Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alfred sighed with relief when he found the address that matched the one he had scribbled down on a crumpled piece of lined paper. He scanned the area thoroughly for any signs of life, but nothing came to his attention. The world was silent except for a swift breeze that occasionally whistled softly. The country was so silent and so white in the dead of winter but Alfred couldn’t waste time basking in the enemy's territory. He was there on a mission.

Technology had advanced significantly throughout the past few decades and now Alfred was lucky enough to own a device that could harvest a person's thoughts straight from the brain. No need for discussion, manipulation, or forcing information out of someone through ungodly methods of torture when you could just gently stick a rod into their head and harvest their unfiltered thoughts onto a recorder with the push of a button! 

Admittedly, the project was still in the works. However, Alfred had managed to nab himself the latest prototype. Of course he had to pay off a few workers to keep silent in the process of obtaining it, but it was finally in his hands nonetheless. A spark ran through his body as he thought about just how much he could do with whatever Ivan had going on in his brain. All of the Russian’s embarrassing moments, his turmoils, his fears, his commie secrets, his future plans, his nuke count, the list went on and on! And if all went well, it would be revealed at the meeting in Germany the following day.

A chilled breeze brought the young nation out of thought and refocused him to the mission. Luckily the Russian winter was an excuse to bundle up in a few layers of thick clothing, making him near unidentifiable. He wore a thick navy blue coat with tan fur on the hood paired with some regular jeans and snow boots. A black and gray ushanka covered his blonde hair and forehead. He could absolutely be passable as an actual Russian citizen. Alfred shivered at the thought of it. Being Russian during these times or even mistaken as one was definitely not an appealing idea to the proud American.

He shook his head, ridding his mind of the thought. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath in preparation but the intake of the sharp air of the winter was less than satisfying. However, it would have to do. He exhaled and walked through his cloud of breath as he paced toward the snow covered walkway that was already littered in footprints to and from the Russian’s front door. He stared at the door, realizing that this was the first time he's ever been there. The car on the side of the house was definitely Ivan’s. He could recognize that license plate hanging on by a thread and the two shitty temporary replacement tires anywhere so there was no way this was the wrong place.

Doubts aside, he reached for the doorknob and began walking forward as the door opened slightly. His eyes lit up, excited to finally see what layed inside and commence the next step of his plan.

“AH! Fuck!” He cried out in surprise, smacking both his face and his shoulder into the door. Shock quickly turned to frustration upon seeing the chain of a lock. 

Of course the Russian paranoia corrupted Ivan so badly to the point where he felt the need to put a damn chain lock on his door. Alfred mumbled to himself, cursing the Russian out for such an unplanned obstacle. Who locks their doors anyways? Back home, he had always just left his own front door unlocked, only locking it for long trips away. If he remembered. This was mostly out of laziness but seriously. Out of everyone on the planet, everyone in the same levittown, someone is just going to waltz into his house?

He groaned, taking his hand off the doorknob to rub the side of his face that hit the door.

“Oh. Нет. Get out.” A deep and threatening voice from the left side of the house commanded. Each sentence read a different emotion. Realization, denial, and anger. 

Even from a distance Ivan’s size was impressive. Alfred took a step back without realizing and further observed his enemy. If it hadn’t been for the man’s dark suit and violet eyes he could have blended into the snow no problem.  His platinum blonde hair and skin almost looked white paired with their surroundings. However it looked like his hair was in desperate need of a comb. He almost missed his white scarf that gently flowed in the wind behind him as he stepped closer.

It was strange that he was wearing a suit in the middle of the day at his own home but Alfred didn’t have time to make guesses since the giant Russian inched closer. 

“Hey man!” Alfred called, quickly taking a few more steps back and moving both his hands behind his back. “What's up, big guy? How's it going?” He smiled, his voice rising in pitch with each question.

Okay so, the original plan was out the window. Time for plan B! Wing it! As Ivan made his way across the yard, blabbing the same threats on and on with an expression that surely said he meant what he was saying, Alfred attempted to nonchalantly move a hand under his coat and into his waistband, where the device was stored.

Ivan had seemed to instantly recognize this hostile movement and perhaps out of habit reached both hands to his own waistband to search for a weapon of some sort. His patting and shoving movements into his pockets became more frantic as he pulled out nothing each time.

Trading in sneakiness for quickness, Alfred grabbed the device, fumbling it in the air before re-catching it firmly in his grasp. He ran toward Ivan and not-so-gently bashed one half of the device onto the side of his skull. Ivan let out a yelp, and attempted to raise his arms up to pull away and create a barrier between the two. But before that could happen, Alfred used his free hand to push the button on the other half of the device. He felt an odd sensation course through his veins on that hand followed by a loud pop, and then… nothing.

____________________

Alfred groaned in pain as he awoke looking up at the blurry clouds in the sky. A throbbing in the side of his head immediately became evident. Feeling the cold sensation of snow on his back, he gathered he had been knocked over at some point. He let out a prolonged moan as he slowly lifted his back off the ground, rubbing the side of his head in the process to alleviate some of the pain.

He blinked a few more times, his vision becoming more clear each time. He raised his eyebrows and tensed up as he was presented with the sight in front of him. Himself. 

His clone had already sat up in a similar fashion but stared at him with wide eyes, and a tightly clenched mouth. His glasses rested crooked on his nose and flakes of snow slowly began to melt in his hair. They both said nothing.

Feeling a warm liquid trickle down his hand and a part of his ear, he slowly moved his hand away and managed to break eye contact with himself to see what he suspected. Blood. But not just that. His whole hand was also incredibly pale. A couple shades lighter than the clone that sat in front of him. By investigating further he noticed the sleeve of his jacket was definitely not the same color as his clone’s. He grew more and more frantic, grabbing onto himself and coming to the conclusion that he was no longer himself anymore.

His clone must have gotten the same idea, as he much more apprehensively investigated his own body but still held the same expression. 

“What did you do?” Alfred heard his own voice, but with a thick Russian accent. His tone and slow way of speaking revealed he was absolutely baffled.

“What! Who are you, dude!?” Alfred responded loudly. He definitely had his accent but not his voice.

“I’m Ivan.” He replied, very slowly moving his hands to his own throat.

“I’m Alfred! Y’know, America!?” Alfred called out.

They stared at each other in silence, their brains attempting to process what exactly happened. Alfred pried his eyes off himself to look between them and saw a pile of ash in a circle of melting snow. The person who claimed to be Ivan followed his eyes to the ash pile. His face had dropped in further shock. Alfred soon followed with a much more dramatic reaction.

“Woah woah woah WOOOOOAAAAH!” He repeated, scrambling to inch backwards in the snow, away from the other. “I- NO! I did NOT plan this! This was NOT supposed to happen! I don’t-” He cut off his plea, as the throbbing feeling in his head came back. He quickly applied pressure with his bloodied hand to ease it.

Ivan slowly stood up, wobbling ever so slightly as he brought himself to his feet. He was far more composed than the other but still held the same expression. 

“What-” He cut himself off, quickly sighing before returning to his sentence. “What am I even supposed to say?” He stared blankly into the nothingness. He had clearly figured out what had happened but was still trying to figure out what it meant exactly or what the next move would be. The look in his eyes changed as he shifted his field of vision toward the other nation who was still sitting in the snow. 

“You.” He said through clenched teeth. He moved toward Alfred, aggressively pulling the collar of his shirt and bringing their faces closer. 

“Dude, I swear! I swear, I didn't know!” The statement started out in a convincing tone but quickly shifted to aggressive. 

Alfred was incredibly annoyed that Ivan was pissed off at him for such a mistake. Well, it was his own fault after all. No. Maybe it wasn't. He didn't know that yet. Alfred would rather die than admit to all this being his fault, especially to a commie. This situation held far worse consequences than just a mistake but still, he couldn’t admit that just yet. 

The statement however, did seem to make it through to Ivan. “Get inside. Now.” He frowned, releasing the collar of the other’s shirt by throwing him back down into the snow. 

He had already begun walking away causing Alfred to quickly get up and follow his footprints to the back of the house. They both made their way to the back door, stepping over junk in the process. Jeez, Ivan’s yard was so messy. Was it just junk he had yet to take out or unfinished projects? He had no clue. But he did know it looked like shit and was annoying to trudge through. It was mostly furniture, appliances, car parts, a few boxes of god knows what scattered here and there. Fuck this guy. Alfred might as well just start kicking the shit out of his way. But as that thought came to mind, he found himself already walking through the back door. Ivan shut the door behind them, a clicking sound signaled that he had locked it.

“Give me a minute.” He demanded. Walking toward the kitchen. “I-” He started, closing his eyes and taking a shaky breath. “I need a drink.” 

Alfred truly couldn't tell if he was still in shock or was trying not to start tearing him apart. Maybe a bit of both. It was unlike him to not argue or shout back at the capitalist nation, especially when he was obviously angry at him. There were times when Alfred would cough on the other side of the room and Ivan would throw his hands down on the meeting table and get up to leave seething with rage.

Alfred took his gaze off Ivan to take in his home. Thankfully, the Russian seemed to be home alone. The house smelled. Like alcohol, dirty clothes, and cigarettes. Damn, he needed to get himself some candles in this bitch! He couldn’t identify where exactly the smell was coming from since the house was also so incredibly dim. It was still daylight outside and yet the curtains were closed, only allowing a thin line of daylight to creep through and illuminate a minesqual amount of Ivan's house. The clinking of glasses from the kitchen rang in Alfred’s ear as he scanned the room for a lamp. Did he even have electricity? A quick glance to the side did indeed show that he had a small television that was playing a Russian news station, but not playing any sound. Okay. So dude just liked the dark.  Alfred shook his head at the idea that Ivan was so rude that he wouldn't even turn on a damn light for him. He pressed his hand on the wall next to the door, feeling around for a lightswitch and only stopped when he heard a loud slam coming from the kitchen along with a few mumbled curse words.

Alfred walked in to investigate. It was roomy but cluttered with kitchen cabinets and a large rectangle table in the corner. Ivan sat with his fist on the table. His face cringing, and his mouth tightly closed. He forced himself to open it with a gasp and gave the bottle in his hand a questioning look, reading the label. 

“What the fuck?” He said to no one in particular, while clearing his throat.

The nation had managed to quickly catch on to what had happened. “Oh! That’s vodka, yeah?” He walked toward him, grabbing the bottle out of his grasp. “Yeah. I mean it makes sense that you'd have my taste buds. That's the exact reaction I have to it.” 

“Every time?” Ivan looked up at him questioningly. 

“Every time.” He repeated back.

“I almost pity you.” Ivan snarled, no hint of pity anywhere in his voice. He gave an expression of disgust as he watched Alfred take a swig from the bottle. It went down like any ordinary drink and felt just as refreshing. “You didn’t have to put your lips on my bottle. You could have asked for a glass.” 

“Dude.” Alfred looked at the other nation, not needing to explain why what he had just said was stupid. 

Ivan’s face grew slightly redder, squinting at the American with no reply. Definitely recognizing his error and upset about being made a fool in his own home. He looked away in favor of staring at the empty chair in front of him. 

“So,” He began. He took in a breath, then said nothing as he exhaled. Leaving the room silent if it weren’t for the creaks in the floorboard as Alfred shifted his weight where he stood.

A slight pain in his head reminded him of the blood that was running down his skull just moments ago. He scanned the room for a mirror, but failing to find one, opted to just jump to cleaning himself up in the kitchen sink. He placed the half full bottle of vodka that he was still holding in front of Ivan before he turned on the tap, waiting a few seconds for the water to get warm before bringing the side of his head to the running water and rubbing it away with his hands. It didn't hurt as badly as it did before and just by feeling it he could tell the bleeding had already stopped. The wound was no more than just a small gash that would easily be hidden once his hair was dry. 

Did he really hit Ivan that hard? He wouldn’t have had to hit Ivan at all though if he had just stayed still and stuck to the script by having his door unlocked and be sleeping peacefully in his bed… In the middle of the day... Maybe this plan wasn’t as well thought out as he originally assumed.

The American turned the tap off, patting the side of his head, while scanning the room for a rag, but failing to find one. “Your house is a dump.” He said rather matter of factly, a snicker leaking out toward the latter half of the statement. 

Ivan pinched the bridge of his nose clumsily as he did so since he had most likely forgotten he had glasses resting on that part of his face. “Can we discuss the matter at hand?” He blinked, pulling his hand back to readjust the glasses.

“Alright, fine.” Alfred sighed, pulling out the chair across from Ivan and taking a seat. “Like I said, this wasn't supposed to happen.”

“Well, what was supposed to happen?” He questioned.

Alfred opened his mouth to reply but stopped himself. Ivan didn’t need to know the truth did he? Surely, Ivan didn't have this new type of revolutionary technology in his country. And what kind of anti-communist would he be if he just went sharing that with a commie? 

“None of your beeswax.” He smiled and shrugged, a weak laugh escaped his mouth.

Ivan scowled at him. Even in a different body, the effect of Ivan’s cold stare that looked straight through one’s soul and could send shivers through the spine was more than apparent. The look in his glowing blue eyes was fierce and full of pure hatred and intimidation. The type of eyes one gets trapped in, unable to break away from even though the fight or flight response is begging for immediate action in order to survive. They analyzed the victim and harvested every thought from their mind. 

“Can you stop making me look so ugly?” He asked. 

“This is what you look like!” Ivan snapped, his voice picking up in pace, unable to contain his frustration yet for some reason trying so hard to do so. “I’m not going to do your American fake smile. I'm not happy.” He added. Earning an eye roll from Alfred. Somehow Ivan's words were far less intimidating than his stare.

Ivan brought his hands together on the table, squeezing them tightly. “How do we fix this?” His voice was only slightly less aggressive. 

Alfred sighed in defeat but brought his face quickly back to a closed smile. “I don’t know!” He laughed, a hint of nervousness in it. 

His laugh grew more sincere until he was genuinely laughing uncontrollably. Going as far as to rock in his chair and clap his hands together a few times. Whether he was masking the embarrassment of such a pathetic answer or actually found the situation humorous was unknown to him. 

Alfred struggled to catch his breath, he noticed Ivan still staring at him with the same expression, the grasp around his hands grew tighter until his knuckles became pale.

“Come on, man. Laugh a little!” Alfred encouraged him, slightly annoyed that he couldn't share a good laugh with someone. 

“There is nothing to laugh about.” A growl rose in his voice. “You just told me you don’t know how to solve this.” He took a big pause between the next sentences, explaining slowly as if he was talking to a toddler. “We have a meeting tomorrow. All day. Both of us need to be present. And I have a meeting with my government in a few hours.”

“A few hours!? What for?” Alfred asked, in disbelief.

“I have to meet with them beforehand to discuss how I will be presenting tomorrow. I was going to leave for tomorrow's meeting after that so I would get to the hotel by nightfall.” He further explained.

That's right. Suddenly the suit that Russia was wearing and the emptyness of his home became clear. Alfred had totally forgotten about the meeting tomorrow despite it being the conclusion of his own original plan. He made a mental note to start writing his genius ideas down for the next time. 

“Skip it.”

“No.” Ivan responded, before the other’s suggestion was entirely out his mouth. 

“Why not!? You don’t have to go. I skip out on those government meetings all the time!” He continued to tempt him like a devil. 

Meetings like that were usually boring and uneventful. No one could make the free nation of America do or say something he didn't want to, therefore pre-meeting meetings were usually pretty quick or skipped entirely. Someone would just tell him the conversation topic and who was going to be there before adding a “don’t say anything stupid” and patting his head to send him off.  

“Well, I can’t.” Ivan asserted himself, grabbing the neck of the bottle in front of him. He paused and with a sigh, loudly slid the bottle to the side. “And I can’t exactly go in like this.”

“I could go for you.” Alfred encouraged, without thinking. 

But now that he was thinking about it, being in Ivan’s body for a few meetings wouldn’t be so bad. The main plan was to gather information about the enemy and now he was the enemy and surrounded by people who would tell him things that they would never in a million years find appropriate discussing with an American. There were endless opportunities all around him to gather as much classified information as he could. The thought made him form a wicked smile on his face that he was able to quickly mask before Ivan took his view off the bottle of vodka and back on him.

“I don’t trust you.” Ivan stated bluntly.

“Ivan, I don’t think you realize,” He began, his voice a bit more hushed than before. He leaned forward in order to make what he was about to say more intimate. “I can’t let this get out either. I stole the damn thing from government testing! I’m gonna be in big trouble if they find out that I not only stole it, but that you now know the kind of technology we have!” 

It wasn’t exactly a lie. He would definitely be in quite a bit of trouble at home for this but he had to play it up a considerable amount to make it more convincing.

Ivan stared at him for a moment and opened his mouth once again. “You say nothing.” Alfred leaned back with a smirk. “You go into the meeting room, repeat the word yes, you walk out the meeting room. That's it. We'll figure out the rest after.” 

“Okay!” Alfred smiled and nodded, perhaps too excitedly. Getting the Russian to agree with any of his ideas, let alone him practically giving out permission to walk right on into his capital, was definitely an achievement. This event was one for the records indeed.

Ivan gave him an intimidating look. He put elbow on the table to point at the American as if he was scolding a child. “Do not say anything but yes. It's ‘да’ in Russian.” He reminded him.

“What if they ask me a question?” Alfred asked, tilting his head.

“They won't.”

Chapter Text

“Ah! Look at me! I’m so adorable! Even in my cute little commie outfit!” The American cooed while cupping his own face in his hands.

“Can you stop obsessing over yourself?” Ivan smacked his hands away in one swift motion. “Ever since this happened, you can’t take your eyes off me. I knew you were in love with yourself but-” With a frustrated sigh, he cut himself off.

The car ride over was uneventful. Ivan had packed a bag up with clothes and other supplies he would need for a few nights away despite the meeting only being a one day event. Alfred took that as a hint that he didn’t intend to come back to his house until the situation was resolved. A part of him expected it and was glad he wouldn’t have to spend any more time in his depressing house- no, his depressing country. 

“Do you remember how to say yes in Russian?” Ivan asked, prompting Alfred to repeat everything they had rehearsed on the car ride over.

“Даaaaa..” He exhaled unenthusiastically. The top of his head pressed firmly against the roof of Ivan's car as he sat up unnaturally straight. “Stand up straight, look forward, blank face, hands behind back,“ He attempted to put his hands behind his back but the limited amount of space made it incredibly difficult to do so and produced an awkward result. “Да.” He said, void of emotion and as deep as he could possibly make Ivan’s voice go. 

Ivan nodded in approval. “That’s good.” 

Alfred smiled and relaxed to a more natural position as he absorbed every bit of satisfaction that came with being praised.

On the car ride over Ivan had constantly reminded Alfred how to say the simple word “yes” in Russian, which made it obvious that he didn’t suspect a thing. Throughout the years, Alfred had enjoyed soaking up as much information as possible, which was why he set out on the mission in the first place. But, Alfred had already known a lot about Ivan, or at least what the history books told him. He had taken the phrase “know your enemy” to heart which inspired him to delve into learning everything he possibly could about the country including the language.

The nations were naturals at learning new languages. So, Alfred was able to become fluent in Russian fairly early in the Cold War. There was never a reason for him to speak the language out loud before so he never did. But he could definitely read and understand it when others spoke. 

He had been keeping this secret for a good few years in hopes that he could eavesdrop on Ivan's conversations on the rare occasions he was nearby. He hadn’t gathered anything interesting so far. Ivan wasn’t the most talkative person in the world and the only times he spoke Russian in front of Alfred was simply to call him an asshole under his breath. 

However, today was the big day he could finally use his secret superpower to uncover some commie secrets.

“Alfred,” 

The American snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a firm grasp on his shoulder. He turned to look at the other nation. He kept his lips tightly closed which showed no plans of continuing his sentence. It wasn’t his usual harsh stare. It had a sort of softness that Alfred couldn’t fully understand. 

“Oh c’mon, Ivan.” He dismissed the nation, attempting to shake off the other’s hand but not succeeding in the limited space. “It’ll be fine! I’m not gonna do anything. It’s far too risky for me. For us.”

A short pause passed before the Russian relaxed his grasp which allowed Alfred to open the car door. The rickety car violently shifted with every movement before settling back into place once the nation’s weight was no longer in the equation. 

“Be back soon! Don't miss me too much!” He added with a wink, before slamming the door shut which gave the car a final shake.

Alfred could feel the other nation’s eyes on him, as he walked out of view. They had parked a few blocks away from the building since the sight of Ivan stepping out of the passenger seat of his own car with a disguised driver inside would have made anyone raise an eyebrow.

Alfred whined. The capitalist nation had gotten a little too used to the luxury of parking close to a building in his own country. With a shiver he put his hands in his pockets and looked forward. His body felt so cold. He had imagined Ivan’s body would be more adjusted to the harsh temperatures but that didn’t seem to be the case. If he didn’t hate the man he’d almost pity him. It must be a miserable existence to not only live in, but represent a tundra that you weren’t built to endure. 

He shook his head to rid himself of the thought while cursing Ivan for sending him out on this trek in just a suit and a scarf.

When the building came into view his eyes sparkled with excitement. Such a luxury he had to just walk right on into it. He wasn’t sure where to look first or what exactly he was looking for but he knew he’d find it no matter what. He needed to leave with something or else this situation would just be an inconvenience rather than the fun information gathering mission that was planned from the beginning.

Alfred quickly pulled the scarf around his neck up to cover his growing grin, just in time to give a polite nod to a few guards before slipping through the entrance. It only took a few steps into the building for him to be grabbed by a few Russians and practically dragged off down the hallway. Alfred jolted at the sudden touch but before he could process, he was already pushed into a room. 

How had they immediately known he was there? Surely this had to be normal. There was no way that they already figured out who he really was. Was greeting the guards an American thing? He didn't even think about that! 

Alfred gulped in preparation as he was faced with a small group of four Russians sitting at a round table. None of which looked familiar. He flinched as the door slammed shut behind him but quickly tried to regain himself and study the scene in front of him. He couldn’t help but notice a theme of depressing rooms in this wasteland. The room was dim, just like Ivan’s home. There was a small window tightly shut and shielded by blinds that completely blocked out any sun that dared shine through. A ceiling light was on above them but was missing a bulb and the one that remained was clearly on its way out.

Alfred swallowed a bit of his pride and did what Ivan had told him to do. He stood up straight and looked forward, avoiding eye contact with the commies. Their gazes studied him intently. 

“Let’s get started.” The official on the far left said in Russian. He flipped open a folder and rummaged through the papers inside. “The meeting tomorrow doesn’t seem too important but of course that’s not permission for you to let your guard down. Especially because America is attending.”

Alfred caught himself before he sighed with relief. His cover wasn’t blown after all.

A pause in the conversation allowed another official to speak. “Germany doesn’t seem to have plans of discussing much regarding us. But that doesn’t mean he won’t pull you aside. We know he’s been asking you personally about his brother’s whereabouts. Just keep your mouth shut or better yet, avoid him. It’s none of his business.” 

His ears perked up at the new information. Ludwig sneaking around trying to get buddy buddy with Ivan was a red flag he’d have to investigate further whenever he got the chance.

“Да.” He replied calmly. Just like he had practiced.

Another Russian stood up, this one was shorter but definitely more menacing than the previous ones. “We don’t know what America will be talking about yet again. Your spies still haven't found any outlines of meetings he has. They’re starting to assume he doesn’t receive any.”

Alfred couldn’t help his eye from twitching at the revelation. Maybe it was a good thing he wasn’t writing down any of his ideas after all. He made a mental note to disregard the mental note he had made earlier. 

And what did they mean by his spies? Ivan’s personal spies? Alfred let a huff slip as he processed the thought. The Russian bastard had been spying on Alfred directly. That was personal. Far too personal for his liking.

The sound didn't go unnoticed as the one who was talking glared at him. However, he didn't say anything regarding the interruption.

He walked around the table as he continued. “We were also informed that America has already left for the meeting. But here's the interesting part,” 

The communist paused and turned to Alfred to give him an intimidating stare, albeit not as nearly intimidating as Ivan’s. He crept close enough for Alfred to feel his breath on his chest. The American resisted the urge to lean his face away and meet his eyes. 

“He didn’t take a personal jet like he usually does. He used a fake name and flew on a civilian plane straight to Moscow.”

Alfred’s breath ceased. His eyes narrowed but remained looking forward. The damn spy must have followed him all the way to the airport.

“What do you know about that?” The short man questioned. 

Damn you, Ivan! He said that they wouldn’t ask questions yet here they are asking him that!

He stammered as he tried to find a quick excuse. The dim room and closed door now completely made sense. He was no longer standing in a meeting room. It was an interrogation room.

Alfred usually wasn't a big liar. He often told what he called “half truths.” A story that would have some truth with a little “flair” added in for effect. A bit of truth being involved made the story far more believable. However, he didn’t have the skill of coming up with a convincing tale in just a few seconds' notice especially when his brain was already overwhelmed by all the new information he just discovered. The seconds in between his answer didn't go unnoticed. He had everyone in the room staring him down which added to the pressure. 

Alfred strayed from the original script but still remained in character. He moved his cold violet stare at the man in front of him, who had surely not blinked since he asked the question. 

“Seems you already know.” He growled, hoping that would leave room for interpretation and feel out the extent of what they already knew on the matter. 

“You spoke to him didn’t you?” The man further pushed, leaning in closer which left barely any gap between them.

This time Alfred did slightly lean away. “Yes. I told him to leave. He did.” He snarled. At the moment he realized his heart was racing.

He definitely wasn’t scared of these commie bastards, but something about being in Ivan’s shoes at that moment made him uneasy. Of course these commies wouldn’t treat Alfred himself like this in fear of the repercussions it meant for the countries and the world. But knowing that they treat Ivan like this was disturbing. An outline meeting was supposed to be quick and simple. It wasn’t a meeting to sweat over, that's what made them so easy to skip.

The Russian backed down, slowly pulling away and turning his back toward him. The motion made it clear to Alfred that he knew nothing more about the subject. He surely didn’t seem happy about taking the American’s word though.

“But you spoke to him.” He stiffened up.

A loud crack filled the room as a warm and harsh stinging sensation spread across Alfred's right cheek. His head was now turned in a different direction. His body remained completely composed except for the look on his face. Shock quickly turned to anger as he whipped his head back toward the screaming communist.

“You were ordered to report every interaction you have with America! And you are NOT to have unsupervised interactions with him especially in your own nation! What were you thinking!?” Spit flew out of his mouth as he continued to shout. “That should have been the first thing you said! Or you should have called immediately after it happened! You know better!”

”I was planning to re-” Alfred started to reply through gritted teeth but decided mid-sentence to drop the act entirely. “Nah, you know what fuck this!” He threw his arms in the air as he spoke English and continued to speak a mixture of both Russian and English throughout his rampage. 

He grabbed the short official's collar and threw him to the side with all his might. The sheer strength of Ivan’s body became apparent as the official stumbled into the wall. 

Alfred continued to point at the other officials one by one. “Fuck you! Fuck you! I know you havent said anything yet but fuck you too! I hate your hairline!” He turned toward the official he had just thrown, who was still fumbling in an attempt to regain himself. “And fuck you the most! You are short bro! Like really short! Grow up! Drink some milk, pathetic head ass!”

All four Russians stared at him in shock, stiffening up as he went on. Occasionally they would exchange a swift glance between each other. They had clearly never been presented with such a situation before and were unsure on how to react or how to mediate it.

He opened the door, face completely red with rage. “I’m going to do and say whatever the fuck I want at the meeting tomorrow and talk to whoever I so fucking desire! Anyone who has a problem with it can eat my dick and my ass!” And with that, he slammed the door behind him, the hinges becoming loose in the process.

“Never in my life have I ever had some random dude in my government lay a hand on me. Who the fuck was that!?” He grumbled as he stormed down the hallway and out of the building. “Fucking Ivan! It's his fault I was slapped! He didn’t say they’d do all tha-” He quickly put that mindset to an end. 

Suddenly feeling cold as he stepped back into the breeze of Moscow, he allowed himself to calm down and think. Although Alfred was annoyed with the lack of warning from Ivan, he couldn't help but feel sorrowful.

He slowed his footsteps until he came to a complete stop. A sharp breeze ripped through the air, causing his already aching cheek to sting more. If some random official would go as far as to backhand Ivan during such a simple meeting, he couldn’t imagine what the punishment would be for causing such an immature scene. A part of him wondered if he should go back and just come clean about everything. But how would that look? Imagine the Russian government finds out that Alfred F. Jones himself had personally cursed them out. That would not go over well…

His footsteps picked up again, getting lost in thought as he made his way back to the car. Sure, he hated the commie but Ivan didn’t deserve to be treated that way by the people that were supposed to care about his well being the most. An image of the unusual look Ivan had given him in the car returned to his mind. He could now identify what it was about it that made it softer. Worry. 

The weight of their current situation had just now caught up to the American.

Leaving Ivan to deal with the consequences himself with no warning would be cruel. However, that may have to be the case. Besides, if anything, Alfred had done Ivan a favor. Him slapping some sense into his officials might make them think twice before they fucked with Ivan the next time. Or perhaps that would only be the case if this were a movie. It sure felt like it sometimes.

The second he grasped the car door the autopilot he had on his body came to an end. He looked back for good measure only to come to the realization that he didn’t do anything he hoped to do while he was in the capital. Such a golden opportunity was absolutely wasted! Alfred slacked his shoulders as he mourned his dreams of swimming in endless communist secrets.

He grumbled, opening the car door, and taking a seat, being sure to avoid eye contact with Ivan who was still seated in the driver's seat and analyzing his every move.

