Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The scene opens, as always, with a shot of the old house. (The camera crew was incredibly torn before this all started, but ultimately they got the executive order to come back after a year, just like always. They stand outside it now, collectively anxious to start again.

Greg is the one to step up and tentatively open the door.)

It looks… the same. Very much the same, actually. Not just from last time, though– it's been completely repaired. Like stepping through a time portal, viewing the world over a year ago. Like entering for the very first time. Sentimental music plays over the shot. Funnily enough, though, there’s already music playing; a distant tune that sounds like piano.

The music scratches to a halt when Adult Colin Robinson comes in through a side door. His eyebrows raise and his eyes widen. “Oh, fuck, you're still here?” He laughs. “Shit, okay. Don’t really know why you bothered, but who am I to judge, right?”

(The text on the screen below his surprised face reads: ‘Adult Colin Robinson, Energy Vampire’.)

Surprisingly, he doesn't stop to drain them just yet. He waves over the whole crew, but they're all famliar enough with the layout of the house by now to follow him without a problem.

(No one new wanted to join the production crew for this documentary. The team doesn’t bother to wonder why.)

“Well, fellas, welcome back. You've all got me to thank for the repairs, of course. It's much nicer in here without the constant threat of falling into the basement, am I right?” Colin laughs. 

Greg halts to a stop as a wraith floats by the camera.

The lens follows it until it disappears, then is put back on Colin. “Right, well. They needed something to do, right? And with…” Colin looks around like he expects something to jump out at him. “...with you-know-who gone, we had stuff to be done. Come on.”

As they move, Colin whistles along to the piano, and its faint sound becomes clearer. He and the crew turn one more corner, and Laszlo is seen solemnly playing a familiar tune.

(Text next to the piano reads: ‘Laszlo Cravensworth, Vampire’.)

“He's been playing this almost nonstop,” Colin stage whispers. He turns back around. “Hey, Laszlo, guess what?”

Laszlo jumps a foot in the air, and has to will himself back down on the bench. “Yes, Colin, what is– oh.” He looks, puzzled, at the camera crew. (Shari hesitantly waves hello.) “Bloody hell, you're back?”

“Looks like it. Do you guys want to start those interview things now or do you want to look for Nadja?”

Laszlo sighs. “She's probably off at work. My lovely lady wife, the breadwinner of the family.” He smiles to himself. “Just like I always dreamed.”

“You're pretty much the wife now, if we're really adhering to the gender roles and not the gender itself,” Colin says.

Laszlo laughs. “I may as well be. Staying home, making sure things are clean, looking after the k–” he looks over at Colin, and his smile fades a little. “...the, er. The. House.”

Colin and Laszlo look at each other for a moment before looking away. The room is filled with palpable awkwardness.

Just then, Nadja walks through the door with the Guide. They're both laughing about something, but they stop short once they notice the cameras.

“Oh, documentary crew!” Nadja calls, throwing up her arms, much more cheery than the last time we saw her. “You are back for us!”

The Guide smiles and waves hello. “Greetings, camera people.”

(Text reads: ‘Nadja of Antipaxos, Vampire’, and ‘The Guide’.)

“Hello, darling,” Laszlo says, standing up. “How was the club tonight?”

Nadja’s smile becomes a little strained. “It was great! Very great. So great.”

Laszlo doesn't catch the change in Nadja’s expression and distractedly nods. “That's wonderful, darling. I think I’ll head up to our room early.” 

He stalks off and Nadja lets out a breath.

“Are you going to remind him that your club blew up and you lost all the money you embezzled?” Colin asks.

“No, you stupid shit, of course I won't!” Nadja crosses her arms, scowling again in the way she normally does. “Why would I want to tell him that? He is sad enough as it is.”

“I know that,” Colin responds. “Ever since…” he looks around again. “... you-know-who left again, the house is like a big, concentrated pit of sad.”

“Well, it is hardly my fault that…” Nadja looks around. “... you-know-who left again.”

“I didn't say it was. I'm just saying that–”

“What are you doing?” a voice asks from behind them.

The camera whirls around, revealing Nandor.

(Text reads: ‘Nandor the Relentless, Vampire’.)

He looks… for lack of a better word, like absolute shit. His hair is frizzy and flyaways stick out everywhere. His clothes are rumpled and partly bloodstained. He looks tired and miserable, and his houlders hang low in contrast to his usual puffed-up stance. And, maybe most notably, he's wearing a jersey under his cloak.

The Guide speaks first: “Oh, hello, Nandor. Your documentary crew is back.”

Nandor huffs. “Yes, I see that.” He steps forward, looking at Greg with challenge in his eyes. “What more do you have to capture? Have you not taken enough? What other failures of ours do you want to see?”

Nadja steps forward, gently nudging Nandor back. “Nandor, please do not act like a silly angry shitbaby right now.”

“I will act like a silly angry shitbaby all I want! You do not control me! No one does!” Nandor shouts, storming off. A distant slam is heard as he shuts himself in his room. Colin’s eyes faintly glow. 

A familiar guitar is heard.

The title sequence plays. Everything looks the same, but there's an added picture in Laszlo’s sequence of him and Baby Colin with Baby Colin’s face torn out, and Guillermo’s photos are gone in the same fashion that Colin’s were after he died.

The next shot is a talking heads segment: Colin and Nadja sitting on a couch together, and the Nadja doll on her namesake’s lap.

“Nandor’s been really down ever since you-know-who left,” Colin explains. “We can't actually say his name or he gets really pissy, even though he's trying to act like nothing’s wrong.”

“Which is what he always does anyway!” Nadja exclaims. “He is a very big pissbaby about these things! He tried to distract himself with books like he does sometimes but of course he had to just close his book and start complaining.”

“It’s bloody awful,” the Nadja doll says. “I have been thinking of stabbing him more and more, but I think he would be happy if I did, so I do not.”

She sighs, rubbing at her temples. “Sure, he gets sad about everything, but then when something makes him very miserable like this, he always sulks and cries for two or three decades before he feels better.”

“But the two or three decades that he cries are super annoying. And that's saying something coming from me.”

“Yes. It is very annoying. And I think he should just,” Nadja pitches her voice up, “get over Guillermo already!”

The next shot is a talking head of Nandor, who slouches moodily with his arms crossed.

“So what if Guillermo is gone?” He scoffs, throwing up his arms. “I do not need him! I have never needed him! All this time, all I've gone for him, and now he goes and leaves me again? This is how I get repaid?”

Chris and Laura shoot each other a look.

“If he thinks he can just throw away everything we had, that is fine by me! Why should I care! I don't care!” He gestures wildly, and sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than anything.

The worst part is that he started this rant unprompted. But, well, footage is footage.

“I don't even care to know what he's doing without me! It's only been a year, but I bet he is so full of regret he cannot even eat! But I don't even care if he is full of regret, because I am doing very well without him, you know!”

Cut back to Colin and Nadja.

Nadja continues, “Well, in other news, after my club blew up into bits, I am back on the Vampiric Council! It is very boring work compared to the club, but it is work. And the building is still standing if I ever decide to try again.” She smiles, pleased with herself. “I've been trying to distract Nandor from his sadness with Council work, but it doesn't really work. He is still sad, he is just sad right next to me.”

The camera cuts; it's the next day. Night. Nadja knocks on Nandor’s door. “Nan-dor!” she singsongs. “I have a fun task for you to help me with!”

“Fuck off,” Nandor calls.

“I will not fuck off! You are helping me.” Nadja opens the door anyway.

Nandor is on his chaise, wrapped up in furs and pouting. “What do you want?”

“You are coming with me to tell new vampires about the Council and make them start paying dues.”

“Why?”

“Because I fucking said so. Get up!” 

She pulls him up by the arm, and he looks miserable, but he goes.

The next shot is outside a nice looking apartment building. 

Nadja and Nandor are inside, walking down one of the hallways. Nadja holds a stack of papers. “Now, this one is just a little baby vampire, so we want to be very welcoming and nice so he does not try and rebel or run for the hills.”

“I can be welcoming and nice,” Nandor grumbles.

“Sure,” Nadja says, not sounding sure in the slightest.

They come to a stop in front of a door, which Nadja knocks on firmly. 

“Best behavior, Nandor,” she reminds him. “Big smile.”

She points at the corners of her upturned mouth. Nandor grimaces back, showing off all his teeth.

