Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There they were. The same unimpressed brown eyes. It was the second time that week Rey had seen them in the back parking lot at school.

The student car park was behind the main building where all those who either drove or smoked cigarettes congregated at lunch to sit in their cars, pump music, and talk. Rey didn’t smoke but got to use her foster mom’s car when she was away for work so she hung out all the same.

Students from neighboring schools occasionally pulled in to visit, always staying in their cars and keeping a distance. These affluent types of schools were full of rules and someone was typically always watching.

That is where he fits it. The dark-haired guy with the stern eyes and the nice flat-black 70’s Camaro. Whether or not he was putting on airs, he looked dubious and the kids always hanging about his car were the shadier bunch in the school.

He had been coming around for a few months now and she had locked eyes with him once or twice. Maybe more. He always broke the contact first as if looking at her had been in error. Probably dealt drugs or something similar but honestly, Rey didn’t know. What she did know, with her sharp eighteen-year-old senses, was to keep to her side of the lot. Maintaining her flawless grades was her first priority with socializing a not too distant second.

Rey had been in enough shitty foster placements to appreciate where she was now. She would neither waste this chance nor let her foster mother, Maz, down. The petite woman, with the large eyes and even larger glasses, had taken one look at Rey and told her it was her time to thrive.

Plus…. Rey had been single for less than six weeks so boys were not exactly a draw.

So, she thought nothing of it when Poe Dameron approached her locker when the end-of-the-day bell rang. She was standing with her closest friends, Rose and Janna, who were deciding on whose house to meet up at after supper. Poe was one of those smoking-out-back-leather-jacket-wearing types but he was friendly with everyone so it wasn’t that out of the blue for him to stop by their lockers and chat.

“What’s up ladies,” he smiled, looking rather fit for a guy who had never played sports. “Any plans tonight?”

Rose carried on loading her binders into her locker and Janna gave a breezy ‘not sure’ shrug so Rey spoke up as Poe was a nice guy.

“Might meet up with some of the others at the beach after dark. What about you.”

“Me and some of the guys are going to rendezvous behind Macdonald’s at 9 pm. Go from there. Some peeps from Claremont are coming. You should join.”

“Claremont, eh?”

It was the other private school in the district, prestigious like Rey’s but with a reputation for being a bit wild. Janna’s brother had transferred there a few years back for their higher-profile basketball program and she had bitched that her parents had played favorites ever since.

“Yeah, okay, maybe,” Rey answered not sounding convinced.

“You gonna be driving?” he asked which surprised Rey as she was the only one who occasionally had a car. Rose hadn’t even gone for her learners yet and Janna supposedly shared a car with her brother but Rey had maybe seen her drive it twice.

“Well, I won’t be getting a license in the next 6 hours,” Rose laughed.

“Fair enough,” Poe smiled. “So maybe see you there?”

Hmm….

That was interesting and Rey wondered if Poe or one of the other outbackers were interested in one of her friends. The crowd Rey ran with since starting at the school the previous year were the preppier sort; the academics, and jocks. They hadn’t actually been the stand-off-ish stereotypical sort Rey had worried they would be. Her crowd, for sure, was not the smokers who hit the bongs hard on the weekends but at her school, the various crowds mixed well enough. Unlikely hookups weren’t that out of the ordinary but Rey certainly wasn’t interested. Hell no. She had met a really, super sweet guy the previous year and got away relatively unscathed. The boy whose heart she had broken, not so much. Poor Finn. But she didn’t want any obligations. She had school to focus on and this was a university qualifying year. Engineering was her future.

----

The evening air was a bit sharp so she was glad she wore her white denim coat and blue jeans. It was nearly dark and Rey was with a group of eight or ten friends standing between parked cars at the playground not far from the beach. The closest street lamp was out so the only light came from the radios playing in the cars lined up in a row. The music was loud enough to hear but not grab the attention of the tidy-looking homes across the street.

If Rey was being honest, she was bored as hell and the night was shaping up to look like the previous few weekends. Deciding to have a drink, she grabbed a cider from the full box in the trunk of Maz’s car passing the keys and responsibility over to Janna. ‘No problem’ was Janna’s reply that came in the form of a quick nod. Rey had been driving her around for over a year so Janna didn’t mind.

The headlights of two vehicles rolling past and pulling in made everyone turn and look and Rey immediately recognized both. It was Poe’s white van and the low-slung Camaro tailing close behind. Whiskey-eyes was in there. He had to be and it wasn’t immediately apparent but she had SOME reaction, nerves maybe or just feeling a bit on the spot for brushing off Poe’s earlier invitation.

“Guess nothing was happening at Macdonald’s,” Rose laughed.

“Shocking,” Janna added sarcastically, taking a drag of her cigarette and blowing the smoke in the opposite direction.

“Cause hanging out beside the jungle gym is so much cooler,” Rey droned back, squinting at the now parked cars, noticing that the Camaro looked full of people.

Not letting her sights linger, she turned back to her friends, taking a few long pulls of her drink, and in the distance heard car doors open and close. The sound of footsteps crunching over gravel approached from behind.

“It’s Janna, right?” a girl’s voice called and in unison, the three of them spun around.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Janna answered, in her strong yet cheerful voice.

Standing before them was a tall, VERY tall, blonde girl, a little older than them with distinct features; a small narrow nose, large eyes, and the shortest hair Rey had ever seen on a girl. Her gaze was even, her face open but not over-the-top friendly.

“I trained with Lani last year at Claremont,” she explained.

Lani was Janna’s brother, two years older, popular but a total prick unless he needed something.

“I’m Phasma,” she gave a small smile and they all nodded their hellos.

“Hey, we are headed to a friend of my boyfriend’s place if you want to come? Have some drinks. Can’t blow the doors wide but you girls are welcome to come.”

“Yeah, sure, okay,” Rose and Janna’s mixed replies came at the same time and Phasma’s eyes lingered on Rey.

Phasma really was pretty in a classic way. If not a tad intimidating.

Knowing the plan was set, Rey took a few more drinks of her cider, finishing it, still in the back of her mind wondering who exactly was in that car.

The tall blonde turned and began to head back but stopped and looked again at Rey.

“You’re not driving I take it?” she glanced at the empty Rey was returning to the box in the trunk.

“For once, no,” she replied quietly.

“Ride with us,” she jerked her head in the direction of the Camaro. “The girls can follow,” she smiled and Rey felt caught off guard.

“That’s okay,” Rey smiled back. “We’ll see you there.”

“No,” Phasma’s smile widened and she took a step closer, offering her arm for Rey to link up. “I insist.”

Shit.

The Camaro was nice. Really nice. Classic with a black leather interior. It had the faintest smell of cigarettes, beer, and leather. A total guy car and a step up from the late model Honda Accord Rey was used to. She was NOT complaining though but she did like that Camaro far more. In her previous placement, her foster parent had a mechanic shop. He worked on all types of cars but Rey always took interest in the classics.

But….inside this Camaro…. the atmosphere was anything but nice. For Rey at least. A tall, rather serious red-headed guy had opened the door, folding the seat forward for Rey and Phasma to climb in. Phasma’s boyfriend Rey assumed by the way he smacked her ass when she slid past.

Mr. Whiskey-Eyes was the driver and when Rey settled back in the seat, she realized those nerves earlier had nothing to do with running into Poe. It was him. The driver. As Maz would say, ‘trouble with a capital T’ and being that close to him made her feel.....funny.

The ride was quick and the house they were headed to turned out to be only a few minutes away but it felt like a different neighborhood. The houses were mansions; the original waterfront estates in the area before it was all chopped up into lots and sold. The gates on the driveway were open and they drove up a long driveway to a beautiful Tudor-style home set well back from the road. It looked about 10,000 square feet from the driveway and if it hadn’t been for those serious brown eyes glancing up at Rey in the rearview mirror, she would have turned around to make sure her friends were still following.

Inside the house was equally as amazing; soaring ceilings and a gracious front entry, an incredible kitchen with a large family room off to one side. Mahogany galore. Rey settled with Phasma on a large leather couch and from where they sat, Rey saw that the French doors on the other side of the pool table led out to a massive back-lit swimming pool. Homes like this weren’t that uncommon in her new world but she still appreciated its elegance.

There wasn’t a parent in sight and no mention of one which struck Rey as normal. It was always the wealthy and unsupervised doing the most scandalous things. But no one there was doing anything scandalous. They were simply there for drinks and to hang out.

Phasma handed her some type of boozy beverage and she was unsure as to why, yet relieved, Phasma had taken Rey under her wing.

Entering the room and walking with a stiff march, the Camaro driver headed straight for the leather chair on the far side of Phasma. He didn’t make eye contact with Rey or anyone else but she still felt as if he had noticed her. And, his distinct walk made Rey realize that she had never seen him out of his car at school.

Sinking down into his seat, he stretched his long legs out, crossing them on the coffee table, immediately raising his hand and accepting a bottle from Phasma’s boyfriend who walked in behind, carrying a case of beer.

“I haven't introduced you,” Phasma raised her hand. “This is my boyfriend, Hux, and this is Ben Solo,” Rey’s eyes flitted over to Camaro-man but he was gazing at something, nothing, off in the kitchen. “And Snap is just outside having a smoke with his girlfriend, Kaydel.

Her eyes shifted to the French doors and she could see the outlines of two people kissing on the patio.

Oh shit, realization struck her. They were the First Order! Snap, Solo, Hux… She had heard of them - The starting line-up of Claremont First Order basketball team. Many of the players were already being scouted by top universities, and some she had heard were even being watched by pro teams.

That wasn’t the only thing said about the First Order. They were notorious. The team was known for wild parties; drugs, drinking, and general debauchery. Rey couldn’t recall anything specific about these three, but the rumors, in general, weren’t good and she realized she probably shouldn’t be there. Not that anything wayward was happening….and rumors tended to get embellished. Plus, they were only sharing some beers and awkward conversation. Hardly different than what her friends got up to on the weekends minus the awkward bit.

Speaking of, where were her friends? And why hadn’t Phasma shared Rey’s name when introducing her to the guys?

As if on cue, Rose and Janna and the long-lost Poe Dameron strolled in, cheerful and boisterous and thankfully taking the pressure off Rey from having to talk.

Someone had turned on music and Snap and his girlfriend, Kaydel, came inside to join in. A game of pool began and Rey stayed on the couch with her friends and Phasma. Ben remained slumped in his chair, quiet, broody looking, and giving the impression he would have preferred to be alone. Why had he invited them over, she wondered?

Phasma, Rose, and Janna gabbed about the differences in schools and universities. It came as no surprise that Plasma was also a star basketball player. Not being the sporty type, Rey sat and listened, quietly finishing her drink but, in a flash, it was replaced with another.

As always Poe was the most animated in the room, and Hux, who now seemed far more at ease, was listening intently to the details of how Poe’s father made so much money selling appliances. Rose was a good sport despite not drinking and joined in the conversation knowing many of the same people as Phasma.

Rey could have sworn Ben scoffed when Rey rolled her eyes at Janna who went outside to smoke weed with Poe but when she glanced over, Ben was back to staring in the opposite direction and picking the label off his beer. It felt weird…...sitting in a room with lively people and she and Ben were the only ones not par-taking. Rey was hardly anti-social but for whatever reason that night, or in that house, the atmosphere felt… heavy. It wasn’t the alcohol though; Rey was almost sure it was him. Ben Solo. Every bit of her focus seemed to be spent on ignoring him and for some unknown reason, she felt he was doing the same.