“That was fast.” Ivan stated. Alfred was strangely comforted by the sound of his own voice even if it didn’t sound exactly like him. 

He held in a “that's what she said” joke, too dazed and bummed out to even tell an immature joke. Alfred became glad that he was sitting passenger so that the redness of his cheek would be hidden from the other nation.

Instead of pulling out of the spot his car was nuzzled into, Ivan held his right hand out over the console, palm up, and moved it in a “give me” motion.

Alfred, perhaps still not fully off autopilot, gently grasped his hand, interlacing their fingers together and tightening the grip. He couldn’t help but feel oddly comforted by the touch of a warm hand- really warm. Was his own body really that warm?

“No, you moron!” Ivan threw his hand back at him and reached out his hand again. “The paper! Give me the paper!” He repeated the motion he did earlier.

“I didn’t get one.” Alfred looked at him as he held his neglected hand to his chest.

“Wha- I always get a written outline after a meeting.” Ivan brought his hand to his face to rub his eyes. “Oh my god.. You didn't go to the meeting, did you?”

“I did! They just didn't give me one!” Alfred pleaded. 

It was the truth after all. If he had known he was supposed to get a paper he probably would have demanded it before returning to Ivan empty handed.

The last thing Alfred wanted was for Ivan to catch on that something had happened. The two were in a vulnerable situation and it was better to build trust rather than shatter it within the first few hours. And clearly Ivan had a small amount of remaining trust in Alfred to let him go to a meeting in his place.

Ivan gave the American a suspicious glare and leaned over to the passenger seat to investigate whether he was telling the truth about the outline.

“Bro! No!” Alfred attempted several times to push him away but to no avail. 

Ivan patted Alfred down. His hands unpredictably and quickly went into every pocket, curve, anywhere you could possibly hide a piece of paper.

“It's my body! I can touch it however I want!” He snapped, getting annoyed by Alfred’s refusal to cooperate. 

“No bro! That's not how it works, you're touching me right now!” His voice became more aggressive as he spoke. “I’m really not in the FUCKING mood, Ivan!” 

The Russian let out a breath as he slumped back into his own seat. He didn’t appear taken aback by Alfred’s sudden hostility but the message got through regardless. 

“What did they say then?”

“They said that Germany's hosting and this meeting is practically USELESS but my dumb ass has to go anyway cause America is gonna be there. They know he already left because my spy watched him leave his country.” He shook his head, managing to confuse himself by speaking in third person. 

How many times was he going to be interrogated in one day? It was draining to always answer questions. However, now he had the power to host an interrogation of his own.

“So you have a spy on me, huh?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms. He grinned as he anticipated the answer.

The gears in Ivan’s head visibly turned as he stared quizzically at Alfred. “They told you that?”

“Yes, dude! Oh my god! You’re so annoying! How else would I know that!?” The American unfolded his arms, and slouched back in his seat growing more annoyed by every question he got asked. “Big boy is so in love with me he needs a spy to watch my every move! If you’re so worried I’m gonna cheat on you, then just treat me right babe! That's all I ever wanted!”

“So you speak Russian?” Ivan pushed, ignoring the nonsense Alfred was babbling on about and immediately gaining the upper hand in their argument. 

Alfred felt his body tense up. He groaned while turning his head to look out the window, away from Ivan. Another opportunity lost. Either his luck was running out or there was something in the Russian air that was preventing him from succeeding. It must have been the commie air. 

He cringed, hearing a snicker from the other side of the car.

“I think you’re the one who's in love with me. Nobody learns a new language for just anyone, especially you.” Ivan teased while finally pulling the car out of the spot and onto the slippery road. 

A frown spread through Alfred’s face as he remained slumped over and looking out the window. Even though he could think of a billion snarky comments to fire back with, he was mentally exhausted from the day he had. 

Usually he’d make an attempt to hide such a foul mood if he was with another country but with Ivan he didn't care. He didn't deserve to be graced with good-mood-America. In fact, Ivan probably preferred the silence that came with it. He relaxed his muscles, finally taking a satisfying deep breath in the warmth of the car.

He stared at his faint reflection in the window. Dark circles stained under his eyes, he used it as confirmation that he had an exhausting day but knew full well they were already there long before he came into the picture that day. 

Every time he saw Ivan he looked absolutely exhausted. Alfred had just figured he was stressed, which he proudly took credit for in the assumption that he was the purpose. But now it seemed like such a waste that his face was tainted with stress. The man wasn’t bad looking at all but misery didn't look attractive on anyone.

He continued to stare, he hadn’t recalled ever seeing Ivan up close like that before. He knew what he looked like but he never really looked at him. Admiring wasn’t the right word for what he was doing and he sure as hell wasn’t about to admit that to himself, even in the comfort of his own thoughts.

He suddenly felt the same firm hand grasp onto his shoulder.

“Did you do what I told you to do?” Ivan asked in a low voice. Alfred didn’t have to look back to know that he held the same stare with the hint of worry he had earlier. 

His reply was no louder than a whisper. “I don’t wanna talk to you right now.” 

Thankfully there was no reply. He felt the Russian pull his hand away and they remained silent for the rest of their journey.

Chapter Text

The building was only a quick walk from the hotel the nations were staying at, as per usual. Ivan insisted that the two walked a safe distance from each other to avoid drawing the attention of any nation they happened to run into during the commute. Alfred followed behind, loudly humming a melody that Ivan couldn’t recognize. 

The added noise was a stark comparison to how he had been the day prior. After the meeting in Russia, Alfred had practically slept through the entire trip, only waking up briefly to walk from the car, to the plane, then back to a car, etc. Ivan had hoped they could discuss their situation further at some point but after seeing him nearly fall asleep standing up in the hotel lobby, he delayed it. He’ll thank himself later for letting Alfred catch up on a century’s worth of sleep for him. 

The silence on the journey spoke a thousand words and told a thousand different stories, none of which seemed to have a positive outcome. Ivan desperately wanted to believe that Alfred didn’t do anything during the meeting so badly but the lack of an outline upon his return and the sour mood that followed raised several glaring red flags. However, Ivan managed to convince himself that it was simply the intimidating and foreign atmosphere that wore on the coddled American’s fragile nerves. Whatever had happened, the fact that he made it out alive was relieving enough. He somehow managed to dodge a bullet, no, the whole KGB. And Ivan hoped that luck wouldn’t run out before the meeting was over. 

“I know you aren’t walking in like that.” A familiar voice called out behind him, interrupting his thoughts. 

Ivan slowed his pace to a stop, glancing back with an eyebrow raised.

“Stand tall! You’re the U S of freakin' A! Show some pride!” Alfred aggressively bumped shoulders with him as he caught up, prompting him to keep walking alongside him.

Ivan rolled his eyes, but sucked up his pride and straightened his posture. “Now that we’re discussing how to-“ 

“No, sir! I don’t need no lessons from you!” Alfred loudly cut him off, earning a few annoyed glances from the German citizens walking past them. “I already know how you act. You sit there looking into space and sometimes you make eye contact with me and bite your lip and moan. And that’s not a lie! You do!” 

The remark earned him a lame shove from Ivan. 

“Knock it off!” He spat, smoothing out the fabric of his suit jacket. “What I was trying to say is, there’s no way on God’s green Earth I’m letting you walk in with a resting bitch face! But luckily, I'm a great actor! So I can teach you how to behave like a true American!”

The blatant admittance disguised as a brag grasped Ivan’s full attention. Alfred was indeed a great actor. He cared immensely about his own image, so he had to be. His fake friendliness worked on everyone else but Ivan. 

If there was one person on the planet who could smile at his enemies, it was Alfred. However, when his gaze lingered on Ivan, the sparkle in his eyes would abandon him, leaving nothing but a cold emptiness that revealed his true self. He obviously hated smiling at Ivan, but did so anyways as a show for everyone else. Besides, anyone who was hostile to such a kind and charismatic nation was surely untrustworthy. At least that was the logic of Alfred and his peers. 

“Step one, smile, dude!”

Ivan smirked. He was willing to entertain the little acting lesson especially if it gave him insight on how Alfred had been coaching himself throughout the years. And unfortunately, he would need it for the meeting that was rapidly approaching with every footstep. 

He attempted to part his lips to form a toothy grin but Alfred didn’t look impressed. “You smile like a kindergartener. Smile with your eyes more.” 

Ivan was not one to take commands from a capitalist but he forced himself to do so anyways. He strained himself to smile wider and raised his eyebrows, his face growing hotter in the process. 

“Okay, now it’s less kindergartener and more serial killer.” He shook his head. “Smile with your eyes, not your eyebrows. Like this!” Alfred made the exact expression he was describing and pointed to it as if the visual aid would help. 

Ivan was taken aback by the sight of himself with Alfred’s famous Hollywood smile. He didn’t know what was more unsettling, the fact that Alfred could slip the mask on that quickly or the way he made the expression fit so naturally and seem so genuine. Ivan dropped his own expression in favor of uncomfortably leaning away. He couldn’t recall ever seeing himself like that. Sure, he’s smiled before plenty of times, but usually there was a sinisterness behind it. Regardless, he did take note of the lack of shine in his eyes. 

“Forget it. You suck. This meeting is gonna be a disaster.” Alfred shook his head with a defeated sigh. “Let’s just ditch.” 

Ivan looked to the sky as if it held the solution. The skies were clear and blue, the only reminder of the season was an occasional chilled breeze and the people walking alongside them bundled up for the weather. Overall, a nice day that they would not be enjoying in the confines of their current forms. 

“Giving up so easily? That is so unlike you.” Ivan teased, earning an exaggerated groan from the American. “We can’t skip. Remember the last time two nations didn’t show up to a meeting?”

“Yeah! I still make fun of Francis and Arthur for it!” He reminisced. “It was pretty suspicious though!” He attempted to whisper but failed. 

“Exactly. I don’t want anyone to assume we’ve slept together."

In their world, there was no such thing as a coincidence. Two rival nations skipping out on a meeting no matter how unimportant would surely spark some chaos and rumors. Perhaps even more than the possibilities that laid ahead of them in their current state. 

Ivan was suddenly reminded of his original concern and scanned the area. No nations were in sight despite the pair starting to walk up the steps of the building. 

Without thinking of the consequences, Ivan rushed to make a deal. He kept his voice hushed as he leaned into the other’s ear. “We say nothing that will seriously worsen our political relations. If we’re asked anything political, we avoid the question and talk in circles.” 

Alfred nodded. “It’s one of my many talents, baby! You, sir, have a deal!” He held out his hand to which Ivan accepted with a firm shake. 

Before Ivan could regret his choice, the doors of the building swung open leading to a fancy white entrance hall with gold accents. Apparently, Ludwig had money to show off. 

Several nations were already mingling with each other in small groups. An echo filled the room as they spoke, making it hard to focus on a single voice, let alone one’s own thoughts. It certainly wasn’t loud, but all the voices muffled together was overwhelming. 

The noise reminded Ivan that it was showtime. Begrudgingly, he brought his lips into a soft smile. It wasn’t Alfred’s signature smile, but it would have to do. 

“Oh, Al! How’s it going?” Ivan could hardly make out the soft voice until the nation was in front of him. Alfred’s brother, Matthew. 

Right out the gates and there was already an obstacle. Ivan wasn’t sure how to treat a brother, but Alfred seemed to treat him more like a friend. Which, as sad as it is, was equally unfamiliar territory to the Russian. 

“Hello, Matthew.” Too formal. “What’s up… dude?” He attempted to correct himself, remembering to force an American accent. 

He held out his hand for a greeting to which Matthew accepted and pulled him into a hug, awkwardly leaving their hands between them. They seemed to have a close relationship so it made sense that they shared a more familial greeting. So, Ivan did what he assumed the next step in their greeting would be and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. 

Matthew quickly pulled away with an expression of both concern and a hint of disgust. “Woah bud, your Alabama’s showing.” He laughed nervously. 

“Where?” Ivan asked, looking down at himself. 

“Uh huh… You may have been hanging around too many Europeans lately.” He attempted to brush it off. “Speaking of which, showing up with Ivan, huh? What’s that about?” His voice somehow became more quiet than it already was as he gestured to the nation that was greeting his siblings. 

“Oh…” He started, trying to think of a quick excuse, his cheeks starting to burn from the forced smile. The question was exactly why he didn’t want to arrive practically holding hands. “Since when are you the gossiping type? Leave that to our parents.”

“Our parents!? Since when do you call them that?” Matthew laughed awkwardly, tilting his head to the side. 

Usually, Ivan had no problem staring down these lesser nations to get them to back off, but for some reason he now felt uncomfortable doing so. He absentmindedly fiddled with his tie to avoid making eye contact but the sight of the American flag tie that Alfred insisted he wear and swore up and down he didn’t have another one, did not help to distract him at all. 

“Are you feeling alright?” Matthew asked, his polite smile dropped. 

Before Ivan could answer, an ear piercing voice interrupted them. “Everyone to the meeting room in five minutes! It's down the hall, last door on the right! Don’t make me say it again.” Ludwig ordered. 

Ivan shrugged in response, as they followed the other nations who were trickling down the hallway to the aforementioned room. It was a large lecture hall style room with a full wall of windows on the far end and a board at the front. While scanning the room, Ivan was relieved to see Alfred already seated between his two sisters. He seemed to be making small talk with Yekaterina as he let Natalya scoot closer until there was no gap left between them. Lord help them both if she found out. Forget about the KGB, she’d have both their heads on a platter. 

He scanned the tables for his card and folder that indicated his seat, mentally reminding himself multiple times he was looking for Alfred’s name and not his own. Of course the two were sat on opposite ends of the room. Ludwig was definitely smart with the seating arrangements, however, today was not the day to keep the two out of each other’s sight. 

“Took you long enough.” A grating British accent invaded his thoughts. 

“Hello to you too.” Ivan replied, less than friendly as he pulled out the chair next to him. 

“Why so disappointed, Alfred? Of course you’d be sitting next to one of your parents.” Matthew teased, taking the seat to the left of him. 

“Your parent? Oh, Alfred, I’m so flattered.” Arthur said, smiling warmly. 

Ivan raised an eyebrow. Did Alfred not refer to Arthur as his parent? He had always assumed that’s what their relationship was. He looked towards Alfred’s direction hoping to get confirmation on his mental question but he wasn’t looking his way. 

“See something you like?” A whisper assaulted his ear. 

He shook his head and turned toward the source. “Why are you teasing me so badly today?” 

Matthew always seemed like such a nice and quiet person but Ivan took notice how easily he and Alfred could be mistaken for each other when they were together. If he squinted it would have been like Alfred was next to him still throwing jabs. Pushing buttons must have run in the family. 

“What? What’s happening?” The scent of a strong cologne invaded the air before Ivan could recognize the nation attempting to join the conversation. 

“Hey, Francis, get a load of this. Alfred and Ivan showed up together and now he can’t take his eyes off him.” 

Matthew is an asshole. Good to know. 

Francis focused on Ivan as he pulled out the seat next to the Canadian. “Interesting indeed.” He winked, suddenly making Ivan feel slimy. 

“Cut it out, you two. That explains why he’s in such a mood.” Arthur patted Ivan on the back. “Don’t let them get to you, love.” 

A mood? Oh. Ivan realized his forced smile had dropped somewhere along the way. He hoped that the nations around Alfred weren’t suspicious already as well. But even if they were, they wouldn’t voice their concerns so casually.

“Alright! Quiet down!” The chatter ceased as Ludwig took a stand at the front of the room. All eyes turned to him as he neatly wrote the date on the board. “We have a lot to discuss today but first, I want to thank you all for coming.” 

Ludwig continued with his welcome speech but Ivan’s mind was elsewhere. He noticed that Arthur’s hand was still resting on his back but he didn’t know what to make of it. Perhaps his assumption that Arthur was Alfred’s parent was so jarring because they had a different type of relationship. The idea of that made Ivan shiver. If the Englishman tried anything on him, he’d immediately confess without hesitation before jumping in front of the nearest train. He had always assumed Francis and Arthur were the secret-not-so-secret couple. Apparently, there were flaws in Ivan’s observation skills. 

“ALFRED!” Ivan was practically shaken out of thought by Arthur. “Bloody hell, are you feeling alright?” 

Ludwig cleared his throat. “I said, why don’t you start for today, Alfred?” 

Ivan paused for a moment before standing. He moved to the front of the room to fill in for Ludwig, taking his time doing so to stall the inevitable ever so slightly. While wiping the sweat off the back of his neck he put on the best American smile he could muster. 

“Right, so… shit.” He looked down at his shaky hands as if expecting index cards or a script to be there. 

A few giggles were heard from the crowd and Ivan had to hold himself back from shooting the sources each a look to silence them. 

Perhaps it could still be a perfect start. Alfred did come off as if he spoke any thought that came to his mind. Although, Ivan knew his words did go through some sort of filter. What that filter was? He had no clue. Regardless, one thing was clear, the more he talked the better. Even if he wasn’t saying anything of substance. 

“As I was saying!” He raised his voice. “What’s up. It’s me, Alfred F Jones. I mean, of course. Who else would it be? I guess I don’t need an introduction, huh? Uhm… I’m here to talk about… stuff? As always. I guess…. Uhm.. Oh God…” 

He wanted nothing more than to hang his head in shame. If he didn’t hate the American he would find it easier to form some sort of respect that he was able to slip into such a difficult character so easily. 

“I’m not going to lie, I slacked and I don’t have anything prepared.” He moved his hands behind his back to hide how tense he was but his awkward stance and refusal to move after that point made that effort futile. 

“No kidding.” Arthur added, sarcastically. 

“But hey! I’m here aren’t I?” He swallowed. “Fuck it. I have nothing. Let’s skip to the Q&A portion."

Giving up so easily was embarrassing but the thought subsided as he realized Alfred would be the only one to know how quickly he folded. Upon further thought, it was a lose-lose situation. 

A voice piped up from the back of the room. Ivan was too overwhelmed to locate the source. “Forgive me if this is too personal, but will you be voting Democrat or Republican this year? It would be great for us to know.” 

Ivan thought for a second. “I- I don’t think I can te-“ He paused to think again. But that was the problem. “Fuck you, Im not telling you. That’s between me and… God? Do I believe in God?” He caught himself thinking again, somehow forgetting the country’s motto. 

His eyes shifted toward Alfred’s direction for confirmation. It was impressive that he had remained quiet for so long. He was almost in tears and clutching his mouth shut to keep himself from speaking. If Ivan hadn’t known better, he’d assume he had just been shot and was trying not to scream from the pain. 

“Any update on your opinions regarding the global warming theory?” Another voice spoke up, this one sounding nordic. 

“I don’t believe in that shit.” Ivan answered quickly, slurring his words together in the process. “Next.”

“Would you consider hosting the January meeting next year? The previous hosts keep dropping it for some reason.” 

“No, I don’t want to do that.” He answered quickly. “Next.” 

All of the sudden the casual Q&A sessions turned into a lightning round. Rushing through the questions would end his suffering sooner and luckily, he was getting used to saying the first thing that came to mind.

“A-are you sure you’re okay?” Ivan could actually process the voice this time. Arthur. “You seem off today.” 

“Shut up. Next.” He realized the smile had faded at some point but he couldn’t have brought it back if he tried. 

Another recognizable voice spoke up. “How many nuclear weapons do you currently have in your possession?” 

“Tw-“ He instantly shoved a hand over his mouth before the rest of the number was blurted out. He scowled as he looked toward the direction of the voice. 

“Huh? Two? Twenty?” Alfred innocently cocked his head to the side. “A little low either way don’t you think?” His Russian accent wasn’t perfect but it was damn convincing paired with Ivan’s actual voice. 

Ivan lowered his hand. “To ask me such a thing is disrespectful.” 

“I disagree.” He shrugged. 

The air grew thick as the other nations looked on with bated breath. No one else dared to speak another word in fear that they would accidentally talk over one of the powerful nations.

“Oh! Another question that I’ve been dying to ask,” Alfred started, looking the other nation up and down and biting his lip. “You look really fucking good today.” 

Almost all of the soviets moved in unison, focusing their eyes anywhere that wasn’t Alfred like children that knew they were in trouble. The rest of the room exchanged confused glances with each other. 

Natalya slapped Alfred’s arm, a hint of fury in her eyes as she attempted to stay composed. “That wasn’t a question.” 

“Oh, it wasn’t? Sorry.” He shrugged, letting the empty apology slide out of his mouth with ease. 

Ivan clenched his fist. He didn’t understand the game Alfred was playing and he didn’t have time to dissect it. But one thing was clear: he was in a great position to make him look foolish as well. 

“Thanks for the compliment, but I’m taken.” A smile came so much easier to him. 

“No, you’re not.” Alfred quickly dismissed it, tensing up ever so slightly.

“Why not? You said it yourself, I look really fucking good! You’re not the only one with great taste.” He crossed his arms and his stance finally shifted into something a little more natual. 

He took notice of Matthew leaning into Arthur’s ear. Usually for Ivan, a stern glare would put an end to blatant gossip right in front of him but Matthew didn’t stop in his tracks even when their eyes met. 

“You have something to say?” Ivan asked.

The Canadian’s eyes widened at the sudden attention. “W-what’s happening?” He looked between Ivan and Alfred before focusing his eyes back on the nation at the front of the room. Ivan had to strain to make out his words. “Who are you dating?” 

He scanned the room, looking for the most believable nation but also the one that would cause the biggest uproar. He locked eyes with Arthur. It could be believable. And it would cause a bit of chaos if everyone else had the same assumption of their relationship that Ivan did. 

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he couldn’t bring himself to say the name. He sabotaged himself by thinking, yet again. 

“Not dating. Married. Married to my work of course.” His speech slowed at the realization he backed down from a challenge. Arthur seemed to have breathed a sigh of relief at the answer. 

“That’s what we call it, now?” Alfred pressed, excitedly waiting for the next response. 

Everything within him told him to just end the argument there and walk away. But he just couldn’t back down. He couldn’t give him the satisfaction of winning. Not in front of the other nations at least. Their presence was surely felt but, like always, the more the arguing went on the more they faded into obscurity. The less they mattered. 

“How else could I measure up to a great nation like yourself? You have me putting a lot of work in.” 

“HA!” Alfred seemed to forget who he was supposed to be for a moment. Natalya and the other soviets jumped at the loud noise. As fast as he slipped out of the forced accent, he slipped right back in. “Damn right I do! But you could never reach the high standard of my country!” 

Ivan felt his feet pulling him over to where Alfred sat. “I’m better than you. In every way you can possibly think.” He slammed his hands on the table and leaned in to meet his eyes. 

Perhaps both of them forgot who they were. But Ivan was quickly brought back from the haze once he met his sister’s eyes, who was clinging to Alfred defensively. 

“In every way? Goodness...” A devilish smirk spread throughout his face. 

Ivan raised an eyebrow before coming to the realization that he had lost whatever game Alfred was playing. Alfred had him right where he wanted him. Suddenly the room opened up again and every nation that wasn’t in his direct line of vision was present once more. 

“Well, you heard it here first, folks! Who am I to argue?” Alfred announced. “Better than me in every way.” He repeated, surely he’d cling to that statement for a while. 

“Heaven’s sake, can we stop with the dick measuring competition!? It always comes back to that with you two! You haven’t been this bad for a while.” Arthur scolded both of them but his eyes were fixated on who he thought was his son- or brother- or friend- ah, who knows. 

Ludwig rose from his seat. “I apologize for not stopping this sooner. I assumed they would sort it out quickly.”

A few nations groaned at the ridiculousness of that assumption. 

Ivan hated what Alfred did to him. He would drag him down to his level and make him act so immature. It was humiliating yet so addicting. Once they started there was no stopping it. 

“Alfred, please take a seat.” Ludwig insisted, trying his best to make his words sound kind but failing miserably. 

It took a moment for Ivan to realize Ludwig was talking to him. With a nod, he turned to make his way back to his assigned seat. He ignored his counterpart who was bouncing with excitement despite the confused stare from Natalya. 

“But seriously,” Francis, of all people, rose his voice. “I’m with Arthur. You two are always comparing dicks but too afraid to just show each other. It’s frustrating for all of us.” 

“Francis.” Arthur warned through gritted teeth. “That’s not what I said.” He attempted to keep the conversation hushed but he whole room had heard him clearly. 

Francis shrugged, unphased by the unspoken threat in Arthur’s eyes. “Why don’t you two just compare? If you’re so convinced, you can put an end to all this arguing. I can be the judge if you would like!” 

Ivan had pulled out his chair but didn’t sit yet. He paused, thinking about what the crazy pervert was suggesting. “Why don’t we?” And yet there he was, dragged back into Alfred’s childish games like some sort of drug addict. 

“Yeah! We shou-“ Alfred’s mouth dropped. He must have realized why Ivan was so confident. 

Ludwig, who was now standing at the front of the room, attempted to put an end to their ever escalating arguing. “This is over! You two are done speaking! Sit down and shut up! We have a time limit!” 

Ivan ignored him. “Come with me.” His eyes didn’t leave the American’s, as he mentally celebrated the success of making him go white. 

“Oh! They’re actually going to do it!” Francis commented, sounding a little too giddy. “Guess I have some judging to do!” As he began to stand, Arthur forced him back down in his seat, making no effort to be gentle. 

“What the fuck is happening!?” Matthew even verbalized his confusion. 

Natalya looked up at Alfred as he gently wriggled himself out of her grasp. They both headed toward the door with no added words. The room behind them erupted once they had stepped out the door. They even heard a few bets being placed before the door slammed shut. The squeaks of their shoes against the marble floor echoed through the halls as they rushed to find the closest bathroom. With every step they naturally picked up the pace until they had eventually broken out into a sprint. 

“Yeah! You better run, bitch!” Alfred called out from behind the other nation. 

Ivan ignored him as he continued to run until he finally saw the door to a bathroom. His hand latched onto the door handle and began to push it open. He felt a large mass knock into him from behind, forcing him into the dimly lit room and temporarily knocking the wind out of him. 

“You looked! You fucking looked! You dick! I fucking hate your guts!” Alfred shouted, pressing both his hands against Ivan’s chest to pin him against the wall. “You asshole! You held my face up earlier so I wouldn’t look! You’re such a hypocrite! When did you even find time to do that!?” 

Ignoring Alfred’s projecting, Ivan took the moment to allow himself to catch his breath. Finally being out of the spotlight was just enough to calm his nerves, even with Alfred frantically coming up with excuses in front of him.

“For the record, I’m a grower not a shower! So yeah. You think you know but you actually don’t!” Alfred was still ranting when Ivan tuned back into what he was saying. 

Ivan chuckled and turned to an imaginary person. “He’s a grower not a shower.” 

“It’s true! I’m not even lying!” He pulled his hands off Ivan’s chest and onto his own belt.

“No.” Ivan said, sternly as he grabbed his wrists. “We’re not doing that.” 

“Yes we are! This is why we’re here right!?” He attempted to shimmy out of the grasp. 

“Listen,” Ivan paused. He continued when Alfred looked down to meet his eyes. “I got us in here to regroup.” 

Alfred rolled his eyes but took a step back. Silence filled the air much to Ivan’s content. He stepped further into the cramped room to turn on the nearest faucet and splash water in his face. He had still forgotten he had glasses on and took them off to wipe them clean before resting them back on his face. 

“I thought we made a deal this morning.” He finally broke the silence. 

“You were struggling.” Alfred stated, bluntly. “I’m not stupid, Ivan. I did that to help. You were making me look bad.” 

“And your solution was to ask me for my nuke count and flirt with me?” Ivan huffed. 

“It did get you to loosen up didn’t it?” 

As much as he wanted to dismiss the other’s words as pointless rambling, it was true. They seemed to mirror each other when they argued, desperately attempting to match the other’s energy but still trying to one up each other. Alfred once again knew exactly what buttons to push and Ivan hated just how smart it made him seem. 

Alfred shrugged when Ivan didn’t reply. “I don’t think making you look gay is detrimental to our political relations. If you take that as a threat, that’s a you problem.” 

It wasn’t even worth arguing. He rubbed his temple to ease the headache that was forming. His silence earned a victorious giggle from Alfred who turned to join Ivan at the sink. 

“You had the right idea with the not thinking thing.” Alfred admitted. 

Ivan tensed up at the sudden touch of fingers running through his hair but didn’t move. “It was going well until you-“ 

“Hey hey hey! I never said it was going well! Because it wasn’t! I just said you had the right idea.” 

If this was his attempt at a backhanded compliment, it wasn’t working. Ivan looked in the mirror to see Alfred next to him, smiling as he continued to comb his hair with his fingers. He didn’t say anything since he was too focused on making himself look more presentable. 

Ivan let out a sigh. The day wasn’t over. The meeting wasn’t over, hell it just barely started. They had to go back. The two of them going to the bathroom to supposedly compare dicks and then ditching for the rest of the day? Rumors and assumptions would spread like wildfire if they hadn’t already. He hated to admit it, but Alfred was right. They should have skipped this meeting. 

Alfred seemed to be on the same train of thought for once. “Ready to go back? I still need to speak.” 

Ivan stood up straight, running a hand through his hair, wrecking the work Alfred had just done. “I think you have spoken enough.” 

“Oh honey, I haven’t gotten started.” Alfred winked. “Forget the acting by the way. You suck ass. Just be you.” 

Ivan frowned, fully regretting his deal with the devil. 

