Aesthetic: Trash Boys

Testimonials
pocketmoony "your portrayal of sirius and remus is perfect and refreshing and just wow"
queerteddy "i love my life bc of this fic"
pocketpadfoot "everyone is queer and its brill"
mihodraws "its great how you really went down that queer road like really really"
bisexualremuslupin "i love all the innuendos and flirting and humor but whenever they get emotional and deep i am just hitting my hallelujah u dont understand"
allthingshobbits "the world needed this"
swearingandmarauding "all hail Darcy and Em"

Chapter Text

ayyy nudes

(dick pic)

this is not your dick jimmy i've seen it yours is much tinier

also you could have tried a little harder like could you at least google image a brown dick mate

or send me an actual pic of yours what did you think i would do with it ffs

not jimmy mate but thks

not james?

not james either

who are u?

mate you send dick pics to total strangers wth kind of trash boy are u

i thought you were a dude from last night so

right sorry not dude from last night just a random stranger with ur dick pic

use it wisely

it is yours then?

yes.

nice.

thks.

your profile's pic you?

yes.

nice.

thks.

ayyy trash boy

ayyy pretty boy

gosh now i feel silly.

what?

you're all compliments and i'm all sarcasm

sarcasm's coming right up dontcha worry your pretty little head

sarcasm's the only thing that's coming?

and I'M the trash boy srsly

hah. what you up to?

oscar wilde essay

3am oscar wilde essay?

i don't wanna talk about it. you?

getting James's arse home

very concerned with James's bits are you

don't think his wife would be too pleased if I don't get all his bits home

good boy

aren't i just

keep me busy would you?

with what?

like u have to ask

the title of trash boy officially goes to you

fine you can be known as nice dick dude

i'm fine w/ that

so how many dick pics do you keep in your camera roll

is this an intervention

thinly veiled attempt at getting more

(dick pic)

nice. thanks.

how long til you get James's arse home?

half an hour more. party was on other side of fucking london i don't even know why we agreed to this

ours are much better and we don't have all the going home bit to deal with

no cleaning up though

good point

it would be fine rlly but james got way pissed and now it’s just making sure he doesn’t get comatose on me

and/or vomit on me

i'm pretty sure i'd rather he blacked out

i think you'd find it more pleasant yes

hows oscar?

dead. like how i'm feeling.

poor babe. how much longer have you got with him?

'til class probably. i might as well now

well i'm here for help and support

in exchange for dick pics?

it's like you read my mind

i don't see much reciprocity going on in that area

i'm very virtuous

somehow i'm not very convinced

can't win them all

no but really?

yeah i'm genuinely third date kiss kind of guy

meet your parents and bring them flowers and sweet talk them into thinking i'm a bright and charming young man (which i am)

and then i get dick pics?

and then you might get dick pics.

you don't sound high maintenance at all

high maintenance and proud

oh mate peter says he’s sleepy i have to drive

ttyl

ttyl

Chapter Text

so i remember you saying something about being a third date kiss kind of guy?

you would just have to read our previous conversation to know that

well i’m not that infatuated

aw not yet?

not yet. but there is a point to this

and that is?

to reach a third date we need to have a first

that is often how counting works.

so?

so what?

don’t make me ask again

you havent asked anything to begin with

i give you not one but two dick pics and you can’t even do me the curtesy of ending my embarrassing pain

it’s enjoyable to watch

sadist.

you owe me.

fine. what if i ask you as exchange for the lovely pictures?

that would be nice

kik trash boy, will you go on a date with me?

pretty boy, i would be honoured.

Chapter Text

hey pretty boy you asked me out on a date like two days ago and i haven't received any invitations still

hey nice dick dude

sorry abt that i've been busy with uni

date. yes.

when are you free?

now i feel like i should play a little harder to get

you send dick pics with no shame whatsoever i don't think you can possibly be hard to get

is this a pun

maybe?

it's terrible

the mark of great puns

sat?

there's a party at James and i's.

you're welcome to join us tho

less pressure and everything

are you feeling pressured?

well no

but i do know more abt your dick than about you as a human being

huh what dya wanna know?

idk what dya wanna share?

i suppose i should get all the dealbreakers out of the way?

like? been lying about whose dick it is?

still my dick

good.

i'm listening

i'm an english literature and creative writing undergrad, i hated lord of the rings, i'm bisexual and i'm hiv positive

one of these things is not like the others

yet none are lies

i can't believe you hated lord of the rings. movies or books?

both fill me with dread

you were right to name that a deal breaker wow

mate i need to think about this

we have lotr marathons at least twice a year

you'll never be accepted as one of us if you can't be part of them

huh

can i spend the whole time making scathing comments and eating your snacks?

this is acceptable, yes

well i guess i can survive it then

good. now:

the "thing that is not like others"...

i graduated in philosophy and now i'm doing my masters in sociology, i hated the matrix franchise, i'm very very gay and i play football

wait shit

fuck

you play football.

i know i'm sorry

shit

like "watch the tv" play football?

that too but the kick the ball part mostly

and you don't like matrix. you did philosophy and you dont like matrix.

matrix is a fucking joke

don't get me started i will ban it as soon as i have the power to and i will burn down every copy i can find

all right. wow. i'm glad we did this. i think i need time as well.

the football part huh?

i am taking the title of pretty boy away from you bc trash boy is 99% of your personality so far

you're upsetting me

(selfie pic)

huh

okay you must get this a lot but is this your real eye colour?

yes sir.

family defect tbh

from inbreeding and such

inbreeding and such? i feel like this should have been on the deal breakers list.

my mum and dad are first cousins, my great grand mother married her deceased sister's husband (who was a third cousin or something? i can't recall)

holy fucking shit

yep

i thought this only happened in the old times

like in france with kings

people with too much money to have morals

and so little morals they thought this was actually okay

all of these things apply

there was a plan to have me marry one of my cousin actually

what happened? how did you escape??

"very very gay"

oh right.

i also left madness central behind at 16

shit

but good for you mate like really

believe me i know.

wow that's a big thing though

a deal breaker thing?

huh no not really i was kidding

just a big thing

well now it's out there

pretty eyes though

thanks

wait hold up a sec

france with kings and too much money?

yes?

you're french?

i don't really like to think of me that way tbh

i'm a londoner born and bred.

france is just where all the madness started a long time ago

we've just got a few vineyards there now

wow. vineyards.

and a couple castles

are you, like, super rich?

my family is.

i'm, like, super dependent on my best friend's parents' money

ooh so "left at 16" really was just a nice way of saying "left at 16"?

huh

like what happened?

yeah?

i ran away, sort of. i'm disowned, sort of.

like i could still have access to everything if i apologised nicely and married straight and proper but so far it's not in my plans

okay.

wow.

i feel like i should say something big about myself but there's nothing left.

*i* did the deal breaker thing right.

i could sweet talk you in french what's the deal breaker there?

that, mon ami, won't be forgotten.

but i meant that i wanted to tell you something personal but there's literally nothing to me apart from what i already told you

you say that but I’m sure theres plenty more interesting about you

mmm…

i can tie cherry stems into a knot with my tongue

and the title of Complete Trash Boy goes to…

i’m going to take that title with full pride

you would waste it otherwise

r u saying that i cant be more trash boy than u?

yes, entirely.

we’ll see about that.

we shall.

so will you be coming on saturday?

you said you live in london right?

yeah is that convenient?

if it wasnt would you move the party location for me

anything for you nice dick boy

hah

it is convenient

i’ll be there

mind if i bring a friend?

the more the merrier! but there is an entry fee for plus ones

and what could that possibly be

booze. lotta booze.

i managed to guess that strangely

something good too

james’ taste in alcohol leaves much to be desired

i’ll let her know

apple martinis with the little umbrellas in them

delicious

and i’m not just talking about the drink

your flirting leaves much to be desired tbh

just trying my hand at earning the Grand Champion title of Trash Boy

well so far you get a participation award

a badge for effort

whatever

i’ll show you how this trash boy parties

ok but don’t confuse the term "trash boy" with "boy who gets drunk and trashes his immediate surroundings"

no way in hell I’m going to trash my own place??

i have a little more sense than that

if you say so

i’ll see you on saturday then

wear something sexy

i always do

i bet

Chapter Text

Heyyyy!!!

that's far too many y for you to be sober

i thought the party was on saturday

It is! I'm really glad you're coming, btw!

is there a party every night at your place

Of course there is! Especially in my bed!

you're getting points for that attempt

um are you okay

Yeah sure. By the way wanted to tell you about the party: it's leather only! Bring your best whip with you! ;)

Or you could just use your hands :p

I bet you have a very good voice for dirty talk...

are you serious?

VERY SIRIUS!!

um. okay. is this james or something?

Why would you say that?

Oh :) I :) Don't :) Know !!!!

i see u have met my best friend

so it was james.

well no actually that was Pete

Peter

Peter didn't even remotely try to sound like you a little bit

Peter was way trashed

just got dumped and apparently it's """""my""""" fault so this was his attempt at revenge

but as you can see Peter is shite at revenge bc Peter LOVES me

i'm curious

ex thought your eyes were very pretty too?

i have a sign on my door that says "queer things inside" HOW MUCH MORE OBVIOUS DO I MAKE IT

that sucks tho

is he really mad at you?

more like sobbing on my shoulder and eating our food

i think he kind of moved in too

with you and james?

with me, James, James' wife Lily and the cats

cats. plural.

just the two and there is a talk of taking in fish sometime this month

pete has a couple mouses

mice

ignore that

your french is showing

shut up

i'm a bit disappointed with Peter though

he could have told me embarrassing stories or sent me ugly pics but he just went for some extremely vanilla bdsm sexting?

a) there is no ugly pics of me get real b) there is a punishment for telling embarrassing stories that is just not worth going through c) i'm p annoyed abt the sexting

and here i thought i should actually wear my leather trousers

you should definitely wear your leather trousers

are they the kind that's really tight?

is there any other kind of leather trousers?

god i hope not

is Peter going to be at the party?

yeah oc

why?

i feel like he and i should have a talk

...?

about how to revenge. possibly get a few embarrassing stories out of him.

hah. the kid is puppies and rainbows on his worst days

once in school i was going to put all our papers on the teacher’s desk after a test yeah and i kind of maybe switched his w/ my drafts and then threw his in the trash insead of my drafts… we didn't find out until after we got the tests back

his revenge was to put whipped cream in my shaving kit.

i cried for days as you can imagine

you???trashed???his???paper???

WTF KIND OF FRIEND ARE U

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

I DIDNT MEAN TO

I PUT ALL MY POCKET MONEY IN APOLOGIES SWEETS

I PERSONALLY EXPLAINED IT TO OUR PROFESSOR

HE GOT TO RETAKE THE TEST

holy fucking shit i need to sit that kid down

i didnt mean to!!

i'm going to come in and be like "hi i'm looking for Peter, Peter let's go somewhere private so i can explain the world to you"

hey now don't make me get all jealous

which brings me to the next topic of conversation

jealousy?

haha no

unless you keep friends that are prettier than you

i'm the prettiest.

score.

(this is me being trash boy-ish btw i'm not actually going to look at your friends.)

(unless u've been sending me pics of a friend of yours in which case i'll be over there talking to the gorgeous asian bloke)

haha yeah i've kind of figured you weren't so trashy

after the second dick pic?

well since there's not been any since

your wish is my command

(dick pic)

so do you take those as we talk or is there a secret stash of nice dick pics on your phone

well i'm not actually sporting a hard on in my queer histories class

ohhhh that sounds cool though!

it was up until we started students presentations

ouch

are they all so very wrong and are you the only one being the most right?

pretty much

but you derailed the conversation

so sorry please go on

i was going to ask who am i supposed to say invited me

me?

lily and peter know some random kik boy is coming

hehe

coming.

your trash boy badge is now taken away from you in favour of a Actual 10 Year Old Badge

i love me some badges

ANYWAY stop changing the subject

there is no subject as far as i'm aware

what's your name. that's the subject. i don't know your name. i know your best friends names and your best friend's wife's name but not yours. the subject is names. the question is what is yours.

well

actually

would you find it weird if i said i'd rather tell you in person?

...yes. very weird. why?

please tell me you have a french name so i can start laughing now

stop with the french thing god

and no it's not french

all right Jean

i'm uninviting you

it's just not a very common name and you're not going to believe me anyway so might as well have people around calling me by my name so you don't think i'm taking the piss

in my defence it's a family thing so i blame the inbreeding and the money

huh okay i'm going to bite

i have a weird name too

really?? what is it?

you don't get to know???

i'll tell you mine if you tell me yours

i asked first!

you have to tell me yours before i tell u mine

what if i told u my name has already been mentioned

what do you mean?

if you read through our conversation then you’ll see my name has already been said

no i did not sign up to play i spy

fine then.

guess we’ll learn each other’s names on saturday

but

………but?

its going to be hard to explain to my plus one whose party this is if i don’t have a name

you know what never mind

i'll sort it out

you do that

don’t forget the leather pants.

and the booze.

exactly.

ok then

class is over i'm gonna go home and shower all the stupidity away

aww are u gonna shower without me? :(

oh my god

you win you are the ultimate trash boy

i told YOU

fine

ttyl

ttyl

Chapter 5 Chapter Text

i know i said i wouldnt play i spy but what abt 20 qs

you win back the title of trash boy

shush its about your name

its pretty obscure…

but go on

is it related to your kik screen name?

ohhh

huh

very very distantly kind-of-ish-but-not-really

don’t read too much into it its what my friends call me

padfoot isn’t exactly a common nickname.

and i assume ""moony"" is????

its also a play on my name

not really a nickname so much but my friend thinks its hilarious

did you bare your arse at someone??

if so then you get the TROPHY of trashboyness

mmm... does accidentally count?

depends on context

pants slipping while i climbed out of a window? the neighbour was very surprised

but not as much as me tbh

it was cold out

do i... wanna know why u were climbing out of a window?

maybe not

o k then

i’m gonna count it tho

and the trophy goes to...

the nice dick dude apparently not-quite-named moony! congrats buddy

i’d like the thank the academy

who do you dedicate this award to, sir?

im going to dedicate it to padfoot who is a big fan of my dick pics

not gonna deny it

and to my parents for the genetic advantage to produce such spectacular dick pics

god bless ‘em

so, are you named after some french celebrity?

drop the french thing istg

u mentioned castles i'm not gonna drop that

well the castles are very cold and very useless and theyd be sold if my parents didn't like to hold onto tradition so much

sorry do you not have the money to heat up the castles that you own

castles are big. heating entire castles: difficult and expensive. ergo: not warm. never warm. one room is not-so-cold and then every where else is fucking antarctica. we also do not stay in the castles.

i'm learning a lot

okay i'm going to give u a clue to stray you from the french thing: my name is international.

what is that supposed to mean?

what im named after exists in every language

im even more confused.

i gave in and scrolled back up

is your name badge?

is my name badge.

you seem quite fond of them.

my very uptight mother named her first born badge, yes. my baby brother's name is pin and i almost married brooch.

sounds like a story i'd write

do you write really shitty stories

i hope not

i write kids stories i mean

well i want to write them professionally one day maybe possibly.

oh thats really cool

thats really fucking cute actually

i'm taking the trophy away moony

i could write the story for baby brother so you can explain your parents naming choices to him

haha baby brother is 20 i think he came to term with our names a couple years back

all right all right

but our names do belong in the same category. like. the tradition is spread through my family.

are you named after dog breeds

HOLY SHIT

pls tell me i'm right i'm dying

u're not right but you took a step in the right direction in like a parallel universe

but only regarding me. baby brother is not named patches tho i will now seriously consider it

hah

hah?

nothing

go on moony

u've used four questions up

oh shit you’re actually counting

i take games v seriously i’ll have you know

ok fine then

mmmmm…… does it start with a vowel?

what.. what kind of question is that? i almost don’t wanna count it it’s so bad

shut up and answer it

no, it does not start with a vowel. weirdo.

fine. will i be able to find it in 1000 most popular baby names of 1991?

definitely not

maybe 1891 would be more probable

but even then

damn. there goes that idea.

what?

i. maybe. have the 1000 most popular baby names of 1991 book beside me right now

whyyyy moony? r u really that obsessed

no no its my mum’s old copy

it’s for characters.

riiiiiight suuuuuure

im not obsessed with ur name ok.

your 20 qs might beg to differ

fine I’m cutting this off. done. i don’t care. i’ll call you fabio.

fabio? did you find that in your book

are you telling me you don’t know a fabio? you’re not a tru 90s kid then

HEY HOW DARE YOU

i’m the truest 90s kid ok

prove it

i still have my game boy colour.

holy shit

does it still work?

yep! charizard is going strong

i misjudged you

i’ll take that as an apology

do i get the trophy of True 90s Kid?

don’t push it

bring on your next question dick boy

(dick pic)

not that i am complaining but?

sorry fuck

mmm was i not the recipient for this message

wait

just so you know this sounds like 100% a trash boy move

i was in the tube

my messages weren't sending properly

so yes the dick pic was for you but there was something introducing it so the next messages are going to be all over the place

okaaaay

actually i should get a few bc hello i sent a few dick pics already

i bet you're a selfie addict

though you've sent a great selfie

all right so what do i have to do to get clues, send you dick pics?

this is like a puzzle

i'm sure your ten yold self playing pokemon at over twenty years old will love it

you're just jealous of my charizard

completely jealous

i've never finished a game actually

i always got bored of levelling them up

haha i used my baby brother for this i'd tell him "it's totally the coolest part"

and i am now glad to be a only child

he loved it

clue or selfie

halloweens over

so do i get a clue?

i walked straight into that one

not so straight i hear

alright pun master give me a min to think

when you said the "tradition is spread through my family" did you mean you are all named the same?

that'd be hilarious at parties

okay let's expand on that and not count it as a question

we're not all named the same (tho i'm the third of my name) but our names could be categorised as the same stuff

a) like colours?

b) that means i get a selfie that's not even a little bit helping me

actually. colour gets you a ding ding ding but like for surnames

(selfie pic)

you still look hot giving the stupidest thumbs up your genetics are really fucking good for all that inbreeding you're telling me about

hahaha thanks

and yes i'm a selfie addict to answer your earlier comment i mean look at that face it'd be a crime not to be

and u're vain to top it off

our generation's greatest accomplishment was to reclaim vanity

nice dick dude aka pot to my black kettle

touché, froggy

just don't

so is your name something we hear in every day conversation

this one is tricky

not unless you're in specialised fields but also yes bc the english language is the fucking stupidest

my surname gets you a more literal "yes and it's really annoying not to turn your head every time you hear that colour mentioned"

which brings us to me being 23yold and being called snobbish bc i don't answer to my names

i think the castles don't help

like 3 people know about the castles

and you.

am i part of the special castle club

i feel like you really wanna be

i'm scot i'd probably fight you on which castles are the best

why do i feel like i should not have told you this

if ye had tha chance ta cheenge yer faet whudju??

yes this would be why

YOU MAY TAKE OUR LIVES

stop it!!!

i’m sorry u get to go on about the french thing but i can’t quote you some popular scottish quotes

i’ll stop now i swear

since we’re at it

is your name scottish?

definitely not

so it’s not macbeth? that would have been my next guess

no so you can stop worrying that i’ll murder you in your castle

psh please macbeth was a pissant

it’s lady macbeth u gotta look out for

do u really want to have this discussion with someone who studies literature

shit no maybe not

is your name a religious thing?

nope

nice guess tho

i’m starting to run out tbh this is harder than i thought

there are billions of names of course it would be hard

even with the clues i’m getting nowhere

i used to think myself a clever person but now i am not so sure

all bc of my name

your stupid, wretched name

is it time for another clue

idk will it be any help

ur getting testy

i’m always naturally sarcastic

so long as ur not getting mad at me for having an impossible name

im not mad at you

your parents maybe

join the club

is it a big club?

not v big but we still have jackets

that's the only thing i look for in a club tbh

ok ok give me the clue

it starts and ends with the same letter

w o w woooow wowowowow that was so helpful

you are testy! u're so pissed u cant guess my name

it shldnt be this hard and yet

haha dw mate u'll wanna hit me when u hear what it is

i already wanna hit you tbh

yikes

im kidding

tho this was a bad idea is it saturday yet

i'm feeling generous keep the 14qs left for anything you want

can one of these questions be: what's your fucking name

huh well

my surname is black

shit

when i meant every day conversation i didn't think itd actually be every day conversation

poor pretty boy

tbh my first name is worst

like prepare for ground rules

my friends arent allowed to use a certain word and derivatives near me

...really?

as long as you don't ask me if i have a twin i think i can follow the rule

maybe

oooooh your name is from a twin set!!!

shit

yes.

ooooh

stop it that's not fair you're so much closer to finding out that i am

hehe

u do have a lot of clues its just that this tradition is so f unreal u'll never guess it

which makes it very unfair

what can i do to make you feel better?

do u have a french accent

i thought we were done with these jokes

well u asked what wld make me feel better

i grew up in islington mate

shld i be using royal titles then

id appreciate it thats for sure

all right princess

you either overestimate my man ego or underestimate how queer i am

it wasnt meant to be an insult either way

good

my mate Lilys going to be pissed i got called a princess

ill call her a princess too

shell love it

james will look very confused

is james like 8 foot tall before i get in too deep

(pic)

okay

?what?

you do get the 90s kid trophy

OH haha i wasn't even trying this is just the latest pic of james i have

im sure u thought sending me a pic of u two playing nintendo 64 wldnt mean anything

and we were playing mario kart too

oc u were

tbh we play a lot more of just dance around here

lots of gaming huh?

gotta know who does the dishes this week

the playing has consequences?

lets be real mate there are four people in this flat and only one bathroom

if we didn't have games tournament to let off steam there'd be a body somewhere

i'm not convinced there isn't one already

none you have proof about

are there plans to move now that peter has joined you?

eeeh no not really

this flat was given to me by my uncle as a "sorry your parents are shite" type of present so its basically free of charges and rlly well situated

plus v well soundproofed

we all wld rather be a little cramped than paying rent

thats understandable

sorry i just need a minute

"my rich parents are shite so my rich uncle gave me a fucking flat"

yes well i wont apologise for my family's money i cant help it or actually benefit from it anymore

thats not what i meant

its nice i guess

u'll never know the joy of looking for a room in london tho

its a real adventure to be had!

the closest i got to it was when Lily was looking for one right out of school

lasted for like a fortnight before her stuff was more in the flat than in suitcases and we were like "oh well"

oh i thought it was planned with the whole married thing

not really

well

it's not complicated it's just that they're idiots

i feel like there's a story

haha yeah sort of

so james has had this crush on Lily for ages in school but she turned him down once so he would only pine and pine for her but the pining was quiet, mostly just in the form of "L.E. <3" which he thinks was really discreet (yet really wasn't)

been there, done that

i want that story next

turns out during last year of school teachers suddenly couldn't stand james and i being paired up for everything anymore and decided to put lily and james together instead

aww

cue lots of blushing and LOTS of gushing like SO MUCH gushing if you need help in poetry class ask james he is the true master

and as a best friend you had to endure it all

i know more about this girl than i know about boyfriends i've had

that doesn't sound conclusive to good relationships

which explains the past tense

right.

anyways

the whole forced proximity makes Lily realise how great James is they fall in love they start snogging too often for my taste we catch them having sex too often for anyones taste

you know the drill

yeah okay that sounds p normal so far

yeah but the thing is: James' family is pretty religious

and i mean pretty religious like theyre very serious abt religion but in the good way

okay?

as in when i came out to them james mum sent me a week worth of my fav curry even tho we were in boarding school with like meals included

oh that's sweet

yeah.

so: very religious.

yes.

so i come out ard 17 with no problem whatsoever but a year later james goes "mum, dad, this is my girlfriend lily" w implied "neither of us are virgins get it"

uh-oh

yep.

let's just say words were said and james reaction was to go "anyway we're going to get married soon so there"

oh god

and lily next to him "yeah we're totally fiancés already"

she didn't.

she did.

so the wedding happened.

9 months into their relationship.

did u make a speech

of course i made a speech

it was called "how to kick the romeo and juliet curse, a lesson by James Potter and Lily Evans"

this is truly inspirational

isnt it? true love does exist after all

it restores my faith

yeah bc u sound like a romantic

shush moving on

i can use my 14qs on anything right

mmmm

why am i worried now

no need to worry

definitely worried now

so since u're so averse to sending nudes ill build my own picture

this is it. this is the trashiest of all trash.

do u have any piercings?

this is not where i thought this convo was going

sorry, how many inches

i have my tragus pierced and a stretcher 10mm and counting

oh theres also this

(pic)

holy SHIT ur kidding right

this is legit shit moony i wouldnt lie

you have your fkckifngn belly button pierced

belly button? moony thats so cute

most of us call it a navel

whaTEVER U CALL IT ITS PIERCED AND holy hot damn

so u like it

i might like it a lot

u dont rlly play hard to get do u

screw hard to get tbh i wanna lick ur abs

MOONY

u asked.

not really!! omg

this is what us literature folks call eerily silent

u talked abt licking my abs

u've seen my dick.

in different lights.

and angles.

i mean.

i didnt talk abt licking it

sadly enough

oh god

am i actually making you uncomfortable or is this just ur usual reaction to mild sexting

uncomfortable

wait

not the kind u meant

james' parents are over for diner

trying not to giggle at my phone rn

did u take the pic of ur "navel" in front of them

i have to know

haha yeah tbh i think they dont even notice me doing weird shit anymore

all right all right ill keep my trashy qs for another time then

stay w/ me we're watching some horror movie i need someone to hold my hand

can i hold onto something else

ohmygod

is that a yes

in front of the potters? that'll be a definite no not happening

dang i'll have to write off public sex w/ handsome kik boy off my list

i feel like i need to tell u that i blush rlly easily irl so pls keep from saying those things to my face

...

after i teach peter revenge ill teach you how to argue against something bc rn you gave me all the reason i needed to dirty talk u in public

hah

so are u actually that much of a kik boy then

huh

see what u said abt meeting my parents and being charming?

yeah?

the potters will ask me what church i go to and where i volunteer three minutes into meeting me that's how proper i look

never minding that i don't even go to a church so much as a synagogue but fucking christian expression

so you even look proper in leather trousers?

i may have been just showing off a little there

i dont actually own leather trousers

i sense disappointment

to a smiley degree even oh my

but i was so happy abt the leather trousers

i feel like u own leather trousers

what kind of queer do you think i am of course i do

and leather shorts

short shorts?

obviously.

god i really hope we like each other irl bc you're basically the perfectest guy i've ever chat up

haha calm down there ull have nothing to say when i tell u abt my corset

i really want to know abt the corset but like

i wasnt really joking

i think we do get along pretty well?

i mean this sounds like a nice thing we've got going on

idk

this could possibly be really nice?

your sexting is much more honed than your feelings talk isnt it

i guess it must be

but yes.

yeah?

yeah. i hope so too.

good

good

good good

good good good good

good good good good good

so whats the movie abt?

its The Ring

ooooh thats p old

yeah apprntly im missing out on something

says everyone whos forgotten i dnt like horror movies

im sure james' mum will sing u a lullaby afterward

haha she might just

she likes to sing us something for bedtime when she's around

thats not ridiculous at all at 23

parents are telling me off for texting ttyl

probs in seven days

just got your joke. im not happy w/ you.

james and i are sleeping in the living room. in front of the tv. i hate everything.

i cld call you if u wanted

haha id forgotten that part of the movie

i was genuinely telling you i could comfort you tho

im w/ james

lets hope u run faster than him

i hate u

i meant im w/ james i cant really talk

ok nvmd lilys asking for cuddles i have a few mins

"Evening."

"Seven days..."

"I fucking hate you. If I don't sleep tonight, no one here is sleeping."

"Is that why James is bunking with you?"

"Nah, we're leaving my room to his parents and Lily and Peter called shotgun first for the other two rooms."

"Just Dance and shotgun rules. This flat sounds like fun."

"It's all fun and super scary movies for no fucking reason whatsoever."

"I'm sure James'll hold you if you ask nicely."

"He fucking better."

"Lily won't mind?"

"Hah, no, not really. We've all known each other for years, our boundaries are a bit fuzzy."

"At least I've been warned."

"You'll love it. It's all cuddles and clothes sharing."

"I'd love to borrow your short shorts."

"Which ones?"

"That's the answer I wanted to hear."

"Hah. So, what were you up to tonight?"

"Waiting for my favourite kik boy to text me."

"And?"

"Not much, really. My Thursday nights are much less eventful than yours. Studied some, had diner, read some more."

"I'm all for swapping our evenings if it'd erase this movie from my brain."

"Such a lovely little girl, though."

"Shut up. We watched it on VHS, too. I fucking hate my life."

"Oh my god, you still have a VHS player."

"Lily's pretty big on vintage stuff."

"Bloody hipsters."

"Don't tell her that if you want to live."

"I'll keep it in mind."

"Mm...your accent is really thick..."

"S'not the only thing that's thick."

"Oh my god you are such a fucking trash boy, I can't believe it."

"Hah. Your accent's much less posh and french than I've hoped."

"Yeah, my accent laxed up once I started hanging out with James. I could do a French accent just for you but if he hears me he's never gonna let it go."

"I reckon James and I would get along really well."

"It scares me a little bit, to be honest."

"We'll make sure you know the jokes are made out of love."

"Sure you will."

"...the fuck are you doing over..."

"Just a minute, Prongs!"

"Shit."

"Yeah, sorry, I've got to go."

"No, no, I mean - shit. I think I've heard your name."

"Oh."

"But I'm not sure. Fuck, this is going to haunt me all night. Something with an 's'?"

"Haha, weeell, you are on the right track."

"Fuck, fuck... Shit. Fuck, mate, give me another clue."

"No more clues, Moony. Sleep time."

"I didn't think you'd call me Moony out loud."

"What else am I supposed to call you?"

"Dunno, pretty boy. I like your other nickname for me just fine."

"All right, trash boy, I've really got to go now. James' getting all fussy because we're past his bedtime."

"Mm... not the nickname I was hoping you'd go for."

"Good night, Moony."

"Good night, Mister S."

still up?

"Hi."

"Did she get James already?"

"Fuck off. No. I just feel bad waking him since we're getting up early tomorrow."

"Is he still breathing, though?"

"I fucking hate you... yeah. Yeah he is. I really fucking hate you."

"Always good to check on those things."

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Alice - my plus one, actually, and one of my roommates, too - she went to see a musical and she's not home yet."

"All right, mummy Moony."

"No but... she's on her way home now and she asked me to wait up. Apparently she has something to tell me that can't wait 'til actual morning."

"Oh. Did that sound good or bad?"

"She sounded chipper but not about telling me the news, so..."

"Oh. Well, huh, tell me about it when you know. If you want."

"Yeah. Thanks. How's your life going?"

"You mean is there a shadow that I can't for the fucking life of me remember what it could be? Yep, there is."

"But you do know what it is, darling."

"Shut up. No. But real-... seriously."

"I kind of can hear it when you smile, you know."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't about your fucking joke. My life is at stake."

"Sure. Did you turn the lights on?"

"Yeah, I got up to the other side of the room, in the fucking dark, and turned the lights on when there's already a shadow watching me."

"God. Do you need someone to kill your spiders, too?"

"I can deal with spiders, thank you very much. We know what they can do. And English spiders, let me tell you: not much."

"Actually, that's great. I hate spiders. You'll be the spiders person in this relationship."

"Fine."

"I'll be the person who wakes up for you during the night and makes love to you until you forget you're scared."

"Mm. Okay. But that doesn't solve my current shadow problem."

"Thought I could steer you away from the shadow problem."

"James' hand is literally on me, phone sex would make this even creepier."

"So you did actually cuddle with James, huh."

"Yeah, I mean, I told you. Boundaries. Fuzzy. And... mmm... and I sleep better when I cuddle someone."

"Aw. That's sweet. Who is it then, when James's busy?"

"I sleep between James and Lily and get twice the cuddles."

"Good strategy."

"Yeah."

"There's no one else, then?"

"Peter's pretty good at petting my hair, too."

"You're avoiding the subject a little, there, Mister S."

"I don't even know what the fucking subject is. Is there someone in my bed every night? No, there isn't."

"It was more of a 'will I have to sword fight an ex for your pretty eyes' kind of question. I didn't mean to imply anything else. How's the shadow?"

"Ugh- fuck. It's - it's still there. I don't fucking know what it could be. I'm taking every furniture out of this room at the first light."

"So, no phone sex and the shadow is still unidentified... what else should we talk about?"

"How many roommates do you have?"

"Just the three. Alice, Marlene and Alice's brother, Callum."

"How did you meet?"

"I had that one class with Alice's brother and he told me they were looking for a fourth roommate, but Alice was never around long enough to meet the candidates. So I met with Marlene first, had her like me, then tried for, like, a week before I got a hold of Alice on the phone. The first thing she did was to make our mums call each other to ‘approve of my character’."

"Oh my god."

"London's flat hunt is a jungle."

"I can see that."

"And Marlene has been her friend since moving to London, so that's it. My life is pretty tame compared to yours. We even have a schedule for chores."

"Hah. We used to have a chore schedule, too. With gold stars, and all."

"What happened to it?"

"Lily and I would do all the chores over and over again to get the most gold stars which - anyway, we almost got into a fight because of it. That's when the Just Dance championship started."

"There must never be a boring day in your life."

"Haha, yeah, I guess not. So, what do you do when there's tension?"

"We talk it out. Or we sulk. You know, like adults."

"Lame."

"Yeah, I guess so. Don't know how I'd do with Just Dance, though. I'm not the most coordinated person."

"You'd learn. After having to do the bathroom four months in a row, you'd learn. Believe me."

"I feel like there's some real life experience behind that."

"Not even me. But Pete used to say he was bad at dancing, always on the couch during parties and all that. Well, now, he is the party. The party does not exist before Peter dances."

"Oh my god. I can't wait to see that."

"Two more days."

"Out of seven?"

"Don't make me hate you before I see you."

"You're so easy."

"Only about horror movies."

"Yeah, I gathered."

"... excuse me?"

"Mm? I can't even make jokes about it?"

"About what?"

"How strangely prudish you are."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Huh. You ask for dick pics. Like, I could screen cap it for you but you did ask for seeing my dick more than once. But every time sex is mentioned, you don't want to hear it."

"It's..."

"I don't mind, yeah? I just think it's funny. Cute-funny. ‘I don't understand why’ type of cute-funny."

"I just..."

"I mean, is it the HIV thing? Because I can promise, even in my fantasies, we're being perfectly safe."

"No - god. No, it's not. Fantasies?"

"Again, you asked for dick pics. I should hope you're not just collecting them to tell my mum what London is doing to her wee bairn."

"Christ, no. No, I'm not."

"All right, then. So maybe it's the fact that we've actually never seen each other or that we talked for the first time tonight - I don't know. I just - I'm not even complaining. I was just taking the piss."

"Again, where is the smoothness of your chat up lines."

"Shut up."

"It’s not… prudishness. I’m not some blushing virgin.”

"I wouldn’t mind if you were. That’d be adorable.”

"And it’s definitely, definitely not the HIV thing. Really, it’s not.”

"Okay. But it does sound like a thing.”

"It’s… it’s a small thing.”

"I’m really just poking fun. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

"Well... Um...”

"Relax, Padfoot. We’ll talk about something else.”

"Shall we talk about the fact that you honestly just called me 'Padfoot'?”

"Yes, I know and it felt weird. That’s not a normal name! Who thought of this?!”

"You can’t talk, Moony.”

"This is seriously wrong.”

"HAH. Well - um, yes, yes indeed. Very, seriously wrong. Oh God.”

"The fact that there are people who genuinely call you Padfoot is astounding…”

"James is called Prongs. And Peter is Wormtail. So, it could have been worse.”

"Wormtail sounds unfortunate.”

"It is. It really is.”

"Oh - hang on, Alice has just come home.”

"Should I… are you hanging up?”

"She’s… bouncing on the balls of her feet. I’ll message you the details, this looks like a fun conversation.”

"I hope it is fun. Anything that doesn’t allude to my death is very much appreciated right now.”

”Sleep tight, Padfoot.”

"Thanks.”

"Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

"Are you being purposely creepy?”

"Don’t forget to check under the bed.”

ARSEHOLE thats not the kind of thing you end a phone call with!!!!

;-)

are u asleep?

what do u think???? “check under the bed”?????

omg hahahahaha

also im too pumped up to sleep

i got up and drank some coffee

armed with my trusty iphone torch to protect me from the darkness and creepy little girls

well that was a shit idea

yeah it really was

i wldnt throw my iphone at anything even to save my life

that's not what I meant

what?

coffee? at night? not a good idea

whatever ok.

what was alices good news

bittersweet news.

or bittersweet for me

why? what happened?

her bf is coming back home from a year abroad in japan

yay?

oh yeah frank’s cool

but hes going to be living here

in this tiny house

with stupidly set rooms

and thin. really thin. walls

HAAAA

whERE MY ROOM IS RIGHT NEXT TO HERS

oh moony ur going to have a blast

no no THEY are going to have a blast and im going to hear!!! all!! about it!!! as it happens!!!

u poor boy

i really am.

this is terrible i have no where else to go

how effective are ear plugs? i cant sleep with music on

whens he coming back?

in two weeks

IT’S NOT LIKE HE COULDNT STAY WITH HIS MUM OOOH NOOOO

but alice is super excited.

cant stay mad

but still. ew.

ew is right

but who knows moony. maybe.

maybe what?

well u're welcome to come over here

im welcome to do WHAT now

stay!! stay over here!!

i hate u.

i like making you squirm

i noticed THANKS

thank you for the offer tho

i kinda feel like i need to say smthg

what do you need to say?

abt the idk. sex thing.

u dont have to

i said its ur business

yeah but i also wanna just clear some things up i guess

ok sure

this is going to sound really snobby

the rich french guy with castles is going to sound snobby? incredible. who would have thought.

bastard

go on then, snob

huh

well

most blokes only talk to me or chat me up for sex

it keeps happening actually and tbh its getting on my nerves

do you think im only talking to you for sex?

this is me asking if you are

cant exactly say im against the idea of having sex w/ you tbh ok

but id also like to point out that i asked for a date

which im still holding onto btw

is saturday counting as a date?

oh. mmmm maybe?

can i propose that it not be counted as a date as an excuse for there to actually be a date?

id like to go on a date w/ you is what im getting at

ive used that word too much now

date date date

so you really wanna go on a date with me

im hoping for a continuation of dates

a series of dates

so many dates that some might call it dating

but i guess thats your call

what if we go on like 5000 dates and we still dont have sex

i'd thank the stars for those 5000 dates in the first place

thank the stars. interesting phrase.

its a common phrase?

we wont count saturday as a date then

maybe a ‘meeting you for the first time hi hows it going’ thing

and then a date

somewhere nice

idk

what do u think

somewhere nice sounds good. sounds nice.

har har

so i guess u really dont just like me for my nice dick

as nice as it is. u're pretty cool too.

"pretty cool"

u're king of trash boys. the holiness.

so romantic. im swooning.

im pulled to you like waves to the moon?

now ur making fun

yeah

wanker.

im glad i got the kik name wrong

yeah

me too.

well i think i should attempt sleep again

even after coffee? good luck on that

thanks

hopefully i wont kick james too much in my sleep

hopefully i wont kick alice too much full stop.

you should buy the best ear plugs money can buy

that is indeed the plan

failing that you could always engage in “two can play that game”

r u insinuating what i think u are

yes and now im going to bed

limited to one sex joke a day huh

or one a week

shush

sleep

you're too cute

goodnight.

Chapter 6 Chapter Text

its 6 am and im awake

iM AWAKE

IM AWAKE

omgdod imtoo why

im awake

its 6am

i fcking gathered

lilys making crepes

great! im going back to sleep

i hardly slept

too much coffee and anxiety

good night padfoot

its morning

6 in the morning

you dont want crêpes with us?

why are u doing this

im an arsehole

im learning this incredibly quickly

"Oh my god, what?”

"We’re having crêpes, Moony.”

"You mentioned. Please let me sleep.”

"Do you have anything important to do today?”

"Huh… Mm... No... I don’t think so. I don't know. It’s a little hard to think this early in the morning.”

"Well, then you can nap later. Everyone say good morning to Moony!”

"*Mornin’!*"

"Good morning!"

"You all sound far too happy for six am.”

"That’s the power of crêpes.”

"Not powerful enough to transcend telephone lines, if I’m going to be honest.”

"I like honesty.”

"I'm honestly mad you misused this power of having my number.”

"Not misuse! This is in important thing that you should be a part of.”

"Crêpes?”

"Crêpes. I always share crêpes with the people I like.”

"Aw, so you like me?”

"That’s the general message I’m trying to get across. Yes.”

"You woke me up at six in the morning to tell me you like me?”

"Well. Yes. I thought maybe I didn’t convey that convincingly last night.”

"Oh my god, Padfoot.”

"So! I should let you go back to bed!”

"You’re too much.”

"Be quiet! Go to sleep!”

"Adorable bastard.”

"Good night, Moony.”

"Enjoy your crêpes.”

i am now messaging u at a reasonable hour

have you just woken up?????

...maybe.

what if i have?

u've wasted the whole day!

its only two

in the afternoon!!

not all of us can get up at six!!!!!

u should make the effort! crepes happen at six!

well u know what happens at two?

what moony

what happens at 2

u force ur roommate to drive u to mcdonalds

classy

and then proceed to tell them u forgot ur wallet

chEAP

it works every time

ur lazy

im not even dressed

this is the most horrific thing ive ever heard

i wonder if ill brush my teeth today….

MOONY

YOU HAVE TO!

do i? i always brush my teeth after breakfast but i didnt have breakfast

please

moony please brush your teeth

ill think abt it

after i have a dozen nuggets

a dozen

a dozen

did u forget that i just woke up?

this is so unhealthy

ahh yes. coffee at midnight is a much better idea

tell me ur at least wearing shoes?

nope

good god

sorry am i not fancy enough for u

not classy enough for mr castles

not CLEAN enough

u say that to the hiv positive guy?

shit

sorry oh my god im sorry

im kidding holy god

evil.

ur evil and going to die of a heart attack before anything else

if i go down im taking a dozen chicken nuggets with me

disgusting

what have u been up to after the great stupidity of 6am crêpes?

stupidity?? u're a heretic

sure

sooo: BRUSHED MY TEETH, went running with football team, came back for 2nd breakfast w the Potters, BRUSHED MY TEETH, met my baby brother for brunch, BRUSHED MY TEETH, started planning the playlist for tomorrow w/ Pete

which is what im doing rn

any suggestions?

wait a sec i need to make fun of u first

oh yeah sure go ahead

ur whole day was abt food and u're wishing me a heart attack over a couple chicken nuggets?

u seem to have a bit of a fixation on brushing ur teeth id get that checked

so hobbits r born from inbreeding huh?

did u call him patches i need to know for scientific reasons

ew, football

double ew abt running

all right im out

i hoped youd be

hah

that too.

and i did call him patches which he was v confused abt

no other response?

err

i like food and i like having clean teeth

is this going to be a problem

i meant abt u calling him patches

didnt he ask why?

nope

as it is custom in my family he went along w/ the insanity

he twitched a little bit tho

adorable little puppy

im curious abt something but i dnt wanna be insensitive

ask away

ive got a thick armour abt family stuff if for nothing else

theres just no right way to ask this actually its rlly just curiosity

but like curiosity abt u

bc im curious abt u

bc i like you

all right moony spill before u end up proposing

when you say "madness central" and "insanity" i'm trying to establish what you might be saying

mmmm my mother could outyell james when he has to sit a game out, my father likes the vineyard part of france more than the castle part, one of my cousin takes more pills than there are hours in a day, another had a kid right out of school WITH A BEGGAR (aka he didn't make 1mil a month), last cousin is errr well she's fine as far as i'm aware

she's standing on the side w/ patches singing the "i won't rock the boat" song over and over again regardless of anything else that might be happening

christ

peter is reading over my shoulder and wants u to know that "exaggerating is an euphemism of what (i) do"

im confused.

well according to him my family is fine as long as u don't rock the boat

but you rock the boat.

the boat has never stopped rocking since i put foot on it.

atta boy

woof

what abt u then? any horror family stories?

just the usual

weird uncles and drunken aunts

nothing as... exciting as yours

haaah "exciting". sure.

no siblings?

i am the blessed only child

spoiled u mean

yes

everything has to be abt me or ill cry

i also dnt like sharing

ill keep that in mind

u never gave any requests for the playlist

barbie girl

the crazy frog song

maybe some nsync?

u r banned from suggestions

enya

spice girls?

ill tell u what i want what i rlly rlly want

SERIOUS suggestions

spice girls is serious

im gonna die

what? why?

nvm

ur music taste sucks

fine then

uptown funk

its already on there 3 times

wise choice

kids bop?

fuck off

tell me then mozart who have u got

idk club music shit

peter is in charge mostly

parlez vous francais?

get out

aaaaah so ur familiar w/ that one

im not surprised

i regret asking u

right said fred? too sexy for my shirt?

oh god

peter added it to the list

DAMNIT

its not a real party unless u play it

peter knows what hes doing

peters also trying to add spice girls

just give in to it

i hope beyonce is on there

peter put in single ladies as the first song

getting over the break up?

he knows the dance perfectly

hes gonna show off

i definitely want to see that

he says he doesnt dance for free

bring cash

tell him only if theres a pole

DONT GIVE HIM IDEAS

"NO PETER WE CANNOT INSTALL A POLE BEFORE SATURDAY"

its not in the budget

maybe next time then

if im drunk enough when he asks again

so… is this going to be that kind of party

what kind of party?

the kind with drunk people

err theres going to be alcohol and some people have a funny idea of moderation but its not like a get drunk throw up on the freshly washed floor party

ok just checking

u’re not much for that kind of party are u

my tolerance for drunk people stops when they throw up

nice to know u won’t hold my hair

i hope i don’t have to hold ur hair

technically im gonna be trying to impress u so minimum of drunkenness shld happen

if u start taking shots when i get there ill know what it means then

that u’ll be taking them right along w me

hah

so freshly washed floors huh? dyou need help setting up?

gasp are u saying what i think ur saying

peter loves u already

peter is an easy man to please

i bet hed send me nudes

w/ vanilla sexting on top

lets stop this conversation there im gonna make u uncomfortable again

rlly tho if u need help don’t hesitate ive freed my weekend from readings and work

for meeee

in case it was a shots shots shots kind of party and i needed to recover

grandpa moony

you've no idea

well u can come anytime tomorrow therell be someone in buuuut not me

i know, sad

are u going on a last minute shopping spree

u’ve never seen my clothes can u wait until u insult me??

omg im not insulting im just

christ

what are u doing all day tomorrow padfoot

its my brothers birthday weekend and his birthday wish is his big brother hanging w/ him

oh thats sweet

the plan is to hang in barcelona

ok i need to believe u typed that wrong but i don’t know what else u cld possibly mean

yes well i didnt type it wrong

patches is taking us to a fun day in spain filled w/ crazy art stuff and probs the beach bc if im going near the mediterranean there shld be beach time but then im coming back to party with youuu

god

yes im listening young sinner

i got that u were rich but thats another level of rich

its not really that expensive to fly to barcelona in low cost

are you flying low cost???

…thats besides the point

so ur private jet is taking u and ur brother to spain and flying you back home in the same day

well its my brothers plane and his friends are involved but yes

i mean

we cld report meeting if u wanted to spend the weekend with ur brother i feel bad that u wld fly back the same day?

oh god don’t feel bad

everyone is flying back theres a birthday event thingy tomorrow night anyway he just wants to have fun bfore the addams family cast is brought together again

i said bad but i don’t feel bad for the rich kids flying to barcelona lets be real

if it helps i drew the line at taking the helicopter there

i think i need to lay down

im kidding

r you really? please say u are?

…abt the helicopter

christ

only a little anyway

?????

i wont say more in case i give u an aneurysm

too fucking late

idk why ur upset i mean

i can shower u in gifts

omg ur right

i can marry rich and never have to work another day in my life

ur twenty years away from being my sugar daddy

THAT

THAT IS THE MOST TRASH BOY THING EVER

im unashamed

bury me in fur coats and diamonds

u dont need to sext me padfoot just send me screen shots of ur bank account

and i thought u liked me for my looks

it’s a good bonus. a pretty face perfectly framed by all those dollar bills

fine in which case ur now my trophy husband

what are my duties as trophy husband? charity works in your name?

nah mostly just following me around in skimpy outfits

as long as u're the one paying for those skimpy outfits

i recall something abt leather pants too

maybe they can make an appearance

i dont see why not

maybe some high heels

hang on

what

i dont think i could do heels

what have u got against heels

huh the fact that they are terrifying

i would break my ankle

thats why u gotta practice

ive seen alice walking in them

it looks hard, to say the least

it is hard

told u

u get used to it eventually

how long is eventually?!

…its been a few months and im still not used to it

ud have to hire me a tutor

which u could totally do w/ all your money

why wld i waste money on that when i can watch you fall on ur arse for free

i dnt need to be falling for u to watch my arse fyi

MOONY

just letting u know padfoot. they dont call me moony for nothing

arnt i glad to know

well i figured since ur the sports type u might like sport people

which just so we're clear i am so very much not

figured that at the ew abt running and the DISGUSTING chicken nuggets

yes well i’m not a sports person but at least be aware that i do have a great arse

peter is appalled at our conversation

he’s asking if we’re really discussing the connection b/w sports and good butts

from what google tells me running is great for a round and toned arse

i wld need a picture as proof of this tho

and this is where we change subject

hit me

...you're really making this hard

shouldn't i

ANYWAY theres something thats been bugging me

oh? shld i be worried

worried? what

no no

just

what makes someone look for an apartment in london when they live in SCOTLAND

the enriching culture

that sounds like such a bland answer.

like u’ve practiced or smthing

i had to apply for a scholarship at uni so yes. it is practiced.

but im not a university

ok then

something supposedly romantic like moving across countries for a girl

what happened?

lets just say the gay agenda can count on me

omg shit

its fine it was years ago

at least i got a threesome before the break up

what a good trash boy u r

silver lining and all that

so u moved here for her and stayed bc u loooove london? or was there something else

well if u ever meet my mum remember that i absolutely hate london and english ppl are the bane of my existence and i only stay bc of studying opportunities

and the truth is?

im NEVER going back home

apart from the amazing galleries and seeing movies in a proper theater at the actual release date and plays SOoo many cheap plays

omg and queer bookstores QUEER BOOKSTORES FOR QUEER BOOKS

hahaha

london also has great aids support groups

u don’t find young but 18+, queer AND with actual recognition of bisexuals, nonreligious BUT not pro-atheist groups at every corner let me tell u

oh thats nice

im glad you could find that

yeah its great

the pple are really nice

also

free condoms

like u wldn’t believe

i could bathe in them thats how many i get

what a silver lining

isn’t it just

also a not-so-thinly-disguised implication

implication? no implications here none

none at all?

i have dozens of condoms no implications

well that sure is good 2 hear

but if there WAS an implication

if there was, theoretically, an implication, itd be that...?

that im v safe and aware of risks

and take all the precautions

just

just so u know

i never doubted it

good

cool

u can drop the safe thing tho? like i believe u

i also am aware of risks and aware of how to avoid risks

like maybe i wasnt so much bfore but i looked it up

went to get tested wednesday too

negative just so we're clear

oh good thats good

well im glad

gay agenda and hiv education my true purpose in life

forget writing kids book i'll just be a queer billboard

u could write books abt it! queerness and hiv for kids

that...that sentence doesn't sound right. lets not give kids hiv

the catholic church is onto you

well theyve been onto me since ive dropped church choir at 12

church choir huh?

youll be glad to know theres several pictures in my flat

lily is pretty fond of the look

u just keep on telling me how well im gonna get on with your friends

really well

hah i hope

i have a hunch theres gonna be a evaluating committee or smthing

with like physical evaluations and iq tests

please tell them im not a sport person bfore i get there

id rather deal with maths questions than jumping over something

sorry moony im afraid ull hav to complete a beep test

tell me ur joking rn

it might break james’ heart to hear ur umm… underdeveloped in the sports area

but he'll get over it

good god

chillax moony

did u seriously just tell me to chillax

i v much just did

r we back in 2000?

moony

moony.

chillax.

i’ll chillax once u stop w/ the surfer slang

thats not what i meant

my friends will like u ok. c h i l l a x.

haha im totally chillaxed abt that.

ur lying

no im not

did u grow up near a french surf spot then

how did we get back on the french thing

subtle change of subject

i see

and no

we did go to france for summers but to the vineyards

theyre like

in the middle of france

is that near paris

oh god

no.

ok ok frenchie can u even put the scot border on a map

i hate u

so no mediteranean growing up?

well actually no we used to go to vietnam for that

when i was still mummys favourite i could pick where we'd spend august and so august was always beach fun there so i could be tan and show off to the english

did u just

what

you

you just did a us vs them with the english being them

u just admitted ur not english

did i mention that i hate you

its ok france has some good stuff

cheese and aforementioned wine

im sure vietnam has good stuff too

ugh

also bread

france is pretty good for the bread

so i hear

ive always wanted to go to the south of france tbh

so fancy sounding and actually sunny beaches

oh is your hometown near the beach?

yep

but like the always cold non-swimmable type of beach

unless ure drunk enough

which has happened before ill admit

that sounds like fun

summers in vietnam and france werent fun?

no it was actually

parents would leave patches and i with our cousins to "babysit" us

which is how i had my first hangover at 10

christ

it was on good wine tho im not fussed

i thought youd have had like tutors or something

one babysitter per person

at least one aupair speaking russian

hah

we did have help but mostly parents trusted the cousins

they're 4, 6 and 8 years older than me so for my first hangover there was technically an adult on the premises

it seems they had a firm hand on what was happening

at least THEY held my hair

i know someone who wldnt do that

omg i just noticed

when u said "have help" you mean you had people who were "the help"

as in maids??

omg

i need to sit down

werent u lying down already

i got up since but i shouldn't have this afternoon is a rollercoaster

har har

and yeah "help" tutors and maids and cooks so on and so forth

just so we're crystal clear i have no access to that money anymore

it fucks me up that u ever had access to it

eh i thought everyone did up until i met pete

ooh is there a story

not really

mostly "my new friends should fly to vietnam to spend the summer with me!!!"

and james was like "yeah!!!"

and peter was like "i need to lay down"

peter is going to be my anchor at this party

we can have a working class corner if u want

peter does have a lot of red crepe paper

we could make a marxism class out of it

lily'll love the idea

omg i think this is the poshest thing ive heard from u

hah

want me to tell u abt how i grew up wanting nothing more than to have mcdonalds

but my parents always forbade me to

so my only burgers were home grilled and had the bitter taste of restrained freedom

but when i finally had mcdonalds i managed to get food poisoning

omg

and ever since ive never managed to eat there and my friends keep making fun of me abt it.

they say my palates too posh

luckily for me its the new hipster trend to have it properly made

hipster trash boy

we all have a lil hipster in us

hah

ok im caving

hipster-est thing ive done: get a star tatoo

you're kidding.

i wish i was

PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING

omg u're making me even more ashamed

its on my ribs ok no one sees it

moony

im absolutely speechless

it was an 18yold thing ok

i was all "im moving to a big city im so free no one controls me"

and i thought a tattoo wld be the cherry on the cake

...

i hate u rn

ive grown up since

no more black rimmed glasses and i use facebook unironically now

im afraid to ask

oh u don't remember? there was a fake-glasses phase a couple years ago

i've kept the cardigans but the glasses are gone i swear

theres too many things i need to process here

i feel like you're just making fun of me

?? what

im baring my soul to u and you think im making fun of you

not many people know abt the glasses phase

this is the least problematic thing uve said

ok no maybe not i need to make fun of the glasses at some point

but

im still on the star tattoo

come on its so common

oh BELIEVE ME i know how common it is

well then what is it

do you have a special dealbreaker clause for people with star tattoos

omg

no i don't

i feel like i should have one but i don't

a great mind once said "we all have a lil hipster in us"

i don't think he had imagined the possibility of this happening ever

what?

im a bit confused

sorry

just wow so hipster trash you get a medal, a trophy and a banner

literature student with cardigans and a star tattoo

yeah i know theres abt 10million of us out there

your dick sets you apart

HAHA

good good

james is home we're going shopping for tomorrow ttyl

ok ttyl

sorry to report tesco does not sell poles

peter is heartbroken

james is trying to see how we cld do a makeshift one

there are issues with the weight tape and cardboard could hold and now peter is heartbroken and upset with james

these kids i swear

i hope u like oj and vodka

tho ill make u a martini if u ask nicely

or well u know if

actually theres been a decrease of dick pics as the time for meeting approaches

are u trying to make a good impression

not to put a damper on ur dreams but TOO LATE I KNOW WHAT YOUR DICK LOOKS LIKE TRASH BOY

i told peter abt the working class corner

primary school teacher mode kicked in hard

i hope ur proud of urself

we're gonna drown in lil red paper hammers

i warned james that u werent a sports person

he is now asking for your sports history

yes

like medical history but with sports

pls include your close relatives history in your file

measurements can be taken at a later time

im so sorry

OHMYGOD i left my phone FIVE minutes

well in ur """five""" mins i had time to have diner and be forced into making red paper sickles

thanks a lot

i wasnt warned of peters choice of career therefore this cannot be my fault

u shld have known

ah yes in the ever so profound and sober 3mins conversation i had w/ him we had time to exchange our lifestories

i have glue in my hair moony

well its probably just child glue so itll come off with a shower

i ddnt ask for this

im gonna assume *you* were aware of his career choice before he moved in so technically...

i dont like logic rn

youre not a craft person huh

i was up until i was abandoned by my supposed friends bc all of them have "better things to do than make a kikboy laugh"

ohmygod

aww and also what

ill tell u what theyre useless friends

pls expand

they thought this was for me but then i explained our conversation and they left

i hate them

i want to go to the friend shop and exchange them

sooo ur alone rn?

