it was also so Chuuya-like: The older boy insulted his parents. It's funny that he always had anger issues, but it's also adorable, at least in Dazai's eyes. The fire in Chuuya's eyes is just so beautiful, he can't help but to tease him from time to time.

"You sound so sure about it," Chuuya laughs a bit and it's more out of nervousness than anything else and it sounds so hoarse.

"Of course," and now there's a glint in Dazai's eyes and he smirked, "there's no way a clone could be as annoying as you are," he half-teases and earns himself a weak punch in his side. "Ow!" He whines, clearly pretending to be hurt and he sees the small smile Chuuya tried to hide behind his annoyed eye roll.

"Asshole," he insults, but it is too softly spoken to be taken seriously.

"Mhm, apropos, Sylens was a huge asshole too, so how about we go to the Prime ruin and punch him?" He points at the controller Chuuya abandoned on the couch. "But we can also just save the game and watch your stupid rom-coms if you'd prefer that." It's his way of asking if the older teen feels alright enough to play, or if he needs a break to process what happened on screen.

"Ha, I don't need a break, you idiot!" the older teen barked, seeing right through Dazai's disguised message, and grabs the controller to move Aloy through the facility. Real Dazai chuckles a bit because the older teen will take a break soon. The reveal of Rost's backstory just broke him again, tears streaming down his face once more. Dazai loves it. Chuuya's not afraid to show emotion. The detective kinda wishes he also had the strength to be more open. Chuuya's voice rips him out of his thoughts. "I don't think that Sylens is an asshole," he says quietly, the eyes of their younger selves glued to the screen. His younger self tenses up, and back then he couldn't tell if Chuuya meant Sylens or if he was using him as a placeholder for Dazai. But now, that he was able to see Chuuya's face and the way his cheeks were a bit flushed, he had an answer to that question. It's good to know that Chuuya didn't see him as an asshole when they were younger. His point of view certainly changed after Dazai left the mafia. Dazai's younger self didn't comment on Chibi's statement, their somewhat awkward silence was interrupted by the next cutscene and the memory fades away.

Chapter Text

"What are you doing?" 

"Trust me." 

"Dazai, why are you— No, stop! Don't put that in there!" 

"Ow, you didn't have to push me away, you meanie."

"You're ruining everything, of course I have to push you away!"

"I think you're doing great Dazai," a third amused sounding voice said and got a feisty "Don't encourage him!" from government guy and a "Thank you, Odasaku!" from Dazai as his answer. Real Chuuya was currently standing in the kitchen of the bureaucrat, amused by the fact that Dazai turned the once tidy kitchen into a battlefield whilst trying to bake a cake. Chuuya said 'trying' because the younger teen just wanted to put crab in the batter if it weren't for the government guy. 

"But crab tastes so good! It would be a perfect cake," Dazai whined as the bureaucrat took the canned food out of the his hands. 

"You asked me to help you make a redwine cake because that's what Chuuya'd like, so stop trying to ruin it!" Government guy scolded the brunet. 

"But with crab it would taste—" 

"No, it wouldn't taste better!" 

"How would you know if you never tried it?" 

"Because it's common sense, something you obviously lack!" 

"Okay, calm down you two," Oda intertwined, "let's just make the cake we planed to bake." And they did. Well, government guy did. Dazai was constantly trying to mess with the batter in order to make it 'taste better' but was shut down every time and scolded by the bureaucrat. Chuuya smirked. He knew full well that Dazai was being a nuisance so he wouldn't need to bake the cake himself. He remembered asking about the cake at his birthday party and Dazai avoided the question. Well, he was probably going to hear the brunet's thoughts about it. Maybe Oda suspected it too, because he was just watching the chaos unfold with a soft smile on his face. 

Real Dazai was standing in a bar next to Chibi's booth. It was his birthday and a few of his subordinates invited him to a nights out and they ended up in a bar. Chuuya was half-heartily conversing with them as he sipped on his wine. Every time his phone vibrated he immediately unlocked it to see who wrote him and a sigh left his mouth every single time. He always typed a quick reply before putting his phone away. The evening went on like this and Chuuya clearly was expecting a certain person to message him, because he always looked so hopeful when he got a notification, just to be disappointed. At some point, he thanked his subordinates and left the bar, looking at his phone every other minute, even though he knew no-one texted him because his phone didn't vibrate. He was waiting for the cab he called a few moments ago and unlocked his phone again, but this time, he scrolled through his chats until he landed on Mackerel. He tipped on the little bar and his keyboard appeared on the screen. His thumbs hovered over it, but then he closed the chat again and put his phone in his pocket to pull out his cigarettes and lit one of them. He seemed to be in a bad mood as he smoked and waited for his cab. Dazai just smirked. The mood of the grumpy older teen was going to skyrocket as soon as he stepped into his apartment that his younger self broke into to decorate. 

The sound of a key turning in the lock alerted the young Dazai and real Chuuya as they both turned towards the sound. Dazai jumped from his place on the couch and grabbed the present from the table, he  also switched off the little lamp to make the little fairy lights that were placed in the room stand out more. The cake he baked (tried to sabotage) was standing on the table also surrounded by the little lights. The door opened and his younger self stepped in and slickly switched on the lights before he closed the door behind him just to freeze as his eyes fell on Dazai. 

"Happy birthday!" The younger teen beamed and held out the gift to Chuuya. "I know you don't really like to celebrate but the flags wouldn't have stopped that and I am just returning the favor from my sixteenth birthday," he explained with a grin. 

"You broke into my apartment," the redhead stated and Dazai was getting a bit nervous at that reaction, lowering the present a bit. He didn't have to be because his younger self was happy. Not about the breaking in part of course, that really annoyed him. He was simply overjoyed that Dazai didn't forget his birthday and prepared all this for him, but if he'd openly show his happiness right away, Dazai would just assume it's fine to break into his apartment. It was an attempt at showing the other boundaries. It was going to fail and his younger self wasn't disappointed it would, he just pretended he was. 

"Eh, well, I thought that celebrating your birthday in my container would be rather sad and I knew you would go out with your subordinates so I had enough time to prepare everything, so yeah, perfect solution?" a nervous smile was on his face and he sounded rather hesitant about his genius plan, now, he completely lowered the present. This was the start of Dazai breaking into his apartment. The younger teen would wait a while until he broke in again, but at some point in their teen years, the brunet would already wait for Chuuya in his apartment, sitting on the couch, controller risen in Chuuya's direction as he stepped through the door, in silent question and his younger self stopped to complain about the trespassing. He was happy to have Dazai around and it also made it easier to persuade Dazai into staying overnight. The older teen just didn't like the idea of Dazai living in that stupid container, so any moment he was at his apartment instead of living in the dumb he called a home, was a good moment. 

"You could've texted me." 

"No, that would've ruined the surprise!" Dazai sulked, which caused real Chuuya to roll his eyes.

"Wait," his younger self narrowed his eyes at the other teen, "is that why you ignored my text?"

"Of course," the brunet grinned clearly proud of himself, "That way, it's even more of a surprise, just like the party you threw for me was!" His younger self realized that Dazai just copied him because he never planed a party before and the three parties he had to this day were probably his only ones. Now he couldn't hide the smile anymore. 

"Okay, I'll overlook you breaking in," he let Dazai know just to immediately clarify: "but just this time! Don't make a habit out of this!" 

"I'd never," the future detective said, like a liar. And real Chuuya couldn't help but grin a bit. 

"So, what did you get me?" He couldn't hold his curiosity anymore as he looked at the rectangular wrapped present that Dazai was holding. 

"Open it and find out, but I'm sure you're gonna love it." He moved a few steps towards the older teen, to hand it over and Chuuya inspected it. 

"Mhm, your wrapping skills have gotten better," he commented and real Chuuya laughed because he actually saw how Dazai tried to wrap it right as Ane-san was stepping into his office. The older woman did teach him a bit, it definitely was enough to wrap a rectangular shape decently. He used a bit too much paper so the ends were uneven and a bit to thick, but it wasn't that bad. Chuuya carefully opened the present and was stunned. It's Horizon Forbidden West. A few seconds passed and then he beamed with happiness. "Thank you!" With a big smile on his face he looked at Dazai, who just seems to melt a bit, because he thought that Chuuya is so adorable. "Wanna play it right now?" 

"Yes!"

"This sucks," Chibi complained and he was right. Dazai couldn't put in words how much he hated that every game has to download before you're able to play it. They thought it would be alright, because Chuuya's internet is rather good, but nope: the loading bar mockingly told them that it's going to be three hours. 

"Yeah, I didn't think it would load this long," his younger self stated while he was hanging upside down on the couch, his knees laying on top of the backrest, while the blood flows in his head. "What do you want to do while we wait, birthday boy?" 

"We can try the cake and watch something on my laptop," the tiny slug suggested and his younger self shrugged with his shoulders, which looked ridiculous in this position. "So, what do you wanna watch?" The older teen asked, leaving Dazai alone to go fetch his laptop from his bedroom. 

"Whatever you want to watch," the brunet replied and Chuuya placed the laptop on the couchtable, the Netflix emblem already glowing on the small screen. Dazai's younger self changed his position so he was sitting on the couch instead of hanging upside-down and watched Chuuya select a movie. 

"Are you sure about that one?" 

"I heard it's badass." 

"It is, it is, but do you know what happens at the beginning?" 

"Don't spoiler me!" 

"I won't, but seriously, you're not going to like-" 

"Just get the cake, Dazai," the younger teen raised his hands to show that he forfeights the discussion, but he did have a shit eating grin on his face, because he knew that the smaller teen would go through the five stages of grief in the span of the first minutes of the film. 

"It's a puppy!" his younger self angrily mumbled through the cake that Dazai just wordlessly handed to him on a little plate. Chuuya just stuffed it into his mouth to cope with his grief the most healthy way: through food. "Like why?" The future detective tried to surpressed it a bit, but he was amused by his misery. Classic case of Schadenfreude, because he actually tried to warn him for once and his younger self just didn't listen. "That was cruel and so unnecessary. I would've murdered everyone involved already," he raged, causing a few cake crumbles to fall out of his mouth and all real Chuuya could hear is that Chibi is so adorable. The redhead wasn't so sure about that as he watched his younger self sulk.

"Well, if you would un-pause the movie, we might actually get to see what happens next," the younger teen teased and amusement was such a great look on his face. 

"My favorite character is already dead!" His younger self whined. 

"I told you, you'd hate the beginning~" 

"Yeah, yeah, you did," he grumbled, reluctantly reaching for his laptop to unpause the movie just to stop right before his hand could touch the mousepad. He turned his face towards Dazai. "Say, did you bake the cake yourself? It actually tastes good."

"Eh, I had help from Ango and Odasaku," the younger teen admit, rather confused by the sudden change of topic. 

"Did they only help you or did you've been a nuisance until they just gave up and baked the cake themselves?" His younger self asked and secretly hoped that Dazai baked him a cake on his own. The little Ah, fuck thought real Chuuya heard was answer enough. He was right to be suspicious of the younger teen's baking skill. How did he figure it out this fast? Well, that was rather simple. Dazai was the nightmare of any kitchen with the way he was capable to burn water. That was also the reason why the older teen hoped the younger one did it himself. It was about the effort Dazai would have to put into baking a cake that made it important for Chuuya. Because it would mean that Dazai would focus on the task and try his best to not burn anything and that would just prove that he was important to Dazai. His younger self wanted to be someone to Dazai. This whole ability-thingy showed Chuuya how that was already the case. He was someone so special to Dazai that his heart couldn't take it. 

"They helped me," the brunet answered with a shrug and the eyes of his younger self studied his facial expression through narrowed eyes for a few seconds, only to sigh. 

"Tell them it tastes really great, will you?" And damn, did he sound disappointed. Dazai seemed to realize that as well then, he was actually already planing to bake the next cake entirely by himself. Real Chuuya smiled. He would bake the cake and it was going to look horrendous. Real Chuuya remembered Dazai standing in the middle of his apartment on his 18th birthday with fairy lights around him, holding the worst looking cake ever baked and stumbling over his words because he was self-conscious about the sad looking cake, but he didn't have to be because that was the exact moment Chuuya's heart was set aflame. In that moment, he realized that he was in love with the demon prodigy, so helplessly in love. He couldn't wait to see that moment once more through Dazai's eyes. 

"What are you doing?" Chibi asked, casting a shadow over the desk were his younger self was supposedly doing paperwork. Of course he wasn't working, no, he was mindlessly drawing on the page so focused on his self-proclaimed task against boredom that he didn't realize that Chuuya got close enough to look at his page so his younger self immediately coverd the paper. He had to keep his drawing save from Chuuya's stare. 

"Nothing!," he exclaimd and it was way too loud. The tiny slug looked at him for a second. 

"That's the fucking problem, you're supposed to work!" Chuuya snapped back and forcefully pried away Dazai's arm and took the paper to examine it. He paused. Over the boring printed paper there was a face that was half covered by an arrangement of different flowers and their greenery. "I didn't know you like to draw," the smaller teen mumbled as he stared at the paper. 

"I don't!" His younger self suddenly ripped the paper out of Chuuya's grip, crumbled it into a ball and threw it into the trashcan. He was just so scared what Chuuya would say if he knew that Dazai would like to draw professional if he weren't too ruined for a normal life. "Now choo so I can work, doggy."

"It looked good." It was weird that the redhead ignored the dog comment. Dazai wished to be able to hear his thoughts so bad right now, but he wasn't granted that luxury. "And it was only done with an old ballpoint pen...why don't you get better utensils?" Dazai remembered how his younger self was so surprised by Chuuya's genuine interest. He didn't make fun of him and he didn't even make a fuss about the work he should be doing. It was almost as if the redhead was being supportive of his secret passion. That was a first. No one ever said something nice about it before. Mori called it a waste of time, something only kids do while pointing at Elise drawing something to prove his point. The words hit deeper then Dazai'd like to admit, so Chuuya being interested and complimenting this 'waste of time' was too good to be true. His younger self tried to hide his passion, because he was too afraid that the older teen was just messing with him. But that wasn't the case. Chuuya gifted him an aquarell set and other utensils and he showed genuine interest. The older teen always asked if he could see his art in a gentle manner, not getting angry when Dazai dismissed his request, just accepting it before changing the topic. He called what Dazai did art and he meant it and Dazai could't describe how happy that made him. He started to test to waters with gifting Chuuya his works of a small reddish dog in order to see if Chuuya would lash out at him in anger, but he didn't. He just complimented the art, pretended that he wasn't aware that Dazai made fun of him and seemed happy to receive the gift. Honestly, he would've shown Chuuya more of his art, but his best works were drawings of the older teen himself and there was no way he would ever show that to Chuuya. 

Fuck. Will the ability show Chuuya the paintings? 

One look at them and the other would perfectly know that he was living rent-free in Dazai's head, even after leaving the mafia and even now: Chuuya was taking up a lot of space in his mind. He could never face the other again. He never wanted to let Chuuya know all of his pathetic thoughts, but now he was going to learn about all the times Dazai wished the other would just kiss him stupid. This was the worst thing that could've ever happen to him. He should've been over his stupid crush by now, it's been fucking four years. But he couldn't.  He would never be able to do that. He couldn't even get rid of one stupid drawing he made of Chuuya. He still had them, carefully locked away with his precious aquarell set that Chuuya gifted him all those years ago so he wouldn't draw him anymore. He was living on the side that saved people now. He should stop being so hung up on Chuuya.

"Don't be ridiculous," his younger self ripped him out of his thoughts. The faked indifference sounded hollow to Dazai's ears, no wonder that Chuuya figured out he actually liked to draw. "I would just waste utensils. Those are for people with talent."

"Mhm, people with talent," Chuuya mumbled, probably planing in that exact moment what he was going to gift Dazai to his seventeenth birthday.  

Real Chuuya was following their younger versions through the memory of a mission. It was a rather boring one to be honest. Simple information gathering always bored him and everyone knew that. The only reason why Chuuya had to attend the mission in the first place was to play bodyguard for Dazai.

"You wouldn't get to taste them all anyway," Dazai whispered to his sulking younger self, who mournfully watched the wine tasting being held at the other end of the room. They were seated at a table from which they had a perfect view of the whole place. Chuuya had no clue how the hell the brunet got them into this private party. Their mission -or rather: Dazai's mission- was to observe the relationship between the guests. There were a lot of wealthy and powerful people, who were well know to the public. Many politicians, actors, models, designers and other famous personalities of Yokohama's high society were gathered at this party. It was fucking stiff in here, most of the guest seemed to have a stick up their ass and it was stuffed so deep, it replaced their spine, which would explain why they were pathetic cowards. Chuuya remembered how out of place he felt back then. He had to leave his hat at home and change his wardrobe. The suit he wore remembered him of the time when he was in charge of the gem trade...and of the flags. He felt rather gloomy because of that and Dazai realized it right away. The brunet made it his secret mission to distract Chuuya from the sorrow that plagued his mind. There was only one way -if you ask Dazai- to achieve that goal: start banter. It was effective, but it was only during the drive. They had to blend in as soon as they arrived there so they couldn't keep insulting each other. It was so fucking boring. They had to suffer through the dry-ass welcome speech and had to sit through a five course meal. The food was actually the only good thing about all of this, especially because the whole situation forced Dazai to eat too. But now they had to wait until the wine tasting was over to finally reach the point of the party were they could move freely around in the room so Dazai could do his thing and they could leave this hell on earth. Dazai was supposed to (sweet-)talk his way into the inner circle to figure out who of them had the audacity (and stupidity) to try to blackmail the mafia. The easiest way to reach that goal was to flirt with the daughter of the host. 

Her name was Kohana Kadowaki. She was stunning, with her deep brown, almost black eyes and her wavy black hair. Her skin was rather dark compared to the other guests. Her make-up was perfect and yet subtle, just the right mix between natural and styled. She was the center of attention. She moved elegantly through the room in her pastel blue dress that reached the floor even with the heels she wore. As he observed her, his younger self remembered everything he read about her in the folder of this mission. The host of the party, Rokuro Kadowaki wasn't her biological father. Kohana's parents were close friends of Rokuro and as they died in an accident, he immediately stepped in to raise the 5 year old girl. He never had a wife, so he didn't have any family of his own, so the girl became his everything. He made sure that she got the best education and the best chances to persuade what she wanted to do in her life. And that she did, the girl studied medicine at the Keio University in Tokyo. She volunteered at an animal shelter and she rescued a lot of stray dogs. Her kindness, intelligence and compassion in addition to her looks are what made people swarm around her like the dogs at the shelter did. So in short: the girl was amazing, someone you want to have as a friend or as your girlfriend. 

His younger self abhorred her with every fiber of his being.

He couldn't really tell why he hated her back then and that made him hate her even more. Her life wasn't perfect, she lost her parents and yet he had not an ounce of empathy left for the girl. At first, he thought it was because she managed to get a loving stepfather and all the money she could spent but that didn't seem to be the reason as to why he despised every word that left her stupid pretty mouth. That deep hatred confused him so much. Anger wasn't new to him, hell no, most of the time it was all he felt thanks to Arahabaki, but usually, he could tell what aroused his wrath. He thought he was going crazy back then. It was ridiculous that his younger self couldn't explain the feeling, yet real Chuuya could. It was so fucking obvious why he hated the girl without ever haven spoken a word to her as he watched the memory. He was standing next to Kohana and the real reason why his younger self was so angry: Dazai, to be precise, a smoothly flirting Dazai, who convinced the twenty year old girl that he was eighteen with the evidence of a fake ID card. Chuuya's eyes focused back on his younger self that stood next to a wall and whose gaze was switching between Dazai and the girl. And every time the girl got a serious laugh, the one where Dazai uses his hand to hide his laugh, out of the brunet, his gaze darkened. 

His younger self was so fucking jealous. He just wanted the stupid mission to end, without realizing what ruined his mood in the first place. It was hilarious and also kinda sad. He couldn't even pinpoint that he was jealous back then, that was just pathetic. Dazai didn't even realize Chuuya's mood shift at all. The mind of the younger teen was strangely empty as he flirted with the girl. Real Chuuya didn't like that one bit, he couldn't explain why he felt like it was some sort of bad omen that he couldn't hear any thoughts right now, it was just a gut feeling. If Chuuya knew one thing for sure then it was that he could trust his instincts. He would talk about this with Dazai as soon as they get out of this stupid ability.

"Ugh, that took so looooooong," his younger self whined as he climbed into the car. Real Dazai just witnessed one of their old missions again. One where he had to flirt his way to gather information, which always sucked. He hated nothing more than those stupid mission, the only good thing about them was that he convinced Mori that it was better to have Chibi accompany him so he had powerful back-up if something unexpected happened. Chuuya made every boring situation bearable just with his mere presence. And knowing that he had Chuuya's undivided attention since he played the role of his bodyguard got his dopamine levels to new heights. It also allowed them to hang out after the mission and his younger self was keen on doing exactly that. There was no better way then to end a shitty mission by beating Chuuya in games and having the older teen close to him. "Wanna play a round of Mario Kart?" 

"No," the tiny slug answered, head turned to face the window instead of the brunet. His younger self found that very strange. 

"Oh, is Chuuya afraid he'd lose~" the future detective singsonged, leaning a bit closer to the smaller teen. The car drove off and Chuuya still hadn't turned around, his gaze glued to the landscape rushing by the window.

"No."

Real Dazai remembered how confused and shocked his younger self was back then. Chuuya not reacting to teasing... that was like the harbinger of the end of the world. The redhead never spoke this monosyllabic and it freaked him out. His mind went into hyper-mode, trying to analyze why the other teen didn't start to banter with him. Dazai noticed the stiff body language, the way Chuuya crossed his arms in front of his chest: classic picture of defensiveness. He concluded back then that the redhead had to be pissed at him. His mind was trying to come up with whatever he did to make the other ignore him like that but he couldn't figure out why. Even by reliving the memory out of Chuuya's perspective he had not a single clue. His dog had just fulfilled his task to keep an eye on his younger self and keeping him safe like the guard dog Chuuya truly was. Did he hate being his bodyguard that much? Of course he did. How stupid was Dazai to assume that Chuuya had a good time just because he felt better with the smaller teen's presence? While lost in thoughts, both, real and young Dazai, didn't realize that the car stopped, until Chuuya opened the door. 

"Bye," Chuuya muttered and slammed the door shut. 

"Where to now?" The driver asked, perfectly ignoring the pathetic sight his younger self created by having lifted his hand to stop Chuuya. Dazai let out a sigh as his younger self muttered an address to the driver. 

Right now, real Chuuya was watching the unusual trio of friends at their usual bar. Dazai was venting to his friends about how his younger self hated him for no reason and Chuuya found it absolutely adorable. He thought it was funny that the demon prodigy couldn't figure out that his younger self was only so moody because of simple jealousy. Dazai's friends seemed to know why Chuuya was behaving so cold towards their younger friend, because as the brunet explained the mission and everything to them, they shared a knowing glance.

"I don't think you should worry about it," Oda reassured immediately, the hint of a smile on his face. 

"He's right. Maybe Chuuya just didn't like the mission," the bureaucrat hinted at the reason but it flew past Dazai. "I'm sure everything is going to be alright tomorrow."

"Really?" Dazai sounded so hopeful as he looked at his friends and Chuuya could just die from the cuteness. Oda and the bureaucrat just nodded and they were completely right. His younger self would push his unexplainable wrath (also know as jealousy, if you weren't dense as fuck) aside by blaming the kind of mission for his mood swing and be his normal self that starts to banter with Dazai as soon as the other teases him. Real Chuuya sighed, ugh, Dazai was going to find out that he was jealous as fuck. The detective was going to make a stupid dog joke about it, something like 'Aw, my dog is so loyal, biting all the people that dare to get close to me'. Chuuya could already hear it.

Chapter Text

He was standing in Chuuya's apartment which was once more decorated with fairy lights and many fluffy pillows. It was the third time that the apartment was decorated that way and Dazai loved how they made a tradition out of their birthdays, always celebrating them the same way: with fairy lights and cake and movies or games. It was perfect. And Dazai ruined it. He left Chuuya and the tradition behind. Could it be even called that? They only celebrated their birthdays this way five times in total. Did five times make a tradition? Whatever it could be called, Dazai missed it so fucking much. He missed Chuuya. He missed their late movie nights and their banter. He missed how the smaller teen always fell asleep on him while watching movies. He missed it all. Especially the closure. They used to cuddle at one point, sure, it was because Chibi thought he was touch-starved but damn, he could not get enough of it. They had their own little world and he was happy, but he still shattered whatever they had built up in the end because he was a coward. And now, Chuuya was going to see how pathetic the so-called demon prodigy was. This stupid ability would be Dazai's doom.

"Noooooo," the dramatic whine of his younger self underpinned Dazai's current emotional life perfectly. "It's not available for us!" His younger self was holding the remote and stared at the TV screen which mercilessly told him that there were no results for 'Sissi'. 

"We can watch some other movie," Chibi suggested, sitting right next to Dazai on the couch.

"But I wanted to watch those movies!" 

"Movies? There's more than one movie about some princess of Bavaria?"

"Elisabeth was a Duchess of Bavaria and became Empress of Austria by marrying Emperor Franz Joseph I and later on, she also was Queen of Hungary," his younger self corrected him, "and the movies I want to watch are a trilogy by Ernst Marischka. Not that we can see any, stupid Netflix." 

"Okay, why do you know all of this?" The tiny redhead questioned as he turned his head to look at his younger self. Chuuya mustered him as if he were searching for an injury that could be the cause of a concussion. 

"Of course, a dog like you wouldn't be interested in history and culture like I am," his younger self responded, sounding aloof, and grinned as he let Chuuya smack him lightly against the shoulder. 

"Mhm, that's only half the truth. Spit it out already." 

"Oh, Chuuya's hat didn't eat all of his brain cells, a true miracle," the taller teen joked, but before Chuuya couldn't say anything, he started to explain the real reason why he wanted to see the movies. "The Empress had a beautiful painless death. She was stabbed with a sharpened nail file and lost consciousness and after that, her escort opened her dress and corset. The Empress woke up again and to the question if she was in pain, she said 'No. What happened?' and then dived right back into unconsciousness. She died without realizing it, isn't that beautiful?" 

"You're the only maniac who'd call a death 'beautiful'," Chuuya sighes, but then stole the remote control from Dazai's younger self. "But if you want to see a dead princess, I know the right movie." 

"You do?" The brunet asked intrigued, impatiently watching Chuuya change the streaming service just to raise a mocking eyebrow at the emblem that shows up on the screen. "Disney?" 

"Yup, how else do you get dead princesses?" Chibi countered the teasing rather unfazed as he clicked through the myriad of movies the service provided. It didn't take him long to find the one he was looking for, so he started it. 

The credits were rolling but neither of the teens paid them any attention as they were currently arguing. Dazai was trying to convince Chuuya's younger self that Snow White bit the apple because she knew it was poisoned and wanted to die, whereas his younger self argued that she's just a little bit too naive and gullible. Real Chuuya watched their argument with amusement. 

"Even the animals tried to warn her. There's just no way she didn't know it."

"Would you listen to animals?!"

"I would be wary at least!"

"Ah yes, I see it right in front of me", his younger self starts to mock Dazai by pretending to be a moderator of a news show as he takes on a serious tone: "Osamu Dazai, feared demon prodigy, has left the crime scene. According to the survivors' testimonies, he was last seen talking to a rabbit. The police concluded he lost his mind and is a danger to society."

"Nakahara Chuuya, loyal dog of Osamu Dazai", that earned him a punch against the shoulder but the younger teen continued unperturbed, "died in a fire. An eyewitness reported that the young teen refused to run away because he didn't want to follow all the animals that fled the forest." 

"Okay, I see your point", his younger self admitted reluctantly, "but you can't compare the two situations!"

"Because I would win our debate that way?" 

"No, you ass, it's because the animals in Snow White tried to pull the girl away or try to attack the witch so it's-" his younger self stops, realizing that he basically supported Dazai's argument with the words that want to leave his mouth. He was about to say that the way the animals tried to warn her was obvious but then he would have agreed with Dazai. 

"It's what?" The future detective asks with a complacent smile. 

"Nothing."

"Really?" The younger teen tilts his head with feigned innocence but the amused glint in his eyes gives him away. "For me, it sounded like you wanted to say that it's obvious how the animals try to warn her but -oh my!-" He lifts a hand over his mouth in an act of pretend shock. Dramatic bastard.  "That would mean you're agreeing with me, no?" Now he stopped his act with a shit eating grin and it was a good look on him. Annoying, if it was directed at himself, but he still could appreciate the way it made the younger one look so alive (and stupidly handsome). 

"Ugh, don't twist my words!"

"I'm not twisting anything. You also think it's suspicious that she didn't get the hint, right?"

