Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ever since she was little, Himiko knew she was different. She knew it by the glances she received as she passed, like her very existence is deserving of pity, she knew it by the locked door of her parents room, and the yelling that came out of it. She knew it by the disgusted faces of her classmates whenever she talked about her quirk, and she knew it from the own voices in her head, repeating all the scathing words that have been thrown her way.

Himiko was tired of it all. Of the looks, the whispers behind her back, the horrible words she'd find written on her desk. She was just so tired.
Her one saving grace however, was the bubbly brunette that sat next to her. From her, she had expected the same treatment she was given by others, but instead, she was given a warm smile, which almost made her heart melt. She knew she was different, but Ochako didn't care.

"Himiko! What's up?" Ochako greeted, they had long since given up on formalities, choosing instead the cozy familiarity of first names.

"Nothin much!" Himiko smiled, hopping slightly to sit on the top of her desk, the surface of which had been worn down due to its constant cleaning, "How about you? How did your judo lesson go? I bet you kicked ass!" She pumped her fist, throwing out some mock punches, the force nearly sending her right off the desk.

Ochako grinned with a look on her face that would send most running, her chocolate eyes practically dripping with competitiveness. It was one of the many things she appreciated about the girl, her passion for the things she loved struck home with Himiko, although Ochako's was much more mainstream.

"It went amazing? I’m suuuper sore though.” She whined. “Oh yea! You remember Kirishima? The one with the hardening quirk?" She tilted her head, her bob length hair framing her face, almost seeming to defy gravity. She wondered if that was a result of her quirk, float.

"Yea I remember him, why?"

"Well get this-" She rocked on her heels, clearly excited, "he dyed his hair red! Like- firetruck red! And made it all spikey too!" She put her fingers on her head, mimicking the spikes.
"No way! Isn't he like, an all black kinda guy?" Himiko asked, remembering the times she’d join Ochako for her lessons.

"That's why I'm so surprised! He said it was to 'revamp his style' or something, but he looks a lot happier now."

"Toga-san please sit in your chair, not the desk" The teacher sighed, having repeated this to her multiple times this year.

"My bad!" Himiko replied, hopping down and sitting down properly, disappointed in losing her extra leg space.

"Alright, everyone pull out your textbooks and turn to page 34, today we'll be covering intervals, which you should have reviewed on yesterday's homework."

Himiko let her head fall and quietly hit the desk, dramatically muttering about the "unfairness of homework" as Ochako stifled her laughter next to her.

"You forgot your homework again, didn't you." She whispered to Himiko, mirth evident on her face.

"Don't laugh at my sufferingggg" She whined, although she was giggling as well.

"There something funny girls?" Mr. Tanaka dryly inquired, annoyance clear as day.

"No sir!" They both yelped, pulling out their textbooks at record speed and flipping to the correct page.
*
Come lunchtime, Himiko was absolutely drained. She had completely forgotten to do any of the assigned homework, too preoccupied with her parents fighting last night.
She knew she was the reason. Or more accurately, her quirk was the reason. Transform, such an unsuspect quirk name. She could take the form of another person, imitating their voice, their appearance, she had it down to an art. The problem was the method, blood. To transform into someone, she needed to drink their blood, and a good amount of it as well. It was weird, gross, and psychotic in the eyes of others, but in hers, it was a beautiful thing. To truly become those she loved, to share that bond, was a feeling like no other. While others' love may be soft and gentle, hers burned, fierce and bright. She was no stranger to infatuation, maybe her quirk wouldn't have been such a problem if she was, but she found herself with crushes often, usually shallow, fleeting feelings, but feelings nonetheless. She ached for the sensation of being so close with someone, so she held on tight to those connections, no matter how superficial.

Creepy. That was the word most used to describe her, she heard it everywhere, from strangers to teachers to her own parents. The only one she didn't hear it from was Ochako, which is probably why they had grown so close so fast.

"Whatcha thinking about? You've looked upset all day, is something up?" She asked, and oh how lovely Ochako's blood must be, she fears she'll develop a sweet tooth at the slightest taste.