Chapter Text

The room roared with discussion that had threatened to burst the door off its hinges in a failed attempt to contain the noise. Before that could happen the door was eerily pushed open, bringing the room to a deafening silence as the two nations returned and went their seperate ways. All eyes were immediately drawn to them, their expressions seem startled as if two strangers walked into a country-only meeting while they were discussing a very intimate world altering plan. 

Alfred wasn’t threatened by the attention. He took his seat with no added words as did his counterpart. The only noise being the clacks of their shoes on the floor and the shifting of fabric as they moved. Silence lingered a moment longer before it became apparent neither nation had anything to say.

Thankfully, Ludwig called everyone's attention back to the front, still clearly miffed that he was forced to call a brief recess when he couldn’t calm the crowd during their absence.

The speakers came and went as the hours dragged on. Some arguments were started and quickly dissolved like normally but none of which could ever compete with the altercations Ivan and Alfred shared. The tense air from earlier never did seem to dissipate.

Alfred couldn’t recall a single word that was said throughout the meeting and just by glancing at Ivan, he could tell it was the same for him. He stared off into space with a scowl like he usually does. Arthur had attempted to comfort him at some point but as soon as his hand was placed on his shoulder Ivan rejected it with an aggressive jerk of his arm and eyes that warned the other nation not to do it again.

After that, the nations near Ivan shifted uncomfortably in their seats and tugged at their collars as if the aura coming off of him was causing them to choke. Alfred noticed the nations around himself acted in a similar manner but he didn’t know what to make of it. Natalya remained pressed up against him. Instead of clinging to his arm like she had before, she kept her hands folded on the table. Ever so often she would look across the room and tighten her grip. Her long blonde hair shielded her eyes from Alfred’s perspective but he didn’t have to see to know she was staring daggers.

“And finally, Ivan,” Ludwig spoke, taking a deep breath in preparation. Clearly, he had no hope for a peaceful ending. “Please stand at the front.”

Alfred did what he was told with a nod, hiding the slight amusement he had that he was able to tune out the past couple hours with ease.

He wanted to avoid Ivan’s eyes as much as possible but he found himself unable to look away once he locked on. 

Ivan’s performance earlier had been painful to say the least. It was all the things Alfred wasn’t. Hostile, awkward, unapproachable, the list went on. If he was actually trying, then he should be embarrassed. Though, luckily, Alfred was able to come to the rescue and rope him back in. However, Ivan didn’t seem as thankful as he expected him to be. 

It was shocking that Ivan had the gall to be upset. Alfred had thrown him so many bones that flew right over his head until the thought became irresistible and he bit down himself. However, just for the comment of the day “I’m better than you in every way you can possibly think” Alfred would go easy on him and reject the idea of immediately starting a karaoke session in front of the world. 

He had something far more entertaining planned that Ivan could even enjoy.

“I’m sure we’re all sick of this boring meeting bullshit. So, why don’t we play a game instead?” He stuck with the accent but let his own raw thoughts spill out. 

The room in front of him shared a quizzical look with one another. The air somehow grew even thicker in the process.

“Let's play two truths, one lie! I say three statements and ya’ll gotta guess which one is the lie!” 

“This is no time for games.” Ivan warned. Alfred could tell what he really wanted to say. Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

“But Alfred, I thought you loved games! Everyones right about you, you do seem off today.” His eyes formed a challenge that he knew the other nation wouldn’t be able to resist.

Ivan had gotten the message. Round two has begun.

“Okay!” Alfred started, trying his best not to smile too wide. Instead he expressed his energy elsewhere, swaying and moving his hands as he spoke. Like a businessman presenting a pitch for the sale of a lifetime. “Number one, I have a big fuck off nose.”

Ivan’s jaw dropped causing Alfred to struggle not to laugh.

“That’s true!” Feliciano beamed from somewhere in the back of the room.

The Russian’s head whipped around to the other nation who jumped at the sudden movement. Natalya did the same, clawing at the table to hold her back from lunging at the poor Italian.

“W-What!? Look at him!” Feliciano attempted to reason, earning a threatening look from Ivan and his sister. 

Ludwig, who was sitting beside him, didn’t intervene. He kept his eyes closed, desperately trying to escape the situation but twitching every time someone spoke. 

Alfred knew he had to pick up the pace before he lost his patience. “Number two,” He held up two fingers. “I drive a brand new Camaro.” 

Despite the worry still looming in the crowd, a few more nations joined in by shaking their heads or quietly discussing their theories regarding the statement. Ivan simply rolled his eyes in response. It clearly didn't hit as hard as the first statement but it didn't have to.

“Number three,” He paused to let the anticipation build, holding up three fingers. “Alfred has a bigger dick than me.” 

The whole room groaned with disappointment as all hope for a casual game vanished back into the thick air. All except the soviets who either hid their face in their hands or exchanged horrified looks with each other, being careful not to make a sound as they did so. They all seemed like they wanted to run but were completely powerless to do so. Alfred found it odd but he was only willing to focus on one specific soviet at that moment.

Ivan could only close his eyes and take a deep breath. He tightly held his hands together, possibly praying that when he opened his eyes he would be himself again or he could choke out the nation at the front of the room with no lasting consequences. At that specific moment, it was more likely the latter. 

“It always comes back to that. Always.” Arthur grumbled, hesitantly reaching a hand out to comfort Ivan but stopping himself. “Wait, what did he say?” 

Alfred shrugged, hiding his growing smile behind the scarf around his neck. “I said what I said.” 

“I don’t understand. Why are you upset then?” Arthur turned his attention back to the nation next to him who slumped in his seat trying to escape the attention.

Just when Alfred thought he wasn’t going to reply, Ivan let out a long exhale. “He’s mocking me, Arthur.” He returned the same challenging look from earlier. “It was about time he upgraded his shitty car.”

Bingo. 

“Ever the humble one, Alfred? You don't have to lie for my sake. I'm not embarrassed.” He let himself make his way over to Ivan’s table, resting his forearms on it to lean closer to his counterpart. “Everyone knows I wouldn't just go out and buy an American car! My savings are rapidly diminishing and those American cars aren't even allowed in my country!”

“Who do you think signed the paperwork? A favor for a dear friend of mine. That poor Lada was on its way out. You never were too great with money either were you?” He continued to stand his ground. “Also, don’t be so harsh on yourself. Your nose isn’t that big.” 

“Apparently, neither is my cock! We both saw it!” Alfred replied loudly, getting a powerful high from the adrenaline rushing through his veins. 

A few nation's faces violently contorted in disgust upon hearing the word “cock” come out of the Russian’s mouth. As they should. Alfred had to stop himself from shivering as well. Instead, he kept his eyes glued to Ivan’s. The centimeters between their eyes became the battleground for all out war with sparks of blue and violet electricity sparring for dominance. They mentally exchanged threats, insults, and just about everything shy of jumping across the table to turn it physical. An unstoppable force had met an immovable object as it already had many times in the past couple decades.

“You actually did it.” Francis’ face lit up while Matthew’s went pale. They spoke the words in unison, however the Canadian’s whisper seemed more accidental.

Arthur desperately looked around the room for help until Ludwig was in his range of vision. “You’re just going to let them do this again!? Stop them!”

“What do you want me to do!?” Ludwig spat back, all the frustration he was trying so desperately to hold in violently bursted out at the innocent Englishman’s expense and several other nations who flinched at his outburst. “They won’t listen to me no matter what I say! They always just do what they want!” 

Arthur opened his mouth to retaliate but Alfred seized the opportunity instead. “I find it very rude of you to interrupt me. I’ve been patiently waiting for my turn to speak this entire meeting.” He pouted and lifted his head towards the German’s direction. “Don’t you want to hear what I have to say?” 

Ludwig swallowed, finding a hidden meaning in those words. “Just don’t kill each other.”

“Are you serious, Ludwig!? What's gotten into you!?” Arthur whipped his head back to discipline who he assumed to be Ivan and mediate the situation himself but instead, tensed up when their eyes met.

“Don’t be disrespectful, Arthur. You will regret it.” 

The Englishman cleared his throat, trying to sink away from the violet set of eyes that invaded his personal space. “Apologies, but if you could talk about something of substance, that would be great.”

Alfred broke the gaze by standing up, pleased that he was able to make the Englishman cower in fear but also feeling a little guilty. However, he wouldn't let it effect him.

“Anyways, number two was the lie! Congrats, everyone!” He raised his voice, continuing to animate himself as he spoke. “Now it’s your turn, Alfred! Give us two truths and one lie.”

Ivan stared at him blankly and didn’t reply. Alfred didn’t know what to make of his expression but that was nothing new.

“You have been so kind to let me interrupt your time, it would only be fair to allow you the same luxury.” He explained, to fill the silence.

Ivan sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. When he once again fumbled on the glasses, he removed them and threw them carelessly across the table. “Oh Al- Ivan,” He started, quickly slipping back into the American accent that he wasn’t very good at imitating. “You’re such an… angel.” He looked up, reigniting the battle between them.

“What’s happening?” Matthew’s hushed voice was just barely audible. “I’m not the only one seeing this am I?” He looked desperately toward Francis.

Francis just grinned and rubbed the younger nation’s back in response. He looked at the scene in front of him with pride, much to Matthew’s horror. Alfred chose to ignore that side of the conversation and continued to smirk at Ivan, waiting for his response.

“Number one,” He finally began, which sent a wave of excitement through the American. “I’ve gained a couple pounds from all the junk food I eat.” 

The few nations that remained invested in the game nodded in agreement with no hesitance. Alfred eyed him up and down trying to determine the validity of that statement. He slacked his shoulders in disappointment when he recognized it was true. What a cheap shot.

“Number two, the F in my middle name stands for Freedom.” He smiled innocently, not giving the American time to get too upset about his previous claim. 

“Debatable.” Arthur added in his two cents. He crossed his arms, still avoiding the nation looming threateningly over his table. Perhaps scared that he wouldn't be able to pry himself away if he got trapped in his eyes again. 

Alfred couldn’t help but snort at Arthur's input. Luckily, it didn’t catch anyone's attention. 

“Number three,” One of his sinister smiles spread throughout his face. 

Alfred rested back onto the table in preparation. He was happy enough that Ivan actually played along but the fact that he seemed to be having a good time made the victory far more special. It was exactly what he wanted. If Ivan didn’t want to act like Alfred, then he would force him to.

“Я научился говорить по-русски, чтобы произвести впечатление на отвергнувшего меня любовника.”

The air became still as the nations turned to statues. They could barely let out a measly gasp in reaction. Alfred’s face reddened as he mentally translated the sentence. He took extra time to think over each and every word to make sure he heard them correctly. But of course he did. 

I learned how to speak Russian to impress the lover who rejected me.

It was clear as day. 

Alfred whispered so quietly that Ivan was forced to read his lips. “Fuck you.” He attempted to suppress a smile but failed. 

He simply couldn’t be mad. It wasn’t a big secret to lose and neither was it suspicious to the whole brain swapping situtation. It had already stupidly been revealed to the one person that shouldn’t have known. But on the other hand he was glad that only a small portion of the nations in the room knew what he said. In fact, that side of the room seemed to have gone pale.

“Oh my god. What the fuck is happening?” Alfred could barely make out Matthew’s panic whispering. He hid his face behind his hands and peered through his fingers like he was watching a horror movie during a particularly gorey scene. “Somethings going on with them. I swear, something isn’t right.”

“It’s love, Matthieu.” Francis sang back, seeming to be drunk off something in the air.

“No, it’s not!” The Canadian aggressively whispered back. “People in love don’t act like freaks! Those two hate each other!” 

Francis shook his head, running a hand through the other nation's blond hair. “Poor, innocent Matthieu.”

“Since when do you-?” Arthur blinked, still too dumbfounded to finish his question.

Ivan shrugged. Alfred followed along. Satisfied, he finally leaned off the table and made his way back to the front of the room hearing the murmurs behind him grow louder. But it didn't affect him. They could talk about him all they wanted, he loved the attention.

“So, what was the lie?” Feliciano managed to ask over the gossip.

“Oh yeah, bozo! You didn’t even play the game right! You said three facts!” Alfred laughed and added yet another success to his mental tally. "What? Are you stupid?"

Ivan raised a brow at the statement but then formed another sinister smile as it took a moment for Alfred to process why.

“Wait– No!” A red hue rose back up into his face. “It was a lie! It was a lie! I fucked up. The Russian was a lie guys, don’t worry about it. He said gibberish.”

But it was already too late. Ivan laughed in response. It didn’t sound like any sort of laugh Alfred would make but it was nice to hear regardless. 

Alfred cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. “Anybody else want to play?” He asked, wearing an inviting smile. 

The game between Ivan and Alfred was over. For now.

A few nations seemed suspicious but there were a few that exchanged glances with each other as if asking for permission to participate.

“Me next!” Feliciano volunteered.

To everyone’s surprise, Ludwig let the game continue far after Alfred had sat down and didn’t speak another word. The game had taken a turn into something more lighthearted rather than the one the two rival nations were playing with each other. The air slowly became easier to breathe in the process.

Alfred revelled in his victory. He would have liked it even more if the whole room came out with a smile but Alfred did take notice that his side of the room was far more quiet than the rest. If he wasn't still mentally celebrating, it would have gotten on his nerves. He looked over to Natalya for an answer who seemed to have something on her mind.

“What’s up?” He asked.

She leaned away ever so slightly at the question but quickly settled to meet his eyes. “I don’t like what he does to you.” She stated bluntly.

Alfred raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” 

She shook her head, seeming to decide whether it was okay to answer or not. “He makes you act different.” She whispered, looking away.

“Is that so?” 

He looked toward Ivan who was rolling his eyes at something Arthur was saying to him. Alfred couldn't hear what they were discussing over the noisy quarrel from the nations all over the room who were still playing. However, just by the closed smile that remained on his face he could tell that the effects of their interaction didn't wear off. 

“Natasha, don’t say things like that to him.” Yekaterina gently scolded. “She doesn’t mean it. She’s just upset about- well. The meeting.” She looked at him apologetically. 

Alfred’s eyes still remained fixated on Ivan. A smile crept back onto his face, feeling overwhelmingly high on power.

“No, it’s okay.” He shrugged. “She’s right.”

Chapter Text

The meeting had ended hours ago but it still wasn’t time for the curtains to close. Ludwig must have been feeling generous, since he rented out a floor in a local pub to surprise everyone with an early dinner. Surely, it was something that the German himself was regretting after the disaster of a meeting that day, but probably didn’t favor the idea of letting the reservation go to waste.

Ivan absentmindedly clutched at his stomach as the hunger pangs demanded his full attention. Alfred’s body was annoying to say the least, especially when it came to his appetite. He wasn’t like Ivan who learned to survive on one meal a day when necessary despite it not being too ideal.

He looked around the room to take his mind off of his discomfort for a brief moment. It was an average sized space with tables placed closely together and a large bar in the center of the room. Ludwig had again assigned the tables which seemed to mimic the iron curtain. Communists on one side of the room, NATO on the other, with everyone else scattered in between. It was smart, but far too obvious. However, Ivan couldn’t blame him. Even without the assigned tables, they would have naturally separated themselves regardless.

Any other night he would have been thankful that the American wasn’t in his clear view, but now it was nerve wracking. Ivan could just barely make out his table through the crowd and was unable to hear him through the clatter of glasses and other rowdy nations conversing with each other.

“But he loved the idea at first didn’t you, Alfred?” Francis brought his attention back to the conversation at his own table. “Even though the results weren’t to your liking. It’s unfortunate, but expected.”

Of course, he had been assigned to sit with Francis and Arthur again who had been bickering with each other about something Ivan didn’t care to pay attention to. Matthew was at his side as well, quietly looking over a menu. It seemed he had become far less talkative since the meeting had ended, which Ivan was thankful for since it meant he didn’t have to deal with gayer Alfred for the rest of the night.

“You don’t need to remind him, Francis! He’s clearly still upset about it!” Arthur scolded.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what they had been talking about the entire time. Almost everyone in the room was still talking about the meeting in some way or another. The thought made Ivan groan. 

“See!” Arthur growled at Francis who rolled his eyes in response. He turned his attention back to Ivan, softening his voice. “What would cheer you up, love? It’s painful to see you like this.”

“Maybe swapping bodies with Ivan.” He admitted truthfully. Alfred did tell him to stop acting after all. He planned to play along when needed, but refused to put any more effort than necessary into it. Plus, it seemed the nations were far more naive than he had originally assumed.

Francis nearly choked on the wine he was sipping, the contents threatening to spill when he slammed the glass on the table. “Was it really that big?” He struggled to ask through a series of coughs.

“Quit being dramatic, Alfred. You wouldn’t survive a day in his miserable life.” Arthur shook his head and turned toward the waitress who approached the table. 

Ivan looked in Alfred’s direction once again, just barely making out the messy platinum hair poking out above the other tables. Wouldn’t survive a day in his miserable life, huh? His mind brought him back to the meeting earlier that day. The way he moved freely as he spoke like it was second nature to put on a performance in front of a crowd. The way each word flowed out of his mouth with ease as if he knew exactly what to say despite him most likely coming up with everything on the spot. If anything, he seemed more comfortable in Ivan’s skin than Ivan himself ever was. 

His mind took him even further back to Moscow, after what Alfred had claimed to be a smooth meeting. His friendly exterior and fake smile completely cracked, showing Ivan his true self. He was hostile and just wanted to be left alone to brood comfortably. Right. Alfred broke within the first few hours.

He wasn’t sure how to interpret the thought anymore. But regardless, it seemed to Ivan that if all was hopeless and whatever had happened to them was permanent, then Alfred would be fine in the end. Ivan could absolutely picture the American laughing hysterically in response to hearing that type of news only to shrug it off and carry on with his life. That’s practically what he already did. The thought that both their futures laid in the imbecile’s hands was enough to make the Russian’s blood run cold.

“Alfred,” Arthur dragged his attention back to their table. Ivan was starting to loathe how quickly he adjusted to responding to that name. “Do you plan on ordering today or-?”

He looked up and noticed the waitress holding a notepad in anticipation for him to speak. Her face lit up ever so slightly when their eyes met. He quickly looked back down to scan the menu in front of him. Anything would do at that point, but he suddenly felt frozen in place being put on the spot. 

“Don’t humor us by looking at the menu. We all know you’re just going to get a cheeseburger like always.” Arthur scoffed, finding some sort of humor in that statement. 

“You know me well.“ Crisis averted. Despite that, Ivan couldn’t help but glare at Arthur. Why even ask if that were the case? The whole family seemed full of bullies. Not surprising but still irritating.

“Really? You had me fooled.” Francis interjected as the waitress gathered the menus and left. “I assumed you were on a diet.” He pointed toward the glass of water next to Ivan that he had ordered when they first sat down.

With every voice, Ivan longed for the respectful silence of his own table even more. At least the nations there knew better than to pester him with meaningless banter and question his every action.

“That's none of your beeswax.” He repeated the same response Alfred had said to him at some point.

Being on the receiving end of that statement made Ivan want to lunge across the table and strangle the other nation to death, but he couldn’t help but find the word somewhat amusing to hear from his own voice. Even that event was starting to feel like a distant memory despite it taking place the previous day. 

Luckily, Arthur dragged Francis back into an argument. Something about how it was insensitive to make comments about his weight, but Ivan couldn’t care to remember the details. How the hell could Alfred deal with this constantly? Their bickering was annoying, but Ivan could at least be glad that they were keeping themselves busy with each other. The less attention on him the better. 

He felt starved by the time the waitress came back with their plates. However, instead of diving right in, he had taken a moment to figure out how he was going to eat the damn thing. He wasn’t expecting it to be that big and messy. It looked like it would fall apart after just one bite. He resorted to his usual routine and grabbed a knife and fork to take it apart layer by layer before stacking it back together and slicing it in half. He didn’t know why he had to inspect his food before he ate it. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular, it just became a habit.

After picking up one half, he winced when some of the condiments slid down onto his hand. Normally he hated having sludge on his hands, but that was all forgotten after taking the first bite. No wonder it was Alfred’s favorite food. Either the Germans made some good burgers, or Alfred’s taste buds were adjusted to favor anything with high cholesterol. Whatever it was, he didn't care. 

The entire time he ate he could feel a pair of violet eyes directly on him. However, it wasn’t coming from the source that he had expected. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Matthew analyzing his every move. It felt strange to the Russian to be observed so blatantly but he wasn’t worried about the harmless nation as long as he didn’t talk.

That was until Matthew’s eyes moved down to his plate, back up to Ivan, then to somewhere across the room. Ivan didn’t need to follow his eyes to know where he was looking. He took the final bite and wiped his hands clean as Matthew continued to attempt to get a good view of the other nation. 

“Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?” He whispered when his eyes settled back on Ivan. 

Ivan stiffened at the accusation. It had to be a joke right? Matthew teased Alfred often, it was proven earlier in the day. There was no way he knew. Not unless he had just as a creative mind as Alfred… Which was indeed a possibility.

He met his eyes to scan him for confirmation. Matthew shivered but didn’t break the stare that was reading the inner workings of his mind. He made no effort to. He wanted whoever was in front of him to know every thought he was having. And in his eyes, there was no hint of sarcasm at all.

Matthew finally found the courage to open his mouth to speak again, but Ivan cut him off before he got the chance. They would not be having that discussion in front of the others. “Do a shot with me.” 

Before Matthew could protest, Ivan latched onto his arm to drag him up to the bar in the center of the pub. The two other nations at their table were too caught up in conversation to help him or even notice their absence in the first place. 

Ivan loosened his grip once they approached the bar and ordered two shots, only to be caught off guard when the bartender asked to see an ID. How long had it been since he was carded? He was almost flattered until he reached for his wallet and realized the card he pulled out wasn’t his own. Alfred had apparently left his ID and a few other assortments of cards and folded papers in his wallet, but was careful enough to remove any cash or credit cards. What a cheapskate. 

He prayed Alfred was of drinking age in this country and handed the ID over as Matthew hesitantly followed. The bartender nodded and after a few seconds slid two over-poured shots of vodka across the counter. They both picked one up and did a hasty cheers before downing the contents. 

Ivan slammed a fist down on the bar as the drink momentarily hijacked his nervous system. He remembered what vodka had done to him before, but was still caught off guard by just how desperately his body tried to reject the vile acid.

Matthew had a similar reaction but far more composed. He put his glass back on the bar gently with a weak groan as he forced another swallow.

Before the other nation could speak up, Ivan had ordered a second round. As he waited for the refill, he let his eyes wander toward the American to see if he had a better view from a different angle. Which he did. Alfred leaned back in his seat, seeming to be quiet but clearly unsettled for an unknown reason. Ivan didn't know what to make of it, but was glad that he wasn’t making a fool of himself like he somewhat expected. 

“Somethings going on with you two.” Matthew stated matter of factly as he followed the Russian’s field of vision. “And it's not about the meeting or whatever Francis is saying either. You’re both acting weird. Really weird. What the hell happened? Should I even be asking you?”

Ivan turned back, sliding one of the refilled shots in front of Matthew. If he didn’t already know, he would surely find out soon. But he knew. He absolutely knew. Now, Ivan just had to focus on keeping his mouth shut. He leaned closely to his face. Matthew attempted to uncomfortably back away but stopped as he found himself unable to break the menacing glare.

“I thought you were the quiet one. No more questions.” Ivan let his own thick accent overtake the sentence. He let his gaze linger for a moment before leaning away and taking his second shot. That one didn’t go down any easier. 

Speechless, Matthew scanned him up and down for further confirmation but Ivan wouldn’t give that to him. He knew. If he doubted himself, he was a fool. He parted his lips to say something but stopped. Instead, he turned to his neglected shot and swiftly downed it.

____________________

In such a loud room, the silence was starting to irritate Alfred. Ludwig had sat him at a larger table with Ivan’s sisters who sat on either side of him, as well as Tolys and Raivis for whatever reason. The latter of which seemed to look longingly at the other tables of Soviets. The tables close to them were happily conversing until one nation would spot Alfred’s gaze on them, then attempt to nonchalantly inform the others so they would quiet down. Alfred began to feel guilty looking around the room since every time his eyes accidentally landed on them, they would turn away and stiffen up as if he would not be able to see them if they remained perfectly still.

He was having so much fun during the meeting. All eyes were on him, watching him perform his greatest act of all. But now, only a few hours later, he felt like a ghost in the afterlife watching over the other nations who desperately tried to ignore him. Nobody would entertain him even for a brief moment. Every attempt he made at small talk had fallen completely flat. 

Crazy meeting today, huh? Silence. 

Any plans this weekend? A head shake.

How about the weather this week? Nothing. What kind of European didn’t pounce on the opportunity to complain about the weather!? 

He intended to take advantage of his situation, but any time he asked a question or attempted to guide the other nations into spilling something secret about Ivan, he was shot down or given a roundabout answer which promptly brought the conversation to an unsettling close.

The others continued to eat quietly in front of him but Alfred had long pushed his plate away after losing his appetite. It seemed Raivis was becoming the same way as he absentmindedly pushed around his food but again, Alfred tried not to keep his eyes on him for too long. 

He wondered if this was an everyday thing for Ivan or if it was just an isolated event. If it was the former that was pretty sad. Only more reason to dislike the Russian who not only enjoyed wallowing in his own misery, but making sure the other innocent nations drowned with him.

“Man, you guys really hate… me.” He let the thought spill out into words. The small smile he managed to hold throughout the dinner faded in the process.

He could see Tolys and Raivis attempt not to react, but the wide eyed look they briefly exchanged before fixating back on their plates, gave them away. 

“I don’t.” Natalya stated, vacantly.

“I know you don’t.” Alfred snorted, finally relieved he got a reply that wasn’t a pathetic nod. 

“We’re all just happy to see you in such a good mood.” Yekaterina attempted to explain, putting her silverware down gently. “It really is nice to see you smile.” She added, meeting his eyes with a soft smile of her own.

Alfred attempted to push aside any doubts of the validity of that claim. At least she seemed to genuinely mean what she said. He flashed her a wide smile which she quickly mirrored with excitement. 

“Will you tell us why?” She leaned toward him with interest, placing a hand on his arm but applied no pressure. 

Alfred raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

She quickly pulled away as her expression twisted to horror. “You don’t have to tell me! But it would be nice to know why you’re so happy today. Did you hear some good news?” 

Some good news? What could that mean? He searched the folders in his brain for any sort of memory or inside scoop he had, but came back with nothing. Unless she meant… No. There was no possible way that Ivan’s sweet, innocent sister was asking if he came out favorably in the supposed dick measuring competition. Admittedly, he wouldn't be too surprised if Natalya had been the one to ask, but Yekaterina would never. Unless…? 

“I didn’t tell anyone, Yekaterina.” Tolys pleaded, finally talking for the first time all day. “I promised that I wouldn’t tell anyone else!” 

“Then why does Alfred know!?” Raivis found the courage to speak as well. He spoke frantically as if he was on a rapidly depleting timer. “If you didn’t tell anyone and I didn’t tell anyone, then how does he know!? Yekaterina surely didn’t tell him!” 

“Tell anyone what? What does Alfred know?” Natalya took the words out of Alfred’s mouth as she slowly turned her head toward the two men. 

“Nothing.” Tolys quieted down once she spoke up. “It's literally impossible. We all know it makes no sense.” He mumbled to himself as he slumped into his seat shamefully in an attempt to disappear. 

Raivis turned his attention back to Alfred. “I’m sorry, Ivan, but you have to believe me! I didn’t tell anyone! Especially not Alfred!” He begged, trembling like an abused dog.

Yekaterina held her hands close to her chest as she watched the ordeal. Once a brief silence fell over the table, she shakily looked back toward Alfred with wet eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I ruined it…” 

What the fuck just happened? Which Alfred were they even talking about? Did he himself know something he shouldn’t or did Ivan slip at some point and reveal a piece of secret information? So many questions rapidly piled up in his head. He attempted to think back on everything that Ivan had said that day but he couldn’t recall a single sentence that would have the whole table in a panic. Whatever it was, he was glad Natalya seemed to be just as in the dark as himself. Alfred didn’t even know how to begin with talking her down from a violent outburst and he wasn’t sure Ivan knew either.

As much as Alfred wanted to pry, he couldn’t do it with Yekaterina on the brink of tears. He needed to give everyone, including himself, some space to breathe. Sitting at that table was absolute torture. 

“I’m going to step out real quick. It’s a little noisy in here.” He quickly made up the excuse, not caring how cold and flat it left his mouth. 

Yekaterina gave him a knowing smile as he got up and hastily walked to a set of doors that led to a balcony. As it creaked open, he was struck with a chilled puff of air. It had gotten much colder since the sun had set, as to be expected from the winter. Once again, he found himself mentally cursing Ivan for not giving him a jacket. In his frustration, he managed to kick the door shut more harshly than he intended to. 

Thankfully, due to the cold, no one was dining on the balcony. Allowing Alfred to comfortably lean over the railing as he tried to relax himself without disturbing anyone. 

His eye twitched at every sound no matter how minuscule, especially the chatter from a few civilians in the streets below, despite how hushed they spoke. Even the sounds of the wind brushing up against his sleeve was starting to get on his nerves. Perhaps there was some truth to his excuse after all, but something didn’t seem right. It didn’t make sense how he could desperately want someone to talk to him the whole evening and yet felt his temper rising with every noise. 

He shivered and stuck his hands in his pockets to keep them warm until his finger grazed something. He pulled out the object to find a lone cigarette that had probably been forgotten by Ivan at some point. Yeah, that was it. He popped it into his mouth to use both his hands to search for something to light it with. 

“Dammit.” He muffled through a closed mouth, turning his pockets inside out.

