Chapter Text

Soundproof House

Chapter One | Richie's POV

As my father’s fist connected fittingly with my jaw— I realized that my mouth had gotten me into trouble again. I never can seem to keep the damn thing shut. Though, at least I could take a bit of comfort in the fact that the bastard deserved every last word that spewed from my mouth – like some kinda liquid fire that couldn’t be extinguished. Words that ran faster than my brain could process the extent of their meaning.

I had come home from school to find my stash of magazines I knew I had kept hidden between my mattress and box spring spread out across the coffee table like some kinda fucked up presentation. I could feel my heart in my throat, coming up like bile. Who the fuck had found them? How the fuck did they find them – 

Oh, fuck me sideways. This means they know…

Dad stumbled out of the kitchen, a bottle of his over priced, tastes-like-fucking-cough syrup, brandy that's already half-downed, nearly sliding out of his loose grip. “Wha's tha' shit on my 'offee table, boy?” He half-slurred, half hiccuped; merely functioning just well enough to hobble within a dangerous range. “ANSWER ME!” He screams, potent breath burning the hairs in my nose.

“It’s highly engaging and thought provoking reading material,” I managed to spit back in the most sarcastic tone I could muster up through the stench that made me want to puke. It took all of two seconds before the back of his hand connected with my cheek. The pain is never any less stunning than the previous time.

“Don’ you dare get smart wit me an' that ugly mouth of yours. Now, tell me wha' the fuck that horrid…" he fumbled around for a bit, waving his hand in drunken thought before the word finally came to him " queer magazine is doing in my house. 'Is a disgrace!” Each sentence gets punctuated with a new form of punishment.

I spit the little bit of blood that was pooling in my mouth onto the stack of magazines, gazing at him through blurred vision after losing my glasses to one of the hits. “I think it’s pretty fuckin' obvious that you already know what’s in them if I’m already getting the shit kicked outta me for them. Or is that just cause you’re drunk again. Frankly, dad, I can't keep track anymore.” I watched the blood pooling in his face,  the rage in his eyes, and I could physically see the steam rolling from anger. 

“I’ll show you a beatin'! No son of mine…” he paused for a moment almost as if the sentence burned of lies. “We deal with the likes of queers in my house!” He drunkenly ranted, making a mockery out of the queen's English worse than even I could when hammered. I braced myself for the predictable blow to the stomach. Yet, it never came. Instead I took one straight to the eye. A normal zone that’s off limits for the most obvious of reasons. It bruises easily and it’s hard to hide. 

I stumbled backwards until my ass hit the floor. My shoulders scraped the coffee table on my way down, dragging the magazines along with me. I took a minute to blink back into my senses. Rubbing my eye, and feeling fully incensed myself, I stood back up to face him like the man he always claims I’m not. “You forgot to break my jaw when you beat the shit out of me! You know that still means I can suck dick, right?” I knew I was literally asking for it at this point, but I never learned when it was best to just shut up – like, I'm completely incapable of a self beep. The next blow was one of the hardest hits I had ever taken in my entire life. Dazed, I pulled myself back up off the ground and gave him a look of pure fire. It was then that I realized tonight wasn’t a night I would be able to stay. I’m not sure I could ever show my face here again, no matter if he was drunk or sober. I only had one choice. Run. 

My head throbbed with every step I took up those stairs – relying mostly on memory since I couldn't see shit. Oh, and there was no doubt I had a concussion too. Or hell, maybe I actually did end up with that broken jaw I asked for. 

I could tell he wasn’t far behind me, but lucky for me the alcohol played to my advantage for once. I slammed my bedroom door behind me and clicked the lock. Hopefully it would tide him over long enough for me to get out before he figured out how to unlock it.

My mind was racing. Thoughts whipping like tree branches in a thunderstorm. Vision blurry with pure white rage. It seemed that on nights like these I could never quite get my adrenaline to calm back down. Not when my father was banging on my bedroom door like a lunatic. Not when the man was way past wasted. He wasn’t so lucky this time. I couldn’t hide the blue and purple splotches that danced across my face. My father knew it too. And maybe that’s what scared him the most. It scared the man to think about what it could mean for us; our family. More importantly though, what it could mean for him. A mistake that’s not taken so lightly in the eyes of others. Though it was only considered a mistake in his mind as an afterthought. A way to make him feel better about what he did. He wanted to stop me from leaving. I could already feel the scheming plan of a sick week out of school dancing through his head. Something a younger version of myself would have been excited about. Something I now know is an even bigger trap than the normal extent of this hell hole. If I didn’t leave, no one else would see what he did. And people seeing? I laughed bitterly at the thought, realizing it was my one way ticket out of this house and out of Wentworth Tozier’s life. What a sorry fucking excuse of a father he is.

I do have to admit, he wasn’t always this bad. I remember the good times we had as a family. It’s been eleven years since then, but it still was good… once . A time before mom lost her job. Before the new rival dentistry opened in town and dad found his clients dwindling. Before he found the alcohol…

The alcohol rewired his brain. He saw the messes he made in the morning when he would finally stumble down the stairs, hungover and barely functioning. He would always blame them on me, giving him an excuse. Cause he could never take the blame upon himself. No, why would he? And when there wasn’t a mess, he blamed it on my mouth. Don’t you ever know how to shut up? I’ll be the first to admit I sometimes take things a bit too far. They don’t call me Trashmouth for nothing. But I never deserved the pleasure of feeling his hands squeezing, punching, smacking, or anything else he can manage to think to do to me in his wasted state. 

My mother isn’t much better when it comes to alcohol, but at least she knows how to keep her hands to herself. It’s her mouth that will get you. Sometimes I wonder if that’s where I get it from. Her voice is damning. The farthest thing from the comforting tone a mother should take. I can’t ever seem to do anything right in her mind either. The worst nights are when she tells me I’m not her son. She didn’t raise me to be the nuisance I am, so I can’t be hers. Though most of the time she just swears I’m not her son, not that I can’t be. Though, I feel like there is no way a mother can deny that the son she gave birth to is hers. But I guess that’s why the words hurt so much. However, every time she wakes up in the morning and has no recollection of the thought, much less any idea that she spit those words in my face like they wouldn’t shatter me into a million pieces. Maybe I could forgive her if it only happened once. Alcohol is a bitch. I would know. It’s one of the few ways I’ve found to cope. I never indulge in the level of drunkenness they do. It doesn’t take a genius to know that the condemnation of alcoholism is hard to escape from. Especially when it runs in families like a sticky black tar that is impossible to stop from seeping down the branches of the family tree. I do manage to indulge enough to numb the pain on nights I have no escape for the horrors hidden within this house. But with her, it’s never just one night. She’s spewing these words more and more to the point I believe she truly means them. A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts, am I right?

I quietly slid over to my nightstand, pulling out my spare pair of glasses that I thankfully never threw out after my prescription change. Putting them on and clearing up my vision to not-completely-blind status, I moved over to my closest and opened the door as quietly as possible in the hopes that between my fathers loud pounding and my gentle handiwork, the hinges wouldn’t squeak quite as loud as they normally do. I dug my Derry High sweatshirt out of the back of my closet. My goal was to pull the hood over my head to hopefully hide the giant bruise that covered my eye. I looked into the mirror that hung on the back of my bedroom door from across the room through the rumbles from every bang. I didn’t have much time before he literally beat the door down. Even from this distance, the bruise shined bright and no amount of ducking my head would actually save it from being seen. Like I said, the world never seems to give me the satisfaction. I quickly stuffed a few changes of clothes into my duffle bag. Maybe enough to not wear the same thing to school every day, but not enough for the kids to not question whether or not I actually wash my clothes as frequently as I wear them. 

Finally, I took one last glance at the black shoe box that sat at the top of my closet. The one constant form of comfort that never seemed to let me down was hidden inside. Though this wasn’t the time. I couldn’t manage to keep it hidden away without its trusty place in my closet. No, I can’t subject my friends to knowing about it either. I can’t put that burden on them. I already know that this new revelation is going to be enough to damn near make them kill me for not telling them sooner. It’s been weeks since I actually opened it, but like these leave me itching for it more and more. It just can’t come. I’ll have to make do. Maybe it's for the best. Though, would it actually hurt to leave it out for my parents to see? Would they even care?

There’s one person I really wish I could be with, but he is stuck behind the doors of his own special kind of abuser. A woman who claims to be shielding him from the dangers of this world. Whatever the fuck that means. 

Nah, that crazy bitch wouldn’t be caught dead letting me in her house. She thinks I’m corrupting her son with my filthy mouth and admiration for men. I’ve never blatantly told her this, but she assumes just like everyone in this god-forsaken town. I wish I could have the satisfaction of proving them wrong, but the world never seems to give me satisfaction of anything. I would give anything to see Eddie right now, but that’s an even bigger death wish than staying in this house with my drunk father. That leaves me with plan B.

That’s how I found myself outside Bill’s front door with my duffle bag weighing down my shoulder.  I don’t know what hurt worse, the weight of the duffle back or the weight in my chest as I raised my hand to knock on the Denbrough’s front door. Bill was the only one that ever knew about what happened behind the closed doors of the Tozier residence. My safe haven if you will on nights I couldn’t handle staying at home. For a moment I was worried they weren’t home. All of the lights were out and it seemed to be nearly silent. After a few seconds of waiting and the restlessness started kicking in, I heard Bill yell down the entryway hall. “Coming!” The moment Bill opened the door, he grabbed my cheeks and turned my head from side to side to get a better look and the shiner my father so graciously gifted me. Fuck me and my stupid, non-forgiving hoodie. “Oh, R-Rich. W-what happened?”

“He got me good this time, didn’t he?” I huffed out a sly laugh trying to lighten the mood, but I knew he could sense the way my voice wavered on the verge of tears.

“Beep, beep R-Richie.” He pulled me into a hug and let me inside. I pulled down my hood of false hopes knowing the facade wouldn’t hold up to Bill’s parents if he was able to see through it so quickly in the dark of the night.

“Bill, honey, who’s at the door at this hour?” His mom yelled over her shoulder from her spot on the couch. 

They looked to have all been watching a movie together as a family. Right. That’s why it was so dark in the house. Family movie nights are a thing they’ve done once a week ever since Georgie died. When something like that happens, it makes you cherish those moments that you may never get back. Sometimes I wish I could have moments like this with my family, but then I remember it will just end with a beating after the alcohol bottle is drained and the movie will be abandoned before the credits even roll.

“It’s just me, Mrs. D!” I yelled joyously, with an equally fake ridiculous smile plastered on my face. Something that has grown easier and easier to do over the years. A mask that has nearly become permanent to hide the pain.

“Richie? I didn’t know you were com—” Mrs. Denbrough started, getting up from her place on the couch to meet us as I walked inside the door. “Oh my god! What happened to you honey?” I flinched at the question. Though her voice was welcoming, but I knew her opinions wouldn’t be. What would she do if she knew the truth of what happens behind the doors of the Tozier residence? What would she do if she knew that the real reason I show up to their house in the middle of the night time and time again is to hide from my father after gaining a new bruise I can actually hide under comfort of my baggy clothes? It’s not something people can just take lightly. 

“Mom…” Bill gave her a look that screamed for help. She returned him a knowing look and came over to give me a hug.

“Richie, you are always welcome here, no matter the occasion, you know that. Please, just – make yourself at home.” It sounded robotic, with the slightest hint of pity. She wanted to stay calm and make me feel like there was nothing to worry about, but it’s like she didn’t know what to do in this kind of situation. She was just going through the motions. But all the well, she was trying and that is better than I can say for my parents. 

***

After I had settled in and we finished up the rest of Footloose that the Denbrough’s were watching prior to rather abrupt arrival, Bill had convinced his mom to let us stay in the living room so that we could continue to watch tv all night like it was a real sleepover rather than just a pity because we have to take you in stay. She brought us as many blankets as she could find lying around the house and made sure we had plenty of snacks before kissing Bill on the head, ruffling my hair, and heading to bed. We finally crashed around 3 A.M., but not before Bill had me explain to him what happened this time with painstaking details now that his mother was out of earshot. Though it felt just like any other time, the look of horror on his face was evident. Though I could never manage to tell him quite the extent of what started it. This wasn’t the first time we’ve sat through one of these talks. Not ever. Not this year. Not even this month. I don’t always escape to Bill’s house. I only come when it gets really bad. But that seems to be happening more and more lately. Sometimes I wonder if the drunkenness even goes away from day to day or if he’s just building on top of what he had the night before. I mean, it makes sense. He never stops anymore really.

***

I never had the experience of waking up to the smell of bacon frying in the skillet back home. It’s a luxury I could never afford; a home cooked meal. I was lucky if we even had tv dinners stuffed somewhere in the back of the freezer. I guess there really is a first time for everything, especially when you are with a family who actually cares about you. 

But if that wasn’t jarring enough of a difference, then the lady wearing a navy blue suit nursing a cup of coffee at the Denbrough’s dining table sure was. I had never seen this lady in my life, but she wore a look of determination mixed with sadness. A seasoned professional at concern, if you will. 

As if she heard my thoughts, she turned to look at me. “You’re awake! How are you feeling, Richard?” Her voice was high pitched and nasally. She sounded way too happy for it to be the ass crack of dawn.

“Umm— I’m okay, I guess. Who are you?” I attempted to run the sleep out of my eyes and blindly fumbled for my glasses on the floor beside the pallet we had made. That’s also when I noticed that Bill was already up, supporting a nervous face and he flashed worried eyes between his parents and I. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry to be rude! My name is Mrs. Johnston.” She stood gently, almost treating me like some rabid animal she didn’t want to freak out. She walked towards me with a hand outstretched. An introduction. I scrambled to my feet to shake her hand as I clumsily shoved my glasses on my face with the other hand. She continued, “I’m from Social Services. Mrs. Denbrough gave me a call because she’s pretty worried about you and I can see why. That’s a pretty fine bruise you have there.” Self-consciously, I lift my hand to my eye, covering it like a dirty secret. It seems I have many of those that people are shining a fucking light on these days. “I would love to talk with you. Would you be more comfortable talking alone? If not, we can all sit down and all chat together.”

I took a nervous glance towards the Denbroughs. They wore a face of guilt, but attempted to give me their best look of reassurance. “I don’t want to be alone.” I sighed, joining them at the table.

“That’s understandable. I want you to know that you can trust me. I’m here to help you. Your story and its details are very important to me. The only way I can help you is if you tell me the truth.” She said, returning to her own chair. I grimaced, but nodded determinedly. This was the only way I could double bird old daddy fuck-worth with lasting results. So, that's how I found myself sitting there at that suddenly stupidly uncomfortable table telling my story. A tale of woe encompassing all of the years of abuse I’ve endured as she just nodded along taking notes. 

And that's when it occurred to me: This shit is nothing new to her. I’m not some special case. For fucks sake, I'm a normal goddamn day in (Well out, really, or whatever) in office. And it made me sick to my fucking stomach to think of all of the other kids who have endured the same things I have. I mean, I can take it. I’m strong-willed (literal) sonuvabitch and have a mouth to back myself up even when my body fails me (probably should be the other way around, but fuck it). But I know there are kids out there who have nothing but the house they are rotting away in. How many are able to get help? Not enough. It took eleven years for me. Some take a lifetime. I don’t blame Bill for not mentioning something sooner. God, I actually blame my own dumbass sometimes. Christ knows how many times my brain supplied me with some version of the thoughts: Why haven’t you told anyone? Do you actually like this shit? You must if you are willing to stay there. 

I almost lost it right there, thinking that maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. But that would probably have ended with me in a nut-house. 

“We want to help, Mrs. Johnston. He needs a safe home. What process do we need to go through to be able to take him in here?” Bill's mom almost looked like she was pleading. It was a coin toss when she called on what the outcome would be. She had to have known the risks of me being taken away, but the risk of me staying in that house was so much greater. It made her choice easy, even if the outcome might not go in her favor.

Mrs. Social Services Lady, or whatever the hell her name was, took a deep sigh as she began to dig in her briefcase that laid on the kitchen table. “While your ambition is admirable, it’s rather unnecessary. I know Richie would love the chance to live with his best friend. From what you have told me about your family dynamic, it could be great for him. But the time I’ve spent reviewing his files have been interesting.” She unfolded a manila folder labeled Wentworth and Maggie Tozier.

“His files? What do you mean? You already have information on him?” Bill’s mom asked frantically, looking back and forth between everyone around the table in confusion.

“Mrs. Denbrough, this isn’t Richard’s first time with Social Services,” the lady said very slowly. And I immediately shot Mrs. Helps-the-poor-bastards a what the fuck look. What the hell is she talking about?

“Has someone reported my parents before? How would they do that without me knowing? Wouldn’t you come talk to me and get my story like you are doing now?” My mind was now running a mile a minute as I thought through every encounter I had ever had with my father. How many beatings were from someone possibly finding out and attempting to report him? How many times did he weasel his way out of this shit?

“Oh honey, you don’t know do you?” There was a look of sympathy with a hint of glistening tears in her eyes.

“Know what? I’m extremely confused here.” I slowly stood up from my chair as the legs loudly scraped the ground.

“Richie, I just want to apologize that the background check ever went through in the first place. Though you said it yourself, they weren’t always like this.” Her words were coming out faster than daggers being thrown. “Maggie and Wentworth aren’t your real parents. They adopted you when you were only a baby” 

Mrs. Denbrough looked like the dam of tears was going to burst any second. Bill just stared at the lady as if she was from another planet, not able to comprehend the revelation that was just made about his lifelong best friend. Mr. Denbrough was gripping his wife’s hand in comfort. And I? Well, I was out the front door before she could even say another word. I couldn’t take it anymore. You mean I didn’t just get stuck with the worst parents on the face of the earth by the fate of conception? You mean they actually chose me just to wish they hadn’t all these years later? You mean I now have two families that don’t want me? Oh ho ho, because of fucking course. It makes sense, really. I'm just a big trashmouth. I’m a disappointment. Why would anyone want me? And wouldn’t ya fucking know? It's just as I feared: my mother's words were true. 

The bitch wasn't just having a dickish bout of wishful thinking. She was goddamn straight-up telling me the inside scoop. 

See, there's a difference between not considering your son to be yours and him not actually being yours. I'm honestly not sure which feels worse, but I don't have to worry about that distinction because both realities are true for me. 

I suddenly felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and turned to see Mrs. Johnston kneeling beside me on the grass. For the first time in minutes, I’m fully aware of the stream of tears that litter my face. “I’m so sorry you had to find out this way. This situation is something I would never wish upon anybody and you are so strong for enduring it as long as you have. I do have a little bit more news to share with you. This one hopefully will be good.” She reached up to wipe the tears that ran down my cheeks. “I have a family that wants to come meet you. They are caring, loving, and very good people. And most of all, they have cared for your brother for the last seventeen years.”

“My brother?” I asked with a hopeful look in my eyes.

“You have a twin brother who was separated from you at birth. His name is Mike and he lives with the family that would like to meet you. They are from Hawkins, Indiana.”

Chapter Text

Everything We Never Knew

Chapter 2 | Mike's POV

I never expected that a random Thursday afternoon could change everything. It wasn’t even an abnormal day (and I don’t mean by Hawkins standards). Really, it felt like every other day. And truthfully, you would think after everything we have been through, that nothing would have the capability of shocking me anymore. Hell, if monsters and superpowers are real, is there really anything that isn’t possible. However, there’s never originality in our day to day lives anymore. Or at least there wasn’t before now. But I can’t really complain because at least that means things are calm with the upside down for the time being. Ever since our final battle with Vecna, life just seemed to carry on. Nothing bad ever really comes to fruition. Nothing good either. But today changed everything. And for the first time, it wasn’t something supernatural.

It was my night to host Hellfire club and the entire Party was waiting for me downstairs in the basement. I was supposed to be grabbing the assortment of snacks that my mother spent her free afternoon making. Sometimes I wonder if she takes more pride in the days I host than I do. Just as she was putting the finishing touches on her tray of goodies, the phone rang in the hall. 

“Michael, honey, do you mind grabbing that while I finish these up?” She asked, hands covered in oven mitts from the cookies she just pulled out of the oven.

“Yeah, mom,” I answered back as I quickly ran to grab it as it had already rang three times, hoping not to miss it as I breathed in the delicious smell of chocolate chip peanut butter cookies. I picked it up and calmly took a breath, preparing myself for a conversation. “Wheeler residence, this is Mike speaking.”

“Hello Mike. How are you today?” Came the voice of a woman on the other end of the line. Her voice sounded sweet and comforting, but there was something about her tone that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. 

“I’m fine,” I stated rather unsurely, licking my lips. I couldn't help but find it weird that this random person was asking how I was like the lady knew me or some shit like that. Hell, she hadn't even told me her name! “Um… may I ask who this is?” I didn’t mean for it to sound rude, but seriously, what kind of person doesn’t introduce themselves first before asking questions on a phone call?

“Oh! Dear me, how rude! I apologize!” She replies with a hearty laugh that was just on the edge of irritating. “My name is Mrs. Johnston. I’m with Social Services. Is your mother or father around for me to speak to?” 

This made my mind jam up like in one of those cartoons when the character throws a wrench into the gears of a clock or something. What the hell is someone from social services calling for? There’s no way my parents would be thinking of adopting – they have three kids already! There was no way they were gonna raise another! And even more, there’s no way the call is about them! Because let’s be honest, while they aren't exactly the most aware parents ever emotionally and the fact they never noticed all the misadventures me, Nancy, and our collective group of world saviors got into over the years until a literally fiery red crack in the middle of the damn town opened up, they aren't bad parents. Just… a little, well, dumb. She must just have the wrong number.

“Yeah… let me get my mom for you,” I told her with a hint of skepticism in my voice as I lowered the phone from my ear and covered the speaker. “Mom, there’s a Mrs. Johnston from Social Services who wants to talk to you.” I mentioned the part about Social Services with confusion, hoping to get my point across that this is probably just a wrong number, but the look she gives me in return tells me that it’s not. Everything was stoic about her expression besides her eyes. I’ve always been able to read through them. There was the tiniest hint of pain there. A secret that her son shouldn’t know, yet had so generously been alluded to, and it caused a sinking feeling to settle over me. There was definitely something big going on, and I sure-as-shit was gonna pry it from her later. Now, however, was not the time. 

She shoves the tray of snacks in my hand and takes over my spot on the phone, taking a deep breath before holding the line up to her ear. I didn’t spend much more time upstairs watching. I had too many people waiting on me to get our night started. But needless to say, I couldn’t shake the phone call from my mind.

***

After making mistake after mistake in our campaign, the guys were really starting to worry about me. It wasn't normal for me to be so distant in our games. I liked being the center of attention just as much as Eddie had back when he ran these things before he died like a mother fucking hero. But I was spending the entire time being outshone by Lucas of all people. The most laid back one in the group when it came time to a new campaign. 

“Alright, Wheeler – what the hell is going on with you tonight?” Dustin was never one to let this behavior slide, and it shouldn’t have surprised me, but I still jumped at his words. “Woah, dude, are you alright? You look white as Vecna’s ghost right now.” He laughed casually for a bit before his face turned gravely serious. “There’s no paranormal, other dimension shit happening again is there? Please tell me there’s not.” 

“Unless you count the weird phone call I had earlier, then no. Just a bit confused, I guess.” I sighed, rubbing my forehead in what was supposed to be a soothing motion but probably had come off as rather anxious. “I’m sorry guys. I know I’m ruining the campaign.” God, it had just a simple phone call and a short one at that.

“You want to talk about it?” Will asked gently, nudging my shoulder with his own. He seemed to take a way less hostile approach to the issue at hand seeing as how my soul practically left my body the first time Dustin asked. But then again, that’s just Will. He’s always been different with me. We just get each other.

“I mean there’s really not much to say…” I started off slowly, racking my brain on why it left me feeling so unsettled. Maybe it’s just the uncertainty? The way my mom looked at me? Hell, I don’t even know. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I only talked to the lady for a few seconds before handing the phone over to my mom. But I can’t seem to get over the fact that a Social Services representative called the house – and it wasn't an accident.” At this, Will gave me a disconcerting look of concern.

“Look Mike, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. Your mom will probably talk to you about it later when we all leave if it is.” He gave a look around the table to the other guys who looked just as confused as I felt. When his eyes landed back on me, he raised his eyebrows as if he was trying to make me understand why he wasn’t explaining. It only took me a minute before it dawned on me. Right… this probably wasn't exactly the conversation you should be having in front of a room full of guests – regardless of how close I was to all of them.

“Fine, you’re right,” I sighed in defeat, hoping no one else would continue to try and pry into the matter. 

We carried on with our campaign, and like I figured, I died off way too soon (If you’re wondering, I got impaled by a giant scorpion while saving Dustin. Who had the audacity to not even thank me for my unintended sacrifice!). I took the moment to sneak upstairs to grab a drink and, upon reaching the top of the stairs, I heard my mother’s muffled voice still on the phone. She had drug the phone cord into the hall bathroom just in case someone happened to come upstairs. It was a private call and had lasted quite a while now. There will definitely be something to talk about, but I can’t manage to wrap my head around it. Instead, I grab a bottle of coke and head back downstairs to watch as Will killed off Vecna. 

We’ve made it our mission to redo all of our campaigns against the monsters we’ve fought in the Upside Down, hoping to use the experience as a way to help cope with the trauma of everything we’d been through. It has been surprisingly helpful. Everyone’s attention turned to me as I took my final step off the stairs. “What?” I got a room full of you know what looks. “Fine, fine. She’s still on the phone. And before you ask, no I couldn’t hear what she was saying.” I sank down next to where El and Max were sitting on the couch and rested my head against El’s shoulder. I was definitely getting tired. It was past 10 P.M. Clearly my mother’s distraction has made her forget her normal rule of shooing everyone off before it gets too late.

As if my thoughts called out to her in a reminder, she was coming down the stairs. “Kids, you all know the rules. Time to go home.” She started heading back upstairs, turning directly towards me with a look of sadness. I may not have had all the pieces to this increasingly worrisome puzzle, but I just knew in my gut something was wrong. 

We got everything packed up and everyone out the door, though Will and El hung back for a few extra minutes, taking their time saying their goodbyes. Will leaned in close, close enough that his lips had practically grazed my ear as he whispered, “Do you need me to stay?” 

I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat and quickly shook my head, feeling my skin prickly and a warmth I both loved and loathed pooled within my chest at our closeness. Whatever it was, my mom really wasn’t attempting to talk about it in front of our guests. You know, the perfect Wheeler family reputation and all that. So, while Will’s support would have been great, mom would never actually say anything with him still here – even though he is her favorite out of all the Party members. With a sad smile, he leaned back, giving me a look of understanding as his fingers came to a gentle rest on my elbow. God how I had had to fight to suppress a shiver. “It’s going to be okay, Mike. Whatever it is. Radio if you need me. Our channel if you need it to be just us. I promise I’ll stay close to it.” I gave my best friend my most reassuring smile, even though inside my mind was eating me alive. I turned to get a quick kiss from El and then I walked them out the basement door.

As I slowly crept up the stairs while preparing for the worst, I found both my mother and father sitting at the dining room table. It was a rare occurrence to see them so close back then. And even rarer still to see my dad’s face layered with conflicting emotions – none of them seeming good and almost made him seem constipated. 

And quite honestly? It scared the shit outta me. 

They motioned for me to sit down before both lending me a comforting hand that felt anything but when I took it after a moment's hesitation. Mom immediately moved into ‘mother hen’ mode – which was never a good sign before a big talk – while dad gave me a look of pity and reassurance combined to do the exact opposite of the latter, sending me into a spiral of confusion. I felt claustrophobic. The tension was high and it seemed like the air was evaporating.

“Honey, we need to talk with you about something really important,” mom said following her clearing her throat. She takes an uneasy glance at dad before continuing, “I don’t want you to worry, but we do want you to know the truth because there will be some changes.” 

I was preparing myself for the worst. It sounded like we were verging into the we are getting a divorce territory. Though they didn’t seem perfect at times, I didn’t think it was that bad. Sometimes dad just sleeps in the Lay-Z-Boy and mom occasionally likes to slip into the bathroom with a bottle of wine. What’s the harm in that? 

But then I noticed something: her words were directed at me alone. 

Using her special ‘mom’ powers that I’ve never been able to explain she seemed to sense my concern, squeezing my hand tightly before continuing. “We probably should have told you this sooner, but we didn’t know how you would react and then the years just kept flying by and you got older and older and it just got to the point where it just seemed like there was no point –”

“Karen,” dad cut in, giving her a certain look like she needed to just come out and say whatever it is that this whole thing that was freaking me the fuck out was about. 

She swallowed tightly, flicking glances between me and dad before with remorseful tone dropped the bombshell of all bombshells:

“You are adopted, Mike.”

It felt like the entire house just crumbled down on me. Air wasn’t getting to my lungs anymore. I wasn’t even in my body. I was just standing there staring vacantly at the scene unfolding in front of me. I looked back and forth between the two of them, my mind trying to process this and make it work with everything I had thought I'd known. But then suddenly, in a moment of horrifying clarity, I could see it. I didn't look like either of my parents. Nancy does. And so does Holly. But me, not even in the slightest. And me, being the dipshit that I am, who never thinks much past what's immediately in front of me, always just chalked it up to looking like some past dead relative or something.

 My whole life had been a lie. This wasn't my family. 

Wait, what does this have to do with a stupid phone call? Why are they telling me now?

Oh, shit. Did I have a long-lost relative who was looking for me? An aunt or uncle who wanted to take me away from everything and everyone I knew and loved?

I began to hyperventilate. Mom immediately jumped from her chair, round the table and dropping to her knees at my side, taking me into her embrace and rocking me back and forth in her arms as she whispered my reassurances I couldn't hear over the internal sounds of my entire universe shattering while dad sat there watching; completely unsure what to say or do in classic Ted Wheeler fashion. 

I don’t know exactly how long it took me to calm down, but eventually did. Though not after thoroughly soaking my mom’s shoulder with my tears that had started pouring down my face at some point. Mom seemed to realize I was, pulling back far enough to cup my face in her hands and gingerly wipe away a few tears with her thumbs as she ruthfully gazed upon my freckled face through her own tear-filled eyes. “Oh, Sweetie, we didn’t mean to upset you with that. You will always be our son, ok? Even if you aren’t biologically ours, we still love you just as much as if you were.” She then smiled at me, sniffing as she did. “We chose you, Mike. And that’s a special kind of love, really.” 

And though it wasn't an “I love you”, it was the closest I would probably ever get in this house. It just… goes unsaid most of the time. And while sometimes over the years I did wonder if they were just loveless people, I eventually came to realize that just because they may not be good at saying it, it didn't mean they didn't care.

“Why me?” Was what I ultimately managed to ask. Because what else could I have asked?

“It’s simple really. Your father and I were high school sweethearts. The it couple at Hawkins, if you will.” Mom paused momentarily to smile fondly at dad. And in a rare turn of events, he actually smiled back. “We had found out just before graduation that I was pregnant with Nancy.” I really wasn’t sure how many more revelations I could take in one night. And I guess it was evident on my face because mom let out a hearty laugh. “We were scared, but we knew that we would make it work. We got married and started our life as a family. Nancy was the best baby you could ask for. Everything went so smoothly and she was such a smart girl – still is a smart girl,” she corrects herself. “She was the kind of child that made you want another. And so we tried and tried time and time again. We were always unsuccessful. It made us stop and appreciate the fact that we went through with the pregnancy at such a young age in the first place. But we never lost hope that we would be able to have another child to call our own. After four years, that hope was dwindling. Not gone, mind you, just less. There were multiple doctors visits and then we were finally given another option. He informed us of a mother who was much younger than we were when we had Nancy. She was looking for willing parents to adopt. We got connected with Mrs. Johnston – yes the very same –” she chuckled at my look of shock, “at Social Services and we got to bring home you: our beautiful baby son. And of course, you know about our happy little surprise Holly” I scrunched up my nose in disgust at the implication of my parents actively having sex for fun. I could feel myself spiraling into nausea as I couldn't help but think about how often they possibly had sex while Nancy and I were in the house before she caught my attention again. “But, I say all of that to tell you that we wanted you, son.” I was crying hard again now, and I felt like such a fool. 

See, all my life I’ve always felt like the forgotten middle child who seemed to never do anything right. Almost like I was a ghost in my own home. But I’ve never felt this way before. I had never felt so clearly wanted . Because my parents chose me. They wanted me. The only thing that kept me from wanting to explode was that my father’s eyes were teary too. Which was… weird. So, so weird. But I knew it really was an emotional thing. And that it was okay to feel the way I was feeling.

“Thank you for choosing me,” I managed through my sniffles, trying to calm myself back down again. “But what does this have to do with the phone call?”

She let out a heavy sign. I could tell it had really been weighing on her since she heard who was on the phone. “You weren’t the only one, Mike. Your mother gave birth to twin boys that day.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to connect the dots.

“Mike… honey… You –” she bit her lip, looking as if she was trying to fully comprehend this herself, “you have a twin brother.” 

My jaw dropped then. It literally fucking dropped.

“He went to a family in Derry, Maine.” She continued, trying to hurry through before I inevitably bombarded her with questions. “Though, now there have been a few, well, problems .” She said the final word with so much pain. And though she wouldn’t elaborate on it, I figured it had to be something bad. Something that had been bad enough for him to be brought up by Social Services. “He needs to find his forever family. You two are seventeen… which means he wouldn’t get the chance at some foster home.” Tears started streaming down her cheeks. She sniffed hard as my dad awkwardly moved over to join us and started rubbing her back. “They don’t normally take the older children. He would end up in a group home for boys and my heart just can’t take the idea of that happening to him. To your brother. He needs a family that will love him. Mrs. Johnston thinks it would be best if you two were together right now. Maybe forever. He really needs us.” 

I had expected a lot of things from this conversation. Well, it was more of worries of what could happen rather than expectations. But, am I actually feeling happiness? I have a brother. A twin brother who needs me ? I’ve grown up with two sisters. But now I have a brother? Wait… 

“Where’s he going to sleep?” 

Mom barked out an incredulous laugh at that, and shook her head fondly at me. “Well, we still need to meet him and talk with Mrs. Johnston about the arrangements before anything is final, but we were thinking that maybe you two could share a room. It would give you a chance to bond together.”

“What! I am not sharing my room!” And talk about a complete one-eighty – I was suddenly furious. That was my space. I was seventeen! I wanted my own privacy. I had a girlfriend for fucks sake. Not that we’ve necessarily done more than making out, but it's still the principle of it all. And more importantly, where in the fuck was I supposed to masturbate? I didn't need someone I don’t even know barging in here and taking over what’s mine or… or… catching me in the act! I didn't care that he was my brother. In fact, that made it even worse! “Why can’t he just have Nancy’s room? She doesn’t even live here anymore!”

“Michael! Now I know that seventeen is a hard age to deal with changes, especially big changes like this. But he really needs to be close to people right now. He needs to be close to you.”

***

So, that’s how I found myself in the backseat of the car. Squeezed between our luggage on the forever long drive to Derry, Maine a few days later. Holly was lucky and got to stay home with Nana while I suffered through an agonizingly boring car ride. The only positive thing about the whole trip was that it was one of those rare times where my mom actually let me skip school, so I couldn’t complain too much. She was normally the kind of parent that worries about things like how I’d be missing out on my education, but clearly this was important enough to trump that. 

I also wasn’t allowed to tell anyone what was going on until we had Richie in our custody. All I could do (with extreme reluctance) was radio the Party and let them know I wasn’t going to be at school Monday and that I wouldn’t see them until Saturday night. Anticipating a bombardment of questions, I had quickly told them all I couldn't say jack until I got back but that they should all come over that night and meet up together in the basement. They would assume it was – following me explaining what weird shit was going on – just another movie night. A way to chill out and unwind after what they knew must be some kind of big deal. But little did they know that it was really going to be how they’d get to meet my long-lost twin brother if everything goes right. So, that accomplished, I turned my radio off and sat it down on my nightstand before grabbing my overnight bag and headed for the car.

We would be staying five days in a hopefully not-shabby hotel on the outskirts of Derry. Most of our time, however, would be spent at the Denbrough’s house. It was supposedly my brother’s best friend’s house and where he was staying for the time being. Though the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. The first place I would run would be Will’s and I know he would do the same.

When we pulled up in the driveway of their house after spending what felt like the entirety of the remainder of the year driving – each mile bringing more and more anxiety at the knowledge that I was getting closer and closer to meeting Richie. My parents and I got out and followed close behind me, having said that I should be the one to knock on the door. I didn’t know why, but it was the most nervous I had been in a really long time – probably since I flew out to California to see Will and El – Er, I meant El and Will. I slowly reached up and knocked three times before standing there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with my hands. A boy came to the door. He looked nothing like me so I assumed he must be his friend. 

He was staring at me with the most disbelieving look – like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He didn't say a word as he stood there frozen in place. That’s when someone walked around the corner and I could see him just past the boy who stood in the way of the door. We locked eyes and there was no denying it. We looked identical, minus that giant ass glasses that covered most of his face and the remnants of a yellowing bruise circling his eye. 

Richie really is my twin brother.

Chapter Text

The False Things We Accept As Absolute Fact

Chapter 3 | Will's POV

I was startled out of my thoughts by the static crackle of the supercom screeching out from underneath my bed where the thing had laid nearly forgotten for the past couple of weeks. 

I had been thinking about how Hawkins really had bloomed into the boring shithole it was always supposed to be – not that I could really say that I minded  all that much. Because to be honest, when you’ve been through literal hell and back? It becomes pretty hard to tell you which is actually worse. Cause even in the quietness of the Upside Down, Hawkins is never really quiet to people like me. 

“Hey guys! If anyone is listening… oh it’s Mike by the way,” the supercom crackled out, causing me to smile fondly and laugh. Because only Mike would feel the need to actually announce his name when he didn't need to, like we all didn't know his voice after about a decade of friendship. “I don’t want you guys to worry. I’m not going to be at school this week. I’m not sick or anything, but I can’t really talk about it right now. I have to go! I’ll see you guys on Saturday for movie night!” 

The line cut out and I ran from where I was standing at my closet door and jumped on top of my bed, leaning over the edge as I started digging under a few stray flannel shirts that had somehow made it under there instead of my laundry for the radio. I quickly yanked it up and rolled onto my back in a shift motion that left me a bit light-headed and out of breath. “Mike? Do you copy?” I waited a couple of seconds for a reply that never came. No one else ever said anything either. That’s when I looked down and noticed that my radio was turned to channel 13. Our channel. I was the only one that heard the news.

Something about that left me with a feeling in my stomach that made me both giddy and sick. Mike was on our channel. Mike told me – and only me. Maybe he meant to say something last night after I left. I had told him that he could always radio me our channel. Not that he didn't already know that. 

I paused, chewing my lip in thought. Had I maybe not heard him? Is he actually okay? Something has to be wrong if he’s not going to be at school for a week, knowing Mrs. Wheeler.

My mind began racing through all of the possibilities of what could have happened. Did his parents really do something to get Social Services called on them? And if so, who would have called? I’ve been to Mike’s house a million times over and while they aren’t perfect, they wouldn’t actually hurt Mike. Mike would have said something, right? 

Right!?

I could feel the anxiety building in my chest. Feeling it tighten in advance of the oncoming attack. Calm down, Will, I told myself. He already knows he will be back for movie night. Movie night is at his house. He’s coming back, so it can’t be that bad. Maybe he’s just going to visit family. 

It was a bit curious, to be sure, but not completely out of the picture. A mental check couldnt reveal anything wrong with the extended family I knew about. So, unless they were calling about a long lost cousin or something or maybe someone in their family is having some trouble – Mrs. Wheeler did always have a heart for helping – I was scrambling for a reason forthe sudden departure. I needed to just stop making things up to justify that Mike is going to be gone with no warning or explanation of where he’s going. He would be fine.

I, however, wasn’t so sure about myself. A small fear coursed through my mind as I reconciled with the fact that I was going to be alone. See, Mike had become my own personal bodyguard against Troy – even more so ever since that day he had defended me while I was trapped in the Upside Down. As long as Mike is there, he steers clear. Because even though we all know that El was the one that actually did everything to Troy that day (Hell, even Troy knows that), wherever Mike is, El tends to follow. So it works out just the same.

And It’s not like the others didn’t care, it’s just that Mike cared more . Sometimes I even wonder if it’s a territory thing because Mike can be extremely protective. We’ve always been attached at the hip since we were kids – a fact that has always caused slurs to be thrown our way. 

And, in the spirit of honesty, I couldn’t exactly say that they were wrong to call me those things. God knows how much time I’ve spent secretly hoping that they were right about him as well, as terrible as that is. Because while I knew I shouldn't wish this… this affliction upon anyone – I would have given anything for them to be right and for Mike and I to actually be together. 

But no matter how much I wished for it, I was convinced they were wrong about one thing: Mike being gay. But to hell with it all. It really is whatever. One thing was clear though, I should have just stayed home the moment Mike said he wasn’t going to school. I didn’t care how much trouble it would get me in later with mom. I just had a feeling. 

Too bad I still hadn’t learned to trust my instinct. 

***

The first period bell hadn’t even rang yet before I had my first run in of the day with Troy. He was standing by his relatively new Mustang in the parking lot when I pulled up, conveniently without Mike in my passenger seat for the first morning in a very long time. Mike had already failed his drivers test three times and with Nancy having college classes, she wasn't able to drive him anymore. So, it had become a routine: He would ride his bike over every morning and would hitch a ride with me and El in my beat up, piece of shit Pinto. 

I wouldn’t ever complain in Mike’s company. It was a nice arrangement. He would always choose to sit up front with me instead of in the back with El. He claimed it was because he gets ‘car sick’, but it was a win in my book. But that day, it was El that resided in the passenger seat and the sight left Troy grinning from ear to ear. 

“Hey, Zombie Boy! Where’s frog face? Did your boyfriend finally get tired of being a fag and ditch you?” His words dug under my skin and I clenched the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white, not wanting to spare him a second of my time to look in his direction. But I could feel the excitement he felt knowing his words got to me.

“Troy, you know Mike is my boyfriend, not Will’s. He won’t be here today.” 

I sighed, feeling the need to bang my head against the steering wheel. I love her to death, but sometimes El can be so stupid. Why couldn't she ever just keep her mouth shut? Didn’t she know that she’s just going to make things worse? I could see curiosity building in his eyes. El had just confirmed the one thing that could actually make his day. An entire day… no, an entire week without Mike by my side. 

“You just keep telling yourself that, honey. We all know you are just the beard!” His boisterous laugh rang in my ears. 

It took a minute of watching El contemplate the sentence before she finally scrunched up her face in confusion. She looked right between me and Troy before letting the words that nearly sent me into a spiral slipped between her teeth. “A beard? Isn't that what Hopper has on his face? Why would Mike be that?”

I wanted to laugh. Hell, it was hysterical. In any other situation it would have been a funny moment to joke about. But the moment I explained it to her would be the moment I convicted myself for good. And I just can’t bring myself to do that. But it did beg the question of how he knew what it meant. Though I didn’t want to spend a second longer contemplating it in front of him. I was fed up. I quickly got out and slammed the door before walking into the building, never looking back. I was trying everything I could to hold back the tears from his words that stung like needles.

Luckily, we don’t share any classes. So I was graced by the absence of Troy’s presence until lunch. Normally, I wouldn’t even be able to see him in the crowd of the lunch room as he tried to keep his distance for the most part. But that day, he changed tables and sat one away from where the Party sits. He was sporting that same large grin he was wearing earlier, the one that screamed he was up to something mischievous. But upon looking deeper, I could catch a look in his eyes that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Like some kind of underlining nervousness. 

Amongst getting lost in the distraction of reading Troy’s troubled face, I managed to miss when he stuck his foot out to trip me. My tray full of food collided with my face as I hit the ground. It was humiliating. I took my index fingers and wiped the food out of my eyes before looking up at him. I fully expected him to be laughing his head off, but I was surprised to see not a look of maliciousness adorning his asshole face, but a bizarre look of regret before he realized I was looking and he shifted into a seemingly forced chuckle.

I quickly got up and ran for the bathroom, abandoning my tray on the cafeteria floor where it landed when I fell. I just had to get out of there. Once I made it to the bathroom, I stood in front of the sink to get a good look at the disappointment that stared back at me. I could barely recognize myself anymore. I leaned down to rinse off my face, scrubbing generously at the mashed potatoes that coated my hair as I wondered why Mike had to miss today along with the ageless thought of why did Troy have to be such a dick?

The old, metal bathroom door creaked open slowly. I rose up from the sink to look in the mirror behind me with water droplets dripping off my chin. From the mirror, I saw a boy quickly shut the door and turn the lock before leaning his head against the door and releasing a nervous sigh. So someone else was having a bad day…

I pulled the bottom hem of my shirt up and wiped off the dripping water from my face. “Are you okay?” I asked, ever the thoughtful person, though my voice was muffled through my shirt. When I finally pulled it down, I saw that it was Troy standing behind me. 

Of. Fucking. Course.

He stood there picking at his fingernails and his eyes kept darting towards the door. My heart rate started picking up. We were alone in here. The door was locked and my friends didn’t even come to check on me when I ran out. No one was coming and I slowly started to accept that. Albeit, this was bound to happen at some point this week. I just hadn’t been expecting it to happen so soon. I slowly turned to look at him head on with so much fury and anger steaming from the freshly washed skin of my face. “What the hell do you want, Troy? Did you come to pick on me some more? Follow me in here so you can actually hurt me this time without the fear of a watchful eye?” I accused, voice full of acid, knowing I had to at least attempt to hold my own even if my words would only end up making him more mad. 

I had to hold in an incredulous bark of laughter. After everything, this was how I was going to die. A classic really. Kill the fag before he has a chance to do all of those faggy things, right? It will make the world a better place.

But what he actually did shocked the hell out of me.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a voice crack that almost sounded like he was about to cry. He took a slow, shaky step forward. 

He’s sorry? I thought as I countered with a quick step back until my back hit the sink behind me. I had nowhere to go. 

“You’re sorry?” I asked skeptically, this time aloud. He didn’t say a word in return, only reached up to rest a hand on my cheek to wipe away the dripping water that had started mixing with my tears. I was in utter shock. The boy who just humiliated me in front of the entire school was holding my face in the most intimate position I have ever been in. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t talk. I just stood there and stared at him as if he killed a man in front of me. Like it was the most revolutionary discovery I could make. And quite honestly it was.

After a beat of us just staring at each other, neither able to do anything more or anything less, Troy finally found his words. “I’m sorry, Will. I didn’t really mean to hurt you.” 

I stared at him dumbly, gaping at him like a poor impersonation of a fish. Like hell he didn’t. It really was bullshit, but I still couldn’t move. Then it occurred to me: did he just call me by my actual name? 

“I just had to get you alone. My mind has been all over the place and I don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Why am I like this?” He asked me, moving his hands around a mile a minute as he talked. He seemed so anxious and twitchy and I might have even gone as far to say that he was on drugs if it wasn’t for the fact that his speech wasn’t slurred and his eyes weren’t bloodshot. “I just can’t stay away from you, Will. You’re just always there with Wheeler and it just makes me jealous. I hate seeing him there, leading you on and trying to play hero. You deserve better,” he spewed. Nonsensical words falling from his mouth as syllables ran together into his own confusing form of word vomit.

“I deserve better? I deserve better than my best friend who has stood by my side since kindergarten?” I asked, confusion morphing into fury as I spoke. What the hell was he on?

“You deserve someone who actually likes you! It’s sad to see you following him around like some puppy when he’s never going to feel the same way. I make all these jokes that you are boyfriends, but hell anyone with eyes can see it.” I could hear the rage building in his voice, like he was preaching on a cause. It left my gut feeling twisted and my heart feeling squeezed, forcing me into increasingly ragged pants of breath as I became more and more confused. He took a deep breath before continuing slower and quieter this time. “You deserve someone who actually likes you,” he repeated, stressing his point and, seeing my confusion, he decided to build on it.  He leaned in without giving time to push him away. His lips knocked against mine roughly like it was this long awaited event. It was rushed, pushy, and filled with need. His lips were dry and scratched in an unsensible way. Nothing about the experience was pleasant. When I could finally pull away, I stared into his dark eyes searching for an explanation. I felt like a deer in the headlights, but he looked full of bliss. Could this day really get any worse? I pushed his shoulders to get him out of my personal space enough to be able to bolt to the door, the act snapping him out of whatever reverie he was in and back into the Troy I knew. “I swear if you tell anyone about this, Byers!” 

But I could hardly hear him. My mind was racing out of control as I tried to process what the hell had just happened back there. Troy just kissed me. Troy, the boy who has bullied me my entire life on the (regardless of how correct) assumption I was gay, just kissed me …another man. 

This boy that has shown me hate my entire life just took away my first kiss. He stole it with his greedy, undeserving hands. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea. All I knew was that I couldn’t stay here any longer. 

I ran back into the cafeteria to grab my backpack when El grabbed my arm. “Will, are you okay? You don’t look so good right now.”

“I’m not,” I said finitely, “I need to go home. Can you catch a ride with Max and her mom later?” I tried to remain as stoic as possible, but nothing ever slipped by her.

“Yes, I can. Are you sure you are going to be fine?” She could sense something was terribly wrong, but knew to respect my boundaries. It took a long time for us to get to that point of respect, but after living as brother and sister for a good three years now, we are finally starting to understand each other. 

“Just peachy,” I hastily bit out sarcastically. “But seriously, just catch a ride with Max. I don’t need you coming with me.” I really couldn't, she’d be too worried to leave my side. That would never fly with what I needed to do. The only thing I knew would work to stop my brain from this massive haywire. I needed to keep myself grounded.

***

I made it home, my nimble artist fingers moving quickly to unlock the door before throwing my backpack over the couch. I would have a few hours to myself before Hopper made it home from his shift at the station and El made it home from school. It was perfect, really. I made my way down the hall and into my room, my body on autopilot knowing exactly what it needs to do. I really had no control anymore. It was almost like I was watching myself in third person. I reached down to the little slot between the bottom of my dresser and the floor. It’s where I hid the things I didn’t want anyone to find. A few items shared that home: my sketchbook full of drawings of Mike, my journal, and lastly my little metal tin that held bandaids and a blade. 

Opening the lid to that tin felt euphoric. It awoke all of the nerves in my body like an itch waiting to be scratched. It had become an addiction at this point. It’s what I turned to when I no longer wanted to feel the pain the world caused me. It gave me a sense of control. I hadn’t done it much. Definitely not enough for anyone to notice, hiding beneath hoodies and long sleeve shirts. But it has happened enough for me to know this works every damn time.

I brought the blade to my wrist without hesitation, cutting horizontally. I’m not an idiot. I’m not looking to die. I just want to feel numb. I watched as the blood pools in little beads across my wrist and the adrenaline kicks in. Any thought of Troy has left my mind for good. After a few seconds, I bring each of the slits up to my mouth to lick the excess blood away before covering them with the bandaids. I picked up my discarded sweatshirt and threw it back on to make sure my cover wouldn’t be blown. I packed away all of my little goodies and slid them back under my dresser, before laying back on my bed and falling into a blissful and uninterrupted sleep.

Chapter Text

Hellos, Goodbyes, and Teary Eyes

Chapter 4 | Richie's POV

The loud knock pounded through my ears like a goddamn drum from the school marching band, leaving me to count down my last few seconds of life. Those last few seconds of this life at least. The shitty, stuck in the middle-of-fuckin’-nowhere, demonic clown infested life. To be honest I really didn’t have any goddamn idea what this meant for me. Don’t get me wrong, I had dreamed of moving on from this hellhole of a town. But now that it’s actually happening? Shit, I realized I didn't have any idea how to move on from Derry. I mean, the fact that this was the last day I’ll ever live there really started to hit me – just about as hard as good ol’ Wentworth. 

Though, truthfully, it felt kinda good to think of the prospect of getting as far away from my shitty parents as possible. At least, until I also realized that meant leaving my friends behind. That… that’s something I really didn't know if I could handle. Fuck, I mean, The Loser’s had been my lifeline for years now. You don’t experience all the fucked up shit we did and then just forget about it. And in some weird, sick, and twisted way, no matter how excited I was to finally get away from this place, I found myself wondering how I was going to move on from the only family I ever knew. Talk about conflicted fucking feelings.

I distantly watched with glazed over eyes as Bill sighed and stood up from the couch beside me. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as he made his way to the front door. I felt like I was completely separate from my body. Like I was watching myself get up to follow him in one of those freaky out-of-body experiences the TV quacks talk about sometimes.

The moment Bill opened that door, I felt the rush of coming back to myself. Reality hitting me all at once. They hadn’t seen me yet as I started around the corner, but the last few seconds of peace before the wall of separation was finally knocked down ended in a heartbeat. I couldn’t help but admire the slightly twiggier and definitely less stylish version of myself, standing toe-to-toe with Bill. Both were standing silently gawking at each other. Bill, I could tell, was surprised to see that there really would be two of me to put up with now. But he… Mike, I think? Yeah, Mike. Douchebag name. Totally fits. Well, Mikey-boy is standing there with an expression that’s slightly twisted between confusion and curiosity. He… Jesus Christ, he was told we are twins, right? There's no damn way he really thinks that’s me… could he? 

Oy vey, dumbass. 

But then, genius finally managed to get his frog eyes off Billiam and in a moment a lifetime in the making (or some poetic shit like that), we finally laid eyes on each other. And not to get sappy or overly sentimental, but, I got overwhelmed pretty much immediately by a sense of connection after seventeen years of severance (take that, all my English teachers. I can totally use smart people words.). Staggered with a feeling of what I had been missing for so long, I took in the sight in front of me that’s the only true family I would ever know. My own identical flesh-and-blood staring back at me. And you know what, folks? Truth be told, the feeling is one of more joy than you could ever imagine out of a seventeen year old boy. I had a family. I had a uncle-fucking brother.

And that wasn't all, because right behind him stood what had to be my new parents.

First there was a dressed up, tall-ish (though that might have been the heels) blonde woman who was wearing way too much makeup and honestly looked like a blown-up Barbie. So, you know, a bimbo. Her dress somehow both screamed stay-at-home mom and night-on-the-town. Though she wore the most genuine and motherly smile I had ever seen.

Behind her was the most middle-class white guy to ever middle-class white guy. He was definitely taller than all of us and looked like he wanted nothing more than to find the nearest recliner and pass out in it. He had brown hair and wore a pair of glasses that took up most of his face while sporting a collared shirt with a bowtie I suspected his wife had picked out for him just for the occasion.

Well, at least they weren't drunk and hitting me.

The woman stopped in the door, gasping at the sight of me as her hands shot up to cover her mouth. “Oh my, Ted. Do you see him? He’s beautiful; just like our Mike!” she cooed with giddy delight. It almost made me feel like a new doll waiting to be ripped out of the box and played with. I couldn’t quite tell if that was a good or bad feeling yet. 

My long-lost brother groaned in embarrassment next to her, letting out an exasperated “MOM!”

“Oh, hush you!” she scolded before returning her now teary eyed attention to me. “Hello, Richie. I’m Karen, your new mom,” she greets with a smile so full of acceptance and love I almost took a step back in shock. She was holding her arms open waiting for me to make the first step towards the hug. Like I was some adorable little wild animal she didn’t want to spook, but had to make sure got some attention.

I had honestly never in a million years ever expected an adult to look at me like that. Even Bill’s parents, as nice as they were and after everything they’ve done for me, had never looked at me quite like that. 

“H-hey,” I greeted back lamely with a shy, unsure wave. I quickly glanced over at Mike to see what I was supposed to do in this situation, though all he offered me was a shrug and a queasy look. Though he seemed pretty happy that all of this attention was on me and not him. I slowly stepped forward into her arms and accepted the most aggressively affectionate hug I’d ever been given. Though affection wasn’t something I had much experience with in the first place, so was there really a competition?

“Karen, for God's sake, don’t overwhelm the boy,” came the gruff voice of her husband, Ted, as he shuffled his way past his wife and into the Denbrough’s house. He came to halt a step away from me, giving me a scrutinizing onceover as I fidgeted in place because in my jean shorts and Hawaiian shirt, I’m sure I made for a rather… interesting first impression. 

“So, you’re Richie, huh?”

“Yes sir,” I replied with a nod, hoping to come off as respectful as possible when on the inside I was scared shitless that he was about to look at his wife and my brother and say absolutely the fuck not and walk right back out of the house leaving me in this shitty, old, hell of a town.

But, to my immense relief, he merely held out his large hand towards me. “Good to meet ya, son.”

And while I knew that he could just as easily mean that in a casual way, like how lots of older men refer to younger guys as ‘son’, hearing him use that word to describe me caused me to make a choked sound in my throat as I shook his hand and replied, “Good to meet you too.”

***

Following that, as well as being nearly suffocated to death by my new moms cleavage as she smothered me with a hug, we all had a light lunch with Bill’s family, making small talk and whatnot. 

We weren't going to spend as much time together at the moment as you’d probably have thought, seeing as the Losers had made a big plan to all get together to see me one last time before I left for Hawkins with the agreed upon place being the club house. Big Mamma Beverly had even come back into town just for me! You’ve just got to love a spunky redhead – especially ours. It would honestly have just seemed criminal without another fiery energy running about during my bon voyage fest. I had debated heavily about whether to tell them that I’m bringing Mike with me so everyone could meet… everyone. Because the thought of them all staring at him without saying a word for hours like Bill did absolutely tickled me. But, sadly, if I hadn't, Bill would have; the fun-killing bastard.

But then again, as I thought back to how Bill just gaped at Mike on sight, maybe it was a good idea to give everyone a little heads up. Because I got it, really. Mike and I literally have the same face. We are identical. But after a while, the stares that were coming from Bill did start getting a little out of hand. Hell, they even had me questioning some things about good ol’ Big Bill there for a second. And don’t get my wrong, I knew I was a beauty and Bill has some dreamy blue eyes, but the thought of Bill romantically being interested in my face whether it was attached to my body or Mike’s would send me so far into a spiral it might actually leave the Trashmouth speechless for the first time.

Anyway, while Mike and I handled the goodbyes, the Wheelers had meanwhile made plans to have a mediated visit with my ex-parental units to retrieve any clothes or personal items I would need or just plain like to have. And oh, believe me, I wished I was going to be there to see the look on their faces. It’s been days since I’ve seen them (crazy to think about considering the ridiculous amount of change that's just been crammed into my life) and the first time walking back in would be the last time they would ever see me. Oh, the satisfaction that moment would have given me. But I knew it was too risky. It was even too risky for the Wheeler’s, honestly, but they don’t have much of a choice. We had to get my belongings somehow and I can guarantee that the good ol’ Tozier’s would never do anything out of the kindness of their heart. 

“Come on, Mikey! We have to go. Bill left like thirty minutes ago to round everyone up. They are so excited to meet the less pretty version of myself,” I hollered out. Granted, it was more like I was excited to show off my brother-clone. After thinking I had been an only child for seventeen years, it felt really good to say I have a brother. Between us? It’s something I had always wanted. But of course I would never tell him. You never know what malicious things a brother could do with such sensitive information. Also, there’s the fact that he’s never been an only child. Meaning he wouldn’t really understand what it feels like anyway to finally feel like you have someone.

With a huff, bro-tato chip grabbed his sweatshirt and followed me out the door. Driving would only get us so far and hiking through the woods to get there would take too long. Plus, his parents would be leaving soon with the car and he told me he couldn’t drive. Which… I mean, I guess we will never know which of us is technically the oldest, but, seeing as I can drive and he can’t? I was so claiming big bro status. On a side note however: was I going to have to give this kid driving lessons when we get back to Hawkins? Well, I supposed it could double as an excuse to bond/explore/tease mercilessly. But as for today’s problem, I decided it would be best to just take my bike. 

I pulled it out from around the side of Bill’s house and gestured for Mike to hop on, which he did with a slight look of reluctance. And since I knew there is no way on God’s green Earth he’d never not shared a bike with another boy, I assumed it was because he was not used to being the passenger. Tough shit, baby bro. 

He hopped on the back with about all the grace of a baby giraffe – not that I was judging, I'm clumsy as shit – and gripped my shoulders for dear life like I was going to throw him off or something – which I only joked around a time or two. I wasn’t actually going to actually do it. 

It took us about ten minutes to bike to the club house and find all of the Losers' bikes littering the ground near the door. I mentally cheers’d myself to the last time I’d ever walk into the only place I had ever truly called home. I felt my eyes begin to moisten, but I bit back the tears; telling myself I could stay strong for them. I needed to stay strong for them. Trashmouth’s don’t cry.

Opening up the always dusty trapdoor, I motioned for Mikey to follow me as I descended the stairs, taking them two at a time. I could hear a chorus of voices within, which suddenly coalesced into a single, excited, “Richie!” 

God-fucking-dammit, it was getting harder and harder not to cry. 

“What’s up Losers! You miss my dick that much already?”

Perfect cover.

“Beep, beep Trashmouth!” Bev was always the first to shut me down from having a little fun. The bitch. God if only I loved the vag… Ahem, anyway, it didn’t stop the entire group from busting out laughing. It’s what I do best. I peaked over my shoulder to see Mike staring at me. Mortified.

I gave him a lopsided grin and quickly leaned over to grab his arm and drag him into the center of the club house so that everyone could get a good look at him. “So everyone, this is Michael, Mike, Mikey, Mikey-dub, my cheap knock off, or simply my baby brother.”

He scoffed following an incredulous, open mouthed look at my clever repertoire of nicknames I’ve already bequeathed him and gave me an as if look. “You know that neither of us know who’s older, dipshit.”

“Right, right. And yet, which one of us can actually drive?” I smiled at him cheekily. It was never going to get old to have someone I could tease and push around. It’s one thing to do it to the Losers, but having a brother to pick on is ten times better.

“You’re never going to live that down are you? I swear! At least I can actually see, asswipe. I’m surprised they let you get a license with how blind you are. You’ll have your glasses off one morning and think you are looking in a mirror instead of looking at me.” 

Oooooo, Mike’s got a little bite. I liked this. We were going to get along fabulously.

“Micheal, picking on the kid with disabilities I see. Tut tut, I expected better of you,” I teased with mock disappointment, giving him a wink before walking over to the hammock. “Eddie spaghetti, you know the hammock is mine. Time to get up. Chop chop”

“They all told me to give you a pass today, Richie, but for the last time (Oof, that really stung), you know I hate it when you call me that. And no, you’re leaving so the hammock is mine!” He wiggled himself farther down the hammock, making a mockery out of my request.

“Fine, I guess I have no other choice then.” I grabbed the edge of the hammock and jumped in, landing on his legs. I stretched my legs across him and scootched my ass around until I found a comfortable position.

“Ow! You dick!” He kicked at my shoulder. His face was all scrunched up like it gets when he’s angry. I think it’s cute. 

Unfortunately forcing myself to cease looking at Eddie, I cast a welcoming look over at my bro-seph. “Michael, I think it’s time for some introductions. Welcome to the Losers Club! I’ll be your tour guide today. Richard Tozier is the name and unappreciated genius is my game!” I threw my hands up as if I was introducing the circus. Which is quite ironic now that I think of it. “Let’s get started with our most obvious standout of the group: the fiery redhead, Miss Beverly Marsh – wave, Bev – Don’t let your guard down around this one. She may be a girl, but she could single-handedly beat the shit outta all of us. Also, she’s totally out of our league and that’s the real reason why she moved away.” 

Beverly barked out a laugh, cheeks matching her hair as she shakes her head. “It was not Richie and you know that! I would never leave you guys if I didn’t have to. I went to live with my aunt, Mike.” And a little more sheepishly, she added, “A similar situation to Richie’s.”

“Moving on!” I interrupted before I had the chance to think about how angry Bev’s situation made me. Hell, if she didn’t kill the man, I would have for her. Disgusting prick. “Next, we have Stan the Man. This shy, curly-headed kid’s hobbies include bird watching – and I know what you're thinking, but no, it’s sadly not old ladies but actually birds – and being a perfectionist with OCD. He’s boarderline anal about it. Don’t ask how he’s put up with us for so long. It’s still a mystery. But, he’s one of the longest friendships I’ve had.” Stan scoffed and rolled his eyes before I quickly threw in, “Oh and you can’t forget, he’s Jewish. So, ya know, no bacon. ‘Cuz reasons.”

Stan looked far less than amused. “Rich, you are the only one that riles up my OCD. It can’t handle your ADHD behavior. And furthermore, it’s a religious thing and you fucking know it!” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Moving on, we next have Billiam; who you’ve already met. This fine,  upstanding chap is our fearless leader. Literally, he’s fearless. Balls of adamantium so big it would make Wolverine jealous. He led us all to our deaths four years ago and didn’t even blink an eye.” I was getting death stares from the group and thought it would be best not to push the topic any further. Mike picked up on the looks and curiously made a face like he swallowed something rather distasteful. Hmm, there’s something there that I’d have to interrogate him about later. “Then we have Ben. He will forever be known as the new kid, because who comes to Derry by choice. He’s our brains. He spends all of his free time at the library and he loves building things. He actually built the club house you are standing in all by himself.”

“Yeah and he doesn’t have permits! We are lucky to be alive. This thing could collapse at any moment.” Eddie cut in, always needing to give his two cents when it comes to safety. 

“And yet, here you still are after we’ve been coming here for YEARS. If it hasn’t fallen in on us and buried our asses alive yet, it’s not going to randomly do it the day that Mike comes to see it.” I rolled my eyes at him and he stuck out his tongue before giving me another kick to the shoulder. I swear to Jesus, one of these days I’m gonna grab his foot and lick it just to hear him scream. “Now, where was I…” My eyes drift across my remaining friends before they land on the perfect candidate to be introduced next. “Oh! Over there’s our Mike. Mike Hanlon anyways. He’s the homeschooled kid. He lives on a farm in the outskirts of Derry. He’s the muscle if you will.”

Brother Mike hums at that, face scrunching in confusion like he’s working out some complex math question like two plus two. “How did you meet him if he’s homeschooled and doesn’t live in town?” 

Well, shit, the uglier me made a rather good point. I hadn’t exactly planned to tell him how his super badass and utterly cool big brother has been bullied his entire life, but it is a bit important to the story.

“Mike makes deliveries into town for his grandfather to the meat shop. We used to have this sadistic fuck here in Derry that thought bullying kids was fun. We’ve all had our fair share of Henry Bowers.” Mike nods empathetically. “Thankfully, after he murdered his dad, he got locked up for life. As for how this relates to meeting Mike: we saw him down by the river one day with Henry and his friends. We knew we had to save him. It was pretty cool. We had a rock war and everything across the river. Hitting Bowers in the head with a rock is one of the best feelings.”

“Oh c-come on, Rich. D-don’t l-leave out t-the details. If I r-remember correctly, you t-took a rock to the h-head yourself.” Bill just had to point that out, didn’t he. If it wasn't for the fact I was moving away, I’d have sworn vengeance on the bastard.

“Whatever, the details aren’t necessary,” I dismissed, literally waving it away which earned a bark of laughter from Mike. “Moving on to the final Loser, Eds.”

“Why did you leave me for last, you dickhead?”

“Because, Edward, you are always supposed to save the best for last. Plus I knew it would annoy you and you know how I love doing that!” In response, the spiteful little shit rolls the hammock until I fall out on my boney ass to a round of chuckles from everyone.

“You lost your hammock privileges,” he huffed before cocooning the hammock around himself.

“Awe, I’m hurt Spagedds. Eddie is our hypochondriac who always manages to get himself in the most dangerous situations. He fell through a ceiling once and broke his arm. I had to snap it back into place. Plus his mom is batshit crazy! She made him take all kinds of medicines so he thought he was sick even though they were.. were? What were they called again Eddie?”

“Not this again, Richie!” he cried in dismay, face turning as pink as his shirt. How he still fit into that thing four years later never ceased to amaze me. Though he always did look pretty good in pink if I do say so myself.

“Come on Eddie, what were they called? I can’t seem to remember.” I gave him a smirk from where I was sitting on the ground. I knew he could see it from the way he blushed.

“I was thirteen okay! I called them gazebos.” The entire clubhouse erupted with laughter. Even Mike joined in.

“Ah yes, a classic. Ms. K was giving good ol’ Eds some placebos so that he thought he was sick. There would be days he wasn’t allowed to come and hang out with us cause she feared she was going to lose him or he was going to get hurt. And the day she found out he actually did, oh we didn’t see him for a week! Had to sneak out to see us for the longest time.”

I looked back over at Mike, who seemed to be giving everyone an approving look. “You all seem to be really close. I’m glad to see that you’ve got some real great friends, Richie. Maybe they can come visit us sometime. I have a feeling they would get along great with the Party,” he suggests with a hopeful smile.

“The Party? This sounds interesting. C’mon, Mike, tell us about yourself!” Bev asks eagerly, leaning forward with interest. By all appearances looking like he’d made a good impression.

“Well, the Party is a lot like your Losers Club. It consists of my group of friends in Hawkins.”

“Wait,” Ben interrupted. And I was surprised to see such an interruptive behavior out of anyone besides myself. Especially from one of the shiest in the group. Everyone turned in his direction, wearing just as surprised looks. Even Ben himself seemed a bit surprised the interruption slipped. Uneasily, he continued with the blip of a thought since clearly the entire room was now impatiently waiting for his input. “You mean Hawkins as in Hawkins, Indiana? Like the town that had the massive earthquake four years ago?” Ben sort of squirmed in place as if the thought was more unnerving than he was clearly trying to hide.

My eyes meanwhile popped open in surprise. Because fuck me, I was moving to that Hawkins, Indiania? 

(Because my dumbass clearly had assumed there was another one.)

There was a flash in Mike’s eyes, almost as if they glossed over before he quickly blinked it away and took a deep breath. “Yeah, it was the scariest shit I’ve ever experienced.” I could hear every bit of truth behind that statement, yet something didn’t quite feel right.

“But Hawkins doesn’t even sit that close to the fault line. Like yeah, there is New Madrid and Wabash Valley. But neither are close enough to do that much damage,” Ben declared, going off on an interrogating tangent that seems to put a bit of fear into Mike’s eyes. 

“They… um,” he stubbled over his words and paused to close his eyes and take a deep breath. “The news claimed it was a one-in-a-million freak earthquake. It even ruptured a previously unknown deposit of natural gas that ended up igniting and caused a massive cloud that hung over the area for weeks.” I watched him twiddle his fingers. Assuming it was just a nervous tic from thinking about such a traumatic event.

“It just doesn’t make sense!” 

“Ben! That’s enough. You may have read about it, but Mike was the one who actually experienced it. You don’t have much grounds for questioning the integrity of his experience, do you?” Bev gritted through angry teeth. Whether it was standing up for Mike or not wanting to expose our experience of how these natural disasters could be more than the news is willing to report, I’d never know. 

“Yes ma’am,” Ben sighed, defeated, arousing giggles out of the rest of the Losers.

“You can continue, Mike. I’d love to hear about your friends. It must have been scary to go through something traumatic like that together,” She encouraged, eyeing each and every one of us carefully, daring us to interrupt again.

“Yeah, I’m not sure what I would have done without them. We really are there for each other. The anniversary of the… um, earthquake, can be a pretty traumatic time. But, anyway, back to the Party. It started with my best friend Will before we met Dustin and Lucas. We were all we had for the longest time.” He got a little quiet, muttering his next line. “We played D&D together. That’s why we called ourselves the Party.”

“Hold up! You’re not just going to skim over the fact that you are an absolute nerd! My brother actually plays D&D. And I thought I was a loser,” I exclaimed, unable to contain how much this absolutely tickled me.

Mike’s face flashed defensively. “Hey! It’s actually a lot of fun! If you doubt me, you can try playing a game with us after we finish the campaign we are on now.” 

As we did this, all of the Losers’ faces held a fond smile, each of them happy to see me having a positive relationship with my new brother. And honestly, I haven’t felt this happy in a long time and I’m pretty sure they can tell. 

“But back to the Party,” Mike says, getting back to his backstory. He made a face almost as if he was a little apprehensive. I gave him a look of curiosity, wondering what’s up, but he quickly schooled his expression, like he’s made some kind of decision, and his expression returned to an eager one as he carried on. “When we were twelve, Will was kidnapped. We spent an entire week looking for him. That’s when we met El. She really is awesome! She’s actually my girlfriend.”

“You actually have a girlfriend?” It was actually Bill who popped him with that one. 

“Billiam, you didn’t even stutter once! That was a good one!” I just had to reach over and give him a high five. Everyone chuckled as Mike scowled defensively, as if he gets asked this constantly.

“Yes I do! We’ve been together for four years, thank you,” he pouted before taking a minute to calm himself back down before continuing. “El’s history is complicated. She spent time in and out of foster care before she was finally adopted by the Chief of Police in Hawkins. We didn’t see her for an entire year, until then. Now, Hopper, her dad, is married to Will’s mom so El and Will are step siblings. But during the time that El was gone, we met Max. She moved from California with her mom, step dad, and step brother. She is really cool. Way too cool for us honestly.” His eyes drifted over to Bev, giving her an appraising look as he tapped a finger against his cheek. “You kind of remind me of her, Bev. Except, you are way more tolerable. She hates my guts.” His eyes then fall, a downcast look overtaking his features. “She uh, she was in a really bad car wreck. Real bad, real, bad. Happened during the earthquake. It's a miracle she survived,” Mike said softly as his eyes drifted aimlessly across the floor.

We all sat there in an uncomfortable silence, no one sure exactly what to say to that. Even I have enough tact to not say anything, well, trashy. It’s Bev who finally broke it. “I’m really glad to hear she’s ok.”

Mike nodded in acknowledgment, cleared his throat and wet his lips. “Yeah, I’m happy she survived too. No matter how much I was against her joining the party, the thought of her being gone now…” And I couldn't help but notice how he said ‘survived’ instead of ‘ok’. I didn’t like what that seemed to imply. “Anyway, that's um, that’s the main Party members, but it kind of extends.”

“What do you mean extends ?” Ben asked, always having to be the inquisitive one, but using his thirst for knowledge to help distract Mike from whatever troubling thoughts he’s having about his friend. Bless his big, little heart. It’s possibly the only reason Bev let this interruption slide.

“It’s complicated. The others are all older. Like, in their twenties.” He kind of grimaced with worry as if we could think it was a bad thing. Hell, it’s cool that this group of nerds could make friends with kids that were three to four years older than them.

“You mean you are friends with people who are legally old enough to buy you alcohol? I might get used to Hawkins!” A chorus of “Beep, beep Richie” rang throughout the club house. 

“Well, it started with Nancy, my sister, and Johnathan, Will’s brother. They hung around us a lot after Will went missing. Then Steve joined the gang. He has no relation, but he did used to date my sister before she got with Johnathan. He’s like our mom. He basically adopted all six of us.”

“Hold up, like your mom ?” I asked through a surprised laugh. And this absolutely begged the question of why he wouldn’t be more like a dad.

Mike chuckled at my reaction. “You’ll understand it when you meet him. Then there is Robin. She works with Steve and they are like best friends. Platonic with a capital P they say.” I couldn’t help the snort that came out at that phrase. “And finally there was our Eddie. We met him our freshman year. He was a three year senior at the time and was the leader of the school’s D&D club. He took us under his wing.”

“Wait, what do you mean ‘was’?” My Eddie pipes up with an alarmed look that I think we all felt. Something was telling me this is gonna fucking suck to hear.

And fuck me if I wasnt right. Mike chewed his bottom lip, clearly forcing himself to try and not get too emotional over what he’s gonna say. “I mean, Ben was right to question the earthquake earlier. It was more than just the earthquake. And I promise, it all is actually relevant. Did y’all hear about the series of ritualistic murders that preceded it?”

My eyes pop open. Oh. OH. SHIT.

“Yeah, well, Eddie was initially blamed for them because he was the leader of our D&D club: Hellfire. The town thought it was some kinda satanic cult and he was behind the murders because the first murder happened in his uncle's trailer and he was seen fleeing the scene and the last person to see the first victim alive. And I know how that sounds, but, it was all bullshit!” His words sped up until they were almost all connected. “Eddie was the nicest fucking guy you could ever meet. He’d..  he’d never…” My brother's voice broke then, a wet sob escaped his throat as he quickly palmed his eyes to try and vanish the tears we could all see there.

I sat there, unable to move or say anything; too shocked by all this to function. Thank god for Bill, who as always, seemed to know exactly what to do in these kinds of situations.

With a tender hand, he reached out and gently gripped my brother's shoulder, gazing upon him with a look of pity and concern. “I-t’s o-ok, Mike. We b-believe you.  You d-don’t have to say anything m-more if you d-don’t want to.”

Mike, probably without thinking and/or just grateful for Bill’s kind words, reached up and squeezed the hand on his shoulder, sniffling slightly and wiping a few remaining stray tears from his eyes. “Thanks, Bill. I – I really appreciate it. Fuck, it’s just, still really hard to think about, ya know? He was killed during the Earthquake, saving people. He died a fucking hero and nobody will ever know that. They will always remember him for a lie.”

Bill smiled sympathetically at him. “Well, we k-know the t-truth now.”

Finally moved to do something, I shuffled over to my brother and clasped him on his other shoulder. “Yeah, bro. If you say he was innocent and a hero. Then you better fucking believe we’re gonna listen to you over some news story,”  I told him firmly, receiving a grateful smile in return.

“Thanks, Rich.”

“Aw! You called me ‘Rich’! A nickname means we are officially brothers!” I grinned at him, trying to lighten the somber mood hanging thickly in the air.

Mike snorted and shoved me lightly. “Not how that fucking works, dumbass,” he said in a tone that was equally fond and exasperated. Something that anyone who gets to know me has mastered the art of. I just continued to grin at him.

“Your friends seem really nice Mike. Sounds like you don’t have a Richie to constantly bug you like we do. Good luck with him!” Stan chipped in, doing his part to lighten things up.

“Fuck you too, Stan! You know you love me.” I shoved a giant middle finger up in the air at the tight-ass. Because he’s so uptight. Not because his ass was literally tight. I assume.

We spent the entire day down in the club house talking about anything and everything, slowly managing to dispel the lingering soberness from what Mike had told us about Max and Eddie; doing our very best to soak up every last second we could together. When it was finally time to go, the Losers pulled both of us into a giant group hug before each taking a turn to say their goodbyes individually. 

The last to leave was Eddie and I didn’t know if I could actually say goodbye. I looked at Mike for a moment. He was leaning against one of the support beams waiting for me. “Hey, do you think you could give us just a minute to talk?” He tilted his head, giving me a weird look, but complied anyway, walking up the stairs and out of the club house. I wondered what that could have been about, briefly fearing that he might suspect – no, there's no way, I reasoned. We’d only just met and from what I can tell, he could be pretty oblivious sometimes. But that didn't mean he wouldn’t ask me about what I was doing later. 

The door slammed shut behind him, and that’s when the tears broke loose. I just couldn't hold them back anymore. Eddie quickly pulled me into a hug. “I’m going to miss you so much, Eddie,” I told him in a voice that teeters on a whimper. 

“It’s going to be okay, Richie. Hawkins will be good for you. You’ll make new friends. You’ll get to hang out with Mike every day. He seems pretty cool. I’m happy for you. You need this. You deserve to be happy.” The way his hand rubs circles on my back left me feeling more buzzed than any bottle of alcohol I ever stole from my father’s liquor cabinet. It was making me dizzy.

I looked into his eyes and I knew this was my moment. It was now or never. I slowly moved my hand to cup his cheek and he gave me a bewildered look, searching for an answer. “Eddie,” I whispered softly. 

A stray tear ran down his cheek and I gently wiped it away. His eyes never left mine. He should be turning away. He should be disgusted by this. Instead he stood strong in his place with an unwavering look. And in that moment, something either incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid overcame me and all I could think was:

Fuck it. 

I started leaning in to kiss the lips I’ve dreamed about for years. My entire life really. But before I could connect with them, a hand was on my chest stopping me. “Rich.” His voice was at a whisper even though no one was around. “Why now? Why did you wait until right before you left me?”

I felt myself deflate at that, for a myriad of reasons.

“I… I just never had the courage, Eds. It was a now or never kind of thing. I’m sorry I just –”

Eddie lets out an incredulous chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief. “I really want to, Richie. I’ve always wanted to, you stupid asshole. But I just can’t. Not… not like this. This is a goodbye. I don’t want our kiss to seal it. I don’t want our kiss to be known as a goodbye. I’m sorry.” It was the first time he didn’t correct me for the stupid nicknames I call him. He said he wanted to. He wanted to kiss me.

“How long?” I whispered breathlessly, knowing I was going to hate the answer no matter what it was.

“What?” He gave me a confused look.

“How long have you wanted to kiss me, Eds? How long have you been waiting for me to have the courage?”

“Years Rich. Years.” Together we cried, foreheads pressed together, hugging tighter than we ever have before.

“I’m so sorry.”

We stayed there for what felt like an hour. In all reality it was only about five minutes, but I couldn’t stand to drag it on any longer. He’s right. This is a goodbye. Together we wiped our eyes, but our red blotchy faces still betrayed us. I reached over and squeezed his hand tightly before turning to leave, meeting Mike by the door.

We rode back to the house on my bike, the wind blowing through our hair as the cold breeze stings my tear stained face. My brain wandered to all of the memories I’ve had with the Losers. The good, the bad, the ugly. We’ve experienced everything together. I can honestly say that without them, I wouldn’t be here today. They have been my everything. I didn’t even realize I was crying again until I felt Mike move his hands from my shoulders to wrap around my waist. He hugged me tight and laid his head against my back. “It’s going to be okay Richie. I’m here. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.” 

Fuck , I thought. He knew. He knew and… did that mean he still – still accepted me? The thought of that even being a possibility made me cry even harder. But I kept my mouth shut, because I still wasn’t completely sure. 

I didn’t stop crying until we pulled back into Bill’s house. The Wheeler’s were packing up the trailer with all of my things. Within an hour, I would be on the road to Hawkins and Derry would be a distant memory.

I can do this.

Chapter Text

Fated Spin

Chapter 5 | Mike's POV

Between the entanglement of obnoxiously long legs (ignoring the fact we have the same legs. Mine aren't obnoxious. They are made for running for one's life.) and a mouth that quite literally will never shut up, I was nearing the point of actually praying we’d make it back to Hawkins quicker . There’s quite honestly no better way to speed run brotherly hatred more than to stick you in a backseat together for a car ride from Maine to Indiana with your long lost brother who is like a whole ensemble of over-the-top Disney characters. I mean, does this kid not come with a fucking off switch!? Hell, I’m surprised dad has held his composure. Looking back though, I suppose he was being lenient since Richie is new and all; but I would have been kicked out of the car and told to walk home before we even passed the “Leaving Derry” sign. It seriously made me wonder if it was too soon to contemplate suffocating him in his sleep with a pillow.

At least we got to eat McDonalds while we drove. Like, I’m not just saying we stopped to actually eat fast food for the first time in forever. I mean, mom actually let us eat in the car! You know how many times I was scolded for such an idea growing up? You’ll get crumbs in the seat, Mike. And the amount of crumbs Richie left behind in his seat was enough to constitute an entire meal, but it’s alright when he does it…

The entire drive home was spent with him babbling damn-near incoherently about all sorts of nonsense that was vaguely related at best. And don’t even get me started on how annoying playing ‘I spy’ was. Although, I had to give him points for the humor when we did finally pass the “Welcome to Hawkins Hell” sign and he let out an obnoxious snort. 

Richie spent the remainder of the drive through town intently looking out the window attempting to capture the layout like he had a photographic memory. As if. This kid doesn’t even remember what color underwear he put on this morning (How do you forget the color of tighty whities!? ). I didn’t see the point. It wasn't like he would be going anywhere without one of us to show him around for a while. Besides, it really wasn’t that different from Derry. I’m not really sure what he’s so excited about. The change is about as minimal as the name. But whatever the reason, it was kinda nice to see him so happy about the move and focusing on other things besides what he left behind.

As we got closer to home, I made sure to point out any of the Party’s houses that we passed, watching him as he contemplated what each of the members would look like based on their house and laughing at his absurdly incorrect assumptions (Dustin a homemaker? Please.). I guess after enough times I was left with a rather fond smile on my face, because when I happened to look up and caught my mother’s eye in the rearview mirror, I realized I was actually getting along rather well with Richie. Or at least, better than I ever had with Nancy (Holly of course never counted cause she’s too little to pick a fight.). And I had to admit, something about this was different. Richie was different. 

Finally pulled into the driveway and piled out of the car, both of us ecstatic to no longer be squished. Though we were both still skinny teenagers, between Richie’s bony hips and long legs that do not know the meaning of still attempting to take up my leg room (which wasn’t much to begin with), it was getting painful. 

Once Richie was finally out of the car, he stood in the driveway staring up at the house. Watching him, it was easy to see the sense of amazement, excitement, and gratitude that all showed at once in the expression he wore. It would’ve made me tear up had I not been more preoccupied stretching all the kinks and soreness out of my lanky body from being confined to the car way too long in way too short a time frame. Our house wasn’t really any bigger than the house he grew up in. The Tozier’s had money just like us, but maybe it’s just the fact that he is seeing this as his home for the first time and it is real. That this isn't some coma-induced dream he’s in back at the hospital in Derry. Or hell, maybe it’s just that this house doesn't have the same darkness cast over it his old home did. 

As if to confirm my thoughts, mom walked over to where we were standing and patted him on the back. “Welcome home Richie! Mike, how about you show him around. We will work on getting all of his stuff out of the trailer after you are done,” she told him, her voice warm and overflowing with that motherly affection she doles out whenever she gets extra emotional. Christ, I could already picture the tears forming in her eyes from where I was standing behind her.

Yeah, I’ve been stuck in a car for what felt like all of summer. I wasn't doing this over-emotional crap.

“Come on, Let’s go see our room,” I told him, slinging my overnight bag over my shoulder and nudging him as I passed. 

You know, when I first found out we were going to be sharing? I was livid . And, while I still wasn't overly thrilled about my new reality to say the least, seeing the way Richie’s face lit up at that? Though I’d never be caught dead admitting to it, I couldn't help the tug of brotherly affection I felt in my chest.

 It was… weird. But not in a bad way. Maybe I could get used to this. 

We walked through the front door and I watched as Richie’s pace faltered, bringing him to an abrupt stop, taking the sight of everything in with wide eyes and a gaped mouth. It was almost comical how he looked: his eyes looking massive behind those obnoxious glasses as he quickly flashed his attention between every minute detail. It wasn’t until I laughed at the completely different demeanor that he realized he hadn’t said a word the entire time we stood there. 

He flushed with embarrassment (which was a bizarrely foreign look and the brash loudmouth) before quickly composing himself and with much bravado clapped his hands together a time or two as if he was asking a butler to take his bags and go. “Well, ondelay, Migel! I don’t have all day!”

I offered him a tour of the house, which he eagerly accepted. Setting my bag and his suitcases by the stairs, I began thoroughly explaining every room we walked through; showing him where everything in the kitchen cabinets belong, what we keep in the fridge, where we keep the blankets, everything. He even took a spin in dad’s Lay-Z-Boy and I was torn between hoping dad would walk by to see him or not. Once we made our way upstairs, I pointed out the bathroom, Holly’s room, Nancy’s room, and then finally our room. 

As we entered it, I could literally see stars twinkling in his eyes – his level of excitement about the situation clearly exceeding mine. “Don’t worry, we can arrange everything later,” I told him with a with as much dont-give-a-fuck as I could convey. It wasn’t his fault I was having to give up all my privacy.

“Our room is awesome,” he replied in awe  after a while with a huffy, disbelieving laugh.

I cocked my head and gave him a curious look as I wondered what the hell was so awesome about it. My room wasn't that big. Hell, it was really a bit on the smaller side and now it was going to be shared by two teenage boys. And while I knew things had gone to shit with his old family, surely he had a full bedroom of his own. It wasn't like he had lived in a cupboard under the stairs or something.

… this could be a great story idea: boy forced to live in a cupboard and mistreated by family but grows up to save the world. Need to write that down for our next campaign…  

As this creative stroke of genius flashed through my mind, I suddenly  remembered that last place he hadn't seen yet: the beloved basement where I had practically lived the past five years. 

“We have one last place to see and then we can start figuring out how to make this roommate situation work,” I told him, quickly grabbing his hand and dragging him downstairs and to the basement door. “Finally we have the basement. It’s not one of those scary basements like Bill has. This one is cool! The Party always hangs out down here–”

“Well, Wheeler, it's about time you showed up! We’ve been waiting forever man.” 

I snapped my head to the direction where the voice came from, finding to my prophetic shock  Dustin sitting on the couch surrounded by the rest of the Party. They could only see me at the moment, with only Richie’s feet being visible from where they were sitting.

“What the hell! How did you all get in here? I didn’t even see your bikes!” I exclaimed, not knowing what to think about their unexpected presence. Because did they seriously just let themselves into my basement? I couldn’t even get one night back in my house before they came barging in? I hadnt even worked out a fucking plan to introduce them all to my sudden twin! Fuck me…

“They are outside of the basement door. And you gave Will a key for…” He leaned over trying to see who was standing behind me. Feeling unsuccessful, he continued, “... reasons. Don’t you remember this? We were supposed to be having a movie night tonight. And who is that? You got some hot date and didn’t tell us or something?” I watched as Max made a point of dramatically raising her brows above her glasses to show how hard she was rolling her eyes at Dustin’s while Lucas reached over to high five him.

“I’m sorry guys. I totally forgot about movie night. This weekend has been very eventful to say the least –”

“And I may be hot, but the whole incestual thing isn’t exactly my thing,” Richie called out, grinning broadly while still fully out of view besides his beat up Converse shoes. I elbowed him in the stomach, hoping he would take the hint to shut up for just one second.

Completely ignoring Richie’s outburst, Lucas piped up,“You’re telling me! You just radioed that you weren’t going to be at school and then vanished for an entire weekend. We all came by your house to make sure you were okay and the lights were off – And who the fuck even is that? Are you picking up strays or something?” 

I let out an annoyed huff of breath, pinching the bridge of my nose as irritatedly explained: “Yeah, because I wasn’t in Hawkins!” How can they be so mad at me for this? To be fair, they didn’t really know what this was, but that's besides the point. I turned back to look at Richie, his grin growing impossibly wider. He knew he was going to get to meet everyone, he just thought he would have to wait until tomorrow. And from what I’ve managed to learn about him? This bit of chaos in my plans was absolutely delighting him. Fucker. So, sighing in resignation that we are going to have to do this now, I turned back towards the Party and began to prepare them. “Okay, so, I know you have all witnessed some pretty crazy shit, but I need you to stay calm ,” I told them, putting extra emphasis on the ending. Everyone shot me a weird look after a rapid exchange of glances. “Do you remember the phone call I answered on Thursday?”

There was a chorus of unsure yeses said around the room and I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing… “Well, it is a very long story and I will let him tell his part. But the short version is this: turns out I was – well, erm…” I felt my throat tighten with nervousness. I sat there for a brief moment, trying to find the right way to say this but any way of delivering the news softly eluded me. So with no other choice, I just blurted out: “I was adopted when I was born.” 

I paused to let that sink in. I wasn't sure what I had expected in response, but the several frowns I received as if they were waiting for the joke to drop wasn’t it. Fuck, this isn’t even the craziest part. Maybe I should have told them Brenner had stolen some of my DNA or something awhile back. “But, I wasn’t the only one. I um… I sorta have a twin brother, you see.” I began to talk quickly at this point, trying to hurry through the story before the sets of rapidly widening eyes before me could say something to halt my momentum. “The call was to see if he could live with us for a little while. So we took a trip to Derry, Maine to pick him up and –” I turned and grabbed Richie’s arm and awkwardly dragged him the rest of the way downstairs. And I gotta say, the fact that their stares looked just about how Bill’s looked the first time he saw me was actually rather comforting. “– this is Richie.”

“What’s up bitches!” he immediately greeted, flashing them all a megawatt grin and a dramatic wave to their stunned expressions – minus Max and El, whose expressions were more pinched in confusion. Wasting no time nor chance to be the center of attention, Richie strode over to the group with his hands up like he was the life of the party as I just stood there with my face hidden in my palms. Not exactly how I planned for this to go, but when has anything I’ve done ever went to plan?

And of course, because nothing ever goes to plan, Max just had to bust out the snark. 

“Well, from what I can see, it sure sounds like he knows how to have fun. Unlike you,” she smirked to a collective series of groans. God, why does Max have to hate me so goddamn much.

“Very funny Maxine!” I rolled my eyes as Richie laughed at my expense. “So, I know all of you undoubtedly have a shit ton of questions, but my parents will actually kill us if we don’t go back upstairs to help unload all of Richie’s things. Don’t feel like you have to, but it would go a lot quicker for you all to help. Then we can come back downstairs to hang out.”

With everyone helping out, and surviving a near-aneurysm on dads part at the sudden presence of all these teenagers emerging unannounced from his basement, we were done unpacking and our room fully rearranged and set up within an hour. It took some work and more than a bit of bickering (well, me bickering. Richie, just being a purposefully difficult ass), but both of us eventually found our own space within the room. It felt cozy and welcoming even though it was packed full. Fortunately, the fact both of us have similar tastes in music and movies went a long way to helping it not to clash. Though, if you took a look at our closet, that was a much different story. My half was mainly shades of black with a few darker colors mixed in here and there. Richie’s on the other hand was filled with the brightest colors I have ever seen. It seemed like everything he owned was basically Hawaiian shirts. Granted, his colorful wardrobe matched his colorful personality.

When we finally found our way back downstairs, we went through introductions and I could see the way Richie’s brain was making connections from the stories I had previously told him. What I didn’t expect though, is that once the introductions were over, no one would actually still be in the mood to watch movies. 

“We should do something fun! Wait, how about spin the bottle!” Max was always looking for an excuse to drink. I personally hated the idea. I don’t want to go in that bathroom with anyone here. Well, besides El, obviously. Because you know, my girlfriend and all. But still. There’s not many options for girls and that would just be weird if I got stuck with one of my guy friends. It would be so awkward. As if on instinct, Maxed turned towards me. “He’s against this idea, isn’t he?” She asked with a smirk, as if she could actually see the look of disgust covering my face and giggled. 

Richie laughed and clapped me on the back so hard it took some of the breath out of me. He loudly replied with “Yep,” making sure to distinctly pop the ‘p’.

“Like I said Richie, he’s a real party pooper,” Max informed him, crossing her arms as if to dare me to challenge her on it. And as much as I wanted to, I unfortunately wasn't in a position to win that battle – seeing as it’d be a bit rude to fight a blind handicapped girl. Although she gratingly makes me question my sanity ninety percent of the time.

“Loosen up dude!” he teased, giving me a quick punch to the shoulder. “It’s just a few minutes. What’s the worst that can happen?” 

He wiggled his eyebrows at me elusively as I gave him a deadpan stare. A lot can happen. Too much can happen. The absolute worst can happen. I might actually die if that happened. Please don’t let it happen. Because besides El, there’s really only one person I could shamefully imagine going in there with. And there is no fucking way I could do that.

But despite my very clear opposition to the idea, everyone went ahead and gathered around in a circle as Dustin ran over to the bookshelf to grab the hidden alcohol bottle before sitting it in the middle and leaving me as the last one still standing. “Drink up so we can play,” Max laughed after hearing the alcohol slosh as I groaned in frustration. But before I could say anything, Richie had already followed along with Max’s order.

“Oh, Max, honey, don’t offer alcohol to the alcoholics’ kid unless you don’t plan to get any.” He turned the bottle up, taking a long drink, nearly three shots worth at once as everyone stared at him in amazement. Finishing with a loud burp, Richie grinned smugly at my friends before contorting his face into one of confusion. “Wait, he really didn’t tell you guys anything about me, did he?”

“No Rich. There’s kind of this rule where I couldn’t talk about you until you were in our custody.”

“Oh –  well, shit. Oops!” he chuckled, almost sheepishly rubbing the back of his tangled mess of curls. “Well, just know that the Tozier’s were pieces of shit. Cheers to never going back there,” he declared with a shocking amount of edge before taking another swig, emitting a satisfied “Ah” as he sat the bottle down for someone else to grab. Everyone was looking around timid and weary. No one wanted to say anything that could set him off without knowing what happened and he must have picked up on it because he quickly scoffs, “Don’t get your panties in a wad! You can talk about it. Ol’ Wentworth got drunk and beat the shit out of me while Maggie got drunk and berated me. Lived with it for eleven years. No biggie.”

“Richie, that is a big deal. I’m so sorry you went through that,” came the soft, empathetic voice of Will. He must be getting comfortable around him finally. That, or maybe he just understands because he’s been there before with Lonnie.

Richie quickly flashed him a disarming smile. “You’re probably right, William. I’m fine though. It’s all in the past now!” 

I wrinkled my nose at that, specifically how he referred to Will as ‘William’. I’ve always called him Will because he hates it when anyone calls him William. Which is what made it weird as fuck when Will, instead of correcting Richie, gave him this almost dopey smile. I glanced between the two, trying to figure out the fuck that was all about, an uncomfortable feeling squirming in my gut that I couldnt quite lay a finger on. 