The person who opens the door is laughing as he does so, looking somewhere behind him.

“Shut up , dude, there's someone at the–”

Guillermo turns around and freezes, his fanged smile instantly dropping. He's wearing one of his signature sweaters, and he still has his glasses. Just like when this all started. His face is entirely slack.

His eyes, screaming danger, flicker between everyone before getting stuck on Nandor, who tenses up like a drawn bowstring. 

Nadja looks between the two of them.

“ Fuck no,” Guillermo hisses, slamming the door shut.

Guitar chords start up in the background as Nadja and Nandor look at each other.

Cut to the end credits. “Vampire Money” by My Chemical Romance plays in the background.

“The kids don't care if you're alright, honey / Pills don't help, but it sure is funny / Gimme, gimme some of that vampire money, come on!”

Chapter Text

The shot opens on the apartment building.

(Text reads: ‘Guillermo and Derek’s Apartment Building’.)

There’s a voiceover for a moment: “No, no, no. Hell no.”

Guillermo is shown once more, doubled over on a grey couch with his head in his hands. “How is this happening? Why is this happening? What did I do? Am I seriously having a panic attack? I don't even need to breathe! I didn’t think vampires got panic attacks but now look where we are!” He laughs hysterically, twisting his fingers deeper into his hair.

Nandor and Nadja stand awkwardly to the side. Derek has appeared, patting Guillermo on the back and trying to reassure him: “It’s okay, man, let’s just see what they have to say and then they’ll be on their way–”

“No!” Guillermo shouts, strangled. His face makes a re-appearance, and he gestures largely at everyone. “Every damn day I was with them, they never left me the hell alone. I don’t see why I should listen to them just because they managed to track me down.” He stands, then, stepping forward into Nadja and Nandor’s space, jutting his chin out at them. “I don't see why I should let them ruin my life again.”

Nandor steps forward with a mix of very complicated emotions on his face. “Hey, you should be grateful that we have found you! Because we have all been doing fine without you, by the way, and I don’t see why two baby vampires should be teaching each other how to be vampires, anyway!”

Guillermo’s face twists in rage. “Like you have any fucking say in what I do anymore–”

“Wait, he, um–” Derek pipes up, tensing when all the attention is drawn to him. “U-uh. He kind of… has a point, man.”

“ What? ” Guillermo snarls.

“Well– fuck, dude, I didn’t know shit about being a vampire until I got those… really minimal lessons from that guy?”

“My Laszlo is not just a guy ,” Nadja says haughtily, missing the point.

Guillermo moves closer to Derek, turning his back on the other vampires. “...Derek. I was living with them for over a decade. You’ve seen what I–” Guillermo glances at the camera and lowers his voice. “...you’ve seen what I’ve learned just from that. We don’t need anyone, and we definitely don’t need them.” He gives Nandor a pointed look.

“...yeah, sure, but, like… neither of us can, like… hypnotize people that well. Or fly. Or do that wall climbing thing.”

Guillermo opens then shuts his mouth. After a moment, he huffs out a decisive breath. “Close your eyes.”

“Aw, come on, man, don’t–”

“ Close. Your eyes. ”

Derek sighs, covering his eyes. “Man…”

Nandor scoffs. “What can you do to us that we cannot–”

Guillermo reaches down his shirt and pulls out the cross on his necklace without hesitation. Nandor and Nadja both shout as they bring up smoking hands to shield their eyes.

“ That’s what I’m going to do!” Guillermo shouts coolly over their pained cries. “Now get the fuck out! ”

Nadja and Nandor rush out the door, and the camera swivels back to a defiant, seething Guillermo stuffing the cross back into his shirt. “You can look now, Derek,” he says. He turns to the camera. “You get one interview, okay? Only because of the irony.” He slumps down on his couch again.

Familiar guitar begins to play.

The title sequence plays. The picture of Guillermo dressed as Armand is replaced with one of him now; a vampire that doesn't need a costume. Along with everyone's group photos are a few pictures of Guillermo and Derek: one of them posing next to their first kill together, one of them doing bunny ears to each other and grinning sharply, and one, blurry, of Derek in accidental flight, screaming in mid-air.

The photo of Laszlo and Baby Colin with Baby Colin’s face gone appears again; this will now be a permanent addition to the title sequence.

(“That's so sad, though,” Anna had said. “Do we have to?”

Laura shrugged. “Sadness sells, kid.”

“You're only a couple years older than me!”)

When the title sequence ends, Guillermo is sitting on the couch with his legs crossed. His serious façade is slowly chipped away by a bright, disbelieving smile.

(Text reads: ‘Guillermo, Vampire’.) (Finally.)

“So, yeah. You all saw what happened. I asked Derek to make me a vampire, and he did. The first thing I noticed after dying,” he pulls out the cross, “was that I was still wearing this.”

He hastily tucks it away as Derek comes on screen and sits beside him.

(Text reads: ‘Derek, Guillermo’s roommate’.)

“It took him, like, a whole week to die,” Derek says. “I thought it wasn't going to take, but then he wakes up a fucking super vampire, and can I just say that I'm super proud of the first person I ever sired?” He shakes Guillermo by the shoulder with a grin. “Coolest plot twist in the world!”

Guillermo grins, too. “Yeah, I guess my Van Helsing genes sort of canceled out some of the vampire effects. I still can’t go out in the sun for too long or eat food, but… mostly everything else is still good. Crosses, prayers, stakes, that stuff.” He shrugs. “Derek’s been pretty good at showing me all the ins and outs he's learned, and I've been showing him everything I picked up from the others.”

“We do still, like… kind of suck, though.” Derek shrugs. “Pun not intended.”

Guillermo opens his mouth to retort, but it turns into a grimace instead. “Yeah… we're not, uh, the best at… anything Derek said already. We tried hypnotizing someone once, but I think they thought we were high.”

“Well, we were.”

“Yeah, first time we had drug blood. That was fun.”

“Anyway, we are killer at hiding bodies! Pun intended this time.”

“But it's just– I– Derek,” Guillermo groans pointedly.

Derek sighs, patting him on the shoulder. “I know, dude, I know. But who else is going to do it?”

Guillermo’s face is pinched uncomfortably. After a moment, he lets out a long sigh. 

“Fine.”

Nadja stands against the wall with her arms crossed. Nandor is grumbling as he paces frantically outside the door.

“Cannot believe him… fucking little guy… left me for nothing…”

The slam of a door startles both of them. 

Guillermo stands in the doorway, looking mildly annoyed. He sighs. “Come in.”

The next shot is of Guillermo standing with his hands on his hips in the middle of the living room as the others take up all the sitting room.

“Nadja and Nandor. You're going to help us become better vampires.”

Nandor barks a laugh. “Why should we?”

“Because you owe me for 14 years of service, stringing me along the entire time, making a million demands knowing I couldn't possibly fulfill them all, nearly getting me killed a hundred times– by the way, I don't think you've really made up for dropping me that one time– and, oh yeah, whatever the fuck you did with Fr–”

“Okay, okay, yeesh. I get it.” Nandor crosses his arms and slumps down into the couch.

Nadja rolls her eyes. “Excuse me, Guillermo, but I have not done anything that means owing to you.”

“You probably have, but it doesn't matter. Because you get to make sure Nandor does his job.”

Nadja grins. Nandor scowls.

“But don't expect this to mean I'm just going to come back and do all your shit for you. This does not mean I’m coming anywhere into any of your lives again. You're just going to make sure we're doing a good job as vampires, and then hopefully I'll never have to see you again.” Guillermo holds out his hands– one each. “Deal?”

Nadja and Nandor look at each other. They nod. Then they look back at Guillermo.

Nadja shakes Guillermo’s left hand.

Nandor’s mouth falls open. “Hey– what? No! That nod was a no, Nadja!”

“Well, that is just too bad then,” Nadja says smugly. “You will have to shake anyway because I have shaken already.”

“Why should we not leave them alone? It is what they want! They can go back to sucking each other off without us having to show them.”

Guillermo starts sputtering. “Wh– it– we only did that a couple times and it wasn't– we didn't even–!”

“Figure of speech, Guillermo,” Nadja says, ignoring how he’s fuming and turning to Nandor. “Do you really have anything better to do?”

“Yes!”

“Tell me.”

