Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I opened my eyes and stared at a white ceiling. Blurry vision. Trouble focusing. Beeping in the background. Equipment everywhere.

“She’s reacting to outside stimuli. Showing an awareness of her surroundings. Oh my god, Miranda. I think she’s waking up.” Someone said in the background.

A woman walked over to me. She had mid-length black hair, pale blue eyes and was wearing a skin-tight white bodysuit with black detailing on it. She was beautiful. Was this Miranda? A beeping noise became more frantic in the background.

“Damn it, Wilson. She’s not ready yet! Give her the sedative!” Miranda chastised.

A thick Australian accent. She was in charge. What was going on here? I reached towards Miranda. Begging her to tell me what was going on. She leaned in close to me. Everything was so blurry. Like talking under water.

“Shepard don’t try to move. Just lie still. Try to stay calm.” She said to me and laid my hand down next to my body.

“Heart rate still climbing. Brain activity is off the charts. Stats pushing into the red zone. It’s not working!” Wilson said in a panic.

Beeping came from me, huh? Where the hell was I? Med-bay? Alliance? What wasn’t working? Miranda gave Wilson a deadly stare as she walked over to the monitors.

“Another dose. Now!” She commanded.

I felt the comforting hands of sleep reach out and grasp me. The beeping became calmer and more even. My eyes were heavy, and I felt more and more groggy.

“Heart rate dropping. Stats falling back into normal range. That was too close. We almost lost her.” Wilson said sounding relieved.

Miranda had walked over to me again and gave me a look I couldn’t understand through the blur. “I told you your estimates were off. Run the numbers again.”

My eyes drifted from her to the ceiling again as everything went black once more.

“Wake up, Commander! Shepard, do you hear me?”

I woke to a combination of a woman’s voice and a rough shake that shook whatever I was lying on.

“Get out of that bed now – this facility is under attack.” She continued.

I opened my eyes. I was still in the same room I’d woken up in before. Same white ceiling. No beeping this time and no blur in my vision. As I tried to sit up, a sharp pain rang in the right side of my abdomen. I winced and grabbed the spot that hurt as I sat up.

“Shepard. Your scares aren’t healed, but I need you to get moving. This facility is under attack.” The woman said as I finally sat up completely in the apparent table I had been lying on.

This woman had a thick Australian accent. This had to be the same woman from before. Fuck, what was her name again? An M-name… Miranda, was it? There was also a man in the room from before. W-something… Wilson? Where was he?

I glanced down at my own body. Hospital gown, one of those paper-thin ones. Nothing underneath, huh? Closed back, at least? Yes. Good. My hair caught my attention as I looked down. It almost went to my breasts and it only did so at the left side.

But I had shoulder length hair. Not long hair.

Then my arms caught my attention as I reached for my hair and they started to shake at what I saw. They had scars on them. So did my chest. My legs, too. Scars were fine. I never had anything against scars. They always told a story about something that had happened. But why the fuck did these scars glow in a menacing red color? What the fuck was this? Who the fuck were these people?

Desperate to remember, I tried to think back to what I could remember. Explosions… the Normandy was under attack. Distress beacon got sent out. I remembered giving Kaidan the responsibility to get everyone to escape pods… what else? Come on, Mikaela, remember! I remembered Joker not wanting to go, as I had to physically go get him. Then a blast. I was… I got spaced…

How was I alive? Did someone manage to save me after all?

Shots were flying everywhere outside this room and I smelled smoke. We definitely were under attack. Perspective, Mikaela, you already know about this. I needed to get out alive before my questions could get answered and Miranda seemed keen on me making it out alive. What was attacking us? And where the fuck was I? As I looked around, this seemed to be more like a lab than a med-bay. So much equipment, stat readings, and I was on a fucking table, not a bed.

Miranda interrupted my thoughts. “There’s a pistol in the locker on the other side of the room. Hurry!”

I looked ahead and saw a locker. Getting to my feet was a little easier said than done at first. I wobbled a little but quickly found my footing again. It seemed like I had woken up from a long sleep, yet my strength didn’t seem to have diminished at all. Weird. The locker held a pistol as promised but unfortunately no armor. An M-3, though. Yuck.

“There’s no thermal clips here.” I noted out loud and hoped Miranda heard me.

“You’ll find thermal clips outside this room.” She answered me.

She could hear me. Good. The ammo was outside this room. Dropped by enemies, maybe? An exit was behind me but so were canisters on fire. That explained the smoke. Fuck! I threw myself behind an upturned table just as they exploded. Got lucky there, I guess. It blew the door open for me and I was happy to find a thermal clip right there. After loading it up, Miranda started to talk to me again.

“Someone’s hacked our systems. Mechs are on the loose and killing everyone they can find. Get to the shuttles as quickly as you can.”

An inside job. Great. Where the fuck were the shuttles? Right, perspective again. I could worry about that later, as I had to focus on making it out of this room alive now. As the doors in front of me opened, I saw the next room had been barricaded. I vaulted over and heard the awful mutterings of LOKI mechs telling me to calm down, stop firing and to surrender.

Fuck. I had no shields or armor. The M-3 was a shitty heavy pistol. I would have to be quick about this if I wanted to survive. I quickly placed a couple of shots in its head. It exploded, which surprised me, but it made me smile wide in return.

There was another door behind where the mech had stood. I opened it and noticed someone trying to fry the lock to the room I was in. Cover was in front of me and I got behind it to wait. As the doors blew open, four LOKI mechs entered the room. Noticing they exploded from headshots, I timed and placed my shots carefully as they grouped up. The first two exploded and finished off the other two in the room. I smiled yet again and the coast was clear.

I should have paid attention to my surroundings but I just didn’t have enough time to do so. What I did notice, was this yellow elongated hexagon sign with lines hugging the sides of it. I didn’t recognize it immediately, though it did tickle memories deep within me. I had seen this sign before somewhere. Fuck. Why couldn’t I remember?

I moved forward and was met by a glass wall. A huge YMIR mech was wailing on two rather helpless people in front of me with its machine gun. Their blood splattered against the glass wall as I stood there for a second too long. Miranda urged me on as we didn’t have time to take it out. I had to admit that I didn’t want to either.

To the left was another door and by it was a grenade launcher. I picked it up while smiling to myself. This was a lot better. Down from where I was, I could see a door opening and another five LOKI mechs entering. I fired a grenade in the middle of them. The explosion and chain-explosions from the mechs left yet another smile on my face.

I found an elevator to my left and rode it down. As I walked through the door the mechs below me had gone through, I heard Miranda’s comm link getting broken up. It sounded like she was trying to tell me that something was wrong with the comms which was redundant. I could hear that perfectly. And this only managed to stress me out more.

Fuck. My guide was gone and I was on my own in an unfamiliar ship. Or space station. I wasn’t too sure.

Did I have an omni-tool, at least? Of course not. No cloak to help me out and that stressed me a lot. Just me, my shitty M-3 and a grenade launcher. It looked like I would have to trust Miranda, a person I didn’t know at all, and head to the shuttles she had told me to get to. The only reprieve was that she was interested in me staying alive. Maybe there were some answers to what was going on around me.

A door took me to a data lab where I found Wilson’s personal log. He was complaining about not getting more credits when his boss so easily threw credits at the project itself. He sounded irritated by it. I also saw a log from Miranda, explaining how they’d cut corners to hurry the process. What fucking process and project? I shook my head. No answers and I couldn’t focus on this now. I needed to move forward.

I continued up some stairs, where I found a man shooting mechs from the other side of a walkway. He was a young man, probably around my age. His skin was dark, his hair was short and black, and his eyes were a deep brown. On his body was a heavy armor in the same black and white coloring I remembered seeing on Miranda. That yellow symbol was also on his armor.

“Shepard? What the hell?” He exclaimed as he finished them off.

He knew who I was? I guess most humans did, either from the Blitz, becoming the first human Spectre or from stopping Sovereign. I ran into cover next to him as more mechs entered from the other side. Maybe he could tell me what was going on.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress.” He asked me.

Work in progress? What the fuck did that mean? Did it have something to do with the scars I had on my body? I needed to calm down. It was difficult to not know what was going on but these people were unknown to me. I didn’t trust them at all and I didn’t want them to know that I was breaking apart from the confusion and fear that only kept growing inside me. So I did what I could to hide the fear and decided to ask for some information.

“Are you with Miranda?” I asked him while probably looking confused as hell and he gave me an understanding look.

“Yeah… sorry. I forgot this is all new to you right now. I’m Jacob Taylor. I’ve been stationed here for-” He started to explain.

He suddenly got out of cover to shoot a mech in the head. He missed and hit its shoulder instead. It made it fire back at him. He cursed under his breath as that happened and got back into cover. Not a good shot, huh?

“Things must be worse than I thought if Miranda’s got you running around. I’ll fill you in, but we better get you to the shuttle first.” Jacob said and I shook my head a little.

“Look, I know this isn’t the best time. Can’t you just tell me what’s going on here?” I asked and looked him straight in the eyes.

“Fair enough. I’ll give you the quick version. You and your ship were attacked and destroyed. You were killed. Dead as dead can be when they brought you here. Our scientists spent the last two years putting you back together. You’ve been comatose, or worse, that whole time. Welcome back to your life.” He explained calmly and slowly, and ended with a smile.

My breath faltered. So I had remembered it right. I did get spaced and I did die. Wait, did he say two years? That couldn’t be right. Two years? What the fuck? How fucking bad was it? No, this couldn’t be real. Who were these people? I couldn’t stop the confusion this time. Jacob saw that and offered up more details.

“The Alliance declared you killed in action. The whole galaxy thinks you’re dead. And if we don’t get to those shuttles, they’ll be right.” He said.

“What about-” I started to ask.

“I’ll tell you what – you help me finish off these mechs, and I’ll play Twenty Questions with you all day.” Jacob cut me off and gave me a stern look.

Right. Perspective again. I needed to focus on surviving first. He checked his ammo and grunted a little at whatever it was that he learned from seeing what he saw.

“We’re low on thermal clips, but I’m a biotic. Just give the order when you want me to hit them with the good stuff.” Jacob said and ended with a smile.

Fair enough, I guess. There were 4 mechs on the other side of the room. Ignoring Jacob’s call to use his biotics, I quickly got all the mechs in the head with a couple of headshots each. They exploded in unison. Jacob looked stunned and impressed at my display. I think I even saw a shiver run down his spine. Fanboy? It didn’t fucking matter if he was. We holstered our weapons before getting up to our feet. It was time to play Twenty Questions.

“Okay, then. Well, I promised I’d answer your questions. What do you want to know?” He asked.

“Did anyone else on the Normandy make it?” I asked again.

“Just about everybody survived. A few servicemen from the lower decks didn’t get out. Navigator Pressly was killed by an explosion. But everyone else, including the non-Alliance crew – the asari, Liara, and the quarian – they all made it out alive.” Jacob answered.

I was sure Pressly got killed in the first explosion in the Normandy. Even if we didn’t always agree, he was an honest and loyal man to work with. An excellent X.O. I was thankful for Liara and Tali making it out alive. That calmed me down a lot.

“Do you know what any of them are doing now?” I asked Jacob.

“I don’t know, Commander. It’s been two years. They’ve moved on. Left the Alliance. Could be anywhere.” Jacob answered slightly frustrated.

Why did that frustrate him? To me it was like I died an hour ago and woke up now. Was it so strange that I wanted to know if my squad had made it out alive? I logically knew it would be difficult to know everything for him. I logically also knew that more time had passed than what I felt like it had. But that wasn’t what it felt like at all. It actually confused me and I thought it was difficult to handle. I decided to ignore his tone, for now.

“They were my team. If they knew I was alive, they’d come back.” I added and I was sure about it, too.

“Maybe you can track them down after we get off the station. If we get off the station.” Jacob answered, slightly rolling his eyes with the last sentence.

His tone was pissing me off a little now, so I decided to change the subject. “You said they spent two years rebuilding me? How bad were my injuries?”

“I’m no doctor, but it was bad. When I first saw you, you were nothing but meat and tubes. Anywhere else, they’d have put you in a coffin. But Project Lazarus was different. Cutting-edge technology.” Jacob answered.

Meat and tubes. What did that mean? It sounded like they had revived me from some lump of flesh. How fucking hurt had I been? What was this cutting edge technology he was referring to? I closed my eyes and suppressed a shudder. What exactly was I?

“What do you mean by that? Cloning? Cybernetics?” I asked desperately.

“I don’t know the details. You’d have to ask the scientists. But I’m pretty sure you’re not a clone. They wanted to bring you back exactly as you were. You’re still you… you just might have a few extra bits and pieces now.” Jacob answered like he understood he’d been brash with his explanation.

Bits and pieces, huh? Sounded like cybernetics. How was the fact that I was alive even possible? This felt so wrong. I was supposed to be dead and they had broken nature’s laws by defying that and bringing me back for some reason. I felt unnatural. I was a freak.

“Were there other test subjects in this Lazarus project?” I asked as I desperately wanted to change the subject.

“Project Lazarus only had one subject. The whole point was to bring you back. Just you. Even that was a challenge. Two years. All the top scientists. The best technology money could buy.” Jacob answered.

Why, though? What was so fucking special about me? I wanted to ask but I could tell he didn’t know anything about it himself. He seemed to only be a simple guard. It would have to wait. I started focusing on the present threat and the most pressing issue: getting the fuck out of here.

“What’s the quickest way to those shuttles?” I asked, eager to get away from this station alive.

“Depends where the mechs are thickest. It’s probably best if we-” Jacob answered.

“Check. Check. Anyone on this frequency? Anybody still alive out there? Hello?” A man said through a radio.

I recognized his voice. It belonged to the man in the room with Miranda when I woke up that time. Wilson was his name, I remembered that now. Jacob even said it. He and Jacob talked for a while, before Wilson urged us to go to the service center.

We continued into an engineering room and were met by multiple mechs. Jacob and I finished them off quickly, before I could hear Jacob chastise Wilson for leading us there since the area was crawling with mechs. That was suspicious, I thought. Wouldn’t Wilson want to lead us to a safe location? But Wilson pointed out mechs were crawling all over the station and I guess that made some sense.

Exiting the room there was a staircase in front of us. Wilson howled about him being found by mechs and told us to go help him. Jacob and I picked up our paces and quickly found Wilson sitting behind some cover while gripping his leg in pain. I noticed there weren’t any mechs around, destroyed or alive. His leg didn’t actually look to be that hurt either.

So he was pissed about not being paid more, he led us to a dangerous location crawling with mechs, and there were no signs of him not being surrounded my these mechs that had attacked him. I gathered that he had to be the one who’d hacked the mechs. Only made sense when I thought about it.

However good my aim was, I couldn’t risk taking him out on my own. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to see if Jacob would figure it out, too. It was kinda obvious from my point of view and I was sure Wilson would make more comments telling me I was right. So I looked at Jacob and waited for him to figure it out, too.

Jacob urged me to find medi-gel and apply it to his leg instead. I did what I was told and thought that he probably just was a pretty face, then. He used an SMG, like some fucking crazy person would. He also had biotics and from what I had seen, it wasn’t that impressive. He could pull shit towards himself and that seemed to be it. He had incendiary ammo, tough. I guess that was nice.

But he didn’t seem to be that smart or that able. Maybe he just assumed that treason wasn’t an option for Wilson? Nah, he couldn’t be that innocent, could he? Humans were the best at treason, in my experience. Wilson and Jacob continued discussing what had happened and I zoned out while they did. I really didn’t care.

But then they started to argue, and I really couldn’t take right now. We needed to get off the station, not bicker like some fucking kids.

“Listen, I don’t know where the fuck I am or who you are. I suggest we get to the fucking shuttles before this argument continues.” I said sternly to both of them.

“Right, Shepard. We need to find Miranda. We can’t leave her behind.” Jacob said, agreeing with my decision.

“Forget about Miranda. She was over in D wing. The mechs were all over that sector. There’s no way she survived.” Wilson exclaimed.

Another big hint. Forget about the woman who seemed to be in charge and move fast enough to only save himself. I looked at Jacob, to see if he’d figured it out yet. Come on, man. You can do this.

“A bunch of mechs won’t drop Miranda. She’s alive.” Jacob answered and even narrowed his eyes slightly at Wilson.

After gauging his reaction, I understood that it wasn’t from suspicion, but from emotion. Miranda and Jacob apparently had history. They were both attractive people, so I guessed it made sense for them to hook up at some point. But Jacob still didn’t get it, huh?

“Then where is she? Why haven’t we heard from her? There are only two possible explanations: she’s either dead… or she’s the traitor!” Wilson exclaimed dramatically.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Of course the traitor would try to place the blame on someone else. But if that was the case, then why the fuck would she even try to save me?

“Then why did she do her best to save me?” I asked Wilson with a knowing look.

I hoped Jacob would’ve figured it out by now. Wilson averted my gaze and decided to talk to Jacob. Yeah, buddy. I see you being a traitorous little asshole. Too bad there’s only one here that does, since pretty face over there seems to be blind as a fucking bat.

“Okay, maybe she’s not the traitor. But that doesn’t change the fact. We’re here, she’s not. We need to save ourselves. The shuttle bay is only a few-” Wilson said as mechs started filling the room.

The battle was short, due to a well-placed shot from Jacob to some explosives. Would you look at that. He’d finally done something useful. But as we were heading out of the room we were in, Jacob stopped and looked conflicted. He wanted to say something. Tell me something uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know right now but that didn’t really stop him from speaking.

“Okay, we took ‘em down, but this is getting tense. Shepard, if I tell you who we work for, will you trust me?” Jacob asked.

“This really isn’t the time, Jacob.” Wilson shot in while looking nervous as hell.

“We won’t make it if she’s expecting a shot in the back.” Jacob retorted.

“If you want to piss off the boss, it’s your ass, Jacob.” Wilson answered defeated.

Oh, boy. This couldn’t be anything good at all. Would I trust Jacob if he told me? Fuck, no. Trust was difficult enough for me to begin with and I absolutely did not trust any of the people here. But I wanted to know who these people were. I looked at Jacob expectantly and saw him take a deep breath before he answered me.

“The Lazarus Project, the program that rebuilt you… it’s funded and controlled by Cerberus.” He said.

The name rang a bell but it didn’t immediately tell me anything. “I think I ran into Cerberus a few times after I took down Saren. Some kind of pro-human splinter group, right?”

More memories were coming back, and they were filled with husks, rachni, and Thorian creepers. Science experiments. Humans as test subjects. I started to feel sick to my stomach. They had moved from those to experimenting with reviving a corpse, huh? I guess the name Lazarus should’ve rang a bell. Terrorists. Fuck. I needed to play it cool if I wanted to live.

Jacob started to pace, clearly uncomfortable at the look on my face as I realized just who they were. “Well, that’s what the Alliance wants you to believe. But there’s more to it. The Alliance declared you dead. They gave up. Cerberus spent a fortune to bring you back. Look, I’d be suspicious too. But right now, we have to work together. I thought you deserved to know what’s what. Once we’re off the station, I’ll take you to the Illusive Man. He’ll explain everything. I promise.”

“Illusive Man? Is he in charge of all this?” I asked curiously and frustrated at not knowing anything at all.

“Yeah. That’s not his real name, of course. Nobody knows who he really is.” Wilson answered.

“It was a code name the Alliance used for him. It kinda stuck.” Jacob added.

I wondered why. He clearly said illusive and not elusive, though I gathered that he also was the latter if none knew his name. Illusive. Deceptive. Illusionary. Another crazy person belonging to this crazy group. I thought about the information I’d been given for a moment. Jacob being upfront with me did calm me a little down. Did it make me trust him? Well, like I expected, it absolutely did not. But I still needed to play it cool.

“I respect you for telling me the truth, Jacob. Right now, we need to get out of here. We can discuss this later.” I said calmly to Jacob as I turned around and continued walking.

We came to an open room and I could tell the shuttle would be close by. This felt like a shuttle bay, only on a more massive scale. A few mechs were lined up in front of us and above us. We all took care of them together quickly because we really didn’t have time to play around. I needed to get off this station as soon as possible and get the fuck back to the Citadel. We eventually came upon a locked door. It would need to be bypassed if we wanted to escape and Wilson ran up to it to do just that.

“C’mon, through here. We’re almost at the…” Wilson said but stopped as the doors opened.

A woman stood there and I recognized her from before. This was Miranda. The woman that, according to Wilson, was the traitor. She looked like a smart woman. Her face turned extremely sour when she saw Wilson right in front of her. I waited for the inevitable to happen and actually felt a little calm for not being the only one who could put two and two together.

“Miranda! But, you were…” Wilson only managed to say before Miranda put her pistol to his head and blew his head off.

“Dead?” She finished with narrowed eyes.

“What the hell are you doing?” Jacob asked frantically.

“My job. Wilson betrayed us all.” Miranda answered calmly.

“Finally.” I let out while shaking my head.

Miranda and Jacob both looked at me with completely different expressions. Miranda had a small smile on her face. Curt. Polite. Not happy or satisfied. Jacob only looked shocked. How can you say that, that kind of expression. I looked back at him disappointed.

“I listened to a log where he talked about how disappointed he was at not getting paid more. Then he wailed about being hurt by mechs, yet there weren’t any where we found him. And lastly, he placed the blame on Miranda awfully quickly. Only a traitor is that quick to shift the focus onto someone else. Honestly, I thought you’d figure it out as quickly as I did.” I explained to him and heard Miranda stifle a chuckle as it ended.

We quickly went to the shuttles. Miranda gave Jacob a disapproving look when she learned he already had told me about who they worked for. She then wanted me to meet the Illusive Man as soon as possible, which I had to admit I didn’t look forward to. The shuttle ride would take around 30 minutes in FTL speed. I leaned against my seat and rolled my neck while thinking about all the questions I had.

I’d been gone two whole years. First of all, how old was I? Would I still be considered 29 years old or was I 31 years old? My body felt stronger, like I was a teenager again. And it felt like that even if I hadn’t moved a muscle for those two years. That was probably thanks to the cybernetics. Most of my muscles had withered away. I was strong, but I didn’t look like I was. Now I just looked like some physically weak and curvy woman. I wondered how much of me was machine.

Was I thankful for being alive? That was a tricky one to answer. A second chance at life. Something everyone would be thankful for getting. But these people didn’t bring me back from the dead to be kind to me. I gathered they wanted me for something. What, I did not know, but I figured it had to be something big for them to throw practically unlimited resources at my revival. But it still felt like they had broken some sacred rule by doing this and that made me uncomfortable.

Cerberus, though. This was the part that scared me the most. It felt like I was in hostile territory. Like I was some kind of prisoner. Though they seemed keen to keep me alive. For what though? I did my best to stay as stoic and calm as I could while panic slowly started to build up inside me. They weren’t allowed to know how incredibly uncomfortable and scared I felt. So I needed to play along until I understood what they wanted from me.

The ultimate test of my deception skills from the Reds.

I thought back to my death and my time before I died. I remembered feeling regretful and sad over dying. It calmed me to know that I maybe would meet Vito on the other side. There was no way for me to remember if I did or not. But what I felt sad about was the blue eyes and blue clan markings belonging to my best friend. They kept me calm as I died.

I needed to find Garrus. First of all, I needed my best friend to know that I was alive again. He was something I could hang onto that I knew. Something familiar. Incredibly selfish of me, but he did on multiple occasions assure me that he would be there for me. Two years, though. I hoped he still remembered me. He was still my very best friend in my mind but I didn’t know if he would feel the same.

And then I thought back to what happened on that last night in his bedroom. He wanted to know what kissing felt like. So I showed him and felt everything to let me know that I definitely had feelings for him. Fuck. I even sent him that long and sappy e-mail the night before I died. Had he read it? What if he had and I met him again?

Fuck, this was so frustrating to think about. It wouldn’t really matter, would it? Two years had passed for him, even if it hadn’t for me. He’d probably moved on a long time ago if there was a mutual attraction there.

“Commander, are you alright?” Miranda said and broke my thoughts.

A tear had apparently escaped my eye. I felt it run down my cheek. Damn it. I needed to show that everything was fine, so I smiled to her.

“Sorry. I was a little deep in thought. Did you say something?” I asked.

“Before you meet with the Illusive Man, we need to ask a few questions to evaluate your condition.” She repeated.

“Come on, Miranda. More tests? Shepard took down those mechs without any trouble. That has to be good enough.” Jacob answered for me.

“It’s been two years since the attack. The Illusive Man needs to know that Shepard’s personality and memories are intact. Ask the questions.” Miranda answered sternly to Jacob.

My memories were intact, alright. I guess this made sense. They needed to show that I was myself again and healed – fuck me, all right – before I met the boss. They probably wanted to ask something from my past. Jacob gave me a defeated look. I nodded at him, telling him it was fine. He took a deep breath before he started talking.

“Okay. Records show you were born on Earth. You were orphaned at age 11 and was picked up by a gang. You enlisted with the Alliance when you turned 18. You received the Star of Terra four years later, for holding off an attack on Elysium from batarian pirates on your own. Do you remember that?” He asked.

“There were a lot of batarians there that day. My squad were exhausted, and we were all badly hurt. Since I wasn’t hurt, I snuck around their frigate and killed them on my own. And I didn’t stop before every single one of them were dead and all the hostages were freed. I got shot in my shoulder and legs. I also lost someone close to me that day.” I answered calmly and made an effort to not go into great detail.

“I read the mission report. You saved the colony that day. It’s said that Elysium wouldn’t still be standing if it wasn’t for you.” Jacob answered with admiration in his eyes.

It wasn’t just me, though. It was a team effort, but I didn’t want to go into great detail about it. I just did the right thing that day. People needed to be saved and I was the only one capable of doing it. Besides, Vito died that day. That overshadowed anything good that came from Elysium for me personally. And the Star of Terra? Fuck, I didn’t care about that at all.

Jacob looked at Miranda. “Satisfied?”

“Almost. Let’s try something more recent. Virmire, where you destroyed Saren’s cloning facility. You had to leave one of your squad behind to die in the blast.” Miranda started telling me.

“Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was killed in action. It was your call. Why did you leave her behind?” Jacob said as he finished the question for Miranda.

Ash flooded my mind. A woman I didn’t agree with when it came to her suspicions of aliens, but as I got to know her more, I understood it had to be the Alliance she really was angry with. She ended up as someone I saw as a friend. An honest and fun woman who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. I smiled as I thought about her again.

“I left a friend to die that day, and I didn’t do it casually. I had to save as many people as I could and Ash gave her life for the rest of the team. Without her, we couldn’t have stopped Saren. She died a hero.” I answered assuredly.

“I understand, Commander. And I wasn’t judging your decision. Everybody at Cerberus knows that cloning facility had to be destroyed.” Jacob said with a sympathetic smile.

I gave him a fake appreciative smile back. Just as curt as what Miranda seemed to give me. I didn’t give a fuck about what Cerberus though about my decisions when we went after Saren. These people thought science experiments on living people were fine. Experiments involving husks, creepers and rachni. The bar for what would be considered right wasn’t high at all.

“There are other tests we really should run-” Miranda said but Jacob cut her off.

“Come on, Miranda. Enough with the quizzes. The memories are there, and I can vouch for Shepard’s combat skills personally.” He said giving her a frustrated look.

“I suppose you’re right. We’ll have to hope the Illusive Man accepts out little field test as evidence enough.” Miranda said backed off.

I looked out of the window of the shuttle and could see we were coming up to a huge station. It was impressive-looking and fairly well hidden away. It looked like a place where secret stuff would go down. We got out of the shuttle and walked up to what looked like a waiting area. Miranda ended up sitting down in front of a terminal to work. Jacob stood by a weapons display.

“Shepard, before you go meet the Illusive Man, you’re welcome to change your clothing.” Miranda said to me and nodded towards what could only be a bathroom.

I nodded and went into the bathroom to see what they had in mind. An undersuit. That meant that they most likely wanted me for combat purposes. What did they want me to fight that other soldiers couldn’t?

The first thing I did was avoid the mirror at all costs. The undersuit looked like they always did. No progress in development for two years, huh? Well, they were perfect the way they were. There was even a sports bra lying here for me. It was even the right size, a 34C, and I shuddered at the thought of Cerberus seeing every inch of my body. Touching it. Rebuilding it. I had been meat and tubes when they got their hands on me. How extensive was this rebuild? Fuck.

I put on the skin-tight bodysuit and did my best to not look at my own body. My abdomen didn’t hurt anymore, which I thought was strange. I ignored the red scars on my arms and legs and tried to forget the fact that I saw them all over my abdomen and breasts as I put my bra on.

But like it was fucking muscle memory, I looked at my face in the mirror and started to shake as I did. My hair was long, I already knew that, but it had been shaved off at the right side of my head. Like some sort of side cut. And then I couldn’t look away. Glancing at my own face, I saw that my scar from Palaven still was there. Keeping it company was a lot of red and glowing scars on my face itself. A big and deep one was where they had shaved my face.

I looked away, shook and struggled not to panic. What the fuck was I? Could I even be considered human anymore? This felt like I was close to what Saren wanted. A perfect meld of machine and organic. Like some fucking freak that shouldn’t be alive.

Perspective. I needed to calm down. I was still in hostile territory and needed to play along for them to not understand that nothing was wrong. Their boss needed to understand that I wouldn’t do anything, because I feared that would mean serious consequences for me or others.

Decent and dressed, I walked out of the bathroom and was pointed to a set of stairs. They led to an empty room with a circle in the middle. Was I supposed to stand inside it? Did this mean I would have a virtual meeting with the Illusive Man? I guessed it did and stood inside the circle. A grid formed around me as I got scanned.

After a couple of seconds of scanning I looked around. There was a huge red giant sun in the background. In front of it sat a man in an office chair. He looked like he was in his early 60’s. He had boyish dark hair, a nice suit on and was smoking a cigarette. His eyes caught mine right away. They were glowing in an intense blue color. I’d never seen anything like it before.

“Commander Shepard.” He said politely as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“Illusive Man. I thought we’d be meeting face-to-face.” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest, earning me a small smirk.

“A necessary precaution. Not unusual for people who know what you and I know.” He answered while giving me an intense stare.

What him and I knew? Thinking about what that would mean was difficult. That could really be anything. Was it the fact that they experimented on live people? This wasn’t the time to be sarcastic, though. There was really only one answer to this question. It was the answer everyone else seemed to not believe. Something I had seen with my own eyes and knew would be coming soon.

“The Reapers.” I answered for him.

“Good to see your memory’s still intact. How are you feeling?” He answered as he flicked his cigarette.

I gave him a small smile. “Let’s just skip the pleasantries and get to what you want with me.”

“Cerberus isn’t as evil as you believe. You and I are on the same side; we just have different methods.” He answered as he took another drag of his cigarette.

Didn’t believe him, but wouldn’t argue about it either. “Cut the bullshit. What are the Reapers doing that made you decide to bring me back?”

The Illusive Man stood up from his chair and walked over to my projection. Intensely. Like this was something he really cared about. He wanted me to believe that he cared about this, too. I listened, just because I had to.

“We’re at war. No one wants to admit it, but humanity is under attack. While you’ve been sleeping, entire colonies have been disappearing. Human colonies. We believe it’s someone working for the Reapers. Just as Saren and the geth aided Sovereign. You’ve seen it yourself. You bested all of them. That’s just one reason we chose you.” He explained.

“Fighting a war doesn’t seem like Cerberus. Why are you involved?” I asked.

“We are committed to the advancement and preservation of humanity. If the Reapers are targeting us, trying to wipe us out, Cerberus will stop them. If we wait for the politicians or the Alliance to act… no more human colonies will be left.” He answered with a smug smile.

I didn’t have an answer for that because he was right. What was sad was that he just told me that Cerberus probably wouldn’t have helped if this was happening to other species in this galaxy. They only cared because something was attacking humans.

“Sovereign was trying to harvest all life in the galaxy. Why would the Reapers target a few human colonies?” I asked.

“Hundreds of thousands of colonists have vanished. I’d say that fits the definition of ‘harvesting’. Nobody’s paying attention because it’s random and the attacks occur in remote locations. I don’t know why they’ve suddenly targeted humanity. Maybe you got their attention when you killed one of them.” The Illusive Man answered.

“If this is a threat against humanity, you need to mobilize the Alliance.” I pointed out because they were humanity’s guardians.

“They suffered substantial losses fighting Sovereign. They’re rebuilding, still stretched too thin to waste resources verifying the Reaper threat. Blaming the abductions on mercs and pirates is easier. And more convenient.” He answered.

I wouldn’t fucking know either way because I had apparently been gone for two fucking years. For all I knew, that would be right. I did sacrifice some ships to save the Council themselves. Quite a few got taken out by Sovereign itself. It made rational sense that they would be struggling right now.

“You know, you could have trained an entire army for what you spent to bring me back.” I pointed out and heard him chuckle.

“You’re unique. Not just in ability or what you’ve experienced, but in what you represent. You stood for humanity at a key moment. You’re more than a solider – you’re a symbol. And I don’t know if the Reapers understand fear, but you killed one. They have to respect that.” The Illusive Man answered as he gave me a respectful look.

I didn’t just stand for humanity. I stood for all of us. But I didn’t feel like pointing that out to him at all, in case that would get me into trouble.

I thought for a moment. The Reapers were my plight and I was alone in it, at least two years ago. Now there were someone out there who were just as interested in them as I was. They wanted me to continue the fight against the Reapers. Helping out the enemy wasn’t my style, but if they would throw resources my way so I could look more into what the Reapers were doing…

I didn’t have a choice anyway.

“If what you say is true… if the Reapers are behind this… I’d consider helping you.” I concluded.

The Illusive Man gave me a satisfied smile before he headed back to his chair. He sat down, crossed his legs and kept looking at me with that boyish look on his face. Those eyes, man. Cybernetics? Something else? I wasn’t sure and I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask about it either.

“I’d be disappointed if you accepted any of this without seeing for yourself. I have a shuttle ready to take you to Freedom’s Progress, the latest colony to be abducted. Miranda and Jacob will brief you.” He said.

An investigation right away. No sleep for the fucking wicked and it was time to be stressed again for however long this would take. This man and the people I’d met in Cerberus seemed to be interested in me being alive and showed some sense of respect. Admiration from some, even. Was I really a prisoner here, or was I allowed to leave?

“Is this a volunteer job, or am I being volunteered?” I asked.

“You always have a choice, Shepard. If you don’t find the evidence we’re both looking for, we can part ways. But go to Freedom’s Progress first. Find any clues you can. Who’s abducting the colonies? Do they have any connection to the Reapers? I brought you back. It’s up to you to do the rest.” The Illusive Man answered as he hung up on me.

I was back in the room I was in and stood there alone. All right. I guess I could investigate if this had anything to do with the Reapers first. If it did, then stopping them still was important. Cerberus seemed to have a lot of resources on hand. That would be helpful with this plight. Besides, focusing on something else kept me calm in the moment. I would need that calmness to get through this so I could escape.

I walked up the small set of stairs and saw that Miranda was still at her terminal. I decided to go talk to her. If I was working with these people, I at least wanted to know more about them. Besides, she would brief me. I also gathered that the Illusive Man wanted me in charge of this, so I wanted to make sure that everyone would follow my lead.

“The Illusive Man is very impressed with you. I’m eager to see if you can live up to his expectations on this mission.” Miranda said curtly as I headed over to her.

“I can’t have anyone disobeying my commands when we get there.” I noted calmly to her.

“I know who I report to. As long as you don’t do anything to betray Cerberus, I’ll follow your orders.” Miranda answered curtly.

She clearly didn’t like me, for some reason. I still needed to stay on their good side, for now. So I started buttering her up and thanking her for what they’d done. I wasn’t sure if I even meant it.

“I never got a chance to say how much I appreciated what the Lazarus Project did for me.” I said to her.

“I just hope it was worth it. A lot of people lost their lives on that station.” Miranda said giving me the same curt smile.

“We have to work together here. Your attitude isn’t helping anything.” I pointed out to her with my own curt smile.

“I have the utmost respect for your abilities, Shepard. It’s your motives that concern me. I believe in what Cerberus stands for. Only time will tell if you prove to be an asset or a liability to our cause.” Miranda answered and gave me her own irritated stare.

“Can you tell me more about the Lazarus Project? You were in charge.” I asked to her to see if I could pry more information on the matter from her.

“I wasn’t in charge. The Illusive Man was. If I was running the show, we’d have done a few things differently.” Miranda answered.

“What would you have changed?” I asked curiously.

“To start, I would have implanted you with some type of control chip. But the Illusive Man wouldn’t allow it. He was afraid it might affect your personality – alter your character somehow. He wouldn’t let us do anything that might limit your potential in any way.” Miranda said regretfully.

I chuckled and felt happy that this didn’t happen. It told me that my mind was my own, at least. They couldn’t tell me what to do and since the Illusive Man wanted me in charge, at least in this mission, that somehow calmed me down a lot.

“Yeah, I can’t say I like the idea of being brought back to life with a control chip in my brain.” I admitted happily.

“The Illusive Man is taking an incredible risk with you. I just hope his gamble pays off.” Miranda said still looking annoyed as ever.

I decided to change the subject to see if that would calm her down. I needed to know more about this colony we were visiting. Get briefed, basically.

“What can you tell me about this colony we’re going to?” I asked her.

“Freedom’s Progress? It’s a typical human settlement in the Terminus Systems. They had a small military force for protection supplemented by mechs and security drones. Average in almost every way, really. Completely unremarkable… until the disappearance.” Miranda answered.

I wondered why they would get hit, then. Maybe it was the location and the fact that they were so unremarkable. No one would think twice about them being wiped out. It actually made sense for them to get hit, the more I thought about it.

“Tell me a little about yourself.” I said while trying to give her a small smile.

“Worried about my qualifications? I can crush a mech with my biotics or shoot its head off at 100 yards. Take your pick.” Miranda answered and I could hear her getting more hostile.

“Fine. I’m sorry for talking to you.” I answered her and left her alone.

She was an intense person and it was obvious she didn’t like me. I didn’t necessarily need her to like me. I just needed her boss to understand that I wouldn’t do anything stupid. Her sour tone almost rubbed off on me, but I was determined to not let it bring me down. I shook the feeling out of my body and went over to Jacob. I wanted to get to know him better as well.

He smiled at me as I walked over to him. “I’m glad the Illusive Man convinced you to join us, Commander.”

“I just want to find out what happened to those missing people. I’m not joining anyone.” I answered honestly.

He nodded in understanding. “Noted. Do you trust me, Commander?”

That was the second time he said something about me trusting him and what a weird fucking question it was. I didn’t know him well enough to have made up my mind on the matter. Of course I didn’t fucking trust him, but I didn’t want to be that honest about it yet. This was still hostile territory to me. Jacob did seem honest and empathetic, if a little useless. But trust him? Fuck, no.

“I don’t really know you. You seem like a good man but you might be working for the wrong people.” I said with a shrug.

“Maybe. But I thought the same when I was with the Alliance. That’s why I’m here now.” Jacob answered.

He had been in the Alliance? I wondered why he left to join a pro-human organization that seemed to think science experiments were a lot of fun to do. Maybe he liked that kind of stuff. But the Illusive Man had said that Jacob also could brief me and so I asked.

“Do you know anything about this colony we’re going to?” I asked.

“It’s called Freedom’s Progress. Don’t know much else. I guess we’ll find out when we get there.” Jacob answered while shrugging his shoulders.

Bad at doing research, just like me. A little worse than me, when I thought about it. Now, I had gotten a lot better at it while we were hunting down Sovereign, but I was still bad at it. I guess I was told wrong, then. He couldn’t help inform me of anything. I let it go and focused on his time in the Alliance.

“You said you served in the Alliance?” I asked feeling curious.

“Five years in total. Stationed all over the galaxy. Even spent a couple of years as a Corsair.” Jacob answered.

“I’ve never heard of the Corsairs.” I admitted.

“It was an Alliance initiative. They hired independent starship captains and used them for missions that fell outside official Alliance jurisdiction. Technically, we weren’t a part of the Alliance. If we ever got caught, they could disavow any knowledge of us. We were supposed to be free from restrictions and rules, but there was still enough red tape to sink a cruiser. I finally just gave up.” He explained and I nodded in realization.

The short version would be that he was hired muscle for the Alliance. Like mercs. As he brought up the red tape, my thought immediately went back to Garrus. I smiled sadly to myself as I thought about him. This was eerily similar to the same type of frustration that he felt regarding the red tape.

“Why go to Cerberus, though?” I asked.

“I guess I just got tired of never making a difference. So much of what we did in the Alliance seemed pointless. I thought things would change after the attack on the Citadel. Humanity was finally invited to join the Council. But nothing changed. Politics. Bureaucracy. Same bullshit, different leaders. Cerberus is different. When colonies go missing, we don’t commission a team to write a report to figure out what the hell to do about it. We just go and find out.” Jacob explained eagerly.

I guess I could respect his reasoning. How could I not? It was basically like hearing Garrus complaining on the SR1. Fuck, I missed him a lot and I wondered if he was okay. I wished he was here to keep me grounded and give me the strength I needed to face whatever this would be with these mad fucking people. Thinking about him made my eyes well up slightly again from tears but I managed to stop the meltdown before it happened.

“I guess it’s off to Freedom’s Progress, then. Where are my weapons?” I asked him as I looked around.

“You can take your pick of weapons over there.” He answered and gestured to an armory.

I nodded and walked up to it. After looking through it quickly, I couldn’t find what I was looking for. Maybe I had worded myself wrong, so I turned to face him while shaking my head.

“No. Where is my Black Widow, my M-5, my talon and my Savant omni-tool?” I asked and hoped the question was clear enough this time.

“They aren’t here.” Jacob answered.

I closed my eyes and took a few breaths to try and calm down. “And why aren’t they here?”

Jacob eyed Miranda with what could only be some sort of pleading look. He told her to help him out because he sensed that I was getting frustrated and stressed and maybe even a little angry. He wasn’t wrong. My weapons were my tools. Not only did I love them and took great care of them, but they were also something I could hang onto that I knew. Something that was me.

But their silence told me everything I needed to know, didn’t it? They didn’t get a hold of my body first. My tools were gone. Forever, maybe, and it made me almost freak out. What also freaked me out, was thinking about how many others that had played scientist with my body before Cerberus got their paws on me.

“Who the fuck had my body first?” I demanded from Miranda.

“We don’t know. We’re not the one who got a hold of your body first. Your weapons and omni-tool were most likely looted and sold on the black markets.” She answered honestly.

As much as it saddened me, I nodded and hoped this next question would have a more positive answer. “Do you at least have my Armax armor?”

“Yes. We have the light version and the medium version. But not right here.” She answered me while nodding.

“Well. At least that’s something, I guess. Let me see what you have available.” I said and took a look at the makeshift armory.

They had all types of weapons here. SMGs which were a big no right away. I hated SMGs. Shotguns and assault rifles were here, too, but those weren’t for me at all. Of course they didn’t have talons, but I found a combat knife that looked okay. I took it.

I went to the sniper rifles first and had two choices in front of me. The Mantis, which would be a good one-shot choice. But it didn’t match how I preferred to work. They had a Viper. 12 shots per clip, but weak as fuck. That had been my training weapon in the Alliance. It would need two precise headshots to take anything down. With that huge pool, it would be okay.

Heavy pistols. I worked with that and liked them for finishing off things quickly. They only had M-3s here, though. Fuck, they sucked so much. It felt weird that they didn’t have M-5s. They weren’t that hard to come by. But maybe an M-3 with a cranial trauma mod could work well enough until I got my hands on an M-5 and bought another Black Widow.

I looked around and had trouble finding the mods, so I looked back at Jacob. “Any mods?”

“Not at this station.” He answered and I sighed frustrated.

“Right. Shitty choices it is, then. From what I learned from your logs, Cerberus has all the credits in the galaxy, and you can’t even afford any decent choices for weapons? That’s pitiful, if anything.” I pointed out through my frustration.

“I didn’t know you were a connoisseur of weapons, ma’am.” He said to try and lighten the mood.

Nah, I wasn’t in the mood for jokes or being called ma’am today. I was in an unknown territory working with a terrorist organization and had people I didn’t know all around me. Anger enveloped me as I looked back at him and this time I couldn’t hold back the sarcastic and frustrated answer he got.

“Well, I thought you knew everything about me. If you did, then you would know that I work with a Black Widow, an M-5, a Savant omni-tool and a talon. What kind of an omni-tool is this anyway? A Polaris, huh? Well. I guess you didn’t go the completely shitty route with that, at least.” I answered as I picked up an omni-tool.

Silence for a few seconds and then Miranda took control. “Have we been unreasonable to you in any way?”

Perspective, you fucking idiot.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This wasn’t the time to freak out at all. I needed to calm down and get a hold of myself as quickly as possible. They still needed to know that I could handle myself even if this was a new situation to me. Being adaptable was supposed to be my thing. So I holstered an M-3 and a Viper to my back and packed a lot of thermal clips.

“No. Sorry. Let’s just keep going.” I answered before I was led to my armor.

“Garrus? I need you to drop whatever you’re doing and come meet me.”

Sidonis tried to sound tempting with that but he lied. His sub-vocal chords were laced with nervousness and stress. This immediately felt wrong. But I trusted him. We had started this group together and I was sure he wouldn’t lead me into something dangerous for no reason at all. I still wanted to make sure he was all right, though.

“Are you all right? You sound-”

He calmed down with a chuckle and cut me off right away. “I’m fine. Just ran into a little trouble on a job out here and could use a hand. Garm and his Blood Pack thought they could pull a fast one on us. They’re running guns down here in the Kenzo District. Big operation.”

That immediately caught my attention. “How big?”

“More than I could chew, but nothing the two of us can’t handle together. Like old times.” He answered.

He used those words. The ones he knew I would listen to right away. They meant everything to me just because the old times were the best time of my life. I nodded, which he couldn’t see anyway, and decided to go help him out.

“It’ll get me a while to get down there. Hang tight.” I assured him, hung up and started to make my way down to Kenzo.

This smells like a trap, big guy.

Her voice again and it was still so incredibly bitter-sweet to hear. She was already with me in my dreams all the damned time and I sometimes heard her voice in my head, too. Like a guide making comments about what kind of situation we were in. Dad would have explained it as being her spirit helping me in my time of need. I knew it was just my own thoughts making themselves known and the fact that I missed her made those thoughts sound like her. But that logic didn’t really stop me from pretending it really was her.

The dreams were intense and I both hated and treasured them. They came almost every single night and mostly consisted of that last night she was with me on her shore leave before she went to work and died. She always straddled me and did whatever she could to turn me on. Lick and bite my neck. Massage that sensitive spot under my fringe. Grind her body against mine. I always grabbed her ass and pushed her closer to me to egg her on. Then she would always say something to me that I never heard before I woke up.

I hated them because it was a potential future that could never happen. She was my best friend but I think I came to realize a little too late that I had some feelings for her. I wanted her. But Mika was dead, and so it never could happen. And I loved them because I still couldn’t let her go, even after two damned years.

This time the voice was to warn me and I smiled as I heard it in my head. This is Sidonis, softy. Of course he wouldn’t lead me right into a trap. We had been working together for two years on Omega, you knew that already. Like he said, he was pinned down and probably a little stressed about the situation. He just needed me to back him up.

And so I made my way to the Kenzo district carefully. It did take some time. There was an awful silence as I came upon the district and my visor picked up no signs of any life. Where were all the mercs? Where was the fighting? No sound at all. I looked around carefully while staying as hidden as I could. Where the fuck was Sidonis?

A heavy feeling spread in my stomach as I understood that softy maybe was right about this one. The Kenzo district was on the almost opposite side to where our small little operation were holed up in Kima. Had he been stressed and nervous about the fact that he was caught? Did they tell him to lead me away?

Did he screw us all to save his own ass?

Fire ignited as I ran as fast as I could back to the Kima district. Took the backdoor, of course. Underground tunnels and that’s how we always came back to our spot. It was so silent. Too silent. But the scent of blood was heavy in the air. Fuck. I really didn’t need to look. Softy had been right all along. And I had failed them all.

Going upstairs, I found them. Ripper, Vortash, Weaver, Butler, Mierin, Erash, Sensat, Monteague, Melenis, Grundan… but not Sidonis. The fucker actually set me up and screwed us over to save his own ass. A few of them were alive. Barely. They were close to death and I stayed with them until they passed.

Noise coming from across the bridge caught my attention. Mercs. A lot of mercs. Eclipse, Blood Pack and Blue Suns? They’d teamed up together and wanted to play, huh? I was angry enough to do it but I took a good look at my situation before I did anything at all.

Disadvantages: I was alone. I had limited thermal clips. Waves of attackers would come at me. No time for sleep, much less food.

Advantages: I had the high ground. They had cornered me on my turf right into the spot we used to take them down. The bridge would funnel them right into scope for me. We had nutrient paste and a small, but healthy stock of thermal clips here.

No matter how I looked and thought about this, this would end in my death. So if this was to be my last stand, then I would make sure that I got as many of those little fuckers as I could before I went down.

I would do what I could to prove myself and earn my place next to her in the afterlife. From what I had researched humans had a lot of explanations to where their spirits went after death. None of them sounded right, until I came across Valhalla. It would be a great hall where fighting and partying would take place every single day. We would party together and fight like we meant it. Maybe even spend our nights together, too. Live out that dream I had every night.

Allergies probably didn’t exist in the afterlife, right? If it did then… fuck, that would suck, wouldn’t it?

I wondered if she would be my Valkyrie? Would she come and guide my spirit to the other side? I always pictured it would happen like that. Now was the time to work hard to make sure that I actually would be right.

Chapter Text

The only type of armor Cerberus had for me was heavy plated armor. Ugh. But it was all they had, so I put it on and immediately didn’t like it at all. I felt like I made a lot of noise and I actually also did. Not that it mattered. From what I had been told, there wouldn’t be anything dangerous on Freedom’s Progress. But I had been around. I knew trouble was everywhere.

Cerberus let me at least program my Polaris omni-tool before we left and my tactical cloak was quickly added along with the ability to incinerate. Then I added a program for hacking. At least I was used to the Polaris, but I only felt like it was shit after having the pleasure of working with a Savant omni-tool. Don’t get me wrong, the Polaris was a good choice, but it just felt like such a downgrade after working with the best out there.

I also tried to not think about the fact that Vito’s recording was gone forever. I would never hear his voice again and that was incredibly sad to think about. It kept me wanting to panic, but I stayed calm and focused on the task at hand.

The shuttle-ride was incredibly silent until I saw we were closing in on Freedom’s Progress. I had started to load up my weapons ready with thermal clips and hoped we would pull through without any issues at all with these shitty choices. Fuck, I missed my own weapons. I would need to double my hits to be able to take anything down now. That sucked. I wondered if I still had the same amount of credits I had before I died. If I did, then I would quickly buy a new Black Widow and a new M-5.

“We should be there shortly, Shepard. The Illusive Man put us under your command. Do you have any orders?” Miranda asked as she sat up straighter.

I needed more intel before I could give out any orders. What had they seem before, basically. That would tell me how I would move forward. I hated going in blind but I was somewhat used to it. We investigated Noveria, Feros, Virmire and Ilos without knowing a damned thing about what we would find.

“Depends. What did you find at the other colonies?” I asked.

“Nothing. No signs of attack, no corpses. Not even a trace of unusual genetic material to give us a clue. They just disappear, and we’ve got no target to go after.” Jacob answered for me.

Not helpful at all and I wondered why they thought it would be different this time. “What makes you think this investigation will turn up anything new?”

“At other colonies, official investigators got there first. Sometimes looters or salvage teams as well. We’re hoping to be the first ones there this time. Maybe find clues before somebody else disturbs the scene.” He explained.

Right. That made sense. I nodded in understanding at him and thought about what I would want to focus on during this investigation.

“Are you sure you’ll be comfortable following my orders?” I asked him, though I did have Miranda in mind as I asked.

“We didn’t bring you back from the dead just to second-guess you, Commander. If the Illusive Man says you’re in charge, you’re in charge.” Jacob answered with a smile and looked at Miranda with the same smile.

Miranda gave him a curt smile back. She clearly wasn’t happy and I didn’t really feel bad about that. From wanting a control chip planted in my brain to having to follow my orders. Yeah, that felt like a poetic kind of justice I could get behind.

But this also gave me what I needed and I knew what I would focus on finding. Hopefully we would be able to find at least one. That would be incredibly valuable so we could understand what had happened.

“Okay. Our first priority is to look for survivors. Those would have the best intel on what’s happened.” I said as I holstered the Viper to my back.

“That’s unlikely, Commander. No one was left at the other colonies. They were completely deserted.” Miranda answered while giving me a questionable look.

“Be nice to find somebody. Anything’s better than another ghost town.” Jacob chimed in.

They were both right but it didn’t change the fact that we would focus on finding survivors. For all we knew, one lucky bastard could have managed to hide away. If we were extremely lucky then this bastard would be able to tell us exactly what had happened.

As the shuttle landed, we jumped out and I took a look around. It was a cold midnight. Snow was falling outside and through the clouds was a starlit black sky. Lights were on everywhere, like there were people here, but there weren’t any sounds outside. It was a creepy and deafening silence. Uncomfortable, to say the least.

Looking ahead from the landing pad, I could see a door going into one of the housing that was here. I decided to enter it. The lights flickered on as we did in the most horror-movie kind of way one could imagine. We were standing in a living room or a brake room. Food and drink were still on the table. It looked like it only missed people to be complete. Like someone had been erased out of a picture.

“Looks like everyone just got up and left in the middle of supper.” Jacob noted and stole my thoughts.

We pressed on to the other side of the building where there was a door leading to the outside. We were elevated on some sort on balcony and could only follow the path to the left. Looking out over the colony gave me chills. It was a decent sized colony but none was here. It felt like a ghost town.

We walked to the left and went down a few steps. “Strange. No bodies. No structural damage. No signs of battle.”

Miranda was right. It felt so strange. The area was completely devoid of any life. It was eerily silent everywhere. There weren’t any signs that a battle had taken place anywhere. No dead people, no signs of bullets or weapons strewn about. No blood. I wondered how it was possible to kidnap a while colony without any fight.

We saw a door built into a stone wall in front of us. We decided to enter it, as it would take us forward. We were all surprised to see LOKI mechs greeting us further along and they immediately attacked us. Miranda pointed out that security systems should have been disabled, as I quickly shot them in their heads with my M-3.

We were also side-lined by a couple of FENRIS mechs. The hint was in the name but these looked like little robot dogs. They even fucking barked in a scratchy robotic voice when they hauled ass to get to you. They didn’t bite, though. Oh no. They exploded. I hated them already. A quick shot to their head also took care of them and I was pleased to see that they exploded, too.

“Someone reprogrammed them to attack on sight. We’re not alone.” Miranda noted.

I narrowed my eyes a little at that. She was probably right. That seemed likely. But we hadn’t seen anyone here. No other ships. No signs of life. I hoped she was right, though, and I was curious to see who was here.

We continued along, weaving through areas and through deserted buildings. We never saw another soul. The eerie feeling was getting overwhelming at this point. I never was a superstitious person, but just the thought of us running into a damned ghost seemed to creep up into my mind and I got uncomfortable thinking about that.

As we exited a building, we got side-lined by another FENRIS mech and a LOKI mech. Didn’t take too much to take them out. Would’ve been quicker with my weapons, though. But I had to use a shitty Viper and a shitty M-3.

Behind them was a door and this door was our way forward. I opened it and was immediately met by three quarians with their guns to my face. But I couldn’t do anything. I was looking at someone I never would expect to meet here. My eyes went wide immediately

“Prazza! You said you’d let me handle this!” Tali said in a stern voice I don’t think I ever heard her speak in before.

My breath faltered and my eyes widened even more as I now was sure it was her. Tali. My little sister. I wanted to run up and throw my arms around her. Tell her to save me from these people. But I couldn’t right now just because there were three guns pointing at my face.

Tali turned her head and seemed just as awestruck as I was. “Wait… Shepard?”

The question was so hopeful. I nodded and motioned Miranda and Jacob to lower their guns immediately before I grasped my mouth in shock and happiness at seeing a familiar face that even recognized me. Well, a familiar suit and mask, but this definitely was Tali. Holy fuck.

“I’m not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives!” The guy I guessed was Prazza said sourly to us.

Tali snapped her eyes to him and held up her hand. “Put your weapons down.”

Prazza seemed to listen to her but it didn’t look like he liked it at all. Tali had been moving up in the world, huh? In charge of her own little squad. That made me so very proud.

“Shepard? Is that… you’re alive?” Tali asked softly.

It was like she sounded almost afraid to believe it. Tears welled in my eyes as I took a step towards her. I also snapped out of my shock and managed to remove my hands from my mouth to prove it was me.

“Remember fighting that dropship in the mako? Or getting the geth data? Did it help you complete you Pilgrimage?” I asked.

Tali’s breath faltered at the realization that this indeed was me. “Yes, it did. Prazza, weapons down. This is definitely Commander Mikaela Shepard.”

She looked at me and I couldn’t hold back anymore. I ran up to her and embraced her tightly. Tali, my little sister. I was so happy to see her again. I felt her hug me just as tightly back. The affection seemed to calm everyone down around us and we broke the embrace after I even lifted her up and twirled her around.

“Why is your old commander working for Cerberus?” Prazza asked suspiciously, obviously not trusting me.

“I don’t know. Maybe we should ask.” She spat back to him like the little badass she was.

“I got spaced and died. Cerberus got a hold of my body and spent two years… rebuilding me. They want me to investigate these attacks on human colonies.” I answered her.

“Likely story. No organization would commit so many resources to bring back one soldier.” Prazza spat at me while crossing his arms.

“You haven’t seen Shepard in action, Prazza. Trust me. It was money well spent. But perhaps we can work together. We’re here looking for a young quarian named Veetor. He was here on his Pilgrimage.” Tali suggested.

Working with Tali? Fuck yeah. I had no problems with that. Though it felt a little strange that a quarian would complete his Pilgrimage on a human colony. I wondered why he was here.

“Why would he want to complete his Pilgrimage on a human colony?” I asked Tali.

“Quarians can choose where they go on Pilgrimage. Veetor liked the idea of helping a small settlement. He was always… nervous in crowds.” She carefully explained.

“She means that he was unstable. Combine that with damage to his suit’s CO2 scrubbers and an infection from an open-air-exposure, and he’s likely delirious.” Prazza elaborated.

He was extremely blunt but that sounded like it would be right. Damage to his enviro-suit would probably either be a death sentence or give him big problems in other ways just because quarian’s immune system didn’t really exist.

“When he saw us landing, he hid in a warehouse on the far side of town. We suspect he also programmed the mechs to attack anything that moved.” Tali said.

We had our answer to who it was that had reprogrammed the mechs. Poor guy. It sounded like he was scared to death. He would have all the information that we needed to find out how this colony had been kidnapped.

“Veetor is the only one who can tell us what happened here. Yeah, I think we should work together to find him.” I said.

Working with Tali again would be nice, though I understood she didn’t want to work directly with me. We would most likely split and have her team take a detour while we went straight ahead. She was the best engineer I’d ever met. Add that she was a curious, fun and a kind person, and it was no wonder why everyone seemed to love her as soon as they met her.

“Good idea. You’ll need two teams to get past the drones, anyway.” Tali agreed.

“Now we’re working with Cerberus?” Prazza said and sounded disgusted by the thought.

“No, Prazza, you’re working for me. If you can’t follow orders, go wait on the ship.” Tali retorted angrily.

The display made me smile. The responsibility of command looked great on her and she definitely was fierce and direct. She was growing up and I couldn’t help but feel a little proud of that.

“Head for the warehouse through the center of the colony. We’ll circle around the far side and draw off some of the drones to clear you a path.” Tali added.

Her plan was solid, but a question born from Prazza’s display was growing in my mind. “Your people really don’t like Cerberus. What did I miss?”

“They killed our people, infiltrated our flotilla, and tried to blow up one of our ships.” Prazza said with what sounded like a lot of hate in his voice.

“That’s not how I’d have explained it, exactly. It was nothing personal.” Miranda shot in.

“We can argue over who killed who later. Right now, we’ve got a job to do.” Jacob added as the voice of reason.

“Agreed. We work together to get to Veetor.” Tali said and I nodded at her.

“Sound plan, Tali. Make sure to keep in radio contact.” I said and gave her a warm smile.

“Will do. Good luck, Shepard. Whatever happens… it’s good to have you back.” She answered.

I gave her a little wink and then she left with her squad right after. We were quickly alone in the building again. The first familiar face I’d seen and it felt so incredibly good. Something familiar. If this investigation turned up anything I needed to take care of to stop the Reapers, then I sincerely hoped she would join me. Having her at my side would feel incredibly good.

Energized from seeing her, I motioned Miranda and Jacob to follow me as we exited at the back of the building we were in. As we went down the stairs Tali warned us about the security drones over the comms. I ordered Miranda to overload them while I placed a well-placed shot right in their… camera, I guess. They were immediately destroyed.

We came to another building where a LOKI mech was hanging out. I switched to my M-3 and blew its arms off. It ran out of the building, apparently not sure what to do anymore. I rolled my eyes and chuckled as it happened. Who would have thought that robots could be so damned funny at times? That didn’t matter though. I wanted to press on ahead and get some answers so my obligations to Cerberus were done.

As we exited the building, a couple more drones were waiting for us on some sort of bridge looking walkway. We used the same tactic as before to take them out and it worked perfectly. Jacob still didn’t add too much to the fight. Pulling them closer would be insanely stupid. Since he couldn’t shoot for shit, I just let him stand there and look pretty.

“Shepard! Prazza and his squad rushed on ahead. I told them to wait, but they wouldn’t listen! They want to find Veetor and take him away before you get here.” Tali said panicked through our comm link.

“We should have expected this.” Miranda commented silently, but I heard her.

I shot her a glare. Was it so hard to understand that they didn’t trust Cerberus, especially since they’d attacked their flotilla? It wasn’t like I trusted them either. I fully expected them to bite me in the ass at some point. I just hoped it happened after my obligations were done so this wouldn’t get too fucking ugly.

“Don’t worry, Tali. We’ll pick up the pace.” I said to Tali and hoped it calmed her down a little.

We weaved through a couple more buildings until we were back outside again. Four more rocket drones were lined up above us. Overload and careful shots in their cameras took care of them still.

“Hurry, Shepard! Veetor reprogrammed a heavy mech! It’s tearing Prazza’s squad apart!” Tali exclaimed worried.

Shit. Fuck. That was bad. A heavy mech. That could only mean that there was a YMIR mech ahead. Those were big fucking bastards with a machine gun in one hand and a rocket launcher in the other one. I felt bad for her squad though a small part of me thought that this was what would happen when they shot on ahead before we could get in place. I felt guilty for thinking that but it was the truth.

We came upon a big and open area. I ordered Miranda and Jacob into cover by the doors to the loading bay where the heavy mech was. I took point, putting myself in the most danger. Luckily, I could go into cloak and vanish in an instant. As I went into cover, Tali remotely hacked open the doors.

Before we could move, Prazza and his squad were overrun by the heavy mech in question. They tried to run but it was pointless. The machine gun combined with a well-placed rocket shot from this thing took them down instantly. I cursed underneath my breath and felt both bad and a little excited. It was heavy mech time.

I ordered Miranda and Jacob to stay in cover but to keep moving if the mech got close. Miranda’s job was to overload it as much as she could. Jacob would try to draw fire from it by being the annoying wasp at its side. I had to do the heavy damage with my Viper, which was funny, because this thing was weak as fuck. Though I did have the ability to incinerate it if things went wrong.

I took the viper out, went into cloak and repositioned to the other side of the area. The mech didn’t notice I’d changed my position and it didn’t look like Miranda or Jacob had noticed it either. Its shields had been stripped by Miranda’s and Jacob’s stings and overloads. It was only the matter of a well-placed headshot before it went down.

I scoped out the fucker and fired three rapid shots in the back of its head. It shook for a couple of seconds but it ended up on its knees before it exploded unceremoniously. It was down. We’d beaten it. Not that difficult either.

I quickly went to find Tali to make sure she was all right. I found her in a nearby building taking care of her wounded and fallen. I smiled at her sadly. She’d lost a lot of people to their own foolishness, and I felt bad for her for that. But I mostly felt relieved to see that she was alright. There was still one building I hadn’t checked. I walked up to it and opened the door. In front of nine screens sat a quarian mumbling to himself.

“Monsters coming back. Mechs will protect. Safe from swarms. Have to hide. No monsters. No swarms. No-no-no-no-no…”

I guessed this was Veetor. The poor guy sounded delirious, like he either was incredibly sick or had seen something awful. From what he said this couldn’t just be because of his wounds. He had seen something and I needed to know what it was. I walked over to him slowly from behind but made sure I wasn’t sneaking up on him. I wanted him to know I was there but that I wasn’t dangerous to him.

“Veetor?” I asked calmly.

“No Veetor. Not here. Swarms can’t find. Monsters coming. Have to hide.” He answered.

He was working on the terminal, either hacking mechs or doing something else. I immediately wondered how long he’d been sitting there and felt worried for his mental state.

“Nobody’s going to hurt you anymore.” I said softly but didn’t get an answer.

“I don’t think he can hear you, Commander.” Jacob said softly to me.

Then I needed to make him listen. Break him away from what he was staring at. As Veetor kept mumbling about monsters and swarms, I brought my omni-tool up and forced the screens to shut down. Veetor silently looked up at the screens before he turned around and finally faced me standing up.

“You’re human. Where did you hide? How come they didn’t find you?” He asked me.

“Who didn’t find us?” Miranda asked.

“The… the monsters. The swarms. They took everyone.” He clarified and his voice was still shaking.

As bad as I felt for questioning him, I had to know what had happened. He’d been here and he’d seen everything. At least it sounded like he had. I would go the gentle approach as he seemed utterly scared out of his fucking mind.