"Oh it's nothing, just didn't sleep well" She lies, her golden eyes looking away from Ochako's worried ones, worried if she stares the brunette will see straight through her.
Sure enough, her eyebrows furrow, but as she opens her mouth to speak, Himiko felt an impact on the back of her head. Narrowing her eyes, she glared back at the offender, Ito.
“Oh so scary~” He mocked, empty lunch tray hanging from his hand, clearly what he had used to strike her.

“What’s your problem?!” Ochako growled, practically lunging across the table to grab him by the collar of his shirt, kami, Himiko loved this girl

Reluctantly, Himiko stopped what would be a very one sided beatdown, “‘Chako, drop it, it’s fine.” She sighed, causing the brunette to shove Ito away, who all but ran off with his tail between his legs, it was an amusing sight, at least.

“Kami, I don’t know how you don’t just wanna punch his face in” Ochako grumbled, plopping back down in her seat, glare still fixed on her face.

“Oh I do, I just know nothing good will come from that. I’d rather not get detention again. ” Himiko reached across the table, grabbing hold of Ochako’s hand and fidgeting with her many rings she liked to wear. This was a common occurrence when Himiko got stressed, and she was pretty sure Ochako started wearing her rings more often because of this.

“I still think that’s so unfair that you get blamed for fights you didn’t start.” She huffed, stretching her arm out so Himiko could hold her hand more comfortably.

“Yea, but what’s there to do about it? Just one more year till we graduate and then we’ll be at UA!” She cheered, her yellow slitted eyes scrunching up in excitement, making sure that her canines didn’t show as she smiled.

The girl smiled back, squeezing her hand as a determined look came across her face. “Yea” she whispered, “one more year.”

Chapter Text

Himiko waved goodbye to her friend as she began her walk home, the rest of the day had been uneventful, it mostly just consisted of note taking and listening to the teacher go on and on about a subject she could care less about, but in order to get into UA, she had to try her best to focus in class. This was made infinitely harder by the constant feeling of hunger in her stomach. See, normal food may be enough to keep her alive, but she never truly felt full, no matter how much she ate, there was always something missing. She had to stop herself from staring too close at the girl seated next to her, lest the hunger pains increase.

It was difficult, constantly monitoring herself, making sure that she never got hungry enough to do anything brash. Sometimes she fantasizes, though, of biting down into her honey colored skin. She bets that it would taste just as sweet. Some days she sits and longs for the other girl. She dreams that Ochako would let her show how much she loves her, would find it as beautiful as she does, but that was just wishful thinking. She knew that if Ochako had the slightest clue of her hunger, she’d scare her away. So her daydreams remain just that, far off fantasies of what can never be, and her hunger remains.

Luckily, Himiko had a great solution for this, hunting! Every so often, when the growling in her stomach became too much to bear, when her mind raced and she feared she’d act on her hunger, she would sneak out once it got dark to seek out small animals and birds. It felt a bit silly, at first, chasing squirrels and such around in the pitch black, and more than once did she have the cops called on her for ‘suspicious behavior’, but once she got the hang of it it became a lifeline for her. Even the small amount of blood these animals could give was enough to tide her over for a few days, making her less sluggish and more clear headed. She was running low on energy currently, so she figured it was time for another midnight hunt, but when she opened the door to her house, she found her parents there, sitting silently in the living room. Now this was strange enough, both of them should’ve been at work right now, but the matching expressions of disgust made her want to walk right back out the door. Before she could do this, however, her mother spotted her, and stood up abruptly.

“Himiko, get over here right now.” She barked, and her blood ran cold as she saw the sticker covered book in her hand, Himiko’s journal.

“Mom-” She started but was cut off by her father standing up as well.

“Himiko, don’t be difficult, sit down.” He ordered, and slowly, she walked over to them, making sure to keep her distance.

“Look, I’ve tried to be understanding of your,” She paused, “condition. But this?” she said, waving her journal around, “is absolutely unacceptable.”

“Mom, I-” She interjected, curling up on herself, but was cut off once again by her father.

“I thought we could trust you, but clearly you’re not only a danger to yourself, but to others as well. I mean- wanting to drink someone's blood is bad enough, but wanting to be them? Thinking that sort of thing is beautiful? I don’t know what we did wrong raising you but clearly you need an intervention.”