Nandor opens and closes his mouth a few times before groaning loudly. He shakes Guillermo’s right hand quick and rough, and takes his own back like he's been burned.

Guillermo’s grin is sharp, if not still a little embarrassed. “Good. We have a deal, then.”

When Guillermo turns to talk to Derek about something, a glimpse of something like longing is caught on Nandor’s face, just for a second, before it goes back to tired and grumpy.

Nadja, surprisingly, shines with pride.

“I knew our little Guillermo was a shrewd little business guy, but he really does know how to work us!”

She's walking into an office. It's decently-sized, with a nice looking desk and comfortable desk chair behind it. When she opens the door, The Guide sits at an armchair along the wall. She's fidgeting with something in her hands.

(Text reads: ‘Nadja’s office’.)

“Nice, right?” Nadja asks the camera. “The Vampiric Council managed to get another building’s basement while the other headquarters was being rebuilt from the fire. Besides, there was no room for meetings now that business is back to the ushe .”

The Guide waves hello, revealing the blood-spatter-patterned infinity cube in her hands. “Hello again!”

Nadja takes a seat next to her. “We are currently trying to brainstorm some new breathtaking money-making ideas.”

“Don't forget life-draining!” The Guide adds. “We need blood.”

Nadja nods. She and The Guide begin discussing as Nadja’s voice plays over the scene: “The Guide and I have become much better friends over the year! She is actually very clever, and I feel very sorry that I have not told her this sooner.”

Cut to Nadja standing outside the office door. “Laszlo likes to tease me that I have found a new girlfriend, but I do not see the harm in having more friend girls! The silly boys are just too much sometimes. I feel as though The Guide understands me a lot in ways that the others do not sometimes.”

The camera shows a few more seconds of The Guide and Nadja talking, both with smiles on their faces, before cutting again to Laszlo in the living room.

“Oh, Nadja and The Guide? As the kids say…” he leans in with a smirk, “they've got the hots for each other.”

He leans back. “I don't particularly mind. As long as my darling Nadja is still mine at the end of the day, I could bear to share.”

“But what about Jeff?” Laura is faintly heard asking.

“Who?”

“Uh– Gregor.”

Laszlo scoffs. “ Gregor. That wanker couldn't care for my lady if it were to keep his head on. At the very least, The Guide can be a good companion for her when I cannot. If a relationship outside our marriage is more than a one-time fuck, it should be with someone dependable.”

He straightens up in his seat. “I'm not very interested in anything more with anyone but Nadja, but if she is interested, I have to approve. And, I must say, even though The Guide is a bit odd, I do approve. I love a woman who can run things, what's one more?”

Cut to the house, with Guillermo standing in the front yard again. He has a large suitcase and a backpack with him, and he lets out a full-body sigh.

He turns to face the camera, grimacing. “I honestly hate that I'm back here.”

He enters, and is immediately jumpscared by a wraith passing by. He turns back to the camera with wide eyes. “Those are new.”

He walks up the stairs and into a room with light blue walls, dark blue curtains, a bed with blue sheets… it’s easy to guess which room this is. There’s a voice over saying: “At least I don't have to sleep in the storage closet anymore. Now I'll actually have a door.”

He sits on the bed, bouncing slightly. “Not even a drop of leakage in here. And, look, it can fit more than two people. And it's clean, and I didn't even have to fucking clean it.”

He sighs again. “I don't think it's wrong of me to feel a little vindicated right now, right? But… I shouldn't have had to wait this long to have deserved this.”

“What about Derek?” Anna asks.

“Derek gets to stay in the apartment because, quote, ‘he has more experience and you are more of a stupid baby vampire than he is’.” Guillermo rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I've got dirt literally everywhere and I didn't need a coffin anyway.”

He stands, digging through his backpack to pull out a small ziploc with dirt in it that he tucks under the mattress.

“Well. See you at night, I guess.”

A song starts up as Guillermo gives the camera one last small smile and closes the door.

Cut to the end credits. “Georgia on My Mind” by Ray Charles plays in the background.

“Other arms reach out to me / Other eyes smile tenderly / Still in peaceful dreams I see / The road leads back to you…”

In-credits scene: From a distance, we see Nandor creep up to the door where Guillermo sleeps. He peeks into the room for a second, then comes away with a small smile on his face. Then he notices the camera and grimaces.

Chapter Text

Guillermo is soundly asleep in his bed. He's wrapped up comfortably in the blankets and he has a serene look on his face.

Slowly, his eyes open…

…and a wraith is looking down at him with a duster in hand.

He jumps back, screaming, and falls off the bed.

Rapid footsteps are heard, and in a matter of seconds, Nandor is at the door, frenzied, looking around wildly.

“Guillermo! Are you alright?! I heard a scream and–” He looks at the wraith, then at Guillermo, who is stunned and still on the floor, then at the camera, before crossing his arms and scoffing. “Not– not that I was worried. I do not care if you are hurt. Goodbye.”

And with that, he's gone. Guillermo sighs. “Great first day back, huh?”

He looks up from the floor at the wraith, who has begun wordlessly making the bed. A familiar guitar begins to play.

The title sequence plays, including the new vampires' photos. These will now be a permanent addition to the title sequence.

A shot of the main house is shown, then we cut to the inside, to the main entrance. Guillermo and Derek are standing next to each other with rigid posture as Nandor paces in front of them. Derek has on a grey button-up and black pants, which is a much classier upgrade from the last time we saw his vampire wardrobe, and Guillermo is in his dress shirt and vest combo.

“This will be your first hunt in a group of vampires,” he says, with all the command of a former soldier. “It will double as your first lesson in basic vampire shit, meaning flying, strength, and hypnotism.”

Derek looks nervous and Guillermo looks like he'd rather be anywhere else, but there's a noticeable air of excitement to the two of them.

Nandor turns to them sharply. “I assume you have not found your specialties as vampires?”

Guillermo rolls his eyes. “Uh, yeah? I thought we'd established mine? Or do you want me to start a prayer right now?”

Nandor hisses lightly. “It would be kind of you to not speak out of turn.”

Guillermo bares his teeth and narrows his eyes. Derek’s gaze flickers between the two of them.

Nadja starts coming down the stairs then, clapping her hands in a ‘hurry up’ signal and effectively breaking the tension. “Well, come on, are we teaching the baby vampires or are we just standing around? Let's go, I'm starving!”

“Quite right,” Laszlo agrees, appearing behind her. “Come on, then, there's a couple of good lads.”

Colin appears behind Guillermo and Derek, breaking their line by shoving past the two of them. “Hey, Laszlo, guess what? So apparently a group of bats is called a colony, did you know that? I think if vampires started referring to themselves as colonies it might get confusing but we should figure out a term because werewolves already have “pack” so…”

Guillermo gives Nandor a smug smile and follows Colin out the door. Nandor's mouth opens and closes a couple of times before he curls his fists in frustration.

“I- I'm ready to go, Mr. the Relentless!” Derek tries with a weak smile.

Nandor huffs and storms out.

The Guide appears behind Derek and grabs his arm. “Let's go, I'm starving.” She drags him out, and that's that.

A while later, they’re out in what looks to be an abandoned parking lot lined with buildings, where a very beat-up car sits innocuously. The scant street lamps aren't doing much for lighting, but that's a problem for later. The colony has left Nandor, Guillermo, and Derek to do this while they all start their hunt.

“First,” Nandor announces, “we will test your strength.”

Nandor takes Derek by the shoulders and places him in front of the car.

“Move it,” he instructs.

“W-what?” Derek asks.

Nandor gestures to the car. “You are a vampire. You have strength. Move the car.”

“If he doesn't want to, I will,” Guillermo offers.

“No.” Nandor spins to face him. “Derek must take the lead. He has been a vampire longer, and–”

“Oh! Oh, I get it.” Guillermo scoffs out a laugh. “You're still looking for ways to undermine me, aren't you?” 

Nandor bares his teeth. “No! Guillermo, you do not understand–”

“Don't tell me I don't understand!” Guillermo shouts, balling up his fists. “You still think I'm a weak mess that can't do anything! Well,” he storms up to the car, and Derek wisely jumps out of the way. “How's this for weak?”

Guillermo kicks the car, practically sending it flying. Maybe too far. Because a running figure appears just as he kicks the car, and they shout as the car goes careening into them, and they're knocked to the ground with an echoing noise like a shout or a whine. Or both.

