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Language:
English
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Published:
2022-08-18
Completed:
2022-10-14
Words:
592
Chapters:
5/5
Comments:
6
Kudos:
44
Bookmarks:
2
Hits:
905

Soft Shells

Summary:

The bursts of my feelings for Dean, Cas, Jensen and Misha in the shape of little emotional poems:

ch1: tongue-tied (Jensen is away, texting Misha, but not saying what he actually means to)
ch2: fri-sun-saturday (Inspired by Jensen arriving at JIB12 sleep-deprived and then holding Misha for a moment when they're on stage together)
ch3: a sunday smile: Jensen's little smile at the end of dencon2022 J2 panel when the fan says Misha's name
ch4: Dean was not planning to fall for Castiel. It just... happened.
ch5: Jensen after long day filming at NM missing Misha

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: tongue-tied

Summary:

Away from each other, Jensen is saying things to Misha, but maybe not the thing that he really wants to.

Notes:

something in the cockles server made this form in my mind all on its own.
I guess that's how poetry happens?

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Saw these and thought of you,” chimes my phone
“Size ten? Ten and a half?”
yelling for my son to grab his lunch box I take a peek:
the sneakers are gorgeous but they’re not my type
and that’s how I know
something is a little wrong
in his afternoon.

“I burnt my tongue with coffee today,” comes around lunch time
“Didn’t want to offend anyone asking for iced.”
I smile at my daughter finishing her beans,
and my heart doesn’t beat funny at the thought.

“Third rond was on me,” as I’m reading a bedtime story with my son
“Doin doubbl shots now,” when I kiss my daughter’s forehead good night
and the “Caipirinhaaaa baby,” that I tuck away
before I walk out
my rolling luggage squeaking along the floor
smiling at my ex-wife who doesn’t look up;
she’s too busy noting down the new swimming schedule.

In the dark staleness of my car,
the key halfway in the ignition,
I look at the trail of smiley faces
snorting, grimacing, rolling on the floor,
and ignore the tightness in my chest
when his sunny voice asks me to leave a message.

I turn off my phone for take off
flying a distraction away
but I stall and wait a little more
for the I miss you
that never comes.

 

Notes:

thanks for giving it a go and I hope it made some sense. comments and kudos are highly, highly appreciated!
in case it didn't make sense, I vaguely imagined Jensen being away in Brazil and messaging Misha but not saying what he actually was meaning to say for whatever reason and I made myself a little sad.
Thank you to YoYo, Tess, Bae, and Sesh for taking a look at this for me :)

I am avengersNewB on tumblr, come talk to me!

Chapter 2: fri-sun-saturday

Summary:

When Misha comes to the stage after Jensen's panel, he wraps his hands around Jensen and holds him close. Jensen holds Misha for a moment, not willing to let go.

Notes:

oh well, Jensen is sleep-deprived and he looked very in his feels when he said 'we don't deserve this life, we have to keep earning it every day.' then wiggle said something in the cockles server that caused another poem.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Girl advice?” I ask.
“Boy advice?”
My thoughts scramble forward,
curl back,
my words crashing together
in waves of sleep deprivation.

“We don’t deserve this life,”
someone says with my voice
I hum in agreement and I wonder:
Will I one day earn the centre of this orbit,
finally,
after two thousand more of these sleepless times?

Something feels a little painful in my chest
and I’m clutching at my mic
when the solid of your body finds mine.
you twirl me around
- the centre of my orbit -
and I hold on.

I have to move
I feel the pull
and I hear them call
but I need this
the gravity of your mass
for one moment longer.

Notes:

thanks for giving it a go and I hope it made some sense. comments and kudos are highly, highly appreciated!
I’m avengersNewB on tumblr, come talk to me!

Chapter 3: a sunday smile

Summary:

Jensen's little smile at the end of J2 panel, when the fan mentioned Misha's name.

Chapter Text

In a sleepy Sunday afternoon
when the world is a little dark
when I’m tired, I’m stuck
counting the minutes,
the seconds,
for the last question of this monkey dance,
someone says your name
out of the blue
your light shines through
and it warms my core
every inch of my skin
every bit of my soul
I smile.

Chapter 4: happening

Summary:

Dean was not planning to fall for Castiel. It just... happened.

Notes:

bri in the cockles server mentioned Jensen being thirsty for Misha from day 0 while we were observing the gifs from early season four and this thing happened, which is more destiel than cockles but also... we all know destiel happened because of cockles right? :))

Chapter Text

I didn’t plan to love you;
you happened to me.
In a trench coat
with that dark, ruffled hair,
that I’ll never stop longing for.

You were just there:
confused, sparkly eyes, glorious,
and I tumbled into you
like I was fourteen again,
rolling down green hills.

Like I was walking along the edge of a desert,
thirsty,
and you were water.

Chapter 5: missing you

Summary:

After a long day filming in NM, Jensen is missing Misha... a lot.

Notes:

once again, cockles server's fault. Nammi said something about Jensen posting a Misha pic and this happened.
I made myself cry at the end so... be warned :)

Chapter Text

It’s late
I’m beat, my feet numb, my body aching in places I’d forgotten I had
but my head is on fire,
awake, reeling, yearning.

I snatch my phone from the bedside table
and go back through my photos
smiling at my kids making the most adorable faces,
my wife’s badass pose in her pjs warming my heart.
And then I find you,
wrapped in my pink blanket that was too girly for me
but cozy enough just for you,
sprawled on our gray couch,
munching a late night snack,
and failing to keep quiet enough not to wake me up.

I zoom on your grainy face and bring it to my lips,
tears rolling down
longing for your hair,
your hands,
your words.
For the days that passed and never came back.

Notes:

thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. please tell me what you think, kudos and all kind of comments are highly appreciated :)
I'm avengersNewB on tumblr, come talk to me!