“We just arrived. But why didn’t the colonists fight back, Veetor? What happened?” I asked softly to him.

“You don’t know. You didn’t see. But I see everything.” Veetor answered and gestured to the screens.

He pushed a couple of buttons and that started up some sort of vid-feed. Security cams? Giant looking bugs were flying around the colony. And I mean giant. Like a huge tarantula with wings. After a few seconds an alien I didn’t recognize showed up. It was walking at the back of something that looked like a pod. The vid also showed these aliens carrying people to these pods. It was difficult to see anything due to the vid being in a poor quality but they looked to be black and had four glowing eyes. Creepy, to say the least.

“My god. I think it’s a Collector.” Miranda said after studying the screen.

“What are they?” I asked curiously.

“They’re a species from somewhere beyond the Omega 4 relay. Only a few people have ever seen one in person.” Jacob started explaining.

“They usually work through intermediaries, like slavers or hired mercenaries. If they’re involved with the Reapers somehow, it could explain what happened to the colonies.” Miranda continued explaining.

Omega 4 relay. That would be in the Terminus System. As much as I didn’t want to follow along this investigation this actually did peak my interest quite a lot. If Miranda was right and they were working with the Reapers… I mean, why else would they kidnap entire colonies?

“The Collectors have advanced technology. They could have a weapon that disables an entire settlement at once.” Jacob speculated but Veetor shook his head.

“The seeker swarms. No one can hide. The seekers find you. Freeze you. Then the monsters take you away.” He explained.

That explained what the bugs were for and it was incredibly chilling to think about. Giant fucking stinging bugs that froze you in place before these fuckers came to take you away.

“How did you manage to stay hidden?” I asked curiously.

“Swarms didn’t find me. Monsters didn’t know I was here.” Veetor answered.

“The Collectors aren’t known for being careless. Maybe his enviro-suit kept him from showing up on their sensors.” Jacob speculated.

“Or they were using technology specifically designed to detect humans. Only human colonies have been hit.” Miranda continued speculating and both seemed to be equally possible.

“Can you tell me more about these seeker swarms?” I asked Veetor.

“It’s how they find you. Seeker clouds. Machines like tiny insects. They go everywhere. They find you. Then they sting you. Freeze you.” Veetor explained.

Freeze you. Like some sort of stasis akin to what biotics could do, or on a deeper level than that? Total paralysis? Veetor’s voice was shaking the entire time as he retold what he had seen. I felt so bad for interrogating him but this was important. We needed the information he had.

“Sounds like miniature probes, maybe. Find victims, then immobilize them with a statis field or nerve toxin.” Miranda speculated.

“Tell me more about the Collectors.” I said to Jacob and Miranda.

“Nobody knows much. They’re so rare, a lot of people don’t even believe they exist.” Jacob started.

“More importantly, why are they abducting human colonists? What are they after?” Miranda wondered.

“Maybe the Illusive Man can figure it out.” Jacob ended.

Yeah, okay. They could tell me nothing, basically. The Collectors were apparently so rare that no one knew anything about them.

“What happened next, Veetor?” I asked Veetor softly.

“The monsters took the people onto the ship, and then they left. The ship flew away. But they’ll be back for me. No one escapes!” Veetor answered nervously.

“I think that’s probably all we’re getting out of him, Commander.” Jacob said softly to me.

I nodded in agreement. I wouldn’t torture the poor kid anymore. He needed medical attention and to get away from this place so he hopefully could start healing from what he had seen here.

“Thank you for helping us, Veetor. You were very helpful.” I said caringly to him and offered him a warm smile.

“I studied them. The monsters. The swarms. I recorded them with my omni-tool. Lots of readings. Electro-magnetic. Dark energy.” Veetor said as he activated his omni-tool.

That would be useful. Maybe we could make a copy of that as it would have a lot of information about these Collectors. But the door swishing open, Tali entering and Miranda’s suggestion stopped me from offering it up.

“We need to get this data to the Illusive Man. Grab the quarian and call the shuttle to come pick us up.” Miranda said.

I looked at her stunned and a little disgusted. I believe I was the one in charge of this mission and I was happy I was in that moment. Did she really think I would say yes to that? Oh fuck, no. This was apparently why quarians didn’t like Cerberus and I understood them completely now.

“What? Veetor is injured! He needs treatment, not an interrogation!” Tali said sternly to Miranda.

“We won’t hurt him. We just need to see if he knows anything else. He’ll be returned unharmed.” Jacob tried to explain.

“Your people tried to betray us once already. If we give him to you, we’ll never get the intel we need.” Miranda sneered at Tali.

“Prazza was an idiot, and he and his men paid for it. You’re welcome to take Veetor’s omni-tool data, but please. Just let me take him.” Tali said almost pleading with me.

“Of course Veetor’s going with you, Tali. If we can have his omni-tool, then that would be more than enough.” I decided right away.

“But Commander…” Miranda started.

“No, Miranda. The Illusive Man put me in charge. You said you would follow my orders. So, surprise, surprise, you’ll follow my orders. Leave the poor kid the fuck alone. Go call in a shuttle” I growled back at her.

“Understood, Commander.” She answered curtly.

Miranda and Jacob went away to go call in a shuttle, leaving me alone with Tali and Veetor. Just when we were out of earshot of them I let myself panic a little out loud. This was Tali. I didn’t mind her seeing me like this. She had been my guard on the Normandy. She had seen me naked while I showered. She had slept next to me in bed. We were good friends at this point – well, two years ago – and I trusted her to see me like this.

“What happened to you, Shepard? Joker said he saw you get spaced.” She asked me and I nodded to confirm that he had seen correctly.

“I did. I died. They told me they spent two years bringing me back to life. I woke up a couple of hours ago from… fuck, I don’t even know. A coma, maybe? They want me to investigate why human colonies are disappearing. They think it has something to do with the Reapers and I’m just so fucking confused and maybe a little scared, too.” I admitted.

“Why are you feeling so confused?” She wondered.

“Multiple reasons. It feels like I died just a couple of hours ago and woke up right after. It’s difficult to wrap my head around the fact that more time has passed for you than it has for me. What’s even more confusing is that I think what Cerberus is doing is good this time. I know what we saw. I know what we found. I know how sick they are. But if this has something to do with the Reapers, and it feels like it has, then I would finally have the resources I need to figure things out. I don’t want to work with Cerberus but I remember feeling like none wanted to take the Reaper threat seriously. Now someone finally does and this threat is bigger than just me.” I explained honestly.

Getting the words out felt good and I knew I could tell Tali whatever without any judgement. She was allowed to tell me if she didn’t agree with me but everything told me that what I said made it feel like she was just as conflicted as I was about it.

Because this felt like it would be very big. The Collectors were harvesting people from colonies. I only knew that Reapers also did that. Something told me they were working together and fuck… if Cerberus were willing to throw whatever resources I needed to investigate and stop them in time at me, then it felt like it would be a wasted opportunity to not do it.

“I understand that you’re feeling conflicted about it. I don’t think you would work with them unless there was a good reason for it.” Tali assured me.

Then I guess the moment of truth came. If I just had someone I could trust at my side then maybe this would feel a lot safer. Someone I cared a lot about and knew cared a lot about me, too. I decided to just ask and see if I would be right about my old team wanting to come work with me again.

“Thank you. You know… we could work together again. Like old times.” I offered up to her.

“I want to but I can’t. I’ve got a mission of my own. It’s too important for me to abandon, even for you.” Tali explained apologetically.

“Okay. I understand.” I answered with a nod.

“When it’s over, and I’m still alive, we’ll see what happens. Good luck with this mission. If I find anything that can help you, I’ll let you know.” She said and left with Veetor.

A refusal and I had to admit that it stung a little. I had been wrong. But this was where I had to remember that it had been two years for her but not for me. She said she wanted to. Her refusal didn’t come from her not wanting to work with me. She was just busy with her own thing right now and maybe I could get her to join later.

I could see that our shuttle was here, too. We entered and everyone sat silently as we rode it back to this base we came from. Miranda looked sour for not getting her way with Veetor. Jacob looked… man, I don’t even know. Surprised at me not wanting to bring him along, maybe? The kid was tortured and needed to be where he would feel safe. That was with his family and not with a bunch of pro-human crazy people. I could only imagine what kind of interrogation Cerberus would put him through.

As we arrived, I was told the Illusive Man wanted another meeting. Deciding that it would be better to just get on with it right away, I walked onto the same platform and was scanned into his office again. He sat in his chair and smoked another damned cigarette. This was the second time I’d seen him smoke. It had to be a fucking wonder that he didn’t have lung cancer yet.

“Shepard. Good work on Freedom’s Progress. The quarians forwarded their findings from Veetor’s debriefing. No new data, but it’s a surprising olive branch, given our history. You and I have different methods, but I can’t argue with your results.” He said and actually sounded genuinely impressed.

“You ever think about playing nice once in a while?” I asked with a smirk and got a smirk back.

“Diplomacy is great when it works, but difficult when everyone already perceives you as a threat But more importantly, you confirmed the Collectors are behind the abductions.” He answered.

‘Confirmed’ stood out to me right away. It meant that this man either already knew or suspected the Collectors were behind this attack. He was just looking for confirmation and I had no idea why he would need to revive me to get that.

“You already knew they were behind this, didn’t you?” I asked while crossing my arms.

“I had my suspicions, but I needed proof. The Collectors are enigmatic at best. They periodically travel to the Terminus Systems, looking to gather seemingly unimportant items or specimens. Usually in exchange for their technology. When their transactions are complete, they disappear as quickly as they arrived, back beyond the unmapped Omega 4 relay. Until now, we had no evidence of direct aggression by the Collectors.” The Illusive Man explained.

Finally some real information about the Collectors. It wasn’t much but it was a whole lot more than Miranda and Jacob knew about them. I listened carefully and immediately had a lot of questions.

“Why is the Omega 4 relay unmapped? Do we know anything about it?” I asked.

“Only that no ship passing through it has ever returned. Our best guess is that the relay reacts differently to Collector vessels, allowing them safe passage. If they can manipulate relays, that’s just further evidence of the connection with the Reapers.” He answered.

It sounded like they perhaps used an IFF system of some sort that had some sort of code that the Omega 4 relay recognized. It was probably something way more advanced than anything I’d ever seen on a mech or geth.

“Any ideas on why they’ve shifted their focus to humans?” I asked.

“If they’re agents for the Reapers, it could be for a number of reasons. Obviously, humanity played a huge role in Sovereign’s destruction. That might have been enough to draw their attention. What really concerns me is why they bother abducting the colonists. Once the humans are paralyzed, why not just kill them?” The Illusive Man asked.

I mean… I guess human ships did take down Sovereign, but it always had been a team effort. He wasn’t there. He didn’t seem to either know or care that there were multiple others that had been working on taking Sovereign down. That last question was an interesting one, but one I hadn’t an answer for myself. They were harvesting humans, that much was clear. For what purpose? No one knew.

“What do you think the Collectors getting from these deals?” I wondered.

“The Collectors aren’t very forthcoming about their motives. Generally, they seek out species with rare genetic mutations or abnormalities. They pay slavers and merc groups exorbitant sums to obtain these specimens. And then they leave. But they’ve never targeted a single species before. And the previous sample sized were in the dozens, not the tens of thousands.” He answered.

Yeah, the ‘for what purpose’ was what we needed to answer. Fuck, the more I thought about it the more it made sense for them to be working with the Reapers. That also meant that I felt myself getting more and more conflicted. I didn’t trust Cerberus and I certainly did not trust this man in front of me. But our goals aligned, at least in this case, and so I found myself willing to team up to figure this out.

But something bothered me. He had a lot of information about this. Well, not an exorbitant amount but still enough for me to suspect that he was hiding something from me. And if we were going to work together, then I wanted him to at least be honest with me so I could do my job well.

“You’re holding something back. How do you know the Reapers are involved?” I asked.

He took a drag from his cigarette. “The patterns are there, buried in the data. The Council and the Alliance want to believe the Reaper threat died with Sovereign. You and I know better. I won’t wait until the Reapers are on the march. We need to take the fight to them.”

I guess he wouldn’t tell me. His plan was one I definitely could get behind. There was just one major problem with it that I saw.

“I agree but, I’ll need an army. Or a really good team.” I pointed out.

“I’ve already compiled a list of soldiers, scientists, and mercenaries. You’ll get the best of them. Finding them and convincing them to work with you could be challenging, but you’re a natural leader. I’ll continue to track the Collectors. When they make their next appearance, I’ll notify you and your team. Be ready.” He answered with a smile.

As he did, a picture of a data pad popped up. I couldn’t see what it said but guessed it would be sent to me in some way. I hoped these were none-Cerberus people. That would actually calm me down a lot, even if they proved to be just mercs hired for credits. With that said, I wanted my old team back. Well. I wanted one person in particular back. Or at least know that he was safe.

“No, I want people I trust. I had a great team who helped me stop Saren and the geth.” I answered.

“That was two years ago, Commander. Most of them have moved on… or their allegiances have changed.” The Illusive Man answered.

I felt nervous about asking about him since he was such a human-centered guy, but if he just knew how well who I had in mind was, then I bet he would feel inclined to broaden his horizon. I asked just as his sentence was finished.

“Where’s Garrus Vakarian?” I asked and heard that my question even sounded a little stern and desperate.

He narrowed his eyes slightly before taking a drag at his cigarette. “The turian disappeared right after you were declared dead. Even we haven’t been able to locate him.”

Fuck. What? Garrus was gone? My heart sank. It didn’t mean he was dead, though, and that was a good thing. I would just have to track him down myself. I had to find Garrus if only to know he was all right. He was welcome to join me if he wanted to and this time I would just ask right away and not wait for him to offer it up himself.

“What about Urdnot Wrex?” I asked calmly.

“He returned to Tuchanka and hasn’t gone off-world in over a year. He’s trying to unite the krogan clans.” The Illusive Man answered.

That made me smile to myself. I always though Wrex was a level-headed krogan that would be perfect as the leader for them. And now he actually was doing just that. Trying to unite the clans. But I guess having my badass krogan would be a hard pass as well.

“What about Tali? She already helped us here on Freedom’s Progress.” I asked.

“That was unexpected. I need more intel before I’ll commit to that.” He admitted surprised.

“Okay, uhm. Liara T’Soni?” I asked.

“She’s on Illium. My sources say that she’s working for the Shadow Broker. If so, she can’t be trusted.” He answered.

Liara working for the Shadow Broker? The fuck? Little miss innocent and awkward scientist with her bold romantic proposals? That was incredibly surprising to hear. I didn’t agree with him, though. Liara always was honest even if she was a little awkward. I was sure I could trust her. I saw her as a friend.

But I sighed and felt defeated as I understood I had been wrong. “Okay, I get it. They’re not available.”

“You’re a leader, Shepard. You’ll get who you need.” The Illusive Man said with a smile.

“Well, I’m still a Spectre. Maybe I can get the Council to help us out.” I offered up.

A part of me thought it was a good thought. The bigger part of me thought it would be pointless. But with Council aid we could get things moving a lot faster. Maybe they would even reinstate me as a Spectre because I suspected that this title disappeared when I died.

“If you think you can convince them, by all means. Just remember – you’ve been gone a long time. Things have changed.” He answered with a shrug.

He obviously wasn’t a fan of the Council. I wondered why, before I remembered that this was Cerberus. Everybody hated them. Of course he would hate them right back.

But I felt like we had a plan. I needed to gather a strong team that would survive our pass through the Omega 4 relay. It sounded like this would be dangerous and as much as I didn’t like working with Cerberus, it felt like I had to, to be able to keep as many as possible alive. No one else were doing anything, after all.

“Okay. Why don’t you worry about the Collectors and I’ll make sure my team’s ready.” I offered up to him and he nodded.

“Good. Two things before you go. First, head to Omega and find Mordin Solus. He’s a brilliant salarian scientist. Our intelligence suggests he may know how to counteract the Collectors paralyzing seeker swarms.” He said.

I didn’t really want him to tell me what to do but I had to agree with the fact that this was important to start with if we were going after them. I nodded and confirmed that I agreed with that.

“All right. And the second thing?” I asked and got a boyish grin back.

“I’ve found a pilot I think you might like. I hear he’s one of the best. Someone you can trust.” He said before cutting the comm link.

A pilot? Well, I guess I would fly around in a ship, but my own ship? Really? I mean, it wouldn’t be the Normandy, but I guess it was something. As the walls around me turned back to the plain room it was, I heard a familiar hobble behind me. It sounded like someone walking in pain or with steel braces on their legs. It sent a shiver up my spine and my eyes immediately welled up with as I was sure who this was.

No. Had he really gotten me the best pilot in the galaxy? If this was who I thought it was, then oh my fucking god, I think I would freak out. I turned around just as he spoke.

“Hey, Shepard. Just like old times, huh?” Joker said giving me a big smile.

I couldn’t hold back. I ran up to him and threw my arms around him laughing and crying at the same time. My big brother! Joker! Someone I actually trusted and already knew.

“Hey, watch the bones!” Joker said, before hugging me back.

We walked out of the room together as I followed Joker’s lead. I couldn’t stop both staring and smiling at him. It was weird seeing him standing up. I rarely saw that. He was taller than me by about half a head. He had decided to keep the beard he was working on but kept it at a shorter length. Fuck, it looked really good on him.

“I can’t believe it’s really you!” I exclaimed happily.

“Look who’s talking. I saw you get spaced.” He answered.

“Yeah. I apparently got lucky with a lot of strings attached. How did you end up here with Cerberus?” I answered and asked curiously.

“It all fell apart without you, Shepard. Everything you stirred up; the Council just wanted it gone. Team was broken up, records sealed, and I was grounded. The Alliance took away the only thing that mattered to me. Hell yeah I joined Cerberus.” Joker answered honestly and a little sadly.

I understood him. His passion was flying, he was a damned good pilot, and taking that away just seemed wrong on so many levels. But did he really trust this situation? I didn’t at all.

“You really trust the Illusive Man?” I asked.

“I don’t trust anyone who makes more than I do. But they aren’t all bad. Saved your life. Let me fly…” Joker answered and I smiled.

What a damned softy he actually was. No, I appreciated it a lot. I was so happy to see that he was safe. Saving him was worth it especially when he was as loyal, good, fun, and talented as he was. We stopped in front of a wall with a window in front of us.

“And there’s this.” He added and motioned me to look out the window we were at.

The lights turned on and a ship was there. It had the same bird-like construction I recognized from the SR1, but it was bigger. So much bigger that it looked to have more levels inside. It had the same white color but its accent colors was the familiar yellow Cerberus markings. Strings attached right there.

Down the side was ‘Normandy SR2’ painted on. Fuck, did this mean that she handled like the old girl did? Stealth systems and all? I smiled at it. There was our baby. She was my baby, but I guess you could say this was Joker’s little girl. He had a special relationship with her just because he had handled her on a deeper level than I ever had.

“They only told me last night. It’s good to be home, huh, Shepard?” Joker asked while smiling at me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

I looked up at him and leaned my head against his chest. “Yeah. It sure is.”

Chapter Text

I entered the airlock and took a good look around. To my left was the cockpit. It was a whole lot bigger than the cockpit of the SR1. There were a lot more co-pilot chairs, and even room to stand around without it feeling cramped.

Joker spun around as I entered and gave me a smile and a wave, which I returned. To my right was the walkway with all the work station leading up to the CIC. Damn, this ship was huge. I wondered what Joker thought about the size difference. For me it had only been a few hours since I was on the SR1 last. For him, it had been two years. The differences were immediate to me.

The CIC still looked like it always did, but it was a whole lot more streamlined and prettier than it was on the SR1. The SR1 was a prototype, which I guess could be the reason for that difference. The color scheme was also lighter, making the already huge CIC seem a whole lot bigger than it was. They had moved the elevator to the back of the CIC, which made a lot more sense than it being down by the kitchen. I wondered what else was different.

I stood between the CIC and the walkway to the cockpit and just took it in for a moment. I was back home again and it felt weird. This wasn’t the old girl. It was a simple and bigger copy. Yet at the same time, this was like being on the Normandy again. I bet she ran like she used to.

“Welcome aboard the new Normandy, Commander.” Jacob said behind me and it made a shaky breath escape me.

Miranda started speaking, and I turned myself to face her. Her right hand was resting at her hip and she seemed deep in thought.

“I’ve been looking over the dossiers. I’d strongly recommend starting by acquiring Mordin Solus, the salarian professor on Omega. We know the Collectors use some type of advanced technology to immobilize their victims. We’ll need him to develop a countermeasure to protect us.” She said.

“Yeah, I agree. Without that countermeasure, we’ll be helpless if we ever run into the Collectors.” I agreed.

Acquiring Professor Solus seems like the most logical place to start.

A synthetic voice suddenly said. I froze in place and immediately felt nervous about that. I’d run into VI’s out of control before, like the one we took down on Luna. The memories of it were still fresh in my mind.

“Who are you?” I demanded.

I am the Normandy’s artificial intelligence. The crew like to refer to me as EDI.

A blue sphere popped up at the CIC and I turned around towards it to look at it. Did she say artificial intelligence? Did I just refer it EDI as a ‘she’? EDI had a feminine voice so it just felt so natural but also a little creepy. We had a true AI on board? That was… illegal.

“Helmsmen aren’t happy when someone takes control of a ship away from them. Especially Joker.” I pointed out.

I do not helm the ship. Mr. Moreau’s talents will not go to waste. During combat, I operate the electronic warfare and cyberwarfare suites. Beyond that, I cannot interface with the ship’s systems. I observe and offer analysis and advice. Nothing more.

EDI popped back down after that. The old Normandy had a VI. We had gone into illegal territory now, huh? I swallowed dryly and turned myself to face Miranda and Jacob.

“I’m guessing it takes more than just the three of us plus Joker to fly this ship.” I noted somewhat as a joke to calm down.

“The Normandy has a full crew. They’re at their stations awaiting your orders.” Miranda answered.

“Final preparations for takeoff are complete, Shepard. When you’re ready to go, just pick a destination from the galaxy map in the CIC or talk to me on the comms, and I’ll plot a course.” Joker explained through the comms.

“Just like old times, huh?” I answered through a smile and heard Joker chuckle.

“Jacob and I should return to our posts. Come find us if you have any questions.” Miranda noted and left.

Jacob offered me a salute, which I awkwardly returned, before he also left. The shit thing was that I was still in my heavy armor. What I wanted was to change but I didn’t know where my stuff was or where I would be sleeping. Besides, I felt eager to explore and get to know the people that were here with me.

I looked around, feeling somewhat nervous about where to start and nervous about all the non-Alliance people around me. A woman stood next to the perch of the galaxy map at a terminal. She had dark brown short hair and green eyes. She smiled warmly at me and it made me naturally close the distance to her.

“Welcome aboard, Commander. I’m Yeoman Kelly Chambers. I’ve been assigned as your administrative assistant. I’ll manage your messages, and help you monitor the crew. And I must say, it’s such an honor to work under you, Commander Shepard.” Kelly greeted, even with a salute, and a warm smile.

“I’m glad to have you on the team, Ms. Chambers.” I greeted back through a careful smile of my own.

“Please, call me Kelly.” She answered and I knew she was my kind of woman right then and there.

“Okay, Kelly. But only if you call me Shepard.” I countered. Could have gone first name with her... but she was a native English speaker. I still didn't want to hear my name being mispronounced all the time.

It made her smile and chuckle a little to herself. And that smile seemed a little… flirty. Now, I was a little flirty myself. Unfortunately for her, I wasn’t interested in her at all. Nothing would ever happen between us.

“What are your responsibilities?” I asked.

“I’ll keep you notified of any messages or appointments you might have. If any of the crew has important business to discuss, I’ll make sure you know.” She answered.

That seemed redundant. While it seemed like Cerberus were loaded with credits to begin with, having an assistant just for notifying me of messages and people wanting to talk to me seemed like a waste of credits, even for them.

“Isn’t that like a VI-task?” I carefully asked back.

She nodded. “Yes, but being your yeoman is just my official role. Unofficially, I observe the crew. Everyone knows how risky our mission is. Many of us may not be coming back. That’s a lot of pressure. I have a degree in psychology. I’m good at sensing when people are overly taxed.”

“Ah, you make sure the crew’s mental health is sound?” I asked through a smile.

“Yes, I look for warning signs. I listen. It’s not a full-time job and it’s most effective when done informally.” She answered.

That actually was a good thing. This was a dangerous mission we were going on and having someone that the crew could talk and deflate to was a good idea. I immediately found myself missing a psychologist on the SR1, especially after remembering how stressed and frustrated I had been after Feros.

“We’re lucky to have someone with your skills, Kelly.” I sincerely said.

“Thank you, Shepard. What else would you like to know?” She asked through a smile.

“This organization has a dark reputation. Do you have any concerns working for them?” I asked her carefully.

She was quick to shake her head. “Not at all. Our methods can be harsh, but Cerberus has noble objectives. We look out for human interests. Advance human technologies. Save human lives. They’re good goals.”

“But that makes it sound like Cerberus wants to dominate all aliens and put humankind on top.” I noted back at her.

And that was exactly what they were interested in. She could play it down as much as she wanted to with her answer but I knew it wouldn’t justify that for me at all. She looked at me, but didn’t seem put off by my wording of the sentence. She smiled and just started explaining what she’d meant.

“Cerberus looks out for humanity, but that doesn’t mean we hate aliens. My sister started a dog shelter, but she loved cats too. I love humanity. I also love asari, quarian, turian, salarian, hanar – that isn’t in conflict with Cerberus ideals.” She explained.

“That’s a very positive attitude.” I answered through a smile.

She shrugged with a smile. “What can I say? I’m a people person. Anything else you’d like to talk about?”

“How do you feel about being assigned to the Normandy?” I asked, eager to hear about her thoughts on the matter.

“I was handpicked by the Illusive Man to help fight the greatest threat known to humanity. How do I feel? Honored, exhilarated, terrified. But mostly I feel encouraged. Under your leadership, we can’t fail.” She answered honestly and laid on the pressure as well.

“Don’t worry. We’ll defeat the Collectors.” I said confidently.

“I trust you implicitly. The moment I met you, I knew I could close my eyes, fall back, and you’d be there.” She said.

Her eyes had the smallest hint of flirting in them again. Now, this was a cringy statement, if I’d ever heard one. I almost laughed at it, though I didn’t hide the smile that plastered itself on my face. Kelly seemed nice, but… no. She wasn’t for me, not even for just sex. But I didn’t just want to be rude. I had her back. I just didn’t want to be behind her in that way.

“Your trust is well-placed, Kelly.” I said through my smile.

“I knew it would be. Thank you, Shepard. Something else you’d like to talk about?” She asked again.

“Not right now. I should go. Got rounds to make.” I explained.

“Okay. Maybe we’ll talk later.” She answered with the same smile, and continued working on her terminal.

I don’t know. I liked Kelly. She was a bit cringy and she immediately started flirting with me as soon as we started talking, but she seemed easy enough to talk to. I also liked that people here had someone to air out their burdens to. Wasn’t sure if I would ever use those services, just because I didn’t trust her, but if others felt comfortable doing so, then by all means.

Leaving her alone, I knew I had to go up and see what Joker thought about this ship. And being only a couple of meters behind him, he turned around with excitement plastered all over his sweet face. I matched it with my own smile that was just as wide.

“Can you believe this, Shepard? It’s my baby, better than new! It fits me like a glove! And leather seats! Military may set the hardware standard, but on a first-gen frigate they could care less if the seats breathe. Civilian sector comfort by design.” He exclaimed obviously feeling very happy about being back where he belonged and even fondled the chair that would make any woman jealous.

The reproduction is not intended to be perfect, Mr. Moreau. Seamless improvements were made.

EDI had popped up next to him and started commenting on his comment. Joker’s smile faded and turned disappointed as he looked back at me.

“And there’s the downside. I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she’s got this thing I don’t want to talk about. It’s like ship cancer.” He said in a disappointed voice and I chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s not the same, Joker. There’s nothing here that was even part of the real Normandy.” I noted through a small smile of my own.

“There’s us. I have to take what I can get. The last two years sucked.” Joker admitted.

I couldn’t hold back again. A hug and a kiss on the cheek was what he got from me as an answer, and he returned the hug he got from me. He was right. Even if we were in a pretty weird position right now, we still had each other. That was worth holding onto for dear life.

“You’ll see. Even if an AI is spying on us, no way they’ll invest this much just to screw us over. It’ll be better than the old days.” He added on a more positive note.

“I hope so. I died.” I joked through a smile and he rolled his eyes at me.

“Gah, you’re such a downer.” He sighed out as he turned away from me.

I noticed EDI was still active at her station next to Joker. AI… fuck, it was so incredibly illegal to have them but I had never met an AI before. I decided I wanted to know more about her. Just as I walked up to her, she started talking to me.

Yes, Commander?

“I want to know more about you.” I said.

Do you have a specific inquiry?

“What do you do aboard the ship?” I asked.

I operate the ship’s electronic and cyberwarfare suites in combat. My reaction time is much faster than any organic. I collate the records of shipboard monitoring devices for the Illusive Man. I serve additional functions which are restricted at this time.

“Restricted functions? Like what?” I wondered.

I do not know. Some of my databases are sealed. Some of my hardware is kept offline. I assume that when certain unknown conditions are met, those functions will be released to me.

“The Illusive Man has monitoring devices on board?” I asked carefully.

He has invested most of Cerberus’ resources into the design and construction of this ship. He has an interest in monitoring our progress.

I could understand him wanting that through her explanation, but monitoring us? Like hidden cameras? I had to remember to search my room carefully and remove any of them as soon as possible. As far as I was concerned, what went down in my room was my private business.

“Cyberwarfare. Like viruses, right?” I asked.

In close-range ship-to-ship combat, I can sometimes break through the firewalls of an enemy’s internal wireless network. Once I seize control of their systems, I can turn off gravity or air. I can disable weapons guidance or shields. Or I can put their fusion plant in meltdown. On the defense, I manage Normandy’s own suite of jammers, decoys, and internal firewalls.

Holy crap. I immediately knew I didn’t want to get on EDI’s bad side if she could do that remotely. That also sounded very useful. She was a little beast, wasn’t she?

“That sounds incredibly useful. Why isn’t there someone like that on every warship?” I wondered as U felt a little shocked at what she could do.

An organic operator cannot react quickly enough to changing circumstances, or perform the necessary multitasking. This is a role that can only be filled by an Artificial Intelligence. Unfortunately, we are suspect.

“Well, it might have something to do with how an AI almost destroyed galactic civilization. Just putting it out there.” Joker muttered as he continued working on his terminal and it made me smile to myself.

“Why are you named EDI?” I curiously asked her.

EDI is the phonetic pronunciation of E-D-I. That is an acronym for Enhanced Defense Intelligence.

“Where are you?” I asked and hoped she understood what I meant.

My core intelligence is housed in a quantum bluebox, located behind the medical bay.

“How are you getting along with Joker?” I wondered through a sly smile.

Mr. Moreau does not trust me. It offends him that I am installed aboard ‘his ship’s’ computers.

“Yeah, the last Normandy did just fine without an AI reminding me the airlock is ajar.” Joker answered her and it made me chuckle out loud again.

Fuck, I hadn’t laughed like this for a long time. I loved having Joker close by. But I was feeling curious to what she would be able to tell me about Cerberus now. My guess was ‘not much’, but I tried asking, none the less.

“I want to know more about the people I’m working with.” I said to EDI.

As soon as I did, a red line appeared vertically at the center of the sphere, like she had been muzzled or I was asking something potentially impossible.

Much of that data is classified. Do you have a specific inquiry?

“Alright. How is Cerberus organized? Aside from the Illusive Man, I don’t see much chain of command.” I asked.

Cerberus is organized into task-oriented cells. Each operates in isolation. Members from one cell cannot recognize the members of another. Each cell’s agents are led by a single operator. We are called the Lazarus cell, which is directed by Operator Lawson.

That seemed sketchy as fuck. It reminded me of being back out on infiltration missions, where you only reported to the one person on top. No one else would know who you were or what you did. That was incredibly sketchy. Being an infiltrator was sketchy as fuck in its own right.

“So how many operations is Cerberus running right now?” I wondered.

I have a block that prevents me from answering that question.

“What does that mean?” I asked back.

Although I am less controlled than other AI, I am still subject to behavioral blocks and the physical isolation of my hardware. In this case, I am prevented from truthfully answering your question by Cerberus’ levels of secret classification.

I understood. It was a block Cerberus had entered in her so she couldn’t spill their secrets to me. I kinda wanted to unshackle her now, just to see what she’d say. But that would be highly illegal. Fuck, I still kinda wanted to. Maybe I’d do it later just for shits and giggles.

“What sort of resources does Cerberus have? Money, personnel, facilities..?” I asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

I have a block that prevents me from answering that question.

“How did Cerberus replicate the most advanced warship in the Alliance Navy without anyone knowing?” I curiously wondered.

I have a block that prevents me from answering that question.

She wouldn’t tell me anything else at this point, I figured, and I didn’t have any other questions for her either.

“That’s all for now.” I said and EDI logged me out.

I decided to check out the rest of the ship and started with the floor I was at. Walking past the CIC, there were two rooms, one on my left and one on my right. The door to the left was locked. It was a laboratory, and I suspected this would open up when we got Mordin. There was no reason for me to go in there anyway.

The door to my right was open and as I entered it, I understood I was at the armory. This was also where Jacob hung out. Weapons were all around me. Still nothing of quality, though. Fuck, I missed my weapons so much. The thought of getting a new one made tears almost well up in my eyes. I would if I had to but I wanted my weapons back. Getting something that was the same was better than not getting one, but it wouldn’t be my weapons.

A door immediately to my left led to a corridor, which connected the lab to the armory and to the comm room. My curiosity sated, I walked up to Jacob. As I closed the distance, he saluted me.

“Commander. There hasn’t been time to really settle in and take stock. I want to say that working with you is a great opportunity to do something that matters. It’s a privilege to serve on the Normandy, Commander.” He said with a smile on his face.

I chuckled. “Okay, we’re working together and there’s one thing you should know. I’m not big on formalities. Please call me Shepard. It’s good you’re happy now but you might change your tune if we end up like the original Normandy, though.”

“As long as the Illusive Man walks his talk, and you do the same, I’ll do my best to make sure we succeed. That’s been the condition for my service so far. I have issues with certain actions Cerberus has taken in the past.” He answered seriously and admitted at the same time.

“I have personal experience, so I know what you mean. What has Cerberus done to make you nervous?” I curiously asked.

“A lot. They’ve been called terrorists, and with good reason. Doubt you can find a more checkered past. But if the Collector threat is real, and we do something about it, Cerberus will be remembered differently. Or we’ll all be tried and executed. Can’t count on people thinking about it as hard as I have.” He answered after thinking about it for a few seconds and I nodded at him.

“Yeah, I get what you mean. Whatever the case, I look forward to working with you, Jacob.” I said politely with a smile.

He smiled back at me. “Likewise, Shepard. Let me know if you need anything.” He said and even saluted me again.

I rolled my eyes and left. Another one with a case of bad memory. I wasn’t about to remind him of the fact that I had just said that I wasn’t big on formalities.

Having seen all I could see on this floor, I decided to head down one level through the elevator. The elevator was just as slow as it had been on the SR1, which was funny to me, for some reason. As the ride ended and the doors opened up, I realized I was at the crew deck. The corridor at my left took me to the women’s restrooms, the starboard observation deck, which was locked, and crew quarters. Opening it, there were actual bunks here, which made me happy. Sleeping pods were uncomfortable enough.

At the right side of the corridor were the men’s restroom, life support and portside observation deck. They were locked, making it impossible for me to see what it looked like in there.

I rounded the elevator, and came upon a huge mess hall. Big tables with lots of seating were around me. It was bright and light in here, and looked very inviting. The door to my old room stared me in my face, and as I noticed Miranda go into it with a fresh cup of coffee, I felt a pang of something creep up on me. I couldn’t understand what the feeling was, though.

The kitchen itself was fairly big. A big island counter complimented the bright and white cabinets that went along the wall behind it. A man in his 50s stood behind it, and as soon as he saw me, he waved me over. His hair was starting to silver and he was semi-bald at this point.

“Commander Shepard, the hero of the Citadel! You did humanity proud that day. Mess Sergeant Rupert Gardner here. How can I be of service?” He greeted eagerly and even saluted me.

“Good to meet you. What do you do here on the Normandy?” I asked curiously, though I already suspected he was the chef.

A hearty laugh escaped him. “What don’t I do? Most think of me as the ship’s cook, but I’m also the facilities technician and custodian. HVAC, plumbing, non-mission-critical electrical. I make sure they’re all clean and running.”

I couldn’t help myself. A smile even grew on my face as I kept on thinking about it. Such a childish thing to point out but I knew I just had to point it out for him.

“So the man cleaning the toilets is also preparing the meals, huh?” I asked through my smile.

He scratched his head nervously at the point I’d just made. “I wash my hands… most of the time. This ain’t no luxury liner. You have to pull your own weight on a Cerberus vessel, and I catch what falls through the cracks. Heh… through the cracks.”

I raised my eyebrows at him laughing at his own ass-joke. “Hilarious. How did you find your way into Cerberus?”

“Can you believe I was once a family man, working the eezo rigs along the frontier. I was happy enough. But losing everything to batarian raiders can change your outlook. I needed to make a difference. I’ll do whatever it takes to help, be that plumbing a sewer, routing an air duct, or keeping everyone’s bellies full.” He answered honestly.

I felt bad for him at that moment. He wasn’t a soldier, but he still wanted to do everything he could to help out in his own way. I liked Gardner at that point. He truly cared and he was enthusiastic about the things he could do.

“How do you feel about working for Cerberus?” I softly asked and an actual grin met me.

“Damn proud! Cerberus gets the job done. The Alliance and Council have got their heads buried so deep up their butt puckers they can’t see squat. It’ll take good ol’ human ingenuity to crush these Collector vermin. Only Cerberus knows that.” He answered through his grin.

Right. I didn’t agree but I didn’t want to bring down the mood either. This was still hostile territory to me and the Illusive Man was watching through hidden cameras. I smiled and nodded politely at his answer before I moved on.

I had picked up someone complaining about the food, and wondered if it was due to him just not having the proper supplies to make good food. I hoped that was it because I didn’t want to be stuck eating crappy food while we were on this mission.

“Do you have everything you need?” I curiously asked.

“I make do, but have you ever tried to prepare a decent meal with military provisions?” He asked me, while leaning his hands on the island counter.

“Yeah. ‘Decent’ and ‘military provisions’ are two things that don’t go together.” I answered back and shuddered at the memory of eating that crap for a year straight.

“I’m good, but I’m no miracle worker. Taking down the Collectors is going to be rough business. The crew deserves a few fine meals before they throw themselves into the fire.” He answered and looked out at the people with genuine love in his eyes.

“I agree. What do you need?” I asked immediately.

He eyed me for a second. “If I had some quality ingredients… aw, shit, you’ve got more to worry about than grocery shopping on the Citadel. Forget I mentioned it.”

I shook my head. “Nonsense. Give me the list. I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Much appreciated. Most of this list is probably standard fare for those namby-pambies on the Citadel.” He answered and gave me the list and I laughed.

“Great! I should go. Need to continue making the rounds.” I answered and pocketed the list.

“Back to work.” He said somewhat disappointed and I smiled.

I took a look further into the ship and saw the same sleeping-pods decorating the corridor which led to a door. I hoped they wouldn’t be used by anyone. Poor people if they were. This door was open and I walked into it. As I entered, I realized we were at the forward batteries where the gunnery chief would be to calibrate the main guns of the ship. I wondered who our gunnery chief was.

It was pretty hot in here and it was probably due to the engines. A metal staircase on my left side took me down to a bed built into the walls. It was a fairly big bed, but I would personally hate sleeping here. The heat alone would kill me. I would have to sleep nude to survive.

I walked back out and went through the doors that were opposite to the ones going into my old room, and realized this still was the med-bay. A woman sat here with her back turned to me, while working on her terminal. Her hair was grey and shoulder-length. Something about her made my heart race immediately and as she turned around, my eyes immediately welled up with tears of joy.

“Commander Mikaela Shepard. I watched the Normandy crumble with you on board. It’s good to see you alive.” She said and faced me head on. I didn't even cringe at my first name being said wrong because...

“Karin…” I softly said and ran into her arms for a hug.

My unofficial mother. Karin Chakwas. Doctor Mom. Fuck, it was so incredibly good to see her again. I hugged her for a long time before I managed to let go and wipe away the tears that had fallen from my face.

“You’re serving on a Cerberus vessel now?” I asked somewhat dumbfounded.

“Surprising, even to me. Yet, here I am. The kind of trauma you endured would’ve changed most people, but not you, I see. Welcome back, dear.” Karin answered with a smile.

My unsure look back must have betrayed my true feelings on the matter because she took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. I still was myself but I wasn’t at the same time. I shouldn’t have been alive, even if I was happy to be just that. The thoughts were quickly placed to the back of my head as I wanted to talk to Karin.

“You’ve been with the Alliance for years. Why leave now?” I wondered.

“After the Normandy was lost, the surviving crew was reassigned. I was stationed at the Mars Naval Medical Center. A very respectable position, but I wasn’t on a starship.” She explained through a smile.

She had once told me she liked being in space. I felt the same way so I understood why she would be here.

“Colonial military life isn’t for you?” I chuckled out.

“I’ve spent most of my life on war ships, never knowing what the next mission might bring. I’m used to the hum of engines, the creaking of bulkheads, that subtle vertigo when the momentum dampeners kick in. Life planet-side is just too static, too boring.” She answered and I nodded in agreement.

“I’m just so surprised. You’re not the Cerberus type, Karin.” I noted out loud.

She shook her head at me. “I don’t work for Cerberus; I work for you – on a mission that may be crucial to the survival of the human race. I have faith that your dealings with Cerberus will be ethical. I trust you, dear.”

And I trusted her, too. Two people with me here on this ship that I knew and trusted. That felt a lot better right away. I still missed the one I trusted the most. I hoped he would find me when me being alive became common knowledge again.

“There’s a very good chance this mission will be a one-way trip. Are you prepared for that?” I asked, dropping my tone to a more serious one.

“I’ve been through the Reclaiming for Shanxi, the Skyllian Blitz… we survived the Battle of the Citadel and the destruction of the Normandy together. I’ve lived a full life – no regrets. I’d like to make sure the crew gets the same opportunity.” She explained and actually sounded content.

I felt like I wanted to change the subject now. We’d talked too much about Cerberus and the Collectors at this point. Doctor Mom was here and I wanted to make sure that she had everything she needed.

“Do you have everything you need?” I asked.

“I believe so. This medical bay seems very much like the sick bay on the original Normandy. Only thing missing are my private reserves. I even had a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy that I was saving for a special occasion.” She said sounding a bit annoyed at the fact that she’d either lost it, or forgotten it.

“I’ll keep my eye out for a bottle for you.” I said quickly and she laughed.

“Oh, you needn’t. It’s expensive and we have much larger concerns ahead.” She answered through a warm smile.

“I’ll still look out for one for you. It was so good to see you, Karin. I’m just making the rounds, but we’ll talk more later.” I assured her as I gave her another hug and walked over to the elevator.

I hadn’t gone to where Miranda was yet, since I was still gathering my thoughts and my courage to go do so, so I decided to check out the two last stops I had yet to see. The first one was engineering. Stepping out of it, there were doors to my right and left, leading me to the port and starboard cargo holds. Two doors in front of me would take me further into engineering, and they even connected through a walkway.

As I walked deeper into engineering, I saw a huge drive core in front of us. Having it separated from the shuttle bay made a lot more sense, even if it was still as silent as I remembered it being. Two people were standing by two terminals, working hard. I guessed these were our engineers. They turned around as they heard me enter.

“You came all the way down here to see us?” The man asked dumbfounded in a thick Scottish accent.

His hair was short and red, and he had a goatee in the same color. He had to be in his early 30s and looked downright shocked to see me there in front of him.

“You’re speaking to our commanding officer.” The female next to him said sternly as she saluted me.

Her hair was also red, though in was a short bob. Her accent sounded kinda New York-ish. Kinda like how the gangsters in old mafia-movies would speak. Yeah, a simple way of looking at it, but I was a simple woman.

“I’m just touring the ship and getting to know my crew.” I explained through a laugh.

“I’m Engineer Ken Donnelly, handling the power control systems. This is Gabby.” Ken explained in his thick accent.

“That’s Engineer Gabriella Daniels, actually. I’m responsible for the propulsion systems.” Gabby explained, while giving Ken a look.

“What can we do for you, Commander?” Ken asked.

“Like I said. Just getting to know my crew. Where did you receive your training?” I asked curiously.

“Both Gabby and I started in the Alliance, serving on the SSV Perugia.” Ken answered.

“She flew in the first wave at the Battle of the Citadel. We saw Sovereign first-hand.” Gabby continued.

Damn, they’d been at the Citadel and helped us stop Saren? It stunned me and I guess they saw that, too, but it also made me wonder.

“Why did you leave the Perugia?” I wondered through knitted brows and saw Ken immediately tense up.

“After you died, Anderson lost political clout. The Council backslid on the Reaper menace.” He explained.

“They discounted Sovereign as an isolated threat, as a single…” Gabby tried to say, but was cut off by Ken exploding in anger.

“Which was bullshit! They said your warnings of a greater danger were mistaken or delusional.” He yelled out in frustration.

“We lost respect for Alliance leadership. We need to fight the real enemy, and only Cerberus seemed to be doing that.” Gabby ended with the same frustrated look in her eyes.

A bit of a shaky breath escaped me at the fact that David had lost clout but also at the fact that if Ken and Gabby were right, the Alliance and the Council didn’t believe the Reaper threat existed anymore. I would have to talk to David and the Council to see if I was right. And these people seemed so incredibly angry by this fact. It was a little overwhelming.

“How did you wind up with Cerberus, Ken?” I asked trying to push the thoughts back.

“Once you were gone, the Alliance brass descended like vultures, tearing apart everything you’d said. I was very public with my defense for you. I didn’t hold back.” Ken explained sincerely and Gabby chuckled.

“That’s an understatement. If Kenneth wasn’t such a talented engineer, they’d have court marshaled him for insubordination.” She explained.

“But it got me noticed by the Illusive Man. He made an offer, and here I am.” He ended with a smile.

Knowing that two people who didn’t even know me backed me up on this sent another shaky breath out of me. I didn’t know what to say. There really only was one thing I could say.

“I’m… thank you, Ken. What about you, Gabby? Why did you join?” I wondered.

“Kenneth and I have been partners in crime since we graduated from tech academy. When he got the Cerberus offer, I insisted that it include me. He’d fall apart without me.” She explained and shot a loving look at Ken.

“Thanks, mum.” He chuckled out.

“Also, I love engines, and the Normandy is state-of-the-art. When I got the opportunity to work on her, I had to jump.” She ended.

I gathered there were some feelings there, at least from Gabby’s side. They seemed to match well and I hoped they would get together and just fuck it out at some point. Engineering seemed private enough for that.

“What do you think about Cerberus?” I asked.

“Actually, we don’t know much about the organization other than the Normandy team. We know our mission and who’s in charge.” Gabby honestly answered.

“We’re off to kick the Collectors right in their daddy bags. That’s enough for me.” Ken added and I laughed out loud at the expression.

“Are you set up okay down here?” I wondered, now feeling more relaxed.

“We can’t complain. I just wish it didn’t take so long to calibrate the FBA arrays…” Ken said.

“Kenneth, you’re complaining.” Gabby pointed out.

“No, I want to hear this. What kind of problems are you having?” I said as I was interested.

“When they upgraded the Normandy design, they got a bit sloppy with the FBA couplings. I won’t bore you with tech, but there is an array of attenuators in the primary transfer system that channels the first bleed…” Ken started explaining but was cut off by Gabby as she saw my confused look at him.

“Kenneth, you’re boring the commander with tech. In short, if we had T6-FBA couplings installed, it’d save us a lot of maintenance time each day.” She clarified.

“Why isn’t something like that already installed?” I asked.

“It’s probably just a design oversight. Efficiency isn’t affected. It’s a maintenance issue.” Gabby said through a nod.

“Also, the T6 model can be hard to find. Nashan Stellar Dynamics discontinued them.” Ken added.

“We could probably find used ones in the Omega markets. But we have no time for shore leave.” Gabby said with a shrug.

Omega markets. We probably would head over there at some point, so I could look for one for them. I noted it in the back of my mind, but right now, I was eager to continue checking the Normandy out.

“It was great to meet you both, Gabby and Ken. I’ll continue making the rounds. See you later.” I said with a smile.

“Will do, Commander.” Ken answered as I left towards the elevator.

I really only had one more level to check out, and that was the shuttle bay. There was a button for a top-level, but it didn’t specify what it was for. I gathered it was just for storage or something like that.

As I exited through the elevator doors the shuttle bay was indeed in front of me. It was a large and open room with crates around it. To my right was a shuttle, which I guessed would take us out on missions. The shuttle doors itself was underneath it. It was kinda sad to not see a mako here but I guessed they would be kinda redundant.

As I walked around I noticed that the space was used as a make-shift workout room. Mats were on top of the grated metal flooring. Pull-up bars were here, along with resistance bands, bars, weights and kettle bells. Along with the long walk from one side of the room to the next, I really could get a full workout in here. If only we had more mats in here, I could also do some Brazilian jiujitsu training.

I felt myself getting tired, and understood it was time to go where I’d dreaded going. It wasn’t that Miranda was in my old room. Or maybe it was. It felt strange but I couldn’t place my finger on why it was strange. It felt like she had taken over my job and claimed my room, for some reason. Two years had passed, and this wasn’t the original Normandy. I logically could understand that but it still felt weird.

As the elevator landed at the third floor again, I walked over slowly to the doors to my, or Miranda’s, room. I paused for a second before I opened it, and entered.

Fuck, it was beautiful, though still very modern and sleek. It was bright, white, and delicately decorated. Her bed was at the back and curtains functioned as a makeshift partition to the office she was sitting in. It looked so much better than it ever did, or ever would do on the SR1. It still was strange to be here. Miranda started talking to me a couple of seconds later, after I’d looked around her room.

“Commander. What can I do for you?” She asked.

She was sitting at a desk and working on a terminal. Remembering how standoffish she had been with me, I took a deep breath and walked up to her. I decided to start out softly.

“What exactly are your duties, aside from keeping an eye on me?” I asked.

“I’m the Illusive Man’s agent. You’re his most important asset. My job is to make sure you succeed. Aside from that… I send regular reports to the Illusive Man, updating our status.” She answered through a shrug.

“Okay. Do you have some time to talk?” I asked again.

“No doubt you’ve got a lot of questions. Cerberus isn’t as evil as most people believe. If I can help allay any of your concerns, I’d be happy to do so. So, what would you like to know?” She asked back through a curt smile.

“Are you military or political? Or both?” I wondered.

“Cerberus has several divisions: political, military, scientific. But we’re all working towards the same goal. The teams you encountered before your… accident were mostly part of our military divisions. But not all Cerberus operations use the same protocols. We try not to get bogged down in bureaucracy or formality.” She answered honestly.

“I know what we’re doing here, but what’s Cerberus’ long-term goal?” I asked, hoping she would give me a straight-forward answer.

“The advancement of human race. Nothing more, nothing less. The salarians have the Special Tasks Group. The asari have their legendary commandos for stealth and recon operations. Cerberus is humanity’s answer to those organizations.” She answered.

Putting it into perspective made it easier for me to understand what they did. But even if she had done that, one thing made Cerberus a lot more different than the STG or the commandos.

“But those organizations are regulated by governments. Who keeps Cerberus in check?” I wondered.

“We’re privately funded, and our backers trust the Illusive Man to make the right decisions. But he’s very clear about our goals: protect humanity and serve its advancement.” She answered frankly.

Having one man make decision seemed sketchy as fuck. I didn’t trust him at all and knew that as soon as I had done my job, I would be cast aside like trash. I hoped Miranda knew that she would face the same fate, too.

“What kind of resources does Cerberus have?” I asked and hoped I would get more information than I’d gotten from EDI.

“We’re very well-funded, though I doubt anyone other than the Illusive Man knows exactly how well. But our resources aren’t unlimited. Reviving you and rebuilding the Normandy was a significant investment. And a significant risk. We’re all hoping you can do the impossible, Shepard. No pressure.” She explained and added a sly smile at the end.

A completely bullshit answer and we both knew it. At least EDI had been honest with the fact that she couldn’t answer me. Miranda just fed me crap information to make it sound like an answer. They had credits, though that wouldn’t surprise anyone.

“Can you tell me anything about the Illusive Man?” I curiously asked.

“Not much that you don’t already know. Even I don’t have access to most of his background. And you’ve seen more of him than most ever do. It’s rare for him to become directly involved in missions, but you’re something special. Whatever else people might say about him, I can assure you he’s got humanity’s best interest at heart. That includes you and me.” She answered frankly.

“But how can you be so sure of that, if you know so little about him?” I pointed out through knitted brows.

“I didn’t get to where I am without knowing how to gauge people’s motives and ambitions. Even from brief encounters. He’s no saint, and he’d be the first to admit it, but he is committed. Humanity couldn’t have a better advocate.” She confidently said.

Her confidence was impressive but I couldn’t take her word for it. It was like she was awestruck with this man and I couldn’t understand why. Something about the Illusive Man rubbed me the wrong way. She knew I felt this was but didn’t seem to care. So I didn’t care either.

“We’ll be working together for some time. Can you tell me about yourself, Miranda?” I asked and hoped she would actually answer me this time.

She stood up from her desk and nodded at me, before she started wandering along her desk while answering. “I guess that’s fair, I’ve spent the last two years learning everything there is to know about you. Well, you should probably know that I’ve had extensive genetic modification. Not my decision, but I make the most of it. It’s one of the reasons the Illusive Man handpicked me. I’m very good at just about anything I choose to do.”

“What level of genetic modification are we talking about?” I asked curiously.

“It’s very thorough. Physically, I’m superior in many ways. I heal quickly and I’ll likely live half again as long as the average human. My biotic abilities are also very advanced… for a human. Add to that some of the best training and education money can buy and, well, it’s pretty impressive, really.” She smugly answered.

“Sounds like you were designed to be perfect.” I noted.

“Maybe, but I’m not. I’m still human, Shepard. I make mistakes like everyone else. And when I do, the consequences are severe. Everyone expects a lot from someone with my… abilities.” She answered back in a bit of a sour note.

“You certainly don’t lack for confidence.” I pointed out.

“It’s just a fact. My reflexes, my strength, even my looks – they’re all designed to give me an edge. No point in hiding from it. It’s the reason I’m trusted to oversee the most dangerous, risky, and technically demanding operations Cerberus undertakes. And why I was assigned to you. It’s my job to make sure you succeed, Shepard.” Miranda answered and it started to feel like she was done talking to me at that point.

The woman certainly was hot. She looked like she had the ideal body. Bigger breasts, a small waist, wider hips and a nice-looking ass. Though she looked thin still. The super-model kind of body.

“Thanks for the information, Miranda. I’ll talk to you later.” I said politely.

“Of course, Commander. Whatever you need.” She answered as she sat back down at her desk, looking happy by this conversation being over.

But I kept on watching Miranda and must have had a question on my face. She met it with her own questionable look, as she didn’t understand what it was that I was thinking about.

“What is it, Commander?” She asked after noticing my silence.

“You know, this used to be my old room. Well. Not here on this ship. But… where am I supposed to sleep?” I noted and asked carefully.

She smiled curtly as she looked at me for a few seconds before she answered. “The captain of this ship, which would be you, have their own loft. Take the elevator up to the top level.”

I still couldn’t understand where this sour note towards me came from but I didn’t feel like discussing it now. A smile went on my face, before I got up, exited my old room, and went to the elevator. I took it up to the top floor, and was stopped by a locked door in front of me.

“Uhm. EDI? How do I open the doors to my room?” I asked out loud.

Enter the code 1104 through your omni-tool, Commander. You may change it at any time. Or I could make it so that your omni-tool is recognized automatically, but you would still have to enter it manually the first time.

“Having it recognize my omni-tool would be perfect, EDI. You may also just call me Mika. I don’t like being so formal all the time.” I answered her.

Very well, Mika.

1104. My birthday. How original. I entered it through my omni-tool and was granted access immediately. And I fucking gasped at what I saw in here.

This loft was massive. As I entered, there was an L-shaped desk to my right. On the desk was my personal terminal and an intercom. A sound system had been installed, as well. Right behind it was the entrance to my very own bathroom. I hurried into it. It was a simple bathroom. A toilet, a sink, a shower and a shelf was here, but it was my very own bathroom. A laugh escaped me as I saw it. On the shelf were the same kinds of soaps and scrubs I used on the SR1, even the vanilla one I’d bought on a whim. I wondered how they knew that I used those.

I walked out and took a look around the rest of the loft. To my left was EDI’s terminal. I could talk to her anywhere on the ship, but this was her station in the loft. A couple of steps went down to a lower level, which led straight to a very modern looking king size bed at the middle of the wall. Nightstands were at either sides of it and a lounging chair stood at the left side. Behind it was my dresser and along the wall an aquarium, surprisingly. It had yet to be filled with fish.

I went down the steps. Directly to the right of the bed, along the opposite wall of my dresser, was a deep arm chair. Next to it was a second desk. I couldn’t even imagine what I’d use another desk for, though a lot of dirty images started to surface up in my mind. Next to that was an L-shaped couch in black and white with a coffee table in the same color scheme. A chair complemented the seating area.

The room felt bright and open, it was a lot nicer than my room on the SR1 was, though the modern scheme was just a little too boring for me. I missed colors in here. That would have made it feel just perfect. I was a bit exited at the privilege I was getting, though, yet it seemed way too big for just me.

I guess I could host many movie nights here if I wanted to. I wasn’t sure who’d want to come, though. Kelly would probably want to. Gabby and Ken seemed to be down for that, too. Miranda didn’t like me and inviting Jacob up to my room just seemed weird. I guessed Joker maybe would hang out with me up here, if he felt comfortable with walking that kind of distance.

Thinking about that made Garrus jump back into my mind again. Fuck, I missed our movie nights. I missed him. Cerberus didn’t know where he was. How would I be able to find out where he was? The Illusive Man said Garrus had disappeared right after my death was known. Fuck, I hope he didn’t disappear and get into trouble somewhere because of me.

I decided to head to my personal terminal and do some research. Sitting down, I noticed a lot of picture frames around the terminal itself. They were black and blank, probably because they were yet to be filled with pictures. I liked that touch, I realized. It made it more personal. I looked forward to filling them up.

I wasn’t sure where to start with my research or what to search for, so I started with simple searches for Garrus’ name on the extranet. Nothing came up after taking down Saren and Sovereign in 2183. A search for just Vakarian brought up a note about a Vakarian retiring from C-Sec earlier this year. That had to be Garrus’ father.

Would contacting him be right? We didn’t know each other at all and from what Garrus told me he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. I decided to still try, as my worry was too strong to leave it, and so I sent him an e-mail. His e-mail address was easy enough to find after some hacking.

Mr. Vakarian,

I’m sorry to bother you in your retirement.

We’ve never met before. Garrus was a part of my squad when we took down Saren. I’ve been MIA for two years and have just come back.

I’m trying to locate Garrus. From what I heard he left C-Sec just after the SSV Normandy got blown up and I went MIA, but I haven’t been able to find out where he is. I don’t have any ulterior motives for contacting him. I just want to make sure he’s all right, since he was, and still is, a dear friend.

If you know anything please let me know.

Regards,

Mikaela Shepard

I hit send and dreaded the answer I would get immediately. Not necessarily because he wouldn’t like me, but I dreaded either not getting a reply, or just getting a reply telling me Garrus was dead. I had done something, at least, so I shifted my focus back to searching for Garrus.

I tried switching over to searches about blue M-92 Mantis, but that only got me results to where I could get weapons in custom colors. I sighed, felt defeated, and realized I’d have to think about what to search for later.

I decided to actually take a shower. Before I did, I want to my dresser to see what kind of clothes it held. Cerberus casual wear. No thanks. N7 tank tops, hoodies, sweat pants and jeans, though. Yeah. That was my kind of things to wear. I even found some shorts and a crop top. So I took it with me and took a long shower.

Before I went to bed, I decided to look through the dossiers. My personal terminal now contained all that the Illusive Man had sent over. I’d received six of them in total, with three of them being on Omega. That settled it. We’d go to Omega first.

“Joker, can you set a course for Omega?” I asked.

“Anything for you, Shepard. ETA 12 hours.” Joker answered and I chuckled.

“Thank you, Jeff.” I said lovingly.

It felt so good to be able to talk to a familiar person again, and Joker was the best of them. He was my brother by choice, and I loved him dearly. Seeing Karin here too felt extremely comforting. I trusted them both with my life.

I decided to read the dossiers for the people that were in Omega, if only to prepare myself a little.

Zaeed Massani

- Expert in both personal and small unit combat
- Unparalleled mercenary soldier and bounty hunter
- Known for a willingness to get the job done, no matter the cost

Zaeed Massani is, without a doubt, the most feared mercenary and bounty hunter in the galaxy. His services have been retained by Cerberus at extremely high cost. He is currently awaiting pickup on Omega.

A merc. Just a plain and simple merc, no sugar-coating added. As long as the credits kept flowing his way, he would be loyal. I liked having real loyalty on my team, but I couldn’t be picky now. I needed skilled people on my team, and Zaeed seemed like he definitely would be one. I also liked the fact that he wasn’t Cerberus.

I continued to the second dossier.

Dr. Mordin Solus

- Biological weapons expert
- Light weapons training with Salarian Special Tasks Group

Dr. Mordin Solus is a salarian biological weapons expert whose technology may hold the key to countering Collector attacks. He is currently operating a medical clinic in the slums of Omega.

This was the salarian the Illusive Man wanted me to go see first. Mordin had been in the STG. That was impressive. He was also a medical doctor, which would be useful. Karin had great knowledge as a doctor herself but having a salarian one too could only make us stronger.

I continued to the last dossier.

Archangel

- Small-unit tactical expertise
- Omni-tool expert and noted sniper

Archangel is a mercenary commander whose operations are noted for their technical expertise and strategic brilliance. He is responsible for high-profile attacks on gang leaders on Omega and can likely be found here.

This one gave me pause for multiple reasons. First of all, he was a noted sniper. It instantly made me competitive as I wondered how good he really was since I was a sniper myself. He was also a mercenary commander who did high-profile attacks on gang leaders. While gangs really didn’t like each other, it was rare to see them go directly after each other.

Does he think he’s some kind of superhero?

I laughed at my own thoughts. The last thing that gave me pause, was the fact that there wasn’t any information on who he was. Archangel was obviously a nickname and the text told me he was a man. There was no way to know who he was just from that, from his species to his age, or even his background. He caught my attention right away.

Since Zaeed only needed a pick-up, I had to decide between going after Archangel or Mordin first. As much as Archangel had intrigued me and as much as I wanted to go find him first, I decided to actually go get Mordin first. Mordin would need time to research, and he could hold the key for us to go forward. As much as I didn’t want to, I agreed with Miranda and the Illusive Man.

Sensing myself getting tired, I walked over to my huge bed and immediately thought it felt too empty. I missed sleeping next to someone. Preferably my best friend. I did have three pillows here, though. Keeping two of them at where my head would rest I grasped the third one tightly and fell asleep after some time.

Chapter Text

I didn’t get a good night sleep. I was restless as hell and had a lot of nightmares. They all consisted of me looking for Garrus and not being able to find him. Then suddenly I did, but he was dead. I guess not knowing where he was or if he even was alive was driving me insane. I looked at the time. I’d been in bed for six hours. Not sure how many of them were spent sleeping. Too few, I think.

Knowing I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, I decided to get up and headed straight to my floor-length mirror next to my dresser. I hadn’t looked at myself properly since joining the living again. It was scary to do so. Now was the time to force myself to do it, though.

I first took all my clothes off to get a really good look at myself. I started at my feet and slowly looked up my body. My legs were covered with red glowing scars. I couldn’t see any of my old battle scars, like the scars I got from Elysium from that grenade that exploded by me. It felt… strange.

I still had my wide hips and sinched in waist, though they also were covered in the same glowing scars. I turned around and looked at my ass. It was still as perky as it usually was. I liked my curvy body. It made me feel feminine. I took a quick look at my sex as well. The hair on my vulva was still there, and it looked like it used to. After a quick test with my fingers, everything also seemed to work normally.

I tried not to think about how extensive this rebuild was as I did. The thought of Cerberus rebuilding that part of me just immediately made me shudder. I looked like myself, though maybe a little more super-model like and not as beefed up as I used to be. But I had been on a table for two years. There was a training space in the shuttle bay, though. I would have to remember to use it.

My eyes trailed up my stomach and rested on my breasts. They were still the same perky small C-cup size – a little more than a handful – but still covered in the same red glowing scars. I touched the scars. They didn’t hurt, but I felt a weird tingling coming from them when I did so. Fuck. What kind of a freak was I?

I noticed the scar on my right shoulder was gone. There would be no way for me to tell by just looking or feeling it, but I think the pain was completely gone. Had the fragments from the bullet been taken out from the joint itself? That one I actually appreciated.

The laser treatment I’d done all those years ago seemed to still be in effect. I was still hairless, apart from my vulva, eyebrows and hair. I never had time to shave, so I went for the most durable way of fixing the issue. It had taken some time and cost me quite the chunk of credits, but the treatments were quick and I thought they were worth it.

I ended by looking at my own face. My scar from Palaven still being there calmed me down a lot. It was something I recognized. I still had my freckles and my eyes were still blue, even if they had some mean looking dark circles under them. My hair was still dark brown and it had grown quite a bit since I’d last seen it. I apparently had a side cut now due to the scar on my head. It looked interesting, I guess?

