Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There weren’t many places Eddie often found himself on a clear-skied evening. This was a pretty typical one; sat on the splintered and graffitied bench out the back of the school, shied away from prying eyes even though none would likely be around in the dark. Trees shrouded him in their promise of seclusion. He dropped the lid of his box of goods with a clank that echoed around them.

“$45 for half an ounce,” Eddie held the baggie between two fingers, waved it in front of Jimmy- Timmy? Some sort of ‘-y’ ending name he didn’t care to remember. Another name, another face, another time.

The boy in front of him- and he was a boy, not a man- bounced his leg anxiously. It was the only thing interesting about him. The striped red and white polo, the bitten down nails, the white-blond hair swept up in a graceful swoop. Boring.

Eddie tutted when he received no reply, “I came all the way out here, man. It’s either a deal or a blood sacrifice. Which would you rather?”

The boy scrambled for his pocket, eyes darting to Eddie anxiously, “$45?”

Eddie nodded in confirmation.

It wasn’t something he should idly joke about- blood sacrifice. It was the kind of thing that would get him beat up, hung, maybe mobbed. He was lucky it hadn’t happened already. Eddie wasn’t much for leaving things to chance.

He took the screwed-up notes from Jimmy-Timmy with a smile, all teeth. It was menacing. It was funny.

“Pleasure doing business with you.” Eddie threw down the baggie, “Better run along now. It’s been a while since I ate.”

As he said it, he leaned across the table, leaning on his elbows. The boy stuffed his purchase in some ugly khaki pockets and scrambled. He tripped before reaching the treeline and Eddie had half a mind to run after him just to hear the girlish scream. Just to feel something.

Maybe he’d turn back around, give Eddie what-for, show him who’s boss.

Jimmy-Timmy was a weed, though. The most he’d do would be piss himself and scream for his mom. Eddie wasn’t interested in being the monster in someone’s nightmares. A little scare every now and then did everyone some good, however.

Eddie collected his things, patted his pocket for his keys, and headed the opposite way towards where he’d parked his van.

It was in an isolated spot. Hidden in the shadows of an abandoned k-mart that’d closed down the first time that shit went south in Hawkins.

It was the same in a few places. Husks of buildings that’d once been swarming, or maybe teeming, with ant-like tourists and people passing through to somewhere better.

The place was avoided now. Since the ‘chemical leak’, the ‘mall fire’, and now the ‘serial killer’. Chain stores had packed up their things and fucked off, leaving boarded up windows and canvases for bored youths with too much time and spray paint.

Hawkins was a ghost-town. A shadow of its former self. Too many buildings for too few people and too many governmental corruptions to count as Pleasantville. Even without the awareness that he himself had, the citizens of this place could sense its wrongness. Like a bad smell without knowing where it was coming from. Some kid having put a fish in the air vents to fuck with you years ago but there’s no way to know where and you’re not even sure if that is what’s happening.

Hawkins was its own version of Hell. The devil had a name: The Upside Down.

The town’s people called it something different: Eddie Munson.

Eddie tucked the box under his arm and dug around in his jacket pocket, smacking a kiss to his pack of cigarettes when they emerged under a little duress. He stared into a crack in the boards of what once was a Merry-Go-Round store as he lit up.

There were a few mannequins strewn on the floor. Their heads had been pulled off. No clothes remained.

As he wandered further, feeling at home among the barren shell of civilisation, something restless and insatiable itched under Eddie’s skin. He didn’t give the feeling a name. It was ugly and red. The fangs it bore dug into Eddie’s ribcage and demanded attention. The thing rolled and coiled, snuck up his throat and almost choked him as he took a drag. It burned.

He heard a voice as he passed an alley just a breath away from where he’d parked, “Aw, fuck off.”

It was familiar. Tempting, the red thing purred.

Eddie paused. Listened.

“I’m telling you, man-” Another voice. Andy.

“And I said: fuck off.” The statement was followed by laughter. Chance.

His breath quickened. Jason Carver’s dumb and dumber. The sound of an empty beer can being chucked or kicked reached his ears, caused his chest to tighten more.

Eddie had already passed them. If they were going to notice him, they would have already, and they certainly would if he stood there much longer just waiting for them to emerge from the alley and-

He stared ahead. The back of his van was visible where he’d pulled into the mini K-Mart’s empty parking lot. If he ran for it, or even just walked at a bit of a rushed pace, he’d make it. The boys didn’t even sound like they were going to leave their hang-out spot any time soon.

Eddie was safe.

He cast his eyes over his shoulder at the gaping mouth of the dark alleyway. His heart thudded. The thing crawling under his skin and in his chest that coiled around his heart and forced its way into his head- it won.

“Out partying?” Eddie stepped into the dark. The dim streetlights barely reached two feet in front of where he’d stopped. He dragged on the cigarette and thrilled at the answering silence.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Andy spat. He still had that stupid hat on, and the letterman jacket. He appeared the douche he was and if that wasn’t poetry- well.

Chance flanked his side as they managed to loom from a sizeable distance. Eddie blew smoke around himself. His heart raced but he made sure his smile didn’t falter.

Hook.

“Going for a walk. Making some trouble,” He held his arms out either side of himself, “What are you doing here? Without your pack leader, of course.”

Chance spat on the ground, “Fuck you, man.”

“Creative.” Eddie raised his eyebrows, “I think you can do better than that.”

He watched as the two boys looked at each other. They had a silent discussion; one Eddie was more than happy to wait for. With a tut, he put down his box and circled them. They both followed him and turned.

The vibration of anger with the boys was basically audible. There was a static in the air, the smell of beer and smoke hanging around them like a noose. Eddie tilted his head.

“You still think I killed her, don’t you?” Eddie goaded. Chance lurched but was held back by Andy with a firm grip on his bicep.

“Think?” Andy scoffed. He pushed the other boy behind himself and stepped into Eddie’s space, his lip curled back in a snarl that made Eddie want to laugh. It made him want to run away. He stood his ground, “You’ve always been a freak. You and your little club took it too far this time. Tarting around like the faggot you are wasn’t enough, huh? Had to have a taste of blood.”

“You know what they say-” Eddie sang- “once you’ve had a taste-”

“We don’t buy the shit they say!” Chance took Andy’s side as they backed him to the wall. He let them. The grit of the brick scraped against his jacket and that was the only thing Eddie allowed himself to mourn.

“What shit?” Eddie drawled.

Line.

“It wasn’t Creel.” Andy grabbed him by the front if his shirt, crushed the emblem of Hellfire Club in his fist, “It wasn’t some fucked up escape. I don’t know how you did it. You killed her. Jason saw you kill Patrick. You’re-”

“-The Devil?” Eddie leaned forward as much as he could with the restraint of Andy’s arm. The boy’s nostrils flared.

Sinker.

The first hit split his lip. Eddie’s head reverbed off the wall behind him and the main thought he had was finally.

The second was fucking ouch.

Andy dragged him forward with a grunt and hit him again. His fist pounded into Eddie’s cheek with so much force he dropped, could feel the gravel digging into his palms as they broke his fall. Pain bloomed through his cheek. He ran his tongue over his teeth to make sure nothing cracked.

“Admit it!” A kick landed in Eddie’s ribs, forcing him to roll over. He met Andy and Chance’s furious eyes, sparking in the darkness, and laughed.

Another kick. This one hit his stomach, over only just scarring wounds, and Eddie wrapped his arms around himself with a groan.

Suddenly Andy was on top of him. He straddled Eddie’s waist and pulled him to sitting with the front of his t-shirt, leaned in close to his face.

“Admit it.” He growled.

Eddie smiled, a little delirious, “You about to kiss me? Because I’ll be honest, you’re not my-”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence. Andy reeled back and headbutted him, hard. It sent him back to the ground and he brought one of his hands up to his forehead. Blood swam in his mouth, combined with saliva and filling it up so he had to curl onto his side and spit.

“Doesn’t look like he’s ready to fess up.” Chance said idly, like this was just another Friday, just another beat down on someone they decided deserved it.

“’Fraid not.” Eddie felt another laugh bubbling in his throat. The stars were bright from down here, with his head on the cold stone and sharpness of pain spreading over his body.

“Maybe we can persuade you.” Andy clutched Eddie’s hair with a rough grab. He pulled him up so that they were face to face from his crouch. Eddie grinned. His teeth were no doubt covered in blood.

Battered, bruised, bleeding, but Eddie could still smile. He could still talk.

“I’ll admit it if you sacrifice your friend here-” he nodded at Chance- “for my altar.”

Another hit. The same cheek. Eddie could feel his head getting lighter, his body limper, every breath looser and weaker. If this knocked him out good and cold maybe he’d finally get some sleep. If you were unconscious, you couldn’t have nightmares, right?

God, he hoped so.

A blow to his ribs again, spit on his neck, and then-

“Hey!”

Eddie couldn’t lift his head to see who’d arrived. His mind was too blurred and full of fog to even try and recognise who it might’ve been.

Andy and Chance backed away from him.

“The fuck is going on here?”

Eddie flopped onto his back. He blinked up to see that the person, his ‘saviour’, had walked into the alley and had a bat at their side, clutched in a white-knuckled grip. As the world came into slight focus, Eddie recognised the blue jacket and swoop of hair.

Steve Harrington continued, “I asked you a question.”

He was looking at the boys. Carver’s lackeys. Good, Christian boys with the fear of God and high-status jocks in their hearts. Maybe they considered Steve a god, even.

Eddie held in a giggle.

“Just serving a little justice.” Chance answered. He kicked one of Eddie’s feet and he let it go limply, uncaring of being handled like a dead body. Orion’s Belt was in view. He couldn’t spot any other constellations.

“Funny,” Steve said, like he didn’t find it amusing at all. He tapped the end of his bat on the ground by Eddie’s hip, “Not sure when you were assigned the Vigilantes of Hawkins.”

“You’re really going to defend him, Harrington?” Andy hissed. Eddie couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore but imagined a venomous point in his direction.

He heard Steve scoff, “Clearly. So, back off. Now.”

“Oh, please-” Chance, or maybe Andy, or hell maybe someone else had joined this little get together.

“Now.” Steve repeated. Eddie squinted his eyes open to see him pull the bat up from his side and rest it over his shoulder. A casual threat. Eddie could respect that.

Genuinely, he could’ve gotten up by this point. His legs worked. He was fairly sure he didn’t have a concussion.

It was tiring though, being beaten up. So, Eddie laid there. He laid there until the scrambling footsteps of Thing 1 and Thing 2 had disappeared from earshot, sputtering curses and promises of later curling off their tongues.

“Can you stand?” Steve asked him. His eyes were full of concern, and maybe a little fury. Eddie wasn’t sure if he could deal with all that, so instead he stayed where he was lying and pulled his cigarette pack out of his pocket.

Still on his back, Eddie flicked his lighter. The butt stung his open lip and the pull tasted more metallic than was entirely pleasant. Eddie dragged in a large breath anyway. He let it out and stared at the stars some more.

“Come on.” Steve held out a hand. The bat was back at his side and his eyes had lost all emotion, “I’m taking you home.”

Eddie groaned, “Wayne will have a fit.”

Steve shook his head, still holding his hand out, “Not your home. My home. You think I believe you’re gonna look after all that yourself?”

That was interesting.

See, Steve and Eddie weren’t exactly friends.

Friendly, sure. They got along. Whenever Eddie deemed something worthy enough of having his presence, namely if Dustin was there or if it was D&D related, they would talk. Shoot the shit, so to speak.

Eddie liked Steve.

They weren’t close, though. They weren’t save-you-from-assault-and-take-you-home-to-lick-your-wounds close.

Eddie would watch him from a distance. He’d appreciate his Bambi eyes and strong brow, the way he clicked with the kids and older ones alike, as if he belonged.

Not close enough to linger. Not close enough to risk. Not a friendship.

The closest they’d ever been, was when Vecna was still alive, and they had death peering over their shoulders. Since then, they’d gone back to their respective bubbles.

Eddie wasn’t in Steve’s bubble.

He wasn’t even in his universe. Steve was Orion’s Belt and Eddie was just out of view over the rooftops of the surrounding buildings.

“You’re still on the floor.” Steve pointed out to him.

So, yeah, this? This was interesting. Eddie wanted to see how it played out. He knew how to avoid unwanted questions, how to draw attention to anything other than his tender underbelly, and it’d be no different with Steve.

He blew more smoke.

“I don’t need your hand.” He said eventually. Steve rescinded his offer of help with a scowl.

As Eddie rose unsteadily to his feet, cigarette clasped in a vice grip between his lips, he saw Steve wander to the end of the alleyway. He picked something up. Chucked it at Eddie.

The grunt of pain he let out was involuntary as his box of goods hit his chest. They hadn’t even kicked him there. Somehow the ache had still spread. Karma was a bitch, and she knew Eddie’s name.

“Gimme your keys.” Steve held out that damn hand again. He was illuminated from behind by the streetlights. They created a halo around his head, around his waist, his bat that he held a distance from his body as he leaned on one hip.

“What?” Eddie replied dumbly. He had been hit in the head, after all. He took a shaky step to check for any really concerning pain, took another more confident one when it seemed concentrated to his torso and face. Small blessings.

“I said-” Steve’s eyeroll was visible even in the dark, his entire head rolling with it- “gimme your keys. You’re not driving until I know you don’t have a concussion.”

“I don’t have a concussion.”

“Exactly what someone with a concussion would say.” Steve smirked. It took some effort not to laugh, but Eddie deemed he didn’t deserve it, hadn’t earned it.

Reluctantly, and with a little show, Eddie handed over his van keys.

“Didn’t you drive?” Eddie asked.

“No.” Steve answered simply. He offered nothing else as he turned and headed to where Eddie’s van was parked. If he’d had more energy, Eddie would’ve asked where he’d come from. He would’ve asked how he knew Eddie was there, how he spotted his van, why he had a bat.

Eddie didn’t have the energy, though. Instead of asking any of those things, he walked a few paces behind the man and silently missed the feeling of being an empty shell surrounded by other cavernous places.

The drive was silent. Neither of them said anything as they climbed in, and Eddie forewent the seatbelt. Neither of them said anything when Steve hit the brakes too hard or swerved slightly. Neither of them said anything when they pulled up to the Harrington house and walked into the dark entryway.

Steve silently went up the stairs after shucking his jacket and Eddie followed. He stepped into the bathroom that as Steve flicked the overhead lights on. He let Steve slip off his jacket with tender hands and direct him to sit on the bathroom counter.

The quiet still lingered as the other man rummaged through the cabinet under the sink. He pulled out a large first aid kit. Eddie raised his eyebrows at it, received a bland look in return.

Of course, Eddie thought, remembering the tales of all the times Steve had been on the receiving end of a beating, makes sense he has a good stock.

“Is it worth asking what happened?” Steve’s voice seemed booming after the buzzing stillness despite it being next to a whisper. He procured a cotton wool ball and dabbed it on the end of the disinfectant bottle.

“Am I allowed to say no?” Though the words didn’t require much of a curve of Eddie’s lips, the split stung. He ducked his head at the man’s unwavering gaze.

“I’ll just keep asking.”

Steve didn’t give any warning or wait. He brushed the cotton over Eddie’s cheek. Without having assessed the damage for himself in the mirror- it stood behind him, daunting with how it’d reveal the truth of the night- Eddie wasn’t aware that the skin had split. He hissed as the alcohol seeped into it.

“You know those boys. Always looking for a fight,” Eddie lied, shrugging, “Wrong place, wrong time. Wrong murderer.”

“You’re not a murderer.” Steve protested. When Eddie glanced at him, his eyes were solely focused on the task at hand, not even a flinch at the words.

“I know.” Eddie breathed, “But they don’t believe that.”

Steve tossed the bloodied material aside. He grabbed another, doused it more roughly than the one before. He swiped it over his cheek again.

“What, so they attacked you? Randomly?”

Eddie stared at the cream tile on the shower wall, “Must’ve followed me from my deal. Pulled me into the alley.”

Steve hummed. He moved to Eddie’s lip. A breath pushed from behind Eddie’s teeth. He closed his eyes against the sharp pain.

“Do I look like I’m buying that?”

Eddie looked at him. Steve moved his eyes from Eddie’s lip, his thumb brushing over it slightly as he continued cleaning. There was a knowing glint. He raised one eyebrow.

Just like that, Eddie realised how close they were standing. Steve had situated himself against the outside of Eddie’s legs, his belt buckle pressed against his thigh and one hand braced on the counter by Eddie’s hip. The proximity made him short of breath. He blamed it on the discomfort, not the brush of Steve’s skin against his bottom lip.

“That’s a rhetorical question, by the way.” Steve huffed when Eddie couldn’t formulate a reply, “I don’t believe you.”

“Why not?”

“You’re a bad liar.” Steve answered. He didn’t elaborate. He took a step back, pulled a tiny torch from inside the first aid kit, “Look at me.”

Eddie did. He stared at the space between Steve’s eyebrows as he shone the light in each of Eddie’s eyes, checking for a concussion. He’d put himself between Eddie’s open legs. Like he knew it’d turn Eddie to putty, he had rested his other hand on the counter instead of on his leg, but his thumb still brushed against Eddie’s jeans.

It was endearing. The man had his tongue between his teeth and eyes narrowed as he considered the size of Eddie’s pupils.

“I’ve been told I’m a good liar, in the past.” Eddie filled the silence. The click of the flashlight filled the room instead of a reply from Steve. He put it away and stepped back entirely.

The space between them seemed too large. Infinite. Eddie still wasn’t sure why this was happening, why Steve had whisked him away to his place instead of taking him home, or just leaving him there on the floor. There was no reason for this. Eddie had been quite happy to wallow.

“Take your shirt off.”

“Take your shirt off.” Eddie retorted, leering. Again, just a blank look. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Steve was angry. He followed the instructions, “So, doc, am I concussed? Think you can save me?”

“Two very different questions.” Steve murmured, almost to himself. He took Eddie’s shirt and placed it on the closed toilet seat, “You’re not concussed.”

“Sweet.” Eddie nodded. He pressed his lips together when Steve swayed into his space again and instantly regretted it when his cut screamed.

With gentle fingertips, almost a ghost of a touch, Steve ran his fingers over Eddie’s ribs. He pressed in on where there were likely already visible bruises, ignoring Eddie’s flinches and feeling for proper damage.

It didn’t matter if there was. Broken ribs were just a rest and painkiller job, anyway. Eddie should know.

The featherlight glance was warm. It swirled past Eddie’s skin and into his bloodstream, flooding him with light where he knew there was only dark. He’d have pressed into it in another situation.

In another situation, another time, another place, it wouldn’t be bruises under Steve’s hands. He wouldn’t be caring for a broken man sat on his countertop.

The light left with Steve.

“They’re not broken.” Steve said, even though Eddie could have probably told him that. He nodded in response anyway.

The marble was cool under Eddie’s palms as he pressed them into it, curling his fingers under lip so he could squeeze and get some of the tension thrumming under his skin out. Whatever was living inside him was unsatisfied. It hissed in distaste at the gentleness Eddie was receiving. It wanted to start a fight.

“Do I get a lollipop?”

Steve ignored him, left the room. Disappointing. Usually, he was a little more fun to verbally spar with. A titillating one-on-one.

With a breath and a shake of his head, Eddie shifted around so he had one leg bent up on the counter, his knee hanging over the sink. He met his own eyes in the mirror.

There was a large blossoming bruise on his cheek, a small, jagged cut in the middle of it that put blood on Eddie’s fingertip when he touched it. It was so close to his eye that he had no doubt thT would swell in a few hours too.

In the middle of his forehead was another red mark that’d likely turn purple by the morning. He thought of the headbutt and hoped Andy would have one too.

The red around his lip was swollen and ugly, puffing his chin out and making him wonder how he could still speak. It would get worse before it got better.

The bags under his eyes were almost unnoticeable among the other abrasions to his face. He dropped his gaze to his torso. The bruises there were pointless. No one would see them. Eddie would barely see them. He could touch them, though.

He pressed his fingers into the one under his nipple. The pain rippled through his ribs like a pebble dropped into the ocean.

The door slammed open. Steve threw him some clothes, “Get dressed. Meet me downstairs.”

His brow was drawn, and he watched the hand Eddie pulled away from his torso in distaste.

“You sound mad.” Eddie batted his eyelashes, ignoring the shame at having been caught assessing his own damage, “Am I in trouble, Harrington?”

“Big.” Steve answered, nodding. It didn’t sound like a joke. Eddie wasn’t sure how to respond. He blinked dumbly as Steve shut the door again and his footsteps disappeared down the corridor.

The rush of guilt that ran through him was a little embarrassing. Steve nearly never got mad. Really mad, anyway. Annoyed? Sure, that was his emotion basically 90% of the time. He could even be considered surly.

But that silent, simmering anger Eddie could feel directed at him through the space between the bathroom door and his place sat in the orange light? That was daunting. Eddie was reluctant to get dressed and go down to face to music.

He did it anyway. Can’t hide in a bathroom forever. ‘Tis life.

The sweatshirt he’d been given had Hawkins High printed over the chest in green block lettering, grey and fraying at the sleeves and collar. He pulled on the basketball shorts after struggling out of his jeans and searched his face in the mirror.

Steeling himself with a firm nod, Eddie headed downstairs.

He lingered on the bottom step when he heard Steve’s quiet voice in the hallway.

“No, he’s fine- yeah, I know- I wasn’t going to let him go home like- of course, I’ll call in the morning-” Steve sighed loudly- “no, Robin, I really don’t think that’s a good idea- you wanted to know if anything- yes, I know- I’ve got it handled- what? Yes, I’m being nice, what do you think-”

The bottom step creaked as Eddie leaned forward to try to hear more, his hand braced on the wall. Steve stopped talking suddenly. He whispered a hushed goodbye and then he was there, in front of Eddie, his hands on his hips.

His eyes ran up and down his body. He nodded appreciatively.

“Comfy?”

Eddie tugged the sleeves of the sweatshirt over his palms, “Extremely, Harrington. Was that Robin?”

“Eavesdropping isn’t a good look, Munson.”

“Neither is spilling other people’s business.” Eddie shoved past Steve, making sure to make him stumble with his shoulder. Since apparently any form of manners were cast aside for the sake of gossip, he thought it was only fair that he could raid the man’s fridge.

One beer in his hands later and he was met with Steve’s cool gaze. He could move silently when he wanted to. Eddie leant against the fridge and stared him down.

“She worries about you.”

“Sweet, really.” Eddie rolled his eyes, “Tell mom that I can look after myself.”

“Can you?” Steve waved a hand, gesturing over the injuries and clearly unhinged state Eddie was in. He didn’t appreciate the scrutiny.

“I’m alive, aren’t I?”

“Would you be, if I hadn’t found you?” Steve didn’t wait for an answer, “You weren’t even fighting back. Would you have let them kill you?”

Eddie took a long sip of his beer. He refused to cower under that gaze, under the knowing look Steve was giving him like he was inside Eddie’s head. Instead of deigning it with an answer, he spat venom instead.

“Like it’d make a difference. Where are my keys?” He slammed the beer down on the counter and stormed to the hallway. The ceramic bowl containing all the keys of the house got emptied onto the table, and Eddie spread them with his fingers.

No dice.

“You’re not going home.” Steve had followed him again. Eddie laughed humourlessly.

“Like hell, I’m not. You’re not my keeper.” He spotted Steve’s jacket hung by the door and stuck his hands in the pockets, “Thank you for saving my life, o’ mighty hero. I’m alive. I’m cleaned up. Steve Harrington can keep his status as Hawkin’s greatest catch because he took pity on the freak-”

“Stop it!” Steve pushed him back from where Eddie was basically ripping his jacket apart, “I’ve hidden them, okay? Assumed you’d pull some shit like this and you’re not going back to an empty trailer when you’re-”

“When I’m what?” Eddie prompted with a scowl when Steve trailed off. He still had his hand on his chest, grasping the material of the sweatshirt in a sick mirror version of Andy earlier that night.

“When you’re looking for trouble.” Steve seemed to notice the similarity as well, letting go and stepping back until they both had their backs pressed to opposite sides of the hall.

Eddie looked at his feet, “I am trouble. Don’t need to look for it.”

“So, you’re going to tell me that those guys found you?” Steve asked him. He should’ve known the guy wouldn’t let it go, “Don’t lie to me, Eddie. I have a sense for it.”

“Like a superpower?” Eddie tilted his head, felt something loosen in his chest when Steve smiled.

“Sure.”

The answer still seemed out of reach. How was Eddie supposed to explain what he was feeling, why he did what he did, why he seemed to be pulled towards anything that’d make the rattling in his skull stop?

He used to be a coward. He’d run from danger unless he had a guaranteed out and hide until it’d all blown over.

How was he supposed to say that had changed? That if there was danger, some way he could provoke or cause some damage to himself, that he’d dive in headfirst? How was he supposed to tell Steve Harrington, the resident professional at dealing with supernatural shit, that he didn’t feel normal unless he was fighting something, someone?

His head was filled with static. It was constant white noise that he couldn’t drown out no matter how many joints he smoked, no matter how many beers he drank, or days he spent sleeping. The hum under his skin was loud and obnoxious and only stopped when he was being reckless, taking control, choosing to swallow himself whole in something he shouldn’t rather than someone else doing it for him.

“You’re not letting me go home.” Eddie confirmed aloud, looking up at Steve from under his bangs.

Steve crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged, “Not tonight. I’ll reassess your discharge in the morning.”

Eddie nodded. He put his hands together behind the base of his spine and pressed his lower back into them, relishing in the crushing feeling of his hands being compressed beneath the bone.

“I’m tired,” He admitted quietly, half the truth and half a way to escape this conversation and the feeling of being an open vein in front of Steve, “I can- can I just sleep? I’ll- I’ll tell you the truth in the morning.”

“In the morning.” Steve repeated. He searched Eddie’s face again, seemed to have done it a million times in the last hour, before pressing his lips together, “Fine. I’ll let you out of it. Just know that I’m locking all the doors, the windows already locked, and I’m hiding the damn keys.”

“Sounding an awful lot like a prison warden, here, Steve.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, “Well, if you weren’t such a flight risk, I wouldn’t have to take extreme measures, now, would I?” He headed back down the hall and gestured for Eddie to follow him, “You need some advill before you go to sleep. You can take more in the morning.”

“Such a good nurse.” Eddie hummed, following. He felt himself breathe a little easier at having put off the conversation, at least for now.

“You should see me in the little skirt.” Steve wiggled his eyebrows. He was busy finding the bottle of pills, so Eddie’s blush went entirely unnoticed. Under the swelling and redness that he was sporting, it likely wouldn’t have made a difference if he was looking anyway.

He was handed two advil and a glass of water. Steve watched with crossed arms, leant against the counter, as Eddie swallowed them down and drained the glass.

“Here.” Eddie stuck his tongue out, then lifted it up and pulled on one side of his mouth with a hooked finger, “Took them, nurse.”

“Good boy.” Steve praised him with a small smile. It hit somewhere deep. Eddie ignored it, “The spare room is next to mine. If you need anything during the night-”

“I’ll press the call button.” Eddie pressed his hands together in a prayer motion, shook them in Steve’s direction, “You’re a saint, really.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say.”

The room was cushy and neat. Impersonal. Eddie threw himself onto the bed and hid the grimace as his tender torso hit the mattress. He wiggled dramatically and sent a grin Steve’s way.

They said their goodnights. Steve lingered for a moment in the doorway like he wanted to say something else, but Eddie was glad when he decided against it and shut the door gently.

He was all emotion-ed out.

That was the most vulnerable he’d been in front of Steve since he’d known the guy. He wasn’t sure he could’ve handled two heart-to-hearts in as many hours.

He felt oddly warm. Cared for. Eddie curled into his side and prayed for a dreamless sleep, for some peace, a semblance of the quiet he had before all this happened.

It was long enough lying there awake to start hearing Steve’s snores through the wall. Eddie smiled to himself. He knew the guy couldn’t be as perfect as he seemed.

Steve Harrington snores, Eddie thought victoriously.

He pulled his knees up and ignored the twinge of pain in his side from the motion. The throbbing in all the places in his body seemed dulled, the painkillers having their intended effect, and Eddie welcomed sleep with open arms.

In the morning, Steve had said. He expected honesty. Eddie wasn’t entirely sure he could give it to him, not entirely sure he knew what the truth was.

In the morning.

Chapter Text

The morning came with a shudder. It sprang Eddie upright in a panic and he clutched his chest, desperately trying to find the guitar strap that was keeping him from safety, being used to drag him up and-

No strap. Eddie glanced down at his chest. No guitar, no stagnant air or demonic bats. No danger. He let out a breath from between his teeth.

The light bleeding through the curtains at the window was weak and orange. A glance at the clock told Eddie it was barely even morning, 5am. Streetlights rather than sunlight, then.

He considered trying to go back to sleep. The clawing feeling still lingering in his back and on his hip- a phantom pain that he feared would never leave him- kept his eyes firmly open.

“Fucking Harrington.” Eddie cursed aloud, thinking of his usual not-so-morning routine of smoking and staring at the ceiling until everything blurred. He ached for the familiarity of it.

It’d been months of the same thing, since dropping out of high school for fear of being mobbed in the halls. Eddie was safe in his daily routine. The unfamiliarity of being in Harrington’s spare bedroom made his skin crawl in the vulnerability of first waking.

He drew himself from bed with a groan. It was luxurious, plush, everything his bed in the trailer wasn’t, but hesitating wasn’t worth it. He had to sort himself out before Steve woke.

Somewhere between falling asleep, the nightmare, and the blind panic consuming his chest now, Eddie decided Steve wasn’t worth his time.

Why be honest? Why try to articulate something he didn’t understand himself for the sake of some guy’s peace of mind?

It didn’t matter. Eddie didn’t matter. It was all the same in the end. Steve, the kids, Robin, Nancy. They were all fine without him. They had been fine without him.

Months had passed since Vecna. The new school year had begun. Steve and Robin were working full time at Family Video. Dustin and the other kids were starting their Sophomore year. Nancy had taken a gap year from college, getting more experience in the field and taking time to heal apparently.

Eddie disappeared. He’d made his appearances less frequent. With the rest of their lives moving on, it didn’t matter that he’d faded into the background. It was better, really.

He could handle his own shit. Deal, sleep, smoke, drink, maybe eat. It didn’t matter.

The last thing he needed was Steve Harrington of all people barging in and taking over his life. Making it into something different.

Something better, Eddie thought, sort of hopefully, but pushed it way down. Better wasn’t an option, not for him. He’d been dealt his hand a long time ago. Accepted it when he’d been sure he was going to die, and his last thought was of Chrissy Cunningham’s bleeding eyes and popped jaw.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs on light feet, Eddie tried to think like Steve. Where would he hide keys? Eddie hoped he was stupid enough to not take them into his room, find some hidey-hole on the first floor that would be easy for him to spot.

“If I were keys-” Eddie muttered to himself- “where would I hide?”

First Eddie tried under every rug. He felt between the couch cushions. He turned every empty vase upside down to hope his keys would clatter out and he could escape.

Then he moved to the entrance hall. Steve was smart in some ways, but dumb in many others, and Eddie had no doubt that they could be somewhere there.

He felt in the pockets of every jacket. Glanced over the closet and pulled boxes out to see if they were behind them.

“A-ha!” Eddie celebrated in a whisper shout when he found them in one of Steve’s flawless, white Reebok’s.

As he pulled them out, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. He watched its descent. Who kept receipts in their shoes? So anxious to return them?

He crouched down and lifted the paper, turning it over to see Steve’s messy handwriting over the front of a post-it note.

Not going to fight you to stay- but call me when you get home safe

Underneath the writing was the Harrington residence home number. Eddie blinked at the message.

He screwed up the note and tossed it back into the shoe. Harrington could live without his call. They’d barely seen each other for over a month and suddenly he thought he was entitled to a phone call?

‘Don’t worry baby, I got home safe. Sleep sweet my lovely little angel.’

Fuck off.

Rising from his stoop, Eddie picked up his jacket and other clothes he’d been stripped of the night before, having procured them before making his escape. He pulled the jacket on and felt in his pocket for his cigarette pack.

At least he still had those. Pride, though? Nah.

Eddie found a bobby pin in one of the drawers by the front door and set to work unlocking it. It was easy, muscle memory, like hot-wiring a car. There weren’t many things Eddie was thankful for in his childhood but this handy little skill was receiving all his gratitude right now.

Once he was out of the house, he took A deep breath. The morning was cold. Still dark. Streetlights lined the street and lit the sprawling houses in a way that highlighted how Eddie was alone. No witnesses. No prying eyes.

He hopped into his driver seat and thrummed the engine to life with urgency. With how it sputtered and churned every time, he knew he had probably 2 minutes before Steve would be downstairs and calling him back. If he cared to.

He had said he wouldn’t fight Eddie to stay.

As he peeled out of the driveway and raced down the road, Eddie vaguely registered that Steve’s car wasn’t in the driveway.

*

Wayne wasn’t home when Eddie pulled in. The lights were out and his shitty banger wasn’t in its usual spot by the door. Eddie silently thanked whatever powers there may be.

He slammed into the trailer and headed to his room. The stash in his bedside drawer called his name. With lighter and joint in hand, Eddie headed to his usual spot.

Being on the roof of the trailer should’ve brought back memories. Eddie should’ve seen curling vines on the metal and felt the piercing cries of the bats as they swarmed towards him that day.

That’d been what he was hoping for the first time he came up. To feel that terror again. Bring something to the front of his mind that wasn’t conjured by sleep, only present when he was completely checked out and unable to stop it.

Control. That’s what Eddie had been yearning for.

Instead, he felt the same up here as he did anywhere. A whole load of nothing. A thrum, vague and faint. The static. The loneliness.

No fear, though. No terrible looming fright that made him short of breath and run back inside like he wanted to live and was so thankful he made it out alive.

Eddie watched the sunrise as he smoked. It burned over the horizon and lit the trailer park in an ethereal glow that made it seem more beautiful than it was. Something about the morning light turned rusted metal and overturned plastic chairs into an intricate painting; yellows, oranges, and reds folding into each other and glossing over the rough edges of Eddie’s surroundings.

He closed his eyes against it. The pinkish haze of the inside of his eyelids was a reprieve, providing solace for him as he felt his chest expand and decompress with each breath he took.

Time passed quickly, and painstakingly slow at the same time. Eddie dropped through it with the careful ease that came from being outside of his own body, watching from a distance as he sat there and ignored the hunger pains and scratch in his throat from thirst.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there. The sun reached past the hill ahead and despite its warmth, the threadbare sweater and shorts Eddie hadn’t bothered changing out of didn’t provide enough insulation.

As he was debating heading back into the trailer to his bed, to his beer, head pleasantly fogged and moderately quiet, a familiar BMW pulled into view.

It churned it’s way down the road and slid to a stop outside of Eddie’s place. He sighed and wished he’d brought up a second joint. Something to do with his hands while Steve berated him for running.

There’s no shame in it, Eddie planned responding in his mind, at least no one died this time.

Steve climbed out of the driver’s seat in his own sweet time. He ran a hand through his hair and blinked up at Eddie like it wasn’t surprising to find him there, on his own roof. Whoever taught the man to mask his emotions did a damn good job. His stupid blue striped polo made him stand out like a sore thumb amongst the ‘squaller’.

“Munson.” Steve greeted him with a nod. He nodded back, preparing himself for the onslaught, “You have a kitchen right?”

That- was not what Eddie thought he would say. He nodded again, pulled his knees up to his chest and tried not to look too disappointed at having predicted wrong. At having missed out on a fight.

Steve brought a brown paper bag stuffed to the brim with groceries out of his car, “Cool. I’ll call you down when it’s ready.”

“When what’s ready?” Eddie’s question fell on deaf ears. He heard the door shut as Steve let himself into the trailer, “When what’s ready, Harrington?!”

Suddenly feeling wrongfooted and unstable, Eddie stared at the point where he’d last seen Steve.

He was a whirlwind. In the calmest way a person could be. He hadn’t mentioned last night, or the fact that Eddie had bolted, or even the fact that he’d apparently been out at 5am driving to God knows where.

Eventually curiosity won out. Eddie clambered down from the roof and slipped in the door. Somehow in the few minutes between entering the trailer and Eddie following, Steve had emptied all the cupboards of pots and pans and was setting the contents of his bag out on the counter.

“Please, make yourself at home.” Eddie commented, sidling up to the little kitchen. He heard Steve scoff but didn’t receive a reply.

After deciding which pans were best, Steve went about putting the rest away in a more orderly fashion than they’d been haphazardly thrown in before. As he worked, Eddie scanned over what the man brought.

A can of chopped tomatoes, some turkey mince, lasagne sheets of pasta, onions, mushrooms, a clove of garlic, some fancy white sauce, pre-grated cheese, and a six pack of beer. Eddie helped himself to one.

Still looking at the array of goods, he popped the can open, “You making me dinner at-” he glanced at the clock- “noon?”

“Have you eaten?” Steve asked him. His head was still in the cupboard, so he didn’t see Eddie’s glare.

“No.” He answered reluctantly.

“Well, then-” Steve cursed as he bumped his head on the way out of his organising ritual- “you can have a late lunch, and there’s more in the car.”

“More?” Eddie looked towards the door.

What was happening right now? He leant against the counter and assessed Steve, trying to see something in him that would explain this frankly motherly behaviour. The man was veritably nesting.

“Yeah,” Steve shrugged. He didn’t meet Eddie’s eye and started gathering his ingredients, “Thought you could do with stocking up, knowing what you’re like. Have you got a chopping board somewhere?”

Eddie gestured with his beer to where there was a red plastic chopping board propped behind some unopened letters, “You ‘know what I’m like’? Harrington, you barely know me,” He laughed, shaking his head in wonder at the nerve, “We’ve never hung out, barely talked, and you’re gonna stand there and claim to know what I’m like?”

Steve put down the chopping board with a clatter. He pulled open every drawer until he found a sharp knife and placed an onion down on it, began peeling and chopping.

“Yeah, I know what you’re like. I’m observant, and not fucking stupid.”

“Language, Harrington,” Eddie tutted, taking a long swig, “What would your mother think?”

“You’ve lost weight,” Steve abandoned the onion and the pan audibly sizzled behind him where the oil had heated up. Eddie ran his tongue over the closed split in his lip, “I can see basically all your ribs. Ergo, you haven’t been eating-”

“Alright-”

“You’ve had dark circles under your eyes for the last month.” Steve continued as if Eddie hadn’t spoken, sparking like a match in the dim kitchen, “Every time anyone asks you how you are, you make a joke. Every laugh, every quip, every smile-” he shook his head- “they’re fake. So, yeah, we haven’t spoken. Sure, you don’t think of me as your friend, but I know what not coping looks like.”

Eddie scoffed, his heart racing, that feeling of being exposed and raw making his eyes sting, “God, a little obsessed with me, Steve?”

“Fuck you, dude.” Steve gritted his teeth, turned back to the onions, swiftly dicing them before sliding them into the pan, “We stick together through this shit. As soon as you jumped in that lake; as soon as you followed us through the Upside Down and protected Dustin and- just, you’re one of us.” Steve rested his hands on the counter like he’d run out of steam, head ducked, “We don’t leave a man behind. Ever.”

“Oh, yeah?” Eddie wished he could stop himself, keep his mouth shut and accept care, but- “I don’t want to be one of you. I thought I made that clear.”

“Clear.” Steve nodded with a laugh. He got started on the mushrooms as the room filled with the aromatic smell of frying onions, “Clear, sure. You obviously hate people, Eddie. You obviously don’t want to be around us when the start of you acting off and trying to put me in an early grave with stress was when the term started. When life started moving again,” The mushrooms joined the onions in the pan, and Steve turned on him with raised eyebrows, chopping board and knife still in hand, “Am I close? Are you going to tell me again that I don’t know you?”

To hear all of that out loud, that he’d been noticed, made Eddie immediately want to curl up into a ball and combust. He averted his eyes. Sipped his beer.

Steve made a small victorious sound and turned back to the stove. He flicked the oven on to preheat. Eddie watched his back, panic, and confusion bubbling within him and battling it out for which got the most attention.

He chose the third option. Ignorance is bliss.

“You gonna have a beer?” Eddie pushed the pack over the counter towards where Steve was crouched looking through the oven door.

“Sure.” Steve pulled one out of the plastic rings, “I did buy them, after all.”

“Come on, you’re cooking for me. Least I can do is play the part of gracious host.” Eddie bowed dramatically. When he rose again, Steve was considering him with an assessing look, “What?”

“You’ve got a black eye.” Steve made an aborted movement with his hand, like he was going to touch Eddie’s cheek, “It’s pretty swollen. You should put some ice on it.”

Eddie lifted his can and pressed it against the corner of his eye, “This’ll have to do. Am I still pretty?” He batted his eyelashes.

Steve made a show of scanning his face, narrowing his eyes, and twisting his mouth in dramatic thought.

“The split lip and eye aren’t so bad.” He smirked, “The bump on your forehead, though? Hilarious. You might wanna put the beer on there to get that sucker down.”

Eddie sucked in a breath through his teeth, moved the beer, “Give it to me straight, jeez. Way to inflate an ego.”

“You asked.” Steve raised his eyebrows, like honesty was just as easy as that. It was commendable. Stupid.

As they made the lasagne, Eddie made himself useful. He assembled the pasta and mince in the oven dish, following Steve’s instructions of when to add what, finally topping it with the white sauce and a heavy load of grated cheese.

Once the dish was in the oven and the egg timer Steve had brought along was set, Steve asked for Eddie’s help to bring in the other bags.

Other bags, plural.

Steve had basically bought the entire supermarket.

There were cans of soup, spaghettios, vegetables that didn’t require cooking. There were pastas and jars of sauce, some fruit that would last, apples and green bananas. No more beer, which was a shame, but Steve had bought him a large box of cans of coke, so he supposed they would do to get the fizz until he could go to the store for himself.

As they were unpacking, Eddie realised that none of the food was fresh. Aside from the fruit. He stared at the side of Steve’s face as he put the copious jars and cans in the cupboard and felt consumed by how thoughtful that was.

Eddie was struggling to eat, he could admit that, especially now that Steve knew that, and the guy had chosen the easiest foods in the world to provide him with. Foods that required next to no prep. It made his heart swell, just a little. Made him grab his hair and cover his face with it as Steve removed the cooked lasagne from the oven with a dishtowel as oven gloves.

The only thing that would’ve completed the event would be a pink frilly apron. Eddie almost said it aloud but didn’t want to break the jokeless calm that had fallen over them.

Steve left at 4pm, but not without a promise.

“I’m going to call you tomorrow.” He said to Eddie on the steps, his eyes serious and piercing, “You’re going to answer. The kids want to go bowling, and when I tell you the time, you’re going to be there. Okay?”