Now thoroughly weirded out, I promptly plopped my ass onto the ground to finish out the circle and snatched up the bottle of alcohol. I turned it up, taking a large gulp. Though not nearly as big as Richie’s, it would do the trick. And it had the further benefit of being enough to finish off the bottle so we could start the game.

“Well since only you could sound so dramatic, Mike, you get to start the game,” Max smirked at me following El telling her I had finished the bottle. And boy, did that smirk ever scream that she knew I was going to hate this because she knew as well as anyone that I wouldn’t back down once I committed to a game, no matter how much I ended up suffering for it. 

She whispered into Lucas’s ear and he got up to grab the other hidden bottle of alcohol for us to share as I laid the now-empty one on its side and forcefully spun it clockwise. Everything was in slow motion. The bottle had to have made at least twenty laps around the circle at this point before slowing down. When it finally stopped, I followed the head of the bottle looking up to find Will looking at me with wild eyes. Honestly, he looked like he was about to pass out. A feeling I definitely related to. Of all the people I could have gotten, he was the one I was most scared of landing on. I couldn’t spend this long locked in a tiny room with him. I just couldn’t. There was just too much… too much weirdness between us after everything that had happened over the last few years even if we had mended our friendship. There was always this awkward strain between us that neither of us had ever been willing to address. 

“Ah, childhood best friends. What a great pairing,” Dustin sniggered before sending us off to the cramped bathroom (it was really only a half bath), fully expecting us to just stand there awkwardly the entire time. Not that he was wrong in that assumption.

As the door shut behind us, we both, well, stood there awkwardly as we couldn’t even both sit on the ground beside each other. I graciously took the floor so that Will wouldn’t have to bend down, watching him out of the corner of my eye as he gave me an anxious look before flipping the toilet seat down and taking a seat. A good minute of our time was gone without us even saying a word to each other. It was absolutely miserable. I would sneak a glance at him every few seconds, watching as he sat there with his knees crossed, fiddling with his fingernails. 

And even though he looked just as uncomfortable as I felt, I could help but notice that despite this, he looked really good. You know, for a guy and all. His bangs had fallen into his eyes and it took everything inside me to stay still and not do something really stupid like tuck it behind his ears. Because there was no fucking way I was gonna be able to explain away doing something like that to him. Fuck, what the hell is wrong with me. Will is a boy. I don’t like boys like that. At least, I don’t think I do – No, I have a girlfriend. This is ridiculous. Just because Will is attractive, doesn’t mean I like boys. I’m just being objective. Like how I think Max is actually very pretty but I have zero attraction to her.

“So… How do you like having Richie around now? You’ve spent the whole weekend together right?” Will asks me suddenly, ending the wooden silence we’d been sitting in. He seemed almost disinterested, though. Highlighted by the fact he wouldn’t even look at me.

“Yeah, Richie is kinda cool. Don’t ever tell him I told you, but I think I might like having a brother. It’s way different from sisters.” To this, he finally looked up and smiled at me. 

“I know how you feel. I don’t know what I would do without Jonathan. I can’t imagine having a brother your own age though. How long until he takes over my spot as your best friend?” he asks with a sly, testing smile.

I chuckled lightly, feeling the tension loosening from my shoulders as we fell into the comfortable routine of being best friends. “Please. Replace you? Fat chance. I’ll smother the obnoxious dork to death way before that ever happens.”

Will’s mouth forms into a grin. “Glad to know. And for the record, no one could ever take that spot from you either, Mike. You’ll always be my best friend.” I smiled back at him, happy to know that despite the aforementioned weirdness hanging between us going all the way back the summer we defeated the Mind Flayer for good, Will still felt as I did: that we would always be best friends. 

The comforting moment only lasted though until I felt my foot brush up against something. I look down to see Will’s feet are now on the ground and that I had subconsciously reached mine out for his. I quickly pulled away, internally screaming as I was reminded why I didn’t want to do this. I quickly tried to cover up my reaction, hoping none of my internal freakout was displayed upon my face, reminding myself that the touch meant nothing and that I was freaking out over nothing. I’m straight. Will is straight. There is absolutely nothing between us except for a really close friendship.

… then I look up to see the look of horror on Will’s face. Oh my god. I fucked up. 

“I’m sorry, Will,” I tried to apologize, my face flaming up

“It’s fine, Mike. Just forget it,” He says, clearing his throat uncomfortably and quickly stands and walks out of the door even though I’m pretty sure the time isn’t even close to being up yet. He sits himself back down at the circle and takes a long swig of alcohol while I’m left standing in the bathroom door.

“Wow, you guys must have had fun in there. You went over by like two minutes. Did something happen?” Dustin said, giving me a questioning look. 

Yeah, Dustin, something did. I was a fuck up and possibly just gave my best friend the impression that I’m a freak.

At this point, Will was ready for his spin. He aggressively grabbed the bottle, giving it a forceful spin as everyone gave us weird looks. But all of that fell to the backburner when the bottle finally slowed to a stop and I saw who it had landed on.

My fucking brother.

Chapter Text

Under Your Skin

Chapter 6 | Will's POV

I could not fucking believe Mike. God, he could be such an asshole! I seriously wondered how I could even stand to be around him sometimes. That was such a fucking dick move – Jesus, I was pissed. 

I’m not an idiot. I knew nothing was ever going to happen while we were in that bathroom. Mike is as straight as they come and he doesn’t know that I’m not. I mean, I don’t think he does. It’s not like it's something we ever (not that we could) talk about. But a part of me has always wondered if maybe he does. Ever since that infamous day in his garage… But that – that could have meant a lot of things, right? But anyway. 

I was barely even expecting him to talk to me. We were both too awkward to hold a conversation in a situation like that. Hell, we really hadn’t had a genuine conversation on our own since before I moved to Lenora. Or at least one that wasn’t filled with lies, half truths, and false promises anyways. 

We literally sat in silence for half of the time we were in there and I had to be the one to start the conversation because of course he wouldn’t. It’s almost like he’s scared to be around me alone these days. He’s practically avoided confrontation for three years now, always making sure someone else was around and creating excuses for us to not be alone – at least not for very long. And tonight he was so fucking jittery, if I didn’t know him better, I would have suggested he was on drugs or something. But I was just trying to be nice by asking about Richie. Because you tell me: he shows back up with a long-lost twin brother after going MIA for the weekend and I just wanted to see how my best friend was doing. Am I really the bad guy for that? And for the love of God, the moment my foot accidentally slid off the bath mat and touched his? He acted like I shot him. Practically flew across the room before I could even realize what was going on. 

And that? That was my final straw. I couldn’t handle his shit any longer. 

I felt claustrophobic being stuck in there with him. The air was too thick and the tension made it hard for me to even breathe. I had to get out of that room. But of course, Mike couldn't even make that easy for me. He just stood there and gawked at me like I was some… some kind of spectacle! 

And honestly? I was starting to feel like one any time I was in the same vicinity as Mike Wheeler. I needed alcohol if I was going to have to deal with this shit all night. 

Had Mike not grabbed the door quickly, it would have slammed behind me. Hearing Dustin’s mocking voice felt like venom in my ears after what I had just been through. “Wow, you guys must have had fun in there. You went over by like two minutes. Did something happen?” 

I silently ignored him, not even daring to spare a glance back in that direction. But inside my head? I was screaming, “ Yeah, Dustin, something did.” I fucked up and ruined what was probably my last chance of ever mending whatever my relationship with Mike had turned into.

I threw myself back on the ground and grabbed the alcohol bottle, downing two large gulps before the burn was enough to make me almost gag. I was mid-drink when I got the bright idea of how to get away from him for a bit. I grabbed the empty bottle before anyone else had the chance to and I flicked my wrist like there was no tomorrow. It was almost like karma when it landed on Richie. 

Well, ok then. This will do. This will do nicely.  

It was time to hit Mike where it would hurt.

I grabbed Richie’s hand and practically yanked him up off the ground with all of the strength I had. He may be a lot taller than I am, but I wasn’t going to waste time being under Mike’s intrusive gaze any longer than I had to. Admittedly, I might’ve been a bit too aggressive when I looked back and realized Richie was adjusting his glasses that had become displaced from the tug and was nearly tripping over his own feet to stay upright.

I went out of my way to brush past a gaping Mike’s shoulder – and seeing him on the verge of a panicked objection definitely gave me some satisfaction – before shutting us both in the bathroom. After the door was shut, I let out a much needed breath. Did I even breathe through any of that? Honestly, probably not.

I was snapped out of my mindless motions by Richie laughing.

“Woah, William! Not that I don't mind a bit of rough play, if you catch my drift, but that was something else.” He waggled his eyebrows at me, making me blush. I hadn’t really thought of the implications of what I did or how I did it. I honestly didn’t think at all. My brain was still hazy.

“I had to get out of there,” I breathed out, starting to overthink everything. “You, uh… you kinda made a good escape route.” I laughed a bit sheepishly and rubbed the back of my neck, hoping he couldn’t hear how I absolutely lost every ounce of bravado I managed to conjure up in the few seconds between leaving the bathroom and returning.

“Well, usually I charge for my services. But I suppose I can give you a free trial run.” His smile turned into a smirk. Oh my God. What have I done? “Anywho, seeing as the two of us are trapped together in close quarters – what’s your poison?”

“W-what do you mean?” I stuttered, honestly confused about what he was asking of me.

“The game? What do you like to do? I mean, seven minutes isn’t very long and I just met you like –” he pretended to check his non-existent watch “– two hours ago; so I assume sexual intercourse is off the table because I get the feeling you're not even half as easy as me.” He grinned at me as I flushed absolute crimson . “But I’d be down for a quick make out sesh.” My eyes went wide at what he just proposed – joking or not. I couldn’t find my words. My eyes were the size of saucers and he picked up on my nervousness. “Oof. Okay then. Prim an’ proper type are we? Sorry ‘bout tha’ ma dear.”

Why the fuck is he talking like that?

He taps his finger to his chin, seeming to give me a scrutinizing once over. “Hmm. Have you ever kissed anyone before?” He asks me casually yet with so much interest.

Fuck this. 

I stared at him for a long time, contemplating what I should even say to that. When I finally decided on the truth, I could no longer meet his eyes. “Sadly… yes.” I stood there against the sink staring at my feet and slowly clenching and unclenching my fists.

“Sadly?” He piqued with intrigue. I guess it’s not everyday that sadly is the reaction to being kissed. But I also can’t say I’ve ever had a normal, everyday life. 

“Don’t worry about it. It only happened once. You don’t know them and it didn’t mean anything to me.” That was a lie. It meant everything to me, but not in the way he was undoubtedly thinking.

Richie’s eyes suddenly popped open, like he had solved a puzzle and the picture was not what he had expected. “Wait, um… you don't mean that you and Mike actually… just now… do you…?” He actually sounded serious. Actually fucking serious.

What in the Hell?

I stared at him like he had grown another head, tripping over my words as I tried to speak. “W-what? No. NO! Did you not see the way I practically ran away? Mike would – fuck, Mike would never. He has a girlfriend . He just pissed me off,” I explained frantically, desperately trying to steer him away from whatever gave him that crazy idea. There was no way I was gonna let Mike’s new brother think me and him were… like that.  

He gave me a look of pity, shrugging nonchalantly and causing my brain to short-circuit because surely… no. No he couldn't be fine with that. People aren't just… just ok with that sort of thing. But, looking at him… hearing how he just asked that like it wasn't a big deal? I felt my heart flutter with hope that maybe I wasn't alone. That I would be understood. Or maybe at least I could have a friend who wouldn't hate me for what I was.

“Wait,” I asked hesitantly, praying I wasn't completely misreading his attitude towards things about to make a MASSIVE fucking mistake. “You, um, you actually came in here with full intentions of kissing me? You would kiss a boy?” I cringed as I whispered the last, taboo part. Shit. The look on his face was puzzling and I felt like I really had misread him completely. I had to fix this before I ruined a relationship with both brothers. “I, er… I didn’t mean it the way it sounded…”

His expression quickly morphed back into a shit-eating grin as I attempted to blubber my way through an apology. Snorting as I began spewing a nonsensical word salad and causing me to just shut the fuck up and and stand their utterly humiliated. 

“Oh my sweet Willie…” He gave me a look like he was pretty damn sure he had just figured something out – and I was about shitting myself in fear of what that was – and leaned his head up against the door to hear if anyone was nearby before turning to face me.

“I think I get you.”

I blinked at him. “... huh?”

Richie chuckled nervously, like he was the one taking a huge risk here. And I wasn't sure whether to be terrified or confused. “I think we might have something, um, in common.”

“... We both love Mike?”

That was probably very poor phrasing. I was begging that he didn’t take it the way it sounded, no matter if it was true in both a friend and a romantic sense. And the fact I had literally squeaked it did not help.

Richie snorts again, loudly. “Well, yes, obviously. But also no. Because not like that. As much as I love myself and my hot bod, I ain't gettin’ jiggy with my twin.”

I think I’m gonna be sick…

“But look, I’ma – I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, ok?”

I nod slowly, heart racing a thousand beats a minute. Not completely sure I want to know but too frozen in fear and curiosity to dissuade him as he leans in closely so that he can whisper this secret in my ear:

“So the secret is – and I swear to God if you tell anyone I’ll make your life so miserable – is that I exclusively kiss boys.” 

My jaw literally dropped. I was pretty sure there was a nice indention on the linoleum floor. 

As he stepped back to witness my reaction, he huffed out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his shaggy head and averting his eyes. “That’s unless we are talking about Eddie’s mom, of course. I do have a special place in my heart for Ms. K.” He gave a minor titter to the inside joke he was picturing inside his head, still nervous as can be. 

Something about seeing this boy – who with his brash, dont-give-a-fuck attitude was unlike anyone I've ever met – reveal such a vulnerability to me after just meeting if only to make me feel better tugged at my heartstrings. But I was too shocked to say anything. Once again, Richie took the lead. 

“Will, um, shit… look if you aren’t comfortable, you can let me know, alright? I'm sorry if I didn't clock you right." A return of his nervous chuckle. He almost appeared to be sweating now. "My gaydar is a little rusty with the lack of potential in Derry…” He waved his hand in a little circle as if he was attempting to get me to visualize something before biting his lip and looking to be holding off panic. Just barely managing to choke out. "Please don't tell anyone. I just got this family. I can't… I can't lose them…

My breath hitched, heart breaking for this boy standing in front of me who had morphed from a cocksure loudmouth to a scared, nervous wreck in the blink of an eye. And i felt so terrible for my stunned silence, leaving him flaying in the wind and fearing that he had just fucked up royally. I’d never admitted what I was out loud to anyone before. Could I actually do it? I took a deep breath and decided for the first time in my life – with this effectively complete stranger who had taken a chance with me – that I was going to take the unknown road.

“Yes,” I blurted out, rushed and full of breath and probably too vague a thing to say but fuck it, I had done it. I had admitted outloud and to another fucking person that I was a fag. 

Richie’s breath caught in his throat and he turned to look me dead in the eye, searching for something, anything. “I’m gay,” I clarified, so as to leave no doubt what I had meant, releasing another breath I didn’t know I was holding and feeling like a weight I had been carrying for years was finally being lifted off my shoulders. 

Within seconds of saying this, I felt myself being pulled into a tight embrace. Was this what acceptance felt like? I mean, he’s gay too so it would be weird if he didn’t accept me, but shit. This feels all warm and fuzzy. I drop my head to rest against his shoulder and I follow suit wrapping my arms around his waist, wondering if this was what he was thinking and feeling too. “You’re the first person I’ve ever told," I said softly into his curls.

He tensed in my arms, his hold around me becoming slightly firmer. “But, that kiss?” I didn’t want to think about it anymore, but I had a feeling he wasn’t going to let it go so easily so I decided to ride my once-in-a-lifetime wave of good luck and push things. 

“It was nothing. But if you're still game, you wanna help make me forget about it?" 

Richie pulled back, and I could see an excited, mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Totally." 

It was like something ignited in the both of us. Like a pair of magnets that had been held at bay all night, but had finally been released and immediately were drawn together. He tentatively grabbed my chin and leaned my head up to his. He brought his lips tantalizingly close to mine, stopping the width of a breath away from mine. He looked into my eyes, silently asking permission to close the remaining gap. I nodded, more like an infinitesimal dip of my chin, really. But it was enough because within an instant, I felt the gentle brush of his lips against mine; a ghost of pleasure running over me. Foreign compared to Troy’s rough and abrupt kiss. But as time went on, I began pushing back. The intense feeling of hunger and want deepened the kiss on instinct alone. 

Next thing I know, he’s clumsily grabbing my wrist to rest my hand against his waist. But before he could get it there, I winced away in pain as his palm brushed over the fresh scars that resided under the layers of sweatshirt and bandaids, gasping in pain into his mouth.

"Fuck."

I had just ruined it. The best thing that has ever happened to me; and I just fucking ruined it.

“Will… are you okay?” He asked me as he pulled away quickly, worried notes in his voice and looking me over.

“Yeah, 'm fine,” I mumbled defensively, tugging at the sleeves of my sweatshirt and biting my bottom lip until the pain subsided. I tried to push myself back into the kiss and act like that interruption never happened, but a hand on my chest stopped me.

"Will, while I have a well earned reputation as someone who never takes things seriously – I'm not a complete idiot." 

I just hardened my look, lips thinned. What the fuck business of this was his? "I said it's nothing," I snapped at him.

He let out a sigh, muttering something to himself I couldn't catch even in our intimate proximity. He then gave me about as firm a look as I could imagine on him from what little I knew and stated:

"Look, Will – we literally just came out to each other and kissed. Us. Two hombres. So whatever it is –" He gestures towards my wrist "– I feel like it can't be as big as that."

I nodded slowly, grasping his logic even if I still felt incredibly comprehensive revealing this immensely private detail to him. I held his imploring gaze for what felt like longer than it probably was, deliberating in my mind. And while I got the distinct impression that being this serious for this long was absolutely killing him – the fact he was making such an effort to be this mature and understanding went a long way to making me ultimately cave. 

Without saying a word, I present my wrist to him and look away, too ashamed to face him. In total silence, he slowly pulled at the bottom hem of my sleeve until it sat at the bend of my elbow with remarkable gentleness, he pulled back the bandaid to reveal the ugly truth that lay hidden beneath; a quick, fretful peek revealing he was already grimacing in anticipation of what he'd find. 

As soon as he got a glance of the fresh scars littered atop of the fading older ones, he gently reapplied the bandaid and pulled me into another tight hug. “Hey, it's alright, man. I Promise you I'm the last person who will ever judge you for shit." 

And as he tells me this, I felt the tears running down my cheeks and I buried myself deep into his neck, using it to smother the sound of a sniffle. I felt his fingers running through my hair and felt his breath tickle my cheek as he whispered, “Does this have to do with what you mentioned earlier? The kiss?” I meekly nod with a lump stuck in my throat, unable to speak. “Can you talk to me about it?” My lip quivered. It’s one thing to show him what I did to myself, but fuck if it was a whole nother thing to explain to him why. I could feel the deep breath he took as prepared himself to say what was coming next. “I know what you are going through. I know how it makes you feel.” I tensed in his arms, scrunching my tear-stained face in confusion. I could see his arms plain as day. Milky white and unblemished by not even a scratch. Richie seemed to sense I wasn’t catching on to the point he was making, so he decided to be more bold. “Don’t freak out, while some might say I’m easy, I’m not put out on the first date easy.” He gave an awkward laugh like he was trying to lighten the mood and immediately winced. “Sorry, not the time for jokes, but I’m going to show you something and I didn’t want you to freak out when I started pulling down my pants. I had to hide it so my parents wouldn’t see. Not that they even paid that much attention lately.” He pulled the bottom of his shirt up and held onto it with his teeth. Then he unbuttoned his pants and slid just enough down on the side of his hip for me to see the cluster of scars that lined them. 

He quickly buttoned back up and leaned back against the sink, silently giving me the floor to tell him what had led to my most recent cut, standing there silently as I explained the events of Friday and why it happened. How Troy spotted that Mike was gone, how he made a public spectacle, how he followed me into the bathroom, and how I left to go home; growing increasingly more upset as I spoke. 

Upon finishing, he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, offering me a sad smile. But to my immense relief, it wasn't full of pity. Instead, it exuded understanding. 

At least until it morphed into a look of simmering anger. “Where was everyone else when this happened? Why didn’t they say something or step in to stop him? Why didn’t they follow you to the bathroom when you ran away?”

All I could offer him was a shrug, but that did nothing to lessen his anger – it merely served to ignite it further. He grabbed me by my (other) wrist and slung the door open. It was evident to everyone in the basement that I had been crying. All of their faces locked with mine. “Mike, I’m going to need you to tell me who the fuck Troy is.”

“Uhhh… Why do you need to know that? Wait - how do you even know about Troy?” Mike asked, a mixture of confusion and fear attempting to overshadow the expression of anger he previously wore. Everyone’s faces around the room fell as well at the mention of their long-time bullies name – a fact Richie picked up on; fueling his anger even further.

“How ‘bout you ask your friends what happened to Will on Friday while you were gone? Oh, and don’t forget to ask why they didn’t do anything.” 

I glanced around the room, watching as each and every single one of them looked everywhere but at us in shame. 

After a lingering, tense silence that I spent fidgeting nervously (I’ve always hated being the center of attention), Richie flaring his nostrils, and Mike looking between the rest of the Party with a look that was somewhere between confused and demanding, El finally stepped up to the plate and explained the events that took place.

As she spoke, recounting the events as best she could remember, Mike's expression grew dark. He didn’t even know the worst of it (Nor would he). But regardless, he was pissed. Which made the next thing that happened even worse. Because that's when he glanced over at me and noticed my sleeve was still rolled up and the bandaid that Richie had reapplied was losing its grip, exposing my wrist just enough to clue him in to what I had desperately wanted to keep secret. 

And the moment I saw realization wash over him, I knew this was going to end in one way and one way only: in an explosion.

“I’m going to say this one time and one time only: I want every. Single. One. Of you to get the fuck out of my house and don’t come back until you decide you remember what it means to be a member of the Party. After everything we’ve been through together. You just – sat there and watched because you were, what, scared?” Mike scoffed incredulously. A look that was a cross between rage and disbelief contorting his face. “We’ve gone up against so much worse than some jackass that’s been bullying us for years.” I winced slightly, as did the others. Mike was getting awfully close to revealing shit he shouldn't. Though thankfully he hadn't said anything too revealing yet and our reactions could be easily misconstrued. “We all know that whenever we’re together, he wont fuck with us. Especially when El’s arou–” He abruptly cuts himself off, his eyes narrowing like daggers at his girlfriend. “El…” He says her name like it’s something sour on his tongue, teeth bared in righteous anger. “He’s your fucking brother.” His last sentence was filled with more disappointment than I have ever heard come out of his mouth, causing tears to brim in her eyes. 

I had never seen him act that way towards her before and from the looks of it, neither had she. The other others just sat there in stunned silence, looking horrified. Hell, I couldn’t move from where I was standing. 

Slowly everyone started getting up from where they were sitting in a tense, awkward muteness. No one made a sound, but there wasn’t a single person without tears of shame in their eyes. El was the last one standing in the doorway, yearning eyes waiting for me to follow. I looked up at Richie and Mike standing beside me, giving them a silent goodbye before Mike stopped me with his hand against my chest.

“Tell Joyce that Will is staying here tonight,” he tells her resolutely, causing El to scrunch up her face in confusion. But she didn’t argue – simply walking towards the door and gave us one last glance as she held onto the door knob.

“I should probably get going guys. I don’t want my mom freaking out because I’m not home. It’s a school night,” I said half-heartedly. I honestly felt bad for her. Nor did I want to leave El to go home by herself.

But Mike wouldn't hear of it, keeping his palm placed firmly upon my chest and shaking his head. “No. I want you to stay here with me – and Richie,” he quickly amends, flicking an unreadable look to his brother and causing my heart to flutter.

Classic me. Furious at Mike one moment, back to being absolutely smitten with him the next.

“Will, I’m sorry about tonight. I’m sorry about a lot of things. But I’m really sorry I wasn’t there for you on Friday. I want to be there for you now. I want – no, need – to be a better friend. I have to know your sa…” He stopped as crimson crept up his cheeks. He took a deep breath and continued, “Please just stay.”

Yeah, there was no way I was leaving now.

“I— Yeah, you’re right,” replied quietly. I didn’t have to say what he was right about, but when our eyes met there was this understanding that I meant all of it. They had abandoned me. Failed to say or do anything to even make sure I was ok – nevermind sticking up for me. And while I agreed he needed to be a better friend – Lord knew I was going to give him unlimited chances to do so. That, and I’d have been lying to myself if I had tried to pretend that I didn't need him now more than ever. 

I flicked a discreet glance over to Richie. And I could definitely use him too.

The basement door clicked as El got her final answer.

I really didn’t want to be alone anyway.

Chapter Text

Late Night Talks

Chapter 7 | Richie's POV

As I stood underneath the burning hot water, my mind ran through everything that had transpired over what felt like the longest week of my entire life – and that's saying something. I knew that while I wouldn’t change it for anything, I couldn’t help but wonder if I could – I don't know – just maybe ONCE in my life have a normal series of life changing events? I mean, just two days ago I was still in Derry and now I’m taking a shower in my new digs with a twin brother waiting back in our room with his really cute best friend. 

Fuck, life is crazy.

And speaking of my brother's really fuckable cute best friend: he just so happened to be who I just so happened to kiss tonight. Him. A boy. A homosexually inclined homosapien like yours truly. I actually kissed a boy my first night in this happening, God-fearing little hamlet smack in the middle of Ind-e-anna that by the not-so-subtle implications Will has given me is just as big of a homophobic asshat town as Derry. Aint that fucking peachy? 

Because if this ends up like… no, it won’t. Will isn’t him. I can do better this time. I won’t make the same retarded-ass mistakes I made last time. 

I’ll do anything to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Letting the water continue to pelt my chest (That Mrs. K was absolutely hot n’ horny for – after my legendary cock), I focused on the events of earlier: Will grabbing my hand and dragging me to the bathroom. Kissing him tentatively because Lord knows I did NOT want to freak him out. Finding out what he felt he had to do to himself because of that shitbag Troy and seeing the way Mike defended him (Will, not Shitbag). I mean christ – It quite honestly felt like one of those acid trips I'm pretty sure Aerosmith spends most their time on (Seriously. I dare anyone to tell me that Steven Tyler doesn't do hella lot of hallucinogens). 

Also, once again speaking of Wilbur… 

I don’t know what it is about that boy, but there’s something, I don’t know, magnetic, about him. Like, I know that kiss was just part of the game, but, the way it made me feel… I honestly don’t know if I would have stopped if he didn’t make me. I felt like I couldn’t. His hold was gentle but it still felt unbreakable. I shouldn’t be feeling this way over a guy I met less than 24 hours ago. I shouldn’t be feeling this way when two days ago I tried to kiss my lifelong crush. I should feel sad and hurt and regret it. But I don’t . 

I feel happy . 

(Or maybe that's just what years of suppressed gay horniness feels like when given an outlet. Either or I suppose.)

And yeah, I know I may have made it seem like I was a man of worldly experiences and sexual conquests to Will, but let's be real: I’m no better off than he is. The only other person I had ever kissed was… yeah. And that alone is a shit record. The boy was heavily closeted and knew his cousin would probably kill him if he ever found out. Like, literally kill him. As in forcibly cause the soul to depart his body in a very painful manner. So let’s just say that his constant fear and stopping to look around and make sure no one was watching was an instant boner killer. I.e., we never made it past first base. 

But in that bathroom? If Will had asked? I would have dropped to my knees and suckled that cock for all its cream filled worth –fuck the game. My mouth – as reliable as ever – just seemed to ramble off the most raunchy things I could think of as I became increasingly nervous. And oh boy was I nervous after the way he grabbed me. I wasn’t lying when I told him it was hot. That single touch ignited something in me (And I don’t think it was just my loin either) that has left me craving for more ever since and fuck me with a rusty screwdriver if I can’t get him out of my head now.

I was pulled from my headspace when I heard a loud bang on the door. “Richie, hurry the fuck up will ya? You’ve been in there forever! Dad is gonna be pissed if you use up all the hot water!” Impatient motherfucker. How long had I been in there for anyway?

“Yeah, I’m almost finished. Get your tits out of a twist!” 

Satisfied I had gotten Mike off my dick (maybe not the best metaphor), I went to grab the bar of soap and glanced down as I prepared to wash myself, only now noticing that I was a fucking hard . I bit my lip in conflict: on one hand, I had already been in the shower for God knows how long. But on the other, I hadn't spanked the monkey in probably a record amount of time. And because I’m a thoughtful son and brother who did not wish to explain soiled sheets to anyone, I did the honorable thing and resolved to spank this monkey. All while I had two people waiting for me to get out, one of whom caused it. I’m a dirty man. 

I quickly lathered up the soap in my washcloth and rubbed it all over my body, making sure to get myself all nice and squeaky clean before I proceeded with doing the dirty with my oldest lover: the talented Miss Palm-ela Hand-erson. 

As I took myself in my hand, I shivered and let out a small moan at the contact. Christ on a cracker it’s been too long. I rubbed my thumb over my tip and damn near felt my knees buckle. Steadying myself, I began to stroke my heated length as I let my mind wander to what happened in the bathroom again, steadily increasing the rate of pumping while alternating the pressure I used to squeeze my meat with. My breath and heart rate quickened dramatically, and I knew I wouldn't last long. Seeking to push myself over the top, I proceeded to take my other hand a reach behind me, gently applying pressure on my little Gate to Heaven (I’m SO going to hell) and letting my mind venture into its own little perverse fantasies on what could have happened if Will hadn’t stopped me. Namely me on my knees finding some way to defy science and simultaneously deepthroat him and lick his asshole (I will not be judged). Eventually, I let myself believe that my hands were his, taking his time feeling up every inch of my most intimate parts. And oh, fuck, did that do the trick. I felt my stomach begin to tighten and pressure pool within my balls. I was right there, teetering on the edge of orgasmic bliss. In one final push off the ledge, I pushed my finger in just past the muscled ring of my backdoor entrance and literally exploded . It was both embarrassing how easy it happened, and impressive how I had practically painted the tile a fresh shade of white. 

I stood there, panting slightly as I caught my breath. Staring with amazement at what I had just done as something really troubling clicked in my mind.

This wasn't just horniness.

This was a problem . 

Scrambling, I did my best to clean up the evidence before turning off the shower and slipping into the sweatpants I had brought with me, letting out a silent “fuck” as I realized I had forgotten to dry myself first. I quickly dry off my torso and do what I can with my hair before I let the towel drape around my neck to catch the water dripping from my curls as I walked back to our shared room and opened the door, both boys looked up at me expectantly. Mike was sitting on his bed observing Will, who was drawing in his sleeping bag on the floor. Will’s eyes dragged up until they caught mine and my chest contracted. 

Was he checking me out?  

I couldn’t help but smile just a little at the thought. But then I had decided to remember what I had just done and I felt my cheeks enflame. And not for the first time in my life, I was glad I took hot showers. Trying to seem as chill and not-awkward as possible, I quickly tossed my towel in the hamper and climbed into bed, feeling their eyes following me. “What, do you like the view?” I teased, wiggling my non-existent ass just for extra fun. Will actually choked at that while Mike just blinked unfazed, sadly becoming used to my antics. If only it was just the antics and not a question I was desperate to know the answer to.

“It took you long enough. Did you just decide to use all of the hot water on your first night here?” The sass attacked with every last syllable as he got up to start grabbing his clothes to change into after his (admittingly probably going to be freezing) shower. 

“Anything to make my little bro suffer,” I grinned, giving him a wink before continuing. “That’s why I let Will go first. Perk of being the guest of honor.” Will’s cheeks were bright red at my lame attempt at flirting. All Mike did was roll his eyes and huff, grabbing his pajamas before walking out of the room. But Will? Will’s eyes never left me throughout the entire interaction. 

Shit, does that mean he’s into me too?

I mentally slapped myself. The fuck am I even talking about? No one would truly like me. Con… dammit, He-who-shall-not-be-named, couldn’t handle the idea of anyone knowing about us being together. Eddie waited for me to mention it and, of course, I was too much of a dumbass, chickenshit, little bitch to tell him until I was leaving. 

Will doesn’t have feelings for me. It was just a game to him. A joke. Just like the sum of my existence.

After Mike vacated the room, Will swallowed as if nervous as all-fuck and I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. And it was way sexier than it had any right being. Thank Stan’s Jewish god I emptied the tank and all reserves earlier. 

He returned his gaze to the paper he had been drawing on before I walked in and I peeked over at it, interested in this newly discovered talent of his. By the looks of it, he was fucking good . I took it as an opportunity to drag myself out of the safespace of my bed and join him on the floor. 

“Whatcha drawing?”

He let out a breathy laugh, trying and failing to hide a shy, pleased smile. “You and Mike. I figured you would want a picture together. I’m not as skilled with a camera as my brother is, so I settled for the next best thing. Mike loves it when I draw him.” And damn did that hurt more than it should have. Mike probably had multiple drawings of himself that Will made. Of course Mike would have multiple drawings of himself. Will has known him practically forev– 

Wait a tick.

I looked down and squinted at the page, studying it. And unless my admittedly shitty eyesite was deceiving me, it sure as shit appeared that the only person he had started working on was me. And I knew this because Mike don't got no glasses. Something in my stomach did a goddamn somersault at the realization.

“You’re um… you’re really good. Like SUPER good. I can’t draw for shit. My inability to pay attention to shit is to blame for that one. Can’t sit still long enough,” I told him as I repositioned myself to lay on my stomach, making it easier to watch him work.

“Well, I guess if you are my “certified escape plan”, then I guess I can be your certified artist.” I looked up at him, meeting eyes that were already staring back at me. Your . He said your certified artist . He’s all but declared himself mine and, if I do say so myself, I don’t feel like sharing. 

Was I getting way ahead of myself? Absolutely. Did I care? Hell no.

We sat there looking each other deep in the eyes for several minutes before I somehow managed to scrounge up enough brain cells to work out that he was waiting on me to say something. I cleared my throat, but even then my nerves still slipped through so harshly that my voice squeaked out in a strained whisper. “Will.”

“Yeah, Richie?” He matched my tone, clearly just as nervous as I was.

“So, about earlier…”

“What, um… what about it?” He asked breathlessly as he looked down at his page and started twirling the pencil in his hand. Probably a nervous tic.

I wet my lips. When the fuck did they get so chapped? “So, believe it or not, I’ve actually gotten hurt keeping my mouth shut before –”

“You’ve actually been able to keep your mouth shut?” Will laughed incredulously. And somehow, it was like a great weight had been lifted off my chest and shoulders.

“Sir William gets off a good one! And for your information,” I dropped my voice to a low, scandalous whisper, “only when it’s wrapped around a dick.” I gave him a wink as he sputtered about, his cheeks turning the color of the Devils, well, cheeks. I took a steadying breath and slowly started back on track. “But seriously, I, um, I’d like to kiss you again.” Will just stared at me as if I was headless, so I added in, “For real this time.” 

I felt so vulnerable. Like my skin had been ripped off and I was sitting there exposed to the world and just this once, I needed to not be rejected.

“Oh, that was just your pretending earlier?” He teases slyly, slowly letting his lips form into a grin.

“Wouldn't you like to find out,” I challenged cheekily, brow raised cockily.

And then, like two magnets being switched on, our lips crashed into each other before my brain could even process what happened. This wasn’t as soft as the first time. This was needy and longing and dosed with extra desperation. It was breathless and erotic. I was grabbing at his face and pulling him in impossibly closer, running my tongue across his bottom lip as he welcomed me in. And holy fuck if Will couldn’t kiss back just as hard. A constant push and pull, equal but opposite and never letting that magnetic connection of our lips sever. And I wanted more . I needed more. 

But, unfortunately, I came to my senses. This is Will. This isn’t just some bonus waffle situation. I didn’t want that. I want to explore him. To get him. To actually get him to like me . So that’s when that annoying Jiminy Cricket motherfucker in the back of my head told me I had to stop. Because if I was gonna pull this asinine pipedream of mine off, I was gonna have to learn to – God help me – moderate.

Because ooo, I could get so addicted to this. To him.

So, I did the mature thing and pulled away from my now breathless… whatever he is now. His lips were swollen and parted and looked oh so perfect for wrapping around my–

Stop it Richie. Stop it now! Pennywise in lingerie. Pennywise in lingerie. Pennywise in lingerie. 

Ok. I can do this now. And honestly, he looked wrecked just from that kiss. And it was like temptation personified. 

“Oh my god.” It was all I could think to say. For one of the first times in my life, I was speechless. 

“Yeah.” He said, still trying to catch his breath.

“Fuck, that was… I— I don’t have any words.”

He reached out, grabbed for my hand before finally finding it. “Amazing.”

Apparently we're still only using single words.

“Yeah. I’m going to need a lot more of that. This whole move may not be so bad after all.”

He was blushing again when we heard the knob turn. Our hands shot apart just as the door opened and Mike walked in, plopping himself down on his stomach to examine what we were doing between the beds. “Still drawing?” All Will could do is nod, not wanting to draw attention to the fact that he could barely form sentences at the moment. Thank god my brother was a dense bastard because Will had clearly not even added a single line to the page since he left. “He’s really good isn’t he?”

“He’s one of the best artists I’ve ever seen.” I looked down at him with a smile that was full of secrets. My artist .

“Shup!” He blushed, shoving my shoulder. But I was wise to him. This boy loved being complimented; as betrayed by the smile and the blush that now covered his face. 

“Will, did you ever call your mom?” Mike spoke up with sudden worry and a concerned look upon his face that I didn’t quite understand. But hey, points for carrying I guess.

“Yeah,” he looked over at me to gauge my reaction before continuing, “I didn’t tell her what exactly happened, but I figure El will fill her in and I’ll have to have that talk later. She’s just glad I didn’t bike home alone again. She offered to send Johnathan to pick me up, but I told her not to worry about it. We can just bike to school in the morning.” And while I may not be the brightest, I could tell there was something being referenced there that I was not in on.

Mike took a deep breath as he contemplated what he was about to say, looking like a man considering his words very carefully. The fuck is going on here? “Are you comfortable telling him? I know we aren’t supposed to, but shit always happens here so I figure he will get dragged into it eventually.” Will stared at Mike for a really long time with a conflicted look. Then his eyes dropped back to his drawing with me just managing to catch a look at them. There was an unmistakable trauma in them. One that I recognized from my own when I looked in the mirror or saw in all my friends whenever the darkest horrors of what we went through forced themselves to the forefront of our minds. 

Will eventually nodded, quiet with shaky resolve, clearly not wanting to be the one to explain, and leaving Mike to take the lead. “Richie, I need you to listen to this with an open mind. It’s going to sound like we are batshit crazy, but everything we are about to tell you is true and highly illegal to be sharing. Like we have government documents and everything. They don’t want the public knowing about this shit.” 

Well, either this was the greatest leg-pull of all time or shit was about to get heavy. Intrigued to the point of no return, I slowly nodded my head. “Yeah, okay. I’m all ears. Make it interesting.” I waggled my eyebrows trying to lighten the mood and all I got was an eye roll in return from Mike. Will sat scarily still, almost frozen. 

Ok, shit must be really heavy, then.

“So it all started when we were twelve and Will went missing. Everyone was scared because nothing like this has ever happened in Hawkins. After nearly a week of search parties, a body was found in the quarry. It was supposed to be Will, but it wasn’t. It was a fake stuffed to look like him. But everyone thought he was dead. We even had a funeral.” Mike paused, leveling me with a deathly serious look. I almost felt the need to gulp. “Now what I'm about to say is the batshit crazy part, I cannot stress enough to you how serious I am when I saw this is one hundred percent true.” I nodded dumbly, already thinking I had heard the batshit crazy part. The fuck was he about to tell me? “So what had really happened was that the government had accidently opened up a portal to an alternate dimension we call the Upside Down and something escaped.” I felt my jaw slacken. What in the… “It was a monster we called the Demogorgon. It abducted Will and took him the Upside Down and trapped him there. The only reason we knew to look for him is because his mom had been talking to him through the lights and our compasses were malfunctioning. This is also when we met El. She helped us save Will. She’s different .” The way he stressed that word made me feel sick to my stomach. But with a glance at Will, he didn’t share the sentiment with his wording so I was able to relax a bit.

“Different… how?” I asked, completely walking over the whole alternate dimension thing. Because this was Will’s sister, right?

“She has super powers!” Mike announced proudly with nothing short of a geekiness I will be happy to tease him about later.

I blinked at him. “Super powers.”

“Yup.”

“Okay. Right. Such as…?”

“She has telekinesis to be exact,” Will stated as if he knew Mike would embellish on the details.

“Plus she can find people in her mind with just a photo!” Mike continued, only further proving the point. 

Will rolled his eyes at him and laughed. “Isn’t this exactly what you two had a fight about?” She’s more than just her powers, you know…” There was a tone of something there that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but something tells me they also fought over it too.

“Well, that’s cool as hell. No wonder you are dating her,” I joked, but was given a death stare like now wasn’t the time. “Sorry, continue.” Tough crowd.

Completely ignoring what Will had said, Mike carried on. “She was trying to keep us from going to find Will though because she knew it was unsafe. She was the one that opened the gate because of what the bad men did to her in Hawkins Lab. I lied when we were back in Derry. She wasn’t in and out of foster care. She was raised in a lab. She escaped and that’s when we found her and later – like, way later – Hopper took her in. Finally she came to her senses and helped us out and Joyce and Hopper were able to go to the Upside Down and save him.”

I let out a low, disbelieving whistle. Mike was right, it was all batshit crazy. But after what I had been through around that same age? Well, I'd have been a hypocrite not to believe them. “Well, I gotta say, that is certifiably insane –”

“He’s not done,” Will cut me off with, his tone monotone and straight to the point. It was almost scary.

“There’s more!?”

“Roughly a year later, Will is being haunted by his memories of the Upside Down. Everyone just thought it was PTSD, but it was actually more like visions. He was seeing an entity we call the Mind Flayer. It possessed him through his visions and he became a spy for the Upside Down. We were scared we were going to kill him by killing it because it was a hive mind. Luckily, we were able to burn it out because it liked the cold.”

“Oh my god…” What the hell did I move to? This shit sounds as bad as Derry! That.. that shouldn’t be fucking possible!

“Then the following summer, the Mind Flayer succeeded in creating a more human-like form and actually started killing people and using their mutilated bodies to create one of his own. He possessed Max’s older stepbrother this time and he led his army until he managed to break free of his influence and protected El from him at the cost of his life.”

“Jesus fuck ,” I breathed out. “I’m scared to ask, but is there more?”

“Just a little bit. Finally, last year we met Vecna. He was actually studied in the lab just like El was. He was the first of Dr. Brenner’s cases. When El was young, she sent him to the Upside Down when he tried to kill her. He was more powerful than her, but he was weak at the time from having his powers repressed for so long and he underestimated her. But he wanted his revenge. Not just on her but the whole world. So finally, years later, after he finally regained his strength, he began trying to destroy the world. He could make you see things that aren’t there. Get in your mind and use your fears and trauma against you. And then when he’s ready, he snaps your bones and kills you.” 

I was speechless for a really long time. It was a lot to take in, even if it was just the gist. “I believe you,” I finally managed.

In unison, they both replied in shock, “You do?”

I chuckled mirthlessly. “Yeah. Truth be told I’ve dealt with my own supernatural presence if you will. All of the Losers have. Derry has this… this curse. A monster made out of your worst fears. I don’t know what he was or where he came from, but he was…” I paused to shiver as the memory of him flashed through my mind. “I can't even think of the right words to describe him. We called him a lot of things: Pennywise, Bob Gray, or as we called him, It. He was a shapeshifter who’s most common form is a fucking clown. He would show you your greatest fears and then feed off of them. Children were his favorite. I guess he felt their terror was more pure. Easier. Because every 27 years, dozens of children would go missing and no one would bat an eye.”

“Did It get someone you know?” I shuddered at the name as Will asked. 

“Georgie. Bill’s little brother. He had gone outside to play in the rain with a paper boat Bill had made him and It got him by the sewers. Bill spent the entire summer making us look through the sewage system of Derry for him ‘cuz Bill felt guilty for letting Georgie go out alone that day. Each of us had our own run-ins with It. It tried to make us scared and hate each other. But eventually we realized that if we could show It that we weren’t scared, then he would starve. Plus it helped that I got a few swings on him with a baseball bat. Pretty good for someone who has never played sports a day in his life.”

“What kind of fears did he show? Was it scary?”  

It’s okay Richie. Just breathe.

“Everyone had their own trauma. Mike saw a burning building with people trapped inside. We are all pretty sure it was his survivor’s guilt from when his parents died in a house fire and he survived. Bill always saw Georgie, but you probably figured that one was a given. Stan saw this creepy ass painting that hung in his dad’s office. That lady was scary as hell. And you definitely shouldn’t ask if she is hot like I did because I can guarantee she wasn’t hot. Fuck me and my mouth for ever attempting to ask… Eddie saw a leaper because of all of the bullshit lies his mom fed him to make him into a hypochondriac. Bev’s entire bathroom erupted into blood because… well, yeah.” I paused, awkwardly scratching the back of my head. Happy I had caught myself for once before I revealed too much. “Um, anyway, Ben saw the egg boy, one of It’s previous victims who’s head was blown off in a bomb. Ben spent a lot of time studying and helped us to understand what was going on and that’s how he saw the story.”

“What did you see, Richie?” Mike asked with an obnoxiously teasing grin. The little shit… I cautiously looked towards Will, catching a knowing look that had me squirming ever so slightly.

I played with the strands in the carpet as I contemplated what I could say that wouldn’t be incriminating. And hell, after what we’d been through, maybe it wouldn’t be so much of a lie after all. I looked back at Mike with what was for me a shockingly serious expression and in an icy tone replied, “Fucking clowns.”

An awkward, stilted silence fell over the three of us, no one exactly sure what to say following that. I'm pretty sure they believed me – which they should. It hadn't been a complete lie – but I got the distinct impression they had expected something more. Especially since the other Losers had suffered through very distinct fears at the hands of It.

I glanced over at Will, who was regarding me with a look that told me he knew what I was leaving out. I smiled at him, it coming off as more of a grimace though. With a quick glance to see where Mike was looking (thankfully at his fingers, which he was twiddling around with) he cautiously slid his hand forward to brush our fingers against each other, just out of Mike’s view. He gave my hand a quick squeeze before retreating back to his page. A silent confirmation.

Finally, Will broke the silence with a snort that would have probably had me rolling on the floor laughing had it not been such a serious moment. “You’re actually scared of clowns?” He started laughing hysterically. And while I should probably take offense to it, I was happy to have a distraction from the thought of it all. Even if he was being a little dick.

Ha, it's a good thing I love dicks.

Chapter Text

Burned Bridges to the Looking Glass

Chapter 8 | Mike's POV

If you ever wanted to know if you could sleep through a freight train driving through the middle of your bedroom… well, scratch that – that would actually be quieter than Richie’s sleeping. 

Seriously, the man falls asleep the moment he hits the pillow and you'd think a goddamned bear was hibernating in the other bed. Which leaves the rest of us (and by that I mean just me because Will could literally sleep through anything) to try and drown out the obnoxious noise with the pillow that – newsflash – does close to nothing.

So, since sleep is no longer an option, I laid there with just my thoughts which quickly zeroed in on Snorey McSnore-snore over there. Richie, my previously unknown twin brother, is here in Hawkins. The Party literally broke into our basement to wait for me to get home (God help us if Dad ever finds out). The whole spin the bottle fiasco that I don’t even think I can get into right now– I mean, he had to have thought that it was weird when we touched like that too right? He looked like a deer in the headlights or something. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t seen him look that scared since we were 13 on the football field. 

I blew a raspberry into my pillow. Fuck, he must be disgusted by me. And go figure, the first thing he does is run to my brother. Shit, what if he told him what happened and now he thinks I’m some kind of queer or something? He has to know I’m not, right? I mean, if – if Will is… like that, I can deal with it. It’ll be weird but… fuck he’s been my best friend since forever. 

But if I’m not gay, then why did that touch literally feel like it was burning? Because that’s never something I’ve felt with El. She's my girlfriend and has been for four years! And you’d think I’d know if I actually felt the same way about guys. So why did Will freak out so much?

Christ I hate my fucking life sometimes.

***

I groaned as the bright sunlight hit my eyes. I felt like death. Whatever incremental bits of sleep I had managed to nab had been quickly interrupted by Richie’s snores. My mouth felt like it was full of cotton and my entire body ached, making me feel like it was weighted to the bottom of a swimming pool. Richie (the fucking animal) was still snoring away and it was almost laughable in the most aggravating way at this point. I rolled over to look at the alarm clock sitting on our nightstand between us and saw that it read 7:03 AM. Shit, I never set the alarm last night and we have to bike to school today. 

I glanced down between our beds and noticed Will was still asleep too. He looked so peaceful. It had to be one of the first nights in a long time that he hadn’t had a nightmare – at least out of the times he’s stayed here or I’ve stayed at the Byers house. There was something so calming about that: Will sleeping soundly. I held onto it with a sense of pride. Now if I can just protect him from the other dangers that plague him at school. Like Troy.

My emotions had been left on a simmer ever since I figured out what happened to Will. I truly didn't know if I would be able to forgive everyone in the Party for what they did (or failed to do). I still can’t believe no one did anything about it. Not the teachers, not the other students, not even the fucking Party. Shit, I really can’t believe El of all people hadn’t given Troy another piece of her mind. She protected me twice from Troy, but won’t even bother a word for her own brother? It’s bullshit! Will is… well, he’s a lot of things to me! He’s the first person I could ever call mine. My first friend. And the older I get, the more I feel like it’s something even deeper than that. Like, how can I possibly put into words how it feels to be best friends with Will Byers? It's like he’s the tape holding the shattering pieces of my shitty life together. Or that he’s the glue that continuously works to hold the Party together. He’s close to the beginning of all memories I have. My life without Will just isn’t even a probable thought anymore. Was it ever? The few months he was in California were literal hell. I was so goddamn lonely. Yeah, I missed El too. And I know I had Dustin and Lucas and then Hellfire Club, but it wasn’t the same. None of them were Will. None of them ever could get me like Will does. Share the same inside jokes we have. 

I glanced at the clock again. Fuck. I really don’t even have time to think about this. We have to get to school.

I quickly shook Richie’s shoulder trying to wake him up. But in some sick cosmic joke, the man that keeps everyone up with his snoring apparently can’t be woken up. 

… scratch that. It somehow made perfect sense. I sighed and decided to leave him to his fate and moved on to try to wake up Will who easily complied even though he didn’t look the most happy about it.

I pulled out my Hellfire t-shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans before running to the bathroom to change. When I came back, Richie (the absolute fucker ) was awake and already dressed in a bright and obnoxious stripped Hawaiian shirt (I need to find a convincing story to absolve myself of any and all relations to him) on with a pair of jeans that had a worn out hole in the knee. 

I frowned slightly, a slight pang of jealousy vibrating through me despite my horror at his choice in outfit. Truth be told? I Sometimes wished I could be as confident as Richie is. His personality is as loud as his outfit choices and he doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks about him. I meanwhile felt scared far more than confident and I worry too much about what other people think about me. But then I see Richie. He’s no different than me. He’s wasn't weird or gross for the things he likes. Or at least it didn’t seem like he was in Derry. Who knows how that will turn out here. But he’s confident to the point of almost being cocky and I envy that feeling.

I also realized Will was wearing one of Richie’s sweatshirts – coincidently the one he had been wearing in Derry. I would have thought a little more on why if I didn’t know that Will’s stay was last minute so he didn’t have clothes for school. And if we are being quite honest, it was weird that Will was able to wake Richie up and they both got changed while I was gone, but I didn’t have time to worry about it.

We ran downstairs and noticed the breakfast spread mom had laid out on the kitchen counter. Shit. She wanted to make Richie’s first meal in the house special and of course it had to be the day we were in a rush. “Hi boys! Sit down and have some breakfast,” she hollered over her shoulder as she was flipping the last pancake she made for Holly. She then grabbed the plate and turned to look at the disheveled mess of boys that stood in front of her. She sort of laughed in shock as she sat the plate down on the table. “Oh, hi Will! I didn’t know you stayed the night.”

“Yeah mom, sorry I didn’t ask,” I quickly added in, knowing that we, for one, didn’t have time for it and, for two, Will wouldn’t want to talk about it. “It was late and I didn’t want him biking home alone.” She gave a sad smile and started making plates for the three of us. “Mom, we don’t have much time for breakfast. We have to bike to school today since Will doesn’t have his car here.” 

She looked back and forth between us three for a long time before settling on a decision. “Richie, you have your license right?”

“Yes ma’am.” It was one of the only times I’ve ever heard something polite come out of his mouth. Will and I both gave him a blasphemous look. “What? Are you really that surprised that I can drive?” He asked, completely missing the point. I ran my fingers through my hair and shook my head, opting to let this one slide.

“You three take my car today, if you don’t mind dropping off Holly of course. I don’t have any other plans. That way you all can enjoy breakfast,” she offered, sporting a huge smile on her face. And from the look of it? I thought Richie was going to pass out right there. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. 

“Thanks mom! I’ll make sure Richie knows where the elementary school is so we can drop off Holly,” I answered, accepting her offer on all our behaves as I walked over to ruffle Holly’s hair before taking a seat and starting in on my plate. Richie seemed so ecstatic as he plopped himself down between me and Will. It was almost like he’d never had someone cook for him before. It wasn’t anything too special, just eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Definitely special for a school morning, but it was a normal weekend breakfast. 

By 7:30ish, we were loading up into mom’s car, Richie nervously in the driver's. I sat in the back with Holly as she prattled on about her newest best friend Cindy and how they were going to make sundays with multiplication (they were paper sundays with different color cutouts in the shape of the bowl, different flavors of ice cream, and a cherry they’d earn as the learned more and more multiplication problems. I remembered that well) and I let Will take the passenger seat. My legs would definitely regret it later, however. 

The ride was (mostly) smooth and I was kicking myself for ever thinking Richie’s driving skills would be as horrendous as mine. He pulled through the carline and put the car in park before turning to the backseat. “Are you ready for school Holly Jolly?”

She nodded enthusiastically and shouted out “Yup!”, before jumping out of her seat to give Richie a hug and then turning and doing the same for me. He gave a small wave to Will and opened her door. “Thank you for bringing me to school! You’re the best brothers ever.” 

I watched Richie as he watched Holly skip off into the building, clearly touched by what she said. He then noticed me watching him, scrunching up his face and asking, “What?”

“Look at you, getting all emotional at our baby sis calling you her brother,” I teased.

“Hey! Lemme have this! I’ve never had actual siblings, remember?” he shot back, half teasing, half indignant. “At least I didn’t start crying like some loser,” he chuckled before turning back in his seat and putting the car into drive.

“You were already going to be a loser anyways,” I said, shoving his shoulder as he began to drive while Will shook his head fondly.

***

When we pulled into the parking lot, the Party was already gathered and standing at the bike rack waiting on us. I reached towards the front seat to tap on Will’s shoulder, “Are you going to be okay?” I looked down and noticed Richie’s hand on Will’s and furrowed my brow as they quickly and awkwardly pulled away from each other. I frowned, wondering what in the hell that was all about. Maybe he was nervous and Richie was just trying to comfort him? Weird way to do it though. 

“Yeah, just – please don’t leave me alone today. I don’t want Troy to find a reason to come up to me.” He seemed more nervous than normal and it left me with an anxious feeling in my gut. 

“We would never. Right, Mike?” Richie piped up, looking at me earnestly before returning his attention back to Will. And I couldn't help but notice that he had this look in his eyes that I couldn’t quite read.

I ignored it though, writing it off as just seeing things. “Never,” I agreed. Like it had ever been a question.

“Don’t worry. We’ll make sure nothing happens. I mean it. I’m not scared to fight someone on my first day,” Richie grinned, saying it as if it was meant to be a joke, but something telling me it wasn’t completely one.

“Yeah, let’s try and not get suspended for fighting on your first day, Rich.” Will let out as a breathy laugh as he visibly relaxed. He then opened the car door and took a step out of it. “Come on. You don’t want to be late to Mrs. Sinclair’s class. Lucas’s mom is really strict on coming in late.”

Richie and I took our respective spots on each side of Will, flanking him protectively like a human shield composed of lanky, physically unimpressive nerd. We tried passing by the bike rack, giving them the cold shoulder. They seemed to understand and respect it, thankfully, seeing as I personally didn’t want to talk to them until they apologized. All of them except El, that is. 

“Mike, are you going to walk me to class?” she asked as she walked up and tried to wrap her arm through mine; even going so far as to try and pull me away from Will. That’s when I stopped walking.

Turning to face her with a scowl, I addressed her in a curt tone. “El, I can’t walk you to class. I have to make sure that Will makes it to class without Troy trying some shit again.” I was tired and not in the mood for this.

“But I’m your girlfriend. You’re supposed to walk me to class!” she stressed with a pout and a look of hurt in her eyes. It made me even more angry that she would try to pull a childish stunt like this.

“It’s okay, Mike. You can take her to class,” Will sighed, but I could see every bit of pain in his words.

“No, it’s not okay!” I seethed, barely able to restrain the volume of my voice. “El, you have fucking super powers, but you didn’t even try to intervene. I don’t know what more you want me to say. If you aren’t going to protect Will, then I sure as hell need to. Your class is on the opposite side of the school. So sorry, but today? I’m walking Will,” I huffed and brusquely started walking again.

“You’re still going on about that?” El frowned, having the audacity to seem surprised at my anger.

“Yeah I am Eleven .” My expression was stoic. Everyone got very serious at the fact I used her full name. We never do that in public, but I was so fucking pissed.

Apparently my point didn’t come across strong enough. “Hey guys! Seriously, we don’t need to fight–” 

I rounded on Lucas, furious. “No, Sinclair. That’s where you’re wrong. You’re all being dicks, ya know that? Not only did you guys abandon Will, not one of you has apologized yet! So stop acting like you’re our friend if you aren’t going to actually be one to Will.”

“You better not be lumping me into that group, Wheeler. I’ll happily be a dick to you for the hell of it, but don’t blame me for this shit,” Max said hastfully, pulling her glasses down to make sure I got the message. One look at her, made all of the color drain from my face. Her pearly white eyes that were glossy and never tracked direction anymore stared coldly. You would think that wouldn’t be something easily forgotten. Hell, we are lucky she’s even still alive. She lucked out on just being bling and having to walk around with a cane. But she did have a point.

“I’m sorry, Max,” I replied a bit solemnly until I saw how the others reacted. They were all shocked that I would just forgive Max so easily and not them. That for once, I was more accepting of a friendship with Max than the others. And if that didn’t make me even more furious, it would have been comical to think about. “But the rest of you are absolutely dicks!” 

“Dude, what were we even supposed to do? It’s Troy.” Dustin exclaimed and looked distressed. But he knows the rules. The one who messes up is the first to shake and I’m not backing down on this one.

“Yeah, because he’s so much scarier than a fucking demidog,” I spat, narrowing my eyes at him as he shrunk in on himself. “At the very least you could have checked on Will to make sure he was okay.” 

Having said more than I had wanted to already, I grabbed Will’s arm and took off inside with Richie. As we were walking away, I heard some pitiful and forced sorry’s, but at least it was something. I wasn’t going to pay any more attention to them. 

They deserved it.

***

Not that my day wasn’t already going rather shitty, I then remembered sometime around third period that I would have to face El again in my last class before lunch. Fucking history. 

So, even as I sat there in my seat in history class and doing everything in my power to ignore her (even actually trying to pay attention for once), I could feel her eyes glued to me the entire time we were in class. But that’s when I remember what was even worse about this class. It was the first of two classes I shared with Troy.

Mrs. Lewis had all of the desk circled in a U-shape so that we could all discuss class better (Which frankly makes no fucking sense. It’s history, not debate. We don’t ever “discuss” anything!) which normally wasnt that big of a deal other than the fact that I had to stare Troy in the face for the entire period. And that was for obvious reasons a very, very big deal today. 

I watched him as he walked across the classroom, sulking towards his seat and plopping down into it with a devil-may-care attitude before pulling out his textbook before catching my eye. There was a minor second where I swear I saw fear flash in his eyes before they glossed over and he quickly averted his gaze down to his textbook. That was… interesting. Fuck did I want to know what Will wasn’t telling me because he was way too shook up for this to be just some of Troy’s usual bullshit. And from that brief look of fear, something told me that Troy was scared I knew something. And suddenly, my anger cooled off to intrigue. What the fuck made Troy Walsh scared to look at me?

Next to me, El slammed her textbook down on the desk and the entire room turned their attention to her. Except for me, that is. I still didn’t want to even give her the time of day. So, I opted to do the mature thing and just ignored her, staying focused on Troy and studying him, waiting for him to crack and look at me again because I knew that he knew that I knew something was up and was watching him like a goddamn hawk. So that's how I stayed for the entirety of class: eyes forward and zeroed in on Troy even as Mrs. Lewis drolled on about something or another about how the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor and that's how we got involved in Vietnam or some shit like that. 

El attempted to get my attention a few times throughout class, casting me worried and hurt looks and once even waving her hand in front of my face. But I stayed strong and ignored her. The hand in the face, however, proved to actually be helpful. Because when she tried that (and gave up in disgust) Troy finally looked back at me with his head tilted to the side, curiously trying to read me now. Our little staring match ended both quickly and oddly though, when Troy silently started to laugh at me before he turned his attention back to the lesson Mrs. Lewis was trying to teach.

What in the ever-loving fuck?

It’s safe to say that I didn’t learn much during that lesson. Troy and I made direct eye contact a total of seven times throughout the lesson. Each time he would look at me with a mixture of fear and curiosity. With each one causing me to stare at him more and more curiously, wondering what he could possibly be thinking.

Unfortunately though, the moment the bell rang, Troy was the first one out the door. Not that I had any intentions of confronting him in the midst of Mrs. Lewis and our classmates, but I was just so perplexed by his bizarre behavior. I shook my head, muttering to myself as I quickly stuffed my book that I shouldn’t have even bothered getting out in the first place back into my backpack and quickly tried to leave as well.

Or, that was the plan at least until I was slammed by a force of an angry hand on my chest. I immediately knew what was happening and I shot a death glare at El. But instead of meeting her eyes, she was already turned in front of me and had started dragging me by the arm out of the classroom. 

We made it all the way to the gym before I was able to rip her hand off of my arm. You could literally see red marks from where her fingers were digging into my bicep. I scanned the gym to make sure no one else was around. Normally no one was in there until after lunch, but you really never know. Once I knew we were out of earshot, I started laying into El. “What the fuck was that for!” I yelled, clearly past the level of pissed.

“I don’t see why you are so mad! How can you possibly be the one that’s upset? You’ve been ignoring me all day, Mike!” She shot back, eyes narrowed dangerously. Not that I gave a fuck at the moment.

“I told you, El! I’m pissed at you for failing to protect Will! So no, I don’t want to talk to you,  or walk you to class, or even fucking look at you right now because I’m that fucking angry!”

El recoiled in hurt, but quickly gathered herself, sniffing, “It’s just weird Mike… Will wasn’t even in there and you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. You ignored me this morning before school and now you're too busy staring at Troy with this weird look on your face to even look at me. It didn’t even look like you were mad, just very interested in him. I’m your girlfriend Mike!” 

My blood ran cold. She couldn’t actually be suggesting that I was looking at Troy… could she? No, I’m not fucking gay! “I was not looking at Troy like that El! I don’t… I can’t. I just wasn’t okay!” 

“But you were. I saw you!” She insisted harshly. And looking back, yeah, it was obvious she hadn’t meant to imply I was interested in him that way. But in that moment? I really thought she was implying I was eye fucking him or something. 

I took a deep breath and slowly emphasized every word in my next sentence. She had to know how serious I was about this. “I don’t like boys El.” 

She immediately looked at me funny, scrunching up her nose and furrowing her brow in confusion. “You don’t like… boys?” she replies back slowly.

I huffed in annoyance. “No.”

“... What about Lucas and Dustin?” 

“Those are FRIENDS!” I laughed hysterically, though it lacked any mirth.

She took a few seconds to think through what she was about to say next as she stared at her feet. When she looked up, her eyes met mine in an odd curiosity as she asked, “And Will?” 

I scoffed loudly, ignoring the nauseous feeling roiling in my stomach at the question. “Funny you should say that considering we wouldn’t even be in this position if you would have just protected him in the beginning.” 

“What does Will have to do with us Mike?” She pleaded.

“NOTHING! And everything. I don’t know. FUCK!” I pushed my fingers through my hair and quickly began pacing. My next words quickly fell from my mouth before I had a chance to even register what they were. “I can never be enough for you, El! You have this idea that l…” I swallowed heavily and forced the word out, “that love is just like the movies. And it's not! How can you say that I don’t have your best interest at heart when I spend all of my time with you? When I wrote you letters weekly while you were in California? When we leave all of our friends early so that I can spend time with you and you alone.” I made a gruff, annoyed sound, throwing my hands in the air. “But you can’t even protect the one person that means more than anything in the world to me for one day while I’m gone! And now you would rather me pay more attention to you rather than focusing on protecting him? I can’t lose him again, El!” It suddenly felt like time froze and my throat started closing up when I realized what I just said… 

I couldn’t breathe.

Quietly, with tears pouring down her face, El spoke up in the quietest voice I think I’d ever heard her speak with. “You act like I didn’t do anything.” 

“Fine,” I choked out, my throat burning with raw emotion. “Tell me what you did that was so helpful to the situation.” I was somehow both so terrified and still completely livid at the same time.

“When Troy first noticed you weren’t here and asked where his boyfriend was, I told him you are my boyfriend, not Will’s.” She sounded so serious. Does she actually believe that helps Will at all?

I sighed, the fight just draining out of me as I realized just how little she actually understood. “El, that helps me not Will. You stood up for me, who wasn’t even the one being bullied. I mean I kind of was, but I wasn’t there to actually take it. That’s the whole fucking reason this happened. I wasn’t there for Will. Troy knows that I’m the only one that will stand up for him and apparently he was fucking right.” I turned to walk out of the gym. I was done with this conversation.

“I didn’t mean to hurt Will! I tried to help!” El cried out, trying to stop me. “What else should I have done?”

I turned back to face her, practically halfway across the gym now. “I don’t know El! I don’t know because I wasn’t there!” El walked up beside me and tried to wrap her arms around me in comfort. “Don’t touch me!” I pushed her away and she stumbled back, her face filled with horror like I was the bad guy. 

“Mike…” Her voice was timid and shaky.

“I think we need a break.” The words fell out of my mouth before I even had a chance to understand what I was saying.

“A break or breakup?”

“I don’t know.” Everything around us at that point was stagnant.

“But why Mike? Just for what happened with Will? That’s not fair.” She was pleading with everything she had. “I love you, Mike!” The words made me want to throw up.

“It’s more than that. I’ve just got to work through some shit. I’m sorry.” I pulled myself away from her and wiped my tears on my sleeves. I couldn’t stay there any longer. 

Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe I need some time away from El. We have been together for four years. She’s the only person I’ve ever dated. I just need to experience something new. With someone new. I honestly didn’t have any ideas who new was, I just knew I needed some changes. Plus I need to focus on building a relationship with Richie. He needed me. Mom was so big on how much he would need me, and I felt like she was tight. Hell, we probably needed each other.

I walked to the bathroom and tried to do my best to make it look like I was on the verge of crying. I knew they would probably see right through it, but I also knew I had to be there to walk with Will to our class after lunch was over. It’s his only class that he shares with Troy and, if I’m being honest, I’m probably more antsy than Will is to get this over with. 

***

My knee wouldn’t stop bouncing as I sat at my desk in English class. I was constantly watching the clock tick away minutes as I was waiting for Troy to walk in. Beside me, Will was biting his fingernails. It was a bad habit he used to do when we were little, but this was the first time in years that I had seen him do it. I gave him a reassuring smile. 

With only one minute before the final bell, the door opened and Troy walked in. I watched him as he kept flick odd little glances at Will the entire way to his desk. Once he sat down, he gave an awkward little wave in our direction. Whoever it was aimed at, was lost in the commotion as Will started struggling to breathe. He quickly stood up and ran out of the classroom and the bell rang.

“Mr. Byers! Class is starting!” Mr. Potter yelled out the door as if it would actually get Will to turn around and come back to class. I got up to follow him, knowing that whatever he was thinking right now couldn’t be good. “Mr. Wheeler! You know the rules. Only one at a time!” I ignored him though, whatever punishment I would get later didn’t matter. 

When I finally caught up to Will in the bathroom, he had already shut himself in a stall and was rummaging through his backpack. I quickly locked the main door to the bathroom and dropped my backpack in front of it. I ran to the only closed stall, knowing that was where Will was trying to hide. “Will! Please open up,” I yelled, banging on the stall door, even though I knew he could easily hear me in the tiny bathroom we stood together in alone. 

Will doesn’t respond. There’s just the combination of heavy, choked up breathing and sniffling coming from the other side of the stall. I looked down at the floor and grimaced just imagining what I was about to do. I squatted to the ground and slid myself under the stall to join him. 

“Will, please talk to me,” I said softly, looking up at him from the floor where he had his back turned to me still. Will turned to look at me like a deer in the headlights. Like some little kid that got caught with their hand in the cookie jar before dinner. 

I slowly stood and gently rested a hand on his shoulder. I could feel his entire body shaking underneath my hand. As he turned, he dropped the small silver tin he was holding. When it hit the ground, we both looked down to find the small blade that fell out of the popped open tin. 

There was a pregnant pause washed over us as we stared at each other, both realizing what just happened. What I walked in on Will almost doing…

Even though that bathroom stall was all of 15 square feet, Will quickly dove for it. In the process he almost pushed me out of the way, but not before I was able to put my foot down over it. I quickly slid my foot backwards to kick the blade out of the stall and remained in front of the door so he couldn’t run after it.

Defeatedly, Will leaned his head back against the stall wall and continued breathing hard, still trying to catch his breath. Slowly, he slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground. He tucked his head in against his knees, refusing to look at me. I followed him to the ground and tentatively reached out to grab his hand in hopes that he could help him slow his breathing. 

“Will..” I started slowly, “I need you to talk to me. What happened back there? Clearly it was bad if you thought about doing that… again.” I focused on rubbing tiny circles on the outside of his thumb. “Take you time. Just breathe in and out for me, okay?” 

The heaving slowed down after several minutes of us sitting there in silence. Just as Will was about to speak there was a loud bang on the bathroom door where someone was clearly trying to get in. Whether they were really just trying to go to the bathroom or trying to find us, I’m not sure. But I really didn’t care and I didn’t have any plans of getting up to let them in. Especially since the loud bang made Will jump and leaned in closer to me. Something about him being so close was comforting, but I wasn’t the one that needed to be comforted.

“I promise you’re going to be okay, Will. I’m right here and I’m not leaving your side.” Will gave me a soft smile before letting his head fall against my shoulder.

“It wasn’t their fault…” he whispered so lightly I almost didn’t hear it.

“What?” I whispered back, both hoping he would speak up and that he would explain more about what he meant.

“It wasn’t the Party’s fault,” he replied with so much defeat like the energy was just drained from his body.

“You don’t have to be nice just because they are our friends, Will. I know you are always so quick to forgive, but they didn’t stand up for you! They didn’t help you! This clearly affected you if you are trying to cut yourself!” Even though my tone seemed mad, I kept squeezing Will in closer and closer to me.

Will took a deep breath. “They didn’t have time to do anything. The moment I realized what happened while I was laying on the cafeteria floor covered in food, I got up and ran as fast as I could out of there. I ran straight to the bathroom to hide and attempt to clean myself up. I was embarrassed and I didn’t want them following me anyway at that moment. Or at least I thought I didn’t.” He turned so that he could look me in the eye.

“What do you mean ‘you thought you didn’t?’” I ask very cautiously.

“He followed me in here. He locked the door behind us, Mike. I thought he was going to hurt me! He pushed me up against the wall and got so close to me. And then he…” he choked up and couldn’t keep going. There were tears welling up in his eyes and he was starting to breathe heavily again.

“It’s just me, Will. You can tell me anything. I’ve been there through all of the horrible things you’ve been through. You’re not going to scare me away. I’m here for you through everything. Even this. Whatever it is," I reassured him, this time squeezing his hand in mine.

“He…” Will closed his eyes tight as if he was trying everything he could to force the words out of him, “he pushed me up against the wall and got so close to my face. I thought he was going to punch me. I was tensed up waiting for it. But instead he leaned into my ear and whispered ‘Your sister isn’t here to make up stories about you. Your boyfriend isn’t here to protect you. You can’t hide from me. I know that you’re a f… a fag.’ And it wasn’t until a teacher came to check on me that he finally backed off and pretended like he was in the stall the whole time.”

Once again, ice ran through my veins at the word ‘boyfriend.’ He meant me with those words. That slur was directed at the both of us. We had taken the bullying for years, but this seemed more serious. Personal. I swallowed and attempted to push the thoughts away. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Will. He’s just trying to get in your head. It’s not true.”

But there was something in my mind that was telling me that those words fell short for both of us.

Chapter Text

Submerged in Honey

Chapter 9 | Will's POV

The week had gone… pretty smooth for the most part. Richie had started to settle into his classes and was actually doing really well. It was surprising seeing someone who didn't take anything serious in life doing so well academically, so I was pretty proud of him. Heck, even Troy had been leaving me alone. Though I credited that mostly due to the fact Mike and Richie both made sure that at least one of them was with me between each class. Sometimes even switching classes and posing as the other, just to fuck with our teachers. How I hadn’t foreseen that coming, I’ll never know.

Unfortunately, what we hadn’t realized was that my locker was fair game…

It was just before lunch on Friday afternoon. Richie was walking with me to put my books in my locker before we headed to the cafeteria. I had rounded the corner to the hallway where my locker resided and that’s when I smelled it. Paint. Fresh. It had to have been done sometime during the last period. And I just knew whatever it was, it was going to be bad. 

I sighed, dreading having to read whatever asshole thing it said and knowing from a lifetime of experience it would take a lot of scrubbing to get rid of it. That’s when I looked up from the ground and saw the giant pink letters across my forest green locker: FAG .

Upon seeing it, everything felt like it was frozen in time, the very air sucked from my lungs as my shoulders drooped as if weighed down with lead. I quickly dropped my eyes, unable to look any longer as I felt my face flush with a familiar humiliation. And it hadn’t mattered that everyone had probably already seen it. Or that it was something they all had probably assumed anyway. Seeing it there splayed across my locker in that stereotypical hot pink – missing only fucking glitter – was more than I could take. I had to get out of there. I had to go somewhere. Anywhere, besides here. 

I tried to take off, but Richie, with his damned orangutan arms, grabbed my wrist and yanked me into the nearest bathroom. After a quick check to make sure we were alone, he turned to look at me, worry written all over his face while a broiling anger raged within the depths of his dark eyes. I could tell he had wanted to comfort me, tell me not to worry and that no one would believe it or some bullshit like that. Because we both knew that’s exactly what it was – bullshit.

So instead, he opened his mouth to try and say something, only for nothing to come out and closing them again. He pressed his lips into a thin line and I could see him clenching and unclenching his fists, looking like he was on the verge of shaking he was so angry. It was a jarring enough image that it had snapped me completely out of hurt and humiliation of seeing my locker.

“Richie… are you ok?”

“Ok? OK?” he seethed before letting loose an incredulous laugh that had lacked any humor, running a hand through his long locks. “Christ, Will! That – that asshole does…” he gestured wildly, “ that and you’re asking me if I’m ok?”

He growled and turned towards the stall, miming as if he was going to punch it. I quickly placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, which caused him to freeze.

“Look at me, Rich. Look at my eyes.” I felt the tension in his shoulders lessen by a degree, and he did turn his head just enough to look into my eyes out of the corner of his. It wasn't much, but it had been enough to know he was listening to me and not about to break his hand. “It’s… it’s fine. Ok? Hell, it’s just a fucking word. I’ve – I’ve heard worse.” 

“Will…”

“No it’s – it’s true,” I told him quietly, my mind flashing back to a garage in summer against the backdrop of a torrential downpour. I palmed my eyes, internally cursing myself for the tears I knew were there.

Richie’s expression melted immediately, and before I realized it, he turned to me and I felt myself being pulled into his chest. I involuntarily felt myself tighten, my breath hitching against the feeling of Richie’s entire diaphragm shuddering against me as he stutteringly exhaled.

“Is this… is this too much?” he asked me shakily and I could feel his embrace begin to loosen.

In a moment that for me felt rather brazen, I brought my arms up around his midsection and shook my head against his chest. “No. No it’s… thank you.”

Both of us relaxed into each other, if only just. We were still in a public bathroom after all and any second now someone could walk in and our lives would probably be over.

I pulled away from Richie with some reluctance, resting myself against the tiled walls while he stood in the middle of the room. The faint wisp of a smile ghosting his face vanished in an instant however as his expression turned serious and his eyes began scrutinizing me. I frowned at him, wondering what was wrong, and even made it as far as opening my mouth to ask when he abruptly asked, “You don’t hate yourself for it? Do you?”

My frown deepened with confusion. “Hate myself?” I parroted back.

Richie nodded, then dropped his voice to something close to a whisper. “Yeah. For being a fag.”

I mouthed an “Oh” at that, biting my lip as I considered how to answer the question. “I don’t know if I hate myself. But I…” I gave a tired sigh. “I’ve been through too much shit to hate myself anymore. But I do hate how different it makes me, I guess. How even if nobody actually knows I’m still ostracized from society. That just by being me, I’m a burden to everyone I care about.”

Richie considered me for a moment before nodding solemnly. “I get it. Fucking sucks more than Eddie’s mom on Valentines Day.”

I scrunched up my face. “... What?”

Richie huffed out a laugh that's halfway between amused and embarrassed. “Oh, yeah, sorry it's a running joke I had with my friends in Derry.” He gave me a lopsided grin, shrugging his shoulders as I shook my head in bewilderment. 

“You’re fucking weird, dude.”

“Yeah, won’t argue that,” he continued to grin before he seemed to swallow something hard and clears his throat. “But more importantly, I’m just as much of a fag as you. So just know you're not alone alright? I’ll be by your side no matter what.”

I felt the corners of my mouth turning upward. “Thanks, Richie.” I needed this moment. I needed those words. I hadn’t been lying when I said I didn’t hate myself for being a fag, but that didn’t mean I accepted myself. So hearing that? It for the first time in my life made the idea of doing so seem possible. Something I had never even allowed myself to conceive a thought about in the past without chastising myself, let alone actually let it happen. I ran my fingers roughly through my hair and took a deep breath trying to calm myself down. It was then that I noticed the slightly guilty look on Richie’s face. “What…” I asked subconsciously.

“It’s probably my fault though…” His words came out nervously and slightly mumbled. Now I was confused. What could have been his fault?

“What do you mean, Richie?” If I could have taken a step back, I would have; afraid of what this mystery thing could have been. 

He quickly reached out for my arm. He looked nervous. Which to this day remains an odd look on him. “Look, this… this isn’t how I wanted this to happen but…” He gently tugs on my arm, beckoning me to follow. He peeks out the door and glances around the empty hallway (apparently the passing period was almost at an end) before he pulled me over to my defaced locker. “Open it,” he asks shyly; yet another abnormal look on him. I almost wanted to beg him to say something crass.

I threw him a questioning look as I put in the combination to my lock, which was difficult to read with the blotches of paint that now covered it. As I heard the lock click, I felt my stomach twisting into a knot, anxiousness and curiosity comprising its two strings. The moment I got the door open, a piece of notebook paper fell out. I bent down, picking it up as I could hear my heart hammering in my ears. Surely this wasn't what I thought it was.

With unsteady fingers, I carefully unfolded the note; treating it like it was some ancient and brittle tome as I revealed scratchy, nearly illegible handwriting that read: Will you go on a date with me Will? -R.

“I guess Troy saw me stick the note in your locker. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry –”

“Yes.” I couldn’t stop smiling. Everything that happened prior didn’t mean shit anymore. Richie just asked me on a date. My first date with a boy. My first date ever. 

“What?” I could see that it wasn’t exactly clicking with him. He was still freaking out thinking that this caused everything.

“Yes, I want to go on a date with you. Don’t feel like this is your fault. Troy is just an asshole. I can almost guarantee he would have done this no matter what. I mean, it still hurts, but I don’t want you to blame yourself for this.” I pulled him into another hug before scanning the hallway to double check that no one was around. Then I grabbed his hand and dragged him into the janitor’s closet. 

“Kinky, William! You bring me in here to jump my bones?” 

“Shut up, Richie!” I pushed his shoulders and his back hit the back wall hard. 

“If you didn’t bring me in here to at least give me an ol’ fashioned, you’re really bad and convincing me that’s not what you brought me in here to do. And besides, this mouth takes a lot more than ‘shut up’ to make it–” I leaned in for a quick peck on the lips. Our first semi-public kiss. Initiated by me and it felt exhilarating. Dangerous, but still exhilarating. And it made it so much better that Richie’s checks immediately turned a bright shade of pink. So bright that the shade could still be seen in the darkness of that closet.

“Will!” he exclaimed breathlessly while trying to act mad. But his smile showed through his terrible act. He was giddy. 

“What? I can’t kiss my date?” I grinned, hardly believing the words as they left my lips. “Come on, let’s get to lunch. People are going to wonder where we are. I’m surprised Mike hasn’t come looking for us.” I quickly stuffed the note down in my backpack. I was definitely holding onto it. 

Like I thought, once we made it to the lunchroom, Mike was flipping out about where we had been. The rest of the Party was sitting with us, so I guess Mike had finally dropped that whole beef – that, or more likely because we wouldn't have had anywhere else to sit. 

Honestly though, I was fine with it. I didn’t blame them for not stepping up that day. Yeah, it sucked. But what could they have really done? It probably would have made everything worse. As we approached, everyone else looked up with inquisitive eyes, trying to read our splotchy faces that show a mix of blush and red eyes from the tears. A weird combination to try and decipher, I'm sure. 

I took a deep breath, trying to rid my voice of the excitement of my date tonight. My only excuse I can tell them is about Troy. “Umm— so I had to go drop off my books. My locker is— I guess you could say Troy gave my locker a little makeover.”

Mike’s eyes went wide and I could physically see his blood starting to boil. “What!? What is that supposed to mean? What did he do?”

I sighed as I began to pull out my lunch, resigning myself to another explosive reaction. But before I could tell them, Richie did.

“He spray painted ‘FAG’ on his locker.” His expression was emotionless. His eyes were dark. He knew it would ignite Mike, but he wouldn’t stop asking until we told him. 

Mike didn’t waste another second before grabbing his lunch tray off the table and walking over to where Troy was sitting. If I hadn’t known Mike better than I did, I would have been worried he would have caused a scene right then and there. His eyes stayed locked on him as he passed him by, making sure the bully saw him before he left the cafeteria, walking out without saying a word after dumping his tray. 

No one said a word, but we were all nervous about what would happen next. Troy wasn’t someone who took shit like that, even non-verbal.

It was the last time I saw Mike before the end of the day. He wasn’t in either of our shared classes after lunch. But my cleaned locker and the light on in the D&D room when I passed by it between classes gave me a pretty good hint of what he had been up to.

Richie and I didn’t see him until we were walking out to the car and noticed he was storming over to Troy’s truck. It was hard to see clearly, but from what it looked like he managed to get the drop on Troy, grabbing him by the shirt collar and slamming him up against the side of his door before he knew what was happening. I looked over at Richie in both fear and shock, wondering what the hell had gotten into my best friend. We took off running across the parking lot to try and intervene before things got out of hand. Because I knew full well that even if Mike got that asshole good this time, Troy would inevitably get him back twice as bad.

His body was nearly flush with Troy’s, as close to his face as he could get. But I couldn't stop worrying about what Troy would do. As we got closer, I could see their faces more clearly, and I didn’t like the look I saw in Troy’s eyes. It almost seemed like he was enjoying this. He looked up to see us approaching and busted out laughing. “Aww, Frogface. I knew that you and Zombie Boy were gay for each other, but now your retarded ass new brother is too. God, this is golden. That shit really must be genetic.”

“Shut the hell up, Troy!” Mike yelled, slamming the palm of his hand into the side of the truck. “You don’t know shit about my friends or my family and I’m sick and tired of all your shit!” He was seething and more angry than I had ever seen him.

Troy’s toothy grin grew even wider in response. “You sure about that, Wheeler? ‘Cuz I know shit, bro. Shit I bet you don't even know. And funny you defended your friend and brother, but you didn’t defend yourself. Have something you wanna tell us, hmm?” For a second, it almost looked like Mike was flustered by that question. Then Troy’s grin turned devilish. “Why did you follow me over here? Do you want some too?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He demanded through clenched teeth as he stood there clenching his fists. Mike had never been one to throw the first punch, but he looked awfully close to it.

“Why don’t you ask Zombie Boy how much of a fairy he really is?” His grin was sinister when he turned his attention in my direction. It felt like my airway was constricting. This was it. He was about to publicly out me.

“Don’t Troy,” Richie said sternly which caused Mike to whip his head around in confusion.

It only seemed to fuel Troy’s fire. He let out an amused laugh, throwing a hand up in Richie’s direction, “Or better yet, ask why he told your brother what really happened and not you.” Mike’s eyes turned to meet mine and I could see a layer of hurt shift over his anger.

“Don’t fucking push me, bitch! I’m not afraid to out what you did,” Riche shouted, looking just as flustered as Mike, and stepped away from my side as he stomped towards Troy. But Troy wasn’t backing down. I looked all around me, thanking god for the minor miracle that no one had started gathering around us yet. “Mike, it wasn’t because Will didn’t want to tell you. I promise. I just figured it out on my own,” Richie told his brother pleadingly.

Mike was looking between them, clearly lost and confused as to what the hell was going on and getting dangerously close to blowing a gasket. I was so worried and stressed about all of this bullshit between… fuck between all of us that without even thinking I opened my mouth and blurted out, “Troy kissed me okay?” 

All three of them turned to look at me in complete shock. And now that I had said that, I couldn't keep the rest of my pent up shame and anger from pouring out of me like water from a faucet as I turned to look at my lifelong bully, tears welling up in my eyes. 

“Is that what you wanted me to say? God, Troy – I don’t fucking understand you. You’ve practically made it your life's mission to make mine shit. My entire fucking life. Then out of nowhere you corner me in the bathroom the day Mike finally isn’t at school. You fucking kiss me. Then you tell me not to fucking tell anyone about it. Why do you want them to know now? Why do you want them to know that you’re just as much of a fag as me?” Richie’s eyes went wide when he realized what I said. I actually said the word. And then the words started replaying in my mind and I realized just how much I had fucked up. I actually just outed myself to Mike. Not Troy. Not Richie. ME. 

I felt like I was going to be sick.

I looked back at Troy, and I don’t think his smile could have gotten any bigger. That's when I realized that’s exactly what he wanted. He didn’t care about Mike and Richie knowing about him. He knows they wouldn’t do anything with the information. Fuck, no one would believe them anyway. But, after sixteen years of torment, he finally got me to admit my sexuality. He finally got me to admit that he was right all along. 

It felt like all of the air was knocked out of me. My vision was going blurry and I couldn’t feel my body anymore. Gravity weighted down with three times the force. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours. I’m not even sure. All I knew was that I wished I could have been anywhere else. Before I even knew what was going on, I was being dragged across the parking lot by Richie. My feet weren’t cooperating, casually tripping over one another as I willed my body to take more control and regain balance. 

That’s when I heard the punch. With a sickening feeling in my stomach, I managed to turn myself just enough to see Mike holding Troy up against the truck, about to let another swing loose. I tried to shake free and run back to stop him, but Richie had some kind of death grip on my arm. “Stop, Mike! Just stop,” I attempted to yell, but it fell on deaf ears. And if we were being honest, it brought more attention to those in the parking lot than it did to actually stop the situation.

Richie forced me into the passenger seat and slammed the door. He must have walked around the vehicle to get in on the other side, but my brain didn’t process it. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Mike who was finishing up one last word before he threw his backpack over his shoulder and started running towards us. I hadn’t even realized I was crying until I felt the cold air of the air conditioning hit the wetness of my cheeks.

“Will, you okay?” Richie asked as he laced his fingers with mine, trying his best to bring me consciously back to reality. I took a deep, unsteady breath and tried everything I could to force my body to stop shaking. “Hey, just take your time.”

Should I stay, or should I go now?

Should I stay, or should I go now?

If I go, there will be trouble

And if I stay, it will be double

So come on and let me know

Should I stay, or should I go

The song rang through my ears and with each word I could feel the tension loosen. I don’t know what it is with that stupid song, but it always finds its way into my head whenever shit gets to be too much.

I took one final breath before I could look Richie in the eyes. “I’ll… I’ll manage.”

It wasn’t but a second later when the back door of the car slammed open and Mike threw his backpack into the floorboard. “Fuck! Troy is such a fucking piece of shit!” he screamed before he followed suit into the backseat. 

“You didn’t have to punch him…” I whispered under my breath.

“Will, look at me,” Richie said, now shaking with anger. “I would punch him a million more times for that shit he pulled. He’s lucky I can’t fucking get away with killing him, because ohhhh how that’s really something I wish I could do right now.” The adrenaline was practically buzzing off of him. It was the first time I realized that had I not needed to be taken away, Richie would have had just as big of a hand in this as Mike did.

“Don’t you two get it? He got what he wanted. It doesn’t matter how many times you punch him, he will still know the truth.” I could feel the tears attempting to make a second escape.

“It’s not about that, Will! Don’t you understand? He had no fucking right to kiss you!” I whipped my head to the backseat and saw that Mike’s eyes were filled with tears. Truthfully, I don’t know how he managed to see to lay a single punch. 

“You… you don’t care that I’m… that I’m…” I couldn't bring myself to say it again.

Mike shook his head fiercely. “You’re my best fucking friend, Will. After everything we’ve been through? I mean, all of the crazy shit we’ve experienced together. You really thought this would be the reason I would abandon you? Hell, Will… I lost you once and I don’t think I could handle losing you again.”

And as much as I wanted to throw my arms around him and thank him a million times over, all I could manage to do was to pathetically choke on a grateful sob.

Mike didn’t care. After all these years of worrying and being terrified of losing the person who has meant the most to me my entire life, I finally didn’t have to anymore. He was still my best friend. It was sombering.

Not a single word was said as Richie drove me home.

Chapter Text

The Color Yellow

Chapter 10 | Richie's POV

When I awoke that morning, I was so fucking drowsy that to anyone watching the pathetic act of me dragging myself out of bed would have been sure I had a world class hangover. But sadly (because that would have meant alcohol. And if you thought that having Wentworth as a dad (using that in the absolute loosest definition of the term) turned me off from drinking… well, I’m horrible at moral lessons or whatever), a hangover I had not. I just couldn’t afford the luxury of sleep on the night before a night like tonight (say that fast three times. Fucking dare you). The night before a big date. My first date with Will. 

See, sometimes the brain just doesn’t stop. It just likes to run wild with every thought and idea imaginable in this wild conspiracy to deny the body the just, wondrous sleep it fucking deserves. And there's no stopping it, either. At least, I know I can’t stop my brain from screaming out shit like, as an example with no basis in truth or reality, how last time I went on a date went; about everything I did spectacularly wrong; about how no one can truly love a trashmouth like me (at least beyond platonically). What little sleep I got didn’t even start until the wee hours of the morning and left me feeling like I was living in a groggily sludge. 

Seriously. It felt like every part of me was being weighed down by lead and I was being forced to trudge through a stanky swamp. Why we are specifying the swamp be stanky, I know not. But it was. And you get to know about it. You're welcome.

Mike had apparently abandoned ship (our bedroom) well before I was brought back from the dead, enticed by the alluring smells of breakfast. This was to my luck, as you see I really needed a minute (hour; morning; all fucking day) to myself to get my head on as straight as Odin would allow. On any other day, the smell of mom’s (still working around the mouthfeel of calling someone other than Maggie that) waffles cooking would have had me running down the stairs so fast that I wouldn’t even be sure I touched a single step. But today, my stomach felt like it could flip at just the smell of the damn things. 

So it seemed food was a decided no.

I trudged my way down to the bathroom and flipped on the shower as boner-killing as it could go. Literal liquid ice. Because I needed all of the help I could get to make sure today wasn’t a total failure – like the kind they write children's tales about to warn them about why not to disastrously fuck up. And seeing that it already wasn’t starting out great and I hadn't even made it to Will’s house yet…

Well, I guess as long as the night didn't end with me and/or Will getting lynched by a mob, I could consider it a success. Power of positive thinking, people.

I discarded my pajamas on the floor and as I stood there staring at myself in the mirror, I felt a shiver run up my spine (and no, not because I’m a narcissistic fuck. I haven't tried to bang Mike yet, Have I?

… ‘yet’ was a poor choice of word, this I concede. Anyway). 

Studying myself, nothing looked right – honestly. I could barely even recognize myself – and I kept wondering who this person was staring back at me. All of the bruises had faded across my gangly body that stood almost too tall in front of that bathroom vanity. It felt foreign. My eyes drug up my body, internally cringing at my thighs that were covered in dark curly hairs. Thick and bushy and definitely way more than any of the other Losers had (we may have skinny-dipped once). They continued on until they landed on the bright scars that lined my hips. The same scars that itched and burned all last night for attention. The same scars that called out again and again that they were the only real things around me no matter how many times I resisted. It was one of the most difficult nights in a long time. I forced my eyes to keep moving. They landed on my stomach that sat slightly pudgy and soft. In no way fat, but also not skinny. Somewhere in the middle with no side to call my own. And they finally landed on the obnoxiously large glasses that covered my face. I couldn’t see a single thing that would make Will actually pick me. I didn't want to see all of the flaws anymore. I ripped off the glasses, ripping my eyesight away with them, and stepped into the shower as I gave my final self assessment: I was Fugly. Capital F for sure.

The cold water dripped down around my face as I stood under the unrelenting pelting of the water pouring from the shower head. Fuck I had to do better than last time. I had to be better than last time. I couldn’t go through that shit again. I couldn’t risk hurting Will the same way he hurt. 

I felt my shoulders tighten as I clenched my fists, a trickle of resolve working its way through me as, slowly, I felt a speckle of confidence coming back to my body. I was going to make this the best goddamn first date I possibly could. 

***

My body felt like it was buzzing post-shower as I dug through my closet trying to find the most date appropriate outfit I owned. While my outfits are never short of classy, with an array of Hawaiian prints, Sir William deserved only the best. And so my best he shall get. That best being a color block button-up made up of the primary colors. A shirt made clearly to go after an artist’s heart if he noticed. 

(God I hoped he would notice.)

But it wasn’t until I was struck with the most genius idea I have ever had that I knew I had a chance for everything to turn out successful. I had to give Will his big, fancy date, as discreetly as possible. That’s why, I grabbed the black tie that was hanging in our closet (Get it? Black tie attire! Ba dum tss.)

I stood in front of the mirror and flipped out the collar on my shirt. I laid the tie around my neck and just stared in confusion. I’ve never actually worn a tie. Not once have I ever had a reason to wear one. Fuck, even to prom last year I just wore a Hawaiian shirt under my suit jacket (Yeah, that one did not sit well with the teachers). And it’s not like father of the year, Wentworth Tozier, ever did any real parenting. So that demonstration, along with a few others I’m much more glad I didn’t have, never happened.

I tied and untied. Retrying time and time again until the damn thing was wrinkled beyond repair. I felt like I had tried just about every formula in the book. 

Keep the skinny end longer. 

Keep the fat end longer. 

Keep them both at the same damn length. 

Wrap them both around my kneck and hang myself from the goddamn ceiling because why is this so fucking hard!?

I was about to blow a gasket. Seriously, how fucking hard could this really be? Harder than my dick on a night with Eddie’s mom, apparently. “Why won’t this fucking work?” I growled in frustration as I ripped off the tie and attempted to throw it across the room, which, if you’ve ever tried to throw a tie, went spectacularly. “Fuck you!” I screamed a little louder, kicking the thing and throwing the door to the closet as I turned away, about to fall backwards onto my bed.

And I’ll give it to Mike, that fucker sure has impeccable timing. Just as I threw the closet door shut, he threw the door to our room open. “Dude, are you okay? What’s going on in here? I’m surprised Dad isn’t already screaming your head off for slamming doors.” He looked both worried and then confused when he noticed that I was actually dressed. 

As if on cue, Dad (also a weird mouthfeel still) screamed for his Lay-Z-Boy downstairs, “BOYS! Stop slamming these doors. You’re going to break the house!”

Mike smiled with an annoying amount of smugness and thumbed back at our bedroom door, “See!” 

