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Remus is feeling brave. This boy is starting to make him feel brave. He types out a draft “are you” and then a bubble pops up on his screen.

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So that’s that, Remus decides as he sets his phone down. An hour of entertainment, that’s all. He had been bored and lonely after putting Teddy down for a nap. It had been fun but what did he expect.

Just someone who had texted the wrong number. This stranger had a life of his own. He could be 50 for all Remus knew. Oh god, he could be 15. Remus shuddered to think he’d been texting someone years younger than him. The stranger had mentioned a dorm room and school houses. Oh shit had he been flirting with a minor? He felt a bit sick and walked away from his phone vowing not to think of the stranger and the most fun conversation he’d had in weeks, possibly months. A few minutes later Teddy woke from his nap and that was that. Remus was back in the world of snacks and playgrounds and colorful cartoon super heroes.

The next day the stranger was completely gone from Remus’ mind until he heard a buzz from across the room. Abandoning the picture he had been coloring with his son, Remus went to pick up his phone. He tried, he really did, not to smile when he saw the name that had come across.

Remus bit the inside of his cheek wondering if he should answer the stranger, Sirius his mind corrected him without his authority. He started to type out a response before his brain had caught up.

Remus smirked at this. He wasn’t sure if he should mention that he would also be getting a post-graduate degree if it weren’t for the whole single father no money thing he had going on. He must’ve taken too long to answer because he phone buzzed again in his hands.

Which was true, Teddy had grabbed his hand, tired of his father being on his phone and pulled him back to playing with his little toy farm animals.

Remus didn’t mention that he had moved back because Teddy’s other parent had decided they didn’t want to be a young parent and Remus really couldn’t blame them though it had stung to be left with a four month old all on his own. So he had packed up their small flat in London and moved back to his hometown not too far from where his parents still lived.

Remus didn’t add that he also was supposed to have gone to boarding school though he doubted Sirius would have been a scholarship kid like Remus would have been.

Oh no, Remus thought. He shouldn’t have said that. It’s been almost ten minutes now since Sirius responded. The three dots had appeared and then gone and now it’s been ten minutes and nothing. Should he say something? He probably made him super uncomfortable because Sirius had just shared all that personal information. Remus probably scared him off, he was being too intrusive. Remus felt hot tears begin to prickle behind his eyes and he blinked fast before Teddy saw that he was upset. It was stupid anyway, he thought before he set his phone down and walked towards the kitchen to begin setting up snack. He had barely known Sirius for two days now. So why did it hurt so much that Sirius had stopped texting him so suddenly?

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Remus still couldn’t shake how much he missed talking to his weekend stranger. That morning he replayed their conversation as he brushed his and Teddy’s teeth, as he dropped Teddy off with his mom for the day, as he pulled into the lot at work, and now as he poured himself another cup of tea during his planning period. Remus sighed as he looked at the stack of papers on his desk. Year 10s poetry assignments, they were usually quite good for teenagers who generally scoffed at the topic’s mere mention. After the general whinging, Remus found that most of his students reveled in the opportunity to express themselves creatively without the general constraints of sentence structure and grammar policies. Today he couldn’t find it within himself to grade them though. He sighed as he pulled his phone from his desk where it had been all day. His mother had his direct classroom number if anything was wrong and he really didn’t need to be reached unless it had to do with Teddy. So he wasn’t expecting to see multiple texts filling up his lock screen.

Those were this morning, then one more text had come in just fifteen minutes prior.

With a sigh and some bravery, Remus typed out a reply.

Remus felt significantly better as he slipped his phone back into his desk drawer and greeted the first few students who were trickling in. He had two lessons left in his afternoon, Queer Club which he co-led after school on Monday, and then a few small errands before he picked up Teddy. They decided to have dinner at his parent’s that night, or rather Hope decided this when Remus arrived at his childhood home to see his mother and Teddy had made enough food for three whole families not just the three adults and one small child they actually were.

They made pleasant talk throughout the meal and by the time Remus was getting Teddy out from his car seat back at home again, the child was more than ready for bed. Though reluctant to brush his teeth and put on his pajamas Teddy still fell asleep during the first picture book Remus read to him. Remus pulled the covers over his sleeping child. He kissed his forehead and made sure his stuffed wolf, aptly named Wolf when Teddy was only one-year-old, was in arms reach of the boy. He walked into the entryway to grab his phone from his worn shoulder bag and grabbed a beer from the fridge before settling down with his phone. He was sad to see that Sirius hadn’t responded to him since Remus’ planning period had ended earlier in the afternoon. It had been a busy afternoon for him perhaps it had been for the other man. Steeling himself with a sip from his drink, Remus typed a quick,

The three dots pop up on the screen almost immediately and Remus tried to ignore the swooping feeling in his stomach it had elicited.

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You’re adorable. Remus thought of the text as he brushed his teeth and lay in bed. It had been nearly midnight when he’d stopped texting Sirius and pulled himself up to head to bed. He would regret being up this late in the morning when Teddy would inevitably run in despite it being way too early. The boy would beg for sugary cereal and the playground, even though he knew there was no time for the playground on school days. Remus groaned as he fell into bed and looked at his phone one last time hoping the morning didn’t come too soon.

Remus pushed his bag further up his shoulder as he shifted a small stack of books into his other hand so he could pull his phone from his pocket. A smile spread across his face when he saw who the text was from.

“Who’s got you smiling like that?”

Remus turned to see his friend, and coworker, Lily walking beside him, she knocked her shoulder into his playfully. He hadn’t even noticed her walk up beside him. He looked over at her debating whether or not he should tell her. He and Lily had been friends since primary school, they were supposed to have gone to the same boarding school when Remus had fallen ill. Lily had still gone and they had tried to stay in touch through writing letters but things are hard when you’re a teenager and when you’re in the hospital as much as Remus was. Their friendship wasn’t the same. They’d graduated from their separate institutes then gone on to separate Unis. Then one day at the grocery store they ran into each other, Remus with Teddy and Lily with her girlfriend and they had immediately headed back the short walk to Remus’ where Teddy slept and he and Lily caught up on the very important things they had missed over the last several years. It was Lily who had put in a good word for Remus when the English teacher position opened up at the local primary and Remus who had moved back to his hometown feeling like all was lost began to see hope again.

So it was with that in mind that Remus looked over to Lily with a fondness for his old friend and told her she should come round his house for dinner after he picked his son up and he’d share everything. They got to their separate cars and Remus pecked Lily on the cheek before unlocking his car and returning to his phone.

Remus chuckled and put his phone away before he started his phone.

“So you just start flirting with this guy who texted the wrong number!” Lily was laughing so hard she was clutching her middle. She was gasping trying to regain her breath.

“Hey! It’s not that funny!” Remus protested. He had just told Lily almost the full story, leaving out the strangers’ name and a few other details like that he had gone to school in Scotland, though he wasn’t sure why he shying on those details.

They were still sat at the kitchen table finishing up some carrot cake Lily had brought with her. Mary had gotten stuck late at the hospital so it was just the two of them and Teddy who was distracted in the land of sweets.

“Da what’s so funny?” The toddler asked, well at least Remus had thought he was distracted.

“Nothing Teds, Auntie Lily is just being mean.” He winked to the toddler whose eyes grew big.

“Auntie Lily, it's not nice to laugh at people.”

“Too right you are Teds,” she replied shooting Remus a quick look. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up you’ve got icing all over your mouth.” Lily held her hand out to Teddy who accepted the hand but still licked around his mouth at the icing protesting that he didn’t need to get cleaned up. Once they, or rather Lily at Teddy’s insistence, got the toddler to bed for the night the two settled on the couch with some tea.

“So, you like him?” Straight to the point she always was.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know him. It’s only been two days, Lils but,” Remus trailed off and sighed. “Can I say something stupid?”

“Always,” Lily settled into the couch as if to say she was ready for all the gossip. Remus rolled his eyes, mostly at himself.

“We haven't even talked that much, just a few conversations since Saturday, yet it feels like I’ve known him my entire life,” Remus’ voice was quiet. “Rather like I was supposed to know him in another life.”

Lily’s smile softened from a teasing smile to one of endearment. She tutted a sweet expression in Welsh and patted Remus’ curls.

“Maybe you were,” She mused. “Soulmates and all.”

“Lily, you know I don’t believe in all that.”

“If you have another reason for it, I’m all ears.” She chuckled. “How about this, I’ll tell this story at your wedding.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Remus looked somberly into his mostly empty tea mug. “We don’t even know each other that well yet. I mean he told me a bit about himself and his brother and best mate. He knows I’m a teacher but he doesn’t know about Teddy or… or me at all.”

“Give it time, cariad. You don’t have to share all your secrets at once or at all.” Lily grabbed his hands where they were around his mug and looked into his eyes to add, “Don’t spiral over this. Whatever it is, just let it be, ok?” Remus nodded and looked away as tears threatened to well up. Lily stayed and reassured him for a bit longer before she declared that she missed her girlfriend too much and would see Remus tomorrow at school. She kissed his cheek and he walked her to the door and definitely didn’t overthink what she had said until he fell asleep.

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“Think he wears leather trousers?” Remus groaned into his arms. He was sitting at his desk during lunch head in his arms with Lily seated across from him.

“Oh Rem,” she laughed and ruffled his curls a bit. “You really like him, huh?” Remus nodded, not even sure how he got here so fast.

This continued for a while, back and forth teasing each other as if they were old friends. It was strange but Remus really felt like they had. He still had his reservations, he hadn’t mentioned Teddy yet. For one, how do you casually bring up that you’re a single father to a 4-year-old? Anyway, it wasn’t as though he were going to suddenly meet this guy. It was just good banter online. Really fun banter.

They continued to chat while Remus was getting Teddy a bath that night. Remus thought of how he couldn’t remember the last time he had spent an entire day talking to someone. Even with Lily, he’s learned that he needs some space or quiet time which suits them both fine. Sometimes they’ll even spend a whole day in each other’s company reading and never saying a word. Sirius feels different than that and when he receives a “Goodnight x” text from Sirius that night, he finds himself hopefully that Sirius feels it too.

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Teddy, as it turns out, was quite popular with Remus’ students. Monday afternoon meant Queer Club. Since it was the day before Valentines Day, Remus and Lily had planned a little party with plenty of candy and snack foods. A lot of these students wouldn’t be able to go out this week and openly date their significant other, so while it wasn’t the most ideal of locations, they had tried to transform Remus’ classroom into a somewhat romantic setting. At least romantic enough that it wasn’t embarrassing to the students as well, the room wasn’t a floor to ceiling pink café or anything. Teddy was quietly playing with some small figurines at Remus’ desk at the beginning of the club time but when Remus turned back from a conversation he was having with two students he realized he was no longer there. He scanned the room quickly and saw him under the desk where two year nines were sitting.

“Edward, out.” The two teens jumped at the sudden appearance of their teacher and then chuckled nervously as the blue haired toddler crawled out from under the desk. “Before you stand, you may want to check your shoelaces.” Remus warned them. “He’s just learned that trick and has been having a lot of fun with that.” The teens laughed again.