“Okay.” Eddie raised his eyebrows, “You’re bossy, you know that?”

“Seems like you need instruction. Cute sweater, by the way.” Steve smiled at him, wide and unassuming, unaware of the number of emotions running through Eddie at the statement. He waved over his shoulder as he headed to his car.

Once he shut the door, and the flurry of Steve Harrington’s presence was truly gone from the trailer, Eddie realised how tired he was. Bone-tired. He rubbed his hands over his face. Instantly regretted it when he hit every bruise on the way.

Despite being drained, feeling like he’d been dragged through thorns and left bleeding and bare, Eddie took a moment to appreciate how quiet it was. No thrum. No buzz. Just a full stomach and lingering feelings of contentment and confusion from the afternoon.

*

The kids, and Steve, were already gathered by their aisle and shouting over each other by the time Eddie arrived. He was a little late. It’d been a challenge to convince himself to go at all, oscillating between just not showing up, calling Steve and saying he was ‘sick’, or faking his own death.

In the end the thought of actually seeing their stupid little faces won out.

He could see Dustin, Lucas, and Max beside the balls, arguing over who got dibs on which. Steve watched over them with El by his side. They were murmuring to each other and something Steve said caused the girl to laugh loudly, covering her mouth.

Eddie felt displaced. He swallowed the dread down and walked over.

“Save the heaviest one for me, children, I can handle it.” Eddie placed his hands on Dustin’s shoulders since he wasn’t looking and relished in the squeak that came out of the boy. At least there was something he was reliable for.

“Eddie!” He turned around with a grin that immediately fell when he saw his face. There was a moment of confusion before, “What the hell happened to your face?”

“Dude.” Lucas said emphatically, nodding while his eyes ran over Eddie’s face and the bruises and swelling there.

Eddie grinned, “You should see the other guys. We playing, or not?”

Dustin opened his mouth to say something else, probably pry, and Eddie made an effort to keep his smile in place despite the scrutiny making him squirm.

“Alright, leave the guy alone.” Steve joined their circle with a wave of his hand, “If you want a drink before we start, go get one now, else I’m taking your turn if you’re not here for it.”

The kids scattered, Max shooting a look over her shoulder at Eddie that said he’d be hearing about this the next time they bumped into each other outside their trailers. Now he had that to look forward to.

Steve bumped their shoulders together, “Okay?”

“What, you worried about me, Harrington?” Eddie tipped his head forward to look up at the man through his eyelashes, desperately ignoring the black hole in his chest trying to swallow him whole or make him dive belly first down the bowling aisle just to get the feeling out of his gut.

“Whatever, man.” Steve dismissed him with a turn of his head. Eddie swallowed roughly.

“I need a coke.” He muttered before heading in the direction of the kids.

It was refreshing, to scare them and play the role of irritating older brother. He ruffled Max’s hair until she slapped him away; pulled Dustin’s hat over his eyes when he wasn’t paying attention; picked El up and spun her in a circle while she laughed.

He and Lucas egged Max on as she tried to carry all their glasses in her hands back to their place. She had four, a true feat, El sucking on the straw of her milkshake with wide eyes as she watched. They made it without a drop hitting the floor.

Eddie noticed El’s small smile when Max seemed pleased about it.

Part of him wanted to point out that she’d absolutely cheated but he didn’t have the heart. If there was anyone that he couldn’t be his usual mean self to, it was El. She’d had enough tough love.

“What are the stakes?” Eddie heaved the heaviest ball up, pushed it over his head and dramatically moved it like he was lifting a weight, making the face he’d seen all ‘strong men’ make when they heaved a tire down the road.

“Winner gets-” Max hummed in thought. She looked to Lucas with raised eyebrows.

He scrambled for an idea- “A favour. From one of us, anyone, their choice.”

“A favour?” Eddie scoffed, “That’s so anticlimactic. Where’s the drama, the desperate want to motivate us to win no matter how much it takes?”

“It’s bowling.” Steve pointed out from his place lounging on the squeaky plastic bench next to the bowling ball return system, “Does it have to mean that much?”

Yes, Eddie wanted to say, because everything has to have a reason, something I can think about to get me through it or else my mind makes it blur.

“Yes.” Dustin widened his eyes meaningfully, “What’s the point in winning if there’s no trophy? A favour could be cool, depending on how you use it.”

El nodded, already having picked out a bright yellow ball, holding it between both hands, “Especially if you ask me. I can do anything.”

Eddie tapped his chin, imagining all the fun and stupid things he could do with a telekinetic 15-year-old at his will, “Fair point. I’ll take it.”

“No powers, though.” Lucas pointed at the girl in question, raising his eyebrows, “You can’t make the pins fall down, or else you lose automatically.”

El sighed heavily, “Fine. I will not cheat.”

“Could you cheat for me?” Steve asked slyly, biting his lip with wide imploring eyes. Eddie noted the girl’s blush, but she held her ground, shaking her head roughly and marching over to the starting line to take her turn.

They all cheered and jeered as the first game went on. Eddie powered through his coke and received a glare from Steve when he went to go get another one, wiggling his eyebrows playfully in response.

Steve won the first round. Really, no one should’ve been surprised, and he boasted about it with a puffed-up chest that made Eddie laugh. What was surprising was that Dustin came in close second (“It’s all about tactics and angles, guys.”).

The bright lights and music, plus kids’ laughter and shouting, meant Eddie didn’t have the chance to dwell on whatever hurt lingered in his chest. It was like being in a steaming hot bath. Almost boiling, without the chance of registering the feeling of actually existing in your body when the burn was all over.

“I wasn’t even trying,” Eddie insisted, stripping himself of his leather jacket and rolling up his t-shirt sleeves as if it’d make more room for movement. He looked at Steve to find the other man staring at his arms. He raised one eyebrow when the man’s eyes flicked back up again.

“It’s your stance.”

“My stance?” Eddie laughed, stepped into Steve’s space so they were basically nose-to-nose, “Steve Harrington, you gonna give me pointers?”

“I can.” Steve had his hands on his hips. His mouth twitched, just a suggestion of a smile in the corner as he squared up.

“Oh, he’s a big boy now. Why don’t you show me how it’s done?”

Steve narrowed his eyes, “Fine.”

It was so lovely how the man took the bait. Finally, he was playing the game, dancing to the tune Eddie strung and falling into his role as easily as ever.

It was Eddie’s turn, so they both walked to the edge of the aisle with matching anticipatory glances at each other. Steve put his hand over the one Eddie was holding the ball with. He brought it up and assessed how he was holding it.

“You’re better off with your ring finger-” Steve cupped the top of the ball with his other hand and turned it over so he could tap his fingertips on top of Eddie’s rings- “and this one. Then use your pointer for balance, thumb in the bottom one.”

Eddie followed his lead, his cheeks hot. He adjusted his fingers, thrilled at the pleased hum that vibrated in Steve’s chest.

“Have one foot back.” Steve took his hands away from the ball, kicked at one of Eddie’s ankles until he moved it as instructed, “Lean your weight on it when you swing back and tip to your front when you release. Which one is your dominant leg?”

“Dominant leg?” Eddie repeated with a frown.

Steve sighed, “When you hop, or skip, or do a fuckin’ cartwheel- I don’t know- which leg is planted?”

Eddie thought on it for a second, skipped in place to make an assessment.

“My right.” He nodded, planted that one back as Steve had told him, then looked at the other man again for the next step.

Steve had a small smile on his face, something fond in his eyes when he looked up from Eddie’s feet.

“Okay, so just swing back, and release at about hip height. Try aim a little to one side, not down the middle, because it always curves slightly.”

“Right, right.” Eddie stared down the pins with the mightiest glare he could muster, “Gonna make those fuckers my bitch.”

“Yeah, you are.” Steve encouraged him. He gave him a clap on the back before returning to the others.

“Come on!” Max shouted to him, “Enough pussying around.”

“Jesus, Mayfield.” Eddie shook his head with a breathless laugh. He swung back and leaned on his back leg, kept his eye on the pin just to the left of the middle as he brought the ball forward and released it exactly where Steve had told him to.

The ball flew, landed, then rolled, a little too far to the left. Eddie bit his lip and ignored the sting of the healing cut as he watched 6 pins fall down with a mighty crash.

“Yes!” Steve yelled, running forward and shaking him by his shoulders from behind, “New personal best.”

Dustin hooted, “He’s a star!”

“A professional!” Lucas applauded.

“What are you guys talking about?” Max scrunched her face up, waving a hand in his direction as Eddie headed to grab another ball for his spare, “He still sucks.”

“He did better.” El nodded at him, her face serious and sincere. It was something Eddie always appreciated about her.

Eddie picked up the new ball and tilted his head at Max, “You’re not even winning, Red. No authority to say who sucks or not, I’m pretty sure.”

“Whatever.” The girl rolled her eyes, but there was a flush of shame on her cheeks and neck that would’ve usually made him feel guilty.

Instead, “You’re on my list. If I come second to last, it’ll be fine if you’re there on the end.”

With a teasing look and flick of his hair over his shoulders, Eddie repeated everything he’d learned to knock down all but one of the remaining pins.

“He shoots! He almost scores!” He cupped a hand by his ear, “And the crowd goes wild. ‘Aaahhh!’”

In the end, it was still Steve who won overall. He picked El up in his glory, holding her in a bridal carry as he did squats and yelled about how strong and amazing he was. The girl giggled and flailed before roughing up Steve’s hair to force him to drop her.

“Why does everyone like to pick me up?” She asked the group, short of breath and a little red-faced.

“Because you’re a princess.” Eddie grasped her shoulder and leant down to meet her eye, “Gotta get the full treatment.”

She preened under the attention before letting herself be pulled away by Max to the arcade. Dustin and Lucas followed, chattering to each other about how they could beat Steve next time and finally have their victory, no matter which of them did it.

Before Eddie could linger in the sudden quiet, Steve sidled up to him with a smug smile.

“Want to know what my favour’s going to be?”

Eddie gave him a blank look, “You’re going to use it on me, aren’t you.”

Steve shrugged. He blinked slowly and widened his eyes to look more innocent. Under the purple lights, his cream sweater looked lilac, and Eddie was struck by just how beautiful he was.

“You’ll see.” Steve said cryptically. He raised his eyebrows, wiggled his shoulders and head smugly before turning to join the others. A warm, dangerous feeling settled in Eddie’s stomach at the sight of his swaying hips and the sound of his low promise before disappearing.

The bruise in his stomach brought Eddie back to reality when he pressed into it with two fingers. Fuck.

*

The restless energy that filled Eddie once he entered his empty trailer sent him to the roof again. He watched the sunset, got unreasonably high, and stared at the teddy bear he’d brought up with him.

The teddy bear, the tether to earth, to stop Eddie from either sinking into the ground and being buried or drifting to the clouds and disappearing.

Steve won it for him.

He’d made a go at the claw machines. Several attempts. It’d just been him and Eddie by that point, the others having found a photobooth and disappeared into it.

After the third attempt, Steve came out victorious. He’d brandished the blue plush bear with a grin and handed it to Eddie.

“For keeping to your word.” He’d said, like Eddie showing up at all was something worth rewarding. Worth something.

“You gonna give me a treat every time I show up to these things?” Eddie had asked, teasing smile on his face to hide the genuine joy he felt at having a tiny soft toy in his hands, given to him by someone who actually seemed to care.

“If it keeps you coming, of course.”

God, Eddie was fucked. He was so incredibly fucked it wasn’t even funny. He pulled at the scab on his lip until it started bleeding again, pressed the end of his blunt into the metal of the trailer roof even though it’d burned out a minute ago. The metallic taste ran down the back of his throat.

He spun a ring idly around his middle finger. It had a jagged edge on the back, one he pressed into his skin as he spun it so that it left a pale white mark, not quite breaking the skin but still leaving a trace of hurt.

The sun disappeared. Eddie’s eyes burned from too long without blinking as he stared at the world go dark. He tipped his head back and gazed at the stars.

Staying there was easy. Not moving was easy. Pretending he didn’t exist, knowing that the world would keep turning without his presence, that everyone would move on as if he were never there, maybe even be better off for it.

He blinked.

A wet tear ran down his cheek and Eddie wasn’t sure if it was from being in the wind too long or whatever feeling was swelling in his stomach.

“Fuck.” Eddie rubbed his hands over his face, uncaring of the pain that bloomed as he did, thankful for its sting distracting from whatever was going on inside his head. He pressed two fingers into the lump on his forehead. Groaned as the pain increased but let out a heavy breath- or maybe it was a sob- when it made his rolling and traitorous terror abate slightly.

The phone rang inside the trailer.

The sharp tone of it made Eddie jump, eyes darting to the vent where the sound came through. He rubbed a hand over his arm, feeling the goosebumps there, and turned back to the glowing strip of sun still visible on the horizon.

A minute or so later, the phone rang again.

Eddie glared at the vent.

It had to be after 6pm. Who rang after 6pm? Who even rang the Munson residence anyway?

Finally, it stopped ringing again and Eddie dropped his head to his forearms where they rested over his knees.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Eddie pulled at his hair when the phone trilled up to him for a third time. He slid down from the roof, muttering under his breath, “Fuckin’ assholes taking up my time- makin’ me move from my- not high enough for this shit-” he pulled the phone from the receiver and slammed it against the side of his face- “What?!”

A hesitant laugh from down the line, “Wondered how many times I’d have to ring to get you to answer.”

“Steve?” Eddie held the phone away from his face as if he’d see some sort of confirmation that it was him calling just from looking at it.

“Don’t sound too excited, Munson,” Steve drawled, voice impossibly entertained, “Just wanted to make sure you got home okay.”

“You’re such a romantic.” Eddie cooed. He stroked a hand down his throat, trying to soothe the burning sensation there from holding in his emotion just to talk to Steve Harrington of all people.

“So I’ve been told.” Steve hummed, “You good?”

Eddie screwed his eyes shut, “Yeah, I’m golden. Mission accomplished, you cured me.”

Steve must’ve heard the edge to his voice, because his softened, “I don’t know who this tough act is for, Eddie, but it’s just me. You can tell me.”

“Jesus, Harrington,” Eddie laughed, a cold and bitter thing that ripped from his throat and made the corner of his eyes water, “Can’t a guy just have a night to himself? We’ve spent more time together these past couple days than we have in our lives.”

“Eddie-”

“All this talk of honesty and you were disappeared somewhere in the middle of the night when I was at yours-”

“What? When-”

“Your car, Steve,” Eddie spat, “You weren’t there. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

Steve sighed down the line, “It’s not important where my car was, Eddie.”

Interesting that you say your car, but not you, Eddie thought, but cast it aside as exhaustion flowed over him like a heavy blanket.

“Just- just leave me alone, okay?” Eddie sank to the floor, pulled his knees to his chest, and willed himself to hold it in, to contain himself, to not let what had been festering bubble over while he was on the phone, “You’re fucking suffocating, man.”

It was a lie. Eddie knew it was a lie. He hoped Steve knew it was a lie.

It was so easy to say, though. Deny, deny, deny. Eddie would push until he was blue in the face, drape himself in spite and theatrical displays to hide in plain sight.

Steve hadn’t responded, but the dial tone hadn’t played either.

Eddie pushed, “Just because you look after a bunch of 15-year-olds doesn’t mean you can pull me in like I’m one of them. I’m not your project, so why don’t you go bother someone else?”

The dread in Eddie’s chest grew. His breaths heaved, the wall in front of him blurring and his hands clenched so hard into fists he could feel his blunt fingernails digging into his palm.

“Goodnight, Eddie.” Steve said firmly and without the gentle undercurrent that’d been present before. The phoneline clicked followed by a long beep.

Eddie dropped the phone. He let it hang from the cord, swaying and hitting his shoulder before stopping completely and remaining as still as the rest of the space. As still as Eddie. He dropped his eyes from the wall and tucked his head into the groove between his knees.

He wondered if the creature inside him would be satisfied now. If this was enough, this feeling of being completely alone and having been the one to cause it.

The trailer rattled in the wind. The only sound besides that was the echoing stammer of Eddie’s own breathing.

As Eddie sat there, sure it was where he belonged and where he would always be, he finally let himself cry.

Chapter Text

Music pounded in Eddie’s ears. Eddie was in the kitchen of Harry Davis’ 18^th birthday party, surrounded by faces he barely knew and alcohol he’d consumed about half of.

He wasn’t invited, per say, but him showing up wasn’t as big a deal as it would’ve been a few months ago. Most of the town had moved on. A few dirty looks here and there, the odd slur or curse thrown at him from across the street.

He was just ‘The Freak’ again. Rejected for everything he was, but no longer a supposed murderer that deserved to be burned at the stake. At least, for most of the residents of Hawkins. To a certain group that didn’t even need naming, he was still enemy number one.

He’d had a blissful three days without contact from anyone, aside from Wayne’s fleeting presence between shifts, and short calls with clients organising a meeting spot to buy their shit from him.

He hadn’t heard from Steve. Not a call, not bumping into each other at the store Eddie frequented (they never had before, but part of him hoped for it anyway), and no random visits at the trailer. It was back to the way it was.

Normalcy. Excruciating.

Three people had already bought from him here, from his stash on the inside pocket of his jacket that he brought with him everywhere in case someone needed a hit. It lined his pockets and eased some of his fear of being unable to help Wayne since he was an adult now. A high school non-graduate.

The music thrummed, making the buzz in Eddie’s head dull in comparison, and he was well on his way to utterly fucked up. No one spoke to him so it didn’t matter if he slurred his words. No one even paid him any mind. A ghost in the halls of a rich boy’s house, welcomed with anonymity that only came from a party bursting at the seams with drunk teenagers.

He weaved his way through the crowd to head to the upstairs bathroom. The drink he had was almost empty, so he threw it down his throat and dropped the cup on a nearby table.

The striped, blue carpet made his eyes hurt, but he had to keep them on the ground to make sure he didn’t fall face first. That was the first thing Eddie always lost when he was wasted- balance.

On the way up the stairs, “Hey, Eddie-”

He looked up from concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, met none other than Heather Guilford’s eyes. Chrissy’s friend, his mind hazily provided.

Swallowing down panic and the urge to run, Eddie nodded at her, his eyes wide.

“You doing okay?” Heather asked him. She seemed sincere. Eddie still waited for the following comment, something scathing, nasty, calling him out for what he was. If not a murderer, then a freak, something other.

He gripped the bannister for support, “I should be asking you that. I’m good.”

She tilted her head at him as if she saw right through the lie, but didn’t point it out, simply putting a dainty, manicured hand on his shoulder with a pitying smile. God, Eddie hated that smile. It made him feel like a wounded puppy instead of the livewire he knew he was.

“Enjoy the party.”

With that, Heather Guilford walked away from him to the bottom of the stairs and greeted the rest of her friends with a laugh that bubbled out of her like she didn’t have to try.

Eddie wondered what it was like to not fake it. To have lost what she lost, to have seen what he’d seen, and still keep that essence that made life worth living.

The conversation felt a whole lot like forgiveness. Something loosened in Eddie’s chest as he stepped into the bathroom and relieved himself. A weight, one he was all too aware of carrying for the last 6 months, eased just a fraction from the placid smile and laughter still ringing in his ears.

There was something about bathrooms at parties. If you thought you were handling your drink, holding it down good and well, still functioning with little to no difficulty, the bathroom threw that all down the drain. Literally and figuratively.

Eddie swayed in front of the mirror. His eyes caught on the healing yellow-green bruises across his face and something like pride swelled in his chest. He did that.

A trace, proof of still having the ability to be hurt, of being human.

He brushed his fingertip over his cheek, the worst of the bunch. It still stung. The beating was only four days ago, so it wasn’t all that surprising, but part of him had been scared that he’d wake up one day and find the pain gone. Find that all the hurt Eddie had was entirely inside himself with nothing to prove to the world that he was damaged.

The door swung open, “Oh! I’m so sorry, I-”

“Nancy?” Eddie asked the intruder, like he wasn’t sure. With what he’d taken and drank, he couldn’t entirely trust his own mind but that was definitely Nancy Wheeler standing in the doorway, far more sober than him, and staring at his face in slack-jawed shock.

She recovered quickly, “This door locks, you know,” She said with a quiet laugh, “For future reference.”

“Well, I’m all zipped up so it could’ve been worse.” Eddie smiled at her as best he could, gave himself one last look over to check his pain hadn’t disappeared in the last thirty seconds, and tried to slip past the girl.

“Eddie,” She caught him with a hand on his elbow. The girl had small hands, capable of a lot with the right weapon, but he could have easily pulled himself out of her grip. He let her talk, “What happened?”

“Lots.” Eddie nodded, heaving a sigh worthy of a hard-done-to housewife, “Gotta be more specific, Wheeler.”

The word specific came out as a blur of syllables. Nancy understood him anyway.

“The bruises.” She clarified quietly.

Eddie scoffed, “Harrington didn’t tell you?” He tilted his head into her space, felt a twinge of guilt when she backed up into the door, “Everyone’s so invested in how I got my bruises, but it’s pretty obvious isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so.” Nancy frowned at him. She jutted her chin out, never one to back down, and Eddie was too drunk to take her on in a battle of wills.

“I deserve it, and someone finally took one for the team.” He stepped back and winked, slipping out of her grip, “If you want a turn, take a number, sweetheart.”

He tried to disappear himself in the throes of the party. Easily slicing between people easily with a few bumped shoulders to end the conversation there. It only took a minute before he realised Nancy was doing the same, only a couple steps behind him at any given moment.

The cold air of October slapped him with brutal clarity. It was one thing to be harsh to Steve, who busted into his life and demanded a space there, but Nancy? She’d done nothing but leave him alone.

So, what if she was nosy? Journalistic nature.

Eddie doubted she knew how to switch it off.

He pulled out his nearly empty pack of cigarettes and lit one as Nancy joined him outside. Her presence was quiet, but not unnoticeable. The peplum of her white shirt lifted in the wind and Eddie briefly wondered if she was cold.

“How are you getting home?” She asked him after a few quiet moments. Instead of answering, Eddie held the pack out with one butt raised in an offer. She shook her head and looked up at him with her arms crossed, “You can’t walk from here. Your place is miles away.”

Eddie shrugged.

There were more than a few people outside. Couples having their way with each other in shrouded corners, a keg stand with a sizeable crowd in the middle that’s jeers pierced into Eddie’s skull. He noticed one or two skittish teens shoot him looks.

It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, being watched. He had a feeling this time it had a lot less to do with his appearance and a lot more to do with the former Queen of Hawkins High standing at his side like they were friends.

“I drove,” Eddie answered eventually when it became clear the girl wasn’t going anywhere without one, “The back is beckoning me like a siren’s call, Wheeler. Don’t you worry.”

Nancy sighed, “It’s mid-October. You can’t sleep in a metal van, you’ll freeze. If you get frostbite, then you won’t be able to play guitar anymore with your black fingers.”

Eddie didn’t bother telling her that he hadn’t played guitar in 5 months. He’d even completely abandoned the other members of Corroded Coffin, blanking their calls and their knocks on his door until they gave up over the summer and left him to his own devices. It was useless to say, unimportant to know, so Eddie just didn’t say anything.

“I’ll be fine.” Eddie insisted, at the same time as someone else joining them on the decking just outside the door.

“There you are.” Jonathan pressed a hand into Nancy’s lower back, glancing at Eddie with vague confusion before turning his full attention to his girlfriend.

Barf.

Since her focus was being pulled elsewhere, Eddie took the shining light of opportunity that had been shone on him. He stumbled down the decking steps.

“Wait!” Wheeler shouted down to him. He groaned and kept walking, puffing on smoke to stop himself from saying or doing something hurtful he couldn’t take back.

A hand pulled him back and Eddie froze. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, the curl of anger in his gut too much to risk even blinking.

“You’re staying with us tonight, back at the Wheeler’s.” It was Jonathan speaking, Jonathan holding him, and Eddie gritted his teeth.

“What is it with you people?” Eddie ripped his arm away from the man, looked between him and his girlfriend, his chest heaving with effort, “Giving orders. Never asking permission. What is it? Tell me.”

Jonathan held out two placating hands, palms facing Eddie like he was a cornered animal baring his teeth, “We just want to make sure you’re safe. The Wheeler basement is pretty comfortable.”

“I have blankets.” Eddie argued weakly. The thought of sleeping in his van wasn’t a good one, wasn’t something he was looking forward to, but it was his. His decision. His mistake. His.

“So do we.” Nancy argued. She stepped in front of Jonathan and stared Eddie down with a ‘no nonsense’ look that had him think wildly for a second that she’d make a terrifying mom, or CEO, “Listen, it’s your choice. We’re not going to drag you kicking and screaming into my house. But-” she deflated slightly, her eyes softening and her arms uncrossing- “it doesn’t make sense to not, right? A couch or a metal floor?”

She was giving him an out. A way to have it be a logical decision rather than accepting help from friends when he was clearly half out of his mind and on the edge of making the first bad decision that offered itself up to him.

He considered it. They were both staring at him expectantly, Jonathan leaning more towards ‘I’ll drag you there myself’ and Nancy towards ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed’.

“Fine.” Eddie conceded. He crushed his burnt out cig under the toe of his boot.

“Great,” Nancy clapped her hands together like a teacher getting control of her class, “Well, it’s only-” she checked her thick banded watch- “11pm. What do you say we stay a little longer then head out?”

“Sure.” Jonathan nodded with a small smile. He started back towards the house and waved a hand over his shoulder for them to follow.

Nancy dropped back to walk by his side, and linked their arms together. She tipped her head up and smiled at him, in that sweet doe-eyed way that only she could pull off.

“Have you ever done body shots?”

Eddie laughed, completely caught off guard, “Yeah, Wheeler, I’ve done body shots before.”

“Well, they were setting up for them in the kitchen when we were walking out-” when I was running away, you mean- “so we can either watch everyone lick each other, or do some ourselves.”

“Nancy Wheeler-” Eddie held the door open for her and waved his free arm for her to enter, tipped forward in a half-bow so their arms were still linked- “I dare say we should do both.”

Nancy laughed, an unguarded and sweet thing, “Sounds like fun.”

Despite finding a little hilarity in it all, Eddie didn’t end up stripping off to have any shots taken off him. He knew no one really wanted to, and showing the whole room how battered his torso was didn’t seem like the best idea.

He took one from Nancy’s collarbone, wanted to somehow reassure Jonathan that he was very not into it, but the guy didn’t seem bothered. He cheered from the side when Eddie took the lime out of his girl’s mouth.

They laughed together. It was light, freeing, and along with everything in Eddie’s system he was basically giddy by the time they left with the rest of the partygoers.

Davis’ ridiculous three-story house was only a couple blocks from Nancy’s. She, Eddie, and Jonathan made their slow way. Stumbling steps and random bursts of laughter.

“That’s bullshit,” Jonathan threw an arm over Eddie’s shoulders and pulled him close to his side, “We all know California shit is better.”

Eddie grumbled, “Even though I’ve never had California shit, I’ve still gotta vouch for Hawkins, man. Loyalty.”

“Loyalty to this town?” Nancy scoffed. She tripped on the tip of her shoe and caught herself with a gasp, “Of all people, you should-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jonathan dismissed her with a severe look. Well, as severe as he could manage when his eyes were nearly all the way shut, “He can fight for what he wants.”

“Exactly!” Eddie crowed. The sting of the reminder, of Nancy’s flippant words, rang through him so he leapt out of Jonathan’s hold and held one hand in the air, “I say thee! Hawkins! My town, my people, have the finest marin- mariw-” he cleared his throat, concentrated on curling his tongue around the words- “marijuana in the country. Nay! The world.”

Jonathan chuckled, “Oh-ho, bold words, dude. Bold words.”

“True words.” Eddie grinned. He hopped onto the curb and balanced one foot in front of the other with his arms out to the side.

The lightness in him was liberating. The stars glittered above him. Each one twinkling with a wink, casting Eddie in a white glow that burned through to his bones. It made the shackles around his wrists rattle less. The chains attached to him with invisible weight like Jacob Marley were lifted.

“Oh, shit.”

Eddie whirled at the familiar voice.

Andy was with three other boys, ones Eddie didn’t recognise, and didn’t care to. He was across the road and more people passed around them as he crossed over. The boys followed. Like a pack of animals.

“Oh, I am enjoying my night way too much for this shit.” Eddie should’ve mumbled it under his breath, but instead he broadcasted the comment to the gang of boys. They rumbled amongst themselves like the tail of a rattlesnake.

Andy stepped forward, “Makes sense we only see you at night. The sunlight burn you, freak?”

“A vampire joke,” Eddie huffed a laugh and sauntered to meet the boy in the middle of the road. He leaned into his space and hoped the smell of all the shots he’d had made the guy’s nose burn, “Maybe you should leave the comedy to me, huh? Save more room in that thick skull of yours for-” Eddie stuck his tongue out and put on a high voice- “basketball moves.”

“You gonna try get a hit in this time?” Andy grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, the angry spark in his eyes darkening when Eddie just smiled at him.

“You going to actually finish the job?”

The sight of Andy reeling back, of his cronies poised for a fight, made the hairs on the back of Eddie’s neck stand up. The night air warmed. Eddie closed his eyes.

“Back off!” Jonathan suddenly pushed them apart with rough hands. Eddie’s heel caught as he stumbled backwards, and he spun his arms to keep upright.

He watched Jonathan shove Andy again, so hard he fell into the other boys. They caught him and tossed him back up like something out of a bad movie. The thought of this turning into a dance battle made Eddie snicker.

“That’s enough,” Jonathan’s back was to Eddie, but he could imagine the defiant look on his face, “Go home. You’re not fighting in the middle of a residential street.”

“You okay?” Nancy appeared in front of him, blocking his body with hers and placing her hand on his shoulder. Even with her permed hair, Eddie could see over it, could watch the gang he was probably going to be battered by all glance at each other.

“Fine, Wheeler,” Eddie brushed off her hand and skipped to Jonathan, “You boys run along now! Don’t want the neighbours calling your mommies.”

Andy lunged but was stopped by Jonathan’s hand on his chest, and Eddie reeled back to avoid him with a wide smile.

“Uh-oh, someone missed his anger management classes. Count to ten with me-” obnoxiously, and holding both hands up to put on finger down at a time, Eddie started counting- “One, two, three-”

“Eddie!” Nancy pulled him back by his shoulders and forcibly sat him down on the curb. He was easy to move, loose and still off balance from the booze. Didn’t mean he was happy about it.

“Princess Wheeler!” He tipped his head back to look at her, “To my rescue. Oh, how thee remind me of Steve Harrington. Mighty, brave, killer jawline.”

The muttered words between Jonathan and Andy could be heard from where he sat, Nancy plopping herself by his side, but he didn’t bother trying to make them out. He lit a cigarette instead. Offered one to Nancy again. She shook her head.

“That was stupid.” Jonathan commented when he’d managed to, miraculously, convince Andy and the Backstreet Boys that fighting in front of houses full of rich, nosy people wasn’t a good idea. He had his hands on his hips. Another reminder of fucking Harrington.

“I am stupid,” Eddie blew smoke above his head and watched it dissipate into the night air, “No one asked for your rescue.”

He vaguely registered Nancy and Jonathan sharing a look. It was a knowing look. One that made his skin crawl. Ducking his head, Eddie took another drag and closed his eyes. From pure elation to adrenaline and anger, back down to nothing, left him dizzy and tired.

“We don’t need asking.” It was Nancy who said it, pressing their shoulders together. He wanted to cry from the contact.

The fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been touched without some ulterior motive, just for the sake of touch, probably said something about Eddie’s life.

He was too drunk to analyse that.

Instead, he looked up at Jonathan, then to Nancy at his side. They had matching sincere looks, concerned eyes, and Eddie couldn’t stand it.

“What are we waiting for?” He hopped to his feet, “Sleep awaits us, Sir Jonathan the Mighty, and Princess Nancy the Valiant. Onward!”

*

Eddie awoke to a quiet voice on the other side of the room.

“Don’t worry too much- yes, he’s okay-” Nancy murmured, soothing and reassuring- “I know. I told you nothing happened, and we’re all fine- of course- you asked me to call if anything- Steve, trust me. Just go work your shift. I’m sure Robin won’t appreciate you being late.”

Eddie didn’t bother opening his eyes, but felt his heart quicken with the knowledge that it was Steve that Nancy was speaking to on the phone.

“Okay, I’ll see you later. Jonathan is looking forward to it- yes, I know- I’ll call if anything- goodbye, Steve.”

The phone clicked in the receiver.

Eddie feigned a yawn and stretched his arms over his head. He groaned when the movement made his head pound. God, he’d drunk more than he intended last night. Probably less than intended, actually. He didn’t end up unconscious or vomiting, after all.

“Good morning.” Nancy greeted him pleasantly when he opened his eyes. He sat up and tried for a smile, grimaced when his head continued to throb. His stomach rolled.

“Mornin’,” He nodded at her.

She picked up a mug from the table and brought it to him, sitting on the edge of the couch. Feeling at least a little considerate, Eddie shifted his legs so she could shuffle back slightly to get a proper seat. She handed him the steaming mug.

“I didn’t know how you take it.”

Eddie took a hesitant sip, “Coffee is coffee, Wheeler. Thanks.”

“Of course,” She nodded at him, watched him thoughtfully as he continued to gently sip at the drink. The warmth seeped into his palms as he wrapped his hands around it, “I’m not going to ask.”

“Ask what?” Eddie blinked innocently. Acting dumb was easy, reliable, but he saw how it made Nancy’s hackles rise slightly.

She smoothed her hands over her jeans. Somehow already dressed, that was Nancy Wheeler. It was difficult to imagine her not put together. Eddie was sure it had to happen sometime. He just wasn’t sure if he’d ever be deemed worthy to witness it.

“I just wanted you to know, that people help,” Nancy said quietly. She stared at the table as she did so, and Eddie bent his legs up so he could rest his forearms on his knees, still sapping at the heat of his coffee, “We’ve all been through something different. None of us can compare our- our stuff, because it’s not the same. For any of us. But-” she met Eddie’s eye with a steely gaze, confident and unwavering- “no one could understand what you’re going through more than us.”

“Nance-” Eddie ducked his head, but she powered through his protest.

“Isolating yourself will only remind you how horrible everything you’ve seen is,” Nancy moved her hand, placed it on the plaid blanket next to Eddie’s hip, “You don’t have to talk to us. What’s in your mind is your own, and I’d never blame you for that.”

“Thank you.” Eddie choked out. He blinked rapidly to stop the wetness in the corner of his eyes from turning into full tears. The girl knew when to strike, when he was tired and half unaware, so he didn’t have it in him to think of something witty or scathing to say.

He gave into the offer and put his hand on top of hers. Not holding it, not clasping it, but letting her know that he was listening.

“Just be around us, okay?” She smiled at him, small and sad, her eyes glistening, “Existing around others who’ve been through the same thing you have can feel like therapy sometimes. I should know.”

Of course, she should know. The girl in front of him had been in it from the beginning, and Eddie suddenly felt inadequate under her gaze, falling apart over one run-in when she’d been through it all.

He took his hand back and clasped the mug so hard his knuckles went white.

“You don’t have to say anything eloquent right now,” Nancy offered him, rising to her feet, “Just say you’ve heard me.”

“I hear you.” Eddie said to her. He stared into his milky coffee instead of meeting her eyes. There was a tremor in his chest, one he couldn’t identify as good or bad. He decided not to dig into it this time.

“Good.” Nancy straightened a couple comics on the table as if unable to not do something with her hands. She spoke to him over her shoulder as she ascended the stairs, “Jonathan will walk you to your van when you’re ready, in case those assholes from last night are hanging around.”

*

In the case of complete honestly, Eddie hadn’t felt his feet hit the ground again since the talk with Nancy. Or, he guessed, it was more of a situation of being talked at by Nancy.

He went about his business. Bought some beer from the one place that never ID’d him because the owner never believed the shit they said about him, and thought he was funny. He met up with Brad Tucker, sold him some coke and a little weed, made back the beer money and some.

When he finally reached the trailer, Wayne’s car was coupled with a bike. The thought of seeing any of the kids right now put him on edge. He wasn’t sure how many fake smiles he could muster when he was dealing the bitch of all hangovers.

Even though the rumble of his engine will have given him away already, Eddie slammed the door to announce his presence to his uncle and whichever kid had decided to bother him. He bounded up the stairs and swung the door open.

“Hold your applause, it’s just me.”

He froze when he saw who was making small talk with Wayne by the kitchen counter.

“Hey, Eddie,” Robin smiled at him, mug in her hands and a smile on her face that matched his uncle’s. They both nodded at him in odd unison. He nodded back, blindsided.

“Robin here was telling me all about the campaign the kids have planned. I thought you weren’t part of Hellfire anymore?”

“I’m not.”

Robin waved a hand, “Oh, no, he doesn’t know about it yet, Mr. Munson. They’ve been going on about it because Will is finally DM-ing again. It’s all I’ve heard about for the last few weeks. Unbearable, really. I’m close to ripping my hair out.”

It was the first Eddie was hearing of this. He frowned, desperately trying not to feel thoroughly offended and excluded, since he was the one that had separated himself from them all.

“Anyway,” Wayne clearly sensed the odd tension, giving Eddie a look that said he’d be having words later. It was the first time he’d seen him for five days, the bruises in stark clarity in the midday light, “I’ll leave you kids to it.”

“Thank you, Mr. Munson.” Robin grinned at him, “For the tea, and the company while I waited.”

Wayne patted her shoulder, dropping his own mug into the sink before heading to his room. Eddie stepped aside to let him pass.

“Mr. Munson?” Eddie raised his eyebrows at the girl, “Since when did you become a charmer, Buckley?”

Robin shot him a look, “Since I had to wait an hour for you to get home. Do you have any idea how many topics I had to come up with? I ended up talking about D&D- D&D, Eddie! My mouth aches.”

“Next time call.” Eddie scoffed. The beers in his hand seemed to weigh a ton as he passed the girl to put them in the fridge. He carefully separated them one by one from the plastic rings to have something to do other than question- why? Who? What?

“I did call,” Robin tipped the mug back to get the last dregs then started rinsing it out, “About a hundred times. You weren’t home, dingus. What was I supposed to do?”

“Not show up?” Eddie leant his back against the fridge door when he was done, “What do you want, anyway?”

“To hang out.” Robin made a face that said ‘duh’. She propped the mug upside down on the drying rack and looked him up and down, “You need to get in something cosier.”

Eddie looked down at his skinny jeans and tight black t-shirt, “I’m plenty comfy. How about instead of barking orders, you clue me in, huh?”

“We’re going to a drive-in movie in your van. I biked over especially.”

“You can’t drive.”

“I biked for you-” Robin spoke louder to plough through his protest- “so, get some sweats on, maybe even a sweatshirt if you’re feeling frisky, and get ready. We’re going to be late.”

Eddie didn’t move, crossed his arms, “You showed up an hour early for a drive-in movie. That you didn’t formally invite me to. Now, you’re telling me what to wear, that I’m driving, and you’re not even going to tell me what movie it is?”

“No one else would see it with me!” Robin flailed her arms. She put her hands together in a prayer motion, her fingers curled over each other like a beggar, “Please, Eddie. I thought we could listen to some tapes before we left- give me chance to convince you- but it’s Rocky Horror and Steve said it was too weird and he’s hanging out with Jonathan and Nance in a weird threesome so-”

“Threesome?” Eddie squeaked.

“I really want to go see it on the big-big screen and you seem like you’d like it, so-”

“What makes you think I’d like it?”

Eddie wasn’t sure why he was protesting. He loved Rocky Horror, was basically obsessed with it when he first got his hands on the tape. He’d watched it for 10 days straight and paid the late fee with a sheepish smile to the judgemental middle-aged woman behind the counter.

“Because you have the style-” Robin waved a hand over his person, like he was wearing suspenders and a corset rather than an all-black- pretty modest- ensemble- “and you’re open minded and you’re my friend, so- please?”

Eddie narrowed his eyes at her.

“Pretty please?” Robin pressed her lips together, widened her eyes, “With a cherry on top?”

“Fine!” Eddie threw his hands up, “But only if you buy me popcorn, a slushy, and three packs of Nerdz.”

“Three?”

“Three.”

Robin bit her lip, shifting in place as her eyes darted around the room. She huffed a breath and held out a hand, “Deal.”

“Pleasure doing business with you,” Eddie grinned at her as he shook it.

“Go get dressed!” The girl made a shooing motion with her hands, nodding her head in the direction of his bedroom with urgency, “We have a half hour before it starts- go, go!”

Eddie gave her a dramatic wide-eyed look of judgement before heading to his room. He stripped off and got into the first comfy clothes he saw, making sure to grab his wallet from the pocket of his jeans and unhook his van keys from the chain on his belt.

When he wandered back into the main room, Robin looked him up and down and let out a giggle.

“What?” He stuffed the wallet and keys into his pockets.

“Nice sweater.”

Uh-oh.

Eddie realised then that the sweatshirt he’d pulled from his floor was old, grey, and said ‘Hawkins High’ on the front in bold green lettering. Of course Robin would recognise it.

He pushed down the wash of shame and pointed at her, “Four packs of Nerdz.”

Robin squawked, “What? Why?”

“You brought this on yourself.” Eddie responded simply, slamming out of the door so she couldn’t see the blush that had taken over his face. He rubbed his cheeks roughly as he climbed into the driver’s seat and didn’t meet Robin’s eye when she climbed in next to him.

*

The movie was as good as Eddie remembered. He would even argue that it was better. He’d never watched it with a crowd before. There were people shouting stuff at the screen when lines were said, some dressed to the theme and looking fucking amazing. Eddie felt consumed by it.

He and Robin were laid in the back of his van, surrounded by blankets. The doors were wide open, and the speaker provided by the place hung on the door and surrounded them with loud music and theatrical acting.

“This is my favourite song,” Robin whispered to him as Rocky and Janet got close in the lab. He bit his lip to hold in laughter as she started to sing- “I’ve been feeling done in- couldn’t win. I’d only ever kissed befoooore-”

Eddie pitched his voice higher, “You mean she?”

“Uh-huh.”

Robin continued to sing, wiggling in her place completely reclined on the blankets as the characters onscreen felt each other up. The whole performance was flailing and out of tune, despite her proclivity for music, but Eddie lapped up every minute of it with uncontainable laughter and a floaty feeling in his gut.

“God, this film.” Robin let out a large breath, “Right?”

“Right,” Eddie nodded, he filled his mouth with Nerdz and spoke through them, “My favourite has already been, though. Thought I’d save you my singalong.”

“Oh? Which one?”

“Whatever happened to Saturday night?” Eddie held a hand in front of his face like a microphone, “When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright-”

“Good choice, good choice.”