“No! I- I” She stuttered, hugging her arms around herself, the pressure helping keep her grounded. “Writing it down helps! That way I don’t act on it! I’m not actually doing anything though!”

Her mother scoffed, opening the book and flipping to a page she knew well. “Oh yea? Then what’s this then?” Himiko’s face paled further as she started to read the entry, “Everytime I bite into an animal, I can’t help but imagine it’s her, I wish so badly that I could-”

“You weren't supposed to read that! That’s mine!” She interrupted, reaching out to take it back, to stop her deepest secrets being aired out for all to see, but her mother just slapped her hands away.

“Don’t you attack your mother!” Her father screamed, grabbing Himiko’s wrist from where she had been grabbing for the journal.

“No! I wasn’t!” Himiko retorted, trying to pull back, but her father had a strong grip on her.

“That’s it, I thought we were past this, but clearly not.” He scowled, starting to drag her down the hall.

“Wait! I’m sorry, I swear!” She fought against him, trying desperately to push back against the bruising grip, but she couldn’t do anything as she was dragged down the hall and shoved inside the closet, “I’m not dangerous!” She screamed, but fell silent at the click of the lock.

Tears rolled down her face, she was doing better! She hadn’t been locked in here since she was 12, she didn’t give them reason to! She knew it would be pointless, but she still tried the handle, jiggling it over and over, till she gave up and slumped against the wall.

"I'm not dangerous." Himiko muttered, curling up on herself, wrinkling her school uniform.

Chapter Text

Himiko doesn’t know how much time had passed before she was finally let out of that god forsaken closet, but what she did know is that she was absolutely starving.

“Go get ready for school, I trust you’ve learnt your lesson?” Her father asked as he tugged her into the hallway not waiting for a response. Her legs had long gone numb from sitting in one position for too long, and she desperately tried to stay upright.

She nodded in agreement, keeping her eyes trained on the floor as she stumbled into her room. Her bag was laid on her bed, and upon grabbing her phone, she realized it had been a full day since she had been thrown in the closet. She also saw that she had a few missed calls and texts from Ochako, and while she appreciated the concern, she’s dreading the fact that she’ll soon have to make up excuses for her absence, which, of course, the brunette would see right through.

Sighing, she made her way into the shower, letting the hot water wash away the tears staining her face. She took her time washing her hair, massaging her scalp and shoulders to try and relieve some of the tension from being cooped up for so long. The pressure on her wrist caused it to ache, and now that she had light, she saw how it was colored an angry red, and alarmingly swollen.

She had to get to school, however, so she reluctantly quickened her pace, and by the time she had finished, the clock had ticked over to 7:50, ten minutes until she had to be in class.
Rushing around her room, she threw on her uniform as well as her signature cardigan, making sure it was long enough to cover her injured wrist. Before she walked out the door, she took a moment to look at herself in the mirror, her still damp hair hanging flat above her shoulders, the constant bags under her eyes seemed more pronounced, and all together she looked like shit. But now with 7 minutes to get to school, and a 10 minute walk, she started her run to school, sore legs protesting all the while.

Near seconds before the bell rang, she swung open the door to her classroom, startling both her classmates and teacher. Hunched over with her hands on her knees, she panted. Turns out going from barely moving for more than 24 hours to full out sprinting was a bad idea, who knew?

“Toga-san, while I appreciate that you clearly hurried to class, please go sit down.” Tanaka-sensei drawled, raising his eyebrow at her desperate attempts to catch her breath.

“Al-Alright Sensei” She gasped, throwing up a thumbs up for good measure as she stumbled to her seat, where Ochako was taking in her disheveled appearance with wide, concerned eyes.

Slumping against the desk, she ignored the other girl in favor of laying her head in her arms, letting the teacher’s voice become background noise as she recovered.

By the time Himiko’s legs stopped feeling like they were on fire, the bell rang, signifying the end of math. Ochako wasted no time hurrying over to the blonde’s seat, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. While normally the gesture would warm her heart, now it caused her wrist to twinge in pain, and she was barely able to keep a straight face.

“Himiko? Are you alright? Where were you yesterday? You didn’t return any of my texts.” She frowned, eyebrows wrinkling as she ran her thumb over the back of Himiko’s hand.