“I like your hair,” one of the teens said to him while bending down to check his shoelaces. “You got me! Good job, buddy.” He went to give Teddy a high five. Teddy beamed and then was off to bother more students before Remus could say anything. The teens, however, were all smiling and sharing a laugh with him so Remus didn’t bother telling him off, though he did keep an eye out for other toddler sized pranks. By the time all the students had filed out, Teddy was buzzing with excitement.

“Da can I come with you every day! I love school!”

“No, Teddy. This was just a special time.”

“Awww but Daaaa!”

“Stop whining please.”

“Listen to your Da, Teddy.” Lily had come back into the room, having left to speak with a student privately.

“All good?” Remus asked. Lily nodded. “Alright. Let’s go then.” As they left Lily was telling Remus about her plans to cook for Mary the next night.

“If all else fails I can win her over with cheesecake.”

“Can you win me over with cheesecake?” Remus asked. They had reached his car and he was helping Teddy buckle into his car seat.

“But Remus cariad, what would your soulmate think?” There was a twinkle in her eye as she said this.

“Uh uh, we are not calling him that. And well we maybe have a date for tomorrow?”

“What!” Remus laughed at her reaction; he couldn't help it. Lily was a hilarious sight when mad. All five feet of her compared to his tall frame.

“It’s not like a date date. He was feeling down about being single for Valentine’s Day and I’m not doing anything so I suggested we watch a movie together after Teddy goes to bed.”

“Oh he knows about Teddy?” Remus shut the car door.

“No. Hasn’t come up.”

“Remus.”

“Look, it’s not a real date. I shouldn’t have said that. I have to get Teddy home for dinner, see you tomorrow ok Lils?” He smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes hoping it would be enough.

“Ok.” Lily said, stepping back from the car. “Love you, Remus.”

“Love you too.” Remus got into the car and tried not to think about it for the rest of the drive home. He only half listened as his toddler excitedly talked about how much fun he had at his dads school.

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Remus settled onto his sofa after getting Teddy to bed. He was oddly nervous and had to keep reminding himself this wasn’t a real date, Sirius had called it one but it was a figure of speech right? This was just him comforting a stranger (friend?) over a holiday that is the literal worst and no one should be alone on. Remus had his laptop up with the movie paused on the title screen and an already open bag of assorted valentines chocolates out on the coffee table. After a moment of thought, Remus got up to grab a beer from the kitchen before texting Sirius that he was ready. They had decided to stick to texting during the movie, Remus wasn’t ready for phone calls partially out of worry of Teddy waking up and partially because he worried the connection he and Sirius shared wouldn't survive outside of text. He liked what they had and he wasn’t ready for it to change just yet. His phone buzzed and pulled him from his thoughts

As if he had a sense of what Remus had been typing, Teddy appeared suddenly beneath his nose. Remus jumped and quickly collected himself. How did kids manage to sneak up so easily.

"Teddy, you're supposed to be in bed."

"I can't find Wolf."

"Ok, let's go find him, probably just fell under your bed."

Remus could've sworn that stuffed wolf had been in Teddy's bed when he put him to bed earlier. It had just vanished. The two looked high and low finally finding it in the bathroom of all places. Teddy had probably taken it with him and forgotten he had set it down. With his son tucked back into bed, a glass of water, and a 'just leave the door open this much', Remus returned to the couch to realize a good chunk of the movie was through. He quickly scrolled through his missed messages.

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Remus had to set his phone down for a moment because fuck him if that isn’t the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. His eyes truly are the colour of summer storm clouds, Sirius has silky black hair that has a slight curl to it but nothing on Remus’ own curls and Sirius' hung much longer, past his shoulders. In the photo it’s held half up with what looks like a pencil though Remus couldn't fully tell. He was wearing a collared shirt in the photo and the top three buttons were unbuttoned to show just the top of what looked like a very ornate tattoo that Remus definitely wasn’t hoping he got to see the rest of one day. No, Remus was absolutely not thinking of all the delicious things he would like to do to that tattooed skin and instead dully whispers to himself, “wow”. Couldn’t rid the world of this beauty indeed, Remus thought back to a conversation they’d had just yesterday. It takes him a solid minute to collect himself and type out a response.

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—--

Sirius knew he shouldn’t have just left Remus on read. Not especially after he had freaked out early on in their getting to know each other over basically the exact same thing. Sirius just couldn’t think of a way to respond. He had no right to be freaked out and yet he still was. Unable to place his finger on why, he paced his flat, tried to put a record on to ease his mind, picked up a book, and then contemplated outright calling Remus. Eventually, he pulled his boots on and grabbed his helmet. A drive might sort his head out.
The drive took him to James and Regulus’ home. James would know how to help him. Sirius hadn't told him about Remus yet. That first night at his welcome back party he had laughed about texting the wrong number; that was long before they had continued talking though. The more Sirius talked to Remus, the more he wanted to hold him close. Moony was a safe secret, just his. He wasn't ashamed of their building friendship but he was scared. He was scared that his friends would tell him this was a terrible idea, warn him about the dangers of talking to someone online, or else remind him of what happens when he falls for someone.
That is what was happening wasn't it? Sirius felt himself desiring more and more of Moony, he wanted to know everything about him. Even if all they ever had was a text conversation, Sirius wanted to talk with him all the time. He wanted to hear about his day, about the book he was currently reading or what he had for lunch or even his very opinionated thoughts on milk versus dark chocolate (Moony claimed if it wasn't milk chocolate it wasn't worth having–to which Sirius had scoffed and called him a heathen.) So why now when Remus had shared something so real about himself did Sirius run? He was so afraid of losing him and wasn't that exactly what he was doing by not replying? James will know what to do, Sirius thought.
He let himself in with his key and called out to the house though there was no need. No sooner had the door clicked shut behind him than he heard Harry’s small bare feet slapping across the wood floor. A warning sound just moments before he felt the toddler in question slam into his legs.
“Oof hey buddy. You’re getting so strong. One of these days you’re going to knock me over.” He laughed, picking the boy up from under his arms to settle him on his hip.
“Me strong Pa’foo’!” Harry exclaimed throwing his little arms around Sirius’ neck. For a kid of just over two and a half, the boy really was quite strong. “Det ba’ smoo,” he exclaimed excitedly, only repeating the phrase again and again when Sirius tilted his head to him, confused. A moment later when it was clear to the toddler that Sirius didn’t understand he wriggled out of Sirius’ arms exclaiming, “show Papa! Pa’foo’ show Papa!”
James was walking through into the entryway as Harry ran past him, to supposedly find his Papa and show him something though Sirius couldn’t understand what had prompted that.
“One of these days I’ll understand him,” he shook his head laughing as James pulled him into a hug.
“Good luck. Every day he learns more words and I understand him less and less. Reggie has no problem though.”
“The bastard,” Sirius laughed, “who would've thought he’d be the best with kids out of all us.” James shrugged. Sirius toed off his boots that he had just knelt down to untie a moment before. He headed for the living room where he plopped down on the sofa. Always for the dramatics, Sirius grabbed a pillow and mimed suffocating himself with it. James sat down in the armchair by the sofa without much concern for his best friend. He simply raised an eyebrow that Sirius couldn’t see since he was still buried underneath a pillow.
“Oh we’re having this sort of visit are we? What is it?” James asked. Sirius just groaned and pushed the pillow further into his face. James poked at his side, “Don’t make me get Haz. He’s an excellent tickler now.” Sirius removed the pillow from his face to give James a ‘try me’ look.
“I’ve been really dumb Prongs.” He admitted.
“I bet you have, how is that any different than every day th—HEY!” Sirius had smacked him with a pillow.
“I mean it.”
“Would you say you’re being serious?” They never used that word much. Peter occasionally did thinking he was oh so clever but James rarely ever did. It was a cheap last attempt at getting Sirius to talk and Sirius would have appreciated it if the situation altogether didn’t feel so terrible. Sirius sat up on the sofa and leaned his head back to the point he was staring at the ceiling. From a slightly upside down view he watched Regulus walk into the room with Harry who was happily snacking on an applesauce pouch now. Sirius frowned at them.
“What did my idiot brother do this time?”
“Oi!” Sirius protested.
“If you hadn’t been an idiot, you wouldn’t be sitting on my couch being all dramatic. Were you an idiot?” Regulus cocked an eyebrow at his brother.
“Fine. Maybe. Yes. Uuugh!” He groaned again into the pillow. “Do you know how I texted the wrong number the first night I got back in town…” and Sirius launched into a rather detailed explanation of the past two weeks and his foolish question today which had led him to freak out, “and now I feel stupid for freaking out. I don't want to lose him, it's been… it's been amazing to have someone to talk with like this. But what if he has a partner and he’s perfectly happy and oh my god I’m a homewrecker Prongs what did I do!”
James lent forward to place his elbows on his knees and as he did so he reached a hand forward to pat Sirius on the leg. “You’re not a homewrecker, mate.”
“You don’t know that! He has a four year old, if he’s got a partner too—“
“If he’s got a partner and he’s flirting with you—which he clearly is—then that’s not on you.” Regulus retorted matter of factly.
“That—that doesn’t make it any better.” Sirius said, his brother shrugged.
“So ask him.” He stood up off the arm of the armchair James was in.
“What?”
“Ask him if he’s got a partner.”
“Yeah that’ll go well. Hey I know we’ve been flirting for a few weeks now but have you been cheating on a partner you’ve never brought up?”
“Fine. Don’t ask. It seems to be going so well for you. I’m going to start on dinner, you staying Siri?”
“Yeah, I think so. That ok?”
“Of course.” Regulus nodded and left the room. The brothers seemed to have overextended their limited amount of brotherly kindness for the time being and both Sirius and James knew to leave Regulus alone in the kitchen for a while. James moved to get Harry set up with a tv show which left Sirius to his own thoughts. Something was eating at his mind.
"Why wouldn't he tell me?"
"You have only known each other for two weeks." James pointed out. "A kid… it's a big thing. I'm not saying you don't mean anything to each other but you are strangers still, you've never met him in person, you aren't dating. I don't know if I would be so forthright talking about Harry to someone I had just met."
"I thought we meant more to each other." Sirius groaned into the pillow again. "That was stupid of me wasn't it?"
“Would it be so bad?” James asked after a beat, he had sat back down now with the tv set to some cartoon Sirius had seen before but couldn't remember the name of now. His mind was stuck asking why he didn't matter enough to Remus that James' question confused him.
“What?”
“Liking someone who has a kid.” Sirius instead of answering just stared ahead pretending to be completely engrossed in the talking dogs in Harry’s program. “Pads…” James started.
“I know, Prongs, I know. This just made me realise I barely know him, he’s still a stranger to me despite…” how quickly I fell for him. Sirius leaves unsaid.
“You always do things with your whole being. Headfirst into everything.” James points out. Sirius snorts.
“That’s a kind way of saying I’m impulsive.”
“Well you are.” James laughed in a way that seemed to say you are the one who drove all the way here on a Saturday night because of one bad text.
“Yeah yeah okay.” Then because he can’t help himself, “better than heartfirst, think about it later.” Sirius nodded towards the kitchen where Regulus was still preparing dinner. James smiled fondly.
All these years later and he still could get all doey eyed. That’s how all those years previous Sirius had known it wasn’t just a fling for James. James Potter doesn’t do flings, he follows his heart and asks questions later. Sirius knew that James would follow Regulus to the bottom of a lake if it meant they’d be together forever and that look he shares only for Regulus was what stopped Sirius from landing himself in prison on the day he found out his best mate and his brother were on more than friendly terms with each other and attempting to hide it from him. Sirius shakes his head at the thought. If anyone knows about romance, it’s Prongs.
“What do I say?” He asked after a long time where the only sounds were the television dogs and Harry’s toddler laughter.
“Just be honest,” James shrugged. He placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “If he likes you as much as you like him, he’ll listen and he’ll answer.” Sirius sighed and pulled out his phone. He turned it over in his hand a few times debating his next move. He hadn’t looked at his phone since Remus had said goodbye to him several hours earlier in the day. Now a single text showed on his Lock Screen,

And what was Sirius meant to say to that?