The three vampires stare in silence for a second.

“Shit,” Guillermo whispers.

“Yes, shit, you couldn't wait your turn and got upset and now look what you have done!” Nandor rushes over to the figure with inhuman speed, and Derek and Guillermo follow suit at somewhere in the middle of human and vampire speed.

Nandor is grimacing when the camera catches up. “Guillermo,” he says in a warning tone, “you did not only hit a person with a car. You hit a werewolf with a car.”

Guillermo pales. More than a vampire needs to, anyway. “S-shit, okay, so– so what does that mean? A-are they gonna–”

Howling is heard in the distance. They all turn.

“Shit,” Derek says. “Shit, no, oh fuck, is this gonna be like the battle in the Twilight movie where they had the really ugly baby? No, no, I'm freaking the fuck out, man, I can't–”

Guillermo pats Derek on the back. “Hey, shh, it's gonna be okay, dude–”

“Alright, who the hell hit one of us with a fucking car?”

The voice is familiar. Accompanying it is a thunderous amount of footsteps, and when the light catches the pack’s faces, we see that it's the same pack that pissed on Laszlo’s bushes in season 1.

“Oh, fuck,” Arjun says. “You fucking guys again?”

“Chad!” Suzie shouts, rushing to his side. “Chad, holy shit, wake up!”

“Wha’s happenin’?” Chad asks blearily.

“Oh, I'll tell you what's happening,” Jenine says, glaring at the vampires. “These bloodsucking sons of bitches hit you with a car.”

“Sick,” Chad says, before passing out again.

“Nan-door!” Nadja singsongs. The others trail behind her. “We have been waiting for you to– oh, fuck.” She stops short when she sees the werewolves confronting the others. “Oh. You again.”

The vampires group together, and Suzie pulls Chad back into her pack. The two groups stare each other down for a moment.

Arjun straightens. “You know what this means, don't you?”

They all stand in tense silence for a moment.

“...no, what?” Nadja asks.

Arjun’s eyes narrow. “A rematch.”

“Rematch! Rematch! Rematch!” the werewolves chant.

Nandor grimaces. “Am I going to have to fight Toby again? Not that I am opposed. Just that it would be even less of a fair match than last time because I am much stronger and smarter now.”

Guillermo rolls his eyes.

Jenine hums. “Hold on. Let's make this interesting, yeah? How about…” She walks up to Nandor, pressing a finger into his chest. “You pick our fighter, and we,” she gestures to the pack, “pick yours?”

Nandor hisses lightly. “No, we cannot do that! The accordance says–!”

Laszlo walks up behind Nandor and pats his shoulder. “Old chap, I'm afraid that it's agree to the new terms or ask Toby to remember the deeds done against him.”

Toby, fully healed and doing well, growls.

“...right. Amendment accepted. We meet in, uh… when works for you?”

They agree on half an hour and part ways.

Thirty minutes later finds the vampires atop the same building from four years ago. Guillermo stands at the edge, overlooking the twinkling lights of the city. When Nandor comes up beside him, he turns to look for a second, before turning back to the view.

“Tonight is a good night to die,” he says, jokingly solemn.

Nandor startles. “What? Why would you say that? You are not going to die, I will not allow it.”

Guillermo looks at him, pleasantly surprised. “N-no, um– that's what you said when we were here last time, remember?”

Nandor's eyes widen for a second. “Ah. Yes, of course I remember. I always remember things.”

For the first time in a while, Guillermo genuinely smiles at Nandor. “Right, of course you do.”

Nandor turns to face him, a bit taken aback. He allows himself a small returning smile before looking away again.

Nadja claps her hands. The camera turns, showing everyone standing around waiting for the werewolves. “Okay, everyone! We have to be very sneaky with our choice. Who is the best bet?”

Guillermo turns. “I think the biggest issue is worrying about who they're gonna pick.”

Everyone unsubtly looks at Derek, who knows everyone is looking at him. He sighs. “Look, guys, I know you don't have any faith in me–”

“Bit of an understatement,” Colin mutters to Nadja and The Guide, who snicker.

“–but I can do it!” He puffs out his chest in a show of confidence. “I'll win this fight and our honor with it!”

Laszlo slaps Derek on the back so hard he doubles over. “Don't think you'll have much choice, old chap. Here they come now.”

A smattering of footsteps are heard as the werewolves move up the stairs.

The vampires take a breath, standing in a group and making themselves look confident.

The werewolves burst through the doors, with the notable exception of Chad. They form up in front of the vampires.

“Alright,” Arjun says. “Let's get to it, then. Who do you pick?”

Laszlo steps forward, making a show of looking everyone over. Eventually, he points at a young, scrawny woman hiding behind Tony. 

“You,” Laszlo declares. “The blonde. You're our choice.”

Mark scoffs. “Come on. That’s bull.”

Arjun’s brows twitch, but he sighs as the woman steps forward. “Sorry, Lacie, a deal’s a deal.”

“It's fine, Arjun.” Lacie smiles at the vampires. “I think I've got this.”

She shakes herself out with a snarl. Her muscles shift and her ears grow more pointed, and she lifts an inch or two as she summons her wolf features.

“Oh, come on ,” Nadja whispers. “We found another stupid strong one.”

The werewolves laugh, all pretense of worry gone. “Lacie’s pretty new to the game,” Arjun explains, “but she's packing quite a punch. Surprised you picked her– you guys should know better.”

“Whatever!” Nandor calls. “It is your turn to choose!”

Arjun turns to his pack, and they whisper among themselves. Derek tenses, ready for them to choose him. Well, not ready per se, but prepared. Well, not prepared . Just expectant.

When Arjun turns around, Derek closes his eyes in a flinch.

“You.”

…But he's not pointing at Derek.

He's pointing at Guillermo .

“I– what?” Guillermo startles. “Me?”

“Yeah, you. C’mon, you didn't think we remembered you, familiar? ” He laughs again, and so do the rest of the werewolves. Even Lacie laughs, growling and rough.

A few rapidly shifting emotions wash over Guillermo’s face before he decides on a willfully innocent look. He even gulps audibly as he steps forward. “But… I-I don't even know how to fight!” He covers his mouth in a play of surprise.

Jenine sneers. “Yeah, well, you're not so much smarter than us, y'know.”

“And you're…” Guillermo fiddles with the end of his vest, keeping his head down. “You're sure we can't change our picks?”

Nandor steps forward. “Guillermo, you–”

Guillermo turns, shooting him a look. “After all, rules are rules ,” he says pointedly. “And since I don't know how to fight, you guys are going to win for sure .”

“Yeah?” Mark laughs. “Why are you saying it so weird?”

Nandor still looks like he wants to intervene, but nods, hesitantly, minutely.

Guillermo turns back around. “No reason! Anyway. Um. Do we just start, or– ah!”

He's cut off by Lacie lunging forward, tackling him, pinning him to the ground. The werewolves and vampires back up, giving them room. Lacie raises a huge arm and the werewolves start to laugh, but then–

Guillermo shoves Lacie off, sending her flying. He gets up with a snarl, showing off his fangs.

Arjun startles. “Wh– wait–”

Guillermo grins sharply at him. “No take-backs.”

He runs circles around Lacie, landing blows left and right in a blur of motion while she swipes blindly at the air around him. She eventually catches him on the shoulder, and he pulls away with a loud hiss and fire in his eyes. They begin to circle around each other, baring their teeth and snarling under their breath.

“Go Guillermo!” Derek whoops.

“Kick her ass!” Nadja shouts.

“Come on, Guillermo!” Nandor yells, before remembering himself. “I mean, uh. Do– do whatever you would like.”

Guillermo snarls, squaring up. Lacie, alternatively, drops on all fours with a low growl. The werewolves are cheering her on, too.

She moves forward, quick, but Guillermo jumps– no, not jumps. He flies over her.

He turns to the vampires with a startled laugh as he floats back down. “Guys, look!”

The vampires all clap and cheer. Nandor stays quiet, but he's grinning.

The cheers go back to warning shouts when Lacie turns and jumps up at Guillermo before he can safely touch down, bringing him back down with a loud slam.

Lacie’s claws raise high to the sky before coming down. Guillermo grasps her wrists, trying to keep her from tearing into him. She snarls and writhes above him, and his arms shake from the effort. He bares his teeth, and the closer her claws come to his face, the more flickers of fear cross Guillermo’s face. His confidence in his abilities seems to start and end with vampires; he hasn’t had much chance or reason to fight with any other species.

