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Chapter Text

"Homura-chan...?" Madoka's voice croaked from where she lay beside her, school uniform tattered, torn, and stained with blood and muddy water as the rain, debris, and detritus rained all around them. Walpurgisnacht turned and turned above them, looking hardly fazed by the dozens of rockets that Homura had launched its way. 

(Homura knew, logically, that it had to have sustained at least some damage; but Walpurgisnacht never had the grace to show it, not unless Homura had the others' help in bringing it down.) 

She didn't, this timeline, and the Incubator wasn't anywhere around to feed Madoka lies. Homura could at least take solace in that, and- "Homura-chan?"

Madoka's voice rang out again, this time with a dash more haste and worry in her voice. 

Turning her head to face Madoka, Homura gave a bittersweet smile upon seeing the girl's relief; even in this dead and dying timeline, where Homura had failed her, Madoka could find something to smile about, the girl mirroring her expression after just a moment - how very like Madoka. She stared as her partner crawled forwards, labouring to close the distance between them, before eventually setting her hand in Homura's and clenching weakly. "Homura-chan... you can still go back, right?"

Emotions swirled in Homura's chest (for she was still unused to speaking about her time-travelling, especially with Madoka of all people), but she nodded anyways, not even trying to hold back the tears that welled in her eyes. Unbidden, the memory of Madoka's first request came to mind: to prevent her from being deceived by the Incubator.

At least she'd succeeded at that, this time. 

Madoka hesitated for a moment, then spoke with the determination in her eye that Homura had long admired her for. "Please, Homura-chan... can you let yourself be happy?" Madoka's grip tightened, even as Homura went still. "Even if it's just for a month, or a week! I... I get that what you're doing is for me. And I appreciate it, I really do! But I wouldn't - I don't want you to be miserable for my sake, okay?" As if sensing that Homura's about to pull away - to turn away from the guilt of instinctively wanting to go against Madoka's own wishes, because she doesn't deserve happiness, doesn't deserve a break until she's done and Madoka's saved - Madoka brings her other hand over and uses it to trap Homura's. "...and I want you to be happy, too."

Homura's tears spill over, streaming down her face; Madoka joins her in crying soon after, but at least she's smiling - Homura feels like less of a fuck-up for that fact, though she doesn't dare take a second look as the gears in her shield spin and lock in place. Madoka draws her hands away from Homura's with a final "Thank you, Homura-chan," before 'reset' falls from Homura's lips and the world turns into her hospital room in the passing of a single moment. 

She doesn't let herself think about doing as Madoka said - it's better than the guilt of knowing that everyone's dying just because Madoka told her to have fun, and Homura's too weak to the girl to flat out say no. 

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Three loops later (she's somewhere in the forties now, by Homura's estimation), she's sitting in her hospital bed and finally thinking about her as-yet unfulfilled promise. Four and a half months, it's been, and the guilt of disregarding Madoka's request is still gnawing at her. 

(The last two loops had gone poorly; Madoka had contracted for Sayaka in the one just before and corrupted after Walpurgisnacht - again - and prior to that, Mami had lived to break down after Oktavia. Homura hadn't waited long enough to see how she would take to the news, simply called it a wash and pretended it was just a supply run.) 

...Making Madoka happy would make Homura happy, she reasons. If she can do that, and she can gather more weapons, ammunition, and Grief Seeds, then this loop will at least be worth it in the long run. Madoka deserves to be happy, after all, more than Homura does... and with that thought, she gives in to heeding Madoka's words and taking a 'break', for a given measure of the word, devoted to giving Madoka a good month or so of happiness. 

All for Madoka. 

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

The first problem she runs into is herself, Homura notes with disdain. Healing her eyesight and her heart is easy enough, a rote routine that's been in place ever since her sixth cycle; tracking down the Incubator and putting a bullet through his head is easy enough too, a simple move that keeps him from getting to Madoka before Homura's even been transferred into her class. 

She doesn't keep her information - like the fact that she needs to take medication at break - from reaching Saotome-sensei and Madoka; she doesn't trust herself to have a good start with Madoka if the other girl isn't there to approach her. 

Still, that doesn't change the fact that Homura doesn't know how to 'people' anymore.

She's used to only needing the one face: the cold and harsh exterior that she mostly uses these days isn't conducive to making friends, and it's a wonder that Madoka even wants to get to know her most loops. The only alternative is to not put up a 'face' at all, to discard her persona and simply be 'herself'. Homura already does that, from time to time, and on every single occasion it's from slipping and having another emotional breakdown, typically in front of Madoka. It's how she tells her about the time travelling, most runs.

Still, that doesn't mean she doesn't try. Homura lets the date tick by (counting every minute that passes by and every bullet she puts into the Incubator's body) and shows up to school on time, waiting outside the classroom for Saotome-sensei to announce her transfer. Homura doesn't bother listening to a word of what anyone says; she knows the routine, knows the script, and plays her role with as much politeness as she can muster - it's the only way she can act that doesn't involve breaking down in front of everyone or giving off the sense that she doesn't care about anyone. 

(Homura, however, realises that not caring about anyone isn't too far off from the truth, when the other girls - none of them Madoka - come to chat and introduce themselves at break.) 

Madoka must think that she's too polite to dismiss everyone that's gathered around her in order to take her medication, because she comes up and clears them out by announcing that she needs to go to the nurse’s office every break. When she makes the assumption that Homura doesn't know where it is, Homura doesn't correct her and simply follows. "Sorry about Saotome-sensei," Madoka says along the way - as if it's her fault that their homeroom teacher gives them more love 'advice' than actual material from the curriculum, which is so Madoka that—

Homura cuts herself off there. 

"It's not your fault," Homura says. "It's not like you chose for me to be in her class, or that you're the reason why Saotome-sensei acts the way she does." Somewhat belatedly, Homura realises that she would have chosen Saotome-sensei's class herself, if for some reason the world decided to put her in a class other than Madoka's. (And after that comes the realisation that Homura would take the worst teacher in the entire world if it meant being in a class with Madoka.) 

Homura slows her steps down as they near the next intersection, letting Madoka guide her to the nurse's office with a gentle laugh. "I guess you're right," she concedes, like it was ever a question that she wasn't to blame. Biting back her usual reassurances, Homura follows in silence. 

Said silence breaks not ten seconds later, when a flash of white outside the window reminds Homura that there's something that needs to be said. "Kaname Madoka," she starts off, before cursing internally at the fact that her habit of using full names always comes off as distant and stand-offish. "...Please, remain who you are. There is no need for you to be anyone else."

She cuts out the bulk of what she says, instead aiming for something that's a little less... out there, Homura supposes would be a good way to put it. At least it's less unsettling, if Homura says so herself. "Akemi-san...?" comes Madoka's voice, quiet and unsure as she turns to look back at her. "What do you—"

"Sorry," Homura coughs out, feeling too much like she's failing at keeping Madoka from making a contract to feel embarrassed at such a poor show. "It was just... advice." She's not used to saying anything else, and Homura doesn't really know what else to say, so - she settles on nothing. 

Turning, Homura continues towards the nurse's office, stopping only when Madoka's voice cries out from behind her. "Wait!" Homura stops and looks over her shoulder, waiting for Madoka (her dearest friend, her only love, her world) to say something, anything. 

When it seemed that Madoka's words had caught in the back of her throat, Homura left. 

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Homura found herself invited (through entirely Madoka's effort, she knew, as no Miki Sayaka had ever been keen to spend time with Homura) to an after-school trip to the mall, during the time that she'd usually spend hunting down Kyubey, hoping to keep him from making contact with Madoka. 

(It didn't work often, and most of the time the Incubator would simply take advantage of his next 'body' to slip away from her and get to Madoka, but she wouldn't be Madoka's dearest friend if she didn't take every opportunity to see her wish request fulfilled.)

Still, she'd been invited by Madoka, for some reason or another. She would tag along, and if she couldn't keep Madoka from meeting Kyubey, she could at least keep her from making a contract. Maybe even Sayaka, but... Homura breathed out a mirthless laugh as she stepped onto the escalator, knowing that keeping Sayaka from contracting was an exercise in futility. "Akemi-san!" cheered Madoka as she came into sight, and Homura had to bite down on her tongue to keep herself from frowning at the politely distant name and honourific that Madoka used.

(Besides, it was her fault; she was the one going back in time, she was the one who hadn't told Madoka that she could use her first name, and she was the one who had a problem with it in the first place. And at any rate, it was better this way for Madoka - better in that she wasn't being pressured into doing anything she didn't want to by Homura.)

"So this is the girl of your dreams, huh?" came Miki Sayaka's jab, earning an embarrassed yelp from Madoka and an interested glare from Homura. 

"Sayaka-chan!" Madoka cried, a faint blush on her cheeks - Miki Sayaka merely laughed, knocking her fist against the girl's shoulder in one of her usual shows of roughhouse affection. "I-It's nothing so big," the pink-haired girl rushed to explain as she turned to Homura, "it's just that - you were kind of in my dream, last night?"