.......yes

sorry its just u were with peter earlier and the whole gang this morning and you and james' parents yesterday etc etc

we’re quite the closely knitted bunch u cld say

i didnt say that like its a problem

this is me asking if i can call you

yes you may

in 5 mins? im gonna go in my room

yep

"I'm hanging up at the first The Ring reference."

"Hah, sure. Good evening. You're still a bit shell-shocked by that, huh?"

"Horror movies are not my friend, Moony."

"Neither, apparently, are star tattoos."

"What?"

"You were very shocked by that, too."

"It’s just… Oh god, I can’t explain. You’ll understand soon, I think. I’ll explain later."

"Oh, come on!"

"Sorry, Hipster Boy, my lips are sealed."

"You know, with any other person it would have pissed me off but I’m just so fucking intrigued."

"I’m honoured."

"I’ll get to the bottom of this."

"I’m sure you will. I have faith. "

"Everything is so different with you, actually."

"What do you mean?"

"I… didn’t actually mean to say that out loud. Shit."

"Well, now you definitely have to explain. Guess you could say I’m fucking intrigued."

"It’s just… I don’t want to sound like I’m going on about it, but…"

"Moony? Still there?"

"Just. Hmph. You’re like, the first person who’s had such a… a non-reaction to my… thing."

"Your dick? I had quite a reaction to that, to be honest."

"No, oh my god. No, the HIV thing."

"The first one to… really? It’s… it’s not that big – I mean, it is, but like, it doesn’t change anything."

"I've had so many relationships, or like almost relationships, that would fall apart after I tell them. And maybe I should have always led by that, I mean, not to brag but I'm pretty easy to date once you know about that bit. And then people would think I was lying to them or something? But I wasn't. I never... it wasn't, like, a secret. It's not the fucking eighties."

"You think a lot, don't you?"

"That's one way to put it."

"You know what you need to do, then."

"Are you going to say something stupid like ‘stop thinking.’"

"Sort of."

"Ugh. Fine. What do I need to do, then?"

"You need crêpes."

"Of course. Are you coming to make me crêpes?"

"No... I would, really, but I'm going to sleep soon because of tomorrow but I would, I mean... do you need me to? I could tell R-Patches to pick me up at yours."

"No, no, it's fine. I'm okay. I'm just in a whiny mood and you were talking to me and I like your voice. I didn't mean for this to turn into that kind of talk. I haven't even sucked you off yet and I'm making it all weird already."

"You place importance on the strangest things."

"I could say the same about you."

"How could you possibly?"

"You’re telling me to make crêpes so I can feel better."

"It’s a sound theory."

"It’s a strange one."

"Are you refusing to do it?"

"No, I guess not. What would I need?"

"Flour, three eggs, sugar, salt and milk."

"The way you listed that at the top of your head it’s like you've been making them every day of your life."

"Not even. I had a cook to do it for me for the longest time. Lily's the first one to have told me I could actually do it myself."

"Thank god for Lily."

"I didn't even believe her for the longest time. Not like... not believe... I just thought it wouldn't be the same."

"Was it?"

"Nah, not really... but it's okay. We've got a pretty good recipe down, anyway."

"So I’m being passed on a family recipe."

"Welcome to the family, Moony. Do you have those ingredients?"

"I don’t know, actually."

"Huh? Then go look, slob."

"But I'd have to be vertical. I don't want that."

"You can be horizontal at another time and I won't mind."

"Oh this is immoral. Getting me up with innuendos. That's just wrong."

"Get you up, ayyy?"

"Awful. Despicable. I'm appalled. I'm up."

"Good job. To the kitchen, now."

"Is this going to be a step by step? I don't think we have a bowl."

"What?"

"Mm... maybe we do. I don't know. I've never used one."

"Moony."

"What! It's not like I need one at Mcdonalds."

"You may not have to get into sports but you're gonna have to drop your Mcdonalds bit near James."

"Oh, no. He's healthy?"

"The healthiest."

"Ew. Ok, well, I'll be able to tell him I've had crêpes too, this week, and not just various fastfoods items."

"Glad I could help. Have you found a bowl? I can hear rattling."

"I found one. How do I know if it's big enough?"

"We'll figure it out soon enough."

"Those are really solid instructions."

"I'd appreciate if you'd refer to me as Chef from now on."

"Sure, pretty boy."

"So, pour 125grams of flour in your bowl."

"... like, just pour it? Shouldn't I sift it?"

"What?"

"Flour poured."

"Good boy...what? Why are you bloody giggling?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"Moooooony...."

"Didn't peg you for the authoritative type, that's all. But we'll work that out later."

"Really. This is not the time to be a trash boy."

"Sorry. Crêpes are an important biz."

"It is. And I'm not."

"Mm?"

"I'm not the authoritative type. Now crack the three eggs in and make sure you don't leave shell bits."

"Mm-mm..."

"Add 30 grams of sugar, brown if you have it."

"Nope, sorry your majesty."

"And then add like, a pinch of salt. Maybe more than pinch. A little teaspoon of salt."

"Why are we adding salt? Aren’t crêpes sugary? I've prepared my palate for sugary."

"You've prepared your palate."

"Aye, I have."

"Aye, noye ye-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, Mister."

"Haha... Mm... so you're the authoritative type, mm?"

"Yeah. It was implied, before. Is that going to be a problem?"

"Shush, Moony. Ok, are you done?"

"Salt regretfully added. It doesn't look very appetising. When can I add mayonnaise?"

"Crêpes are sacred, Moony. Treat this as such."

"On my knees, you mean?"

"Get the milk."

"Milk's already in hand."

"Oh, have you made crêpes before?"

"It's the last ingredient left and I'm assuming it wasn't just for me to drink up."

"You're a smart cookie."

"I like to think I am. Not so much about names, but I try."

"You're going to hate me so much once you find out my name, I swear."

“I’ve been telling Alice it’s Enjolras.”

“Moony!”

“I thought it was fitting. French, handsome, and no interest in women.”

“Yeah, yeah, vive la république, and all that. Pour about 150 millilitres of milk in, and start stirring.”

“With what?”

“Your sass seems strong enough for it.”

"No, but really? A spoon?"

"A whisk, preferably."

"Oh god... I don't think I've seen one of those since I've left home."

"Mcdonalds doesn't have it?"

"Sadly enough they don't do cutlery just yet."

"Does your mother know what a mouth her son has?"

"Hah, I get it from her. She'd leave my dad glaring stupidly back at her because he couldn't find anything smart enough to say back."

"Life goals. Are you stirring?"

"I'm looking for a fucking whisk. You might just have to come over with one."

"I'll have to send one of the lads, my eyes are closing."

"...wait. Are you in bed right now?"

"Yeah, I got the glue off."

"I thought you were making crêpes with me."

"I am. Spiritually."

"Oh, come on, that's no fun."

"I'll stay awake until you taste one and then my work here will be done."

"Are you going to disappear in the night?"

"Well, I'll literally be in another country tomorrow so..."

"Oh god, you will, at that. Found a whisk! I think."

"That'll do."

"You're not 100% in this. The crêpes will be subpar."

"The crêpes will be life-changing. Whisk it up."

"Whisking, whisking."

"Whiskey, whiskey."

"Mmm, that would be great. Does that go with crêpes?"

"Traditionally it's cider but I'm sure whiskey could do if you feel like adding a bit of national pride."

"You know we're not too fond of the French."

"No one's fond of the French. Poor frenchies. All they want is to share their croissants and wines."

"That’s a good case for liking them better. When do I know that it’s whisked enough?"

"When it looks whisked enough, I don't know. When it's all liquid."

"It's sorta liquid."

"Oooh, add 100 millilitres more of milk."

"Are you sure you're telling this to me right? When does the fancy stuff come in?"

"What fancy stuff?"

"I don't know, it's French."

"The fancy stuff is in the name. Whisk."

"Whisking. What's the chance of you falling asleep on me before I'm done?"

"Close to nil."

"Good. I need to know how this ends."

"With proper food in your stomach."

"No spoilers, damn it."

"Sorry, sorry. Where are we at?"

"It's liquid. Liquid-ish. Yellow in colour."

"That's the eggs."

"I figured, Padfoot. Shit, this is still weird. What's your name, for fuck's sake?"

"My name'll be even weirder."

"Really? Weirder than Padfoot?"

"Ooh, you've no idea."

"Did you ever think to change it?"

"Mm? My name?"

"Yeah, I've looked into it. It's not very complicated, actually."

"Do you have plans to change yours?"

"No, my mum almost cried when I talked to her about it."

"Ouch."

"Hah, no, I mean, not cry she was sad, cry because it was something... Ok, maybe because she was a bit sad. My dad and her met in Rome so- FUCK. Forget this. Forget it right now. Forget all about it."

"Oh. My. God."

"The mixture is all liquid. What do I do now? I'm guessing I need a pan of some sort."

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Which one are you?"

"Don't. Just don't. Pan, yes?"

"Yes, pan. Please tell me. I need to know. I'm so pumped up I actually sat up. Remus or Romulus. Moony, tell me. OH MY GOD. MOON-Y. Because of the wolf!"

"How much should I pour in? Is there an actual measure or are you going to tell me to just go for it."

"Just go for it, RemusRomulusMoony."

"It shouldn't be too thick, though, should it?"

"Ohmy- ok, no, try to just cover the surface of the pan. You'll get the hang of it. Remus. Romulus. Moonyyyyyy, come on! Tell me!"

"I'm focusing on this crêpes thing."

"You are absolute shit at keeping secrets I can't believe it. I gave you so many clues, like seriously I keep dropping them left and right and you just-"

"I hate you so much. Will it cook on both side?"

"You need to flip it, RemusRomulusMoony."

"How do I flip it? And this is not my new nickname so stop it right there. And I'm actually really good at secrets. I just - I forgot, I was talking to you and just... It's burning."

"That's ok, the first one is usually shite. RemusRomulusMoony."

"My hate is turning to wrath. I trashed the first one. Should I go again?"

"Haha, yes."

"Well at least that got you in the mood for innuendos."

"I am in the mood for everything right now. Especially knowing your name. Remus-"

"Ok, second crêpe going in the pan."

"This is making me so happy, you've no idea."

"I have some idea. A bit like I'd feel if I knew your fucking name."

"I even straight up told it to you a few times."

"Pads, I hate you. Stop it."

"Haha... my friends call me that, you know."

"Ihateyoustopit? That's quite the good nickname for you."

"Hilarious. But I meant 'Pads'."

"Padfoot is a bit of a mouthful."

"Ayy."

"Fuck, if it didn't come from one of the greatest mistake of my life I would take such advantage of that mood you're in."

"There'll be other times."

"I hope so. Ok, I'm flipping."

"What are you using?"

"A fork."

"Maybe try a spatula."

"No spatula. Oh-fuck. It's burnt again. What am I doing wrong? Are you sure you gave this recipe right?"

"Of course I did. Did you put butter in the pan?"

"You didn't say anything about butter."

"It seemed a bit obvious."

"It wasn't. Mcdonalds doesn't use butter."

"Eww, seriously. Seriously. Ohmygod. Is it Remus or Romulus? Which one was it that killed his brother?"

"Romulus. I've added butter. Third try."

"Third time's the charm."

"Is that why you picked up the third date rule?"

"Hah- no, but could be a reason."

"It doesn't smell of burning."

"Good lad."

"Mm..."

"So I'm looking it up on wikipedia-"

"Shut up."

"And apparently they were hanging, counting birds or something?"

"If wikipedia says so."

"And then the Remus lad won the bird counting and Romulus didn't like that much."

"Funnily enough I've heard the story before."

"I feel like I should take bird counting out of the brotherly activities tomorrow."

"That'd be wise. Wouldn't want Patches to have to leave Barcelona with a body bag."

"Hey! Why would I be the one in the body bag?"

"Wishful thinking. Flipping the crêpe, now."

"It'd be really fucked up for your parents to name you after a guy who killed his brother. Though he still founded Rome. Mmm-"

"You do know this didn't actually happen. One bloke didn't found Rome. Two kids weren't raised by a wolf."

"Are you going to put a disclaimer in the beginning of your books? Spoons don't actually talk and the green colour is more creative than you think."

"Haha, I'll think about it. Nice touch for the parents. I think the crêpe is done. How do I know the crêpe is done?"

"It should be a bit golden on both sides. Mostly taste-test."

"Ok - fuck, I need a plate. You didn't say anything about a plate. You're shit at this recipe thing."

"And you're a bit cranky, RemusRomulusMoony."

"Guess why. Ok: plate. Crêpe in plate. Do I just put it in my mouth?"

"... do I really need to give you instructions on how to eat food?"

"Shouldn't I add jam to it?"

"If you wanna. James likes them without nothing since there's already a bit of sugar in but Lily slathers them in chocolate."

"What's your favourite?"

"Whatever's closest to reach."

"Fancy."

"At least you've got my second name."

"Har har. Ok, it's going in my mouth."

"Mm-mm."

"I nearly choked I hate you."

"My crêpes are not trying to kill you like Romulus would."

"Aren’t I glad. Ok, they taste good. I think. I don't actually have a frame of reference."

"You've never had crêpes before?"

"Nope. I'm all about the haggis and-

"How are you still up? End that call, Pads, you'll never wake up."

"Just a sec-"

"Don't make me take your phone away!"

"I think you need to go before daddy gets mad."

"Yeah, I think that'd be wise. I'll text you."

"No, you won't! You said you were going to sleep half an hour ago!"

"See you, Moony."

"See-"

sorry james is scary when he uses the coach voice and i really have to go to sleep

yeah sure but hey padfoot

yeah?

even if this doesn’t work out like if theres no...

idk

chemistry or some shit

i hope we can still be friends

i really like talking to u

like really

hey moony

yeah

theres plenty of space in my life for you

good

i mean

god

i’m gonna let u go to sleep before i make something rhyme

hahaha good night

good night

thanks

for?

for being there

for not thinking im coming on too strong

well

ok take this as my last innuendo of the day:

you’re coming on just strong enough

good

im glad

at least we’ve got the communication part of sex down

and thats me saying good night

see you tomorrow

see you tomorrow

OH WAIT

still here i ddnt just throw my phone away

hah

yes

ok so im leaving p early tomorrow

hush hush so i thought maybe if

ok now it sounds stupid but

maybe if u ddn't switch your phone on silent it cld be like this morning?

u mean the 6am phone call that i barely remember

yes

altho its gonna be 5:30

omg

ok no worries

no i mean

sure

i won't put it on silent but i can't promise im gonna answer or be pleased to answer

hah thats fine w me

oh god 5:30

well its a 2h plane ride and we have to get to the airport soooo if we wanna spend any time at all there...

5:30.

its gonna be fun!

i take back everything i said abt wanting u in my life

Chapter 7 Chapter Text

"Remus?"

"Yeah… oh, fuck. Ooh, I fucking hate you.”

"Remus, then, mh?"

"How is that even a time to be awake.”

"Remus, Remus, Remus…"

"Shut up.”

"Morning, Remus."

"I’m going back to sleep.”

"Good night, Remus."

"I hope I dream the plane crashes.”

"Sure, Remus."

i cant go back to sleep

i cant believe u're gonna be in another country today

it doesnt bode well for us meeting does it

this was my evil plan all along now u’ve got to keep me company to the airport

and dw i should be back on english soil at 8 sharp

home by 9ish

u better

i mean theres a lot counting on that u do

dw im aware

if u fail to turn up…

lets not think abt it

please?

please…?

please can i think abt the numerous ways i will torture u if u fail to turn up

woah lets not be hasty

damn remus straight into the torture that’s lethal

i dont like this

like what?

remus.

its not my fault u lost

there was no losing!!

you lost.

i slipped up once gdi

ive slipped up a lot of times tbh

what do u mean.

ive told you my name A LOT

no you haven’t!!

have so

i hate you so so much

no you dont Remus

so fucking much

u dont hate me at all and thats why you’re gonna answer my call now

am i really.

answer the phone!

nah

moony.

ill think abt it

come on we made a deal!

no u said "im gonna call u super early in the morning"

ill delay my own flight istg

fiiiiiiiine

"You’re an arsehole, I hope you know."

”I’ve been told before but you’re an arsehole too.”

"How so?"

”This fucking trick, that wasn’t fairplay.”

"Pete’s idea, actually. Take it up to him."

”I will. Where are you right now?”

"Just dropping by Geneva before we get to Spain."

”I don’t even fucking know if you’re joking.”

"I’m joking, Moony. I’m in the car to the airport."

”I was going to ask you to bring me swiss chocolate.”

“‘S'that what you want as a souvenir?”

”Mmm, no, what’s the Spanish speciality?”

"The sun, probably."

”Bring me that.”

"I’ll do my best. Are you up now, then?"

”It’s five thirty, why do you want me to be up?”

"It’s six actually. Six thirty."

”That’s gross too. Did you miss your alarm?”

"Nope. James woke up with me and we had breakfast together. I thought you’d appreciate getting more sleep."

”Mmm… you know, I think James scares me a little.”

"He even left before I did."

”At least tell me he didn’t go running.”

"Not running, exactly."

”Oh, god, what does that mean?”

"He might be a sports coach."

”Might?”

"Maybe."

”Probably.”

"It’s very likely James went to the gym this morning to give lessons."

”It’s fucking 6 in the morning. That’s not human.”

"We’ve had him tested, definitely human."

”There’s a human test?”

"We pinched some of his DNA and sent it off to a lab."

“I’m sure his parents were relieved.”

“They were just more confused. His mum refuses to believe he came from her.”

“I reckon my mum thinks that on the rare occasions she comes over and sees how messy the flat is.”

“The Potters gives us a forty-eight hour notice to prepare.”

“Oh, yeah, my mum doesn’t just drop by unannounced. She can’t, really. ‘Oh, Remus, I’m coming by, I hope you don’t mind. It’s just that I was in the area…’ ”

“Ha ah!”

“What now?”

“You’re referring to yourself as Remus.”

“I might as well.”

“I quite like Remus. I like Moony, too.”

“Yeah, well, I hate whatever stupid name you have.”

“You’re so mean. That’s so mean. You’re such a sore loser.”

“I also hate the name Padfoot.”

“You take that back!”

“I will never.”

"I’m sure you’re quite clever despite your failure at finding out my name."

”I am quite clever, thank you very much.”

"It’s all right, Remus."

”I’ll never be able to hear my name without being mad at you.”

"That’s just sad."

”I’m sad.”

"Don’t be sad, Remus. Think about other times I would say your name."

”…you’re fucking terrible.”

"I don’t hear you say you hate me so I’m taking this as a good terrible."

”Mm… maybe. How’s Patches?”

"Haven’t seen him yet."

”Wasn’t he supposed to come get you?”

"Yeah, but he just sent a car. I think he’s coming from madness central, not the same side of London."

”Of course. Why would you meet somewhere along the way. Why not take two cars instead.”

"Moony. Private plane."

”Christ.”

"Sorry."

”How far to the airport?”

"About fifteen more minutes. What are your plans this morning?"

”Going back to sleep.”

"And McDonalds for breakfast?"

”Jealous, posh mouth?”

"As if. There’s fresh juice and croissants in the car."

”That’s not helping your reputation.”

"Eh. Patches is doing this whole ‘wake up at five thirty’ pretty well, though."

”Good job, Patches.”

“I can still hear you yawning.”

“Patches may be doing well but Moony is not.”

“You gotta wake up!”

“No kidding.”

“Get energised, Moony! Let’s – oh, ok, let’s play a game.”

“God. No.”

“We never finished twenty questions.”

“This is going to get trashy very quickly.”

“There’s an innocent, unsuspecting person driving me, Moony. Get your head out of the gutter.”

“Fine, fine. Oh, God. You go first, set the bar.”

“Ooooo-kay. Hm. Childhood fear.”

“Yikes, that’s going in deep.”

“How so?”

“The childhood part implies some kind of trauma.”

"Mm… yeah, I guess. I’m scared of birds and I can tell you it does involve trauma.”

“I have to know that. Tell me.”

“Going to avenge me? Take action against the species of bird that has done me wrong?”

“No, just that if it was chicken, I might abstain from eating any more McNuggets as thanks.”

“Wow, you’ve really perked up now, haven’t you, you fucking sadist?”

“What happened with the bird?”

“A zoo excursion that ended badly. A pelican attacked me to steal my sandwich.”

“Aw, not your caviar?”

“I’d already finished the caviar and my sparkling water.”

“When you say ‘attacked’…?”

“I mean, wingspan at maximum and flapping at my body with full force. Stop laughing, dick!”

“This is amazing.”

“What are you scared of, then? Or are you fearless?”

“Completely fearless. Nothing scares me.”

“That sounds likely.”

“Especially not horror movies.”

“Shut your mouth. Come on.”

“Fine, huh…heights.”

“Heights?”

“Yes, like, looking-over-balconies-and-everyone-is-an-ant, heights.”

“Flying?”

“Would come under heights, wouldn’t it?”

“How did you get over to England, then?”

“Train.”

“Theme park rides?”

“Definitely fucking not.”

“Any reason why you’re scared of heights? Childhood trauma?”

“I don’t really know why, to be honest. But that episode of The Simpsons where Homer falls down the canyon really terrified me.”

“That’s slapstick humour, Remus! You’re meant to laugh!”

“I most certainly did not laugh. Mum had to make me a hot chocolate to calm me down.”

“Wow. Next you’ll tell me this happened last year.”

“The episode was on the TV last week and I had to awkwardly ask Alice to turn it off.”

“What an adventurous conversation I’m sure that was.”

“I elected to tell her that The Simpsons irks me in general.”

“You could have had a great bonding moment with Alice!”

“Oh yeah, because I’m having so much fun having one with you!”

“It’s your turn to ask a question.”

“Mmm, give me a second.”

“What? Why… What are you doing?”

“Nothing, nothing, just hang on…”

“What am I hearing? Are those –”

“Ok, what do you look for in a guy?”

“I did - I fucking heard computer keys, didn’t I?”

“Did you? Answer the question.”

“You fucking googled.”

“I might have sought inspiration. And it’s Yahoo Answers, to be precise.”

“Next question.”

“Ok. What’s your perfect date?”

“Remus, you’re not taking this… seriously.”

“I am, I really am. How about… ooh, ‘what makes you attracted to me’?”

“Is this punishment for something?”

“Being scared of heights is completely rational, thank you very much.”

“Sure, sure, absolutely rational. Now stop with the sleazy twenty questions.”

“Traditionally, this is how it’s played.”

“Considering we both haven’t been thirteen for many years, it might be out-dated.”

“You’re right, my questions aren’t adult enough. How far have you gone with a bloke?”

“Moony!”

“Not far, huh?”

“I’m terminating this game. Oh, I’ve arrived, too. Good timing.”

“Yeah, excellent timing. None of my questions get answered but that’s fine.”

“You definitely are a sore loser.”

“No, you just cheat every time.”

"No, I don’t. All right, just give me a second, I might have to call Patches…"

”Isn’t there someone with a sign to lead Mister Black to his VIP lounge?”

"Oh - actually. Good point."

”...there really is someone waiting for you?”

"Yep. I’ll call you back in a sec, I might have to say my full name. Wouldn’t want you to hear that."

”Fuck you.”

"I’m in the private lounge all on my own because apparently I’m the only one who knows how to be on time. But I have tea."

”Me too.”

"I don’t think you’re drinking out of a porcelain cup."

”You’d be surprised.”

“With actual gold embellishments?”

“Did this suddenly become a cup competition? Because no, mine’s got Eeyore asking all of us if this is really the good morning we deserve. So really, who’s the real winner?”

“And my spoon is pure silver.”

“You’re saying this stuff just to mess with me, right?”

“Partly. Mostly because it’s true and I know it annoys you.”

“I wouldn’t say annoy. Astound, maybe.”

“Do you want me to describe what my lounge chair is made of?”

“Absolutely not. I get the impression it was probably living once upon a time.”

“But the question is, what climate was it living in?”

“Fuck, no, I’m not playing that game.”

“Somewhere cold, I can tell you.”

“I’m going to call animal protection to sue you.”

"Oh, shit."

”Huh? What’s going on?”

"I’ll call you back- I mean, I’ll text you. I- see you."

is everything all right?

sorry abt that

yeah everythings ok

my brother is a f liar

"im going with friends but really i would love for you to be there we haven’t taken a holiday together in ages"

and so on and so forth for a whole brunch

do you know how much food there is at brunch?

2h worth.

well apparently the parents have influenced him more than i thought

there are no friends of his hanging about the lounge no heir to whatevers fortune no one i could ask to keep an eye on my brother

INSTEAD

yes

instead my cousins are here

this is apparently a family trip.

or as im going to call it: get me out of here asap

oh shit really?

what can i do?

i dont have a car but alice does i can wake her up

im just waiting for james to finish working and he’ll call me back

dont worry abt it

i just needed to vent and everyones fucking asleep since the sun isnt even fcking up

this is such a fucking joke i should have known

is your relationship with the cousins really that bad?

HAHA

err

i don’t know how to name her rn but youngest cousin just got here and as soon as she understood the situation she turned on patches

shes GONNA KILL HIM

should you perhaps save him?

nah

he deserves it

update: she poured champagne on him

champagne. i hate your family.

oooh now she’s chasing him w/the bucket of ice

i feel bad for patches

oh come on now

he just wants everyone to be friends

we will once we finish drowning him

its been a while since we’ve all been together

good to see the teamwork is still strong

common goals of murder will do that

ok we’re settling down now

just giving patches angry glares

that’s tame

nows the time to roast each other

i thought u were all gonna be friends??

sure sure once we’re done telling each other how much everyone else fucked up

this is so surreal

the last time i saw my family we had to draw out a diagram to find out how we were actually related to each other

turned out a supposed cousin wasnt a part of our family at all

we just called her a cousin to make it easier and everyone kinda forgot

how does an entire family collectively forget that one of them isn’t really related??

we only met like once a year

lucky you

im gonna live kik this entire convo

i think u’ll appreciate the drama

if u mean become confused over your family life then sure

background info:

B is the eldest sister the one w/the drugs thing

actually so far i havent seen her pop anything in her mouth

tho shes opening a new bottle of champagne under patches wary eye

and the unhappy looks of the two janitors

anyways

N is middle child and just got married

im gonna fuck up their name i can already tell

this is gonna be how u figure out mine

heres hoping

and A left the family to marry some poor guy

‘some poor guy’

that’s what he was reduced to when mother broke the news to us all

i feel like i shldnt tell u my yearly income

generally as a rule u shldnt tell anyone that

says the guy who talks abt all his castles

will u ever get over the castles?

tell me the goss over there

actually

shit

shit got loud and patches left

gotta go

this might be ur escape route good luck

i wish

patches doesnt like yelling so now we’re in a shop and hes all misty eyed

and i’m trying to look posh in h&m jeans

god

why am i even asking

ugh

what shop are u in padfoot.

…

burberry.

i thought it was only for trenchcoats

nah theyve got a daily clothes line too

patches is soaking wet everyones looking at him like hes gonna steal somthing

he’s so pissed

any minutes now hes gonna wave his id at them

is ur family famous??

famously rich

if u work in that kind of shop u get a list of ppl u have to be extra nice to

we’re battling first place with the royal family

jesus

r u saying all his names bc u cant say mine

dont come back to british soil ur a dead man

its ok remus

ooooh i found a nice jacket

packing ur burial clothes?

harsh

(selfie pic)

what dyou think

how much is it

eh idc its gonna go on patches card

so it better be expensive

the prices first number isnt 1 and theres two other numbers after it

i guess i dont wanna know

(selfie pic)

i dont usually wear brown so immmm

but ive been rlly wanting a new leather jacket

oh wait patches is gonna take a proper pic

(pic)

christ

he got a bit trigger happy

i like ur jeans

just my jeans?

well i like whats in ur jeans too

thats not what i meant

sorry i got distracted what did u mean

distracted?

these r very good jeans

did u even notice the jacket

mm and i thought ‘why is he wearing a jacket when hes being blasted into the sun’

and then ‘he should really take the jacket off’

so u should really take the jacket off

im not asking u for ur opinion ever again

i thought it was constructive

well it wasn’t i bought the jacket anyway

u mean patches bought the jacket

same thing.

hes all fidgety he knows murder is on the cards for today

"what r u doing stop texting we have to go"

youll be late for your private plane

oh no

the horror

we have a schedule to keep remus

unless u want me turning up late? or not at all?

im kinda hoping for not at all i'll just hang out w ur friends without u

why do that when i could be there instead

bc you’re annoying and going to be late anyway bc u wont stop texting me

fine fine i get the hint

i'll ttyl

yeah yeah richie rich

omg

whats happening now

this is five minutes after we took off

imagine

being on a plane gaining more and more altitude

plane meaning closed space with very few and very dangerous escapes

AND THIS IS WHEN U DROP THAT UR MOVING TO NYC

whos moving to nyc

patches

he just cant keep his clothes dry for more than an hour

poor patches

fuck patches

he always insists i come to help him settle when he moves to new places

holidays to nyc are rlly bugging u that much

boarding school paris berlin melbourne nyc whatever idc

idc that he moves every fucking year

problem is that it means i have to see my parents for the same amount of time i have to help him settle

bad patches

v v bad

hes sleeping outside tonight

we shouldnt have stopped those training lessons

hes honestly like a puppy cant stay in the same place for too long

but hes cute in the endearingly younger brother way?

only sometimes

today he is just a haha

a bitch

wow that was so clever

ty ty

we’re trying to “put our differences aside”

aka patches has read one too many self help book

is it working

A is telling us where theyre living

lets just say snorting was not a good way to respond to it

whos killing who now

N and A

just

tackling everything since they were in nappies

"and that time u messed up my drawing"

well at least so far ur not the one whos gonna end up in a body bag

oooh my turn will come

i know them

ouch sorry

its all right

ive got ammunitions

more champagne?

now that u mention it

im gonna get some w B

always good to have her on one’s side

sharing champagne wasnt enough

whats happening

someone may have said the word marriage

and someone else may have answered w/ “pads wouldnt know what commitment is”

ohmygod

wasnt ur cousin happy that u didnt get married?????

did she want to get married to you???????????

i think she wouldnt have minded the bank account

but no shes not mad abt it just throwing shade

shes mad abt me leaving madness central before her if anything

did ur parents chain u to ur beds or something

they wouldnt want to damage the hundred years old bedframes

no theyre just

a lot. all the time.

overbearing is the word we dont use

what word do you use?

there are a few faves

autocratic is mine

that’s… heavy

theres also oppressive

B likes that one

these are just synonyms for overbearing

but they do pack more punch dont they?

if this were a playground it would be ‘bullying’

patches uses that one bc apparently hes 5

i dont know if ive said this before but i’m v glad you’re not living there anymore

same moony same

i guess full disclosure wld be to say that theyre not

theyre not bad all the time

they just like to be in control

yes but. its your life.

i thought the gay factor was the problem?

oh well actually no that wasnt the problem

the problem was that i wouldnt stick it up a girl and continue the family line

i am fucking speechless

yeah

theyre

a lot.

i see that

anyways seeing them only when patches moves makes them easier to deal with

yeah

r they like

maybe cool isnt the word

but like

cool-ish. when youre here.

weeeeell

lets just say theres a truth in the saying never to bring up religion and politics at the dinner table

but i like living dangerously

ur recklessness is going to get you killed

its going to be like a game of cluedo

Mr Black was killed in the Drawing Room by Mrs Peacock with a 17th century violin hand engraved by Jesus Himself

the drawing room?? laaaame

cant i die in like

the ballroom

it was my fav room growing up

this is a joke right nothing but a joke

sure if u want

i mean not all of our castles have a ballroom soo i guess

i change my mind ur dying in the bathroom

naked

on the toilet

eating a sandwich

like elvis

thats legendary

maybe it cld be mcdonalds

maybe just before i die i can eat mcdonalds so who cares if i get food poisoning again

mcdonalds is a sore subject isnt it

its just not fair.

we basically own the fucking brand

………

this is a joke too yeah

this is a joke.

haha i am laughing so much hahahahaha

soz moony

oh my god

every time i think i know how much money youve got it just

it just gets worse

jsyk when we were talking abt the working class corner??

i was a working class kid.

i am a working class adult tbh

im probably gonna die working class

moony ohmygod

chillax

we’ll probs have to go grocery shopping with a calculator bc i get a bit

argh

FUCK ENGLISH

????

shit

i ddnt want to tell u

but ok

my cousins and i.

i mean.

my family.

my family may speak french to each other.

is this for real

IS THIS FOR REAL

…maybe.

oh my god

r u talking french right now

…

R U GONNA COME BACK WITH AN ACCENT

no.

I BET YOU ARE

moony i learnt english as a kid in london my accent isnt french oh my god

i bet u have the stupidest french accent

u’ll never be sweet talked in french

just insulted

bc u are a froggie

u are a froggie

u arrreeee a frogggiiieee

r u singing

can u sing in french?

i rlly regret telling u

how do i wipe ur memory

nope cant sorry this info is stuck with me forever

not sorry actually

YOU ARE A FROGGIEEEEE

can u sing in gaelic?

oh please that was weak

i don’t speak gaelic

hardly anyone in scotland does.

but u, on the other hand, v much speak le french

ALSO ENGLISH

very well might i add

rlly bc i recall a time

v recently in fact

where u exclaimed and i quote

FUCK ENGLISH

fck u.

aw pads im making fun

i know i know im kidding too

i actually can sing in gaelic

couple songs we learn at wee bairn camp

cant fucking write it to save my life tho

will i ever hear a song

will i ever hear a french song

…

jsyk this is me sighing deeply

but google “tous les mêmes” by stromae

u’ll like the videoclip if anything

i dont understand a single thing this guy sings

but give me a bit of lube and some quality time with the boyfriend and ill fix their straight boy problem

ohmygod is that the only thing ur getting from this

hah

wait i found the subtitles im gonna go back to the start

i kind of feel like i shld maybe have chosen the song more carefully

i mean i like it but

is that gonna be ur lasting impression of french music

i like it too

so basically u chose a song that went “boys are fucking awful” to send to me

is this a subliminal message

hahahahaha

patches was in paris this year and he came back with loads of new slang to share

and this

so no no subliminal messages

altho boys are fucking awful lets be honest

my last boyfriend broke up bc we “spent too much time together”

after we had spent a FORTNIGHT apart

ouch what the hell

i think it was his way of saying i was a bit

hah

a bit overbearing

i guess the apple the tree and all

mmmm i guess ill see this for myself

but just so we’re clear

i like texting as we do

i might have been a bit sad that u wldnt be available to talk today

but look at us

talking as if u werent on a fcking plane to the other side of europe

lucky im rich and the plane has wifi

god bless the capitalist society

ok i have to “be part of the group” or whatever it means to be passive aggressive to each other

ttyl

ttyl

good luck.

thanks

i’ll miss u

me too

maybe

i still dont know ur name so probably not

nice try Remus

oooh everythings in spanish

weird

and they have the sun!!!!

are they the ones who hog it all winter

probably holy fuck its hot

i hate u but i also want to be with you

awww

nope the feelings gone i still just hate u

patches is all sulky and sticky so we’re taking him to a hotel so he can shower

patches birthday getaway isnt starting too good

me and B r gonna get him some clothes at the chanel store down the street

all right nvmd ill keep my sympathy at bay

haha i texted james abt it too and hes like “dont get used to it”

i could get used to it if u want to steal their credit cards

ill think abt it

or at least buy me a souvenir

its on my to do list

good good

the day is starting properly now!

what are the plans

and how r u still txting me??? shit think abt ur phone plan

THINK ABT MY PHONE PLAN

moony

CHILLAX.

kik uses wifi

true

wait

how do u have wifi

NO DONT ANSWER

aww

u dont wanna know

abt the private car we ddnt take

oh?

bc the girls wanted to drive a convertible

pls tell me u ddnt buy a car

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME U DIDNT BUY A CAR

remuuuuuus

i didnt buy a car

did someone else buy a car

maybe

.....

hah

we just rented it moony its ok

im gonna go back to bed talk to me when the money spending stops

well some museum thing is first on the list soo

ur a medium right?

??? are we

are we talkng about tshirts im confused

is there a rich people measurements im not aware of

tshirts, moony.

god

yes medium

why??

hah i cld guess from ur hips

years at the tailor r not down the drain mummy wld be proud

just in case i find a souvenir

…

ignoring the tailor comment

kinda turned on at the hips one

u dont have to buy me a souvenir?? i was kidding omg

chillax moony

im gonna chillax by napping

ttyl!

ttyl rich boy

so i know you’re napping but i’m just gonna keep u updated

altho theres nothing to update just yet

everyone is basking in the sun and putting sunscreen on and generally being nice to each other

but hey that wont last i’ll keep u posted

apparently my second cousin filled her principal’s car with frogs last week

no reason why, just did it

i love her

i think i shld clarify

my second cousin is A’s daughter

she’s eight

i’m so proud.

so so proud

i have conferred with the others

we have indeed lost count what drink number B is up to

send help

patches refuses to answer qs about his love life

hes about to get JUMPED

haha what a nerd he keeps blushing whenever we mention it

UPDATE APPARENTLY WE’RE NOT ALLOWED TO MENTION IT WHEN WE ARE MOVING HIS STUFF?

AS IN: THE PARENTS ARENT AWARE

i am 99% sure this idiot is moving to nyc for someone

i’ll tell him ur horror story of how u got stuck in england

he still wont budge.

spoilsport.

lunch timmmeee

moonys waking up time

remus waking up time

and here i was almost happy to talk to you

remus remus remus

we’re getting tapas and more sangria and the suns shinning and no one has raised their voice in the last half hour

this is actually really nice

i like spain

we’re going to the beach next

how much sangria has there been already

two jugs and counting

christ

so N is married to whatshisname and all of us think hes a tool

weve ganged up on her

shes rethinking her whole marriage

having 4 people argue against it might do that to someone

Ns like “he has a lot of weight in the government”

B: “thats until *he* puts on a lot of weight”

"he has a personal trainer!"

"do *you*"

alice has siblings it sounds a bit like that

OMG

cissys pregnant

Ns pregnant

first q was A: “whos the dad”

this is gold

patches and i are fighting over whos gonna be godfather

patches used sangria

it’s super effective!

guess she shldnt leave her husband then

bummer for her

theres always child support

i mentioned it to her i think she nearly flew ovr the table to kill me

don’t tell her it was my idea then

theyre bugging me abt who im texting tbh

‘just some guy who keeps sending me dick pics’

i told them ur james

theyll b kinder that way

kinder?

imagine if i told them im mssging a massive queer boy right after i told them that their life choices suck

massive queer boy. i like that title

i feel like u missed the point

i got the point

do they know ur also a massive queer boy?

they do now

shit

sorry

are u ok???

B took my phone and they saw ur last message

shit fuck im sorry

its ok

B is in hysterics bc i havent told her even tho i walked in on her w a girl once

oopsies

surely that was an indiction it would be ok

yeah but i dont think its really the time to go “hey!!!! im queer too!” when shes got her head between a girl’s legs

wow that must have been something

omg how old were u

i shld investigate if this ddnt do the trick for me being gay

around 10 i guess

everything in ur life happened at 10

apparently 18 was life changing for B too

wish i could kill B tho

please dont kill ur cousin

i even managed to lock the phone before she took it im so mad

dont u have a passcode or somethng

…we all have the same passcode actually

…

its a family thing ok

regs birthday

who’s reg?

oh regs the puppy we got when i was two

misbehaved a lot but we loved him

oh thats sweet

i personally tried to return him but mum got attached idk

what breed is he?

fucking mutt

patches is practically shining a light in my eyes like they do in the movies when interrogating ppl

demanding to know who u are

beyonce obviously

iFUCKED UP

is that a new apple product?

i let it slip that i hadnt met u yet

goddd bad idea here we go

how many hours until we do meet? come on save yourself a little

nope apparently thats not good enough “considering how much ur messaging him oh my god ur messaging him right now arent you”

im getting the stranger danger lecture from A of all people

she met her poor husband while he was busking on the fucking streets

….better than our meeting tbh

dont talk down ur dick pic like it was a bad thing

im glad it still has such a strong effect

the magic isnt gone yet

ok apparently, according to N, she “knew all along”

that im a massive gay boy

gotta be gay to have a gaydar

maybe thats why the marriage wldnt work out

OMG ill keep that angle for later thks

OH MY GOD

OOOHHH GOD

PATCHES SJKSJK

WE’RE ALL FUCKING MASSIVE QUEERS

context padfoot!!

ok o k o ko ko kk

apparently the special someone he’s moving to new york for IS A BLOKE

so u know how straight people like to joke that being queer in contagious or whatever?? now im starting to wonder if theyre onto something

is EVERYONE you know QUEER?

seems like it holy shit

his cheeks are so red aw little puppy dog

fuck N: “i knew that one all along too”

calling bullshit N

christ this just became a board meeting for a LGBT+ organisation

has patches met the guy he’s moving for

yeah unfortunately his story is still better than ours in terms of standards

according to the cousins

that’s rude. theres no standards in nudes

u took it in the bathroom with the heating lights on

thats low standards tbh

oh sorry next time i’ll get some professional lighting and flash photography

and a nice backdrop i could see ur toilet

im a little offended you even noticed anything in the background

well…

my first reaction was “oh a penis i should respect their privacy” and i averted my gaze

wow

such a gentleman

such chivalry

u really r perfect

it seems they have moved on from me to patches

he shouldnt have opened his mouth the silly boy

i was being annihilated but now theyve turned their ammo onto him

“YOURE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW YOURE IN LOVE U DONT LOVE HIM WHY ARE YOU MOVING TO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CITY FOR HIM”

bless

hopefully for him his S.O. wont make him meet the new S.O. on the fcking train platform

is that what happened???

ah well it wasnt true at the time

but it became so under 48h

omg please expand

theyre still doing the whole “who are his parents, what does he want to do with his life”

christ thats something to look forward to

huuhh well we had planned the threesome the night i got there as a

"welcome to london" kind thing

oh my fucking god u came to london for a threesome u are such a fcking trash boy i cant even believe it

it was a good threesome im not abt to regret that

trash boy

why arent u asking qs anyway

theyve got the ground covered believe me

what else can i ask we basically have the guy’s lifestory already

the girls found his facebook in less than thirty secs of knowing his name

good god

maybe ask if hes sure abt him

he just gave me the stink eye

i wanted to say “r u sure abt his feelings” and it came out like “r u sure hes gay”

u probably could have phrased it better?

switching b/t english and french is fuckng hard

and my baby brother

my darling angel little brother

who ive never even seen hold hands w/ anyone

just told me

“if he wasnt gay he is now that ive sucked his cock”

the rest of my innocence just shrivelled up and died

they always grow up so fast

oh god

the parents are gonna freak out so bad

two gay sons in the christian household

HAHA i just told patches “now neither of us are gonna inherit the family money”

and he said he’ll split it even if i keep my mouth shut

ask him if he can keep his mouth shut w nyc boyfriend

MOONY EW

oops sorry

peters asking what time ull get there

idk? u said ud be there at 9 so 9ish i guess?

we thought u were helping out beforehand but its ok dw abt it

omg

of course

i told u i was free

with the whole spain thing i forgot

what time does peter want me?

i dnt like that sentence

i dnt like not knowing ur name

he says anytime from now on is cool bc hes baking and no ones here to talk

poor baby

i told him to talk to the cats but he thinks theyre not a good audience when u dont have free hands to cuddle them

hah

ok tell him i can be there in abt an hour

he says he'll be waiting

im going to exchange u guys numbers if thats cool

yeah sure im gonna take a shower

thats a good idea

i might get mcdonalds on the way there

i have sangria and the sun u cant touch me

i mean u dont make friends w/mean ppl do u

u cant possibly

you’re a good person. you’re cool.

ur friends have got to be cool too.

right

remus mate wtf

what r u freaking out abt?

…..your friends will like me yeah?

oh for fucks

yes remus they will like you

promise

i promise they will like you

and if they don’t?

i will personally handle it

thats

holy shit padfoot that sounded so mafia

HA yeah i guess it did

"leave it to me kid. don’t u worry ur pretty lil head over it"

i wont settle for anything less than a horse head in a bed

ill keep it in mind

okok. ok im going im doing this

go go moony. they’ll like you. i like you. so they have to like u

or u’ll put a horse head in their beds?

exactly.

thanks padfoot.

np.

good luck

im here. im at the humble abode

"humble"

there were two security codes to get in and im surprised a butler didn’t open the front door for me what with the fcking hallway being bigger than my entire house

but i am here

welcome welcome

wipe ur feet at the front door pls

im gonna find ur room and wipe my feet all ovr ur bed sheets

why would u do that

spite

get out of my home

too late im here already

door’s open

well i guess ure not rlly scared of burglars when u have ur own fucking floor

i called “anyone’s home”

and peter said “in the kitchen, scot”

please tell me uve told them my name i dont like going thru the whole “yes its rlly remus” ordeal

i have i have

chillax

peter is leading me thru the fucking big living room to him

just by using his voice

he sounds nice

bit preoccupied with his pudding

nice guitars

peters

ask him to play wonderwall

HE FUCKING PUSHED ME

THIS DUDE THAT I DO NOT KNOW THREW ME ON THE FUCKING FLOOR

HAHAHA

hes all “im sorry prongs and padfoot dont fall when i push them”

"I AM NEITHER OF THESE PEOPLE"

hes actually playing wonderwall now

thats the most prestigious honour

i don’t even like this fucking song

it’s a classic u have to like it

oh great now he’s playing time of your life by green day

so original

apparently he can play beyonce on the guitar??

like single ladies

yeah hes good

oh my god

peter has decided to teach me the single ladies dance

how shld i take this

OMG HES TEACHING U SINGLE LADIES

OMG

WHAT DID U DO

aaaah i knew it was a bad sign

NOO NO NO NO

OMG

HE DIDNT TEACH US!!!

HES ALWAYS REFUSED TO TEACH US!!!

JAMES AND I HAD TO LEARN OURSELVES WTF

u are being taught by the master appreciate it!!!

omg i cant believe it

what did u do what did u say???

i dont fucking know

but

i might have….reluctantly said yes to being taught

GOOD IDEA MOONY

this is going to be so awkward oh no oh no

it’ll be fine!!! it’ll be fun!!

i dont have legs anymore.

i danced them away

a beautiful way for them to go

good dancing lesson then?

disappointed by the lack of leg warmers or leotards but i guess it was ok

he was v patient

we had to cover up what we were doing when the others came in

oh whos arrived

james and lily so far

is alice w/you?

nah she had work she’s coming over later

cool cool so do my friends like you?

james has a v strong handshake

yeah careful there he might break something

im on veggies cutting duty with him

have fun

dont mention ur nuggets addiction

thanks for the tip

having fun over there?

yep we’re at the beach now

getting my tan on

it started raining like five minutes ago here

its been sunny all day

ok im done talking to you

its all right im gonna take a little sun nap i think

i hope u get sunburnt

im gonna get deliciously golden ur gonna be so jelly

does he ever stop smiling?

james? nah not rlly

do u want him to??

i don’t. but. surely it hurts

who knows who knows

he showed me water aerobics without the water part

it was

i dont even know how to explain.

but he is

enthusiastic.

to say the least

did he talk abt beatrice?

and arnold and peggy and some weird guy named albus

AAAH ALBUS IS MY FAVOURITE

he seems a bit eccentric

if u ever meet him moony

wow

he’s incredible.

first time i met him he decided to do some “magic” and pulled a jelly bean from my ear

it even tasted like ear wax

uhhhhhhhh padfoot

mm?

i mentioned the story to james

yeah

it was ear wax.

judging by james’ red face and holding-of-ribs i wld tend to say “yes”

fuck off this cant be real

isn’t the first rule of the universe to not accept candy from strange old men?

there wasn’t a white van!!

they come in variables!

i don’t wanna think abt this anymore

i like ur friends. i like them a lot.

but i also hate them.

none of them call u by your name

this isnt normal u know

its fucking farfetched is what it is

its ok Remus its ok

i hate u

i may be killing lily

i hope u came in a car bc james runs p fast

im trying to calm her down but nothing works

im gonna need more context

i dont even fcking know i just

ok i was trying to have them tell me ur name

or at least clues

ANYTHING

yes

and i mentioned that there was a lot of star stuff

ok my exact words were “i’m guessing all the sports paraphernalia is james’ doing but what’s the deal with the stars?”

i later added “did someone want to form a boy band”

but she was already a goner

…

i dont know what to say

tell me how to make her stop laughing im scared shes never gonna breathe again

is it paraphernalia???? is there a weird joke around paraphernalia??? is lily french too??

moony oh my god

i dont know if u shld be friends with us anymore ur never gonna live this down

WHAT DID I DO

just ask lily how her anatomy professor’s doin’

FUCK YOU BLACK

WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE STARS REMIND ME AGAIN

that was lily

i could guess

shes calling james in

im so sorry remus

so very sorry

i didnt ask for any of this

i just wanted to meet up with a fun cute boy

why me

ohhh this cld be ur way out

look sad

and ask lily if u did something wrong

wow that was. that was really effective.

i know omg she even texted me that she was sorry u must do the sad look REALLY well

apparently

she made me tea and apologized

james and peter want to know but shes not giving anything

yeah thats lily evans for you

ur secret is safe forever and ever

i dont even know what ive done

there IS a lot of star stuff in this house

and peter has a couple of guitars

maybe we are a boy band and u just have never heard of us

and that wld explain the flat and the private plane etc

nah james is singing along whatever is on and im sorry to say even his pretty smile wouldnt cover this up

HAH true

ive been telling him for years

i bet the choir boy sings well tho

i do i do

whyd you stop actually? just the jesus stuff or?

huuh i ddnt mind the jesus bits as much as it was making hanging w james 24/7 difficult

so when my balls dropped i was like “oh no i cannot possibly subject anyone to this”

my cousins backed me up with some “besides he cld use doing more sports maybe it wld make him less difficult”

so ur mother is still regretting it to this day huh

p much

the sea is calling my name

right

james is telling me off for texting instead of cutting more carrots

there are so many carrots

i dont think i’ve ever seen so many carrots in my entire life

oh, moony

tell him to make u a green smoothie if ur hungry

ew no

u’ll love it

its actually rlly good promise

going swimming now

in may

i love everything

good god go and get taken away by a mermaid or something

so after cutting veggies for hours on end

james did make a green smoothie

and i tasted it

and it does taste good

and i told james so

but now hes making lists and lists of recipes for me

how

how do i stop this

how do i tell him this is gonna be the last time in years that i see veggies

but

no?

its not?

oh believe me it is

we talked abt this padfoot

its not bc u cant eat mcdonalds that i cant

yeah but

if we date

as in.

on a long period of time.

u might hang with my friends a lot.

so...

veggies are gonna be on the program for ur future.

oh god

did i sign up for that

technically not yet

u cld leave now and we wouldnt even know if we got along face to face

yeah right

as if i’d leave not knowing ur fucking name

thats the only thing keeping u huh

that and that souvenir u promised

trash boy.

r u lovin’ it

im gonna hang w my cousins theyre better ppl than u

and apparently u cld bang them too

gross

ur so gross

we’re going back to more artsy things now

goodbye

go get educated

apparently its work out time number two

ok no tell me whats going on first or im gonna imagine james got u to do pushups

hah

as if i cld do one to begin with

we’re moving stuff around

oh thats boring

bye bye

see u pretty boy

come back more of ur friends are here

nothing i can do abt that

theres two redheads and i cant tell them apart i need tips

huh

tbh i just call them both ginger

thats not rlly nice

its ok they dont have souls anyway

phone is dying im gonna let it charge as i go “get more veggies”

i swear this party is gonna be more vegan than fun

why not both

dont tell that to james btw

hes vegan

as if i hadnt guessed

ah yes

i forgot u were so clever at guessing

im not even sorry bye bye phone

god

remember how theres this party tonight at mine

shit

not mine where u are

i mean my parents are hosting this party for patches birthday

and everyone is going all soft and cuddly on me

"u shld come!!! it’s not gonna be fun without u!!"

its like.

we havent spoken to each other in actual years.

and suddenly we’re all so chummy w each other

like calm down remember how i ran away in the middle of the fucking night and none of u tried to contact me

i hate that they do this

just randomly forget that even tho we can get along great the whole family is fucked up beyond repair

"u’ll come for brunch of course"

"we’ll see u at this and this party"

"u better come to ur second cousins confirmation"

fuck everything

sorry i know u cant read this

its just

james and peter told me to come home instead of going for the whole day

they knew this was going to happen.

but noooo

i always have to hit the wall instead of trusting people that its there.

oh god love

its ok

its ok to want your family to be better than they actually are

its ok if you want to see them sometimes

it doesn’t have to be all the time it doesnt have to mean youre gonna see your parents every week

you could see them in small doses. on your own terms.

and maybe not in a trip outside the country so its easier to get away from them and come home

and maybe not in a “its my birthday” guilt trip

maybe

idk

they calmed down after i kind of

huh

raised my voice.

a bit.

patches is not happy w/ me

well

did u tell them how u were feeling at least

yeah

and B definitely has a drinking problem

huh

i just

its fucked up

but i still love them

even my parents

and god fucking knows i had my fights with them

its ok Pads

i think its pretty difficult to stop loving the people you grew up with

it shouldnt be.

yeah

maybe

but hey!

at least the friends u made outside ur family are really really great

hah

yeah

got lucky w james

everything good in my life is james related

even fucking up ur nickname

bless james

tho the day james flips we’re gonna have a serious serial killer on our hands

this guy has skills w/ a knife and hes got muscles

stop looking at james muscles

hah

he told me u had more defined abs than him

i dont even know how that came up

talking abt piercings

oh god

and tattoos?

no we kind of got sidetracked by religion there

damn it moony what did i tell u abt religion and politics

that it was good to live dangerously?

hah

good boy

more people are coming in

more people i wont remember the names of

its ok just hang w/ james and pete

i think peter might think im coming onto him w/ how much hanging w/ him ive done

peter knows ur taken its fine

ohmygod

thats adorable

shut up

ur adorable

and ur friends are great

if i fuck this up im gonna be so very sad

dont give urself all the credit im good at fucking up too

ok lets talk nice things

like the fact that u have a scot friend who just came up to me to tell me u were a bonnie laddie

oh thats probably bertha

well whoever they are i feel like theyre challenging my scottishness

oh god did she bring her bagpipe

not that i can see

but shes wearing a kilt

kilts are traditionally worn by males

but shes got pretty legs ill give her that

stop looking moony

sorry im not like looking flirting just looking noticing

haha god i wasnt

im not the jealous type just so we’re clear

i was just bantering

oh ok good

im not either

tho?? i wld like to say for the record that all of ur friends are pretty and im starting to feel uncomfortable

??? what why

idk who sets the pretty standards

do i meet the pretty standards

im not wearing heels or make up

dang moony no sorry uve got to get out

i knew it

jsyk lilys first text abt u was

"he’s beautiful"

ohmygod she did not

i trust lilys judgement

was this after the paraphernalia debacle bc then shes biased

nah shes much faster than that

well i mean

be vain moony be vain

vanity is a good thing

oh god

im ok. i go thru life knowing i can flirt w/ ppl and theyre not repulsed by my appearance

but

"beautiful" is a stretch

its ok beautiful

oh god

lily tells me ur smiling at ur phone like a lovesick puppy

tell lily to mind her own damn business

she says shes gonna hold ur hand to face the scary new pple

tell lily i love her and need her in my life

have fun beautiful

christ

your friends are so fucking great

also so fucking queer

like

i go out of my way to not hang with straight boys but this is another level

queers, like penguins, huddle together

i now have proof of that

tbh james is our screener he has a two strikes rule

first strike is things are explained to you nicely with his understanding coach voice

second strike you are persona non grata forever

most straight people don’t even make it at the home-parties level

i like james

everyone likes james

james is straight tho right?

james is taken moony

don’t go there be a good boy

omg no no

i meant

is he the straight boy exception

the educated straight boy

he’s defs not straight

made that clear

as did his wife

it’s how they bonded in the first place actually

"everyone is so pretty" "omg yes"

aw what a modern love story

i think im in love w/ their love

and with james

a little bit

sorry

thats all right the fanclub meets every second thursday of the month

where do i sign up

ask his wife

i will

lily said “ask his boyfriend”

classic lily

im assuming you are the boyfriend

now dont be jealous

im not tbh

i just want one james in my life

the fanclub includes rotating schedules for hanging w him dw

nice

wait will i have to exercise w/ him

well he does like his sporting activities

surely he eats sometimes

i’ll eat w/ him

arrange it with the secretary

lily doesn’t seem like the kind of person who wld appreciate being called a secretary

i’m talking abt peter

that makes more sense

oh my god

so u know how i have roommates

yep

alice and marlene

yeah i remember

marlene just walked in like she owns the fucking place

you know marls!!

apparently you know her better

them*

shit

how can i know someone for almost 3 years without knowing the right pronouns to use??

im such a dick

moony

they told me abt u

they told me u were STRAIGHT

i am most definitely not take that back

"my roommates don’t know bc they’re too straight"

ugh

see

curse of the bisexuals

last people i went out with were girls

you’re excused

i shld just have it printed on a shirt

u should

i’ve just walked up to them

they squealed

in my face

then hugged me but still SQUEALED

super excited to see u obvs

then smacked me over the head

uh oh

“u never told me u were queer!!”

i was a glee fan when i moved in!!!

i thought THREE YEARS OF being made fun of EVERY WEEK and STILL WATCHING THE DAMN THING would have been a FUCKING HINT

not gay enough remus. go harder.

the rocky horror picture show?? i even went to a screening with them!!

better better

but were u dressed appropriately

fuck

what if I just took home one of these amazing pictures

wat r u talking abt?

james and lily’s wedding photo. nice waistcoat

like. really nice waistcoat

u wear suits well

oh my god

contain the gay remus

THEY ALMOST SAID UR NAME IM SO PISSED

"s-i mean pads" what the fuck is going on why is everyone against me i hate this fucking planet

shhh its ok

its not ok why is this happening

mmm i may have said somethng abt wanting to be there when u hear my name for the first time

u cld say they take my wishes v… seriously.

perfect i'll just go on hating u

forget standing awkwardly blushing and not looking at each other i’m punching u first thing first

i might deserve it but pls dont

think of my pretty face

think of my sanity

im spiralling

there are choir photos and one where you’re dressed as sonic the hedgehog

why??

don’t ask

maybe

please

im gonna ask

MOONY

i asked

fuck

apparently u suck at beer pong

yep

also at running

look. i could not go fast.

theres a video

pls tell me theyre not showing u

hang on

REMUS

shh im watching

im going to fucking kill peter i know its him

we’re on our way to the airport

tell him hes going to die so very slowly

U FACE PLANTED

IN FRONT OF HOW MANY PEOPLE?

a hundred or so

shut up. just. shut up.

you cldnt beat five y.o.'s at a race??