“Whereabouts is the washroom?” Rey whispered to Phasma who raised her hand to point down the hall.

“It's just down the...”

“I need another beer,” Ben interrupted, his voice so much different than what she expected. It was smoother somehow, breathier but deep. “I’ll show her,” his eyes flicked over to Rey as he pushed himself up out of the chair.

Rey’s instincts from before seemed right as his body language was awkward. He moved stiffly with that same distinct walk but it was still oddly agile as if he was holding himself back. One thing was for sure, he wasn't comfortable being watched.

Christ, Rey thought, as she followed, he could have just told her where it was. A guided tour felt unnecessary and the beer he left on the table was hardly empty.

Through the kitchen, he moved down a long hallway lined with closed doors and Rey was almost certain one of them had to have been a bathroom. Just as her feet slowed assessing where she was going, he glanced back and jerked his head for her to keep following.

Ohh-kay……

Opening the door at the very end, he walked in, not looking behind. Stopping at the threshold she surveyed the huge room and there was no question it was his. It had the same dark wood floors and wood trim as the house, a neatly made bed with navy linens, large windows, fitted with wooden blinds, and navy curtains. The room was lined with furniture; a dresser, desk, and shelves loaded with books but it was the framed picture hanging above his bed that held her attention. Behind glass was a macabre-style charcoal drawing of that character from Star Wars with the black helmet. Half the helmet was burnt away showing a badly gnarled and fire-damaged face - melted muscles and tendons exposed, a graphic eyeball staring back. Nice room, she thought, but the artwork was a touch dramatic.

As he dropped down onto a couch and again lifted his legs up onto a low coffee table, he pointed at an open door which she assumed was his private bathroom.

Ohh-kay…. she thought as she tiptoed past and into the ensuite, closing the door. Again, it struck her how clean everything was, even smelt good like some faint cologne and she hoped the thick wooden door would muffle the sound of her peeing.

After washing her hands, and a lip gloss touch-up, Rey opened the door, not sure he would still be there. He was…. lounging on the couch, watching the tv on the adjacent wall. There was no acknowledgment when she re-emerged so she mumbled some sort of ‘thanks’ and crossed the room, heading for the door.

“Are you afraid of me?” he spoke at her back causing her to stop and turn around. Aside from the glances in the rear-view mirror, it was the first time he had looked directly at her.

And holy hell, was it direct.

“No,” she lied trying not to sneak a peek at his tight black shirt stretched over his muscular chest and arms. She definitely didn’t want to be caught staring at his perfect black hair, styled in that ‘perfect hot guy way.’ God, he was striking, even unique looking, with an angular face, dotted pale skin, and full lips that on a guy were…

Oh fuck. She was caught staring and his piercing dark eyes held hers. She froze like an idiot.

The angle of his chin lifted slightly, and the corner of his mouth twitched making Rey think he was somehow pleased. A sweep of goosebumps spread over her skin and she crossed her arms feeling cold. Was her stomach upset? Or, maybe it was her nerves simply clawing out your insides. No big deal. She could recover from this and act natural.

“Then sit,” he said casually, as he looked away and Rey detected the slightest hint of a dare in his tone.

Why? She wanted to ask but didn’t, wondering if he was trying to intimate her. One thing she did suspect was that his aloofness was only a ploy to draw her in like some animal lying still until its prey approached. Funny, she thought. It Wouldn’t work. She had to get back to her friends….

“Okay,” she blurted instead and walked over, slowly sitting down, her body sensing the mere two inches of space between them. Oh goodie, she hadn’t noticed before; they were sitting on a love seat.

Like the force of nature he felt like, he seemed to somehow read her thoughts, shifting his leg just a smidge so his dark jeans brushed up against her light ones. Reflexes alive, she squeezed her knees together, pulling her leg away.

“Grab me a beer,” he said, nodding in the direction of the bar fridge next to the tv.

What teenager had a friggin sitting room and bar fridge in their bedroom, Rey wondered, only realizing then that he had ordered her instead of asking.

If her eyes hadn’t scanned his crossed legs extended out on the coffee table, she would have missed the lines of what appeared to be a brace or some sort of tensor around his knee showing through his jeans. It looked slightly bulkier than his other knee. Was he injured, she wondered? Is that why he had a stiff walk? Was it from basketball? Is that why he asked her to get him a beer? She kinda felt bad for a moment thinking his shitty mood could be because he was in pain.

Slowly but with no attempt to conceal it, he let out a long sigh, snapping Rey out of her analysis and she realized then that perhaps she was a bit buzzed. But out of the corner of her eye, she saw him smirk as if he thought she was ogling him….again.

What a dick.

“Get a beer for yourself too,” he chimed as if offering a token reward for her obedience.

Maybe he simply remembered that manners were a thing. Probably not though and this was likely the extent of his chivalry.

Returning with two beers she handed him one not expecting AND not getting any sort of thanks. His eyes stayed glued to the tv.

“Do you even like beer?” he asked, and it felt like a dig.

“Yeah,” she answered taking a small sip.

God, she hated beer.

For a few minutes, they both stared at a music video, some ethereal, whiny song, about a hunter in the night sung by an emo-looking guy. It suited Ben perfectly and the longer they listened the more uncomfortable she felt being there… alone in his room……essentially two strangers…sharing the world’s smallest couch.

Mentally, she cleared her thoughts and decided she should say something before more alcohol hit her bloodstream.

“My name is…”

“I know your name,” he cut her off sounding annoyed.

Ohh-kay, it was getting even stranger and Rey wondered if her friends would eventually come looking for her.

“Pray to your god, open your heart, whatever you do, don’t be afraid of the dark…” the song played on and it felt like the tension was building but what could she say? She didn’t know him and wasn't going to attempt small talk again. Just as the air seemed to be getting sucked out of the room, Rey shifted on the loveseat making him look over.

“What?” she asked, defensively.

Without a word, he just stared, his eyes scanning the features of her face. The skin on her cheeks began to warm and she felt oddly embarrassed.

She had to get out of there.

“Well, this was fun,” she pushed her hands down into the soft leather to get up but he grabbed her forearm making her gasp. Their eyes locked again, her hazel ones with his honey-browns, his eyebrows pinched as if he was pissed off.

“I thought you weren’t afraid of me,” he whispered and she noticed how much closer he was all of a sudden. Jesus, his eyes…. they were dark and cold yet somehow so human and at the same time bottomless. She just stared back as if hypnotized, definitely drunk, but it was the quick flutter of his lashes and a look of uncertainty that crossed his face that had her focus again.

“My. Arm. Please,” she articulated through clenched teeth, and, even to her own ears, she sounded scared.

Tilting his head, he blinked again and began to chuckle, flashing a forced smile and releasing her arm. Smoothly, casually, he leaned forward and grabbed the TV remote off the table as if picking it up had been his plan all along. She slammed her beer down, and stood, rushing for the door. She was fucking done with Ben Solo.

“See you at school, beautiful,” he called in a patronizing voice and as she rounded the corner to the hall, the volume of the tv rose and the last words of the song felt foreboding.

“Cover your eyes, the devil’s inside.”

Chapter Text

The following week was mundane. Not once did Rey catch a glimpse of the black Camaro at school and she had spent all her breaks out back in the lot. For reasons she had yet to figure out, she could not stop thinking about him. About Ben...

In fact, that entire night at his house stayed on her mind like a faded fuzzy dream. Still, she kept analyzing and picking apart every moment she could remember. The way he had looked at her, the mocking way he spoke, how he had grabbed her wrist. It hadn't hurt, but it was shocking.

The detail that stuck out the most, and the feeling she couldn't shake, was how even in a room filled with others, Rey somehow FELT him. Like some pull or draw. Some dread or distraction, something so captivating. It was strange and by Friday, without seeing him at school, it wasn't relief she felt, it was a bit of melancholy.

The girls noticed and chalked it up to PMS so they all decided to skip going home and headed straight from school to the mall. That proved uninteresting and after a couple of hours of wandering shops, trying on rings at the kiosks, and hitting up the food court, the three of them headed to HUBB City to catch a flick.

Standing in line at the movie theater, it was Janna who spotted them first.

"Heads up," she nudged Rey’s arm.

Turning around, Rey saw Poe waiving at them. He had a huge grin and both Snap and Ben were standing behind. Rey’s stomach did a flip-flop and she made a face, which Rose happened to notice.

"Dude, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Fine, yea."

"Didn't that Ben guy freak you out a bit last weekend?" she asked, casually sneaking a glance.

"I don't know. Maybe,” Rey replied. “Maybe it was just me."

"He is.... intense," Rose added.

"Yeah,” Janna scoffed. “My brother told me some kid at Oak Springs High owed those First Order guys money…”

Janna was using her 'this was some juicy shit' tone of voice.

“…..and Ben showed up in that muscle car of his, scared the crap out of him. Waived a gun around in the parking lot."

"What!" both Rey and Rose shout-whispered at the same time.

Janna’s brows arched high. "I don't know...just telling you what I heard."

A quiet settled over them and Rey felt a bit sick and incapable, apparently, of stopping herself from turning and looking back at the guys. Again. Poe and Snap seemed to be discussing a poster on the wall but not Ben. Ben was staring right at her with those haunting. Waiting. It was a drastic change from the last time she saw him when he could barely make eye contact. This time he seemed to be keeping track of how long it was taking Rey to acknowledge him. Unsure of how to act, she gave a quick smile before turning away.

"Too bad he's a psycho," Janna whispered, "cause he's fucking hot."

They all burst out laughing and as Rey handed over her ticket and headed through the doors, she heard Poe call, "Save us some seats, ladies."

Great...... but fifteen minutes into the movie Rey figured that they had decided on something else as it was just the three girls sitting in their usual seats; center of the back row, directly beneath the booth streaming the film. Janna was in the middle bitching about the cost of popcorn and Rey was feeling chilled in the large dark theatre, wishing she had headed home before the movie to get changed out of her school uniform.

A commotion on the far side, followed by Poe’s not-so-quiet laugh, made them all turn and look toward the isle on Rose’s side. Making their way down the row was Poe and Snap; Poe was joking that he thought the girls were trying to hide from them by sitting up at the back. They must have been carrying $100 worth of snacks between them and Rey figured they had just gone somewhere to smoke weed.

Watching the entrance, she waited for Ben to come through but he never appeared... He wasn't there... Why wasn’t he there? Had he ditched, she wondered, feeling what? Confused? Disappointed? She wasn’t sure. Did he leave because of her?

The moment brought back the same anxiousness from the previous weekend, the claws back in her tummy, and her feelings were actually alittle hurt.

Oblivious to the film in front of her, it was the sound of movement on her side of the theater that made her turn and look. Shuffling down Rey’s row was Ben, his feet hitting the metal frame of the chairs in front as he approached.

Fuck, she nearly gasped, feeling a rush of adrenaline, realizing he was planning to sit with her. Tucking her loose hair behind her ear, she shifted in her seat unsure if she was nervous or excited.

Had he really flashed a gun? No. Stupid rumor. He couldn't have.

When he got close, his scent hit Rey like a memory and she recalled that subtle smell of aftershave in his bathroom. Unsure if she should say hello, she was let off the hook as his eyes looked everywhere but at her. Holding a massive drink in one hand and his leather jacket in the other, he stopped and awkwardly sat down.