"She's just stupid and naive, not a suicide maniac like you are," his younger self defended, but then his face turned serious. "Speaking of, if you ever willingly get poisoned, I'll fucking punch you in your stupid face!" The brunet stared at him and then laughed and it was the one he always tried to hide, the real one that's so beautiful and real Chuuya just melted. 

"I'll keep that in mind", Dazai said, still laughing a bit. Real Chuuya rolled his eyes as he remembered what the stupid blockhead said to him, after he punched him awake from his death slumber in the middle of the mess that was the Dead Apple incident. He also remembered the soft hand that rested on his cheek, carefully gracing it as they fell to the ground surrounded by the stupid fog. "Let's keep watching princess movies, yeah?"

They watched many movies, both of them adoring Mulan and Merida. Dazai also loved Aurora and the idea of sleeping for eternity. Somewhere in between all the movies his younger self fell asleep, head leaning against Dazai's shoulder. The younger teen switched Disney princesses for Netflix documentaries and grabbed his sketchbook that Chuuya's younger self gifted him. He started drawing and the rough watercolor paper was decorated with strokes of various thicknesses forming a girl holding an apple in her dainty hand. God, Chuuya loved his drawing style, it looked so playful, and yet, it had something dark. It depended on what he drew. For example, the girl holding the apple looked pretty, curved lines creating her face, making it appear friendly and a bit naive, whereas the apple itself was drawn rather harsh; a hard contrast to the soft lines. It was so impressive how the brunet played with the lines and contrasts. Chuuya kinda hoped he'd get to see more of Dazai's drawings. Chuuya is so fucking glad that he got Dazai the Aquarell set. God, the younger teen was so touched by the genuine interest he showed and that was so adorable. It didn't matter what Dazai showed him, he loved the drawings. The younger teen was so talented. And the way Dazai's eyes seemed to sparkle when his work was complimented? The happy look was priceless. Chuuya would swallow his pride every time just to see it, pretending to be unaware of the fact that Dazai was making fun of him with the perfectly drawn dogs with red fur. The younger teen usually refused to show anyone his stunning paintings, so Chuuya was glad to be able to see them. Even if the younger would only gift him drawings of a dog that was small and with reddish fur. He just adored all of the brunet's drawings. And after a while, Dazai started to gift him paintings of a swirling night sky or a majestic looking deer in a forest. Chuuya kept every single one of them. He has a whole binder filled with every piece of art Dazai gifted him over the years. Chuuya even saved the beautiful doodle of a face with different flowers out of a certain someone's trash can. That drawing was the first piece in his collection.  

They just finished a mission. It was a sunny day and they were walking alongside fields and meadows. The mission had taken them to rural areas. It was silent, except for the chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves swaying in the wind. A peaceful atmosphere, so they decided against calling someone to pick them up. Real Dazai watched as his younger self jumped on a small wall that was right next to the path to make sure no one could fall down the little slope. The stones of the wall were already overgrown with moss and had large cracks. Some stones had also already loosened and lay on the ground. But Dazai never cared about safety anyway, so he walked on there without a care in the world. It also wasn't dangerous to fall down, but he sure would have trouble getting back up to the road again if he fell down there. His younger self was in a rather good mood and showed it by starting to whistle a melody. Chuuya seemed to be in a good mood as well, otherwise, he would've told the younger teen to be quiet. They continued walking towards the next bigger village where they could probably call a cab back to the city. 

The peaceful walk got interrupted as his younger self kicked a Dandelion that grew on the wall so the little seeds flew in every direction. Chuuya witnessed it and immediately jumped on the wall in front of Dazai, preventing him from kicking the last two dandelions. 

"Why'd you kick it?" He asks as if it's some big deal and oh- Dazai remembered this and he desperately hoped that Chuuya wouldn’t see it or more importantly: He hoped he couldn’t hear his thoughts for this one. 

"Eh?" His younger self tilted his head to the side, looking down at Chibi.

"You wasted a perfect dandelion," he explained, leaving his younger self even more perplexed. 

"But it's just a weed?" Chuuya musters him for a second and some kind of sadness saddles on his face. But it was gone as fast as it came. 

"Why am I even surprised," the smaller teen sighed and squad down to pick the dandelion. He held it in front of his mouth, blew, and aimed it so that all the seeds flew into his younger version's face, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut. "That's how any other person does it. You seriously never done that wishing-on-Dandelion-thingy?" Chuuya threw the stem of the flower over his shoulder. 

"You wish upon them?"

"Well, yeah. It's said that if you're able to blow all the seeds away in one breath, your wish will come true or the person you love will love you back or something like that," and that piqued his younger self's attention. Not that he believed in any of that crap, but trying it couldn't hurt, right? They did live in a rather strange world after all. "But it's just fun, honestly. The sheep told me about it and well..." Chuuya picked up the last dandelion but this time, he just touched the fluffy part of it and used his ability on the pappus so that the seeds swirled around Dazai. "It's especially fun with my ability." 

Dazai looked so adorable as he gazed at the dandelion seeds that swirled around him. His features softened and the corners of his slightly open mouth tilted upwards as he stared in childlike wonder. Seeing the younger teen be in awe by such a simple thing was just the cutest. Now the younger teen reached out to touch a few of the parachute-like seeds (papu? Pappun? Dazai told him what the fuzzy part is called but Chuuya was preoccupied at the time), causing them to lose their momentum but unlike other things affected by Chuuya's ability Dazai touched, the seeds didn't lose their lightness. They still flew around effortlessly and Dazai carefully caught them with his hands until every last one of them was resting on his palms that formed a slight bowl. He grinned, mischief sparkling in his eyes as he directed his hands towards his younger self, and before the older teen could protest, Dazai blew the seeds in his face. Does it count? Can I make a wish now? God, Dazai was so precious. Chuuya couldn’t help but smile at the hopeful thought of the younger teen. 

"Does that count?"

"I don't think so," his younger self responded as they both watched the seeds slowly glide through the air. A small breeze came up and blew the seeds towards the meadow that was at the bottom of the small slope. He remembered how his younger self was pleased by that. The seeds would actually grow into flowers if they kept their direction. His eyes could make out yellow flowers and fluffy white ones. Oh, the meadow down the slope was like an ocean of dandelions. He glanced towards Dazai, who was also glancing at him and it was funny because even without this ability they're stuck in, Chuuya could tell what the other was thinking. So he was just able to stop the younger one as he was getting ready to jump. Chuuya pulled Dazai back by the shoulder and turned him to face him. 

"No," his voice was stern as he looked into brown eyes and real Chuuya just smiled because he already knew how this was going to end. 

"Boo, Chuuya is a killjoy!"

"We don't have time for this," his younger self remarked. "Do you remember what happened last time you decided to slide down a slope?"

"We had fun?" The younger questioned, then added teasingly: "That's why I called you a killjoy~"

"No," corrected his younger self, ignoring the other’s last comment, "we were covered in mutt and it took ages to get clean again."

"But it's not muddy."

"But it's grass."

"And?"

"..."

"What, are you afraid of grass stains?" Chuuya was silent and Dazai blinked at him before he broke into uncontrollable laughter, one hand over his mouth to selfishly hide the beautiful sight and the other hand was on his belly as he bend down a bit to ease his laughing fit. It was semi-successful. His younger self crossed his arms over his chest. 

"It's not funny."

Dazai just laughed more, trying to speak but failing, all that came out were wheezes and weird syllables. But real Chuuya could hear his thoughts and those were running wild. He just thought it was hilarious that the scary, scary gravity-manipulator of the portmafia was afraid of grass stains, so Dazai thought up ridiculous scenarios, like this one for example: Chuuya's younger self in a gloomy looking cell, already bloody from the torture, all badboy attire and then losing it because the captors bring in grass to stain his pretty clothes. Chuuya couldn't help but laugh at it too. His younger self got more annoyed with every passing second, but Dazai and real Chuuya didn't care while they both lost their shit over the imagined scenarios the brunet came up with. The younger teen actually had to sit down, now half lying on the stone wall, while his younger self was standing next to him. Chuuya remembered how he thought about kicking Dazai down the wall at that moment. Well, to be honest: It wasn't about the grass stains at all. His younger self saw it as an opportunity to hide the true reason. It took a long time for Dazai to calm down. Once he did, he jumped back to his feet. The stones made a quiet cracking sound underneath his shoes. 

"Okay so," he started and his voice sounded a bit rougher than usual, still quite amused over the other's 'fear', "if the stains are a problem, then I will just pay for new clothes like a good dog owner does." 

"I'm not your dog, you can keep your stupid money!" 

"Perfect, then there won't be a problem if you pay for new clothes yourself." The younger teen was trying to step down the wall to get to the meadow at the end of the slope. Chuuya's younger version stopped him again. 

"It's not really about stains," he mumbled carefully, avoiding eye contact as his gaze turned towards the ground. "I saw a warning sign with a snake." To his surprise, back then, Dazai didn't laugh at him. The younger teen actually looked rather serious, lost in thoughts for a while. Oh, the brunet thought, it's about the lab... and he was right in his assumption. Fuck, I laughed like an idiot! Yeah, well Chuuya himself laughed too, so that's alright. The scenarios Dazai came up with were way too funny. 

"It's alright, we don't have to go," and it was so unusual for Dazai to just give in without trying to convince him. None of his 'my predictions are always true'-bullshit. Before his younger self could say anything, they heard a loud cracking sound. Being in the mafia came with heightened reflexes, so they both realized within milliseconds that the sound came from the stone wall, to be exact, the stone right under Dazai. Everything after that realization happened really fast: Dazai jumped, but he was moving in the direction of the slope and then Chuuya's brain short-circuited because the slope meant snakes and snakes meant poison and poison meant horrible experiments in a lab and scary nightmare-esc trips. He simply couldn't let Dazai fall down there, so he grabbed him and violently pulled him back. He put way too much force into that, causing Dazai to collide with him and normally, he easily could've kept his balance, but due to all the fast and heavy movements, the stone underneath Chuuya crumbled. Losing his footing, he fell, his back colliding with the dirty road, which hurt a lot especially since Dazai landed on top of him. The younger teen tried to soften his fall, which meant that his hands reflexively pressed into Chuuya's chest, causing the air to be pushed out of his lungs. Their position was so uncomfortable, little stones dug themselves into Chuuya's back stinging all the wrong places like a drunk acupuncture apprentice. 

His younger self looked up and saw Dazai's face, a few centimeters away, eyes wide, lips parted as his body was still in shock. They're both mafiosi and used to the hectic world where one move could be your doom, so they worked a bit faster and had sharper reflexes than most people. And the situation they were in didn't last longer than a few seconds, but being so close was still a shock to both of them. And Dazai? Well, Chuuya rather enjoyed the thoughts that rushed to the younger's mind in hyper-speed.

We're so close. His eyes are so pretty and his lips- I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him so bad. We're so close. I could totally kiss him. But then he would kick me and hate me and never ever would talk to me again and I can't have that and ah this moment is taking too long already! Chuuya's stupid rom-com-filled brain totally knows what's running through my head right now!

Chuuya didn't. Not a clue whatsoever about what was running through the other's head. 

His younger self was just glad that Dazai didn't jump down the slope. It's ridiculous really because the possibility of a snake being in the meadow down the slope was just as high as a snake being on the little road they landed on. A tiny stone wall wouldn't stop a snake. Hell, most of the snakes probably were chilling under loose stones of the wall anyway. Also, snakes were rather shy animals. Who could blame them? A snake was basically a big noodle with a head and for a noodle with a head, the world was a very, very scary place. That was at least what Dazai's favorite reptile channel on YouTube said. And yes, Dazai had a favorite reptile channel, implying that he followed more than one. He did bug Chuuya to watch a few videos with him, in an attempt to lessen the fear. It didn't work as well as the younger teen hoped. But Chuuya still agreed every time the younger wanted to show him a new video. How could he not? Dazai was only this extremely invested in snakes to cure Chuuya from his fear and that was so fucking adorable that Chuuya didn't stand a chance against Dazai's snake facts. And it all started with this. With the memory, he was currently watching and it was going to be reinforced by their little weed-session.

I have to throw him off! I need to say something! Ahhhhh, I can't think of anything! Why is this happening, did I hit my head? Am I brain-dead? Why can't I come up with something? I have to say something! 

And with the additional knowledge Chuuya gained through this ability, the words that left Dazai's mouth back then were way better, way sweeter in their randomness, as Dazai's lips opened to blurt out the first thing that came to his mind: 

"Tiger Keelbacks are venomous and poisonous snakes!"

"What?"

"What?!" Dazai echoed, sounding equally confused (and embarrassed) at the words that left his mouth in a rush. Chuuya's younger self was slowly straighten up, leaving Dazai enough room to do the same. Now Chuuya was sitting on the ground with Dazai still awkwardly on top of him because the younger teen was too overwhelmed by the entire situation to think straight. Emphasis on the straight part, because Dazai's mind was still focused on their closure and Chuuya's lips and kissing and all that. 

"Why- Did you hit your head?" His younger self questioned, unable to comprehend the sheer randomness of the words. The only conclusion must've been that the brunet hit his head and had a concussion. So, the older teen carefully moved his hands towards the brown hair, inspecting the head for wounds, which resulted in Dazai being pressed against Chuuya more. The younger teen was internally screaming right now, cursing himself for his stupidity. He was so embarrassed and his ears were all pink, but it didn't catch the attention of Chuuya's younger self, which was a shame, cause real Chuuya surely appreciated seeing Dazai like this: all cute and embarrassed because of something he said in bi panic. 

"I didn't hit my head!" Dazai protested while he slapped Chuuya's hands away. His brain was finally catching up to the moment, processing anything, and came up with (in Dazai's opinion) the best solution: Fleeing the situation. He stood up and started to take large steps, moving further and further away from Chuuya. His younger self jumped up.

"Wait for me!" He demanded as he sprinted to catch up to the brunet. 

"No, Chuuya is stupid!" Dazai accelerated his steps and soon, he was running. 

"Hah?! What did I do?!" His younger self screamed as he sped up too, running after Dazai. It was a fun little race, at least for Chuuya. Dazai was probably having a very bad time. Running was useless anyway, Chuuya was fast after all, and had more endurance, even without his ability. And when he would reach the brunet and they slowed down, walking beside each other once more, Chuuya questioned the random fact again. But the running had bought Dazai enough time to think up a 'believable' explanation. He claimed that he only thought of that fact because Chuuya told him about the warning sign. Tiger Keelbacks lived in their region, so it was perfectly normal for him to try to educate Chuuya. It was so shitty. Chuuya couldn't believe his younger self let the other get away with that sorry excuse. But it didn't really matter anymore. 

Real Chuuya chuckled while he watched the silhouettes of their younger self get smaller and smaller in the distance, screaming insults at each other while running faster and faster. His gaze wandered off to the left to look at the stone wall or rather, the big hole in the stone wall. Their little stunt caused many more stones to crumble and fall down. Leave it to Double Black to destroy a probably hundred-year-old stone wall in the blink of an eye. Chuuya smiled. He loved the chaos they created wherever they went.

He still did.

He was sitting next to Dazai. A lot of memories flew past him and he was sure that it must've been a few months after their dandelion talk. The younger teen was at his typical bar again, chatting with Oda about theories and topics of all sorts. The bureaucrat wasn't there, probably ditching his friends to do government shit and so Dazai was babbling on and on about his current obsession: Ranking Snakes in their deadliness. In front of Chuuya, the younger teen was just talking about facts, never really rating them in their ability to kill. At first, his younger self was so fucking pissed that the other even talked to him about snakes in the first place thinking the younger teen wanted to make fun of him, but then he learned why Dazai did it and then he couldn't be mad anymore. 

"So, having said all that," Dazai concluded his little fascinated rant about different venomous snakes, "I think the black mamba is the deadliest snake, don't you agree?" Oda looked at the excited teen, took a sip of his whiskey, and let all the facts run through his head again. After a while, he turned towards Dazai with a serious expression on his face.

"I think the deadliest snake is the one right in front of you," the older male explained in his calm manner. Oda was one of the few people who let Dazai just talk and ramble on about anything that went through his mind. The first person who just listened to the teen was probably Albatross and somewhere in between the years his younger self also learned to enjoy the sight Dazai made while he explained things that interested him with adorable excitement.

"What if the snake in front of me is a corn snake?" The younger teen argues. "A corn snake can't kill me." 

"But you would be able to recognize it, right?" The question was followed by a small nod from Dazai. "A person who couldn't would just be horrified by the possibility that it might be venomous. Also, it doesn't really matter if you are standing in front of a king cobra, a gaboon viper, a rattlesnake, or even a black mamba, what matters is where you are and how fast you can get help. What matters is your health, maybe you could be allergic to snake venom, so you could probably die through a bite from a hognose snake. So it's irrelevant what snake has the deadliest venom because your problem is the one right in front of you. But from what you told me snakes don't want to waste their venom on us. It's precious to them and they need it to survive. I read about a theory once that was about how snakes don't even know that they're venomous. It claimed that they only know that it's their best way to defend themselves and to get their food." Oda was such a good friend. Not only did he listen while Dazai was info-dumping him, no, he could even provide his own input. Chuuya wondered if he had similar conversations with Dazai. 

"Mhm, I never thought about it that way," Dazai mumbled and before he could add anything, his phone vibrated shortly. "Oh, it's Chuuya!" He exclaimed all excited as he pulled out the phone. 

"How do you know?"

"Because I changed the vibration notification so it would fit him better," he explained and Chuuya wanted to kick him. Leave it to Dazai to find a way to insult his height in any conversation. He unlocked his phone, clicked on the chat, and stopped. There was only one message and it was not even a word, it was just an emoji: two leaves that swirled around in the wind. Oh, so the time had come. Ugh, of course, did the younger teen drink beforehand even though Chuuya actually told him not to! Their weed-session was about to begin and mixing alcohol and weed was not a good idea. Hell, that was probably the reason why the younger teen couldn't remember much of it. At least Dazai claimed that he couldn't, Chuuya was about to find out if it was true. Dazai was slowly slithering down the bar stool until his feet touched the ground. "I have to go now."

"A mission?"

"No, just meeting Chuuya. I promised him to-" Dazai hesitated for a second, clearly hating the fact that he was going to lie to Oda because the older male was against smoking weed, "-hang out today." 

"What are you two doing?" 

"Eh- Just playing Horizon, nothing out of the ordinary."

And Oda smiled, making Dazai feel even worse for lying to him as he heard the: "Have fun!" the older man screamed after him. 

Chapter Text

Dazai was watching Chuuya, who pulled the baking sheet out of the oven, letting the brownies cool off, while he cleaned up his kitchen. He started by putting the utensils he used into the dishwasher, then he cleaned off his red KitchenAid with a paper towel before he used his gravity manipulation to let it float to its usual spot on top of one of the shelves. It's ridiculous that Chibi's kitchen was so big. He even had one of those fancy kitchen island thingies. Chuuya's whole flat was so extra, to be honest. There were only three rooms, but his kitchen, dining room, and living room were an open space design. So when you stepped through the door, you saw the dining table in front of you, to your right was Chuuya's fancy kitchen, and to your left was the living room. The back of the couch was used as an artificial extension of a wall to separate the living room from the rest. His bedroom was ridiculously large and the door for it was behind the dining table. In the bedroom were a desk and one of those boxy IKEA shelves that were filled with books, folders, and plants. The bed was also stupidly large for Chuuya. Chibi could sleep in a children's bed, after all, there wasn't any need for this king-sized bed. His bathroom was also way too big, just like the bathtub in it. Ridiculous. And did Dazai mention the balcony? No? Well, it was also pretty large and connected the living room with the bedroom. Dazai's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Chuuya also stopped what he was doing to open up the door. 

"I told you not to break in," Chibi greeted his younger self as cheerful as ever. 

"You told me to not break into your apartment, which I didn't," the younger teen countered with a smug smile. 

"Ugh, I hate you so much."

"Glad the feeling is mutual," he lied while stepping past Chuuya, acting as if that comment didn't sting. He was so pathetic. "It's rather cold in here, but I guess you have your dog fur to keep you warm."

"Asshole," Chuuya replied and closed the door. "I had to let air in because I didn't want to have my apartment reek of stinky weed." 

"Oh, the lengths you go for being high with me~" his younger self mocked and started to close all the windows to keep the cold air out where it belonged. 

"Whatever," Chuuya grumbled while he put the brownies on a plate and placed them on the couch table. Then he let himself fall onto the couch and the additional pillows he threw on there. "Just move your ass over here already so we can do this." And Dazai's younger self did, now awkwardly sitting on the couch as well, staring at the plate on the couch table.

"How do we do this?" 

"What do you mean?" Chibi laughed and reached for the plate to push it in Dazai's direction. "We just eat and watch something till it kicks in." His younger self hesitated before reaching for a brownie. 

"And when does it kick in?" He questioned while eying the baked good in his hand, slightly regretting that he agreed to this because he was afraid he could spill some stupid shit while high. Mortifying things like 'I love you so much Chuuya. Can we please kiss?' would just be his end. And to real Dazai's misery, he couldn't remember most of this experience, just the beginning...and that was bad enough already, to be honest. 

"Mhm, it depends on different factors like how often you consume weed and how your metabolism is," Chuuya eyed the brunet, "I guess it's gonna be roughly an hour for you to start to feel the effects and then like three more hours to feel the full effect." 

"Oh," his younger self was still staring at the brownie in his hands. Ha, holding it back then felt like holding Pandora's Box. It just didn't hold sorrow and diseases and all that stuff, no, the little brownie was filled with the possibility of Dazai humiliating himself completely in front of Chuuya. Dazai was aware that his behavior couldn't have been more ignominious than the first high minutes he remembered because otherwise, Chuuya would've made sure that he never forgot it. Sure Chuuya kinda blackmailed him into never getting high with anyone but Chuuya, but the older teen admitted that he was only bluffing. So, yeah, couldn't be that bad, otherwise, Chibi would've taken advantage of the situation by taking pictures and videos. But since he didn't it couldn't be so bad. "And you?"

"Ah, I'm a bit more used to it, so it will kick in a bit later than yours," Chuuya is so calm about this. It's weird. But well, Chuuya didn't have a huge secret crush so he didn't need to fear anything at all and the redhead did dumb shit already because he drank too much, so this wasn't any different for him. "Didn't have brownies in a long time though. I'm more used to smoking it." Chibi confessed, taking a brownie from the plate as well before he placed it on the table again. "So what do you wanna watch?" He asked and handed Dazai the remote. It made Dazai's younger self feel weird for making it such a big deal internally, so he took a bite too. And like everything Chuuya made, it tasted heavenly.

They just sat there, silently watching the scenes that flicker over the TV, waiting for something to kick in. They were halfway through the fourth episode of some sitcom when his younger self started to feel strange. Real Dazai remembered how his body felt weird. He felt dizzy but, like, with a delay? He leaned his body forward and it still felt like he was sitting normally, but as he started to lean against the backrest again, it felt as if he tilted forward. It was a funny feeling, so he played with it, moving around on the couch, causing Chuuya to catch on to what was happening.

"How do you feel?" Chibi asked with a knowing smirk.

"I feel funny," and his younger self fucking giggled. "My brain is delayed, it's nice. Like I do this," the younger teen leaned his body to the right, "and then I do this," and he leaned his body to the left, "but it still feels like I'm on the right!" God, his younger self was way too excited about this and now he was swaying from left to right and right to left, getting faster and faster because it felt even funnier like that and then he lost his balance. His back collided with the pillows on the couch and his head fell onto Chuuya's lap. They’re both shocked by this, but his younger self recovered first, laughing, but his coordination sucked because the hand he used to cover up his mouth was hovering over his chin instead. Chuuya stared at him. Great. Now Chuuya witnessed his ugly laugh. Dazai hated his high self. The older teen suddenly pulled out his phone, a stunned expression on his face as he unlocked the device with shaking fingers and- wait. Was Chuuya taking a picture of him?! Wow, Chuuya really had blackmail material and wasn't bluffing back then, that's just...truly awesome. But…why did he never use that photo against Dazai? Why did he say he was lying about having any material? "This feels nice too," he admitted, happiness clear in his voice and Chuuya looked so amused by it all while he packed away his phone. 

"Does it now?" 

"Mhm, and like this you can actually feel tall for once because I have to look up to see your face!" Unsurprisingly, that comment earned him a harsh flick to his forehead. "Chuuya is so mean to me without any reason!"

"I have a lot of reasons." The older teen let the brunet know. Real Dazai hated that he couldn't hear any thoughts from the redhead. Like why did Chuuya let him rest on his lap? He could've easily pushed his younger self away but he didn't. 

"That can't be, 'cause I'm an absolute delight~" his attempt at sounding overconfident got interrupted by his own giggles, and real Dazai saw how Chuuya fought to keep the corner of his lips down, successfully suppressing a smile. But his eyes shine so brightly with amusement, the gaze that focused on his younger self was so soft that Dazai didn't trust his eyes for a second.  

"Whatever you say." Hearing the smile Chuuya tried to fight off in his voice was just too much for young (and real) Dazai. It was so unfair and the worst thing about it is that Chuuya would know how much he had the brunet wrapped around his finger. It was downright pathetic how horrified Dazai was to have to face Chuuya after this whole ability-induced walk down memory lane.

Dazai lied to him. Well, that wasn't really a shocking discovery, but still! He told Chuuya he couldn’t remember anything about their little weed session but here Chuuya was, standing in the perfect replica of a moment long gone.

“Be a good doggy and fetch me more brownies!” Dazai demanded, still resting his head in the lap of Chuuya’s younger self. His younger self couldn't help but chuckle, because the other teen was the one acting like a dog here, and to emphasize it, he started to pet Dazai’s hair carefully. Dazai seemed surprised at first but then he melted into the touch, closing his eyes with a barely noticeable smile on his face.

“I think you had enough,” Chuuya said after a while and then added in a mischievous voice: “Also you’re more like a dog right now.” The eyes of the younger teen immediately flew open at that, eyes narrowed, lips moving downwards to form a frown and it looked way too adorable.

“I’m not a dog!” He complained but didn’t move from Chuuya’s lap to prove his point.

“Oh, what are you instead?” Chuuya’s younger self humored him still moving his hand gently through brown hair. The eyebrows of the brunet pulled together in concentration, his mouth slightly open as he tried to think of a reply. He thought for quite a while.

“Meow.”

The idiot mimicked a cat noise. All this concentration and that was what his genius mind came up with. Chuuya’s younger self stopped to pet his hair, looking down at the other teen in utter disbelief. And real Chuuya just lets out a sigh.

“Did you just-” Dazai tried to get Chuuya to pet him once more, by using both of his hands to press the other’s hand against his hair. “What the fuck, Dazai.” The older teen stated, still trying to wrap his head around what the other just did, and mindlessly continued to move his hand through brown locks. “Don’t ever do that again, you weirdo.”

“No promises~” Dazai sing-songed and even though it was so cute, all young Chuuya did was shake his head in disbelief. “Our dear city is full of rats, after all, someone has to play cat to chase them out. It’s my duty as  a future mafia executive.”

“You’re babbling nonsense, demon prodigy,” Chuuya teased, and the younger teen grinned up at him and reached out to play with a strain of red hair. The older teen couldn't pinpoint if Dazai was making the cat-like gesture because he wanted to tease Chuuya or if he was just reaching out for the sake of touching him. “God, you’re so high.” Dazai chuckled. It was at that moment that Chuuya’s younger self realized that Dazai’s other hand reached for the plate on the couch table to get the brownie himself. Distracting the older teen with cat-like behavior almost worked in Dazai’s favor. “Oh, no you don’t,” he caught Dazai’s hand before it could reach the brownies. 

“But I have to!” Dazai sulked, weakly trying to free his hand only to giggle when his attempt failed. “I can’t allow Chuuya to get any higher,” he pouted and Chuuya was confused for a few seconds until he caught on.

“You mean taller, right?”

“Yes!” The younger teen exclaimed, suddenly sitting back up again, almost knocking their heads together but before Chuuya could call him stupid for it, the younger teen turned around and was looming over Chuuya. It was a fast and uncoordinated movement. Dazai was clearly feeling dizzy as he moved so that his legs were folded and he was seated on the other’s lap, legs caging Chuuya’s hip in place. Their heads even bumped together but that doesn’t seem to bother the brunet on top of Chuuya’s younger self. Dazai was leaning down now, bringing them face to face and then his right hand to his forehead just to carefully move it towards Chuuya as a form of measurement. But since he was high and sitting on top of the other it wasn’t working. The invisible line the other’s hand was forming was anything but straight. But for the strangely concentrated teen who stuck out his tongue a bit as he tried to do his measurements right, it seemed to reach the results he wanted to see. “See!” He exclaimed way too loud for being so close and Chuuya didn’t even know what he was supposed to see. “I’m higher- eh taller, wait…no- eh- I’m…I need to eat more brownies so I can make sure you never get higher than I am!”

