Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

*Tobias POV*

The ride back is a long and slow one, but a quiet one. Amar and George sit in the front seat while me, Christina, Zeke, Hana, and Peter sit in the back of the truck. Peter is in a daze, looking blankly at everyone, not knowing what to do except stare innocently.

It’s early morning now, but there is light snow falling. For some reason, there is a nagging feeling in my chest. What if Caleb didn’t go? A part of me wonders. No, I shouldn’t think like that. I push the thought to the bottom of my mind, where it won’t come again.

Finally, after what seemed like several hours, the truck comes to a halt. I jump out of the truck and move towards the white building, the Bureau. The feeling again arises. Something isn’t right.

I quickly approach the compound, with Christina on my heels. I know that everything must have succeeded because everything is surprisingly quiet, looking from the outside, and even the guards are not present.

However, inside, it’s not at all quiet.

Many puzzled scientists and workers are staggering here and there, looking vaguely at everything, just like Peter was. I sag in relief. So the memory serum got spreaded, and the mission was successful.

I look here and there to find Tris but don’t spot her anywhere. Just when I consider going to the infirmary to look for her, I spot Cara sitting on the other side of the hallway. Her face is badly bruised, along with her leg bleeding. But that doesn’t concern me. What concerns me is the troubled and worried look on her face. And sitting beside her is … Caleb?!

I hear a gasp from Christina, “What is Caleb doing here?” I go swiftly towards her. 

“What is it?” I ask her.

Cara shakes her head.

“Where’s Tris?” I say, my hands shaking.

“I’m sorry, Tobias.”

“Sorry? Sorry about what?” Christina says roughly.

“Tell us what happened!”

Cara bites her wobbling lip nervously. “Tris went to the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb.”, she says. “She survived the death serum and set off the memory serum, but she… she was shot. I found her admitted in the infirmary, but the doctors said that her condition is so severe, so critical, that there is very less chance that she might survive. I’m so sorry.”\

Most of the time, I can see if people are lying. And I want to believe that this should be a lie because Tris still has to be alive, with her small and energetic body and her flushed face. But something in her face tells me that it’s a fact; she is not lying.

“No, this can’t be true. There has to be some error. No.”  Christina says and rushes to the infirmary, with me right behind her. Images flash in my mind - Tris’s dead-looking body in Erudite, her blood-curling screams, her falling down and not moving again.

We reach her room. I look through the glass to see her pale and lifeless-looking body with the life supports attached to her. The doctors are trying to stop the flow of blood, but there is a lot of blood coming from her body. The sight makes me want to vomit as I step back from the glass.

Just as a doctor comes out of the room, Christina immediately asks, “How is she?”

He sighs, “Currently, her condition is very unpredictable. First of all, having three bullets shot in three major parts of her body, I don’t even know how she could survive even for a moment. But now that she has, I fear she doesn’t have a tiny chance of surviving.

She was shot in the neck, leg, and shoulder. Although the neck is a very fragile part of the body, I’m glad to see that the bullet hasn’t hit anything significant. I’ll look into the leg and shoulder injuries and update you soon.” 

He rushes inside the room and closes it. 

It’s then that it clicks in my mind: Of course Tris would go to the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb.

Of course she would.

I sit down, unable to support myself and understand what’s happening. 

Tris might die any minute now, and it would all be because of me. I should’ve realized what she was up to. I should have.

“She isn’t dead. Tris isn’t dead. Tris isn’t dead. Tris isn’t dead. …”, Christina mumbles until she loses it. Cara embraces her, both of them crying.

I bury my head in my palms and try to pretend that none of this is actually happening. I feel that if I try to pretend with my eyes closed, maybe Tris would be all right, maybe she would be right here with me, resting her head on my shoulder or something.

After a long time sitting on the hard chairs of the infirmary, I start drifting off. I fall asleep along with Christina in the dull white corridors of the infirmary… 

A/N

Hey readers! Thank you so much for reading this short introduction! So, here are a few things you need to know:

• This story starts from the part where Tobias comes back to the Bureau, so this is an alternative ending to Allegiant.
• Most of the chapters in the beginning will be from Tobias's point of view. Don't worry, you will get Tris's POV soon.
• Disclaimer : I do not own the Divergent series or any of its characters.
• Please don't hesitate to give any suggestions or comments.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

Tobias POV

Like the Amity farms, I feel myself entering a garden full of light and flowers. I start walking and see a small figure sitting under a tree far away, her blond hair looking like gold in the sunlight. I go a little forward and see her crying, and then I ask, “Tris?” She immediately turns towards me, her blue eyes puffy and red. She puts her hand on her mouth and asks, “Tobias?” her voice thick from emotion. I run towards her and wrap her in my arms, breathing a sigh of relief. She lays her head on my chest and puts her hands on my waist.