Maybe he wasn’t awkward, after all, Rey thought taking in his long legs and broad shoulders, big hands, big feet. Maybe he was just big and the world was too small.

Rey was struck by his subtle look of insecurity, guessing that without his badass car or his parentless mansion, he felt out of place. Maybe going to the movies on a Friday night was too teeny-bop for him? His discomfort made her feel uneasy though, so she pushed herself to say something and break the tension.

"Hey," she whispered, and he looked over as if surprised she was there. What an idiot; it made her smile. The look in his eyes removed all doubt of whether or not he was pleased to see her. He was. And then…then....Ben Solo smiled. There was something almost shy about it and Rey nearly squealed.

Turning back and trying to watch the film was ridiculous. There was no way she could absorb a thing with him sitting so close. Again, that expectant feeling hung in the air and, like that first night, she was hyper-aware of him; his every movement, his arm slung on the rest of HER chair, every time he shifted or breathed.

And... he looked good...really good...downright wicked in fact and Rey glanced over to sneak another peak. He wore a different fitted black shirt this time. XL for sure even with its snug fit across his chest. The light from the show was flickering against his beauty-marked skin and pouty lips and she just wanted to see that smile return. Attempting to steady herself, she looked back at the screen, forcing herself to pay attention.

Just as Rey began to absorb the words the actors were saying, Ben passed over his drink, his eyes still following the movie. Accepting it, Rey took a sip from the straw and was not surprised to taste the sweet mix of some sort of pop and booze. The strength nearly made her cough and she passed it back.

With his hand, he pushed it back toward her making her frown.

Did he think she drank every weekend? Was he trying to get her drunk?

Suddenly, he leaned in, bringing those full always slightly pink lips close to the side of her head.

"Too much of a good girl?" he whispered and the low reverberation of his voice made her shiver.

Rey turned to look but he didn't pull back so their faces were close. Very close.

"I'm driving," she whispered.

Rolling his eyes, he sat back in his chair and the impression she got was that he wouldn't be leaving her alone for long. It felt tense or maybe a tad thrilling and she thought getting his attention again might smooth out the static.

"I didn't see you at my school this week."

That threw him for a loop. His head snapped over and he looked at her. Stared. The scene changed in the movie and the light in the room brightened; his dark eyes were narrowed and she wondered what he was trying to figure out.

Without a word, his gaze lowered and she watched him rake his eyes over the open neck of her white school-blouse, her blue cardigan, and the skin of her thighs exposed below the hem of her kilt. With no one sitting in the row in front, she had put her knees up, tucking her toes into the back of the seat. Suddenly, the bare skin of her legs from her pulled-up socks to her skirt felt elicit. Dropping her feet to the floor would have been too obvious so she hugged the folded blazer in her lap a little closer.

Rolling his tongue in his cheek, Rey could see he was fighting the urge to smile and he leaned in again.

"Are you saying you missed me?"

Her stupid grin broke before she could think of what to say so as a distraction she reached down and grabbed his drink, taking another sip.

"Kiss me," he said, and his eyes seemed fixed on her mouth.

It wasn't really a question and she nearly choked.

"What?" she gawked.

Pulling back slightly, he eyed her, his expression was now deadpan, almost daring her NOT to do it. But, he didn’t wait long and he leaned in, bringing his mouth right to hers, not pushing, just hovering close and she literally felt him lick his lips.

Fuuuuuck…..was her last thought as she pressed her mouth to his. If she was going straight to hell, she might as well get on with it.

Oh good lord his lips! They, him, them, were so gentle, so soft, literally sweet, and undemanding and, like that hunter in that song playing in his room, she sensed that he was holding back, drawing her in.

That's why when he broke the kiss first, there was a simper on his face, a smug look like he had just won something. But, it was his large hand wrapped around her thigh that made her know it was only the start. He had it all wrong though. This was not something Rey did. She was a first base pro and that was only after a thousand texts, five hundred calls, and numerous dates out. She was not a fast girl from his world. Whatever ‘fast’ meant.

Glancing over at Janna, whose attention was fixed on the screen, Rey looked back at Ben. Watching the film again, he jerked his chin, directing her to keep her eyes forward.

Attempting to focus on the movie, she shifted her blazer to conceal his hold on her leg and he obviously took it as a green light. Slowly, he slid his palm further up, all the way up, further and further, the tips of his fingers only stopping when they touched the fabric of her panties.

God, this was crazy and she took a deep breath. Why was she playing along?

"Open your legs," he glanced at her, speaking softly but it was still an order. "Do it."

Frowning, she mouthed the word ‘no’ but at the same time shifted her knees apart.

"Good girl," he whispered and she was shocked at how that small praise shot straight to her crotch. Adjusting on the seat, she slid her bum forward as if offering herself up.

Pleased, he smirked again and she tried to ignore it, acting as if she was unaware of what he was doing. She was there for the film after all. You know, cause she was so interested in cinema.

Within a second, his finger started stroking her through the thin layer of cotton, slow and steady as if it was a warning. Showing his experience, he pushed the fabric to the side, his finger pressing between your folds. Shit, it was insane and she should have stopped him there but didn't... instead, she tilted her pelvis up wondering if that would please him. And did it ever evidenced by his quiet, breathy grunt and she wasn’t sure if it was his approval or the feel of his slow strokes that had her getting so turned on.

It was a bit embarrassing actually.

Smoothly, expertly he found that little buried spot and strummed it like a string, making her flinch and close her eyes, grabbing hold of his wrist. Not pushing him away, she just squeezed and despite not seeing him, she again felt him lean closer.

The smell of his alcohol-laced breath fanned over her face making that tickle way down there begin to throb. Her mouth fell open and she was vaguely aware that her own breath was picking up. It was obscene, if not shameful how wet she was and just how fast he was bringing her to the brink.

He strummed and strummed and she wondered if he could play any instruments. Guitar.... yes definitely guitar, fuck, and just that idea was sexy bringing her even closer, his finger never deviating from pin-pointing that slippery little spot.

"That's it," he coaxed in a breathy whisper, "Cum for me."

He sounded so sinful and she was nearly there. How was it possible? But on he strummed.

"Look at me," he said and she barely had the sense to turn her head, her eyes cracked only alitte.

"Fuck," he hissed, staring at her. "I wanna taste you."

All at once, his finger slipped down and pushed inside as his lips pressed to hers, his tongue shoving right into her mouth. Overwhelmed, and feeling pinned by his jaw, his finger pushed harder and his palm pressed against her clit.

The filthy image of what they were doing, her knee-high-covered legs spread, kilt pushed up, panties aside, his hand at her center, fingers pumping was a recipe for magic and her orgasm crashed over her like a warm wave.

She came hard, harder than she ever had, pulsating around his finger, her stomach twitching and her body subtly shuddering in place and all the while she sucked on his tongue. Any sound she would have made; whimpers, gasps were silenced by his mouth, breathing her in and bringing her through. It was suffocating and borderline aggressive but so incredibly hot and she wondered if the setting, the people around made it that much more charged.

Who was she even being in this moment but holy hell did she love the taste of alcohol on his breath?

As the quaking eased and she regained her senses, he pulled his mouth away, pecking her on the mouth over and over again.

Carefully, he pulled his hand out from under her kilt and she quickly glanced over at Janna who staring intently at something up on the screen. She seemed lost in the story. Thank god.

Seeing Ben wipe his fingers on his jeans nearly made her cringe but he seemed unphased, adjusting his hard-on before taking his drink from her that she completely forgot she was still holding.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked in a whisper, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

His brows were pinched together making her hesitate, sensing, that there was no right answer.

"Ah," be aloof, she thought, be aloof. "Not... exactly."

"Not exactly?" he squinted.

"Technically yes," she scrunched her face, “but no, but yes in like a non-penetrative physical sense."

What?! What was she even saying right now?

Holding her gaze for a moment, he cleared his throat and flicked his hair out of his eyes, signifying the topic was done. Scooping her hand in his, he linked their fingers together and leaned close, pecking her lips again, his eyes staying fixed on her and it seemed so unlike Ben Solo. Didn’t it? How would she actually know though?

"I was right about you. You are a good girl," he nodded and turned his attention back to the screen just as the credits started to roll.

The dim theatre lights came on and Rey felt on the spot, wondering how she would flounder through this next part. Letting go of her hand, Ben grabbed his jacket and without a second glance, pushed himself up and started down the aisle away from her.

Ooh-kay…

Toward the end of the row, he glanced back and called,

"I'll text you in a bit."

And then he was off. Her mouth literally fell open.

"Catch you girls on Monday," Poe hollered on the other side, already halfway to the door, Snap shadowing behind, hopefully, both oblivious to Rey’s impromptu sexual awakening.

Once out of the theatre, Rey inhaled the fresh evening air, filling her lungs as if she had never breathed before. She felt....lude….having just spread her legs for some guy she wasn’t even dating with her best friends in the seats beside.

"Well," Jana, smacked her lips, sliding her blazer on, "That was special, Rey."

And Rey knew she knew everything. God.

"What the hell was that?" Janna gawked as Rose joined, not saying anything but looking confused.

"Huh," Rey covered her eyes, "I don't know. I'm so sorry," she looked at Janna, her shame spilling out all over the ground.

"Who are you?" Janna frowned, "I'm so.. so...bloody impressed right now." Tipping her head back, she let out her best cackle. "For once I'm not the one hooking up with randos on the weekend," she laughed again.

Janna wasn't quite that bad but next to her, Rey was Mother Theresa.

"Okay, who is hooking up with who?" Rose raised her hands, motioning that she needed to catch up.

"Did you see everything?" Rey asked, covering her mouth with her hand, horrified.

"No...I actually saw nothing but I KNEW what was going on. Wait, do you like him? What don't we know? Are you...like...with him now?"

"No!" Rey replied exasperated. "I don't even know him."

"Guy, guys, who are we talking about?" Rose cut in, totally frustrated.

"Ben!" Rey and Janna answered in unison.

"Whaaaa..." Rose said under her breath, really drawing it out. "That guy is bad news."

"I know. I know," Rey repeated in an attempt to convince them she did, in fact, know.

"Oh god, you like him," Janna squinted as if noticing something she hadn't seen before. "Yep," she nodded, "You do. You like Ben Solo.”

"Do you like him?" Rose asked, clearly not believing it.

"I don't know," is all Rey could say.

Taking a cigarette out, Janna lit it and Rey and Rose, as usual, took a step back to get clear of the smoke.

"So," she took a drag, "what message do you think it sends a guy, you aren't sure you even like when you let him fingerbang you in a movie theatre?"

"Janna!" Rose scolded but they all started to laugh.

She did have a point.

"That no means sometimes..." Rey shrugged, still laughing.

"What?" Rose and Janna said at the same time.

"Did he force you?" Rose asked, her face looking immediately concerned.

"No!" Rey threw up her hands. "No!" Wait, did he, she wondered for a second, quickly pushing it out of her head. "No, he didn't. Let's...let's just go."

Linking arms, the three of them walked in a line, heading in the direction of the car. For numerous reasons, Rey’s head felt disconnected from her body, floating still with the effects of that crazy orgasm coupled with a healthy dose of dread.

How could something so bad, feel so good?