Homura swallowed down her hesitation and asked: "What happened in your dream?" She was almost positive that Madoka would not have been able to recognise her, even if they had met when they were younger - and more than that, she was sure that she hadn't been spotted by the girl when she was keeping Kyubey from making a contract with her. So then...

"I don't know, sorry... all I remember was that it was really weird..."

Was Madoka seeing things that had happened in the past timelines in her dreams...?

"But never mind that! C'mon, we gotta go pick up some new CDs!" Homura blinked, vaguely remembering that they were going to look for music, probably for Kamijou Kyousuke. She followed along as the two of them set off, earning herself one of Madoka's smiles as a result. 

Letting her gaze drift upwards, she spotted Tomoe Mami, leaning over one of the upper floor railings as her head scanned the lower floors - she must have been looking for something. The Incubator, maybe?

Homura shook her head and returned to paying attention to the two girls in front of her; whatever ploy they get caught up in, Homura will be there to get them out of it. 

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

They first meet the Incubator (after he starts calling out to Madoka for help) trapped beneath a fallen chunk of rubble on the floor undergoing construction. Homura knows for a fact that he pinned himself beneath it. For all that Kyubey is (lying, manipulative, scummy) he isn't clumsy, and neither is the mask that he puts up for the sake of deceiving all of them. Typically, Homura might have been the cause for his body's present predicament, but not this time. There's no Mami around, either; he must have given her the slip at some point for this, which means he'd fully intended on luring Madoka and Sayaka into the barrier of the nearby familiars with no one around to help him.

Homura's attention bounces from each word that Kyubey says to the next, dissecting them for every omitted lie and each manipulative push towards the two of them signing a contract with him. She'd rather make introductions between his current body to the cold metal of her pistol, but doing that was all but certain to hurt Madoka and fuel Miki Sayaka's distrust. Mami, for her part, is likely already aware of Homura's "extracurriculars"; it's of little consequence. 

"I want the two of you to make a contract with me and become magical girls!" chirps Kyubey, and Homura vaguely notes her friend's surprised gasp - there's no time for any of them to respond, however, as the telltale splotches of shape, colour, and pattern begin to spread in the world around them.

The familiars are here. 

Homura transforms her school uniform into her outfit, words falling from her lips even as she reaches into her shield for a pistol. "There's no need for either of them to make a contract; I am here to protect them." 'Them', she says, but really she means Madoka. If Miki Sayaka were dead, then it would worsen Madoka's mood and likely cause her to contract, but it'd mean that there would be no Oktavia to deal with. An overall benefit if she can play her cards right. 

She clicks off her handgun's safety and aims at a nearby Anthony, only to realise that she'd likely hurt Madoka with the sound of her shot - with the barest hint of a scowl, she puts an enchantment on her gun, watches as the sights shift to something a hint more fantastical and futuristic, then pulls the trigger. 

It's not the best way of muffling the sounds and it's not even her favourite way, but it'll have to do.

Madoka and Sayaka both jump as the Anthony's form begins to collapse and unravel, collapsing into a too-grotesque heap on the ground for having taken just a single shot (it was a pistol, after all, and not a shotgun or automatic rifle that she'd used) and beginning to burn away into black dust. 

Inhuman chattering draws Homura's attention away from the corpse, and soon she's blasting away the other familiars as they make their approach; she sidesteps a lash of their hooked tendrils, putting herself between the creatures and her charge(s). She stops time for just a second to double-up on targets and glance behind her, checking her blind spot to make sure that there's nothing headed Madoka's way, before allowing time to start again. 

When Tomoe Mami finally makes her way into the barrier, it's already falling apart at the seams, with Madoka and Sayaka unharmed and cowering behind Homura's protective overwatch.

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

With Homura's secret out (of being a magical girl; not everything else), she keeps getting invited to lunch by Madoka, much to Sayaka and Kyubey's chagrin. Homura secures a promise from Madoka that she won't make a contract after saying that Kyubey isn't telling them everything, and although Sayaka acts like she believes her in front of Madoka, Homura can tell that she's only doing so to keep the peace. 

That's fine. If she contracts, Homura can tell her to go ask Tomoe Mami for help, and if she gets close to being a witch, Homura can say that she told her so before shooting her soul gem. 

(She hates that her way of thinking is like this, even when she's supposed to be having fun.

She hates that she thinks it's ' only Miki Sayaka '.)

Homura ignores the slights that she receives from Sayaka and Kyubey, and focuses on the smiles that Madoka makes whenever Homura contributes to the conversation or reacts in a way that seemingly only Madoka can see. Homura's happiness will come from Madoka's happiness, she tells herself - she feels it working already.

(She ignores the guilt that's piling up in her heart at not trying hard enough to save Madoka this go around.)

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

"I wish that Kyousuke's injury was completely healed, as if the accident never happened." Homura watches silently, Madoka by her side as her best friend sells her soul away. It's always the same thing, always her reason for making her contract, the only change being in the wording of her wish. 

Tomoe Mami is still alive this time - Miki Sayaka will no doubt become her apprentice in more than just name, Sakura Kyouko will arrive and pick a fight with the both of them, and they will all learn the truth behind their soul gems and bodies. She's tried it before, telling them the truth beforehand; of the three, only Kyouko has entertained the truth as fact before seeing it for themselves. Mami and Sayaka, ever lonely and ever distrustful of Akemi Homura, are yet to believe her even once.

Homura looks over at Madoka and finds her smiling, until she catches a glimpse of Homura's grim expression and her face twists with concern. "Is something wrong, Homura-chan?"

It's the first time she's used her given name, this timeline, and Homura bites down on her tongue in an effort to quell her smile. "They don't know everything," she says. "Kyubey doesn't tell them everything, and neither of them would believe me."

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

It's on the horizon: Miki Sayaka's second confrontation with Sakura Kyouko, the accompanying revelations, and all the downward spirals that come as a result. (She's seen it so many times. Tomoe Mami can put up a good enough front for long enough to actually heal with the others' help, but the truth behind Oktavia is always there to drag her down.)

Homura takes Madoka out for lunch, telling herself it's for the other girl's sake, one last pleasant distraction before everything becomes too much, and lets Madoka pick the place out. (She ignores the guilt in her chest, crushing now, at knowing that she won't save Madoka this time.)

"You usually get sandwiches, don't you?" She watches as Madoka halts, her gyudon returning to her bowl. 

For a second she's almost glad for her slip, like she wants Madoka to hate and distance herself from her, but Madoka only gives a nod and a hum before she continues with her beef bowl. "Mmmm! Hitomi-chan, Sayaka-chan and I usually go to that place at the mall, but it's closed today so I figured this would work well enough instead." Not even seconds later, Madoka despairs as she swallows down her beef. "Oh - you didn't want to get sandwiches, did you...?" 

With a shake of her head, Homura stops the girl's assumption right then and there; Madoka smiles, and just that is enough for Homura to call the day a success. "Any food is fine if it's with you, Madoka." Madoka blushes at that, and takes another bite of her lunch - Homura does the same, only internally, she's berating herself for putting more pressure on Madoka by using only her given name.

Anything for Madoka, she tells herself - even if it means keeping her as distant and separate from Homura as possible, though she knows she's failing at even that.

(Tomoe Mami's body becomes an uninhabited husk for a minute and twenty two seconds the next day, following her fight with Sakura Kyouko - the day after, Homura doesn't say no when Madoka asks to get lunch with her again.)

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Homura's there, close to the end of it. She doesn't know if what she's doing is making her happy; Madoka's in her arms, staining the fabric of her shirt's shoulder with tears as she struggles to handle everything. All she can focus on is making things easier for Madoka, on being there for Madoka. "Why did this happen, Homura-chan? Why - why did this have to happen...?" Because no one ever listens, Homura doesn't say. 

"Kyubey doesn't care what happens to us. Sayaka becoming a witch was enough for him to consider us all a success," she says instead. Kyouko had sacrificed herself, bringing down the labyrinth with the fury of an angel scorned. Homura didn't have to hold Mami back, not this time - she'd been catatonic, holding Sayaka's lifeless body in her arms. She hadn't tried to kill Madoka, or even Homura this time afterwards - likely due to the fact that Madoka wasn't a magical girl, and that Homura had revealed her functionally infinite supply of grief seeds - instead leaving Sayaka's body on the floor of the train station and disappearing around the corner.

Madoka had been moments from turning the corner when the report of Mami's rifle sounded out; she didn't need to hear that Mami's presence had disappeared to know what happened. 

"This is the fate of someone who asks for a wish," Homura says, not mentioning her own.

A moment later, Madoka speaks and doesn't let her spare the two of them from that conversation. "And you've accepted that, Homura-chan...? That one day you'll die or become a - a witch?" Homura goes quiet, not wanting to respond even as the urge to do just that grows stronger, strengthened by her rule of 'anything for Madoka'. 