If that was supposed to be a funny joke, maybe he should leave those to me. I just rolled my eyes and I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed me by the shoulder. “I don’t want to talk about it, Mike,” I huffed and shook my shoulder loose from his grip. I walked out of the bedroom without turning back.

Yep, today’s forecast: shit.

“Rich, where are you going?” I just ignored him and kept walking. 

Truthfully, I did feel bad. Mike didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just not the day. 

“Come on, Richie, talk to me. What’s going on?” He pleaded, following me down the stairs like a psycho stalker.

“Mike, I fucking told you, I don’t want to talk about it right now!” 

FUCK, I needed to get out of there. Almost as much as dad needed us to stop disturbing the tranquility of his kingdom.

“BOYS! First the slamming doors and now the screaming at each other. Just stop!” he demanded, actually having gotten out of his Lay-Z-Boy this time. 

Well, that was my cue if I ever had one. I didn’t waste any time. I grabbed the car keys and headed out the front door. Just on the other side, I could hear Mike continuing on. “You're just going to let him walk out and take the car like that?”

“Honey, he already asked to take the car today. Why are you giving him such a hard time? Let him have some time alone. He hasn’t really had a chance to have some time to himself since he moved here. Can you give him that?” Mom said softly in this weird pleading-but-also-kinda-scolding voice, not knowing I was still standing there listening. Tears started to perk in my eyes. I’ve never really had a parent that would stand up for me like that. I took a deep breath and walked down the front steps to the car, wondering if all Karen’s were like that or if it was just the one I called mom.

I didn’t really know where I was going because I didn’t have to be at Will's until 4PM, but I knew I had to go somewhere to get my mind off of everything. So I just started driving and I would figure out where I was going when I got there.

***

So, a fun fact about me is that I wouldn’t really call myself someone who believes in “fate” (picture me doing air quotes). Why, you may ask? Well being someone like… me in a world like… this one will do that to you. 

But maybe I could believe in chance (assuming chance doesnt turn out to be a backstabbing bitch. But let's face it, the odds aren't great).

And maybe – just maybe – I would get a chance after a shit start to turn this fucking day around in time to still make this the best first date for Will. Hey, sometimes you can stumble upon miracles. Or in the case of the last one, your alcoholic, homophobic dad does and delivers it to you via literal gut punch. Schematics. 

I drove until I saw the “Leaving Haw Hellkins” sign (And, yeah, I won't deny that didn't make me smile just a little. Whoever did that? Respect). It was just after when I saw the field up on the hill. There was a patch of flowers growing out on what I can only assume is Merrill’s Farm based on the little wooden sign with an arrow pointing in its direction. I quickly pulled over on the side of the road and made my way out to the patch of flowers, hoping I wasn’t about to get yelled at for stealing. I snatched up a variety of the prettiest flowers I could grab quickly and, as casually as possible, bolted back to the car. 

I sat there panting hard in the front seat and when I finally caught my breath, I cracked a wide grin as I used my fingers to pull the flowers apart and inspect my haul, thinking that these would do nicely as an impromptu (but totally traditional) gift.

It was that thought that caused me to start laughing, making it to anyone who drove by seem like I was a crazy person. Not that they would be wrong. I am definitely crazy. Someone who is quickly becoming more and more crazy for William Byers.

(And yes, I am fully aware of how horrifically cheesy that was. Bite my ass.)

***

After managing to find a way to kill pretty much the entire day without wasting all my borrowed cash (which, in hindsight, may have been the actual  miracle here, folks), I made my way down Will’s driveway leading up to his house at precisely 4:00PM (Suck on that dick, Stanley! I can be punctual!). Everything felt like it was buzzing as I sat there and stared up at that front door trying to work up the courage to go knock. After a few deep breaths, double checking my hair and deodorant, and making one wipe of my extremely sweaty hands onto the thighs of my jeans, I finally got out of the car, knowing I couldn’t wait any longer. 

I wasn’t even two knocks in before Will flung the front door open with the largest smile I had ever seen. That was until his eyes caught on the flowers and he just froze. 

“Hey, Will–” I frowned. “Um… Wazzup?” I asked, trying to play off my worry with a little too cool for school, but knowing I had missed the mark.

“Shit,” I thought as I broke into a fresh nervous sweat. “The flowers were too goddamn much! I’m such a fucking IDIOT–”

“Are those… for me?” Will asks softly, eyes going big and filled with both disbelief and hopefulness.

I swallowed thickly, “Um, er… yeah. ‘Course they are,” I stumbled lamely, like the suave sonuvabitch I was. I bite my lip. “Are they… too much?”

It’s like that one question knocked life back into him. “No, no! Sorry, it's just that no one has ever gotten me anything like that before.” But the look on his face said that there was more there than he was letting on.

“What, these things?” I asked flinging the flowers around. “These were actually for your mother,” I grinned, but unfortunately my amazing joke… did not land.

“Oh… yeah, right. Flowers are more of a feminine thing. That’s what Dad always said when I would…” he abruptly stopped like he had seen a ghost.

… which made me pale even worse than a ghost.

“Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, FUCK!” I chastised myself before immediately going into full damage control mode with about as much skill as a team of monkeys acting as firemen.

“Shit! Will, that was a joke!” I tried to explain, waving my arms around frantically as if that somehow emphasized it. “I swear these are really for you. I hand picked them myself and everything!” I rushed forward to pull him into a hug while simultaneously looking for an exposed nail to bash my head onto. Fuck, I can’t even land a joke today. Everything really is going to shit.

I felt Will nod his head against me, though he said nothing and the look on his face did the same. Quietly, he took them from me and beckoned me inside the house where he dug around for a vase in the kitchen before everyone else got home while I followed him around like a sad puppy with his tail between his legs. After he found the vase and filled it with water, he carried it up to his room to put them in his window seal. But once he opened the door, I couldn’t take my eyes off his room. The walls were a light yellow, or at least what little bits you could see that weren’t completely covered by art. It was a room that screamed Will in all the best ways and it was beautiful. Once he sat the flowers down, he turned to see me standing there in the doorway in awe. 

“What?” he chuckled shyly, offering the smile I had been hoping for earlier.

I about collapsed with fucking relief. I didn’t, but I know my immense relief showed as blew out an impressed whistle. “Shit, William. I mean I knew you were a good artist, one of the best even, but this shit is insane. All of these are so amazing!” I took my time walking around to look at each piece individually. “Like you need to sell your work. Do this professionally. This shit is so good!” 

“Thank you. But you know what’s better?” He asked as he started wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

I spun around in his arms to look him directly in the eye.“What? You can’t seriously tell me there is something better than th—” That’s when he put my hand behind my head and pulled me down, crashing my lips into his. 

Oh.

I had been waiting to do this all fucking day. I spun him around and pushed him up against the wall, deepening the kiss. One hand rested in the small of his back and the other rested on the wall beside his head. I swiped my tongue across his bottom lip, inviting myself in as he happily obliged. I would never get tired of this. It was electrifying to taste him like this. His tongue danced through my mouth, exploring the parts unseen. I pulled back only for a second, “I stand corrected.” And then I leaned back in. I let my hand on his back fall to his hips, barely ghosting over the side of his pert little ass. He let out a gasp in my mouth and just laughed, feeling the huff of his breath brush against my lips. I pulled away, hands still on his hips before I gave a gentle pat on his behind. “Come on. We have a date to get to. Then there’s the attempts at baby making. Because if we're honestly trying, it's not a sin.” I gave him a wink before taking his hand and leading us out of the bedroom as he gasps in shock before letting out a hearty cackle that sounded so beautiful it filled me with an abundance of fuzziness and warmth and erased all of my earlier doubts and anxieties... 

… for exactly ten seconds. Because the universe fucking hates me (Or maybe God was getting in some insta-revenge for that joke. If so, touche, big guy). 

I stopped abruptly and dropped his hand when I saw that El was sitting on the couch in the living room as we made our way by. Luckily, I think we were fast enough that she didn’t see anything. “Hello, Richie! What are you doing here?”

“Will and I are going to the arcade,” I replied casually, trying to be friendly but also imply I’m trying to steal your fucking brother so stop asking questions!  

She cocked her head to the side in inquisition. “Mike loves the arcade. Is he not going with you?” 

Fuck my life. Fuck my goddamn life. 

“Nope! I needed to see what all games you have at this arcade and play them all before I bring Mike to beat his ass at every single one of them. Will is going to show me his favorites so I can get really good at those.” I flashed a look in Will’s direction hoping to gauge whether or not that worked. Unfortunately, he wasn't that helpful, as he looked absolutely astonished by the fact that I could talk out of my ass like that. Truthfully, I was just as surprised that it sounded as believable as it did. I can normally bullshit my way out of just about anything, but after the day I’ve already had, I was hoping to not press my luck. 

Coming out was not something we were even close to discussing – if we ever officially did. Troy and his fucking claims can go fuck themselves.

Luckily that seemed to work and El just shrugged her shoulders and continued watching the movie she had in.

***

As we entered the arcade, I led Will with a hand in the small of his back. Just enough touch for him to know I was there, but not enough to draw attention to ourselves. 

We opened those front doors and it immediately felt like home. Or at least the closest thing I could call to it. The room was dark and covered with neon lights, but the ambiance was perfect. I immediately spotted Street Fighter from the front door and next thing I know, we were running over to it trying to beat anyone else who might have that game in mind. 

“I spent every second I could of my summer training on this game when I was thirteen,” I commented with probably a bit more excitement than I should have, considering that it was mainly my way of coping and avoiding my parents. I leaned in close and whispered smugly, “Of course that’s when I wasn’t fighting some demon clown.” 

He let out a small titter. “Teach me.”

“Oh my god, William Byers. Are you saying what I think you are saying right now? Have you never played Street Fighter?”

He gave a sheepish grin. “... Maybe.”

There’s a glint of pride in his eyes and I can tell he’s excited. I put in a quarter and grabbed his hands to place them on the controls. Then I laid mine on top of his to help control his movements. After a few games, he was starting to get the hang of it and was even playing on his own as I sat back and watched in amazement. “Come on Rich. This is your favorite game. You should play too.”

“I don’t want to absolutely obliterate you at Street Fighter on the first da– er, hangout,” I corrected, catching myself just barely. I still flicked a nervous glance around, praying no one had heard my almost slipup. Thankfully we're pretty alone over here and everyone was way too engaged in their own games. “You’ve definitely improved and I can see that there’s some talent there, but I have years of experience on you. It wouldn’t be fair.” I gave him a cocksure grin as I crossed my arms and leaned against the game machine next to us so that I could continue watching him play.

“Fine, but after this game, you are going to play a round on your own. I want to see if you are as good as you really say you are.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Definitely.”

I cracked my knuckles. “Challenge accepted.”

***

Once I finally started in on the game, I couldn’t stop. I was back in my element just like all those summers before. I never lost a single round. We never went to another game all night. Will seemed content sitting there watching me in my element despite my constant nagging to get him to play something.

After a while, we stopped to order burgers and milkshakes (Strawberry for me, because gay. Banana for Will, because yellow). We sat at one of the tables inside the arcade and he pressed his foot up against mine. Another silent reminder that this is a date without being too obvious. We carried on conversations about anything and everything, getting to know the little details about each other. It was the first time we really got to talk about the deep stuff without anyone being around. With each little thing I learned about him, I felt myself liking him more and more. For the first time in a long time I was happy.

“Hey Rich. I want to ask you something serious.” I perked up from my milkshake and suddenly my stomach pooled with worry.

“Sure, everything okay? Nothings wrong, is it?”

“No. I promise everything is fine. I just— I think I want to tell the Party… about me.”

“Wait really? Oh my god Will! Are you being serious?” 

So much for possibly never coming out. How life changes.

I couldn’t be more proud of him for wanting to do this for himself. But there was also this lump in the bottom of my stomach that didn’t know if it was a good idea. I mean, clearly Will trusts these people enough to tell them. But, I don’t know them well enough yet to know if that’s such a good thing to do or not.  

“The entire school will know by Monday anyways. I might as well tell them. It will be better if they hear it from me.” Though the smile he wore was meant to assure me, I could see the resignation behind it. That he had accepted that one way or another, people would know he was gay whether he liked it or not. And maybe there was the slightest bit of him that was almost looking forward to it, if only to relieve himself of the burden of secrecy he’s carried for so long. That’s when I knew that I couldn’t be scared for him. If it went bad, we would just go down together. What I really needed to do was support him. 

I reached forward and squeezed his hand, public be damned, and in the most adult, mature voice I could possibly muster told him, “Will, I am so proud of you. You know that? I’m so proud. You’ve been so strong fighting through shit for so long. I’m proud of you choosing to do something for yourself. I’m proud of you for everything really.” 

He flicked his eyes around nervously (It’ll always be a habit. Coming out would absolutely make us less safe), but seeing no one was looking, he (still very bravely) took a moment and intertwined our fingers. 

Man, how did I get so lucky with Will? He really is something.

***

We had made it back to his house and we were standing outside on the front porch saying our goodbyes. All of the sudden it felt like time froze as I looked at him. It might not have been the best day, but I knew what I needed to do. I couldn’t wait any longer. “Will?”

“Yeah, Rich?” He almost sounded breathless. Fuck that sounded so hot–

Focus, Richie.

I was seconds away from just running. How the fuck are you supposed to have the balls to do this shit? I took a deep breath. “Would you maybe want to be my boyfriend?” 

Fuck that sounded meek. 

“I’d love to.” 

Relief washed over my face and a smile covered any previous signs of worry. He pulled me into a deep kiss, sealing in the answer. When he pulled away, he whispered, “my boyfriend.” I melted in his arms. 

I laid my head against his chest and repeated, “your boyfriend.” I couldn’t contain how happy it made me to say those words. “I’ve got to go now though. Mike was already questioning my ass earlier today on where I was going and I don’t want to give him anything else to question. I’ll see you soon, Will.” I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

“I’ll see you soon.”

As I walked away towards the car, an idea hit me. I turned back towards Will and asked, “what’s your favorite color?”

“Yellow, why?”

“No reason,” I replied with a shit eating grin and closed my door. 

As I drove home, giggling the whole way like a teenage girl, I remembered that Mom mentioned Nancy was coming home for the weekend. I didn’t know if that would help my plan or hurt it, but I couldn’t get home quick enough. I had an idea to surprise Will and hopefully make him feel a little better about coming out to the Party. Yeah it might be stupid and useless overall. But I’m pretty sure it won't shock anyone to discover I’m gay, so what would it hurt?

I parked the car in the driveway, noticing Nancy’s car wasn’t here yet, and ran through the front door. I was hoping Mike didn’t catch me first because I knew his questions would be never ending. I quietly snuck past our bedroom door. He never opened it, so I must have been in the clear. Now to just get in and out of Nancy’s room before she gets back home. 

I walked over to her vanity and started searching through her drawers looking for where she keeps her nail polish. I wasn’t finding it anywhere. Even if I did, what’s the odds she would have yellow? It’s not the most common color to paint your nails. But it is Will’s favorite. Plus it’s just subtle enough for my first time painting my nails and hopefully light enough that the good ol’ -rents wouldn’t notice. Heaven forbid I get kicked out of two homes in a single year for being gay (well, I got beat for being gay and then they took me away the first time, but you get the gist). Either way, this is still bumfuck Indiana and the Regan magnet on the fridge was not promising.

I can’t be taking away Will’s thunder on his big day when he comes out. Just a tiny bit of support from his boyfriend. God, it feels so good to say that. I can’t believe I get to call Will mine.

“What are you doing in here?” I snap my head back to the door and I see Nancy staring down at me where I was sitting on the floor with her arms crossed. How long had I been in her room? Damn, she must have been like RIGHT behind me coming in.

“Oh! Hey! Yeah I was umm— I was umm. Shit, I’m sorry, Nancy. I was… ” I blew a raspberry. “Okay look, I promise I wasn’t trying to steal your shit or anything so don’t get mad. And please don’t tell Mom and Dad! I actually like it here.”

Nancy’s entire demeanor softened at what I can only assume was her first time hearing me call them that and the admission. But she cocked her head to the side, still confused, “So then why are you digging through my room?” She asks, genuinely curious.

I looked at her nervously as she starred back with a look that lacked any real malice. I exhaled deeply trying to let the nerves go. Guess the gig is up. Here goes nothing… “Trying to find your nail polish,” I admitted sheepishly, face having gone up in flames as I prayed she wouldn't be disgusted with me. 

She quirked her eyebrow up. “My nail polish,” she parroted back, sounding as if she hadn't heard me right.

I nodded. “Your nail polish,” I repeated dumbly.

She silently regarded me for a terrifying moment before uncrossing her arms and slowly approached me, looking as if she had no idea what to make of this admittingly bizarre development. Because there was no way in hell Mike would ever do this. She takes a seat beside me. “Do you want a little help?” She asked cautiously, a tentative peace offering.

“You don’t think it's a little, uh… swishish?” I asked, fearing a spiteful response despite her offer to help. But to my utter amazement, Nancy (the All-American daughter of Ted Wheeler with their Reagan/Bush ‘84 yard sign still sitting proudly out front) simply shook her head, sporting an amused smile. 

“Oh, um, yeah, I guess so. I never found it.” I let out a nervous chuckle as I scratched the back of my head.

“What color are you looking for?” Her shoulders were starting to relax and I was beginning to feel more comfortable. She really wasn’t judging me, I realized. She was just confused. 

“Do you have yellow?”

She hummed thoughtfully. “An interesting choice. Let me go look. If I do, it hasn’t been used in a while. Follow me.” She got up and walked towards the bathroom. Under the sink, she had a little caddy filled with hundreds of different nail polish bottles and all of the materials you could ever need. “Just so you know where they are next time.” She gave me a little smile before digging through her colors.

It took several minutes of searching before she pulled out a bottle called sunflower yellow. It was beautiful. I eagerly grabbed the bottle out of her hand. “Thank you so much, Nancy!” Then I look down at my hands, then to the bottle, and finally back up at Nancy.

Sensing my hesitation, she asked, “Do you want some help?” My jaw went slack. She really wants to help me?

“You wouldn’t mind? Really?” I asked, scarcely believing she not only doesn't mind me painting my nails, she actually wants to help?

“I would be honored, Richie. Is this your first time painting your nails?” I nodded eagerly as she led me back to her room and had me sit in the floor across from her. “Is there a special occasion or are you just wanting to try something new?” My cheeks went a rosy pink color and she chuckled at the embarrassed look on my face. “Look, Richie, after everything we went through – Mike told me he told you – all I care about is that the people most important to me are safe and happy. And since you are now one of those people? If painting your nails makes you happy, then I will paint them every day. If you want someone to talk to about anything, I’ll always be here. No matter what it’s about.” She tells me as she looks up directly in my eyes from where she had grabbed my hand to rub my nails down with alcohol.

It warmed my heart to listen to her round about ways of talking about it. She didn’t want to assume, but she wanted me to know I was safe. “It’s sort of a special occasion I guess.” I gave a half-hearted smile, still a bit uncomfortable, but slowly warming up.

“Well yellow is a very pretty color. You don’t see people wear it often on their nails. It’s a very unique choice – definitely fits your style.” She was smiling big and welcoming at this point. An open invitation. She started the first coat, careful covering each nail in the polish as I tried to sit as still as my ADHD would let me. 

She’s safe, I kept repeating to myself. She’s safe– “His favorite color is yellow.”

Yeah, I may have just blurted that out.

She halted for the slightest second and I thought that I had for sure fucked up. She said I could talk to her about everything , but maybe being gay was crossing a line. But she quickly recovered and dropped her hand that was holding the brush to my knee, rubbing back and forth in comfort as she squeezed my hand with her other hand. “That’s a really sweet gesture. I bet he will love them.”

Oh thank sweet merciful FUCK.

I’m safe here. Safe. At least in this room with Nancy. Here I have one place where I can just be me.

“I went on a date with him tonight,” I blurted out, because I’m now Diarrheamouth. But damn does sharing this feel good! 

“Oh really? How did that go? Did you have fun?” She was calm, collected, and she seemed genuinely interested. I wanted to cry at how accepting she was being. 

“Yeah, I had a lot of fun. He’s pretty special. I umm— I asked him to be my boyfriend.”

“Richie, that's amazing! I mean I’m guessing since you are painting your nails his favorite color that he said yes right?”

“Nope, completely rejected me. Totally thought we were just hanging,” I deadpanned, causing Nancy to freeze immediately and look at me with shock. I was unable to keep a straight face (ba dum tss!), cracking instantly and through a laugh exclaim, “Kidding, kidding! He did.” 

Nancy rolled her eyes, smiling fondly as she swatted me playfully. “I’m so happy for you Richie! Thank you so much for trusting me with this. Think you could bring him around sometime? Even if you can’t introduce him as your boyfriend…” Her face dropped sadly with the realization that I had figured for so long. Being gay isn’t something the parents would just accept. “It’s okay if not. I understand it’s complicated sometimes.”

“You will eventually. He’s just not out yet. Not to his family or even the Party.” Shit. Oh shit. “Wait, shit. I didn’t mean—”

“Richie, it’s okay. I’m not going to say anything to anyone.”

“But that kind of gives away who it is. I mean, everyone else is seeing someone besides Mike and I’m nowhere near narcissistic enough to be a brotherfu-”

She quickly interrupted me and grabbed me by the shoulder, trying to calm me down. “I know, Richie. You don’t have to worry. Your secret is safe with me.” We sat there in silence just stared at each other for a few seconds before she just busted out laughing. “There’s just something about those Byers boys isn’t there?” 

I blinked at her for a moment, then let my face become split with a grin as I joined in on her laughter. “I guess you’d know, huh?”

Just then there was a knock on Nancy’s bedroom door. She looks at me quickly, making sure it’s okay. I give her a nod.  I had a feeling I knew who it was. Quickly I added in, “You can talk about it, but nothing about you know who please.”

She gave me a reassuring smile, “I’ll let you do the talking,” she whispered quietly before yelling toward the door. “Come in!”

Mike opened up the door. “Is everything okay? I heard some loud noises – Oh, Richie, you’re home.” Mike looks puzzled as he stares down at the site of us sitting together from Nancy’s doorway.

“Yeah, I got back about thirty minutes ago. Sorry, we were laughing. I hope we weren’t too loud.” I was trying everything I could to not explode. I really didn’t know how Mike would react if he saw the nails.

“No, no, I was just… checking,” he paused for a second like he was trying to read the room. “Where have you been today?” H ere it comes.

“I just went to the arcade for a while.” It was getting hard to breathe. I couldn’t tell him it was a date. Not until Will is ready. Hell, am I even ready? Nancy guessed immediately who it was. This is Mike’s best friend we are talking about here. Even the slightest of hints will set off an alarm almost a mile away.

“By yourself? I would’ve gone with you.” He gave me a scrunched up face like he knew I was hiding something. And his question seemed more like skepticism than an actual question. 

“Yeah, I know. I just… wanted to just hang out by myself for a bit. Needed some space, ya know? It’s nothing personal, I just miss my days where I spent all day playing Street Fighter at the arcade in Derry. I just wanted to reminisce a little bit.” Nancy caught my eye with the most genuine smile - a small reassurance.

“Oh, okay…” There was a pause for a while like he was searching for the words to say, but the extra questions about the arcade never came. Instead, he changed the topic. “What are you doing in here?” He glanced down to see all of the nail supplies surrounding us.

“Oh umm….” I rushed to make sure my nails were hidden, knowing damn well Nancy would chew me out for ruining her work if they happened to smudge. 

“I was just asking Richie’s advice on what nail polish–” Nancy rushed to fill the silence.

But I interrupted her knowing Mike would question that bullshit. “Nancy was painting my nails,” I sighed. Praying he would just rip the bandaid off with whatever cruel thing was going to come out of his mouth next. 

Yet it never did.

“Oh…” Mike replied quietly and I could practically see the gears turning in his head. “Um… Why is she painting your nails?”

“I caught him searching through my vanity when I got home. He looked like a lost puppy. I just had to give him a hand.” I could see the way Nancy was smiling at me out of the corner of my eyes. She could tell how happy this made me. But I don’t think she registered that he didn’t mean ‘why was she painting your nails’ and really meant ‘why was she painting your nails.’

“Hey, that’s so not what happened!” I saw a little grin peek out on Mike’s face. Maybe there was a chance this would all turn out okay. But I just needed a bit more time. “I was dared… at the arcade. This kid I was playing Street Fighter against made a bet and the…” oh how this pains me to say this, but in the name of keeping the closet firmly shut, we do what we must , “loser had to paint their nails and wear them to school for a day.”

He looked at me like he really didn’t believe my shit, but he also didn’t have a reason not to. He seemed to accept it for what it was. “Would you mind if I joined you guys?” I could tell in his eyes that he didn’t want to overstep. “I’ve kind of missed you tonight, Rich. It’s the first night we haven’t been together since we went to meet you in Derry.” 

You know, if we weren't related, I could kiss him.

I quickly patted the floor beside me. “Come on, take a seat. Nothing like an audience to watch Nancy’s marvelous work. Or what would be marvelous work if I could sit still for a damn minute in my life.” This gets a good laugh out of the entire group.

Nancy had finished up a third coat because of how thin the yellow polish was. Bright yellow colored my nails now. It was a bit weird to see. But a good weird. I really like it and will definitely be asking for her help again.

“They look really good.” Mike’s eyes were wide on me and he held an expression I couldn’t quite make out. It’s like he was searching for something. Maybe internally, maybe externally. I’m not sure. 

“They really do,” Nancy softly agreed, though there was so much more behind her statement than there was to Mike’s. “I’m just going to put all of this back away – under the bathroom sink,” she quickly added. A private reminder to me and an invitation to come back any time.

As Nancy walked back into the bathroom, Mike turned to me and asked, “So…. did you have fun tonight?”

“Of course! I love the arcade.”

“Good. I’m glad you are settling in here.” I really hated small talk. It’s never really been awkward with Mike, but something about this situation makes the room feel so stuffy now. “You seemed upset earlier and I found the tie crumbled up on the floor and…” I couldn’t let him continue down this. I couldn’t say anything that would be a slip up.

Without a word, I stood up and walked out of the room, but I could practically feel him right on my heels following me. “Richie…” Stop, Mike. Just stop while you're ahead. “Dude, you can talk to me! C’mon, I’m sure it’s nothi–”

“You weren’t supposed to know about the tie okay, so just forget about it,” I snapped, cutting him off. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it. Capice?” I couldn’t help the single, bastard tear that betrayed me as it ran down my cheek.

That must have been the only sign Mike needed though, because he finally dropped it.

We got ready for bed in complete silence, sharing awkward stares, and for the first time since we met, it felt like we were on whole different worlds. Did I fuck up by not trusting him? Can I even trust him?

God, I want to trust him.

We both climbed into bed and I could tell Mike seemed like he was trying to piece together some kind of puzzle in his mind. He kept glancing at my nails and then to where the tie still laid crumpled in the middle of the floor. It was almost like he was using them for reference.

Right before I went to turn out the lamp on our night stand, Mike stopped me. “Richie, can I ask you a question?”

I moved my hand back away from the lamp and sat up in bed. Mike followed suit, facing directly at me. “What is it, Mike?” I felt bad that my tone seemed as annoyed as it came off as, but I had a scary suspicion that this was Mike’s persistence and stubbornness at play.

“Are you— umm, are you gay?”

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

Chapter Text

Broken Barriers

Chapter 11 | Mike's POV

“Are you— umm, are you gay?” I blubbered out in one long, nearly incoherent word.

I don’t know what prompted me to ask. I really don’t. Well, maybe I did (Richie didn't exactly scream Steven Seagal manly man. Not that I did, but I have a girlfriend! Well, had). But it wasn’t a rational decision and it sure as hell wasn’t a thought out one. Richie hadn’t been home all night and I went to find him with Nancy. I felt left out. Why didn’t I get invited in? Hell, I had been begging him to let me in all day. And not just into her stupid room either. But to let me in personally. I couldn’t understand why he he was so insistent on keeping up his fucking barbred wired Great Wall of China sized defenses and instead just talk to me.

I mean, isn't that what brothers do? Talk?

So yeah, maybe a stupid question slipped out of my mouth before I was able to stop it. Maybe I just ruined every possible chance I had of getting close to him. Maybe I am an asshole (Well, to be fair, my track record says I am). Maybe he would never want to speak to me again. But, I had worked myself up for a conversation I’d been dreading all day and I apparently am way too stubborn to just drop it.

So, as I sat there staring at the bewildered face of my brother across from me, I watched just about every emotion cross his face. They… were not good ones as he contemplated whatever it was someone was actually supposed to respond with to such a blunt question. Though I supposed to him it probably came off more as an accusation. It took him a good minute to process, just sitting there staring at me with his jaw slack. I bit my lip, starting to get worried, as the seconds continued to tensely and awkwardly drag out. 

Finally, he took what felt like a neverending sigh and fell back onto the bed. He laid there with his arms wrapped around himself protectively for what felt like a further eternity. But, eventually, he found his words. “Yes, Mike,” he huffed, cringing as he did. “I’m gay…” My jaw dropped. “Are you happy to know your brother is a giant fag?” Oh nevermind.

“...um, fuck – okay, you actually… oh.” Cause what in the everliving fuck  am I supposed to do or say about this?!

He laughed incredulously without a trace of humor  “Yeah, ‘oh’. It’s what I am, Micheal,” he spit my name venomously. “It’s what I always have been. It’s what I always will be. It’s what I’ve been called all my life and will be for the rest of it. So why not call myself that?” He shrugs. “Everyone else already does.”

My mind immediately flashed to every time Troy or James or anyone else hurled that insult at me or Will. I remembered how much it hurt even if I wasn’t one and how much it clearly hurt Will who I was pretty sure secretly was. I especially remember hearing Lonnie call him that, and how it would leave Will a devastated wreck afterwards where nothing I could seemingly do would cheer him up. And even if he was… that; I didn't want him calling himself one.

“Because you shouldn’t call yourself that! You don’t think I’ve been called one too?” I was trying so hard not to yell. 

The laugh that escaped him this time bordered on the edge of insane. “Oh my fucking god, I must be hysterical. It’s different. So, so stupidly different. How in the fuck do you not realize that?” He was sitting back up now and there was no way we weren’t waking everyone in the house up. 

I sat there in silence because again what am I actually supposed to say? Apparently silence was the wrong answer.

He rolled his eyes and continued on, “The difference is that the word means nothing to you because it doesn’t actually apply to you. It’s just some stupid insult. To me, it means everything. To the world, that fucking word is what I am! Don’t you understand that?”

“I’m not here to call you a slur!” I finally shouted, trying to get my point across. And to this day I will deny the tears that were welling up in my eyes, but for fucks sake how could I get him to understand that I didn’t hate him? He flinched like I had just shot him before I watched his shoulders untense. “I’m here because I’m your brother and I care about you, ok?  And yeah, maybe I’m a fucking idiot for asking that question and basically forcing you to…” I stumbled trying to find the words, and maybe (though I would never admit it) sniffled.

“Out myself?” He asked in a significantly calmer voice with the slightest huff of a laugh.

“Yes, thank you. I shouldn’t have forced you to ‘out yourself,’ but what was I supposed to do? I was trying to be here for you all day and you wouldn’t let me! And maybe I don’t understand everything that comes with having a gay brother…” I waved my hands around in the air to emphasize. All Richie could do was pull tighter into himself and avert his eyes practically shamefully. “FUCK. Sorry, see this is what I mean. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and 90% of the time, words just spew out of my mouth before my brain even acknowledges what I’m thinking. I might not be great at this, but you’re gay and so what?”

“You’re literally the one that asked, dipshit!” But the laugh that followed, while maybe not exactly mirthful, was definitely far less hollow.

“I deserve that one…” I got up off of my own bed and joined Richie, wrapping my arms around him. “I’m sorry for being a dipshit and I want you to know that I would never call you that. I’m not going to hate you for being gay.”

“Why?” he whispered back, sounding almost confused.

I shrugged as I continued to embrace him. “Seen and been through some real shit, ya know? Kinda puts things in perspective.”

“Like gateways to Hell filled with monsters?”

I chuckled a bit. “Yeah. And I can assure you that particular Devil didn’t give a fuck if you took it in the ass.”

It was crass, I knew, but Richie was – and still is – a crass individual and responds very well to it. Especially when moments were becoming very deep. But at the time it was a shot in the dark attempt to lighten the mood and appeal to his ‘Trashmouth’ personality and you can’t imagine my relief when he barked out a genuine laugh in response.

I grinned happily at that, reveling in the feeling of success before remembering I was on a bit of a mission here. I hardened my expression, even if he couldn't see it, and in my firmest voice told him, “Rich, I won't sit here and pretend I understand the how’s and why’s of bein’ gay and all, but I will never hate you for it. I promise. It’s – it’s not wrong, just… different. Like the rest of you,” I told him with a lightly teasing tone at the end.

“I’ve spent my whole life being told it is,” he admitted in response, his voice sounding disbelieving at the turn of events before shaking his head, his curls tickling  my nose and almost causing me to sneeze. I held it though. “I’m sorry that I lumped you in with everyone else,” he sighed in resignation before continuing. “Fear will do that to you.”

“But… I thought–”

“Clowns? I couldn’t just tell you. I wasn’t ready to come out. Hell, I don’t know that I would have ever mentioned it now if you didn’t ask. I – fuck…” He ran his fingers back through his hair.

“What did It actually show you, Rich?” I felt the blood draining from my face as I asked. For something to know such a fear. I mean, is anything really a secret?

“I – I  saw a few things. First, I saw my own missing posters and a doll of myself in a casket. My own death if you will. And then It realized that didn’t scare me enough.” 

“You are scared to die?” I scrunched up my face in confusion. Who am I kidding though? Death doesn’t exactly sound peachy.

“Georgie had gone missing and I watched kid after kid in our school disappear with not a care in the world from our town. No one gave a shit and it really put into perspective just how little we mean to this world. I wasn’t ready to just be forgotten. And deep down, maybe it was more than that. The constant blabbing Eddie did going on and on about the fucking AIDS epidemic, not knowing…” he paused trying to stop himself from continuing that thought. “So then It showed me Eddie dying, which almost broke me. But I knew it wasn’t real because he was in the house with us.”

“In the house with you?”  

“Yeah, Bill made us walk through that fucking crackhead house that It lived in and he really did some fucked up shit. Eddie dropped from the second story and broke his arm. I set it back into place and everything. We couldn’t see Eddie for a week after that.” 

“Shit…”

He looked somber as he continued on, “Yeah… Finally, It confronted me about my sexuality. No one else knew at that point besides Beverly and—” He squeezed his eyes shut like he could will himself away. “C–Con– Fuck, I’m worse than Bill. Conner!” He spit out with what sounded like relief. “His cousin outed me in front of the entire arcade. Fucking Bowers.”

“Conner? You’ve never mentioned him.”

“Yeah, he was my… he was my boyfriend in Derry. The one and only. Except he was too in the closet and had too much internalized homophobia for anything big to even come from it. The day Henry caught us in the arcade was the end of it.”

We sat there in silence for a minute. I knew I shouldn’t have asked. Hell, he probably didn’t even know that I noticed that day. But there was something about that last day in Derry that just had me thinking. “What about Eddie?”

He gave me an incredulous look. “How did you–?” he shook his head, deciding ‘how’ was irrelevant. “Nothing ever happened between us,” he spit out quickly. I raised a brow at him and maybe I was pushing it too far, but it didn’t seem like it was nothing. He rolled his eyes and continued. “At least not romantically anyways. Yes, I was in love with him, but I was too scared of what would happen. I hid my feelings for years and–” he took a deep breath as if the thought pained him. “Apparently he did too. We didn’t admit it until that day in the club house. But it was too late. I was leaving.” His eyes were tearing up again. “I don’t want to talk about Eddie anymore. I just… can’t.” 

“You’ll find someone, Richie. There’s someone out there that will make you happy someday.” I squeezed him just a little tighter.

A boisterous, if disbelieving, laugh escaped him. “A man can hope, Miguel. A man can hope.” I could physically feel him relaxing into my hug. “What made you ask tonight? Was I really that obvious?”

“Obvious? No, I’m just a fucking genius detective. A regular Sherlock Holmes!” I laughed out, which earned me a rightfully hard elbow off the bed. 

“Fine then, Sherlock Holmes. What were your clues?” He asked, seemingly amused by my accusation as his head popped over the side his bed to smirk down at me. 

I pushed myself up off the ground and started pacing around the room. “Elementary, my dear Watson. First you seemed to be stressed out this morning. You were basically biting my head off the moment I walked in the door. And don’t even get me started on how bad you were sweating. And you barely even acknowledged Mom and Dad before you bolted out the door.”

“I don’t see how that is incriminating?” He rolled his eyes at me.

“That inherently isn’t, but I’m not finished. Second, I walked back up to our room after mom gave me a horrible scolding. Don’t even get me started on how stupid that was that you just got to leave and I had to stay and get yelled at. But, when I made it back up to the room,” I leaned over to pick up the wrinkled tie that barely hid from view under my bed. “I found my black tie crumpled up on the floor. I haven’t worn that thing since one of those stupid Snowball dances in middle school.”

“Okay and?” He still seemed skeptical, which meant he wasn’t catching on.

“You were flustered and were trying to dress up. That meant you had a date.” I couldn’t help the smug grin that spread across my face.

“Fuck you! But, that doesn’t mean I went on a date with a guy .” 

“You’re right, but you just now confirmed it.”

“As if the ‘yes I’m gay’ statement didn’t already confirm it!”

“ That confirmed you were gay. This confirms it was a date,” I said astutely. And man I had never felt smarter in my life. “But anyways… third, I walked in on you getting your finger nails painted.” Richie sent a glare my way and I threw my hands up in surrender. “Hey, no judgment from me! Just stating facts. Ew, I need to stop hanging around Erica so much!”

“You mean Lucas’s little sister?” He looked disgusted. “Isn’t she like 12?”

“She’s almost 14!” I said a little too quickly, cringing at both that and at the fact that I even knew that. But hypothetically, she is my best friend’s little sister which makes her like a sister to me and she did kinda help us save the world twice and she was the youngest member Hellfire has ever seen, so sue me for knowing how old she is.

“I don’t even want to talk about how you know that.”

“Dustin is even closer with her!” I protested as if throwing our friend under the bus would actually misdirect the firing from myself. 

“I— actually… huh, okay. I can actually see it,” he contemplated and the largest smile spread across his face. 

“No! No, we aren’t doing that. We aren’t going to play matchmaker for Dustin! Especially when he isn’t even here to give his own opinions.”

“Fine, we can talk about your love life then since you’ve picked and prodded through mine!’ Richie laughed.

That idea sounded like a tragedy. I had just broken up with the only girl I had ever been with and I couldn’t even tell her that I loved her. Yep, that’s totally the stuff you mention to your brother. “How did you know you were gay?” I asked, as I returned to my spot beside him on the bed. And thinking back on it now, I should have been as surprised as I was for his reaction.

He looked stunned for a second. “I– uh Mike, are you?” It seemed like every single detail was running through his head at a rapid pace.

It felt like I had just been hit by a truck with the implication he made. “What?! No, I had a girlfriend, Richie! I’m not gay! I’m just asking.” Everything felt fuzzy and not in a good way. Look, I don’t care that Richie is gay. But I’m not into penis!

Okay, maybe that reaction was a bit over the top judging by Richie’s face. 

“Had? Look, if you are questioning things, that’s fine. But dude, that was a fucking weird way to bring that up and react.”

I groaned, placing my face in my hands. I felt so guilty. Also stupid. But mostly guilty. I really was ruining this. All of it. This was going at least somewhat well before and I just keep saying things to fuck it up.

Thankfully, Richie just chuckled at me and took some pity. “Well, if you really want to know umm— I guess the first time I realized I like a boy was Eddie – shocking, I know. We spent all of our time together, even when it was just the original four in the Losers Club. Before the summer we met Bev, Ben, and Mike. Before It. I guess I’ve just always felt a stronger connection to him than my other friends. But I didn’t realize it was actually a crush at the time. I just always considered him my best friend. I wanted to make him laugh and annoy him. I wanted him to be happy and I was really obnoxious about it. All of the other Losers knew before I did, I think. Especially Bev. She was the one that called me out on that shit.”

“So Bev told you that you liked boys because of the way you were acting around Eddie?” 

“No! No, no, no. She asked, in private of course, if I had feelings for Eddie. I told her it wasn’t like that because guys aren’t supposed to like guys; he’s just my best friend; etcetera, etcetera. She of course didn’t believe me, but she dropped it. At the time, I truly believed what I said about myself. But then I met Conner. He was so different from Eddie. He was new in Derry. His family moved in to be closer to their extended family. He was the first guy I noticed I had a crush on. We would spend countless hours at the arcade together. The way he would look at me gave me butterflies and he was one of the few people that could make me speechless. After I realized that it wasn’t just Eddie, I started to accept myself.”

It sounded so complicated. I always thought he knew. I thought he was so confident with himself. Well, he is now, but just a few years ago... “So the confirmation that you liked more than one guy is what helped you realize you were gay?”

“Close!” He let out a laugh. Why does it have to be so complicated? “That let me know I was interested in guys.”

“That means you are gay though doesn’t it?”

“No, because I still had to rule out women.” I could feel my eyes going wide and it left Richie giggling. My cheeks were burning red.

“Rule out women?”

“Mike, you know you can be attracted to men and women right?” He blinked at me a few times like I was crazy for not knowing this.

“Ummm, no?” I said, but it definitely slipped out as more of a question than a statement.

“It’s called bisexual,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“That’s a thing? Like there’s actually a name for it? You’re not just… horny?” Realization sank through my body. A wall I didn’t even know I had in the back of my mind started cracking. But with the realization that liking both was possible, the wall came crashing down and everything hit me like the floodgates opened.

Richie busted out laughing at that, so much so that he actually hunched over and clutched his gut. “HORNY!?” he exclaimed, probably a little too loudly and causing me to cringe. “Oh my fucking God, Mike. That's the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and I’m the king of saying dumb shit!”

I felt my ears burn with embarrassment as I crossed my arms in annoyance and pouted. “Hey, I’m trying to learn here! It’s not like there's a course on all this shit!”

Richie wiped his eyes, a few more chuckles escaping him. “I know, I know. And you absolutely get a gold star for trying. But that was great. I really needed that.” He coughed, clearing his throat and fighting to keep his smile in check as I just glared at him, silently demanding he just hurry up and finish correcting me in my ignorant ways.

“Alright, alright, keep your panties on, sheesh! But, yes, it’s a thing. But trust me when I say this, I have no attraction to women whatsoever. I just want to puke every time I think about the day I kissed Bev. I mean she’s gorgeous right? So if I liked women, then there would definitely be something there. Nope. Never again. Women are not for me.” This time we both laughed,  enjoying the shared amusement for a moment.

And with that blatant reminder of what we were really talking about, I felt my body go a bit rigid as we sat there in what would be assumed as a comfortable silence. It was anything but. My mind was racing through all of the details. Bisexual? I ran over the word in my head multiple times, feeling it out like I was test driving a car or some shit. People can really like both? How the hell can people be attracted to both? It’s not just some switch that gets flipped?

But there’s no way that I actually could be… right? I only ever dated El. I dated her for four whole years. El is a girl. I like women. Boobies are nice. Check!

Okay, but why couldn’t you tell her you loved her? ‘From Mike, from Mike, from Mike…’ A tiny voice in the back of my mind supplied me.

Fuck you! I’m seventeen. How the fuck am I supposed to know what love is?

Your parents got married at eighteen dimwit. 

Okay… so maybe not check? Maybe I don’t like women? But I’m not attracted to men, am I? 

I tried to run through my head the plot of The Empire Strikes Back. My mind instantly takes me to Princess Leia. Her beautiful, curly brown hair, not unsimilar to El’s. And they are both powerful women. Right! See, I have a type. A girl who can kick my ass.

But my mind betrayed me when I thought of her kiss with Luke Skywalker. After eight years of watching the movie with the Party, I realized for the first time that I was jealous of Leia (And not because it was her fucking brother, you sick bastards!). Jealous that she was the one getting to kiss— no, stop . 

And Luke had always been my favorite character. But not because I wanted to be him with his cool lightsaber and savior complex (okay, maybe I did base my DnD character off of him a bit… you can admit Luke would totally be a paladin too!), but because I just enjoyed looking at him. He reminded me of—

I felt like alarm bells were going off in my head. Turn away! Go back! Danger! 

But Richie’s voice cut through it all. If you would have told me he was reading my thoughts and actually repeated what he said earlier, I would have believed you. That’s how clear his words broke through. “I guess I’ve just always felt a stronger connection to him than my other friends. But I didn’t realize it was actually a crush at the time. I just always considered him my best friend. I wanted to make him laugh and annoy him. I wanted him to be happy and I was really obnoxious about it.”

That’s how you are with Will.

As if my mind hadn’t already betrayed me enough, to supply the actual thought I had been trying so hard to avoid was the nail in the coffin. 

No! No, that’s not true. I begged for it not to be true. 

You were so protective over him. You wanted to die when you thought you would never see him again. All those sleepovers together without Dustin and Lucas? You always put Will above the others. Will is your Eddie. You like Will.

“Oh shit…” And fuck, did I just say that out loud?

In the midst of freaking out, I hadn’t realized just how long Richie had been watching me. “Mike, are you okay? Your face is really white right now.”

I felt like the entire weight of the world was crushing my chest. I took a long, deep breath, working up the last little bit of courage I had in me. “I umm— yeah, I don’t know– I just didn’t know that was a thing…”

“Look at me Mike. You don’t have to understand yourself or even label yourself–”

“I’m not gay, Richie!” I huffed out. I don’t even know what to think. Hell, I physically couldn’t think at that point.

“Okay, let’s just get some sleep. It’s already late and the Party is coming over tomorrow.” I tried not to hear the worry in his voice. He patted my leg and I took that as my cue to get up and move back to my bed. As he turned out the lamp, my mind was running a million miles a minute. So much for sleep.

Chapter Text

A Coming of Age Tale

Chapter 12 | Will's POV

Okay, Will. You can do this. These are your friends. They’ve literally seen you at your worst. They didn’t run away when you were on the verge of death. They didn’t run away when you were possessed. And they didn't run away when you told them you actually kinda like New Kids on the Block. Why would they run away now?

You know exactly why. That dark voice in the back of my head supplied.

I paced back and forth on the Wheelers front porch as I tried to talk myself into walking in the door and breaking down the barriers I had erected so long ago. The barriers that shielded my heart from this often cold, cruel world. The barriers that have only just recently started to crack. But they need to know. They need to hear it from me before Troy beats me to it. 

The Party was downstairs in the basement waiting for me to make it back from Family Video. It was my turn to pick a movie and with Halloween coming up, everyone was really excited to watch the new Beetlejuice movie. It also gave Richie and me a bit of an excuse to get everyone together and calm the nerves before jumping them with this news. 

Those three simple words that made me sick to my stomach to think about telling anyone. Especially the group of people that have been such a big part of my life for so long. On one hand, I want to think that these are the people I trust most in the world with this information. On the other hand, if I lose these people, who do I have left?

You have Richie…

But at what cost?

If anyone happened to look out the window, I would have probably looked like a crazy person, pacing and talking to myself. 

With a deep breath, I pulled myself together and clutched onto the VHS tape like it was a lifeline. As I walked through the front door, I caught sight of Richie and Mike grabbing snacks in the kitchen. Richie gave me a reassuring smile and a wink that left me flustering to push the blush back down before Mike would inevitably notice. 

Mike. Who just so happened to be the biggest problem about tonight. 

I really didn’t know how he would take it. He was about to hear three things that could change everything. Not only is his best friend gay, but so is his brother, oh and they just happen to be dating each other. 

Fuck. This is gonna go just peachy, isn't it?

It took everything in me not to physically roll my eyes at my own sarcasm.

“Finally back from Robin’s clutches at that dreamland of a job, Sir William?” Richie quipped up, earning a scowl from Mike as he obviously became too distracted to finish helping with the snacks.

I held up the tape with a smile. 

I had to beg Robin to skip the hold line in order to get it for tonight and luckily it was returned earlier that day. It only took a bit of bribery and convincing that I was in dire need before she gave me a knowing look and tacked on, “Fine! Anything for my Baby Byers. But you owe me! This could get me fired, you know.” 

“I could kiss you Buckley!” I yelled over my shoulder as I turned hurriedly to make the trek back to the Wheelers.

“I would really rather you not. You can keep your cooties to yourself. Plus you’re not quite my type.” 

Without even thinking, I had shot back a quick, “Don’t worry, you’re not mine either.” I then straightened up immediately, realizing my out of character error and hoped she didn’t take it the way I had actually been thinking it. She gave me a quizzical look before shrugging her shoulders.

“Bring it back tomorrow, you hear me Byers? I’m not letting a favor put my ass on the line. And I’d like to hear what you think about it if you have the time. I heard the lead is a real hottie!” 

I laughed quietly to myself, but the smile was a bit harder to hide. That was when I noticed Mike wasn’t in the room anymore and Richie stood much closer, almost directly in front of me, looking a touch concerned.

“Where did you just go?” He prodded, looking almost like a curious labrador. Which, come to think of it, was totally the type of dog he’d be. Or a chihuahua. You know, cause he never shuts up.

“What do you mean, Rich? I’ve been right here.” I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked up at him.

“I meant here, dork,” he laughed, tapping the side of my head.

“Oh, I was just thinking about Robin.” My smile turned soft and this time I actually let the laugh leave my lips.

“Will, you scoundrel! Are you going to make me start fighting for your affection now?” he scoffed with little to no bite.

“Eh, I did say I could kiss her for getting us this,” I quipped, shrugging nonchalantly as I held the tape up again. “But don’t worry, she said I’m not ‘her type’. Apparently I never stood a chance in the competition with the lead.” Richie’s face twisted up like he was trying to solve a puzzle before he finally cocked his head to the side with consideration. I could see the moment everything clicked. “What?” I asked him incredulously. He simply shook his head with a laugh and turned to grab the cooler Mike had left for him to grab. Knowing Mike, it was a punishment for having to do the last bit of preparations on his own. I, however, stood there feeling like I was being left out of an inside joke.

Following Richie who lugged down the cooler without question, I finally brought down the large bowl of popcorn. As I was sitting it on the table, I heard El from across the room. “You’re wearing nail polish?” If I didn’t know El as well as I did, I would have mistaken her confusion for disgust. I quickly whipped around to see why she was criticizing Max for her choice in nail color, only to realize that Max wasn’t the person she was asking.

It was Richie.

Max perked up at this. “El, who are you talking about? We are the only two gir—”

“Mind your own business, Maxine!” Mike replied way too defensively that it almost gave me whiplash. I glanced in his direction only to see his face burning red, which was a revelation I would catalog for later, before turning back to see a proud look on Richie’s face. And somehow I felt like I was five chapters behind to understanding what the hell was happening.

Max apparently took his outburst the wrong way. “Michael Wheeler is wearing nail polish! Oh my god. This is too good.” She was laughing in a way that both felt like she was making fun of him, yet held no real fury.

“It’s not—” El started, before Mike interrupted again.

“I can wear nail polish if I fucking want to Maxine!” Seeming to know where El was going with her statement and for some reason taking the fall for Richie. And that’s when it finally hit me that Richie actually had his nails painted. Something about that made me feel a bit warmer inside. Confused as hell. But warmer nonetheless.

“I never said you couldn’t,” She said with a shrug. “I just didn’t realize you were into that kind of thing.” 

Mike silently turned toward El and held up a middle finger to her before walking over to me and snatching the movie out of my hand. He shoved it aggressively into the player and plopped down on his normal spot on the couch. The dramatic bastard.

Great… Mike Wheeler was already in a pissy mood. And everyone knows the hot-head needed a solid 7-10 business days to calm back down.

Awkwardly, (mostly because we had no other choice since the movie was already starting) we all made our way to our spots around the basement. Richie sat down in the middle of the couch, giving Mike a tight squeeze on the knee in what I could only assume was a silent thank you. Mike glanced up with a tight-lipped smile that felt more fond than it looked. I followed suit, sitting on the other side of Richie, trying my best to keep an ample distance between us. For now. El joined Max on the loveseat, where Lucus was currently sitting between her legs on the floor. And Dustin sprawled out on a beanbag, hogging the entire popcorn bowl to himself.

As I got comfy, I felt a pair of eyes on me. I looked over, seeing Mike giving me a quizzical look. He jerked his head, silently asking me why I was over there instead of next to him. I responded with an awkward shrug and indicated towards the tv, where the movie was beginning. Mike frowned at me, clearly disappointed, and I felt a stab of guilt as I broke eye contact.

Fuck this was gonna be so hard…

I watched as the credits rolled through slowly, making each second feel longer and longer, and yet closer and closer to the moment everyone would know. I didn’t even realize I was shaking until I felt the couch dip beside me. I quickly turned to see Richie turned around backwards trying to yank the blanket off the back of the couch, followed by an annoyed glare from Mike.

Any other day, I would have just chalked it up to Richie’s inability to sit still. But this was different. I watched with meticulous detail, completely abandoning the movie that was meant as a distraction. It was doing a shit job anyway. Gently, he laid the blanket out in his lap and curled his lanky legs up underneath.

“Will you sit still already?” Mike hissed, which only made me chuckle.

I turned my gaze back to the screen. Even if it was doing a terrible job at distracting me from my thoughts, I still did want to watch the movie. And I had to have something to tell Robin when I took the movie back. And this was all just a distraction so that I could come out to my friends wasn’t really on the agenda.

But I nearly jumped out of my seat when I felt the brush of a finger against my own. Playing it off as readjusting the way my legs were curled up underneath me, I turned to look at Richie with a more than obvious fear in my eyes. It screamed what if we get caught .

He leaned over, so close to my ear that I could feel the tingling of breath as he whispered, “That’s what the blanket is for.” It could have been taken for a haughty reply and he seemed to realize that wasn’t the best response as he leaned back in. “Will, you’re kinda shaking.” This time he fully grabbed my head and interlaced our fingers as if it were their home.

Suddenly, it wasn’t just shaking. My entire body felt like it was buzzing.

“Byers!” Dustin called from the floor below.

Shit. Did he see? Is this how this is all going to go down?  

I tried to pull my hand away from Richie’s, but he only held on tighter. “What?” I managed to cough out, but it was two octaves higher than normal and I winced just hoping he didn’t notice.

“You didn’t tell us your mom was on the big screen!” He laughed with a shit eating grin. Confused, I glanced back at the TV only to find a woman who looked way too familiar.

“Oh my god! It does look like Joyce!” Lucas joined in like this was a massive revelation. “A really young Joyce, but definitely makes me think of her!”

“Oh she is hot!” Richie added in with a smug grin, that was followed by a confused look from Mike. But the way he said it didn’t feel like he was agreeing with Dustin and Lucas. No, he was… oh my god.

Mike smacked Richie on the arm. “That’s Will’s mother you’re kinda talking about. Gross!”

Richie raised his hands up in surrender. “I was only claiming that the actress is hot. If she looks kinda like a teenage Joyce then who am I to judge? I mean, she did create Will and I think we can all agree that he is hot, too.” It felt like I was riding down an avalanche of emotions, drowning in rapids, tumbling without cause or the ability to stop myself. Did Richie really just say that out loud? 

“I— she’s not— what?” I started, but the words seemed to get stuck in my throat. Even El was able to laugh at the joke. Why couldn’t I get the words to form?

I looked up to Richie who’s eyes seemed to be wider than those stupid glasses had ever made them look. Great. Even he knew he fucked up with that slip up. It was the blush littering both Richie and Mike’s faces at the statement that left me feeling a little woozy. But the daggers Mike was glaring in the back of Richie’s head might’ve been the icing on the cake for this shit show. This just happened to be the key that snapped me out of the paralyzing state I was in though.

I quickly jumped up and ran up the stairs, not stopping until I made my way to Mike and Richie’s room. I just had to get out of there. I couldn’t wait to hear what everyone had to say.

I pressed my back against the door and slowly sank to the ground. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. The ringing sound in my ears felt almost deafening. Everything felt like too much and not enough at the same time.

There were two solid knocks on the door and I froze.

No! No one can see me like this. I don’t know how to explain. How am I supposed to tell everyone now?

“Will, it’s me. Are you okay?”

Richie.

Instantly, I felt the tight coil around my heart lessen the slightest bit, but I couldn’t find the words to respond.

“Can you respond so that I know you are okay?” He asked gently, almost begging. I squeezed my eyes tightly and tried to let out a deep breath. “How about this…” he knocked on the door twice, “two knocks means you are okay and I will sit out here and wait for you.” He knocked once again. “One knock means you aren’t okay and I will come in to help. And well, if you don’t knock, I guess I just have to assume you are dead and need to start making funeral arrangements. What do you think I will look best in? Oh, what screams windowed housewife more; a black veil with a giant, poofy sun hat or a bright red lip and a tight dress?”

And despite my panic, I snorted. God, how was he so good at that?

It took me a second to think of how best to respond. Was I okay? I wasn’t sure. Everything felt like it was too much and breathing was more difficult than it should be. But I also wasn’t dying. It wasn’t in physical pain. Hell, this was all in my head and I should realistically be able to make it stop, right? So why wasn’t I? Why was I doing this to myself? I really just needed Richie.

I knocked once.

And then, thinking that would scare him, I quickly followed it with two more solid knocks just as Richie started pushing against the door. Right… I was in the way. With the little bit of strength I had, I pushed myself to the side, just far enough for Richie to be able to squeeze through the door.

“Ah, the secret third option, I see? Did you really want to see me that ba—” He froze when he finally made it into the room and could see me and grimaced probably involuntarily.

And fuck, maybe I wasn’t as ok as I thought (hoped?).

Richie plopped himself down beside me as he leaned his head on my shoulder and intertwined our fingers once more. We sat in silence for several minutes as the buzzing in my body slowly turned to nothingness. Everything I was feeling on such high alert turned into complete void. I’m honestly not sure which was worse. But everything felt heavy and my body ached.

“Fuck… I’m sorry, Will.” It was so quiet, barely a whisper. “I didn’t mean to… well, I don’t even know what exactly, but, God, why can’t I learn to just keep my giant, stupid mouth shut. I always fuck everything up. You deserve so much better than—” I squeezed his hand tightly twice.

I am okay.

Richie looked up at me with glistening, apologetic eyes and I gently leaned my forehead against his. The words still wouldn’t come out, but maybe this was enough. Maybe if I thought hard enough, he would somehow hear them. Maybe, just maybe, he could understand. Maybe we both could. I was freaking out, drowning in a sea of anxiety and he was holding the rope that was saving me as he stood in a sinking ship. We might both die trying, but at least I knew he was willing to go down with me. And for now, that was enough. It had to be enough.

I could have been minutes or hours – time honestly kinda lost its meaning in that moment. But the tiniest detail finally returned to my mind from the void. That’s how I found my first words being “So, you have the same taste as Robin?” It made me want to laugh so bad it hurt and Richie looked at me as if I grew a second head.

Richie barked out a hysterical laugh. “Will, I can assure you, Robin and I have very opposite tastes.”

As the laughter died out, the calm seemed to wash over the both of us. “It’s nice, you know… knowing that we aren’t alone.”

Richie scrunched his face up in a curious confusion for the briefest second, before leaning over to tussle my hair. He stood quickly and reached a hand out to help me up. “You aren’t alone, Will. Even if we are the only two fruits in this entire orchard, you’ll never be alone.”

This is enough. He is enough.

Without a second thought, I surged forward and harshly connected our lips like it was a lifeline. And maybe it was. Maybe it always would be. Maybe we both would drown in it all, but at least we would go out together. Because in that moment, nothing felt more like home than my lips against his. 

That was until everything came crashing down.

As I slowly pulled away, urging the bliss of the moment not to leave me alone with my rushing thoughts, I noticed the door was hanging wide open. But it wasn’t just an empty hallway staring us down. No, because of course it wouldn’t have been that simple. Of course everything had to go to shit. Every good moment I could ever have in my life would be ruined by my famously rotten Byers luck.

Because I had locked eyes with Micheal Wheeler. 

I was unable to move. Hazel eyes meeting brown with a stare I hoped to never be on the other end of. A look that had never been reserved for me, yet I had seen defile his face a hundred times before. A look of pure hurt and anger. A look of betrayal. No words were said, but who needed them when I could see the tears in his eyes. 

Fuck my actual life. 

Richie turned to look in the direction my gaze was glued to. His eyes went huge when he realized that his brother was staring directly at us. But after the brief moment of shock, Richie’s eyes surprisingly held no fear as he raked over Mike’s trembling form. No, there was a bizarre look of understanding there. And I wanted nothing more than to scream for someone to help me understand what had happened between these two. The two people I would say I know best in this world: my best friend and my (secret) boyfriend. But as they stood there staring at one another, having a silent conversation with just their eyes, I never felt more like a stranger.

“Mike…” Richie prodded hesitantly, sounding like someone trying not to spook a rabbit.

That seemed to be the key to unlocking the standstill of time between us and Mike’s ability to move. And as Mike turned heel and practically bolted from the room, I wanted nothing more than to do the same. But not to follow him. All I wanted to do was run away. From this room, from this house, from my problems, from this life.

All I could think about is how fast he ran away the moment he realized who his best friend really was. What his best friend was. And even worse, what his brother was:  A fucking…

Fag…

As levels of hurt I don’t think I’ve felt since that unspoken of summers day in Mike’s garage as the rain pounded shingles above us and the pavement just outside swelled up inside me, stabbing my heart and lungs like Jason or Michael Meyers would one of their victims, I couldn't help but scream at myself for stupid I was to only think about myself. That this was Richie’s brother. A new, somewhat still fragile relationship that was still trying to bridge the chasm that was formed by their separation at birth. Strangers reunited and now likely splintering again. 

Oh, fuck… Richie… 

I hadn’t even realized I was following in tow behind Richie as he chased after Mike until I was standing in the garage, watching as Mike was getting on his bike with tears in his eyes before we caught back up to him. And if this didn’t seem like some sick, twisted, cruel ass joke by the universe? I don’t know what was.

I couldn’t do this right now. I couldn’t look my best friend in the eyes as he ended the 12 years of friendship we had endured. It might have been rocky from time to time, but nothing we hadn’t been able to repair. Well… until now. This didn’t feel fixable. That look he gave me didn’t feel like something I could come back from. But Richie’s arms were around him in a hug he couldn’t escape from. It was grounding him so that he couldn’t keep running. And how could he actually be hugging him after all of that? What could he see that I couldn’t? All I wanted to do was cry.

“Mike, please… Please don’t run away. Just… just talk to me,” Richie begged through his own freshly falling tears.

“I want to be alone,” Mike coughed out in a choked voice that made me close off even more. He doesn’t want to be around you. But his shoulders sagged into Richie’s hug the longer he was there.

“If this is about last night, I’m sorry. We can talk about this.” Last night? What the hell did I miss?

With that, Mike’s shoulders seemed to tighten again and he shrugged out of Richie’s hold. “There’s nothing to talk about, Richie. Just… tell me how long. No more secrets.” And as if the pain finally hit him, he screamed out, “Please, no more secrets!”

Richie huffed a sigh. “Since we met. Since that game of spin the bottle,” he answered honestly.

“You fucking mean right after you tried to kiss Eddie?” He was pissed. 

Eddie? Eddie as in Derry Eddie? Oh god…

“Mike, he asked me to. It didn’t mean anything at first—” And fuck did those words hurt after everything. “But after that kiss, everything changed. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He scrambled to fix it, but this shit show of a train had already left the station and none of this felt like something we could come back from. I couldn’t tell who he was trying to convince more, me or Mike.

“What? Is he your boyfriend now or something?” The venom in his voice seethed.

“Yeah, umm— as of last night.” Richie said sheepishly as he reached up to scratch the back of his neck.

“So you fucking lied to me too!” Mike’s voice cracked out. But those words weren’t filled with anger, only hurt.

“Mike, no! I didn’t lie. I didn’t want to hurt Will by telling people before he was ready. That’s what tonight was for. We were going to tell everyone until Will had a fucking panic attack. So I’m sorry I went off to try and console my boyfriend, but this stuff isn’t exactly easy to talk about so don’t blame him for freaking out. Hell, I’m freaking out too! But, someone here has to stay strong and I’d rather it be me. You know he’s already going to be outed to the whole school come Monday morning because of fucking Troy. It’s going to break him. I just wanted to protect him!” It was the first time I had ever really seen Richie crack. The entire nonchalant facade came tumbling down. No more jokes. No more trash talk. These were the words of someone who was struggling just as much as I was. These were the words of someone who wasn’t just breaking, but who was already broken.

“I’m his best friend and you are my brother Richie! What the hell are you protecting him from? What do you think I really would have done?”

“Well, you are freaking out right now…” It was barely a mumble, but the shot still landed.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care if you are gay! I don’t care if Will is gay. And honestly, I don’t care if you two like each other. I’m glad you make each other happy or whatever the fuck it is. But I just walked in on my brother and my best friend kissing in my room and my fucking body wouldn’t even let me leave the room. I got a fucking hard on by watching that shit. I am confused and embarrassed, okay. I just want to be alone and I need some time to think. Don’t wait for me. You go watch the movie with the rest of the Party. I’ll be home later tonight after everyone leaves. Just please tell Will I’m not mad at him.” And that was the moment I realized that neither of them knew I was standing there the entire time.

“And me?” It was let out in a whimper. He looked so sad. He was on the edge of being broken completely.

Mike took a deep breath trying to calm myself down so he didn’t upset him more. “We’ll be ok. But right now I just can't be around you or Will or really any of the Party. Okay?”

“Okay.” His voice was so soft and defeated. He tried to give Mike another quick hug before he peddled off, but Mike denied him, taking off as fast as he could. I could tell that hurt Richie a bit, but I think he understood why. After watching Mike disappear down the street, he finally turned to go back inside. Instantly our eyes locked and Richie’s filled with silent terror. All I could do was shakily shake my head, indicating Mike had no idea I had witnessed everything. He didn’t need to know. It only would have made things worse. Richie nodded, trembling, indicating he understood, and we silently shuffled back into the house.

Richie started reeling immediately. “Will, I’m sor—” 

“He already knew?” I asked quietly, not even 100% sure that I actually said it aloud. “Mike, already knew about you?” I questioned slightly louder this time. He nodded back solemnly. “So he’s not angry that we are— that um, we…” I dropped my voice to a taboo whisper, “both like boys?”

“Don’t act like you weren’t here for that dumpster fire of a conversation, Will,” Richie sighed, running his hands through his dark curls. “No, Mike isn’t going to start slinging slurs our way. But Jesus Fuck, did I fuck this one up.” He started pacing back and forth.

“I’m not mad about what you said, Rich. Maybe a little hurt, but I understand…” I prodded gently, reaching out to try and grab his arm. 

“What?” He asked with confusion riddling his face. And suddenly, it seemed to all click. “Will, you know I didn’t mean that I don’t like you. You have to know that, right? It was just the first day I had met you and, I mean yeah, you were hot, but feelings don’t just develop that quickly and—”

I surged forwards again, enveloping him in a tight embrace and causing him to stutter into silence. He could have rambled all night if I had let him. But I needed him to know that I was okay. That we were okay.

Slowly, I backed away, gently brushing the hair back that fell in front of his face once I had. “I’m okay, Richie. But that wasn’t your first thought was it? And, I promise I’m not upset, but I can tell you were so I just…” I couldn’t find the words I needed, so I choked out a simple, “Mike?”

“Well, obviously, he didn’t know you heard any of that,” Richie started testfully. “And you can’t let him know that you did. I don’t even think he really wanted me to hear it. It sounded a bit like word vomit and I would be the one to fucking know cause that’s normally all I can manage to do when I’m freaked out. But he… between last night and today. I really don’t want him to be alone in this, but he needs some time. I think he has a lot to think about, Will.”

Everything he was saying felt muffled. Mike needed time to think? Think about this? 

“What do you mean?” I asked, looking at him with abject confusion.

Richie just shook his head. “Just… don’t worry about it. For now give him some time, Will. This is all new for him.” He smiled gently and I felt like my veins were running cold, torn between confusion and a lingering sense of terror that things were now broken between me and my first and most important friend. “Come on. Let’s go break the news to the Party. Are you still up for it?” He patted the small of my back and started leading me out of the room.

I shook my head, but not because I didn’t want to (well, I didn't want to, but Lord knew I needed to), but because I was trying to rid the thoughts that were running rampant. “Yeah, yeah let’s do this. They need to know before Monday anyway. I want to be the one to tell them, not Troy.” He kissed my forehead before reaching the stairs to the basement and together we walked down to a room full of staring eyes and an overwhelming feeling of awkwardness. It was overwhelming to say the least.

“Oh there you guys are! Where’s Mike?” Dustin asked with an upbeat tone and expression that was clearly forced.

“Mike had to go run an errand. He will be back later. He told us not to wait up for him.” Frankly, it was clearly bullshit, but thankfully the rest of the Party didn’t question it.

Lucas had gotten up to press play on the tv, but I stopped him before he could get the movie started again. “Hey, can you wait just a second? I really need to talk to you guys about something? Its, um… it’s something that’s been weighing on me a lot lately and I want to be the one to tell you about it before… well – I just think you should hear it from me first…”

I swallowed a deep, anxious breath, biting my lip and squeezed my now clammy hands in fists so tight I was sure it would leave nail imprints in my palms. I was also pretty sure I was shaking with practically shot nerves.

“Yeah, Will, what’s up?” Sometimes I have to ask myself how these are the same people Mike was ignoring a few weeks ago because they didn’t stick up for me. They seem so attentive now. They seem like they finally care about what I have to say. And seeing that? It gave me just enough courage to force out what had to come next.

“I, er – I wanted to tell you all that I… that I’m well… gay.” I gulped, pressing on before my frazzled and short circuiting nerves or godforbid a comment by one of my (hopefully still) friends could derail my tenuous momentum. “Some shit went down and I think Troy might out me next week. So, yeah, I, uh… I wanted you to hear it from me,” I forced out, Richie patting my back through the entire thing.

Everyone’s expressions were stoic. Max was the first to speak up. “Yeah, Will, we know.”

“Did Troy already say something?” I asked frantically, a jolt of fear flying up my spin and petrifying my lungs as I began getting worked up at the fear that he had already outed me.

“No, it’s just obvious.” The rest of the group joined in with awkward murmured yeses .

“What the actual fuck. Do you know how insensitive that is? Do you know how hard it is for Will to stand up here in front of all of you and admit something like that. Do you know how easily saying this could get us killed?” Nerves aside, it was kinda hot to watch Richie stand up for me like that.

“Woah woah woah. No one here is going to kill anyone,” Dustin cut in as he threw up his hands placatingly in surrender. 

“Yeah, I didn’t mean that as a bad thing. We all support you. Trust me, if we didn’t, we would have left a long time ago. We’ve known for years, Will.” Max was quick to add in.

“It’s still rude to assume,” Richie let out with a huff of a breath.

“Well, then we are sorry, Will. Thank you for telling us.” Lucas has always been the most sensible one in the group. When it comes to things like this, he understands what it’s like to be in the minority. He also understands that people aren’t the nicest about it.

“Richie, did you say us? Did you say this could get us killed?” Oh shit. Oh fucking shit. Leave it to Max to never let a detail slip through the cracks.

“Yeah, I did. Do you have a problem with that? I thought I was the obvious one with my nails painted and shit.”

“ I thought we weren’t supposed to assume.” Max wore the biggest smirk and her tone was sarcastic as hell. “And I knew Mike was lying about the nails! But just to clarify because I don’t want to assume …” she punctuated this with air quotes, “do you mean us as in you are both gay or us as in you are together .”

I whipped my head towards Richie. My cheeks were burning hot and I just knew everyone could tell I was blushing. Richie just offered a joking shrug and grabbed my hand. I thought I could faint right there.

“Sorry, my boyfriend is a little shy.” Richie jokes when he realizes I wasn't going to say anything.

“Soooo… does Mike know?” Dustin asked. But something told me they all already know the answer to that question. Richie choked out a huff of nervous laughter that was followed by an awkward smile. “Oh my god! He did not walk in on you two, did he?” All it took was Richie’s shit eating grin for Dustin to start rolling on the floor laughing. “Oh, poor Mike. No wonder he never came back.”

“All we were doing was kissing, you pervert!” I threw one of the pillows off the couch at him and fell back, letting my head drape over the head rest. 

“I don’t know, man. Richie seems like the type to be well versed in the ways of the French, if you know what I mean,” Dustin winked suggestively.

“What does he mean by ‘the ways of the French,’ Max?” El asked honestly. And oh how I wished I could have followed Mike as he ran from the house earlier. Anything would be better than having to explain this to her.

“Nope! We aren’t talking about this. You’re disgusting, Dustin!” Max added in a retching sound to further her point. “No offense, boys. Glad you two are getting some action, but I don’t want to know anything about where any of your tongues have been. I’ve never been so glad I couldn’t see. I don’t want to walk in on any of you with your tongues down someone else's throat. I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but I think I actually feel bad for Wheeler.” 

“No one had their tongue down anyone’s throat,” I huffed out. But it was completely ignored by Richie’s outburst.

“Oh, don’t spare them the details, my dearest William. Your throat tastes rather delightful!” I shoved him off the couch beside me. 

“Lucas! Help me find the stairs. I’m leaving before I have to listen to these two actually going at it!” Max hissed as she stood up from the loveseat and waved her hand out for Lucas to grab.

All I could do was roll my eyes at them, but it felt good. They accepted me to the point that they were willing to make jokes about it. Even if they were at my expense.

***

Today is the day. I can do this. I just have to keep my head up. All of my friends are going to be by my side. Just because people will know I’m gay, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. I’ve been through far worse shit than this.

“Come on Will. You’re going to be fine. If you freak out any longer, we are going to be late to pick up Mike and Richie.” El was giving me a reassuring smile and she rested her hand on top of mine as I put the car in gear. 

Once we made it to the Wheelers’ house, she hopped in the backseat with Mike and Richie joined me up front. He gave me a quick kiss on the temple before grabbing my hand. “You’re amazing Will. Everything is going to be fine. And even if it’s not, you have us right there by your side.” God, his reassuring words make me want to melt.

Mike was reaching around my seat now, patting me on the shoulder. I looked up to see him in the rearview mirror. I hadn’t seen him since he ran off to who knows where last night. He didn’t come home before I had left. But, somehow he looked like he felt lighter and more himself. Maybe even calmer than I had seen him in years if we were being honest. Whatever he did to help him ‘figure some things out’ must have done wonders. “Yeah, something tells me you’re going to be just fine. But, if things go to shit, that’s what we are here for.”

“Thank you… I honestly don’t know what more to say, but just thank you.” It sounded more solemn than I was trying to go for, but the whirlwind of emotions I had felt this past weekend were enough to leave anyone scrambling for a bit of normality.

The drive to school was made in silence other than the light humming of The Clash CD that had been stuck in the player for far too long.

When we finally pulled into the school parking lot, the Party ran up to meet us as we were getting out of the car. “Hi guys,” I said, sheepishly with a small wave.

“Are you nervous?” Dustin asks.

“I might actually have an anxiety attack, but besides that I’m peachy.” Everyone let out a light chuckle.

“Well lead the way, Peachy.” Richie gave me a wink before dropping my hand, not wanting to give me any more unwanted attention than I already knew I was going to get. 

As we walked towards the building, no one was even looking in our direction. No one said a word. It was weird to say the least. The last kid to get publicly outed in Hawkins was ridiculed beyond belief. He didn’t last a week after that before he moved schools. Why the hell is everyone acting like nothing happened?

That’s when I realized my locker was clean. The spray paint had been washed off. The school probably had to clean it off to follow guidelines. There was a little relief that washed over me. At least people won’t be seeing that every time they walk down the halls. I opened up my locker and a note fell out on the floor. The entire Party stared at it puzzled as I picked it up and began to read it.

Dear Will,

I first just want to tell you how sorry I am for the way I’ve treated you all of these years. I’ve been projecting my own shit onto you. And I know that’s no excuse for the horrible way I’ve treated you. I’ve been a real dick and I’m so sorry. I never thought I could accept myself. I wanted everyone who was like me to suffer because I was suffering. It was so wrong. I hate myself for what I’ve done to you. I’m sorry I came onto you in the bathroom that day. The messed up truth is I had liked you for so long and I thought I should just take my chance while I could. It was so stupid of me. I should have known you wouldn’t want to kiss me after everything I’ve said and done and especially after I humiliated you in front of the entire school. God, I’m so fucking sorry Will. I know that I will probably never get your forgiveness and that’s okay. But I just needed you to know how I felt. I needed you to know I am sorry. I needed you to know I’m going to leave you alone. I realized Friday when you finally admitted to all of us in that bathroom, that you were accepting yourself. It’s something I wish I could do. I hope I can get there eventually. Until then, you don’t have to worry. Your secret is safe with me. I can tell you are happy now. I hope I can be happy someday too.

Here’s to the new me,

Troy Walsh

I turned back to the group with tears in my eyes and they all looked at me still as confused as ever. Richie snatched the note out of my hand, quickly scanning over the letter written in beautiful cursive letters. Troy took his time with it. He wanted it to mean something. When Richie looked up, he looked straight at Mike instead of me. Mike offered a shrug before Richie slammed the letter against his chest. Afterwards, he aggressively grabbed my hand and pulled me in close, watching Mike’s reaction. There was a softness washing over his face the farther down he read. When he looked up at Richie, I could see tears in his eyes too. Richie sent a glare his way and I knew there was some silent communication between them. There was something they both knew that I didn’t.

“There’s your closure, Mike. It meant something to Troy.” His voice was direct and straight to the point, but I could sense an aggressive undertone to it. For some reason, I felt like they weren’t talking about the details in the letter. But before I had time to question it, Richie was whispering into my ear, “I told you everything was going to be okay.”

Everything is going to be okay.

Chapter Text

Broken Glass and Battered Souls

Chapter 13 | Troy POV

I couldn’t really tell ya how long the annoying, nonstop knocking went on for as it pounded through my suddenly Chucky-sized skull (not that I actually tried) before it succeeded in dragging me from the depths of the never quite long enough sleep I wished would just for fuckin’ once could claim me. Fantasizing for moment about it one day it just swallowing me up like the fuckin’ shark from Jaws and never letting me wake up again.

Sometimes I actually beg for it. To never wake up again. It really does seem like a nice way to go. No one is there to worry over you, begging you to stay, making you out to be the bad person for leaving. How could you leave me? We all loved you. Just like something outta one of my moms retarded-ass rom coms. But here’s a fucking question for ya: Why aren’t they the bad ones? For sinking their Freddy Kreuger claws in you like hooks and refusing to let you go no matter how hard you try. The very same fuckers who claim to love you when you are gone are the ones causing your pain while you are here. 

Days like today are when I beg for it. Death that is. 

“Troy! You better be dress’d an’ ready teh go or so help me God I’ll be the leas’ of yer worries if we’re late, you lazy shit!” my mother hollered from behind my bedroom door. Her words were slurring and her voice was breathy. My two signs she had already gotten into the liquor. 

God, what time even was it?  

I rolled over groggily to see the red numbers of the alarm clock read 2:57 A.M. Just fuckin’ peachy, the alcohol was making her imagine shit again. I held my breath waiting for the blow that I knew was going to happen next. It was like clockwork. “Yer father already said tha’ he would be the one teh deal with you if we walk’d in teh church af’er the choir starded singin’ again. It's an embarrassment to our family!” 

I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. Once again, I was the problem. I’m always the problem. Tardiness is for sure what catches their eye, not the drunk-ass widow of a woman reeking of booze on Sunday morning service. Not the woman who still thinks her husband is right here beside us when she gets to the bottom of one too many bottles. 

“Dad isn’t going to do shit!” I screamed from across my room, grabbing my pillow and slamming it over my ears. “He’s dead. Dad is dead and you’re fuckin’ drunk again, Mom!”

And just like always, the words light a fuse.

Violently, she starts turning the doorknob, trying to let herself in, to no avail. “Unlock this door right now!” She screeched, pounding even harder on the door. “How dare you disrespect me’n yer father like that!”

Sighing heavily, I pulled myself out of bed and slid on a pair of flannel pajama pants. They sat loosely below my hip bones, just waiting to fall after one too many meals skipped. Not like I had the choice. If she started drinking too early, dinner was normally long forgotten. And that’s if she even managed to make it to the grocery store in the first place. 

I stood just on the other side of the door and rolled my neck, popping my joints back after a restless sleep, and braced for what was to come when the barrier between us finally dropped. 

The moment I turned the lock, she pushed the door open, stumbling in. She reached up and grabbed me hard around the jaw. Her fingers digging into my skin so hard it felt like she was touching the bone (which hurt like fuck and had me forcing back tears). “You disgraceful, no good, disappointing little bastard! With an attitude like that, you’ll never live up to be shit!” 

Well, at least the slurring was gone.

She pushed me backward, missing her footing as she did. I hit my back, knocking the air out of my lungs as I winced in pain. Before I could even think, I caught an elbow straight to the stomach. A scream was ripped out of me and I knew that I had fucked up. The tears were rolling and there was no going back. 

Somewhere in the midst of the screaming, I heard the venom in my mother’s voice. “How dare you!” There was a fury in her eyes as she tried to sit up and stabilize herself. She grabbed me by the shoulder, digging her nails into the skin and leaving angry, red crescents.

“Don’t blame me for your own drunken clumsiness!” I spit back. 

But she only gripped harder and sent the back of her hand across my cheek with a sickening smack. It must have been the first time she realized the tears that were streaming down. “Your father didn’t raise a nancy boy! Stop acting like one. Dry up those eyes and be a man.”

Before she could land another clumsy backhand, I reached forward and grabbed her by the wrist. “Get your hands off of me!” With her wrist still in one hand, I pushed her off with the other, pinning her down on the floor. She wriggled around, trying to break herself free, swating the one free hand at my arm. “I said don’t fuckin’ touch me!”

Slowly gaining more and more control, I pulled us both back up to our feet and tightly wrapped my arms around her, binding her arms to her sides. Together we stood there, awkwardly, as I tightly held her in a hug. The anger steeped out of her little by little until all we were left with were tears. She slumped forward and rested her head on my shoulder and I could feel her tears running down my back. When I finally felt her shoulders relax, I experimentally reached one arm up to stroke her hair gently. 

“Let’s listen to the sermon on the radio today. How does that sound? We are both tired and could use the rest,” I whispered as I leaned down to kiss her forehead. The top of her head barely came to my chin so it was an awkward movement with the way I was holding her. I felt her hair sprayed curls scratch against my chest as she nodded in agreement. I knew I would struggle to actually find something on the radio to appease her at this time of night, but I was hoping she would fall asleep before actually noticing.

Gently, I guided her back to her room at the end of the hallway. With one arm still wrapped around her, holding her up, I nudged open the door to find the bed still made. Great, she never even came to bed. I sat her down on the end of the bed and took off her shoes before I pulled back the covers and motioned for her to crawl in. She sleepily did so with the softest of smiles.

“You always take such good care of me, Bert,” she sighs, contently.

I turned from her quickly to avoid her seeing the tears pooling in my eyes and busied myself with finding a radio station. 

Growing up, she used to praise me for taking the Walsh family genes. People always commented on how much I resemble my dad and I used to hate it because I only ever wanted to be my own person. Looking like him meant I was being compared to him, and I got enough of that from him without others trying to add to the fire. But now, I just find it sad because I feel like I’m being used. It’s like I’m keeping his memory alive in their eyes, as if I’m nothing but a reminder of someone better who they can no longer have. Like I’m resented for being here instead of him.

After finding the station she normally listens to on Sunday mornings as she cakes on her layers of makeup for church, I turned to find her soundly sleeping. The covers were still pulled back to make room for her to crawl in. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already asleep as the last words she said to me tumbled from her lips. And somehow, believing that made them slightly hurt less. I turned the volume on the radio down low enough to not wake her, but to still be heard when she finally wakes from her drunken stupor in the morning. 

Crossing the room to her bedside, I pulled the covers up over her shoulders, brushed the sweat-stuck tangles of hair from her forehead, and leaned down to give her a soft kiss on the forehead. She stirred slightly with a huff as she pawed the intrusive tickle on her face.

“Goodnight, Mom,” I whispered with a sad smile, “love you always.” They were the same words my father would say during my childhood goodnights as he quietly slipped into my room, thinking I had finally fallen asleep. After long days at work, arriving home way after dinner had been packed away in the fridge, he would slip through the house like a ghost. 

I remember one time when I was barely on the edge of plunging into sleep. That was the first time I heard it; those three words that never graced my ears in the daylight. That’s when my onset of insomnia started thanks to forcing myself to stay awake to hear those damned words. Because unlike other kids, I would always have to pretend to be a-fuckin’-sleep as he snuck through my door. Because if God-fuckin’-forbid I was awake, those three little words would never come. Nah, instead our conversations would have turned to the same shit we would have in the day when I was busy being a disappointment. So, yeah I always pretended to be asleep. And yeah I let those words become a sort of false comfort. One only given when he thought I wasn’t listening. In a sad fuckin’ way, this was the same. The words felt like lead on my tongue, both needing to fall and begging to die before they escaped. I want to say they are true, but part of me deep down feels like they are nuthin’ but a lie.

How can you ever love someone when you’ve never felt love yourself?

Quietly, I pulled the door to, making sure the latch clicked with the lightest pop, before tiptoeing down the hall to the living room. The television was still on, the sounds of Who’s the Boss? playing softly as the blinding light of the screen managed to illuminate the entire room, shining through the amber bottles that littered the coffee table. Sighing, I scrubbed my face and muttered more than a few f-bombs and GD’s as I stuffed the bottles into my arms as I took to cleaning the room of all the evidence she was ever here. 

I grabbed a glass from the cupboard, filled it with water, and snuck back into her room to leave it on her nightstand. Somewhere, shoved in the drawer below is a bottle of ibuprofen I finally left here after months of nights like these. I blindly dug through the drawer until my fingers knocked against the bottle and I heard the pills clatter against the plastic container. Frozen, I turned to make sure it didn’t wake her, but she didn’t even move a muscle. Sitting two pills out beside the glass of water, I backed out of the room quietly and ventured down the hall back to my room.

Sleep wasn’t gonna happen now. The tired burning sensation in my eyes was long gone and I knew trying to catch some more z’s was gonna be a waste of my damn time. Fuck me, why couldnt the night have swallowed me up before she had the chance to wake me. Christ – at least I was able to get a few hours in before she did.

Reaching under the left-hand corner of my mattress, where my bed met two walls in the corner of my room, I pulled out a journal (not fucking diary, journal. Way more manly). The safety of the night after my mother had finally passed out was the only time it could ever make its appearance. I gave up a long fuckin’ time ago that they would ever be proud of what was written inside. I can still hear dad now, looking at me with even more disappointment in his eyes, lips pressed into a thin line before he tells me, “Music will never get you anywhere, son. Business is what any respectable man would major in.” And yet, here I was, with still no interest following in the footsteps of my father’s career path, and a journal full of snippets of song lyrics hidden beneath the folds of my bed, praying it would never be found by prying eyes.

Funny thing though about being awake at this god-forsaken hour: my best writing always seems to come in the wee hours of the morning. When everyone else was asleep, my brain seemed to finally come out of its cage and allow me to think the thoughts I could never dare say aloud. 

And as my pen hit the paper, tonight took a much more somber route. Some nights were like that. Kinda like I had no control over what crap my hand chose to scribble down. It would be just as much of a surprise to me as it would be to anyone else who read this shit, not that I ever planned for that to happen. It was my little secret pleasure. 

Feeling my hand stop its scrawling, I looked down to find the words hidden underneath.

You might think I’m starting to go crazy
But I just think I finally understand
Cause why would you ever put down the bottle
If you get to see him when you reach the end

Some people would spout bullshit like my ability to write so freely is a gift. I say it’s a mother fucking curse. Words flowed out of me that I won’t even give my own damn self permission to think. Because let’s make one goddamn thing clear: I don’t want to sympathize with her. I don’t want to understand why she does what she does. Why she’s fucking killing herself slowly because she can’t stand the thought that she’s here when he isn’t. Because fuck me if mourning Dad wasn’t enough, she’s forcing me to mourn her ass too. But mourning the living brings on a different kind of pain, because to mourn a dead man walking is to know that you were never enough to make them want to stay alive.

***

The affair of attending church for the Sunday morning sermon always left me feeling a complex array of emotions. 

Growing up, I never really had much of a choice when it came to attending church. It was just a given that Sunday morning I would have my church clothes on and I would spend a good hour and a half of my time sitting on the hard church pews listening to the gruff, old preacher’s explanation of hell and how we need to be perfect in order to avoid it. But I never complained or even bothered to question God. I just thought that believing in God meant that I had to believe in the church.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become wiser to the experience of church and it’s left me with a queasy feeling in my stomach. I don’t want to hate church. I want the opposite actually. But the longer I go, the more difficult it is to feel this way.

It always made me laugh when the old ladies preparing the potluck in the dining hall would spew off things like “love the sinner, but hate the sin,” as if they weren't currently talkin’ shit on the “awful witch who cheated on her husband with the mayor” or whatever other juicy shit of the sort was all the talk this week. Everyone and their mother knew they didn’t “love” her despite her sin. It’s why mornings like today, left me feeling like I was suffocating. 

As I sat on that wooden pew, digging into the bones of my ass, hearing the preacher wax fuckin’ poetic about the curse of homosexuality running rampant in our country, I wanted nothing more than to unbutton the top button of my dress shirt. It suddenly felt like the entire room was collapsing in on me. 

Maybe the depths of hell were opening up to drag me down now, and if I looked hard enough, I’d find fucking Pinhead waiting to harvest my soul because the powers-that-be were no longer interested to wait to see if I can avoid the thoughts any longer. The thoughts I tried so hard to push away, but plagued me nonetheless. 

Glancing to my right, I watched a woman in the pew across the aisle shake her head in disgust as she agreed with what's being said. 

The words queers and choosing to follow sin and tainted souls and temptation and salvation , both felt like I was trying to swallow a hot iron down my throat and were so muffled I felt like I was drowning underwater.

I wanted to scream. 

I’ve tried, goddamit! I don’t fucking want this! But guess what? Turns out this isn’t a goddamn choice! I’d give anything to choose not to be who I am and like fucking tits!

Whether it was a blessing or a curse that the words stayed inside, I couldn’t decide. But the moment I noticed everyone standing and grabbing their hymnals to sing the closing song, I bolted down the aisle to the bathroom in the back of the sanctuary. 

Once behind the safety of the closed door, I could finally feel the air filling my lungs. Pushing off the back of the door, I quickly made my way over to the sink and turned the tap to as cold as it would go before shoving my hands underneath and gathering some in my hands to splash my face. Doing that, I gripped the sides of the porcelain and stared down at the drain as water dripped from my nose and hair, knowing what looking up would do. I knew what was waiting on the other side of that mirror. It was the face of a boy drenched in water and sweat and terrified for what these fucking feelings mean. 

And goddammit I’ve been pushing the feeling down for so long. A feeling that all my life I was told was wrong to think. But this felt like the final chip in the dam and my hands could no longer hold the water from seeping out of the cracks. And shit was about to fuckin’ blow.

Standing in the dim fluorescent lighting of the church bathroom, I allowed those thoughts to penetrate the dam I built and I waited to be washed away. But oddly enough, the struggling breaths never came. No, this felt more like… shit, I don’t know, flying, maybe? Like I suddenly had this weird clarity and I felt lighter than I ever had before. I never quite realized how holding back such a dangerous thought really weighted me down. 

For the first time in my life, I let the words and fears of what I’ve felt for a long time fill my mind. I think that the irony of my opinions on church are laughable. A full circle moment that leaves me unsure of how to move forward. 

I love God, but hate the church.

***

“Troy, dear!” His mother’s voice rang chipper and sing-songy out from the kitchen. The pet name made him grimace. “Will you come set the table for dinner?” 

It must have been a good day for her. Hooray for that.

Walking into the kitchen, I gave her a soft smile and made my way over to the cabinet with the plates. After setting everything out on the table, I grabbed two glasses to fill with water, before she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“Grab the wine glass and the bottle of red out of the fridge, hon,” she said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Maybe pass on the wine tonight, Mom,” I shyly suggested with the slightest huff. Here we go again. 

“Don’t be absurd, Troy! It’s paired perfectly with the dinner I made!” The timer on the oven punctuated her sentence. She reached into the drawer to grab the oven mitts so she could pull the roast out of the oven. 

I knew arguing with her wouldn’t get us anywhere. Even if I managed to keep her out of the wine during dinner, she’d just find herself in the liquor the moment I left the room. 

Resigned, I pulled two wine glasses out as she spun around to bring the roast to the table. She caught my eye with a laugh. “Nuh huh, young man. No wine for you.” Seems a bit hypocritical to me. But sure, whatever. “You know better than that. Your body needs to be in top shape for basketball season. Speaking of, how does senior season seem to be shaping up? Think you have a chance for the playoffs this year?”

Perfect! My favorite part of the day ! Dinner conversations !

“Practice has been going decent enough. It’s a bit hard to tell at this point. We lost a lot with the seniors who graduated last year. But the group of underclassmen seem to have some talent,” I replied with a shrug, trying my best to sound more interested than I actually was.

She sighed in a way that told me that answer wasn’t good enough. “And has that coach of yours made a decision yet between making you or that Sinclair boy captain?”

“It’s not official, but the manager claims he saw the co-captain badges on Coach’s desk.” I knew she wouldn’t like that answer, but she’d find out soon enough anyway.

“We’ve tried to tell you how important it is to never stop working hard, sweetie. I can give you a bit of a pass cause I know how hard it’s been without your dad here to push you during training and we both know how soft that coach of yours is.” She took a drink of her wine to steady herself and I felt like my dinner plate instantly turned to a pile of rocks rather than food. But she carried on, not bothering to wait for a response. I was secretly glad for it because there wasn’t much I could really say. “Of course he won’t make a choice between his only two seniors this year. He’s too much of a pansy! It’s why you haven’t made it to the playoffs since he started here your sophomore year.” I honestly couldn’t fucking tell who she was more mad at. For all anyone fucking knew, she could just be mad to be mad.

“Sinclair is a good player, too, Mom. He’s one of our best shooters from the three. And besides, what does it matter who’s captain? We are both going to be starting and leading the team as seniors anyway.”

“ What’s it — Troy! It matters to the scouts! Please tell me you are taking this more seriously!”

“Yes, I’m taking this seriously! I know that I need a scholarship for college.” Trust me, I’m aware that it’s the only way I’m making it. My minimum wage job after school putting food on the table tells me enough.

“If you say so,” she mutters, stuffing a carrot into her mouth and chewing obnoxiously. “And how are your grades? Nine week reports should be coming out soon, right?”

“Yeah, they should be,” I said softly. What she didn’t know was that the report would never meet her eye, as it sat crumbled up in the bottom of my backpack. The C in history mocked me enough, I didn’t need to hear it from her. God knows the last time I brought home a C, I didn’t hear the end of it for months.

“Don’t look so glum, pumpkin! A Walsh doesn’t fail.” It almost felt endearing, if it wasn’t a backhanded compliment. After a beat of silence, knowing I wasn’t going to reply, she continued. “You got your eye on anyone?”

I raised my brow at her incredulously. “As in a college?” I asked with a bit of a laugh.

A giggle ripped out of her chest, and for a moment I appreciated that it was the first time I had heard her laugh like that since Dad died. “I mean, yeah that too. But no, I was talking about girls. You have your eye on a special little lady?”

The way she said it felt demeaning as fuck. But I couldn’t tell if it hurt worse for me or said imaginary girl. “No, Mom,” I replied with a forced laugh that felt more like bile coming up my throat than anything else. “Aren’t you and Dad the ones that said girls are a distraction from my goals?” I deflected, hoping it would keep the topic from breaching too soon in the future. 

“Eh, what’s a little fun here and there,” she said nonchalantly, as if she wasn’t suggesting that casual flings could be okay as long as they didn’t stick around to become a distraction (see: pregnant). What she didn’t know was that being with a girl was about as fun sounding as getting stalked by Jason-fucking-Voorhees. But I didn’t have to worry about speaking that opinion. “Speaking of goals, though, what are your plans for college? Have you decided on a major?”

I thought back to the journal tucked safely away underneath my mattress, just as the through was safely tucked away in my head. Or so I thought…

“I’ve been writing lately.” The words slipped through my lips before I could stop them and the moment I heard them spoken into existence, my eyes widened at the intrusion. Fuck me…

“Don’t be silly! We’ve talked about these absurd aspirations of yours before. At least this one seems better than music.” I didn’t correct her assumption. It would have only made things worse. “But, Troy, what are you going to do with such a useless degree? It seems like a waste of money to me. And let me remind you, we don’t have a lot to just throw around on useless dreams. You need a good degree, like your father. Something that will support a wife and a family some day.” 

“Maybe that’s not what I want,” I muttered under my breath.