“You are high enough already. Seriously, are you even aware of where you’re sitting right now?” His younger self sure was pretty aware of the situation. Chuuya remembered how weird he felt back then with Dazai sitting on his lap. It was all his mind could focus on. And since his younger self was a stupid idiot, he didn’t understand why it felt that weirdly good to have the younger one sit on top of him.

“You are so mean!” The brunet sulked, ignoring Chuuya’s last sentence. Real Chuuya started to suspect that the younger teen probably didn’t even register the meaning behind it. Dazai didn’t seem to have a clue where he was sitting at the moment. “Why did you even make so many brownies when you only allowed me to eat one?! That’s sooo cruel of you!”

“I used to make them with Albatross for the others, so it’s a rather big load and I just-” Urgh, that was a side-effect Chuuya hated about weed, he always was so fucking emotional over stupid things. His younger self was stopping mid-sentence to swallow down the lump in his throat. “I guess I just did it out of habit.” Dazai looked at his younger self with sadness written all over his face.

“I should’ve just smoked, then you wouldn’t have to go through this,” he mumbled, lowering his gaze downwards, focusing on nervously kneading his hands. “I’m sorry that you had to bake for me.” The way his voice got quiet, almost fragile, made young (and real) Chuuya’s heart sink. It was such a painful sound that hit so deep.

“For all the times you should have apologized, this is not one of them,” Chuuya’s younger self stated. He just couldn’t handle Dazai getting all quiet and small sounding. It was such a huge contrast to his teasing (and annoyingly adorable) behavior. So his younger self just had to reassure the other teen. But it was very weird to hear his own voice this soft. And what was even weirder were Dazai’s thoughts right now. They were louder and all over the place. He’s just saying that to prevent me from crying all annoyingly, he doesn’t really mean it. That was the thought that reached Chuuya, but at the same time, he also heard Why am I sitting on his lap?! and I made Chuuya sad, I’m horrible! and I feel dizzy and Chuuya’s eyes are sooooo pretty and it was a lot. Was Dazai’s mind always this loud? It was so chaotic, so contradicting. Did he just constantly suppress all other thoughts and the weed loosened the control he had over his overactive mind? Sure, there were times since Chuuya was stuck in this stupid ability when Dazai’s brain went into hyper-mode spitting thoughts in double time. And there were times when all his thoughts came in at once making it impossible to understand anything at all. But…It was never this chaotic before with Chuuya still getting to hear all the thoughts. All the different thoughts seemingly arrived at the same time in such a short amount of time. God, that must've been so headache-creating for the younger teen, and trying to keep his own mind in focus all the time must be so fucking tiring. “I was the one who suggested baking, remember?”

“But I-” he got interrupted by Chuuya’s younger self.

“And it helps somewhat,” at that, the brunet started to look into Chuuya’s eyes again. It was still somewhat timid because he only tilted his head a bit upwards to be able to look into the other’s eyes. That was something the older teen couldn't have. Dazai was not supposed to be like this. He was supposed to tease him or ramble on about stuff he liked, all excited. And so, Chuuya had to keep reassuring the other teen: “I guess it’s more bearable now that the last time I backed edibles was for you, you know?”

“So you’re not upset?” Dazai carefully asked, looking right into the eyes of Chuuya’s younger self now and the older teen smiled at him. What did I do to deserve that pretty smile? God, Dazai was so in love, what did Chuuya ever do to deserve this love?

“Not really, no.” How could he be upset when Dazai was sitting in his lap and looking all hopeful at him with his stupid pretty eyes? “Don’t get me wrong: it will always suck that I won’t ever get to hang out with them like we used to-” his voice got weird again, so his younger self decided to change the topic. He didn’t want to get sentimental right now. “But I think they would’ve had a blast with you being high.”

“You think so?” Both Chuuyas gazed at the feared demon prodigy of the port mafia who was sitting all happily and content on top of Chuuya, deep brown eyes looking with awe at the red-haired teen as if he was the starry night sky. His younger self fought against the grin that wanted to stretch across his lips.

“I know so,” he said, trying not to sound too amused by it. The Flags would've loved seeing Dazai like this. God, Albatross would’ve loved this immensely, he would’ve pulled so much matchmaking shit on them like the insanely good wingman he used to be. Dazai beamed at Chuuya’s younger self and it was such a pretty sight that even his younger self was slightly in awe by it.

“What did you guys do while high?” The brunet asked all curious and it was way too cute. High Dazai was just so unaware of everything he did. He was sitting on top of Chuuya like it was nothing, whereas he normally would freak out about them being too close and blurt out some random fact in bi panic.

“Uh, we just chilled. Watched shows or talked about random shit, nothing special.” Mhm, the flags wouldn’t sit on his lap all happy. And if they dared to, Chuuya would've pushed them off immediately. His younger self was honestly a bit confused as to why he enjoyed Dazai being so close to him this much.

“I can talk!” He blurted out. If baking helped him to not to be as sad, then talking will help too, right? and that was so adorable of Dazai. The thoughts swirling around in the younger’s head were all over the place though. He was still confused about sitting in Chuuya’s lap, but he liked it too much to worry more about it and he felt sad about the flags and Albatross. His mind was so chaotic right now, that it seriously caused Chuuya a headache. Was Dazai’s mind always this active?

“Oh yeah? ’Bout what?” His younger self asked with a grin, glad that the other teen was not this weirdly quiet anymore.

“About a lot of stuff! For example: Did you know the fuzzy white stuff from a dandelion is called pappus? That’s such a funny word. I just looked that up because I was annoyed that I called it fuzzy stuff in my head and then I thought that it must have a name and it did!” Dazai giggled at that before he continued to ramble on, but Chuuya’s younger self was not really listening to him. Since he accomplished lifting the mood of the brunet, the thoughts of his younger self wandered off to analyze his weird happy feeling. Dazai so close to him was doing something to him. And his younger self would blame the weed on all of it when he was sober, like a complete idiot. Seriously, why was his younger self so fucking dense? Right now, the older teen was looking at Dazai’s hips, thinking that his hands would look good there. Yeah, his younger self thought they would look incredibly good there and so he just put them there, causing Dazai to stop his enthusiastic rambling.

“Chuuya?” He questioned, his voice quivered nervously as he looked at the older teen. The thoughts of the future detective were running fucking wild. Ahhhhhhhh, what is happening?! and Nooooo he’s going to shove me off his lap and his hands are so warm and lots of other thoughts were racing through his head.

“You were just moving too much, can’t have you fall down because I would never hear the end of it,” his younger self shamelessly lied.

“Oh, okay,” the other replied, moving a bit closer to Chuuya to minimize the chance of falling off before continuing as if nothing happened. His younger self was so shocked by the fact that Dazai didn’t point out that he hadn’t been moving at all. Yeah, in that moment, Chuuya’s younger version swore to protect the unusually gullible teen with everything he had. Not a single person in the world would ever get to see this side of the teen. Not a chance. They would just take advantage of his state of mind. Hell, he wouldn’t even let the flags witness Dazai’s weed-induced behavior. No, only he could see it. It was only fair, he did have to put up with all of Dazai’s teasing and this was his reward. Real Chuuya just couldn't believe how dumb his younger self was and how right Albatross was about that whole monopolizing thing. His younger self started to move his hands a bit, just slowly moving up and down a few inches along Dazai’s sides and drinking in the flustered reaction of the other teen, who continued to go on and on about random facts. Chuuya’s younger self was listening again, amused that the younger teen was starting to get red ears. His eyes seemed to dart away from Chuuya and his mind was on overload. There were so many chaotic thoughts, but he continued to talk. “…speaking of, you know what else is a cool animal?” He’s not giving Chuuya any time to answer, “Snakes are! They are so-”

“Urgh, why do you have to be such an asshole all the time?!” His younger self spit out, and the grip around Dazai’s hips started to border on pain as he looked angry at the other teen. “You know I don’t like snakes, so why do you always have to bring them up? I hate it!” And at that, Dazai’s mood was destroyed again. He let his head fall down and seemed so small all of a sudden. Of course, he hates it! Now I ruined everything, he’s going to ignore me again and be so fucking angry at me and I deserve it. Why do I always screw it up? It was only a matter of time before I anger him once more because I suck so much. Albatross wouldn’t be like this…what would he do now?

“I just thought it could help you,” he started and his voice was quivering so much that it fucking hurt. Dazai’s body language got also more tense in response. “You’re afraid of them and fear is usually caused by not knowing things. So I thought that if I tell you all the cool facts there are, you would get a better understanding of them and that would minimize your fear. I should’ve known it was stupid. I mean you’re only afraid because of their venom, right? It makes you think of the lab, and the stab wound you got with 15, so it’s not helping at all and…,” he mumbled and Chuuya’s heart just broke. His younger self realized at that moment that Dazai had watched hours of snake videos and learned all the facts about them because he wanted to help him. He wasn’t making fun of him, he wasn’t being an asshole, he just wanted to help him in his own special way. Chuuya remembered how happy that made him, even though it was so stupid. Dazai caring about him just always warmed his heart, no matter what. So he could stomach some snake facts if it was Dazai who told them.

His younger self was so in fucking love with the brunet.

God, Chuuya couldn't believe that it would take so painfully long for him to understand his feelings. That was embarrassing, honestly. His younger self didn't say anything to Dazai’s little speech, but the harsh grip he had grew softer once more and his hands slid to the back of the younger teen, gently pulling him closer. Chuuya’s arms sling around Dazai’s torso in the process so that he hugged him. They were pressed against each other and Chuuya let his head rest against Dazai’s chest. Dazai stayed tense for a bit longer, confused as to why Chuuya didn’t say anything at all. Bandaged arms wrapped themselves very carefully around the older teen’s neck, then Dazai held his breath (so adorable) and waited for the reaction. Chuuya’s younger self just tightened his grip shortly as a form of reassurement and Dazai let out a huff of air he had been holding, starting to relax into the hug. Real Chuuya started to smile but it was rather sad because he already thought about the memory that was about to play out very soon. He couldn't bear seeing Dazai cry. It made him feel like he failed and he felt so fucking helpless. But right as the memory should’ve reached that point, the surroundings blurred and then he just saw black.

Huh? 

What was happening? Was he finally getting out of the ability? About goddamn time, he wanted to talk to Dazai so bad! They were going to talk shit through and then make everything work out somehow. Suddenly, Dazai’s thoughts rang in his ears, causing Chuuya to lose hope of getting out of there anytime soon. He could see their younger selves sitting on the couch, still hugging each other for a few seconds until the black was surrounding him once more. Dazai’s thoughts reached him and they were chaotic, but so happy that Chuuya couldn't help but smile. It was weird to stand in this black abyss with Dazai’s thoughts reaching him. Sometimes, colors flashed in front of Chuuya’s eyes or the laughter of his younger self reached his ears and it was trippy. Wait. That’s what this was, right? It seemed like Dazai didn’t lie completely when he said he couldn’t remember anything. He was black-out-drunk but like high…black-out-high…is that a thing? Chuuya had never heard of it before, but there was, no other explanation for what was happening right now. He let out a sigh. Great, now all he could do is listen to Dazai’s chaotic thoughts like they were a fucking podcast.

Mhm, but that also meant that Dazai was witnessing his own weed-induced behavior for the very first time in Chuuya’s memories. A grin spread across Chuuya’s face, despite everything. Oh, he wished to be able to see Dazai’s reaction to all the adorable stupid shit he said and did. He bet Dazai’s ears were going to burn in a bright red color. Damn, what Chuuya wouldn’t give to be able to see the blushing mess Dazai was going to turn into.

Dazai wanted to die so badly. He truly believed that he had been moving around too much when Chuuya placed his hands on his hips back then. Turned out, Chibi was a fucking liar and his younger self was fucking stupid because he believed that lie in the blink of an eye without even second-guessing it for a moment! And if the memories Dazai could remember were that horrible already, how would the next memories ahead of him turn out to be? Right now, their younger selves were sitting on the couch hugging each other like their stupid life depended on it. The worst thing about it was that Dazai clearly remembered how amazing it felt to be so close to Chuuya. The weed numbed his brain perfectly and he didn’t freak out like he usually did when they were this close. This was terrible news because that meant he also didn’t have a filter, all his inhibitions were simply gone.

“This is nice,” his younger self sighed contently and the smile on his lips slipped into his voice. Stupid lying Chibi chuckled.

“Yeah?” Instead of verbally answering the question, Dazai’s younger self nodded against the top of Chuuya’s head.

“Mhmmm, been a while since I had closure,” he mumbled into red hair, seemingly melting into the embrace. Ugh, why did he say that?!

“Ew, don’t mix me up with your hook-ups just because it’s been a while, you player,” Chuuya suddenly mocked and Dazai watched how his younger self was getting tense. It was such a hard contrast to the posture he had not even a second ago. His shoulders tried to suppress a shake and failed so badly at it that- wait…oh no! No, no, no! This was not happening. He was not about to cry because of Chuuya’s comment. No. Just no! A sob fills the air and Chibi froze. “Dazai…are you…crying?”

A loud sob was his answer and now Dazai’s younger self started to full out shake as he tried to get air in his lungs despite the heavy sobs that left his mouth with increasing frequency. This was pathetic. His younger self was so fucking pathetic. Chuuya’s hook-up comment made him think of all the times he felt so used by gaining information through sex. His thoughts were almost drowning him back then, he felt so disgusting but it wasn't a reason to cry. This was so stupid.

“Holy shit, you are,” and the smaller teen seemed to sober up a bit, because he tried to pull away, but Dazai’s younger self kept his arms locked around Chuuya, preventing him from seeing his ugly teary face. “Hey, let go,” the words were soft but his younger self tightened his grip in response, clinging to the other boy. “Dazai, let go,” he tried again. This time, Dazai shook his head in response, biting his lips but failing to prevent the next sob that ripped through. “Let go…I don’t want to force you away,” at that, his younger self sucked in a breath and slowly let go of Chuuya. Just before Chuuya could look at his face, Dazai stood up and wanted to leave. But Chuuya stopped him with a firm grip on his arm and pulled him right back into his lap.

“What’s wrong?” His younger self convulsively kept his eyes closed and vehemently shook his head while trying to hide his face in his shoulder. Chuuya gently placed his hand on his cheek and even the soft gesture caused his younger self to flinch until the other started to wipe tears away. It was a useless endeavor since new tears constantly left puffy brown eyes and as Chuuya used the tender touch to move the other’s face in his direction, Dazai’s younger self let it happen. 

“Come on, open your eyes.” The taller teen shook his head. “No? Hmm, okay. I guess I just have to tell you with your eyes closed?” That did pique the interest of his younger self and honestly, Dazai was also pretty curious about this. He basically witnessed this for the first time after all, remembering it as the memory played out in front of him.

“TE-E-ll wh-AA-Aht?” His younger self choked out between his heavy sobs. Urgh, so noisy. How did Chuuya put up with him?

“Tell you about the time I cried my eyes out when I first tried weed with the flags.” And the puffy and ugly teary eyes of his younger self immediately snapped open and looked right into pretty blue ones. “Oh, did that surprise you?” Chibi chuckled and honestly? Dazai was melting a bit. The other one was so calm and soft even though his younger self did nothing to deserve this.

“Wh-AI dId yOU-” his sobs got in the way of finishing his sentence and he had to gasp for air. He hated this. Hated everything about this, except Chuuya, of course.

“Why did I cry?” Chuuya repeated the question and his hand was moving away from Dazai’s cheek, to gently move across his back in soothing circles. “It was really stupid. I cried about the sheep. Ridiculous, right?” His younger self immediately shook his head.

“No-OH-t ri-he-di-cUH-” and that was too many syllables for the current state his younger self was in so he sucked in a breath and gave up to voice whatever he wanted to say back then.

“Just listen, hm? Calm down before you talk again, alright?” Chuuya suggested and started to pull Dazai's younger self in a hug once more. The tears that still left the eyes of his younger self surely must've created wet spots on Chibi’s shirt. “Okay so, it was after one of their parties when I was still rather a new member of the port mafia. And they all were a bit suspicious about me because I was an enemy of the mafia not even a month ago. So they were a bit distant towards me. Except Albatross," Chuuya's voice sounded so warm when it pronounced the name of their long-lost friend. "The first thing he ever said to me was if I could show him my ‘gravity tricks’. I did and then he asked me for help loading up some cars for transport. After that, he invited me to hang out with him and the others at the ‘Old World’. He didn’t mention the weed though.”

“Wh-AT-”

“Shhh, no talking, remember? You can ask me stuff when you calmed down, okay?” Dazai watched how his younger self tried to bury his face more into Chuuya as a response. The older teen chuckled and continued to gently draw circles on his back. “So, like I said: he didn’t mention the weed and I tried it and it was great at first, but then one of them said something -I can’t even remember who and what it was, to be honest- but suddenly I was crying about the sheep all pathetic. Like how they threw me away and how they literally stabbed me in the back and I tried to stop but I just couldn’t. I felt so miserable because I was crying around people who didn’t really like me which made it so much worse and I was just spiraling down further and further. It was terrifying.” Dazai’s younger self was still sobbing, just letting Chuuya talk, and tried to listen as best as he could at the moment. It was funny, the moment the memory unfolded in front of real Dazai, he could remember it vaguely and the thoughts that were running through his mind at the time came back to him. He was basically crying because Chuuya reminded him of his hookups and because the older teen implied that they’d make him happier as Chuuya’s closure, which was very insulting to his high younger self. Nothing could compare to Chuuya. He also felt sad for the older teen, thinking that the sheep were stupid anyway for betraying him. Like, did they have eyes? Apparently not, otherwise they would have seen what Chuuya did for them and how much he cared. 

“It was like my brain just stopped? Everything was just too much and I bet you’re feeling the same right now as I did back then,” Chibi tightened the hug for a moment. “So, let me tell you what Albatross told me. He was the first one to react out of the flags and he just sat right next to me on the floor. And then he just slowly placed his arm on my back and drew invisible patterns on my shirt. While he did that he told me that weed just has this effect on some people, making them more emotional, and that I shouldn’t feel ashamed about it ‘cause they all have been there before. He just talked me down, telling me what shit he did while he was high and it helped me a lot.” Dazai’s younger self hummed in response, his arms found their way around Chuuya’s neck as he snuggled more into the hug. He was still sobbing all pathetically, but it was getting better. Chuuya just smiled and continued to talk.

“And the whole situation got me closer to the flags,” real Dazai could hear the smile in his voice and it made him feel all warm. “They weren’t distant anymore, they started to include me more and more. They also never made fun of me for crying. I was so embarrassed but they didn’t make me feel bad about it. They said that it’s nothing to feel ashamed about. So what I’m getting at is that you also don’t have to feel ashamed.”

But real Dazai felt ashamed. What if Chuuya heard his stupid high thoughts? Chuuya would never look in his direction ever again, too disgusted by what Dazai did just to gain information.

Chuuya was furious. 

No, he was outraged. If he weren’t stuck in Dazai’s memories right now, Arahabaki would roar and Chuuya would fucking let it. 

He was still standing in the darkness, but Dazai’s thoughts did reach him. Who the fuck tells a kid that they should use sex as a transaction?! Mori did. Chuuya always knew the man was ruthless, and not a great person, but he still respected him as a good leader. Chuuya couldn't comprehend this. Sure, they were in the Mafia and yes, he was aware of the girls Ane-san took care of, but they were older. Not by much, but for fucks sake, they weren’t 15, and- wait no, Dazai was fourteen when Mori found him, wasn’t he? Chuuya couldn't remember. He couldn't remember!

And oh god: all the times Chuuya teased Dazai about his hook-ups, how quiet the teen got- fuck. Chuuya was such an asshole! Dazai was suffering. And he mocked him, called him a player and everything. The Mafia was scarring Dazai so deep and Chuuya never noticed how much. And now that he thought back about it… Dazai never once bragged about his hook-ups. That was such a red flag for the younger teen, why the fuck didn’t Chuuya realize this sooner?! And fuck! The times he had to play bodyguard for Dazai when the younger teen had to seduce (basically whore himself out to) someone- Chuuya was too jealous to spend time with Dazai afterwards. He shut him down completely, every. single. time. Dazai needed him and Chuuya just left him to rot.

He felt nauseous.

He wanted to throw up, but he was just a fucking astral body projection or something equally stupid and couldn't. He wanted to talk to young Dazai. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to explain why his stupid younger self was acting so cold after those missions. But he couldn't. He would never be able to make young Dazai feel safe again. He fucked it up but he won’t repeat his mistakes.

He was going to talk to Dazai about this as soon as he was out of this shitty ability.

“But it’s really stupid,” Dazai’s younger self argued, his voice was so rough and it fucking broke, but at least he could speak again, even though he had to take in a huge breath afterwards.

“It’s not. Please tell me what made you so upset.” Ugh, Chuuya’s voice was so disgustingly gentle that Dazai just couldn't handle it. And his younger self turned to fucking pudding in the other’s hands. But he couldn't tell Chuuya what ran through his mind. The older teen would be as disgusted as Dazai felt when he thought about his hook-ups.

“It’s just that the hook-ups-” No, no, no! Dazai’s younger self couldn't explain this to Chuuya! Real Dazai prayed that his younger self didn’t spill the truth back then! “I don’t cuddle with them, so my comment wasn’t about- It’s just been a while since someone held me so close without…” This was bad. Dazai hated this. His younger self already spilled too much but at least he held in the last part of the sentence. Otherwise, Chuuya would be so disgusted by him. Sleeping with people just to gain information, being used like some sort of whore. Dazai was sure that his younger version wanted to say that it’s been a long since someone held him where he didn’t feel disgusted or used. The people he slept with didn’t care about his comfort, they just wanted sex and all Dazai wanted was information and a long hot shower afterwards.

“Without what?”

“Without sex.” Dazai was so glad that his younger self didn’t say the things swirling around in his mind. He just knew how loud the mind of his younger self was at that moment, how much self-hate had built up.

“Wait. You never-” Chuuya sounded shocked at that and loosened the embrace a bit so he could look into the eyes of his younger self. Ugh, his eyes were so red and puffy, making his face look so ugly, especially with the red dots on his skin from all the stupid crying. “When was the last time someone just hugged you?"

"Eh? I think when you hugged me when we had that cut scene in Horizon." 

"What? That was so long ago!" It was weird to see the older teen this upset about something as trivial as this. "Am I the only one who is close to you?"

"Well, Odasaku ruffles my hair and puts like an arm around my shoulder and Ango does so too sometimes."

"And when you sleep with someone…there is no cuddling? No form of aftercare at all?”

“Aftercare?”

“Oh my god,” and now the older teen was shocked. “You don’t even know the term?!” His younger self shook his head a bit, embarrassed that Chuuya seemed disappointed- no that wasn't the right word for the reaction of the teen. The redhead was a mix of sad, confused, and -if Dazai wasn’t imagining things- angry. But not at Dazai. It seemed like he was pissed that no one of Dazai’s hook-ups held him close or told him what aftercare was. “Okay,” his voice was calmer, yet the rage was still noticeable. “Aftercare is important and there are many ways to comfort your partner after sex. Like helping them clean their body or like running them a bath or just cuddling with them or watching a movie. Basically, it can be whatever you need to feel safe and calm after sexual intercourse.”

“But…it’s just hook-ups? Why would they or I comfort the other?” Dazai felt fucking disgusting after fucking with his hook-ups, he didn’t want to let them touch him for a second longer. So, no. Dazai’s form of aftercare was to leave as soon as possible to shower his body with water so hot that it burned on his skin, imagining that it would burn off the touches and wash it all down the drain. "It's just a meaningless one-night stand with a stranger."

“I mean, yeah, it might be weird at first because it’s strangers but otherwise, I feel bad. I don’t know, maybe it’s only something I do? I deem it important for me and my partners.” Chuuya deeming his partners important and taking care of them, real Dazai couldn’t help but think about…Chuuya taking care of him after sex. He couldn’t handle that thought without his ears burning up and his younger self wasn’t doing better. Chuuya would be amazing. Dazai always dreamed about the ways Chuuya would touch- Okay. He should stop that thought. He was stuck in the other’s memories and he shouldn’t think about how Chuuya would probably lower his voice to gently tease him and he also shouldn’t think about all the things he would allow the other to do to him. The other could be rough with him and Dazai would love it, but the fantasy he desired the most was Chuuya treating him with so much care and love that it would erase all the disgusting touches from other people on his skin, so all that he could remember was Chuuya and- Fuck. He should really stop thinking about it.

“Sleep with me.”

…

WHAT?!

Why? Just why?! What was his younger self thinking? Nothing apparently! The ears of Dazai were burning. His face too. His brain was fucking destroyed! How could his younger self be so fucking dumb?! Wait. Maybe Chuuya misheard it and his younger self didn't say that? Yeah. That was way more plausible than this bullshit. 

“What?” Chuuya was staring at the brunet, clearly not believing his own ears, and now Dazai's younger self was going to repeat what he actually said, calling Chibi stupid and then laugh about it. Dazai watched in horror as his younger self leaned more into Chuuya’s personal space, their faces were way too close and Dazai tightened his arms around the other’s neck.

“You so wouldn’t regret it, I swear! I would be so good for you and then you give me aftercare, right? I want aftercare.” Dazai died. His younger self actually said that. Just bury him now. His younger self was sitting on Chuuya’s lap, looking at the older teen with so much adoration in his eyes that there was no way Chuuya didn't know how badly Dazai wanted every part of him. Seriously. He could never ever face Chuuya again. This. Was. The. Worst. Why was his younger self so fucking- Ugh, he didn’t even know how to describe the mess his younger self created. Chuuya just stared at him, tightening his grip around the brunet a bit, and Dazai was glad that he didn't hear his thoughts. The other teen was probably so weirded out right now as he should be. Dazai didn't deserve the other one bit, especially not with this blunt approach. Chuuya was way too good for him and so out of his reach that Dazai’s crush was nothing but sad.

“Wait, is this...about aftercare?” Chuuya questioned but his voice was…Dazai never heard Chuuya sound that way before. He was kinda breathless but no, that wasn't quite fitting. His voice- Dazai couldn't describe it but he sure liked it. His younger self nodded. Probably thought that if Chuuya was opposed to having sex, he would just pretend it was about the aftercare. “Dazai,” oh-oh, the other was sounding serious. This was it. This was how Chuuya rejected him. This was how all his dreams were shattered without him even remembering the heartbreak and- “Promise me to never get high with anyone but me.” Huh?

“I promise! Why though?”

“Can’t let other people see you like this…You have an image to uphold after all.” Oh. Yeah. That made sense. Chuuya would be embarrassed if other people got wind of how stupid the feared demon prodigy got after a bit of weed, he would be an embarrassment to the Mafia and Chuuya.

“Alright, I promise!” Chuuya grinned at that and the laugh he suppressed sounded so beautiful in his voice. So warm and amused. Oh, did Chuuya only blackmail him the next day because Dazai forgot the promise? And why the fuck did the older teen lie? Why didn't he blackmail him for real with the shit his younger self said? Why did he pretend that nothing happened after Dazai made the promise? 

“You already did promise me, remember?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh, can’t believe that you’re like this.”

“Like what?”

“That you’re this- you’re so-” Chuuya interrupted himself, “just don’t question it!”

“Okay.”

“So, what do you wanna do, hm?”

“Whatever you want~” Damn. His younger self sure was desperate to please the other.

“You wanted to have sex just to receive some aftercare, so this really isn’t about what I want.”

His younger self was quiet for a few seconds. "Just hold me?” This was so fucking pathetic. Dazai always hoped that he could trust Chuuya when the older teen claimed that nothing out of the ordinary happened.

Chuuya lied.

“I’m already doing that,” the older teen replied, tightening the grip he had on the brunet to draw him even closer. “You wanna cuddle and watch a movie, hm?” His younger self nodded against Chuuya’s neck as he melted into the other’s touch turning into liquid. “God, you’re so-” he’s so what? What was on Chuuya’s mind? That was what Dazai would like to know. But the older teen didn't continue his sentence. He stretched himself to reach the remote without disturbing the turned-into puddy brunet. And although Chuuya was careful not to move him too much, Dazai expressed his displeasure with a slightly annoyed ‘mhmmm’ and all Chuuya did in response was to snicker slightly.

Chuuya calmed down a bit after hearing Dazai’s adorable thoughts regarding his little “Sleep with me”-request. He was still pissed at Mori (and himself for not realizing the obvious). There were so many signs! But he couldn't do anything right now, so he focused on the memory he was hearing more than seeing. Sometimes, he saw them both sitting on the couch but most of the time, he was just surrounded by darkness.