Before he could figure out what other options he had, he felt something warm grab his arm causing him to gasp, the cigarette falling to the ground in the process. He yanked himself away and took a step back, turning to see Ludwig holding a bewildered expression.

“You scared the fuck out of me! I didn’t even hear you come out!” He looked past the nation toward the door in order to reassure himself that Ludwig wasn’t some ghost that had just appeared out of thin air. “Don’t sneak up on me! I feel all tingly now!” He shivered dramatically to rid himself of the creepy sensation. 

Ludwig didn’t respond. Instead, he picked the cigarette up and handed it back to Alfred. He then retrieved a lighter from his pocket to light the end of it.

Alfred briskly took a drag, bracing for a coughing fit that never came. Instead, the smoke filled his lungs with ease. He exhaled slowly, letting the smoke spill out smoothly to be swept away by the wind.

“You’re a lifesaver, dude!” He thanked the other nation before taking another inhale. He wasn’t entirely sure how the logic in this whole brain swapping situation worked, but if he came out of it with a smoking addiction, Ivan would have hell to pay. 

“This is the part where I yell at you for slamming the door.” Ludwig surveyed the area nervously, running a hand to smooth out his blond hair. “But I can make it quick if you have an update for me.”

An update? Oh, it had to be about what that communist was talking about. Wait a second, was Ivan actually talking with Ludwig about Gilbert? He’s talked as if they have had similar conversations before but Alfred wasn’t entirely sure. 

“Oh, right. He’s doing well.” He searched his thoughts, twisting what was left of the cigarette between his fingers. He wanted to be careful with his choice of wording but nothing seemed like the correct answer. “He says he misses you and not to worry about him too much. Maybe I’ll get him to write you a letter next time.” 

“Sounds promising.” He was quiet for a brief moment before attempting to test his luck. “No updates on his location?”

Alfred took another long breath of smoke to prolong his thought process. He wanted to answer so badly, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know. “You know I can’t tell you that, Ludwig.” He looked toward him sympathetically. “Not yet.” He added. 

With a solemn nod the nation turned to start walking back toward the door. Alfred could tell he was disappointed and it was partly his fault for tempting him with the unspoken promise during the meeting. He had only done it just so he could continue tormenting Ivan, uninterrupted. He neglected to realize the weight his words carried. 

“Y’know, I can’t keep giving you these updates.” Alfred added. He only wanted to hear the reply. 

Ludwig stopped in his tracks. He raised an eyebrow at the choice of wording, but it was quickly forgotten as he favored a more somber expression. “I know… But I will appreciate them for as long as they come. Even if there isn’t much to say.” He paused, seeming lost. “I know you’re taking a risk and I am grateful. Thank you, Ivan.” 

That was all the confirmation he needed. 

“And don’t slam the door again. If you want attention, you can just ask.” Ludwig added, as the door closed behind him. The loud chatter that briefly escaped from inside ceased along with it, and Alfred was left alone with his thoughts once again. 

Ideas on how he could blackmail Ivan with that new piece of information rapidly piled up in his brain. He surely considered it for a short few seconds but he quickly tossed them aside for later. What was Ivan thinking? Those communists had him practically shaking with fear but he was still consistently disobeying their orders? And for what? He didn’t gain anything from it. 

That had to be the most baffling part. It was a kind thing to do. No, it was a morally correct thing to do. He didn’t know Ivan was capable of such selfless acts. He put a hand to his chest to feel the rhythm. Huh. The Russian did have a heart after all. 

He took one last long drag of the cigarette, savoring every second of it, before discarding it on the ground and stepping out the remaining embers.

“Alfred.”

“Yeah?” How quiet was this damn door!? The one time Alfred wanted to be alone and he's interrupted by two nations in a row. Apparently, the Russian air wasn’t the source of his bad luck, it was the Russian himself.

“No way… It is you.” The voice seemed to just barely stifle out.

At that point, Alfred had realized his mistake. Talk about bad luck. He turned slowly to meet another blond nation, frozen in place as he held onto himself for support in the cold. As ashamed as he was to be caught, he couldn’t help but smile brightly. Finally! Someone he could be comfortable around. A knight in shining armor, no, an angel sent from heaven above! 

“Mattie!” Alfred wrapped his arms around his brother who’s gasp was muffled by the embrace. His attempts to push the larger nation away only caused Alfred to squeeze harder, not allowing him to escape. “How the hell could you have possibly known!? Wait, you knew right? I didn’t just out myself?” 

The second he loosened his grip, Matthew quickly twisted himself out of his grasp and stumbled back to stand a safe distance away. 

“I-Ivan told me.” His answer only seemed more like a question.  

“What!?” Alfred screeched, the rise in his voice seeming to startle his brother. 

“No! He only told me! Well, he didn’t really tell me… He didn’t have to.” He fidgeted with his hands as he spoke. “He’s not a very good actor, is he?” 

Alfred breathed a sigh of relief. At least Ivan wasn’t going around announcing it to everyone. He could find it in his heart to forgive him if he only told Matthew. The Canadian did love his gossip here and there, but he was indeed capable of keeping a secret.

“You’re telling me.” Alfred snickered.

Matthew scanned him one last time. “Now, answer the question that I’ve been asking all day. What happened?” 

____________________

“Alfred, are you feeling alright?”

There it was again. The same question over and over again.

“Don't talk to me, bitch.” He swatted Arthur’s hand away as it extended toward him. 

Ivan would have much rather stayed at the bar by himself, but Matthew had somehow coaxed him back to the table with a round of drinks for everyone. However, Ivan had eventually taken ownership over them all when they were left untouched. He told himself that he would escape back to the bar once his drinks were done but somewhere along the way, the room began to move like a ship on rough seas. And it just so happened that Ivan got seasick easily. 

He had rolled his eyes whenever he noticed Alfred nursing his hard liquor and immediately washing his swigs down with chasers, but now it made sense. Being a lightweight was apparently a real thing. 

“Who’s a bitch?” Francis questioned, definitely finding entertainment in his state of being.

“Your bitch, bitch.” Ivan spat back, barely even comprehending what the question was.

Francis snickered at the reply before swiftly moving the glass that the Russian was holding out of reach. “That’s enough for you. Who knew you could be such an angry drunk?” 

Ivan had tightened his grip to keep it in his hands but it was already too late. It only had one sip left in it anyways but that didn’t stop Ivan from wanting it back. Before he could ridicule the Frenchman, Arthur’s voice rang in his ears again, almost causing him to keel over.

“What is your problem!? You’ve been acting like an asshole all goddamn day!” 

“Arthur, leave him alone.” Francis warned. He clearly wasn’t as offended as the Englishman. It was likely he just didn’t want Arthur to ruin the fun he was having provoking Ivan. The poor man didn’t know just how dangerous of a game he was playing. 

But Arthur didn’t take orders from the French and decided to ignore him altogether. “You’re really this upset over Ivan? Really!?” 

Ivan opened his mouth to reply but Arthur's voice faded back in and out in his mind. He had to strain to focus on the words and even then, they seemed distant and delayed like he was hearing them minutes after they were already said. 

“Boohoo, Ivan’s dick is bigger than yours! We all knew that! Not like he can use it since he’s such a creep! It’s absolutely sickening to see you brought down to his level over something so idiotic!”

Ivan managed to hoist himself up to loom over the smaller nation. “Don’t talk about him like that. You don’t know anything about me.” He wasn’t even sure who he was defending. His slurred speech hid any slip of an accent that may have happened.

Arthur stood to meet his gaze, unphased by the intimidating larger nation and moved closer until they were mere centimeters apart.

“Sit back down.” He ordered, letting each word make its impact before squeezing a hand between their chests and forcefully guiding Ivan back down to sit, causing his stomach to slosh in the process. 

Most of the nations had trickled out by then, but a few groups remained to drink and socialize. A few of which had turned their heads at the exchange. Nations loved their drama after all.

Arthur continued to scold him, his hand still hovering over his chest. However, Ivan couldn’t hear a word. Everything he was saying was distorted. His vision started to follow the same pattern as well until he felt something rise in his throat, causing him to quickly cover his mouth with his hand. Shakily, he stood back up to remove himself. Arthur must have noticed since he didn’t force him back and allowed Ivan to push him aside. 

“He really is rubbing off on you! You’re better than this, Alfred!” He could hear the words behind him.

“Arthur, let it go. He’s already in a bad mood. You’re just making it worse.” Francis said, grabbing Arthur by the arm to stop him from storming after the other nation.

“So what!? Whenever we have a bad day he’s making a joke out of us, but the one day he’s upset we have to walk on eggshells around him!?” He continued to rant. “He can’t just take out his frustrations on us! He’s not like that! That's what Ivan does!”

The further Ivan stumbled away, the more Arthur's voice mixed in with the surroundings. Everything became a blur until he found himself jolted back to reality in a tiled room. The taste of something foul lingered in his mouth. He managed to stagger to the sink to wash out the remaining taste, using his sleeve to sloppily wipe his face dry. 

As he did so, he heard the clank of the door and felt a new presence in the room. It took a few blinks before he could recognize Arthur crossing his arms like a disapproving father. 

The Englishman let out a defeated sigh and let his arms fall to his sides. His tone was far more hushed than it had been moments ago. “I won’t ask you again if you’re alright since you’re clearly annoyed by my concern.” 

Ivan didn’t reply as he watched Arthur draw nearer. He attempted to stand up straight and closed his eyes in preparation for what he thought was coming next. 

“We all have our days. I understand that.” His voice had softened so much that it didn’t sound anything like him. “We all care about you. Don’t treat us like we don't.” 

Ivan flinched when he felt him brushing the sandy blond bangs out of his face. He slowly opened his eyes but couldn’t see much since his vision remained blurry and a black mist threatened to overtake his eyesight entirely. 

However, he was able to process the amount of affection he was receiving at that moment which was overwhelming to the Russian but not exactly unwelcome. What was it he said earlier about jumping in front of a train if Arthur made a move on him? He scanned the room for the quickest escape route but had forgotten why before he could recognize anything. 

He suddenly felt himself being pulled into an embrace. Ivan didn’t have the energy to push the Englishman away, or at least that’s the excuse he wanted to use. It felt as if the amount of love the man had for Alfred was radiating off of him. It wasn’t a type of love he was used to. Not romantic, not familial, and certainly not forced at all. Something he didn’t fully understand. This hug wasn’t for Ivan, he knew that, but there was no denying how nice it felt despite how confusing it was. 

After a moment he relaxed and melted into the hug, letting Arthur struggle to hold half his weight up for him. He nuzzled his face into the other’s shoulder and clung onto the clothing on his back as if Arthur would change his mind and pull away at any moment.

Ivan had been nothing but rude to him the entire day. He constantly dismissed the things he said, told him to shut up, and ignored him altogether. Yet there he was, comforting him. It was hard for him to understand why. If it was any normal night and Ivan was at his own table, it would have been the same as it’s always been. Silence. The only ones willing to acknowledge his presence even for a brief moment being his sisters before the conversation inevitably died. But now that he was in Alfred’s shoes, he was shown concern and sympathy. Was Alfred really that special? Or was Ivan just that unbearable to be around?

“I’m sorry.” The words came out of his mouth before he even approved of them. 

Arthur hushed him and tightened his grip. 

“I’m so sorry.” He repeated, sucking in a wet breath. Just like the hug wasn’t meant for Ivan, the apology wasn’t meant for just Arthur. 

Ivan didn’t register who was the first to pull away or when Arthur retrieved a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his face.

“I’m not crying.” It was impressive that Arthur could even understand him. 

“I know you’re not.” He replied sympathetically, but with an ounce of humor hidden in his tone. 

A loud slam echoed throughout the room which caused Arthur to jump and earned a delayed reaction from Ivan who didn’t look toward the door until the other nation was already mid sentence. 

“Alfred, we were looking for you.” Matthew barged in, looking away at the scene that played out in front of him like he stumbled upon something he shouldn’t have. “Sorry Arthur, I should get him out of here.”

“I’ll come with you. He’s pretty drunk.” He strained as Ivan unknowingly leaned back onto him. 

“No!” Matthew said a little too quickly. “I mean, no, it’s alright! I don’t mind at all. He’s already caused enough trouble and I’d like to have a chat with him anyways.” 

“If you insist.” Arthur sighed, transferring the weight to Matthew. 

Ivan suddenly felt himself being led back into the dining room, a gentle hand around him to keep him from stumbling into a wall. His vision went dark and when he came back he could process that he was outside, looking at himself. That was the last he saw before he closed his eyes for good.

____________________

“Damn, Mattie, what the hell’d you give him!?” Alfred shut the door of the cab, wrapping his arms around Ivan who slumped into him. The two had to drag him in the cab after he refused to regain consciousness. 

“Four rounds of straight vodka. Five if you count the one I dared him to chug at the bar.” Matthew admitted, looking at the nation between them seemingly proud of his work. “I specifically asked for them in the tall glasses too.” 

“Are you trying to kill me!?” His yell earned a menacing glare from the cab driver but Alfred’s attention was more focused on the sudden slipperiness of his hand. 

“He’s drooling on you.” Matthew stated.

“No!” Alfred quickly formed a cup with one hand to catch the glob of drool that fell, before using his other hand to force his mouth shut and push his head back. “Don’t worry, cab driver, I saved the day! I’ll be damned if I get charged a cleaning fee.” 

They both looked at the palm full of drool, wondering how to dispose of it. Matthew shook his head when he noticed his brother’s ‘watch this, I’m about to do something stupid’ grin that was somehow still recognizable even with a different appearance. 

“Bottoms up!” He instantly regretted his action when he brought his palm to his mouth and inhaled what he had caught. He winced at the repulsive taste and texture. Like drinking cold watery slime. “Oh! That shit got a kick to it! I can get drunk off that!” He swallowed, attempting to excuse any involuntary expression of disgust he made. 

Matthew looked away before he could watch the whole scene, peeking through his fingers when he assumed it was over. “At first, I was a good 75% sure that this wasn’t some sort of prank, but now I’m 98% sure it’s not.” He admitted. Ivan was crazy, yes, but he wasn’t the same type of crazy that Alfred was.

Alfred rolled his eyes and found a spot on the other nation’s suit to wipe his hand off. It was already too late by the time he realized he had just dirtied his own suit. Whatever, he’d just send it to the dry cleaners once he got home. Inspecting the rest of his suit, it seemed to have gotten wet around the sleeves some time ago. He didn’t want to question why.

“Are you sure that there’s more?” Matthew seized the break in conversation to veer it back on topic. 

“Duh! There were a handful of other prototypes. If they do the same thing, we’re in the clear!” 

Matthew didn’t seem too satisfied with the answer, despite the American’s confidence. “And how do you expect to retrieve them? Didn’t you say you stole one from testing? How are you gonna steal another?”

Right. That part hadn’t been discussed yet. During Alfred’s explanation, Matthew was completely horrified to hear that they hadn’t discussed a solution yet. He paced back and forth as he urged Alfred to form some sort of plan. A real plan. Not half a plan or the wing-it strategy that he tended to fall back on. Alfred was somewhat amused that Matthew seemed more anxious than either of the nations affected were. While it took Alfred and Ivan under five minutes for the initial panic to fade, it took Matthew a good thirty minutes just to regulate his breathing, and still his breathing seemed unsteady. 

After the Canadian calmed down significantly, Alfred insisted that he had formed a complete foolproof plan and concluded that he would need to make a grand return to his own country. Matthew had been kind enough to offer a jet for an overnight flight to the states, and that brought them to where they were now. In a fast driving cab to a runway on the outskirts of town. 

“You’re not taking this seriously! Was your plan to walk into the capital looking like that and talking about ‘Привет comrade, give me the government secret technology please.’” He mocked. 

“Who said I was going in!?” He blurted out, without a second thought.

“So, he’s going?” Matthew looked between them, filling in the blanks. “You think he’s just gonna go in there, grab the shit, and walk out? You trust that?” 

He looked back down at the knocked out Russian. The idea of him going into his capital with all of his sensitive information and secrets sent a chill up his spine. Damn, is that what Ivan felt when he suggested the same thing? No wonder he immediately shot it down at first.

But perhaps it wasn’t an awful idea. Ivan had been surprisingly loyal. Well, not the part where he looked at his dick without asking. Disregarding that tidbit, he was indeed loyal. More loyal than Alfred had been at least. 

Despite failing to act well, it was clear he did try. He could have said anything regarding the nuke question or during the rest of the meeting, but everything he said was nothing worse than what Alfred had already said. Matthew had also claimed that he didn’t speak unless spoken to during the dinner, which was comforting to hear.

After all, Ivan let Alfred go into two meetings in his place. After the meeting in Russia, he was suspicious, yes, but he had yet to directly confront him. That had to have meant he trusted him somewhat. Perhaps it would be fair to return that trust.

Ivan’s desperation for everything to go back to normal could temporarily unite them. It was risky but there weren’t too many options for a safe solution at this point.

“Yeah, why? Got a better idea, maple man?” 

“I could go.” Matthew offered after a brief silence.

Alfred rolled his eyes. Of course things couldn’t be that easy. “No offense, but they won't let you in.”

“What if you were with me?” His eyes darted down to Ivan.

It was genius! Instead of putting his full trust into Ivan, he could only put an ounce in. What was the worst that could happen? He murders Matthew in a government building? Ivan could be a bit unhinged at times but surely he wouldn’t be stupid enough to do something crazy like that.

“When the hell did you get so smart!? Let's do it!” Alfred exclaimed, excitedly. 

A twinge of pride shone in the Canadian’s face as the cab came to a halt. A Canadian jet hummed in the distance, its white exterior barely illuminated in the night. Thankfully, they wouldn’t have to deal with the bustle of an evening airport and instead could be at ease with an instant take off from a quant runway in the middle of a random field.

“C’mon, big guy, time to go.” Alfred urged, slapping Ivan’s shoulder as the two sober nations exited the vehicle. 

When he didn’t wake, Alfred reached back in to tug at his arm. However, it seemed his efforts were futile. He was starting to get worried he drank himself to death but the pulse in his wrist eased that trouble. He didn’t know whether to blame Ivan or Matthew in the event of his death, but hopefully he wouldn’t have to plan that far ahead. Commie vodka would not be the death of the great United States. 

With a defeated sigh, he let go and leaned back into the cab to get ahold of him. The limited space in the back seat made it difficult to twist him in the correct position, but eventually he managed to get a good grasp and drag him out to carry bridal style. He strained as he lifted him. 

“You fat fuck! I hate you!” He cursed, trying to readjust his grasp as he stood.

Matthew opened his mouth to say something but chose against it. Instead, he stepped forward to take the glasses from Ivan’s face and wiped them clean with a sleeve.

“Just put them in my pocket so I don’t lose ‘em.” Alfred turned around, making his back pockets reachable since his other pockets were currently inaccessible due to the deadweight in his arms. 

Matthew shook his head. “No. The last thing I want to do is touch Ivan’s ass.” 

“Really!?” Alfred turned back around, eyes wide in disbelief. “The last thing? C’mon, you don’t actually mean that.”

“Why are you getting offended on his behalf?” Matthew raised an eyebrow, carefully placing the glasses back on the other nation’s face. “I am back down to 75% now.”

“WHAT!?” Alfred shouted loud enough to echo through the entire night. The nearest city probably heard it but the nation in his arms didn’t stir one bit. “I took a swig of his spit! And I shoved a finger up my ass to see how tight it was.”

The claim seemed to have physically struck Matthew as he stumbled a few inches backwards. “I don’t believe you!”

“Well, you shouldn’t because it’s not true. Not yet at least.” Alfred laughed, barely finishing the reply intelligibly.

Matthew shook his head. “Just get on the plane, weirdo.”

Alfred shrugged and began walking toward the aircraft, his pace slow due to the extra weight he was lugging. He glanced back at Matthew to resume their conversation but his feet were still planted next to the cab’s open door.

“You’re not coming?”

Matthew smiled apologetically which made Alfred’s stomach drop. “I still have business to do while I’m in Europe.”

Alfred squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the impact of those innocent words. “And lemme guess, I can’t talk you into canceling?” He asked hopefully, but the Canadian didn’t budge.

It was frustrating to the American. He had been suggesting cancellations the entire time and yet nobody listened to him despite how canceling would have resulted in the best possible outcome. However, Matthew had no reason to cancel other than simple kindness. He was already kind enough to lend him a private jet home so that they wouldn't have to argue with civilians around which was inevitable once Ivan woke up.

“How long will you be?” Alfred asked, an idea coming to mind. 

“Only two days. You can handle that, right?”

Alfred nodded thoughtfully. Two days. A lot could happen in two days. Everything could turn for the worst but there was also a small chance that nothing would go wrong. Alfred and Ivan getting along was laughable. So far, they had distractions and a busy schedule keeping them from killing each other, but now there was nothing other than the false promise of a foolproof plan that would be executed in two excruciating days.

Just maybe they could form some sort of alliance during that time. Testing the loyalty Ivan had was risky but Alfred wasn’t one to play safely. He had been playing with fire the entire time and he didn’t plan to stop just yet. He would have to somehow get the Russian to somewhat tolerate him and maybe even grow to like him during that time. It needed to be done so that nothing went wrong when it came time to execute the plan. It would also help distract Ivan from coming up with any plans of his own. 

Alfred smiled, hastily readjusting his grip on the heavy nation slowly slipping out of his arms. “Sounds good! See you then, Mattie!” He turned to continue his walk toward the jet as Matthew waved him off.

Alfred leaned toward the nation he was holding who would surely become the dumping ground for all of his unfiltered thoughts for the next couple hours. Conscious or not. “You better hope I don’t get bored during this flight. I am kinda curious about your asshole now.”

Chapter Text

Instead of conversing at the table, the other nation just simply closed his eyes in a desperate attempt to escape any harsh source of light that could exacerbate the pounding in his head. 

As much as Alfred wanted to get the mission started by poking the bear, he couldn’t help but pity him. Those hangovers were not fun, especially when it involved hard liquor. Instead, he settled for entertaining himself by absentmindedly fiddling with the scarf around his neck. Part of him was annoyed that he still had to wear it but he wasn’t ready to test what Ivan’s reaction would be if he took it off just yet.

He took the ends and pulled on them in opposite directions until his airways were briefly restricted. When he couldn’t hold his breath any longer, he stopped to inhale only to then do it all over again. He made an attempt to count the seconds in between and remember his previous high scores. 

“If you keep doing that, then I have no choice but to assume you like it.” Ivan spoke for the first time that day. Alfred hadn’t realized he peered through his eyes to observe him at some point. 

“Yeah, maybe I do. It feels kinda good.” He did it once more as if to test whether or not he was telling the truth and released so he could speak again. “Have you ever tried this before?”

“No.” 

“Well, buddy, I got some news for you!” 

Before Ivan could protest what the American was insinuating, he was interrupted by the server setting down several plates to fill the whole table.

Ivan wouldn’t tell him what he wanted, too focused on the pain in his skull to read tiny English words on a piece of laminated paper. So, Alfred opted for ordering half the menu. Maybe it was an excessive amount for two people but he wasn’t concerned about it. There weren’t too many people in the diner, despite it being the morning hours, so he didn’t feel bad for bombarding the staff with his excessive order.

“You’ll feel better once you eat something, trust me.” He added when he saw Ivan hesitating. “I ordered only stuff I like. So grab anything.” 

With a sigh, he gave in and slid a plate of fried eggs and another plate with toast in front of himself. Alfred took note that he chose the cheap options. The Russian must have known he was planning to save the receipt and charge him for his half later. It was true that Alfred threw his money around like an aristocrat in a strip club but he was still protective over his cash, especially when it was being wasted on treating an enemy. 

“So, Matthew will babysit me?” Ivan asked, finally acknowledging the plan. 

They had both slept through most of the long flight so Alfred waited until they were in a cab to tell his counterpart why the pair was suddenly in the United States. He wanted a witness in case Ivan went ballistic upon hearing the unfortunate news that they were stuck together for a few more days, but that didn’t happen. Alfred’s signature car salesman pitch served him well yet again! All he had to do was present the situation as a great opportunity for the both of them and Ivan ate it all up- or so that’s what he told himself. In reality, Ivan responded with a weak shrug and continued to look out the cab’s window, not focusing on anything in particular. 

“Yes! I can’t have you going into my capital and taking all my secrets!” He quickly went to correct himself. “My secrets aren’t in my capital anyway! I wouldn’t hide them there. It'd be too obvious. If you go looking, you won’t find them! So, don’t even try!” He hastily shoved some food in his mouth to stop himself from condemning himself any further.

“It’s a shame you do not trust me. I let you go to my capital alone.” If Alfred hadn’t known any better, he would have mistaken the pain in his eyes for something other than a side effect of the hangover. “And that went well, yes?” He raised an eyebrow, clearly looking for confirmation.

“Yes! It went well! I told you a billion times!” Alfred snapped, causing Ivan to clutch his skull at the sudden incline of volume. Alfred sighed, forcing himself to lower his voice just a tad. “This isn’t about trust. You would immediately raise suspicion and you know it. Mattie saw right through your shitty acting!”

Ivan hummed in response, putting an end to the conversation as he continued with his breakfast.

It was times like this that Alfred wished he could read minds. He could have if the damn device worked like it was supposed to! That plan had long been in the grave but Alfred still couldn’t help but visit the gadget graveyard to shed a single tear whenever he was reminded. 

He wasn’t like Ivan who seemed to harvest thoughts with the sheer power of a cold stare but he attempted to anyway. He put his utensils down and leaned forward to apply the pressure that would surely break him. 

Alfred’s attention immediately shifted to the unkempt state Ivan had himself in. His hair lacked any sort of volume and had an unpleasant shine to it and somehow that wasn’t even his worst offense. Alfred’s favorite tie was half undone and tightly knotted. No doubt a drunken mistake on Ivan’s part when he tried to loosen it and had eventually given up on trying to fix it. The state of his tie was only emphasized by the now unbuttoned suit jacket that most definitely still had a handprint of dried saliva somewhere on it.

To sum it up, he looked like a worn out movie protagonist who had just been through a traumatic test of character and came to Denny’s for his final meal on a casual Wednesday morning before he sacrificed himself for the greater good in the film’s suspenseful climax. Luckily, Denny’s, or any other diner in America, was all too familiar with serving those ragged types of people no matter the hour, so he blended right into their surroundings. In fact, the two of them would blend in perfectly if they broke out into a fist fight. But maybe that wasn’t the best idea to commit to. 

“Can I help you?” Ivan asked flatly, seeming unphased by Alfred’s attempt at intimidation.

“I have to say it… We really need to shower, man. Your hair is greasy as fuck.” He pointed to the nation across from him before turning his attention toward himself. “And I’m sick of wearing this suit. I feel like it’s starting to stick to me.” 

“We will shower when we get to your home.” He dismissed, refusing to take the bait for further conversation.

Alfred wasn’t a mind reader but he could tell his thoughts were elsewhere. However, Alfred also wasn’t quitter. “And what makes you think we’re going to my house? Maybe I don’t want you to know where I live.” 

“50 West Patriot Drive in Springfield. I am familiar.” He blankly named the address of the American’s Virginia home before stacking his two empty plates and sliding a new one over. “That’s where we’re going, yes? A corner lot. Bought new in 1971, one floor which is pretty popular in your country currently. Three bedrooms, two baths, a sunken living roo-“ 

“Why are you listing my floor plan!?” Alfred shouted, clutching at his vitals as if they were in danger of being cut open. 

“You knew my address.” Ivan shrugged, shifting his focus back to the strange thing he does where he dissects his food before he eats it. 

As much as he would love to counter that argument, he didn’t want to admit he had just received the information and hadn’t even taken the time to memorize the address, let alone the floor plan. Hell, Alfred didn’t even spend more than fifteen minutes at his rival's home before he was ushered out. All he had learned in that amount of time was that the place smelled funny! It wasn’t fair that Ivan would be able to freely explore the American’s home for the next few days. 

“Now that I think about it, I have no clue where my keys are. I think I left them in Germany.” He attempted to steer them toward the direction of acquiring a hotel room with a half lie. 

In the chaotic leave of the country, Alfred had completely forgotten about their luggage in the hotel room they shared. Something the hotel staff, or even Matthew, might have noticed by that point. However, Alfred was sure that his door was unlocked. And if not, a window or two. But there was no possible way for Ivan to know that.

“Your door is currently unlocked.” Ivan informed casually, not even bothering to look up from his plate to catch Alfred’s reaction. “Because out of everybody in the same neighborhood, why would someone waltz into your house?”

Alfred sunk down, feeling overwhelmed with uneasiness. Did Alfred ever say that statement out loud before? Did he even have to? How the hell did he know any of that!? He’d definitely consider locking the doors from that point on, whether he was traveling or not. He could only pray that those damn Russian spies hadn't invited themselves inside whenever he was away. 

So fine! Alfred would be gracious enough to invite the communist right into his home! It was definitely newer compared to Ivan’s and smelled a whole lot nicer too! So, he would let it slide. 

However, once they arrived, Alfred couldn’t find it in himself to brag or say much of anything. He was far too distracted by how strange it was to have the communist in his home. And even worse that he seemed familiar with the space. He hadn’t even stopped to have a look around and take in all the sights. He just went straight to the living room and started flipping through channels on the television.

If anyone could make a man uncomfortable in his own home, it would definitely be Ivan who could accomplish that with ease. Alfred had felt like a neglected guest. Not even a guest. A fly on the wall, watching himself go about his normal day as the homeowner was unaware of his presence.

“So,” Alfred began after a long while of uncomfortable silence between the two. “Are you going to make me… shower with you?” The latter half of his sentence somehow ended up escaping in a low whisper. 