-----

That night, lying in bed, Rey looked at her phone, again, but all was quiet. Scoffing in the dark, she pretended, unconvincingly, that she was not waiting for his text. It was all so stupid, he hadn't even asked for her number.

Nothing was wrong, though. Nothing was wrong. She was okay. It hadn’t meant anything. She was just bored, maybe a little lonely rebounding from her ex-boyfriend who had really only ever been a great friend. Sighing, she flipped from her back onto her side, thinking how it had taken Finn an entire summer to even kiss her.

Rey’s phone chimed and she jumped, nearly knocking over her lamp to grab it off the nightstand.

It was Rose.......

ROSE: Call me if you need me. Love you.

Rey felt like an idiot.

Chapter Text

The rest of the weekend was quiet and Rey spent it at home, declining invitations to meet up with the girls. Instead, she studied, baked banana bread, and overall did as many wholesome things as she could to restore moral balance after her movie theatre shenanigans.

In truth, Rey was embarrassed like she had been duped but what would she have even said if Ben had called? Thanks for the rub. Do you like me? I have no clue if I like you but I can’t get you off my mind.

Why bother with any of that?

It was rare that Maz was home on a Sunday, as she had been traveling so much for work and typically left Sunday to get to her next destination for a Monday morning start. She was a curator with a traveling antique show and had opened Rey’s eyes to a world of history that she otherwise wouldn’t have known existed.

Since Maz was home, they made the most of it and enjoyed a family supper. No roast beef dinner for them, instead Thai take-out and endless games of scrabble. It was perfect and a brilliant way to kill an evening and ‘attempt’ to distract the mind. Maz had this remarkable ability to sense when to give Rey space and when to stay near.

Of course, him, Ben, Canaro-man, as well as the events of Friday night did not leave her thoughts and she found herself zoning out, remembering even the most minute details. How good Ben had looked at the theatre, how good he smelt, what his mouth felt like on hers. God, his tongue had been inside her mouth as if wanting to taste her orgasm. More than once she had thought about his words, "He knew that she was a good girl."

How exactly did he know that? And if she was good, what was his definition of bad?

By Monday the entire event seemed less vivid and it was easier not to think about it at all. Classes that morning felt normal, if not a little boring, which was oddly comforting. But walking out of school at lunch and seeing that black Camaro waiting outside brought back that same rush of nerves.

Was he here to see her?

Instead of parking on the far side of the lot, as he usually did, he parked directly beside her car. She almost rolled her eyes at her own extreme level of insecurity.

Of course, he was here for her.

Now she felt even more nervous but wasn’t she also a bit relieved?

Shit... and where were Rose and Janna? She needed them. As if they heard her thoughts, her phone chimed but looking at the screen it was not a number from her contacts.

: Are you going to stand there all day or get in the car?

It was Ben. Clearly. He apparently had your number after all….

Walking toward him, she was acutely aware that he was watching her every move. Rey could feel those intense eyes and because of the small size of her hands, when she got to the car, she struggled to open the door with its stiff classic-car door handle. It was impossible to miss how he rolled his eyes when leaning over to open it from the inside.

Well, she felt stupid and awkward and by the look of him, she was already on his nerves.

"Hi," she said quietly as she slid down into the passenger seat.

Why did this guy make her feel so uncertain?

Not saying anything, he glanced over but continued to stare out the front window watching kids head to their cars.

It was quiet and felt strained and just... nope....nope, nope. Rey wasn't doing it; his attitude, his sighs, and rolling eyes. Forget it. She had SOME self-respect and wasn’t going to be ignored while sitting right fucking beside him.

"So... the other night," she started and he glanced at her again, his face was unreadable but signs of that frown he often wore were starting to show. "It was kinda crazy and I just don't want to..."

"To what?" he interrupted.

Hesitating she waited in case he was going to say more but when he didn't she licked her lips and his whiskey-brown eyes flicked down to catch that subtle movement.

“So... I," Rey continued and he locked eyes with her again, "I don't want you to think that you've got to follow up or, I don't know, take me out..."

"You don't want me to be here?" he cut her off again, his eyes were narrowed…. assessing her. “I just threatened to drag Poe behind my car unless he found someone with your phone number so I could text you. He didn’t even know where you lived.”

Oh….

“Should I go,” he asked and he actually looked offended.

Oh… Right, Poe wouldn’t have had her number… they were friendly but not really friends…

Did she have this all wrong?

"No, no," she repeated, reaching over and putting her hand on his arm, his leather coat feeling expensive. "I only meant..."

"Meant what?" his eyes narrowed further and he made a face like she had just blown salt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, shaking her head. "I'm bad at this. I only meant it feels backward, doing something so... you know… and then seeing each other and trying to... I don't know..." she shrugged, sounding defeated.

Leaning toward her over the console between their seats, he gave her the slightest hint of a smile. "Kiss me then."

"What?" she couldn't help but smile at his instant change in mood and she leaned back slightly to better look at him.

God, he was hot.

"If you're not sure what to say, just kiss me. We’ll figure out the rest."

Her enormous grin forced him to smile and she did, she kissed him. Shit, it was good. His hand came up and held the side of her face and it felt so amazing she sighed. She actually sighed. His lips were as gentle and full and consuming as the other night.

Was this really happening?

Pulling away, he looked at her and his expression was serious again but Rey could feel that his entire demeanor had softened. He was less on guard. It was clear to her then that Ben Solo had varying degrees of ‘serious.’

"Are you hungry? Wanna grab food?" he asked.

"Last block was home-ec; I literally ate everything in sight but I'll go wherever you want so you can eat."

Nodding, he straightened and turned the ignition; the engine fired up with a roar.

Less than five minutes on the road and Rey could tell where they were headed. Driving through the gates, the impressive Tudor house came into view and he parked right in front, not saying a word as he got out and walked toward the front door with Rey trailing behind.

Inside, no one seemed to be home but she heard a TV or radio on in the distance perhaps from the kitchen or that family room.

Down the hallway and into his room, Rey stood in the center looking around as he took off his leather coat, tossing it onto the love seat. Flipping on music, he looked over at her and sat down on the end of his neatly made bed. She was dragging out the moment and when her eyes met his eyes, she knew, that he was aware that she was stalling.

"You said you weren't afraid of me."

"I'm just trying to get a sense... I…don't actually know you."

Tipping his head, he looked at her. Really looked, seeming to simultaneously analyze her appearance, her meaning, her reasons for coming, why she had let him do all those things to her. Rey didn't actually know what he was thinking but that's what it felt like. Regardless, it was clear, he held the power in the room.

"Rey," he nodded to the bed beside him, his eyes not giving away his thoughts. “You’re too far away.”

Clearing your throat, she made her way over, slowly sitting down, her hands running over her thighs to smooth down her kilt. She could feel him watching her and she glanced up nervously.

"I know something about you," he crooned, his expression a little more playful.

"What?"

"I know you are smart. Top of your class. I know you don't go anywhere without those two chicks. I also know you dated some rugby player from Reynolds."

"How do you know all that?" she asked her body picking up that static in the air that tended to play between them.

"Poe," he answered matter-of-factly.

"I see," she shifted on the bed, feeling squirmy. "I'm at a disadvantage then. I know nothing about you. Other than you play for the First Order."

"Plated. Used to."

Past tense. Ooh-kay…

"And that you go to Clairmont."

"I don't anymore...I do school online."

"Oh. I know that you are a good kisser," she peeked up at him seeing how her comment brightened his brown eyes. "But that's it."

Rey wasn’t sure why she couldn't hold his eye contact but it was then that his fingers brushed back the hair hanging over her shoulder, and she stayed still as he pulled the collar of her white blouse aside. Slowly he leaned in closer and closer, his face reaching the crook of her neck and he pressed a kiss just below her ear.

Ahhhhhh, she nearly melted as his lips continued lightly across her throat, gently sucking her skin into his mouth, making her body shiver. But she didn't move.....

Pulling back, he looked at her and then sighed loudly.

"You're tense," he breathed out. "Okay,” he puffed out air. “What would you like to know?"

"Pardon?"

"You feel like you don't know me. So... ask." He lifted his eyebrows and shook his head like what he was saying was obvious. "I never lie."

"Ohh-kay," she said cautiously feeling unsure of where to start but not wanting this window to close.

"Where are your parents?"

She started with the basics.

"My father died. My mom is working overseas."

Okay, that was NOT where to start.

"I'm sorry," she turned her head and looked at him.

Swatting the air as if to move on, he gawked, impatient for her to continue.

"What do you want to do after school?"

"I don't know."

"Who was your last girlfriend?"

"Skip."

"Wait you said..."

"I didn't lie," he cut her off. "I said skip."

"Ohh-kay," she replied, thinking quietly for a moment and she could tell this game was nearly done. "Do you deal drugs?"

The boy flinched. He actually flinched and flared his nostrils, and she kept her eyes on him watching his reaction. Glancing around the room, he seemed to be steadying himself, obviously hating this game.

"Weed," he said almost bitterly. "I don't deal drugs," he mimicked some voice as if it was hers. "I sell weed. Nothing more."

"Why?"

His head snapped over to look at her again and she could tell he was trying not to glare. God, he was not an open person.

"For the money?" Rey smiled, indicating she was joking, trying to lighten the mood. “I mean…you’re obviously barely getting by.”

A triumphant moment. Ben Solo laughed!

"I only started smoking last year. I went through a bad time after the car accident and…my dad…. My leg and knee were messed up,” he glanced over, "I’ve had a couple of surgeries to reset the pins. The first one didn’t go well and I was on a lot of pain meds and then the Drs gave me even more shit because I was pretty fucked up over my dad. He was in the car with me that night.… My mom basically ditched and I was not…” he shrugged, “doing well. Couldn’t stand to be at school. Got really down and started to….withdraw I guess. I had to get off of the meds. I knew I was heading toward a point that you can't come back from. So," he shrugged, "I dropped the pills. Quit everything and just smoked weed."
She was silent for a moment.

"I see.”

It felt like the safest response.

"I started buying in bigger qualities. Didn't want to buy from sketchy dealers. Didn't know where their shit came from or what was in it. Just started selling a bit here and there and pretty quickly it paid for itself. And then some."

"Were you selling to other people who were in pain? Instead of them taking, like, pharmaceuticals?"

"Fuck no," he scoffed. "Anyone with cash." He rolled his eyes but it turned into a smile. "I'm done with your questions."

With one hand, he pushed her back onto the bed.

"Ben," she gasped as he quickly looped an arm around her waist and yanked her up until they were both laying on the pillows.

Meekly, Rey tried to resist, but he called bullshit and held her free hand back before pulling her against him and kissing her hard. His lips felt good, his tongue working its way into her mouth, his knee pushing between her legs. He knew exactly what he was doing pressing his thigh against her crotch, his hand squeezing her ass, and running down the backs of her thighs.

She was going to stop him. She was. Just a few seconds more of his hot mouth, his amazing taste, and enticing smell that flooded her head, warming her body right through. Oh god and the sounds he made. Small grunts like the more he kissed and touched her, the more he realized he wanted to. Needed to.

In one swift movement, he rolled on top, leaning on his elbows, his kisses becoming borderline pushy. It was the bulge in his pants grinding against her, her hips rolling up against him that felt way too much. Way, way too much.

"Ben," she pulled her mouth back but he simply diverted, sucking on the side of her throat, one of his hands magically arriving at her cleavage and beginning to work the buttons of her school blouse open.