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Everything hurt. Everything fucking hurt. His joints were leadened leaving every twitch and movement difficult. Turning his head meant a dizzying sensation and spike in tinnitus yet staying still wasn't a possibility while his hands and feet kept going numb. Everything fucking hurt.
Remus had called his mam early that morning asking if she could please come by and watch Teddy because today was not the day to try and push himself. Hope had of course come over quickly. She had brought him all his meds as well which Remus took quickly praying to any deity who would listen that the pain would ease soon. Around 8am Hope brought Remus some tea in bed. Teddy had already eaten breakfast with her and was now apparently begging to go to the park. She triple checked if Remus needed her to pick up anything. Remus declined all her offers though he knew she wouldn’t listen and would probably be back for Teddy’s nap with a pastry or book or some flowers she saw and thought were pretty. Hope Lupin’s love language was gifting and who was Remus to deny her that. So he listened to the soft click of the front door locking and slowly brought himself up to sit so he could take small sips of the tea grateful for the caffeine and heat it gave.
At least it’s a Sunday. Remus thought gratefully. His job so far in the three years he had been teaching had been understanding enough when he needed days off, certainly more understanding than all the jobs he’d held in London, but he still didn’t like to take too many days off, especially not without notice. Usually, he can feel a flare-up coming; it was like those old men who said they could sense the coming storm by their knees. This one had come on so suddenly and Remus knew he had only to blame himself.
When Sirius had abruptly stopped texting him yesterday morning, Remus had spiralled. He knew he should’ve been up front sooner. He should not have waited for Sirius to bring it up. He had just been cowardly and afraid because Teddy was the breaking point when all his past interests left. Remus hadn’t wanted this good thing to end and now it had. He couldn’t even blame Sirius, a kid is a lot to take on. He had known that when four years ago after they had brought Teddy home and even more so after Tonks left, texts and calls suddenly went unanswered. We’re so excited to meet the baby suddenly became life is so busy we should catch up soon with soon never arriving. He just had hoped more than he should’ve allowed himself to.
So last night, he had picked at his food in front of his son, eating just enough that the perceptive 4-year-old wouldn’t ask why he wasn’t eating and when the boy had finally gone to sleep after their Saturday night movie night Remus had stayed up well into the night drinking and spiralling. Lost to the negative emotions, he’d forgotten to take his nightly meds furthering the damage to his already vulnerable body. Now his body was paying him back for it in more ways than just a headache the average person would get, and it would likely be doing so for several days more.
Remus huffed into his tea and reached over his bedside table for some medications he hadn't taken earlier. Better to not perpetuate the issue further. His phone buzzed twice as he was sorting through the bottles. Remus frowned, could his mum be headed back already?

Oh, went Remus’ heart because he wanted to be mad at Sirius. Really care about. What do you say to that? His phone lay silent in his hand for several minutes after that, it seemed Sirius was leaving it to Remus to decide if there would be more contact, which he could certainly appreciate. The question was why was he opening up contact again? He had a problem with Remus, with Remus' son, it wasn't as though that part of his life was going to change.

[incoming video call Sirius Black ]

“Hi”
“....curls..”
“What? Oh my God. You know I have curls.”
“Yes but that was a photo. Now they’re all bouncy and cute. How am I meant to focus now?” Remus felt his cheeks redding and hoped he could blame it on being sick. Just to further the illusion, Remus brought the blanket up closer to his chin. “Oh, you look so cosy. I’m sorry you’re sick.”
Remus was in fact cosy. He was dressed in flannel pyjama pants and an oversized green jumper. He’d usually be wearing a beanie though he was surprisingly warm. He was covered in his usual duvet and a large rainbow afghan that Lily had made him when they had reconnected. (“If something is going to be made, it’s going to be made rainbow.” She had joked when presenting it to him.)
“It’s ok. I mean it’s not really sick sick. This just happens sometimes,” Remus trailed off and he heard Sirius hum in response and oh, he wasn’t allowed to look and sound the way he does when Remus was so mad at him. Remus briefly allowed himself the space to freak out over the fact that he was seeing and hearing Padfoot for the very first time. He tried to take in as much as he could, still worried this would be the last time he spoke with the other man.
“I’m sorry all the same and I’m sorry for yesterday. It’s inexcusable and I knew that you don’t like it when people just stop messaging you. I should have said something.” Remus drew his knees up and inclined an eyebrow at Sirius to indicate he should continue. “Right, haha, so I sort of freaked out. Oh oh but not like that, oh please don’t look at me like that.” Something broke in Remus at the sincerity of Sirius’ voice. He wanted to be mad, he wanted to be so, so mad right now and found he couldn't hold the emotion for too long.
“You think you’re the first person to run off when I mentioned my kid?” The bitterness somehow still crept into Remus’ voice.
“I… well to be honest I didn’t think about that. I’m so, so very sorry Remus. I’m sorry you’ve been treated that way before and I’m sorry I made you feel as though I was doing the same. You told me and I just didn’t know how to answer and I should’ve but I got scared…”
“Scared of talking to someone who has a fucking kid?” Remus hurt and he was tired and he could already feel tears prickling the backs of his eyes; if he stayed angry, then at least Sirius wouldn’t see him cry. “This explanation doesn’t seem to have much of an explanation to it.”
“Right, getting there, sorry. No, I wasn’t afraid of you having a kid. I have a nephew, Harry, he’s two.”
“Congratulations?”
“No ugh,” Sirius moved his face off screen for a second and when he returned he was rubbing at his face with the heel of his palm. “I’m really fucking this up. I just, the kid wasn’t the issue Remus. I think I was afraid you had a partner because you've begun to matter so much to me so quickly and I didn't want to ruin any part of your life.” And oh, this wasn’t what Remus had expected.
“What?” Came out of his mouth before he could think of the relief that this absurd confession had washed over him. Remus couldn’t help it he started to laugh out of relief, it was one of those full body laughs where your shoulders shake and everything. When he had calmed back down Remus noticed that he was staring at him with a rather odd expression. “What?” he asked again with a very different intonation. Sirius shook his head, a few stray strands of hair fell out of where they were wrapped up at the back of his head.
“Nothing. I guess I was wrong? But Remus how was I supposed to know? I thought I’d been flirting with a taken man and… oh gods, was I wrong again, oh you are taken. Oh shit…I’m so so sorry!” Remus watched helplessly as Sirius’ face completely crumpled but he honestly couldn’t make out why because he was stuck on one thing,
“Flirting?”
“Err… yeah, I probably shouldn’t have–”
“Single.”
“been doing that but– what?”
“Single, I’m single.” Remus blurted out. Oh, he was a mess.
“Oh. OH!” Sirius exclaimed, “Good. I mean err well not good but good for–right, ok.”
“Sirius?”
“Yeah?”
“You stopped texting me all day because you were worried that I was cheating on someone?” Remus was laughing again.
“Well, yeah.”
“Oh, you’re something else Sirius.”
“Something else good?” Remus laughed louder.
“Hmm to be determined.”
“It felt like the only logical explanation at the time and then there was how you were so mad at me the day after Valentine’s Day.”
“I wasn’t mad at you that day. I’m sorry again for being so rude that day.”
“No, don't you go apologising now too.”
“I feel like I need to. Especially if it’s still upsetting you enough a week later to bring it up again.” Remus sighed and shifted a bit, switching which hand he was holding the phone with and running his other hand through his hair. His fingers snagged on a knot which gave him something to focus on as he spoke. “I wasn’t mad at you. It had nothing to do with you or our valentines plans. My ex, Teddy’s other parent, was bothering me all day and I just didn’t want to deal with them. They can be really insistent. I try not to talk poorly about them, especially around Teddy, so sometimes that means the anger lingers. I still shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“And I shouldn’t have stopped talking to you yesterday. I’m sorry too.”
“So to recap this: you thought I had a partner because I have a kid and then instead of just asking me about it, you stopped talking to me?” Now that he was talking to Sirius and could see the adorable way his face contorted as he tried to explain himself, Remus couldn’t remember why he had been mad at him mere moments before.
“Right, no, my instinct was actually to run to Prongs and my brother and whinge. Which is pretty pathetic now I say it out loud.” He shook his head again and now Remus thought he was letting his hair fall on purpose so he could hide behind it.
“No, not pathetic.” Remus sighed, “I actually, err well I did the same thing when I found out about Teddy–funny enough.” He let out a soft chuckle and saw that Sirius was looking up at him in a way that indicated he was listening. “When To–when my ex told me they were pregnant… well, it wasn’t something we had planned and I sort of well…ok now I have some explaining to get into.”
“It’s ok you don’t have to explain anything.”
“No, it’s alright. I want to.”
“Then I’m listening,” Remus was sure he was melting at those words. How could Sirius have made him so sad when he made him feel so seen like this?
“Right, so the backstory is that I have this cardiac condition. It’s genetic and both my parents have the markers for it but they don’t have it themselves and they didn’t know they carried it and anyway then you have me and in the summer after I turned eleven I just kept getting sicker and sicker and the doctors couldn't figure out why. They actually couldn’t figure it out for years so my parents had to pull me from school with how sick I was and I was in and out of hospital all the time. Then finally when I was fifteen my doctor here sends me to a specialist in London and he figured it out right away. Tests my parents just to be sure and puts me on this medicine and it’s like finally, my body isn’t tearing itself apart anymore. The meds work really well, I’ve been on them since and even though I still get sick pretty often it’s not anything as bad as before.”
“And Teddy?” Sirius has a look on his face that Remus can’t quite make out but he’s grateful it isn’t the pity he usually receives.
“As far as we know he doesn’t have it. He likely carries the gene from me but he seems otherwise unaffected. When my ex was telling me though, I had no way of knowing. I just panicked and thought I had just condemned another kid–my own kid–to exactly the hell I had and have to endure. It hasn’t been an easy thing to live with and um,” Remus swallowed hard at the lump rising in his throat. If he was confessing things he might as well tell Sirius every part of this story, “Well there was a time when I was fourteen when…well when I, um, tried to take my own life.”
“Oh, Remus,” There was a deep sadness in Sirius’ expression that Remus couldn’t look at for long so he looked away, staring at nothing in particular as he continued his story.
“Right so my ex told me and I thought what life am I giving this child and I’m not proud of it, I ran. I… thankfully I ran into someone I knew and he rather effectively talked some sense into me. I went back the next day.” Remus was playing with the lip of his now empty tea mug nervously and glanced back at his phone to see Sirius’ reaction to this story. He hadn’t expected to be sharing all his secrets today. Then again he hadn't expected to be talking to Sirius again after yesterday. He looked up and noticed Sirius had a puzzled look on his face.
“And Teddy’s other parent, they’re your ex?” He spoke hesitantly as if still expecting Remus to say ‘surprise I lied to you’.
“Yeah, we tried, really we did but the pregnancy was hard for them mentally and physically. Then when Teddy was here things weren’t easy. He was so small when he was born and they kept him for a while in hospital. Then when he was home with us he didn’t want to eat or sleep or anything at first. It was really stressful, and it was way too much for my ex. They left when Teddy was only a few months old.”
“Shit. That’s, really, just awful, a real shit situation.”
“Yeah it was it really was but I honestly can’t blame them for it. I ran too.”
“You came back.” As if that changed anything.
“Right yeah anyway that’s how it ended up just me and Teddy.” Remus concluded with a wave of his hand. At that moment he heard some noises at the front door, was it already after lunch? Had they been talking that long? “I think I hear my mam and Teddy back. Sorry I’ve got to go.”
“That’s alright. Hey Remus?”
“Yeah?” Remus heard the front door open and his mam’s voice lilt out that they were home.
“Thanks. Thanks for sharing that with me.”
“Thanks for listening.” Remus responded sincerely before having to end the call as a flash of blue hair and pure excitement jumped onto his bed.