He hadn’t meant to be so awkward about it, but he just couldn’t get over how Ivan could recall his home layout so confidently. And accurately no less! Everything he said was correct!

Ivan stared at him for a moment, seeming to think hard about something.

Just before Alfred could push him to hurry up and decide, he replied. “No need. Three minutes each. I’ll go first.” He matched Alfred’s whisper and stood to make his way toward the bathroom. Of course he didn’t need directions. 

Alfred sighed. Whether it was in relief or defeat, he wouldn’t waste time to ponder on it. It was no secret that both of them had gotten curious and had a little sneak peak. So what!? There were more pressing matters to attend to! Such as Alfred’s gun collection. 

Alfred, living by himself, and of course being the proud stereotypical American he was, had an assortment of pistols and shotguns laying around his home, some even being used as decorations. As soon as he heard the shower running he bolted across his house, ripping all his guns out of their designated spots, even if they hadn’t had bullets in them in years. 

They clanked together as he tossed them onto the floor of a closet. He made sure to rip some clothes off the hangers to cover the collection. Sure, it wasn’t the best hiding spot but it was the best he could do with the time limit.

While he was there, he grabbed a few pieces of clothing to put together an outfit for his counterpart, not bothering to check if anything matched. It was fine. They weren’t planning on leaving the house, so there was no reason to get all fancy. Mismatched sweatpants and a t-shirt would do the job.

Alfred kicked the closet door shut, just in time to slam the clothes he gathered into the hand outstretched from the bathroom door.

He punched the air to celebrate, proud of himself that he was able to successfully hide all his weapons within three short minutes.

His celebration came to an end once the door swung open and the two exchanged a harsh glare. Ivan held up three fingers and tapped an imaginary watch on his wrist.

“Why are we talking in code?” Alfred asked, mildly annoyed.

The only reply he got was Ivan making a zipper motion across his mouth.

Whatever. If Ivan wanted to play charades, then fine. Alfred could only assume he couldn't stand to talk or hear another voice because he was still suffering from that hangover. But come on, it was a little dramatic. 

Alfred wasted no time to have his turn in the shower. He completely intended on beating the shower speedrun highscore of three minutes, taking no time to do anything whacky. He didn’t want to think about the solo dick measuring competition he had done or else all the disappointment and blow to his ego would come rushing back. Screw the results! Monster cocks were overrated anyways! He’s seen it. He's over it. No more.

When he came back to the living room, he found that Ivan had gotten comfortable on the sofa, watching television. Alfred didn’t trust that casual look. Knowing Ivan, he had absolutely just got done doing his own private inspection of the house. Not that he needed to.. But he ignored his suspicions and plopped himself down beside him, letting out a satisfied sigh.

At first, Alfred wasn’t in favor of sitting around his house all day with his worst enemy but it was just what he needed. It was nice to just sit back and relax for a day without the worry of a public appearance. Alfred pondered if that was what it was like to be Ivan’s age. Not having the energy or will to get up and go wherever whenever and just value the relaxation rather than the crazy adventures in life. Surely, Alfred would never become a boring old man who’s bones cracked upon every physical movement. 

He was startled at the sudden reminder of Ivan’s presence when he got up and made his way to the kitchen to start rummaging through his fridge. And Alfred let him do it! Thats the fucked up part! However, he found it easy to forgive once he was handed a glass of water and a reheated slice of leftover pizza.

Alfred couldn’t believe they could remain so docile with one another. It was like they were an old married couple who had fallen out of love years ago yet stayed with each other out of convenience and the fear of being alone to the point where they had just become casual roommates who had nothing interesting to talk about anymore.

“Are you done with your little hangover yet? You’re starting to piss me off.” Alfred attempted to start a conversation, reaching his limit with the silence. 

It came to no surprise when Ivan simply shot him a warning glare as a reply. 

The situation reminded Alfred of his experience at dinner the previous night. No one would entertain him. No one wanted to talk to him. Everyone tried their best to ignore him despite his presence blatantly having a negative effect on them all.

But Ivan didn’t treat Alfred like that and vice versa. Alfred was able to make Ivan entertain him whether he liked it or not. And some of those times, Ivan clearly liked it. He assumed it was some weird sexual thing but knowing what he knows now, it was probably because he had no other source of entertainment. Or maybe it actually was some sort of teasing kink…

“Let's roughhouse.” He blurted out. He stood up and pushed the coffee table to the wall in order to make room for the activity before either of them could reject the random idea.

Ivan appeared to be dumbfounded. Perhaps he’s never done that before. He did grow up with two sisters after all. Plus, Alfred had heard the tales of medieval Europe. Any fight between nations was a fight to the death even if it was just two nerdy kids having a tussle with twigs. That might be a problem… But if Ivan knew what was good for him, he’d play nice. 

“I’m sick of playing charades! I have to fight you!” Without further warning, Alfred sent a few soft jabs at the other nation. They made a light sound upon impact but surely didn’t hurt.

Ivan made a halfhearted attempt to shield himself by bringing a defensive arm up, which Alfred immediately grabbed by the wrist. He was disappointed when he felt no retaliation.  Just a limp wrist, and not the fun kind. 

“You’re not even fighting back!”

While Ivan was still on the defense, Alfred took the opportunity to drag him by the wrists down to the floor where he wanted him. Ivan’s body was strong.. Too strong… Alfred might have to start hitting the gym after everything got cleared up and pray that Ivan wouldn’t realize just how easily he can be tossed around.

Alfred had finally gotten a response when Ivan snapped. “I don’t want to play with you! You will take it too far!”

“Nuh uh! You think I’m gonna throw a punch at myself!? Hell no!”

Despite his encouragement, the other nation still allowed Alfred to straddle him and pin him to the ground. Alfred was increasingly growing more surprised that he was getting away with manhandling the Russian. There was no possible way he could have had him in such a position just a few days ago. 

“You do realize that I am technically winning right now, right?” Ivan attempted to reason. 

“No, I’m winning! I’m just using new resources!”

It wasn’t like Alfred to give up, but he could tell that Ivan wasn’t even close to cracking with the bored expression he held on his face and the lack of any fight back whatsoever. He didn’t know what he expected when he suggested it but surely any normal day, Ivan would have pounced on the opportunity to have a physical fight with the American. Whatever was going on with him must have been serious… Was he sick!? No way they were going to have a hospital visit. Not with this country’s healthcare.

“You’re like a dead fish.” Alfred said with a sigh, letting himself lean back to set his full weight on the nation below. “Bet that’s not the first time you heard that, huh?”

He hadn’t expected Ivan to retaliate at all by that point which caused him to gasp in shock when he felt a fist drill into the side of his skull, reigniting a throbbing sensation that made him wince.

Ivan stopped himself from delivering the second blow that was already in motion. “Why did you hit me so hard?”

“I should be asking you that!“ Alfred spat back rubbing the side of his head until the pain subsided. 

Ivan attempted to sit up to inspect the wound further. “You’re fine. You’re not bleeding.” 

“I know I’m not! Shit still hurts when you whack me with a closed-fist though! What’d you expect?”

“It wouldn’t have hurt that bad if you didn’t stab me to begin with.” 

“You-!“ Alfred started, his mind rapidly searching for a way to switch the blame back on Ivan. “I wouldn’t have done that if you sat still!”

What a weak explanation. Why the hell would anybody sit still when they were getting a rod shoved in their skull? A certain word was at the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t bring himself to let it out. It was too hard to say because if he did say it, then it would only prove that he was the fool to begin with. And he simply couldn’t betray himself like that. 

Ivan sighed. “You didn’t have a plan before you came to my house, did you?” 

“I did! Well, to an extent. No plan is still a plan!” He smiled, his inner conflict being replaced with pride at just how genius the no-plan strategy that he mastered was. “How can the enemy know what my next move is if I don’t even know?” 

“I think I understand.” Before he could finish his sentence, Ivan seemed to have taken a page from Alfred’s book and found a spot in his abdomen to send a swift jab to, causing him to recoil.

The room quickly flipped as his back hit the ground with a loud thud. Alfred could make out a figure looming over him through his short-term blurry vision. He took a brief moment to thank God for carpeted floors, otherwise that would have surely done more damage than just knocking the wind out of him.

More importantly, the game was back on! Reignited by Ivan no less! 

Ivan wasn’t playing gently but he could handle it. At least he wasn’t playing as rough as he was when he delivered the hit that rattled his head. But that was what roughhousing was all about after all! What would the game be if someone didn’t get a little bit hurt in the end?

Any counterattack that Alfred attempted to make was brought to an end with a quick jab to his stomach that caused him to squeal. Ah, okay. Ivan had a weak spot. How embarrassing for him. But good to know! If he wanted to play dirty, then they could play dirty.

Alfred just needed an opening, and he knew exactly how to get it. “Ew, dude! Are you hard!?” 

Just as he predicted, Ivan stopped to look down at himself. Alfred took the opportunity to push him off, giving him a brief window to turn and attempt to stand.

Ivan’s body operated like a tank. Slow. And he definitely wasn’t as flexible. But yes, he could work with this.

Before he could stand up completely, he felt a set of hands attempting to get a good grip on him in order to drag him back down. He blindly sent a kick behind him, a wheeze telling him he successfully hit his intended target. It had given him a bit of leeway but not enough.

Scanning the room, his eyes fell on their collection of plates and cups on the coffee table. More importantly, the full glass of water that Alfred refused to drink earlier. What can he say? He doesn’t drink water! 

He stretched out to reach for the weapon and whipped himself around to chuck the contents into his attacker's face. The death grip completely retracted from him as they went to wipe the water out of his eyes. 

“Why!?” Ivan growled, not being able to figure out why rubbing a hand over his glasses was making his vision worse. “That's it. You're dead.”

Those words meant that it was time for Alfred to make his exit. Perhaps he had done too well of a job at provoking the Russian. He ran down the hall, slipping into the room he used as an office. He twisted the lock just in time to hear a pound on the door. 

“What happened? I thought you wanted to play.” A question so innocent. Like a little brother who wasn’t included in any of his older siblings' games. It would almost be cute if it hadn’t come from a grown man who was plotting a murder. 

“I am playing!” He couldn’t have Ivan assuming they were done just yet. “I just gotta make a quick phone call first! Do you know Natalya’s number? I have it somewhere around here but- Oh! Here it is!” He started flipping through whichever loose leaf papers he had laying about to make his performance sound more convincing.

The doorknob moved more frantically for a few more seconds before he heard loud footsteps rush to the other side of the house. 

Alfred seized the opportunity to sneak out of the room in favor of the bedroom right across the hall, using Ivan’s light footsteps to do it undetected. He may have operated like a tank but surprisingly, his movements were silent. 

In a matter of seconds he heard Ivan loudly sprint back, jimmying the doorknob once again before swinging the door open, and cautiously inching further into the office. 

With his back being turned, Alfred rushed behind, planning to tackle him, but the sight of a silver shine in his hands made him quickly change his plans. Instead, he redirected his hands to grab for the wrist holding the object so Ivan wouldn’t get a chance to use it. Surely he hid every weapon in the house! Not unless he found the gun closet.. But no, the object was too small to be a gun.

“What the fuck is that!?” Alfred found himself asking.

Upon further inspection it was just a butter knife that he had used to pry the door open. Still! Any type of knife was dangerous for him to be wielding. Ivan was absolutely the type to commit a murder with a butterknife! It wouldn’t be a surprising Russian news headline!

Ivan dropped the knife, much to Alfred’s relief, and fell back into the other nation as they stumbled through the doorways to the bedroom across. Alfred felt a pressure on the back of his knees causing him to fall backwards. He wrapped his arms around the other nation’s waist so both of them could tumble down and neither could have the advantage. He squirmed a bit when the wind was knocked out of him and Ivan surprised him by rolling backwards, breaking the loose lock Alfred had around his waist.

“Watch it!” Alfred yelped when a knee almost landed straight on his face. “Let’s not get too hasty! Take me out on a date first before you shove your crotch in my face!”

“We have already been to breakfast.” Ivan argued back. Interesting. Out of all the things Alfred presented, he chose to argue against that point. 

“I paid!” His attempt to sit up had quickly come to a halt when he felt the fabric around his neck constrict his breathing. 

Gasping for breath, he tried to scoot himself closer to his choker to ease some tension but unfortunately to him, he had moved himself right into his opponents arms. Literally. He felt the other nation’s limbs wrap around him at his neck. Instinctually, he had brought both his hands up in a feeble attempt to pry them off.

“Get off me!” Alfred cried out, thrashing around. Even though Ivan had him in a chokehold, he wasn’t applying enough pressure to completely restrict his breathing, allowing him to speak. Okay, maybe he did have roughhousing experience.

Ivan simply ignored him. “Business meals come out of your taxes. That’s why you kept the receipt.” The bastard even noticed that!? Nothing gets past this man! 

“Yeah, sure! Allow me to just tell the US government that I was out treating my mistress, Ivan Braginsky. I’m sure they would love to help me write that off!” 

“Your mistress.” Ivan repeated under his breath.

“Why’d you say it like that? You tryna be my main girl? No, sir. You’re not wife material.” He still scratched at the other nation to free himself but to no avail. He would have to try something different.

Ivan didn’t reply, too focused on continuing their skirmish. Eventually, Alfred had wriggled himself into a better position where he could start rolling around the bed to get the other nation off his back. The good ol’ crocodile death roll! The power move! 

Suddenly, he gasped when he no longer felt a support underneath him and plummeted to the ground, seeming to shake the whole house as a weight fell on top of him. That did nothing to hinder their duel. Jabs were still sent, clothing pulled, soft punches thrown, the complete package! 

Other than the smacks from their scuffle, another noise rang through the air. Alfred couldn't identify where the sound was coming from, but it piqued his curiosity. It had only taken a few moments longer for him to figure out that the school girl stuck in a giggle fit was none other than the Russian himself.

Alfred began to lose his focus, too busy soaking in his overall victory to entertain such a stoic person after being given the cold shoulder all day. His carelessness resulted in both his hands being pulled behind his back as his face was forcefully shoved onto the floor.

All was peaceful for a moment as laughter was replaced with panting. He turned back to see a strange look on Ivan's face. Like always, he couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking in the moment but he knew for certain he was in danger of losing him.

“What’s with the face? Never seen yourself looking submissive and breedable before?” He arched his spine seductively. “Are you turned on?”

“No. If you are trying to seduce me it will not work. Unlike you, I am not attracted to myself.”

“Why not!? You can’t be serious! If I were you I’d-“ Alfred caught himself before he could finish that statement. Ivan would surely take any of his raunchy fantasies as a threat, as well as give him insight on the things he did during the boring plane ride back.

Thankfully, Ivan didn’t seem to be concerned with whatever it was that Alfred was going to reveal. “Is your home bugged?” He stood, looking around for any sign of something suspicious.

Alfred sat up, raising an eyebrow. What an odd question. Why would his house be bugged at all? He wasn’t in trouble with his government, and even if he was, their form of punishment wouldn’t be the equivalent of taking a teenager’s bedroom door off the hinges. 

“No? I couldn’t bring you here if it was bugged, moron.” 

“Oh.” He nodded thoughtfully, seeming more at ease. 

Alfred pondered on his suspicion for a few more seconds before something clicked. “Is that why you weren’t talking to me?” 

Hypothetically, if his house was bugged only Ivan’s voice would be incriminating. But more importantly, the entire day had been based on a dumb assumption? That wasn’t just Ivan being Ivan? Or Ivan suffering from the longest hard liquor hangover to date? 

“I thought that was why you whispered to me.” 

“I whispered because you were being weird! It got all awkward!” Alfred attempted to explain his side of the miscommunication.

Ivan shook his head. “It’s always my fault.” 

“Hey! I got some ice cream in the freezer.” He quickly changed the subject. Although he was satisfied with the outcome of the evening, he was too intrigued to let Ivan slip back into his silence so easily.

“I know.” 

What a mood killer. He stood up as well in an attempt to hide his discomfort from the reply. “So, you knew that but didn’t know if my house was bugged or not?” 

“It didn’t make sense but I figured there was a slim chance that you knew your house better than I did.”

“A slim chance!?” The gall of this man! Ivan had never once stepped foot into his home. There was no possible way he had 50 West Patriot Drive’s deep lore! 

“Did you know that you have a crow living in your attic?”

“I have an attic!?” Alfred shook his head, and shoved the other nation out of his way. “Why are you like this!? Can you just shut the fuck up with your creepy bullshit and have some ice cream with me?”

Even though it had been the creepiest interaction they have had by far, Alfred couldn’t find himself to be too upset when he was still riding the high of his earlier successes. He had technically lost the round of roughhousing after getting pinned down but now that he was considering it, Ivan’s logic was starting to make sense. Yeah sure, Alfred did win. It was his body's strength after all. 

The two of them migrated to the kitchen where they both took a seat at the breakfast bar, a large tub of neapolitan ice cream in between them. Alfred wasted no time digging straight into it with his spoon, making sure to get a chunk of each flavor in one bite.

“Why are we both eating out of the carton?” Ivan questioned. “Is that not unsanitary?” 

“If you’re afraid to exchange spit with me, I’ve got some bad news for you.” He laughed nervously. Why did he even do that!? It wasn’t even funny! It was just gross! “Okay, I know we’ve both been thinking about it.” Alfred quickly attempted to change the subject before he could press for further details. 

Ivan took a wild guess at what the other was about to ask, finally digging his spoon into the container. “We are not having sex.”

“It wouldn't be wrong though, right? Like, it wouldn’t be that weird. If there was no mirror it’d be some kinky clone porn to us.” The American continued the thought in his head out loud as if Ivan had already been listening to his inner debate. “I’m not tryna fuck you, dude! I mean you are looking sexy right now, but I’m just saying!”

Ivan rolled his eyes but Alfred took notice of the very slight upturn of his lips. “I don’t think I would like that.” 

“Okay, but what if I sucked your dick? I’d be sucking my own dick! That’s nothing I haven’t tried before!” Alfred continued to present his case. 

The silence afterwards was loud. Even the noise emanating from the television they never bothered to turn off in the other room seemed far more distant than it actually was. The moment the words processed, Ivan turned his face away and stifled a laugh.

“Nah dude, what did I say!? I’m right!” The American jumped back at the sudden laugh at his expense.

“You’re an idiot.” He continued to cackle.

Alfred couldn’t help but form a huge grin on his face. He was massively pleased by the success of making Ivan genuinely laugh at one of his jokes but he couldn’t help but feel a hint of embarrassment as the realization set in that he probably admitted something he shouldn’t have and to his enemy no less. 

“Y-you’ve never tried that?” He laughed awkwardly. 

“Can’t say I haven’t thought about it.” 

“Only thought about it? You’re a liar! Everybody has tried that! If I’m wrong, I’ll go communist. I’m not even kidding.” Alfred didn’t know he could be so passionate about the topic. He couldn’t have been the only one. He just wouldn’t accept that.

Ivan playfully kicked the other nation’s leg. “Shut up.” He said, finally suppressing his laughter and shaking his head. 

“Oh, so now you smile? You didn’t have that yesterday when you needed it!” Alfred responded in a desperate attempt to take the spotlight off himself for a brief moment. 

“They just thought you were in a bad mood.” He rolled his eyes, returning his attention to his near-midnight snack.

“Mattie didn’t! He knew something was up! In fact he knew from the start when you kissed him!” Alfred paused after some more thought, identifying a concerning theme in Ivan’s actions. “Something about you and incest, man. First you’re smooching on Mattie, then he asks you who you’re dating and your eyes immediately go to Arthur.” 

“Says the one who was eyeing my sister's chest.” 

Alfred stiffened at the accusation. “That happened once and it was an accident! How did you even see that?”

“What is Arthur to you?”

It took a moment for Alfred to process the sudden shift. He was sure he’d get more than a friendly kick that time for admitting to ogling his sister.

Where did the question even come from? One would assume that with the creepy bits of information he knew, he would already know the answer to that question. Especially since it didn’t take a spy to figure it out.

“Uh. My friend.” He leaned back to gather his thoughts. “I mean, we are related but he’s my friend. We don’t always get along but y’know- He can be a jerk sometimes but that's how our family is. I know he still cares at the end of the day.”

“I do not treat my sisters like friends. Nor am I rude to them.” His expression quickly turned remorseful. “Well-”

“Well, we don’t exactly have a lot in common, do we?” Alfred cut off the thought Ivan was about to have. No chance in hell he would lose him after this long. If he let Ivan become upset, he would just put back up all the walls that Alfred had worked to tear down.

“I guess not.” He shrugged.

“Did you think we were dating or something?” 

Ivan was silent but met his eyes, a guilty grin plastered on his face.

“Ew! Why!? See what I mean!?” He attempted to shake away the nauseating feeling that threatened to consume him. “I need to make sure you don’t try smooching Mattie when he gets here. I’ll get jealous.” 

“Is that so?” Ivan responded, much to Alfred’s amusement.

This had to have been the friendliest conversation they have ever had about nothing in particular. And Ivan was actually replying! He wasn’t staying quiet and trying to end the conversation, but encouraging Alfred to continue it! Had the ticket to world peace been a good roughhousing session all along?

“Yup! Again, I’m not tryna fuck you! Not yet! We will someday, I can promise you that.” 

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” 

Was the whole magic brain swapping thingy starting to wear off? Was that why Ivan was talkative? Alfred looked down at himself, looking for an answer to his question. He didn’t feel any different. What the hell was happening?

“I was making a joke. Don’t get excited.”

A joke? Ivan was capable of telling jokes where the punchline wasn’t about Alfred being found dead in a ditch? Those weren’t jokes at all actually, even though Ivan did smile whenever he talked about it.

After he was done picking his jaw back off the ground, Alfred smiled. “Oh c'mon. You’re lying if you don’t think it’s gonna happen someday.” 

That’s where he thought the conversation would come to an end, but to his surprise it didn’t. 

“Never in a million years.” 

“A million? I was thinking twenty.” Alfred continued to test his luck by furthering the conversation. 

“Twenty is too soon.” 

“Fifty?”

“Five hundred.” 

“One hundred.” 

Alfred took the other nation's silence as an agreement. His success was short lived when he flinched at the sudden chill of something splashed on his lap. 

“NO! What are you doing!?” He jumped up in disbelief, desperately trying to figure out how to fix the situation. 

Ivan offered absolutely no help, and just simply put the lid on the container like he hadn’t just poured the top layer of melted ice cream out onto his victim. 

”Don’t disrespect me again.” He warned. Surely, it was his revenge for when Alfred threw the glass of water in his face. 

“Fuck you! I don’t have a lot of pants that fit you, goddammit!” But as quickly as his anger arose, it subsided. “Oh wait... Was that your plan all along? To get me out of my pants?” Alfred questioned, leaning into him and biting his lip, only to immediately be shoved away.

“Again, I do not get turned on by myself.” 

“Bummer.” 

And Ivan was gone again, retreating back into his silence. But Alfred was completely satisfied. They had their fun for the day. They could both rest easily.

Apparently, Alfred could push him pretty far. Farther than he had originally assumed. That would surely make tomorrow far more fun for the both of them. 

Chapter Text

The clock read only twenty minutes past the last time Ivan had managed to doze off. Even in a different country and a different body, the Russian paranoia never spared him a moment of peace. 

"Get off." He attempted to wake the other nation who was resting half on top of him. There was no more use in trying to sleep anymore since the sun had been up for a few hours. "I'm serious. Get off."

Alfred stirred for a brief moment before he settled back into place. "Oh, he's serious. I'm so scared." The sarcasm still prevalent in his mumble.

Ivan wished he could claim that the idea of sleeping in the same bed with his worst enemy wasn’t his idea, but that would be a lie. Even though he was a light sleeper, he couldn’t trust Alfred to not sneak off in the night and do God knows what. Of course, following the suggestion, Alfred pestered him with countless sex jokes and giggled himself to sleep. Everytime he had fallen quiet, he would suddenly crack up with a new quip that he swore would be the last.

Admittedly, Ivan had expected to snap by this point. However, the lack of a bugged environment and the absence of other nations somehow made it easier to tolerate the American’s antics. If there had been an audience the previous day, surely Ivan wouldn’t have hesitated to knock him out the moment he laid his hands on him. 

He wasn’t sure what the hell came over him that would have caused him to engage in a childish playfight with Alfred.The only thing he could do was blame the body he was in. Alfred had a lot of pent up energy to deal with. Certainly a symptom of being young. 

However, Ivan told himself that today would be different. He wouldn’t fall for Alfred’s blatant attempts to use him as living entertainment.

“Get off me before I piss myself.” A final warning. 

“Do it. I’m into that.” Alfred’s quick reply caught Ivan off guard. Surely, he was just looking for a reaction and not being serious… Right? The other nation let out a sharp laugh before rolling over. “Fine, you big baby. Get dressed. We’re going out today.” 

Ivan sat up quickly as if the American would change his mind. His movements slowed upon hearing the news that they would be going out in public. Of course Alfred would attempt to take away the one bit of comfort that Ivan had. He should have seen it coming.

He made his way to the bathroom to start his morning routine, still feeling a slight bit of panic rise within him when the mirror’s reflection didn’t show what he expected. It was so hard to get used to.

All he had to do was get through this one day. Just one more day then they could execute Alfred’s plan and everything could go back to the way it's supposed to be.

What even was the plan though? Alfred told him about it once they landed in the US but it had been as surface level as any other plan that he managed to come up with. He didn’t have to ask for further detail to know that there wasn’t any. Ivan and Matthew would just have to fill in the blanks as they went, which he wasn’t very fond of but it was expected from the unreliable American.

Alfred’s words from the day before rang in his head. “How can the enemy know what my next move is if I don’t even know?” What a load of bullshit. The enemy needed at least something to work with in order to ensure a successful mission! Funny that Alfred loved to play hero yet wouldn’t be doing much to help. 

When he was done, he walked back into the room to see Alfred stretching as he stood up. As Alfred began to walk past Ivan to start his own morning routine, he did a double take upon seeing him. 

“Do you just not know how to brush your hair? What's going on with that?” 

Ivan raised an eyebrow and turned toward the full body mirror that hung over the closet door, his brain still taking a moment to process what he was seeing. Like always, Alfred was overreacting. It looked fine. His hair always had a strand or two that stuck upward. With a sigh, Ivan ran a hand through it anyway to satisfy the sudden hair critic.

Alfred shook his head in disapproval. “Whatever. You do you, man.” He said, as he walked through the doorway.

Ivan reached in the closet for the first articles of clothing he saw, trying to ignore the poorly hidden firearms at the floor. He had found them right away during his search within the three minutes Alfred was in the shower but he was still amazed by just how obvious it was. It would almost be humorous if it wasn’t insulting to Ivan’s intelligence. 

He slipped on the shirt he grabbed with no issues but the same couldn’t be said about the jeans. 

“You need to buy new pants.” He stated, when Alfred walked back into the room.

“Of course you pick the one pair that doesn’t fit.” He reached into the closet and carelessly tossed a new pair at the other nation.

Ivan shrugged as he tried to wriggle himself out of the old pants. “It’s not my fault that you are gaining weight at a rapid pace.”

“You’re really gonna call me fat when you’re inside me right now!?” 

The words made him shiver, but he didn’t let it show. “Don’t say that.”

“It's true! And I’m not fat!” Alfred insisted. “The only reason the pants don’t fit is because I got some junk in the trunk.”

Before Ivan could comment on how ridiculous that claim was, a speedy force collided with his backside, causing a loud clap and a stinging pain that made him jump. 

He slowly turned to face the other nation in shock after realizing what had happened, finding it hard to form a threat like he should. “Y-you’re getting too comfortable hitting me.”

“HA! You stuttered! I knew you had a teasing kink! Look at you!” Ivan felt a cold hand haphazardly grip his jaw, forcing him to turn his attention to the mirror. “Red. Like the commie that’s on the inside.” 

Alfred’s games were getting a little too dangerous. It was only a matter of time before Ivan wouldn’t let him get away with it anymore. But why was he letting him do it to begin with? He couldn’t understand why and he certainly wasn’t going to consider Alfred’s “teasing kink” theory.

“You never fail to impress me.” He admitted under his breath as he gathered himself and slipped into his new jeans that fit much more comfortably. 

It was never meant to be a compliment but Alfred held a smile. “And yet you still reject me!” He sighed dramatically.

The words forced the meeting to return to Ivan’s mind. More specifically, the exact moment that Alfred was referencing. The sly yet intrigued smile he tried and failed to fight back when he mouthed the words “fuck you.” The words never tried to seem like a threat and more like a thanks for participating. It would have been a great memory if it wasn’t for the dullness in his eyes when he held the challenging stare. 

A familiar fabric was wrapped carefully around his neck, bringing him out of thought. He looked in the mirror to see Alfred behind him, smoothing out the fabric. It was a strange thing for him to do but Ivan figured he was just sick of wearing it. He made no effort to hide his distaste with it throughout the days. It did make Ivan feel more like himself so he wouldn’t argue against it. However, that thought quickly came to an end when he turned around to see himself dressed like a middle class American teenager.

“Change right now.” Ivan demanded, flatly. Alfred was out of his mind if he thought he was going out in public like that. 

“Shut up! I look great!” The American argued.

He didn’t look great. He looked stupid. The multicolored striped collared shirt was far too obnoxious but somehow the jeans outshined it. They were far too tight in some areas, only accentuated by the leather belt around his waist. It was hard to look away. How had Alfred managed to squeeze him into that?

“That has to be uncomfortable.” He let his thoughts spill into words.