I was in a fucking sonic suit ok

how does somethng like this happen

peter. peter happens.

he was teaching year 1 and they had an athletics fair thing and bc i lost beer pong i had to dress up as sonic and hang arnd all day

then some fkn 5 year old punk challenged me to a race

he’s five!!!!!!!

still doesn’t mean he can disrespect me

just cos I was in a sonic suit

whatever kid

someone’s bitter

someone burnt the sonic suit immediately after

ive asked peter abt his job and i literally saw his face light up

he loves his job

ooh tell him u write kids books!

i don’t write them yet

that’s ok i’ll tell him

padfoot!!

HE JUST ASKED ME IF I WAS HONESTLY GOING TO WRITE A BOOK FOR KIDS ABT HIV

WHATS WRONG WITH U

convo starters

im definitely punching u in the face when i see u

ok i need to settle this

every last one of them idiots has texted me to tell me u were v tall

how fcking tall are u exactly

…

ohmygod

"so how is that boy i have never met before? cute?"

"hes really tall"

omg moony get over urself

whats ur height??

i dont even fcking know

so ur taller than james.

yeah

is lily wearing heels

yeah

red boots with gold buckles

r u taller than her?

yes.

fucks sake

shld i have listed that in the dealbreaker bit

"can reach the top cupboard easily"

ok remember the inbreeding

oh god oh god how tall are YOU???

i laughed so hard two of your friends came up to me

tell them to fuck off

they said u were a tiny little hobbit

I AM OF AVERAGE HEIGHT FOR AN ENGLISH MALE

wee dwarf they say

AVERAGE HEIGHT

ive always wanted someone to rest my arm on

average height!!!

this is gonna be so cute

ur gonna get on ur tippy toes to kiss me

maybe

ok.

maybe thats cute.

but im of average height.

right right little guy

i seem to have been renamed “pads fuckbuddy”

telling ppl we met on kik will have that result

wait

r u really being live texted this

peter likes your shirt

isnt it too dressed up?

he says u look cute

i concur

HAHA

he said u looked arnd

f. u.

its cute

i did come here with a purpose

we’re landing soon

good. abt time tbh

did he actually send u a pic?

nope i was just toying w/ ya

tho now that u mention it

lily just forced me into a selfie

is this ur work

i like your smile

somethng tells me ur not gonna see me smile much

how abt this?

(selfie pic)

now that’s just harsh

my middle finger reflects my true feelings. more than a smile

tell peter i like his necklace

maybe next time he can ask before he wears it

he says he asked but u werent listening bc u were texting me

huh

well

well.

well well well

how much longer?

less than half an hour

plus car ride

wish u cld just

teleport.

me too moony

how are u finding the homestead anyway?

the cats are v welcoming

haha i forgot abt the cats

no one has told me their names

uhhhhhhhh

god its not like fluffy or something right

not quite

go on then

achilles

which one is achilles

the golden-y one. duh.

and the brown one?

…patroclus

ur fkn kidding

no. shut up.

this house is so full of queers that even the cats are named after notorious gays

notorious ancient DEAD royal demigod gays

why am i not surprised

the fish are portia and ellen

ellen? like… degeneres? and her wife portia?

yeah lily’s pick

said she wanted more girls in the house

fair enough

more girls have just entered the house and

ONE OF THEM JUST KISSED MARLENE ON THE MOUTH???

ooooh moony u rlly have no idea do u

i wasn’t told!! not my fault!!

so im being introduced to marlene’s girlfriend for the first fucking time

u’ll like dorcas

alice has just arrived and is beyond shocked

we are so killing marlene

don’t be too harsh ok they didn’t think u’d understand

i guess.

starting to wonder if ive said something to make them think that

i’ll have to ask

not now but at a later time i mean

good good

so is the party in full swing yet

its getting there

lily has stolen alice

she does that

i need alice

uptown funk just came on and everyones losing their shit

theres table top dancing

i hope i come back in time for the other five uptown funk plays

whos table top dancing? i think i can guess

lily and peter. lily’s trying to drag alice up

PETER IS TRYING TO DRAG ME UP

do it moony!!!

i cant dance no way

dw peter will teach u he’s good at that

fml

he knew all the moves from the video clip. how.

same way he learned single ladies it was on fucking repeat for weeks

oooo ive just received an interesting looking video from james

fuck please don’t tell me

we really shld have tried harder to get a pole

look at ur hips go

fuck me

not yet moony we haven’t even met

i tried being friendly w/ james

u know

drank his fcking green juice

cut veggies for him

told him the dips tasted great

he seemed happy

i thought he liked me

but nope

he doesnt

he really doesnt like me

cut him some slack

i messaged peter to get u up there

and james to film it

i fucking hate u

im gonna put it on youtube

get ur arse here

im gonna fight u

ok but can we like do kicking and stuff

my nails are wet

…what

apparently claiming that i “have the prettiest hands out of all of us” meant that i had to get my nails painted by the girls

guess this means ur hands ARE the prettiest now

what colour

red

so pretty

i think the red’s too bright tbh needs to be a darker shade

shouldnt it be dry by the time u come home

i ddnt tell u

we landed a bit earlier than expected

we’re in the car rn

…

u’re just gonna walk into to the party and i’ll start finding that asian guy cute before i realize that its you

id be upset if it was the case uve had the chance to see more than a few pictures of me

nice short shorts by the way

ooooh the football pics

i liked the ones of u dressed as a hobbit better but those werent bad either

dw u’ll get ur own hobbit costume

cant wait

are u alone?

alone-ish

there is a party going on

just in case

u know

u werent aware of that

stop the sass for a sec

wld u please come out?

i thought we had established that i was out

…

remus i am standing outside in 8 fucking degrees celsius jsyk thats fucking cold please come meet me so we can say hello without 20 people around us

MAKE SURE JAMES AND PETER DONT NOTICE

REALLY MAKE SURE JAMES AND PETER DONT NOTICE

ok ok ok give me a sec

sure

i'll be the icecube on the sidewalk anytime u feel like joining me

jfc who decided on having the biggest flat of london exactly

oh nvmd patches turned around to bring me my jacket

i can wait now

is ur brother still here?

im like

at the hallway door.

fuck

idk how u feel abt me meeting ur family

i mean ok i met your family of some sort today but

ffs u know what i mean

what do i do

Chapter 8 Notes:

Disclaimer: We have absolutely nothing against Harry Styles! Pinky swear!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Remus checks his phone again. No answer. And now five solid minutes have gone by.

He has to open the door. His theory that Padfoot will have to come through it, anyway, is starting to sound irrational. Maybe there’s another door. Or, more likely, Padfoot is actually waiting for him on the sidewalk and Remus is making a fool of himself.

He sighs, pushes the button that unlocks the polished wooden doors. On the landing, he's greeted by soft, teasing voices.

“Vous allez être en retard.”

“On dira que c’est de ta faute.”

“Pour changer. Allez, allez-vous-en, je vous ai assez vu.”

The joke bubbles in Remus’ throat, a smile on his lips as he stays back from the silhouette in front of the too-big black car with an open door from which amused french voices are laughing with each other.

“On se voit lundi, promis?”

“Promis, Reg. Pour la troisième fois.”

“Le frangin a un rendez-vous galant, Patches.”

“Arrêtez de m’appeler comme ça!”

“Patches, Patches, Patches!”

The voices inside chant and laugh and Remus crosses his fingers that should they meet, Patches won’t know he was at the root of his new nickname.

After another jest and a few more laughs, the door finally closes. Padfoot waves them off, laughing again when one of the tainted window opens, but what is so funny Remus cannot see.

Padfoot doesn’t turn just yet, checking his phone in the golden streetlight. When he glances up from the screen, surveying the area with narrowed eyes, Remus feels like he’s been staring for hours and looks away. He gives a small wave and a nervous smile before risking another look, instantly meeting Padfoot’s gaze and his shy, eager smile.

There are a lot of jokes Remus has thought to make, lots of ways he has planned for this to go. But now his brain fumbles over the big Nike shopping bag in Padfoot’s hand, the brown jacket he’s wearing zipped to his throat, the obvious height difference and the French Remus has just got to mention.

Padfoot struts toward him, black boots hitting wet pavement more quickly than Remus can make up his mind.

“Evening.”

Remus waves again, quickly tucking both of his hands to his chest. “How was Spain?”

“Great. How’s my party?”

“Full of queers.”

“Sign of a good party,” he smiles tentatively and Remus smiles back. “You look cold, we should go in.”

“You asked me to come out!”

“I didn’t think you’d come without a coat,” Padfoot easily replies, getting close to Remus to enter in the security code.

He smells like new leather and a sweet perfume and Remus’ smile loses a bit of its nervous edge.

“Yeah, well, I thought my jumper’d be enough.”

Padfoot opens the door for him and waits for him to go in first.

“Told you it was freezing,” Padfoot jabs with a small smile. “Nice H&M jumper, though.”

Remus looks down to his plain crimson jumper with surprise. “What, does your family own that too?”

Padfoot shakes his head, his smile falling. “Not that I know, no,” he says quietly.

The walk to the elevator is silent.

A chill sweeps through Remus' body, accentuating the collection of sweat under his arms and on his lower back. He watches Padfoot glance at him, unaffected by the last of the cool breeze from the closing door. Unaffected from meeting Remus for the first time, casually strolling beside him. There’s so much distance between them that their knuckles don’t even graze as they both reach for the elevator panel.

Padfoot presses the doors open and smoothly steps in. Remus follows, a coil of dread building in his stomach as the silver doors slide closed behind him, locking him in the elevator with a very detached Padfoot.

The elevator is quiet, and there isn’t even the repose of cheesy elevator music to break the building tension in Remus’ brain. He goes back to staring at Padfoot from the corner of his eyes, observing his windswept hair and sharp frame. He looks effortlessly attractive, even at this time of the day, even when Remus knows for a fact he’s just stepped out of an airplane. Remus often finds his hands have been covered in ink by the end of a day and his hair always decides to live on one side of his head or the other but never to stay where he’s tried to put it in the morning.

Padfoot’s hair looks like it’s out of an American movie, carelessly falling over his chest in shiny little waves. Remus sees him unzip his jacket and thinks he’s not ready for more cute boy but underneath Padfoot is wearing a red plaid shirt, which he unbuttons down to a black tank top and there’s a lesbian joke on the tip of Remus’ tongue.

But Padfoot beats him to breaking the silence.

“So, about that star paraphernalia,” he says slowly.

“Mm?”

“I thought you might have guessed…”

“Oh, come on, not that again. What is it?”

Padfoot bites his lower lip on a smile, stops himself quickly. “Um, well, we’re named after stars.”

“What?”

“Stars. In the sky,” he waves his hand to the roof of the elevator. “My family is named after them.”

“You -”

“Patches is Regulus. My cousins - Andromeda, Bellatrix. Sirius,” he finishes pointing to himself.

The corners of his mouth twitch, fighting back a smile at what, Remus assumes, to be his shocked expression.

“Oh my God.”

This time Padfoot does smile. “Most of them come from Greek mythology, yes.”

“That’s - for fuck’s sake - I - I… I have a fucking star tattoo.”

“Yeah," Padfoot chuckles, "that threw me off a little.”

Remus laughs nervously as the elevator doors ding open, slightly mortified at himself. The hallway is deserted although Remus can feel the slight vibrations of the party thrumming through the carpet under his feet. His feet lead the way this time, not waiting for Padfoot - no, Sirius, Remus has to remember - to show him the way. Mostly, he doesn’t think he can look Sirius in the eye again.

His knowledge of stars is subpar, he barely remembers the order of the solar system. Regulus, Andromeda, Bellatrix, Sirius - all those sound foreign and, well, out of this world. At least his parents stuck to somewhat common mythology. Stars. He supposes it’s not that far fetched when some people are named after cardinal points or countries but still.

“I’d never have guessed,” he mumbles more to himself than to the pretty boy named after a star.

But he hears Sirius’ soft laugh behind him and the footfalls trailing him.

“Aw, don’t be embarrassed,” Sirius’ voice is teasing, and when he bumps their arms together Remus is forced to look at him. “I’m hoping you’ll show me your tattoo, one day.”

Remus snorts, his lips hitching into a small smile. “ ‘One day’,” he imitates his english accent. “Sure. Fingers crossed.”

The party continued on without him, bodies squishing together in crowds and raucous laughter. The smell of a closed room full of enthusiastic but sweaty dancing hits him full force, much like the way a small, nimble body hits him, too - hand first.

“Remus!” A familiar voice says, “It is you, right?”

Marlene stands before him, brows furrowed, their hand playing with the hem of his jumper which they hadn’t touched on him all afternoon.

“Right,” Remus confirms for them.

“Oh, good! You haven’t left!” Marlene links their arms together, pulling Remus closer to them. “I thought you’d left because you were still mad at me.”

“The day we don’t need to come out is not upon us,” Remus light-heartedly reassures them. “I’m not blaming you at all.”

They smile easily, worry lines smoothed out and forgotten. The party is in full swing behind them, white plastic cups scattered over every available surface and couches crowded with bodies. Remus can spot Peter picking up some discarded cups, stacking them together and laughing easily with the people mingled around, some handing over their empty beer bottles.

“I still can’t believe you’re queer,” Marlene giggles.

“So many riveting discussions to be had,” Sirius scoffs. “Do you mind, Marls?”

“Ah, no, but Lily’s coming out, too. She said she’d help me drag you back. I didn’t think you’d be with Si-Pads.”

“I know his name now,” Remus sighs.

Marlene frowns. “Really?” They ask Sirius. “Because he’s been trying to trick us all evening.”

Sirius frowns, too.

Remus throws his hands in front of him, “What?”

“Sirius!” Lily yells before Sirius can have a word about Remus’ unorthodox methods. “You’re back!”

Remus stays back from their hug, pondering over how familiar his name is in her mouth, all chances that Sirius’ name is just a joke being played on him dismissed.

“Hey, Lily-flower,” Sirius says in her arms. “How are you?”

“I’m good, I’m good. How was it, babe?” Lily’s smile falls almost instantly as she takes a good look at Sirius, and Sirius raises his eyebrows at her. “You’ve tanned!”

“Have I?” He grins brightly.

“You have, you little fucker!”

“Awesome. Now, Mrs Potter is going to stop saying I look like a ghost.”

“It’s gonna be all on me instead,” Lily sighs. “Oh! You should wear that white top we got last week.”

“The Forever 21 one?”

“Yeah, totally!”

Sirius barely has time for an apologetic half-smile before he’s dragged down the corridor Remus hasn’t explored. He’s left with Marlene and the smile they’ve been sporting since Remus had came up to them, relaxed and happy like he thinks he has never seen them. Remus loves it. However, he loves a little less that the boy he has come to see is gone again.

****

They come back soon enough. Remus has a fresh beer in hand and Alice is throwing absolutely non-covert glances from Sirius back to him. Remus would like her to stop, or to come closer to him so they can debate in more than eyebrows wiggles about how hot that boy is. Sirius looked good before, even better than in the pictures Remus has seen. As he walks out in a white tee-shirt and with his plaid shirt tied around his hips, it’s becoming unbearable. His skin looks more golden now against the white and his lips are a shiny pink red Remus can’t take his eyes off.

He does his best to quiet the part of him that has been freaking out about this since he has walked in in the afternoon. It had been easy around Peter, James, Lily and most of their friends who took his presence in stride and light hearted banter. It’s difficult, now. Sirius is harpooned by Marlene’s girlfriend, then one of the ginger brothers, briefly hugs with Peter, laughs with Lily, and feels so far away he may as well still be in another country.

When Alice finally joins him, she gives him a small hug. “Gonna strain something looking at him so hard, Stitch.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm?” He looks down to her. “Having fun?”

“I am. You were. Oh- hello!”

Sirius smiles politely, “I’m guessing you’re Alice. Lily’s been telling me you’re the one with the prettiest eyebrows.”

“Got it in one. And do you have a name besides Padfoot? Or Enjolras, which I’m partial to, to be completely honest.”

“Enjolras’ fine,” Sirius says easily. “But I do enjoy being named after a star - my real name is Sirius.”

Remus shakes his head and absentmindedly touches the tattoo on his ribs.

“Oooh, that’s really pretty, wow! Are your parents -”

“Hey babe,” James cuts in with just as bright a smile as he’s had all day, “sorry to interrupt. You’ve eaten?”

“Not yet, no.”

“We kept some quiche for you in the kitchen.”

The hint is laid thick enough that when Sirius turns back to them for apologies, Alice is already nodding him off.

Remus thinks he liked James, once.

****

Marlene and Dorcas join them quickly, sharing their handfuls of snacks and sympathy.

“Didn’t he come up to you?” Marlene asks.

Dorcas nods. “He was telling Lily off because he wanted to come talk to you.”

Remus shrugs. Alice bumps him in the ribs.

“He did,” she tells them, “but then he got snatched back away. Very in demand.”

Remus toys with his phone in his front pocket, fingers tapping the border of its case. “Are you going home with us afterward, Marlene?”

“Oh, I usually sleep at Dorcas’. She’s not too far from here. About a fifteen-minute walk.”

“Yeah, you guys can stay, too,” Dorcas pipes up. “My roommates are out for the weekend, there's plenty of room so you don’t have to go to the end of the world in the middle of the night.”

“Oh, that would be great, thanks! Your roommates aren’t part of the queer gang, then?”

Both Dorcas and Marlene laugh meaningfully. Remus glances sideways at Alice to see if she understands what’s so funny but Alice shrugs at him, just as confused.

“Sorry,” Dorcas breathes. “It’s kind of an interesting topic around here.”

“Oh?” Alice asks.

“Mary,” Marlene whispers in excitement, “one of Dorcas’ roommates, she’s caused a bit of a stir.”

“I wouldn’t say a stir,” Dorcas rolls her eyes.

“Some drama, then,” Marlene amends. “Got the most unfortunate crush.”

This draws Alice in, leaning forward to the couple to whisper back, “On who?”

Remus thinks he knows the answer.

Marlene cackles. “Sirius, the poor love,” Marlene pauses, a small smile curving on their lips. Remus has seen this smile before: Marlene loves an audience. “While she was seeing Peter.”

“Oh, no!” Alice gasps

“Oh, yes,” Marlene laughs, but Dorcas quickly cuts over them.

“It’s not hard to understand,” she explains, “Mary’s been questioning some things and, well… Sirius was able to help her.”

“I could have helped her,” Marlene grumbles.

“The first time you met her, you said her voice was too high pitched for you to listen to for too long.”

“You didn’t tell me she was still in the room!”

“What sort of things was she questioning?” Remus asks, diverting their argument back to the conversation.

“Gender things,” Dorcas says simply. “She’s still not worked it out completely. But, like, she had a big D and M about it with Sirius and -”

“Fell face first,” Marlene finishes.

“Poor Peter,” Alice breathes. “Poor Mary,” she adds as an afterthought.

Remus remembers the ridiculous attempt at revenge Peter took, his silly drunk sexting on kik, pretending to be Sirius. Sirius had said he’d been crying but the boisterous and happy person that Remus had been hanging out with all afternoon didn’t look sad enough to have been dumped only a few days prior. In favour of one of his best friends, even.

Remus' musings make him miss whatever the point of the new conversation is, only barely following what the girls and Marlene are saying, and still his fingers tap on his phone, begging him to look.

He gives in and takes it out of his pocket.

His stomach tightens pleasantly at the notification on the kik app.

sooo hows the chemistry

Remus’ thumbs float above the keypads. Above this message, the others have not disappeared, asking him to come out to meet without people hovering around them, telling him about hobbit costumes and painting nails.

idk tbh we havent had the chance to speak much

sorry abt that

james insists i eat a three course meal b4 he lets me out of here

mama james

he does answer to that name

good to know

moony this was me saying pls join me bc i cant get away rn but wld like to speak to u face to face like we have been hoping for

like.

all day.

****

“Remus!” Sirius very happily greets him and Remus understands the change of personality when he sees that James, for once, is not smiling. “Want some quiche?”

“Already had some,” he casually answers. “Lots of veggies in it. Noms.”

Sirius snorts. James rolls his eyes, as he had earlier when Remus had frantically tried to stop him from giving him on-the-go healthy recipes - for £3.50 each! Remus still feels bad about the way he handled that particular exchange. James hadn’t seemed to mind much at the time but now that Remus sits across from them, he’s starting to think it might come up again.

“So, where’s my souvenir?” Remus lightly starts.

Sirius is still smiling. At this point, Remus knows it's not a good sign. “I’ll give them out when the guests have left. Don’t want to make anyone jealous.”

James snorts, disguising the sound as a cough in the back of his throat. Sirius shoots him a glance, brows creased, and when James is finished hacking he says, “All right, there, Jimmy?”

Except it doesn’t sound like a question and Remus feels he should maybe be leaving them to it.

“I’m fine. Used your debit card a lot there then, hm? Or did you use theirs? Brought one back for us to do the grocery shopping with?”

“James. I’m fine, it’s going to be fine, and I’d appreciate a change of subject.”

James shakes his head. “That’s what you said last time, mate.”

The word mate falls from his tongue like a stab.

“Last time was years ago, James. People change.”

“Do they really, though? Or do they just… I don’t know, evolve into different arsehole-y versions of themselves.”

“Oh, for christ’s sake, we’re not doing this again, James. We had this conversation this morning already. I know what I’m doing and it was Reg’s birthday and-”

“We’re having this conversation again because I don’t think you quite got it the first time! They’ve done stuff like this to you before and they’ll keep doing it! It’s not good for you!”

“They did - not Reg, he didn’t want to… He just wanted us to be together-”

“And he had to manipulate and lie to you to get that to happen!”

Sirius scoffs, eyes rolling into the back of his head as he drops his fork to cross his arms over his chest. “He didn’t manipulate me, James, I could have left if I wanted to. You’re making this into something bigger than-”

James waves his arms in the air. “Just one day in a foreign country where you were practically trapped. That’s manipulation, Sirius.”

“Are we really going to do this now? We have guests and Moony is here.”

“You’re deflecting, you just don’t want to admit that I’m - wait. Wait. Moony? You’re Moony?”

Remus feels trapped under the dangerous glare that James originally had pinned onto Sirius. Remus hesitates one moment to blurt something like “and he was really upset about them around two hours ago, too” but Sirius is stabbing the rest of his quiche with his fork and Remus decides to give him a few seconds of peace.

He gives a small wave. “Uh, yeah. I’m Moony?”

“I thought you were one of Pete’s colleagues!” James makes it sound like an accusation, like Remus has purposefully misled him. “You’ve got the whole - the whole ‘kind face thing’ going on!”

“Eloquent,” Sirius mocks quietly.

James only shoots him a quick dark glance, keeping the worst of his attention on Remus. “You’re the kik guy.”

This time it’s not a question.

Remus puffs out a small, shaky laugh. “Yeah - I guess that’s the best name you could have picked, considering.”

James’ eyes narrow to pinpricks as Sirius snorts. “Considering what?”

“Uh,” Remus blanches, “nothing. Nothing at all.”

Sirius looks better now, almost amused, but Remus stays wary of the poisonous looks James shoots between them. He misses the happy, jovial James who greeted him, shook his hand vigorously and nearly clapped his shoulder blade out of his skin. He was only joking about James becoming a murderer when he’s angry - he never even expected to see James angry. Especially not this quickly.

“Come on, James,” Sirius grouses, “leave him be. You told me you liked him.”

“No - no. I liked him in general, I didn’t know we were evaluating him as a - like, what are you? Wh -”

Sirius cuts in. “Are you done questioning my life choices, James?”

“Are you done making questionable life choices, Sirius?” James shoots back.

“All right, I’m off,” Remus shrugs, pushing his chair back to get up.

“This is not about you,” James waves him back down. “I’m sure you’re a perfectly nice guy.”

“You don’t seem too convinced.”

James keeps waving. “Lily!” He yells. “And I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” he snaps back to Sirius with a backhand slap on his shoulder, “the first guy you chat up in a year and you’re just going to be all casual about it?”

Sirius just shrugs, leans back in his chair, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips.

“Yes, darling,” Lily stumbles in, her feet unsure on the kitchen tiles. “You so delightfully and elegantly called for me and I am now delighted to be elegantly present.”

She walks around to their side and pats James on the head before choosing Sirius’ lap. Remus understands why when the first thing she does is to pop in her mouth one of the samosas Sirius was meant to be eating.

“Did you know Remus was Sirius’ Moony?!”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Why am I the only one who didn’t know that?”

“I’d go for denial or just generally unobservant? Sirius' been practically attached to his phone for the last few days, we suddenly have a new boy in, and you’ve not put two and two together?”

“I thought he was one of Peter’s colleagues!” James repeats indignantly. “He’s got the kind face thing!”

“Oh - yeah,” Lily admits with a studious look at Remus. “Totally Sirius’ type, though.”

“Am I really?” Remus asks, tongue in cheek.

“Yeah,” Lily goes on in her happy tipsy state and Remus thinks she’s her favourite of Sirius’ friends. “Looking all straight edged but with the mouth of a sailor.”

“This is all very valuable information,” Remus admits, watching as Sirius starts sliding down in his seat and subtly hiding behind Lily.

“Right,” James cuts in, still indignant and very much not like the guy Remus thought he liked, “but so was that Wannabe Harry Styles piece of shite - mouth of a sailor and personality of a straight boy.”

Lily giggles, “Yeah. But Remus seems quite nice.”

Remus wants to chime in that he is, indeed, quite nice and still sitting right there, but as Lily moves to share a smile with James, he has a full view of the deep crimson on Sirius’ cheeks and that’s suddenly more important.

“What are you mumbling about?” James asks Sirius suddenly.

Lily answers for him, “I don’t know but I think he’s speaking French.”

“I’m not!” Sirius speaks up for the first time in a long while. “Don’t fucking start on the French,” he groans.

“Oh, let’s,” Remus cuts in, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. “Didn’t get to mention, but I quite enjoyed the very French conversation I heard earlier.”

Both James and Lily look confused but Sirius is mortified. “You heard that?”

“See! He’s already being an arsehole to him!” James points - literally with a finger at Remus’ face.

“Come on, James,” Sirius says bumping his arm.

“No, not come on! You didn’t listen to me this morning, you’re again not gonna listen to me about boys, what am I here for? Just tell me you only want me for the décor!”

“Great décor,” Lily pipes in.

“Décor with a very nice smile,” Remus adds, hoping to get into James’ good book again.

James looks confused as to which way to take the conversation.

“I’m - ok, thank you. But I was saying -”

“That we’ll talk about this later,” Sirius finishes, catching James’ eyes behind Lily’s back. “Please.”

Sirius’ look must be effective because James’ shoulders sag and he mutters, “Fine, fine, fine,” he says and looks at Sirius’ plate. “Do you want dessert? Peter’s made that chocolate pudding you like.”

Sirius nods and James gets up. Remus isn’t sure he’ll find any piece left where they’ve been displayed in the other room but James opens the microwave where a big piece was hidden away.

When he looks back to Sirius, Lily is cradling his head and placing soft kisses on his forehead. Remus can’t see his expression but a wave of sympathy washes over him. Lily quietly asks him if he’s all right, to which Sirius, again, answers that he is.

“Your hair smells like the sea,” Lily then grumbles sulkily.

“It was freezing cold,” Sirius replies and there’s a smile blooming on his lips that makes Remus’ stomach ease up. “But it was amazing.”

“I’m so jelly. Did you know Alice is Hawaiian? She’s going back for hols this summer. I’m so keeping her as a friend.”

“You could ask Sirius to buy you the plane tickets,” James chimes in, slamming a plateful of gooey chocolate cake in front of them.

“Oh, you got a credit card from them?” Lily guesses with a grin but then, suddenly sombre, adds, “Tell your parents’ lawyers not to come here next week, though, I’ll chew them out. Oh, and we have to unplug the home line.”

“Thanks for the support, Lil,” James mumbles.

“You’re welcome, darling.”

“Thanks for the support, Lil,” Sirius smiles with a kiss on her shoulder.

“You’re welcome, darling. Care to share that? I don’t think there’s any left out there.”

Sirius hands her the spoon, smiling as she breaks off a big piece and savours it in her mouth.

“Where’s Pete?” Sirius asks. “Have to compliment the cook.”

Lily swallows gracefully, her voice clear as she shouts, “Peter!” with a smear of chocolate on her chin.

James’ arms are folded over his chest again, the scowl forming again over his face. “Is that all we’re going to say on it?” He’s talking to Lily.

“You don’t have to parent me,” Sirius cuts in with a frown. “And you can wait to be alone to talk behind my back.”

James’ eyes narrow. “Be better if we were your parents.”

“Say that louder, Prongs. Go on.”

Remus doesn’t like the fire in Sirius’ eyes, cold but fierce and ready to burn down the house.

The kitchen door swings open as James is about to retaliate, Peter’s familiar large form in the corner of Remus’ eye. There’s a moment of silence before Peter’s voice fills the room.

“I can’t believe this guy,” he mutters. “I throw everything I’ve got at him, and it doesn’t even…What...are… those?”

His indignation breaks for a hopeful look at James and Sirius, who have stopped biting each other’s heads off but are pointedly not looking back at Peter.

“Um, I don’t know,” Remus breaks in, “I thought they looked kinda dashing.”

Peter grins at him and then falls back into character. “I’ve got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I’ve been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, AND YOU ARE WEARING HIS MERCHANDISE?”

Remus can’t help but give a small laugh, and smiles with Peter when James sips loudly at Sirius’ glass. “Thirsty?”

There’s a strained silence as James puts Sirius’ glass back onto the table. Remus lets himself smile at the randomness of the Disney line, feeling more at ease now that Peter and Lily are here and James and Sirius’ fight has boiled down to a squabble.

It’s Lily that speaks first, a wicked smile on her lips and her eyes pinning Remus down: “I never want to see a naked man again.”

“Hey,” Remus says stifling a laugh to keep in character, “don’t look at me, I ain’t biting no more butts.”

“Do you think we’ll meet more savages?” Peter asks in mock wonder.

“If we do,” Remus booms, “we shall be sure to give them a proper English greeting.”

James’ hand reaches for the plate of samosas on the table but he stops himself short of raising them. Peter takes the hint and does it for him.

“Ooh, gift baskets!”

Remus shakes his head. “And he came so highly recommended.” He waits a second for the little knot in his stomach to subside. When it doesn’t, Remus goes on with only a small hope but a strong wish of being back on James’ good side. “Pocahontas,” He calls to James, “that tree is talking to me.”

James opens his mouth but quickly closes it with a childish pout.

“Then you should talk back,” Sirius saves him.

“Don’t be frightened, young man,” Lily says with a wink that Remus takes as encouragement, “my bark is worse than my bite.”

The second encouragement, this time an obvious head nod toward James, makes Remus laugh again.

“This is an unholy demon,” James finally picks up, his face all challenge.

Remus smirks. “I’m sending it back to hell, where it belongs.”

“Ah, but remember, my friends. Even Tramp has his Achilles heel.”

“Pardon me, amigo,” Remus follows without missing a beat, “what is this chili deal?” Before James can start a new line Remus cuts in, “A falling star… I call it! Get out, get out! I have to make a wish!”

James falters, his brows creased in confusion. “What…” He bites his lip before sighing, “Shit.”

Remus waits before grinning in victory - waits too long, because Sirius smirks him out of it.

“Pretend I’m Merida,” he says with a heavy, wrong Scottish accent.

“Ratatouille,” Remus fights back, “it’s like a stew, right? Why do they-”

“I don’t want to get married-”

Remus talks faster. “Call it that? If you’re gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious.”

“- I want to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the Glen-”

“Ratatouille doesn’t sound delicious,” Remus continues as if there was no interruption. “It sounds like ‘rat’ and ‘patootie’.”

“-firing arrows into the sunset!”

“Rat patootie!”

“Which does not sound delicious,” Sirius concedes and for the first time since Remus has really met him, he feels Sirius’ smile warm him from the inside like the laugh of the pretty boy from his kik app. “But it actually is really good.”

“D’you have a recipe for that, too?”

“It’s even more secret than the crêpes one.”

“You gave him our crêpes recipe?” James jumps back in. “Did we adopt him and I haven’t seen the papers yet?”

“He knows his Disney,” Peter shrugs casually. “I say we keep him.”

“Is this the VIP lounge?” Dorcas says as she walks in, stopping James short of answering negatively. “Oh, and you have cake!”

“Not anymore,” Lily says quickly, hiding the cake from her and cutting the last piece in two bites for her and Sirius. “And no, this isn’t the VIP lounge. Sirius and James were having a bit of a domestic.”

“Aw, did you kiss and make up yet, boys?”

Sirius snorts. “James wishes I would kiss him.”

“All right, not that again.”

“T’s all right, Jimmy,” Lily laughs, cradling Sirius’ head, “we’ve all wished to kiss him.”

“You’ve never asked to kiss me.”

“Yeah, I figured these,” she says grabbing her breasts, “would bother you a bit.”

Sirius kisses her shoulder again. “Your boobs are lovely, Evans.”

“Aw,” she grins, leaning down to peck his lips.

Sirius swipes the chocolate she leaves on his lips with his thumb and hides his head on Lily’s back. “James is already huffy enough with me.”

“Too right,” James agrees, holding out a hand to Lily. She grabs it, rising gracefully from Sirius’ lap. “We do have a party going on here, remember?”

“Like it’s my fault,” Sirius mutters, playing with the spoon on the empty cake plate.

He stands up as well and they all follow James’ lead out of the kitchen.

Remus gets up last, taking a last look at the empty kitchen. He tries to figure out what he thinks of Sirius’ friends now that he’s seen them with Sirius, what he thinks of Sirius now that he’s seen him living and squabbling in front of him. There still seems to be a gap, some kind of wall between the strange funny boy in his phone and this slightly darker man. Remus can’t help the slight worry that continues to bubble inside him.

“Moony?” Sirius calls from the door.

He’s cocking his head to the side, a playful smile on his lips on a joke Remus knows is coming and the wall breaks away by at least a layer.

“Yeah?”

Sirius holds out his hand to him, flexing his fingers encouragingly, “Shall we go join that party, then?”

Remus hums, getting up and slipping his hand into Sirius’ open palm, letting himself be pulled back in.

****

Their absence hasn’t stopped their friends from dancing to the music, sharing jokes and opening new beers. Remus had counted twenty people before Sirius had come in but it seems like they have doubled in number since then and he still doesn’t remember any of their names.

Sirius leads him by the hand to the table where the drinks are spread.

“Gonna fix me that martini?” Remus jokes.

He hopes his tone is right, he hopes he conveys the joke as well as he does in text. Maybe it’s his fault this evening has taken such a strange turn. James seems to think so.

Sirius raises an eyebrow, one side of his mouth pulled into a half smile. “And what would I get in return?”

Remus squeezes the hand in his, answering sly smile for sly smile. “Dunno, what do you want?”

As prophesied Sirius’ cheeks take a lovely shade of red and Sirius shakes his head. Remus grins, up until the hand in his escapes.

“No, but really?”

Remus bites down the just your hand’d be fine, love and takes a look at the bottles. “I usually just go for a beer. What are you getting?”

“A mojito for me, babe,” Dorcas says, sliding herself between Sirius and him, “extra citrusy.”

“Not your barman,” Sirius intones.

“My barmaid?” Dorcas banters with a flutter of eyelashes. “Pretty please, you can hold the cherry.”

Sirius sighs heavily, his face laced with exasperation but starts on Dorcas’ drink anyway. It’s not long until Marlene sidles up next to Dorcas, holding their girlfriend by the hip and cheering excitedly when Dorcas states that Sirius is making us all drinks, isn’t that nice.

“Hey, Sirius,” Marlene interrupts the process, “can I ask you something?”

“I’m not fixing you anything to eat,” Sirius replies, “ask James.”

“No, no,” Marlene waves their hand. “It’s about Mary.”

Remus can see the slight tension in his shoulders, and is about to tell Marlene to drop it when Sirius casually says, “What about her?”

“Well,” Marlene drawls and Dorcas elbows them.

“Marls feels left out,” Dorcas winks.

“Where’s my great discussion on gender with her? Or with you,” they add as an afterthought.

Sirius slices the citrus no one had really bothered with before and takes a spoon that looks clean-ish to stir the drinks.

“You seem to have your gender thing down pat,” he tells Marlene and they’re opening their mouth but he goes on. “She also wanted to keep it quiet.”

Marlene snorts. “Yeah, right like I can’t keep things quiet.” Remus wants to nod in approval of her character. “She just wanted you all to herself, more like. Tell me, did she try to pull any moves on you?”

Now Remus just grimaces, catching Sirius’ roll of eyes.

“Marlene!” Dorcas admonishes. “This is probably why she wouldn’t come to you for help!”

“She didn’t try to ‘pull any moves’ on me,” Sirius replies mockingly. “She told Pete she was interested in someone else and then asked me out for a drink.”

“Peter’s been saying he understands,” Dorcas says. “But that really sucks.”

As if on cue, Peter’s lumbering body comes crashing into them, laughing loudly and commanding Sirius make him something right now, and make it heavy. He slaps Remus on the shoulder almost painfully, asking him if he’s having a good night.

“Not as good a night as you, clearly,” Remus replies, which earns him a bellowing laugh.

“It’s a perfect night! I’m single, young, and hot! Ain’t that right, Sirius?”

“The hottest,” Sirius agrees with a smile and a bottle of tequila in hand.

“We were talking about Mary,” Marlene says pointedly.

Peter dismisses their comment with a wave of his hand. “What’s done is done,” he says, “I’m rather offended no one is agreeing I’m young.”

“The youngest,” Remus says from under Peter’s arm.

Peter slaps him again enthusiastically.

“We should have shots!” He exclaims and reaches across the table for shot glasses that had until then been ignored.

Remus takes a step back out of the way, then another out of reach. He sighs, shrugging ruefully as he sees a vacant spot on the couch and slumps into the plush cushions. Not that Remus expected much privacy at a party in the first place - he just didn’t expect it to be this hard to keep the attention of just one person.

A slightly intimidating person, Remus has to reason. One who has to deal with his own life at the same time as he talks to Remus. There’s no more single stream of texts to follow, but inputs coming from everywhere to decipher, with blasting music and interrupting friends on top.

Remus slots the beer bottle he’s snatched from the table between his legs. He brushes his fingers through his hair, unravelling the knots as he massages his scalp. His beanie falls off his head to his lap, and it’s soothing, as if he were rubbing away the stress and apprehensions of the evening.

It doesn’t work perfectly. His chest still feels tight. But it’s a small comfort in the middle of a foreign lounge room.

He’s about to put his beanie back onto his head when he sees Sirius emerge from the crowd, finally his own drink in hand, without the smile that always seems hard earned. He spots Remus quickly, avoiding his friends to walk to him.

“Are you purposely trying to get away from me?” Sirius asks as a joke, but Remus can detect something - worry? - in his voice.

“I wasn’t given much of a choice,” he replies. “Everyone wants a piece of you.”

Sirius hums. “I haven’t seen most of them in a few weeks,” he excuses them sliding down on the couch, “and drama happened.”

“Talk of the evening,” Remus agrees lightly.

Sirius’ knee touches his with the natural dip of the cushions, that barely-there-touch closer than they’ve been even when they were holding hands.

“Lily and Mary are really good friends,” Sirius shrugs, “and if anything upsets Lily, it upsets the whole squad.”

Remus holds the lip of the bottle to his mouth, hoping it might muffle what he’s going to say next. “I wasn’t talking about just now.”

“You’ve come here in the middle of a shitstorm,” Sirius says apologetically.

“The party is nice,” Remus reassures.

Sirius laughs humourlessly. “Sure, my best friend didn’t just make you suffer through a Disney themed grilling for - wait.”

“What?”

Sirius looks amused, his hand slowly reaching out to Remus. Before Remus can swat him away or duck there’s a warm presence on his head and a slight chuckle in his ear.

“Curls,” Sirius enthuses, his fingers picking at a lock and springing it.

“I haven’t washed it in weeks,” Remus says weakly, quickly pulling his beanie back over his head.

Sirius takes his fingers away with a grimace and Remus’ instinct is to make a joke about poshness but Sirius still isn’t smiling and it’s getting on his already sensitive nerves.

“What did you mean, then?” Remus pushes forward.

“Hm?” Sirius still looks like he wants to torment Remus about his hair, his eyes moving teasingly from Remus’ eyes to the beanie.

“What’s the shitstorm?”

Sirius shrugs one shoulder, luckily focusing back on Remus’ eyes. “The family thing. It’ll be over soon though.” There’s a thoughtful look on Sirius’ face as he adds, “Hopefully.”

“Hopefully,” Remus repeats quietly.

Sirius shifts one leg underneath the other, a little closer to Remus.

“I’m sorry we haven’t had much of a chance to get to know each other.”

“That’s okay.”

Sirius hears the slight strain Remus thought he had hidden from his voice. “Are you sure?”

It would be better to be honest. To get everything out in the open so it can be sorted out quickly. Remus' heart hammers in his chest as he takes a deep breath, his tongue suddenly sticking to the roof of his mouth.

“You’re not what I expected,” he says at last. At the sight of Sirius’ crestfallen face, Remus quickly amends, “I mean, in terms of like… Appearance. Or, not quite appearance. Aura?”

Sirius looks lost at his reasoning and Remus feels as if all the English he knows is leaving his brain.

“I thought you’d be…”

“Mm?”

“Less…” He makes vague hand gestures, grasping at the air before him.

“Moony, you knew what I looked like from the start.”

The nickname unclogs the apprehension in his throat. “You look cool.”

“I look cool,” Sirius repeats, an amused smile brightening his face.

“Yeah. Like, unapproachable kind of good looking.”

Sirius seems confused but there’s still a smile on his lips.

“Unapproachable kind of good looking,” he muses. “Do I have to apologize about that?”

He looks down before Remus can keep up the banter, eyes on his hands, and Remus notices he’s fiddling with the rim of his glass, shaking his head.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way it’s just - I don’t know. Way easier to talk to a hot guy through text, I guess. I feel a bit out of my league now.”

Sirius laughs again, “You’re being ridiculous.”

He’s not looking up from his hands so Remus leans to brush his fingers with his. “I just thought… you’d be really excited to meet me. Like I was - I was really excited to meet you. Your friends talk about you so much, and I thought I knew you, and then when it didn’t click right away I-” He stops as he notices Sirius has stopped shaking his head, and the drink has stopped sloshing in Sirius’ glass. Remus holds his fingers against the back of Sirius’ hand. “I mean, I just had this grand idea of us meeting. My course does make me read a lot of romance.”

This gets him a soft snort. Remus waits for him to pick up the conversation, unsure when his idea to say what he thought had became saying every thought that came to his mind.

“I’m just really nervous, Moony,” Sirius says quietly. “And everyone is going on about the Mary situation. And I thought they had told James but obviously they haven’t. It’s a lot to deal with.”

Remus strokes his knuckles to Sirius’. “Sorry. I know we said this was just a first meeting kind of thing, and I know what’s been happening with you… I’m just... it was a bit frustrating. But don’t mind me, I just-”

“No, no, it’s not just you - Lily says the same thing about me.”

“Mm?”

“That I look cool.” Remus swats his hand in retort to the mocking smile he can see behind the curtain of hair hiding most of Sirius’ face. “She likes arrogant and standoffish better to describe it.”

“In my defence, kids wouldn’t understand a three syllables word.”

“Hah - sure.”

“James brought you two closer, then?”

“Mm, no, not really, if anything it drove a deeper wedge between us. It was… well, two break-ups ago. Ice cream and a lot of crying to Taylor Swift’s songs really helped chip at the whole standoffish thing.”

“Ah, well. Hopefully we don’t need to go there.”

Sirius brushes his hair back behind his ear, his eyes still on his glass, surprising Remus when his next move is to switch his glass from one hand to the other, swiping condensation on his jeans before shyly putting his palm against Remus’ and aligning their fingers.

Remus watches their fingers entwine, feeling grounded by the warmth and softness of Sirius’ delicate hand. His freshly painted nails shine under the warm glow of the low light, a vivid red much like the tinge on Sirius’ cheeks. Remus strokes his thumb over Sirius’ many rings, suddenly embarrassed by his large clumsy hands. But Sirius strokes the back of his hand back.

“Sorry,” Sirius finally says when Remus has forgotten the world exists outside of the nerve ending on his fingertips, “I should have made an effort. You’ve literally been waiting here all day.”

Remus gives a squeeze to the hand he’s never going to let go of. “It’s fine, really. I had fun. I really like your friends.”

“They’re great.”

“Yeah, they really are. Though, now that we’re alone,” Sirius’ eyes dart back to his, “let’s make a plan. How do I get James to like me again?”

That wins him a laugh, which makes Remus’ smile grow. He wants to forget the parts of the evening that weren’t so great because this laugh belongs to the boy he’s been talking to for days, and it’s a beautiful one. Even more so now that he can see the crinkle of his eyes, the remains of its short life stretching on Sirius’ lips.

“How far are you willing to go?”

“Two or three more green juices,” Remus answers in a conspiring voice. “But please don’t make me run.”

“Aw, that’d be the easiest way, though.”

“Ugh. I can do walking. Maybe walking fast. That’s about it.”

Sirius has another short laugh but Remus’ enjoyment of it is cut short by Sirius’ hand leaving his. Sirius runs his hand on his face, as if trying to chase tiredness from his eyes. He swipes his hair to one side of his head, looking up with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry,” He says, putting his glass between his legs and holding out both his hands to be held.

Remus is quick to comply.

“Five am alarm catching up to you?”

“Yeah,” Sirius nods. “And James,” he adds with his eyes on their hands. “He’s so difficult when it comes to my family.”

“Yeah. There’s nothing I can do about that, is there?”

Sirius visibly stills, looking up with a forced smile. “No, sorry. I shouldn’t be whining to you about this.”

“No, no,” Remus quickly catches on, “I mean, is there something I can do? It might not be my place - I’m just asking. Is there something I could do to help you, at all?”

“Oh.”

Sirius looks back at him, his eyes more curious even than they were when Remus met him outside.

“No,” He finally says. “There’s really nothing to do. Everything’s just a bit too much right now. But it’ll calm down.”

“Mm,” Remus sympathizes. “I can do hugs, though. If you want one.”

Sirius tilts his head, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

They shift together, Sirius doing most of the work, mindful to put their drinks by the couch. He softly lays his head on Remus’ shoulder, letting Remus move to embrace him with one arm. Remus makes soothing circular motions on his back, and moves his thumb on the back of the hand he’s still holding. Sirius sighs against him and Remus has to stop himself before he kisses the top of Sirius’ head.

“Your hair does smell like the sea,” he says against Sirius’ temple instead.

“Hm,” Sirius softly answer. “We had a shower after the beach but we were tight on time so we played a game to know who could wash their hair and Reg and Ann won even though they both have the shortest. T’was unfair.”

“Poor pretty boy. But it’s nice. It’s like you’ve come straight from the sea.”

Remus bites his tongue on the Little Mermaid reference. He’s not going there right now.

Sirius makes an appreciative noise against his neck. “But you,” he says, his voice fighting to get back to a less sleepy pattern, “really, weeks?”

“Mm?”

“Since you’ve washed your hair.”

“Oh. Hm. Maybe not weeks. But I really don’t like washing my hair.”

“‘Ve got to find someone to do it for you, Moony.”

“Would you?” Remus teases.

He feels Sirius’ smile almost against his neck as Sirius’ moves his head. “Yeah. In exchange for hugs like this.”

“It’s a deal.”

Sirius hums softly his approval of the deal, his free hand playing with the bottom hem of Remus’ shirt, which Remus now feels more self-conscious of than even his hair. He had thought the blue palm tree branches were innocuous enough for a beginning of summer party. But now, he can think up at least three jokes about it and he’s a hundred percent sure that the problem tonight is not Sirius, but his brain. He had flirted with a co-worker without problem not a fortnight ago, even exchanged kik names with a boy from Tinder without thinking much about it, but here the deal is different. He already likes Sirius’ friends, and he likes Sirius’ humour and he even freaking likes Sirius’ name.

“All right there, boys?”

Remus welcomes the interruption of his own thoughts and the possible wake up of Sirius who looks up all sleepy eyed, but definitely doesn’t welcome the shift on the sofa as Sirius turns to Peter.

“Yeah. You?”

Peter focuses on Sirius with laughable difficulty and nods sharply. “I’m having a good time.”

“Good,” Sirius says, leaning back against Remus as they shift again since Peter seems to be in to stay. “Lily’s forgiven you yet?”

Peter nods a few times, looking at the forever dancing group he’d been part of for almost every song since the playlist had started. “She says she needed to wind down too, before her exams.”

Remus loops one arm around Sirius’ waist and lets Sirius’ hand find his, fingers weaving blindly. He’s ready to settle in against the couch and the warmth of Sirius’ back when Peter’s lull suddenly disappears.

“Wanna dance? Uptown Funk is next!”

“Maybe the next one-”

“Oh, come on!” Peter says, grinning and tearing Sirius from Remus’ arms.

When Sirius turns back for an apology, Remus thinks he’s getting used to the idea that this party isn’t ever going to become a get-to-know-you and more like a challenge for five-minutes-spent-alone-with-you.