"Ben, stop," she said a little louder.

"What?" he asked, glancing up, managing to open two more bottoms with the flick of his fingers.

How was he so good at that? Instantly, his hand was inside, squeezing her breasts through her bra.

"This is too fast," she muttered.

"Not for me," he puffed, working his mouth back up to hers.

"Ben," she turned her chin enough to escape his lips.

Letting out a resigned sigh, he tilted his head back to better focus on her eyes.

"I don't even know what is happening between us?" She continued sounding...well... a bit whiny.

"Don't be childish," he dismissed.

"I want.... to take it slow. This is all new."

"New?" his eyes flashed. "I’ve wanted you since last the summer."

What, she thought! ! Last summer? Seven months ago? She had just met him.

“What? How?”

“You think I couldn’t have sold weed at my own school? And I sure as fuck wasn’t at yours every day just to hang out with Dameron.”

She must have made a doubtful face as he sighed and continued.

"I just knew when I saw you," his face grew serious again, and he reached up, brushing her now messy hair away from her face.

"Knew what?"

"I just…. I had to figure out a way to meet you.”

Woah, this was weird. His eyes were searching hers and she understood then how sincere he was being and how excruciating it was for him to be that way.

"Can I... have a minute?"

"No," he frowned but his features softened and he leaned down and kissed her again.

It was a soft kiss, a beautiful kiss really, his gorgeous plush mouth pressing against hers, holding still as if pouring out the feeling behind what he had just shared. Dropping his head into the crook of her neck, his arms tightened around her, hugging her.

"Don't push me away," he whispered and she heard the anxiety in his voice. “Please.”

It melted her heart and gave her some insight as to why he was such a weirdo. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she embraced him back.

"You are so.... cool with me sometimes.”

Shrugging, he lifted back up to see her face but looked away, and Rey realized he was embarrassed.

"I don't wanna freak you out. I can be.... a lot and I think I really like you. You know, for real."

Oh.

"Enough of your yapping,'' he looked back and she could tell the subject had been changed.

"Ben!" she gasped as his hand shot up her kilt, grabbing the waistband of her blue underwear.

Squirming, she latched onto his wrists to stop him but he clucked his tongue as if she were the one being naughty.

"These are mine now," he said yanking her underwear down her legs, slipping them off, along with her black shoes, and tossing everything onto the floor.

Narrowing his eyes, he looked wicked and smug and so incredibly sexy and Rey found herself just watching, seeing what he'd do. Kissing her one more time, he moved down her body, nestling between her legs, and attempted to push up her kilt.

Mouthing the word 'noooo,' her hands shot down to hold it in place.

"Move your hands!" he ordered.

"No, wait, this is…."

"Move your hands or I swear to god," he glared as if insane but it morphed into a grin. "Move your hands!" he asked slightly nicer this time but couldn’t completely mask his impatience.

So, fuck it, she did. She moved her hands and he flipped up her kilt.

Oh god.

Even as her self-conscientiousness began to burn, her bare box a mere five inches from his face, the glee that came over him made her laugh. But within a second, some darkness moved behind his blazing eyes and he just stared down at her pussy.

Oh god.

Grabbing the back of her thigh, he bent her knee up, opening her legs wider.

"Can we close the blinds or something? It's so bright in..."

"Shush," he quieted her not looking up. "I want to see what I'm doing."

Oh…

With his free hand, he carefully spread the lips of her pussy, and she looked up to the ceiling, her cheeks hot, unable to watch. It was so strange, her legs instinctively tried to close but he clucked again, pulling them back open.

"Don't hide from me," he whispered and she glanced down just as he looked up at her. "Plus, you said you would go anywhere so I could eat," he grinned, looking crazy handsome but also like a total deviant.

She jumped when his fingers touched her a second time, his fierce eyes watching her as he began running his thumb over her clit. Fucking hell, it was intense and she had never had a guy just hang out down there, staring at the details of her body….in full daylight. His mouth fell open a little and she watched curiously as he worked her further, rubbing that same spot that she knew was starting to swell under his soft strokes.

"Do you know how perfect you are?" he asked, glancing up again, his expression looking somehow pained. "Does that feel good?" he kept staring at her, observing her reaction, his thumb gliding over and over.

It felt amazing and intense and by the way his head tilted to the side, gazing at her pussy and swearing under his breath, Rey knew he appreciated how wet she was getting.

"Christ!" he rushed out loudly, "I could barely sleep last night. Couldn’t stop thinking about you. About kissing you. Everything at the movies. How wet your pussy was. Fuck!" he swore again. "Like it is now."

His thumb pressed harder, and her stomach flinched making him chuckle but he quickly grew serious and without breaking her gaze, he lowered his face, extending his unnaturally long tongue and swiped up the center of her folds. Jesus, it felt good and she glanced at his door noticing there was no lock and quietly praying that no one would barge in.

Steadily, his fingers spread her further apart, so wide it almost hurt and he grunted, sounding very pleased, his tongue descending again and licking her, lapping her, feeling warm, circling her clit. Within a few seconds, Rey's hips began to gently rock and her breathing became shaky.

Time was obviously not of the essence as he took his time swapping back and forth between tasting her and running his thumb over her slit and each time she twitched or shuddered, those menacing eyes were back on her, studying her reaction, seeing what made her moan.

"Please," Rey heard herself whimper and it made him smile.

"Please what?" he asked, clearly loving it.

"Please," she whined as his thumb and his intermittent licks began to drive her mad.

"You will have to be more specific, beautiful."

"Please," she tipped her chin down and looked directly at him. "Make me cum, Ben…please," she added the 'please' just to make him happy and his eyes lit up.

With that his mouth dropped down to her flesh, sucking her soft layers and clit right into his mouth. He was devouring her and it was raw and wild and the carnal sounds he was making made her imagine him as some beast. The climb to her finish was fast and powerful and when she finally came, all inhibitions were gone, she bucked her pelvis and grabbed his perfect hair, grinding her cunt up against his mouth, incoherently whimpering. It was messed up and she had never once felt anything like it before.

"You are so beautiful, baby," he murmured, kissing the inside of her skin and running the palm of his hand up and down the inside of her thigh. "You are so fucking beautiful. I have wanted you for so long," he spoke against her skin as she started to come down from her climax.

As Rey untensed and simmered, he slid back up beside her, his hand snaking inside her blouse and touching her boobs.

"You almost made me blow in pants," he smiled and she just gazed at him, blissed-out, taking in how dreamy and disheveled he was, with his lips all pink and used looking.

"Oh shit!" Rey said, lifting her head, her eyes trying to find a clock in the room.

"What time..."

"Relax," he tightened his hold on her. "We'll leave in 10 minutes. Plenty of time."

Resting her head back down, she closed her eyes loving how much larger his body was than hers and how it felt to be in his arms.

"Plenty of time for what?" she asked, opening her eyes again.

"I'm not done."

Oh…

Sitting up, he grabbed her, roughly flipping her onto her tummy, his body quickly covered hers, pressing her down into the bed. It was so fast and she was confused but still too spaced out to speak. Pushing her legs apart, he shifted his weight to one side and flipped up her kilt uncovering her bare ass.

"What...." Rey rushed out, feeling too exposed.

Her bottom, the back of her you-know-what, everything was just out in the open.

"Stop fighting me," he pressed his mouth to her ear. "You have a perfect ass, by the way."

Fidgeting she realized he was opening and pulling down his pants and panic shot through her.

"Ben, I can't..."

"I'm not going to have sex with you. Relax."

What was he doing, her mind started to reel. Was he lying? Was he going to try? If she was being honest, part of her wondered if maybe she’d let him. It was insane.

Rey jumped, sucking in air when his hand touched the back of her pussy, his fingers rubbing between her lips and around her entrance. As the tips of his fingers dipped inside, the sounds of his approval fired up. Bracing for it, she was thrown off when his finger didn't push inside but instead traveled up the crack of her ass, circling around her asshole. Her eyes bugged out at the odd sensation and it hit her what he was doing; he was using her own slick to lube her up. But for what?

"What are you doing?"

Ignoring her he lowered himself back down, his weight feeling heavy, and she felt his hard uncovered cock land right in the crease of her ass. His elbows settled on either side of her, boxing her in, and just as she was about to tell him to get off, his face and chin burrowed back into the side of her neck. Slowly, he rolled his hips forward, his cock sliding between her cheeks, slippery and hard and feeling so unexpected. Pulling his hips back, he rutted again and his strained breathing showed Rey how good it felt. It was different and hot and the sound of his panting in her ear was such a turn on. Not to mention his intimidatingly large rock-hard dick, touching the back of her entrance.

"All that panic for nothing," he grunted and she could tell he was smiling. "I just needed to feel your perfect ass."

It felt good. It felt surprisingly good and without thought she pushed her bum up toward him, immediately making his hiss.

"That's it, my good girl," he grunted in her ear, pumping against her behind even harder. "Your little body knows exactly what to do, doesn't it? Fuck!" he swore as his pace picked up, sliding back and forth.

Leaning on one arm, he snaked his hand under her tummy, finding her crotch, pulling her up toward him so her butt was at a better angle.

On her own accord, she spread her legs a little wider, digging her knees into the bed, arching her back more. He fucking loved it and made her cry out when his fingers connected with her overly sensitive clit.

"Do you know how badly I want you? Hmmm? Put my dick inside you. Your perfect little body?"

He was moving faster and faster, it was so slippery and wet and she felt filthy because of how much she also wanted him, wishing he might move the wrong way, making it slip and accidentally jab inside.

"But I won’t rush you. I can wait," he kissed the side of her head, his fingers rubbing her front which was a dripping mess at this point, her own hips moving in time. Everything began to feel funny and she realized she had never, not even once, had two orgasms in a row.

"You're so wet," he groaned as his hips moved faster and his fingers pressed harder.

His breath grew even more ragged in her ear and everything began to distort. She couldn't tell how long she’s been under him, grinding, panting, bucking up against him, and starting to whine his name. The air felt thick and her skin felt hot and she wished she were naked instead of her kilt being bunched around her waist. His arm was securely under her, his fingers slipping relentlessly over her clit, his cock sliding against the back of her pushed up ass. It was all too much and, in that blur, her second organism rolled, rocking her hard and stretching on so long she wasn’t clear if it was still going or she was just that sensitive. She couldn't breathe or think or move or even make a sound. It was Ben, grunting out into the air above her, that drew her back, his hips stuttering against her hard, and then she felt it; a warm pool of cum on her lower back.

His body went slack and he flopped down, half on and half beside, his leg and arm still wrapped around her. Catching his breath, he brushed the hair that was sticking to her tacky forehead away to uncover her eyes and pressed a breathy kiss to her lips.

Rey didn't open her eyes but felt him snuggle in, their faces very close and she guessed he was looking at her in that way he did. Like he was amazed by her, confused by her, frustrated by her.

"I want you to be my….” his voice dropped off as if unable to finish what he wanted to say and she thought she heard him say her name quietly. "God," he continued. "I just want to be with you. Okay? Can we?”

Woah......

“Okay.”

----
Not once on the short ride back to school did he let go of her hand, even bringing it to his mouth and kissing the back a couple of times. If Rey had any mental capacity left after her two earth-shattering orgasms and his heartbreaking-ly sweet admission, she would have realized that she was in shock.