“What was that? Speak up, young man.” There was a bit more anger behind her words now.

And here we go.

“Maybe I don’t want to be just like Dad!”

There it is out in the open. Ripping my body clean down the middle for examination. Hope you like what ya find, you drunk bitch.

“And why not? He was a respectable man with a successful career. He made sure I never had to work a day in my life and he provided for our family.”

“Right, cause we are such a picture perfect family,” I mocked with exasperation.

“Don’t you dare disrespect your father! You would be lucky to be as good of a man as he was!”

And that was the final straw.

I pushed my chair back with a clatter as it rocked back and forth on two legs, not quite ready to fall backwards. I threw the napkin from my lap down on the table and turned towards the front door.

“Where do you think you are going? You weren’t excused!” 

“I’m not my father and I don’t want to be! Get that through your head!” 

Her eyes narrowed, venom ready to pour from her tongue. “You’re right, Troy. You’ll never be him.” The as good as wasn’t mentioned, but the implication was heard loud and fucking clear.

“You know what, Mom? Just go find another bottle. Maybe by the time I’m back, you won’t have to worry about seeing your disgrace of a son anymore. Maybe you’ll confuse me for him like you always do when you’re drunk.”

With that, I grabbed the keys to my truck off the hook by the door and slammed the door shut behind me. 

***

I’m not really sure when I started coming here. Whenever that first night's thoughts that led me here became a fucked-up tradition that carried on after nights like this. 

The thoughts haven’t been as strong as of late as they were that first night. In other words, my toes hadn’t hit the very edge of that bluff since then. Trust me, that first night was enough to scare the shit out of me. I didn’t actually jump, but I had every intention of doing so. 

I was 15 and had just had an argument with my dad after the championship game my freshman year. He was bitching that Sinclair was the one to make the winning shot. I had tried to tell him how amazing it was. Freshmen didn’t get to play. We permanently rode the bench as a means for nothing but defensive bodies during practice. So for him to not only go in, but also win the game for us was an insane feat. But my dad didn’t see it that way. He said it set a precedent. Freshman can play, I just wasn’t good enough. Sinclair was better than me. 

I wasn’t good enough.

I would never be good enough.

I walked to the quarry that day with every intention of making sure he’d never have to worry about his fucking failure of a son again. 

That was until my toes touched the edge and I looked down. The depth of it scared me so fucking bad that I couldn’t look at it anymore. I turned away until – ironically – I realized that meant I had once again failed at something. I turned back towards the edge of the cliff, determined not to fail this time. In the process, I had kicked a small rock that bounced its way down, but took way too many fuckin’ seconds to hit the water.

That was the first time I feared death. I realized that death meant truly failing. 

So on nights like these, I would go out to the quarry to toy with death. I would get just close enough to the edge to make all of the thoughts go silent. 

But to fall would be to fail. 

Not dying on that cliff was the one thing I had the control of not failing at. And to have that control was a power that I didn’t know I depended on until it became an addiction.

I slammed the truck door shut and kicked the tire, before spinning and storming off towards the quarry ledge. I pulled at my hair and dropped my head back until I was looking at the stars shining above me. “FUCKKKKK!” The screamed ripped out of my throat involuntarily, but I instantly felt better. My vision was blurring in anger and I barely heard the crunching of rocks under my feet as I walked.

Maybe had I not let myself feel quite so fuckin’ much, I would have noticed earlier. Maybe had the last 24-hours not been nearly as rough as they were, I would have seen that I wasn’t alone. 

But it wasn’t until hands were on each of my shoulders and a face inches from mine that I came to enough to realize I wasn’t alone.

“Hey,” the voice yelled, trying to get my attention, but the words seemed so far away. “Troy! Troy, calm down!” Suddenly my veins filled with ice because that wasn’t just some random person. They– he (the deep voice was coming from a man) knew my name… But I still couldn’t see. My vision was blurred, my heart was racing, the throat felt hoarse, my cheeks were wet– my cheeks were wet! Shit!

I reached up to wipe the tears I had even known were there from my eyes. Slowly, the person in front of me materialized in my vision. Standing in front of me, still holding on to my shoulders was none other than Mike Wheeler. The contact felt like a burn and I had to get away. I couldn’t do this. He couldn’t see me like this. No one was supposed to see me like this, but especially not him.

“Wheeler, back away from me,” I warned with a wavering, but stern tone.

“Where am I supposed to go, Troy?” He sounded wary, bordering scared. Why the hell–? And that’s when I realized where we were. 

“Oh my God,” I gasped, pulling a hand up to cover my mouth. “Wheeler, I–” But the words died in my throat. I took a step back, as if the thought of being that close to the edge would kill me. I honestly had no idea how Mike managed to get between me and the edge. Did he jump inbetween me? Was he already there? Did I push him closer? The questions were running through my head a mile a minute.

Gasping for air, I moved to sit back in the gravel, not trusting my own damn body anymore. Mike looked around us cautiously, though I’m still not sure what he was actually looking for, before he leerily sat down beside me, making sure to leave a good bit of space between us. I wasn’t sure whether to feel grateful or to reach out and close the distance. Which was a weird fucking thought. It’s Mike Wheeler for Christ’s sake. Fuckin’ Frogface. Why in holy hell I would want to be closer to that closest fag – Don’t be a fucking hypocrite, Troy – er, my once-upon-a-time favorite victim, I had no idea. But shit if I didn’t want to be alone right now. That being said, I also couldn’t trust a damn thing my body wanted right now because clearly it’s not thinking right. I brought the heel of my palms up to my eyes and scrubbed hard, trying to rub some sense into myself. 

We sat together in silence for several minutes, neither knowing quite what to say or if we should even say anything. It wasn’t like this was familiar territory. We weren’t friends. In fact, we were very much established as the complete opposite of friends. I honestly wondered (hoped) that we could just pretend this little encounter had never fucking happened. But that’s the thing. It did happen. Mike stopped me from walking off that cliff and it was traumatic for both of us for a number of reasons that neither of us are remotely close to dealing with.

“Would you really have jumped?” 

And god-fucking-dammit, Wheeler!

His question had come out barely above a whisper, but the weight of it felt crushing. “What?” I croaked out, my throat feeling like sandpaper.

“Had I not stopped you, would you have jumped off the quarry?” Even though he sounded more confident this time around, he looked as if he was cringing waiting for my answer. 

You know what, what the fuck ever. Not like I can even try and dent what that fucking looked like.

“Easy or truthful?” I sighed.

This time it was his turn to seem confused. “What?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow as he tried to meet my eyes. I couldn’t force myself to return it.

“Did I fucking stutter? Do you want the easy to swallow answer or the truthful answer?” I replied with a resigned shrug. 

“Hey, I’m trying to be nice here! Dick. But… both, I guess” He shoots back in annoyance. Beside me, I could hear the shifting of gravel and I turned my head to see he repositioned himself to face me. I still couldn’t meet his eyes, though. It all felt too heavy.

I breathed out tiredly. “Jesus – sorry. Or, whatever. But I didn’t want to jump, no. The goal is never to jump,” I said, finishing with an incredulous laugh. Beside me, Wheeler huffs. I can’t tell if he’s laughing with me or if it's a sigh of relief. Or hell, why he even cares. “But, I wasn’t in control. I can’t honestly tell you that I would still be standing here if you weren’t here to stop me.” 

Wheeler reached out and grabbed my wrist with a death grip. “Troy…” he tested with a warning tone.

“Calm your fucking tits, I’m not suicidal,” I groaned and rolled my eyes. But the look Mike gave me said he didn’t believe my shit. Which, granted, he shouldn't. But fuck me if he should know that. 

I sighed heavily before forcing myself to finally meet his eyes. What I never expected to find in that sea of brown was worry. And for some reason, as long as my eyes were held in his, the weight of everything seemed to slip away, and words I would have never dreamed of telling anyone, much less Wheeler came tumbling out. “I’m serious, ok? I don’t even know what happened! It’s like one minute, I was at my truck screaming mad and the next minute I woke up and you were here. Everything in between is just… I dont fuckin know… gone.”

He gave me a sympathetic look, and much to my irritation I couldn't tell if I hated it or wanted him to keep doing it because for some fucked up reason it made him look cute but I’ll be goddamn damned if I get sympathy from Mike-fucking-Wheeler.

“What the fuck are you looking at me like that for?” I spat, refusing to look at him because my traitorous goddamn face was red as shit. 

I could practically hear the frown in his voice as replied with, “I can just leave if you want–”

“No!” I grimaced at how desperate it sounded. “Ugh, just – no. As crazy as this sounds, I don't want you to go. You being here is kinda keeping me grounded right now…” God, maybe I should just turn and jump off cause that was fucking pathetic as shit.

This seems to catch him off guard. But he nods. “Yeah, okay.” He then gives a considering look before commenting, “You know, I’ve never heard you cuss this much before.”

I actually snorted incredulously. “It’s been a DAY.” Making sure not to cuss right there to prove some kinda point. Beats me what it was.

“Yeah, I get that,” he replied. I then, for whatever fucking reason, decided to look at him and found him wearing one of the softest smiles I had ever seen. “I– Can I ask you a question?”

“Only if I get to ask one in return,” I joked, which earned a real and hearty laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, deal!” But it seemed the longer he thought about his question, the more his smile died. “You said ‘the goal is never to jump.’ What did you mean by that?” I stared at him for a really long time, trying to figure out what to even say. Fuck. Had I really fucking said that to him? How could my own damn words betray me like that? He seemed to get the wrong idea, quickly interjecting my thoughts. “Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to answer that. We don’t even really know each other and that was personal. I’m sor–”

“The first time I came out here like this, I was 15.” I don’t know why I decided to tell him, but I was kinda running out of fucks to give and he for whatever weird reason seemed genuinely concerned and interested. “I had a fight with my dad and I came here to jump. I don’t really know what went through my head to come to that decision. Or– or maybe I do…” I took a deep breath and Wheeler nodded me along. “My mind immediately jumped to that day we were both here in middle school…” I leaned my head back against my truck, running my hand up my face and through my hair. “God, I was such a horrible person to you. For what it's worth, I’m sorry as fuck for being such a dick,” I sighed, internally scolding myself. “You were so ready to jump in order to save Henderson. You cared so much for him that you didn’t care what happened to yourself. And then you were saved. Someone loved you enough to actually save you.” I could feel those bastard tears brimming in my eyes again. A cold chill ran down my arm and I looked to see that at some point Wheeler had scooched over and reached his hand down to mine, silently trying to pry open my fingers where they were cutting angry red crescents into the palms of my hand. I eyed him curiously, but for some reason made no move to stop him. Didn’t even give him a touch me and you fucking die look. Instead I just kept talking as if letting another boy hold my fucking hand was perfectly fucking normal and not a dream come true in another, much more pleasant scenario. And again, not to mention this was Mike-goddamn-Wheeler. “I just thought that I had failed at so much, that maybe this could be the one thing I succeeded at. And the only way I could actually fail was if someone loved me enough to save me like they did for you that day.”

I knew I had to be a snotty mess as I sniffed and wiped at my eyes with my free hand. Why the fuck didn’t I just jump…

“You’re still here. Someone must have cared enough–” I’ll give him credit, he at least tried.

The laugh that fell from my lips was ugly. “No one fucking cared, Wheeler. Not a single person was there to stop me. I just got scared! And fuck,” I scrubbed at my face again, “I realized that jumping was failure.”

“I cared…” he whispered so quietly the wind almost ate his words. “I was here this time and I cared enough to stop you,” he said a little louder and more confidently this time.

And didn’t that just sound fucking absurd. “Don’t let that stupid fuckin’ hero complex of yours confuse this for caring, Wheeler. You just didn’t want my death on your conscience. Especially when I was so out of it,” I deflected, because if I stopped to think what he was actually saying, I don’t think my heart could take it at a time like this.

He gave me an angry look, but didn’t outright deny what I was saying. “If you didn’t plan to jump, then why did you come?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood and continue deflecting my feelings. 

“Yeah, you can ask, but can you answer me first?” He looked so sincere. I sighed loudly and scooted forward so that I could lean back to lay on the gravel, completely forgetting our hands were still inexplicably connected and accidently taking him down with me. His head landed clumsily on my shoulder, but I couldn’t be bothered to care as I stared up at the stars, trying to find comfort in them.

“I’ve become a bit addicted to toying with death.” Wheeler jerked his head around to get a look at my face when I said it and I could help but bark a laugh. “Calm down, I don’t mean it like that. I’m not suicidal, remember?”

“You’re not making a strong case for yourself,” he grumbled, but ultimately returned his head to my shoulder. Why the fuck is he resting it there…

“It’s like putting all the cards in death's hands, but keeping the aces. If I can push death just far enough to feel something, but not give it the power to fully take me, then I have the strength to keep going and I can prove that maybe I’m not such a failure.”

“That’s a really fucked up way to think about things,” he sighs.

I barked out a humorless laugh. “Sad people think sad shit sometimes, Wheeler.” 

“Mike. Just call me Mike. No more of this Wheeler shit,” he says, sitting up rather abruptly. Our eyes meet again as he looks down over me.

“Fine, Mike .” The name tastes weird coming out of my mouth, but not unpleasant. “Why did you come here?”

A lopsided grin littered his face that felt entirely out of place given our conversation. “Cause I’m an idiot who was too stupid to see what was right in front of me.”

“And that makes you smile like a fucking psycho because…?” I laughed out, because how else is one supposed to react to that statement?

“Because you made me forget about my own problems.”

“Well, I would be pretty fucking concerned if you were still thinking about your own problems after the shit I just put you through,” I laughed incredulously. “But go ahead, tell me what terrible problems Mike Wheeler has.”

Mike – so fucking weird – rolls his eyes at my sass before his face scrunched up as if the question pained him. “I think you might’ve been right about me.”

Time seemed to freeze as our eyes locked with each other, begging and prying for more information that we each weren’t familiar enough with to read silently on our own.

“... you’re gonna have to give me a bit more to go on there, buddy,” I tell him in a deadpan tone. But on the inside I didn't dare believe he was referring to what I thought he was.

“I think I might be like you and like Will and like Richie… Fuck! I shouldn’t have said that.” His eyes widened to the size of saucers.

I waved off his concerns, acting casual as fuck even if on the inside it felt like my organs were doing flips. “I’m not going to tell, Mike.” This time the name felt softer and more palatable. 

It seemed to lift a weight off his chest and much like I had before, the words just started to flow. “I think I know. I mean, you would think if you are jealous about finding out your brother and best friend are together you would know. And I don’t know what I’m more jealous of, the fact that Richie seems so confident in his sexuality or the fact that he likes Will and Will likes him back. Or am I just upset that they didn’t tell me?” He sighs loudly like he held his breath through that entire speech before starting up again. “Do I like Will? Can I even be jealous of that if I didn’t even think I could like boys until a few days ago? And is this actually some stupid crush or am I just projecting because Will is the closest friend I’ve ever had? And God, can I even say that I like boys if I’ve never even kissed one?”

He abruptly comes to a stop and locks eyes with me again. A heavy weight hung between us and the stare we held. “You ask me like I have a world of fuckin’ experience. I’ve kissed exactly one boy and we both wish that had never happened. But, fuck if I know. There aren't any rules, as far as I’ve been able to figure. Just… just let yourself feel, I guess.” It felt like a forbidden conversation and yet we were both grasping for the hypothetical ledge we were falling off of. “Tell me what you feel,” I prodded.

And maybe I should have noticed us heading in this direction like a damn freight train without brakes. Maybe I should have been prepared for the hypothetical feeling of being thrown from the cliff rather than freely jumping. 

Fuck, maybe I shouldn’t have even been surprised at all. Who the hell knows.

“I feel like you’ve made me care.”

There it was: the words that you couldn’t take back.

“Assuming you’re not full of shit, how does that make you feel?” I asked, nervously.

“I’m not. And it terrifies me,” he replies with absolute honesty.

“Good,” I whispered, “someone like me should terrify you. I’m not good, Mike. You know that.” I couldn’t help the somber look that plagued my face.

“No–” he moved quickly to make sure I could fully see his face. “I’m terrified of myself.” Every part of his face showed how much he believed what he was saying.

“Why the fuck are you terrified of yourself?” My eyes searched his intently.

“Because everything I touch, I tend to ruin.” 

“Pssh, good thing I’m already fuckin’ ruined then.”

His breath hitched and within a matter of seconds his lips were on mine. It was over before I even had the chance to respond. He looked at me with so much fear that he had just messed everything up and fuck me if I was gonna let him feel like he had.

And I reached up and grabbed him by the fabric of his shirt and yanked him back down for another kiss. His lips crashed against mine painfully at first, but eventually we found a rhythm. It was sloppy and wet and aggressively passionate. A kiss to forget the pain. A kiss to try heal what was broken inside me.

When I pulled away, I could physically see the gears turning inside his head. I let him sit on it for a few minutes to process. It may have been seconds or it may have been hours for all I fucking knew as he sat there never taking his eyes off of me until they eventually softened.

“Tell me what you feel,” I whispered as if someone else overhearing would break this moment.

“Everything.”

Chapter Text

Give Me What I Need

Richie's POV

I could see everything spiraling around Mike. What started as a day where I thought I would have to protect Will, is going to end as a day where I’m going to have to protect Mike. He can be so stupid sometimes. I get it. He was upset, but his actions have repercussions. The moment I read Will’s letter, I knew this was all because of Mike. I can see what’s happening. It’s so fucking obvious. I just don’t want him to get hurt.

I think Mike at least understands. He looked so guilty after reading that letter. I hated for Will to have to see him like that because it must have been so confusing without him knowing the extent of anything Mike is going through right now. The letter should be a celebration. It is a celebration for Will. But for Mike, it’s a life sentence. He can’t take back what he did. Especially not now. His consequences are coming and I’m scared I can’t save him from this. I just wanted to protect him.

We both walked Will to the one class neither of us have with him. I couldn’t let him be there for what I had to do. It was going to be painful, but Mike needed it. We had to talk. I squeezed Will’s hand one last time before saying goodbye.

Mike took off in the direction of his class before I grabbed the handle of his backpack and pulled him back to face me. He looked like he was still on the verge of tears. “Mike, you are not going to class like this.”

“What am I supposed to do Richie?” A single tear fell on his cheek. He looked absolutely wrecked.

“Let’s go sit outside and talk about it.” He nodded slowly and allowed me to lead him out the football field. We sat under the bleachers, hoping to be out of sight in case any of the teachers walked by.

When he finally sat down, he didn’t waste any time before he started in. “I don’t fucking understand! Ten years of bullying. Ten years of being ridiculed and made fun of in front of the entire school. And now he just decides to be a better person. What the fuck?” His words were shooting off in a rapid fire, spit blowing from his mouth with every word. He was getting way too worked up.

“Mike, look at me. You are shaking. I need you to breathe.” I grabbed his hand, trying to ground him. His eyes flashed with the realization that he was actually here talking to me rather than letting his thoughts run wild in his mind.

Then as if the grounding completely washes away, he starts in again. This time, he was slightly slower and a bit more in control, but not to the point of having his heart beating at a safe rate. “I can’t! I can’t! Do you think this has anything to do with Saturday? Oh please don’t have anything to do with Saturday. Yeah, he says he won’t out Will, but what if he outs me? Oh my god, what if he outs me?” His nervous rambling will be the death of me. Sometimes I wonder if he actually knows what he’s saying or if the words are just going straight through his mouth without even processing in his brain.

“MIKE! He’s not going to out you okay. That’s not what’s happening.” I grabbed him by the shoulders hoping to do anything I can to calm him down. Apparently it did the trick, because for the first time he actually understands what I’m saying. His breathing hitches and almost comes to a stop.

Slowly, he continues, very unsure if he even wants to know the answer to the questions he’s about to ask. “What do you mean that’s not what’s happening? What is happening?”

“Oh my god Mike. You really are so oblivious sometimes. Troy likes you. He like-likes you.” I love him to death, but I really do worry about him.

“What? No, there’s no way.” His anxiety attack has finally gone away, but now he’s shifted into incredulous disbelief. Are we really about to go through the fucking stages of grief over Troy Walsh? I can’t believe I’m about to do this.

I calm myself down to a point of reasoning. A tone I know I’m going to have to keep in order to actually have Mike open up. I want to get through these stages quickly. He doesn’t need to be going through any of this alone. “I know we never really talked about that night. Do you feel comfortable talking about it?”

“I— I don’t know. I don’t really want to think about it. I don’t really want to think about Troy.” He started closing himself off, grabbing his knees and tucking them into his body.

“You and I both know that you are already going to be thinking about him. Maybe getting it off of your chest will help you to cope.” Cope. He needed to cope. He hasn’t even given himself the chance.

He took a deep breath and I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around him and gently laid him down with his head in my lap. He curled into the fetal position and I started running my fingers through his hair, coaxing the words out of him. He wasn’t comfortable, but he was willing and that’s all I could ask for. “You can’t judge me. It was all out of anger. I was upset, okay.”

“You know I would never judge you Mike. I want to help you. I’ve been here before. I understand.” God, I couldn’t let him do this alone like I did. I needed to protect him. I needed to shield him from this terrible world. 

Slowly, he started in, telling the story with as much detail as he could bear, overcompensating by letting me know it was no ones’ fault but his own. “When I first left, I was just riding. I had no plan in mind. I just had to get away to clear my head, to get as far away from you and Will as I could. I promise I wasn’t mad at you guys. I just— it was just hard.”

“I know.” I encouraged him. I just had to keep him talking.

“And then after riding for a while, I realized I didn’t actually want to be alone. It was dangerous to be alone. I was scared of what I would have done if I continued to be alone.” Nothing scared me more than those words. Mike can’t be having those thoughts. I pulled him in closer and he rolled over on his back to look up at me. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and I used the end of my sleeves to wipe them away for him. Then I moved my hand back to his thick curls. “I couldn’t go back to the house to face you. All of our friends were there. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t be there with us Mike. I never wanted you to feel that way.”

“How many times do I have to say this is not about you Richie! I don’t feel this way because of you or Will. I’m happy you two are together. I’m happy he’s happy. I’m happy you are happy. It’s just me. It’s just me and my stupid mind. My stupid fucked up mind that sent me to danger instead of back to you where I would be safe.”

“Mike.” I gave him a sad, longing look.

“He was the only other one I knew. The only other person I knew was gay. I had to figure out if what I was feeling was real. Just like you said. Eddie was your coincidence. He was your best friend. Just like Will is to me. I already knew that I was attracted to women. El was my Bev. But, I still had to find my confirmation that I was attracted to men too. I had to find my Connor. Richie, Troy was my Connor.” His last sentence was let out in a broken sob and it shot through my heart. I could feel the tears running down my own cheeks now. He made the connection I never hoped he would make. I wanted him to skip this part. I didn’t want him to live this pain. I didn’t want him to make the same mistakes I did. 

“Mike, no. You didn’t have to find your confirmation for your feelings to be valid. If you liked Will, then that’s enough. I was a stupid idiot and I got hurt. I didn’t want you to get hurt too.”

It’s like he didn’t even register what I said. He just continued on with his story. “When he opened the door, I had nothing more in my mind than confirmation. There was no other feeling besides hate. I was so aggressive. I was needy and persistent. I was no better in the situation than he was to Will. I didn’t give him a choice, I just pulled him into me like he was my life raft in the sea of pain I was drowning in.”

“You are not like him Mike. I promise you that.” How could he ever see himself like that? How could he compare himself to Troy? The terrible things he did to Will. Mike would never even think about doing that to someone he liked. I can almost guarantee that he didn’t even do it to the person he hated most. 

“You don’t know that! You weren’t there! It’s like a switch in my head was flipped and I didn’t care what stood in the way of what I had to do.” He was sitting himself up, trying to catch his breath as his heartbeat was increasing again. He turned to face me head on.

“But I know you Mike. I know you wouldn’t do something like that. You wouldn’t stoop to his level.”

“But I went to him. I did stoop to his level. I still did it knowing that if Will ever found out, it would break him. You know that! You know it will break him. In that moment though, I was so angry at myself that nothing else mattered. It’s like I couldn’t even control my body Richie.”

“Look at me, please. It was a mistake. You lashed out in a moment of anger. Everyone copes differently.” I was pleading with him now. I had to do something to make him stop thinking about himself that way. This was going in a very dark direction and I was scared I couldn’t stop it. We had made it to the anger stage and it was hitting him hard.

“My subconscious wanted it. If I couldn’t control my body, then it must have meant I wanted it.” No! No, no, no! I felt like my control on him and this conversation was slipping. We were in the deep end and the waves were crashing over our heads. Together, we were slowly drowning.

I had to make him realize. I had to stop this. “Mike, stop! You are going to eat yourself alive with this. What was his reaction to the kiss? Maybe you are just overreacting.” I hope for his sake that he is overreacting. I really hope so.

“The only thing he said was ‘Damn, Wheeler. I’m a bit confused, but that was hot.’” Relief washed over me as I felt like I was finally being drugged to shore. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I could work with this.

“So he liked it. You didn’t force him into anything. He was just surprised, which I can’t exactly blame him for. Did you talk about it?”

“No. That’s the worst part. I just told him to shut up and I kissed him again.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of seeing Mike like that. All of my previous fears went down the drain. Now it was just comical. “It’s not funny!”

“The situation? No, definitely not funny. You? Absolutely hysterical.” He stared at me long and hard before rolling his eyes. “I’m sorry. Please continue. What happened after that?”

“Nothing. I just turned around and biked home.” I couldn’t believe he was serious. My brother did a kiss and dip. The first time he ever kissed a man and he’s already breaking hearts.

“Well, no wonder the kid is head over heels Mike! You completely dominated the poor kid and then left without saying goodbye. I guarantee you he dreamed about it!”

“Richie, shut up! He is not head over heels. Troy hates me. And I didn’t dominate him!” He tried so hard to be angry with me, but even he was laughing now. I could still sense he wasn’t completely sure about how he handled it though.

“Did he stop you after you told him to shut up?”

“Well, no. I didn’t exactly give him a choice though.” Yep, there it is. I knew this wasn’t done yet.

“Where were his hands?”

“What the hell kind of question is that?” He scrunched up his face with so much confusion. Oh this poor helpless child.

“Where were his hands? Was he trying to push you away?”

“No. They were in my hair.” Winner, winner! There it is. That’s all the confirmation I needed. I can’t believe him. How can he not see that he enjoyed it? 

“Oh my fucking god Mike!” I was hysterical at this point. “You really think he doesn’t like you? You told him to shut up and he obeyed you like a little puppy. You made Troy fucking Walsh submissive.”

He stared at me with wide eyes as if he just realized the extent of what he had done. “Oh my god!”

“Mike, this is bad. This is very bad.” I was trying so hard to be serious, but I couldn’t get the thought of Troy being submissive to Mike out of my head. It was hilarious to think of. He’s always trying to be so big and bad, but the moment he gets the same energy back… oh my god. My words came out between stifled laughs. 

“What am I supposed to do?” His eyes were scanning everywhere. He was searching for answers he wasn’t going to find.

“Nothing Mike. You are going to do nothing!” I wanted to make myself loud and clear on this.

“But–” Here comes the fucking bargaining stage. He’s not going to make me change my mind on this. It’s not just about what he did to Will. It’s a big part of it, but not all of it. I can’t let Mike do this to himself.

“Mike, I mean it. Troy is not a good person. I don’t want you to get hurt. I know you might think of him as your Connor, but I don’t want you to have a Connor. I don’t want you to experience the pain of a relationship like that. Neither of you are prepared enough to support each other. You aren’t comfortable enough with your sexuality yet. You are both so far in the closet that it will result in sneaky meet ups. Everything will be panicked and rushed. You will always be checking over your shoulder like it’s some dirty little secret. It's not a great feeling. Trust me. Being with Connor fucking hurt. If either one of you goes down, you will take the other one with you. I can’t sit here and watch that happen. I can’t think of the possibility of losing you.”

“You won’t lose me Richie.” There was a look almost like sadness, but I could barely read it. I had to be firm. Even if it hurt him. I knew if I didn’t, he would be hurt more in the long run.

“You’re right. I won’t lose you because you are going to do nothing. That’s final.” His eyes were pleading with me for a better answer. An answer I could never give him without knowing the outcome would be terrible. “Please Mike. For me. For Will. For yourself. I need you to just leave this alone and let it die over. You’ll find someone who will actually care for you. A good man or woman that will take your emotions into consideration, rather than just their own. You will find someone someday. That day just isn’t today.”

All I could do was hope he would listen to me.

Chapter Text

Not Waiting Any Longer

Mike's POV

Richie’s words were ringing through my ears as I continued down the hall to my locker to get my books for the next class. You are going to do nothing . I knew what he was saying was all true. I know he only cared for me. I knew Troy wasn’t a good person. But there was just something about the way that kiss felt. There was something about Troy that I just couldn’t get out of my mind. It just made me hate myself more. How can I actually have feelings for someone who hurt my best friend? Someone who hurt me. But Richie is right. I’m going to do nothing. I have to do nothing. If not for myself, then for Will. If I truly love Will, I can do this for him.

Or at least I thought that. I thought that until I opened up my locker. Like deja vu, a folded piece of notebook paper fell from my locker and landed by my feet. A paper folded neatly in half about four times. Except mine was different. There was a tiny heart drawn in the corner of one of the folds. Barely peeking through like the little secret it was. The little secret I had. The little secret we had. I knew it was from him. 

I quickly picked up the note hoping no one around me had seen it fall. Looking around, the halls were empty. Class hadn’t let out yet. I held the note close to my chest, racking my brain for what I should do. It’s easy to say no if I don’t know what’s inside. But the truth of the matter is that I could never not read it. The mystery of those words would eat me alive. I would drive myself insane hoping to one day allow myself to read those forbidden words. I knew I would eventually give in no matter what. So why not just let it be today. 

I carried the note along with my books for the next class over to the AV room. No one meets there until after school so there would be no interruptions. It’s also one of the few places that Richie doesn’t know to find me yet. It was perfect for my secret escape. 

I sat my books down on the desk that sat in the middle of the room, hoping to not accidentally break any of the expensive equipment. Then I propped up my feet and leaned back in the chair, getting comfortable enough, hoping to calm down the anxiety I had over what the letter would hold.

Maybe I’m just overreacting. Or maybe I read the entire situation wrong. Maybe this is Troy letting me down and he was so weirded out that he’s going to leave all of us alone now. But Richie seemed so adamant of quite the opposite reaction. And what would explain the little heart that makes my own heart beat wildly out of my chest?

I couldn’t wait any longer to find out. I quickly, but efficiently opened the piece of notebook paper up, hoping not to tear any of it. If it’s anything close to what I hoped it would be, then I wanted to keep it in perfect condition stored away secretly in my room out of the eyes of anyone, but myself.

Dear Michael,

Shut up… Yes, I just called you by your actual name. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what’s happening. All I know is after that night, I haven’t been the same. I know it was probably some stupid dare or something that meant nothing to you. I’ve tried so hard for it to mean nothing to me. But I can’t just let it go, Mike. I can’t. The moment your lips touched mine, something changed inside me. I can’t explain it. I know I probably sound like a blubbering mess right now, but I just needed you to know how I feel. I can’t stop thinking about you. You are all I’m thinking about really. 

I have already apologized to Will for what I did to him. Which you probably already know if I’m being honest. You tell each other everything. I didn’t do what I did to hurt him. I know that doesn’t forgive what I did. I was trying to figure myself out. I thought it was weird that I found little Byers, who everyone saw as the school fairy, and you, who was his trustful sidekick, to both be attractive. You were both guys. I’m a guy. I’m not supposed to feel that way. It’s wrong. I needed to understand myself. I needed to know if those feelings were real or just in my head. I felt so wrong. I knew what I did was wrong as soon as I did it. But something inside me told me that kissing boys was something I could enjoy. Emphasis on the could. Will wasn’t right for me, but kissing a guy didn’t feel wrong like people say it should be.

What I didn’t realize is how much kissing you would help me to figure out everything I needed to know. Everything about your kiss felt right. Everything. I found myself craving more even though I couldn’t. I found myself wanting you in my arms the moment you left. You are like my drug Mike and I will do anything to be able to call you mine.

If you’ll let me call you mine, please come by my house to see me on Friday night. My parents are leaving to go to Indianapolis for the weekend. We can talk about the kiss. About this. About us. I’ll be waiting. If you don’t come, I promise to leave you alone just as I promised Will. But I really hope you do.

I hope to see you soon,

Troy <3

I slam the letter down on my desk and rock the chair back as far as it will go, leaning backwards with my hands wiping over my face. I tried to wash the blush away. I tried to shake away the butterflies in my stomach. I tried to stop the mushy feelings from bubbling up inside me. Do nothing Mike. You’re going to do nothing. Richie's words were repeating on a loop in my head trying to block out this wave of emotion that threatened to capsize me. The moment I do something, I can’t come back from it. Troy gave me an out. He clearly said he would leave me alone if that’s what I wanted. He doesn’t even believe that I meant it. I didn't, did I? He was just my only option. It didn’t mean anything. At least not at first. But now?

I can’t think like this. This is Troy Walsh we are talking about. I can’t hurt Will. No matter what I’m feeling, my love for Will is stronger. I’m going to do nothing. But that doesn’t mean I can’t hold onto the letter. That doesn't mean I can’t keep it safe. That doesn’t mean I can’t look back and reminisce how someone, a guy, actually has feelings for me. How a guy actually likes me back. The guy I had my first gay kiss with. 

The bell rang, as if sealing my decision. There’s no more time to think about this. I folded the note up neatly and stuck it in the pack pocket of my jeans before exiting the AV room and heading to my next class. One I share with Richie, Will, and Troy. 

I’ll do nothing. 

***

We hadn’t had a Hellfire club meeting since just before I found out about Richie. That felt like so long ago at this point. I missed playing D&D. Eddie offered for Richie to sit in on a game to watch how it’s done before just throwing him into the fire. Richie, however, declined the offer, which also meant that Will was skipping the meeting to hang out with him.

Will loves D&D. I can’t fucking believe this. Richie better not be making him skip this. It’s literally his favorite thing to do. Just to think, a few summers ago Will was getting mad at me and Lucus for not being interested in playing because we wanted to hang out with our girlfriends. But now that he has a boyfriend, he can just ditch us and it’s perfectly fine? It’s hypocritical. It’s absurd!

We had to find someone new to cover his spot because Eddie already had his campaign written to include him. Eddie was just a bit furious, but it seems he was less upset than I am. I guess it’s the gay agenda… He must be letting it slide because it’s a boyfriend and not a girlfriend. He can be a little impartial like that sometimes. I still didn’t know who would be playing with us tonight. Gareth said he had someone in mind, but he wanted to surprise us. 

Now that Gareth is finally a senior, he’s branched out of his shell a little bit more. Maybe he met a new friend outside of Hellfire. Maybe it’s a new band member. I heard Corroded Coffin was looking for a guitarist to play alongside Eddie. I was tempted to try out, but I had been a bit out of practice lately with all of the shit that went down and then finding out about Richie.

Who I didn’t expect to walk through the door that night was a boy who didn’t look much younger than me. He resembled Gareth, but not in the same way Richie and I did. They shared features, but not the same face. It was mainly their nose and their curly, dirty blond hair. However, this boy’s face was more angular. His eyes were softer and more round. Freckles practically covered his face rather than just the light dusting Gareth had. Though I wouldn’t say that Gareth was unattractive in any sense, this boy definitely took the looks. It’s like someone had put a spotlight on him and I couldn’t move my eyes anywhere but there.

“Wheeler! Stop eyeing the fresh meat. We don’t want you scaring him off before he even sits down to play.” Eddie bellowed from his throne at the front of the table. The kid let up a gentle smile with the lightest of pink blush splashing across his cheeks.

“I wasn—”

Before I could even defend myself, Gareth was interrupting me. “Yeah, Wheeler! That’s my little brother. Don’t be gross.”

Don’t be gross . Those words rang through my ears. That’s exactly what I’m being. I’m gross. Liking boys is gross. I tried my best not to let the way those words affected me on the inside, show on the outside, but Eddie beat me to it.

“Cut it Gareth! You know the rules here.” His tone was strong and he was standing his ground on his point. He took offense to the words, just as much as I did. Looking at the kid Gareth called his little brother, I could tell it kind of affected him too by the way he folded into himself.

“Munson, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t care if boys like boys or if girls like girls. He’s just my little brother. That’s just weird.” He sounded truthful in the words he said, but it still didn’t make the bite hurt any less. Is this how Will felt when I called him out that summer for not liking girls?

“That better be all you meant or we will have some real problems.”

“I promise.” He gives a quick look over his shoulder to his brother who starts to relax a little bit more. “This is Elijah everyone.”

“Nice to meet you Elijah.” Eddie said, sticking out his hand. “Grade, age, and class.”

“Why would you need to know my grade and age? Isn’t that basically the same thing?” Gareth couldn’t hold back a laugh with Elijah’s quick wit at the expense of Eddie. Everyone else joined in with stifled laughter.

Eddie took a deep breath. I could tell he found it a bit funny himself though. “Some of us—” Dustin cleared his throat as if to say not quite . “Sorry, one of us is a few years older than the grade we reside in, young one.”

Laughter ensues again before Dustin pipes up, “Eddie’s been held back four times now.”

“Henderson! I was supposed to graduate last year before the world basically ended and everyone was hunting me down for the murders I didn’t commit. Sorry if graduating wasn’t my top priority!”

“And what is your excuse for the other three times?” I asked.

“Very funny heart eyes.” That shut me up real quick. My face was burning with what I knew had to be a deep shade of red. I had to keep telling myself that they didn’t actually know I was bisexual. They didn’t know that I actually did think he was cute. But who am I kidding, it was probably obvious.

Elijah takes the seat right across from me before finally answering Eddie’s questions. “I’m a sophomore, I just turned sixteen last month, and I’m a Rogue.” He wore a bright smile as if he was proud of his answers.

“Ahhh, you just turned sixteen? Have you gotten your license yet?” Though he was asking Elijah, his eyes were directly on me. I mouthed a fuck you in silence and all Eddie could do is laugh.

“Yes?” Elijah answered as if it would be weird if he didn’t already have his license. Truthfully, he would be right. But I knew what Eddie was doing.

“Good, good. Maybe you can give Mike here a ride home. You see, his brother and his boyfriend ditched us tonight and Mike doesn’t have his license.”

“His boyfriend? Why would your boyfriend ditch you?” The entire group erupted into laughter again.

“Richie’s boyfriend, not mine.” I quickly added in before glaring up at Eddie who wore a mischievous grin.

“And I’m guessing Richie is your brother?”

“Yes, my twin brother.”

Gareth chipped in looking obviously annoyed at the fact that Eddie was trying to set something up. “He didn’t drive tonight, but we can give him a ride home if he needs it.” He really stressed the if he needs it part .

After the game had finished, I was packing all of my things away in my backpack when Elijah came up beside me. “I like your nails.” He wore the cutest little smile that almost melted my heart. He noticed? He was looking at me close enough to notice?

“Uhh, thanks!” God, why am I nervous?

“Do you still need that ride home?”

“Sure. Yeah sure.” Gareth looked over his shoulder at us before continuing on cleaning up.

We all three walked out to Gareth’s car together. Elijah tried to get in the back seat with me to keep me company on the ride back to my house, but Gareth stopped him before he could. “Nope, front seat.” The two just glared at each other for a long minute before Elijah finally surrendered and threw himself in the passenger seat, crossing his arms over his chest in protest. “So, Wheeler. When are you ever going to get your license? It must be embarrassing to keep getting called out on it all year.” He was trying to embarrass me. He was trying to be the protective older brother. I for one hated it. And by the looks of it, so did Elijah.

“I’ll get it when I pass the test.” I say with a huff before turning to look out the window. It was the last thing that was said that night before he dropped me off at my house.

***

The rest of the week went on dreadfully slow and was practically uneventful. The most eventful topic being where everyone’s Friday night date plans would take place. Everyones except mine. They were all planning around each other to make sure no one ran into each other, ruining the privacy of their date.

“What about you Wheeler? Got anyone new in mind for Friday night date night?” Dustin asked, bumping into my shoulder and winking. This perked Richie’s attention.

“Wait, do you? Did something happen and you not tell me?” Ughhhh!

I rolled my eyes and shoved Dustin back. “No, nothing happened. Dustin is just being an asshat.”

“Am not! You were making goo goo eyes all night. Right Lucas?” Lucas looked like he really didn’t want to get in the middle of it, just shrugging his arms instead. “Oh come on! Richie, ask Mike who drove him home the other night.” Richie cocked an eyebrow. God, I really hate Dustin.

“It was literally nothing. Gareth and his little brother took me home because Eddie made a big deal about you two ditching me and I didn’t have a ride. It was actually pretty embarrassing so I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” I got up from the lunch table and walked away. I was making sure that was the end of it. I never even told them I liked boys. Why are they so on my ass about Elijah? Was it really obvious? I just thought he was pretty. Can I not appreciate a man’s beauty without everyone thinking I want to bone him?

That night, as I sat alone in our room, I thought about a lot of things. I thought about how Will chose Richie. I thought about how Max chose Lucas. I thought about how Dustin chose Suzie. But what stuck out the most is how Troy chose me. I was sitting here all alone while my friends were all off having the time of their lives with their significant others. They got to choose to be happy at the expense of others, why couldn’t I? That’s how I once again ended up on Troy Walsh’s doorstep. 

The first time I knocked, I was timid and afraid. Afraid this all might be a joke. Afraid that no one could really love me. No, not love. This isn’t love. This is just infatuation. Don’t get ahead of yourself Mike. After a few minutes of no one coming to the door, I knocked again. This time, way harder than before. From inside, I heard him yell, “coming!” I could spot his voice anywhere.

As soon as he opened the door, he looked as surprised to see me as I did to see him. “Mike.”

“Troy.” His face shifted into a soft smile.

“You came.”

“I choose you.”

It was all I had to say before he was bringing me inside the house and quickly shutting the door behind us, out of view of the cruel world that waits out there. Within seconds, his lips were against mine and that pleasure I had longed for since that fated night finally returned. Only this time, the guilt didn’t come with it. This time I indulged myself in the taste of his lips. I indulged myself in the tongue he slipped just past mine. A fight over who will inhabitat who. It was forceful, but it was perfect. There was a synchronicity between the two of us that felt like we had been doing this forever. Maybe we will be. All I know is that right now, I don’t want this moment to end. 

And it didn’t for a very long time.

But eventually we had to talk about it. There had to be boundaries. We had to be on the same page. I told myself this. I told myself it was the only way. I had to keep Will safe.

I grabbed at the base of his jaw and slowly pulled him away from me. His eyes almost looked bloodshot with lust. God, he was beautiful. “Troy, we need to talk about it.”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right.” He said, aggressively rubbing his face to calm himself down.

“This should be a secret. Just the two of us. I’m not out to anyone besides Richie. I don’t want anyone else to know yet.”

“Absolutely. Scouts honor.” He said with a salute. I gave him a look to say I’m being serious . “Sorry. I don’t want to be outed either. No one knows about me. Well, besides you, Richie, and Will. No one new will know about me though. I just can’t. Everyone around me is pretty homophobic.”

“I understand. Secrecy is just safer for us right now. That doesn’t mean my feelings are any less though. I just can’t hurt Will.” Troy’s eyes perk up at me. Shit. “I mean, he might forgive you eventually, but you really did hurt him. I’m his best friend. It would kill him if he knew I was with you.” Let’s hope that was enough to deter his thoughts.

“I understand Mike.” He grabbed my hands in emphasis. “I’m going to be better. I promise. You can even hold me to that. You make me want to be better.”

Those words sound so weird coming from his mouth, but I wanted with everything in my heart to believe him. So I did.

I let myself believe Troy Walsh.

Chapter Text

You Know What's On My Mind?

Will's POV

I really don’t know when it was that my family first realized there was something different about me. That I was different. Even without having to say it, I felt they always knew I was gay. It seems like everyone did. So it was so easy to just go on without saying anything. I mean they already know right? What’s the harm in not confirming? It’s what I have told myself for years in order to avoid the pain of having to actually say it aloud, something I have to this day only done three times. The fact that I allowed Troy an explanation before my own family is beside me. It was a moment of anger, a weak point, but I didn’t regret it. Something changed after that day though. Something in him and something in me. I think we are both better off for it. 

Richie having been the first person I told made sense. It’s a spot I originally held to eventually be Mike if I could ever work up the courage. But Richie just made perfect sense. He understood me, He picked me out. It felt like I wasn’t even telling a secret at all. No, I was just being myself around the only person I ever felt comfortable enough to do that around. Mike finally figuring out was a repercussion of being present at the time Troy pushed me just a bit too far. Definitely not the way I wanted that revelation to go down, but nonetheless, when did anything go right when Mike Wheeler was in the picture. It’s nothing against him. He is my best friend, but for some reason we can never just exist normally around each other. Something always has to go wrong.

Telling the Party seemed like the scariest thing I could ever do. It was the first time I actually planned to tell anyone. Though no amount of planning would ever prepare me for their reactions. Apparently I am obvious. Everyone has been calling me out for it for years. What did I expect? Maybe they just started to believe the rumors after all of these years. Or maybe they could see it for themselves. Either way, their acceptance made me realize that I can be myself. 

That left one group of people I had to tell. One last planned coming out. To shit with anyone else who begged to know my truth. This last group, my family, was the only other people who deserve an explanation. An explanation that is years in the making.

And maybe the impending thought of wanting to have Richie join us for Thanksgiving this year had a little bit of leeway on my decision to choose now of all times. Or maybe it was so I could have him come over without the wandering looks of a missing Mike attached to Richie’s hip. Either way, I knew I had to tell them. It’s gone on long enough. I was going to make sure Richie could be there with me on Thanksgiving to tell them.

Richie and I had been planning all week the best way we would go about spending Thanksgiving together. Of course the Wheeler household was off limits. It’s one thing for me to spend every waking hour over at their house on a normal day, but holidays were sacred to the family. Something I learned many years ago with Mike. They weren’t allowed friends over. Jonathan had found his way over to a few family holiday dinners at the Wheeler house due to his title as Nancy’s boyfriend. A right I would technically have if Richie told them about us. The only issue being how Ted would react to the information. It would confirm is suspicion he’s had over the “gay Byers kid” for years that he never really wanted hanging around his son. It would definitely put a strain on their family relationship to know one of their own sons are gay. They would probably blame it on the sixteen years they missed out on raising him. Though Karen never made any of these comments, her lack of defense against them served enough to know that the Wheeler household would definitely be off limits to me on holidays for the foreseeable future. 

That left my own house. Though my parents didn’t know yet, the fear of them finding out was much less than that I had for the Wheelers. The biggest issues would be convincing my mom to let him come over without her getting concerned by the lack of invite to Mike and actually getting Richie out of the house on a holiday. Quite honestly, bringing Mike along might have to be the solution. Although, I wouldn’t want to put him through the trouble. And if we could pull that off, then we would have to make sure to get the boys home by 6PM. The sacred dinner time in the Wheeler house, never to be broken without dire consequences.

So I found myself slowly walking down the stairs, prepared with a question that scared me even more than actually coming out to my family ever would. I’m not sure why it scared me so much. My family is extremely laid back, especially after the events of the past several years. It’s brought us extremely close together and we are able to talk to each other about everything. Though it seemed that asking to do Thanksgiving lunch might be the one thing that I couldn’t ask for. Even so, I sat down next to my mother on the couch as she was watching one of her TV dramas. 

“Hi baby, is everything okay?” She asked, wrapping her arms around me in a comforting cuddle.

“Yeah Mom. I umm— I wanted to ask you something.”

“Of course. Ask away!” She sat up straight, giving me her full attention now.

“Could we have Thanksgiving during lunch this year?” My face was scrunching up in fear of how she might react.

“Can I ask why? Do you have somewhere to be?” She didn’t seem mad. No, her expression almost seemed like she was intrigued by the request.

“Not exactly. It’s more like the person I want to ask to come over has somewhere else to be.” I stared directly into her eyes trying to read the million different emotions that crossed over her face during those few seconds before I quickly added in, “Plus Johnathan wouldn’t have to miss it this year to go to the Wheeler’s.”

She let out a quick laugh before ruffling my hair. “Of course baby. Can I know who this mystery person is that will be joining us?”

“Richie.” I replied with a soft smile, hoping she wouldn’t read too much into it. “And maybe Mike. It depends on how hard it will be to loosen Karen’s grip on them. You know how long it took Johnathan to convince her to let Nancy come over last year on a holiday.”

She gave me a knowing look at the fact that I just compared Richie to Nancy, Jonathan’s girlfriend. But neither of us chose to speak on it. “Okay sweetheart. Let me know for sure if he or they can make it so I know how much food to make.” She took me in with a big hug before I leapt from the couch, running straight to the phone.

The phone rang a good three times before anyone answered. “Wheeler residence. This is Mike.”

“Hi Mike! It’s Will. Can I talk to Richie?” I could practically hear the annoyance in the breath he took before calling out his name. I just knew he had to be rolling his eyes. I knew we hadn’t been as close here lately and it obviously was taking a toll on him. I had to do something. “Wait Mike! Stay close to the phone so you can hear too.”

“Hey Will!” Richie chimed after Mike finally gave up the phone.

“Hey! So I was wondering if I could come over and help you both convince your mom to let you guys come over for Thanksgiving. I talked to my mom and she would be happy to have you two over.”

“Sure!” Richie chimed in quickly, nothing close to hiding the excitement of the situation that had worked in our favor up to this point.

I could hear a tussle on the other end of the line before Mike started in, “You know that’s never going to fly! Mom will flip her shit if we aren’t there for dinner.”

“I’ve got it covered. See you in ten minutes?”

“Fine.” He groaned, before hanging up the phone.

By the time I made it over to the Wheeler's house, I was drenched in sweat. But I did manage to shave off two minutes of the time it normally takes me to bike over. This was important. This was worth the sweat and the extra leg pain that would soon come. Richie was already opening up the front door before I even had a chance to knock, clearly just as excited as I was to see him. He quickly looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was in view before leaning in and giving me a brief, but comforting hug. “Eww! What did you do, jump in the quarry before you rode over here? You’re soaked!”

“That’s sweat you dingus!” I said, playfully pushing his shoulder.

Out of nowhere, Mike showed up behind Richie. “Quit the PDA! What’s your genius plan for this one? You know there’s no way you are going to get her to budge on this. Not a way that wouldn’t get you both shunned anyway.” Richie shot him a fiery glare, before turning back to me and offering a worrisome smile.

“Follow my lead.” I gave a quick wink before walking into the kitchen to find Karen. “Hi, Mrs. Wheeler!”

“Hi Will! The boys didn’t tell me you were coming over today.” She came up to hug me after sitting down her oven mitts.

“I’m not here to stay long. I actually wanted to ask you something.”

She furrowed her brows before looking behind me at the two boys. They only offered a shrug. “Okay? Is everything alright?”

“Absolutely! I was just wondering if, since this is Richie’s first holiday in Hawkins, we could make it extra special for him.” Richie was trying so hard not to stifle out a laugh at the clear puppy dog eyes I was giving her in hopes she would finally give in to our antics.

“And how do you suggest we do that?” She looked even more confused than when I first came in to talk to her.

“Can Richie and Mike come over to eat with us this year on Thanksgiving? What better way to make it special than to have two? My mother would love to have them join us.” She quickly crossed her arms over her chest, signifying that she didn’t plan on backing down.

“The boys have dinner here on Thanksgiving. You know this Will. We always eat dinner at 6PM.” The two boys exchanged nervous looks.

“It’s a good thing we aren’t eating at that time then! That works out perfectly!” The bewildered look on her face told it all. She hadn’t been expecting my newfound confidence, having always been the shy boy that agreed with everything she said.

“I never agreed to anything!” She looked at the two boys whose faces fell from the excitement of thinking I had the one up on her to a pleading look. She let out a heavy sigh. We were getting somewhere. “What time are you having your Thanksgiving dinner? Would they be home on time? They better not be even a second late.”

Both boys' eyes shot up and my lips turned into a smirk. One last sarcastic comment to hopefully put her in her place. “It’s lunch Mrs. Wheeler. We are having Thanksgiving lunch this year at 12PM. They will be back home with plenty of time to spare.”

She took one last look between the three of us before surrendering. “Fine, but you boys don’t make a habit of this. Holidays are meant for family.” 

Oh if only she knew.

***

I was running like crazy trying to help get everything ready. Today had to be perfect down to the last detail. The food, my outfit, and most importantly the timing for when to drop the bomb. Everything had to run according to plan and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure it did. I deserved this. After everything I’ve been through, I deserved for one thing to go my way.

The doorbell rang about a quarter till noon and I practically ran to grab it before anyone else could. Everyone’s eyes were on me until I patted down my outfit to make sure everything was perfect again. I could see out of the corner of my eye that my mom let out a little chuckle. This is it. There’s no going back now.

I opened up the door and was brought into a very platonic group hug by the two boys. Something we had clearly discussed in our planning. Mike whispered in my ear before pulling back, “I don’t know how you fucking pulled this off.” This got a laugh out of Richie.

“Let’s just hope the luck continues.” I held up my crossed fingers and Mike gave me a confused look. Richie on the other hand, couldn’t make his smile any bigger than it already was. “Today is the day, Mike.” 

Mike’s eyes shoot up quickly before he whispers out, “Will, I’m so fucking proud of you man. We are right here by your side no matter what.” I couldn’t hold back a smile anymore. “So how far are you planning on taking it? Just you? Or are you mentioning Richie also?”

“I hope to make it to both. We will just have to see.” I looked over my shoulder to see my mom waving at the two boys.

“Come on Will! Don’t make them stand outside in the cold all day. Come set the table.”

“Something tells me everything will be just fine.” Richie says, patting the small of my back as the two boys follow me into the dining room.

The table had been set and everyone was sitting around it waiting for Hopper to walk through on his break from his shift at the station. It sucks that he won’t be able to stay much longer than just to eat. I guess that’s what happens when you are the police chief. Crime doesn’t stop for holidays, even though they do tend to be pretty slow. The moment he walked through the door, mom was quick to meet him with a kiss before leading him back to the table where all of the food we had prepared was laid out in front of us. They both took their seats at the heads of the table. Mike, being the unlucky one of residing right next to his chair, was the first one to be addressed. “Wheeler.” He said with a nod. “Other Wheeler.” His look was a bit confused. Had mom not told him they were coming?

“It’s actually Tozier, sir.” Richie said, sticking out his hand for a firm handshake. 

“I like this one better, Joyce. This one has manners.” All of us kids erupted at the thought of Richie actually being the one with manners out of the two. Yeah right.

“Hop, be nice. They are our guests.”

“I am being nice. That was a compliment. Speaking of, why are they our guests?” He gave an inquisitive look across everyone at the table before landing back on mom.

“Remember honey, Will asked for them to join us. This is Richie’s first Thanksgiving in Hawkins.” Richie had moved to put his hand on my leg. A silent comfort that begged the question are you okay ? I gave a small nod, hoping it went unnoticed to everyone else at the table.

“Well, welcome boys. Glad to see you are staying out of trouble and making my day easier at the station.” It was comical at this point how horrible Hopper was at small talk, especially since he wasn’t as familiar with Richie.

“Oh we are just getting started sir. I plan to make a visit before the nights over.” I took in a sharp breath. Don’t let his idiotic jokes ruin things. Please!

“He’s funny too. I really like this one. Or at least that better be a joke.” He turns and gives Richie a stern look before settling back in his seat with a laugh. El and Johnathan both give me a knowing smile.

“Absolutely sir! Just your good ole trashmouth here. I might not get in trouble too much, but sometimes my mouth might. I come by the jokes pretty naturally.” Good! This is going good.

“Did you just call yourself trashmouth?”

“It was my nickname back when I lived in Derry. I definitely lived up to it.”

“Oh he definitely did Hop! You should have seen him around his friends when we went to pick him up. It was hilarious!” I saw the slightest hint of a smile on Hopper’s face at the way Mike lit up talking about Richie. Hopper has never been the most fond of Mike, especially after dating Eleven. But you can’t mistake that look. Maybe he does care a bit about him after all.

“This one has been good for ya kid, hasn’t he?” He grabbed Mike by the shoulder as he said it.

“Definitely, but not as good as he’s been for Will.” Everyone’s heads snapped in his direction. Each of us kids in concern, mom and Hopper in confusion. “Shit.”

That’s when everyone’s eyes met mine waiting for my next move. My plan had flown out the window a total of five seconds ago. This was going to have to be pulled completely out of my ass. I didn’t know if I could do it now. There’s no going back. I have to say it now. My leg was bouncing so fast, the silverware on the table was shaking. Richie’s hand that was once on my leg in comfort now just felt like it was in my way of the impending direction my leg was flying up and down. Nothing was going to calm me down. All of the color had drained from my face.

“So this is not exactly how I planned for this to go.” I let out a nervous laugh but their eyes all stayed fixed on me, unmoving. “God, I wanted everyone to eat dinner first and then we could have a slice of pumpkin pie. Maybe sit around and watch the football game. Anything more relaxing than this. But when has anything ever gone to plan in my life?” Richie’s hand now moved from my leg to my hand, intertwining our fingers in a last ditch effort to calm me down.

“Honey, is everything okay?”

Jonathan filled in before I could answer. “Yes, mom. He’s okay.” Before shooting an angry look in Mike’s direction that most clearly said this is your fault .

“Johnathan! I can speak for myself.” He calmed down after that, returning his gaze to me. “There is something I have wanted to tell you all for a long time. It’s really hard for me to say and for a really long time it was hard for me to even accept. Richie helped me to understand it’s okay to be who I am and to love myself even though I’m different. He taught me that I’m not a mistake. He taught me that it’s okay if I’m gay.”

The room was completely silent for a few minutes, all contemplating the extent of what I just said. As if it finally clicked, my mom was rushing over to hug me with tears in her eyes. “Of course baby. You aren’t a mistake. You are absolutely perfect just the way you are. It doesn't matter who you like. I’m so sorry we ever let you feel like you were a mistake.”

“You didn’t mom. You and Johnathan never did. It was dad that held me back for so long. His words always coursed through me any time I tried to accept who I was. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of being right.” Tears were streaming down my face now.

“To hell with fucking Lonnie! That man has always been a piece of shit.” Hopper piped in to my surprise. I looked at him with eyes wide. “I’m proud of you kid. I always will be. You’ve been so strong for so long. If anyone could be strong enough to handle this hateful world, it’s you.” Then he turned straight to Richie and placed his hand directly on top of the one that wasn’t holding mine. “Thank you for being there for him. Thank you for showing him something good in life. Thank you for making him not feel like a mistake. I knew I liked you kid.” He moved his hand back away with a chuckle.

“Well, to be honest sir, I would be a pretty bad boyfriend if I didn’t show him how to love himself, now wouldn’t I?” 

At that point Hopper was out of his chair, grabbing Richie up from his and pulling him into one of the most loving hugs I have ever seen Hopper give anyone in the four years I’ve known the man. Then with an outstretched arm, he pulls me and mom into the hug as well. Tears falling from all of our eyes. It wasn’t long before Johnathan, El, and even Mike were joining in with us. 

I don’t know why I ever doubted that their reaction would be anything less. I’ve never felt more at home. My family is my home, even as blended as it may be with a new stepfather and an adopted stepsister. Mike is my home. The most accepting best friend I could ever ask for. But most importantly, Richie is my home. The person who gave me the world and showed me how to be happy in it.

I am home.

Chapter Text

I'm Strong, But He's Stronger

Richie's POV

I never expected that I would be spending Thanksgiving afternoon on the couch in the Byers-Hopper house with Will cuddling up into my arms freely. I never would have expected that his entire family would be gathered around us happily giving us glances that adorn soft smiles of content. They were just happy Will was happy. They were happy we were happy. 

I really couldn’t be more grateful for the acceptance and support. It’s something I envied for my own family. It’s not that I couldn’t tell them about myself. About being with Will. It’s just that I didn’t know what their reaction would be. After all, I’ve only known them for two months. Telling the Party is one thing. I can find new friends if I have to. I’ve already had to find a new family though and that was one of the roughest parts of my life. It scares me. Not much in this world does scare me, but the thought of losing the first people in my life to actually choose me absolutely terrifies me. Though I wish for nothing more than to risk that fear in order to be true to myself. It’s a constant tug-a-war I’ve been having with myself since the day I moved in. They’ve made me feel so loved since the beginning. They’ve never made me doubt their love.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when the phone started ringing. I shifted around to take a look at Will’s watch, but only read 3:14PM. Maybe it was a family member calling to tell everyone happy Thanksgiving. I didn’t know the extent of their extended family. Maybe they had a distant relative that could never make it to town. But of course that wouldn’t be the case. Joyce had gotten up to answer the phone, leaving us to soak up the last little bit of time together before we had to go home. “Yes, I will let them know. Thank you for letting me know Karen.” Shit. Why is she being like this? Joyce hung up the phone and slowly made her way back into the living room. “I’m sorry boys. Your mom says it’s time to start heading home now.”

“That’s bullshit!” I slammed my fist down against the couch next to me. Maybe I had just worked myself up a little bit too much earlier thinking about telling them, but it definitely came out a lot more aggressively than I planned for it. 

Hopper gave me a warning look. Before Mike started in. “Come on Rich. We are lucky we even got this much. We don’t want to push it.”

“I can drive you boys home. I planned to head over to see Nancy soon anyways.” Jonathan offered, standing up from his place where he had been leaning against the loveseat on the floor.

“Wait, you are going to see Nancy? You are going to eat dinner with us?”

“Yeah, I have the past two years.”

“Why didn’t Nancy come over here then?”

“Like Mike said, you are pretty lucky she let you boys out of her sight today.” He could sense where this conversation was going and the air was starting to get uncomfortable.

I turned to look at Will who’s face told me he knew where it was going too. “Will, I don’t want to leave you. Come with us.”

Mike reached forward and grabbed my wrist to pull me up off the couch. “That’s not a good idea.”

At the same time Will and Johnathan joined in saying, “he’s right.”

I looked to Joyce and Hopper who just gave me an uneasy shrug. It wasn’t up to them and they knew that. They would have let Will come in a heartbeat, but they also knew how the Wheeler’s could get when it came to their sacred dinners. 

“El, did you ever come over on holidays?” Mike’s eyes went wide at this question. He knew I wouldn’t back down when I got the answer that I already knew was coming. 

“Last year I came over for Christmas.” His and Johnathan’s shoulders both dropped in defeat. Will on the other hand had brought his knees up to his chest and was trying to make himself as small as possible.

I slowly pulled his knees away while looking straight into his eyes. “It’s okay Will.”

“Richie, it’s not okay. The only reason Johnathan and El got to go over there on holidays is because they were dating Nancy and Mike.”

“Right, and you are dating me.” I could hear everyone take in a deep breath.

“They don’t know that though. They won’t want me there.”

“But I want you there.” Will looked so unsure, but ultimately he got up off the couch.

“This is for you okay.”

“Will, you don’t have to do this. Richie, you can’t force him to do this.” Mike had come over to grab Will’s shoulders, not letting him walk any farther.

“For once, I have to agree with Mike on this, Will.” Jonathan was leaning against the door frame now with his keys waiting for the final decision which I know he hoped wouldn’t include Will.

Will instinctively grabbed my hand. “I’ll be okay.” 

Joyce, Hopper, and El all came up to hug us goodbye before we piled into Johnathan’s car. He blared the music and no one said a word the whole ride. Everyone was uncomfortable about what would happen when they see Will walk in.

Jonathan was the first to walk in followed by me, Mike, and then finally Will. “Hi Johnathan! It’s nice to see you honey. Oh, Will. I didn’t know you were coming.” All of us shot her a nasty look daring her to say more.

“Sorry Mrs. Wheeler. Richie asked me to come.” He looked so small trying to talk to her. It was the complete opposite of how they interacted earlier in the week. He almost looked scared and I wanted so badly to pull him into my arms and never let him go, shielding him against the world.

“I wish you would have talked to me, Richie.” She gave a stern look which I knew meant we would definitely be having a talk after dinner. “But I’m glad to have you too honey. You go have fun and I’ll call you to dinner at 6PM.”

Johnathan cocked his eyebrows to say I told you so , before he walked upstairs to go see Nancy. The rest of us went down to the basement to watch a movie until dinner was ready.

When she walked down into the basement to tell us it was time for dinner, Will was laying against my shoulder cuddled in a blanket. Mike sat on the other side of the couch, not nearly as close as us, but not too far away. She cleared her throat and wore a stoic expression. “Dinner is ready.” Then she turned away before she could witness anything more. It was incriminating enough as it was. She didn’t have to see our legs tangled together or our hands intertwined to know that this wasn’t just friend behavior. She didn’t look comfortable with the situation, but she also didn’t chew our heads off on the spot. I had the slightest bit of hope. Rather it be that she didn’t suspect anything at all or that she didn’t care, I wasn’t sure. The quick look Mike gave me confirmed that I wasn’t just seeing things. It actually happened. Shit shit shit.

We climbed the stairs to see that everyone else was already sitting at the table. “Boys.” Dad gave a nod signaling for us to take a seat. “Will.” Why the hell did he have to separate him out like that? The whole table gave him a look, even mom.

Mike actually stepped in before I could. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Language son. It was just an acknowledgement.” We slowly dropped into our seats scared to see the direction he went with this conversation that started before anyone could even stick a bite in their mouth.

“Right, but why did you separate Will out?” I was proud to see Mike standing his ground. Jonathan looked like he was going to blow a gasket. He knew exactly what he was doing with those words, but this isn’t his house. This isn’t his place and he knows that.

“I just didn’t know he was coming, is all. It is Thanksgiving after all.”

It was my turn to step in. I put my hand on Mike’s shoulder to let him know I was taking over. “Right, it’s Thanksgiving and I wanted him here.”

He let out a little huff of a laugh before taking a second to calm himself down and think over the situation. “Okay, I’m not going to be the bad guy. He can stay. You didn’t know Richie. For next time, we only have family over for holiday dinners. Or at least ask us first.” Mom gave me a quick look reliving that moment she saw just a few minutes earlier.

My blood was boiling at this point though. I wasn’t going to take this bullshit anymore. “Johnathan isn’t family and he’s here.” Here it goes. The entire table of kids were giving me death stares. It wasn’t going to be pretty and everyone here knew it. 

“Johnathan is Nancy’s boyfriend, son.” 

Without missing a beat, I said with the calmest expression I possibly could, “exactly.” The entire room froze. There it was. It was out there for everyone to know. The only one that didn’t quite get it was dad.

“What do you mean by that, son?” Will quickly grabbed my hand under the table. I held back tightly. My lifeline.

“If Nancy can invite over her boyfriend, then I can invite over mine.” Jonathan squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip. Nancy’s eyes were wide as ever at the fact I had actually said it. Mike reached over to grab my other hand. And Will, surprisingly enough, just wore a smirk. God, that beautiful face was enough to let me know it was all worth it.

“Excuse me?” He was starting to get heated now. Shit.

“Ted!” Mom warned.

“No, I want to hear what dad has to say.” Mom bit back a breath when she looked at me. She could see the fire in my eyes. “Will is my boyfriend so he has just as much of a right to be here as Johnathan does.”

“I always knew that the Byers boy was a fag. But you son, this is news to me. You fags always have to make it so dramatic. Couldn’t you have told me any other time besides Thanksgiving dinner?” He said it like it was no big deal. He didn’t seem to be angry, but he definitely was uneducated on how hurtful those words would be. 

Jonathan had already rushed around the table to pull us up from our seats to hold in a hug away from him.

That’s when Mike pushed his chair out. He was seeing red. I have never seen him this angry. “You’re not going to talk to my brother and my best friend that way!”

Jonathan had started taking us upstairs to my room away from the events that would play out afterwards. I put my hands over Will’s ears so that he would have to hear what else he had to say to Mike. But I heard it… I heard it all.

“I’m not being mean about it. Is it really bad of me to wish that my son wasn’t a faggot? It’s not like I’m going to kick him out or anything. He can’t help it that his parents didn’t raise him right. Had he come home with us the day you did, he would have turned out better.” Tears were running down my cheeks. I felt so horrible for Mike. I knew those words hurt him even more than they hurt me. I’ve had years to accept myself. Those words said he accepted me under the condition that he didn’t raise me. But Mike? Oh god Mike. And that’s when I heard it. He was so fucking brave.

“Then what’s your excuse for me? Because you did raise me and I’m still one of those fucking faggots.” Then the bedroom door shut and I couldn’t hear anything else they said.

I drug Will across the room to the bean bag chair I had sitting in the corner. I pulled him down into my lap and rocked him back and forth. Jonathan had slid down to the floor in front of the door, leaning back until he banged his head against it. “Are you okay, Will?” I whispered in his ear.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you okay, Richie?” He could see the tears. He knew I wasn’t, but I had to stay strong for him.

“I will be. I’m so sorry I asked you to come. I didn’t expect that to happen.”

“It’s okay, Richie. I promise. I’m proud of you for being strong. I know that took a lot of guts.”

“Not as much as Mike.” He turned to look me directly in the eyes. “When I covered your ears, dad said some pretty mean things. Mike didn’t take any shit.”

As if on cue, there was a knock at the bedroom door and Johnathan gets up to peek and see who it is. He quickly opened the door and I could hear screaming downstairs, but Nancy had Holly on her hip and Mike wrapped around her other side in tears. Will moves to the side so that I can get up and run over to him.

I squeezed him into the tightest hug I have ever given anyone before. “I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud.” Tears were streaming down both of our faces and our sobs had become audible.

“I wasn’t going to let him talk about you and Will like that.” And then a little quieter as if he was afraid, he added in, “About me like that.”

Will’s eyes perked up when he said that. “Mike?” All Mike could do was aggressively nod. His energy gone from everything he mustered into the words he yelled at our father. Will came running just as fast as I did with his arms stretched wide. “You could have told me. You know I would be the last person on this earth to judge you.” 

“That’s false. You might be his best friend that’s also gay, but I’m his brother that’s also gay. I think I hold that title.” The two boys both let out a chuckle. “Thank you so much for standing up for us. You are so strong, but you didn’t have to do that. I love you Mike.”

“Yes I did. I had to for you and I would do it again every single time if we went back in time and replayed that shit because you are my brother Richie. I would do anything for you. I love you too.”

There was a light knock on the door. One I barely heard over the conversation we were holding. But Johnathan gave me a quick look, knowing that everyone safe was already in the room. I took a deep breath and walked over to the door. Jonathan took over my place at Will side, sandwiching him in between himself and Mike. How am I so damn lucky to have this group of people in this room? I pulled the door open a crack and crossed my arms in front of myself, closing off my body.

Mom went to open her mouth to say something, but I beat her to it. “You can say whatever the hell you want to say to me. I don’t fucking care. I can handle this shit. My parents were shitty about it too so don’t even let him bring up that stupid ‘not raising me shit.’ I’ve been through this before. But I will not let you talk to Will like that.”

She pulled me into a hug before I could even understand what was happening. “I came to apologize for your father. We had a huge argument. He’s going to drop it and we aren’t going to mention it again. No word when you bring over Will. No word when Mike brings over whatever guy he is interested in. And I know I can’t stop Will from sleeping over because that wouldn’t be fair to Mike since he’s his best friend, but he does still have to sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. It’s the agreement we came to.”

“You’re okay with this? Cause he’s clearly not so if we made it this far then you must have been the one to push for it.”

“Yes honey. This doesn’t change how much I love you two. You will always be my sons.” Mike had made his way over now seeing that Will wasn’t at risk anymore. She pulled him into a hug too.

I slowly pulled away before asking, “But what about earlier? You didn’t seem happy when you caught us earlier.”

“Wait, she caught you earlier? What the hell were you doing?” Jonathan piped up, getting defensive over Will again.

“We were cuddling on the couch.” I rolled my eyes as I looked back at him over my shoulder. He started laughing at the fact that cuddling would be considered getting caught . Oh the luxury to be straight, when your only fear is your parents walking in on you having sex. I, on the other hand, couldn't be caught dead in a compromising position without being found guilty.

“I wasn’t angry at you son. I was worried. That was the moment I confirmed my suspicions about the two of you. It’s not new news. I’ve had a feeling for a little while after watching you all run around with your friends. You two have been stuck together like glue. It almost reminded me of Mike and Will when they were little.” Both Mike and Will’s faces blushed at the accusation she was making about the two of them. An accusation I knew at that moment was right, even if neither of them knew the other returned their feelings. “But I knew your father wouldn’t agree with me on the situation. I was scared that it would come out before I had the chance to ease him into the idea. My fear came true. I didn’t want that to happen, but I couldn’t stop it.”

That’s when we all heard the doorbell ring downstairs. “Is there anyone else supposed to be coming over?”

“Not that I’m sure of honey.”

The whole group made their way down the stairs and surrounded the door to see who could possibly be stopping by. When I opened up the door I couldn’t possibly believe who I was seeing.

What a way to top off this crazy rollercoaster of a day.

Chapter Text

Fill the Void

Mike's POV

Tonight was a complete shit show.

I knew it would be. I fucking knew it would be. But once Richie gets an idea in his head, he’s going to make it happen. He wasn’t going to leave Will. God, if I was him I wouldn’t either. Thanksgiving at the Byers-Hopper house was amazing. They’ve always made me feel like family and they accepted Richie and Will with open arms. I’m so fucking jealous. I knew if I was to ever come out to my parents, it would not be that easy. And If Troy’s parents ever found out about us… I might actually be a dead man. But the moment Richie walked out the door with Will, I knew I would have to protect his ass. I didn’t plan to say the words I did. Never. If I had it my way, Ted Wheeler would never know about my little secret attraction to boys. It’s just better that way. Fuck my life. The way he talked about Will enraged me to a point of no return. I was standing up for my friend. My best friend. But the moment he blamed the Tozier’s parenting for Richie’s sexuality, I was gone. I couldn’t believe he would be so fucking stupid. I know Richie could still hear him. But it wasn’t about that. His words cut so much deeper. He accepted Richie only because he had no part in raising him. But me? Oh god, I was pissed. Those words slipped out of my mouth before I could even think about what I was doing. There it was, all out on the table. I heard the bedroom door shut and there was silence for a good minute before anything else was said. And then everything came crashing down even harder.

“I don’t know what kind of joke you think this is Michael. You don’t get to just say you are a fag because your brother is. This isn’t a way to defend him. You are walking a very tight line right now. No son of mine is one of those queers.” He seemed completely serious. He thought I was fucking joking. 

“You don’t get to tell me what my sexuality is. I can fuck whoever I want. I like girls. I like guys. I’m bisexual. Who fucking cares!” Sometimes things just slip out of my mouth and I don’t think of how much worse they could make the conversation. This was definitely one of those times. A major fuck up on my part, but that kind of seemed like the theme of the night. 

“Michael! That language is unacceptable. And you better not be having sex with anyone at your age, no matter if you are queer or not.”

“I’m not for your information. But even if I was, it’s still my choice.” 

I could see the fire in his eyes as he stood up from his chair and slammed his hands down on the table. “I think it is if you are under my roof. You will not be bringing queers into my house.”

“Ted! That’s enough! Nancy, take Mike and Holly upstairs.” Mom had pushed her chair back so hard that it tipped over. Was she actually standing up for me?

The next thing I knew, I was in my bedroom surrounded by the others. I hadn’t noticed the angry tears that had streamed down my face. I honestly didn’t even feel like I was inside my own body. Adrenaline ran through every vein, pushing out my soul to just sit back and watch the trainwreck happen. I wasn’t even two steps inside the door before I was slammed into a hug by Richie. If he was talking, I didn’t hear it. If I was responding, it was involuntary. I only came two after I noticed Will had me in just as tight of a hug as Richie. Fuck, Will knew. 

It wasn’t very long until there was a knock on the door and Richie took the lead in opening it. I stood back with Johnathan to make sure we protected Will. I would take a million punches if it meant he didn’t have to take one. God, this is so fucked up. But nothing bad happened. It was actually, dare I say good? I mean it wasn’t great by all means, but mom was accepting us. All of us. She also respected us enough to make some ground rules which meant she was really trying for us. I’ve never seen her fight for what she wants with dad. Ever. This must have really affected her. 

The moment didn’t last long though. That’s when the doorbell rang to top off the entire shitty night. It’s Thanksgiving. Who could possibly be at our doorstep on Thanksgiving?

Still not feeling like I was completely there, I sat back and watched as Richie opened the door. Within seconds he was wrapped in a hug. “Richie!” What the fuck? When he pulled away, I could see that it was Eddie. SHIT. Then I looked back over to the front door that still stood open and I saw the rest of the Losers giving me a big wave. Will and Johnathan were giving me both terrified and confused looks. As if this night wasn’t fucked up enough. An unannounced visit from the Losers, including Eddie, would definitely put us through the ringer.

That’s when Bev noticed that we all weren’t okay. “Wait Eddie.” She pulls him away from Richie and goes up to look at him closely and then walks over to me afterwards. “Are you boys okay?”

“I’m going to leave you boys, and girl,” mom quickly adds, “to talk.” She was clearly as nervous as we were about the situation. “Feel free to put your things in the basement. You all planned to stay here didn’t you?”

The entire group sheepishly nodded their heads before following Richie’s lead into the basement. It felt weird. Richie actually didn’t seem comfortable. Was it them showing up unannounced? Was it Eddie? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but he’s been pretty speechless for a while so it was definitely starting to scare me. 

Will leans into my shoulder on the way down the basement stairs and whispers in my ear, “who are these people?”

I give a nervous laugh. “It’s the Losers.” His eyes go wide in realization. He must have realized that the person who hugged Richie was Eddie. I felt horrible for Will.

After everyone sat their bags down and found a seat around the basement, the thick air started to thin a little bit more. Will, Richie, and I took our normal spots on the couch. I wasn’t about to give Eddie the chance to fuck anything else up. The rest of the Losers found their seats in an arrangement of bean bag chairs and dad’s old lazy-boy that we moved down here after he got a new one.

“So umm— what are you all doing here?” He was so nervous. 

“You sound like you aren’t happy to see us Rich.” Eddie chipped in. Bev gave him a hard punch to the shoulder.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“It’s just been a rough night.” He glanced at me and Will, both of us wearing matching expressions of fatigue.

“Do you want to talk about it? You know we’ve always been good listeners.”

“It’s not fully my decision.” I knew exactly what he meant by this. Even after everything, he would rather keep his feelings inside than out me or Will. How can he be so headstrong and selfless at the same time?

“It’s okay Richie.” Will said, laying his hand on his knee. It was enough to know he meant it without embarrassing Richie in front of everyone. But I was a little worried it wasn’t enough.

I took a long, deep breath before slowly nodding. The worst of it has already happened. I made it through coming out to my parents. These people actually accept Richie. They will accept me too. Richie’s eyebrows perk up at my reaction. “Are you sure?” The Losers looked around confused by the interaction. They didn’t know the extent that this conversation would take. They didn’t realize that this isn’t just them learning about this horrible night and the sexuality of the members on this couch. This was my first day ever telling anyone besides Richie. My best friend didn’t even know until a few minutes prior. 

Will glanced up at Richie before turning around and hugging me deeply. “You’re so strong Mike. I’m proud of you, okay. You don’t have to be this strong though. It’s a lot for one day.”

“The worst of it is over Will. It doesn’t get worse than what I just went through.” With that, a silent tear escaped on his cheek. I gently wiped it away and looked to Richie to signify I was sure of this. He began retelling the story of tonight, stopping just short of the words said as they were walking up the stairs. This part he left for me. What I didn’t realize is Will hadn’t heard any of it that went down. His look of bewilderment scared the shit out of me.

“What the hell? He said that to you?” Will was actually starting to get angry.

“You didn’t hear it? I thought you knew because you were hugging me once I made it back up to the bedroom.”

“I covered his ears, Mike. It all started as digs towards him. He had heard enough. I wasn’t about to let him hear any more.”

“I realized when Richie started talking about how proud he was of you and how you didn’t have to do that. And then you said you did it for us and for yourself. That’s how I knew Mike. It wasn’t just some slip up. You told me.”

“I— I don’t remember any of the conversation upstairs. I wasn’t fully there.” Everyone in the room gave me sad looks and nothing more was really said about the topic. The Losers didn’t really treat us any different. Or well me. They already knew Richie was gay and they hadn’t met Will in person before.

But what I thought was finally going to be the uphill stretch of the night, started to go downhill again. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person, Will! Mike told us all about your story when he was in Derry.” Eddie’s passive aggressive tone was bone chilling. I could tell he wasn’t actually a fan of Will for some reason. Will looked a little scared at the fact that all of these people knew . I had to lean over and whisper in his ear that it was just the cliffnotes version and that definitely relieved some tension. “So are you two together?”

“Who Eddie? There’s three of us on this couch. You’re going to have to be more specific.” I knew exactly who he was talking about and I knew why too. I wasn’t excited for where this was going.

“Well of course Will and you, Mike.” If my face was red, I was blaming it on the rage. He seemed so calm, but I could feel the bite behind it and I knew that Will could too. Everyone in the room froze waiting for the answer.

“We are just best friends Eddie. We have been since we were five.” I was trying so hard to stay calm. I didn’t want to be the one to out their relationship again. I just hoped to god that Richie actually would say something about it.

“What a shame. I can see a real connection there. You would make a great couple.” I snapped my neck over at Richie. Do something! All he did was sit there like he was in a trance. Fuck it.

“Maybe we could be, but that would be wrong of me, wouldn’t it, Richie.” My tone was turning more aggressive by the minute. Everyone was on the edge of their seats just waiting to hear the explanation.

“Yeah— Yeah it would be.” His eyes were so wide. Why wasn’t he fucking saying it? Will’s eyes were tearing up. So much for mr. nice guy. If Richie wasn’t going to say it then I was, for Will’s sake.

“See Eddie, I don’t steal other people’s boyfriends. Especially when they are dating my brother.” Was it a dig at what he was attempting to do? Absolutely. Did I care? 100% not. He deserved that shit.

“Oh… Rich, why didn’t you tell us?” His tone completely shifted. He almost sounded hurt.

“I haven’t talked to you all in months. I’m sorry I didn’t expect you to show up on my doorstep.”

“We’re s-sorry R-Rich. W-we thought y-you would be h-happy to s-see us.” Bill stepped in, trying to get Eddie out of the spotlight.

“Like I said, it was just a bad time.” 

I couldn’t take this anymore. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t handle any more shit going wrong. “I’m going to run to the restroom real quick.”

As I was ascending the stairs, I could hear someone say, “there’s a bathroom down here though.” I couldn’t put a voice to the name and I didn’t care to. I was getting out of here. I ran upstairs to my bedroom and grabbed my backpack, throwing in my walkie, a hoodie, and any other items I might need in the next few hours. Possibly even overnight. I didn’t really feel like coming back anytime soon. It all hurt too much. My dad’s words. Eddie’s words. You would make a great couple . Yeah we fucking would, but I’m too late. I opened up the bedroom window and climbed down the side of the house. There’s only one person I want to see right now. Troy.

I walked around the back of the house to find his window. It was well after 9PM so I wasn’t about to risk knocking on the door and his parents finding out. Troy has always said they go to bed early. As long as I’m quiet, we can hang out in his room after they go to sleep. I grabbed a few little pebbles out of their garden and tossed them against his window until he finally noticed and let me in.

“You look like shit. Are you okay?” He grabbed at my waist and for the first time all night, I actually felt good. It made the bad things start to slip from my mind.

“No. Tonight was shit.” That’s all I wanted to say right now. I couldn’t talk about it again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His forehead was touching mine now. It was so intimate and arousing.

“No, I just want you.” I was dead serious with my words, tone stoic.

He leaned back and gave a little chuckle. “I’m literally right here, Mike.”

“You don’t understand. I want to fuck you.”

“Shit Mike. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Shut up. Just let me fuck you.” I surged my lips forward, crashing into him. It was heated and messy, but welcomed all the same. He moved his hands up to my head, running his fingers through my hair, tugging here and there at the strands to deepen the kiss. I grabbed him by the belt loops and thrusted his hips into mine. I was already hard and so was he.

With all of my might, I took his hips and pushed him backwards. He stumbled awkwardly, falling onto the bed. “Mike.” It was breathless. He was beautiful laying there panting, waiting for me.

“I said shut up.” I climbed on top of him, lowering my body down slowly until we laid flush against each other. My lips moved down his neck and he was letting out little hums of pleasure. I moved my hands up gently, rifting under his shirt. The bottom hem of his shirt rode up as I did. His creamy, smooth skin ignited me. I quickly pulled it off and proceeded to kiss all up and down his chest, ghosting over the waistband of his jeans.

His eyes lusted over, but he also looked terrified. God, he’s so fucking beautiful. “Mike. Mike I haven’t ever—”

“Me either.” It was all he needed to give in. He grabbed at my shirt, pulling it up. I sat up on his lap and teasingly pulled it over my head slowly. The moment I finally relieved myself of the fabric, he aggressively pulled me back down on top of him, kissing me hard and fast. It was needy and breathless. Full of arousal. Full of lust.

I moved my hands to his belt and fumbled around until I could finally get it off. After sliding his jeans off, I stood up and took my own off, much quicker than the shirt. I didn't want to play around anymore. I needed this and I needed it now. Every touch made me forget more and more about what happened earlier.

“You’re beautiful, Mike.” It caught me so off guard that I stumbled with my jeans at my feet. He chuckled and stood up to meet me across the room. He kissed me on the forehead and slowly started working his way down my body until he reached the hem of my underwear. Slowly he hooked his finger and pulled down, revealing every last square inch of my body.

Within seconds, his mouth was around me, slowly licking a stripe down the base. “Fuck Troy. Fuck that’s hot.” He continued to work slowly moving his head back and forth as my fingers laced through his hair. “You’re going to have to stop if you plan for this to last any time at all. I’m so fucking close right now.” Pleased with my words, he pulls off with a smirk on his lips and moves up to kiss me again before I threw him back down on the bed. 

His eyes looked up at me wildly from below. The first time our entire bodies made full contact. It was electrifying. “Do you have anything?” He gives me a quick confused look. “Lube. Condoms. Do you have any?” He audibly laughed before throwing a hand over his mouth hoping he didn’t wake up his parents. His door was locked just in case, but the matter was still the same. He rolled over and grabbed both out of his night stand drawer before throwing them down on the bed beside us.

My walkie in my bag started going off. “Mike? Mike, are you there? Do you copy?” It was Richie. He must have finally noticed I was gone.

“Do you need to answer that? He seems worried.” God, he was so sweet. I wanted to melt into his arms.

The radio sounded off again. “Mike please, where are you?” I got up and turned off the radio. Whatever he was worried about could wait.

I walked back over to the bed, devouring Troy in kisses as I got the lube ready on my fingers to work on him. The first finger I slipped in seemed to light him up and he was writhing underneath me already. I worked for quite some time before adding a second finger. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. With the second finger, I was starting to find my groove. Even finding his prostate and banging against it a few times. He melted every single time. I added in a third finger for good measure. A final stretch. “Mike, I need you now! I’m not going to last much longer.”

With that, I gently pulled out my fingers and wiped them on the comforter beside me before grabbing the condom and rolling it on. I lined myself up and slowly pushed myself inside him. It felt insane and warm and the pressure was amazing. The reality that I could have let myself go right there was earth shattering. I held off though. I had a few more inches until I bottomed out. Once I finally did, I stalled for a few seconds, letting Troy catch his breath. He was a mess of emotions underneath me. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?” His smile widened and he finally started to open up his eyes. It was time. I started to pull myself back out before quickly thrusting my hips back in. His moans were loud and he threw his hands over his mouth. But god, what his noises did to me. I grabbed his hands and pushed them over his head, holding them tight against the mattress as I thrusted in again. “I want to hear you.”

At that, he was unloading on his stomach and I was slamming even harder into him. With one last push, I followed suit before collapsing on top of him. It made me feel ethereal. I never wanted to leave his side. Both of us were breathless, sweaty, and covered in his mess. It was so disgustingly beautiful.

After a few minutes, I finally started to pull myself out. The cold air hit immediately, making me shiver and long to be back inside him. I helped him clean up and we both put our underwear on before laying back down to cuddle into each other.

He played with my hair as I held him in my arms. After several minutes of content quiet, Troy finally worked up the courage to talk. “Mike?” I hummed in response. “We— we really need to talk about it. I know it might be difficult for you and I can tell you’re hurting, but I need you to talk to me about what happened tonight. Don’t get me wrong, this was so hot and I loved every second of it was you, but something definitely pushed you to this decision. You were clearly upset when you came through the window. What were you trying to forget?” I looked at him with pleading eyes. I wanted to scream don’t make me say it . But I knew he wasn’t going to let this go.

I started explaining from the very beginning. My jealousy as I watch Richie and Will get to be themselves around Will’s family. Then dinner where dad segregated Will. Richie’s blow up where he came out. Me defending both of them. Dad’s horrible words about Richie. My own coming out. Him not believing me. Going back to my room with everyone else so that my parents could fight. My mom reassuring us that everything would be okay. All of Richie’s friends showing up. Eddie’s clear intentions of being his usual self around Richie. Eddie’s words to me and Will. Richie refusing to be the one to say anything about their relationship. The tears in Will’s eyes. The looks on their faces when I was the one that told them. The feeling of having to get out of that house. And finally just wanting to forget it all in his arms.

Troy was squeezing me tightly the entire time. I wanted to be strong, but I couldn’t stop the tears from coming down. He took his time wiping away every tear that escaped. It could have been minutes or hours that I spent in his room that night. But all the same, it felt like I was home. Though I knew his house would never be my home, Troy felt like my home.

“What time is it?” I asked groggily. I was so tired after the day I’d had. I knew I would have to go home soon. No matter how bad I wanted to stay here with him all night, I knew it would be a terrible idea. Richie would kill me and grill my ass on where I was. He’s probably going to do that anyway after that radio call. And heaven forbid Troy’s parents figure out that I stayed the night here. It was best that I didn’t stick around too much longer.

“It’s 12:17AM.” He sounded so content, nuzzling his nose back into my neck after turning to look at his alarm clock on his night stand.

“Shit. It’s past my curfew. I really have to go Troy.” I got up and quickly started throwing my clothes on.

“Mike, stay.” His eyes were pleading. A look that said I don’t care about anything else, I just want you . I wanted so badly to climb back into his bed, but I knew I couldn’t

I walked over and gave him a soft kiss. “Richie will be worried. I never answered his calls and I’m out past curfew. I’d be surprised if they aren’t all out looking for me right now.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “I understand. Bye Mike. I really did enjoy tonight.”

“If I could stay I would Troy. It was one of the best nights of my life.” I couldn’t say the day because overall it was shit, but this night with him was everything. The only moment in my life that could top it was meeting Will. But he didn’t need to know that. “Goodbye Troy. I’ll see you at school.”

With that he jumped up and gave me a hug that I melted fully into and gave a final forehead kiss before shutting the window behind me as I climbed out.

My walk home was cold and lonesome. I wanted nothing more than to turn around. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to face all of those people who would be expecting an explanation. I didn’t have one I could easily give. Not one that wouldn’t hurt some feelings anyways. I could never tell Richie and Will where I was. Never.

As I climbed through the window, I noticed that Richie and Will were alone upstairs. They sat together in the bean bag chair. Will was in Richie’s lap as he rocked him back and forth, slowly and gently kissing his hands and wrists. Hearing my foot hit the carpet, Richie’s eyes snapped up in my direction. “Where the fuck were you?” His eyes were bloodshot and his tear stains were still visible. His reaction was angry and I knew I wasn’t getting out of this one.

That’s when I noticed the bandages.

Chapter Text

Crying Over Spilt Milk

Will's POV

I don’t really know how I ended up in this situation. I don’t really know how I found myself sitting alone on the Wheeler’s bathroom floor. Well, maybe I do. But maybe I also feel just as guilty for it. I just couldn’t control myself. It seemed like one bad thing after another was happening and I couldn’t control anything. I couldn’t control Eddie hugging Richie as soon as he opened the door. I couldn’t control the obvious hints that Eddie wasn’t a fan of me. I couldn’t control his questions about me and Mike being together, something that once would have filled me with joy to even be hinted at now filled me with dread. I knew what he was doing. He didn’t see a way that all three of us could be gay and one of them not be dating me. But he just hoped it wasn’t the one he secretly called his for all of those years. Richie gave him a chance and he turned it down. Does he really expect him not to move on?

I thought once Mike finally spit it out that I was dating Richie it would get better. I still don’t understand why Richie couldn’t just say it himself. It’s like he was frozen. Even the words Mike begged out of him felt forced. He wasn’t himself at all. But then Mike left the basement. The moment that door closed, Eddie jumped up from the floor and took Mike’s spot on the couch. No one else seemed to care. Their closeness was a normal thing to them. It made me sick to think about. Richie almost seemed to be robotic, falling into the motions of what was normal about their old hang outs.

Beverly could sense how uneasy I was and tried to distract me. They wanted to get to know the man that finally locked Richie Tozier down. They didn’t know about Connor. They clearly didn’t know there was something so clear between him and Eddie. If they did, they would know why I was so upset. But I wasn’t going to ruin this for him. These were his friends. The kids he grew up with. The kids he fought the supernatural being with. He hasn’t talked to them in two months. I can’t just take that away because I’m feeling insecure. Or maybe even a little jealous.

But after I had nothing else to explain about myself, they started in with their own conversations. I was feeling left out. Beverly was the only one that ever tried to bring me into the conversation. There was some kind of connection she made with me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on how we were alike, but I knew there was something. Everyone else just carried on like I wasn’t there. Clearly their group was established and they weren’t looking for new members.

I know that Richie sensed how uneasy I was, but there was something that was stopping him from doing anything about it. I truly don’t think he’s mentally here right now. He hasn’t touched me since that door opened. It felt foreign. Normally I can’t get him away. I know Mike could notice it too by the looks he was giving me earlier. Why hadn’t Mike come back yet?

I shook it off and stuck it out. It’s for Richie, I kept telling myself, but my mentality was slowly chipping away with every inch I saw Eddie move closer to Richie. But the moment that Eddie finally threw his legs up on Richie’s lap, everything inside me crumbled. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s nothing really. It shouldn’t bother me. But the fact that I knew how Richie feels, felt, I’m really not even sure which one anymore, about Eddie makes it hurt that much more. That’s when I saw Richie move for the first time all night. Though he didn’t push Eddie away. He didn’t reach over to touch me and reassure me that I’m his. He didn’t even get up showing Eddie he was clearly uncomfortable. No. He rested his hand on top of his legs. A welcoming touch that Eddie smiled into. Eddie shot me a quick look, knowing how much it hurt me. I was done.

I stood up off the couch. It wasn’t difficult since I didn’t have to pry myself off of Richie like I usually do. I was walking up the basement stairs without saying a word. Beverly stopped me midway, asking, “where are you going Will?”

“Bathroom.” It was all I could manage to squeak out. I didn’t want them to see me cry. I couldn’t.

Just as Richie said to Mike, “there’s a bathroom down here.” I couldn’t respond. I had to get out of there.

Just before I shut the door, I heard Eddie perk up. “He’s probably just going to find your brother.” I would have been so mad at the accusation if he wasn;t right. I needed to talk to Mike. I needed to talk to anyone really. Specifically someone who wasn’t in that basement before I blow my head off. 

I searched the entire main floor and upstairs for Mike. That’s when I noticed the bedroom window was open. He had enough too. God, I had enough. Why couldn’t he just push Eddie away? Why?

I walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I stood at the sink gripping the countertop hard as I finally looked up to see myself. I looked like a wreck. Tears were streaming all down my face. My eyes were puffy. I looked like I had been hit by a semi truck. Today has been emotionally draining. The more I thought about it all the worse I felt. It was all out of my control. I had to feel some control. I had to be able to control something for once today. Everything had been in everyone else's hands. I needed to control something.

I slid down the wall of the bathroom. My ass hit the tiles hard and I banged my head back against the wall. My hand was digging into my pocket before I stopped myself.

Don’t do it Will. You’ve done so good.

Yeah and look where it got me.

It’s been two months Will. Be strong a little while longer.

He was the only one keeping me strong.

That seemed to do the trick of shutting up the voice inside my head. I didn’t have my pretty line blade that I kept in my tin hidden under my dresser. I didn’t have my bandaids or any of the comfort items I normally associated with times like this. But I did have my pocket knife. It wouldn’t scar pretty. I knew I would always hate to look at these scars because they wouldn’t be pretty and straight. They would be ugly and jagged and broken. Just like me. I don’t like to look at myself. I definitely won’t like to look at those scars. But at this point it didn’t matter. Feeling that cut was all that was on my mind. Feeling that control as I held the knife in my hand.

