Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cas fidgeted with his shirt sleeves as he waited for an answer at the door of the small house in front of him. He sighed and glanced over at Bal, his best friend, who grinned cheekily. 

“What’s the matter Cassie, getting cold feet?” 

“No…I just wish you were staying here, and then we could room together and  I wouldn’t have to be moving and getting acquainted with a whole new person. What if he’s a total jerk who—“

The door swung open before Cas could finish his sentence, revealing a smiling redhead who took one look at them and called “Dean! Your new roommate’s here! Move your ass, handmaiden!” 

“Good lord, Charlie, I’m coming! Maybe introduce yourself next time before you start yelling.” A slender, brown-haired man bounded into view, reaching up to tug playfully on “Charlie’s” ear before turning his gaze on Cas and Bal, his green eyes sparkling. Cas stared, stunned by this unexpected freckled beauty of a man, and didn’t realize that his mouth had dropped open until Dean spoke, a roguish grin spreading across his face. “I take it you’re Cas? Cas Novak?” 

Cas coughed and cleared his throat, feeling a blush work its way across his face. “Um yeah…yes. I’m Castiel Novak, and this is my friend Balthazar. He accompanied me to make sure everything was “on the up and up.” He raised his fingers in “air quote” motions and Dean laughed heartily. 

“Well then, Castiel and Balthazar. Won’t you come in to examine my humble dwelling and see if it’s up to your standards?” He winked and stepped aside, motioning for them to come in. “Oh and Charlie and I just finished making cookies. Help yourself!” 

“Oh and he bakes? He’s a keeper, Cassie. Move in immediately.” Bal muttered as he shouldered past Cas through the doorway. Cas followed, still not able to find words as his eye caught Dean’s ass, enveloped in tight black jeans and all rational thought left him, before realizing what he was doing and immediately snapped his eyes back up and looked around the room. 

The living room was small, but cozy, with two well-worn comfortable couches, a giant bean bag chair, and twinkle lights strung up around the room. Cas smiled at the welcoming sight, and trailed after the others, who had gathered around the bar counter that separated the living room and kitchen, and were munching on cookies. He picked up one and bit into it, then closed his eyes and sighed contentedly as he chewed on the delicious treat. His eyes flew open when he heard a chuckle, and he flushed again as Dean watched him swallow and grinned widely. 

“So, did that sell you on the place? Or do you want a house tour first?” Dean waved his hand down the short hallway and Cas nodded. 

“Sure, I’d like that. Oh….and would it be ok if I brought a few pieces of furniture? Like a TV and a couple of outdoor chairs? I know you mentioned a backyard but I don’t want to impose.” 

“Oh a TV would be awesome! Charlie took theTV when she moved out, cause it was hers, and I’ve just been watching stuff on my phone.  Which is fine but I’d really rather watch Han Solo fly the Millenium Falcon on a larger screen, ya know? Oh, and the outside furniture is definitely a yes. When we’re not being suffocated by this heat we can sit out and there by a fire and shoot the shit like a couple of old cowboys. Oh and here’s your room!” 

Cas chuckled as Dean ended his speech and took a breath, then ducked his head inside and scanned the four walls of the bedroom. “Looks nice. Everything I have should fit in here fine. Where’s your room?” 

“Well normally I’d want you to take me out for a burger first but I’ll make an exception this time.” Dean winked and Cas flushed all the way up to the roots of his dark, tousled hair.

“Oh…I didn’t mean like that ! I’m just…um…curious about where you were…uh, located?”’He stuttered out. Why couldn’t he get himself together? Damn Dean and his casual flirting. Surely he couldn’t be serious, but he was flustering the hell out of a normally calm, cool, collected Cas. 

Dean’s eyes widened. “Oh no man, I’m sorry. I’m just teasing, and sometimes I go a little overboard. Lisa tells me all the time I need to stop before I give somebody the wrong idea and I guess she was right. I won’t do it if it makes you uncomfy, it just tends to be second nature at this point; especially since I tend to find being a little extra friendly with customers at the salvage yard where I work. Always works in my favor for tips.” 

 “Lisa?“ Cas asked, tilting his head. 

“Oh yeah, my girlfriend. I was going to ask if you were fine with her being around sometimes, she tends to come over on the weekend. She lives a couple hours from here so it just depends on her work schedule.” 

A little flash of disappointment ran through Cas for a split second and he was thankful Charlie made a reappearance just then. 

“So… Cas, is it? Charlie at your service. Sorry about the shouting in your face earlier! Has Dean charmed you into splitting the rent with him yet? Cause let me tell you…” she clapped Dean on the shoulder. “This one? He may have his annoying qualities, like singing much too loudly to Zeppelin in the shower and teasing me about my Princess Leia tattoo, but he’s the best roommate I’ve ever had! Plus you basically get the added benefit of some of the best meals ever, and the best snacks with movie nights—as long as you help out with the dishes afterwards.” 

Cas couldn’t help but chuckle. Charlie seemed like a bright ray of sunshine, and he immediately felt like she could be a kindred spirit. 

“I’m sorry, did you say you had a Princess Leia tattoo?” 

Dean smirked. “Yes, and not only Princess Leia, but Princess Leia in the slave bikini…. straddling a twenty sided die.” 

“Hey! As I’ve repeatedly said, I was drunk and it was Comic Con!” Charlie punched Dean in the arm. “And don’t even act like you haven’t gotten a couple in-the-moment tattoos yourself.”

“Well we’ve all been there. Isn’t that right, Cas?” Dean chuckled as he ruffled Charlie’s hair. 

Cas laughed. “I mean I haven’t been in a drunk Comic Con situation, but I was once convinced by Bal to try to sneak backstage at a Taylor Swift concert. That uh…might’ve ended with an arrest. No tattoos though.” 

“Well, hang around with us and you might end up with a tattoo on your ass like Dean here!” Charlie laughed brightly and then pulled her phone out. “Oh I’ve got to meet Jo! I told her I wouldn’t be late again and I’m a woman of my word. Cas, if you do decide to move in after all this, we’ve got to have a movie night! Later bitches!” She grabbed her purse off the couch and raised her hand in the Live Long and Prosper sign as she called out a “Goodbye Balthazar! Don’t be a stranger when you’re in town either!” and then she was gone. 

“She’s very nice.” Cas murmured, turning back to Dean with a smile.”I take it you’ve been friends for awhile?” 

“Oh yes, Charlie’s been my ride or die since we were twelve, so nine years now! Helped me through my baby gay panic stage when I first realized I might like guys too, ya know? Oh uh, yeah…I uh, I’m bi. I know it’s kind of odd to just bring that up but I did want to let you know that it’s a safe space for both of us right off the bat, in whatever way is good for you.” Dean took a breath after spilling that news and looked down the hallway, avoiding Cas' gaze, and Cas instantly missed the warmth of that beautiful green gaze. “I’ve been trying to get better at being out and proud, but it still makes me a little nervous sometimes. Anyways, here’s the bathroom and you know where the kitchen is.”

Cas reached out and touched Dean lightly on his shoulder before he could stop himself. “Hey, don’t feel nervous about telling me. I actually really appreciate it because it’s still hard for me sometimes too. I’m gay myself, and coming from a religious background, I sometimes don’t know where it’s okay to be open, and where it’s not. And if we’re going to live together, it’s definitely good to feel safe and comfortable in a shared house.” 

Dean visibly relaxed and his eyes softened as he studied Cas' face while he spoke. He looked down and smiled almost shyly. “I appreciate it, man. My background isn’t religious, but my dad is a piece of work when it comes to me and my sexuality. Anyways, that’s a story for another time.” He laughed and turned back towards the kitchen where Balthazar stood, arms folded, watching both of them with a slight smirk. He cleared his throat. 

“So Cassie, I take it you’re moving in? You seem pretty gone on the place already.” 

Cas glared ever so slightly at him. He sometimes hated that Bal could read him like a book, but he knew the man was right. “Yes, it’s very cozy. I think it’ll be perfect.” He turned to Dean. “When’s the best time for me to move in? My lease is up in ten days, but I’ve got everything packed so I’m available to go at any time.” 

“Hell, you can move in today if you want! I miss cooking for more than just myself, so the sooner the better. You like burgers? I cook a mean one myself, according to Jo and Charlie.” 

Cas grinned excitedly. “Oh I love them! Probably one of my favorite things to pick up when I don’t make myself a PB and J or ramen at home. And I can move my stuff in… tomorrow? You’ve got to leave Monday, don’t you Bal?” He glanced at Balthazar and he nodded in confirmation. “So we could drop everything off here and then I can drive you to the hotel.” 

Balthazar nodded. “Sounds perfect. I would invite myself to dinner but I hope to pick someone up, or maybe more than one , at the hotel bar tomorrow night.” He winked at Dean. “You’re welcome to join in, handsome.” 

“BAL!” Cas' voice came out in a horrified squeak. 

Dean just laughed, and crossed the room to clap Balthazar on the back. “Sounds like a pretty great time but I’ll have to pass. Cas and I will just have to settle in with a wholesome evening of burgers and beer. Won’t we, Cas? That should give your orgy a run for its money.” He winked at Cas and reached in the kitchen drawer beside Bal to pull out some papers. “ Here are the rental papers. If you want to look them over and then sign them when you’re here tomorrow.” 

Cas nodded, relieved that Dean had a sense of humor, and took the papers, letting his pinky brush against Dean’s. He tried to ignore the little shiver that ran through him at the contact. “Oh, can I get your number? I can text you before we head over tomorrow. Our internet got cut off today so sending emails for communicating might be difficult.” 

Dean grabbed his phone from the counter and they exchanged numbers, then bid each other goodbye as Cas and Bal headed outside. Cas slid into the driver’s seat of his Lincoln Continental and leaned his head back against the seat with a sigh. As Balthazar slammed the passenger door shut, Cas raised his head and looked over to see Bal wolfishly grinning at him. 

“Can I help you, Bal?”

“No, I’m perfectly fine, but I think you might be able to help out young Dean in there.” 

Cas jammed his key into the ignition and started the car. “He has a girlfriend, Bal!” He sputtered.

“Ah, well in that case, no touchy my dear Castiel. But listen.” His voice turned serious, and Cas gripped the steering wheel as he knew Bal was about to say something he probably wouldn’t like but needed to hear. Balthazar was a flirt, a tease, and people often considered him flippant, but Cas knew he deeply cared about the people in his life he considered family, and that when he became serious, one needed to  listen. “I just don’t want you getting hurt. And I could see you were just a bit starstruck by that beauty of a man. Just please protect your heart, Cassie. I don’t want to see you getting hurt like you did with Mick.” 