Chapter Text

Remus hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to Sirius after everything the day before. His mam had indeed come back with a small token of love, this time in the form of a cupcake from the bakery in town. Teddy had excitedly told him about the cupcake he had already eaten with his lunch that day; it had been a blueberry and lemon cupcake and according to his toddler the lemon was delicious and just sour enough but the blueberry reminded him of worms. Whatever that meant. Remus had laughed along with his mother and had agreed when she said he ought to try and nap while Teddy was down for his own. She was shocked he hadn’t already taken that morning to sleep and not wanting to explain the whole I might be falling for a stranger who texted the wrong number story to his mother, Remus waved away her concern by saying he must’ve gotten overly distracted by an app on his phone and he would sleep now.

He felt so much better having just talked to Sirius that morning and was able to rest plenty. He still wasn’t well enough to work Monday and had called his headteacher just before dinner to let him know he would need a substitute. He had been understanding enough and Remus had assured him that he’d be back for classes Tuesday, even if he knew he’d have to depend on his cane most of the day and would have to pass off his after school duties to another teacher. So between resting and getting things set up for a substitute the next day as well as checking in with Lily that she could cover for him with Queer Club and his Tuesday duties, Remus hadn’t opened his text conversation with Sirius since he had ended the call.

Today he was doing better though. It was mid-morning and he had just seen Hope and Teddy off for the day and gone back to his bed. However, with all the extra sleep from the day before, he really didn't feel like sleeping more. So Remus pulled up a comfort show on his laptop. As the show was loading, he took a look at his texts.

And oh, oh that was a lovely feeling wasn’t it. They talked for about a half hour more about nothing in particular, Sirius talking about some upcoming projects and about little things around his studio and Remus finding himself interested in everything he had to say. Eventually Sirius did have to leave, “I’m not leaving just going to go silent for a bit. Texting and painting don’t really work well together.” Remus returned to his show and even managed a nap before Teddy was running into his room to tell him all about the dog he’d seen at the playground today. You and Sirius would get along so well, the thought struck the laughter still and he had to swallow around a lump that had replaced the laughter. Was he really thinking of Sirius meeting his son? They were friends, sure, but that seemed like such a terrifying thought at the moment. Remus pushed the thought out of his mind quickly.

“Come on Teds, let’s see what we’re going to have for dinner.” The three, because of course his mam had brought dinner with her, settled at the table and soon everything was a whirlwind of bedtime routine. The thought of his son and any possible meeting with Sirius quickly growing dim in Remus’ mind.

Chapter Text

“Teddy, where are your gloves!”
“What?”
“Teddy!”
“What Da!”
“Ugh hang on,” they were running late, Remus was moving slowly and Teddy was just behaving like a normal toddler. Remus could feel his patience leaving faster than any rational thought could just in. He poked his head into his son’s room and asked sharply. “Gloves, where are they?”
“I don’t know,” Teddy exaggerated the vowels. To add to his father’s frustrations, the boy was still playing with his toys despite the many warnings he had already received to clean them up.
“Please Teds, think. Where did you put them?”
“I don’t know,” his voice grew even more whiny. Remus groaned he didn’t need this today.
“Fine, you can take mine.”
“No Da, they’re too big!”
“They’ll be fine, better than cold fingers.”
“No, no, no, no!” Great, they were in tantrum territory.
“Come on Teddy, we’re late already. Put away your toys now”
“NO!” He screeched, his voice reaching a decibel only capable in small children.
“Enough! We’re already late and we have to go! Just do as you're told!” Remus yelled. He immediately regretted raising his voice as he saw his son’s face drop. The toddler’s entire body slumped and he turned away from his father completely. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed out a sigh. “Come on Teddy, we have to go.”
A crestfallen mood hung over the rest of their morning. They were so late that Hope had to meet them in the school parking lot to get Teddy which threw him into yet another tantrum from the change in routine. Remus, who was really bordering late on his first class, had to attempt a kiss to a flailing Teddy’s head and yell a thank you to his mother while she worked to get him into her car. In Remus’ rush to get to class a student accidentally kicked out at his cane and Remus had to catch himself on the wall with his other hand. The student was immensely apologetic and Remus assured them that they weren’t in any trouble whatsoever. Though he silently thought how he really hadn't need that extra adrenaline this morning.
It felt as though he had run a marathon by the time he sat at his desk. Remus assigned his students some reading work and took the time to unpack his bag and recollect his breath. Great, he had forgotten his phone. Remus pulled up his work computer and sent a quick email to Lily asking if she could text Hope and let her know the call the school if anything came up. He closed his computer again and pulled forward his lesson planner with a sigh, this was going to be a long day.
By the time Remus picked Teddy up from his parents the boy had forgotten all about the morning tantrums and missing gloves, which had turned up in Hope’s car in the end, though Remus’ mood was still pretty sour. All of his remaining energy went into making sure their evening routine was as normal as possible so that by the time Teddy was tucked in bed, Remus absolutely collapsed right on the couch. He would have to move to his bed later else he does even more damage to his already aching joints but for now the couch and scrolling on his phone sounded heavenly.

[incoming audio call Sirius]
“Hi”
“Hi”
“Hi”
“You do sound sleepy.”
“I am but it’s not too bad.”
“Good I’ve missed talking to you.”
“I’ve missed talking to you too. Can’t believe I left my phone at home.”
“It happens.”
“What if something had happened to Teddy though, I can’t forget my phone!”
“Nothing happened to him.”
“Yeah, but what if it had!”
“It didn’t though. Teddy is fine. Plus if something had happened, your mum would have just called the school. You weren’t completely unreachable, it’s ok.”
“It’s just irresponsible.”
“It really isn’t.” There was a silence over the phone where Remus contemplated yelling that Sirius couldn’t possibly understand because he wasn’t a parent but he knew that wasn’t fair. Thankfully Sirius broke the silence a moment later. “Would you like to talk more about your day?”
“Not really.”
“That’s ok, did you want to go to bed?”
“No not yet, could you just talk?” Remus suppressed a yawn and decided he should probably make his way to his bed before he fell asleep on the couch.
“Sure, want me to talk about anything in particular?”
“Nah, how was your day? I’m sorry I’ve talked so much about myself.”
“It’s ok, Moons. My day was good, different than I expected. Harry wasn’t feeling well and Prongs and Reggie both had busy days they couldn’t rearrange so I offered to watch him since my work is more flexible at the moment.”
“Is he doing ok?”
“Hmm? Haz? Yeah, just a snotty nose but they didn’t want to chance him getting anyone else sick at daycare. Plus this way he could rest in his own house, you know.”
“Mmhmm.”
“Right of course you know, duh. I still can’t believe you have a kid.” Remus, who had been at the point of closing his eyes, sat up sharply.
“Sorry?” He said without really meaning the apology.
“No, not like that.” Sirius hastily tried to explain. “I mean it in the same way I’m still shocked I have a nephew. Who gave my baby brother the ability to be a parent? I know he’s a full adult, a responsible parent with a proper career and a mortgage and everything and yet sometimes I just have to sit there in awe. Am I not still fifteen?”
“Sorry to break it to you but you’re twice that.”
“Gross.”
“Extremely.”
“Righ—Oi! You’re making fun of me now.”
“Yeah but only a little and I’ve had a bad day.”
“Yeah alright.”
“Thirty isn’t old don’t worry, and if it is you’re in good company.” Remus tried to suppress yet another yawn as he said this.
“You sound really tired. Are you sure you don’t want to try to get some rest?”
“It’s ok, can you keep talking?”
“Sure, Rem. Hmm let’s see what can I tell you about. Oh here’s a story from when I was at boarding school.
So our school had this large lake and on warmer days we could take boats out onto it or go swimming. In the winter it would even freeze over so we could skate on it, the school even had skates you could rent out. There was this rumour about the lake that it contained all sorts of mystical creatures; merpeople and kappas and grindylows and the like. Though there was one rumour in particular I think the older students used to keep the younger ones away when they wanted to have the lake to themselves that there was a giant squid within the lake. Which even then was mental because how could a deep ocean animal survive in a lake but there it was and it did scare off several of the younger students. Not us though. In our third year James and I decided we would bring that rumour to life. So we broke into the art classroom over a weekend when most students were allowed out to the local village and we brought all these supplies back to our dorm. It looked like a craft shop explosion for weeks. Finally it was ready and as soon as the lake began to thaw out we snuck out overnight and placed a life sized twelve metre giant squid in the lake. It stayed there for a few weeks, no one tried to get it out but everyone, even the teachers, was talking about it. When the lake finally thawed we think it sunk to the bottom, might still be there because we tried to use mostly waterproof materials and all. So I guess the lake has a giant squid in it after all now. … Remus?”
“…”
“… goodnight Moony.”
[call ended]

Chapter Text

[incoming audio call Sirius]

“Alright?”

“Hi”

“So your brother and your best mate,” Remus prompts him, shuffling some essays in front of him in case anyone pokes their head in, knowing full well that he wasn’t going to grade a single one.

“Yeah so I never saw it coming. First off I didn’t know James was into guys at all so shock there and second as I said before James was massively gone with this girl.”

“Doe?” Remus interrupted.

“Yeah, Doe.” Sirius chuckled. Remus heard city noises behind his laugh and wondered if Sirius was walking to his studio. “I guess that starts way back when we were eleven. We were placed in our houses and Doe was placed in the same as James, Pete, and I. James is immediately love struck. All he can talk about is her that first night there. Pete and I are trying to get to know each other and there James is prattling on about this girl. So then finally Pete who grew up down the street from James so they know each other well enough makes him a bet. I suspect it was just to get him to shut up but who knows. I don’t actually remember the bet now, Pete was going to do something embarrassing if James could get Doe to go out with him by Christmas or something. Only by December it was clear that wouldn’t happen and the bet just kept getting delayed and delayed and delayed.”