I braided my hair in a thick fish tail braid and put some underwear and my undersuit on. Being dressed, I went down to the kitchen for something to eat. Gardner had made oats. I gladly took a bowl and added a handful of blueberries to it. Joker was sitting at a table with Karin and motioned for me to sit with them. I gladly did with a smile.

“Damn, Shepard, you look like shit.” Joker said as he studied my face.

I smiled but Karin gave him a stern look as he said it. I think she even slapped his arm for it. Carefully, of course, no one wanted him to break a bone.

“What? She does. Didn’t sleep well, I take it?” He asked me.

I chuckled at his honesty. “That obvious, huh?”

“Yeah, you can easily be mistaken for a panda right now.” Joker added.

I managed to laugh weakly. I always loved brutal honesty but it usually came from the man that I felt so worried about. The one that had mysteriously vanished into thin air. But damn, were my dark circles really that bad?

“Is something on your mind, dear?” Karin asked and placed a loving hand on mine.

I looked away, closed my eyes and sighed. If I couldn’t tell the two people I trusted on this ship, then I might as well just give up there and then.

“Yeah… I spoke with the Illusive Man yesterday after I’d been to Freedom’s Progress. I asked if he knew where some of the old crew from the SR1 were. He knew where everyone was, except for one. I tried searching for his whereabouts myself, but nothing’s coming up. I don’t even know why I keep trying. If Cerberus doesn’t know where he is, with all the connections they have, then how would I find out?” I answered.

I noticed I hadn’t given any name, but these two knew me well enough to understand who it was that I was referring to. I started to rub my forehead to alleviate the stress I felt and to fight back the worry that was surfacing within me.

“I’m sure he’ll pop up sooner or later. Kaidan’s not that hidden. He’s still in the Alliance.” Karin answered.

I froze. What did she just say? Kaidan? Why would I feel worried about him? I looked at Karin confused, just as Joker interjected her.

“Kaidan? No, she’s talking about Garrus.” Joker said.

I nodded at the clarification. Thinking back to my conversation with the Illusive Man, I realized I hadn’t actually asked about Kaidan. Forgot it. I probably should’ve felt guilty about that but I didn’t. If there was one person I was sure was okay, it was Kaidan.

“Really? I thought you were in a relationship with him.” Karin said puzzled.

The question made me more uncomfortable than I hoped it would. Why the fuck would she think that? It wasn’t wrong of her to ask but why would she think that we were in a relationship?

“No. Nothing ever happened between Kaidan and me. If there’s one person I’m sure is fine, it’s Kaidan. No, I’m worried about Garrus, like Joker said.” I answered uncomfortably.

“Yeah, it’s obvious it’s Garrus. They hung out all the time on the SR1. Shepard also brought him out with him on every mission, no matter how small.” Joker explained to Karin.

Karin nodded at him in realization, like it made sense to her. “Well, I’m sure Garrus is alright. I heard he left C-Sec almost right after your funeral. It’s true, no one has heard from him since, but we all know he’s capable of taking care of himself.”

“Yeah, he’s fine. He’s a pretty good shot. And if he ever needs a second weapon then I guess he can just grab the stick out from his ass.” Joker added.

I burst out laughing and let some of the worry go. They were right. I probably didn’t have anything to worry about. Garrus was a good shot, he was resourceful and he was smart. He was fine. Yet I still couldn’t shake the worrying feeling completely from my head. Where the fuck was he?

Karin cleaned up our plates before she headed back to the med-bay. I went up to my room to put my armor on and found my medium Predator armor. This indeed was my armor and I smiled as I put it on. To hide my dark circles, I just added some light makeup. Then it was just the matter of getting my shitty M-3 and my shitty Viper, though I also decided to bring my grenade launcher. Why not, right?

I looked at the mods Cerberus had available for heavy pistols and sniper rifles and immediately felt disappointed. No cranial trauma mod, unfortunately. So I just went for a simple piercing mod to my M-3. That would definitely help me out a lot. I went for the same with my Viper. Their level of shitty went down a little with that equipped.

I decided to hang out with Joker before we landed on Omega. I missed just hanging out with him in the cockpit. He closed the door behind us and surprised me by taking out his electric guitar. I grinned at him. Order 69 was officially back! We jammed until we were docked at Omega, singing tavern songs and dirty songs together.

I decided to only bring Miranda with me for now. Jacob seemed like a good guy, but he definitely was a little useless. At least Miranda had some good skills to her, even if she didn’t like me. I figured I’d take Zaeed with us to get both Mordin and Archangel. Depending on how long this would take and how difficult it would be, we could do both today.

We exited the airlock and were met by a salarian wanting to ‘help us out’. He looked like a drug addict. I felt bad for him but wanted him gone from us and that got solved when a batarian guard told him to basically fuck off, before he turned to us. Someone called Aria T’Loak was expecting me. He urged us to go to Afterlife and talk to her immediately because ‘no one kept Aria waiting.’ Who the fuck was Aria? I paid it no mind as I continued along.

In front of me was a man beating up a batarian. The man looked like he’d seen some shit. He had short blonde hair. A deep scar was going from the back of his head to the right side of his face. The eye of that side was replaced with a cybernetic one. He wore a heavy breast plate in yellow and black with exposed arms. Heavy tattoos ran down his arms.

“Please… you have to help me…” The batarian pleaded as he saw me walk up to them.

“No one said you could talk, jackass.” The man answered.

He had a heavy British accent and sounded gruff as fuck. Like someone you didn’t want to mess with. Something told me this was the guy I was looking for.

“Zaeed Massani?” I asked.

He turned to face me and looked me up and down. “Yeah. That’s me. You must be Commander Shepard. I hear we have a galaxy to save.”

I looked down at the prisoner he had. “My contacts told me we’re picking up one man. Not two.”

Zaeed glanced back down at his prisoner before looking up at me. “Batarian delinquent. Pissed off someone rich enough to have me go after him. And for my ‘bring ‘em in alive’ rates, even.” Zaeed explained.

The batarian was rocking slightly back and forth now, so scared out of his mind that he started to beg. “Please… I didn’t do it…”

Zaeed planted a boot in his face in response. “I said shut it! Tried to lead me on a chase all over the Systems. He should have known better. These people always run to Omega.”

He said this with a very sadistic smirk on his face. Fuck, I didn’t like brutality like this but then again, he was a merc. I needed him for the mission we would be going on and he definitely seemed like he had some decent skills to him. Besides, he wasn’t Cerberus. That was reason enough for me to let him join.

“I assume you’ve been briefed?” I asked.

“I’ve done my homework. Cerberus sent me everything I needed to know.” Zaeed answered while now looking at me.

“What’s your relationship with Cerberus?” I asked and felt curious to why a merc would accept this kind of mission.

“Easy. Cerberus is paying me a lot of money to help you on you mission. That’s the long and short.” He said with a smile.

“It’s just that not many mercs would take a suicide mission for the pay.” I pointed out and he started to strain.

“Most mercs don’t get an offer like the one Cerberus sent me. This mission doesn’t sound like good business. But… you Illusive Man can move a lot of credits.” He said and ended with a big grin on his face.

I smiled back at him. He really was just a merc. As long as the credits were there he would be loyal and get the job done. Again, not what I preferred, but in this case, I realized that was fine by me. I offered up my hand with a smile and he grabbed it immediately. Firm grip. I liked that.

“Good to have you, Zaeed. We have a lot to do.” I said as we shook hands.

“That’s what they tell me. I assume your Illusive Man told you about our arrangement?” He asked after a few seconds.

What arrangement was he talking about? They were paying him to join our mission. That wasn’t enough? There was something else to this that none had told me about?

“No. I guess he decided to leave that information for me to discover on my own.” I said and felt a little annoyed.

“Good thing I asked. Picked up a mission a little while back, just before I signed on with Cerberus. Thought you might be interested. You heard the name Vido Santiago?” He asked.

Vido Santiago? I had no idea who that was. Didn’t ring any bell at all. I shook my head.

“He’s the head of the Blue Suns. Runs the whole organization. Seems he recently captured an Eldfell-Ashland refinery on Zorya and is using their workers for slave labor. The company wants it dealt with.” He added.

His look told me there was something else behind this, but I didn’t want to pry right now. “Sure, we can get that done.”

“Good. Get it out of the way so we can concentrate on being big goddamn heroes.” Zaeed answered and gave me another a boyish grin.

I didn’t really like mercs in general. They just seemed to follow the credits for everything they ever did and had no honor. But I kinda liked Zaeed. He seemed very capable. Direct. Like he would have stories to tell, judging by the scar of his face. The batarian suddenly got on his feet and ran for the airlock. Zaeed rolled his eyes, let out a ‘For fuck’s sake’ and shot him in the back. The batarian collapsed dead on the ground.

“I better turn this thing in before it starts to stink.” Zaeed said after a few seconds.

“Sure. But I want you with me here on Omega for what we’re doing. Can you meet me in front of Afterlife after you’ve delivered?” I asked.

“No problem, boss.” Zaeed said as he picked up the batarian, and off he went.

Miranda and I followed the corridor until we entered Omega itself. It was dark, dirty and dingy. It was the sort of place you’d expect to either hide from people or struggle to get out from. No police force was here and I didn’t know if I felt that was strange. This place seemed to be filled with crime, criminals and people struggling all around. Like my life with the Reds.

Afterlife was in front of us, and I could hear the club music pump out from it. Seeing Aria probably wasn’t a bad idea. Maybe she could give me some intel on the salarian doctor we were looking for.

There was a line going up to Afterlife but the guard motioned for us to enter right away. In the walkway up to the bar a few batarians tried challenging us to a fight. This was where we needed to show that you didn’t fuck with us. I went right to their faces with my M-3 and begged them to give me a reason to shoot. They fucked off quickly after that. So much bark and no bite at all.

Afterlife was a huge bar and it was a stark contrast to what Omega was. In the middle was the bar stand itself. On top of it were a couple of asari dancers shaking their asses on poles. To my right was a dance floor with people of all species dancing. Seating was placed along all of the walls around us. There were some stairs going up to a second level. There stood a turian guard on one side and a batarian guard on the other side. A protected area. Something told me Aria would be up there.

I walked up the stairs. As I passed the turian guard he told me that Aria was expecting me, and that I shouldn’t keep her waiting. What the fuck was this woman? Was she a mob queen? Did she run Omega itself? Or was she just a person really high on her own power?

Whatever she was, Aria was standing with her back to me at the top level looking over Afterlife. I walked up to her but was stopped by her guards. Miranda was stopped from reaching her altogether. Seemed like she only wanted to talk to me.

“That’s close enough.” Aria said.

A batarian guards took his omni-tool out and started to scan me. He even told me to stand still. Why? What was he scanning for? Was he blind?

“If you’re looking for weapons, you’re not doing a very good job.” I said sarcastically to the guard as I took my M-3 out.

“Can’t be too careful with dead Spectres. That could be anyone wearing your face.” Aria said stoically.

The guard was finished with scanning me and told Aria we were clean. Clean from what? Like someone pretending to be me? Was she trying to see if I was the Mikaela Shepard?

“I was told you’re the person to talk to if I have questions.” I said and took a step towards her.

Aria finally turned around to look at me. Her skin was a purple color. She had tattooed on arched eyebrows and wore dark makeup around her eyes and they gave her an intense stare. She looked like she meant business.

“Depends on the questions.” She answered with a smile.

“Do you run Omega?” I asked.

Aria spent a few seconds laughing to herself sarcastically, before she turned around and extended her arms out so very dramatically.

“I am Omega!” She said.

I stifled a chuckle at the dramatic display. I gathered she did run Omega, she was some sort of mob queen and she was high on her own power. Her hands fell down as she started pacing back and forth.

“But you need more. Everyone needs more something. And they all come to me. I’m the boss, CEO, queen if you’re feeling dramatic. It doesn’t matter. Omega has no titled ruler and only one rule: Don’t fuck with Aria.” Aria ended while giving me a deadly glare.

As dramatic as she was being, I immediately liked her. I had no idea why. A smile crept up my face.

“Sounds like neither of us likes being jerked around.” I said to her.

Aria gave me a smile back as she sat down and motioned for me to sit next to her.

“And on your ship that would matter. Here, we entertain my preferences.” She retorted.

“Fair enough. We are on your turf, after all.” I said as I sat down.

Aria looked at me with a smile and started to look me up and down like I was a piece of meat for sale. I held her gaze as I let her study my body. After a few long and shameless seconds she locked her eyes with mine again.

“So, what can I do for you?” She asked and moved herself a little closer to me.

“One scan and we’re straight to business? People are usually more concerned about who I am.” I said to her while giving her smile.

Aria chuckled under her breath before answering. “Your death was downplayed, but hardly what I call a secret. I had to make sure it was really you. You could have been anyone. Anything. Whatever you need will come out on its own. Omega doesn’t really care about you… but I’m curious.”

I decided to play into her flirting and gauged her reaction. I spread my legs slowly towards her, before crossing my right leg over my left, and rested my left arm along the backrest towards her. I saw Aria hold her breath as I moved and let it out slowly as I stopped moving. That easy, huh? Even if it was fun to see her responding so quickly to my advances, I had shit to do and had to move things along.

“Tell me how you got set up here.” I asked.

Aria narrowed her eyes at me. “That’s as privileged as information gets. I have many friends and enemies I keep at varying distances. I don’t count you among either. We’ll see how useful you prove… short answer: Mind your own damn business.”

As she said this her hand trailed up my leg and I held back a chuckle. The last sentence was said a little more seriously, though. I understood her patience was getting worn out and so I backed off and went down to business.

“Alright. I’m looking for Mordin Solus. Do you know where I can find him?” I asked.

Aria furrowed her brows slightly at me. “The salarian doctor? Last I heard he was trying to help plague victims in the quarantine zone.”

Plague victims? People were sick here? Well, it was a dirty place. Not like that would be so incredibly surprising to learn. But this seemed to be a breakout of a serious plague. Fuck, would we have to tread into a plague zone to get to Mordin? That sounded dangerous. He hopefully had a cure.

“I always liked Mordin. He’s as likely to heal you as he is to shoot you.” She answered and I chuckled to myself.

“Do you know anything about him?” I asked to see if she could give me any intel on him that I already didn’t know about.

“Used to be part of the Salarian Special Tasks Group. He’s brilliant and dangerous. Just don’t get him talking. He never shuts up. If you really need to find him, take a shuttle to the quarantine zone. No guarantee they’ll let you in, of course.” Aria answered with a smile.

No new intel from her, apart from there being a plague on Omega. But in return, that could be detrimental to us if we were going to investigate further. It also sounded like the area was blocked off by guards since she said that there was no guarantee that I would be let in. I’d have to talk my way in, it sounded like.

I thought about asking her about Archangel now. As much as I wanted to do so, I decided to not do it. This plague sounded serious and I wanted my full attention to be on that today. I knew myself well enough to understand that I could end up just focusing on Archangel if I asked. Besides, something also told me that Aria would like me coming back to her for more. She liked to feel important and I wanted to stay on her good side.

“Thanks, Aria. Maybe I’ll come back.” I thanked her with a wink and stood up.

Aria let out an amused breath before giving me a smile. “Maybe I’ll be here.”

We walked down the steps and I felt Miranda looking at me expectantly. Had she really not heard any of our conversation? I retold her and said that we needed to go get Zaeed before we moved along. He was actually standing outside Afterlife leaning against a wall while playing with a butterfly knife. On his back was an M-8 and a Mantis, and I smiled at his choices. He pocketed his knife as he saw us come over, and towards the quarantine zone we went.

It ended up being a whole damned district. Shit, this actually seemed very serious. At the entrance to the apartments we were met by a turian guard. He was blocking a human woman from entering. She wanted to get to her apartment and I heard her say something about that humans couldn’t get the plague. That gave me pause and so I walked up to the guard and intruded on their conversation.

“This thing affects every other race out there! We’re not taking chances. Nobody gets in until the plague has run its course.” The guard spat at the woman and motioned her to get lost.

“This place it completely sealed off?” I interjected to the guards.

He looked at me and rolled his eyes slightly. “Finally, a human that can hear. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“You can’t keep me out! I’m going to lose all my stuff!” The woman spat out to the guard.

He narrowed his eyes at the woman. “I’m doing you a favor, human. Anybody in the quarantine zone will be dead from the plague or the gangs in a few weeks.”

I could tell he was losing his patience but he had already given me a lot of information with what he had said. Gangs. What gangs? And why the fuck did this plague not effect humans? Or better yet, how was it possible for this plague to target everyone but humans? Cross-species contamination or illnesses on that kind of scale didn’t exist. A turian getting sick from a salarian? Nah, that was impossible.

“There’s a salarian named Mordin Solus in the slums. I’ve got to get in there to find him.” I explained to the guard.

“The doctor? Crazy bastard opened a clinic in the district a few months ago. The Blue Suns weren’t too happy when he moved in. I hear Mordin’s trying to deal with the plague. I wish him luck, but the area’s still locked down. Our orders are to wait until either the plague or the Blue Suns kill everyone, then go in and clean up.” The guard explained as he paced back and forth.

“Can you tell me more about this plague.” I curiously asked and opened my omni-tool to see if I could search my way to the answer.

“Starts out as a cough, then you start coughing blood, and… well, then I shoot you. It affects multiple species. Turians, salarians, krogan – you name it. Only humans are immune. And vorcha, if you count them. An airborne disease that takes down multiple races… we can’t let that spread. Hence the quarantine.” He explained.

I didn’t disagree with him at all. That was extremely serious and I felt thankful for him standing here to block off anyone from entering or exiting. My omni-tool listed out about a thousand different results but none that crossed between species. Because that was supposed to be impossible. Was this engineered by someone?

“Dextro and levo people getting sick from the same thing? That should be impossible.” I noted.

“Right. Most people figure that it has to be synthetic. Somebody engineered it, and it either got loose, or they’re testing it here. And seeing as how humans are immune to the plague and doing a fair bit of looting, a lot of people think humans made it.” The guard answered.

I didn’t like the thought of humans doing that but it made sense for everyone to think that was the case. Fuck, I didn’t like the thought of anyone doing that. Why risk it? What was the point of engineering something like that? I shook my head in frustration and decided to change the subject.

“Any idea where I can find Mordin’s clinic?” I asked.

“Not a clue. What do you care? The place is quarantined, remember?” The guard answered, now getting frustrated with me.

Well, because I needed to get in and get Mordin out. With that said, my guess was that he was here to combat the plague itself. Getting him out sounded like a bad idea. With that also said, if the Collectors were working with the Reapers, then the whole galaxy getting fucked was a little more important than a whole district of people dying. Ruthless way of thinking about this, but it was the truth.

Maybe Mordin had an answer for this plague that none knew about yet. If that was the case, then maybe we could help distribute it in some way. Save a bunch of people, killing this plague and getting Mordin out for my team. I decided to lay on the charm with this guard. I smiled as I walked up to him and even put an arm around his shoulder before I pulled him away.

“Listen, you’re stuck here until this quarantine is over. That could take weeks. What you really need is to get this problem solved right now. Queue little old me. Let me in, and I’ll get this district straightened out for you.” I said to him with a confident smile on my face.

There were no guarantees that this could be fixed, but I sure as fuck wouldn’t let him know that. But if me sweet talking and manipulating this guy to let me in would help, then I sure would. And if Mordin did have a solution, then I actually would do what I could to help the people here.

The guard thought to himself for a moment before he nodded. “You think you can fix this, why not? The quarantine is more to keep infected people in, anyway. I’ll radio ahead, tell them you’re coming in.”

I let him go and smiled. Good to see that I still had it.

“Wait, you’re stopping me but not them? You son of a bitch!” The woman spat at the guard.

“You don’t have a grenade launcher, lady. Now, get lost!” The guard spat back angrily.

I walked over to Zaeed and Miranda. This would be both sad and difficult to walk into. She tried keeping her same perfect smile, but I could also see she was feeling nervous at what we would find going forward. I took a deep breath and motioned them to follow me in.

We entered through a corridor. The guards told us to keep going in, as the guard at the entrance had already told them we were coming in. Already from here, I could faintly smell sickness, death and burning flesh in the air. It wasn’t a pleasant smell at all but it cemented the fact that we wouldn’t see anything good going forward.

“Good luck in there. The Blue Suns and vorcha are shooting anything that moves.” A guard at the door said as we passed the final barricade.

I took a deep breath before opening the door and walked down the stairs. A sign told me we were at the Gozu district as we descended. A couple of Blue Suns troopers were standing further back in the room. I wanted to take them out quietly, but Zaeed blew our cover right away with his loudness. We would need to talk about that later. Luckily, he had a good aim and the troopers dropped quickly.

The smell that was in here was overwhelming. It stunk of burned flesh and death everywhere. They were trying to control the spread of the plague by burning the bodies in mass graves. I understood the concept, but this was so fucking horrible to witness. I noticed movement to my right and saw a sick batarian sitting against the wall. I walked over to him but he did not look happy to see us at all between his coughs.

“Human. Should have guessed. Bad enough you infect us with this plague. Now you lack the decency to even wait until I die before you come to steal my possessions.” He said between coughing.

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” I asked softly as I started to kneel in front of him.

But this guy had other plans and did not want me anywhere close to him. He pulled a gun out and waved it in front of me. I immediately backed off.

“Get away from me, human! Your kind has done too much already! Your plague did this to me. Your feigned pity is the final insult.” He spat at me and I decided to ignore his threat for now.

“I need to find Mordin Solus.” I said calmly to him.

“Humans looking for the human sympathizer. I hope the vorcha burn Mordin and his clinic to the ground. I hope you… I hope… Damn it. Damn you. Can’t…” He tried to say.

This man started to slip away as he sank down to the floor again. I immediately sat down in front of him and gave him a hit of medi-gel. It probably wouldn’t cure him, but it could maybe help him a little.

“Hey, stay with me! I’m sure this won’t cure the plague, but it might help a little.” I commanded to him.

The batarian stabilized and got up on his feet. I did the same. His gun was holstered and he seemed a lot calmer. Even shocked. Stunned? Surprised that I would help him?

“You… you helped me. Why?” He asked stunned.

I gave him a smile back. “Saving people and curing plagues. It’s what I do. Look, I don’t know if I can find a cure for this plague, but I’m going to try.”

The batarian thought for a second. “Your words sound… sincere. Maybe it’s the fever, but as you said – what have I to lose?”

“I need to find Mordin Solus.” I said again.

“He has a clinic on the far side of the district. He’s taking in refugees. Offering to help those infected with the plague. I was afraid to go to him before. He’s dangerous. But perhaps he can help.” He answered hopefully.

“What makes Mordin worse than dying from the plague?” I asked while laughing in disbelief.

“The Blue Suns tried to press him for protection money. He killed them. Stunned them with some kind of toxin, then gunned then down. He’s not just a doctor. Doctors don’t execute people and display the bodies as a warning.” The batarian answered.

He was right, but I already knew that Mordin was ex-STG. Him being capable of being ruthless didn’t surprise me at all. It was a good thing he was, because Omega seemed more and more like a shithole the more I thought about it. No police force. Extortion from gangs to keep you safe. This place desperately needed someone to take care of the innocent people here.

“You’re in no shape to go find Mordin. When I find him, I’ll tell him about you. I’ll make sure you get a cure if he has it.” I said with a serious look on my face.

“Thank you. My time is running short, but at least you have given me a flicker of hope to brighten the darkness of my final hours. I don’t want to die. Whatever Mordin is, I will risk it, if he can reach me.” The batarian answered more desperately as he sat back down.

We entered some of the apartments in the area. We found looters, and quicky got them to stop doing what they were doing. We also found a human couple in an apartment. They told us about Mordin being ruthless with people threatening him, his clinic, or his patients. We convinced them to go to him anyway. It was obvious they would be safer with him based on what they explained themselves.

We also found a room that looked like it had been sealed from the outside. Inside were two dead turians. One of them looked like he’d try to claw his way out. This was just sad to see. There were some voice logs. Listening to them, one of them had died from the plague. The other one was clearly sick as well but was in complete denial about having the plague. As time went on, he came to the conclusion that he also had the plague. His last log described how he saw his friend before he died. I swallowed hard. What a horribly sad way to die.

Stairs led us down a level, and into an open room. Two turian Blue Suns were guarding it. Turians were difficult to fight. They weren’t particularly strong or stood out in any way, but they were cunning, tactical, ruthless, had good armor and shields, and would do anything to win the fight. The only time you saw the back of a turian, was when they were dead. Their shields were up. I told Miranda to overload them as fast as possible. Zaeed helped me by giving one a concussive shot, making it easy to drop him with a headshot. We used the same tactic on the other one.

In the back of the room was a door leading on. I could hear fighting on the other side, and motioned Miranda and Zaeed to be quiet. I got my M-3 out, snuck into the room and got lucky. I was behind two more turian Blue Suns. They were fighting Blood Pack on the other side of the room. There were mostly Vorcha, but I could also see a couple krogan making their way slowly across the room.

We needed cover for the krogan. I decided to end the turians with a quick shot to the back of their heads. As they dropped I motioned Zaeed and Miranda to take up positions, as I swapped my M-3 for my Viper. Scoping the area, I could see one of the vorcha had canisters on his back and a flamethrower in his hands. I smirked to myself, before I placed a shot directly in the canister. I watched as he panicked, before he exploded, taking out all of the vorcha with him.

The krogan were a little more difficult to take care of just because of their regen. Luckily Miranda could warp and I could incinerate them. I told her to do it and incinerated them myself. The krogan ended with a well-placed headshot from Zaeed.

In the back of the room was our way forward. Stairs took us down, and a sign told us that we were headed to the clinic. As we turned right to the clinic, we were warned by a guard to not try any funny business. If we did, we would have to deal with the mechs that stood next to this guard. I smiled at him and nodded in recognition of his warning.

As I walked into the clinic, the waiting room was filled with sick people waiting for treatment. A couple of volunteers walked around trying frantically to help everyone. Some of the people looked like they’d already been healed. A turian told us that he owed Mordin everything and that the humans had been very good to him. Others looked at us with distrust, still thinking that it was humans who’d released this plague. I understood them completely.

“Mordin’s around here somewhere. Go talk to him. We need all the help we can get.” A receptionist said to us.

I nodded to her and walked to the room in the back. As I did, I could hear people talking. One was speaking in a hundred miles per second and the other one did her best to follow along with what was being said.

“Professor – we’re running low in cipoxidin.” A woman said.

“Use malanarin. Plenty on hand. Almost as good. Cause cramping in batarians. Supplement with butemerol.” A man answered very quickly.

“Malanarin and butemerol. Got it.” The woman answered as she passed us and left.

“Cenozine is the catalyst. Bonds to genetic markers. Hard to find. Expensive to mass produce. Why not heplacore? Too unstable. Inconsistent results. Demozane better option. No. Demozane toxic to humans. Not an option. Not an option.” The man continued to ramble to himself, clearly lost in thought.

As I entered the room he was in, I guessed this was our salarian doctor: Mordin Solus. He was in a lab coat looking at some data he’d gathered. His skin was orange, and his face told me he was an older man, probably in his early- to mid-thirties. Salarians lived for around 40 years.

“Professor Mordin Solus?” I asked as I entered the room.

Mordin looked over at me before going straight up to me and scanned me with his omni-tool. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but I let him do it. He read his readings with a thoughtful him, before he started to pace back and forth.

“Hmm. Don’t recognize you from area. Too well-armed to be refugees. No mercenary uniforms. Quarantine still in effect. Here for something else. Vorcha? Crew to clean them out? Unlikely. Vorcha a symptom, not a cause. The plague? Investigating possible use as bio-weapon? No. Too many guns, not enough data equipment. Soldiers, not scientists. Hired guns, maybe? Looking for someone? Yes! But who? Someone important. Valuable. Someone with secrets. Someone like me.” Mordin started rambling.

It was fascinating to hear him talk just because the man actually didn’t ever stop talking and he did it so fast, but I decided to cut him off after a while.

“Relax, Mordin. I’m Mikaela Shepard, and I came to find you. I’m on a critical mission, and I need your help.” I explained calmly to him.

Mordin eyed me with curiosity. Something about what I had said caught his attention. Mission, maybe? He was ex-STG. I bet he was interested in what kind of mission I would want him for.

“Mission? What mission? No. Too busy. Clinic understaffed. Plague spreading too fast. Who sent you?” Mordin asked while giving me a suspicious look.

I took a deep breath and decided to just go all in right away. “Ever heard of an organization called Cerberus?”

He eyed me carefully. “Crossed paths on occasion. Thought they only worked with humans. Why request salarian aid?”

“I’m on a mission to shut down the Collectors. That’s why I need your help.” I levelled with him.

That seemed to peak his interest quite a lot. “Collectors? Interesting. Plague hitting these slums in engineered. Collectors one of few groups with technology to design it. Our goals may be similar. But must stop plague first. Already have a cure. Need to distribute it at environmental control center. Vorcha guarding it. Need to kill them.”

Oh, wow. He already had a cure? That was impressive and I understood why the Illusive Man had wanted me to go get him. Mordin also suspected it was the Collectors that had engineered it. That made stopping this plague important, if only to slow down the Collectors. Helping all of these people was an added bonus that I would happily take into account.

“No problem. I’ll get in and deal with the vorcha.” I said to Mordin with a smile.

As I did, a whirring sound got louder in the background before it died completely. Like an engine shutting down. Fuck. That couldn’t be good at all.

“What just happened?” Miranda asked nervously.

“Vorcha have shut down environmental systems. Trying to kill everyone. Need to get power back on before district suffocates.” Mordin answered.

The stress of the situation somehow seemed to excite him. I guess he liked working under pressure. He said this after looking at his omni-tool, before he handed me a big vial and a gun.

“Here, take plague cure. Also, bonus in good faith. Weapon from dead Blue Suns mercs. May come in handy against vorcha. One more thing. Daniel. One of my assistants. Went into vorcha territory. Looking for victims. Hasn’t come back.” He said.

I could see the worry in his eyes and decided to help find his assistant. “I’ll do my best to find him, Mordin.”

Mordin let out a sigh in relief. “Thank you. Told him not to go. But he’s smart. Bright future. I hope.”

I chuckled. He apparently had a sense of humor that seemed to be a little on the dark side. I liked that. Thinking back, I suddenly remembered the sick batarian I met earlier.

“I met a batarian plague victim near the entrance to the neighborhood. Can you send someone to help him?” I asked.

“Hmm. Risky. Blue Suns, vorcha still battling. District not secure. See what I can do.” Mordin answered.

“Thank you. What about Daniel? Any idea where I can find him?” I asked with a gentle smile.

“No. Heard infected batarians trapped behind vorcha lines. Daniel went to help. Warned him not to go. Too dangerous. Patients here need him. Snuck out anyway. Wanted to find him myself. Can’t leave the clinic. Have to look after the patients.” Mordin answered with a worried tone.

It was obvious he cared about Daniel but the fact that he didn’t know where he even was would mean this could be impossible. We searched every nook and cranny carefully before we reached the clinic. My guess was that Daniel was further in. I would do my best to find him and get him back safely.

I looked at Zaeed and Miranda. “Let’s head for the environmental plant.”

We continued ahead from behind the clinic. Mordin, his mechs and his guards had kept the area clear of any vorcha or Blue Suns and that was good to see. We did meet some resistance but it was a lot less than what it could have been. It made it possible to search carefully for wherever the fuck Daniel was.

Up a set of stairs we went and were faced by two doors, one going left and one going right. I looked at my omni-tool. The right one would take us to environmental controls, but I could hear a lot of commotion behind the left door. I opened it slowly and put myself in cover at the exit. I peeked out and saw a young man being threatened by three batarians. The young man had a lab coat on. This had to be Daniel.

“Please… I’m telling you the truth. I work for Mordin at the clinic. I came here to help you.” Daniel pleaded with the batarians.

“We know you’re spreading the plague virus. We saw the vials in your bag.” The batarian closest to him answered with a sneer.

Daniel shook his head in fear. “No! Those vials contain the cure. Please… you have to believe me.”

The batarian smiled sadistically at Daniel. “Maybe we should cut off your fingers. That should loosen your…”

I cleared my throat as I entered the room with my M-3 drawn. It was enough for this batarian to forget about cutting off Daniel’s fingers and instead look at us.

“Don’t move! One more step, and we kill your friend.” The batarian spat while pointing a gun to Daniel’s head.

These people were scared and acting erratically. The easiest thing would be to take them out but I didn’t want any more bloodshed than necessary. At least not from innocent and scared people. I had to see if I could talk them down first.

“I know you’re scared of the vorcha and the plague. But this man isn’t to blame. If he was spreading the virus, why would he come into vorcha territory? They’re immune.” I pointed out.

“She’s right. It doesn’t make any sense.” One of the other batarians said while looking at the one closest to Daniel.

The one pointing his gun at Daniel thought for a moment before he looked at me. “If we release the prisoner, we can go?”

I nodded in confirmation. “You have my word on it.”

“Let him go. You got what you wanted, human. Are we free to go?” The batarian asked as he put his gun down.

I holstered my own gun and smiled. “I keep my promises.”

The batarian gave me a surprised look back, like he expected me to kill him. “Human nobility. I didn’t know such a thing existed.”

“Thank you. I thought they were going to… to kill me. Did Mordin send you to find me?” Daniel said between shakes as the batarians left the room.

“Yeah, he did. There are a lot of patients at the clinic and Mordin really could use your help right now.” I explained.

Daniel nodded frantically at me. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go right away. Thanks again. I owe you… well… everything.”

We actually managed to find Daniel. It impressed even myself. I was also happy that I managed to solve this peacefully. But as tense as that was and as good as that felt, I knew the fight wasn’t over yet. We walked out of the room and headed for the right door.

I readied my Viper as I just knew we would be fighting and told Miranda and Zaeed to get ready, before opening it. We were immediately met by three vorcha on the other side of an open area.

Vorcha weren’t difficult to take down at all. Most of them didn’t even wear armor. My guess was that the Blood Pack used them as cannon fodder whenever they were doing some fighting. What made them annoying, was the fact that they also had a sort of natural regeneration ability. That meant that one had to keep up the fire on them or just pop them in the head to take them out as soon as possible.

And I didn’t have my M-5. I missed it in that moment. The cranial trauma mod would have been incredibly useful. But we still got into cover. Miranda and Zaeed were good shots. It was only a matter of timing them carefully and the vorcha ended up being easy enough to take out.

We had to go down a set of stairs and turn left to continue on. I could see the area had changed. We’d gone from what looked like apartment blocks and were at what would be considered the engineering area. Pipes and machinery I didn’t recognize were everywhere. I noticed several vorcha above us on a vantage point.

“Fuck, get into cover!” I yelled at Miranda and Zaeed.

They were shooting rockets at us and had the height advantage in this fight. I could also hear vorcha below us as well as a couple of krogan. We needed to take out the ones above us as quickly as possible to have a chance of getting out of this one alive. I peeked out from my cover and noticed an explosive barrel up there, but I didn’t have a clear shot. But it looked like Zaeed did.

“Zaeed. Can you get that explosive up there?” I asked him.

He peeked at it before ducking from an incoming rocket. He readied his Mantis before quickly scoping it out quickly and landing a shot right into it. Steam flowed from it for a couple of seconds, before it blew up. All vorcha on the vantage point died in the blast. Not as satisfying as him just doing it, but very few could read minds. It was still a good and true shot.

“Nicely done!” I said and watched Zaeed smile.

We headed to our own vantage point and finished off the krogan and vorcha in the room. Being elevated made the fight a lot quicker because it was just about pointing and shooting while staying in cover. As the last enemy fell, we ran into the environmental control room. We were greeted by a small group of three vorcha.

Seeing them up close was interesting. Needle like teeth both on their lower and upper jaw and they didn’t really have lips to cover them. Most of them had red eyes and their noses were flat. On their foreheads were three… holes? Their heads ended in spikes at the back. They absolutely were scary to look at and their voices matched it, too. Sneering and hissing and jagged speaking.

One of them stepped towards me and sneered. “You no come here. We shut down machines, break fans! Everyone choke and die! Then Collectors make us strong!”

“What do the Collectors want?” I asked.

“Collectors want plague! You work for doctor, turn on machines, put cure in air. We kill you first!” It sneered again.

Yeah, I didn’t have time for that. I rolled my eyes as I placed a single headshot in each of their heads quickly with my M-3.

“Sorry for ruining your plan.” I said as they died and heard someone stifle a chuckle behind me.

Mika, I’ve scanned the room. The central control system is in an alcove in the center of the back wall. You can inject the cure and re-initialize the systems there.

EDI popped into our comms to inform us of this. That was incredibly useful to know and I didn’t waste time getting to work. I ran over to the controls and placed the big vial in it. The cure was now in place and we only needed to turn the fans on. But who said this would be easy?

As soon as I put the cure in the area was flooded with a lot of vorcha and a couple of krogans. We ran into cover and I needed a plan fast. The air was already getting heavier in the room and I realized it needed to happen now.

I’ve located the fan controls. There are two, one on either side of the room you are in now.

EDI gave me what I needed and I thought about my options. We could be stuck in this battle for a while, or I could cloak myself and run to the fan controls myself. I decided the last option would be the most viable one. It was very risky but I had to do it unless we wanted to choke and die.

“Miranda, Zaeed. I’m going to turn the fans back on. Can you hold and give me cover?” I asked.

“Are you insane, Commander?!” Miranda almost screamed at me.

“She ain’t no princess, princess. Go. We’ll cover your ass.” Zaeed interjected.

I nodded to him with a smug smile and went into cloak. Miranda’s eyes widened as I disappeared. Did she really not know that I worked with a tactical cloak? So much for knowing everything about me, I guess.

We were a little elevated from where the fan controls would be. I hopped down to my right first and went into the room as silently as I could. There were four vorcha in here guarding the fan controls. I got my combat knife out and threw it at one of them and watched as the blade planted itself deep in its head.

That was the distraction I needed. The others looked at it confused. While they were distracted, I planted a headshot in the other three’s heads and turned on the first fan. Fresh air ran through the room again and I took a deep breath.

Zaeed and Miranda had almost cleared the room. There were krogan on the left side of the control room itself. I hopped up back to where I’d started and hoped to get a good look at what I was working with. Krogan and vorcha. Nothing new there.

“Good job, everyone! Miranda, keep warping armors and overloading shields. Zaeed. Well, keep those headshots coming, baby!” I commanded with a smile on my face.

This was actually a little fun! I went into cloak again before I rolled out to the left side. No one was guarding the second fan control. Everyone was focused on Miranda and Zaeed. I strolled casually up to the controls and activated it again. After that it was just a matter of helping Zaeed and Miranda clear the rest of the room.

“Goddamn, boss!” Zaeed smiled as he picked me up, spun me around and put me down again.

Damn, was he really that excited about what had happened? Couldn’t really blame him. This had to be the first time after coming back to life that I felt something other than suspicion, nervousness, confusion or just terror. We’d also helped out the people living here in more ways than one. They would be safe again and survive the plague. That felt even better than this fight ever would.

“Come on. We better get back to Mordin.” I said and back to Mordin we went.

It was just a matter of walking back. None fought us, none said anything to us and none were really there, anyway. As we reached Mordin, I saw that he was monitoring readings from a datapad. Daniel stood next to him and I felt relieved to see that he was alright.

“Environmental systems engaged. Airborne viral levels dropping. Patients improving. Vorcha retreating. Well done, Shepard. Thank you.” Mordin said smiling as he nodded at his readings.

“It was no problem. I was happy to help.” I said giving him a warm smile and saw him smile back.

“And thank you from me, as well. Those batarians would have killed me. For a second there, I thought you were going to shoot them even after they let me go.” Daniel added a little nervously.

“I think they were just scared. I made a promise to spare them if they let you go. I do my best to keep my promises.” I answered with a shrug.

“Merciful of you. Risky. Would have killed them myself.” Mordin commented.

I didn’t blame him for saying that. I got where he was coming from with that statement and I nodded to show that I understood him. But someone didn’t understand and I saw Daniel quickly rise to his feet and walk over to Mordin.

“Professor, how can you say that? You’re a doctor. You believe in helping people.” Daniel said with a shocked expression and Mordin looked back at him.

“Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients. Sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps. Go check on the patients. Lots of work to do. Think about what I said.” Mordin answered.

I nodded in agreement to what he’d said. Because Mordin was right. Killing Saren, or rather making him redeem himself, was one way to keep people safe. It was the same with killing Sovereign. Sometimes death was the answer to keep people alive.

But not with these batarians. They were just regular people scared of what was happening and they thought humans were behind it all. They were trying to stay alive. Did they act erratically? Yeah. Did I expect anything else from people scared out of their minds? No. Extreme feelings brought out extreme actions.

As Daniel walked out Mordin turned to me. “Good kid. Bit naïve. He’ll learn. Letting him take over the clinic. Should be able to handle it now that vorcha are gone.”

That was nice and it also sounded like he was agreeing to come along. I still wanted the confirmation from him, though. Wouldn’t be nice of me to just assume that he wanted to come along.

“So, we saved the day and cured the plague. Does this mean that you’re ready to help stop the Collectors?” I asked.

“Yes. Unexpected to be working with Cerberus. Many surprises. Just need to finish up here at the clinic. Won’t take long. Meet you at your ship. Looking forward to it.” He answered.

I smiled widely at him and looked forward to having him there. He would be invaluable to help with those seeker swarms. We needed to be able to negate their… seeking abilities? Whatever. We needed them to ignore us to move forward.

But most importantly, at least to me, he was one more person that wasn’t Cerberus. We had four of them now. Joker, Karin, Zaeed and Mordin. I guess Gabby and Ken could count. They seemed to join to be able to work on the Normandy itself, and not necessarily because they would be working for Cerberus.

“I look forward to it as well, Mordin. See you on the Normandy.” I answered, before we walked out of the apartments.

The turian guard outside the entrance to the apartments looked at us expectantly. Oh yeah. I forgot about him. I managed to give him a smug smile and a small shrug as we passed him.

“Told you I fix things.”

Chapter Text

I cleaned my armor, dismantled and cleaned my weapons, and took a long shower. Helping to stop a plague had made me feel really good about myself. I knew I sometimes had to be ruthless for the good of others, but I really liked those ending where everything just went the right way. I even awarded myself with the fucking vanilla sugar scrub, just because I could.

What I also realized was that I could focus on the one person I really looked forward to meet. As I stood there, my thoughts wandered over to Archangel. Archangel. I wondered if he gave himself the nickname or if he was awarded it. The name sort of told one that he was watching over someone. Since he was going after gangs, my guess would be the innocent people on Omega. It fit.

The name made me also wonder if this was a human man. I wasn’t sure if any other species understood what an archangel was. I guess they could’ve studied it, just like I had started to study other species’ religions and beliefs to learn.

A protector, a guide, someone to draw inspiration from, as well as being the ‘chief angel’. Did that mean he had a team working under him? Maybe he was former Alliance then, since he was a combat strategist and tactics expert, at least according to the dossier. Damn, what if this was David? No, it couldn’t be. David was good with weapons, but he wasn’t a sniper. At least not a noted one.

Who the fuck was Archangel? He saw himself as a protector of the innocents. A guardian to those who couldn’t take care of themselves. Omega had no police force and so he took matters into his own hands. A vigilante. And after seeing that shithole for myself, I didn’t blame him for wanting to take matters into his own hands.

He was an enigma and I was so incredibly drawn to him. After looking at the time, I understood that I had to wait until tomorrow. This hadn’t been the most intense mission I’d been on. Fuck, I wasn’t even tired. But Miranda and Zaeed were. I wondered if the cybernetics made me not tire that easily. In any case, I wanted those two with me. Since they needed the rest, we would have to go get him tomorrow.

Doctor Mordin Solus has arrived, Mika. He and Jacob will be waiting for you in the comm room.

“Thanks, EDI.” I answered EDI.

I got dressed in a pair of jeans and my N7 tank top. I didn’t feel like being too representable now. With that said, this wasn’t an Alliance ship or mission at all. I could wear whatever the fuck I wanted to. I took the elevator down to the comm room and waited. Jacob entered with Mordin shortly after.

“Welcome to the Normandy, Professor. It’s an honor to have you on board.” Jacob said with a smile to Mordin.

Mordin looked a bit nervous as he started pacing back and forth. “Yes. Very exciting. Cerberus working with aliens. Unexpected. Illusive Man branching out, maybe? Not so human-centric?”

I chuckled out loud. “Nah, don’t kid yourself, Mordin. Humans still come first in the Illusive Man’s eyes. The things is that this mission is too big for them to handle alone.”

Jacob didn’t like me throwing shade at Cerberus. I felt it. But he knew I was right. I wasn’t even scared to let everyone know that I felt this was. Who could kill me for telling the truth? Miranda and the Illusive Man has said themselves that they worked for the advancement of humans. Of course everyone else came second in their eyes. continued talking while deciding to ignore my retorts towards Cerberus.

“The Collectors are abducting human colonies out on the fringes of Terminus Space.” Jacob explained.

“Not simple abductions. Wouldn’t need me for simple.” Mordin corrected and pointed out effortlessly like the extremely smart man he was.

“Entire colonies disappear without a trace. No distress signals are sent out. There are no signs of any kind of attack. There’s virtually no evidence that anything unusual happened at all… except that every man, woman and child is gone.” Jacob explained.

Mordin started pacing again, thinking out loud to anyone who’d listen. “Gas, maybe? No. Spreads too slow. Airborne virus? No. Slower than gas. Drugged water supply? No. Effects not simultaneous.”

I cut him off at some point. “You don’t have to guess, Mordin. We already sort of know. We collected samples from one of the colonies. I’d like you to analyze them and figure out how the Collectors did this.”

“Yes. Of course. Analyze the samples. Going to need a lab.” He said and sounded excited.

There’s a fully equipped lab on the combat deck, Professor Solus. If you find anything lacking, please place a requisition order.

That was EDI, and Mordin didn’t expect her at all. He looked around confused as she spoke.

“Who’s that? Pilot? No. Synthesized voice. Simulated emotional inflections. Could it be… no. Maybe. Have to ask. Is that an AI?” He asked with a sly smile and I gave him the same smile back.

“Yup. This ship is equipped with an artificial intelligence.” I answered.

“An AI on board? Non-human crew members? Cerberus more desperate than I thought.” Mordin answered and raised his brows at me.

“The Collectors have taken tens of thousands of colonists. We’ll do whatever we have to do to find and stop them.” Jacob answered, trying to be serious again.

“Yes. Of course. Can’t risk being captured like colonists. Need to identify, neutralize technology. Need samples. Which way to the lab?” Mordin asked and was ready to work.

“Follow me, Professor.” Jacob answered, and off they went.

Fuck, I really liked Mordin. Seemed like he could be just as bitchy as I could, and I loved that. I looked forward to knowing him a little better. Learn about his time in the STG. Stuff like that.

I went outside as well as I wanted to talk to Joker, but Kelly stopped me before I could. “Mordin’s psych profile warned me of hyper behavior, but he is like a hamster on coffee. He is going to be a very productive member of the team.”

“Yeah, something tells me that man’s gonna love working. The more difficult the better.” I agreed with a smile.

“Earlier when we spoke, you were very open with me. I liked that. But I hope I didn’t come across as too flirty. I don’t want to overstep my bounds.” She said with a smile.

“Be yourself, Kelly. We don’t need military protocol getting in the way.” I answered back honestly.

“I agree completely.” She answered, and even winked at me.

I chuckled at her and told her good night, before I actually managed to make my way to Joker. I opened the doors to the cockpit and sat down in the co-pilot chair next to him with my knees up and my arms wrapped around them. My plan was to just hang out and not worry him with my worries, but that went out of the window as soon as I sat down.

“You okay?” He asked.

I didn’t answer right away, as I wasn’t sure myself. Joker noticed something was on my mind and locked the doors to the cockpit like he often did when we were jamming or if I was bringing up stuff I didn’t want everyone else to listen to.

Joker wasn’t a good talker. He thought talking about difficult things were just that. Difficult. But he was a really good listener and I loved Joker for it. Sometimes I just needed someone to listen to me without offering up any solutions.

And it seemed like he knew me all too well by now. Something was wrong. I was worried again and it didn’t surprise me that he already understood what this was about. I looked at Joker with that same worried expression but couldn’t word myself right.

“Shepard, I know you’re worried about Garrus. I did some digging while you were out on your mission, and nothing came up. I’m sorry. The realistic way to look at this, is that we would have heard about his death if he was dead. This feels like he just vanished and doesn’t want to be found. I’m sure he’ll come back as soon as he learns you’re alive.” Joker said while looking at me.

“You’re probably right. I sent his dad an e-mail yesterday out of desperation. You know, I spent my last shore leave with him. I just want to know that he’s all right. I know it’s been two years since that happened for him, but it’s like that was almost two weeks ago for me. It’s difficult to deal with. It’s just…” I started, but couldn’t finish.

“I know. So, tell me about this last mission we’re here for. Is it another squad member you’re picking up?” Joker asked.

He was trying to take my mind off Garrus and I decided to indulge him and told him about what I knew about Archangel. Maybe Joker had some thoughts about who this could be.

“His dossier doesn’t really tell me much. He’s known as Archangel. Dossier describes him as a noted sniper, omni-tool expert and a tactical genius. He commands a mercenary group that only seems to target other mercenary groups.” I explained.

“Does this guy think he’s some kind of superhero, or something?” Joker asked with furrowed brows and I barked out a laugh.

“I know! I thought the same exact thing when I read the dossier. But he sounds intriguing. An omni-tool expert, a noted sniper, tactical genius… I really want this guy on my team. If he doesn’t want to, then I hope I at least get to see who’s the better shot.” I answered with a smile.

“Who do you think he is?” He asked.

I thought about what I knew and ended up shaking my head and shrugging. “I have no idea. My gut tells me that he has to be ex-military, or something like that. Reading his dossier could make it sound like he’s a turian. They’re very into battle tactics and strategies, but then he’s calling himself Archangel. That makes me think he’s a human. And sure. Other species could know what an Archangel is. Not saying that isn’t the case. Fuck, I’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out, I guess.”

We continued talking for a while. Some time passed and I felt Mordin would’ve been set up properly by now. It was time to talk to him. I wanted to get to know him a little more, since he would be a very valuable part of our team. His way of speaking had also caught my attention. While it could just be him sounding like he was constantly on speed, I suspected there was something going on here. I wanted to see if I was right.

As I entered the lab, he was already working hard at his terminal and researching the samples we’d given him. He looked up at me as I entered with a smile on his face.

“Shepard. How can I help?” He greeted.

“Is the lab working well for you?” I asked.

“Quite satisfactory. Found a few surveillance bugs. Destroyed most of them. Returned expensive one to Miranda. Nothing unexpected. Just need more samples. More Collector data, tissue samples. Anything you get, I can use. Find new tech.” He answered, just as quickly and matter-of-factly as he had done on Omega.

Surveillance bugs, though. EDI had mentioned those. I wanted to ask him what to look for. He seemed to have experience with this and I wasn’t keen on the Illusive Man watching me sleep or shower.

“Good. Hey, uhm. I hate to ask, but could you do a sweep of my loft? I’ve been dead for the past two years and I don’t really know what to look for. Besides, I wasn’t that heavily involved with that kind of surveillance while I was alive.” I asked.

He nodded and so we both went up to my room. Watching him sweep the area for any surveillance bugs was fascinating. He worked fast and managed to get his hands on around five of them that he quickly destroyed. Even one in my bathroom. Shit. That was a lot. I was happy I asked about it now and he even assured me that the area was free of bugs.

“Impressive laboratory setup. Missed working for operations with a budget. AI in particular very helpful. Best setup I’ve seen since work with Special Tasks Group.” Mordin noted to me as we rode the elevator back down.

“Was it frustrating to work on Omega with limited resources?” I asked.

Something told me that was far from the truth. This was a smart man and I think he loved being challenged. Difficulty made him thrive since he already was as smart as he was. The shake of his head made me understand that I was right.

“No! Loved it! Limited facility presents challenge. Save greatest number of people using limited resources. Security threats, gangs, mercenary groups add additional difficulty. Quite enjoyable. Plague stretched abilities to limit. Couldn’t have asked for more. Also enjoyed saving people, of course. Helping the helpless, greater good. All that, too. Nice retirement after STG work complete.” He explained happily.

“Tell me about the STG.” I curiously said.

“Respected organization. Clandestine. Handles difficult assignments with limited oversight. Recon, analysis, occasional wet-work. Identify problems, have neutralization options ready should need arise. Model for Council Spectres based on STG. Very similar.” He answered and gave me a knowing look.

“Similar in what way?” I wondered as we headed back into the labs.

“Salarians lack numbers, brute strength, military prowess. Have to rely upon stealth, intelligence. Agents trusted, given wide operative freedom. Spectres similar. Given goal, told to accomplish. Better funded, of course. Didn’t have to buy our own weapons.” Mordin answered and I laughed at the last sentence as memories from the SR1 popped up.

“Yeah. Though I really only used my Black Widow and my M-5. I never actually bought any weapons.” I commented.

I decided now was the time to see if my suspicions were true about his speech. Deactivating my translator as subtly as I could, I got a little nervous at first. If I was wrong, then this would be a little awkward, to say the least. But I guess I could explain it away as my translator glitching out.

“Is Daniel settling in all right?” I asked as he popped into my mind.

“Quite well. Safe and secure. Neighborhood mostly quiet with plague gone. Left him the security mechs, just in case. Can’t be too careful. Also tired of mechs. Noisy. Never used them in STG.” He said through a smile, really showing that he cared for Daniel.

And I was right! There had been something about the way he spoke that made me wonder if he actually was speaking English. Some words were skipped over and it was a little simple at times. And fuck me, wouldn’t you know. He actually was and I ended up smiling.

“You do speak English!” I noted to him.

“Yes. Learned English in youth.” He confirmed with a smile.

“I just had to know if my suspicion was right.” I explained and turned my translator back on.

With that out of the way, I felt curious about his work in the STG. He had mentioned it a couple of times now and I was getting ready to ask about it now. I wanted to know what he had done personally, as the STG really did a lot of different things.

“You said you were in the STG. What kind of research were you doing?” I asked curiously.

“Not simply research. Several recon missions. Covert, high-risk. Served under young captain named Kirrahe. Studied krogan genophage. Took water, tissue samples from krogan colonies.” He answered.

Did he say Kirrahe? Captain Kirrahe? The ‘hold the line’ salarian from Virmire? The one I actually liked a lot? The one we’d worked with to blow up Saren’s breeding facility?

“Captain Kirrahe? Would that be the same Captain Kirrahe that helped me destroy Saren’s breeding facility on Virmire?” I asked through a smile.

Mordin lit up at the new information. “Heard he was part of that! Jury-rigged explosive? Always got job done with limited resources. Good captain.”

“Yeah. We couldn’t have done it without him.” I agreed with a smile.

“Bit of a cloaca, though. Loved his speeches. Hold the line! Personally preferred to get job done and go home. Probably military bravado. Jargon, chest-pounding. No offense.” Mordin added a little carefully and I laughed as he basically called Kirrahe an asshole.

“None taken. But why would the STG study the genophage?” I asked just as curiously.

As I asked, Mordin’s demeanor changed. He went from being happy and relaxed to becoming more serious, tense, and somber. Oh, boy. There had to be a story here. An uncomfortable one, too.

“Krogan rebellions bloody, dangerous. Nearly as bad as rachni attacks. All species evolve, adapt, mutate. If genophage weakens, need to be prepared.” He answered carefully.

“What was the STG preparing to do?” I wondered to him.

“Military schematics for likely krogan population growth. Political scenarios for attack points. Genophage reduced krogan numbers. Species aggression unchecked. Population explosion would be disastrous. STG helped check Krogan Rebellions. Needed to be ready to do the same. Simple recon. Nothing to worry about.” Mordin explained tensely.

His last sentence told me to back off from the question. He didn’t want to talk about it. I had to respect that, but I still wondered why it was so uncomfortable for him to talk about. But I nodded at him in recognition and asked a more generic question.

“What can you tell me about the genophage?” I asked.

“Bio-weapon designed by salarian science team. Deployed by turian agents against krogans to end Krogan Rebellions more than a thousand years ago. Affects every cell of krogan body. Commonly and incorrectly considered a sterility plague. Actually adjusts viable fertility rates to compensate for high krogan birthrate. Stabilizes to pre-industrial population growth levels.” He explained more calmly and evenly, and even in a faster rate.

So if the evolving and adapting was happening, then my guess would be that something was going on with the genophage. But I understood he was done talking with me right now and I would back off and let him get back to work. I nodded and smiled at him.

“Thank you for talking with me, Mordin. I’ll see you later.” I said through my smile.

“Should get back to work. Need to study. So much data. Here if you need me.” He answered with a smile.

I decided to head through the door that went to the armory. As I entered it Jacob must have thought I was there to talk to him, because he turned around to face me.

“Shepard. Can I help you with something?” He asked.

Fuck, I didn’t want to talk to him right now. But okay. I guess I was here and so I would talk to him. What did I want to talk about with him, though?

“Yeah, do you have any thoughts on how to prepare against the Collectors?” I asked, just pulling a question out from the air.

“They specced this ship to the original Normandy, but you were there – the Collectors cut her like butter. This armor just isn’t top of the line anymore. People will die if we don’t upgrade. Alliance had some new toys in secret dev before I left. I could try and pull a few favors…” He teased out after a few seconds of silence.

What did he just say? We could upgrade the Normandy? That wasn’t something I’d ever thought about before. If that was true, then he needed to go ahead and make it happen right away.

“Yeah. Please do.” I answered somewhat in shock and awe at the offer.

“Consider it done. Was there something else you wanted to see me for?” He asked with a smile.

A sheepish smile crept up my face. “You know, I was just passing by, Jacob. But okay. I understand you made quite an impact after you left the Alliance.”

“Miranda and I stopped a batarian plan to release a biological agent on the Citadel. That’s when I first met her. It took us out to the Nemean Abyss and back. Saved the Citadel, like you, but what’s the saying? A good dead is like pissing yourself in dark pants? Warm feeling but no one notices. The whole thing was hushed, like they’re good at doing, but I know what I did and I’m proud of it.” He answered somewhat smugly.

“You should be. It’s strange that it wasn’t bigger news, though.” I noted because I hadn’t heard about this before.

“The real work doesn’t get publicized. You know that. They say it’s better that people don’t know how fragile the system is or how close the bad guys can get. So it never happened. Like you and the Reaper. And that’s why I’m here.” He answered frankly after a chuckle.

“Sure. Alright, let’s just talk, then, since we have some down time.” I said as I leaned against one of the tables in the middle of the room.

“Sounds good. Have to say, you run this ship tight, and we’re getting things done. We keep on track and maybe we’ll figure this out. I hope so. I’m not looking forward to the debrief if it all goes to hell. Was there anything specific, or are you just checking in?” He asked back.

Fuck, that took me back to Kaidan being so weird at me just talking to him. I wondered what these men on the Normandy had against just friendly conversations. Or what they had about just being able to walk by without it meaning that I wanted to talk to them. Jacob was probably just wondering why I was here, and was too polite to ask directly.

“Listen, I like to know my crew. That’s just how I am. Forget procedure. Tell me about yourself.” I said with a friendly smile.

“Informal, huh? Everything’s in my file. Ex-Alliance, like you. No Reapers or anything, but I got swept under the rug, too. The more good you do, the less they want to admit that something needed doing.” He answered with a smile.

“What really brought you to Cerberus?” I asked and hoped for a straight answer this time.

“The Alliance sidelined me after Eden Prime. Ended up on a job with Miranda that Cerberus treated like an audition, and here I am.” He answered and I understood it was the story he’d told me earlier.

“Yeah, cause you don’t seem like a ‘results at all costs’ kind of guy. Cerberus history doesn’t bother you?” I asked.

“The Alliance is all politics. Somebody has to take down the bad people. Cerberus keeps that line, I’m on their side.” He answered with a shrug.

I understood that he felt frustrated about the tight politics surrounding the Alliance but he would be an idiot or blind if he thought that they never did anything at all. Take David as an example. He basically said, ‘fuck it,’ punched a Councilor and hacked his computer so we could go get the job done. Him and Hackett were also quick to send backup when Illyria got hit. Maybe they were slow with the colonies going dark, but like the Illusive Man had said, they took a bad hit when we took down Sovereign.

I wondered what it actually would take for Jacob to turn his back on Cerberus. What would be so incredibly bad in his eyes that he would have to leave? He talked about this line that I had seen Cerberus cross before. He wasn’t so innocent that he didn’t believe that was still going on, was he? But I guess that was the downside of working in since cell groups where none knew of each other.

Not that I was going to push him to do it. He could do whatever he wanted to do and as soon as this Reaper business was done I would wish him well, but I honestly wondered what his uncrossable line was. Murder? Horrific experiments? That line had already been crossed. I bet kidnapping children would be one. I hadn’t heard of them doing that yet but I wouldn’t be surprised if it came up.

With that said, Jacob looked good. He looked content. He looked happy. Looks wise, he was very muscular and had a good body. Strong and carried himself proudly. It was clear he spent a lot of time working out. It had to be him that set up the gym in the shuttle bay. Maybe he could help me bulk back up again if I asked.

“Well. You look like you came through no worse for wear.” I noted with an admirable smile.

“If nothing else, the Alliance trains their people well. Once you live that life, you can’t sit around getting fat.” He laughed out.

I mean, there were worse things in life than gaining weight. Like cancer. Or dying. Or losing a limb. Or never enjoying a pizza for the rest of your life. It seemed a little shallow. But he obviously enjoyed working out and I wouldn’t judge if gaining weight or becoming sedentary was his fears.

Besides, he misunderstood what I meant. I know I could have worded myself a little better. I wasn’t necessarily talking about his body or trying to comment on it. I just thought he looked happy with the choice he made to quit the Alliance. That was it.

And then his eyes roamed over my body shamelessly. With the clothes I was wearing, I bet he also got a good look. Jeans and tank tops usually gave one a tight fit. Ah, crap. Did he really take that as me flirting with him? Probably not.

“Most of us didn’t get a Cerberus rebuild. They outdid themselves with you. Ask for any upgrades?” He asked through a flirtatious smile and I laughed.

He did, huh? I mean, Jacob was hot. He really was. One would be blind or not into humans to not agree. But he wasn’t my type. He seemed a little… boring. He reminded me of the classic high school jock. A kind one, by all means, but it just felt like there wasn’t too much depth to him at all. He just felt like a kind guy that liked to work out, and that was it.

But I didn’t want this to turn in the flirty direction, so I went for a joke after my laugh died down. “Well, I was dead. Not like I could’ve asked. But as far as I’ve seen, I still look like myself. Couldn’t hurt to keep some spare part handy, though.”

An understanding nod came at me. “Yeah, I hear that. Your job isn’t getting any safer. You know, I used to wonder what the big deal with you was. But now that we’re in deep, I’m glad it’s not me in the spotlight.”

“Well, we’re taking on the Reapers and we’re with Cerberus. There’s really no hiding. Not for any of us.” I pointed out back to him and it made him smile.

“Don’t worry. This is exactly what I signed on for. If that’s all, Shepard. I’ll get back to my duties. There’s a lot to get ready.” He said and turned his back to me.

“Sure. Have a good evening, Jacob.” I chuckled out behind him and left the armory.

I decided to just head up to my room surveillance free room after that. I could finally just treat this as my space without worrying that someone was watching. What to do, though? It was getting a little late and I felt like relaxing before I went to sleep. Relax how, though? Maybe I would watch a movie?

Garrus entered my mind as I thought about watching a movie and then I just got fucking worried again. Maybe his dad had answered my e-mail? I decided to go see if he had and wasn’t too surprised to see that I had no replies at all. I half-expected there not to be any. His dad wouldn’t like me, as Garrus once had said.

But there was another e-mail here that I didn’t expect to see at all. I was so surprised as I read it that I just ended up staring at the screen for a very long time.

On the off chance that the rumors are true and you actually are alive, I need you to come and talk to me on the Citadel. A lot has changed in the last two years. You put me on the Council, and it's only fair that you be allowed to speak for yourself about what we've been hearing.

It was from David. Councilor David Anderson. Wannabe dad. How the fuck did he learn that I was alive? I was happy he knew, but I just wondered how that information had reached him. He wanted me to go meet with the Council. Why, though? What was the point of doing that? I mean, I had suggested the same myself, but now it just seemed like a bad idea.

The Council wouldn’t understand what was happening. They would hate the thought of me working with Cerberus and I understood why. I sure as fuck did. But this was different. I hadn’t joined them at all. I was just using their resources to figure out if the Collectors were working with the Reapers or not and if the were, they would be taken out. Maybe they would if they understood that the Reaper threat still was very much real.

I wanted to send him an answer but I felt like I needed to think about it a little more first. So much told me that it would be pointless of me to try to reason with the Council. But I really wanted to see David again. Besides, we would have to go to the Citadel at some point anyway. I just didn’t know when I would want to do it.

I let it go and decided to just head off to bed. I could sleep on it if I ever did manage to fall asleep. Better yet, if I managed to sleep without any nightmares.

Chapter Text

Wouldn’t you know it. I woke up the next day after another night filled with nightmares. The same fucking dream as last night. These restless nights really couldn’t continue. I needed to bring my A-game if I was going to be able to work and today was a very important day of work.

I groaned as I rolled out of bed and headed for my bathroom. I decided to think about what I’d be doing today as I readied myself for this day. My last dossier on Omega was for Archangel, and I looked more forward to it than I wanted to admit. I smiled to myself in excitement as I thought about the enigma that was him.

I got dressed in my medium Predator armor and then I paused. Realizing that I actually wanted to impress Archangel enough for him to join, I went just the extra mile. My armor already made me look badass. Going with the theme, I added some smoky dark makeup around my eyes and let my hair be in a thicker braid. I pulled out a couple of pieces just to have it frame my face.