Anything for Madoka, she thinks, but she can't even do something as simple as not saying anything. "I gave up on myself a long time ago. It doesn't matter." 'I don't matter’ is just seconds from her lips, and she doesn't say it by some miracle - but that's only for Madoka's sake, the only thing in the world that Homura still considers important, still cares about.

Madoka's arms tighten around her, her sobs hiking up in volume and intensity once again. It takes her a while to say anything else, and then: "...What did you wish for, Homura-chan...?"

Homura doesn't answer.

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Madoka shows up the night before Walpurgisnacht. Homura knows that she ought to scold her for being out at this time (not because it was so late, but because it was so close to Walpurgisnacht's arrival and so far away from any of the shelters); instead she lets her in, and pulls out a kettle of Mami's tea - still hot - from her shield. "...Homura-chan," she starts as she takes a sip. "I don't know what you've gone through, or why you're doing everything that you do. But - you don't have to go through it alone. I might not be able to help, but I can at least listen to you. I-If that'll help, of course, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to, but... it hurts me to see you in pain, and not being able to do anything about it."

It's eerily similar to some of the conversations that Homura's had before, but she shrugs it off and shakes her head in response. "You don't have to do anything, Madoka. You should get back to your family - Walpurgisnacht is tomorrow, you'll need to get to the shelters."

"...the witch that doesn't need a barrier, right?" Homura nods.

"...if it's really that strong, then...!"

Homura knows where Madoka's going with this.

"I will be strong enough to defeat it. There's no need for you to make a contract." Her tone is almost clinical as she speaks, eyes reflecting in Madoka's and looking like they're dead. This isn't fun at all, she idly thinks - there's no point in even trying. 

"I want to believe you, Homura-chan, I do... but every time you say something like that, it feels like you're hiding something. There's no need for you to be alone, Homura-chan, you—" Madoka's words place the final straw, and the truth comes slipping out. Homura's voice goes from steady if quiet, to fully showing how close she is to a breakdown. They're hugging each other again, this time for Homura's comfort more than Madoka's - and she hates it, feels like she's taking everything from the girl without ever having given anything. 

"That's not true, Homura-chan." She must have said that out loud. "I believe you, and... it sounds like everything you do is for me, isn't it?" More words fall from her lips but Homura doesn't hear them, still too absorbed in her sobs; it's always ugly, she notes with some detachment, whenever this happens. When she finally comes back to her senses, Madoka's still talking. "Thank you, Homura-chan." The rest of what she says is hard to make out, with Madoka's mouth pressed against her shoulder, her words being muffled for it - Homura wants to rewind now that she's deadened to her emotions, to relieve Madoka of this burden ( the burden of her ). 

Homura can't bring herself to. 

Madoka - ever too caring for her own good - fumbles around her apartment, before finding the bedroom and leading Homura inside. Their last night in this world (this timeline) is spent close to each other's warmth in silence. 

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Ripples in the water lap against her ankles, the miniature waves formed by the wind and rubble that disturbed its surface. Homura doesn't know, not really, why she hasn't gone back in time yet. There's nothing to be gained by sticking around, not after confirming that Walpurgisnacht arrives in the same place as always, even on her forty-second loop. She knows everything that Walpurgisnacht can do, has seen the fight more times than anyone else in existence. If anything's ever going to surprise her, it's because she won't be able to react in time: the cost of fighting based on practice, schedules, and sure predictions. 

She never should have listened to Madoka when she asked her to 'have fun', Homura thinks when she decides to pick up another topic to ruminate about. She doesn't deserve it, for one - and she's not even sure it's possible for her to feel something like "fun". Madoka's the one who ought to be happy, and she's not even sure if she succeeded at even that. 

Without Homura or any of the others fighting against it, Walpurgisnacht's destruction would have reached the Kaname family's shelter by now. There's no reason for her to be here anymore, none whatsoever, so why - why can't she bring herself to leave?

(In the back of her head, she has just enough time to wonder if staying in this world is penance enough for her dereliction of duty, but then—)

"Homura-chan!" Madoka comes scrambling towards her from over a pile of debris and ruined building, feet stomping and sloshing in the water. 

Homura can hardly believe her eyes, even as the girl comes to a stop in front of her. "Madoka...?" Wordlessly, Madoka comes closer and sits down next to her - Homura takes it as an opportunity to make sure that Madoka hasn't contracted, and after reaching out for the other's soul, she knows that she hasn't failed yet; that Madoka hasn't become a magical girl. "What - what are you doing here?" 

( How are you not dead yet, she almost says, before realising the answer herself: she must have kept the girl from going to the shelters with her family.) 

"I... know it's probably selfish, but I wanted to be with you. Until the end." Madoka's smile is almost cynical - Homura wants to wipe it off her face, though she doesn't know where to start with that anymore. "I can at least be there for you, even if it's nothing compared to everything that you've done for me before."

Homura can't stop herself from saying it. "You don't have to do anything for me," she says, but Madoka just says nothing and scoots closer - they're side by side, now, practically touching. 

"...why?" Homura asks after a while. "Why do you want to be here for me when I've - when everything I've done for you has been for nothing?"

Madoka grips her hand a second later, her voice following suit. "Just knowing that you've been fighting for me... that you are - that's enough for me, Homura-chan. It's enough for me to feel worth it, you know?"  Madoka smiles bitterly, like there's something she isn't saying, but Homura knows that she can't have made a contract; she doesn’t mention it. 

"Of course you're worth it," Homura says, falling back on habit as she works against Madoka's ever-present self-deprecation. "Don't ever think you aren't." 

Madoka hums like she agrees but doesn't believe, and Homura has to stop herself from pressing her on it. There's no point to it, after all - even if she's able to keep Madoka safe by the time that Walpurgisnacht and all its familiars are gone, she's likely to wish Mitakihara City back into existence the second that she's alone with Kyubey. She's strong enough for that now, somehow, and strong enough to take down Walpurgisnacht and all its familiars as well, but not without becoming a witch immediately after she strikes the killing blow. Homura hasn’t been able to handle Madoka’s witch since her eleventh cycle - she can’t even handle using her grief seed anymore. 

It's that thought that does it. "...I should get going," Homura says at a near-whisper. The mounting guilt of leaving Madoka behind in this hellscape is, oddly, enough of an encouragement for Homura to start over again. Perhaps seeing Madoka is enough for her to look forward to seeing her in the same position, only in happier circumstances...?

Madoka smiles again (this time, it lacks the usual quality of her smiles before death - Homura wonders why, but again she doesn't press it) as Homura lifts her shield up. 

"Reset."

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Homura disappears in an instant, with only a purple-tinted afterimage left in her place - but that doesn't last even a second, and in its place is Kyubey. 

Good, Madoka thinks. She doesn't really know if what she's about to try is going to work, but it's much better to try it than to leave it as a passing idea, wasted in favour of dying to a familiar or falling debris. 

Kyubey - no, the Incubator - doesn't even say anything, as if it can tell that she has a wish she wants fulfilled. "Any wish, right?" 

"That's right. With the amount of potential you have, Kaname Madoka, I'm sure you could wish for anything."

"Mm. Then..." She'd caught a glimpse of the shelters on her way over (Kyubey had given her the directions, thankfully) and... well, what she saw was enough to know that there wasn't any worth hoping for this world to turn out well. Not if Homura was to be believed. "...I wish that I..." Her own throat feels as if it's stifling and smothering her words, even as Kyubey's presence reaches out to her and prepares to grant her wish, to make her a magical girl. Madoka latches onto it, keeps that feeling close even as it gets ready to rip her soul from her body. She swallows, then finally gets the words out. "I wish that I could always be with Homura-chan, that I could follow her wherever - whenever." 

Kyubey recoils once she gets her wish out into words, but she's holding him close (spiritually, at least). "Madoka!" his voice cries, almost panicked. "Are you sure that's what you want to wish for?" 

Even as he questions her, she can feel it happening - the pain in her chest of having her soul ripped out, though it's soon replaced by sweet relief as she spots her soul gem hovering just a foot away from her. Reaching out for it, she grabs it in her hand—

Everything goes dark a second later.

Chapter Text

Madoka wakes with a start the next morning, realising A) that there even is a next morning, and B) that she's in her bedroom, which should absolutely be in worse than perfect condition. "It worked...?" she whispers to herself, hugging her arms and immediately pressing something hard into her elbow. Pulling her hand away and holding it palm-up, she spots it: the gold and bright pink glow of her soul gem, resting lightly in her hand. 

That's confirmation enough, then. Madoka hauls herself out of bed and makes it five steps out of her room before she scurries back in, leaning around her doorframe and checking her pastel calendar. It's Wednesday - she has school, which means seeing Sayaka, and...

Today's going to be a long day, Madoka thinks with a groan. 