I took my time, just as today took its time. Today has felt like months, slowly moving on bringing hurt after hurt. I wanted to make up for it. I pressed in deep until I saw the blood start to bead up at the surface. With every passing second I drug just a tiny bit further. How long had I been sitting here? I have no idea. All I knew is that blood was pooling from the jagged edges left by the serrated knife by the time I finally lifted it from my wrist. At this point, I would be lucky to finish the other arm before I passed out. I had never cut this deep. I had never lost this much blood. For the first time ever, I realized that I didn’t even have control over this. I can’t even get a grip on harming myself. It’s so fucked up. I made the second cut quick. I wanted it to hurt worse as I aggressively swiped it across my wrist, punishing myself for not being good enough the first time.

I wasn’t good enough for Mike. I wasn’t good enough for Richie. I’m not good enough for myself.

I felt my eyes get heavy as I layed with my back against the wall. I didn’t have the energy to clean myself up this time. All I could do was wait. Wait for someone to find me. Wait to pass out. Wait to bleed out. I didn’t know which I wanted more at this point. I felt so pathetic.

I was barely alert when I heard the knock on the door. I didn’t answer at first. Then the knocks got louder. “Will! It’s Bev. Are you okay?”

“Go away,” I said groggily. She could tell in my voice that something was wrong. I heard some clicking at the door knob and within a minute the door swung open and she put the bobby pin back in her hair. That’s when she saw it. “I told you to go away Bev.” I was curling up in a ball to hide the clearly obvious state I was in from her. I didn’t want to deal with it.

By the time I looked back up she was gone, but not for long. She returned this time with Richie. I was scared everyone else was going to come too. Just to see the circus animal on show if you know what I mean. It’s not everyday you get to see someone like me. A pathetic bitch like me.

Richie was scooping me up off the ground. The wall that had once held me up was gone and I was falling limp in his arms. Once again, losing control. He sat me down in the bathtub and started running water, not even waiting until it warmed up. He likes it cold . An involuntary shiver ran down my spine at the thought. He didn’t clog the drain until the water warmed up though. He thrusted my wrist forward under the tap, rinsing the slowly drying blood. “Bev, please go get the first aid kit. It’s in the closet at the end of the hall. And after you bring that in here, go get my walkie out of my room.” He continued gently rubbing over the tender skin until all of the red stain was gone. All that was left was the jagged edges of the freshly cut skin. 

After Bev dropped off his requested items, he turned to her, “don’t say a word to them. I swear you will all be gone before I can blink.” His voice was angry. Was he angry at me? He had to be angry at me. I fucked up again. She quickly nodded and ran from the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, he stripped my clothes that were now soaked and proceeded to fully wash me. It wasn’t the way I first imagined to be in this position in front of him. Though what can I say, my plans never work out. He didn’t seem to mind though. He spent his time being gentle and doting on me.

He lifted me out of the tub and wrapped me in a giant fuzzy towel and kissed me on the forehead. He made sure to first pat dry my wrists, being extra gentle with the irritated skin. Then he put bandaids on each side before continuing to dry off the rest of my body.

After he knew I was good and dry, he grabbed the walkie and started calling out for Mike. Right, Mike wasn’t here. “Mike? Mike, are you there? Do you copy?” After a few minutes of no answer, he pleads a little louder. “Mike please, where are you?” When he still didn’t get an answer. He sat the walkie down on the bathroom counter and picked me up. I saw there was still blood on the floor. I didn’t want him to leave me to clean it up, but I knew he couldn’t just leave it. His parents would question it. Either he didn’t see it or he didn’t care though.

He checked to make sure no one was in the hallway before carrying me over to his room. He sat me down on the bed and pulled out some of his own clothes for me to put on. They were all way too big for me, but for some reason I found so much comfort in that. After getting me dressed, he grabbed the walkie again. This time he called out to the entire Party asking if anyone had seen Mike. They all replied no and Richie’s eyes turned dark. He knew something I didn’t.

He then picked me up and carried me over to the bean bag chair in the corner of the room. Our spot . He was rocking me back and forth. It was so comforting. He ran his fingers through my hair and hummed out a song as I slowly started to come more and more too. Losing my sense of dizziness. He reached up and grabbed a glass of water and some crackers Bev had left for me on the nightstand. I gratefully took it, but consumed it slowly, afraid to overdo anything.

After several long minutes of him not saying a word to me, he finally spoke up. “Can you talk to me Will?” I broke into tears, but he only rocked me deeper.

“I am so sorry Richie.” I choked out between sobs.

“Shhhh. It’s okay Will. It’s all a process. Recovery isn’t linear. You’re going to have bad days. You’re going to have relapses.” His voice was so calm.

“I was doing so good though Richie.”

“And you still are. It’s one little road bump okay.” He kissed my forehead. “Are you comfortable talking about what triggered it?” I looked up to him with eyes full of pain. I didn’t want to hurt him. “Will, I already know it’s something I did. You’re not going to hurt me. It will actually hurt worse if you don’t tell me what I did wrong.”

“It’s a lot of things really. Not all of it is you. It was dinner tonight. It was the group of your friends showing up unannounced. And I knew that sounds bad, but I hadn't met them and I was a little uncomfortable because they were all so intimidating. And it was coming out again. And I know I told you it was okay. It was. I promise. There’s just been a lot of that here lately and it’s been overwhelming. And then I was getting left out of conversations. I felt like I didn't exist. It’s something I’ve really struggled with since the Upside Down. You know… not feeling real. You hadn’t touched me at all so that I could stay grounded. I just felt like I was in a long tunnel that kept stretching farther and farther away. And then there were Eddie’s questions. They felt like a slap in the face because I’m not Mike’s boyfriend. I’m yours. But you couldn’t say that. Why couldn’t you say that?”

“Will, I am so sorry you’ve felt like this. You know you can always talk to me about any of this right? I’m always here for you. As for not telling them, I kind of wasn’t there. Like I know I was physically down in that basement, but I felt like I couldn’t control anything. I was screaming in my head to do something. To say something. But I just couldn’t move. It’s like I entered a state of shock when I opened that door. It was the last person I expected to see. And I know it sounds horrible Will, but I haven’t talked to Eddie since the day I confessed to him and seeing him again hurt. It hurt so bad that I just shut off. And I don’t want to make excuses because it clearly hurt you, but I don’t know a better way to explain it to you Will. I don’t have feelings for him anymore. I can promise you that. But I guess it was just the initial shock.”

I took a minute to really take in everything he said. He was hurting too. Just in a completely different way. He was fully in his head. I knew he wasn’t himself, but I still let the idea of him choosing Eddie completely take me over. So bad that if Bev hadn’t come to find me when she did, I’m not sure there would have been anything to find.

“One last thing. The thing that sent me over the edge I guess. Eddie didn’t respect boundaries. He was all over you. And when he put his legs on top of yours, you rested your hand on top. You welcomed it in. I know you said you couldn’t control anything, but I thought you needed to know what really hurt me the most.”

“Look at me Will. It’s you I choose. Every single time. You are my first and only choice. I want to be with you. You are my everything. And the moment Beverly pulled me upstairs, my life without you flashed before my eyes. I don’t think I could do it. I know that sounds so unhealthy to depend on you so much, but you are my lifeline Will. Do you hear me? I need you more than anything in this world and I can’t imagine ever losing you. I can’t lose you.” Tears were streaming down my face again and he was gently wiping them away. He leaned in and gave me a long soft kiss, before working his way all over my body. He finally stopped at my wrists and took extra time kissing them gently. 

That’s when we heard a foot hit the floor. Both of our heads snapped up to see Mike climbing through the window. “Where the fuck were you?” Richie’s eyes were bloodshot and his tear stains were still visible. His reaction was angry and I could feel how his body instantly heated up. Mike looked terrified at the situation. He didn’t expect to get caught. He clearly knew that we knew he wasn’t home because of the radio calls, but I know he wasn’t expecting this.

That’s when he noticed the bandages. His eyes went wide in shock. “Wil!” 

“No you aren’t going to act like you care right now. Where did you go? Why didn’t you answer your radio? I called out for you forever ago.”

“I was trying to clear my head Richie. If you can’t tell, it's been a rough night for all of us.”

Richie’s eyes got dark again. What he said next was based purely on the erratic emotions everyone had been having. He would have never said it otherwise and I know that for a fact. “Which head were you trying to clear Mike?” His expression never faltered. He was dead serious and read Mike like a book. Mike spurted around, not able to find the words and that was satisfaction enough for Richie. I didn’t know what was going on. All I could do was sit there and listen to an inside conversation I wasn’t a part of once again. Except this time I wasn't with strangers. It was with my boyfriend and my best friend. 

“What are you talking about Richie?” I asked softly from below.

“It’s nothing Will. Nothing you need to worry about right now. You just need to focus on relaxing, okay sweetheart.” He kissed my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair again.

But his words were all that was on my mind now. Where was Mike? Who was he with? Why didn’t he answer his walkie? Is Mike with someone?

Who the hell is Mike with? What the actual fuck.

Chapter Text

More Than Words

Richie's POV

I had tucked Will into my bed after several minutes of convincing him that we not only called his mom and let him know he was staying the night, but also said mom wasn’t going to walk in and find him not to be in the sleeping bag on the floor. I will sleep in the damn sleeping bag tonight. God knows I deserve it. My mind was running a mile and minute and I couldn’t even keep track of everything I needed to do anymore. Everything seemed to be crashing in on me. I had to make sure Will was okay. Check. But I didn’t feel like I could leave his side. I needed to have a talk with Mike, but I was so scared Will would hear. If it goes where I think it will, then it will crush him. I can’t do that, especially now. And I also need to talk to Eddie and set things straight. I’m such an idiot. But this feels like the last thing I can do. Everything hurts when I think about it. 

“You have to talk to them, Richie.” Mike was sitting across the room on his bed reading a book. He could sense I was stressing out over this. Even so, his eyes never lifted off the page to look at me. 

“Yeah, but I also need to talk to you dipshit. But I can’t exactly do either right now because I can’t leave him.” I was steadily pacing the room now, running my fingers through my hair.

“I can sit right here and watch him. He will be just fine Richie.”

“But what if he wakes up and I’m gone. He will freak out. I can’t upset him again.”

“Calm down or you’re going to wake him up now. I’ll explain that you are setting boundaries with Eddie. He will understand.” But he won’t understand. He’ll think I left him again to hang out with Eddie again.

“But what if I can’t go down there and talk to them? What if I freeze up like last time? I can’t go back down there without you. But I also can’t just leave them down there wondering where I am. Bev is covering for me, but it will only work for so long.”

Mike sighs and closes his book, sitting up straight. “I’ll go get Nancy.”

“What no! I can’t admit any of that stuff in front of her. You’re the only one that knows about everything in Derry. Well, you and Will. And he’s not exactly the best option to take downstairs for a talk like this.” 

“I meant to watch Will, you idiot. Nancy can watch over Will and I’ll be right by your side the whole time.” He was already getting out of bed and walking to the door.

I started biting at my nails. It was a habit I had broke a long time ago, but desperate times call for desperate measures. It’s not like I can get the alcohol stashed in the basement before going down there. Noticing this as he was almost out the door, he turned back to me. “Look Richie. If you really love Will, you’ll talk to Eddie. You know how Will feels about it. He made it pretty obvious tonight. And if Eddie is really your friend, he will understand.” Then he walked out, only returning with a worried looking Nancy. “Look, we don’t have time for questions right now. We just need you to watch over Will for a little bit while we talk to everyone downstairs. It’s been a rough night for all of us, but Will took it pretty hard. Please just comfort him. We’ll be back soon.” She gave a silent nod and walked over to sit on the bed beside Will, carding her fingers through his hair gently.

As we walked down the stairs, I took the moment to check on Mike. It's been a rough day from him, just as much as any of us. I know he won't want to talk about what happened, but I just have to make sure he's okay mentally. “You took it pretty hard too, you know.”

His eyes went wide and he came to a complete stop midway down the stairs. “Are you insinuating I’m a bottom?” 

I couldn’t stop the laugh from coming out for the first time all night. “Oh my god Mike. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that everything hit you hard enough for you to feel like you had to sneak out of the house. But your answer does make me a bit curious…”

“Oh shut up Richie!” His cheeks were bright pink.

“Wait no! You have to be shitting my dick right now. Did you actually meet up with someone?”

“I’m not a bottom Richie,” He mumbled. It was the only response I could get. “Well, maybe a verse, but we aren’t going to talk about my sex life right now.”

“Is there a sex life to talk about? Last I knew there wasn’t. That would insinuate something happened tonight which I am totally down to hear the juicy details over. Do you have a boyfriend? Or is this some kind of sneaky link?” The way he was opening up was incredulous. I couldn't stop laughing.

All he did was roll his eyes and take off down the stairs. Oh my fucking god. Oh this I will definitely have to learn more about.

We walked down the stairs to the basement and all of the Losers’ heads turned to look at us. Beverly wore a sad smile. She really is the best for keeping them down here. Everyone else looked extremely confused on why we had been gone for so long. “It’s about time you guys came back! You left us down here waiting forever, Richie.” Beverly shot a scared look in Stan’s direction. He didn’t mean it in a bad way and I know that, but it still made me a bit angry.

“You know what Stan, fuck you! I’m sorry I had more important things to deal with.” We hadn’t even sat down yet and the basement was already insufferable. It was stuffy and I felt claustrophobic. Everyone’s faces scrunched up. Okay maybe that was a little too far. Maybe I shouldn’t have told my best friends who traveled for hours all day on Thanksgiving that I had more important things than them going on. But it was true. Will was more important. Will is always more important.

“You really had something more important than your friends who you’ve ignored for two months?” I could see it now. Now that my brain was finally clear and I was fully alert, I could see the underlying tone in Eddie’s voice. It’s like he was fighting a battle for my attention. Everything was so passive aggressive. No wonder it made Will upset. Mike was staring daggers into Eddie. They had gotten along so well back in Derry, but Mike looked like he hated him at this moment. I couldn’t even blame him. I almost did too. Almost.

“Eddie!” Beverly snapped. Her eyes were wild like a mother disciplining her child.

“What? It’s true. He moves to Hawkins and then just drops off the face of the earth! I’m sorry that it fucking hurts. So yeah, I would really like to know if something is really that much more important.” Beverly's breath hitched and she shot a look in my direction. She knew I didn’t want to say anything about this.

I had already lost my wall I built up though. And once again, everything was crashing down. “Yes Eddie! I’m sorry that something is more important than you for once in my life. I’m sorry if that fucking hurts you, but it’s true.” The entire room froze with the implication I had just shed light on. I didn’t care if anyone knew anymore. It was in the past. The only thing that kept me grounded was Mike’s death grip around my wrist.

“What the fuck Rich?” I could see the pain in his eyes and that alone was enough to light Mike on fire.

“Yeah, what the fuck is right Eddie. You don’t get to turn Richie down and then just expect him to never move on. He’s with Will now. Get over yourself!” Tears were falling from Eddie’s eyes and he looked mortified.

“Eddie, don’t act like they didn’t know about you. About us.” Tears were starting to form in my own eyes now.

“But I never fucking told them you asshole! That was supposed to be my decision on if and when I wanted to tell them. Not you. My sexuality isn’t something you can just wave around because you are angry at me for whatever the hell I did to you.” He was screaming through the tears and I would be surprised if he didn’t wake up the entire house at this point. Everyone jumped at his words and the room started closing in again.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “But I told— Mike told you that I was dating Will. You didn’t respect that.”

“You didn’t tell me though. Why didn’t you tell me?” No one else even dared to move or make a sound. They slowly switched their gaze back and forth between the two of us.

“I was having a fucking panic attack Eds! I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. What I did do, I had no control over. This entire day has been shit and my brain just shut down the minute you walked through the door. But this is me setting boundaries now. Because apparently, being told I’m dating Will wasn’t enough for you. I am happy with Will. I want to be with Will. You being here isn’t going to change that. So please for the love of god, stop doing what everyone in this fucking room can see that you are so desperately trying to do. You had your chance and you turned me down. My entire life has been shit, and these last two months I have finally been relatively happy. Please just let me be happy for once in my life Eds. Please!” I was heaving now. I had used every last ounce of my energy and Mike was slowly pulling me down to sit on the floor. Beverly had already run over to comfort me, gently wiping away my tears.

There wasn’t even a peep over my crying for several minutes. Stan, Bill, Mike, and Ben hadn’t even moved since I walked down the stairs. Their mouths were all agape and their eyes never blinked. Frozen in time. Finally, Eddie piped up in one of the tiniest voices I have ever heard come out of his opinionated mouth, “I didn’t even do anything wrong… It was nothing more than what we used to do in the clubhouse.”

In such a gentle voice as to not disturb the both of us who were clearly very emotional, Beverly provided some guidance to fill in my lack of ability to respond. “Eddie, that’s flirting. You were flirting with Richie today, just as you used to flirt with him in the clubhouse growing up. That really hurts for Will to have to watch.”

It’s like it finally clicked with him. The moment of realization was shining on his face. “Is that why he ran off?”

The fire was lit underneath me again and I pulled myself up from the floor, walking over to where he still sat on the couch. I leaned forward and got right in his face. In a very low, but angry tone, I started, “No Eddie. That’s not why he ran off. For your information, which is definitely none of your fucking business—”

“Richie!” Beverly was trying to pull me away and stop the words from coming out of my mouth. She knew I didn’t want to say anything. She knew I didn’t want to tell Will’s secret. “Richie, stop! You don’t have to tell him. You’re right, it’s not his fucking business.” Eddie’s eyes snapped to her quickly. Confusion covered his face as he realized that she knew what was upsetting me. But her words couldn’t stop it from spilling out anymore. I was livid.

“Had Beverly not thought to go check on Will, I wouldn’t have him at all anymore. But that's probably what you want anyways, isn't it? To have me all to yourself? While I was sitting here unable to move, unable to know how much time had passed, Will was hurting himself. He relapsed. He fucking hurt himself because he thought I chose you over him. I will never choose you over him. I will never choose anyone over him. He's my everything. I will never make the mistake of hurting him again. If you don’t respect that, then you can leave.” The spit from the anger that boiled inside my voice had definitely hit him as he recoiled back more and more with every word I said. We had never fought before, but this was worth it. This was for Will. I didn’t care what the outcome was as long as he knew that I chose him. 

“Richie?” I heard his frail, shaking voice and turned towards the stairs to find Will wrapped in my comforter with a bewildered Nancy behind him.

“I tried to keep him upstairs. I promise! He said he had to find you.” She seems so worried. But nothing else in this world mattered more than him. 

I took off running back towards the stairs and wrapped my arms around him tightly, swinging him back and forth, as I tucked my head into the bend of his neck. “I’m right here Will. I promise I didn’t leave you. I will never leave you.”

It was a promise I never planned to break.

Chapter Text

A Fall From This Height

Mike's POV

I really don’t know what I had expected to happen down in the basement. I mean, I told Richie that if he loved Will, like really loved him, then he needed to fight for him. I didn’t mean literally though. I’ve seen Richie break a lot in these past few months. Nothing has been easy on him here lately. But this? God, I knew this shattered him to pieces. I could see the pain behind his eyes with every word he said. And that was even before he got in Eddie’s face. Richie’s words seemed to be trying to convince himself just as much as they were trying to convince Eddie. It was heartbreaking really. I know how much Eddie means to Richie and I don’t know if he will ever be in his life again after this. I don’t know how he could. Eddie looked mortified. But I do know that the moment he got in Eddie’s face, he meant every single word he said. He didn’t stutter a single time and his words were dripping with venom. Never once did he falter until Will called out to him. Oh poor Will. I had heard the basement door open just as he started to say I will never choose anyone over him . I’m honestly not sure if Will would be okay if he heard anything that was said before that. I’m not even him and I hurt over what Richie said. I know he meant to make Eddie feel bad, but it wasn’t easy to swallow.

Richie and Will had gone upstairs to go to bed, while Nancy and I stayed down in the basement to do damage control for a little while. Those two would definitely need some time. But like Richie said earlier, we can’t just leave them without them knowing anything that’s going on.

I sat down on the couch beside Eddie and gently reached out for his hand. “Are you okay?”

He quickly pulled away and crumbled into himself. “Fuck no! Of course I’m not.”

“Eddie, please look at me. It’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t understand! I just got outed to everyone, the person I’ve liked since I was a child has a boyfriend, and I now have lost my best friend. And it’s all because I wouldn’t fucking kiss him that day he was leaving. Had I actually done that, I would be the one with him right now. Not Will.”

“I might understand a little more than you think.” Eddie slowly turned to look me in the eye. The rest of the room followed suit, even Nancy who was quite confused on where I was going with this. I took a deep breath. What the hell. I mean everything else has already gone wrong. What’s a little more fuel to the fire? “I swear Nancy, if you tell anyone! Not even Johnathan. Actually, especially not Johnathan. And that goes for all of you too.” Everyone gave slow and unsure nods, but nods all the same. “Eddie, I’ve been in your position. I actually am in your position. Except mine is a bit more complicated. I like Will… I’ve always liked him. He was my very first friend and we grew up doing everything together. We were literally attached at the hip. Well, until we made it to middle school. That’s when we started getting bullied because everyone thought we were boyfriends. We didn’t know any different. Or at least I didn’t at the time. I didn’t even know what love was, but I never understood why I couldn’t love Will. But everyone told me it was wrong. The kids at school, my dad, definitely Will’s dad. I repressed my feelings for a really long time. I tried to convince myself that I was straight. That I was normal. I dated El, his step sister for several years. I did really love her. But I could never make those feelings for boys go away. It’s always been Will. But the issue was, I didn’t realize it until they were already together. Will actually didn’t find out I was bisexual until today. It’s been a big thing for me too. But I said all that to say, I understand how you are feeling. But also to let you know what you did tonight was wrong. It wasn’t fair to them. No matter what my feelings are for Will, I will always put his happiness first. If Richie is what makes him happy, then I’m not going to stand in the way of that. And I want more than anything for Richie to be happy because he’s my brother.”

Nancy looked at me with very proud eyes, though I knew they were starting to tear up. She leaned in to give me a big hug from behind.

Eddie’s eyes lit up like he finally felt a little relief. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“How do you just sit back and not do anything?”

“It was hard for a while. I can’t say it wasn’t. I also can’t say that I didn’t make some bad decisions when I first realized they were together. But, I’m happy now. I think I have something really special. You’ll find someone too, Eddie. I promise it will get better.”

“Hold up now! I find out my brother is bisexual today and you already have a boyfriend?” She had an incredulous look spread across her face. She seemed so surprised, yet so happy at the same time.

“Okay, for one, why didn’t you question anything when I asked you to paint my nails?”

“Is that why Richie was looking at you like that? Oh my god! Did Richie know this whole time?” I let out a little chuckle. It was funny to see her jealous of my relationship with Richie.

“Yes, he knew. Well sort of. I told him that night afterwards, but he definitely picked up on it. And what’s this about you thinking I can’t get a boyfriend. Well, I don’t know what label we are putting on it, but you know what I mean.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t, I’m just surprised that you opened yourself.” I stuck my tongue out at her and everyone settled into a more comfortable state.

“Mike?” I looked over at Eddie. He was sitting with his knees tucked up to his chest. I hummed in response. “Thank you for telling me that. It makes me feel a lot better to know I’m not alone.”

I just leaned forward to pat his knee and everyone gave me soft grins as I looked around the room. Finally, after several minutes of silence, I had to get down to business. “So, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but we do need to talk about this whole arrangement. You are all free to sleep down here tonight. But I do think it would be best if you all did head home tomorrow. It’s nothing against you, it’s just clearly not the best time right now. Give him some space. He will calm down and we can arrange a time to have you all come back. Maybe next time you can meet all of the Party. We just need to have a bit more of a plan next time.”

“W-we are s-s-sorry Mike. W-we didn’t t-think a-about it t-too much.”

“It’s okay. Please don’t take this to heart. We were all on high alert emotion wise tonight. We all said some things we probably wish we didn’t in the heat of the moment. I’m sorry.”

With that, Nancy and I made our way upstairs. I slipped into my room and found Will’s abandoned sleeping bag on the floor. Instead he was cuddled into Richie’s chest as they both snored. I couldn’t help but smile. God, I wish I could have that with Troy. I can have that, I just wish it wasn’t so complicated. I locked the bedroom door before climbing into bed. I didn’t want to risk mom interrupting them. Fuck it if they break the rule on the first night. It won’t be the last time. And I’m definitely going to do everything I can to make sure they don’t get caught. They need this. 

***

By the time I woke up, Richie was sitting alone on his bed reading a comic. The sun was shining bright through the window. It had to have been mid day already. I groaned and rolled over to face him directly and he just chuckled and sat his comic down. “Good morning sleepyhead.”

“What time is it? Where’s Will?” I tugged the blanket up over my head, trying to block out the bright sun that was now shining in my eyes.

“It’s 2pm and Will has already gone home.”

“And mom hasn’t come in here to chew my head off? She never lets me sleep this late. Like I missed breakfast and lunch!”

“I warded her off. A little thank you for your talk with Eddie last night. I think you really helped him. He’s going to be okay. We are going to be okay. It’s just going to be different now. That was all we ever knew for years.”

“H-he told you?” I was sitting up now wrapping myself up in a cocoon of blankets.

“After Will left, he pulled me over to the side to tell me he was sorry. He didn’t want Will to get suspicious or anything and he didn’t want to tell him your secret. He really is a good friend, Mike. He was just as hurt as we were last night. Oh and what’s this about a boyfriend? Are you keeping secrets from me?”

“OH MY GOD! He told you that too? I literally said I don’t even know what the label is. Plus you kind of already guessed that I went to see someone yesterday. I only told him to make him feel better, I swear!”

He started dying laughing to the point he rolled out of bed. Once he finally calmed down enough to stand back up, he walked over and sat across from me on my bed this time. “Nancy was the one who told me. More like she asked if I knew anything about it. So now I’m going to need all of the juicy details cause clearly you were worked up yesterday trying to talk about your sex life.”

“I swear Richie! Yes, I went over to see a boy yesterday.” I put my face in my hands to hide the blush that I could feel quickly rising.

“Does this boy have a name?” He was trying to pry my hands away and I was fighting back as hard as I could.

“Of course he has a name! I just can’t tell you.”

He stopped his play fighting and got really serious. I slowly pulled my hands away and looked him in the eyes. He was searching for something. I could see the gears turning. “Can you not tell me because you don’t want to out him? Or can you not tell me because I told you not to be with him?” I froze. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t move a muscle. I couldn’t even breathe. I was like a deer in the headlights. “Mike.” He was more aggressive this time. It snapped me back.

“I um— please don’t be mad at me Richie.” I was slowly trying to scoot away from him as I saw the anger starting to bubble up.

“What the actual fuck Mike! I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I should have known. I did know. But I didn’t want to believe it was true. God, how can you be so stupid?” Tears started to well up in my eyes. I’m not stupid. I’m not stupid . I kept repeating it to myself.

“I’m not stupid Richie! I can’t help who I like. I know I shouldn’t like him. Trust me, I know. He was awful to me and Will growing up. I’ve tried so hard to hate him since that day I kissed him. I’ve tried! I even tried to use him, Richie.” His eyebrows shot up and he stilled for a moment.

“You’re going to have to repeat that last part one more time.”

“You think I’m kidding… I wanted to use him. I wanted so bad for him to feel as awful as we did all of those years. I wanted to please myself by using him. I would go to him in times of anger or when I would see you and Will together. I’m sorry Rich. But something changed. I didn’t mean for it to. But last night. Last night I realized that I really like him. It hit me hard.”

“So let me get this straight. You used Troy to help yourself feel better about not being with Will. The same Troy that used to bully the two of you in school and sexually assualted Will.” I looked at him sheepishly and nodded slowly. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. “Mike,” he grabbed my hand, “we actually need to talk about this. That’s not okay. And I’m not just saying that because I’m dating Will or because I don’t want you to be with Troy. I’m saying that because I’m your brother and I care about you. You do realize that’s self-harm right?”

My expression quickly turned defensive. “I don’t try to hurt myself, Richie. Will tried to hurt himself last night. You’ve hurt yourself in the past. I haven’t done that. This isn’t that.”

“I’ve gone through a lot of therapy over the years Mike. Especially with topics of self-harm. Do you feel suicidal?”

“No! That’s what I’m trying to say.” My heart was starting to beat out of my chest. Where the hell was all of this coming from? I don’t want to die. I don’t want to kill myself. This isn’t self-harm.

“I didn’t think you did, but I just had to check. Can you tell me a little bit about what happened last night? I promise not to judge you on anything. I really just want to help you Mike.” I took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, so start from the beginning. What made you decide to go see Troy?”

“It was a lot of things really. I was already worked up over dad and coming out. But then Eddie brought up how he thought Will and I would make a great couple and the realization hit that people have seen us as a couple for years and I was too scared to admit my feelings for it to actually be true. But I wanted that to be true so bad. I had to get out of the house. I had to go see Troy so I could forget how it made me feel.”

He took in a sharp breath and squeezed my hand tighter. “You said that you would go see him a lot when you were angry. Is that even if it didn’t involve Will in any way?” I only nodded and he seemed to make a mental note. “So what happened once you finally saw Troy?”

“I um— I.” I couldn’t spit out the words. They were stuck in my throat.

“I’m not going to judge you. I promise.”

“He noticed that I was upset as soon as I stepped through his window. He tried to check up on me, but I didn’t want to talk about it. The emotions hurt too much. But the moment he put his hands on my waist, those emotions started to fade away just a tiny bit. I wanted to forget it all though. So I– I had sex with him.”

“And how did that make you feel?” He tried to paint a soft smile on his face.

“It felt good. I didn’t feel bad anymore. I was actually happy.”

“At what point did you realize you had actual feelings for Troy?”

I cringed a little at what I was about to have to say. “It’s gross and don’t make fun of me.” I tried to cover my face again.

“You’re not going to gross me out Mike. How many times do I have to tell you that I won’t judge you? Literally, I already know you had sex. I know it happened sometime before, during, or after. There’s quite a few scenarios and I’m prepared for any of them.”

“Ughhhhhh! Fine. He had been complimenting me the whole time, talking about how beautiful I was and it would fluster me, but I could never get myself to say it back. But the moment I bottomed out and looked down at him, I realized that he was beautiful. Without the pain clouding everything, I could finally appreciate him. Our previous makeout sessions would always help me feel better, but they wouldn’t fully relieve the pain. This. This did.”

He rubbed his hands over his face a few times thinking over the information he just heard. “Okay, and what happened after.”

“We laid there and cuddled for a long time. But he also said we had to talk about why I was upset. He actually cared about me and supported me as I told him about the night I had. He doted on me and actually made me feel loved.” For the first time in our entire conversation about Troy, Richie actually smiled. A true genuine smile. 

“I’m glad he makes you happy Mike. I still don’t like him, but at least he treats you right now.”

“Thank you for understanding Rich.” He patted my hand, but I could tell something was still bothering him. “What is it?”

“I know you do really like him now, but I want you to know it’s called non-suicidal self-injury. It happens a lot with people who have emotional dysregulation, low self-esteem, or that try to relieve negative feelings by inducing positive ones. One way people do this is through sex or other sexual activites like you’ve been doing. You didn’t have any interest in him and it’s a person you knew used to hurt you. I know you probably weren’t going to him with the goal of hurting yourself on the top of your mind, but psychologically that’s what happened. You relieved the hurt caused by other events by hurting yourself with him. Your case is a bit more mild. Most actually are trying to hurt themselves physically during sexual acts. Yours is more mentally.”

“I– umm.” Everything he was saying was flooding into my brain. It all made sense, but I never tried to hurt myself. I was confused and I couldn’t quite understand what to feel.

“I know it’s a lot to take in. But the first step in getting better is understanding what the problem is. I know that you actually like Troy now so this might not be the most forefront thought anymore when you are together, but I think you should actually talk about it. He needs to understand so that he can help you without hurting you. There will be a very fine line now between NSSI and actually being pleased with Troy. He’s got to understand the difference between the two.”

“I understand.” My voice was barely loud enough for him to hear. He leaned forward and hugged me and he didn’t let go for a while. All of the sudden, he started laughing. “What are you laughing at?” Except his laughs made me start to laugh.

“I can’t believe my baby brother had sex before I did!”

“We don’t even know who’s older you dipshit!” 

“Yeah, we might need to figure that out. Oh by the way, you might want to put a label on that now that you are having sex with him. You know, just a tip. Maybe he would actually want to be your boyfriend.” He gave me an exaggerated wink. I pushed him on the shoulder and he flipped himself off the bed before he jumped back up and tackled me into the floor. “I love you Mike. I know it’s a lot, but I’m always here for you. I don’t want you to ever feel scared to tell me things.”

“I love you too Richie.”

And for the first time in 24 hours, everything felt like it was going to be okay.

Chapter Text

Dipping My Toes in Recovery

Will's POV

Waking up tangled in Richie’s arms is one of the best feelings I have ever felt. There is so much warmth and comfort. His bedhead of curls tickles my face as he tucks his head further into my chest. With each tiny movement I make to get up, he squeezes me tighter and tighter. “Stay.” His voice is groggy and whiny as he exaggerates the last syllable.

“Richie, I have to get up. Johnathan will be stopping by to pick me up soon.” He pouts again and kisses my neck.

“I don’t want you to go. You can’t go.”

I kiss the top of his head gently. “I have to. Your mom won’t be happy if she walks in here and sees us like this anyways.”

“Mike locked the door.” He said it so nonchalantly. I sat up quickly, breaking his hold on me. He rests his arms across his forehead, squinting his eyes to try and see what’s the matter while the sleep is still working its way out. “What?”

“He locked the door? How do you know?”

“I got up to pee in the middle of the night and noticed you goofball. Have to say, it was pretty smart. I might have to use that trick more often when you’re over. Dipshit didn’t come to bed until late last night.” Richie was sitting up and grabbing his shirt off the floor to put on before we went downstairs for breakfast.

“Is he okay?”

“He will be. I’m going to talk with him and see what happened when he left. I do know that he stayed down there with the Losers for a really long time though. Nancy too. I just hope they aren’t all too mad at me. You just mean too much to me for me to sit back and do nothing. But they are also still my friends.”

“It’s okay Richie, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I know they are your friends and I know how you feel about me. I just slipped up okay? It was a really bad day. I’m okay though. I promise.”

He gave me a pained smile, kissed my hand, and led me out the door. Breakfast downstairs was so chaotic with all of the Losers being there. Ted had to actually leave the house because he couldn’t handle all of the noise and he wasn’t about to argue with Karen again. They are definitely louder than the Party, but they make good company when there isn’t drama to deal with. Maybe eventually we can introduce them to the Party. Now that would definitely be chaotic.

Johnathan stopped by to pick me up shortly after. Richie walked me out to the door of his car and then went back up to talk to Johnathan for a long time. I knew what they were talking about. It was so obvious by the looks they had on their faces. I’M OKAY. I’m okay. But Johnathan never said a word. Not the whole way home. Not to mom when we walked through the door. Not even at the dinner table. It’s like I imagined their entire conversation. Though I could see in his eyes, everytime he looked at me, that it was definitely paining him.

The only thing I could possibly think of is Richie telling him to look out for me, but not to make it too obvious. Maybe he told him not to say anything to me so that it didn’t upset me. I know Richie would have honestly just kept me there under his own watchful eye forever. It physically pained him to say goodbye. I don’t blame him. How can I? But I just wish things could go back to normal. They will never go back to normal. 

Yesterday wasn’t normal. 

***

He promised me Sunday. He promised me that if I could just make it two days, he would make Sunday special. It had been a few days since I talked to Richie. I knew he was calling the house to check on me. I could hear Johnathan explaining my daily activities each time he called. Not that there was much to explain. I know we need to be able to exist on our own. We can’t depend on each other so much and so spending time apart is good. We agreed on it. But this is hard. It’s hard to keep my mind at bay when he’s not here to distract me. It’s hard for me to think he actually wants to be with me when we aren’t spending time together. I know that’s a bullshit thing to think, but my mind is pretty bullshit.

Jonathan had come in and found my tin under my dresser while I was asleep on Friday. I wasn’t really asleep though. I was just acting like it so that I didn’t have to talk to him. It was his silent confirmation to let me know he knew. Fuck my life really. It’s not that I’ve thought about doing that again these past few days without Richie. It’s just that it always gave me comfort to know it was there. To know that I had control just within my reach if I needed it. But this last time wasn’t controlled. It terrified me. It’s almost like I was possessed again. I had no control over what I was doing and it just happened. Richie knew he couldn’t let that happen again. I know that’s why he told Johnathan. I know they only care about me.

There was a knock at the door that snapped me out of my thoughts. I hadn’t even gotten ready yet. Truthfully, I hadn’t gotten ready all weekend. I stayed in the same pajamas, barely even leaving my bed. The only time I would get up was to grab my notebook and pencils to draw so that I could alleviate some of the time between now and the next time I got to see him. Mom was bringing all of my meals to me, doting on me every time. I could tell she was worried. God, I don’t even know why I’m acting like this. I don’t want to act like this, but I just feel like I don’t have the energy to do anything anymore.

I could hear voices downstairs mumbling back and forth, yet I still couldn’t drag myself out of bed. Eventually, my bedroom door slowly creaked open and I could see him standing there with his big goofy grin. It made me want to melt right into his arms. For the first time, energy sprung into my body. I threw the covers off of me and ran over to him. Our hug was enveloping and he gently picked me up, swinging me around in circles while peppering kisses all over my face. After he put me down, he gave me a soft smile before whispering, “Byers, you stink. Go take a shower.” I know he meant it as a joke. I know he’s just trying to mess around. But I found myself slowly backing away from him like a frightened animal. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. “Will, are you okay?” He was grabbing onto my shoulders, bowing his head to look me directly in the eyes.

I, on the other hand, was starting to tear up. I just couldn’t control it. All of my energy was once again drained. All I could do was slowly shake my head and he pulled me back into another hug. He took my hand and led me to the bathroom at the end of the hall. He started my bath water once again, much more relaxed and less rushed than the last time, and helped me wash off. Never once did he act like my behavior was a bad thing. He just understood. If my parents gave us weird looks when he led me back to my room in only a towel, they never said anything. They understood that my behavior has been nothing close to normal these past few days. I just wish so bad for it to go away. But I can't control it.

He sat me down at my desk chair and started pulling out underwear and sweatpants from my dresser drawers before moving over to his bag he brought and pulled out one of his own sweatshirts for me to wear. The fog in my brain was starting to clear the longer he was here and the comfort of his smell on the sweatshirt was filling me with life as we speak. Leaving me to sit there and soak in the smell, he turns on the record player I had sitting in the corner of my room and then moves over to change out my sheets. He left the room for a few minutes and came back with a clean set that my mom most definitely had to go pull out of a closet for him. I felt a bit embarrassed by the thought. Afterwards, he comes back to me and carries me over to the bed, knowing today is going to be a lazy one, before cuddling in behind me. 

We laid there for several minutes with one arm wrapped around my midsection and the other gently playing with my hair, before I finally got the energy. “Thank you, Rich.” I scooted myself father back into his chest for more contact and warmth.

“Anything for my Will.” It was barely above a whisper. His Will. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding at the words.

“I’m not okay. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He squeezed me tighter.

“I know you’re not okay baby. But there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s okay to not feel okay sometimes. Do you want to talk about it?” He kissed the back of my head as he spoke. It was the first time he had called me a pet name. I slowly rolled over to face him and I smiled before stealing a real kiss. It was gentle and slow, lacking the energy to be anything more, but was still appreciated all the same.

“I just don’t understand. I don’t want to be like this Rich. It’s like my mind isn’t connected to my body. I am running at a normal speed in my head. I can see everything that’s going wrong, but I can’t make myself do anything about it. It’s almost like I’m just going through the motions, but it’s not even that because there aren’t any motions I’m even going through. All I can do is just lay here in bed all day.”

“When did this start?” He was rubbing small circles into my back.

“To this extent? When I came home after Thanksgiving.” I let out a deep sigh. I already knew that he could understand it was our separation causing it.

“Maybe not seeing each other was a worse idea than actually seeing each other too much?”

I aggressively nodded. “I— I know that I need to learn to be my own person. I know we can’t just be Richie and Will. I have to just be Will and you have to just be Richie. But I can’t be on my own right now. I just can’t Rich.”

“I know sweetheart. Can I ask you something? It’s kind of important and I’ve been really researching the past few days about it. I think it’s a good idea, but of course it’s your decision.”

I looked up at him curiously. “You can always ask me anything.”

“What do you think about going to therapy? I know you’ve had a lot on your mind over the years, Will. You’ve been through so much from the Upside Down, your sexuality, being bullied, Troy… It’s a lot to try to handle on your own. I would know because I’ve been through some similar things. I’ve called my therapist in Derry and got a recommendation for someone here. It’s just a thought. I promise I won't force you into anything, but I do think it could help.”

“We could never afford it though Richie.” I knew he wanted to help so bad. I wasn’t exactly comfortable with the idea, but I knew it could be helpful. But what’s the point in even thinking about it if it wasn’t feasible in the first place?

“I’ve already talked with Johnathn. He said he can spare a bit to help your mom with the costs, plus I could help. And even at that, it’s all income based. I made sure of that when I asked for a recommendation. My family didn’t have that much money either. All of their money went to alcohol and after dad lost his job, there wasn’t much coming in. My therapist was actually one that worked closely with the school. My guidance counselor set up the meetings because my parents would do jack shit for me. If you don’t want to go to the recommended therapist because it's too much, maybe we could try the guidance counselor at the school first. But I do think you could benefit from talking to someone.” He leaned down to give me a chaste kiss before adding in, “Someone who isn’t your boyfriend anyways.”

I let out a little laugh at that. It was the first time all weekend that emotion even crossed my face. It’s going to be okay. “I’ll stop by the counselor’s office tomorrow. I really don’t want to put my mom out any more. Honestly, it wouldn’t be fair to pay for my therapy when I know El needs it just as bad, if not more than I do. She’s gone through so much too.”

“Leave it to you to be thinking about other people when you are down. You’re amazing, Will. You know that?”

“That’s all you Rich.” He gave me a big smile and I could see an idea flash through his eyes.

“What do you say? You want to go downstairs and watch a movie? I brought over The Outsiders, The Shining, and The Lost Boys.”

And for the first time all weekend, I walked out of my room and found a seat in the living room. I saw my mom’s smile out of the corner of my eye as I cuddled into Richie’s arms under the blanket we shared. It’s a process. Everything will get better with time. Now to just take it all one step at a time.

Chapter Text

It's All Falling Into Place

Richie's POV

Waking up on Christmas morning to an eight year old jumping back and forth between yours and your brother’s bed isn’t exactly the ideal way to wake up. I mean, the past few years of waking up whenever the hell I want on Christmas morning is definitely my preference. But then again, I was an only child and waking up meant getting beat so maybe I would rather take Holly jumping all over me at 6AM over that.

My first attempt at calming her down was to throw my pillow at her, but that only made her laughs more obnoxious. Mike, on the other hand, was using his pillow to cover his ears. Smart man. I grabbed her right before she went to jump on him and tackled her back onto my bed. Gently of course. I’m not that mean. Then I ruffled up her hair and she started giggling again. “Presents, Richie! It’s time for presents!”

“I’m up! I’m up!” I said, holding my hands up in surrender as I went to grab a sweatshirt out of my closet to put on. Then I leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Go jump on Mike one good time.”

She looked up at me with giant eyes before running and laying herself out on top of him. I couldn’t help but laugh as he groaned and rolled over. “You think it’s funny? I’ve had eight years of this shit. This is only your first year.”

“Language Michael! There is a child present.” I threw a shirt in his direction as he was starting to sit up.

“Yeah, yeah. I guarantee you’ve taught her way worse.”

“You’re probably right, but I digress.” I picked up Holly, throwing her over my shoulder as she tried to squirm to get down. “Calm down you little fart. We have to go wake up Nancy.”

“Nancy!” She screamed and crawled around to hang on my back. Once we got to her door, Holly dropped down and walked over to her bed quietly. She gently put a hand on Nancy’s shoulder and shook her awake. “It’s Christmas Nancy.” She whispered.

“Oh that’s not fair!” Holly only started giggling again and Nancy started to sit up. I mouthed across the room “Little shit jumped all over me.” Nancy just laughed and picked her up, carrying her out of the room. Mike was barely awake and standing upright in our doorway when we walked back by. I grabbed him around the stomach and tickled him until he chased me all the way downstairs and to the living room.

“BOYS!” Mom yelled from the couch where she was nursing her cup of coffee, clearly having already been woken up by Holly’s same antics. 

“No running in the house!” Dad yelled from the kitchen. He was making his own cup of coffee. 

Nancy set Holly down by the tree. Holly started passing out presents, putting them all in organized piles by name. Nancy went to grab a cup of coffee of her own, while Mike and I threw ourselves down on the couch. Dad came in and sat down in his recliner and finally Nancy joined mom on the loveseat.

We of course all let Holly go first since she was the antsy one up this early in the morning. She started with her Santa gift first. It was the biggest gift in the room, barely being able to stay wrapped. She tore through the paper and was so excited to see the Barbie house that she would later find out would be filled with all kinds of Barbie’s from me and Mike. She also got some new clothes and shoes. She even got a play makeup set from Nancy so she would stop getting into hers.

Nancy went next because mom wanted us boys to wait until the end. She said it was because she had a little surprise. It was too early for me to worry about what it could be though. Once again, Nancy’s Santa gift was opened first. All of us older kids, still getting them to keep the magic alive until Holly stops believing. This year, Nancy got a new record player for her to keep in her dorm room throughout the week. Followed of course by some of the newest records. I got her a new journal since she had mentioned her old one filling up. And Mike got her a giant blanket she had her eye on all winter.

Finally it was our turn and, as expected, most of our gifts were meant to be shared. Even so, we were excited to see our Santa gift was a new Nintendo Entertainment System and a few games to go with. Mike also got some more D&D dice and figurines. I got some comics. 

And that’s when I started to get confused. Mom had said there was supposed to be a surprise, but we’ve opened every gift. I didn’t want to be rude and say anything. It is my first Christmas here and all. Maybe I just didn’t understand. But I definitely didn’t want to seem ungrateful because this is honestly one of the best Christmases I have ever had. Mike looked over at me and could see the confusion on my face. Then it hit him like a brick wall.

“Mom!” She perked up from her cup of coffee to look in our direction.

“What did you mean earlier about a surprise?” She smiled big and looked over at dad. He patted her leg and actually smiled.

“Go get their surprise honey.” Dad actually seemed giddy. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Nancy was trying to hide a smile. She knew. I could just tell. I looked over to Mike though and he was just as confused as I was.

Mom came back into the living room with two boxes. The first was a very small box that could fit in one hand. She handed this on to Mike. Then there was a medium sized box that looked to be the size of a binder. “Mike, go ahead and open your box.” He tore the box open quickly to find layers upon layers of tissue paper.

“It’s just a pen.” He held it up in the air and looked around the room at everyone who was staring at him trying to stifle their laughs. Dad, however, audibly laughed at him before mom smacked him in the shoulder. “What kind of surprise is this?”

“Your gift goes with Richie’s.” Nancy gave an affirmative nod. 

“Go ahead, Richie. Open yours now.” There were knots all in my stomach trying to think of what the hell I would need a pen for. Everyone seemed to be so happy though. It’s a good thing right?

I slowly unwrapped the paper and cut open the tape on the box. The moment I opened the flaps of the box, tears instantly swelled in my eyes. I sat the box down on the floor in front of me without even pulling anything out of the box and cried into my hands. 

“What’s wrong Rich?” Mike was wrapping his arm around me now. I couldn’t say a word. I just wiped away the tears and stood up to go hug mom and dad. They held me in their arms for several minutes, taking in the moment.

“Since you’re of the age of being able to emancipate yourself, we have to have your signature for it to go through.” Mom whispered into my ear.

Finally dad gave me a solid pat on the back, signifying that he was done with all of the hugging. “Now, are you going to take the pen from your brother and sign it or not?”

“Fuck yeah I am!”

“Language!” He yelled, smacking me upside the head.

I giggled and corrected myself, “Heck yeah I am!”

I went over and grabbed the pen out of Mike’s hand and grabbed the box off the floor. “Can somebody tell me what the fuck is going on here?”

“Am I going to have to smack you upside the head too son?”

I grabbed Mike’s hand and drug him over to the dining room table as I pulled the papers from the box. Across the top in big letters it read: State of Indiana - Certificate of Adoption . His eyes went wide as he read it.

“Oh my god! Richie! Oh my god!” He flung his arms around me and started swinging back and forth.

“I can’t sign it if you don’t let go of me dipshit.” I was prying his arms off of me as he was fighting to cling to me. Eventually he let go after I wrote on his arm with the pen.

 “You’re going to be my actual brother. Wait, we were already brothers technically. I mean we do share DNA. But now you are my brother in this family. Shit, what’s that even called? Are you my adoptive brother now? I don’t know.”

“Just shut up you dingus.” I said, shoving his arm away.

“You’re officially a Wheeler!” He screamed in my ear as I finished up my signature. I turned around and threw my arm around his neck, pulling him into a choke hold until he pulled us both to the ground.

“Okay, break it up you two!” Mom yelled at us.

I’m officially a Wheeler.

***

We were getting everything ready for Christmas dinner. Hopefully this one will run much smoother than Thanksgiving did. It seems there’s no more secrets to spill. Maybe this could actually go well. I had spent Christmas Eve over at Will’s so he was coming to eat with us again tonight.

Mike and I were sitting at the table peeling potatoes when Nancy came over to sit in front of us. “So what time is Will coming over?”

“Shouldn’t you know? Johnathan is bringing him.” I gave a giggle and Nancy rolled her eyes at me.

“Fine, you caught me. That was just my leading question. What I really wanted to know is if Mike’s boy is coming to dinner.” She shot a frantic look over at me realizing I wasn’t in the basement when they had that conversation.

“Don’t worry Nance. I already know all about this boy. A little too much actually.” Mike looked at me and grimaced at what I was implying. “He won’t be coming.”

“And why’s that?”

“Hmmm, why is that Michael?” He rolled his eyes.

“Because Will is coming.”

“And why is that a problem?” She asked the question with a little uneasiness.

“Because he doesn’t know we are together.”

“Why haven’t you told your best friend that you are dating a boy? He already knows you’re bisexual. What’s the issue?”

He took a deep breath before continuing. “Because they have a history and I don’t think that he would be too happy about it. But I’m happy with him.”

“Oh Mike! You broke best friend code?”

“No!” Her eyebrows shot up in the air at his sudden aggression and lack of explanation. “It’s not like that, Nance. It’s just complicated okay. Please just don’t mention to him that I have a boyfriend. Or anyone for that matter really.”

“Mike, you know I would never say anything to anyone without your permission. I was just hoping to get to meet that guy that makes you happy.”

“You’ve met him before.” He said it just under his breath, but it was enough for her to be able to hear it. 

“Who is it?”

“Troywalsh.” He ran it together so fast it wasn’t even understandable.

“Mike, come on.”

“Fine! It’s Troy. Troy Walsh.”

“Oh my god, Mike. You mean the kid that used to bully you and Will?”

He glared his eyes up at her without even lifting his head. “He’s different now Nancy. He really cares about me and he’s really sweet.”

“Well, how did this exactly happen, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Like I said, it’s complicated. I don’t want to talk about it. Okay?”

“Okay, I won’t push it. I’m sorry.” She patted his hand and walked into the kitchen to help mom with the rest of the cooking.

I turned to him. “It’s okay Mike. He will understand when you finally can tell him. It might take him a bit, but if he makes you happy, then Will will eventually be happy for you.”

The doorbell rang just as we were finishing up peeling that last of the potatoes. Mike took them back into the kitchen while I went to open the door, finding two smiling Byers boys. They were both holding gifts in their hands.

“Well, you two look happy.” I said with a chuckled grin.

“I actually like Christmas and this one wouldn’t shut up about how excited he was to see you the entire ride here.”

“Hey! That was supposed to be a secret! And I actually like Christmas too.”

“Uh huh, cause the crush you have on this one is totally a secret.” He jabbed his thumb in my direction before taking the presents from Will. Johnathan went inside to put them under the tree and then he went to find Nancy in the kitchen.

I pulled Will into a quick kiss, after making sure my dad wasn’t looking, and then took him into the living room. We all sat down and watched A Christmas Story while mom finished cooking. 

I never thought I would live to see that day that we could comfortably sit hand in hand in the living room in front of my dad. But today, he actually smiled at the two of us when I looked up to gauge his reaction. So I laid my head on his shoulder. Will looked up at me confused by the bravery, but I wasn’t going to tell him. It would ruin the moment. Instead he just took the lack of dad yelling at us as confirmation it was okay and sank into me.

Mom sat the table as the last few minutes of the movie played. After the credits started to roll, we all made our way into the dining room and took our respective seats at the table. It was definitely a much calmer dinner and my parents were actually including everyone in on the conversation this time.

“Boys, how are your parents doing?”

“They are doing great, Mrs. Wheeler. They are excited to actually have the day off together. Their days almost never line up.”

“Well, that’s great to hear Johnathan! We will definitely have to have them over for dinner sometime when their days do line up.”

“I bet they would really like that. It’s been years since the last time we could.”

“Yes, the boys were only twelve at the time!” I know she was speaking about Mike and Will. It is so weird to hear about their memories before I came into the picture.

“How was your Christmas?” Dad chipped in.

“Mom was happy to have everyone together.” Will answered. “Mom still hates Christmas decorations and we are still working on blending our Christmas traditions together with Hopper and El’s. This is only our second year celebrating together, but it’s going well. Better than last year anyways. How did your morning go?”

“I think it’s safe to say this Christmas was a special one. Right Richie?” Mom answered. 

I gave a big smile. “Definitely.”

“Well, are you not going to tell us?” God, I love that kid’s sass sometimes.

“I was gifted a last name.” He scrunched his eyebrows at me for a moment and then I could see the realization hit him like a truck.

“Oh my god! Are you serious?”

“You’re officially dating a Wheeler!” I ruffled his hair and Johnathan choked on his drink and I could see Mike’s face fill with blush. That’s when I realized what I managed to do. I could even see the slightest hint of pink on Will’s cheeks.

Nonetheless, he leaned forward out of his seat to hug me. “I’m so happy for you Richie! You deserve a good family.”

“A good one definitely chose me.” I looked around at everyone at the table with a huge smile on my face.

They chose me.

Chapter Text

Enjoy the Buzz

Mike's POV

In all of my sixteen years, my parents have never felt comfortable enough to leave me alone in the house. It always resulted in Nancy babysitting me well into the age of not needing to be babysat. That, however, all changed today. Maybe it was the fact that Richie would also be here with me. Or maybe they were just finally deciding to give us a little bit of independence. Either way, they were going to Indianapolis for the weekend, Holly was staying with Nana, and Nancy had her own New Years party to attend with her college friends. If we get just one chance, why not go out with a bang.

Richie and I had been planning with the Party for an entire week. Eddie and Steve were in charge of the liquor and weed. El and Max were in charge of decorations and lights. Dustin and Lucas were in charge of inviting people. And of course, Will was in charge of music. By the end of the week, everything was basically done for us. All we had left to do was house proof and clean up afterwards. But we would have the rest of the weekend for that part. 

Everyone arrived around 3PM to help set everything up. All of the alcohol was set up in the kitchen island. The windows were raised to help ventilate the smell just a bit better. We went around and locked all of the doors besides the basement and the bathroom. Richie and I were the only ones that had keys to get in, just in case. We then put all of the breakable items in our parents’ room. Finally, we set up the music and the lights in the living room.

People started to arrive around 7PM. We quickly noticed that Dustin and Lucas’s invites weren’t specific. The entire school and even some people we’ve never seen before started showing up. The more the merrier I guess. It was probably going to end bad, but hey at least it would be a giant party, am I right? I did say we would be going out with a bang.

By 8PM, I was three cups in and the house was full. Many people had made their way out into the backyard to get some air. I stayed as close as I could to the alcohol and the Party, all of us taking turns playing drinking games. Richie and I had already beat Dustin and Lucas in beer pong. I guess it was a bit of an unfair advantage with Richie on my team though. Dream team! Dream team! But all of the noise around me stopped the moment I saw him walk through the door. He closed the door behind him and started searching the room. His smile widened when his eyes locked with mine.

“Woah, Mike. Are you okay dude?” Dustin asked, grabbing onto my shoulder and pulling me back to reality. The blaring music returned and my head started to ache.

“Yeah, I just need some more alcohol.” Already walking away, not willing to listen to any more of the conversation. 

When I made it over to the kitchen, Troy was already there waiting, pouring a cup of more Crown than Coke. He swallowed it all in one gulp before slamming his cup down on the counter. “Awe, come to find me already Wheeler? I saw you giving me some heart eyes when I walked through the door.”

I giggled as I poured another cup of beer from the keg. “Speak for yourself Walsh. I saw you looking for me. And for your information, my cup was just dry.” I gave him a satisfied smirk.

“Oh was it? And what number are we on now?” He was leaning his elbows down on the counter.

“This is the fourth. It could have been worse, but Richie and I are damn good at beer pong.”

Richie came up behind me, grabbing me by the shoulders. I jumped, not realizing our conversation was being listened to. “Quit your flirting and show him how damn good we are then. Dustin and Lucas challenged us to a rematch. They really think they can beat us this time.”

“Richie, how much have you had to drink?” I flashed a scared look in Troy’s direction at the implication of bringing Troy over to the group.

“Not enough to lose to those two. Now are you two coming or not?”

When we walked back over to the table, Will looked up to see Troy following. I could see his Adam’s apple bob. Troy flashed him a quick smile and settled over to the side to watch. The game only took a matter of five minutes before we won again. Richie and I both downing a cup each this time. “I told you we’d do better!” Dustin shouted, clearly teetering between the tipsy and drunk range already. 

“You lost idiot!” Richie said, laughing his ass off as he went over to give Will a kiss on the cheek. Will looked up at him with wide eyes at the public display. “Everyone will be too drunk to remember anyways. I just want one night of being normal with you.” He scrunched up his nose and Will’s shoulders relaxed a little bit more.

“I mean it’s hard to lose to an alcoholic.” Dustin yelled over the music, shrugging his shoulders.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I had my eyes set on his and was shoving his shoulders.

“It means exactly what I said. Richie is an alcoholic. Hard to lose when he’s used to handling his liquor.” I was livid. I gave him one good shove and he fell back on his ass.

“You don’t know shit Dustin. Just because his parents were alcoholics, doesn’t mean he is.” Troy had wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me away from Dustin before I could do anything else to him. 

“Don’t make a scene.” he whispered in my ear, still not letting go of my midsection. 

I took a deep breath, trying to cool myself down. “You’re just drunk Dustin. You have no idea what you are talking about.”

El and Max ran up to the Party from wherever they had been hanging out previously. “Spin the bottle! Basement! Now!” And then they took off down the stairs with Dustin and Lucus following shortly behind. Richie looked over at me and just rolled his eyes, but we all followed them down to the basement anyways.Max had drug the empty bottle out from the bookshelf and sat it in the middle of the group. A few other people from school had decided to join in this time. “Oh come on you two! You have to join!” She was looking directly at Richie and Will who both looked content with just sitting and watching from the couch.

“We are good Max. Thanks.” I could tell Will was a little annoyed by his tone.

“Yeah, I’m not looking to kiss anyone in that circle.” Richie piped in, not willing to say much more, but everyone in the Party knew what he meant.

“Party poopers! Mike! What are you doing? Come sit down.” Shit. I looked to Troy quickly and he just shrugged his shoulders. It would look really suspicious if we didn’t join. So we both walked over to the group and took our respective seats in the circle. Several minutes went by with couple after couple going into the bathroom. I spent my entire time looking across the circle and Troy who would just laugh and sip his drink any time he caught my glances. “Mike!” She snapped in my face trying to get my attention. Troy laughed and everyone turned to look at him before his face went red. “It’s your turn, Mike.”

I really didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t want to spend seven awkward minutes in that bathroom explaining how I didn’t want to kiss whoever I went in with. But I couldn’t get out of this without looking extremely suspicious. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and sat the bottle down on the ground, spinning it aggressively. I didn’t open my eyes until I heard someone choke behind me. I turned around to see Richie coughing and Will patting his back. That’s when I turned back around to look at the bottle and followed the nose up to see an even redder faced Troy. Well that’s… convenient . We both slowly got up and walked to the bathroom, trying to not make it suspicious to anyone else. The moment the door closed, his mouth was on mine. Heated and aggressive. My arms snaked around to grab underneath his legs and lift him up onto the counter. He pulled away briefly to catch a quick breath. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

I laughed and whispered into his ear, “All night?” 

“Okay, maybe you do know.” He was laughing, but trying to stay quiet so no one got suspicious outside the door.

“Me too.” I leaned in to kiss his neck a few times, cursing myself at the few hickies I saw when I lifted my head to look back up at him. He just giggled and fluffed his sweatshirt. Hopefully it will hide it.

I hadn’t even realized how long we had been in there when I heard the bang on the door. We both quickly fixed our hair and did damage control on Troy’s sweatshirt to make sure his neck was covered. Luckily for us it was. Then we both slipped out of the bathroom. All of the eyes in the basement were on us, searching for something. Anything. I saw Richie trying to hide a knowing grin. Troy went to sit down. “I’m going to go get more to drink.” I announced to the group.

“Okay, you do that Wheeler.” Max practically shrieked with laughter. God, just kill me.

I was upstairs in the kitchen, filling up my cup when Troy snuck up behind me. “Awe, you’re just going to do that and then ditch on me. Now I’m sad Mikey.”

“I couldn’t make us too suspicious with us both sitting down there with blushing faces like idiots.”

“If anything, you made us more suspicious, Wheeler.” He leaned in to whisper in my ear.

“What do you think they would do if we just didn’t go back down there?” I looked at him with a smirk.

“And what might you be proposing we do?”

“Meet me upstairs in ten minutes.” I gave him a wink before rushing off to find Eddie.

He was set up on the back porch, selling out of his little black box he filled with all kinds of drugs kids would be into. All I was looking for was some weed. “Little Wheeler? Are you having fun?”

“Sure sure. Could be better…”

“Are you trying to get me to sell to you?” His eyes narrowed and he leaned in close.

“Maybe.” I said, spinning back and forth in place, trying my best to work the puppy dog eyes on him.

“Your sister would kill me. Hell, Richie would kill me if he found out I gave you any of this shit.”

“Okay, for one, it’s not like he hasn’t done it. And for two, she doesn’t have to know.”

He took a deep breath, rubbing his brow. “What do you want?” He looked like he would rather be doing anything else than this, but then again it was my house and party so he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Just some weed.”

“Fine, but don’t expect this to become a regular thing. This is a one and done type of thing.”

“Deal!” I flashed him a giddy smile and he looked up from his box where he was pulling out a little baggy of two pre-rolled joints.

“What’s up with you Wheeler? I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Nothing!” I said, slapping down my money on the patio table. I shoved the baggy in my jacket pocket and booked it back into the house before he could say anything else to me.

I met Troy upstairs and grabbed my key out of my pocket to unlock my bedroom door. “Why is your door locked?” He was laughing hysterically.

“Umm because all of the rooms are locked. I don’t want anyone having sex in my bed thank you very much.” He raised his eyebrows at me and bit back a smile. “Besides me of course.” I added in, finally pushing the door open. I quickly shut it and locked it back behind us and then walked over to the window and opened it.

“Where are you going?” He was standing in the middle of the room with his arms crossed, looking skeptical.

“To the roof?” I acted as if it was already obvious, but he only scrunched his nose up with confusion. I stepped back inside and pulled the little baggy out of my pocket and his eyes went wide.

“Well, I’ll be damned Wheeler. I didn’t take you as the type.” He was following me over to the window now. 

After I climbed through, I looked back at him, offering him a hand. “I’m usually not. Just living on the edge tonight.”

“If you say so,” he laughed. We both settled back on the roof and Troy pulled out his lighter to get my blunt started. I put it to my lips and took a deep puff. “Damn, I’m impressed!” Then I coughed up a lung and Troy fell over on top of me in laughter. “Give me that!”

He took it from my hand, bringing it up to his mouth and holding in his puff for a few seconds before exhaling into my face. It was fucking hot. I stared at him with lovestruck eyes and he just laughed. “Fuck.” I went to grab it back from him and he shied away.

“Nope! We are going to do this a bit differently.” He didn’t even give me a warning. He inhaled a big puff, grabbed me by the chin and exhaled into my mouth. Without even thinking, I inhaled and this time I didn’t cough nearly as much.

“Do it again.” My eyes were bugged at this point. I couldn’t get enough of how attractive this was. This time when he leaned forward, I crashed my lips into him and the smoke escaped between our lips. It was fast-paced, aggressive, and left me wanting more. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him on top of me. We only laid like that on the roof for a few minutes, before he was dragging me back into my room.

I quickly shut the window behind us and started pulling off his shirt. This time, he was the one to push me back to the bed before climbing on top of me. He sat me up to pull off my shirt and I took advantage of the moment to flip us over. “God, Wheeler. You’re so hot when you take control.” That was enough for me to lose all consciousness. My hands went straight for his belt and I was pulling his pants off. I ran kisses all the way from his neck to his hip bones. I stopped from where I was on the bed to look up at his lust filled eyes. He was nodding quickly before I looked back down and took him in my mouth. I had no idea what I was doing, but his moans had to mean something right? After a few minutes, he pulled on my curls and I looked up to him again. “Condom now.” He demanded. 

I quickly stood up and pulled my jeans off and grabbed a condom and lube out of a little box I stashed in the nightstand drawer. I got back in bed throwing the blanket over us as I leaned down and got to work prepping him. This time went quicker, probably due to the alcohol and weed in our system. I wiped my fingers on the side of the sheets and lined myself up. I kissed into him softly, trying to distract from the obvious stretch as I slowly eased myself in. 

Had it been any other time prior, I probably wouldn’t have been so in my head. But I was completely lust-filled looking at him underneath me when the lock to the bedroom door turned. I didn’t even notice. Troy started smacking my shoulder trying to get my attention. “Fuck fuck fuck! Mike!”

“Huh?” That’s when I noticed it and looked over my shoulder at the door standing agape.

“Mike?” Will asked, trying to see through the barely lit room.

“Uhhh hi.” I cleared my throat trying to let them know they were interrupting something. Richie was trying to pull Will back out by the shoulders, but he wasn’t quite quick enough. 

“Who is it?” Troy said, sitting up beside me. “Oh fuck. Hi Will. Richie. Nice to see you.”

“What the fuck!” Will yelled as Richie tried to wrap his arms around him in comfort.

This is so fucking bad.

Chapter Text

Watching My Pupils Dilate

Will's POV

Mike had never come back downstairs after leaving to get a drink. I was so scared when he landed on Troy. Why the fuck was Troy even here in the first place? Why would he want to come over to the Wheeler’s for a party? Stupid Dustin and Lucas. They should have been more careful with who they were inviting. Now Mike had to spend seven minutes in the bathroom with fucking Troy. I felt horrible. He must have been so miserable. God, if Troy did anything to him in there, I don’t know what I would do. 

“What’s the matter baby?” Richie rested his hand on my leg and leaned down to look me in the eyes.

“It’s nothing Rich. I’m just thinking.” I tried to plaster on a smile, but I had a feeling it wasn’t the most believable.

“Were you thinking about me?” He rested his chin in his hands, trying to make me feel better. It was a good attempt. He was definitely adorable when he did that.

“No, but now I am.” I gave a short laugh.

“Come on Will. You can tell me anything. Remember?”

I took a deep breath, trying to think through the best way to mention it. “It’s— it’s just Mike hasn’t come back downstairs.”

“Oh don’t worry about him! He’s probably done ran off with his—” His eyes went wide and he took a giant gulp of his drink. “Oops! Need a refill.”

“Richie! What were you about to say?” I grabbed onto his arm so that he could get up and walk away just yet.

“Come on Will. Come get more to drink with me.” He kissed me on the forehead and stood up, dragging me off the couch with him.

“I’m not going to let this go until you tell me.”

“Good! You’re cute when you’re whiny like this.” He squeezed my cheeks and put his cup down on the island. I rolled my eyes at him and jumped up to sit on the counter facing him.

“Bitch.” I scoffed.

“And you’re hot when you’re angry.” He winked, pouring vodka into his cup that will definitely be mixing with whatever the remnants of the previous alcohol that inhabited his cup was. He grabbed my chin and pulled me into a full kiss. I put my hand up on his chest to let him know to back off a bit.

“Rich, I love your kisses and all, but we are in public.”

“Then let’s go somewhere private.” He grabbed me off the counter and threw me over his shoulder.

“Richie! You’re making me spill my alcohol!” I was giggly. I started smacking his back trying to get him to put me down. “Richie! Please put me back down. My two legs work just fine.”

“Awe, you don’t appreciate my strength? I think it’s cuter this way.”

“What’s so cute about it? I’m hanging upside down and all I can see is your ass!” He scoffed, acting as if he was offended and smacked my ass with the hand that wasn’t already holding my legs.

“How dare you say my ass isn’t cute, William Byers. I thought you liked my ass!”

“Shut up Richie!” He started tickling me and I squirmed until we both collapsed to the floor in front of the upstairs bathroom giggling.

“You know that doesn’t work on me. The Losers always say ‘beep beep’ when they want to shut up.”

“You're such an idiot. But you’re my idiot.” I was suddenly hyper aware of the position we were in when I could feel how hard Richie was underneath me. My face went bright red and I looked around and saw that there were people everywhere downstairs in the living room. “We are still very much in public Richie.” I gulped trying to bite back the sudden rush of nerves that just came over me.

“Hey, you’re the one on top of me.” He said, throwing up his hands. “There’s a perfectly good bathroom right there. You just couldn’t wait though could you.”

I got up quickly and grabbed Richie by the shirt, dragging him into the bathroom behind me. He quietly shut the door and locked it before turning around and meeting my frightened eyes. “Hi Richie.” He looked just as terrified as I did with his back pressed up against the door.

“Hi Will.” He gave a small smile. He grabbed my hand and slowly led me into him, pressing a soft, gentle kiss against my lips. But the moment that spark erupted between us, it became fast and sloppy. I slotted my leg between his and he moaned into my mouth. He rested his hands on my hips before squeezing tightly and flipping us around, pushing me up against the door. I hit with an umph and he was back on my lips again. He let his hands creep a little lower, grabbing my ass. My hands found their way into his hair, giving his curls a tight squeeze to deepen the kiss. His tongue was hot in my mouth, searching with everything it had. 

Richie pulled away to look at me for a minute. Something flashed in his eyes and he couldn’t help but smile. “Richie, I haven’t ever done anything more than this.”

He chuckled a little bit and he didn’t seem like he was completely here in the moment. “I haven’t either, Will.” He gave me a soft smile.

“Do— do you umm want to?” His eyebrows shot up in the air for a split second before he was leaning in again, aggressively kissing at my lips and moving down my neck. I first took that as a yes, but then he pulled away again with that same look in his eyes as before. “What’s wrong Rich?”

He rested his hand on my cheek. “I love you Will Byers.” Every nerve in my body erupted at once and I was frozen, unable to move, talk, or respond in any way for several seconds. Richie just laughed at the blush that was now covering my entire face. “Look at me Will. I love you.” He poked the end of my nose and it’s like it unlocked the ability for my limbs to move.

I crashed into his arms, enveloping him in a hug. “I love you too Richie. I love you so much!”

He pushed me back up against the door and his hands were running all over my body, until they stopped right on my belt buckle. He pulled away for a few seconds to gauge and see if it was okay. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before. I eagerly nodded and he quickly ripped the belt off. His fingers were shaky as he tried to unbutton my pants. I rested my hand on top of his and moved it to the side to do it myself. He looked at me with wide lustful eyes before slowly bending down in front of me. My nerves were completely shot. The moment I felt his mouth around me, I melted. “Oh my god, Richie.” He laughed a little, the vibrations only causing me more pleasure. I grabbed onto his hair with one hand and the bathroom counter with the other to hold me up. He was slowly sliding farther and farther down and my legs started to feel like jelly.

BANG BANG BANG! I jumped so far forward off the door, pushing myself farther into Richie’s mouth. He pulled off quickly, choking for a second. “Oh Richie! Are you okay? Oh my god. I’m so sorry!” He sat back on the floor and I kneeled down beside him to check him out.

“I’m fine Will.” He said hoarsely, laughing. “I might have to kill whoever’s behind that door though. That hurt like a mother fucker.”

As if on cue, “Hurry up in there! Some of us have to piss!” It was fucking Dustin.

“Dustin, go away!”

“Will, is that you?” He seemed so surprised. His drunken state definitely clouded his judgment.

“Yes, now please go!”

“Oh my god, are you in there with Richie?” He was laughing hysterically now.

“Yes, he is for a matter of fact, and I don’t appreciate you almost killing me man.” I punched Richie in the shoulder and we both started dying laughing.

“Why would you say that Richie!”

“How— Oh. Oh god.” Dustin started panicking on the other side of the door.

“Just give us a minute and we will be out so you can use the bathroom Dustin.” Richie huffed, throwing my pants at me. Then he leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “We can continue in my room. The doors are locked so no one can go in there anyways.”

I looked up at him with a devilish smile as I jumped back into my jeans and fastened my belt. When we opened the door, Dustin was leaning with his back against the wall. He had the reddest face I have ever seen. Richie flipped him off as we walked by and he practically ran into the bathroom to avoid any further embarrassment. I’m really not sure why he’s the embarrassed one, but whatever. I stood with my arms wrapped around Richie’s waist as he unlocked the bedroom door. I was achingly hard after losing the contact and I couldn’t wait much longer. 

Richie finally unlocked the door and swug it open. He grabbed me by the hips and started slowly walking me in when I heard noises. I stopped Richie and turned to look further into the room. It was pretty dark, but I could see someone in Mike’s bed. “Mike?” I asked as I squinted, hoping to get a clearer picture of who it was.

“Uhhh hi.” He cleared his throat. Oh shit. Was he with someone? The realization dawned on Richie and he grabbed my shoulder and started pulling me out of the room.

Before we could close the door back, I heard a voice I would recognize from anywhere. “Who is it?” He sat up in bed beside Mike and my blood ran cold. “Oh fuck. Hi Will. Richie. Nice to see you.” He seemed so calm and collected.

“What the fuck!” Richie was wrapping his arms around me, still trying to pull me out of the room. “No, Richie, stop. Someone better explain to me what the fuck is going on!”

“Will, please give us like two seconds.” He released a stressful breath and rested his head in his hands.

“Why?” I challenged. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I was pissed.

“I mean unless you want to see me with my dick out Will, I would suggest you step out of the room so I can put my clothes back on.” Mike looked right at Troy and smacked him.

“Not a good time dude!” Mike yelled. I was mortified. 

I pushed Richie out the door and slammed it behind me. I let my body collapse against it and slid down to the floor. “Will, look at me.” I lifted my head up with teary eyes.

“What? What could you possibly have to say right now.”

“I know you are upset. Please just keep an open mind. He’s your best friend. He’s been struggling recently. Just hear him out.” His voice was hushed and calming, but it did nothing to the anger I felt.

“Yeah, he has a great way of showing it.” I scoffed. 

Mike opened up the door that I was leaning against and I fell backwards, barely catching myself with my hands. It was so fucking embarrassing. The light was on this time and Mike stood there waiting in just his jeans. His bare chest, covered in a few hickies, was on full display. Troy sat with his knees propped up, leaning back against his headboard. I could see hickies lining his neck. I wanted to be sick. 

“Are you going to come in?” He asked softly, looking down at me where I was still laying on the floor. Richie reached out a hand and helped me up off the floor. We shut and locked the door behind us and moved to sit on Richie’s bed, staring at the other two boys sitting across from us. 

We all sat there staring at each other for several minutes in silence. I finally worked up the courage to start asking questions after I realized they weren’t going to start talking anytime soon. Like Richie said, I tried to have an open mind. I had some time to calm down a bit so I was no longer yelling. I gently made the joke, “So you must have really hit it off in spin the bottle.” I gave a fake smile, trying to show I was trying. Troy and Mike gave each other a nervous look.

“Not exactly. That was just… coincidence .” Mike looked directly at Richie now for reassurance. I turned to look back at Richie too and he quickly grabbed my hand trying to calm me down again.

“Richie?” I was heavily breathing, trying to stop myself from going absolutely berserk.

“Yes, Will?” He asked, just as calm as before.

“Did you know?” My voice cracked a little bit.

He squeezed my hand tighter. “Not the whole time.” It was never just a simple answer. Was it? Nothing is simple between all of us.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I was curling into myself on his bed.

“Will, I promise. I love you more than anything in this world.” Mike actually jumped at the new revelation he had quite gotten wind of before this moment. “But you know this wasn’t mine to tell. This is between you, Mike, and Troy.”

I took a long, shaky, deep breath. I was going to hate the answer to this, no matter what it was. I looked Mike directly in the eyes. “How long?”

“Officially? Early November.” Everything from the past few months sunk over me as I started replaying everything that happened.

“What do you mean by that Mike?”

“We kissed before then.”

“Halloween movie night? The night you walked in on me and Richie?” He sheepishly nodded. “It was barely a month after.” Tears were perking in my eyes.

“Will, I hated myself for weeks.” Troy was looking over at him sadly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I cried with Richie for hours because I hated myself for doing that to you. You didn’t even know.”

“Why?” Richie was hugging into me now, trying his best to comfort me.

He looked like he was trying to figure out the best way to say it. He scrunched up his face. “It’s embarrassing Will.” I was pleading with my eyes and I watched Troy grab his hand. “I had just recently realized I was bisexual. Literally within the same week of talking to Richie about it. I walked up to try and find Richie so that we could start the movie and I found you two together. I couldn’t move or speak or do anything. It wasn’t because it shocked me. No. I wish that’s what had happened. God, it’s so embarrassing Will. I got turned on watching you two make out and it fucking makes me sound disgusting but I couldn’t help it. I ran away and pushed Richie away telling him I wanted to be alone. But no one wants to really be alone at a time like that. I went to the only other gay person I knew. I feel so horrible for it. I was awful to him honestly. But I kissed him. He was my confirmation that I 100% liked boys sexually. I hated myself even more for liking it. Will, I wanted so bad to not like it so that it would be easier. But it’s never easier.” He was crying and Troy was holding him trying to give him comfort. I could see his own tears forming. He was hurt by all of this, just as much as I was.

“What made you change your mind?”

“When he apologized to you.” He seemed so guilty.

“Fucking hell! That’s why Richie said that was your closure when you read the note.”

“Wait, which note are we talking about here?” Troy piped up. My eyebrows shot up. “Okay, you didn’t know about Mike’s note. Noted.” He sunk back into himself.

“I promise I tried to tell him not to, Will. I didn’t want him getting hurt. I didn’t want him hurting you.”

“Troy is not Connor okay! How many times do I have to tell you that Richie?” Mike was physically upset now.

“You were the one that made the connection yourself Mike. You said you needed your confirmation. You needed your Connor.”

“In the beginning? Yes. Now? Absolutely not. I really like Troy and he treats me so well. You’ve been okay with it since you found out Richie. You can’t just change up now because Will knows. That’s not fair!”

“EVERYBODY SHUT UP!” I was tired of the constant bickering. It was getting us nowhere. “I can’t say this doesn’t hurt, Mike. This is a pretty big betrayal. But Troy has tried to apologize. You two didn’t get into a relationship until after. I guess I just don’t understand. What is so special about your relationship? Like, I can’t see what you two see in each other.”

Surprisingly, Troy was the first to respond. “Mike is just a natural born leader. He’s so smart and kind. He’s caring and protective. God, to watch him stand up for you Will and Richie. He’s such a  good person. He’s beautiful and he treats me better than anyone else in my entire life. He’s willing to look past my mistakes and flaws. He just sees me. Troy, his boyfriend.” My eyebrows shot up to the ceiling as I took in the words he was saying. Richie squeezed my hand to get my attention and he was smiling at me when I went to look at him.

“I wanted to hate their guts for being together, Will. I did. I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to hurt you. But it’s quite the opposite with them. They did their very best to be happy together while trying not to hurt you. Yes, it might have to do a bit with the fact that coming out to people can be a real bitch, but they have hid themselves from you for this long out of protection. Not secretism.”

“Will, my goal was never to hurt you. My goal was actually never to fall for Troy. It’s always the ones you plan not to fall for that you end up falling the hardest for.” He gave a tiny laugh and looked to Troy. I could see in their eyes how much they actually cared for each other. “I can’t even begin to explain it. He’s always there for me to talk to. He cares about my feelings and emotions. He’s so funny and he knows exactly how to make me feel better when I’m down. He knows me so much better than I even know myself sometimes. And I know that sounds weird to say about your old bully, no offense Troy, but it’s so true. He’s protective and always looking out for me, even if he can’t show it in public. But most of all, he helped me to accept myself.”

I took a minute, really thinking over everything they had said. God, love is never easy. Never. I know exactly how it feels to not be able to choose who you fall for. It just happens. Like he said, the ones you aren’t planning for hit you harder than anything.

I stood up from the bed and Richie’s eyes followed me the entire way as I walked over to Mike and gave him a hug. “I hate you Michael Wheeler. You know that? I hate you so freaking much. But I love you more than I can hate you. I’m not happy about this, but if he makes you happy then okay. I just want you to be happy.”

I turned to look at Troy. He definitely wasn’t going to get the same treatment. But I did hold out my hand to him. He looked down at it with wide eyes before giving it a shake. “Thank you for making him happy. He has been pretty sad here lately, but I can see him gradually getting happier the longer he’s been with you. So, no matter how much I’ll always hate you, I’ll thank you ten times over for making my best friend happy.” Tears were running down Troy’s face as he looked at me, his hand still firmly grasping mine.

“I don’t deserve you, Byers.”

“You’re right, you don’t. But you deserve someone to make you happy too. And with Mike, comes me. So you’re basically stuck with me now.”

“Thank you for giving me a chance. You don’t know how much it means to me. I really like Mike.”

“I know, I can tell.” I gave him a soft smile and finally dropped his hand before returning to sit with Richie on his bed.

Troy looked around the room, trying to read the energy before standing up. “I should probably go now.”

I looked back up at him and shook my head. “No. You’re not getting off the hook that easy. Stay, for Mike.” He gave me a puzzled look. “I just know Mike gets lonely when he’s all by himself over there on nights I stay over.” I gave Mike a wink and he threw his pillow at me.

“I can’t believe you Will!”

“Just please keep your pants on this time.” I laughed and Richie joined me, pulling me back onto the bed.

“Uh huh, and what exactly were you planning on doing coming in here if pants are supposed to stay on?” Mike joked back.

“That’s what the bathroom is for, right Will?” My entire face erupted with blush. “Too bad Dustin almost killed me.”

“Shut up Richie!” I was smacking his arm. Mike and Troy were rolling with laughter at how embarrassed I was getting.

“You see, this one got a little scared when he knocked on the door and I—”

“BEEP BEEP!”

“Okay, I’m done.” He looked at me and smiled before leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

Maybe I could learn to be okay with this. It’s a new normal, but Mike is happier than I’ve ever seen him. That has to mean something right? I just spent longer with Troy than I ever have before. He seems just as happy with Mike. Maybe he really has changed.

Maybe I can change my view on him. It will just take some time.

Chapter Text

As the Sun Sets

Richie's POV

“Two words: double date!” I said, slamming my hands down on the lunch table. 

Will and Mike were already in the cafeteria waiting on me after Mrs. Carson decided she needed to keep me after class for a few minutes of torture. When will people learn that just because I disrupt class sometimes, doesn’t mean I’m not smart? She was questioning my latest math test where I happened to get the highest score out of all of her students. She swore I cheated. Mike is great at writing. Will is great at art. Dustin is good at science. Lucas is definitely the athletic one in the group. But me? I’m great at math. It’s my second greatest talent really, next to using my mouth of course. You can interpret that however you please.

“Would you keep it down Rich? You’re being extra loud today.” Mike looked up at me rolling his eyes. I could tell he wasn’t in the best mood. His face reeked of teenage angst, though that was a pretty normal look for him.

“Awe, is someone upset that their boyfriend can’t sit with them at lunch?” I teased.

“Stop Richie! Please don’t say that too loud.” He slumped back, trying to curl into himself, hoping no one heard. “You know it’s not easy for us to go out anywhere. If anyone was to see us, we’d get a million questions. And not just about being on a date. It would be about hanging out in general. I will probably just have him come over to the house.” Will looked over at him with a sad smile. He just shrugged his shoulders and went back to eating.

“I guess it’s just you and me William!” I ruffled his hair across the table.

Will looked up from his tray of spaghetti and gave me a big grin, slurping up a noodle. “Sounds fun to me!” Sauce littered the sides of his mouth. I threw a napkin at him.

“Gross! Wipe your mouth!” He stuck his tongue out at me before licking his lips. He’s so adorable even when he’s being gross. God, I love this boy. “So I’ll see you at 5? I’ll bike over to your house and meet you.”

“I can’t wait!” He wrapped his foot around mine. It had become our secret way of touching at school. I mean heaven forbid we go the entire eight hour school day without touching. Am I right? Yeah, I’m definitely right.

I had set off on my bike by 4:30. It was definitely ambitious timing, but I wasn’t going to complain to get a few extra minutes with Will. I had stuffed a quilt and some of Will’s favorite candy into my backpack. My plan was to surprise him with watching the sunset over the quarry. Maybe I was a sap, but it would be totally worth it to see his adorable face watching the pretty sky erupt in colors. I’ll have to make sure he brings his sketchbook. I just know he will want to draw it.

By the time I was going up to knock on the door, Joyce was already walking out heading to her shift. “Richie honey! Hi, how are you?” She leaned forward to give me a quick hug after I dropped my bike in the front yard.

“I’m doing great Joyce! I’m excited to see Will. How are you?”

“Oh you know, just as good as I can be before a night shift.” She giggled a little bit. “Will is in the shower, but he should be getting out soon.” She passed me to open up her car door, before she stopped and gave me a mischievous grin. “I don’t think he needs help this time though.” Blush flooded my face as I stood there blubbering, unsure of how to respond. She came running back over to me, wrapping me in a hug. “Oh honey, I was only kidding! Take care of my boy and you both make sure you are safe.” She gave me a quick, motherly kiss on the temple and then got in her car, waving as she backed down the driveway.

What the fuck just happened? I couldn’t even wrap my head around it. Everyone in town talked about how she wasn’t the most conventional parent, and yeah they would be right. But this was a whole other level. She just openly talked about sex and me seeing her sixteen year old son naked. Better yet, she joked about it. I might be a trashmouth, but that left me mortified. I mean, that’s Will’s mom.

I was sitting on Will’s bed, still in mid panic when we walked through the door with a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was still dripping wet. “You’re early.” He gleamed a smile and tried to search for clothes in his dresser with one hand as he held the towel up with the other hand. He turned back around when he realized I hadn’t said anything. Between Joyce’s words and Will looking like this, I was flat out short circuiting. “Are you okay?” He came over to sit beside me on the bed.

“If your mom is going to talk to me about me seeing you naked, you can’t just walk in here like that.” I was clearly very flustered. He wrapped his arms around my neck and started laughing into my chest.

“Oh my god, what did she say to you?”

“She told me you were in the shower, but that she didn’t think you needed help this time.” He was laughing even harder now. “I was mortified, Will! And then she told me to make sure we were safe. God, just kill me now!”

“She’s just teasing.” He grabbed my cheeks and turned my head into a kiss and then got back up to go to his dresser. That kiss finally brought some life back into me.

“Oh, I’ll show you teasing!” I grabbed his towel and yanked it away from him.

“Richie!” He yelled, turning away from me.

“What happened to ‘it’s nothing you haven’t seen before?’” I gave him a smirk.

“You’re a dick!” He laughed.

“Well, Dick is short for Richard, so I guess you’re right. And I do have one of those.” I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly before wrapping my arms around his waist.

“I have to get ready, Richie.” He was being fake whiny, trying to get me to stop even though he really didn’t want me to.

“But you look so pretty.” I whispered into his ear.

I could feel him shiver in my arms and it took him a minute to regain himself. “What even is your plan for this date anyways?”

“Pizza and watching the sunset.” Will’s eyes went wide with excitement. “But now that we have the house all to ourselves, I’m not so sure it wouldn’t be more fun to just stay here.”

He finally pulled his underwear up against my pouting pleas and threw on one of my hoodies he had stolen from my house weeks ago. “You do know they are going to be gone all night, right? They both have the night shift.” He gave me a smirk as he walked to grab a pair of jeans out of his closet.

“What about El?”

“She’s staying at Max’s. She doesn’t like to be home without mom or Hopper being here so she always makes plans to stay with her when their schedules line up. And before you ask, Johnathan is staying in the dorms this weekend. He has a big test coming up that he needs to study for.”

“Deal.” I said, surrendering and throwing myself down on his bed as he grabbed the rest of the things he needed. 

We had the pizza in the backseat of Will’s car and were heading out to the quarry. A random song by The Smiths was playing over the radio as golden hour was starting to settle in. The night is really shaping up to be perfect. Will glanced over at me from the driver’s seat and caught me staring. “What?” He asked with a giggle.

“You’re pretty, William. Can I not admire the view?” He gave me a giant smile. He reached over and rested his hand on my thigh before turning into the entrance to the quarry. The moment he put the car in park, I was hoping out to get everything set up. It had to be perfect. This is one of the few dates we can go one where we can just be ourselves out in public. It had to be special.

I laid the quilt down on the rocks by the edge, throwing a couple of pillows down that Will threw in his backseat before we left the house. I sat out the pizza and the snacks. Will carried over his sketchbooks and the radio so that we could listen to music while we watched.

I put on my sunglasses and laid back against the pillow, soaking in the sun. I was just happy to be in his presence while we waited. Will stayed sitting, already attempting his drawing. I couldn’t wait to see what he came up with. It was all so peaceful. Domestic even. 

By 6PM the sky was scattered with bright pinks and oranges. I sat up and tapped on Will's shoulder. “Take a little break from drawing. You’re going to miss it.” He looked up from his sketchbook that he was still trying to hide from me.

“But I’m not finished yet!” He pulled the sketchbook to his chest.

“Can I see?” He gave me a little smirk.

“It’s not finished Richie.” I leaned over and tackled him to the ground from where he was sitting.I was on top of him, pinning his wrists to the ground before I even realized what I was doing. His sketchbook was abandoned to the side. All he could do was look up at me from where he was laying below me with lustful eyes. “You’re right, the view is beautiful.”

“Oh shut up you sap!” I leaned down to give him a chaste kiss and rolled off, grabbing his sketchbook in the process.

“Richie!” I leaned over my back trying to stop me. He wasn’t quite quick enough though. Not only was the page he was working on a drawing of me, but the entire sketchbook was filled with similar drawings.

“Will?” My voice was soft and my heart was beating out of my chest. “How many are there?”

“You’re the only thing I can draw anymore. You’re all I want to draw.”

He didn’t have to say anything else. I didn’t let him. My lips were on him in an instant like a magnet. He welcomed the kiss just as aggressively as I gave it, moving his hands to rest on my hips. I straddled his hips and rested one hand on the side of his jaw and used the other to keep us balanced. It was clear before we even left the house, the direction we were going to go. We had unfinished business. This time without distraction. Both of us are just as needy for this as the other.

He stops for a quick breath and I waste no time moving to his neck, peppering it with longing kisses as the strawberry skin begins to show. “Richie.” I didn’t even acknowledge him. I was too preoccupied. He squeezed my hips harder and shuddered underneath me at the sensations of my teeth grazing the skin behind his ear. “Richie.” He was a little louder this time, but it still wasn’t enough to fully get my attention. It felt like my head was underwater and he was yelling at me from the surface. His muted voice was recognized but not heard. Finally he carded his hands through my hair and yanked it back, getting my attention. “Richie! Car. Now.”

“What happened to wanting to watch the sunset?” I was breathless, but I could never miss the opportunity for a little teasing.

“Richie the sun has already set.” I looked up to see the sky was filled with purples and blues now and stars littered the sky.

“Oh fuck. I might have been a little distracted.” Will was pushing me off of him now and grabbing all of our things as quickly as he could. “Someone is excited.” I teased, crossing my arms and refusing to help.

“Yeah, you made me like this. Now are you going to help me get all of this picked up so we can go home or am I just going to have to do something about it on my own.”

“Oh don’t you even dare joke about that William!” I was grabbing things left and right, now trying to hurry and pack up the car. 

The trip straight home was nowhere near as long as the detour to pick up the pizza had made it earlier. By the time we pulled into the driveway, we were out of the car in seconds. Will was scrambling to get the right key in the door and I was grabbing my backpack from the backseat, leaving everything else to deal with tomorrow. 

No sooner than the front door shut behind us, Will turned around and slammed me back into it, pushing his kisses deep into my lips. I hit the door with a thump and it left me breathless for a second. “Fuck Will.” 

“Yes, please.” I pulled my head back to look him in the eyes. His pupils were wide, barley showing any green of the iris. I was searching to see if there were any inconsistencies. I had to make sure I was hearing him right. But all he gave me was a big dopey grin.

“Are you sure?” I was breathing heavily at the thought.

“Please.” He was more insistent this time. We are really about to fucking do this. I grabbed his legs, just below his ass and picked him up, carrying him up to his room. Our lips never disconnected. I shut his bedroom door with my foot just in case and threw him down on the bed. My hands were already running all over his body and they started to slip up his shirt, hoping to pull it off soon. He stops me, grabbing my hand. “Nope, I’m always the one who’s clothes come off first. It’s your turn this time.” My mind completely freezes. Will has never seen me the way I’ve seen him. I mean yes, we sleep in our boxers sometimes, but this just hit me like a ton of bricks. I was about to be fully exposed in front of him in a matter of minutes. He could sense I was freaking out internally. He quickly sat up. “Look at me Richie. You are beautiful. You have nothing to be worried about.” I nodded unsurely and his hands slowly moved to my shirt. My heart was beating out of my chest and I knew he could feel it. He gave me a huge smile and leaned forward to kiss my chest. It was his way of proving he loved what he was seeing. I shuddered and he ghosted a laugh across my chest.

His hands moved down farther to undo my belt, as he was sucking into my chest, right below my collarbone. I shifted uncomfortably, but his hands never faltered. Once my jeans were off, his kisses trailed down farther until he reached the band of my underwear. He looked up at me and I took a deep breath. I know he had seen my scars before. God, I was the one that showed him the first night we met. But I hate looking at them. They aren’t pretty. They don’t make me feel pretty. And now they are about to be on full display. He slowly hooks a finger on the band and pulls them down, watching my expression the entire time as I squeeze my eyes shut. The moment the underwear was off, he began kissing my hip bones, clearly knowing it was bothering me. “Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.” I melted right there on the spot. My hips jerked forward at the feeling.

Will sat back fully again, drinking in the full view for the very first time. He didn’t say anything for a really long time. He only stared and I began to get worried. “Will?”

“I fucking love you.” He moved quickly to start pulling off his own shirt and pants now. His aggressiveness coming out of nowhere surprised me. He was fully undressed before I even thought to do anything. I took the lead, grabbing him by the hips and flipping him over and straddling his legs once again. I could feel him pressed against my stomach as I closed the distance between us. His hands ran down my back and my grip was definitely bruising his skin below me. 

I quickly reached my hand to the side of his bed to rummage through my backpack. Eventually I found it and pulled out the lube and condoms I had packed just in case. We had several close calls recently and I was going to be prepared for when we finally did. When I met his gaze again, I stopped to look closely. “Are you sure this is how you want to do this?”

“Yes Richie, please.”

“Okay I will. I promise. I just wanted to make sure because I didn’t care which way.” Will’s eyes went wide at what I was implying. “It’s okay, baby. We can save that for another day.” I poured some of the lube out on my hand and started warming it, using my other hand to run up and down his body. When it was finally warm enough I looked at him. “Are you ready?” He nodded aggressively.

I moved one finger towards him, slowly circling before I slipped it in. Will took a deep breath at the new feeling, but eventually he relaxed into it. I started moving my hand faster and he was moving his body in sync with my movements. I quickly inserted another finger and he moaned into it. “Sorry!” I said quickly, stopping abruptly.

“Just move. Just keep moving.” He grunted in a breathy response. I started moving again, spending a lot more time than the last. I angled my fingers upward, finding his prostate immediately. His breaths got faster and I added one last finger. It wasn’t more than a few seconds before Will was stopping me. “Richie, please now.” His words were slurred and I could tell he was on the brink.

I quickly pulled my fingers out and worked on the condom. I lined myself up and slowly worked my way inside him. His breaths were hot and hard as I took my time, letting him adjust. I stilled by the time I bottomed out, looking up to see him settle into the full feeling. His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth hung agape. It was breathtaking. “God, you’re gorgeous Will.”

Before he has a chance to relax and say anything, the walkie inside my bag starts going off.
“Richie? Do you copy?” I gave Will a quick look and he was still adjusting so I reached over and grabbed it from my bag.

“What do you need Mike?”

“Woah dude, why so angry?” I was just checking to see when you were coming home. It’s already dark.” I rolled my eyes, checking on Will and he finally seemed to be ready.  