I whisper, “I missed you, Tris. Why did you go and leave me here all alone?”

“I never wanted to leave you like this. I just… thought it was the right decision to go, so I went. I didn’t know that David would be waiting there after crossing the death serum room. I missed you too, Tobias”, she croaks out.

My shirt becomes wet from her tears. I pull away, taking her face in my hands, and say, “Never leave me again, please. I don’t want to lose you.” She starts crying harder and says, “I wish I could, but I can’t because this is just a dream, Tobias. In reality, I am in much pain and cannot tolerate it. I am trying my best, but I am slowly losing hold.”

As she says this, she slowly starts fading. I grab her strong hand to hold her, but she is already vanishing. “Please don’t leave me, Tris.”

“I am sorry, Tobias. I love you and always will.”

Those are the last words I hear before she completely disappears, and I am all alone once again….

I suddenly wake up, my face full of sweat, searching for her, but I remember she is in surgery. It’s early in the morning, but it’s still dark. It’s only been two days. Two days. Yet, it’s been so hard handling myself and seeing her like this. I can’t look at her like this. It’s too much. 

The doctors have still not given any update about her condition. Whenever we ask them, they just keep postponing it by saying, “We are still trying to understand the damage created. Please give us some more time”, and would rush back in without even listening to a word we say.

I walk out of the infirmary and go to the compound. It’s so deserted; it would be due to the early dawn. I sit down on the floor in a corner and stare outside.

I haven’t seen Zeke and Hana at all till now. I know Zeke will never talk to me again, considering I was the one who got his brother killed. Even Caleb has disappeared. I don’t know where he does keep wandering with his Erudite curiosity, and I’m not bothered to see. I’m angry at him because, technically, he is the reason why Tris is in this situation.

Cara and Christina have gotten closer these days. Christina barely even talks to me. I don’t blame her. After all, her best friend got killed because of me, again.

I feel like I am in a vast ocean of grief and loneliness, and there is no one to pull me ashore because everyone I love despises me due to my choices. I am all alone now…

I barely hear Christina jogging and stopping near me, lost in my thoughts. Her face is swollen, and her eyes are red. Mine must be looking a bit similar because sleep doesn’t come easily these days. “There you are. Come on. The doctors are saying they have an update.” Her heavy voice brings me back to action. I reach the infirmary and follow her.

Cara is already there. I guess she had been the one who would have told Christina. Noting the tension between us, I’m surprised she even considered informing me. But I’m grateful she did. 

The doctor comes out after a while from her room. “You can ignore us anymore, doctor. You have to give us an update. It’s been two days.” Christina says restlessly.

He sighs, “Her condition is much, much worse than I had anticipated. First of all, tell me, has she been shot before anywhere?”

“Yes, on the shoulder.”, I replied, bracing myself.

His face darkens, “My assumptions were right. Oh my god.”

“Wha-wha-what assumptions?” Christina stammers.

“Unfortunately, the bullet has caused significant damage in her shoulder area, which is already weak, due to a previously shot bullet. I’m afraid she might not be able to move the shoulder due to the massive damage.”

“Do you mean her shoulder will be paralyzed?” I say,  a lump forming in my throat.

“Yes, I’m very sorry.”

“Oh, god,” Cara whispers, horrified.

“We will try to do something when she gains consciousness, but right now, there’s nothing we can do about it.”

If she gains consciousness , I think.

“What about her leg?” Christina asks.

“Well, it doesn’t help that the bullet has hit a vital artery, due to which there is resistance in the flow of blood in her leg, which ultimately leads to blood clotting.”

“Then why don’t you remove it?” Cara inquires.

“Because, due to her faint pulse rate, if I try to remove the bullet, which will put a massive strain on her body, I’m afraid we might completely lose her. I have already removed the neck and shoulder ones, but now we can’t afford to take any more risks by removing the leg one. So I’m planning to let her body stabilize a little, then I’ll get rid of it. If her condition worsens, which I hope doesn’t happen, then I guess I won’t be having a choice.”