Was it good or bad? It was hard to tell but he was swooning over her, smitten with an entirely different warmth in his eyes.

Kissing him goodbye about a thousand times and swinging the door closed, Rey walked toward the side entrance of the school wondering if it was possible to bruise a tailbone AND seeing her two best friends, waiting outside the door. By their expressions, it was clear they wanted to know what the hell was going on.

Great, she thought, she had to tell them that Ben, whether they liked it or not, was her boyfriend now. And despite her hesitations, she did, SHE liked it very very much.

Chapter Text

For three months Rey’s life ran more or less in the same way, that black Camaro like a waiting chariot always ready to whisk her off.

Friday and Saturday nights were spent driving around, going to the movies or the mall, hand in hand with her tall, gorgeous boyfriend, usually ending up at his house….in his bed.

Occasionally, very occasionally around exam time, he'd give her a night off so she could stay home and study but ground rules had been set early on that she could not see Ben on school nights. Keeping on top of her homework was a non-negotiable plus Maz knew when and how to lean into the rules.

However, lunch hours were free game and spent in a similar way to weekends; in Ben’s bed with most of her clothes on the floor; kissing, cuddling, touching and tasting, and... well...sucking. He had been true to his word, though, and despite the amount of time spent between her legs, they had not yet done the deed. In a way, it surprised her as he was so demanding of affection and at times it felt like they had some unspoken understanding, as long as she surrendered in every other possible way, he could wait.

Rey even wondered if he had his own hang-ups but some topics with Ben were off-limits. Including discussions involving his parents, selling weed, and essentially anything that didn’t involve Rey. Very little of his life didn’t revolve around her though. He simply didn’t seem to care about anything else and Rey thought it was romantic as hell.

It took some time but Rey’s friends were finally resigned to the fact that she and Ben were always off on their own. They weren't upset really but Rey couldn't say they were thrilled with her all-consuming relationship. And holy hell, it was all-consuming.

Rey herself was in la-la land and even when they were apart, she would still be thinking about him, doodling his name, daydreaming about his cutting brown eyes, his unique face, perfect wavy hair, and strong sexy body that always hovered so close to her, it was as if she had her own 6’4 shadow.

Intimately, they had done ‘things‘ she hadn't even known about before him so it was hard to imagine, once they did start having sex, how much closer their relationship would be.

How much more he'd want to see her.

In reality, he craved her, and getting time apart usually resulted in what Rey referred to as a 'Solo pout-a-thon.' It was cute. Mostly.

Sometimes it was difficult though to understand his constant need to know where she was, who she was with and why. Yes, WHY was a big one for Ben. WHY did she need to do other things? WHY did she need time alone? WHY did she drive Maz’s car when he could drive her to and from school? Oh, and WHY did she need to study at the library as he had a perfectly good desk at his house…..in his bedroom…

It was only because love was new to him, like it was to her, and he handled it differently. But Rey had never felt so needed and cherished, she found a true sense of security with him and trusted implicitly that he would do anything for her and wouldn’t allow anything to come between them.

Yes, on the outside, it would seem intense but Ben was intense. Demanding and brooding, overthinking, until Rey was there. She made everything better and with her, he appeared free, sweet, sometimes even smiling, overwhelmingly affectionate, so incredibly loving, kissing, even in public any part of your skin that showed. Never NOT holding her hand. He called her baby, bought her so many cute things, and even kept a picture of her up in his car. Without fail, texting her every morning to ask what he should bring her that day for lunch.

And Rey was truly lucky as some boyfriends weren't communicators. Not Ben; his messages were non-fricking-stop and he loved to talk on the phone at night too, always saying "just another minute" until they were both half asleep and mumbling.

Yes, he was beyond adorable, totally devoted and Rey felt worshipped. Ben Solo was the best boyfriend ever.

----

On that day, pulling out of school, Ben didn’t make the normal right-hand turn to head to his place but drove straight and eventually into Maxwell Park. Gunning the gas, his flat-black Camaro roared on, hugging the winding road all the way up to the lookout. Ben, as usual, was holding Rey’s hand as he drove, shifting the gears awkwardly with their hand still clasped together.

Pulling into the deserted parking lot at one of the view areas, he killed the engine and tilted his steering wheel up before releasing and reclining his seat as far back as it would go. Once in place, he extended his arms out to Rey and she climbed over the console in order to lie on him. It took a moment to shift and settle her weight between his long legs, avoiding his bad knee, but then she snuggled in, eliciting from him the world's longest sigh.

"Why are we here?" she asked knowing by the strength of his hug and the deep crease between his eyebrows that his thoughts were heavier than usual.

"Where's my boob?" was his only response and she automatically unbuttoned her blouse enough for him to reach in and rest his hand where he liked to keep it, cupping one of her breasts whenever they cuddled.

The silence continued and she didn’t want to ask again so waited and while doing so enjoyed the feel of her cheek on his muscular chest and the smell of his neck; that perfect mix of aftershave and leather.

Ahhh, his strong arms were wrapped around her and his lips pressed to the top of her head. She clung to him like a sloth.

But... it did feel strange that they were there, alone, so close and he wasn't trying to talk or grope or kiss or reach up her kilt and why hadn’t they headed for his house? It made her feel a tad nervous, actually.

"I dated a girl last year for a bit," he kissed her hair again, taking his time, his hand running up and down her side and she tensed a little, wondering where the conversation was going. "Some chick that always hung out with the First Order and their girlfriends so it seemed like it made sense. She was pretty I guess but, I don't know... the whole time...it just didn't feel like I thought it should. And she was…..my f-first,” he stuttered out, clearing his throat, obviously not enjoying this talk. “That's supposed to make you feel something...but…I didn’t feel anything for her," he squeezed Rey as if to give reassurance. "The guys couldn't understand why I broke it off but I know now that THIS is how it's supposed to feel. Like it does with us. I would do anything for you. Anything. I love you so fucking much it hurts. My whole day is spent killing time until I see you. And when we're not together, it's like....it's like...I can't...."

"Breathe?"

"Yes," he exhaled loudly hugging her even closer, his fingers still gentle on her boob. "See baby, you know. You feel it too," he continued rubbing his lips softly across her temple. "Don't you?"

"Yes," she whispered back, hugging him in return not entirely sure she knew this precise feeling he was referring to; however, she did understand that's how it felt for him, so.....

Plus, she would miss him if they were ever actually apart.

There was no question that they were in love. So much, but, if she was being honest, there was a small part of her, just a tiny, teeny part, that she purposefully held back. Some life line intended to retain balance. It felt like the only way to keep a thread of power and not be swallowed up entirely. She still loved him. Adored him. God, every bit of him. Head over heels.

Tipping her head, she peered up and his eyes were glassy, his expression vulnerable and he looked heart-stoppingly handsome yet somehow broken. Her beautiful, complex Ben.

Clearing his throat a few times, he looked down at the console between the seats.

"I wanna give you something."

Popping open the compartment, he grabbed a small burgundy drawstring bag and Rey pushed herself up from his chest to better see.

It felt like a big moment and she realized she was holding her breath.

Opening it, he pulled out a necklace showing her a gold chain with a small gold cube pendant. The chain shone like it was brand new but the cube that appeared to have etched symbols looked patina‘d around its edges, making her think it was an antique or simply really old. The entire thing was gorgeous and she knew immediately that it was important.

"It was my father’s," he said quietly, watching her face as Rey carefully took it from his hand to better see the details, rolling the square block between her fingers to inspect the markings on each flat side. "It’s one of two. They were a set of dice. I’m wearing the other.”

Reaching up, he fished out the chain and pendant from under his black shirt to show her, dropping it to rest on his chest.

“They were my dad's good luck charm. He always carried them. Even had them with him the night of the crash….” He puffed out a laugh but there was no humor to it. “Some good luck charm…or so I thought, but….I dreamt of him a few months after it happened. “He told me those dice had never let him down. His lucky dice. I told him bullshit because, you know, he was gone.” Ben exhaled a shaky breath. “But he looked at me in this way that he always did when he was alive and said, yeah, kid, but you’re not.” He shook his head as if thinking about it was something he had to limit. "I just had them made into necklaces for us. Keep us safe and, you know, bring us luck and all that.”

For a moment, he was silent but the way his lips twitched told Rey he wasn't done.

"Baby," he grabbed her free hand in his large one. "Let's promise to always be together. I mean it and not just some stupid high-schooler promise, like I want to know I’m it for you.”

It was hard to speak. Rey wasn’t sure what to say but nodded her head, the gravity of his gift and the sentiment in his words filtering through, making her own tears rise in her eyes.

"Let me put it on you," he whispered and took it out of her hand, spreading the chain to drape over her head. The chain was long and the pendant sat low on her chest, almost to her breasts and she loved that it rested so close to her heart.

"Ben," she picked up the gold cube again, running her thumb over the intricate, block characters. "It's so beautiful. So special. Are you sure you want me to have it?" She glanced up. "It means so much to you."

Shit.

His dark lashes fluttered and his jaw tightened and Rey knew instantly she had said the wrong thing.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"I wouldn't be giving it to you if I wasn't sure," he ground out in a controlled voice, stressing every word. "Would I?"

His lips pressed together and she could tell he was hurt.

SHIT!!!

"I'm sorry," she rushed, "that's not what I meant. I'm sorry." Immediately she leaned forward and kissed and kissed him, not pulling her lips away until she felt his body begin to ease. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, hugging him harder. "I love it so much and I love you. It's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given me. I'll never take it off. And, of course, you’re it for me. I don’t want us to ever be apart."

As if returning to the moment, he nodded and adjusted in his seat, clearing his throat, his eyes focusing on hers again. And thank god, some of the brightness from before was returning. Brushing her loose hair away from the side of her face, he tipped his chin down and kissed her softly, so perfectly, so gently, and with so much adoration, before resting his forehead on hers.

There were instances like this, fragments in time, even after kissing her obsessively for the last few months that he still looked blown away by her. Blown away that she was there and his and looking back at him with love in her eyes.

"My father was far from perfect but he was still the person I was closest to. Things weren’t good between him and my mom before he died. I think she took off because she felt guilty or just needed to grieve and I got lumped in with everything that she needed to get away from. With him gone, you are the only person I have. You are all that matters and without you, there is no me anymore. So, of course, you should wear it. It is my gift to you, Rey."

"Thank you," she pulled away to better see his lovely brown eyes and smiled."I love it," she whispered. “And I love you.”

"Forever,” he whispered back.

The return ride to school, holding Ben’s free hand did not allow her to feel close enough to him and so she leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. It was then that she decided that she would call him later that night and tell him she was ready to take the next step. The 'point of no return' she had read in some bullshit sex-ed book or something. In her heart of hearts, she knew that he was the one and felt that there wasn't anything she didn't want them to share.

"What baby?" he asked, glancing down at her smiling face.

"I'm just happy."

Kissing her forehead, he mumbled that he was too.

In truth, she was also amused by the fleeting thought of telling him right then that she wanted to have sex but Ben was a walking hard-on. She’d never make it back to school. Instead, she decided to wait and tell him before bed over the phone. Give home something to look forward to.

Yes, everything had fallen into place. She had Maz and incredible friends, was weeks away from graduation and had applied to great universities. The future felt full of possibilities. With Ben in her life now, everything was perfect. Ben was perfect and they would be together forever....