“Oh, it is.” He paused, following Ivan’s eyes which were still fixated on the tightest area. “Woah! Hold up! Where are you looking!?”

He pried his eyes away. “If I brush my hair will you change?” It was pathetic to beg but he had to put an end to this.

“No. I don’t have anything else that fits you.” Alfred admitted. “This is actually Mattie’s outfit. I’m gonna tell him that you were talking trash.”

Before Ivan could continue to convince Alfred to change his appearance, the landline rang from the living room. Alfred followed the noise, leaving Ivan behind to contemplate his failure. He took a final look in the mirror before it occurred to him what the dumb American was about to do. 

“Wait!” He shouted, running after the other nation. He intervened just in time to snatch the phone out of Alfred’s hand. “Hello?” 

“Hello, Alfred!” Arthur said through the phone. “I didn’t hear anything from you the other day so I wanted to check in. Are you feeling any better?” 

“Yeah, man! I feel great now!” Ivan replied, straining to get his American accent to sound convincing.

Arthur sighed with relief. “That’s good to hear. You weren’t yourself the other day. I was worried. I do care about you.” 

Ivan smiled warmly. He was completely hammered by that point of the night but the embrace he had shared with Arthur still found itself a spot in his brain. He wouldn’t let himself forget that any time soon, even if he should. 

“Oh c’mon! You’re gonna make me puke, dude!” He turned his back to the American who wasn’t being subtle with his astonishment. He needed to focus on his own words to deliver a convincing performance and he couldn’t let Alfred distract him.

“You’re definitely back to yourself. I- what? Matthew?” A shuffle and a brief scolding was heard through the phone. Ivan was only able to catch Arthur’s voice as it faded into the distance. “Fine. Tell him I’ll give him a call later!” 

“Hi, Ivan. Can you put Alfred on, please?” Matthew whispered. 

“You’re on speaker.” He said, just as he hit the button and rested the phone on the table.

“Oh…”

“So, lemme get this straight.” Alfred started in an accusatory tone. “The ‘important business’ you had to do was just hanging out with Arthur.” He made quotation marks with his fingers even though Matthew couldn’t see him. 

“I never said important. I said business. And it is!” Matthew defended himself. “Francis has been cooking on and off all day and my job is to keep Arthur out of the kitchen. It’s business! It’s called strengthening my relations and becoming more culturally diverse. Something you don’t know shit about!”

“I’m literally a fucking Russian right now and you’re saying I ain’t culturally diverse!?” He snapped but managed to gather himself quickly. “And what? You think what me and Ivan are going through right now is business?” 

“It could be, yes! That’s what you’re going to say on your taxes aren’t you?” 

“Hey! Shut up!” Alfred shouted, glancing at Ivan to see if he noticed. Ivan offered a smirk. He knew it. “Y’know what? I’m kind enough to let it all slide this time. Aren’t I the best?” 

Ivan heard Matthew making sarcastic thank you’s followed by Arthur nagging in the background. Alfred wasn’t kidding. His family was indeed full of jerks. Yet there was something pleasant about it. There was something comforting about letting the people you trust the most push just the right buttons. Oh God, maybe he did have a teasing kink.

“Hey listen,” Matthew spoke up again, his tone shifting. “I land at 6pm your time tomorrow. Is that too late?” 

Alfred’s face dropped. “A few hours too late, bro. Goddammit! I really thought I could rely on you!”

“I’m sorry, you two.” Matthew apologized. “I promise we will go first thing the day after!” 

Great. Another day stuck with Alfred. Alfred and his brother. Two assholes to deal with who would absolutely start plotting against the Russian once given the chance. Was it even worth relying on this plan anymore?

“Whatever. Fuck you, dude.” Alfred smiled widely. It was the same way he looked at Ivan for a response whenever he said something he shouldn’t have. He was clearly just pushing for a reaction, excited to hear what the reply would be.

“Love you too, Alfred. Don’t forget to tell Ivan about what you did on the plane.” 

Alfred quickly reached to slam the phone back on the trigger to end the call and hopped away from the phone as if nothing happened.

Ivan’s eyes narrowed. “What did you do?”

Alfred occupied himself by scouring the counter for his car keys, refusing to look at the Russian. “I didn’t do anything.” 

“What did you do?” He repeated, his words growing more demanding.

“Guess.” 

“What did you do?” He leaned closer so Alfred could feel his eyes on him. 

“I’ll tell you what I didn’t do.” Alfred paused, feeling the pressure under the glare. “I didn’t finger your asshole in the plane's bathroom when you were asleep just to see how tight it was.” 

“Oh.” Ivan leaned away. “Okay.” He shrugged. 

“Wait, what?” Alfred, who had braced himself for a physical attack, looked at him with confusion. “You’re not mad?”

“Not really.” 

“Why!?” The way he begged for an answer made it seem like he had wanted Ivan to be mad at him.

“Because I did that too.” He confessed, his voice no louder than a whisper.

In the silence that followed, Ivan found himself fighting back a smile. It wasn’t everyday that he could make Alfred speechless but lately it seemed to be getting easier. If he did accidentally crack a smile, he would blame it on that rather than embarrassment from admitting to something he shouldn’t have. 

Alfred was the first to break the silence. “For what? What do you gain from that?” 

“Nothing.”

“This isn’t how I pictured this conversation to go.” He admitted, beginning to lead the way toward the garage. “Get in the car so we can go on our gay little date. You fucking gaylord. You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

He wasn’t proud of what he did but it did seem to piss off Alfred so maybe it was worth it. It was likely that Alfred was only upset that he didn’t have a unique idea and couldn’t hold it over Ivan’s head, rather than being upset that it happened in the first place. It shouldn’t have been that surprising to him anyway, considering he already knew the first thing Ivan had done when left alone after the swap had happened. Another thing that he wasn’t very proud of.

“Talking about how you don’t want to fuck me and then you’re fingering my asshole when I’m not looking.” Alfred continued to rant. “I did it for research and you did it for what? Just because you were bored? So, what does that say about you?” 

“I guess that would make me gay.” Ivan couldn’t help but reply. He’ll let him have this win just so he will shut the hell up.

“Yeah, gay for me .”

“You wish.” Ivan grumbled under his breath. There was no one around so why was he still so addicted to getting the last word in? Why did he even bother to confess at all?

He wouldn’t ponder on that thought. Right. Today was going to be different. He wouldn’t fall for the same traps he did the day prior. He wouldn’t entertain Alfred any longer. Yet he was still getting into his car.

Driving down the highway, Alfred’s presence assaulted his senses. His face scrunched up when a cloud of cigarette smoke blew into his face. A harsh gust of chilled wind from the open window tried and failed to sweep away the foul scent. Ivan found the music he was listening to on max volume to be pretty annoying, but not as annoying as Alfred who was singing along to it. More songs that Ivan didn’t know the lyrics to. The last of western music he had heard and enjoyed was the American jazz era from the 20s-40s. Nowadays it seemed like disco was the new thing and none of it even sounded American so it was strange that Alfred was so obsessed with it.

It was almost embarrassing. He knew he wasn’t a good singer but Alfred was really shoving that fact in his face. He wanted to tell him to just shut up but at this rate, he’d surely lose his voice by the next day and what a peaceful day that would be. 

It was obvious that Alfred had no destination in mind. They had to have been driving for over an hour and they did nothing but pass by the same places over and over again. American’s just loved to waste fuel it seemed. Or maybe Alfred specifically just loved to waste Ivan’s time. 

“I heard it’s gonna snow today.” Alfred said suddenly once he turned the music down. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up though. Pretty sure Virginia weathermen just flip a coin.” 

How this man’s brain could go from sexually charged lyrics to the weather forecast in an instant, he’ll never know. Thankfully their conversation from earlier had been long forgotten due to that rapidly moving mind.

Ivan hummed in response. News of snow was not a concern to him. It would snow whether he liked it or not. He especially wouldn’t be dragged into the most generic small talk topic there was.

“I hope it snows.” Alfred sighed, tossing the butt of the cigarette out the window. 

A prayer of snow wasn’t something that Ivan expected to hear. It was like someone wishing for a flat tire. He especially didn’t expect a nation who embodied the summer time to hope for such a thing. Someone who had expressed earlier in the drive that he was struggling to find something to do that day because of the cold temperatures. 

“You like the snow?” Ivan questioned, aware of the fact that he was falling into Alfred’s verbal mouse trap yet again. 

“I do! If it’s gonna be this cold it might as well snow.” 

Ivan rolled his eyes. “You would love my country then.” 

“Ain’t that a joke.”

As the car came to a stop, Ivan focused on the surroundings. He knew the place. Not because he had been there before, but because he knew almost everything there was to know about both Alfred’s home and the town he resided in. 

“You drove me around for two hours just to take me to a place fifteen minutes away from your house?” 

“Did you or did you not get a free concert?” Alfred grinned. “We both got the bowling fits on so I figured it’d be appropriate.” 

The bowling fits? What does that even mean? Maybe his English wasn’t as good as he thought it was.

The place seemed somewhat crowded inside, which Ivan wasn’t very happy about. He just hoped that the American citizens weren’t as nosey as their representation. The last thing he wanted was to be the center of attention when the two of them inevitably got into an argument.

The same type of music that Alfred was playing in the car blared through the speakers over the sounds of pins toppling and people cheering. The place looked just as noisy as the people. Neon lights flashed overhead. It seemed every color of the rainbow was plastered somewhere, shining brightly. It was… So obnoxiously American.

“Have you ever been bowling before?” When Ivan didn’t answer in time, Alfred continued, filling in the blanks. “Well you better learn fast ‘cause I ain’t going easy on you.”

“I’m sure I can kick your ass.” He couldn’t understand why, after all the self convincing, his words still came out unwillingly. It was as if his brain was becoming corrupted by Alfred’s tendency to say his thoughts out loud. Alfred wouldn’t even be mad. He would simply smile and take it as a challenge. So what was the point? 

“Motherfucker, it's on!” He said excitedly, counting through a wad of cash and handing it to the worker behind the counter. Of course, he asked for a receipt which gave Ivan a bit of a laugh.

The two of them shuffled through the crowd to make their way to their lane, swapping their shoes out once they sat down. Alfred hopped up quickly to start the game. Whether he was simply excited or he was in a one-sided race to be first, was hard to say. Perhaps a bit of both.

“Alright. Watch and learn, bitch.” Alfred said with the usual cockiness in his tone. 

Ivan couldn’t help but look at the view. Why! Why those pants? Alfred absolutely knew what he was doing when he decided on that day’s activity.

The ball hit the ground with a loud thud and glided down the lane. The pins exploded out in every direction as the ball forcefully made contact. Ivan looked away before Alfred turned around to cheer, knowing the front view was so much worse.

“Let's see whatcha got, big boy.” His eyes held the same look it had at the meeting. A challenge. An irresistible challenge. 

Alfred yet again dragged him back down to his level. And this time, Ivan saw the warning signs yet he simply chose to ignore them. But why!? He took a deep breath as he stood and took his place, lining up the ball and the ten pins in front of him. He knew why.

The ball slid gracefully against every pin, giving them the gentle nudge to topple over. He turned around, but he didn’t cheer. He simply returned the look that accepted the challenge. A willing participant in Alfred’s games like he had always been. He understood that now. There was no use in denying it anymore.

Their scores remained neck and neck no matter how they attempted to sabotage each other. They played dirty. They always had. So the moment Alfred stopped spectating to give Ivan a shove during his turn, it came to no surprise. Ivan had already planned to retaliate by quickly sliding a ball down the gutter before Alfred could take his turn. It wasn’t a professional game by any means but in their rulebook, anything goes.

Alfred had even gone to the bar and gotten them both a bottle of beer at some point, excited that he wasn’t asked for an ID. When Ivan reminded him that he wasn’t of drinking age, he insisted that no one would ask but Ivan didn’t mention it because he was concerned with Alfred’s criminal record. For once, the thought of getting wasted didn’t seem like a favorable outcome after he remembered the lack of control the other day and the splitting headache that followed. 

“If your plan is to get me drunk so I will lose, it will not happen.” He said, putting the bottle down on a near table.

“Alright, you caught me.” Alfred laughed. “But you’re having fun, right?”

Ivan shrugged. “I would have rather went to a strip club but this is alright.” 

“What!?” He shouted. “I’ll take you to the back room right now! I can be your strip club!”

Ivan laughed it off. He wasn’t willing to test how far Alfred was willing to go to prove that those words were true. “No. I am not attracted to you right now.” 

“Right now?” Alfred questioned, before his expression shifted. “You piss me off when you say that.” 

The sharpness in his voice came as a surprise. It had no hint of his usual playful tone that was to be expected from the meaningless teasing they were engaging in. 

Alfred stood up and gazed around the room before he locked on to a group of people a few lanes over. “I bet if I go up to those ladies right now, I’d get every one of their numbers.” 

“Don’t.” He warned, but Alfred had already made up his mind and was making his way over.

There was no reason to do that. There was no reason to drag random citizens into their feud- whatever the argument was at that point. Ivan had completely lost track. 

He kept his head turned away from whatever Alfred was doing. He just couldn’t look. Instead, he focused on chugging the bottle of beer he had neglected earlier, believing that he would need it if he had to continue to put up with the annoying American for the rest of the day. Thankfully, it didn’t taste nearly as bad as vodka. 

As the minutes ticked on and the liquor dwindled, he started to become a little worried about what Alfred could be doing. Against his better judgment, he peaked over his shoulder. He didn’t immediately know how to feel about what he was seeing. It even took him a moment to process as if his eyes couldn’t believe it.

He saw himself- or well, Alfred with his signature bright smile dancing between the three women he had pointed out earlier. Even when he stopped to talk he was still animated. He was so full of life and everyone seemed to know it. The women danced closely to him as if begging for his attention. Everyone who looked in that direction looked away with a smile. All except Ivan who couldn’t understand why the scene disturbed him so much.

He looked away, failing to process how many more minutes went by. Alfred eventually returned. As he sat down, he flashed three torn pieces of paper with various numbers scribbled onto them.

“Told ya. Goes to show that if you wore tight pants and didn’t have a shit attitude, you’d be smoking hot.”

Alfred’s attempts to flatter him were getting far too intricate. If he didn’t stop obsessing over his looks or trying to get him in bed, he’d have no choice but to assume that Alfred actually had a strange crush on him. 

However, maybe Alfred did have a point. It was the best Ivan had looked in who knows how long. His hair was brushed, there was a lack of dark circles under his eyes that hinted to his terrible sleeping schedule, and the way Alfred made a hollywood smile fit him so naturally made him seem far more approachable. Just when exactly did Ivan start looking like he had just rolled out of bed and was being held at gunpoint to get through each day? 

“Don’t be jealous!” Alfred laughed. “You’re still my only date at the end of the day. I wouldn’t let them steal me from you.”

“Stop saying that.” His words came out less of a demand and more of a beg.

Their game continued but Ivan’s score didn’t keep climbing like Alfred’s did. He had been too lost in thought, trying to find meaning in situations that truly didn’t have a meaning. Alfred was far too unpredictable for his liking. There was no telling what he would do next and it was only 4pm. They still had the rest of the grueling day to get through and Ivan was already burnt out. 

Alfred made sure the entire building knew about his victory. It was as if he expected some kind of trophy. He even stopped to wave goodbye to the women he was entertaining like he was some sort of celebrity who graced them with his presence.

The silence of the parking lot managed to relax Ivan a bit until he heard that goddamn voice again. “Man, you’re a sore loser! You’re not even gonna give me a reward?” Alfred asked, while they walked back to his car.

“What are you expecting?” 

“I don’t know. A kiss, a lapdance, a finger up the ass- I still can’t believe you did that.” 

“Well, you’re not getting any of that from me.” He growled. “Why don’t you make use of those numbers?” 

“Woah,” Alfred halted, taken aback by the sudden hostility that he should have surely been used to by now. “Are you jealous or something? How are you jealous of yourself, bro?” 

Ivan turned away. That wasn’t what it was. He grasped the door handle but there was no give. He stood waiting for Alfred to unlock his car but instead he walked up to Ivan.

“If it makes you feel better,” He fished the pieces of paper out of his pocket along with a lighter. He held the numbers above the flame and let them burn into ashes. “I wasn’t gonna call them anyway.”

“Then what was the point?” Ivan asked, his eyes fixating back on the car door that he hoped Alfred would just unlock already so they could go home.

“To prove that you’re attractive. I literally explained it! Were you not listening?” 

“Why!? Why would you do that in the first place!?” He snapped, turning back to Alfred who stepped back defensively.

“Are we really having this argument right now?” He mumbled under his breath as if he was speaking to only himself.

Just one more day. No. Two more days including the rest of today. That's all he had to get through and he could finally be free from this stupid American.

Finally, he heard the door unlock and he quickly scrambled inside to get comfortable, pulling his scarf over the lower half of his face as if to hide. Alfred soon joined him, turning the key to the ignition and quietly pulling out of the parking lot.

There was so much more he wanted to say to Alfred. He wanted to curse him out, choke him, anything that would calm his nerves. Yet all he could think about was going home.

“Fuck! I missed the exit.” Alfred cursed. “Guess we’re taking a detour to Maryland.”

Well, now it was even more awkward. The two of them, clearly frustrated with each other, stuck in stop and go traffic during rush hour on a bridge to a different state. Neither of them said anything which only added to the thickness of the air. Ivan could at least be grateful for the silence but now it was causing him to get lost in thought as he gazed out the window.

Jealous. That couldn’t have been the right word. He wasn’t jealous of the women. Hell, he couldn’t even remember their faces. And he wasn’t like Alfred, he didn’t have romantic or sexual feelings for himself. So what could it have possibly been that made him so upset? Who was he jealous of?

The scene replayed unwillingly in his mind over and over again. There was just something so unnatural about it. Something so strange. But the more it replayed the more right it seemed. Like he was glimpsing into something that could have been.

He looked out of the corner of his eye. Alfred held a bored expression as he inched too close to the car in front of him like he was desperate to get even just an inch closer to his home. A part of him didn’t like it. Even though that awful smile was so unnatural, he wanted to see it again. He felt like he deserved it. Even if it wasn’t technically real.

Maybe it was narcissistic and selfish to think that way but he never once claimed not to be either of those things. He wanted to start up another conversation full of playful banter but he simply didn’t know how. Alfred had such a natural gift to talk about anything and shift the entire mood of a conversation. Ivan could never fill that position. He didn’t know what to say.

The smell of a freshly lit cigarette brought his attention back to where he was. He must have been lost in his mind for a while since it wasn’t until then where he realized that the car was parked in a barren parking lot overlooking the Potomac River with the view of Virginia and the sun rapidly setting through the clouds of the dull winter sky. 

What was this? He never took Alfred as the type to appreciate things like that. And really? Watching the sunset? Did Alfred seriously assume that this was a date? Ivan could have swore he was joking. If it was truly a date, Ivan could look to his left right at that moment and find Alfred had his eyes on him, his “date”, instead of the cheesy view in front of them.

And… he did. “Pretty cool, huh?” Alfred asked when their eyes met. 

Ivan nodded weakly in response. Without words, Alfred opened the car door and stepped out into the cold which Ivan soon followed. The two of them leaned against the hood of Alfred’s car and watched the rest in silence until the bustling city in the distance was the only source of light.

If Alfred timed that just for him, he was the luckiest person alive. An idiot who couldn’t plan what they were going to do that day and drove around for two hours trying to figure it out. A moron who missed the exit to his own home. A dumbass who fell into this situation by accident, somehow perfectly timed the exact moment the sun fell behind the horizon. 

“Oh! It’s snowing!” Alfred said, looking up at the newly night sky. His eyes seemed to shift between each snowflake to admire them individually before they fell to Earth. 

He continued to hold that smile he’s had the past few days. A smile so wrong yet so natural. Maybe in another life, another timeline, Ivan could be as happy as Alfred was to be him. As happy as he was to see something as mundane as snow falling from the sky and littering the ground. Something that Ivan has seen countless times and only grown more bitter with every sight of it. 

Ivan had to remind himself that it was all a part of the act. Surely, Alfred wouldn’t be smiling if he was experiencing this alone. It was a way to taunt him.

It was when he took his eyes off the falling snow that made Ivan rethink everything. It was the shine in his eyes that he lacked whenever he looked at Ivan. He never wanted to admit it but it was always something he had hoped to see for himself someday in its entirety rather than the remnants fizzle away when their eyes met. He may never get to see it in Alfred’s actual eyes, but he could consider settling.

Yet, there was one important detail he was overlooking. Alfred was a narcissist. That was proven the entire time they had been together. The man wanted to literally fuck himself. You can’t get any more narcissistic than that! But maybe he would allow himself the luxury of ignorance. 

“What’s up?” Alfred asked, seeming to see Ivan’s inner struggle.

“Dance with me.” Another moment he had spoken without thinking, but this time he didn’t care to discipline himself. 

Alfred altered through various expressions before smiling brightly once again. “I knew you were jealous! Hold on, one second.” 

He trotted to the car door, discarding the cigarette he had lit earlier. Ivan looked away when the headlights shone in his face, blinking away the layer of white that blinded him. The car radio turned louder and shifted through a few channels before Alfred was satisfied, leaving the door open so the music could leak out. 

Not only did Ivan recognize what was playing but he also never recalled telling anyone he enjoyed that type of music. American jazz had always been his dirty little secret. Either Alfred was a better spy than he originally assumed or he was just a lucky guess. 

Alfred held out a hand, which Ivan accepted as he was pulled into a slow dance that didn’t fit the music at all. It was the sloppiest dancing he’s ever participated in. Almost as sloppy as their game of bowling earlier. Even their dancing was full of sabotage as they tried to trip one another and forcefully take the lead. But even the occasional slips of their shoes on the pavement or the chill of melted snow on their skin didn’t stop them continuing, both laughing at how foolish they must have looked to a hypothetical crowd. 

“What made you have a change of heart?” Alfred asked, holding a warm smile.

There was no point in lying. No point in holding the answer back when he had already been speaking his mind all day. “It’s nice seeing myself happy. I don’t get to be happy often.”

“Nothing is stopping you.” He shrugged innocently.

He looked at the nation across from him before rolling his eyes as if the answer was obvious. “I can think of one thing that is.” 

Alfred smirked and leaned close to him, making sure to meet his eyes. “Who were you looking at when you said that?” 

Ivan’s smile faded as the question slowly sunk in. The moment it happened, he saw Alfred regret his choice of words but he still allowed the thought to run through Ivan’s mind. Ivan moved a hand to glide gently up the other nation’s face. They both knew the answer to that question but Ivan still found it dumb that Alfred changed whoever he represented out of convenience.

“Thanks for the date.” Ivan said, before delivering a slap to the side of his face and quickly slipping away before Alfred could retaliate.

Alfred fumbled for a moment before he returned from the daze. “What the hell! Why did you do that!?”

Ivan picked up the pace hearing the other nation run after him. He felt his arms wrap around his abdomen and his feet lift off the ground as he was spun in the air. That was definitely a new feeling. 

“Yknow, I would never in my life let anyone else do that to me.” Alfred spoke into his ear, planting him back down. He still kept a firm grip around the other nation to keep him from running off again. 

“What makes me so special?” 

“We fingered each other. I feel so connected to you now.” 

“Why did you have to bring that back up?” He asked, hoping the American wouldn’t answer.

“It’s not like it's a lie!” He laughed. Ivan had to question if it even bothered him in the first place. Alfred was far too confusing. “Plus, you admitted this was a date. So I guess I can let it slide.”

“Would you have settled for anything less?” 

“Are you…” He trailed off, finally easing his grip so Ivan could turn to face him. For once, it seemed like he was actually debating the next thing he was going to say. That filter of his worked in strange ways. “Are you sure you don’t wanna fuck me?” 

So Alfred had been serious afterall? Maybe there were a few mixed signals. There was no way, after everything they had been through, that Alfred thought Ivan lusting after him was a likely conclusion. It was laughable. 

But still, Ivan would entertain the thought. It could be the American’s reward for winning. “Not for another hundred years.”

Chapter Text

“Wanna play a prank on Mattie?” 

“Sure.” The fast response even came to his own surprise.

After a moment of scheming, Matthew approached and hopped into the back seat of Alfred’s secondary car, throwing his luggage unceremoniously next to him. The false smile came easily to Ivan as he recalled a conversation with Alfred earlier in the day where he complained that he couldn’t take his two door camaro to pick up Matthew. He even suggested shoving his own brother in the trunk and as entertaining as that would have been, Ivan wouldn’t allow it.

“So, Mattie, change of plans,” Ivan began, making sure to force the accent. “The effect wore off on its own!”

“Is that so?” Matthew’s relief didn’t last long. “Why is he still here then? And why is he driving your car? And why are you wearing his scarf?” 

“Do you have a problem with me?” Alfred turned to shoot Matthew a cold glance. 

He was eerily good at acting as Ivan. Although, eventually his own personality would slip through just like it did during the meeting, making it better for short term pranks like this. 

Matthew gulped, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I just thought you would like to go home as soon as possible.” He managed to break eye contact to look elsewhere. In an instant, Alfred’s glare had no effect on him. “Why are you holding hands?” 

They both looked between them to see their hands intertwined over the center console. Ivan knew for a fact he didn’t initiate that himself. Just when did that happen? And more importantly, why didn’t Ivan notice?

“We have fallen in love.” Alfred clutched Ivan’s hand tighter before he tried to pull away. “We’re getting married today and we want you to be our witness.” 

Matthew shook his head. “Very funny, Alfred.” He commented, dryly. 

“You said I wasn’t wife material.” Ivan added, snatching his hand out of Alfred’s grip. 

“Baby, I didn’t mean it! I don’t want my main bitch no more! I want you!” 

“What the hell did I miss?” Matthew whispered the question to himself. 

Despite the prank’s short debut, it had strangely served to break the ice between them all. The two brothers mostly talked amongst themselves as they caught up on the two whole days they had been separated, including a brief argument about their missing luggage. Alfred often attempted to drag Ivan into the conversation but Ivan was content enough just observing their dynamic. Although their voices were loud and their words were harsh, there was a playful airiness about it all that hinted it would quickly be forgotten once the scenery changed.

“By the way,” Alfred started after he parked his car in the driveway. He kept the doors locked, forcing everyone to give their full attention to his important announcement. “We have one rule around here. No kissing Ivan!” 

“Why the fuck would I do that!?” Matthew leaned against the door, trying to physically separate himself from the topic. “Especially when he looks like you! What the hell are you talking about!? You Alabama fuck!” 

Alfred only laughed in response, finally unlocking the door. Matthew scrambled out quickly as if Alfred’s strange words would be left in the car. However, he was even more horrified once he got a good look at the other nation. 

“Oh my God… You let him dress like this?” He gently pushed the American’s arm to turn him around. Alfred seemed far too proud of his work and provided his brother with a 360 view of the entire outfit. It had a similar look to the previous day, just with different colors. “Are these my clothes?”

“My clothes don’t fit him!” Alfred retaliated, already on the defense. 

“Neither do mine!” Matthew argued, tilting his head as he continued to analyze. “Did he gain a few pounds?” He was quickly shushed as Alfred shoved a hand over his mouth. 

Did he? Ivan looked himself up and down. It had only been a few days since the last time Matthew had seen him so how could he notice that? How was that even possible? The artery blocking American food must have been to blame. Ivan was aware it was bad but… wow. 

Alfred held a guilty smile that only faltered once their eyes met. “You should have never called me fat. Especially when you yourself ‘gain weight at a rapid pace.’” He mocked, finally allowing Matthew to breathe. 

“He’s not fat! I didn’t mean it like that!” Matthew raised his hands defensively and took a step back. “If anything, Ivan, you look better with a bit extra…” He trailed off, trying to find a word that wouldn’t offend the Russian. “I’ll just shut up.” 

“Good idea.” Ivan smacked his shoulder a little too harshly as he walked past him.

“Oh, you fucked up! He’s mad at you!” Alfred teased as they followed behind. 

Matthew’s reply was too hushed to hear but it didn’t concern Ivan. 

They entered the house and immediately settled on the sofa. Ivan and Matthew sat on either side of Alfred who quickly closed the gap between them all by casually slinging an arm around the two nations and roughly pulling them close. 

“I’m living the dream! Look at me, scoring two hot twins at the same time!” 

“Shut the fuck up! Who do you think you are?” Matthew laughed, attempting to free himself. “I’m so sorry you had to put up with this, Ivan.” 

A series of harsh knocks echoed throughout the entire house, causing Matthew to jump. 

“Oh shit! It’s the feds after Mattie’s weed brownies!” His comment had no impact on Matthew who only rolled his eyes. It did, however, worry Ivan who had half believed what he said.

Hopefully it was just a neighbor asking for a quick favor instead of the FBI. They were so close to finally solving this themselves! What a waste everything would have been. 

When Alfred didn’t give in, Matthew rose to the occasion with a frustrated sigh and got up to check who was at the door. The two nations curiously looked toward the direction he disappeared in, one more nervous than the other. 

After another series of knocks which sounded more demanding than the last, Matthew shuffled back around the corner, his face pale and his eyes wide in shock.

“Natalya is here.” 

After what felt like an eternity, Ivan started to believe the punchline would never come. This had to have been payback for the prank they pulled earlier. There was no possible way that Natalya was at Alfred’s front door. Why would Alfred’s house be the first or even the last place she checked when she noticed Ivan wasn’t home? 

The knocking at the door intensified and this time didn’t stop, springing them all into action. It was so clear now that it was Natalya. This was the final warning before she would start breaking the door down. 