Nandor subconsciously starts forward, seeing a fellow warrior in trouble, but Laszlo stops him by sticking an arm out. “Hey now, if you intervene, this becomes a fight between everyone,” he says quietly. “You need to stay.”

Nandor grumbles, worried, but stays put. His hands clench and unclench as he stares unblinking at Guillermo.

“You got this!” Derek calls. “Power of friendship, dude!”

Maybe all Guillermo needs is the power of friendship, because he finally manages to throw Lacie off of him with a cry.

…Maybe a little too hard. Because she goes flying off the roof with a loud whine, her arms and legs flailing.

“Lacie!” The werewolves shout, rushing to the edge of the roof. 

“Again?! For fucking real?!” Jenine shouts. “You assholes really have one fucking technique, don't you?”

“I-I'm sorry,” Guillermo pants shakily, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He holds his injured shoulder even though it's already healing. “I didn't know how hard I was–”

“Shut up, for fuck’s sake–” Jenine runs down the stairs, and everyone else follows, until the vampires are the only ones on the roof again.

Everyone stays still for a moment.

Guillermo turns slowly. “Does… this mean I won?”

Nadja starts laughing first. Then Derek breaks into a huge smile. And so on and so forth until everyone is grinning and moving closer.

“You did it, man!” Derek cheers.

Guillermo smiles up at everyone, shakily getting to his feet. When he wobbles, Nandor rushes forward to catch him.

He looks up at Nandor with wide eyes. Nandor hesitates, looking for the words, then sets Guillermo upright and settles on “...good job.”

Guillermo nods with a small smile. Belatedly realizing their hands are together, they both quickly pull apart, and Guillermo accepts the congratulations from everyone.

“Does this mean we don't have to train anymore?” Derek asks cautiously.

Nandor laughs. “Of course not.”

Cut to all the vampires flying off the building except for Nandor, Guillermo, Laszlo, and Derek. And Colin, who opts to walk down the stairs rather than trust fall that far. Guillermo’s voice plays over the scene: “So, I won my first fight as a vampire. That was fun, actually. I think I forgot what fighting really felt like.”

Nandor urges Guillermo closer to the edge, stepping off and hovering. He gestures to himself and says something indistinguishable, holding his arms out for Guillermo. Hesitantly, Guillermo grips his forearms tightly and steps off.

“And, I mean, I know this is probably good training. I'm definitely going to have to keep tabs on my strength, hah. And… I guess, my temper.”

Guillermo dips a bit too quickly, but manages to get ahold of himself as Nandor guides him down, smiling encouragingly. Guillermo beams with pride.

“I… guess Nandor was right. About me getting frustrated too fast. That happened when I was a human, but maybe it's, like, a thing that gets stronger when you're turned. I don't know.”

Cut to Guillermo, talking to the camera in real time as the vampires wait for Laszlo and Derek, occasionally shouting up at them. Nandor looks back at Guillermo with a soft expression.

(“Is our Nandor-and-Guillermo-hooking-up bet still on?” Greg asks after they review the footage that night, placing everyone’s drinks on their table. They basically claim the corner table in the small bar every time they come back to film, and the owner knows them all by name. She gives them an extra bowl of peanuts every time they visit. In return, they’d told her to serve more snacks with garlic and gifted her a silver necklace. Just in case.

“If it is, you've already lost. You bet on last season, remember?” Laura says, grabbing a handful of garlicky peanuts. “Pretty sure me and Shari are the only ones who still have a chance of winning.”

“Even if we all end up losing,” Anna sighs, twirling her straw, “they need to get their shit together.”

They all drink to that.)

“It definitely feels weird saying Nandor was right about something,” Guillermo continues. “I mean, I'm still pissed at him, but…”

He turns, and Nandor whips his head back around. Guillermo turns back to the camera with a small smile. “But it's nice getting to hear him cheer me on.”

The camera moves up to where Laszlo is trying to convince Derek to fly down. “Come on, boy, remember what I taught you?”

“You didn't teach me this, dude!”

“...right, yes. Well, that's what this is about.” Laszlo’s tone is, interestingly, quite paternal. “I’ll be with you every inch of the way.”

Derek seems to be giving in. He takes a deep breath. “...Okay.”

“That's a good lad.” Laszlo steps off the edge, effortlessly hovering. He holds out a hand. “Come on, then.”

Derek nods assuredly. With another deep breath, he takes Laszlo’s hand, steps forward, and lets out a wail as he falls straight down.

Cut to the end credits. “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar plays in the background.

“Hit me with your best shot / Why don't you hit me with your best shot / Hit me with your best shot / Fire away…”

In-credits scene: Derek, face-down on the pavement as Laszlo floats down after him and everyone else looks curiously on. As the werewolves pass, also glancing at him, they all snicker to themselves. Jenine catches the attention of the camera. “Serves them right,” she mutters to Lacie, who looks scratched up but otherwise alright.

Chapter Text

The shot opens on the house and we go into Guillermo’s room to see him nearly poke his eyes out with an eyeliner pen. He’s sitting at a wooden vanity against the wall. His glasses are folded up on a letter next to his phone, which he uses to check his face instead of the empty mirror.

“Ow, fuck– oh, hey guys.” Guillermo turns on the bench with a grin. “Guess who was invited to a par-ty! ” He laughs to himself, turning back to his phone, and gestures at the letter. “Derek came to the house a few days ago with a letter from Jenna– you guys remember Jenna, right?”

Shots from season 1 featuring Jenna and her powers play over Guillermo’s talking. “Anyway, she’s kind of made a name for herself as, like, The Invisible Woman, and it’s pretty cool. Unique powers get you places.” 

He finishes one eye and moves to the other. “She sent us an invite to someone’s party. And she says it’s cool since they’re friends. Apparently they can’t wait to have–” and here he uses air quotes– “ The Slayer at their party.” He finishes the wing on his other eye and reaches for an eyeshadow palette with a chuckle. “That’s kind of what people have been calling me. I guess the vampire slayer thing kind of stuck.”

“Guillermo?”

Nandor pops his head into the room, startling Guillermo into letting the brush slip into his eye.

“ Ah, motherfucking – yeah, Nandor?”

“What is all this talk about a party?”

“Oh, um–” Guillermo turns around again, keeping a hand over his eye. “I got invited to one?”

“Oh? So you are missing practice? And where was our invitation?”

Guillermo shrugs. “Yeah? It was for me and Derek. We can just wait until tomorrow. As for your invitation… you didn't get one, I guess. It's not a big deal.”

“Of course it is a big deal!” Nandor enters the room fully and crosses his arms. “This will be your first impression as a–”

“Not my first.”

“–vampire, and… what?”

“It's not my first party.”

Nandor looks incredibly confused. Guillermo sighs. “Look, I don't know how word got out that ‘The Staten Island Slayer, secret Van Helsing’ was turned, but I guess it earns you a lot of clout or whatever. People know me already.” He laughs a bit. “I think I'm kinda popular, actually.”

“...Very well. Then you will bring me along.”

Guillermo stands. “What? No I won't.”

“You will. I have to make sure no one is secretly making fun of you. It is for your own good that I come.” He leaves without a word.

Guillermo groans as the theme song starts up.

The title sequence plays.

Cut to: A large building in the night. Something falls from the sky, then two other somethings, fluttering and frenzied, before they turn into Derek and Guillermo with a poof. Guillermo wears a gauzy turquoise shirt with a lacy black vest over it, and black dress pants. Derek has on a blood red button up, tie, and matching dark grey vest and pants. A third bat comes down and reveals Nandor, who has on a normal getup. For him, anyway.

Derek and Guillermo sway, holding each other up. “We,” Derek pants, “are never fucking doing that again.”

“Agreed,” Guillermo groans. 

The building is playing loud, booming music that can be heard from outside. Nandor squints up at the sign above the entrance. “Sky… zone?”

Guillermo shrugs, turning to the camera. “There was a couple of vampires who were turned as kids, so they wanted a birthday party here. Reclaiming youth or whatever.” 

Derek picks up the first object that fell, a big bag with ‘ Happy Birthday! ’ written on it in big, shiny font. Balloons and confetti surround the words. “What did you think this was for?”