****

If the fact that there’s a video of his dancing floating around isn’t embarrassing enough, Sirius’ own dancing puts his to shame. He dances almost as well as Peter, whom he follows through the song’s moves, the both of them injecting energy and laughter in the already excited crowd. Sirius is twirled around by Lily, and he twirls her back with a grin bigger than Remus has seen on his face yet, and then his back is turned to Remus.

The frustration eats at him. He’s had time to meet Sirius’ friends and time to have some party fun and now what Remus would like would be a sit down with a pretty boy to exchange flirtatious touches and a few jokes. Trying to reason with himself, Remus studies his options. He could plead for more time with Sirius, remind him that he had been staring at his phone screen most of the party, waiting for Sirius to tell him he’d arrived, skipping some conversations with his friends so he wouldn’t miss anything Sirius texted. But that seems silly now that he sees Sirius finally relaxing from his tumultuous day.

Remus glances around to find Marlene on their own by one of the big windows on the far wall. He places Sirius’ drink back on the drinks table on his way to them, smiling to the three persons who are smiling at him even though he doesn’t know them, and tapping Marlene’s thigh to announce his presence.

“It’s me,” he adds as he plops down on the low furniture they’ve chosen to sit on.

They point to the earphone in their ear and Remus takes a mouthful of beer as he waits. Marlene has opened the window to air out some of the noise as they listen intently to the text being read to them, and Remus lets the cool breeze wash over his face.

“Sorry, talking to Mary,” Marlene explains when they’re done. “What’s up?”

“Less than you’d think. I like the way he smells but that’s about all I can tell you about him.”

“Aw, darling,” Marlene laughs. “I like his voice, if that helps.”

“I heard more of it on the phone,” Remus complains before sighing. “Sorry.”

“S’all right. It was getting a bit boring hearing you mope about girls, anyway, so at least this is new. I can’t believe how fate worked for this to happen, though. You’d think the world was bigger than that.”

“Yeah, that’s weird. I really couldn’t believe it when I saw you come in,” Remus says for the second time this evening. “I didn’t think you had this whole other life going on.”

Marlene laughs. “I’m a queer superhero.”

“Glad to finally know your secret identity,” Remus says in a conspiring voice.

“That straight disguise was becoming a bit heavy,” they add lightly and Remus squeezes their knee. “Which is why, you know, I can’t understand why Mary wouldn’t talk to me.”

They run a frustrated hand through their short bob. Remus wonders what made it so they wouldn’t tell him but he’s not sure he can handle the answer right now. He glances behind Marlene to see the group of dancers are laughing together and for the first time tonight, he sees Sirius laugh, really laugh, eyes crinkled and head titled back. He looks so much younger, so much less imposing, and it’s beautiful.

Remus had many expectations about this night, perhaps too many, and if he thought flirting all night was his ideal scenario, this feels good too. Sirius is laughing with some of his friends and matching steps with others, releasing some of the tension he was coiled with. So Remus focuses back on Marlene, thinking he should relax as well.

“She might not have planned that discussion at all,” he finally reasons.

“Yeah, I don’t know. I’ve asked her if everything was alright,” they say pointing to their phone, “she told me she’s just taking it easy right now but that she knows she can call me.”

“That’s good. You know, you can call me, too.”

“Mm?”

“Anytime you want to talk about that girlfriend of yours.”

“Oh, that. Hah. We’ve been together for, mmm, a bit over one year and a half.”

“Shit. And all that time you didn’t guess that I was bi?”

“Well… I knew you liked boys. I didn’t know if you knew you liked boys. And,” they shrug, “t’s’not really the part I was afraid to share.”

Remus keeps quiet for a moment. “Do your parents know?” He asks softly.

“Ah, well, yeah.”

“Scary Mrs McKinnon does and the random roommate you could have kicked out didn’t?”

“Hey, come on, don’t say that like it’d be so easy to. Do you know how hard it is to be able to stand a roommate? I wasn’t going to let go of one who washed up and never left hair in the sink.”

“I’m glad my incapability to grow a beard can finally play in my favour.”

Marlene laughs. “T’wasn’t easy telling mum, though. Well, the telling part was easy. The whole, ‘she wouldn’t have been like that if we had raised her in Fukuoka, Richard,’ wasn’t so much.”

“Ouch. How did Richard take it?”

“I have white hair and a music degree. Richard isn’t surprised at much of what I do anymore.”

“Gotta go queerer.”

“I should dress up for Pride and send them a pic.”

“That’d look lovely in the family album, right next to the pictures of your classical music era.”

“Hey, that violin and I go way back. I’m not rejecting it.”

Remus smiles back at them and when he takes a sip of his beer, offers some to them. Marlene takes it gratefully.

“Anyway, I went through the whole coming out process twice, don’t I get my Gender and Sexualities black belt now?”

“Can I make an anime joke there?”

Marlene mockingly considers it. “Doesn’t warrant it. You can be more creative than that.”

“You have too much faith in me, senpai.”

Marlene laughs and takes his beer again. “And I can’t believe you came out at fourteen! You’re like, gold star queer.”

Remus’ mind stays stuck on the word star. He takes his phone out (no notifications) and quickly types one word in the browser.

“Remus?”

“Sorry, I just - his family is named after stars.”

“Oh, yeah,” they shrug. “Gets old after a while. Most of the jokes have been done, and they have this stupid rule not to laugh if it isn’t new.”

“Really?”

“And you owe Sirius a favour anytime you use serious and derivatives at him. He’s quite imaginative with those, don’t risk it.”

Remus glances at Sirius’ dancing. He reckons he’d risk it.

“Tell me how you and Dorcas met,” Remus redirects them after he reads the first fact that comes up about Sirius, the brightest star in the Earth’s night sky. He drops his phone back on his lap, turning the screen face down. “Love at first sight?”

Marlene doesn’t need to be told twice. Remus knows they love telling stories and this one seems particularly good as they shimmy to straighten up and start from two years ago.

“First day of university and I run straight into a wall.”

Marlene had taken a tour of the university campus just the week before to familiarise themselves with the buildings, tracing routes and mapping out their schedule for each day of the week.

“But they did some construction since I explored the campus,” Marlene tells Remus, annoyed. “In one whole week they managed to build a wall. A wall! You remember how it took the plumber three fucking months to fix the damned sink properly? And in a week they can build a goddamn wall!”

Remus thinks it’s worthy of a movie when they say that they started falling to the ground - “I felt like an idiot, arms waving everywhere and shrieking,” - when suddenly there were arms wrapped around their torso, only just being saved from hitting the concrete.

“I told Dorcas a few months ago that she missed a great line and that we could have started dating a whole six month earlier.”

“And what line is that?”

“'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?'”

Remus laughs. “That’s truly awful.”

Marlene just shrugs, smiling shyly. “Would have worked, to be honest.”

“So she literally caught you.”

“She did,” Marlene puts a hand to their chest. “Dorcas swept me away.”

“Oh, stop it,” Dorcas saunters over, smiling brightly and nudging her hip against Marlene’s shoulder. “You’re twisting the story again, aren’t you?”

“I would never!” Marlene gasps, but they’re grinning.

“I don’t know what they told you,” Dorcas says to Remus, “but that’s not how it happened.”

“Marlene didn’t run into a wall?”

“Oh,” Dorcas smiles, “they ran into a wall, alright. Then they rebounded and smacked into me, and it was either grab onto this body colliding into mine or be taken down with it.”

Marlene huffs. “My version sounds more romantic.”

“You shouted, ‘shitting Jesus, save me’!”

Remus snorts into his beer, foam splashing into his face as he chokes. Marlene pats him on the knee before shooting back at Dorcas, “You grabbed on pretty tightly for someone with apparently only pure intentions.”

Dorcas rolls her eyes. “You say that every time,” she says affectionately and scoots to sit by Marlene on the furniture. “After I saved Marls from their imminent death, we started talking and it turned out we were heading to the same class so I told them I could walk with them and Marls insisted they hold onto my arm all the way there.”

Marlene doesn’t even try to feign innocence. “If I can use it to my advantage, then I will.”

“I’ll rephrase,” Dorcas sounds amused. “Marls insisted they hold onto my arm for the rest of the term, despite the fact that I knew they didn’t need to.”

“And I’ll repeat.” Marlene is smiling widely, settling against Dorcas’ body. “If I can use it to my advantage…”

Dorcas kisses them on the top of their head and cards her fingers through their short hair. Marlene leans their head into the touch, pouting their lips so Dorcas will peck them.

“So then, how did you start dating?” Remus asks.

“Mary Mcdonald! Mary Mcdonald! Mary Mcdonald!” Marlene’s phone blasts loud enough that Remus can hear it through their headphones. “Ah-ha!” Marlene says and jumps up, “that’s a story for another time. I’m gonna take this into one of the bedrooms!”

“I’ll let them tell you,” Dorcas smiles when she looks back at him. “But just to give you an idea, it involves Hyde Park’s Christmas market and guns.”

“I’m looking forward to that story then,” Remus smiles back.

Dorcas smiles bigger. “I’m so glad I finally get to stop sneaking in their bedroom. It all felt very high school.”

Remus laughs and hides his grimace as he understands that it will be two couples to deal with in the shared house, now. He’s lucky Alice’s brother has never shown any interest in getting himself in a relationship.

“Yeah, that’s gonna be nice,” he says instead.

“You say that now,” Dorcas snorts. “According to Marls, I take forever in the bathroom. And I leave hair everywhere.”

Dorcas makes a show of fluffing her curly hair, the ringlets springing and coiling back around her face.

“They seem to have a preoccupation with hair in the bathroom,” Remus says as a figure approaches them, bouncing on his heels.

“May I?” Sirius says, a new glass in hand and a smile still on his lips. Dorcas and Remus give him room in between them, and Sirius stretches out in the available space, invading each of their personal spaces uncaringly. His head rests against Remus’ shoulder as he spreads out, Dorcas poking her tongue at him when his leg ends up over hers.

“You’re too small to take all this space.”

Sirius visibly huffs up until she laughs. “You’re mean,” he says in feigned coldness, looking up at Remus. “Tell her she’s mean.”

“You’re taller than I was led to believe,” Remus says instead and gets a grimace that’s half smile, half pout. “And you dance really well.”

That makes the smile win over. “Thanks.”

“I’m waiting for Time Warp to come on,” Dorcas says. “I definitely want to see you dance to that.”

“You mean that’s not constantly playing here?” Remus asks in mock wonder. “This isn’t a queer house at all.”

Dorcas leans forward. “Even worse is that in all the time I’ve known him, I’ve not seen a single indication that Sirius knows the moves.”

“My version’s better.”

“Yeah, ballet boy.”

“Dorcas thought I looked cool, too,” Sirius says to divert the conversation but Remus files the titbit of information for later. Sirius’ eyes twinkle mischievously when he looks at him, “The standoffish part of the definition.”

“I still think that,” Dorcas shrugs with a smirk. “It’s just that now I know you’re really just a shy little puppy.”

Sirius blushes slightly but keeps his head high and a cool smile to hide it. “I’m private, not shy.”

“Shy little puppy,” she jokes, and as she suddenly remembers says, “oh, by the way, did James tell you we’re going shopping on Tuesday?”

“Nah, he’s been mad at me all day.”

“You know we’re all just worried, babe.”

“There’s no need to worry,” Sirius sing-songs.

He’s looking at his boots rather than at Dorcas who seems about to keep going before Remus can catch her eyes and shake his head. Discreetly, but not discreetly enough for Dorcas not to see it, Remus reaches out and brushes his hand against the back of Sirius’. She smiles knowingly.

“What’s the shopping occasion?” he asks lightly.

The smile that has been so long to come to Sirius’ lips creeps back on as he moves his glass to the other hand and holds Remus’.

“Six months in therapy, woohoo!” Dorcas says with exaggerated gestures. “And Lil’s gonna be MIA for two weeks so it’s the last time we can all really hang ‘til she’s done with exams. You want in?”

“I’m working Tuesdays afternoons,” Remus says apologetically, “but thanks.”

“Oh, where do you work?”

“An independent bookshop in Soho.”

“Fancy! That sounds really cool.”

“Yeah, it’s great, really.”

“You can always catch up with us later, yeah? We’ll probs be out ‘til late evening.”

Remus smiles warmly at her. “Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind,” he adds, glancing at Sirius to see he’s amused by the whole thing. Their eyes meet and Sirius raises an eyebrow at him, and Remus knows there’s a part of him that’s saying stealing my friends, are you?

“O-kay, I’m gonna let you two hang for a bit. Later!”

Sirius laughs softly, waving her off. He shifts to give Remus unwanted space but keeps his hand in Remus’.

“All right there,” he indeed says, “making plans with my friends?”

“I try to fend them off but what can I say, they love me.”

“Told you they would.”

Remus grimaces at him and Sirius laughs again. He leans back against the window, his head on the edge of it. He looks gorgeous but more importantly, he looks like he could fall any second and Remus can’t help telling him to be careful. Sirius laughs again.

“Sorry,” he says, straightening up against the window.

“And you live on the fifth floor, too,” Remus mumbles, “that’s not just a broken arm.”

Sirius smiles. “You said you got called Moony for climbing out of window, though. Was that a first floor thing?”

“Third,” Remus recalls. “Desperate times, desperate measures,” he wraps up quickly. “By the way, I had to tell you something,” he says pointing to the angry zigzagged scratches on his forearm.

They are shallow cuts, hardly stings him at all, but Sirius still makes a sympathetic sound at the sight.

“Cats?”

“Yeah. According to Peter you’re their manager and the fault is yours.”

“What did you do to warrant the attack?”

“I tried to put them in James and Lily’s room.”

“Together or separately?”

“Hm?” Remus furrows his brows.

“Did you pick them up at the same time?” Sirius rephrases patiently.

“I think I picked up the brown one first -”

“Patroclus,” Sirius cuts over him, “bad idea. Achilles doesn’t like that.”

Remus just stares at him, dumbfounded.

“What?” Sirius says defensively. “They got their names for a reason. Achilles would fight a lion if it looked at Patroclus wrong. Let alone tried to pull them apart.”

Remus whistles lowly, shaking his head but smiling anyway. “Your place is ridiculous.”

“You like it.”

“I do,” he admits. “Your friends are really cool.”

“I thought that was a bad thing.”

Remus groans. “Stop it. I meant - you know what I meant.”

Sirius laughs quietly and shoves Remus playfully. Remus pushes him back, a mini war breaking out as the shoves become jabs in the ribs that results in an outburst of giggles.

“Stop it,” Remus whines after a particularly ticklish poke to his ribs.

Sirius relents. “Oh, come look at this,” he says instead.

He takes Remus’ hand and leads him through the house, avoiding people with strained, busy smiles until they come to a corner in the corridor. A trestle table adorned with paper streamers and a tin of felt tip markers greets them. A small paper sign hangs over the edge of the table, neat letters spelling out the three words that make Remus laugh until he cries.

Working Class Corner.

“Peter is amazing,” Remus says through fits of laughter.

“I told you, he was really taken with the idea.”

“I can’t believe I haven’t seen this.”

“I’ve been told your phone kept you busy.”

Remus’ laughter dies down to a chuckle. “Yeah,” he admits.

“Let’s see what people have drawn so far,”

The notepad on the table is unsurprisingly decorated with crude drawings, some condemning the capitalist society - “That’s probably Lily,” Sirius smiles - and others small doodles of Karl Marx himself.

“I’m a little concerned about what kind of things Peter is teaching his students,” Remus says as he picks up a black marker.

Sirius shrugs, also grabbing a marker. “Revolt formulations, most likely. Best strategies for overthrowing the bourgeoisie. The usual stuff you learn in primary school.”

“I definitely don’t remember that.”

Sirius holds up his quick drawing to Remus, a stick figure in overalls milking a cow, an arrow pointing to the figure and labelled as REMUS.

“That’s probably why you’ll stay working class,” Sirius says tongue-in-cheek.

Remus shows his drawing, which Sirius immediately grabs and laughs at. It’s a poorly drawn sad stick figure wearing a crown, floating atop a castle while three figures stand at the foot of the castle with torches. The crown reads SIRIUS.

“I’m framing this,” Sirius says. “Although I hope you don’t have ambitions to illustrate your children’s books.”

Remus sticks out his tongue. “I’d commission you, but I don’t think you need the money.”

“As if I’d do art for the money,” Sirius says haughtily. “I’m a true artist, sir. We scoff at trivialities such as money.”

“Because I totally want to write children’s books for the money,” Remus rolls his eyes.

“‘Course not.” Sirius flashes him a grin - a gorgeous grin that goes straight from Remus' eyes to Remus' stomach, making him grin back before Sirius is even done with his joke. “You’ve got worker’s integrity and passion.”

“Worker’s passion,” Remus repeats. “I guess that’s why I also waste my time working at a bookshop. Not just any bookshop,” he adds, “a Jewish bookshop. It’s rare we see anyone under seventy coming in.”

“What does that make you, then?”

Remus smirks. “Seventeen.”

“Oh my God, you. Did. Not.”

“No, you’re meant to say, ‘how long have you been seventeen?’”

“I refuse. You can’t make me.”

Remus does his best to look heartbroken, but Sirius doesn’t give in. “I draw the line at Twilight and Frozen.”

Remus pauses. “I think you need to let it go,” he deadpans.

Sirius just stares at him for a second before bursting into laughter.

****

They begin a parody of communism in which Remus ends up with half of Sirius’ rings and Sirius with his jumper. Their dilemma over Remus’ last year’s summer music festival bracelets, that Sirius is dramatically calling to be cut in equal pieces, attracts attention and other people start to participate. They meet each other's eyes over the people drawing and the judging which items are equivalent to which, and silently decide to go back to their little corner by the window.

The corridor had shielded them from the worst of the music but as they walk back, the raucous singing and dancing are just as animated as ever. Sirius leaves for a moment to get them fizzy drinks and Remus takes advantage of that time to try to adjust to the loudness of the room, pushing his fingers in his ears to modulate the sounds around him.

“All right?” Sirius asks as he plops back down, handing him a glass.

“Yeah," Remus says looking up. "My party energy is leaving me a bit.”

Sirius checks the time on his phone with a grimace, “Yeah, they’re nowhere close to winding down.”

Remus grimaces back.

“If you want to sleep we can find you a quiet spot,” Sirius kindly offers.

“Aw, I’m not tired, love, don’t worry. Aren’t you, though?”

Sirius shakes his head. “I’ve been drinking coffee all day.”

“I’m not sure that’s good for you,” Remus snorts, reaching for Sirius’ hand.

He’s still wearing Sirius’ rings, one of them on his pinky finger and the other two stuck on the second phalanges of his index finger. Sirius’ hands look empty without them and Remus’ hands look silly with them on.

“Can I?”

“Only if you’ve prepared your vows.”

They laugh and Remus twists one ring after the other off his fingers, theatrically asking for Sirius’ hand. Sirius puts up each appropriate finger for Remus to slip the rings on, and it all feels a bit silly but at the same time, Remus can’t help but smile. When he looks up to Sirius, he’s grinning too.

****

By the time they’re interrupted again, Remus doesn’t even feel like kicking a chair. They look up at one of the redhead’s delighted grin.

“Toast time,” the boy says handing them a tray of sugar coated shot glasses for them to pick from.

Sirius takes two and hands one to Remus and just like that the redhead is gone. With a look around, Remus sees everyone has quieted down and is looking intently at the centre of the room where Lily is standing. She pulls her crop top down nervously but her smile shows how pleased she is with the attention. Peter’s arm around her and the matching grin on his face puzzles Remus but he’s happy to go along with the madness. So far, all the surprises have turned out great in the end.

“Everyone,” Peter starts, “this is the last party of the school year!”

Cheers rise already and Remus sees a few of the guests have downed their shots at that, laughing as they take another from the trays around the room.

“And once again I’m the last one of this fucking house with exams!” Lily adds and downs hers.

She’s resupplied by James who kisses her head and adds his arm around her.

“So let’s hear it for Lily Evans!” James booms and the cheers are louder, accompanied by foot taps that Sirius heavily participates in. “And we’ll see all of you nerds in June!”

“To Summer Hols!” Peter cheers and is followed by the whole room.

Remus laughs, belatedly adding his voice to the others. Sirius’ turns back to him, getting his attention with a squeeze of his hand and they toast together before downing their shots. The burn of vodka has Remus laughing again and when he opens his eyes, Sirius is smiling at him. Smiling, smiling, and then he’s tilting his head and kissing Remus’ cheek.

Remus licks his lips, whispering to Sirius' ear now that the music has started loudly again. “If that's what one shot does to you I’m gonna get you another.”

Sirius snorts, staying close to him but not looking in his eyes long enough that Remus shifts to see the blush on his cheeks. When Sirius notices what he’s doing, he shakes his head and makes a show of getting up. Remus pulls him back down.

Now that they’ve really started talking, it feels as easy as texting does. They have so much to share on every subject that nothing keeps their attention and they're jumping from one subject to the next, jokes flowing easily between them, and Sirius' laugh so beautiful - head thrown back, grinning for a few seconds afterward - that Remus never wants the night to stop. They're interrupted once or twice by their friends but mostly they're left alone and if it wasn't for the loud music sometimes forcing them to whisper into each other's ears, Remus would have happily forgotten they existed.

****

“So, it’s a musical kind of flat.”

Remus snorts. “Sort of, yeah. I can’t sing like Marls or Alice but yeah, I like music a lot.”

Sirius pushes his index against the summer festival band for another circle around Remus’ wrist. He’s been doing that for a while now, mechanically at first and then for fun now that Remus playfully catches his hand in his at every turn.

“I wanted to be a DJ for a while,” Remus adds.

“Not anymore?”

“Nah, I didn’t realize how much clubbing it involved.” Sirius laughs at him so Remus keeps on telling him about the jobs he had wanted to have. “I really wanted to be the ringer of bells as a kid, too.”

“Prince of Ababwa, as well?”

“If the title came with the genie, totally.”

****

“I wasn’t allowed to watch Disney movies as a-"

“Oh my god. Why.”

Sirius shrugs. “Too American. So I binge watched them at James’ and now it’s totally a worth-test thing.”

“Am I worthy then?”

“I thought I’d have to talk you into it,” Sirius smiles coyly. “But yeah, you are.”

“Let’s see if I can talk you into watching Frozen.”

“Lily’s been trying for months, Moony, you haven’t got a chance.”

Remus smirks. “Mm-mm, we’ll see.”

****

“There is no way, no way, it’s about depression, Moony. It’s a rushed, stupid, fucking snowman-talking piece of shit movie. It’s as bad as those yellow little shits –”

“Fine!” Remus breaks into a laugh, “all right, I’m not saying it’s as good as-”

“That’s because it sucks!”

“You suck!”

“Not before the third date.”

Remus’ laugh starts Sirius’ and it’s a while before they can find a conversation topic that doesn’t quickly end on the same silly joke.

****

“Yeah, one of my co-workers at Waterstones was like, ‘twenty-three shots for your twenty-third birthday!’ and the way I looked at her she asked me if my religion allowed me to drink. Never mind that we've had pints after work a few times already.”

“We don’t have them that often,” Sirius amends looking around, “big ones like these, I mean. Maybe once a month. This one is the second this month, but it’s an exception.”

“Do exception happens often?”

“Only on birthday months. When is yours?”

“June?”

“Oh. Well, now, it's every month.”

Remus rolls his eyes but his stomach warms up at the thought of being so easily integrated in the schedule.

****

One of the guests - Remus doesn’t think he’s ever been introduced to this person - comes around to gather their empty glasses, and only then Remus realizes they’ve been talking for a couple of hours and he could use something to drink.

“Time for martinis,” Sirius declares when Remus talks of taking a break for water. Sirius' eyes are twinkling despite the darkness of the room, and his eager hands drag Remus up and to the kitchen.

Sirius dances on the spot as he gathers up the items. Remus has joked about his dance moves when they were sitting, Sirius moving his shoulders and head to the rhythm of the music blasting around them. As he's mixing the glass of gin and vermouth with a spoon, Remus can see he’s also mouthing along to the song that’s playing in the other room.

“Wanna dance?”

Sirius takes the ice out of the two martini glasses and looks up to him. “You want to?”

“No,” Remus snorts, “but I don’t mind if you do. I’ll go talk to all my new friends.”

Sirius smiles and strains the liquid in the glasses. “Maybe later,” he adds, looking around until his eyes stop on the limes they specifically went shopping for earlier. “D’you like lime?”

“Yep. Better than lemon, actually,” Remus offers as he hoists himself up the kitchen counter and accepts the glass.

Sirius frowns. “Get down, you’re already tall enough as it is.”

Remus pats Sirius’ head with a grin that has Sirius looking furiously up at him, threateningly waving the vegetable peeler.

“I dare you to do that again,” he says coldly.

Remus doesn’t need to be told twice.

Sirius loudly calling for James is not the danger he expects but one Remus still somewhat fears. Sirius squeezes the lime peel in one glass and the other before James appears.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Come here a sec, would you?”

James takes a look at Remus before nodding and coming close to Sirius. Remus takes his promised martini in hand as he watches Sirius get behind James, fluid, practiced moves having him on James’ shoulders in no time.

“Fight me now, you fucking giant!”

Remus laughs so hard martini spills on his jeans. Sirius climbs off James’ back with a victorious grin and Remus good-willingly gets off the counter. This is probably the exact moment, Remus thinks, that he’ll pinpoint as when he started falling in love.

****

In the end, a hug does the trick for having Remus forgiven and they enjoy their martinis by the window, on what is now their piece of furniture, where Sirius can tell him the gossip about everyone in the room while discreetly pointing at them. James has left them alone without another Disney quiz, hasn’t even said a word to Remus really, but he’s laughing with other friends so Remus considers that he’s not ruined the night for him.

Sirius does go back to dancing, kissing Remus’ cheek again before he leaves and promising to come back in a few songs. Remus reassures him that he’ll be fine, kisses Sirius' cheek as well, which gets Sirius blushing and turns into another hug. One whole song actually goes by before Sirius joins his friends.

Remus allows himself a long happy grin with his back turned from the crowd before he walks to Alice.

“Well, well, well,” she says, “someone’s night turned around.”

“Don’t be jealous, Eponine.”

“Hey, don’t say that. If anything, I’m Enjolras waiting for your Marius to stop fucking around and focus on the Revolution in my life.”

Remus laughs. “How were rehearsals today, anyway? I forgot to ask.”

“Yeah, you forgot.” Remus bumps his shoulder to hers. “It was great. Exhausting, but it’s going to be amazing. I can’t believe how the people who are staying do it, going straight into the evening show afterward like that, it’s got to be some next level witchcraft.”

“And you’re gonna be doing just that next year when it’s your turn to show the new kids the ropes.”

“If I get to stay two years.”

“You will, Eponine,” he says and Alice grins at him. “So,” Remus starts, wanting to look at his feet to be bringing up the subject again but Alice makes a knowing sound, “what d’you think about him?”

“Well, he’s really pretty. Like, wow.”

“Yeah,” Remus breathes. “It’s a bit surreal.”

“Does he model? I can see him do the whole Calvin Klein underwear thing.”

Remus rolls his eyes but says quite genuinely, “Wouldn’t surprise me.”

“You usually go for the quiet type, though.”

Remus frowns, trying to see it from Alice’s perspective. Sirius’ friends and the happy carefree dancing don’t really do justice to the boy who blushes when he kisses Remus’ cheek.

“I think he is,” Remus says, “maybe not the introvert kind but…”

Alice hums. “Marls and I were talking about leaving in about an hour, are you staying the night?”

“No, no. I’ll go with you guys.”

Alice gives him a smile that tells him she doesn’t believe that one second. Remus wants to tell her about the three dates rule but Lily cuts in.

“I’m really drunk,” is the first thing she says, “do you guys wanna get shots with me?” is the second as she leans onto Remus for balance.

“Hell yeah,” Alice grins. “I’m not working tomorrow and I’m gonna take advantage of that.”

“I’ll pass,” Remus says, “I’ll have to be sober if I have to carry you home.”

Alice laughs but Lily frowns, finding his eyes with difficulty. “You’re not staying the night, love?”

“No? We’re going back to Dorcas’.”

Lily frowns some more. “You guys can totally stay, though. We usually just put sleeping bags everywhere and cushions and stuff and then people sleep on it and stuff. It’s totally cool. Dorcas and Marls only go home because they want to do the do. Also- also,” she says in a whisper, “they don’t like to party late. Grandmas, the both of them. You’ve got to help me keep them here. We’ll dance. We’ll dance a lot and that’ll keep them here.” Remus laughs. Lily grins at him and snuggles at his side. “I like you. Please stay. I like you too,” she adds to Alice, “your eyebrows are so pretty. She song me a sang,” she sputters to Remus with admiration, “did you know she’s going to be Eponine on the West End?”

Remus goes a bit wide-eyed, nodding in an exaggerated manner that it’s a very exciting job that Alice has.

“Thanks, love,” Alice laughs. “Sure about that shot?”

“Yeah, I’ve had water and James did something to the time so I wouldn’t be sick.”

“James did something to the time,” Alice repeats, laughing as she leads the way to the drinks table. Since Lily is attached to his waist, Remus follows. “What d’ya wanna drink, then?”

“Oooh tequila. Tequila and lemon. My favourite.”

The preparation gathers people around them, and then there’s more shots being prepared and one of them is pushed into Remus’ hand along with the saltshaker. He applies some to the back of his hand and counts back the four beers, one martini and one shot. He tries to remember the last time he drank anything beyond a pint at the pub by his old workplace. It must have been before he could even legally drink.

Next thing he knows, Remus is being led to the dancing side of the room by a drunk but very determined Lily who puts his hands to her waist and tells him to follow along. He follows along for two moves, very conscious of what he’s doing despite the alcohol in him, and very conscious that this is something he’s not going to be able to escape if he dates Sirius. Which sounds bad for all of a second before Sirius cuts in to make this a three people dance group and grins at him.

Remus thinks he can dance for that smile.

****

He dances for more than two songs without wanting to die of embarrassment and then the effects of the tequila are clearing up. When he sees him look for an escape, Sirius shakes his head dangerously, tightening his grip on Remus’ hands to place them on his hips. The height difference would make Remus joke, but Sirius plays with it, his smile partially hidden in Remus’ neck when his grey eyes are not meeting his. Remus holds him close, hands sliding on Sirius’ shirt to the rhythm of Sirius’ moves, his shame at his lack of coordination lessening as they don’t dance as much as they move together. His right hand unintentionally slides under Sirius’ shirt when Sirius moves closer him, his fingers touching the sweat-slicked skin on Sirius’ lower back. Sirius leans back into the touch for a second before moving away from it.

“Huh,” he starts.

“This isn’t flirting,” Remus reassures quickly, “totally no-homo.”

Sirius laughs, making Remus want to kiss the crease of his eyes and the corner of his lips and not take his mouth off Sirius’ for a song or two.

“Right,” Sirius hums, “no-homo.”

“Full bi.”

Sirius laughs again and this time Remus doesn’t resist, kisses his cheek. Sirius smiles bigger.

“That all right?”

“Yeah, Moony,” he rises on his tiptoes but Remus playfully straightens up to stay out of reach. Sirius makes a face at him as he stands back down. “Never mind, I hate you.”

“Mmm, not sure you mean that.”

“I totally do.”

Sirius rests his head on his shoulder. “Totally don’t,” Remus whispers in his ear. He kisses Sirius’ temple and Sirius mumbles something back. “Want me to back off?” Remus asks to be sure.

“No but… wanna sit down for a minute?”

Sirius decides before Remus can agree, leading him with the hand he’s holding. Sirius stops just as they leave the dancing group to ask Remus if he wants a glass of water and then they’re in the kitchen again. They escape another group taking shots, barely, and find their way back to the living room to discover their spot by the window has been reclaimed. They retreat to a patch of the sofa that’s not occupied. Next to them, a couple is acquainting themselves with each other’s mouths and Remus wonders how sitting next to that is any better than some flirtatious dancing.

“Everything all right?” He asks as they settle close, Sirius' legs almost over his. “I crossed a line, didn’t I?”

Sirius shakes his head.

“No,” he says after a second. “Not really.”

“That’s one no too many.”

“Ah - yeah.” Sirius takes a sip of water and Remus follows his lead. “Um, are we -”

“What?” Remus asks softly, playing with the fingers in his. “I’m sorry if it bothered you.”

Sirius shakes his head again. “I didn’t mind,” he promises, “I’d just like it to be clear that… This is a bit awkward,” he sighs. “But you know we’re not having sex, right?”

Remus snorts, reassured. “Yeah, love, I know. Sex without kissing sounds a bit weird, anyway.”

“Huh?”

“The three dates rule?”

“Ah - yeah. Yeah, it’d be really weird.” Sirius has a small smile that’s hesitant as first and then he has one hand on one of Remus’ cheek and kisses the other. He leans back. “Is that okay with you then?”

Remus laughs. “Yeah, totally. But no under-shirts-touching, then?”

Sirius takes another sip and plays his teeth on the edge of the glass before he speaks. “No, I don’t mind that. I just - didn’t want you to feel led on.”

“Oh my God,” Remus tries to laugh, “really, don’t worry about that. I want my three dates first.”

“Oh.”

Sirius stills, a slow smile blooming on his lips. Remus kisses his cheek, lingering there and giving him another peck before whispering, “Hug?” Sirius agrees and Remus has a lapful of the brightest star in the Earth’s night sky against him. It makes him grin in Sirius’ neck.

****

“Lily was right,” Sirius later says. They’ve been half cuddling, half talking, mostly playing with each other’s hands and exchanging smiles that are so very not No-Homo Remus has a hard time getting his eyes off Sirius’ lips. “You really are beautiful.”

Remus snorts, not beautiful in the slightest, and looks at the dancing group. “Right.”

“You have to accept the compliments, Moony,” Sirius laughs, “you’ve been paying them to me all night.”

“Have I?” Remus mumbles, trying to remember what he’s said and what he’s only thought of.

“And you’ve been looking at me like you want to pay me compliments. One of the ways it was described to me is, ‘he’s looking at you like he’s going to eat you up’.”

“Run fast and far, little red riding hood,” Remus mutters, shaking his head. “Sorry,” he catches himself, “that’s -”

“Cute,” Sirius smiles. “You often make those references?”

“Too often for some people’s taste.” Sirius is still smiling when Remus finally looks back to him. “But yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to stare.”

“I don’t mind,” Sirius says. There’s no blushing this time but his eyes shyly look away from Remus’. “It’s cute.”

“You’re cute.”

Sirius grins. Remus grins back.

****

The party never seems to wind down. A few people have left, interrupting their conversation to say goodbye to Sirius, some of them slung over their friends’ shoulders. But the music is still going past two in the morning, and if they don’t run out of things to say, Remus notices Sirius’ yawns get closer in between by the hours. He has settled onto Remus’ chest at some point, finding a way to fit his body between them and the three people who’ve sat down. Then sometime ago he’s given out a content sigh and it’s the last Remus has heard of him. He’s quite certain Sirius has or is falling asleep, and he’s reluctant to move to find out. So he stays as he is, running soothing lines up and down Sirius’ back, feeling himself doze off as well.

James comes up to them before Remus can decide if he should really let himself fall asleep, comfortably settled under Sirius’ warm weight, or if he should risk waking Sirius up and ending their evening together here. James goes for the second option without a second thought.

“Let’s get you to your room,” he tells Sirius once he’s softly shaken him awake.

Sirius rubs his eyes, slowly getting out of Remus’ embrace. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly.

“I’m surprised you even stayed awake that long,” Remus smiles.

“It was a battle. Doesn’t help that you’re so comfortable.”

Sirius rises from the couch shakily, slightly swaying on his tired feet. He nods James' help off with a shared smile and stretches like a cat as Remus gets up as well.

“Better than any bed?”

“Hm,” Sirius mock thinks. “Maybe not better than my bed. My bed is a haven.”

“I’d have to test it myself,” Remus says without thinking. He quickly backtracks. “Not any time soon, though.”

Sirius raises an eyebrow. “No? I was hoping tonight, actually.”

“What?” Remus blinks.

Sirius laughs, a little self consciously as he rubs his arm nervously. “I just meant that, um, you can stay over tonight.”

“Oh, yeah. Lily said.”

“Well,” Sirius tries not to sound exasperated, “you’re welcome to sleep in my bed. With me. Unless you’d like to sleep on the floor.”

“Oh, it’s a tough decision,” Remus taps his chin. “I might have to sleep in your bed. With you. Or else a twisted girl will probably come in and kill you in your sleep.”

Sirius glares at him, or as much as his tired eyes can glare, muttering something about Remus being an arsehole, who will be sleeping on the floor if he keeps this up, but tugs at his hand anyway.

“I’m going to let them know that I’m going to bed, then I’ll come back to get you.”

While Sirius says his goodnight to his friends, Remus catches sight of Alice, drunker but giving him a smug ‘I-told-you-so’ look all the same.

“Sooooo…” Alice mocks with a smile. “I take it you’re not leaving with us.”

Remus grins. “Don’t think so, no.”

Alice rolls her eyes and smiles and Remus smiles back and hugs her good night.

****

Sirius’ bedroom is the only room Remus hasn’t been into yet. There’s something very symbolic in that and Remus’ literature-wired mind likes it. Sirius leaves him there after a few questions about pyjamas and toothbrushes, and Remus takes the time he has alone to study the display of pictures.

They take the entire wall and after a second Remus notices they’re organised in a chronological order. There are pictures of baby-faced James and Sirius grinning for someone. Pictures of school uniforms and more of football matches. Pictures Remus guesses have been printed after being taken with a phone - selfies and grainy, darkly lit parties, pictures of birthdays but not only Sirius’. Pictures of holidays and pictures of a brown family Remus easily guesses is James’ but who are posing and looking fondly with and at Sirius just the same. Near that wall is a collection of postcards, the cities depicted telling Remus the sender must be Patches. Then there is a mirrored closet, taking so much space that it could be a walk in, and that doesn’t surprise Remus the least.

He has had time to change into the tee shirt and pyjamas bottom Sirius has taken out for him before Sirius finally comes back, looking sleepier than before now that he’s in comfortable clothes. He still leads Remus back to the bathroom and gives him a toothbrush before yawning and saying he’ll wait for him in his bedroom. Remus only forgets to make a joke at this because he’s thinking of lovingly kissing his forehead and wishing him goodnight here and now.

However when he gets back in the bedroom, Sirius is still awake, looking through his twitter feed.

“Bella’s live tweeting Patches’ party.”

“Which one’s Bella?”

“Bellatrix. The one who likes her alcohol.”

“Ah, right. Anything interesting?”

“She says she’s gotten five different boys to fetch her drinks so far. Mm, a twitpic of Ann feeding the dogs in high heels. Here,” he says, “you can see her mother in the background. I can practically hear her scream.”

Sirius hands him the phone for him to see better and as Remus goes back to her timeline, he has time to read out ‘How funny would it be if the macarena came on rn?’ and ‘Update: even my grandparents know the moves. Wtf.’ before Sirius yawns twice in a row.

Remus chuckles fondly. “All right, let’s get you tucked in.”

Sirius doesn’t need to be told twice to put his phone on the bedside table and to turn off the light. Remus leaves the side of the cover Sirius is offering by his feet, looking at the ceiling for the first time. There are glowing stars. Planets. The whole solar system is up there.

“Oh my God.”

Sirius laughs when he sees what he’s looking at. “I’ve had them forever.”

“Well, yeah, you’re fucking named after them,” Remus whispers.

Sirius finds his hand to hold. “You have nothing about your name?”

“Some old maps of Rome in my mum’s house. Not so much about my name as about her memories of the place.”

“Aw, no Lego build of the Colosseum?”

Remus laughs. “No, but now I want one.”

“Noted,” Sirius smiles at him in the dark. Remus smiles back. “Cuddles?”

Remus nods, shifting together until he’s holding Sirius against his chest. He brushes Sirius’ hair out of his neck.

“Mm, what did you put in it?”

“Mm, after-sun product,” Sirius whispers back.

Remus grins, kissing the patch of skin under his mouth. “Smells good.”

“I always smell good. That’s what Peter says.”

“Does Peter smell you often?”

“Like a dog,” Sirius nuzzles to his pillow. “Always sniffin’ ‘round.”

“I thought you were the one named after a dog star?” Remus teases, but his only reply is a soft snore and even breaths.

Remus closes his eyes, settling comfortably against Sirius and smiles up until he falls asleep.

****

Remus has no idea what time it is. What he does know, however, is that he’d kill for a cup of tea but Sirius hasn’t stirred at all since Remus has woken up. He slowly reaches over Sirius to get Sirius’ phone, painfully learning that it’s barely past eight in the morning. He knows who’s to blame for this.

He thinks of waking Sirius to have him suffer through it with him but the last two short nights Sirius has had, with no naps mentioned, makes Remus feel bad for thinking about it.

In the end, he gets up without Sirius noticing, pulls the pyjamas bottoms and his shirt back on, and after a detour by the loo, heads to the kitchen. He knows where the kettle and the tea are, but it’s a surprise to find he’s not the first one to be up.

“Morning,” he says brightly to James.

James nods and hums his greeting, focusing extra hard on whatever it is he’s watching on his computer so Remus goes through the motion of making tea for two. But the words to ask James how he takes his tea stay stuck in his throat when he notices James is watching Lilo and Stitch. He stifles his laugh and puts the cup by James’ elbow.

“Mind if I join you for a bit? Sirius is still asleep.”

James gestures to the chair. “I’ve only seen it once.” Remus is not sure what he’s justifying, if it’s the watching or the losing. “Sirius and Lily prefer the ones with the singing.”

“It’s a running joke between Alice and I,” Remus explains. “I called her Lilo once and now it’s a thing.”

James doesn’t seem any fonder of him but he does stop watching the movie and exchanges pleasantries about the party with him. After Remus has had his cup of tea, he’s led into cleaning up the kitchen, chasing plastic cups and putting them in bins, tip-toeing around Dorcas and Marlene on the couch and washing up shot glasses with James hovering at his side. Sirius and his plan to get James to like him again got more and more convoluted as the night went on and Remus only remembers the gist of it but he’s determined to succeed.

So he does the washing up and prepares James another cup of tea and when he’s offered an earbud, Remus marks it down as good progress.

****

“Sirius’s awake,” James tells him later when Stitch and Jumba are destroying Lilo and Nani’s house.

There's no noise from the house beside them, but Remus understands where the information comes from when James unlocks his phone.

Is Moony with you?

Yeah, you want me to send him back?

Remus is up before James can verbally explain.

“Does he like tea?” he asks, pointing to the teapot.

James takes a second to answer. “Nah, he likes coffee.”

James walks him through the painfully slow steps of making coffee in a French press and by the time Remus only has to wait thirty seconds more, he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet. James finally gives him the green light to press the plunger and Remus adds sugar and milk as instructed with a big happy smile to James, which isn’t reciprocated but there’s amusement in James’ eyes and Remus will take it. With that, he’s off to Sirius’ bedroom.

Sirius is still lying in bed but looks away from his phone and grins when Remus opens the door.

“Morning.”

“Morning,” Remus smiles, putting the cups down by Sirius’ side as Sirius sits up, “got your fancy French coffee.”

Sirius frowns, then laughs a little, “I don’t drink coffee in the morning.”

“James told me you did!”

“I asked him to buy me a few minutes,” Sirius fesses up.

Remus starts to ask what for when he notices Sirius’ hair is carefully brushed back in a braid and his face looks fresh and awake. He’s put his shirt back on but Remus can tell from the corner of his eyes that he’s still in his boxers.

“Tea, then?” He resigns himself.

Sirius bites his lip. “Neither, not really. I usually just have juice if James makes it,” he shrugs. “You can have it.”

“I’ve already had three,” Remus admits. “You’re definitely French, you know that.”

“I was trying to keep the illusion up.”

“It’s all right, Frenchie.”

Sirius makes a face at him but quickly turns it into a demanding pout. “Cuddles?”

Remus is more than happy to oblige.

They’re barely settled, Remus softly telling him about his morning with James when the same thing that happened during the night happens again.

“I swear, you’ve got a heater somewhere,” Remus complains as he pushes the cover away from them and shifts to remove his pyjama bottoms.

Sirius laughs. “It took me so long to remember why I didn’t have my clothes on this morning, you know?”

“You remember what you said to me? I was like, ‘love, I’m overheating, I’m going to take my shirt off’, and you were like, ‘I thought I was too cool for you’.”

Sirius laughs harder, the crinkle in his eyes so close Remus could kiss it.

“Yeah, I don’t remember that at all.”

“So you don’t remember me calling you an arsehole? That’s relieving.”

“And what did Alice think?” Sirius asks teasingly. “Did she think I was cool?” He doesn’t stop the mocking grin that spreads on his face.

“Not cool,” Remus says carefully. “Good looking, though.”

“Alice has good taste.”

Remus can’t help but smile in agreement. “She asked if you did modelling.”

"Wow.” Sirius playfully pokes Remus in the cheek, “I’m that good looking, am I?”

Remus swats away the hand playfully, poking Sirius back. “No, but honestly, did you ever think of it?”

Sirius looks at him quizzically before shaking his head. “I did a few photo-shoots for family friends when I was a kid,” he explains, “but Bella and Reg were the ones who really liked it. Reg does it full time, actually. He’s popular, too.”

“Is he as pretty as you?”

“I’m prettier,” Sirius says without missing a beat. He then looks around on his bedside table, to the desk on the side of the room and back on the other side of Remus. “Wait,” He says, moving over Remus, “I can show you his blog.”

He first moves over Remus without a second thought, skin brushing skin, but when Remus’ hand around Sirius' neck slides to his back, Sirius looks back with a cheeky smile. Once he’s got his computer in hand, Sirius snuggles back against Remus to power it up. Remus looks away as he types the password, looking back to find a background picture of a football team all in red.

“Oh my God.”

Sirius looks at him and back at the screen. He cringes. “Ah, yeah, shit. Hm, sorry?”

“I’m surprised there’s no team banners over your bed.”

“It’s in James’ room,” Sirius replies uneasily. “We alternate every Christmas.”

“Oh my God,” Remus repeats.

“It used to be in our dorm back in school, so it was the only compromise we could agree on. Lily wouldn’t let us use bunk beds anymore.”

Remus laughs, shaking his head slightly but in the end kissing Sirius’ temple. He can see Sirius’ smile without looking as Sirius clicks on the favourite on his bookmarks. The page that comes up is mostly white, with the name of Regulus Black in big bold letter as its header. Sirius has a small surprised ‘oh’ as the title of the first post reads En la Ciudad.

“I didn’t think he’d already have posted anything,” Sirius says softly, scrolling down.

The first picture is a somewhat generic overview of Barcelona but the second is three women standing against a metallic shop door, looking down and away from the camera. The one after that looks the same, except they’re all laughing. A few lines of text follows it and Sirius lingers on it. He looks up with a smile, as if to ask if Remus’ done reading.

“Can’t read that, love,” he says, unsure but daring a, “not all of us are froggies.”

Sirius frowns at the text. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize,” he clicks the ‘EN’ letters on the top corner. “I don’t make the distinction sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, once I was making fun of a tourist panel plaque because I thought it repeated the same text twice before realizing one of them was in French.”

Remus chuckles. “You’re making it so easy for me.”

“Shh,” Sirius says, showing the reloaded text again.

They say you can’t pick your family, but I wouldn’t change it if I could.

The next picture is of them all, toasting with the infamous sangria in a sun-drenched terrace. The last is of Sirius with his brother caught under his arm in a headlock, but both are laughing with the city behind them.

“You look happy,” Remus says carefully.

“It wasn’t a bad trip, overall,” Sirius keeps scrolling, eyes fixed on the screen. “I’m having lunch with my parents on Monday,” he adds lightly, “should be okay.”

Remus waits a second to try to decipher Sirius’ feelings, but Sirius’ face betrays nothing.

“I’m guessing James doesn’t know that bit.”

Sirius pauses his scrolling, looking up at Remus. “Best he doesn’t find out too soon.” Remus mimes zipping up his lips and throwing away the key while Sirius beams at him. “Thanks, Moony.”

He shows him a couple more posts, some of outfit of the day kind of posts, others full of pictures of Regulus’ everyday life in Paris. One of them is all about the brunch shared and another picture of Sirius.

Had brunch on my birthday with my older brother to remind him that time is passing and that he’ll have grey hair before I do.

“He looks a lot like you,” Remus comments absentmindedly as the last picture is a selfie of them in which their smile, eyes and the tan look of their skin are twins but Sirius’ hair in a bun contrasts with Patches’ short cut.

Sirius smiles at the picture before answering him. “But I’m the prettiest.”

“True,” Remus agrees with a kiss on his cheek. “I like your hair better.”

“He used to have long hair too,” Sirius tells him, "but when I left home, Mum was intent on him having nothing to do with me.”

“How did that turn out?”

“Well, he smiles to a camera for a living and left the family business for Cissy to deal with so… But I’m guessing that as long as it doesn’t go as far as I did to threaten to make a statement to the press that he’s too queer to marry straight, they’ll let him get away with it.”

Remus praises Sirius’ guts at the same time that he shakes his head at the idea that he’d have to. Sirius shrugs it off and scrolls three posts down to point out the mysterious NYC boyfriend.

“I sent him a friend request,” Sirius says jokingly. “Wonder if he accepted it.”

“You sent your brother’s boyfriend a friend request before you sent one to me,” Remus taunts.

Sirius snorts and opens a new tab. Remus spells out his last name which Sirius laughs at, claiming Remus’ parents had a “wicked sense of humour,” but when his profile comes up, Remus cringes a little at his profile picture. It’s quite standard even though his mother had tutted disapprovingly seeing as it showed him pulling a face, but now he realizes how stupid he must look to the gorgeous boy next to him.

“That was from a late night McDonald’s run,” he adds as a joke.

Sirius elbows him. “I was going to say that you look cute but never mind.”

Remus still manages to talk him into showing him his home page. Sirius’ profile shows him dressed to the nines in a suit much like the one he wore on Lily and James’ wedding pictures, lying on a bed with his long hair spread around his face. Remus shakes his head lightly. Sirius is so out of his league it's starting to be funny.

“It’s from my last birthday,” Sirius explains nonchalantly, “my parents sent us tickets to see Romeo and Juliet at the Globe. The card said that it wasn’t because I’d chosen to live in ‘the slums’ that I had to stop being cultured.”

“Is anything they do not passive-aggressive?”

Sirius laughs but it’s not bitter, “I’ll tell you if it ever happens.”

Remus points to the cover, a stylish picture of Sirius sitting on a bike with the helmet hiding his face and his long hair peeking out on his back. Sirius is just sitting there, really, and yet he’s making putting on biking gloves look like an advertisement campaign.

“Dorcas took that one,” Sirius explains. “I haven’t changed it in ages.”

“When was it?”

“Mmm, we had just finished saving up for the bike so… about one year ago.”

“Nice. You look cool,” Remus dares, smiling.

“There’s some pictures of me at fifteen on here,” Sirius laughs, “nothing cool about it. Is there,” he starts but then he looks up sheepishly, “I was going to ask if there were pictures of your tattoo on here but you could just-”

“God,” Remus says, moving to take off his shirt, “ok, let’s get it over with.”

“Oh my god,” is the only thing Sirius says and then he’s silent for a few seconds. “It’s…”

“It’s not that bad, come on. If your parents’ traditions were Sunday roasts instead of naming their son after the bloody brightest star in the sky,” Remus mumbles.

Sirius looks up to him curiously. “You knew that?”

“I googled it. All right,” he says turning over his shirt so he can put it back on.

Sirius shrugs casually. “You don’t have to,” he says, reaching to take hold of Remus’ wrist. “I don’t mind.”

“You sure?” Remus asks with a smirk.

Sirius shrugs, turning back to the screen with a smile. “You match my ceiling stickers.”

“Oh, good,” Remus laughs, “as long as I match the décor.”

Sirius hums. “It’s the only reason you’re here. To look pretty.”

Remus can’t stop the smirk that’s stuck on his face. “Are you saying I look pretty in your bed?”

Sirius groans, sinking lower to cover his head with his hands, but Remus laughs and tries to pull his arms apart, noticing and filing away for later the thoughts of how nice the bulge of Sirius’ arms is as Sirius resists him.

“Don’t make me up the number of dates,” Sirius says, trying to look threatening, but all Remus can think is how cute his pouting is. “Five dates before a kiss.”

“That’s fine,” Remus says airily. “More time for me to make friends with your friends.”

That gets Sirius’ arms off as Sirius laughs, “That’s your grand plan, mm?”

“Yep.”

Sirius raises a sceptical eyebrow to him and Remus grins, kissing Sirius’ forehead. Sirius seems to hesitate a few seconds before shyly pulling his shirt up on his stomach.

“And I do have a belly button piercing.”

Remus runs his hand over it, from soft skin to the bump of the warm metal, sliding on the side of Sirius’ stomach and brushing his hand up Sirius' ribs. “Pretty,” He says looking to Sirius’ smile.

Sirius' grin soften, leaning into his touch so he’s turning to Remus, slipping his arms around Remus’ neck. Remus takes his hand off to close the computer and there’s a moment of shuffling as Sirius puts it on the bedside and comes back to him, making a quick decision to take off his shirt as well.

He puts his hand back on Remus’ neck, pulling slightly until Remus is nose to nose against him. Remus kisses the corner of his mouth before settling a bit further away, running his hand up and down Sirius’ side.

“I was kidding, you know,” Sirius says softly.

“‘Bout what?”

“The three dates rule.”

“I know," Remus says, "but now it’s a thing.”

“Really?”

“Mmm.”

“So you’re not going to kiss me if I ask?”

“Not before the third date,” Remus smiles.

Sirius hooks his ankle over Remus’ leg, scooting closer again. “Really.”

Remus leans forehead-to-forehead, “Don’t make me call for James to chaperone us,” he whispers.

Sirius laughs, kissing the corner of Remus' mouth with a slight pout. “He’d do it, too.”

“I don’t even doubt it,” Remus grins.

Later, a soft knock at the door disrupts their quiet conversation, a tired and bleary-eyed Lily sticking her head through the door to greet them.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius asks, his voice edging on amusement.

“Jiffy,” Lily replies sarcastically, sticking her thumb up. “You need to make me crepes now so I can live through the day.”

Sirius sinks into the bed, snuggling closer into Remus. “But that would mean having to get up. Don’t wanna get up.”

She turns to look at Remus with her bloodshot eyes. “Please? Can you get him up?”

Remus laughs. “Sorry, Lily. I’m not too keen to be getting up either.”

Lily groans, shuffling into the room like some kind of zombie and trudging up to the bed.

“You brought this on yourself,” she mutters and grabs Sirius by the wrists, pulling him.

Lily has more strength than Remus would have given her credit for and Sirius’ body slides out of his embrace and the bed, dragging Remus with him onto the floor, the pair of them tangled up in a heap at Lily’s feet. Sirius hmphs! as he hits the carpet and rolls over on Remus’ stomach.

“Unfair,” he whines at her, but Lily looks determined.

“You’re out of bed now, time to make me breakfast. Everyone else is in there, it’s just you two lazy buggers.”

“I was up before,” Remus defends from the floor, but Lily doesn’t acknowledge his comment.

“Up!” she commands in a frightening tone, instantly shocking Remus to his feet, Sirius assembling himself beside him with a scowl.

She leaves the room after that but before Remus can suggest locking the door and continuing talking about their favourite Disney, Sirius hands him the pyjamas bottoms he’d borrowed.