Cas sighed. “Mick was…you know that was mutual, Bal. It hurt, but it just made sense. He’s going to be living in England, probably permanently, and I couldn’t leave here. It was better to just call it off now instead of pretending to ourselves that we could make it work.” 

“I know, but you’ve got a big heart. When you love, you love deeply. So just…be careful and call me any time you need to talk, yeah?” 

Cas nodded and looked over at Balthazar fondly. “You know I’m going to miss you, right? Don’t forget about me once you’re in with the Manhattan socialites and attending all their wild parties.”

Balthazar laughed and rested his head on the window. “Never, Cassie. You know I’ll still be calling you when we’re eighty, and begging you to go see Harry Styles with me because I got last minute tickets somehow.” 

Cas chuckled. “Okay. But no sneaking backstage at that age. I can’t risk breaking a hip when we have to run for it.” 

Bal nodded with a yawn. “A very good point. We’ll have to find some mischief to get up to that doesn’t break any bones, then. Although, considering how much you run you’ll probably have two titanium hips and will be able to outrun any bodyguards.” 

Cas snorted. “You’re just jealous of my flexibility. Remember when you dared me to try to suck my own dick when I was doing yoga that one morning?” 

Balthazar groaned. “Don’t remind me! And to be fair I didn’t think you would actually attempt to reach that far. God, the brain bleach I needed after that.” 

They both chuckled in fond memory of the absolute outrage Bal had expressed after that eventful morning, and then drove in comfortable silence the rest of the way. And after arriving home and packing up the rest of their things, they headed to their respective rooms. Cas tossed and turned that night, thinking about green eyes and freckled skin, and the warmth of Dean’s finger brushing his, until he finally fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. 

Chapter Text

Three months had come and gone, and Cas had gotten himself fully settled into his new life and routine living with Dean. Dean had proved to be even more of a pleasant roommate than Cas could have ever imagined, and stifling his crush was becoming harder by the day. Dean was just too endearing, too playful, and too damn good of a cook. Not to mention he was a good listener and helpful at offering any solutions to problems, school-related or personal, that Cas might struggle with. 

Why, oh why did Dean have to be in such a seemingly committed relationship with Lisa? Cas thought as he trudged to Cafe Eclectic, the quaint coffee shop that was a five minute walk from their house, and that lately had been a bit of a sanctuary to Cas when he needed to escape from Lisa’s side-eye. Cas had met her on several occasions, and while she seemed fairly friendly and polite when she spoke to him, she clearly was annoyed that he was hanging around the apartment after the first couple visits, and this time he had finally left the apartment about an hour after she kept furtively glancing at him while he attempted to do his homework.

“Hey buddy, I’m grilling steak and making smashed potatoes, don’t miss supper!” Dean had called after him, but as Cas had pulled the door shut he could hear Lisa say, rather loudly: “Dean can we have at least one night to ourselves?” and he had quickly walked away before he could hear Dean’s response. 

The doorbell jangled as he walked through the coffee shop’s door and Kaia, the hostess, smiled at him. “Indoor or outdoor table, Cas?” 

“Outdoor, I think. Thanks.” He took the menu from her hand. “Busy today?” 

“Oh yes. I need a break, and I know Claire does.”

He smiled fondly as he looked over towards the kitchen. Claire, one of the baristas and a talented latte artist, seemed a bit grumpy at first, but had warmed up to Cas after his first few visits. She now always drew a bee into his latte foam after finding out he was studying to become a horticulturist and had somehow gotten into a deep discussion with him and Ash, one of the cooks, about the relationship of bees and plant life. 

He turned back to Kaia. “Have you asked her out yet?” 

She blushed and looked down. “How’d you know?” 

“I have eyes.” He teased. “Seriously though, you look at her so fondly, you might as well have literal heart eyes imprinted. You should totally go for it! You already seem like good friends and she seems to have a soft spot for you.” 

“Actually, I was thinking about asking her to go on a date with me today if we get our break together.” Kaia’s eyes sparkled and Cas felt his heart swell with happiness for his friends, followed by a twinge of jealousy for himself. 

He waved at Claire as he headed to an outside table and set up his laptop and textbook. He scanned the menu but already knew that he was going to order the chicken and waffles with spicy honey. He knew he could go back home and eat supper there, but he didn’t want to endure another awkward meal where Lisa seemed intent on making him feel unwelcome in his own home. 

Besides, if I was in a long-distance relationship, I’d want an empty house to spend with Dean too. I don’t blame Lisa for being annoyed that a random third-wheel is hanging around. He stared at his computer screen, unable to focus, and allowed himself to daydream a little about what life with Dean could be.

 It didn’t look all that different in his brain than what a good bit of their life looked like right now:Friday night movies with Dean. Those had started off with Tombstone once Dean had found out that Cas had never seen any Westerns—“Cas are you kidding me right now? Sit your ass down immediately. I’m making popcorn and then I’m going to educate you.” 

Dean had also taught him how to make pancakes one Sunday morning, which ended with them both covered in flour and laughing hysterically until Dean had slipped in oil and landed on the floor. In the end though, they had finally gotten several perfectly beautiful pancakes, golden brown and covered in a delicious birch maple syrup that Bal had brought Cas once after a trip to the Alaskan wilderness. So all in all, a success!.

There would of course be so much more, and Cas tried not to let his thoughts wander too far about what could be except in moments of weakness alone in his bed. Dean being a very touchy-feely person did not help. Every time Dean ran a hand across his shoulders, Cas felt like both Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, because he had to hold in a gasp, and then after Dean’s hand left him, he’d let out a silent sigh and would flex his hand that he’d subconsciously clenched. 

What it would be like for Dean’s hand to just rest there on his back, to pull Cas into a hug, to cuddle with him on the couch during those Friday night movies, for Dean to greet him at the door with a kiss, resulting in Cas pushing him through the door to one of their bedrooms and climbing on top of Dean and--

Cas sighed and put his head in his hands. He should not be thinking these things about someone who was not only becoming a very good friend, but someone who wouldn’t be able to reciprocate. Maybe he should go on a date, see if he could find somebody to take his mind off Dean for a few hours. That wasn’t really his style, even though Balthazar had tried again and again to get him to download dating apps after his breakup with Mick. Cas preferred to go out with someone he’d developed some emotional connection with first and just the mere thought of making polite small talk with someone he’d never met before made him cringe. On the other hand, he really needed to get out of this head space. He was about to pick up his phone and text Balthazar to vent when Harry Styles’ “Golden” started playing on it, signifying that Dean was calling him. Surprised, he hit the answer button. 

“Dean? Everything ok?”

“Well…no, not really. Have you eaten yet?”

“No, I was just about to order, but I can skip it if I need to.” He shut his laptop. “What’s going on?” 

“Lisa and I had a little bit of an argument and she went back to her apartment.” Dean sounded miserable and Cas tucked his laptop into his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I just…don’t want to be alone right now and I’ve got plenty of food for us both. But if you’re in the middle of homework, don’t rush home. I’ll be okay.”

“No, I hadn’t even started on it. I’m heading back right now. Want me to grab some beer at the market when I walk by?” 

“Yeah some stout would actually be great with this meal. Thanks, buddy.” Dean let out a sigh. “You’re the best, Cas. See you in a minute.” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit, Dean.” Cas hung up and ran his hand through his hair. “ Buddy .” He whispered, a lump in his throat. Just a buddy, a good friend, that was what Dean saw him as, he reminded himself. And that was what he would give to Dean, he told himself, pushing away the sting of hurt he had felt at the word. 

He slipped back into the Cafe to return his menu to Kaia. A few minute’s walk brought him to the tiny little market and with the beer purchased, he arrived back at their little white house. As he opened the door, he heard Dean’s voice, loud and angry. 

“Dammit Dad, if you hate hearing me run my mouth so much, then why’d you call?! Don’t fucking do that! I’m not in the mood, and don’t you dare call Sammy! Leave him alone, you hear?” 

Cas went into the kitchen and quietly put the beer into the fridge, then debated if he should wait in the kitchen or go outside to the backyard. He had never heard Dean talk to his dad; in fact, Dean rarely mentioned his parents, and had tended to make some snide comment along the lines of: “ Oh, that’s a good topic for if I ever get drunk. ” whenever Cas brought it up. He had decided to not ask again, instead letting Dean bring it up when he was ready. Before he could decide if he should vacate the kitchen or not, Dean rushed out of his bedroom and yelled into his phone “Dad, don’t call here again if you’re just going to say awful shit like that!” and then hung up and flung it onto the couch as hard as he could. 

He ran his hands through his hair and gripped it tightly, then turned and saw Cas. “Oh hi, Cas.” He smiled weakly and dropped down on the back of the couch. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here. My Dad decided to call right after I called you and I am just not in the mood to deal with his shit.” 

Cas swallowed “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk to him before.” he said softly. 

“No, that was the first time he’s called me in a year. Half drunk too. He wondered if--” He shut his mouth, brushed past Cas into the kitchen and pulled the Jack Daniel’s and two shot glasses out of the cabinet. “Want a shot? I need one right now.” 

Cas nodded and watched Dean pour the amber liquid. He knew that Dean was right at the tipping point of sharing his feelings, and if he made a wrong move Dean would probably shut down completely. 

Dean pushed Cas' glass towards him and raised his own. “To shitty parents and the trauma they give us, eh, Cas?” 

Cas raised his own glass and tipped the liquid back into his mouth, then closed his eyes as it warmed his throat. When he opened his eyes, he caught Dean staring at him, green eyes blown out and slightly widened. 

Cas grinned. “Aren’t you going to drink yours, or are you just going to watch me?” 

Dean downed it without taking his eyes from Cas and he nearly forgot how to breathe. Dean took a step closer to Cas, still gazing into his eyes, and Cas could feel his heart start to pound. Surely Dean wasn’t going to try to kiss him right now, was he? Cas gripped the counter so tightly it was a shock he didn’t crack it, and he was just about to lean towards Dean when Dean dropped his eyes to the counter and picked up Cas' shot glass. He turned towards the sink and placed the glasses by the faucet. 

Cas released the counter and let out the breath he’d been holding in. 

“So, want me to get to work on the potatoes, Dean?” His voice cracked slightly as he tried not to let himself tear up. He wanted to bolt to his room but there was no way he would be able to explain to Dean why. 

Dean kept his back to Cas and cleared his throat. “You know what, I’ve lost all desire to cook. You want to get burgers and watch something fun?” His voice sounded small and tired and Cas' heart hurt for him. 

