Archive of Our Own ^beta

Tyler jumps on me.
One punch.
Another.

I feel a tooth coming off at the root.
I spit it.
Tyler laughs and i hit him in the face, as a trickle of blood flows from the left corner of my mouth.

He seems to love seeing me bleed.
He looks at me from head to toe imagining where to strike to leave interesting marks.
And I let him do it.
I dont know why.
Tyler can do everything.
Tyler can make me bleed, drive me to exhaustion, kill me and I would thank him.
It does not hurt.
Nothing Tyler does really hurts.
It's a sweet, pleasant pain, a sick desire of feeling that terrible touch over and over again.

I'm Jack's terrible need for violence.

Around us is full of people screaming and cheering for no one in particular.
Many are here just for this.
Some are waiting to be in my place.

Tyler kicks me in the stomach and I bend over, struggling to breathe.
I smile, get up and hit him.
He licks his lips.
I already know what that means.

One thing to know about Tyler is that fighting him is like gifting yourself to death.
It is a losing battle from the start.
He always knows everything.
Predicts your moves.
Laughs.
It makes you feel dead and alive at the same time.
Large and microscopic.
When you are with Tyler you are a god and a shadow of nothing.

This is probably the reason why I love fighting him.

Here at fight club when you fight you enter a universe where only you and your opponent exist.
When you fight with Tyler this feeling is amplified.
There is only Tyler.
Tyler IS existence.
Tyler is all that matters.
You are nobody.
But the way he looks at you makes you feel like you are everything.

There is something exciting about this.

A shiver runs down my spine, Tyler hits me and I lose stability.
It's the end of the fight.
One punch.
Another.
I fall.
He throws himself at me like an animal.
He keeps me anchored to the ground and laughs, throwing a final punch in my face.
I don't even dare to imagine how awful i look.
In my mouth I feel only the taste of blood and I have one eye completely closed.
I know I'm smiling.
I throw my head back, resting it on the floor.
I close my eyes.
End of the fight.

I feel Tyler's weight on top of me.
I hear the muffled voices of the people around us.
I smell the sweat and blood that the place absorbs during the fighting.

I am Jack's sense of peace.

Tyler puts a hand behind my neck forcing me to raise my head and look at him.
He knows I'm not at the limit of my strength, that I can still fight.
He knows it because I know it.

He gets up from above me, offers me a hand and brings me back on my feet.
The pause caused the adrenalin-erased pain of the fight to come back for a minute.
As I said though, it didn't really hurt.

I look at him.
He doesn't move.
He doesn't strike.
He doesn't jump around.
He doesn't laugh.

He is waitingfor me to make the first move.
So i do it.
I hit him again and again following the echo of his laughter.
He responds to all hits.
I start to push him.
He looks at me, laughs, puts his hand behind my head violently, pulls me towards him and smashes his lips against mine.
Once again I let him do what he wants.
Tyler can do everything.
I feel the blood dripping from my lips and his tongue tasting it.
He bites my lip.
Or maybe he doesn't.
I feel nothing but the taste of blood.

Nobody around us says anything. Nobody cares.
It's part of the show.
It's Tyler's winning move.
And no one ever questions Tyler's choices.

He pulls away ans laughs.
His face is covered in blood that belongs to me.
If he looks like this only after kissing me I guess I'm in terrible conditions.

He approaches.
Makes me put my arm around his shoulders to keep me standing.

NOW the fight is over.

It was the last fight of the night for me and Tyler, so we head to the stairs as loads of space monkeys and ordinary men hail us as heroes.

By "we head" I mean that Tyler is heading and I let myself be guided, fallen dead weight on him, dragging myself wherever he wants to take me.

Tyler is the person I trust the least.

Tyler is the person I trust the most

He could lead me to the end of the world and I would let myself be guided without making a noise.
I would follow him everywhere, like a stupid dog.

This is what Tyler does to people.
You can't tell him no.
You can't question it.
You can't ask him anything.
When you're with Tyler you don't even want to do any of these things.
When you are with Tyler, you are nothing. You are everything.

The light from a street lamp outside the club blinds me.