“You need to go!” He pushed Alfred deeper into the house with no concern for anything he was bumping into along the way. “I will handle this. Whatever you do, do not come out until I get you.” 

“Where the fuck am I supposed to hide a six foot tall, 300 pound Russian!?” Alfred spat, not bothering to hide the panic in his voice. Good. He knew this was serious. 

“I’m not 300 pounds!” 

“Guys, guys!” Matthew interrupted their bickering, bringing their attention back to the real issue. 

“Fucking hell! Gimme that!” Alfred haphazardly snatched the scarf off Ivan’s neck and disappeared into the hallway. 

As Ivan half jogged toward the front of the house, Matthew looked around the room awkwardly as if trying to find his own place to hide. 

As soon as he twisted the doorknob, the door was pushed open as Natalya invited herself inside, barely sparing Ivan a second glance. She walked slowly and elegantly, not a hair out of place for someone who was practically assaulting a door just seconds ago. 

“I find it very rude of you to leave a woman out in the cold for so long.” She stepped further inside, seeming to scan everything that was in her range of vision before she landed on Matthew, who’s guilt ridden face was far too obvious. “What are you doing here?”

“Wha- What are you doing here?” He questioned, instantly regretting it. 

Her eye twitched and she whipped back around, pointing an accusatory finger at Ivan. “Stay away from my brother.”

“What?” Playing innocent was the safest option, and it was somehow easy to do. 

“Stay away from my brother.” She commanded. “Don’t play dumb! I know what you’re doing! You heard what he said about you, you must have! Who told you!? It was Tolys wasn’t it!?” 

Huh…? What exactly was this about? Ivan said a lot of things about Alfred, most of which Natalya would have approved of. So, what had made her so upset?

“Hey, hey, maybe let’s calm down a bit.” Matthew attempted to mediate the interrogation but didn’t dare step in between them.

“Does Matthew know?” She asked, still staring daggers at whom she assumed to be Alfred. 

Matthew looked toward Ivan as well, as if he could mentally relay what was being talked about. “K-know what?” 

“I’m glad I wasn’t the only one left in the dark. Tolys knew, Raivis knew, even Yekaterina knew! But nobody thought to tell me!”

Probably because they knew she would act this way… One of them had caved eventually and they would absolutely deal with the consequences once Ivan was back home. 

“Matthew, can you give us some privacy?” It had to have been bad if it caused his sister to act this way and he would rather not have the Canadian involved. 

“No!” Natalya protested. “I want him to hear this. Since you were too ashamed to tell him, I’ll do it!”

Matthew was already halfway out of the living room but came to a stop upon hearing her demands. He looked between the siblings, a mental battle taking place as he decided who he was more afraid of. 

His answer was chosen for him as Natalya dragged him by the arm to sit on the couch with her. What was this? Did she assume that Matthew needed to sit down to hear whatever information she had? Such an action could have been kind if there wasn’t a cruel intention behind it. 

All Ivan could do was stand awkwardly. Interrupting her would only cause more trouble. It would be easier to threaten Matthew after she was gone to keep his mouth shut about what he heard. With that thought in mind, he let her continue. He couldn’t help but be a bit curious himself as to what got her so riled up. 

“My brother, I love him, but he says strange things when he’s drunk,” She began, her hands clutching around one of Matthew’s and her grip far too tight. “well, he was drinking with Raivis and Tolys a few weeks ago,”

The memory was hazy but Ivan did vaguely remember this. It was one of his rare good days and he was having a bit of fun drinking with the two nations. Though they probably weren’t having fun themselves since Ivan had practically forced them to keep him company as he went on one of his drunken rants at the American’s expense.

“Eventually he came up in the conversation.” She hissed the word as if mentioning his presence left a foul taste in her mouth. “After a full minute of silence, Ivan says that the only way he would ever in a million years consider fucking Alfred is if he learned to speak Russian. He said that he would drop everything and FUCK THE LIFE OUT OF HIM ON THE SPOT SINCE HE WOULD CLEARLY WANT IT. Those were his exact words! Unprompted! Nobody asked! He just thought about it on his own!”

Ivan and Matthew looked at each other in horror and disbelief. His sister carefully studied their reactions. Either Raivis and Tolys were liars or Ivan got a little too drunk that night. Either way, the two would suffer for spreading such a rumor. Ivan would make sure of it. 

“I don’t remember saying that.” He hadn’t even realized he said the thought out loud. 

“Ivan said that! Not you, moron!” She released Matthew’s hand gracelessly. He sighed in relief and gave it a few test squeezes to make sure nothing was broken. Natalya moved closer to her target, cornering her prey. “You’re trying far too hard to act innocent. It’s obvious.”

“So, what? You think that Ivan came here to have a fling with me and I just so happened to bring my brother along to watch?”

Matthew shivered at the thought. 

“I don’t know what you’re into. Maybe you would like that.” 

Just how many times was Ivan going to be accused of having a fetish for incest this week? It was funny the first time but now it was just strange, especially coming from Natalya. 

“You learned to speak Russian in a few weeks just so you could get my brother to-“ She cut herself off, unable to repeat the words. “You’re sick! Not only that but you spoke it perfectly! You must be a fucking genius and you’re using your brain for that?”

“Maybe he already knew?” Matthew offered. Ivan shook his head while Natalya was focused on the other nation, hoping he would get the message to shut the hell up. “Or maybe it’s just a coincidence.”

“It’s too coincidental to be a coincidence.” 

“Why are you really here? To give me a piece of your mind? This could have been a phone call.” Challenging Natalya’s logic was a risk he couldn’t believe he was taking. Usually, he wouldn’t have dared. Now, suddenly, he had the confidence to do so and the timing couldn’t have been worse. 

“So narcissistic of you to assume that I have your phone number.” Ivan knew that wasn’t the only reason and a part of him was grateful. At least she had enough self control to not have this conversation over a bugged line. “You are dangerous, Alfred. You drag him down to your level but you know what they say, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And Ivan doesn’t play nice after that. He’s more dangerous than you are.” 

It was obvious from the start that this was a warning but why? Normally Natalya wouldn’t hesitate to resort to violence. He just couldn’t figure out what she meant by that. But then again, he wasn’t too worried about it to begin with.

“I just wanted to get my point across. Stay away from my brother. I know you love to mess with him but… He’s hurt enough.” Her eyes softened at the thought but quickly became sharp once again. “I’m watching you.”

On that note, she backed out of the house, keeping her eyes on Ivan until the last possible moment she slammed the door shut, shaking the whole house. 

The two nations stood dumbfounded. When Ivan looked toward Matthew, he stared back at him expecting some sort of answer or explanation to what had just happened. As if he needed him to confirm that they didn’t just dream the past couple minutes.

“Don’t tell Alfred.” He said, hoping that a simple demand would keep his mouth shut. If Alfred heard anything… especially that part…

Matthew simply offered an apologetic smile. Not the reaction he wanted. If he had to resort to physical violence, so be it. Before he could move, Matthew’s eyes shifted to somewhere behind Ivan. He didn’t have to look to know why but he did anyways. 

“Don’t tell me what?” Alfred leaned against the wall with his arms crossed sporting the biggest shit eating grin he could muster.

Fuck. Natalya knowing about his drunken rant was awful enough but Alfred knowing was absolutely humiliating. The walls in this house were far too thin. He should have known.

“Huh? Did Natalya say something?” He teased. Upon the realization he wouldn’t get an easy confession he simply blurted it out. “You wanna fuck me, huh?”

“Alfred!” Matthew called out, disgusted by his vulgarness.

“What!? You heard her!” He wrapped an arm around Ivan which quickly turned into a chokehold due to his struggling. “How about we change our agreement from a hundred years to right now?”

Why did he have to bring that up in front of Matthew? Thankfully, the Canadian didn’t question it. Instead, he favored watching the scene unfold in silence.

“Let go of me or else.” Ivan warned through clenched teeth, still putting up a halfhearted struggle to get away. It was a weak threat, but it was all he could do when he felt so hot from embarrassment. 

“Or else what? What will you do, huh? Fuck the life outta me!?” Alfred laughed to himself. “You’re crazy, bro! Вот почему я так тебя люблю.” 

Ivan sprung into action when he felt the other nation’s lips graze his cheek. 

“No, none of that! None of that.” Ivan managed to break out of the chokehold and quickly turned around to shove him. “Your pronunciation is terrible!” 

“No it’s not! Natalya said I speak Russian perfectly!” Alfred shoved him back initiating the beginnings of a weak slapping fight.

“Stop! Stop! What are you doing!?” Matthew’s panicked voice did little to catch their attention until he grabbed Ivan’s wrist to defuse the situation. He quickly realized his mistake and immediately pulled back, ready to get chewed out for putting his hands on the Russian.

His worry shifted to confusion when both of the enemy nations stopped fighting with each other to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. 

And it was ridiculous. Everything. It was all so stupid. Ivan couldn’t even bring himself to be mad anymore, though the humiliation still lingered. God, why did he say that? It was obviously a joke to begin with, or at least he’ll convince himself. It was so dumb how seriously Natalya and the others took it.

“For the record and my own curiosity,” Alfred started. “if I didn’t look like this, would you have fucked me the moment you found out?”

That question made the one regarding his nukes seem a lot more respectful. “I’m not answering that.” 

“That’s a yes! That’s a fucking yes!” Alfred gasped, clearly not expecting a reply like that. “Oh my fucking God! I can’t believe it!” 

“I can’t believe I’m third wheeling you two right now.” Matthew added from the sidelines. 

It was hard for anyone to believe, especially Ivan. It seemed like Alfred’s personality rubbed off on everyone, not just his brother like he initially assumed.  

Luckily, Alfred’s rapidly moving mind moved on from the incident quickly. Though, Ivan was sure it was far from the last time he would hear about it in his lifetime. He could at least be grateful that it was temporarily forgotten about. 

They had all eventually settled in the living room to relax. Alfred continued to update Matthew on their shenanigans since they have been in the states. Some things that Ivan would have been embarrassed to have another nation know but if Matthew was at all weirded out, he didn’t show it. Instead, he seemed absolutely intrigued. He often looked over to Ivan for confirmation where he would provide a simple nod to prove that Alfred wasn’t bullshitting the entire tale.

Even though Ivan could have stopped him, he didn’t care to. He was proud to have their odd moments together turned into stories for others to laugh along to and the two of them could reminisce on, despite it barely being too far in the past. 

It was weird to Ivan that even Matthew became somewhat comfortable with him in the small amount of time they were all together. He did struggle focusing on who he was talking to but he still tried to have a good time despite it all. It was nice. It felt normal.

“Turns out that this mother fucker can’t handle spicy food like the white ass European he is and he orders me this giant plate of spicy wings.” Alfred recalled the events of their lunch outing earlier that day, his movements expressive as if he was reliving the story, even standing up to act it out at some points. “I was so excited! I start chowing down and then I have to take my jacket off, my nose starts running, my mouth is numb, and I look up for help and he's looking at me like that! Exactly like that!” He pointed to the guilty nation.

Ivan smiled widely, proud of his accomplishment and the fact that Alfred got such a kick out of a simple joke he played at his expense. Watching the slow realization Alfred had when he realized Ivan had lied to him was so satisfying and the laughing/coughing fit the both of them threw while a concerned waitress ran to get him a glass of water was the cherry on top. 

“They weren’t even that spicy.” Ivan shrugged.

“Fuck you.” Alfred groaned, slumping back down into the couch. “So yeah, Mattie. You said that Ivan didn’t seem like the type to play a prank? Well, there you go. He did it twice today.”

Canada blinked, holding a smile laced with disbelief. “Why would you get anything spicy if you can’t handle it? Doesn’t that have more consequences beyond-“ 

“We don’t have to talk about all that, bro. What happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom.” Alfred cut him off before he could finish that thought.

Matthew looked between them as if putting the pieces together. “You guys have showered since you've been here right? Isn’t that kinda weird?”

“Yeah, we showered together this morning. Wasn’t weird at all. It was kinda hot.” Alfred said casually through a yawn. 

“Together?” Matthew repeated before rolling his eyes. “You two did not do that! You did not shower with each other, you goddamn liar!”

“Yes we did!”

“No, you didn't!” Matthew shouted, refusing to be convinced of it. “Ivan,”

“He's lying.” Ivan confirmed.

Alfred tsked, annoyed that his attempt to fool his brother was put to an end. “Who’s side are you on here?” 

“We haven’t been on the same side since your fun on the jet.” 

“You did it too!” Alfred shouted. “And I got news for you, bro. Your asshole is not that tight.”

“Neither is yours.” He shrugged. 

Alfred quickly pointed the finger, ready to counter that argument, before shrugging and settling back down. “Yeah, you got me there.” 

They were both reminded of the Canadian’s presence when he spoke up, his voice unsure. “Seems you two have been getting along a little too well…” He trailed off. “Francis was telling us that ‘the cold war is gonna turn hot… in the bedroom.’ I’ll spare you the details since I wasn’t as lucky.” 

Alfred erupted in laughter while Ivan just rolled his eyes. Great. So, the rumors were making their rounds all over the world instead of just within the Soviet Union. However, Ivan wasn’t concerned. The rumors were incredibly boring compared to the truth. And he definitely wasn’t going to let Francis’ meaningless theories ruin his mood.

“I told him it was impossible though.” Matthew added. 

“Nothing is impossible, baby! I went to the goddamn moon!” Alfred said, stuck between laughing and crying.

“This is the only time those words can come out of his mouth.” 

“Too soon.” Ivan sighed, causing Alfred to laugh harder.

“Oh, it’s already midnight.” Matthew mentioned, looking toward the clock on the wall.

“Aw, man. If we plan on getting up early, we should probably try and get some rest.” Alfred said, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

Matthew nodded in agreement before hitting a realization. “Shit, I think I left my bags in the car.” 

“I’ll get it for you.” Ivan offered, already standing up. 

The nation nodded his thanks as Ivan swiped the car keys off a nearby table and headed for the door.

With nothing but the streetlights giving off any source of light, Ivan struggled to jam the key into the car’s lock, scuffing the paint as he did so. Alfred probably wouldn’t even notice. It was just his secondary car after all, that was still nicer than Ivan’s only car. One day he’ll fix it. Or maybe not. He’s been saying that for years, perhaps it was time to give up on that idea. 

Ivan didn’t mind taking his time. For once the chill of the winter felt nice. The thin layer of snow that had fallen the other night had already dissolved sometime earlier that day. However, the thick clouds that hung low in the dark sky hinted that there was more to come. 

“Russia.” The sharp whisper cut through the air, causing the nation to freeze. 

He would be lying if he claimed he hadn’t expected someone to be snooping around. It was why he offered to go to the car in the first place. Ivan would have to get a new spy on the case if they were willing to call out to the target. Or… Who’s name was called?

Ivan looked up to see his own spy seeking cover at the side of the house where its shadow obstructed him from anyone who wasn’t paying close attention. Ivan pointed to himself questioningly. 

“Yes, you!” He said harshly in their native language while aggressively motioning for the Russian to join him in hiding.

This damn spy was probably following them for days and was just waiting to catch Ivan alone. Surely, he just wanted to question what the hell was happening or what the next order was. Perhaps they shouldn’t have been so blatant. But then again, this was just a measly spy doing his dirty work. It didn’t matter. He would forget what he saw with a simple command. 

Before Ivan could tell his employee that he could take the next couple days off, a bunch of small recording devices were being shoved into his arms.

“I am here to relay a message.” He began, clearing his throat. “I know that you intend to go to Washington DC tomorrow morning to resolve… Whatever this is.” He gestured to Ivan. “Your officials are willing to forgive your outburst if you make the most out of your little vacation.” 

“Outburst?” Ivan slipped, during the confusion. 

“I know it was not you but you are responsible for the American’s actions. You were foolish to let him do that in the first place, you should know better.” Before Ivan could be offended at the fact that he was getting scolded by his own employee, he continued. “He did a lot of damage. He started yelling at everyone and breaking things. He shoved Aleks into a wall and told him to drink milk. Drink milk! What does that even mean!?” 

Ivan tuned out the rest of the rant as he stood frozen in shock. Alfred betrayed him within the first day. He trusted him and the greedy capitalist immediately took advantage of their situation. It shouldn’t have been a shock, taking into account how poorly the meeting in Germany went, but it was entirely different when Ivan didn’t have a front row seat to the American’s game and the opportunity to join in. 

Everything was starting to make sense. He knew the whole time something happened during the meeting the moment Alfred came back to the car so defeated. However, he didn’t expect him to be as dumb and combative to the point where he physically and verbally attacked his government. How did he even make it out of there alive!? Alfred truly had luck on his side that day!

The worst part of it all was that Alfred still acted like they were on good terms after he had practically sentenced Ivan to his own death once everything was cleared up. But that's the thing, he was acting. It's what he did.

“The pampered American cannot handle a simple meeting.” The man continued. “That is why he is weak.”

“Last I checked, you work for me.” He attempted to push the devices back, his intimidating look clearly making an impact on the man even though he tried to hide it. Ivan could figure this all out on his own without the pressure of the official’s demands. 

The spy swallowed but stood high and confident. “I work for the Soviet Union, first and foremost. For all of Russia, not just Ivan.”

That’s right… No matter the circumstances they were still Ivan and Alfred. Russia and America. Two opposite nations and ideals who disobeyed each other just for the hell of it sometimes. It was expected, no matter how frustrating it was. So why, this time, did it hurt so badly?

Did he become charmed by the childish nation so easily? Just because Alfred made him laugh a few times he thought their relationship had changed? No! That nation was a fraud and a liar. Ivan knew from the beginning he had to play the game carefully. Just when did he start believing the performance Alfred was putting on? He knew Alfred’s true self. He’s seen it plenty of times but somehow still allowed himself to overlook that fact. 

Alfred’s actions were meticulous. He planned how to make Ivan comfortable but he skipped out on anything that didn’t concern him. That's why Matthew and Ivan would be making up the plan as they went the next morning. Ivan had just now realized that he never even thought to form a plan himself. Even one that only benefited him. It was probably exactly what Alfred was aiming for.

At this point, he couldn’t care. If his intuitive thinking ended up causing millions of dollars of damage or got Alfred in trouble with the government that treated him like a saint, then so be it. In fact, he may go out of his way to make sure of it.

He clutched the objects in his grip with newfound determination and shoved them into his pocket. “Consider it done.”

Chapter Text

“Alright, I told Mattie where to go. All you gotta do is look pretty and whip this out if you run into any trouble.” Alfred fished the newly written check out of his suit pocket and held it up between his fingers. “Don’t go running off with it.” 

Ivan didn’t hesitate to nab the check before he hopped out of the car with no further words.

“Don’t do anything stupid while we’re gone.” Matthew quickly warned before rushing to catch up with Ivan. 

They had taken the same precautions they had when they were in Moscow. Alfred parked a few blocks down the road to wait while the other nations would execute the plan. 

There was no way for either of them to fuck up this mission. All they had to do was go to the bins holding the prototypes and if a worker caught them, Ivan would just flash the check and they wouldn’t say a word. Of course, this would only work paired with the signature American smile. His government didn't take bribes from just anyone, he had to jam that into Ivan’s mind before he got any ideas.

The raindrops continued to patter off the windshield, obstructing the view outside. Which was fine. There wasn’t much to see anyway. Thunder rumbled in the distance as the rain picked up speed. 

If this were a movie, that would be a bad omen. A sign for what was to come.

Alfred wouldn’t let the thought go any further. He was confident that they would both be fine. Ivan knew better than to do anything stupid. The idea probably never even crossed his mind now that they formed a strange bond. 

Sure, Ivan had been quiet the whole morning but that seemed to be the routine the past couple of days. Ivan went to bed, woke up trying to forget the previous day, then slowly but surely let his erratic and playful side spill out until he couldn’t control what he was saying anymore. 

Today must have been the same. It was just disappointing that Alfred couldn’t get him out of his shell in time for Matthew to take the lead. 

Alfred smiled at the thought. Who would have ever guessed that Ivan could be fun to hang out with? Alfred’s complete opposite somehow had such a child-like personality yet vulgar sense of humor that fit in perfectly with the group Alfred surrounded himself with. It was a shame he seemed to keep that side of himself closed off.

As happy as Alfred was that things could finally go back to the way they used to be, a part of him still hoped that he and Ivan could share some sort of strange connection. They didn’t have to be friends. They could be some… weird thing… that nobody else understood. There was really no word for that type of relationship but the two of them broke the bounds of possibility often. The whole experience only proved that.

A frantic slam at the window startled him, causing him to jump in the opposite direction. A figure, soaked from the falling rain, immediately tried to pull him out.

“Jesus Christ, Mattie! What the hell!? You with your grabby hands.” 

“It’s Ivan.” 

His stomach dropped. How the hell was he caught that easily!? It had only been what? Twenty minutes!? He knew he should have worked harder on hyping him up this morning! 

What the hell did he expect Alfred to do now!? It was hard to play hero when he was a goddamn Russian communist in Washington DC but he could definitely try.

He allowed himself to be pulled out of the car, wincing as he became prey to the cold rain.

“Everything was fine! We did what we had to do and then on the way out he pushes me into a room and locks the door! I literally just got out! I tried to talk some sense into him! I really did but he just wouldn’t listen! All he kept saying was that you deserve the hell he’s about to make for you- I- I really don’t know-”

The rest of Matthew’s panicked explanation filtered out after that, as well as any plans Alfred was making to rescue Ivan.

The damn commie could be doing anything at that moment. It wasn’t personal anymore. Ivan had the fate of the world resting on his shoulders. One wrong move, one wrong word, and the USSR and USA would be at war. It was the Cold War after all. Anything could set them off.

His feet began moving on their own down the sidewalk. He couldn’t even recall if he had turned off the key in the ignition.

“Excuse me, you cannot-“ One of the guards started, stiffening under Alfred’s glare.

“It’s an emergency visit! Don’t worry! Alfred sent me out to come get him!” Matthew attempted to ease the situation, his shaking voice doing little convincing.

Despite that, the guard gave another look at Alfred, and allowed him to slip by.

“Who is that?” A whispering voice asked as the distance grew between them. 

Finally inside, with much less fight than he would have assumed or even hoped, he shook the rain out of his hair while he scanned the room. Everything looked normal so far…

“I don’t know what you plan to do but don’t be stupid! He has a gun!” Matthew whispered loudly.

“He has a what!?” Alfred shouted in disbelief.

Ivan must have found the hiding spot… But how long ago!? How long has he been planning this!? 

He looked at the growing number of concerned faces and guards piling up in the halls. They clearly knew by that point that he was another nation but didn’t know which. If Alfred didn’t have tunnel vision he’d be pissed that the guards didn’t have a clue who Russia was and simply let him through because Matthew said it was okay. They didn’t even remember who Matthew was half the time!

“Hold them off as long as you can. Really drill into them this is a private meeting between two people, not nations.” Alfred whispered the first idea that came to mind.

Matthew nodded, taking the handshake that was offered to him. Hopefully it would look more professional to the growing crowd and not like Matthew was selling out his own brother to the communist devil.

When they parted, he quickly headed toward his own office. Surely, Ivan was looking for it too if he hadn’t found it by now. Alfred walked in, switching on the lights and stood in the center of the room to take it all in.

It was torn apart, as expected. Unimportant papers and files littered the floor and the drawers of his desk were torn out haphazardly, almost mockingly, as if Ivan was making a show of his raid rather than actually searching for something.

Although the signs of his presence were there, there was no sign of the Russian himself. That was until the door slammed and locked behind him. He turned to see Ivan pointing one of his own handguns at him. 

After only seeing Ivan show mild annoyance for the past few days, the crazed look in his eyes that showed his intense hatred of the American somehow seemed out of character. Especially for something that was the norm before this all started.

Behind that look of hatred, there was more. Something else that Alfred couldn’t understand. But he could never read Ivan. Spending a few days with him didn’t change that. 

“What is this all about, Ivan?” He turned to his opponent, looking past the weapon that was pointed at him. Even being so casual as to put his hands in his pockets. “You betray me for what? To raid my office? Really? Hope you liked my animal crackers and my sixty four set of limited edition glitter crayons, asshole.” He said, lazily kicking at the boxes scattered on the ground. 

“I betrayed you?” Ivan questioned. “You betrayed me! You pretended to be on good terms with me this entire time. Meanwhile, you knew what awaited me back in my country.”

Alfred stiffened. He had always meant to right his wrongs or even give him a warning before the end of all this, but it just seemed so long ago. It’s not that he had forgotten, just there had never been a good time to tell him. Or, at least, that's the excuse he’ll use.

This was simply revenge? It seemed like a justified reaction, but Alfred couldn’t admit that. They could have talked about this sooner. They could have had a fist fight at Denny’s or just anywhere else except a government building.

“I don’t know who the fuck told you but let’s clear it up. They started asking me questions which, by the way, you said that they wouldn’t-”

“Even now you’re still blaming me.” 

“Let me finish!” He demanded. “The one guy, short one, got all in my face, slapped me, and I rightfully got pissed! If anything, I stuck up for you!”

“You sabotaged me!” Ivan’s voice cracked. The gun in his grasp started to shake with rage as he took a step closer. “You didn’t do me a favor, Alfred. You're not the hero here, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself. You were mad because he slapped you, not me.”

Alfred rolled his eyes. So what if it was partially true? He may have been pissed when he was slapped, but he still felt that it wasn’t deserved no matter who he was at that moment. And that mattered, right? 

Ivan continued. “I told you it was important. I put my pride aside and begged you to stick to the script. I put my trust in you, and-“ He paused, taking a deep shaky inhale to keep himself under control. 

Alfred smirked upon seeing the action. Ivan needed to stay calm to get out what he wanted to say. Alfred would let him have it. It wasn’t time to push the buttons yet. Let Ivan think he had power here and he would pretend to listen to whatever nonsense he spewed. Anything to buy himself a few minutes to figure out what the next course of action was before things got out of hand.

“Glad you think this is funny.” Ivan growled. “Since this is just a game to you, why don’t we revisit the one we played at the meeting?”

“Don’t act like you came up with this on the spot. You’ve been planning that all day, huh? And you’re really proud of that segway, aren’t you?” 

Ivan’s eye twitched. “Number one, I genuinely despise you. I hate the way you look. I hate the way you act. I hate all your friends. I hate your country. I hate everything about you.”

True. No need for Alfred to reply. The most he was willing to give was a bored expression. Besides, all that time to plan and that was the best he could think of?

“Two,” He began, after a long pause. “Nothing you have ever done has impressed me.”

Lie. He admitted that just the other day, albeit with a baffled tone, but it was strange that he was admitting it again. He must not have assumed it would give the American an ego boost.

“Three, I’m-” He swallowed, the gun still shaking in his hands. “I’m terrified of you. You scare me!”

Alfred blinked.

“What was this plan of yours? You wanted me to grow attached to you, yes? To secure my loyalty to you?”

“That's not-” Alfred stopped himself. Yes, he had planned to do that and succeeded but, at the end of the day, it was just something that naturally happened, right? It couldn’t have been as evil as Ivan made it seem. Especially when Alfred himself got attached. When exactly did the plan stop and the genuine connection begin?

“You say you ‘don’t know your next move’ but that was a complete lie. You’re always one step ahead of me without even trying.” Ivan continued.

“Maybe because I’m just better than you in every possible way.” Alfred made a scene of mocking him, a challenge he wasn’t ready to make just yet between the lines.

The other nation clutched the handgun harder. For a moment, Alfred thought he was actually going to pull the trigger. Even going as far as to hold his breath when the trigger pulled back slightly. 

Alfred ducked as the weapon whirled over his head and bounced off a window creating a web of deep cracks. Some large enough to allow the pouring rain to leak inside. 

Alfred whipped his head back. “What the fuck were you thinking!? You could have killed me- yourself!” He took a step toward the other nation. “What the hell is wrong with you!? Normal people don’t fucking act like you, Ivan!”

“There's the Alfred I know! Let it out! Must be exhausting to put on a facade at all times.” 

Before he could question what the hell the Russian was talking about, he was shoved backwards. He quickly managed to dodge a punch aimed toward his head. Ivan swung with his whole body which caused him to stumble when he embraced for a wider follow through than he was expecting. Good. He still wasn’t entirely used to his size or strength even when he had a free practice session.

Ivan regained his footing and turned around to send a familiar jab at Alfred. His eyes widened in confusion when his wrists were caught just before they could hit his weak point. Too easy. Alfred could see that one coming from a mile away.

He firmly held the other nation in place so tightly that he could see the color draining from his hands. Ivan attempted to twist himself free, each jerk becoming more desperate.

When Alfred worried he’d dislocate his own shoulder, he let go, allowing Ivan to stumble backwards into the wall.

He didn’t advance. He just met his eyes and let the silent challenge sink in. They could stop now. Or keep going and Ivan would lose. 

“It's funny how the other nations never see this side of you. The side that I see.”

“What are you talking about now?”

“You don’t have to pretend. We both know about the act you put on. The fake smiles, the friendliness that everyone adores you for.” He rubbed his wrists to get the blood flowing back into them. “When, in reality, you’re just as dangerous as the rest of us.”

Dangerous. Even when he strained to listen through the door, he wished he hadn’t heard Natalya say the word so clearly. The word should have been a compliment especially when it was coming from an enemy nation. But it wasn’t. And it only hurt more when it came from Ivan.

Dangerous was something to be scared of. And Ivan wouldn’t lie about that.

“Even now, you’re acting. You and I both know just how easily you could stop me.” Ivan took a step closer, doing little to close the gap between them.