“Yes, I’ll call in a delivery order. Your usual?”

“Yeah.” Dean turned to look at Cas. “Thanks, man. I…I’m sorry for just unloading on you. It’s not fair to you.”

Cas looked up from the menu he’d pulled up on his phone. “Dean, it’s unfair to yourself to keep things bottled up. You’ve become such a good friend in the past couple months, and I’ve spilled my emotions and stories countless times. Let me share some of your burdens too.” He grinned. “You should listen to me, you know. I can pin you down on the couch and make you talk if you won’t do it, I’m stronger than you.” He flexed his arm and at that, Dean burst out laughing. Pleased that he’d brought some joy back into Dean's eyes, he turned to his phone again, when suddenly Dean stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. 

Cas couldn’t resist resting his head on Dean’s shoulder for a second, and that was when he smelled Lisa’s perfume on Dean’s shirt, and his heart sank. He patted Dean’s back then pulled away. He couldn’t let himself melt into Dean’s arms like he wanted to, not until he knew how things were between Lisa and Dean, even though everything in him wanted nothing more than to see them broken up. 

“So, is Lisa coming back tomorrow or is she driving all the way home tonight?” 

Dean blinked, confused at the sudden change of topic, then shrugged. “She’s driving back home. I doubt she’s coming back this weekend. I think she needs a little bit of time to cool off, and I probably do too. I…I don’t even know if it’s worth it to even try to work it out.” He swung the fridge door open and grabbed a beer, then walked into the living room and sank into the couch. 

Cas stared after him, a lump in his throat growing, then slipped out to the backyard to call in their dinner order. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes when suddenly, tears welled up and spilled down his cheeks. 

Angry that his emotions were getting the best of him, he sniffled, wiped his eyes, and pushed off the wall, then walked back inside. He grabbed his own beer out of the fridge, then walked over to sit beside Dean, who was staring out the window. 

“Food will be here soon.” Cas said softly. “Do you want to watch something, or should we wait until after we eat?” He studied Dean’s pensive face and then added “If you feel like talking about your dad or Lisa, we can do that too. Just know I’ll listen any time you want to talk.” 

Dean laid his head back on the couch and tilted his beer up as he took a swig. “Nah man, I hate to say this, but I need a couple more beers. But hey, I promise I’m gonna try.” He pointed at the TV. “Oh, you know what? You told me you were going to show me that Harry Styles video. The one of the Fleetwood Mac cover he does?” 

Cas grinned. He’d been playing Harry Styles around the apartment every so often, and although Dean had raised his eyebrows at first, “Kiwi” and “Only Angel” had made him a bit more interested, and when Cas told him Harry had done a cover of “The Chain,” his eyes had lit up. 

He grabbed the remote and pulled up YouTube. A few minutes later, Dean was sitting on the edge of the couch, entranced. 

“Damn his voice is just…so smooth in this. He really has some range.”

Cas smiled and sipped his own beer. “His covers are all so fantastic.” He looked over at Dean and watched fondly as Dean sang along and drummed his fingers on his legs. Dean was so beautiful. He had let his stubble grow out into a short, well-trimmed beard, and the way his freckles ran across his nose and decorated his cheeks made Cas want to run his own fingers across them and kiss each one. He clenched the pillow in his lap and sighed silently, then turned his head back to the TV screen and watched as Harry finished the song. 

Dean pointed at the screen. “I see why you like him, Cas. And the rings he wears, and the tattoos ? Proper rockstar right there.”

“I’m so glad you like him, Dean. You know, I have an extra ticket to a concert of his in a couple of days if you want to go? I can still try to sell it if not, but I’d really like to go with someone. Bal was supposed to, but he ended having to fly to London for work. 

Dean grinned. “Man, I haven’t been to a concert in so long! Yeah that would be awesome.”

The doorbell rang and Cas got up to answer it, a warm glow in his chest. Sharing things he liked with people in his life always brought him joy, and watching Dean enjoy one of his favorite singers along with him would be incredible.

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Burgers and fries downed, The Empire Strikes Back playing on the TV, and several more beers in, Dean had relaxed and seemed back to his jovial self, when he pointed at Han Solo on the screen and grinned over at Cas. 

“See that man right there? Major bisexual awakening in my teens.”

Cas looked appraisingly at Harrison Ford and laughed. “Dean, he’s a space cowboy. Of course you fell in love with him.” 

Dean choked on his beer. “A space cowboy?!”

“Dean, he wears his blasters on his belt like an Old West gunslinger, and he’s got a “give ‘em hell” attitude that would make anybody in the Westerns you’ve shown me proud.” 

Dean set his beer down on the coffee table and bent over with laughter. 

“Dude, you’ve got me figured out.” He grinned and picked his beer back up. “So, Charlie and I were both sixteen, having a movie night in my basement with my brother Sam, and I sat there, with my mouth open, while we watched A New Hope, absolutely mesmerized as Han ‘ marched his way right into your heart ,’ as Charlie told me later.” He shook his head. “I panicked about that for a good two months and when I finally asked Charlie if it was normal, she said ‘ Well it’s normal for you, but for a straight guy, no, it’s probably not normal .’ 

“Charlie is just the type of friend you need.” Cas smiled fondly. He had come to love Charlie almost as much as Dean did in the past few months. Her open loving personality had won him over quickly, and she had even convinced him to join herself and Dean on some LARPing adventures sometime. 

Dean nodded solemnly. “She pretty much kept me stable for the rest of high school until I could leave my house. My Dad doesn’t get the whole bi thing. He thinks I’m a coward for not picking one or the other, and…” he ran a thumb over the top of his bottle, and swallowed hard. “I’ve never really dated a dude, not because I didn’t want to, but I just hadn’t met a guy yet that I felt that spark with and every time I’d go out on a date, I’d just never feel it.” 

Cas laid his head on the back of the couch, never moving his eyes from Dean’s face. The laser blasters on the TV was the only sound as he waited patiently for Dean to continue. 

Dean looked over at Cas suddenly, tears filling his eyes. “That’s what he was yelling at me about when he called. He just said some real awful shit about needing to ‘ man up and pick a side ,’ and I just…I don’t think he’s ever going to understand, Cas. I haven’t spoken to him in like a year, because he pulled this same stunt the last time too. I just hope he didn’t call Sam. He’s just starting school, and he doesn’t need to deal with that.” He sighed heavily and wiped at his eyes, then smiled sadly. “You’d like Sam. He’s such a smart kid, and you two could geek out over so many nerdy things together.” 

“I’d love to meet him sometime, Dean.” Cas said softly, warmed by the thought of Dean wanting to introduce him to his brother. “Where is he going to school?” 

“Stanford. Law school. My baby brother…a lawyer.” Dean smiled fondly. “He’s a real good kid. I don’t think I’ve told you, but Mom just up and left us when I was eight, and my Dad…he didn’t handle it super well, so I ended up sort of raising Sam.” He took one last final swallow of beer and sighed deeply. “You know what sucks? This is partly what Lisa and I argued about earlier. She kept trying to get me to talk about my family, and has every time we’ve hung out lately. And I just can’t, Cas. I know it’s messed up but I just can’t begin to explain everything that’s up in my head about it. Even…even what I’m telling you is only a little bit of everything that’s happened in my life.” His voice broke and he snapped his mouth shut.

Cas leaned forward, wishing to pull Dean into his arms, but settled for lightly touching Dean’s knee instead. “Dean, it’s okay. Sometimes it can take a long time to be able to say how we feel about things like that. I mean, I have the same trouble talking about my parents, too. Maybe try to let Lisa know that it might take you a while.ee if she’ll work with you on that?” 

Cas wanted nothing more than to shut himself up at that moment. Why the hell was he trying to help Dean work things out with Lisa? He knew that if he didn’t he would feel tremendously guilty, but he also knew the lump in his throat was growing larger and his eyes were starting to burn. 

Dean sighed. “Maybe?I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like there’s no future there, especially lately…” He trailed off and looked straight into Cas’ blue eyes, then licked his lips, dropping his eyes to Cas’ own for a split second, before suddenly shifting forward and grabbing the empty beer bottles. “I uh…I think I need to go to bed.” 

As he got up and placed the bottles in the recycling, Cas silently clutched one of the couch pillows and buried his face in it. It smelled like Dean, and he drew in a shaky breath, then bristled as he felt Dean’s hand rest on his shoulder. 

“Cas? I just wanted to say thank you for listening to me. You’re a really great friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes.” 

Cas tilted his head back and looked up into Dean’s green eyes, shining in the light of the TV. “I’m glad to be your friend, Dean.” He wanted to reach up and grasp Dean’s face and pull him down into a searing kiss but he wouldn’t allow himself that indulgence, so he gripped the couch and looked back at the TV. 

Dean gripped his shoulder a little more tightly, kept his eyes locked with Cas’, pulled away and walked down the hallway. He paused by his bedroom door and turned back. “Good night, Cas,” he said softly and closed his door. 

Cas put his head into his hands, and finally let a few tears fall when his pocket suddenly buzzed and he pulled his phone out to see a text from Balthazar. 

Cassie, you up? I attempted to ring you earlier but got distracted. 

Yes, I’m up. Actually, can I call you?

Cas waited only a minute until Balthazar’s name appeared on his screen and he clicked the answer button. 

“Hey. Thanks for calling. I…Bal I need help.”

“Well, spill it all. Who do I need to kill?”

Cas chuckled. Balthazar always knew how to cheer him up. “No, it’s nothing like that. I just am having some emotional compromise going on with…with Dean.” His voice dropped to a whisper and he stood up so he could make sure Dean didn’t accidentally overhear. 

Balthazar sighed. “He’s worked his way into your heart, hasn’t he? I knew it would be just a matter of time. Well, is he still with that girlfriend, the one who doesn’t like you?” 

“Bal, I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t like me, I think she was just annoyed I was around. Anyways, she and Dean had a fight, and I…I wanted so badly to tell him how I felt, but I just feel so guilty . Like I would be taking advantage of him being emotionally fragile right now. But then… then …I thought he was about to kiss me in the kitchen earlier.” Cas sat back down on the couch and flung his arm over his eyes. 

“Cassie, listen to me. You are being as restrained and careful as possible, and aren’t trying to make a move on him. Which is far more than I can say for myself. I’d probably be luring him into my bed if I was in your shoes. Consensually, of course.” 

Cas' cheeks burned at the thought of pulling Dean into his bedroom. “Balthazar, the man was tearing up talking about his dad to me earlier!” 