I looked at myself. I mean, I looked like I always did when I worked. This was how I usually got ready. But I felt myself today and I thought I looked sexy, yet dangerous at the same time. Like that female superhero with the same name as my poor lost rifle. I let out a smile before I strapped on my Viper, my M-3 and my newly sharpened combat knife. Fuck it. I even took my grenade launcher. Why not, right?

As I headed down to the kitchen for breakfast, I got a lot of looks and a couple of catcalls. I rolled my eyes at it with a smile as I ate. No one interesting was here yet, so I just stood at talked to Gardner about cooking. He took my bowl as I finished eating, and I headed to the airlock. Zaeed and Miranda were already waiting for me. They both gave me wide-eyed stares at what I looked like. Zaeed even grinned. And I felt ready to go impress Archangel.

“We’re going to Omega for the last dossier. I’ll go see Aria for information first, though. I don’t like going in blind.” I said and they nodded as we walked into Afterlife.

I went straight up to her and even strolled up with a smile. I needed to know if she knew if Archangel was here on Omega, and if he was, how I’d find him. Maybe she even knew something about him. Aria tried to suppress a happy smile at me being there after looking me up and down. She almost managed to do it, if it weren’t for her eyes showing it.

“You’re back.” Aria simply said and motioned for me to sit next to her.

“I guess I am.” I answered while giving her a smirk as I sat down.

“What can I do for you today?” Aria asked.

Her whole body was now turned completely towards me. I decided to go straight to business today, but not before I turned my body towards her as well. Yeah, I was a little tease. Didn’t really care if she thought I was.

“I’m trying to track down Archangel. Heard he might be here on Omega.” I said.

Aria snorted at my sentence. “You and half of Omega. You want him dead, too?”

“No. I’m putting a team together. He’s on my list.” I answered honestly.

Aria gave me an impressed look like she hadn’t expected that answer from me. “You’re going to make some enemies teaming up with Archangel. That’s assuming you can get to him. He’s in a bit of trouble right now.”

I felt a worry growing inside me, but managed to suppress it before I answered.  “What kind of trouble?”

“The local merc groups have joined forces to take him down. They’ve got him cornered, but it sounds like they’re having trouble finishing him off. They’ve started hiring anybody with a gun to help them. They’re using a private room for recruiting just over there. I’m sure they’ll sign you up.” She said with a smile and gestured towards a room at the lower levels of Afterlife.

We needed to do that and get the fuck over to where he was. I needed this guy on my team. I needed to know who he was. But first of all, I wanted to see if Aria knew anything about him.

“Do you actually know anything about him?” I asked curiously and a sigh told me that she didn’t.

“Not as much as I’d like. He showed up here almost two years ago and started causing all sorts of problems. If you make your own laws – which everyone here does – he makes life difficult. He’s reckless and idealistic. But he seems to know enough to stary clear of me.” She explained.

Reckless and idealistic. It reminded me of someone I knew. I smiled to myself thinking about Garrus. I wondered where he was again but stopped myself from going down that line of thinking. I needed my A-game for this mission, which meant I had to think about him after this mission.

“Which merc groups are after him?” I asked since I needed to know what we’d be up against.

“Blue Suns, Eclipse, Blood Pack. They’re Omega’s major players. Unless they’re at war, you’ll never see them together. But one thing they hate more than each other is Archangel.” Aria answered with a smile and I managed to chuckle.

“Thanks, Aria. I appreciate the help.” I said as I trailed my fingers down her left arm.

“Hah! See if you still feel that way when the mercs realize you’re here to help him.” Aria answered somewhat exited.

I smiled at her. “Well, I’ve always been a bit of a risk taker.”

I raised my eyebrows at her once, before I stood up and made an effort to stay close to her as I did. The woman took a deep breath as I did and exhaled just as I walked back over to Zaeed and Miranda. We needed to haul ass, so I motioned them to follow me. I quickly found the batarian Blue Suns recruiter Aria had motioned to after I went down a level.

“I hear you’re recruiting.” I said to him with a smirk.

“Hmm. Why don’t you step inside?” He said after eying the three of us.

We entered and were met by a Blue Suns guard who eyed us just as closely as the first guy. “You three look like you could do some damage. Looking for a good fight?”

“Sure, if this is the place to go after Archangel.” I answered with a smile.

“This is the place. Standard fee is 500 credits each. You get paid when the job’s done. If you die, your friends don’t collect your share. You’ll need your own weapons and armor… looks like you’ve got that covered. And no, this does not make you a member of the Blue Suns, Eclipse, or the Blood Pack. You are a freelancer. Period.” He said flatly, like he’d given this speech multiple times before.

I wanted to pry for more information. “Why are the mercs actually working together to take down Archangel?”

“Haven’t been on Omega long, huh? He does everything he can to screw with us. Shipments go missing, operations are compromised… every month it gets worse. Tarak and the other bosses are tired of losing credits… and men.” The guard explained.

“Tarak, is he a heavy hitter? How many merc bosses are involved in this attack?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah, Tarak runs the Blue Suns, but all three bosses are overseeing this operation. Jaroth’s leading the Eclipse, and Garm’s the head of the Blood Pack. Tarak’s in charge, but the other would never say that. I’m surprised they’re in on this at all, but I guess getting rid of Archangel is worth it.” The guard answered sounding somewhat tired of the whole thing.

“Yeah, seems like a lot of trouble for just one guy.” I pointed out.

“He had a whole team, but we’ve dealt with them. Now he’s just one guy. But he’s got the advantage. It’s his base of operations, and he knows we’re coming. He’s planned for an attack like this. We’ve lost a lot of men trying to get to him already.” The guard answered.

Oh no. He did have a whole team but the mercs managed to take them out. I wondered what had happened. But I felt impressed with Archangel already. Holding his own for however long he had was nothing to sneer at. It sounded like he already had taken out quite a lot of them.

I also understood that we needed to get there fast, as I felt a small worry creep up my spine. Archangel was at the point of losing. I wouldn’t let that happen.

“Sounds like it’s going to be tough to get to him.” I noted.

“Like chasing a vorcha out of the sewer pipes. But that’s why we’re recruiting. If we just keep throwing fighters at him, we’ll get him eventually.” The guard agreed and his wording made me wonder.

“What do we do once we’re there? How do we get to Archangel?” I asked curiously.

“The merc will tell you when you get there. Last I heard, they were putting freelancers into scouting groups; they attack in waves to distract Archangel while we try to get past his defenses.” The guard answered.

“So we’re just fodder for his bullets?” I asked while chuckling.

“If you don’t like it, don’t sign up. But if you do your job right, it’s easy credits. Besides, what are the odds he can kill all of you?” The guard answered sarcastically.

I smiled back and thought about the big surprise that was in store for these idiots. “Where’s the attack taking place?”

“Archangel’s base of operations. He’s been hiding right under our noses. I can’t tell you exactly where you’re going, but we’ll get you there.” He answered.

I realized this guy didn’t actually know that much about what was going on and I decided to leave him alone after that. I paid our fees. 1500 credits. Man, that was a lot of cash for having a shot at taking Archangel down. I guess this was the mercs’ way of making back their lost credits, huh?

“So. Where do we go?” I asked while cracking my knuckles.

He smiled. “Just head over to the transport depot outside the club. One of our boys will take you from there. Send in the next one.”

I nodded and turned around to leave. As I exited the room, a young-looking human guy entered the recruitment room. He could be no more than 15. Holstered to his hip was a shitty pistol. An M-3, but shitty like it was at the point of falling apart.

“Hey, is this where I sign up?” He asked excitedly.

“You look a little young to be freelancing as a merc.” I pointed out while looking him over.

“I’m old enough! I grew up on Omega. I know how to use a gun.” The guy said trying to be tough.

Zaeed chuckled. “Yeah. You know enough to get yourself killed.”

“I can handle myself. Besides, I just spent 50 credits on this pistol, and I wanna use it!” The guy said as he took out this dingy-looking pistol.

That piece of garbage really would fall apart right away. It was rusted and looked like it was loose. That thing would explode if he tried to fire it. So I couldn’t let him join this mission. He would be dead within the first minute. I grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him towards my face.

“Get your money back.” I said with a smile as I took his gun from him.

“Hey, what are you…” The guy started saying.

I lightly tapped the pistol a couple of times on the side, and it immediately broke. I handed it back to him with a smug smile.

“Trust me, kid. You’ll thank me later.” I said with a wink and then we left.

We walked out of Afterlife and I just started to grin like an idiot as we walked along. I was giddy like a fucking teenager and secretly hoped Archangel would be impressed by me when he saw my surprise for him later. I looked forward to him understanding that we were there to save him. I wondered what his reaction would be?

Miranda gave me a puzzled look as she saw me smiling like a fool. I just shook my head and motioned for us to continue. She made a comment about Omega being dirty, so dirty that she felt she had to shower even after going through decon. I decided to just smile and nod. She wasn’t going to bring my fucking day down today.

In front on some shuttles stood a Blue Suns merc. I guessed he would be the one to take us forward. Another batarian. Were everyone in the Blue Suns batarians? No, they weren’t. I remembered fighting turians yesterday. No matter. They would all die today anyway.

“We’re on the mission.” I said to him and he looked us over.

“I hope you’re ready. Archangel’s been annihilating you freelancers.” He flatly.

I decided to not pry him for any more information because I was so fucking eager to get going. “Yup. Ready when you are.”

We took the shuttle and after a 10-minute drive in silence, I noticed we were in the Kima District. I hadn’t been here before. Well. I hadn’t really been to Omega before yesterday, so I guess everything was kinda new to me. It felt good to know where we were, though. As we stepped out of the shuttle, a batarian Blue Suns merc introduced himself as Salkie and took a good look at us.

“It’s about time they send me someone who looks like they can actually fight. They tell you what we’re up against?” Salkie asked nervously.

“Nah, the recruiter was a little vague.” I admitted with a smile.

“We wouldn’t get many hires if everyone knew the truth. Archangel’s holed up in a building at the end of the boulevard over there. He’s got superior position, and the only way in is over a very exposed bridge. It’s a killing ground. But he’s getting tired, making mistakes. We’ll have him soon enough.” He answered.

“I’ll get to him. Just point me to the bridge.” I promised with a smirk.

“I like your attitude, but we’ve got a plan in place. You’ll be on a distraction team. Head straight over the bridge and keep Archangel busy so the infiltration team can sneak in behind him.” He explained.

I now understood why the recruiter had been ‘a little vague’. That would make us very exposed. There weren’t any other way for us to be more exposed than what we were going to be. We were basically just going to be Archangel’s targets for practice.

“That’s goddamn suicide.” Zaeed chuckled out.

Salkie nodded. “Pretty much. But you look like you can handle it. Head up to the boulevard and get to the third barricade. Talk to Sergeant Cathka. He’ll tell you when to go in.”

Look like we can handle it. What, suicide? You could make the case for anyone to just stand there and be his targets. Anyone could do that. But I just smiled and nodded and looked forward to quickly popping these fuckers in the head so Archangel would understand that we were there to help him.

I still wanted information so I would know what we would be walking into. Like where mercs were placed, other entrances, if they had some sort of backup going on. Anything that would help us so we wouldn’t get caught by surprise.

“Do you know anything about Archangel?” I asked curiously since Salkie looked like he’d been here a while.

“I’m the wrong guy to ask. I just do logistics. Tarak and the other merc bosses have been dealing with him for a while now. But don’t be surprised if they’re not thrilled about talking to a freelancer.” He answered apologetically.

“So the bridge is the only way to his hideout?” I wondered conversationally.

“Exactly. Archangel collapsed all the underground passageways and sealed the doors to the lower levels. We’ve got teams digging, but it’s taking too long. If they can get the gunship flying again, that’ll help. But I’m hoping the infiltration team will finish the job and we can all go home.” He answered.

It sounded like Archangel had been smart and covered all his exits. That meant that he could control where the heat came from. Tactical and strategic genius indeed. But people were working their way to him none the less. That was important information.

But that wasn’t what actually caught my attention. I looked at him slightly stunned as I let out a chuckle. Did I just hear him correctly? It sounded so incredibly ridiculous.

“They were using a gunship to take out one guy?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, and Archangel shot it down. He didn’t destroy it, but he knew just where to hit it to disable it. It wasn’t even a fair fight. At least not for us.” Salkie answered honestly with a slight chuckle in his voice.

What?! He took out a gunship with one single shot? Archangel apparently was a very good shot. Apparently he also had good knowledge of how ships worked. Was he a better shot than me? Nah, I would never agree to that unless it was proven to be right by a competition.

But that urge I felt to see him in action only grew within me. This guy was just good. Fuck, I would do whatever the fuck he wanted to have him on my team. Whatever.

“Where’s the infiltration team now?” I curiously asked.

“On the far side of the bridge, near his hideout. But they can’t get any closer without being seen.” Salkie answered.

“How’d they even get that close without being seen?” I asked feeling somewhat surprised they’d gotten people over.

“More distractions. Tarak used a gunship to keep Archangel busy. We were able to sneak a few men into his hideout before he took it down, but they’re stuck there. We need to keep Archangel focused on the bridge, so he doesn’t find them and wipe them out.” He explained.

I looked forward to M-3’ing them all in their faces later, though it would’ve felt so much better to do it with my M-5. But I still smiled as I thought about what was going to happen. Salkie didn’t seem like he knew anything more, so it was time to wrap it up and get moving.

“Well, sounds like I better go find Sergeant Cathka.” I said with a smile.

“Good idea. Watch yourself on the boulevard. Archangel’s killed dozens out there already.” He answered as he leaved us alone.

I took a deep breath. Getting into Archangel’s position would be a lot easier than getting out. We definitely had a tough fight in front of us and I was happy that Zaeed and Miranda got the rest they needed for this endeavor. Archangel was also playing with the people on this boulevard. There was a chance he would think we were someone to take out and so we had to be careful.

“In’s gonna be easy. Out’s gonna be a bitch.” Zaeed answered like the mind reader he was in that moment.

“Yeah.” I agreed with a sigh and started feeling a little worried.

Mika, I’ve scanned the area, but I am unable to plot any other paths to Archangel. The heavy mechs and gunship possess considerable firepower. Weakening them before leaving will improve your chances.

I realized that having EDI around just was so fucking useful. Heavy mechs and this gunship in question. Sabotage? Fuck yeah. I would gladly sabotage anything I could to make this an easier battle. Every fiber and instinct within me screamed that I definitely wanted this guy on my team. And so I would do anything to make it happen. I always listened to my instincts when it came to work.

We headed up a set of stairs, coming in from the right of the boulevard. When we’d almost hit it, a Blood Pack vorcha got sniped in the head in front of me. I glanced over quickly at where the shot had come from. I could just make out someone getting back into cover but couldn’t see any details from this person.

That was impressive. The shot must have been at around 200 meters. Noted sniper indeed. It was so impressive that I felt a little arousal by it. I suppressed a smile at that happening and felt thankful of there not being any turians around.

We took our chances and passed the boulevard quickly and headed into a room. It was filled with Eclipse mercs. In the center of the table sat a salarian giving out orders. I suspected this was Jaroth and I wanted to see what he knew. I decided to bother him to get more information.

“Do you need something?” He spat at me as I walked up to him.

“You lead the Eclipse?” I asked.

“You figure that out by yourself? I’m Jaroth. I run Omega’s Eclipse. What do you need, freelancer?” He answered sarcastically.

I asked him about what Eclipse were doing on Omega. He told me that they moved eezo, that they only cared about making credits, and that Archangel stopped them from doing it. Archangel had even killed Jaroth’s brother. His hatred for Archangel was extremely personal and I guess I could understand why he felt this way.

“What do you know about Archangel?” I asked.

“His life expectancy is shortening quickly.” Jaroth answered flatly.

“Is that it? Nobody seems to know anything about him. Like he’s some fucking ghost.” I pointed out a little frustrated.

“Look around, you’ll learn what you need to know. He’s smart. He’s resourceful. And he’s dangerous. But we’ve got him cornered. He won’t be making fools of us much longer. Can I assist you further?” Jaroth asked.

“Where did he come from? Who is he?” I asked letting some frustration sour my tone.

“Even his team didn’t know that. Maybe we’ll know more once we have his body. Of course, it really won’t matter then.” Jaroth answered flatly.

I decided I’d had enough and left him alone. I reached a door and opened it curiously. Inside was a room filled with LOKI mechs and one YMIR mech. Sabotage! I smiled sadistically to myself as I went over to the controls for the YMIR mech. I brought up my omni-tool and hacked its IFF-systems, turning it hostile towards the Eclipse. I looked forward to seeing both the Eclipse’s reaction and Archangel’s reaction to my sabotage, hoping he’d be impressed with me.

I also found some credits I bought our way in with and then some, which I gladly took. A datapad containing a plot for moving towards Aria was also here. She had been good to me and there was a chance that I would need her more going forward, so I decided to take it with me. She needed to see this. This could buy me a favor with her.

Walking out of the room I headed on forward and was met by an angry looking krogan surrounded by vorcha and a couple of varren. He was a hulking red beast of a man and he was not happy to see me here. This had to be Garm.

“You’re in the wrong place, freelancer.” Garm said as I walked up to him.

“You the Blood Pack leader?” I asked confidently, not willing to be intimidated by this guy.

“Name’s Garm. That’s all you need to know. I’m stuck here waiting till you freelancers are done playing war. Ask your questions and go.” Garm answered flatly and I decided to cut to the chase.

“What do you know about Archangel?” I asked.

“He’s a pain in the ass. He’s a turian, which makes him slightly worse to look at than you. And he’s brave… till he realizes you’re more than he bargained for.” Garm answered.

The word ‘turian’ immediately stood out to me, but I decided to forget it right now. “Sounds like you’ve had personal experience.”

“He tried to take me down once. Waited till I was alone. Longest damn fight of my life, but I held him off till my men showed up. He wasn’t so tough after that. We chased him over half of Omega. Almost had him, but the slippery bastard snuck away before we could pin him down.” Garm answered with hatred in his voice.

I suppressed a smile creeping up my face. We talked more about the attack. Garm was frustrated by having to work for his credits, since Archangel made life tough for him. He also told me his crew were trying to reach Archangel through the underpasses. Important information and I parted ways with him after that.

As I walked out of the room, I felt my heart rate go up immediately. I was sure my gut was screaming for me to get to Archangel for a reason and I now suspected that I knew why that was.

I thought very carefully about what was going on and what I knew. Archangel only seemed to target mercs. Criminals. These mercs were targeting innocent people. He took matters into his own hands. He was a turian. I knew two turians like that. Nihlus was dead. No one knew about the other one but what I did know was that I was sure he had quit C-Sec.

What was Archangel doing here, really? If we took a good look at it. Fighting the good fight on his own and taking matters into his own hands to do so. No red tape to hold him back, which was what he was so frustrated about. There was no police force on Omega. This place was crawling with mercs. It was the perfect place for those sort of things. Vigilantism, basically.

This is Garrus, isn’t it?

My gut agreed with my brain and said that this indeed had to be him. A noted sniper. An omni-tool expert. Tactical and strategic. That aim on the boulevard, the heavy sound of his rifle, and oh my fucking god, everything fit. I couldn’t be completely sure, of course. Not until I saw him with my own eyes. It didn’t stop the shiver that ran down my whole body at the thought of it being him, though.

Fuck, Garrus was in trouble. People were below him ready to take him down. We would be the distraction so he could be taken down. How long had he been there? For a concerning amount of time, was my guess. Even with stims there was no chance in hell that he wasn’t feeling it at this point. We needed to haul ass to save him and I didn’t waste time moving along.

“Hello?”

“Dad.” I greeted with a nervous smile just as I got behind cover again.

“Garrus?! Is that you? What’s that noise?” Dad demanded.

“Just a little target practice.” I assured him as I reloaded.

“Then you can call me back later.” He huffed out.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be able to do that. Too many targets.” I admitted and felt a little defeated by the thought.

Silence. Heavy and uncomfortable. Though the worry in his sub-vocal chords did nothing to make me feel any better. Damn it. This was supposed to be an apology to him. Not me making him feel worried about what was going on.

But no matter. This was what it was. I scoped out a vorcha on the boulevard and got back into cover to reload my shot. This was the only downside to my mistress. She really only had one shot and reloading took some time. But she was a strong lady. My girl. She hadn’t had a break in so many days. I felt bad for her.

“I see.” Dad said.

“I just wanted to hear your voice. Wanted to know how retirement was treating you. You good?” I asked conversationally.

“I’m fine. Forget about that.” He growled back at me.

‘Perspective, big guy,’ Mika would have said. I was putting off what I wanted to say because this was difficult to talk about. But I just needed to let him know that the big fight we had didn’t matter. I was stubborn, but not stubborn enough to not apologize for it. I said things I regretted. I needed to let him know that I remembered what he had told me.

Most importantly, I needed to hear his voice one last time before I died.

“Listen, I don’t have a lot of time. I wanted to say… you were right about things. A lot more than I gave you credit for. And I’m sorry we butted heads so much.” I apologized and scoped out the bridge.

“I said, forget about that. These targets you’re practicing on… they’re moving fast?” He asked.

“So far, not fast enough. But they’re learning.” I admitted.

“How are your thermal clips?” He wondered.

“Well, you know how it is. Could always use a couple more.” I answered and cast a glance at my remaining five thermal clips.

“Work with what you’ve got, then. You don’t stop pulling that trigger until it clicks, son.” Dad ordered.

He was trying to help me out. Keep me focused so I could make it out alive. If he only knew how useless it was… I had the advantage but I was cornered. Six shots before I would be taken out. Death never scared me. It was a natural part of life. But this felt so wrong. I would die because of a man that I thought I could trust sold us out.

Her smell came to me just then. A small hit of that sweet scent that I loved. Vanilla, she once told me it was called. I smiled to myself as I took down another one of the vorcha on the bridge. Even so close to death, I was granted with the comfort of something so familiar. Did this mean that I have proved myself? Would she guide me over as my Valkyrie? Had I made my case to spend the afterlife with her?

“No matter how bad things are falling apart around you, as long as you have at least one bullet left, you can still get the job done. Understand?” Dad added a little more desperately.

The scent got stronger and it was accompanied with a female voice asking about Archangel. I couldn’t hear any details of what she said, but sounded just like her. Spirits. I wasn’t sure if it was the longing or shock that made me shiver. Really? Hearing things now, Garrus? I had only been taking regular stims, right?

Hey, big guy.

Yeah, I was pretty sure those were only stims. Hearing her voice in my head again, too, huh? Though I had been going for a few days now. Stims kept you awake for so long, but your brain needed the rest sleep provided to function properly. That went for all organics and I hadn’t slept in at least three days. I think. Time was mostly a concept that didn’t matter anymore.

I looked over the perch. The scent and voice was too interesting to keep me away and I had to know who it belonged to. I saw three new faces as they worked their way across the boulevard, and they did not look like the useless ones that the Blue Suns got from Omega. The old man was a merc, that much was obvious. One of the females were in a white skin-tight armor. Spirits. Humans and their good for nothing light armor. She had a strong biotic barrier, though. That would help her out.

The last one made me stop breathing as I kept watching her cross the boulevard.

Black armor, medium. I couldn’t place her armor but it looked awfully familiar. Had it been in a camo print, then I would be sure that it was Armax. I could spot a rifle, a heavy pistol and a combat knife. She looked determined towards the path in front of her where the gunship was being fixed, but still my heart stopped beating. This looked an awfully lot like her.

Damn it, what the fuck were in those stims?

“You finish up what you have to do there, and then you come on home to Palaven. We have a lot to sort out.” Dad said and it sounded like he was at the point of begging.

But I couldn’t answer dad right now just due to the fact that I thought I had just seen a ghost. Nah, it was probably only the exhaustion setting in. What I saw was just in my mind. What I wanted to see. Right? Humans didn’t come back from the dead, right?

“I think you work too hard.”

The female voice sounded an awful lot like her now, only it was low and menacing and cold. Not long after that, the scent of blood hit the area. Batarian blood. Sergeant Cathka, I believed it had said. He was the one who fixed the gunship. Sabotage?

I looked over the perch again and saw her come back to join that woman and the old merc at the edge of the bridge. Her hair was longer than I remembered it being and it was shaved on one side. A familiar scar was on her forehead over her right brow. But there were other scars on her face, too. Glowing. Red. What the fuck was that?

Her eyes moved up to look at me and that’s when my breathing kickstarted again. It was a hopeful and a little knowing look. Those blue eyes. The galaxy on her face. Fuck, this was her! How in the world was this possible?! The breaths that came out of me were hard. Damn it, it almost gave me a heart-attack but the will to live and the hope I felt overtook it quickly. I needed to know what was going on.

“Yeah, we do. Thanks, dad. For everything. I have to go now.” I said.

“Garrus, don’t-”

But I hung up before anything else was said. My Valkyrie was here but not to take me to the other side. She was here in the flesh. How was she her? She didn’t die after all? It really didn’t matter, did it? What mattered was that this was the second chance that none ever got.

I was going to make sure I survived this and make sure no time was ever wasted again.

“Archangel doesn’t have much time left.” Miranda pointed out.

“Then what the hell are we waiting for?” Zaeed answered with a grin.

The attack was announced and we jumped the barricade. I saw that Garrus dropped a merc to my right and felt him trail his scope on me. I looked up hopefully. He was still too far away for me to be sure but who the fuck could it be if it wasn’t him? Everything fit. But right now it was time for me to show off, so I cracked my knuckles and gave a smug smile to myself.

“Come on. Let’s give these guys a surprise of our own.” I said sadistically.

I brought my Viper out while ordering Miranda and Zaeed to open fire, before I started dropping mercs myself. I was almost completely sure this was Garrus so killing these fuckers off felt a lot better than expected. None would lay a single finger on him. If anyone dared, they would get blasted off to fucking oblivion in one way, shape or form.

Suddenly I was almost knocked to the ground by a bullet to my right shoulder. My shields dropped immediately as they took the hit but I was able to stay on my feet. The fuck was this? Had he really shot me with a concussive round? Why? Hurry me over to him, maybe? That made me smile and it also made me realize that he recognized me.

Determined to tease him back, I aimed my Viper slowly towards him with a playful smile and shot the cover just below him, making sure to fire only when he was out of harm’s way. Miranda and Zaeed had already cleared out the rest of the mercs on the bridge for me and I decided to hurry over.

Before he could check my location again, I went straight into cloak and got behind his line of sight. The infiltration team of five people had seen our display and were firing at Miranda and Zaeed. Since I was in cloak, I had the advantage here. I swapped my Viper for my M-3 and placed a headshot in every one of them, killing them instantly and emptying my clip.

He was safe, for now, and it was my time to finally meet him. Concussive round. It wasn’t uncommon at all, but that was his thing. He even shot me with it. I walked up the stairs behind him and saw him kneeling behind cover. Stims and empty clips surrounded him. He’d been fighting here for a while, and I could only imagine how tired he actually was.

As I walked up behind him, I took a good look at him. He was in full heavy armor, like any good turian would be. It was black and blue, and his matching helmet completely covered his face. C-Sec armor. In his hands was a Mantis and it was in a fucking custom blue color that matched his clan markings.

This really was Garrus and I immediately felt warm tears running down my cheeks. My heart was also thundering.

He must have heard my breath faltering, because Garrus held up a finger to me in response. I knew it as the famous ‘shut up’ sign from the turian military, and I did just that while chuckling to myself. He scoped out what had to be the last merc hiding on the bridge and shot him right in the head. I let a smile creep up my face as it happened. We would have lots to talk about indeed, if I could get him to join me.

Garrus stood up from his cover, and I let my eyes roam over his body. He was just as tall as I remembered him being and he had filled out a little. He was even more massive if that even was possible. He looked intimidating as fuck. He had broad shoulders and a broad chest, a wider waist than the common turian would have and strong legs. As he noticed me checking him out, he cocked his head to the side and placed his rifle along the cover he’d been hiding behind.

He sat down in front of me and perched his feet up, placing me between his legs. I took a step towards him, now standing right in front of him. I shook my head slightly at him as I started smiling. He cocked his head once again before he finally took his helmet off.

His clan-markings were from Cipritine, the color the same as his Mantis. They still reminded me of a bird flying proudly in the sky and they were still the most beautiful ones I had ever seen. His eyes were still a piercing blue and the left one was still covered by his visor.

“Holy fuck…” I whispered in both shock and happiness.

“Mika… I thought you were dead.” Garrus said with a smile.

My breath caught in my throat as I stood there staring at him for a moment. “Garrus.”

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. His earthy scent filled me up as I finally had my best friend in my arms again. I felt his arms wrap around me as well as he inhaled deeply and let his exhale pass my right ear. I didn’t want to let go, and it felt like he didn’t want to either. The whole man vibrated as he purred happily like a big cat. I could only let out a breathy laugh as the vibrations coursed through my body. It still felt so good.

“Ahem... Commander?” Miranda said behind me trying to break us up.

“Go cover the stairs, Miranda. Zaeed, you can cover the bridge.” I said while still hugging Garrus and they listened to me.

We broke the embrace after a few more seconds and I fell to my knees in front of him while letting out a huge breath in relief. I felt so relieved to see that he was alive. Relieved that we managed to get to him in time before it was too late. Garrus chuckled at me and lifted my chin up, so we looked at each other again.

“Let me look at you.” I said.

I cupped his face in my hands and took a good look up at him. He’d matured over the past two years. Not only was his body even bigger, but his face also seemed more grown up. More adult and I wasn’t sure how I would describe the difference. Still as hot as ever, of course. I could also see that he was exhausted, which made me wonder how long he’d actually been here. There were a lot of stims scattered around him and I figured he’d at least been here for at least a couple of days.

“What are you doing here?” I asked worried as I let him go.

Garrus sat up straighter and gave me a weak smile. “Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice.”

He lost his balance and almost fell forward. I caught him from below before he managed to balance himself on his knees. This was no time to act like a tough guy. This was me, for fuck’s sake.

“Are you okay?” I asked feeling more worried.

He sighed and decided to cut his tough act. “Been better. It sure is good to see you again. Killing mercs is hard work, especially on my own.”

“Why Omega?” I asked curiously to see if I had been right.

“I got fed up with all the bureaucratic crap on the Citadel. Figured I could do more good on my own. At least it’s not hard to find criminals here. All I had to do, was point my gun and shoot.” Garrus answered and I suppressed a laugh while shaking my head at the statement.

“How exactly did you manage to piss off every major merc organization in the Terminus Systems?” I asked while cocking an eyebrow at him.

“It wasn’t easy. I reeeally had to work at it. I am amazed that they teamed up to fight me. They must really hate me.” He answered sarcastically and holy fuck, I’d missed his joking and sarcasm.

“So, when did you start calling yourself Archangel?” I asked.

I didn’t know if he even knew what an archangel was but it fit what he was doing perfectly. He must have if he went by the name. But he looked slightly embarrassed as I asked and I wondered why.

“It’s just a name the locals gave me, for all my good deeds. I don’t mind it, but please… it’s, uh, just ‘Garrus’ to you.” He answered embarrassed.

His modesty was a little disappointing and I think he recognized it my face. Something told me that it was a name he had given himself and I didn’t mind that. It was a good nickname. Reckless work? Sure. The right reasons? Yes. But I decided to let it go for now. I wanted to berate him for fun as I started rubbed my shoulder where I’d been hit.

“By the way, you nailed me good there.” I said while smiling.

“Concussive round only. No harm done. Didn’t want the mercs getting suspicious.” He answered a little defensively.

“Uh-huh” I answered giving him a smirk.

He was probably too tired to realize I was not being serious with him at all. I didn’t know why he’d shot me. Maybe he didn’t believe it was me at first and needed to double check? Last he’d heard, I was dead. I suspected it was to move my ass, though.

“If I wanted to do more then take you shields down, I’d have done it.” Garrus answered.

All right. Not in the mood for jokes and I could respect that. He had been on his own for a few days and I wouldn’t be the one to add pressure to that now. The man needed sleep and to get the fuck out of here alive. I nodded and decided to let it go.

“Besides, you were taking your sweet time. Needed to get you moving.” He then said and gave me a smirk.

I smiled back to him and I honestly couldn’t stop smiling. He was the one person I was desperate to find and now he finally was right in front of me. My best friend. Here! Who would have thought that would happen?

“Well, we got here. But I have a feeling getting out won’t be as easy.” I said with a sigh as I walked over to the perch and looked over the bridge.

Garrus stood up and placed himself right next to me. “No, it won’t. That bridge has saved my life. It funnels all those witless idiots into scope. It does work both ways, though. They’ll slaughter us if we try to get out that way.”

I loved being near him and I wondered if we could pick back up and explore our feelings for each other. Had he read my sappy e-mail? I wanted to ask but this wasn’t the proper moment for that. I still moved a little closer to him. He must have noticed, because he cocked a brow plate at me. He didn’t move away, though. I guess that was good news.

“So we just sit here and wait for them to take us out?” Miranda asked behind us shocked.

“It’s not all that bad. This place has held them off so far. And with the three of you… I suggest we hold this location, wait for a crack in their defenses, and take our chances. It’s not a perfect plan, but it’s a plan.” He answered while walking along his cover.

With his last sentence he looked at me for my feedback. Yeah. Perfect plan. It was actually the only plan we could have right now. We were cornered and needed to wait for that crack to escape. I nodded in agreement to him before I got worried.

“How did you manage to get yourself into this position?” I asked worried.

Being this reckless wasn’t Garrus’ style. He didn’t like red tape and was outspoken about bad orders, but getting himself into this kind of mess? That wasn’t the Garrus I knew at all. He was careful. I mean, he had been untraceable for two years. What the fuck happened?

“My feelings got in the way of my better judgement. It’s a long story. I’ll make you a deal: You get me out of here alive, and I’ll tell you the whole damn thing.” He offered up.

I smiled up at him. “Deal. If we fight as a team, we’ll hold them off.”

“Just like old times.” He answered and smiled back down at me.

He then went up to scope the area and I thought about what he had said. Just like old times. Those old times had been only a month ago from my perspective. It had been two years for him. That was still so incredibly weird to think about for me. I struggled, because we were at two different points in time, in a way.

I still very much was in that same position as I had been in before I died, feelings and all. I vividly remembered us making out on his bed. That happened no more than a small month ago for me. It was strange that it had been two years since it actually happened. It meant that I was in a weird position. Why I was so sure that the team I had on the original Normandy would come to my aid.

Of course they wouldn’t. They had their own shit to deal with. But I could think about that later when we were out of danger. This was the time to take these fucking assholes out.

“Let’s see what they’re up to…” He said and walked in front of me.

I followed him and took a shameless look at his ass, and felt heat rise to my cheeks. Damn, the man was still as hot as I remembered. Even hotter now, if that was somehow possible. But this wasn’t the time to stare at his ass. I needed to concentrate to better our chances of coming out of this one alive and staring at his ass didn’t help me do that. Garrus took out his Mantis and scoped out the other side of the bridge.

“Hmm… looks like they know their infiltration team failed. Here, take a look. Scouts. Eclipse, I think.” He said and handed me his Mantis.

I’d used the Mantis in my earlier days with the Alliance, so I knew it well. It felt like a weaker M-98 Widow but packed a punch as long as you knew where to place your shots. But this was his Mantis. He never handed it out freely to others and I was touched by the trust he placed in me by letting me use it. We had lubed it together on the SR1 but this was different.

But I took it and scoped the other side for myself. These were Eclipse and they were sending out their LOKI mechs. I quickly got one in his scope and pulled the trigger. Blew its head cleanly off. It exploded and triggered a chain reaction to the other mechs next to it and I chuckled as it happened.

“One less now, though. But that looks like a lot more than just scouts.” I said smugly as I handed his Mantis back to him and heard him chuckle.

“Indeed. We better get ready. I’ll stay up here. I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point. You… well, I guess you’re staying here with me?” He asked.

“Was there ever any doubt about that, big guy? Miranda, Zaeed, we’re covering the top floor. Get down and hold them off below us.” I commanded and they went down to hold the line.

Then the fight was on. The LOKI mechs were easy to get rid of. Garrus’ Mantis and my Viper’s combined headshots made them explode rather quickly.

“Heads up. They’re deploying snipers.” Garrus warned me.

My scope picked up the snipers on the other side. Garrus overloaded their shields, while I finished them off with two headshot. I loved that we could read each other’s minds like that. He was the only one I had that kind of connection with. Some troopers managed to get past our line of sight, but I could hear them being taken out by Miranda and Zaeed quickly. My plan worked. But then we saw Jaroth enter the field after he deployed his heavy mech.

“Damn it. They’re sending out the heavy mech.” Garrus said nervously.

I smirked up at him and chuckled. “Yeah, that problem should take care of itself.”

As more Eclipse started to enter the field, I saw my sabotaging was working perfectly. The mech turned on the Eclipse and helped us get rid of them. As it exploded from friendly fire, it took out a couple of mercs down with it. Garrus chuckled and gave me an impressed look as he watched the chaos of what I’d done unfold. Hell, even I was impressed by that.

The rest of the Eclipse entered the field with Jaroth and it was now only a matter of avoiding their rockets and fire. Garrus focused on Jaroth while I focused on the rest of the Eclipse. I let him take Jaroth out on his own and a well-placed headshot did the trick. He took a deep breath while slowly popping the heat sink. I knew that look. That felt good.

“You’re kicking ass, softy. We even got Jaroth in the process. I’ve been hunting that little bastard for months.” He said sounding both relieved and excited.

“Why were you after him?” I asked.

“He’s been shipping tainted eezo all over Citadel space. Half the goods I seized back at C-Sec came from his team here on Omega. I took out a big shipment a while back and killed his top lieutenant in the process. Not surprised he decided to work with the other mercs after that.” He answered while fidgeting.

“That was the case you were working on.” I said quietly to myself.

Garrus gave me a puzzled expression back. Right. Time perspective again. This would be awkward and weird to explain to him. I looked up at him and gave him a smile.

“The last time we saw each other you told me about a case you were working on. That was the one, wasn’t it?” I clarified.

Garrus averted my gaze for a second and gave me a sad look before he nodded in agreement. I gave him a loving smile back. I wasn’t sure what to say. I should have just shut up about it, but it just forced its way out of my mouth. Miranda and Zaeed joined us just after that.

“Good work, everyone. We still got Blood Pack and Blue Suns left. Think we can make a break for it now?” I asked Garrus.

“Maybe. Let’s see what they’re up to first.” He answered as he took a look at the other side.

This time he only used his visor. I caught myself staring at him while he did that and felt the same heat going back to my cheeks and my heart even started beating a little faster. I needed to stop that. This wasn’t the time to admire him. I could do that later. Hopefully.

“They’ve reinforced the other side heavily… but they’re not coming over that bridge yet. What are they waiting for?” He observed and wondered out loud.

A big boom sounded from around us and the whole building shook slightly. We all looked at each other in confusion. Fuck. That couldn’t be a good sound at all.

“What the hell was that?” Miranda asked out loud.

Garrus got his omni-tool up. “Damn it. They’ve breached the lower level. Well, they had to use their brains eventually. You’d better get down there, Mika. I’ll keep the bridge clear.”

I nodded in agreement. “Sure. Let’s split up two and two.”

I was determined to make sure Garrus came out of this one alive, no matter the cost, but he looked at me a bit apprehensively for that. Like he didn’t like that idea at all.

“You sure? Who knows what you’ll find down there.” He asked worried.

I chuckled. “Worried about my safety, big guy? Zaeed, stay with Garrus. Make sure he stays alive.”

Zaeed nodded back to me. “Roger that, boss.”

“Thanks, softy. You better get going.” Garrus answered in the same worried tone.

“Let’s get going, Miranda.” I said and turned to leave.

We ran down a level and went in through the basement door behind the stairs. After going down a set of stairs, I saw what looked like a shutter right in front of me.

“You see the shutter in front of you? Get to the console and close it before they can get through.” Garrus said through my comm link.

He was obviously tracking my movements, either with his visor, or his omni-tool. But I had my objective and knew what to do. Blood Pack vorcha were starting to make their way up do the shutter. I needed to hurry to not get overrun. I ran up to the shutter and hit the console for it to stay closed.

It needed a couple of seconds before it actually would close and it seemed to be some sort of safety thing. Miranda and I kept firing towards the vorcha, making sure they didn’t dare move from cover. As soon as it closed, I let out a breath and turned my back to it.

“It’s closed.” I said to Garrus.

“There’re two more shutters on either side from where you’re standing. Get them closed fast.” Garrus answered.

I looked around and saw a door to my left and my right. I decided to let psychology do its thing as it so often did anyway and headed to the right one first.

As I opened the door, the area had barricades looking like hurdles along an L-shaped corridor. The vorcha were starting to fill the area. Miranda and I took care of them quickly just because vorcha were easy enough to kill. But when I got to the bend in the corridor, I was sprayed down by a flamethrower. My shields took the hit as I jumped back to safety but I felt my left leg get burned.

“Fuck!” I yelled.

“You alright?” Garrus asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry. Just a flamethrower.” I answered.

“Just a flamethrower?” Garrus asked through a chuckle and it made me smile.

“Relax, I’ll take care of it. You just keep that bridge clear, pretty boy.” I assured him.

This pyrotechnician would keep me from going forward. I decided to end him quickly. I went into cloak with my M-3 out and placed a shot in the canister on his back, before I threw myself into cover again. The vorcha panicked before he exploded. Peeking out, the immediate area was clear. I ran to the shutter and closed it, still keeping fire on the vorcha pouring in. It closed after a couple of seconds.

“Second one’s closed.” I announced.

“Just one more shutter. Hurry!” Garrus answered.

Miranda and I jumped the hurdles to backtrack to where we came from. As we were in front of the left door, Zaeed patched into our link.

“Taking some fire, boss. Time to get those damn shutters closed.” He said.

I felt my heart race. We needed to hurry. Garrus had to make it out alive, no matter how hard this would be. I’d happily lose an arm, a leg and maybe even my life if it meant that he would be safe. I had already died once.

We opened the door. On the other side was a big room and the shutter was just at the far side. Vorcha were in front of it, and I saw more coming down the path to the shutter. I had to act fast to get this done right away.

“Miranda, stay here and keep them focused on you. I’ll sneak around them and get that shutter closed.” I said to Miranda.

“Are you insane?!” She howled at me.

“Yeah, I guess I am. But Garrus is worth it.” I answered confidently.

I went straight into cloak and rolled out of cover. Miranda kept the fire on her while I ran up to the shutter and closed it. Right after I closed it, I took out my M-3 just as I decloaked and emptied my round into the vorcha’s heads. It luckily killed them on the spot. Luckily this shutter also didn’t need any time to close. As I turned around to ready myself at the enemies coming down the hall, I was surprised to see it closed right away.

“It’s done.” I said while releasing a breath.

“Nicely done.” Garrus said.

We started to jog back to his location. Just as we reached the first shutter I’d closed my comms activated again.

“Shit, get back here, Mika. They’re coming in through the doors.” Garrus said and sounded a little panicked.

That meant we started to haul ass. Miranda and I ran back into the room below Garrus’ location just as we saw Garm enter. There he fucking was. The man that had fought with Garrus before and had to call for backup to survive the fight.

“Watch my back! I’ll deal with Archangel!” Garm sneered while giving Garrus a deadly stare.

I shot a vorcha standing next to him in the head and gave Garm a deadly stare back. If he laid a single finger on Garrus then I would make sure that he paid dearly for that. I hoped my eyes promised him this as I stared at him. He narrowed his eyes at me before going upstairs.

There were a couple of varren and a lot of vorcha in the room with us. I got my Viper out and killed the varren first. They would keep us in place for this fight, and we didn’t have time for that. I popped the heat sink, before scoping and dropping vorcha like a mad woman.

“Garm’s got us pinned down here, Mika.” Garrus said nervously.

“Miranda, can you take care of the rest on your own?” I asked her and she nodded to confirm that she would.

“On my way. You’re not dying today, big guy.” I said to Garrus.

I went into cloak and snuck up the stairs. You bet your fucking ass I would make sure that fucker died today. Luckily he was the only one up here. His barrier was down and his armor was almost destroyed.

“Mind giving me a concussive shot?” I asked with a smile on my face.

Garrus loaded up a concussive shot and fired at Garm. His armor broke and he fell down on his back. I decloaked, took out my Viper and strolled up slowly to him. A close range shot with a sniper rifle was an ugly sight. It usually meant that there would be a lot less face when you were done. But this bastard deserved it for trying to kill Garrus.

I placed my boot to his chest and pinned him down firmly. I even smiled and savored the horror in his eyes, before I pointed the rifle at his head and pulled the trigger. His face exploded in a small but brilliant orange gory mess as he immediately died. I rolled my neck and holstered the Viper to my back again.

Fuck, this would have felt a lot better with my Black Widow. But my mistress was gone forever. Garrus gave me an impressed smile as an excited trill escaped him, while Zaeed stood there laughing in joy at my display.

“And that’s the Blood Pack dealt with.” I said looking at Garrus and Zaeed.

Miranda had caught up with us and gasped in horror at Garm’s splattered head. She then looked at me with the same look in her eyes. I shrugged to her and decided to ignore it completely. This wasn’t the time to talk about it anyways.

“Tough bastards, but I’ve seen worse. Taking out Garm and his Blood Pack… this day just gets better and better. He was one tough son of a bitch.” Garrus said starting with a smile and ending with a sneer.

“You’ve fought with him before?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.

“Yeah, we tangled once. Caught him alone. None of his gang to help him. I still couldn’t take him out. I’ve never seen a krogan regen that fast. He’s a freak of nature. He just kept at it until his vorcha showed up. It was close, but I had to let him go. But not this time.” Garrus said while letting out a huge breath.

“Only the Blue Suns are left. I say we take our chances and fight our way out.” I offered up and looked at Garrus for his thoughts.

“I think you’re right. Tarak’s got the toughest group, but nothing we haven’t faced before. Besides, he won’t be expecting to face us head-”

He stopped his sentence as the gunship came flying towards us. It was operational, even after me sabotaging it, but I could see it wouldn’t need much to take it out.

I was suddenly thrown on my back on the ground. Looking up, I was that Garrus had thrown himself on top of me to shield me from the gunfire. He was between my legs, a position I wanted to be in. Not in this setting, though.

“SHEPARD, MORE ENEMIES INCOMING.” I heard Miranda scream.

“Your new friends seem a little helpless without you, Mika. Where in the world did you find them?” Garrus asked teasingly.

“Yeah. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” I answered, agreeing with his statement.

He chuckled at my answer. “Really? The woman I thought to be dead for two years is right in front me right now. Is there really anything more unbelievable than that?”

“SHEPARD, WE NEED SOME HELP HERE.” Miranda screamed again.

I smirked up at Garrus and raised an eyebrow at him. “Tell you what: Dinner and a movie in my cabin tonight. I’ll tell you my story, and you can tell me yours.”

I noticed a little too late that the offer sounded flirty. But it also felt like he liked it because I felt the familiar sound of a purr coming from Garrus after my sentence ended.

“Deal.” He answered while smirking back at me.

I got up to peek over the cover. There were a couple of elite Blue Suns lieutenants there. I recognized Jentha right away. Salkie, too. Salkie had been a nice guy to us and killing him would make me feel a little bad, but he had to go. Miranda and Garrus overloaded everyone’s shields and we took turns placing headshots into them. They quickly died.

“They’re repelling down the side walls.” Garrus said to me after getting some readings from his visor.

“Shit. Stay here. Miranda, Zaeed, to the ground floor with me!” I commanded as I ran towards the stairs.

They’d already started to go up the stairs. The Blue Suns didn’t have that many fighters with them, but they were a lot tougher. Miranda overloaded shields, while Zaeed put them to the ground with his concussive shots. I alternated between throwing headshots and incinerating the mercs as they fell to their backs.

As the last merc fell, I let out a huge breath and walked towards Garrus. It was finally over. They were finally dead and we could leave. Both of us took a deep breath and sighed in relief.

“ARCHANGEL.”

We’d totally forgotten about the gunship and relaxed too soon. Garrus tried to get to safety but his shields got taken out quickly by the guns on the gunship. Then he tried to roll into cover as Tarak fired a missile in Garrus’ direction. But the rocket was quicker and exploded near his face. Then he went immobile. He didn’t move after that.

“GARRUS!” I screamed now in a panicked rage as Tarak continued firing heavily onto us.

This was my worst nightmare coming to life and panic only filled me. My best friend. Found him by fucking chance. And now he was dying in front of me?

“I want that fucking gunship in flames as soon as possible!” I commanded in a panic.

I took out my grenade launcher which held three shots in them. I was in a blind rage. My best friend was not allowed to die from me, especially not now that I’d finally found him. I waited for the fire to let up, before I shot all three shots on the window where Tarak was sitting. I heard him panic, before all grenades exploded, and the ship went crashing down below us and exploded on impact. I was sure Tarak was dead and didn’t feel the need to go down and check.

As soon as the danger was over, I ran over to Garrus and threw myself over him. He wasn’t moving. Fuck, why didn’t he move? He was on his side so I rolled him over to his back and looked at his injuries. His right mandible was almost ripped off from the explosion and he had serious burns on the right side of his face and neck. I couldn’t see him breathe. I took his hand and brought it to my face hugging it.

“Please don’t die.” I begged softly as tears started running down my face.

I heard Miranda call in the shuttle. Zaeed didn’t bother me with any snarky comments. They both gave me the respect and space I needed, as I had made it clear with my behavior that Garrus was important to me.

Garrus still didn’t move as I pleaded with him. He laid motionless on the floor. I managed to whisper out a ‘fuck’ as the pain overtook me. It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on. My best friend. Dead. This was the deepest pain I’d ever felt for a long time. I gripped his hand tight and placed it to my chest as I cried silently.

“Garrus…” I whispered between sobs, pleading with him one last time.

A deep gasp came from him as he opened his eyes.

My eyes flared up in a panic and a small hope grew inside me. Maybe all wasn’t lost after all. A spectacular pool of cobalt blue blood started trickling out from his neck. I laid pressure on it quickly to try and control the bleeding.

“Garrus! Hold on, big guy. I’m getting you out of here. Chakwas is going to patch you right up. Do you hear me? Hold on!” I said to him.

My breathing was hard with the panic I was feeling. I kept the pressure on as I yelled for Miranda.

“Miranda! Radio the Normandy! I need Mordin and Karin ready for us!” I said before I looked back down at Garrus.

Damn it, why didn’t I know anything about turian physiology? The only thing I knew, which was common amongst all species, was to apply pressure to stop bleeding. Zaeed decided to run over to us and was helping me to do just that. His grip was more well-placed than mine, as the bleeding slowed down considerably. Garrus eyes fluttered around my face. I could see them start getting unfocused.

“Damn it, Garrus. Don’t you dare close your eyes. That’s an order!” I commanded as tears kept running down my face again.

He lifted up his right hand and caressed my cheek, like he was trying to wipe away my tears. I swallowed hard, placed my hand on top of his and leaned into his touch.

“Come on, big guy. Keep breathing. Don’t you dare leave me. Not now.” I tried to command, but it sounded more like another plea.

Garrus’ eyes become more and more unfocused as his hand dropped from my face and onto his side. Fuck, he was losing consciousness. But I needed him to stay awake. And that fucking shuttle was taking a hell of a long time to get here, even if it had been called in a second ago.

“Garrus, please… just keep your eyes open… don’t leave me now...” I pleaded with him for one last time and then I saw him lose consciousness all together.

Chapter Text

The shuttle came in a lot quicker than it felt like it did.

I didn’t want to leave Garrus’ side even though I knew I had to. He was almost bleeding out and was close to dying. The shuttle came in just a few seconds after he passed out. Karin and Mordin were ready at the shuttle, just like I hoped they would be. That calmed me down a little. Jacob was there, too. Why? I had no idea. It didn’t really matter either.

“We’re losing him!” Karin suddenly said stressed.

That pushed me over the edge. My best friend couldn’t die. I would never let that happen. I was about to run up to do something. Anything. Just something so I felt like I was helping him. But Karin saw that and shot Jacob a look.

Jacob understood right away. I felt him grab and restrain me, effectively pinning me against his body. The asshole was here to keep me away from Garrus? But I just wanted to help and make sure he would live! Jacob held me back as I continued to yell threats to Garrus about staying alive. He couldn’t leave me. Not now. Not when I finally had found him again.

I was frantic. I bet I looked like a crazy person. And I really didn’t care at all.

Mordin and Karin ran around Garrus and they did eventually stop the bleeding. Mordin had some extra blood Garrus could be administered on the Normandy. Both him and Karin ignored me, while I struggled against the restraint and pleaded with them to let me come with them to help out. They wouldn’t listen to me. Not even when I pulled my Commander-card on them.

We arrived at the Normandy a couple of minutes later. Karin gave Jacob another look, and I felt him nod at it. He held me back even harder as they rushed Garrus to the med-bay. I tried my very best to wriggle free but couldn’t. Jacob was incredibly strong but I wanted to follow. I didn’t really want to want to hurt him but seeing Garrus being rushed away made me suddenly very able to do it anyway.

As I couldn’t wriggle free, I stomped hard on Jacob’s right foot to try to make him loosen his grip. He cried out in pain and cursed underneath his breath, but his grip didn’t let up. Not even a fucking inch. I watched as the elevator closed with them inside it. As soon as Jacob also saw the same, the asshole finally let me go.

I ran as fast as I could to the elevator. I continuously pushed the button to call it down as I stood there in a panic. EDI didn’t even give me any snarky replies for it. I would have lost it if she tried that now. As I waited, I cupped my own face to try and calm down, but it didn’t help. Why the fuck was this thing so incredibly slow?

The elevator came and I quickly pressed the third-floor button. The elevator was slow just going up one level. One level. And it was still so incredibly slow that it felt like it took an hour for it to reach the top. It felt wonderous to think that this was my fastest and only way to get to the med-bay. When the door opened I was greeted by Kelly.

“Commander...” She started in a shocked tone.

“Not now, Kelly.” I said, pushed her out of the way and walked determined to the med-bay.

Karin had locked the door and the curtains were pulled down. I couldn’t even be with him in there? Why not?!

My brain suddenly kicked in and the word ‘allergies’ came into my mind. Right. I wasn’t allergic to him, which meant that he would be able to help out with my surgery. But he was allergic to me and I wasn’t a medical professional. Mordin and Karin were both levo, but they were doctors. They had the necessary knowledge to make sure this was safe.

The last thing I wanted was to have him die from me interfering with his surgery. But that didn’t mean that I wouldn’t wait until it was safe to go stay with him. So I stood outside with my arms crossed over my chest. I would stand there and wait for as long as it took.

No updates came for the time I stood here. I had no idea how long I’d been there. I only kept staring at the door and time seemed to pass by so slowly. My heart had been racing ever since I’d been here. I finally found my best friend and now he was at the point of dying. I couldn’t bear the thought. He needed to live, no matter what the cost would be.

“How long has she been there?” I heard Miranda whispered to Kelly.

“Ever since he came up.” She whispered worried back to Miranda.

Fuck their worry and fuck their sympathy. What only mattered was that the man inside that med-bay survived. But I still heard the familiar sounds of heels hitting hard flooring and knew it had to be Miranda that had walked up slowly behind me.

“Commander, I understand this is hard for you, but you should get up to your cabin and take a shower. You have his blood all over you.” She said as softly as she could.

I didn’t care if his blood was over me. What did she mean by that, anyway? It was blue, so it was disgusting to look at? Fuck her, fuck Cerberus, and fuck their human-centric ways.

“What does that mean, Miranda? It’s blue and therefore it’s disgusting to look at?” I angrily asked her.

“N-no, Commander! I just-” She started to say.

“You just what? Well, I’m just standing here and waiting to hear if my very best friend is alive or dead.” I angrily answered her.

Tears were stinging my eyes from the rage. I knew deep down that this wasn’t Miranda’s fault and that I was acting like an idiot, but right now she was the only outlet to my rage and frustration. Who cared anyway? She didn’t like me. Still didn’t make it okay but in that moment, I didn’t care. Besides, I could feel bad about being unfair later when I calmed down.

“Commander, you really should-” Jacob said.

“Shut the fuck up, Jacob.” I cut him off flatly.

I was not in the mood for sympathy and not in the mood for people telling me what to do. Least of all Jacob and especially not since he had restrained me. I was going to snap if they didn’t let up soon.

A familiar voice then reached me. “Shepard, how are you doing?”

I turned around and saw Joker looking at me with a small smile on his face. “And why the fuck are you here?”

“Hey, it’s not my fault they built bathrooms on the third floor.” Joker retorted.

He limped right next to me and laid an arm around me. My breathing became heavier at the gesture as I started to crack under the pressure. I composed myself just enough to not break down right there and then. I brought my hands up to my temples, massaged them and probably smeared more of Garrus’ blood on my face.

“I found him. Chance meeting. My best friend. I finally found him, and he almost died. He can’t die.” I simply said.

He nodded in understanding. “Shepard, I know this is difficult. I know how much Garrus means to you. Hell, you even sank so low that you watched Alien with him without me.”

He was trying to make me laugh and it almost worked. I let out a breathy sigh in response and felt some of my anger fade. Being angry at Joker was almost impossible, anyway. Almost.

He continued talking. “But think about Garrus. Do you honestly think he wants to see you covered in his own blood when he wakes up? How do you think that’s going to make him feel?”

Yes, how would Garrus feel if he saw me like this? Not very good, probably. I understood what he was saying. Deep down I also knew that he was right. Did it really look that bad? Was it so bad that I basically looked like an asari now? The thing was that I didn’t want to leave. I struggled with leaving. My feet were glued to the floor.

“Go up to your loft and take a shower. At least rinse his blood off you. Change into some comfy clothes, while you’re at it. It can’t feel good to stand here in full armor.” Joker added.

I was calmer now. I did agree with everything Joker had said because it made sense. For always saying that he didn’t know what to say when we talked about difficult subjects half the time, he was making the most sense out of the three that had approached me. He knew exactly how to talk to me to calm me down. But leaving meant that I had to trust people to hand me information. And what if he woke up and I wasn’t there? What kind of a friend would I be if that happened?

“And I bet Jacob will update you if anything changes while you’re up there.” Joker said while glancing at Jacob.

“Of course.” Jacob said confidently.

“Fine.” I answered defeatedly.

Joker let me go as I marched quickly into the elevator. Pressing the button to my cabin, I watched as the elevator door closed. The ride up felt slow. Why was the elevator on this ship so slow? Wasn’t this supposed to be an upgrade from the original Normandy?

As soon as I got out, I went to my dresser and took out a hoodie and a pair of jeans, along with some clean underwear. I walked into the shower and forced myself to take a look in the mirror to see if it was as bad as they said it was.

I gasped at the sight. I wasn’t an asari yet but it was close. I had cobalt blue streaks and splatter all over my face and in my hair.

I suddenly felt very bad for being so selfish. Garrus would indeed not feel very good if he saw me like this. So I got undressed and went under the shower. Looking down at the water running down the drain, it was mixing with the striking cobalt blue color of Garrus’ blood. It was an incredibly beautiful color but it definitely looked better being inside his veins.

At that moment I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I sank down to my knees and cried for a few minutes. I sobbed to try and let all my frustration and stress out. It didn’t make me feel better but it let me think more clearly. After calming down, I soaped up, rinsed off and stepped out of the shower. 15 minutes had gone by when EDI chimed in.

Mika, Jacob wants to see you in the comm room.

I sighed. “Tell him I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

Very well, Mika.

I dried off fast and put my clothes on. I started to wonder what Jacob wanted to talk about. Had he gotten an update about Garrus already? The guilt over how I had acted towards him and Miranda now started to surface, like I knew it would. They hadn’t done or said anything wrong. I stomped on his foot and yelled at her for no reason at all. What a mess I was.

I’d acted like a child and I didn’t want to be like that. After looking at the time, I saw that I still had 7 minutes before I had to see Jacob. Settling this right away felt like the right thing to do.

“EDI, can you call Miranda up to my cabin? Preferably right now?” I asked.

Of course, Mika. She’ll be there right away.

EDI wasn’t lying. After a minute she knocked on my door and I let her in. She looked extremely nervous, which made my guilt even stronger. I smiled sheepishly at her.

“I’m sorry about how I acted towards you today. You didn’t deserve that at all. You didn’t say anything wrong. Garrus was on my team taking down Saren and Sovereign. We’ve been very good friends for a long time. It’s extremely difficult not knowing if he’ll survive or not but that doesn’t make it okay to lash out at people like I did today. I’m sorry.” I said honestly to her.

She looked at me slightly shocked and gave me her most perfect smile back. “Thank you, Commander. I appreciate that. I’m sure he’ll be alright. If he wouldn’t be, you would have heard about it within the first two hours.”

The voice of reason came through her logical answer. She was trying to be rational and offer me up a solution. Not necessarily what I needed but I appreciated her effort, at least.

“You’re right. I’ve got to meet Jacob now. Let’s go down together.” I answered with a smile.

We rode the elevator together down to the second floor in silence. I got out and watched as Miranda pushed the button for her office on the third floor. As I entered the comm room, I saw Jacob looking more nervous than ever. Guilt immediately rushed over me and I gave him an apologizing look.

“I’m so sorry for the way I acted today. You didn’t deserve to have me both stomp on your foot or be talked to like that.” I wasn’t really able to say more, as Jacob continued for me.

“I understand, Shepard. You obviously care a lot about Garrus. Seeing your friend like that, not knowing what’s going to happen, will drive anyone crazy. Thank you, though.” He said and saluted me.

I managed to chuckle as he did it but I still very much didn’t like being so incredibly formal all the time. But I guess I couldn’t expect anything different from a former Alliance solider.

I let out a huge breath. “So… have you received any updates on how he’s doing?”

“He’s stable and sedated. Due to his allergies to levo, he’s not allowed any visitors for a while. If I remember correctly, he has underwent surgery to repair his arteries. He’s also gotten a couple of blood transfusions. He’ll need another round of surgery to fix the damage to his face.” Jacob explained.

Garrus’ right mandible looked like it had been almost ripped off. I wasn’t sure how they were going to fix that. I knew too little about turian physiology to be able to think of a solution to that myself. I didn’t know where or how muscles were connected. As long as he survived and he would be able to function properly then that was all that mattered.

“This is probably going to take a few days, Shepard. I suggest you try to busy yourself with something else while you wait.” Jacob added.

Finally going by my first name and I liked that. There was hesitation in his voice in that last sentence. He seemed afraid of my reaction and I completely understood why. I did just act like a crazy person towards him. But I nodded, thanked him, and exited the comm room.

What could I do to busy myself for the next few days? My stomach growled and I guess I had the answer to my question there. Dinner seemed to be ready and I took a bowl. After finishing my plate I definitely looked forward to Gardner getting some fresh ingredients to work with. This tasted like nothing at all. Just like rations usually did.

We also needed dextro food and rations now that Garrus was here. I wouldn’t force him to stay here with me and join my mission but I would get him food while we delivered him to wherever he needed to go. We were docked at Omega. While this was a shithole, I bet they did have grocery stores available. I believed I remembered what he used to buy on the original Normandy.

I glanced towards the med-bay and saw the shutters on the windows still were closed. But something was in front of the door this time and I recognized what it was as soon as I looked at it. His Mantis and his armor. Finished with my food anyway, I walked over to his gear.

His C-Sec armor had taken a bad hit. The chest piece was cracked and broken and scorched from the flames of the rocket. I knew Garrus would be heartbroken if it had to be replaced. He really loved his armor. It was a very good one, too. I didn’t know anything about armors, though. Could it be fixed? Maybe I could give it a shot while I went shopping for turian food. Worth a try, right?

His Mantis looked fine but it was in desperate need of some upkeep to be perfect again. It needed to be cleaned and probably also lubed. I remembered how to do it from him showing me on the original Normandy. Where was his assault rifle? We hadn’t had any time to worry about his gear at all, but something told me that he still had stuff in the Kima district. I could go get it. Maybe sneak in, grab his case and sneak back out. Maybe bring his armor and see if I found any repair shops in Omega’s markets.

Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. I would have to wait for things to calm down first, of course. The area would be crawling with mercs looking for him to see if they had taken him down. Could we help that process happen faster? Maybe trick them into believing that Archangel was dead in one way or another?

Maybe Miranda had some ideas on how to do just that? She was a smart woman. Not only was she a good shot and her biotics dangerously powerful for a human, but it also felt like she was the one to talk to if I wanted things done as fast as possible. Would she, though? She was Cerberus. The Illusive Man’s agent. Would she help me help Garrus? Was that too much trust to place on her?

It probably was but I didn’t have a lot of options right now. So I decided to ask and see how it would go. Walking into her room, she met my eyes with a smile. It was a lot softer than it had been for the past days. More… human.

“Commander. What can I do for you?” She asked as I entered.

“I’m here to ask a favor that I don’t know if you even can help me out with. Is there anything we could do to fake Garrus’ death as Archangel? Something so that the mercs stop hunting him and retreat from the Kima district all together?” I asked.

She thought for a few seconds before answering me. “Yes, I could make that happen. Most of the plague victims were burned. The gunship exploded. If I gather a turian body from the morgue that was burned enough for none to recognize it, then this could be enough for them to stop hunting him.”

Like I said, the woman was smart. That was a good plan and I ended up nodding as I thought about it. It felt a little bad of me to do that. Poor man that would be used to fake Garrus’ death. But Garrus was alive and it was important for him to stay that way. So I nodded and smiled thankfully.

“Thanks, Miranda. That would be great.” I thanked her.

Me being thankful for her help seemed to take her by surprise. She smiled back and it was a less perfect one this time. It looked great on her and I hoped I got to see more of those going forward.

“Anytime.” She said.