“She’ll be back,” he says sulkily.

Remus laughs and complies.

****

The kitchen is the first room Remus has really taken the time to see when he came in. Now it’s the one room he feels the most comfortable in: the bright red kettle on the table and the cheerful green plants scattered all over the counters soothingly homely.

The kitchen table is busy with people, but only ones Remus recognizes. Dorcas is pouring tea for Lily, who is getting cuddles from James whilst Marlene and Alice are manoeuvring around the table expertly distributing plates to everyone.

“Finally!” Peter shouts from the stove. “Come help with this!”

There’s a chorus of good morning, some strong and some tinged with a hangover as Remus pulls a chair out at the table and Sirius weaves his way through to Peter.

Alice pinches his arm as he sits down, grumbling incoherently but Remus can vaguely make out Stitch.

“I see you stayed, then,” Remus says. Alice starts to nod and then thinks better of it.

"Couldn’t walk in a straight line.”

“And I wasn’t about to guide two drunk people home,” Dorcas leans over to tell him. “Marlene is enough of a handful.”

“I am not!” Marlene plunks themselves onto Dorcas’ lap, a bottle of mango juice in hand.

Dorcas taps her glass onto the lip of the bottle and Marlene pours. “Tell me when to stop!”

“When,” Dorcas says calmly before the juice can spill over the edge, sliding the glass down to Remus and holding the next glass up for Marlene to pour.

Alice takes Remus’ glass and downs the juice in one go, swiping the back of her hand over her mouth when she’s done. “I bet you had a great night’s sleep,” she says suggestively.

“It was hot and cramped,” Remus tries to complain, but Alice’s giggles tell him that he has not convinced her. “It was quite nice,” he says under his breath.

“Here we go!” Peter’s voice shouts over them and a large plate of crepes is placed in the middle of the table. “Dig in.”

“If any look dodgy, then those are the ones Pete cooked,” Sirius warns as he collects the jam and the Nutella jar from the countertops.

“I’m getting better!” Peter says, wounded.

“Not as good as Sirius, though,” Lily says fairly. “Which is why I dared to disturb the cuddling sesh.”

“Bet you had to drag him kicking and screaming,” James mumbles as they share a quick kiss.

“Not far from it.”

James folds up the newspaper, slipping it under his thigh so he can take a plate and a load of crepes, watching Remus from over the frame of his glasses. Remus squirms in his seat slightly, suddenly flustered by James’ gaze, still unsure whether they’re friends or not.

But then James smiles, even though not quite as broad as it was the day before and Remus sighs in relief.

He shuffles over to let Sirius sit next to him, but Sirius stops dead in his tracks.

“Presents!”

James groans while Marlene perks up. “Did he say presents?” They call after him.

“I believe he did,” Dorcas replies with a smile.

Sirius comes back into the kitchen holding the Nike bag he’d been carrying the day before.

“Now, no one come rushing in,” he says grinning coyly. “I’m doing this Santa Claus style. Wait your turn.”

Marlene pouts at this, but remains firmly seated on Dorcas’ lap.

“First,” Sirius announces, rummaging through the bag, “for my wife, Lily-”

“My wife!” James interjects.

“For our wife, Lily, a necklace – I thought of a ring but since you’d have to take it off for your future surgeries, Ma’am the Doctor, this should make you happy just the same.”

Lily agrees cheerily and jumps from her seat, taking the small box from Sirius’ hands and opening it excitedly. She gasps, squealing as she pulls the jewel from its box and into Sirius’ hands, urging him to put it on her.

“I thought it would match your eyes,” Sirius says, quite unnecessarily Remus thinks.

The little emerald beads on the gold chain, even from the distance, shine like Lily’s eyes, and her grin only adds to the lovely sight that Dorcas is discreetly snapping away on her phone.

“Secondly, for my husband, James.”

“Ooh, is that finally a proposal?” Lily grins, fingers still on her expensive gift.

The laughter is shared by everyone at the quip and, good-humouredly, Sirius theatrically gets on one knee as he holds out a box to James, who looks very unimpressed. Sirius shakes the box impatiently.

“You can wait ‘til Christmas if you’re going to be such a sour puss,” Sirius tells him and that gets James to look.

“Oh,” he says surprised, his usual broad grin slowly making its way onto his face.

Sirius rolls his eyes when James snatches the Nike box from his hand and thumps James on the back. “Yeah, you’re welcome.”

James tears off the cardboard in a hurry, getting out a watch that he coos at from every angle before fervidly pulling out its instructions from the box.

“For Dorcas," Sirius continues, "the latest from Chanel.”

He hands Dorcas a large square box that she reverently opens, carefully unfolding the paper protecting the clothe on a black dress.

“For your grand debut at Cannes next year,” Sirius smiles when she still looks bewildered. “Or the one after that. It’s a classic.”

“I’ll never get used to it,” she whispers. “Is your family Mafia or something? How else are they so rich?”

“Who cares?” Marlene says from her lap. “What’s my present, Pads?”

“You tell me,” he says.

Sirius hands them over a miniature statue, and Marlene’s fingers feel over the cool metal expertly.

“A man on a horse,” they say certainly.

“Not just any man,” Sirius says. “Count Ramon Berenguer. The third.”

“I don’t know who that is,” Marlene says blandly, “but he feels good. Oh, shush!”

Peter had burst into giggles, but now looks at Sirius expectantly.

“What are you looking at?” Sirius says with a devilish grin, “Santa’s got nothing for you.”

Remus can practically see Peter’s jaw drop.

“Why not!” he whines indignantly.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sirius says sarcastically, tapping his chin in mock contemplation. “Probably because of some Sonic video being shown to the general public -”

“Just Remus,” Peter tries to appease.

“Um,” Remus pipes up quietly. “We did… There was a crowd that gathered.”

Sirius gestures his hand to Remus. “Exactly as I thought.”

“Oh, come on,” Peter nearly begs but Sirius just shakes his head. Peter throws up his arms. “Fine. No present, no girlfriend -”

“But at least you have your health,” Marlene offers, unable to see the glare Peter shoots them.

“Don’t worry, Pete,” Sirius tries to reassure his pouting face, “I didn’t get Alice anything either. Sorry, I didn’t expect you,” he tells her.

“Oh, that’s okay!” she says. “Thanks for the invite in the first place.”

Sirius bows at her slightly, turning back to his bag one last time and pulling out a shirt. “As promised,” he winks at Remus, but Remus can see the slight downcast in his eyes, the way his feet scuff against the floor.

He slowly unfolds the shirt, laughing as soon as he understands what it is it.

“Perfect,” Remus snorts, while beside him Alice is cooing.

“Well, put it on,” James sounds amused for the first time about the situation, his happy smile finally back into place as he gently torments Remus.

Remus is about to pull the shirt over his head when Alice makes a protesting noise, tugging at the shirt he has borrowed and ordering off.

Remus sighs, resigning himself to get half undressed in front of all these people so he can put on an even more embarrassing shirt. He has no hope for Sirius' help seeing as he has gone quiet after gifting the shirt, playing with the end of his braid and not looking anyone in the eye.

So Remus strips off his shirt, waving an unamused finger at the catcalls, and then pulls the new shirt over his head.

“Is anyone going to tell me what’s so great about this shirt?” Marlene asks petulantly. Dorcas laughs and kisses them on the back of the neck.

“The shirt says -” Peter starts but pauses. “Sirius, what does the shirt say?”

“I hate you,” Sirius mutters.

“Surely that’s not what the shirt says,” Marlene smiles.

Sirius sighs and drags a hand over his face. “The shirt says, ‘my boyfriend went to Barcelona and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’.”

Marlene snorts. “You’re fucking hopeless.”

Remus laughs at that, his previous embarrassment dissipating when he sees the way Sirius’ cheeks blush bright red but no words denying the statement coming out of his mouth.

“Alright,” James says, “leave the puppy alone.”

“Aw, but he’s so cute,” Dorcas adds as she giggles against Marlene’s shoulder.

“I want you out of my home,” Sirius says, but he’s smiling. “You’ve already eaten my house out of crepes.”

“Then my work here is done,” Marlene tells him. “I have no reason to be here anymore. Unless you make me some more.”

“Make your own.”

“They won’t have the secret French touch,” Remus quips and that gets him laughter and a pout.

He kisses Sirius’ cheek in apology and gets a crêpe in return.

****

“Sooooo,” Sirius says by the door of his bedroom.

Remus buttons up his jeans before he turns to him, smiling. “Yeah?”

“How were the crêpes?”

“Better than my sorry attempt at them,” Remus admits. “Not quite as life changing as I was promised.”

“You wound me.”

Sirius closes the door behind him and comes to his bed, glancing around the room as Remus sits down next to him to put his shoes on. He’s not looking quite as cool as Remus first thought but it’s difficult to make out what he’s thinking.

“You didn’t mind the tee-shirt, yeah?”

“Can’t promise I’ll wear it to work,” Remus grins, “but yeah, I liked it.”

Sirius finally meets his eyes after a glance at the red horror Remus has kept on. “The boyfriend bit, I meant.”

“The boyfriend bit’s all right,” Remus says with a smile.

“We should probably go on a date soon, though.”

He laughs. “Yeah, wouldn’t want the shirt to lie.”

There’s silence as Remus focuses a bit too hard on his laces as he tries to decide when would be too soon and how long he can make himself wait before seeing Sirius again.

“I’ve got practice tomorrow,” Sirius caves before he does, “but we could do Tuesday if you’re free?”

“I’ve got work ‘til six thirty but then I’m free, yeah. Didn’t you have that shopping thing with your friends?”

Sirius waves it off. “I’ll see Dorcas at practice and Lily at home,” he shrugs. “I’ll go shopping with them but they don’t need me to stay the evening.”

“All right, then,” Remus smiles, straightening up. “Tuesday.”

“Any ideas what you wanna do?”

“Mm, dinner first, if you don’t mind. I’m usually starved by the time I’m done with work.” Sirius nods. “Then… I don’t know, we can walk for a bit? See a movie if you’d like?”

“Walking sounds fine,” Sirius agrees taking Remus’ hands in his, “we can figure out what we do then?”

“Yeah, that’s all right by me.”

“Okay, then. And I expect clean hair.”

Remus laughs. “Fine. I was going to wash it yesterday,” he promises, “but then I hurried up to keep Peter’s baking company.” Sirius snorts. “Are you really not going to give him a present?”

Sirius shakes his head. “I had something else in mind for him,” he reassures Remus. “But he’s going to feel sorry until Wednesday at least.”

“Keep me updated of how that goes,” Remus grins.

****

When time comes to actually leave, Remus is reluctant to let go of the fingers he’s holding and he hangs back as Alice, Dorcas and Marlene make their farewell. It would probably be too much to ask if he can stay any longer when even when he asked if there was any need of help cleaning up he’d been brushed off.

The set date for their First Official Date is reassuring as is Sirius’ solid warmth against his shoulder. But he has thought dates, or even non-dates, had gone well before and then they’d sizzled down to a few texts and soon, nothing at all.

Remus still shakes James’ hand, telling himself that James will not talk Sirius out of dating some random kik boy since James is smiling at him a James kind of smile and thanking him for coming. Lily’s farewell helps a little bit more as she whispers in his ear, “It was never anything against you, darling” and pecks his cheek. Peter adds to it by smacking him hard on the back and asks him to come around again.

The girls and Marlene are already slowly making their way down the hall when Remus finally turns to Sirius, a little awkward and unsure of how to appropriately say goodbye, but then Sirius pulls him down into a tight hug.

The parting hug lasts and lasts. Remus isn’t sure if it’s him who is holding on because this has been such a great morning, this has been such a great non-date, and he’s met many people he hopes he’ll see again. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s Sirius who is holding on.

“I’ll text you when I get home, yeah?” Remus whispers to his ear.

He can feel Sirius’ smile on his neck. “Yeah, okay.”

It’s easier to leave then and luckily since Alice makes a show of looking at her watch and Marlene and Dorcas are making kissing noises in the hallway.

“See you, love.”

“See you, Moony.”

****

i live at the end of the world

hah

and u forgot ur jumper

oh no thats terrible will i have to come back to get it

yes.

meanwhile im gonna wear it all the time

its gonna be 25 degrees today love dnt do this to urself

shh im cool anyway

i hate u

i’ll bring it on tuesday

thanks

so will u tell me now

mm?

what abt the chemistry?

so much i almost liked science for the first time in my life

haha nice

same.

except i liked science

was quite good at it too

well im pretty sure u missed ur calling by not doing modelling but sure why not science

catch was james didn’t like science so we didn’t attend the class often

still passed but it was written down in my file so uni wasn’t impressed

aaah right

did james not like you modelling

HAHA idk but i should ask him he’s always been annoyed at me bc in school all the ppl he liked had crushes on me

poor jimmy what a hard life having a pretty face like urs to compete with

gtg love, alice requires my full attention for 30mins or she says she’s revoking my best friends rights

fiiiiiiiine

You had him for 12h straight, my turn!

i can assure u none of these hours were straight Alice

hahahaha i’ll tell her

ttyl pretty boy

dont wear my jumper u’re going to overheat and i wont be there to take it off you

trash boy.

ttyl

Notes:

Here is a round up post of all the amazing things people have been doing for ATB!

It also links you to emaly's tumblr, if you prefer asks to comments. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 9 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

guess who got served breakfast in bed

hah so james and i went for a run and when we came back peter had folded my laundry

which is awesome bc i wanted to wear this today

(selfie pic)

morning

almost afternoon to you too

nice outfit

nice piercing

didn’t you have that thing with your parents today?

still do

i’m headed that way

all right i’m not gonna comment on the crop top

though maybe dont wear one when you meet my mum for the first time

hah i’ll wear a button down and kiss her hand

the hand kissing will be unnecessary

you misspelled mandatory

sure.

bit early for lunch at 12:30 tho?

better early than scolded for being late

i guess

how are we feeling about the lunch today?

depends on the minute

whats 11:44 looking like?

‘why am i doing this it’s gonna end in tears most likely mine’

45’: ‘tho i could try to get another credit card so i can buy my own bike’

well at least there is a positive side

the bike on your cover picture isnt urs then?

mine and lily’s we went halfsies

right you figured you shared a james, why not an object

haha

i promise i’m not as much in a relationship with them as it sounds like

hah i dont mind

it’s cute how close u all are

that kind of friendship is precious

sap

shh i havent had tea yet

go on then

ive had tea now

so allow me to say it again:

nice outfit.

you should send me these pictures every morning to make my mornings nicer

right back to trash boy territory mmm

u asked for it

tho in my defence i did not mean that i was turned on

u werent?

...

theres literally no way i can save myself here

i dont think there is

give me a break i just woke up

lets talk abt this next then: where on earth is almost noon a time to wake up

where ppl get texted until 2 in the morning by pretty boys after waking up at stupid o’clock for pretty boys 2 days in a row

sounds like a land full of pretty boys

i’ve met the prettiest and now everyone pales in comparison

hah

thanks

how was this morning with everyone?

all right

we were on a dont ask dont tell policy when i left

tho lily smacked me with a hairbrush ‘because you look too tan’

so now im tan and bruised and im still not sure that was a good enough reason to smack someone

she’s just jealous

i bet her skin can’t get anywhere near as tan as yours anyway

yeah she just gets red in the sun

how does the scot do?

hah i can tan

well not as tan as you

but tan for scots

i’ve rarely been in places where the sun can do that tho

i think there’s only a few pictures of a trip to italy when my parents were still together that are proof that i can look tan

relics from another era

i wanna see those pictures

haha i think there’s one in my facebook pictures somewhere

it was my profile pic once it shld still be there

OH MY GOD

did you actually go look

MOONY

well come on spit it out i’m bracing myself

!!!!

YOU HAVE SO MUCH HAIR

mum still calls me “sheep” because of it

THAT IS THE CUTEST IM CALLING U SHEEP FROM NOW ON

u know im gonna have to go look thru ur facebook now

hahaha well ur in for a treat

i hate how hot you look in your cover pic btw like that is not fair to the rest of humankind

thks

all right there’s one of you in a pool

on a bright pink pool float

last summer at the potters

im at my tannest in this one

mmmm

you look hot

already had the abs

i was born with the abs

i’m not seeing the piercing

how much are you zoomed in on this oh my god

shh

did the piercing last christmas, weirdo

oooooh im liking this one

the pool one?

football one

you look so damn cute i swear

i never thought i’d find a boy juggling with a ball this cute

don’t find boys playing with balls cute mmmm

oh my god

did you really just

mayyybe

in other news i got in front of the restaurant forty mins early

our facebook adventures will keep u busy

yeah?

theres a fringe in the next one, i’m thinking yes

hah i meant

can u stay with me til?

yeah sure

“Hi.”

“Morning, gothic kid.”

“I was fifteen.”

“And you had a heavy hand with the eyeliner.”

“Yeah, well, we’ve all had our moments, sheep.”

“Sadly the pictures stop here.”

“I have tons in the album thing if you want to take a look.”

“Is there anymore of the gothic kid?”

“Mmm there should be if you scroll back to when I was in school. You can see Peter with dreads then, too.”

“Oh my God, really?”

“Yeah. He cut them off when he started looking for a job, but he’s thinking of growing them back now.”

“Okay, there’s tons of football pictures.”

“Not so much in mine’s. You should have a look at James’ profile pic.”

“Aw, he looks cute. All captain like - oh my God. Even his cover picture is football.”

“See how much restraint I show?”

“I appreciate it. That’s the same picture you have on your desktop, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but James has it on his computer, on his Facebook, and he used to have it on his phone. We have one printed out in the living room as well.”

“Will I at least find a naked calendar in here somewhere?”

“D’you want to?”

“Well, I wouldn’t look away.”

“Hah. There should be some clubbing pictures of me on my or Lily’s page but none where I show any more skin than you’ve seen.”

“I should talk to James about this missed opportunity.”

“Sure, do that. Moony?”

“Yeah, love?”

“Who’s the girl with the hijab?”

“Emma Vance? She’s a friend from uni.”

“No pictures of the ex, then?”

“Which one?”

“Well, I was looking for the threesome one. How many exes are there?”

“I like that name for her. Think I’ve deleted all the pictures of us, though.”

“Mmm…all right.”

“Why?”

“Just wondering. You have a lot of girl friends.”

“Hah, yeah, maybe. I’ve always been closer to girls.”

“You were the cliché skinny nerd boy in the group of girls, best friend of all, boyfriend of none?”

“Well, not really the football playing type, I was, so I guess. Boys didn’t know what to do with me until their hormones kicked in and suddenly I was the only one who could talk to girls, then our conversations were all about what to say to them not to appear as much an arse as they really were.”

“Got your own advice columns in the local newspaper?”

“Should have, at least I’d have been paid to explain five times a week what periods were.”

“They bled you out, huh?”

“You can say that. I’ve also gotten really great at drawing vaginas back then. One of the lads thought it opened like a flower.”

“He what?”

“He thought you… you, like, opened one side and the other. It was quite a discussion we had that day.”

“But how did you know that it didn’t?”

“Mm, it’s a long story. But basically my mum bought me a lot of sex eds books when I was sixteen and she quizzed me about them until I knew the stuff by heart.”

“She. Quizzed you.”

“She was very intent I did not fuck up any worse than I already had. Not that there was much room to by then.”

“Oooh.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m not seeing any pictures of you kissing some pretty boy, do I take it you’ve deleted your ex’s pics too?”

“Mm, he wasn’t the kind for that type of picture. I know he’s on the team picture James has on his cover, if you want to see.”

“Oh, he’s on your football team?”

“Used to be. Got kicked out when our manager found out he broke my heart.”

“Oh my God, James really went that far?”

“No, not James. Our manager. She’s - I don’t know where to start. We went to a boarding school, I don’t know if I ever mentioned that?”

“Peter did, yeah.”

“She was the Deputy Headmistress, taught geography for every year, was the supervisor for the older years and she coached the football team.”

“So basically she saw more of you than your parents did.”

“Basically, she did. When we left school, she missed us so much she became the manager of the football club we were planning on going to, before James even registered us. We showed up on tryouts day and there she was. I’ll be honest, we thought we were in trouble.”

“Got in trouble a bit in school, did you?”

“A fair bit. So there she was, heading toward us, stopping right in front of James with this dead serious expression she has like, really, she gives off the energy of a Hells Angels Biker.”

“Cute.”

“Not cute. I used to be terrified of her when I transferred in the school.”

“Transferred?”

“Oh - well, another story for another time. But trust me, she looks threatening. She’s the kindest, most caring teacher I’ve ever had but I straighten up every time she walks into the room.”

"Haha, okay.”

“So she’s standing in front of James, there’s people warming up and then there’s us, stammering, ‘Hello, Professor, beautiful day, isn’t it, how’s your cat’ - she has this cat she brings to class - ‘good to see you, Professor.’ And her, in her stern Don’t-Even-Fucking-Start-With-Me voice, looks at James and hands him a jersey. ‘I’m making you captain. Same rules as in school: three trainings a week, mixed teams, we make it to the national championship next year.’”

“And James to go, ‘we could even do it this year, Professor’?”

“You know the boy well. We didn’t make it that year, though, we didn’t know each other well enough. Anyway, I’m her favourite and as I was saying, you don’t want to mess with her.”

“Haha, all right. What’s the real reason she’s coaching the team, though?”

“Mm?”

“Well. She didn’t actually like you guys that much that she took upon herself to find the football team you were going to go to-”

“Moony, you wound me. I’m very loveable.”

“I know you are but. Really?”

“Yeah. We have tea with her once a month. If you want you can ask her yourself.”

“So you were the teacher’s pet.”

“James was. I… well, it took a while for us to warm up to each other. She hated me through most of my teenage crisis. But I’ve made it up by being adorable all the last year we had there. We used to have tea time together already back in school.”

“Is that legal?”

“Hah, I guess she was also the school’s supervisor and these could have been called office hours but we had tea and biscuits and talked about the weather a lot.”

“Sounds like tea time.”

“S’what I’d say.”

“Soooo...which boy is it? On the picture?”

“I’m not giving anything until I see a picture of Threesome Ex.”

“Ugh, don’t make me look for it.”

“Well, I’d have to look as well to find him on the picture so there.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Fine… What if you tell me her name and I’ll look it up myself.”

“Aaah I think I know which boy it is.”

“How?”

“Picture of you two dancing in Peter’s party album. I’m gonna guess it’s him or you used to have far less boundaries.”

“Traitor. And stalker, Moony, like woah.”

“I prefer the term investigator. Oooh, I’ve found the dreads as well. He wore them well.”

“Yeah, he was very proud of them. But you know, black guy looking for a job with under fives, something had to give.”

“The skin whiteners didn’t work?”

“We even tried the white clown paint but somehow they always figured out he wasn’t one of them.”

“Damn.”

“I still don’t know what Threesome Ex looks like.”

“I’m sure you can investigate it too.”

“Well, I’d like to make it clear that you’re the one who said I could.”

“Why do you make it sound so creepy?”

“Stalking is creepy.”

“All right, fine. I have a picture on my phone, I’ll show you tomorrow.”

“Next to the dick pics, mm?”

“Is this an attempt at getting one?”

“Trash boy.”

“Not hearing any no’s here.”

“No, maybe later. To congratulate me for surviving the lunch.”

“There’re better things I could do than -”

“Oh my God -”

“That’s not -”

“That is the epitome of -”

“I meant hanging with you! And, I don’t know, I meant like holding your hand and stroking your back, you liked that and, oh my God, I did not mean-”

“Chillax, Moony.”

“Fine - but, I really just meant. I’m free after six if you want a cuddle.”

“Cute little sap.”

“Just say if you want to hang out.”

“And what? ‘Netflix and chill', winky face?”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah. But Moony, don’t worry. Lily’s home this afternoon, Peter finishes at five, and James is going to be in and out all day but he has someone on standby to cover for him if needs be. I’m all watched out for.”

“All right. Worrying is kind of my default setting but I’ll try to keep it to myself.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it, though. The worrying for the dude you met two weeks ago.”

“I kinda like the dude, so.”

“Thanks, Moony.”

“No problem, love. How long’s left? Thirty minutes?”

“Just about. Reg shouldn’t be too long either.”

“Wanna finish Twenty Questions?”

“Jesus, this game is never ending.”

“We’re just not playing it properly.”

“Okay, fine, I have a question.”

“Listening.”

“When’s the last time you’ve been on a date?”

“Oh. Hum, I’m not sure, something like three weeks ago.”

“...okay.”

“That sounded like a bad ‘okay’.”

“No… no, it’s fine. We were talking with James this morning during the run, and he asked me if I knew and I realised I didn’t. I don’t know much about your stance on relationships in general.”

“What kind of ‘stance’ are we talking about?”

“Never mind, it’s… it’s nothing important.”

“All right. My last relationship ended in January, if that’s any help. She lives in Edinburgh and we tried the long distance thing for a while but it wasn’t working out for either of us.”

“How long was it?”

“Five-ish month. It’s difficult to say, we’d been talking about breaking it off for a week before the monthly birthday thing and by then we’d already made up our minds about it but there was nothing officially announced.”

“Okay.”

“Now I want to know about your last boyfriend.”

“Hah, if you think yours was difficult to delimit...”

“Mm? Oh, was that the Harry Styles guy?”

“Yeah. James is blaspheming 1D when he says that. My ex didn’t sing that well to begin with.”

“All right.”

“Mm… it’s… he kept changing his mind about wanting a monogamous relationship and he didn’t keep me updated about it much.”

“Aaaah… I’m siding with your friends then, he does sound like a douchebag.”

“Yeah, I’m not known for making good romantic choices. That’s why James was such a little shit to you.”

“Yeah, it’s all right, I got that it wasn’t all on me. Well, I’ve never tried an open relationship and I can’t say I’m interested in having one.”

“I tried it and I’m definitely, absolutely not interested.”

“Hah, all right. Noted. Any other things you want cleared up?”

“You’re not seeing anyone else, are you?”

“I’m definitely, absolutely not seeing anyone else.”

“Good. Okay, that’s - good. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“I spy, with my little eye, the family driver.”

“Your family has drivers.”

“My brother and my mother share the same. Now I just need to know who’s in the backseat…”

“We are hoping for Patches, aren’t we?”

“We really, really are. I do not want to have to spend twenty minutes alone with my mother.”

“Right.”

“It’s parking.”

“Dun dun dun.”

“Good, it’s Reg.”

“Ding ding ding.”

“You’re terrible.”

“I try.”

“Hey, Reg.”

“Hey, Patches.”

“Is that James?”

“Nah, it’s the bloke I met on kik.”

“You’re still talking to him?”

“You’ve got a problem with that, Australia?”

“Oh, fuck you, just - fuck it. Just get it out before mum and dad get here.”

“I’m sad I’m not hearing any French.”

“For all intents and purposes, I do not know how to speak French.”

“I’ve heard otherwise.”

“It was a speak or die situation.”

“What are you on about?”

“He’s asking why we don’t speak French to each other.”

“Can he hear me?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Yeah.”

“Parce que Sirius a oublié tout son français.”

“Va te faire voir is enough vocabulary to get by with, Patches.”

“Hah, d’you want me to leave you two to it, love?”

“Nooo, stay with me. I have fifteen minutes more of freedom and I want them.”

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Promised you I would, Reg.”

“Mmm, yeah. Did you see the pictures I posted on my blog?”

“I saw the ones you put on on Sat?”

“I put new ones.”

“Can I go look?”

“Remus’ asking if he can have your blog’s address.”

“Oui.”

“That means yes.”

“Har har. Oh, yep, those we haven’t seen. You’re shirtless on the first one.”

“Save it up on your phone.”

“This is gross. Did you have sex with him in the end?”

“That’s gross.”

“You're not denying.”

“Mmm…”

“No.”

“Kissed him?”

“Your brother is very curious.”

“Too curious for his own good. I’ve got ammo, Patches, don’t make me use it.”

“You never share anything, anyway.”

“Is Patches pouting?”

“Remus asks if you’re pouting.”

“Ask Remus if he’s the one who shoved that stick up your arse.”

“What language.”

“What’re you mad about? Reg? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. B-C is in London just today but instead of spending time with him I’m going to have to play mediator between you and the parents for two hours.”

“Hey, you asked me to come here. We can call it off, I don’t fucking care.”

“You haven’t seen them in a year.”

“That’s not your problem to solve, Reg. Moony, I’m gonna hang up, I’ll call you back in -”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll see B-C tonight. Just - just, play nice, okay?”

“I said I would!”

“Look how you’ve dressed!”

“Reg, come on, they’ve seen me in worse.”

“You could have made it easier for everyone.”

“I don’t fucking care to make it easy for anyone. I’m here because you asked me to, but I’m going to do it on my terms or not at all. You want me here, I am, you don’t, I can go. Your pick.”

“...stay.”

“Well, cheer the fuck up, they’re going to love that shirt.”

“I’m blaming mum’s ulcer on you.”

“You do that. Isn't B-C gonna be around tomorrow?”

“No, he’s just here for business today. He said he’ll stay the night if he can see me, otherwise he’ll go back to Paris.”

“Well, this is only going to take a couple of hours, anyway. Dad’s going to want to have his nap and it’s Monday so mum’s going to have about five appointments to go to. You’ll see Australia soon enough.”

“Yeah, okay, fine. Is Remus still on the phone?”

“Remus?”

“Yep.”

“Yeah - what the he- Reg!”

“Hello, Remus.”

“Hello, Reg.”

“Oh - Scottish, mm?”

“Kilts over vegemite.”

“Agreed.”

“Hah, do you wear them?”

“Yeah, it’s my favourite smart casual.”

“He’s funny.”

“Why, is Australia as stuck up as that what’s-her-name the ‘rents wanted you to marry?”

“He’s not stuck up!”

“Sounds like he is.”

“He’s not! He can be funny too!”

“‘Can be?’”

“‘Can be?’”

“Here, have your fucking phone back. I don’t like him.”

“I’m heartbroken.”

“Aw.”

“Why does your closest family always end up not liking me?”

“Remus says he likes your blog.”

“I do, at that. I like the way his pictures look.”

“What does he know about fashion blogging?”

“He’s asking what’s your credential for being able to say you enjoy something?”

“Har har that’s not-”

“You can tell him I have an almost 24 years on-going degree in looking at pretty boys.”

“Hey! Don’t say my brother is pretty!”

“Why is he calling me pretty?”

“He looks far too much like you for me not to find him cute?”

“Ok, wait. Moony, say I’m the prettiest.”

“I’ve said you were the prettiest before, didn’t I?”

“Say it again.”

“You’re the prettiest, Pads.”

“You look ridiculous right now, just so you know.”

“Fuck off, Reg. And he didn’t say you were cute, he said you looked like me therefore you were okay looking.”

“Oh my God, you really don’t want your brother to like me.”

“I’m far prettier than you.”

“Vanity runs in the family, huh?”

“If it was only that.”

“Put your phone on speaker if you’re going to keep talking to him.”

“Moony?”

“Yeah, why not.”

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So, why didn’t you kiss my brother?”

“Really, Reg?”

“It’s a serious question.”

“Oh. He does the serious jokes?”

“No-”

“No-”

“No, sorry, I’m just not used to it yet. I still call you Padfoot in my head.”

“Aw, really?”

“Mm-mm.”

“You still go by that name?”

“Yeah. See how long a nickname can stick?”

“Shut up. Still haven’t had an answer to my question.”

“The answer is none of your business.”

“He kicked me, Remus, that’s the kind of man you want to date.”

“Am dating.”

“Cute, already standing up for you.”

“Doesn’t Australia do that?”

“Just don’t. I thought you’d come on bike.”

“I did try not to add fuel to the fire, Reg.”

“Parents against the biking?”

“They like to call it Death on Wheels.”

“That’s consequently what I’ve named it.”

“Of course it is.”

“B-C has a bike.”

“What kind?”

“The scary, I’m Not Getting On It kind.”

“I can’t believe we’re related.”

“Just because I like to live.”

“Yep.”

“Hey, Reg, how do you like horror movies?”

“Oh my God.”

“Shh. Reg?”

“I don’t much care for movies in general.”

“He sleeps with a plushie, Moony.”

“Aww, wee bairn.”

“You’ve been sleeping with a night light all your life!”

“They’re glow in the dark stars!”

“Same thing. And you can’t even mention ghost stories in broad daylight or he doesn’t sleep for a week.”

“He knows about it.”

“And what do you think about Frozen, Reg?”

“Oh fucking christ, I can’t escape this fucking movie.”

“Definitely related.”

“You don’t like it either?”

“Never watched it.”

“Not yet.”

“We don’t usually share tastes, anyway. Sirius loves all these popular pop songs-”

“Reg is all hipster about his music, ‘Oh no my ears can only listen to 80s rock what is this sorcery called the 21th century’.”

“It’s not to be a hipster, I just like it!”

“It’s fine, Remus is a hipster too.”

“Hey!”

“Reg does it full on, though, fake glasses and proud not to be on facebook.”

“It’s all right Reg, I get you.”

“I need those glasses to see! And you’re one to talk, wanting to look all punk with your leather jacket and your ripped jeans and your reckless driving and your rings - they’re not even practical! How do you do anything with these on? It’s no wonder you get into so many accidents-”

“Hey! I drive perfectly safe!”

“Oh, yeah, like that time we drove into a fucking tree?”

“Ok, no, you can’t tell the story that way, first off, you and I got out just fine, secondly: it was the parents’ car-”

“I feel like whether or not it was your fault should have been listed first.”

“I’m getting to it, Moony! Thirdly! Thirdly, it was not my fault.”

“Oh yeah, blame nature for making a tree grow in your way!”

“I will!”

“He totalled the fucking car, Remus.”

“I was eighteen!”

“Did you have your licence?”

“He’d just had it, it was the first drive we took together, too, and he made me talk to the parents!”

“You didn’t even talk to them, just left them a note on the living room table, ‘Got home okay, we’re fine, the car’s gone though’.”

“Was there alcohol involved?”

“What? No!”

“Ok, I used to drive a bit too fast but I wasn’t a fucking idiot.”

“You say 'used to' like you drive any slower now. You drove in Barcelona like every single street was part of a road rally tournament!”

“So what, does Australia drive his bike like it’s a push scooter?”

“Don’t be mean to him you haven’t even met the dude.”

“Reg’s laughing!”

“Well, if it makes baby brother laugh.”

“Yeah, whatever, just drive if you’re in a car with him.”

“I don’t actually have my driver’s licence.”

“Really?”

“Ah! See, it’s not just me!”

“Yeah, I didn’t get it at 18 and then I was either in London or Edinburgh and they’ve got good transport systems so I’ve never bothered.”

“Oh, you’re from Edinburgh?”

“Nah, my town’s about three hours from it but I spent a few months there. I’ll give you my life story next time we see each other.”

“There’s quite the list of subjects we’re gonna need to get into tomorrow.”

“Oh, you have a date tomorrow?”

“Yeah. ‘Least we won’t run out of things to say to each other.”

“Hah, sure.”

“How was the first one, anyway? You said you’d send me a text but you didn’t.”

“I forgot, Reg. It went fine.”

“Want me to hang up so you can share the gritty details?”

“Hah, I can do that with you listening. He can’t dance for shit.”

“I never took dancing classes, ballet boy.”

“Ballet? When did you ever do ballet?”

“Never, ‘s’just a joke one of my friends makes about me.”

“Ah, right. For a moment I thought I had missed something back home, that’d have been some Billy Elliot level of drama.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know he was queer.”

“I can’t believe it either.”

“What!”

“Only queer people would quote fucking Billy Elliot in casual convos.”

“True that. Hey, Reg, how many minutes in a year?”

“...Shut up.”

“Aw, come on.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know.”

“...525 600 minutes.”

“That’s my boy!”

“Definitely queer.”

“So do you think mum is a lesbian at heart?”

“Every woman is a lesbian at heart. You can’t beat me on that ground, buddy. I’ve been at it far longer than you.”

“Are you gonna be disappointed if I ask where’s that from, then?”

“Pride. You’ve not seen it?”

“Oh, that one. No, I missed it in the theaters.”

“Oh my God Moony, you need to watch this.”

“Haha, sure.”

“Oh, Sirius, do you know of Xavier Dolan?”

“Reg - really. Yes.”

“I’m going to be over there drowning in shame.”

“You’ve got an excuse this time, he’s a French director.”

“Why is he laughing?”

“Don’t ask. But I think you’d like his movies, Moony.”

“I’m sure I would, love.”

“Christophe Honoré? Les Chansons d’Amour? No?”

“I don’t keep up with everything french…”

“Oooh, can we do a movie night? I’m here at least until the 15th of June.”

“At home?”

“I was thinking your house, oh my God. I really don’t want the parents to know.”

“Mm, all right. Yeah, okay.”

“You should bring Australia for them to meet.”

“No one asked you!”

“Good idea, though. Bring him over, James and I will make sure he behaves in NYC.”

“There’s literally no need for that, Sirius, you’re not - shit. Parents at twelve o’clock.”

“Shit. Bye, Moony.”

“Bye, Sirius. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

“We’ll need it.”

my father shook my hand and then hugged me

good?

i awkwardly patted his back and asked how their drive was

...good?

mum looked at me, audibly sighed, and then kissed me hello

less good but not bad?

im not sure what im doing here

the tubes station is not too far out is it?

well. have a glass of something expensive and french you don’t have often and then flee if need be

right

you’ll have tried so patches won’t be able to fault you

and then u can go home, take a bath, have a nap

get some take out pizza?

yeah

okay we’re going in

think of it like a survival reality show

ur jungle is the poshest place of london

ur weapons are napkins

haha

thanks moony

np love

dont forget to flip ur hair for the cameras

mum spoke to the waiter in vietnamese.

we are in london, mother.

how is that going for her

the dude did not speak one word of vietnamese but he scrambled off to get the cook

she spoke to my mum for five mins abt the menus or whatever

apparently she is satisfied we are now getting seated

you can do it padfoot

oh i forgot abt this

my father hates phones so we’re not allowed them at the table i’ll catch u up whenever i can

you’re staying then?

you should be at dessert by now i hope you’re okay love

you underestimate the french side of this family

we’re just now done with the entrés

my father went out for a smoke so we all jumped at our phones

how is it going

okay so far

they only had time for my clothes before it was full on “why nyc do you know who lives there? americans, reg.”

i take it they’re not too fond of the idea either then

you should have heard what they said when his fancy was australia

“this island was literally a jail!”

oh my god

did they notice the crop top though

oh yeah

my dad went for the classic “i hope you didnt pay full price there’s a piece of your shirt missing”

mum was more “i can’t believe you live with housemates and they let you leave dressed like a pimp”

oh my god

you can laugh moony

i did

it’s such a parents thing to say

yeah well they are my parents

had the oldie but goodie “when’s the last time you’ve been to the hairdresser” as well

ugh reminds me that i have to cut my hair before i see my mum next month

aaaah they werent done abt my clothes

“did you fall on your way in? why are your jeans ripped? is it in fashion to look homeless?”

that’s weak i’ve heard it abt a thousand times before

“come on mum u can do better than this there’s not even a slur in there”

can’t wait to get up and see what they say about my two year old shoes

reg is such a fuckng enabler

“so hows school big brother”

ah shit

bad patches

no treats today

are u managing the topic ok?

yeah i do fine in school

i guess patches wanted to focus on the good stuff

we’re having champagne in my honour

get me out

is champagne even such a high honour when u guys throw it at each other whenever

har har

it was the only weapon at the time

“we’re proud of what you’ve accomplished and we know you can do great things”

subtext: if you were to take over the family businesses instead of getting ur masters in fucking sociology

right mum whatever mum

well

could have been worse

at least ur a star student

moony this is an overdone joke i’ve been top of my classes forever i have heard this one literally all my life

sorry i’ll stop complimenting your accomplishments

but really

top of your classes?

yeah

were u the kind to have a really good grade after saying you didn’t study

will u hate me if i say yes

would have hated u at school thats for sure

haha well in this case i’m not anymore so we’re fine

good

mum is back at the hair

“you don’t even have a haircut at this point, you look like one of those sad high schoolers who don’t know how to style their hair”

at least they spared you the shoes

… didn’t i pass that one onto you?

“have u seen the state of ur shoes have you been wearing them to a farm”

is there anything left

the navel piercing has surprisingly been left untouched

really? ud think the crop top would have pointed them there straight away

the “jesus <3 me” keeps their eyes to my chest i think

my mum has rolled her eyes at it so many times im afraid shes gonna sprain something

hows the conversation otherwise?

good

bathroom break so im giving u the headlines only

“you have nothing to say to ur son abt this shirt”

my dads answer: “hows the football”

“we give to x charities so we can wash our hands off helping the economy in bigger ways”

reg’s loud diversion from the discussion on the tories and me going to the anti-austerity protests back to “btw im moving to the land of no gun control and blatant institutionalised racism”

that one kept us busy for a while we tackled france’s and england’s while we were at it

ought to take a while

that it did

my dad says the word cop like he says the word loans

gasp

had a few mins of “how are the potters” and badgering our mum to do a breast exam

then we picked desserts and dad went for another smoke and i went to the only other door that wld get me out for a little while

no blood so far

doing well

yeah

no yelling either

reg’s v proud

so am i

good job

oh.my.god.

i was like like "soooo reg do you know ANYONE in new york"

and reg "not really but hows your kik friend or was it tinder mmm"

and. my parents asked.

"what is this whats this new slang"

uh oh

why patches why

I HAD TO EXPLAIN WHAT TINDER WAS

AND MY DAD!!!!

SAID!!!!

“ITS A BIT LIKE GRINDR ISNT IT”

MY DAD!!!!!

i’m still saying ur the reason why the straights think we’re contagious

u cant leave it at that

i have a right to know how ur dad got out of this

well APPARENTLY his new assistant has been catching him up with technologies

im thinking new stupidly gay assistant bc who the fucks includes grindr in their explanations to 60yold straights

i dont even know if its the gay part or the technology part im more surprised abt my dad still has a nokia phone

anyway he’s saying thats how he knows

ive been giving my mum looks but so far she’s acting like this is not fishy

what does ur gaydar say

idk my gaydar is shell shocked that my dad knows what grindr is

have u ever been on it?

dorcas and lily once signed me up for fun and it scared me

rightfully, i think

i dont need to see that many penises

no one needs to see that many penises

hahahaha

OH MY GOD

MY MOTHER ASKED IF THERE WAS A GIRL VERSION OF GRINDR

IM SO DONE WITH THIS LUNCH GET ME OUT

this is really not what i expected ur conversations w/ ur parents to be abt i’ll be honest

ME NEITHER MOONY

we just met with the girls outside the restaurant and the first thing they did was invite me to nha trang

nha trang?

in vietnam

it’s actually there that reg’s going with this friends and the girls are tagging along and i am now being requested to come as well

requested as in?

“i bet ur not doing anything interesting, it’s been so long since uve gone and u havent paid ur respects to ur grandparents since you were fifteen”

aah the guilt tripping

its a family sport

that it seems

how r u handling it?

“no thanks, no, not ever, not with u guys in any case, u’d have to tie me up and throw me in a suitcase and sedate me first”

good ol’ honesty

cant go wrong with that can i

fingers crossed

WELL

well

ann took me apart

and she asked me to come with for moral support

...and?

she asked nicely?

you’re going then?

idk

idk.

okay

well maybe don’t give a definite answer rn?

“i’ll think abt it when i’m not stuck in a room with six persons asking the same thing from me”

hah

i think we’re going shopping

rn?

yeah

yeah we are

any other present u want

no thanks i’m good

love ur shirt that much mm

i do love that shirt

i wore it to bed last night

sorry we were talking abt where to go

it was a “that made me all warm inside” emoji

cute

cutest*

vainest

and cutest*

my mum wants me to show her forever 21

oh?

yeah we were talking abt them taking shares in the company

i dont think shes ever set foot in a prêt à porter store

tho she says she likes my necklace there is hope

oh my god how can that be a real discussion to have

haha yeah sorry

do they already have shares in clothing lines?

yeah but nothing like h&m or zara

mmm

expensive fashion brands only

yeah

my mum was really into fashion when she was younger thats where we get it from

apparently she’s wanted to get back into it a bit

gonna get ur very own clothing line that u'll model for?

hahahaha not the plan but cissy loved to design stuff as a teen maybe she’s still into it

i want one of the pieces for half the price

unless its h&m i think ur better off asking for a gift

richie rich

still shopping?

all done

we’re having tea with the girls

2 hours is turning into 6

yeah but it’s been mostly okay so i’m staying

u do like ur food

cant say no to cake moony

proud wee hobbit mm

shut up

REGS BF IS HERE

at the tea place?

REG IS LITERALLY THE COLOUR RED

FCKNG NERD

how are ur parents not gonna notice that

hes coming to say hello to my parents oh my god this is gold reg is kicking me but moony

MOONY!!!

come on be nice

im so nice i went to the bathroom so i could laugh

dude’s parents are friends with my parents so he had to come say hello and be all proper

he SHOOK HANDS WITH REG

and *i* did. not. comment.

im such a good big brother

u are u are

come on help me how many innuendos can i make

play nice

australian jokes then?

oh yeah that u have a free pass on

no jokes abt closets but open range on the kangaroos

fine FINE

i can work with that

u show those vegemite eaters

HAHA

update: they dont ride the kangaroos

you didnt ask did u

of course i did

to the dismay of my shin.

reg is kicking me really fkn hard

does he have the accent

he hasnt said crikey yet but im waiting for it

ok i’ll cut him to the chase

im imagining ur french accent trying to wrap itself around the word ‘crikey’ and failing miserably

be quiet scotland

australia looked at me like i was going mad.

omg they’re all laughing?

i know im funny but i... dont think it was that funny?

SHITHISHITH

what??

i said it wrong

u threw me off!!!

omg what

how did you say it

….cree-kay

omfg padfoot

i didnt know thats not how u say it!!

ahh we’ve moved on to the cuisine

thats a path i cant be beaten on

im thinking i'm gonna stick to hobbit instead of padfoot

“haha shrimp on the barbie, right?”

the looks i’m getting from the bf.

and reg.

they’re gonna kill me.

i think perhaps you deserve it

hey you said no closet jokes

ah yes i’m the sole person to blame here

what the fuck is a maccas

now even reg is confused

oh my god its meant to be mcdonalds.

they honestly call it maccas.

maccas.

MACCAS.

how dare they bastardise such a perfect scottish name

“yeah i usually like to get a spider at maccas” says the totally not ogling my bb brother bloke

everything is a fucking spider in australia istg

they’ve got to put them to some kind of use

besides killing ppl

im disappointed tho

why’s that

he doesnt sound like the turtle at all

what turtle?

the finding nemo turtle

“dude? duuuuuuuude”

oooh u mean crush

i just fucking love that you know its name moony

seducing u with my pixar knowledge mmm?

100%

ok fuck it i like australia

the country or the dude shagging ur brother

remus lupin!

my mum adds my second name there

which is?

gotta investigate love

pffff

ANYWAY

BC actually has a bike

what kind

the kind that i want to own

i hear thats a good kind

it is

expensive as well

how r u doing on the getting a credit card front

gonna have to get a couple of credit cards for that kind of bike

maybe a chequebook

haha australia is inviting me to ride w/ him next week

reg is shaking his head like mad but he cant actually say anything

aww

he’s lucky im such a good big brother

sure he is

still at the tea place?

yeah

abt to leave actually

all right

so far so good yeah?

yeah

im home im gonna put my phone away for a little while ttyl

all right love

take care

hey i just wanted to make it clear and say that if you want to talk about today or anything but i’m totally here for that, ok?

im going home in half an hour if u want to meet up or for me to bring u ice cream or cake or something home just ask

i feel a bit silly doing this but just in case: i’m heading home but if u want to come over id be happy to make you tea

and yeah watch a movie minus the winky face

we can watch pride

ttyl pretty boy

Hey Remus can I call you?

yeah

“Hi, it’s James.”

“Yeah, hi. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. His phone’s in the kitchen and I saw your messages so I thought I’d give you an update. We're all home with him.”

“Okay, good. He's all right, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, I’ve come home to worse than some loud music. Lily’s with him right now.”

“Okay. All right. ...what’s that noise?”

“Carrots. Stress eating. It’s been a long day.”

“Been working hard?”

“More like been waiting all day to know if I needed to pick up Sirius at some posh place because he’d thrown the table over or something.”

“Oh. Right.”

“But he’s given us the silent treatment all day. Did he talk to you a bit?”

“Yeah, we kept in touch all day. He seemed to be having a good time. An okay time. Not a throwing the table over time, at any rate.”

“Mmm…”

“He seems to get along well with his brother.”

“Oh, yeah, Reg and he have always been really close. It was difficult for them when there was this whole thing with his parents.”

“He sounds nice.”

“Reg?”

“Yeah, he seems really fond of Sirius.”

“Yeah, yeah, he is. It’s not him that’s the problem, really. He means well, at least. And he mostly sides with Sirius, anyway. He was devastated when Sirius left their house. And before that, when Sirius transferred in our school.”

“He mentioned something about transferring, yeah.”

“Yeah, yeah, he’ll tell you about it. Anyway, how was your day?”

“Err, good, thanks. I had a shift at work and I’m home now.”

“Bookshop right?”

“Right.”

“Yeah, Pete said something about it. He said you gave him the address of a good falafel place.”

“Yeah, yeah, I did, it’s an amazing one. They’ve got vegetarian options but I don’t know about vegan.”

“Vegetarian’s fine. We’re probably going to look for it tomorrow for lunch.”

“Okay, yeah. Tell me how you like it.”

“Will do. Did he really keep in touch all day?”

“Sirius? Yeah, yeah, he did. I guess it’s easier with me since I don’t know his history with his parents?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s it.”

“You still…”

“Mm?”

“He said you were on a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy this morning but you’ll talk to him, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah, we talked this morning when we went running. He’s set on giving them one more chance to fuck up, apparently, what can I say.”

“I think at this point we can only offer support and distractions.”

“‘We’.”

“Yeah.”

“Mm. Yeah, I suppose. Lily’s with him because, well, they’ve got the same kind of families. I’m not just standing outside and letting him deal. They understand each other.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think you would. He speaks highly of you guys, you know? I keep saying he has really good friends and he’s like, ‘yeah, I know, right’.”

“Hah, yeah, my mum calls us a good bunch.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you have fun at our party, then?”

“Oh, yeah, totally. I’m not really into big parties like these but this one was fun.”

“You’re more the stay-at-home type?”

“Or the sit down and talk for a few hours kind of parties, you know? That’s usually what my friends and I do.”

“Yeah, I see what you mean. You should come with us tomorrow night, that’s pretty much what we’re gonna do at the park.”

“I’d love to but Sirius and I are going on a date then.”

“Really? He didn’t say anything about it.”

“Must have had the lunch with his parents on his mind.”

“I suppose he did.”

“I promise I’ll have him home by midnight, sir.”

“Hah. You better come introduce yourself to us when you pick him up.”

“Would have, but he’s the one picking me up from work.”

“Right, right.”

“Hey, James, I wanted to say... Sirius and I had a short talk this morning about his ex, and I’m not going to make any grand promises but like, I promise I try very hard not to be an asshole to people.”

“He talked to you about - him? Voluntarily?”

“Yeah, we were talking boundaries and it came up.”

“Right. Well, good for you. I’m sorry you think I’m a dickhead about this, but Sirius is… Sirius is like family to me and I don’t want to see him hurt like this again.”

“I understand that.”

“Good. Lily likes you, if that makes it any better. She’s a good judge of character so let’s say I’m not going to purposefully dye your hair pink just yet.”

“How do you non-purposefully dye someone else’s hair pink?”

“Ask Peter.”

“I’ll keep it in mind to.”

“Marls is also voting for you, though I’m not sure I trust their judgement now that they’ve lived with you, they could be corrupted.”

“Wait, is there an actual voting happening?”

“Nothing to concern yourself about.”

“Can I just know who’s voting?”

“No can do. It’d be a breach in the privacy of my electors.”

“Ri-ght.”

“Oh, dance party. Gotta go!”

“Okay? Bye?”

we’re going clubbing later wanna join?

not much for clubbing but have fun!

actually i’m coming back to central london to have drinks with a couple of friends

dyou wanna meet up for a round or two before dancing starts?

nah everyone is short on money at the end of the month

the clubbing is already an exception

is everyone getting all pretty and ready to dance the night away

YES

(pic)

that’s a lot of glitter

WE LOVE GLITTER

all right then

glitter on

YES

i have never looked this queer and believe me i have tried many times before

i am very proud of myself

pic or it didnt happen

wait

its on facebook

aw you all look really cute

you in particular look v sexy

im liking the short shorts

thanks

have u seen the shoes

i bet im as tall as u

lily is taller than u on that picture

lily has fucking stilts on she’s cheating

haha all right then

we’re having a just dance party warm up with james approved food and lots of cocktails

how are your drinks and friends

good good

no fancy cocktails has been made for me by a pretty boy but the beer is cheap and i havnt seen these friends in a while so im happy we can catch up

we had our last exam last week and we’re celebrating

oh really

did u do well

well mister first of the class probably not as well as u

but it’s the queer history one so i’m hoping for a 65-70%

AT LEAST

hopefully teacher takes into consideration how much more right than everyone else i am and gives me points for that

haha

fingers crossed

congrats on finishing!

i’ll have a drink in ur honour

thanks love

we can celebrate tomorrow

;)

;) ;)

;) ;) ;)

my turn to play ttyl

can u send me a pic

stalk it out of me

will u believe me if i say this was my friend

hah i’ll believe u this time only

r u talking abt me to ur friends moony

mayyyybe

are u saying how pretty i am

maybe.

they think i’m exaggerating

dont u have enough pictures of me to prove them wrong

hah it felt weird showing u off

show me off moony

print a picture of me and put it on your house’s front door

i’m totally okay with it

“ok. fine. you weren’t exaggerating.”

second friend: “does he have a sister”

#nice

bella’s single but i don’t think she’s looking for a romantic relationship

i dont think she’d want to date a 19 years old anyway

moony r u hanging with 19yolds

hah yeah

they’re from my classes so yeah kids

little babies who’ve just left home

one of them hasnt actually oh my god

i feel so old

cute

how old were u when u left your mothers?

huh the real answer is kind of long but short version: 18 when i moved here for threesome ex

when do i get the long answer

ask me again when i’m not being made fun of for texting

will do

i’m on my way home i hope the club-going prep is going well and the glitter is glittering

glitter has been reapplied, lipstick has been refreshed, outfits have been complimented

hair has been hairsprayed

we are ready but is london?

answer at sunrise.

haha have fun

i might not see sunrise but i’ll be up ‘til 3-4ish if you want to give me any updates

i’ll make it my mission

haha okay

have fun love

i will

we’re at the club in the queue

looking good as ever

i bet

how long is the queue

well its a monday so not too long but we’ve been here before and it should be fun either way

im sure you guys will make it fun anyway

pretty much

i am so excited

just dance hasnt done the trick i need to have music blasted at me

you’re adorable

i’m never gonna be able to follow you to the number of parties you go to but i promise i’ll be there to nurse you back to human in the mornings

tea and baths and hair petting as much as you like

mmmm that sounds good

as long as you dont mind my partying i dont mind your not partying

we’re good then

marls and dorcas are having a competition to see who breaks first and says lets go home

peter is pushing dorcas im pushing marls. they are so staying all night.

huh?

theyre not party people but peter told dorcas marls wanted to go and i told marls dorcas wanted to go

and now its like “im dressed lets go!” “u...well im paying for us!!” “well im dancing already! look at me!”