Chapter Text

As expected, Ben had responded enthusiastically to the news, so much so, that Rey spent 15 minutes pleading with him not to try and sneak into her room. So, in the morning as she dressed for school, it was a bit ridiculous that she took extra care selecting a pretty bra and panties for the occasion, the best target had to offer, knowing that they would last about 3.5 seconds on her body after entering his room. Some days, even without the possibility of actual sex, he couldn't wait to get home. Made Rey take off your underwear while still enroute. He loved stuff like that, evidenced by his nightstand full of her undergarments.

So, at lunch that day she was surprised when climbing into her waiting chariot that her gorgeous boyfriend looked rather somber and had two subway sandwiches sitting in a bag between the seats.

"We'll eat here," was all he said as he passed Rey her favorite 6-inch veggie sub loaded with extra pickles. Foot-long roast beef for him, of course.

Eating in silence, he didn't once look over, letting on immediately that something wasn’t right. In her head, Rey ran through their phone conversation from the previous night, analyzing what she could have said to cause this but her attention shifted back when Ben started up the car.

"We're going home now?" she asked, trying to keep the frustration out of her voice.

He clearly wasn’t keeping track of time and she sure as hell wasn't blowing off her afternoon classes with finals only a month away.

He didn't answer.

"Ben?"

"Reynolds," was all he said.

"Pardon?

"Reynolds," he said it again and pulled the Camaro out onto the road.

"Reynolds High? Why? Are you selling something to somebody?"

She was not down with tagging along for that. And hadn’t she just offered her virginity up on a platter?

When he didn't answer, Rey reached over and squeezed his arm but he pulled away. That was unexpected.

"Ben?"

"I want you to point out that guy you dated. The one you slept with."

Ummm….

"I never once slept with him. You know that. What is this about?" Straightening in her seat, she shook her head, clearly confused but soon enough felt the weight of dread creep in. "What is this about?" she asked again more forcefully.

Still not answering, he just stared straight out the window

"Ben!"

Inhaling loudly, he scoffed as if she had no right to be demanding.

"After we got off the phone last night, I was so fucking happy about today. But then...." he shook his head keeping his eyes on the road, "I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the fact that you had fooled around with someone else. It made me sick."

Was this a joke? He had to be kidding. It didn’t feel like he was kidding.

"So what, you want me to introduce you to Finn?”

"Finn!" he exclaimed, his voice shooting high. "Finn?" he glared over at her, repeating the name like it was poison in his mouth.

“What, do you know him?”

Snorting, he made some weird choking sound. “No, I hate that I now know his name. Did you have to tell me?”

"Ben stop," she pleaded. "You knew that I dated someone before. God, it was nothing even close to what we have. Not even close. He and I were more friends. Buddies."

“Buddies?” he spat, exasperated, his expression now a mixture of disbelief and disgust.

"Babe, pull over, please, so we can talk," Rey was using her gentlest voice now attempting to coax him down but he ignored it. "Okay, at least tell me what you are going to do once we get there."

Still nothing.

"Ben!" she snapped. "What are you going to do?!”

"Still deciding," he snapped back.

“Ben!”

“I just want to see him. Know who he is......and I want you to tell me everything you did with him. Every single detail," he shot her a look of warning as if she better not even think about holding anything back.

“No." She was dumbfounded but knew he was serious. "It was over before I met you. None of that matters. I love you so much but you’re being insane right now."

“Insane?” he asked dramatically. “And for your information, Reeey” he sneered her name, "It does matter! As long as I don't know everything you did, it's like a secret you have with him. 'Finn.' My girlfriend is not going to keep secrets with other dudes.”

Without thought, she rolled her eyes at the insinuation that there were 'other dudes.’

“It's enough that you've been with someone before,” he added flicking his shaggy black hair out of his eyes. “It’s like you’re tainted now or something.”

Woah.

That was a punch in the chest. An attacked. He was shaming her. Yes, he was emotional and possessive, insecure and borderline unbalanced but there was no excuse for this.

"This is crazy." She spoke quietly, more to herself.

"Crazy? You think I'm crazy?" he chuckled, glancing over, his laugh sounding awful and his eyes looking strange. "As far as I'm concerned, you are the only girl I've ever been with.

Ummm...

"Ohh-kay...," she replied cautiously, wondering how he thought that even made sense, "but that's not actually true.... is it?"

"Tell me!" he shouted. "What did you do with him?"

"Stop the car. I want to get out."

"Fucking tell me!" he yelled.

"Fine!" She gave in. "You tell me first then!” she was now yelling back. "What did you do with that girl before me? That ‘chick.’ The one who was ‘pretty, you guess,” she mimicked the way he had described the girl that day at the lookout.

"Barely anything," he puffed as if it was absolutely absurd that Rey was even talking about it. "She was a lump. Something that was just.... there. Followed me around all the time. I couldn't even cum with her!" he announced loudly as if that explained everything. "That's how in love I am with you. You make me blow my load so fast and we haven't even had sex yet. I don’t think about anyone or anything but you," he narrowed his dark eyes at her. "Your turn."

Watching his demented expression and listening to his bullshit, only fueled Rey’s frustration. The skin on her cheeks was burning hot and she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. Ben was completely unable to see the situation from any perspective but his own twisted one. It was horrifying and she just wished the hurricane storming inside of him would stop. She needed to get away from him.

"Tell me," he snarled, "and then it will be over and we won't ever talk about it again."

“Seems unlikely.”

"You're the one dragging it out," he added.

"Fine, I hung out with him for six or seven months before anything happened. We started dating after that and…. fooled around a bit and then, well….that's it. There isn’t much to tell,” she threw her hands up in defeat. "I can't believe you."

"Why did it end?"

"I didn't have those types of feelings for him. I just wanted to be friends."

"Did he make you cum?”

"What?! God, Ben.”

His head snapped over to look at her, taking his eyes off the road. “Did he touch you? Did he touch your pussy?”

Now it was her turn to scoff, but she answered anyway. “Twice.”

He looked like he’d been smacked in the face but she knew he wasn’t going to drop it.

“The first time, yes, but not the second time. I wasn't... I don't know... I wasn't turned on. That's it, okay?"

Apparently, it was not okay.

"Did he cum?"

"What?!”

"Did he cum?!” Ben shouted.

"This is so stupid, Ben."

"Tell me!" he shouted again, the speed of the Camaro getting faster.

"No. At least never with me," her eyes skipped over watching the needle on the speedometer rise. “Poor guy,” she added, no longer caring if it pissed him off. “But sometimes .....I don’t know….I wonder…”

With round eyes, his head snapped over to look at her, “What? Wonder what?”

“I wonder what it might be like if I had stuck it out with Finn. I hear a lack of chemistry can be overlooked when there’s, you know... respect,” she glanced over seeing Ben’s hands gripping the steering wheel so hard, she thought it might snap, “Yeah, might be nice to one day have a boyfriend like Finn who isn’t a fucking psycho.”

That was it, Ben shrieked and punched the center of the steering wheel making Rey jump. Adrenaline surged through her but she was still too angry to care and long out of patience.

Forget you, Ben Solo, she thought watching him lose his shit.

"Feel better?" she jabbed. "Glad you know. Are my answers everything you hoped they'd be? Done treating me like I cheated on you...before we even met, Ben? Hmm?”

"Don't fucking mock me," he shouted.

"You know what. Pull over. I'm done. I'm getting out."

"No."

"Pull over right now," Rey glared at the side of his pinched face and clenched jaw. "I'm walking back to school."

Leaning forward, his hand squeezed the wheel tighter and she felt the car speed up even more. He was gunning it.

Okay, Rey thought, he wanted to fight. Wanted to attack her and punish her for something that happened in the past. That's fine, she could hit back, hard, and aim right for his soft spots.

Reaching up, she grabbed the necklace around her neck and pulled it up over her head and off. Unwinding the window, she looked over at him and dangled it out of the car. The road below was speeding by in a blur.

"Pull. Over. Asshole."

Doing a double-take, his eyes shot wide and he growled, taking a swipe at her arm holding the necklace but she shifted her hand away just in time.

"Pull over!" Rey shouted. "Or I'll let go."

His eyes blazed at her, terrifyingly, but somehow it worked. Magically, he hit the brakes and swerved off the road, the tires jumping from the pavement to the dirt shoulder, jostling them both before coming to a dusty stop.

RUN, her own voice screamed in her head and she tossed the necklace in his direction and at the same time pulled the handle on the door, shooting out. Thank god, there was virtually no traffic and she rounded the back of the Camaro bolting straight out into the road, across the street, not looking back when she heard him scream her name. There was an opening in the guard rail fence and concrete steps down which she took, two at a time, knowing it led to a path that cut through the neighborhood back toward the school grounds. It was the very same path she and Rose and Janna used to walk back in the days before boys and cars when everything was simple.

On Rey ran, not stopping when she heard him call a second time and without looking back, she imagined him standing at the top of the stairs, watching her run away from him. Watching her desert him. It wasn't until Rey reached the edge of the grass hockey field at the school that she stopped and bent over, leaning on her knees, to catch her breath.

How could... The whole thing was... What just...

She couldn't process it. Couldn't put thought or words or feeling to what had just happened. It was unimaginable and she felt a rise of emotion making her straighten and look up at the sky, her hands on her chest as if it might help slow her speeding heart.

Was she going to be sick? Throw up? Was she going to cry? Scream?

Nope.

She stopped and.... started to laugh. She started to fucking laugh. She laughed until her cheeks hurt and her eyes watered. She laughed like she was the psycho. She laughed like she hadn't just been accosted by her boyfriend and then goaded him back. Rey laughed as if it was all one big game.

Maybe it was shock. Maybe it was something else...but it was hard to stop it. Feeling sweaty from the run, she took off her cardigan and tied it around her waist, and headed off in the direction of school not wanting to be late for her chem class. And definitely not thinking about what Ben Solo might do next.

Chapter Text

By the following night without a word from Ben, not a single call or text, and no sign of the black Camaro, Rey was no longer laughing. It felt like her world had collapsed to the ground. And, that alone was confusing as he was the one who had been such a prick.
Right? Hadn't he?

Still, it was impossible to escape the feeling of guilt for provoking him and it left behind some hard-to-define panic.

Her Ben! Her beautiful, intense, complicated Ben; his insecurities driving his need to possess her so completely.

Was it actually over, she wondered for the zillionth time? Could the two of them work it out or would they never speak again? Would he ghost her? Simply fade away.

Ah yes, that was the fear creating the panic; Rey was worried he would write her off as though she had never existed. Just the idea, despite his deranged display, made her blood run cold and her heart straight-up reject the notion that she was better off without him.

After months of the two of them hiding away and blowing off the world, she was grateful, that her two best friends had her back. One look at Rey’s pale, dazed face the previous day, walking into class, and they flew into BFF mode.

They were amazing but she still questioned their thinking. How would going out within 24 hours of her love story ending possibly help her?

But... there she sat in Rose’s room wearing a one-shouldered purple dress and strappy heels while Janna carefully lined her lips and Rose flat ironed her hair. They yattered away as if to distract Rey, talking about what an asshole Ben was, a complete psycho, and thank god Rey hadn't slept with him. Eeeek, all that solidarity, and she had given them a watered-down version of what had really happened during the fight. Conveniently leaving out the part where she had wound him up.