“What are you saying, doctor?” I argue. “If you don’t remove that bullet, then won’t it cause more damage than it has already done? Won’t the blood clotting get worse?”

“Yeah, her condition will worsen more.” Christina agrees.

“The problem is that the bullet has gone very deep, Mr.Eaton. I know it will cause some damage, and I will remove it at the right time, but it’s not like I have a choice.”, he explains, not in the mood for an argument.

His response shuts my mouth because I know he’s the more knowledgeable one on this matter. But that doesn’t put my mind at ease.

“I have done some cases like this before, but none of them have been successful either due to the massive blood loss or some other issues.” His opinion surprises me. ”I don’t blame you for being so worried; even I would be if I were in your shoes. I know this doesn’t help here, but all I can say is that you shouldn’t leave hope yet. I will inform you if there is anything new.”

On that note, he goes back.

She looked paler than I had last seen her before. Scars and bruises fully cover her body. There is a literal hole in the back of her thigh; that must be where the bullet has hit her. They have raised her leg with some hanging support since it would be difficult for them if she lies flat to treat the wound.

It makes my eyes water, and I step away, rubbing my eyes and going back with a heavy heart.

On my way back, I pass Uriah’s room. I see Zeke and Hana sitting inside, Hana stroking his hair and Zeke holding his hand. It reminds me of the biggest mistake I made, siding with Nita and not listening to Tris. I also notice Christina sitting next to Hana and sobbing over his body. Guilt claws at me from the inside when I see tears coming out of Zeke’s eyes. He then gets up and comes out, pretending not to notice me.

“Zeke, I’m sorry---” I start to apologize, but he interrupts me.

“You promised me you would protect him. You promised me. Now that you have broken it, don’t act like you care a shit about him.” he chokes and goes away, wiping his eyes.

I look back at Uriah. Zeke’s voice echoes in my head. Now that you have broken it don’t act like you care a shit about him. I think about his crazy jokes, giddy smiles, and ability to make any complex situation humorous.

And I know for a fact that the strong group we were once is never going to be the same again…

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

Tobias POV

They’re unplugging Uriah today.

I realize that as soon as I wake up in the middle of the night and hear voices near me. I pretend to be still and listen carefully.

… you sure, Mrs. Pedrad?”

“Yes, doctor. He shouldn’t be kept here for too long. You can do it tomorrow, during the day.” I hear Hana say. 

“As you say. I’ll take my leave now. You should get some sleep.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

When I’m sure that the footsteps are entirely gone, I try to sit up and wince slightly at the ache in my back and the stiffness of my neck.

The chair has become a temporary bed for me. I have been sleeping there since the day I found out about Tris. Needless to say, my back aches. A lot.

I get up, ignoring the throbbing of my body, and go to his room and look at him through the glass. I don’t see the Uriah lying lifeless when I close my eyes. I see the cheerful Uriah roaming with Tris, Marlene, and Lynn during initiation. I see the dramatic Uriah cracking jokes every minute in the cafeteria during meals. I see the Uriah bickering with Zeke, making us all laugh. But when I open my eyes, I see the Uriah whom I killed, the Uriah whom I promised I would take care of. 

And it all happened because of me. 

If I had just listened to Tris and not gone with Nita, maybe I could have prevented it. Maybe Uriah would have been alive now, bringing joy to everyone’s lives with his humorous personality. Maybe I could have saved my friendship with Christina and Zeke and all the others who loathe me now. Maybe I still wouldn’t be able to save Tris, but then I wouldn’t have felt so hopeless. The company of others could have kindled the flame of hope into a fire that has now become a tiny spark.

That would have been a better way to live than now, and if Uriah had been alive, maybe one of us would have stayed here with Cara, and maybe we could have saved Tris. Maybe.

But it all seems like a dream now. A dream that would have been true if I hadn’t caused all this crisis. A dream that would have been true if I wasn’t that ridiculously stupid to listen to some random girl over my girlfriend.

I sit down on a chair with my head in my hands. What have I done? My hands start shaking in panic. I feared that I was becoming like my father. Now, I fear I have become more evil than my father…

Hana and Zeke have been hovering over Uriah’s body since we got here, their fingers finding him, their eyes searching for life. But there is no life left, just the machine beating his heart. 

Cara walks behind Christina and me as we go toward the hospital. Christina and I don’t speak, but I know our thoughts are the same, fixed on Uriah, on his last breaths.

We make it to the observation window outside Uriah’s room, and Amar is there. He tries to touch my shoulder, and I yank it away, not wanting to be comforted.