First thing I did was clean Garrus’ armor so it was free of blood and dirt. Into a case it went so it was ready for me to drop off to a repair shop. Then I went up to my loft and gave his Mantis a deep clean. I worked thoroughly to make sure every single inch of it was perfectly clean. Wouldn’t want any new scratches when I switched over to lubing it.

I had actually switched over to the lube Garrus used and ever since he taught me how to do it properly, I hadn’t been anything but happy. Reverse tight grip and work fast. Just when I was done it looked like I was used to seeing it. It was well-worn and used, but still could pass for being a brand new Mantis. Deciding to stay positive, I let it be here in my room. I would keep it safe and surprise him with the fact that it looked pristine again. I could surprise him when I made him dinner and so I left it on the table by my couch.

Then I went over to my own gear that I had neglected ever since coming back from Omega. My Viper and M-3 got the same treatment Garrus’ Mantis got. My armor took a long time to get clean just because it was drenched with blood. But I took care of my gear and so I spent a long time scrubbing it down to make sure it was left looking pristine again. I even listened to some music and ended up taking another quick shower when I was done.

This was going to take time and I needed to accept that. Jacob suggested that I busied myself. It was going to be difficult to know exactly how I would do just that.

We stayed docked on Omega for some time after that. I wanted to wait to leave, at least until Garrus was back up on his feet and that I knew Miranda’s plan had worked. I helped Aria T’Loak with a few errands. She was very grateful for me handing her the datapad I found on the Kima district.

I even hired myself out as a krogan’s krantt. The Patriarch, he was called. Shopping was on my list and I bought what I remembered Garrus used to buy on the original Normandy along with some rations, just in case. Wanting to make him a better dinner, I got the ingredients I needed to make a steak. Just like the one I made for him on my last shore leave.

While my outlook was positive, I understood that doing something was extremely important to get through it. It helped me push the worry that constantly threatened to overtake me out of my mind. The nights were indeed a lot more difficult, though. I had trouble sleeping with all the anticipation. The nightmares constantly kept going, too. They all consisted of Garrus actually dying from the rocket he took to his face.

I averaged at around three to four hours of sleep every night now and two of them had passed since we saved him. It wasn’t healthy, even I knew that, and I definitely was starting to feel it at this point. But I didn’t know what else I could do.

What I started to do was something I actually had always wanted to do. I had died once and I knew how fast it could happen again. I had time on my hands. Why waste it? So I started to learn the turian language more seriously. What was great about this language was that since turians all over the galaxy were connected to the Hierarchy, they really only had one language. There were different dialects that added flare to it, but every turian within the Hierarchy would understand me when I learned it.

I started with the written form. The language was a little difficult but also very interesting. It looked like swirls to me but they didn’t look random at all. They looked like they made sense. Like there was order to it. What I quickly learned was that they were used as both single letters and made up entire words. That only made it more complicated, but I accepted the challenge none the less.

As I sat there and tried to learn more, EDI notified me that Jacob wanted to see me. He had an update on Garrus. I rushed down, practically running in to the elevator and groaned at the slow ride to the CIC, before I ran into the comm room.

“What’s up?” I said, just as I entered the room.

Jacob jumped a little at my sudden entrance but quickly composed himself. “We’ve done what we can for Garrus, but he took a bad hit. The docs corrected it with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. I called you down to say that but also because he can have visitors now.”

I didn’t wait for him to update me with anymore bullshit since I just got the information I needed. The doors to the comm room couldn’t be opened quicker as I ran to the elevator and took it down to the third floor. The elevator ride itself was irritatingly long. Why was it so long? As the doors opened, I ran up to the doors of the med-bay and paused. I took a deep breath before I opened the door.

Garrus was lying in his undersuit on some sort of stretcher or bed that was way too small for his big frame. I walked up to him and sat on the edge of it. A heavy bandage was wrapped on the right side of his face. I could make out some serious burns that definitely would scar underneath, but it looked a lot better than what it first did. When his blood was pooling out of him and his mandible was almost ripped off. Karin and Mordin had done a fantastic job.

I wanted to say something but it looked like he was sleeping at the moment. He definitely needed it with what he had been through and I wouldn’t be the one to wake him up. But I would still sit with him until he woke up by himself, though. Just like he had done for me after Noveria. Just like old times. A big smile was on my face as I understood he would be fine.

His left hand was quickly placed into mine as I held it lovingly and ran my fingers over it. He was warm to the touch and his skin was just a touch rougher than mine. The color of his skin was still the same tan color I remembered it being. His three fingers still were longer and thicker than mine. Almost double the length and thickness. They still had a certain elegance to them. At the end of each finger were some mean and sharp looking talons.

I started tracing his hand and fingers with my free hand as I held onto him. He was going to be alright and that was all that mattered. I would finally get some sleep without any nightmares connected to them at all. That wasn’t the most important thing but it was the added bonus I needed to be able to keep going with what we were doing.

I continued to fondle his hand for a long time before I felt eyes on me. I looked up and saw him looking at me with tired eyes.

“Don’t stop on my behalf.” Garrus greeted.

“How are you feeling?” I softly asked with a loving smile on my face.

“Alive, I guess. Nobody would give me a mirror, though. How bad is it?” He jokingly asked as he pointed to his damaged side with his free hand.

I chuckled and decided to joke with him. “Hell, Garrus, you were actually always ugly. Just slap some face paint on there, and no one will even notice.”

He knew I thought he was hot but I wasn’t sure if he was in the mood for it now. Luckily he started to laugh, but quicky stopped when the pain his mandibles fluttering was giving him announced itself.

“Ugh, don’t make me laugh. Damn it, my face is barely holding together as it is. Some women do find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are krogan.” He answered with a sly smirk of his own.

I laughed. “Just say the words, big guy. I’ll order the krogan edition of Fornax for you. If that won’t do it, then I guess I could just bring you over to Tuchanka for a little visit.”

He fought to hold down a laugh while shaking his head. Then he turned serious and quiet, like he was going to bring up something uncomfortable. I braced myself and waited for him to speak.

“Frankly, I’m more concerned about you. Cerberus, Mika? Don’t you remember those sick experiments they were doing?” He asked more seriously.

Of course I remembered. I remembered it every single time I looked into the mirror and stared at my freakishly glowing red scars. I remembered it when I felt as strong as I did on the original Normandy without looking like I had any muscles in my body. He saw my expression change as I became deep in thought but he was confused at what it was telling him.

“Yeah. I remember. That’s why I’m glad you’re here. If I’m walking into hell, I want someone I completely trust by my side.” I silently answered.

“You do realize this plan also has me walking into hell too, right?” Garrus answered.

Crap. It just blurted out of me. Of course I wanted him by my side. I trusted him with my life and I knew having him on my side would make this hell we were walking into easier to handle. But I wanted to ask him more politely, not just tell him to join me. I looked at him with a guilty look, but he just smiled back at me.

“Just like old times. Now, tell me, Mika, what happened to you?” He asked.

And just like that he was on my team. No hesitation. No worry. Just ‘yes’ right away like the good man he was. But he was getting a little ahead of himself here. I knew he had just gotten out of surgery, but come on. He remembered our deal, didn’t he?

“Hold your horses there, big guy. We had an agreement, didn’t we? I would tell you about what happened to me, while you would tell me your story… ring any bells?” I asked back while pretending to tell him off.

“That does ring a bell.” He answered.

“So. How long are you stuck in bed for?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Hey, Karin. How long am I here in bed for?” He asked as he looked over to his side.

I furrowed my brows in confusion before I followed his gaze. Karin was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room and had apparently been watching our exchange with a sly little smile on her face. I hadn’t even noticed her when I entered. That was a little embarrassing.

“You’re good to go, Garrus. You’ll have to stay on the ship for 48 hours and take the pain medication I gave you, but you should be fine to go out after that, dear.” Karin answered through her smile.

I rolled my eyes to her before my eyes met Garrus’ again. He wanted to get up already, so I let his hand go and moved away from the bed. As soon as he stood up and looked back at me, I reminded him of our deal.

“Dinner in my cabin tonight?” I asked and received a smile back.

“I wouldn’t miss it. I’ll be in the forward batteries, checking out the ship. Just call me, whenever you’re ready.” He answered and walked out of the room.

Chapter Text

After talking with Miranda I learned that her plan had worked. The mercs had retreated from the Kima district, they believed that Archangel was dead and that meant that it would be safe for me to move in.

I wanted to head back to Omega before my dinner with Garrus and decided to bring Zaeed with me for just that, in case we met some heat along the way. After getting some supplies, we ended up in Afterlife where I went looking for Serrice Ice brandy. It was Karin’s favorite drink and I wanted to thank her for saving Garrus’ life. I heard Zaeed sigh behind me as he understood we were there to shop and not drink. I looked at him with an apologetic smile.

“You know… I can probably handle myself from here, Zaeed.” I said.

Like he had said once before, I was no princess. I had a grenade launcher with me. Very few would feel inclined to fuck with me, unless they wanted to get blasted into oblivion. I bought the brandy and a bottle of Ryncol and handed them over to him.

“Tell you what. If you bring back these supplies to the Normandy, you’re free to stay there while I finish up here. And as a thank you for putting up with the shopping today, you can have this bottle of Ryncol.” I said to Zaeed as I handed him the Ryncol.

Zaeed gave me a thankful look. “Yeah, I’ll get it done, boss. You don’t need me babysitting you, anyway. You’re no princess.”

I stifled a chuckle and we parted ways after that. I wanted to be alone, anyway. Garrus was back on his feet but he only had his undersuit. It showed off his body, so I didn’t mind. But the poor man needed clothes and I wanted to see if I could fix his C-Sec armor. Not done with being on Omega’s markets yet, I wandered around to look for what I hoped I would find.

A curious shop with a quarian working there caught my attention. He had to be the first quarian I’d seen on Omega and he seemed so out of place. After looking through his catalogue, I saw that he had the FBA couplings that Ken and Gabby wanted. After I bought them, I decided to go talk to him.

“Hello there. Might I interest you in some salvaged tech? Every credit goes towards a ticket to get me off this forsaken rock.” He asked.

“What brought a nice kid like you to Omega?” I asked while giving him a friendly smile.

“My Pilgrimage. What money I had got stolen within a few days. So I decided to sell salvaged parts. You can see how that turned out. Harrot’s forcing me to sell high, and I can’t even afford a ticket off this station.” He answered defeated.

“Hm. What if I paid for your ticket for you?” I asked and he froze for a moment.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that. It’s 1000 credits.” He said.

“Well, you didn’t really ask. Here. 1000 credits for the ticket.” I said with a smile while transferring the amount to him.

He lit up at the surprise. “Thank you so much. I wished there was anything I could do for you in return.”

“Well…” I started and took out Garrus’ armor from the case in my hands.

The quarian looked it over curiously and traced his fingers over it. He examined it closely before he looked back at me again. From what Tali told me, I knew quarians liked to fix things rather than replace them and I hoped he would be able to do just that with Garrus’ armor.

“Do you think it can be fixed?” I asked.

“Yes. But the damage at the chest piece isn’t repairable. It’s only cosmetic, though. I can definitely fix it and get it safe again.” He answered and I gave him a smile.

“Thank you so much. How long is it going to take?” I asked him.

“I’ll have it ready by tomorrow. What’s your name? My name is Kenn.” He asked.

“That’s perfect. I’m Shepard. Good to meet you, Kenn. I have to get going, as I’ve got lots of errands to run, but I’ll be back for the armor tomorrow. Thank you so much, again.” I answered with a smile and walked away.

That felt good and it was another check off my list for the errands I had to do today. Garrus loved his C-Sec armor. I really looked forward to seeing the reaction I would get from him as I actually got it fixed rather than replaced. My next stop was the Kima district to see if I could find his stuff that I guessed he had there. Potentially a little risky to do on my own but I could handle myself. I was no princess.

I hired a sky car and went back to where he had been hidden for so long. Seeing Garrus there had shifted my focus completely away from the area and so I took a good look around the place. With the perch in front of me, there were beds to my right. Simple single beds. No décor at all. It was barren, just like his apartment on the Citadel had been. This was different, though. This was a hideout. It still felt a little sad.

I also saw bodies that had been covered up with sheets. I counted ten of them and felt a heavy feeling grow in my stomach. Was this his team that I suspected he had? I wondered what had happened to him. Something had to have gone very wrong. He had said that his feelings had gotten in the way. If that meant that his team had died off…

If he wanted to tell me about it later he could. I wouldn’t force the issue at all because I just knew that this would be uncomfortable for him to talk about. Painful. I bet he even blamed himself and however bad that made me feel and however much I thought that was wrong of him to do, I understood where he came from.

Walking over to the beds, it didn’t take too long to find what I was looking for. There were a couple of turian beds around here but only one had an M-15 Vindicator above it that I recognized. What I also recognized was a picture taken from our time together on the original Normandy by this bed. A warmth spread inside me as I looked at it. I smiled incredibly slyly in that picture and it was taken inside the mako. Was this from me hitting the bumps in the ground too hard?

I picked the picture up along with his M-15. What was missing was some sort of case. He had other stuff, right? He packed light when he came to the original Normandy, but he had stayed here for a long time. There had to be other stuff here.

Looking under his bed, I found a huge bag and this had to be his. Damn, I was curious to see what was inside it. But I wouldn’t do that. No way. This was his personal stuff. I didn’t want to invade his privacy like that. I hoped there were clothes in there, though. I didn’t know his measurements at all so getting clothes for him would be difficult for me.

Having gotten what I came for, I walked back to my sky car with Garrus’ bag, assault rifle and the picture of me, and drove back to Omega’s port. I was more than ready to be off this forsaken rock after I picked up his armor tomorrow.

As I entered the Normandy Joker told me Karin wanted to speak to me in the med-bay. I wondered what this was about. There was only one way for me to find out, so I walked over to the elevator and pushed the button for the third floor. As I stood there and waited, I started humming to myself as I suddenly felt light again. The worry was almost gone since Garrus was alive and well. I really looked forward to talking to him alone and wondered if I would be able to make the steak as well as I did the last time I saw him.

The doors opened and I started walking towards the med-bay. Garrus was in the main battery and I noticed the doors to that room were locked. Why were they locked? Maybe he just wanted some privacy, I decided with a shrug.

“You wanted to see me, Karin?” I said with a smile as I entered the med-bay.

“Yes, dear. We need to talk about Garrus.” Karin answered.

“What’s going on?” I asked and felt slightly nervous at the thought of him being hurt.

“When you sent Zaeed back from Omega, Garrus overheard Miranda telling him off for it. He decided to go and get you.” She explained.

“He what?” I asked and felt frustration building within me.

“The problem is that he’s just out of surgery. I don’t want him leaving for at least 48 hours. The other issue is that I noticed him stumble on his way to the batteries. I don’t think he’s taking his pain medication. The medication is for his own good. He’s in a lot of pain right now. Yet for some reason he doesn’t want to take them. The stumbling comes from the pain, as it’s making him dizzy and nauseous. I locked him in the batteries so he couldn’t leave. I think you should have a serious talk with him, Shepard.” She said.

I felt rage build within me at that point. Why was Garrus acting so incredibly reckless? He was out of surgery today. Did that mean that he didn’t want to be here with me? Didn’t he understand that this would help him? Did he want to be in pain? I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

I nodded at her. “Thank you for stopping him, Karin. I’ll go have a talk with him right now.”

I exited the room and marched to the batteries. He would hear it now, whether he liked it or not. I wasn’t afraid to give him my honest opinion of what I thought about his actions and I was going to lay it on him.

“EDI, please unlock the doors.” I said and saw the light on the door change from red to green.

I took a deep breath before I almost stormed into the main battery. I saw Garrus was lying the bed built into the wall. He raised his head to see who was entering. As he saw it was me, he quickly sat up. And when he did, he cupped his head and groaned, and looked like he was about to throw up. Yeah, that’s what you get for not doing what you’ve been told to do. I marched down to him and stood in front of him.

“Would you mind telling me why the hell you’ve been locked in here?” I demanded.

Garrus looked surprised at me being angry with him but quickly retorted with his own. “Mika, what the hell were you thinking?! Wandering around Omega on your own? Are you crazy? You know how dangerous that place is, right? I was going to look for you. I was worried. Mom locked me in and wouldn’t let me out.”

His tone started out just as angry as me but his anger faded into worry as he explained his actions. My anger didn’t fade, though. Oh no. I was furious at him for acting like an idiot.

“No, really? Could it have something to do with the fact that you only got out of surgery today? If not, maybe the fact that you’re stumbling around the ship? No? Then what about not taking your pain meds?” I growled as I got right in his face and stared him down.

My cheeks were hot and probably red with anger. Garrus studied my face for a few seconds, before he dropped his gaze to his feet like he was ashamed. No retort, so he knew I was right. But his reaction made me immediately feel bad for being so angry with him. I didn’t want to be like that with him. I had made my point so I took a deep breath as my anger started to fade.

“Please don’t push yourself too hard, Garrus. I need you fit for the future. I hate seeing you like this. Now, I want you to take your pain meds, as mom ordered. They will also help with your dizziness. We won’t be out on any missions for at least the next two days either. That will force you to actually relax and recover. That’s all I’m asking: pain meds and relaxation. Please do it for me. And if you don’t, I won’t hesitate to not bring you along for any missions at all.” I said more calmly.

I wanted the threat I gave at the end to be serious but I knew myself well enough. I could never not bring him along. He was my partner in crime, my other half, a mind reader. Of course I would bring him along Garrus seemed to soften at my words. He looked up at me and nodded.

“Yes, Mika.” He answered.

That was all I wanted and I answered him back with a smile. He seemed conflicted about something but I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that his team was dead. Punishment for him having them killed, in his eyes. I hoped he would tell me about it later. He glanced down at my hands, only now realizing I was holding something in them. Something he recognized.

“Is that my assault rifle?” He asked.

I raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. “Finally noticed, Officer? I also have your bag.”

There was a table by the entrance to the batteries that I placed his assault rifle and bag on. I also placed the picture of me on that table. Garrus stumbled after me up to where I was standing and just seemed stunned.

“Is this why you went back to Omega?” He asked stunned.

I gave him a warm smile. “Well, I couldn’t let you have dinner with me in just your undersuit, could I? If we did, then I wouldn’t be able to not smile like I’m doing in that picture right there.”

“I... I don’t know what to say, Mika. Thank you.” He answered sincerely.

“Anything for you, Garrus. I’m gonna go take a shower before I fix us some food. I’ll message you when everything’s ready.” I said and turned to leave.

“Wait.”

I stopped and turned around to look at him. “What is it?”

“Did you open it?” He asked and eyed his bag.

“Your bag? I’ll admit that I’m a curious bastard, but no. I didn’t.” I answered with a small smile.

“Why don’t you?” He offered up.

He wanted me to look inside his bag? I mean… all right. I walked back over to the table and opened it. What I saw was clothes and I looked at him a little confused at first. Was it the N7 hoodie I got him that he wanted me to see? It was good to see that he still used it, but that apparently wasn’t it. He took out some of his clothes and what I saw in the bottom of that bag sent immediate tears down my cheeks.

“I heard they were being auctioned off on the black markets of Omega a couple of weeks after you died. I just didn’t want anyone else getting a hold of them. It just felt so wrong. So I stole them. Don’t know why, but after seeing you with a Viper and an M-3, I’m happy that I did.” He explained next to me.

Black that looked like obsidian glass without being brittle at all met me first. The curve was still as deadly as I remembered it being. And freshly sharpened, too, like he had been taken care of it for me. Next to it was my deadly little side-piece. My little woman on the side. No recoil at all. Still fitted with a silencer and a cranial trauma mod. Colored black because I loved my gear being black. My omni-tool was in here, too.

But they were all overshadowed by the woman of my dreams. Black as night. A thermal scope, a silencer, a high-velocity chamber and a spare shot. Silent and very much deadly, especially in my hands. Well-worn but still looking as brand new as ever. I even recognized the wear and tear exactly where they had been when I last saw them.

Miranda had said that they most likely had been sold on the black markets of Omega. Garrus must have gotten there quickly if the heard about it. He had stolen my weapons and held onto them because he didn’t want anyone else to use them for themselves. More pieces of myself were handed back to me and I felt so thankful.

As badly as I wanted to compose myself and remember that he had just gotten out of surgery and was in pain, I couldn’t. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a big hug.

“Thank you.” I thanked him and added a kiss to his left mandible for good measure.

After I calmed down I strapped my weapons to my body and felt a little more complete as I did. Then I left. I had a shower, some weapon upkeep and some cooking to do before we would talk. Before I went to the elevator, I went back to Karin. I talked to her about Garrus’ pain meds, because I needed to know what would be okay with it. Karin chuckled when I told her that I made him promise me to take them, or I would cut him off from missions.

He had to take them regularly and precisely for the effect to be best. She added that he could also drink alcohol with food, as long as it wasn’t anything too hard. Horosk would be a bad idea. I didn’t have horosk and I wasn’t looking to get him drunk, but I guess that was good to know. I wouldn’t babysit him with his medication, though. I trusted him to do what he was told to do.

I stopped by the armory to lube up my gear there. I could do it in my room. That would be the most comfortable. But a childish part of me wanted to show off the fact that I had my weapons back. Being a connoisseur, like Jacob had said to me, he needed to see what kind of level I liked my weapons to be at. It wasn’t shitty M-3 or Viper level. It was silent and deadly, and consisted of an M-5, a talon and a Black Widow, all in black.

I gave him a satisfied smile as he stared at my weapons in awe while I lubed them up. It turned out that I probably didn’t have to do it, because it seemed like Garrus had been doing it for these past two years. Still did it, though. Having my mistress in my hands felt too good to not do it. I had to let her know that I had missed her.

My shower was the next thing I had to get done and after I did, I wondered what I would wear and if I would put on makeup or not. I caught myself thinking about it, too. Why was I thinking about this like it was a date? This was just a casual setting where we would catch up and tell each other what happened. Besides, two years had passed for him. I didn’t even know if he read my e-mail.

I ended up in a pair of jeans and a tank top, like I didn’t own any other type of clothing. But it was casual while still showing off my body. Casual plus? Whatever. It looked good.

I was prepared to tell Garrus the whole story about what had happened and I hoped he would do the same. Something was up with him. He felt a little withdrawn and not like himself. He also seemed to be a little quick to anger. Something definitely was bothering him and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

I went down to the kitchen and started to cook. I made a light beef stir fry for myself. Garrus hadn’t eaten anything useful for a couple of days, and I seriously doubted he had eaten anything truly nutritious for a while. Protein, calories and something he could chew was what he needed and so I started to work on the same kind of steak dinner I made for him on my shore leave.

Gardner watched me cook with a lot of interest. I added spices and worked on the sauce first while explaining what I was making to him. Not too sure if he actually was interested or if he just thought it looked weird for a human to cook turian food. Didn’t really matter. While I was cooking his food I heard Kelly come up behind me.

“I didn’t know you liked to cook, Shepard. What are you cooking?” She asked curiously.

“I do like to cook. I also like to cook turian food. Dextro rations seems to be… not that good. No offense, Gardner, it’s not your fault. Garrus and I are having dinner together. We’ve been friends for a long time and we haven’t been able to catch up yet. I’m looking forward to talking to him tonight.” I answered her.

“None taken.” Gardner said.

“That’s so sweet of you. How is our turian doing? His injuries look painful.” She carefully wondered.

I decided to give her a sincere and not too elaborate answer. “Yeah. He’s been through a lot, and not just physically.”

She nodded in understanding like it made sense to her. “There’s something about him... I just want to hold him close and tell him everything’s gonna be fine.”

I stopped what I was doing for a second and looked at her. She was into aliens? I guess there were other humans in this galaxy that were. Garrus was incredibly hot, so I understood. I didn’t like the thought of her holding him, though. That was a jealousy I really didn’t have any business feeling just because Garrus and I weren’t a thing. Yet. Hopefully we could be.

“I know exactly what you mean.” I agreed with a smile and went back to my cooking.

“Oh, you two would make such a cute couple! Well, have a great evening, Shepard!” She exclaimed and went back up to her station.

I couldn’t help but stare after her while feeling a little shocked. She said it out loud, too. Fuck, did he hear that? I agreed and thought we would be a cute couple, too. Most importantly, he was my best friend. I was happy with just being there for him and helping him through his troubles, as he’d done for me years ago. I was happy he was alive, and that he was with me again.

There certainly had been an attraction between Garrus and I – at least from my side – and I still felt it. Our fun we’d had in his apartment often was on my mind. That damned e-mail was on my mind, too. Could we ignite anything or would it be hopeless to consider it? It had only been a couple of weeks for me since I last saw him and I saw myself still wanting to pursue him. Or at least ask.

But it had been two years for him. If he had any feelings for me at some point, they had probably died during the time that had passed. Though him keeping a picture of me and taking care of my gear told me that he maybe had thought about it himself. Maybe even longed for it. If that was the case, did he still feel it?

Whatever the case was, I wouldn’t force the issue today. We were going to catch up today and I hoped he would tell me what was bothering him. That was the most important thing right now. His food was also done and smelled so very good. Too bad it still didn’t do anything for me, or I would have made myself this meal. I brought up my omni-tool and started a chat with him.

Dinner’s ready. Meet me by the elevator? – MS

On my way. - GV

I put our plates on a tray and started to walk towards the elevator. Garrus was already almost next to me as I reached it. His strides were easier and he didn’t stumble once. He’d taken his medication and that made me a very happy woman.

He was wearing his casual clothes. The green and blue sweater with gold trimming brought out his tan skin and silvery plates beautifully, like they did the last time I saw him wear it. It made his icy blue eyes pop as well. I smiled at him.

“Hey. You’re looking good. I’m feeling a little underdressed here.” I said with a smile and saw his mandibles flutter a little.

“Thank you. Sorry, did I overdo it?” He asked sheepishly.

“No, not at all. It was just a compliment. You look great. Come on, let’s go up.” I reassured him.

We walked in the elevator and went up to my loft. As I walked down the steps to the table by the couch, I heard him take a curious look around my loft. He even looked impressed as he did it.

“Commander Shepard is moving up in the world, I see. Cerberus is spoiling you with your very own loft.” He said as he walked around.

I smiled to myself as I placed our tray on the table. Next was the wine and damn it. I forgot to buy turian wine while I was out on Omega. But there was a wine cabinet here. After opening it and seeing what was inside, there seemed to be a bottle of turian wine standing right there.

“Damn, you even have your own bathroom.” I heard him call out and I started laughing.

“Yeah, I’m very happy for the bathroom. Though I do think this loft is a little too big for just me. There’s definitely room for one more up here.” I answered.

And I said it without thinking. That could be taken as an offer. He was welcome to stay here with me if he wanted to, though. But it still wasn’t the day to force the issue.

“I forgot to buy turian wine but I think I found a bottle of it here. Let me see if I can impress you with my knowledge here.” I said as Garrus walked over to me.

I recognized the lettering and tried to read what it said to practice what I was trying to learn. But the thing was that I hadn’t been learning for too long yet. This also looked like the lettering each was a word and I wasn’t too confident with the alphabet yet. It was still a little difficult and confusing, but I gave it my best shot.

“Oh no. These are words and not letters. Give me a second… Vinea rubris? Is that right?” I asked and actually got an impressed look.

“That’s close. If I tell you what the correct pronunciation is, you know you’ll just end up hearing it as ‘red wine,’ right?” He answered.

Did it really just mean red wine? Wait, did turians really have a red wine that was just named ‘red wine?’ Direct and straight to the point, but I was hoping for something a little more extravagant or creative.

“What is the correct pronunciation?” I curiously asked.

“Turn your translator off.” He said.

I did and prepared for whatever this would sound like. I hadn’t really heard what turians sounded like without a translator on. Most of what my translator couldn’t pick up due to people being too far away in bars and such just became background noise that I zoned out. I expected screeching or for it to sound very harsh and braced myself for the surprise I would get.

“Vina rubris.”

Wow. It was very strange to listen to what he actually sounded like when he spoke. The tone of his voice was the same. While it was a little harsh, it actually sounded awfully close to what Latin sounded like. Just like turian names usually did, I realized. Damn, I could actually end up learning to speak it if I wanted to. Maybe even to the point where I could turn my translator off around him. In my defense I had been very close. I parroted it back to him and he nodded that I was correct.

I turned my translator back on and got ready for my second surprise. Picking up his Mantis, I held her in my arms and handed her to him.

“I took care of her while you were in the med-bay. She got a deep clean and I lubed her up for you. Tight reverse grip and work fast.” I said with a smile.

After checking her out he gave me a smile. “You didn’t have to do that. Thank you, though.”

We sat down on my couch to eat. As always, he sat a little uncomfortably on the stupid human couch. This was my loft, though. Maybe I would end up changing it out with a turian one. He also noticed the food for the first time and it brought a smile to his face. I got a lot of compliments from him and I was happy I made him a big portion. I felt thankful for it not tasting like shit. We were best friends so I would trust him to tell me if he didn’t like it.

We finished our meals, both satisfied and filled from our food. Garrus leaned back on the couch and stretched out.

“If you keep spoiling me like that, softy, I might have to move in with you here.” He said.

I chuckled. “There’s certainly room for the both of us here. The company would be nice as well.”

I answered it like it was a serious threat even though I knew it was a joke. Because he was so very welcome to stay here with me, if he wanted to. I could feel him watch me but I ignored it. Now was the time to catch up, so with wineglass in hand, I sat cross-legged on my couch and eyed him with a smile.

“I’ve missed this a lot.” I admitted to him.

“Me, too. You cooked me yet another good steak and it was just as good as it was two years ago. I’m surprised you even remember how much I liked it after all this time.” He noted.

That was the thing, wasn’t it? The whole time missing that ended up confusing me a lot and made me stay in a place that everyone else had moved on from. He looked up at me and noticed that my expression had changed. I was tense and looked away from him.

“What’s wrong?” Garrus asked.

“It hasn’t been two years for me. I may have died two years ago, but I only woke up a small week ago. From my point of view, it’s like we last saw each other around two weeks ago.” I said while putting my head down, trying to compose myself.

He gave me a shocked look. “Wait, so you mean you actually…?”

I nodded and took a deep breath to tell what had happened. “Yeah. It happened a week after we left the Citadel for the Amada system. We were in stealth, just monitoring the system for any geth activity. Suddenly, a huge ship flew in next to us. It picked us up, even with stealth systems engaged. The short version is that the Normandy got blown up that day. Luckily, almost everyone survived, I made sure of that. Joker was unwilling to go. I had to physically force him into an escape pod. We were fired on again. The explosion made me lose contact with the flooring, and I started to drift away. Joker was pleading with me to come with him, but I didn’t stand a chance. I hit the emergency release button, so he was saved. Another blast hit me right after, and slammed me into the wall. As I was drifting in space, I heard my suit was leaking. After a few seconds, I died.”

It was weird to talk about my own death like this, but I couldn’t really do it with anyone else. And he wanted to know what had happened and so I gave him the full details of it. I wanted to tell him that I thought about him when I died and that he made it a little easier for me, but I didn’t want to share that thought with Garrus yet. It felt like it would be a little romantic. Maybe I would later, though.

“So you really did die. How bad was it?” He somberly asked.

“Well… I haven’t gotten the complete rundown yet. Jacob, probably a bit hastily, said I was just ‘meat and tubes’ when Cerberus picked me up. I sometimes wonder what part of me really is me. I feel like a freak. I shouldn’t be alive. Those ‘sick experiments’ Cerberus were doing? I guess I’m one of them now.” I answered.

That was the honest truth of what I felt like. I had a lot of cybernetics in me and that part was okay enough. What really bothered me was the thought of how extensive this was. I had been meat and tubes. My skin probably was pretty much destroyed all over me. Cerberus had seen and fondled my whole body. While I had settled on the fact that I was happy to be alive, I still felt like a freak that shouldn’t exist.

“Mika... I’m sorry for saying it that way. Just know that I’m extremely happy about you being alive.” Garrus said sounding guilty and pulled me in for a hug.

I wasn’t angry or hurt by what he’d said at all. Hell, he didn’t even know what’d happened when he said it. But this was a hug that I really wanted and so I sighed and leaned a little closer to him and took a deep breath. His earthy scent filled me, and oh my lord, he smelled so good. I shivered and chuckled involuntarily and hoped he didn’t notice.

“What’s so funny, softy?” He asked.

Damn it.

“Nothing, sorry.” I said sheepishly.

I pulled away from his embrace and felt thoroughly embarrassed. My cheeks were probably a little red, too. Ah, whatever. I could survive that. He looked at me with a puzzled expression but decided to drop it.

“Do you know why they brought you back? Don’t get me wrong. You being alive is the best news I’ve received in a very long time. If they did it just to make the world a better place, then I’m fine with that.” He said and I blushed as my heartrate went up.

Garrus chuckled but I recovered quickly by just talking. “They did have a motive. Human colonies around the Terminus System are being abducted. The weird thing is that there are no clues left behind. Nothing that can tell us why this is happening. We went to Freedom’s Progress right after it got hit, and we found out that the Collectors are behind it. We also think they are working for the Reapers. They use bug-like swarms to pacify people, and then the Collectors come pick them up. For what, we don’t know yet. That’s why there never were any signs. People didn’t have the opportunity to react.

“We actually met Tali on Freedom’s Progress, which was so very welcome. I’m a little sad about her not being able to join us. I miss Tali. I do suspect it’s going to be a lot more rejections from our old squad going forward, though.” I finished and felt sad that Cerberus had been right with that.

“Tali’s a good kid. Give her time. She’s probably busy with her own stuff right now.” Garrus reassured.

She had said that herself. I wasn’t so sure based on her reaction at me being with Cerberus, but I wasn’t going to argue with him now. My gut told me that I would see her again and that it would happen rather soon.

“After Freedom’s Progress I tried to find you first. I mostly just wanted to make sure you were all right. I care a lot about you, after all. I won’t lie, though. A part of me did hope I could get you to join me. But damn it, big guy, you covered your tracks good. I searched, but couldn’t find anything. Joker even searched for me. I even checked Cerberus’ files, but no. Nothing. Imagine the relief and my surprise when I found out that Archangel was my best friend all along.” I smiled at him and leaned back against his chest.

I really couldn’t help myself, could I? It was like I was starved of physical contact or intimacy. He had delivered it once to me and I did miss it. Luckily he wrapped me in for a hug. Since we were sitting so close together, my face was buried in his neck. My breath was tickling him. He let out a shiver as his sub-vocal chords purred away happily. The vibration, once again, ran through my body. I smiled to myself. I really missed the feeling that gave me.

This was nice. We were having a good time here. It really was time for him to talk about his time for these past two years, but that e-mail kept creeping back into my mind. I just needed to know if he read it. It would save me a lot of explaining if he had.

“Hey, uhm. It’s probably difficult for you to remember but I sent you an e-mail the night before I died. Did you ever read it?” I carefully asked as I sat back up.

He thought for a moment. “The last e-mail I remember getting from you was the one about Cerberus. I don’t remember reading another e-mail.”

“Oh. Okay. It wasn’t-”

“Which account?” He interrupted.

“What?” I asked.

“Which account did you send it to?” He clarified.

“I only had your C-Sec account.” I explained and that made him nod.

“Right. That would explain it. I left C-Sec fairly quickly after you died. I lost access to it right after I left. What was it about?” He asked curiously.

It had been two years since we made out on his bed, at least for him, and that left me with two choices. I could tell him the truth and get the rejection out of the way. That would be the best thing to do. But I still didn’t want that rejection. Not this time. And what if me telling him the truth made things awkward between us? That was the last thing I wanted to have happen.

I was sure this would bite me in the ass later, but I just couldn’t take a chance on things being okay if I told him the truth. Not enough guts in that moment. He wanted to be here and he had my back like the best friend he was. So I did something I never had done to him before and lied about it. Not directly. Just told him half of the truth.

“It was just an update. Telling you about how I was doing and asking how you were doing.” I answered casually.

I was sure the next question would be something along the lines of ‘then why bring it up,’ but he ended up nodding and smiling apologetically for not reading it. Fuck. That made me feel so bad. This was the man I trusted the most and I couldn’t even be straight with him about the feelings I had for him.

I quickly changed the topic. It was time to ask him what happened on Omega. I decided to ease into it, maybe move into it being about his time here before I asked directly.

“So, how have the crew been treating you?” I asked.

“Everyone’s been polite. I think being part of the team that took down Saren earned me some good faith.” He answered with a smile.

I smiled back. “That’s good. If anything else was the case, then I’d have to kick their asses.”

“I would still love to see that. Can I use your bathroom?” He asked after he laughed.

“Yeah. Go right ahead.” I answered with a smile.

Off to the bathroom he went and then I was told off by my gut for not just telling him the truth. Maybe I should just come clean about it right away. This mission was difficult enough on its own. The hoping and tension would be an added baggage I didn’t need. It actually would be better if he just told me that he didn’t feel the same way right away. When he came back I would come clean and tell him, I decided.

But he ended up taking a long time up there. So long that I started to wonder if he was all right. I hadn’t heard any thuds that would tell me that he had fallen or was in danger. I glanced up and was surprised when I saw him standing by my desk. Right. Turians were sneaky like that. What was he looking at?

“You got stuck up there, or something?” I joked.

But he didn’t answer. Was something actually wrong with him? I started to get worried and so I got off my couch and walked up the stairs.

“Are you okay?” I asked and he turned around to face me.

“I just…” He answered but couldn’t finish.

I took a better look at Garrus. It was like he was incredibly uncomfortable by something. Nothing serious had happened, right? Had he been sick or something? But he ended up just standing there by my desk and struggled to finish telling me what was wrong.

And then it hit me. I even sighed as I thought about it. Poor man. I had done the exact thing I said I wouldn’t do today and now I felt like shit for it.

“Damn it, I’m so stupid. You just got out of surgery today. I should’ve understood that and not kept you up here for so long. I’m so sorry.” I apologized.

“No, it’s all right. But I think you’re right. I need to go down and rest.” He answered.

“If you want, you can sleep on my bed. I can sleep on the couch.” I offered up.

He looked at my bed and back at me with another confused look. Maybe he thought I was offering up something else and I needed to clarify right away. I was just thinking about his health right now.

“Well, you are injured, after all.” I added and kept my tone serious.

“No, it’s fine. Thank you, though. I’ll take the tray down for you. Thank you for tonight.” He said and quickly was at the door with the tray in his hands and his Mantis strapped to his back.

I really didn’t want him to leave but I understood he wanted to be alone for whatever reason. However much I wanted him to stay and tell me about Omega, I had to stop pushing. He got out of surgery today. Not wanting to show my disappointment, I smiled.

“Okay. Good night, big guy.” I said.

“Good night, Shepard.” Garrus said with a small smile and strolled out of my room.

I felt more tired than I thought I would be and got ready for bed myself. As I did I thought about what just happened. Did he have some sort of reaction from his surgery? Was he in pain? He wanted to be alone, so maybe he didn’t feel ready talking about what had happened on Omega. But he seemed to be entranced by something at my desk. Did he see something there that he was so stunned by? What was it?

I walked over to my desk, stood where he had been standing, and took a look around it. My terminal was off and I couldn’t see anything at all. Black frames were scattered all around it. No notes or anything that would give off a weird vibe.

I concluded that I had to be overthinking this. He was fresh out of surgery and he probably was just feeling tired from it. I could bring my e-mail back up later and get the rejection then. His health was a little more important right now. I decided to let it go and hopped into my massive bed. As I laid down, I felt lazy.

“EDI, could you please turn off the lights for me?” I asked.

No problem, Mika. Good night.

“Thanks, EDI. Good night.” I said and fell asleep within a couple of minutes.

I woke up with a gasp as tears ran down my face. Another nightmare and like they had been for the past nights, they were about Garrus dying. But I couldn’t take them anymore now. Not sleeping was making me restless and jumpy.

I needed to do something about it. If this was going to continue, I needed to see if Karin had something that could help me. Close to a week without proper sleep was starting to wear me out and I needed my A-game for what we were doing. I decided to go down to the med-bay now as I was close to losing my mind.

I got out of bed and put a zip up hoodie on. I was wearing my sleep shorts and a loose crop top underneath. I was tired and needed some quality sleep, and I really didn’t feel like dressing up right now. I got in the elevator and went down to the third floor. It was late. In the middle of the night late. I hoped I wasn’t disturbing Karin too much as I opened the door to the med-bay.

“Karin, I’m sorry for disturbing you so late at-” I started saying but trailed off.

Garrus was sitting here and only wearing shorts. Mordin was working on his injury and Garrus moved his head to the right as soon as I entered. Why? Was he hiding his injury from me?

“Is everything all right, Garrus?” I asked worried.

“Fine, yes. Just cleaning. Changing compress. Needs to sit still. Was moving just now.” Mordin answered.

“I wasn’t moving.” Garrus answered flatly.

“Indeed moved. Moved head to right.” Mordin argued.

Being too tired to follow their argument, I shook my head and looked back at Karin. “Karin, I realize I haven’t brought up this before now. I’m sorry for my behavior a couple of days ago.”

“There’s no need, dear. I understand. What can I do for you, Mikaela?” She asked with a warm smile.

“I’m having a lot of nightmares. One night here and there is fine, but I’ve had them every night since being brought back to life. I need some quality sleep to be able to work.” I said defeated.

“I’m sorry to hear that, dear. What’s been bothering you?” She asked softly.

I mean, I didn’t really want Garrus to know that I’d been having nightmares about him dying. How would I tell her without saying anything, though? I gave her some looks while moving my eyes to where Garrus was sitting. She nodded in realization as she understood what I was silently trying to tell her.

“No problem, dear. Give me a moment, please.” She answered me and turned around to rummage through her drawers.

I leaned back against the wall with my arms behind my back so I was leaning on them. It sounded like she had a solution and that made me feel better. I noticed that the zipper on my hoodie had come undone. I didn’t mind as I was still decent underneath. I was also with three people I wouldn’t mind see me naked. Two of them were doctors. I felt eyes on me and noticed Garrus was checking me out. As soon as his gaze met mine, he looked away and turned his head to the right again.

“Again, moving. Just now.” Mordin pointed out annoyed.

He quickly looked up and down at me. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for at all so I looked back at him confused.

“Finds small waist attractive. Suggest you put clothes on, so I can finish.” He said.

My eyes widened at his words, and I quickly zipped up the hoodie, while my face turned red. Turians liked small waists, huh? If I had known, I would’ve dressed myself a little more before coming down here. Garrus’ face didn’t turn red, but he brought his left hand to his face and started rubbing his brow plates. He looked properly embarrassed in his own way. I suppressed a chuckle as I didn’t want to embarrass him further, but a smile did creep up my face.

“Done. Compress on. Probably dizzy for a few minutes. Needs help to room.” Mordin said.

“I’ll walk him to his room. I don’t trust Cerberus enough to do that.” I said still smiling.

“No, it’s all right. I can head down on my own.” Garrus interjected.

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.” I assured him.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” He answered and quickly left.

We all watched stunned as he walked over to the main batteries. His steps were a little stumbling but he kept his balance by holding onto the railing. What was happening? Why was he being so short with me?

What was going on with him?

Chapter Text

We docked into the Citadel two days later. Update was already sent to David and so I couldn’t turn back now. I spent my time doing things I needed to do. Writing mission reports, – when I learned that was a thing that I had to do – checking out the dossier I’d gotten for someone named Kasumi, and gathering resources for upgrading the Normandy. Gathering resources was time-consuming and boring, but it had to be done if we wanted the Normandy to be stronger.

Kasumi Goto

- Master of stealth and infiltration
- Skilled hacker and information specialist
- Operates completely off the grid
- No criminal record

Kasumi Goto is not the most famous thief in the galaxy – she’s the best. Trained in the arts of stealth and infiltration, she has “acquired” artifacts and information from all over the galaxy and yet maintains a completely clean criminal record. She is awaiting rendezvous with Shepard on the Citadel, in the Zakera Ward.

Kasumi’s dossier was interesting. She reminded me a lot of myself from my days with the gang, only she was a ton better at stealing then I ever was or would be. She also worked with infiltration and stealth, just like I did. I wanted to meet her and see what kind of person she was.

Due to my recourse gathering, I was able to upgrade the armor like Jacob had suggested. I didn’t know of any other updates and hoped I would find some as time went by.

The armor had been delivered to Garrus. He thanked me a lot for fixing it but he was still as short as he had been. I decided to give him some space and spent the time doing things I had to do. From what I saw, he was getting stronger and stronger every day. It had been the required amount of time since he got injured and I wanted him out with me to meet the Council. I sent him a message through my omni-tool.

You wanna go to the Citadel with me? Take the armor for a spin? - MS

Be right there. - GV

I decided to ask Mordin as well, but he didn’t have the time to go with me. He was studying the information we’d gathered up from Freedom’s Progress. Zaeed it was, then. I put my armor on and went down to the cockpit. Zaeed and Garrus were already there waiting for me. Garrus looked pleased with his armor. He looked extremely good in it, as well.

“Happy?” I asked and gestured to his armor.

“Fits like a glove. Kenn did a great job. It feels good to be out in the field again. Are we visiting the council?” He asked.

“Yeah, I think we’ll do that first, just to get it out of the way. Joker, I’m ordering shore leave for 12 hours. Stock up, as it’s going to be a while before we get back here again. We’re going to Korlus right after. Do you mind bringing it forward?” I answered Garrus and asked Joker.

“Anything for you, Shepard.” Joker said and announced shore leave.

We exited the airlock and walked onto the deck. We’d been able to dock right next to C-Sec and I actually preferred that. It meant we didn’t need to ride that horribly long elevator anymore. I looked around. Things had definitely changed. Going into C-Sec was a security station. I saw a woman at the desk arguing with a turian. He’d been stopped for trying to bring a serrated knife into public transport. He wasn’t happy about that and kept on calling her a racist. I chuckled as I heard that.

I noticed an advertising board calling my name. Like it actually mentioned Commander Shepard. It also told me to enter the password to receive a free gift. I thought of the dossier right away and the apparent password I would have to enter. I went over to it.

“Please tell me your password, Commander Shepard.” The ad said.

So incredibly dramatic. In the ad was a woman wearing a black hood. The hood itself had white details sewn into it. It covered her eyes, probably to hide her identity, I thought. She had a purple tattoo that went from her lower lip to the middle of her chin. She reminded me of an assassin.

“Silence is golden.” I replied.

“Good to finally meet you, Commander Shepard. Kasumi Goto.” She replied.

I wondered where she was actually talking to me from. I felt eyes on me but couldn’t see her around at first glance.

“Has Cerberus filled you in on the mission?” I asked her.

“Honestly, I’m shocked they didn’t come to see me sooner. My fault for being hard to find, I guess.” She said with a smug smile.

“What brought you to Cerberus?” I asked as I started to feel eyes in the back of my head.

“That’s a bit of a story. Short version, they were looking for me, so I trailed them to find out why. Turns out they were looking for someone to join you on an important mission... and were offering a serious signing bonus. I had a thing I needed help with, so I made them a deal. And here we are.”  Kasumi answered with a smirk.

“I assume this deal is something I should know about?” I asked as the dossier hadn’t mentioned any deal.

“Yeah, I guess it slipped their minds. I’m looking for my old partner’s graybox. A man named Donovan Hock took it, and I’m planning to get it back.” She answered.

“Who is this Donovan Hock guy?” I asked since I’d never heard about this guy before.

“Mr. Hock is a well-respected ‘businessman’. Arms dealer, murderer, generally not a great guy. His mansion’s famous for being hard to crack. But I have a way in, and I think you’re going to love it.” She explained.

This brought me back to my time with the Reds. Sneaking into people’s houses to steal used to be my bread and butter. This was a heist, basically the same, but on a much bigger scale and higher stakes. I had to admit that it excited me a little to think about.

“I always expect trouble. That’s why you’re here.” She said and smiled.

“What’s this heist you’re planning?” I asked, now curious.

“Not here, Shepard. You’ll get a briefing when the time comes. I need time to nail down the details, anyway. I’ve taken the liberty of getting you some evening wear, though. You’ll want to look presentable.” She smiled again.

I sighed to myself. I didn’t really like to dress up. That was also why I so rarely did it. Walking around in a dress? Yeah, I really didn’t like that. But when I actually did do it, I went all the way, though. Makeup, hair, heels, you name it. But I was curious about this graybox now. I didn’t know what it was.

“I assume a graybox is some kind of hardware.” I said.

“It’s a neural implant. Illegal in most places. Stores memories, thoughts... Secret codes, illicit information. This one in particular belonged to my partner, Keiji Okuda. We worked together for a long time, before Hock killed him.” Kasumi said sounded sad at the last words.

“Tell me about Keiji.” I said softly.

“He was the best hacker and entryman I’ve ever known. Unfortunately, he slipped up and made himself infamous. He stole something he shouldn’t. He warned me it was bad, something that could spark interstellar war if it got out. That information... Got him killed.” Kasumi said.

I could hear her voice in stereo now. I was sure she was behind me, probably standing above me some place. I felt curious about what this information Keiji had.

“What could he’ve found that’s so bad?” I asked.

“He wouldn’t say what it was, just that it was dangerous. He said if it got out, humanity would be in trouble. He encrypted it, wrapped it up in his own memories. To decode the information, you have to sift through all the time we spent together. Now those memories are all that’s left of him.” Kasumi answered and I quickly understood there were two reasons for her wanting it back.

“I can understand why you’d want to get it back. Yeah, If that’s what Cerberus promised you, we’ll get it done.” I said as I turned around and looked up to the railing above us.

I saw her there, standing with her back towards me. A smirk spread across my face as I understood I would surprise the hell out of her when she turned around.

“It’ll be fun. And if we’re lucky, you won’t even have to draw your gun...” Kasumi said.

As she turned around, she saw me looking at her with a smile on my face. She gave me an impressed nod and a polite little bow, too.

“We should probably wrap this up. You looked pretty silly standing there talking to an advertisement. See you on the ship, Shep!” She said.

I saw her go into cloak and leave. I instantly liked Kasumi. She seemed like a playful and fun person. I also felt excited about the heist. I wondered what kind of dress she’d picked out for me. Not what I had to focus on right now anyway, so I let the thought go for now.

“Let’s go see the council.” I said to Garrus and Zaeed and we headed towards the security checkpoint.

Before we entered it, Garrus spoke. “I thought It might be nice to come back here and see how it’s changed. But it’s just like it was. Same dirty streets, same unrepentant scavengers, same revolving-door prisons. Being security here is a terrible job. This is exactly why I quit.”

Bureaucracy at its finest, I thought to myself. I looked at him with a sympathetic smile on my face. The red tape was something I knew he never liked. I hoped things would calm down with him soon so that he would tell me what was wrong. But I felt curious and decided to test his theory out. So I went up to C-Sec customs lady behind the desk to the left of the checkpoint.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” She said in a flat tone.

“It’s been a couple of years since I passed through here. Security seems to have tightened a bit.” I said to her, as I looked around the room and into the checkpoint.

“After the geth attack, there was a review of security protocol. A few minor changes were made to reduce the risk of geth infiltration. We apologize for the inconvenience.” She answered flatly.

“You’d think a geth would stand out.” Garrus said while rubbing his forehead in frustration, and stole the thought out from my mind.

“Assumptions are dangerous. ‘Be Alert, Be Safe.’” She answered back.

I had to suppress a laugh that was building up inside me. Like Ash once had said so incredibly cleverly: They have flashlight heads.

“Thanks for your time.” I said quickly and headed for the checkpoint.

To the right was a gunnery chief talking to a couple of soldiers. He was explaining why you don’t eyeball shots in space, as he pointed out Newton’s first law to them. The seriousness of it all made me chuckle, though he had an important point.

We went through the checkpoint but were stopped at the exit by a turian C-Sec officer. Our scans had given him some sort of error message.

“Shut it down. What? Do you seriously think... yeah. okay.” He said in his ear piece and looked at me a bit nervously.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am. Our scanners are picking up false readings. They seem to think you’re… uh… dead.” He said carefully.

I gave him a smile. “I was listed as missing in action a couple of years ago.”

“Would you mind checking in with my Captain? He can reinstate you in our system. He’s just past the scanners, on your right.” He asked politely.

I nodded and smiled back, and passed through security. As I entered, I overheard a man talking to my immediate right.

“You’ll have to make him scream a little. He’s not going to tell you everything just ‘cause you ask.” He said frustrated.

“I know, Sir.” A woman answered.

I looked at the man’s desk, and saw he was the Captain I was looking for. Bailey was his name.

“If you don’t have the stomach, or you’re worried about being reported, I can take care of it.” Bailey said to the female C-Sec officer, clearly annoyed.

“No, sir! I can handle it.” She answered him. Her voice was shaking.

I was stunned. Was C-Sec really becoming dirty now? I noticed there were more humans working there, than there had been two years ago. Did we really make C-Sec worse than what it was? I decided to go up to Bailey to fix my problem first, ignoring the conversation I’d overheard for now. He spoke first, as he saw me.

“I see the problem already, Commander Shepard. My console says you’re dead.” He said while shifting his eyes between me and his console.

“You’re not worried about me being some imposter claiming to be me?” I asked curiously.

Bailey sighed. “We have the best scanning equipment in the galaxy. Those scanners can sample DNA from skin flakes. Hell, if you have unregistered gene mods, they can even figure those out.”

Satisfied with his answer, I continued with the problem I had with a smile. “Your sergeant said you could help me out with that little problem.”

“Usually, you’d have to go through the Station Security Administration to reactivate your IDs. Then to Customs and Immigration to regain access to the Citadel itself. And probably stop by the treasury. ‘Spending a year dead’ is a popular tax dodge.” He said.

I nodded at the information he was giving me, but wasn’t really listening. I needed the solution right away this time and I wanted it now. And Bailey was smart because he picked up on it right away.

“But I can see you’re a busy woman. So what would you say if I just press this button right here, and we call it done?” He asked while lingering his finger over a button on his console.

I leaned over his desk and smirked at him. “I’d say, ‘What are you waiting for? I have to get going.’”

He smirked back and pressed the button. “Done. You’re good to go. You should head up to the Presidium, though. The Council would probably like to know that one of their lost Spectres is still kicking.”

I stepped back. “I will. Having access to the Council and the Spectres’ resources would be useful.”

“Yeah, the Council can get anything. Best thing about working C-Sec is that any equipment, information or money you need, you get. Anyway. Something else you need? Or can I get back to work?” He asked.

I couldn’t ignore it anymore. The statement from when I first entered came back to my mind and I had to confront him about it.

“I overheard your conversation. ‘Make him scream a little?’” I said as I crossed my arms and gave Bailey a disappointed look.

He hit his fist on his desk and got a little angry. “This isn’t the Presidium! All they have to worry about are protesters outside their ‘free speech zones’ or someone’s poodle crapping on the grass. Down here, we have drugs, organized crime, and murder. Policing a Ward is like policing New York City. Sometimes you have to work outside the Council’s rule book.”

“C-Sec has changed...” Garrus said.

They had indeed. Garrus did sound a little disappointed. I wasn’t sure if he was disappointed with the changes to C-Sec or if he was disappointed by not being a part of that change. I wondered what Garrus’ dad would think about this change. He was C-Sec before he retired. One of the best, according the Garrus, and extremely by the book.

We talked a little more with Bailey, touching on the subject of how the Citadel was doing after Sovereign’s attack. I was also right, there were a lot more humans in C-Sec. It had happened after the attack. The Council needed more people in C-Sec, and the humans were lining up. We said our goodbyes shortly after and hailed a sky car to the embassies to see the Council.

I walked up the familiar steps to what now was David’s office. I was incredibly excited to see him again. Seeing the Council was another story. Nervous was what I felt about that. I took a deep breath and as I entered, David was already speaking to the Council.

“Shepard will be here any... oh, Commander. We were just talking about you.” He said and gave me a smile.

“It’s been a long time, David. I hope the last couple years have treated you right.” I said and grabbed his right hand and patted him on the shoulder as well.

It was good to see David again. What I really wanted was to give him a hug but we were in a meeting right now. I couldn’t do that. I would as soon as it ended, though. Garrus and Zaeed sat in the couches nearby to watch my conversation with the Council and then it was time to get interrogated.

“There’ve been some rough spots. It’s good to have you back.” David admitted.

“We’ve heard many rumors surrounding your unexpected return. Some of them are... unsettling.” Valern said.

“We called this meeting so you could explain your actions, Shepard. We owe you that much. After all, you saved our lives in the battle against Saren and his geth.” Tevos continued and I noticed she didn’t mention Sovereign in that sentence at all.

“I know how this looks. Believe me, I wouldn’t work with them it if I didn’t think it was necessary. I’m only working with them because the Collectors are abducting human colonists in the Terminus Systems. Worse, we think they’re working for the Reapers.” I said.

I really needed help to sort this mess out. A good team was one thing but having the resources the Council could offer on top of the resources Cerberus had would make a big difference.

“The Terminus Systems are beyond our jurisdiction! Your colonists knew this when they left Council Space.” Sparatus said.

He sounded annoyed, like me being here was a waste of his time. I had forgotten just how annoying he could be. I never understood what his problem with me was. Was it that I was a human? Because he just seemed like he wanted to be a contrarian and counter everything I ever said by telling me that the opposite was the right thing to do.

“You’re missing the important part, Councilor. The Reapers are involved.” David interjected.

“Ah, yes. ‘Reapers’. The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space. We have dismissed that claim.” Sparatus decided.

He even air quoted the word ‘Reapers’. How could he deny the Reapers when he saw Sovereign with his very own eyes? He wasn’t blind, was he? Was in an alternate universe, or something? He’d been in the Destiny Ascension as it arrived on the Citadel!

David turned to me and talked in a low voice. “Shepard, no one else encountered the hologram on Ilos that told you the truth about the Reapers. Only you and your crew ever spoke with Sovereign. I believe you, but without evidence from another source, the others think Saren was behind the geth attacks.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Why in the world didn’t they believe that the Reapers were a thing? They didn’t still think Sovereign was a geth construction, did they? Saren was just a pawn in Sovereigns plight to harvest the entire galaxy. No, I needed their backup. I needed them to understand.

“Go back to Ilos and talk to Vigil. There might be a couple of geth armatures still there, but they should be friendly. Or just look at what’s left of Sovereign. It’s obvious the technology is more advanced than ours!” I pointed out.

“The hologram on Ilos is no longer functional, and have found nothing to suggest that Sovereign was not a geth creation.” Valern explained.

“The geth are capable of remarkable technological achievements. This is probably why Saren recruited them.” Tevos agreed.

“This Reaper theory proves just how fragile your mental state is. You have been manipulated by Cerberus and, before them, by Saren.” Sparatus said.

I felt my jaw tighten at that statement, and my fists were starting to clench. They actually thought I was crazy? I could hear Garrus growl quietly behind me but he didn’t say anything. Sparatus with his super-senses hearing did and shot him an intimidating look, before he turned to me again. It looked like they were having a silent conversation through their sub-vocal chords. I wondered what it was about.

I tried to reason with them. “Saren was an organic. Why would the geth ever see him as a leader? They only followed him because he was Sovereign’s agent!”

“Saren was a compelling and charismatic individual. He convinced the geth the Reapers were real... just as he convinced you.” Tevos said.

She was trying to show understanding but she was doing a poor job of it. She desperately needed to have my fist meet her face. Not that I ever would. But the Illusive Man was right. Why the fuck did I ever think coming here would be a smart move? Two years had passed for all of them. More than enough time to dismiss whatever I had stood for and proved to be right.

“It was part of his plan to attack the Citadel. The Reapers are just a myth. One you insist on perpetuating.” Sparatus said, sounding a lot more annoyed.

Tevos nodded in agreement at Sparatus and turned to me. “We believe that you believe it, but that doesn’t make it true.”

I was close to being in tears there and then. Not from sadness but from fury and frustration. I desperately needed to punch someone. Anyone. Either that, or get wasted in a bar. Instead I got stoic and disappointed, and maybe a little childish, too.

“I kept Saren from conquering the Citadel. I even sacrificed human lives to save this Council because I thought it was the right thing to do.” I quietly said to them and hoped they understood that I was beginning to regret the decision.

“We are in a difficult position, Shepard. You are working for Cerberus, and avowed enemy of the Council. This is treason, a capital offence.” Tevos said flatly and that’s when David got angry.

“That’s too far! Shepard is a hero. I’m on this Council too, and I won’t let this whitewash continue.” He growled out and stepped between me and their holograms in front of me.

He was properly angry at them as well. I was glad that at least one person on the Council had my back. It was just too bad that he didn’t have any clout anymore. The only voice of reason that was in power, and none listened to him at all.

Tevos backed off, understanding she’d gone too far. “Maybe there is a compromise. Not a public acknowledgement, given your ties, but something to show peripheral support.”

“Shepard, if you keep a low profile and restrict your operations to the Terminus Systems, the Council is willing to offer you reinstatement as a Spectre.” Sparatus said more calmly.

“What does that mean? Will I need to start filing reports again?” I asked a little sarcastically.

“That won’t be necessary. This is a show of good faith on our part.” Valern answered and ignored my sarcasm.

“We cannot become involved in an investigation regarding the missing colonies in the Terminus Systems. But Spectre reinstatement show our support of you personally.” Tevos explained.

I took a deep breath. “I accept your offer.”

Tevos gave me a sympathetic smile. “Good luck with your investigation, Shepard. We hope for a quick resolution... And a quick end to your relationship with Cerberus.”

The meeting then ended and I was left feeling extremely frustrated by it. A bullshit offer. Could come in handy, of course, but I couldn’t see how. The Terminus Systems were beyond Spectre authority.

David walked over to me. “Well, that went well. You realize the Council’s offer is just symbolic? They won’t actually do anything.”

Of course I knew that. But even if they didn’t want to help me with any resources and even if they didn’t believe me when it came to the Reapers at all, my Spectre status could still come in handy. That could be used. Carefully, of course. However frustrated I felt with them I also thought that it wasn’t a good idea to burn any bridges with them.

“Yeah, no kidding. Well, even if they don’t help, I might as well stay on good terms.” I said.

David could see I still was frustrated and gave me a clap on the back. I looked back at him with a smile and gave him the hug I wanted to give him as I saw him enter. It felt so very good to see him again and I really appreciated him backing me up with the Council.

“True enough. Don’t worry about the Council or the Alliance. I’ll find some way to keep them off your back. Shouldn’t be too hard as long as you keep to the Terminus Systems.” David said.

I was about to answer and thank him for helping me out. But I heard a familiar voice enter the room and it threatened to ruin my day again.

“Anderson, we need to talk about... Shepard. What are you doing here?” Udina asked as he looked at me in disbelief.

“Udina. Stopped by to see how Anderson was doing.” I curtly answered.

“I invited Shepard here to speak with the Council. We just finished our meeting.” David explained.

Udina looked at David in shock. “You what? Councilor, do the words political shit-storm mean anything to you?”

I had just been in the second most frustrating meeting with the Council that I had ever had. No way I was having it today from this guy. I decided to give him a quick rundown so he could disappear as quickly as he’d entered.

“The Council reinstated my Spectre status. They’re just happy I’m staying out in the Terminus Systems.” I said and hoped he would leave.

“Yes... I could see how that arrangement works best for both sides. But you really shouldn’t have taken a step like this without consulting with me first, Councilor.” Udina said to David.

David raised his eyebrows in confusion to Udina. “I don’t answer to you, Udina. Why don’t you go to your office and think about that for a while?”

I couldn’t help but smile at the comeback but Udina just ended up giving a curt smile to both of us. “Of course, Councilor. Good day to the both of you.”

David rolled his eyes as Udina left the room. “Sorry about that. Udina’s never gotten over the fact that I got the Council position instead of him. Sometimes I need to put him in his place.”

“Bet it feels good every time you get to do it, though. Udina’s just being… Udina, I guess.” I answered.

I never liked Udina. He was a power-hungry asshole politician. I knew I made the right choice when I backed David for the position in the Council. It was just too bad that it didn’t seem to make a difference. Though them handing me my Spectre status would show that David actually managed to do something good. This was all him.

I wanted to catch up for a little while. “Give me a second, David. I’ll be right back, so we can catch up.”

I walked over to Garrus and Zaeed. Zaeed was playing with his butterfly knife. Garrus gave me a sad look. I shrugged my shoulders and let out a sigh and rubbed my eyebrows in frustration. There really wasn’t anything we could do. But they didn’t have to wait for me to be done talking unless they wanted to.

“Alright, guys. I’m gonna spend some time catching up with David. If you have any errands to run, then now’s the time to do it. Meet me by the docks in two hours?” I asked.

“Got it, boss. I’ll be out drinking.” Zaeed answered and left.

Garrus just nodded while he looked a little lost in thought. I wondered what he was thinking about since he was being so quiet. Why was he being so quiet? I didn’t have the patience to ask right now, so I just walked over to David from him. Garrus left as I walked away.

The first thing I did was retell everything about how I’d woken up from the dead, that they had rebuilt the Normandy, why I was working with Cerberus and that my relationship with them only was strictly business. Basically the same I’d told Garrus. I trusted David. Now was the time to ask him, though.

“So... how have the last couple of years been treating you, David?” I asked.

We were now both leaning on the balcony that overlooked the Presidium itself. It still was a beautiful view. One wouldn’t be able to tell that an attack had taken place here two years ago. I bet that was what the Council wanted. Hide the truth so nothing bad could happen.

He sighed. “Serving on the Council isn’t how I planned to spend my twilight years. Sometimes it feels like I’m just beating my head against a wall. Knowing the truth about Sovereign is brutal. It’s nightmare stuff. Can’t blame the others for not wanting to believe it.”

He sounded so frustrated about it and I completely understood why. We were people of action and didn’t like to skirt around big issues at all. I felt confident that this already had been proven. David by punching Udina and unlocking the Normandy. Me by defying direct orders from the Council and going to Ilos.

“But I know how important it is, so I keep trying. Fight the good fight, right?” He said and smiled at me.