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Even when she's halfway to school, Madoka's torn between actually going and finding Homura. Logically speaking, her first priority should be...

...

...she's not sure. Getting to Homura is her first thought, but then things might get awkward with everyone else if she skips school to look for a girl who she hasn't met before. (To them, at least. Madoka has her own thoughts on the matter, and they all prevent her from caring about how long she's known Homura.) 

Madoka's first priority, then, is making sure that she follows along with her schedule. Her second priority is finding Homura and explaining what she did, which... well. She feels guilty about it already; not about what she did, not when she can be there for everyone now (for Homura, says the part of her that thinks with her heart.)

No, she feels guilty about it because she knows how vehemently Homura was opposed to her making a contract - and more importantly, why. Homura was sparse on the details on that... time? No. 'Timeline' is a better way of putting it, Madoka supposes.

Either way, she knows what caused Homura to be so viciously against her making a contract. Madoka had asked before, wanting to know if there was anything else that Kyubey was keeping from them, but no; besides the 'why' of it all, the fate of becoming a witch was the last thing he'd kept from them.

Knowing all of that... Madoka doesn't consider herself "deceived", even as she looks at her soul gem and sees a flash of a grief seed, its shape and form impossible to know and yet burned into her soul nonetheless. 

Madoka blinks and the image is gone.

Homura doesn't transfer into her class for another week and a half, she thinks - she'll go the distance and show up to school. After class, she can snoop around Homura's apartment to try and find her.

Yes, she thinks with a hint more finality. That'll have to do.

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Madoka's plan falls apart before she even gets to school; she cries at seeing Sayaka again, and Madoka doesn't have the strength of will to face off against Sayaka's stubbornness when she declares that she'll treat her to food after school. 

Even when she takes the scenic route home to swing by Homura's apartment, she has no luck. Cutting her losses, Madoka figures it's fine if it takes her a few days - but still, it's funny that she's able to cross into a new timeline to be with Homura, only to be unable to find her in just a single city. Or... she hopes it's just a single city, at least. Madoka doesn't want to go to Kazamino in hopes of asking Kyouko if she's spoken with Homura yet. 

Out of the corner of her eye, though, she spots him: Kyubey, watching her like a hawk. Madoka thinks she knows why - she'd heard tell of him considering Homura to be an "anomaly" it had no recollection of, and she supposes that she must be the same now as well. She ignores him, even when he follows her a third of the way home, ruby eyes honed in on her every step. 

(It's harder to ignore it, though, when it's Tomoe Mami that she catches at the edge of her vision. Madoka ducks her head down, thankful for the anonymity of the crowded street as she cries into the collar of her shirt.)

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Despite her best efforts, the first thing she finds isn't Homura. The pink of her soul gem (still just a ring around her finger) glows brightly as she stands at the mouth of an alleyway, staring down the entrance to a labyrinth. She should deal with it - Sayaka and Mami weren't wrong when they said it was a magical girl's duty to protect the city.

...This is her duty, her way of being useful, she tells herself, and that's enough for Madoka to make up her mind. 

Her heart's pounding, but that doesn't stop her. She's not sure how, but she knows she won't be fighting anything so dangerous as a witch - and Kyubey had made sure to drill it into her that with her potential, she'd be one of the strongest magical girls out there, even if he wasn't sure why. (He'd said their potential depended on how important their lives were, but Madoka can't be that important, and Kyubey didn't seem to think so either.) 

She'll be fine, she tells herself, and then she's stepping into the labyrinth with her soul gem clutched in her hands. 

A pastel world of crayons and doodled objects warps into being around her; Madoka recognises it, and remembers seeing it before when she went hunting with Sayaka. This time, she isn't another girl's shadow - it's up to her to kill the familiars.

There's not much she can do, though, when she's armed with nothing but her soul and garbed in her school uniform. Everyone else had always transformed before fighting, and even if she's not quite sure what she's doing, Madoka focuses on her soul gem and herself, and then—

Her body alights in a haze of pink, and as quick as it comes it's gone. Left in place of her uniform is an outfit - a magical girl's outfit - complete with a frilly skirt and a bow-staff-thing in her hand. Gingerly inspecting it, her fingers meet the almost invisible string that ties one end to the other; pink light sparkles between the fingers that touch the bowstring, and given her lack of a quiver, she probably just needs to draw and release in order to shoot an arrow.

As she walks deeper down the winding halls, rooms, and openings of the labyrinth, she's struck by the eery quiet - only the distant laughter of familiars keeps her company, and she misses the friends that had always been with her in these places. Sayaka, Homura, Mami-san, Kyouko... there'd always been at least one of them with her in these places, and the loneliness is starting to get to her. 

Madoka's pace quickens as she goes deeper into the labyrinth, and as she turns a corner she hears it: the cartoonish hum of propellers and laughter, growing louder by the second.

She readies her stance and draws back the string of her bow; the familiar (the same one (or at least of the same type) that had been saved from Sayaka by Kyouko) flies around the corner; she lets loose, and holds her grip steady even as the bow spins in her hand and the arrow (pink and light and spectral) flies through the air, smashing into the familiar and sending it careening into the ground.

Madoka watches as it slowly dissolves and degrades into nothingness, and knows she's scored her first kill.

It's not a witch, thank god - she doesn't know if she can actually handle killing something that used to be human, even if it no longer is - but even still, it's a cause for celebration.

A sign she's doing things right.

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

By the time she's finally out of the labyrinth, it's getting close to evening: the din of the crowd outside of the alleyway she stands in is starting to reflect that, as is the orange sky that pokes out from above the buildings around her. What stands out the most to her, though, is the sense of...

Well. The sense of 'Homura' would be the best way to put it. 

Madoka swivels her head in a seemingly random direction as she follows the imperceptible connection between her and Homura. When she lets her magical girl outfit disappear, the line goes with it - she puts two and two together and realises that it's only there when she's transformed, which means she can't exactly follow it right now, not without testing to see whether or not other people can see her outfit when she's transformed. 

It's a bitter thought, that she's so close to finding her way to Homura, yet so far away from getting to her... With a sigh, Madoka cuts her losses and heads home. 

(It's getting late, after all; and after Walpurgisnacht, she can't help but want to spend more time with her family.)

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Madoka finally finds her the next day - or rather, Homura finds Madoka, but she'll take it as a win either way. 

She'd followed the connection between them all the way to an abandoned part of the city, sandwiched between a factory lot and the river that cut through the city; Madoka had gotten so close that she could feel it, even without the invisible bond that tied them together, only for the connection to turn around on her in the blink of an eye. 

Spinning on her heel almost fast enough to give her whiplash (not really, of course, but it felt like it. Madoka wasn't used to her magic-enhanced capabilities yet, and even when she wasn't transformed it was like everything she saw was a tad sharper and a kilo lighter), Madoka knew what had happened the second she saw Homura standing at a distance, pain in her eyes and a deadened expression on her face. "Kaname Madoka," the girl started, hardly noticing when Madoka took a step forwards. "Can I ask when you made your wish?" 

For a second she was confused, but then - Homura must be trying to figure out where she went wrong, Madoka thinks, and then she's practically sprinting to close the distance between them. 

"Homura-chan...!" Madoka breathes out as she embraces the taller girl. She can feel how Homura goes tense, her shield whirring to a stop - probably reflexively, now that Madoka thinks about it, but she's hugging Homura, so it's fine either way. "I... I'm sorry, Homura-chan, but I made a wish. To go back with you." ...Madoka can't bring herself to say any more, guilt trapping her heart and crushing her throat. She's crying, Madoka's sure, and her vision's too blurry to see if Homura is too, but she thinks the taller girl's jittery breaths are a good indication of that. 

A choked "reset" falls from Homura's lips with the weight of a hundred words, and Madoka jolts as she finds herself in her bed.

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

It takes her a couple of minutes to realise what happened - the severity of Homura's reaction - and then she spends a couple more crying about it, about Homura's reaction and what she must be putting the girl through with her choice. This is the part she felt guilty about, Madoka thinks as she wipes the tears from her eyes and cleans her face up with a tissue. 

She... well. She hadn't expected it to go so poorly, in retrospect, and - she remembers what Kyubey told her, before she left the shelter to find Homura. How she still believed there was hope, and how there wasn't any chance for her so long as she held onto that hope. Madoka disagrees with that statement on principle, but then - well, it had come from the Incubator, so she's not entirely sure of the truth of that anymore. 

—Still.

Madoka keeps it in mind as she drags herself out of bed and gets ready for school, knowing that if she doesn't get it right in this timeline, she'll start skipping school instead. She'll show her, Madoka thinks.

Show her that it's okay to hope. 

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Meeting Sayaka that morning goes better than the last time, but even though it's her second time, seeing Mami is just as difficult as before. She has something of an idea why: it's easier to pretend that those days when Sayaka was dead were just a nightmare, something that's been averted, whilst Mami - Mami, she saw die with her own eyes. 