Eddie dipped his head at her, “Thank you, Buckley. I have a refined taste.”

“I believe it,” Robin nodded. She held her palm out and Eddie filled it with Nerdz, both with their eyes still on the screen as Frank froze everyone one-by-one.

Later, when Brad, Janet, and Doctor Scott were crawling in the fog, the aftermath of everything they experienced descending on them, Robin scooted closer to him under the blanket they’d covered themselves with.

“Thank you for coming with me.” She whispered to him, “I know you’ve been- I don’t know- we’ve been worried about you. Steve won’t stop yammering about it,” Eddie wanted to ask about that, but the guilt was still too raw, “but this is important to me, you know? It’s so wacky, and unapologetic, and I guess it makes me feel better about being-” she let out a shaky breath- “different.”

Eddie stared at the side of her face in the dark. Her mouth was pressed into a thin line, eyes wide and glittering with the reflection of the big screen, “I know what you mean.”

“Yeah?” Robin looked at him, really looked, and some silent understanding passed between them.

“Yeah, Robin. I know exactly what you mean,” He basically heard Robin deflate, like a pin had been released from her chest, “When I first saw the Sweet Transvestite sequence?” He whistled lowly, “Changed me as a person, dude. Fundamentally.”

“When Janet rips off that bit of her skirt to tend to Rocky’s wounds-” Robin shook her head with a breathless smile- “I get all fluttery.”

“Fluttery?” Eddie chuckled, “Jesus, Robin, I don’t need to know about your flutters-”

“I was talking about my heart, asshole.” Robin shoved his shoulder with a laugh.

They pressed their backs into the blankets and stared at the panelled ceiling of Eddie’s van, knowing that they’d have to leave this place soon, the safety and comfort of knowing and being known. Eddie’s stomach clenched at the thought.

He blinked away the thrumming sensation that threatened to take over again.

“We should do this again.” Eddie said, swiftly followed by a swell of embarrassment at having admitted to wanting something. At having plans or expectations for his future, for the people around him.

“Hell, yeah.” Robin agreed easily. Just like that, Eddie felt the shame leak out of him and to the floor under the van, sinking into the soil and disappearing entirely, “Maybe make it a monthly thing? I’m too poor for more than that.”

“Monthly,” Eddie nodded, the ceiling blurring and his eyes fogging over, “I can do that, Buckley.”

*

When Eddie got home, having dropped Robin off with a knowledge loaded goodbye and a blue tongue from the amount of candy consumed, he headed straight for the phone. He followed the momentum of feeling safe. He dialled.

The phone rang. He twirled the cord around his finger, closed his eyes against the anxiety that welled up in his chest. The urge to slam the phone down after the third ring and call it a ‘well, I tried’ job was strong, and almost won out before-

“Hello? Harrington’s place.”

Eddie let out a breath, “Steve, hey.”

“Eddie.” Steve sounded surprised, but it was impossible to decipher if it was pleasantly or not. His voice was overly casual when he spoke again, “What’s up?”

“Can I come over?”

Silence down the line. Eddie panicked, opened his mouth to take it back, apologise, promise to flee the country.

“Sure,” Steve answered. Something clattered on the end of the line, “Bring beer. You owe me.”

I owe you so much more than beer.

“’Course, man. I’ll- uh- I’ll see you soon?”

Steve laughed slightly, a bit stilted, “Yeah, see you soon, Munson. Don’t speed.”

“No promises.”

Chapter Text

It wasn’t far from his to Steve’s. It’d probably take 20 minutes max, but he still put his music on blast and smoked out of the window. It made his hair fly behind him. It made him feel lighter.

Keeping the momentum going from feeling so brave and confident when he’d returned home was the only thing keeping his wheels on the road. A vicious curl in his stomach warned him to turn around. Whatever bitterness resided there pulled him back towards the trailer with warnings of you’ll hurt him, and he hates you for what you said.

Eddie fought back by ignoring it. It was useless trying to convince himself otherwise, that the voice was wrong, so he overwhelmed himself with sound to batter it before it could consume him.

“I only know in my world, I hate the light-” Eddie thumped his hands against the wheel- “I speed at night- I speed at night-”

The van’s headlights were weak at best, illuminating a space in front of Eddie just as quickly as he hurtled into it, late enough in the evening that there wouldn’t be any other cars on the road. He wasn’t worried anyway. They’d get out of his way, probably.

A spatter of rain hit the windscreen. Eddie cursed and put on his wipers. He leant forward and tried to see the sky from his place in the drivers’ seat, squinted at the dense black clouds. They were due for a downpour, and it looked like the heavens were opening.

He turned the music up.

“Dark touches send rushed through the brain-” droplets splatted against the windscreen- “black’s whiter, burns brighter than the flame-” the wipers moved at full pelt, but Eddie still couldn’t see completely clearly- “no shadows, just whispers in the wind-” he put his foot down on the accelerator, ignored the way the wheels churned over the water quickly creating a sheet on the road- “no faces, just places to begin. You’ve got some stairs to heaven-”

Eddie blasted the horn in time to the beat, then started rolling the window up with one hand when he realised half his body was getting soaked, rain dampening his hair. He glanced down at the handle when it stuck slightly. Jesus, this always happened.

The van suddenly swerved.

It water-planed and Eddie cursed, pulling the steering wheel with both hands, desperately trying not to hit a tree, or roll, or fuck-shit-shit-fuck-

He yanked the wheel to one side and slammed his breaks on. The van swung to the left and skidded down the road for a few terrifying moments, Eddie’s heart lodged in his throat and eyes screwed shut.

“Please, please, please- holy shit-”

Eddie’s side slammed into the door, his shoulder rebounding off the glass of the window and he let out a pained yelp. The van had to have been skidding for 50 yards before Eddie felt the body jolt and stop.

Rain pelted him through the half open window. The van was diagonal in the road, wind directing the storm in, and Dio still pounding into the night air with stark quality.

The engine roared. Eddie’s chest heaved. He stared at his hands where they were grasping the wheel so hard his knuckles creaked.

“Stupid-” Eddie shook his head, pushing the word through gritted teeth- “stupid, stupid.”

He closed his eyes and tucked his chin into his chest. Still holding the wheel. The music was suddenly too loud, thudding in his head and making his instant stress headache even worse. He smacked at the stereo until it turned off.

Then it was just him and the rain.

With mechanical movements and his heart still racing, Eddie slowly drove the van out of its haphazard park and pulled it to the side of the road.

He climbed out and dropped into a crouch. Completely uncaring of the rain, the lightning, the way his door was still hanging open and the engine was still running, Eddie put his head in his hands and breathed.

“Holy shit.”

He rubbed the hands roughly up and down his face. His heart felt dangerously like it was going to thump out of his chest, and Eddie rubbed the heel of his palm against his ribs to make sure it stayed in there.

For the first time in months, since everything, Eddie was terrified. He didn’t see his life flash before his eyes. He didn’t see all the things he could’ve done, should’ve said. All Eddie saw was blind panic and the startling thought of ‘Oh, God. Not now.’

The rain had already soaked through his jacket. It made the front of Steve’s sweatshirt stick to his chest and the knees of his sweatpants cling. He chewed on his thumbnail as he stared out into the dark woodland around him.

It was a ten-minute drive to Steve’s from here. All the short cuts, the late traffic, and driving at the speed limit, would mean getting there in ten minutes. That was it.

Somehow the thought of getting back in the driver’s seat made Eddie want to throw up. He pulled himself from his stoop and yanked the keys out of the ignition. He slammed the door shut.

There was no way he trusted himself to drive. Not in this weather, not in this brain, and not after nearly throwing himself off the road because he didn’t care enough to pull over so he could close his damn window.

It wasn’t a big deal.

Eddie would walk.

He locked the van and patted the bonnet, “I’ll see you later, asshole.”

Since he was already wet through to the skin everywhere except his back, it didn’t matter that the rain didn’t stop. What was more wet, on top of something already soaked? What difference did it make?

He shakily lit a cigarette when he reached Steve’s street almost a half hour later. The houses were spaced apart like they didn’t dare touch each other, terrified of revealing something to their neighbours, harbouring secrets for themselves and their seclusion.

Eddie puffed quickly before the rain soaked the tobacco enough that it wouldn’t burn. He kept his eyes down and almost laughed at how his sneakers made an awful squelching sound with every step he took.

There was only one light on in Steve’s place. Eddie stood under the streetlight across the road, stared at that orange glow like it’d disappear suddenly, turn off and give him a reason to run away and never reveal whatever side of himself this was.

He flicked the butt of his cig down the drain at his feet.

The light didn’t turn off.

Eddie could picture it, Steve sat at some fancy desk lined with books, twirling a pen in his hand as he wrote in a fucking journal or some shit. It seemed like a Steve thing to do.

Dear Diary,

Today, Munson asked to come over and I said yes because I’m too kind to people who don’t deserve it. I hope he doesn’t show up. Especially not dripping and sad and reeling from a near death experience.

“Come on-” Eddie muttered to himself, crossing the street in large strides- “you said you’d come, and you’re a man of your word, freak or no.”

The steps to the door, despite being less and promising warm space and hopefully dry clothes, were more difficult to take than any others so far. Eddie rang the doorbell.

He wrung out his hair and blinked rapidly as droplets fell into his eyelashes, stomach swirling despite the fact that it was completely empty. God, it’d be embarrassing if he hurled right here on Steve’s doorstep, wouldn’t it?

Don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t throw up-

The door swung open, “Munson-” Steve greeted him with a small smile, then his eyes widened as he took him in- “What the fuck? Did you swim here?”

“Working on my backstroke.” Eddie replied blandly, his stomach easing just at the sight of the other man. He took him in as he was pulled into the hallway with rough hands.

Steve had a threadbare blue t-shirt on, the collar stretched from years of use but still in pristine condition otherwise. He’d swapped his usual jeans for grey cut-off sweats that Eddie would’ve certainly appreciated more if his teeth weren’t chattering so much.

What he did appreciate were Steve’s warm hands, shutting the door behind them both, and gently slipping his jacket off his shoulders as he muttered about carrying an umbrella. He appreciated the deflated swoop of hair from a long day of charming everyone around it. The coif clearly decided it was time to relax when Steve got home, flattening to a level where it covered his forehead slightly.

“God, you’re shivering,” Steve pointed out, like Eddie didn’t already know that. He held in the scathing comment, “Take your shoes off, you’re soaking the place.”

Eddie did as he was told silently.

“Okay, okay-” Steve nodded, looking him up and down with his hands on his hips- “you’re just gonna have to take it all off. I’ll load it in the washer while you shower.”

“Trying to get me naked, Harrington?”

Steve didn’t appreciate the innuendo, but he didn’t glare like he had that night, the saviour-and-the-beaten-freak night.

“When I say strip, you strip. When I say jump, you say ‘how high?’”

Eddie raised his eyebrows, “Damn, Steve.”

He didn’t have the energy for more, even though the statement left a swarm of opportunities for jokes or witty remarks. The jumper stuck to his shoulders when he tried to pull it over his head. Steve helped him yank it up and over.

The man held it away from his body as it dripped on the hardwood. Eddie stepped out of his sweats. He tugged off his socks and threw them on top of the wet black mass that was his trousers, watched Steve pick them up and add them to his ball of clothes held a distance from his torso.

Eddie put his thumb in the waistband of his underwear.

“You can keep those.” Steve stopped him with wide eyes, which he quickly averted.

The methodical motions of taking his clothes off had got Eddie carried away, and he covered the embarrassment of having literally tried to be bare assed at Steve’s front door, “Afraid you’ll feel inferior, Harrington?”

“Not even going to dignify that with a response,” Steve feigned annoyance, but the smile ticking up the corner of his mouth made Eddie feel slightly better, “First door on the right at the top of the stairs. Towels under the sink. Wash off the storm.”

“Yessir,” Eddie saluted. He felt like crossing his arms over his torso, hiding the bruises that were nearly completely faded, but resisted for the sake of bravado.

“Tea-” Steve said suddenly, nodding to himself and marching down the corridor- “I’ll make you tea, and you can warm up. Make sure the shower isn’t too hot or you’ll pass out, and-”

Eddie chuckled, interrupting Steve’s mama-rant, “I got it, Steve. But, if I pass out in your shower, I’m sure you’ll rush in and save me.”

He received a look over Steve’s shoulder, eyebrows raised and unimpressed.

Eddie found the bathroom and turned the dial so the shower was piping hot. His boxers hit the floor with a wet plap.

“Sexy.” Eddie muttered to himself.

He dropped the smile he’d been wearing for Steve’s sake and stepped into the spray, ducking his head, and resting his hands on the shower wall.

The water turned hot after a minute.

It hit the back of his neck with a satisfying burn that had him letting out a heavy breath. The air punched out of his chest.

After letting himself float back into his body, awareness seeping in and the adrenaline falling down the drain with the rainwater and sweat, Eddie used some of Steve’s hair products. He ran the conditioner through with gentle fingers, unknotting it and inhaling the scent of sandalwood.

The room filled with steam. Eddie did his usual ritual- at least the one he’d had for the last few days- and pressed his fingertips into each bruise as he washed his body. They caused nearly no pain anymore. He knew where they were by heart.

The ones on his face still held strong colour. It’d been a week, so that wasn’t surprising. The split in his lip and cheek were basically gone. The pain there had disappeared too. He tipped his head back as the conditioner washed out and tried not to think too hard about how he’d miss them when they were gone.

Once he was out and dry, Eddie wrapped the white fluffy towel around his waist and wandered out to the corridor. He nearly tripped on a pile by the door.

Steve had left a pair of blue sweatpants and a matching hoodie. He’d also put a pair of fluffy socks on top. Eddie’s heart warmed. He crouched to pick the grey socks up and rubbed his thumb over the material, a mortifying stuttered breath escaping him at how considerate it was, how Steve didn’t want his feet to be cold.

How Eddie hadn’t even apologised. He’d called Steve suffocating, told him to leave him alone, that he was using Eddie as a project, but here he was- leaving comfy clothes outside of the bathroom door.

The shoulders of the hoodie were already damp from his hair by the time Eddie descended the stairs. He curled his toes inside the socks and skated slightly towards the kitchen, letting himself find a little joy in the fact that he could slip on the surface of the floor like he was roller-skating.

“Hey.”

Eddie skidded to a stop in front of the dining room table, set aside from the open-plan kitchen. The sight was a little comedic, Steve sat there with two steaming mugs and the overhead light muting the colour in his cheeks. It gave the energy of a mom waiting for her wayward teen to return home.

‘Now, where have you been so late?’

Eddie bit his lip, “Hey. Thanks for the- uh- clothes.”

Steve gave him an appraising look. His eyes warmed, and he ducked his head to look at the table.

Clenching his fists, holding his tongue when his throat burned from the urge to be a complete dick, Eddie sat down at the seat by Steve. The man was at the head of the table. It seemed fitting, to sit at his right and therefore be lower than him, inferior, lesser.

Eddie decided it would be better to just rip it off like a band-aid, “I walked into that alley,” He saw Steve’s head shoot up to look at him, so stared into the mug he’d pulled closer to himself and wrapped his sleeve covered hands around, “I was restless, angry- I don’t know- and I heard Andy and Chance fucking around. I’d just been at a deal, tried to entertain myself by scaring the kid-” he waved a hand like Steve was going to comment- “dick move, I know. I just- something in my brain switched off. It has been for a while.

“I haven’t been scared. I haven’t been anything. It’s like someone’s been holding their hands over my eyes, fingers parted enough for me to put one foot in front of the other but covering so much that I may as well have been asleep since we killed Vecna. I guess I just wanted to feel something,” He twisted one of his rings around with his thumb, “Pain is a pretty reliable feeling. Doesn’t matter what emotion you have, or where you are, who you are- pain is real.

“And I’m sorry. I guess emotional pain counts and- and you happened to call when I wanted to hurt something. You were trying to help. You didn’t deserve that.”

You don’t deserve me.

Eddie glanced up at the other man. He held his breath, ready to be told to leave, that he was weird, and wrong, and fucked up. Instead, Steve slid his hand over the table and held his palm up.

A little confused, Eddie put his left in it. Steve curled his fingers in a gentle hold.

“Since then?” He asked, eyes wide with concern, but not pity. God, Eddie was grateful there wasn’t any pity.

“It wasn’t so bad, at first.” Eddie stared at their hands, his heart thudding dully and his tea shaking along with his other hand, “Over the summer, it was pretty easy to throw myself into shit, you know?” He ran his thumb over the back of Steve’s hand, unable to resist feeling if the skin was as soft there as he’d imagined. It was, “Sure, there was stuff I couldn’t do, like- like things I used to care about. It didn’t seem important anymore, too dull and compared to what we’d been through, the shit we had to do- who cares about D&D? Or playing in a dumb band at The Hideout?”

“You do, Eddie.” Steve leaned forward, “That’s what your whole life is about.”

“It isn’t.” Eddie said firmly. He pulled his hand from Steve’s grasp, picking his mug up so it seemed like it was just so he could drink with both hands, “Shit like that is so- so pointless. I’ve been trying to find something else, anything, that’d make me feel- feel fucking alive or something. Shit, I don’t know.”

The light was too bright. Eddie sunk into his seat and held his mug against his bottom lip, staring at the swirls of the wood in front of him, trying to find faces in it. They were screaming. It seemed fitting.

“I did have my car that night,” Steve spoke into the swelling silence. He was shifting his mug by the handle when Eddie looked at him, watching it move back and forth with a soft frown, “My house seems so big, sometimes. Empty. I can’t fill it enough and on nights like that-” he cleared his throat- “bad nights, I guess, it sucks. So, I went for a drive. Sometimes I find whatever junkyard is enroute and smash shit with my bat.”

“Why’d you lie?”

Steve smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes, “I pulled up opposite your van. Thought I’d wait there for you, bother you a bit. Like I said, I’d been worrying out you,” He dropped his gaze back to his fidgeting fingers, “Then I heard you laugh. You were getting beaten up, and the reason I knew it was you was because you laughed.”

“It was funny.” Eddie shrugged, “Sue me.”

“I will,” Steve promised. He kicked Eddie’s foot under the table and continued, “Grabbed my bat, came over, and I knew- I don’t know why- but I knew that you wouldn’t follow me home if I asked you to. I knew you’d run off, disappear, lick your wounds and act like nothing had ever happened.”

Eddie shrunk under the weight of being seen. He sipped his tea, let the burn soothe his throat, willed himself to listen and not beg Steve to shut up and let him go to sleep, let him disappear.

“So, I lied,” Steve shrugged, offered him a smug smile, “I told you I walked, and you were so far gone that you didn’t even notice my car right across the street.”

“I was concussed.” Eddie defended.

“No, you weren’t,” Steve breathed a laugh, “You were in a headspace I didn’t trust-” he must’ve seen the shame on Eddie’s face, because he clarified- “not with me, with yourself. Proved I was right when you walked right past it and stared into space until we got back here.”

Eddie blew out a breath, “Called out by Steve Harrington. Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Had to happen eventually.”

“Maybe.” Eddie dipped his head in acknowledgement. His chest had stopped constricting, and something about the calmness, the mutual admissions of being a little screwed up in the head, made him deflate. He swilled the last dregs of his tea around his mouth before swallowing it.

Steve stood abruptly, “Come on, I wanna show you something.”

Eddie welcomed the segue, “Lead the way.”

It was irresistible to slide on the floor again. Eddie swiped one foot at a time and hurtled past Steve, who hollered at his back and did a running slide to overtake before they reached the bottom of the stairs.

They thundered up the staircase. Eddie pulled on the back of the man’s t-shirt so hard he stumbled and had to catch himself on the banister. With an uproarious laugh, he sped past using his hands for leverage on the stairs a few up for himself.

“Victory!” Eddie crowed with his arms over his head, brought his hands back down to imitate a trumpet by his mouth, blowing raspberries and making an awful tune.

His hands were slapped away by Steve, “When you said, ‘lead the way’, I didn’t think that meant ‘let’s race’.”

Eddie bit his lip and batted his eyelashes, swaying his shoulders, “Expect the unexpected, Stevie.”

“Shut up,” Steve shoved his shoulder with a small laugh and walked over to his bedroom.

It was the first time Eddie had seen it. The walls were basically bare, aside from one poster of The Thing movie that he suspected was likely a gift from Robin.

Clothes were piled on a desk chair. The desk itself was littered with screwed up pieces of paper and an open notebook. Eddie wandered closer to try see what was written, if his journal idea was right, but Steve caught his attention when he slid open the window.

“Thought you wanted me to warm up?”

“Are you still cold?” Steve was a flurry of movement, grabbing blankets from his wardrobe and rummaging in one of his drawers with the bundle in one hand. He handed Eddie another pair of socks.

“Clue me in, big boy, what’re you showing me?”

Steve thrust the blankets into his arms, “Just trust me.”

It was a high demand in any other context, one that should’ve made Eddie immediately close in on himself and turn it away with a sneer. This time he just nodded.

Steve nodded back.

A weird agreement to a small event, just following Steve to whatever little thing he was thinking of, but it felt weighted. It felt like something else. The warmth in Eddie’s chest that grew whenever he was with the other man. The way the wind sweeping Steve’s hair away from his forehead by the window, making his t-shirt billow, had his face heating up.

Dangerous, Eddie told himself.

Thrilling.

It was still raining. Steve climbed out of his window with a confidence that told Eddie he’d done it a million times before and crouched down for Eddie to pass him the blankets. He held himself close to the wall to the side of the open window so Eddie could climb out after him.

There was a strip of dry roof. Eddie looked above them to see that a balcony on the floor above completely sheltered this stretch of shingles outside Steve’s window.

The blankets got thrown down, two for cushioning, and one to put over themselves. Eddie sat down when Steve did and pulled the other pair of socks on over the first. It constricted the movement of his toes, but he still had a lingering chill from the walk so deemed it a worthy sacrifice.

“I usually smoke out here when my parents are home.” Steve told him quietly. The roof faced the next house, but the only window that anyone could see them from was frosted, and the lights were off anyway.

Eddie leaned forward to see off the edge, “Never afraid of slipping off?”

“That’s why I like it,” Steve shrugged. Eddie leaned back against the wall and gave him a startled look, “Being close to something dangerous without letting it hurt you. Knowing that, if I felt like it, I could just roll right off. But I don’t.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Because look at the view.” Steve gestured in front of them.

Since the houses were set so far apart, around the one in front of them was a flat view of Hawkins. It went on for maybe a mile or two, then sloped down as the hills began.

There was a forest to the left, shrouded in a low mist and darkness that meant the longer you looked at it the less you could see. Streetlights created a cascading dance of amber that trailed as far as the eye could see until they blinked out of existence.

Houses upon houses stretched into the distance and it was comforting to think of how small they were, sat here. Just two people, insignificant compared to the size of the town, the state, the country. Eddie pulled his legs up under the blanket to hug his knees.

“It’s pretty good, I’ll give you that.”

Steve was already looking at him when he peered over his shoulder, “Puts things into perspective, right?”

Eddie nodded, unable to tear his gaze from the man beside him, overtaken with the feeling of being understood.

It was dizzying.

He swallowed around an unnameable feeling. Tapped his fingertips against each ring, back and forth, until Steve looked away from him and back out at the distance.

They sat there for a while. Silence, but a comfortable one, settling over them like fresh snow. It enveloped Eddie in safety.

He started nodding off.

Steve nudged his shoulder gently and suggested they go to bed, that he’d take Eddie back to the trailer park in the morning. It seemed like a mood killer to tell him what had happened. That he’d basically nearly totalled the thing and killed himself.

He just nodded and let the man lead him to the spare room.

*

They aren’t fast enough. Eddie is dying, bleeding, holding his guts in with one hand as Dustin screams and screams- and they aren’t fast enough. They wouldn’t be able to save him anyway.

Eddie is dying.

He’s shaking and crying. The world is caving in around him. Dustin disappears, but his screams- God, his screams are everywhere. They’re in his throat, his head, his stomach, hurtling around the black abyss of unconsciousness blackening his senses.

He’s pleading. He’s begging Eddie to stay. Robin and Nancy’s voices join the warbled cries, desperately piecing him back together but they can’t do it. He’s irreparable. Broken.

Eddie is dying.

“Steve-” Eddie’s voice ripped from his throat, sounding so unlike himself and so scared- “STEVE!”

“Eddie!” Someone was shaking his shoulders. Eddie shot up, shoved the person away, darted from the bed and held his hands in front of him as he cowered in the first corner he could find.

The night light bled into the room. He shook his head, felt tears down his cheeks.

“No, no-” he sobbed. Steve climbed from the bed, must’ve heard his cries through the wall and come to his goddamn rescue again.

Fucking Harrington and his fucking saviour complex.

“It’s okay,” Steve murmured in an attempt to be soothing. He approached Eddie in a crouch, his hands held palm out and his eyes wide. The tremors in Eddie’s own hands made the rest of his arms shake.

“Don’t-” Eddie warned, his lip curled- “don’t come near me, I swear to God.”

Steve still approached. He made shushing sounds, infuriating in his calm, acting like he knew what he was doing, and he knew how to calm Eddie down when he didn’t know anything. Steve couldn’t know him because Eddie didn’t know himself.

He didn’t know where he was, who he was, why he was shaking so badly and why he was so angry about it. Why the room felt like it was closing in, and Steve was still getting closer.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not!” Eddie yelled. He fell forward onto his hands and knees, met Steve halfway and felt a swirl of pride at the fear that leaked into the man’s eyes, “You’re fucking joking, right? This is a joke.”

Steve shook his head, “You’re still dreaming.”

“No, Harrington-” Eddie dragged the words out, tilted his head, “I’m wide awake, buddy. Look at you.”

The man in front of him searched his face, like he’d find some reason there rather than the madness Eddie knew was within himself.

“So calm and collected and lying constantly, but so much better than me. So much better. Fuck-” Eddie clambered to his feet, paced with his hands in his hair- “You’re me. You’re me. You’re just as angry as me, Steve Harrington, so why don’t you admit it?”

“Angry?” Steve rose too, “At you?”

“At everything!” Eddie stormed to him, “You hit shit to get it out, I get hit. You ever think you’re throwing your bat at the wrong shit? That you should do it to someone who deserves it?”

“What are you talking about? Why would you deserve that?”

Steve looked so sincere, so confused, and Eddie couldn’t stand it.

“Hit me,” He said, and Steve shook his head, so Eddie grabbed him by the front of his t-shirt with both hands, delirious, tired, furious, “Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it. You know what they called me, you called me it too, thought it-”

“Eddie-” Steve clasped his hands around Eddie’s wrists.

“Hit me,” Eddie’s eyes stung. He shook Steve with his grasp, “Hit me- just- hit me. Hit me!”

He shook Steve again, the man’s eyes widening further second by second, alighting with fury or worry or fear and Eddie didn’t care. He didn’t care and just kept saying it, pushing Steve back until they were pressed together against the dresser.

“Hit me, Harrington, don’t be a fucking baby- hit me.”

“Eddie, stop-”

Eddie begged. He pleaded. Kept babbling and demanding and shaking.

“Stop it, Eddie- calm down- I’m not gonna-”

“Stop being a coward!” Eddie snarled, his nose pressed against Steve’s and the man stared him down.

“Fucking- just- no!” Steve suddenly shoved him away. He grabbed Eddie by the front of his hoodie and swapped their places, Eddie’s back slamming into the wall and causing whatever shit was on the shelf next to them to fall off.

Steve pressed his forearm over Eddie’s chest to stop him from moving, dislodging his grip that had weakened anyway.

“Hit me-” Eddie mumbled weakly, his eyes drooping and rolling back- “Just- please- please-”

“I’m not going to hit you, Eddie. Come back to me.”

“I just need you to- please, Steve-”

“Breathe, Eddie- c’mon.”

Just as quickly as the emotion had flooded him, Eddie’s blind fury leaked out and he slumped, forehead landing on Steve’s collarbone. They fell together.

Steve wrapped his arms around Eddie’s shoulders and held him as he cried. An ugly, wretched sound that pulled from his chest and his throat. It echoed around the room. A cavernous place filled with too much feeling.

His hands clutched at Steve’s shirt without his permission. He melted into the fingers threading through his hair and the hand rubbing between his shoulder blades.

So consumed by it, so tired and aching from the switch from everything to nothing at all, Eddie barely registered the soothing words being whispered into his hair.

“You’re okay- I’d never hurt you, Eddie- never wanted to- you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met-” the man’s voice was weak, frail, like he was close to crying too- “we’re alright- you’re alright- just breathe, Eddie- we’ll work this out- you need to get more sleep-”

“Can’t.” Eddie mumbled into Steve’s chest. He sniffled, rubbed his face against the material in a mad feat to somehow gain more contact when he was already being held so close.

“Can’t?” Steve’s head moved, like he wanted to look at him, but his hands kept up their movements, “Can’t what?”

“Go back to sleep.”

They were kneeling together on the floor. Eddie shuffled his legs so that their knees were pressed together and resisted the loud voice in his head that said it’d be so much more comfortable if he straddled Steve’s lap.

“Okay,” The man didn’t question it, thank God, “Okay, then just come with me. Lay down with me and see what happens. Can you- can you do that?”

Eddie thought about it, then nodded against Steve.

The walk to the man’s bedroom was slow and stumbling. Eddie was sure he was still half asleep, somehow less awake than he had been straight out of the nightmare. Drained, his mind provided.

Steve led Eddie by his wrist. They climbed in together with a quiet ease that came from the fact that it was the middle of the night and that they were both beyond exhausted.

His tiredness leaked into the mattress. Eddie curled onto his side so he could watch Steve sleep.

It was a silly want, one that he’d be embarrassed of when he woke, but the warm smile the man gave him when their eyes met was worth a lifetime of shame.

Steve was laid on his back. He nudged Eddie’s leg with his pinkie, his hand in the middle of the space between them like an offering, one Eddie couldn’t take, not knowing what he’d done barely a few minutes ago.

“I forgive you.”

It was like the man could read his mind. Eddie’s breath stuttered as if he was going to cry again, and he pinched his mouth shut to stop himself. Too much. Always too much.

“You’re my favourite,” Eddie whispered into the still air between them. He saw Steve blink, take in the comment.

It wasn’t the most eloquent, something that a child would say on a playground, but he meant it. It was the truest thing Eddie had said in months.

Then, like that strip of sunlight at the edge of the trailer park, Steve grinned.

“Your favourite?” He nudged Eddie’s knee again, the corners of his eyes wrinkled with the force of his smile.

“Don’t make me say it again,” Eddie closed his eyes, turned his face into the pillow to hide the blush that Steve likely wouldn’t even see in the darkness.

“What about Dustin?” Steve whispered cheekily. Eddie peeked an eye open to give him a hard look, “Thought he’d be your favourite.”

Eddie closed his eye again, “I take it back.”

“You can’t now.” Steve teased, his smile still audible, and voice immeasurably pleased.

“Just did.”

“Nah, I’m your favourite-”

“Dropping down the list faster than I can keep up, Harrington.”

Steve laughed, louder than was entirely appropriate for the mood, the one Eddie couldn’t shift, “I’ll work my way back up in no time.”

“We’ll see.”

“Yeah, we will.”

It was impossible not to open his eyes to see the look that accompanied the words laced with fondness. Steve’s eyes were glittering, like he’d stolen the stars right from the sky and dropped them into his irises.

Eddie nearly gasped at it. Fuck the view out of the window behind him.

Steve rubbed his knuckles over Eddie’s knee, the sensation tingling and warm through the comforter.

It was easy to offer him a small smile in return.

The idea of watching Steve sleep wasn’t enough to keep him awake, and Eddie drifted off without noticing it, swaddled in the comfort of the man’s presence.

Chapter Text

The knocking on the trailer door melted from Eddie’s dream into reality. It’d been a pleasant one, for once, but the memory of it faded as consciousness grasped him in its strong hands. He rolled onto his side and pulled his comforter into his chest.

If he ignored them for long enough, they’d go away.

The knocking started again.

Blissful sleep. That’s what Eddie wanted. It was what he needed. He chased it with his eyes clenched shut, his teeth gritted as the knocking continued. The force of it shook the whole trailer.

“Eddie, c’mon!” Dustin fucking Henderson, shouted through the thin walls.

“We told you it was today, man!” Mike piped up, the knocking migrating across the wall to go directly on his window. Eddie shot his eyes open to glare at the thin blind separating him from the hoard of children that were outside.

They did tell him it was today. Will’s campaign. The start of a potentially weeks long journey for their party, with a new character sheet created for Eddie that he hadn’t bothered asking for details of.

It was a passive agreement. He’d been caught by Henderson on the phone, talked at for half an hour until he begrudgingly said he’d be there, that he’d give them a ride, that they could come over when it was time, and they’d go together back to the Wheeler’s.

Why Mike was here too when he lived where they were headed was a fucking mystery to him. Those fuckers did nearly nothing that made sense.

Power in numbers, Eddie thought. They probably knew he’d try to get out of it and decided the more of them there were the harder it’d be for him to refuse. He should’ve known that ducking out of enough shit since the summer would lead him to this. Being surrounded.

“Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!” Several voices chanted, with several fists also banging against the metal. He groaned into his pillow.

Leaping from bed, Eddie yanked his blind up and pushed the window open fast enough that he saw Mike and Will lean back to avoid being hit in the face. Good.

“You are going to wake up the whole fucking trailer park.”

“Wake up?” Mike scoffed, lip curled in the derisive way that only a 15-year-old with an attitude problem would dare direct at him, “It’s noon, dude. Everyone’s already awake.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes at him, “Screw you. Go home.”

He tried to slam the window shut again and go back to his nest of shit and wallow, but Lucas caught it with a hand and widened his eyes at him.

“We need you, Eddie. The party all has roles and Will says it won’t work without all of us.”

Will nodded emphatically.

“Plus, we all biked here,” Dustin had a glitter in his eye, one that told Eddie he was more hesitant than the rest of them, that he was scared Eddie would stick to his answer, “We’re tired. You’re our ride to the Wheeler’s.”

“The Wheeler’s,” Eddie repeated blandly, “You mean this kid, right here? The one who also came here?”

They all shared looks. Eddie closed his eyes. God, he was too tired for this. He’d spent the last few days delightfully alone and now they wanted him to speak to several people, do math, and try tp enjoy something that hadn’t felt right since returning to the real world.

He opened his mouth to argue when his bedroom door swung open.

“Get dressed.” Erica, who had broken into the trailer, said to him. She crossed her arms.

“Am I supposed to be scared of you?” Eddie chuckled, “How did you even get in here, kid?”

Erica shrugged, “Skills. I repeat, get dressed.”

Eddie debated it.

The kids wouldn’t leave, he knew that for sure. He could stamp his feet, argue, refuse until he was blue in the face, but then the twerps would probably set up camp in the main room and play there instead.

Eddie had seen the backpack Will was wearing. It was probably plan B.

“Wheeler,” Eddie admitted defeat, turning back to the group outside his window, “Why aren’t you wearing your shirt?”

Mike’s eyes dropped to his feet, “Will didn’t have one. I thought- you know- since he couldn’t be here at the beginning of last year-”

The boy trailed off. Interesting.

Eddie slid his eyes to the Byers kid, took in the fact that the Hellfire shirt he was wearing was slightly baggy around his shoulders and chest. He smirked.

“Well, that just won’t do.” He crawled over his bed and hopped to the other side, opening the drawer in his chest that had all his spares in. He grabbed one that hadn’t been worn and threw it on top of his comforter.

Then, “Avert your eyes, child.”

Erica turned around after giving him an extremely unimpressed eyeroll.

He stripped out of his sleep clothes and pulled on his own shirt, then his ol’ reliable jeans. As he was buckling his belt, the girl turned back and grabbed the other shirt he’d put on the bed.

“Here-” she walked to the window and threw it out- “welcome to the club, dweeb.”

Eddie smiled to himself. God, these kids were a tonic. It was easy to forget yourself around them, and he briefly questioned why he started avoiding them in the first place. He shut down that thought process before it could start. Dark places lurked there.

He followed Erica out of the porch door she’d broken in by and locked it behind him. He noticed the kids didn’t have their bikes around them.

“You said you biked.”

“We did,” Will waved a hand at his van, “It wasn’t locked, we’ve already loaded up.”

Well, shit. Thank God no one decided the take a look inside his van and steal- well- the only thing worth anything in there overnight was probably the stereo. He checked for it when he clambered in along with the kids.

Still there, phew.

He listened absently to the conversation going on around him as they drove over to Wheeler’s. Erica had nabbed shotgun. She shouted her responses to the rest of them through the gap between the seats.

Mike, Dustin, and Lucas were absorbed in a debate about their characters, how their alignments would help them get through what Will had planned. They theorised things they guessed were going to be in the campaign.

Will was talking to Erica, but Eddie caught his small smiles through the rear-view mirror whenever the boys came up with something particularly outrageous.

“How many caves?” Eddie joined in, turning briefly to give them all an odd look, “How obsessed do you think Byers is with caves?”

“Tunnels too.” Lucas offered.

Eddie clicked his tongue, “Like, a labyrinth?”

“Yeah!” Mike waved his arms, eyes wide, “He did this one session, right, where there was a light that we followed but it kept disappearing and there were dead ends, and-”

“We ended up in this field-” Dustin interrupted with his usual bluster of confidence- “and the light was like nowhere-”

“We thought it was connected to Harath, this witch we met before we got trapped-” Lucas moved forward on his seat, leaning so he could see Eddie.

The kids all continued talking over each other to explain.

“Will said that she was wearing purple, and the light was purple, and there were purple flowers all over this field-”

“It had to be connected, so we all-”

“Then we got ambushed-”

“Mike nearly died!”

“It turned out it was Harath and we had to use this sword that Lucas found at the top of the session-”

Eddie tried to follow the story, with all its twists and turns, and every question he came up with was usually asked by Erica before he could voice it. By the time they pulled into the driveway, he had an intimate knowledge of the campaign the party had played when they were 12.

He was impressed. If that was what Will could come up with when he was younger, Eddie had high hopes for what they’d be faced with today. He couldn’t wait to see his character sheet.

Once they were in the house, Mike and Will headed upstairs to change into their own shirts, and Karen Wheeler met them before the stairs down to the basement. She smiled at them all.

It was tight when it was directed at Eddie, and he couldn’t blame her.

“I’m heading out with the girls soon, so keep an eye on them for me, okay?”

Eddie wrung his hands. He darted his eyes at the kids, who were looking at him expectantly, like this wasn’t odd at all, him being trusted as a guardian after everything.

“’Course, Mrs Wheeler.” He nodded at her. Better to agree, after all.

It was ironic. She was asking him to keep them in line, out of trouble, when they were the ones doing that for him. He received another smile. It was still tight, a little nervous, but Eddie appreciated the effort.

“Let’s go.” Dustin pulled Eddie by his arm, and he threw a wave over his shoulder at Mike’s mom before being basically tossed down the stairs.

Will set up from out of his backpack. He demanded complete silence for the activity, the rest of them sitting around the table and sharing anticipatory looks. Eddie got handed his new character sheet and went through it with Dustin, trying to communicate without actually talking, which was mostly successful, but also not at all.

It wasn’t like it needed explaining. Eddie knew what he was doing. If anything, he just wanted to find out what the kid was thinking while he created. Like, why a bard? Why such high charisma?

“All you need is a name.” Dustin said to him once Will had sat down and allowed them to speak.

Eddie hummed, “Give me a minute.”

The kids watched him with bated breath. He was struck suddenly by how much he missed this.

Being admired. Being looked to like he was on a pedestal, all-knowing and a creator. He took in a deep breath.

“You can call me-” he searched his mind, stood up, and bowed with one arm folded behind him- “Byron the Baffling.”

Mike nodded enthusiastically, “Baffling because- because you’re a chaotic neutral bard?”

Eddie tapped a finger on the end of his nose, “Bingo.”

“Why Byron?” Lucas asked.

He opened his mouth to answer, sitting back down, but was beaten by Erica, “It comes from the word ‘byre’. A shed for cows.”

Eddie laughed to himself while the others wore matching faces of disgust and disappointment.

“It makes sense,” He shrugged, “Since I’m full of shit.”

“I understand,” Erica nodded seriously. She raised her eyebrows at Will, who’d been watching the whole thing go down with a small smile on his face, “Let’s get this nerd-fest on the road.”

Eddie turned to the boy along with the others. He saw how Will perked up, turning his simple chair into a throne with his head held high and plan hidden behind the propped-up guide.

Eddie leant forward, “Guide us into doom, Will the Wise.”

Over an hour later found them cornered, the village they were passing through swarming with dwarves from the tribe after them. Somehow, they’d made the wrong decisions. Like a cascading trail of dominoes, Eddie could see how they’d been led astray by Will’s clever narration, believing themselves working against the tide but rolling with it instead.

Dustin was on a streak of bad luck with his rolls. He’d already tried to fight the solider closest to them, since the dwarf only had a long spear and in close range it wasn’t exactly a heavy weapon. Eddie grimaced when he got swiped in the leg. That’d slow them down.

His turn came.

“See if there’s anything we can climb on-”

“Throw your guitar at them!”

“Seduce the female one-”

Eddie held up a hand, looked at Will’s smug expression at the head of the table, “Can I lure them both with the same move?”

Will considered him with an assessing gaze, “I’ll allow it, if you roll above a 12. Not counting any modifiers.”

Not good odds. Eddie hadn’t been rolling badly per say, but he wasn’t having much luck either. He was only a bard. He couldn’t do much damage without a high roll and if that wasn’t a fucking travesty.

He nibbled his thumb.

“I-” it would be a lie to say he wasn’t invested, that he wasn’t enjoying himself, but part of him knew that this was a temporary joy. Was he even going to show up to the rest of these sessions? Did he want to? “I’m going to distract them, pull them to the side, so the rest of you can escape.”

“What-” Mike gaped, his brows pulled into a strong frown.

“Are you insane?” Dustin slapped his arm.

“No fucking way.” Lucas leant back in his chair with his arms crossed.

“They’d kill you instantly, idiot.” Erica threw her pencil at his head. He rubbed his ear where it’d hit and glared at them all, their protests pointless and frankly annoying.

“It doesn’t matter-” Eddie waved his hand at the board- “we can’t get out by climbing, and they aren’t going anywhere, so distraction is all we have. I can play them a little tune like the pied piper and be a hero’s sacrifice.” He dipped his head, “Problem solved.”

“Fuck that.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows at Dustin, “Language.”

“I said, fuck. That.” The boy grabbed the die that Eddie had picked up right out of his hand and turned to the others, “We can find another way out of this, right guys?”

“You’re not getting out of this campaign that easy.” Mike kicked his shin under the table, way too fucking hard. It throbbed and he hissed. Kids.