“darling, im blind.”

haha

u little manipulator u

pete is the mastermind

its really working gotta give him that

good job on the manipulation peter

i’ll pass it along

we’re going in!!!!!! dancing!!!!!! update later!!!!!

have fun!!!!!

pros of going to a lgbt club: little to no straights

cons: CANT BE LEFT ALONE

aww

too pretty to live

I JUST WANNA DANCE

give them really mean looks

im gonna look my coolest

ice them out, elsa

im not even gonna check if this is what i think it is

just let it happen

my friends are amazing

i know

whats their latest achievement

i’m dancing back to a wall and they’re making a circle in front of me i am safe i am dancing i am happy

give them high fives for me

HAHA MARLS IS BEING FLIRTED WITH

dorcas’ gonna make everyone dance back to the wall

they kept yelling at the girl “I CANT SEE YOU”

and the girl was like “IM RIGHT HERE”

I LAUGHED TOO HARD MY STOMACH HURTS

oh my god oh my god oh my god

lily broke one of her stilts im DYING

we were doing the jumpy thing and it was like jump jump jump oh wheres lily

ON THE FCKNG FLOOR

poor lily

shes barefoot

“the floors sticky”

“WANNA WIPE IT W/ UR ARSE AGAIN”

HIGH FIVE JAMES

im gonna guess drunk you isn’t the kindest you

JAMES SAID IT NOT ME TAKE IT UP WITH HIM

i'm too scared of james to even try

lily complained til i gave her my shoes

are the floors really that sticky then

i had tennis shoes in my bag moony

my bare feet wont touch that floor god fuckng knows what HASNT been on it

right

are u back to hobbit size then

shut up

their drinks are WEAK

dont drink just dance

too much dancing im thirsty

dont say that too loud they can smell the opportunities for bad pickup lines

peter is making sure i look taken

that or he’s revising his stance on heterosexuality

i hope it’s the first one

tho now im shocked that peter is straight

is ur power just a myth in the end

hahaha no im fuckng w/ him he used to say he was bi

he was super into a boy a few years ago but it went to shits rlly quickly

there was an asking for someone’s hand involved and ever since he’s not mentioned boys that way

ouch

so now he’s the token heterosexual

hahahha yes

………….

scratch that the token heterosexual has his tongue down a boys throat.

james

james?

james????

JAMES????

oh my god moony

james was comng my way the mssg ddnt send

it was some random club boy he’s over it already hes back w/ us

hes so drunk hes gonna get SO MUCH SHIT FOR THIS

wouldnt expect any less

too much dancing need break

fresh air?

london air

sadly no stars

im gonna refrain from the obvious joke

i appreciate it

are ur body guards w/ u?

marls and lily

dorcas is inside she’s so fckng into it im gonna drag her w/ us ALL THE TIME

haha is marls liking it?

yeah there was a lot of people bumping at first but then they came near the wall w/ me we’re good

this feels so good

i’m glad ur having a good time

i meant the air

aaah

but fun

the clubs fun

im having fun

good good

im gonna go back in

all right

more fun times ahead

yes

bye moony

bye padfoot

im gonna sleep soon

i hope u have a really good time and not too many people try to have a pass at u

MOONY NO

????

stay w/ me im peeing

oh my god

im in the queue for the loos not peeing now moony

aah

well

i’ll stay w/ u for a little while but then im gonna sleep it is 4am

4am of fun

4am of yawning moony

shhh

shhh yourself

im having fun

thats good

im glad

ur not jealous at all

jealous of what?

attention

im getting

too much of it

oh well i cant exactly expect people not to notice how pretty u are darling

theyre annoying

is someone w/ u rn?

peter

hes so so so pissed

anymore drunken make out to reports?

FOUR SO FAR

good god

well good for you peter

its so unhygienci

unhygneic

dont sprain something i get it

and well as long as he’s having fun

germs moony

yes, germs

too many

some people like germs more than other

i dont want to touch anyones germs w my face

not before the third date huh?

just one person

just 1

not FOUR 4

just one 1

just one 1

good to know

moony

yeah love

im a bit drunk

i couldnt tell

okay im less drunk

pissed all the alcohol out

and had a couple glasses of water

and im back outside

james and i are preparing the choreography

i honestly wish i wasnt so sleepy

please keep telling me whats happening so i can laugh tomorrow

“Oh my God, Sirius-”

“Don’t go to sleep just yet please, please, please.”

“...Okay, but just a couple of minutes. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I didn’t want your accent to disappear.”

“Jesus fucking christ.”

“Moony.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be mad.”

“... I’m not mad, love. You’re making me smile.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, you’re a funny drunk. I’m not mad.”

“Promise?”

“I promise I’m not mad.”

“Okay. James is dancing.”

“What’s he dancing to?”

“Dancing Queen.”

“Why did I even ask. How’s the choreography looking?”

“Sloppy. Not easy.”

“I’m sure you can do it.”

“He’s not, he’s not even, dancing. He’s just, his body is doing things, and he’s not-”

(“Look at the outfit of that dude!”)

“Got a problem, WANKER!”

“Padfoot oh my God! Wha-”

(“You’re talking to me?”)

“Yeah I fucking am! Say that in front of me!”

(“You think I’m scared of some-”)

“Padfoot!”

“You think I’m scared of some DICKHEAD?”

(“What the fuck do you w-”)

“Come on then!”

“Sirius!!”

“Moooooooony! T’such a, a, shame you’re not here with us right now. Jimmy! Jimmy! James, come here! Jimmy was magnificent. The size of that bruise - James! Tell Moony about the size of that bruise.”

“Are you even-”

“It’s so! Moony, I was magnificient!”

“You were, Jimmy. Thank you. Thank you, really. Bottom of my heart, James Potter.”

“No one talks like that to my brother, brother.”

“Same, bro. So much same, brother.”

“I love you, Padfoot.”

“I love you too, Prongs.”

“Who’s that on the phone?”

“Moony, I think. Moony, James was magnificent.”

“I’m sure he was, Sirius, for God’s sake, are you all-”

“I was. I want a medal, I want it on a shirt, I want- oh my God, Peter is throwing up again, I’ll be-”

“James went to take care of Peter, Moony. We’re going back dancing. I wanna dance again. I’m going to dance all night, Moony. Peter is gonna be banned from drinking, though, this is just ridiculous.”

“Okay, but are you-”

“LET’S GO PEOPLE!”

“YEAH! Bye, Moony, love you!”

“By-”

Notes:

Here is a round up post of all the amazing things people have been doing for ATB!

It also links you to emaly's tumblr, if you prefer asks to comments. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 10 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

text me when you’re up please

i am very sorry to announce that there will be no morning selfies today

not feeling okay?

nah s'fine

but my hangover face would break the camera

all right

generally fine otherwise?

yeah

my brain is gonna be a bit slow this morning i think

but im fine

still on for tonight or do you need some time to recover?

nah i’ll be okay

i'm mostly fine

im gonna get up in a bit

all right

keep me updated on how that goes

u just want to laugh at me

dont :) me

it was a nice :)

that face is evil

evil

Evil.

no more smileys then.

good

im gonna get up

maybe

good luck

i had just put my two feet on the ground when i got a message from my mother

she hasn't had my phone number in five years

she’s not even supposed to have it now for that matter

im going back under the cover

ouch

nice message?

i guess

sorta

she made an appointment to the hairdresser for me

“only if you want to, of course.”

at least she took some lessons in manners since the last time she texted me

oh my god

are u going?

eeeh idk

i did want to get a haircut this summer

well

is it paid for

im gonna go with yes bc i just googled the salon’s prices and i could eat for a month with that

i just. love your family.

same.

ok lily and i are going to the hairdresser

nice of her to hold ur hand

she wants to see if she can get something done for free

…i guess it’s good priorities

i was like “what living off me isnt enough u’re gonna steal my hairdresser appointments too”

“yes.”

hah

dont forget to check if it’s paid for before she gets anything done

ive half a mind not to, just to see her face

she’d probably try to glue her hair back on

“see!!! u havent actually done anything to it!!”

don’t get anyone jailed on the day of our date

aw but it’d make for such a good story!

nah i like lily i want her safe and sound

pfff

fine i guess

u busy?

im at work yeah

okay

why?

wanted to call

my boss takes a break in a bit i’ll call then

okay

“Hi.”

“Hey. How’s work going?”

“All right. The usual. What’s up?”

“Nothing much. Just wanted to chat.”

“All right.”

“Mm… you sound a bit tired.”

“Yeah. Falling asleep was a bit difficult last night.”

“Why?”

“You genuinely sound curious.”

“...why?”

“Christ.”

“...Err, I mean, I’ve read through our convo… kik doesn't show much, but it didn’t seem like…”

“Right. So you don’t remember fighting some random-”

“OH! Oh, yeah, oh my god, was I calling you at the same time?”

“Well, before and afterward, yes.”

“Oh. Err, well, he deserved it? I mean, he was insulting how I was dressed and -”

“No, I’m sure he deserved it. It’s just that after that you called me telling me about bruises and I could guess you were fine, but I could have used a bit more information.”

“Oh. Huh, well, we were at each other’s throats and he was more than ready to punch me but James shoved me aside, took the punch, and then got him in the stomach. And retaliated at the dickhead’s face, too.”

“Jesus Christ. Is James all right?”

“He’s fine! He’s perfectly fine. His oldies at the swimming club are going to have a field day fussing over him tomorrow but he’ll live.”

“And you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, like I told you, James pushed me aside before anything happened, wanted all the heroic glory for himself, the little -”

“Christ, Sirius. You were insulted in the street, right in front of your regular club, and you had to defend yourself. Are you okay?”

“I - yeah. Yeah, I’m - I’m fine. Happens, Moony, you know.”

“Yeah, I fucking know. Doesn’t mean it’s not something completely terrifying and that it can’t shake you up a bit.”

“You kinda give off the vibe that you’d have fought them for me, too, a little here.”

“Pfft, right. I’d have defended you if it came to, but you’d throw better punches than me. I’ve never been in a fight in my life.”

“Really?”

“Hanging with girls, remember? The biggest fight I’ve ever been involved in was solved around a cup of tea, by agreeing that the guy they were fighting for was actually a tool to be double dating them. Then they talked shit about how he kissed.”

“Hah! Good for them.”

“It was the talk of the school. I loved to hum Not One of Us every time I passed him by.”

“Is that… from Lion King?”

“The second one, yeah.”

“Moony, you’re a gift to the world.”

“And you’re a twat for getting into a fight whilst drunk off your face.”

“Yeah. Sorry for worrying you.”

“I feel like I’ll have to come next time just to make sure you’re all right.”

“You could stay at mine’s and see for yourself when I got home.”

“I’m really going to be thinking about it.”

“Haha, sure. Anything else you want an update on?”

“Mmm… how much does Peter regret kissing this many strangers?”

“OH MY GOD!”

“You’d forgotten about it.”

“I’d forgotten about it! I need to fix this immediately! I’ll call you back!”

“Tell Peter I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, this is going to be amazing!”

“Mm, talk to you later then.”

“Bye!”

“You can’t possibly already be out of jokes.”

“Hah, no, I just, wanted to make - just wanted to say… I’m really sorry about last night, if you really were worried or - I didn’t mean to, hum, worry you or anything.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t - out of my mind worried, I just… I knew you weren’t dying in a ditch so at least there was that.”

“Huh, yeah. And I promise I don’t - this doesn’t happen often. I don’t actually go looking for homophobes to fight -”

“I’m not blaming you about this, Pads, and I’m not really mad about the hanging up on me, I could tell you were drunk. I’m just - it kept me awake a bit so I’m a bit grumpy about it, but I’m not angry.”

“Ok. I just wanted to make sure - so, we’re good?”

“Yeah. I’ll think about sleeping at yours to make sure you get home safe, though.”

“Hah - don’t worry, I always go out with James and Pete and not - well, not looking as queer if I’m not with them. Though Dorcas is a mean fighter, you should see her tackling some guys twice her size at football, she really goes full body into it.”

“Hah. Okay. I’m really not implying that you started anything, yeah? I heard him insult you. Violence calls for violence, and all that.”

“Well, that’s really not a Gandhi quote.”

“I’m not big on Gandhi.”

“Really? It’s - wait, I really need to start on the making fun of Peter, can I call you later?”

“Yeah, all right, I have my lunch break at half past one.”

“All right. I’ll make fun of him and see what we do with this hairdresser thing and then I’ll call.”

“Busy morning.”

“I’ll try to find time for a selfie.”

“I hope so.”

“I also was promised a picture yesterday but we never got around to it.”

“Huh? What are you talking about? My ex?”

“Hah no - never mind. See you later, Moony.”

“... all right. See you later, Pads.”

oooooh okay

it took me a while

(dick pic)

how bad would you take it if i told u lily saw that

christ

...

how bad did *she* take it

laughed, said “nice!!!” and high fived me

oh my god

well.

thanks, lily.

i’ll pass it along

wbu tho

nice!!!

i’ll high five u later.

good god

all right we got some snacks and we’re at the hairdresser

she and her assistant have been completely paid for for the next two hours

tho apparently my mother told them i’d be with james bc she looked at lily like “this is not indian hair”

idk lily could be like

0.6% indian

omg

we’re lucky she’s not that type of white girl

tho she’s absurdly proud of being irish

maybe it’s the pots of gold

oh my god moony

i cant say that to her she has ammunition against you

you really dont want james and peter to know you asked about the stars

i never know if i like your friends or if i fear them

bit of both’s healthy id say

i’ll keep it in mind

when we left james made a joke like “you’ve been saying you’ll get a haircut for four years but i've yet to see it”

so now lily is talking with the hairdresser about cutting her hair

as in

all of it

well

time for a change maybe?

noooooooooooooo

i dont like change

and i wont have anyone to try hairstyles with

alices hair is pretty long

moony alices hair is to her shoulders

thats not long?

moony do u know how long my hair is rn

err

long?

it’s down the middle of my back

lily’s just about the same

we’ve been hair twinsies foreveeeer

jesus christ

im sure she’ll still do ur hair if u ask nicely

:((((((

ur not sympathising enough

im at work love

i thought there was never anyone in

yeah

except when there is

or when my boss wants to redo the entire shop’s organisation on a whim

also she talks a lot and she knows when i dont listen

this day is just tragic

im sure it’ll look up

i hope you find that it does.

our date is aaaaaaaaages away moony

seven hours

…r u counting

...no.

and how many mins

well

six hours fifty five minutes

omg

and u say ure busy

i like my job but not that much

im flattered i can be ur comfort at the end of a long day

yeah yeah i just want to laugh at ur new haircut

meanie

also a hug would be nice

only if u dont laugh

i’ll do my best

u better

whats ur boss talking to u about?

what shes cooking for dinner this friday

hows the haircutting?

im all done but lily decided on changing her hair colour too

will james even recognise her

she was on the phone w/ him earlier and she was saying she feels like a new woman and she’ll probably have to divorce him to really experience the freedom at 100%

and james “whats freedom to someone who still has five exams to get through”

she hung up

ah, to be young and in love

well

hopefully at some point

its not jarring at all when u dont answer and i’ve ended the convo on something like that

lalalalalalala

moony moony moony

moooooooonyyyyyyy

i want an r

an e

an m

a u

an s

lets hear it for

re-mus re-mus

weeeeeee

something tells me ur still a little bit drunk

best way to avoid a hangover is a drink right when u wake up

i feel sick just thinking about it

……

yeah. hopefully.

i wasnt ignoring that

u could have been

i wasnt

sorry

yes, hopefully.

do u want a heart with that

least u can do really

yes, hopefully. <3

now i do feel a little bit sick

u love it

kinda do

i figured

not u?

ughhhhhhh

im not gonna talk to u anymore when ur at work this is awful

yeah sorry

and yeah i actually do

im not good at big romantic gestures i guess

but i like small things like this yeah

sorry

did i hear this right

from the person who moved out of his homeland to the south of england for a girl

hah

yeah

okay maybe i do like big romantic gestures

they dont come up often tho

i save them up for one big one

can ur next big romantic gesture be to remove ur tattoo

leave my tattoo alone

change ur bloody name

u said u liked it

im gonna have a constellation done next just to spite u

omg

i’ll be able to tell u a family story about every star on it itd be fun

oh my god

id forgotten ALL the people in your family have to live with this

yeah

ddnt anyone at any point think ‘ok maybe not’

actually my aunt did

cissy is called narcissa

but it didnt exactly go down well

do i get to know

i was waiting to see if u were still there

i am

good

so my aunt is actually from a normal family

well

normalish.

but anyway

she knows our family is very much into these names and her first born can’t escape it

so bella gets the normal ‘oh what name hasnt been used in the last century ok this one sounds the least difficult to shorten lets go with that’

yeah

then my uncle is asking her if she wants to have another kid and shes like

“only if i get to pick the name no backsies”

mmm

so all right he agrees they’re young they’re in love etc

i can feel this isnt going to end well

ur not a psychic i already told u it didnt

shh go on

so theres this family particularity that i like to call

‘please diversify the gene pool’

because we dont

dont laugh its real

we don’t have hair until we’re like three years old

and then around then by some miracle of nature the hair starts to appear

my boss asked what was making me laugh so much

i had to promise to tell her once u were done

sure share my family issues

i have to now

but that also means im free to text u for the next five mins

so lets do this

bald babies.

its a thing

its not just us, too

i checked.

of course

ANYWAY

so cissy is born yay

bald baby yay

and as she grows up everyone is like “hahahaha it looks like she’s blonde a bit doesnt it”

uh-oh

and then around three nature does its magic

dun dun dun

“haha … ha ha…. it does look like shes blonde a bit doesnt it. shes blonde. this baby is blonde.”

omg

so they wait it out a bit

but cissy is DEFINITELY blonde

and just so we’re clear my family is like 95% asian traits

and 5% french poshness

shut up

but yeah

so blonde hair on an asian baby didnt go down too well did it

it really didnt

biggest fight ever happened

ive been told my leaving the family at 16 was just a temper tantrum in comparison

right

so the family is divided

in fair verona where we lay our scene

did she cheat on her husband who she seems to be quite in love with

or was she just in love with his bank account

u fckng nerd

didnt a paternity test occur to them

but u dont understand moony

she’s in love!!! she hasn’t cheated!!!! doing a paternity test would be an OFFENCE to how pure her love is!!!

oh my god.

so?

so nothing

....there has got to be an ending to this story

thats the thing

there isnt

we still dont know

genetic hazard? torrid affair?

the mystery is still complete.

didnt ur cousin go and do the fucking paternity test herself?

she might have

never told me about it tho

i should ask

u should

resolve a family secret

unearth ten more

thats how it works

brb

lily is the bald baby now

really?

well

its short

shorter than she said when we were talking about it

u pay a hairdresser this much and they still fuck up when u tell them “just a trim, thanks”

my dreams are shattered

i dont wanna be rich anymore

whats the point

i think she must have decided that when i was texting bc shes really happy about it

no more twinsies then

im really a little bit upset i’ll be honest

i should hope so with the dramatics earlier

pah

so did u get anything done to yours?

yeah yeah but lily

what the fuck lily

i thought we were in this together

leave the girl alone

im being forced to take pictures i can complain

tell her she looks pretty

(pic)

tell her urself

aw she does too look pretty

tell her it fits her really well

nooooo

i’ll tell her on facebook

dont u have work to do

i do at that

tty and ur pretty friend later

ughhhh

watcha doing moony

having lunch pads

watcha having for lunch moony

pastrami sandwich pads

did u make it urself

hah no

i complained to my friend emma abt not having slept enough so she’s feeding me “proper food” to keep me energised

im glad theres a movement i can join about that

my mums the leader

i texted her a pic of the sandwich actually

i bet she was proud

she was

there was spinach on the side

she texted emma to thank her

it’s an active movement too, i like that

where do i sign up

har har

but in reality we have an agreement

she’s dyslexic so i reread her uni work and in exchange she feeds me from time to time

nice deal

yeah she didnt like when it was one sided

i didnt care but when my mum came to visit in january they came up with this

i’m perfectly fine living off toast and mcdonalds and occasionally cooking dinner with the roommates

lived all my adult years without veggies, turned out fine

but apparently i need caretakers

nah

u just really need james in your life

so u never actually ate junk food as a teen huh?

you guys met young didnt u?

yeah

but im joking he wasnt so into health when we were teens thats quite recent

now im curious to know what happened

hah

actually

yes?

ugh the signal cut off

i was gonna say that i might actually get to soho in a bit

oh really?

yeah

i might be in soho

in a bit.

like soon.

i'm near leiceseter square at Bathsheba café for abt thirty mins more

or the shop is two streets down if u wanna come say hi later

Sirius unzips his bomber jacket, taking advantage of his reflection in the window to make sure he looks good enough to go in. He’s a bit pale from his night out but the red lip tint gives his face enough colour that it doesn’t show much. It’ll have to do, anyway, since he has already told Remus he was on his way.

He tries to spot him inside the café but all he can see is different versions of the same hipster, over and over again: beards, beers, and clean button down shirts, a bit too polished to be Sirius’ crowd. He walks in and scans the room again. Remus, it turns out, is seated with his own crisp button down and beer, still clean shaven but not looking out of place here. His phone is resting on the table next to his half finished drink and his eyes are lost on a book, big headphones on his ears cutting him from the rest of the world.

“What can I get you?” The waitress distractedly asks Sirius, holding her hijab to her chest as she brushes a sponge on a free table.

Sirius immediately recognizes her and gives a friendly smile she doesn’t look at. “Just a bottle of sparkling water, please.”

“I’ll be right there-”

“Actually, I’ll be sitting over there,” he points in Remus’ direction but she only gives another nod. “All right,” he says more to himself as she has her back turned to him and her attention to another client.

He plays with the strings of the Apple bag in his hand, taking a quick breath to give himself confidence. This isn’t a test, like Lily has commented, and so what if it’s James who has suggested it - it’s totally not a test.

Sirius pulls back the chair from under the small wooden table, “Hello.”

It takes Remus the time that he puts his jacket down to notice Sirius' presence but a smile quickly appears on his face then.

“Hey, you,” he says, taking the headphones down to his neck. “That was fast.”

Sirius shrugs, sitting down. “I was already nearby.”

“What were you doing in Soho?” Remus asks with a cheeky grin.

Sirius shrugs again, crossing his legs. “Visiting.”

Remus snorts. “Well,” he says, carelessly closing his book and pushing it on the table, “hi.”

He moves in for a hug, the sweet intention cut short by the green bottle placed in front of them that has Remus look back to the waitress then back to Sirius.

“Sparkling water, really?”

“It’s just water,” Sirius says defensively, giving a small smile to Emma. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Cake, darling?”

“Nah, thanks - you want anything to eat?” Remus asks him, his eyes still going back to the sparkling water.

“Cake sounds good.”

Emma expertly lists off five different sorts, and Sirius settles on the chocolate one without really feeling hungry for it. As Emma turns after a wink for Remus, Remus takes his headphones off and puts his arm back around Sirius’ shoulders.

“Hi,” he says again, “posh boy.”

“It’s just water,” Sirius pouts but returns the embrace, in which his cheek gets kissed and Remus smells even better than he had at the party, all subtle cologne and sweet, cute boy who has yet to show a single personal flaw. It’s a stupidly enticing smell.

“Yeah, sure,” Remus smiles. “Nice haircut,” he adds taking a strand of hair and curling it around his finger. “Still looks pretty long to me.”

Sirius snorts, taking his phone out of his jacket to show him the picture he’s taken of the length of hair the hairdresser cut off.

“That’s ten centimeters,” he tells Remus.

Remus leans back to see where Sirius' hair falls now and fine, it’s still below Sirius’ shoulders. But it hasn’t been this short since he was fourteen, and when he tells Remus so, Remus smiles.

“Did you always have long hair?”

“Yeah,” Sirius replies, his face screwed up in concentration. “Or, longer than usual. It’s never been short. I always wanted to have it like my cousins and I made every hairdresser visit a nightmare, so they let me have it.”

"Very devious,” Remus tells him, still looping a strand of hair around his fingers, softly enough that Sirius doesn't feel the pull from where some of his hair is pulled back with a barrette clip. “Your hair’s so pretty,” Remus tells him almost childishly, “I like it.”

Sirius grins. “Thanks.”

Remus eventually lets his hand drop, falling onto Sirius’ shoulder, softly tracing patterns on his skin with the tip of his fingers.

“What’s that?” he asks about the bag Sirius is trying to find a safe place for.

“Pete’s present.”

Remus stretches the bag open with one hand, keeping his other arm around Sirius.

“Fucking christ,” he says when he sees what it is, “please tell me it’s part of your revenge.”

“Huh, not really. Though now that you mention it, I could put his old one in and have him open it and-”

“Sirius, you’re giving him a macbook? As a holiday present?”

“The idea is to get as much money out of the credit cards as I can before we start fighting and they freeze the accounts,” Sirius explains light-heartedly. “And Patroclus peed on Peter’s computer last week because Pete stepped on Achilles’ tail.”

“I- I don’t even-”

“I told you they were protective of each other.”

Remus closes his eyes, leaning his forehead on Sirius’ shoulder in despair. It looks half real, but Remus also giggles before he speaks, “Your cats conspired to break his computer.”

“Well, it’s still working,” Sirius corrects. "He just complains about the smell. So much. You’d hear him, it’s like he doesn’t work with kids. Can’t handle anything that’s not freshly cleaned and smelling of roses.”

Remus straightens up, biting his lips and shaking his head. “This - this isn’t a good enough reason to buy someone a computer,” he breathes. “But ok, let’s just - just don’t remind me how much it costs.”

“Deal.” Sirius shrugs. “Anyway, what do you think? Switching the computer?”

“Wouldn’t he expect you to do something like that?”

“Yeah, probably, but there’s not much to do anyway.”

“Mm, could personalize this one a little. Set it up for him, you know.”

Sirius smiles. “You’ve got a few minutes to spare?”

Remus grins, all boyish mischief. “Sure.”

They’re working on it when the cake arrives. Emma ruffles Remus’ hair and gives them a small, tight smile before she’s rushing to take other hipsters’ orders. The cake actually tastes quite good, which Sirius expresses his surprise at as he moves the plate toward Remus.

“Trying to look involved for the movement?”

“It’s small actions that make a difference,” Sirius finds himself grinning. “You don’t like chocolate cake?”

Remus shakes his head. “I do, but don’t feel obligated to share, really. I don’t actually need to be fed,” he smiles more tightly. “You really don’t have to worry about that.”

“I always share my food,” Sirius tries to explain - he hates this, those little side steps he has to take when the person doesn’t know him well enough to understand the intention behind his words. This is why dating is always such a chore. “I really don’t mind. Peter and Lily never let me eat anything in peace,” he adds as an example, “now it’s weird when I do.”

“All right, then. Thanks.”

They settle for having the computer’s language in Vietnamese despite Sirius saying that he doesn’t read it and that they’ll need to do everything else by guessing. The computer now answers to the name of Wormtail and Sirius ponders aloud about adding stickers to its back.

Remus has kept his arm around his shoulders, mindlessly playing his fingers on his naked shoulder. It feels good, and Sirius feels good joking with him, talking to Remus is easy when he’s always smiling and interested in what he has to say. But Remus hasn’t had any reaction whatsoever to Sirius’ skirt and as Sirius crosses his legs again, bumping lightly into Remus’ knee, all he gets is another sweet smile.

“We could do something to the backdrop,” Remus continues on.

“Mm,” Sirius thinks, taking another bite of cake, “embarrassing picture? Or something he hates?”

“I was thinking a picture of you,” Remus laughs, “give him a reminder of who got him an almost thousand pounds worth of holiday souvenir.”

“I should have gotten that tee-shirt embroidered in gold,” Sirius retorts rolling his eyes.

He keeps the spoon in his mouth, moving the cursor around until he finds what will let them change the background. Remus is mouthing the words mockingly back to him, adding a barely audible derogatory ‘rich boy’ to it.

“How about a selfie?” Sirius asks brightly.

Remus doesn’t look too happy about the idea and automatically, Sirius starts pouting.

“All right,” Remus says, nudging him, “I just - it’s just that I just ate and I don’t know, I’m feeling super self-conscious, what if there’s spinach in my teeth?”

Sirius laughs, shaking his head. “Show me.”

Remus puts his hand on the side of his mouth to at least spare the other customers as he shows Sirius his teeth.

“You’re fine.”

“God,” Remus says, giggling a little, “I didn’t think we were already at that point in our relationship.”

The word makes Sirius smile, “Apparently we are.”

“Good to know. Let’s ruin this shiny new thing with our faces,” he jokes and then turns to look at him. “Actually, can you even make a proper grimace or is your face perpetually stuck on the pretty mode?”

Sirius does a mix of rolling his eyes and smiling but he knows he’s blushing a little too since Remus grins a little wider. Then he shows him that he can, too, make a proper grimace and Remus laughs.

In the end, they take enough pictures that some of them end up genuinely good. Remus asks him to send him one of them and so Sirius feels a little less desperate for wanting another for his phone.

“I’m just gonna cut myself out of the picture,” Remus adds with a kiss on his cheek, which he’s been doing periodically during the picture taking and the fact that Sirius can see himself blush in the photobooth app makes him lean back to glare. But the glare is ineffective. Remus is still smiling at him and Sirius’ facade lasts barely a second before he’s smiling as well, shaking his head.

“You look cute,” Sirius shrugs.

Remus snorts. “I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to look cute standing next to you. Like, I thought I was exaggerating a little but - you’re really…”

“You’re just saying this to make me blush.”

“Mostly,” Remus grins. “Though you blushed a lot easier with innuendos.”

“I like compliments better,” Sirius lightheartedly says.

“I figured.”

Remus’ smile is softer and Sirius leans to kiss his cheek back, giving another light peck for the five he’s gotten since he sat down.

“You’re sweet,” Remus says, his eyes twinkling and Sirius can’t help looking at his lips, thinking about kissing him despite James’ loud protests, despite what happened the last time he crushed on a boy just because he happened to pay attention to him.

“You’re sweet,” Sirius retorts softly. “I’m just -”

Emma sits in front of them, making Sirius lean back to his chair.

“All done making faces, kids?”

“All done serving hipsters?” Sirius answers without missing a beat, softening his sharp tongue with a smile.

“God, yes, I hate working lunches. ‘Is this gluten free’, ‘is this vegan’, ‘can you replace soy milk with anything else? Not milk of course’.”

“I can see why you’re friends,” Sirius says to Remus.

“United against health,” Remus says. “Even though you’re making fun of your own people,” he adds to Emma.

“Nah, my people don’t bother the waiters,” she assures. “We pack our own vegan meals and don’t ask for fixed menus to be changed.”

“I didn’t know vegans had superiority contests inside their own group,” Sirius smiles.

“James isn't like that?” Remus asks.

“Well, he’s more of a pack your own meal kind of vegan,” Sirius shrugs. “He eats vegetarian when we eat out.”

“See?” Emma says with a deep sigh. “He’s my people. Unless he’s white, then I don’t want to be associated with him.”

Sirius snorts. “He’s Indian. I’ll tell him I’ve found a kindred spirit.”

“Oh, bring him tomorrow,” Emma says, stretching her tired arms. “I’m never done bashing carnivores, but maybe he can give my spiel some freshness.”

“Ah- ” Remus starts as the same time as Sirius asks, “What’s tomorrow?”

“Oh,” Emma says looking at Remus.

“Didn’t have time to bring it up yet,” Remus explains.

Sirius leans back into his chair, trying to get further from Remus but his arm is still around his shoulder and suddenly it’s uncomfortable. Sirius runs his tongue on his teeth, willing himself to wait for the next words without making a scene.

“There’s an open mic poetry night,” Remus says looking at the table, “Emma’s going to participate.”

“And Remus is too,” Emma grins. “Once with me, and once on his own like a big boy. You wanna come?”

Sirius tries not to show any emotions, still reeling from not knowing but taken aback by poetry night, “I didn’t know about it.”

Remus shifts in his chair. “I’m not even sure I’m doing it, to be honest.”

“Of course he is,” Emma pokes his tongue at Remus. “He just needs a little encouragement.”

“I’ll be there to cheer you on,” Remus promises, then looks at Sirius. “Do you want to come?”

Sirius shrugs. “I’ve training tomorrow night. At what time is it?”

“Eight.”

“We finish at half past.”

“Don’t trouble yourself,” Remus shakes his head at the same time that Emma says:

“You’ll have plenty of time to be there. It lasts through to eleven, sometimes midnight.”

“Don’t bother,” Remus repeats, “Emma is great, and there are some good poems usually, but mostly it’s not really -”

Emma cuts in. “At least we could move the one we do together to the later time and we’ll do that when you’re here, Sirius? But you rehearsed yours,” she adds with a disapproving face, “you should get to do it too.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Sirius says eventually. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Remus smiles at him. “I rather you didn’t. It’s going to be super embarrassing.”

“I like your poem,” Emma defends him.

Remus shifts again, and Sirius thinks there’s no way Emma will drop the subject until it’s settled that he will participate but she does:

“We’re going to have drinks at mine afterward,” she adds. “If you want to join us for that bit.”

“I’ll see what I can do, thanks.”

“Great,” Emma says with a note of disbelief in her voice. “All right, I’m gonna drop this apron and go find my sweet sweet bed for a well deserved nap. See you tomorrow, darling.”

“Yeah,” Remus smiles.

“Bye, Sirius.”

“Bye,” Sirius says as convincingly as he can. “When do you have to go to work?” he adds to Remus.

“Five minutes ago,” Remus smiles.

“Let’s go, then?”

Sirius thinks the time has come for Remus to make note of his skirt when they get up. But Remus only slips his book in his back pocket, keeps his headphones in one hand and hands Sirius his jacket with the other.

“Spain got you used to another kind of summer, did it?”

Sirius restrains himself from the obvious, ‘I’m wearing a skirt’, since Remus eyes dart to at his legs before coming back to his face, so he just shrugs.

“Cool people need jackets.”

“I’m never going to live this down,” Remus mutters, walking to the till.

“Probably not,” Sirius grins in his back.

As they wait for one of the waiters to come to them, they bicker about who will pay and Sirius relaxes into the banter.

“This isn’t part of the date,” he complains.

“It can be one quarter of a date,” Remus reasons, and with one of Emma’s colleague smiling at Remus like she knows him personally, Sirius knows the fight is lost. “You can pay this year’s tuition for me, if you want.”

“Har, har, don’t tempt me. Once I paid for James’ plane ticket to France because I’d gotten in a fight with one of my cousins and I wanted him there.”

“He did come, didn’t he?”

Sirius smiles. “Of course. Left a note to his parents, grabbed a jacket and he was there within the day.”

“James,” Remus says to summarise. “I didn’t even doubt it. Thanks, Vi.”

“Don’t forget to go back to work,” she waves him off with a smirk.

“You too,” Remus says poking out his tongue at her.

Remus puts his credit card back into his pocket and switches his headphones to the other hand to offer Sirius the free one. “You’re going back shopping, then?” He says as their fingers intertwine. “And then back this way later to pick me up?”

“Yes,” Sirius defiantly says. “Can I see the bookshop first? Or is your boss there?”

“Oh, she is, but she won’t check your religious affiliations before letting you in, you can come.”

Sirius thinks they've fallen back into the rhythm of their conversation at the party. Even though the jokes don’t flow out of his mouth as well as they do via text, he likes the way Remus’ mind works, jumping from hipsters to the ethics of eating vegan food and the rigidity of classifications when meat and fish are more expensive than doing without. As they walk the two streets down the coffee shop, Sirius finds himself explaining what James says from time to time, on how being vegan is what James wants but doing as well as he can to eat as one is as far as he is willing to take it, that he has a hard time skipping on their crêpes when it's such a huge part of their friendship.

“Even though we’ve started doing most stuff without eggs,” Sirius adds to James’ speech.

“Guess you would,” Remus hums, “if one of your friend doesn’t eat something, you work around it, it makes sense to do the same for vegetarians.”

“Yeah, you should hear the fights Peter and he get in about that. It’s been their only subject of conversation since Pete moved in. We cook one dinner each most nights, and Pete hates having to work around this since it’s not an allergy or anything and James does make exceptions if he has to.”

Remus smiles. “Who’s side are you on?”

“James’," Sirius answers easily. "But really, Peter’s kicking and screaming about it but give him a month and he’ll be singing the vegan song as well. He already agrees with all the ethics of it, he’s just not ready to give up cheese just yet.”

“What ‘bout you?” Remus asks, stopping walking.

“I’m - are we there?” Sirius asks peering over Remus’ shoulder, “Is this it?”

“Yeah.”

The shop has a small front window but it’s a well kept one, books in both English and Hebrew spread in artistic displays, broken by child-like drawings depicting - Sirius moves closer, still unable to make out the coloured pictures.

“What are those?”

“We have children over every other Friday afternoon,” Remus explains. “Kind of huh, Sunday School? Except we just draw and tell them kids stories, jewish history, that kind of stuff. Then we showcase their works of art. We were talking about Rosh Hashanah week before last, the jewish new year, and they went wild with it.”

“So are they your testing crowd for your stories?”

“Oh, God, not really. I see what sticks with them, what makes them laugh and such, but no, I’ve never…”

“Wouldn’t your boss let you do it?” Sirius asks looking back at Remus' embarrassed face.

“I don’t know, we keep to semi-religious stuff, mostly, so...”

“Can’t hurt to ask,” Sirius adds light-heartedly.

Remus grimaces a little. “Maybe,” he closes the subject off. “Anyway, I should probably..."

“Right,” Sirius says awkwardly. “Well, I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Remus affirms. Sirius is about to turn when Remus’ voice calls back to him. “Don’t I get a hug?”

“That’s creepy,” Sirius says to him, but he can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips.

“Sorry,” Remus murmurs. “Boundaries.”

“No, no,” Sirius laughs shyly, stepping forward to wrap his arms around Remus’ neck. “Your phrasing was weird, though.”

“Right,” Remus says seriously. “I’ll keep my phrasing in mind.”

Sirius snorts. “I doubt it, hipster kid.”

Remus grumbles, words lost in the barrel of his throat that only makes Sirius laughs lightly.

"You even have a book in your back pocket," he adds with a comforting pat on Remus' back.

“Oh, come on, it’s not even a hipster book, it’s for next Friday.”

Sirius moves to pull it out of Remus' pocket but something else falls out. He bends to get it, his hand sliding on Remus’ hips for balance and when he gets back up with the piece of tissue, which turns out to be a kippa, there’s a smile on Remus’ lips that tells him exactly what Remus is thinking.

“Shut up.”

Remus puts his hand on Sirius' waist again, holding him closer. “Haven’t got my high five, either,” he says with just enough trash boy to make Sirius roll his eyes.

Sirius puts his hand up for the high five, which Remus gives in a laugh.

“So, you have to wear this?”

Remus shrugs, “She prefers I do. Well, so does my mum and everyone in my family.”

“Put it on,” Sirius grins.

Remus rolls his eyes, but reluctantly takes his hands from Sirius’ back and grabs the kippa. “It’s a process, this might take a minute. Especially since I don’t have a mirror.”

A line draws between Sirius’ brows, but his eyes still shine with amusement. “A process,” he says slowly.

“Okay,” Remus reasons, a long suffering sigh escaping between his lips. “Not a process, but just - hang on, okay?”

Remus dips into his pocket, looking away from the curious grin on Sirius’ face, and pulls out a small plastic container of hair clips. He takes one of the clips out, holding it between his lips and slipping the container back in his pocket.

“This is better than I expected,” Sirius tells him. Remus shushes him, putting the kippa on the crown of his head and stepping a little away. He dips his legs into an awkward squat and asks Sirius if it’s centre.

Sirius shakes his head before he realises Remus isn’t looking up at him, instead he guides Remus’ hand to centre the kippa, and plucks the pin from Remus' lips to secure it in place. “There,” Sirius proclaims, and Remus straightens up. “This isn’t fun,” Sirius immediately complains. “You’re too tall, I can’t even see it!”

“What a pity,” Remus replies. “You’ll just have to look at my face instead.”

Sirius childishly taps his forehead against Remus’ shoulder, hands sliding up to Remus' shoulders and tugging on his shirt. “Come on, I don’t want to crane my head.”

Remus snorts. “That’s hardly my fault.”

Sirius tugs on his shirt again, more insistent, until Remus finally lowers down so they can be face to face.

“Now I can see your face.” Sirius wraps his arms around Remus’ neck, anchoring on and pressing their cheeks together. “This is proper hug.”

“It's a little awkward,” Remus admits, stretching a little lower but not seeming to find a comfortable position. “Nice,” he amends, “but awkward on my end.”

Sirius laughs. “You must really be unfit. This is a simple squat.”

“Don’t tell James,” Remus snorts. “What if I just stood up?”

“What?” Sirius tightens his grip around Remus.

“I could lift you up. Maybe twirl you around a bit, like they do in the movies-”

“Like you could,” Sirius cuts him off in a mocking smirk. “You can’t even squat but you think you can lift me?”

Remus laughs now, a lot deeper now that it’s in Sirius’ ear and vibrating against his skin. He quite likes this position, finally being on par with someone so tall, even if he does feel a little guilty making Remus bend at such a strange angle.

Remus hums, and Sirius can feel that vibrate against his skin, too. “I could always get on my knees.”

“Wow, Remus,” Sirius laughs.

“That’s not - Oh, no. No!”

“That was very trashy,” Sirius keeps laughing, muffling his voice against Remus’ shoulder.

There’s a cold spot on his waist now where Remus has lifted his hand, using it instead to drag it over his face and tug at his hair. “Not what I meant,” he finally manages to say. “And you started it!”

“Did not, you were the one thinking trash boys things.”

Remus shrugs, "You were too."

“And you’re not that tall, anyway.”

Remus pauses, and as Sirius pulls away he can see a smug smile fall across his face. “I might just be,” he says, straightening up.

“Let’s not find out,” Sirius says quickly as Remus’ hand comes back to his waist. “You’re right, though.”

“About what?”

“This is nice.” The simple admission shouldn’t make him feel a little warmer than before, but it does, and the goofy grin on Remus’ face doesn’t help much either.

A small bell chimes behind them, Sirius slightly jumping at the sound, suddenly reminded that there’s a wider world around them. He turns his head to see a woman standing at the shop’s entrance, a smile on her lips and arms crossed over her chest.

“Do I pay you to cuddle or sell books?” she asks teasingly.

“I think one of these is illegal by law around here,” Remus says, loosening his hold on Sirius’ waist. “I’ll be there in a minute, wouldn’t want you to deal with all these customers on your own.”

“He has a smart mouth, this one,” she tells Sirius who feels obligated to nod and smile back, “I’ll be outback. You keep an eye on that door, lover-boy, I want you inside before the customers, if there’s any.”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

She smiles at Remus, familiar and loving, and nods to Sirius before closing the door in another chime.

“I should go.”

"Nah," Remus says, making a sad face at him and catching Sirius' hands in his before he steps away. "We have a few more minutes. That bald baby story made her morning, she likes you."

"I sent a text to Cissy about it but she hasn't answered yet. Dunno if she will," Sirius muses. "Maybe I'll have to hire a private investigator."

"Mm, maybe her sisters would know?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure that's a good idea, I don't want to start a new family divide over this. I'll just have to live with the mystery."

Sirius shrugs, playing his hands with Remus'. He told his friends he would be about two hours and promised Lily he would come back in time to check out the bag she's been wanting to buy. And whatever Remus says about his boss not minding them standing outside, Sirius can't help thinking she might hold it against him later.

"I should -"

"Nah," Remus repeats, smiling and pulling on Sirius' hands to drag him closer, "I'll tell her about your mum asking about a lesbian version of grindr, that'll make her afternoon."

Sirius snorts. "I'm still not over it."

"Did you get to the bottom of that, by the way?"

Remus snickers at the word 'bottom' and Sirius frees one hand to drag it over his face. "Remus, really."

"Yeah, all right, I'll be completely ser-... that word I can't use anymore," Remus grins, leaning to kiss his cheek. "So?"

"Well, he didn't go much deeper - really, fuck you," Sirius stops to say when Remus’ grin becomes too big again. "He just said he asked his assistant what the gay youth was doing these days and that idiot told him about the app."

"That's... probably not the first thing you say about the gay youth," Remus says, mildly concerned. "But... your dad seems quite all right with it?"

Sirius shrugs, pulling away again, pulled back in at once by Remus who smiles softly at him.

"Change of subject?" he asks.

"No, it's fine, it's just - yeah, he seemed fine with it, actually brought it up himself, you know? But then on the other hand they ask when's the last time I've been to church like we never argued about me being atheist."

"Yeah," Remus says and waits a moment for Sirius to pick up the subject again. "Did you tell him about Hozier?"

Sirius is so surprised that he laughs, the anxiety brought on by the subject lifting off his shoulders. "Fuck, I should have. He could be my new pastor."

"I'd convert for that," Remus snorts. Sirius laughs again, leaning back against Remus, his hands squeezing his soothingly. "Sorry I brought it up," he says softly against his cheek.

"It's all right," Sirius assures, the joke still fresh on his mind and he wants to tell it to Regulus now that he knows his brother will fully appreciate it. "Thanks for - the support, yesterday."

"S’no problem," Remus smiles, another kiss against his cheek, one hand leaving Sirius' to find his waist under his jacket. "You have a way to make things hilarious when they're not too - not that good," he says almost in a whisper. "It's lovely."

"You're lovely," Sirius counters without thinking.

"Are you blushing?" Remus laughs a little, almost straightening out of the embrace to check for himself but Sirius puts one hand on Remus' chest, slipping one finger between two buttons and forcing Remus to stay close.

They're like teenagers, Sirius realizes, as he remembers they're in the middle of the street - a quiet one but still. But Remus doesn't seem to mind, cheek to cheek with him, his smile against Sirius' skin.

"I really want to kiss you."

For a second Sirius thinks he's the one who has spoken but the exhale of Remus' breath against his ear tells him otherwise.

"Yeah?"

There are a few words like, 'please', and 'me too,' that are running in his mind but Remus just holds him closer, embraces him a little stronger against him, warm and solid and definitely not kissing him yet.

"Yeah," Remus says when Sirius' mouth still hasn't let any words out. "Sorry."

"It's all right," Sirius hears himself say. "Thanks."

Remus laughs. "No problem."

Sirius can still hear that laugh in his ear as he turns away, a weak wave thrown over his shoulder as he slowly walks to the nearest station.

shit

moony im being roped into this picnic tonight

lily asked me to come bc mary will be there and it’ll make all of this weirder if i’m not here

would that be ok with u?

or do u rather we have a date another time?

we’re going in forever 21 rn there’s no signal in here

i’ll get back to u in about an hourish

i’ll try to convince lily out of it but im not sure i can

sorry!!

hum

okay

hum okay i just wanted to say that we dont have to see each other u know?

if uve changed ur mind thats fine.

really im not kidding feel free to tell me if u dont wanna date im fine i won’t sulk or anything

i promise

ok im gonna stop texting you until you can answer

i’m really sorry i said i wanted to kiss you, if that’s what this is about

??? moony omg

i just thought i could fix this weird thing once and for all and move on

i’ve talked to mary before it’s not weird but everyone is making a big deal out of it so we need to

idk

have it out in the open

but i also rlly wanted to go on that date with you so thats why i asked

i didnt

god

for the love of all that is holy

i would NOT have minded if you had kissed me

i would have ENTHUSIASTICALLY not minded

is that clear.

crystal.

r u chillaxed yet

getting there yes

do u wanna group date or do u wanna have a date tomorrow?

im not really good at plans being changed last minute

like

not related to what i said before

i just didnt psych myself up for this

i can understand that

but i promise mary and i are super cool with each other it’s just everyone else making it weird

i like ur friends really but

maybe another day?

and what if we had like dinner together like we said

and then i’ll join them afterward

which means we still get to have a date

but a short one

is that possible or would you rather another day

mmm

no that sounds good

good perfect

now i need to tell dorcas she can’t work this dress it’s gonna be ugly i need to go

pick u up at 6:30 then?

yeah

dont be too mean

and thks for reassuring me

again.

anytime

wld appreciate if you stayed chillaxed until in two hours tho

ive just had three cups of coffee im not sure abt that

damn it moony

The walk to the bookshop is less awkward than Sirius had felt going to the café. He had left his shopping bags with James, with the instructions to hide the Apple bag properly since Peter was still on the prowl for his present, and Sirius can still feel the soothing ease of being able to buy things without thinking too long about their price. And even though James hadn't been pleased anytime he had taken his family's credit card out to pay but had stopped minding once they had gotten in front of their favourite sports shop, suddenly remembering his trainers needed changing.

By the time the bookshop comes into his view, Sirius is actually quite excited for their date. The feeling bubbles inside his stomach, speeding his steps down the street.

He's a few minutes early but Remus is already outside, pulling the metallic curtains down on the bookshop's window. His headphones are lying on a battered bag, kippa still on his head as he kneels to lock the place down.

“Evening,” Sirius greets getting an immediate smile back, holding out his hand to help Remus up.

“Thanks, pretty boy.”

Remus picks up his bag, slipping it onto his shoulder and holding his hand back out to be held. “So, where are we going?”

In the end it’s Remus who leads them to a place not too far from where he works, promising Sirius that he'll love it, which Sirius finds adorable. He thought it’d be more difficult to talk now that this is officially their first date, but seeing Remus earlier has calmed his nerves. That, and Remus doesn’t let go of his hand until they’re being seated.

“Um, sorry about earlier,” Remus says once the waitress has given them their menus. “I didn’t mean to freak out on you like this.”

“It’s all right. It wasn’t supposed to go like this,” Sirius sighs. “Mary said she would stay with her family for the week but she called to say she was here and asked what we were doing so Lily couldn’t tell her off. Well, she could have, but in Lily’s world that’s not a thing.”

“I like Lily’s world,” Remus says. “Is Peter going to be okay?”

“Yeah, that’s one of the reason I have to go, too. James and I are providing the moral support.”

“I understand,” Remus smiles. “So… does this count as a full date, anyway?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t it?”

“Oh - yeah, I just thought, you know, since we were talking about quarters of dates earlier -”

“God, no, if anything we should count earlier as a date as well. We had food and cuddles, that’s a date right there.”

“Right,” Remus smiles, holding out his hand. Sirius quickly puts his hand from his lap to the table and into Remus’ palm. “All right. I've been craving one of their burger all afternoon."

Sirius smiles before the information kicks in. "Burgers." Remus is grinning and he wants to kick his shin. "You-"

"You said you liked them when they were made properly, right?" Remus says, his smile lessening.

"Yes, but," Sirius pouts, "you're making fun of me."

"Aw, I'm sorry, love," Remus says, his grin too big to be completely serious, but he brings Sirius' hand to his mouth and kisses his knuckles and suddenly Sirius' cheeks are burning.

"Oh my god-"

Remus looks to him, laughing, "Aw, now you're going to be mad that I made you blush."

"Shut up. Order your burger."

Until the waitress comes to them, Remus is quiet enough, the smile on his lips telling Sirius that he's still thinking himself awfully clever, but the thumb brushing the back of his hand too sweet for Sirius to mind.

But when Sirius orders a salad, Remus is outright laughing at him again.

"Sorry," Remus tells the waitress along with his own order. "Thank you," He finishes with another smile for her.

She raises her eyebrows at them, seemingly amused as well, but is quick to leave.

"We had waffles a couple hours ago," Sirius defends himself as soon as Remus' eyes find him. "I'm just not really hungry."

"All right, sure," Remus says stifling another laugh.

This time Sirius does kick his shin lightly, his feet soon caught between Remus' ankles. Sirius pokes his tongue at him and haughtily takes his hand out of his hold. Remus' smile disappears.

"Hey, no, I promise I'm sorry," he says, actually sounding sheepish. "Please?" He asks holding out his hand for Sirius'.

"No more comments on the burger thing," Sirius mockingly orders.

"I promise," Remus says and his smile when Sirius slips his fingers between his gives free reign to the butterflies in his stomach, warmth and tenderness pooling together like molten honey. "All right, new subject. I’ve been meaning to ask. Where do your rings come from?”

Sirius hesitates. He has a few answers to this question, depending if the askers are strangers, friends, or people he wants to love him. Remus is all three at the same time.

"Don't tell me you're going to make me guess."

The jokes lightens his worry and Sirius smiles, "No, we've established that you're shit at that."

"I haven't said that I hate you in a while, have I?"

"Not that I remember," Sirius laughs. "They're - this one is a family ring," he starts by showing the crest ring on his thumb.

"I'm not even surprised at this point."

"This one," he continues on his right hand, "is the ring a boy proposed to Bella with when she was sixteen. She told him she wasn't interested but kept the ring and I kept stealing it so she gave it to me."

"I'm- okay, I'm a little surprised at that one."

"Well, I got it in return for not telling her parents she turned down the son of one of the royal family in the Arab Emirates on a whim."

"Christ." Remus stares at the small rocks on the ring, probably realising that these aren't fake rubies. "And these two?" He slowly asks looking at the ones on Sirius' left ring finger.

"Hum. James."

"Oh my God. Please tell me there's a story."

Remus is still grinning, looking at him simply like he's expecting a good laugh out of it. It's maybe because he's not involved enough to be jealous, or maybe he really isn't. The idea that he could actually understand how close James and he are crosses Sirius' mind and he thinks it’s silly but he holds on to it.

"I don't know if you remember, James and Lily got engaged a bit weirdly -"

"To fend off the religious parents, yeah."

"Yeah. I wasn't here when this happened. And, actually, I wasn't told about it until the Potters asked James when was the wedding happening."

"Oh my God."

"So we're chatting with his parents, ‘Any news of the job’s interviews’, ‘When are you moving into the flat’, etc, and then mum is like, 'So, James, is it a summer wedding?'"

"Oh. my. God." Remus simply says, his eyes fixed on him as he waits for Sirius' next words and Sirius grins, elated by his interest.

"At first I laugh a bit, they've been going out for about seven months, and Lily's not even sure she's going to London and - well, I didn't like her much at the time so I was sort of hoping she was actually going to Oxford. But James' not laughing. James is glancing between me and his parents, not laughing - not laughing at all."

"How long ago had he...?"

"A month. Four weeks. Thirty full days and about eleven hours since he had proposed."

"He’s never going to forget this, is he?"

"He'll never be allowed to."

Remus smiles. "So... the rings?"

"Well, I made quite a scene," Sirius starts and when Remus doesn't interrupt to make a joke, the butterflies have a field day with that. "Then we went ring shopping with his parents and James was trying to find a way to amend himself, which was absolutely not working."

"Naturally."

"We found Lily's ring pretty quickly, and then his parents wanted to keep wedding shopping but I was over it and decided to go home. I spent the next few hours preparing a really good best man speech-"

"Which you didn't end up giving," Remus smiles, getting ahead of Sirius just enough to be funny, just when Sirius appreciates it the most, like all the words Remus says are the perfect ones to be saying then.

"Yeah, I perform it sometimes-"

"Perform?" Remus laughs.

"It's a whole experience. Maybe you'll see it one day if you're lucky."

“Sounds fun. But what happened next?"

"The Potters come home later but James isn't with them. We get dinner ready and then James appears - all dressed up."