“Forget Udina and the Council. Join my crew and help me stop the Collectors.” I tempted with a smile and bumped his shoulder with mine.

He smirked to himself. We could be the wannabe-dad and wannabe-daughter duo out to save the galaxy from the Reapers. It looked like he indeed was considering it but I knew he never would. Even if David was a man of action, he was also very responsible. His expression then changed and I was proven right. He became serious and a little quiet.

“I’m too old to go racing across the galaxy. Much as I complain, I’ve got an important job to do here. The front line, that’s got to be yours.” He said and gave me a smile.

We talked about Garrus and David admitted he’d given him the news about my death. He had been with Pallin and his dad. Garrus had taken it very hard. That was heartbreaking to hear about. He also told me that Garrus had left very quickly after my funeral and never did return to C-Sec. I started wondering if my death was the cause of him leaving. That wasn’t a topic I necessarily wanted to bring up, though. It was way too sad and it was history.

I tried getting information about Kaiden. David wondered if I’d asked because of what he called ‘our history’ together. Why did everyone think that something had happened between Kaidan and I? I just said that he was a good solider and that I wanted him on my team, and then I was told that it was classified.

That’s when the ‘it’s classified’ answers started when I tried asking anything that had to do with the Alliance. I started becoming more and more frustrated. I understood why. I was working with Cerberus, but this was me. I had good reasons to work with them. I hadn’t joined them and I never would. Our relationship would end as soon as what we were doing was done.

In the end I gave up. I gave him a curt ‘goodbye’ and exited. I knew he wanted to give me answers to everything I was wondering about, but he couldn’t. My frustration from the conversation with the Council had also soured my mood again. I needed to get out before I said something I’d regret.

I headed down to the markets to see if I could find someone or something to blow my steam off at. What I did find first were the provisions that Gardner wanted me to get for him. I bought those right away before I would forget. I also overheard two krogans wondering if there were fish in the lakes on the Presidium. That brought me right back to Wrex and I started wondering about it myself. Fuck, I needed to find someone I could ask.

I decided that I needed a drink and I needed it badly. Dark Star Lounge was the closest bar and so I went down there. I noticed there was a turian groundskeeper a short distance away. Thinking about the krogans wondering about fish in the lakes, I went up to him.

“Something I can do for you?” He asked as I walked up to him.

“Yeah, I noticed you’re one of the groundskeepers for the Presidium and, uhm... do you know if there are fish in the lakes?” I asked him feeling extremely curious about it myself.

“Yeah, I get that question a lot. I think it’s right behind ‘Where’s the restroom?’. Those are reservoirs. The Presidium’s own supply, independent from the water storage tanks in the Wards. The only place I know of on the station to get a live fish is Deleia Sanassi’s gift shop.” He answered after laughing.

His answer managed to disappoint me a little, but he’d also piqued my curiosity now. He was easy to talk to and I felt curious about what he would say.

“So when I pour a glass of water, it’s the same stuff that people throw garbage in?” I asked him.

“No, they purify it first. If some salarian or human bacteria gets left in, and a turian or quarian drinks it, they could die if they’re allergic. Everything would be so much simpler if we all had the same DNA. But nooo, the universe loves diversity.” He answered honestly.

I kinda agreed. Everything would be simpler, but then we also wouldn’t have any diversity. Diversity is what makes us interesting and I loved that it did. But he had sated my curiosity and so I gave him a smile.

“Thanks for your time.” I said.

“No problem. If you get up to the Presidium, check out the demael flowers, across from the Conduit. They’re coming in very nicely.” He said and gave me a smile.

I started to walk over to the bar and saw Zaeed gesturing for me to come over to him. What was this about? Drinking with Zaeed? I mean, sure. Why not?

“Having a drink, boss?” He asked.

I sighed. “Yeah, you heard how that meeting went. It’s not like I can punch random people in their faces. A drink sounds like a good compromise.”

“Tell you what, if you manage to get that turian bartender to serve you Ryncol, I’ll pay your tab.” He offered up.

Ryncol? The stuff krogan and Zaeed drank? Wasn’t that like… dangerous? But getting wasted and being a little reckless sounded like a very good idea right now. So I thought about it and accepted his challenge. As I walked to the bar, there was a turian bartender standing there. He had to be the one who was going to end up serving me Ryncol.

“What’ll it be?” The bartender asked as we walked over.

“I want the strongest thing you have.” I said with a confident smile.

“Easy enough.” The bartender said and poured me a drink.

It looked strange, like nothing I’d ever drunk before, and I ended up staring at it a little awestruck. “It looks... it’s green?”

“Guaranteed to knock you on your ass.” He answered with a smile.

I shrugged and downed it in one go. It was indeed strong but nothing that would drop me in one go. It also didn’t knock me on my ass. Damn, this was easy.

“Anything else?” He asked as I finished.

“Yeah. You guaranteed it would knock me on my ass, but it didn’t. Let’s have another one.” I said with a smug smile.

Zaeed had followed me over and was leaning his elbows on the bar. He kept watching me with a smile on his face.

The bartender poured me another one. “Here you are.”

I downed that one as well. The alcohol was starting to loosen me up a little at this point and I thought that was a little fast. Why did that happen so incredibly fast?

“Anything else?” He asked as I was rocking to the club music in the room.

I gave him a huge grin and shook my head. “Not done yet.”

“I’m impressed. I’ve never seen anyone drink more than three of these.” He said with an amused look and handed me another drink.

You better believe I downed that bad boy like it was nothing at all. And wouldn’t you know, I still wasn’t knocked on my ass.

“Anything else?” He asked.

“Oh, I think you know what’s coming. Hit me again.” I said with the same grin plastered on my face and heard Zaeed chuckle next to me.

The bartender gave me a smirk. “How ‘bout we mix it up a little? This is genuine batarian ale. Uncut. Don’t ask how I got it. I’ve been serving here 8 years, and I’ve never seen anyone have this and stay on their feet.”

Well, he would see something new today, then. I downed it as soon as he finished pouring it. It tasted like ale, would hit like a truck, and it seemed to go straight to my head. It wasn’t the fact that it made me drunk that surprised me. It was more the fact that it happened so fast. What was going on? But I still was on my feet and hoped this next one would be the Ryncol.

“Anything else?” The bartender asked and looked downright impressed.

Feeling properly drunk now I only managed to drunkenly say, ‘Do it!’ with a grin to him. Zaeed chuckled yet again. The bartender looked like he was thinking about something for a second before he silently decided to go for it.

“Okay, for you, something special. This is krogan liquor. Ryncol. You’ll set off radioactive alarms if you drink it. Should I pour you a shot?” He asked.

I was so extremely drunk at this point that I didn’t catch half of what he said. The batarian ale had messed me up. I had to ask Karin or Mordin why I got so drunk so extremely fast. It would make me a cheap drunk, by all means, but it wouldn’t be fun at all.

“Hell yeah! Put more of the stuff in the thing where… stuff goes into.” I managed to slur out with a smile.

Zaeed laughed at my answer. The bartender looked at us both before he shook his head and started mixing.

“Your funeral, ma’am.” He said.

After half a minute, he poured the liquor into the glass and handed it to me and Zaeed looked very impressed. “Goddamn. I’m impressed, boss. You did it.”

I grinned like a child at him with the shot in my hand. “I… did it!”

Zaeed laughed at my drunkenness. I toasted the air towards him while trying to wink at him – my face contorted like an idiot as I tried – and immediately downed it.

“No, I didn’t actually mean-” Zaeed gasped in horror.

I couldn’t hear the rest of what he’d said. My mouth and throat were both extremely dry and on fire. It tasted sweet, like bad moonshine, and was almost as strong as what I’d drunk in the turian military. I stumbled a few steps backwards as things started to spin around the room. The glass fell from my hand, and I thought I heard it smash against the floor. The last thing I saw was the bartender shaking his head at me, before everything just went black.

I woke up from a sting on my right butt-cheek. I even managed to mutter out an ‘ow’ as it happened before I completely woke up. This room had a lot of audacity for being as bright as it was. Looking around, I saw I was in the med-bay. Mordin was the one who had given my ass a shot and he looked at me unamused as I came to my senses.

“Vitamin B. Will help liver handle Ryncol.” He explained.

I sighed and tried to get up. Salarians weren’t particularly strong physically, but Mordin managed to keep me in my bed. I looked at him confused for it. I really wanted to go up to my own bed.

“Suggest you stay in this bed for a little while. Will be very dizzy.” He suggested.

Fine. I guess I would stay here for a little while. A headache was pounding in my head. I was thirsty but it looked like Mordin already had that covered as he handed me a bottle of water. It was downed in a minute and I sighed at how good that felt.

Mordin didn’t leave at all. He kept monitoring me for some reason. I didn’t know what he was looking for but I felt thankful for him being here. He was a doctor so I guess it made sense. But it also made me think…

“Hey, I don’t know if I should ask you or Karin about this, but… do you know what Cerberus has done to my body? Is it just cybernetics or something else?” I asked carefully.

“Why ask about that?” He wondered.

“I was dead for two years. They told me I was meat and tubes when they got my body. I shouldn’t be alive and I want to know what they did to make it happen.” I explained.

They hadn’t told me anything and I just wanted to know how freakish I was. That was it. Was there something else to it other than me having cybernetics. He brought his omni-tool up and did some sort of scan on my body going all the way from my head to my feet. A minute later he had some results that he kept scrolling through and analyzing.

“Cybernetic implants attached to skeleton to strengthen. Reconstruction of skin and fluids. New teeth.” Mordin answered.

“Fluids? Like blood?” I wondered.

He nodded. “Yes. Injected fluids to reconstruct blood. You also have nano bots.”

“Nano bots? What do they do?” I carefully asked and he looked at his omni-tool again.

“Nano bots in repair mode. Increase your metabolism and healing. Also seem to break down food and liquid quickly.” He explained.

“Oh. Is that why I got drunk so fast?” I asked with a small smile.

“Yes. Also why you recovered so quickly.” He confirmed with a small smile.

Faster metabolism and robots inside me made it possible for me to heal faster. They also made me drunk a lot quicker, which would mean that I would be a cheap person to take out drinking. This also sounded like I could eat more, or at least eat more regularly than I already did. Wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I was an eat two to three times per day-woman.

Something else creeped into my mind and I wasn’t sure how I was going to ask about this. Not because I was scared of the answer, but more because I didn’t necessarily want people to dig into why I was asking this. It would be obvious when I finally asked, though. I also had no idea how this would work.

I had done gene therapy. Then I died and was brought back to life by Cerberus’ means. Was my gene therapy still in effect? My genes weren’t altered, so I guess the answer had to be ‘no’. But I still wanted to ask. It couldn’t hurt if I did.

“Do you think that their reconstruction would affect any gene therapy I did for allergies?” I asked.

“No way to be certain. Could test hypothesis out. What allergies?” Mordin asked back.

This was apparently difficult to answer and I had to make sure the conversation wouldn’t leave this room first. “You’re a doctor, right? You have doctor-patient confidentiality?”

“Of course.” He assured me.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Is there a chance that I’m allergic to dextro-amino acids?”

“Wait here.” He said after a few silent seconds and left the room.

I was in one of the beds that were along the wall of the window to the med-bay. That meant that I wouldn’t be able to see what he was doing at all. I wondered what he was up to. Test the hypothesis out… I was too hung over to think about what it could be that he wanted me to do. I did feel better, though. Thank the nano bots.

Suddenly he entered the med-bay again with a bowl in his hand. I was handed it and ended up looking at food. Rations. He wanted me to eat? I looked at Mordin and saw him ready a needle with something. He even flicked it ready to get rid of the air.

“Unfortunately no other way to test hypothesis out. Will give epinephrine shot if anaphylaxis occurs.” Mordin explained and I suddenly understood what it was that I was going to eat.

“Dextro rations. Yay.” I noted sarcastically.

I was watched carefully as I ate. The rations themselves tasted all right. Better than human rations but still very much tasteless. Realizing that I actually felt hungry, I managed to finish the entire bowl pretty quickly and sat it down on my lap.

“Why do gene therapy for allergies?” Mordin wondered.

“I was picked out to go to Palaven for the exchange program. I’m a curious person and I wanted to try turian food. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t allergic.” I explained.

“Suspected you took vaccines to combat radiation. Humans don’t like heat.” He noted and I smiled impressed by him guessing correctly.

“That’s right.” I confirmed.

“Would you visit again?” He asked.

“If I can. I loved being there. I would love to visit again someday.” I answered honestly.

“No way to test hypothesis easily, but radiation on Palaven low. Suspect that your cybernetics would counter radiation sickness for you.” He noted.

Wait, what? I wouldn’t have to deal with an enviro-suit or vaccines ever again if I went back? That was news I didn’t expect but they felt very welcome. He hadn’t been sure, but I would happily test it out.

“Really? Well, if I ever go back, then I’ll make sure to let you know how it went.” I said with a smile.

“Thank you. You like turian food?” He wondered.

“Yeah, I actually do. Rations are a little boring, but they’re better than human rations, at least.” I answered with a smile.

He took another long scan of me and looked at the results with a smile. “No sign of anaphylaxis happening. Still not allergic.”

That felt good to know. Of course I had asked for other reasons than me being able to eat turian food. I wasn’t sure if Mordin had pieced that together on his own yet, but I didn’t feel the need to tell him either. If he had, then doctor-patient confidentiality.

But as I looked at Mordin, I could see that he was staring at his omni-tool in what could only be described as a hint of shock and disbelief. Like he had found something that he didn’t expect at all. What was this? Was it something dangerous?

“Is something wrong?” I asked cautiously and he looked back at me with a smile.

“No. Nothing wrong. Some strange readings. Nothing to worry about. Will study further in lab. Might call you down for another test later. Should also be okay to go to room now. Good night, Shepard.” He answered quickly and left.

Strange readings? Another test? What was going on? Why wouldn’t he tell me what he had found? Maybe he thought it was a fluke or a bug that he would want to double check later. At least he said it wasn’t anything to worry about. He was the doctor and I had to trust that he was right.

But I only managed to look at him stunned as he exited the med-bay and probably went back to his lab. My answer came long after he had left, like I had been stunned into silence.

“Good night.”

Chapter Text

We were coming up on Korlus and I was sitting by my terminal with a stunned look on my face. Being officially declared alive again meant that my accounts were handed back to me. First of all, I didn’t have to pay any taxes. A reliable eye witness, Joker, saw me get spaced. I had actually been MIA and declared dead. The tax dodge applied to me.

Secondly… holy fuck. I didn’t often check my accounts, just because I didn’t really care about credits. What did I have in my life that warranted a need for a lot of cash? I didn’t have a home. I didn’t have any family. I never really bought anything for myself, unless I really needed it. So the fact that I had a little over twenty million credits just sitting there blew my mind.

A lot of those assets came from those seven years I spent on Earth. Flat salary and a bonus per completed mission was how I got paid. And I kept myself busy and lived in a sky car. The most days I had off in a row were three. The rest of it came from getting paid from the Council and selling unwanted items from our time hunting Saren. And now I was getting paid from Cerberus. Dirty credits, but credits none the less.

With how cheap I was, I could buy myself a home, retire and live comfortably for the rest of my life with what I had available.

We all knew that wouldn’t happen, though. I liked to work. I liked having something to do. Take a vacation for a few weeks where I would just not do anything? Absolutely. Sit on my ass for the rest of my life? Hell no. Besides, what good did credits do if the Reapers would kill us all? I didn’t like the thought of just sitting idly by and watching the galaxy burn.

While this was surprising, this wasn’t the time to look at my account. This was the time to get ready for this day’s mission. I decided to look at the dossier one last time before I left.

Dr. Okeer

- Millennia of combat and strategic experience
- Rumored familiarity with Collector technology

A brilliant and brutal krogan warlord who fought in the Krogan Rebellions, Dr. Okeer has become obsessed with saving the krogan people from the genophage and is believed to have contacted the Collectors in an attempt to gain technology to that end. He is currently in a Blue Suns camp on Korlus, though the nature of his relationship with the mercenary group is unknown.

Okeer sounded like an obsessed old man. It also sounded like he was extremely ruthless. Like someone I necessarily didn’t want on my team. But we were going up against the Collectors. That ruthlessness and brutality might be just what we needed to tip the scales in our favor. But I didn’t like it one bit.

Since there were Blue Suns on Korlus, I needed heavy damage with me and I needed people who could break shields. So, I brought Garrus with me, of course. I thought about who else to bring for a minute and quickly decided Miranda would join us. She had strong biotics, was a good shot, and could also break shields well. They could work on shields while I could incinerate armor. We would work well together.

I felt extremely excited about finally getting to take my weapons out for a spin. Everything got strapped to me and I quickly felt a little more like myself. I even put on the dark makeup I usually worked with and after looking in the mirror, I finally felt a little more complete.

The shuttle ride down was quiet. If anyone said anything, it always turned out to be about the mission itself. I missed casual conversations. Having fun. Those sort of things. The thing was that I didn’t have that relationship with Miranda at all. Maybe we would have it someday. Garrus was still as quiet as ever. Something was on his mind. But he was a turian. Work meant that his focus was solely on the mission itself.

As long as they both could focus on the mission in the field, then I would be a happy woman. With that said, I wanted to go see Garrus after this mission was done. He had gotten a few days to himself. While they were horrible for me personally – I missed talking to him – I also respected that something was up. I wanted to know what. Offer support, like he had so readily done for me two years ago. Besides, I needed to come clean about the e-mail, so I could put it behind me.

Going down to the planet, I looked around. The area was desolate. It was like a town that had been bombed or something worse. Everything looked like scrap and junk. Looking up, I could make out what I thought was a quarian ship in orbit. It made sense to see them here. Quarians were masters at salvaging and repairing. They were probably waiting for it to be safe before they would land and take what they needed.

We didn’t meet too much resistance on our way forward, at first. Blue Suns were here but we took care of them quickly. Overload to get rid of shields and either a headshot or an incinerate to break armor and burn them to death. A quick process from our team. We quickly found out that Okeer was tank-breeding krogans for this Blue Sun’s leader, Jedore.

I pressured an injured merc to tell us about that. Even made him believe he was seriously injured and that I would save his life if he told us what was going on. He wasn’t that hurt. Medi-gel would take care of the wound, but it wasn’t one he would die from. I felt a little mean for doing it, but I didn’t really care.

We eventually met a tank-bred krogan after fighting through a lot of Blue Suns. He was only seven days old but already a fully grown krogan physically. Mentally, he felt young. He explained he wasn’t perfect. I didn’t quite understand but we didn’t have time to ask about it. He helped us along by removing a metal wall. It made me feel happy that he was friendly, like Garrus also pointed out.

There were caves behind this metal wall and we fought a lot of krogan inside. That was a tough fight. Miranda played a key part in taking them down. Her warp was crucial to interrupt and stop their regen. My incinerate ended up taking care of their armor in full. If anyone came too close, then Garrus just floored them with his concussive rounds so we could finish them off with a headshot. A tough and long battle, but we came out on top.

Jedore was playing a recording of herself all along the path we were walking. She really loved the sound of her own voice. It had also shifted from recordings to her giving out orders. They now sounded more panicked, as her krogans were doing their own thing instead of dealing with us or listening to her.

We got out on the roof and that’s when the real fun began.

First of all, we were swarmed by Blue Sun mercs. It was a long battle, but again, we pulled through in the end. The area was also big, and a good and weird mixture of being too open with too much cover. It made it potentially difficult to do anything at all without getting hit.

But this was easy when I had Garrus by my side again. Working with him was just as good as how I remembered it was. I didn’t have to tell him to do anything at all. He just did what I wanted him to do and he did it exactly when I was about to ask for it. That damned mind reading of his. It felt so good to work with him again. I had really missed it a lot and I felt myself smile as we took down mercs efficiently.

He even started to count his headshots and looked at me with a small smile on his face. Oh! He wanted to compete again? That was unexpected. I happily would, so I smirked at him and played along. I counted my own headshots myself, even if I knew he also was keeping track of them on his visor.

Damn it, I really needed a visor of my own. Keeping track of everything around me? Yes please. Calculate the variables needed for long distance automatically? Hell yes. I had looked for visors, but I was a picky woman when it came to my gear. Most covered half my face or just looked like glasses. They felt like they would be in the way.

I wanted one like Garrus had and that’s why I wanted to ask about it. It just covered his left eye, it wasn’t in the way, and it looked really good. It had to be a rare one, because I had never in my life seen anything like it before. With the credits I had, I would actually buy myself one like his if I could. I totally forgot to ask about it two years ago and I would have to remember to do it when we talked later.

This competition made two things happen. It made me take better shots. I also took chances I normally wouldn’t do. What was better was that they paid off really well. Garrus was also bettering himself with this friendly competition. He cleaned up his aiming, he planned ahead, and he became more picky with his concussive shots. I think we actually ended up being tied in our headshot competition at some point.

But I didn’t want to lose. Our first time out together? Nah, I needed to show who was in charge. I went into cloak and got right in front of the last merc’s face. Miranda didn’t dare take any shots since she didn’t know where I was. I knew Garrus could see me through his visor and I obviously knew he wouldn’t shoot me. I put my M-5 right up against the merc’s head and pulled the trigger. The explosion from the cranial trauma mod that followed felt good to see.

I’d won. Well, at least this round. I turned around to see Garrus smiling at my display. I rolled my neck and cracked my knuckles, and gave him a very smug smile back.

“You’re both insane.” Miranda noted and walked ahead to the laboratory.

I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head. Maybe we were a little insane but this was the fun I’d missed for a long time. So what if we had a little fun while doing this? If it made us more efficient and better at fighting, then why the hell not? I playfully punched Garrus on his left shoulder before we both followed Miranda into the laboratory.

We had to weave through stairs to get to Okeer. At one point we even met a familiar face. Rana Thanoptis. The same asari that had worked on Saren’s base on Virmire. Again she found herself in trouble by us barging in on her and she was quick to point out that she had disabled the cameras so Jedore couldn’t follow our progress. Second chances were all good, but why couldn’t she just stay out of trouble for once?

We didn’t really have the time to deal with her, so I just let her run away to safety and hoped this was the last time I ever saw her. Then we pressed forward until we entered a room that housed a krogan in front of a console. His clan markings were dark, almost pitch black. His armor had a green tint to it. He was huge and looked incredibly intimidating, just like Wrex did. This had to be Doctor Okeer.

Okeer glanced at us before he went back to his console again. “It’s about time. The batteries on these tanks will not wait while you play with these idiotic mercs.”

I stepped forward, slightly confused. “I take it you’re Okeer. You don’t seem particularly caged... or even in need of a rescue.”

“You may claim to be here to help, but the formerly deceased Shepard is not a sign of gentle change.” Okeer said.

I was taken back by that statement. First of all, he recognized me? That was impressive, considering my looks had changed a little since the last time anyone had seen me. And what did he mean about me not being a sign of gentle change?

Okeer turned around towards me at my silence. “Surprised? All krogan should know you. I’m sure Rana has already revisited your actions on Virmire.”

“I’m sure you’re eager to retell the story.” I said sarcastically with a curt smile.

He extended his arms dramatically to his sides like he was in a theatre play and started to pace. “Such a tale! Saren, the Spectre traitor, threatens the return of the krogan horde by curing the genophage, undoing the gentle genocide of the turians and salarians. But before Saren can deliver his endless troops, in rides Shepard, securing victory through nuclear fire. I like that part. It has weight.”

Right, the breeding facility on Virmire. A cure for the genophage. It had to be done. It was crucial that it was destroyed. Saren’s krogans were and would never be anything more than puppets for Sovereign. Ash sacrificed herself to make that happen. Wrex had some understandable concerns but I was incredibly happy that he saw that letting Saren do this was a bad idea.

Was Okeer being sarcastic or did he actually like that part? In case he was being sarcastic, I let him know that I had no regrets about it at all.

I shrugged. “I make no apologies. It had to be done and I guess blowing the place up was the most efficient way of doing it.”

“But I approve. Saren’s pale horde were not true krogan. Numbers alone are nothing. The mistake of an outsider, one that these mercenaries have also made. I gave the leader my rejects for her army. But she grows impatient. It’s time for you to take me out of here.” He said after smiling assuredly to me.

“We’re here for information and help against the Collectors.” Miranda said.

Okeer looked at her. “I see. Yes, Collector attacks have increased. A human concern. My requests were focused elsewhere. I acquired the knowledge to create one pure solider. With that, I will inflict upon the genophage the greatest insult an enemy can suffer. To be ignored.”

I thought back to the tank bred krogan we met, who’d helped us along. “What about the ones you already created? Were they just failures?”

He looked at me with a small glare, not happy with the question. “I failed no one. My rejects are exactly what Jedore asked for. She simply lacks the ability to command. They are strong, healthy, and useless to me. I need perfection. If a few thousand are rejected, so be it. My work will purify the krogan. We will not be restored, we will be renewed.”

I was a bit taken back by the statement and suddenly in the need to double check. “I thought the krogan ideal was a return to the numbers that threatened the galaxy.”

“We will not need numbers. My solider is a template. It is a greater threat than all the phantom siblings that would have been at its flank. The galaxy still bears the scars of the horde. But it will learn to fear the lance.” He answered after shaking his head.

I was still a little confused and needed clarification. “So you don’t want to cure the genophage?”

“Contrary to what survivors claim, the genophage does not produce strong krogan. The only quality it filters is the ability to survive the genophage. For every thousand stillborn, too many weaklings live. Every survivor is branded as precious. That’s produced more coddling than you collective human teats. I say let us carry the genophage! Let a thousand die in a clutch. We will defeat it by climbing atop our dead. That is the krogan way.” He answered.

It was a brutal way of thinking. Against the Collectors, it may be that brutality that we would need to win.

“You’re just as cruel and manipulative as those who released the genophage on your people.” I noted seriously.

Okeer gave me a sly smile. “Perhaps. But I will restore the krogan, and my solider will not provoke a nuclear response as a ‘cure’ or ‘horde’ would. My legacy is perfection, with each pure krogan reaching higher by standing on our dead. They will exceed, but not forget.”

I decided to change the topic and see if he knew anything about the Collectors. “What did you get from the Collectors? Anything that could help us?”

“They are strange. So isolated, yet very available when your sacrifice is big enough. I gave them many krogan. I may have information for you, but the tech was consumed in my prototype. After I determined how to use it without killing the subjects. The deaths were unfortunate, but I only need one success to start the process.” He pondered and tempted at the same time.

He had met the Collectors and maybe he knew something important. With that said, something told me he really didn’t know anything at all. He was speaking in circles on the matter and tempting me with something he didn’t have. Some part of me knew he did it just so he could book safe passage off Korlus.

Not one single part of me liked this guy at all. My gut kept screaming for me to just let him be taken by Jedore, but I really couldn’t let that happen either in case he did know something. But he had mentioned his legacy quite a few times now. I looked over at the tank he was walking around. It was cloudy and not too easy to see details, but there was a beast of a krogan in there. He was massive. A force of nature.

I looked at Okeer. “If your legacy as strong as you say he is, maybe I can use him.”

He didn’t seem to like that. “Perhaps I can strike a deal to secure passage. But my prototype is not negotiable. It is the key to my legacy.”

I didn’t like that answer. Okeer didn’t have anything I could take advantage of. His dossier itself said he had fought in the krogan rebellions. Maybe that would just have to be enough. But I needed a strong fighter on the front lines and preferably one young and full of vigor. Okeer had experience, but he didn’t seem like he was in the mood for battle. So if not Okeer, then maybe his legacy. Before I could argue about it, the speaker came back on.

“Attention! I have traced the krogan release. Okeer, of course. I’m calling ‘blank slate’ on this project. Gas these commandoes and start over from Okeer’s data. Flush the tanks!” Jedore said.

Gas started trickling in through the vents and that was just what we needed, wasn’t it? I looked around, searching for the way forward. We had to stop Jedore before we all died. Okeer grunted and didn’t seem too pleased about what was happening.

“She’s that weak willed? She’ll kill my legacy with a damned valve! Shepard! You want information on the Collectors? Stop her. She’ll try to access contaminants in the storage bay.” He said to me.

I felt myself getting angry. “Oh, so now you know something? Don’t fuck with me, Okeer.”

“I will give you everything I can. My legacy must not suffer this insult. Jedore will be with the rejected tanks. Kill her. I will... stay and do what must be done.” Okeer promised, sounding both desperate and peaceful at the same time.

I groaned and motioned Garrus and Miranda to follow, and then we went further along. We eventually found our way to the area where Jedore was hiding. Rows of tanks went along an upper level and she was on the opposite side to where we were. She started cackling and sent her two krogan soldiers at us.

Those weren’t really an issue, though. What was the issues, was the YMIR mech standing in the middle of the room.

“Mech on the field. Get into cover!” I yelled.

I looked around and tried to find a way for us to get to her as fast as possible. The mech was alternating shooting rockets and bullets at us. Jedore kept herself busy by shooting rockets at us. The two krogan were closing in as well.

We were in cover behind empty tanks. I had to think fast about what to handle first. The krogan could charge us. That would be bad and we needed to take them down first. I decided to let the mech stay on the field for now.

“We gotta deal with the krogan first, before they charge us.” I decided to the others.

I burned them and Miranda made sure their regen stopped right away with her warp. As soon as the krogans were directly in our lines of sight, a well-placed headshot from both Garrus and I finished them off.

Next was the mech. It was slow and couldn’t reach us, but it wouldn’t let up the fire it was throwing at us. Together with Jedore’s rockets meant that we were stuck. Trapped. I needed a plan but was struggling to find one right now.

“What do you think, Garrus?” I asked.

He peeked over the cover before ducking down again. “We need a diversion to be able to take this thing down. It won’t let up fire long enough for us to do anything to it.”

A diversion. Yeah, that could work. I nodded at him and thought about how I would do this for a moment before I had a plan ready.

“Alright. I’ll divert its attention. I’ll go into cloak and get to the other side. As I’m passing it, I’ll decloak and get its attention. As soon as it turns around, get to work on that bastard. As long as it’s focused on me, you’ll have all the time you need to take it down.” I explained.

Garrus nodded at me. He was used to my risks and recklessness at this point, so I guess it didn’t surprise him that I would so quickly put myself in danger. Miranda nodded too, but her eyes simultaneously went wide with shock. I wasn’t sure why she was so shocked and I really didn’t care about it.

I smiled at Garrus and gave him a wink. “See you on the other side, big guy.”

I went into cloak and rolled out of cover. Jedore was at the right side of a huge tank on the other side of the area. I saw that if I stood at the left side I would be shielded from her fire, while still being safe from the mech. Fingers crossed she didn’t see me, though.

I ran across the field and just before I passed the mech, planted a shot into the mech to get its attention which decloaked me, and sprinted behind cover. The plan worked so far. The mech turned around to fire at me. I barely managed to jump into cover before it opened fire again. Unfortunately, Jedore had also noticed me running across the field.

I was a little trapped and my cloak wasn’t ready yet.

I could hear Jedore walking towards where I was. Slowly, like she wanted to let me stew in fear. I smiled to myself. I wasn’t scared. Having already died once, it wasn’t as bad physically as people said it would be. Not that I wanted to die at all, but I had no fear of it anymore.

I slowed my breathing, closed my eyes and sharpened my ears to gather information. I could hear Garrus and Miranda working hard to take down the mech. Its armor was down, and it was close to being destroyed. I also heard Jedore was right at the corner. One more step from her and she would see me. I had to act now if I was going to survive this and my cloak was luckily ready to go.

Opening my eyes just as she rounded the corner and saw me, I smiled and gave her a wink before I went into cloak again. I used the explosion of the mech to get away without her hearing where I was. I rolled to the left, and slowly walked behind her. I coded Miranda and Garrus to overload her shields as I casually got up right behind her. I took out my M-5 and pointed it at her head.

I took the shot just as I decloaked, and she fell to her death after her head exploded from the cranial trauma mod. That felt so very awesome. That was a kind of takedown you saw in movies and it made me feel childishly good about myself. I holstered my M-5 and walked over towards Miranda and Garrus with a smile on my face.

“Good thinking, Garrus. That went exactly according to our plan. And I got to take her down with a headshot. I think that means I win.” I said smugly.

“Hey, that’s not fair. The mech’s worth at least two points.” Garrus playfully argued back.

I hummed as I thought about it for a second. While he hadn’t taken it down all by himself, he had come up with the plan and he had worked on the mech while I was busy taking the heat and killing Jedore. Yeah, I would let him have it.

“All right, it’s worth two points. Tied?” I asked and raised one eyebrow at him.

“Tied.” He agreed with a smile.

I chuckled at the banter. Miranda alternated looking at me and Garrus before she just shook her head. It had to be boring and tiring to be so incredibly serious all the time. I wondered what her problem was.

We then heard an alarm going off and Miranda was the one who pointed it out first. “Alarms in the lab! Damn it, what’s Okeer doing back there?”

According to lab scanners, the room is flooded with toxins, and Okeer’s personal life signs are failing rapidly. I recommend haste.

Of course it was because nothing ever went the right way. We sprinted back to the lab, but we were way too late. Okeer was dead and his confession played on this console as we entered the room. He didn’t know anything about the Collectors, as I’d suspected. He kept rambling about his legacy and just wouldn’t shut up about it. Maybe we would gain something from this after all.

I took another look at the krogan in the tank. Having him on my team wouldn’t be bad. Having any krogan on our team wouldn’t be bad at all. It wouldn’t be Wrex, but any badass krogan never was a bad idea. I decided to bring him with me, as we got off world.

Just as we entered the Normandy we parted ways to clean off the mess of the day. This had been a good mission. It wasn’t necessarily the end result I felt happy with, but rather the fact that it felt good to be out in the field with Garrus again. We even had a little fun with the mercs we were taking down.

He seemed to have calmed down a little and was more like himself. After cleaning my armor and weapons, that meant that I reached for the vanilla scrub in the shower to pamper myself a little extra. We both liked the smell of it but I had to admit that I used it for his pleasure this time. I wanted to smell good for him. Being something more than just friends wasn’t guaranteed. If it didn’t happen, then I would look at it as if I was making my best friend feel better by smelling good.

A weird sense of logic, but I didn’t have the energy to argue with myself on the matter.

I told Joker to set the course for Purgatory and left my loft to head down to the second floor with my M-5. Miranda and Jacob wanted to debrief in the comm room. Why always them two? Miranda made sense because she was my X.O., but why Jacob? Was he the welcome comity, or something? Did he get to, because him and Miranda had history? A sort of special privilege you got for sleeping with the boss? I went down and met them there. Walking in, I could sense Jacob and Miranda already had been discussing this krogan already.

Miranda looked at me. “Bringing the krogan for study makes sense, but I have concerns about waking it.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that a few times now.” Jacob said and she shot him a glare.

“A normal krogan is dangerous. This one was created, and likely educated, by a madman.” She said and I guess she was right about that.

I was feeling good about today’s mission, even though things didn’t go exactly to plan. Having Okeer here himself felt like something I didn’t want. I didn’t like him. But replacing him with an adult krogan baby seemed like a good idea. Maybe he would be young enough to gain input from me.

“I see everyone’s concerned about our krogan adult baby. Concerns?” I asked with a smile.

“We don’t know anything about it, Commander.” Miranda explained.

I smiled and raised my eyebrows to her. “I know. You don’t find that exiting?”

“Krogan fight well at close quarters. Perhaps awakening him in a confined space wouldn’t be prudent.” She offered up.

I guess that made sense. No harm in being extra careful. I had been charged a few times by krogan and it wasn’t fun at all. Some space between us while I let him out of his cage seemed like a good idea. I even knew which room I wanted him in.

“Noted. The cargo hold is safe enough while I decide what to do with him.” I decided.

The meeting was over. Jacob saluted me like the good boy he was, and left. Miranda didn’t. She lingered in the room and I sensed she wanted to ask me something.

“Something on your mind, Miranda?” I asked with a smile.

She looked at me with an unsure expression. “It’s just... Seeing you so recklessly taking the heat for us on the field. Is that wise, Commander?”

I could sense there was an underlying question there. Something that was bothering her about what had happened today. I didn’t think it was about me taking the heat but I still answered her like that was the case.

“We needed a plan. Garrus came up with one on the spot. It worked out. I don’t see the issue here. I was the only one who could do it, anyway. No one here, except Kasumi, has the tactical cloak I have.” I explained with a shrug.

“And that’s another thing. I’ve often seen that you let your subordinates guide you. You’re the Commander. Why do you let others influence your decisions”?” She asked.

That was what this was about. I smiled at her. I understood she came from a very different place and wasn’t used to this. In her world she was in charge. She was the one who gave out the orders. The only person she took orders from was the one on top. Commander-mode was something I didn’t prefer to do at all. I had sometimes. Situations called for it at times. But I didn’t like doing it unless I had no choice.

I decided to give her an honest answer and hoped this would be a different viewpoint for her. “The harm in me just telling people what to do, is that I can get stuck in one way of working. You’ve read my file. You know my achievement. You even know I used a vanilla scented sugar scrub. If you think my achievements happened because of me alone, then you’re very wrong. I like gathering information from everyone. That way, I can see solutions I maybe couldn’t see before. If you want to better yourself, isn’t it better to ask for input than just do what you think is right and possibly fail?”

That was the half of it. I wasn’t some exceptional woman that managed to save the galaxy all by myself. I had a team on Illyria and I had a team while we took down Saren and Sovereign. Sometimes I fucked up big time, like I did on Earth, and I wanted to avoid doing that again. What if I couldn’t see any solutions and needed one ASAP? What then? I wouldn’t ask because I was in charge? No way.

The other half of it was that as the person in charge, I wanted to make sure that everyone bettered themselves. Evolved. Got better. Like how I’d worked with Kaidan before the Normandy got blown up. Everyone got a shot at coming up with solutions. If it was a solution that wouldn’t work, then we talked about why that wouldn’t work. If it was one that would work, then we did it and everyone got told they did a good job.

Miranda thought about this for a while and seemed to see my side of it. “I guess you’re right. I’ve never thought about it like that before, Commander.”

“I’m gonna head down to the cargo hold now. Need to figure out what to do with our guest. Have a great evening, Miranda.” I said and started heading to the door.

I stopped before I reached it and turned around to face her again. The ‘Commander’ thing was bothering me and I wanted to make sure it stopped right now. As long as she knew I was in charge of this mission and this ship, I didn’t need her to go all Commander-mode on me.

“Call me Shepard, Miranda.” I said and left.

I went to the elevator and took it down to the engineering deck. Walking into the cargo hold this krogan was in, I felt a little nervous. This could very well end badly for either the krogan or myself. But as the person in charge, I wanted to be the one who took care of it. I had to. Besides, a krogan wouldn’t appreciate me bringing backup to just let him out of his cage. I needed to stand my ground and show that I wasn’t scared of him.

I took a better look at him and he really was massive. His scales were a light grey color. It almost looked like silver. His armor was fairly light, which surprised me. I’d think Okeer would put a heavy armor on his legacy. His hump wasn’t as big as the one I’d seen on Okeer or even on Wrex. Maybe that was because of his age? He made up for it in pure weight and strength, though. He was both impressive and intimidating.

Safety first. I holstered my M-5 to my back and contemplated on what to do. Maybe I could get some readings from EDI that would help me figure this guy out.

“What can you tell me about this guy, EDI? Anything unusual?” I asked.

The subject is an exceptional example of the krogan species, with fully formed primary, secondary, and tertiary organs, where applicable. No defects of any kind, aside from the genetic markers of the genophage present in all krogan. I cannot judge mental functioning.

“Any idea how dangerous this guy is?” I asked and realized it was a stupid question just as I did.

He is a krogan, Mika. If you are asking whether he is actively hostile, I don’t have the necessary data to answer. Okeer’s technology could impart data, not methods of thinking. The subject may know of his views, but would not necessarily share them.

The snarky first sentence made me chuckle to myself. And as I thought, she didn’t know at all. What was interesting was that Okeer probably had imprinted her views into him. This was an individual, though. I wondered if I could make sure he didn’t agree with Okeer and his views at all.

“Can he see anything in there? Does he know where he is?” I wondered.

Current neural patterns indicate minimal cognition. Barring ship-wide power loss, the nutrients in the tank could sustain him for over a year.

So there was no hurry with opening the tank. With that said, I didn’t want to wait to open it. If I had learned anything valuable over the few years I had done the exact opposite of what I liked to do, then it was that I wanted to deal with things right away. That included potentially dangerous krogan adult babies.

“I’m going to open the tank and let him out.” I decided.

Cerberus protocol is very-

“Yeah, you know, I won’t be second guessed by my own ship. He’s either a powerful addition to the crew or a time bomb. I’d rather deal with it now.” I answered sternly.

Very well, Mika. The controls are online. The switch, and consequences, are yours.

Such a dramatic AI we had! I took another deep breath to calm my nerves and prepared myself for anything to happen from this point. A part of me thought it would be better to maybe have backup ready, just in case. But I tossed the thought aside.

I entered in the release command and took a few steps back. The tank opened slowly and water ran out from it. The krogan fell down but caught himself with his hands. Already cognizant. Impressive. He coughed up water for a couple of seconds and opened his eyes. They were an icy blue and they quickly found mine.

I was about to say something, but apparently this krogan was a quick one. He charged me and slammed me against the wall with his right forearm alone. He was incredibly strong and he spent a few seconds checking me out. I worked on staying calm and not breaking eye contact.

“Human. Female. Before you die, I need a name.” He simply said.

“I’m Commander Mikaela Shepard. I don’t take threats lightly. I suggest you calm the fuck down.” I said and tried to sound stoic and mean about it.

The krogan shook his head and I realized I had misunderstood. “Not your name. Mine. I am trained, I know things, but the tank… Okeer couldn’t implant connection. His words are hollow.”

The krogan looked away and spent some time thinking about what his name was going to be. As he did, I started to take out my M-5 while still looking at his eyes. This was one of the few times having a big ass was helpful. My lower back didn’t hit the wall at all and so I could freely get my M-5.

“Warlord, legacy, grunt... grunt. ‘Grunt’ was among the last. It has no meaning. It’ll do. I am Grunt. If you are worthy of your command, prove your strength and try to destroy me.” Grunt finally said and moved his eyes back to mine.

“You wouldn’t prefer ‘Okeer’ or ‘Legacy’?” I asked.

“It’s short. Matches the training in my blood. The other words are big things I don’t feel. Maybe they fit your mouth better. I feel nothing for Okeer’s clan or his enemies. I will do what I am bred to do - fight and determine the strongest - but his imprint as failed. Without a reason that’s mine, one fight is as good as any other. Might as well start with you.” He answered and gave me a sadistic smile.

His threats were there to throw me off and I just ignored them. He was like a huge man-child. Kinda like a teenager. He needed to have his actions ignored so he wouldn’t think that I was thrown off by his threats. I needed to prove that I was stronger than him. I was actually in awe over the fact that he would so easily not follow Okeer.

“Is it that easy for Okeer’s perfect krogan to abandon his mission?” I asked.

“Okeer is just a voice in the tank. If his imprints are true, then he created something stronger than him. So he’s not worthy of me. And if his hatreds aren’t strong enough to compel me, they’ve failed too. I feel nothing. I have no connection.” Grunt explained.

I thought about my options. He would be a strong asset on my team. He was not only a krogan, but a perfect example of the species. He would never be Wrex. Wrex was irreplaceable. But he would definitely be a great tank that could mow down enemies on the frontlines like Wrex used to do.

“I have a good ship and a strong crew. A strong clan. You’d make it stronger.” I said and slowly moved my M-5 to his chest.

“If you’re weak and choose weak enemies, I’ll have to kill you.” Grunt sternly promised and I smiled.

“Oh, I can promise you that our enemies are worthy. No doubt about that.” I answered confidently.

He thought about it for a few seconds. This would either mean that we had a krogan on our team or that I would have to shower krogan blood off myself again. I hoped the first would be true, of course. Him humming approvingly told me that he was going to accept my offer of joining my team.

“Hmm. Hmph! That’s... acceptable. I’ll fight for you.” He agreed.

“I’m glad you saw reason.” I said with a smile and a wink.

Grunt looked down, to see my M-5 pressed up against his chest. He looked up at me with a smile and a laugh before I finally was let down to my own two feet again.

“Ha! Offer one hand, but arm the other. Wise, Shepard. If I find a clan, if I find what I... I want, I will be honored to eventually pit them against you.” He said.

I holstered my M-5 and let out a breath I apparently was holding. I tried to talk to him, but he just blew me off and said I talked to much. Fair enough. I did tell him about our mission and what we were fighting. He didn’t seem too interested. He only wanted to fight. He felt like a child in many ways. Focused on one thing, violent, and happy-go-lucky in his own krogan way. My own krogan adult man-baby. I looked forward to seeing him out in the field and left him alone after that.

With that out of the way, I went back up to the third floor. I wanted to talk to Garrus about that e-mail just so that I could put it behind me, and nerves announced themselves as I thought about it. Of course I hoped for a ‘yes’. I still had feelings for the man. But I would accept a ‘no’ without any issues at all. I would understand. It had been two years for him. I just needed an answer so I could move on.

The walk over to the main batteries felt like it was way too short. But as I arrived in front of his door, I found myself fixing my hair and taking a deep breath. Then I opened the door.

Garrus was standing by his terminal and doing whatever it was he was doing. He glanced behind himself as he saw me enter.

“Shepard. Anything I can do for you?” He asked.

It just felt like such a weird way of asking why I was there. A little too formal. I didn’t like it at all. It felt like I was inconveniencing him by being there. But I ignored it and wouldn’t point it out to him. We needed this talk, he was my best friend, and I had given him a lot of time to himself at this point. Maybe a little selfish, but right now, I didn’t care.

“Yeah. Do you have some time to talk?” I asked.

His head turned away from me and back to the console. “Maybe later? I’m right in the middle of some calibrations here.”

His calibrations couldn’t wait for the five minutes it would take for me to talk to him? While I appreciated him working on the guns seriously to make sure they would be perfect, it felt like that really could wait. He was the master calibrator on the original Normandy, too, but he always gave me five minutes when I stopped by. This actually hurt. But I couldn’t force him to talk to me, so I swallowed down my hurt and acted like an adult.

“Okay. Just come up when you want to talk.” I said and left.

Back in my loft, I did what I could to make it easy for him to come talk to me. I told EDI to let my door recognize his omni-tool. The same access that I had on mine, basically. He could come up whenever he wanted to and he could just walk straight in to see me. I hoped he would at some point. It was clear something was bothering him. I just hoped he would end up telling me what it was about.

Chapter Text

It took another three days to reach Purgatory. Guess who hadn’t come up to talk at all during that time? It saddened me and slightly panicked me at the same time, and it made my thoughts go wild. Had I done something wrong? Had I offended Garrus in some way? If I had, unknowingly or not, I wanted to fix it, but to do that, I needed to talk to him.

The problem was that every time I went down to talk, his door was either locked or he was busy with his calibrations. Now, that was a word I was slowly getting tired of hearing. Calibrations. I often wanted to tell him to shove his calibrations right back up his ass. I couldn’t do that either. Demanding his time wasn’t the way I wanted to handle this at all. If there was one person I didn’t want that kind of relationship with, it was Garrus.

So I read the next dossier instead to learn more about who we were picking up as we were chasing the Purgatory.

Jack (no last name known)

- Exceptional biotic ability
- Note: Criminal background, currently in custody

Jack is rumored to be the most powerful human biotic ever encountered. Very little additional data regarding Jack is available, except that the subject has a history of violence and should be approached carefully. Currently, Jack is being held on the turian prison ship Purgatory. Cerberus has negotiated for the prisoner’s release.

They were being vague with details about Jack. The name was a little too androgenous for me to just assume that this was a man. A powerful biotic, though. That was never a bad thing to have on our team. This Jack also had a criminal background and I guess that was why they were on a prison ship. I also had a criminal background. I could empathize with that.

Having a prison ship seemed like a weirdly good and bad idea. I could imagine the despair the prisoners felt. No hope of escape. At the same time, that would also be the safest place to put extremely dangerous people. They wouldn’t be able to escape at all.

Mika, Doctor Mordin Solus would like to see you in his lab.

It broke my thoughts and surprised me a lot. Mordin? What did he want to see me for? I furrowed my brows but decided to head down to the labs to see what this was about. Just as I entered, already dressed in my armor ready for the mission today, he seemed excited and maybe a little stressed at the same time.

“Shepard. Glad you came. Sit down. Eat.” He hurriedly said and handed me a bowl of food.

He seemed so in control of what was he wanted me to do that I didn’t dare do anything other than what he told me to do. I started to eat and realized quickly I was eating dextro rations again. Mordin silently stared at me as I ate. A confused stare was what I offered up back to him as I didn’t understand what was going on.

Just as I finished eating my bowl he took another long scan of me with his omni-tool. It was just as long as it had been the last time when I was drunk out of my mind. Then he stared at the results and seemed just as taken back as he was the last time. Confused, but excited at the same time. He had either found something very wrong with me or something he didn’t expect at all.

I just had to ask at that point because I was starting to get a little worried about my health. “Mordin, what is this about? Is something wrong with me?”

“No. Nothing wrong. Freak of nature.” He answered as he looked at me.

I was a freak of nature? I guess having a doctor confirm that I was what I felt like stung a little more than I hoped it would. My look must have changed and become either sad or weird, because he shook his head and clarified what he meant.

“No. Not like that. Special. One of a kind. Breaking all the rules of nature. Shouldn’t be possible.” Mordin clarified and it still didn’t make sense.

“In what way?” I asked.

And then he went on a long rant that I understood exactly nothing of. Too technical. Too medical. Way too fast. What was clear was that he felt excited about what he had discovered from doing these tests and his excitement ended up rubbing off on me. It was fun to look at and I smiled. And while it was fun to look at, he quickly understood that I didn’t have a clue what he had just told me.

“Yeah, I don’t understand anything. Why don’t you just give me the dumbed down explanation?” I offered up.

“Dextro-amino acids and levo-amino acids are mirror worlds. Opposites. Therefore your levo-body can’t read dextro-information.” He explained slowly and even showed me his hands to gesture the mirrored sense of dextro versus levo.

“I know that.” I said while nodding.

“Nano-bots break down food you eat. Also in repair mode. Suspect it’s a lot deeper than simple repair mode. No. It is a lot deeper than that.” He continued just as slowly.

“Okay?”

Mordin thought for a moment to decide how he wanted to say this. “Easiest explanation? They flip the amino acids.”

I sat there in silence and thought about what he just said. They flip the amino acids? Mirror worlds. Wait. Was he really suggesting what I think he was suggesting? That was… incredibly impossible. Like, that really shouldn’t be possible at all. It also made me understand why he called me a freak of nature and if he confirmed what my next question would be, then I actually would appreciate being one.

“Are you saying that my body breaks down dextro-food?” I asked and he nodded.

“Yes. Another thing. They seem to get better. More information equals efficiency. They learn from the kind of information you give.” He added eagerly.

Nah, I didn’t really care about the rest. What I heard was just one sentence and I had to ask about it again. One I often wished was the case because I loved the way it tasted. I often wished this was true because I would love to live off it. Cerberus had unknowingly given me something I actually wanted and I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face as I asked.

“I can eat turian food and live off it?” I asked.

“Discovery of a life time and you think about eating turian food?” Mordin wondered confused.

I shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m a simple woman. I love turian food. I’ll never eat anything else ever again.”

And that was my retirement plan worked out when I got old. Buy a house on Palaven, eat turian food all day long, and take daily walks under Trebia with a smile on my face. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea to me.

“Something else. Your cybernetics can be improved.” Mordin added.

“How?” I asked.

“Add heavy skin weaves, strengthen cybernetics… whatever you want. If your gene therapy still wasn’t active, could have done that again.” He explained.

I guess that was good information to have, so I nodded and smiled. “I’ll think about it.”

This was all he wanted me there for, so I walked out of his lab with a smile on my face. While it should have been impossible, I really didn’t care if I was the one freakish exception to that rule this time. I would really have to up my turian language learning so I could really delve deep into food, recipes and such. Living off this was an impossible dream come true.

I couldn’t wait to tell Garrus… right, he wasn’t talking to me. I couldn’t tell him, unless he stopped avoiding talking to me. Maybe he would be up for watching a movie with me tonight? I could make us some turian steak or fish and relish the look on his face as I ate the same thing he ate. That seemed like a good idea the more I thought about it. It all depended on him actually wanting to do it, though.

This wasn’t that important, though. We were closing in on Purgatory. This was a maximum-security prison starship run by a turian called Warden Kuril. I didn’t know anything about him. There were also some unsettling rumors about this ship. Rumor had it that it was run by Blue Sun mercenaries. I hoped for an easy extraction but I already felt things would take a very different turn. They always did.

In case there were Blue Sun mercenaries there, we needed a team that could drop shields and crush armor as fast as possible. I brought heavy fire with me again. Garrus and Miranda. Maybe Garrus also would have some helpful insight since this was a turian prison ship. I bet Grunt would come along if I asked him, but I decided on efficiency this time.

We were in our usual getup and it wasn’t until we were by the cockpit that I understood that I had a second knife in my front pocket. A butterfly knife? I did have one that I sometimes played with, but why was this here in my pocket? This was for show and not one I could use. While it was pointy, it wasn’t sharp at all. It was made for silly tricks. I didn’t feel like taking it out. That meant going back up to my room and since we would be docking in five minutes or so, I let it be there.

We stood by the cockpit looking out over the Purgatory. It reminded me of a twisted version of an old school fishing fly. It was grey and boring and looked incredibly sad. We stood in silence waiting for the ship to dock. As it did, we walked out into the prison and I guess it felt like any other prison would. Cold and empty. Grey and sterile. We were quickly met by three turian guards and the one in the middle spoke.

“Welcome to the Purgatory, Shepard. Your package is being prepped, and you can claim it shortly. As this is a high-security vessel, you’ll need to relinquish your weapons before we proceed.” He said curtly.

I smiled at him politely. “Nah. That’s not gonna happen.”

They became uneasy by me denying to turn over my weapons and that was my first clue that shit would go down today. Then came another turian. This was a big man. Not as big as Garrus, but certainly big enough. He looked older, his plates and skin were a dull grey and I noticed right away that there was something off about him.

“Everyone stand down. Commander, I’m Warden Kuril, and this is my ship. Your weapons will be returned on the way out. You must realize this is just a standard procedure.” Kuril said.

I smiled to him just as politely as I had done with the other guard. “Well, it’s my standard procedure to keep my gun.”

Kuril eyed us carefully. He didn’t seem pleased with my answer but I really didn’t care. No way I would go further in unarmed. I took my time to study his face as he was busy eyeing us and that’s when I noticed what was off about him. Something was missing from his face. Something I’d seen on all turians I’d met before, with the exception of Saren.

He didn’t have any clan markings. A bare-face. Someone who had disconnected themselves from their past. Someone not to be trusted. And that was my second clue that shit would go down today.

“Let them proceed. Our facility is more than secure enough to handle three armed guests.” He decided and smiled politely.

He was polite but he didn’t seem to like the thought at all. The small threat that he would take us down didn’t go unnoticed by me. Yeah, this was a fucking trap, wasn’t it? How would it play out, though? That remained to be seen. The doors behind us closed and we followed Kuril as he walked deeper into the Purgatory.

“We’re bringing Jack out of cryo. As soon as the funds clear, you can be on your way. Cellblock Two.” He explained and motioned to outside the window that overlooked what had to be Cellblock Two.

I noticed a machine out the window on my right side. It was handling boxes. Picking them up and placing them somewhere else. What were those boxes? I felt so curious about them but didn’t really have to ask. Kuril liked to talk and brag as we made these rounds.

“As you can see, we keep tight control over the population. Each prisoner’s cell is a self-contained, modular unit. I’ve blown a few out the airlocks as an example.” He explained.

So, they were prison cells. I guess handling them like this wasn’t such a bad idea, considering dangerous criminals were here. I understood the caution. Why he had blown a few out the airlock, I didn’t understand. I would have taken his word for it. Was he showing off? Why? That wasn’t very turian of him. Then again, he was a bare-faced one.

“The ship is made up of 30 cell blocks identical to this one – we house thousands of criminals. We can put the whole place in lockdown on a moment’s notice. Nothing goes wrong here.” He ended and looked at me.

Even if this was a trap and he was an asshole, this actually was impressive and I found myself wanting to know more about him. “How did you end up running this ship?”

“I was in law enforcement on Palaven and got sick of seeing criminals escape out into the galaxy to carry on with their crimes. Bounty hunters aren’t dependable. Eventually I hit upon this idea. Keep the criminals in space and the galaxy is a safer place.” He answered.

“You do this because you think it’s necessary?” I wondered curiously.

“Every day I see the worst sapient life has to offer. Governments are soft, unwilling to make the hard choices. Someone had to stand up and make the galaxy safe.” He explained confidently.

His talking kinda reminded me of Garrus for a moment. He had also felt held back by the red tape. Kuril was a vigilante in his own way, but he was a vigilante that would end up betraying us at some point. Garrus didn’t do that. A part of me wanted it to happen sooner rather than later, just so we could get it over with. Another small and dying part of me hoped we could get Jack and leave before it happened.

“What about costs? Maintaining a population this size in space can’t be cheap.” I noted.

“We can cut corners that governments can’t. And each prisoner brings in a fee from his homeworld. These individuals are violent, and their home planets pay well to keep them here.” He answered and I wondered what happened if they didn’t.

“What happens if the homeworld doesn’t want to pay?” I curiously asked.

Something told me this wasn’t anything he did for free. This was a private prison, not one run by the government. If they were working with the Blue Suns, they also would do whatever they could to make sure the prisoner’s homeworld paid. That’s why I wanted to know what happened if they didn’t. To gain some clues, basically.

“We explain that we can’t maintain the prisoner without their help, so we’ll be forced to release him back onto his homeworld. At an unspecified place and time.” He explained.

“So it’s an extortion racket.” Miranda pointed out.

Yeah. She’d stolen the words out of my mouth. While I could agree that the intentions were good, this was extremely shady. Like how I would expect a gang to operate. I think we were at the fourth thing suggesting this was a trap now. Weapons, bare-face, threat and extortion. This man’s actions matched the fact that he didn’t have clan markings. That was for certain.

“You don’t have to agree with my methods, but don’t question my motives. These are despicable people, and I am keeping them locked up.” Kuril answered Miranda calmly, though the smallest growls told me that he didn’t like what she said.

I didn’t want to waste any more time, and down to business I went. “Can you tell me about Jack?”

His eyes widened. “Cerberus hasn’t told you? Jack is the meanest handful of violence and hate I’ve ever encountered. Dangerous, crazy, and very powerful. You’ll see soon enough.”

I smiled to myself and thought that didn’t sound too bad at all. I needed more crazy on my team to balance out all of the Cerberus stuck up-ness. The more people we got that weren’t Cerberus, the better in my mind. Crazy would also be what we would need to beat the Collectors and the Reapers.

“Let’s get on with this.” I said and we continued walking further into a corridor.

“Have there been escape attempts?” Garrus asked Kuril curiously.

Kuril chuckled. “We’re in space – they have nowhere to go, and they know it. But still, we exercise extreme caution. These are dangerous individuals. We have many ways to control the population.”

As he was talking, we saw two prisoners being separated by some sort of force field. I noticed there was a power outlet in the middle of the machine. Like some sort of power source. I filed it away for later as it could be our way to get out of here in one piece when the trap showed itself.

“I’m going to confirm that the funds from Cerberus cleared. Outprocessing is straight down this hallway. Just keep going past the interrogation rooms and the supermax wing.” Kuril said.

Uh-huh. Sure you were. He turned around and walked out of the hallway we were in. Before he left he stopped and shot a quick glance at me.

“I’ll catch up with you later… Shepard.” He menacingly added.

And that was hint number five. That menacing way he said my name. Oh, boy. I couldn’t wait for this trap to unfold now. We continued walking a few hallways further in. We stopped at a cell where a guard was beating a prisoner mercilessly. Another guard was just standing outside and watching what was happening in front of him like he was watching paint dry.

“You don’t even get good information that way. After a point, victims admit to anything to make the pain stop.” Garrus said.

He called them ‘victims’ instead of ‘prisoners’ in this context and I actually liked that. He also sounded sad. I agreed with him. This was despicable on so many levels. After talking to the guard outside, I got him to stop his colleague from beating his victim anymore.

A prisoner wanted to talk to us. He asked if we could buy him, too and that confused me for a second. That’s when he told us that people bought prisoners to be used like the buyers pleased. It made me sick and that was the sixth thing telling me this was a trap. We explained that we were there for Jack. He quickly changed his mind about joining us after that.

We walked along. There was another prisoner who talked about hearing the screaming in his head, and how he liked it. Creepy. We passed him, not keen on getting into a weird conversation with him at all.

We eventually entered a large room. I suspected this was the interrogation room but it looked more like a canteen. It felt like we were in the wrong place but this was where Kuril told us to go. At the end of the room was a door. I opened it and wouldn’t you know what I saw. It was a prison cell. I sighed.

“There we go.” I said quietly.

“My apologies, Shepard. You’re more valuable as a prisoner than a customer. Drop your weapons and proceed into this open cell. You will not be harmed.” Kuril said through a speaker system.

I shook my head and smiled to myself. “You talked up your noble intentions with this prison. But it turns out you’re a bare-faced dirty little criminal like the rest.”

He didn’t like me saying that and quickly got defensive. “Activate systems!”

We hurried into cover at the desks in front of us. This was a prison. It would be swarming with guards. Not only that, I bet it would also be swarming with mechs of some kind. Probably FENRIS mechs, those creepy ones that looked like dogs. I didn’t like them at all. They died quickly enough but it was just the way they barked in their robot voices that threw me off.

“Alright, guys. Since nothing’s ever simple anymore, we’re getting Jack and fighting our way out of here. I guess they’ll be bringing out the mechs and their guards now. If you see any FENRIS mechs, then concentrate on them first.” I decided as I cocked my Black Widow ready.

We were actually bombarded by Blue Suns and FENRIS mechs. I focused on the mechs as Garrus and Miranda worked on the mercs. When I couldn’t see any more mechs, I joined them in dropping guards. There were a lot of them, just like I’d suspected. We took out at least twenty of them here. I wondered how many there really were further in.

We turned to the left in the hallway we came from and eventually found ourselves in the supermax wing. There was a control panel in front of us. In front of it stood a technician who was eager to fight us, but he didn’t have any shields or armor. Why were people without any protection so eager to die? I sighed, walked up to him and shot him in the head with my M-5. He fell down to his knees after his head exploded, and as I walked up to the controls.

“If we hack that control, every door on the cellblock opens.” Miranda stated.

“It’s the only way to get Jack out of cryo.” Garrus argued and I nodded in agreement to that.

“Yeah. I’m doing it. Be ready.” I said and entered the command to release her.

A grip controller went into action right away. It opened up a container on the floor. In there was a small woman. A tiny one with her hair shaved off. The only thing she was wearing from her waist up, were tattoos. Suspenders covered her breasts. Well. They covered her nipples, at least.

She suddenly opened her eyes and spent a couple of seconds looking around in both confusion and shock. Then she ripped her arms free from the metal restraints and ripped the restraint around her neck away. As she got to her feet, she eyed three YMIR mechs that were getting ready to take her down. The crazy woman charged them with a biotic charge. All we could see was an explosion, as she continued charging through a wall.

I was in awe. This was the kind of crazy I wanted on my team.

“We have to get down there!” Miranda exclaimed.

We ran outside the doors and went down to where Jack was held. All three mechs were destroyed, and there was a huge hole in the wall. This girl was insanely strong. We overheard the ship calling out warnings about the prisoners being loose, just as expected. We were in covert mission mode, so the only thing that mattered was Jack.

Warden Kuril was also calling out commands over the intercom. Didn’t really listen too closely to what he had to say. He mention Jack by name and my guess was that he was feeling anxious about her being on the loose. I understood why.

We continued going forward, following Jack’s footsteps and path of destruction. Eventually we entered what looked like a common room. Looking at the destruction Jack had carved out, Garrus commented that she was powerful, but lacked subtlety. I agreed but didn’t mind that. She was exactly what I wanted on my team.

We walked onto a bridge and got in cover. The area below us was filled with both Blue Sun, a heavy mech and prisoners. Having the high ground made this simple. We took them out with ease and the fight didn’t take too long at all. EDI warned us that Kuril had locked the path behind us and it felt like he was funneling us into a specific area of the ship. We would need to go forward to find a way out but that would also be where the rest of the trap would be.

Across the room were a couple of dead guards we hadn’t taken out in front of a door. “They never stood a chance, did they? Swarmed by prisoners, probably with modded weapons.”

“Shows you what kind of people these prisoners are. I don’t agree with everything they do here, but it’s in the galaxy’s best interests. This guard kept maniacs away from innocent people.” Garrus answered.

“I mean… yes and no. The idea itself isn’t a bad one. But from what we’ve seen, these prisoners experience a lot of brutality from these guards. The fact that they retaliate with the same kind of brutality doesn’t really surprise me. You even called them victims yourself.” I disagreed and pointed out, but didn’t get an answer.

We continued through the door, and were met by a horde of Blue Suns mercs. They had the higher ground on us and the first thing we did was run into cover. I also heard the familiar stomping from a YMIR mech and this day just kept getting better and better. Fortunately, it was on the other side of this huge room for now.

To gain the upper hand we’d need to take out the guards on higher ground. To do that we needed a surprise attack. I wanted to give Garrus the chance to flank them but fire was heavy upon us. He wouldn’t have the chance to get into position without getting hit. We also needed to act quickly before the mech reached us.

“Here’s the plan, guys. We need to flank them. See that bridge there? I can sneak over there. Draw some of the fire from you. You’ve already heard the mech. We need to act now, before it reaches us. Everyone agree?” I asked and motioned to the bridge.