Nandor shrugs sheepishly. “Any vampire can appreciate a colorful gift bag."

Guillermo looks at Nandor again. “Are you sure you still want to come? I think they really only invited people who were turned in, like… the last century or so.”

Nandor huffs. “Yes, I already said I was coming and I am already here. I do not want to join Sean’s cooking party that everyone else was invited to and risk throwing up.”

“Fair enough,” Guillermo laughs. “Let's go.”

When they enter, bright neon lights wave excitedly in the air. The vampires standing around could, by and large, pass as humans, not having been turned long enough ago to keep any particularly inhuman traits.

“Hey, Guillermo! Derek!” a voice calls.

The two of them bend forward, as though pushed by something unseen, and in the next instant, Jenna appears.

She's had a serious emo glow up– dark lipstick and eyeshadow, and a very Hot Topic-esque black dress with a puffed-up skirt. She grins widely, showing off her fangs. “How are you guys?”

“Jenna!” They both say, hugging her back.

“Ugh, I missed seeing some familiar faces! How is everyone?” She pulls away. “How's Shanice?”

Derek sighs. “I think she's still in that club.”

“It's still going?” Guillermo asks.

Jenna groans. “Ughhh. I wish I could just talk to her about all this, but now she'll just stake me or whatever!”

“Well, no offense to Shanice or the rest of the club, but they'd probably all miss,” Guillermo laughs.

Jenna punches his arm lightly, and finally notices Nandor standing behind them. “Oh… hey?”

Nandor nods. “Hello. I am here to celebrate.”

“Did… you get an invitation?” Jenna asks. “Chelsea and Winnie were kind of intent on this being invite-only.”

“Uh– it-it's okay,” Guillermo stammers. “He's my, uh… plus one?”

Jenna gives him an incredibly skeptical look. “I think they might only allow that for you, Slayer .”

She says it playfully, without the scorn that Guillermo had gotten when he was human, and it makes him snicker. “I hope so. I am not getting kicked out of another birthday party.”

“What?” Nandor asks.

Guillermo shakes his head. “Long story.”

“Tell it later!” Jenna shouts. She grabs Derek’s and Guillermo’s hands and pulls them deeper into the fray. “C’mon!”

Nandor looks awkwardly back at the camera and grimaces before following them in.

Vampires everywhere are enjoying themselves in juxtaposing ways; some use their flight to maximize the potential of the trampolines and their strength to send each other flying in dodgeball, and others make out in the corners and take shots of what is definitely drug or liquor blood. The only humans around seem to either be hypnotized workers or workers with regular cognitive function who just can’t give enough of a shit to object.

Two blonde girls appear out of nowhere. They look to be in their teens, but their matching smiles are sharp. One has long hair and the other’s is short and feathered. 

“Welcome,” the first says, the one with long hair.

“We’re glad you could make it,” the other says.

“Hey, Chelsea, Winnie!” Derek greets. He bends down a bit to talk to them, which makes their smiles drop. He hands them the bag. “This is for you guys!”

Their smiles return at the sight of the gift, which they snatch away happily. Winnie– short hair– takes it away, while Chelsea stays, crossing her arms and looking Nandor up and down. “I don’t think I invited you,” she says in the judgemental tone only a teenager can conjure.

Nandor bristles, opening his mouth to argue, but Guillermo puts a placating hand on his chest. “Oh– sorry, Chelsea, I forgot to check if it was cool with you before I brought a…” He glances back at Nandor, and their gazes get caught on each other for a moment. Guillermo pulls his hand back. “...a, um. A plus one.”

Chelsea’s eyes widen in a show of sympathy. “Ohh, oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” She uncrosses her arms, placing her hands on Guillermo’s shoulders. “I think it’s so cool that you’re with another guy. I know the whole multiple-gender-liking thing is a whole aspect of being a vampire, but I don’t really think I’m there yet, y’know?”

Nandor’s eyes are wide. Guillermo would be blushing if he had enough blood in him. “Uh– n-no, I–”

“Actually, Winnie’s definitely there already. Like, been there. I mean, hel- lo , you do not have to wear flannels in summer!” She laughs. “She’s still not over gay marriage having become legal, like, 40 years after we died.”

“Um,” Guillermo gingerly takes Chelsea’s hands off his shoulders. “Uh. T-thanks, I guess!”

“No problem!” Chelsea beams, oblivious. She does a little finger wave at them all. “Have fun!” She calls, running after a glazed-eyed man holding a tray with shot glasses full of blood.

Guillermo, still flustered, straightens out his outfit unnecessarily. Derek snickers. “Finally, someone tamed The Slayer,” he jokes.

“Shut up,” Guillermo mutters, shoving him. “Nandor, come on, we should–”

But Nandor’s staring into the crowd like he's looking for something. Or someone.

“Nandor?” Guillermo pokes his arm. “What are you–”

Nandor shushes him, waving him off. “Shh, Guillermo, there is a group very suspiciously conspiring in the back there!”

Guillermo rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, Nandor, no one is–”

He turns, and the camera goes with him. 

Away from the crowd and huddled against the wall, in what are very obviously cheap halloween costumes, are the members of the Mosquito Collectors.

“Oh, shit,” Guillermo hisses. Blindly, he grabs for Derek’s arm. “Derek!”

Derek, who was mid-conversation with another group of vampires passing by, nearly spills his glass of blood. “Dude, what is it?”

“Fucking look!”

When Derek sees them, his face drops. “Oh, shit.”

(“This is gonna be so funny,” Chris murmurs to Dev, making his way over to the trio of humans.

“Don't do this to me,” Dev pleads to deaf ears as Shari follows him, mic in hand.)

Shanice jumps as the crew approach her, and only calms down fractionally when she recognizes them.

“Oh,” she says, dropping her fists. “Hey, it's you guys. Guys!” She turns, calling to the others through fake fangs. “It's that camera crew that was following Guillermo around!”

(Text reads: ‘The Mosquito Collectors of the Tri-State Area.’)

Claude leans in. “Hey,” he says, hushed. “We got a tip-off about some vampire party happening in here and decided to investigate.” He looks around, then holds up a backpack. It's opened just enough for the camera to view vampire-killing tools enclosed within. “If you guys are here…”

“...maybe Guillermo’s here, too,” Tonya finishes. Her eyes light up. “Maybe he can help us get rid of all these suckers.”

“Be patient,” Claude says. “We just need to find the right moment.”

“The only reason they're not being torn apart right now is probably because their smell and heartbeats could be mistaken for the hypnotized workers,” Guillermo whispers to Derek and Nandor, “but I can't say for sure how much time that means they have.”

“Don't you mean how much time we have?” Derek asks.

Guillermo can't help but let out a laugh. “Nah, they're not gonna get that far. We should get them out of here.”

“I agree,” Nandor says. He puffs up his chest. “Alright. I will get them out of here.”

“What?! No!” Guillermo grabs him by the cape, ignoring his protests. “If you go, they'll just fucking stab you!”

“Then I will kill them!”

“Yeah, and that's not something we want!”

Nandor throws his hands up. “Well, then, why did you even bring me here if you are not going to let me fight with anyone who is going to fight with you!”

“I didn't fucking bring you here! You invited yourself because you think–”

“Guys, shut up!” Derek whisper-shouts. “They're moving!”

The human trio is, in fact, starting to walk around. The vampire trio adjusts to not be seen.

“Okay,” Guillermo continues. “We have to find a way to–”

“Jenna?!” Shanice cries.

In the midst of the crowd, a clearing has formed. On one end stands Shanice, in front of Claude and Tonya. On the other stands Jenna. Their eyes are equally wide. Jenna’s hand is open around the empty space where her cup of blood was, now spilled on the ground in front of her.

“Shanice?” Jenna whispers, unbelieving.

Shanice stands up straighter. “Jenna!” she calls again with a wavering voice. “I– I don’t want to have to do this to you! But I don’t have a choice!” She takes the backpack from Claude, digging through it and intermittently reaching up to dry her eyes. “You– you’ve become a monster, Jenna, and I don’t care if I have to die doing this!”

She’s caused a commotion, and the vampires around her back up and mutter warily. Angrily. Claude and Tonya shoot glares, but glares won’t be enough if they decide to attack. Guillermo’s fists clench and unclench.