“Cover for me. I’m staying at Will’s tonight.” My responses were getting a little more breathy as I started to move in and out.

“What the hell dude! What am I supposed to do?” In the background, I could hear Troy’s laughs.

“Ha-ve the room all to you-rself with Troy.” Will was holding in his laugh and biting his wrist making sure no moans came out. I grabbed his hands and threw them above his head, holding them in place with one hand. His eyes bugged at the lack of filter he knew he would now have. “Let them hear. I want to hear.” I whispered in his ear.

“Mom doesn’t want Troy staying the night if you aren’t here to supervise. God, just kill me!” 

“D-id you tell h-er with-out me there?” Will let out a soft moan just before I released the button. Okay, this was starting to get bad. I needed to speed this conversation along.

“No Richie! She’s just being weird about him being here in my room alone.”

“Well, too ba-ad. Shit!”

“Rich, are you okay?”

The next time I went to speak, all I let out was breaths, unable to form words. Little whines were escaping from Will no matter how much he tried to hold it back.

“Oh. Oh god Richie. Ew!”

“See y-ou tom-orrow!” I screamed before throwing the radio across the room. The moment it was out of my hand, Will’s filter completely diminished. The noises got louder as I moved faster.

“You’re suck a dick Richie.”

I laughed, thrusting in one hard time. “We had to watch. They only had to listen. I think they will be okay.”

“Oh fuck!” With one final thrust, he was spilling all over his stomach and I was closely behind. His eyebrows shot up when I leaned forward to lick his mess off of his stomach. Then I slowly moved up to meet him in a deep kiss, before slowly pulling up and collapsing at his side. 

Together we breathed heavily against each other's chests for several minutes, trying to regain the strength to move. “I fucking love you too Will. Shower?”

“Yeah, but I’m going to need a little help.” He chuckled a little bit.

“I figured as much.” I said, kissing his neck before helping him out of his bed and leading him to the bathroom.

Now this? This was domestic. I wanted no more than to be domestic with him. This is everything I could ever want. Every moment of my life has led to him and god am I happy I made it here. 

I could really get used to this

***

It was 9:30AM before I was finally trying to sneak my way through the front door. Only, sneaking wouldn’t exactly be the correct word since everyone was sitting down at the table eating breakfast when I slowly opened the door. Everyone’s heads turned in my direction. “Oh hi guys!” I was beyond nervous with the looks mom and dad were giving me. That’s when I noticed who was sitting in my chair at the table. “Oh Troy! I see you stayed.” Mike and Troy’s eyes went wide and I knew it was a cheap shot, but I had to get the attention off of me.

Mom threw her napkin down on the table and stood up abruptly. “Richard. Michael. I need to see both of you in your room now! Ted. You too. It’s about time we have a talk.”

I quickly looked over at Mike and he mouthed this one is all your fault .

We both sat down on our beds, Dad grabbed the desk chair, and mom stood directly in front of us with her arms crossed. “Richie, are you going to tell me why you didn’t come home last night?”

I took a deep breath, preparing for the worst. “I stayed at Will’s.” I watched Mike’s eyes close as he sank into himself.

“I know that. Do you want to know how I know?”

“Mike told you?” She smirked knowing she had caught the lie.

“Actually, no. He said you were staying at Dustin’s after going to the arcade. Joyce gave me a call when she got home from her shift this morning.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh is right. No one was there last night besides you two. You know I’m not comfortable with that.” Mike and I both took a deep breath, knowing what she was implying. “And don’t think you’re off the hook either mister!” She turned to look at Mike now. “Troy isn’t just a friend is he?” Mike gulped and slowly shook his head no. “Yeah, that locking your door trick isn’t going to work.”

“Karen, relax for a second. You’re jumping down their throats.” Dad was surprisingly calm about the situation. She turned away, pinching her brow, trying to take a minute to recoup.

She turned back around with this look in her eyes. It was pained and fearful. “Are either of you…” She couldn’t even finish the sentence.

Neither of us moved to answer, but we both gave each other a look that gave it all away. Mom’s eyes turned dark and dad grabbed her shoulder. “Karen, sit down honey. Let me take over.” This just made her even more mad, but she complied nonetheless, taking over his seat at the desk. Dad walked over and squatted between our beds, placing a hand on each of our legs. “Are you both being safe? I don’t know how to help you in either of your situations, but I want to make sure you are being responsible.” We both nodded, absolutely terrified. “I’m not happy about this with either of you, but I’m glad you are being safe.”

“Ted!” Mom was already standing up from the chair.

“Karen, if we force them not to, they are only going to go around our authority. They’ve already done that if you can’t tell. I want to make sure they are at least responsible about it.”

Mom took a long deep breath. “Fine. I guess you’re right. I am not happy with you two at all, just so you know!” She took another breath, clearly getting worked up again. “Are you at least going to introduce us to your boyfriend Michael?” 

Mike actually smiled a bit. Being accepted is one thing, but accepting your boyfriend is another. I know exactly how he’s feeling right now. I turned to give a soft smile. 

As we were walking out of the bedroom door, dad whacked both of us upside the head before him and mom passed us. The moment they did, Mike turned to me. “That was so unfair dude! Don’t ever answer the walkie again during sex. I almost puked.”

“I think you’re forgetting I actually walked in on you in the middle of you and Troy going at it. I think you’ll be just fine.” He gave me a shove and we started walking down the stairs to join everyone else at the breakfast table again. “Checkmate bitch!”

“Language Richard!”

Chapter Text

Want To Be Seen With Me

Mike's POV

The halls around school were decorated with homemade signs. PROM 1988 . Starry Night . Vote for Prom King and Queen . Every square inch of the hallways were a reminder of what I couldn’t have. Or what I could have if I was with a girl. But it’s not that simple. It’s never that simple. You can’t control who you love. Shit. Love? No. Definitely not. I don’t want to think about it. But this is all I can think about when I have the constant reminder around me that I will never get to have what all of my other classmates have. Not with Troy anyways. 

I banged my head against my locker, trying my hardest to clear my mind. It was useless. I wouldn’t be able to focus today anyways. Just seven hours and I would get to spend the entire weekend with him. I can make it seven hours. But god, today was already shit and it just started. Ugh! I opened up my locker and a little note with a heart fell out and all of the previous pain I was feeling evaporated. Troy. He always knew how to make me feel better, even when he didn't know I was feeling down.

I opened the note and read it quickly, before shoving it back in my pocket, hoping no one saw it. Meet me behind the school before lunch. I have a surprise for you. <3

My heart was leaping out of my chest. Okay, I can definitely make it four hours. I smiled to myself as I walked to my first class. One I inevitably shared with Troy who was smiling like a knowing idiot when I walked in and he saw my face.

“What’s got you all smiley now? You were an utter mess when we walked in today.” Richie leaned over nudging me across the aisle.

“Boys! Quiet!” The teacher yelled from the front of the classroom. I could hear Troy’s bad attempt at stifling his laugh. I turned to look at him, cursing myself for not being able to hide my smile.

After that, the rest of the classes up until lunch went by quickly. I snuck my way out the back door, making sure no one watched me exit the building. Everyone would either be at lunch or at the courtyard in front of the school. It was our best shot of being alone without getting caught.

Troy was propped up against the building when I made it out there. His head lifted and his smile brightened as he heard the door shut. “Hi.” He said, giving me a quick hug as he glanced around nervously. It’s the most we’ve ever publicly interacted, but it felt nice. Though we were both terrified of getting caught, it felt like for once he was willing to show me off, even if eyes weren’t actually on us.

“Hi.” I finally replied after we both pulled away. “So what is this surprise you have for me?”

He giggled to himself, clearly excited about whatever he had up his sleeve. “It’s more of a question really.”

“Intriguing.” We had both moved to lean our sides up against the brick wall of the building, facing either other as we talked. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, just taking in each other’s presence. “Well, go on. We don’t want people wondering where we are for too long.” I joked.

He took a deep breath and I could tell that maybe this wasn’t such a soft and sweet surprise. He seemed excited, but it was also tolling on him. I moved to rest my hand on his shoulder, letting him know I was right here for him. Eventually he spoke up. “I was— I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go to prom. With me. Well, not necessarily with me. But ugh. You know what I mean. You know how complicated it is. I want to go with you. I want you to be my prom date Mike. It’s just all so complicated. But we can match and slip out into the halls to catch a slow dance in secret. We can make it work. I want—”

I didn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence before I closed the gap between us, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Yes. Of course I want to go with you. It’s all I’ve been thinking about since I seen those stupid posters all over the halls. It was fucking depressing thinking about how stupid it is that we can’t enjoy it like everyone else. But I want to go with you. So yes, whatever it takes to make it work, then let’s do it.”

Troy tugged my shirt, moving me to stand in front of him now. He grabbed my face and pulled me into another kiss. I pushed into it and his back hit the wall behind him. The rush I got from this being semi-public was ten times better than normal. It was exhilarating and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Until it happened.

“Wheeler! What the hell! Are you out here being a fucking fag?” I turned around to find James walking towards me and quickly at that. He was coming from the football field locker room. Shit. I quickly pushed Troy behind my back, making sure he wouldn’t be seen as he turned around. I could feel him shaking against my back. I reached backwards and rested my hand on his hip for a few seconds, reassuring him that I’m right here.

“Do you have a problem with me James? I’m not doing anything to you.” I was trying to steady my breaths, but it was easy to spot my nerves. Troy was leiniate on not outing anyone because he knew how it would feel if he was outed. But this is James.

“But you are? You’re making me watch that disgusting shit. No one wants to see that.” He suddenly lunged forward and grabbed me by the shirt collar and started dragging me back into the building.

Troy turned around quickly, unsure of what to do. “Go!” I mouthed at him, hoping he could get out of this where I wouldn’t be so lucky. He started running around towards the front of the building, trying to make his entrance look different than being with me.

The next thing I knew, I was being thrown to the ground in the middle of the cafeteria. James stood over me as the entire cafeteria went silent.

“What’s going on here?” Richie yelled, running up to where we stood in the middle of everyone. Will followed closely behind. Everyone seemed to have left their seats and circled around. I could see Troy trying to push his way through the mass of people to get a better look of what was happening.

“I just caught your brother being one of those freak fags behind the school.” Richie was bending down to help me get up off the ground. “He was all over some guy. It was so gross.”

“And why is that gross?” Richie’s tone was deadly and I could see him staring daggers into James’s eyes.

“Because that’s just not right! Nobody wants to see that.”

“He can love whoever he wants to love James. That’s up to him.” His words were finite as he took a step closer to him.

“But he’s gay!” 

“No, he’s bisexual. If you are going to be calling anyone gay, it should be me.” There were several gasps let out before there was silence once again. 

“Rich, you don’t have to do this.” I was on the brink of tears.

“Yes, I do Mike! I’m not going to sit here and watch him treat you like this.”

Will shot me a quick look and my eyes went wide with realization of what he was about to do. “And me.” He said quickly, nerves radiating off of his body.

James spins around, searching the crowd. He immediately spots Troy a few feet away. “Come on Troy! Why aren’t you saying anything? We have three fucking fags right here. You always take the lead on these things. Why are you making me do this alone?”

“Because I’m not going to hurt them anymore. I promised them I wouldn’t. They don’t deserve this James.” His words were spoken through gritted teeth as he started to step closer to the middle of the circle.

“And why the hell not? I mean, we always knew Byers was gay and I figured that Wheeler was by associating with him. It’s pretty funny that his brother is one too. But now I have proof. No more speculations Troy. I found Wheeler kissing another fag behind the school. It’s so fucking gross man. They definitely deserve this shit if they want to be gross like that.”

I could see Troy’s eyes tearing up at the words his best friend was saying. Richie gave me a scared look. He was worried about what was about to happen. Will’s face was in just as much shock, just waiting for the shoe to drop. We were waiting on Troy to break his promise, bite back his tears, and call us every name in the book. I was hoping with everything inside me that Troy wouldn’t just crumble right there on the floor. I wanted so bad to hold his hand in comfort, but I knew I couldn’t. Not right now anyways. I could take the heat from James. I’ve been doing it for years. It would break Troy though. But what no one in the room expected to happen next unfolded in front of our eyes.

“James, the gross fucking fag he was kissing was me. And I would appreciate it if you would keep my boyfriend’s, his brother’s, and his best friend’s names out of your mouth. If you really want to talk about a fag in the room, it should be me cause god knows I deserve it for everything I’ve put them through all of those years.” Without even realizing it, Troy had crossed the room and grabbed my hand, giving himself all of the strength he needed to get his spill out.

I wouldn’t feel his hand long though. Within seconds, he was laid out on the floor being pummeled by James.

We sat together in the nurse’s office as Troy iced his eye that was most definitely going to be swollen shut for a week. I sat hand in hand with him, not planning on leaving any time soon. We had both already paid a visit to the principal and explained our side of the story. Richie, Will, and I all got off easy with a week of detention. It’s funny because all we did was stand there and get bullied. Troy didn’t get off so easily though. The school has a strict no fighting policy. Even though Troy never threw a single punch, he still had to spend the next week suspended. It was totally unfair.

The final bell rang and Troy looked up at me with sad eyes. “What’s wrong?” I asked, squeezing his hand harder.

“I don’t want to go home yet.” He seemed so scared. I knew that the principal had called all of our parents. I was just hoping for Troy’s sake that the contents of why the fight started would remain a mystery to his parents.

“Then let’s not.” I said, giving him a giant reassuring smile.

“Where would we even go?”

I sat there and pondered on it for a few minutes before I got the genius idea. “As my officially public boyfriend, I say we go on a little date. A real one this time.” He gave me a soft smile and nodded.

I led him out to the school parking lot, making sure he made it just fine. The nurse said she didn’t think he had a concussion, but the swollen eye was killer. Once we got out to his truck, he dug into his pocket and fished out his keys, pushing them into my hand. “Go get your bike and put it in the bed of the truck.”

“Troy, I can’t drive.” I was looking him dead in the eyes, trying to read his thoughts as he laughed. “Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not laughing at you! I’m laughing at the situation. I honestly don’t know what’s the worst option. You driving without knowing how or me driving without being able to see.”

I was laughing too this time. “Okay, I see what you’re saying. Wait sorry, that was bad wording.” He shoved me and I laughed, carrying my bike back to his truck.

“I’ll walk you through it, okay? You’re going to be fine. I definitely think you are the safest option here.”

“You obviously haven’t seen Nancy trying to teach me how to drive.”

“You just haven’t had the right teacher.” He smirks. I gave him a nervous nod and got into the front seat. “You just have to make it to the ice cream shop. That’s two minutes from here. There aren’t any stop lights, only one stop sign. You’ve got this.” He laid his hand on my thigh as I held the steering wheel in a death grip. “Loosen up. You’re really tense.”

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. “Okay. Okay, I can do this.” I looked over to see Troy smiling at me.

“Okay, so push your foot against the break and put the truck in reverse.” I nodded and slowly followed his directions, keeping my foot on the break afterwards and looking back to him. “Release the break slowly and back up a little bit before cutting the wheel in the opposite direction.” After very slowly and steadily following his directions, I was out of the parking space and heading towards the exit of the parking lot. “Okay, we are in no rush so just take your time at whatever speed you are comfortable. Make sure you can see both the yellow and white lines out of your mirrors and you are all set.”

The drive went smooth and I only freaked out once when someone decided to slam on their breaks in front of me. Troy launched his arm across to cover my chest as I slammed on the breaks. I barely missed rear ending the car before they finally turned off. “Are you okay?” I asked him, though I was clearly the spooked one.

“I’m fine Mike. Are you okay? I’m sorry that asshole did that.” I nodded and started moving again. I turned on my blinker in plenty of time before I made it to the parking lot of the ice cream shop. Once I finally pulled into the spot and put the truck in park. Troy leaned over to give me a tight hug. “I’m proud of you. You know that? I know this scared you, but I’m proud of you.”

The irony in his words was borderline hilarious. “Troy, you act like you didn’t just overcome an even bigger fear today. I’m proud of you .”

“I made a promise and I planned to keep it. To shit with anyone who tries to hurt you.”

We walked into the ice cream shop, hand in hand, uncaring of the dirty looks that were shot our way. It didn’t matter anymore. None of it. All that mattered was the fact that I could finally be normal just like everyone else. I could take my boyfriend out on dates and spoil him just like I would be able to with any girl. This is what I wanted. This is what made me happy.

We sat together at a booth sharing a sundae. Our words went on for hours, uncaring of the world around us. While everything else carried on, we stayed the same in that moment, unwilling to move. We hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. How did it happen so quick? The sun was starting to set and I knew that if I was struggling to drive during the day, driving at night would be ten times worse.

We made our way out to the truck and started heading towards Troy’s house. Luckily, it was only five minutes away and only a seven minute bike ride for me from there home. This time, we had no scares and I was starting to feel a little bit better about this driving thing. It definitely wasn’t fun. No, it was terrifying. But it was doable. I parked his truck in the driveway and walked him up to his door. He fumbled around with the keys, searching for the one that would unlock it. He wouldn’t have to find it though.

His mother was opening the door before he ever had the chance to find it. “Where have you been Troy?” His eyes were ghostly and he froze. “You better answer me son.”

“We were in town getting ice cream, Mrs. Walsh.” I supplied at Troy’s lack of words. I was starting to get worried.

“Ice cream?” She scoffed. “Troy, we got a call from the school today. Apparently you were in some fight with that Dante boy? Isn’t he your friend.” Her words were pointed.

I could hear Troy’s gulp as he painfully knew where this conversation was heading. “Not anymore mom.” It was all he could give.

Unpleased, she looked back over to me, finally acknowledging that I was the one who answered her in the first place. “Who are you? You look so familiar.”

“It’s been several years, Mrs. Walsh.” I gave a sheepish grin at the moment I was implying about.

“Oh my god. You’re that Wheeler boy. Troy, why are you with this boy? He hurt you!” Her tone was exaggerated at the thought that he could ever be friends with someone like me. She never knew the truth of what happened that day. She never knew that I was the one that jumped off that cliff. She never knew that El was the one that broke his arm. She never knew Troy was the one that held a knife to Dustin’s mouth. She didn’t know the truth about any of it.

“He wasn’t the one that hurt me mom. Mike is my,” he seemed to be searching for the right word and pain was written all over his face, “friend.” He looked sheepishly at me as he let out a deep breath. I gave him a soft smile. I understood.

“Were you part of the fight today too?” She was looking very skeptical now.

“Yes ma’am.” I gulped. I knew exactly where this was heading.

“Troy, I don’t want you hanging out with this boy. The principal told me there were some very nasty things said during that fight. I don’t want you associating with this boy if those things are true.” I felt like I was being shot through the heart. The words were directed at Troy, but they were shot at me. It fucking hurt. But I had to be strong for him. I had to fight back the tears and stand my ground.

For the second time today, Troy surprised me. “Mom, don’t talk about Mike like that.”

“And why not? It’s disgraceful.” She said it so nonchalantly, like it was just a simple fact.

“Because mom!” He was angry now and his words started to fall out like a waterfall. “Because Mike isn’t just my friend. Mike is my boyfriend. So if you are going to talk like that, direct it at me, your son, not him. You have no right to talk to him that way.” Her face dropped in shock and she wasn’t moving a muscle anymore. She opened and closed her mouth several times, unsure of what to say. “What? They didn’t tell you I stood up for him before getting my face beat in? They didn't tell you that James caught us kissing behind that school and that’s why the fight broke out in the first place?”

“Troy baby, you don’t mean that.” She was reaching out for him, trying to get him away from me.

Troy pushed her reaching arm away. “ I mean every fucking word of it mom. I’ve hid for so long. I’m tired of hiding.” Tears were streaming down his face and I didn’t know what to do.

“You better not let your father hear of this!” Her words were spit in his face and he flinched.

“Hear of what darling?” Troy’s father came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“That your son is a fucking fag.” He screamed, unwilling to waste any more time on this conversation. My head whipped around to him at the anger in his voice. His face was bright red and his gaze was sharp. 

The next thing I knew, his father was pushing Troy out of the doorway and back into the yard. One good shove and Troy was laid out on the ground again, just like he was earlier today. He was chuckling manically and I was terrified. Has Troy really gone mad? “Troy!” It’s like my body snapped and I was running towards where he was laying. I tried pulling his dad off of him before he could lay another hand on him. But all I managed to do was take an elbow to the nose.

I felt the blood rushing as I stumbled backwards. Troy’s eyes went wide, noticing finally what happened. “Mike, go home please.

“No! I’m not leaving you here.” His dad grabbed him by the shirt collar and started dragging him inside the house away from me.

“Go home.” These words were finite. I had no other choice. Troy gave me no other choice. He was doing this alone and it killed me to think of. But I grabbed my bike out of the bed of his truck and did the only thing I could do. With blood covering my shirt, I hopped on my bike and started pedaling fast. As fast as my legs would allow it. As fast as I could manage with the tears that blocked my vision.

I went home.

Chapter Text

Every Little Everything

Will's POV

I sat in the counselor's office talking to my therapist for a double session today. It’s the Monday of spring break, but she made an exception for me when I called and asked to meet. Between what happened at school on Friday and what’s coming up, my mind has been racing just a bit. Talking is good. Talking has been working. Mary (she thinks having me call her by her first name makes it more personal) believes that helping me to see all sides of the situation can calm me down and help me to understand why other people might act the way they do in certain situations. It’s an interesting tactic, but it seems to be working for me. Though, no matter what she tries to tell me, I can’t shake the hunch that my birthday is going to be forgotten again this year. 

This year, my birthday falls on a Wednesday during spring break. Two days from now. And I wouldn’t have that big of a worry about it if Richie hadn’t already made plans. And not only did he have plans, but everybody else did too. He asked me last week if I wanted to join him and the rest of the Party to play D&D in their basement. It was the weirdest thing honestly. For one, we always play with Hellfire now. It’s never just the original Party. For two, we have never played on a Wednesday in my almost seventeen years of life. For three, I am the last to get invited because he said the rest of the Party already plans to be there. And finally, Richie has never even mentioned an interest in D&D. And now he wants to play out of nowhere on what just so happens to be my birthday? I’m just so confused and I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it. But he seems so excited to play his first campaign. 

He claims Mike has been helping him create a character and he’s been learning how to play. He won’t tell me anything about his character though. He says it’s a surprise. The way his face lit up while telling me though, I just couldn’t tell him no.

Mary tried to tell me not to make assumptions. Just because this was planned on my birthday doesn’t mean they are going to completely forget about me. I mean, I did get invited. She told me that if I feel comfortable, I can express my concerns instead of keeping them internalized. But I just can’t tell him no. I just can’t Not when he seems that happy. And quite honestly, I would love to experience his first D&D campaign by his side. Maybe I am just overreacting.

***

I walked up to the front door of the Wheeler house, wiping my clammy palms on my shorts. It’s okay Will. It’s okay. I kept telling myself. I knocked and heard some rustling behind the door, but no one ever came to let me in. I forced the tears that were trying to bubble up back down. Don’t be a baby Will. I knocked again. A little louder this time. The door flung open to an out of breath Karen. 

“Will honey!” She brings me into a quick hug that honestly surprises me. “I’m so sorry it took me so long. I was running some snacks downstairs and my hands were full when you knocked.” 

“It’s okay, Mrs. Wheeler.” I painted on a fake smile to try and hide my previous freak out. But she just gave me a knowing smile.

“They are all downstairs waiting to get started.” She opened the door a little farther and stepped to the side to let me in. Sensing I was already feeling a bit down, she added in, “They are pretty excited to see you. I don’t know anything about this stuff, but the boys said it’s a really cool campaign that they have never seen anyone do before.” Now that piqued my interest. Mike is definitely creative when it comes to his campaigns, but they are usually still common characters.

I made my way to the basement stairs and saw a sign taped to the door. We all float down here. Why did that sound so familiar? It was clearly in Richie’s chicken scratch handwriting. There was also a red balloon tied to the doorknob. They really went all out with this one.

After I opened the door, I saw a giant banner stretched across the ceiling. Happy Birthday Will . I could actually cry thinking they would forget. No, this is all for me. Richie learned to play so that he could play with me on my birthday. By the time I made it down the stairs, Richie was running up to me, picking me up in a hug, and spinning me around in circles. “It’s about time the birthday boy joined us!”

“Richie! Put me down!” I was giggling and squirming in his arms. After lots of pleading, he finally sat me back on the ground and plopped a very wet kiss on my cheek. “Gross!” I said as I wiped his spit away.

“William, how dare you wipe my love away.” He was giving me a mischievous grin. The rest of the Party was standing around trying their hardest not to laugh at the display.

“So will you finally tell me about this character you created?” He gave a quick look back at Mike who only returned a devious smile.

“Take your seat and you can find out when we get started.” I rolled my eyes and he winked, only worsening my frustration. Why wouldn’t he just tell me?

Mike and Richie both stood out of the way, giggling with each other while the rest of us gathered in our normal seats around the table. Dustin was on the DM chair’s left side. Lucas sat beside him. Then Max. Then El. This time there was an extra empty seat for Richie. And then my seat on the DM chair’s right side. Mike was always our DM when it was just the Party. So that’s why I was so confused when he left Richie’s side to take the normal seat beside me. My eyes went wide and I couldn’t stop staring at him, as if I would be able to see a visible sign of what was going on. He couldn’t stop laughing. Finally, Richie came and sat down in the DM’s chair.

“Did you figure it out yet, Will the Wise?” Richie leaned forward on the table, propping his head up on his hand to look at me. 

“You wrote your own campaign?”

“Just for you sweet cheeks!” I felt overwhelmingly warm. He did this for me. He went through the trouble of creating this entire campaign, for a game he’s never even played before, all for me. “You might even recognize the story.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I looked down at the table and noticed the map of Derry. “Oh my god, Richie! This is amazing.” Everyone looked around, confused that I actually recognized this entirely new campaign. Richie just held up his pointer finger over his lips with a silent shhh.

He got started explaining the story of his campaign: The Curse of It . If I thought that Mike was a great storyteller, Richie was ten times better. Between his outgoing personality and his range of voices, he told the story immaculately.

“Okay, first things first,” he clapped loudly, “I need each of you to add your top three fears to your character sheet.”

“Fears?” Max questioned. “We already have weaknesses.”

“Two very different things. Fears are a big part of the story. Each turn, you will roll a D4. One through three for your top three fears and a fourth for a blank, meaning you won’t have to worry about it for the round. It is a shapeshifter. He can turn into your greatest fear and feed off it.”

“That’s wicked cool dude! So what’s the catch?” Dustin asked.

“After you roll for your specific fear, you will roll a D20 for hit points. The higher your fear is ranked, the more damage it will cause to either you or him. Even numbers cause damage to him and odd numbers cause damage to you. But be careful not to roll a 1.”

“What happens if you roll a 1?” El had never really been the most interested in D&D, but she played with us anyways. This, however, seemed to be some real interest.

Richie abruptly stands up from his seat and lets his limbs fall limp. He rolls his eyes back, looking straight up at the ceiling, as he slowly rises on his toes. Then he starts laughing. “The deadlights!” Max and Lucas sat up straight and looked really uncomfortable. “Are you okay?”

“H-how did you know how to do that?” Max asked timidly.

Mike quickly interrupts, noticing the uncanny resemblance. “It’s just a story, Max. He didn’t know.” Then he turned to Richie. “Sorry dude, I didn’t even think about that. Vecna did something similar to Max.”

The entire room gasped. “He knows?”

“He’s my brother and he’s dating Will. He kind of has to know just in case. I promise he didn’t do this on purpose. I never told him because I honestly never saw it happen Max. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry Max. I would have never included it if I knew.” Then he added in, much quieter this time, “Even though it’s pretty important.”

“Why is it important?” Max asks.

“It takes you out of the game until someone can break the trance. How is something you will all have to figure out. But while you are in the trance, you will gain knowledge on how the others are supposed to die.”

After a few minutes of us all sitting in silence, Dustin finally speaks up. “So how are we supposed to defeat It?”

“You have to make him starve.” He said in a low grumbled voice, finally getting back into character. 

We played for several hours. We had to figure out how Derry’s sewer system connected to It. We realized that the Neibolt house was the epicenter. We went into the well house and down into the sewer. Slowly, but surely, we walked the path of Richie’s very detailed story. And with each of us having very few hit points left, we were finally able to defeat It.

“What the hell dude! That was epic! How did you come up with this? I’ve never seen anyone attempt a campaign like this.” Dustin was basically jumping off the walls with excitement.

“Yeah, you don’t even like english class. How did you write such an elaborate story? And a shapeshifter? Dude, insane!” Lucas added in.

“I had so much fun killing this fucking clown the first time, I decided to do it again.” Richie laughed and I tried to hide my smile. Mike was inconsolably laughing though.

“Say that again?” Max asked skeptically. “And can someone get Wheeler off the floor?”

“Internalized homophobia, dying, and clowns. My big three.” 

“Do you really mean—?” Lucas asked, a bit more concerned this time.

“I smacked him over the head with a baseball bat.” Richie said with the biggest grin. “I wasn’t alone though. All of the Losers were there too.”

“Your friends from where you previously lived?” El asked.

“Derry, Maine. There were seven of us. Bill, Stan, Eddie, Beverly, Ben, Mike, and me.”

“So you’re telling me you’ve dealt with this shit too?” Dustin asked. “How did you even get involved? Like what happened for you to realize you had a demon clown in your town.”

“Kids were disappearing. Derry is the place where everyone acts like they care, but they never really do anything about it. Missing posters would go up all over town and within a week, they would be replaced with another kid’s face. But the day Georgie went missing, Bill wouldn’t stop. He was going to do everything in his power to find him.”

“Georgie?”

“Bill’s little brother.” The entire room went silent. “He didn’t make it, but we stopped It from killing anyone else. We were only thirteen.”

“Is that why he stutters? Is it like PTSD?” Mike asked.

Richie couldn’t stop laughing. “No! I mean yes, it’s PTSD, but not from Georgie. But I’ll let him tell you the story. B-B-Bill has had a stutter since we were little kids. It’s gotten way better though.”

“You’ve met them?” Lucas asks Mike.

“I basically stayed with Bill when we went to get Richie. That’s where Richie was staying after he left his parents’ house. And Richie took me with him to this really cool clubhouse Ben built when he went to say goodbye to the rest of the Losers. And then there was Thanksgiving—” Richie’s eyes went wide and he coughed to interrupt Mike before looking at me to make sure I was okay.

“I met them on Thanksgiving. They made a trip down to surprise Richie.” I gave a soft smile. “They are all pretty nice, especially Bev. I think you would get along with her well Max.”

Richie gulped, realizing I was comfortable enough to talk about it. “Yes, another fiery redhead.”

“Well when are we going to meet your friends Richie?” El asked.

“I— I don't know.” He said sadly. “I’m just going to run to the bathroom. I’ll be back.” He got up quickly and was up the basement stairs before any of us could say a word.

“Okay, what the hell happened at Thanksgiving?” Max snapped.

“Thanksgiving was just a lot. Umm, we don’t really like to talk about it. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Mike gave me a worried look. “Go check on him. I’m sorry Will.”

I made my way up the stairs and found Richie sitting on his bed crying. I walked into the room and shut the door before I sat down beside him. I leaned in and gave him a giant hug, refusing to let go no matter how many tears landed on my arms.

“Will, I’m so sorry. This is supposed to be your birthday. We are supposed to be having fun. I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“Richie, it’s okay. You miss them. I know you do. It’s okay to be upset.”

“I’m upset because they hurt you. I do miss them, but they hurt you. And instead of telling the Party, you acted like they were nice to you. You put them above your own feelings for me.”

“I’m in a much better place now. You know this. I understand why Eddie acted the way he did. But I’m not lying when I say they are nice. They were all so nice to me. Yes, it might have taken a bit for Eddie to accept it, but eventually he came around. They are your friends Richie. Of course I’m going to make sure to stay on their good side. But I promise I’m not lying. I like your friends.” I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips to reiterate my point. “I’ll give you some space. Feel free to come down and join us whenever you are ready. No rush at all. And thank you so much for today Richie. You have no idea what this means to me. I love you.” I gave him one last kiss before walking out the door.

“I love you too, Will.” He gave me a soft smile. I knew it would take him a bit, but he was going to be okay.

When I made it back down the basement steps, I stopped, trying to talk myself up for what I was about to do. “Will, are you okay? Is Richie okay?” Mike asked from where they were all still sitting at the table.

I patted the front of my shorts and gulped. “Can I talk to you privately Mike?”

His eyebrows shot up. “Y-yeah sure.” I knew he was nervous and I should have done a better job at making it seem like everything was okay. Nothing was wrong really. He was just upset.

We walked out of the basement door and took a seat in the grass. I sat there picking at the blades while Mike stared intently at me wondering what happened. Eventually I willed myself to speak up. “Do you happen to know the Losers’ phone numbers?”

“Why Will? You’re kind of scaring me. First Richie runs out, then you go to talk to him, and now you can barely even ask me this.” He was wringing his hands together and picking at his fingers.

“I want to invite them down for Richie’s birthday.” I let it all out in one breath.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea Will? I mean you remember what happened last time.”

“Look Mike. Richie isn’t ever going to invite them himself. He’s beating himself up over how much he misses them, but he doesn’t want to hurt me. We’ve set boundaries with Eddie and he seemed to finally understand. Plus we were all already on edge that day and it just heightened the emotions. I’ve been going to therapy and things are getting better. I haven’t had a relapse in months. These are Richie’s friends. I want him to have his friends for his birthday.”

Mike took a deep breath, thinking long and hard as he let my words soak in. His eyes never moved up to look at me. I knew he didn’t want to tell me. But he knew I wasn’t going to take no for an option. “I know Bill’s.”

One is all I would need. They could figure out the rest.

Chapter Text

I Am An Odd Year

Richie's POV

I woke up to a gentle hand shaking my shoulder. I could hear Mike groaning beside me, meaning he was being woken up just the same. I rolled over and caught a glance at the alarm clock that sat on the nightstand between our beds. We still had thirty minutes before our alarm would even be going off. What the hell! I grabbed my pillow and covered my face trying to will myself back to sleep. But the persistent shakes soon turned into voices.

“Michael. Richard. Happy Birthday!” Mom said in a gentle, hushed voice.

“Let me sleep!” Mike groaned.

“Yeah, why are you waking us up so early?” I finally opened my eyes to see her and dad sitting at the ends of our beds.

“We have a surprise for you boys.” Dad pipes up as he pulls the cover away from Mike. The cold breeze jolts him up.

“Dad!” But all dad could do was laugh. That’s when I noticed they were each holding a small box.

“This surprise better be good if you are waking us up thirty minutes before our alarm.” I huffed, finally sitting up. They passed us each a little box and together we opened it to find a matching set of keys. Our eyes went wide and we quickly turned to look at each other before looking back to our parents who wore giant smiles.

“It’s nothing special and you will have to share. Adding in a fourth car is expensive enough as it is. But, with Nancy gone to college most days, you boys need something of your own to drive. And maybe this will encourage you to actually learn how to drive Michael.” Mom explained.

“Hey! I’ve driven before.” He added, offended.

“Oh, have you son? Without a license?” Dad asked. I looked over at Mike skeptically. I honestly had no idea when this happened. Mike seemed to pick up on it.

He took a deep breath and leaned back until his head hit the headboard. “I drove Troy home in his truck. You know, when he couldn’t see because of James giving him a black eye? I was kind of the best option at that point.” Mom and dad seemed to be extremely concerned by his anwer.

“Why didn’t you tell us about this honey? Is this what the call from school was about?” Mom asked gently. I could see Mike’s eyes starting to tear up.

“He stood up for me in front of the entire school.” He choked out a few cries before continuing. “Then he took a beating from his best friend after we were all completely humiliated.”

I climbed out of bed and sat beside him, pulling him into a hug. “Come on, it’s a happy day today. No more tears.” I gently wiped the tears from his cheeks and mom and dad gave a soft smile. “Hey, let’s go check out that car! I have to say that’s definitely the best birthday gift ever, righ?” I ruffled his hair and he let out a little laugh.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” He gave a small smile. 

“We wanted to wake you boys up early so that you could drive to school. And maybe stop by and pick up Will and Troy along the way.” Mom seemed so excited, but I felt Mike shrink into himself.

“Sounds like a plan.” Mike choked out. 

As soon as they walked out of the room, I turned to Mike. “What’s wrong? I know you don’t want to tell them, but please talk to me Mike.”

“I don’t think we can pick up Troy.” He said sheepishly, offering little explanation. Okay, so I was going to have to pry a little bit. Yeah, I felt bad but he needed to talk about it. I haven’t been able to get him to open up since he came home with a bloody, and probably broken nose. All I could do was help him clean up in silence.

“Why not? His suspension is over.”

He swallowed hard and I could tell this was really bothering him. “I— I’m worried about him. I went to check on him after that night.” He swallowed again. “He had his curtains to his window closed like he didn’t want to see me.” I squeezed him tighter. “I know that’s not true, but sometimes I feel like it is. Why couldn’t I just see his face to make sure he’s okay?”

“I’m sure he still wants to see you Mike. He wouldn’t do what he did at school if he didn’t care for you.”

He nodded his head a few times, working up the courage. “He had this piece of paper taped to the window. The curtains were probably closed to hide it from his parents honestly. It said grounded during spring break and suspension — don’t knock, they are listening<3 .”

“See Mike, there’s nothing to worry about.”

He shuddered at my words. “Richie, that’s only two weeks. It’s been almost three. He hasn’t been back to school since.”

“Let’s get ready for school, okay? We can pick up Will and then we will stop by Troy’s house and you can check on him.” He sniffled a bit, but nodded all the same.

We pulled up to the Byers-Hopper house just in time to see Will walking out to his own car before catching us pulling up. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me behind the wheel. Mike quickly hopped out of the passenger's seat, surrendering it over to Will as he climbed into the back. “Well, happy birthday! It looks like you two are off to a good start.” Will says, slinging his backpack into the floorboard and sitting down. He leaned in to give me a quick kiss and I could see Mike rolling his eyes out of the corner of my eye. I chuckled a bit, before putting the car in drive and heading toward Troy’s.

I put the car in park in front of Troy’s house and Mike just sat there for a minute. “Do you want me to go with you?” He shook his head and slowly got out of the car. Will and I sat in silence as we watched Mike walk to the back of the house, rather than up to the front door. Mike still never told me the entire story this morning, but I could help but think Troy’s parents might have a bit to do with the problem.

“Is he okay?” Will finally asked after Mike disappeared behind the house.

“I don’t think so. He won’t talk about it though. Something happened and he hasn’t talked with Troy since. It’s just this constant cycle of him going to his window, but never actually getting to see or talk to him. I’ve tried to get him to open up about it, but he won’t.” Will just squeezed my hand and gave me a knowing look.

“Give him some time, Rich. This is all still very fresh. We don’t really know what happened, but school alone was traumatizing enough for those two. You know they weren’t ready to be out.” I sighed and brought our intertwined hands up to my mouth for a soft kiss. He’s right. Will is always right. God, I just wish there was something I could do to help him.

When Mike made it back, he was trying to wipe away tears. Troy hadn’t followed and by the looks of it, Mike didn’t even get to see him. Even that would have warranted a bit of happiness at this point. “The sign is still up.” He said after finally drying his eyes. “His light was off though. I don’t think he’s home.”

I reached back and patted Mike’s knee before putting the car back in drive. “Maybe that means he’s going to be at school today.” I was trying so hard to be positive, but I was honestly just as scared as Mike was at this point. 

Flashbacks of Connor hit me like a truck. It’s a weird sense of deja vu. When Henry found out, everything went downhill. Neither of us were ready, but especially not Connor. Please don’t let this be the same thing. For Mike’s sake, I hope he never has to go through that. But dread was filling me. It felt too familiar. “Shit.” I didn’t realize I had said it out loud until both of their eyes were on me.

“What’s wrong, Rich?” Will asked, rubbing circles over my thumb with his own. I hadn’t told them the full truth about Connor and today definitely wasn’t going to be the day I did that. It hurt enough just for me to think about it. I couldn’t make Mike worry more than he already was. I just pleaded that I was wrong. I pleaded that their fate wouldn’t be the same as ours was. But the more this went on, the more I feared it was.

“Oh nothing, I just forgot to do my math homework.” I lied, gripping the steering wheel a little too hard until I noticed my knuckles were turning white. I quickly released the tension, but not before Will noticed and gave me a worried look.

Troy wasn’t at school again today.

***

I was so excited to head home after school on Friday. We had planned to have a movie marathon for our birthday this year. A night full of snacks, movies, and just hanging out with the Party sounded like a great idea. I was hoping it would be good to help Mike loosen up a bit too. Though I hoped more than ever that Troy would bust through the door at some point to solve all of our worries.

The Party had followed us back home straight after school. We weren’t going to waste any time if we planned to get as many movies in as possible. They also planned to stay overnight. Mom was a little more lenient with having the girls stay over since they weren’t so much of a threat anymore. If you know what I mean.

I was slightly confused though when the entire Party pushed me to the front of the pack before we started going down the basement stairs. I turned around and they were all wearing knowing smiles. It was pretty freaky to be honest. I shook it off though and turned back around. They probably just had some joke planned. But Mike knew too. And did actually look happy?

I opened the door and no sooner than my foot stepped off the last stair, I was enveloped in a giant group hug. I could see anything. All I could feel was the crushing of multiple arms around me. No one said a word, but I could hear laughs from the Party. Okay good, I wasn’t in danger. I finally wiggled around and they released their grip. I was able to see that all six of the Losers were standing around me wearing shit eating grins. “I told you I could keep a secret!” Will laughed and walked over to my side.

“What? What secret?” I asked, blubbering over my words.

“Your birthday gift, silly.” He gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Happy birthday Richie!” The Losers all chorused together.

“And Mike!” Beverly pipes up, standing on her toes to look over at him over the group of boys. He chuckled and came to give the group hugs, which the Party seemed to be a bit taken aback by. Mike wasn’t normally one for affection, but it’s been a few months since he saw all of the Losers.

“I think this calls for some introductions.” Eddie adds in. Our introductions turn into conversations of vast variety. From school to hobbies and interest to supernatural events. It all seemed so comfortable. And just like I figured, the Party and the Losers got along pretty well.

After people started breaking off into their own conversations, the movie plan completely abandoned for the time being, I pulled Will off to the side. “Hey, are you okay? I mean thank you so much for this. You have no idea what this means to me. But I have to make sure you are okay.”

“I’m fine Richie. I promise. I’m in a much better place now. I’ve talked this over with Mary multiple times before deciding on it. We both thought it would be a good challenge for myself. I called Bill and mentioned my idea because that was the only number Mike had. Within an hour, I got a call from Eddie apologizing again, very personally this time. And he thanked me for inviting everyone. I know you missed them Rich. You deserve to have your friends on your birthday. Or well, at least for your party.” Happiness overtook me at his words. He went through so much to do this little thing for me. To think this is the same scared kid I met seven months ago doesn’t even seem real. He’s grown into himself. He’s learned to accept himself. And most importantly, he’s learned how to love himself just as much as he loves me. He’s not just doing this to make me happy. He’s finding ways to keep himself safe and make me happy at the same time. He is really trying and I couldn’t love him more for it.

I pulled him into a tight hug. My arms clutched around his waist, not letting go. I pulled him into a slightly more aggressive kiss, I admit, for a public interaction. But he smiled into it all the same.

“Hey love birds! Are you two going to stand there and make out all day or are you going to come watch the movie with us like we planned?” Max piped up. She’s the one never afraid to speak exactly what comes to her mind. We turned around to notice everyone already sitting around the television staring at us. Blush creeped up my neck and I tried to unsuccessfully laugh it off. Will grabbed my hand and led me over to our spot on the couch.

As Mike was starting the movie, Bev added in, “You know, I really like her! It’s nice to see someone else with some spunk around here.” We all settled into laughter knowing how true her words were. These two girls were so similar, it was almost scary. “And damn Will. What did you do to him?” Will blushed profusely at the context of her words. “Who knew Richie Trashmouth Toz— Wheeler was whipped?” She had the biggest shit eating grin as I threw a pillow at her.

“I hate you with my whole heart Beaverly.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“Awe, how sweet! Does Will have you so far off your game you’re having to steal insults from Gretta?” 

“And Bev Marsh gets a good one off on the ole Trashmouth. Fuck you!” I stuck my middle finger up and kissed it before blowing it in her direction.

We settled in watching movies until well after midnight. Eventually we had to figure out the best situation for the sleeping arrangements. Ultimately we had to push the couch and tv out of the center of the room and we laid down a long row of sleeping bags for the Party and the Losers. Mike, Will, and I all surrendered to sleeping upstairs. There was no way we were going to fit all of us down there comfortably. We said our farewells and took the two flight hike up to our room. 

I could tell Mike was still struggling. His emotions were clearer to see if I was looking through a window. I was surprised he wasn’t in tears yet. I walked over to the window and started climbing outside to sit on the room. “What are you doing?” His voice cracked as he asked.

“I do my best thinking up here. Come on, come talk. Both of you.” They both filed out. I was hoping Will being there would be a good decision and not a bad one. I hoped it would help him to open up. “Are you okay?” I asked, laying my hand on his shoulder after they both got situated.

“No,” he admitted quietly. I watched Will move his hand up to start rubbing circles in his back for comfort.

“Will you talk to me?” I was trying my hardest to keep my voice steady and calm. He needed to trust me. He needed to be able to open up.

“Troy never showed up.” His voice was so frail. I had never seen him like this. “Why wouldn’t he come? We had this planned weeks ago. It’s not like he didn’t know.” He was started to get a little more worked up now. I could see the tears bubbling in his eyes.

“I really am sorry Mike. Didn’t you say he was grounded though?” I knew the answer that was coming. I was just trying my hardest to make him feel better.

“We’ve been over this Richie! Two week. It’s been three.” His sadness turned into anger and I could feel it all being directed towards me. I know he didn’t mean for it to, but it was definitely there.

“I bet something just came up Mike. His parents are kind of strict. Maybe they still aren’t letting him leave the house.” Will tried to provide.

“Strict is kind of an understatement.” Mike uttered under his breath. Was he actually about to explain what happened? “I mean Richie, you saw me when I came home that night. My nose was broken and blood was gushing. He made me leave as he was getting dragged back into the house. I got off easy. What about him? I just can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.” And there it is, all out on the table finally.

“Di– did his parents do that to you?” For the first time since we climbed out on the roof, Mike looked up at me. I could see it all in his eyes. I knew his answer was yes. But he never had time to answer me. Not after the low grumble of a truck stopped in front of our driveway. Had the house not been two stories, Mike would have jumped straight from the roof. Instead, he climbed back through the window and sprinted as fast as I’ve ever seen his unathletic body move. 

After three weeks on the dot, Troy finally showed his face.

Chapter Text

Letters to the Living

Mike's POV

I could recognize that low grumble anywhere. Though the window to our bedroom faced the back of the house, it didn’t take much for me to know it was finally him. Finally after three long weeks. What the fuck took him so long? I stood up quickly, seeing his red paint just over the tip of the roof and I just ran. I ran faster than I ever had. I knew my climb back into the window had to be horrendous. I mean, I face planted the moment my foot hit the carpet. But I didn’t have time to care or worry about my fucking face. It already looked horrible with my giant broken nose anyways. What’s a little more pain going to do to it? I basically took all of the stairs at once and flung the front door open before Troy even stepped foot out of his truck. I stood there on the front porch, huffing as he grabbed a box out of his passenger’s seat and walked up to me.

“Hi.” It was so quiet and didn’t sound anything like him. His body was standing right here in front of me, but he wasn’t actually here. It made everything come crashing down. I couldn’t hold back the emotions anymore.

“Why didn’t you come?” I choked out through heavy tears.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” He said it in such a calm tone that even had the slightest hint of a laugh behind it. Fuck him and fuck this. This isn’t fucking funny.

“You know what I mean Troy!” I spit. My sadness was turning into rage at a very alarming pace.

Troy didn’t react to my words, or the venom behind it negatively though. Instead he sat the box down at my feet and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers together. “Happy birthday Michael.” He cooed. Michael? Fucking Michael? When the hell has he ever called me that?

“Where have you been?” My anger dissipated back into sobs as I squeezed his hand tightly in mine. Afraid that if I didn’t he would let go and be gone again. “Your note said two weeks. It’s been three Troy.”

He looked at my eyes intently before taking a soft and slow breath. “You’ll understand when you open in.” He said, motioning towards the box he previously sat beside my feet.

His words felt like a shot through my heart. No! This can’t be happening. “I don’t want to open it.” My voice betrayed me as it cracked under the tears. “Not if it means what it sounds like it means.” I added in much more quietly, afraid of what his answer would be.

His eyes softened and he seemed to finally sound more like himself. “Shh. Look at me Mike. Please don’t cry.” He grabbed my face and started wiping the tears from my eyes. The touch welcomed me in for more. A hidden permission that it was okay. I tucked my face into his neck to hide all of the emotions that littered my face. “No, look at me.” He grabbed my chin sharply and pulled me into a long kiss. It felt so final. I knew this was where it was going deep down in my heart, no matter how much I wished it wasn’t true.

“Please don’t leave. Please Troy. You can’t leave me. You can’t do this.” I pleaded with everything I had. All of my energy drained from my body by the second. 

“I love you Michael. I always will.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, relishing in the moment like it would be the last. It will be the last won’t it? Why does he wait until now to tell me? Why does he fucking wait until he’s saying goodbye to tell me that he loves me?

“Then don’t leave me! If you love me then don’t leave me!” The anger returned by tenfold and it wasn’t going away any time soon. I was pissed beyond measure.

“I have to.” His own eyes were finally starting to tear up and every piece of my heart shattered. This means it's real. “Just don’t open it until I’m gone please.”

“I said I don’t want to open the fucking box!” I was punching into his gut now, crying on his shoulder as he stood there and just held me tighter. “Opening makes it final. I don’t want to fucking break up. I can’t lose you. Please!”

“Don’t make this harder than it is. I don’t have a choice.” He whispered into my ear. I could feel his tears blending together with mine as they ran down my cheek. “You have to open the box. What’s inside will explain everything. But I need you to wait until I’m gone to open it. It’s the only thing I ask of you. I love you more than you will ever know. More than that box will ever be able to explain. More than I ever thought I was capable of loving anyone.”

“I hate you so much! I hate you for how you treated me all of those years. I hate you because you’re leaving me and not even giving me a say. But most of all, I hate you because I fucking love you and I can’t do anything about it. You made me love you and now you are ripping my heart right out. You found me at what I thought was my worst, but I couldn’t be more wrong. This, god, this is my worst.”

He blinked away heavy tears. I know that my words hurt him just as much as his hurt mine. “Goodbye Michael.” He brought my hand up to his lips and gave it one last kiss before he dropped it and walked away.

I couldn’t move. I just stood there with tears rushing down my face as he pulled away. I wanted to run after him. I wanted to do everything in my power to change his mind. I wanted to follow him and see where he was going. I wanted so bad for this to all just be some horrible nightmare that I would wake up for. I never thought I could want the three weeks of him ignoring me to return. At least at that point I could still call him mine. Now there’s just nothing but this stupid fucking box that I want nothing to do with.

I don’t know how long I stood there after he left. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. All I know is that after some time, I was finally able to pick up the box and carry it into the silent house. Every light was off. There wasn’t a peep coming from the basement. Even Richie and Will were already asleep when I made it back up to our room. I made it a point to hide that box as far away in my closet as I could. I wanted to forget about it. I didn’t want it to fucking exist.

I didn’t want to fucking exist.

***

I woke up feeling weird. Tears still stained my face from the night before, though I easily could have been crying in my sleep well into the morning. My body ached. I almost felt drunk for how dizzy I was. Nothing felt right. There was bright light shining through the curtains and Richie and Will were no longer in bed, so it must have been pretty late.

I made my way downstairs to find everyone scattered between the kitchen and the living room, enjoying the breakfast mom had made for us. Their eyes all broke from their plates though when I finally made an appearance. Okay, maybe I didn’t just feel like shit. Maybe I also looked like shit. Who am I kidding? I definitely look like shit. No one managed to say a word though.

I slowly and methodically made my plate, though the idea of actually eating anything off of it made the bile in my stomach rumble. I plopped down in an empty seat on the couch. Dad had the morning news on while he enjoyed his coffee in his Lazy-Boy, unfazed by the house full of teenagers. Everyone else just seemed to tune it out. That was until the breaking news banner flashed across the screen.

The news reporter's singsong voice chirped the announcement across the screen. Her tone was way too happy for what she was saying. Eighteen year old Hawkins High School student, Troy Walsh, was recovered from the quarry early this morning. Investigators still aren’t sure at this time if this was a result of homicide or suicide. More details to come soon as the investigation continues.

The words rang through my brain. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, but I couldn't will myself to do anything. The plate of food that once resided in my hand, is now long gone, face down on the floor. I know I will get cursed out for the chucks of food in the carpet later, but I can’t be bothered to care. I noticed everyone’s mouths moving like they are trying to talk to me, but the sound isn’t coming out. I could see Richie’s hand on me, but I couldn't feel his touch. Dad is out of his Lazy-Boy now and kneeling in front of where I’m sitting on the couch, but I can’t seem to acknowledge he’s even there. Mom is wrapping me in a hug from the other side of the couch, but it’s like I’m not even here. I can see all of these things happening around me. To me. But I’m not me. I can’t do anything. I’m just stuck.

Everyone’s chairs are abandoned as they circle around me. It’s suffocating and just enough to snap me out of the trance I was so heavily engulfed in. I pushed past every set of arms that reached out to comfort me. I had tunnel vision and only one thing in mind. There was only one thing I could do. There was only one thing I had to do. What the fuck was in that box?

I slammed the bedroom door behind me and locked it for good measure. I wanted them to know just how much I needed to be left alone right now. I pulled the box out of the closet and I sat it in the middle of the bedroom floor. It was the most I had energy for. I grabbed the pocketknife off of my nightstand and gently cut the tape that held all of Troy’s secrets. His explanations. Everything.

On top sat a letter addressed to my love . My heart broke as I imagined hearing his voice saying those words. I sat the letter to the side and began going through the rest of the box. It was filled with hoodies, his cologne, pictures of us together that I didn’t even know he had, and a box full of unsent letters he had been writing addressed with the dates of the previous three weeks. It was a box full of him and us. I tugged at the closest sweatshirt until it unfolded and I put it on, instantly enveloped in his smell. His smell that no matter how long, I will never be able to forget. I sat there for a minute as tears ran down my face, soaking in the idea that this is really happening. He is really gone. We didn’t just break up. He’s really gone. He’s never coming back. My silent tears turn into sobs as I start beating the floor beside me. I can’t fix this now. I can never do anything to change his mind. He’s never coming back.

I slowly leaned forward to grab the letter. He said this would explain everything. But do I really want to know everything? Did his parents do this to him? Did he do this to himself? I really wonder if it would be better if I just never knew the answer. But I know I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t do the last thing he asked of me. He wanted me to read it. He wanted me to understand. He thought I deserved an explanation. 

I slowly drug my finger across the top of the letter, opening it. Its jagged edges are a perfect representation of my heart. I unfolded the paper that was already covered in tear stains and smudged ink. It made me cry more knowing that writing this alone made him that upset. But nonetheless, I continued on reading. For him.

Dear Michael,

I wish I could have met you later in life. I wish I could have held in the way I felt just a little while longer and made it out of Hawkins. I wish we could have met anywhere but here. Maybe then, things would be different. Maybe then, we could have been together. Really together. But we didn’t and it’s not and we can’t. You know what they say. You’re born and you die in this small little town. I just didn’t know that those two days would be this close together. I wish I could kiss those perfect lips of yours as my final breath runs out. But I know that would never work because then you would try to talk me out of it. 

You’re too good of a person Mike. I can’t make you do that. You always tried to see the best in me even though I never deserved it. You would have begged me to stay until my foot left that cliff. That same cliff I asked you to jump from many years ago. To think what would have happened if she was never there to save you. Now there’s no one here to save me. The perfect way to go out really. Funny how that works. Karma sure is a bitch. 

You are the only one with a letter Mike. You are the only one worth saying goodbye to. Of all the people I hurt in this world, it's you I wished not to hurt most of all. But in the end, I know I’ve hurt you more than anything I’ve ever done. If anything, you are the one that’s kept me holding on for as long as I have.

I thought I was strong enough to stand up for you against James. I thought I was ready to scream your name from the rooftop. But I’m weak. I wanted to be proud of you. I wanted to be proud of myself. I wanted to finally be able to call you mine in the open. But words make their way around fast in this shitty town. You of all people should know that. 

When my parents found out, my life was over before it could even really start with you. At first, they just tried to ground me. They thought the punishment would make me change my mind and decide to “obey them.” As if my sexuality was a choice in the first place. Two weeks of sitting in that stupid room watching your shadow move behind my curtain killed me. You would come every day with the hope I would finally open up and get to see you. But I never did. I couldn’t bear to let you deal with my parents again. Not after what my dad did to you.

Then after being grounded for two weeks didn’t work, my parents sent me off to live with my Uncle David and Aunt Linda for the week. A pastor and his wife. They hoped some reformation would change my ways. A mild and cheap conversion therapy if you will. It’s all a crock of shit. Nothing was going to change how I felt about you.

When I made it home and still refused to change, they kicked me out. They gave me one hour, which I spent packing the box and writing your letter. I didn’t need anything else. I had nothing to my name. The only person I had ever called my friend had outed you. He beat me up and shunned me whenever I stood up for you. You were the only good thing I had left in life.

But sometimes, one good thing just isn’t enough. I couldn’t ask you to take me in. Not with Richie there. I know how much he hates me. Rightfully so. And then there’s Will. I knew I hurt him in so many ways. But most of all, I knew how much you would rather be with him than me. Just as he was your first choice, you were mine. I got exactly what I wanted, but you were dealt the short end of the stick. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t ask you to choose between the two of us. I know I couldn’t ask because I already knew your answer. It will always be him.

This world isn’t kind Mike. Some of us just luck out better than others. You are one of the lucky ones. Go make a difference for me. I will always love you Mikey. It’s the last thing I’ll tell myself before saying goodbye to this world. Don’t say I never gave you anything. (Look inside the envelope).

P.S. Save me a dance at prom.

Love,

Troy <3

I opened up the envelope to find a dainty golden locket necklace. Inside the heart shaped locket was a picture of the two of us. On the other side, the words said always in my heart . I clasped the locket in my hands and held it close to my chest as I laid on the floor. My knees were scrunched up tight against my chest and I just cried. I cried until I could cry anymore. I know everyone could hear, but I couldn’t even be bothered to care. 

I could faintly hear the clicking sounds of the door being unlocked. I could hear the door swing open and everyone’s panic voices downstairs, unknowing what to do with the new information and me being inconsolable. I could hear the door shut again and the turn of the lock. I could feel hands enveloping me in a hug as we both just laid there on the floor together. Whoever it was didn’t matter. I didn’t plan on moving and by the looks of it, they didn’t either. They laid there and caressed my hair, wiped my tears, and rocked me back and forth. They didn’t say a word, but their actions spoke volumes. Once again I was wrong. I didn’t want to be alone. No, I couldn’t be alone. I shouldn’t be alone. Being alone is dangerous. 

I found myself being picked up and sat in bed. They made sure I had my back propped up against the wall to ensure I was sitting. No more sulking , my brain provided. The mystery person left my side for a few minutes and I heard rustling across the room. I couldn’t open my eyes to even try to figure out who it was. After the rustling stopped, I could feel the bed sink down beside me and a gentle hand rub over my knees I had pulled to my chest.

“Mike, I know you don’t want to talk right now. I know you want to be alone. But I can’t let you do that. I can’t keep letting you make my same mistakes. I need to protect you now.” It was Richie. I tried with all of the remaining energy I had to open my eyes. He was right there beside me. His eyes drilled holes through me as he intently was trying to get his point across. His demeanor was soft and empathic. Or was this sympathy? The moment we fully made eye contact, he continued. “I’m not sure what exactly happened to Troy, but by your reaction, I have a strong feeling.”

“Th-the b-box.” I choked out. Though no more tears could fall, I couldn’t stop heaving.

“I know.” He slowly pushed my legs away from my chest, attempting to relax the muscles in my body. “I wasn’t completely honest with you Mike. And don’t feel like you have to say anything. I know it’s hard right now. But I just need you to listen to me. I need you to not make any more of my mistakes, because I can’t bear to watch you go down that path. I can’t watch you sink into that level of depression. So I need you to know that I know exactly how you feel right now, but it gets better with time.” He sticks a crumbled up, and resmoothed piece of paper in front of me. The words that cover it are barely legible due to tear stains that cover it, just like mine. It’s addressed to Richie. “I tried to throw it out. I tried to make myself forget. But forgetting is bad Mike. You can’t forget something like this. I’ve tried to tell myself it didn’t happen. But that doesn’t change anything. There’s a reason I didn’t want you to have a Connor. There’s a reason that connection hurt me so bad. It’s because I can never get him back, Mike. He’s gone forever, just like Troy. And I never wanted that for you. But please just know I’m here. Please just know I understand. Please don’t let this take you down too. Because I, of all people, know just how hard it is to climb back up after being drug down.”

“I-in the f-floor.” My body was shaking. I couldn’t control my movements.

“I know Mike. I know.” I didn’t want to read his letter. It wasn’t meant for me. Just as my letter wasn’t meant for him. I laid it beside us on the bed and just let him sit there and hold me for what felt like years. 

Troy was always meant to be my Connor. I just didn’t know what that meant at the time.

Chapter Text

Breaking the Code

Will's POV

Mike was really starting to scare me. It had been two weeks since Troy passed and he only seemed to be getting worse. He didn’t show up for the funeral. Hell, even I went. Though the entire event was quite awkward. Neither of his parents even looked sad. It’s like they expected it to happen. Or worse, they were glad it did. Mike has been locking himself in his room nonstop. If it wasn’t for the fact that Richie lived in there two, he wouldn’t have seen human life. He’s refused to go to school, though by the looks of it, Ted is about to drag him out himself. Richie also said that all of the alcohol hidden in the basement was gone and made a point to tell Eddie and Steve not to bring any more anytime soon. I get that he’s morning, but it's starting to get ridiculous. He needs to leave his room. He needs to leave the house. And for the love of god, he needs to leave the alcohol alone. 

That’s why I made it a point to make sure he left the house tonight. It’s our junior prom. I’m not going to let him skip it. It was time for me to finally play the bad guy. I grabbed my suit and my toiletries bag and started heading for the door. I knew it was a shit move and mom would be upset. I knew she would want to see me all dressed up and get pictures. But Mike was more important right now. 

“Will honey? Where are you going?” She grabbed my arm as I was walking by. I didn’t even know she was in the kitchen. I have to admit, I had tunnel vision.

“He hasn't left his room, mom. I have to get him out. He can’t just sit in there forever.” There was a mix of anger and exasperation in my voice that wasn’t fully intended, but still managed to slip out. She gave me a knowing look and was starting to tear up a bit. “I really care about him. He’s my best friend. I can’t just sit here and watch him go through that.”

She pulled me into a hug and stood up on her toes to give me a forehead kiss. “I know you care honey. You always have. You don’t have it in you not to care.”

“I know how it feels to be unknowingly killing yourself over time. I have to help him before he actually does.” My words were quiet and I was ashamed to admit it to her, but it was the truth. I had to bite back the tears that were bubbling up. She couldn’t quite do the same. She squeezed me tighter before letting me go altogether.

“Have Karen take some pictures for me. And have fun sweetie! Are you staying at the Wheeler’s tonight?”

“Yes. And don’t worry, I promise I’m not drinking tonight. I’m driving.”

“Good, it’s Hops patrol night, so I’d know!” She shot me a wink as I was walking out the door. 

I will never understand how she is so strong. I can’t even imagine how much it has hurt her to put up with everything that has happened the past few years. And to just let me walk out the door like that? I could have never imagined the day. But then again, this was Mike we were talking about. She knew that she couldn’t do much to stop me.

I made it to the Wheeler’s house and was let in by a frantic, half-dressed Richie. He looked like he was about to pull his hair out. I quickly pulled him into a hug and whispered into his ear that everything would be alright.

“Richard! If you are going to open the door, please put on pants!” Ted yelled from his Lazy-Boy. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Richie on the other hand was way too stressed out to even comprehend what he said.

“Please, I’m about to lose it. I’ve tried everything. Do you have any kind of plan?”

“I have a worst case scenario plan. Other than that, I’m winging it.” Richie pushed his glasses up and rubbed his eyes between his fingers hard. “Please go put pants on, you dork. I’ll handle it.”

Richie grabbed the dress pants off the back of the dining chair where Karen was ironing. “Hi Will.” Her voice was soft and sad. She hoped just as much as we did that we could get Mike out of the house.

“Hi.” I added in a small wave before running up the stairs. We didn’t exactly have time to waste. Especially since I wasn’t dressed yet. 

I didn’t even bother knocking. It wasn’t like I would get permission to come in anyways. Like expected, he was laying in bed, cocooned in his blanket that quite literally reeked of teenage boy. The first thing I did was turn on the light and open the curtains. It wasn’t taken very well. He hissed and squirted his eyes before throwing the blanket over his head. I kneaded the palms of my hands against my face. Shit. Here goes nothing. I walked over to his bed, got a tight grip on his comforter, and yanked as hard as I could. He unrolled from his little cocoon, landing ass first in the floor. It was the first time I noticed he was only in his underwear and a tank top. The only thing I got in return was a death stare. 

“Stand up.” I knew I had to be forceful, but it hurt me so much to treat him this way. I could actually see some fear in his eyes. He followed my directions, crossing his arms immediately. He almost looked mean. It’s a side of Mike I’ve never seen before. “Walk downstairs and get your clothes. Your mom ironed them for you.”

“I’m not going so you can stop your little act.” His voice was strained from not using it for several days.

“It’s not an act. And you are going. You are leaving this room. You either walk out on your own or I carry you.” The thought of actually having to carry Mike scared me. He weighed next to nothing, but his long mangly limbs would be impossible to fight against.

“What’s the point?” He scoffed.

“Be more specific. Are we talking about you leaving the house or living? Because quite frankly, they are the same thing at this point. I’m not going to sit here and watch you do this to yourself.”

“Then leave so you don’t have to watch.” He started walking back to sit on the bed. Surrendering even though he knew he wouldn’t get his comforter back anytime soon.

I walked over and squatted in front of where he was sitting. “Look Mike, I really didn’t want to have to do this.” I huffed, unzipping my duffle bag I packed for the night. “But if you go tonight, I’ll give it to you.” I held up a small silver flask. Don’t get me wrong, I needed him to stop drinking. But if this gets him out of the room, then it's a win in my book for today. Baby steps.

“Are you trying to bribe me?” He asks in a sarcastic tone, seeming to be quite appalled. But I knew Mike better than this.

“Is it working?” He glared at me for several seconds, contemplating his next move.

“Let me take a swig of it and then I’ll decide.” He rolled his eyes. Though, honestly, getting this much conversation out of him is a real improvement.

“I’m not afraid to tackle you if this is a trick.” I said jokingly, though I was being completely serious. He wasn’t getting free alcohol out of me.

“No trust Byers. I’m hurt.” Though his tone didn’t even seem to be affected. After a long sip that warranted no change in his facial expression, he finally spoke. “Huh, vodka.” He seemed to actually be contemplating it. “Fine.”

It’s the only thing I needed.

Mike put on the dress pants and button up, but refused the jacket. No tie. And he wouldn’t even button up all of the buttons. But he was up and he agreed to go. He snuck the flask in one of his pockets and I could see a piece of paper just barely peeking out of the other. I took a deep breath and made a mental note to not let him pull that out after he gets too tipsy. I wish he would just leave it here, but I’m not about to do anything to make him change his mind.

I quickly got ready and then came back downstairs. Richie was there waiting for me with the biggest smile on his face. For the first time all night, I actually got to admire how handsome he looks. For someone who wears exclusively Hawaiian shirts, this was definitely a change. “You’re amazing, you know that? How can you look this good after actually getting Mike to cooperate.” I could help but smile. He leaned in for a soft kiss, which Karen just so happened to be ready for with her camera. We looked up at her and smiled after noticing the flash and were caught in another.

“You two look great!” She accompanied this with a stiff smile. I know it was directed at the person who I just noticed was missing in the room.

“Where’s Mike? Don’t tell me I did all of that for nothing.” I asked a bit worried.

Richie grabbed my hand as we started to walk towards the door. “He’s already in the car. You know how he is about getting his picture taken. It was kind of a stipulation. No pictures or he’s not going. We didn’t argue.” When we walked out the door, I saw Mike sitting in the backseat taking a swig out of the flask before he realized we walked out the door. He quickly tried to hide it back in his pocket and I prayed that Richie hadn’t seen it. If he did, he never mentioned it.

When we pulled into the school parking lot, Mike jumped out of the suffocatingly tense car without a second thought. He left us behind in a quick shuffle to the door. Though it didn’t take us much time to catch up to him. He had opened the gymnasium doors and froze the moment everyone’s eyes landed on him. It was the first time anyone from the school had seen him in weeks. 

Everyone in school knew about Troy and it’s all they have been talking about since. And of course they all remembered the spectacle from lunch. So when Mike hadn’t shown up, the horrible rumors that were spreading were hard to listen to. Maybe he tried to kill himself too. Awe, Wheeler can’t live without his little boyfriend. Maybe Wheeler did it. It was sickening and I felt like a puppy with its head between its tail any time I was around anyone trying to start shit. Richie, on the other hand, was damn near close to getting suspended for the amount of fights he almost started with anyone trying to shit talk Mike. I was getting worried. Everything was getting out of hand.

Richie walked up behind him and grabbed both of his shoulders. I didn’t miss how he jumped a little like he was finally broken from his trance. “They are just staring cause you look like shit. Come on, we have to actually step foot in the building to attend prom.” He pushed him forward before Mike dug his heels into the ground.

“No, they are staring at me because Troy is dead and this is the first time they’ve seen me since.” Mike huffed. I could see his eyes turning glossy.

“Fuck them Mike. Seriously, their opinions don’t matter. It’s your junior prom and we are going to have fun.” I said, wrapping his arm in mine. Richie and I both walked him into the gym and found the table where the rest of the Party were already sitting.

“Mike! You’re here!” Dustin screamed. Before we could stop him, he had Mike pulled into a deathly tight hug that was later joined by Lucas.

“Sadly.” Mike coughed. His angsty expressions were always common, but by the looks of it, they were all we were going to get out of him tonight.

El reached down and grabbed his hand out of the pocket his letter was hiding in. She gently pulled it away looking up at him the entire time. His expression softened. “Let’s go talk, okay?” El was always a good listener. They seemed to be in a much better place now than they were several months ago. Yes, we all still hung out as a Party, but Mike tried avoiding her like the plague for the most part. Seeing them tonight, leaving to go talk in the hallway together was touching though. I know it didn’t mean anything. But for the first time I saw my sister and best friend interacting like friends. I was proud of her for how strong she was. I know she still loves him and I know just how hard it is on her. I wore those shoes for so many years.

Just after those two left, the DJ started a slow song. One after one, I noticed our friends making their way to the dance floor. Max and Lucas. Dustin and Suzie. I took a gulp. Don’t think about it Will. You know you can’t. Then I saw Richie’s hand stretched out to me. “May I have this dance, my love?”

“Richie.” My voice was soft and could barely be heard over the speakers. “You know we can’t.”

“Why the hell not? The entire school already knows about us. Plus, quite frankly, I don’t give a shit what they have to say. They are clearly just going to run their mouths anyways. I want to dance with my boyfriend at my prom and so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” He grabbed my arm and tugged me out of my seat. Every bit of worry washed away when the entire Party started giving us smiles and thumbs up. I could feel all of the stares coming our way, but I tried not to focus on them. I just looked into Richie’s eyes. That alone gave me strength.

The night continued on, song after song. None of us left the dance floor. We were going to make the most of the night. It really seemed like the first time in a while that we were able to relax and have some fun. El joined us at some point. Mike stayed sitting at the table, sneaking sips the entire night. After a while, the DJ called that there would be one last dance. Richie gave me a look that I couldn’t quite read and then glanced towards Mike. “He needs it.” My eyebrows shot up and a chill went down my spine at his words. Was he really telling me I should dance with Mike? What the hell?

The song started and Richie nudged me in his direction, following closely behind me. I stuck out a shaking hand towards Mike. “Dance with me?” Mike looked up with a very confused expression and slowly stood from his seat. How did Richie know he would actually say yes? Richie patted him on the shoulder and stuck his hand in Mike’s pocket to retrieve the flask. He laugh a little and rolled his eyes before taking over Mike’s chair.

Our movements were slow and this time I was hyper aware of all the eyes on us. It made my skin crawl. I could feel Mike shaking beneath my hands. I just gripped at his hips harder, trying to get him to calm down. He let out a light gasp and his eyebrows shot up. “How are you doing?” I asked quietly, barely above a whisper.

“I’m doing okay. Better than I have been.” His words were the slightest bit slurred.

“I’m sorry I was so harsh on you earlier. It just hurts me to see you hurting.” I offered a small smile and I could almost see what looked like a twinkle in his eyes.

“No, I’m sorry for being a self-pitying idiot. Thank you for making me come here tonight. I would have never forgiven myself if I didn’t.” And for the first time since Troy passed, I actually saw Mike smile.

“You have every right to be upset. To mourn. Why wouldn’t you have forgiven yourself though?” My breath caught in my throat, waiting for his reply.

“Well, for one, I wouldn’t have gotten to dance with my best friend,” he joked, “And for two, he wanted me to be here. He asked me to save him a dance.” Tears were rolling down his cheek and without thinking, I pulled him into a hug before noticing the song was over. The rest of the Party gathered around us and joined in on the hug. I knew he was grieving and would be for a very long time, but I saw a sliver of hope tonight that eventually he will get past this.

Together, we’ll get past this.

We walked through the door at the party and Mike made a b-line for the kitchen. Richie just groaned and I grabbed his hand. “Just let him tonight. Okay? He’s out of the room. He’s living life. I guarantee it’s a lot on him right now.” He leaned over and gave me a kiss in my hairline.

“Well if I’m going to have to deal with blackout Mike tonight, I need a drink.” He laughed, but I could see all of the stress behind his eyes. He’s been trying so hard with Mike. He’s kind of forgotten to care about himself for how much he’s been caring for him. I know he loves him, but he might need to reel back some. I can’t lose both of them to that headspace. Richie is supposed to be the strong one.

“Will! Come play beer pong! I need you on my team before Richie comes back and y’all team up against us again.” Dustin yelled right into my ear. He was already tipsy and draping himself over my shoulders. I stuck my hand up to push his face away.

“I’m not drinking tonight.” I replied as soon as I pried him off of me.

“You’re no fun Byers! Hey, at least I won’t catch you in the bathroom again.”

“For one, I’m driving tonight, dipshit. And for two, I don’t have to be drunk to have sex with my boyfriend.”

“William Byers!” Max shouts from across the room.  I rolled my eyes and joined the rest of the group around the table. 

After a little while, Richie joined us with a very strong smelling cup. He wrapped his hand around my waist from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Not too much of that. It reeks of alcohol.”

“Maybe cause that’s what is is Willie.” Richie laughed into my ear. Thankfully on the opposite side of the one Dustin yelled in earlier.

“I mean don’t get too drunk. I can’t carry you both home.” I laughed and Richie squeezed my waist harder before joining in on the game. 

After a while of watching Richie win and Dustin curse out each of his losses, I needed to get some air. “Hey, I’ll be back. I’m going to find the bathroom.” I also needed to check on Mike. He never joined the group after he left our side.

I made it upstairs and the hallway was empty. Maybe we weren’t supposed to actually be up here. I never saw Mike on my trip up. I quickly went in and did my business. Afterwards I just stood against the door taking a deep breath. Babysitting was fucking tiring. Especially when it’s Mike and Richie. I opened up the bathroom door and found Mike sitting on the floor against the wall. “Oh, I didn’t know you were up here Mike.” He was clearly out of it, but scrambled to his feet the moment he saw me.

“I saw you walk up here and I wanted to make sure you were okay. You looked tense.” He took a step closer to me.

“Mike, you’re very drunk right now. I don’t think you can read emotions very accurately right now.” I laughed. But he could, couldn’t he? I was tense. I was coming up here to escape. I was hoping to find him and make sure he was okay. He followed me?

Seeing the emotions running a mile a minute over my face, Mike quickly surged forward pressing his lips against mine. It was gentle, but very sloppy due to his drunken state. It took me a few seconds to even realize what was happening, before I pushed him away by the shoulders. Hard. “What the hell Mike! You know I’m with Richie!”

“Yeah, I know. And I hate it.” Mike spits, staying uncomfortably close to me. “I hate it because you chose him and not me.”

“Mike. You are drunk. Stop.” I was trying to be forceful. I wanted him to know that I didn’t want— couldn’t do this. My voice cracked and betrayed me though. Hopefully he was too drunk to notice.

“Yeah I might be drunk, but that’s how I feel. Why the fuck do you think I acted that way in the bathroom that day? I was scared. So yeah, I might be drunk, but it’s the only way I’ll ever be able to admit it to you.” His eyes were starting to tear up, matching mine.

“That’s not fair Mike. You knew how I felt about you growing up. You knew. You can’t do this to me now that I’m happy with Richie. Don’t take that from me.” I was so angry. I was angry at him for kissing me. I was angry at him for admitting his feelings. I was angry at him for liking me all along. But most importantly, I was angry at myself for actually caring.

“Knew what? I didn’t know shit. What are you talking about?” He spit back. This was starting to sound like one of our fights we weren’t going to come back from for a really long time. My heart was beating out of my chest as he glared into my soul.

I took a deep breath and tears started rolling down my cheeks. “That I was in love with you! I was in love with you.”

“Will?” A tiny voice choked out, close to tears. I turned around to see Richie standing at the top of the stairs. His hand tucked into his pockets and he was biting his lips.

Shit.

Chapter Text

It's Harsh, But It's Not Wrong

Richie's POV

We were just about to start another game of beer pong when Will excused himself to go to the bathroom. I didn’t think much of it at the time. He has seemed to be a little distant today, but I just chalked it up as stress from dealing with Mike. We were all pretty tense because of it. Hell, I felt like I’m slipping. I’ve been spending so much time filling his grave he’s digging, that I didn’t realize I’ve been digging my own. I know it’s only been two weeks, but I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep us both afloat.

When Will didn’t come back after finishing up the game, I started to get a little worried. I’m not sure who’s house we are at and James could be anywhere. I really hoped nothing happened to him. He went upstairs right? Okay, maybe Will is right. I should probably cut down on the alcohol so he doesn’t have to drag me and Mike both out of here. I stumbled towards the stairs hoping to find him alone or talking to someone at least a little less dangerous than James. 

I noticed some yelling about halfway up the stairs, but I couldn’t quite make out who the voices belonged to over the music that was still blaring downstairs. It did seem that there was barely anyone on the second floor though. I made it to the top of the stairs and noticed it was just Mike and Will. I silently thanked god that it was just them, though I was a bit confused about what they were arguing about. But then I heard Will’s words as if I had been shot. “That I was in love with you! I was in love with you.” Everything seemed to freeze at that moment. I couldn’t hold back my tears that started to fall. The look of shock that painted Mike’s face said it all. It wasn’t a scary shock. It was an oh shit shock. One that made him happy and made me sick to my stomach. Why the hell wouldn’t Will love Mike. God, I’m so stupid. He was apparently attracted to me and we shared a face. But they had eleven years of friendship behind it. Fucking shit.

I don’t even know how I managed to get it to come out, but I pushed the tiniest “Will,” from the bottom of my throat. It felt pathetic. Shit, I haven't felt this bad since my last day in Derry. Will quickly spun around to face me and blush erupted over his face. He looked like he just got caught attempting murder. Slowly everything started breaking inside me more and more.

“Richie! I promise it’s not what it looks like.” Will can be convincing, but he can’t talk himself out of this shit. Mike literally let out a drunken laugh. What happened before I actually caught them? I mean my fucking brother? What the hell Will!

“No, fuck you and fuck this!” I turned heel and started running down the stairs. I had to get out of here. It felt like the walls were closing in and I was suffocating. I was both way too tipsy and sober at the same time to deal with any of this.

I could barely hear Will shouting at me over the speakers blasting music. “Please Richie stop!” People around the party were turning their heads in our direction. Is he really about to make this shit public? Can it get any fucking worse? This is a fucking embarrassment! I just want to be alone.

I made it out the front door before I responded, hoping to draw the least amount of attention possible. “No, I am not in the mood for this shit right now.” I was across the yard and grabbing on Will’s car door handle before I noticed his hand on my arm tugging me around. “What the actual fuck Will. Do not touch me! I might be pissed at you, but don’t ever lay a hand on me.” Will backed away like a scared animal. He looked like he wanted to crawl into himself.

“Richie, please. I can explain.” Tears were running down his cheeks and it was so hard for me to not reach out and wipe them away. Fuck. He just hurt you Richie .

I took a loud, deep breath. Exaggerating my frustration. He deserved to give an explanation. I’ll give him that. “Then you better get to it because I honestly don’t know what to say to you right now.”

“Wh-what all of that did you see?” I swung my arm behind me, punching the side of Will’s car. He jumped back a little farther at that, thinking he could possibly next. I am about to flip my shit right now. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled it hard trying to squeeze out the last of my tears.

“Will, this is unbelievable. Yeah, you just want me to tell you what I saw so you don’t have to explain what I didn’t, right? Fuck you!” I was starting to hyperventilate. 

“Look at me, Richie.” He said, gently putting his hands on both of my shoulders to ground me. I wanted so bad to push him away, but it was honestly helping. “I’m going to explain everything. I promise. I just need you to tell me what you saw just so I can get an idea of where you think the situation was going.”

“So you mean there’s more to it than you confessing your love for my fucking brother?” I huffed out between unsteady breaths I was barely managing to catch.

Will took a deep sigh and started rubbing his hands up and down my arms. Fuck me. Why is this actually calming me down? I’m supposed to be mad at him! In a much calmer voice, he started to explain. “Nothing ever happened between us before. I promise. I couldn’t let myself. He was straight, or so I thought at the time I had feelings for him. I sat on it and hid the pain of seeing him with El. Seeing him with my sister. But nothing ever happened and I made sure of it.”

“Wh-what do you m-mean before? What was your little talk about?” 

“Richie, he’s drunk off his ass right now. He kissed me. And before you say anything, let me emphasize I didn’t kiss him back. I pushed him away the moment I realized what was happening. I told him no because I’m with you. He said he didn’t care and was only able to admit how he feels because he’s drunk. That’s when I told him that’s not fair to me. It’s not fair for him to wait until I’m happy with you. I was in love with him growing up. He missed his chance though because I love you.”

“But you loved him first.” I sniffed. My anger was turning into tears now.

“And I love you now.”

I stood there and thought about his words for a really long time. I knew the question I wanted to ask was going to hurt me to get an actual answer for. But I just had to know. “When did you stop loving him?”

“What?” He seemed more caught off guard than actually confused. 

I sunk into myself and choked out a better explanation. “You said that you were in love with him, but you are in love with me now. When did you realize you weren’t in love with him anymore?”

“The first night I met you.” He whispered, slowly getting closer.

“That’s bullshit, Will.”

I saw a silent tear escape down his cheek. This time I wiped it away and he looked up at me with glossy eyes. “Not after the first kiss in the bathroom. But after our first real kiss in your room. I knew at that moment, I was meant to be with you.”

“But Will, we literally have the same face. It fucking hurts. Did you only get with me because I’m gay and look just enough like him to give you what you want?”

“Don’t even fucking go there! It’s so hypocritical. You tried to kiss Eddie the same day you kissed me in that bathroom so don’t try to blame me for having feelings for Mike up until the moment we kissed.” He stopped to take a deep breath, letting his anger diminish. “Richie, I don’t know how I can stress this to you enough. Yes, you are both very attractive. I know that might hurt you for me to say, but you are identical. I can’t say you are attractive without him being attractive too. You would never believe me because of course that can’t be true. But it’s not about the way you look. It’s not. It’s about the way you make me feel. You’ve made me feel like I mean something to the world, Rich. Like I can actually be loved. You’ve stood by my side from the moment you met me and I can’t love you enough for that. You taught me to love myself so that I could love you harder. You’ve made me into a better person who actually has something to live for. These things couldn’t have happened without you. You are the only person in my entire group of friends, and maybe just my life in general, that never stopped believing in me. Even Mike was an asshole to me for quite some time. It took me a long time to get over it. You can’t help who you’ve loved Richie, but I can promise that I love you more than anything in the world. I will choose you time and time again.”

My lips crashed into Will’s. It was rough and fast and nothing like we ever were with each other. I know he could taste the alcohol on my lips, but I didn’t care. I needed him now. All of him. 

I slowly opened the backdoor on Will’s car and his eyes lit up with what I was insinuating. “In public?” Will whispered. I laughed and started scooting myself backwards into the backseat. I held a finger up to my lips giving a little shhh sound before holding my arms out welcoming him in with me.

“I love you too, you know. I’m sorry for getting angry with you.” I said as he laid down against my chest.

“I deserved it. I should have been better with my words. Especially towards Mike. I don’t want him feeling led on at all. Especially in his drunken state.” I pulled him into a deep kiss. I slid my hands over his ass and he gasped just enough for me to move my tongue into his mouth.

“No more talking Mike. I want you.” I said in a low husky voice. He tried to flip us, but between the little space of the backseat and my death grip on his hips, he wasn’t going anywhere. He looked down at me with a confused look. I laughed a tiny bit and repeated. “I said I want you.” His eyes were the size of saucers staring down at me. I could tell he was shaking just a bit. “You’re going to do just fine, Will. Remember I haven’t done this part before either. Another first for us.”

“Why?” Is all he could manage to choke out and I could tell he was seconds away from a panic attack.

“Look. We don’t have to if you don’t want to. But, I’ve told you before that I would be fine either way. Plus you were pretty hot bossing Mike around today. I thought you could take the lead.”

He cheeks blushed. “I thought you said no more Mike.” He said giggling.

“Fine. You were hot when you grabbed my arm and tugged me around.”

“You yelled at me for that…” He was starting to scramble to get up and away thinking he did something wrong. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer.

“I’m sorry. I yelled at you for a lot of things because I was angry. And yes, I didn’t like you putting your hands on me in the middle of a fight, but I can’t say it wasn’t hot the way you did it. You put me in my place for a second there. No one has ever done that.”

“Did you bring anything with you?” He asked, contemplating the idea.

“Awe you mean we aren’t raw doggin’ and getting me pregnant on prom night? Bummer.” I joked, seeing a smile on his face. “Here.” I dug into the pocket of my jacket and pulled out a condom and lube. He grabbed it from my hand and shoved them into the pocket on the back of the seat before quickly moving forward to take my jacket off. He took me by surprise, pushing an eager kiss to my lips and started unbuttoning my shirt. I reached out and started unbuttoning his buttons to speed this along. I mean we were still in public. 

After we were both completely undressed, we just laid there and looked at each other for a minute. I newfound appreciation for one another took over us. It was our first big fight. We overcame it. “I love you.” He said softly.

“I love you too, Will.” I nodded at him and gave him a big toothy grin. He reached into the pocket on the seat and grabbed the bottle he stored in there earlier. 

After a few shaky, unsure minutes and multiple reassurances, he was working me with his fingers. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I can’t compare it to anything, but it seemed like the damn kid was a natural. He had me writhing around and stifling out moans before he even attempted a third finger. 

“Will.” I looked up at him. He seemed to be in his own little world, enjoying himself. “Will.” I let out with a heavy breath.

“Hmm?” He snapped back, looking down at me with lustful eyes.

“Your fingers feel great and all, heavenly even, but if you don’t do it now I’m not going to make it.” His cheeks blushed and he slowly pulled his fingers away, dishing the condoms out. I handed one to me to make sure we had no extra mess to clean up and grabbed on for himself.

“A-are you ready?” He asked, lining himself up. I could see so much fear in his eyes, but it mixed with lust and it all just made those hazel eyes shine brighter. I nodded eagerly and he slowly pushed in. Both of us stared at each other with wide eyes at the new feeling. It was so different, but so good at the same time.

Once he bottomed out, we both just stared at each other in awe. It felt ethereal. After a few minutes though, Will seemed to get some confidence and actually started to lead us. I didn’t think I could get more turned on, but he managed to do it just by that. Eventually, my hands were above my head, or as above my head as they could be for a six foot teenage boy in the back seat of the car. He had a tight grip in my hip that would most definitely leave bruises to match the hickies he left in very visible places on my neck. He was making a point. He wants me and everyone else to know that I’m his. And with that thought alone and his lips pressed against my neck, I let go. It was the best feeling ever. The best one yet if we were being completely honest.

I could feel Will’s lips turning into a smile, still pushed up against my neck as he followed just a few thrusts behind me. The moment he did, he collapsed against my chest, unused to doing most of the work.

After a few minutes of silence just laying together and playing with each other’s hair, I leaned up and kissed him on the forehead. “I can’t believe you just turned me into a bottom.”

“Fuck no Richie.” Will said laughing.

“Awe, but—”

“Nope, not happening. I’ll switch, but I am not topping every single time.”

“I know Byers,” I said ruffling his hair. “I’m just playing around. But god, that was amazing.”

“Shut up.” He gently pushed my face away, blushing incredibly hard. “Put your clothes on.”

“Oh, yes sir!” I couldn’t stop the laugh from coming out.

“Idiot,” he said, shaking his head and attempting to put his own clothes on.

“Does this mean we have to go find him and take him home now?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“It shouldn’t be too hard, honestly. He’s probably already passed out somewhere.” We both got out of the car and started walking back to the house. No one seemed to notice when we slipped back through the front door, already forgetting the public show we put on earlier. 

“Nice shirt Will!” I could hear Dustin call from across the room. I gave him a weird look when I turned around and the entire Party started laughing.

Noticing Will and I didn’t get the memo, Max added, “Nice buttons Will!” I finally looked down and noticed that Will missed a button. I bit my lip to hide a laugh and flipped them off. “So I guess you aren’t fighting anymore?” She asked with a smirk. I just grabbed Will's shoulders and directed him through the house.

Mike was nowhere to be found in the middle of everyone else partying. Shit. Will and I exchanged looks before walking upstairs. The hallway was once again empty. I started opening doors. I was going to find him one way or another. This first bedroom seemed to belong to some teen boy. There was a drum kit in the corner and the decor seemed to lean more alternative. It was completely empty though to much surprise. The next door was the bathroom and with a quick check, I closed the door back. Then there was the master bedroom. Once again empty. If he wasn’t in this last room, I didn’t know what I was going to do.

When we opened the door, there was a boy sitting on the bed. He looked to have someone laying in his lap. Their backs were to us though. “Gareth?” Will questioned. His judgment was based completely on the hair.

The boy turned around quickly and cocked his head to the side. Okay, so not Gareth. “It’s Elijah.” He gave a soft smile. “I take it you’re looking for him? You must be Richie. And Will, I’m guessing?” We both nodded, very confused. “I’m Gareth’s little brother.”

“I didn’t know he had a brother.”

“He’s pretty protective of me.” He laughed a little bit and leaned his head to the side. I followed the movement to the corner of the room where he had a pride flag hanging.

Will and I both looked at each other and smiled. “How old are you?” Will asked. He had a sly smile on his face that I picked up on immediately. 

“I’m a sophomore, but I’m already sixteen.”

“Are you out?” Will seemed concerned for the poor kid.

“No, not publicly. It’s really only a few people that know. My family is supportive. Gareth is way too protective over me because of it. And Mike knows now too. It’s easier to tell people when I know how they will react.”

I wore a matching sly smile to Will’s now. “And how do you know Mike?”

Elijah sighed. “I know what you are both trying to get at. I met Mike at Hellfire. They were short a member when you two were gone hanging out together. My brother had me step in. But before you try to push it any farther, Mike needs time to mourn. He doesn’t need to immediately hop into another relationship. I’m his friend. If it turns into something more eventually, then so be it. But for now, this is all I am.”

“William, I think I might just like this one.” I said, nudging his shoulder. “You really don’t know how much that means, honestly. Thank you. We probably should go though.”

“Here, let me help you get him out. He’s had a rough night.” Elijah helped us get Mike down the stairs and out to the car. Mike was basically sleep walking at this point, beyond drunk. He buckled him in the backseat as Will and I got into the front. I rolled my window down to thank him again and say goodbye. Before he walked away, he handed me a piece of paper with his number on it. “For him obviously.” He smiled and let out a little huff of a laugh. “And feel free to call if you guys ever need anything.” He patted his hand on the window seal and walked back towards the house.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I leaned forward and asked Will.

“That Elijah is exactly what Mike needed tonight or maybe even just in general?”

“I mean that too. I just wasn’t going to be as specific. I was just going to say, I think everything is going to turn out okay.”

“You’re such a dork, you know that?” He laced his fingers in mine and put the car in drive to head back to the house.

Chapter Text

Put Back Together My Way

Mike's POV

The moment Will put the car in park, I had to get out of there. Everything was getting too overwhelming and the vodka was wearing off fast. I didn’t even get to drink it all. Richie fucking took it. Every single thing that has happened since I left my room had just been crushing in more and more and I was starting to suffocate. 

I didn’t even stop to wait for Richie and Will at the front door. I didn’t stop for the Party yelling my name. I needed one thing and one thing only. Alcohol. I wasn’t getting through this night without it. I had to stop the constant voices. Everyone was talking at once and no one was making sense. But I knew it was all in my head.

I grabbed a cup and filled it with some cheap, shitty beer from the keg and downed it all in one drink before refilling it and moving on to mosey around the party. I tried to put on a face and pretend everything was okay, but I knew everyone could see right through it.

I walked to the back porch, looking to get some air. Eddie was set up for his normal gig with his little black box. He had Gareth beside him, but he acted like he didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Though he tried to enjoy the company nonetheless. I walked up to the boys and leaned up against the wall they were sitting beside. “Wheeler?” Eddie seemed more surprised than anything.

“In the flesh. Risen from the dead.” I inwardly cringed at the connotation of my words. But I chalked it up to continuing my conversation. If I played my cards right, I might be able to work some weed out of him.

“How are you doing man?” He asked while Gareth was staring holes through me, trying to read my motive.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” I raised my cup as if to toast my own presence.

“Wheeler, you know what I mean. Just cut the shit. What do you want?”

“I know you said you wouldn’t sell to me again—” Gareth rolled his eyes at my attempt.

“Yeah and I meant that. Richie would kill me. Especially now.”

“You’re telling me you sold to him before?” Gareth asks, smacking Eddie’s arm. “He’s like twelve.”

“I’m seventeen you dick.” I huffed and turned to Eddie. “Eddie please. The last time I went to a party was with him . I just want weed okay. Nothing major.”

“Look kid, Richie told me I’m not even able to buy you alcohol anymore. Quite honestly, I’m surprised he let you come here and drink.”

“Are you really scared of Richie? Plus, if you won’t let me buy from you, I’ll find someone else here.” I didn’t know if there really was anyone else here that sold, but the idea sounded good in my tipsy head. I knew he wouldn’t want me to get any shit from someone who wasn’t safe.

“I really hate you Wheeler.” Eddie sighed as he was digging for his smallest bag in his box. “This is all you are getting. Don’t even try to get more from me or anyone else.” I quickly grabbed the back out of his hand and handed him over the money. As I was walking away, I blew him a kiss and wink. He rolled his eyes in return and flipped me off before stressfully running his fingers through his long curly hair. “You’re killing me kid.”

I found a little spot around the side of the house where no one managed to get in the way. A place where I could just be alone with my thoughts. I pulled out the lighter I hid in my back pocket earlier today and lit the blunt. “This last one is for you T,” I whispered before taking a long drag. It didn’t take long before my mind was starting to get hazy. The mix of the weed and alcohol was definitely working in my favor.

My mind drifted off to the events of tonight. I remembered walking into the gym and seeing everyones’ eyes staring directly at me like they saw a ghost. To them, I probably was one at this point. But the Party was excited to see me for the first time in a while. That’s when El pulled me away. I was being a self-deprecating asshole like normal. She grabbed the hand that was holding onto Troy’s letter. I was using it for strength, but to everyone else it probably seemed like it was holding me back. I let her take my hand away from my lifeline though. She looked at me with the softest eyes. A look I hadn’t seen since before we broke up. We honestly haven’t been close enough for her to even look at me like that since we broke up. “Let’s go talk, okay?” It was quite honestly the last thing I possibly wanted to do. I mean talking to your ex after your boyfriend just died seems like dangerous territory. But then again, this is El. I silently nodded and we walked out into the hall and down to an open classroom.

Once inside, she closed the door until it was barely cracked open and jumped up to sit on top of one of the desks. I joined in beside her. “What did you—”

“How are you doing Mike?” We asked at the same time. I glared at her. Does she not know I don’t want to talk about this?