“You could always try resurrect him.” Will offered but was quickly waved away by the rest of them as their attention stayed on Eddie, his apparent ‘fake’ sacrifice having personally offended them. He felt his face warm at the scrutiny.

“Being a hero doesn’t mean dying with no good reason,” Lucas said, “You’re not brave for making a stupid decision, and we could still be captured anyway, and then you’d be dead for nothing. We’d lose and have one less member of our party for the rest of the campaign.”

Erica backed her brother with a firm set to her mouth, “You’re not doing it.”

Eddie sat back in his seat. As much as he hated to think it, they were right. There was no guarantee that him pulling the two soldiers away from the other characters would keep them safe, especially if he did a low roll, even with his charisma points.

“We’re working something out,” Dustin grasped his forearm, “You’re too important to let go of for some stupid distraction.”

Eddie blinked.

It’s just a game, he reminded himself. It’s just a game, just a game, they’re not talking about that day, when you almost- they aren’t talking about everything you’ve done since.

It’s just a game.

“Fine,” Eddie held his hand out for the die, which Dustin handed back to him with a warning look, “What’s the plan, then?”

Over the next hour, he lost himself in the throes of the narrative Will was winding. They managed to get out of the alley, with a combination of Eddie distracting the soldiers by complimenting them, and Mike knocking the fuckers out with lucky rolls.

They liberated the village on hour three.

It was only the first step, having revealed that something larger was at play and the dwarves weren’t just footmen, they were enslaved.

“Entranced-” Erica corrected him with wide eyes- “someone is using magic. Someone powerful.”

“And that, everyone, is where we’ll end it for tonight.”

There were choruses of protests from everyone at Will’s words, thumping on the table and demanding more even though everyone was tired and more than happy to call it a night and head out. It was a school night, after all.

Eddie joined in the chants as the room descended into chaos and uproarious laughter.

“Hey,” He stopped Will from ascending the stairs with the others once he’d put all the equipment away, “Thank you for this. You’re a fucking fantastic DM, Byers.”

The kid flushed, clutching his backpack to his front, “Tha-thank you. I heard a lot about you from Mike, you know. Once this campaign is through, it’d be awesome to see what you can do. If- if you’d like?”

“I’d love.” Eddie answered honestly. He ruffled Will’s hair with a rough hand and a grin, “I heard a lot about you, too, by the way.”

“Yeah?” Will mussed his hair back into place with a sheepish smile.

“Oh, yeah,” Eddie bit his lip, tilting his voice, “Mike never shut up about Will the Wise and your epic storytelling. Kid thinks the sun shines out of your ass.”

Somehow, the already bright red blush deepened. Very interesting.

“Will, c’mon!” Dustin shouted from the top of the stairs, “Steve’s here.”

Steve.

Eddie would deny rushing up the stairs later, especially because he thumped into the doorway on his way out of the basement and skidded on the floor before reaching the front door where the man in question was waiting on the stoop.

The man giving some of the kids a ride wasn’t surprising. If anything, it just cemented the fact that they’d shown up at Eddie’s trailer just to wrangle him rather than for his van. It bloomed warmth in his chest.

“Good game?” Steve asked them all, but his eyes lingered on Eddie a second longer than the rest.

Dustin had already headed past him to get to the car, not before giving Eddie an encouraging and fond smile. Lucas gave Steve a nod and affirmative before he headed down too.

“I killed a man.” Erica said firmly before following.

“God, you kids are giving me grey hairs.” Steve muttered as she passed. He lit up with a smile when Eddie laughed.

“Hey- uh, Will?” Mike shuffled on his feet, and Eddie closed his mouth as he watched him and the Byers kid meet eyes with rapt attention, “My mom said you can stay tonight. She’ll give us both a ride to school in the morning, if you want.”

He shared a look with Steve.

Will nodded quickly, “Yeah, sure. I’d like that.”

“Cool.” Mike grinned.

Eddie let them have their moment and slipped out of the door. It brought him right into Steve’s space. He met the man’s eyes as he gently pulled the door to.

“Well, that’s something.” Steve nodded at where Will and Mike were still talking quietly in the house, and Eddie felt his heart quicken.

“Sure is,” He put his hands in his pockets, “I give it until Halloween.”

“I’d take that bet.”

Eddie laughed, ducked his head, suddenly nervous for no good reason.

“So, did it feel good?”

“What?”

Steve waved a hand, “The game? Fighting dragons, do you still feel- you know?”

“It was good,” Eddie answered honestly. He tapped the front of Steve’s sneaker with his boot, bafflingly eager for some form of contact but unsure how to go about it, “It’s going to be a long one and- and I think I’m actually looking forward to it.”

He met Steve’s grin with a matching smile. The man had the collar of his bomber jacket pulled up against the breeze, the porchlight shining from above and making the golden hue in his skin brighter. Eddie was struck with the fantasy of seeing the man sun kissed, tan, careless in the summer in some tropical setting.

He swept it away with a shake of his head, “Drive safe, will ya?”

“I should be saying that to you.” Steve bumped their shoulders together as they headed down the driveway.

Eddie’s laugh was a little forced, since Steve didn’t actually know about his swerving incident a few nights ago. All he knew was that he’d stopped driving because of the rain. The sudden cautiousness probably seemed out of character, but Steve didn’t ask any questions when Eddie had to be dropped off by the side of the road rather than at his trailer.

“See you later, man.”

“Hey, Eddie, wait-”

Steve pulled him to a stop as he reached for the driver’s door. His fingertips burned through his shirt sleeve, imprinted themselves on Eddie’s skin like a brand. He stared at the contact, then dragged his eyes to the man’s face.

“You’ve got-” Steve brought his free hand to Eddie’s face, and he held his breath as his thumb swiped under his eye. His heart picked up to a dangerous rate- “eyelash.”

He displayed his thumb. Eddie raised an eyebrow, wondered how Steve even noticed that in the dim light they swam in. Why he’d stopped him here instead of pointing it out while they were under the porch.

“Thanks-” too breathless, too intimate- “dude.”

“No problem-” Steve released his arm, a smirk gracing his face. He brushed his thumb over his jeans to get rid of the eyelash- “dude.”

As Eddie climbed into his van and watched Steve peel away before him, gesticulating wildly at Dustin who was laughing with his head thrown back, he contemplated racing forward and crashing into the Wheeler garage.

The image was appealing. Peace, quiet, no Steve Harrington making him question his type up ‘til this point with how wildly unlikely this damn crush was.

He thudded his head against the steering wheel.

“Andy should’ve killed you.” Eddie said to himself, but for once, he didn’t believe the words.

*

On his drive back from a deal, one that had gone smoothly and without Eddie’s brain compelling him to be a complete asshole for once, Eddie detoured to visit Family Video. He pulled up at the side of the street and skipped to the door.

Steve and Robin were basically shouting at each other. It was audible through the windows and Eddie caught the tail end of Steve’s sentence before the bell jingling alerted them to his entrance.

“-good, but it’s made it a million times worse, now.”

“Eddie!” Robin shot up from her slouch on the counter. Her hair bounced and her grin was blinding. It was impossible not to smile back as he sauntered up to her.

“Buckley,” He drawled, leaning on the counter with his elbows and batting his eyes at the girl, “What a sight for sore eyes.”

Robin giggled theatrically, “Flatterer.”

“I thought we weren’t allowed to flirt with customers.” Steve complained from where he was leant against the returns trolley at the end of one of the aisles. His blue polo was tight around his biceps. Eddie tore his eyes way with some effort.

“You flirt with literally every customer that comes in here.” Robin pointed out, matching Eddie’s posture so they were leant together like gossiping girls.

He raised his eyebrows, “What, even the old ladies?”

“They buy more when I’m charming.” Steve shrugged.

The image of the man charming some old woman in a pink cardigan and a paisley bag full of knitting and coins to spend on tapes was one Eddie did not need. He already regretted coming here.

Eddie hopped up onto the counter and crossed his legs, uncaring of if there were any other customers, but he assumed there weren’t since the two had been loudly discussing something when he came in. He assumed there was some decorum with customer service.

He got caught up on the rude customer Robin had dealt with that morning. Apparently, they’d fought with her over a dollar late fee until they were screaming, and she’d eventually got it out of him by threatening a ban. Steve said he wanted to ban him anyway.

Eddie took in the man’s appearance. He hadn’t bothered continuing with whatever job he was doing, still stood there with one arm on the trolley and absorbed in the gossip.

“Woah, hey-” he pointed at him suddenly, having spotted a visible purple mark at the edge of his collar- “what is that?”

Robin started laughing. He crawled forward on the counter and squinted his eyes at Steve’s collarbone while the man shifted awkwardly.

“What’s what?” Steve blinked dumbly, but a flush creeped up his neck. Seeing him embarrassed brought Eddie a joy he couldn’t fully express. He wondered how deep he could make the red in Steve’s cheeks.

He gasped, holding a hand to his chest as he dropped back to sitting, “You whore. You harlot! That is a fucking hickey, Harrington.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The blush reached his cheeks. They lit with colour. He fiddled with the collar of his shirt.

Robin stifled her giggles behind her hand, “So busted.”

She received a hard look from Steve, “Shut up, Robin.”

“Puffy eyes,” Eddie analysed Steve’s posture, his face, the deflated volume of his hair, “Less hair product than usual, super slouchy. Are you a hungover slut, Stevie?”

“Stevie?” Steve scrunched his nose at the same time as Robin guffawing, “Stevie.”

Eddie shook his head in faux disappointment, clutching his knees with both hands as undeserved hurt turned his stomach, “Partying hard on a work night.”

“It was stupid,” Steve shook his head, pushed the trolley back and forth with one hand, staring at it like he was rocking a baby in a stroller, “I was just testing a theory.”

“A theory.” Eddie repeated with narrowed eyes.

“Was it successful?” Robin asked, but the gleeful tone told Eddie she already knew the answer and just enjoyed watching Steve squirm. He tilted his head as the man glared. It was a pretty good sight to see. The girl had the right idea.

“Yes.” Steve pushed out reluctantly, his jaw working.

“Is this a riddle?” Eddie leaned forward, “Am I supposed to be guessing right now? Do you want me to guess what the theory was?”

“No-” Steve warned him, but this was too much fun.

“Did you try bondage with this girl?” Eddie bit his lip when the comment caused Robin to drop into a crouch as she laughed, “She hit you, maybe? Give you a little slap on the ass? Did you like it?”

Steve gaped, “A slap on the ass?”

“A slap on the ass!” Robin squeaked, burying her face in her hands, still laughing.

Now Eddie was enjoying himself, “Biting! Was it biting? Or, maybe you roleplayed as teacher and student. Were you the student?” He clicked his fingers, “No, wait, you let her stick her finger up your-”

“Okay!” Steve put his hands over his ears like a child scared of hearing a swear word, “That is- that is so wildly off, and I need you to stop talking. My God.”

Eddie grinned, “Tell me what it was, and I’ll stop guessing.”

He noticed Robin sober immediately and rise from her crouch to give Steve a wide-eyed and slightly frenzied look. It was odd, to say the least. Eddie was sure it wouldn’t be that bad.

Now he had to know.

“Steve?”

The man’s eyes slid from Eddie to Robin. He moved his eyebrows in a complicated manoeuvre that was clearly meant to communicate something to the girl. She’d stepped back, and since Eddie was sat cross-legged facing Steve, he couldn’t even see her in his peripheral aside from wild gestures.

He turned to look at her and she dropped her arms immediately, gave him a placid smile.

Eyes back on Steve, the man frowned over Eddie’s shoulder and mouthed ‘what?’.

Eddie felt like pointing out that he was still there. It was more entertaining to watch whatever this was, though.

After another minute of gestures and mouthed words and meaningful looks, Steve’s mouth dropped open into an ‘o’, and he looked back at Eddie.

“It, uh-” his gaze dropped to the trolley again. He kicked a wheel of it and crossed his arms- “the person I hooked up with was- it was Ollie Daniels.”

Eddie didn’t understand, “But-” he frowned- “Ollie Daniels is a guy.”

The other two shared an amused look. They both gave him patient looks, but there was a spark of nerves in Steve’s gaze.

“Eddie.”

The weight of the word, just his name, made it click.

“Oh.” He pointed at Steve, “You- you’re- men?”

Steve Harrington: into men.

Steve fucking Harrington had hooked up with a guy. A guy!

Eddie wasn’t breathing. He wasn’t moving. How did blinking happen, again? His body had forgotten. Nothing worked anymore. All Eddie was in that moment was the knowledge that Steve Harrington had received a hickey from a guy.

Oh, God, had he got more than a hickey? Did they have sex? Were they dating?

“Theory, tested,” Steve nodded, his eyes firmly on Eddie now, like his reaction was something he cared about, “Conclusion: boobs are great, but- uh- men are also- yeah, good.” He pushed out a sigh, “Men.”

Words. Words were a thing.

Eddie found some, “Ollie Daniels, though? He uses way too much tongue.”

Those were certainly words. Outing words. Did it matter? Eddie wasn’t sure, he was still consumed with the realisation that Steve wasn’t straight. His head was a constant stream of: He likes dick, he likes dick, he likes dick.

He barely registered Robin’s squeak. She did that a lot. He reached around and patted her back like she was having a coughing fit with his eyes still on Steve, who was staring at him like he had also stopped functioning.

They looked at each other in silence.

“Well,” Robin cut through the tense moment with a slice of her hand through the air, the rings on her fingers glinting and slapping Eddie out of his brain fog, “Looks like we’re all a little gay. This was an informative visit, Eddie.”

“Hang on,” Eddie shook his head, still catching up and not entirely sure he was awake, “Let’s just- let’s headcount,” He pointed at himself, “Gay-” then at Robin- “lesbian-” he pointed at Steve with raised eyebrows.

The man’s mouth opened and closed a few times, “Just- I don’t know- half gay? Maybe 30% gay? Is there a word for that?”

“Bisexual.” Both Eddie and Robin said at the same time.

Steve nodded, “Yeah, that. Like, mostly women but- but men, right?”

“I know what you mean.” Eddie agreed with the sentiment, men, while Robin fake gagged.

“I do not.”

They all took a moment for it to sink in. Simultaneous coming out. Eddie felt like his worldview had tipped. He stared at the rip in his jeans and tried to make what he thought of his life and the people in it mould around the new knowledge.

Okay, maybe he was being dramatic. Maybe the world hadn’t changed that much.

But- Steve.

Bisexual Steve.

Bisexual Steve.

“So, which movie-” Robin procured tapes from under the counter with a flourish, ever the expert at breaking tension and somehow creating it at the same time- “Sixteen Candles, or The Terminator?”

“Very different options.” Eddie commented. He consciously kept his body still as Steve wandered over and leant against the counter by his hip, facing him and causing a whole rush of feeling that was absolutely not appropriate.

“We’ve seen both of those a million times.”

Eddie hummed, an idea forming that made him look at Steve with a mischievous grin, “Maybe we should indoctrinate you, Stevie.”

“Stevie again?” He met Eddie’s eye with a judging look, brows dropped and creating a crease between them that was easy to spot when his face was less than a foot away.

“Oh,” Robin clearly caught on to his thought process, perking up and rushing to the back of the store, “We are absolutely corrupting you, Stevie!”

“Not you too!” Steve yelled after her. She rushed back a moment later, one that Eddie spent staring at the side of the man’s face and thinking about how easy it’d be to move the hair touching his cheek behind his ear.

“My child,” Eddie patted the top of Steve’s head so at least he got hands on that hair, “My baby bisexual, sapling queer-”

“Hatchling freak-” Robin added.

“This will change you.”

Steve looked between them both, fear building in his eyes, “Change me?”

With her lip between her teeth, Robin dropped the tape she’d found on the counter.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show stared up at them.

Sure, they’d have to turn it off every time a customer came in, and it was a weird film that might not appeal to Steve, but Eddie felt that lurch of belonging again.

Knowing, being known, the trust that these two people had in him that he also had in them. Another nail in the coffin of Eddie’s certainty that he didn’t want to be here.

Whenever Eddie felt down, he had a new mantra.

Steve Harrington is into men.

Chapter Text

Sleep evaded Eddie. He’d tossed, turned, counted sheep, thought happy thoughts, smoked, had a beer, and now the sun was rising as he sat in his usual spot, on top of the trailer. Blankets were strewn about him in a final attempt.

It wouldn’t have been ideal, falling asleep outside under the October moon with no pillow and a rough plaid throw to keep him warm. At least it would’ve been rest.

He’d donned the sweater again. It kept him comforted, if not warm, since it still smelt vaguely of Steve’s laundry detergent after being given to him again the morning after the storm.

The smell had faded. A week or so had passed, Halloween was just around the corner, Eddie’s bruises had disappeared entirely, and he’d seen Steve so often that he was beginning to wonder if the man was another addiction.

They’d gone for a couple drives. Music blasting, smoke throwing itself out of the open windows. Steve had invited him round for a movie night, suggesting any and all queer cinema, piles of tapes borrowed from the store on the counter.

It was sweet. He wanted to throw himself headfirst into the culture, the positive parts of it anyway, and Eddie was more than happy to be a guiding hand.

He’d guide Steve in other ways to do with being queer if he asked, but he didn’t. Eddie didn’t blame him.

Days would pass where Eddie was convinced that he was better. He’d be so busy, distracted by another session of Will’s campaign; Dustin turning up and demanding they have dinner together; Wayne sitting him down and giving him a talk about opening up and being there to help.

Someone turned up to his trailer or called him out somewhere nearly every day. The Monday just passed was the first day of Halloween break, so he’d been basically stalked by everyone wanting to hang out. Individually, in groups, in odd pairings- Max and Mike- so Eddie forgot.

He forgot he was broken.

Then nights like these came.

Eddie’s eyes stung but he didn’t cry. His heart clenched but no panic attack came. The restlessness and vibration in his bones was insatiable and uncontrollable. It took every ounce of willpower in him not to go and do something stupid like drive into a wall or jump off a bridge just to stop it.

So, he sat here. He smoked. He didn’t sleep and couldn’t remember the last time he ate. It could’ve been that afternoon. It was more likely the day before, going by the hunger pains turning his stomach.

Stars were still visible.

Eddie laid down on his back- on top of the blanket that provided nearly no cushioning- and stared at them. They winked. That could’ve been sleep deprivation and weed pulling his imagination, though, rather than some cosmic phenomena.

Something clanged against the side of the trailer.

It should’ve concerned him, Jason finally turning up to finish what his friends started maybe, but Eddie stayed where he was. He tested how long he could keep his eyes open. Maybe if he did it for long enough it’d finally force a tear out.

“Shit.”

That was not Jason.

Eddie lifted his head to see red hair emerge up the side of the trailer by his socked feet. Max pulled herself up while muttering under her breath. He watched without moving.

“Thanks for your help.” The girl brushed her brown jacket off with a huff, pulling her hair into a low bun that Eddie felt like pointing out probably would’ve been an idea to do before strafing his home.

He dropped his head back down, “You’re welcome.”

Max dropped herself by his shoulders. She pulled her knees up to her chest and tipped her head back to follow his gaze.

“I like them at this time,” She said, and Eddie couldn’t find it in himself to reply. It didn’t matter, “There’s sort of an orange cast over everything, and this lighter blue leaking into the sky. It reminds me of an oil painting. Like something Van Gogh would paint.”

Eddie considered it, tried to take in the view in a new light, “Like ‘The Starry Night’.”

“Exactly.”

It would’ve made sense to ask her what she was doing up here. It’d make sense to talk to her at all, rather than lie there with his hands clasped over his chest and a vice around his heart that wouldn’t let anything meaningful escape him.

“I don’t want to-” Max started, then sighed, resting her chin on her knees- “this isn’t me cornering you, or trying to get you to talk to me, but I guess- I want to tell you I understand.”

Eddie dragged his eyes away from the quickly brightening sky. He stared at the side of the girl’s face, at her pale cheeks and the hair that drooped past her cheekbone and brushed her mouth. She pushed it away with a hand.

“I know what it’s like to feel like you’re missing something, like a part of you was lost somewhere, and you don’t know how to-” she huffed, pulled at her shoelaces without undoing them with one hand- “it feels like- like this thing happened, and the world kept moving, but you’re stuck there. You’re the person you were then and every moment after it seems borrowed, or like an echo.”

Max’s knowing gaze fell on Eddie. He pressed his lips together.

She gave him a weak smile, “I still feel like that, sometimes. It’s less. I-” she turned away again, directing her attention back to her shoes- “I’ve worked hard to make it less. Everyone has helped me, but- but it’s mainly me. If I didn’t want to keep moving, then nothing anyone did could’ve pulled me out of my own head.”

“Red-”

Max shot him a hard look, “Just let me get this out. I’ve planned it, and-” she rolled her eyes- “just listen. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you. I don’t know who beat you up, or why your knuckles weren’t bruised like you fought back-” observant kid- “I don’t know if this is just a- like a trauma thing, or a you thing that’s gotten worse. All I know is that when I look at you-” her breath quickened, and Eddie pushed himself to sitting by his elbows so that he could press their shoulders together. The girl let out a deep sigh- “when I see that look in your eye, like you’re watching everyone from a distance when they’re right in front of you, it- it scares me. I don’t want you to lose yourself,” She seemed to brace herself, twisting her mouth, before reaching over and grabbing Eddie’s hand, “because who you are is- uh- pretty awesome.”

Considering he’d been having trouble finding tears before, Eddie consciously held them back now. He squeezed the smaller hand in his own.

“You think I’m awesome?”

Max scoffed, “If you ever tell anyone I said that, I’ll kill you.”

“I believe it.”

Such little sleep meant her words sunk in over time. He was still processing having been spotted and having a 15-year-old say that she related to the awful blackness that had its claws in Eddie. No kid should think like that. It wasn’t fair.

“I don’t-” Eddie rubbed his free hand over his brow, headache spreading and warning him he wasn’t giving his body what it needed- “I can’t really form anything nearly as poetic as what you just said right now,” He squeezed her hand again, “But thank you.”

“I’ll be expecting a motivational speech from you some time,” Max gently removed her hand from his grasp and stood, “As payment.”

Eddie tipped an imaginary hat, “Of course, my lady.”

She nodded at him, having accomplished what her visit was for, and headed back to where she’d appeared from. Eddie nibbled at a piece of loose skin on his thumb.

He rubbed at one eye and tried to feel something about what had happened, something other than a well of sorrow for the things the girl had been through.

As she sat down to find a foothold, Max looked back at him, “You’re still coming today, right? Giving me a ride?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Eddie promised. He hoped some coffee and food would make him safe to drive. He hoped his body would let him eat something other than dry cereal without feeling nauseous.

Max grinned, “Good, because Dustin’s idea is awful, and Steve has already tried talking him out of it.”

Eddie had heard all about that from the man himself. It made him want Dustin to go through with it more, and he told the girl as much. She laughed, shook her head, and disappeared from view.

Eddie kept quiet until he heard the door of her trailer slam, then dropped his face into his hands and groaned.

Dealing with the pack of children on a night with no sleep was not going to help his headache.

To make it worse, they were costume shopping.

*

“That is not happening!”

“Don’t be a dud, Steve.”

“Yeah, Steve.”

Eddie stepped into the group with Max at his side and a too wide smile, “Oh, we’re bullying Steve? Can I join?”

“No.” Steve glanced at him after a roll of his eyes, then did a double take. He frowned like he knew exactly how forced the smile was before turning back to Lucas and Dustin, “I’m not being Chewbacca. Who says one of the two tiny stores they have here will have the costume anyway?”

Dustin pointed with a victorious laugh, “Ah ha! So, if they have one, you’ll do it?”

“No!”

Eddie squinted against the glare of sunlight. Trust October to not even be clouded over.

They’d agreed to meet on the corner of the main high street, thankfully not with all the children with them. Will, El, and Erica already had their costumes. They also refused to tell them what they were.

Mike knew, but his lips were sealed. He looked a little gleeful whenever anyone theorised though, lording the secret over their heads with a smug smile.

Eddie threw an arm over Steve’s shoulders and pulled him close.

“Come on, Stevie, live a little,” He patted the man’s chest, “You’d make a charming Chewbacca.”

Steve looked like he was considering it, narrowed eyes directed at Eddie. Then he shook his head firmly.

“No, I already have my costume. Robin already has hers. No take backs.”

Matching costumes? Eddie was pretty sure that hadn’t been mentioned in all of Steve’s rants about the kids’ costume ideas and plans for the holiday. He hid the pang of hurt with another grin.

“Where’s the first store?”

He, Steve, Max, Lucas, Dustin, and Mike headed to the store down the street. It had garish paper pumpkins and bats displayed in the window, trailed across bunting that was taped on haphazardly.

The minimal effort display was beaten by the inside. Mannequins were dotted around in various costumes, surprisingly overflowing with options considering it was only a week until the big day. Carved pumpkins sat atop every free surface, the insides flickering with what Eddie hoped weren’t real candles. Fake cobwebs were strewn over clothing rails with plastic spiders sticking out of them.

Eddie rubbed a finger over the exposed legs of one. He smiled at all the fanfare. Halloween had to be the best holiday of the year, hands down. It wasn’t that it made him stick out less, since he didn’t really care about being noticed for his style, but it brought out other people’s freakish sides.

Zombie makeup, fake blood splatters, axes embedded in chests with theatrical death performances. Masks, ugly costumes, and glee.

It made something lighten in him to see everyone embrace the weird sides of themselves, even if it was for only one day a year.

He turned and realised he’d already lost track of everyone aside from Dustin. How had they disappeared so quickly?

Eddie lifted himself to the tips of his toes. Mike and Max were arguing on the other side of the store, playing what looked like a game of rock-paper-scissors from the obscured angle. He spotted Lucas admiring a knight costume on one of the mannequins, holding his chin in thought.

Dustin pulled on his arm before he could find Steve, “Come on, you need to help me find it.”

“I still can’t believe you’re doing this,” Eddie followed without protest, his jacket creasing under the boy’s hold, “And I’m still sure I’d do the makeup better than Nancy.”

“She called dibs, remember.”

They wound through the messy aisles and orange light before reaching the striped, polka dot, and brightly coloured costumes. Dustin started rooting through them with a serious set to his mouth. Eddie couldn’t help the fondness that made his chest expand.

A clown. Dustin wanted to be a clown for Halloween.

Not a zombie clown, or some murder clown with blood stains on his costume. No, Dustin just wanted to be a run of the mill clown.

“A happy clown,” The boy had insisted when he’d first floated the idea to him and Steve at the diner, “The sad ones are pointless. Clowns are supposed to make you laugh!”

He started looking too. One with purple and red stripes, plus a huge yellow strip down the middle with marble buttons, stood out to him. He pulled it from the rack and held it at the side of Dustin’s body, squinting to imagine it on the kid.

“Now this is cute.”

“Oh, that one’s good.” Dustin snatched it from him with his bottom lip between his teeth. He shook out the suit, admired the buttons on the ass flap that made it authentic.

“Oh, God,” Steve suddenly appeared at his side, “You’re really letting him do this?”

Eddie turned with a grin. He realised the man was holding two takeout cups and was handed one with a nod, Steve’s gaze still on Dustin’s glorious costume option. The smell coming through the lid told Eddie it was coffee. Strong coffee.

He nearly proposed right then and there.

“Hey,” Dustin waved at their drinks, “Why don’t I get one?”

“Coffee is for grownups.” Steve answered immediately. Eddie hid his smile behind his cup.

The kid frowned at them, looking between them both like there was some conspiracy at play that he could solve. There was one. Steve was psychic. He knew Eddie needed coffee and went to get it without one word of prompt.

Spooky, Eddie thought, how fitting.

“To answer your question, Steve,” Eddie tilted his head to give the man a sardonic grin, “I think it’s important for our children to be able to express themselves-” Steve mouthed ‘our’ with raised eyebrows and a barely suppressed smile- “however they want. We don’t want them turning into capitalistic drones of conformity, trapped in the bounds of societal expectations of normalcy.”

Steve leant in close to whisper in his ear, “That’s a lot of big words for someone with his shirt on inside out.”

Eddie looked down. Ah, maybe that was how Steve figured out he hadn’t slept. It was a basic black t-shirt, loose around his hips but clinging to his chest, so the only giveaway was the seam at the collar. No one could claim the guy didn’t have a keen eye.

“It’s a stylistic choice-” he shrugged, took a long sip of his coffee- “stop trying to change me.”

Something magnetic pulled between them when Steve pulled away, his smile tilting into frustratingly sincere happiness. It charged Eddie like static. He gripped his cup and relished in the burn in his palm, wished he still had bruises to press into to bring him back to reality.

Away from the fantasy, away from the question ‘what if-’.

Mike mercifully broke the moment by running over, costume package in hand, “Has Max come back yet?”

“Do you see her?” Steve gestured with one arm, widening his eyes at the kid.

“Yeah, actually.” Eddie nodded to where the girl was weaving through the crowd of people towards them, also carrying a costume.

She grinned at them all. It wasn’t a good grin. It wasn’t an innocent grin. The red high on her cheeks spoke of nothing but trouble.

“Ready?” She asked Mike.

He nodded, “I got something good for you.”

“I got something great for you.”

Eddie leant against the pillar by the clown costumes, “You picked each other’s costumes?” He then looked at Mike specifically, “Are you insane?”

“We made a deal.” Mike shrugged.

“Mutually assured destruction.” Dustin commented with a nod. They all watched and waited for the two kids to exchange their pickings.

Max reacted first, with a surprised laugh. She turned the package around to show the rest of them that Mike had picked out a fireman costume, not a firewoman, which was pretty generous. The women’s ones were always weird. Sexy.

Eddie’s point was proven when Mike brandished his.

“A sexy nurse?!”

Steve snorted his coffee. With a laugh of his own, Eddie patted the man’s back and gleefully thought he was glad he came, despite the pain behind his eyes still persistently throbbing.

“You’ve got those long legs!” Max defended. There wasn’t a trace of guilt on her face, despite the fact that Mike had picked something she would realistically like, and she’d been a menace.

It took a while for Mike to form more words. He floundered, waved a hand, frowned. For a second, Eddie thought he’d say something like ‘Will would never do this to me’.

Alas, “You’re- I- I’m picking another costume.”

He snatched the fireman costume from Max’s hands. She gaped and followed him when he stormed away, their bickering echoing across the store with descending volume until they were out of earshot at the other end.

Lucas suddenly appeared, “What happened with that?”

“Mike is a sexy nurse.” Eddie took a leisurely sip, holding back his smile when Steve snorted his coffee again, coughing and sputtering. He glared at Eddie when he was done.

“Right,” Lucas said slowly, while Eddie smiled innocently, “Oh, sick, are you getting this one?”

Dustin nodded, showing off the clown suit Eddie had picked out.

They started chatting about whether to get a wig, or just spray Dustin’s hair since it was already curly. Eddie closed his eyes with the lid of his cup against his lips. He opened them quickly when he realised it was a little too nice to have them shut.

“Tired?” Steve asked him quietly. His elbow brushed against Eddie’s arm since he was standing so close, but it was just a necessity thing. The aisles were small.

Eddie dipped his head, “Exhausted. Had a- uh- troubled night.”

“What, like bad dreams?”

It was sort of adorable that Steve didn’t call them nightmares. Eddie downed the dregs out of his cup and shrugged.

“Just couldn’t sleep.”

He didn’t bring up the restlessness. He didn’t bring up the urge to do something stupid, reckless, dangerous. Not the crawling feeling over his skin, the grief of having lost all his physical hurt so he was left aching, or the loneliness like quicksand that sucked him in faster than he could pull himself out.

The feeling of Steve’s eyes on him made his skin prickle. He ignored it until the troublesome two came back declaring that they wanted to look in the other store.

Dustin bought his suit, and some red hairspray, and Max ended up getting the fireman costume along with the matching helmet (with the promise to pick something better this time).

They all traipsed the couple streets to find the other store, this one smaller but more niche. It had some masks in the window that were ornately designed and Eddie admired them, resolutely not meeting his own eye in the reflection.

Lucas picked a spiderman suit after at least half an hour of deliberation. Eddie hung back with Steve by the entrance, rubbing his eyes and trying desperately to stay awake, while Max was followed by the others as she chose something for Mike.

“That’s way better.” The boy nodded in approval when they returned with a superman costume, muscle pads and all. She rolled her eyes but wore a pleased smile.

With what he knew about how similar they were, Eddie could see how the approval of her friend warmed her. It was the little things, after all.

Getting told you’ve done a good job. Someone buying you a coffee because they noticed you were tired. Eddie internally groaned at himself. Tiredness made his mind slack.

All he had focused on for the last hour was Steve. His wild gestures, his quips at the kids and the mess of his hair after running his fingers through it constantly. The way his shirt bunched at the belt of his jeans from it shifting whenever he put his hands on his hips.

His sleep addled brain fixated on every little detail. He didn’t have the energy to look away, to hold himself accountable, and took in every morsel of affectionate observation like a hoarding dragon.

They headed to the café by the store, thankfully providing more caffeine for Eddie and French toast that Steve ordered for him. He pushed it on his plate, attention still drawn elsewhere.

“Wait, what about you?”

Eddie tore his eyes away from the stripe of collarbone showing by the collar of Steve’s crewneck.

“Me?”

Dustin nodded. He held the paper bag with his finds close to his side on the booth, “What are you dressing as?”

It hadn’t even occurred to Eddie that he was included in the plans. In hindsight, it made sense. He’d been there for all the planning and was here now for the actual hunt.

For some reason he’d assumed he’d be drinking alone and watching horror movies on the actual night.

“He’s already got one,” Steve answered for him. Now, this was either Eddie’s drowsiness playing tricks on him, or the man looked nervous, “Me, him, and Robin are doing a group thing.”

“We are?” Eddie spun his ring around his middle finger.

Steve nodded, held his mug over the top with long fingers and gestured with it at Eddie’s plate, “Eat.”

“What are you going as?” Mike asked, his mouth full of waffles doused in syrup. He had a drop down his shirt. Eddie had the sudden urge to grab a napkin and wipe it away. The man beside him had clearly influenced him with motherly instinct.

The food was cold when it hit his tongue, but Eddie did as he was told anyway and started working his way through it.

“Luke-” Steve directed his mug at himself, then at Eddie- “Han-” he then waved it vaguely- “Robin is Leia.”

Max dropped her chin into her hand with an overly dramatic girlish gasp, “That’s so cute.”

“Shut up.” Steve and Eddie told her at the same time. They silently fist bumped at the synchronicity.

“You’ve got all the shit for it?” Eddie asked, holding his mouthful in the side of his cheek for the sake of politeness, “Billowy shirt, vest, holster?”

Steve nodded, “All sorted.”

“Do I get a gun?”

He brightened under Steve’s answering smile, “Yes, you get a gun.”

“A real one?”

“No.” Steve kicked Eddie’s foot under the table.

Eddie snapped his fingers, “Damn. Thought Wheeler was gonna pull through for me.”

He stabbed his fork into the remaining slice on his plate. Despite his physical hunger not having abated, eating any more suddenly seemed intimidating. Eddie started cutting it into smaller pieces.

“You gonna eat that?” Lucas leant over the table eagerly.

“Go wild.” Eddie pushed his plate toward the kid gratefully. At least it wouldn’t go to waste fuelling someone who’d only use the energy to cause trouble this way.

The idea of having been included without being asked was a little daunting. It felt out of control. But- it was a good loss of control. One where he felt swaddled, thought of, kept in the bubble even when he was doing everything that he could to burst it.

Despite that assurance, the promise of being wanted and involved in plans, Eddie felt himself lag after he dropped Max at the Byers’ place. She said she wanted to convince El to show her their costumes since she’d be sharing hers.

Eddie doubted it’d work. That girl could keep secrets when she wanted to. Though, if Max held her own secret costume hostage to break her down, Eddie held a drop of hope for her wearing El down.

He drove with half a mind.

The car was silent, still, no music playing, and Eddie fumbled with his pack of cigarettes with one hand. He hadn’t had one the entire time they were out, and despite not considering himself a complete addict, he could feel the irritability rising in him.

The first breath made his head spin. Fucking nicotine rushes. On a basically empty stomach, he instantly regretted choosing to have a smoke while driving.

He pulled up on the side of the road and took a deep breath.

The rush swallowed him.

His chest constricted.

He dropped the lit cigarette into the footwell and pressed his head to the steering wheel.

“Fuck.”

His breaths stuttered. Eddie couldn’t take enough in. He felt the black hole inside him expand, warp, suck in every good thing about him: his friends, Wayne, the belonging, the safety. All that was left was the red, clawed creature.

It clung to his heart and dragged it down to the pits of his stomach.

The corners of his eyes stung, and he heard his knuckles creak where he was gripping the wheel so hard it shot pain through his bones.

Shit, shit-

Eddie moved clumsily and threw the van door open, dropping out and stumbling to press his hands flat against the metal sliding door.

He heaved. His panic bubbled, closed his throat, and all he could do was stand there hunched over with his eyes shut and hope it’d pass, hope that since the evening had fallen and the light was dimming, that no one would see this. No one would see him break.

With a haggard breath, Eddie clenched a fist and thumped it against the van. The sound thudded around him, and the pain screamed through his hand then up his arm.

It helped.

He did it again.

After the fifth time, and the first hot trail of tears that fell down his cheek, Eddie could breathe again.

He dropped to his knees and pressed his forehead against the cool metal in front of him.

There was only enough time for him to feel like he wasn’t completely deprived of oxygen before there was a scuff of shoes behind him and a roar of laughter.

“Who’re you praying to, Munson?”

Eddie’s eyes shot open. He kept still, as if that’d make a difference, as he felt himself be approached by two sets of footsteps.

“Don’t be stupid enough to think it’ll save you.”

He gritted his teeth. All the light had leaked out of him, red pooling in his eyes and consuming his view in darkness. Eddie pulled himself to his feet.

See, he was tired. He was exhausted. Eddie was empty, and angry, boiling over with swirling emotions and nothing at all at the same time.

“I don’t need saving,” He sang, turning to face the boys, Andy the prick, and Jason fucking Carver. The bitter part of him preened at finally getting the limelight, “Tell me, kiddos, has it helped you? Does God listen to your prayers?”

The bags under Jason’s eyes were a deep purple, the pallor of his skin pale and his cheeks gaunt. It made sense for him to look just as empty as he was inside. Eddie wondered how long it’d take for him to look the same. A zombified version of himself.

Jason stepped towards him. Eddie met him in the middle, smug with his extra half a foot of height that meant the boy had to tilt his head back slightly to meet is eye.

“You’re lucky the town has forgotten who you are. You’d be dead ten times over if they knew. If they could see what I saw.”

Eddie grinned, “What did you see, Carver?”

He got shoved back roughly. His back hit the van, the pain coursing through him with a pleasing thrum. Trilling with it, gleeful at having something to do, someone to play with, Eddie rolled his head.

“That you’re something else,” Jason stalked towards him, backed up by Andy, their faces so serious and their scowls so deep it reminded Eddie of an action movie. The muscle. The boys with their fists and teeth, out on the street fighting for the sake of it, “I don’t know if you made a deal with the devil, or if you are one-”

“Flattering me now?” Eddie tucked his hair behind his ear, “It’s my devilish good looks, isn’t it?”

The boys shared a look.

The anger was visible between them, hues of green and red morphing and creating an unholy combination that had Eddie stomach turning with anticipation.

Hit me.

“Watch your mouth.” Andy snarled at him.

Oh, Eddie thought. It was still slightly light out, the road completely empty but still not private. There was too much chance for witnesses.

How angry would Jason have to be to throw a punch anyway?

“Maybe you should’ve watched Chrissy’s-” the words burned his mouth as they came out, curling ugly and false in the air around him- “and she wouldn’t have come to me.”

Hit me.

“You shut your-”

Eddie walked forward again, grasped the front of Jason’s shirt, “She didn’t trust you. I don’t blame her. Did you even know her? Did you know that she was struggling?” The boy in his grasp glared, his eyes alight with fire, “No. She came to me.”

“You going to let him say this shit?” Andy waved a hand at Jason, poised and ready to jump, but not without his master’s permission.

Hit me.

As he did best, Eddie pushed, “Maybe she wanted more from me than just drugs.”

His nose busted from the blow Jason threw at him. He stumbled back and cupped it with both hands, hysterical laughter bubbling out of his throat.

Just one hit, and blood pooled in his palms and stained his teeth. He spat it out and met Jason’s furious gaze.

Eddie wiped the bow of his lip with the back of his hand, “I guess we’ll never know now.”

With a growl that may as well have been accompanied by kicking his feet on the gravel like a charging bull, Jason came for him. He dragged Eddie by the lapel of his jacket and threw him to the ground.

His nose jarred from the impact and Eddie groaned. He rolled onto his back as Jason approached again.

He mounted himself on top of Eddie and threw punch after punch, smashing his cheek, his lip, cracking his head against the floor. Each blow brought Eddie to the surface. He felt himself crash back down to earth, feel like he was in his body rather than floating outside of it.

“No one to save you now, huh, Munson?” Andy taunted, playing his important role of cheerleader just inside of Eddie’s view above Jason.

Who would save me anyway?

Just like that, Eddie was struck with the image.

Steve’s bat by his shoulders, the man’s confident posture warning the boys away. Later, his eyes wide and concerned, narrowed and furious, watching out for Eddie and keeping him safe. Steve helped him. He would help him now.

He thought of Max. Her assurance that it got better, that despite never being sure if the feeling was ever truly gone, that wanting to get better was something that started within herself.

Nancy’s words of being around people, those who understood, who wouldn’t turn him away because of what he’d been through but would hold him close because of it.

Robin’s glistening eyes as she told him that she was different, and that sharing that moment with Eddie had made her feel less alone.

Will’s pleased smile at the idea of playing with him as Dungeon Master. Jonathan’s promise of sharing the good California shit with him. Dustin’s pleased smile every time Eddie entered the room. El’s gleeful shouts when he teased her. Lucas, Erica, and Mike insisting he didn’t sacrifice himself in the campaign because they wanted him there.

He thought of finally playing guitar again, being around his bandmates, playing D&D, cooking shitty meals with Wayne, finally telling Steve how he felt.

“Shit.”

The monster inside him shied away from the light.

“Shit is right,” Jason raised his fist again, his chest rising and falling rapidly, “You’re dead, Munson. Fucking dead.”

Eddie hissed, “Fuck you.”

He thought of his friends, his family, all the times he’d miss out on because he couldn’t resist temptation. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Eddie wasn’t going to let it happen this way.

With a buck of his hips, he dislodged Jason and ran for his still open van door. The slam behind him was just fast enough that the boys couldn’t drag him out again. He pushed the lock down and fumbled to turn the keys in the ignition.

The van churned, the engine purred, then sputtered and died.