“That’s my point! You are being the honorable one out of the two of us.” Bal teased fondly. “Listen though, give it a day or two. Maybe actually let him know how you feel. Maybe he feels the same way. You won’t know unless you say something and you can’t keep torturing yourself.” 

Cas stared at the ceiling. He knew Balthazar was right. He needed to say something to Dean, or he’d end up doing something foolish like getting wasted one night and drunkenly confessing and that would be even worse. 

“Cassie? You still there or did you run off to tell Dean right now?” Balthazar teased. “Listen, I know you are overthinking this but from what you’ve said, Dean has become a really good friend. So I think at the very least he’s going to listen, and if he doesn’t, I’ll fly straight down and toss him out on his rear. Alright?” 

Cas laughed. “Thanks, Bal. You’re the best, seriously. I’m going to try. Very soon. I just want to say things correctly, you know?” 

“I know, Cassie. And that’s one of the reasons I love you.” Balthazar yawned. “Alright my dear friend, I need to be up in three hours to fly to London on that business trip. Oh, did you sell that ticket?”

“No, actually. Dean is coming with me. His first Harry concert.” Cas bit his lip and waited for Balthazar’s response.

“Oh, that poor sheltered boy. He’s about to get his world rocked. And look, if he hasn’t fallen in love with you and Harry by the end of that concert, he’s not intelligent enough for you.” 

“Bal, Dean is very smart, and he already likes Harry.” Cas shot back, flushing as he heard Balthazar chuckle on the other end. 

“Alright, alright. Well, let me know how it all goes. Good luck to you, and don’t accidentally call me when you’re in the middle of any sexual exploits again.” 

“If I remember correctly, that was YOU, and I might think about it just to get back at you.” Cas laughed. “Bye, Bal, stay safe and message me when you get to London.”

Balthazar said his goodbyes and hung up. Cas laid down on the couch and fully stretched out his purple sweatpant-clad legs. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would talk to Dean and perhaps actually be able to voice his feelings. 

Chapter Text

Cas awoke to Dean shaking his shoulder. “Cas? Cas, buddy. Wake up!” 

Cas yawned and blinked slowly, looking up at Dean’s puzzled face. 

“Oh, good morning Dean.” He looked down to see he was still on the couch. “I must’ve accidentally fallen asleep here last night. My apologies.”

“Nah man, it’s totally cool. Hey listen, Bobby called and needs my help with something down at the shop. Do you mind driving me there? Baby’s still there waiting for a part so we’re short a vehicle. He can drop me off when we’re done.” 

Cas sat up and ran his hands through his hair, unintentionally causing it to look extra freshly-fucked, then stood and stretched. “Yeah, let me change and brush my teeth. Is there coffee?” He glanced over at Dean as he headed to the bathroom and caught him staring, an almost wistful look on his face. “Dean?”

“Yeah?” 

“Is there coffee?”

Dean’s eyes snapped up to his and he cleared his throat as Cas saw his ears turn pink. “Oh, yeah! Yeah there is. Want some in a travel cup?” 

“That would be lovely.” Cas went into the bathroom and was halfway through brushing his teeth when he realized— that fucker was staring at my ass . He spat out his toothpaste and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Dean Winchester was staring at my ass, AND he was flustered when I caught him. 

He sank against the door, as Balthazar’s words — maybe he feels the same way —came racing back into his mind. Did Dean feel the same way? Cas slipped into his black jeans and AC/DC  t-shirt, then opened the door. 

Dean handed him his coffee and keys. “Ready, sunshine?” 

Cas arched an eyebrow at him. “You know very well that I require coffee before I am anything resembling sunshine.” 

Dean grinned and followed Cas out the door, then turned to lock it. “I would say your only flaw was grumpiness before caffeine, but y’know some people probably find it adorable.” He shrugged into his black leather jacket and strolled over to the passenger door. Cas' mouth felt suddenly dry as he watched Dean’s bowlegged swagger, and he hastily ducked into the driver’s seat and started the car.

Dean groaned as Cas switched the radio on and “Driver’s License” started playing. 

“C’mon Cas, at least turn on some good music.”

“Dean, Olivia Rodrigo is a fantastic singer, and I caught you humming along to ‘Good 4 U’ the other day.” He smirked at Dean, who rolled his eyes but shut his mouth. “Besides, you are the one in the passenger seat today, and what are the rules again?” 

Dean’s mouth fell open. “You’re going to use my own rule against me?!” 

“Absolutely. Now what is the rule?”

Dean glared, but reluctantly said. “Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.” 

“Good job.” Cas smiled smugly. He glanced over at Dean, who suddenly flushed and shifted forward to roll his window down. 

Cas grabbed the AUX cord and plugged it into his phone, then started scrolling his Spotify. “I will, however, take suggestions. What are we in for today? A Frank mood, a Taylor mood, or an Ashe mood?” 

Dean pursed his lips thoughtfully, and Cas watched him run his tongue along those plush lips. “Hmmmm. I think I’m feeling Evermore this morning.” 

“Excellent.” Cas tore his eyes away from Dean’s kissable mouth and clicked on the album. The soft sounds of ‘Willow’ filled the car and Cas backed the car out onto the road. 

They drove in silence for a few minutes and then Dean cleared his throat. “Hey Cas, I just wanted to say thanks again for letting me ramble about all of my shit last night. It felt good to actually get some of those thoughts out.” 

Cas smiled fondly at Dean. “I’m always happy to listen, Dean. I’m really happy that you felt comfortable enough to talk about it. And you know I’m always here for you.” His hands tightened on the wheel as he wondered how he should bring up his feelings to Dean when he was struck with a thought. 

“Hey, what are you doing after Bobby’s?” 

“Hopefully having him drive me home so I don’t have to walk or call you.” Dean grinned. “Why, did you have something in mind?”

“I just thought maybe we could make pizza and have a fire? We’ve got s’mores stuff, and it would be nice to have a relaxing evening.” 

Cas' heart was pounding and his palms were slightly sweaty as he waited for Dean’s response, despite knowing Dean would probably be completely on board. They had had several fires on cooler nights, Charlie even joining them once. Those times were always when Cas noticed that Dean was the most relaxed and he knew that he wanted that atmosphere for when they would finally talk. 

“That sounds amazing, Cas.” Dean’s eyes sparkled and he shot Cas a content smile before looking out the window and humming along with the music. The urge to grab Dean’s hand and raise it to his mouth in a kiss was so strong that Cas was glad they arrived at Singer’s Salvage Yard just then. 

Although the salvage yard was only open Monday through Friday, Bobby and Dean often met for a few hours on Sunday to sort through paperwork and occasionally tinker with one of their own cars when needed. 

As they pulled up the driveway, Bobby came out the door and waved. The older man had seemed grumpy when Cas first met him. But after sandwiches and beers with him and Dean one night, when he had brought his car in for a tune-up, he had quickly discovered Bobby’s soft side as he cracked jokes with both Dean and Cas, and then soundly beat them both in a poker game. 

Bobby seemed to like Cas after that, and Dean often came home to tell him when they were going to play poker again. Cas could tell Dean was happy about Bobby approving of him, and it gave him that good feeling in his chest to have another important person in Dean’s life welcome him into theirs.

Cas put the car into park as Bobby approached and Dean swung open his door. “Bye Cas, I’ll see you in a while. Looking forward to pizza night!” He shut the door and Cas watched him walk towards the office, admiring his tightly-clad ass, then jumped as Bobby knocked on his window, and he flushed bright red. He rolled down the window and squinted up at Bobby, hoping he couldn’t read minds. 

Bobby adjusted his ball cap and looked at Cas inquisitively. “So boy, when are you comin’ around again? Haven’t seen you up here in a few days, and I’m itchin’ to take more of your money.” His eyes twinkled and Cas grinned. 

“Well, maybe next time, I’ll take yours.” He quipped back. 

Bobby threw his head back and laughed. “Now I know you’re one smart kid, but you are foolin’ yourself if you think that you can take your eyes off of Dean long enough to actually beat me.” 

Cas flushed red all the way down to his neck and stuttered out: “I…I…um...”

“Don’t worry, son, your secret’s safe with me.” Bobby reached through the window and gripped Cas’ shoulder. “To be fair, you ain’t the only one out of you two havin’ a hard time keeping his eyes to himself.” He pulled his arm back through the window and tapped the roof of the car. “How’s the car? Need any work done?” 

Cas, finally managing to put two words together, managed to get out: “No, it’s been great.” before Bobby finally released him and sent him on his way with a wave and another thump on the hood.

Cas backed out of the driveway and drove down the road, face still slightly flushed. Bobby had called him out and his mind was racing as he wondered if Dean had realized at all how he had felt. Well, it didn’t matter anyway, he thought. He was going to talk to Dean tonight and he hoped, oh so desperately, that Dean wouldn’t reject him. 

He gripped the steering wheel and refocused his thoughts on what he needed to do to prepare for the day ahead. He was determined to make it a relaxed and enjoyable evening for Dean and himself. 

                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas cleaned the house and even managed to bake a pie, which he felt immensely proud of, and couldn’t wait to show Dean. Dean had, on several occasions, expounded on the merits of pie versus cake at length to Cas, which had finally culminated in another baking lesson. Cas smiled fondly as he remembered how Dean had danced around the kitchen singing “You’re my cherry pie” into his whisk while they waited for the pie to bake. 

The sweet smell of cinnamon and apples drifted through the house, and Cas had just put the last clean dish into the drain board when he heard Dean put his key into the lock and then fling it open. 

“Bye Bobby! See you tomorrow!” Dean shut the door behind him and then called out: ““Cassssssssss! Did you make pie?!” 

Cas flushed as he came into the living room and saw Dean’s wide, appreciative grin and sparkling eyes. 

“Maybe.” He said teasingly. “Or maybe I just bought a really authentic candle.” He stood by the couch, watching Dean bend down to unlace his boots, admiring the shape of his shoulders and the way Dean ran his fingers through the brown locks of hair he had been letting grow out when he stood back up. 

Dean grinned. “Well if it smells that good, I’ll be tempted to take a bite out of it. So I’m hoping for yours and my sake that there actually is a pie.” He clapped Cas on the shoulder as he passed, and Cas stared after his retreating back, hoping desperately that the night would end in Dean wrapping those two strong arms around him and pulling him into the embrace Cas had been longing for. 

Dean poked his head into the kitchen then grinned back at Cas. 

“Apple pie? Cas, have I told you you’re the best?”

Cas fidgeted with the couch and smiled shyly. 

“There’s ice cream in the freezer, too.” He walked past Dean letting his hand brush against Dean’s shirt sleeve lightly, feeling a little shiver run through him. “So, pizza dough? Want to get started on it?” 