“Fine.” I stated fast and abruptly. I jumped off the table and started walking to the door, feeling completely done with the conversation. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“I’m sorry Mike. Please stay. I won’t talk about it. I actually have something important to ask you.” I huffed and turned back to look at her, though I didn’t return to my spot on the desk. She took this as permission to continue. “How did you know? How do you know?”

“What are you talking about El?” I was so tired. I couldn’t even imagine where this was going.

“Boys. How did you know you liked boys?” It took me by surprise. I had never really thought about what I would say to El. I didn’t get to come out to my friends. They all just found out that day at school. It wasn’t something I got to explain or break the news lightly about. It was forceful and ugly and taken from me. But to El, who wasn’t raised to understand sexuality, it's different. I mean, she knows Will is gay. Wait…

“Are you asking me because I like boys or because you are worried about if I actually had feelings for you? Because honestly, if it's just a question as to how you know, why didn’t you ask Will?”

“I can’t ask Will. He’s never dated both before. Only Richie.” My heart sunk at her words. My Will has only ever dated Richie. It should be me instead.

“And you want to ask me because I’ve dated both boys and girls?”

“Yes!” She said proudly.

“Well first, I do think that both boys and girls are attractive. But as far as knowing that I liked boys too, I just noticed that I had feelings that felt stronger than friends. Stronger than best friends even. It’s like the label never fully covered how I felt for Wi— shit.” El’s eyes were huge and she didn’t move an inch. We just sat there staring at each other for several minutes.

“So it’s like you are friends but want to be more?” She tried to ignore that name of the person I had just admitted feelings for, but I could see her demeanor was crushed just a little bit. Her knowing my feelings for her brother changed everything between us.

“When we were together, you wanted to spend all of your time with me right? And you wanted to kiss me right? Well it’s the same feeling except with a guy.” I tried my hardest to reason with her, but I wanted nothing more than to just crawl back into my bed right now.

“So if boys can like boys, can girls like girls?” We both froze again. The tiniest smile crept on my face as the realization hit. She was wanting to know for her own benefit.

“Absolutely El. Do you think you have feelings for a girl?” She nodded fast, not seeming to be as scared about the topic as I was. 

“What is it called when you like both?” I chuckled a bit.

“It’s called bisexual. If that’s you, then great. If it doesn’t feel right, there are many other sexualities. It’s about what feels right to you. And just because we dated in the past doesn’t mean you like boys. We were just kids in the beginning.”

“But what if they are already dating someone?”

I took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears. “If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If not, there’s always other people out there.”

“It’s Max.” She smiles brightly. I pulled her into a big hug and we stayed like that for several minutes, taking in the moment. 

I took a long drink, nearly emptying my cup. “If it’s meant to be, it will happen.” I said to myself. But it did happen right? He asked me to dance with him tonight. He walked up to where I was sitting at the table. I didn't dance at all that night. But something made him decide to ask me. Dancing with him is something I had dreamed of since the snowball dance and it finally happened. Will wanted to dance with me. 

Everything moved in slow motion. Nothing else mattered besides Will’s eyes on mine. My entire body was shaking from nerves. This was actually happening. I couldn’t be dreaming right? That’s when he clenched his hands around my waist even harder than before. I felt a jolt go through my entire body and my eyebrows shot up, staring directly at him.

“How are you doing?” He asked quietly, barely above a whisper. Will is the only one I feel comfortable enough to answer the question with.

“I’m doing okay. Better than I have been.” All of my nerves were completely shot.

“I’m sorry I was so harsh on you earlier. It just hurts me to see you hurting.” He smiled softly at me and I couldn’t help but fall even more for the boy who was currently holding me. I wanted so badly for this to mean something. It had to mean something right?

“No, I’m sorry for being a self-pitying idiot. Thank you for making me come here tonight. I would have never forgiven myself if I didn’t.”

“You have every right to be upset. To mourn. Why wouldn’t you have forgiven yourself though?” I could hear Will’s breath catch.

“Well, for one, I wouldn’t have gotten to dance with my best friend,” I joked, trying to be the slightest bit flirty. “And for two, he wanted me to be here. He asked me to save him a dance.” Tears were rolling down my cheeks now. Will pulled me into a hug before noticing the song was over. The rest of the Party gathered around us and joined in on the hug.

I turned the cup up and downed the last little bit of beer that was left and stood up to start heading back inside so I could get a refill. When I finally got to my feet, I noticed Troy’s letter had fallen out of my pocket and was laying in the grass. I picked it up and opened it to read it again. 

You were the only good thing I had left in life. But sometimes, one good thing just isn’t enough. I couldn’t ask you to take me in. Not with Richie there. I know how much he hates me. Rightfully so. And then there’s Will. I knew I hurt him in so many ways. But most of all, I knew how much you would rather be with him than me. Just as he was your first choice, you were mine. I got exactly what I wanted, but you were dealt the short end of the stick. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t ask you to choose between the two of us. I know I couldn’t ask because I already knew your answer. It will always be him.

It will always be him. It will always be Will. Even Troy knew it. Fuck! I’m such a fucking idiot. I can’t believe Troy is gone. I can’t believe that this letter and his box of things are the only things I have left of him. But, it never should have been him, should it? I should have been with Will this whole time. We are meant to be soulmates. Tears were falling down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and started walking back towards the backdoor. 

I made it back to the kitchen and filled my cup back up, once again downing the entire cup in one drink before I threw it in the trash. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Will walking upstairs. I quietly watched around the room to make sure no one was looking. Luckily it looked like upstairs were the least of anyone’s worries. I silently snuck up the stairs and sat across from the door where the light shined through. There really isn’t anyone else up here is there?

Will opened up the bathroom door and looked down at where I was sitting on the floor. “Oh, I didn’t know you were up here Mike.” I scrambled to my feet the moment he saw me.

“I saw you walk up here and I wanted to make sure you were okay. You looked tense.” I hadn’t seen anything unusual happen, but he seemed to be just a bit stressed out as he was walking up the stairs. I really hoped nothing had happened to upset him. I took a step closer to him.

“Mike, you’re very drunk right now. I don’t think you can read emotions very accurately right now.” He laughed uncomfortably, trying to dismiss my care for his well being.

The mix between the alcohol, weed, and my feelings for Will provide just the right amount of courage for me to not care what the outcome is. Hopefully, it will go in my favor. I quickly surged forward pressing my lips against his. I tried my hardest to make sure it was gentle. It needed to be perfect. But it was quite obvious that it was very sloppy due to being both high and drunk. He just stood there with my lips against his for a few seconds, not moving or reciprocating. Then out of nowhere, he pushed me away by the shoulders. I tried my hardest not to topple over, but that proved to be very difficult. “What the hell Mike! You know I’m with Richie!”

“Yeah, I know. And I hate it.” I spit, moving closer to him. “I hate it because you chose him and not me.” The rejection fueled my anger. He wasn’t supposed to reject me. We had a moment earlier. It was supposed to be meant to be.

“Mike. You are drunk. Stop.” His voice cracked just the slightest bit as he tried to be forceful with his words.

“Yeah I might be drunk, but that’s how I feel. Why the fuck do you think I acted that way in the bathroom that day? I was scared. So yeah, I might be drunk, but it’s the only way I’ll ever be able to admit it to you.” We were both tearing up. I knew if I didn’t admit everything now, I would never be able to. I hoped that the more he knew, the more likely he would be to accept my feelings for him

“That’s not fair Mike. You knew how I felt about you growing up. You knew. You can’t do this to me now that I’m happy with Richie. Don’t take that from me.” He seemed so angry with me.

“Knew what? I didn’t know shit. What are you talking about?” What the hell was he even talking about? Will was never interested in dating when we were growing up. Richie is the first person he ever showed interest in.

He took a deep breath as more tears rolled down his cheeks. “That I was in love with you! I was in love with you.” What the fuck? Did he just actually admit his feelings for me? Why would he turn me away if we both have feelings for each other? It doesn’t make sense. It’s just not fair.

“Will?” The voice that said it seemed so small, but when I turned to look, it was Richie. There’s no way that’s really him.

“Richie! I promise it’s not what it looks like.” Will was trying his best to explain his way out of this one. I couldn’t help but let out a laugh and Will’s struggle to make it seem like nothing was really going on.

“No, fuck you and fuck this!”  Richie turned away and started running down the stairs. Will followed closely after him, yelling his name. I was just left alone. They didn’t fucking care about me. How could he just confess his feelings and then run away from me with Richie?

I quickly grabbed the handle of the door I was sitting in front of. I slung it open and slammed it back behind me. The moment my back hit the door, I slid down into the floor and tears were falling faster than they ever had. My cries were getting loud and I was so glad that no one from the party was upstairs to hear it. I rested my head in my hands and just let it all out.

A soft whisper was right beside my ear after a few minutes. “Hey Mike, I don’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?” My head quickly snaps up and I am met with the brown eyes of the boy I sat across from so many months ago.

“Elijah?” It’s all I could manage to say in my state of shock. Though the tears had stopped flowing, my cheeks still glistened. He wiped them away when the sleeves of his sweatshirt. Sweatshirt? “Why aren’t you dressed up?”

“I’m only a sophomore. I didn’t go to prom.” He said quietly, still trying not to overwhelm me. He sat down in the floor in front of me.

“Why are you at the party then?”

“I live here.” He wore a big smile and I started to think it all over. How did I not notice this was Gareth’s house? I mean I was a bit preoccupied but still. This gave me the chance to look around what I was assuming was his room since he was in here. He had a full sized bed dressed completely in black bedding. His walls were covered with movie and band posters. He had a record players and crates upon crates of records. And then in the corner hung a pride flag. I quickly snapped my eyes back in his direction and he slowly nodded, already knowing what my question was going to be. “I know how scary it must have been for you, at school. I can’t imagine having to go through all of that. James really is a dick.”

“You seen all of that?” I cringed thinking about how humiliating that day was.

“Sadly… I wish I could have done more, but Gareth tries his best to keep me safe.”

“He’s a good brother for that. So are you out to your family?”

“Yes. I have been for just over a year now.” There was a beat of silence as we tried to work out the awkwardness. Though we were strangers, this was the most we had ever talked before. “Here, let’s get you off the floor.” He said, interrupting the silence and quickly jumping to his feet. He stuck a hand out and helped pull me up.

We sat across from each other on his bed. “Oh and to answer your question, no. I majorly fucked up today and I don’t know if I can come back from this one.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, shyly.

I sat there trying to gauge his emotions for a long time before continuing. I talked to him about Troy and not leaving my room for weeks. I talked to him about prom tonight and how it made me feel. I talked to him about everything that happened with Will and Richie. Somehow, I found myself crying again in the middle of it all. He hugged me through the tears. His hand steadily combed through my hair in comfort. Over time, I found myself falling further and further into his hug until I was laying in his lap and barely able to keep my eyes open. 

For the first time, someone actually listened to me and my problems. He didn’t try to pry, or interrupt, or even tell me what I should be thinking. He let me tell my story the way I felt like telling it. He comforted me through it all and offered words of encouragement. But most of all, he let me know that it was going to be okay eventually. 

“I’m here for you now, Mike. Always.” Was the last words I heard before I fully drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Tug of War

Will's POV

Waking up to an empty bed is never something you would hope for. And a part of me wishes that I didn’t. A part of me wishes that Richie was still here and would pull me in tighter in his arms. That he would kiss my forehead and rub my back. That he would comfort me and tell me everything was okay. But it seems that his own thoughts are eating him alive just as much as mine are. So instead, I assume he’s downstairs and I’m left in his room. Their room. Mike still laid in his bed just across the room. And all air seems to go thin. Every thought rushing over me like a tidal wave. Though I didn’t drink last night, I’ve never felt more sobered by my thoughts.

Another part of me is glad I was alone. I quickly grabbed the clothes out of my duffle bag I packed and I practically ran to the bathroom. I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I needed to be able to think everything through without any distractions. I needed a clear mind with neither boy tugging my arm in one direction or the other.

I turned on the shower and took one good look at myself in the mirror. It was the first time I have been able to do that in months. Maybe even years. But I needed clarity. I needed to understand what both of these boys that I love so much see in me. My board straight hair hung stringly. My eyes were sunken and bags hung underneath them. I looked tired and beaten. I looked anything but loveable. I tore my eyes away, unable to spend any more time looking at the broken image of myself that I knew was more than likely just a figment of my imagination. I slowly took off my pajamas and climbed into the shower before settling myself on the tub floor. I didn’t really care about the shower. I just needed to thinking space to disassociate on my own.

Richie and I have been together for seven months now. Seven long months of him helping to build and shape me as a person. He’s helped me to love myself. He’s helped me to realize that I matter. He’s helped me to realize I’m loved. I love him so much. Until last night, we had never fought. There’s nothing I can even begin to complain about. Everything is just perfect.

But then there’s Mike. He’s been my best friend since we were five. He was my first and only friend for several years. He had the courage to choose me. And though it’s not always been perfect, he’s still my best friend. But he’s also the first person I ever loved that wasn’t family. He was my sexual awakening. He made me realize I like boys. I like Michael Wheeler. I love him. And now, to know he loves me? What am I even supposed to do with that?

It’s easy to lie in the moment, but it’s hard to lie to myself because I know my subconscious will just fight me on it. It’s not that I loved Mike, it’s that I love Mike. But I feel horrible because I also love Richie. I love them equally. 

Fuck, stop this. Just fucking no. Don’t ruin it, Will. What you have with Richie is so good right now. It’s been so good from the beginning. Hell, you just had sex after you spilled your heart out about how much you loved him and how you didn’t love Mike anymore. You can learn to not love Mike. It’s not fair to love them both. To you or them.

There was a loud bang on the bathroom door that shocked me out of that headspace. “Will, are you okay?” It was Richie and he seemed to be worried. I never went downstairs to check on him. I didn’t have time. I knew I had to think. But now I felt bad because he was probably waiting on me. 

Fuck, I keep messing everything up. I’m making up my mind right now. I’m choosing to stop loving Mike. I have Richie and that’s all I need. It’s time to let go and turn over a new leaf. It’s time to let go of the past and my strings that bind me to it. It’s time to cut the very last one. “Yeah, I just wasn’t feeling great and thought a shower would help.”

“Can I come in?” His voice sounded so gentle. It almost felt like there was a real barrier between us rather than just the bathroom door. I quickly tried to stand up to make it seem like I wasn’t just sitting in the shower. In the process I knocked over a couple of shampoo bottles and Richie came bursting through the door. “Will!”

“I’m fine! I accidentally hit the bottles.” I peaked my head around the curtain to look at him and his face was painted with concern. He smiled softly after seeing my dripping wet hair and began taking his own clothes off. Blush quickly rose over my face and my eyes widened.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stay in bed this morning. I needed to get some coffee and tylenol. I have a killer hangover. I can only imagine how horrible Mike is going to be to deal with today though.” I moved over to the side to let him in with me. The moment he’s fully under the water, he pulls me into a quick kiss. “Plus I needed some time to think.” He says just barely above a whisper.

“Me too.” I look at him longingly. His facial expression stiffened and I realized that wasn’t the best thing to tell him after his brother just kissed me. “We have to have a talk with Mike. About several things. Us. Troy. Elijah. He really needs our help right now.” With the realization that I wasn’t meaning what he thought, his face softened again. Though I would never tell him what I was really having to think about. It would break him.

“Yeah, I found Elijah’s number this morning when I woke up and threw my pants back on to go downstairs. It kind of worries me that we know nothing about him. Mike just immediately ran to his arms. It’s what he did with Troy and we both saw how that turned out. I need to keep him from getting hurt again.”

“But Elijah did say he doesn't think Mike is ready for a relationship now or anything soon. That has to mean something right? We didn’t see what went down. We can’t assume.”

“You’re right. We need to talk to him.” He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head. “How far along did you make it on your shower?” I looked up at him with guilty eyes. Richie let out a boisterous laugh and grabbed the shampoo bottle. He started washing my hair for me and I melted into his touch. After getting me rinsed, I returned the favor. Though he made it a bit more difficult for me as he was stealing kisses every few seconds.

“Richie, stop! I have to wash your hair.” I whined, laughing at his constant attempts. He pouted, sticking out his bottom lip. “We are not having shower sex with your entire family home. Forget about it.” I lightly shoved his shoulder and he started laughing. He wrapped his arms around my waist and just held me for several minutes, resting his head against my shoulder. Slowly his breathing steadied and he looked back into my eyes.

“We are going to get through this.” And a little piece of me broke knowing he still doesn’t fully believe me. The worst part of it all is he’s right, but I wish so bad for him to be wrong. I gently nodded in response. Luckily the water from the showerhead masked the tears that escaped down my cheeks.

“Let's get you rinsed.” I offered a soft smile and began rinsing out the shampoo from his hair.

By the time we were both dried off and dressed, Mike was awake and reading a comic in his bed. He actually seemed to be in somewhat of a good mood. “Hey dickwad. How’s the hangover?” Richie asked, throwing him the tylenol bottle. Mike threw down the comic after Richie hit it and glared. “I take that as not good.” He laughed.

“Fuck you Rich. Why’d you let me drink so much?” Mike groaned, rubbing his temples.

“Why did I let you? Michael, you left us last night at the door. I didn’t know where you ran off to. Plus, you are a big boy. You can handle yourself. Oh and I wish I would have been in on the little pregaming event.” Mike looked confused by the last statement. Richie was knocking my shoulder with a shit eating grin and I just rolled my eyes.

“Clearly not. My head is pounding. My throat is so dry. I feel like shit. And I can’t for the life of me remember anything.” Shit. This makes everything so much worse.

“What’s the last thing you remember Mike?” I just had to know. I had to prepare myself for the direction this conversation would take.

“Walking through the door at the party, though I was already kind of tipsy when I got there.” Me and Richie shared a scared look. This could get really ugly, really fast. But I wasn’t about to be the one to say it. I just couldn’t. I let Richie take the lead.

“Who’s Elijah?” Richie asked slowly. Oh shit, we are starting with the end of the night. Interesting move.

Mike’s face scrunched up with confusion. “Gareth’s little brother. Why?”

“How do you know him?” Richie’s entire body seemed to stiffen as he waited for the response.

“Oh, Gareth brought him to Hellfire to fill in for Will when you two were hanging out a few months ago.” Mike offered up, still slightly confused.

“So do you know him well? Are you two friends?” His questions were a little more aggressive this time.

“I mean, they drove me home that night and we waved at each other around school. But we haven’t really talked all that much. Gareth did his best to put a stop to that. He’s extremely protective of him for some reason.”

“Is it considered outing if he knew when he was drunk and I have to remind him in the morning?” Richie whispered in my ear. All I could offer was a shrug and Mike looked more confused than ever. “Mike, Elijah is gay. That’s why Gareth is so overprotective of him. And at the time, he thought you were extremely straight so he didn't want you to hurt Elijah.”

Mike’s face softened and he seemed to be searching for something internally. “Oh. OH. It all makes sense now. He was flirting when he complimented my nails.” Mike smiled the tiniest little smile that he was trying so hard to hide.

“Wait! Is Elijah the guy Dustin was making fun of you for a straight week about? When he was calling you goo goo eyes and stuff like that.” Mike slowly nodded, wrapping his arms around his knees and bringing them to his chest.

“I was apparently staring when he walked in and it was pretty obvious. All of the guys made fun of me for it. I kind of felt like shit though because I wasn’t out or even close to it. I had literally just started to accept myself and for everyone to throw it in my face hurt. Everyone acted like it was no big deal that it was a boy I was staring at, which should be a good thing. It shows that they are all accepting, but for someone with a freshly opened wound to their newfound sexuality, being obvious is not a good thing.” He let his head fall and his knees.

“So how did you end up falling asleep on his lap?” Mike’s head shot up so fast. His eyes prodded Richie for more explanation. 

“Shit, really? What the actual hell happened last night?” Mike sat up straighter, baring himself for it all. Richie looks over to me. I know it’s my thing to say. I have to be strong. I took a deep breath, trying to channel all of the energy I could to get through this.

“Nothing happened with Elijah. Or at least nothing like you are thinking. He said you just talked because you were pretty upset.”

“Troy?” 

I squeezed my eyes shut, took another deep breath, and swallowed hard. “Not fully…” Mike’s eyes were searching every emotion on our faces, trying to figure out what he could have possibly done. “You umm— you sort of. No, not sort of. You kissed me last night.” Richie grabbed my hand, noticing how much I was struggling.

“I— wait, what?”

“You got drunk and kissed Will, Mike.” Richie deadpanned. An unreadable expression crossed his face. “That’s the main reason we wanted to talk to you. That was not okay at all.”

“Did I—” He shook his head, trying to find the words to ask what he needed to know. “Did I give you a chance to say no?” I knew exactly what he was asking. I squeezed my eyes shut again and slowly shook my head no. Tears were starting to run down his cheeks now. “Will, I am so sorry. That was such a piece of shit thing to do. I don’t know where my head was at last night for me to do that, but I feel awful. I’m so sorry.” He got up from his spot on the bed, arms outstretched, attempting to hug me. Richie stood up quickly and pushed Mike back down to the bed. “What the hell dude?”

“You’re not touching my boyfriend.” He was spitting anger and I knew this was about to get really bad.

“He’s my best friend, Richie. I’m just trying to apologize.” His words were said between increasing sobs.

“You’re in love with my boyfriend and you kissed him against his will. You really are no better than Troy is.” Richie had his hand squishing each side of Mike’s jaw. Mike’s eyes went wide and it seemed like something dark went over him. He knew Richie was right.

“Richie, that was too far.” I pleaded, crying myself now too.

Richie spun on his heels to look directly at me. “No it fucking wasn’t! What’s the difference between the two Will? I mean they both kissed you without consent. Oh yeah, I guess it’s different when one was your bully and the other is your best friend who you apparently love.”

“We’ve been over this Rich. Loved, not love.” So many emotions ran over Mike’s face at once and that’s when I remembered that he didn’t remember my confession. This is all new to him.

I stood up from the bed and walked out the door. I couldn’t be here anymore. Not right now. I needed some space. “Will, please stop. I’m sorry!” Richie was chasing me down the stairs.

“I need to go Rich. I’ll see you tomorrow, but right now I’m hurt and need to be alone. You still won’t listen to me. When will you believe me?” 

“I’m sorry Will.” He was crying now too. “I love you.”

“I love you too. But please, just let me go. It’s been a long day. I just need some time. I will see you tomorrow.” And with that, I slipped out the door and headed towards my car.

The moment I sat down in the driver’s seat, I beat my hands on the steering wheel and just screamed until I was uncontrollably crying. Why is it all so difficult? Why can’t I just have one good thing for once in my fucking life? Why can’t I just be happy?

I ended up in front of Max’s trailer. I didn’t exactly have a plan, but it felt like a magnet pulling me in. God, I knew I couldn’t actually be alone. Richie knew I couldn’t be alone. That’s why he didn’t want me to leave. We all know what I do at a time like this when I’m alone. I’ve done so good for so long. I can’t do it again. I can’t be alone right now. I just need someone to talk to. Someone that’s not going to blab their mouth or look at me differently for what I have to say. I need Max more than anything right now. 

“Will? Is everything okay?” She asked the moment she opened the door. She was still in her pajamas and was holding her head, clearly very hungover.

“No,” I choked out. “I can’t be alone right now. I’m not okay.” I was standing there clenching my fists, trying to fight off all of my urges.

“Oh! Here come inside. Can I get you anything?” She asked, quickly grabbing my hand and forcing my fingers apart as she laced her own through them.

“I just need someone to stay with me.” I said letting out a deep breath that had been stuck in my chest.

“Do you want to talk about it? Is this about your fight with Richie last night?” She led me back to her room and she laid beside me, letting me cuddle into her side.

“Please don’t judge me Max.”

“Byers, I would never judge you, okay. No matter what.” She was looking down directly at me and squeezed me tighter to affirm it.

So I sat off to explaining everything, the kiss, the confession, Richie overhearing it, fighting with Richie, sex with Richie, waking up alone, my thoughts, our talk with Mike, Richie not fully believing me, everything. 

“So let me get this straight… Michael Wheeler, the boy you’ve been obsessed with for years, actually kissed you?” I nodded. “But you didn’t kiss him back and you used past tense even in your confession?”

“Yes Max,” I huffed.

“I know you are worried because you like them both, but have you ever thought that maybe you don’t love Mike anymore? Or at least that you love Richie more? I mean you used past tense after being kissed by the boy you’ve been head over heels for your entire life. Trust me, I’ve had to watch the pining for years. You didn’t know that Richie would be listening. And you were sober last night.”

“But—”

“Will, you will always love Mike. He’s your best friend and will probably be your brother-in-law some day. But I’ve seen you grow and flourish with Richie. I’ve seen how happy he makes you. It’s okay to move on from Mike. He will still always be there for you. And I think truthfully, a part of you has moved on. You just have to let the other part go.”

And suddenly everything made sense. Max’s words rang clear through my head. I don’t actually love Mike like I used to. I even said it myself. I’m just trying to hold on to the memory of loving him. But there's no reason to do that when I have Richie. I don’t have to continue hurting myself by holding on to something that’s not right. If we were meant to be, we would have already happened. Now I have Richie and everything is perfect. I can’t mess that up. 

So for the first time in my entire life, I actually let go of loving Mike.

Chapter Text

Worthless Sons

Richie's POV

Will had never just left like that. I was terrified. I mean he did say he loved me too, which was reassuring. But I couldn’t think about what would happen when he was actually alone. I didn’t want to believe he would do that again. But who am I kidding, I caused this right? I dug my own grave with this one. Why couldn’t I just believe him? Why did I have to feel so fucking jealous of Mike? Mike isn’t even with Will. I am. I am Will’s boyfriend yet I feel like I’m not enough. I feel like at any moment Mike will swoop in and steal him out from under me. He’s the one Will really wants right? His childhood best friend who just happened to share my damn face. It’s so fucking stupid and it makes me feel sick. Why can’t I make myself believe him?

I had stood just inside the door that had been slammed in my face for what felt like hours. I couldn’t force myself to move. I just stood there and waited like he was actually coming back. But I knew he wasn’t. I never wanted to follow him so bad. To protect him. To love him. But he told me to stay. He didn’t give me a choice. I couldn’t force him and make matters worse. So instead I just stood here like a puppy dog waiting for its owner to return.  I’m so fucking pathetic.

“Richie honey, are you okay?” Mom walked out of the kitchen after she noticed I had been standing and staring at the door for quite some time. It was enough to break me from my thoughts and I was finally able to move. But I didn’t feel like answering her. I couldn’t muster up the words. Nothing felt adequate enough to explain how I felt. I just let out a sigh and headed towards the stairs. I could feel her eyes staring through me the entire way.

The moment I opened up the bedroom door, Mike was throwing down his comic and sitting up in bed quickly. “Hi,” he said quietly.

I shot a glare in his direction, trying to read his emotional standpoint. “Hi,” I said a little more aggressively than I intended.

“Are you okay?” He scooted to the side of his bed and let his feet hit the floor. He patted his bed, motioning for me to come sit by him. I rolled my eyes and sat across from him on my own bed. 

“Does it look like I’m okay? Will left Mike.”

“Left the house or like left left?” There was a hint of concern in his voice, but my judgment was too clouded to acknowledge it.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I scoffed. “Un-fucking-believable.”

“Rich, believe it or not, I’m asking because I care about you. I can tell you're upset and I’m just trying to talk. Talking really helps you to feel better.”

“You’re right. I don’t believe you. And that’s really rich coming from you. Mr. pity party who hasn’t left his bed in two weeks and refuses to talk to anyone.” I really didn’t think I could get more pissed than I already was, but Mike just seemed to be pushing my buttons here lately.  

“It’s called mourning. You know how bad it is. If you remember, we’ve been in the exact same situation. I don’t know why you are being such a bitch to me about it.” His words seemed angry, but his voice sounded calm. I couldn’t understand where his emotions were really at right now. Normally I’m the emotionally responsible one, but is Mike really taking over that role right now? It only seemed to make things worse.

“I’m being a bitch because you kissed my boyfriend. If you were really mourning, you wouldn’t be trying to move on so quick. It’s only been two weeks Mike!” I spit out.

“Please help me to understand Richie. One minute you want me to be perfectly normal. You want me to go out with everyone, to go back to school, to actually leave my bed, to party, to act like everything is perfectly fine. But the moment I actually leave, I’m not spending enough time mourning? Please make it make sense. What am I supposed to do?”

I wanted to pull my hair out. I wanted to scream at him. I shouldn’t be as angry as I am. I just didn’t know how to control it. “I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is Mike. But I can tell you that kissing my boyfriend, your best friend, is definitely the wrong thing to do.”

“You don’t think I know that? Richie, I know what I did was shitty. I feel horrible for what I did. I have hurt Will so many times over the years and I will never be able to fully forgive myself for any of them. But I was trying to apologize to him. For him. Because even if I’m never able to forgive myself, he needs that closure. I know what I did was wrong. You don’t have to throw that back in my face like a bitch. And fuck you man. That really was a low blow. You know he changed. No matter how upset you want to be over it, Troy changed and I love him. I will always love him. So talk bad about me all you want for what I did, but keep his name out of your mouth. He’s gone and he’s not ever coming back. I can’t ever get him back. It’s not fair to say that. But you’ve really messed up this time Richie. And I’m not talking about me. You hurt Will. What you said hurt him. Or more, what you implied about him. That was you, not me. You better find a good way to fix this. I have no idea what happened last night. I could probably give you every excuse in the book. I was drunk and probably a bit high too if we are being honest. I was in my feelings. I probably read the fucking letter. I mean shit there are so many things that could have happened and I don’t remember what’s true. But at the end of the day, what I did still happened and no amount of excuses will take that away. And for that, I’m sorry. To you. To Will. But if he says that he doesn’t love me anymore, just fucking believe him. I don’t fucking care if I’m never happy again, but I will make damn sure he is. If that means him being with you instead of me, fine. But you better fix this. This is your shit.”

And with that, he got up and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He left willingly. For the first time in over two weeks, he left the room without being pulled out or bribed or forced. And that’s all because of me. I fucked up again.

“Ughhhhh!” I screamed, throwing myself back on my bed to stare up at the ceiling. Why am I such a fuck up? I had to find a way to make things better with Will and Mike. I needed us to all be okay again. I just didn’t know how. This wound was just too fresh.

I could faintly hear the phone ringing downstairs and footsteps hurrying across the floor to answer it. At nearly the same time, the front door slammed shut. Mike was actually leaving? Like full on leaving the house. Fuck.

“Richie! The phone is for you honey!” Mom yelled from downstairs. I groaned and pulled myself to my feet. This better be good. I don’t think I have the mental capacity to deal with any more shit today. Once I met her at the phone, mom gave a tight lipped smile and walked away looking over at her shoulder. She’s not stupid. The air in the house is extremely tense. Her front door has been slammed twice in the past hour. I’m the only kid home. And now I’m getting a phone call from…

“Dipshit, I can hear your breathing. Are you going to say anything?”

“Max?” Why the hell was Max calling and asking for me?

“Oh look, you can be smart after all.” Her tone was bitter and sarcastic.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to—”

“Can it. How fast can you get here?” She was cutting straight to the chase of a situation I had no idea about.

“What the hell Max? Why?”

I could hear dad shout from the living room, “language!”

“Oh don’t act like you have better things to do. You better come and make it quick.” Before I had the chance to respond, I heard the line click and she was gone. 

I slowly hung up the phone and rubbed my palms up and down my face. Could this day get any weirder?

I walked towards the front door, fully expecting to have to bike all the way across town to Max’s house for whatever reason. But that’s when I noticed our car keys still hanging by the door. Mike didn’t drive? A pang of guilt hit me in my stomach. Where could he be trying to go without a car? I had too many people to worry about right now. Will, Mike, and apparently Max?

I was confused the entire drive there, trying to rack my brain for a logical explanation for why Max had a dyer need to see me. That was until I pulled up to her trailer and saw Will’s car parked out front. Fuck. My mind started racing even faster. What did Will do? Please tell me he didn’t relapse. I would never forgive myself. But wait, he wouldn’t have driven here if he relapsed. Max would have picked him up or she would have stayed there at the Byers-Hopper house. Why is he with Max? God, I really fucking messed up.

I knocked on the door and could hear running before Max swung the door open. She swung her other hand and whacked me upside the head. “You’re a real dumbass, you know that?” She said, rolling her eyes, but letting me in all the same.

“He’s here?” My voice dripped with guilt. “Did he ask you to call me? Is he okay?”

She sighed deeply. “First room on the right, no, and yes.”

“Wait, does he know I’m here?”

“Well, I figure he can hear you talking now. But I didn’t tell him I called you.”

“So your plan was to ambush us? What the hell Max?”

“You two dumbasses need to work this out. You both love each other too much to be fighting like this. And don’t even try to give me an excuse right now. I know what happened last night and frankly I could care less. But I do care about you two being happy. You make us miserable when you two are miserable. So please for the love of god, make up, kiss, fuck, I really don’t care. But you are not allowed to leave until you fix this. Although, I would appreciate it if you don’t fuck in my house.” My face blushed bright red at that and she chuckled. “See, I know you love him.”

As if on cue, Will walks out of what is presumably Max’s room. “Richie?” His voice is faint and frail. He seems both worried and excited to see I’m here, which breaks my heart into a million pieces.

“Hi, love.” I started walking towards him and he froze, waiting to see what my next move was. He almost seemed timid. I stopped just a foot in front of him. “I’m really sorry for what I said. I know it was mean to both you and Mike. I’m just a jealous fucking idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot Rich.” He seemed to start relaxing and he allowed me to bring him into a hug.

“Hey lovebirds, I have an idea.” Max piped up from just over my shoulder.

“Way to ruin the moment Maxine!” I sneered.

“Bitch, that was far from a moment. Oh my god, you hugged your boyfriend. Big deal!” She said, rolling her eyes. “Walk in the room you two. Chop chop.”

“Max? What are you doing?” Will asked, but his tone sounded more like a warning. Like he knew what was coming. We both took a seat on her bed and she slid her saucer chair across the room to sit in front of us.

“Welcome to your first session of couples therapy!” She gleamed as if she was proud of herself for the idea. “You two need a mediator to help each other see the other person’s point of view. You can’t seem to get up over that hill on your own. So to start, since Will came to me first, explain to Richie why you are upset.” Will and I both shot a nervous look at each other. I slid a gentle hand over his though. I knew he would need the reassurance that this was okay. That I was comfortable enough to do this. Even though I wasn’t really, deep down. At least not in front of Max. She’s cool and all, but I don’t know her like Will does yet. She wouldn’t have been my choice of who to go to. But after a few seconds of thinking it over, I can understand why Will did. She is pretty good when it comes to stuff like this.

Will took a deep breath before starting in. “Richie, I guess I just don’t understand why you won’t believe me when I tell you that I love you.” His eyes were pleading. Quietly, he added, “And that I don’t love Mike anymore.” I squeezed his hand tighter.

“I really want to believe you, Will. I keep telling myself I do.”

“Why can’t you actually believe him though Richie?” Max asks, attempting to find the deeper root of the problem.

“I guess I just can’t get over the fact that Mike and I look identical. I know he says that we are different. But every time I look in the mirror, I see him, the boy he loved first. Sometimes I just feel like I’m the second choice. And I’m worried now that his first choice actually likes him back, that he’s going to leave me. It’s why I didn’t tell him anything about Mike’s feelings when I found out. I was scared and jealous. They have so much history together. Will is Mike’s Eddie.” Tears were starting to roll down my cheeks and I didn’t even try to wipe them away. I couldn’t look over at Will. I just continued to stare at Max, watching her expression soften with the newfound information.

“You knew?” Will asked softly, squeezing my hand in an attempt to get my attention. I finally turned to look at him and tears were swelling in his eyes too now.

“I’ve known for a while now, yeah. Umm— well, the night you came out to the Party and he walked in on us. Shit.” I had to stop and take a deep breath. “I had talked to him the night before when he was questioning his sexuality. He had mentioned he thought he had feelings for a friend. He never mentioned a name and I didn't think to put the obvious together until he ran away from the room the next night. I’m sorry Will.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m glad you didn’t tell me.” Max shot eyes in Will’s direction. They almost seemed to be telling him to shut up . I couldn’t put a finger on why. “That’s not your thing to tell. Mike wasn’t out and it’s his crush. Even if it was on me, he needed to tell me in his time. Though his timing ended up being awful.” He chuckled. 

“Is Eddie the same Eddie from Derry?” Max asked. I nodded my head slowly. “Could you talk about him and why you call Will Mike’s Eddie ?”

“I— I don’t think that’s a good idea Max. I don’t want to upset Will any more than I already have.” My Will’s hand was squeezing against mine again. Our silent reassurance.

“If Max thinks it could help us to understand each other’s thinking, I think you should. I’m okay Richie. I promise. I mean look, I came here tonight when I got upset. I’m getting better.” Max’s eyes went wide when she realized what was implied.

“Eddie is a bit of a sore subject.” I winced at her after noticing her reaction. “He was the reason for Will’s last relapse. He was being a major dick and I was having a full blown panic attack and everything went wrong.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to bring it up.”

“Max, it’s fine. I want to listen. I’ll be okay.”

I squeezed my eyes shut before I willed myself to start talking. “Eddie was my everything when I lived in Derry. He was the small hypochondriac kid that I felt I always needed to protect. But he had the spunk and fight to argue with a brick wall and win. It’s what made us bicker so much. We were both so headstrong. I think that’s why the rest of the Losers hated us when we were together. But then again, we were never apart, practically attached at the hip. He was my first love. I’m pretty sure I loved him before I even knew what love was. He was one of my first friends. But just like Hawkins, Derry is not a kind place to people like us. I was scared. I repressed my feelings and had internalized homophobia. I hated myself for finding him attractive. I hated that I was sick. And I knew I couldn’t make him sick. God, all he ever talked about was his fear of catching AIDS. And his mom was even worse, feeding him lies and telling him about how sick he was. All I wanted to do was protect him from her. From the world. But she hated me. Stay away from that Tozier kid Eddie bear. He’s dirty. She would say. I knew I couldn’t tell him. So I hid that part of myself from him for so long. I secretly loved him and cared for him, but it was never enough. I finally worked up the courage to actually tell him before I left Derry, thinking that if all things went bad I would never have to see him again. That’s when I found out that he loved me too. But it would never work. We were too late. And god, it broke me. I really don’t know what I would have done if Mike wasn’t there with me. It was worse than rejection. I was fully prepared for that. No, this was so much worse. We both wanted it and realized when it was too late. But it makes me feel jealous because Mike still has a chance with Will. They both live right here in Hawkins. What would stop them from actually being together?”

I hadn’t realized in the middle of my tangent that Will had found his spot laying in my lap. My hand rightly found its place brushing through his hair. Max just stared at me in amazement. “Oh my god. That’s— I don’t— how can you two be so much alike?” She seemed to stumble over her words, but got her point across all the same. “And I get what you are saying Richie. I do. But have you ever stopped to think that Will didn’t know you were listening in to their conversation. He still used loved, not love. Meaning that he knew all along that he didn’t love Mike anymore. And hell, Will just has a type. What can I say?” I couldn’t help but laugh at her.

“We are more alike than you know Max.” A sad smile fell on my face and she cocked her head to the side in confusion. 

“And what do you mean you are even more alike than I know?”

“I also have a Troy. His name was Connor.” She was up out of her saucer chair and hugging me within seconds.

“I’m so sorry Richie.”

“I survived it. I know Mike will too.”

“And will we survive this?” Will asks, looking up from where he was laying in my lap. “I can understand why you are upset and you have a right to feel jealous. It’s scary to think about losing the person you love to someone they love more. But I want you to know there is no one in this world that I love more than you, okay. Not a single person.”

“I believe you Will. I love you more than anything.” I leaned down to kiss him, still carding my fingers through his hair.

“Gross! Get a room, and preferably not mine!” Max said, throwing a pillow at our faces. Together we laughed and threw the pillow back at her.

We will survive this.

Chapter Text

Drunk On Vanilla Vodka

Mike's POV

I couldn’t stop the thoughts that were running through my head. I honestly didn’t know what I would have done if I didn’t leave when I did. I tried my best to stay calm as he yelled at me. His anger was boiling over. I already knew he was upset with me. I mean, I did fuck up. It’s all I seem to do these days. But he really crossed a line bringing Troy into it. This was my mistake. It had nothing to do with him. It wasn’t fair to use his name in vain. I fucking loved him. So I did the only thing I knew I could do at the time. I grabbed my backpack, which I conveniently started packing after Richie ran after Will, and I slammed the door on him. He can deal with this shit on his own. I’ve tried apologizing. If he doesn’t want to accept my apology, then fine. But I’m not going to stand there and get disrespected, or better yet, listen to Troy get disrespected just because he’s angry. I know I fucked up. He doesn’t have to keep reminding me.

As I sat there on the ledge, looking down over the quarry, my mind wandered to Troy. It always seemed to happen these days. I can’t seem to get him out of my head no matter how hard I try. But that’s the entire reason I’m here right? I came here to mourn him in peace. No, I know it’s more than that. I came here to get away from Richie. 

I quickly moved to pull the backpack off of my back. Unzipping the bag instantly made me feel more comfortable. I pulled out my favorite of his hoodies and threw it on. It still faintly smelled like him. The smell of vanilla and oud wood took over me. But the scent was fading fast from the amount of times I have put the sweatshirt on. I laid back against the rocks behind me, still letting my feet dangle over the edge, and I drank in his scent. I wrapped the jacket around me, the feeling was the closest thing I've felt to his arms around me in longer than I cared to think about. I could almost feel him there. My anger slowly started dissipating.

I propped myself up and pulled the bottle of Smirnoff Vanilla out of the bottom of the bag. It was something I noticed was hidden in the bottom of the box he gave me. The bottle of vodka was hidden between all of the jackets and hoodies. They served as a layer of protection, both from the glass shattering and Richie finding it. He wouldn’t snoop through the box, but if it was out in the open he would have taken it from me. It made me smile. He knew me so well. Memories flooded me from the first time he brought out the bottle. It was our thing. Ours to share. I never knew who he would get it from. All I knew is where he would hide it. He had a tiny hole in his closet that led to the attic. It was covered by boxes to ensure his parents wouldn’t ever find it. Those nights when I would sneak into his window well after his parents went to sleep were filled with ditsy drabbles, shared drinks, and stifled laughter. We were always so careful to remember to put it away before morning. We were always so careful to set an alarm so I could slip out before they woke up and found us together. We would always drink his favorite. Vanilla vodka. Between his smell and his taste, I would always associate vanilla with him. It suited him.

I down a big gulp, wincing at the burn I should have been used to by now, and set the bottle to the side. I pulled out the locket I had tucked safely in the tiny pencil pouch on my backpack. I opened it up and stared down at his smiling face. He looked so happy. He looked at peace. Maybe he truly was at peace now. I hoped with everything I had that he was. This was one of the first pictures we took together. He had a little disposable camera in his room. He was obsessed with it. They had only come out a few months before he bought it. All of his money went to buying them. He had a box full of them in his room. Each one was labeled something different for the contents of the film. He had an entire camera dedicated to me, labeled Mike <3 . Just for me. All of the pictures that were developed and sat in the box came from that camera. God, the whole idea made him seem more human. No one ever got to see that side of him. He had so many walls up. A hard, candied shell coated that personality he never shared with the world. Only me. I wish more than anything the rest of the world could see Troy the way I saw him. That they could know him the way I knew him. But I'm the only one that will ever get to see that side of him. And now? No one else ever will. 

I looked down beside me and noticed the bottle was already nearly halfway gone. I couldn’t force myself to drink the other half. It wasn’t because I knew I didn’t need it. No, I would have drank it all if my mind wasn’t tugging at me. The other half was for him. I needed to find a way to accept it. I wanted to accept it. I needed to move past this sinking feeling. I clasped the locket around my neck for the first time. It’s true purpose. He wanted me to wear it. The moment it hit my sternum, I knew I wouldn’t ever take it off. It made me feel like I had a piece of him with me. It was the closest I had ever been to acceptance. Maybe eventually I could accept it. This gave me hope.

I barely heard the tires crunching the gravel behind me, as I laid back against the rock again, hand wrapped around the heart locket. The mix of alcohol and budding acceptance left me feeling peaceful. It wasn’t until a hand gently touched my shoulder, that I was pulled from that mind state.

“Mike?” His voice seemed a bit high pitched. Almost scared. Nothing like Hopper’s normal demanding tone. The booming echo was gone and replaced by what actually sounded like a twinge of sympathy, or maybe fear. I knew the state of the moment left a lot to be inferred. It wasn’t a good look.

“Why are you here?” There wasn’t any malice in my voice. It was genuine curiosity mixed with concern. Maybe he was just on patrol. Maybe after what happened with Troy, he kept a better eye on the quarry.

“Will called me. He said Richie was flipping out because you left and haven’t come back yet. He asked if I could try to find you.” He had moved to sit beside me, though I could see the tentative look in his eyes as he bent down and looked over the massive drop in front of us.

“Oh good. They worked their shit out.” My tone was emotionless. It seems my peace had also come with numbness I was searching for –  an incessantness that was seeping into every word, thought, and action.

“Look at me Mike. I’m not going to ask you if you are okay because we both know the answer to that. But I need you to tell me why you are here.” More of his scruffy voice was coming back. It seemed the idea of him sitting beside me to stop me from going anywhere washed relief over him. But his tone remained quiet and welcoming. Two things I would never have thought I could use to describe Hopper.

“I just needed to clear my mind. I— I really messed up and it caused Richie and I to get in a fight.” Tears started rolling down my cheeks, the numbness coming to an abrupt end as my grief swelled back up. I never wanted to hurt him. And I especially didn’t want to hurt Will. But I can never take that back now. “I— I fucked up so bad. I don't think I can fix this.”

“Mike,” he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. “I don’t know what you did. And I really don’t think I want to know what you did if it brought you out here. But Richie and Will are the ones that wanted me to come find you. Whatever you did clearly doesn’t stop him from loving and caring about you.”

“Coming out here makes me feel closer to him.” He let out a deep breath in reply and just let me lay against him in comfort. It felt fatherly. This man who has hated me for years just sat and held me like I was his own.

“Can I ask you a question Mike? I really don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I need to ask.” I looked up at him and met his glassy eyes. Was he really on the verge of tears? I gave a small nod. “Do you ever feel like him? Like— is that why you came out here?” I tried my best to scramble away from him. Is that really what he thought of me? I know he could see the fear in my eyes. It was hard to hide. He quickly stood up and pulled me away from the edge so I didn’t accidentally slip. 

“No, no I promise. No!” He gave me a look that told me not to fight this as he rested his hands on my shoulders trying to get me to focus. I averted my eyes, unwilling to look at him in his. I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think it was true. It wasn’t true!

“Mike, you're drunk. Your feet were hanging off the edge. Even if you aren’t feeling that way. It’s too dangerous. Grab your bag. We can go talk in the truck.” By the time we walked back to the truck, it felt like I was sobering up. Though I knew it was just the lack of peaceful feelings rather than the lack of alcohol in my system. Hopper sat down, took off his hat and threw it in the back, and took a deep breath while clutching the steering wheel. It almost seemed more like a relief breath than anything. He never once started the truck up though. Eventually he turned to look at me. “How often do you come out here?”

“Yesterday was the first day I left my house, Hopper. I don’t know how I can stress it to you enough. I don’t want to kill myself! Maybe in the beginning. Maybe I have thought about it. But I can’t act on it. I won’t. Troy wouldn’t want that.” This was not a conversation I felt like having with my ex-girlfriend's dad, the police chief of Hawkins, and my best friend’s step-dad. He squeezed his eyes tight and sucked in on his lips. He was trying to think of the best words to say.

“You really loved him didn’t you?” He settled on that? Really. God, this was embarrassing. Sensing my apprehension, he continued. “I’m not good at this whole relationship thing Mike. You know I’m not. I was terrible at talking to you and El. I pushed you away and I was really harsh with you. I’m sorry for that. And I know even less when it comes to— to this. The gay thing. I don’t know what you want me to call it. I’m sorry if that offends you. I’ve been trying to be open minded for Will. I really do like Richie. He’s good to him. I just don’t have any experience dealing with it all. I didn’t know of anyone like you and Will and Richie. There’s some really mean people out there Mike. If you think times are bad now, you should have seen how cruel they were when I was your age. And I don’t say that to make you feel like this isn’t an adequate feeling. No, I’m just trying to tell you that I’m trying. I care about you boys and I want to protect you. I hate seeing you upset. I hate that Troy felt he had to do that. I hate that you have to endure that pain. God, I’m messing this up again.” He huffed trying to find the best way to word what he had on his mind. “I’m terrible at talking about relationships, Mike. I mean, I honestly don’t know how Joyce puts up with me most of the time. But I understand a thing or two about loss. I know how you are feeling right now. That feeling will never go away. You will always feel that loss. But it gets easier. It will.”

I looked up at him finally, turning to face him in the seat. I could see the sun glistening on the tear stream that covered his cheeks. He was being vulnerable with me. He was letting down his walls. “How long?”

“Sarah was— she was seven when we lost her. Wow, that was ten years ago. Umm, there’s never a day that goes by when I don’t think about her. I finally let myself accept it around the time El came around. So I guess it was about five years or so. I was a horrible griever. The alcohol isn’t going to get you anywhere kid. Learn it here from me. It makes you feel better in the moment, but the moment you're sober, it comes back tenfold. You’re too young for that shit anyways.”

“She— she would have been my age? Can you tell me about her?” His stare at me went blank and I was immediately backpedaling. “I’m sorry. Don’t feel like you have to answer that. I shouldn’t— just forget about it.”

His eyes softened and he rested his hand against my knee. “You two were born the same month. I think you guys would have gotten along well. She would have gotten along well with all of your friends. She was so smart. Sometimes I thought she was a bit too smart to even be mine.” It was able to bring a small laugh out of me. He laughed right along with me. “She loved science, astronomy, and reading. She was beautiful, just like her mother. And she was a fighter up until the very end.”

“How do I get over it? Losing him?”

“It will take time. But this? This isn’t how you do it. This makes it all worse. Trust me.” He went to start the turck, but quickly turned it back off. “Is your bag full of his things?” I slowly nod, not knowing exactly where he was going with this. “Get out of the car. I have an idea.”

“What—”

“Just grab your bag and follow me.” I hopped out of the car and followed him as he walked me just past the treeline surrounding the quarry. He had grabbed a shovel out of the back of his truck. “You’re getting your closure.” He started digging a hole right next to one of the trees.

“Hopper, this is crazy! What are you doing?”

“You didn’t go to his funeral. Don’t even try to lie to me about it either. You’ve already told me that yesterday was the first time you left your house. Plus I was there. You didn’t get your closure. This is going to be your closure. You have to get rid of this stuff Mike. You can’t keep staring at it all. It’s not going to make him come back.”

“You’re going to make me bury it?” I asked incredulously, anger rising within me with every word. 

He propped the shovel up against the tree and walked over to pull me in another tight hug. “Look Mike. You said you want to get over it. You said you want acceptance. This is acceptance. You don’t have to get rid of everything. You just have to have a bit of closure. It could be anything really. Even just one thing. But if you want acceptance, you have to have closure.”

I completely froze. It’s like Troy was speaking to me himself. All signs pointed to the one thing that would give me closure. The one thing I knew I needed to get out of my sight for good. The one thing that leads to so many problems and is continuously tearing me down. I slowly pulled the letter out of my front pocket and handed it over to Hopper. He looked at me with a knowing and sympathetic smile. He folded it up several times and stuck it down in the small hole he had already made before handing the shovel over to me. My eyes went wide. I knew that he would probably make me. I knew it was part of the closure. I knew it needed to happen. But actually doing it was a completely different story. It made it final. But isn’t that what I want? I want acceptance right? I want to overcome. But I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget him or his words. I just want to forget this pain.

Hopper rested his hand on the small of my back and pushed me forward towards the small hole, edging me on. With a silent nod, I started moving the dirt back over to fill up the hole. To cover the letter. To bury the pain. With each shovel full of dirt, I felt the slightest bit lighter. I needed this. I needed the push. 

After the hole was completely filled in and packed down, I grabbed the pocket knife out of my back pocket and turned to carve a small T with a heart in the tree, leaving his mark there forever. I didn’t need to actually read his letter to remember him. I could always just come back here. The letter left me feeling numb. This just left me feeling sad. I could deal with sadness. Sometimes it’s good to feel sad. Sad was doable. Sad was a step up. Sad meant I was heading towards acceptance.

The moment I was done, Hopper patted me on the back. “Come on kid. Let me get you home. I know Richie is worried sick.” And with that, we were heading back to the truck that he actually started this time. 

Though Hopper told me that Richie really was scared for me, it still left me worried to actually see him. When we pulled into the driveway, I was terrified. And Hopper could sense it too. Together we sat there in the driveway for several minutes in complete silence, minus the little taps his fingers made against his steering wheel. “Look kid. I’ll walk you in. It’s going to be okay. If they didn’t really care, they wouldn’t have called. Even if they don’t forgive you now for whatever it was you did, they will eventually.”

I nodded quickly. I knew his words were true. I knew that they wouldn’t have called if not. I knew that. I just had to do it. I just had to get out of the car and actually walk in the house. I had to work up the courage. But Hopper was already stepping out of the vehicle and I was out of time. So with that, we were both walking up to the front door.

It felt funny to knock on my own front door. But I felt it was warranted. I didn’t bring a house key with me. My hasty escape caused me to let the notion of grabbing it slip through my mind. It wasn’t even a full second later before Richie was flinging the door open and pulling me into one of his crushing hugs as Will stood behind him, looking more relieved than I've ever seen him. It was the closest we had been in weeks.

Richie pulled back to look me in the eye, still keeping his arms wrapped tightly around me. He refused to let me go again. I don’t know if he ever would. “You smell like alcohol, Mike. Why do you smell like alcohol?” As if just now noticing my appearance, he drops his arms and takes a full step back. “And why are you so dirty?”

“Calm down, Richie. He’s okay. Everything is okay. Just let him explain it on his own.” Hopper said calmly, which caused Will’s head to snap in his direction. Will cocked his head to the side attempting to read Hopper’s expression of fondness covering his face.

“You’re being nice to him? You’re never nice to him.” Will states flatley. His accusing tone rang through the living room. 

“Are you okay Mike?” I gave Hopper a quick nod and he tipped his hat. “I’ll leave it to you boys. Will you be home for dinner tonight, Will?”

“Yes, sir.” Will replied, shyly. And Hopper was out the door. Everyone’s heads snapped in my direction.

“I’m okay, I promise. More than okay really. Today was good. I really needed this today.” I blubbered off.

“Where were you?” Richie looked to be on the verge of tears, his face the picture of concern.

“I went to the quarry. And before you freak out at me like Hopper did, I was not thinking about jumping. Been there, done that. That’s scary as shit.” My joke however fell as flat as my attempt at a laugh, with both Richie and Will’s eyes perking up at me in both confusion and concern. They didn’t know. They were there that day and I’ve never told a soul.

“What the hell do you mean, Mike?” Richie asked slowly, really hoping to get his point across.

“It wasn’t a whole suicide thing. I mean, maybe it was, but I didn’t have a choice. When Will was missing, the bullying got worse…”

“Troy and James?” Will asks quietly.

“Yeah,” I choked out. “God, I was doing so good and now I just opened up this fucking can of worms. Will, I didn’t want you to know about this. You didn’t have to know about this.”

“You can tell me Mike. I promise I won’t get mad. I know he changed. We both know he changed. Right, Rich?” Richie froze and looked like he had to think about his answer for a very long time. Eventually he shook his head in agreement. This would change everything though. They would never be able to understand how I loved him after this. This isn’t just something you look over. I don’t know how I was ever able to. But it doesn’t change the fact that I do love him.

“While you were missing, they were picking on us. Specifically me. I got shoved to the ground  and I busted open my chin one day at break. They talked about how you were dead and in fairy land now. You know the usual, calling you gay and everything else. I had finally had enough at your assembly. I pushed him to the ground and he got up to come attack me. But El made him pee his pants in front of the whole school. That only made matters worse. He found me and Dustin at the quarry alone one day. He threatened to cut out Dustin’s teeth with his pocket knife if I didn’t jump. I couldn’t let him do it. I couldn’t let him hurt my friend, so I jumped. If El hadn't been watching us secretly from a distance, I would have died that day. That’s the reason Troy chose the quarry. He said that it was the best way to go and that karma is a bitch.”

“Mike…” Will saundered.

“No, you said you wouldn’t get mad. He changed, remember? And I didn’t go out there for anything like that. I went out there to feel him. I needed to calm down from our fight and I did. It worked. Hopper even helped me get some closure. His letter is gone now, okay. Everything is going to get better so I just need you to all get off my back and let me live. I’m going to be okay!” Closer to the end, my voice started speeding up more and more until my words were running together and now I was yelling, finally drawing dad’s attention. 

“Richie, Will, how about you boys go upstairs and let me talk with Mike for just a bit.” Richie’s eyes snapped to him and looked terrified. I, on the other hand, could care less. It seemed no one wanted to listen to me anyway. None of their opinions differed so what did it matter who I was talking to. The two slowly walked their way up the stairs, turning back to make sure I was okay. I nodded at them and followed dad into the living room. I sat down on the couch and for the first time in my entire life, my father didn’t take a seat in his Lazy-Boy. No, he sat beside me on the couch. His legs turned in until the sides were touching, facing directly at me. His face relaxed and actually showed a bit of sympathy. “I know everyone has been scared to ask you, but how are you doing, son? How are you really doing?”

“Not great. Terrible really. But it feels like it’s getting better.”

“How so?” His tone was gentle and welcoming. He wanted to actually talk instead of just feeling like he had to. Who is this man and what has he done with my father?

“For the longest time, I just felt numb. It’s like that moment when you run your hand under scalding hot water for so long that it starts to feel cold. My body wasn’t letting me feel the pain. Not the way I needed it to anyways. I couldn’t do anything because I couldn’t feel anything. But then they forced me to leave the house yesterday and I felt everything rush over me all at once. I wanted nothing more than to go back to that numbing pain again. And because I tried to do that, I made some really bad choices. Like, really bad. It caused a big fight with Richie and I don’t think he will ever be able to forgive me. Will either. But I surprisingly woke up feeling good. I didn’t remember any of it. All I remembered was that I survived a night of leaving the house. I survived a night of living for the first time in weeks. I felt something good finally. Until I figured out that I shouldn’t feel good. Then I just wanted to be numb again. I went to the quarry to feel numb, but I also wanted to feel him. And I couldn’t do both at the same time. Hopper helped me to realize that it’s okay to feel. Feeling something means you’re healing. I want to heal. And I think I finally can. It won’t be easy and it might take a really long time before it can actually happen, but it eventually will. I’m letting myself feel sadness because at least I’m feeling something.”

“You really sound like a grown up, son.” He smiled wide and his eyes were gleaming. “That is honestly one of the most mature things I have ever heard you say. I know you’ve had to really grow up fast these past few years. I know you’ve been through some terrible—and excuse my language—shit. Between Will going missing, the mall fire, and now losing Troy, I know it hasn’t been easy on you son. To see you being able to understand and recognize your emotions makes me proud.”

“Th–thanks dad.” He’s proud of me? He’s actually proud of me.

“I just want to leave you with this before you go back upstairs and join your brother. Okay? We can’t avoid pain. Pain is an inevitable thing. Some of us will experience way more of it in life than others. It’s not fair and I know that. But, we can’t just act like things don’t hurt us. We have to acknowledge that pain or it’s never going to leave us. We have to tend to our wounds in order for them to heal, otherwise they become infected. Grieving is never easy, son. Grieving means eventually saying goodbye to the things that caused you to feel this pain. And those are the hardest goodbyes to ever say, because once they are gone they don’t come back. But without saying goodbye, they will hold you down and keep you from moving forward. They will keep you from excelling in life. I know you are going to excel son. You just have to find a way to say goodbye to this pain. I know you will be able to eventually.” He gave me a slight pat on the knee before I pulled him into a hug. It was one of the few times in my entire life that I had hugged the man I called me father. He wasn’t a touchy and loving person, but in that moment, he welcomed me with all of the love he had in him. And without another word, he stood and walked back to his Lazy-Boy, taking a seat to continue watching the news he had playing before I walked in.

I silently stood up and walked away. He smiled at me over his shoulder as our eyes met. A beat passed and I ascended the stairs. I stopped in front of our door to take a breath and prepare myself. 

The moment I opened the door, Richie looked up at me. He was sitting on his bed with Will leaning against his shoulder. In his hand was a piece of paper. His welcoming smile brought me in and I sat across from him on my own bed. He leaned forward and sat the paper in my lap. I gave him a weary look before opening it and seeing Elijah’s name and number listed on it.

“What’s this?” I said, holding the paper up in the air.

“He stayed with you last night until he knew you were safe in the car with us. He held you while you told him what was bothering you. He listened to every word you had to say.  He actually cares about you Mike. He could be a good friend to have right now. I’m selfish for not giving it to you earlier and I’m sorry for that. But you need someone like him that you can talk to. And he is willing to be there for you.”

Every wave of emotion washed over me and I processed the words Richie had said to me. I was feeling so much at one time, yet it wasn’t overwhelming. For the first time in weeks, I wasn’t overwhelmed by the tidal wave that washed over me. And then I finally settled on one emotion.

Content.

Chapter Text

Glimmer in the Eye of Curious

Will's POV

The end of the school year was fastly approaching, as late May made its appearance. It was all beginning to set in. I am about to be a senior. That means I have just one more year left. One year until I will have to leave Hawkins again. The town that has both cursed and blessed me over and over. A piece of me was born and died in this town, but I will always consider it to be home. Lenora was never home to me. It was just a placeholder. A passing through. An ellipse from Hawkins before to Hawkins after.

The thought of having to leave mom wrecked havoc in both my brain and – if I'm being honest – my heart. While I'll be first to tell you how suffocating it initially felt, I’ve found I've grown fond of her overprotective nature. Though I didn’t quite have a choice – she’s barely let me out of her sight since I was twelve, and even then, I can never go anywhere alone – most would say it’s overbearing. But it’s more comforting than you might think. And now that I was being confronted by the realization that I would soon no longer have it? I could feel the fear of eventually not having her watchful gaze over me building deep in the pit of my stomach. 

At least I would always have Richie, right? At least I hoped as much was true. 

I mean, who am I kidding? What’s the chance that I will even get into my dream school? NYU is a long shot. Ever since Jon and I were little, we both loved the idea of going. He didn’t get accepted. So what’s the chance I would? He’s stuck going to the University of Indianapolis. It’s cheap and has a high acceptance rate. It was the best he could swing and if we are being completely honest, he hates even being that far away from us. But even if I do get accepted, who’s to say Richie would too? Would he follow me anyway? Does he even want to go to college? Shit, this is all too much to even think about right now. We still have a year right? 

But, then again, by this time last year all these seniors were thinking that exact same thing I bet. And now their window of time is running thin. It all comes to an end eventually.

But for now? I'm going to push all of that out of my mind and focus on the fact that we are on our way to our final Hellfire club meeting of the year. A little celebration for Eddie and Gareth. It’s more of a party than an actual meeting. They are finally leaving the nest of this little family we built. I wonder if they are worried about not having their shit together either?

“Will?” Richie’s words snapped me out of my thoughts, causing me to whip my head over to where he was sitting in the passenger’s seat of my car. My eyes stared into him for several seconds, drinking in the way the setting sun cast against his face. Every worry that plagued my mind, just oozed away. “Woah, eyes on the road!”

“Sorry, shit. I got a little caught up there for a minute.”

“Before or after you looked over at me?” Richie let out a soft laugh. He was trying to make light of the situation. When I didn’t say anything, he reached out and grabbed my hand. “Love, where’s your head at?”

“I’m just— thinking.” I was barely able to choke out the words. They felt like needles on my tongue.

“Oh that’s a bit of a scary one. Will the Wise always does the best thinking. You want to talk about it?” He squeezed my hand a little harder.

“I— It’s just— Today makes me realize that this will be us next year.”

“Fucking finally! High school can suck my dick.”

“Richie…” I let a soft breath go and he instantly caught on.

“Sorry, Will. I promise I’m listening. Talk to me.” His tone shifted so quickly, it almost gave me whiplash. His voice went quiet and all of his attention was focused on me.

“We’ve never really talked about it, you know.”

“About what?” His coy smile caught just in my peripheral vision. He wanted me to say it.

“About what happens after.” He quickly pulled my hand up to his lips, ghosting a kiss against my knuckles.

“What do you want to happen after, Will?” His voice was low and inviting, filled with a hint of lust.

“Us or me?” I asked, feeling as Richie shifts uneasily next to me at my words.

“Both, I guess…” He answers hesitantly, and I could see how tense he sat out of the corner of my eye.

“I want to do it all with you Rich, but we don’t even know what we each want to do. Do you even want to go to college? Could we even go to the same college?”

“I know you want to study art.” He cooed.

“How—”

Richie cut me off before I could even finish the question. “You’re an open book, Byers. And art is so beautifully you. I would follow you anywhere, college or not, you know that. Don’t worry that little head of yours too much about it. Your worried look does no justice to your beautiful face.”

“You want to follow me?” I tried to bite it back, but my tone came out just as incredulous as I was feeling.

“Everywhere.” He nearly whispered, like he of all people was too shy to admit it.

God how I want to sit here and revel in how adorable it was. But, unfortunately, we had important things to discuss. It’s not just about me. It’s about us.

“But what do you want?”

“You.” I turned just in time to see his lovestruck eyes fixed on me.

“You know I’m being serious.” I threw the hand he still had intertwined with his own until it knocked against his shoulder. The haste was lost in the transaction. 

“Well, I am being serious, William. As serious as I’ve ever been. But I know you meant to ask what my plans were.” Though he started off joking, he suddenly got very serious and quiet. “I don’t really have any if we are being honest. I’ve never stopped to think about it. I’ve never really gotten to be my own person until I moved here. I was the kid that barely escaped his abusive parents. I was the Trashmouth who used his words to cover up what he’s really feeling. I was the gay, closeted kid, afraid of anyone finding out his dirty little secret. None of these lead to a future. They are just shadows of my past that seem to loom over and haunt me. How am I supposed to make a decision on my future if I don’t even know about my present?”

“Those things aren’t your present, Richie. That was the Derry version of you. Yes, it’s a part of you, but it’s not what defines you. You are confident, funny, protective, caring, and oh so loving. You would do anything for everyone else without even thinking of yourself. You might be still trying to find who you feel you really are – and you’ll find that someday – but this you is the one I fell in love with, Richie. You don’t have to change anything about you. You just have to find what fits with who you are.”

“Okay.” He said softly, accepting the words as they created a veil over us.

Even if the conversation didn’t feel like it came to an end, we pulled into the school parking lot, ultimately deciding the fate. He instantly shifted back to his bubbly self – the mask coming right back up. We just did that. We were vulnerable. Our walls were down and we both survived it. It seemed all too adult and domestic at the same time. While the words seemed to have a sad connotation, they left me warm and fuzzy. We are growing together. Even if he is never that vulnerable around anyone else, he’s that vulnerable with me. It left me with a twinge of happiness. I did that. We did that.

“Come on, William! The Party awaits!” He was already at the driver’s side door, opening it up for me. He held out his hand for me to take as I stepped down. Though when my feet hit the ground, he didn’t let go. I squeezed it tight and gave him a big smile as we walked in.

The moment the door to the Hellfire club room opened, noise erupted. Music being played loudly while the voices inside talk amongst each other even louder. It was all lively and inviting. The room — well maybe it’s more the people inside — reeked of the feeling of home. It’s at that point that I understood: Hawkins isn’t home, the people in this room are. And they just so happen to live in the shitty town we know as Hawkins.

“Will! Richie!” Eddie yelled the moment he caught us standing in the doorway. Everyone else seemed to follow suit.

“Great! Now that the lovebirds are finally here, we can get this party started!” Dustin said, jumping from his seat. He slung an arm over both of our shoulders as he somehow found a way to wedge in between us. 

We found our bean bag chairs over in the corner of the room. Everyone seemed to just know they were our assigned seats on the days we weren’t actually playing. The conversations slowly started to course from individuals to more of a group discussion, soaking in the little bit of time we had left. I looked up at Richie from where I was leaning against his shoulder. He seemed to be drinking in their words and falling comfortably into the conversation himself, not missing an opportunity to add in his two cents. He never did. He was just good at talking. I couldn’t really hear what their words were as I seemed completely and utterly lost looking at him. But his hand squeezed against mine every few minutes, keeping me grounded. He knew it was all I needed.. My voice wasn’t necessary.

“Eddie! What are you going to do now that you are finally graduating?” Mike’s voice seemed to draw me out of that cloudy daze and I was way more attentive. My insides crawled at the thought of discussing the future again. It was slowly becoming a fear, even though Richie tried to give me all of his reassurances. 

It was at the moment that I realized just how close Mike and Elijah were sitting on the couch. The entire side of their bodies pushed up together from shoulder to knee to make room for Dustin who seemed to be taking up more of the couch than he could ever need. Mike’s eyes caught my gaze and his face instantly went red. He sucked his lips in, trying to hide the smile that threatened to sneak onto his face from getting caught in the position. All I could do was smile and turn away. Good for him.

“I’m going on the road, young ones. Traveling the country. Driving the roads. Seeing the sights. Living the life.” He replied almost euphorically in his overdramatic way.

“What about Corroded Coffin?” I asked, interjecting myself for the first time.

“Why Will the Wise, you always know how to ask the smart questions. I guess now is as good of a time as ever to announce… my position has been filled.” My eyes flitted around the room trying to read everyone’s faces. My eyes caught on Gareth who was wearing the biggest smile.

“Ready for your debut, E?” Gareth asked knowingly.

E? Eddie? No, he said debut… Elijah? My eyes flew to where he was sitting beside Mike. His face was adorn with a deep shade of red, nearly crimson.

“Y–yeah, I guess so.” Elijah’s voice was barely over a whisper, clearly embarrassed over being called out in the group of older kids. “I just won’t be able to make up for Eddie’s vocals. The guitar I can handle though.” Mike’s face was blushing too now. I could tell that he was enamored by the new information about the boy sitting next to him. Richie seemed to have picked up on it too.

“I know someone that can sing if you are really looking.” Richie said with a shit eating grin. He can technically play a little too, but he’d never admit that to any of you. Mike’s eyes snapped into place, daring Richie to say anything more. His little secret that only Richie and I knew about was on the verge of coming out. “I’ve even read some of his songs.”

Mike mouthed a quick “fuck you.”

“Well, you have to tell us now. I mean shit, we’ve never written our own songs. That’s fucking cool. Is it one of your friends from Derry?” Eddie asked, completely unaware of the way Mike was internally panicking. Somehow, Elijah hadn’t even noticed, even though he could most definitely feel every move Mike made.

“You want to tell them or should I?” He asked, not directing his words in any specific direction, but Mike and I both knew who it was for.

“Wait, they are here? You mean there’s been someone we could’ve had singing for us this whole time?” Gareth asked, suddenly realizing what his words implied, he added in, “Sorry Eddie.”

“No you’re fine man! I mean shit, I’m not that good. If there was someone who could actually sing, I would’ve given them the chance.” Eddie mulled over.

“He’s just playing me up. I’m not that good.” Mike said softly. 

All eyes were on him, including the younger boy’s that was attached at his hip. He now wore a matching enamored look that Mike wore for him earlier. The smile plastered on his face told me all I needed to know. 

There was definitely something more there.

Chapter Text

Don't Carry This All By Yourself

Richie's POV

There was a soft knock on the front door that I faintly heard over the strums of Mike’s guitar that coursed loudly throughout the room. 

Mike has been practicing nonstop since I told the Party he could sing and play a little. I don’t even know why he’s nervous. He really shouldn’t be, but he almost seems obsessive over the fact of making this perfect. If we are being honest, it doesn’t sound any better than it did when he first started, but that’s just because it was already good to begin with.

I grabbed my pillow from behind my back and threw it at him, causing his fingers to slip slightly out of tune, as I got up and started heading towards the door. “What the hell, Richie!” Mike yelled. 

“There’s someone knocking on the door and I can barely hear over your obsessive need to play the same song over and over. You sounded good when you first started. You sound the same now.” 

“Sorry for your inconvenience,” Mike said, rolling his eyes. “It has to be perfect because someone had to tell all of our friends that I’m actually good!”

I started to head downstairs, not even bothering to argue over it. He was clearly in a whiney mood. I was honestly grateful for the excuse to leave the room as I heard his fingers strum against the same set of chords he had played a hundred times before.

I didn’t know if the insanity of it all had made me crazy or if I was just seeing the goddamn clown shit again, but when I opened the door to find Max standing on my porch, I wasn’t quite sure what to think. 

“Max?” I didn’t mean for the question to come off as rude as it sounded, but I was already fed up with Mike and the randomness of her visit piqued my curiosity just a bit too much.

“Hi, Richie,” she replied dispassionately, yet there was a hint of something in her eyes that seemed like she really did want to be here.

“Oh ummm, Mike is upstairs. I figure that’s who you’re here for. Do you want me to go get him?” I rushed my words to the point where they were all running together. Was I actually a bit nervous? Max always seemed to remind me of Beverly, and Bev can sometimes scare me. I guess the feeling just kind of rubbed off onto Max. I mean we aren’t that close. She was obviously here to see Mike for some reason.

She cracked a tiny smile watching the emotions running rampant over my face. “I’m not here for Mike, dipshit.” She was already pushing her way through the door before I had a chance to respond.

“Then why are you here?” I couldn’t help but laugh nervously at the idea of why she could possibly be here for any other reason. I rang my hands together, trying to stimulate some of the nervousness away. Hell, did I mess up something with Will again? Is that why she’s here, to ring my neck? I mean, Will isn’t even in town. He went with his mom to visit Jonathan since he couldn’t come home for the weekend.

“I’m here to talk to you,” she said, casually rolling her eyes and heading for the basement door. She was doing a great job of making herself at home.

“Well, I figured that since you weren’t here to talk to Mike.” I rubbed the back of my neck hoping the little remark was enough to make me sound like my normal self, and not the one who couldn’t stop freaking out for some reason.

“Okay, smartass. What if I wanted to talk to your sister?” She asked, matching my snide tone.

Her joke was able to let me breathe a bit more. She wasn’t here in bad blood, or at least it didn’t seem like it yet. With the extra layer of comfort, I was able to access my full arsenal of jokes. “Which one? The one who doesn’t live here anymore or the one that’s six?”

“Dick,” she huffed, giving me a playful push once we made it to the bottom of the basement stairs. The last of my worries melted away and I found a little bit of enjoyment from her presence. Maybe I could get used to hanging out with Max.

“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out, sweetheart. That’s Will’s job.” I said matter-of-factly, finishing up with a big smirk.

“Ew gross! I don’t want to know about your sex life. Especially not since I’ve known Will since we were thirteen.”

“You’re lucky you got here before Will showed up to make sweet, beautiful love to me,” I pestered, getting all up in her face.

“You're full of shit, Richie! I know Will is seeing Jonathan this weekend.” She sat down on the couch and patted the seat beside her. It instantly felt stuffy and I tensed up again. “Hey, loosen up. Here, I have an idea.” She pulled off her backpack and dug around until she pulled out a small baggie. It was one I recognized to be from Eddie and his little stash, that I might’ve bought from a time or two in secret.

“I like where your head's at, Red.” Somehow I found the comfort to lay down with my head in her lap. It just felt natural. It felt like old times with Bev.

“Don’t call me that,” she said, aggressively pulling the curls that flared out across her legs.

“OW! Oh come on Max. I already call Bev Molly Ringwald, so that’s off the table. I don’t have much left on the whole redhead theme.” I gave her a sly wink.

“You really call her that?” She asked incredulously, before continuing. “And there’s plenty out there that I would appreciate you not to use, thank you. Max is just fine. Or Madmax is my game ID at the arcade. Speaking of, I’ve heard the word around town that you’re the one to beat at Street Fighter. There’s no good competition around here though. Well, besides me and you would totally get your ass handed to you if you tried.”

“Is that a challenge, Mayfield? Cause you’re messing with the wrong guy if so. I spent my entire life in the arcade playing that one,” I retorted, taking a long puff from the blunt we were sharing.

She snatched it out of my hand and took in a deep breath herself. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

A few beats passed as we casually switched the blunt between our hands, taking the time to let it all kick in. “So,” I drabbled out. “What’s got you over at the humble abode today? Not that I’m not enjoying your mighty fine company and this beauty right here. Just riddle me with curiosity.”

She sat there for a minute, really seeming to think of the best words to say and the weed was definitely clouding her judgment. Maybe that was her plan all along. “I really thought we could be friends, you know. I listened to you a while back and I wanted you to know that I can understand where you are coming from. I thought I could share my own story with you. I mean, I know you know about all of the Upside Down shit, but like the real shit too. Not that the Upside Down isn’t real, I just mean—” I could tell she was nervous too. The weed was absolutely necessary for this talk. I cut her off before she could embarrass herself anymore, though I get the feeling she’s not one to actually get embarrassed easily.

“I know what you mean. When you’ve seen shit like that, it makes the real world problems seem so minute. But they still affect you in big ways.” I could feel her hands carding through my curls as I assured her.

Before she could say anything else, the basement door flung open and uncoordinated feet clambered down the stairs. I figure it was Mike, but I couldn’t even see who it was yet by the time he started talking. “Why the fuck does it smell like weed down here Richie?” And then he hit the bottom step and looked straight over at us. A wave of confused emotions rolled over his face as he cocked his head to the side. “Oh hi Max, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah, I mean I knocked on the door, Wheeler. No need to get so antsy. Damn, am I going to have to give you weed too?” She couldn’t stop her laugh from slipping out which caused me to follow suit.

“He’s been so uptight all morning, but you are not giving him weed.”

“What the hell! You’re literally smoking it right now and you say I can’t have any. That’s the most hypocrit—”

“Mikey, I’ve been smoking this shit for years. It’s nothing new. I’m not going to let you though. It’s not good for those pretty vocals of yours.”

“I’ve smoked weed before you dipshit.” I sat up quickly to face him, trying to read the thoughts that were crossing his mind. “With Troy,” he added in for damage control.

“Mike—”

“And alone once. At the prom party. I kinda remember now.” Seeing I was starting to stand up, he quickly backed away and nervously said, “Well, ummm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know I am out back if you get to looking for me.” After a beat, he added, “with Elijah.” And he took off running up the stairs and slammed the door shut behind him.

I laid right back where I was before with a shit eating grin on my face, looking up at Max who couldn’t stop laughing. “You really scared him.”

“It’s so funny cause I already knew he smoked. Eddie would always feel guilty when he sold to him and would tell me before the night was even over. I really don’t care. I just like to mess with him.”

“Pure evil, Richard. Anyone who hates on Mike is a friend of mine.”

“It’s my job as his older brother, but don’t tell him I said that. He still argues that we don’t know who’s older. It’s my self-proclaimed role though.”

After our laughs eventually died down, Max’s tone shifted a bit more serious. “How are you doing? Like since the last time we talked, are things better?”

“Things with Will are much better. I mean, I know it might be a bit cliché and all, but I really do feel like he is the one for me, Max. I just hope I never hurt him. I don’t know what I would do to myself if I ever did. The times I have were so painful.”

“If it helps, I agree. You two are meant for each other. Quite literally couple goals if I do say so myself.”

“Maxwell, you have a boyfriend yourself.” But the look that flashed over her eyes seemed to denote something scared her about that statement.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“How did you know you were attracted to Will when you loved Eddie?” I slowly sat up, never taking my eyes off of her. I put the blunt out in a can of soda, scared of what might happen to it in the heat of the conversation that seemed to be in the horizon. I would worry about the party foul later.

“Is this just something you want to know or is this advice?” I asked a bit more uneasily, kicking myself for not being a bit more open to what she was trying to insinuate. She gave me a very nervous look that told me everything I needed to know.

“You can find people attractive no matter what your relationship status is,” I gave a little laugh trying to lighten the mood. “What you choose to do about that attraction is a slightly different topic. I did love Eddie and Eddie loved me back, but nothing was going to come from it. There weren’t any strings pulling me away from falling in love with Will. Are you attracted to someone else even though you are in love with Lucas?” She nodded very slowly and the grimace on her face told me I needed to correct some words. “That’s not to say that you can’t pull against those strings with Lucas if that’s something you want. You can pursue both. There’s no one to stop you from doing that, Max. But I would suggest you talk with him to see if he’s okay with loosening the tension on those strings. Remember how you made me and Will actually communicate our feelings? You have to do that too. You never know, he might be okay with it. If you want it, be brave.”

“But Lucas has been so perfect. I just don’t want to mess up something that’s perfect for someone that I don’t even know feels the same way about me. I mean, she hasn’t even dated anyone in a while now.” My grin widened as I looked up to her and saw the expression she made when she realized what she just let slip. “Shut up,” she said, smushing her hand over my face.

“I didn’t say a word Maxine, but if I was going to, I would tell you that I really think you have a chance. The way she looks at you is like you hung the moon. I mean she acts like you are the coolest person in the world and sometimes she stares a little too long, if you know what I mean.”

“You didn’t question the whole she thing?”

“Max, I am a gay man and I quite honestly figured if you are hanging around this group, then you were the slightest bit fruity. I mean look at us.” She shoved my shoulder, but her smile was clear as day. “I’m proud of you for figuring that out, you know. I’m kidding on the whole fruity thing, though the thought does still kind of stand. Be brave. Now tell me this completely depressing backstory of yours. Five bucks if it’s worse than mine.”

“So I guess I should start out by saying, I’m not really from Hawkins. I moved here when I was thirteen from California when my mom got remarried. That meant living with my abusive step-dad and Billy.”

“Billy? I haven’t met him.”

She got a bit choked up on her words. “He ummm, well you h-haven’t met him b-because he died the summer after we moved here. He got flayed by the mind flayer and then he sacrificed himself to save El.”

“Oh Max, I am so sorry.” I wrapped her in a hug as I felt the tears hit my arms.

“It’s okay. You didn’t know. I told you I would tell you my story and that’s part of it.”

“What was he like?” I asked, gently.

“Oh he was an ass,” she was laughing through the tears. “He was your average annoying older brother. Always bossing me around, treating me like shit, a bit controlling, and way rougher than he should’ve been with a thirteen year old girl. I hated him. But it’s one of those things where you don’t know how much you really love them until they're gone.”

“Was your step-dad ever abusive to you?”

“Only when Billy wasn’t around for him to get his hands on first. Billy made sure of that. He hated those beatings, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to let me take them.”

“Is he still around?”

“No, gladly. He ditched us the moment he found out Billy was gone. Mom and I haven’t ever really recovered.”

“I am so sorry.”

“I was miserable for a long time. I blamed myself for Billy’s death. He was in the middle of all of this because of me.”

“You never know what he was doing the night he got flayed. You know it’s not your fault. And sacrificing himself was his own choice.”

“I know that now. But for a while, it really stuck with me. I was in therapy for it all. I pushed everyone away. It’s how Vecna was able to target me. Richie, I was so close to dying. Seconds away, had Lucas not saved me.”

I didn’t want words to ruin the moment. All I could do was reach my hand into my pocket and pull out my wallet and the five dollar bill I had promised her.

“What the hell is this for?” Refusing to take the money.

“You one upped me on the whole dead brother thing. I promised you five bucks if yours was worse than mine. I’m a man of my word.”

“I don’t want your money, Richie. I just want someone I can talk to who knows what I’ve been through. The others are great and all, but you really understand me.”

“You know we are going to fight like cats if you are trying to make this whole best friends thing official right? Our personalities clash pretty hard, but I guess that’s what makes it fun. Just know you will never replace my queen, Beverly. But you can fill that Beverly-shaped hole in my heart.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that.” I couldn’t wipe the smug grin off of my face, but she beat me to it. “Don’t you dare even say what I know you’re thinking. You’re disgusting.” But her voice had no bite to it.

“Best friends?” I asked, sticking my hand out for her to shake. She firmly grabbed it and shook it one good time.

“Best friends.”

Chapter Text

Afraid to Move Forward

Mike's POV

My fingers continued to strum over the chords in hopes that the noise would drown out the voices that were wreaking havoc in my brain. I could already tell it was going to be a bad day mentally and I just wanted to turn it all off. I wanted to flip that switch and disconnect so I didn’t have to listen to them anymore and hear all the negative shit they kept whispering in my mind. But I knew that was dangerous. The fact that they are there and bothering me so much means that I’m feeling something. And I was doing so well. It had been weeks since my last bad day. I couldn’t go back to how it was right after I lost Troy. I can’t be that person; or the lack thereof. Never again.

So I repeated that same song song over and over and gave some stupid excuse to Richie that I had to keep practicing. I knew I could play this one with my eyes closed. I didn’t need the practice, just the distraction. I couldn’t talk to Richie about this. He thinks everything is better. I made him believe everything was better. And I am better. Truly. But, better doesn't mean good. 

But I have to keep up appearances for him. I can’t let him see that I’m still struggling because then he would worry about me again. I love him to death and I know it’s only because he cares, but he can be worse than a helicopter parent sometimes. If he hovered any closer, he’d chop my damn head off. 

I knew the music was annoying him though. I could see it on his face. He wasn’t going to tell me off, but he made it pretty clear. I was honestly glad when he left to answer the door. It gave me a chance to breathe. Though it still felt like a weight was laying on my chest. The only thing worse than having an onset panic attack is trying to hide one.

I could distantly hear voices, but I couldn’t be bothered to attempt to figure out who was downstairs. All I knew is that this wasn’t working and I had to find a better solution, fast. My eyes wandered around the room, trying to take everything in, hoping it would keep me grounded. That’s when I spotted it. The small piece of paper that was tucked under the base of my lamp. Elijah’s number. I never knew when I would need it, but now seems like a pretty good time. He was the only one that actually listened. The only one that let me fully open up. At that point, I was willing to try anything.

I quickly shoved the piece of paper into my pocket and snuck down the hall to Nancy’s room, hoping to be able to use the phone she kept in there. I didn’t want to go downstairs and join in on Richie’s little conversation with whoever was at the door. I also didn’t want to catch Richie’s attention and he realize something was really wrong.

The line rang for several minutes and I was beginning to think no one was home or they were extremely busy. But after about five rings, someone finally picks up. “Martin residence.” This voice sounded annoyed and they didn’t even know I was the one calling. Do they always answer the phone like this? This annoyed voice definitely didn’t belong to Elijah.

This was a pretty major flaw in my poorly thought out plan. Gareth. I really don’t know what I did to make him hate me so much. I mean, we were friends for the longest time. Or I could at least say acquaintances. I mean, yes – I was the annoying little freshman that joined their club when they first met me. But I would like to say we all grew to enjoy each others’ presence. But ever since that night he brought Elijah to Hellfire, he’s had it out for me.

“Gareth?” I asked timidly, just to make sure. Every single nerve could be heard in my voice and I inwardly cringed at what he must be thinking because of it.

“Wheeler, is that you?” He huffed incredulously through the line. “Why are you calling my house? How do you have the number to my house?” There seemed to be a bit of a shuffle and some muffled words that I couldn’t make out. By the tone of it all, it seemed like someone was arguing with him. Suddenly, the muffling cleared up and I could hear the tiniest of breaths. Whoever was now on the line seemed to be taking a second to calm themself down.

After a beat, a calmer voice started in. “Mike, is everything alright?” I couldn’t help the smile that was fighting its way onto my face. The tiniest hint of blush creeping up with it.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” I asked sarcastically, but it lacked any real harm. “Sounded like a rough fight.”

“Gareth was just being Gareth. He was mad at me for making him answer the phone. And then he was even more mad when I actually wanted to talk.” He was starting to ramble on, barely taking any breaths between his words. But me? My breath hitched in my throat at what he was implying. Elijah wanted to talk to me?

“I can see a bit of the frustration he might have. What made you change your mind so fast?” Though it came out in a very teasing manner, I was scared to hear his answer. Once those words were out, there was no taking them back. Just like always, my big mouth spoke before the thoughts had time to run their course through the filter in my head.

“Because he said your name.” There it is. Everything started crashing down again. The little high I got from hearing his voice was clouded over. His words were laced with a flirty notion that terrified me to my core. To say I wasn’t excited to talk to him and hear his voice would be a blatant lie. But to accept that these feelings were actually happening would be delusional. Not again. Not this soon. Probably not ever. I couldn’t let myself get hurt again. 

Sensing the quietness that conspired between us, Elijah shifted around uncomfortably, rustling around with the phone. I could tell he was getting worried that I didn’t reply, but I just didn’t have the words anymore. I couldn’t force them out if I tried. The moment he said it, everything left and I felt hollow again. “Mike, are you okay?” I could almost hear the way he was tearing up in his voice.

“No, umm—” I was struggling to find the words. I could hear the softest of ohs on the other end of the line. It wasn’t meant for me to hear. Elijah’s ego immediately deflated like someone popped it with a needle. That someone was me and I was definitely fucking everything up. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like that.” I was quick to try and save this, whatever this was. “I’m sorry. It’s been a bad morning mentally, if you know what I mean. That’s actually why I called.” 

“Oh.” This one was much more clear and definitely meant for me to hear. I could feel the drag and pull that he was experiencing and internally cursed myself. “You’re sending me a lot of mixed signals here.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just— can you come over?” What started out as a mumble, jumped up a few octaves at the thought of being around him. Maybe if I couldn’t talk about it, just being around him could help. But that was a double-edged sword that I was just hoping I could dodge.

“Umm, sure. Give me like ten minutes.” I could already hear him shuffling around to get ready and the tiniest hint of a smile snagged across the corners of my mouth. And almost like it was an afterthought, the receiver finally clicked and he was gone. Ten minutes. 

As the minutes started to tick away, I found my body moving closer and closer to the door in anticipation. I was like a magnet being drawn in closer and closer. After first it was just the top of the stairs. Then I got antsy and moved down a few steps and so on and so forth. Finally, it got to the point where I was sitting on the couch closest to the front door in the living room by the time I heard him knock. I stood up at an embarrassingly alarming rate. One I was very glad no one had the pleasure of witnessing for my own sake.

I stood with my hand on the doorknob for a few seconds, taking in a deep breath. Here goes everything. Hever goes nothing. Here goes whatever this is. I just hope that whatever this is fixes something because this is just about the last option I have.

But the moment I opened up the door, everything went to shit. Every once of me that wanted this to be absolutely nothing, simply melted away. I was left with the raw emotions and no filter to hide behind. And the cocky bastard knew it too. The moment he saw my face, he painted on the most sly smile I have ever seen. It left me blushing and blubbering like an idiot.

“H-hi Elijah,” I managed to get out, though it was quite literally forced. But his response wasn’t words. It would never be that easy. His response was to pull me into one of the most soul shattering hugs I have ever felt. It ran a tough fight with Richie’s. Though I still managed to feel every single muscle in my body tense at the touch, leaving us frozen together in the awkward moment that neither of us were willing to admit was both scary and exhilarating. Everyone ounce of my being fighting against what my brain wants, what my heart wants, and what I can physically handle. I felt like I was being tugged in too many directions to count to the point I was at a standstill. Everything around me was moving and tugging, but I couldn’t escape.

“Are you okay?” He whispered into my ear. His words held the weight of the world with all of their meanings. Nothing about any of this is okay. It should be. I want to be able to acknowledge these feelings. But that would require me to let down the veil of protection I have been painstakingly building since the day I lost Troy. And that’s a gamble, I can’t let myself make.

“No.” My voice was so soft, it could have been mistaken for a breath. But it couldn’t slip by him. He’s always been a listener. It’s what I admire about him. It’s why I asked him to come over in the first place.

He offered a soft smile. His taunting attitude was fading away as he realized just how much I needed his ears. “Come on. Let’s go get some air and talk about it. You’ve been cramped up in this stuffy house all day, haven’t you?” It was as if his words allowed me to finally feel how cramped I really was. It was borderline claustrophobic and I’m really not sure how I lasted that long without noticing it myself.

I gave a quick nod and he reached out for my hand slowly, testing the waters between us. The adam’s apple in my throat bobbed as I swallowed in anticipation, though I never put a stop to the action. Once his hand was firmly wrapped around my own, he gently tugged me off towards the back door. His demeanor seemed just as timid as I was in this situation. We were almost to the door when I realized something… 

Where the hell is Richie?

“Wait!” I said a bit too abruptly. Elijah stilled faster than I would’ve expected, eyes wide in surprise and confusion. He was afraid he did something wrong. 

I cursed myself under my breath again. Fucking idiot. Stop ruining everything. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I just realized I need to tell Richie. He still thinks I’m up in our room. If he comes looking for me and I’m not there then he will get worried.” What went unsaid was why that would worry him. Though there was a pretty long list of reasons, most of which I wasn’t comfortable bringing up to Elijah any time soon, if ever. Many dealing with the perks of Hawkins very own Upside Down. Others dealing with my mental health and Richie’s fear that I could quite literally off myself at any moment. But for the most part, those two go pretty hand in hand.

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Mike. Go talk to him and I’ll be right here waiting.” His voice was so gentle and welcoming. It took everything I had to calm the butterfly erupting in my stomach. I gave him a tiny smile. It was all I could allow to get past my front I had up. Then I dropped his hand and headed down the steps to the basement.

It was a bit of deductive reasoning on where he might be. I mean, he wasn’t in our room and downstairs seemed to be pretty barren. That only left the basement. And my theory was proven right before I even took a step down. The moment the door opened, I was hit with a familiar reek. One I know would get us both killed if it lingered long enough for our parents to smell it when they come home. That little shit.

I started jogging down the stairs, just hoping he would have some kind of explanation. He bans Eddie from selling to me. I swear if he’s smoking it… he’s a fucking hypocrite.

I didn’t even make it halfway down the stairs before I had to ask. It was becoming way too obvious the closer I got, but I had to hear the words come from his mouth. “Why the fuck does it smell like weed down here Richie?” But the moment I made the clearing and looked over to the couch, I saw him lying in Max’s lap. It’s like every switch that makes my brain work properly shut off all at once and I was left with nothing but a blank stare. Their giddy, high smiles taunting my inability to comprehend the situation in front of me. 

Fuck.

Max gave me one of her little sarcastic side glances. It was all it took for me to come up with something to make it not so awkward. They weren’t awkward. Of course not. They are way too high to be awkward. And from the looks of their position, they didn’t need the weed for that to happen anyways. “Oh hi Max. I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah, I mean I knocked on the door, Wheeler. No need to get so antsy. Damn, am I going to have to give you weed too?” Max couldn’t help but to start laughing, thinking her own little comment was comedic genius. Apparently, standards are lowered when you are high because Richie joined right in, their combined laughing becoming uncontrollable.

“He’s been so uptight all morning, but you are not giving him weed.” Richie manages to cough out through his laughter.

“What the hell! You’re literally smoking it right now! And you say I can’t have any? That’s the most hypocri—” I couldn’t even finish my angry spout because he interrupted me.

“Mikey, I’ve been smoking this shit for years. It’s nothing new. I’m not going to let you though. It’s not good for those pretty vocals of yours.”

“Tell that to Steven Tyler and Ozzy Osbourne! Also, I’ve smoked weed before you dipshit.” It kind of just slipped out. I didn’t mean for it to, but now that it’s out in the open, I could feel Richie’s judgemental stare. He shifts on the couch quickly so that he’s facing me. It almost felt like he knew and he was taunting me with the little secret I let slip, but his face was taught trying to read every little emotion I was thinking through his high. “With Troy,” I added in for damage control. As if it wouldn’t make matters worse for me.

“Mike—”

Once I started, I couldn’t stop. The secrets of my weed smoking adventures were spilling out of me like bile leaking from my stomach, burning the inside of my mouth and begging to come out. “And alone once. At the prom party. I kinda remember now.” Seeing him starting to stand up, I quickly backed away and nervously said, “Well, ummm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know I am out back if you get to looking for me.” After a beat, still unable to control my words, I added, “with Elijah.” And I took off running up the stairs and slammed the door shut behind me, not able to get out of there fast enough. 

My back hit the door and I was breathing heavily. Elijah gave me a bewildered look, prying for an explanation without actually asking. “I never know when to shut my damn mouth,” I huffed a little laugh, trying to make light of the situation even though I was scared to my core about how easily the words escaped. 

“That’s not always a bad thing you know. It’s good to be able to speak your mind.” I knew he was trying to be comforting, but sometimes you just have to know the context. And that’s something he lacked at this point. Speaking this type of mind was never good.

“Not when you unintentionally blab to your brother about your endeavors of smoking weed. Every single occasion. And who you were with.” The look on Elijah’s face when I said that was nothing short of comical. He couldn’t stop laughing. Was I just making a big deal out of nothing? Was it really that funny? It sure didn't feel funny. It quite honestly felt sickening.