“Never did happen?”

“Nope. She was very much not into him and Prongs was very oblivious to that fact. Around end of fifth into sixth year, he started leaving her alone more. They actually became closer friends too because of that. Not like hang out all the time friends. They’d just study together or sit together at meals. We just thought our Prongsie boy was growing up.”

“One would expect so by sixteen.”

“Ha well he was growing up a bit but more in a proper full on gay crisis kind of way more than a realised asking a girl out constantly is really annoying sort of way.”

“Oh I remember having that one.” Remus chuckled fondly.

“Yeah me too,” Sirius agreed with a laugh. “I should have recognized the signs. Poor Prongs. Anyway, so he becomes really close to Doe in the end and we tease him quite a bit about it, Pete and I do. He insists they’re just friends after all this time he’s spent pining after her. Then at the start of seventh year Prongs is super elusive. He and Doe are now head boy and girl and so Pete and I have this bet that he’s finally won her over. That is until I catch him snogging my fucking brother in an empty classroom.” Remus can’t help but laugh at the exaggerated anger in Sirius' voice. At least he hopes it’s exaggerated this many years later.

“Oh no really?” Remus jokingly asked as if he didn’t know how the story ended.

“So then I kick him out of the dorms but then Reg points out that James can just stay in his dorm then so James got unkicked out of the dorm but I wasn’t happy about it.” There was a pause when all Remus heard were the city noises behind Sirius. “So that’s the story of Prongs and my brother.”

“Pretty funny story and they’ve been together since.”

“Sure have. Marriage, white picket fence, working on the two point five kids. Well joke there, they’ve got Haz and they joke about more I don’t think they’re actually planning that though.”
“Beautiful love story.”

“They are disgustingly in love. Something I never expected for my brother.”

“No?”

“Prongs is the one who is all soft and squishy. Reg on the other hand has the toughest outer layer of anyone. People flock to Prongs and jump out of the way from Reg. It works for them somehow.” Sirius made a small noise as if to express it is what it is. Remus laughed.

“I have to go.” Remus said abruptly, not sure if Sirius could hear the bell that just shocked him out of his laughter. “I lose track of time too easily with you.”

“Go create the next bestselling author.” He was laughing when he hung up the phone.

[call ended]

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

The painting was hauntingly gorgeous. It was a medium sized canvas piece. In the centre, there was a man stood facing away from the viewer, his neck bent down looking at something just beyond his right foot. He was naked except for a dark (perhaps green though the lighting of the photo made it hard to tell) flowing cloth draped across his body. His back was free of the cloth and was covered in cuts and semi-healed scars that criss crossed in a violent pattern. His left hand crossed his body to grasp tightly over his right shoulder, fingers pulling the skin taut in pain; where fingernails scraped at his shoulder was a splattering of red and gold paints. The man’s right hand was in a fist at his side, veins jutted out along the man’s arm from how tightly it was closed around a crushed box of matches.

Dark black hair was sheared short in an uneven fashion as if a haircut had either happened in a hurry or with some struggle. It was flecked with grey ash sprinkled like stars in the night sky. In front of the man and the background of the painting, a dark bricked townhouse stood. No lights or warmth emanated from the house except for in spots where it was on fire. Flames curled through the windows lifting dark black and grey smoke to surround what would have been any other houses had they been drawn. It was such powerful artwork, Remus was in awe trying to take it all in and this was just a photo of it, he expected it was even more breathtaking in person.

“Hi!”

“Hi,” Sirius sounded a bit more subdued than he usually did, confirming Remus’ thoughts.

“Are you doing alright?” Remus didn’t specify why though he hoped his meaning was clear to Sirius and if he didn’t want to talk about it then he could pretend Remus was just after his general well-being.

“It brings up a lot of emotions. Not all bad, just difficult.”

“That makes sense to me. Even neutral emotions can take energy from you.”

“They can, though they aren’t fully neutral either.”

“Mmhmm I understand that. Would it help more for you to talk or listen to me talk?”

“Either way. How was work today?”

“Not bad. Nothing sticks out, just ordinary work. Teens are great fun.”

“I hear that a lot. Prongs works with teenagers too.”

“Oh yeah? What does he do?”

“He’s in social work. Mostly works with teens in the foster care system.”

“Important work, that.”

“It is.”

“And Regulus, you said he’s back in school?”

“Part time, yeah. He works for a nonprofit for queer youth.”

“And they have a toddler,” Remus made an impressed noise. “They must be busy.”

“They are. You know I should probably offer to take Harry for the night soon. He was so much smaller last time he was over at my flat.”

“That’d be nice. Probably less likely to destroy things. It’s so much nicer when they’re older.” Sirius laughed at this.

“It is. Last time I was over he yelled at me for trying to help him down the stairs. It’s all about ‘me do it’ now.”

“It doesn’t stop.” Remus punctuated every word of his sentence. The independence stage was really a curse as much as it was a blessing. Though at almost five now, Teddy was getting the hang of asking when he needed help as well as doing things very well independently.

“You’re enjoying your kid free time then?”

“I love my son more than anything and yes gods yes. You’ll be giving James and Regulus the world’s best gift if you take Harry for even just the day.”

“Yeah…” they were silent for a moment after that. It was a comfortable silence, though Remus worried still that Sirius was in his own head. Their conversation felt stilted today after Sirius had shared.

“Tell me more about them?”

“Hmm, what?”

“James and Regulus. They’re important to you. Tell me about them.” Remus suspected if he could just get Sirius talking about something he loves it would help him remember some of the pleasant things in his life. At least that’s something the therapist he saw as a teen used to say.

“Oh I don’t know what to say.”

“Anything really. What’s something either of them do that makes you smile?”

“Hmm… here’s a happy memory though it starts a bit sad so bare with me. I told you when Reggie ran away from our parents and came to me we fought quite a bit.” Remus made a sound of affirmation for Sirius to continue. “Reggie really connected with James. Maybe now it makes a lot more sense though I don’t think it was anything romantic at first. Reggie just trusted James, he was the first to be told—" Sirius cut himself off, “Reggie just told James a lot of personal stuff in that week before we returned to school. I was a jealous wreck about it, seventeen and still horribly selfish, thought he should be talking to me, his brother. Now I’m just so grateful he had someone he trusted to talk to. I found out much later that Regulus couldn’t sleep well and he’d go out to the garden. James found him one night and just laid next to him so he wouldn’t have to be alone. Apparently this turned into a thing. Before they’d go to sleep they would go out to the garden and look at the stars for a bit and then come back inside.”

“Stop, that's too sweet. Please tell me they still do this today.”

“Definitely not every night but I think so.”

“This is what we mean when we say we need more queer love in the world.”

“I have to pretend to be disgusted because it’s my brother and all but they’re really fucking cute.” Remus started fidgeting with a toy Teddy had left in his car. He didn’t want to admit it was the kind of love he dreamed he would be so lucky to have though he feared he had missed his chance. He wished to be understood by someone and to understand them in the way it sounded like James and Regulus had. To care for someone so much you’d lay on the cold spring ground to make sure they were alright. “You went quiet, where did you go?”

“Just thinking.” Remus admitted though he didn’t want to talk about it. “Are you doing any better?”

“Yeah actually. That was a good trick.”

“Not a trick,” Remus laughed. “Sometimes it helps to remember something good.”

“It did. Help that is. Thanks.”

“Anytime.” Remus heard some rustling in the background, "You just get home?"

"Yeah, just looking for something to eat. I've been living off takeaway too much this week. Don't suppose crisps count as a meal?"

"They sometimes do." Remus laughed considering the appalling foods he sometimes considered a 'meal' when he wasn't responsible for feeding a four-year-old.

"Aha!" Sirius exclaimed. "Found something moderately resembling food in the freezer. Hold on, I'm switching you to speaker." He did so and they remained on the phone together for some time after that, Sirius cooking and Remus listening as he ended up more and more at ease. Eventually, Remus noticed the time and had to hang up to get his son. Even with the knowledge they would just be texting all night, Remus still was sad when the call ended. Some days it felt so easy to talk to Sirius and he never wanted that to end.

Chapter Text

“hello?”

“Why are you mean to me, Moony?” Sirius’ voice wasn’t as slurred as his texting was though it was clear he had had quite a bit to drink. Remus sighed and sat up in bed.
“I’m really not. I’ll back off if it bothers you though.”

“It’s been four months Moons—FOUR!” Sirius barrelled through ignoring Remus’ question. “Why? I’m at least an eight aren’t I?”

“In your earlier outfit: ten. Easy.” Fucking fifteen is Remus was honest with himself. Sirius let out a groan of frustration in reply.

“Why!” Sirius dragged out the ending sound of that question.

“Are you asking why you’re hot?”

“Erm, no?” Remus chuckled because Sirius didn’t sound sincere in his answer at all.

“Maybe another day Padfoot, not when you’ve been drinking and it’s past midnight.”

“Oh shit it’s late for you!”

“It’s ok.”

“But what about Teddy?”

“I’ll put on cartoons and he’ll think I’m a hero. It’s ok.”

“I just hate this so much.” He heard him sigh in the background. Then the distinct sounds of a car stopping and a few moments later the door slamming shut.

“I know, Pads.” Remus replied because he didn’t know what else to say.

“I like when you call me that.”

“Hmm, Pads?”

“Yeah. Makes me feel warm.” Sirius sighed and then swore under his breath.

“Are you ok?”

“Dropped my keys.” There was some rustling and then, “home. Alone but home.” Remus wasn’t sure what to say but Sirius kept talking anyway, “Wanna know a secret?”

“Not if you’ll regret telling me in the morning.”

“I’m not that drunk.” Which he did say with surprising clarity.

“I believe it. Still don’t say anything you don’t want to tell me, ok Pads?”

“Mmm. I want to tell you everything.” Sirius hummed and he was silent for a while that Remus was worried he had fallen asleep until he heard so quietly. “You’re so beautiful.”

“I’m not.”

“Oh but you are Moony and I don’t just mean your face, which is beautiful for the record, dare I say hot with that mmm just all of you. I’m getting off track but I mean you, all of you. You’re so fucking beautiful and I wish you knew that as much as I do.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“Yes I do.”

“This isn’t a conversation for today, Sirius.”

“Oh I’m Sirius now?”

“Yes. You are. You should go to bed now.”

“Don’t want to.”

“Go to bed Pads, can you do that for me?” Remus’ voice softened.

“I’ll do anything for you, Moons.”

“Nos da.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Good night.”

“Oh, good night Moony.” Remus tried to ignore the hurt in Sirius’ voice.

Chapter Text

“Allo?” Sirius sounded distracted and maybe a little irritated. “Mais qu’est-ce q—“

“Hello?”

“Oh Moony. Sorry I thought you were Regulus.”

“Oh. Were you expecting a call from him?” Had he not been clear earlier that he was going to call? Maybe he should’ve texted first.