Chuuya really couldn't believe how much hope Dazai pinned on him. How much the younger teen wanted him, despite his terrible sexual encounters with targets he had to seduce. And Chuuya just never noticed it. Just like he never noticed how adorable Dazai could be before he turned eighteen. His younger self was intrigued at the thought of sleeping with Dazai, yes, but he blamed that reaction on the weed-induced increase of Libido. You know, like an idiot. His younger self was so on board with it until the last part echoed in his head, causing him to conclude that the brunet only wanted aftercare. And when he thought about Dazai being this gullible and vulnerable in front of other people? No. His younger self couldn’t stand the thought of Dazai being exploited. He had to protect him with everything he had.

It wasn’t enough though. He should’ve known that the other was forced to sleep with strangers to gain information.

Chuuya failed him.

“That’s the third time you fell asleep in the last five minutes,” Chuuya whispered and Dazai’s younger self was just mumbling something, tightening his grip around the older teen. “We should sleep.”

“Don’t wanna,” his younger self growled and snuggled closer in protest. They were half lying on the couch now, his younger self still somewhat on top of Chuuya but tilted sideways to watch the Netflix series the other selected.

“Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

“No.”

“You’re tired.”

“Noooo.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Nooooooo.” A long sigh left Chuuya’s mouth and he stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“We could continue to cuddle in my bed?” the older teen suggested, hoping that it would get Dazai’s attention.

“Okay,” Dazai’s younger self didn’t move an inch.

“You have to stand up.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“What, you want me to carry you?” And Chuuya was just mocking him, although his younger self perked up at that, tilting Chuuya's head with a hand on his cheek.

“Please?” And Chuuya looked at Dazai’s face and then grumbled a breathless fuck.

“Only because I was dumb enough to suggest it in the first place!” the older teen clarified and then he stood up. The younger teen was already stretching his arms in Chuuya’s direction, who sighed one last time before he gave Dazai’s younger self a piggy ride.

“You’re so waaaarm,” his younger self said with a smile on his lips as he slung his arms around Chuuya’s neck to snuggle into the hold. Seriously, could his younger self stop clinging to Chuuya for like five minutes? This was so embarrassing.

“And you’re rather cold,” Chuuya answered and his younger self immediately pulled his arms away. “Move your arms back, idiot. Didn’t say I hate it.” It was so unfair how soft Chuuya could sound when Dazai couldn’t even remember it and...was there a light blush on the teen's face or was it just the light flashing from the TV?

It was a short piggy ride to Chuuya's bedroom, so it wasn't long until the older teen carefully put his already half-asleep younger self on the soft mattress. And while his younger self dozed off, Chuuya moved through the room and disappeared through the door. Real Dazai followed him into the kitchen. Chibi took a water bottle out of the fridge and then walked into the bathroom to open the little cabinet to pull out a pill for a headache, he also turned the TV off. He then came back to the bedroom and placed the bottle and the pill on the little nightstand closest to Dazai's sleeping self. Chuuya let out a sigh and then walked to his wardrobe to switch out his shirt for a sleeping shirt. Dazai turned his head away. His younger self slept through seeing Chuuya shirtless and real Dazai would feel so creepy if he were watching the teen right now. If twenty-two-year-old Chuuya were switching shirts in front of him, it would be a completely different story. In that case, Dazai would probably stare shamelessly at the redhead. But not like this. Not when he was stuck in the other's memories with a younger Chuuya. So he just stared off to the side until the rustling sounds of clothes stopped and Chuuya stepped away from the closet. Chibi was wearing a shirt that used to be black a long time ago but now it's a washed-out grayish color. It was long enough to hide the red boxers he was wearing. The fabric was only visible when the shirt rode up a bit when he moved like he did now. The older teen was stepping towards the bed where Dazai's younger self was sleeping. 

"You should at least get under the blanket, you know?" Quiet shallow breathing was Chuuya's answer. The teen moved on the bed but even the dipping of the mattress didn't wake his younger self. Normally, he wasn't such a heavy sleeper. Chuuya was now hovering over him, looking at him and then he sighed. "At least lose the jacket, idiot." No reaction. So Chuuya took it into his own hands and moved to remove the black fabric. And Dazai couldn't help but think of all the times he dreamed of Chuuya being this close, leaning over him, and he couldn't help that his thoughts wander a bit. Right as Chuuya touched his shoulder, his younger self steered awake. 

"Are we havin' sex, yet?" 

...

Okay, maybe awake wasn't the right word for whatever state his younger self was in. He lazily blinked up at Chuuya, eyes more closed than open as he tried to grasp what was happening (and failed miserably). A slight chuckle reached Dazai's ear and it was a beautiful sound. 

"Trust me: You wouldn't fall asleep while having sex with me," is what Chuuya said teasingly, his voice was so low and Dazai couldn’t help the scenarios flickering in front of his eyes of Chuuya and how he would- he shook his head to get his mind out of the gutter. Those words were addressed to his younger self, not to him. Said younger self didn't seem to register what Chuuya said and started to doze off again. "Hey, stay awake." 

"Mhmmmm, whyyy? You said we should sleep, so why aren't you sleepin'?" 

"Because you're on top of the blankets and still in your uncomfortable work clothes. Don't you want to change?" Chuuya didn't await an answer, he just walked to his closet and pulled out a dark grey baggy sweatpants. Dazai remembered that one. It was the one Chuuya  usually lent him. The fabric was so soft, it was a dream come true. 

"Your clothes are too small for-" His younger self got interrupted by Chuuya throwing the pants and the t-shirt on his face. "That was so rude." His voice was muffled by the fabric of the cloth. 

"Look who's talking. Also, you're like five centimeters taller than me, so don't be so smug about it, bastard!" 

"I just think it's funny that-" 

"I don't want to hear it! Just change your clothes and shut up already!" Dazai's younger self giggled and sat up, pulling the clothes Chuuya threw at him off his face. He was inspecting them and his joyful mood faded as he stared at the t-shirt. 

"Don't you have something...longer?" And his younger self didn't have to say anything else. He didn't have to explain why he was asking for something longer. Chuuya was already searching through his closet and this time, he didn't throw the clothing piece at his younger self. He moved towards him and gently handed him a brown hoodie and real Dazai recognized it immediately. It was the hoodie Chuuya usually lent him when he was staying over. It was a bit short on him, showing off a bit of his bandaged stomach when he moved too much, but it did manage to fully cover his arms, thankfully. If Dazai remembered correctly, Albatross once handed the hoodie to Chuuya, saying it would fit him perfectly, just for Chuuya to throw a tantrum about the words that were printed on it, proving Albatross right by doing so. In bold white letters, the hoodie suggested that Maybe swearing will help and it was a perfect match for Chuuya and his bad mouth. It was also a very comfortable piece of clothing. 

Satisfied with the long-sleeved hoodie, his younger self stood up and started to change. In front of Chuuya. Great. The younger teen loosened his tie before getting rid of the jacket, letting it fall to the ground carelessly. He yawned a bit and stretched himself, causing his white shirt to rid up. Ugh. He's looking like a mess and Chuuya just stared at him for a few seconds and- oh, he turned around. Real Dazai's heart beat faster. It was stupid. Chibi was just being a decent person. It was nothing real Dazai should be moved by, and yet he was. That probably said a lot about his shitty experiences with other people, doesn't it? Chuuya respecting Dazai's privacy when he's too stupid and high to do so himself was more meaningful to him than it should be. 

"It's a bit small~" His younger self teased and Chuuya immediately swirled around, a defensive slur already on his tongue, but then he just didn’t say anything. He looked at the younger teen, weirdly quiet about it. 

"Whatever," was the weak reply that tumbled out of Chuuya's mouth, "let's sleep." Dazai moved under the blankets and Chuuya switched off the light, carefully walking towards the bed. As soon as the older teen was under the blanket, he reached out and pulled Dazai's younger self gently closer. Dazai just cuddled into Chuuya's hold. They both fell asleep within seconds.

Chapter Text

Chuuya was glad that he finally got to see what was happening again, instead of just hearing the younger teen's thoughts. He stood in his old bedroom, gazing at their younger selves who were cuddling under the fluffy blanket. Dazai was lying on his back and Chuuya's younger self was lying on his side, head resting on top of brown hair. An arm slung over Dazai's torso and his hand held his shoulder to pull him closer if needed. His legs probably tangled up with Dazai's or were simply placed on top of him. The younger teen was slowly waking up, eyes blinking against the light that made it through the curtains. As soon as his sleepy mind realized someone was holding him, he froze, his muscles turning tense. Did I stay after a one-night stand? was the first thought that came to his tiered mind and the possibility terrified Dazai. He was wide awake now, trying to remember what the fuck happened only for his mind to be blank. And then his mind got loud. Unbearingly so. Chuuya tried to cover his ears but it was useless. The panicked thoughts still reached him just as loud. The younger teen started breathing heavier now, tears in his eyes but then he remembered one thing: He had edibles with Chuuya. Dazai calmed down a bit, getting his breathing under control again. He was still confused and so afraid of how they ended up here and why Chuuya was hugging him. 

Dazai thought it was best to get away from Chuuya at the time, hoping his memory would boot up later, so he started to wiggle his way out of the hug. But Chuuya's sleeping younger self tightened his grip and mumbled something, causing Dazai to hold his breath. Did I wake him? Dazai held his breath and was waiting for some reaction. But nothing happened. He continued to slither out of Chuuya's grip, slower and more carefully now. And he did manage to get out of the hold without waking the older teen. He crawled out of the bed, movements slow, and then he tiptoed his way to the door. Something was lying on the floor, making the teen trip a bit. Dazai looked down but saw nothing in the rather dark room. So he just continued to maneuver his way through the dark apartment carefully closing the apartment door behind him. A sigh left his lips as he stood in the hallway. He moved away from the door, towards the exit of the apartment complex,  the motion detector lights jumping to life with a 'click'. Dazai reached into the pocket of his jeans and stopped in his tracks. He looked down at himself. Those aren't my clothes was the very observant thought running through the other’s head. And then he remembered tripping on something, his mind picturing the moment again, the thing he tripped on were his own clothes. And in his clothes was his stupid smartphone. He thought about breaking into the apartment but that would wake Chuuya up and then Dazai would have to explain why he was breaking in in the first place. That would mean admitting that he didn't remember anything about the previous night. Dazai didn't want to admit anything. His memory was the only thing he could count on. It was the only thing he liked about himself and hearing those thoughts made real Chuuya fucking sad. 

Dazai left the building and moved through the streets, arms hugging himself. The outfit change did horrify him and he felt not safe walking around without his usual attire. He walked for a bit and then saw a telephone booth. He stopped in his tracks and walked towards the pay phone. Inside the booth, he checked the change slot for money and he did find a few coins in there some poor soul had forgotten. He took the phone, pushed the coins through the slot, and dialed a number. It took a bit until a voice greeted Dazai with a wary 'hello?'

"Hey, Odasaku it's me. Got no time to explain -I'm on a payphone- but meet me at eight in front of Lupin. Oh, and bring Ango, it's an emergency!" He hung up after saying that, leaving no room for objections. 

It was dark apart from the streak of light shining through the curtains. It was around eight, maybe? Hard to tell, but it had to be since Dazai's younger self already left, leaving his stupid clothes on the floor like an idiot. Real Dazai still couldn’t comprehend everything that happened during their weed session. Luckily Chuuya steered awake, stopping Dazai's thoughts to loop back to all the shit his younger self spit. 

"Dazai?" Chuuya asked into the dark, voice sounding sleepy. After not receiving an answer, he padded the mattress around him in the hope of finding Dazai but he just realized the bed was empty and cold already. That had Chuuya sitting up. "Dazai?" He repeated, but louder this time. No reply. How could there be? His younger self left. Now the older teen was leaving his bed, walking outside of the room. He switched the lights of his apartment on but still couldn't find the younger teen. There was only one option left and Chuuya looked somewhat scared(?) as he approached the last room he hadn't checked. 

"Dazai? Are you in there?" His voice was as hesitant as his knocks against the door were. He waited a few seconds. "I'm coming in." He opened the door slowly and then took a deep breath before he switched on the light. It was empty. Obviously. Chuuya let out a breath of relief. He shook his head while mumbling curses to himself for being worried about 'that bastard's suicidal tendencies'. Oh. That explained the scared expression. Chuuya did remember everything about their weed session and right now he thought that Dazai's younger self did too. And Chuuya knew him very well, knew that he was terrible at coping with stuff he deemed embarrassing. Dazai jumped into a river for far less before. But, he would never end his life in the other's bathroom, though Dazai had to admit it was a reasonable fear on Chuuya's side. 

The older teen was now moving back into his bedroom, switched on the lights, and froze. His eyes were focused on the black lump of clothes that Dazai's younger self left behind. 

"What the fuck," Chuuya sounded so confused. "Why would he leave his-" He stopped, eyes going wide and real Dazai blinked, and suddenly the older teen was on the bed, stretching himself to reach his smartphone on the nightstand. He unlocked it and called someone, jumping to his feet again. 

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," Chuuya was walking up and down, his words sounding like a plea, with every second he got more nervous but then a voice sounded through the room. 

"Hello? I wish I was a little bit taller..." and then it was just an upbeat melody. Right. Dazai personalized Chuuya's ringtone. He spent hours editing that song so all that's left are the lines that were connected to height or a car because Chuuya's obsessed with both. It was the perfect ringtone until Chuuya caught wind of it. Chibi made him change it. Which is ridiculous since the other's ringtone for Dazai went like this: Now shut your dirty mouth//If I could burn this town//I wouldn't hesitate//To smile while you suffocate and die//And that would be just fine//And what a lovely time//That it would surely be//So bite your tongue//And choke yourself to sleep And when Dazai criticized the refrain Chuuya chose as notification the older teen said that he shouldn't be whining about it. So yeah. Chuuya really had no right to change the song in the first place. It was a masterpiece.

While real Dazai was lost in his thoughts for a while, Chuuya realized that the melody came from the pile of clothes. So he sat on the floor and searched the pockets of the black coat and pants. I wish I was like 6-foot-9 sounded out the speakers of the cell phone right as Chuuya pulled it out of the fabric. On the display it read Slug and the picture on the profile icon showed one of the dog paintings Dazai did. Chuuya declined the call and the room fell silent once more. It was eerie and the silence was almost suffocating while the teen stared at the phone, probably a million thoughts running through his head. But all Dazai got was silence. It sucked. Suddenly Chuuya jumped up, he seemed so out of it as he ripped open his closet, pulled a jeans out, and rushed to put it on. His own phone and Dazai's are in his pockets. Then he ran to the apartment door, grabbed his keys, and slammed the door. Real Dazai was simply pulled along by the ability. He didn't have to move much to stay close to Chuuya. It didn't take long till he was standing next to the teen, who ran up the stairs and ended up on the roof of the apartment complex. He tapped his foot on the ground and catapulted himself up in the air, the flow of Tainted surrounding him. Bird view. Was Chuuya looking for him? Whatever the older teen was looking for, he found it, moving too fast for Dazai, the wind hurting his eyes, causing him to close them on instinct.

When Dazai opened them again, he was standing in front of a river. And it wasn't just some river, it was the closest to Chuuya's apartment. Oh. The tiny mafioso was hovering over the water, focused on all the movements the water made, trying to find one that was unnatural. Chuuya was looking for him. 

Shit. Now Dazai felt terrible for not leaving a message, but he was terrified back then, okay? But he was really grateful that Odasaku and Ango forced him to text the teen. Right as Chuuya wanted to move to the next river, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, read the message that popped up, and let out a breath. And Dazai hadn't realized how tense the other was until the huff of air left his body and his features slagged in relief. It didn't take long though, for the older to frown, eyebrows pulled together in anger. 

"I'll kill that bastard for worrying me like that."

"Eh...nice outfit? " Oda greeted the teen who was pressing himself against the closed door to Lupin, trying to remain unseen. God, Dazai was so uncomfortable wearing those clothes outside. But brown really suited him. There was a reason why Chuuya always had the hoodie ready for Dazai to wear when he was over. It looked so fucking good on him and the teen seemed comfortable in Chuuya's apartment with it. The brown complimented his eyes just right, making them pop and when Dazai moved his arms, the fabric would ride up, showing a bit of bandaged stomach and Chuuya was only a teenager back then, okay? The tiny spots of skin peeking through bandages were so alluring. It was confusing him a bit when he was still seventeen, but at eighteen, he completely understood why his eyes were glued to it. The younger teen looked hot in anything. It should be a crime and Chuuya would volunteer as a law enforcement officer if he then gets to- okay, stop. He should concentrate on the memory and get his mind out of the fucking gutter.  

"Please don't tell me I skipped breakfast for a clothing emergency." The bureaucrat added, already sounding exasperated, a hand massaging his temple. 

"I messed up," the words were spoken fast, stumbling over each other, it was hard to tell where one word started and the other ended and it was getting worse with every syllable that left Dazai's mouth. "I can't remember what happened and I just woke up like this and I left my phone and I just left and I can't remember anything, what if I did something stupid and-"

"Easy," Oda's voice was calm as he got closer to Dazai, soothingly moving his hand through brown hair, and carefully undoing the knots in it. "How about we go into a café and eat breakfast, hm? And then you can tell us everything in order. Everything is going to be okay." But Dazai shook his head, his mind stuck on café because that meant staying outside in clothes that didn't fit right, and hugged himself awkwardly, causing the fabric to ride up and he pulled it down with one hand, while the other was still over his torso. He looked miserable. But then there was a coat held in front of his face. To Chuuya's surprise, it wasn't  Oda who took off his coat to offer it to the teen. It was the bureaucrat. 

"Just wear my jacket for now and then we go to my place if you want. I can make us hot chocolate and get all those sugary pastries you like," and wow, Chuuya hated to admit it but he despised the guy a tiny teeny bit less than before. And Dazai immediately put on the coat. The coat was a dark brown and didn't look bad on the teen if Chuuya was being honest. "Are you feeling a bit better with the coat?" Dazai nodded and Glasses Guy smiled. 

"Let's get a cab to your place, less walking through the city that way," Oda suggested and the other two agreed. 

 
It was a very short drive, not even ten minutes and they were already walking into the other's apartment. Chuuya snickered a bit as he looked at the tidy kitchen remembering the chaos Dazai created there. Glasses Guy was sending Oda away to get pastries from a bakery close by. Dazai was just taking the coat and his shoes off. 

"I can give you a bigger hoodie if you want," the bureaucrat offered, still so gentle with the teen. Dazai shook his head. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's actually quite comfy and it's Chuuya's, so I like it...I just didn't like being outside in it." The teen admitted sheepishly, while he moved past his older friend to open a cupboard. What. Was Chuuya hallucinating? Was Dazai helping to set the table?

"So the emergency is about Chuuya?" 

The teen froze in his movement for a second, before he grabbed the plates to place them onto the dining table. He took his time setting the table, not answering the question while he was fixed on his task. Now the two of them were waiting for Oda, sitting at the table in silence until Dazai decided to break it. 

"It's more about what my stupid past self did." And wasn’t that sentence just a current mood for real Chuuya? 

"What did you do then?"

"I don't know, that's the problem." Glasses Guy looked at Dazai, waiting for him to continue. "I did something Odasaku told me not to do and I don't even remember what happened!"

"Okay, we should talk about this when Oda is back, Dazai."

"But what if he's going to be angry at me?" God, Dazai sounded so meek, it was kinda of scary to Chuuya. The bureaucrat also seemed to be taken aback. He needed a few seconds to come up with a response.   

"It's Oda, he's not gonna be angry," he reassured with a smile. Then the two just waited for their friend to get back. It didn't take long until they all were seated around the table, enjoying the pastries. They had decided to eat before they would talk about whatever was on Dazai's mind. Dazai even ate two, which was a lot for the teen. When they all were done with breakfast, Dazai helped to clear the table, but it wasn't out of the kindness in his heart, it was to stall the talk. His older friends let it happen for a while and as the table was clean, they sat down again. Glasses Guy placed a big mug of hot chocolate in front of Dazai and the teen started to retell anything he could remember between sips of the drink his hands constantly held onto, warming his fingers slightly even as the mug was already empty. The teen really told his friends everything he remembered which included his impression of a cat and his ears were burning red when he got to that part. Both adults just listened to him, laughing a bit from time to time when Dazai got melodramatic about the things he said. They gently teased him, especially about the cat part. And it didn't take that long for Dazai to reach the end of his memories of the night,  but before he got to the part where he freaked out, he stopped and looked at Oda. 

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, sounding like a kicked puppy. The older male looked at Dazai for a bit and the brunet took that as a sign to nervously start to ramble. "Look, I know you told me not to and you're right: it was bad, but like how was I supposed to say 'no' to Chuuya? Like that's impossible, he was so excited about it! And before you say anything I tried, okay? I told him ‘I'm not interested in smoking’ but then he suggested that he'd bake brownies? There's just no way in hell anyone could resist Chuuya's cooking, so it's really not my fault at all to-" He got interrupted by laughter. Dazai looked at the man with a mixture of irritation and utter betrayal.

"Sorry, sorry," Oda coughed out between laughs that shook his body. "I'm not mad," he managed to say, hands holding his stomach in an attempt to stop the laughter. But it didn't stop and now he infected the bureaucrat with it. They both laughed and Dazai was getting more annoyed with every second that passed.  

"Are you done yet?" The younger teen spat, and that did help the other two to calm down a bit. 

"Sorry, it's just," the laughter was still in Oda's voice. "Why would I be mad at you for that? I advised you to not do that, yes. But it's good for you to make your own mistakes. So you don't need to defend the decision you made that badly, you know? It's alright."

"It is?" Dazai was relieved but also so confused.

"I mean it's not optimal and I did warn you," Oda pointed out with amusement, "but yeah it's alright. You made your own experience and learned from it. Didn't you?" Dazai nodded, looking spooked.

"I will never get high with Chuuya again," he said, and then sheepishly added, "that's not everything though. I left something out."

"Right, you didn't explain your new style yet," Glasses Guy pointed out. "Why are you wearing Chuuya's clothes?"

"Those are Chuuya's clothes?" Oda sounded surprised. Right, he wasn't there when Dazai declined the clothes the bureaucrat offered him. 

"Yeah, ehm, I don't know how or when or why he gave me clothes, but, eh, I woke up like this in his ridiculously huge bed with his arms around me and that's strange because like we never-"

"Stop, hold up," Glasses Guy interrupted him, holding his hand up to stop the other from saying anything else. "You woke up in his arms," Dazai nodded, "so why are you here?" That’s a good question.

"I couldn't remember why we ended up like that!"

"So you ran away."

"I didn't run away!" Dazai defended himself weakly, trying to make his action seem more logical, "I panicked and just...decided it would be best to... not be there anymore? It was a strategic retreat!"

"Mhm, what did Chuuya say to your 'strategic retreat'?" The bureaucrat made air quotes around Dazai's chosen coping mechanism, clearly not impressed by the younger's explanation. Dazai kept quiet, his gaze not meeting either of his friends. And that was enough of an answer. "No, you didn't." Silence. "Dazai!"

"What was I supposed to do?" The teen questioned, the stress of the morning hitting him again. "Wake him up? Admit that I didn't have any clue how we ended up cuddling on his bed and ask him what happened so I can recreate it whenever I want?!"

"Yeah, kinda," Oda joined the conversation once more. "Maybe not that wording but yeah, if you want to know what happened you have to talk to him. There's no way around that."

"Say, did you leave a note or a text or something?" Glasses Guy suddenly asked, seemingly lost in thoughts, a concentrated expression on his face. 

"No? Why should I?"

"Mhm, okay let me paint you a picture: Chuuya will wake up," the bureaucrat glanced at the clock, "maybe he already woke up just to realize that you left. Not a big deal, you probably sneak out all the time to get away from work. But then he sees that you left your clothes in his room. He checks his phone, no message, he tries to call only to hear whatever ringtone you have for him to play inside his own apartment. Do you see the problem?" Dazai shook his head in a slow motion. He really didn't understand where his friend was going with this.

"It's you," Oda supplied, leaving the brunet even more confused. "You and your tendencies to...you know," he provided and Dazai's mouth formed an oh shape. The red-haired man pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and handed it to the teen. "Text him. Let him know you're alright."

"Okay," Dazai said and typed something, thumbs moving over the display just to stop midair. "Do you think hey as a way to start the text is okay?" Both men nodded at the question and waited for a while. "Done: Hey, had to go, nothing happened, everything is fine"

"Everything is fine? Why would you write that?" 

"Ango said I might have worried him so I just want to tell him that everything is fine! What's so wrong about that?!"

"It sounds like you're bleeding out in a ditch somewhere!"  Glasses Guy accused and he wasn't wrong. Dazai's eyebrows pulled together in annoyance as he deleted what he typed, quietly pouting as he started to write a new one.  

"Okay, how about this: Hey, had to go, no need to worry, I'm alive"

"That's...a bit better I suppose?" 

"Well, what else should I write, Odasaku?!"

"Just give me the phone before you end up typing a suicide note!" And before Dazai could say anything to that, Government Guy ripped the phone out of his hands.

"Hey!" Dazai tried to get it back but the bureaucrat moved away while typing a message, and Oda just watched the chaos amused, just like Chuuya did. Dazai's friends were right though, everything the younger teen typed so far would've worried him more. 

"Here: Hey, I just realized I left my phone at your place. I'm going to pick it up later. Sorry for leaving in such a rush." The bureaucrat read aloud and Oda tilted his head a bit.

"Yeah, now you just have to put that into your own wording, Dazai," Oda suggested and Glasses Guy handed Dazai the phone, who typed away on it. A few moments later he read it out loud:

"Hey, just realized I left my stuff at urs, so I'll come over later," his friends nodded along so Dazai sent it, adding oh I'm with Oda btw, texting from his phone to the first text. 

"Perfect, now you need to head over there," Glasses Guy stood up and called a taxi while Dazai was getting nervous again. I still have no clue what happened. How am I supposed to face Chuuya? Not the way the younger teen did face him, that's for sure. Dazai should've just rang the bell and waited for Chuuya to let him in but for whatever reason, he decided it was best to break in. Seriously, for someone so smart, Dazai did the dumbest shit. And apart from that, the message he did send right after that left a bitter taste in Chuuya's younger self. It was like a punch in the guts for him. Dazai slept in his bed and ran to his real friends the second he was awake. God, his younger self felt so fucking dumb that he was worried about the teen. But the worst part was that he would do everything again, he would cuddle with the teen, would let him sleep in his arms just for the other to run away in the morning and that realization made him so fucking angry. And when Dazai decided to be a little shit and break into his apartment, he was ready to throw the teen out, ready to distance himself so he wouldn't cave in when the younger teen would play him like that (and he knew it wouldn't work). And luckily, he didn't even had to pretend that it worked for long because-

"It's gonna be fine, just be honest with the kid," Oda said, sensing the distress the teen emitted and ruffled his hair a bit.

-Dazai told him the truth back then. Explained his inner world a bit and how could Chuuya's younger self not forgive him? He hated it but he was never able to hate the brunet for all the shit he pulled, even though he wished he could. That would've spared him a lot of heartbreak, but it also would've ruined his chance because as soon as this stupid ability thingy was over Chuuya was gonna take the other out on a date, hopefully ending in both of them being able to call the other 'boyfriend'. God, just thinking about it made Chuuya joyfully anxious. They were going to get there. 

Real Dazai stood in Chuuya's apartment once more. The teen was preparing his breakfast. The first thing he did was shower and Dazai was so glad that the ability didn't force him to be in the same room. He just saw Chibi gathering his clothes and lazed on the couch till the other returned with damp hair in fresh clothes. His phone and Dazai's old phone were pocketed in his black jeans. Chuuya turned off the stove and put his food on a plate as weird noises reached his ear. He placed the plate on the table, eyebrows drawn together in confusion as he tried to triangulate where the noise came from. He located the source of the noise, eyes narrowed as he slowly moved towards the door, using his ability to hover a bit over the floor and listened. In hindsight, breaking in wasn't that good of a plan in the first place, but Dazai thought that he would feel more at ease if he faced the other teen in his own clothes, so yeah, seemed like a good idea at the time. Chuuya's face morphed into anger. Chibi knew there was only one person who was crazy enough to break into a mafia-owned apartment. So he just waited for Dazai's younger self to pick the lock, which didn't take that long for the door to slightly open, his younger self getting up on his feet again, the sigh of relief audible to Chuuya now. 

His younger self fully opened the door and the joyful expression immediately was exchanged for a shocked one. Chuuya was standing in front of him, arms crossed, Tainted dangerously glowing around him and his expression was one of pure wrath. 