I'm still hanging on Tyler like a drunk little girl.
I didn't put my shirt and shoes back on.
I have bruises all over my body.

Tyler lights a cigarette, holds me up with one arm, lets the smoke fill his lungs and then blows it out.
He smiles satisfied.
Looks at me.

I know I look pathetic.
I'm bloody and swollen, I can barely see.
But Tyler keeps staring.
His gaze burns. It hurts.
When Tyler looks at you he makes you feel like you are everything.

I am Jack's wish for importance.

"You look like hell"

I do not reply.

He continues to smoke and drag me to a sidewalk.
We sit down.

I would like to hold myself up, but the weight of my body seems too much to support itself.
If I get away from Tyler's grip, It'll be over.
If I were to die, I would do it in Tyler's arms.

"Can you hear me?"
I nod slowly.
My head hurts.

"Great. Then listen," he removes his arm from my torso, causing my already wobbly stability to give way.
I hold on to his shoulders with more force than before.
Tyler isn't bothered by this.
I am totally abandoned to him and I have a terrible bone pain.

I already know what he is about to say.
I know it because he knows it.

"It was a good fight."
Attention focused on his cigarette.
Then on me.
He puts his hand on my head and ruffles my hair like you do with kids.
"Lean"
I do.
My head lands on his shoulder.
He takes one last drag and puts out his cigarette on the sidewalk.
I wouldn't have been surprised if he put it out on me and left a burn.

"I'm not going to go to the club for a while so you'll have to take care of it, okay? "

I don't say anything.

"I need you to answer. Do you understand?”
Nothing varies in his tone of voice, but I know this is one of those orders I cannot fail to follow.

I throw out a "I understand" with difficulty and cough immediately afterwards.
More blood comes out of my mouth.
"Spit"
Another order.
I do as told.
I pull my head up and spit on the floor next to the cigarette.
Blood and ash mix.
It is a disgusting sight.
It's me and Tyler.

When we get home I am less tired.
I think I fell asleep in the car.
Maybe not.

Tyler runs into the kitchen and I collapse into a filthy chair.
I close my eyes.
I reopen them.
I hear Tyler's voice but I don't understand what he says.

"What? "I ask faintly.
He comes out of the door and repeats "I asked if you were going to stay bleeding or if you wanted to take a bath"
I don't know what to answer.

"If you want to sleep there,then cool, but if you get an infection I'll be the first to laugh at your funeral"
You never know if he's joking or serious.

Tyler has always been a weird guy.
Our relationship is indefinite.
Are we friends? Colleagues? Acquaintances? Was I his pet? A waste? Did he love me?
Sometimes it seemed so.
Most of the time it didn't seem to matter.
We lived together, we ate together, we worked together.
Often while one of the two was taking a bath the other would sit and watch him and talk about fighting or stuff like that.
Neither was bothered by the other's presence.
Tyler always said "You don't have anything I haven't seen before" and vice versa.
I think I've seen him naked more times than he has seen me.

So I knew as soon as I got up from the chair that he would follow me into the bathroom.

I'm Jack's confused pleasure.

I stagger up the stairs.
If I were to fall, Tyler would be behind me and grab me.
He would because I would.

I get to the bathroom and take off my pants while Tyler runs the water.
I watch.
When the water is clear, he closes the lid of the tub, turns to the toilet and pisses.
I look away and rinse my face in the sink before taking off the few clothes left on me.

Two men with their cocks out in an abandoned house.
Two ghosts.
Tyler and I didn't exist when we were inside this house because no one imagined we were here.
When I am with Tyler I am nothing.

I get into the tub.
Tyler sits down and stares at me.
We dont talk for a while.

I feel his gaze everywhere.
It pinches.
But it doesn't embarrass me.
I think if it had been anyone else I would have stood up and shut him out the door yelling.
With Tyler it's different.
Tyler knows everything about me and I know almost nothing about him.
Tyler looks at me and I let him do it. Everytime.
In every moment.
When Tyler looks at you, you feel like you are everything.
When you are with Tyler you don't exist and you are all there is.

He gets up.
Approaches.
Passes me the soap.
I take it and keep my hand resting on his a few seconds too long.
I do not know why.
When I'm with Tyler, I don't always know why i do the things i do.
I just do them.
That's what he wants.
I know it because he knows it.