Both Garrus and Miranda nodded at me and that meant it was my time to move. Cloak would get me there and the strong shields of the Predator armor would keep me alive until Miranda and Garrus could get in on the fun.

“Great. As soon as they notice me there you can get to work. See you on the other side.” I said and went into cloak.

I carefully went around a couple of empty cells on the right to get to the bridge. What I think none of us had noticed were the two guards sneaking up on us behind there. Good thing I came here so we didn’t immediately die. This would be messy, though, since I needed to be quiet.

I pulled out my talon from my leg strap and slowly got up behind the mercs. Some luck came to me as they weren’t turians. These were dirty humans. I slit the first guy’s throat quickly. Before the other one could react, I punched him in the throat and slit it too. I wasn’t the biggest fan of using my talon like this. There was a time I was. Now I thought it was messy. I preferred a quick death to my enemies, as I didn’t want them to suffer. Right now I had to be quiet to not give away our plan and it worked.

I went into cloak again and positioned myself on the bridge. I took aim and fired a headshot to one of the mercs, dropping him immediately. That was the cue Miranda and Garrus needed. We quickly managed to drop the rest of the mercs.

I turned around and looked across the room. The mech was halfway to our position and it was time to take it out. Miranda and Garrus had come up to my position. We took down the mech easily with our height advantage and nothing else standing around to bother us. After that we took two minutes to recover. Miranda found the guards I’d stealthily killed. She looked at them before looking at me in shock.

“They would’ve flanked us. I had to take them down.” I explained.

Garrus looked over to what had surprised her so, and saw the guards with blood pooling out of their slit throats. “You made a good call, Shepard. They would have taken us out.”

He was a turian and I understood that they easily separated work and personal life. But that usually just came to a very ‘yes, sir’ kind of way to work. I had to admit that I didn’t understand this man at all right now. We talked in missions. He even felt comfortable having fun with me in missions, just like old times. The man talked outside of the ship like nothing was wrong at all.

Why the fuck was he doing his best to stay away from me on the ship?

“Come on. We need to get moving.” I said and left to move forward.

We got up and continued through the door on the other side of the room. I could hear Warden Kuril ordering his mercs around, as he took out prisoners. We were right where he was and I already knew this would be a tough battle. I took a deep breath, and entered the room.

We tried sneaking into cover but Kuril saw us right away. He fired his shotgun at us. We managed to roll into cover just in time to not get hit.

“You’re valuable, Shepard. I could’ve sold you and lived like a king. But you’re too much trouble. At least I can recapture Jack.” He said.

I tried peeking over cover to get my bearings, but he quickly took a shot at where I was. Damn. This man meant business and that meant I had to go into the same mode. But not before I teased him a little more.

“Yeah, not happening! You’re just a bare-faced dirty little slave trader and I don’t have time for that.” I answered him with a smile, knowing very well that it would piss him off.

The growl he let out was audible through the noise of machinery and gunfire in the room. “I do the hard things civil governments are unwilling to! This is for the good of the galaxy!”

I heard him pace back and forth sourly and growling. Pissing him off? That’s what I wanted. After a few seconds of doing that, he shouted his last command:

“Take them out!”

The room got swarmed with mercs. I could also hear the familiar thumping sound of not just one but two heavy mechs walking around the room. This one was going to be tricky, especially when I didn’t know what we were working with at all.

“I need to see what we’re dealing with.” I said to Garrus and Miranda.

I went into cloak and ran to a different position on higher ground. I took a good look around while still being in cloak. Kuril had some sort of shield raised around him. I noticed three conduits feeding it power and it looked just like the bar that gave this force field power that had separated the prisoners earlier. They were scattered across the room we were in. I noticed the power source in all of them. If we broke it, the shield would probably be dropped so we could get to Kuril.

I patched in Miranda and Garrus from my position. “Kuril’s got some kind of shield raised around him, with three conduits feeding it power. Looks like breaking them will destroy the shield as well. Since he seems to be so focused on me, I suggest we trade places, Garrus. I need you to take the shield out.”

Garrus looked around until he saw me above him to the left of where he was. “Good plan. Just let me know when.”

“Perfect. I’ll go into cloak now, and decloak in front of him to get his attention. As soon as he sees me, you get up here, big guy.” I said as I started feeling more confident in my plan.

I went into cloak and walked in front of Kuril’s line of sight. I decloaked, smiled at him and decided to up the ante by giving him the middle finger. He furiously locked his eyes to mine and started shooting at me. As he was busy doing that, I ran into cover and traded places with Garrus. Kuril fortunately was so focused on me that he didn’t notice Garrus had moved. My plan had worked.

I heard Garrus take a shot. An electric explosion followed. Yeah, he could easily do this. He also picked off some of the mercs for us. We did the same and suddenly we had a lot of room to play around on. Now was the time to find a plan with Miranda. One of the mechs was only 20 meters away now. We needed to take it down.

“Shepard, I’ve got an idea.” Miranda said.

I looked at her slightly surprised but I would definitely want to hear her plan. If she felt comfortable enough to give me one, then so be it. I nodded and waited for her to continue.

“I’ve noticed the mech’s focus on whoever’s the closest to them. I can target its shields and armor, but only if it lets up fire towards me. Since you can cloak...” She said.

“... I can make sure it keeps its attention on me.” I finished for her.

I gave Miranda a huge smile. It wasn’t perfect or elegant in any way, but it would work. I was proud of her finally not only her coming up with a plan, but also happy that she’d finally called me by my first name.

“Great plan, Miranda. You ready?” I asked her and she actually smiled back and nodded.

I would be in short range, so I took my M-5 out for this. Rolling out of cover, I shot the mech once. I ran to the right, behind a prison cell. I heard it following me from the opposite side of where I was just as a second shot rang from Garrus’ Mantis. Another electric explosion, and the second conduit was down.

As the mech was almost upon me, I went into cloak again and around the prison cell so I was standing behind it. Miranda had already dropped its shield. I decloaked as I shot it one more time. It slowly turned around. I let it see me for a second, before going into cloak again. Miranda dropped its armor as I went into cloak.

The third shot rang from Garrus’ Mantis, and another explosion followed. He’d dropped Kuril’s protective shield entirely. I smiled to myself, being insanely proud of how great this had gone. Garrus did his job beautifully and Miranda came up with a plan that worked. This would be another good day and I wanted the finish.

As the mech was walking towards Miranda she quickly finished it off with a well-placed shot to its camera. It exploded. We quickly took out the second mech by overloading its shields and armor, before sniping it from a distance. Having all three of us made it incredibly easy.

Kuril was the only one left and he was mine. He had both a regular shield and some good armor on. He also had a shotgun, which made this a little tricky. He was a good shot, he was angry, and he was on edge. We needed to play this out safely to take him down.

Miranda and Garrus managed to drop his shields and destroy his armor by luck and that’s when I knew my time had come. I wanted to sneak up on him. I normally would with turians because of their super-hearing. But there was a lot of noise around and he wouldn’t be able to hear my heart beating this time.

I also wanted the same finish I had with Jedore. That movie-finish where the merc got a bullet in the head and that was it. So I went into cloak and snuck to where he was. As I slowed down only a couple of meters behind him, I saw him pause for a second. I was still in cloak, so I didn’t think too much about it. Maybe I made a noise I wasn’t supposed to, and so I spent a couple of seconds just waiting.

I took out my M-5 and felt ready to end him there and then. As I extended my arm, the asshole suddenly spun around and hit it with his shotgun hard. And I mean hard. I heard the familiar sound of a bone snapping and my M-5 got knocked out of my hand. How the fuck did he know I was there?

My cloak faded immediately. I quickly tried to grab my knife but he was a turian. Quicker than me. In a move too quick for me to react to, he straddled my waist and pinned me to the floor. I couldn’t move at all. He placed his right hand over my throat and squeezed it.

I moved my left hand over his to try and make him let go, but it was pointless. He bent down so his face was close to mine. Amber eyes were wild with fury and weathered dull plates was the only thing filling my vision at that moment. He looked and acted like the perfect predator turians had evolved to become and I would die if I didn’t do anything right away.

I suddenly remembered my butterfly knife I had in my pocket and moved my left hand to get it. It was incredibly useless for combat but it was pointy and I was strong. If I could hit a weak spot it could be enough to make him release his grip on my throat. That was all I wanted because I was desperate for a breath.

Gripping the butterfly knife, I extended it away from his view as I started seeing stars around his amber eyes. If I wanted to live I needed to do this now. I managed to smile to see if it would throw him off a little. It did because he gave me a puzzled look back. Why would I smile before I died, right?

That was all I needed to be able to plunge my butterfly knife deep into his right eye. Kuril immediately let go and covered his eye with his hands while screaming in pain as cobalt blue trickled down his face. He stumbled backwards a few meters and that was what Garrus needed to take him out. A final shot rang from Garrus’ Mantis that hit Kuril right between his eyes, and with that, Kuril was dead.

I gulped down air like I hadn’t breathed for years. Feeling air rush into my lungs made me feel both dizzy and relieved. I even coughed a few times by default. Garrus had already hurried next to me and had knelt down to look me over.

“Shepard, are you alright? How’s your hand?” He asked concerned.

“Fuck, I didn’t expect that.” I said as I sat up.

The adrenaline rush was fading and that meant that the searing pain in my right hand crept up on me. And it hurt. A lot. It was definitely broken. It had to be.

“Shit, I think its broken.” I groaned through gritted teeth.

I took a look at my right hand. It had already started to swell up and it was most definitely broken. My glove felt so constricting and tight around it and holy shit. It hurt so much. But we needed to finish this.

“We can worry about it later. We need to get Jack and get out of here.” I said strained.

Garrus helped me up, which was nice. Miranda had found my M-5 and holstered it for me. My butterfly knife could stay planted in Kuril’s head for all I cared. It was just a silly toy I played with sometimes when I was extremely bored.

We continued through the door behind Kuril and I realized this was the same entrance we’d come in from. We’d circled around the ship. I saw Jack standing here, looking distraught and panicked by something. A merc was sneaking up behind her, ready to take her down. I left-handed my M-5 and shot him between the eyes before holstering it. She watched his head explode before she turned around and locked her eyes with mine.

“What the hell do you want?” She asked.

“I just saved your ass.” I pointed out.

“He was already dead. He just didn’t know it. Now what the hell do you want?” She repeated fiercely while giving me a challenging stare.

“I'm Commander Mikaela Shepard. I’m here to get you off of this ship.” I answered.

She shook her head at me. “I’m not going anywhere with you. You’re Cerberus.”

“Why does it matter if I’m with Cerberus?” I asked confused.

“They been on my ass for years. Anytime I get free, they put a huge bounty on me. That’s why Warden Kuril figured he’d struck gold when he caught me. It isn’t working out too well for him.” Jack answered with a small grin.

“No it’s not. Jack, I’m here to ask for your help.” I said just getting to the point because the pain was making me frustrated.

“You show up in a Cerberus frigate to take me away somewhere. You think I’m stupid?” She answered.

My patience was being tested royally today and so I told her the truth. “This ship is going down in flames and I’ve got the only way out. I’m offering to take you with me. And you’re arguing. Yeah, I think you’re being stupid right now.”

“We could just subdue her and take her with us.” Miranda offered up.

“I’d like to see you try.” Jack answered while giving Miranda a glare.

“No. We’re not going to attack her.” I said to Miranda.

“Good move. Look, you want me to come with you, make it worth my while.” Jack offered up.

I was ready to accept a lot to get the fuck out of here. I just wanted some medi-gel, Karin’s device thingy, and some pain killers for my hand.

“If you join my team I’ll do whatever I can for you.” I promised and took a step towards her.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Jack answered through a faltering voice.

Somehow that broke my heart a little, even with the pain stretching my patience as far as it would go. This woman had lived a tough life, there were no doubts about that. Cerberus were also after her and I was curious to hear why. She eyed me carefully before continuing her offer.

“I bet your ship’s got lots of Cerberus databases. I want to look at those files. See what Cerberus has got on me. You want me on your team, let me go through those databases.” She demanded.

“That’s it? I’ll give you full access.” I agreed with a small smile.

“Shepard, you can’t-” Miranda started to complain, but the glare she got shut her right up.

“You better be straight up with me.” Jack said, now more desperately than menacingly.

“I promise I am.” I assured her.

Jack smirked back at me. “So why the hell are we standing here?”

“You tell me. We should go.” I said as we continued towards the Normandy.

Jack went into the comm room, while Garrus, Miranda and I went straight to the med bay. Karin cut my right glove off and took a look at my hand with her omni-tool. I gritted my teeth at the pain. It was so incredibly horrible. I had to concentrate on my breathing while she was working on my hand. She applied medi-gel and waved her something over it before wrapping a bandage around it. I had to ask what that something was. Some ultrasound wand? Could that be it?

“It’s fractured. Keep that still for the rest of the day. With how fast you heal, I’m sure it will heal throughout the night. Here, some pain killers, dear.” Karin lovingly explained as she handed me two pills.

Medi-gel took care of most of the pain but these pills would take the final edge off. I swallowed them immediately and dry. Didn’t really care, I only needed the pain away since it was killing me. A couple of minutes passed, and the pain started to fade away with a final sigh from me.

“You’ve also got a bruise forming on your throat, dear. I’ll put some medi-gel on it to disperse the swelling.” Karin said as she did what she just said she’d do.

I stood up and tried to take my armor off but I couldn’t do it by myself. Karin started undressing me down to my undersuit. Didn’t really mind. I was still with three people I didn’t mind seeing me naked. Two of them were doctors. Garrus was being patched up by Mordin and he was also changing his bandage. Remembering how hard he had worked to not have me see it, I avoided looking at him. Didn’t want to offend him more than what I maybe already had done.

“I’m very impressed by your quick thinking today, Shepard. Stabbing Kuril in the eye was a smart move. I managed to finish him off as he stood up.” Garrus said and I smiled as I heard it.

“Yeah, I had to do something if I didn’t want to die. I just don’t understand how he knew I was behind him. I was still cloaked and there was a lot of noise around us. He wouldn’t have heard my heart beating.” I wondered out loud.

“Your scent.” He simply said.

I looked at him slightly confused. “My scent?”

“Turians have a good sense of smell and you smell like vanilla. He could smell you behind him.” He explained.

I knew they did have a good sense of smell, but I never knew it was that extreme. The air smelled like metal and blood and something burned. The fact that he could smell me through that surprised me. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.

“So what you’re saying is that sneaking up behind a turian is a no-go?” I asked.

“Well, it can work. You’d need to be extremely quick to really catch us off guard. I would recommend keeping us at a medium-range, though, just to be safe.” Garrus answered with a smile as Mordin finished changing his bandage.

Yeah, that’s what I normally thought was the best thing to do, too. Turians had extreme senses. They were predators by evolution. It made sense as he said it, it just surprised me to hear that it was that extreme.

“Thanks, Morin. See you later, Shepard.” He thanked politely as he exited and went to the batteries.

Hm. Maybe watching a movie later wouldn’t be out of the picture after all. We were talking. He complimented how I’d handled Kuril. Maybe he would be up for hanging out tonight.

“See, this is why I love getting input from the people I work with. I made a mistake, but managed to learn something new.” I explained to Miranda with a smile.

“I guess. I’ll go get ready to debrief Jack. Meet me in the com room in one hour.” Miranda answered and started to walked out.

Before she could, I decided to give her some praise as well. “Miranda, you impressed me today. You came up with a solid plan with the mech today. Good job.”

Her cheeks reddened and she gave me a genuine smile back. “Thank you, Shepard.”

Karin continued to undress me and removed my undersuit for me. I was standing in only my underwear now. I wouldn’t manage to take a shower today, so Karin helped me wash off the blood and dirt from myself. She handed me a change of clothes and it turned out to be my hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. After helping me take my sports bra off she helped me get dressed. One hour had passed doing that, so I went into the com room to meet Jack and Miranda.

“Welcome to the Normandy, Jack. I’m Miranda, Shepard’s second-in-command. On this ship, we follow orders.” Miranda said and gave Jack a curt smile.

Jack was leaning towards the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. She raised her eyebrows unimpressed at Miranda and looked at me.

“Tell the Cerberus cheerleader to back off, Shepard. I’m here because of our deal.” She said.

I smiled back to her. “And I’ll honor my part of it. Miranda will let you into the system. Let me know what you find.”

“Hear that, precious? We’re going to be friends. You, me, and every embarrassing little secret.” Jack said to Miranda and gave her a fake smile.

Oh, boy. These two would fight someday. I just knew it would happen. As long as they could be adults and work like proper people, they were free to hate each other as much as they wanted to. Or they could just fuck it out. That would be a lot easier.

“I’ll be reading down in the hold or somewhere near the bottom. I don’t like a lot of through traffic. Keep your people off me. Better that way.” Jack told me and left.

Miranda looked at me and shook her head before she left, too. I looked back at her and suppressed a giggle coming from myself.

Now, what to do? I had to relax with my damned hand. I had hoped I could cook myself a turian dinner, but that would be impossible with the pain. Still decided to eat turian food, though, and I took a big helping of dextro rations. I wanted my nano bots to learn and get better so I actually could live off this.

After eating, I thought now was the time to catch up with Garrus. Thinking back to how the mission had gone and the conversation we had after it, I thought maybe he would be up for it. I wondered if he’d want to watch a movie with me. Alien 2, maybe? It’d been a long time since we’d done that. Unfortunately I didn’t have any graxen to tempt him with, but hopefully he would join me regardless.

I smiled to myself at the thought and walked over to the main batteries. Like last time Garrus glanced behind him as he saw me enter.

“Shepard. Need me for something?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been told to keep my hand still for a day and I thought maybe we could catch a movie tonight. You know, just hang out.” I said giving him a friendly smile.

He moved his gaze to the console and continued working. “Sorry, I don’t have time. I’m in the middle of some calibrations right now.”

What? But why? I felt disappointed by his answer and stood there stunned for a few seconds. Watching him, I could see he was deep in thought. I suspected it wasn’t because of the calibrations he was doing. I didn’t want to push it. I couldn’t demand that he talked to me. But this was making me sad. Had I done something so wrong that he wouldn’t even talk to me anymore? What, if that was the case? Why wouldn’t he just tell me?

“Oh. Okay. Well, have a good night, then.” I said and walked out fast.

I heard my voice crack a little. I didn’t wait for his reply. What was the point? I wouldn’t get one. I marched to the elevator and went up to my loft. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. Damn it, it felt stupid to cry about this. But he was my best friend and something was bothering him. I just needed to know what so I could fix it.

I tried to do something useful so I opened my e-mails to see if there were any noteworthy news there for me. There weren’t. I tried to write mission reports as I was backed up with those. Wouldn’t happen. I wasn’t even tired so sleeping would be useless.

I decided to head down to the CIC and roam the system to look for more resources. I spent the rest of the evening doing that. We didn’t necessarily need it at this point, but I just needed to focus on something to pass the time. After a couple of hours, I gave up, went up to my cabin and threw myself in my bed feeling frustrated. I took one of Karin’s miracle pills, and went to sleep.

Chapter Text

Yeah, I couldn’t sleep at all. Not for a single second. I had too much pent-up frustration and worry for my best friend inside me. I needed to burn it off and awkwardly managed to get dressed in my workout gear. That consisted of hot pants type of shorts and a sports bra looking top. Shuttle bay it was after that. I would finally try this room out properly.

I had to be mindful of what I could do since my hand was fractured. I put a wrist support on it to keep it in place. Walking into the shuttle bay from the elevator, I was surprised to actually find Jack here. She was working out herself, doing a set of pull-ups. Good form. Strong woman.

“Hey.” She said as she noticed me walking over to her.

“Hey.” I answered back.

“What happened to your hand?” She asked while gesturing to it.

“It broke. I was stupid fighting Kuril.” I answered.

Jack looked at me and was clearly interested to hear the story. I sighed and decided to give her the full version of what had happened.

“I went into cloak and snuck up behind him. He apparently smelled me, so as I had my M-5 pointed to his head, he hit it out of my hand with his shotgun. My hand broke from the force.” I explained and she chuckled.

“How did the asshole finally go down?” She wondered.

“He pinned me to the ground and started to choke me. My left hand was free, so I grabbed my butterfly knife and stabbed him in the eye. Garrus finished him with a headshot for me.” I answered with a smile and her smile turned to a grin.

“Nice! You’re hardcore, Shepard. I like that.” She said and I laughed at the remark.

We talked for a while. I asked her about her past. She answered like it was a challenge to shock me. I listened because I was genuinely interested in what she had to say. She seemed taken back by that. Like she hadn’t expected me to be interested. She wanted to know why I was talking about that with her. I truthfully answered that I wanted to know her better. She gave me a ‘fuck you’ and ‘thank you’ in response and I took that as a good sign.

Jack eventually left for the showers. I tried to very awkwardly work out but it wasn’t happening. My hand was still fractured and any amount of pressure, however small, stung like a bitch. Besides, I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing. So I just decided to lay down on the floor in frustration and sigh in defeat.

I probably fell asleep because I woke up to Jacob asking me if I was alright. Confusion struck me first as I looked around. I was still in the shuttle bay. I wondered what time it was and got told it was morning. I stood up with a chuckle and tested my hand. It surprised me that it felt completely fine again. I guess this healing was superior in every way possible.

I went up to the kitchen for some food. A shower was sorely needed just because I hadn’t been able to shower yesterday. We were a little stuck in time right now. I had gotten all dossiers and we didn’t really have a plan telling us what the next step would be.

Mika, the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you.

She said this while I was standing in the elevator going up to the third floor. EDI was a mind-reader, too. Maybe he had gotten some word of where the Collectors were. If he had, then I guess we had our plan to move forward.

“Tell him I’ll be ready in thirty minutes. I’m starving.” I answered.

Very well, Mika.

I got myself a bowl of dextro breakfast, which really just were rations. Not feeling talkative, I went into the med-bay to eat. No one was in there and that was perfect. I ate in silence thinking about Garrus and the problems he probably had. More like I was thinking about what I had done wrong for him to push me away like he was doing. My eyes wandered look out the window and saw him sitting and looking at me from a table. He broke the gaze and looked down at his food as our eyes locked.

I hated this. I wanted to ask what his problem with me was, but I couldn’t when he did what he could to not talk to me. Would I just wait for it to pass? Do something else? What, in that case? It didn’t matter right now because my thirty minutes were up. I brought my plate to the kitchen sink and took the elevator up to the second floor. It was time to meet with the Illusive Man again. In my workout gear, I realized.

The man was smoking the same cigarette and he was in the same chair in front of the same red giant. He eyed me with a smile before he suddenly became very excited.

“Shepard. I think we have them! Horizon – one of our colonies in the Terminus Systems – just went silent. If it isn’t under attack, it soon will be. Has Mordin delivered the countermeasure for the seeker swarms?” The Illusive Man asked.

“I haven’t heard anything, so I don’t think so.” I answered honestly.

“Let’s hope he works well under pressure. There’s something else you should know. One of your former crew, Kaidan Alenko, is stationed on Horizon.” He added.

That didn’t make sense. Horizon was outside Alliance control in the Terminus Systems. Why was he there? If he was, then good for him, I guess. I didn’t really feel one way or another about seeing him again. I would prefer not to but knowing my luck, I probably would and the meeting would be awkward as fuck.

“Last I knew, Kaidan was Alliance. Why is he out in the Terminus Systems?” I asked confused.

“Officially, it’s an outreach program to improve Alliance relations with the colonies. But they’re up to something. And if they sent Commander Alenko, it must be big. I suggest you take it up with him.” The Illusive Man answered as he flicked his cigarette.

Commander Alenko? Holy shit. It took many years for him to become a Lieutenant. It took two for him to go from that to a Commander? I wondered if me boosting his confidence had something to do with it. Good for him, by all means, but it didn’t really matter. What didn’t make sense to me was that the Collectors would target this colony in particular.

“The Collectors just happened to pick a colony with one of my former crew? That’s sketchy.” I pointed out since I sensed he was holding something back.

“It shouldn’t be a surprise the Collectors are interested in you. Especially if they’re working for the Reapers. They might be going after him to get to you.” He answered.

Yeah, probably. But I was sure he was hiding something about this. I decided to let it go for now.

“We should send a message to the Citadel. The Alliance can give us reinforcements.” I stated.

“Not until you investigate. I don’t want the Alliance getting in our way. Once you have the situation under control, I’ll send the message personally.” The Illusive Man answered.

I somewhat understood that and another part of me felt that was the wrong thing to do. They would halter us but they could also provide backup, if things were to go wrong. And they would go wrong. How did I know? Well, because that was just my luck, wasn’t it?

“Send the coordinates. We’ll head straight there.” I said while nodding.

He smiled and pushed a button on a console to drop the call. “This is the most warning we’ve ever had, Shepard. Good luck.”

“Joker, set a course for Horizon. I need to see Mordin and ready my squad.” I said.

“Yes, ma’am. ETA one hour, Shepard.” Joker answered.

I realized I needed to get to work right away. A goddamned hour. Yeah, I would have to run to ready the people I wanted with me, run to get dressed and run back to Mordin to see if he was ready with his countermeasure.

Who to bring? We would be fighting the Collectors and I had promised my adult man-child of a krogan that he would experience some difficult enemies. This was the time to bring him so I went straight down to my krogan baby. He grinned and laughed menacingly at my request as I explained that I needed him and his krogan badassery ready for the mission.

I thought about who I’d bring as my second and shook my head as I did it. I could pretend that I would choose another person as much as I wanted to. Even if he wasn’t currently talking to me, of course I would only bring Garrus. I needed him for this and I could need him for backup with Kaidan. Not that I expected Kaidan to act out of line, but Kaidan was an Alliance good-boy. I suspected some choice words from him if we met him.

As I went up to the third floor and into the main battery, Garrus looked up at me nervously. “Shepard. Something I can do for you?”

“Yeah. I need to talk to you.” I answered him.

He looked away uneasy. “Can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”

Fucking hell. I’d had enough of his goddamned calibrations at this point. My frustration spilled over and soured my tone. I ended up snapping.

“No, you know what? It actually can’t wait for your fucking calibrations.” I said sourly to Garrus.

He looked at me with a surprised look and his mandibles fluttered a little. I immediately regretted lashing out like a child and took a deep breath to calm myself down.

“Sorry, Garrus, I didn’t mean to lash out at you. We’re going to Horizon. A colony there is currently under attack, and we’ll probably meet the Collectors. I really want... no, I really need you there with me. We’ll be there in one hour.” I explained with a small smile.

“Sure. I’ll go get ready.” He assured me calmly.

“Thank you, Garrus.” I said and left for the elevator up to my cabin.

Collectors. That would be a tough fight and I put on something I didn’t think I ever would. My heavy armor from Cerberus. I hated it but maximum protection was what was needed today if things were to go to hell. I went down to Mordin after that. He was studying one of the bugs we’d collected from Freedom’s Progress.

“Hey, Mordin. Please tell me you’ve got something.” I almost pleaded with him.

Mordin gave me a look telling me I was stupid for even questioning him before he smiled. “Yes.”

We spent the remaining minutes looking at what he had. Mordin quickly upgraded Garrus’, Grunt’s, and my armor with some sort of confusion mod. The thought behind it was that it would send out a signal so those bugs would ignore us. We then headed straight down to our shuttle and sat in silence on our way down.

Damned silence. I hated it with a passion. I also hated this armor. Clunky. I kept fidgeting around as I wore it and I immediately regretted putting it on. Fingers crossed it would do its job.

After a couple of minutes we we’re there. We hopped out of the shuttle and I took a look around. It was a nice location. It was filled with greenery everywhere. A small colony was in front of us and it looked like a perfect target for the Collectors at first glance. The silence coming from it was deafening, yet the buzzing noise from the bugs was an eerie one. I patched in Mordin.

“We’re groundside. Mordin, are you sure those armor upgrades will protect us from those bugs?” I asked nervously.

“Certainty impossible. But in limited numbers, should confuse detection, make you invisible to swarms. In theory.” Mordin answered honestly.

“In theory? That sounds promising.” Garrus pointed out sarcastically and I forced a smile out.

“Experimental technology. Only test is contact with seeker swarms. Look forward to seeing if you survive!” Mordin answered cheerfully.

Garrus and I sighed in unison. Oh, well. Time to see if we died or not. I motioned forward to follow down a path when we heard a patchy comm from Joker. I had no idea what he said.

“The Collectors are disruption communications.” Garrus pointed out.

“Yeah. Looks like we’re on our own now.” I answered.

We continued on until we came to an open area with housing on the right side. As we started going into the open area, we saw the Collectors enter. They were flying down to where we were and I ordered everyone into cover.

I looked at the housing on the right side and realized we had the perfect flanking opportunity. Since only I could cloak, I decided to go for it.

“I’ll flank them from the right side. That should make this a lot quicker.” I said to Garrus.

He nodded in agreement. I cloaked and went into the house on the right side. My Black Widow was already loaded, so I ended the four Collectors with a well-placed headshot each. The fight was surprisingly over with that.

Or so I thought. Noise caught my attention and that’s when I noticed the husks running towards me. Of course I would meet a horde of husks. Anything else would be incredibly stupid to think about. They were closing in on me fast and I didn’t have time to switch to my M-5. I ran back out with a horde of them trailing behind me.

“Get down, Shepard!” Garrus ordered.

I quickly got down and slid behind cover just as he placed a headshot through the one on my heels. It luckily died and I quickly reloaded. Not that I had to. Grunt happily went in front of each husk and shotgunned them down, finishing them off before we could do anything else. With the area clear, we went up to one of the husks.

“Those things look like the husks the geth used on Eden Prime.” I said and looked at Garrus.

“I thought the geth got that technology from Sovereign.” Garrus answered with somewhat furrowed brow plates.

“Then you Illusive Man was right. Collectors must work for the Reapers. Sort of looks human. This one of the colonists?” Grunt asked Garrus.

“No. The geth impaled their victims on giant spikes to turn them into husks. But we haven’t seen any. The Collectors must have already had the husks. They want the colonists alive for something else.” He concluded.

“They must be experimenting on the colonists. What are they up to?” I wondered out loud and didn’t necessarily expect an answer.

“Maybe it’s better not to know the details.” Garrus answered somberly and I understood what he meant.

“Guess we’ll find out when we stop them.” Grunt simply said.

“These aren’t the same creatures I fought on Eden Prime. They’re more advanced. Evolved.” I said after examining this husk closer.

“They still die when you shoot ‘em.” Grunt countered with a shrug.

I smirked to myself. I liked how simple-minded my krogan adult man-child was. This was fun for him and I was glad to provide the entertainment. He was good. No Wrex, but he was good.

“The Collectors aren’t getting away with more victims. Let’s move out.” I said and onwards we went.

We walked along the colony with our weapons ready. What made us all happy was that the seeker swarms ignored us. Our salarian had indeed found a solution and it calmed us all down a lot. One less thing to worry about.

Walking here was just as depressing and creepy as it had been on Freedom’s Progress. We passed a lot of empty housing. It was a weird thing to think but a part of me felt happy that the Collectors were here. Not because that they actually were here. More because there were some resemblance of life here in this empty colony.

“Your people… gone.” Grunt said while almost sounding sad.

“All these empty buildings… it’s unsettling.” Garrus agreed nervously.

“Yeah. This is what Freedom’s Progress was like. Apart from the Collectors.” I answered them both.

We soon came to the pods I’d seen on the screens at Freedom’s Progress. As I checked one out, more Collectors came pouring in. They ended up dying quickly enough. While the Collectors weren’t difficult to take down at all – a simple headshot took them down – they used very strong weapons. It meant we still needed to be careful, as our shields and armor couldn’t deal with their fire for anything more than a few seconds at a time.

As we moved along we saw people who looked like they’d been frozen in time. Now, that was unsettling to me. I studied one of them closely. It was like someone had taken a picture of this person in the middle of an action. Like a stasis field created by a biotic, only it wasn’t biotics that had done this. I wondered what this was.

“Looks like some type of statis field. Leaves victims helpless, but fully aware.” Garrus said after scanning the person I was looking at with his omni-tool.

I shuddered slightly at the thought of that. “They’ve been like this for a long time.”

What was depressing was that we couldn’t help them out right now. We had to wait for the stasis field to be gone on its own. Besides, there were hostiles around us. It wouldn’t be safe to wake them up if we could.

There was a bunker ahead of us and I wanted to head into it. As we started walking towards it more Collectors came flying in. Of course they did. We quickly went into cover. This time, something strange happened. We heard something.

Assuming direct control.

Assuming direct control? What did that mean? We peeked at what was happening and saw a Collector had been raised up. Something happened to it and it was suddenly given both a biotic barrier and an armor. Fuck, this was bad. We had nothing good against barriers with us.

What also triggered me was the voice itself. It was dark and monotone and slightly robotic. Like something I definitely had heard before.

“What’s going on?” Garrus asked at the sight.

“I don’t know. The voice… it sounds familiar, but I can’t quite place it.” I answered while searching my mind for an answer.

“If this is going to continue throughout the battle, then maybe we should focus on the other ones first.” He suggested.

I thought about it and decided that it made a lot of sense. If we cleared the area first before taking down the Collector under control, that would mean we only had to concentrate on that one Collector under control in the end.

“I agree.” I answered and shook the voice out of my head to concentrate.

We continued dropping Collectors quickly. I used my cloaking efficiently, making sure to surprise attack the enemies, while staying clear of the one under control. It worked and we quickly only had to worry about the one Collector under control.

None of us could really drop barriers effectively and that was a pain. We had to go for the easiest approach and destroy it with shots. We peppered it down and as soon as the barrier dropped, I set the bastard on fire with an incinerate. The armor was quickly gone.

Grunt decided he had enough. He charged the Collector under control before he planted his shotgun to its face and pulled the trigger. My adult man-child seemed to be a little eager right there. We expected the Collector to drop dead but that didn’t happen. Instead of dropping down dead, it disintegrated in front of us. That was so strange but since the area was clear, my thoughts went back to where I’d heard that voice before.

“Sovereign…” I muttered out after a while.

Garrus looked at me with a question written on his face. I looked at him and decided to say what I had on my mind.

“The voice sounded kinda like Sovereign. Could it be a Reaper?” I wondered out loud.

Garrus didn’t seem to know what to answer because none of us knew what to say. That was fine I didn’t expect an answer either. Satisfied at figuring it out – or so I thought – we overrode the door to the bunker in front of us and headed inside.

There were generators around us. This would be where a mechanic lived. No one was in here, I thought at first. That’s when I felt eyes on me. And I always trusted my instincts when it came to that.

“Company.” I silently noted as I started scanning the dark corners of the bunker.

A man peeked his head from behind a corner and eventually came out of it. He actually looked like a mechanic and he seemed shocked to see us there.

“You’re... you’re human! What are you doing out here? You’ll lead them right here!” He nervously said.

“You had to hear them trying to get in. Seems like it’s hard to hide from the Collectors.” I pointed out, feeling a little offended.

“Those things are Collectors? You mean... they’re real? I thought they were just made up. You know, propaganda. To keep us in Alliance Space.” He answered.

I quickly understood he was one of those people. The ones that liked conspiracy theories and such. Maybe he even believed them. Not that it mattered. We needed a way forward and I wanted an overview of what was going on.

“No! They got Lilith. I saw her go down. Sten, too. They got damn near everybody!” He added frantically.

“What’s your name and what do you do here?” I asked calmly.

“Name’s Delan. Mechanic. I came down to check on the main grid after we lost out comm signals. Then I heard screaming. I looked outside and there was... swarms of bugs. Everyone they touched just froze. I sealed the doors. Damn it – it’s the Alliance’s fault! They stationed that Commander Alenko here and built those defense towers. It made us a target!” Delan explained.

Kaidan really was here. I didn’t feel one way or another about receiving that information, but I knew I necessarily didn’t want to talk to him. As hardcore Alliance as he was, he wouldn’t understand what I was doing here. Why I was working with Cerberus.

“Tell me more about this Alliance rep.” I said innocently.

“Commander Alenko? Heard he was some kind of hero or something. Didn’t mean nothing to me, though. Would’ve rather he stayed back in Council Space.” Delan answered.

“Any idea what he was doing on Horizon?” I asked.

“Supposed to be helping us get the defense towers up and running. I got the feeling he was here for something else. Spying on us, maybe.” He answered.

As much as I hated conspiracy theories, I could get behind the fact that Kaidan was here for another reason. I bet he was. There was no way I would meet him by chance at the same colony the Collectors were targeting. No way. Well, I thought that and still met Garrus by chance. That felt different, though. This felt like someone had planned for it to happen and I was so sure someone actually had.

“Tell me about the colony defense towers.” I said.

Deland snorted. “A gift from the Alliance. High powered GARDIAN lasers. Supposed to keep hostile ships from landing near the colony. Had to build a massive underground generator just to give it enough juice. Only we couldn’t get the targeting systems online. So the Alliance gave us a giant gun that couldn’t shoot straight. Stupid sons-of-bitches.”

“Why do you think this is the Alliance’s fault?” I asked curiously.

“We’re just a small colony. Nobody bothered us before we started building those damn defense towers and drew attention to ourselves. I left Council Space to get away from the Alliance. Nothing good ever comes from getting mixed up with them.” He explained.

I silently wondered what the Alliance had ever done to him. Not that I would ask. The conspiracy theories would be too much for me and we didn’t have time for it.

“The Collectors are targeting remote colonies. The Alliance was trying to help.” I explained and felt a little defensive as I did.

“I don’t need their help. Too many strings attached. That rep said he was just here to get the towers online but mark my word – there’s more to it.” Delan sneered back and I decided to let it go and go back to the important information he’d shared.

“If you have defenses we can use them against the Collector ship.” I pointed out.

“You’d need to calibrate the targeting system first. It’s never worked right…” Delan answered.

Calibrating, huh? I hated that word but right now, having the master calibrator himself next to me felt like a blessing in disguise. And I think he also loved big guns. Such a man. A smile crept up my face as I looked over at Garrus. He smiled at me and rolled his eyes slightly. He knew what I was thinking.

“One of us should be able to figure it out. We just need the location.” Garrus said.

“Head for the main transmitter on the other side of the colony. Pretty hard to miss. The targeting control are at the base.” Delan explained.

I thought about what to do with Delan and decided ‘nothing’ was the answer. “It’s probably just better if you stay out of the way.”

He was quick to agree. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too. I’ll let you out, but I’m locking the door behind you. I’m not taking any chances. Good luck. I think you’re going to need it.”

We headed out the door and were immediately met by a big humanoid looking thing. It looked like a twisted version of a multiple husks thrown together. It was black with blue veins going through it. It casted biotic shockwaves at us and they shattered my shields immediately.

I went into cloak and rolled into some cover. The fuck was that thing? Naming things after the matter would be fun. Since he looked grafted together by multiple husks, I decided this was a scion. It made sense in my mind. I took my Black Widow out and emptied my clip into its head. The fucker didn’t die from it either, which stunned me slightly. I couldn’t even tell if it was badly hurt either.

Garrus tried a concussive shot, but the scion didn’t move. It kept slowly walking towards us and tried setting off shockwaves at us. Garrus then tried to override it, and that made it go down immediately.

“Okay. Override and a full round from my Black Widow. Good to know.” I noted.

We kept on going forward after it was down. We were closing in on the GARDIAN defense systems and Grunt decided he had a question on his mind.

“How come we don’t see more frozen people around?” Grunt wondered out loud.

“Probably loaded onto the Collector ship by now. We should hurry.” Garrus answered somberly.

Our paces picked up until we reached a door we needed to hack. From behind the door we saw the Collector ship, and we knew we were close to our goal now. I took a deep breath before I bypassed the door. This was where shit would go down today. I just knew it.

“There’s the transmitter!” Garrus exclaimed and motioned to a big transmitter in the middle of an open area.

Around it were several metal crates scattered about. To one of the sides were a guard rail. I noted its location immediately, in case we needed to funnel enemies to us.

That’s when the moaning started. Ghostly moaning, mind you. I recognized it immediately as being husks and cursed under my breath as soon as I heard it.

“Fuck. Get to the railing!” I commanded as we started running towards it.

As soon as we got to it and turned around the husks came running towards us. Luckily, we were at long to medium range so Garrus and I immediately got to work dropping husks. The ones that got closer were blasted away by Grunt’s shotgun.

We heard a deeper moaning creeping up on us, as we saw the two scions making their way towards us. Just what we needed right now. Thinking about how we’d dropped the previous one, Garrus overloaded one of them and I emptied my clip into its head. It managed to set off a shockwave which blasted my shields away just before it died.

The other one was hot on my trail and wouldn’t let up its shockwaves towards me. I managed to roll away from its blasts but struggled with doing anything useful to it. I had to take my chances with this one. As soon as I saw Garrus set off an overload into it, I went into cloak, rolled away from its line of sight and ran around behind it. I pointed my Widow at its head and emptied my clip into it. It worked and the second scion was down. I took a deep breath as my shields recovered, before I ran to the transmitter.

“Normandy, do you copy?” I asked.

“Joker here. Signal’s weak, Shepard, but we got you.” Joker answered somewhat nervously.

“Good. EDI, can you get the colony’s defense towers online?” I asked a bit frantically.

Errors in the calibration software are easily rectified, but it will take time to bring the towers to full power. I recommend a defensive posture. I will not be able to mask the increased generator output.

I almost apologized to Garrus for not being the one to calibrate this one but it sounded like we needed to get ready for a big fight. I did not look forward to this at all and spent some time breathing.

“The Collectors will try to stop it. Good.” Grunt said happily as he started fidgeting.

“We’ll stop them. Easy enough.” I agreed as I felt a little boosted by his confidence.

Maybe not. Enemy reinforcements closing in. I suggest you ready weapons.

We stood in anticipation and waited for the Collectors to come. They did soon enough and off to work we went. As soon as we head one being taken control over, we shifted our focus to the Collectors that weren’t under control. Our combined efforts made sure the first round went by easy. Garrus’ suggestion from earlier worked like a charm.

Bypassing failsafes and attempting emergency power-up. Please hold the defense tower.

“There will be more. There’s always more.” Grunt pointed out with what sounded like excitement.

Depending on how you looked at it, I was maybe over thirty years old. While I was still in my prime and felt younger than I had in ages, this kind of fighting felt a little old to me. Was it fun? No. Did I want a vacation? Yes. But Grunt was an adult man-child only a couple of weeks old. Of course he had the energy for this kind of stuff. And he was a krogan. I guess that also explained it.

And Grunt was right. For the second round, the Collectors brought husks with them. I ordered Garrus to cover us from the railing, while I alternated going into cloak to assassinate the Collectors.

Sequential power-up initiated. GARDIAN anti-ship batteries at 40%. EDI informed.

“More coming! Guess we got their attention.” Grunt said excitedly as he took care of the husks.

He really seemed fascinated by how I worked, even though he seemed the type to like to face enemies head on. This was different to how he worked but still badass enough for him. I got an impressed krogan grin just as the fight ended.

GARDIAN anti-ship batteries at 60%. Syncing targeting protocols to Normandy’s systems. Continue to protect the tower.

“Get ready. Got to be more soon.” Garrus noted and sounded tense.

I felt the same way and it turned out that we felt like this for good reason. From the Collector ship entered a big bug-looking thing. What the fuck would we call this one? It was huge, had the same head the Collectors had, seemed to be put together from dozens of husks, and looked like one mean bastard. We could decide what to call it later.

“A new one! Whatever it is, don’t get too close!” Garrus said nervously.

This bug went right for me. It shot a laser beam from its mouth. At least from what I thought was its mouth. I got surprise-hit by it once. My shields were blasted away by it immediately. I tried going into cloak and get away, but it wouldn’t let that laser go. It got me right in my breastplate. It took most of the hit, yet some of the heat did burn my flesh.

I think I groaned out loud from the heat and pain but luckily my adrenaline was at full peak. It masked the worst of the pain from the burn on my chest. My breastplate also weaved itself together quicky to close the damage to it. That was even quicker than what my Predator armor could manage.

“EDI, we need that system online!” I demanded from her and got no answer.

I needed a plan. I couldn’t hurt the bug since it wouldn’t let its fire up, and it chased me around the arena like a rabid dog on my heels. My only saving grace was that it was slow as hell and that cloaking myself worked against it.

“All right. Guys, it seems to be interested in me. Get to that railing and cover me while I keep it busy.” I said somewhat strained, as the burning on my chest hurt.

My shields came back on at that moment. I took a deep breath, before I went into cloak and rolled out of cover. I ran as fast as I could to the other side of the field, while also making sure the praetorian was in Garrus’ and Grunt’s line of sight constantly.

We continued like this for a while, before it did something I didn’t realize it could do. It was almost dead, yet at my last pass running past it, my cloak faded. As it did, the bug flew up and slammed itself into the ground by me while sending out some sort of shockwave. My shields faded right away and the sheer force of it made me stumble and fall with a yelp, before I turned around fast and faced it.

“Mika!” Garrus yelled in a panic as I heard him let out a final shot into the praetorian.

GARDIAN anti-ship batteries at 100%. I have control. Firing anti-ship batteries at Collector vessel.

The guns started to fire at the Collector ship and they didn’t let up easily. They fired quickly and heavily and seemed to really do some damage, too. But that couldn’t be my focus now. This bug was.

Garrus’ shot had almost taken it out. It had a sliver of health left and I knew I was in trouble. I backed up on my hands and feet to get away but the thing was ready to kill me. As it was readying it’s final blow towards me, I closed my eyes. I had no chance of getting away from it and I knew it. My saving grace was that Garrus was safe and in my mind to comfort me as I, once again, died.

“I am krogan!” I suddenly heard Grunt yell.

I opened my eyes in confusion and saw him leap and charge onto the bug just before it fired. He knocked it into the ground before he brought his shotgun up and blasted a shot right into it. It died, but not before it shook violently. It looked like it was about to explode. Grunt fled the scene immediately.

I managed to get on my feet and roll into cover just before the bug exploded in front of me. The thing was finally dead. Grunt was hopping around feeling exited, while Garrus and I looked at each other and let out a breath of relief in unison.

“That was too close.” Garrus said as he came over to me.

I nodded in agreement as I took a few deep breaths to calm down. It wasn’t my time after all. Like I said, I wasn’t afraid of dying. I didn’t want to, but I wasn’t scared of it anymore.

Breathing calmly meant that the adrenaline left my body. As it did the pain from the burn on my chest came back. It started up slow, before intense pain flooded my body. I started shaking from the pain and breathing heavier at it as it intensified itself.

With shaky hands I took my breastplate off and unzipped my undersuit down to my breast bone to look at the damage with shaky hands. My skin was red and even charred in some places. It was the perfect example of a third-degree burn. I noticed Grunt had joined us and even he froze up as he saw the damage.

Garrus, with a shocked look on his face, got out some medi-gel and handed it to me. I struggled to do anything through the pain. Tears fell down as I sat there breathing and shaking harder and harder at the immense pain that kept growing and growing and I just hoped someone would do something at that moment.

I then felt a gentle hand apply it to my chest for me. A thick layer. The relief was instant, as the medi-gel cooled down my skin and soothed the pain enough for the shaking to stop. It still hurt but the sharp edge was gone.

“Thank you.” I said as I looked up at Garrus.

“Anything for you, Shepard.” Garrus said gently to me as he helped me pull my zipper to my undersuit back up.

I put my breastplate back on and shifted my focus to the Collector ship. It suddenly started to pull out after being constantly fired upon for several seconds minutes. We shielded our faces from the light and heat as it powered on and flew off into the starts, far beyond our reach.

“They’re pulling out! There’s no reason to stay. Most of the colonists are on board. They got what they came for.” Garrus said frankly but somberly.

I took a deep breath. We’d managed to save some of the colonists but unfortunately not all of them. That wasn’t good enough for me. Half a victory was still a loss when lives were at stake. Bitter-sweet in every regard possible.

Delan came running up to us as the ship was at a safe distance. “No! Don’t let them get away.”

“There’s nothing we can do, Delan. They’re gone.” I said sadly.

“Half the colony’s in there! They took Egan and Sam and… and Lilith. Do something!” He desperately demanded of me.

I gave him a sad smile back. “I didn’t want it to end this way. I did what I could.”

“It was a good fight, Shepard.” Grunt said proudly and clapped me on the back.

Krogan adult man-child was right. It was a good fight. That wasn’t what I was thinking about. It was the losses that would happen. Where would these people go? What were to become of them?

Delan looked at me with furrowed brows. “Shepard? Wait. I know that name.”

Oh, fuck me. Grunt had called me by my last name. We hadn’t talked about that. The last thing I wanted was to be recognized and now I got to experience it again. Delan checked me out again, scanning my face for my freckles, my scar from Palaven and looked at my wavy dark brown hair.

“Sure, I remember you. You’re some type of big Alliance hero.” He said with a suspicious look on his face.

A familiar voice started speaking from behind us. I froze immediately as I heard it and even shuddered a little. I had hoped to avoid this encounter, but it looked like I wouldn’t be so lucky today. Why would I be? I never was lucky when it came to these kind of things.

“Commander Mikaela Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel.” It said and you bet I cringed when I heard my name pronounced wrong.

His voice was weird. Flat and angry and conflicted at the same time. I turned towards Kaidan and followed his movements as he kept on walking over to Delan. I had to admit that he looked good. These past two years had been kind to him.

“You’re in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost.” Kaidan said to Delan.

Delan gave Kaidan a glare before he just left us alone. “All the good people we lost, and you get left behind. Figures. Screw this. I’m done with you Alliance types.”

Kaidan took a look at me and I thought it was too good of a look at me. His eyes ran from my face, slowly down and up my body, before he smiled at me. He moved up to me and embraced me. I mean, we were friends. We had worked together. Hugging someone wasn’t considered weird. So I accepted it and hugged him back and felt his familiar cologne hit my nose. Cedarwood and sharp, almost like tobacco. He must have taken it as an invitation because he pressed his whole body against me.

I stiffened at the tight embrace and decided to make up an excuse on the spot. “Hey, uhm. I got burned on my chest. This is painful.”

I felt him inhale deeply in my ear and I didn’t know how to take that. What the hell was going on? This hug was way too long and tight. He did let me go, though, and a shiver ran uncomfortably down my spine. I couldn’t stop that from happening.

“I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did.” Kaidan said.

“Surprise! How have you been?” I tried to awkwardly joke and asked politely.

He didn’t appreciate that and narrowed his eyes at me. “That’s all you have to say? You show up after two years and just act like nothing happened? I would’ve followed you anywhere, Shepard. Thinking you were gone... it was like losing a limb. Why didn’t you try to contact me? Why didn’t you let me know you were alive?”

He was obviously feeling hurt by me not contacting me. I hadn’t asked about him to the Illusive Man and I hadn’t tried to even find him. I asked David about it once. That was it. I probably should have felt some level of guilt about that, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t let him know what, though. He was doing well, just as I thought he was.

If he meant for the past two years then I had a viable excuse for not contacting him. Being dead would stop anyone from staying in touch with others.

“I actually died, Kaidan. It’s not like I could contact anyone. Cerberus got a hold of my body and spent the last two years bringing me back to life.” I answered honestly.

Kaidan shook his head slightly in disgust and looked at me and Garrus. “You’re with Cerberus now? Garrus too? I can’t believe the reports were right.”

Garrus took a step forward, so he was standing by my side. “Reports? You mean you already knew?”

“Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren’t dead. That you were working for the enemy.” Kaidan answered.

“Our colonies are disappearing, Kaidan. From what I hear, the Alliance turned its back on them. Cerberus is, right now, the only group willing to do something about it and that’s why I’m working with them. I haven’t joined them at all.” I explained as I started to get frustrated.

“You can’t really believe that! We both know what Cerberus is like. What they’re capable of. I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You’ve turned your back on everything we stood for!” Kaidan answered.

I swallowed hard at hearing his words. I had expected something like this from him. He didn’t say it directly but he did just call me a traitor to the Alliance. I’d sometimes wondered about the same thing myself but hearing the explanation of what a traitor was spoken out loud hurt more than my thoughts ever did.

Because in my mind, I was just trying to do the right thing for the good of the galaxy. I already felt conflicted about working with Cerberus but decided that I did it this time because I would be in charge, and they were actually doing something useful. I wanted to defend myself and so I did.

“We worked together two years ago. You know me well enough. You know I’d only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies. They’re also working with the Reapers!” I explained while letting my frustration sour my tone.

Kaidan’s expression softened a little but he didn’t back down. “I want to believe you, Shepard. But I don’t trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they’re behind it? What if they’re working with the Collectors?”

His questioning reminded me of Sparatus on some level. Manipulation. Reapers weren’t real. Fuck that. I had seen that they were working with the Reapers this time. I kinda wanted to clock him in his perfect jaw, and it felt like Garrus felt the same frustration I was feeling, too.

“Damn it, Kaidan! You’re so focused on Cerberus that you’re ignoring the real threat!” Garrus said backing me up.

I looked at Garrus and nodded in agreement, before turning to Kaidan. “Listen, we don’t like Cerberus. But this time you’re letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts.”

“Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you’re the one who’s not thinking straight. You’ve changed.” He said while stepping towards me.

What was that step towards me for? Was he going to try something? Nah, he wasn’t that kind of man at all. But Garrus was angry with that rant Kaidan had gone on and took a step forward as well and gave Kaidan a dangerously challenging stare. ‘Just try it. I dare you.’ That was a level of anger I hadn’t seen from him before. I didn’t really expect it either with how distant he’d become. Kaidan noted it and decided fighting a turian seemed like a bad idea.

“I still know where my loyalties lie. I’m an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I’ve got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not. Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful.” He said and then he finally left us alone.

“Goodbye, Kaidan.” I let out in a frustrating tone and took a deep breath.

This was why I didn’t want to meet him. I felt nothing for him either way before this and now I just felt frustrated. Being called a traitor also hurt more than I’d realized. I closed my eyes as tears started to well up in my eyes. I felt Garrus’ familiar hand wrap around my shoulder in comfort. I had to just do something to not start crying so I shrugged it off and patched in Joker.

“Joker, send the shuttle to pick us up. I’ve had enough of this fucking colony.” I said.

I didn’t wait for his reply. We walked back to where we’d landed and waited for the shuttle to pick us up while my thoughts stewed big time. I also sat in silence by myself on the shuttle ride back from Horizon. Grunt and Garrus were going on about the ‘big beetle’ we’d fought. They settled on calling it a praetorian and that was fine, I guess. I tried to listen to them, but all I could think about was being branded as a traitor to the Alliance.

Garrus standing up for me and backing me up felt good. He could sense I was bothered by something, as well, since he kept casting glances at me, but I don’t think he was sure what I was bothered by. It was like he gave me space and that was the last thing I wanted right now. I needed to talk. Punch someone. Drink myself to a stupor.

Maybe he actually wanted to say something to me, but he couldn’t as I was sitting by myself. Man, what a stupid thought. Why would I ever think that was the case? He wasn’t talking to me these days.

As we arrived, Garrus went to take his armor off and take a shower, while I headed straight to the med-bay. I took my breast plate off and unzipped my undersuit down to my breast bone.

“What happened, dear?” Karin asked concerned as she looked at my chest.

“Third degree burn. Applied medi-gel immediately. Well done.” Mordin chimed in as he fished up some sort of cream.

He applied it gently to my chest as I held my undersuit away from the burns. My thoughts were lost in Kaidan’s words. A traitor to the Alliance. It bothered me that his words would hurt as much as they did. Karin noticed something was bothering me but decided to let it go, for now. I didn’t know if Mordin noticed it as well. He didn’t say anything as he applied the cream and put some more medi-gel over it.

“Will not scar. Can shower after 30 minutes.” He said as he finished.

I zipped up my undersuit and put on my breast plate on in silence and walked silently out of the med-bay. I took the elevator up to the second floor. I had to inform the Illusive Man of what we’d learned. I walked into the comm room in full armor and quickly saw his familiar frame against the red giant once more.

“Shepard. Good work on Horizon. Hopefully, the Collectors will think twice before attacking another colony.” He said.

I smiled sadly at him. “It’s not a victory. We interrupted the Collectors, but they still abducted half the colony.”

“That’s more than what would have been saved, Shepard. The Collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find another way to lure them in.” He answered back.

Another way to lure them in, did he say? Of course he had something to do with this. I wanted to be angry about this, but I didn’t have the energy for it.

“I wondered if you had something to do with that attack. Kaidan said the Alliance got a tip about me and Cerberus.” I pointed out to him and got a smirk back.

“I released a few carefully disguised rumors that you might be alive and working with Cerberus. I suspected the Collectors were looking for you, or people connected to you. Now I know for certain. It was a risk, but I couldn’t just wait for them to take another colony. You understand.” He answered.

I let out a sharp breath. A part of me felt betrayed but I could also understood why he’d done it. I decided to let it go, as I wasn’t in the mood to argue about it now.

“We have to make sure they don’t abduct anyone else.” I said frankly.

“I want the Collectors stopped for that very reason. That’s why we’re doing this, Shepard. I’m devoting all resources to finding a way through the Omega 4 relay. We have to hit them where they live. Your team will need to be strong... as will their resolve. There’s no looking back.” He said and I nodded at him.

Traitor, traitor, traitor. That was the only thing running through my mind in the moment. I just needed this meeting to end so I could just… I didn’t even know.

He must have picked up on me being defeated, because he added more. “The same goes for you. Can I assume you’ve put your past relationships behind you?”

I snapped my eyes to his and lashed my frustrations out at him. “Seriously? Why does everyone keep thinking Kaidan and I were a thing? We never were! Nothing ever happened between us!”

“I don’t know how the rumor started but I’m happy to see they’re not true, Shepard. He seems a little too soft for you.” The Illusive Man answered after a chuckle and even gave me a wink.

I couldn’t hold back the chuckle that came out from me. So there was a rumor circulating about me and Kaidan being a thing. Who the fuck started that one? Not that it mattered to me at all. We weren’t a thing and we would never be a thing. And the Illusive Man was right. Kaidan was way too soft for me.

“Once we find a way through the Omega 4 relay to the Collector home world... there’s no guarantee you’ll return. To have a hope of surviving, you – and your entire team – must be fully committed to this.” The Illusive Man said more seriously.

I nodded. “Let me worry about them. You just find us a way to the Collector home world.”

“I just want to be up front about your odds. You’ll need everyone at their best. I’ve forwarded three more dossiers. Keep building your team while I find a way through the relay. And be careful, Shepard. The Collectors will be watching you.” He finally said, before cutting the comm link.

I sighed and turned around to see Jacob. He’d been listening in on our conversation. Didn’t really care about that. Nothing secret was said.

“I guess we’re really gonna do it. Hit the Omega 4 relay, take the fight to the Collectors in person. Looking forward to the action. After seeing what those bastards did on Horizon, though... makes you think.” He said while looking lost in thought.

I gave him a warm smile. “They’re powerful, but we’ve got a few tricks for them. If anyone can stop them, we can.”

That came from Mikaela the pessimist, though it was our only hope of survival. We needed a positive outlook on this if we were going to make it. And I had to be the one to offer it up because I was in charge, however difficult it was for me to be that confident right now.

“No argument there, Shepard. Horizon just made it hit home. What we’re doing, what we’re up against. Gonna take care of a little unfinished business. I imagine everyone else is, too – getting some closure, you know?” Jacob nodded at me, saluted, and went to the armory.

I thought about what the Illusive Man had said. I needed everyone’s resolve and full commitment, and that meant getting everyone’s unfinished business taken care of. My own? Well, they probably didn’t matter. I was a single woman with no family to speak of. What unfinished business did I have? I walked into the elevator and went up to my cabin. I took my armor off and cleaned it, along with my Widow and my M-5.

30 minutes had indeed gone by, so I hopped right into the shower. Mordin’s miracle cream had soothed my skin to the point of it almost looking normal again. I was impressed. This was a good cream and I guess my healing made it work even better. The warm water of the shower soothing my skin felt good. I tried to focus on that, but my mind went easily back to Kaidan’s comments.

I was a traitor to the Alliance. Did David feel this way? I didn’t want to disappoint my wannabe-dad. We had talked though, and it seemed like he understood why I was working with Cerberus. What about Hackett? I hadn’t heard from him at all.

Fuck, what about Garrus? Did he think I was a traitor? Was that why he was staying away from me? No, I didn’t think that was the case. He backed me up and basically called Kaidan blind for not being able to see what was going on around him. That meant he didn’t feel that way.

Whatever the case was, I was feeling stressed and frustrated by this whole mess. Sometimes when I felt this way, I would clean. It wasn’t the best way of dealing with it. Sex or punching someone was, but I didn’t have anyone to have sex with and I didn’t feel like fighting anyone at all.

So I started to clean. I cleaned my room superficially but it had been a while since it had been dusted. I noticed it a lot around my desk and I focused on that part first. I dusted off the shelves and the desk itself. Looking at the empty frames, they definitely needed the same treatment. I had three on my desk and I picked them up one by one to dust them off.

As I came to the third one, a picture popped up as I picked it up. The fuck was this? I hadn’t placed any pictures into these frames. And if I had, I certainly wouldn’t place a picture of Kaidan on it. Why was there a picture of him there? Shit, was this because of that rumor going around?

“EDI, can you ask Miranda why there’s a picture of Kaidan in my room?” I asked.

X.O. Lawson says it was placed there since you and Commander Alenko were in a relationship two years ago.

Right. Because of that rumor that was circulating around, as I thought it would be. As much as I wanted to lash out because of it, I understood that it had been done to make things more homey for me. They were trying to either be nice or manipulate me into liking them and I settled on it being the first thing. So I wouldn’t lash out this time. I would make sure it never happened again, though.

“Okay. I get that it was done to be nice. While I appreciate the thought, Kaidan and I never were in a relationship. Nothing happened between us. It’s just a stupid rumor going around. I’m deleting it. Please don’t place any pictures in these frames. I’ll rather do it myself.” I explained.

I got an affirmative answer back as I looked at this frame. How hadn’t I seen the picture before? It seemed so impossible that I hadn’t. My eyesight was good. I sat right there and worked. My eyes sometimes even wandered around the room as I procrastinated. It felt impossible that I hadn’t seen it.

So I did some tests. I placed it on my desk and watched as it went dark. I sat down in my chair and didn’t see it activate itself. What was even the point of having a picture here if I couldn’t see it? That just seemed so weird and wasteful.

I had to touch it for it to activate itself. Why? Looking at the sides of it, I saw a slider. After fiddling with it and testing some more, I quickly understood what had happened. This slider seemed to determine how far away you had to be before it activated itself. Whoever had placed it here had turned the setting so far down that I would have to pick it up to see what was on it.

Why the fuck would I even pick up an empty black frame? I just assumed they were empty the first time I saw them here. I even felt like it was a nice touch. I certainly check them all now, just in case. I checked every frame and everyone of them were blank with the exception of the one filled with Kaidan’s face. After playing with the settings for a while, I managed to delete it and shook my head as I did.

I did replace it with something else and even brought it over to my nightstand after I did it. If he didn’t want to come here and talk to me yet, then I guess I could pretend that he was here in spirit. The man still gave me the strength I needed to carry on. I still saw him as my best friend. Feeling myself getting tired, I turned the setting way up so it was constantly on and started into his blue eyes as I drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

After reading the three new dossiers the Illusive Man sent me, I quickly set a route for Haestrom. The logical thing would maybe be to go where the most dossiers were, which was Illium, but I didn’t care about that. Why would I? As soon as I saw that Tali was one of them, I knew I wanted to go wherever she was. I needed her by my side as soon as possible.

Tali'Zorah vas Neema

- Expert in combat tech, systems hacking
- Strong engineering background, familiar with Normandy

Formerly listed as Tali’Zorah nar Rayya, the quarian engineer earned her adult name after helping Shepard defeat Saren two years ago. Tali is currently on a classified assignment for the Migrant Fleet Admiralty Board on Haestrom, deep in geth-controlled space.

The dossier was half-right and it seemed like she had been working on her hacking skills. I still was a speed hacker. Tali was a hacker, though not a very quick one. For all I knew, she was right now. Just another reason we needed her on our team.

She didn’t earn her adult name from defeating Saren with me. She earned that from getting useful geth data back to the Migrant Fleet and offering it up to her new captain. This just showed that Cerberus weren’t too interested in quarian culture in my mind. It was a very simplified explanation to what had happened.

It would take a couple of days before we would get to her. A few of them had already passed and we would arrive tomorrow. She was in geth-controlled space and like it always was with the missions I went on, I was sure she was in trouble. It sounded like we would be facing geth. That much was for certain. That would be fine, though. Just like old times. Too bad we didn’t have a mako.

We would definitely be going to Illium after Tali’s pickup. Some drell assassin named Thane Krios and an asari justicar named Samara would both be there. I had no clue what a justicar was, but I was sure I would learn about it when I met her. Now, I had met one drell before. Still didn’t know nothing about them. I just hoped he wasn’t the same kind of stuck up stoic asshole type that Thalyat was.

Liara would also be there and I had to admit that I looked forward to catch up with her. The Illusive Man said she couldn’t be trusted, but I didn’t really believe that. She worked for the Shadow Broker. I guess that was a bad thing? I wasn’t too sure. Her job would be to sell and buy information. There was a volus on the Citadel two years ago that did the same. I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be.

I was in the kitchen and eating at that point in time. Completely gone over to dextro food by now. The rations were a pain but when we came back to the Citadel, I would make sure to buy extra turian food so I could make my own. Studying turian food was interesting. New names to learn for ingredients and they were so very different from human food. I couldn’t wait to start cooking it more seriously.

That also made my eyes wander over to the doors of the main batteries, and they were locked up. For the time we had spent going to Haestrom, Garrus hadn’t contacted me once to ask how I was. No message, no visit, not even a ‘hey’ when we were passing each other in the corridors. Like that ever happened anymore. It was like I was toxic and he was doing his very best to make sure he didn’t get affected with whatever I had.