Inside the room, Zeke and Hana stand on either side of Uriah. Hana holds one of his hands, and Zeke has the other. A doctor stands near the heart monitor, a clipboard outstretched, held out not to Hana or Zeke but to someone looking similar to David, sitting in a wheelchair. Hunched and dazed, like all the others who have lost their memories.

“Who the hell is he?” I ask nobody in particular.

“He is the new leader of the Bureau, a replacement for David.” Cara says from behind me.

“So have they arrested David?” I ask, hungry for revenge. 

“Uh… no. David is missing. They are finding him.”

“Missing?” I turn around to face her. 

“What do you mean by ‘he’s missing’?” I ask.

“I don’t know what happened exactly, but people think that after he shot Tris, he saw the memory serum spreading and hurried out of the compound. Of course, it might not be true. He might be dead by now, or he might be affected by the memory serum, like the others. Nobody has seen him ever since.”

“So what will they do with him once they find him?”

“The council says that they will re-establish him as the leader of the Bureau once they find him. But Tobias, he will also be memory-erased. He wouldn’t have been able to escape very fast in a wheelchair. He won’t remember anything, I assure you. That is, even if they find him. He will be as good as dead. He won’t --”

“Shut up!” I snap, tired of hearing of that maniac. The new leader -Matt, so he is called- signs the clipboard and pushes himself toward the door. It opens, and when I see him, I see David’s face, grinning maliciously. I can’t stop myself -- I lunge toward him, but Amar’s hands stop me from wrapping my hands around his throat. His face changes to the unfamiliar one I just saw a couple of minutes ago, and he gives me a strange look and pushes himself down the hallway.

“Tobias,” Amar says. “Calm down. He’s not David.”

I am about to respond, but Christina interrupts. “Guys, they are doing it.”

In Uriah’s room, Zeke and Hana join their free hands over Uriah’s body. I see Hana’s lips moving, but I can’t tell what she’s saying—do the Dauntless have prayers for the dying? The Abnegation react to death with silence and service, not words. I find my anger ebbing away, and I’m lost in muffled grief again for Uriah, whose smile is burned into my memory. My friend’s brother, and then my friend, too, though not for long enough to let his humour work its way into me, not for long enough.

The doctor flips some switches, his clipboard clutched to his stomach, and the machines stop breathing for Uriah. Zeke’s shoulders shake, and Hana squeezes his hand tightly until her knuckles go white.

Then she says something, and her hands spring open, and she steps back from Uriah’s body. Letting him go.

I move away from the window, walking at first and then running, pushing my way through the hallways, careless, blind, empty. My footsteps carry me to the dormitory. When I reach there, I first check if the dormitory is blank. 

Then the tears come flowing.

I sit down at Tris’s bed instead of mine, my eyes too blurry to see. I break down, my sobs echoing in the room. The smell of her on the mattress makes it worse. I miss her like hell. Every single day seems like a nightmare without her on my side. 

I clutch the pillow closer to my body. I haven’t cried this bad at all in my life. Not even when Evelyn had faked her death. I lay down on her bed, trying to make it count for the two hell-like weeks I have lived without her. And eventually, I cry myself to sleep…

I sit in the infirmary with Christina and Cara, tapping my leg and waiting impatiently. None of us are in a good position, with eyes red from sleeplessness, nightmares, and crying. We were never in a good position from the day we came back from Chicago. And with two weeks passed, I guess it has become normal for all of us.

After a couple of minutes, a doctor comes out, looking as if nothing worse can happen now. It’s not like I expected it, but l knew it was bound to happen someday, looking at Tris’s condition.

“What’s the update, doctor?” Christina asks, panic evident in her voice.

“Well, I am afraid to say that her condition is worsening day by day, and if her body deteriorates like this, I fear that we can lose her in one month or so.” His tone makes me want to creep in a hole and never come out.

“Can you elaborate on what has exactly happened, please?” Cara says.

“Okay” He takes a deep breath and continues, “To begin with, I took out the bullet in her thigh, as I felt that it might become a danger if it stays in the body for long. But then, because the bullet had hit a vital artery, when I took it out, blood started flowing out of her body at a much faster rate from her leg than before. And now, since the additional blood we have been giving her is becoming insufficient, we need more blood.”

I clear my throat. “So, from where can we get more blood?” I ask.