“No. I wasn’t,” Sirius chuckled. “Not sure why… anyway. Hi Moony.”

“Hi.”

“So what’s up?” Sirius spoke with a no nonsense tone, getting right to it.

“What?” Remus tried to play as if he had no idea.

“I upset you last night.”

“You didn’t.”

“Please I don’t remember, could you tell me what I did so I can fix it? I don’t like this tension.” Sirius had a small whine to his voice that made Remus soften. He tried not to think on how Sirius could break through his walls so easily.

“It wasn’t you as much as what you said.” Remus admitted.

“How is that different?”

“It just is.”

“Explain it to me,” Sirius challenged. Remus took a deep breath and wondered where to start.

"I want to meet you on Friday, but once we meet I'm afraid you're not going…" Remus trailed off trying to get his thoughts together. "People don't stick around for me. You say you know me, but you don't know all of me and once you do… once we meet…" He couldn't finish his thought, once we meet you'll realise I'm not worth knowing.

"I promise I won't leave."

"You can't promise that." Remus felt his anger rising.

"Yes, I can. Remus, I don't know what's happened that has made you so distrustful and I don't need to know. Someone has hurt you and I don’t have a clue how they could ever do that. Now you can explain or not explain that in your own time. However, I can speak for myself and I can assure you that I genuinely like talking to you, sharing with you, hearing how your day is, everything and I am not leaving."

"You don't even know me."

"You keep saying that, and I'm telling you that it's ok that I don't. If we had met in person, at a coffee shop or school or mutual friends, whatever, would you feel like I knew you any better?" Remus really thought on this question. He had 'real life' friends who knew much less about him than what he had shared with Padfoot. Hell, he had some friends he wasn't even sure knew he was bi and that was one of the first things he had shared with him. Some things they knew immediately of course, things like his scars which were hard to hide but Padfoot already knew the things he didn't share with others. He told him about his day, his fears, his relationship with his parents, even things he didn't talk about with Lily.

"I suppose not."

"Exactly. Now, I'm not going to push you into meeting. If you only ever want to keep this friendship online, I'm ok with that. Whatever means I get to keep talking to you because Remus, and I mean this whole heartedly, I am not leaving. I want to be your friend. I want to talk to you."

“I shouldn’t keep asking for these reassurances.”

“I will tell you as many times as you need me too. Nothing you have said so far has concerned me, except for the brief moment when I thought something that wasn’t true. Nothing that has actually been true has made me want to be any less your friend. I don’t see how anything else could.”

"I–I don't know what to say. Thank you?"

"You don't need to thank me for being a decent human being. I'm so sorry that others couldn't extend the same kindness to you."

"Right." Remus closed his eyes simply reflecting on Padfoot's words.

"Moony?"

"Hmm?"

"I really do care about you. I hope you know that. I don't talk to anyone else like I can talk to you. I don't think I've ever been able to talk to anyone else like how I can with you."

"Not even Prongs?" Sirius hummed a sad sound in agreement.

"No, not even Prongs. He's the only one who knows me truly and fully. After all, he's known me since we were eleven, he was there when I ran away, when I was ready to drop out of school, everything. But there's something about you, Moons, I can't talk to him like I can to you. It's not better or worse, just different."

"Hmm." Remus hummed. He felt so vulnerable suddenly and he understood what Sirius had meant last night about feeling all warm when he had called him 'Pads' because hearing 'Moons' in that sincere voice filled Remus with such warmth.

"Would you like to know about the painting?" Sirius cut through his thoughts.

"Oh, uh, yes but that's only curiosity. I don't want you to feel on the spot."

"I don't. I want you to know that you can trust me."

"I trust you." Remus found that he did, he truly believed that beneath their fun-hearted texting, Sirius really was someone to trust. Sirius wanted to be his friend as much as Remus wanted to be his.

"So trust that I can look out for myself. I'm not telling you anything because I feel on the spot or anything. I want to tell you this."

"Okay." Remus heard a noise in the background, pencil scratching on paper, and he wondered if Sirius doodled when he was nervous.

"I painted it the night I went back to my parent's home." Sirius started slowly, more scratches of pencil on paper filled the air between his words. "After Regulus ran away, escaped more like; he had things still there, school stuff and personal items. At first I told him we could just replace the school stuff and explain to his professors but Mum (that is James' mum) said that was nonsense and she would go talk with our parents. I couldn't let her go alone and I knew Regulus couldn't go. Maybe it was me trying to make up for not protecting him so I went with her. It wasn't as awful as I had expected, maybe because Effie was there. Maybe because I knew I would be leaving, they couldn’t lock me up anymore. She talked with my parents, explained she was taking full responsibility and custody of us both. It was like my parents didn't even care, they didn't even look at me the entire time I was there but that was fine, I had a task anyway. I got all of Reggie's stuff he had asked me to grab and we left. I took one last look at the house, the house I had spent most of my childhood in, and I realised it had nothing left for me. It could burn for all I cared and it wouldn't even be a tragedy. When we got back home I shut myself in my room for a few days and I painted that. I burned my childhood house and I let the smoke carry away any lingering sentimental thoughts I had for it. I had my home, I had my brother back, I had James, I had Effie and Monty; my parents had nothing for me and they never had anything to offer anyway."

"Wow, Pads… that must have been so difficult to go through."

"Yes and no, I had already said my goodbyes to that house before. My only regret was Regulus and now I had him back. They couldn't hurt me anymore." Remus thought of the scars and cuts on the man's (boy he supposed now that he knew the subject) back in the painting. They had done that to him, to a kid! How could anyone hurt a kid like that? It filled him with such anger and he suddenly wanted to wake Teddy just to give him a hug and reassurances of love.

"They can't ever hurt you again." Remus gritted out. He didn't care that he was over a decade late.

"No." Sirius agreed. "They haven't touched either of us since. My father died a few years ago, cancer. As far as I know mother is still alive, we have no contact."

"I'm so sorry, Padfoot." Remus didn't know if this rightfully portrayed his relief at the situation so he added, "I'm so glad that you and Regulus got out."

"Me too." Sirius sighed. “The painting is sort of supposed to represent both of us at the points when we both left. I don’t know if Regulus has gotten his closure like I did that day, we don’t talk about it much, but that’s why it’s at his house. It’s as much a part of him as it is a part of me.”

“It really is stunning.”

“Thanks,”

“Can I ask you something?”

“The scars?”

“Erm, no. Those I figured out. Unless you want to talk about it?”

“Not much to say on it. They raised us but they weren’t parents.”

“Mmm. I’m so sorry, Pads.” They fell silent for a moment.

“You had a question?”

“Oh right. The red and gold, it’s the only real colour in the painting, what does it mean?”

“House colours at school. They always made me think of being brave. That’s where Prongs and Wormtail were, the first people who taught me what love could look like, and where I really learned it was okay to be me.”

“I’ll try to wear more red around you. You should always feel okay to be you.”

“Thanks,” Remus could hear the smile in his voice. "Regulus was really brave too when he left, the green is for him and his school house. It's been thirteen years since Regulus left and I still feel so much guilt sometimes. I didn’t know they were hurting him too, they never did when I was still at home; I always protected him. I know it isn't my fault, we've worked through that bit together. I've worked through it, but I should have burned that house down and forced him to leave with me when I left."

"Would he have followed?"

"No, I don't think so. So I know there's no use worrying about it. Sometimes that's difficult to do and sometimes I forget completely. We're so different and so much better than we were back in that house. The painting reminds me that we're both safe now, you know?"

"Yeah. Thank you for sharing with me."

"Thank you for being someone I can trust. I really cannot wait to meet you, Moony."

"I can't wait to meet you either." Remus could genuinely say that. It might take a while for him to fully trust that Sirius meant what he said but in the moment, he could believe it and he did want to meet the other man. They stayed on the line for quite a while after that until Remus announced that he had to get to bed or run the risk of being too tired to teach his first period in the morning. Sirius let him go and Remus noted that they both seemed to be connecting a lot better than they had over the last few days.

[call ended]

Chapter Text

“I’m meeting him on Friday.”

“What!” Lily practically leaped over his desk to grab at Remus’ hands. They were eating lunch in his classroom again. “Tell me everything.”

“There’s nothing to tell. I have to go to London for my appointment, he lives in London. Tickets are expensive and I figured if I’m already buying them then I might as well.”

“And he wants to see you too.” She said it as a statement of fact which Remus only felt slightly off-put about.

“It’s not some big romantic thing Lils, we’re friends.”

“Cariad, it’s ok to let yourself have a crush you know?”

“I know, there’s a lot to it though.”

“He knows now right? You said you told him about Teddy.”

“Yeah we talked about it and he knows about my condition. I just…” Remus trailed off.

“Remus,”

“Yeah?”

“I know what you’re thinking and stop it right now. He’s going to love you.”

“What if when he sees me in person he realises I’m not … I don’t know, not as interesting or not what he expected? What if he realises I’m not worth it with the chronic illness and the mental health and the whole kid thing.”

“What if he realises you are worth it? Because you are, cariad. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like he’s just as gone for you as you are for him too.” It’s not that Remus doesn’t want to believe her. He would love more than anything to believe Lily about this particular issue. It’s that no one has ever allowed him to believe it’s possible. Even after his talk with Sirius over the weekend, the nagging part of his brain that still told him he wasn't worth it overtook his thoughts. Lily rummaged in her bag and pulled out a chocolate bar. "Eat, you'll feel better." She said, pressing the chocolate into his hand.

"What do you call this?" Remus gestured to his lunch in front of him. "I'm eating."

"Not the right food, chocolate fixes the mind. Unless you're saying no to it." Lily teased and tried to pull the chocolate back but Remus closed his fist around it.

"No, it's mine now." He countered, unwrapping it and taking a bite.

“This is a good thing for you. Remus, I’ve never seen you happier and that’s saying something because I was right next to you at that Taylor Swift concert.”

“Oh shut it, I went for you.”

“Mmhmm and you just happened to know every word?”

“Because someone played all her albums nonstop the entire summer!”

“Someone didn’t complain. Don’t worry I won’t tell mystery phone boy about it.”

“Like I’m ever giving you his number.” For good measure he grabbed his phone off the desk and shoved it into his pocket.

“I am absolutely meeting him.” Lily had that spark in her eye that Remus knew meant she was not to be talked out of this.

“Ugh fine but not before I do.”

“No no of course not. Maybe for your birthday.” Remus guffawed at this. His birthday was in ten days with a small get together planned for the Saturday before. Lily had to be joking but she still had that determined look on her face.

“Next week? No, absolutely not.”

“Whatever you say.” Lily smiled at him and then with a quick glance at the clock she groaned and started to throw her things back in her bag. “Ready to inspire tomorrow’s leaders?”

“Today?” He quirked an eyebrow. “Today we just keep them alive until final bell.” Remus joked.

“That’s the spirit.”