She looked up, not quite meeting the other’s eyes. She knew that if she did, the hunger that she felt for her would surface.

She felt disgusting.

“I’m fine.” She rasped, her smile obviously strained.

“We both know that’s not true,” Ochako’s frown deepened, “but I’ll drop it if you want.”

Himiko’s eyes started to mist, but as she opened her mouth to reply, their English teacher walked in, effectively shutting down their conversation. However, that didn’t stop the brunette from shooting worried looks across the room as Himiko struggled to pay attention to the lesson, distracted by both the pangs of hunger periodically shooting through her stomach and the pain throbbing in her wrist.

English was Himiko’s favorite subject, not only did she pick it up easily, but the teacher was one of the only staff that didn’t treat her differently because of her quirk. He called on her in lessons, he didn’t scowl as she walked past, and if the topic of quirks came up, he pointedly didn’t bring attention to how she shut down, retreating inside her mind.

Even so, not even her favorite class could make her focus, lost in her own mind. She tried to push it back, she really did, but no matter how hard she tried to block it out, it always came back with a vengeance. She didn’t want to hurt anyone, she knew she was a monster, but she couldn’t help but drift, daydreaming of sinking her teeth into the soft skin of her best friend’s neck.

Maybe she was dangerous after all.

*
Once again, she hadn’t noticed the bell had rung until Ochako approached her desk, tapping on her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s time for lunch.” She murmured, trying not to startle the girl, her usually sharp eyes dulled in thought.

Himiko hummed in agreement, leaning into Ochako as she stood up, shaky on her feet. Her canines ached, and she felt like she was floating as she made her way to their usual table.
“Here, you sit down and I’ll go get your food for you, alright?” Ochako said as she led her to her seat, placing her water bottle in front of her. “Drink, you look parched.” Himiko just nodded along, bringing the bottle to her face and taking a sip. Those sips turned into gulps as she finally realized just how thirsty she was, drinking over half the bottle before she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, slow down, you’ll feel sick.” Ochako chided, before walking off to grab both of their lunches, promising to be right back.

Himiko waited, her head slowly clearing, feeling less like her skull was full of cotton. By the time Ochako returned with their food, Himiko had finished off the water, and was scrolling on her phone.

Placing their lunches on the table, Ochako sat down, face softening when she noticed the fog had somewhat dissipated from Himiko’s eyes.

“You feeling better?” She asked, smiling slightly.

“Yea, thanks” Himiko replied, eyes downcast, “Sorry about drinking all your water, I guess I didn’t realize how thirsty I was.” The irony wasn’t lost on her, not when the target of her thirst was the same one who had quenched it, in a way.

“Nah you’re fine, just glad you’re alright” She waved her apology off. “Say, would you wanna get lunch then join me at the dojo tomorrow? If you’re feeling up to it, of course. Kirishima has been dying to spar with you again.” Ochako offered, eyeing the girl across from her as she began to eat her food, making sure to pace herself.

She took a second to consider it, sparing with an injury wasn’t exactly smart, but Ochako was looking at her with her big brown puppydog eyes, and she folded immediately. Plus, pro heroes fought while injured all the time, she could just consider it practice for that! Honestly, anything to keep her out of that house would be more than welcome. At the reminder, she grimaced, “I’m not sure, I’ll have to ask my parents, but since it’ll be on a Saturday it should be fine.” She sighed, hoping that her parents knew that she had learnt her lesson, hoping that they would trust her to not be a danger to her friend.

It was always a gamble with them.

“How are they, by the way?” The brunette broached, noticing how the previously dissipated tension had returned to her shoulders.

“Oh, they’re fine, just…” She trailed off, looking for the right words, “You know how they are.”

The brunette nodded, remembering the awful stories Himiko had told her, of course they were extremely toned down, but she didn’t have to know that.

“Well I hope they say yes, I know your fighting style is a lot different from mine, but it’ll be good to switch it up a bit! And maybe you can show me how you’re so sneaky? It’ll be good if I ever need to go the stealth route!” She exclaimed, excitement practically radiating off of her. It seemed to be contagious, because a few moments later Himiko was grinning as well.

Fuck it, she thinks, what’s the worst that can happen?