"I think I can tell where this is going..."

"He asks me if I'd like to come to the beach with him - his parents live in Brighton -," Sirius adds and Remus nods, a grin on his face as he looks eager to know if he guessed right, "which I accept. I'm still pissed but I'm actually quite curious what he could do to save himself, you know."

"Yeah."

"So, we get to the beach and Peter is waiting-"

"Oh my God..."

"We walk to him, and I'm thinking, 'what the actual fuck is happening', and then James gets on one knee."

"Jesus fucking christ. Oh my God," Remus says again, laughing a bit, "what does he say?"

Sirius affects James' higher voice, "'Sirius, if incest wasn't so frowned upon in our societies and we were romantically attracted to each other and you got over yourself about vinegar on chips, I would marry you'."

"This is so not how you propose."

"Done it before?" Sirius asks lightly.

"No," Remus shakes his head, "but you don't list off why you're not proposing, god."

"I cried."

"Aw, darling," Remus coos. "Did you really?"

"Yeah," He shrugs, feeling both silly and happy at the memory, "he had actually gotten me a real ring, and he had convinced Peter to come over from London, I just - got emotional."

"That's adorable." Remus just says, smiling fondly.

"So, this one was from that day," Sirius points to the simple silver ring. "This one he gave me on their wedding day so I 'wouldn't be jealous'." He emphasises the quotation with his his fingers.

"That's really sweet of him." Remus smiles.

"Yeah, and in exchange I gave a very nice best man speech."

"Very sweet of you," Remus concludes. "I'm glad this didn't drive you two apart."

"Nothing can do that," Sirius says almost to himself, relaxing into his seat.

"So, this last one?"

"Oh, that one I got today at Forever 21, actually. There were three of them and Dorcas only wanted one so me and Lily took one each."

"Ah, all right. I like it."

"You like the cheapest one," Sirius mocks.

"Probably because it's the cheapest," Remus grins, "but I like James' too. I can tell you guys really care about each other."

"Yeah," Sirius shrugs. "You're not close with school friends anymore?"

"Not really. We're friends on Facebook, we wish each other happy birthday, that kind of thing. It was a small town - I was more than happy to leave it."

"Is that when you went to Edinburgh? Or moved to London? I'm a bit fuzzy on that."

Remus hums and tells him in broad lines how he moved to London to follow Threesome Ex - Sarah. He found a nice house to move in with Alice and Marlene but left a couple of months after the break up, when it got too much to handle. He tells Sirius impassively how he moved back home for a while but couldn't bear the small town after living London. How he went to Edinburgh on a whim, sleeping on a friend's couch until he found a job there. They keep the conversation going between bites of food, and Remus eyes Sirius' salad with laughing eyes but keeps to his story.

"So, technically, I haven't been living with Marls and Alice for three years. We sublet my room to a few people, but they would tell me I could come back anytime, that we'd work it out since the sublets were often just a few months at a time or they didn't like them that much."

"I think I've heard a few stories of Marls' roommates over the years, yeah."

"Yeah, they've got to meet a few that are out of this world weird. So then I got tired of bumming in Edinburgh and wanted to see London again so we decided on when I could come back, I applied to uni, and here we are."

"Two years bumming in Edinburgh, then?"

"Yeah. I had a work I liked, and well, Miriam, my ex, I really liked her, but I wasn't feeling, I don't know - not feeling at my place there and I had really loved London so it seemed logical. That and the rent for the house was actually cheaper than what I paid for a flat there so I said 'fuck it' and took one of those ten hours long buses down to London."

"Wow. Adventurous."

"Yeah, I should mention the pressure my mum was putting on me to go back to uni," Remus adds rolling his eyes.

"James had a hard time getting his parents to accept that he wasn't going to get a degree," Sirius agrees. "It's reassuring for them, you know."

"And I actually really like my course so at least there's that."

"Literature, right?"

"Yeah, and creative writing."

"Was the poem thing something you guys did for a class?"

"God, no, it's just... Emma's into that, slam poetry, I mean. I went to a few events with her over the year and for some stupid reason I told her I'd written something and she wouldn't let it go until I signed up to perform."

"Oh. You don't want to?"

"I - I don't know. I spend half my time scared shitless I'll forget the bloody thing once I have the mic in hand and the other half it's - it's a bit exciting. And they're all very kind to each other. There's never been like, a bad reaction. And I've heard some shitty stuff, believe me." He shakes his head. "Anyways, Alice and Marls are coming for support, too, so at least they'll pat me on the head if it goes badly."

"I could - I could talk James into letting me leave early," Sirius says unsure of his words as he speaks them, "add my hand to the head pats."

"Really, don't feel obligated. I'm not sure I want one of your first impressions of me be public humiliation."

Sirius laughs. "Oh, then definitely count me in. I want to get some ammunition, you've got far too much stuff to make fun of me about."

"Okay, now I actually don't want you to come," Remus jokes. "Is getting out of training really difficult?"

"Huh, sort of. It's - yeah, it's complicated."

"All right," Remus says. "So how's that salad?"

In exchange for allowing Remus the jokes he had been dying to say, Sirius makes him eat a whole leaf of lettuce and bits of grilled veggies. Remus tempts him with a bite of his burger but Sirius petulantly refuses, stealing a few chips instead.

By the time Sirius feels he should be on his way, the sun already coming down outside, his two hands are back in Remus' and he feels wonderful about everything, floating a little as they split the bill in two.

Remus is as sweet as he was at the party, as sweet as he keeps being to him when they text, making jokes and having witty comebacks to his that make the both of them laugh. And he laughs at Sirius' jokes as well, something Sirius had never thought would be so refreshing but actually feels wonderful.

Remus brushes his hand on Sirius' back as they walk outside, asking if he's not too cold, half-joke, half-concern, and Sirius wants to ask him for a list of flaws because this is too perfect, even James wouldn't be able to find a fault to their evening.

"You leave from Victoria, right?"

"Yep, I'll walk to Embankment and take the Circle line there."

"Mm, they’ve gone to Hyde Park,” Sirius says checking his messages.

“It’s direct from here,” Remus smiles. “I’ll walk you.”

Sirius smiles back, not even feeling the ground beneath his feet anymore. "Thanks.”

“No problem. I'm really sorry about -"

"I get it, don't worry. I'm not much for this, either, but Lily's right. It'll just keep being weird until we're all together and not making it weird separately."

Remus repeats that he understands, looking like he actually does, doesn't seem resentful or annoyed, merely smiles at Sirius, squeezing his hand, "Just a shame we can't spend more time together."

They don’t rush to get to Leicester Square’s quays, getting to a stand still a little out of the way of the perpetual underground rush, one of Remus’ hands back on Sirius' hips as they wait for one of them to finally decide to leave first.

"Are you free the day after tomorrow?" Sirius asks, hiding his head in the nook of Remus' neck. "Or, I don't know, sometime this week."

"Mmm, day after tomorrow we have housemates dinner night," Remus lists off, "and I'm busy on Friday."

"I think I'm seeing my cousins Friday, too."

"Saturday again, then?"

"Training," Sirius grimaces, "but afterward, if that works for you?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll pick you up this time," He smiles and Sirius wishes Remus had kissed him earlier, that this was now something they did, because Remus bumps his chin to Sirius' head and kisses his forehead. "Yeah?"

"Sounds good."

"Good," Remus repeats, "sounds good."

"Oh, don't start," Sirius laughs against him. "This was nice," He adds a few seconds later, Remus' hand slowly stroking his back underneath his jacket, his other hand still holding Sirius'.

"Yeah, it was nice. Seven out of ten."

Sirius backs away a little, "Seven?"

Remus laughs. "What?"

"Only seven? Why only seven?"

"Oh my God, I was just kidding."

"No, you have to explain yourself now."

"Christ, errr, eight would be if we had more time to spend together?"

"Nine?"

"Erm, I don't know, it was probably more of an eight, then. Nine if we had more time together."

"Ten?"

"Huh, more cuddling?"

Sirius feels his shoulder relax. "I thought you were going to say something else."

"Kissing?" Remus asks.

"Yeah, not that," Sirius deadpans, and Remus laughs. "Eight, then?"

"Yeah - what would you rate it?"

"Three, now," Sirius huffs.

"Aw, what if I tell you one entire point is just because you're so pretty."

"Mmm..."

"And another because you're funny."

Sirius chuckles, "All right, fine. Eight it is, then."

"For you, too?"

"Nah, I'm staying on three. And a half, maybe."

Remus doesn't look fazed, smiling with him. "What's the half for?"

"The cuddling isn't too bad," Sirius mocks haughtily.

"Yeah?" Remus asks softly, dragging him closer to him. "I like the cuddling too," He says lowering his lips to Sirius' neck. "Gave it three points."

"S’not that good," Sirius argues with a smile.

"I'm a pro cuddler," Remus plays into it, dropping Sirius' hand to wrap his arms around Sirius' waist. "And you're, like, off the charts at it. And I love your perfume."

Sirius lifts his free hand up around Remus' neck, smirking when Remus shivers slightly and hums against his skin, "I'm not wearing any."

"Mm, really? You smell so good."

"My soap, maybe, or, you know, my freshly washed hair."

"Hey, I washed my hair too. I should get half a point more for that."

"Nope. Three and a half, no retakes. Will have to apply yourself at the next date, Mister Moony."

Remus laughs frankly this time, squeezing Sirius' waist to him. "You're too cute."

"You too," Sirius says without thinking. "This was really nice."

"Mm, three and a half out of ten nice," Remus repeats, moving to kiss Sirius' cheek. "I'll make it a five next time."

"Confident, aren't you?"

"I'll bring chocolate," Remus jokes, "do you like flowers?"

"Pfft," Sirius smiles, "you'll have to do better than that, believe me."

"I don't have enough money for anything but a Forever 21 ring, love," Remus says.

"Shush," Sirius only says, lowering his head to Remus' chest once again.

The next train will be soon to come, Sirius knows, and that they've agreed to another date makes him feel better about this one ending too soon, but there's still an aftertaste of not enough in his mouth. There's a chance, he tells himself, that this might be because Remus' desire to kiss him melted into his and now this feels like a lost opportunity.

"Oh, sorry," Remus says out of nowhere, backing away a little to take his phone out of his pocket. "Alice," He tells Sirius before answering the call. "Hi, Lilo."

The call finishes quickly once Remus tells Alice that he's with Sirius and that yes, they can meet at the train station to go home together since no, Sirius is not coming home with Remus, because 'he has a thing with his friends, Alice, for god's sake can you show a bit of decorum please he's right next to me'.

But Alice calls back before Remus can put his hand back on Sirius' waist.

"Wha- no, it wasn't planned, so," Remus says, then sighs at what Alice tells him. "Can't you sleep at Dorcas’?"

Sirius lifts his eyebrows at him, Remus’ annoyed voice a first.

"I'm just not -," he starts again but whatever Alice says stops him. "All right, all right, if you promise we -," he shakes his head. "Alice asks if we can join you guys for a bit."

"Sure," Sirius assures. "Why?"

"She had a tough day, wants to have fun a bit."

"Yeah, sure, it's no problem."

Remus looks conflicted, a bit like he wanted Sirius to say that it was indeed a problem but Sirius just shrugs.

"All right, he says it's no problem," Remus tells Alice. "Meet you at Leicester Square."

*****

Sirius spends the few minutes waiting for Alice to find them trying to suss out what made Remus change his mind but Remus’ only explanations are about Alice; that she doesn’t like going home on her own, and that after a hard day of rehearsal needs something fun to wind down, away from the theatre and all those associated with it.

"Evening boys!" Alice greets them happily. "Good date?"

"Seven out of ten," Sirius states plainly while Remus gives a small chuckle. "How was work?"

"Ugh," Alice says.

Remus rolls his eyes. "You're going to need to move houses if going back home at night is too difficult."

"I just wanted to have a bit of fun, Stitch," Alice says with a nudge to Remus’ side, a gentle smile on her face as she adds, lower, “You’ll be fine. We’ll go home at a decent time.”

Remus mutters to himself and reflexively squeezes Sirius’ hand.

“We’re going to go to the park,” Alice says decisively. “And then we’re - Sirius, what are we doing at the park?”

“Having a picnic and hanging out,” Sirius supplies.

Alice smiles up at Remus again. “I’m going to eat my bodyweight in food, and then we’re going home.”

Remus nods minutely, forcing a feeble smile to reassure the pair. “Okay. Sounds alright.”

“Excellent!” Alice cheers, grabbing Sirius' free arm and leading them down the street. “I nearly threw up during the last song, I was so tired. I need food and no more talking about theatre."

Alice’s steps are wide, hurried as she drags the two of them down the street. Sirius can’t fathom how she still has so much energy, while his body is reminding him he's been slacking on his eight hours sleep these past few days. Remus doesn’t look like he’s faring any better, but the genial look on his face tells Sirius that he's used to Alice’s upbeat energy, and maybe even comforted by it right now.

There’s still a tinge of sunlight at they approach the park gates, the last of its shine reaching out to them to keep the chill out of their bones. It’s not hard for Sirius to spot his group of friends, crowded around the largest bench the park contains, their laughter drifting to him through the gentle breeze.

Sirius can hear Remus’ deep sigh, and he squeezes his hand in comfort. Alice has detached herself from his arm, walking down to the bench to greet them all, a squeal soon emitted that makes Sirius jump.

“Your hair!” the squeal said, quickly followed by, “Your eye!”

Sirius huffs. “She didn’t comment on my hair,” he says to Remus. Remus laughs softly, following easily as Sirius takes them down to the bench too.

“You should see the other guy,” James remarks proudly.

James' trademark smile is plastered on his face, along with his purple eye. Still, he has one arm looped around Lily’s waist as his wife rolls her eyes at him and excitedly tells Alice it was a spur of the moment decision.

"I absolutely love it," Alice tells her, sitting down on the grass without a second thought. "You look gorgeous."

Lily runs a hand through her hair, smiling softly. “Thank you. Change is nice, I think.”

“Hear, hear!” Peter shouts, lifting a cup up in the air. “Hey, Remus!”

Remus waves, saying hello to the others as they greet him before sliding next to Alice, scooting over to her so Sirius can sit next to him too before Peter shouts, “Wait, wait! James was dared to do something!"

Alice groans, her stomach grumbling in time as she pokes Remus. "I want food," Sirius can hear her complain.

Lily hears her too, ignoring the antics of James, who gets up begrudgingly and Peter who's almost bouncing, and instead asking Alice what she'd like to eat from their Tupperwares.

Sirius spots Mary sitting between Dorcas and Marls, her hands rubbing together in her lap anxiously as she smiles at him.

“Hey," Sirius waves before taking a breath and tapping Remus' shoulder, ignoring that Peter now has a guitar in hand. “This is Mary.”

“Hello,” Mary says happily, her right hand coming up to shake Remus’ hand.

“And Mary, this is Remus.”

Remus smiles. “Pleasure to meet you,” he says, and from what Sirius can tell, he means it.

“And you,” she replies. “Marls has told me a lot about you.”

“I hope only good things.”

“What bad things would I have to say?” Marls interjects.

Remus makes a noncommittal noise. “My bad roommate habits.”

“Mm,” Marls agrees. “Too many microwavable meals.”

“Ech.” Sirius steps back from Remus, their linked hands between them like a bridge. “I can’t believe I’m only hearing about this now.”

“Don’t worry, love,” Remus soothes. “I’m sure you, or probably James, will fix me up.”

“That’s the aim,” Sirius grumbles.

Mary hesitates. “You’ve probably heard a bit about me too.”

Remus balks, mumbling incoherently before Sirius saves him.

“It’s fine,” he assures her. “We’re all cool, here.”

Mary nods slowly, a slow exhale escape her lungs. She smiles briefly, eyes shifting between Sirius and Remus, and then peering over Sirius’ shoulder to what Peter and James have set up.

Sirius drops Remus' hand to walk to them, knowing there is something strange but familiar about to happen to him.

“Alright, mate?” Peter asks in a whisper.

“Yeah,” Sirius replies easily. “We said no weirdness. There’s no weirdness.”

“Sure, sure,” Peter says affably. "So," He says a bit louder for their audience, "James got a dare."

"What do I have to suffer through now," Sirius exclaims dramatically.

As far as their dares go, this one is not too bad or embarrassing. Peter plays the guitar to James' atrocious serenading, the reasoning behind that being something about hair that Sirius doesn't quite get, but soon they're all singing along.

“Is Peter alright?” Remus asks as they all sit back down.

“I think so,” Sirius replies. “Seems fine to me.”

And it is fine - the conversations pick up where they left off without Remus, Peter, or Mary being weirded out by each other. The stiffness between all of them goes away little by little and once they find the conversation going onto birds, Sirius knows it will really be fine.

“Like three birds shat on us!” Lily recalls their last picnic, laughing.

“That was an awful day,” Sirius adds for Remus. “They targeted me and James."

Remus laughs. “I don't think birds are that vindictive.”

Sirius’ eyes go wide. “Oh, they are. They really are. We wouldn’t give them any of our lunch, so they aimed at us.”

Remus is still holding onto his hand, almost like an anchor. Even though they're both trying very hard not to be blatant for the sake of the group - group which Sirius would like to note, still asked how their date went and cooed at their smiles - it's difficult not to lean toward Remus as Remus talks.

“James the vegan wouldn’t feed birds?” Remus wonders aloud. “That doesn’t sound right.”

Sirius just loves that Remus is here. Loves the feeling of Remus’ hand in his, loves the soft atmosphere of the park that settles over them as they share jokes with his friends. Remus feels like an integral part of this evening, as if his absence would be missed.

He wants to tell Remus this, to assure him again that he wouldn't have minded the kiss at all, but instead he continues on about birds.

“Have you met wild pigeons? They’re demons. Summoned by bread. They are very much the vindictive type.”

Remus hums, eyeing the plate Alice is helping herself from suspiciously.

“That’s got green, so it must be lettuce,” he says suddenly, "but it's not, is it?"

Sirius knows he’s trying to be funny. James, on the other hand, doesn’t.

“Mate,” he says direly, “I’m really worried about your health.”

Alice giggles from Remus’ left, happily eating James’ signature potato salad. “Sometimes he has to pause for breath after climbing stairs,” she childishly tells James.

Remus slaps her lightly on the arm, hissing at her, “Don’t tell him that!”

James narrows his eyes, fork halfway to his mouth before putting it back down carefully. “Remus, when's the last time you've done a physical?"

Remus snorts. "Last month, actually. My doctor said it all came back positive.”

"Oh my God," Sirius breathes, choking on his laugh while Marls and Alice snort. The rest of the group just stares and Sirius feels he should tell Remus he hasn't told anyone about his status but Remus goes on without seeming embarrassed.

"So I'm actually just fine not owning trainers."

"I don't think I've ever met anyone so set on being unhealthy, James," Marls pipes up. "I'll be surprised if he could name five different vegetables."

"I ate three today," Remus defends himself.

"One slice of tomato and a bite of zucchini don't count as two," Sirius snorts.

"Oh, shush, sparkling water." Remus nudges him. "Want me to tell James you had plenty of my fries?"

"If your doctor says you're fine," James butts in, "then all the more power to you, really. As long as you're healthy and you feel all right."

"Healthy and just fine," Remus assures and then looks back at Sirius to poke his tongue. "I just got green lighted to get more chicken nuggets."

"Good for you," Sirius elbows him.

Later the conversation inevitably veers back to Mary, who has kept quiet most of the evening, sharing a side conversation with Marls without her usual spark.

“So what did you decide in the end?”

“I’ve decided,” Mary said, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “that my identity makes sense even when it doesn’t have a name for people to call it by. And that right now I’m fine not naming it.”

The murmur of everyone's agreement echoes her statement, and Sirius can see James and Lily exchanging looks about taking some time out of their week to make sure she's all right, away from Sirius or Peter.

"What do we write on your queer gang jacket then?" Sirius asks jokingly.

"Eh," Mary smirks, "you can leave it at queer, really. Or Not-Straight. Ooh, or we could write something else - one of those nice slogans." She looks at Lily, smiling a bit more than usual like she understood Sirius' intention. "Queers Against the Government..."

"Bring Down The Patriarchy," Lily grins.

"Ooh, good ol’ The Personal Is Political" Marls adds. "I should find out what the funny blind ones are."

"We can have like three Bisexual and Proud." Dorcas counts off, "Remus, Lil' and Peter. Two lesbians for us," she smiles at Marls.

“Three!” Alice raises her hand, her fork in her mouth.

Dorcas makes a show of pretend writing their order while Lily looks at James, her eyes full of laughter.

"Which would you pick then?"

"Too Busy Playing Football," James says without missing a beat.

Peter snorts. "I'll Get Back To You On That After Leg Day."

"The Other Team is The Only Thing I’ll Fuck Up," Sirius tells James with a laugh.

James winks, "The Lions Have Aces Up Their Sleeves."

Their laughter carries through the parks, and Sirius is sure no pigeons could ruin this, not with Remus' hand still in his.

so did u have a good time

yes

i love ur friends

i really do

i was just a bit anxious abt it

and the date part made me nervous enough

but yeah in the end i had a really good time

im glad

im happy u came

didnt yet we're still on the way home

i hate u so much

haha

alice wants u to know she had a good time too and she's found a new love for vegan food

i'll tell james it'll make him happy

i feel so isolated now

im positive u'll live.

hah

u were quite shocked i made that joke werent u

i didnt know what to say! they don't know!

i figured yeah

its okay if you wanna tell them im p sure dorcas knows but is pretending not to

idk i feel like its not my place

all right

well if it comes up u have my blessing

okay

mary seems nice

yeah she is

she's really cool it sucks that this made it all weird

i thought it wasnt weird

well its normal-ish

w/ a bit of weird

yeah

well she didnt look like she hated me

im p sure u made her laugh at some point so i think we're all gonna be fine

ur such an optimist

yeah

i dont like this whole having a crush on a close friend thing like pls theres so many ppl in the world pick someone else

aw darling you cant choose that

and she has good taste u gotta give her that

idk

hilarious and smells amazing, i approve

ur only two dating criteria mm

that and 'looks good in a skirt' from now on

oh my god

too much?

i just didnt think ud noticed

....

how could i have not noticed.

how.

idk u ddnt say

well there was a reason we almost kissed

is the reason the pretty skirt

yes the reason is the pretty skirt, pads

i ddnt think i was this subtle

u cld get a career as a spy tbh

i'll keep that in mind when the kids literature flops

maybe poetry is ur true calling

oh god lets just ignore that this will happen

hah all right

u guys home yet?

james and lily went to have a drink w/ mary but pete and i went back

dunno abt the lesbians

okay

so is now a good time to bring up the kiss that never was or should we ignore that until the third date

idk

what do u wanna say about it

just checking in.

i did say i wouldnt have minded at all

yeah but at the time u didnt say anything

my brain stopped working who says "i want to kiss you" ffs i was all exclamation marks inside

oh my god that is the cutest thing i have ever heard

shut up

so yeah. no i wouldnt have minded.

okay

kind of glad u didnt say yes tho

....why?

well now we can follow the three dates rule

why

kiss me

christ

kiss me kiss me kiss me kiss me

lets go on a second and third date soon and then as many times as you want, love

hipster café: 1st date

fckng burgers place: 2nd date

park w/ friends: 3rd date

there!

kiss me!

oh my god

i kinda really want to have the three dates tho

thatd be cute

no!!!

haha come on

im gonna make it my goal to make u break those principles

oh my god

just get us on as many dates as possible as soon as possible

well thats like our common goal

my goal is to make u break before then

christ

what’s my goal then?

idk

what do u want

mmm

there are so many trash things u could say here i dont even know which u’ll pick

same

gimme a sec to choose

maybe dont?

mm?

maybe don’t pick something trashy.

hah

i wasnt gonna love

okay

all right so my goal is to make you look less cool

…

how r u gonna do that

im gonna make u smile all day every day

hah

sure

why not

here lets start tonight:

knock knock

………whos there

norma lee

…norma lee who?

norma lee i dont kiss on the first date but you’re welcome to try

.........

i need a minute.

Notes:

Here is a round up post of all the amazing things people have been doing for ATB!

It also links you to emaly's tumblr, if you prefer asks to comments. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 11 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

i slept in til 11

james woke me up actually

he came in my room to ask if i was feeling poorly

i hope u ddnt tell him it was my fault

nah it was regs

we chatted til 1am-ish

then i caught up on some well needed zzs

right

*****

so was it him who gave your number to mummy black?

apparently not

“i swear its probably cissy”

and then cissy

do we believe him

“it wasnt me how dare!!! bella might have tho”

cld actually be all of them separately tbh i wldnt be surprised

has ur mum called/texted u since yesterday?

i called to say thanks for paying for the hairdresser but lily was there so it was a p short convo

she was timing it actually

according to her it takes 3 mins for a phone call to be considered Good Enough so i ddnt have to suffer thru much

nothing since but that was just an hour ago

lily seems p knowledgeable

her sister's a piece of work too

oh?

thats how we bonded

she was reading a book called 'will I ever be good enough?' and it was like “thats my childhood summed up tbh” and the rest is history

her parents are lovely tho

well to us

bit difficult with her but she handles them well enough

right

did you look up if u cld block the number?

nah

wrote the contact down as “don’t answer” so hopefully i can keep to that

right

moony?

yeah?

r u at work again

nah?

u sound busy

nah just trying to figure out what we need for dinner tomorrow

r u cooking

i'm doing the shopping and putting everyones fav songs on and generally being present while cooking happens

can u actually cook anything

can u

yes.

beans on toast?

... i actually really like that

hah good i can do that

i can do pies well enough

and soups

but i have to have someone with me for soups in case i forget and start a fire again

again.

again.

soups are 90% water how do you start a fire with soup

talent

hah

talking of which

how excited are we for tonight

not excited at all

i've been in a state of denial all day

constantly having to remind myself that it's actually happening

are you coming?

yeah i'll be there

does james hate me even more

huh

well

he's not super fond of you but it's mostly on me

mmm

you don't have to come u know i won't mind

i don't want this to strain on your relationship with james

it's just that one silly thing

the poem lasts like 4 mins i could just read it to you another day

moony is it important to you?

i guess yeah

yeah all right it is

then let me deal with james

all right

he's being an asshole too pre-emptively tbh u’ve done nothing wrong

mmm

what?

idk

i kinda understand him

i'd rather he liked me but i'd want to protect u too if i were in his place u know?

like oc u can make ur own decisions etc but he's just worrying isn't he?

loudly worrying but in the end just worrying?

the key part here was "u can make ur own decisions"

right.

okay nvmd then

sneak out and join me, romeo

if anything u're the romeo one

all debauched and things

drugs alcohol and rock'n'roll baby

wheres the sex part

well i dont even get kisses rn

if it was up to me you would

aw love

if we go on two dates/week we can start kissing end of next week

so far away

how many missed kisses is that

depends how much we'll see each other

since we're both busy 'til sat it'll be just a couple

stiiiiill

what if i kiss u tonight if ur poem wins

omg

there's no winning love its not a competition

ugh

what if i kiss u for braving ur fears

mmm

i dont want to say no

like

viscerally no parts of me wants to say no

but is that how u're gonna convince me

plain ol' whining

is it working

just wanna cuddle w/ u so far

i'll take it to the next level

oh dear

btw

unrelated somewhat

yeah?

if i get to the pub at 8 can we meet out front?

yeah sure

my poem's at 8:25 if you want to go to ur training for a bit

idk how football training works actually

do you have a number of time you have to hit the ball

oh my god

do u have to run a lot

no and yes

its usually exercises and team stuff the first hour and then we play a few short games or try tactics the second hour

ITS TWO HOURS LONG????

how much fucking running is that oh my god

moony we dont run for 2hs

usually we do a 5km warm up and then it depends on james' mood

"5km warm up"

this sounds like "just a small marathon before breakfast" to me

we did that one day w/ james and some blokes from school

we were about 15

and we were so sure we cld do it so we just went for it one day nbd

was it a mistake

please tell me it was a mistake

i was fine actually james is v keen on the stretching

but one of the lad didnt walk for two days his calves seized up so bad

this sounds terrible

well i mean "i was fine" i wanted to throw up after 3hs and even james had stopped cheering us on

3hs??

wait

how long does a marathon take

oh my god

the fastest person runs it in 2hish

we did something like 4hs which is not bad but we were p pissed w/ it overall

15yold boys and their pride.

yep

so yeah anyway we dont run for 2hs

i might actually go for the 1st hour tho but that means i don't have time to wash my hair :(

i promise i wont notice

mmmm

okay yeah i might go then

okay

at what time is it?

starts at 6:30 but james gets there early to set up and shit so he's leaving soon

gotta get ready fast

do i get a short shorts selfie

trash boy

trying to live up to my romeo reputation

romeo was v romantic

i'm literally gonna get up on a stage and recite poetry when u're in the audience

hah

is it a love poem

haha no

slam poetry is rarely about love actually

mmm

it really is rarely about love actually that's so weird

i guess ppl talk more abt illnesses or trauma

racism, sexism, all that fun stuff

im gonna fit right in

i hope u like it

like maybe not my poem but people's or the event

chillax moony

im happy to just hold ur hand i dont need the extra entertainment anyway

thats very cute

shush im getting dressed i cant be cool rn

are some of ur friends gonna be there apart from emma?

logan said she'd come by if she cld, she's a coworker from waterstones

and then marls

whom u know better than i do

alice wanted to come but its one of the new cast’s birthday and she wants to be part of the team and stuff so it makes work easier later and so on

yeah

okay

i'm not satisfied w/ the selfie sorry and james is calling for me to get my arse to the door

aw all right

well i'll see ur pretty face later anyway

yeah

ttyl

ttyl pretty boy

go hit that ball or something!

*****

Remus knows and loves the pub after a year full of slam poetry nights, knows its ambiance and its staff, loves its cosy lighting and generously poured cheap pints. But the tension in his shoulders gets heavier by the minute. Emma is more relaxed, more used to the limelight as she had said, but still checking once every other minute that her hijab falls perfectly and tapping her foot on the floor in a messy rhythm that Remus finds himself copying.

"You'll be fine," Marls says for the umpteenth time, moving a hand to steady Remus' knee. "People still clap when it's terrible."

Emma snorts. "Don't clap if it's terrible. Just tell me where I can go hide."

"I'm excited to hear you," Logan says to Emma with a sweet smile. "Remus' been gushing about you ever since I've known him."

"Did he tell you about that time I made my mum come here so I could come out to her through a poem?"

"Yes, actually," Logan chuckles, "I think that's fifty percent the reason why he admires you so much. That was very brave of you."

"I think the word we use to describe it is 'reckless'," Marls butts in.

"Reckless embodies the feeling more," Emma agrees with a small but genuine smile for Logan. "It was an all or nothing situation. I was dating a woman - love of my life, or so I thought - and she wouldn't shut up about me coming out to my family."

"Turns out that wasn't the real problem," Remus weakly pipes in, feeling more comfortable in the easy banter but still wishing Marls would take their hand off him so he could resume tapping.

"Yeah, well, can check that off my list anyway," Emma says. "Talking of lovers, where's the pretty boy in the skirt?"

"That is exactly how Sirius would want to be described," Marls laughs.

Remus smiles. "He said he'd be here at eight," he answers, checking his phone for notifications. It's a few minutes before eight now and his screen is blank.

Once he's told Marls the time, they smirk. "I could send him a text if you don't want to sound clingy."

Remus shakes his head. "It's fine." If only he could chillax, it would be. "He was going to his football training thing, it might have taken him a bit longer than he thought."

“Oh,” Marls says and they look like they want to add something but they turn toward Logan. “Anyway, Logan, any chance we’ll see you up there next?”

“None whatsoever,” Logan laughs, undoing her ponytail to let her thick dark hair fall on her shoulders, reminding Remus that her hair used to be covered by a hijab, too. He had seen it on her only once, what feels like ages ago, but as she sits next to Emma, he distracts himself from his poem by thinking of how they set a cool example of freedom of choice. “I can draw better than I can do poetry, and I can’t draw at all.”

Emma laughs. “I used to think I was really bad, but the thing with slam poetry is that it’s more about feelings than pretty words, that’s why I love it so much.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think it’s my calling.”

“What is it then?”

Logan shrugs uncomfortably. “I’m actually trying for a manager job at a new Waterstones in Shoreditch. I mean, managing is not my passion or anything, but it'd be a great step up.”

Remus takes a sip of his water, trying to drown out what Logan is saying but Emma wishes her luck and asks for more information. So Logan shares more and Remus cannot escape the load of information he has heard earlier. All about the grand opening soon and Logan's anxiousness for her application to be chosen. According to what she's told him, it'd be a surprise that she wouldn't be - she already knows who would be happy to follow her there, has proven she can handle the responsibilities of the job, has kept the best of relationships with their superiors for the past five years. Remus can't say the same.

Luckily the conversation veers to young adult books, which is Logan's speciality. Remus wonders how on earth Emma has had time to read for fun this year when she answers every one of Logan's titles with critics or praises. She's more organized than him, it’s not difficult to be, but they spent most of the two semesters together and he’s never heard her mention anything apart from the bloody-awful or bloody-great readings in their programs.

The buzz from his phone saves him from pretending to want to know anymore of Logan’s day-to-day life at his old working place. He quietly announces that he’s going outside, squeezing Marls' hand as he takes it off him.

Spring is taking the end of May as a challenge and as Remus spots Sirius, leaning against a wall, he sees that Sirius is fighting back with jeans and his brown leather jacket, arms crossed against the wind.

“Where are the short shorts?”

Sirius chuckles, shaking his head. “Not too anxious that you can’t be a trash boy, huh?”

“Very anxious actually,” Remus grimaces.

Sirius takes a couple of steps closer to him with his arms open to Remus. This is the best part of romantic relationships, Remus thinks as he lets his head fall against Sirius’ shoulder, Sirius’ hands holding him tight against him. This physical support that he feels uncomfortable asking from his friends feels natural with Sirius who smiles against the skin of his neck and kisses beneath his jaw.

“We can get McDonalds later if it goes badly.”

“I’d like that,” Remus laughs softly. “But Nandos’ actually my comfort food of choice.”

“Deal. I can even eat there, it’s all good on my side.”

“Nice. Let’s go in so I can get you a drink before it starts.”

“Sure, Romeo,” Sirius says with a smile, slowly coming out of the embrace and sharing a soft look with him before taking Remus’ hand.

On their way to the bar Remus asks him about training, which apparently was fine enough, and even soothed whatever spite his team captain could feel toward Remus dragging away one of his players. Remus does the obligatory joke about ordering him a glass of wine but once again Sirius refuses to play in his food wit and asks for a Diet Coke.

“You’re no fun,” Remus sulks wrapping a hand around Sirius’ waist.

Sirius scoots closer, leaning against him. “You’re a bully.”

Remus pulls a pouting face at him, which Sirius rolls his eyes at, smiling.

As they wait for his drink, Sirius takes a look around the pub, critically eyeing the makeshift stage Remus had been avoiding looking at. It’s the only part of the pub devoid of the comfortable old booths and chairs, a small crescent moon of light in which a microphone stands. Remus is terrified of it.

He points Sirius to Marls, Emma and Logan instead. Friends of Emma’s are talking to them animatedly, other poets Remus knows more intimately than he has known most of the people in his life just through the honesty of their words. This was not his goal tonight but now that Emma, Alice, Marls and Logan all have separately pointed it out, this might be how Sirius will feel about tonight. Remus had warned him the subjects were heavy but he didn’t really realize how much of himself it would show to Sirius on a topic he had only begrudgingly shared in his last two serious relationships. And now, one date in…

Remus likes it. He likes the transparency he can have about his status. He likes that Sirius has also disclosed his share of struggles in return. It feels like they are on equal footing with everything. But this might be tipping the balance on Remus’ side and he isn't about to tell Sirius to have an honest conversation with his parents to settle the score.

“Stressed?” Sirius’ soothing deep voice takes him out of his thoughts, focusing Remus back to him. “I’ve heard your countrymen like their whiskey to soften the nerves.”

Remus laughs. “I’ve had one, actually. And there’s a fancy bottle at home if I need to forget the whole night.”

“Nandos and getting drunk in your bedroom,” Sirius gently mocks, “sounds like a good plan.”

Remus can’t help but laugh, startled and overjoyed that Sirius immediately joins in his dubious self-care plan without him having to ask. “I’ll probably feel pathetic enough not to fight if you kiss me.”

“Hah,” Sirius blushes just slightly, looking up to him with a smile. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Remus bends to kiss his cheek, getting another smile and a shake of head. Sirius’ drink arrives on that note and after he’s paid, Remus gets a soft kiss back.

“Thanks, Romeo.”

“No problem, Juliet.”

*****

“Make him stop,” Marls begs Sirius once they’re seated and one look at the time gets Remus’ leg tapping again.

Sirius takes a second to understand and shrugs. “Wanna switch places?” he asks Marlene.

They do, despite Remus promising he’ll try to stop, and when Sirius sits back on the other side of him, he takes Remus’ hand in his and just smiles.

“I don’t mind. Peter does it too, I barely notice it anymore.”

Remus smiles thankfully, playing with the hand in his and the two lonely rings on Sirius’ left hand. “Where are all your others?”

“Take them off to play.”

“But not your married man rings.”

“Not my married man rings,” Sirius chuckles.

"Married man rings?" Logan asks, her eyebrows slowly rising.

Sirius shifts his legs silently next to him, and Remus waits one second more before answering for him. "His best friend gave him these," he explains pointing to Sirius' finger. "I'm only joking."

"Oh," Logan says. "Did you give him - her... some too?"

"James' married actually," Marls pipes up cheerily on the other side of Remus, "so that finger's filled up. He still wears that friendship bracelet you guys made for each other in school, doesn't he? He said Sirius cut it off the day after because it wasn't pretty enough for him. James is still worked up about that," they laugh. "You'd ask him, it's like Sirius killed his whole family."

Sirius smiles, nodding along what Marls said and quietly adding, "I keep trying to get him better jewellery but he won't wear it."

"He'll ask for another friendship bracelet when this one breaks," Marls grins.

"Probably," Sirius says, taking a sip of of coke and leaning toward Remus.

Remus slowly exhales, feeling reassurance as much as he gives; the solid warmth of Sirius' body and the shared smiles soothing some of his nerves.

“We should just go home and cuddle,” he whispers to Sirius when the discussion goes to getting married and Marls' "someday maybe" clashes with Emma’s heartfelt "never ever".

Sirius twists to look at him and squeezes his hand. “That’s the aftermath plan. Can’t send the aftermath plan in motion before the beforemath happens.”

“Ugh,” is all Remus finds to say.

“Okay, I was keeping it for after your poem but you look like you could use some making fun of me.”

Remus raises his head to frown. “What?”

“I picked my clothes a bit fast earlier,” Sirius says, looking unsure whether to pout or smile.

He unzips his jacket, revealing a stripe shirt. A blue and white long sleeves stripe shirt that, of course, looks incredibly fitting on Sirius, not even like he’s trying to be French and still. Remus bursts out laughing.

“Oh my god.”

Sirius shrugs his jacket off his shoulders, twisting to wrap it on the back of his seat, “I own a lot of stripe shirts,” he says defensively, “so bring it on. I’m ready.”

“This is amazing,” Remus only says, going in for a small hug, “you’re amazing.”

“Pff,” Sirius says, hugging back. “You’re going to be okay,” he adds more quietly, “it’s just four minutes. That’s barely longer than my phone call to my mother. Piece of cake.”

“Yeah. Thanks, love.”

“You’re welcome.”

When Remus is called back to his friends by Marls kicking his leg, he's surprised that even though the discussion of marriages has been dropped, Emma and Logan are now engaged in a conversation about beer that's focused on each other's point of view and no one else's.

"I need visual confirmation of what's happening," Marls whispers.

Remus snorts and then grins despite the microphone waiting for him. Marls clears their throat but Emma barely glances at them before laughing at what Logan is saying about social constructs and masculinity.

"Visual confirmed," Remus says, looking to Sirius to find he's sporting the same amused look Marls has on their face.

"Was this planned?" Sirius asks quietly.

Remus shakes his head but the girls finally look away from each other back to them before he can say more.

"What was?" Emma asks.

"Nothing," Marls says and Remus echoes their fake innocence. "Toast to the poets?" They call, raising their glass. Everyone follows as Marls importantly clears their throat. “Remember, children, it’s all about having fun and making new friends.”

“And I’ve not seen anyone with tomatoes to throw, so there’s not much to fear, really,” Logan adds with a grin.

Emma and Remus share a look as they add their glasses of water to the mix of drinks raised for them. It’s only four minutes of a phone call with a very difficult relative, Remus reasons. For a second, he thinks he should actually let his father hear it.

*****

The first poem isn’t too bad. Sirius looks up to him with a mocking smile when it turns out that it is about love. Once they’re clapping, Remus amends that poems about non-heterosexual love often can be filed under poems about homophobia. Those are the last words he can get out before the organizer gestures him on.

The few steps to the corner of the pub are not actually the worst of his life but Remus is not ready to write them off as dealt with before he goes back to his seat. He can still feel Sirius’ elegant fingers against his palm as he squeezed a last “Good luck,” and the loving looks of his friends who strongly believe he can stand in front of people for four minutes without combusting into flames. Remus isn't sure he believes it, but he’s reassured that they’re here to put out the fire.

From where he now stands, the microphone doesn’t look so intimidating anymore: a piece of black and grey tech that can't possibly eat him whole.

“Um, hi,” he says to the crowd, some of whom he can recognizes from their poems.

Remus has been a witness to them for a whole year now: their traumas, their families, the crumbling pieces of their past, the burning of their anger, the fluttering wings of their happiness - he's heard it all. It feels right to give a piece of himself back to the ever-changing, ever-accepting community that has shown him the darkest, most battered pages of their lives.

“This started out as a children story, but turns out HIV isn't really a popular topic with children's books publishers.”

The easy and warm chime of their laughter gives him enough confidence for the joke Emma wrote at the top of his notes:

“I’ll try to keep my accent down for you sorry English lot to get it.”

Again, he’s met with a few amused laughs and he thinks he already does owe Emma a drink. For now, Remus takes a shaky breath and closes his fists to his sides, looking straight to the back of the room. He goes back to the place he was when he first wrote the words.

A draft of the poem has been notes on his phone for a year and three months, but it’s been almost ten years since the first time the feelings stuck at the back of his throat.

He lets them out now:

“You left me out in the woods to roam on my own while you went and found a new pack. I’m sweating heavy in my fur but my skin is still raw from when you started to peel it. My legs are so tired from running from your words while still trying to run to you. No matter how much distance I put between us, your voice is a headache ringing in my ears in anagrams of slurs you had taught me not to use.

I’m hot while you pat me on the back and call me son. There’s a drop in my temperature as your new wife calls me son, too. I’m a fever of words you’ve said to me. You're disgusted, and you’re glad I’m here. I should be ashamed, and I should have brought a date.

You ask me how I’ve been, you ask me about school, you ask me if I’m seeing anyone. If there’s someone I like.

Dad, I don’t even know what it’s like to like, when you told me not to like, not to love, not like that, because like that I’m not your cub but I’m the wolf in the stories that you don’t like that I like.

It’s the full moon tonight and I can barely stop my teeth from tearing at your throat. Your mouth is telling her ‘I do’ when it once told me ‘I don't’. ‘I don't care.’ ‘I don't love you enough for this.’

I’m scratching at my mind trying to find a reason why I should forgive you. Mother tells me I should not forgive you. I should have not have come here, I should not have opened the letter that invited me to be here when you don’t want me here. You want someone who does not exist. Someone who does not know you can say those words and mean them, and say those words and mean me. You invited a son never born.

I’m scratching so deep that I’m opening old wounds. Bleeding across the marble white floor while rose petals are thrown over you and people call you newlyweds.

You built the muzzle that stopped me from shouting back and I thought I had broken it off my snout but it’s still here today when you dance with her and no one here knows that you had this before. You had this same ring on your finger and this same dance with this same smile and on the phone Mother tells me that I should not care, that I should run back to the den where all of my wounds are cared for.

All of them.

Even the ones the doctors told her not to touch.

But I’m too tired to leave. My muscles ache from carrying your words on my back today. I dragged them behind me all the way to this church that does not know you will commit blasphemy before you accept me. I try to find my way in your new world but your old words are like teeth gnashing in me and every time someone speaks I want to howl. The fever of a mistake I made at sixteen is burning the white down from the decoration, everything disappears when you make a speech and your speech doesn’t have the taint of my blood.

I choke out ‘Congratulations’ and ‘See you next time, dad’ when they’re not the words I mean to say. I mean to say ‘You’re dead to me, dad’, I mean to say ‘I’m better without you, dad.’ I mean to say ‘I hope your life is torn apart by the moon’, I mean to say ‘I hate that I don’t hate you but I hate you for every word you said and every word you thought to say and I hate how you meant every last one of them. And I will never hate you. But I hate who you were then and I hate that you weren’t who I needed you to be.’

Dad, this bite is not a curse. This bite is a scar. And it’s my body now. It’s me now. And it won’t go away, and I won’t cut it out of me, and I won’t die for you to love me again like when I was a cub.

Your hand on my back feels like a rash over my fur and I’m sick of irritation. I will bite you if it means getting out for good and while I might miss your warmth I won’t miss the itching.

Symptoms can include: headache. Swollen glands. Sore throat. Rash. Fatigue. Muscle and joint aches and pains. They say fever is the most common symptom. But the most common symptom,” Remus corrects, takes a breath, settles the words on his tongue: “is telling your family you’re not their child to save but the wolf they’re running away from.”

Remus thought he would be able to tell if no one liked his poem but he barely remembers to do a little head bow before he's walking away from the light. He's quickly met by Emma's hand on his forearm, gently guiding him back to their table. He sits down as he's instructed, drinks the glass of water placed in front of him.

“You did really well,” Marls starts on his right.

And then he’s drowned in compliments from his friends.

Between, “I loved that line,” from Logan and the proud “You didn’t even stutter on the alliteration parts,” of Emma, the need to have a good cry is replaced by the elation of having done it. He’s done slam poetry. He’s a slam poet. He wants to call his mother and tell her he managed without throwing up or running toward the exit. He wants to tell her his friends liked it, even if apart from Logan they’ve all heard it before, and maybe it doesn’t count that much, but it still really counts to him.

When his glass is topped up, he remembers the other person who didn’t know his poem - didn’t know anything about his poem.

“I liked it,” Sirius gently says when their eyes meet.

Remus grins, moving to take Sirius’s hand. He has no idea what to say, for now just enjoying Sirius’ warm palm in his. That’s when the t-shirt finally sinks in.

He laughs, “You’re wearing a striped shirt.”

Sirius raises a mocking eyebrow. “We’ve been over this, Moony.”

“I need some time to think of jokes,” Remus cheerily taunts. He turns to his friends who look like they are listening to the new poet on stage but he catches Emma’s eyes back on him.

He grins to her.

“It went well,” he says in awe.

“That it did. Good job, Moony.”

Remus barely hears the inflection on the nickname. All he hears is his own words echoing in his mind, unable to be critical of his performance and probably overly proud of himself. Sirius holds his hand in both his during the next few sets of poems before it’s Emma’s turn.

Remus does his best to listen but his brain tunes her out after the first few words. He knows her poem and when she practices, she does it with the same anger she’s showing under the gaze of the audience, so it feels redundant.

He stares at his empty glass, willing it to fill itself, or for a drink to appear, something festive that will help him get out of his auto-congratulatory mood but he’s yet to develop the ability to make such wishes come true.

Once he has clapped for Emma, prompted by Sirius clapping one of his hands in each of Remus’, he waits until she gets to their table and grins to her with the rest of her friends.

Logan takes the lead of the compliments this time around, and if Marls takes a second to cough loudly (which makes Sirius and him chuckle), they all give her her share of praise as well.

When Remus feels enough time has passed, he gets up for the bar.

He fumbles on his order to the barmaid, the ability of speech he managed during the poem completely drained out of him. As he rehearses asking for a beer and waits for the barmaid to have time for him once more, there’s a tap on his arm.

“Hey, nice poem.”

He grins a little bigger. He's quite certain the woman talking to him is someone he’s seen on stage before and it’s so weird to think, as he says his thank you to this complete stranger, that he's heard the words of her most fragile moments and now she's heard his.

“That was your first one, wasn’t it?”

Remus laughs. “Yeah. Did it show?”

“Nah, you did good, I just never remembered seeing you up there. You’re a friend of Emma’s, right? The one about teenagers?”

“Yeah,” Remus says again, cutting the conversation to order a sorry-for-earlier-just-a-pint-thanks. “Are you performing later?”

She smirks. “I was up just after you, mate.”

“Oh, sorry, I got wrapped up in-”

“It’s all right,” she brushes him off. “Nerves, I get it. I got way drunk before going on, my first time. I’ve no memory of anything. My friends got me home and said I went improv for most of it and it was actually way better.”

Remus chuckles. “I almost went down that path,” he admits feeling the last of his stress leave his legs, his whole body becoming lighter for it. “How long have you been doing these?”

“Hey,” Sirius cuts in, looking expectantly at Remus. “You’re taking a while.”

“Yeah I think I left my brain there,” Remus jokes pointing at the empty spot, noticing that they’re already at the halfway break and that no one is performing. “D’you want another drink?”

“Came to pay for you, actually,” Sirius says with a small smile, looking, for lack of other words, cool. “Helping you celebrate.”

“Aw, thanks, love,” Remus grins.

“Alright, see you around wolf boy,” the woman says with a drink now in hand. “Have a nice evening, lads.”

“Thanks,” Remus smiles after her. “You too!”

Sirius takes his credit card out of his wallet as Remus waves back to the woman. He turns to Sirius just in time to see Sirius’ name written on the card, giddily noticing that there is now no way this is just a very elaborate joke. His boyfriend’s bank account belongs to the brightest star in the Earth’s night sky.

He wants to share his insight with Sirius but Sirius is still looking cool, the kind of off-putting and distant cool worse than Remus thought he looked back at the party.

“Is something the matter?”

“No,” Sirius says, shrugging.

“All right,” Remus hums, still buzzing with happiness. “Well, I would like to state for the record that you brought this upon yourself.” Sirius frowns, raising a cool, almost annoyed eyebrow at Remus. “By looking too cool,” Remus finishes with a smile. He pokes a playful finger at Sirius’ cheek. “It’s a Jewish and a Christian who go into a pub,” Remus starts.

There’s a hint of a smile on Sirius’ lips but it fades quickly. His tension is contagious and Remus stops his joke to put a hand on his arm.

“Were you flirting?” Sirius blurts before Remus can ask again if he’s all right.

A surprised sound escapes Remus and he glances around him. “What? With who?”

Sirius crosses his arms.

“That woman.”

Remus shakes his head, a disbelieving chuckle in his throat. “Of course not. I’m – I’m not going to flirt with anyone but you, Sirius,” he assures, frowning in turn. “Of course I wasn’t flirting with her. Is that why…? You thought I…”

Remus just stares, at a loss for words. The intensity of Sirius’ upset feelings, turns his confusion into protectiveness and he gently squeezes Sirius’ shoulder.

“Love, I’m not - I’m really never going to flirt with anyone while we’re together,” he says more calmly, leaning toward Sirius. “It wouldn’t even cross my mind.”

Sirius drags his hands on his face, looking away from Remus when Remus tries to meet his eyes.

“Hey –” Remus starts, but he's loudly stopped by the organizer of the evening telling them the second round of poems will start shortly.

Sirius shakes his head, starting to move away from Remus. “Forget it, yeah? I don’t want to ruin your evening. I’m going to take a breather,” he announces as he makes toward their table. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Can I come outside with you?” Remus gently asks, trailing behind him.

Sirius shrugs again. “You really don’t have to,” he assures as he grabs his jacket. “I just overreacted.”

“Yeah,” Remus approves with a tight smile. “We’re going outside a minute,” he tells his friends, leaving his drink on the table, certain that it will be finished by one of them by the time they get back.

The air is even crispier now that the sun is far-gone and Remus regretfully puts his coat over his jeans vest, thinking to himself that even down south the cold weather overstays its welcome.

He leads Sirius on the curb to the streetlamp that warmly lights the old paint of the pub. He does feel lighter, Remus finds, light enough that he can't help the small smile that creeps back on his face despite Sirius' sullen behaviour.

“So,” he starts.

Sirius has his arms crossed again, and first thing first, Remus extends a hand to him, breaking his defensive stance when Sirius links his fingers to his.

“I wasn’t flirting,” he repeats matter-of-factly. “Was there anything I was doing that was… that could have been interpreted like that?”

Sirius shakes his head. “No, Moony, I don’t know, you were smiling to her and I overreacted, I just…”

“I work in customer service, love, you know? I smile to people for a living.”

That gets a weak smile from Sirius and Remus slowly tries to drag him closer to him.

“I know it’s irrational,” Sirius assures in a small voice. “I really try to…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence. Instead he closes the gap between them and drops his head against Remus’ torso. Remus takes a second to think about the situation - tries to. On the high of his poem doing well, this doesn’t seem like much to deal with, but Sirius sighs shakily and so Remus tries to find his way back to planet earth. He puts his hands on the small of Sirius’ back and holds Sirius closer.

“I’m not flirting with people if I’m just smiling,” he says in a whisper against Sirius’ ear. “But I’m really flirting when I hug them and whisper in their ear that I’m really,” he smiles, kisses Sirius’ cheek, “really into them.”

Sirius makes a small, pleased noise in the back of his throat, moving his arms to embrace Remus’ shoulders.

“I try not to be like that,” Sirius says softly. “I’m sorry I’m a dick and I ruined your evening.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, love. It’s good we can talk about this before you’re too worried, yeah?”

Sirius hums. “I’m really sorry still.”

“It’s really not a big deal.”

“I know it’s annoying,” Sirius continues to apologize and Remus shakes his head against his neck.

“It’s fine, really. I much rather being able to tell you that it’s not the case right now before it ruins your evening.”

“I feel like Stitch at the beginning of the movie," Sirius sulks. “You know. 90% badness.”

“Really?” Remus asks with a frown. “You don’t really think that?”

Sirius sighs heavily. “No, it’s just… You’re being so nice and I’m…” He sighs again.

“Mm. Do you want to go home?” Remus asks in his most neutral voice.

Sirius nods against his neck.

“Yeah, I think that’s for the best. I really don’t want to mess with your night like this –”

Remus laughs. “No, I mean, I’m walking you home. I don’t want to end the evening on this. We can have a cuppa and talk for a bit?”

“Don’t you have that other poem to do with Emma?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to keep being upset over this just so I can recite a poem,” Remus lightly explains. “It was the solo one that counted, really, I don’t mind.”

“No, but – Emma. I don’t want her to hate me because of this, it’s –”

“She really won’t,” Remus promises. “I wasn’t sure I'd do it anyway. We really didn't know if I'd manage mine in the first place. I’m not even sure I want to do another one right now.”

“But - it’s fine, I can – I can wait ‘til you’re done before we leave. I’m not upset anymore, just… annoyed. At myself. I keep dropping all of my issues on you and you keep being so nice to me about everything...”

Remus gives a small reassuring laugh. “It’s okay. It doesn’t feel this way, you know? You’ve been pretty good to me too – remember the crêpes thing? That was you being nice to me.”

“It’s not the same,” Sirius quickly says, “you didn’t-”

“Love, you were ready to cross London to give me a whisk.”