"Did you manage to break your lock-picking-record?" Chuuya growled, the rage in his voice so audible that his younger self did the only logical thing: retreat.

"Ahaha ha, I'm just gonna leave as quick as I-" he faked a laugh badly and tried to close the door but Chuuya didn't let him, he grabbed his arm and hauled him into his apartment slamming the door shut.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" The smaller teen snapped and his younger self was still stumbling, trying to gain his balance. Chuuya didn't wait for him to do so, he just continued to raise his voice and for such a small body, he could be so fucking loud. Dazai would rather stand near a plane taking off, damaging his ears irreversibly than have Chuuya scream at him. "First you just leave without a fucking word and then you break in? You just wanted to get your shit and leave. Was last night just a sick joke to you? Did you just act like that to see how I would react to make fun of me for it? Because that's a fucking new low, even for you!" 

"Let me explain-"

"Oh, you explained enough," he pulled out his phone, showing the last text message his younger self wrote, and held it in Dazai's face. "You'd rather spend your time with Oda than me, abandoning me even after- I just can't believe I was stupid enough to buy your acting."

"I don't remember anything that happened!" His younger self raised his voice as well just to make sure that the other didn't talk over him again. And it worked, the smaller teen looked at him, but then his expression morphed, he looked so tired all of a sudden, so defeated. It didn't suit Chuuya at all. 

"Just take your stuff and go, no need to lie. You clearly don't want to spend time with me, message received," and Chuuya saying that hit Dazai's younger self harder than any punch the older teen could ever deliver. 

"No, I don't want to go!" His younger self stated but Chuuya just pushed the clothes against his chest since his younger self refused to take them. The older teen had folded them neatly and put them on the table. His younger self was shaking his head, taking a step back from Chuuya, farther away from the apartment door. "I was scared!" And the sound of his voice was rough. It was the first time he ever admitted to being scared in front of Chuuya and that stopped the older teen in his attempt to force Dazai to take his clothes back. He put the clothes back on the table, pulled a chair out, and sat down. He used his head to weakly point at the empty chair, wordlessly telling Dazai to take a seat. His younger self did, feeling so fucking nervous. 

"Why were you scared?" It's a simple question. Yet, his younger self was stunned by it. Talking about feelings was scary in itself. Especially with Chuuya: What if he said something that made it obvious he was hopelessly in love with the older teen? So, his younger self opened his mouth just to close it without saying anything, repeating that process until Chuuya couldn't stand it anymore. "Just spit it out!"

"I woke up and I didn't remember where I was and how I got there and someone was holding me and I freaked out because I never wake up with arms around me!" And now Dazai finally knew that he didn't imagine Chuuya's expression getting softer. It really happened. The older teen was drawing lines between the dots of information his younger self gave him, connecting them, and pulling the right conclusion. Chuuya was still pissed though. "But then I remember I was at your place and that made me calm down until I tried to remember what happened just for my mind to fail me and I thought that maybe my memory would return over the day but it didn't." Chuuya hummed in a low tone, showing that he wasn't buying the 'no memory' explanation. 

"So, you don't remember anything at all?" He asked, placing his elbow on the table to rest his chin on his hand, fingers curled in front of his mouth. Dazai's younger self nodded. "Mhm, that means you don't remember meowing?" There was a pause, rather long. 

"No," his younger self lied and it was the weakest lie he ever pulled.

"You hesitated," Chibi pointed his bluff out.

"It's a rather weird question."

"Mhm," Chuuya narrowed his eyes, trying to look into his fucking soul. They were both silent for a minute or so. Chibi probably planned his little blackmail bluff at that exact moment. The older teen knew that there were only two main reaction paths for Dazai: call the bluff and therefore, admit that he remembered or buy it. It was a win-win situation for the teen. "Isn't that interesting?"

"The question?" Chuuya grinned at his confusion, barely hiding his amusement behind his curled-up fingers. 

"No, I mean that I know something you don't." 

Chuuya felt so powerful at that moment. Seeing Dazai's facial expression wiped off his face, stunned and surprised by what was happening. Chuuya's younger self was just milking the irritation that Dazai radiated right then. It was his revenge for Dazai's 'strategic retreat', alright? He was allowed to have a bit of fun on Dazai's costs after the stunt he pulled. Also, he was just confirming if Dazai was being honest about the don't remember thing. After hearing why Dazai fled to Oda, his younger self wasn't as angry anymore. How could he? He did just learn how fucking touch-starved the younger teen was and through this ability, he learned that it was far more than that.

"What are you saying?" Dazai regained control over his emotions again, and with it, the brunet across from the older teen was switching to his serious demon prodigy persona and Chuuya's younger self recognized the switch in Dazai's behavior as what it was: a last resort. He really didn't remember, otherwise he would've just laughed it off.

"I'm saying that I'm gonna have lots of fun with this," and then his younger self remembered something very important: If Dazai couldn't remember anything, he also couldn't remember the promise he made, turning it invalid. But the older teen knew that he could make Dazai promise again if he just played his cards right. "Seems like you're my dog now." Dazai's mimic darkened.

"Dream on."

"Oh, you know I don't dream. I don't even have to in this situation." Chuuya was not going to lie: The feeling of finally being able to be one step ahead of Dazai was amazing. "As I see it, you have no other choice if you want to know what happened," he just needed to be careful while sorting his cards, he couldn't make the stakes too high or else Dazai was going to figure out that he had nothing. And Chuuya had nothing. The things Dazai did while being high were nothing he would ever hold against him. Chuuya usually did want to one-up the other, but not like this. He just wanted to make Dazai promise something again and he would downplay what happened, knowing that the other teen would end up in a river somewhere if he didn't.

"Then I just won't. That's a choice I can make," Dazai countered and Chuuya knew that it pissed him off, knew that he wanted to know every little detail. Mhm, he needed to step it up a notch. His hand was good after all, he could afford to bluff a little more, just enough to make Dazai fold his cards.

"Sure, but that won't delete the videos I made," he stated, trying to sound casual about it. It worked. Dazai stared at him, eyes narrowed.

"Show me the videos." Ha, Dazai was doubting him. Fair, he didn't have a video after all.

"So you can delete them off my phone? Yeah, I don't think so," Chuuya remembered how fun it was to debate with Dazai this way. And hearing his thoughts was amazing. The way the brunet analyzed him and tried to look for his tells was so infuriating because he could read him so insanely good but it was also amazing. Just like the plans he came up with. Just like the plans he comes up with. God, especially their last spiel with that Russian guy was so fucking meta and insane. And it fucking worked because it was just intuitive how he and Dazai work together and no one stands a chance against them. Chuuya covered Dazai’s weakness and Dazai made the plan. God, was Dazai good at plans. The way he just played a game of chess with his opponents but was always so many turns ahead, almost the entire game, it was so fucking hot and- Real Chuuya hesitated a bit after that thought.

Did he have a thing for smart people? Was that why he always argued with Dazai? No. That couldn't be. That wasn't a real thing. Or was it? Wait no, the other detective was really smart and Chuuya didn't like him and even though he hated to admit it (especially after he just gained the knowledge of what Dazai had to do to gather information) Mori was also smart as hell but Chuuya wasn't in awe by it. So, maybe he just liked it when Dazai was smart? Maybe it was just a form of being proud? Something along the lines of 'Yeah, that's my partner and he just outplayed you stupid idiots!' and that thought made sense. Even though they grew closer over the years they never reached that stage of pure honesty (if they would've reached it they would've talked about their stupid feelings, but they were chicken shits). They didn't say that they were proud of each other or stuff like that. Sure, they did give some emotional support, like comforting the other or simply being there when the other was feeling low but that wasn't the same as actual words of affirmation. The closest they ever came to that were probably the talks about Arahabaki and the one about aftercare.

"You don't have videos. You're bluffing," the younger teen concluded, ripping Real Chuuya out of his thoughts. The brunet was right in his assumption, but that meant Chuuya had to simply raise the states a bit.

"Oh well, if you think so, then you won't have a problem if I send them around in the Port Mafia. They don't even exist after all, right?" It was a dangerous bluff because the stake he created was too high, causing Dazai's mind to kick into hyper-mode (over)thinking everything. But that was exactly what Chuuya wanted to happen. Now, he could lessen the blow himself, so Dazai couldn't resist the offer. "But I can just tell you what happened, you know? You have to promise me something in exchange."

"Interesting," the younger teen replied, a smile on his lips, "if you're so willing to trade videos over a promise, then the videos can't be that bad."

"That might be the case, but are you willing to take that risk?" There was a pause, a few seconds ticked by and Dazai's brain was working out every possible outcome, just to sigh.

"No." Chuuya's younger self was trying his best to keep his poker face up. Dazai could still change his mind, so he had to be careful.

"Great. All you need to promise me is that you never get high with anyone but me." Real Chuuya grinned because there was one main difference between high and sober Dazai: his critical thinking.

"Why?" Was his immediate question and the younger teen tried to hide it but he was confused about it. He was expecting something else like 'stop making height jokes' and stuff like that, not this.

"Why not?"

"Answer my question or I won't promise anything."

"Fine by me, then I will just send the videos around." His younger self smiled and Dazai tried to kill him with his gaze. The brunet hated not knowing the conditions and to be fair, under other circumstances Chuuya wouldn't force him like this. A forced promise meant nothing after all, but it was Dazai and there was no other way to wring that promise out of him again.

"I hate you," the younger teen said, voice cold but his thoughts told a different story. He was sorta impressed by Chuuya, not surprised though that the other created this ultimatum. Chibi is so smart and Chuuya felt warm. The younger adored him so much and was always seeing Chuuya as equal (even though his jokes told a different story).

"Lovely, now promise."

"Alright," Dazai cleared his throat and started to make a little show out of it. His movements were comically bigger than they would have to be as he placed one hand over his heart and lifted the other in the air, closing his eyes, to declare with fervor: "I hereby solemnly swear that I will only get high with Chuuya."

"Perfect." Dazai immediately moved his hands, laid them down on the table, and was quiet for three seconds.

"You don't have any videos."

"Nope." An agonized sigh left Dazai's mouth and Chuuya smiled.

"Well, keep your part and tell me what happened."

"Ah, nothing out of the ordinary," the lie left his mouth a bit too easy but it was probably because he was actually doing Dazai a favor here.

"Go on."

"We just watched movies. The only thing that might be remarkable is that we figured out you're a little touch-starved so we cuddled while watching movies. That's also why we were sleeping like that." His voice was casual and he shrugged his shoulders. Chuuya's younger self hoped that if he was calm about it, maybe Dazai would just be laid-back about it. It didn't work.

"How is that nothing out of the ordinary for you?!" Dazai was shocked by it, eyes wide as he stared at Chuuya. His whole body language was tense and his thoughts were too fast.

"Friends do that," at least the younger sheep did. Albatross' way of showing affection was also through proximity. He hugged them as a greeting and as a way to say goodbye, he used to wrap an arm around his friends’ shoulders all the time, showing his connection through physical touch. Dazai’s thoughts came to a halt. Big hopeful eyes looked into blue ones.

"You consider me a friend?" And the question was so carefully spoken, more like a whisper so Dazai could just pretend he said something else if Chuuya would say 'no'.

"Yeah? You're annoying as fuck but you're my closest friend," his younger self admitted just to look at the younger teen with a frown. "Don't you consider me a friend? I mean I'm not Oda but-"

"Of course you are!" You're so much more than that. Chuuya smiled. It was adorable that Dazai was so hyped about it. The joyful gleam in his eyes and the big smile on his lips were a beautiful sight. But it made sense: they usually didn't talk about stuff like that. They never said they were friends before even though they clearly checked all the boxes for it (they also checked all the silly boxes for crushing hard on each other). "And Oda is more like an older brother to me? Ango's the same, I mean they're my friends but- I mean you are- I-"

"I know what you're trying to say," Chuuya interrupted the younger teen with a gentle smile. "You want to stay? I just made breakfast."

"I already ate but how about I beat you in Mario Kart when you're done?"

"Ha, dream on!"

Chapter Text

Real Chuuya was running alongside their younger selves. They were on a mission. Their job was to infiltrate the building and shatter the organization that operated from there. The infiltration worked but they were snitched out by someone. Dazai at least cursed a name as they ran through the dark corridor. The building they were in was old and ugly and far away from the city. It was a huge block of cement, with small windows that didn't help them at all because it was dark outside and because they were on the sixth floor. Suddenly Dazai moved into a room and Chuuya's younger self followed him, closing the door and using his ability to block it with heavy shelves filled with useless information.

"How long till they get here?" His younger self questioned while Dazai moved a few boring folders out of a shelf to create a makeshift chair to sit on and placed his hand on top of his leg as he faced the window.

"Three minutes," Dazai stared off into the night sky, a smile on his face, but Chuuya didn't like it one bit.

"What do we do now?" Normally Chuuya would just use his ability to get rid of any annoying assholes that were trying to kill them, but he couldn't. The organization they fought against used rifles of a higher caliber, making the bullets too fast for Chuuya to stop them. They weren't deadly for Chuuya, hell most of them didn't even leave bleeding wounds, but it was irritating as fuck and he couldn't fight like that back then. That left him and Dazai in a rather rough state, their clothes ripped by grazing bullets, causing them to retreat into this shitty room they were stuck in now.

"There's nothing we can do."

"What?! Don't lie to me, you always have a stupid plan!"

"Not this time, I'm afraid."

"You're so fucking useless!" Chuuya's younger self snapped, walking to the window and smashed it with his ability to prevent the sharp broken splinters of glass from hurting them. He stuck his head through the opening, looking up and down, a plan forming in his head. He faced Dazai, "There, we can climb down to the fifth floor and exit the stupid building to get back-up."

"I can't."

"I know you hate exercise but it's the only way!" Chuuya pressed and Dazai smiled at him, but it seemed sad. After that he lifted the hand he placed on his leg to reveal a deep wound, not deep enough to be life-threatening, he could still run after all, but he definitely couldn’t climb down the building.

"I really can't, Chuuya," and he was laughing a bit while the older teen rushed to his side, ripping his jacket in half to bind it around the wound, stopping the blood from flowing out.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Two minutes," Dazai ignored his question, "you should get going Chibi, I'm sure they will take hostages and then you can storm in playing your role as my loyal guard dog." They both knew that wouldn't be the case, yet Dazai sounded like he truly believed it.

"No, there's gotta be another way!"

"There is, but I will never ask you to do that. Just go already, it's gonna be fine." A lie, a bad so stupid. As if Chuuya would ever leave his partner behind, after all the loss he already had to endure. 

"Whatever stupid plan it is, I can handle it!"

"The only way for both of us to get out of here is to use Corruption, Chuuya."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Dazai chuckled a bit, closing his eyes. "It's your decision if you use it or not and whatever you decide: I'm okay with it." The younger teen already looked like he had made peace with the situation and that fucked Chuuya's younger self up immensely. They weren't dying here. Seriously, Dazai always said it's his choice but how could it be one if the brunet would die if he didn't? Chuuya's younger self started to take off his gloves just to throw them in Dazai's stupid pretty face.

"Then you better be okay with using your stupid legs to stop me, shitty Dazai," Chuuya's younger self spat out, using his ability to move the stuff away he put in front of the door.

"One minute," Dazai whispered as Chuuya stepped through the door, saying his phrase moving towards the enemies, ready to kill them all. "Stupid Chibi," despite the insult the words were spoken lovingly into the empty room. The sound of bullets and pained screams filling the air were overpowered by sinister laughter.

"And so we meet again," real Dazai greeted the dark spheres that were closing in on him.

To your god's regret.

"You don't enjoy my company?" Dazai asked a hand cramping over the clothes above his heart, in a rightful gesture of honest pain. "I'm hurt."

You're going to experience real pain, traitor.

"Oh woe is me, me is woe, make these terrible memories stop, I can't stand to see how I beat Chibi at Mario Kart again, that's just too much for my poor heart."

Your god only allowed you to witness those times to crush you with the memories following them.

Okay, Dazai had to admit that didn't sound good. He was already suffering through this stupid ability and it seemed like Chuuya's stupid god knew that. Maybe he should've just kept his mouth shut. It wasn't smart to mock a higher being after all. But it was also boring to be stuck in this white abyss.

"What happened to my god trying to get rid of me?"

Your god postponed your department to make you suffer like you deserve for leaving.

"How often do I have to explain that I left the mafia, not Chuuya?!"

No difference. You left and you'll suffer for it.

Lovely.

The roof was gone. Debris was littered everywhere. The center of the chaos was Chuuya's corrupted form, throwing spheres at everyone who dared to attack him. Dazai was standing close by, armed with a rifle he took from a corpse. The brunet was shooting the persons that were stopping to attack Chuuya to run away, putting himself in great danger while doing so but if even one of them survived they know Chuuya's weakness and Dazai just wouldn't allow that as he shot down every coward who tried to save their life. A few people also shot at Dazai but he managed to take them out, hiding behind one wall piece that survived the chaos. It didn't take long until every enemy was dead, but there was a problem: Chuuya was still in the air, firing spheres with no aim while laughing like a maniac.

Dazai's brain shut down, the consequence of him being unable to reach Chuuya stopped every thought in his brain and kicked in his last resort as a human being: fight or flight (or freeze) response. Mindlessly the teen picked up a rock and threw it, unconsciously choosing to fight. And in the moment the stone flew Dazai came back to his senses, eyes following the stone headed right at Chuuya's corrupted form and he immediately ran towards the nearest wall to hide. The laughter stopped right as Dazai made it to the wall. Real Chuuya looked at his corrupted self that was scanning the surroundings, trying to figure out where that stone came from. He flew closer to the ground, the concrete floor shaking and crumbling as he landed a few feet away from Dazai's hiding place. The footsteps were loud, every step heavy due to gravity and Dazai held his breath, trying to be as quiet as possible while he waited for the right moment to deactivate Corruption. The sound of footsteps stopped, it was eerie quiet for a few seconds then the wall Dazai was hiding behind shook and a huge piece of it was missing a few centimeters right next to Dazai. There was a huge hole in the floor now. The younger teen instinctively pressed his hands over his mouth, eyes closed tightly as he tried to be as quiet as possible while he hoped to morph with the wall.

It was dangerously quiet, the silence was ringing in Dazai's brain, leaving him feeling deaf to the world.

The teen was so frightened, glued to his place. But he wasn't afraid of a quick death through a gravital sphere, no, he feared not being able to save Chuuya. Because I'm the only one who can stop this and if I can't I deserve to die Chuuya highly disagreed with that dysfunctional thought manifesting in Dazai's brain. It took a few agonizing long seconds before footsteps were heard again, and they moved away. The brunet opened his eyes, moving his shaking hands from his mouth, and took in a quiet breath, keeping his breathing shallow. Then he carefully moved, back still pressed against the wall as he turned his head to peer cautiously out from behind it. He saw Chuuya's back a few meters away and took that as a signal to move. His eyes looked at the floor carefully maneuvering his feet around debris, trying his best to not make a single sound. Then he pushed away from the wall and started to move in the direction of Chuuya's corrupted form.

If Dazai was an average human being without a death wish, his mind would probably scream at him for getting closer to the danger in front of him. But the teen wasn't average and he wasn't afraid of Chuuya's form at all. Hell, the teen saw beauty in the destruction around them, but he didn't focus on those thoughts as he tip-toed around the wreckage left behind. The only thought was that he needed to reach Chuuya no matter what and the teen was so close already. Maybe a meter away, arm already trying to reach out but then his foot hit a piece of rubble causing some parts of it to fall to the ground. His corrupted younger self turned around immediately, eyes wild and a big grin forming on his face, showing off his teeth as he put one arm in the air creating a huge sphere in his hand. Dazai just closed the distance in a jump-like movement, pressing his lips together in pain, trying not to scream in agony as he had to put his weight on his wounded leg.

To real Chuuya this situation had something from a horror movie. How could Dazai face him like this? Corruption fully checked the uncanny-valley description even though Dazai didn't agree for some weird reason. The smile and the laughter and the way he moved, everything about his corrupted form screamed monster and Dazai once compared this form to an angel. He was no fucking angel, not even close, then while Dazai moved forward Chuuya's corrupted self lowered the arm with the sphere in Dazai's direction. Dazai's hand reached him, No Longer Human canceling out Corruption. It was close though.

He almost killed Dazai.

Suddenly Chuuya heard Dazai's voice scream in his head, both the young one and the agency detective and they were yelling: Don't you dare to dehumanize yourself, you're not yourself during Corruption. And they were right of course. Still, Chuuya couldn't shake the thought. He almost lost Dazai. A few centimeters and then the brunet would be no more.

"The enemies are gone now. Take a rest, Chuuya," Dazai said in a calm voice with a smile on his face. A fucking smile after facing a near-death experience. The brunet and real Chuuya watched how the red marks faded away and how the crazy eyes, narrowed only to pupils, swelled back into beautiful blue ones.

"’Zai?" The voice of his younger self was too hoarse to speak properly and he coughed immediately after saying the name as if that took all his breath away.

"I'm here," Dazai was a bit confused. This was the first time Chuuya talked to him right after Corruption apparently and Chuuya couldn't remember it to be honest. "You did it, Chuuya, you can sleep now. Leave the rest to me, okay?"

Instead of answering, his eyes closed and his body went limp, forcing himself to take a well-deserved break to regenerate. Dazai moved so he was sitting on the ground, stones and broken glass dug into his skin, but he ignored it as he gently placed Chuuya on top of him, letting the older teen use him as a pillow. Dazai sighed and then pulled out his phone, he hesitated a bit before typing in a number.

"Yeah, I know it's late and- Listen, it's about Chuuya, the mission went haywire and he needs medical attention...No! Don't inform Mori. He's just going to put pressure on Chuuya..." Who was the teen talking to if not Mori? "I know it's a lot to ask but I’ll take the blame, nothing will fall back on you! Just- please?"." Whoever was on the other side of the phone talked for a long time. Suddenly, Dazai smiled. "You're the best Ane-san!" Oh, Chuuya actually should've known that. Dazai told him that the woman was helping them out when he woke up in an unfamiliar room.

Dazai was looking at the sky, constantly searching for a helicopter that would pick them up. While he was doing that, he gently moved his hand through Chuuya's hair, carefully loosening the knots the crusty blood of his enemies created. It took a while till there was a bright dot in the night sky getting closer to them.

The Helicopter couldn't land on the roof, because the roof wasn't there anymore and the building itself was too destroyed for a safe landing. So a rope ladder was thrown down and at the same time, Golden Demon was floating to them. Dazai stood up and gently moved Chuuya with him. Golden Demon was watching them and stretched her arms out and Dazai handed her Chuuya's unconscious younger self. The ability waited, looked at Dazai, then at his leg, bright yellow shining eyes staring at the younger teen. Dazai followed her gaze.

"Ah, it's alright, I just hold onto the ladder," the brunet waved the unspoken question away with a hand gesture as he grabbed hold of the ladder. It clearly hurt him, Golden Demon seemed to realize that too but there was nothing she could do for Dazai because No Longer Human would interfere, so the elegant ability floated up to place Chuuya's younger self into the helicopter. Dazai was gripping the ladder but the helicopter didn't start to fly away, instead, the ladder was pulled up slowly. As Dazai reached the helicopter, Ane-san was already offering her hand so the teen could get in. Dazai did reach for her hand but then stopped, eyes searching the space for something and as his gaze landed on Chuuya's younger self, lying on the floor, he accepted the help from Ane-san.

They didn't say a word. The helicopter was too loud for it anyway. Dazai immediately moved towards Chuuya, sitting down right next to him, and placed Chuuya's head on his knees. Golden Demon was hovering next to their younger selves, silently handing Dazai a damp towel and the teen started to carefully wipe off the blood that landed on Chuuya's skin during the fight. He was so focused on his self-proclaimed task that he didn't pay any attention to the girls who were watching him. One of them had wavy black hair and the other had curly blond hair. They were pretty and they knew it. As of now, they were on their phones, texting each other. Sometimes they would giggle and other times the black-haired girl would blush after receiving a text and stare at Dazai longingly. Chuuya knew them, he never bothered to learn their names though. Both girls were under Ane-san's wing and they were phenomenal at what they did, they must be, otherwise, they wouldn't be trusted to sit in this helicopter, picking Dazai and Chuuya's younger self up behind Mori's back.

Chuuya didn't like them.

The only reason was that they both were very clearly interested in Dazai. The blond girl just wanted to check if the rumors were true about Dazai being a great lover or something and the black-haired girl was crushing on him. It was annoying. Chuuya had starred them down so many times when he was eighteen, always standing closer to Dazai when the girls were around showing them that they didn't stand a fucking chance. If anyone could get close to Dazai, both physically and emotionally, it was Chuuya and not some random girls for fucks sake! So yeah, Chuuya was a jealous piece of shit to both girls. It was completely beyond him that Dazai never noticed it.

"They fawned over you," Ane-san informed Dazai as she stepped into the penthouse the younger teen booked. The elegant woman told Mori she needed the helicopter to get to a potential and very generous client and that wasn't a lie. She had to go there, that's why she was accompanied by the girls and that's why she only stepped into the openly designed space that is the penthouse.

"Who?" Dazai didn't really look at her, he was already moving away from the door to take care of Chuuya's younger self who was still unconscious. The brunet was fluffing up his pillows, making sure the exhausted young Chuuya would be comfortable.

"My girls? They were with us in the helicopter," Ane-san clarified astounded that the always vigilant teen didn't notice two girls that stared at him with hearts in their eyes.

"Oh, I didn't notice," Dazai shrugged as he turned to Ane-san, "do you want to drink something? A nice tea?" And it was unusual to see the younger teen this hospitable.

"That would be an absolute delight, nothing better than to talk over a cup of tea," the elegant woman seated herself on the table waiting patiently for Dazai to prepare everything.

"Talk about what?"

"Don't play dumb, lad," Ane-san admonished him, "I want to know what you told Mori." Dazai didn't say anything, he just hummed, focusing on his task to serve tea. Chuuya noted that the pleasant scent that was settling into the air hinted at the aroma of his favorite tea and real Chuuya smiled while walking closer to the younger teen that was setting down a teacup in front of Ane-san and himself. It was silent for a while, the elegant woman took a sip of her tea, a compliment slipping out of her mouth, causing Dazai to smile a bit.

"I didn't put you in any danger with my lie, if that's what you're worried about," Dazai suddenly answered her prior question.

"What do you think will happen if he figures out you deceived him?" There was a small pause, then she added: "We both know it's only a matter of time and there's nothing I can do for you if-"

"I'm not asking you to do anything, Ane-san. You already risked enough by picking us up. I know that Mori is going to realize I lied, but what was the alternative? Have Chuuya up after three measly days of recovery? Look at him." Both their gazes landed on Chuuya's sleeping form and real Chuuya had to admit that he looked like shit. "He needs more than Mori will give him."

"At what cost?"

"Whatever it takes."

"Dazai this isn't-"

"Mori's going to punish me, but if that's what it takes to assure that Chuuya gets to rest, then I'll accept whatever punishment he throws my way." They sipped on their tea, silence stretching between them, but there were so many thoughts rushing through Dazai's brain.

"It's dangerous to protect someone in the Mafia, Dazai," the older broke the silence after what felt like hours. The features of Ane-san were filled with sadness, there was so much emotion in her face, so much remorse in her eyes. Dazai's gaze got softer as he looked at her, a delicate smile forming on his face, but it was full of sorrow as two words passed through his lips.

"I know."

He was watching his younger self, just like Chuuya did. The taller teen was sitting at a desk that was close to the bed, sorting through a stack of boring paperwork. Sometimes he put the finished paper into a drawer. He was so focused on his task that he didn't realize that Chuuya was just staring at him, a smile on his face and Dazai wished to be able to hear his thoughts but Arahabaki hated him, so that wasn't happening. Chuuya silently watched him for so long, seriously, it might have been an hour already, maybe even more than that.

"Seeing you do paperwork will always be weird," Chibi joked. His voice sounded like sandpaper, not used to speaking since he was asleep for two days. Dazai's younger self let go of his pen and rushed to Chuuya's side. He took the water bottle from the nightstand to gently push it into Chuuya's hand.

"How are you feeling?" He asked while he watched how the smaller teen fought to get into a sitting position. His hands moved to help him, but Chuuya's gaze told him to let him be, so he did.

"Like shit." Chuuya opened the bottle, taking huge sips. The bottle was half empty as he put it down, eyes scanned the unfamiliar room. "Where are we?"

"Oh, I just thought you'd hate it if I broke into your apartment and my container isn't really good for recovery so I booked this place instead" his younger self lied. Chuuya was looking at him.

"I'm too tired for your bullshit."

"Oh, I'm hurt, truly hurt, Chuuya!" His younger self rightfully declared, his hand cramping over the fabric of his shirt right above his heart.