Barely taking in their words, Rey thought over all that had been said in his car, questioning if it had truly been that bad. It felt awful in the moment but things seemed different after such a long time without hearing from him. Did it mean she had forgiven him? Definitely not but she still felt like a balloon bouncing in the wind without him.

Under it all, Ben just needed her and the thought of her with another guy was more than he could process. How can that be a bad thing? And it had been her, HER, who desecrated his most treasured possession, his beloved father’s dice, a necklace he had imparted so lovingly.

Wasn't Rey’s behavior as bad or even worse? Could he forgive her?

Tears rose in her eyes making the girls stop and stare, looking like a pair of barn owls.

"Oh honey," Rose whispered squeezing her shoulder and Janna leaned in, looking as if she was pitying a dog.

"Tonight is exactly what you need," she nodded. "The dance will take your mind off of everything. Rey, trust me."

WELL, THAT WAS A FUCKING LIE.

The school gymnasium was dark and stuffy, the music pounding and the strobes seemed to flash all the way into Rey’s brain. It was the last place she needed to be. Every guy wearing a leather jacket made her do a double-take and Ben’s absence screamed louder than the noise.

Just twenty feet away her friends were dancing and yet she had never felt so alone. That must have been how Ben felt, standing on the road, watching her run away from him. Her poor, love..... Where was he?

"Is it really you? Are you honestly here?" asked Poe as he, all of sudden, appeared at her side, reeking of weed and smiling one of his squinty-eyed smiles. "Mr. Solo let you out of his grasp for a night. I almost don't believe it."

Not a word came out of her mouth and she looked from Poe back to the dance floor unable to tell him that the two of them had perhaps broken up. And..... it was all her fault.

Instead of easing Ben’s fears, she had doused gasoline on his pain. Should she tell Poe that? What a horrible person she was. Oh god, what had she done?

Taking a deep breath, a gasp really, Rey felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Poe?" she cried out and it turned into a sob.

"Heeey, what's wrong?" he scrunched his forehead with concern and stepped closer.

"Can you give me a lift home? I can't be here right now."

----

Waving her thanks to Poe, she watched him reverse out of the driveway and closed the front door. Not taking the time to remove her coat or turn on the lights, Rey riffled through her purse looking for her phone. She had to find Ben.

Would she call or text? Call! Yes, calling would be better and if he didn't answer, she’d go straight over to his house. Oh god, that was a nerve-wracking thought, driving over and just walking in. What if he wasn't alone...what if some chic was there? Rey’s mind began to spin as her own insecurities played tricks despite knowing, in her heart-of-hearts, he wouldn’t have anyone there. He loved her. Or at least, he had before all of this.

Bringing his number up on her phone, she headed through the dark kitchen toward her room, her ears still humming from the music at the dance. Staring at his number, she slowed to a stop and leaned against the hallway wall, sliding down to sit on the carpet. It was time.... and it felt scary as she had no idea where to start and Ben was not a guy to make things easy. It was no stretch of the imagination to envision him picking up and not saying a word, just listening on the other end as she stuttered on.

Regardless, there were things that needed to be said and for her part in the horrible mess, she wouldn't keep score. Honestly, how could any girl keep score when dating Ben Solo?

Deep breath in, Rey steadied her nerves and hit dial, her ear pressed to the phone as it began to ring. Waiting, listening, holding her breath, she didn't at first hear the faint buzzing sound. It was when she lowered the phone that it captured her attention. Ending the call, she sat straining to identify it but all was quiet in the house; the sound was gone. Tapping his number again, Rey redialed, keeping the phone in her lap away from her ear, her eyes fixed on the screen. The ringing began again along with that same buzzing.

Holy shit! Ben was there! Somewhere in the house! His phone was on vibrate!

Ending the call, she wasn’t sure what to do but panic surged through her, and as if on autopilot, she silently pushed herself up to stand. Rey didn't call out his name, instead, walked, tiptoed, to her bedroom door hesitating when her hand touched the handle.

Why wasn't she calling out to him? Why was her door even closed?

A thousand thoughts and feelings swirled in her head but none she could name. Snap out of it, she blasted yourself! It's Ben, her boyfriend, her true love; the guy she had been pining for all day. Not some intruder on the other side of the door ready to do horrible things.

Right?

Of course not... Of course not....she repeated to herself.

Carefully she turned the knob and slowly pushed open the door. Inside, the room was dark, and at the end of her bed sat a hooded figure... waiting. The light was too dim to see his face and his hood concealed his outline. It was the tension in the air and the way his head suddenly tilted to one side, looking in her direction, that confirmed it was him.

"Oh my god!" She finally cried, and swiped the wall, hitting the light switch on; both of them instantly recoiled and squinted from the brightness. "Ben! You terrified me!"

Making no move to stand, he kept looking at her, his eyes skipping over her face and down her body, clearly assessing the details of her appearance. It was his forced, joyless laugh that made every muscle in her body tense.

Steadying himself, he fell silent before sighing in a way that did not indicate his state of mind. Lifting his hand, he flicked his fingers, beckoning her closer, his wicked brown eyes conveying that all was not well.

Placing her phone on her dresser, she removed her coat, throwing it on the floor, and stepped out of her shoes. Walking toward him, she lowered to the carpet, resting on her knees and pushing in between his legs. He never took his eyes off of hers and her mouth went dry from the intensity.

So fast it made Rey flinch, he brought his hands up and cupped her cheeks. Normally it would have melted her heart but his steeliness strummed all her nerves making her stomach feel cold.

"Babe?" She peered up into his bottomless eyes, his brows furrowed. "Babe, I was just calling you. Today, I...."

"Where is Maz?" he cut her off. "She’s been gone all day."

"Oh..." Rey hesitated, ignoring how he knew that, "She’s away. Left this morning, a day early for her show on Monday. She’ll be back Monday night."
It was hard to know what answer he was looking for, but that didn't seem it as his face remained unchanged

"She leaves you alone overnight? A teenage girl with a bedroom on the ground floor and her fucking window unlocked. Any creep could get in."

The irony was lost on him and pointing it out was not the thing to do. Instead, she waited for him to finish, knowing he didn't actually want her to answer.

Still staring, he seemed to grimace as he, again, scanned her cheeks, eyes and mouth, his eyelids narrowing further.

"And who are you so dressed up for, hmm? Dameron? One day and you’re already riding around in his van?”

"He just gave me a ride home from the dance. I asked him to. I was crying."

That admission made his face flicker but only slightly.

"I was upset about our fight and missing you," she explained.

Using her courage, she raised her hands and finally touched him, resting them on his thighs.

Instantly, he turned and she thought for a moment he was moving away but instead, he leaned back and grabbed the box of tissues from the nightstand.

"It's okay, I'm not upset anymore. Thank you," her eyes flitted down to the yellow box he held up for her.

"No," his face tightened, "Wipe your face. Take that stuff off."

"Wha?"

"That lipstick," he quipped, lifting his eyebrows and glancing at the box, urging her on. "And that crap on your cheeks."

Slowly, she grabbed a tissue, pulling it from the box, another withdrawing behind. As she wiped the pink gloss from her mouth, and blush from her skin, he reached up and pushed his hoodie back, exposing the extent of his exhaustion; his pale face and dark ringed eyes, and messy hair that for the first time had no product in it. Seeing his weariness, Rey wondered what kind of sleepless and heartbroken roller-coaster he, himself, had been on since their fight.

Grabbing the dirty Kleenex from her, he tossed it onto the floor and took her chin in his hand making her wish he would just break the tension and kiss her.

"You know I don't like you wearing make-up."

"I know, it's just..."

"It's just what?"

"I don't know," she tried to look down, but he held her face in place, forcing her to look at him.

She felt scolded.

"You don't need that shit. You are so beautiful." Shaking his head, his eyes lowered for a second and he sighed her name, his body and defenses softening. “Too beautiful.”

"Ben," she whispered, rubbing her hands over his jeans. "Babe," she cooed softly making him close his eyes, frowning as if her affection pained him.

"What the fuck am I going to do with you?" he said quietly, opening his eyes. "What am I going to do?"

"Kiss me," she replied despite his harsh look, thinking of the first day he picked her up at lunch. "Kiss me, and we’ll figure out the rest," she whispered and his face began to blur as tears rose in her eyes.

And like that, his mouth was on hers, his hands holding her face, his breath revealing his relief and his whimper giving away his desperation. Her sweetheart was aching for her, all this time, but he had no idea what to do. His tongue pushed inside her mouth, his lips demanding more and she lifted her hands and gripped his hoodie, bracing herself from the force of his emotions. Her beautiful Ben had been adrift without her. Utterly lost!

Pulling back, he stared at her, his face filled with agony. "I love you so much," he whispered, his own eyes filling with tears.

"I love you too," she murmured back.

"Never. Run. From. Me. Again," he articulated as his nostrils flared, his threat easy to hear but she ignored it. "From this moment on, this second on, we belong to each other. Even more than we did before. Do you hear me?”

"I was always yours,” she sounded like she was pleading for him to believe her. "And I always, always, will be. I need you," she whispered.

"I need you," he repeated back as if swearing a vow. "Now," he let go of her face and straightened. "Show me," he jerked his chin and the slightest wave of arrogance came over him. "Show me," he said again, raising his dark eyebrows expectantly. "With your mouth."

Huh?

Was this a test, she wondered, wishing he'd continue touching her with the same love and need she felt just an instant ago? But of course, his defenses were still up; he was searching for reassurance. He was obviously not done punishing her. She could indulge him this one time.

Nodding, she looked down at his lap, running her hands over the bulge in his jeans. This was what he needed to feel her devotion. To feel in control.

In a flash, her quick hands had his jeans open, his beautiful cock upright in her grasp. It always amazed Rey how smooth his skin looked, his head a shade darker than the rest but all flawless with the slightest sheen.

Leaning down, she took him into her mouth, loving how it felt on her tongue and his hand grabbed the back of her neck, not pushing but letting her know that he could if he wanted. God, he tasted amazing; salty and clean and she tightened her fingers around his base and started to move.

Oh, how she loved the way he hissed when she bobbed her mouth up and down, his hips jerking and his grip on her neck getting tight. Each time she took him into the back of her throat, it triggered that reflex and like some submissive craving domination, she was instantly turned on. What was wrong with her that the idea of suffocating on him made her so wet?

Picking up her pace made him moan and she began to slam down a little harder and a touch further each time, making herself gag.

"Fuck!" he snarled in response clearly loving the sound of it. "You want to choke on my dick, baby? Hmm?" he grunted out into the room. “Aw fuck I missed you. Last night and all fucking day, I missed you....so much."

On she moved, and sucked, running the skin of his shaft in and out, her lips sliding down his length, her throat getting used to the roughness.

"I'm so lucky to be with you. Fuck!" he growled, rolling his hips up toward her mouth. "I don't give a shit about that other guy anymore. None of that matters. I just want to be with you. I love you."

That was the closest she knew he'd ever come to apologizing.

"My baby,” he groaned again, "You're so beautiful."

Reaching down he yanked up the skirt of her dress, shimmying it higher until it was above her waist and she was kneeling in her blue thong. He obviously liked it as he grunted again and squeezed her ass hard before pulling her mouth off of his dick, his eyes staring at her mouth which must have looked red and puffy and totally destroyed.

"Get on the bed and open your legs."

"Pardon?" her eyes flashed wide.

"I'm taking what’s mine."