Tyler sits closer to the tub and looks at me again.
Looks at all the wounds and bruises he caused me.
I would like to say that I hurt him just as much, but we both know it isn't true.
He loves seeing me bleed and I love letting him do it.

I am Jack's perverse sense of submission.

I get up and soap myself.
My naked, livid body so close to Tyler's smirk.
He watches me and I continue to do what I have to.
Soap hurts where I bleed, but at least now I'm more of a man and less of a pile of crap.
Tyler focuses his gaze on a defined point of my body.
I don't need to look at him to know where his eyes are.

He does something he had never done before, but that doesn't even surprise me.
He unbuttons his pants, takes out his half-hard erection and starts moving his hand along the length.
I let him do it.
Tyler can do everything.
My cock is there in plain sight and as much as I try to avoid it I can't help but watch what Tyler is doing.
I know I'm hard too.
It's obvious.
I often am during a fight with Tyler and he knows it every single time.
I don't even care to hide it.
I continue to wash myself while Tyler masturbates and talks.
"I hit you and you get hard. I look at you and you get hard. Now I'm here with my dick out and you're getting hard" he says.
His hand keeps going up and down and I keep looking at him.
I had seen him naked several times and several times I had thought he was gifted and had envied him.
"Tell me, do you think all this means something?"
I shrug my shoulders.

I finish washing myself and start to sit down again but Tyler stops me.
"I'm not done yet. Stand up until I tell you to sit down"
And I obey.
My cock is erect and dangerously close to Tyler's face as he keeps alternating glances from that to my eyes.
His hand has taken a steady pace and I know he is close to the limit.
An obscene sound echoes in the room.
He makes a moan that sounds more like a growl and cums on his hand and on the bathroom floor.
He gets up, his cock still in plain sight. Puts his hand close to my mouth
"Lick" he orders.
And I lick.
The salty taste of cum mixes with the ferrous residue of that of blood.
I swallow.
He puts his cock back in his pants and sits down next to the tub.
“Can I sit down now?” I ask.
"No," he says.
His face is still close to my awkward erection.

He opens his mouth.
I watch him as he brings himself closer and closer to do what I imagined.
Sticks out his tongue and licks.the tip of my cock.
My first instinct is to cross my legs and moan, but I don't.
He continues to lick and my breathing becomes more and more erratic.
He takes it all in his mouth.

It is a new sensation.
I haven't had sex in a long time and I didn't even remember what it felt like to have someone sucking your dick.
I'm sure that even if I remembered it would be different from what I feel now.
All the things Tyler does are different.
The most normal and natural gestures take on a completely different aspect when he does them.
The way he walks, talks, eats, smokes. Things done by billions of other people. When he does them it's like seeing them for the first time.
And even this time it is something new.
I watch him from above as he makes my cock disappear down his throat and I think I've never seen or experienced anything like this.
It is not an intimate thing.
It is not a pornographic view.
It's Tyler sucking my dick at a frighteningly fast pace.
It's Tyler grabbing me by the hips and driving his nails into my flesh.
It's Tyler who makes me cum in his mouth and swallows my semen.

He moves away.
He licks his lips.
"Sit down"
I obey.
Now we are looking into each other's eyes, face to face.
He approaches and for the second time in a day he smashes his lips on me.
I respond to the kiss.
I have nothing to lose.
There isn't a part of me that Tyler doesn't know.
I feel my taste on his lips.

When he walks away I can see that his expression is nothing different than usual.
It's just Tyler.
Tyler unplugging the tub and letting it drain slowly.
Tyler lighting a cigarette and offering it to me.
Tyler looking at me, laughing and going to his bedroom.

I get out of the tub, dry off, put my clothes back on and go to bed.
"Goodnight champion" he shouts from the other room.
"Night" I reply.

When I'm with Tyler, nothing that happens has an explanation or meaning.
When I am in this house I do not exist.
Nothing that happened in here actually happened when you look at it from the outside.
In this house what had just happened was just Tyler doing what he wants and me letting him do it.
As usual.

I am Jack's awareness.

Tyler can do everything.