Eventually, Shanice finds what she was looking for– a cross. She holds it up triumphantly, reveling in the hisses it draws from the crowd. Derek and Nandor turn away, covering their eyes, and Guillermo stands in front of them, trying to act as a shield. 

But Jenna looks especially hurt. “Shanice!” she cries through her pain, past her blistering palms. “What are you doing?”

“What I should have done a long time ago, bloodsucker!” She pulls out a stake, and Guillermo can’t watch anymore. He rushes forward with inhuman speed, grabbing both the stake and the cross from Shanice’s hands before she can even process it and snapping them in half.

“Don’t hurt her,” he growls. “Don’t you dare hurt anyone here.”

Shanice stumbles backwards. Claude’s eyebrows raise and his jaw drops. Tonya gasps, covering her mouth. “Guillermo?” she asks in a small voice.

Guillermo’s shoulders tense. “Yeah.”

Claude steps forward angrily. “Who the hell did this to you, Guillermo?” he demands. “When we find them, we’ll–”

Suddenly, Derek appears between them. “You’ll what?” he asks, staring defiantly into Claude’s eyes. “Because I am! The, uh! The one who did it!”

Now Claude stumbles back, throwing his arms out to try and protect the other two members of the club. “Derek?” he asks disbelievingly. “I thought– we thought you were–”

“Well, you thought wrong!” He snarls. “Now back the fuck off!”

Jenna comes up behind Guillermo and Derek with a sad look on her face. “Is this what you did after I left?” she asks miserably. “Just… dedicated yourself to senseless violence?”

“It’s not senseless!” Shanice argues. “Vampires are bloodthirsty monsters, Jenna!”

“Maybe they are! But I’m one now!” Jenna calls. Guillermo and Derek step aside to make room for her as she slowly moves forward. “I would never have hurt you when I was alive, Shanice,” she implores. “And I don’t want to hurt you now.”

Shanice doesn’t buy it. Her hands ball up into fists. “Then why did you leave?!” she finally cries, something much less like the surface level anger and more like a deep pain lacing her voice. A hand comes up to cover her mouth.

(Almost subconsciously, Guillermo’s eyes seek out Nandor’s.)

Jenna pauses briefly in her tracks. “I… Shanice, I was so scared. I had all these uncontrollable urges– I knew that if I stayed I might risk hurting you. Badly. I couldn’t do that to you.”

(Nandor, still hidden in the crowd, is looking at Guillermo like he’s the only other person in the room.)

Shanice doesn’t respond to Jenna, taut as a bowstring. Her eyes are screwed tightly shut, hands in fists at her sides, shoulders shuddering with every breath. Jenna finally reaches her, ignoring the daggers Claude and Tonya are staring at her. She reaches out, carefully taking Shanice’s hands and urging her to unfold them.

Shanice warily opens her eyes, biting down on her bottom lip. Jenna stares into her eyes with a sad smile. “Shanice, I’m really, really sorry. If it’s any consolation… I really missed you.”

That does it. Shanice lets out a loud sob, throwing her arms around Jenna’s neck and crying into her shoulder. “I missed you so much,” she wails, “It was so awful thinking that I could’ve saved you and I didn’t, I couldn’t, I– I’m–”

“Hey, shh,” Jenna coos, stroking Shanice’s hair comfortingly. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.”

“You look really cool, by the way,” Shanice sobs.

Jenna rests her head on Shanice’s shoulder. “Thanks.”

“A- hem,” a booming voice sounds out.

Everyone turns to see Chelsea standing there, hands firmly on her hips. “This is cute and all, but I think you’re taking the attention waaay away from where it needs to be.” She crosses her arms. “It’s our birthday party, not your weird little reunion or whatever.”

Nandor emerges from the crowd. “You are entirely right.” He claps his hands loudly, “Alright, let us go!”

He takes large strides right out the door. “Who the hell was that?” someone wonders aloud.

Guillermo lets out a long-suffering sigh and starts ushering everyone to follow him. “Sorry about this, Chelsea,” he says to try and placate her.

“Yeah, whatever. Thanks for the gift.”

As the humans and select vampires exit, the door slamming behind them (and Shanice and Jenna holding hands), a low voice startles them: “Hey.”

They whirl around, revealing Winnie, leaning against the outside wall. She has a leg up against the brick and her hands are shoved deep in her pockets. “That was really cool of you guys. My sister, she’s kind of…”

“Demanding?” Derek guesses.

“An attention whore.” Winnie blows her sandy blonde bangs out of her eyes. “She’s always been that way. I mean, I know she cares and all, but it’s like, calm the fuck down, you know? We all know you’re not 16 anymore. You haven't been 16 since the ‘80s.”

She picks something up off the ground, and it’s then we notice that Derek and Guillermo’s gift bag has been sitting at her feet the whole time. It dangles off one of her fingers, swaying in the breeze. “By the way, it was really sweet of you to get us something, but we’re not super into Legos. Or beat-up Lego boxes.”

Guillermo, embarrassed, takes the bag back. Winnie kicks off the wall and gives them a two-finger salute. “Well, see ya,” she says, slipping back into the building.

Everyone’s silent for a moment. Derek cautiously walks up to Claude, holds his hand out to shake. “Truce, man? I've really missed you guys.”

Claude’s mouth opens, closes. He looks at Tonya, who seems indifferent at this point. He looks at Shanice, holding Jenna’s hand and smiling as she talks to her.

Claude sighs. He shakes Derek’s hand. “Truce,” he grumbles.

“Which way are you going?” Derek asks.

“The usual way,” Tonya says, gesturing vaguely.

“Oh–” Guillermo interrupts. “we have to split up, then. I mean– not right now, but–”

“We will accompany you for a while,” Nandor also interrupts. “Then we will leave.”

“I was saying that,” Guillermo mutters.

“Not fast enough, Guillermo. Let us go.”

They take a bus back to accommodate the humans (and because Guillermo and Derek don't want to risk transforming again).

The former Mosquito Collectors take up a good chunk of the seats, turning in towards each other and trying to reconnect. Guillermo and Nandor sit in a pair of seats in front of them, with Nandor slumped down and crossing his arms.

“I would much rather have flown, Guillermo,” he complains.

“Yeah, but look at them,” Guillermo gushes, sneaking a peek at the group as they burst into laughter. Tonya shoves lightly at Derek’s arm after a joke, and Shanice and Jenna’s hands are still intertwined. “They're friends again.”

“Well, we could have–” Nandor starts, cutting himself off. He stares petulantly out the window.

Guillermo suddenly remembers Shanice and Jenna’s confrontation. ‘Why did you leave?’

“...Nandor?”

“What is it, Guillermo?”

“...are you still mad at me for leaving?”

Nandor’s quiet for a moment before scoffing. “Which time?”

Guillermo sighs. “Okay, so you are.” He stares down at his hands, fiddling idly. “Nandor, I don't know what to say to you to make it up.”

“How about an apology?” Nandor rolls his eyes.

“Okay. I'm sorry.”

“What?” Nandor turns, his whole body moving with his head as he stares at Guillermo with wide eyes.

“I'm sorry. Well, okay, I'm not sorry for leaving–” Nandor scoffs, but Guillermo continues, “I’m sorry that I made you feel like I was leaving you behind.”

Nandor looks down again. “Because you were,” he grumbles.

“Because I felt like I had to! You never–” Guillermo stops himself, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath in and out. “Sorry. I'm working on that.”

“Good. Snappy little vampire.”

“Okay, it would make it a lot easier to work on if you wouldn't say that shit under your breath all the time!”

“I am only saying it because it is true!”

They begin to bicker again, oblivious to the fact that the Former Mosquito Collectors are all watching them, smiling amongst themselves.

“Oh, Nandor and Guillermo?” Derek starts, standing by a bus stop. He's speaking after having been dropped off. “They're, like, weirdly close to just going at it with each other. The only reason they don't is cause they keep arguing. But I think the reason they keep arguing is cause they like it.”

He shrugs with his hands in his pockets and a smug smile on his face. “Romance doesn't really do it for me, but it's fun to watch sometimes.”

Dev pounces: “You think their feelings are romantic?”

Derek scoffs. “I mean, schyeah.” He gestures back at the bus; through the window, we can see Guillermo and Nandor sitting quietly, stubbornly looking away from each other.