“There is a problem in that. The thing is, first of all, she is divergent, a special kind of divergent. A powerful one. And that kind of blood group is found in the rarest of humans. Does she have any family? Or a relative?”

“Yes, her brother, Caleb.”, Christina says immediately.

“Okay. Is he divergent too, like her?”

“No, he’s not divergent.”

He sighs. “Well, I don’t know if his blood will match. But I guess we can try. Can you bring him now?”

“Yes, doctor.” We reply simultaneously. I rush back to the compound. 

We split up, Cara going in the direction of the family tree, Christina going in some unknown corridor, and me in the dormitory.

When I reach the dormitory, I hear silent sobs. Surprised, I notice Caleb sitting on his bed and looking at a family photo, his fingers hovering on it. Suddenly, a part of me turns soft and wants to pity him but is immediately replaced with anger for the brother who deceived his own sister and tried to kill her. Tris may have forgiven him, but I will never forget the suffering he gave to her.

“Caleb, they want you at the infirmary.”, I snap. He jumps and turns towards me. “Me? Why?”

“You’ll see; let’s go,” I say, grab his hand, and drag him to the infirmary. 

“I found him,” I shout as I come out of the dormitory. I see Cara and Christina coming out. When I reach her room, a doctor is already standing outside. “Thank you,” he says and takes him. Another one says, “You can sit here and watch her until we return.”

She lies on a bed, and for a moment, I think she’s just sleeping and when I touch her, she will wake up, smile at me, and press a kiss to my mouth. But when I touch her, she is cold, her face as white as a sheet, her body as stiff as a stone. Christina sobs and sits across me. I squeeze her hand, praying that if I squeeze it hard enough, her body will fill with color, and she will wake up.

I don’t know how long it takes for the doctors to return with Caleb with a disappointed look. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Sorry, his blood doesn’t match her blood.” 

“But how is that possible? Their blood should be the same, right?”

“It is because he is divergent, and she is not.

“So now what do we do?” Christina asks.

“We should try a strong divergent’s blood; maybe that could work.”, he says. “We can’t start testing all the memory-wiped people, or else the memories might begin arising. So, we should test some divergent’s blood whom you know and isn’t memory-wiped.”

“Okay, we could try Matthew,” Cara says. 

“Fine, bring him, fast.”

We again go to the compound and start searching for him. We find him sitting in his room, working on some data. “Matthew, we need your help. It’s regarding Tris.”, I say.

“Is everything okay?” he asks and immediately stands up from his seat and comes with us. Cara explains the whole scenario to him, and we are panting by the time we reach the hospital. The doctors are standing outside her room. As soon as they see a new face coming, they grab his hand and take him to the same room they took Caleb before.

I sit down in a chair and cradle my head in my hands, silently weeping. I wish none of this would have happened. I wish I hadn’t gone that day with them to Chicago. But still, if I hadn’t, I’m sure she would have done the same thing: sacrificing herself, even if it means hurting the others she loves. I can’t even bear to look at her, afraid I might break down then and there, longing to spend at least a moment with her alive before she dies.

“Um… Mr. Eaton? Could you call your two friends and come here for a minute?” Mr. Clarke, the primary doctor says, looking as if he wants to say something. 

I stand up with Christina and Cara and approach him, scared of what he will say now. We follow him to her room, getting anxious. “You are hiding something you haven’t told us yet, aren’t you?” I blurt out.

“Yes, I haven’t told you something I should have told you by now, and I apologize for that. I thought you wouldn’t be able to handle it with this many things going on currently,” he says.

“Might as well hear it now.”, I mutter, exhausted from hearing enough bad things for today.

He sighs deeply. “I don’t know how to explain. She, she--” He gets interrupted by the doctors coming back with Matthew, shaking their heads, looking dejected. “Her blood group is so rare that it’s found in very few people,” they say. 

“Okay, I’ll see that later.”, Dr.Clarke says and requests them to leave the room.

As soon as they go out, Christina asks roughly, “She what?”

“I’m afraid to say that her brain is not responding, and she has fallen into a coma because of a severe head injury inside the brain.”

I slump in a chair, unable to support myself. Christina is about to fall, but Cara catches her and places her on a chair, and I know that we both are thinking of the same thing. About Uriah. About his coma and how he didn’t wake up. 

“No, no, this is not happening. No, no, NOOOOOOOOO”, Christina screams and sobs violently. And all I can do is sit still, staring at Tris, the world smudging into different colors, the details becoming too blurred to see. And all I’m able to focus on is Tris…