Dean grinned widely and clapped his hands together. “Aye, aye Cap’n, let’s get this cooking show on the road.” 

                             ~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later, the pizza dough was risen, shaped, and put into pans.  Cas and Dean were now assembling their toppings and chatting about the upcoming concert. 

“So, have you been to one before? Because they look amazing.” Dean sprinkled cheese across his pizza and reached for the olives.

“You looked up videos?” Cas stuck his finger in his mouth to lick off the sauce, then moved to the sink to wash his finger. When Dean didn’t answer, he glanced over and saw Dean’s eyes concentrated on his mouth, a slow blush creeping up Dean’s neck. Cas stared, fascinated, as it reached the tips of Dean’s ears, slowly running his tongue along his lips. 

Dean made a half choked, half coughing sound, and Cas tore his eyes away and casually picked up a handful of cheese to sprinkle across the pizza in front of him. The air suddenly felt heavy and warm, and he pushed his sleeves up. He could feel his heart pounding. 

“Uh…yeah, I looked up a couple songs. Oh! Medicine? That song is amazing! And the concert I saw where he sang it looked incredible .” Dean looked over at Cas' pizza and raised his eyebrows. “Pineapple?! Castiel Novak, we live in a society!” 

Cas arched a single eyebrow at Dean and crossed his arms. “Yes we do, and the society I live in likes pineapple on pizza.” 

Dean sighed and opened the oven door. “I can’t believe I’m even letting you put your pizza near mine.” He slid their pizzas in, shut the door, and set the timer. 

Cas leaned against the counter. “I made you pie, though. I feel like that should balance things out for us.” 

Dean chuckled, then stretched his back, causing his shirt to ride up a bit. As Cas saw freckles dancing across a strip of skin, his brain immediately ground to a halt. 

He could hear Dean continue to speak, but it sounded far away as he stared at the freckles. All he could picture was himself closing the short distance between them and pushing Dean against the counter, dropping to his knees and pushing Dean’s shirt further up. He’d run his tongue along those freckles, tracing them over and over, then reach for Dean’s belt and…

“Cas?” 

Cas’ head snapped up and all the blood currently flowing south rushed to his face as he realized he had not heard one word Dean had spoken in the last minute. And now Dean was looking at him, waiting for a response. The realization that he was also half hard made his blush worse, and he abruptly turned away from Dean, taking the dishes from the counter and placing them in the sink. 

“Soooo…do you want to make a sign to bring to the show? Cas?”

Cas mentally thanked every single God he could think of that Dean had repeated his question and that his dick had realized it needed to calm down. 

“Um, maybe? I’d have to think about what to put on it. I’m not great with witty sayings for things like that.”  

“Well, if you get an idea I’ll write it out. You know my handwriting is fantastic.” Dean shot finger guns at him and walked to the door. “I’m going to go set up the fire. You want to bring the pizza out when it’s ready?”

“Sounds good.” Cas watched Dean walk through the door and as soon as it closed he laid his head down on the counter and let out an audible groan. 

“This is going to be so bad,” he muttered, then straightened up and ran his fingers through his hair. Just then, his phone buzzed and he picked it up from the counter to see a text from Balthazar. 

Any luck yet, my dear Cassie? Don’t answer this if you’re in the middle of any sexual hi-jinks.

Cas rolled his eyes and smiled fondly. “Idiot.” 

You’re an idiot. I hope you know that. And no, I haven’t told him yet. Maybe in the next hour or so. Bal, I’m so nervous. 

Listen, Cassie. You’re going to sweep him off his feet and if not, you go get a pint of your favorite ice cream, I’ll buy you a hotel room, and we can watch-party the trashiest TV I can think of. Capiche?

Yeah, I capiche. Cas suddenly wished desperately that Balthazar was there so he could get a hug from him. His phone buzzed again, and he glanced down. 

Good luck, my dear boy. Let me know how it goes. 

Thanks, Bal. 

He placed his phone on the counter, and stood staring at the timer as it counted down, his fingers restlessly rubbing his sleeves. 

“Alright, now or never.” He whispered to himself as the timer went off. He pulled the pizza out, cut it up, slid some onto plates, then carried it through the back door. 

As the door shut behind him, he looked across the yard to see Dean, crouched by the fire. Cas stopped in his tracks and stared. The flames leaped up and illuminated Dean’s face, his green eyes shining, and a soft smile curved his lips upward while he gazed into the flames. His freckles seemed to dance in the firelight— Like stars, Cas thought. He wanted to walk across to Dean and pull him into a gentle kiss, then hold him while they both snuggled by the warmth of the fire. 

He instead placed the pizza on the small outdoor table and then crossed the yard to Dean. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he joined Dean to gaze at the fire. They silently enjoyed the warmth of the flames for a few minutes, and when Cas turned his head to glance at Dean, he realized Dean was staring back at him. His eyes were soft and his expression was fond, but slightly sad. 

Dean jerked his head down when he realized he made eye contact with Cas, then glanced over at the table. 

“So, ready to devour some pizza, Cas?” 

Cas nodded, his stomach fluttering from nerves. He sat down in one of the chairs Dean had placed by the fire, then smiled up at him  when handed a plate of pizza. Eat first, then talk. He thought, and bit into the pizza. He tilted his head back to look up at the stars that were just starting to come out. It was going to be a good night. 

                               ~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, they had finished their pizza and devoured several s’mores. Happy and full, they were swapping stories of high school adventures and laughing at their younger selves. 

“And then, Bal just decided to streak right down the street! In our hometown! You should’ve seen his mom chasing him, yelling at him at the top of her lungs. He got grounded for a whole month after that one.”  Cas chuckled softly while Dean threw his head back and laughed heartily. 

“He sounds like such a wild card but a whole lot of good time.” Dean tossed another log in the fire. “Did you and him ever…ya know?” 

“Dean!” Cas laughed and smacked Dean’s arm. “No, not even once. He did kiss me one time when we were both drunk, but that was it. Bal is just extra affectionate with people too. There wasn’t any sort of meaning like that behind it.” He shook his head and smiled fondly at the chaotic memory. 

“No, he’s always been more of a sort of protector and listener and just…one of the best friends I could ask for. He took me in when I got kicked out when I was sixteen, and I stayed with him until I was twenty and met Mick. Then, after Mick and I broke up, I moved back in with him.” Cas bit his lip and stared into the fire, mentally kicking himself for bringing up Mick and sadder times. 

“What was Mick like?” Dean’s voice sounded slightly strained, and Cas glanced over at him but his face was too concealed by shadows to read his expression. 

“Mick was…he was great in many ways. Considerate and kind, and a great listener. But he just always wanted something more than just me and staying here. So when the job offer in England came up, I think it was a relief for him. He had a good excuse then.” Cas' voice got smaller. “Probably sounds a little bitter to say that, but it hurt a lot when he left.”

Dean leaned forward and stared into the fire. “Sounds like he didn’t know a good thing when it was right in front of him.You deserve better than that.”

Cas glanced over at his friend, swallowing. “Dean I…I need to tell you something.” His heart pounded and he watched as Dean raised his head, green eyes locking with his. Now or never. I can do this. 

“Dean, you’ve become one of my best friends. You’re so kind and good and loyal and I’ve grown to love you as a friend so much these past few months.” He leaned forward and put his hand gently on Dean’s knee, still keeping his eyes on Dean’s. Dean swallowed, but didn’t move, and Cas continued. 

“But I need you to know that from the moment I saw you, first laid my hand on you in the hallway that day we met, I think I knew that I was going to fall for you in every way possible. You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever met. Not just physically, your soul is so beautiful too. You are kind and selfless and caring and the best person I know. I’ve been wanting to be with you, but I didn’t want to come between you and Lisa. I’ve been aching to tell you for months though, Dean.” 

He stopped and drew in a breath. Dean’s eyes were wide and shiny and he seemed frozen as he stared at Cas. 

“You don’t have to answer me now. Please take time if you need it, but I’d like you to be my boyfriend.” Cas reached up and hesitantly took Dean’s hand in his. “You deserve good things, and you deserve someone to care for you and treat you well and I would be so honored if you let me be that in your life.” He started to pull his hand back but Dean suddenly grasped it so tightly Cas thought he was going to cut off circulation for a second. 

“Cas, I…” Dean’s voice cracked, and he loosened his hold on Cas' hand but kept it in his grasp. “Cas, you’re this amazing, kind person and you deserve so much better than I could give you. I mean…I’m a mess, man. I’ve got so much internal shit that sometimes I don’t know if I’ll ever work through it.” He looked down, and a single tear fell. 

Cas stood up from his chair then kneeled in front of Dean, placing his free hand on Dean’s cheek, gently tilting his head up until Dean looked back into his eyes. 

“Dean, you know I have a lot of family baggage too. Not to mention the religious trauma that my brain is still continually trying to sort through so much of the time. But you know what?“ He wiped another falling tear from Dean’s cheek. “We understand each other, and we listen, and we care about each other.” He cupped Dean’s cheek and Dean closed his eyes and leaned into Cas' touch. 

“Listen,” Cas said softly. “Let’s take a couple days if you want. We can go to the concert tomorrow—No pressure, just hanging out. Just… think about what I said, please?” 

Dean opened his eyes and nodded. “I promise I’m going to think about it, Cas. Thank you for being so patient.” 

Cas stood up, then grasped Dean’s left hand once more and raised it to his lips in a gentle kiss. “I’ll wait for you, Dean. And just know, I want you. All of you.” 

Dean’s eyes widened then he shut his eyes and swallowed hard. Cas turned and walked to the door, then paused to look back at Dean. 

“Goodnight, Dean.” 

There was a pause, then Dean’s choked-up voice echoed through the night with a quivering: “Goodnight, Cas.” 

Cas shut the door behind him and laid his head against it, his heart pounding. Tears suddenly threatened to spill down his cheeks. He had so hoped that Dean would say yes, and hadn’t realized how desperately he wanted it until now. 

He swiped at his eyes angrily, and decided to go to his room and distract himself with homework. He would give Dean space, make himself be productive, and emotionally try to prepare himself for tomorrow night and the concert. 

So he straightened his back, drew in a deep breath, and walked with determination to his room. Tomorrow would be a new day, and hopefully it would bring happier feelings. 

Chapter Text

Monday morning arrived much too early for Castiel, who had tossed and turned most of the night, half-hoping Dean would come knock on his door and profess his love. But all was quiet, and he finally fell into a deep, dreamless sleep around 3 a.m. 