"Quit it, tell me why we're not in the mafia." Stupid Chuuya and his totally unnecessary questions. He should just enjoy the quality of the expansive suit which Dazai paid a ridiculous amount of money for.

"Ah, well, we just thought it would be better for you to rest further away from any source of stress." It wasn't a lie per se, he didn't explain who the 'we' he talked about was and Ane-san technically agreed with him, so yeah, not a lie.

"Oh, that's oddly nice?" and the older teen looked so cute as he tried to hide his happy smile.

"Right? I tried to tell them that this suite is waaaaay too big for such a tiny mafioso but they ignored me," his younger self grinned until Chuuya threw a pillow at his head, causing both Dazai's to laugh. "If you can aim at my beautiful face you are really feeling better."

"I was feeling better until you decided to open your stupid mouth," Chibi barked and it was relieving to see Chuuya this active after Corruption. Dazai was afraid that the teen would need the medical attention Mori provided but it seemed like the nurse Dazai paid a huge amount of money was enough. Now his younger self just had to make sure that Chuuya had everything he needed to recover.

"Are you hungry?" He changed the topic and before the small teen could answer his stomach growled causing Chuuya to blush a bit, turning his head to the side in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

"Maybe," he tried to play it down and Dazai's younger self chuckled.

"Wanna order something?" His younger self handed Chuuya the room service menu.

It was cute how Dazai took care of him. Right now, they were eating together, his younger self on the bed and Dazai on a chair next to the bed. They did end up ordering take-out because Chuuya craved a pizza and the Hotel didn't have those on their menu.

Chuuya remembered how he woke up that day, how he stared at the younger teen for what felt like seconds, but might as well had been hours. He just couldn't get enough of seeing him do ordinary shit in peace. Dazai was alive. Chuuya did it. He saved the younger teen who was so ready to die in that tiny room while looking out of the small window, ready to face whatever would happen to him, just so that Chuuya wouldn't have to use Corruption. But Chuuya would continue to use it, even if someday his body couldn't take it anymore and he would die from internal bleeding. He didn't give a single fuck about how painful it would be if he could save Dazai that way, he'd endure the pain. Just like how Dazai would face a painful death with peace. It was insane to Chuuya that they both had the same motivation for it: to keep the other alive and save. 

Their pizzas were long eaten, but they hadn't moved much. Dazai's younger self was on the chair next to the bed, watching how Chuuya swirled a wine glass because Chibi had ordered one thing from the room service: Wine.

Ridiculous expansive wine.

Chuuya was so excited when his eyes landed on the wine card and he saw some fancy wine from some river region in some part of Germany Dazai couldn't care less about. But Dazai did care about Chuuya and the teen was so unbelievably cute whenever he got hyped over something trivial, so his younger self caved in and called the room service. Chuuya was still sitting in bed, wine glass in his hand and swirling it around while he explained how special the overrated grape juice was. He was talking about the scent and the 'tears' the wine left on the sides of the glass which were an indicator for how much alcohol was in the wine apparently and if any other person would talk to Dazai about wine he would tell them to shut up, but it was Chuuya so there was no way in hell that he would stop the older teen from talking about something he was so passionate about. He let Chuuya go on and on about why this wine was so, so good and showed interest by asking questions from time to time. The other beamed at him explaining the process of something Dazai asked about. It was adorable to see the other this happy over something so trivial.

"Do you wanna try?" Chibi suddenly asked, already slightly stretching his arm to hold it towards Dazai's younger self.

"You really wanna waste it on me?"

"It's not wasted," Chuuya insisted, and if the older teen wanted him to actually try it then who was Dazai to say 'no' to that?

"Alright," his younger self accepted the glass Chibi kept holding in his direction. He swirled it around, watching the 'tears' of the wine slowly drip down the sides of the glass. He felt a bit stupid because it was just overpriced grape juice but it was something dear to Chuuya so he decided to treat it with respect, even trying to decipher the scent of the wine in all the different rubriques the other just told him about. Then he took a sip. It wasn't bad. Hell, it probably tasted like heaven to people who knew something about wine but Dazai just wasn't the wine type. He preferred whisky and couldn't really appreciate a fine wine. He could, however, appreciate that Chuuya shared his precious wine with him. "It's good," he admitted handing Chuuya the glass back. It's one of the best wines he ever drank, but that doesn't say much, because he can count the times he drank overrated grape juice on one hand. It just wasn't his preferred flavor.

"See? Told you it tastes amazing," the older teen was so fucking happy that Dazai liked the wine, it was so unfair how cute the other could be. "Wanna get your own glass so we can drink it together?"

"Eh, you know I don't really like drinking wine, right? You should treasure the special wine without me."

"Nonsense! The best thing about an amazing wine is that you share it with friends," Chibi declared and looked so fucking adorable that Dazai melted.

"Okay, but only one glass!"

Dazai stopped Chuuya from emptying the whole bottle. The small teen was now sulking over the fact that he was just allowed to finish his almost empty (read: full) wineglass. But Dazai's younger self really didn't need a drunk Chibi while he tried to finish annoying paperwork. They ended up talking about all kinds of things while Chuuya cherished his last drops of overpriced grape juice.

"...and then he just ran away! Like can you believe that?"

"What an idiot."

"Right?!"

"Speaking of idiots: Ace is still trying to find the culprit behind our little pranks," his younger self laughed, but Chuuya didn't laugh. His face turned rather serious.

"He's still doing that? It's been like…" he paused as he tried to remember how old they were back then, "two years."

"Ace thinks that the pranks are the reason why he doesn't have a chance with Ane-san, which is honestly pretty pathetic," Dazai informed the other, still amused by Ace's stupidity.

"Don't you think he'll figure out we're behind it?" Chuuya worried and real Dazai would like to laugh it off and say that Ace was too stupid for that but he was wrong. Ace really figured it out. Dazai remembered how the executive caused him so much pain. He was glad that the casino owner was dead, he just hated that it wasn't his doing, but Fyodor's. Thinking about it...will Chuuya see it? He was on his way to the older teen after all when Ace ambushed him like the weakly coward he was. But, even without this ability shit, Dazai was sure that Chuuya knew who was able to harm him. The older teen was as intelligent as he was strong. It would always be beyond Dazai how anyone could doubt that. Sure, he himself joked that Chuuya was stupid all the fucking time, but that's just that: jokes.

"Ace? Figuring something out? Don't be ridiculous." Oh, how reckless his younger self was. How full of himself. But seriously, who would think that an adult would be so fucking mad over harmless pranks? That an adult would hold a childish grudge for so long. Dazai sure didn't.

"But what if he does?"

"Well, then he probably tells Mori and we have to do some extra paperwork or shit like that."

"Mhm, if you say so..."

"When have I ever been wrong about stuff like this, Chuuya?" His younger self asked with a stupid grin and real Dazai wanted to punch his stupid face. He felt so invincible in his position in the mafia. Chuuya and him weren't executives but they definitively were high-ranked and close to the top of the hierarchy. He thought that no one in the mafia would dare to harm them, he was so fucking wrong about that assumption. First Ace hurt him and then fucking Mori did by killing his brother figure. He should have seen it coming. He should've known but he was blinded by his fucking entitlement back then.

It was all his fault in a way. He could've saved Oda. But instead, Oda saved him, with his dying wish. It was so much better on the side that saves others. But it wasn't perfect. It never would be, because Chuuya wasn't there with him.

He missed him so much. The older teen always used to make everything better just by simply being by his side. And Dazai fucking destroyed it. He didn't leave Chuuya a chance to continue to stay by his side because he was too fucking afraid of the possibility that Chuuya wouldn't come with him- or even worse: That he would've begged him to stay. And which choice would Dazai have had except to stay in the mafia? He would've stayed and he would've died, but not in the way he always wanted to. And Chuuya would've been by his side, suffering through Dazai's ultimate downfall.

No.

He had to leave. But he shouldn't have been a coward about it.

"You want to do paperwork?" Chuuya's voice suddenly ripped him out of his thoughts and Dazai focused back on the memory playing in front of him.

"I have to do paperwork, yes," Dazai's younger self replied in an attempt to dance around Chuuya's actual question. And he was already sitting down in front of the desk again, pen in his hand as he scanned the paper. Chuuya looked at him, studied his body language, and then his brows pulled together in worry.

"I'm bored, let's watch a movie or something," and it was a bit unusual for the older teen to sulk about it. Usually, Dazai sulked about something until Chuuya gave in.

"I don't have time, the Switch is on the little nightstand next to you. How about you train a bit so you can actually beat me at Mario Kart for a change?"

"I don't need to train, you asshole! I could beat you right now!" Dazai's younger self only laughed at that and didn't react to it further. "You're just scared to lose!" Chuuya was trying to provoke him into playing. That's actually adorable because it wasn't working at all.

"Just let me do paperwork." Chuuya's brows pulled together further like he was thinking really hard about something and then he took the Switch. Suddenly a grin spread across his face, but he schooled his expressions.

"Hey, Dazai," he asked innocently, typing something into the Switch. "Guess who uploaded a new snake video?" And that did get his attention, but Dazai's younger self tried to hide it. "Oh, it's your favorite kind of video too, he's ranking if a dangerous snake would be a good pet for you~" Chuuya was teasing him now, already pretty sure that he won because it was quiet for a few moments.

"I have to do paperwork."

Chuuya looked so disappointed. He took a deep breath and then he did something so incredibly sweet that Dazai still couldn't believe it.

"But I want to watch it."

And Dazai was so tempted already to just give in to spending a few minutes next to Chuuya to watch a video, so it was already noticeable in his voice that he was trying hard to not be affected by Chuuya's methods: "You can watch it without me." It was silent and then Chuuya took a slightly deeper breath.

"But it's scary alone." And Dazai loved him so much for it. It was so obvious that Chuuya just swallowed his pride and exaggerated being scared just so Dazai would take a break. Just the cutest shit out there. How could anyone be so utterly adorable? Dazai's younger self didn't stand a chance. He immediately let the pen go and moved towards the bed, where Chuuya was biting on his lip to not grin at him.

"Alright, one video," he clarified before he climbed into bed and Chuuya lifted the blanket for him, so they could get comfy.

"One video," Chuuya repeated and it sounded so honest but there was a smug air surrounding the older teen as he pulled Dazai closer, using his chest as a pillow for his head causing Dazai to lay down completely on the stupidly soft mattress. Dazai's younger self started the video, arguing with Chuuya that he should hold the Switch because he was taller, which didn't make any sense at all but Dazai just didn't want exhausted Chuuya to hold up the Switch for so long. He started the video and they were only five minutes in and his younger self was asleep. Chuuya looked at him and there was a relieved smile on his face.

"Finally," he sighed as he carefully removed the Switch from the grip of his younger self. "How long did you stay awake this time doing stupid paperwork, hm?" He asked while he threw a pillow induced with gravity against the light switch so they were sitting in the dark. Oh. That's why he was so smug, wasn’t it? He knew that Dazai's sleep-deprived self would fall asleep within the first minutes. Damn. Chuuya swallowed his pride just to give him the time to sleep?

Chuuya was the best.

"Will you ever tell me why you suddenly overwork yourself with stupid paperwork?" Chuuya asked the sleeping teen while he got under the blanket again. Real Dazai was still amazed that this whole proximity level came so naturally to the other. Chuuya was already smuggling closer to Dazai, resting his head on his chest and one arm sling across Dazai's torso, gripping his shoulder to ensure he wouldn't sneak away again.

Real Dazai smiled. It was so heavenly to wake up next to Chuuya. Dazai could still count the days their younger versions slept together in bed on one hand but that would change soon. A few weeks after Chuuya's eighteenth birthday and suddenly they were almost always sleeping next to each other in Chibi's ridiculously huge bed. It was around that time that Chuuya figured out that Dazai couldn't sleep well when he wasn't lying down, so it made sense that Chuuya started to share his bed with him.

"No, but this stupid ability probably will," Dazai answered the question even though Chuuya couldn’t hear him and the memory faded into another one.

Chapter Text

"You know I could help you, right?" 

"I can do this." 

"Dazai, please let me- Ow! Did you just hit me with a whisk?!" 

"And I will do it again if you don't stay away from the batter, Ango!"

"You can hardly call it batter after all the wrong measurements you did!"

"Just let him be Ango, he wants to impress Chuuya," Oda said in an attempt to stop the quarrel between his friends but it had the opposite effect because now both parties were starting to argue with him. Of course, they tried to do it simultaneously. 

"I am not trying-" 

"Let him be?! Did you see-" 

"-to impress him at all-" 

"-what he did do my kitchen-" 

"-it's just that if Chibi can-" 

"-look at the chaos, Oda!" 

"-bake a stupid cake then I can do so too!" 

"Dazai, stop lying to yourself, and don't worry Ango, we will help you clean up," Oda calmly replied to his angered friends. Chuuya loved that Oda was right in his assumption: Dazai really wanted to impress him, and all of the younger's thoughts were focused on wooing Chuuya's younger self with a self-baked cake. God, Dazai was so fucking precious.  

"I'm not lying!" Dazai screamed all defensive but his voice broke and his ears turned red. Dazai was adorable and Chuuya felt like a broken record but it wasn't his fault the younger one was acting so cute. 

"Sure," Oda chuckled a bit and Glasses Guy was definitely calmer now, a smile on his lips as he watched the teen mixing the batter. They still fought about stuff, throughout the making of the cake. They had a short quarrel about the cake tin and the right oven temperature and so on. It all felt so warm to Chuuya. Even when it all went wrong and Dazai did chaotic shit the atmosphere was still so welcoming. Even the little fights felt so full of love that it was astounding. And while Chuuya watched every wrong little decision Dazai made, time passed and the cake was done. 

It looked horrendous. The worst cake ever baked. 

It was a two-layered chocolate cake with melted chocolate dripping down the edges or at least it tried to be. Dazai was too impatient and didn't wait long enough for the cake to cool down, so the butter creme he put between the layers melted, causing the top layer to slide down. The cake itself was still too warm to hold its shape so pieces broke off. And the melted chocolate on top just dripped down completely leaving the cake naked, showing the brunt top layer. Since it was not covered it was also visible that a few pieces were stuck inside the cake tin, leaving it with little holes here and there. 

It looked sad. 

And Dazai seemed to realize that too. He stared at the cake and then he just slowly moved down until he was on the floor, facing the ceiling. Dazai really had a penchant for being dramatic.

"What kind of prodigy am I if I can't even bake a stupid cake?" He was mostly talking to himself, pressing his palms over his eyes in a defeated gesture. His two friends watched him and then Oda just laid down next to him on the floor. 

"Don't be so hard on yourself, I bet Chuuya's first cake was also a disaster," he tried to cheer the other up, but the teen just grumbled in disbelief. The assumption was wrong by the way: Ane-san taught him all the steps and the first cake he baked completely alone was perfect, just for the record. The bureaucrat watched them both and a long sigh left his mouth before he carefully moved to the floor as well. Chuuya had to admit it was rather cute that the two adults just wordlessly joined Dazai on the floor, regardless of the flour and all the backing ingredients Dazai scattered everywhere in his baking attempt. 

"It's only midnight, we could bake a new cake," Glasses Guy suggested. 

"Ugh," Dazai let his hands slide down his face in frustration. "How am I supposed to impress him if I can't bake a simple cake on my own?" It was a quiet admission, a whisper, and yet his friends caught it. To Chuuya's surprise, there wasn't any comment like 'Oh you admit it now?' or some other teasing comment.

"Do you really think you need a cake to impress him?" Oda questioned, looking at the younger teen who was stubbornly staring at the ceiling, refusing to look at his friend. 

"What else is left? Impressing him through singing didn't work because he has an amazing voice." 

"Come on, you probably impressed him with your strategies already," Government guy supplied, his voice had a disbelieving tone and Chuuya felt that. It was so weird to hear Dazai doubt his own assets. He usually bragged about his genius mind while playing cards or games in the arcade. He always seemed so sure of himself, so ahead of anyone, so proud of his accomplishments no matter if they were simply in-game or reality. Seeing the teen so insecure about all his skills and knowledge was weird as fuck. Especially since Dazai didn't even have to try to impress Chuuya's younger self. Chuuya was already completely under his spell even though he didn't realize it. But as soon as his younger self saw Dazai holding that cake surrounded by colorful fairy lights, everything clicked into place. God, Chuuya was so excited to witness the memory where he fell so hard for the younger teen out of Dazai's eyes.

"That doesn't count! That's stupid work-related stuff." What? Why doesn't that count? Work-related stuff was the first time Dazai ever impressed him back when they were still fifteen. Oda hummed seemingly lost in thoughts. 

"Did you talk to him about stars?" The older male asked after a while. "You know an impressive amount of stuff about them." Oda was right. Chuuya was and still is impressed by everything Dazai knows about space and everything in it. 

"I did," the teen mumbled, "but that's not- I don't even know, play?! It just doesn’t feel impressive! And how could I be impressive if I can't bake a dumb cake? I should just jump into the next river and end it all…"

"Okay, that's it," Government Guy interrupted the moping teen with a stern voice and got up. "Enough self-pity," he declared, already standing and lightly kicking Dazai in his side. The teen grumbled but otherwise didn't do anything to stop the 'attack'.

"Ango's right," Oda said as he got up from the floor and made his way to the cake tins. "Maybe it tastes more aromatic when it's burnt?" He wondered while Glasses Guy tried to get Dazai to stand up by pulling on his arms but the younger teen just went limp. 

"I swear to god if you eat the cake, Oda, I'm going to-" He interrupted himself with a huff because it took great effort to move the limp teen off the floor, "ugh, Dazai just move already!"  

"Just let me die in peace, Ango" Dazai whined as he tried to free his arms from Government Guy's grip so he could lie down on the floor again. Oda didn't pay any attention to them while he pried a piece of cake off the cake tin and ate it. Oda stared at the cake tin with genuine surprise on his features. 

"It's delicious," he let his friends know, still astounded by it as he took another piece.

"What?" Glasses Guy asked and let go of Dazai to get to Oda, causing the brunet teen to land on his ass with a muffled sound. 

"Ow, that was so rude!" Dazai complained before he just let his torso fall onto the ground once more, to continue his pity party mindlessly staring at the ceiling, while Oda was getting Glasses Guy to try the slightly burned pieces that stuck to the tin. He seemed skeptical but tried it.

"It's good," he mumbled, confused. "It shouldn't be this good- He didn't even measure correctly!"

"You guys don't have to pretend just to make me feel better," the sad lump on the floor voiced. 

"We're not pretending," Oda took a piece of cake while saying that and moved towards the teen. "Here, try it yourself." And Dazai did, he chewed and his eyes went wide. He moved so he was sitting upright on the floor.

"It's good," he whispered, and then he jumped up. "It's good!" He screamed excitedly as laughter started to bubble up his throat. Real Chuuya couldn't help but chuckle at the 180 turn Dazai's mood just made. "Do you think we can save the cake, Ango?" He asked, sounding so hopeful and hyped. Government Guy smiled.

"Let's get started," Glasses Guy said and then he started to bark out orders and his friends did as he told without a complaint. Oda scraped off the chocolate from the cake and the plate, and Dazai scraped off the cream that was on the cake and put the cake in the freezer. While they waited, Glasses Guy instructed Dazai to make a new butter creme, explaining each step and watching amused how Dazai was following every little step with so much care and concentration that the older male couldn't stop smiling. Then they grated off the burned part of the cake with a zester. They mixed half water and half sugar to soak the cake a bit to get rid of the burned taste and make it fluffy again. When they were done the cake still looked horrendous. It was still slightly sliding off and Dazai just couldn't get the chocolate right, it was either too melted or too stiff, and after the third attempt he gave up and just let the chocolate drip off the cake, leaving it naked and making all the fixes they did visible. It looked like a Frankenstein's monster theme cake, but you could clearly see that it wasn't the intended look.

"Hey, looks are not everything," Oda reassured, realizing that Dazai's cheerful mood began to fade again. "The cake you baked is delicious and you wrote everything down like I told you, right?" Dazai nodded, still staring at the cake disappointedly. "Perfect, just ask Chuuya to bake it with you next time. That way you get to spend time with him and woo him with your interest in baking." And just like that Dazai's mood was lifted and the memory faded into the next one.

Real Dazai was following Chuuya around. The tiny teen was on his way home. His subordinates did invite him again but this time he only stayed for one drink and didn't look at his phone at all. He seemed to get happier with every step that took him closer to the apartment, already expecting what awaited him inside. He didn't get his key out when he was in front of his apartment door because he knew that Dazai's younger self was in there and decorated the place with fairy lights. 

He opened the door and stepped inside, his eyes fell on the younger teen who was standing in front of him holding the cake with two hands presenting it and it was so surreal for real Dazai. Everything looked brighter and his younger self looked...different? It was hard to describe but Dazai felt like Chuuya's eye must have some sort of filter suddenly because the younger teen in front of them looked...less tired? Like, he didn't have the bags under his eyes and overall everything seemed...brighter? But before he could try to analyze the change further the memory faded. 

Real Chuuya couldn't fucking wait for his younger self to finally walk through the door. He was so excited to relive this memory and see it out of Dazai's eyes. The moment Chuuya realized his feelings was so close. Dazai had already done all the preparations, the fairy lights were placed around the apartment, and the only thing he couldn't make his mind up was the placement of the cake. At first, it was surrounded by fairy lights but that looked stupid because that highlighted the ugliness (Dazai's words not his) so he placed it farther away from the lights but that looked weird too. Right now he was holding the cake that was on a pretty plate Glasses Guy lent the younger teen. He used both his hands to carry the cake and his eyes were scanning the room. But he couldn't find a new position because the apartment door opened. No! I'm not ready! Why isn't he drinking with his subordinates? The younger teen turned around, cake still in his hands and Chuuya's younger self just stared at him. God, the teen looked so cute surrounded by the lights with his shoulders pulled up and his face slightly tilted.

"You're early," Dazai stated, his brain still in slight shock because he couldn't find a place for the stupid cake. Chuuya remembered how his gaze went from the teen to the cake and back to the teen. His younger self was mesmerized by the scene in front of him. Dazai holding a horrendous-looking cake left only one conclusion: He baked it himself. Chuuya watched the mimic of his younger self and could tell exactly that he was already melting on the inside from the cuteness and all the warm feelings that bloomed in him. Dazai suddenly seemed to light up the room. The fairy lights had nothing against him. "I made it myself! I know it looks ugly- I just- It's delicious! Eh- maybe we can bake together so it, eh, won't be this...ugly?" He stumbled over his words, insecure about the cake and the fact that Chuuya hadn’t said anything yet. He hates it was the only thought swirling around in Dazai's brain and he couldn't be farther from the truth, 'cause Chuuya loved it. He loved the fact that Dazai baked for him. He was so under the other’s spell that the words the younger just spoke took a while to reach his brain. He smiled as he crossed the distance between them. He carefully took the cake out of Dazai's hands and smoothly placed it on the table. "Eh?"

"Thank you," Chuuya's younger self said and his voice was so soft while he pulled the other into a hug. 

"Oh," Dazai had no clue what was happening right now but was glad it ended in Chuuya hugging him. "You're welcome." Dazai gently placed his arms around the older teen. Comfortable silence settled between them and then Chuuya's younger self started to panic: What if his love was unrequited? He hadn't thought about that at all and the hug was so fucking long already and Dazai was so smart what if he figures it out and then rejected him? He had to play it cool!

Yep. 

Those were some of the stupid thoughts running through his brain at the time. It was ridiculous considering that a) Dazai was head over heels for him and b) Dazai was fucking clueless for a so-called genius. Seriously, the agency detective that was stuck in Chuuya's memories was probably all like 'Huh? What is happening?' when he heard Chuuya's love-filled thoughts. Hell, he was probably doubting that Chuuya loved him, thinking that the ability messed with him and would show him stuff that could never be or some edgy shit.  

"I wanna try the cake," the older teen mumbled while he slowly let go of Dazai. They both moved towards the table where the younger teen had placed little plates and forks. The older teen sliced the cake and put a piece on each of their plates. Dazai observed Chuuya, visibly nervous, as he feared that the older teen wouldn't like the cake. Chuuya picked up a piece with his fork and brought it to his mouth, ready to pretend it was the best cake he had ever eaten to not hurt the younger man who had gone to so much trouble to bake it for him. He lowered his fork as he chewed, surprised that it was delicious. "It's delicious," he muttered somewhat disbelieving but undeniably happy about it. 

"You really think so?" Dazai asked, sounding timid and Chuuya's younger self just melted on the spot. God, real Chuuya remembered that his younger self couldn't believe that it took him this long to realize he was in love. It was so obvious now. 

"I do." 

Real Dazai was sitting on the table watching their younger selves instead of the movie that played behind him. He remembered this. It was still Chuuya's birthday and they already ate most of the cake. Chuuya even promised to help him the next time he would bake to make it look just as delicious as it tasted. Now both teens were sitting on the couch but one thing was different than all the other times: Chuuya didn't pull him closer and it was so strange. It made Dazai's younger self question everything they established so far. Did Chuuya not want them to be close on his birthday? Did the older teen realize that he didn't like their closure as soon as he turned eighteen? All those thoughts were running through his head back then and Dazai wished he could hear Chuuya's thoughts but he wasn't granted that luxury. 

So Dazai could just watch how his younger self moved closer to Chuuya on his own. He was so afraid back then that the other teen would push him away. But as his very stiff and nervous younger self slowly inched closer to Chuuya and let his head fall on the other’s shoulder, the older teen beamed as if he won the lottery and pulled him closer. 

Chuuya remembered how worried he'd been that he always was the one to initiate the closure between them. What if Dazai felt forced to be close to him? He never worried about it before but now he did because he wanted Dazai to like being right next to him. He wished that Dazai wanted it just as much as he did, so he waited. He didn't pull the teen closer as soon as the movie started. If Dazai moved to him then it meant that he wanted it too and if he didn't...well...Chuuya didn't want to think about that. 

And it turns out he didn't have to because Dazai was already moving closer to him. His brain was full of thoughts like What if he doesn't want me close anymore? or Will he push me away? or What am I even doing? and Chuuya couldn't help but smile at them. God, the younger teen was so nervous as soon as Chuuya's younger self was involved and it was the cutest shit ever. Real Chuuya chuckled a bit while the younger teen relaxed when he felt the older teen pull him closer, the gesture erased all his doubts and he melted into the touch. Both of them were finally at ease while they cuddled and watched the movie. 

Real Dazai guessed that a few days had passed since Chuuya's eighteenth birthday. 

He was walking right beside their younger selves who were walking through the corridors of the headquarters. They had just given Mori a report of their latest mission and were now headed to Chuuya's office space to write some more stupid reports. Okay, technically, only Chuuya was going to his office to actually do paperwork and Dazai's younger self just tagged along out of boredom and the desire to spend more time with Chuuya, even if it meant that the older teen would force him to write reports instead of doodling all over the paper. 

Something was strange though. 

Normally Chuuya would already bark insults because he kept following him. Since the birthday party, Chuuya has been acting slightly differently. It was strange back then, but his younger self didn't think too much about it. Maybe turning eighteen changed a person a bit, also, the changes were pleasant. Like for example, the older teen seemed a bit calmer around the brunet. Sure, he would still insult him and hit him and chase him if Dazai stole his stupid hat for fun but it wasn't as harsh as it used to be. It was softer in a way. Chuuya was more careful, more gentle with his words and insults and his punches and kicks. Not by much though and maybe any other person wouldn't have realized the difference at all but Dazai noticed the small shift in their dynamic. His younger self just thought that they needed time to get used to each other and that they finally settled into their friendship which hopefully would bloom into something more. 

Real Dazai didn't let it slide so easily. He was seeing everything out of Chuuya's perspective through this hell of an ability and it seemed to be more than just a new dynamic. He tried to analyze the sudden differences, the soft words and the gentle touches, and the way Chuuya seemed to be slightly more patient with him but Arahabaki was randomly skipping some memories. 

That only made Dazai want to figure it out even more! And he would get to the bottom of this and there was nothing that stupid god could do against it! He was a detective of the agency, after all, the best right after Ranpo. It would be ridiculous if he couldn't wrap his genius mind around this mystery. 

Dazai, Hirotsu, and Chuuya's younger self were in Dazai's office. They had a break and used it to play Switch with Hirotsu. His younger self sat cross-legged on the table and Hirotsu sat on the couch. Dazai sat next to him on the couch, trying to explain to Hirotsu the first steps of Minecraft. 

"Don't question it, just hit the tree," Dazai ordered and Gramps did just that. "See, now you have log in your inventory but we need more than one, so keep breaking the blocks to gather wood."

"How many do I need?"

"Well, at the moment we need like three to get better equipment," Dazai explained while he watched the man play. 