The camera turns back to Derek. “Normally I'd mark it down to horniness, but I see the way they look at each other sometimes. And the way Guillermo looks sometimes when talking about Nandor? Priceless.”

From a camera in the bus, we see that Derek is hopping back on for a second. The driver groans, “How much fuckin’ time are you gonna take–”

Derek holds up a hand in front of his face. “You are going to give me all the fucking time I need and not be an asshole about it, okay?”

The hypnosis takes, and the bus driver’s eyes glass over. Derek sighs, satisfied, and moves to speak to Nandor and Guillermo.

“I'll see you guys later, yeah?” Derek asks.

Guillermo turns, giving Derek a small smile. “Yeah, man. See you.”

“Actually, um…” Derek clears his throat. “Nandor?”

The vampire in question looks up. Derek points outside with a thumb. “Can we talk for a sec?”

Guillermo and Nandor give each other a quick look. Guillermo shrugs. Nandor groans, standing.

Guillermo looks at the camera again. Shrugs again.

Cut to Derek and Nandor standing outside. “What is it?” Nandor asks, vaguely annoyed. He crosses his arms and looks away.

“Listen, I'll just cut to it. Guillermo missed you when he was away, okay?”

Nandor’s head whips back around. 

Derek goes on. “He's stubborn as fuck, but we both know that. One time I just got him drunk enough that he spilled everything and cried for about an hour about how awful everyone was treating him. And he cried about you. Like, mostly you.”

Nandor looks a mix of sad and uncomfortable. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you guys need each other, okay? I love him, but he needs more than me. And you need to take care of him, better than you have been.”

Nandor’s nose wrinkles. “I do not do the taking care of. I am not a familiar.”

Derek groans. “Not like a familiar, man. Like a friend. Because you've just been expecting him to take care of everything, and then he left you.”

(“Good,” Chris mutters when they’re looking over the footage. “Read his ass.”)

He doesn't wait for Nandor to answer, just pats him on the shoulder. “At least think about it, okay?” Then he turns and walks off.

Nandor steps back into the bus, looking at Guillermo, who is nodding off in his seat. He first flicks a hand in front of the driver, relieving him of his hypnotic state, then stalks down the aisle to get back in his seat.

A few rows back, Chris, Shari, and Dev watch and wait with bated breath.

“What’d Derek wanna talk about?” Guillermo asks, rubbing at his eyes.

“Oh, um. He was asking about training. He just had some questions because he does not know what is happening.”

Guillermo laughs softly. “Okay, sure.”

“Are…” Nandor hesitates. “Are you tired, Guillermo?”

Guillermo’s eyebrows raise in surprise at the question. “Um… yeah, I guess so. I guess all that was kind of tiring.”

Nandor nods stiffly. He shuffles in his seat. “Well. I will not be upset with you if you must rest.”

Guillermo smiles at him as the bus rumbles and starts moving.

“I guess it was a good night,” Guillermo says in a voice over. In the shot, he and Nandor are still sitting in their seats, Guillermo slouched and sleepy and Nandor stiff and awkward.

“I mean, I didn't like the thought of the vampires maybe killing my old… uh, friends? I think we were friends. But I like the idea of getting to be able to see them again.

And I'm still not sure why Nandor wanted to come along, but…”

Guillermo tilts slowly, until his lead lands on Nandor’s shoulder. Nandor jumps minutely, but Guillermo stays put.

“...I guess maybe he missed me?”

After hesitating a moment, Nandor gently drapes the edge of his cape over Guillermo.

“...I guess part of me missed him too.”

The next shot is of them walking up the steps to their front door; the camera is far enough away to not be properly noticed. Guillermo holds the returned gift bag in his hand.

He steps onto the porch but stops in place, considering something. Nandor is forced to wait on the top stair behind him. (This way, they're at an equal height.) “Guillermo? What is it you are thinking about?”

Guillermo sighs. “Fourth grade.”

“...what?”

“Fourth grade. I was invited to Sarah Bell’s birthday party, and everyone liked Sarah, so I was really excited. I made my mom buy a gift just a little too far out of her price range, just so I would seem normal. But when I got to her house, no one would look at me. No one would play with me. Every time I turned to look at someone, they'd be laughing. I think I just sat in the backyard pulling at grass for an hour. When I told Sarah’s mom, Sarah started crying and threw a fit and shouted at me until her mom called mine and I left.”

Nandor looks at Guillermo with confusion tinged with sympathy. “Guillermo…?”

Guillermo’s next breath shakes as the turns to face Nandor, though his gaze is stuck to the ground. “I have never felt this wanted before I was turned. Not by my peers, or my family, and sure as hell not by any of you. Anyone who did just… wanted what I could do for them.” He huffs out a laugh. “Freddie didn't even want me. He just wanted a mirror of himself.”

Tentatively, Nandor reaches out to take his hand. “...I wanted you, Guillermo,” he quietly admits. “I still do.”

Guillermo glares at him sharply. “Don't fucking joke with me right now.”

“I am not fucking joking with you!” Nandor frowns. “Why do you think I waited for you at the train station? I was shouting for you, holding your luggage, looking like a big idiot!

“You…” Guillermo blinks in surprise. “...you called for me?”

“Fucking guy, of course I did! I offered to see the world with you, why would I have asked you if I did not want you?”

Guillermo looks incredibly taken aback by the intensity in Nandor’s voice. He simply gapes, speechless. Nandor continues: “Guillermo, I know I have done very many awful things, as a human and a vampire. But making you my familiar was one of the only good things to have come from my turning.”

Guillermo looks like he might start crying. “Nandor, I…” He takes a shuddering breath, screws up his face. “God–” Nandor winces– “you can't do this to me, not right now.”

“Guillermo?”

He takes his hand back and covers his eyes, pushing up his glasses. “You… you have no idea, Nandor, how long I wanted you.”

“Tell me,” Nandor breathes desperately, swaying towards him involuntarily.

Guillermo removes his hands, and his eyes are watery. “ Years, ” he whispers. “It felt like forever.”

“Forever is a long time,” Nandor murmurs.

“It is. It was too long for me to wait, that's why I had to–” Guillermo cuts himself off with a shake of his head, stepping backwards. “We can't do this. We shouldn't do this, Nandor, this is a bad idea.” He wraps his arms around himself, avoiding Nandor’s gaze.

Nandor is silent, staring from his place on the stairs. After a moment, he steps up too. “I understand.”

They stand awkwardly for a while. In the background of the scene, the beginning of “All I Wanted” by Paramore begins to play, gentle guitar underlining the tension in the air.

Guillermo sighs. “But I'm tired of us fighting, you know?”

“I am also quite tired of that. You have become very argumentative, you know.”

Guillermo laughs softly. “Yeah, I know.”

He tilts his head upwards, and they're looking at each other again, their gazes more vulnerable than they've ever been.

Guillermo takes a shaky breath, breaking the eye  contact and instead staring at his hand, which he holds out between them for Nandor to shake. “Friends?” he offers.

Nandor, however, doesn't break contact. He takes Guillermo’s hand. “...friends,” he amends, voice raw.

Guillermo’s eyes slowly drag back up.

They stare into each other’s eyes for another long moment.

“All I wanted was you… All I wanted was you…”

As the guitar picks up, Guillermo and Nandor pull each other in. Their lips crash together recklessly, and their hands roam all over– in hair, around waists, under clothes– as they move backwards.

Nandor finds himself spun around and briefly pinned to the door. The music briefly quiets when the guitar solo ends so he can be heard clearly: “I thought this was a bad idea?” He's trying to be teasing, but it comes out awed and breathless.

“I've had so many bad ideas, Nandor,” Guillermo pants, “and too many of them were already about you for you to start thinking you're special.”

Nandor fumbles behind himself to get the door open, and he and Guillermo hurriedly disappear behind it.

The camera pans down; the bag of Legos has been forgotten on the porch.

Cut to the credits. “All I Wanted” by Paramore continues over them.

“I think I'll pace my apartment a few times / And fall asleep on the couch / And wake up early to black and white reruns / That escape from my mouth…”

(Shari gets free drinks for the week for being right about hiding from the front porch tonight, and gets her due payment for winning the bet.)

In-credits scene: The inside of the bus where everyone waits for Derek to come back from his talk with Nandor. From Jenna’s shoulder, Shanice pipes up: “So, those guys are gonna fuck, right?”

Everyone else hums and nods in agreement.