His alarm went off promptly at 7, and he shuffled out to the kitchen to make coffee to find Dean pouring a cup that he handed to him. He sipped it groggily, and then murmured a gravelly “Thanks, Dean,” which made Dean blush and mumble “You’re welcome, Cas.” 

It had definitely been freeing on some level for Cas to at least tell Dean his feelings. He didn’t take his eyes off of Dean the entire time they were in the kitchen together, studying every part of his face, his hair, even letting his eyes roam over his body occasionally. Every time Dean glanced his direction and caught his gaze, he flushed pink to the tips of his ears and Cas felt just a bit smug at how easily flustered Dean could be. 

He cleared his throat as he placed his cup in the sink, and Dean jumped slightly as he stood by the stove making omelets. 

“Easy tiger,” Cas teased. “So do you need me to take you to Bobby’s or is he picking you up? I can drop you off on my way to school.” He stepped behind Dean and reached around him to grab a bowl from the cabinet. He could feel Dean tense and he pulled away quickly, even though he desperately wanted to lean against his back and kiss his neck. 

He watched as Dean leaned against the counter, head down, and flipped the omelets. “Nah, Bobby’s going to pick me up. What time should we head out tonight?” His neck was flushed and his voice strained. 

“Probably by five thirty It starts at seven. Wemight have to wait awhile to get in.” Cas paused in the doorway and turned to look at Dean. “Hey Dean? I’m really looking forward to going to the concert with you.” 

Dean looked over at him, his cheeks pink, and grinned shyly. “Yeah, me too, Cas. It’ll be fun.” 

“I’m going to get dressed and head out in a bit.” Cas fidgeted, then decided he should remove himself from Dean’s presence before he said or did something he shouldn’t. So he turned to walk down the hall to his room.

“Hey Cas, I’m putting an omelet on this plate for you. If you want to eat it on your way out. I’m about to get in the shower.” Dean called after him. 

“Thanks!! Will do!” Cas got to his room and shut the door with a sigh of relief. He hadn’t said anything outrageous to Dean like “ So, want a morning blowjob to show you how serious I am about wanting you ?” like he thought he would. He stripped his shirt and sweatpants off, pulled on jeans and a sweater, then face-planted onto his bed with a groan. This concert was going to be torture. He was going to be in such close proximity to Dean, probably jostled and shoved against him all night, and he really should keep his hands to himself until he got some sort of consent from Dean. 

He sighed and got up, then jumped slightly at a knock on his door. 

“Cas? I’m getting in the shower. I’ll see you tonight, ok?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you tonight!” Cas called out. 

He stared at his door. Dean, in the shower, dripping wet. Naked . His dick twitched and he groaned again, grabbed his backpack, and flung open his door. He could hear the water running, and he practically ran out the front door so he wouldn’t start to think about Dean pushing his wet hair back, little rivulets of water running down his body, skin wet and extra lickable. 

Dammit Novak, it’s not even 8 a.m. Get it together and stop being so horny. He locked the front door and as he shoved his backpack into his car, he realized he had forgotten both the omelet and his laptop bag. 

He sighed, trudged back into the house, and wolfed his omelet down in record time. Something about how Dean made omelets was extra delicious, and Cas ate every last bite. He’s such a good cook—he’s just so perfect, Cas thought, as he placed his plate in the sink. 

As he passed the bathroom door on his way to grab his laptop bag, he froze as he heard his name coming from the bathroom. 

“Cas…..Cas…….oh Casssssss!” Dean’s breathless, trembling shout died away, replaced by silence, and Cas just stood in the hallway, almost shaking, mouth open, when he realized he needed to get out of the apartment before Dean came out of the bathroom. 

He snatched his bag from his room, gently closed the front door and locked it. Then he sank into the driver’s seat, and stared up into the ceiling of his car. 

Had Dean... was Dean getting himself off while saying my name? Cas gripped the steering wheel tightly and started the car. He felt like his entire world was spinning, and he simultaneously felt sick and elated. 

He backed out of the driveway, every single movement on auto-pilot, and somehow managed to make the 10 minute drive to school without a wreck. He knew he desperately needed to focus on his classes, but there were no thoughts in his head, just Dean’s voice gasping his name. 

What did it mean? Dean hadn’t reciprocated to Cas, but he was…jerking off to him, apparently? Surely that meant Dean at least felt attraction to him? Cas pulled into a parking space, turned off the car, and laid his head down on the steering wheel.

Now that he thought about it, all of Dean’s flushing and staring lately might actually mean something. 

“Oh my god, I’m so stupid.” He whispered out loud. But then….even if Dean was attracted to him, would he trust Cas enough to actually date him, after being hurt by Lisa so recently? Did he feel that “spark” he had mentioned never feeling with any other guys? 

Cas' heart raced and he finally decided to get  out of the car. He couldn’t do anything else about it right now, and he might as well try to get through the day as quickly as possible. He shut the door, slung his backpack and bag over his shoulder and walked towards the classroom. 

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~

By three o’ clock he was headed home again, nervously tapping on the wheel, his mind once again absorbed in the morning’s events. He had to face Dean very soon, and he felt like the second Dean looked at him, his face would reveal all his thoughts. 

“I just have to avoid eye contact with him.” He muttered to himself. He pulled into the driveway, parked, and headed inside. He headed to his room and flung himself down on his bed, then sat back up as he heard the door open and Dean calling a farewell to Bobby. 

“Dean?” He called hesitantly. He bit his lip as he waited for a response, then pulled a pillow into his lap and buried his face in it. 

“Cas?” Dean’s voice was soft, and Cas glanced up to see Dean, hands on the top of the doorway, grease and dirt streaked across his face and clothes. Cas had never been more thankful for a pillow in his life than this moment, as his eyes rested on Dean’s exposed biceps flexing, smudged with car oil. 

“Rough day?” Cas squeaked then cleared his throat. Dean grinned impishly. 

The little shit, Cas thought. Does he know he’s absolutely turning me into a horny mess right now?  

“Just trapped under cars all day.” Dean drummed his fingers on the door frame. “Listen I’m going to take a quick shower to wash this off, and then maybe crash for a little bit, since we’ll be out late. You need to get in the bathroom first?” 

Cas shook his head. “No, I’ll take a shower after you’re done.” As Dean turned away and walked to the bathroom, Cas jumped up to shut his door. 

Dean chose that moment to turn around. “Cas, do you know where the markers are?” Cas watched as his eyes slid down Cas' body, then suddenly widened, and he took a step back. 

“Check the kitchen drawer to the right of the stove.” Cas said calmly. “I’m going to take a quick nap.” 

Without waiting for an answer, he shoved the door shut then slid down it to sit on the floor. He had never wanted to jump Dean more and now that it might actually be a possibility, he was slowly losing his resolve to not shove Dean against the nearest wall and kiss him breathless. 

He wanted desperately to just take a few minutes to take care of his throbbing dick, but he knew if he did that before spending the entire night with Dean, he’d somehow feel guilty and would be even more stressed. 

So he dug his earbuds out of his pocket and decided to make the time pass with homework.

An hour later, he had managed to retain about a third of the words he had read, and closed his book with a sigh. Glancing at the time and realizing it was 4:30, he slipped out to the bathroom to quickly wash up and brush his teeth. He slipped into blue pants and a soft, flowy, blue-flowered button up, but left the top couple buttons undone and slipped a necklace that held a golden bee pendant around his neck and fastened it. 

He grinned at his reflection in the mirror. Despite all the emotional duress of the past couple days, he was excited to finally see Harry sing in person, and even more excited that he was sharing the experience with Dean. 

He walked out of the bathroom and paused at Dean’s bedroom. The door was open, and Dean was curled up on his bed, sound asleep. His mouth was slightly open, and hair fell across his forehead in soft locks. He looked so peaceful that Cas dreaded to wake him up. He silently crossed the room to Dean’s bed and sat down beside him. 

He reached out and couldn’t help but lightly run his hand through Dean’s soft, feathered hair, then patted his shoulder. “Dean? Dean, wake up. We need to leave in about twenty minutes.” 

Dean stirred, then opened his eyes and a soft smile crossed his face. “Heya, Cas.” 

Cas stood up and looked down at Dean, who looked too warm and inviting for Cas to remain on the bed without crawling on top of him. “I’m going to go make some sandwiches for us. Any particular requests?” 

Dean stretched and pulled the blanket up over his torso. “Just ham and Swiss, with that dijon mustard you bought last week.” 

“Sure thing.” Cas painfully made himself leave Dean’s room and walked to the kitchen where he quickly put sandwiches together and grabbed a couple water bottles. 

Ten minutes later, Dean emerged, wearing a soft green and white embroidered button up and tight white jeans. Cas’ mouth watered at the sight of him leaning against the counter. 

“You look very nice.” Cas said admiringly, letting his eyes drift down Dean’s body just briefly. More like absolutely delicious, he thought, but kept that thought to himself. 

Dean grinned, softly blushing. “You too, Cas. That shirt really brings out your eyes.” The blush on his cheeks deepened, and he cleared his throat. “So, ready to go?” 

Cas handed him his sandwich and then laid his hand on Dean’s arm. “Yes, I’m ready whenever you are.” He paused, then leaned forward and kissed him very lightly on the cheek. “I’m very happy to be going with you to this, Dean. I think we’ll have a good time.” 

He pulled away, grabbed his keys off the counter, then opened the door. Dean, apparently struck silent by Cas' spontaneous display of affection, grabbed his backpack and followed him out the door, practically on his heels like a puppy. 

Cas locked the front door and they both slid into the car. He looked over at Dean, who had already buckled his seatbelt, and was gazing out his window. 

“Dean?” He asked quietly. “Want to pick some music?”

Dean reached out and took the AUX cord Cas was holding out. “Feeling generous today, Cas?” He chuckled, glancing nervously at Cas. He opened his Spotify and started scrolling. 

“Oh, I can be generous.” Cas quirked an eyebrow at him. “And you deserve it.” 

He watched as Dean swallowed hard. Now that he was aware of Dean’s reactions to him, Cas was so tempted to push his buttons, just a bit. Not fully of course, until Dean actually said yes, but Cas wanted to let him know that he was on his mind and was just waiting for him. The way Dean responded to the slightest praise and physical affection was delicious, and Cas itched to take him apart in so many ways. 

Dean put on the Fine Line album. “Little pre-concert warm-up.” He rubbed his hands on his legs. “So you never answered my question—you ever been to one of his concerts?” 

Cas shook his head. “This is my first. It’s hard to get tickets and they’re so damn expensive. Balthazar snatched these up as soon as they were available.” 