"And then?" 

"We gather all sorts of stuff to build a base and shit. The gathering never stops, it's part of the game," he then showed Hirotsu how to craft a crafting table and a wooden pickaxe. Then they upgraded to stone gear. "Good, now if you look up into the sky," Hirotsu did, "then you realize that it's getting dark and you don't want to be out when it's night, so we need to build a shelter." Dazai looked across the room to his younger self, "but I'm assuming Chuuya already did so."

"Of course I did. I even managed to gather enough wool to make two beds."

"Perfect, we're going to skip the first night and get you more used to the controls and gameplay. Chuuya, where's the base at?"

"Eh, 336, 71, and negative 38," the older teen replied.

"Okay, so give me your switch for a moment, Hirotsu," Gramps did and Dazai changed the setting so the position would always be on screen. "Now, you have to match up the numbers Chuuya told you with these. It's really simple: the first number is-" Dazai's explanation was cut short by Ane-san opening the door. 

"Dazai, Mori wants to see you," she informed the younger teen, and now Chuuya understood why the expression of the elegant woman seemed so sad and why Dazai's mood darkened instantly. He figured it out, was the thought that reached his ears, right followed by a long sigh from Dazai. Took him long enough. 

"Well, Chuuya will explain to you how to read the coordinates," Dazai spoke to Hirotsu and stood up heading to the door and real Chuuya followed him. 

"You have to come with me, Chuuya. End the game," Kouyou ordered and the tiny teen who had moved to sit next to Hirotsu to explain to him how to reach the base did as he was told.

"We will explain it to you next time," he promised the older male as he disconnected both switches from the server and followed the elegant woman. "So, what is this about, Ane-san?" The teen asked as they walked through the corridor.

"You're going to accompany me on a mission."

"Alright, where are we headed?" A smile appeared on her face and real Dazai couldn't blame her.

"France."

"What?!" Chibi screamed unbelievingly but yet excitedly. "Why? And how? Like I don't have luggage with me and I-"

"Calm down, lad. I have taken care of everything," she still was amused and happy for the teen. "As for why," her smile disappeared and her mood soured, "Mori just thought it would be best for you to learn how I keep afloat our international connections." Yeah, right. That asshole just wanted to separate his priced double black, because they've gotten too close for his liking, which was ridiculous since he wanted them to be close in the first place! Also, Mori was an idiot for thinking that distance could tear down their bond. Mori couldn’t destroy whatever they had. He never would’ve been able to do so. No, the only one that ever destroyed their bond was Dazai and he hated himself for it. 

"What do you want, Mori?" Dazai asked bored even though he already knew what this was going to be about. Mori was seated behind his big mahogany desk, his face resting on his hands, eyes closed with a smile on his face.

"You know exactly why I called you in here." The Boss of the Portmafia opened his eyes and the seemingly friendly smile turned ice-cold. 

"Do I?" Dazai feigned innocence, tilting his head slightly to the side even though his inside was turning into a knot of different emotions in a very unpleasant way. Mori stood up and walked towards him until they were too close for comfort and real Chuuya hated that he couldn't do anything else than watch. The air was heavy around them and it was just a matter of seconds until the dangerous tension would burst. Chuuya could tell that much. 

"I can help you to remember," before Dazai could respond he was slapped hard. His face flew to the side. Mori grabbed a fistful of Dazai's hair and turned him so he had to look him in the eyes again. "Do we need to repeat the method?" The boss asked with a sinister smile on his face and a crazy look in his eyes. Real Chuuya wished he could punch that disgusting expression off his face.

"I remember," Dazai stuttered out, took a deep breath, and while Chuuya found it weird to see the younger teen this defeated it at least kept him from getting harmed more. Dazai's thoughts were running too fast for Chuuya to catch any of them but he didn’t need to know that the teen was scared right now. "I remember that," but suddenly the timid voice changed. There was  an amused glint in Dazai's eye and Chuuya knew that whatever was going to leave Dazai’s mouth would escalate the situation even more, "your punches used to be stronger than this, old man." Yup, that's what Chuuya expected and he didn’t like the implication of it one bit. Stupid Dazai and his reckless tendency to completely disregard everything in a dangerous situation just to one-up the opponent with an insult and a shit-eating grin. It usually backfired pretty badly. This situation was no exception because Mori punched the teen into his stomach and by the way Dazai went down -hunched over, mouth wide open while weird hiccup-like noises left his throat- the older must have targeted his celiac plexus. Chuuya immediately knelt next to the teen. He knew it was useless but he still whispered reassuring things, wishing he could do something to help him catch his breath faster.  

"While you try to catch your breath, let me tell you why you're here. You lied to me." He looked down at Dazai, who was still on the ground trying to get air in his lungs just for nothing to happen. Chuuya knew it was a terrible feeling. "But you're young and mistakes happen.” The Boss used his shoe to lift Dazai’s face and Chuuya looked up too, hatred in his eyes. “You did complete your mission after all. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it was your idea to use Corruption, wasn't it?" 

Mori made a mocking pause to allow Dazai to object, but the younger could say nothing. He was still busy trying to get air into his desperate lungs. Chuuya balled his hands to fists. He didn't like this one fucking bit. The older male walked away from the teen, his hands casually behind his back as if he hadn't knocked the air out of the brunet but had gone out for a stroll through a park.

"Mhm, just like I expected. You're a great team. The only flaw is that you're a little too close."

"You…" Dazai finally managed to breathe again. His voice was so hoarse and he needed to catch his breath every few seconds, "...wanted us to…be a team and… to be that we needed…to be close."

"Yes, I did. But I don't want you to lie to me for his sake." Mori walked to Dazai. The teen was standing again (so was Chuuya) and Mori came to a halt in front of him. "You're under my order, Dazai. No one else's. So, it's time for you to get your priorities straight. But I guess that's hard for you with that little crush of yours, hm?" Mori asked a dark glint in his eyes and a mocking smile on his lips. "But don't worry, I’ve already taken action." Dazai's gaze darkened and fixed on the older male. It's like Mori pulled a switch and the brunet was automatically kicked into his demon prodigy persona. Ready to kill and torture anyone in his way.

"If you harm him in any way you will regret it," was the murderous threat that left Dazai's mouth and Mori just chuckled.

"Don't be silly. Why would I harm one of the mafia's strongest fighters? No, my plan is way more efficient and it's already set in motion." Chuuya decided that he didn’t like the expression the younger teen made when he was horrified. 

"What did you do?"

"Send Chuuya on a mission to France to accompany Kouyou. The Distance will help you to get your focus back where it belongs: The mafia and my orders."

"It's just a mission, he will be back soon. Your plan doesn't seem to be very long-term," Dazai pointed out, just so he said something. His mind was already screaming at the thought of not being close to Chuuya for however long this mission would take. 

"It’s only phase one of my plan."

"And what's phase two?" Instead of answering, Mori called for Elise. The girl appeared and had something in her hand, it was a small confetti cannon. The girl happily pulled on a string and confetti flew into Dazai's face. When the teen's vision wasn't hindered by all the colorful snippets of paper, he could see that the girl held a small banner where she misspelled the word 'Congratulation' in big bubble letters. "I don't get it?"

"It's to celebrate that you're going to be an executive!" Elise exclaimed happily, while she collected the fallen confetti to throw it into the air over herself to twirl in the colorful rain with a joyful expression. Dazai's thoughts came to a halt and he blinked a few times. 

"It's not official yet," Mori added, "I will announce it in two weeks. You are not allowed to tell anyone, yet." There was a silent threat surrounding the last sentence.

"This way you'll get a ton of workload and Chuuya has more time to buy dresses with me!" Elise giggled happily and moved towards the ground and moved her arms and legs up and down to make a snow angel out of confetti. "It also will make Chuuya hate you for hindering him to learn more about his past," Dazai said nothing. This was too much for the teen. His mind was still empty and Chuuya could tell that the younger teen felt like crying. But he obviously didn't want to break out into tears in front of Mori. 

"You haven't said anything. Is something wrong?" Their boss was such a fucking asshole, and yeah, Chuuya always knew that the head of the Portmafia wasn't a decent guy, but it always surprised him how fucking cruel and manipulative the man could be. 

"I just think it's a weird punishment to make me an executive." 

"Oh, we both know it's a very effective punishment for you because nothing else seems to get to you except for Chuuya. Don't even think about trying to let him know anything about his past. I will burn everything if I have the slightest suspicion. That being said, you can leave now." 

Dazai did so immediately. He rushed towards his own office, already trying to come up with the right words to explain this whole disaster to the older teen. Once he reached the door, he ripped it open, which was unusual for Dazai. Out of the two of them, Chuuya was the one who was this loud when entering (or leaving) a room.

"Chuuya, I promise I didn't-" Dazai blinked, surprised. Chuuya wasn't there anymore. Right. Dazai was already gone when Ane-san informed him of his mission. Hirotsu was still sitting on the couch though. 

"He's already gone," Hirotsu let him know. The older male seemed as sad about this as Dazai did. Dazai pulled out his phone to text Chuuya, only to see that the older teen sent him a message already.

Slug

OMG

You will never believe where I'm headed!

Me

To France?

Slug

...

How do you know?

Me

Mori told me

Slug

Oh

Isn't that amazing?! 

I get to drink french wine!

I get to see Paris!

Me

You're there on a mission, not as a tourist

Slug

That's very hypocritical coming from u

Also I do have free time

Me

Can we meet up before u leave?

Slug

I’m on the plane already

I'm just waiting for the ppl to tell me to put my phone in airplane mode

Me

Oh

Eh, save flight?

Slug

thx

Me

How long will you be away?

Slug

~2 months

Airplane mode

ttyl

Dazai put his phone away with a long sigh. Then he walked towards the couch, to look at Gramps’ Switch. He was playing animal crossing. 

"Did you tell him?" The old man asked. 

"Tell him what?"

"About your promotion." Dazai looked up from the Switch to fix his gaze on Hirotsu.

"How do you- Ah, of course, you have to be informed about this as an executive." Gramps nodded. "Mori was weird about not telling anyone before it’s official and I’m not exactly on good terms with him right now." 

"I think Chuuya should hear it from you first." Gramps was so fucking wise and smart. Would be weird if he wasn't with all his life experience.

"I can't just text him that. He’s so happy right now and I'm kinda bad at texting, at least Ango and Oda think so," the teen sulked. "Also, it's an important topic I want to tell him in person, but I'm pretty sure Mori won't let me travel to France for that."

"That is indeed very unlikely. What will you do instead?" 

"It's not like I can do anything, except to wait till it's official. So, what do we have to do today?" Dazai asked, despite his need to just leave and curl up under his blankets. “Our break is over soon.”

"I'll have to handle the gentlemen that think it's a good idea to sell drugs on our port," the old man saved his game and powered off the Switch. He stood up and stretched himself, a few bones cracked, and then he looked at Dazai. "And you will go home."

"Mori will punish me if-"

"I'll cover for you, kid. Go home and rest. You look miserable." He was right. Dazai had watery eyes and a big red bruise on his cheek and the older male seemed to know exactly who caused it. Hirotsu petted Dazai on the shoulder. Chuuya couldn't help but smile at the scene. The mafia might suck and Mori tormented Dazai, but at least there were a few people who protected the younger teen. Also, on a different note: Mori's plan was dumb as fuck. As if distance could tear them apart. The distance had not separated them back then and their current situation would not keep them apart any longer. Once Chuuya was out of this Ability, they would be closer than ever.

Chapter Text

Dazai did go home. Into his stupid container. Chuuya's younger self yelled at Dazai as soon as he found out that he spent the two months in that shit hole. And during Chuuya's next trip overseas he prepared meals for Dazai and all that shit. Not that it meant anything. The bastard was gone when he returned and Chuuya couldn't bring himself to eat all the prepared meals he put into the freezer.

The younger teen was lying on his bed. His only light source was the LED-strip around his bed frame which slowly morphed into different colors while the teen was staring at the ceiling. Dazai had tried to meet up with Oda and Glasses Guy. But both of them postponed their meeting because they had shit to do. Chuuya's pretty sure that at least one of them would've ditched whatever they had to do, if they knew how desperately Dazai needed his friends after this hell of a day. The younger teen didn't inform them though. After both of his friends declined, he wrote booooooring, switched his phone off, and cried into his pillow. And real Chuuya cried with him. Seeing Dazai burst out into tears was something he couldn't bear in general, usually, he kept himself together by calming the other down but he couldn't do that stuck as nothing more than a ghost-like being, haunting the other's memories.

So crying it was.

Until both of them couldn't anymore. Dazai turned on his phone again and started to send Chuuya all those memes. It was just a form of distraction for the teen. Real Chuuya moved onto the bed as well, laying next to Dazai, and looked at the phone screen where the teen selected the memes. He did that for quite a while and once he was done he placed his phone next to him and stared at the ceiling again, thinking about how he normally would be at Chuuya's right now watching movies until the older teen would fall asleep. A short vibration ripped him out of his thoughts. Dazai blinked a few times then he grabbed his phone with a small smile. He clicked on the notification he had gotten and was taken to Chuuya's chat.

Slug

I just landed and my phone is going crazy because you idiot decided to spam me with stupid memes!

The smile on Dazai's face turned into a grin as he read over the message and typed his reply.

Me

How mean!

I spend so much time selecting them and all you do is insult me!

You should stay overseas forever!

Slug

U have no fucking right to be upset about this

I was the one who suffered through receiving so many messages my phone almost blew up!

Seriously, why the fuck did you do that?

Me

I just had to use that short period of time where you were defenseless because of airplane mode

Slug

Short amount of time?!

The younger teen grinned, amusement in his eyes and real Chuuya just rolled his eyes at the message he sent.

Me

Just as short as you, yes

Slug

It was a 14 hour flight!

Fuck you, I'm not short

Me

Ah, yes yes

You're still growing, hm?

Slug

Stfu

Me

Never <3

Slug

Ugh

Wait a sec

Why the fuck r u even awake you piece of shit? Go to sleep!

It was a fair question. Real Chuuya glanced at the time on Dazai's phone. It's 2:43 am. That meant it was 6:43 pm for Chuuya. Through the time difference, Dazai was eight hours ahead of Chuuya's younger self.

Me

 Sleep is for the week

Slug

That typo ruined it

Just go to sleep

Me

But sleep is boooooooring

They both knew it was a lie. Dazai's nightmares might be many things but boring certainly isn't one of them. The teen probably refused to sleep tonight because his day was already bad enough. Dazai didn't had the urge to be faced with a fucked up nightmare recap today and who could blame him for that?

Slug

Then do something

Me

I am doing something

I'm annoying you

It's so tragic that I can't do that in person rn

Real Chuuya smiled. That last message was the only clue his younger self needed.

Slug

You're so stupid

Wait

Omg

Me

What?

Slug

Do you already miss me?

Is that what this is all about?

Dazai stared at the chat and his mind kicked into hypermode. Ahhhhhhh how did he figure it out? was the first thought and wasn't that just adorable? Dazai really thought he was sly and subtle when all his texts screamed 'I miss you' in bold letters with blinking lights around them. I have to type something! But what?! It's cute how Dazai panicked about something as trivial as this. I could… admit it? Oh. That's new. No! What if he is only joking and I make it weird because he doesn't miss me at all? There it was, that's what Chuuya had gotten used to while being stuck in this ability: Dazai being insecure as fuck. I have to deny it! and he started to type. His fingers flew over the keyboard in such haste that it's a wonder he didn't end up with typos.

Me

What?!

No!

Why would I?

Slug

Naaaaaw

Me

You reek like a dog!

So gross!

Slug

I'm not even a day gone

Me

I'm so glad you're faaaar away from me

Slug

And you miss me already

That's truly touching

And even though Chuuya's younger self was teasing Dazai, what he said was the truth. He was so fucking happy that Dazai missed him. After his eighteenth birthday, his younger self decided that he would confess to Dazai when he turned eighteen too because that would just make sense. Yeah, eh, it was just a way to postpone his confession because he was scared that Dazai didn't feel the same way. It was stupid. And Chuuya would back out any time he told himself he would finally tell Dazai his feelings.

And he got close so many times when he low-key flirted with Dazai. It's not as if he didn't try, he probably was just too low-key for Dazai. Oh, Chuuya wished the ability would skip all his flirting attempts but he doubts he would be that lucky.

Me

I don't miss you!

Slug

Who could blame you?

I'm amazing

Me

I. Don’t. Miss. You.

Slug

I would miss me too if I were u

Me

I

Don't

Miss

You

Slug

Sure, you repeating that like a broken record is very convincing

Dazai was so stressed right now. It seemed like he couldn't get himself out of this one. But then he had an idea: He just had to annoy Chuuya.

Me

I literally can't!

Slug

Huh?

Me

You're too small to be missed!

Slug

You asshole!

And it worked. Dazai's stupid joke about his height for the second time during their conversation was Chuuya's limit. He was jetlagged back then and he really couldn't deal with the younger teen any longer.

Me

:D

The app showed that Chuuya went offline and Dazai sighed in relief. He successfully averted the crisis. The brunet switched his phone off and drifted into sleep.

Chuuya sat in a little café. A huge cup of Coffee in front of him. He stared off into the distance, watching the people around him walk by. He yawned. It’s around 9 am for Chibi. It was weird for Dazai to see the teen be so tired in the morning. The redhead was a bundle of energy around this time, already prepping stuff or getting Dazai’s younger self to actually eat something for breakfast. But the Chuuya in front of him looked so out of it. The teen took a huge sip of his coffee. Another yawn left his mouth as he put the mug back on the little plate thingy. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, opened the chatting app, and clicked on Mackerel

Me

I’m still so fucking jetlagged

I hate it

Don’t even feel like drinking wine

Chuuya was about to switch his phone off again, not expecting an answer soon right when his phone vibrated in his hands.  A smile found its way on Chuuya’s face and it looked gorgeous.

Mackerel

GASP

Chuuya and not drinking wine?!

The older teen rolled his eyes and chuckled a bit. Dazai couldn't believe that Chuuya was like this while he was texting him of all people. He seemed so at ease, so happy about their stupid conversation. Dazai couldn't get enough of it.

Me

Yeah yeah shut it

Mackerel

That’s like a dog without its leash!

Me

I told you to shut it!

What’s that for a weird ass line?!

Mackerel

It’s as weird as Chuuya not drinking wine

Me

Whatever

Chuuya hesitated, fingers hovering over the keyboard, and then he typed how are you doing? then he scoffed and pushed the delete button silently watching the cursor erase everything. What did u do today, he typed instead, his finger hovering over the send button just to end up deleting what he wrote. It’s somewhat reassuring that Dazai wasn’t the only one who struggled to text the other teen. Chuuya ended up sending two messages.

Tell me what’s going on in Yokohama

Everything still fine?

And if Dazai had known back then that Chuuya only wanted to ask how his stupid day was, then he wouldn’t have joked as he did. He would’ve told Chuuya that it was so fucking boring. And yeah, he probably would’ve used a little dog joke (to hide his honest feelings behind it) but he would’ve admitted to missing the older teen. Probably. It’s easy to look back and think of all the things he would’ve done differently, but Dazai couldn't help but think he would’ve been too afraid of rejection to write anything like this.

Mackerel

Nope

City is suffering through an attack rn

Chuuya’s eyes widened and his fingers rushed over the keyboard.

Me

FUCK

And then Chuuya typed a message he never sent and Dazai was kinda sad he didn’t. Are you alright? is what Chuuya wrote and what he was just about to send if he didn’t receive Dazai’s message at that moment.

Mackerel

Everything is fine u idiot

Yokohama’s not suddenly burning just cuz you’re gone

The worried message was immediately deleted and replaced with an angry reply.

Me

I hate you so fucking much

Mackerel

Naaaaaw, glad the feeling is mutual <3

Dazai remembered how it hurt even though they always said they hated each other. Hell, they still did say it but he knew that twenty-two-year-old Chuuya was dead serious about it and Dazai deserved every insult the redhead threw his way. It’s his own fault that everything broke apart. He deserved this misery and yet he could not stand seeing that the other cared so much. It almost felt like he had a chance. His heart felt so heavy when he saw the messages Chuuya typed just to end up deleting them again: I actually don’t hate you. Erased, before it could be sent. I miss you, is that feeling mutual as well? Erased. It’s not even a week and I miss your stupid face. Erased.

“Of course I missed you. I still do, Chuuya, I never stopped,” real Dazai voiced even though he knew he wouldn’t be heard by the teen, who sent a text now. His younger self always found it suspicious how long Chuuya texted for that sentence.

Me

Why do I even bother to txt u?

Mackerel

Because I’m an absolute delight?

Me

Dream on

Mackerel

Gladly~

Chuuya put his phone on standby, another yawn stretching his face. He seemed so exhausted and Dazai could tell that it wasn’t just because of the jet lag he suffered through.

It’s 9:30 and Chuuya was never so glad that his younger self was overseas because Ace held a fucking meeting about stupid shit. Seriously, why did Mori even allow that piece of shit to waste their fucking time? All the members that are present look so done with their lives. Even Mori was on his fucking phone while pretending to listen. Dazai also pulled his phone out of his coat pocket to start to spam Chuuya.

Me

I’m so boooooored

Chuuuuuya

Cure my boredom

Entertain me like a good dog

Come on!

Don’t tell me you’re asleep rn

It’s what, 1 am for u?

Don’t be lame

Answer meeeeee

I’m stuck in a boring ass meeting

C

H

U

U

Y

A

Save meeeeeee

To be asleep is so egoistic of u

You need to be awake

You must suffer with me

Slug

SHUT THE FUCK UP

How am I supposed to adjust to the different timezone when ur ugly ass spams me awake?!

Honestly, it was his own fault for not turning his phone on silent but it was just a habit to keep it loud during the night in case Dazai needed him, in case he tried to kill himself just to realize that it would be too painful to die by whatever that stupid suicide book of him provided. So, being awoken to spam was annoying but better than the alternative.

Me

Chuuya!

Finally

You’re not supposed to adjust

I need u to suffer with me through boring meetings

Slug

I’m overseas?!

Me

Yes

I’m aware

But you never let me ditch either

Slug

I’m not ditching!

I’m on a mission!

Me

A mission to ditch-

Slug

…

Alright

I guess I won’t get sleep anyway so let’s get this over with

What’s the meeting about?

Me

Ace is holding the meeting

Slug

UGH

Is he talking about his stupid casino?

Me

Yup

Slug

Why is he always going off about it?

No one fucking asked

Me

Right?!

I swear no one is listening

I think Mori is playing Candy Crush

Slug

Omg fr?

Dazai looked up from his phone, carefully glancing towards the Boss, trying to catch the phone screen with his eyes. It took him a while, but eventually, he got to see the colorful game. Ace was going on and on about the profit he made. God, it was so fucking boring. Chuuya was actually so glad to have missed this meeting.

Me

Jup

Level 8427

Slug

Damn, that’s the best thing I heard today

I bet if u ask him about it he will deny it’s his account

Me

He’ll say it’s Elise’s account

Slug

He probably will lol

They texted each other during the whole meeting. It was nice and random and Chuuya fucking loved it. Through this whole overseas thing, they started to share useless shit with each other. Boring meetings, stupid shit random people did, a cute dog (or in Dazai’s case snake) they saw, or something else. It was so refreshing and nice that Dazai started to share what was going on at home. Chuuya didn’t need to try to prompt it out of the other teen for he started to spam him about any mild inconvenience that happened to him. It was amazing.

The bar was almost empty, except for Oda and Dazai. They were sitting right in front of the bar like they usually did, but something was different. The younger teen was on his phone, texting with Chuuya’s younger self. He was still talking with Oda from time to time but his main focus was his phone. And the teen looked adorable with the goofy smile on his lips staring at his phone and then happily typing a reply. It was always a blessing to see Dazai act like this: a crushing teen. It was such a hard contrast from their mafia life. And Chuuya guessed that Ane-san had the same opinion since Chuuya’s younger self was also on his phone a lot. Smiling at his phone, rolling his eyes with affection. It was so innocent.

Oda seemed to have mixed feelings about it. He was happy for the teen but also seemed annoyed that the teen was on his phone this much. The older male took out his phone and pointed the camera at Dazai. Oh, he took a picture. But why was he seeing this? The younger teen wasn’t reacting to it and he hated it when someone took pictures of him. Chuuya was intrigued and moved towards the older male to gaze at his phone. Ah, yeah it made sense that Dazai was aware this happened because Oda sent the picture into their ‘bagel boys’ chat. The older male accompanied the pic with And here we see a crushing teen in its natural habitat.

A few seconds ticked by, there was a notification noise coming from Dazai’s phone and then a loud whine: “Odasakuuuuu, that's so mean!"

“How about you talk to me now and text your love interest later?” Oda teased and Dazai sulked but did put his phone away. Chuuya couldn’t help but grin, his younger self at least tried to not be on his phone when others were around. Though he has to admit, Ane-san probably saw him text Dazai with a lovesick smile on his face a lot.

Dazai was standing right next to Chuuya who was hiding behind a tree. If this was how he behaved on missions overseas when his younger self wasn’t there to come up with a plan the mafia was doomed. What was Chibi doing? The teen pulled out his phone.

Me

Omfg

U won’t believe what just happened

Holy shit

Mackerel

Did someone compliment you?

Me

Ha ha ha so funny

Mackerel

So glad u agree

Now tell me what happened

Me

Some dude hit on big sis

Ah, Dazai remembered their conversation. Now it made a lot more sense for Chuuya to be hiding behind a tree. Though, it might not be the best hideout place.

Mackerel

Oh damn, he dead?

Me

Almost I guess

Big sis wanted to fucking break his neck but then there was this cute woman swooping in?

She was getting rid of the dude and then immediately asked if sis was alright?

So adorable

I think sis was really taken aback by that and they r going out now?

Mackerel

WHAT

Dazai looked around trying to find Kouyou and the woman in the crowd around them. Ah, right. Chuuya’s hideout was across from the café where the elegant woman was taking her date out to. They were sitting at a table. Kouyou said something and the other woman laughed.

Me

Did u know that she was into girls?

Mackerel

Not a single clue

You?

Me

Nope

Mackerel

Oh god I wish I could tell Ace that he was so disgusting that Kouyou turned into a lesbian but that would be disrespectful towards her

Me

True, but that’d be hilarious af

Now Chuuya switched from the chat app to the camera. He zoomed onto the two women and took a picture, sending it into the chat.

She looks so happy!

Mackerel

Of course she does her date is a 10

Me

True, they r so cute together omg

Btw

Why r u even awake?

It’s like 1 am for u

Mackerel

We’re talking about 10’s and you think of me, that’s so nice of u <3

Me

Stfu, I was thinking about time not ur ugly face

Mackerel

suuuuure

Btw

The pic u sent

Me

What about it?

Mackerel

I’m pretty sure Kouyou knows you’re spying

I’d run if I were u

Me

Huh?

Chuuya scrolled up to look at the photo again and Dazai grinned. He saw what his younger self meant immediately. Kouyou wasn’t looking at her date, she was looking a bit past her at Chuuya’s blurry reflection in the glass of a window. Chuuya focused his full attention on the picture and finally noticed it but it was a little too late. The redhead froze as he felt the presence of Golden Demon behind him. He turned around just in time to see the demon slam down the Saya of her Katana onto his head. Out of shock, the teen didn’t even lessen the dull hit with his gravity manipulation. He just let it happen and Dazai laughed as he saw the puzzled expression on the teen.

Real Chuuya was sitting right next to Dazai. The teen was currently sitting at his desk actually working through the stack of paperwork that was in front of him. Well, working might not be the right term for the method the brunet used. He wrote or read for like five minutes and then he was on his phone for like twenty minutes, playing some logic puzzle game and then he started to work for like five minutes and so on. So when he was writing something down and his phone vibrated it wasn’t surprising that he immediately lost interest in his task and looked at his phone.

Slug

Ugh, here r some stupid ppl thinking they’re sly af

There was a happy gleam in the brown eye of the teenager as he realized that Chuuya sent him a message. He checked his phone. Eh, he’s eight hours behind so it’s…1 am for him. What is he doing? Chuuya’s younger self just set a second clock for his phone so he didn’t have to do the stupid math in his head all the time. And honestly, Dazai’s sleep rhythm was non-existent anyway and he couldn’t regulate it while being overseas.

Me

Oh? Are ur dog senses tingling?

Slug

Stfu

We’re not two weeks here and ppl r stalking sis and me

I think I have to take care of em

Dazai pulled his brows together. Why are people following him around in the middle of the night? They must know that he and Kouyou are from the mafia…that’s dangerous. Naw, wasn't it just so cute how much the teen worried in secret?