“No-” Eddie gasped- “No, no, no.”

He turned the keys again. Jason and Andy pounded against the windows. There was a mighty thump, and Eddie looked up to see Andy had ripped a plank of wood from one of the building’s boarded up windows around them and was banging it against the passenger seat window.

Eddie swallowed around a feeling.

Fear, he thought with a flurry of pleasure, I’m scared. Oh, God, I’m scared.

The throbbing in his face focused his attention and instead of losing himself in the now unfamiliar terror, he pulled the keys back out of the ignition and stuffed them into his pocket.

He climbed through the seats as the pounding continued and readied himself for a fucking fast run out of the back doors.

Under a blanket in the back was the radio from months ago. He hadn’t used it since, and prayed that the batteries still worked, that someone would be by theirs on the right frequency.

He grabbed it and tightened his grip consciously. By the doors, he swayed on his feet, back and forth, building momentum. He heard Jason and Andy shouting at each other, clearly having noticed that he’d gone in the back, and Eddie knew he needed to go now before they reached the back as well.

He slammed the doors open with a war cry.

Eddie ran.

He held the walkie to his face as he did, streaming past empty building after empty building. No people, no witnesses, no saviour.

“Code red!” He yelled into the radio, “Code red, code red! Andy and Jason fucking Carver found me,” He heaved a breath, lungs straining from the most exercise he’d done in months. Footsteps followed him, “I’m by the fucking- I don’t know the name of the street- shit.”

Eddie pulled to the right, threw himself between two buildings with a narrow gap, just to catch his breath, just to think for a second.

“Get out here, you freak!” Jason yelled, still some distance away, but running steadily closer.

Nothing had crackled through the radio.

“Anybody!” Eddie shouted into it, uncaring of giving away his hiding place, “I’m by where Steve found me- Steve if you’re listening- I’m near that alley, the same street- call Hopper,” He hissed when the effort of talking made his lip and nose scream in pain, “Just- help- Steve, Dustin, Max! Somebody!”

A pair of rough hands pulled Eddie from between the buildings and slammed him against the wall. He kneed Jason in the stomach, dropping the radio in the process, and Andy stood on it with his big stupid feet, smashing it into pieces.

The last inch of rope dropped, and Eddie was hanging.

He gritted his teeth. Like Hell was he going down without a fight.

He threw his head as hard as he could into Jason’s, making the man stumble back a few steps. Andy lurched, and Eddie dodged his clumsy fist, wondering why he’d been stupid enough to not fight back last time.

The boy ended up punching the wall. Eddie spun around him and kicked the guy in the middle of the back, sending Andy face first into the brick, a pained grunt escaping him.

Jason spat on the floor, no blood, just a disgusting teenage boy. With a sway, Eddie raised his fists in front of him. He was the perfect picture of a forty’s boxer. All he was missing was the moustache.

Full of rage that made him stupid, Jason ran for him, and Eddie threw a closed fist against the side of his head when he got close enough. It only made him lose his footing slightly, then his punch hit Eddie’s so far unblemished cheek.

He bit his tongue. Blood spread around his mouth, lined his teeth, and Eddie grasped at the boy’s shirt as he marched them into the middle of the road, stumbling backwards.

With a cry, Eddie yanked Jason’s head back with a fistful of his hair and dug his teeth into his shoulder.

No one told him he couldn’t fight dirty.

“’Once again’-” Eddie spat blood from his mouth, tilting his voice into a farce of a Transylvanian accent- “’welcome to my house’.”

As Jason reared back, hand clutching his bleeding skin, Andy was on him. Eddie took a kick to his chest and fell onto his ass, head swiftly following and bouncing off the ground with a brain fogging thump.

“Just lie down and take it.” Andy warned him. Both boys’ shadows loomed over him.

As his vision swam, Eddie laughed, his throat clogging with blood he wasn’t sure was his own, “Talk dirty to me.”

The hard toe of a shoe hit his side with brute force.

Eddie didn’t want to go like this. He wasn’t ready. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

Night had fallen, and Orion’s Belt was bright and beautiful above him.

Please don’t let it be any of them that find me. Please- let it be a stranger.

He gazed up at the constellation, tears in his eyes, convinced his mind was playing tricks on him when he heard the squeal of tires racing towards them.

Chapter Text

Eddie knew a losing fight when he was in one. He knew it when the bats were descending- though he was technically wrong that time-, and he knew it now. It was a certainty that didn’t bring him any peace.

The terror he felt as he stared at Jason’s fist, at Andy’s snarl, the cold of the road leaking through his jacket, was something he knew would linger even as he descended into blackness.

The screech of brakes filled his ears.

An engine rumbled behind him, and Jason’s head shot up as someone pulled up diagonally across the road.

Relief flooded Eddie as he rolled his head to see. He’d recognise that off-yellow paintjob anywhere.

Steve swung the door open and leapt out, bat in hand, face set as he stormed to where Jason was climbing off Eddie’s body to look on the newcomer.

“You again.” Andy said with distaste.

“Yeah,” Steve met Eddie’s eye, still on the floor, clenched his jaw and dropped the bat, “Me.”

He rushed forward and slammed his fist into Andy’s nose. The man dropped to the ground onto his elbow, holding his face, and Steve turned on Jason. He stood in front of Eddie’s feet. His face was no longer visible, but the line of his shoulders was tense.

Eddie felt his eyes well up. God, he’d never been so excited to see that ugly bomber jacket.

“Harrington,” Jason greeted him with a smarmy grin, “Why don’t you just-”

The sentence was interrupted by Steve grabbing his shirt and throwing him onto the bonnet of his car. Jason landed with a crash. He slid across it with a grunt and rolled onto the other side.

As the boys were down, distracted, Steve rushed to Eddie’s side and held out a hand.

Eddie took it, “My fucking hero.”

“Shut up and tell me if you’re about to pass out.” His eyes were wide and furious, lit with a fire Eddie had never seen before, and it was one he’d happily burn in.

“No chance.” He promised. He thought that’d be it, that Steve would push him into the passenger seat and peel them away from the confrontation. That’d he’d tell Eddie later there was no shame in running.

Instead, “Start swinging, then.”

Steve turned on his heel and rounded his car. As Jason rose, he shot two punches across his face before he could find his footing. The boy reeled back, as surprised as Eddie by the pure rage radiating off Steve in that moment.

Should I be finding this hot?

There wasn’t chance to catch his breath, though. Eddie heard the scuff of feet before Andy could reach him and scurried backwards, giving himself an extra second before the guy was on him.

He pulled Eddie forward and brought his knee up to his stomach. It knocked the wind out of him, and blood splattered the road, from his mouth or nose he wasn’t sure. Not that it mattered. Eddie used his position.

His arms wrapped around Andy’s torso easily. He pushed through his shoulders and sent them both crashing into the ground. As he pressed his forearm into Andy’s chest to keep him down, Eddie’s vision turned to static, and he thanked whatever powers there were that he always chose to wear rings.

The split in Andy’s cheek gushed with blood. He bucked his hips and kicked his legs, but Eddie clamped his own around the man. Another hit, another split, and now Eddie was having fun.

He used the arm holding the boy down, clutched his shirt, and pulled his face close.

“Stay down,” He warned, an approximate echo of Andy’s words from earlier, “You fucking asshole.”

With a growl, Eddie swung his head back and hit Andy’s forehead so hard the guy immediately fell back to the pavement. His head thudded with a crack.

Eddie took a moment to stop feeling dizzy, rubbing his temples with his fingers and thumb to soothe the rapidly growing ache. The thing they never tell you about headbutts is they hurt you nearly as fucking much as the person you’re hitting.

He shook the fog out of his head and sought out Steve. On the other side of the car, Jason had him down on the bonnet with a hand around his throat. It looked like he’d got a few punches in, and Eddie cursed how unsteady he was on his feet as he rounded to them at a run.

“Get off!” He yelled, jumping on Jason’s back, and pulling them both by rocking his weight backwards. The boy stumbled, yelled, and pulled on Eddie’s hair roughly to dislodge him.

He met Steve’s eye over Jason’s shoulder. The man’s mouth twisted, eyes glinting, as he knocked his fist into the boy’s nose. It pushed them further back and Eddie leapt off Jason’s back before they both went down.

As soon as he was on his own two feet, Eddie kicked the boy in the side, causing him to stumble more, both hands cupping his nose as blood leaked between the digits.

His and Steve’s shoulders bumped as they followed his clamber. Eddie kicked him again. As he went down, unable to keep his balance any longer, Steve got pulled out of his sight.

Fucking Andy.

He had his arm around Steve’s throat, choking him as the man’s feet kicked to free himself. As Eddie started to panic, lurching forward to get him out, Steve ducked his head and bit into Andy’s arm. The boy yelled and released him.

Steve fell to his hands and knees, clutching his throat and coughing. It wasn’t that concerning, and there were bigger problems here, so Eddie rushed forward and clamped his arm around Andy’s neck.

He pulled the boy’s upper body down as he yelled, held his head in a lock, scooped his fist under and caught him in the mouth. A hiss escaped through Eddie’s teeth at the impact.

He ignored the pain and dropped to his knees, twisting his torso more to force Andy to fall onto his back.

Jason had managed to get his feet back down to earth. He pulled Eddie’s head back by his hair and forced a hand around his throat. Eddie couldn’t do anything to stop himself from being slammed back into the ground, his legs awkwardly bent and the ache in his head doubling from the impact.

The other hand joined, and Eddie’s eyes widened. Jason tightened his grip, strangling him, sat over his lower body. It didn’t take more than a few seconds for him to start seeing stars. Already injured, beaten, and tired- Eddie was a fucking goner.

He heard Steve and Andy roughhousing behind him. Desperately, Eddie clawed at Jason’s wrists with his hands, digging his nails in and scratching.

“That’s it, Munson-” Jason’s grin was maniacal, bloody, one of his eyes swollen shut- “just stay fucking still.”

Eddie set his jaw. He glared into Jason’s eyes, leaked the fear out of himself to appear cold and unfeeling. There was no way he was giving the boy the satisfaction of seeing him terrified.

His heart raced. The stars doubled, and black creeped into the corners of his vision.

A hard kick to Jason’s forehead sent him flying back. Eddie gasped for breath when his neck was released from its hold.

He pushed himself to the side and leant on his elbow, hacking up blood and spit, trying to swallow in as many breaths as possible at the same time

“Come on, come on-” Steve grabbed his shoulder, encouraging him to crawl. He followed Steve’s feet and leant his back against the passenger door- “shit, shit, are you okay?”

Eddie couldn’t speak, only cough, so he threw a lazy thumbs up at the man in answer. He noticed how Steve’s lip was split and swollen in two places, his chin smeared with blood. There was so much on his forehead and the left side of his face that there was no way to tell what was injured. What he could tell was that the stain in his hairline didn’t say anything good.

There was no way they were both staying conscious long enough to win this fight. Eddie could feel himself lagging, the adrenaline not enough to encourage him to want to get to his feet.

He and Steve shared a look. It was scared, angry, and understanding.

They had to end this, somehow.

Neither of them would survive the ‘to the death’ shit. Eddie was going to go down first, already beaten half to a pulp by the time Steve rolled up, and the man couldn’t take on two people on his own, even if they’d got a few good hits in up to this point.

Steve nodded at him. He pulled his bat from the ground and turned at the same time as the two boys returning to them.

“Take another step,” Steve warned, spinning the bat in his hand before holding it over his shoulder, ready to swing, “I’ll knock your fucking teeth out.”

Jason and Andy looked between Steve, the bat, and Eddie, then looked at each other. They seemed to like their chances. They took another step.

Eddie had to help, somehow. He pushed himself up with a hand behind him on the door, leant heavily against the car and blinked the haze out of his eyes. What could he do? What could he do?

Another car squealed down the road. They all turned without moving, watching the Sherriff’s department car speed toward them without its lights or sirens on. Eddie let out a breath.

He never thought he’d see the day he’d be relieved to have a police car turn up, but he also didn’t think he’d ever fall for a jock, so.

As soon as it stopped, the boys made a run for it.

Eddie was content to watch them go, too tired and thankful to fight anymore, but Steve ran and grabbed Jason. He pulled him by his arm and spun them around. With a grunt, he pushed Jason’s back into the side of the car and held his shirt in both fists.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” He hissed at Jason’s slack face, who was probably shocked at having been caught; at fighting someone who he likely thought of as a hero before; at not winning a fight against Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson, “You think you can try beat someone to death and just run?” Steve pulled the boy forward and slammed him again, “You’re lucky they’re here, asshole, because you deserve a lot worse than a night in jail-”

“Steve.”

The man’s head flipped to Eddie, like he’d forgotten he was there. He blinked. Seeming to come out of a trance, Steve looked back at Jason and loosened his grip. Only enough that he wasn’t bodily pressed against him.

As soon as the police car pulled to a stop, both Hopper and Jonathan climbed out of it, running over to the commotion.

Eddie wasn’t sure why the latter was there. He blinked hard to stop the tears from the pain he was becoming startlingly more aware of minute by minute.

Hopper put a hand on Steve’s shoulder, murmuring to him, likely telling him to let Jason go and take a breath. Eddie couldn’t listen. He took a few steps back and squeezed his hands into fists, relishing in the pain of his split knuckles being stretched open.

“Hey,” Jonathan appeared at his side, brows set in deep concern, “I’d say ‘are you okay’, but I think the answer’s pretty obvious.”

Eddie hummed, staring ahead and Steve, Hopper, and Jason, not really seeing any of them.

“Better question,” Jonathan squeezed his shoulder to grab his attention, “Do you need a hospital?”

That was a better question.

Eddie looked down at himself, tried to assess the damage without stripping off. He was sure he had a broken rib this time, maybe two, but there wasn’t much a hospital could do about that other than give him stronger pain killers than over the counter. He pressed two fingertips into his nose. It didn’t feel wonky, and the pain only seemed like bruising rather than proper damage.

“I’m good.” Eddie said, his voice coming out scratched and broken, his insides matching his outsides again. He’d appreciate the feeling later.

“What?” Steve broke the quiet moment between himself and Jonathan, “You can’t just let him go.”

As soon as he said it, Eddie realised Jason was gone.

He hadn’t even heard the fucker scamper away, didn’t receive any parting remark or promise of ‘next time’. It didn’t need to be said, anyway. Eddie knew.

He knew what his fate was as soon as Carver had the chance.

Hopper sighed heavily, his hands on his hips, “Listen, kid-” he looked at Eddie and corrected himself- “kids- if I was arresting anyone here tonight, it would’ve been all of you. From an objective point of view, I can’t tell who started it-” Steve made a noise like he was going to argue but was cut off by Hopper raising his voice- “because you’re all as beat up as each other. Except maybe you.”

He gestured to Eddie.

Well, if that wasn’t an ego booster. He was struck with the sudden urge to bow but thought better of it when he took a too deep breath and his ribs screamed.

“So, go home-” Hopper continued- “and clean yourselves up, and be thankful that Jason can’t press charges without exactly the same problem.”

Steve gaped. He looked over his shoulder at Eddie, ran his eyes over his face, then turned back to Hopper.

“We have to do something about this,” He pled, “We can’t just- just go home and pretend it didn’t happen.”

Hopper put a hand on Steve’s shoulder, a fatherly touch that made him deflate, “I’m sorry, Steve. We’ll think of something. Tomorrow.”

Before he could argue again, as it seemed like he was gearing up to, Eddie limped to Steve’s side and brushed the back of a finger over his wrist.

“Come on, man. Let’s just- let’s lick our wounds,” He dipped his head to meet Steve’s eye, noticed how he was shaking all over, a leaf in the wind, “I hear you’ve got a killer first aid kit.”

Steve nodded. His eyes never stopped moving, flipping between all the points of pain Eddie could feel on his face.

“Fine,” Steve said eventually, defeated. He dropped his head into one hand and rubbed over his forehead, immediately flinching and stopping the movement, “Fine.”

Eddie held onto Steve’s wrist. He could feel himself swaying on his feet, half sure he was concussed, or maybe the exhaustion was finally getting to him since the fight was over. There was only so much one person could take.

He followed Steve’s lead to the car. The guy opened the passenger door for him, and he climbed in, again forgoing the seatbelt for the sake of not aggravating his ribs.

The others exchanged quiet words while the door was still open. Eddie tipped his head back against the headrest and watched, unable to offer any contributions.

Jonathan leaned into Steve, grasped his shoulder, “You gonna be okay to drive? We can take you home and come back for your car tomorrow.”

“Don’t baby me.” Steve snapped, pulling himself away from Jonathan’s touch like it burned.

“Steve.” Hopper said firmly. The man immediately drooped, his shoulders dropping as he tipped his head back to the sky.

“I’ll be fine,” He answered after a few moments. Eddie watched him wave a dismissive hand, “I didn’t get hit in the head. No eyes swollen shut this time. It’s not far,” He nodded at Eddie, “Can you check his van, though? He- uh- left in a hurry.”

“Sure.” Jonathan nodded, eager to be doing something to help. With a weak hold, Eddie handed over his keys when prompted.

Hopper and Jonathan took their reassurances and said their goodbyes, heading up the road to where Eddie said he’d left his van. They might’ve said something to Eddie too, but he was busy staring out of the windscreen and trying not to fall into blackness as the reality of the night set in on him.

He’d nearly died. Jason wanted to kill him. Jason probably still would kill him. His stomach clenched and he screwed his eyes shut.

The door slammed behind Steve.

He peeled away from the road in silence, before groaning and bashing a hand against the steering wheel. The sound made Eddie flinch.

“Sorry-” Steve shook his head, glanced at Eddie quickly before turning his attention back to the road- “I’m sorry. It’s just- my parents are home. For once.”

Eddie nodded, “You can just drop me at-”

“No,” Steve said firmly, “I’m not leaving you alone tonight.”

“Steve-” Eddie didn’t want to be a burden, didn’t want to make Steve stay with him and look after him when he was just as beat up. He wanted to curl up into a ball, cry a little. He wanted to disappear.

He wanted to hold onto Steve and never let go.

“I’ve got a kit in here,” Steve nodded like the plan was formed, like it made sense and left no room for debate, “We’ll go to your trailer. Wayne won’t mind?”

“He’s not home.”

“Okay,” Steve nodded again, couldn’t seem to stop doing it, “Then we sort ourselves out there. We sleep.”

Eddie frowned as the man kept bobbing his head. His hands were gripping the wheel so tight the leather creaked, and he had his split lip between his teeth, rolling it until blood appeared again on the surface.

The car slid to a halt at a stop sign.

“Steve, are you-”

“What if I hadn’t heard it?” The man said suddenly. The car idled. The road was clear, but Steve made no move to drive ahead, “The radio- it was in my backseat. I’d been fucking around, gone for a drive, and it was in my car,” He didn’t meet Eddie’s eye, just stared out of the windscreen, “Dustin might’ve called me. He could’ve called Hopper. But- but you saw how long it took him to get there. You would’ve been dead.”

There was no good way to answer that. Eddie knew that.

Steve continued, running a hand through his hair, “I could’ve found you. Bloody, beaten- dead. You could’ve died, Eddie, and I wouldn’t be there in time- you’d be gone, and I couldn’t do anything- anything to stop it or help you. I almost didn’t hear it. I was almost home, and I can’t-” he shook his head, face crumbling. Eddie released a breath- “I can’t stop thinking about what- what would’ve- if I hadn’t- Eddie-”

Uncaring of the engine still rumbling and the space between them, Eddie pulled Steve by the back of his neck over the centre console and pressed their foreheads together.

“I’m okay-” he soothed, trying hard to keep his voice steady as his eyes watered in warning- “you got me. I’m okay. We’re okay-” the words seemed to be going in, as Steve sagged against him and closed his eyes. Eddie closed his too so that he didn’t see the tears streaking through blood on the man’s cheeks- “you saved me. You saved me, Steve. It’s alright. It’s gonna be alright.”

Steve’s breath stuttered, “Fuck-” he pulled away from Eddie’s touch, blinking hard, leaving him cold and anxious- “fuck, we- we need to- let’s just get home.”

Home.

It warmed Eddie through that Steve referred to his place as that. Like wherever Eddie was, wherever they were together, was home.

That wasn’t what Steve meant by that. Eddie knew rationally that it wasn’t, but the flower bloomed in his chest anyway as the man pulled away from the stop sign and drove the rest of the way to the trailer park.

*

They entered the trailer quietly.

A hum of tension thrummed between them, static and unstable. Eddie was unsure how to break it as they opened up the first-aid kit from Steve’s car. He followed the man’s lead and stripped off his jacket and shirt.

Silently, they assessed each other’s damage. Steve had several bruises up and down his torso, around his neck was red, the skin burned from the material of Andy’s jacket rubbing against it. He lifted his hand in aborted movement to touch the marred skin.

Eddie leant against the kitchen counter. He watched Steve pull out the disinfectant, butterfly stitches in neat rows on paper. His hands shook as he opened the pack of cotton wool balls, so Eddie gently took them from him. He pulled the scissors from the drawer by his hip and cut the pack cleanly.

“Thanks.” Steve breathed as he handed them back. He met Eddie’s eye briefly before returning to his task, dousing the ball with alcohol. He squeezed it in his fist suddenly, “Shit, we need to- the- we need to get most of the blood off first.”

Eddie could feel it crusting on his chin, forehead, cheeks, and his knuckles. He wouldn’t be surprised if his entire face was stained with it, permanently marked with a red hue to show how he’d been broken by someone he’d hurt.

He crouched slowly, gritting his teeth as it pulled at his ribs, and opened the cupboard under the sink to grab a clean washcloth. The sound of the tap pelting water into the sink jarred him when he turned it on. Eddie wet the cloth.

Steve went to take it, but he held it near his chest, “Let me.”

The man met his eye, nodded slightly, “Okay.”

His hands shaking too, less from the adrenaline of the night and more from the anticipation of being so close, Eddie swiped the cloth over Steve’s chin. He rubbed in the divot beneath the man’s lip. The cloth came away stained red.

Steve sighed, his eyes slipping closed. With a hand pressed against the counter, he let Eddie continue. His hair was crusted and dirty when Eddie pushed it out of the way. He wiped Steve’s forehead, his cheek, rubbed his thumb over the skin of his forehead softly when the split in his eyebrow caused a wince.

Eddie had to rinse the cloth twice. Steve’s face was clean, blood free aside from where the cut in his eyebrow had started leaking sluggishly again. With a breath, Eddie unfolded the cloth. He placed it flat over his hand. Just one layer of material.

Irrevocably selfish, Eddie did one last swipe, stroking over Steve’s left cheek with the thin cloth and feeling his heart quicken at the sensation of the warm skin under his palm. Steve turned his face into it.

Eddie held his breath, “You’re good.”

Blearily, Steve blinked his eyes open and cupped his hand over the back of Eddie’s. He released the cloth, and the man held onto it, the brush of their hands leaving more of a lingering feeling behind than any of the bruises.

“I should get a new one for you, right?” Steve asked. Eddie nodded, but he would’ve agreed with anything the guy said in that moment, so caught up in the darkness, the knowledge that it was only them, their world, their hurt.

Once he’d wet the new cloth, Steve pushed Eddie’s hair away from his face with the back of his fingers, holding it back there. His fingertips brushed against Eddie’s neck. He focused on that, and the split in Steve’s lip, while the man cleaned his face of blood and dirt.

Needing something to distract himself, Eddie properly assessed the marks on Steve’s face. The eyebrow split was the worst, at the edge near his eye, already swelling and causing his lid to darken. His lip was cut in two places, one in the top by the corner of his mouth, the other in the middle of his bottom lip. They were both already swollen.

His left cheek was dark and bigger than the right, but the skin was unbroken. Eddie counted that as a small blessing.

The cloth brushed over his heavily split cheek. It had only just healed from the previous beating, so Eddie hissed and turned away from it. His nose brushed Steve’s wrist.

“Sorry,” Steve whispered, “I’m done. You’re clean.”

Eddie ducked his head, tried not to whine aloud when the man withdrew his touch, “Thank you.”

It wasn’t just thanks for washing away the blood. Steve seemed to know that, as his voice was heavy when he said, “Anytime.”

They cleaned each other’s cuts, their bloodied knuckles. Cotton balls piled up, bloodied, and sticking out from the rest of the trash lining the counter with stark contrast. Steve helped remove Eddie’s rings one my one. He cleaned them in the sink with a soft touch, leaving them on the side for more attention in the daylight.

Steve pressed his fingertips into the darkness around Eddie’s ribs, confirmed they weren’t broken, but very badly bruised. Hell, the guy wasn’t even sure if they weren’t broken, but without going to a hospital they couldn’t know for sure.

Eddie applied butterfly stitches to Steve’s eyebrow. He held the man’s chin as he did it to keep his face still, thought of what it’d feel like to hold him like this in another context; a softer one. One where they weren’t coming down from the high of a fight. One where Eddie was whole, and Steve wanted him.

Moonlight hit Steve’s cheekbone. It lit the side of his face, highlighting how gaunt he looked from the mottled bruises, how his eyes were drooping, and his hair was flatter than Eddie had ever seen it. That, to Eddie, more than anything, was a sign of how far things had gone.

“Hang on.” Steve said when they were done with the obvious injuries. He sloped to the door, flipped the light switch, and both of them flinched when the room was flooded with and orange glow.

“Haven’t I suffered enough?” Eddie commented, relieved at the roll of Steve’s eyes. At least some things never changed.

“We need to check for concussions,” As he flipped the lid of the first-aid kit shut, Steve stepped into Eddie’s space, “I don’t have a torch in that one. So this’ll have to do.”

“I have torches.” Eddie argued, startled at the proximity, how the toes of Steve’s sneakers were pressed against his.

The man sighed, “It needs to be a little one,” He held his thumb and pointer finger an inch apart, “Or else you’ll end up blind.”

“If it meant I didn’t have to look at your ugly mug-”

“Okay,” Steve interrupted with a weak laugh, his chest wheezing slightly and causing him to grimace, “Just- look at me. Into my eyes.”

Eddie wasn’t sure that was a good idea. He didn’t have any energy in him, and knew he’d be absorbed by those eyes, the deep brown, the sincerity. It’d kill him.

“Come on, man-” Steve tilted his chin up with a finger- “this is the last thing.”

Eddie nodded, steeled himself, “Fine.”

For support, both emotionally and physically, Eddie clutched the counter by each hip with his hands, leaning back into it. He met Steve’s eye. The man was looking between his, gaze assessing and warm.

How close they were was suffocating- exhilarating.

Eddie pressed his lips together. It made the new cut sting, but it stopped him from saying something stupid, from doing something stupid.

“Check me, while you’re there.” Steve asked him. His mouth had ticked up at the corner, like he knew just how weird this was and how Eddie was basically vibrating with the concentration of staying still, of not swaying forward.

“What am I looking for?” Eddie’s voice was weak even by his own standards, higher than usual and strangled in a way that he could later blame on being literally strangled.

“Pupil size,” Steve told him, “Oh, also, what year is it?”

Eddie frowned, “1986?”

“You sure?” Steve chuckled at how the statement was phrased as a question.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” He could see where the man was going with this, so as he stared at whether Steve’s pupils were the same size, he asked, “Who’s the president?”

“Reagan-” Steve shrugged- “unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately is right.”

“You got a headache? Fogginess?”

Eddie hummed. He felt they could probably stop staring into each other’s eyes at this point, as Steve’s pupils were the same size, if a little wide, “Yes to both. But, in my defence, I haven’t slept and in the last 48 hours-” he clicked his tongue- “I’ve eaten some dry cereal and a slice of French toast.”

“Damn, Munson-” Steve tilted his chin up, his smile turning teasing and a little smug- “aren’t you the epitome of health.”

“Epitome is way too big a word for me, right now.” Eddie groaned. He leant more heavily on the counter, finally tore his eyes away from Steve’s. The problem was, they just dropped to his lips. Eddie blinked hard. He pulled his eyes up again.

“Oh?” Steve didn’t seem to notice, but he did look a fraction smugger than the moment before, “What about periodontist?”

“The hell is a periodontist?”

“No idea.”

Eddie couldn’t help his laugh, and instantly regretted it when his entire side burst into flames. He cupped his hand around his ribs with a groan.

After a quiet apology from Steve, silence fell between them. The man didn’t step away. With his hand still around his side, Eddie looked up at him through his bangs, felt that magnetic pull again like something cosmic.

Steve was gorgeous. With the bruises, mussed hair, split lip, and white strip bandages over his eyebrow. The orange light cast an unhealthy hue over them both, but despite it all, the grit and the ugliness, Eddie had never felt more enamoured.

Like he could read his mind, Steve swayed closer. It was as if the pull was affecting him too, sending him towards Eddie like he couldn’t control it. Like he wanted it.

Steve’s eyes dropped from Eddie’s eyes to his mouth. His tongue ran over the split on his bottom lip.

“Careful, Steve,” Eddie rubbed his thumb soothingly over his own skin, trying to ease the coil in his gut as he was about to ruin everything, “You look like you’re about to kiss me.”

Steve didn’t flinch, didn’t move, just dragged his eyes from Eddie’s lips back to his eyes, “And if I was?”

Oh shit.

“I’d say you’d get blood in your mouth.”

The words hung between them. Eddie’s mind started spewing images of how this could blow up, how Steve was close enough to hurt him, how he could have a thing for broken birds. Repair their wings so you can break them again yourself.

His heart thudded against his chest. Eddie pressed his thumb into the bruise under his hand.

“Good point,” Steve conceded, heaving a sigh, ever doing the perfect impression of a tired mother, “It can wait.”

“Wait?” Eddie blinked. Was this a joke? Was Steve fucking with him? It didn’t make much sense to save his life then break his heart, but Eddie had learnt to expect the unexpected.

Steve nodded slightly. He leant forward, put one hand on the counter by Eddie’s hip, brought the other to cover his own over his ribs. He pressed in so close the tips of their noses brushed together.

“I don’t want the first time I kiss you to hurt.” He breathed it against Eddie’s lips, voice gentle and coaxing, so different to the Steve he’d seen earlier that night.

How could the man be pure wrath, swooping in like some avenging angel, then turn into this?

Steve’s touch was featherlight. His voice was honey, dripping with candy sweetness that left Eddie feeling saturated in sugar. The tenderness of it all covered him like a blanket.

Eddie’s eyes slipped closed. He ignored the tear rolling down his cheek and tipped his head so that his forehead was again pressed against Steve’s. The contact wasn’t enough.

Keening, Eddie rolled his head, crushing their skin together like a cat edging for attention.

With a ghost of a touch, so gentle that it was maddening, Steve moved Eddie’s hand away from its grip on his torso and closed it inside his. He held it between them.

It was too good, too true, but Eddie couldn’t bring himself to end it. He couldn’t make himself say anything to push Steve away. Not when he was being this beautiful. Not when he’d saved Eddie’s life twice in the last few weeks and washed away his pain like it wasn’t a chore to do it.

Like he wanted to.

“Does it matter if it hurts?” Eddie said into the air between them, what there was of it, when the touch became so unbearably encompassing that he was finding it hard to stop himself from closing the distance.

Steve brushed his thumb over the back of Eddie’s hand, “Yeah, it does,” He pulled away slightly, just an inch, forcing Eddie to open his eyes to see the man looking at him with eyes so soft, “I’m never going to be the one to cause you pain, if I can help it.”

“Just a peck?” Eddie begged, unable to tear his eyes way from Steve’s lips, swollen and bruised, but still kissable.

Steve huffed a quiet laugh. He ducked his head, turning Eddie’s hand over in his so he could link their fingers, “It hurts to talk, right now. I don’t think I’d even be able to pucker my lips.”

Even Eddie had to face that that was a pretty essential part of kissing, chaste or no.

“Okay, then just-” he stepped into Steve’s space, their bare chests pressing together. He was mindful of the bruises. The touch was a glance, barely there but close enough to feel warmth.

Both his and Steve’s right sides of their faces were the least hurt, so Eddie leaned in. He turned his face and pressed his cheek against Steve’s.

He brought the hand not being held up to cup over the man’s ear and threaded his fingers through soft hair there. Steve sighed and pushed into the contact.

How perfect it was made Eddie’s eyes water. He closed them against it, let himself be absorbed in the contact, felt a tear fall and get trapped between their faces.

Steve must’ve felt it too. He separated their hands crushed between their stomachs and moved one to Eddie’s lower back, the other finding its way to the back of his head.

Overwhelmed with every emotion under the sun- elation, sorrow, exhaustion, anticipation- Eddie turned more so the entire right of his face was pressed into Steve’s cheek. He avoided squishing his nose, stopping when it brushed the shell of the man’s ear so that this didn’t cause hurt, because Steve didn’t want it to.

Eddie could admit to himself that he didn’t either.

It was a clinging hold. Eddie knew he was desperate, that his fingers were practically pulling at Steve’s hair, that his breaths were heavy and laboured against the light stubble of his cheek, that just a couple tears had made his face wet and his shoulders tremble.

He clutched at Steve’s shoulder with his other hand.

“Eddie,” Steve said quietly, his breath tickling over his ear, “You’re- God-”

The man turned his face too. They were nose to nose again, mouths so close, breath skating over bruises and battered lips like a song of temptation.

He’d almost broken him, Eddie could tell. If he asked again, he doubted Steve could say no, that he’d give him what he needed the most of all.

But- but Steve said he wanted it to be different. He said that Eddie shouldn’t be in pain from his touch.

Eddie wanted that more.

More than the temporary satisfaction of being wanted, than the idea that a kiss would solve all his problems of this night and make the pain go away.

Eddie wanted it to be a tangible memory, not marred by blood, and Jason, and the anger he could still feel under his skin that he was sure was still thrumming through Steve too.

“Bed,” Eddie said before he weakened completely, “Sleep. We should- sleep, bed.”

Steve nodded, causing their noses to rub together. They both flinched.

“Pain killers first-” Steve stepped away, finally, so Eddie could breathe again- “then bed.”

That was something Eddie had an abundance of, so they both shared a glass of water to take some Advil, and Steve grabbed his shirt before they both headed to the bedroom.

It was the first time Steve had been there outside of some kind of apocalypse situation. He admired the walls, the posters there, and the guitar that was gathering dust, while Eddie pulled out clothes for them to sleep in.

“Comfy shirt-” he held out a cut-off Iron Maiden shirt that was soft from over a year of wear- “or no shirt?”

Steve hummed, rubbing his chin in dramatic thought, “Depends. Think you can control yourself if I go no shirt?”

“Well,” Eddie pressed his lips together, looking Steve up and down leisurely, giddy at the fact that he could do it without fear of being seen, “I think I’d die if I tried anything, so.”

Steve sobered immediately and held out his hand for the shirt. With a little too much force, Eddie threw it at him, along with some black sweats.

Okay, maybe he was hoping to see more of Steve’s chest. Maybe he was a little disappointed. Live and let live.

With as little movement as possible, and a lot of gritting his teeth against the pain, Eddie changed into Steve’s sweatshirt- it had quickly become his favourite thing to sleep in- and some cut-off grey sweats.

The other man had the same idea to face away while changing. It was too much to ask their sleep addled brains to not look and want. They were better off removing the temptation altogether.

Succumbing to the exhaustion already, Steve and Eddie climbed into bed and laid on their backs next to each other.

Eddie stared at the ceiling. He tried to calm his heart, not think about what would come tomorrow, once they were out of the dark, and the quiet. This little world of peace and healing they’d created for themselves for the night would end as soon as the sun came up, and Eddie wasn’t ready to face it, not yet.

“I want to hold you-” Steve broke the quiet with a soft laugh- “but I have no idea how I’d do that, right now.”

Eddie could agree with that. His heartrate picked up at the admission from Steve, that he wanted Eddie close, but the excitement was tampered by the fact that everything hurt and cuddling in bed likely wasn’t going to happen.

He turned his head to find Steve already watching him. His eyes glinted in the dark.

Eddie mumbled, “That’s gay.”

Steve scoffed. It quickly descended into proper laughter, both of them struck with hysterics. This was ridiculous. This whole thing was ridiculous.

Eddie couldn’t believe any of it.

He’d been nearly beaten to death, fought two 18-year-olds with Steve Harrington of all people, and then had that same King of Hawkins High tell Eddie that he wanted to kiss him.

Ridiculous.

The laughter abated sooner than was entirely cleansing, pain in both of their torsos causing them to stop. The burst of joy was welcome, though, no matter how brief.

“Turn on your side.” Eddie told the man, while doing the same. His ribs hurt with the pressure of the mattress, but everything did, and they weren’t broken so he wouldn’t cause more damage.

Steve turned, met Eddie’s eyes as their heads ended up on the edge of each of their pillows.

“Hey.”

Eddie smiled, “Hey. You come here often?”

“First time, actually.” Steve wiggled his head, creating an indent of comfort in his pillow.

It was a sweet moment, one Eddie was so reluctant to sour, but knew he had to. This was always how it was with him. Every good thing came with a kick to the gut. An unavoidable blackness that swallowed all the light.

“Steve,” Eddie pushed his hand into the space between them, let out a breath when Steve pressed his fingertips against his own, “You know- you know they’re going to come for me, right?”

The room filled with Steve’s sigh, “Yeah, I know.”

“I provoked them-” Eddie continued, bearing his true colours. Part of him hoped the man would accept them, love him anyway. The monster in him wanted it to cause him to run- “said some shit about Chrissy. Jason, he’s going to kill me-”

“Eddie-”

“You can’t swoop in and save me every time. He’s got to catch me alone at some point, then-” Eddie swallowed, stared into the darkness until the outline of their hands became visible- “Eddie the Banished will become Eddie the Beaten to Death. Maybe it’d be-” his breath stuttered, eyes welling up again for what he wanted to say- “maybe it’d be better if you just-”

“If I what?”

Eddie looked up at the hardness of Steve’s voice. His mouth was pressed into a thin line, the bruising around his left eye causing his frown to look impossibly deeper.

“Let them.”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

The venom in the statement made Eddie avert his eyes. He knew it wasn’t directed at him, exactly, but it made the red thing cheer in victory at having pushed the softness out of Steve.

“Eddie, look at me,” Steve said, but Eddie couldn’t make himself do it, couldn’t bare to see that anger directed at him again. It was jarring, the fear, considering the glimmer of rage was all he’d been tempting for months, “Shit, fine. Just listen then,” Steve took in a breath, “I’m never going to just leave you. It’s not an option. Not for me, not for anyone who knows you.”

“But-”

“No 'but's,” Steve interrupted, “We’ll figure this out. Together.”

“You and me?” Eddie finally looked up from their hands, met Steve’s eye, felt himself relax at the fact that the rage was gone. It was replaced with that warmth. That goddamn warmth under fanning eyelashes, soft despite the battered state of his face.

“You and me-” Steve shrugged one shoulder, awkwardly considering their position- “and everyone else.”

Everyone else. The sweeping statement made heat rush to Eddie’s face. The assumption Steve had that everyone they knew would band together to help him, when it was his own stupid fault that he was in this position- it felt good. It felt safe.

It felt dangerous.

“Okay.” Eddie agreed.

He was tired, exhausted, and arguing over whether everyone should care about him or not was useless. Steve had made up his mind. He’d convinced himself Eddie was worth it, and he was usually right, about most things.

It was hard to believe it. Eddie was still so sure, so damaged, something in him shying away from the affection and telling him, he's wrong.

Some broken things can’t be fixed.

With the tips of their fingers still linked together, Steve’s eyes drifted shut and Eddie watched. He watched the man’s breaths even out. He squeezed his fingers together to feel the press of the man’s knuckles against his own.

There, in that moment, Eddie allowed himself solace.

The privacy of their hurt, of their care, of Steve and Eddie together; it was enough for one night.

If it ended tomorrow, then Eddie would be okay with that. Or, he'd make peace with it eventually, like he'd had to every other time the world or people he cared about rejected him.

He just hoped he could taste Steve before it was over.

Chapter Text

The night was broken into pieces. When one of them woke, the other stirred too, leading to them both stumbling to the kitchen to take more painkillers or briefly eat some cereal straight from the box.

It was a half-awake pursuit.

Steve leant on Eddie heavily, or the other way around, as they sleepily satiated themselves before falling back into bed.

The memories of those moments were a blur when Eddie stirred come morning. He blinked at the light filtering in through his thin blind and reached over the comforter to find Steve. Just to touch him, feel the material of the shirt under his hand, or the warm skin of his arm.

His hand hit mattress.

Eddie opened his eyes to find Steve gone. The comforter was thrown back, the other side of the bed empty, and immediately his mind provided the thought ‘of course’.

Of course, Steve would leave. Of course, he would decide that Eddie was too much trouble, a storm versus a summer breeze, and disappear from his life like he’d never been there.

Something clattered in the other room, followed by a muttered curse.

“Steve?” Eddie lifted his head slightly, widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows like it’d stop his head from swimming.

Another clatter, “Hey! Grubs up, sleepyhead, if you feel like joining me out here.”

Dropping back down from his wild assumptions was jarring. Eddie swung out of bed with too much force, swayed on his feet, and headed to the kitchen with urgency he already found embarrassing in hindsight.

He just had to see it for himself. Know that it was real, that Steve was here, that last night and its half confessions weren’t something his post-beating haze brought on to give him comfort.

It’d be an elaborate fantasy. Eddie had always had an amazing imagination, though, so he wouldn’t put it past himself.

The kitchen was basically sparkling when he entered it. He stumbled slightly, frowning at the place, unsure if he even recognised it without its usual clutter.

No empty beer bottles, no bloody cotton wool balls, no takeout menus littering the counter, and a full hamper of clothes that were originally scattered on chairs, the floor, and the couch.

“You cleaned.” Eddie pointed out like Steve wouldn’t know. The man himself was standing over the stove, and the smell of eggs filled the small space like something intoxicating.

Steve met Eddie’s eye with a small smile. It was likely so small because of the swelling around his mouth, his left eye now puffy at the top too, the butterfly stitches standing out in stark contrast to the purpling skin.

“I- uh- I get kind of restless, sometimes,” Steve shrugged. He pushed a spatula around the pan with his eyes downcast, “Cleaning helps. And your place needed a heavy hand.”

“Alright, rude.” Eddie chuckled. He wandered to Steve’s side, unsure what to do with himself, with his hands. It felt natural to put his arms around the man’s waist. Maybe kiss the skin showing on Steve’s shoulder above the collar of Eddie’s shirt.

Eddie’s shirt. That was a sight he hadn’t appreciated until now.

He leant his hip against the counter. The material was bagging on the front since Steve was leaning his lower stomach against the knobs of the stove, and that glorious, distracting chest was visible in shadow.

The charcoal colour of the shirt made the warmth of Steve’s skin glow brighter, and Eddie made a mental note to tell him to wear more dark clothes. It suited him.

Eddie might’ve been biased.