Madoka masks her tears with a yawn as she passes by Mami in the hallway, and dabs her eyes dry with her sleeves when Sayaka isn't looking.

Beyond that hiccup, though, the day goes smoother than it had just a couple of days ago. (Madoka isn't sure when she'll get used to thinking of time that way, but she's certain it won't be soon.) She gets through her classes, eats lunch with Sayaka and Hitomi, and then leaves after school to go find Homura. 

Her mother would have a fit if she knew what she was doing, she's sure. Madoka ducks into alleyways to transform and see which direction Homura's in every once in a while, then leaves and heads back into the streets as soon as possible. It's slow, in every sense of the word, and she can't even tell how close she's getting to Homura. In theory, she might be able to use her telepathy and have a conversation with Homura already, but - she's scared that Homura will hear her voice, realise that she's a magical girl, and immediately turn back time. 

Madoka's hoping that being there in person will get her to hold off on that until she's said her piece. 

So, she walks - walks and walks and walks until it's midway through the afternoon and she finds Homura standing alone on an empty stretch of the city's riverbank. Madoka slows down, now that she's finally found her again. "I am sorry, Homura-chan." Those are the first words out of her mouth as she comes to a stop at Homura's side, the back of her hand so close to Homura's she can practically feel it even without touching. 

She can feel another thing, though: the guilt that's radiating off of the both of them. 

"I... know what I asked of you. To keep me from being deceived by Kyubey, right? By the Incubator." Madoka wishes she'd had the foresight to plan her words out before she got here, even if she'd probably have forgotten all of them anyways - she's not quite sure where she's going with this, but her mouth is moving and words are coming out anyways. "But I knew everything, this time. About magical girls, about Kyubey... about you. And—" She's starting to choke up, a knot in her throat and tears in her eyes. "...and knowing all that, I still think it's worth it. Because now I can be here with you." Her voice cracks with that last word, and that's the last straw for Homura; she falls to her knees and breaks out into a sob, and Madoka's immediately there, hugging her from behind.

Homura continues to cry, and Madoka's at a loss for what to say - she says nothing instead, and only watches the ripples and waves in the river water that streams on by. 

"...why?" whispers Homura, a while after both their tears have stopped. "Madoka, why can't you just be selfish? Just once?" 

She doesn't answer, at first, instead thinking about what "being selfish" would entail. It'd mean leaving the city to its fate, leaving everyone to die; she could probably convince her family, one way or another, but everyone else... they wouldn't be so lucky. Walpurgisnacht had been headed towards the shelters near the end, and Madoka knows it wouldn't have stopped. Saotome-sensei, Hitomi-chan, Sayaka, the rest of her friends at school - they would all die. 

Madoka has her answer now. "Even if I could leave with you, and my family, and Sayaka, I wouldn't be happy. I don't think I could sleep at night knowing that I had... left everyone to die." (She pointedly ignores the guilty conscience that tells her she did just that, following Homura instead of saving Mitakihara City.) "I wouldn't be able to live in a world like that." She catches, then, the way that Homura tenses like a spring in a trap - Madoka keeps talking before the girl's mood can get any worse.

"I... want you to know that I don't blame you, not for anything. Not for being unable to save me, or for... not wanting to save anyone else. I—" Madoka laughs, bitter and self-loathing. "Can I say something? I wasn't lying when I said that everything you've done helps me feel like I have worth. To think that all this time you've been looking after me is-..." 

She trails off, not sure of what else to say. "I'm happy that I can be here with you now," Madoka says, and Homura sobs. 

It's a long while before Homura stops, and when Madoka turns her head to face her, she looks almost collected - if not for the dried tears on her cheeks and the bloodshot whites of her eyes, at least. "...what do you want - to do now?" Madoka thinks the other girl almost said "what do you want me to do now", but there's no time to think about that when she should be giving a response instead. 

"When you're ready, do you... want to come over to my house? We can figure out what we need to do then." She watches as Homura stares off into nothing for a moment, then nods; Madoka wishes that she'd smile instead (for reasons beyond meaning that Homura was happy, but she shouldn't be thinking about that now...!), but she'll take what she can get. 

Standing up, she holds her hand out to Homura to help her up. When Homura takes it and pulls herself up, Madoka realises that she doesn't want to let go. 

(She does anyways, not wanting to pressure Homura with anything.) 

 ※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

It hasn't been a terribly long while since Madoka's had a sleepover, but she finds herself giddy at the thought of it anyways. She'd brought Homura home and introduced her to her parents, who were not too surprised when Madoka explained they'd met at the riverbank just earlier that day, and that she'd invited Homura over because she was having a rough time. 

(She didn't like how it felt, lying to either of them, but she'd have to make do.)

Fifteen minutes later, Madoka and Homura were sat together in her bedroom, a plate of food by their side. Idly, Madoka snacked whilst Homura pulled out a notebook, whiteboard, and a variety of writing utensils from her shield. She wondered what all she could put in there, but—she needed to focus on Homura, and her explanation of everything that 'had' and would happen.

"So, if Sayaka makes a contract, she..."

Homura nodded. "Yes. In all forty-one instances of becoming a magical girl, she has become a witch. The reasons vary." The cause was sometimes her self-destructive attitude, and other times it was the pressure from Kyouko, witches, and Mami's legacy, Madoka learned. Either way-... well, she'd rather not bet against forty-one to none odds. 

"We'll need to keep her from making a contract, then, but - Kamijou-kun..." Homura nodded again, solemn. 

"Every time, he is part of Miki Sayaka's wish." Madoka almost wanted to cry at that, having learned of how it ended each and every time. "I... do not have any experience with preventing her from making a wish." 

"It's the accident, right? Well - his arm. That's what she wishes to fix..." That had been Sayaka's wish last time, and when Homura said nothing to correct her, Madoka assumed that it had been Sayaka's wish every time. "What if... what if we make it so she doesn't have to wish? Can we heal Kamijou-kun's arm with our magic, or something...?" 

Her idea gave Homura some pause, the girl stopping to think about it in silence. "In theory. But it would likely be difficult to heal it in full, at least without Sayaka's healing." Madoka hummed in thought, then, and frowned when she realised they wouldn't be able to make any concrete plans around Kamijou-kun. "Well, we can try things out, and see what works. I'll ask Sayaka which hospital room he's in, and then—" Madoka laughed, nervous about what she was saying. "Do you think we'll have to break in...?" 

Homura only shrugged. "If Sayaka is aware of us being magical girls, then we could doubtless convince her to show us in. She's your best friend, isn't she?" Homura had a point, there; Madoka nodded, even as her mind betrayed her and thought about how Homura would react if she said that she was her best friend. 

(Then she started thinking about how ‘best friend’ didn't quite cut it, and then she wasn't going to think about it at all, thank you very much!)

"...Do you think it would be wise?" asked Madoka, before clarifying. "Uh - to tell her about us being magical girls, I mean." 

There was a long while of silence as Homura stewed on her thoughts, not even taking a bite of any of Madoka's father's food. "Both options have their merits," and Madoka smiled, figuring that Homura would be talking for a while as she explained both sides. "If she is aware, then she will most likely want to become one herself, to try and help keep you safe. Whether she becomes one or not, she would probably want to come with us when we're hunting witches, like how the two of you did with Tomoe Mami." Madoka remembered that; remembered the last time she'd gone with her, too, even though she really wish she didn't. 

(Madoka wasn't sure if she'd be able to stomach going to that train station anymore, not after what had happened.) 

"However, if she does not learn of you being a magical girl, the two of you will likely become distant as you hunt witches in favour of spending time with her. I've seen that happen a couple of times, and-... eventually, the Incubator will probably make a contract with her." 

"...Ah." That... probably wouldn't work, then. "So... should we just let Sayaka become a magical girl, then? If we won't be able to stop her?" Madoka was aware that Sayaka would probably contract if she was aware of them being magical girls; the other girl had protected her since the day they had met, practically. She didn't expect that to change anytime soon, even if Madoka could protect herself, now that she was a magical girl. 

Homura shrugged in response to her previous question. "If we could find a way of... mitigating the consequences, it could work." Madoka hated how clinically Homura had put it, hated that those 'consequences' were Sayaka, Kyouko, and Mami's deaths. "Figuring out how to prevent her from becoming a witch would make it more-or-less safe. If she can resolve her issues with Kyouko, there would be minimal fighting between the magical girls of Mitakihara." That was a good thing, obviously, but—

"It's not going to be as easy as it sounds, is it?" 

Homura shook her head.

Chapter Text

"Ah, sorry - I'm spending time with Homura-chan today." Madoka figured that for at least a day, she would be able to spend time away from Sayaka without many consequences. Plus, it wasn't like she could go back on her word: she'd already asked Homura if they could go hunting for the familiars she'd found on her own in the previous cycle, to which Homura had said yes. "The day after, if you want to do anything, should be fine."