“You’re too uptight, Mike.” He stretched his hand out and laid it on my shoulder as if to tell me his words had no meanness laced within. “You need to learn how to live a little. Clearly Richie is. Shit, I could smell the weed from up here. You don’t have to worry about what he thinks. All that matters is what you think.” 

And with that, he grabbed my hand again and led me outside. Though this time the anxiety of his touch never rose. All that matters is what you think. But what if your biggest enemy is yourself? What if the biggest battle you are fighting is within? A fight for what you want versus what is actually good for you. And what if these things are actually the same thing? Am I fighting a losing battle? If both sides are winners, then they are also both losers. When both things you are fighting for are right, the only one you end up hurting is yourself. So what do I think?

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt my ass hit the ground. Elijah had pulled me down to sit beside him underneath the big tree in our backyard. “Earth to Mike? Are you with us?” His words filtered through with the tiniest of laughs, like he was unsure if he should joke or not.

“I’m sorry. I’m here, I promise. I just zoned out for a bit.” I wasn’t sure if I was just siking myself out, but I almost seemed breathless with my response.

“We all have those days sometimes. Do you want to talk about it? That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?” I nodded quickly and furrowed my brow, trying to figure out the best way to start this. The weight of this conversation could possibly break everything. To say any of this out loud makes it real and I’m scared of that. But then again, the anchor is pulling me down farther and farther and I can feel myself slowly drowning with the internal feelings. It needs to be coughed up.

“It was a— umm, a…” I took a deep breath and Elijah nodded, trying to reassure me. “I’m really struggling with Troy today. It started this morning and it just won’t go away.” I exhaled, already starting to feel the weight coming off, even if it was just the tiniest of dumbbells.

“Is it okay if I ask you how you were struggling? I don’t want to prod, but I can see that just that made you feel better.”

“I feel like I’m stuck. Like, I know he’s gone. I know he’s not coming back. I’ve accepted that. But, I feel like his hand is gripping the back of my shirt and not letting me run away.” I dared to meet his eyes after I finished my words and I saw the slightest of shifts as he was comprehending what I had said.

“Well, there’s a few things to unpack with that one. Are you comfortable with this? With me asking you about these things. I know it can be hard.”

“Yes,” I answered, exhaustingly. “I asked you to come over to talk. You might have to beat the words out of me, but I know I need to say it.” 

He gave a laugh before continuing. “Why does it feel like you are running away from Troy, per say?”

“I know he might’ve been fucked up and a bully to literally everyone, and the fact that we even were together was probably absurd, but… he was the person that taught me how to love . Of all people. When I got to see the person that was hidden away under all those layers of anger and trauma? I guess I saw that no one is beyond redeeming. Well, except maybe Hitler.” We both chuckled a little at that. “But the worst part is, I didn’t even realize what it was until he was gone. So now I’m scared to feel that way again. Because when I felt love, I also felt pain. And that pain was unbearable.” His face went ghost white and I just knew I fucked up again. No matter how much I didn’t want to admit that these feelings did exist. No matter how bad I wanted them to not be real. The thought of hurting him trumped it all.

He stuttered a little bit, trying to find out where he stood in the matter. “But— it’s not that you don’t want to feel that way again, it’s that he’s holding you back from feeling this way?” It’s like every puzzle piece shifted together. The picture was finally clear. He could see the realization in my eyes too. That goofy grin of his was back and everything felt like it shifted into a much more comfortable territory between us.

“Yes,” I responded sincerely, as if it even needed to be said after that reaction. Within a matter of seconds, he was on his feet again with his arm outstretched. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“You aren’t going to run away anymore. You are going to run towards, and that starts with the source,” he said matter-of-factly.

“The source?”

“I really do listen, you know. That night at the party, you said it was your first night out of the house. You didn’t go to his funeral, which means you never said goodbye. Of course he still has a hold on you. There’s unfinished business there.” We were moving quickly now, almost out of the back gate and my heartbeat was increasing. We were really doing this? 

“You’re taking me to go see him?” It took everything I had to keep the overwhelming mix of emotions I had on the situation inside.

“Not to just see him. You are going to talk to him. That’s who you really need to listen right now. And then at the end of it all, you’re going to say goodbye.” He seemed to be as happy as ever with the idea he came up with. I was trying to not have an anxiety attack. I would have to see his grave. I would have to talk to someone who couldn’t respond. And then I would have to say goodbye? 

“I have to say goodbye?” There was a tightening in my chest that I couldn’t explain. Saying I accepted this and really meaning it were two different things. Goodbyes are real. That’s why I never said goodbye when Troy broke up with me. That’s why I haven’t gone to see him yet. It all made it too real.

“You can always go see him again. It’s more of a metaphorical thing. You are cutting the ties that are keeping you from moving on. From getting better. The things that are stopping you from being you, Mike.” That was all that was left for me to do. I had to truly accept it if I wanted to move on.

Elijah gave me a gentle pat on the knee from the driver’s seat when we pulled into Hawkins Cemetery. He was here for mental support, but that was as far as it would take him. The rest was up to me. I took a deep breath and unbuckled my seat belt. 

I found his grave near the back, away from everyone else, once again being separated. His words karma is a bitch rang through my head and I shuttered, trying to stifle back my tears at the thought. I sat right in front of his tombstone and took a minute to read it. It didn’t take long though. It lacked anything more than his name, birthday, and the day he died. No here lies a loving son, friend, etc. It was all bullshit. No one would ever know the real him. He kept it locked in a box for eighteen years. I was the only one that had a key and the moment I opened it and let his light shine out into the world, it ate him whole. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

“Hi T,” I choked out between the silent sobs. “I miss you. I know it might not feel like it since I haven’t come to see you, but you’re all I ever think about.” I tried to stay calm. I wanted to be good, but what I didn't realize was it was the anger that was holding me back. “Why did you fucking do it? Why would you do this to me? Fuck what the world thinks Troy. Fuck them all. But don’t fuck me over. Don’t fuck over the only person who cared. Fucking shit. This is why I didn’t want to do this. But you know what, you were the one that put me in this situation. You’re the one that gave me two choices: either lose you and just fucking get over it or lose you and kill myself mentally. And I’m the idiot that has given you the satisfaction of following in your footsteps ever since the day you left. I have been killing myself this whole time without even knowing it. I’m hurting myself over and over because I felt like I couldn’t be happy without you. But that’s the biggest lie of it all isn’t it?”

I slammed my fists into the ground and looked up to the sky at whatever being wished this upon me. Whatever cruel being thought that I could handle this shit. “Fuck! It was all a lie, Troy. We were never meant to be together. It just wouldn’t have worked. We are way too different. You fucking bullied the shit out of me for years. But the moment I was shown even the slightest bit of affection, hell it wasn’t even affection, I was just fucking desperate at first. But god, the moment you sunk your claws into me, I knew I was in for shit. Out of all these things you did to me growing up, nothing could ever top your most elaborate prank of all. Making me love you. So fuck you. This is goodbye.”

The walk back to the car was bone chilling, but I felt the most free I had in a really long time. But maybe those two things meant the same thing. Maybe with this newfound, true acceptance, I could finally feel all of my senses again. Maybe, just maybe, things would finally start to actually get better.

I tried to wipe my eyes as I climbed back into the passenger’s seat, but the evidence was too damning to even care. Every worry was washed away as Elijah pulled me into a hug. We sat there, embraced for what felt like an eternity, though it was an eternity that I could finally accept could be good for me.

“I’m proud of you,” he whispered into my ear with every bit of earnesty he could conjure up. This time I didn’t stop the smile that it brought to my face. It was the first real, full smile that I allowed myself to have.

“It really helped. Thank you for making me do that.”

“I know,” he said softly, though his cocky grin showed that there was a bit more behind those words.

“ You know? ” I asked, suspiciously.

“Your shoulders weren’t tense when you got in the car, jackass. Plus, you have a beautiful smile.” With that, the final weight dropped and I finally felt everything. Those feelings I’ve been trying to lock away tackled me like a whirlwind and I was doing all I could to stay afloat. It was a losing battle. But, I could finally admit, this was a battle worth losing. And if I fought hard enough, I might even be able to admit I was trying to lose the whole time.

Our drive back to my house was a comforting silence. No more words were needed for us to both read the air that transpired between us two in that car. Everything was requited. So instead, we sat there wordlessly, hand in hand, as one of the newest songs by The Smith’s played over the radio. Exhaustion was finally setting in from the immense amount of emotional whiplash I had felt and I knew for once I would sleep good.

Elijah put the car in park in the still empty driveway. There was a single, split second of awkwardness where we both stared at each other. Our eyes pleading with the other to make the first move. Any move. Neither wanting it to be over just yet, but both too scared to do anything about it. “Let me walk you to the door,” he said, turning off the engine and stepping out before I had the chance to even acknowledge what was happening. I was just lucky it was dark outside now so that I would have to worry about him catching the blush that erupted on my face. I could only hope the scarlet red color would die down a bit before we made it to the porch light.

“Thank you again. For everything.” Though the last part didn’t need to be said. Every bit of our exchange hinted at the parts I was most grateful for.

“No, thank you, Mike. Thank you for being strong enough to do this for yourself today. For me…” His voice got very quiet near the end and I barely heard the words, but it was just enough.

“For you?”

“Yeah, for me. Cause if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have finally been able to do this.” He gently moved his hand up to cup my cheek and his touch ignited every nerve in my body. My eyes flicked down to his lips as he secretly ran a sly tongue over them in preparation. I quickly shifted my eyes back up to meet his. Our eyes locked and I knew every bit of what was about to happen. His eyes were gleaming with what could only be known as a glint of happiness. It’s something I never wanted to see leave him. The anticipation was killing me as he moved slowly and my nervousness elongated the time. I was nearly to the point of surging forward to meet him more than halfway, but the sound of the front door made us jump away from each other quicker than we had even gotten into the position.

“Where the hell have you been, Mike?” His high from earlier was clearly gone. Whether he sobered up by time or worry, I still wasn’t sure.

“I’m going to go now. Bye Mike. Thank you for calling me.” Though his words were awkward and nervous, I was able to catch the millisecond of a wink he gave me before turning away and heading back to his car.

I walked in the house before attempting to continue the conversation. I didn’t need the entire neighborhood knowing where I was. 

“Elijah took me to see Troy’s grave,” I sighed. I didn’t want Richie to know I was still struggling, but I also needed him to know I really was okay now. He cocked his head to the side, waiting for further explanation. I took a deep breath, “I was having a bad day. I didn’t need to practice that song. I was trying to clear my head. But when that didn’t work, I called Elijah. This was his idea of helping me reach acceptance. And I think that I finally reached it tonight.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Mike?” His eyes pleaded right along with him. “I’m your brother.”

“I didn’t want to upset you. I didn’t want you to know I was still weak. I was trying to be strong for you—” I couldn’t even say another word, as my bones were being restricted in his embrace.

“Don’t ever feel like you have to be strong for me and don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to me about anything. I’m your brother, your built in best friend, though I know I will never top Will in that category. Please talk to me. I don’t like this thing we’ve been doing lately. I’m tired of being awkward around each other. I need my brother back.”

“I am back now. Fully me. Tonight was what it took. And I hated this thing between us too, by the way. I need my brother back too. I’m so sorry.” He squeezed me in tighter and I honestly couldn’t breathe until he let me go. “So I can really tell you anything?” I tried to make it sound as sincere as possible.

“Always,” he said, giving me the softest smile I have ever seen the boy wear.

“Even about the weed?” I asked, failing to hold back my laugh. And that sent us into a heavy laughing fit that drug us both to the ground.

Richie sat up after finally catching his breath. “You really didn’t know I already knew about that, dipshit? Eddie is actually scared of me for some reason. He tells me every time he sells to you.”

“Fucking snitch! I can’t believe he’s really that scared of you. It doesn’t even make any sense. You’re just a giant goofball.”

“Hey, fake it till you make it right?”

“No, I’m tired of faking it. I’m ready to just be me.” And I could see by the look on Richie’s face that he truly agreed that tonight did something for me. It did everything for me. He was proud. There would still be bad days, but I was no longer carrying the weight.

I was finally ready to be free and move on.

Chapter Text

Are You Happy to See Me?

Will's POV

To say that summer was my favorite time of year is an understatement. I find comfort in the summer. Well, it’s more comfort in the escape that summer provides, rather than the season itself. If we are being quite honest, the Upside Down ruined every season. It’s more the comfort in the ability to not have to hide every minute of every day, though I seem to not have to do that more and more nowadays anyway. Ever since the entire school found out, there hasn’t really been a need to hide. However, that just means that the awful words and crude stares never stop, whether I’m hiding or not. Nonetheless, summer with Richie is my favorite time of year. Where we can just be and that’s it.

But to say that I expected our summer to start off the way it did would be a blatant lie. 

The first day of summer started off as normal as you would expect. Richie was supposed to be coming over to hang out later. It had been a while since we were able to have a date night with just the two of us. Mom and Hop were both supposed to be working doubles today and wouldn’t be home until late. Jonathan was finishing off his finals at college. El almost permanently resides at Max’s during her free time nowadays. And Mike was off hanging out with Elijah, which is also becoming more and more common. That left Richie and I alone for once and we weren’t going to pass up the chance to take advantage of the opportunity. 

However, we all know that Richie is not a morning person. So that left me home alone, trying to pass the time until he made it over. I sat back on my bed with my sketch pad in my hands, attempting to sketch out some ideas for a painting. El’s birthday is coming up and she has been begging me to paint for her. Now, if only I could get a bit of inspiration.

I leaned over to my nightstand and turned on the small, yellow radio Jonathan had gotten me for me. It erupted with sound and I tuned over the channels until I found something that would get me into a creative mood. I stopped on one of my favorite channels as the radio host mentioned their first time playing a new song. The music buff in me just couldn’t resist. I sat with my back against the wall, eyes closed, and took in the lyrics.

Midnight, gettin’ uptight, where are you?
You said you’d meet me, now it’s a quarter to two
I know I’m hangin’ but I’m still wantin’ you

As the lyrics coursed through, I let my hand move along on its own, choosing the piece’s destiny without much of a second thought. 

Hey Jack, it’s the fact they’re talkin’ in town
I turn my back and you’re messin’ around
I’m not getting jealous, don’t like lookin’ like a clown

The abstract shapes started to fill the background. The funky shapes would pair excellent with the funky colors that El loves.

I think of you every night and day
You took my heart, and you took my pride away

I stilled for a moment, taking in the lyrics as they began to resonate with me in a way they probably weren’t intended to. I quickly shook my head to clear the thought and moved to the next page to start the sketch of El’s face which would lay on top of the abstract background.

I hate myself for loving you
Can’t break free from the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you
That’s why I hate myself for loving you

I quickly reached over and turned the radio back off, unwilling to think any longer about the lyrics that were now ringing through my head. The lyrics that mocked me. The lyrics that were so clearly written as a testament to the love of a significant other, but would now forever remind me of a completely different love.

As the smallest of tears started to run down my cheek, I distantly heard the phone ringing down the hall. Shit. Perfect timing. However, I quickly wiped my eyes and I couldn’t help the way my heart swelled with the person I expected to be on the other end of the line. Richie must have finally woken up and was making sure now was a good time to come over. I could barely contain the giddiness that was now surging through my body.

I made it to the phone by the fourth ring and the whiplash of emotions I was already feeling, didn’t stop there because Richie most definitely wasn’t the person on the other end of the line. Or so help me god if he was.

INDIANA DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS. DO YOU ACCEPT THIS CALL?

My heart froze while my mind was racing, trying to figure out who the fuck would be calling my house form jail. I took a deep breath and tried to steady my skating hands that were gripping the phone until my knuckles were white.

“Yes.” It was all I could manage to choke out, and even that was barely audible.

“Hello,” a sheepish voice said. It was a tone I had never heard come from that voice and it sent a chill down my spine. 

“Dad? Are you okay?” I was internally cursing myself for seeming like I cared so much. I shouldn’t care for this man that beat and abused me for years. This man that ran away from his family. This man cared more about the alcohol than he ever did another person. But I just couldn’t help myself. The lyrics from the song that played earlier scream in my head, mocking my every move. 

“Will? Oh god, son. I’m so glad it’s you that picked up. I was hoping not to catch your mom or brother, but desperate times call for desperate measures.” The false sound of his relief rang through me, ringing every alarm I would possibly need to walk away. But I was always foolish to feel like I needed to earn his love. That love I so desperately craved even though time and time again, he proved he was incapable of showing that love to anyone. But more than anything, I was foolish for still loving him after everything he has done and that’s what ultimately anchored me to the phone, unable to hang up.

“What happened, dad? What can I do?” I could almost see him perking up at my words and I just curled more into myself. Another round of Will being a human doormat and putting everyone above myself. I just knew it would lead to another unreturnable favor.

“We can talk more about what happened later, son. I don’t have much time. All I can tell you is that I need a little bail.”

“Bail? Dad, you know we don’t have that kind of money. Especially after you left.” I knew it was a bit of a low blow, but all things considering, he deserved it. Who the hell does he think he is? Where the fuck did he expect me to get that kind of money?

“I’m not asking you to use your damn college fund or anything.” I scoffed at the actual thought that he believed we even had that saved up. “I already have the money covered, I just need help getting it.” 

What kind of shady shit is he about to put me through? “Dad…” I said, warningly.

“Mr. Frost is a very nice guy, Will. He’s already aware of the situation. You just have to get the money from him at my house and bring it up to the station. Nothing more, nothing less. I promise.” It wouldn’t be the first promise he has ever broken. Multiple years of missed birthdays, multiple forgotten meetings, sometimes even months of no contact. But he always comes crawling back anytime he needs anything.

“Why can’t this Mr. Frost bring it himself?” How could he not expect me to ask? The entire situation felt way too shady and rightfully so.

“He just can’t. I don’t have the time to explain. The guards are asking me to end the call. Please son. I need your help.” I could hear the desperation in his voice and despite everything he’s ever done to me, it broke a part of my heart to listen to. “Okay, okay. I’m hanging up!” He seemed to be yelling back at the guards, by his almost distant tone even though he was yelling so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear. He turned back and added in a short, “I love you son,” before the line went dead.

Whether it was those last three words I had rarely heard him say, or my own unfailing love for him, I’m not sure. But something in me decided to go against every gut feeling I had to help him out.

I ran back to my room to grab my wallet and car keys off the top of my dresser, quickly stuffing them into the front pocket of my jeans, before running to the front door. Making it all the way to Indianapolis to do all of this and make it home by dark would definitely be a hard task, but I wasn’t left with many options. That’s when my mind shifted to mom and Hop. Shit. What if I’m not here when they get back home. I huffed and ran back to my room scribbling a little note.

Hey Mom, I had to run an errand in Indianapolis. I should be home tonight.

I knew it was going to get me into so much shit if I didn’t get back before she or Hop made it home. No one just runs to Indianapolis on a whim. That’s over an hour long drive one way. At least it would give me the time to come up with an excuse in case I don’t make it back in time.

I threw open the front door and came face to face with a very startled Richie. His hand was raised as if he was seconds away from knocking on the door before I plowed into him. “Well, I’m excited to see you too, Will. A simple hello would have been sufficient though,” he said with a weary chuckle. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“Oh, um hi Rich.” I couldn’t push down the nerves that were speeding my heart up faster than I could handle. “I um— I shit.” How am I supposed to just tell him this?

“Woah, Will. What's up with you?” He reached a steady hand up to rest on my shoulder, feeling for himself just how jittery I was.

“I have to go to Indianapolis,” I huffed out, though all of my words seemed to run together as it came out in a single breath.

“Indianapolis? What the hell for?” He didn’t seem nearly as mad as he was concerned about the sudden change of plans and he had every right to be.

“I really don’t have time to explain, Rich. I have to try to make it back by dark so my mom doesn’t flip.” I tried walking past him, but he grabbed onto my wrist and slowly turned me back towards him.

“So you're telling me you have last minute plans to Indy that your mother has no knowledge of and you don’t have time to explain what’s going on. Yep, nothing weird about that whatsoever.”

“Look, I know it sounds shady as fuck and I would tell you. I will tell you. I just don’t have the time. I should have left the moment I got off the call.”

Richie raises a very intrigued brow. “Ok, now this is getting interesting. And who, may I ask, is calling on my beloved William and trying to whisk him away to Indianapolis?” He pauses, making a thoughtful face before declaring, “You know what? You’re just going to explain it to me on the way. Whatever you suddenly got going on, You are not doing it on your own.”

I took a deep breath, not really wanting to drag Richie into this mess, but I didn’t have time to argue and I knew he was too stubborn to just drop it for a few hours. “Fine, but we have to go now.” He took a side step, gesturing me to lead the way in his usual goofy manner but I didn't miss the way he was giving me a cautious eye before following me to my car. 

We both got in and he grabbed my hand, trying to offer the slightest bit of comfort as my shaking hands attempted to put the keys in the ignition. Richie’s eyes were laced with worry at the sight and it took everything in me not to break down right there.

The radio boomed to life at the loud volume it was on from the previous night’s drive, causing me to jump before I realized the lyrics that started taunting me.

Daylight, spent the night without you
But I’ve been dreamin’ ‘bout the lovin’ you do
I’m over being angry ‘bout the hell you put me through

Fuck that. I slammed my hand against the radio to turn it off and threw my head back against the headrest. Richie attempted to chuckle, but immediately aborted when he saw the distressed look on my face. He quickly moved to wrap his arm around me and tugged me closer into his chest until I felt the prickle of tears attempting to escape. All I could do is cling to him and wish it would all just go away.

“Do you want me to drive?” Richie whispered in my ear after giving me a few minutes to compose myself. “I can’t have you all freaked out behind the wheel. This is clearly very hard on you.” His whispered tones were more comfort than his welcoming arms and it was hard not to just want to sit there unmoving forever.

“You don’t even know where we are going,” I replied, incredulously.

“There’s this new thing called giving directions, William,” he deadpanned, sounding suspiciously like…

I let out a loud groan. “Oh god, you’re adopting your dad's sense of humor.”

He gave me the goofiest grin I have ever seen. “Hey, sometimes a dry sense of humor is just what the doctor ordered. That, and a prostate exam.” And I couldn't help the snort that escaped me as I reached over and smacked him, finding it impossible to bite back the smile it gave me. “Come on. Up and out!” He was already walking around the car and opening up my door before I had a chance to acknowledge that he even moved.

After we both got settled into our new seating arrangements, Richie started to back out of the driveway. His exhilarated look caught my eye. He knew what we were doing was going to be dangerous, and knowing Richie? He was reveling in it. But something else accompanied that look. I almost couldn’t put my finger on it. But it was determination. If I said that we had to do something, Richie would never second guess my word. He would whole-heartedly jump into any situation, especially ones like this that put me in danger. 

He deserved an explanation. Truthfully, I didn’t want to keep any of this from him. I want him to be in the seat next to me. I want him to give me the strength to actually be able to do this. I just don’t know how to put it all into words. I can’t explain why doing this is so important to me when I should hate the man who is begging for favors.

We were outside of Hawkins city limits before I said another word. There was complete and utter silence between us without the aid of the radio. I basically punched it off earlier and Richie was now too unsure of how I’d react to even attempt to turn back on. I was steadily opening my mouth and closing it again for miles, unsure of the best way to bring up such a dense conversation. Ultimately, I just spit it out. Tired of the constant stressing over words that would never sound right together. Words that would never actually be explainable. “It’s my dad.”

I could feel the way the car shifted as Richie lifted his foot off the gas, though he never stepped on the break. All of his attention turned towards me. “Okay…” he said carefully, testing the waters. “That’s… well, a development. Let’s get a bit more information there. Is he hurt? Maybe dying?”

“No,” I said, barely above a whisper. “He umm— he got arrested.”

“Shit.” Richie muttered under his breath. He took a deep breath and massaged the skin between his eyebrows, attempting to relieve the almost certain oncoming headache. “What did he do?”

“Don’t hate me, Rich.” I looked over at him with pleading eyes that only caused his shoulders to tense. “He wouldn’t tell me. He said he didn’t have time because the guards were waiting, but that he needed bail.”

“Where the fuck are you supposed to get bail?” Even with him living with the Wheeler family now, we both knew even they couldn’t afford bail on a limb. Now to explain the shady shit.

“That’s what I asked… He told me that I don’t have to pay it, I just have to deliver it.”

“What the fuck kind of scheme is your dad trying to pull this time, Will? You mean to tell me that he is sending his seventeen year old son to pick up enough money to bail him out of jail from some shady son of a bitch that can’t do it himself? Man is probably wanted and can’t show his face to the cops, Will!”

And I wasn’t entirely sure how much of a joke that theory was. But I just kept my mouth shut. I didn’t know what else to say. There’s no good explanation for any of it. All I managed to slip out is a sheepish, “his name is Mr. Frost.” And the eye roll Richie gave was damn near audible. 

After several unbearable minutes of silence, Richie finally spits out what he had been thinking. “You know I really don’t trust your dad, Will.”

“You’ve never met him,” I replied quietly, barely above a whisper. But I knew he was right. We couldn’t trust him.

He looked over at me with a look that screamed, really? 

And yeah… that was… weak.

He lets out a sigh. “I don’t have to meet him to know he treats you like shit. I’ve heard enough stories from you and Mike for me to be very well aware.” He was trying his hardest to stay calm, but it didn’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. He glanced over at me and gripped my thigh with his free hand.

“I can’t help it, Rich. I just want him to love me. I would do anything for him to love me. I just don’t know how to explain why because you are right, he has always treated me like shit.”

“You know I, of all people, understand you and you know this. I’m right here by your side. But just know that even when he doesn’t love you, I always will.”

***

We met Mr. Frost, or the man I at least assumed was him, at my father’s house. It looked abandoned and decrypted compared to the last time I visited. How could he manage to live like this? 

“I’m assuming you’re Will? You look just like your old man, son,” the man who stood in the front yard, surrounded by grown up grass, asked. He was wearing a slim, black suit and he towered way above me. Shit, he even towered over Richie . The looming built onto the intimidation factor and the fear of meeting this stranger. I slowly nodded, hoping not to do anything that could possibly get me into trouble. This man looked like someone you shouldn’t be messing around with. Richie was right, what is my dad doing sending his seventeen year old son to meet this guy? 

“He was happy it was me who answered .” I delusionally reminded myself

 “It’s a shame what happened. It’s a shame he was dumb enough to get caught,” Mr. Frost said as he grabbed the bag of money we were meeting him for out of his backseat. My entire body stiffened at his sudden movements and his words sent a quick chill down my spine.

“W-what d-did he do?” I could barely spit out the words.

“He didn’t tell you, kid?” He almost seemed surprised. Was it really not as bad as I thought it would be? He did say he was just stupid to get caught. 

Nonetheless, I shyly shook my head before adding in, “he said he didn’t have time to explain it over the phone.”

“He probably just didn’t want to talk in front of the guards. Real shit that could get him into. He got caught for fraud. He’s been struggling with money for a while as you can tell by this shithole.” I couldn’t manage to get a reaction out. This shithole used to be better than what we had before Hop and El moved in and before he let it all go to shit. Sensing a bit of confusion that I couldn’t keep from showing, he continued. “Once the bitch left him…” He met my eyes that started to glass over and Richie shot him a glare. “Woah kid, I meant the whore of a girlfriend he had, not your mother. That’s the only woman who ever had a chance of saving him. She’s a strong one for doing what she did for you boys though.”

“Y-you knew my mother?”

“You don’t know who I am, do you?” I shook my head and swallowed down the last little bit of fear I had. “It’s fine,” he waved off, “you were little the last time I saw you. I’m your father’s uncle, and your great uncle I guess. I'm his last of kin so I’m pretty much responsible for taking care of him when he pulls shit like this. But like I was saying, once the girlfriend left, the steady income stopped coming in and he did what he had to do. But he got caught and here we are owing more money than if he wouldn’t have actually paid the damn thing in the first place.” I slowly started nodding my head, trying to take in the rush of information that just came my way from the man who was both an open book and apparently my great uncle. “I’m sorry he dragged you into this shit too. Some of us are just stuck with bad apples. I’m just the one that’s been trying to help him so my name is on the shit list so that’s why I couldn’t bail him out myself. I really thought he would get Jon. You’re still a bit young aren’t you?”

“Seventeen, yeah. And Jon wouldn’t have given him the time of day,” I said with an exasperated laugh.

“I don’t blame him,” he replied almost sadly, before piping back up. “And who’s this you brought with you?”

“Oh this is Richie, my umm–” I gave a quick glance in his direction and all he gave in return was a shoulder shrug. “My friend.” Mr. Frost eyed back and forth between the two of us trying to read what caused the slight stall.

“Ah, I see,” he said gravely. “Well, while you're out and about. I’d suggest –” he gives Riches an assessing once over “– you and your ‘friend’ keep a low profile.” I squeezed my eyes impossibly tight and nodded slowly.

Richie, however, is immediately triggered by the subtle accusation.  “What the hell is that supposed –”

“Just friendly advice. As a favor to Will’s mother,” Mr. Frost cuts in. I crack my eyes open, peeking back up at him and finding that he’s cut his gaze back to me. His eyes have a distant coldness to them that hadn't been there earlier. 

“We probably should get going. We have to make it back to Hawkins before it gets dark and I’m not sure how long it will take at the station,” Richie speaks up, teeth and fist clenched in anger.

“Good idea, kid. I’ll let you two get going.” 

Richie is about to open his mouth once more but I abruptly cut him off. “C’mon, Rich. Let’s just go.” Grabbing his hand and with a sharp tug pull him in the direction of the car. He comes with me, but I know it’s begrudgingly. 

I quickly climbed into the vehicle, sinking into the passenger’s seat of the car and let his words roll over me time and time again. Some of us are just stuck with the bad apples. Richie got to escape. But me and Mr. Frost? We are stuck.

***

They brought him out for a visitation as they processed the bail. The moment he walked into the room, I could see the bruises that littered his skin. Whether they were from people within the prison, or memories of what awaited him outside these walls, I’m not sure. Either way, I guilty felt the tiniest bit of satisfaction seeing our roles reversed for once in my life. 

“You’ve grown.” His words were short and to the point. It was a backhanded compliment at best. It only reminded me of the years it had been since we last saw each other. 

“You should see Jonathan now,” I said with a forced laugh.

“I see you brought the friend along… you and that Wheeler boy always together?” 

Shit. “This isn’t Mike, dad. Mike actually has a twin brother. This is Richie. He offered to ride with me since Mike was busy today.” I was lying right through my teeth to protect every last bit of dignity I had with my father.

He nods, hardly caring. If anything I bet he was probably glad I hadn't brought Mike – even if I'd broughten his physical replica –  seeing as he’d always thought we had been far too close. “You got a girlfriend yet? You’re getting to be about that age.”

Right. He would jump to that. “Umm, no— no girlfriend.” I couldn’t say much more, not confidently without outing me and Richie both. And that could never happen.

“You’re practically grown.” 

But before I had the chance to even come up with a halfway decent reply, the guards came in to release him and told us to head home. He apparently already had a ride lined up. Richie and I looked between each other before we shrugged and started to walk out.

“Wait Will!” I quickly turned back and dad was standing there with his arms stretched out expecting a hug. It was one of the weirdest sights I had ever seen and I reluctantly accepted the touch. “Thank you.” I offered a nod before trying to get out of there as quickly as I could. It’s one thing to want him to act like he loves me, it’s another to see this new side of him. It was foreign and more scary than seeing him in his normal state. I just couldn’t trust it.

***

When we pulled into the driveway, I gave Richie a thankful look. I really don’t think I could have made it through today without him. I gave him a quick pat on the knee to get his attention. “You were quiet today,” I said with a chuckle.

“Sarcasm is my thing,” he quipped, but it was obvious his heart wasn't in it.  He almost seemed sad. It was the first time he met my dad. He’s heard stories upon stories, but seeing it for himself is a completely different story. I knew it drained his bubbly demeanor. Hell, that would drain anyone.

“Thank you for coming with me, Rich.” He forced a quick smile before leaning in to kiss me.

“I couldn’t let you do it alone. You know I’m always by your side… Like herpes.”

I made a disgusted face. “Way to kill the mood, Rich!” I accused. But only playfully. Hearing him make that joke told me that he was rounding into his usual self. And if he’s doing that…

I leaned up to whisper in his ear, even though I knew we were alone with no listening ears. “It’s still light out. You know what that means right?” 

He cocked an eyebrow down at me while attempting to keep his smug grin hidden. “I don’t know, William. What does this miracle of light mean for us?”

“Mom and Hopper are both still at work.” I kissed his neck. “So the house is still empty. We can continue our little date night plan, except maybe skip to the good part.”

“Oh the good part? Do tell, William.”

“Come inside and find out.”

“I always ‘cum’ inside, Willie. Unless you ask me not to, of course. I am a gentleman like that.” He barely got it out before his laughs overcame him and we were barreling out of the car. 

I could barely unlock the door before Richie’s lips were on mine. We scrambled through the door and he slammed it closed behind him before pushing me against it hard. I felt drunk under his his kisses and—

“Will, what the hell is this? Are you a fucking fag?” I slowly looked up over Richie’s shoulder to find my dad standing in the middle of our living room.

Oh shit.

Chapter Text

Do What You're Supposed To Do

Richie's POV

I needed an escape after today. Or maybe a drink. Smoke and a pancake? Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster, breakfast food sounds so good right now…

But I digress.

If it was an escape I needed, Will had to be it. I always put on this front that everything is okay. That's who I am – Trashmouth formerly Tozier. My mouth is my cover. But today? It was just too hard. Seeing Will put that… that man above himself? God, I love Will so much. He’s my light. My anchor. My ounce of self respect. He’s so kind and selfless. And that’s what makes it so hard to sit back and watch him get walked over by a man who will never respect him for who he is. Forget actually loving him for it. I mean, shit. I know the feeling all too well and it literally physically hurt me. So there was no way I was going to just let him endure it. 

But, that’s what Will wants, so I mustered every ounce of self control I had (and I can't even count how many of my teachers would be infuriated to know I could), bit my tongue, and showed him my support. But, fuck me sideways, the more I watched, the harder it got. Hearing stories he and Mike have told me already made my heart break from Will. But to witness the manipulation first hand was a whole new level. It was so blatantly obvious that he will never actually show Will any love. He used him. 

I don’t think I have ever been so quiet in my life – seriously, this had to be a record. Ed Spaghed’s and Stan would have been proud in any other circumstance. I couldn’t trust my voice. I couldn’t expect myself to hold back the horrible things I was thinking if I was to open my mouth. This was one of the few situations in my life where there was no making light of it. It was, quite frankly, shit caca (Ok, maybe a tiny joke). 

So the moment Will suggested a distraction—a very beautiful, addicting, sexy, sure to turn very rough, distraction, might I add—my brain completely shut off. The blood was needed elsewhere. Like in my pants. I pushed away every thought of the horrible day and focused solely on Will. Maybe I was an idiot for not keeping the slightest bit of mental capacity in that moment, but it had been such a long day and this was our original plan all along. Or at least part of it.

And oh, sweet, baby prophet Mohammad, have you seen William naked?  

Admittedly, kissing him outside on his front porch in the middle of Hawkins was one of the stupidest things I have done to date (yet also, one of the hottest. I may have a thing for risqué ), and I have done plenty of stupid things in my lifetime. It was way too risky even on a normal day. Anyone could have caught us in this shitty little town full of shitty little people. But even worse, it was a distraction that clouded every last bit of judgment I could have had in that situation.

But nonetheless, the moment that door opened, I pushed us both inside with our lips locked together hard. It was needy. I was needy. Will was needy. I quickly grabbed the door and slammed it shut, loud enough to wake the dead. Within seconds, my body took over my mind and Will was flush against the door. If I wasn’t more careful, we wouldn’t even make it to his room before our clothes were off—

“Will, what the hell is this? Are you a fucking fag?” The guttural and grating voice came from over my shoulder. I didn’t have to turn around to know exactly who it was. Will slowly peaked his head up over my shoulder to find his dad standing in the middle of our living room. Together, we were frozen in place, roughly three point five seconds away from putting on a fucking show . “Answer me, boy! Dammit!” He demanded. I could physically hear Will swallow and feel the fear as it washed over his entire body. The room was nearly unbreathable from the tension.

And for the record, I don’t think I've ever lost an erection so fast.

“I—um uh,” Will attempted to stutter off, which only caused his father’s anger to increase. In terms of fight or flight, Will could do neither. His body ultimately chose the stand there and take it approach. An approach that in the previously assumed future would have been very fluid-y. But in the crap-ass future we of course got handed by insert deity here? It terrified me to know that he must have experienced this very situation time and time again. Just as I have.

His father was on the move now. Within seconds he had cleared the space between the living room and the door. And now his hand was coming up to grab the collar of Will’s shirt, gripping it in anger as he spits, “I told you when you were and boy and I’ll tell you as a man, my son is not a fag. So which is it? Are you my son or are you just some disgusting, pathetic fucking fag.”

Whether it was the breathlessness due to the sheer intensity of Will’s lips on mine or the bubbling anger that seemed to just be rising uncontrollably higher from the collection of events that happened today, I’m not sure. All I know is that at that moment, fear was completely out of the question. This man—Will’s worthless, abusive, never-been-there father—was standing in his living room witnessing the most incriminating display of his son’s sexuality to which I was the defending party. And yet, fear was the last thing I felt for this man. 

Years upon years of my own abuse and tragedies I have endured have led me to this moment. You can only hide behind the comedic jokes for so long. And Will was not a joke to me. This feeling that washed over me in that moment, this intense anger for a man I had just truthly met today, was no joke.

I pushed forward until my hand connected with his chest, separating the two of them. “Go fuck yourself!” I shouted, surprising both of them. “You think you can come in here and question whether or not my boyfriend –” and oh, did that get a rise out of the fucker “– is your son? Well, that’s not the mother fuckin’ question, douchebag! The question was whether or not you could actually step up and be a father, you pathetic piece of shit! You don’t fucking deserve to even call someone as precious and special and golden as Will by name. Much less to call him your son!” 

The more I said, the angrier I got, and the farther I pushed him through the house. “So guess what? Will has a father! And it sure the fuck could never be you. But even more than that, he has a mother, brother, sister, friends, and most importantly, a boyfriend who loves him more than you could ever dream of just because of who he is. We don’t expect him to change to fit our expectations. We don’t use him for the amazing person he is. We let him be and love him all the same for it.”

I risked glancing back over my shoulder to see Will still frozen in place. Tears were now rolling down his cheeks despite his inability to move. Empowered, I continued on. “So, I need you to answer me loud and clear because I’m only going to ask you once. And just know this is me actually attempting to be nice to you—which you don’t even deserve by the way—but are you actually going to man up, accept this sweet boy for who he is, and try to be a father for once in your fucking life or are we going to have a bigger problem than we already do? Because this is the first and last chance I will grant you to do the right thing.”

Lonnie, having finally gotten over his surprise at my fairy-ass going incredibly macho on him, suddenly firms himself up and stands firm against my next shove. Causing me to stumble backwards slightly as he grits his teeth and grinds out with pure acid, “I already told you, boy, my son isn’t a fucking fag . So if you are his boyfriend, then that—” he points emphatically at Will “—isn’t my son.”

My vision went red and every last bit of control I had holding myself back flooded out of my body. The years upon years of standing there and taking it fell right along with it. The slightest bit of breeze I felt as my arm swung around and connected with the side of his face was invigorating. The satisfaction I got from the quickly reddening skin of his cheek was sickening, yet it didn’t stop me from swinging again. That feeling quickly overpowered every internal bit of me that screamed violence was wrong. This man deserved everything that was coming his way. 

But just as you have to be prepared to give, you must be willing to take when it comes to throwing punches. The tiniest part of me wanted it. I wanted him to hit me. I craved it in anticipation as I watched him rear his arm back. That one moment of contact and it would all be over. I could take a punch. I took punches for years. And for Will, I would take hundreds. One punch would send him away for good, just as my father had been. I just needed one—

It never came. Instead, an arm reached over my shoulder, stopping the fist from making contact while another hand grabbed me by the shoulder to pull me out of the way And just as quickly as my vision dissipated, it returned for me to be able to witness the scene in front of me. 

I blinked. Not sure me and my four eyes were actually seeing things correctly. Because Hopper ? When the fuck did he get here? And how in the name of Steven Spielburg did he just make such a dramatic, out-of-nowhere entrance? 

He was twisting Lonnie’s arms behind his back in a painfully forceful way as he grabbed for his handcuffs that hung on his hip. “ So much for bailing him out …” I thought, too stunned to say a word. And Will? My poor baby was still frozen in his same position. It was a wonder that the big, gruff, lovable sasquatch that’s Hopper even got through the door in the first place.

Once Hopper finally had the handcuffs secured around Lonnie’s wrists, he sat him down on the couch and reached for his radio. “Callahan, do you copy?”

The static of the radio sounds until another voice picks up. “Hey, Chief.”

“We have a bit of a situation. Have Janice get a report started for Lonnie Byers and I need you to meet me at the house. I can’t do more than detain him while I’m off duty.”

“Uh, Chief… is this a personal matter?” His voice seemed the slightest bit shy to ask the question, but the fact that it was asked in the first place means it has probably happened before.

“I would bring him there myself if it was legal for me to do so, Callahan.” He sounded tired. He just got off of a double shift and came home to this shit. “Breaking and entering. Attempted assault on a minor. What more do you want me to tell you?”

“Oh. Oh! Okay, Chief. I’m on my way over now! Over and out.”

Hopper threw himself down on the couch beside Lonnie and groaned as he leaned his head against the back of the couch. “I thought we established you were not welcome here the last time. This shit is getting tiring, Lonnie.”

“Are you tired of playing daddy, Jim?”

“Are you done acting like you aren’t one?” He fired back. There was a lot more feuding between these two than the surface knowledge showed. This thing seemed to go back for years .

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Lonnie was sitting up straighter and facing directly towards Hopper now. This wasn’t something Will needed to watch. I quickly moved across the room and wrapped my arm around the small of his back to usher him back out the front door. He needed some air and to get away from all of the yelling.

The moment the front door clicked shut, it was like Will finally came to. His brain and body connected once again and he finally had control. Within seconds, his arms were wrapped tightly around me and he was crying into the bend of my neck. “I’m sorry, Richie. I’m so so sorry.”

I pulled us both to sit on the ground with our backs up against the wall of the house. I knew neither of us had the energy left to carry on this conversation standing. “Will, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I assured him, rubbing circles into the small of his back.

“But it’s all my fault,” he spit out between breathless sobs.

I grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him away from my body so I could look him in the eyes. His face was splotchy and red. His eyes were filled with tears and he was anything but a graceful crier. Though seeing him so heartbroken hurt me more than anything has ever hurt me before. I would take, or in this case attempt to take, a million more punches if it meant I would never have to see him like this again. “You know what happened in there wasn’t your fault, Will. You know that, right?” I tried to wipe away the tears that littered his cheeks.

“He wouldn’t have even been out of jail if I didn’t bail him out. You can’t lie to me and say this isn’t my fault!” His voice sounded incredulous.

“I’m not lying to you. I would never lie to you. And because of that, I will tell you that what we did today was nothing short of stupid,” I let out with the slightest hint of a chuckle. “But, if you are at fault, then so am I for letting you go. And so is Lonnie for asking you to. Hell, he’s actually the one at fault for all of this.”

Will let a small huff of a laugh escape. “You’re calling him Lonnie now?”

“Oh you’re right. That’s still too nice of me, isn’t it? How does piece of shit sound?”

There was a beat of silence between the two of us. Will moved his head to lay against my shoulder as he hummed. “Thank you,” he finally said. I smiled and pushed a quick kiss into the top of his head as he continued. “Thank you for being there for me today. For everything really. And thank you for standing up to him when I couldn’t. Today might’ve been the day he actually killed me had you not.” Though he mentioned it softly, the implications of his words were completely true. That look in Lonnie’s eyes as he grabbed Will’s shirt was something I really hoped Will would block out of his mind. There was no question about his intent to hurt him.

“I’m your boyfriend. That’s my job, Will. Besides, did you see how manly I was goin’ after him?” I grinned tiredly, wiggly my eyebrows with more effort than I'd ever care to admit. But the surprised giggle and playful swat on the chest I received for my efforts was best sound and feeling I’d experienced all fucking day. 

The sound of the tires coming up the driveway would have normally been enough to separate us. But after the day we just had, I didn’t have the energy or the willpower to move. And quite honestly, fuck anyone who cares. I’m not leaving his side.

“Boys,” Callahan tipped his hat in our direction. He must have seen the worn out look on our face, to not question the position we were in. Though his eyes did shift back and forth between the two of us, questioningly. “Is the Chief inside?” He settled on.

“Yeah, I had to get Will out of there. Here.” I stood up and opened the front door. “ Hey, Hop. Callahan is here.”

Hopper hauled Lonnie up off the couch and corralled him towards the door and into the light of the setting sun. That’s when Callahan first got a good look at him. He quickly turned between the four of us, checking our expressions hesitantly. The now blackened bruise on the side of Lonnie’s face was impossible to miss. “I thought you said this was an attempted assault. But the one you want me to arrest looks to be the one that took a beating.” Lonnie let out a humiliating huff to this. “Should I even ask who it was?” He asked, clearly eyeing Hopper. Hopper threw his hands up in surrender.

“I did it.” Everyone’s heads snapped in my direction. In Callahan’s case out of surprise. In Hopper and Will’s case out of fear of legal issues.

“It was self-defense, or at least he was defending me when I couldn’t defend myself which falls under self-defense,” Will was quick to add.

“Chief,” Callahan said with a deep breath.

“I know. I’m following you to the station,” he replied in resignation. Then he turns to me and Will, “you two go get in the car. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

Once both of us were in the backseat of Hopper’s car and the door was shut, I looked to Will. “What the fuck?”

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and rubbed up and down for a few minutes before responding. “We have to go testify, Rich. Just be glad I was in the room. That bruise looks pretty rough and you don’t even have a scratch.”

“Then why did Hopper stop him? I was waiting for the punch.”

“Rich—” Will starts, but gets interrupted by Hopper throwing himself into the driver’s seat.

“Richie, what the fuck was that all about? Why were you just standing there?” Hop turns around to ask as Callahan started backing down the driveway.

“He saw us kissing and started calling Will slurs. When he grabbed him by the shirt collar, I just snapped. I couldn’t let him hurt Will. More words were said until I finally got fed up with his bullshit.”

“Right, but why did you just stand there, kid?”

“I punched him first,” I said matter-of-factly.

“That still doesn’t answer the question.” He almost seemed annoyed. Maybe not at me, but definitely at the situation.

“I know how to take a punch. All I needed was one punch and this would have been easy,” I said while rolling my eyes and sinking into the backseat.

“That’s a bit concerning to hear with you dating my son. How many fights have you been in?” He was a lot more stern now than he had ever been with me. Quickly, I realized he thought I was trouble and I liked to pick fights.

“Oh no, sir. I just know it’s best not to make it harder on them to land the punch. It tends to make them angier when you make them work for it.” He cocked his head to the side and gave me a confused look. Okay, he still wasn’t understanding. “I grew up with an abusive asshole of a father. Did you not know? Why do you think I moved here?”

“Oh shit, Richie. I’m sorry, I completely —”

“Don’t. It's fine. The Wheeler’s are my family now. It’s a lot easier to fight for someone when you know what happens if you don’t.”

“Thank you, kid,” he said, turning back towards the front of the vehicle and backing out of the driveway. “There’s nothing you will have to worry about. We will get this all taken care of. I’m just glad you were there for him.” 

I reached over and grabbed Will’s hand, interlocking our fingers. “I always will be, sir.” I could see Hop looking back at us through his rearview mirror with the softest smile I have ever seen that man wear and I couldn’t fight back the bit of blush that rose up on my cheeks.

***

That night, when we finally made it back to Will’s house, Joyce was waiting at the door. We were barely two steps on the porch before she pulled us both into a spine-crushing hug. “My boys. I’m so glad you are okay.”

The only thing I wanted to do was wrap Will in my arms and fall asleep. I was too tired to do anything else. So that’s exactly what we did.

Chapter Text

Things You'll Never Understand

Mike's POV

Do you ever just get that feeling that everything is wrong? That daunting feeling leading up to the inevitable. That feeling of dread that you know exactly how everything is going to turn out, but you just have to sit there and watch it happen. That level of prolonged stress is one of the worst feelings you can possibly imagine and I can’t seem to get that feeling out today. My entire body ached with a worry that might never happen, but feels inescapeable.

The first thing to go wrong? Fucking Richie. 

All I asked is that he could be here and – of course – he fucking forgot. Where is he even at right now? I mean, I’m not an idiot. I knew he went over to Will’s yesterday. And that probably turned into spending the night. But he knew Nana and Pop were coming today. He knew. I explicitly told him a thousand times. It’s dad’s birthday and they come into town for the weekend. Every. Single. Year. I was really looking forward to having him here. But look who’s still decidedly not here. And normally that wouldn’t be so upsetting – it’s Richie. I accept his unreliability with punctuality – but I couldn't escape the feeling it was just the first puzzle piece that fell into place of the dreaded shit show my mind told me was without a doubt coming.

As if on cue, the doorbell rings and I instantly felt like I was going to puke. It was too late. They were here and if he did still plan on showing up today, he better have a good goddamn excuse. They won’t forgive him as easily as I will. Especially since they were supposed to meet him for the first time today. And it’s not like he can just say that he was at his boyfriend’s house. God, they would die on the spot.

I could hear the welcoming murmurs downstairs as I started pacing trying to figure out what shit excuse I could come up with to cover his ass. I was running my fingers through my hair, inevitably making it a frizzy mess when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. “Mike? Richie?” Shit, it was Nancy. Well, I guess that means time is up.

I slowly walked over to the door and opened it just a crack. “Hey Nancy,” I whispered. Her eyes narrowed as she studied me in silence.

“Nana and Pop are here,” she said slowly, hoping her words would sink in and calm me down a bit. Little did she know that was what had me freaking out in the first place. All I could do was nod and attempt to swallow the lump in my throat. That was all it took for her to read me like a book. “Richie didn’t come back home last night did he?” But I didn’t even have a chance to answer because of the loud thump that came from behind me. 

I whipped around from where I was standing at the door to see Richie laughing on the floor in front of the window he had just climbed through. I looked back to Nancy to see if she was seeing this too. We both wore matching faces of shock. Leave it to Richie to have the worst timing in the world. “Damn, you look like shit and I was the one that went through hell and back yesterday.” There was a slight pause where we both wanted to question what the hell he meant by that, but before we could he continued on. “Why the long face, sweet cheeks? Awe, did you miss your brother?” He laughed out, breaking the awkward silence between the three of us. It was clearly directed more towards me than Nancy. That must have been enough to break the shock, as I found my feet carrying me over to where he still sat on the ground.

I grabbed him by his obnoxiously printed Hawaiian shirt and pulled him up off the ground. “What the fuck? Where have you been? Nan—” I started whisper screaming before he cut me off.

“Nana and Pop are here? Yeah, hence the reason I came through the window. Keep up Mike. For apparently being the smart one, you sure can be dumb sometimes.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes before finally letting go of him. “Just put something better than this on. We can talk about why you are late and whatever happened to you yesterday later.” That’s when I looked down and saw the purple nail polish that covered his nails. My heart sank. “Fuck, Rich. Nancy, go get the fingernail polish remover. We have to get that off before they see you.”

“Why does it even matter? It’s just nail polish.” 

“Richie… you remember how dad reacted to the whole gay thing?”

“Yeah…”

My patience was growing thin. “So, imagine what the people who raised him would think.”

“That he didn’t storm the beaches of Normandy to allow his gay grandson to wear nail polish?”

I glared at him. “ Sicily. He stormed the beaches of – you know what? It doesn't matter. Nail polish. Off.”

“Nail polish isn’t just a gay thing, you know,” he sighed and sat down in the desk chair as Nancy started scrubbing hard at his nails with the acetone soaked cotton ball. After a few minutes of scrubbing, it looked like we weren’t getting anywhere. “It looks like the nails have decided their own fate,” he says hesitantly after noticing that the polish left his nails stained.

“We don’t have time for thi—”

“Nancy, Mike, Richie! Come downstairs and say hello to Nana and Pop! Dinner is almost ready,” mom yelled from the stair landing. 

“Just… put on one of Mike’s nice shirts and try to keep your hands covered,” Nancy suggested quietly, hoping her voice wouldn’t carry itself to the unwanted ears that lingered downstairs. “If no one points it out, they probably won’t even notice.” I know she was just trying to be hopeful, but I was terrified. One coming out dinner was enough stress for a lifetime. I don’t think I could handle a second one. Or a third…

Nancy rushed out to put away all of her nail supplies and Richie threw on one of my nicer shirts that he quickly dug out of the closet, discarding his hideous Hawaiian tee. It was a peach colored one that mom had gotten for me the previous year. Still kinda loud, to be honest, but it was truly the calmest color option we had available.

Watching him though, seeing the nervous glances around the room and how he kept chewing his lip, it occurred to me that I hadn’t even realized in my own bit of worry that he was reeling a bit himself. Meeting new people is definitely a scary thing. I, for one, am pretty notorious for not being the most accepting of new things. But Richie? He is such a people person. He never meets a stranger. Why is he freaking out? Does this have to do with whatever happened yesterday? I want to ask him about it and make sure he’s okay, but we just don’t have the time.

I had become so lost in my thoughts, that I hadn’t even realized he was ready to go downstairs until I felt the tap on my shoulder. I quickly turned around to face the confused look he wore. “Are you okay?” He asked me a bit nervously.

“I could ask you the same thing, you know,” I stifled out with a laugh that released a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“We can talk about it later,” he said a bit sadly, turning towards the door where Nancy now stood, waiting on us to go downstairs.

We weren’t even to the bottom step yet before Nana stood up from her place on the couch. “Oh my goodness. Nancy, Mike, you’ve both grown so much!” She exclaimed giddily as she met us halfway and pulled us into a tight hug, the smell of peppermint bombarding my nostrils.

“It’s only been a year Nana,” Nancy giggled.

“And you must be Richie! Goodness, I knew you two were twins, but the resemblance is uncanny!”

I held my breath, waiting for whatever smartass response my brother would retort with. Praying he wouldn't. And, much to my shock and awe, he… actually responded sweetly.

“It’s so awesomesauce to finally meet you, Gam Gam!” Richie exclaimed with a toothy smile, enveloping my – our – grandmother in a bone-crushing hug.

… and what the fuck? Gam Gam?

Before I had a chance to ask him about that (seriously. Fucking Gam Gam?), Mom was calling us from the kitchen to set the table as she brought out dinner. She had spent all day trying to make sure dinner would be perfect for dad’s birthday. She roasted a chicken, made homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, and of course threw in some peas and carrots. All of his favorite foods and a grand enough meal to impress Nana and Pop. That of course is why she also pulled out a set of china instead of our normal dinnerware. 

We entered the dining room, each of us carrying a portion of china to set. And as we did, that's where I spotted Pops; who was sitting at one end of the table (opposite Dad) giving Holly a piece of hard candy while Mom wasn't there to catch him.

“Michael! Nancy! There you two are!” he greeted us before his eyes landed on Richie. “And you must be Richard! My word! Look at you! Take away the glasses and I wouldn't be able to tell the two of ya’s apart! Come ‘ere and shake your grandpa’s hand!”

Richie, apparently going so full-polite mode that I almost didn’t recognize him, practically bounced over to Pops and gripped his hand, shaking it obnoxiously. “Nice to met ya, Pop Chop!”

I actually groaned.  

 “What?” Richie asked me as he twisted his head and gave me a bewildered look. Like he didn't fucking know what.

“Pop Chop? What does that even mean?”

“Well, you call him Pop. And it was also mentioned to me that he loves pork chops. So, Pop Chop!” he answered, grinning like a fucking idiot.

I was going to die that night. I was convinced. Somehow, someway, by Richies mouth.

As I struggled to form even basic words, dumbfounded by Richie once again, I could see Pop raise an eyebrow at Richie before looking over at Dad, giving him a curious look. “Why didn’t you tell me he fancies himself a comedian?”

Dad, for his part, simply raised a solitary brow and dryly told Pops, “You have no idea.”

Grandpa looked back over at Richie, looking like he was about to say something more before he seemed to catch himself. His face scrunching up in that way it does when someones trying to work out a puzzle in their head. I wondered what that was about, but chalked it up to old age forgetfulness.

Introductions now over, we quickly got the table set. Just in time for mom and Nancy to come out carrying the food. We each found our spots around the table, filling in the spots around dad and Pop. But before we could dig in, Pop stopped us quickly to say grace. I could hear a quiet groan come from Richie beside me that I just hoped Nana and Pop didn’t catch. Old people can’t hear all that well, right?

A steady silence filled the room, only allowing for the clanking of silverware and the clacking of teeth as everyone chewed. It was… not as bad as I’d feared, so far. And that says a lot coming from this family. We officially set a new high tonight. Is it really because of Richie?

But of course, things took a turn for the worse.

After a few minutes of everyone just eating, Pop cleared his throat, focusing on me in a way that seemed to ignore Richie. “Michael, how’s your little group of friends doing?” He seemed as genuine as could be, which really surprised me. He doesn't really ask me about my friends all that often.

“They are doing great, Pop. Richie fits right in too!” I answered, trying to bring Rich into the conversation. Greetings aside, they hadn’t spent any time asking him anything. I had thought things got off remarkably well. What changed? Yeah, he had gone uncharacteristically quiet as well, but this was supposed to be the day they met him! And now it seems like he’s not even there to them.

“Oh does he now? Well, that’s always good,” he replied in what almost seemed… not as warm as it had been ten minutes ago. I sat there, wondering what could be going on and why the mood had so suddenly changed. Then it occurred to me: had he seen the nail polish? 

But before I could think (panic) about that some more, Pop changed the topic. “And that Sinclair boy? Are you two still friends?” I could see Richie shift nervously beside me and I was a bit worried myself on where this was going.

“Yes…” I said hesitantly. “He joined the basketball team so we don’t get to hang out as much, but he still comes around when he doesn’t have practice.”

“That’s nice to hear. I’ll let you in on a little secret. He was always my favorite out of your little group of friends. Such a fine young man that one is. He reminds me of my best friend growing up.” I let what he said sink in as I thought about every preconceived notion I had about my grandfather.

Apparently Richie was doing the same thing as I felt him nudge my shoulder. “What. The. Fuck,” he whispered in my ear.

“Just… don’t say anything about, you know,” I whispered in reply before looking down and noticing the chaos covering Richie’s plate. Every last pea was touching another food somewhere on his plate. I shuddered at the sight. “Richie, what is happening on your plate?”

“What? This?” He asks, getting a giant scoop of mashed potatoes and peas stuck together and shoveling it into his mouth. I rolled my eyes as he opened his mouth to show me all of his food mushed together. “What’s the big deal? It all goes down the same pipe.” He shoveled a spoonful of peas into his gravy just to spite me.

“Richie, I swear to god. If you let those peas touch your mashed potatoes one more time, I’m going to grab your plate and trash it!”

“What the hell, Mike? You let Holly’s peas touch her mashed potatoes all the damn—”

“Language!”

“—time. It’s practically a casserole at this point.”

“She’s eight!”

Richie flung a single pea into my mashed potatoes and I could feel my insides boil. I pushed my plate away. That single pea was enough to ruin my appetite, even though I only ate about half of the food on my plate. Mom reached over to grab the wine and refill her glass at the sight. “It’s so nice to have the family together for dinner…” she said with an undertone of sarcasm.

“Richard?” Pop questions in a tone that almost seems to be parental.

“Yes, Pop Chop?” Richie asks, calming down sensing the same tone I did.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” 

Dad actually choked on his chicken. Nana rushed over to start patting his back to make sure he was okay. My eyes shift back and forth quickly between Richie and Nancy begging no one to say a word. That’s when I noticed the little W with a heart drawn on his wrist in sharpie. Fuck my life.

“What? Did I say something wrong? Why is everyone acting queer now?” Pop was quick to add in sensing the new tension and edge that filled the room

I squeezed Richies leg every once of my strength right then. Begging every God I could think of for him to just just keep his fucking mouth shut. And I don’t know which one listened, but thankfully, he did.

“Everything is fine, dad. Just a… just a bit too big of a bite,” dad replied through deep coughs.

“You could say that,” Richie muttered under his breath just a bit too loud for my personal liking in the situation. It earned him a death glare and a second squeeze. 

And then the other shoe finally dropped…

“Pop pop! Richie has a boyfriend not a girlfriend, silly!” Holly corrects him, clearly having no idea what on God’s green earth she’s just done. Every last bit of color drained from my face. All movement at the table stopped. No one dared to speak. It was dead silent.

“Is this true, Richard?” His tone is now stoic and emotionless. All Richie could do was slowly nod his head, afraid that his brash voice would ruin it all. “Oh, I see…” Pop trailed off, his tone dripping with disappointment.

“Dad, don’t start,” dad warned. I could see his eyes narrow and his hands rested in fists on either side of his plate.

“They let fags just – prance around openly in this town? How perverted. It’s a shame I’m going to have to watch my new grandson waste his life away because of a terrible choice he’s made.”

“Being gay is not a choice. It’s not choose your own adventure! I can’t help who I’m attracted to. And what do you mean waste my life away ?” Richie asked through gritted teeth. I could sense the anger starting to boil and I was counting down the seconds until he finally exploded. Truthfully, I was getting that way too. Cause whether or not those words were really directed towards Richie or not, they rang true to me too. 

“I mean that queers are damned to hell. It’s a shame that you’ve chosen that fate for yourself.” I was fighting back the tears at this point. Luckily, Richie didn’t have to suffer through the same religious trauma Pop pushed on all of us kids growing up. That would have made that sentence hurt him that much more. But to me, it meant everything.

Dad abruptly stood up, knocking over his chair in the process. “You’re not going to come into my home and insult my family like that,” he said in the most stern tone I have ever heard him use towards his own father. 

Nancy quickly grabbed Holly out of her seat and took her into her room before things got too ugly. I wish I could run away too. Lucky Holly.

“I’m talking about queers, Theodore. You have nothing to worry about. You can’t help how this one turned out. You didn’t get to raise him with good Christian morals. It’s definitely a shame.” 

“Like I said, you aren’t going to insult my family. I’m very proud of both of my sons whether they are gay or not. Is it conventional? No. Do I support it? Not fully. But does that mean I love them any less? Of course not. These are two great young men and I’m very proud of the way I have raised them. I’m not going to have you reprimanding them for who they love.”

What the FUCK did he just say? No no no no. This can’t be happening.

“Theodore, did you just say sons ? As in plural?” He now wore a matching scowl with my father. The family genetics were strongly passed down with that look.

“Dad! You can’t just out people like that!” Richie admonishes, causing Dad’s entire face to soften with the realization of what he had done. He truly looked sorry.

“You’re actually raising queers in your home? This isn’t just some charity project? I thought I raised you better, son.” Within seconds, dad’s anger was in full swing again. 

“Get out,” he said in a voice filled with silent rage. Slow and steady as he was about to blow.

“I’m your father Theodore and it’s your birthday.”

“I said get out of my damn house!” He slammed his fist down on the table and the china shook and clattered together. Richie and I both jumped when we realized mom had already wrapped her arms around us. “And don’t plan on coming back if you are ever going to disrespect my family again.”

“Go upstairs, boys,” mom whispered in our ears. I hadn’t even realized I had been crying until she wiped the tears that ran down my cheek.

***

After about twenty minutes of us both sitting in silence, leaned up against each other on Richie’s bed, there was a soft knock at the door. “Boys? Do you mind if I come in?” Dad’s voice was so soft, almost like he was scared to tread the uneasy waters of emotions that just occurred. I don’t blame him. It’s pretty brave to try this soon.

“Yeah,” I croaked out, not realizing how raspy my voice had gotten from the silent tears and lack of words spoken.

He gently pushed open the door and came to sit right beside us on the bed. The little twin sized mattress squeaked from the excess of weight the three of us were straining on it. It definitely was not made for this many people, but none of us cared at that moment.

Words weren’t spoken at first. They didn’t have to be. The gentle squeeze of dad’s arms around us was enough. We sat together like that in silence for several minutes before he finally pulled away. A new record for the man who fears physical touch.

“I’m so sorry. For so many reasons,” he begins slowly.

“Dad, it’s fine. You didn’t know—” I started before he interrupted me.

“No, son. Let me finish. I’m so sorry you two had to go through that. My father, he— well you see he is very strong on his beliefs. You can see the single-minded approach he raised me with. It left me with a single-minded approach myself, which you both know I’ve been trying to work on. It’s not an excuse, just an explanation. I’m sorry you had to experience that. I’m also sorry for outing both of you, or whatever you called it at dinner, Richie. I didn’t realize that was a bad thing. I was just trying to stand up for you two. I guess we need to sit down and have a little chat because all of this is new to me. But I’m trying for both of you. And finally, I want to apologize because tonight I heard myself saying the words that come out of my father’s mouth. Many of those same words I have spit into your faces and tonight they made my heart hurt. To know I’ve said those same things to you two before I tried to accept everything makes me feel horrible. And for that, I could never be more sorry.” By the end of it, he was crying. Theadore Allen Wheeler was crying. Something I never thought I’d ever see in my life. And now? There was no way for any of us to hold back the tears. 

There’s nothing better to fix rejection with than acceptance. Hearing those words meant everything in that moment. Richie and I both looked at each other for a silent minute before he finally responded. “Thank you.” Though he didn’t say much, it meant a thousand words. I looked over to see mom and Nancy leaned into the door frame with Holly in her arms smiling. It truly was the closest we have ever been as a family. 

***

That night, laying in bed, neither of us could sleep. I had heard Richie toss and turn five times before I finally spoke up. “Rich? You okay?”

I could hear a heavy sign as he rolled one more time so that he was fully on his back staring up at the ceiling. “How many homophobic people am I going to have to deal with before this week is over?” Richie asked with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. 

I quickly sat up and looked over at him. “What do you mean? What else happened?”

“You know how they always say that taking you to meet the parents is a big step in the relationship? Well, I don’t think I made the best impression.”

“Richie…” I said hesitantly, “you’ve already met Joyce and Hopper. And neither of them are homophobic.” My voice was weary as I hoped to god he wasn’t insinuating what I thought he was.

I could hear him attempting to swallow the lump in his throat. “You always talked about how bad of a guy he was. And don’t get me wrong, I always believed you. But seeing him in person—talking to him—is a whole new ballgame.”

“Are you just fucking with me? You met Lonnie?”

“It wasn’t the plan exactly, but yeah.”

“What did he fucking do? God, is Will okay? Are you okay?” My mind was racing with all of the awful possibilities that could have happened.

“Don’t worry too much, my fist did most of the talking there at the end.”

“Richie…” I was hoping for a bit more explanation. Although I know for a fact that no matter what he did, he still deserved that punch, I needed to know what caused it. I need to know everything is okay.

“Fine,” he huffed, “I made it to Will’s house to hang out and he practically dragged me out of the door on some mission. I wasn’t going to let him go to Indy alone. Turns out he was bailling his dad out of jail. Everything went pretty smooth, but his uncle is a bit of a creep. But then we made it back home and Will was trying to get me in the mood if you know what I mean. We were a bit distracted when we walked in the door. We didn’t notice his dad broke in and he kinda saw me with my tongue down his son’s throat. Yeah, that didn’t go over too well. He started yelling at Will and I just lost it.” It seemed like all of his words came out in one single breath and he was most definitely brushing over how serious it all was. “Oh yeah, and Hopper saved me from getting punched, but that also meant I had to plead self defense without a scratch and so he took Will and I to the police station. I think that’s everything.” 

I could also see the obnoxious smile on his face. Of course he wouldn’t take this seriously. Or maybe he’s just trying to use humor to cope like he always does. Either way, I’m worried for him. That’s a lot to go through and now this on top of it. “Are you sure you’re okay? That’s kind of a lot.”

“He’s back in jail, so there’s not too much I can complain about. Plus I got to sleep with Will last night because of how late we got back. It doesn’t beat sleeping with him, but I’ll take it.” If his waggling eyebrows were audible, the room would never be silent.

“Maybe we should get away for the summer…” I suggested offhandedly, sighing wearily.

“You mean like get out of Hawkins?” Excitement was radiating off of him even in the moonlight dark of the room.

“Yeah,” I said softly, almost like I was agreeing with my own thoughts. “Me, you, and maybe even Will? What if we went to see the Losers in Derry for the rest of the summer?” Though I was spitting off ideas faster than they would even process through my brain, I was getting more and more excited with every suggestion I made. This could work. This could be a much needed break. This could be fun.

Chapter Text

Every Glance They Are Closer

Will's POV

As much as I loved the idea of getting away from Hawkins, the idea of even bringing the idea up to my mom was terrifying. I mean, it wasn't as terrifying as being possessed by the Mind Flayer, but it ranks up there. Speaking of which, the woman has barely let me out of her sight since that God forsaken night when I was twelve. Her only exceptions being school and any time another member of the Party is glued to my hip with just as sharp, watchful eyes she bores herself. In what right mind would she ever agree to me driving multiple states over? And to be gone for several days at that, I’m crazy to even entertain the idea of asking her. But here I am, pacing my bedroom, trying to find the perfect words to ask because Richie and Mike both seemed so excited about this. 

That’s it. I just have to do it. I can’t keep worrying myself over a simple yes or no.

I stormed out of my bedroom, barely managing to stop the door from slamming into the wall for the intense force. When I rounded the corner of the hall, I found my mother with her back turned in the kitchen cooking dinner. She seemed to be in her own little word, moving all around the kitchen in a frenzy. Hopper accompanied her at the dining room table reading through the paper for the second time today. Once should be plenty, but I guess when you are the town sheriff it’s more important to be in the know of things. Or, more likely, he was just truly so bored that reading the paper again sounded fun. Either way, his glance over the top of the paper in my direction brought me to a halt. Once again, every fear of asking this simple question washed over me. Though his look was more of piqued interest as to why I was storming through the house than a stern warning. “Will? You okay?” He asked, slowly folding the paper and sitting it on the table in front of him. This prompted mom to whip around. Her eyes filled with that protective look that has nearly become permanent as she waited for the reassurance that I was perfectly fine.

“Oh, umm yeah,” I spit out nervously. We all stood there in silence just staring at each other for a good minute, all unwilling to even move a muscle. It was an extremely awkward occurrence that was so uncommon in our house that I can’t say I ever remember feeling this awkward in my own home. I just had to break the silence. Though in my nervous thought, it just resulted in me spitting out what I wanted to work up to. “Richie and Mike plan to go to Derry for a few days and they want me to come with them.” All of my words ran together fast and I exhaled a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding at the end.

Mom and Hopper glanced at each other wearily, before my mom put the casserole she was making in the oven and came to sit down at the table. She gestures to the seat in front of her signaling this is going to be a discussion rather than just a simple yes or no. I tried to hide the guttural noise of me swallowing the lump in my throat and I slowly moved to sit down in the chair as my nerves buzzed.

“What brought this idea around?” She asked calmly, just hoping to get more details.

“Well, you know Richie is from Derry and he hasn’t seen his friends in several months. And he hasn’t been back to Derry since the day he moved here. Plus with everything that happened with dad and an incident that happened at another family dinner they had, they really just want to get away for a few days.” I really tried to work on slowing down my speech. I wanted them to be able to understand me, with hopes that it would strengthen my case. She offered a simple nod as she took in the explanation. Then Hopper took the lead. Sometimes he struggles with keeping his work side separate from his personal. That’s when I knew the interrogation was about to come out.

“Do you have the details planned out? Where are you going to stay? Three people is a lot to house,” he pointed out, clearly knowing the exact kinds of things my mom would want to know.

“Richie said that Bill’s house is the hangout spot and that Mrs. Denbrough would gladly take us in. They have a guest bedroom and Georgie’s old room, not to mention the living room where all of the Losers normally hang out during their sleepovers.” This got the slightest smile out of my mom.

“And where is the money coming from for this little trip?” At this point, I could tell he was just putting on a hard case. Maybe even trying to score brownie points with mom. Which… ew.

“Mrs. Wheeler agreed that it would be good for Richie to go see his friends. Really, I just think that she doesn’t want them coming to crash at her house again. Either way, she already said she would help out and that it was fine if I tagged along.” With this, I was a bit more shy. Money was always a topic we avoided because it was never something we had excess of. Jonathan worked his ass off at my age to help us survive since mom’s income alone wouldn’t cut it. Now that Hopper is in the picture, Jane and I have the luxury of not having to get a job, though money isn’t drop everything and go to Derry good. 

“It’s just you three boys going though?” Mom asked curiously. I could sense the fear creeping up in her voice and I felt like we were inching closer and closer to a no.

“Yes, but the moment we get to Derry there will be adult supervision.” I knew that the time we spent around that supervision would be limited, but sometimes you just have to tell them what they want to hear. 

Once again, silence filled the room and it was uncomfortable. At least I wasn't having to bore her worrying eyes. Those eyes were directed at Hopper as they silently communicated back and forth on what to do. Eventually, their conversations were no longer silent. “Joyce, he’s seventeen. He’s about to be a senior. Richie and—as much as I hate to admit it sometimes—Mike are good kids. I think this could be good for him.” And that alone took me by surprise. Yes, he wasn’t the worrier that my mom was, but he was strict. The combination of the two was destined to be a no, but he’s really arguing in my favor.

Mom sent one last look in my direction before sighing. I could barely see the glassy eyes that sat across from me. “My baby is growing up. I need to be more open about letting you go out. Hell, before long you will be going off to college. And god knows how difficult that will be. But – and this is a big but – maybe we can work up to it with baby steps like this,” she said with a tentative smile.

My entire face lit up. “You’re serious? I can go?” I nearly knocked my chair over as I stood up in excitement.

“Yes honey, you can go.” I had never moved so fast to hug her and Hopper both. 

“Thank you! Oh, I have to pack!” I exclaimed, running back through the house. This time, not being able to avoid the door slamming. I could hear their laughter ringing through the house, that was then followed by low murmured talking. It was clear mom wasn’t completely on board and she was worrying. But she still was the one that said yes, so what more can I say.

Fishing my duffle bag out of the back of the right-hand corner of the top shelf in my closet wasn’t nearly as difficult as the last time I had to pack an overnight bag. Granted, that was several years ago. Traveling wasn’t a normal occurrence for the Hopper-Byers. Plus, each member of the Party had enough of my clothes left there to never warrant needing to pack anything. Even still, I managed to knock over half of the sketchbooks I had stored on the same shelf.  I cringed as I watched the pages bend when they hit the ground. Luckily they were older sketchbooks with lower quality drawings, but the emotional value forbids me from ever getting rid of them. So in the closet they stay.

I was in the middle of meticulously picking out every outfit I would need for the trip when I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door. I looked back over my shoulder from where I was sitting going through my drawers. “Come in!” Jonathan walked through the door slowly with an uncharacteristically large smile and sat down on the bed behind me. “Oh hey, Jon. You seem happy,” I said before I turned back to the dresser. 

“I could say the same thing about you. You’re making enough noise to wake up the entire town of Hawkins in here.”

“It’s noon on a Sunday,” I deadpanned. “What’s got you in such a good mood?” I was finding comfort in the multitasking of packing and talking. It seemed to be more productive and I would never complain about the company.

“Oh yeah, about that…” he trailed off. I could hear some scuffling and I looked back to see him attempting to pull something out of his pocket. He now had my full, undivided attention. “I was hoping I could get your opinion on something.”

“Okay…” I replied hesitantly as he finally pulled the little box out of his pocket and realization washed over me. “Jonathan, is this what I think it is?” Before I knew it, I was off the floor and sitting beside him on my bed. His impossibly large smile from earlier has multiplied tenfold as he nodded.

“Do you think she will like it?” And the question is completely and utterly stupid in relevance.  It’s a simple gold band adorned with a beautiful pear shaped diamond. Stones that mimicked leaves surrounded the larger cut. It was both simple and unique. Bold and beautiful. The ring is undeniably Nancy.

“She is going to love it, Jon.” And now I couldn’t stop smiling either. “When—” But I couldn’t even get my sentence out before he sprung in to answer.

“Tonight. It’s our weekly date night so she isn’t going to suspect a thing. God, I hope everything goes perfect. I’ve been planning this forever and I can’t believe the day is finally here.”

“You waited until the day you were going to propose to ask me if she would like it?” I laughed.

“I’ve been psyching myself out. I needed some reassurance,” he said, dropping his face into his hands while trying to avoid laughing from the embarrassment.

“And what would you have done if I told you it was ugly?” I asked with a sly grin.

“Oh, I definitely would have crawled into a hole and died.” I couldn’t help the obnoxious laugh that bubbled out of me at that. “Shut up!” He pushed my shoulder, but inevitably joined in on the laughter.

“You’re hopeless, you know that! I can’t believe you didn’t think she would like it. It’s probably one of the prettiest rings I have ever seen. Although, that list is very limited and most of them are my friends’ mom’s.”

“Hey, don’t you even start. You’ll be the same way one day—” he started before realizing exactly what he was insinuating. Immediately my face fell. “Will, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it.” He quickly wrapped his arms around me, hoping to salvage the happy parts of our conversation.

“It’s okay. I know what you meant by it. I just don’t get to have that experience.” I couldn’t stop the stray tear that fell down my cheek and landed on Jonathan’s shirt.

“If it helps, I think it’s complete shit that you don’t get to have that. It’s just a piece of paper. Maybe one day people will open their eyes and see that your love isn’t any different than theirs.” I could feel him rubbing slow, steady circles into my back as he attempted to comfort me.

“Yeah, maybe one day,” I said somberly.

“Hey, on the bright side, that just means you have more to search for an extremely gaudy ring. Cause we all know Richie would swoon for that shit.” And with that I was laughing again because it was completely true. As outlandish as his fashion choices are, of course he would want the most gaudy ring known to man.

One day.

***

It was seven a.m. on the dot when their car pulled into the drive. I had my duffle bag and a bag full of snacks for the road sitting on the couch beside me as I watched the morning cartoons with El. Cartoons weren’t an experience she got to have as a child, so together we are catching up on the much needed time. It had become a routine for us every morning to sit down with a plate of Eggos and watch whatever cartoons decided to grace our presence. A routine we would be putting on hold for a good week or so.

I could see Richie bounding up the stairs to the front porch from the window and it made me giggle. So much puppy dog energy that he definitely needed to get out before we set off on the horribly long car ride. Mike on the other hand looked like he was a few hours shy of being a walking corpse. He never has been a morning person and Richie’s abundance of energy is only making matters worse for him.

Although I knew it was coming, the sound of Richie knocking on the door meant I actually had to get up off the couch and let the two of them in. I sighed and pushed myself up. El moved forward to sit her plate of Eggos on the coffee table and turned around backwards over the couch to greet the two.

“My dear William, are you ready to embark on a treacherous adventure across the country with little ole me and my slightly less attractive and far less funny brother?” Richie announced before even stepping foot into the house. El snorted at the thought and returned to watching her cartoons.

“Derry is hardly across the country,” I pointed out, rolling my eyes.

“I forgot you’re Mr. California man.” I gave him a look and he threw his hands up in surrender. “Where are your bags? We can get them loaded up while sleepyhead here is moping around.”

“You’re an idiot,” I said affectionately as I walked over to pick up my bags.

“Are those roadtrip snacks?” He asked, his level of excitement almost comical.

“Yes, and they aren’t for you,” I said curtly.

“He’s lying. He doesn’t like half the snacks in the bag. He packed most of them for you,” El said over her shoulder with a devilish grin.

“As if!” I yelled, tucking the bag of snacks under my arm, playing along. I felt the snacks start to slip and I looked down to see the bag ripping. I glanced over to El just in time to see her wiping the tiny trickle of blood from her nose. “That’s cheating! You aren’t supposed to use your powers.”

“And friends don’t lie.” Then she starts laughing uncontrollably. All three of us look back and forth at each other trying to figure out what’s got her so worked up, but we are all just as confused as the next.

“El, what’s so funny?” I asked wearily.

She takes a few seconds to calm down and catch her breath before replying. “It just reminds me of when I was dating Mike and I said friends don’t lie and Max said but boyfriends do.” And then she returned to her fit of laughter. Mike looked completely annoyed by this, but we will just chalk it up to the horrible not-a-morning person mood he’s in. Richie, on the other hand, found it completely hysterical.

“What are you kids laughing at?” Mom asked as she walked into the kitchen wrapped in her robe. She had just gotten out of bed and would presumably nurse a cup of coffee for 30 minutes before getting ready for her shift.

“El just made a joke that wasn’t even that funny. It’s sad when you have to laugh at your own jokes,” Mike said, rolling his eyes and slumping defeatedly into the couch.

“You and Will didn’t like it because it was true. Richie thought it was funny.”

“Yeah, but Richie is also a boyfriend so it applies to him too,” Mike huffed.

“Also?” Richie and I asked at the same time.

“No… don’t even entertain the idea you are thinking. I didn’t ask him and he didn’t ask me. The joke was just about me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Richie laugh, “We all know you want his di—”

“RICHIE!” I stopped him before he finished that sentence right in front of my mother. Although she still knew exactly where he was going with that by the way she choked on the drink of coffee she was taking. “We should probably get going now if we want to have time to make bathroom stops and still make it within a day. I already know these driving shifts are going to suck since we aren’t stopping to stay the night anywhere,” I said, trying to quickly change the subject. 

“Aw, you boys come here,” mom said, attempting to bring all three of us into a group hug. Though three nearly grown men trying to be hugged by her tiny 5’3 frame was nearly impossible. “You boys be very careful and make sure to call me whenever you make it to town. I don’t care how late it might be.” After letting us all go, she pulls me into my own personal hug and gives me a soft kiss on the temple. 

We all said our goodbyes and went out to put my bags—now a single bag and a handful of snacks—in the car. Richie hopped into the driver’s seat and motioned for me to take my normal spot in shotgun, as Mike practically fell into the backseat thankful for the opportunity to finally lay back down. Mom and El stood on the front porch waving us off until we were well out of sight.

Derry here we come.

*** 

We had somehow made it just as the sun was starting to rise. I could see the Welcome to Derry sign just a couple hundred feet in front of us. I leaned over and squeezed Richie’s thigh. He gave me a soft smile and I could just tell how excited he was. He talks about how he will never miss the town itself, but I know he misses the people and memories he has here. And now he gets to relive—

Richie immediately slams on the breaks, throwing a very annoyed Mike into the back floorboards. Richie’s face is bright white and he looks absolutely terrified. “Wi-Will a-are you s-seeing t-this shit t-too?”

But I could barely hear his words over the millions of voices ringing through my head. All wanting to tell a story, screaming over one another, fighting for their rightful spot to be heard. I covered my ears hoping to get the noise to stop, but it was insistent. “Stop…” I said quietly, hoping not to bother the other two. To no avail, the voices continued. If anything they were getting louder. “I said stop…” I said a bit louder this time. It was like the voices were taunting me. “Just shut up!” I screamed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you two? One is seeing shit, the other is hearing shit…” Mike asked, finally recovering and pulling himself up off the floorboard.

“So you don’t see that?” Richie asks, a bit more steady this time.

“See what?” Mike asks, with an annoyed huff.

“The fucking clown! What do you mean what?”

“Are you trying to say you see It right now?”

“No, I’m seeing a space cowboy. The fuck do you mean am I seeing It?”

“Stop, stop, stop!” I screamed, and they both snapped their heads in my direction to see me rocking back and forth in the front seat.

“We have to get to Bill’s house now. Just drive Rich!” Mike said.

I quickly opened my eyes to see what I presumed to be Pennywise, standing beside the welcome sign holding a red balloon that said I <3 Derry . Though he wasn’t wearing the devilish, creepy grin that Richie always talks about. No. He had his head cocked to the side with a very confused look on his face. Did he know about the voices?

It wasn’t but ten minutes later, we were pulling into the Denbrough’s driveway. The voices were definitely quieter now. Easier to block out. But still there. We all got out and grabbed out bags from the truck without a word being spoken between us. After what happened back on the road, me and Richie were both too freaked out to speak while Mike was watching us in worry and confusion. We silently headed to the front porch, where Richie almost solemnly knocked on the front door – a complete one-eighty from the way he did at my house yesterday morning. A very surprised and clearly unsuspecting Bill opened the door. Who also looked like he had just gotten up based on the bags under his eyes, the awful case of beahead, and the fact he was only dressed in a t-shirt and underwear.

“Is t-that Trashmouth s-standing at my door?” He gawked. His jaw nearly hit the floor. I’m going to take it Richie never actually told him we were coming. By this level of surprise, he probably never even told him we were entertaining the idea of coming. 

“Did Big Bill only stutter twice?” Richie replied, his grin as forced as the humor, smacking him good on the shoulder.

The first time I heard it clearly was standing there on Bill Denbrough’s porch. A little boy who looked to be no older than six or seven and was for some reason wearing a yellow raincoat even though it hadn’t rained in several days came into view in the doorway beside Bill. I didn’t know Bill had another brother. “ You need to protect them. He’s still here, ” the little boy warned.

“Who’s still here, little buddy?” I asked, squatting down to seem more his height so that maybe he wouldn’t be as scared to talk to me.

“Will, who in the flowery hell are you talking to and what the actual fuck are you doing right now at proper blowjob height?” Richie asked unsteadily, yet still finding a way to be unfailingly him.

I turned around to give him a confused look and was met with just as concerned of a face from Mike. “What do you mean?” I asked, as I turned back to face the little boy, but he was gone. I had to be going fucking crazy. Who the fuck was that?

It must have been relevant on my face that whatever I had been talking to was now gone. “W-what d-did you j-just s-see, Will?” Bill asked, much more nervously than he was before, if his increased stutter was any way to measure.

“Do you have another little brother?” Bill’s eyes went wide.

“Y-you sa-saw G-Georgie?” I watched as his adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed the lump in his throat.

“But Georgie’s dead,” Richie said without sympathy. I shot him a disapproving look—I almost slapped him. But Mike beat me to it—before turning back to Bill who didn’t seem to be as phased by his words than the fact of me actually seeing him. 

“I didn’t just see him, I talked to him. He told me that I need to protect you because he’s still here.”

“G-Georgie’s s-s-still h-here?” Bill questions.

“It,” Richie says, gravely. He sounded reluctant to even tell Bill. “I saw It when I passed the city line.”

“Will, did you just see and talk to a dead person?” Mike speaks up for the first time.

“ You did ,” another voice affirms. This one sounds familiar in an unnerving way that I can’t quite put my finger on, though I couldn’t see this one to know for sure who it was. “ And it took you long enough, ” they added.

“I—I guess I did.”

Chapter Text

Built on a Fault Line

Richie's POV

“Bill, honey! Who’s at the door? And why aren’t you wearing pa—oh. Richie?” Mrs. Denbrough said, rounding the corner into the entryway with a cup of coffee in her hand. She looked confused, blinking owlishly. Yet somehow, she didn’t look surprised to see me. Though, I had made a name for myself of showing up to their house at the most random times, so I guess it’s not that surprising.

“Hi, Mrs. D. Did you miss your favorite part-time child?” I asked, propping an arm up against the door frame and flashing her a big, toothy grin. This got a slight giggle out of her.

“It’s great to see you, Richie. Although sometime after 8 A.M. would have been sufficient enough,” she said with a smirk and took a long drink of her coffee like it was a desperate necessity before continuing on with our conversation. “It’s great to see you again too, Mike.” Then she turns to Will and draws up a curious face. “And you are?”

“Oh Mrs. D, that is Will, Willie, William, Wilbur—”

“Just Will, ma’am,” he cut in before I could name off any more versions of his name.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Will. Are you another sibling I didn’t get to meet yet?” She came by the question honestly. We didn’t look like Nancy or Holly so the idea of Will possibly being a sibling wasn’t a far stretch, especially with him coming with us all the way to Derry. That didn’t stop Mike from snorting behind me. My cheeks burned bright red and I just know Will probably looks like he wants to die, but I can’t risk looking over at him right now if I want to attempt to keep my cool.

“Mom—” Bill briefly tried to stop the conversation from getting awkward before I spoke up.

“Now that would be quite the awkward situation, Mrs. D.” I couldn’t suppress the giggle that slipped through my clenched jaw. She took a minute to look Will up and down. I took that time to flash a quick look in his direction, as well. His face was the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. He was a goddamn cherry tomato and I wanted to eat him up so bad – and now that I’m hearing that, I see why I got a little aroused at the moment. That being said, I glanced back at her and caught the click of realization when she finally figured out what I was hinting at. I could see the slightest falter of her smile before she faked a replacement, though she never commented on her true feelings.

Fuck. Damn me and my big, fat, no filtered, cock guzzling mouth…

Mike sensed how awkward the air was getting and attempted to fix the direction this trip was already heading in. “Will was the first best friend I ever made. It was only right that he be Richie’s first friend he makes in Hawkins.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet your new friend , Richie.” She plastered on another fake smile and directed it more at her son than us three on the other side of the door, then turned to head back into the kitchen for what I assumed would be another cup of coffee and some fresh air. And maybe some weed. But then again, that seemed a little too hip for the lady.

The moment she was gone, I released a deep breath and muttered a few expletives under my breath (All of which involved some variation of the word ‘fuck’). Bill gave me a sad smile and stepped to the side to let us in. He led us down the hall to the guest bedroom where Will and I dropped off our bags before following him upstairs. It was best that Mike took Georgie’s old room. I haven’t stepped foot in there in over four years and don’t plan to anytime soon. Once Mike dropped his bags off, we all filed into Bill’s room. 

“M-make yourselves at home.” He motioned towards a few of the bean bag chairs he had scattered around the room, leftover from the last time the losers came over. He started grabbing dirty clothes off of the floor and desk chair. I threw myself down onto his unmade bed and struck up a pose as Mike and Will drug a bean bag over near me quietly. I could tell they weren’t exactly comfortable, but they would get used to Big Bill soon. 

“Hey, Bill, you plan on putting on some pants anytime soon or are we just going to continue getting a show? I mean, I’m not going to complain about trying to figure out which is big and little Bill as long as you don’t make us pay forward the big bucks.” I gave him an obnoxious grin, as I twisted around so that I was now lying upside down on my back with my head dangling off the edge of the bed.

“Beep beep, Richie!” He exclaimed with wide, realizing eyes and a rapidly flushing face, grabbing the pajama pants that laid on the floor beside my head before smacking me with them.

Will was rolling his eyes at my antics, but I could see the slightest tinge of blush creeping up Mike’s cheeks (and you better believe I saw him staring) that I would definitely have to catalog for a later time because my mind is too fucked to even begin to process what that means (I know what it means. Bow chicka wow wow). I rolled over on my stomach and propped myself up on my arms. “So, Billiam, our most fearless leader, what is your plan?”

“Y-you’re the ones t-that s-showed up on my d-doorstep this morning. S-shouldn’t it be your p-plan?” He joked and finally turned around after getting fully dressed.

“My dear Bill, I’m not talking about the fun adventures we could get up to in our most gracious presence. I’m talking about the whole return of the killer clown issue.”

“Are you s-sure you aren’t j-just imaging t-things, d-dipshit?” Bill huffed as he threw himself down beside me on his bed. But even I could see the worry building in his eyes. No one, and I mean no one, would take this more seriously than Bill. 

“Look who’s the trashmouth now,” I gave him a wink before getting a room full of annoyed glares, so I continued on, “I would be willing to entertain the idea that I am crazy. I mean hell, I am pretty fucked up in the head and with good reason. But that still doesn’t explain why Will is seeing and hearing the Derry dead. Also, now that I think of it, that's a great idea for a band name.”

“It is the clown, right?” Will piped up, just barely above a whisper, like he was about to admit one of his deepest, darkest secrets. Also, was he here two seconds ago when I went on about the killer clown shit? He’s definitely spacing with all of this right now.

“Y-yes…” Bill replied, hesitantly.

“Then I saw It, too.” Will let out a short breath and attempted to swallow down the bit of fear that was building up with the statement. 

Bill shot a piercing looking in my direction. He must have seen the worry on my face. Because Christ-on-a-cracker, I brought them into this. My own brother and boyfriend. It’s nothing they haven’t seen, which is a mind fuck all in it’s own, but I still feel liable for it all. They shouldn’t be having to deal with this. Bill’s face softened with the recognition. “F-fine. Just go w-wait in the clubhouse. I’ll m-make s-sure the others m-meet us there.”

With a morbidly enthusiastic nod, I jumped off the bed and made sure we had everything we needed for the day stuffed into a backpack. No more going into shit empty handed like we did the first time. Yeah, the sewage pile provided quite the weapon arsenal, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared (even if I still can't seem to get my hands on a bazooka). 

Bill was well on his way and we were about halfway down the stairs when I realized a major component we were missing. “Well fuck me raw!” I cursed, sweeping the hair up off of my forehead in frustration. Suddenly aware that we were still in the Denbrough’s house, I quickly raised a hand to cover my mouth, hoping that Mrs. D. didn’t happen to catch the classic trashmouth.

Will cocked an eyebrow at me and stifled out a quick laugh. Pink blush slowly rose up his cheeks. The dirty minded fucker. I mean… no. No, no, no. Not the time to think like that. “What’s wrong?” Though his question came out pretty breathy due to his laughs he couldn’t hold back.

“We don’t have bikes.”

“Fuck, that’s a long walk,” Mike sighed, remembering just how far the clubhouse was from Bill’s house.

“You two know we drove a car here right?” Will said in his smartass tone he tends to use when he already knows he’s right without even having to ask the question.

“I knew we brought you for some reason, Willard!” I reached up to scruff his hair and he sent me a nasty eye roll, followed by an unavoidable smile. I took a quick glance around to make sure no unwanted eyes were around before pressing the wettest kiss I could conjure up on his cheek. Then I whispered into his ear, “and other reasons.” I wiggled my eyebrows and started heading for the car. “We won’t be able to make it the full way there, but we can stop around the kissing bridge!”

***

We parked on a gravel shoulder just on the other side of the kissing bridge and took off on foot across it. The clubhouse was hidden down in the woods about a half mile off the road and wouldn’t take too long for us to make it there. Hopefully we would make it before any of the other losers arrived, but Bill left quite a while before us, so our chances were thin.

Mike came to a halt just over midway across the bridge. I nearly plowed through him, but stopped myself by grabbing him by the shoulder. “Watch where you’re going, Rich!” He yelled with a don’t tempt me glare.

“You’re the one that stopped in the middle of the bridge!” I threw my hands up in the air to add the slightest bit of dramatic effect. Though Mike’s anger didn’t last long as he took another look at the carvings on the bridge. 

When he turned back towards me, he had the biggest smirk that I just knew was going to lead to trouble because it was a smirk I have worn many times myself. “Richie, how many times did you carve your own name into this bridge?” The question was absurd. Not only was he assuming the initials were mine, but he also assumed that no one else would even write my name besides myself.

“I swear it was only once,” I said, holding my head high and proud. 

It only got me a yeah right look, which confused me until I saw the second R that he was motioning to. “Yeah? And how many people have R names in Derry?” The cocky grin he was wearing kept getting larger and larger and he thought he finally had me in checkmate. 

There was only one thing left to do. Play stupid.

“You mean there is more than one R on this bridge?!?!” Then something clicks into place in my mind. I need a cover up. If I let it stand as it was, they would never believe I wasn’t the one who wrote the second R. And even if they did, they would probably end up assuming it was Eddie. Honestly, I don’t know if that would be better or worse. I snapped my fingers—partially because I had a stroke of genius, and partially to annoy them both. “Regina! That’s who!”

Mike and Will both scrunch up their faces in confusion, asking in uniform, “Regina?”

I grinned, all teeth, nearly as cocky as Mike, with the thought of possibly being able to get away with it. “I may have had a female admirer back in my Derry days. Completely unrequited, but an admirer nonetheless.”

“Regina?” Will deadpanned. “As in the longform of Gina. Which is then the last part of vagina. You know, that thing that you are as opposed to as the Mind Flayer was to heat.”

My jaw just about created a crater with how far it dropped into that bridge. “How… how did—what… what the fuck just happened? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend? You are putting the local trashmouth to shame.” Will looked pleased with a smug grin painted across his face. “Mike? Slap me like you would Elijah’s ass. I need to make sure this moment is real.”

“I would NOT slap Elijah’s ass!” Mike declared emphatically. “We are friends! That’s it!”

I rolled my eyes, not believing it for one bit. If the almost kiss I walked out the front door on a few weeks ago was any sign, then friends doesn’t quite cut it. Soon to be fuck buddies? Maybe. Boyfriends? Could happen. But, regardless, whether they are officially anything else or not isn’t my problem. Rather than fighting though, I dug a bit deeper. “Fine then. Slap me like you slapped Troy’s ass— OW! Why’d you punch me? That hurt like a mother fucker! I forgot you two were kinky as shit, but damn!”

Mike glared at me with his nostrils flared. “Do. Not. Fucking. Joke. About. Him.”

Seeming to be enjoying the bickering, Will pipes up, “Whoever this person is inside my head thought it was pretty funny.”