“You’ve got a staring problem.” Steve said to the eggs, the corner of his mouth ticked up in a smirk.

Eddie immediately averted his eyes, “Sorry.”

“I didn’t say I minded.”

There was that honey again, the molasses of Steve’s voice seeping into the air around them and making Eddie ready to crumble under the weight of it. The man abandoned the eggs, moving them off the heat.

With a slow look up and down Eddie’s body, Steve stepped into his space and turned him with a hand on each him. With his back pressed into the counter, Eddie met the touch by putting his arms over Steve’s shoulders.

With the tip of his thumb, he brushed over the lump on the man’s eyebrow.

“What was it you said that night-” Steve closed his eyes, tipped his head into Eddie’s hand when he cupped his cheek- “am I still pretty?”

Eddie sighed, “So pretty. Breath taking, really.”

Steve laughed like he was joking, and Eddie supposed it was said like some sarcastic comment, but he meant it. He wasn’t sure what would have to happen for him to no longer think Steve looked incredible no matter what.

Every version of the man he’d seen so far was beautiful.

“And metal?” Steve asked with a shimmy of his shoulders that bumped their torsos together with how close they were standing.

“Oh, yeah-” Eddie nodded- “you’re more metal than Ozzy himself now, man. You earned it.”

“More metal than Ozzy?” Steve gasped, pinched Eddie’s hip where the sweatshirt had shifted up, “Don’t say things you don’t mean to flatter me, Eddie. There’re other ways to get in my pants.”

“And those are?”

Steve hummed, eyes drifting to his lips as he tilted his head back slightly, “You could eat three meals a day.”

“Yikes,” Eddie clicked his tongue, “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Then no Stevie lovin’ for you.”

He couldn’t help his laugh, “Stevie lovin’? Jesus, maybe you are concussed. Seeming suspiciously loopy, Harrington.”

“Not even on a first name basis after getting in a fight for you?” He received a disappointed look, a shake of Steve’s head, “What does a guy have to do?”

“Kiss me?”

The words came out without consulting with Eddie’s head first. It sounded desperate, needy, like he was a blushing virgin hoping to get a sloppy smooch at a goddamn middle school dance.

The hum of the generator filled Eddie’s ears. The trailer was cold, causing goosepimples to rise over his arms and the back of his neck. He seeped warmth from the man holding him and fell down the rabbit hole of self-doubt.

Steve broke his train of thought with a heavy breath, “Trying to get me to break my word. Dirty moves, man. Dirty moves.”

“Worth a try.” Eddie laughed, trying to brush away the hurt that had swelled in his chest unbidden.

“How about this,” Steve said, his voice shifting into that softness, the blanket of comfort he somehow managed to drip into every word, “Hold still.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows. Demanding, he wanted to say, but instead followed the instruction and didn’t move an inch.

Steve lifted one hand off Eddie’s hip and pressed the fingertips to his own lips. The man wasn’t kidding when he said he couldn’t pucker his lips. He kept them in their calm smile as he moved his hand and pressed those same fingertips over Eddie’s mouth.

Unable to stop himself, Eddie kissed Steve’s fingers. He heard the man’s breath stutter. Saw it in his chest.

“Better?” Steve asked once the hand had returned to Eddie’s hip.

All he could do was nod.

They stared at each other, the eggs forgotten and going cold. There wasn’t room for anything else in Eddie’s head aside from cataloguing every feature of Steve’s face.

The curve of his upper lip, the divot of his chin, the shadows of his lashes over his cheeks as light bled through the window behind them.

Eddie linked his arms over the man’s shoulders to bring him closer. He cursed the material of the sweatshirt for keeping him from feeling the skin on the back of Steve’s neck.

“We need to eat.” Steve murmured, hands slipping around to Eddie’s lower back.

“You need to eat,” Eddie corrected, “I need to stay right here.”

“Sap.”

“Asshole.”

They both grinned, matching grimaces when it caused their battered faces to throb.

There was a loud banging on the door that made Eddie physically jump. He ended up tugging on Steve’s neck and nearly knocked their heads together.

Someone shouted, “Open up, idiots!”

“Max?” Steve frowned at Eddie, not even bothering to look over his shoulder at the door, unmoving from his place pressed against his front.

“Sounds like it.”

The realisation dropped over them both at the same time.

The radio, Eddie’s plea; everyone will have heard it. Everyone with a radio, which included Max, who was now banging down the door. God, Eddie had been hoping to ignore it until she went away.

But he couldn’t do that, not after what she’d likely heard.

Steve stepped back after another moment. He gave Eddie a gentle smile, then they both headed over, swung the door open to see Max-

-and everyone else.

The girl grinned at them, eyes flicking between them, then it grew, and her eyes glittered with mischief. Behind her were Dustin and Lucas, and behind them was, well, everyone.

“Hello,” Steve waved dumbly, leaning over Eddie’s shoulder at the crowd outside the trailer door, “Fancy seeing you guys here.”

“Enough niceties-” Max nodded behind them- “you going to let us in?”

Eddie counted them all, “Will you even fit?”

“We’ll squeeze.” Dustin answered.

They all pushed past Steve and Eddie, who shared a confused look, and made themselves at home in the living space that could comfortably fit give people, at most.

El, Dustin, Lucas, Max, Nancy, Jonathan, Mike, Will, and Robin, all somehow fit themselves in. The only person missing was Erica, but Eddie was almost thankful since the girl would’ve had to sit on top of the fridge or something to not get busted out the door.

Robin hopped up on the counter and picked up the pan of abandoned eggs.

“No breakfast for the rest of us?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” Steve asked her.

She winked at him, “Called in sick.”

Eddie took the pan away from her with a scowl, “Only invited guests get food.”

She shrugged, giving him a grin that wavered slightly at the edge. Her worry made him antsy.

To do something with his hands, which involved a lot more manoeuvring than usual considering the crowd, Eddie grabbed a fork from a drawer.

“Injured parties get the couch-” Steve waved a hand to get Dustin and Lucas to get up- “Scoot.”

They both moved without protest, wide eyes looking back and forth between the bruised men like they were going to fall apart if they stood up too long.

Eddie took his seat and let out a breath as he felt the press of Steve’s leg against his when he sat too. He pushed the eggs around the pan with his fork.

“So, what are you doing here?” He asked them all. They shared looks, like all of them could communicate without speaking, which was creepy.

It was too early in the morning for this. Eddie, who usually thrived in situations where he had multiple people to bother, melted into the couch cushion and only half listened as everyone started speaking at once.

“We heard what happened-”

“They can’t keep doing this-”

“We need a plan to-”

“Everyone wants to help to stop-”

“Did you win?”

Eddie raised his eyebrows at Max’s question. She shrugged with her arms crossed where she leant against the wall by the door.

“I’d say it was an even match,” Eddie answered, tilting his head, “but once Steve got the bat out-”

“Don’t tell them about the-” Steve grumbled, but Dustin and Lucas were already talking over each other.

“You got the bat out!”

“You were going to beat them with a bat?!”

Nancy spoke up, a gentle crease between her brows, “Was it the nail bat?”

“Nail bat?” Eddie turned to Steve with a scoop of eggs frozen halfway to his mouth.

The man opened and closed his mouth a few times, eyes wide, “It was- it was for the Demogorgan.”

“Demogorgan-” Eddie repeated blandly. He was sure he’d heard that story- why these idiots used D&D names for literally everything- but all the background on the Upside Down stuff had gone in one ear and out of the other all those months ago- “Jesus, I’m not going down that road.”

“It wasn’t the nail bat,” Steve assured Nancy, “I’m not after a murder charge, but anyway- one at a time, what are you doing here?”

Max answered, “Brainstorming stage, obviously.”

Jonathan, who was leant against the counter behind Nancy’s shoulder, nodded his head, “I updated them all when we left you. Max let us know you got home safe-”

With a wave of her hand, Robin said, “I wanted to come right over, along with basically everyone else-”

“I told them to meet me here this morning,” Max interjected, “To let you sleep.”

Steve tipped his head at her, “Thanks. I know how you all like to storm in-”

“Eddie got attacked,” Dustin said firmly, loud enough that they all stared at him in vague shock, “Jonathan said you two were backed into a corner when he and Hopper got there, and you were covered in blood.”

Mike nodded, crushed into Will’s side in the hallway to the bedroom, “It didn’t sound good. It doesn’t look good.” He gestured to their obviously beaten states.

“We were worried.” Lucas shrugged softly. His sad eyes were too earnest and too much, so Eddie stared at the pan he was clutching in a white knuckled grip.

El, who’d been silently observing them all with a thin mouth, spoke up, “We work together to solve problems. That is why we are here.”

God, Eddie could feel himself tearing up.

That moment, when you’re close to a breakdown, and someone asks how you are? That was what Eddie was feeling. It’d take one more sincere comment to make him completely crumble. He felt the sudden urge to run, hide, throw vicious words at them all until they left him alone.

“Here.” Robin appeared in front of him, took the pan silently and backed away to the counter again. He clenched his hands into fists. The burn of the broken skin on his knuckles calmed the beating of his heart.

“So, any ideas?” Steve asked the room. He put his hand over both of Eddie’s without looking, like he knew what was going through his head, like he knew, period.

The touch leaked calm into him. It wasn’t the same, not as the pain. Steve’s hand didn’t startle him back to reality and ground him with a physical sensation that couldn’t be ignored, but Eddie was thankful for it anyway.

He turned his hand over. They didn’t link fingers, too obvious and romantic in a room full of people, but Steve enclosed one of Eddie’s hands in his, the skin of his palm pressing into the end knuckles of his fingers.

“We need a buddy system,” Will offered, eyes glancing at Steve and Eddie before darting away to address the rest of them, “Eddie shouldn’t be alone until we’ve got them to back off.”

Dustin nodded, “That’s a temporary fix, I guess.”

“But they beat up Steve,” Lucas waved a hand at the man, “They could do the same to any of us.”

Steve raised a hand like he was in class, “I threw the first punch. If you guys- uh- avoid doing that? I doubt he’d pummel you in public.”

“No promises.” Nancy muttered, at the same time as Mike saying- “Why?”

“Why did I hit first?” Steve screwed his face up, as much as he could with the swelling, Eddie supposed, “I don’t know, Wheeler, maybe because I was pissed? Maybe because I pulled up to find Jason over a beaten Eddie Munson and saw red? Are you kidding?”

“Alright, fair enough.” Mike shrunk in on himself at the answer while Eddie preened.

“Knight in shining armour.” He murmured, quietly enough that hopefully only Steve could hear. The look he got in return was some mix between exasperated and amused. Eddie could deal with that.

Nancy cleared her throat, “Okay, so buddy system for now. We can sort shifts, I suppose, whenever we aren’t working-” she gestured between herself, Robin, Jonathan, and Steve- “and the rest of you can take the times we can’t.”

“Agreed.” Robin said.

“Sounds good,” Lucas nodded, “And for the actual problem solving?”

“What about Owens?” Mike directed the question at El, “He sorted your birth certificate and stuff, right? Maybe he could, like, make Jason disappear.”

Eddie saw a very obvious problem with that, “One, I don’t know who this Owens guy is, but he sounds fucking terrifying. And two? That leaves Chance and Andy. They’d still be gunning for me.”

A few agreeing sounds filled the room, followed by Dustin clicking his fingers, “We could get a restraining order.”

“If they don’t care about murder, they won’t care about some stupid restraining order, dumbass.” Max smacked him upside the head. He rubbed the spot she hit with his mouth wide open in offence.

“I say we kill them,” Robin said from her perch on the counter, inspecting her nails. When everyone went silent and stared at her, she raised her eyes and gave them a bland look, “What? Like we weren’t all thinking it?”

Nancy gave the girl an amused smile, “As much as that idea does sound appealing?” Damn, Wheeler, Eddie thought, that’s some dedicated friendship, “Planning a murder probably complicates the issue. Especially a triple murder.”

Steve’s hand was still over Eddie’s. He started rubbing his thumb over his skin, the touch leaving a burning trail that had static filling Eddie’s head.

The group kept throwing ideas at each other. The volume rose, Eddie’s headache grew, and he pulled his hand away from Steve’s so he could lean forward with his elbows on his thighs. He buried his head in his hands and pulled at his bangs with the tips of his fingers.

“What if-” El’s eyes flitted between them all as Eddie lifted his head to look at her. The gaze nervous but intent- “what if we scare them?”

“Scare them?” Eddie frowned at the girl. She nodded firmly.

“They think Eddie is a cult leader,” She turned her gaze to Max, always wanting reassurance from the other girl when there were too many people. Cute, “What if we make that true?”

Max smiled reassuringly, “Make them think he can hurt them.”

“How can I be scarier than they already think I am?” Eddie couldn’t picture it, couldn’t imagine anything that would put Jason off, “They saw their friend float in the air and get his bones popped without me doing anything.”

El widened her eyes meaningfully, “Because, what if it wasn’t just you?”

“What are you thinking?” Steve asked her, frown just as confused as Eddie’s.

Mike had clearly caught on, saying with a gasp, “We could all be there-”

“If El does her thing-” Will looked veritably giddy, his face lit up with inspiration as he met Mike’s eye. The other boy nodded at him with a rapidly widening smile.

Dustin pointed with a laugh- “and it wouldn’t look like it was her-”

“Oh!” Lucas waved both arms, smile huge and a little hysterical, “That’s awesome! That’d totally work. If it wasn’t just Eddie-”

“If it wasn’t just Eddie-” Max smirked, directing her gaze to him with fire in her eyes- “then they wouldn’t go near him.”

Eddie looked between them all. The ease with which they all spoke over each other and understood what was being said made him startingly aware of how new he was. Not part of the group, not in on the joke. An outsider even among other outsiders.

He pushed the feeling down, “What are we talking about right now?”

“The Hellfire Club.” The kids all said in freaky unison, like that clarified literally anything.

He shared a look with Steve. The man looked back at him with raised eyebrows, as if to say, ‘they’re your kids when they’re being weird’. It comforted him that someone who’d been there since the beginning didn’t get it either.

“The Hellfire Club,” Nancy said suddenly, her eyes wide with understanding as the cogs audibly whirred in her head, “That’s good. That could work.”

“Clue me in, guys,” Eddie held his arms wide out to his side, tilting his head, “What are you suggesting, here?”

The ones who understood all looked at each other, vibrating with poorly concealed glee at finally having something to work with.

It took a few minutes to explain to him what they meant. The idea was stupid, theatrical, and exactly the kind of thing Eddie could sink his teeth into and focus on instead of whatever was going on inside his head most days.

He didn’t know if it would work. Hell, it probably wouldn’t. There were so many things that could go wrong, so many ways it could get out of hand or be completely unbelievable.

But it was something.

Being surrounded by these people, his friends, that were willing to do whatever it took to keep him safe, was overwhelming and warm.

A couple hours- and some frozen pizzas and fries- later, they had a well formulated plan. Eddie was asked if he’d need a script, to write anything down, but he just arranged some physical cues with El and told them to trust his ability to perform.

It was one thing he absolutely knew he could do. If there was a stage for him to get on, some character to play or speech to give, Eddie would give it his all and sell it to whoever his audience was. He had this.

As the others got ready to leave, they decided who was going to stay with him that night.

“I’ll stay.” Steve and Dustin said at the same time. They looked at each other with competitive frowns, like they were about the measure who cared about Eddie more and deserved to watch over him.

It was sweet. The clear lo- fondness- they had for him felt like the glow of a sunset on Eddie’s skin.

“You’re nearly as injured as him, Steve,” Dustin pointed out with his arms crossed, eyebrows raised like the smug little bastard he was, “You’re not going to be able to do much defending of the fort.”

Steve scoffed, “And you are? You’re fifteen with the fitness of an 80-year-old.”

“Hey-” Dustin gaped, puffing his chest up as if preparing himself for a long debate.

Eddie was about to say something when Robin put a hand on the boy’s shoulder with a melodramatic sigh.

“You’re very strong,” She said reassuringly, but voice dripping with condescension, “You can both stay. Power in numbers, right?”

Dustin nodded, “Fine.”

“Fine,” Steve waved a dismissive hand, sinking back into the couch and bringing his and Eddie’s shoulders together, “The twerp can stay.”

“Oh, thank you for your permission, Steve,” Dustin leaned forward, giving the man the smarmiest look that he could muster, “Thank God, you let me stay somewhere that isn’t your house.”

Eddie covered his mouth to hide his laugh. It didn’t work, earning him a glare from the man next to him.

He held his hands up in surrender, “I’m just here to be protected, don’t look at me.”

“You’re the worst.”

The words were mocking, entirely untrue, but Eddie couldn’t help but mentally agree.

*

Once everyone had left, with parting words and a few too many hugs for Eddie’s battered body, he felt himself deflate. All his energy leaked out of him.

With so many conflicting voices and loud planning, it had been too easy to forget himself and who he was, forget that he was the one making all their lives difficult. That he was a burden. A nuisance. Something they’d learn if the plan didn’t work, and they still had to look out for him constantly.

Steve had gone to the shower first. He’d insisted that they both did so, and reluctantly agreed to take his turn before Eddie when he saw the significant look that he shot him.

For the last half hour, Dustin had been anxiously bouncing on his toes, wandering around the place, moving things, and then moving them back like he couldn’t control himself. The kid needed a talk. He needed to talk to Eddie.

As much as he’d have liked to go to sleep and pretend this day never happened, that he’d been left to his devices and succumbed to his injuries, Eddie couldn’t turn off the care he had for the kid.

Once the shower started running, Dustin was talking a mile a minute.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” He pulled his backpack from by the door, started messing with the zipper and pulling tapes out on his knees, “I brought The Goonies, Little Shop of Horrors- I don’t know if they’re your thing- and Star Wars: A New Hope-” Dustin smacked the tape onto the table and Eddie flinched at the force- “I thought we could watch all of them eventually, and-”

Eddie crouched beside him, “Woah, kid, slow down-”

“Movies make me feel good, after-” Dustin wouldn’t look at him, straightening the tapes over again with shaking hands- “you know, the bad stuff. The- uh- Upside Down stuff. I thought it’d help you too, you know? Like- distract you, or something.”

“Henderson.” Eddie said, concerned about the rapid speed the kid was talking and the way his breath had started hitching.

Dustin continued, “It’s good, you know? You get to be in another world, for a while- not- not like, another world in a scary way, but in an escape way. I just- it seemed like a good idea before I biked over here and I thought it’d help, you know? So, we can do that, then-”

“Dustin,” Eddie stopped the rant with a firm hand on the boy’s shoulder. He felt the tremor there, knew how it felt to be sure that if you stopped talking, your emotions would get the better of you, “Take a fucking breath, kid. Jesus.”

Dustin did, his chest heaving then dropping again. He looked up at Eddie. His eyes were shining, either with unshed tears, or from the glare of the shadeless light above them. It buzzed as the room fell silent.

“Are you going to disappear again?” The kid asked Eddie suddenly. He blinked, unable to find where that train of thought came from.

“Disappear?”

Dustin nodded, “You-” he sighed, eyes darting to the side before returning to Eddie’s face, a firm set to his mouth- “over the summer, we hung out all the time. Then- then when we started school again, it’s like you ran away-”

God, Eddie had been so sure no one would realise, or care. He should’ve known Dustin, smart as he was, would notice.

The boy was on a roll- “and you never answered my calls. If you did, it was like you weren’t really there. I just-” he ducked his head- “is this thing with Jason going to make it happen?”

Eddie hoped not. It wasn’t something he’d consciously decided to do, to disappear, to start fielding calls. He hadn’t planned to completely cut himself off from everyone and only appear at the odd event to make sure they were alright, when he couldn’t resist seeing their faces, or hearing their voices.

There seemed to be more to lose now. He hadn’t thought they were invested before. Yeah, Eddie’s funny, he’s good to hang out with then forget about once the moment is over. Being a permanent fixture was a surprise to him.

He doubted he’d survive severing the string connecting him to all of them now.

“I’m not going to disappear,” Eddie didn’t bother denying doing it the first time. He dropped to sit on the floor, and watched Dustin mirror him, “I’m- uh- sorry I did it the first time.”

“Was it something we did?”

Eddie’s heart clenched, “No, Henderson. It was all me.”

“Why?” Dustin’s eyes were still shining, like a warning to Eddie that what he said next could push the boy over the edge. The kid deserved honesty, though. He steeled himself.

“I’d been feeling a little weird,” He tipped his head to the side, “I am feeling a little weird, I guess. Trying to be better with it.”

“Weird how?”

“You wanna go down that hill, Henderson?” Eddie dropped his voice into a menacing growl, “Dark monsters lurk where the mind festers.”

Dustin shoved his shoulder lightly, startling a laugh out of him, “Yes, I’m sure. I want to help.”

“Cute,” Eddie pulled his knees up and put his palms flat over them so that he wasn’t tempted to bother the scabs on his knuckles again, “I felt numb, okay? Complete static up here,” He tapped a fingertip to his temple, “Started doing stupid shit to feel normal. Being cruel, starting fights-”

“The bruises at bowling?”

“Yeah,” Eddie bit at his lip, his eyes slipping to the wall behind the kid in front of him, “That was Andy and Chance. No awards for guessing that, but- uh- yeah, that was part of the stupid shit.”

Dustin nodded, taking it in with a twist to his mouth and a crease between his brows. He was formulating a plan. Eddie could tell.

There didn’t need to be a plan. This was his thing, his head, and he had it under wraps. Or, at least, he’d had the revelation when Jason was bashing his face in that he- drum roll please- wanted to live.

Eddie wanted to see the kids graduate. He wanted to finish Will’s campaign and go to the drive-in with Robin once a month. He wanted to bother her and Steve at family video when he could, give the kids rides to where they wanted to go as an excuse to hang out with them.

He wanted Steve. To finally kiss him, touch him, tell him all the mushy and caramel filled shit that the man made him feel whenever he was by his side.

“What if we-” Dustin started, but Eddie cut him off with a raised hand.

“We-” he said, moving his hand in a round gesture to encompass everyone who’d been there that day- “are doing enough. My head is my problem, kid. You don’t have to fix me.”

The boy whined, “But I want to help.”

“You are helping,” Eddie insisted, nudging Dustin’s hip with the side of his foot, “Just by being here. Nancy said something to me a while ago about keeping people around, and how they help, and that girl is smarter than we give her credit for.”

Dustin scoffed with a roll of his eyes, “We give her a lot of credit for being smart.”

“True,” Eddie conceded with a dip of his head, “But she’s even smarter than that. Hanging out with you guys, and having those little moments between the shit that goes on in my head? It’s pretty fucking helpful.”

“Okay,” Dustin said after the hum of the light filled a respite of silence, “I do have some advice, though. If you’re feeling- you know- then just count three things that make you happy. They have to be different every time, though,” He pointed a threatening finger that Eddie went cross-eyed to look at, “And if you ever need me- for anything-”

“I’ll call.” Eddie lied and grabbed the boy’s finger with his whole hand. He pulled it forward with his mouth open as if he was going to take a bite out of the digit.

With an affronted yell, Dustin pulled it out of his grasp. Eddie flopped to the floor is if the momentum sent him backwards and spread his arms and legs out like a starfish.

“Can’t believe you made me talk about emotions, man,” He shook his head with a sigh, staring at the dull yellow of the ceiling, the darker patch where Chrissy- “after all I’ve been through.” He started listing on his fingers, “Being beaten up, having to hang out with Harrington, having my home invaded by the Band of Buttheads-”

Dustin interjected, his voice ten shades lighter, “Oh, yeah, we should talk about that, by the way.”

Eddie raised his head to give the kid a blank stare, “Talk about what?”

“Steve.” The kid answered with a wiggle of his eyebrows. When Eddie said he noticed stuff, he meant it.

“What about Steve?”

It was easier to play dumb, drop his head back down and make Dustin drag it out from between his teeth kicking and screaming.

The thing was, Eddie didn’t know what was going on with Steve. They hadn’t even kissed.

Yet, his brain greedily added.

Dustin kicked his foot, “You know what I mean. You go all goo-goo-eyed around him-”

“Goo-goo-eyed?” Eddie repeated with a frown.

“-you’re wearing each other’s clothes, and you were basically holding hands earlier.”

Play dumb, play dumb, “’Basically’ being the operative word there, Henderson.”

“So, that isn’t Steve’s favourite sweater you’re wearing?”

Eddie shot up to sitting, “It’s his favourite?”

He received a smug look in return, a raise of Dustin’s eyebrows. They stared each other down, Eddie glaring, schooling his face but knowing that the blush on his cheeks would be visible from space.

It’s his favourite. He gave me his favourite sweater. I’m going to marry him.

“Fuck, fine.” Eddie hissed, “There may be some-” he dipped his head side-to-side while doing the same with his hand- “tension.”

“Tension.” Dustin repeated, nodding with wide eyes.

“You can’t tell anyone, though,” Eddie warned him, no humour in his voice and giving the boy a stern look, “We haven’t talked properly about it.”

Dustin gasped, “I would never. Not if you guys weren’t ready for it,” He held a hand to his heart, “I swear. He’s had a crush on you for months, so that talk will probably end well.”

“Months?” Eddie asked, brows up to his hairline.

“Well, he only told me like over a week ago,” Dustin shrugged, “But yeah, months, definitely. I’m sure of it.”

“You, Dustin Henderson, are the best.”

He received a knowing look, “You’re going to hold this over his head, aren’t you?”

Eddie laughed, “God, yes.”

Like fate herself had summoned him, the shower had shut off, and Steve exited the bathroom with a towel round his waist, steam following him like a shadow.

Eddie and Dustin flipped their heads to look at him with wide eyes.

“They’re not that bad.” Steve said, gesturing to his torso that had a few purpling bruises littering it. That meant there was free rein to look.

Leisurely, and with a tilt to his head, Eddie stared at Steve’s chest, at the hair that went down until it disappeared in a trail into the edge of the towel.

Eternally thankful for the man’s ability to connect dots that weren’t there, Eddie acted like they hadn’t been caught gossiping and hissed a breath through his teeth.

“You look like a kid has coloured you in, there, Stevie.”

Steve looked down at his torso with a frown. His hair dripped, “Talented kid to get all the shading.”

A laugh burst out of Eddie, drawing concerned looks from both other parties in the room. He quickly tampered it down and pulled a piece of hair in front of his mouth.

Steve had a crush on me for months, he thought, unable to stop the statement from repeating on a loop in his mind.

The thrill it sent through him was so relieving against the exhaustion of the day, of the night before, and he welcomed it despite the shade of embarrassment the outburst caused.

“Your turn, dude.” Steve pointed a thumb over his shoulder. He was either ignoring the weird energy in the room or had missed it entirely, “I’m not sharing the bed with you if you stink.”

“There are children here,” Eddie reached to cover Dustin’s ears with a gasp, “Do not talk about his parents’ sex life in front of him.”

Steve’s eyes widened a fraction at the fact that Dustin had sussed, but he recovered quickly. With a smirk and a wiggle of his eyebrows, he teased, “Maybe if you’re a good boy and get all clean, I’ll give you a treat later.”

“Oh my God.” Dustin shoved Eddie away from him, easily considering his limbs weren’t responding anymore, making gagging noises as he did, “Is this what it’s going to be like? You two being lovey-dovey?”

Eddie shoved his head, “First ‘goo-goo-eyes’, now ‘lovey-dovey’? Henderson, you’re killing me here.”

At being shoved, the kid’s eyes hardened, and Eddie knew what was coming next. He braced himself.

Dustin tackled him and they tussled on the floor, shoving and slapping without any real heat. He got the kid in a headlock, both laid on their backs.

Dustin dug his elbow into Eddie’s side until he yelped in pain.

“Oh, God,” Dustin leapt away from him with wide eyes, “I’m sorry- I’m so sorry- I forg-”

He cut himself off as Eddie laughed. Gullible little shit. The laughter hurt his body more than anything the boy did, but his face. Eddie couldn’t contain it.

He heaved in a breath and nearly choked on more giggles, “You sucker.”

“How am I a sucker for caring about you, asshole!”

Steve was still watching, leant against the wall by the bathroom door with an enigmatic smile on his face. Despite the distance, Eddie could see how his eyes were lit up when he propped himself up on his elbows.

“Shower,” Steve said, straightening, “Or no treat.”

“You were serious about that?” Eddie’s mind provided many, many images of what that could be. Actions, positions, getting the brush the guy’s hair, maybe. Sue him, it was unbearably soft and seemed like it’d be soothing to comb through.

Steve shrugged, “You’ll see after you get the blood out of your hair.”

It was pretty crusty, Eddie had to admit. He ran his fingers through the strands over his shoulder and grimaced when his fingers got stuck in a clump bound together by his own blood and spit.

As he rinsed himself down and let the pain wash away with it, Eddie felt the coil of anxiety about the days to come grow in his gut.

He closed his eyes against the spray. The idea of using Dustin’s advice seemed stupid, ridiculous to do just because he was overwhelmed with the idea of confronting Jason and accepting his friends’ help.

He did it anyway.

“One,” He murmured into the water, “Dustin’s laughter. Two, Nancy and Robin wanting to kill Jason,” Eddie smirked to himself at the memory, “Three, Steve’s smile.”

As he went through the motions of washing himself, nose filling with steam and head clearing, Eddie repeated the list to himself. Over and over in his head, he battled the black hole with thoughts of the people he cared about. The people who cared about him.

Dustin’s laughter.

Nancy and Robin wanting to kill Jason.

Steve’s smile.

Eddie wiped his hand through the condensation of the mirror and swallowed at the sight of his battered face. Worse than last time, but because he fought.

Dustin, Nancy, Robin, Steve.

He hovered a hand over the dark bruise by his hip. Met the eyes of his reflection.

Eddie clenched his jaw and grabbed his toothbrush instead.

Despite the nerves bubbling in him about what they all had planned, Eddie could admit he was partly looking forward to it.

A final show.

The last hurrah of his place as king of the Hellfire Club.

For once, he hoped he’d get through it. That he’d come out the other side and continue building a silly little life for himself, one with meaning.

Chapter Text

October 30^th 9:30pm

The sun had set around the trailer. The room glowed amber under the ceiling light, burning into each of them as they prepared themselves for the night.

Earlier, El had done her trick with the white noise and blindfold (Eddie was still madly impressed) and found where Jason and his cronies were hanging out for the night.

They were at a park on the other side of town. It was unused, abandoned, surrounded by woods on one side, and the burned husk of the old Starcourt mall on the other. She’d said they seemed like they weren’t going anywhere. Drinking, plotting, being general assholes.

The girl hadn’t said the last part. It was implied, everyone in general agreement that anything the boys did was some form of assholery.

Eddie pulled on his battle armour. He’d forgone the usual vest on top of his trusty leather jacket, lending it to Steve to complete the guy’s look.

It was funny, seeing them all like this.

Steve, El, Mike, Will, and Robin were getting ready in Eddie’s trailer. They’d borrowed some of or each other’s clothes or accessories to give the cult vibe. All black, some chains or necklaces, along with whatever dark trousers they had themselves.

Steve was wearing the same shirt from a few days before. His bruises were fading into the greenish colour that meant they were healing, his swelling nearly completely gone. The vest looked as good on him as Eddie remembered.

He wanted to tell the man as much, but they weren’t alone.

They hadn’t been alone at all since that night.

“Did we do good?” Robin asked, fixing the collar of El’s leather jacket that sat an inch away from her shoulders with its stiff material. He tore his gaze away from the line of Steve’s shoulders as the man fiddled with his hair in the window reflection.

Eddie found the image a little funny, but the grunge look suited the girl, “Oh, yeah. It’s a look, kid.”

“Bitchin’?” El asked him with a small smile.

“Bitchin’.” Eddie agreed with a ruffle of her hair. He returned to lacing his boots, mind wandering.

All hours of the day and night, Eddie had watchers. He’d updated Wayne on it, told him it was handled, received an odd look, and was forced to promise to let him help if needed.

Mike and El turned up just before Steve and Dustin left, meaning no lingering.

(“Have you thought about what you’re going to say?” Mike had asked him that day, sat on the couch with wide imploring eyes. He’d been on Eddie’s ass the whole time they were planning. The kid was a worrier. He wanted to help, to be needed, to know every detail.

“I was thinking something along the lines of-” Eddie had hummed in mock thought, tapping his chin with a finger, staring at the ceiling. He scared Mike by dropping both hands on his shoulders and yelling- “Let folly be our cloak, a veil before the eyes of the Enemy!”

With a roll of his eyes, Mike had shoved Eddie’s hands away, “Real funny, dude.”

El had laughed at them both. It was sweet, even though Eddie was sure the girl hadn’t understood the reference.)

They were followed by Robin who was a breath of fresh air that thankfully didn’t talk about the impending doom of everything every chance she got.

(“Do you think Keith would notice if I hid you in the backroom for my shift this afternoon?” The girl had asked when her allotted time was coming to an end, “You have to tell me what happened with you and Steve. He’s being uncharacteristically tight-lipped.”

Eddie found it funny that the man hadn’t told Robin anything. He knew they shared everything, to the point of likely over sharing. He wondered if the fact that Steve was keeping it to himself was a compliment or an insult. Shame, or protectiveness.

“Mommy said no, so you run to daddy?” Eddie tutted at her, looking back at Little Shop of Horrors on his tiny screen, “Shame on you, Buckley.”

“Never call yourself daddy again. Jesus Christ.”)

Nancy came by after (“Do you own any guns? Just in case?” // “I have a pocketknife. Does that help?” // “It’ll do.”), then Lucas and Max (“What if they don’t believe us?” // “We permanently damage them. Obviously.” // “You two are terrifying.”).

Then came Dustin again (“Do you think we have time for all three Star Wars?” // “If we throw an all nightery, so, yeah.”), and Will joined him for the day before everyone arrived at 7pm (“Do you think that- after this- we could- could we talk?” // “Any time, kid.”).

Eddie didn’t need 3 guesses to suss out what Will wanted to talk to him about. It started with ‘ho’ and rhymed with ‘robo-crest-duality’.

Eddie had felt a crippling sense of déjà vu while under house arrest, having the group drop in with things he needed and to entertain him like when he’d been in hiding. The feeling didn’t have chance to settle with the constant company.

They went over the plan again once everyone was there. El and Robin sat at the table, discussed the layout of the park as soon as they found out that was where the boys were. The physical cues, the tasks of everyone involved. It was exhilarating.

Now they were going. They were going.

When Eddie was done with his boots, he caught Steve shoot Robin a significant look, nodding his head toward the door. The girl gave him a subtle thumbs up before corralling the kids outside and slamming the door behind her.

Steve turned to him, rubbing a hand over his mouth, “Eddie-” he sighed, eyes on the floor, before flicking them up with an intense gaze- “you know that favour? Back at the bowling alley?”

“Damn,” Eddie stomped his boot down onto the floor from its prop on the table, “Hoped you’d forgotten about that one.”

“I want you to be okay.”

“What?”

Steve stepped over to him. He pulled on the lapels of Eddie’s jacket as if straightening it, “Just- be okay? Through this. You have to convince them, and not get your ass kicked again. Don’t pull anything.”

Eddie scoffed, unable to meet the man’s eye, “What would I pull, huh?”

“I’m serious,” Steve’s voice left no room for argument. Eddie met his eye, noted how Steve’s gaze flicked over his face like he was looking for something, “Don’t let whatever that voice is win. Don’t self-sabotage. Don’t make this fail because you don’t think you deserve for it to work.”

“Steve-” Eddie tried to step away with a breath, but the man held on. He pulled Eddie back into his space and slipped his hands up and cradled his head between them.

“Please-” His stare was unwavering, penetrating, and it bled right through Eddie and into his bloodstream, filling him with surety- “I believe you can do this. Everyone does, and you do, and I know that,” Steve offered him a weak version of a smile, “So, that’s my favour. Give ‘em Hell. No bullshit.”

Eddie grasped the man’s wrists, “No bullshit,” He agreed, filled with a longing he wasn’t aware he was even capable of, “How’s your mouth?”

“Feels pretty good,” Steve’s smile gained strength, “How’s yours?”

“Good.” The word came out as a breath, and Eddie could feel how close they were, how the light had been turned off at some point, and the trailer had fallen into moonlit darkness.

“Good,” Steve repeated, equally as breathless. His eyes slipped to Eddie’s mouth, and the ground felt like it was about to cave in. Eddie was sure of it. His grip tightened on the man’s wrists, fearful that he was going to pull away last second just to make Eddie beg.

“Come on, dinguses!” Robin banged on the door, “We gotta go!”

Steve leaned away. They gave each other small smiles, sharing a quiet moment of disappointment at the interruption. Eddie let go.

“Later.” Steve promised in a whisper.

God, Eddie would hold him to that.

He nodded to himself before heading out of the door.

*

October 30^th 10:45

The van rumbled in park. Eddie stared out at the gaps of shadow between the trees. He rubbed his sweaty hands down the thighs of his jeans.

Steve nudged his shoulder with the back of his fingers, sat in the driver’s seat since Eddie had been too shaky to be trusted behind the wheel.

“Remember,” He said, finger stroking over leather before dropping back to the handbrake, “We’re right behind you.”

Something settled in his stomach at that. They were, they would be.

He looked between the seats to see El, Will, Mike, and Robin giving him matching determined looks. Ready for battle.

“I’ll walk with you two to the other side.” Robin assured him, already heading for the back doors to let herself out. She clambered onto the soil and slammed them behind her.

Eddie looked at the three kids, his eyes landing on El for longer, adorable in a borrowed Black Sabbath tee and leather jacket.

“Hands in pockets.” The girl said to him.

He nodded, “Hand on my neck.”

“Scuff your boot.”

“You got the cotton wool?” Steve asked her, for the third time. She rolled her eyes at him as she pulled the pack out of her pocket and waved it.

Eddie held his fist out for her, and the girl bumped it. The fizz in his gut made him unsure if he was going to throw up or faint, but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to do either.

“We got this.” Mike said to him, looking his full grunge self with the long-sleeved black t-shirt and chain on his usual black jeans.

Will leant forward in his seat, black sweater (borrowed from Mike) pulling over the palms of his hands, “You’ll only be alone for a minute.”

“Right, right-” Eddie swallowed around the stone of doubt in his throat- “you’re right behind me.”

He slapped the side of his face that was unbruised a couple times to bring him to reality. It was easy to play it off as comedic. Eddie shook his arms out and blew a raspberry with his lips.

“Right behind me,” He repeated, swinging open the car door, “Right behind me. Just alone for a minute,” With a shaky breath, Eddie leapt out and shook himself out again, “A minute. Right behind me.”

“Eddie-” Steve called out to him. He cut off the engine, leaned his body over the centre console- “give ‘em Hell, right?”

“No bullshit.” Eddie patted over his heart, threw in a wink for good measure.

El joined him and Robin through the back door. They all shared anticipatory looks.

Eddie glanced over at the other car, where Nancy and Jonathan were in the front seats. They both nodded at him, the kids leaning out of the open windows and giving him creepily simultaneous thumbs up.

He, Robin, and El headed into the shroud of trees.

They trudged in the dark for a few minutes. Every snap of a branch made Eddie’s skin crawl, his hands shaking at his side, eyes focused on where his feet were dropping instead of on their surroundings.

When they heard voices, the three stopped. Eddie stepped behind a tree and leaned around it to see the shadows of the park not too far away. Jason’s laughter pierced his ears.

He looked over his shoulder and nodded at the girls. Robin pressed her lips together and gave him a shiny eyed look. It wasn’t hard to muster a reassuring smile for the girl.

She gave El a pat on the shoulder before heading off on her own, going to find Jason’s car and keep watch.

With a quiet sigh, El walked to Eddie’s side and peered over his shoulder on her tiptoes to see the gang of boys in their drunken stupor. It wasn’t even that late in the night, so the state they were already in had to mean they’d been drinking the whole day.

“Boys are gross.” El whispered to him, startling a laugh out of Eddie that he had to muffle with his hand.

“No arguments here,” He clenched his fist at his side when he dropped his hand, dug his nails into the bark of the tree.

Neither of them moved. Just watched.

Eddie knew he was stalling, that they had seen what they needed to see.

They were there. Jason, Andy, and Chance. Exactly the three people Eddie needed to see. The three people who were going to kill him.

A small hand slipped into his, “It’s going to be okay,” El reassured him with a squeeze. He met her young, but far too wizened, eyes, “We have handled worse than bullies. They cannot hurt you if I’m here.”

Feeling so reassured by a 15-year-old’s words should’ve been embarrassing, but considering she was basically a superhero, Eddie just swallowed her words like a pill and squeezed her hand back.

“Cotton wool.” He reminded her with a stern look. She dutifully let go of him and pulled the pack out.

She ripped it apart and stuffed each nostril with a small piece. Once they were completely concealed with approval from Eddie, they parted ways.

He looked over his shoulder halfway to the clearing. El was nowhere to be seen.

The part of him that felt sudden anxiety that he’d been abandoned to die propped its ugly head up.

El’s faith, Eddie thought, turning back to look in front of him, putting one foot in front of the other.

Will’s unending loyalty. The park came into view, still far enough away that Eddie wasn’t visible.

The thought of kissing Steve. Eddie consciously straightened his shoulders, held his head high, and hopped the fence of the playground.

The slam of his boots on the softened tarmac startled the boys.

Jason had a bottle of beer in his hands, around his eyes visibly red even in the dark. Seeing the boys without their letterman jackets was jarring, in hoodies or corduroy jackets, gathering in a triangle like a pack of wolves.

They’d situated themselves in front of the swings. Rusted, swaying in the wind, and making the air creak. The seesaw to Eddie’s right’s paint was peeling, the seats battered and unused. To Eddie’s left, the merry-go-round was missing some bars, colour completely faded. The climbing frame on the other end was missing the slide.

Moonlight was the only thing that lit the group and the decrepit park around them, but Eddie didn’t need to see, he hoped he wouldn’t have to. There wasn’t going to be a fight.

They’re right behind me. Just one minute.

“Oh, hello, boys,” Eddie grinned. He walked forward, pushed his hand on one of the metal bars of the merry-go-round to watch it spin, “Did you miss me?”

Jason threw his bottle down on the ground with a smash, “You have a death wish, Munson.”

Eddie flicked his eyes up from the spinning piece of equipment, pulled his mouth into a smirk, “Do I? I’m just here to talk, shoot the shit, maybe go on the swings-”

With a haggle from the boys, Jason darted forward and grabbed the front of Eddie’s shirt. He huffed a laugh and let himself be marched backwards until his back hit the metal fence.

“Fuck you.” Jason hissed, his spit hitting Eddie’s nose and cheek, making him grimace. The boy swung his fist back, and for a startling moment Eddie was sure he was going to be hit.

They’re gone. They’ve left. This is it.