Sayaka let out a long sigh, one that Madoka realised was hiding her small amount of pain at being rejected. "Fine, fine. Spend some time with your new friend, Madoka. Just remember that you're my bride, and—wait, that ring-!"

Suddenly reminded of the soul gem secured around her finger, Madoka blushed and cupped her other hand around it. "I-It's not like that!" she stammered out, even as Sayaka laughed and as she wished it really was like that. 

"Good," came Hitomi's voice, cutting through their antics. "You know that such relationships are forbidden." Her serious tone beget a moment of silence.

Then: "Hitomi, aren't you in the middle of reading a yuri doujin—"

"Forbidden!" 

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

"Anyways, you've got a standing invitation to lunch tomorrow, if you'd like to join us." Madoka relayed the news to Homura, once they'd met up after school had gotten out.

"...maybe," came Homura's reply after a moment of deliberation. "If there's anything I need to do then that takes priority, but otherwise..." As Homura trailed off, Madoka counted her invitation as a success. Obviously, there were things more important than going to lunch with your partner-in-magical-girling and her friends, but if Madoka was being honest for herself, she couldn't wait to see Homura and Sayaka getting along with each other. There shouldn't be any reason for them not to, this time - or so she hoped, at least.

"Ah, here we are." An uncomfortable sense of déjà vu washed over her as they came upon the alleyway labyrinth. Everything was the same: the lighting, the draw of the shadows on the ground, the rolling back-and-forth of a discarded paper cup on the ground... even the time, by coincidence. Madoka had talked about it, and when asked, said that she wanted to deal with them. That had been all it took for Homura to insist that she was coming along. (She'd been rather cute about it too, in Madoka's opinion. "Even if you've done it before it could still be dangerous. I'll come with," she'd said, leaving no room for arguments - not that Madoka would ever want to argue that point.) 

Holding out her soul gem and prying the labyrinth open, Madoka took the time to transform into her outfit - Homura did too (that she was able to do this with Homura was something she was still kind of giddy about), and then they were off.

Clearing the labyrinth took less time now that there were two of them, even though Madoka's thoughts and attention had a way of straying off-task. What could she do for Homura, how can she help Sayaka and Kyousuke, was there a way to convince Kyouko not to butt heads with anyone, does Homura actually really want to go to that sandwich place... each one would pop into her head and she'd start thinking about it, then Homura would admonish her and she'd focus more on the labyrinth of familiars for a time.

By the end of it, neither of them had gotten hurt - except for that one time when Madoka was wondering about Homura's favourite food, and failed to realise that she needed to jump instead of walk. "Please pay more attention to your surroundings," Homura had chastised.

"You're right, I'm sorry," replied Madoka, and that had been the end of that. When the labyrinth faded and revealed the outside world, Madoka realised that it still wasn't even late in the afternoon.

Turning her head towards Homura, she asked: "Do you want to grab food? We can do one of Mami-san's review meetings, or—"

"Whatever you like, Madoka."

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

The night before had gone as well as Madoka could have hoped: they'd gone out to grab a mid-afternoon meal, and then gone straight home to Madoka's house to hang out, get Madoka caught up on schoolwork (the past few days had gotten her to slack a little, so what—), and have dinner courtesy of her parents. Neither of them questioned Homura's appearance, but Madoka heard them talking in hushed tones about Homura's parents that night.

"Tomorrow I can sleep at my apartment," Homura had said, and now tomorrow was today. School was as same as ever - walk there with Sayaka and Hitomi, take notes, think about the empty seat that would soon be Homura's, and leave when the bell rings.

Sayaka clapped her hand on Madoka's shoulder, giving her a wide smile (as if she knew something and was about to slightly embarrass Madoka with it). "So~... do we finally get to see the mystery girl you've befriended today?" 

Eyes widening with joy, Madoka hurriedly pulled out her phone. "...Yeah, looks like she can come. She said to text where we're eating and that she'd meet us there." Madoka wondered if there was anything that Homura needed to do before meeting up with them, based on her text, but ultimately she couldn't tell. Typing in the name of the restaurant they were going to and sending it off, Madoka put her phone back in her bag and turned to the others. "Shall we?"

True to her word, when Madoka finally arrived with her friends in tow, Homura was stood outside and staring at nothing; Madoka did a quick check with her magic to see if there was a labyrinth nearby that she needed to look out for, but when she felt nothing, she felt comfortable enough to lower her guard and wave over at Homura. "Uh, there she is. Homura-chan!" 

Homura jolted at that (Madoka felt bad, but only a little - she knew that the girl was just naturally skittish) but quickly smoothed her reaction over by turning to face them and doing the cute little hair-flip that she did. When they got closer, she spoke. "It's nice to meet you both; my name is Akemi Homura." Madoka could tell that, compared to how she spoke to her in private, Homura was falling back on her usual habits of practised speech that didn't quite sound genuine. That was fine - this was something that she had put onto Homura, after all, and she couldn't fault her for being out of her depth when by all accounts this meeting was more or less unknown territory for her. (At least, unknown territory when it came to not immediately butting heads with Sayaka or anyone other than Madoka.) Homura gestured towards the door with her head. "Shall we?" she asked, to which Sayaka snickered slightly - Homura tilted her head to one side, questioning it, and Madoka was equally as lost.

Sayaka elaborated on nothing and merely walked into the shop, holding the door open for the three of them and letting it close when they were in. Figuring that they wouldn't get an answer, Hitomi shook her head with faux disapproval before finding them a seat. "Have you been here before, Akemi-san?" asked Hitomi once they were sat down in a booth and had been given a menu to order from. 

"I have," Homura said with a nod, "but only once. I don't really remember what there is to get." Madoka wondered if that was something from her childhood, or if it had been during one of the cycles that Homura had been here. She lingered, for a moment, on the thought that maybe Madoka had been the one to take her there; she shut that thought down as soon as possible, not wanting to betray anything through her face and earn her another round of teasing from Sayaka.

By the time Homura was done asking Hitomi for recommendations (out of politeness, for the girl had offered) and Madoka for her own favourites (out of curiosity, Madoka hoped), Homura had ended up with the lightest option on the menu that Madoka had said she'd liked.

(Madoka had said that she was going to try something new that time, and—she wondered if that was related.)

Mid-conversation, once their food had gotten there and they had all worked their way through parts of each meal, Madoka felt an odd burning sensation on her finger - around her ring. Scared that there was a labyrinth nearby, she hurriedly looked around, but alas: no. It was only Sayaka's burning gaze as it stared at her ring, then flicked towards Homura's own. 

Madoka felt the burn start to creep onto her cheeks, too.

She hid her soul gem behind her other hand and looked away, but not before catching the devilish grin that grew on Sayaka's face. "So..." the girl said, intent clear. Madoka fidgeted, and even Homura knew well enough to freeze in place. "Matching rings, huh?"

Swearing that she could feel the sweat beginning to roll down the side of her head, Madoka had no choice but to keep her mouth shut: nothing would have come out, save for the panicked stutters of a girl to who no words would come. 

Homura, blessedly, did better. "They have... sentimental value to me. I gave it to Madoka after she helped me the other day, when we met each other." Sayaka's expression went through a couple of stages - a second of belief and understanding, a flash of grief and jealousy - and then she let out a small laugh, cut short by her own words. 

"I see, I see - and here I was, afraid you'd be trying to steal Madoka away from us by taking her hand in marriage~" Madoka's blush intensified at the thought - both of getting married, and of being married to Homura - though Homura, still, was undeterred.

"...that was not my intention," she said, and Sayaka must have read something from Homura's words that Madoka didn't, as she just laughed and went back to eating her food.

(The next day, when Sayaka teased that Homura was totally in love with her, Madoka disagreed with her on principle.)

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Loathe as she is to admit it, Madoka's lonely come the end of school. It's Saturday, so they get out early; Sayaka's visiting Kamijou-kun; Hitomi has her lessons; Homura has something important she needs to attend... and Madoka doesn't have anyone else that she's close enough with to spend an entire day with. So—she decides to spend the day patrolling. 

It's still lonely, without Homura or Sayaka or Mami-san, but she feels better about what she's doing. It's better than doing nothing, after all, even if it feels like it - it takes her the better part of her evening to find anything.

Tracking the magic down to its source is much faster than finding it, and when she rounds the corner into the alleyway she finds— "A-Ah."

Staring at her and looking vaguely tense is Mami-san, also holding up her soul gem as it pulses bright in response to the labyrinth between them. (It's the exact same way that Madoka's holding it now, too. Is that coincidence? Is she modelling her actions after Mami-san's?) She's smiling, but there's an edge to it - Madoka can't blame her, knowing as she does about Kyouko and the behaviour of typical magical girls. "...I wasn't aware that there was another magical girl in Mitakihara," Mami-san says after a while, and Madoka starts.