Sirius snorts. “To be fair, I wouldn’t have.”

“Eh,” Remus shrugs, “I’d have put it in the fridge until we saw each other and told you to fix it then.”

Sirius breathes, almost a laugh.

“See, sure, the jealousy is going to be… something we have to deal with,” Remus admits, feeling the pull of reality with the thought of a long-term relationship’s struggle. “But it’s all right.”

“My family,” Sirius starts and then sighs, pressing his forehead to Remus harder and refusing to finish.

“Yeah, but your family is not… heavy for me to hear about. I know there are a lot of people who are helping you and I just hear about it because it's happening right now. It's okay.”

Sirius sighs. There are a few seconds of silence during which Remus wonders if he should go on reassuring Sirius.

“I’m just gonna go home and whine to the lads,” Sirius says softly. “I really don’t want your night to end on this when it’s all my fault.”

Remus shakes his head. “We’re not arguing about this, you know. Even if it’s just to say good night by your flat I’m still going to walk you home. Sorry,” he adds jokingly, “my mum raised me too well.”

“I think that particular rule only applies to women.”

“Nah, the Scottish book of manners clearly said 'partners' regardless of sex.”

“Damn it,” Sirius says. “I think we haven’t changed ours since before separation of the church and state.”

“Gotta upgrade, love.”

“I’ll tell the butler to get the newest one.”

“Good idea.”

Remus can feel the deep breath Sirius takes as it presses against his hands on Sirius’ back.

“Okay, well, if you really don’t mind. I really wanna go home.”

They head back in, hanging back a little to wait for a poet almost singing about her daughter to finish. Remus moves to hold Sirius' other hand as well, awkwardly - but he hopes sweetly - embracing the insecurity out of him. It only lasts a short moment but Sirius gives him a small smile when he walks out of the embrace to their chairs.

"Actually," Marls says when they tell them they’re leaving, "I think I'll head home as well. Dorcas'll be around by now," they add quickly.

Logan and Emma don't seem too bothered, Remus decides as they express disappointment but quickly move on when Logan decides to stay to keep Emma company.

"Good evening," Emma adds lightly.

Remus can't help but snort when Marls moves suggestive eyebrows at that. "You too," he says back.

"Nice to meet you," Sirius adds before they turn their back and the girls wave back, barely, before they're smiling to each other.

****

"Thanks for leaving me in there with them," Marls complains once they're outside.

"I don't think they noticed you," Sirius jokes.

Marls smirks naughtily. "That's two people who're going to have a nice long night. Why didn't you introduce them to each other sooner?"

"Never thought about it," Remus shrugs. "You going home?"

Marls clicks their walking cane into form, shaking their head. "Nah, Dorcas'. We're going to grab a bite first though, I'm starving. You guys had dinner yet?"

"No, actually," Remus says, reaching out for Sirius' hand. "Should we get something before going to yours or...?"

Sirius nods, looking calmer but Remus can't figure out if it's a good thing.

“Wanna walk it?” Remus asks, calculating the fifteen minutes walk to Sirius’ flat.

Sirius nods again. Marls hums.

"You okay there, twinkling star?" They ask.

Sirius makes a noise, somewhere between chuckling (which reassures Remus) and non-committing (which worries him). "I'm fine," he adds verbally. "Hungry as well."

"Lead on, then," Marls decide, linking their arm with Sirius'. "Dorcas was having a pint with the girls on the team not too far, she said she'll meet me at the Prêt-à-manger between you guys' flats.”

“You guys eating there?” Remus asks, contemplating their options.

“Dunno yet, depends on the football player. It's a miracle James didn't invite her in if she didn't have dinner ready, though," they add to Sirius.

"It's Pete's night out with him."

"You weren't kidding about schedules, were you?" Remus snorts.

Sirius looks up to him, shakes his head and smiles, soft, almost fragile. Remus wants to reassure him again but he doesn't know how, doesn't know how close to Marls Sirius is to start the subject up when they're here, is not even sure which words to say, which would work.

Marls keeps the conversation going all the way to the shop where their girlfriend is already waiting, waving them to her.

"How was it then?" she asks Remus, grinning.

"Good," Remus smiles back. "It went really well."

"I thought it'd finish much later," Dorcas adds, looking over their little group. "Didn't you say eleven, babe? It's barely ten."

Marls positively cackles. "The lads wanted to go home," they say quickly and then: "and you would not believe how all over each other Remus' friends were, like, they had never met - Emma and Logan - and about fifteen minutes into meeting each other you just knew they were gonna fuck tonight."

"Not sure it's Emma's style," Remus snorts.

"Oh you bet your arse Logan's going to make it her style," Marls grins and then shakes their head. "And when you guys went out they were talking about going back to Emma's already."

“There’s a party there tonight,” Remus corrects, laughing.

Marls nods obnoxiously, hip bumping their girlfriend. “Some party all right.”

“All right, all right, let’s get our party going,” Dorcas says, laughing. “I’m starving. We had appetizers with our drinks and I could still eat a cow.”

Remus gives it a second for Sirius to tell her it would have been far from James’ vegan goal for this to happen but Sirius is looking away at the London lights. So Remus leaves the joke unsaid, listening to Dorcas’ suggestions for dinner together.

“Didn’t you want to go to Nando’s?” Sirius says, quietly but actually looking at him again.

Remus smiles. “Anything’s fine, really.”

Sirius nods. “All right.”

“All right,” Remus says back.

Sirius rolls his eyes at him, mouthing another “All right” and when Remus squeezes his hand, Sirius smiles.

“All right,” Marls says, drawling out the syllables over their cutesy moment.

Remus grins at her and when he looks to Sirius, he’s smiling, and there’s a hint of a blush over his cheeks. Remus threads his fingers with his, hopeful.

*****

After deliberation, they do go to Nando’s. Dinner’s a light hearted retelling of Remus’ poetry debuts, details of Logan and Emma’s flirting and then, to Marls’ delight, Remus remembers to ask how their first date went.

“So, Hyde Park’s Winterland,” Marls sets the scene. “It’s freezing but I’ve been trying to get the whole gang at the place since it opened and now there’s just this one night left before Christmas. And then, every last one of these fuckers cancels on me, one by one, with the most sorry flimsy excuses in the world. I’m there, it’s cold, I have no idea how the fuck to get around.”

Remus grimaces at the idea. He knows no matter how brash Marls sounds, there are moments where a disability is a disability.

“That’s where I come in,” Dorcas announces proudly.

“I call her,” Marls says, grinning already, “just complaining, you know. Areshole friends, fucking winter, I really wanted to go. And then Dorcas says, ‘You could have just invited me along,’ and at this point I’m nearly crying, and I say, ‘Yeah, well, consider yourself invited because from now on you’re my only friend’.”

“No half measures there,” Dorcas butts in.

Marls takes a second to poke their tongue at her. “So I’m almost dead from hypothermia when Dorcas gets there, but she’s there, and suddenly everything is perfect.” Dorcas smiles fondly, putting her hand over her girlfriend’s. “We get mulled apple juice, she walks me around everything, we even win a bear –”

“You’re telling it wrong!” Dorcas exclaims, shocked. “Tell them about the guns!”

“Just wanted to check if you remembered,” Marls grins. “So, the story goes like this.”

As they passed every one of the fair stands, Dorcas described them to Marlene. Unfortunately, none of them were adapted to their disability, and although they would joke about it, the umpteenth one gets Marls angry. They decide to walk to it, ready to make a scene if the owner turns them away but the owner says nothing as they hand Marls the gun and wish them luck.

Of course, blindness and rigged games don’t add up to a whole lot of luck.

“But Dorcas is there,” Marls says, grinning toward their girlfriend and if they can’t see Dorcas’ face, Remus is sure they can feel her loving expression. “We’re not together at this point,” Marls explains, “just been pining away and sweet talking each other for ages. But for this, Dorcas gets behind me, her hands over mine, her breath in my neck…”

Dorcas laughs at the romantic setting but doesn’t refute it.

“She guides my hands, and we’re doing the whole giggling thing and then I actually shoot a mark.”

“While being more preoccupied with flirting,” Dorcas snorts.

“Yeah,” Marls agrees wholeheartedly. “And then we’re kissing.”

Remus can’t help glancing at Sirius. He’s noticed straight away and his stomach flips when Sirius looks back, and smiles.

He’s not sure of much about them yet but Remus is sure about one thing: that smile would make him cross London in the middle of winter in a heartbeat.

“Except I still have that gun in my hand,” Marls adds. “And my finger on the fucking trigger.”

“Uh-oh,” Sirius says in the silent stretch Marls leaves for suspense.

Remus laughs, ruining the dramatic effect, which gets Marls to complain, but they go on:

“So it shoots, mid-kiss, and we break off except I still can’t see anything, right, and I’m freaking the hell out. I’m practically yelling at Dorcas to check if I haven’t killed anyone – in the middle of our first kiss, really. I’m absolutely pissed but her, she’s doubling over laughing, saying some shit about how I have the worst timing ever while I’m almost having a heart attack-”

“Oh come on,” Dorcas corrects, “you were laughing too.”

“It was a nervous laugh!”

Dorcas rolls her eyes. “Moral of the story, no more kissing when someone holds a gun.”

They exchange more smiles, warm and loving, and Remus aches with wanting this. The easy happiness of someone next to you, having your back, sharing your laughs. He’s ready for this kind of relationship, so ready. What Sirius and he have is fragile yet but he wants to build on it, wants to get over jealousy barriers for this comfortable trust.

He wonders if Sirius is ready too.

*****

He’s still wondering as they walk in the opposite direction of Dorcas and Marls.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius says in the silence.

Remus stops, waits for Sirius to face him. He’s even ready to have this talk in the middle of the street, he thinks. “Okay, you’ve apologized already and I’ve forgiven you already, so unless you want to give me blood or something, let’s decide to drop it, yeah?”

“Blood,” Sirius repeats, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, or money. I’d like money.”

“Right.”

This time Sirius laughs, more frankly than he has since the whole thing started. He’s less tense than he was at the pub, softened by their dinner together, by the playful discussions of football and first dates. But Remus wants him to be sure of it, wants to see him laugh head thrown back, wants to see his smile stay on his lips.

“So, let’s say, if you say sorry one more time you owe me five push-ups.”

“What has that got to do with anything?”

“Nothing at all,” Remus smiles mysteriously. “But at least it’ll have you thinking.”

“Moony, I can do more than five push-ups, this isn’t exactly –”

Remus shrugs. “Works for me.”

Sirius shakes his head but seems to agree, starting to walk again. The crisp night air warps around them, too cool for the end of spring but warm enough that Remus doesn't mind his open coat. Soon summer will settle in, making London glow in that particular way that makes breathing easier, makes everyone slow down in the Tube, even those like Remus who still have work to get to. He'll have his exams results (fingers crossed, good ones), he'll have his mother visiting, he'll have Pimms and music festivals, and hopefully he’ll have the elegant hand in his through it all.

“Your poem was really good,” Sirius says, filling the silence. “You’re a lot better at it than you gave yourself credit for.”

“Thanks,” Remus grins, the pride sparked alive in his stomach. “Emma helped a lot. She wanted me to skip all the metaphors, originally. But in the end we worked out a compromise.”

“The wolf part, you mean?”

“Yeah. I’ve always been fascinated with them but we weren’t sure it’d be understandable.”

“Mm, it was,” Sirius agrees. “You like them because of your name?”

“Hah, well, yeah but not only that. Wolves are always the bad guys, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“And, I don’t know, as a kid I didn’t feel like it was fair and it stuck with me.”

Sirius nods, listening to what Remus tells him of the silly stories he would write as a child, unfinished works that hang on Remus’ bedroom walls to remind him this has always made him happy. He wants to be happy.

“There are studies, actually,” Sirius says. “About queer kids identifying with the bad guys because they’re coded as queer. Different, with tragic romantic lives if at all, hated by their communities... And then the kids grow up liking the bad guys, so there’s this double othering happening to them and…” Sirius stops himself, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“You owe me five push ups,” Remus taunts.

“That doesn’t count!”

“Does too!”

“Does not! It’s not the same subject!”

“Fine, okay. Anyway, that makes sense. And so now I write wolves in a lot of my stories, which is actually quite problematic because in literature wolves are, huh, rapists.”

“Yeah, tad problematic,” Sirius snorts.

“So if I want to publish them I’ll have to change the animal,” Remus shrugs. “But right now I like it like this a lot.”

Sirius opens his mouth but closes it back on words he doesn’t say. Remus grins and nods at him, mouthing, “What?”

“Well, symbols change. Even if wolves were used to describe predators in literature before, it doesn’t mean that it has to in your books since you’re not writing them in the same time period. I mean, if you’re careful with how you have them act you could keep wolves and literature critics wouldn’t compare Little Red Riding Hood to your stuff.”

Remus grins. “You’re first of your class, aren’t you?”

Sirius rolls his eyes but blushes, his feet kicking at the ground as he walks.

“It’s just basic reception ideas,” he mumbles, “anyone could say that. Symbols change. It’s not exactly rocket science.”

“I like the idea,” Remus muses and leans to stealthily kiss Sirius’ cheek as they keep walking. “Thanks.”

*****

It takes only a few seconds and a shared smile before Sirius invites him to come up. The flat is quiet when they get in, and Sirius tells him that Peter and James are still out by the missing coats on the rack by the front door. Sirius gestures him to the kitchen as he goes to close the door from the living room to their bedrooms – “Lily’s probably sleeping”.

While he waits, Remus tries to remember where the kettle, the tea, and hopefully biscuits, are kept. He finds the first item before Sirius comes back to help out with the two others, taking a loose tea bag Remus hadn’t even considered.

“Rooibos?” he asks.

Remus snorts. “In English?”

Sirius pulls a face, opening the little bag and letting Remus’ smell the red fruits’ perfume. He shrugs.

“As long as it’s tea.”

“It’s non-caffeinated,” Sirius explains, finding another little bag. “This is earl grey.”

“Have your fancy one,” Remus smiles. “There’s teabags in there.”

“Can’t even try to be fancy, huh?”

Remus gives Sirius a lookover and hums. “I can make an effort for you I guess.”

“Trash boy,” Sirius says, but it's sweet, there’s not even a roll of eyes.

As he makes tea for them, Remus doesn’t think he imagines Sirius edging closer to him until there’s a shy hand on his forearm.

“Hug?”

Remus draws him close. “Feeling better?” he asks in Sirius’ ear.

“I’m really sorry for ruining your night.”

Remus laughs. “Yep, this is it. Five push ups.”

“Moony,” Sirius says defensively.

“Nope, down you get.”

It only takes an authoritative raised eyebrows to get Sirius to cooperate. Remus takes a few steps back to give him room, finding a seat to a show that lasts too few seconds. Sirius gets to the floor with an exasperated look at him, moves into position, and just does the push-ups – effortlessly, with an ease and a speed that tells Remus he could have said fifteen and Sirius wouldn’t have been bothered.

“There,” Sirius says pulling himself to his knees. “I’m never apologizing to you ever again.”

Remus smiles. “That was the point. And hot.”

Sirius grumbles something Remus can’t hear but guesses, has to do with being a trash boy. He then gets up and gets on with making tea without any more apologies.

Rooibos, it turns out, tastes almost like candy. Remus likes it.

“So…” Remus starts lightly once they’re comfortable on the couch, patting at Sirius’ knee on his lap. “Is there anything I could do that would convince you I wasn’t flirting?”

Sirius visually tenses, the hand that was just a second ago playing with Remus’ closing lightly before he speaks. “No, really, it was my fault. I’m not going to ask you to do anything just because I’m-”

“But I mean it, though. Like, I’m not going to stop talking to people, or smile to them. I can’t reasonably do that, you know, but I guess I could not ask what they think of the Kama Sutra if that really bothered you.”

As he says the words Remus realizes that this would not work, that he doesn’t want to police how he talks with people to make someone happy. But Sirius snorts, laughs and shakes his head as if he knows how silly that would be.

Remus catches his hand back in his, linking their fingers.

“I have to trust you, that’s the thing. I have to believe you won’t turn out to be a dickhead.”

“Yeah. I’d like if you believed that about me, actually,” Remus scoffs.

Sirius smiles.

“Okay,” Remus nods, hoping Sirius will continue but he doesn’t, looking at his jeans. “So there’s nothing I can do?”

“No… it’ll just take me a little time. To believe you. Well, I believe you. It’s just-”

“Some part of you doesn’t?”

“Yeah. But I want to. It’s just. Difficult.”

“Okay.”

There’s another lull in the conversation and if Remus keeps Sirius’ hand in his, he’s not sure what to do with it.

“Did I really not ruin your night?” Sirius asks quietly, almost too quiet for Remus to hear.

“That’ll be five more push ups, mister.”

Sirius looks up to him, not joking. “When I go off like this… you don’t need to stop or, I don’t know, cancel what you’re doing. I’ll calm down on my own.”

Remus frowns. “Well, huh, I mean I’m sure you’ll calm down on your own and I know you’d have been fine without me, but this is nice, isn’t it? Would you have rather I stayed there?”

“No,” Sirius quickly answers. He winces, takes his hand back to push his palms into his eyes. “I didn’t want to be annoying.”

“You weren’t. Dinner with Dorcas and Marls was nice, anyway.”

Sirius nods.

“I’m just – wondering,” Remus goes on, “if there’s anything I could say or do that would help you. Because my problem right now is not that we left the event it’s that it upset you and I don’t want that to happen every time I speak to someone.”

Sirius shakes his head. “It’s in my head, you don’t have to do anything.”

“Yeah… love, I know it’s in your head,” Remus says trying to sound playful enough that Sirius doesn’t take offence, “because I wouldn’t ever flirt with someone else when I’m in a relationship. Well, except with elderly women at the bookstore so they call me a sweetheart. And Viggo Mortensen. But I’ll send you a text before anything happens with him, promise.”

Sirius snorts. “I thought you didn’t like Lord of the Ring!”

“I hate it,” Remus groans, “but I’d make an exception. That ranger boy can get it any day.”

Sirius chuckles, slowly looking up to him. “We can make that our threesome.”

Remus stifles his laugh to make the joke: “Nah-uh, you’ll seduce him and then I’ll be left alone. I’ve seen what happens.”

“He’s too old for me, anyway.”

“I thought you liked older men,” Remus grins.

“Are you actually older than me? Your birthday’s in June right?”

“Yep. Twenty-four in three weeks.”

“Oh,” Sirius realises with a slow smile. “I turned twenty three last month.”

“Wee babe.”

“Shut up,” Sirius pokes his tongue at him. “So, the elderly and Aragorn from the Lord of the Rings, huh?”

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly reject Beyoncé, but I reckon I’d be too sad to hear about her and Jay-Z to actually get hard.”

Sirius actually laughs this time, the type of belly laugh Remus has seen him have with his friends, all crinkled eyes, head thrown back.

“Deal.”

After that, their conversation changes to lighter subjects. There’s so much to talk about that the pot is drained too soon and they make another one, the night slowly turning back to what Remus had imagined: flirty looks, and smiles.

They drain the second pot of tea in childhood stories. Sirius tells him a bit more about his choir days, mostly about how boring mass always was as a child and how surprised he was when he recently learned they had never been longer than thirty minutes when he'd always thought it lasted hours. Then Remus tells him about his bar mitzvah and his first gay kiss and how the later event had marked the day more for him in the whole becoming a man scheme. Sirius tells him how he rushed through finishing Sunday school to finally be free of the whole thing and had never set a foot in a Church ever since. Remus tries to explain what it felt like to re-enter a Synagogue when the last time he had been in one his father had accompanied him.

They switch positions a fair few times before Sirius’ head starts to drop, getting a playful “Called it,” from Remus who had just looked at the time.

But the door opening jolts Sirius up. Literally. He gets up from the couch, looking guiltily at the front door.

“Evening!” James calls not quite joyfully but close enough that Remus smiles back, wincing sympathetically at the purple bruise around James’ eye.

“Hey lads,” Peter adds with a real amused smile.

“Evening,” Remus says, trying not to make a joke of Sirius pushing his shirt back down on his back where Remus had been tracing patterns as they talked.

“Didn’t think you guys would already be home,” Peter says.

“Oh, we cut the night short,” Remus answers evasively. “What were you guys up to?”

James shrugs his parka off, turning his back to them to put it on the hook. “We went to a screening of Up. Anyone wants tea?”

“Yes, please,” Peter smiles, coming to sit on the chair next to them. He waits for James to be in the other room before lifting his eyebrows at Sirius. “Cut the night short, huh?” He whispers.

Sirius shakes his head. “Yeah. How was the movie?”

“Good. Shame you missed it.”

“Oh – did you miss it to come to my poetry thing?” Remus asks dumbfounded to not have heard about that, too.

“No,” Sirius shakes his head. “It’s their thing – you know, the schedule for hanging out with James? Going to the movies is their thing. I’m not allowed to go. Peter is just being a dick.”

Remus nods, smiling when Peter asks him how his poem went. “Pretty good. I did better than I expected, no throwing up on stage or leaving the pub running.”

“Good, good, I’m glad. Good for you.”

“Thanks,” Remus smiles, finally breathing in the awkward atmosphere. “Hm,” he starts looking to Sirius who has sat back down a full seating place away from him. “Is everything okay? Did we interrupt the end of your romantic evening together or something?” he finishes, hoping the joke helps.

Peter smiles mysteriously. “I think we interrupted yours.”

Remus shrugs. “Sirius was falling asleep anyway.”

“Yeah,” Sirius finally says, “we were heading off to bed. Are you guys staying up late?”

“Nah, I think we were waiting to know if you needed picking up, but since you’re here…”

Again, Peter smiles mysteriously. Remus is not sure if he’s stopping himself from laughing or if it’s something else.

“Yeah, since we were going to see each other here I figured it wasn’t important to text you guys.”

“Mm-mm,” Peter nods, this time frankly smiling. “You just – keep on doing you,” he singsongs.

“Come on, Pete, you were going home anyway. It’s barely one, I could have still been there –”

“Weren’t, were you?” James says from the door. “But it’s fine,” he adds, turning to walk back to the kitchen, “it’s juuuust fine!”

Sirius throws himself back against the couch. Peter snorts. Remus slowly puts the pieces together.

“You know you could just put an ankle monitor on,” Remus suggests. “Everyone would know where you are at all time.”

Peter laughs but Sirius shakes his head. “I said I’d send a text when I knew if I stayed at yours or not.”

“Huh,” Remus says, biting back the ‘sorry how old are you again’ that’s fast in his mouth. He hasn’t had anyone keeping track on him since he was eighteen and the practice seems so restraining that he finds he has nothing else to say. He shrugs and dramatically mouths, “o-kay,” which once again Peter finds hilarious.

The light conversation Peter gets them in (how was your day and how many times did the movie make you cry) is put to a stop by the sound of one, then another, then a third, then a fourth mug crashing on the floor of the kitchen.

“Uh-oh,” Peter gasps.

“He is that mad about it?” Remus says frowning.

“Clumsy,” Sirius quickly corrects, whispering.

Peter also stills. After a few seconds, James appears in the front door, looking like the sky is going to fall on his head and he’s afraid to look if it is.

“Uh-oh,” Peter repeats for him this time with a mocking grin.

James glares. “Shh.”

“We should leave,” Sirius says, still whispering, “for a bit. Twelve years or so.”

James looks like he’s considering the suggestion. When Remus looks back to Peter, their eyes meet, and Peter’s smile tells him that if anything, it’s something only James will take the blame for and he relaxes.

“I’ll clean up,” James says, “and then… if she…”

The creak of an opening door makes him jump. Sirius gets up.

“Night walk sounds good to me,” Peter laughs, getting immediately shushed by James and Sirius.

“What’s happening?” Remus asks in what he hopes to be a low enough voice.

“Lily’s a light sleeper,” Sirius tells him.

“And she has to wake up early tomorrow.”

“I think she said she’d wear earplugs,” James says, hope shining in his eyes.

“We could say it’s a ghost,” Sirius suggests after a second, “or the cats.”

“We used that one before,” James says distractedly.

“Both of them,” Peter adds playfully for Remus.

“Maybe it’s better if we…”

“We should still…” Sirius says nervously.

“I’ll clean up first,” James says, still not moving from where he is.

Peter stifles his laugh under James’ heavy glare. “Didn’t you say you were tired?” Peter asks Sirius instead.

“That woke me and the rest of England up.”

James puts his chin up. “Did not apparently,” he dares a bit louder.

Remus can hear them holding their breaths at James’ bravado.

In the end, another creak has them moving. James cleans the kitchen while they get their coats and Sirius hands James his parka once he joins them outside.

“Actually that door noise could have been the cats,” Sirius muses as they wait for the elevator, “or the friendly ghost.”

“Or a mugger,” Peter adds.

The look he gets from James gets him laughing again.

“We’ll just take a little stroll to make sure she has time to fall back asleep," James announces, "and then we’ll come back.”

“So James doesn’t get killed when he opens his bedroom door,” Peter adds for Remus.

“Like hell I’m sleeping there tonight of all nights,” James shakes his head. “I’m sleeping on the couch.”

Sirius laughs as well. “Come on Pete, make an effort.”

“Never again will I be kicked out of my own bed.”

James keeps his chin high. “We welcome you into our house and this is how you repay us.”

“Never again, Potter,” Peter smiles easily.

Remus smiles as well, relaxing into their friendship.

*****

The night is colder when they walk the street down from the flat straight into Covent Garden area, bantering in the popular streets, walking past musical theatres left and right. Once Sirius slips his hand in Remus’, James and Peter walk a little faster to lead the way and – maybe – give them a little privacy.

“Is this okay?” Sirius says gesturing with their joined hands to the London night around them.

Remus smiles to him. “Yeah, it’s fine. Is it going to be okay with…” He nods to James.

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just… When I was dating my ex,” he explains awkwardly, “I used to skip training a lot to spend time with him.”

Remus frowns. “Wasn’t he on the football team with you?”

“He didn’t exactly have stellar attendance,” Sirius shrugs. “Anyway, that and since we got into so many… arguments about my ex, I wouldn’t tell James when I’d be seeing him or when I was with him so he’s,” Sirius gives another awkward smile, “thinking I’m doing the same thing again?”

“Oh. Okay.”

“But I really wanted to be here tonight for you so… I mean, it’s not like I can’t miss training. James’ just…”

“James has really good hearing,” James says turning to him to raise challenging eyebrows.

“James’ just a pain in the arse,” Sirius finishes with a challenging smile to James.

“I missed last Saturday’s to go to Barcelona, then we both missed Monday’s,” Sirius continues, his tone lighter now that he has seen James grimacing but smiling. “So it’s almost three in a row and it throws off the teamwork a bit when one of us misses too many.”

“Well it’s one poetry night a month,” Remus smiles. “I’ll aim for the later slots so it doesn’t tamper with your running around.”

Sirius smiles. A smile like Remus has offered him the world, the moon, all the stars in the night sky and a nice cup of tea to go with.

“That’d be nice.”

Remus smiles back, leaning to kiss his cheek. “Deal then.”

“What’s happening now?” James calls, walking backward to stare them down. “Planning to steal Pads from us some more, Moony?”

“Trying to avoid it,” Remus says, at first thrown off that James would call him Moony but then again Sirius does use his nickname often. It’s taken Remus a read of the Wikipedia page about stars to settle for ‘Sirius’ instead of ‘Padfoot’ – ridiculous name for someone who is literally named after a star, really. “I’m picking you up after you’re done on Saturday, anyway, right?”

James stops. “Oh, date on Saturday?”

Remus frowns slightly, smiling when he sees Sirius jokingly slam into James as they keep walking. “I told you about it,” Sirius says reproachfully.

“Yeah, yeah,” James says. “Not too worried you boys’ll get sick of each other seeing each other too often?”

Sirius doesn’t answer.

“I’ve seen the both of you far too often and still opted to move in,” Peter butts in, “I reckon they’re fine.”

“I’d even try to see you tomorrow,” Remus adds to Sirius, “but the backlash for missing roommates night is as bad as for missing trainings.”

Sirius gives him a small smile, shaking his head. “It’s okay.”

“Why are you guys not seeing each other on Friday?” Peter asks in a way that first sounds accusatory what with James trying to catch Sirius’ eyes. But when Remus looks at Peter, he seems genuinely interested.

“I’m going to the synagogue and then I’m having dinner with my boss. She doesn’t like me spending Shabbat alone so I usually have dinner with her family Friday nights.”

“Oh, really?” Sirius asks, forgetting James breathing down his neck to watch him curiously.

“She also makes me promise not to work on the Saturday and I’m glad I’m finally on holidays so I can stop lying to her about that.”

Sirius smiles. Peter hums, catching Remus’ attention. “D’you believe in God?”

Remus takes a second to think but in the end gives the answer he always gives to people who are not Jewish. “Sort of.” Sirius gives a look to Peter and Peter shrugs and walks ahead. “I don’t mind that question,” Remus tells Sirius but Sirius just shakes his head. “Do you?” Remus presses on, now curious as well.

Sirius opens his mouth, closes it to give a small smile. “No. We’re all atheists,” he says quietly. “More or less, if it’s the Potters asking,” he adds as a taunt to James.

James only has a grimace back.

“Look at this,” Peter calls and effectually distracts them from bickering.

They’ve reached Leicester Square and the place is still bustling while Remus’ watch tells him it’s well past one now. A few steps from them, a tall woman is standing with three birds happily chirping away, one on her forearm, two tied to a wooden perch.

“Don’t birds sleep at night?” James asks as they walk, entranced, to where the woman already has a circle of admirers.

A few seconds watching the birds are enough to pacify James and Sirius, who excitedly tell each other how amazing the birds are. Peter catches Remus’ eyes on them and gives an amused, all-knowing snort.

“Kids,” he says playfully to Remus.

Remus smiles. James and Sirius seem to have completely made up now. James is engaging the conversation with the woman and in a few moments Sirius has one of the cockatoos on his forearm, grinning as James takes a picture, and then they’re exchanging places and repeating the act.

Remus has wished James would like him but after seeing how badly Sirius reacted to him simply talking to someone he didn't know, Remus can guess how much Sirius' last relationship has affected him. Sirius hasn't said how long they had been together, just that it'd been difficult to tell, what with the cheating. And Remus can understand James' torment in trying to get Sirius to realize his ex was bad news.

He puts his hands in his coat's pockets, sighing inwardly thinking. There's a long way Sirius has to go before he settles what's going on with his family and Remus understands, too, that James can’t know if he can trust Remus to be supportive with everything else when Sirius and he are still testing the waters of their relationship.

He looks at them with the birds, laughing with the woman and each other, and Remus understands James.

He does.

But he also disagrees.

“Yeah," he smiles to Peter, who laughs his head off when one of the birds poops on James' shoulder. "Kids.”

****

Once they’ve done a circle around the block and are back to the building, James and Sirius are still laughing with each other, bonding to mock Peter’s overt kindness to get his holiday present from Sirius. In their giddiness, they decide to keep walking to Waterloo Bridge instead of going up to the flat.

They cross the Thames under the wind and Remus lets the night fly his tension off him as Sirius compliments his poem performance in detail to James and Peter, who congratulate him a bit more. He grins, shy and proud at the same time, so glad to hear the honesty in Sirius’ praise for his bravery. Their conversation with each other is easier now, and when James asks about his previous jobs, Remus is quick to keep their budding friendship going.

“I used to work as a guide in Edinburgh. Ghost stories and the such.”

Sirius playfully throws his hand away from his.

“Do you know any stories about London ghosts?” Peter asks eagerly.

Remus chuckles and nods to Peter before turning to Sirius and stretching his hand to him. “Please?”

“No,” Sirius says petulantly, “you’re not my boyfriend anymore.”

As Remus laughs, James agrees.

“He’s your worst enemy,” he says, “I bet you even love horror movies.”

Remus grins in spite of Sirius’ pout. “They’re a good laugh.”

“I reckon Sirius could use a little healthy fear,” Peter adds and Remus really likes Peter’s completely random but so far always in his favour commentary.

“You’re staying up with me if I can’t sleep,” Sirius warns him.

Remus smiles, unconcerned with the threat. “Deal.”

He starts with the London Bridge song, knowing from two years’ job experience that childhood references are as reassuring as they are scary. Since they all went to a boarding school here, it feels fitting to continue with the Eton boy story which leads to tunnels, the pest and button roses and by the time they are again on their way back to the flat, Sirius’ fingers are holding Remus’ tightly, which is no surprise, but James and Peter aren’t too reassured either. To lighten the atmosphere at Sirius’ insistence that he stops talking about “fucking creepy children and arse-old diseases,” Remus ends his storytelling on the first time he went to London on a school trip with his classmates. His story of underage teenagers getting drunk off cheap beers doesn’t unclench Sirius’ fingers from his palm but it gets James going about their own boarding school adventures. Actual adventures as it turns out: every day there seemed to have been an excuse to get up to some kind of mischief, from changing every classification boards of the library for what thirteen years old found hilarious (“butts and poop, mostly,” Peter says) to adding every liquid of their chemistry classroom in a single tube and running for their lives.

“Naughty kid, were you?” Remus playfully says to Sirius as they wait for the elevator.

Sirius looks behind them suspiciously, distractingly answering that ‘yeah, a bit, maybe,’ as Peter explains that Remus better prepare for checking under the bed five times an hour and hopes Remus can sleep with the lights on.

“Sorry, love,” Remus whispers putting an arm around his shoulders.

Sirius finds enough momentum to look up and glare. “If you don’t wake up for me tonight we’re breaking up.”

“I’m a light sleeper,” Remus promises squeezing him against him and kissing the top of his head.

Sirius shyly moves away from him, but still stays close enough to be held. Remus is surprised this doesn’t get any witty comeback from James, but when he looks at him, James is nodding off against the mirrors of the elevator.

“We’re way, way past his bedtime,” Peter comments, poking at James’ stomach but barely waking him up enough. “Let’s get you on a soft surface,” he coaxes James to their flat’s door.

Sirius follows James and Peter out, his eyes on the end of the corridor. “Aw, it’s all right, love,” Remus tells him, “you run faster than me, you’ll be safe.”

“Yeah,” Sirius says distractedly.

Remus laughs, filing this for later conversation since Sirius walks in the flat not waiting for Remus’ jokes.

“I’m gonna wash my hair quick,” Sirius whispers as they walk to his bedroom, leaving Peter to help James settle on the couch.

Remus smile. “Want me to stay in the bathroom with you?”

Sirius considers it for a moment, throwing Remus off.

“No,” he ends up saying with an amused smile at Remus’ surprised face. “I’ll be as fast as I can.”

Remus walks into Sirius’ bedroom on his own, glancing around at the postcards and pictures and the bright red bed sheets that he plops down on. But he barely has time to finish a text to his mother that the door opens again.

“Hi,” Peter says with a finger on his mouth, “don’t mind me.”

Remus doesn’t mind him but he still frowns when Peter starts opening drawers and lifting clothes out of their places.

“Looking for something?”

Peter turns, frowning too, accusatory.

“Yeah.”

Realization dawns on Remus and he laughs. “Isn’t the goal of a gift that it’s gifted to you?”

Peter huffs. “Isn’t the goal of a gift to have a gift?”

Remus snorts. “I guess.” He looks around the room too, at the closets he doesn’t know, trying to figure out with Peter where it might be hidden. He laughs covertly when Peter attacks Sirius’ desk and spends a few moments emptying a pencil pot. “No luck there,” he can’t help but say.

“No luck anywhere,” Peter grumbles. “Did he tell you where?”

Remus shakes his head. “Nope.”

Peter turns to him, eyes narrowing. “I can offer support with James, remember.”

“Right,” Remus snorts, “still can’t help you, he didn’t tell me.” He glances at the door Peter closed behind him. “Not scared he’ll catch you?”

Peter shrugs, “Oh, he knows I’m searching for it. He knows,” he repeats dramatically, “that little fucker. I’ve been bugging him day and night and he still won’t give it to me.”

“He only bought it yesterday,” Remus laughs.

“Oh- really? You were there? What was it? Didn’t he buy it in Spain?”

Remus bites his tongue. He used to think he was so good at secrets but a few more mistakes like this and he’ll be known for the opposite.

“Err, yeah, no, he didn’t. He bought it yesterday but that’s all I’m giving you.”

“Fine. Fine. He’ll be another twenty,” Peter tells him when he catches Remus looking at his phone, “he’s washing his hair.”

“Right,” Remus says, getting comfortable on Sirius’ bed. “Hey, does… do James and he fight often?”

Peter hums then shrugs. "What's often? Last time was a year and a half ago."

"Still about his family?"

"Nah, that time was all about - about Pads' ex. Just before Sirius broke up with him." Peter opens Sirius’ big closet, his face in the mirrored door telling Remus of how heavy a task getting through there will be. "You seem an all right guy, Remus," Peter adds, his tone almost professional, "but to be honest I'm not sure it's the best time for Sirius to be dating."

Remus knows it comes from a place of caring but he can't help but take offence.

"The problem's not us, though. We do just fine when we're on our own."

Peter shakes his head. "Yeah but... let's be real, this issue with his family is gonna drag at least another month and then they'll fuck off wherever the rich live. But it's not just a one-time thing. Every year there's some reason to try and play happy family and every year Sirius gets messed up by the process. I’m just saying," Peter shrugs again. "I don't want you to think it's a issue that'll be dealt with once and for all. This is... Sirius's life is a circle."

"It's not living at his uncle's that'll help him cut ties, is it?"

Peter looks at him, smiling that mysterious smile that Remus is pretty sure means he's being made fun of. "Yeah, our problem's always been that Sirius doesn't want to cut ties. We've been planning to move out of London since boarding school - Manchester," he adds in confidence. "But that's yet to happen because of the whole can't live without them when they can't live with Sirius."

"Right," Remus says thoughtfully. "Right."

"You get me, yeah? I'm not saying 'break up with him for his own good', or whatever, it's more like, 'save yourself the trouble' and - well, I don't know, it's still early enough for you guys, we could all be friends and not have to factor in the break up at all, yeah?"

"'Save yourself the trouble' is a bit harsh, isn't it?"

"Eh," Peter sighs, ruffling a few clothes. "It's also 'save us the trouble of his broken heart'.”

"Not quite the type to break up and be okay two days later, huh?"

The dig surprises Peter enough that he turns around, but his voice is even when he answers: "Yeah, not his type at all."

Remus shrugs. "Listen, I appreciate the advice and all, but I promise you, it's all good between us. I know a fair deal about arsehole parents, and I know Sirius has you guys to help, so… I’m not worried about that.”

“All right,” Peter shrugs. He turns back to Sirius’ closet, “I guess that’s my bit done then. Oh,” he says, turning again waggling his eyebrows in mock threat. “We did punch the ex, though, so beware if you turn out to be a cheating bastard.”

“‘We’?”

“Well, I punched the ex,” Peter rephrases. “But James thinks watching was just as cathartic.”

Remus laughs, not feeling at risk. “I bet.”

*****

Peter is relentless in his search but the MacBook stays hidden. It takes the better part of an hour for Sirius to come through the door and if Peter continues looking, Remus is dozing off on Sirius’ bed, Peter’s muttering and distracted conversation not enough to keep him fully awake.

And when Sirius coughs, Peter keeps his head in the closet but calls, “Where is it?”

“Only good kids get presents,” Sirius says in a singsong voice, coming to sit on the bed. “Wanna take a shower?” he asks Remus.

“Will you judge me a lot if I say no?”

Sirius laughs softly. “A little bit. It’s okay. Sleep then?”

“Mm,” Remus says, trying to shake himself awake but failing miserably now that he’s warm and comfortable. “Is Peter staying with us?”

“Are you?” Sirius asks Peter directly.

Peter dramatically closes the closet door, points to Sirius threateningly and then is off, almost slamming the door before remembering Lily is sleeping and tip toeing out.

Remus laughs, surprised when Sirius doesn’t look to be enjoying his little game.

“You okay?”

“Someone scared the fuck out of me,” Sirius reminds him, getting comfortable next to Remus. “But I guess I’ll survive. Maybe.”

“Maybe,” Remus smiles blindly, starting to unbutton his shirt.

Sirius’ hand catches up with him, gently taking care of the task, one button at a time. His fingers brush against Remus’ skin, the touch almost there.

“You have really soft hands,” Remus says, tracing patterns on Sirius’ wrists as Sirius also undoes his jeans and ghosts his fingers on Remus’ stomach.

“Thanks.”

His hands move back to Remus’ shoulders to coax him to move to slip the shirt off and Remus opens his eyes to share soft looks with Sirius. It’s sweet. And it’s not too fast, whatever anyone else thinks.

Remus cups Sirius’ face, brushing his thumbs on his cheekbones and getting a shy smile in return.

“I’d kiss you,” Remus whispers, knows fully well how close they are and that getting undressed gently like this did not leave him cold, “but I’m actually really competitive.”

Sirius laughs, loudly, his head falling on Remus’ shoulder. “You’re a dick,” he says, catching his breath and looking up at Remus, eyes twinkling.

“Just a bit. Wanna try to sleep?”

Sirius nods, leaving Remus to drag his jeans off as Sirius pushes the covers down. They settle playfully, Remus complaining until Sirius takes his shirt off before his bed turns into the seventh circle of hell, which Remus rewards by offering him to be the little spoon.

“Hold my hand,” Sirius orders once he’s settled comfortably. “Least you can do,” he adds before Remus can reproach his tone. “Ghost stories. I can’t even believe I didn’t throw you in the Thames right away.”

“I could tell you worse. I could summon demons.”

“I could also kick you out of my flat.”

“Yeah, but you’re too nice for that.”

“Dunno where you got that idea. I’ve been known to be really cool.”

Remus playfully kicks Sirius’ leg. “You’ve been known to be really repetitive.”

“As long as it works why bother finding anything else,” Sirius taunts.

“Cool and boring.”

“And pretty.”

“Yeah, yeah, you know you’re pretty, we all know you’re pretty.”

“Your friend Logan told me I was really pretty.”

Remus laughs, tightening his hold around Sirius. “It’s true. Very pretty and very sweet and a lot of other things I’m excited to learn about.”

“Gn,” Sirius says escaping Remus a little. “You’re so…”

“Mm?”

“You’re so nice.”

“Thanks?”

Sirius shakes his head, sighing. “Yeah,” he sighs again. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Remus smiles, kisses the nape of Sirius’ neck. His hair smells wonderful, sweet just so, and he makes a mental note to ask Sirius what his shampoo is. “Wake me up if the monsters bother you.”

“I will, trust me. I really will.”

Remus snorts. “Looking forward to that then.”

“Your fault.”

“I take the full blame. You can tell your friends.”

Sirius laughs, “I will. And I think he’s done. James, I mean. He’s done bothering you. He’s not usually good at keeping grudges, anyway, but I think he’s all out of resentment.”

“Mm, well, we’ll get on,” Remus promises. “I think he’s great. Just worried. I get it. Kinda want to show them my credential for being an all right person, though. Not a grade A arsehole in any case.”

“Where d’you get credential for that?” Sirius laughs. “Might help me in the future to see who’s on it.”

Remus smirks. “I’ll give the list to you if we break up.”

“Nice. I like that plan.”

“Nice.”

“Nice,” Remus grins and Sirius turns just enough to glare and then turns some more to cuddle against Remus. “Not tired?”

“Si,” he says and then tutting, adds, “yeah, I am. Bit scared of having nightmares because my boyfriend is a grade B arsehole who knows too many ghost stories.”

“Mm… he’s going to wake up if you have nightmares though, he promised.”

“Yeah,” Sirius says and Remus can feel his smile on his collarbone just before he’s kissed there. “And he’s really good at poetry. It’s kinda hot.”

“Mmm, is it?” Remus hums in his neck, moving his hands down Sirius’ back to Sirius’ hips as Sirius shifts one of his leg between his. “You’re really hot.”

Sirius doesn’t answer, kissing his way from Remus’ collarbone up his neck, small soft kisses, his lips dragging on Remus’ skin.

“I like that,” Remus finds himself saying as Sirius keeps going, playfully finding his way on the other side of Remus’ neck, propping himself up slightly to keep going. Remus caresses his hair back, threading his fingers in the thick of it, holding him to him.

Sirius stops moving after he’s covered enough territory, lying against Remus, agreeing lazily when Remus moves to embrace him. He sucks on the spot just under his mouth, more and more when Remus hums in pleasure and tightens his grip on Sirius’ waist, lets go only when Remus dares lower one of his hand on Sirius’ thigh.

“That okay?”

“Yeah,” Sirius breathes, “not gonna make me sleep, though.”

“Right,” Remus agrees, keeping his hand low on Sirius, despite how much he wishes to grab his arse. “Sleep, then?”

“Yeah.”

But Sirius smiles against his skin and attacks another spot. Remus grins. He kisses Sirius’ temple, the top of his head, soft gentle kisses opposite to the teeth Sirius doesn’t hesitate to put on his neck.

“D’you have to wake up tomorrow?” He asks before they get carried away, his phone having shown time closer to his bedtime than Sirius’.

Sirius takes a second more to kiss just under Remus' ear before sighing. “Yeah. Lily’s exam finishes at ten and we want to get some celebratory stuff done for after. That time of the year’s tough on her.”

“That’s really nice of you guys,” Remus says, putting his hands safely on Sirius’ back to ready himself for the call for stopping cuddling there that’s to come.

Sirius shuffles back against him, which Remus knows is a sign since he’s moving away:

“Moony?”

“Mm?”

“D’you mind if we sleep with the lights on?”

Remus tries his very best not to giggle. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Mm… do you mind getting them?”

“Right,” Remus agrees, taking his part of responsibility in all of this. He untangles himself from Sirius and the covers, crossing the room to the lights near the door. “Better?”

Sirius muffled answer doesn’t sound all-positive but Remus reckons it’s good enough.

He’s walking back to his side of the bed when Sirius’ small voice stops him. “Moony…”

Remus snorts, stopping on Sirius’ side to kneel on the mattress, patting his shoulder. “Yeah, love?”

“Can you come with me to the bathroom?”

Remus can’t help but laugh this time. “Forgot to brush your teeth?”

“Nah, just want to have a wee but I don’t want – ”

“To go there alone?” Remus finishes, a fond smile on his face.

“Maybe,” Sirius answers sulkily.

Remus laughs again. “Sure. Let’s go, then.”

“You have to fight the monsters,” Sirius tells him as he gets up, crossing his arms.

“I’ll fight them,” Remus promises, “and lose, and then you can avenge me.”

“I forgot Romeo was so against violence.”

“Hey, Juliet is not exactly a weapon wielding kid.”

Sirius shrugs, letting Remus go ahead and grasping his hand in a way that makes Remus giggle and also gets him a bump on his shoulder. “Don’t laugh or I’m getting Tybalt.”

Remus does laugh. “It’s her cousin, too, that really sounds like your life. But don’t worry,” he adds as they reach the bathroom door, “if I have to fight I’ll fight.”

“You better,” Sirius says as he pushes Remus to open the door and turn the light on and check for monsters. “Ok, give me a minute.”

“Yell if they get to you first.”

Sirius glares at him before disappearing inside. Remus grins. He touches his neck where Sirius kissed him, still feels the warmth of his body against his. He’s ready for this, he really is.

He wonders how Sirius feels.

Notes:

"Will I ever be good enough: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" by Karyl McBride is a very, very good book with a gentle yet eye-opening take on mother-child relationships. Strongly recommended!

Here is a round up post of all the amazing things people have been doing for ATB and some answers to some questions!

It also links you to emaly's tumblr, if you prefer asks to comments. Thanks for reading!

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kingdavidbowie on Chapter 1 Fri 24 Apr 2015 01:02AM UTC

this is beautiful~ and ah Oscar Wilde is rad; I'm glad he's here in good company)

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1. Emaly on Chapter 1 Fri 24 Apr 2015 07:50AM UTC
  
  Oscar Wilde lives on with all the queer people who study him! I'm glad you like the story!
  
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keatz on Chapter 1 Sun 26 Apr 2015 11:15AM UTC

This is hilarious, oh my gods. I adore this. So, so much.

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1. Emaly on Chapter 1 Sun 26 Apr 2015 04:23PM UTC
  
  I'm so glad! Thank you very much for commenting!
  
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Miho (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sun 26 Apr 2015 04:22PM UTC

Amazing fic! Everyone needs some trashboy wolfstar in their life ♥

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1. Emaly on Chapter 1 Sun 26 Apr 2015 04:24PM UTC
  
  I know, right? It's just missing a pretty cover...
  
  Last Edited Sun 26 Apr 2015 04:24PM UTC
  
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violette26 (Guest) on Chapter 1 Fri 01 May 2015 08:44PM UTC

OH MY GOD this is perfect, this is so beautiful, this is magnificent !
Thank you so much for doing this :O

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1. Emaly on Chapter 1 Sat 02 May 2015 06:37AM UTC
  
  Aaah this is so nice! Thank *you* so much for reading and commenting!
  
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haniac on Chapter 1 Mon 25 May 2015 09:47PM UTC

I have no idea why love this so much :'D Also i imagine Sirius to look like tiny Willy Cartier (without beard) :D

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1. Emaly on Chapter 1 Wed 03 Jun 2015 07:53AM UTC
  
  Haha! Well I'm glad you do! My favourite Sirius fc is Willy Cartier and I've forced him into merlywhirls' head so YES. Tiny Willy Cartier!
  
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petdragonfly on Chapter 1 Sat 20 Jun 2015 09:35AM UTC

I physically had to stop reading sometimes because it was way too perfect. oh my god. thank you. tHANK YOU.

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1. Emaly on Chapter 1 Sat 27 Jun 2015 08:11AM UTC
  
  Thank *you*!! I'm very glad you like it!
  
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cherryteapot on Chapter 1 Tue 04 Aug 2015 12:48PM UTC

Awww! This is so cute I can't wait to read the next chapter :) hahah

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Sary (Guest) on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Sep 2015 09:05PM UTC

I love the world you create. I can`t stop reading even knowing that I should be sleeping long time ago!!

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1. Emaly on Chapter 1 Tue 29 Sep 2015 03:35PM UTC
  
  This is so kind, thank you!!
  
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Gundy486 on Chapter 1 Wed 20 Jan 2016 01:54PM UTC

Hoping you update this soon! It's so good!

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1. Emaly on Chapter 1 Fri 05 Feb 2016 04:14PM UTC
  
  Well it's not been too long since your comment so tonight is going to be your "soon" ! Thanks for the nice words!
  
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haisekai on Chapter 1 Mon 14 Nov 2016 01:22PM UTC

i started crying again when i saw this was more than one chapter i love u merlywhirls and Emaly also thank u for this gift i think im gonna die i love this im so excited to see how this carries on!!! im gonna try and keep reading this during class lol

Last Edited Mon 14 Nov 2016 01:23PM UTC

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Jenmay (Guest) on Chapter 1 Mon 16 Jan 2017 06:48PM UTC

Please tell me this isn't finished, I need more!

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ReneeEmz on Chapter 1 Mon 03 Apr 2017 06:34AM UTC

Love the format, love the story, pleeeease update again! ❤❤❤

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Alytiger on Chapter 1 Wed 03 May 2017 01:36AM UTC

This is so precious. I love it XD

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Starstruck4Moony on Chapter 1 Wed 06 Dec 2017 01:44PM UTC

SO. MANY. FEELS. There should be blinking neon signs for this. OMG. I love this so much. Thank you for writing such lovely characters, with deep emotions and insecurities, and above all, love. This fic totally transported me to their world and was full of surprises that kept me totally hooked. You’re a truly loved lovely writer and do hope you return to at least write their kiss for us. Even if it has to be a small chapter. Anyway, Happy Holidays, and thank you for this piece. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Lucefray27 on Chapter 1 Sun 01 Apr 2018 04:55PM UTC

Hello! The Shrieking Shack Society would like to congratulate you on becoming a finalist in the 2018 Mischief Managed Awards! You have been nominated in the following category:
"Aesthetic: Trash Boys" - Best Slash Fic

Voting will open April 1st and continues on until April 25th. Winners will be announced May 1st. Below are links to the awards as well as links to the nomination banners! We encourage you to share them with your readers and share the link for voting! Everyone is welcome to vote and rules are displayed in the voting form. If you have any questions, please let us know! You can also join the facebook group by searching 'Shrieking Shack Society' — If for any reason, you wish to be excluded from future awards, please let us know. Thank you and congratulations!
XO, Mses Shaya, Lady, Bookworm, Kitten, and Luce, SSS Admin Team
Link to banners
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1MCFrrkjtiLiuFC41greO-dz-8DR6daZU
Link to vote
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/11sb7N1Lp02RFy_S4e5mJz5u0asfL6BZ0fhCM-Mau9Hg/edit?ts=5ac0778a
Link to read all finalists
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1qFJiVYfqusYC_n94kYbzC2EvkliI6xoYEI0GbtkfgGU/edit?usp=sharing

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1. Starstruck4Moony on Chapter 1 Wed 11 Apr 2018 02:35PM UTC
  
  Oh yeah!!! I nominated you! I'm sure a fuckton of other people did too tho. Go vote people!!!!
  
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Starstruck4Moony on Chapter 1 Wed 11 Apr 2018 02:35PM UTC

Yeah, so this MAY be my 8th??? time reading this??? IDK, but I found another friend who hadn't read it, pulled it up to send to them, and now that it's open I can't stop myself. It's just as amazing as the first time.

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Lucefray27 on Chapter 1 Tue 01 May 2018 05:04PM UTC

Hello! During the month of April, the Shrieking Shack Society hosted the Mischief Managed Awards 2018, in which we celebrated our love for Marauder/Era fanfics! Members nominated their favourite fics and then voted to pick the winners. We are so pleased to finally announce those winners! There were several categories with very close calls, including some ties. If you’re reading this message, then congratulations are in order! You have been voted either 1st or 2nd place in the following categories:

1ST PLACE: “Aesthetic: Trash Boys” (Best Slash)
Once all the winners have been notified, we will be adding the award banners as well as links to the stories onto the facebook group and website. In the link below you will find your awards banner which you may spam all across the internet immediately. You will need to remove all *’s before pasting the link into your browser search bar. (Note: In the event of a tie, both tied parties win 1st or 2nd place.)
Shrieking Shack Society,
Mses Luce, Kitten, Bookworm, and Lady.

http*s://d*rive.go*ogle.co*m/drive/fol*ders/1ZdRx7_ZUu4nl1QA0XmpaQ7e0hgZ2MM5E

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rachel_hk1 on Chapter 1 Tue 19 Jun 2018 06:19AM UTC

So this is probably the 5th time I’ve read this fic and I’m just going to leave a comment on every chapter because each one deserves a good read through and critique of how fucking marvelous it is.
Chapter 1: This first introduction is comedy gold. Just the fact that Remus Lupin would be down to send dick pics is peak Trash Boy perfection. Sirius’ flirting is fucking marvelous and deserves an Oscar (haha pun definitely intended). These two trash children are on their way to a lovely relationship.

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gavran on Chapter 1 Sun 12 Aug 2018 04:19AM UTC

Oh these boys <3
I’m so excited for this reread and I hope you are having a lovely lovely summer Em & Darcy!

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Mary (Guest) on Chapter 1 Wed 12 Dec 2018 05:46PM UTC

I’m sooooo upset there isn’t more to this fic! I’ve read through all your stuff and love how you depict Moony and Padfoot. This one is so lovely!

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