As he swung forward, Eddie stared at the fist like they’d discussed before, watched with amazement as it froze mid-air.

Jason went to pull it back again. He stared up at it in horror, then glanced back at Eddie, who couldn’t contain his laugher.

“You’re in trouble, Jason,” He warned, putting his hands in his jacket pockets, and crossing his feet as if he were leisurely leaning instead of being held, “What was it you said I am?”

The fence shook suddenly. All around them, an encompassing metallic clang, vibrating and banging against Eddie’s lower back. The sound filled the air.

Jason darted back. He released Eddie, watched the fence dance with wide eyes, joined by Chance and Andy who rushed to his side.

“We’ve been watching you,” Eddie said, walking forward, his hands still in his pockets. He tilted his head, “Your actions. Your violence. Your poor life choices,” With a click of his tongue, Eddie kicked at the broken glass of the bottle with the heel of his boot, “I can’t say we’re impressed.”

The fence continued to shake, like an earthquake, the metal frame of the swings joining, the climbing frame too. It was like they were about to rise up out of the ground.

“Who the fuck is ‘we’?” Andy spat, holding onto the back of Jason’s collar like the boy was a cat scratching something they shouldn’t.

Eddie took his hands out of his pockets and held his arms wide. The park fell silent.

“I’ll give you one guess.”

As he said the words, several footsteps could be heard, walking toward the park at purposefully sedate paces. In the corner of his eye, Max hopped over the fence, followed by Lucas. They rounded Eddie and headed to the swings, watched by the three boys as they sat down on them.

On the other side, Mike and Will climbed over, sharing a serious look before leaning against the fence there, arms crossed, side by side.

Dustin and Steve came around Eddie’s right side, having climbed over from the back. Dustin stood next to him, a few feet away but close enough to watch, while Steve rounded the boys. His bat was over his shoulders as he watched them all and stood with his back to the exit gate.

He met Eddie’s eye in the gap between the boys’ heads, mouthed ‘right behind you’.

El had somehow silently ended up behind Max. She held onto the chains of the swing the girl was sat on, in perfect view of Eddie but behind all the boys. He met her eye and she nodded slightly.

Eddie leaned forward, curved a hand around his mouth as if sharing a secret, “You guessed yet, Carver?”

Jason’s head shot around, staring at the group surrounding him. His eyes lingered on Lucas, who gave him a little wave.

“The Hellfire Club.” He breathed.

“The Hellfire Club!” Eddie yelled, holding his hands in the air. He trotted around Dustin, ran up the seesaw and held himself at the middle, keeping it tipped backward, “You were right, Jason, you little idiot,” He pushed his weight into his right foot, followed the momentum of the seesaw and balanced with his arms and smile wide.

Jason stammered before pointing at him, eyes popping and vicious, “You are a cult.”

“Ding ding.” Eddie touched a finger to his nose as he walked down the metal beam.

“You killed Chrissy.” Jason added, Chance and Andy backing him with shouts.

Eddie put his hands back in his pockets as he hopped off the end.

As the metal started shaking again, loud, menacing, perfect, Eddie laughed, “Oh, no. You have no idea what’s going on here, do you?”

The group of boys shared looks.

“Do you want me to tell you?” Eddie waved both hands dismissively and the park went quiet again, “Don’t answer that. I’m going to tell you anyway,” He skipped to the boys again, stood right in front of Jason with a purse of his lips, “Victor Creel didn’t kill anyone. We didn’t kill anyone,” He leant in close, thrilled at the widening of Jason’s eyes, “But we killed what did.”

“What?” Jason’s jaw visibly clenched, his eyes darting around the kids again, who all stared back with blank expressions.

“We killed it, the demon,” Eddie growled the word, “And that power had to go somewhere.” He scuffed the toe of his boot on the ground and the three boys went flying backwards, backs hitting the floor as they grunted.

Max gasped dramatically, her voice sardonic and mocking, “Where did it go, Eddie?”

Eddie bit his lip, raising his eyebrows at the girl’s improvisation, “Should I tell them?”

“I think they can guess.” Steve tilted his head, amusement in his eyes making Eddie’s heart thump. He smiled at the man, then looked down at the boys still on the ground between them.

“Enough guessing games,” He stepped toward them, crouched to meet Jason’s terrified eyes, “It’s us, Carver,” He walked forward, still crouched, tempted to crawl like a monster just to see that terror grow as the boy shuffled backwards, “Every one of us. We saw it, we killed it, we have that power, now.”

He dipped his head forward, looked up at Jason through his bangs with frown.

“You’ve shown your colours, you know,” He spun a ring around his middle finger, pulling a face like a lackey giving unfortunate news from the higher ups, “I tried to get these guys to give you a chance. Let you live your life. Show your grief-” he spat the word- “but now you’ve gone too far.”

He met Steve’s eye, whose gaze hardened in return.

“You tried to kill me.” Eddie said it to Steve, who blinked at him, his chest heaving as if all the anger from that night was rushing back through him.

“Shouldn’t have done that.” Steve said, his hands tightening around the bat held over both shoulders.

Eddie felt his mouth tick up at the protectiveness, and looked back down at Jason, “I fought for you,” he claimed, pushing a breath through his teeth, “I tried to convince them you’d get over it, that you weren’t all rage and pitiful revenge.”

Andy spoke up, “What are you going to do to us?”

With a sharp look, Eddie said firmly, “I’m giving you a formal warning.”

“Yeah?” Jason looked disbelieving, a snarl on his lips. He darted up and marched towards Eddie, who shuffled back on his hands to avoid the wrath, “You can shake some fences. What else? You going to make us fall over and shake metal?”

Steve took a step with his bat at the ready. Eddie held a hand up without moving his gaze away from Jason.

“Don’t test me,” He glared and brought a hand to his own throat, squeezing slightly.

Andy started choking.

With wide eyes, Jason turned to watch his friend fall to the floor, clutching his throat as he gasped for air, his airways completely shut. He dropped to his knees by him and grasped the boy’s shirt.

“Stop it!” He yelled. Eddie sat up, rested one forearm on his knee as the other kept on his throat. The fear in Jason’s eyes was intoxicating.

The memory of being sure his life was ending pulled in front of Eddie’s eyelids. He gritted his teeth and watched. Watched Andy choke, Jason plead, Chance shuffle backwards until Steve stopped him with the bat as a barricade.

“Stop it,” Jason said again, one hand still clutched in the material of Andy’s shirt and the other hovering over his throat, “You’re killing him!”

“You tried to kill me!” Eddie yelled, rising to his feet. He kept his hand in place, turned, and met El’s eyes. Her face was screwed up in concentration. In front of her, Max was watching with barely schooled shock.

The look in in El’s eye when she met his said, I trust you.

Eddie dropped his hand.

Andy heaved a breath.

As the boy rolled onto his side and coughed, tears streaming down his red face, Jason looked up at Eddie with matching wetness on his cheeks.

“What do you want from me?” He asked, pleaded, and Eddie tilted his head back to look down his nose at the boy.

“The Hellfire Cult-” Eddie pushed meaning into his voice, gravity, convinced himself the ground could shake with it- “Never wants to see your faces again,” He walked forward. Towering over the three boys, Steve matching him on the other side, might and brawn, “If you kill me, Hellfire will rain down on you. On all of you. Is it me with the power?” He asked, dipping his head, hair swaying, “Is it him?” He pointed at Dustin, “Him?” Steve scoffed at this, “Them?” Eddie waved a hand at the three gathered at the swings.

“You-” Jason stammered, but Eddie crouched to his level and shut him up with a hard look.

“We are merciful,” He curled his lip, “We are letting you live,” He stepped one foot out in front of him so he could move his body further into Jason’s space, “If you come near me, or any of us-” he encompassed the group with a gesture- “then you’ll feel what it’s like to be caught in the clouds of a thunderstorm, surrounded by darkness, unfathomable energy, the breath in your lungs pulled out of you until your chest-” Eddie grabbed the boy’s shirt- “can’t take it anymore.

“You think you can take on one of us?” He laughed, patted the side of Jason’s face with his free hand, “Convince your parents ‘the cult is real!’-” Eddie pitched his voice higher, whined the warped impression- “huh? ‘they threatened to swallow me whole!’. Please,” The tremors going through Jason could be felt through Eddie’s hand, “Try convincing everyone that little Byers, Wheeler, and perfect Steve Harrington-” Eddie winked at the man with the words- “are part of a satanic cult.

Eddie leant in so close that he could smell the alcohol on Jason’s breath, “You’re an ant, Carver. Don’t make me step on you.

As the boy he had in his grasp shook, Eddie smiled, shouted, “Hellfire!”

“Hellfire!” All the kids and Steve echoed, voices thrown into the air and surrounding them like a siren call.

Eddie threw Jason down. It didn’t take much, the boy’s body limp with shock, eyes and mouth wide.

All three of the gaggle of idiots were frozen. They stared at Eddie in horror, gazes falling on the surrounding kids like they were afraid one of them would jump forward at any moment.

Good, Eddie thought victoriously.

“What are you still doing here?” He asked the boys with his palms held towards the sky, then hissed in a whisper, “Run.”

The ground shook again. The quake around them heightened and rattled through Eddie’s skull as Jason, Andy, and Chance scrambled to escape. Steve stepped aside and let them pass him through the shaking gate.

Metal rang and thundered, the trees around them even starting to sway with the force of it all.

Eddie rose to his feet to watch the boys’ stumbling steps onto the dirt road. They pulled each other along, not daring to look back, and it felt like winning.

Once they were out of sight, Eddie let out a breath but didn’t relax. He watched the space they disappeared.

The others stayed silent too. Everything stilled. Steve held his bat by his side and watched too, everyone now waiting for the next part, for the moment they could declare victory.

He felt himself be surrounded. All the kids, in their dark clothes and sombre expressions, stood by his sides and back. Eddie felt encompassed by their protection and loyalty.

The snap of a branch came from in front of them. A figure ran out of the woods. Eddie held his breath.

“They’re gone!” Robin yelled, heaving breaths and dropping her hands to her knees to recover from the run, “They peeled away like little babies, yelling about the Devil.”

Eddie deflated, “Gone? They’re definitely gone?”

Robin nodded, a smile growing until she looked insane, “Gone, gone. You did it.”

“I did it.” He repeated dumbly.

Dustin tugged on his arm, “You did it!”

“Shit,” Eddie turned to the boy with a hysterical laugh, “They looked like they were going to piss themselves.”

“I swear I was going to laugh so many times-” Mike tugged on his other arm, as Will nodded enthusiastically.

“You were pretty scary,” He assured Eddie, “So badass.”

“Bad ass.” El drew his attention at the back of the crowd. She looked tired, swaying a little on her feet, and Eddie pushed through the others to grasp her shoulders.

“You just saved my life, kid,” He said to her, eyes stinging, “You’re the bad ass.”

The girl smiled, small and soft, “It’s easier with the hand.”

“The hand?” Eddie asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Mike put his hand out in front of him with clawed fingers and screwed his face up, “Like this.”

Max copied him from opposite the boy, started yelling, and he did too. They both pretended to have some sort of battle of wills. The giddiness of everyone was palpable.

Ignoring their antics, Eddie turned back to El, who he was still holding. She blinked slowly.

“Thank you,” Eddie said earnestly. He pulled her into a crushing hug, uncaring of the bruises still hurting across his body, and clasped the back of El’s head as she buried her head in his shoulder. Her hands clutched at the back of his jacket, “You’re amazing, El. Amazing.”

The girl squeezed him tighter, “You are amazing.”

He laughed. To stop relieved tears from falling, Eddie tipped his head back towards the stars.

“We’re hugging?” Dustin said from behind him and El. He rounded at a run and slapped his arms around them both, putting his temple on top of the girl’s head so his nose was crushed into Eddie’s jacket.

Will joined next, taking a space between Dustin and El, an arm around them, directing a smile at Eddie.

Before long the entire group was holding each other in an awkward arrangement of limbs, heads, and muffled laughter. Eddie’s arms were going numb. They were squished in the middle of everyone, still around El.

It didn’t matter. His heart was about to burst.

“We’re officially a cult, you guys.” Max said gleefully, giving Eddie a sparkly eyed look when he looked at her over El’s head.

“Welcome to the Hellfire Club,” Eddie said to her, unable to contain his grin, “Assholes.”

“We’re a cult!” Mike yelled, arms reaching around the group right from the outside, his head bobbing as he excitedly bounced on his toes.

“Hell, yeah!” Dustin shouted into Eddie’s jacket.

“Hellfire!” Eddie screamed with his head tipped back.

“Hellfire!” The kids all yelled back.

He laughed, dropped his head back down and met Steve’s eye, who was leant against the frame of the swing set. His smile could’ve lit a room. It battled the moonlight.

Eddie pulled his arm out of the huddle and brought his fingertips to his lips. He kissed there and blew it towards the man, his heart somehow filling more when Steve caught it.

With a smirk, Steve made a show of opening the pocket of Eddie’s vest and putting the kiss away. He mouthed ‘saving it for later’. Either that, or ‘gravy alligator’, but Eddie hoped for the first like he’d never hoped before.

“I take it went well?” Nancy had emerged from absolutely nowhere, away from her post as getaway driver in case of emergency, and he strained his neck to look at her from his place surrounded by children.

Jonathan smiled at their gathering, “We’re hugging?”

Eddie made a show of grimacing, struggling in the hold with a full body wiggle, “They won’t let me go.”

“You are trapped forever.” El murmured into his chest. He barely resisted kissing the crown of her head, so full of relief, trust, and elation.

“Come on, children,” Steve walked over to them all and physically pulled at Dustin’s arm, “Don’t forget he got beat up a few days ago. Give the man room to breathe.”

“Don’t be jealous,” Lucas rolled his eyes as they all separated, “Just because you weren’t in on this.”

“You wound me, Sinclair.” Steve held a hand to his chest with a dramatic tip of his head backwards.

As El stepped away from him last, she wiped her eyes subtly. Eddie acted like he hadn’t seen it.

His and Steve’s shoulders bumped together as they walked back to the cars. The feeling sent a jolt of pleasure through Eddie, the pure joy he was feeling so wildly unfamiliar now but welcome in the best way possible.

The pressure built when Steve looked at him.

His gaze, even in the dark, was full of promise. It somehow communicated their future, the possibilities now that Eddie was entirely free, the things they could do.

Eddie felt laughter bubble in his chest.

“Shit.” He giggled, covering his mouth at the onslaught, chest full and light, “Shit.”

“Shit.” Steve agreed with matching laughter, holding his bat out to the side to hit passing trees with a satisfying thud every few seconds, “You’re a hell of a cult leader, Eddie.”

Eddie tipped his head, grin wide enough to hurt bruises that had allowed smiles for days, “And you’re a hell of a member, Stevie.”

“Hey, guys,” Jonathan drew their attention, looking at his watch. He raised his head with a smile, “It’s midnight. Happy Halloween.”

Max gasped, “El, Will, can you tell us your costumes now?”

“No,” El said firmly with a shake of her head. She pulled Will into her side with am arm linked through his, “You can wait until tonight.”

Will supported his sister, “It’s a surprise.”

“It better be worth it.” Lucas warned with a point, the others rolling their eyes at his empty threat.

Steve knocked his elbow against Eddie’s, “Happy Halloween, Munson.”

“And to you, Harrington.”

He received a tilt of Steve’s lips in return, beautiful in its simplicity and honesty. A smile like that was worth a thousand bad days, to Eddie.

He was ready to battle them all for moments like this. Moments bathed in celebration, in the chatter of the kids in front of him, regaling his speech with terrible impressions, Nancy, Jonathan, and Robin hanging on every word with bated breath.

Chapter Text

They made their way back to Steve’s. His house was parent free, and since the kids had all made excuses for where they were staying for their parents- aside from Joyce and Hopper who knew everything-, they needed somewhere to stay.

Eddie bounced his knee as he drove. Every time he glanced to his side; Steve was nearly always looking back at him.

The distraction of driving was welcome. Eddie focused on the road. He felt the man’s gaze burn into him, roll over him like the morning sun, full of want.

Pulling into the driveway was met with a chorus of relieved sighs.

“Boys in the living room,” Steve said to them all once they got into the hallway, “Girls, you can take the guest room and my folks’. Eddie with me.”

Dustin, Mike, Will, Lucas, and Jonathan made their way to the living room. The first boy took the lead with grabbing their blankets since he’d been at the house the most, along with Robin who took the lead for the girls.

It didn’t take long for them to settle in. They were all bone tired, exhausted from the adrenaline of the night and the relief of having won for now.

Eddie would’ve felt himself lagging too if there wasn’t an entirely different energy rushing through him.

Soon he and Steve were the only ones left. They’d lingered in the hallway, directing the others, glancing at each other.

Eddie stripped out of his jacket once it was quiet and hung it by the door. He took the vest from Steve when it was handed to him, hung it too with a steadying breath. The feeling of their fingers brushing together over the material left him needing a moment.

He followed Steve silently to the kitchen. Neither of them wanted to break the silence that had fallen around them.

There was quiet chatter from the other rooms. The floorboards above their heads creaked.

Eddie took the pills from Steve’s palm when they were offered to him, and the brush of his fingertips against the rough skin there had him holding his breath. He was scared to look up at the man. Steve’s gaze was heavy on his face and resisting the pull would be impossible if Eddie met those eyes.

He removed himself from the orbit entirely. Swallowed the pills dry.

“No water?” Steve’s voice broke the tender string wrapped around them both. It pulled taut and snapped.

Eddie’s hand shook as he lowered it from his mouth, “I’m a big boy, Steve.”

The man didn’t reply. Instead of looking at him- God, I want to look at him- Eddie stared out of the kitchen window. There was a fog-rain in the air, creating a mist around the streets that made them look haunted. It spread the orange light lining the road, so it bathed the pavements and the houses around it.

The world was sepia.

He and Steve circled each other on the kitchen island.

They ended up on opposite ends of the kitchen.

The light was off. That amber hue from the streetlights made their features only just visible to each other.

Eddie leant back against the cupboard doors. Steve mirrored him by the fridge.

“How’re you feeling?” The man asked him, hands behind his lower back like a child sitting on them to stop themselves from fidgeting. Eddie stared at the end of Steve’s arm where they disappeared. He thought of what he was stopping himself from doing.

After a loaded silence, Eddie answered, “Best I’ve felt in a while.”

Steve’s responding smile was bright, “Good.”

“Good.” Eddie mimicked, tilting his head.

Silence fell again. The quiet was so encompassing that the hum of the fridge filled the room.

Steve took in a breath like he was about to say something, and Eddie couldn’t take it anymore. He’d looked at those eyes now. Pulled in- hook, line, and sinker.

He pressed his lips together, feeling his reliable impulsivity battle with the fact that he’d waited for this.

He’d followed Steve’s orders. They didn’t kiss that night, that morning, or in all the days since.

He’d been good. Eddie respected Steve’s wishes of it not hurting, of making it right, of the first time they came together not being marred in hurt.

The wait had been long enough.

Eddie crossed the room in a few long strides, met Steve in the middle when he did the same. Their lips met before their feet stopped moving. It burned the string, the silence, the hum of the fridge swallowed by the beating of Eddie’s heart.

Finally, Eddie’s mind sang, God, finally.

Hands tangled themselves in Eddie’s hair. He kissed Steve with all he had, messy and desperate, full of everything he’d been holding back since the first night when the man had saved him from himself.

They tumbled backwards. Steve pushed, moving his mouth against Eddie’s with the same need, until the counter stopped them. With a groan, Eddie pushed his hands up under his own shirt the man was wearing. The skin under his palms warmed him through.

He greedily took as much as he could. Uncaring of whether everyone was asleep or not, Eddie sucked Steve’s bottom lip into his mouth, bit down on it and swallowed the sound it elicited from the man.

Steve pressed their bodies together so close that the lip of the counter dug into Eddie’s spine. He grimaced against the man’s mouth and separated them with a smack of lips. The loss felt cold.

Hazy eyed, he ran his tongue over the corner of Steve’s mouth that was overly wet with spit. The man responded by pressing their faces together. He panted into Eddie’s mouth.

“What’s wrong?” He asked breathlessly.

Eddie petted his hair. He removed one of his hands from Steve’s body, mourned the temporary loss, and used it to pull himself onto the marble.

Steve’s eyes followed the movement, pupils blown wide and mouth still slightly open. It was a pretty sight to see, and Eddie couldn’t resist stroking over his damp bottom lip with the pad of his thumb.

He pulled the man close with a hand around the back of his neck. Slightly below him now, Steve had to tip his head back to meet Eddie’s eyes.

“Nothing,” Eddie answered, leaning in and breathing into Steve’s open mouth, “Everything’s perfect.”

The calmness of that small moment was swallowed whole by the heat that radiated between them in the next.

A storm started, consuming Eddie entirely as Steve rucked up his shirt as they kissed. He let the man’s hands roam, gently skimming over his skin to not press into any bruises, his mouth sloppily connected with Eddie’s.

Feeling like something inside of him was trying to crawl out, Eddie fisted a hand in the material between Steve’s shoulder blades. He used the other hand to pull the man’s hair back so he could access more of his mouth. It was devouring, dirty, everything Eddie had been yearning for.

He hooked his feet together behind Steve’s back to bring them closer. It pulled him to the edge of the counter, and Steve’s belt buckle dug into him, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because Steve was here.

Steve was here, pulling on Eddie’s jaw with one hand, the other under his shirt with fingers spread over his back. Steve was here, making small noises and breathing so heavily that Eddie could feel his chest heaving against his own.

It wasn’t close enough. It wasn’t enough, never would be, the feeling under Eddie’s skin uncontrollable and insatiable.

In an effort to abate it, he loomed further over Steve, forcing the man to tip his head back, turning the kiss into something different.

Heavier, wet, with probably too much tongue but self-control was a distant memory. He bit at the man’s lip again, clawed at his hair, rubbed his hand down until he could press the middle of Steve’s spine to force him to curve closer.

“Steve,” Eddie whined, not separating them to say it, feeling his lips move against the man’s. He opened his eyes to see the glossed over gaze meeting his.

“Eddie.” The man responded. He moved the hand on Eddie’s jaw to cup the side of his face, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth when he tipped into the touch.

He closed his eyes again, overflowing with affection, “You wanna take this upstairs?”

Steve audibly swallowed, “Upstairs upstairs?”

Eddie couldn’t help his small laugh. He curved a hand over the back of Steve’s, turned his face to place an open-mouthed kiss on the man’s wrist. When Steve gasped, Eddie took more, sucking on the thin skin lightly to earn a whinier breath.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Eddie scraped his teeth over the redness he’d created, met the heavy-lidded gaze directed at him, “If you want to.”

“I want to.” Steve answered immediately, eyes widening at his own enthusiasm. With a smirk, Eddie raised his eyebrows, “Shut up.”

Eddie bit his lip, “I didn’t say anything.”

He received an unimpressed look in return. Steve rested his hand on Eddie’s thigh, high enough to be a complete tease and send a rush so heady through him he wasn’t sure he’d make it up the stairs.

“What are we waiting for, then?” Eddie asked.

The speed with which Steve pulled him off the counter left him stumbling. He caught his balance and followed the jog that the man started toward the stairs.

Giddy, full of an unnameable joy, Eddie pulled the man back by a shoulder and rushed past him. He tried to contain his laugh to not wake anyone up at the offended noise behind him.

They thundered up the stairs. Steve tugged on the pocket of Eddie’s jeans. He tripped on a step and landed on one knee, catching himself with a hand before he could face plant as Steve overtook.

He bit his lip to stop from shouting.

Pushing each other and stifling laughter with their hands, Steve and Eddie pushed each other into the bedroom.

They paused. Steve shut the door quietly behind them both. The blinds were open, pooling moonlight on the floor and bed, creating shadows on the man’s face.

“Harrington.” Eddie said, rubbing a hand over his stomach with his head tilted back.

Steve followed the movement before meeting his eye with a grin, “Munson.”

They met in the middle again with a crackle of electricity. Eddie lifted the man’s shirt with both hands, only separating long enough to pull it over Steve’s head as he held his arms high.

His shirt swiftly followed.

Steve ran a hand over his stomach, an intoxicating trail of heat following it, as he sucked on Eddie’s tongue.

They pushed and pulled, falling backwards onto the bed with matching laughs punched out of them at the bounce of the mattress.

Eddie shuffled backwards on his back and fumbled with Steve’s belt. The man clambered into his lap. He held onto Eddie’s head to keep their mouths connected, and he hissed a curse into Steve’s mouth as the belt refused to open.

“Fucking-” he separated them with a pop, looked down at the offending piece of clothing- “this thing is broken- not letting me-”

“Here,” Steve said gently, pushing Eddie’s hands away and undoing the leather with one hand easily. He raised an eyebrow at him, “Was that so hard?”

“I’ve got a shirtless Steve Harrington in my lap,” Eddie ran his hands up and down the man’s sides, his abdomen straining to keep him sitting, “Gimme a break.”

“I’ll let you off.” Steve murmured, already leaning back in to thoroughly undo Eddie with his mouth again.

They moved lazily against each other as Eddie undid his own belt with less difficulty than the other man’s. He pulled at it until he could get at the button.

“Wait-” Eddie dropped back to lean on one hand when Steve chased his mouth- “you sure you want to do this?”

Steve looked dumbfounded, “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Eddie searched his face, ignoring the heat and rapidly growing lust in his stomach, “I just want to make sure. We don’t have to fuck-”

“I don’t care what we do,” Steve said firmly. He stroked a hand up Eddie’s chest, cradled his throat, before trailing it up to cup his chin, “I just want to be close to you, make you feel good. Whatever that means is good with me.”

The rush of warmth that sent through Eddie was dizzying.

“Why don’t you let me take care of you for once?” He said to the man, tipping his head down so he could kiss the skin between Steve’s thumb and pointer finger. He dragged his lips over the frozen hand until he could lick a stripe up a finger.

“Okay,” Steve agreed easily, nodding, and watching Eddie’s mouth with rapt attention, “You can take care of me.”

Eddie smirked against the digit, “Just make sure you’re quiet for me, yeah?”

Steve nodded again. He met Eddie’s eye, moonlight again bathing him in an ethereal glow.

Anticipation heavy in his gut, his giddiness mixed with nerves, because this meant something, Eddie thumbed the button of Steve’s jeans open.

He caressed the trail of hair on the man’s stomach with the back of his fingers.

“You’re gorgeous,” Eddie said, unable to help himself, brushing his lips over Steve’s and breathing in the scent of lust in the air, “Fucking unbelievable, you know that?”

Steve tipped his head to nose Eddie’s cheek, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

With a quiet laugh, Eddie removed his hand from Steve’s skin and leaned away, forcing the man to look at him. He watched Eddie with narrowed eyes. Petulant, Eddie thought, propping himself up on his elbows.

“That the best you can do?” He teased, “No compliments for me? No doting?”

Steve pushed with a gentle hand on Eddie’s chest until he was laid down. The pressure over his jeans doubled when the man leant over him, resting on his forearms to hover over Eddie’s face. He brought his hands to Steve’s hips, trying to keep his breathing steady.

“You’re beautiful,” The man said to him, eyes boring into his with such honesty and sincerity it made Eddie blush, “I can never stop looking at you when we’re in a room together, you know. Every time I try-” Steve shook his head, eyes mercifully moving away from Eddie’s to stare at his mouth instead- “you pull me back in. Made me question everything.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asked breathlessly, slipping his hands around to caress the man’s lower back.

Steve rested his lower body down more fully and Eddie gasped at the rush of pleasure it sent through him, “Went to a party and hooked up with some guy because part of me was convinced it was you. That you were so fucking irresistible it didn’t matter if I liked men or not.”

Eddie closed his eyes, his chest filling with something ugly and disbelieving, “Flatterer.”

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a while,” Steve’s hand cupped his cheek, the other trailing down Eddie’s stomach, “Maybe ever,” His fingertips slipped under the waistband of his pants, “Sometimes I wonder if you were plucked out of the sky, too bright for the other stars to compete with.”

“Jesus, Steve,” Eddie tipped his head back, resisting the urge to pull away, to run. The compliments found their way under his skin, and they weren’t sitting right.

Steve pulled on the elastic waistband, and it thwacked against Eddie’s skin, making him jolt, “You asked me to dote on you,” He teased, pressing a kiss to Eddie’s nose when he opened his eyes again, “Careful what you wish for.”

“Screw you.” Eddie thrust his hips and flipped them over, looming over Steve with a smile he couldn’t contain.

“Well, yeah-” Steve grinned- “that’s kind of the idea.”

“Funny man,” Eddie ran his hand down the man’s side, admired the slope down to his waist, the scars that sat on his hips, jagged and beautiful, “You wanna keep talking, or do you want me to blow you?”

Steve flushed, tugged on a strand of Eddie’s hair, “Romantic way of putting it.”

“Oh? How would you like me to say it, King Steve?” He held himself up with one arm, the other roaming freely, and pressed a kiss to the corner of the man’s mouth, “I want to suck your dick-” another to his cheek- “swallow you down-” Eddie tugged Steve’s earlobe between his teeth, his breath catching with desire when the man gasped- “eat your cock-”

He was cut off in his listing by Steve smashing their mouths together again. It wasn’t a loss, being what Eddie was edging for anyway, and he responded with matching energy. They stroked hands down each other’s bare skin as lips and teeth messily connected.

Eddie’s head was clouded with lust. He couldn’t focus on technique, on how much tongue he was using, on not filling Steve’s mouth with spit and moans- not when the man was grinding up into him with needy noises like that.

It was exhilarating to finally have Steve where he wanted him. No distractions, no interruptions, no doom hanging over their heads like a spectre.

Here, in the streetlamp and moonlight filled bedroom, it was just Steve and Eddie. Just them working it out together, pushing, pulling, and muffling each other’s whines and breathless laughter so the moment stayed between them.

*

Eddie woke before everyone else that morning. He was satiated, should’ve felt happy, so there was no reason for the ball of dread that weighed in his stomach when Eddie opened his eyes.

The clock on Steve’s bedside table told him it was 5:30m. His damn body refused to let him rest for too long, even next to Steve, even after a tiring night of scaring the shit out of Jason and- well- after.

The man was curled into his side. His hand was flat over the skin of Eddie’s stomach, his breath moistening the skin of his arm where his mouth was slightly open against it. Peace radiated off him.

The covers were pooled by his waist, revealing the red and purple marks left from their night together, along with the yellowing bruises. Marks of something good next to reminders of violence.

The dread grew. Eddie swallowed, strained his neck to stare at the man’s slack face. His hair was mussed against his forehead. The man’s dreams were basically visible, his eyes moving behind his eyelids and his mouth twitching in an echo of a smile.

I’m in love with him, Eddie thought.

His eyes widened.

Oh, fuck. I’m in love with him.

Eddie’s breath caught. The storm under his skin rumbled. It swelled, swallowed him whole, caused his mind to spin.

He slid out of the man’s grasp. Shaking, Eddie pulled on his underwear, threw on the first sweatshirt he found, and escaped.

Like muscle memory, Eddie rushed down the stairs. He couldn’t hear anyone talking, the light only just leaking in through the windows no one had bothered to cover before they went to sleep.

No one was awake. No one would witness his cowardice.

His keys were by the door. Eddie grabbed them. He slipped on his boots, uncaring of the lack of socks or trousers, and barged out of the door.

His panic blinded him. The door to his van stuck. He yanked on it, breaths coming faster, eyes welling up, his chest constricting dangerously.

The door opened.

Eddie blinked. He stared at the driver’s seat. Then, he looked back at the house, at the door that he’d closed behind himself like a final goodbye.

Running was natural. It was easy. It was what Eddie always fell back on when shit got too real and having that instinct now when he’d spent the last few months spitting in danger’s face should have been a good sign.

Physical danger was one thing. Having something good, something great? That was more dangerous than any fight, to Eddie.

Good things were too real. Steve was too real. Eddie couldn’t be in love- he couldn’t.

It’d go wrong, he’d ruin it, Steve would hate him and- and Eddie wouldn’t survive that.

His grip on the door handle tightened.

“Fuck,” Eddie rested his forehead against the edge of the metal door, pressed into it until it hurt, “Don’t do this.”

Saying it aloud didn’t make the prospect of staying any less daunting.

“He’s not some hook up,” Eddie said to himself firmly, desperately fighting back the urge to climb in and drive away, disappear like he had before, pretend this never happened and that he never happened, “It’s Steve. It’s Steve.”

The words sunk in slightly.

“You can’t run,” He whispered against the door, “Not this time. Don’t run. Don’t run.”

Eddie slammed the van shut.

He clenched his hands into fists, shuffled in place, unsure what to do with himself without the impulses ruling his mind.

The bedroom wasn’t an option.

He couldn’t go back, couldn’t face the feeling that was swimming in his gut at just the thought of seeing Steve sleeping. Seeing him peaceful. The aftermath of their time together, of having cemented whatever it was between them.

Eddie rounded the side of the house.

He passed the covered pool, pulling on his hair from the root and muttering encouragement at himself to stay.

There was a small gap between the side of the shed and the fence leading to the neighbour’s yard. Eddie slipped into it.

He slid down to sit on the rough ground with his back against the wall. The calming breaths he took did nothing to steady the rapid beat of his heart.

It’ll go wrong. You’ll ruin it. You’ll ruin him.

Eddie pulled on his hair roughly.

You don’t deserve him. You don’t deserve him. You don’t-

He groaned and rubbed both hands down his face, the keys dropping onto the floor between his knees. The tears came unbidden, unwelcome, but Eddie was helpless to stop them.

This wasn’t sadness. It was worse.

It was frustration, pure and simple, the rolling unease swarming beneath his skin unsatisfied with his stillness. It wanted him to run, to fight, to break something. He tipped his head back against the wall and kept breathing.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there for. The sun settled fully into the sky, and voices could be heard from inside the house as everyone else started to wake.

Eddie stayed where he was.

Fuck this, fuck this- fuck you, fuck staying, fuck working things out. Fuck, fuck, fu-

“Eddie?”

He straightened automatically at the sound of Steve’s voice. The man’s shadow fell over the slice of space Eddie had hidden in, and Steve rubbed his eyes with one hand while the other tugged on his shirt like he’d rushed to put it on.

Eddie wiped the wetness from his cheeks, even though he’d stopped crying a while ago, “Hey.”

He cowered under the unimpressed look Steve directed at him.

You’ve ruined it. Not running didn’t do anything- you ruined it.

“Hey,” Steve replied after a few seconds too long of silence filled only by the echo of their friends’ chatter. He moved to sit at Eddie’s side, “Thought you’d run away.”

Eddie laughed self-deprecatingly, blinking away more mortifying tears, “Didn’t I?”

“I checked for your van,” Steve said. He was staring at the fence in front of them when Eddie glanced at him, “It was still there. Your keys weren’t.”

“Here,” Eddie dropped the keys between them, gestured at them with a too wide smile, “Hide them somewhere for me, yeah?”

Steve looked down at the tools of Eddie’s almost-escape, his mouth twisting. He picked them up and turned them over in his hands. His gaze didn’t stray.

He hadn’t looked at Eddie since he sat down.

“I thought that- maybe-” the man let out a breath- “since you’d uh- had your way with me, that you were done.”

Eddie felt horror rise up in his chest.

Unaware of- or ignoring- his reaction, Steve continued, still pulling on the keys, “That’s not- that’s not what this is, right?” He finally looked up, right at Eddie with pleading eyes, “For you?”

Eddie shook his head, “No,” He said firmly, “It’s more. For me.”

He couldn’t bare the naked look in Steve’s eyes, so looked back at the keys the man was still fiddling with. They got dropped between them again. Eddie pulled his hands into fists and bit at the inside of his cheek.

“Why did you run?” Steve asked him. His voice was strong, but the layer of hurt wasn’t completely hidden, and Eddie closed his eyes against it.

He pushed himself further into the wall and brought his knees to his chest, debating honesty, “It’s too good.”

“Too good?”

Eddie nodded, picking at the scabs on the back of his left hand, “Guess I really thought about what it meant. What you mean,” He clarified, jaw clenching against the pain of reopening his wounds, “I’m too- too, you know. For you.”

“Why do you get to decide that?” Steve’s voice had strengthened, and Eddie met his eye to find them wild with light and fury, righteous.

“Steve-”

“No,” The man pulled Eddie’s hands away from each other, held onto them both with a grip so tight it made his bones creak, “Why do you get to decide what’s too much for me?” He ducked his head to force Eddie to meet his eye, “I know what I can handle. I know what I want.”

Eddie shook his head, trying to pull away from Steve’s grasp, “Don’t be stupid-”

“Eddie,” Steve released his hands, but didn’t withdraw his touch entirely. He cupped his cheek instead to turn Eddie’s face, so they were only a breath away from each other, “I’ve never had trouble knowing what I feel, or saying what I mean,” He smiled slightly, “I go after the things I want. It’s what I’ve always done and- and it’s you, okay?”

The dread bloomed, still. Eddie shook his head again. The feel of Steve’s palm against his cheek made him melt, but he was terrified to let himself have it, to trust that they’d work it out.

The creature that lived in him was loud. It ruled him, made decisions that he would never make, and if that hurt Steve, then Eddie would never forgive himself.

He was a ticking time bomb. Anything could make him explode, lash out, show a side of himself that he never knew existed.

Steve didn’t deserve to be hit by the shrapnel.

“I can’t,” Eddie pleaded, eyes welling up again without him being able to control it, “Steve, it’s-”

“Tell me you don’t want this,” Steve said, thumb swiping under Eddie’s cheek when a tear escaped, “Tell that it’s because it’s me, because you don’t want it enough- tell me that, and I’ll leave you alone.”

Eddie grasped Steve’s wrist, “It’s not that.”

“Then what?” The man brought his other hand to Eddie’s neck, embracing him in a hold that had his skin tingling, “You deserve good things, Eddie,” Steve’s words struck the right chord, one that had Eddie deflating until his forehead hit the man’s collarbone.

He continued to speak smoothly, “You deserve to be loved. You deserve our friends, their loyalty,” He moved one of his hands around to pet the back of Eddie’s head, fingers threading through his hair, “You deserve safety, and comfort. You deserve me,” Eddie screwed his eyes shut against the onslaught of affection, desperately craving it but keen to shy away as well, “You deserve it all.”

“Shit,” Eddie wrapped his arms around Steve’s torso, creating an awkward hug with both of them twisted in their seated positions, “You’re too good for me, Steve.”

“Bullshit.” Steve pulled him closer, dropping a kiss onto the crown of Eddie’s head.

It felt like a weight had been lifted. He sank into the touch for a moment, let himself feel comforted, safe.

The feeling of inevitable failure lingered. He knew it wouldn’t go away, not completely, but- but Eddie trusted Steve.

He trusted the man to know himself. He trusted him to know Eddie, he realised like a punch to the gut, to have seen him beat up, self-destructive, ugly, and make the decision for himself.

Most, Eddie trusted Steve with him. There was no one he believed would be more capable of being with him than Steve Harrington.

Steve, who’d faced monsters from another dimension and Russian government torture. Steve, who found him pummelled in an alley all those weeks ago and taken him home to patch him up.

Steve, who chased him the day after and cared for him like it was nothing at all, who’d known his own limits and removed himself when Eddie lashed out, then let him come back when he was ready.

Steve, who’d let Eddie see him broken down and vulnerable the night they fought Jason, who’d been by his side to solve the problem once and for all.

The certainty washed over him so suddenly Eddie didn’t know what to do with himself.

He pulled himself from Steve’s hold and leant forward, rubbing his hands over his face. With a breath, he looked at the man to find himself being watched with a calculating gaze.

“So, what do you think?” He asked Eddie, smile weak at the edges, fingers fiddling with the cuffs of his sweatpants where his legs were crossed.

Eddie hummed, taking in every detail of the man beside him. The mess of his bedhead, the creases on his cheek from the pillow. The hopeful glint in his eyes, along with the bruises still gracing his features.

Honesty tumbled out of him, “I think I love you, Steve Harrington.”

Steve blinked. His mouth dropped open, and Eddie relished in the momentary shock with amusement before it was over.

The smile that lit the man’s face was brighter than the morning sun.

“You love me?”

Eddie couldn’t help but match the look, his cheeks aching with the force of his grin, “Yeah, Stevie.”

Steve bumped their shoulders together, “Love-love me?”

“Oh, yeah,” Eddie nodded, tilting his head to the side just to watch the man follow the movement, “In love with you. Like, would write sonnets, and sappy letters- I’d tattoo your name on my ass if you asked me to.”

Steve’s laugh pierced through any lingering darkness in Eddie’s chest like a beam of light between clouds.

He tucked Eddie’s hair behind his ear, “I love you too, for the record.”

The words were brighter than that light, brighter than anything, and they shone between the men like a constellation of stars.

“Yeah?”

Steve nodded, making a face, and pushing out a breath, “Yeah, Munson,” He slapped Eddie’s arm with a grin, “Let’s get matching ass tattoos.”

“Property of Eddie Munson,” Eddie spread his hands in front of him, picturing the words on pale skin, “It’d suit you.”

It was impossible not to laugh again, Eddie’s bordering on hysterical from the whiplash of changing emotions. When it died down, something palpable crackled in the small space they were hidden in. Eddie met Steve’s eye, running his tongue over his bottom lip.

Steve’s gaze dropped to track the movement.

He loves me, Eddie thought deliriously, Steve loves me.

They met in a kiss that was charged with all the words said, and all the unsaid ones, moving together like they were always meant to. Fated, Eddie thought, written in the stars.

He pulled Steve in close. The other man followed the momentum of it, shifting smoothly into Eddie’s lap like he belonged there. Eddie grabbed his hips and pressed up.

Like teenagers, they rutted against each other, clumsy. Steve bit at Eddie’s lip with his hands pushed into his hair, pulling slightly at the root like there was an energy in his hands he couldn’t control.

Eddie slipped his hand up Steve’s shirt and skated it over the man’s spine. He sighed into the kiss, pressing his other palm into the thigh over his own, pushing down until Steve got the message and ground harder against him.

The friction made them both gasp. Eddie leant up further, pushed forward until Steve had to lean back to keep kissing him.

They didn’t dare come up for air. Their bodies were pressed so close together that Eddie wasn’t sure where he ended and Steve began, and he would’ve been happy to not ever be able to tell the difference again.

“I love you,” Eddie murmured against Steve’s lips, the words only said for the first time to himself that morning, but feeling like they were all he’d been saying to the man for the past month, “God, Steve, I-”

Steve moaned against his cheek, “I love you too,” He hadn’t stopped moving, the pressure between them building as he littered open mouthed kisses across Eddie’s face and down onto his neck, “Ridiculously- so much. So, so much.”