"Um. Sorry?" She knows Mami, knows that she had supported her and Sayaka becoming magical girls, but she also knows that recruiting them and meeting them after they move into your territory are two different things. 

Mami doesn't reply to Madoka's apology; she merely nods her head in the direction of the labyrinth and smiles a little wider. "These are only familiars," Mami says, and for a moment Madoka feels like she's in a different world. (She is, but—surely that wouldn't suddenly cause Mami-san to make a distinction between familiars and witches, right...?) "Do you still intend to fight them?"

"...Yes?"

Most of the tension bleeds out of her once she hears Madoka's answer. "Would you like to fight against them together, then?"

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Fighting with Mami-san feels almost like a dream come true, the both of them taking things safe and slow and fighting from a distance. Mami-san must figure that she's new, as a magical girl; she can feel the older girl's protective gaze on her for practically the entire time they're in the labyrinth, and it only stops when the smell of smoke fades away with the picturesque interior of the faux art gallery. "Well," Mami-san starts, "you certainly don't lack for strength." 

Her words were true enough: where her bullets blew holes in the enemy, Madoka's arrows practically ripped them to shreds with even a bad hit. "How is your soul gem doing?" Mami's out of her outfit now, but her soul gem is still in her hand; Madoka changes back into her school uniform as well, notes the surprise in Mami's expression when she realises they go to the same school, and holds out her soul gem so Mami-san can inspect it. 

"Ah, yours isn't so bad." And really, it wasn't; only at the edges was there any darkness, a smidgen of pollution that crept upon her soul.

Madoka shook her head in agreeance, then turned her gaze towards Mami-san's own gem. "What about yours? Will you need to use a grief seed soon...?" It didn't quite look like it, and Madoka was glad when Mami-san shook her head. 

"I should be fine for a while, and I have a spare back home that should be good for a use or two still." Her reassurance was even nicer to hear; Madoka was glad that her senpai was relatively well off, for the time being. (It meant that they wouldn't have to worry about depriving her of any needed material, should they need to find a grief seed immediately after a reset; so said the part of her that had begun to think like Homura, parroting words in her voice.) "And now that the familiars are taken care of, I should think introductions are in order."

"I forgot-!" Madoka squeaked, before making a prayer in hopes that she hadn't already said Mami-san's name without thinking. "I-I'm Kaname Madoka, a second year at Mitakihara Middle School. I assume that you're..."

She was cut off by a nod of Mami-san's head. "That's right; I'm a third year, though. My name is Tomoe Mami," she said, though Madoka knew all of that - she knew all of that and more , which was something that made her a little uncomfortable, though she had gotten the idea that it'd just get worse as time went on. "Say... would you like to come to my apartment for tea? I took some pastries out of the oven just before I left, and—" 

"I'd love to!"

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Madoka finds herself sitting at Mami-san's table for the second first time, watching as the other girl pulls out all the stops for her. It isn't long before her tea, cake, and biscuits are sat down in front of her (Mami had always liked her western baking), with Mami-san sat across from her. "So," the older girl says, once they've both had a sip of their tea to wet their tongue. "How long have you been a magical girl?" 

For a second, Madoka falters.

"Oh, um, only a few days." Madoka fidgets slightly with her tea, letting it swirl around in her cup - she wishes she could just say everything she could, how she knew Mami in another life and that she was one of the friends that she wanted to save, alongside the rest of Mitakihara. "There's—um, there's another girl, actually," (Madoka doesn't notice how that sounds until it's out and hearkening back to all the romance manga she's read), "who is kind of helping me with everything. I could, uh, introduce you two? And sorry again for not making ourselves known."

"It's fine, Kaname-san. Do you think she'd like to meet with me...?" Madoka nodded, vigorously - and then more tentatively. Homura would come if she asked her to, but... if Homura had any reservations or fears, Madoka would rather that she make the decision herself. "Well, ask her, and we can figure out a date if she says yes." Sipping at her tea, Mami-san continued. "Now... would you like any advice about your magic?"

"Oh, please ."

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

"...sorry."

"There's nothing to apologise for," comes Homura's immediate response, once Madoka's finished telling the story of how she'd met with Mami-san the day before. "I don't normally tell her so much, or endeavour to make friends with her, but that doesn't mean you've done anything wrong." Face as impassive as ever (save for that time at the riverbank), Madoka can't quite read anything from Homura's expression - but she gets the impression that she would have liked things to go differently.

So: "...next time, or for anything else, what would you like me to say?"

Homura looks a little panicked at the thought of having that kind of control over Madoka, but then she speaks and Madoka gets to listen to Homura's breakdown of how she acts, why, and where it gets her.

(The best part of that is getting to listen to her speak, Madoka realises halfway through, though she tries her best to actually listen instead of zoning out this time.)

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Homura isn't available to meet with Mami-san until the end of the week when she transfers into school, is what Madoka relays to Mami. "That's fine, Kaname-san." Mami-san's voice is tinny through the speaker of her phone, though her presence - her reassurance, her hope, the slight hint of fear (and whenever she hears it, Madoka can't help but think of those days before they found Sayaka) - comes through just fine.

"Say, later this week, would you like to hunt witches together, again?"  Mami-san might be the one asking, but Madoka can't deny that she's relieved to hear the question. 

"Of course!" she replies. (Homura would tell her off for this, but Madoka wouldn't have been surprised if Mami didn't want to go witch hunting with her. She doesn't know why she thinks these things, why she assumes the worst of her friends and family where she's involved, even when all evidence points otherwise.)

On the other end, Madoka hears the equally relieved hum that Mami makes in response. They chat for a while longer as Madoka does her more recent schoolwork - it takes her longer, of course, but she isn't complaining about that - and it's only when she's nearly done that Mami-san says her farewells. "I'll find you after school, tomorrow. Have a good evening, Kaname-san~" The call clicks off, her phone silent. 

Madoka thinks of Sayaka, and - "Oh. Right." She resolves to call her later that night and hopes that'll be enough.

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

"Hitomi, have you heard? Madoka's got a new friend - she's flying the coop!" It's the first thing that Madoka hears the next day after she's exchanged greetings with her friends, and she resigns herself to hearing more of it for the rest of the way to school. Probably lunch, too, knowing Sayaka's willingness to commit to a bit. "A third year this time, right? Maybe we should start warning any potential kouhai off, too; Madoka's our wife!"

Madoka watches as Hitomi slowly turns her head towards Sayaka, glad that she doesn't have to do anything to distract them from the inexplicable heat in her cheeks. "Our wife, Sayaka-san?" 

Sayaka lets out an awkward laugh. "Ah, haha. My wife, I mean."

"That's better; I'll have no part in such forbidden romances." Hitomi turned away, facing the school.

Then it was Sayaka's turn to face Hitomi. "Hitomi, you realise that the manga you picked up has yuri, ri—"

"I will have no part in it!"

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

...Madoka knows that there's something wrong before she even sees Mami-san. "Kaname-san," comes the voice of her old-new senpai. They've only talked a few times so far, both in person and on the phone. She didn't expect there to be any of the familiarity she'd grown accustomed to, but - she didn't expect the edge to be back, her voice bordering on suspicion. "Can we talk?"

Madoka still isn't used to the whole telepathy thing - she looks around, makes sure that neither Mami-san nor anyone else is talking to her in person, and then replies. "Um, yes," Madoka 'says' in reply. "Where do you want to meet?"

"The fountain on the path to school should clear out in just a few minutes." The area is public, at least, but not too public that others might hear them - Madoka's glad for it. (She still remembers the report of Mami's rifle, at the train station - the sight of her soul gem, littered in pieces around her head. She still remembers Homura's account of how that rifle had once been aimed at her and everyone else, and finds the publicity a small comfort to the part of her that assumes the worst.)

Madoka wipes the tears from her eyes before she comes into view of the fountain; it wouldn't do to distract Mami-san from whatever she wanted to say with her own problems, not when there's nothing Mami can do for her. "Kaname-san," Mami says in greeting, once Madoka's there. 

"Ah, afternoon." Madoka sits down on the edge of the fountain, and they wait in silence for the rest of their classmates to filter out. "What did you want to talk about?" asks Madoka, when they finally have some privacy. Her heartbeat's fast, and something is forming knots in her chest.

"I was talking to Kyubey after our conversation, yesterday," she says, and Madoka's anxious anticipation slowly turns to horror as she thinks about what the incubator could have told her. "He said-... that he doesn't know how you or your friend became magical girls. That I should be careful around you." 

...Madoka wonders, then, how far Kyubey - the Incubator - is willing to go when it comes to manipulating them. Homura believed that he never outright lied, but that he would reveal things at 'opportune' moments, or obscure and withhold information when convenient. When Mami doesn't say anything else, Madoka takes it as her cue to respond. "I... don't think I can say all of it. It isn't just my secret, it's Homura's, too. I don't want to say anything about that without her knowing about it. But... I also don't want you to think that you can't trust me, or - or that you shouldn't."