They slipped easily into normal banter, but Cas could feel Dean’s eyes studying his face, and every time he glanced his way, Dean flushed and looked out the window. Just tell me, Dean. He knew it was going to be a struggle for Dean to actually tell him how he felt, and he wondered if he should’ve just pulled Dean into his room two nights ago and let his body do his talking for him. 

No, he told himself. This isn’t just a fun, one-night stand. I want to, NEED to communicate how I feel. And he does too. 

“Cas?” Dean’s voice startled him out of his thoughts and he jerked the wheel slightly. “Hey, you want to go to that parking garage? It’s like ten bucks cheaper than the one just up the block.” 

“Oh yes, thank you.” Cas pulled into the garage and paid the parking attendant, who grinned at both of them and then waved them on through with a wink and a “Have a great night, gentlemen!” 

He pulled into a parking space and they got out, practically giddy. Cas ran his fingers through his hair, and smoothed his shirt down. He grinned at Dean as he did the same, and they walked to the venue. As they joined the crowd, the air practically vibrated with excitement and they smiled at each other, caught up in the energy of the moment.

The doors opened, and they surged forward with the crowd up the stairs toward the building. Cas grabbed Dean’s sleeve to keep up with him as they shouldered through the crowd, then pulled him to a stop to pull his tickets out. 

They passed through the metal detectors and exchanged their tickets with the attendant, then wandered the halls of the venue for a few minutes before going into the concert hall and finding their spots in the pit. Dean took his backpack off and stretched his back. 

“Why did you bring a backpack?” Cas asked, tilting his head in puzzlement. 

Dean shrugged. “It’s a surprise.” 

“Alright then, keep your secrets.” Cas bumped his shoulder against Dean’s and grinned. 

“Charlie made you watch Lord of the Rings finally, huh?” Dean chuckled. 

Cas nodded. “She’s very persuasive.” 

“Yeah, she’s like a bully about all the best things in life.” Dean laughed. 

“Yeah, we should never let Charlie and Bal team up on anything together ever. I’m pretty certain the world might implode.” Cas giggled at the thought of their chaotic besties causing trouble together. 

The concert hall was quickly becoming packed and they enjoyed people watching while the noise level in the room rose as it grew closer to 7 o’clock and people were getting excited. 

Dean leaned close to Cas and whispered: “I'm really glad to be here with you.” His breath ghosted over Cas’ ear, and Cas shivered. He turned his head just a little and met Dean’s eyes, far closer to him than he’d ever been before. Cas glanced at Dean’s mouth, inches away from his own, then swallowed and nodded. 

“Me too, Dean.” 

Dean smiled, green eyes lighting up with happiness, then looked away to continue his people watching. He was so gorgeous and Cas ached with the longing to reach over and hold his hand. 

The house lights dimmed, and the sounds of Jenny Lewis’ ‘Little White Dove’ reverberated through the auditorium and they both looked at each other excitedly and clapped, caught up in the anticipation of the show. 

                                ~~~~~~~~~~~ 

An hour and a half later, they were sweaty and laughing hysterically from dancing to Harry’s rendition of What Makes you Beautiful. Harry was skipping up and down the stage picking out various people’s signs to read. 

Already tonight he had helped someone come out to her mom and read a gender reveal announcement. Cas had never been so thankful for Balthazar’s generosity as he was at that moment. Being able to be close enough to see the absolute joy on Harry’s face when he yelled out: “It’s a girl!” was a memory he’d treasure forever.

Dean leaned in and whispered “He really likes to talk with his audience, doesn’t he?” as Harry walked back towards the band and picked up a guitar. 

Cas nodded. “He loves performing and making connections with the crowd. He’s always been that way, even in his One Direction days.” 

A hush fell across the audience as the notes of Girl Crush started and Cas' eyes widened. Oh no, not this song. Not right now , his brain panicked. Harry’s cover of this had been one of his go-to songs during so many nights of the past month, when he had tossed and turned restlessly, wistfully longing to swap places with Lisa, who was in bed with Dean, usually  ending up in a puddle of tears on his pillow on one too many nights.  

“ I want to drown myself in a bottle of her perfume, ” Harry sang out, his voice hauntingly beautiful, and Cas' vision became blurry as tears filled his eyes and started to roll down his face. 

He pressed his hands to his eyes to wipe the tears away, and as Harry sang out “ Yeah, 'cause maybe then you’d want me just as much ,.” Cas glanced over at Dean, then his stomach dropped as he realized Dean was no longer standing beside him. 

He turned all the way around, scanning the crowd and the aisle beside his seat. Dean was nowhere to be seen. Had he just left? Cas' heart pounded as he leaned forward and clenched the back of the seat in front of him. Why would Dean leave without telling him? 

As Harry finished the last new notes of the song and started ‘Lights Up,’ Cas put his hands over his face and more tears ran down his face. He had no idea why Dean would disappear without explaining why. Maybe he had slipped out to the bathroom, but surely he’d let him know first. Cas ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm himself. 

Harry sang out the last line of the song, and then started scanning the crowd and picking signs to read. 

“Oh here’s one!” He put his hand over his eyes to shade the bright stage lights. “Casteel?” 

“Castiel!” Dean’s voice called and Cas whipped around as Dean, sign held high, came to stand beside him. 

“Castel?” Harry threw his hand up. “Say it again, one more time!”

“Cas-Ti-El!” Dean shouted, laughing. Cas strained his neck, trying to see what the sign said but Dean turned his body away slightly so that Cas couldn’t see.

“Castiel?” Harry shouted back, laughing. “That is a bloody proper hard name. So, Castiel! Where are you?” 

Cas shot his hand up. 

“And you sir, what is your name?” Harry pointed at Dean, coming to the edge of the stage. 

“Dean!” 

“Alright CASTIEL…Dean here wishes to know if you’ll be his boyfriend!” Harry walked back and forth, grinning widely, as the crowd let out a cheer. “So what do you think of that?”

Cas' mouth had dropped open, staring at Dean, excitement and shock making him utterly speechless. Dean gazed fondly at him, arms still holding the sign high, patiently waiting for him to answer. 

Harry’s voice rang out merrily above them. “So tell me, Castiel, how do you feel about Dean?” 

Cas, finally finding his voice, yelled out: “He’s absolutely wonderful!” 

“Yes? So you’re accepting his offer?” Harry practically ran back and forth. “Is that a yes?! We have a yes?!”

“Yes!” Cas called as joy and relief washed over him, tears once again filling his eyes. But this time, they were nothing but happy ones. 

“Well then,” Harry bowed in their direction and stood up, stretching his arms out: “Kiss him!” 

Cas surged forward, grasping Dean’s face with both hands and pulling him into a tender kiss. Dean dropped his sign and wrapped his arms around Cas' waist, pulling him up against him. His tongue swiped along Cas’ lips, seeking entrance, and Cas allowed him in, letting himself get swept up in the moment. 

He could hear Harry saying something else in the microphone and the crowd laughing, but all he could focus on was Dean; the press of his lips, the feel of his tongue against his own, and the solid press of his body against his as Dean held him. 

He pulled back to take a breath and looked at Dean, laughing as the realization that Dean was actually his fully struck him. Dean bent his head and nuzzled into his neck. 

“My kiss that amusing, Cas?” He asked, voice muffled against Cas' neck. 

“Your kisses are wonderful, Dean.” He put an arm around Dean’s waist, then turned his head and said into Dean’s ear: “However, we are in a public place and while I do want to fuck you right here, I’d rather us not get kicked out of here.” 

Dean’s whole body froze and he growled into Cas’s ear: “Damn it, Cas,” and let out a shaky breath. “You can’t just say stuff like that.” He slid his hand down and gripped Cas' ass lightly. 

“I can, and I will.” Cas arched an eyebrow at him and smirked. 

Dean chuckled and then gripped Cas' hand and  pulled it to his mouth for a kiss. “Yes sir,” he said softly and winked at Cas. Cas' heart skipped a beat, and he pulled Dean down for a quick peck on the lips before he turned his attention back to the stage. The notes of ‘Medicine’ suddenly started, and they looked at each other, jaws dropping, and then screamed with the crowd. 

An hour later, they finally emerged from the building and practically ran the few blocks to the parking garage. Cas jerked the car door open and slid in at the same time as Dean, causing their heads to briefly collide. They burst into laughter while rubbing their slightly aching heads simultaneously. 

“Well that’s a very smooth start.” Cas started the car then turned to look at Dean. “I just want to say, I know what I said earlier during the concert was very forward and I don’t want you to think that I’m expecting you to sleep with me or anything along those lines if you’re not ready.” He paused, studying Dean’s face in the half dark car, when Dean leaned forward and kissed him deeply. 

“Cas, I want everything from you. Whatever you want to give me as soon as you want to. And you know,” he looked down and fidgeted with his seatbelt, then looked back up at Cas almost shyly. “You’re the first guy who I’d ever do that with and I think that’s pretty special.” 

“Dean, you make me so happy. The fact you trust me enough in that way makes me just…I feel like I could fly right now.” He laughed again as he put the car into reverse and backed out of the parking space. 

“Well, I don’t do flying. So no mile high club for us.” Dean winked. “But you can fuck me anywhere else, Cas. Just get us home.”

Cas drew in a breath as he turned out into the street. He had never had to restrain himself from speeding as much as he did in that moment. 

Ten minutes later they arrived back home and Dean was crowding Cas against the front door, hands on Cas' ass and peppering kisses against his neck as Cas fumbled with his keys. Finally getting it unlocked, Cas threw the door open and they half stumbled into the house. 

Cas shoved the door shut then turned to look at Dean, who was standing by the couch. The moonlight was shining through the window and Cas' breath caught in his throat as it lit up Dean’s face. He crossed the room to stand in front of Dean, running his hand down Dean’s cheek and reverently tracing his freckles.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered. 

“Cas.” Dean whispered back, embarrassed. “I can’t…I can’t handle it when you say things like that.” 

Cas tugged on Dean’s chin until he looked up at Cas. “Then I’ll say it again and again, until with every fiber of your being, you believe me. You, Dean Winchester, are beautiful. Now your bedroom or mine?” 

“Yours.” Dean drew in a shaky breath. 

Cas took Dean’s hand in his and pulled him along until they reached his room. Sensing Dean’s nervousness, he decided to take charge. 

“Sit on the bed.” He commanded, going to his bedside table to turn on the lamp. “Unbutton your shirt.”

He turned around to see Dean’s fingers flying down his shirt and chuckled. “Eager?”

“Well yeah.” Dean said, “if I’m naked, then maybe that means you’ll get naked too.” He grinned and winked then tossed his shirt across the room.