“Yeah? If you’re such a tough guy, then why didn’t you do anything when we weren’t like this?” 

“Because I don’t want to be the aggressor like everyone expects me to be.” He shook his head. “Hit me!”

As much as Alfred wanted to, he couldn’t. Even when he balled his hands into fists, he fought the urge to raise them and deliver a punch Ivan wanted so badly.

He turned away, unable to look at the other nation. A spark of light lit the room, followed close behind by a crash of thunder rattled the building. Alfred scoffed to himself that his intuition was right.

“What's wrong? Too afraid to punch yourself?” Ivan taunted. “I’m not.”

Alfred suddenly found it hard to breathe. Ivan pulled the ends of his scarf wrapped tightly around his throat, restricting his airways. He knew this damn scarf was going to be a problem. He had a reason to hate it all along.

Against his better judgment, he forced himself forward rather than following Ivan backwards, knowing that being caught in a chokehold would put him at an even worse disadvantage.

Beginning to get lightheaded, he mustered up the rest of his strength to pull forward and send a kick backwards, hitting his target in the shin. He threw another aimless punch behind him, hearing a whack and grunt.

He desperately took in a breath, his lungs both relieved and fighting against it. 

Ivan allowed him no time to recover. Alfred’s head flung back as he clutched a fistfull of his hair.

A glint from the other side of the room caught his attention. The gun.

He sent another punch behind him and Ivan’s grip came loose enough for him to break free. He was shoved to the ground before he could get much closer but the small distance he traveled was still just enough. The gun was in reach. He grabbed it then quickly turned himself around to face his attacker.

Alfred didn’t even think to aim at Ivan. It would have been too obvious of a bluff. There is no world where Alfred would ever shoot himself. Ivan would know, especially when he had been on the defense this entire fight.

Instead, he nuzzled the barrel under his own chin. Ivan didn’t even seem taken aback when he noticed. Instead, he just laughed. A crazed sort of cackle as if Alfred was telling a sick joke.

Alfred’s eyes widened and his heart pounded in his chest. He forgot.

After everything, he really forgot that Ivan was crazy. As if everything leading up to this wasn’t enough of a reminder of that fact.

“Here, I’ll help you!” Ivan grabbed onto the gun and led Alfred’s finger to pull the trigger.

“No!” He cried out, shutting his eyes as he braced for impact.

A sharp thud rang in his ears as everything went silent.

The rain outside slowed. No longer pounding on the window and dripping through the cracks. A slow but steady rain that gently slid down the glass. 

Ivan’s hand was still over his, clamped tightly around the gun. If he paid close enough attention, he could feel his rapid heartbeat through his fingers. Or maybe that was his own?

Alfred took in a shallow breath. Still alive…? He slowly opened his eyes and saw Ivan still above him. He followed his gaze up the wall behind them where a knife was stuck, still swaying side to side.

“I told you to stay away from him! Look where it got you!” Natalya said, her slender frame standing in the doorway as she readied another knife.

Ivan turned to face her. “Not. Now.” He commanded through clenched teeth.

“I do not listen to capitalist pigs like you.”

Another knife came whirling for his head, which Ivan avoided by mere millimeters. As she was reaching for yet another, he took his chance and barged past her. She yelled another threat before chasing after him down the hallway, leaving Alfred alone in silent aftermath.

“Yeah, you know what? Let's just invite the whole Soviet Union in here while we’re at it! That sounds great! Hell, the satellite states too! Why not!?” Alfred said sarcastically while hoisting himself up.

He shoved the gun that was still in his grasp into his waistband, not caring whether it was concealed well or not. 

He came to the end of the hallway, a knife sticking into the wall as the path split into two. A confused worker was already investigating the knife as they clutched a stack of manilla folders.

“Do you know which way they went?” Alfred asked, hoping he would just answer and not ask any questions.

He looked him up and down but still slowly moved the folders to one hand to point in the direction.

He thanked him before following after his target. He kept his eyes ahead, ever so often glancing down at the floor, hoping he wouldn’t find a trail of blood leading him to Ivan. 

Eventually, he heard a rustle and turned the corner where Ivan was digging his heels into the floor as he struggled to keep the handle of a door closed.

His efforts were futile as the door was ripped open causing him to stumble backwards. Natalya advanced, holding a knife over her head, staring down the nation in front of her as she cornered him. 

Without hesitation, Alfred pulled the gun out of his waistband and aimed at her, immediately regretting it.

She did a double take and froze. Once their eyes met they never left as the long seconds of silence followed. As hard as it was to stay put, he almost broke when he saw the hurt amounting in her eyes.

He imagined what Matthew would look like if he pulled a gun on him. Probably the same. 

“In the room. Now.” He motioned toward the office that Ivan attempted to trap her in earlier.

“Why are you so mean…?” She pleaded, slowly complying with Alfred’s demands.

She paced backwards into the open office. She had long dropped her weapons and had her hands up in surrender. “You’re so obsessed with him! He doesn’t care about you! You know that!” She sank, and sobbed into her hands, repeating the same statement over and over again.

Alfred pulled himself away and left the room. Taking effort to be quiet while shutting the door. Out of respect maybe? He didn’t know. It just felt right. She did technically save his life so maybe it was the most he could do. Ivan moved quickly to slide a chair under the doorknob after he moved away. Alfred didn’t even notice he left. 

“I didn’t mean to make her cry.” His voice was unable to get louder than a whisper. 

Ivan frowned at the door. “She will get over it.”

The two looked at each other. A silent “what now?” exchanged between them in their brief moment of peace.

At the end of the hallway, a small crowd had formed. A woman with two guards in tow, pushed past the others and stood in front of the two nations.

“Does your government know you’re here?” She asked, a hint of panic in her voice. 

“Of course!” Ivan answered quickly. A little too quickly for it to be a lie. He casually slung an arm around Alfred. “I knew you guys would freak out so I didn’t tell ya he’d be visiting. Give us a few more minutes to wrap up our meeting and we can get this commie back where he belongs.” 

A few gasps erupted from the small crowd of workers upon hearing the word “commie.” 

Alfred quickly mimicked Ivan’s pose. The break in conversation allowed him to hear Natalya still crying through the door. He tightened his grip on Ivan’s suit.

“His sister is a little too protective of him. Don't worry about her. Give her a minute to calm herself down.” Ivan laughed nervously, giving Alfred’s back two rough pats of reassurance.

She pointed to the gun still in Alfred’s hand. “We will have to confiscate that. You boys weren’t fighting were you?” 

“No! Our disagreements get loud but we could never get violent here! I’d have to be out of my goddamn mind!” He laughed, hoping Ivan got the message.

“Alfred, are you sure this is okay?” The woman asked while he was handing the gun to one of the security guards who held it like it was diseased. 

Ivan seemed briefly taken aback that she used Alfred’s name but quickly recovered. “Yes. Like I said, we just need to wrap things up.” 

She sighed and shook her head disapprovingly. “Very well.” She turned to leave, spotting Matthew pushing through the crowd. He appeared like he had aged ten years since they all last saw each other. “Oh, Canada, we’d like to discuss something with you if you have the time.” 

“Sure, just one second.” He said as he approached. Once the workers fizzled out he spoke again, his voice low and uncharacteristically threatening. “You two are out of control. You have fifteen minutes to work it out and get back to normal before I tell them what’s really going on.” He didn’t wait for a reply as he turned to leave. 

They stood in silence for a moment before Ivan began to walk, leading the way back to the office. 

“Your acting got better.” Alfred said dryly.

“I learned from the best.” He replied, smirking when Alfred rolled his eyes in response. 

Once back to the office, Ivan pushed the door shut and dug into his pockets. 

Alfred leaned against his desk, taking in a long breath.

“What was your plan with this?” Ivan asked, holding up the device that started it all. A more flimsy looking version, but it was the same nonetheless. “You said this was never supposed to happen. Well, what was?” 

“It really doesn’t matter, Ivan.” He sighed. He wouldn’t like the answer and would be able to tell if Alfred was lying. There was no winning. 

“Even now you still don’t trust me. Why?” 

Maybe because he tried to kill him multiple times. But Alfred wouldn’t say that. He wouldn’t respond. Why would anyone trust someone like Ivan?

After a long while, Ivan spoke up again. “You make a better Russia than I do. You actually enjoy it. So, why don’t we stay this way?” 

Alfred watched the ticket back to his normal life shatter to pieces when it hit the floor with a loud clack.

All that effort for nothing. All the work and stress was completely worthless just because Ivan wanted a moment of control. To kick him while he was down. He wanted to get another rise out of Alfred and he succeeded.

“What the hell makes you think that I enjoy this!? I’ve been miserable this entire time!” He shouted. “The moment I was slapped by your whack ass commie, I knew this was gonna be shit! Dude practically said ‘Hey, Alfred, you’re gonna be treated like an asshole from here on out!’”

Ivan took a step forward. “They treat you like an asshole because you are one.” 

“Look me in the eyes and say that again.” Alfred snapped, making sure their eyes met. “This whole fucking time I’ve been treated like shit! It’s been miserable! The meeting in Moscow, the meeting in Germany, the dinner, even now! The only time I have been happy throughout this whole experience was when I got to talk to you!”

For the first time, Alfred could clearly read through him. Through the hurt and understanding in his eyes. Ivan finally had words to explain how he felt. Alfred was right. He loved the bickering, the teasing, it kept him just as entertained as it did Alfred. But as quick as it came, he became unreadable again.

“Welcome to my life.” He admitted. 

The sting across his face was all too familiar. Alfred had been slapped far too many times this past week. More than in his entire life. And unlike last time, he wouldn’t let Ivan get away with it. 

He moved quickly without even thinking, grabbing Ivan’s collar and shoving him against the wall. He dragged him up until their eyes were leveled. He didn’t care if Ivan recognized the strength he had or how pathetic and small he looked as he tried desperately to find some sort of leverage beneath him.

“You know what your problem is?” Alfred started. “Your problem is that you don’t have someone who can knock you down a peg. You’re not even surrounded by yes-men, you’re surrounded by people who are too scared to tell you to cut it out with your bullshit. Your government doesn’t even count since they don’t listen to you! You have no control over your life and you’re terrified that people will start to notice if you don’t keep them quiet.”

Sure, Alfred was far from humble, but anytime he gave too much attitude to his family, they would immediately call him out. Ivan wasn’t like that. If he was upset, everyone else had to be. He wouldn’t let them even attempt to cheer him up. They eventually stopped trying.

“You’re in my shoes for under a week and you think you know who I am.” 

Alfred may not have been a mind reader, but like Ivan said, he was always one step ahead. Only because of one reason. The one who was putting on the act all along was Ivan. And it was incredibly predictable.

“They say you’re a mystery but you’re really not. It’s obvious who you think you are, who you want to be, and who you aren’t. You’re the only one who doesn’t understand you so let me spell it out,”

Ivan’s struggle came to a halt to give Alfred his full attention.

“You’re a big nation all alone in an even bigger world. A poor nation who relies on intimidation to keep himself safe. Yet that’s the only thing pushing you away from what you really want in life. Someone who sees through your act and is willing to laugh and play with you. It could be anybody but it pisses you off that that person is me. But the fact is, you let it be me. You want it to be me. That’s why I know it’s all bullshit. You’re not scared of me. You’re scared that I’ll figure it out and use it against you. That's why I’m so dangerous.”

Alfred let go of the other nation to give him a moment to really think about what he had said. 

“I hate you.” He said after a long while.

Alfred took a step back as Ivan slid down the wall, clutching onto himself for any kind of comfort. 

“Who are you talking to?” It was cruel to ask. He knew. But he did it anyway. 

“I don’t know.” His attempt at silently weeping faltered. His shaky voice and sniffling gave him away.

All he could do was watch. The room that ran so hot and hostile moments ago was now cold as ice. 

Ivan crying? Was it even possible? Alfred dreamed of this moment for so long. Wondered what it would take to get him to crack. The fall of the USSR? The Moon Landing? Alfred could only hope that he was there to witness it. To be the reason for it. But now… 

The rush of power didn’t flow through him like he thought it would. He didn’t feel better, stronger, or anything. Making two communist nations cry in one day wasn’t satisfying, it was just tragic. 

The person he had been beefing with for decades was merely a human at the end of the day. A nation yes, but a human as well. The same human who went against his own government just to ease Ludwig’s nerves for a brief moment. To keep two estranged brothers in contact despite the fact that it didn’t benefit him at all. 

Feeling his heart rate finally slow to a steady pace reminded him that he wasn’t fighting some soulless communist nation, but just a person that was easily hurt by Alfred’s careless words. It was so easy to forget that sometimes. 

He crouched down and reached an arm over the other nation in an attempted to pull him in.

“Don’t touch me!” He leapt away, sending his form crashing into the side of the bookshelf next to him. 

It was silent for another moment before Ivan spoke up again. “I can’t remember the last time someone hugged me. And the first time someone does, it’s not even meant for me.” 

“When did-“

“Arthur.” He explained. “I pushed him away the entire day, begged him to leave me alone, and he still stood by your side. He cares about you.”

“You know you have people that love you, Ivan. I really don’t know why you act like you don’t.” He let out a defeated sigh. “You just make it so damn hard.”

Silence followed. Alfred wasn’t sure if Ivan was processing the words or if he didn’t hear them altogether. 

He quit kneeling, sitting on the floor. He laid down fully, looking up at the ceiling as a few pieces of debris pressed into his skin uncomfortably.

Hopefully Matthew was already snitching by now. Maybe if they came in at this moment, it would be fine. Alfred could get chewed out by his government and have them fixed with a new device, whipped up just for him. Everything would work out in the end, at least for Alfred. He couldn’t say the same for Ivan whose punishment would surely be far more severe.

Alfred really fucked up. Maybe it was time to admit it. He fucked up yet the only punishment he would get was a slap on the wrist. There was no saying what greater consequences there were. Maybe their governments would just say fuck it and go to war, firing the nuclear missiles they always bragged about. And even if they did, Alfred wouldn’t be blamed. They would all point the finger at Ivan. Innocent Ivan who was strung along by Alfred the entire time.

Now that he considered it, his actions had an effect on everyone he came across. Matthew practically had multiple panic attacks, Arthur was worried, and Ludwig… Alfred completely intercepted and fucked with that entire exchanged. Even making him believe that there was something greater to say and then never being able to deliver on a promise he had no right making in the first place. 

It came to his surprise when he felt another presence lay down next to him, brushing shoulders. He fixated on looking up at the ceiling as well.

It wasn’t until then where Alfred recognized how his appearance mimicked the Ivan he knew. Messy, tired, and miserable. Like he was just a shell of a human.

“I still need to take my turn in the game.” Alfred suggested. “Number one, I really don’t hate you as much as you hate me. You piss me off, sure, but I don’t know. I hate commie Russia. Not Ivan.” 

“That makes no sense.” 

He sighed and continued. “Number two, Mattie was right. You do look better with a bit of extra chub.”

Ivan exhaled sharply. Something that could have been mistaken for a laugh if Alfred didn’t know better.

“Number three,” He paused. Debating whether or not to even say the first thing that came to mind. “I have a massive crush on you.” 

A few moments of silence went by. It didn’t bother Alfred. He knew Ivan believed him. It wasn’t like he was asking him out. He didn’t want that and he could imagine Ivan didn’t want that either. 

“You haven’t exactly been keeping the last one a secret.” He finally broke the silence. 

“So you’ve noticed?” 

“I knew the moment you told me you learned Russian.” He refused to meet Alfred’s eyes, still fixated on the ceiling. “I was very flattered.” 

Alfred assumed he was a little more than flattered but he would save that accusation for another day. Now wasn’t the time.

Ivan sighed, after a bit more debating. “I don’t see how any of them could be lies. Even though I would like them to be.” 

“You’d be correct then. Good job.” 

“You don’t play right.”

A nervous laugh escaped from Alfred’s mouth. “Do we ever?”

Chapter Text

An awkward silence settled loudly over the office they were being held in. There was nothing else to say. There was no longer the situation forcing them together so there was no need for conversation. They were themselves again, and Ivan never felt so out of place.

Once the US government was aware of what was going on, they fetched another one of the prototypes, did a few tweaks, and fixed them. Only in America could it be that simple.

The quick fixes did come at a price though. They mentioned something about temporary blurred vision and nausea being side effects but they failed to mention how long “temporary” was.

Occasionally, the sound of rapid whispers and light jogging from the halls would break the silence. No doubt the whole building was still in a panic. So was Ivan.

He didn’t keep his end of the deal with his government. Even if he did, the fact that he was now in the hands of the enemy and being handed water and crackers like a stray animal was enough to say that the mission failed. Not that he had much hope for the promise to be upheld to begin with. 

Maybe, if the US government was as nice to him as they were to Alfred, they would allow him a chance to go home and dust off his uniform before the bombs start dropping.

Ivan attempted to shake the threats of war out of his mind. The fact that the two were allowed to be alone together was already a good sign. Maybe. He had no doubt that the room was bugged and guards would run in at the first sign of hostility.

The silence would have been nice if Alfred wasn’t in the room. Getting the silent treatment from him was unnerving.

The nation looked down at his hands, his face obstructed by his hair. If Ivan had to guess, he was simply ashamed that he got caught and Ivan was there to witness his failure. He wouldn’t be worried about a potential nuclear war, especially when he wouldn’t be the one blamed.

A voice sounded over the ringing in his head. “I’m sorry.” There was a pause. “It wasn’t all that bad though. But maybe that's just me making excuses for myself. I don’t know.”

Nothing could have ever prepared him for a genuine apology from Alfred. The same Alfred who had been placing the blame on him for any minuscule occurrence for the past few decades.

Alfred snuck a glance at him. “I really am sorry. For the thing with your government, the meeting, hurting you, the things I said, everything. I just wanted to know more about you but I fucked up. I shouldn’t have done any of this.” He continued to speak, like he was scared to let the silence speak for him. “I did learn more about you though. I learned that you have a sense of humor, you have a heart, a great personality.” 

Ivan figured it was his raw unfiltered thoughts. He had never seen Alfred seem so unsure and so vulnerable. It was more awkward than the silence was. He wanted to tell him to stop but he just kept going.

“To be honest, it's kinda… cute? No. That's not the word. Well, I already said it. Fuck it. You’re cute. And sweet. And funny. And dumb. And charming in your own strange way. It's why I have this weird crush on you I guess.” 

“It was not all bad.” Ivan said after a while, earning Alfred’s full attention. His eyes pleaded with him to go on. “To say I did not have a bit of fun would be a lie. But that was to be expected. I always have fun talking to you.”

Alfred's eyes widened at the confession. It was true. Ivan’s favorite part of any meeting was watching Alfred try and play with him. He just wished he didn’t do it in front of the others. He could never bring himself to engage in such a manner that didn’t escalate the situation or earn disapproving stares from the other nations. 

“However, unlike you, I did not learn much. Maybe you wear a mask, maybe you don’t. I don’t know. But that’s what I like about you. You keep me guessing. It’s frustrating but entertaining.” 

Alfred frowned but didn’t say anything.

“I also learned that you are a grower and not a shower.” Ivan attempted to lighten the mood.

“Damn right I am!” Alfred hopped on the opportunity, a weight seeming to be lifted off his shoulders. “Arthur was right! It always comes back to that!”

They both laughed like absolutely nothing important had taken place just moments prior. Maybe they were both the same type of crazy after all. 

“Y'know what? I wasn’t gonna say it because we were having a sentimental moment, but I also learned that you’re super fucking gay. For me! And you can’t deny that!”

“I wasn’t going to.” 

Alfred seemed pleasantly taken back by that reply. “So, I’m guessing you meant what you said when you were drunk?” He prodded him teasingly.

Ivan sighed. Alfred always pushed his luck, didn’t he? “I still won’t answer that.”

“And thats still a fucking yes!”

“Alfred.” An American woman interrupted them and motioned him over to the door. 

He sighed and got up, wobbling a bit as he stood in the doorway. The woman whispered something to him that Ivan couldn’t hear, which Alfred aggressively shook his head at. 

“No, he’s a part of this too.” He took a step back into the room, refusing to follow her to resume the conversation in private like she wanted.

The woman continued to whisper, Ivan couldn’t catch any words.

“Hell no! Whose idea was that!? Just write up the contract. We both had a shit week. Thats the last thing we wanna do right now.”

She raised her voice just slightly, allowing Ivan to hear. “Alfred, he tried to bug our offices. We can’t just let him go.”

“We’re Americans not American’ts! Write the contract and send him home.” He said, then proceeded to slam the door in her face.

How the hell could he be so casually assertive with his government workers? It was so strange. He anticipated for the door to fly back open and their argument to resume in a much more heated manner. But instead, the clack of her heels faded down the hall. 

“You’re a bully.” Ivan stated, as Alfred made his way back to his chair.

“I can call her back if you want.” He stopped in his tracks, his words holding no real threat. “I figured you wouldn’t want this whole thing hung over your head for the next couple of decades.” 

There was no arguing with that. “You like me.” Ivan smiled.

“You looooooooove me.”

Ivan wouldn’t argue with that either. “I really do have a teasing kink, don’t I?”

“You’re just now figuring that out? I’m glad I was your awakening.” Alfred clapped his hands together loudly. “Okay my turn. Shouldn’t you be apologizing to me now?”

“For what? I’m not sorry.”

“Motherfucker, you tried to shoot me!”

“I tried to shoot myself.” He corrected him.

Before their disagreement could get heated, the door swung open again. 

“You two alright?” Matthew entered the room with Natalya in tow. He did a double take at Alfred, noticing the redness in his eyes. “Were you crying?” 

“Yeah. I got sad.” Alfred brushed it off with a wave of the hand. 

Liar. He didn’t shed a tear after the swap. It was so strange. The way that Alfred would spare Ivan a bit of humiliation once in a while yet flaunt it every other chance he got. That probably wasn’t going to change anytime soon. 

“I guess I should apologize to the two of you as well.” Alfred sighed dramatically.

“Ew.” Natalya and Matthew said in unison.

“You see, this is why I don’t say sorry.” He crossed his arms in faux frustration. “I speak from my heart and soul and the crowd boos at me.”

Matthew rolled his eyes. “Fine. Thanks. I’ll mark my calendar.” He sat down next to his brother and exchanged a brief side hug with him. 

“Your turn.” Alfred turned to Ivan again. “I know you’re not gonna apologize to my sorry ass but Mattie deserves one after what you did to him.” 

“No. He called me fat.” 

“He did what!?” Natalya shouted from next to him. Ivan quickly called her off before she could pounce on the poor nation already cowering in fear. She linked her arm with Ivan’s and leaned into his side. “You should have told me about all of this. He always makes you do weird things.” 

“Yes yes, I know.”

Eventually, the woman from before came back with four copies of the same contract. “Russia, we got in contact with your government.” His stomach sank as he prepared to hear the worst. “They practically laughed in our faces because ‘they knew all along.’” She scoffed. “But they’re on their way to bring you and Belarus back home. They have already approved of this contract and have agreed to sign it themselves as well.” 

Great. Now Ivan had no choice but to sign. However, he still read through it once they were distributed to the nations in the room. He must have read over the contract ten times to look for the catch. Matthew and Alfred had long signed it and Natalya was simply waiting for Ivan’s approval, not bothering to skim through it herself. 

The gist of the contract was simply forgetting everything. Starting at midnight, the past week didn’t happen in the eyes of anyone who signed on the dotted line. 

“You will be signing this contract too?” Ivan asked the woman. 

“I already have. Everyone who was present today will be required to.” 

Ivan didn’t know how to feel about it. He knew he should have felt relieved, and while yes, a part of him was, he was also somewhat disappointed. 

It was relieving that everyone would keep their mouths shut, especially Alfred who wouldn’t go around telling the other nations about his crazy adventures with Ivan and the embarrassing things he had said and done during it. He was also incredibly grateful that his government would be forgetting as well so he didn’t have to deal with the punishment he would have received otherwise. 

However, it was sad. Sad that all those memories would just disappear. The parts that he wouldn’t want to forget. The fun he had. Their relationship would go back to the way it was and a part of him didn’t want that. 

All good things come to an end. And yes, calling the whole experience a “good thing” was completely false. There were ups and downs but he wasn’t lying when he said he had fun. He didn’t just say that to comfort an uneasy Alfred. 

It was for the better. And with that, he signed his full name on the line. Natalya soon followed and handed her copy back to the woman who left with a nod. 

“Oh, shit!” Alfred hopped up in realization. “Okay, listen. I know we just signed a contract but I need to tell you something.”

And here he was, already trying to breach the agreement. Classic Alfred. “You might wanna talk to Ludwig. I kinda told him you would have Gilbert write a letter to him.” 

“Well, it's a good thing I planned on doing that anyway.” He lied. The thought of doing that never crossed his mind until now. But no one had to know that. 

The hours went by and Ivan was finally called to the runway where his plane home waited for him. Alfred had insisted on seeing him off even though he must have been exhausted by that point. He dragged Matthew along and a few members of his government as well. Just to keep the peace. 

Ivan was immediately greeted by his officials who postponed the handshakes to allow two of them to begin patting him down, probably searching for anything the Americans could have stuck onto him. There wasn’t. He would have noticed. 

The two backed off and resumed with a regular greeting. They skipped over doing the same check with Natalya, knowing they wouldn’t get far. 

While shaking hands, Aleks pulled him down to his level to whisper into his ear. “You’re in trouble.”

“For what? Nothing happened.” Ivan dared to respond. They had all signed the same contract. This was forgotten about, wasn’t it?

“We have exactly twelve minutes before that becomes effective. Let's go.” 

Of course. That part of the contract must have been their suggestion just so they could have a few minutes to yell at him for being so stupid. Thank God, the bad weather delayed their flight by an hour and made them arrive late. Still, the next twelve minutes will be hell. 

He gave Alfred and his brother a final polite nod and prayed that they didn’t hear the exchange before following his comrades down the tarmac. The hum of the jet got louder as he approached, filling him with a greater sense of dread.

The officials boarded first. Ivan stopped outside the door and stepped aside to allow his sister in, just to delay the inevitable for a few seconds longer.

“Hey!” Alfred called from the spot he left him. He stretched his arms and held a tempting devilish smile. “Nobody has to know!” 

The Americans shook their heads but never once scolded Alfred for his actions. Maybe they weren’t shaking their heads in disapproval but in fondness. A way that said “Alfred will be Alfred.” The same type of way Ivan looked at him from time to time. 

A muffled command in Russian was shouted from behind him as he turned himself around and walked down the steps. They were easy to ignore. Unlike the obnoxious American. 

The two broke out into a run and met halfway. They nearly knocked each other off over when they collided, their arms wrapped around each other as an anchor as they struggled to regain their balance on the slippery pavement.

Alfred was holding onto him just as tightly as he was. It was hard to breathe under the pressure but neither complained. Somehow it was relaxing. If he wanted to, Ivan could absolutely rest his head on his shoulder, close his eyes, and fall asleep.

It was just as confusing as the hug he shared with Arthur, however this one was all for him. And that felt good.

They swayed for a long while, basking in each other's warmth. Neither of them wanted to be the one to let go.

“I’m sorry, Alfred.” 

“Shut up, dude. Don’t apologize to me.” His voice was stern but held no real malice. Like always. “I don’t need it. I don’t speak for everyone though.”

“I know.” He exhaled, taking the hint. 

They pulled away slowly, their hands lingering on each other until the last possible moment. It would be the last time they could touch each other at all. No more playful jabs, or pushing, or god forbid roughhousing. They would have to go back to making the effort to avoid contact.

Alfred quickly turned around and waved to his brother. “Mattie’s turn!” 

Matthew, who was just gawking at them, jumped in shock upon being mentioned. “No, no. I’m good. I’ll pass.”

“Matthew,” Ivan smiled and motioned him over. 

He hesitantly joined them and Ivan snatched him up in a tight hug. It didn’t feel as good as the one he had just shared with Alfred but it was still nice. 

“Alright, that's enough.” He wheezed, giving his back a few awkward pats but Ivan didn’t budge. Matthew sighed in defeat. “Fine, Alfred established the no kissing Ivan rule though so let’s not do all that.” 

“Sorry I kissed you at the meeting. It’s a Soviet thing.” He whispered into his ear.

“Uh huh.” He responded, sounding not at all convinced.

He pulled away. As much as he would love to torture Matthew longer, he had already put him through enough. He doubted that Matthew would miss him.

He looked back to Alfred. “Give me a call fifty years from now.” He could only hope it came out as a joke like he intended. If it didn’t, then it’ll be forgotten about anyway.

“Only fifty!?” Alfred’s eyes widened. “You, sir, have a deal!” 

Their hands came together to seal the deal with a loud clap that stung both their hands. But that never happened. 

“What time is it?” Alfred called to a member of his government who stood off to the side.

“Uh, 11:59.” 

He thanked them before turning back to Ivan. “Walk back slowly.” He said with a wink and released his hand.

So he did hear. Ivan couldn’t help but smile back at him before taking his sweet time retracing his steps. 

He held onto every memory from the past week as long as he could. Each slowly disappeared and was carried away by the damp wind with every step he took up the stairs. Admittedly, some were easier to let go but he saved onto his favorites until the last step.

“One more thing,” 

Ivan rolled his eyes hearing the voice that would soon start giving him headaches again. Natalya attempted to drag him into the plane but Ivan stood in place.

“If you ever wanna live the fantasy of being the great United States ever again, you know where to find me!” He waved. “До свиданья!”

Everything about him was so bright. Everything. Even the shimmer in his eyes as he smiled directly at Ivan. 

That would be much harder to forget.