Madoka really needs to start writing these things down in advance. 

"And I know that you haven't... known me for very long." (It hurts to say. Madoka's seen her dead .) "But - all I want is for you, and Homura-chan, and every other magical girl to be happy. That's all I'm here for."

After a long while of silence, Madoka finally works up the courage to read Mami's expression: the hope and fear of someone who had just found a lifeline felt like a nail being driven into Madoka's heart.

Mami-san's vulnerability passes just a few seconds later, and soon she's levelling a reassuring smile in Madoka's direction. "I believe you, Kaname-san," she says with a smile. "I... for so long, I've been the only one in Mitakihara. The only one who really knew about what I was doing, and..." Mami cleared her throat; when she started to speak again, she reached for Madoka's hand and held it between her own. (Madoka flushed at that - at the gesture at large and at the physical contact - but did nothing to pull her hand away.) "So - what I'm trying to say is - I'm glad that you're here now, Kaname-san."

Suddenly pushing herself up onto her feet, Mami smooths out her skirt and offers her hand to Madoka; even with what just happened fresh in her mind, Madoka doesn't expect her to do any more than help her up, and it's a surprise when Mami lets the contact go on. 

Eventually, though, Mami lets her hand go with nothing more than a smile. (Why does it seem sad?) "Shall we go look for a witch, then?" she asks, and Madoka's glad for the distraction.

"Mm! Do you want to lead the way? I still don't have much experience, so—"

Mami cuts her off with a laugh, soft and gentle. "It would be a pleasure, Kaname-san. I'll tell you about the basics along the way."

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Madoka learns a lot, that evening. She learns how to cast her magic out to more easily find witches and familiars, she learns how to manoeuvre through rooftops and alleyways when transformed, she learns a little about how to split her magic up when she's just fighting lots of small familiars to take care of them in large swathes (though she doesn’t figure out how to fire more shots that are weaker, just shots that are more ). She learns that Homura isn't the only one who makes her heart flutter with their words (and oh, is that something to think about later). 

She also learns what it's like to fight an actual witch.

(She learns what it's like to watch a grief seed float down to the ground, knowing that she just killed something (someone) that used to be human, like her.)

Mami-san kneels down next to her, rubbing the palm of her hand in calming circles on Madoka's back as she sobs. "Kaname-san!? I - are you hurt, or-?" Madoka hears but doesn't register any of the panicked words that Mami says, just cries her throat hoarse.

"I wish that—" (She doesn't know.) "I-... I wish that we could - do more." Her tears start to slowly dry up from there; Mami's hand becomes a still, calming connection between the two of them, resting on Madoka's back. 

"...we're only human, Kaname-san. However many people that witch might have taken, we still killed it. No one else is going to die by its hands." But for once, Mami-san's reassurances do nothing to help her. Madoka's crying redoubles in its intensity (she wails, wishing there was anything she could say to Mami without jeopardising everything), and soon Mami's joins her.

It's a while before either of them is presentable enough to leave.

※ ═══ ✿ ═══ ※

Later, when Madoka finds herself once again in Mami's apartment and sat in front of a plethora of dishes and desserts - some of which she helped with, when Mami wasn't fussing over whether she was pushing herself - with Mami right next to her, they split the grief seed. Madoka feels the threat of more tears welling up in her eyes when Mami passes it to her.

She staves them off with a whispered apology and a prayer for the witch ( the girl ) in the palm of her hand, then presses it up against her soul gem, cleansing it of the pollution at the edges.

They say their prayers for the food shortly after, and Madoka eats a little bit of everything despite her dampened appetite. It's good, all of it, even the dishes that Madoka helped with - but more importantly they help, acting as a balm and distraction from the day's events.

(Madoka knows, logically, that there's nothing she can do to help a witch, or make one change her ways.)

(...—still.)

"Would you like to review everything now, Kaname-san, or would you rather wait until after we're finished?" Madoka's glad that she was only about to pick up her cup of tea, not trusting herself to have jolted and spilt it on everything. 

She isn't interested in talking about what they did (who they killed) at all, one way or another, but - she knows it'll help her get better at being a magical girl, which means she'll get better at helping Homura. "Uhm, we can do it now, if you'd like."

Mami-san smiles and holds her tea over a small plate as she continues. (She always has such perfect form and etiquette, Madoka thinks, before she focuses on paying attention instead of letting her mind wander.) "Then, to start: in terms of pure strength, you have more than any other magical girl I've ever seen." The Incubator's words made her expect as much, but to actually hear it said - from Mami-san, even - makes her feel a little giddy. "That said, you shouldn't let yourself slack off in other areas. Your precision and control could use some improvement - if you shoot one of those arrows and it hits nearby, in... say, a small room, you might hurt yourself with its power. Alternatively: have you tried using less power in each shot?" Madoka shook her head. "If you put less energy into each arrow, not only will it help conserve your magic, but it will help mitigate any potential consequences of missing." Madoka nodded, and took a sip of her tea - she didn't have her 'magical girl' notebook with her (it had been too painful to hold onto after Sayaka and-...)

She cuts off that train of thought, and instead merely wishes she had something to write on. "I think I'd need to practice, but I can definitely give it a shot. Thank you, Mami-san." Madoka tries her best to smile, and she's glad when Mami smiles back. 

"As for my next topic... do you know what your special magic ability is? Everyone has one based on their wish." 

Madoka's glad to have a better answer to this one. "Mhm! Whenever I'm in my outfit, I can tell which direction Homura-... chan... is..." she trails off, realising only then how embarrassing that sounds when Mami has her ribbons and Sayaka has her healing and Homura has her time travel.

The flush on her cheeks gets warmer when she catches Mami-san stifling a laugh. "That's... certainly an ability. But are you sure that's all?" Madoka blinks, her embarrassment fading in the face of what sounds like one of Mami's leading questions. "...because I noticed, during our fight against the witch," Mami-san says when she gives no response, "that you seemed very fast when it came to dodging a few of her attacks. Do you remember doing anything special, then?"

Madoka furrowed her brows in thought, and took a bite of her chiffon cake (never mind that it was dinner) as she worked her memories. "...sorry, but no," Madoka said with a dejected sigh.

"That's fine; it's just something to look out for." 

Mami-san had no other input, at least for now. With their review meeting concluded, the conversation shifted to more pleasant topics - what kinds of music they were interested in, their favourite restaurants, normal things. Madoka knew some of Mami's answers already, but - their talk was nice nonetheless.

Time slipped away from them, and soon Madoka was on the sending end of a (very apologetic) phone call to her parents, explaining that she was spending the night at a friend from school, and that there wasn't any need to worry. Mami-san busied herself with cleaning up after dinner - she was already mostly done by the time Madoka had gotten off of the phone, but she offered her help anyways. It wasn't long until it was time to go to bed; Mami let her use the bathroom for everything she needed first, as well as a change of clothes that fit well enough, thankfully.

Unsure of where she'd be sleeping, Madoka lingered halfway between the kitchen and the living room, waiting to ask Mami-san for directions - only to be utterly confused by the sight of Mami hauling a blanket, sheet, and pillows out of a hallway and over to one of the couches in the living room. "Um - Mami-san?" 

As if she was doing nothing of note, Mami turned to her. "Hm? Oh, don't mind me, I'll take the couch for the night."

"I—" Madoka let out a small, exasperated laugh. "You don't have to do that! I'll take the couch, you don't have to give up your bed for me-"

"It's fine, Kaname-san, go ahead and-"

"No, wait, I don't mind sleeping on the-"

"Kaname-san." Mami's voice took on a new, serious tone, cutting through the rest of their squabble. "It's fine. I... don't always like sleeping in my bedroom." 

Madoka blinked, silent - there was something to read from that and she had no clue what. "Well, that's fine, then - I'll just take the other couch." Mami-san stared at her for a few seconds, then slowly burst into a fit of laughter; left with no other choice, Madoka joined her, giggling even when she left to grab sheets from the bed in Mami's room. She didn't stop to consider the size of Mami's bed, nor how it was better suited to two people.

(She didn't stop to consider the signs that it had not always been Mami's room.)

Returning to the living room, Madoka made her way to the still-vacant couch and awkwardly dropped the bedding on top of it. It certainly didn't seem like it'd be as comfortable as her normal bed, but - Madoka looks over at Mami-san, and figures that it makes up for that in other ways. 

Mami walks over to a switch and dims the light throughout the entire condo, and within a minute later they're both comfortably settled beneath the covers. "...goodnight, Mami-san," says Madoka, feeling a bit awkward about it, but then—

She hears Mami return a "goodnight, Kaname-san," and her worries abate well enough for her to get some sleep.

(Madoka dreams, that night, of a world made of ribbon, twine, and sewing pins—it ends when the sky turns into the image of an eye, scratchy and black and white, as if it had been sketched onto paper.)