Cas came to stand between Dean’s knees. “Unbutton my shirt.”

Dean’s eyes widened and he reached up to undo the first button. Cas reached out in turn and ran his fingers through Dean’s long, soft hair, marveling at the fact he was able to finally touch Dean like this. He wanted to cherish every second. 

Dean finished unbuttoning the last button, and Cas shrugged out of his shirt and tossed it onto a chair. 

“Lay back on the bed, head on the pillows.” 

Dean scrambled backwards, and when he had settled against the pillows, Cas swung himself over Dean’s legs, then rolled his hips, drawing out a moan from the man below. 

“Sorry.” Dean gasped. 

Cas leaned down and kissed him, swiping his lips with his tongue, then licked into Dean’s mouth, eagerly devouring and tasting, until they both came up for air. 

“I want to hear you. Every little gasp and moan. It’s delicious.” He bent and sucked a mark into Dean’s neck then licked over the purpling spot.

“Oh fuck, Cas.” Dean arched up off the bed as Cas moved down his body, scraping his teeth over one nipple then the other one. He reached up and pinched Dean’s left nipple, and Dean gasped again. 

“Cas, please, PLEASE.” He moaned. 

“Please, what? Use your words, gorgeous.” Cas nipped at Dean’s soft belly then raised himself up on his arms and slid back up Dean’s body to gaze into his eyes. Dean’s pupils were fully blown and he looked up at Cas with pleading eyes. 

“I need you to touch me please. Please, Cas.” Dean begged, looking beautifully flushed. Cas leaned down and kissed him softly, then slid down his body and undid the button on Dean’s jeans. He stopped to mouth over Dean’s clothed cock and the moan Dean let out made Cas chuckle darkly. He raised his head and looked at Dean, licking his lips. 

“I’m going to have so much fun taking you apart.” He slid the zipper down and pulled on the jeans, while Dean arched his hips up so Cas could pull them all the way down. Cas looked down,suddenly speechless. 

Dean’s hips and hard cock were encased in black satin panties, soft lace around the edges and top and a tiny bow on the front. Precome had dampened a spot on the front and Cas reverently bent his head to tongue at it, then looked up at Dean. 

“These are beautiful.” 

Dean pushed himself up on his elbows, face and chest flushed. “I um…I like to wear them on special occasions sometimes. And I figured tonight, with the concert, and telling you how I felt and everything, it was pretty special. I don’t have to wear them again though, if you don’t want me to. But I hope you like them.” 

Cas rose up and kissed Dean deeply, their tongues tangling in a slow, messy kiss. When they broke apart, Cas cupped Dean’s cheek and reached down to brush their noses together. 

“They’re lovely on you and I want you to wear them as much as you want.  I’m honored you felt that this was a special occasion and worthy of wearing them.”

The happiness on Dean’s face made Cas' heart so full and he leaned down and pressed soft kisses on Dean’s face and neck. Then he raised back up and grinned down at him. 

“Okay, now I’m going to take you apart. You made me speechless for a few seconds there.” 

Dean chuckled and rolled his hips against Cas. “Well then get on with it, sweetheart. I’m ready and waiting.” 

“One minute.” Cas rolled off the bed and Dean whimpered. Cas crossed to his dresser and pulled lube out of the top drawer then walked back to the bed and set it on the nightstand. Dean reached out to wrap his fingers around Cas' wrist and pulled him back onto the bed and on top of him. 

“Can I take off your pants?” He tugged on the waistband of Cas' pants and Cas nodded. He suddenly felt overwhelmed with the realization that Dean was actually in his bed and that he could actually kiss him and hold him…touch him in all the ways he had thought about. He reached up and traced a constellation out of the freckles on Dean’s chest, then raised his hips as Dean’s careful hands pushed his pants down. 

Dean reached his hand up and palmed Cas' cock through his boxers. Cas dropped his head down on Dean’s chest and sighed with relief at finally being touched. 

“Good?” Dean asked nervously. “I…I’ve never touched another dick, besides my own.” 

“So good. Do it again, baby,” Cas moaned. Dean thumbed the head of Cas' cock as it practically jumped against his waistband. 

Cas slid down Dean’s body and pulled the silky underwear down. Dean’s cock sprung free and Cas bent his head down and licked the tip, tasting the salty drop of precome that had just started to drip down the side. 

He tilted his head up slightly and watched as Dean leaned his head back in ecstasy as he continued to swirl his tongue around the head of Dean’s cock and ran his tongue along the vein that ran down the side. He fondled Dean’s balls gently then ran his thumb lightly over Dean’s entrance. He felt Dean tense then gasp as he pressed slightly harder then pulled his hand away. 

“Cas…sweetheart…can you… can you do that again?” Dean raised his head and looked down at Cas pleadingly. 

“Yes, baby, I will.” Cas grabbed the lube and drizzled a small amount onto his fingers. “Pull your knees up, and hold onto your legs.” 

Dean immediately obeyed, gripping onto his thighs, and Cas knelt in front of him, running his left hand along Dean’s thighs. Then he bent down to kiss down each of his legs andpaused to lightly suck each of Dean’s balls into his mouth then ran his long tongue around Dean’s hole. Dean gasped out “oh fuckkkkkk” and Cas eagerly lapped at him. He reached out and placed his left hand on top of Dean’s right that was clamped on top of a trembling thigh, then gently pushed his finger inside. 

“Relax, I’ve got you, Dean.” He could feel Dean tense then release a long breath and Cas pushed his finger further in until he felt a small soft patch of nerves.. He curled his finger over it, and Dean nearly shot upright. 

“What the fuck! Oh fuck, fuck, FUCK ME!” Dean collapsed back onto the bed and Cas chuckled as he withdrew his finger and watched in fascination as Dean’s hole fluttered slightly. 

“Good?” He teased as he pushed his boxers down and ran his lube covered hand along his cock. He was painfully hard by now and dripping precome, Dean‘s responsiveness making him desperate to bury himself inside him and bring them both to blissful completion. 

“You asshole.” Dean laughed breathlessly. “God, I think your tongue and your fingers are made of some sort of magic.” 

Cas chuckled, and gripped Dean’s thighs and rubbed the head of his cock against Dean’s hole, then pushed slowly in until he was fully enveloped in the wet hot heat of Dean. 

“Oh my god,” he breathed out as every nerve in his body lit up with pleasure. “Oh Dean, you feel so good.” He moved, and as he hit Dean’s prostate, Dean looked up at him, pure bliss washing over his face. 

“Cas, fuck , do that again.” Dean closed his eyes and Cas thrust into him again and again, settling into a rhythm as he watched Dean gasp over and over again in pleasure. 

He could feel himself just starting to reach that glorious edge of ecstasy and climax, when Dean cried out “Cas, I’m going to come, oh Cassssss, CASTIEL!” and he watched breathlessly as Dean spilled hot white ropes of come all over his stomach. 

Cas gasped when his own orgasm started to roll over him as Dean called out his name one final time, spilling into Dean and then collapsing on top of his chest. 

They lay in breathless silence for a minute until Cas slipped out and rolled over. He closed his eyes for a second then looked over at Dean, and found Dean gazing at him, eyes soft and happy. Cas smiled and leaned over to brush a kiss against his cheek, then sighed happily as Dean pulled him in with his arm. He laid his head on Dean’s chest and started tracing the freckles with his finger. 

Dean chuckled. “You really like my freckles, don’t you?” 

Cas grinned. “I may have had a fantasy or two about them.” 

“About my freckles??” Dean asked incredulously. “Well that’s the first time I’ve ever heard of someone fantasizing about freckles.” 

“They deserve to have poetry written about them,” Cas said, then rolled over to grab a t-shirt he had tossed on the ground earlier that day, and proceeded to clean Dean’s stomach off. “Roll over.” 

Dean complied, then raised his head up and grinned back at Cas, poking his tongue out just a bit. “Already ready for round two, Cas?” 

“You’re such a brat,” Cas lightly smacked Dean’s right ass cheek, then raised his eyebrows as he saw Dean’s tattoo, at the very top of his left ass cheek. There lay Han Solo’s gun, with the phrase Han shot first underneath. 

Cas giggled. “Well you, like Han, definitely shot first tonight.” 

Dean sputtered then started laughing. “Cas you are one funny son of a bitch sometimes,” he mumbled into his pillow. 

Cas grinned, pleased that Dean liked his joke, then ran his hands lightly over Dean’s back and bent to kiss the nape of his neck. He massaged his shoulders and worked out knots in his back while Dean made happy noises. 

When Cas was finished, Dean rolled back over and pulled Cas down on top of him into a kiss. “I like when you get all sassy like that. And when you get bossy.” He grinned as Cas rolled off of him, and laid his head on Dean’s chest again. 

“Yes, I’ve noticed that for a while now.” Cas chuckled. “You’re so responsive, and I love that.” 

Suddenly, a horrifying thought struck him and he raised his head. “Dean! Did you break things off with Lisa?” 

“Of course, sweetheart. She actually called me last night after you went inside and she told me we were over.” Dean sighed. “I kind of feel bad, because I didn’t mean to just lead her on these past months, but I couldn’t ever feel completely like myself with her. Just couldn’t open up, and then you came along and…I kept denying it for so long, but you were the one I had that spark with.” 

Cas sighed in relief. “Oh God, I feel so stupid. I didn’t mean I’d think you cheat, I just got so swept up in tonight I completely forgot about her.” He clapped a hand over his mouth. “Apparently life changing orgasms make me open my mouth and insert my foot.” 

Dean laughed heartily and kissed Cas' head. “It’s okay, Cas. It’s been a long couple of days. And… life-changing orgasm ? You don’t ever have to get me presents if you just tell me things like that.” 

Cas rolled his eyes. “How about a blow job that might change your life to go along with a compliment on birthdays and anniversaries?” 

“I think I need to test that theory. Maybe later tonight or tomorrow, just to be sure.” Dean rolled onto his side and waggled his eyebrows at Cas. 

Cas laughed softly and pulled him into a kiss. “I can probably accommodate you, I’ll check my calendar for tomorrow.” His heart was so full of happiness he felt like he might float up to the ceiling and he intertwined his fingers with Dean’s. 

“You make me so happy.” he whispered sleepily, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly tired from the long day.

Dean’s eyes shone. “And you make me very happy, sweetheart.” 

Snuggled next to his boyfriend, Cas fell asleep a few minutes later, this time with no tears of sadness or longing, only happiness and contentment in his heart. Dean’s fingers brushed his hair until he too, fell into a peaceful slumber.