Needing it like he needed oxygen, Eddie turned his face to connect their mouths again. He grasped the back of Steve’s head to deepen the kiss until it was indecent, sloppy, and interrupted with panting breaths.

Steve was still rolling his hips in a way that left Eddie dizzy, “We can’t-” Steve groaned, and tugged on Eddie’s bottom lip with his teeth- “can’t walk back in there with-” the sentence stuttered out as he breathed into Eddie’s open mouth with a whine- “with cum in our pants.”

“I can think of a solution to that.” Eddie pulled back with a wiggle of his eyebrows, tucking his fingers into the waistband of Steve’s trousers, the skin warmer there and outrageously tempting.

Steve laughed, mercifully- or cruelly- stopping the grind of his hips, “They’ll know.”

With a sigh, Eddie tipped his head back onto the wall, “They’ll think we did it anyway, you know.”

A sucking kiss was pressed into his neck. He should’ve known better than to leave it exposed. Eddie tightened his grip on Steve, his eyes rolling back as his hips twitched.

“But we’ll know we’re innocent,” Steve scraped his teeth up the tendon of Eddie’s neck, breaths coming out heavy against his skin, “Plus, there’s no door to close. We’re lucky no one’s come looking for us already.”

Eddie knew he was right, but still.

“Damn shame,” He opened his eyes, stared at the clouds above them instead of what would likely be an undoing sight in his lap, “You’re gonna have to give me a minute.”

“Maybe two.” Steve conceded. He sat back on Eddie’s thighs, ready to wait for their arousal to go down together.

Eddie dropped his head to look at him.

Mistake.

The man’s hair was at all angles, mussed by Eddie’s hands that were now rested on the material of his sweatpants. His pupils were blown when their eyes met. Steve’s mouth- God, that mouth- was glossy with spit and bitten red.

The man smirked, “You gotta stop looking at me like that if you want my boner to do down, dude.”

Eddie bit his lip to keep his smile at bay, “Don’t call me dude after nearly making me finish in my underwear, Harrington.”

“Okay, darling.” Steve purred with a smile.

Heat curled in Eddie’s stomach.

“That’s worse.” He warned, digging his fingers into the meat of Steve’s thigh. The man leant forward slightly, eyes glinting.

“Love,” He teased, raising one eyebrow, “Sweetheart, angel,” Steve tilted Eddie’s head up with a finger under his chin, “Baby.”

Eddie groaned, “You better stop.”

Steve pouted, batting his eyes, “Why?”

All Eddie could respond with was a look. He was aiming for disappointed, scathing, but he knew himself. The only feeling he could project was pure lust, and Steve saw it, his smile dimming to be replaced by a similar expression of want.

“Get off my lap,” Eddie commanded, knowing his will power could only take so much, “Or everyone’s going to hear you moaning all those names you were just calling me.”

Steve looked like he was debating it. He glanced to the opening of the little alley they were shadowed in, then sighed and closed his eyes.

Slowly, like it was the most painful thing in the world, Steve climbed out of Eddie’s lap and sat against the wall again.

They both stared at the fence. A bush was growing on the other side, small branches with tiny leaves poking through and obscuring any light that would’ve leaked from the other side.

Eddie narrowed his eyes at it.

He tried to think of anything other than the heat of the body next to him, the softness of the skin that he’d had at his fingertips, and the feeling of those lips against his just a moment before.

His neck tingled as the spit dried. He rubbed his palm against the sensation and closed his eyes.

“Might need three minutes.” He said quietly.

He expected Steve to respond with a laugh, but instead the man sighed heavily.

“Maybe four.”

Chapter Text

The walk back into the house had the very real potential of feeling like a walk of shame. Eddie and Steve slipped in through the sliding doors by the main room and were met with multiple stares.

Eddie curtsied, “Mornin’, folks.”

“Why are you in your underwear?” Mike asked him, tactful as ever.

He, Max, Dustin, Robin, and Jonathan were lounging on different parts of the couch, each with bowls of cereal. It sounded like the others were still in the kitchen. They were only partially out of view, the open plan of the house not leaving room for much privacy.

Eddie slipped off his boots with a smile, “I was just having a little mental break in the back yard. Why do you-” he waved a hand in the boy’s general direction- “have such awful bedhead?”

“I’m a restless sleeper.” Mike answered easily, but there was a flush on his cheeks and his gaze darted to Will guiltily.

Hoping the man had noticed it too, Eddie shot Steve a gleeful look, and received one in kind, coupled with raised eyebrows.

“Breakfast?” Eddie tilted his voice hopefully, directing the question at the man standing probably suspiciously close to his side.

Steve dragged his gaze up from definitely not Eddie’s face, “Put some clothes on first.”

“Did you just call me a whore, Harrington?”

The man grinned, “Am I wrong?”

Eddie held a hand to his chest while tipping backwards as if he’d been struck by the words. Steve had the catch him by the front of his sweater before he fell on his ass.

Once pulled back to his feet, and with a small laugh, Eddie saluted the group before making his way upstairs.

One pair of jeans, and some slight disappointment at not having been followed by a certain someone to the bedroom, later, Eddie joined the hoard where they’d gathered in the main room.

Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan were stood together behind the couch, most of the kids squished onto it, with El and Max sat on the floor together. They’d all apparently finished their food.

For once having an actual appetite, Eddie felt wrongfooted. It’d be weird to go get something now, right? He’d stick out, be watched while he ate. He was still contemplating when Steve appeared at his side.

“Here,” He said, handing over a full bowl of Lucky Charms. There was a matching bowl in his hands, “You’ll need fuel for this.”

“For what?”

Max answered from the floor, “El’s going to check in on Jason-” she put a hand on the girl’s knee supportively- “and the others. Check they got the message.”

And if they didn’t?

Food didn’t seem that appetising as the lump of anxiety built in Eddie’s throat, but he started eating anyway. He concentrated on getting the right ratio of marshmallow to cereal. The lack of space on the couch meant Eddie and Steve had to stand in the large arch doorway, and he shuffled his feet restlessly.

“What do we do if they don’t leave him alone?” Lucas voiced the question they were all silently asking.

The room went quiet as they contemplated, Max and El quietly muttering to each other by the radio as they set up the white noise.

“We hurt them,” Will answered firmly after it seemed no one was going to offer anything, “You said El broke that guy’s arm, right? We just make them scared.”

“Jesus, Will.” Eddie paused with his spoon halfway to his mouth.

Steve moved Eddie’s hand up so that the metal hit his lips, “We’ll cross that bridge if we get to it. You girls ready?”

Max and El nodded. The room filled with static as the former switched to a frequency with no station. She slipped the volume up notch by notch until El nodded at her.

Slowly, she lowered herself onto the coffee table, facing them all. Max handed her a bandana. El was still wearing Eddie’s t-shirt, and it hung on her frame and made her look younger than she was as she tied the material at the back of her head.

“Remember to be quiet.” El told everyone once the stage had been set.

Eddie gripped his bowl tight. He watched the thin line of the girl’s mouth and the crease in her forehead as she frowned in concentration.

Nancy and Jonathan were holding each other tight on the other side of the room. Similarly, Mike and Will were pressed together closer than they necessarily needed to for the space they had. It was a good distraction, trying to figure out what was going on there.

With narrowed eyes, Eddie elbowed Steve in his side gently. He nodded at the kids when the man looked at him. Steve followed his direction and assessed the closeness too.

A small smile appeared on his face. Eddie leant against the doorway and admired it, unable to stop himself from mirroring the expression when the man looked back at him with a smug tilt to his eyebrows.

“I see him,” El spoke into the static filled silence. Eddie’s smile dropped, “He is-” she frowned, head turning to the side like someone was whispering in her ear- “fighting. With his parents.”

“What are they saying?” Max leant forward as she asked, head tipped back from her place on the floor to look at El’s face.

“They are threatening him-” she paused, listening- “with ‘boarding school’. It sounds like an old fight. They have ‘warned’ him before.”

Eddie shared a look with Steve, who said, “He told them?”

El nodded, “They do not believe him. It was bad for them last time-”

That wasn’t a surprise. After trying to rally the town to mob Eddie, Jason had some trouble with the police, especially when Hopper returned to duty over the summer. He’d gone off the rails, had ruined the good reputation of his family. The Carvers were a pillar of the community before all of this.

Eddie supposed they didn’t want a repeat after scraping themselves back into social graces over the last few months.

El continued, hands clenched into fists on her thighs, “He is frustrated. Scared.”

“It worked?” Mike perked up, pushing forward to lean his forearms on his knees, closer to El with wide, hopeful eyes.

“It worked,” El confirmed, “He is scared of us, and of his parents.”

Eddie sagged against the doorway. He nearly dropped the bowl. He slipped to the floor to lean his back against the wood and put the ceramic next to him with a heavy breath.

“What about Andy, and Chance?” Nancy asked, reasonably so, but Eddie was too busy trying to breathe. He took in air through his nose and tried to calm the rapid beat of his heart.

Steve sat cross-legged in front of him. He put his bowl down too and put a hand on one of Eddie’s knees while still looking at El in the middle of the room. The touch gave Eddie something to zero in on. He focused on the warmth and closed his eyes.

“They follow Jason,” Lucas pointed out, “If he backs off, they will too. Pack mentality.”

Eddie opened his eyes again and saw El remove her blindfold, wiping the back of her hand under her nose. It came away bloody.

She met Eddie’s gaze calmly, “They will leave you alone.”

“Shit,” He gasped out, overcome with emotions he was still unused to feeling after months of white noise, “You think so?”

El nodded, her mouth tipping into a smile, “There is nothing he can do.”

“Shit.” Eddie repeated stupidly. He could feel his eyes stinging, a rumble in his chest that warned of oncoming tears.

There were too many people, too many eyes on him, and he took in a shaking breath to stop himself from breaking down in front of all of them. He looked to Steve pleadingly.

The man took mercy, “Everyone get your stuff,” He said to the room, hand squeezing Eddie’s knee and eyes not straying, “You need to go home, take a nap or something-” he looked away just to give everyone a stern look “-we’ll see each other at the Byers’ tonight.”

It was obvious why Steve had done it. Everyone knew and shot concerned looks Eddie’s way as they filed out of the living room. Robin patted Steve’s shoulder as she passed to let everyone out, considering she was staying and heading to the Byers’ with them.

Eddie paid them no mind. He tucked his head into his knees, ending up with his forehead on Steve’s hand.

The room fell silent after another minute.

“Is this a good panic-” Steve moved closer, the wood scuffing against his trousers- “or bad?”

Eddie heaved out a breath, “Good, Steve.”

“Good.” Steve repeated with palpable relief. He pulled his hand out from under Eddie’s face and brushed it through his hair instead.

“They’re gone,” Eddie said to himself, just to confirm it, to see how it felt. He raised his head and met Steve’s sparkling eyes, “They’re gone?”

“They’re gone.” The man laughed slightly, dipping his head down to meet Eddie’s eyes more fully.

They grinned at each other. It worked, Eddie thought deliriously, it fucking worked.

He was suddenly so thankful that Steve had found him that day. It was what got him here, surrounded by friends, support, people that’d fight for him and that he’d fight for in turn.

The door was open, and Steve was the key.

Eddie lunged forward and tackled the man into a hug. He felt the grunt Steve let out as his back hit the floor, and Eddie pushed himself onto his forearms, smacked a kiss against his cheek, then the other, chest bubbling with laughter.

“I’m getting that kid a fruit basket,” Eddie slipped his hand around to cup the back of Steve’s head. He tugged lightly on the hair at the nape of his neck, met his smile with a wider one, “No, two. Three. Ten.”

“Ten fruit baskets?” Steve tutted, accepting his position on the floor. He brought his hand up and tucked some hair behind Eddie’s ear, tilted his head as his eyes flicked over his face.

Eddie flushed under the attention, “She deserves that many. Saved my life.”

“Maybe I should get her a fruit basket.” Steve cupped his cheek gently, pushed his head up to kiss the tip of Eddie’s nose.

“Yeah? Would you have missed me, Harrington?”

“Again, with the surname,” Steve shook his head then dropped it back to the floor to give Eddie a disappointed frown, “So formal, Eddie.”

“Sorry,” Eddie said unapologetically, pulling the man up again so their breaths mingled, “I’ll call you whatever you want, sweetheart.”

“I like that one.” Steve keened. He moved the last inch between them and kissed Eddie gently, so soft it was barely there. It didn’t make his heart swell any less.

The rush going through Eddie matched every time they’d done this before. Every touch, every kiss, every collision of their affection for each other was as exciting as the first. Having only been a day since the first time it made sense.

He wondered if the thrill would ever fade.

“So, what’s the plan, dinguses?” Robin’s voice echoed down the hallway as she came back from the front door.

One second to the next, Eddie and Steve were back in their previous positions. The other man cross-legged and wiping the back of his hand over his mouth with wide eyes.

The image struck Eddie as eerily similar to a kid being caught eating something they shouldn’t. He barely contained his laugh as Robin rounded the corner.

“I need a nap, for one,” Eddie offered when Steve didn’t seem capable of saying anything. He met the man’s eyes with raised eyebrows, “Didn’t get much sleep.”

He received a warning look in return.

Flustered Steve Harrington was something Eddie would never get sick of, and he knew himself well enough to think that. The flush on his cheeks, the wide doe-eyes, his lips pressed into a thin line.

Even his neck went slightly red.

Eddie would never stop having fun with that.

“That’s fair,” Robin replied, either oblivious or apathetic to the silent conversation going on at her feet. She kicked Steve’s leg, “And you?”

Eddie tempered his grin, “You need a nap too, Steve?” He asked, blinking innocently as the blush grew, “How did you sleep?”

“Really well, actually,” Steve narrowed his eyes at him, visibly containing some admonishing comment, “You can nap on your own.”

Like a dog with a bone, “Who said I was inviting you to nap with me?” Eddie held a hand to his heart, “There’s a spare bedroom.”

Steve’s jaw clenched. His gaze darted up to Robin, who was watching the interaction keenly, her lip between her teeth.

The morning light filled the room and Eddie let himself relax into the doorway. This was nice, good, teasing Steve without the end goal of pissing him off, getting him to run away.

All Eddie wanted was to see him blush. He was all too aware of how the thought made his expression shift, falling from a teasing grin to something fonder, telling. His heart thumped.

“We have to be at the Byers’ for 5:30,” Robin pointed out, crouching to be eye level with them both and tilting her head, “So, we can go do lunch at the diner?”

Eddie recovered before Steve, “Sounds good,” He held out a hand to get the girl to help him up, which she did readily, “Let’s call it my treat, for being my little saviours last night, yeah?”

He bumped shoulders with Robin before offering Steve a hand up with a grin.

Steve’s blush had faded, but not entirely, when he took it. He pulled the man up with purposefully too much force to bump them into each other before adjusting to balance. The blush appeared again.

Pretty, Eddie thought.

“Let us go on-” he ran into the living room and hopped onto the coffee table- “celebrate our righteous victory. We will march into-” he looked to Robin.

“Harvey’s Diner.”

-“Harvey’s Diner with our heads held high and the flag held out in front of us-” Eddie put two fists on top of each other in front of him and tipped his head up- “no more of Eddie the Banished! He has been allowed back into society, a broken but beautiful man!”

“He okay?” Robin mumbled to Steve under her breath, arms crossed and gaze overtly judging.

Eddie met the man’s eye, who was watching him with a light smile and his hands on his hips, “Yeah, he’s okay.”

*

“Come on, Eddie!” Steve yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

With a grunt, Eddie hopped on one foot to pull his boot fully up. How the other man had been ready before him with that ridiculous hair was beyond him.

Eddie had spent probably too long admiring himself in the bathroom mirror.  He had to admit to himself, that he made a damn good Han Solo.

The white billowy shirt hung off Eddie’s shoulders just right, and the black waistcoat was open and tapered nicely to accentuate his waist when it was buttoned up. He had a holster resting on his hip, with a brightly coloured water gun that somewhat dampened the overall effect but did its job as his makeshift blaster.

Eddie had pulled his hair into a low bun to complete the look, making him look less himself. Steve had even gone so far as to buy him knee high boots to couple with his black jeans.

They were a bitch to put on. With a final pull, the boot Eddie had been struggling with finally shifted on and he let out a breath.

“Ready?” He called to Steve, who had been waiting for him and Robin for the last ten minutes.

“As I’ll ever be.”

Eddie descended the stairs at a run. He hopped off the second to last and pulled out his blaster, pointing it at Steve with a shout.

The man didn’t play out being threatened, which was a shame, but the leisurely up and down he was giving Eddie instead wasn’t a bad alternative. He holstered the weapon.

Steve was an excellent Luke Skywalker. His white robes were pulled tight to his waist with knotted material, and his boots matched Eddie’s, probably bought at the same time without outright matching in mind. It was more convenient, but the fact that they were wearing the same thing warmed Eddie through anyway.

They admired each other in silence.

Steve sighed heavily, “I did a good job.”

Eddie couldn’t help but agree with an affirmative sound, but he doubted they were talking about the same thing.

He dragged his eyes up from the slope of Steve’s waist and met a heavy-lidded gaze. The man licked his lips.

“Don’t.” Eddie warned with a point of his finger.

“Don’t what?” Steve tilted his head, eyes falling again to admire Eddie’s outfit, slipping down to the boots and all the way back up. His eyes stuck on Eddie’s face, flicking over it like he’d never seen it before, “You put your hair up.”

Eddie touched the bun sitting on his neck with a bashful smile, “Yeah, seemed fitting. Does it work?”

“It works,” Steve nodded quickly. He stepped closer, pulled on the bottom of the waistcoat with a smirk, “It all works.”

His eyes landed on Eddie’s again. The backs of Steve’s fingers brushed against his hip where they gripped the material, and Eddie’s stomach flipped. He swayed closer.

“Like what you see?” He asked, pulling Steve in by the knot on his waist, already knowing the answer.

Steve’s other hand moved to Eddie’s hips, his head tipping back so he could look down his nose at him with a teasing smirk.

“I love what I see.”

Love, Eddie’s eyes widened, even though they’d already exchanged those breathless three words, love, love, love.

He tugged until Steve tipped forward and crashed into him. It was easy to kiss him, their faces so close it would’ve been ridiculous not to. Steve sighed against his lips.

Eddie kept a hand clasped in Steve’s material belt and brought the other to the side of the man’s face, walking him backwards until his back hit the wall. He let out a heavy breath as they kissed, running his tongue over Steve’s bottom lip.

His face was framed by the man’s hands. It deafened him as Steve’s palms covered his ears, but Eddie didn’t need to hear. He needed to taste, touch, feel.

Eddie slipped a leg between Steve’s easily so that they slotted together like puzzle pieces. He pulled on the knot in his hand until it came loose.

“Eddie.” Steve warned against his mouth, only forming the word before continuing the kiss, fingers tangled in Eddie’s hair and ruining his bun.

He slipped a hand under Steve’s robe and pulled away with a chuckle, “You’re not wearing a shirt underneath?”

Eddie ran his palm over the man’s side. He felt the full body shiver that went through Steve, kissed his reddening cheek.

“It’d show at the top.” Steve defended. He traced a fingertip over Eddie’s temple, head leant back on the wall. It was impossible not to kiss him again.

“You wanted your chest out,” Eddie said against his lips, laughed when Steve pulled on the hair by his ear petulantly, “You little slut.”

Steve hummed, the sound like a purr vibrating his chest, “You love it.”

There was no way to argue with that. They both knew it was true.

“Well, this is an interesting turn of events.” Robin’s voice came from the stairs.

The men froze, staring at each other from their compromising position against the hallway wall. The girl moved fucking silently when she wanted to.

Steve pressed his lips together with wide eyes, “Do you think she can see us?”

“Yeah, Steve,” Eddie laughed, pressing his forehead against the man’s, “I think she can.”

They moved apart and shifted guiltily as Robin descended the stairs at a sedate pace. Eddie adjusted his waist coat. Next to him, Steve was hastily tying his robes back together with his eyes flicking back and forth between the other two.

“Leia,” Eddie decided to do what he did best and break the tension, “You look like a million bucks, my dear,” He stepped up to Robin and wrapped an arm around her waist, the silky material of the white dress sliding under his hand. It was easy to dip her wearing a charming smile as she yelped, “What are you doing tonight, say 9pm?”

Robin slapped his chest until he brought her back to her feet, “Beating your ass. Jesus. Never do that again.”

Eddie shrugged, “Just playing the part. We’re a couple for tonight, Buckley.”

“Ironic, considering.” Steve commented, having gained most of his composure during the act. His cheeks were still slightly red. With a skipping step, Eddie pinched one of them.

“That we’re queerer than a pride flag?” He tipped his head down to look up at the man with a grin.

Steve breathed a laugh, “Exactly.”

“Oh,” Robin widened her eyes sarcastically, “So, not ironic because you two are boning?”

“Boning.” Eddie repeated blandly.

“Jesus, Robin,” Steve shook his head disapprovingly, leant against the wall with his arms crossed, “Have some class.”

“You two were the ones going at it-” Robin waved a hand, and Eddie raised his eyebrows at Steve who shrugged back at him- “in the middle of a communal area where anyone could walk in-”

“This is my house.” Steve pointed out, but the girl was unperturbed.

“-and I got my eyes assaulted-”

“Assaulted?” Eddie took his hair out of the scrunchie to redo it.

“-it’s scarring. Truly. I’m scarred for life.” The fake hair pinned to the side of Robin’s head bounced as she bobbed her head to accentuate the point.

Steve checked his watch, “You done?”

“I’m done.” Robin confirmed.

“Good, ‘cause we have to go,” The man clapped his hands together as Eddie tightened the tie in his hair, “Hop on it.”

Steve grabbed his keys from the bowl by the door, and Eddie followed him towards it.

“Wait,” Robin pulled them both back with a hand on each shoulder, “Clarify something for me.”

“Shoot.” Eddie told her. He shared a look with the man next to him, who lifted an eyebrow in response.

With a narrowed gaze, Robin shook them slightly, “Are you two together now?”

He looked to Steve to answer, “Yeah,” He said with a shrug, “I guess.”

“You guess?” Eddie’s stomach twisted, “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know!” Steve pulled himself from Robin’s hand and threw his hands in the air, “What did you want me to say? We haven’t done the talk about it.”

You said you’re in love with me.

Robin pulled her lip between her teeth, “Maybe we should just go. Forget I asked.”

There was no way Steve was getting out of it that easy. Eddie blocked the door with his body when Robin tried to open it. He leant against it, propping his foot up behind him for good measure.

“No, Steve,” He curled his voice harshly, “Explain this to me.”

The man opened his mouth, hands on his hips and brow drawn, “I don’t- we only just-” he groaned and pushed a hand through his hair, “I didn’t want to assume,” His eyes were vaguely panicked when they met Eddie’s, “Or like- put pressure on you?”

Moderately satisfying answer. Eddie was getting good at this honesty thing. He held back some scathing comment, the claws stinging the end of his fingers as they tried to come out.

“Pressure me how?”

“Into a rel-” Steve’s gaze darted to Robin, who was watching on with keen interest- “do we have to talk about this right now? In front of her?”

“Consider me a fly on the wall.” Robin said with a sardonic smile. She made no move to leave and give them some privacy, and Eddie didn’t really care.

He tipped his head towards Steve, swallowed the monster, “How about this, Harrington-”

The man muttered, “Why does the surname feel like a punishment?”

“-you wanna go out with me?”

Steve glanced at Robin again, his neck and face turning that lovely shade of red Eddie adored, “Yeah?”

“Going to need a firm answer, Steve,” Eddie inspected his nails, consciously keeping his face neutral as his stomach did an entirely different twist than before, rolling with delight, “Say it like you mean it.”

“Yes, Eddie-” Steve said firmly, his glare causing Eddie’s face to break out in a smile- “I would like to go out with you.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows.

Steve sighed, “Please?”

“Better,” He nodded, then clapped his hands together in a mockery of the man’s ‘dad move’ from earlier, “Hop on it, folks, we’re gonna be late.”

“Asshole.” Steve whispered into his ear when he moved out of the way of the front door. The fondness of his tone negated the insult. It made it sound like a compliment.

Robin followed them both out of the car while making a gagging noise, “That was super gross, by the way. I’m disgusted by you both.”

“That’s homophobic.” Eddie dug a finger into the girl’s side before she could climb into the van and leapt back when she tried to hit him. She stuck out her tongue instead.

*

The Byers/Hopper house was decked to the nines when they arrived. There were several pumpkins out front, one with a simple three line smiling face that Eddie could only assume was carved by El. Fake cobwebs were strung across the porch, as well as every window.

The trio made their way up the porch stairs. Voices could be heard from inside, chattering over each other, but Dustin’s carried more than the rest which was beyond not surprising.

Steve knocked, and Eddie swallowed his nerves. He’d only met Hopper and Joyce a handful of times, and the most recent with the former wasn’t under exactly polite circumstances. It took a few seconds too long for someone to come to the door.

The anxiety coiled in Eddie’s stomach as Joyce greeted them with a smile, “Happy Halloween, you three.”

She welcomed Steve immediately with a hug, which he sunk into like he needed it. Robin also got one, which she took more awkwardly because of the clipped-on hair.

Eddie took in a breath and went in last with his arms already open. He was partially sure that the woman wouldn’t want to hug him, of all people, but it was better to go in more confident than he felt.

Mercifully, Joyce pulled him in like it was nothing. She was a head shorter than Eddie, and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders with a relieved sigh, pulling his face into a grin when they parted to hide his uncertainty.

“Thanks for having us over,” He said to her. She clasped his shoulders as he spoke, “I promise we’re less of a handful than the kids.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.” Joyce answered easily, giving him a rueful smile before addressing the other two as well, “Food is already on the table. Go ahead and help yourselves.”

“El and Will revealed themselves yet?” Steve asked hopefully.

Eddie admired the bunting with bats and pumpkins hung across the main room. Several lines of it were crossing over each other on the ceiling with barely any space between.

“Not yet,” Joyce said with a shrug, “I’m sure it won’t be long, though.”

With a last clap on Eddie’s shoulder, the woman led the way through to the others, and the three of them followed to a chorus of greetings.

Eddie immediately spotted Dustin in the crowd. He wandered over, eyebrows raised, appreciating the grin, white face paint, red nose and hair, and the green neatly painted around his mouth and eyes.

The kid held his arms wide, “Ha!” He looked Eddie up and down, “Han Solo, lookin’ good, man.”

Eddie did a spin, “You make an excellent clown, Henderson, I must say,” He nodded at Nancy who was by the boy’s side eating some chips off a paper plate, “Good job, Wheeler.”

“I told you I’d do it better.” She said slyly to Dustin behind her hand. Eddie held a hand to his heart with an offended noise.

He was accosted by the other kids as they did their rounds of welcomes. Somehow, he’d lost Steve, but quickly found him gathering food piled on his plate with Robin at his side, quietly talking about something with wide eyes and gestures.

Max slid up to him, “I honestly expected you to show up in the dress.”

Eddie knocked on the plastic helmet the girl was wearing, “Just ask if you wanna see me in a dress, kid.”

“It’d be funny,” The girl adjusted her helmet with a huff, the costume baggy around her shoulders but oddly suiting her, “Then Steve could’ve been Han instead. It’d make more sense.”

“Would it?” Eddie narrowed his eyes at her.

She tipped her chin up defiantly, “Yeah, it would.”

They stared at each other in silence, neither willing to back down and admit defeat. Eventually, Eddie had to concede. The girl was observant, nearly as much so as Dustin, and he couldn’t exactly argue with her.

Instead, “Maybe next year.”

“You can’t repeat costumes,” Max took a step back, her eyebrows raised, “Just think of another couple.”

“Sandy and Danny?” Eddie pointed at her for approval, and the girl hummed with a shrug before she walked away to disappear into the crowd of people as quickly as she’d appeared.

He found Dustin again and pulled him towards the table littered with food with an arm around his shoulder. They chatted as they piled their plates.

“There he is!” Mike shouted, and Eddie turned to see Will had descended the stairs.

He grinned bashfully. There was an orange and blue lightning bolt down his face, and his hair was spiked up away from his face. The boy was wearing a white t-shirt and matching jeans. Eddie tilted his head.

“Bowie,” Steve laughed as he said it before Eddie could. The man walked over and clapped Will on the shoulder, “Rad look dude.”

“Thanks,” Will flushed under the attention, Mike at his other side staring at the makeup appreciatively, his padded Superman costume making him look somehow even taller than he usually was, “But this isn’t the big reveal.”

“What’s the big reveal?” Lucas asked, his mouth full of food.

Will raised a finger. He walked over to the stereo and put a tape in, fiddling with it as everyone watched in anticipatory silence.

Eddie munched on a cocktail wiener.

‘Another One Bites the Dust’ played out loudly. Will grinned and shouted up the stairs by the front door, “Ready!”

“I come down now?” El responded, causing a couple bouts of laughter amongst the audience.

Will waved a beckoning hand, and the girl appeared at the top of the staircase. She trotted downstairs with a grin as the music played.

Once at the bottom, she struck a pose. A very recognisable pose.

It wasn’t a particularly Halloween-y costume, but Eddie didn’t care.

Her yellow leather jacket wasn’t an exact match for the Magic tour, just a classic leather jacket, not military style. There were two red stripes, and one yellow, painted down the sides of both legs of her white trousers. Her hair had been completely flattened on her head with hair gel.

The look was completed with a fake moustache glued to the top of her lip.

“Freddie!” Robin pointed out gleefully, cluing in anyone who hadn’t figured it out yet.

“I am Freddie Mercury,” El dropped the pose and grinned, the expression making her moustache shift and Eddie held in a laugh, “Can you tell?”

Mike said, “We can tell, El. You did a great job.”

“Freddie and Bowie,” Dustin whispered to Eddie, eyebrows raised speculatively, “Sensing a pattern?”

Eddie could see the pattern. He wondered if Dustin was seeing the same one as him. With a grunt, he stuffed a Dorito in his mouth and watched as El and Will were whisked away by Max and Mike respectively.

Instinctively, Eddie searched for Steve in the crowd, met his eyes after a moment and they smiled at each other.

‘Freddie’, Eddie mouthed with a meaningful movement of his eyebrows.

‘Bowie’, the man mouthed back with a disbelieving look. Mutual conclusions, then.

The party really started then. Well, it wasn’t exactly a rager, but the kids were boisterous and with their constant arguments and theatrics, Eddie was entertained the whole time.

He stood back with Robin as Lucas and Mike played their characters, acting out what a fight would look like between Spider-Man and Superman.

“I got you with my laser eyes, dude,” Mike waved a hand, frowning bitterly, “You’re dead.”

Lucas responded smugly, “I jumped out of the way. My spidey-senses told me you were going to-”

“Bullshit! Superman would totally beat-”

“No way, dude. No fucking-”

“It’s not even a debate!”

Eddie spoke to Robin behind his hand, “Should we break this up?”

“Nah,” She responded quietly, watching it go down with a smile, “I want to see if it turns into a real fight.”

“We’ve seen enough of those, don’t ya think?”

Robin’s eyes widened. She turned to him, opened her mouth to apologise, since the bruises were still bright and sharp on his face.

He laughed at her scandalised expression.

“You asshole,” Robin slapped his arm as he continued to chuckle, “I actually felt bad for a second.”

“God forbid-” Eddie held his hands together as if in prayer- “you ever feel bad about anything, Buckley.”

She glared at him, “I’ll end you one day, Eddie.”

“Try me.” He challenged.

Her eyes sparked.

Eddie ran.

He pulled out his ‘blaster’ and pointed it at her, completely pointlessly since it didn’t have any water in it and wouldn’t exactly hurt if he threw it.

The girl yelled threats at him as they weaved through the kids and adults alike. They reached the kitchen and Eddie rounded the counter with a hysterical laugh.

He faced Robin on the other side of it. She darted to the left. Eddie went the other way. The girl suddenly doubled back, and he shouted, changing directions too and almost tripping over his own feet.

Eddie scurried and slammed into something broad and hard.

“Careful,” Hopper grumbled. Oh God, Eddie reeled back and straightened, clearing his throat when Robin crashed into his back with a grunt. They both stood to attention, “Running inside isn’t a good idea.”

“Sorry sir.” Eddie and Robin said automatically, then looked at each other as if personally betrayed by their respect for the man’s authority.

Hopper sighed. He, for some reason at 7pm, had a mug of coffee in his hands. The man exuded ‘exasperated dad’ vibes, and Eddie felt like hiding behind Robin would probably be an inappropriate reaction.

“El told me it’s all good,” Hopper said to Eddie, his eyes flicking over his face, assessing the bruises there, “No more trouble?”

Eddie nodded firmly, his face heating at the fatherly protectiveness being directed at him, “Hopefully not, no.”

“Hopefully,” Hopper rubbed temples with his fingers and thumb, “You let me know if there is, okay? We’ll sort it.”

“Thank you.” Eddie glanced at Robin, who was looking back at him with her lips pressed together, “I appreciate it.”

Hopper simply nodded at them and walked away. He moved as if to ruffle Will’s hair as he passed, and the boy ducked out of the way with a shout to stop him from ruining his spiked style.

“Oh, wow.” Robin laughed, “You looked like you were about to burst into flames.”

Eddie shoved her, “Shut up. You try having an older man say he’ll sort something for you and not blush.” He pointed at the girl when he eyes widened at his words, “That is not what I meant-”

“Steve!” Robin yelled, running for the man on the other end of the room, engaged in some weird tussle with Dustin, “Steve, Eddie said-”

Eddie caught up to her and put his hand over her mouth, pulling her into his chest as she struggled, “Nothing. I said nothing.”

Steve separated from Dustin, the kid adjusting his red nose. He looked between Eddie and Robin as they continued to fight, it eventually ending when Robin licked his hand.

“Buckley!” Eddie wiped his hand on the thigh of his jeans, “How old are you?”

“Twelve.” The girl answered with a serene smile.

Steve raised his eyebrows, “What is going on here?”

“Nothing.” Eddie answered at the same time as Robin blurting, “Eddie has a crush-”

“It was bad wording,” He quickly defended before the girl could dig him into a hole, “Bad wording only.”

“I’m not even gonna ask.”

Eddie had never been more thankful in his life. He stuck his tongue out at Robin and the girl responded by kicking his shin.

The party ended at 9pm. The kids went off to their respective houses, Max and Mike staying behind to sleep over. Eddie, Steve, and Robin said their goodbyes and got more hugs from Joyce.

Eddie was sure that this party had provided more innocent physical touch for him than any other day in his life. He’d never had so many people hanging off his arm (all of the kids), play fighting with him (Dustin and Robin), or insisting on being carried (Robin again, for a photo of the Star Wars trio on El’s polaroid).

Before they left, Eddie had pulled Will aside and told him that he’d be collecting him for the next D&D session at the Wheeler’s, so they could have their talk. The kid had nodded seriously. He’d seemed nervous, but sure, and Eddie was warmed by the fact that Will wanted to talk to him about whatever was going on.

It felt like another thing to add to his list. For the bad days. The three things that make him happy, the reminders of why he wanted to keep living. It was ever-growing.

Most of the items were taken by Steve.

Speak of the Devil, “You want to come back to mine?”

They’d just dropped Robin off at her ‘friend’, Vickie’s party. Neither of them were up for it, considering how full on the past few days had been.

Eddie was relaxed in the passenger seat, having been exiled to the back before because the girl apparently had eternal shotgun. He rolled his head to give Steve a judging look.

“My van is there. I have to come back to yours.”

Steve gave him an equally critical stare, “I meant for the night. You know-” he shrugged, wiggled his shoulders with his eyes back on the road- “stay with me?”

“Not sick of me yet?” Eddie trailed his eyes over the man’s body, the way his costume had sagged over the night, and how his long fingers wrapped around the steering wheel.

“Not yet, no.” Steve shot him a smile.

It blanketed Eddie with admiration. He marvelled at the man’s ability to put so much emotion into such a small gesture. Everything he did radiated love and affection.

Maybe that was Eddie’s rose-tinted view of things. It didn’t matter either way since it was positive. It was good.

There was still a lingering doubt in the back of Eddie’s mind. It persevered even though he knew how the man felt.

Eddie knew he was loved. He knew that Steve wanted him around, knowing how fucked up he was. How the static sometimes won.

His pink lips after we kiss. The muscle in his neck when he tips his head back. The way he says ‘please’.

“Yeah, Steve,” Eddie didn’t resist the urge to touch, brushing the back of his finger over his Luke Skywalker’s cheek, “I’ll stay.”

*

One Month Later

“Don’t tell me that.” Eddie thumped the back of his head into the wall with a breathless laugh.

Nancy’s voice filtered down the line, high with indignance, “I swear! He was so grumpy, Eddie. You can’t leave us alone with drunk Steve again. He stayed at ours and wouldn’t stop cooing over Mike,” Her voice tipped into a poor impression of Steve, “’You’re so lucky you figured it out early. You have Will for five more years than I have Eddie.’”

Adorable, Eddie thought, not bothering to contain his smile, “No promises, Wheeler, you know what the guys are like.”

She did, and he knew that bailing wasn’t an option yet. Eddie had only started hanging out with the members of Corroded Coffin again a couple weeks ago. Playing guitar after so long without felt like breathing fresh air after drowning.

It was one of the steps to take to feel like himself again, and he wasn’t about to ditch it for a house party hosted by someone he barely knew. Even if his friends and boyfriend begged him to go.

“Well, either way, you’re still coming tomorrow, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Eddie spun a ring around his pointer finger, staring at the post-it note on the opposite wall from Steve a few weeks ago, sweet words he reminded himself of every morning, “Even though Robin said it was monthly, and you’re breaking the tradition before its properly started.”

Nancy chuckled, “I offered to pay for her,” She defended, and Eddie rolled his eyes even though the girl wouldn’t be able to see it, “And this is all of us. You two can still have your little date every month.”

“Don’t tell Steve I’m leaving him for her. It’ll break his poor heart.”

“Cross my heart,” Nancy answered, and Eddie could picture her doing the gesture as well, “It’d be a twist, that’s for sure. The kids would lose their minds.”

Eddie’s eyes were drawn to the window when headlights lit the trailer, “Looks like my side piece is here, Wheeler. I’ll have to love you and leave you.”

“Tell Steve I say hi,” The girl said, then added hastily, “And that if he wants me to never give you the photos Jonathan is having developed, he’ll have to pay me.”

“How much?” Eddie asked. He watched the door, only half paying attention to Nancy’s response as his heart thudded with excitement.

“We’ll call it an even $100.”

The door opened, “I’ll let him know,” Eddie followed Steve with his gaze when he entered the trailer. He bit his lip as the man immediately walked over to him and crowded him into the wall, “Catch you later, sharpshooter.”

He hung up the phone before Nancy could reply. Steve put his hands on Eddie’s hips under his shirt, pushed into him until their fronts were slotted together. Eddie responded by wrapping his arms around the man’s shoulders.

“Nancy?” Steve asked, his lips brushing over Eddie’s cheek. He smelled of sandalwood and cologne, along with the undercurrent that was all Steve.

“No, it’s Eddie,” He retorted, pressing his nose to the man’s pulse point, and inhaling deeply. He let it out heavily so it tickled Steve’s skin, “You can call me babe if you want, though.”

Steve giggled and moved away from Eddie’s nose, “You know what I meant.”

“Do I?”

He received a scathing look in return. Annoyed Steve was one of the best versions of the man, and Eddie was well onto his way of entirely perfecting getting him there in under a minute. This was probably a new record.

“Asshole.” Steve muttered to him; the word laced with that fondness that Eddie had learned actually meant ‘kiss me’.

“If you say so.” He pushed a hand into Steve’s hair so he could pull him in by the back of his head. The man sighed into the kiss.

It was just intoxicating as the first, second, fiftieth, and all the ones in between. Eddie doubted he’d ever not feel like this.

Full, satiated, like he wouldn’t have to eat or drink a day in his life as long as he had constant access to Steve’s mouth.

The man’s hands slipped under his shirt. He ran them up Eddie’s side, and he arched into the touch with a keening sound.

“Is your uncle home?” Steve mumbled into his mouth.

Eddie pulled on his hair, “Don’t talk about my uncle when your tongue is in my mouth, man.”

“Man,” Steve mocked, moving an inch away so he could meet his eyes with a smirk. He put his hand in the back pocket of Eddie’s jeans, “Wanna take this to the bedroom?”

The wiggle of his eyebrows and small shimmy of his shoulders was a predictable move at this point. How he managed to be dorky and hot at the same time, Eddie had no idea. He was ridiculously into it.

The light above Steve’s head created a halo around his hair. It made the shadows on his face wider, his eyes still glittering despite the darkness half-masking his features. Eddie tilted the man’s face up with a finger under his chin.

“You’re a dork.” Eddie said, meaning I love you.

Steve heard it. His smile made the shadows disappear, bright and adoring, all for Eddie.

He could barely believe it. This was his. Steve was Eddie’s, and he was Steve’s.

The bad days, the good days, the numb ones, they were worth the effort when it meant this was what Eddie got at the end of them. If he got Steve, the kids, Robin, Nancy, Wayne- all of them kept his feet on the ground.

“What’re you thinking about?” Steve asked him, bringing him out of his thoughts with a thumb against his bottom lip.

Eddie scraped his teeth against the tip of it, “You, Harrington. Always you.”

“Harrington?” Steve teased, pulling him in by his chin for a chaste kiss.

“Steve,” Eddie corrected obediently. He pushed in for more, releasing a breath when Steve pushed their lower bodies together like a reward, “Sweetheart.”

Steve grinned against his mouth, leaning away to give him a smug look, “Better, Munson.”

“Munson?”

“Eddie,” He pulled Eddie forward by his hips, turned them and started walking backwards towards the bedroom door, “Baby.”

“Much better.” Eddie praised the man as he shut the door behind them both.

A couple of months ago Eddie couldn’t even picture the next day. He’d convinced himself that if he died, ceased to exist, then nothing would change, he would be better off and so would everyone else.

He hadn’t seen how that would change, but it did.

There was no plan for Eddie’s future, still. No job, no high school diploma, no place of his own. But, God, he wanted one.

A future.

One that had this man in it. The one kissing him, holding him, whispering praise in his ear and against his skin. The one that made him laugh when everything seemed to hurt. The one that cared like it was second nature, let himself be cared for in turn.

The one that found him up on the roof at 6am the next morning, when Eddie had been up there for a couple hours. The one that sat silently next to him when he was unable to form any words for another hour.

“Steve?”

The man turned to him. His face was lit by the sunrise burning over the horizon, amber and beautiful, “Yeah?”

Eddie felt his breath stutter, “Thank you.”

The man nudged their hands together against the trailer roof, covering Eddie’s pinkie with his own, “Any time.”

They looked at each other, smiles small and true, and the sun came up.