Me

Don’t storm in without a plan

Slug

I have a plan

It’s to kill em all

A loud sigh left Dazai’s mouth. Stupid dog! he furiously typed his response. The younger teen hated that he wasn’t around Chuuya to come up with a strategy.

Me

That’s not a plan

That’s called being reckless

Chuuya's younger self went offline.

Don’t go offline!

Bad dog!

Think about a real plan first!

No answer. Minutes passed by and nothing happened, so the younger teen tried to distract his worried mind by playing his game. He even focused on his paperwork for more than five minutes to ignore the growing feeling of concern. After almost two hours the phone vibrated shortly. 

Slug

It’s a real plan when it works

Me

You’re hopeless

Dazai was sitting next to Hirotsu on the couch in his office. Both of them had their Switches in their hands and were playing Minecraft. Dazai was explaining the different mobs to the older male while exploring a cave together.

“What’s the big guy with the violet eyes called?”

“Oh, it’s an Enderman, he does nothing if you don’t-” a deep screech interrupted Dazai, causing the teen to sigh, “-look him in the eyes.”

“What’s that noise? Ah! He teleported!” Hirotsu had his avatar frantically swing his sword around, hoping to finish off his opponent before he himself was killed. However, he seemed to quickly realize that he didn't really stand a chance against the mob because he was screaming for Dazai to help him. The teen moved his avatar towards the fight and successfully trapped the Enderman in a boat before he just killed him. After the mob was dead, Dazai told Hirotsu to take the boat with him.

“A boat is a safe way to defeat them. You could also just build a 3 by 3 platform directly over your head and kill him from there,” he started to list different strategies to kill them, while they made their way farther down the cave. A sigh left Dazai’s mouth: “If you’re a brute like Chuuya you’ll just face them head on.”

“Chuuya’s good in the game?”

“He’s reckless,” Dazai corrected with a scoff so he wouldn’t have to admit that Chuuya just had fucking skill. He wasn't reckless; he just knew how to fight against stupid mobs without complicated potions or enchantments like Dazai did. All he needed was a shield. “He’s just jumping in headfirst without thinking about strategies.”

“But?” Hirotsu prompted, sensing that the teen held something back. Dazai was quiet for a while. When he finally decided to speak his thoughts his voice was barely audible as if it would hurt him to say it out loud, but the small smile on his face proved that it was just a way to keep his ‘I hate him’ act up. Chuuya wondered if only he noticed the little shifts in Dazai’s mannerisms. There was no doubt in Chuuya’s mind that Kouyou and Hirotsu knew that the younger teen was in love with him. That was pretty obvious by now. Kouyou knew the risks Dazai took for the sake of his younger self and Hirotsu did so too. But…that was a big gesture, right? Those weren’t the barely noticeable shifts in their dynamic. Those differences only they could notice…right? Was it stupid that Chuuya wished to be the only one who noticed the way Dazai bit back a smile or a laugh or changed his voice to be just a nuance softer? The younger teen always noticed when his younger self was in a bad mood or something and he could tell by his mannerism. He knew that before Chuuya could even bark an insult at him. Could other people read him just as easily as Dazai? Could other people read the demon prodigy as easily as he could? God, Chuuya desperately wanted to be the only one who was able to do so.

“Going mining in a cave is easier when he’s there. He just tears through everything, all he needs is a shield, it’s impressive,” the sentence lingered in the air around them only accompanied by the game sounds. A pause, then: “But don’t tell him, his ego is already big enough for such a tiny body!” Dazai added rushed, voice breaking the timid atmosphere the previous words left behind.

It was interesting to see where Dazai was when he sent a text. Chuuya witnessed it mostly at his shitty container, but he also texted a lot during work or meetings. Chuuya couldn't help but be wary of it. His younger self at least tried to keep it on the low, so he wouldn't get in trouble for texting during a meeting. Dazai seemed less worried about it. Chuuya couldn't really blame him, the topic of the meeting was stupid.

Ace was the one presenting some 'important' numbers in one of the meeting rooms of the Portmafia and real Chuuya couldn't help but roll his eyes at the stupid asshole. What wouldn't Chuuya have given to be the one to kill the man? Stupid Fyodor had to take that away from him. But at least Ace was dead and couldn't hurt anyone anymore.

Chuuya let his gaze wander around. All of the mafia members seemed bored out of their minds. Mori was half heartedly listening and gazing at Elise from time to time who was playing some dress-up game on his phone. The Boss probably already regretted handing his phone to his ability.

Then his gaze wandered to Hirotsu who was sitting across from Dazai and who was watching the teen with a fond and yet concerned expression. Real Chuuya moved towards the brunet and glanced at his phone. Dazai was on his phone texting Chuuya's younger version with a big goofy smile on his face and typed replies in seconds. It was so adorable to see Dazai text him like a crushing teen because that's what they were back then. They just weren't in the right place to act like that.

"Aren't you supposed to listen, demon prodigy?" Ace suddenly spoke up and all eyes went towards Dazai, who didn't even look up from his phone and continued to send a message.

"I am listening, as of now you explained the prizes for the gems," Dazai stated, his voice sounded bored but then there was suddenly an amused undertone in his words: "With everything you explained we should have gained more profit than you told us. I wonder where the rest of the money disappeared too." All eyes turned towards Ace, who got defensive over the accusation. Just two people didn't pay Ace any attention: Dazai was still looking down at his phone and Mori was watching the younger teen. Chuuya decided that that couldn't be good. He was wondering if Dazai noticed the older's stare or if his genius mind just concluded that this must have happened. Neither option was ideal, but the first one at least didn't imply that something memorable happened.

Chuuya looked towards Ace who was dealing with all sorts of arguments from the other members of the meeting. He seemed to be in a tough spot. That served that asshole right. Ace however didn't seem to share his sentiment because he was trying to kill Dazai with his gaze. It didn't have the desired effect, but through that, Ace became aware of Mori's stare at the younger's phone. A grin spread over his face and Chuuya wanted to punch it right off. Whatever Ace had in mind couldn't be good and, if Chuuya connected all the clues correctly, was probably connected to the other's texting habits.

"Say Dazai," Ace started, ignoring all the angry people who stared at him and tried to get answers about the missing money, "I've seen you on your phone during most meetings. Who are you texting?" That asshole! Dazai wasn't even on his phone when Mori was holding them! He listened to most meetings without being on his phone! And yes okay, maybe he shouldn't be on his phone at all, but Ace shouldn't even be able to hold meetings when all he spits is boring and false information!

"That's none of your business!" The teenager hissed in Ace's direction, whose smile grew even wider. Try to let your emotions stay at bay, dear is the advice that echoes in Dazai's head. Mhm, Ane-san is right with her words: It was better if nobody knew what's important to you. Especially in the mafia, it was desirable to at least look like you don't care. For the most part, Dazai managed to do that, after all, he was always smiling when he faced the enemy and always looked like he had everything under control. Dazai always seemed as if he was above it all as if nothing would really affect him. Chuuya always knew that it was all just a façade, but he never realized how insecure and vulnerable the younger man really was until this memory ability showed him everything and right now Dazai was pissed and a bit cornered.

"Watch your tone, brat!" Ace spit back and how dare that asshole speak to Dazai that way, if Chuuya would've been there he would've-

"You're talking big for someone who has the audacity to present us with false data," Hirotsu's voice was stern. Gramps really was a divine blessing. Chuuya was so glad that Dazai had at least one ally in this hellhole of a meeting. "I would advise you to tone it down."

"Who are you to speak to me that way, I'm-" Ace couldn't get any further with his undoubtedly offensive remark because he got interrupted by the cutting voice of the Boss.

"That's enough, this meeting is over." All attendees stood up to leave the room, but they all froze in their movement as Mori raised his voice again. "Ace and Dazai, you stay here for a bit." Relief came into the eyes of those present, everyone was afraid they might've been approached. Meanwhile, Ace and Dazai tried to suppress their fear. The only person who looked worried was Hirotsu. The older one looked at the young one, stood still for a while, but then walked out of the hall with a heavy heart and closed the heavy door behind him.

"I can explain the miscalculations! It's really not-" Mori stopped Ace's defensive behavior by simply lifting his hand.

"Quiet." The boss said. "I will get to you and your mistakes in a second." And Ace just nodded in fear, realizing that this misstep was going to get him in big trouble. But Chuuya couldn't be happy about Ace's misery because the boss was facing Dazai now. "Give me your phone." Mori held his hand out so the teen would place his phone there. Dazai's expression soured and he shook his head.

"No," he refused, "it's my phone." Right as the teen ended the sentence, the back of Mori's hand collided with his face. Ace stared at the scene in front of him. The asshole seemed to be pleased by the turn of events.

"It wasn't a question." Mori clarified while Dazai tried to not let his tears leave his eyes. I can't lose my phone, that's my only connection to Chuuya right now and similar thoughts swirled around Dazai's mind. Real Chuuya wished he could comfort the angsty teen but he could just watch how the Boss held out his hand again. "Do I need to repeat myself?" Dazai shook his head not trusting his own voice. If he would've been alone with the boss the teen would probably have fought back more, so Chuuya was kind of relieved that they weren't alone. Otherwise, the teen would've rebelled and ended up with more bruises. Dazai slowly got his phone out of his pocket and placed it in Mori's hand. "You're dismissed," the boss informed Dazai while he slid the younger's phone into his coat pocket. The teen immediately fled the situation.

Real Chuuya couldn't believe that Mori had confiscated Dazai's cell phone. It seemed so arbitrary as if Mori was playing parent and punished him for something trivial. It was supposed to be too stupid to act as a punishment for Dazai. But sadly, the cell phone was currently the only means of communication Dazai and Chuuya's younger self had during the overseas mission. Dazai also communicated with his two other friends via that very cell phone, which was now rotting in Mori's coat pocket. So it was a weirdly harsh and effective punishment.

However, it seemed to be of foreseeable duration, as the emotionally troubled teenager entered the nearest technology store armed with his bank card. He grabbed the best model of some cell phone manufacturer he couldn't care less about and moved towards the cash register. Mhm, so that's why Dazai had a different number all of a sudden because he had to get a new phone. This was surprisingly easy. Chuuya wouldn't have guessed that Mori could be tricked this easily, but well, it was Dazai he was talking about. Said teen was grabbing his new phone to leave the shop. Now I need a new SIM card he thought as he walked outside but then he stopped in his tracks. His bleak expression turned into a horrified one as his eyes met the person standing in front of him now. Fucking hell, it was none other than Mori with Elise drawing on the ground with chalk. Mori had an amused smile on his face while his eyes looked at Dazai in a somewhat bored manner.

"You know, I didn't take away your phone so you'd buy a new one," the older male said and his voice was so disgustingly condescending that Chuuya just wanted to punch him. "You're so predictable, it's almost sad."

"Your stupid existence is sad!" Chuuya retorted, not that anyone could actually hear him -which was for the best since the insult was kinda lame- but he just couldn't stand here right next to Dazai and watch him be talked down to like that.

"Of course it's predictable," the younger teen responded. His body language was calm and he seemed rather bored by this encounter but his mind was going into overdrive. He was pissed that Mori was here, he was pissed at himself that he was so stupid to go into the first store he saw, he was pissed because he didn't see this coming and he was devastated that he wouldn't get to text Chuuya anytime soon. "I have a job to do, don't I? How would I be able to do that without a phone?" It amazed Chuuya that the teen could come up with such a plausible explanation despite his inner chaos.

"We both know your dedication to your job is not why we're having this conversation right now," Mori chuckled, closing his eyes for a bit. "But don't worry," he stated, opening his eyes, "I told Hirotsu to buy you a new phone for your job-related duties. So, why don't you go back to your office and just wait there, hm?" The older man spoke in a disgustingly friendly tone of voice, but his eyes were so cold as he spoke, making it clear that what he said wasn't a kind suggestion but an order.

Dazai realized that too because he handed Mori the phone and reluctantly mumbled a quiet "yes" before he walked back to his office. Chuuya couldn't believe he ever looked up to Mori. He felt horrible. He didn't know about all the abuse the teen went through because of that asshole. And yeah sure, the phone seemed small compared to everything else Mori put Dazai through, but in this moment it was the thing that hurt Dazai the most and the older man knew that and used it against him.

"What's wrong, lad?" Ane-san asked Chibi. They were sitting in their hotel room, drinking tea and eating cake but Chuuya was just staring at his cake while his tea got cold. His eyes always wandered to his phone that lay on the table and then to the clock that hung on the wall.

"It's nothing." Ane-san just lifted an eyebrow to show that she didn't believe him at all and wanted him to spit out the truth. That caused the tiny teen to let out a troubled sigh. "It's just that- Dazai hasn't answered me for hours now..." An amused smile found its way onto the lips of the elegant woman.

"Oh? I thought you hated each other?" She questioned, clearly amused by the situation. Chuuya rolled his eyes at her.

"Don't be so smug about it, you are well aware that we're friends."

"Of course I know, I just like to make you say it," she replied, not bothering to hide her smirk. Dazai loved hearing Chuuya say it too. This ability was the last chance he got at hearing it anyways. After all, there are three options for how things could turn out once they're both out of the other's memories:

1. Chuuya would kill him (and that was the best outcome)
2. It would be extremely awkward and they couldn't handle being around each other

Or the worst option:

3. Chuuya wanted to talk about this mess

There's nothing to talk about after all. Talking would get them fucking nowhere because at the end of the day, Chuuya didn't love him and no amount of talking would change that and that was alright. That was okay. He didn't deserve Chuuya anyway, especially not after everything he did. He should finally move on and get over his crush. It was so pathetic that he was still this hung up after all those years.

Real Chuuya sat on the couch in Dazai's office and helplessly watched how the teen walked back and forth, while quietly talking to himself.

"This is fine," he muttered, ruffling his hair in contradiction to his words. "Chuuya will just think I'm ignoring him on purpose and then he'll hate me. Everything is fine. We'll sort it out somehow like we sorted everything out so far." Dazai stopped in his tracks, letting go of his hair and looking at the ground. "But what am I going to tell him?"

And that last sentence kickstarted an imagined scenario in which Chuuya was back after a few more weeks. Oh, hey it's good to have you back and imaginary Chuuya asked why Dazai didn't text back. Why I didn't answer you? Mori took my mobile phone because he knows that's what's bothering me the most. Now imaginary Chuuya was questioning why that would bother Dazai. Why? Well, because I'm hopelessly in love with you. Imagined Chuuya rejected the younger teen now. Damn. Dazai really deemed it impossible that Chuuya felt the same, huh? Hopefully, Chuuya's feelings would get through Dazai's thick skull within this ability.

"Dazai?" Both Chuuya and Dazai jumped upon hearing the new voice and they both stared at the source. It's Hirotsu.

"Yeah?" The teen replied, trying to keep his voice calm and his body language relaxed. It worked, but there was no way that Hirotsu hadn't witnessed the nervous pacing from a minute ago. Dazai didn't hear the other come into his office. Who knows how long Hirotsu was already in this room before deciding to speak up.

"Are you okay?" Hirotsu looked at Dazai with a worried expression, so Dazai decided to stop him from worrying and smiled big (and fake).

"Of course I am! Why shouldn't I?"

"Because I called your name three times and you didn't react at all," Gramps's voice was so warm that Dazai's smile immediately dropped. There was no need to pretend when he was already figured out.

"I don't have my phone anymore. It sucks. Chuuya will assume I deliberately ignored him and then he will be angry at me," he explained his struggles to the older male.

"Mhm, I'm aware that Mori took your phone," Hirotsu pulled something out of his coat. "That's why I'm here," and he handed Dazai an old flip phone.

"That's my new phone?" He flipped it open and selected the messenger app. "160 digits per message. This is a joke, right?"

"I'm afraid not," Hirotsu said, extremely unhappy with the situation. "You have a limit per month and when you go over that Mori gets notified and can read the SMS that went over the limit."

"You're right, this isn't a joke. Jokes are funny and this is cruel just like my nightmares," Dazai replied while he closed the phone with more force than he had to, and then he collapsed on his couch. "Just kill me now. Death is better than this misery." Always so melodramatic. But this time Chuuya could understand it. His younger self would react in a similar way when someone would've taken his phone.

"Mhm, I might have a better solution than death." Hirotsu stepped closer to the sad lump on the couch and then pulled something out of his coat pocket to place it into Dazai's hand. Oh, that was Hirotsu's old phone. "It's not the newest model, but it is fast and you can text with Chuuya." Dazai's hand closed around the phone and he slowly sat up again. He stared at the phone, then at Hirotsu. "You have a new number now, it's unlimited and-" Gramps was interrupted by Dazai who got up and threw himself at the older male. Hirotsu smiled and placed his arms around the teen to reciprocate the hug.

"Thank you," Dazai mumbled into the other's coat.

"Anytime, a teen needs a phone," he ruffled Dazai's hair a bit and the teen stepped away. Naw, was Dazai embarrassed because of the hug? His ears were red and he didn't look at Gramps. Adorable. "You just have to promise me to not use it during meetings anymore, deal?"

"Deal!" Dazai immediately replied and Hirotsu told him the new password. The teen unlocked his new phone and opened the contacts to create a profile for Chuuya. The name of the contact was Slug of course. "Eh, what should I tell Chuuya?"

"The truth?"

"No, he would do something stupid then," Dazai was lost in his thoughts for a bit, trying to come up with a good explanation for the new phones. "I will tell him that my phone broke during a mission and that's how I explain the flip phone. It will be my work phone that I don't care about."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Yeah, all thanks to you, Hirotsu," Dazai smiled at the older man and it was a beautiful sight. "Wanna play something on my switch?" Hirotsu smiled and agreed. Real Chuuya watched them play Mario Party.

Chibi was waiting for his train at a metro station and unlocked his phone to pass the time a bit. He opened his Chat with Dazai's younger self.

Me

We're going ice skating

Ugh. Right. Chuuya had that stupid idea from France. Stupid ice-skating. Dazai could still feel all the bruises he had gotten from that torture on ice. 

Mackerel

What

Me

I just went ice skating

It's great

Yeah, sure it is for someone who can manipulate fucking gravity. But for every other person, it's walking on thin ice. It's stupid and so, so painful.

Mackerel

Okay?

That's nice for you?

Me

I already looked it up, we have an ice skating place in Yokohama

We're going as soon as I'm back

Mackerel

Eh

No?

Sadly his younger self had not a single chance against Chuuya and his stupid thick skull.

Me

You're right, it's gonna be so much fun

Mackerel

Hello?

Don't just gloss over my objection!

I don't want to go ice skating

It's cold

Me

Yeah, that's why it's cool

Mackerel

I’m not gonna dignify that with a response

You're the one always screaming at me for underestimating the cold

And just for the record: Dazai did get a stupid cold from going ice-skating. But it wasn't so bad because Chuuya let him sleep in his huge bed and made him delicious soup. And all that just because he had a slight fever.

Me

Well, yeah ur immune system is shit

But that doesn't mean you can't go ice skating with me

U just have to wear like winter stuff, yk?

Mackerel

But I don't have winter stuff

Me

That's the problem!

How many times did I tell you to get warmer clothes?

Mackerel

Too many times

Lost track

Me

Alright, we r gonna go shopping when I'm back loser

And then we talk about ice skating again

Mackerel

You really set ur mind on that, hm?

Me

It's gonna happen and there's nothing you can do about it

And it really happened, much to Dazai's misery. It was the worst and painful and stupid. But seeing Chuuya beam at him and take his hand to help him on the ice was worth the bruises he had gotten. He still wouldn't want to repeat the experience. He could just watch Chuuya from the sideline because watching the older skate was so amazing. Dazai really hoped he would get to see it again through this ability.

Chuuya was witnessing one of Dazai's nightmares. His nightmare-self died and Dazai was woken up by his own tears again. He stared at the ceiling of his stupid container and tried to calm down but it didn't work so his scared mind called Chuuya just to hang up as soon as he realized what he had done. We don't call each other and he wanted to place his phone on the bed again but then it lit up.

Slug

You called?

Did something happen?

Me

Was by accident

It's almost cute that Dazai thought he would believe him. If Dazai really had accidentally tapped on the call symbol he would've made a dumb joke or complain about being bored, maybe even prank him a bit. He would never just say it was an accident.

All people looked annoyed in Chuuya's direction because his phone started to ring in the middle of a meeting. Chuuya apologized as he pulled out his phone. The sound stopped and everyone thought he declined the call, but he didn't. Chuuya immediately went to their chat to ask if everything was okay and his younger self lied and told him it was by accident. Pretty believable, stuff like that happened all the time after all. Dazai still didn't know how Chuuya knew he lied back then.

Me

Are you sure?

Mackerel

Yes, Chibi, everything is alright

"Chuuya," Ane-san whispered his name in a stern voice and he put his phone away. Chuuya's gaze moved towards the clock in the room and seemingly decided that the meeting was too long to wait through it.

"Excuse me, but I need to leave for a bit. The call was important. May I go?" He asked and although the people attending the meeting didn't seem happy about it they let him leave. Ane-san gave him a death-glare though but Chibi ignored it as he left the room to go to the next bathroom. He made sure it was empty and then he used his gravity manipulation to block the main door off. He pulled out his phone.

Me

I don't believe you

Mackerel

Not my problem

Don't you have some fancy meeting right now?

How about you annoy them and let me sleep

Chuuya stared at the screen and pulled his eyebrows together. Mhm, did his younger self push Chuuya away too harshly with these texts? Is that why Chuuya knew something was up? However Chuuya got suspicious about Dazai's lies, he decided to push the call symbol. Dazai didn't pick up. They didn't call. They only did that for missions and that was also rather rare.

Me

Pick up

I know you're still awake

Pick the fuck up

Mackerel

I want to sleep and not hear your squeaky voice, you dog toy

Me

You're dead to me if you don't pick up this instant

"There, happy? I picked up and now-" Dazai was grumpy at the moment and he tried to get his younger self to hang up so he wouldn't realize that Dazai felt like shit. Well, Chuuya didn't need more than that little sentence to know what was up. Dazai's tone of voice sounded off. He heard him speak that way before and he didn't like it.

"Did you cry?" Chuuya's younger self asked through the phone and Dazai cursed himself out in his mind that Chuuya saw through him that fast.

"Don't be ridiculous," was his answer because Dazai always denied the truth. It was his go-to coping mechanism. "Why should I cry?" There was some sound coming through the phone as Chuuya's younger self moved his phone from his ear to look at his phone display to see both clocks. One telling him his time, the other telling him Dazai's time.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Silence was his answer. "You did, hm? What happened?"

"Don't wanna talk about it." Yeah, after seeing the nightmare himself Chuuya completely understood that he didn't want to talk about it.

"You sure? It could help."

"Don't wanna relive that."

"Mhm, want me to distract you a bit?"

"Don't you have a meeting, right now?"

"It ended a few minutes ago and it was so annoying like all the people are so..." Chuuya's younger self started to recount everything. He complained about work, he talked about all the cute dogs he saw and petted and he talked about the delicious wines he got to drink and about stupid missions. Real Chuuya watched the younger teen, who put the phone next to his head on the pillow. He listened to the voice of Chuuya's younger self with a gentle smile on his face. In the beginning, Dazai interrupted the other to make a dumb joke or something but after a while, he got more quiet and his eyes got heavier. He fought to keep his eyes open but lost the battle in the end. It was so cute that Dazai tried to stay awake just so he could listen to Chuuya's voice.

"...and then I might have shoved him a bit, down the stairs, by accident. Served him right for being mean to the poor waitress...Got nothing to say about it?" Chibi made a pause. "Dazai? Are you asleep?" No reply."Good night, idiot," and despite the insult Chuuya's quiet voice was so warm, and Dazai just melted a bit. Chuuya ended the call, typed a hope you sleep well and then put his phone away. He stepped out of the toilet and Ane-san was already glaring at him. "How did you-"

"How I found you?" She asked, clearly pissed. "This was the only bathroom stall with Tainted blocking it."

"Oh, eh, sorry?"

"You should be sorry. What was that about? You can't just leave during an important meeting. We will talk about this when we're back in our hotel room." Ane-san walked away and Chuuya followed her like a little puppy.

Me

You know what's weird?

Slug

Your sleep schedule?

Me

Ha, funny.

But no, zombie movies are weird

Slug

Is this still about 28 days later?

Cuz that isn't surprising, u basically complained every second

Me

THEY LITERALLY FREED INFECTED MONKEYS

Slug

Can't wait to watch 28 weeks later with u

Me

There's more??!

Slug

Yeah, more dumb decisions ur going to hate it and that's sth I'm going to love

Me

Slug is so mean to me for no reason at all

"He didn't tell me," Chuuya said while he stared at his screen, scrolling through every conversation they had this month. And they texted a lot.

"Didn't tell you what?" Ane-san asked and handed Chuuya her bag so he could let it float down the stairs.

"He was promoted to an executive and he didn't say anything. He didn't even brag or make a joke about working me to the bone, that's so weird," Chuuya explained while he jogged down the stairs both their bags floating behind him.

"Mhm, maybe you should just ask him?" Ane-san suggested. "You will see him in like 24 hours."

"Yeah, thanks again that we could take the early flight, this way I'm-"

"You will be back in time for his birthday, I know, you told me a billion times already." Chuuya blushed and it was so adorable. It was so unfair that Chibi blushed so cutely when he wasn't even around to witness it! But it was so endearing that Chuuya asked Ane-san to take the early flight just so he could celebrate his birthday. Chuuya was just the kindest soul out there, even though his plan didn't work out in the end.

Chapter Text

Slug

The stupid flight is canceled

I probably won't make it in time

Me

That's alright

He texted that, but it wasn’t ‘alright’. Dazai had been walking aimlessly around town, and ever since he received that message he was standing still, just staring at his phone display. A constant stream of He doesn’t want to spend my birthday with me flooded Dazai’s mind. The display was darkening, ready to go on standby just as a new message lit up the screen again.

Slug

No, it's not

Don't lie to me

“But I’m pathetic when I don’t lie,” the teen whispered and closed his eyes for a while. When he opened them again, the cellphone display was off. He unlocked it and stared at the last message. He typed on the small keyboard and deleted it immediately. Suddenly Chuuya could hear Oda’s voice echo inside Dazai’s head about being as honest to Chuuya as he could. “Right, it’s Chuuya.” And his voice was so soft despite all the fears that still lingered inside him. Chuuya wished he could just erase all the unfounded fears the brunet had. Not being there on his birthday was the worst scenario for Chuuya (he did everything he could to prevent it from happening and succeeded) so Dazai thinking that he was making excuses to not spend time with him was offending in a way. When they were out of this shitty ability, he had to engrave it into Dazai’s insecure stubborn brain that he wants to spend time with him. Though, this ability probably showed him that already, but oh well, reassuring him won’t hurt.

Me

Okay, it sucks

Slug

Was that so hard to admit?

Promise me to not just sulk in ur stupid container

You have to celebrate ur bday

Me

You're stupid

And fiiiiiiine I'll celebrate my bday

Slug

Mhm, I want a proof pic

Me

Ugh

So demanding

And with that, Dazai turned his phone on standby and slid it into his coat pocket to pull out his flip phone instead. He received a message from some unsaved number telling Dazai that everything went well through a bunch of codes. The teen sent a short-coded phrase back and then closed the phone with a sigh, before putting it back into his pocket. Now he started to walk again, but it didn’t seem so aimless anymore. They walked through a few streets until Dazai stepped into a small shop. But the kind of shop made Chuuya stop. Did he hallucinate or did the demon prodigy go into a little flower shop? Chuuya followed him inside.

"Oh, good to see you!" A young man greeted him while he put a heavy-looking package on the floor. "What can I get for you today?" Today? Did Dazai visit this shop regularly?

"Good to see you too," Dazai smiled at the older male who stepped behind the cash register. "I need a big bouquet of pink carnations and white chrysanthemums."

"Ah, as specific as always, that's why you're my favorite customer!" And with those words, the flower man got to work while Chuuya had a meltdown. Who did Dazai regularly buy flowers for so much that he was the man's favorite customer?

"There's no better language than that of flowers, is there?" Dazai said with a smile and the man nodded cheerfully, concentrating on his task to make a beautiful bouquet. Oh no, wait. Did Mori force a stupid mission on Dazai? Did the teen have to seduce someone again? That's the only explanation as to why Dazai would buy flowers on the regular. Chuuya felt nauseous and hoped that whatever girl would receive the thoughtfully put-together bouquet was allergic to the pretty flowers and just died so Dazai wouldn't have to seduce her. He knew that it was not really the fault of the random girl and that he shouldn't wish her anything bad but he couldn’t help himself. Not his first time being jealous about some girl Dazai had to talk to. Especially those girls that worked for Ane-san. He hated them so much and through this ability Dazai would know that, which meant he’d tease him forever about it, probably sticking to the dog metaphor.