Chapter Text

Remus had arrived at a lucky time to get a table on the patio. It was a warmer day for the beginning of March and Remus always preferred to sit outside even in the winter. He was facing the street, though he wasn’t sure which side Sirius would be arriving from, so he found himself searching down the street every few minutes. Would he be walking? Would he have taken his motorbike? Remus wasn’t sure why he was so nervous today, it was just Sirius. He knew Sirius. Sure it had only been a month that they had been talking but it was a month of getting to know Sirius and sharing of himself in a way he never has with anyone else. This would be more than ok. Anyway, the rational part of his brain reminded him that they were doing all the safe things, meeting in public and all of that. What could happen?

At Sirius’ text, Remus looked up, he was absentmindedly tearing up a napkin in his lap. Sirius was only a shop over and when Remus looked up he gave a small wave. Remus felt all the breath leave his lungs when Sirius smiled at him. How was he meant to breathe when Sirius was just so… so perfect. He was in a basic pair of ripped black jeans that suited him perfectly, a faded band t-shirt, and a fitted leather jacket, probably the one Sirius had mentioned he owned. As Sirius got closer Remus noticed that the jacket was adorned with a variety of pins though he couldn’t make out any of them yet.

“Hello beautiful.” Sirius grinned down at him. Up close Remus tried to take in all of him. He smiled at his “be gay do crimes” pin and appreciated that he also had the new gay flag that included the trans colours instead of the older rainbow flag pinned just beneath it. He had an array of silver rings across his fingers that momentarily distracted Remus before he looked back up to his face.

“Hi, I uh, already ordered, didn’t want to lose out on a table,” he indicated to the very busy cafe. “Is outside ok?”

“Perfect.” Sirius considered the queue, “I’d best go in before it gets any longer. Don’t miss me too much when I’m gone.” And he honest to god winks at Remus as he passes him and enters the cafe. Remus is attempting to give himself a pep talk when his phone buzzes against the table.

Remus felt his cheeks heating up, pep talk abandoned completely. He thinks he might honestly perish right there. It’s not as though they hadn’t been flirting before in their texts but that was just fun, innocent even. Now that he's seen Sirius in person, he couldn't quiet the part of his brain that was asking for it to become more real. Though he reminded himself, their flirting didn’t mean anything beyond a symptom of their boredom and natural flirtatious personalities he suspected. Remus looked back at his phone but it remained silent, Sirius must’ve ended up texting the actual Prongs.

“Should I be worried that someone else has your attention?” Sirius dropped into the chair across from Remus. Remus screwed his face up into a look of concern.

“This guy has texted me. I think he has the wrong number. Think I should reply?” Sirius considered this for a moment, putting up a good show of being in deep contemplation.
“Best not to. He could be some creep.”

“Worse, what if he’s a gorgeous posh artist?”

“Oh that would be way worse. Best to put your phone away. Maybe even change your number and move to another country entirely. France is quite nice this time of year. Let’s go together right now.” Sirius made a show of grabbing Remus’ hand as if he was going to jump up right there and run to the airport. Remus frowned down at his phone.

“I could just block him.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“I would never.” He smiled then really looked at Sirius. Remus took in his face; his hair was down today and fell slightly into his eyes, beautiful grey that they are. He was wearing eyeliner, of course he was, and those sharp cheekbones didn’t seem so cold up close. He even had a dimple, just one, on his left side. “Hi,” Remus breathed.

“Hi.” Sirius replied. He leaned forward onto his elbows. “Still nervous?”

“Not as much.”

“Good.” Abruptly he lifted off his elbows and leaned back in his chair. His hair flopped down over his shoulders resembling dog ears and it made Remus smile.

“You are more puppy like in person.” Remus considered.

“Aren’t I?” Sirius smiled broadly and then regarded Remus for the briefest of moments running his eyes over him before saying, “I won’t bite though promise, unless you want me to.” He winked and with that Remus dissolved into laughter, Sirius following after, and all the remaining nerves Remus had fell away as they began to make easy conversation.

—-

“You look tired.” Sirius observed. They had finished their food and coffees long ago and were still sitting on the patio talking. Sirius had just finished telling Remus about his theories on birds; Remus didn’t know someone could have such opinions on birds but apparently Sirius did. It made Remus smile—oh he was in trouble indeed—though he was admittedly getting tired and was now resting his cheek in his hand.

“I am a bit. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Do you—I mean not if you’re not comfortable of course—I live not too far from here you could rest somewhere more comfortable than this table. Warmer there too. Only if you’re comfortable with it!” Sirius rambled. It was endearing how much Sirius was making sure Remus didn’t feel pressured into anything today. Remus couldn’t help teasing him a bit over it.

“Are you inviting me back to yours?” Remus raised an eyebrow and did his best to maintain a flirtatious smirk but a yawn gave him away.

“The whole sleepy thing does it for me. What can I say?” Sirius continued the joke.

“Yeah ok.” Remus flashed a smile at him, Sirius rocked back in his chair shocked. “down boy,” he laughed, “to rest.” Sirius laughed off his nerves. He ran a hand through his hair as he stood.
“Right. It’s really not too far from here. We can catch the bus?”

“Sounds great.”

—-

Sirius’ flat was exactly what Remus would have expected from the man he’d been texting for the last month.The front door opened up into a hallway with a dining room and kitchen to his left and a living area visible to his right. Further past the living room were three doors that Remus assumed were bedrooms and a bathroom.

He toed off his shoes as he entered and took a look around. It was a bit messy in a ‘papers across the buffet table, clothes hanging off the back of the sofa, and mugs left all around’ the room kind of way. It felt lived in, comfortable and warm. There was a record player Remus spotted in the corner of the living room, a shelf of records right next to it that Remus wanted to flip through. Photos were hung up along the walls, some tacked up with tape and some in frames in no order that made sense as if Sirius had enjoyed some moments so much he had to put a photo up without waiting to buy a frame.

Sirius made a motion to accept Remus’ jacket from him and suddenly Remus froze in his observations. He hadn't thought past the cafe where even if they had sat inside it would have been normal to keep a jacket on. He had worn a t-shirt today, something comfortable to travel in and easy for blood draws at the hospital, it also meant a lot of his scars were on display. He could of course keep his jacket on, say he's cold or comfortable, would that appear rude though?

"What's happened?" Sirius' voice was soft beside him. He was searching Remus’ face, he could feel the other man’s eyes looking for an answer. In any other moment, Remus might’ve marvelled at how well Sirius was able to read him so soon. Yet Remus was unable to think too hard on that or to answer Sirius; he tried instead to focus on his breaths as subtly as he could with Sirius merely a few inches away. "Keep it on, it's ok. Tea?" Remus nodded vaguely to both. "Make yourself comfortable." Sirius waved an arm vaguely in the direction of the living room before he made his way through to the kitchen and a second later Remus heard a kettle click on and mugs clink against the counter. Remus took a deeper breath and tried to relax, he pulled off his beanie, stuffing it into his coat pocket as he walked further into the flat. The records, he remembered, he had wanted to look at the records.

"Nice collection," Remus called through to Sirius after he had been searching through for a few minutes. The task of searching and focusing on the artists had calmed his breathing again. He had quite a lot more than Remus did, some albums he also had and others he knew his parents had, others still that were unfamiliar to him.

"Yeah? Thanks! I've been building it up since school, some are my uncles too. This is his old flat and I inherited quite a bit of his stuff. Put something on if you'd like!" Sirius called back. Remus wasn't sure what he was in the mood for and finally landed on a Fleetwood Mac album before making himself comfortable on the couch. Sirius nodded in approval when he walked back into the room, two mugs in hand. He handed a mug to Remus and set his own down on the coffee table before he sat on the couch, tucking one leg under himself, the other leg reaching out to kick at Remus' ankle gently. "Are you ok?" He was so sincere like he really wanted to know and wasn’t just asking.

"I feel like I am constantly having to confess something I've forgotten to mention." Remus sighed.

"Hiding another kid under your jacket?" Sirius teased.

"You never know." Remus attempted a smile but he knew it didn't reach his eyes. "No, nothing like that." Sirius reached out to touch Remus' knee causing Remus to jerk away and meet his eyes.
"Sorry! I should've asked." Sirius drew his hand back quickly.

"No, it's ok. You're ok. Err, I've mentioned before, I have scars. More than…" he gestured vaguely at his face and neck. Sirius remained silent allowing Remus time to collect his thoughts. "I usually wear long sleeves but with having to go into hospital today I didn't."

"They won't bother me if you're worried about that?" Remus wanted to believe him but he had never met anyone whose eyes hadn't immediately been drawn to his arms, expression filled with disgust and judgement. Even today, one nurse had actually hissed when he had shrugged off his jacket, another hadn't held back her comments especially after finding out he had a small child at home. Remus tried not to let the comments get to him, these scars were well over a decade old and even if they weren't they would have held no moral bearing over Remus nor his ability to parent. All the same, this was all people saw and all the same, Remus wanted to believe Sirius.

"It isn't pretty. I–" He broke off, unsure how to explain, "I was in a very different place than I am now."

"If you're more comfortable with the jacket on, don't let me pressure you to remove it. I can open a window too so it doesn't get too hot in here. Oh, I could lend you a jumper maybe?" He offered and moved to go and do so.

"That's ok. I, well actually, it would be more comfortable without it on." Remus agreed, Sirius’ flat was fairly warm. So he decided that he would remove his jacket. He shut his eyes and waited for the inevitable gasp, the pity, the questions, the judgement. None came. He opened his eyes again, Sirius was regarding him with an unreadable expression just as he had when Remus told him about Teddy. Remus wanted desperately to know what he was thinking, what did that tiny crease between his eyebrows mean? What about the downturn of his lips because it wasn't pity and it wasn't disgust.

"You look more comfortable now." He said after the briefest pause. A small smile broke out over Sirius' face and then that was that. The topic didn't come up again.
They keep talking and when the record ends, Sirius gets up and puts another one on. Remus falls into the ease of being around Sirius once again. He's drawn to him, the light that he carries within him spills out as the only light in a sea of darkness. Sirius doesn't outshine those around him but it's clear that he guides them with his brightness. He helps them to see, see their way out, or see themselves, it's really unclear. The more time he is spending around Sirius, the more comfortable he feels too. They lose track of time there in Sirius' living room, records playing softly in the background as they get to know each other better.

At one point, Remus pulls his legs up onto the sofa and drapes them over Sirius' lap; he's comfortable, they're both comfortable together and Remus could get used to this feeling. Now that he was sitting parallel with the sofa Remus was able to lean his head back on the arm and close his eyes. Sirius doesn’t complain, they continue talking just sitting there nestled together. After a bit of time Remus heard the scratch of pencil on paper. He didn't open his eyes but asked Sirrius who replied he was just sketching. That's the moment when it felt right, Remus felt that he fit there in Sirius' apartment. There were no expectations despite the flirting that found their way into the small corners of their conversations.

It was in the way Remus joked about the next record Sirius put on or how Sirius commented on Remus' hair colour in the afternoon light, it was in the gentle touch of Sirius' hand on Remus' ankle and the subtle ways Remus kept wanting to know more about the other man. Remus could feel something brewing and he wasn't the least bit anxious about it. It filled him with a delicious glee that maybe Sirius wanted something more out of their friendship too.

—

“Moony hey… Remus?” Someone was shaking his leg. Remus startled and quickly tried to take in his surroundings. “Hey hey it’s me. You fell asleep. Did you say your train was at six?” Right, he was in London, in Padfoot's flat, apparently asleep on his couch.

“Oh yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. What time’s it?”

“Quarter to five. You still have time.” Sirius smiled down at him. They were still sitting with Remus’ legs still draped over Sirius' lap and an open sketchbook laid out which Sirius was still bent over working on. Remus sat up a little straighter, using the back of the couch to lift himself up, careful not to jostle the sketchpad. He was a little unsteady from the way he had been sleeping so he overcompensated by leaning his arms onto Sirius’ shoulder and resting his head in his arms. He hadn’t thought about how close this would put him to Sirius; the smell of his shampoo was dizzying, or perhaps that was still his blood pressure not evening out yet. He’d lie and tell himself it was the latter.

“That’s me,” Remus breathed when he finally focused on the sketchbook. Sirius was sketching Remus where he had been laying in incredible detail. Remus was suddenly aware of how much time they had been laying on the couch together for Sirius to have had the time to sketch it all. Every curl had been given its own attention, the three larger freckles that formed a sort of triangle on his left collarbone just visible out of his t-shirt, even his scars… Sirius had even drawn his scars. It took his breath away to think Sirius had looked at him and seen something worth drawing, and in such a positive light.

“I like to draw beautiful things,” Sirius replied. He turned his head ever so slightly towards Remus and that was all it took for them to be practically nose and nose.
All at once, it was too overwhelming. Sitting there so close inhaling the scent of Sirius with every breath. Remus felt his heart racing far too fast. It wasn’t that he didn’t want this, he just couldn’t say yes entirely either. If he hadn’t been freaking out, he would’ve noticed the blush that was spreading quickly across Sirius’ cheeks. He blinked and pulled back from Sirius’ shoulder. He tried to ignore the swimming in his head and mumbled out, “Loo?”

“First door on the left.”

Remus didn’t look at Sirius, just tried to move as quickly as his body would allow. This was foolish, he couldn’t be so selfish again. He was making up signs because he had wanted this, wanted something, but how could Sirius want him; for fucks sake Remus couldn't even walk the few steps to the other room without his vision getting spotty and his heart racing. He was far from an ideal partner. Remus had just forced proximity and with how he had been flirting all day, all week really, he was basically forcing Sirius into this decision. A decision he wouldn’t typically make because the man in the other room could have anyone and Remus was not what he wanted. Remus had nothing to offer for Sirius; his string of failed relationships past certainly told him that. He was a single father, scarred up and disabled, just barely making enough to get by. Plus he was in Wales and Sirius was here, neither one of them were going to uproot their lives for some selfish pleasure. Remus splashed some water on his face and decided that was enough of that.

When he returned to the living room, Sirius was returning from the kitchen. Their mugs were gone from the coffee table and the sketchbook was shut.
“So the station isn’t too far from here, we can take my bike or I can call you an Uber if you’d rather I not drive you.” Sirius didn’t seem mad though the sleepy pleasant mood that had hung over them before Remus had left the room had certainly dissipated.

“Yeah that would be great. I don’t mind the bike if you’re ok driving. I had just planned on the bus really.”

“Nonsense,” Sirius’ smile wasn’t quite the same as it had been all day. “I’m happy to drive you. I’ll just be a minute and then we can go.” He added and excused himself to walk past where Remus stood. Remus leaned up against the wall, using it as support, while he waited and closed his eyes again, even with his bathroom pep talk being close to Sirius was dizzying and he needed to calm down if they were going to be on Sirius' bike in just a few minutes. He was still leaning against the wall when Sirius walked back into the room and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. He opened his eyes and peered down at the shorter man.

"Alright?" Sirius asked, concern clear across his face.

"Worn out, honestly. I'm sorry I'm not good company."

"Don't say that, I've had an amazing day with you." Sirius smiled and oh his smile was so wonderful. "I–" Sirius began and broke off with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"What is it?"

"I have a guest room." He spoke hesitantly, as if nervous of Remus' reaction, "If it's easier for you to rebook your train for the morning? Rest here a bit."

"You're serious?" Who was this man? Remus had just made him so uncomfortable and yet he was still going above and beyond to help Remus.

"Have been my whole life." Sirius was laughing.

"Shit, I walked right into that one," Remus groaned. He allowed himself to think of it for a short time, staying the night with Sirius. No, best not to, or else he may not be able to exhibit the same self control he had now. "Thanks for the offer but I think I should be getting back home, makes things easier for Teddy tomorrow."

"Right, of course." Sirius pulled away from the wall where he had been leaning next to Remus. He came back a moment later carrying two helmets. He extended one to Remus, "Ready?" Oh the thoughts that jumped into Remus' mind at that wicked grin Sirius was giving him. He nodded not trusting his own voice and followed Sirius out the door.

Chapter Text

“Teddy!” Remus exclaimed as the toddler threw himself at his father. He ruffled Teddy’s hair as he stood back up. “Did you have a good night with Aunt Mary and Aunt Lily?”

“Uh huh I got to have two pieces of cake after dinner.”

“Oh did you?” Remus raised an eyebrow at Lily.

“He’s very persuasive.” Lily shrugged.

“Yeah that he is. Why don’t you go put your bag in your room ok Teddy.”

“Ok!” The small boy ran down the hall and into his room.

“He did alright then?” Remus asked in earnest.

“An angel. Like he always is.” Lily reassured. She was reaching down to pull her shoes off by the heels. “Wouldn’t mind some tea though, he sure likes to wake up early.”

“That he does, I rather enjoyed my lie in.” Remus bragged with a mischievous grin. “Can you get the kettle? I’m just going to check in on him.”

A half hour later found the three adults settled in Remus’ living room with mostly drunk tea and mostly eaten biscuits. Teddy had gotten some hot chocolate and was entertaining himself now with a colouring book Mary had gifted him the night before. Remus was telling them all about his trip yesterday and about some less than platonic feelings he was trying to repress now he’d had a chance to meet the witty, kind, and entertaining stranger he’d been talking to for a month now.

He hadn’t mentioned the almost-kiss yet or the decision he had made in Sirius’ bathroom while he had been freaking out. He wanted to focus on the good moments of yesterday, so he finds himself thinking of Sirius’ features and the way he had wanted to lean in and touch him all throughout the day.

“It’s not fair at all. I don’t even think Sirius realises how hot he is.” Remus groaned and bit into the biscuit he was eating. The laughter died from both girls almost instantly. Remus looked up alarmed. His eyes darted between the two. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Sirius?” Mary spoke first. “The stranger you’re talking to is Sirius?”

“Yeah I know it's an odd name, then again I'm Remus so… hey what—"

“Phone!” This was Lily. She held out her hand.

“What? No, tell me what’s going on.” Remus tried to pull his phone back away from Lily but she was much faster. She quickly punched in his code, Remus knew hers as well, and to Remus’ mortification went to his recent calls and began dialling Sirius.

“Put him on speaker.” Mary instructed. Remus was now staring at her. What was going on with these two. Lily did as her girlfriend had said and after a few more rings the line was picked up.

“Hello?”

“Sirius Black?” Lily sounded so accusatory to the man on the other line that Remus didn’t register the fact she knew his last name despite him never having mentioned it.

“Yeah?” He sounded.

“Sirius Black of Gryffindor Sirius?”

“Do you know many Sirius Blacks? Who is this? Is Remus ok?” Remus was certainly not ok still staring open mouthed at the scene in front of him. He tried to say something but he wasn’t sure what so he closed his mouth again.

“It’s Lily. Mary’s here too.”

“Right you’re Remus’ friends he’s told me abou—hang on. Gryffindor? You know Hogwarts? LILY EVANS!” Sirius’ voice came across stunned through the phone.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” This was Mary now. “The stranger Remus has been talking to for a month now is none other than Sirius fucking Black.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing, Mary.”

“With you Sirius darling, we can assume it is always a bad thing.”

Remus was shocked to feel that once his initial surprise subsided he was feeling a rise of anger. Was this some elaborate set up? The girls had seemed so surprised too when he’d said Sirius’ name but had they been acting? He shot Mary and Lily a look, he didn’t trust himself to speak without yelling and Teddy was still nearby.

“Explain.” He growled out of gritted teeth. Lily and Mary looked to each other deciding who would share the news with Remus but it was Sirius over the phone who spoke first.

“Seems like it’s a very small world after all Moons. Lily, Mary, and I went to Hogwarts together.”

“Among other things.” Mary giggled, seriously Remus was surprised by his own restraint now. She was acting like a teen.

“Mary!” Shot Lily.

“Right, and Mary’s my ex. From third year though!” Remus pinched his nose, running a finger along the scar tissue there. He took a deep breath like he frequently instructed Teddy to do before he trusted himself enough to speak.

“And all this. What? It was a prank or something?”

“No!” All three voices spoke over each other.

“No Remus, we swear we didn’t know who you were talking to.” Lily said, placing a hand on Remus’ knee.

“Honest. You never gave us a name. We would’ve said something sooner if we had known it was Sirius Black!” Mary added. Remus sighed. He still felt anger bubbled up his chest but there was no use yelling. He had to trust and believe Lily and Mary. They were the only people, besides Sirius now, who he had in his life. It was just some weird, sick twist of fate that would make it so the three people he trusted most in the world happened to know each other.

“Sirius?” He asked not looking away from the women in front of him.

“I solemnly swear that I didn’t know.”

“Okay… okay. This is weird right?”

“Very.” Said Mary at the same time as Sirius said.

“I don’t know. Feels a bit Sirius to me.” And that was it, that was all it took to dissolve the remaining anger and shock within Remus as he starts to laugh.

——

“I still cannot believe you know Sirius.” They were off the phone now, after some chatting and discussions of getting “the Hogwarts crew” back together, Sirius had had to go and Lily and Mary decided it was time they get home. The women were slipping their shoes back on in Remus’ entryway.

“In a biblical sense.” Mary joked wiggling her eyebrows at Remus.

“Mary!” Lily chided for the second time that day. “Besides you told me things never got past over the shirt stuff.”

“Well yeah we were thirteen Lils!”

“Then stop giving poor Remus a heart attack.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Mary laughed. Remus just shook his head. “He was a great kisser even back then though, think he’ll be even better now after all those years practice.” She winked at Remus earning herself a joking pinch from Lily and a deep blush from Remus.

“I well… that’s neither here nor there.”

“Course not, cariad.” Lily patted his cheek as best she could given their height difference. “Right then. We’re off. You go on and get Teddy to nap and ignore Mary please." Mary pouted at this but Lily kissed her cheek to placate her. "I think we both feel a lot younger just having heard the name Sirius Black today. It would be nice to see him and the whole group again though.”

“It will be. Remind me why did we move all the way out here again?” Mary asked.

“Because you love me.” Lily leaned forward to give Mary a kiss. “Come on let’s get out of Remus’ beautiful curls.” She attempted to ruffle his hair but Remus stood straight and she couldn’t reach. She sighed in resignation and they were out the door. Now for the challenge of getting a toddler into a much needed nap.

A response came several minutes later.

[calling Padfoot]
[call ended 2hr52min]

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