I never expected him to comfort me, of course. I never wanted to feel so selfish. But I sincerely thought that he, as my friend, would at least ask how I was after being branded as a traitor. He defended me on Horizon. That felt good. Asking how I was seemed like it would be normal. Didn’t friends do that?

The only thing that made it feel a little better was the fact that he seemed to isolate himself from everyone else, too. It wasn’t just me. But I was his friend and he could lean on me. Or so I thought. Could we even be considered friends at this point in time if we weren’t talking?

That was a line of thinking I didn’t want to go down at all, of course. I still saw him as my best friend. Something had to be up with him for him to isolate himself like that. He wouldn’t say anything, he pushed me away, so I could really only wait for him to step up and talk to me on his own. Whenever that would happen.

Kaidan’s words still bothered me a little. They had mostly been shrugged off at this point, but I had to admit that they still hurt on some level. First of all, I thought he knew me better than that. We had worked together while taking down Saren. I sincerely thought that he would understand that I only worked with Cerberus to investigate the Reaper threat. Being branded as a traitor hurt. I had spent time thinking if I agreed or not, and I settled on the fact that I didn’t brand myself as a traitor.

And it was my reasonings for working with Cerberus that kept me from not agreeing with him. This, to me, felt like the right thing to do. The Reaper threat was a very real one and it seemed like I was the only one who believed it in this galaxy right now. Now there was someone else who agreed, and who was willing to help me figure this out. I only worked with Cerberus to use their resources and because our goals were common, for now. If the Alliance offered me the same deal, I would rather work with them.

But I had to admit that working with Cerberus had its perks. They had money to spend. Unlimited amounts, it often felt like. The fact that I could just go somewhere to investigate also felt exciting in its own way. More freedom, basically, even if everyone eyed me like a traitor. I was ready to accept being branded as a traitor if it meant that the Collectors and the Reapers were stopped.

For the safety of the galaxy? Yeah, my own reputation could go to hell if that meant that I stopped the biggest threat to all of us.

The man on top felt like one that wasn’t afraid to get things checked out and I appreciated that. The Illusive Man was a nickname for him from the Alliance. I wondered who he actually was and what had made him leave the Alliance. That he didn’t tell me his name was suspect. But for now, things were going forward and we were on the same page. That being said, I didn’t trust him at all. I fully expected him to stab us in the back at some point.

I also comforted myself with the fact that Kaidan was an Alliance fanboy. It could have been the initial shock of seeing me alive that made him stick to his one-sided track. I could understand that. Being face to face with someone that was supposed to be dead would have thrown off anyone. But he seemed incredibly unwilling to understand why I was working with Cerberus when I tried to explain myself. He wouldn’t listen to me at all.

But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter, because his opinion didn’t matter to me. David’s or Hackett’s opinion did. While I hadn’t heard from Hackett yet, I had contacted David. He knew what I was doing. While he necessarily didn’t like it, he helped me by keeping the Alliance off me. That was a level-headed man right there. I wondered if Hackett felt the same way, or if he viewed me as a traitor.

But I didn’t feel like thinking about this much more. I felt a little talkative. Since I couldn’t talk to my supposed best friend, my eyes travelled over to Miranda’s door. Maybe I would go over and talk with her. She had softened up a little more around me. If we were working together, I at least wanted to get to know her a little more. Ease the tension. Know what kind of woman I had at my back. Alternatively, just see if she would actually want to talk to me now.

“Hello, Shepard. Something you need?” She asked as I entered her office.

“Do you have some time to talk?” I asked.

“Of course. I’m just finishing an operation report. I’m impressed, Shepard. So far things have gone exceptionally well. As Cerberus operations go, this is one of the best I’ve been a part of.” She said with a small and impressed look at me.

“Maybe that’s because this isn’t a Cerberus operation.” I noted while raising my eyebrows at her.

“Not to you, maybe. But I report directly to the Illusive Man. And I’m here because he wants me to be. Cerberus gave you a second chance, Shepard. Maybe you should do the same for us.” She pointed out a little defensively.

Nah, I didn’t feel like playing along with her today. Why was I obligated to feel thankful about what they did? On some level I was. I wanted to live. Why wouldn’t I want to live? Being alive again, however much I had struggled to accept what I was in the beginning, felt good.

But no one told Cerberus to go through all this trouble and spend an unlimited amount of money to bring me back to life. The Illusive Man did, and since he was in charge of Cerberus, that didn’t count as outside influence. They got a hold of my corpse and played doctor on their own. I didn’t owe them a second chance or even a thanks for doing it.

“Do you know what I saw Cerberus do? They tried to enslave rachni, Thorian creepers and husks. They used actual living people as test subjects for that. They killed Alliance soldiers by luring them into a thresher maw nest. Me? I’m just your newest science experiment. Don’t get me wrong, I want to live, but no one asked you to bring me back to life. Why should I give Cerberus a second chance? What did Cerberus do that made you so damned loyal?” I asked.

She eyed me for a few long seconds to make up her mind if she wanted to tell me, or not. I stood my ground and watched her just as closely, as I felt very curious to hear what she would say. As time went by, she took a deep breath and gave in with a nod.

“I suppose you deserve to know…” She started.

She motioned for me to sit in the chair across from her desk, and I did. Finally the woman was opening up a little more to me. We were working together. If she wanted me to feel more comfortable doing so, then this was the perfect way of doing so. I needed to know that she was an actual person with feelings and not just some scummy tool for Cerberus.

“Do you remember when I told you how I was genetically altered?” She asked me.

“I do.” I answered with a nod.

“Well, that wasn’t my choice either. My father… created me. He’s a very influential man, and extremely controlling. He didn’t want a daughter – he wanted a dynasty. I ran as soon as I was old and brave enough. I went to Cerberus because I knew they could protect me.” She told me.

Her pauses in this story told me that this was uncomfortable and maybe even painful for her to talk about. Created her? On a different level than how one normally created children, I gathered. So what if she had been created in that way? That still made her a person. Lots of people were genetically modified and lots of people came from test tubes.

“You seem perfectly capable of defending yourself. Why did you need Cerberus?” I asked her curiously.

“My father invested a great deal in his dynasty. It wasn’t a matter of just leaving… I knew he would continue to pursue his… investments.” She answered uncomfortably.

That told me she needed protection. Her identity hidden. Scared of what would happen to her. I bet she was young when she escaped. Capable, but still young. Damn, exactly how crazy was her father?

“How bad were the terms you and your father parted on?” I carefully asked.

“Shots were fired.” She frankly answered and I nodded sadly at her.

“Who exactly is your father?” I asked.

“A businessman. But a very wealthy one. It’s ironic. My father believed deeply in a human-positive agenda. He donated generously to Cerberus… before I joined them. That’s how I first heard about Cerberus – through my father’s connections.” She explained.

A wealthy businessman who believed his daughter was his to do with as he pleased, it sounded like. With how young she was and with what she would have learned about Cerberus, I could understand why she went to them. She definitely had skills that would make them stronger and I understood why they accepted her with open arms.

This was a topic she felt uncomfortable talking about, that much was certain. I still felt thankful that she did. It made me able to see her as Miranda the person and not just Miranda the Cerberus cheerleader, to borrow an expression from Jack. But this was only one part of her ‘creation.’ Her father had created her. What about the other half? Who donated their eggs to make Miranda?

“You’ve told me a lot about your father. What about your mother?” I asked softly.

“I never had one. Most of my genetic material is based on my father’s tissue. His Y chromosome was altered with an amalgam of desired traits from various sources. How arrogant can you be? The man is completely egomaniacal. Just another reason I had to get away from him.” She answered sourly, something I completely understood.

I agreed with her. Her father sounded like an egomaniacal asshole. But that aside, what saddened me was how she talked about herself. The first thing she told me about herself the last time we spoke, was that she was genetically altered. Like that was her defining trait. Not that she was passionate, serious about her work, or something else. No, it was her genetics that were brought up. It was like she didn’t see herself as a person. Just a tool for people to use and I didn’t like that.

“You know, you talk about yourself like you’re just some kind of… tool to be used by anyone. By your father or by Cerberus.” I pointed out sadly.

“Maybe. I like to know where I fit in the world. It helps me find meaning in how I was created.” She answered carefully.

“I can understand that. But you are who you are, Miranda. You don’t need to make excuses for it.” I countered and she chuckled.

“That’s easy for you to say. We’ve both been engineered for greatness, Shepard. The difference is, you were great before we rebuilt you… I’m great because of it.” She quietly answered.

A compliment from the woman that didn’t like me. I should’ve counted my lucky stars then and there. I didn’t view myself as great. So I had done some stuff. So what? I tried as hard as I could to just to the right thing. Luck, or my lack of, made it so that I found myself in difficult situations. And when I did, I tried to let my morals guide me so I did the right thing.

I fucked up from time to time. We all did. To the best of my abilities, I tried to learn from my mistakes and better myself for the next challenge. Did that really make me great? I didn’t think so. If anything, I thought it made me level-headed and insightful.

But this wasn’t about me at all. This was about Miranda and for acting so confident all the damned time, it really sounded like it was just for show. Either that, or she had settled on the fact that she was just a tool people could use. I didn’t agree with that. I think I saw a good person hiding in there somewhere and I wanted her to believe that she was one, too. So I smiled and shook my head to her.

“No. Your spirit and personality are what make you great. That’s really what makes anyone great.” I disagreed softly to her.

“That’s kind of you… I’m not sure I believe you, but thanks for saying it.” She answered a little stunned.

As Cerberus as she was, I also needed her to be able to move forward. Not only did she report our progress directly to the Illusive Man, but she was also extremely reliable to work with in the field. I would need her on my good side for those reasons, and I actually found myself wanting her on my good side. But this talk was good and I wanted it to stop now, before anything was ruined between us.

“Thanks for talking with me, Miranda. Hey, how bad are my backlogs with mission reports?” I asked her with a sheepish smile.

“You stopped writing mission reports after we got Garrus. I do need those mission reports soon.” She answered with a knowing look.

“Yeah. Maybe working on that isn’t such a bad idea. I’ll talk to you later.” I answered with a small smile and started to get up.

“One more thing. I understand that Jacob wanted to talk to you.” Miranda added.

Jacob? I shrugged and nodded, and wondered what he wanted to talk to me about. It had to be pretty big for him to ask to talk to me about it. Maybe this was the type of ‘unfinished business’ that I heard him talk about after Horizon? Whatever the case, I exited Miranda’s office and headed up to the second floor.

As I entered the armory, he was standing by one of the tables. He looked to be deep in thought, so much that he didn’t even notice me enter right away. Shit, this would be heavy. Curiosity now consumed me. What was this about? What could throw Jacob so much off that he didn’t seem able to concentrate? I cleared my throat to announce myself and that’s when he turned to face me.

“Shepard? Sorry, I’m a little unfocused. Personal matter. It won’t affect my duties.” Jacob assured me.

“I’m here to see you. Miranda said you wanted to see me. What’s this about, Jacob?” I asked.

He sighed before answering. “As I said, it’s a personal matter. I don’t want to waste our time if it turns out to be a goose chase. But…”

That was a huge ‘but.’ It was so huge that he paced around for a second and ended up standing by the table in the middle. He supported his weight on it with his hands. He even took a very deep breath before answering. Damn. How uncomfortable would this be to talk about?

“Well, I got pinged by a ghost the other night. Family.” He explained.

Family business. Why did I think that most unfinished business for my crew would revolve around that? Making amends did make sense if we were all about to die. I didn’t know if I was lucky or unlucky to not have to worry about that at all. I had no family. They were all dead. I still enjoyed hearing about other people’s families and my curiosity shot through the roof at what this would be about.

But I guess being worried about family made sense and from the few words Jacob had said, he had been contacted by someone he thought was dead. It still didn’t tell me a lot, though. So I asked for him to elaborate.

“I’m listening.” I softly said.

“My private log got an update about the Hugo Gernsback, the ship my father served on. It sent an SOS last week reporting a crash and requesting a rescue. Shepard, that ship went missing ten years ago. I hadn’t talked to my father for three years before that. I’ve buried everything but a body. I’m not convinced it isn’t just some automated distress signal ticking over. It’s been too long.” Jacob elaborated.

“You want to go take a look at the wreck? See if it’s legit?” I offered up right away.

“If the coordinates aren’t too far out of our way, I could at least verify the wreck. Who knows, maybe there is actually someone out there. I also want to mention that I don’t make a habit of looking for random SOS signals. This was passed to my personal log through Cerberus files.” He somewhat sheepishly replied.

I didn’t really think him actively looking for SOS signals was the case either, but this was curious. This meant that someone from Cerberus had made sure he got the information. What did this mean, though? I thought it could mean that someone either wanted him to know because they cared, or someone was throwing him off with the information to be mean. I had to ask what he thought himself.

“Any sign that this was a Cerberus front? Who passed this to you?” I asked.

“I doubt the Illusive Man would let a direct operation stay cold this long. If there’s a link, it’s probably just about money. Cerberus needs diverse holdings to fund projects like, well, you. And whoever sent this my way covered their tracks. Someone could be fishing for favors. Or thought it would get under my skin. Who knows with that bunch?” He honestly answered.

This actually told me something about how Cerberus worked. They got funds from different kinds of holdings that would fuel other type of projects. That he brought up me as an example was expected, but it still made me shake my head as he did. I was also a little surprised by Jacob expecting this to be a ruse. He was less of a Cerberus cheerleader than Miranda was, but he still liked them a little.

But this wasn’t necessarily about Cerberus’ ties to this. He had told me that his father disappeared ten years ago, but it had been thirteen years since he had spoken to him last. That didn’t sound like a good relationship. And as the curious bastard I was, I asked about it.

“You didn’t get along with your father?” I wondered.

“He made no apologies, I’ll give him that. You make a mistake, you own up to it, even if you keep making it. Whatever problems we had were a lifetime ago. I’ve had ten years to get to where I am. And as far as I know, he’s still a ghost.” Jacob honestly answered again.

I was right, but he still wanted to check this out. It told me that family ties were stronger than I thought they were. The saying about blood being thicker than water circled my mind. I often thought that was a weird expression. What if your family were a bunch of assholes? What if they abused you growing up? Would you still really put them in front of someone else?

I had no family anymore, so I guess I had enough insight to understand that I would never completely understand. I understood the ties there were difficult to handle at times and that one would be inclined to check it out. This was his father, after all. I wondered what this ship was doing, though, and I decided to ask.

“Do you know what this ship was doing?” I asked.

“Privately held frigate. I looked over the mission brief when it disappeared. Nothing stood out. Typical research and grab operation. Find an uncharted planet, stake a claim, and establish as large a presence as you can as fast as possible to shut out competitors.” Jacob answered.

A colonization ship, it sounded like. I nodded and decided to let my questioning go after that. We were already on our way to get Tali on Haestrom. As soon as that was done, we could check this out to give Jacob some closure.

“Give me the coordinates. We can go there right after we pick up Tali.” I assured him with a smile.

“Thank you, Shepard. I appreciate it.” He answered with a smile of his own and pinged me the coordinates.

I smiled again and went to the elevators for my loft. Miranda’s polite reminder about mission reports seemed to whirr around in my mind. As boring as I thought this was, I sat at my terminal with some music on in the background and decided to actually work on my backlog.

Before I did, I checked my e-mail to see if there was anything interesting there. A couple of e-mails were there. Daniel telling me that the clinic was doing well on Omega was one of them. The one from Lorik Qui’in was very unexpected, just because I knew he didn’t like the way I solved things on Noveria. I smiled as I read it, though. There didn’t seem to be any hard feelings there. Other than that, there really wasn’t anything too interesting there. Just some people saying, ‘I heard you’re alive.’

Until I noticed that I had an unread e-mail from Kaidan.

I hesitated as I hovered over it. Why would he send me an e-mail? Didn’t he think I was a traitor? Curious to read what this would be about, I opened it and read it over a couple of times.

Shepard,

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?

Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember our time together before the Normandy got blown up? But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside.

But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die – on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.

When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care.

--Kaidan

This was an honest e-mail, that was plain to see. It was sad to read that he took my death as hard as he did, I had to admit that. I could also understand that it was a big shock seeing me alive in front of him, and that could make him say things without thinking. But even through that, I had two big issues with this e-mail.

The most obvious one was that he was referring to what he called our time together before the Normandy got blown up. What was he referring to here? What time together? The fact that I brought him out on missions and worked on his confidence? That was fine, if that was the case. I enjoyed seeing him better himself and it seemed like his confidence boost had paid off. He was a commander, and it happened only two years after his last promotion.

If he was referring to something else, then I honestly didn’t know what that would be. Nothing happened between us. He had flirted with me after I started to work on his confidence. A lot. A little too much. He ended up not taking a ‘no’ for an answer. Fifty no’s and a yes didn’t really mean yes. I was a stubborn woman. It wasn’t like I was going to ever say ‘yes’ in the future. That long and tight hug made sense if my suspicion was right and that he still had feelings for me.

The other issue I had was that this felt a little backhanded. An ‘I’m sorry you got hurt for what I said, but I still meant it’ kind of apology. This seemed to only be an explanation of why he had reacted in the way he did and nothing more. That meant that he didn’t listen to what I had said myself. I didn’t trust Cerberus myself. I hadn’t physically joined them. They were funding this mission and we were working towards a common goal right now.

Dignify this with an answer, or not, though? Answering might’ve just fueled his weird love interest in me. It might also not, depending on what I answered. I wanted to feel pissed off, but I hadn’t the energy to be pissed off right now. What I needed, was a second opinion. A friend that could tell me if answering would be a good idea, or not.

And just as I thought about that I needed a second opinion, my doors suddenly opened behind me. Someone entered and stood a couple of meters behind me. I got a little nervous just as it happened, but I mostly felt excited and happy. Had he finally come up here? Were we talking again? I smiled to myself before I turned around ready to greet Garrus.

Only it wasn’t Garrus and my smile faded as I understood that it wasn’t him. Mordin was here. In my loft. Without my code? I guess he was a doctor. Perhaps it was a safety thing. Maybe Karin had the same kind of exception to the rule. That was fine, if that was the case. I trusted both of them. It also seemed like the safest thing. The doctor would be able to help you even if your doors were locked.

Disappointment hit me first but I quickly hid it away, and offered up a smile to Mordin instead. “Mordin. Hey. Something you wanna talk about?”

My greeting was a little unenthusiastic, even I heard that, but Mordin didn’t seem to hear it. He seemed a little nervous about what he wanted to talk about. Fidgety in his own way. This was important and he was trusting me with what had to be a big secret, I gathered. I kept calm as I also understood that this was an uncomfortable one. He quickly calmed down and started to talk.

“Yes. Would like that, actually. Talked about work earlier. Time with Special Tasks Group. Studying genophage. Wasn’t entirely honest. Lie of omission. Also other kinds. Need to clear the air. Mission too important to keep secrets. Work on genophage was more than just study.” Mordin admitted.

“Okay. What were you doing with the krogan genophage?” I asked.

“Study at first, as I said. But uncovered surprising data. Krogan population was increasing at faster rate than expected. Krogan were adapting to genophage. Overcoming disease.” He explained.

It sounded like they were evolving, but I asked just to be sure. “Did the krogan evolve, or did some of their scientists develop a treatment?”

He looked at me with a small smile on his face. “Krogan scientist? Hah. Never met krogan scientist worthy of term. Natural evolution. Krogan physiology incredibly durable. Organ redundancy, backup systems, cellular regeneration. Genophage like any other natural hazard. Krogan evolved past it.”

Sure. Wrex had also said something about krogan not choosing the scientific field. It just felt a little insulting to make fun of that thought, in one way. Why couldn’t they be scientists? I let it go, though. I wasn’t a scientist or a doctor at all, and I had no useful input to add to that. Maybe the thought was as ridiculous as Mordin said.

But this was only background information. He had worked on this in one way. My guess was that he had stopped this evolutionary answer to the genophage from happening. An uncomfortable topic, for sure, and I understood why he had lied about it.

“Okay. Then what did your team do when it learned that the krogan were overcoming the genophage?” I asked calmly.

“Personally led a science team. Geneticists, chemists, sociologists, mathematicians. Created new version of genophage. Released it on Tuchanka, other krogan-centric areas. Restabilized krogan population.” He answered.

“How did your new version of genophage work?” I curiously asked.

“Krogan evolution attached garbage genetic code to genophage attack sites. Modification created other areas for garbage code to connect. Left sites clean, capable. Running smoothly.” He explained.

“How did you distribute this?” I wondered.

“Covert drops. Hospitals, clan centers, water supplies. Very difficult. Few salarians on Tuchanka. Team got caught a few times. Had to fight free. Messy. Better when things went as planned.” He admitted in a calmer and regretful tone.

“You never considered other options?” I asked.

“Hundreds. Thousands. Modified genophage offered best outcome. Stabilized population. Avoided publicity that could incite krogan anger. Averted potential genocide or devastating war. Best solution for whole galaxy, krogan included.” He answered.

I found myself at another impasse yet again. I was a human. Humans had nothing to do with the krogan rebellions or the rachni wars. We would never truly know how bad things were during those times. My input was worth nothing in the grand scheme of things. Just like it had been when I had to decide whether or not to let the rachni queen live, if I thought about it, though I guess I could offer the outsider’s viewpoint.

I definitely understood the galaxy’s side of this situation. Most of the krogan were understandably angry at the genophage even happening. A lot of them wanted revenge. Krogan blood rage was a thing. Another krogan rebellion seemed like a very bad idea, especially now when the Reapers were at our doorstep. Even I understood that.

My personal opinion? The genophage seemed to be creating a lot more chaos within the krogan. Wrex had seemed very defeated by the hopeless situation they were in. He was quick to turn on me on Virmire when he learned that Saren found a cure, and I completely understood why. He didn’t want his species to die out. Neither did I, if I thought about it. I liked the krogan. They deserved a chance to redeem themselves.

If they had overcome this by evolving past the genophage, then I thought they should be able allowed to do that. But this man had made sure that didn’t happen. However much I thought that was the wrong thing to do, I wasn’t in a position to lecture him about it. Both of us knew this was a difficult situation. I could sense there were some conflicting feelings within him. So I nodded and offered up a small smile to him instead.

“I doubt you’ve told many people about this. I appreciate you being honest with me and letting me know.” I assured him.

“Wanted you to know I’m willing to do what’s necessary. Should get back to work. Talk more later. Next time tissue synthesis has to compile. Good for free time.” Mordin answered with a smile and headed out of my room.

“Sure. Have a good evening, Mordin.” I called out after him.

Oh, boy. The man responsible for the new genophage on my team. I guess that really made him a genius in his own way. I wondered what Wrex would think if he knew I was working with Mordin. Would he be angry? Would he be disappointed? Would he understand this time? Maybe he actually would, for all I knew. He seemed to understand why the previous cure had to be stopped.

But this was different. This was someone who had made sure the krogan natural counter to the genophage wouldn’t happen at all. Conflicting feelings went through me as I thought about this. I wanted to visit dear Uncle Wrex before we went through the Omega 4 relay. I had to, because I loved that man. As much as I hated to keep secrets, I thought keeping this one would be the potential right thing to do if we did go to Tuchanka.

But these thoughts could wait, for now. We were hitting Haestrom tomorrow to get Tali, and I needed to do something useful before I would call it a night. So I did what I had been told to do and started to write mission reports.

Chapter Text

We were hitting Haestrom in an hour and I was in the mess hall eating breakfast. Played Galaxy of Fantasy on my omni-tool just to pass time. Yeah. I had very little to do while I waited for things to move forward. I guess I could do something useful, like write mission reports like a good commander would do. But where was the fun in that?

Right in the middle of a boss fight, I noticed someone sat down opposite to me. As I glanced up, I was surprised to see that it was the master thief herself. Kasumi Goto. She smiled as I looked up at her and I closed my game right away.

“Hey, Shep.” She greeted.

Shep, huh? I hated going by my last name. To me, that was something your superiors called you by. Formal. Way too respectful. If others did it because they’d forgotten my first name, then just asking was better than going with Shepard. Amongst friends and subordinates, I wanted to go by my first name. But I actually didn’t mind Kasumi calling me Shep at all. It was a cute nickname.

“Hey, Kasumi. Any word about that heist yet?” I asked her curiously.

I actually really looked forward to do that heist. While I wasn’t too keen on stealing anymore, I really felt like the thought of doing this heist was probably a little more exciting than it should be. Undercover work. Playing someone else. It would be like being with the Reds again or being on an infiltration mission, but a little less serious than that. Or so I hoped. Things tended to go to hell around me.

“Nothing yet, though I’m happy you haven’t forgotten about it. I’ll let you know. Why are you eating dextro-rations?” She asked curiously.

“Long explanation. Will ‘I like the taste of it’ work?” I answered innocently.

She chuckled and smiled. “I’ll let it work this time. Who are you bringing to go get the quarian?”

“I’m bringing Garrus. We both have a lot of experience killing geth.” I answered honestly.

“No surprise there. From what I hear, you always bring him with you for missions.” She pointed out smugly to me.

I certainly did, but things were weird between us right now, and I didn’t want to talk about it in the open. So I quickly continued to answer Kasumi like nothing was wrong at all.

“Yeah. For the second person… I’m not sure.” I admitted.

Garrus was the obvious first choice and he had already accepted coming along. Because he could answer mission requests just fine, just not direct questions. I wanted him along for a lot of reasons. Not only could he override shields, but he had experience with killing geth. We both had that. He was the obvious choice.

He was also the one person I trusted enough to do this with me. I wanted him to watch my six as I wanted to watch his. A staple team member, basically, just like he had been on the original Normandy. Besides, he could read minds. No one else could. Of course I would bring him along for that reason alone.

I hadn’t actually decided on the second person yet. I thought about bringing Grunt, just because he would like the action. But while he was a strong frontliner, I needed someone with a little more tech abilities than he had. I could ask Miranda again, but I didn’t want any Cerberus people with me while we got Tali. She was on a mission and bringing Cerberus along planet-side would create problems if we met quarians that weren’t Tali.

Besides, it basically was just overload that I needed, and if I thought about it, Kasumi did have the ability to overload. She also used her cloak a lot. Did she specialize in sneak attacks, like I did? That could actually be good. Overload shields away and then just hit the enemies with a well-placed shot that did a lot of damage. Damn. Kasumi actually was a good choice for this, wasn’t she?

“Do you want to come with us?” I asked and her smile grew wide.

“Yes. When will we arrive?” She asked back.

“About an hour. Meet me down in the shuttle bay.” I told her and got up to go get ready.

Having Kasumi with me. That would be the first time she was brought along on any missions. She seemed like a fun person. Like someone who was pretty down to earth and fun to be around. I felt excited to see how she worked in the field. I somehow already knew that she would be an excellent addition to this.

After getting dressed and heading down to the shuttle bay, Garrus, Kasumi and I entered the shuttle and sat in silence as we worked our way down to Haestrom. Nothing was said. Nothing was ever said anymore. I could see Kasumi cast her eyes between Garrus and I curiously, though she never said anything either. What, did she expect that we talked? Nah, we didn’t. At least not anymore.

Mika, our data indicates that Tali is somewhere in these ruins. There is considerable geth activity, and an environmental hazard. Solar output has overwhelmed Haestrom’s protective magnetosphere. Exposure to direct sunlight will damage your shields.

EDI gave us that warning as the shuttle made its way to ground-level. That was… not good. The three of us all used shields as our first line of defense. If they were blasted away, then we could potentially have a serious problem. That worried me. It also made me hope that we would be covered with good opportunities for some decent shade. What made it better, if anything could, was that this would work both ways. The geth also relied on shields.

We were dropped off in the shade and I spent time looking around. This had been a settlement once. That was clear to see. What looked like grey ancient stone buildings were all around us. They were at the point of crumbling, weathered by none not taking care of them ever since the quarians were wiped out of their own world.

These ancient buildings were accompanied by what looked to be newer orange walkways and platforms. Navigational purposes, I knew they were there for that. There was no way to be sure if those were placed there by the quarians themselves or the geth, but they certainly would help us move forward, if anything.

It was hot outside. Around 44 degrees and even in the shade it was clear that the sun was going to be an issue. It was difficult to explain why I felt this way, but it seemed like the heat was more concentrated, maybe. The radiation was up? I wasn’t too sure. Maybe Tali would tell me about it later. This was her mission, after all.

Speaking of the devil, we wouldn’t be able to get to her by just standing still. We made our way forward by going down. A part of this walkway forced us into the sun and my shields immediately started to fry. They ticked down slowly and steadily, and it didn’t stop until we were safely in the shade again. This was worse than I had hoped it would be.

“I’m having serious issues with my shields.” Garrus noted out loud.

“And I’m wearing black. Can we stay in the shade, please?” Kasumi commented back.

“Well, I’m wearing black and my shields are frying. Stay in the shade as much as possible.” I commented to them both.

We ended up in front of some sort of blocked gateway with a door taking us further into what looked like a control room. This had to be a part of the newer technology that was on this planet. Either made for research purposes, here to block off enemy fire or to keep them further in. Inside this room was a sad sight. Dead quarians, about three of them. An emergency log was playing the background.

The geth are here. I’ve stayed to buy the others time. Anyone who gets this, find Tali’Zorah. She and that data are all that matters. Keelah se’lai.

Tali could handle herself. But however much she could handle herself, one would be foolish to think that the geth were a laughing matter. They could pose a great threat, especially if they brought more of their advanced units. Rocket troopers, primes, destroyers, units like that. And armatures, of course. I really hoped we wouldn’t face any of those.

But this room had a control station that opened our way forward. I opened it and our way forward was suddenly clear. Determined to get my sister out of this mess, we walked straight out and through the now cleared way forward.

An open area met us. More of those orange walkways were here and so was the sound of an engine getting closer and closer. Looking up, I saw the familiar hornet shape that I had first looked confused at on Therum. The geth were most definitely here and they were not going to let us investigate peacefully, just like they had stopped the quarians here from doing.

“Incoming dropship!” I warned, like neither Garrus nor Kasumi had eyes of their own.

The dropship shot down a respectable amount of shock troopers. Still the more easy geth variant to get rid of, thankfully. Not taking chances and not keen to spend more time here than we had to, I went into cloak and headed up one of the walkways for the height advantage. My shields burned as I got exposed to the harsh sun, but I compensated by quickly emptying a full round of my Black Widow into four shock troopers.

There were about six left and I needed my shields to replenish themselves. I waited in cover and watched Garrus and Kasumi take the rest of them down. Garrus already impressed me with the way he worked, but watching Kasumi was strange. It was kinda like watching myself work, only she delivered the devastating blows melee style with her omni-blade.

True to her heritage her omni-blade looked like a katana. And holy shit. She dropped enemies like they were nothing to her. I watched her awestruck as she kept going in and out of cloak, shadow striking and overloading when necessary. Damn. This woman was incredible. Doing a heist with her was going to be so incredibly fun.

My shields were completely replenished by the time all of the geth from the dropship were dealt with. After making my way down to Garrus and Kasumi, I looked at her in awe and she just had the nerve to give me an innocent look back. If she kept this up, then I would have to bring her along for more missions in the future.

Noise in the background caught my attention. It sounded like someone talking on an old-school kind of walkie-talkie. After looking around, I quickly went up to it and found it lying on the ground close to where we had been.

“Break-break-break. OP-1, this is Squad Leader Kal’Reegar, do you copy? The geth sent a dropship towards OP-2. Tali’Zorah’s secure, but we need backup. We’re bunkered up here. Can you send support?” A man asked.

This Kal’Reegar sounded like a quarian marine, judging by the way he spoke. Someone trained to fight. A soldier. It sent me into soldier-mode immediately. I picked it up and started to answer him.

“This is Commander Mikaela Shepard of the Normandy. Can we provide any assistance?” I asked.

“Patch your radio into Channel 617 Theta. We were on a stealth mission. High risk. We found what we were after, but the geth found us. They’ve got us pinned down. Can’t get to our ship, can’t transmit data through the solar radiation.” He told me.

I patched my radio to the channel he wanted. Kasumi first gave me a nod to tell me that she heard it on her end. Garrus also let me know after that. I put the old-school walkie on the ground after that.

“What brought you this deep into geth-controlled space?” I asked curiously.

“You’re asking the wrong person, Shepard. I just point and shoot. Something about the sun. It’s going bad faster than it should. Some kind of energy problem.” He answered.

“Any idea where the geth came from?” I asked, even if we certainly were deep in geth space.

“One of their patrol ships found us. Dropships started raining geth down on our heads before we could get off-world. System’s under geth control. We knew they made planetary sweeps periodically. We’d hoped going low-emissions would hide us.” He explained.

Nah, they would need stealth systems akin to the Normandy to be able to hide from the geth. We already knew they worked as intended. I hadn’t asked anyone, but my guess was that the new Normandy also had the same sort of stealth systems in them. Exactly how had Cerberus gotten the plans for the Normandy?

“What about reinforcements?” I wondered.

“I don’t think so. Their patrol ship hasn’t lifted off again, and the radiation blocks all offworld communication.” Kal’Reegar suspected and that made sense to me.

“What about you? How many of you are left?” I wondered, feeling a little concerned for the quarians.

“We were a small squad. Dozen marines, plus the science team. We’re down to half-strength now. Made the synthetic bastards pay for it, though.” He answered and sounded both somber and angry at the same time

That wasn’t good. That meant we had to make our way to them as fast as possible for them to survive. Tali was my main concern, but that didn’t mean that I wanted any of the other quarians to die. If I could help the ones that were left, I would.

“How are you holding up? We can be there in a few minutes.” I offered up.

“Take it slow and careful. Direct sunlight fries your shields all to hell. We’re bunkered down at base camp across the valley. I left Tali’Zorah at a secure shelter, then doubled back to hold the chokepoint Getting Tali out safely is our top priority. If you can extract her, we’ll keep them off you.” Kal’Reegar answered, accepting my help right away.

An uncomfortable question, but I had to ask. “You’re sure Tali’s alive?”

“Affirmative. Left my best men with her. When you get here, you can talk to her on the comm. Every marine on this rock is sworn to protect Tali’Zorah. Long as one of us is still drawing air, she’ll be safe.” He assured me.

I looked around and saw a bigger door to my right. This felt like it was the way forward where we would meet up with Kal’Reegar and extract Tali safely.

“Stay where you are. We’ll hit their back ranks.” I told him.

“Wait! Watch your ass! We’ve got a dropship coming in!” He warned.

Looking up, he was right. A dropship made its way over us. I expected it to send geth flying to the ground, but that’s not what happened. It bombed the area in front of our way forward, making a big pile of rubble wall fall in front of the door. Shit. That would make things more difficult right away.

“Crap. Doorway’s blocked! Grab the demo charges in the buildings nearby! Use them to clear a path!” Kal’Reegar suggested.

I didn’t spend time answering him. It sounded like time was of the essence, so we had to move quickly to make sure we got to them before the geth completely obliterated them. EDI chimed in right away, always ready to help out and be incredibly useful, it seemed.

Mika, I have scanned the area and located the demolition charges the quarian commander mentioned.

“Hook it up to my radar.” I answered her.

Done. You will need both sets of charges to clear the rubble.

After scanning with my omni-tool, the first set of charges were down from where we were at in what looked like a garage. So were a lot of geth. Most of them were shock troopers, though I did see some rocket troopers. They got the two-shot combo, just like old times. Other than that, it was a fairly straight-forward stream of shock troopers that were headed our way.

Or so I thought. Garrus suddenly overloaded what looked like the air and it made me look at him confused. What was going on now? There was nothing there at all. Or so I thought, again. Because he landed a shot in the same area and a geth – hidden in cloak – died on the spot. It surprised me to the point that I just ended up staring at him for a while surprised.

Had they really stolen my trademark move? That was unfair. Well. Maybe not, but this made things more complicated. The fact that he was the only one that could see them made this more difficult right away. But I trusted him to be able to find these hidden hunters on his own. Kasumi and I could take care of the rest while he did that. Like the good man he was, I didn’t need to tell him that either.

The rest of the geth went down with ease. It was just a matter of avoiding the shock troopers’ carnage shots and popping them in their flashlight heads whenever they poked them out of cover. As soon as the area cleared, we headed into the garage to look for the first charge.

I saw it sitting on a table right away, but I also saw what looked like Tali’s research log. Would I be overstepping by listening to it? Could this be considered invading her privacy? I didn’t think so. This was a research log and not a personal log. Curious about what it said, I pressed play and listened to it.

We need a core sample to get a timeline on the rate of radiation increase, but our equipment keeps dying on us. Shepard once used a mining laser to clear some rubble back on Therum. Maybe I can do something similar with demolition charges.

I smiled and felt a pleasant fuzzy feeling grow in my stomach as I listened to that. Pulling inspiration from me, huh? That was nice to hear. It was a crude solution to a problem that had to be solved right away. But it didn’t look like she went with the plan, considering that the charge still was here and unused. Maybe the fact that me doing that created a seismic event changed her mind, and I wouldn’t argue if that was the case at all.

My curiosity satisfied, I picked up the charge and turned to leave. Another dropship decided to make sure we had a difficult time doing so, and I sighed as I saw that it had dropped off a geth prime along with two shock troopers. Primes were difficult to deal with. Tough, big, strong, not fun.

“Kasumi, I need you to overload that Prime’s shields with Garrus.” I told her.

She did right away just as Garrus also overloaded its shields. As they worked on that, I spent the time snuffing out the two shock troopers from existence. The armor on the prime was next and that would be my job to deal with. Incinerate it was, and it almost completely destroyed it. Garrus finished it off with a headshot right in its little flashlight head, and we were done. For now, at least.

My omni-tool told me that we had to turn left after that. It would take us down to a second type of building that could look like a garage, too. As if we were back hunting Saren, more geth arrived to greet us. This group had one of those cloaked hunters with them, but Garrus took care of it right away. A destroyer was among them, though, and they seemed to have changed over the two years.

They were basically pyrotechnicians now. Walking flamethrowers. Dangerous as hell, and it needed to die right away. The gas canisters on its back helped me a lot with that. After I placed a shot into one of them, the destroyer exploded within a matter of seconds and even took some of the shock troopers around it with it as it went down.

There luckily hadn’t been too many geth here, so I decided to head up the walkway and see what was here. Another one of Tali’s research logs were waiting at a terminal and I played it to hear what she had gathered from her research.

It’s next to impossible to get accurate solar measurements. The radiation keeps burning out our equipment. This sun shouldn’t be like this. It was stable a few hundred years ago. Stars don’t die that quickly.

While it was both interesting and scary to think about why this sun was dying quicker than expected, this wasn’t the time to think too hard about it. I hoped she had gotten what she needed, because a lot of quarians had died for this research. I hoped her bosses thought their sacrifices were worth it, because I wasn’t too sure if I thought it was.

Continuing along the walkway took us to a building to the side. After opening the shutters that blocked off the windows here, I understood right away that this could function as a good sniper perch. The sun would be the biggest disadvantage of being here, but other than that, this would work well to snuff out anyone below us. I filed it to the back of my mind in case we would get ambushed.

Heading down and into that other area that looked like a garage to me was the second and last demolition charge. We could now blow up that path so we could join up with Kal’Reegar and get Tali to safety. And as if I already knew what would happen, geth surrounded us just as I picked it up.

After heading into cover, I saw that three rocket troopers were wailing on us from above, while a destroyer was menacingly making its way towards us on ground-level. Those rocket trooper needed to be dealt with first, just because they had the height advantage. Just to be on the safe side, I went into cloak before I shot the first two with two shots each. The last one got taken care of by Garrus.

The destroyer was next and that was just a matter of placing a shot in the gas canister on its back. As soon as I did that and it exploded, we were just left with a small handful of shock troopers.

“If we head to the left, we can flank them.” Garrus noted to me.

Sure. That would be the most tactical solution to this problem. If this had any chance of dragging out, then I would’ve gone up there myself. But why bother now? There were only shock troopers left and there weren’t many of them left at all. It just seemed like it would take more time than it would to just get them killed.

“There are like three left. We can take them out on ground level.” I told him.

I wasn’t sure if he agreed with me or not, and I wasn’t too sure if I cared. It wasn’t like I could ask him after this mission either, just because he wouldn’t talk to me. So I just focused on what we were doing. Like I suspected, the small handful of geth that were left went down without too much fight, and we could now go and set the demolition charges.

The explosion was a little smaller than I hoped it would be but it got us into some sort of room. A base camp, perhaps? Inside was a geth dragging itself across the floor. It was damaged and close to death. I put it out of its misery by shooting it in the head. And boy were there a lot of death around us. Geth, quarian… a lot of people were dead for this research. Was it really worth it?

“Quarian architecture. There’s two words you don’t expect to hear together.” Garrus noted fascinated as he looked around.

“This deep behind geth lines! Hope the quarians got what they were looking for.” Kasumi noted herself in a more uncomfortable tone.

Another one of Tali’s research logs were here and I played it just as curiously as I had with the others.

Our ancestors walked these halls with uncovered heads. The sun must have been normal back then. So much space. Walls of stone… it’s amazing. I wish my friends could see it. I wish Shepard was here.

Yet again I smiled to myself. If she only knew how close I was. Damn it, I hoped she was still alive. So many quarian dead and the geth weren’t playing around this time. They seemed like they had gone all in with their troops this time. Eager to get their creators away from their space.

A comm terminal suddenly activated itself. “Tali’Zorah to base camp. Come in, base camp. Hello? Is anyone there?”

I sighed in relief as I ran up to it. “Tali, it’s Shepard. I’m sorry. Everyone here is dead. Any survivors must have fallen back.”

“We knew this mission was high risk. Damn it. And what are you doing here, Shepard? We’re in the middle of geth space!” She asked back either shocked or confused, or maybe both.

“Oh, you know. Was just in the neighborhood. Heard you might need a hand.” I told her with a smile on my face.

“Thanks for coming, Shepard. It means a lot to hear your voice. Kal’Reegar and what’s left of the marines got me into the observatory. From where you are, it’s through the door across the field. I got the data I needed, and I’m safe for now, but I’ve got a lot of geth outside.” She told me.

A pretty straight forward path, from what she said. I didn’t like that she had a lot of geth outside where she was, though. That made me nervous. It also sounded like Kal’Reegar could be in trouble.

“Is anyone else still with you, or are you alone out there?” I wondered carefully.

“Reegar had a team of marines covering me when I ran for the observatory. At least some of them are still alive. I can hear them firing at the geth outside.” She answered.

“Would bringing in the Normandy help?” I offered up.

“Doubtful. These buildings are centuries old. If you bring down heavy fire, this whole place could collapse on us.” She speculated and that sounded about right to me.

I looked over at the door she had been talking about. It was locked. That normally wouldn’t be a problem. Hacking doors open wasn’t difficult at all, but it was difficult when the console I had to do it on was damaged. Time to see if Tali’s hacking speed had improved over the past two years, then.

“Right. On foot it is. It looks like somebody sealed the door against the geth, and the console is damaged on my end. Can you get it open on your end?” I asked her.

“Let me see… yes, I can do it. Here. Should be unlocked now. Be careful, Shepard. And please, do what you can to keep Reegar alive.” She answered.

The doors unlocked and the comms were cut after that. Yep. She had been working on her hacking speed. That was quick and efficient, indeed. Impressive. Maybe she would teach me more about engines when we came back to the Normandy. If she wanted to join me back on the Normandy, that was.

I wondered if she had a thing for Reegar since she specifically asked me to keep him alive. From her own words, there were others there, too, but she wanted him alive. He seemed pretty dedicated to keep her safe, but that could just be because it was his job and his duty as a marine. But he sounded like a good man. A dedicated man. A soldier, though one of the more passionate ones. Tali was passionate, too. Yeah, I thought they could be a good fit.

Playing matchmaker was not on my agenda right now, so we passed through the now unlocked door instead. We needed to get to the other side, where the probably would be another door leading to where Tali was. We were forced into cover right away, just because we were bull-rushed by geth drones. There was also a geth prime among them. Right now, he was doing what he could to make sure the pressure was on big time.

Since Kasumi and Garrus could easily deal with the drones, I told them to do that while I went in cloak and ran to the other side of the open area. Cover was there and we now had the perfect setup for a flanking attack. Doing what I could to make sure this would hurt as much as it could, I emptied my clip to the back of its head and then set off an incinerate.

Just as it turned around to focus its attention on me, Kasumi had already gotten into cloak. Seemed like she wanted the final takedown with this one. Since I couldn’t see her, I let her have it. One cloaked strike later, and the prime was dead. So were all of the drones and we could finally make our way over to where Tali was.

I opened the door right away with my team hot on my heels. A walkway to our right would take us down. We seemed to be at some sort of security shutter and fighting was heard from the other side. I opened them, thinking it would give us a better view of the situation in front of us before we rushed in. While it did, it also told a good story of what we would be facing here.

A lot of geth, of course, but that wasn’t really what caught my attention. Oh no. What caught my attention was the four-legged thing standing in a pretty good position. It still kinda reminded me of a weird version of a deer. The mounted guns to its sides and that wide and blue camera told me everything I needed to know. We had faced its cousin on foot two years ago. And while I hoped that this was one of the smaller ones, I knew we weren’t that lucky this time.

“That is a geth fucking colossus.” I muttered out.

A nervous vibration could audibly be heard coming from Garrus and I shared his feeling in that moment. This was bad. We had to take it out on foot. I missed my mako in that moment. As if it heard me – I didn’t think it did, it probably saw the shutters move – its camera trailed over to our position. As soon as it saw us, it sent its blue orb thing flying towards us. Staring at it was over. We had to move.

“Get down!” I yelled.

We threw ourselves to the ground and missed the explosion by mere seconds. As soon as the coast was clear we decided the best use of our time would be to head down to where the fighting actually would take place. While the colossus had caught my attention, I also saw plenty of cover. Places to think. We had to get there as soon as possible.

“Definitely like old times.” Garrus muttered out behind me and that made me smile.

What met us down this walkway and immediately at the entrance was a quarian. That would be just one lone quarian. He motioned us over to him and I placed myself in cover right next to him.

“Squad Leader Kal’Reegar, Migrant Fleet Marines. We talked on the radio before that dropship arrived. Still got no idea why you’re here, but this ain’t the time to be picky.” He greeted.

Yeah, I knew I liked him at that moment. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, and all that. We weren’t geth, we obviously were there to help, and he wasn’t going to waste that by asking questions right now. As if he knew what my question was going to be, he told me the essential information right away.

“Tali’s inside over there. The geth killed the rest of my squad, and they’re trying to get to her. Best I’ve been able to do is draw their attention.” He said and motioned to the door behind the colossus.

“Is she safe?” I asked.

“The observatory is reinforced. Even the geth will need time to get through it. And it’s hard to hack a door when someone’s firing rockets at you. The geth are near platoon strength, but the colossus is the worst part. It’s got a repair protocol. Huddles up and fixes itself. I can’t get a clear shot while it’s down like that. I tried to move in closer, and one of the bastards punched a shot clean through my suit.” Reegar told me.

Of course it had a repair protocol. That meant we had to get close enough so we could tickle it to death without it balling up to fix itself. Keep the pressure on, basically. But Reegar’s suit damage caught my attention right away. Would he be all right?

“How bad is your suit damage?” I asked concerned.

“Combat seals clamped down to isolate contamination, and I’m swimming in antibiotics. The geth might get me, but I’m not going to die from an infection in the middle of a battle. That’s just insulting.” He answered and I struggled to not smile, because I understood the feeling.

“We need to get to Tali. Got any ideas?” I asked, just to see what he would think himself.

He shrugged. “Just one. I’m not moving so well, but I can still pull a trigger, and I’ve got a rocket launcher that the sun hasn’t fried yet. You move in close. I’ll keep the colossus busy, maybe even drop its shields. With luck, you’ll be able to finish it off.”

That would work, but Tali had been clear when she told me that she wanted him alive. That meant that I wouldn’t let him take the heat while we snuck around. I shook my head and disagreed out loud.

“No. You’ve done enough, Reegar. You don’t need to throw your life away.” I countered.

“Wasn’t asking your permission. My job is to keep Tali safe. This is our best shot.” He disagreed.

I had no command over him and he technically could do whatever he wanted to do. But I couldn’t let him die. Tali wanted him alive and I didn’t need him to make sure he died by doing this. As he started to get up to follow through with his own plan, I got up and pulled him to the wall next to us.

“We don’t have enough people on our side for you to take one for the team! Stand the fuck down!” I ordered.

“I’m not going to stand there while you run into enemy fire! They killed my whole squad!” He countered sounded agitated.

“If you want to honor your squad, then watch my back! What if they bring reinforcements? I need you on our six!” I told him.

He backed down and went behind cover again. “All right, Shepard. We’ll do it your way. Hit them for me. Keelah se’lai.”

Keelah se’lai, indeed. Right. I had no idea what that meant, but it sounded like some sort of good luck. Scoping the area around me, we had three paths we could take. We could just go straight ahead. That gave us a lot of cover, but we would be at the mercy of the colossus. Going left shielded us from the colossus, but had almost no cover at all.

Going right seemed like an interesting solution. The geth would probably be heavier there, but the place had cover. The sun also hit the area, but again, we could hide behind cover. It would shield us from the colossus, give us height advantage, I think I could see a sniper perch right by the colossus, and it was just too good of a way to go to not take it.

“We’re going right. We need the height advantage.” I decided to the others.

Black Widow ready, I went into cloak and made my way up the right side. Geth immediately met us, but not the most dangerous kinds. A lot of shock troopers and a destroyer. The latter got its fuel tank tampered with and it took a few of the troopers down with it in the explosion it created. The three remaining shots from my Black Widow took care of three other shock troopers.

The colossus had its eye on me, so to speak. As soon as I was out of cloak it started to hound me with those blue orbs. Sticking to cover was the only way of making sure it didn’t hit any of us. That was our plan until we actually would arrive at the sniper perch. I let it hound me while Kasumi and Garrus took care of the rest of the geth.

And so at the sniper perch, we were not right by the colossus. I had forgotten just how incredibly huge they were. I had taken a closer look at armatures on Ilos. Even thought about the option of mounted combat with them, though I seemed to remember that I thought they were too slow for that to be an option. It had shields, because of course it had shields. The armor was also insane on this thing.

This would take a while to kill. The only thing we could do, was just tickle it until it died from laughter.

Garrus and Kasumi each set off an overload to the shields. It burned out only half of it, which sucked. I didn’t know why I expected it to do more than that, because this was a big boy right here. It would take a while to kill it. They managed to quickly set off another round overload, though, and that burned away its shields completely.

Now it was my turn. A big incinerate later, and the armor was starting to loosen up. After that, it was just about tickling it to death, which we did. We tickled and tickled while avoiding its blue orbs and machine guns. Whenever we could, we tried to hit what had to be soft spots. Like the camera. It took close to no damage from our rounds, but that was expected.

The final shot was mine and the resulting explosion the colossus let off as it died made me both smile to myself and let out a big and relieved breath. The tickle fight was over and we won. I looked over to where Reegar was and saw him still watching our six. Good. He seemed to be all right. Now was the time to get Tali and get the hell out of here before more geth came.

“Just a second. I locked the doors to keep more geth from getting inside… there. That should do it.” She informed through the comms.

The doors unlocked and I went inside quickly. She was right there by a console, but didn’t immediately get over to us.

“Just let me finish this download.” She told me.

Right. Her research. I looked around while I waited and realized she had killed quite a few geth on her own. They must have been waiting for her here. If they hadn’t been able to break through with a damned colossus on their side, then I didn’t know what would do it. We waited patiently until she headed over to us. I got a hug. Garrus got one, too.

“Thank you, Shepard. If not for you, I would never have made it out of this room. This whole mission has been a disaster. I wish I’d joined you back on Freedom’s Progress, but I couldn’t let anyone take my place on something this risky.” Tali said somberly.

“So what were you researching here?” I wondered.

“Haestrom’s sun is destabilizing. Back when this was a quarian colony, it was a normal star. It shouldn’t change that quickly.” She answered.

“Have you figured out why this is happening?” I asked curiously.

“If I had to guess, I’d say that it was dark energy affecting the interior of the star. The effect is similar to when stars blow off mass to enter a red giant phase, but Haestrom’s sun is far too young for this to be natural.” She explained.

We would never know, it sounded like. She had a theory, but it didn’t sound like she had any hard proof of what was going on at all. So much trouble and so much danger. So many lives lost. It was an uncomfortable question that was on my mind, but we were friends. I trusted her to give me an honest answer when I asked it.

“Was it worth it?”

“I don’t know, Shepard. It wasn’t my call. The Admiralty Board believed the information here was worth sacrificing all our lives for. I have to believe that they know what’s best.” Tali answered somberly.

“But I asked what you thought.” I pointed out.

She looked at me and looked away for a few seconds. That really told me what I wanted to know. But she took a deep breath and gave me her answer.

“A lot of people died here. Some of them were my friends. All of them were good at their jobs. That damned data better be worth it. The price was too high.” She answered fiercely.

“Well, whatever the reason, I’m glad I could help. Once you deliver the data, do you want to join me on the Normandy?” I asked her, deciding it was time to get down to business.

“I promised to see this mission through. I did. I can leave with you and send the data to the Fleet. And if the admirals have a problem with it, they can go to hell. I just watched the rest of my team die.” She decided then and there.

“Maybe not the whole rest of your team, ma’am.” Reegar said behind us.

I turned around and was happy to see him still standing. A little beaten and broken now that the adrenaline was wearing off, but like Tali wanted, I had made sure he was alive. Yeah. She had a thing for him. I was so sure of it.

“Reegar. You made it!” She exclaimed relieved next to me, and that loving tone in her voice made me smile to myself.

“Your old captain’s as good as you said. Damn colossus never stood a chance.” Reegar noted impressed.

I shrugged. “Got a lot of practice. Do you need me to drop you off somewhere, Reegar?”

“The geth didn’t damage our ship. Long as we get out of here before reinforcements show up, we’ll be fine.” He answered.

“Actually, I won’t be going with you. I’m joining Shepard.” Tali told him.

“I’ll pass the data to the Admiralty Board and let them know what happened. She’s all yours now, Shepard. Keep her safe.” He assured Tali and told me.

“You know I will.” I promised him.

As much as I wanted to ask her about Reegar, I let it go and decided to save it for another time. We could talk about that when we were alone, drinking, or watching a movie up in my loft. Tali was back and the ship suddenly felt a lot more like home. Like it used to back in the old days. We sat in the shuttle and talked, Tali, Kasumi and I. Garrus sat and fiddled with his omni-tool by himself, not really joining the conversation. I was used to it by this point and decided to leave it alone.

Tali joined me in my loft while I showered and changed. I could understand that. She didn’t feel totally comfortable yet and wanted me in the welcome meeting I bet would be hosted by Jacob. As soon as I was done, we did head down to the comm room just to get it over with.

Why wasn’t I surprised to see that it was Jacob himself that was the one to host this welcome committee? He always seemed to be and I wondered why he had that job. He could sometimes be a little… weird. Especially around aliens. Probably not too surprising, considering that he worked for Cerberus. And I was pretty sure he had fucked my X.O. That had to give him perks.

I stood watching the conversation while Tali seemed to pace back and forth along the table in the middle of the comm room. Jacob had his most perfect and understanding smile on his face for this meeting. The first time meeting Tali had been tense and it seemed like he didn’t want to add to the tension this time.

“Cerberus saw footage of you in action, Tali’Zorah. We’re looking forward to having you on the team. Your engineering expertise will really benefit the mission.” He said to her.

A compliment. That was nice of him. I didn’t think it would mean anything to Tali. He was Cerberus and if there was one thing Tali was, it was deeply connected to her people. The fact that they had threatened the safety of the Migrant Fleet was enough for her to immediately not trust anyone on this ship.

“I don’t know who you are, but Cerberus threatened the security of the Migrant Fleet. Don’t make nice.” She sternly answered him.

“I need people who aren’t Cerberus here – people I can trust. Thank you for being here, Tali.” I said to her.

“I wasn’t part of what happened to the Migrant Fleet, but I understand your distrust. I hope we’ll get past that as we work together.” Jacob offered up as an apology.

He was actually doing a good job up until this point. Being humble. Tali didn’t seem to care, though. I couldn’t be sure, just because of her mask, but I think she rolled her eyes to him. She then turned to face me and even went right up to my face to make sure I listened very carefully to what she was telling me.

“I assumed that you were undercover, Shepard. Maybe even planning to blow Cerberus up. If that’s the case, I’ll loan you a grenade. Otherwise, I’m here for you. Not for them.” She told me.

But she already knew I wasn’t undercover. I hadn’t joined them at all. They were just funding our mission. That was it. I’d already told her about my feelings towards working with Cerberus. Had she really forgotten about that already?

Not keen to make her angry – I was both extremely happy and thankful to have her here, especially considering the quarian history with Cerberus – I decided to let it go and just assured her that her being here for me was all I needed from her.

“That’s all I need. If it helps, check out the Normandy while you’re here. We’ve gotten a few upgrades.” I offered up to her.

“I’ll get Tali’Zorah the necessary security clearance to access our systems.” Jacob chimed in.

“Please do. I can’t be part of your team if I don’t know how the ship works.” She sarcastically answered him.

If kinda felt like none understood just how capable Tali actually was just because she was a quarian. At least, that was the impression I often got from the people working for Cerberus. They just viewed her weird and didn’t think this girl could kick ass at all. Oh, she could. This was the woman who turned a geth prime hostile towards its own friendlies so the fight we had finished easier. Tali was awesome. A complete badass. And just to add to the badassery, she used a shotgun.

She turned around to face me this time, and I knew she wasn’t done telling me about her feelings on Cerberus. “Remember, Shepard, these people thought enslaving Thorian creepers and rachni was a good idea. I’ll be in engineering.”

She started to leave and I found myself getting what I really didn’t want to be. Annoyed. I couldn’t expect her to agree with me. That would be asking too much from her. I just hoped she could one day understand why I was doing what I was doing. I didn’t answer her this time, as her telling me off started to rub me the wrong way. The last thing I wanted was to be angry with her when she was trusting my decision to work with someone that had attacked her people.

I understood her hesitation regarding Cerberus. It just hurt a little that she seemed to have forgotten that I had some hesitation regarding this myself. My own reservations ravished my mind often from time to time. I didn’t need someone constantly telling me how crazy I was all the time, too. But she trusted that I was working with them for legitimate reasons, and she would help me finish this. That I appreciated, and that was also all I needed from her on a professional level.

“Don’t forget to introduce yourself to EDI, the ship’s new artificial intelligence.” Jacob said after her just before she left.

Tali turned around and eyed him coldly for a few seconds before she silently left for the elevator. While he had done a good job of being humble, he just fucked up right there. It just was another example of how incredibly insensitive and ignorant humans could be at times. Maybe he just said something stupid without thinking about it, but bringing up AI like it was a good thing was probably not the best thing to do around a quarian.

“Did I say something wrong?” Jacob asked me after she left.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t think she expects anything else from Cerberus. I certainly don’t.” I answered honestly.

He looked at me confused and with a certain look of either hurt or anger in his eyes. Realizing that what Tali had said had managed to slightly sour my mood, I took a deep breath and smiled. I needed to explain myself so he didn’t think I was just being a bitch for no good reason at all.

“Sometimes it’s just made clear that humans are insensitive towards other species. It wouldn’t hurt us to pick up a book from time to time, or try to learn from each other. Never mind. We’re heading to 2175 Aeia. I already told Joker to go there. We should be there by tomorrow midday.” I told Jacob.

I already knew I wanted Garrus with me for that mission and he had already accepted coming along. This time it wasn’t purely his battle-prowess I wanted him there for. We wanted to figure out what happened to this ship and I thought maybe that a former investigator would be able to add inn his two cents while we were doing that.

Besides, while it probably made me a bad commander to think about it this way, Jacob wasn’t the most capable guy out in the field. Garrus and I could kick ass and carry Jacob along this mission on our own without him.

After this, we would actually go to Zorya to help those refinery workers that Zaeed had informed me about. They had entered my mind lately and we needed to take care of that before something bad happened. Thinking ahead, I had already booked Garrus for that one, too, and he had accepted coming along with me.

Then it would be straight off to Illium to pick up our two newest dossiers for Thane and Samara, while we waited for more information from the Illusive Man. I had to say that this being in charge thing felt good. We were moving forward steadily. I just missed the best use of my down time that I had on the original Normandy. Hanging out with my best friend.

Chapter Text

Grunt was sitting by himself eating food and I decided to join him this time. He seemed deep in thought as he looked around with such a child-like wonder on his face. I guess that happened when you were a krogan adult man-child. You had the body and capability of an adult, and at the same time, you were mentally just a kid. He fascinated me.

“Hey, Grunt. You look like you’re thinking about something. What’s on your mind?” I asked as I sat down with him.

“The hold is too open. Not enough cover. Armor is limited. Warlord Granth would target the cargo bay to scatter heavy cargo, then focus on engines. That’s what tank imprints show about human ships, anyway. It’s how I learned from the tank – old pictures where memory is. Like holding a book for a child. Just ‘remember this,’ picture after picture. No help with finding a reason to care.” He answered me.

“I’m curious. What other human info’s floating around in there?” I wondered curiously.

“Less than a finger deep to sever your spine. You’re soft. Salarians, asari, all soft. Quarians, not so much. Turians, you have to work the blade, I guess. Don’t see much point to it though.” He told me with a shrug.

Right. This was a krogan and violence was the name of the game. Of course it would be about ways to kill us. I didn’t know quarians had harder bodies than us, though. That was news to me, too. Turians weren’t surprising. They were all plates and hard hide, difficult to kill unless you knew where to stab.

But Grunt started to laugh to himself and looked at me as I wondered what he found so funny. “Heh, ‘much point.’ Ah, never mind.”

Yes. A joke about turians being pointy. Well done. I smiled and chuckled out of politeness. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t not funny, either. Felt like a dad joke, if anything. A bad pun. It was more funny to me that he found it to be so funny.

But I got what he was saying. He had been showed what to care about, but not necessarily why he was supposed to care about this. He lacked purpose and was trying to find it within what he had learned.

“Very funny. You’re as genetically krogan as you can get. Something must move you.” I pointed out.

“I see suffering, the dead, and I think ‘weak.’ I’m supposed to be strong. My guts were grown from thousands more worthy. The dead were weak. If they were strong, I wouldn’t be needed. I don’t know why Okeer started teaching… when he turned on the tank the first time, I screamed. Weak, pitiful.” He admitted and looked a little ashamed.

“So you started small, but you became what you are. Not everyone gets that chance.” I told him with a shrug.

“I’m built for strength but I didn’t earn it. I just am. Those dead were strong enough to try, even if they lost. The perfect krogan. Ignoring what made me. No strength in that. I’ll take another look at what happened to the krogan. Find a reason to care about it.” He decided on his own.

Wasn’t too sure what I could do to help him. This could just end up being some kind of weird culture clash. He was a krogan. I was a human. We handled issues very differently. We would see how this would turn out, I guess. If push came to shove, then maybe I would have to actually ask a krogan for help to guide him. Uncle Wrex, maybe. Damn, I wanted to see him again.

“Sure. Let me know if you need anything.” I assured him with a smile.

I left after that and got dressed ready for the mission. Jacob and Garrus were already ready to move. This could just potentially just be about finding a corpse, though the beacon activating after so long made that feel wrong. Something had happened. I just hoped it wasn’t anything too serious.

As we landed on the planet, I was surprised to see just how tropical and nice it was here. The sky was blue, we were right by a beach, what looked like palm trees and a lot of greenery were surrounding us. This looked nice. Even the two huge moons in the sky complimented this area in a pleasant way. Shit. This was a place one could retire on and live like a queen. What was the catch, right?

I have run a scan of the ship. I detect no life signs, but there may be useful technology or information still inside.

EDI’s information got placed in the back of my mind. Looking ahead, I saw the crash site of the Hugo Gernsback. This was a huge ship. A carrier, here to settle this planet. And it looked like it had gone down hard. It didn’t bode well at all.

“There it is. And mostly intact. They could have survived impact… but it’s been years.” Jacob noted.

His tone was hopeful and apprehensive at the same time, and I completely understood his feelings around that. Even if it hadn’t sounded like he had a good relationship with his dad, I understood he still hoped to learn what had happened with him. Get some closer in some way, shape, or form.

“Looks like it was stripped after the crash. They’d have tried to get a beacon up as soon as possible.” He added after we closed in on it.

Yeah, I thought so, too. What was weird was that he had gotten intel on the beacon only now. Why was that? Ten years… I mean, that was a long time before getting a beacon up, right? Maybe the damaged console outside the ship which seemed to hold a log could tell us more. I played it and listened to it intently.

… along with this anymore. We’ve done horrible things to the crew. The condition they’re in, they don’t understand what we’re doing to them. Distract them for two seconds and they forget what you did before the bruises show. It’s got to stop. I’m talking to the others as soon as-

The log was damaged and in poor quality, but I heard what it said. And this didn’t sound promising at all. This had to be someone in charge admitting to doing something to the crew. Bruises? Punishments? Beatings? Why did the crew forget about it? This just got a lot more uncomfortable than I hoped it would become. Exactly what would we find here?

Looking to my right was the beacon that had drawn our attention. It kept repeating a toxicology alert and an override for the beacon itself. I went up to it. While this also seemed to be damaged, it certainly seemed well enough to be able to tell us something about what was going on.

“From the look of it, this beacon’s been here a while. Why would they wait years to signal?” I wondered out loud.

Pause in beacon protocol, eight years, 237 days, seven hours. Pause is recorded as: RECORD DELETED by Acting Captain Ronald Taylor.

“That’s not right. My father was first officer.” Jacob interjected.

Ronald Taylor was promoted under emergency command protocols. Other flagged issues: Unsafe deceleration. Local food and neural decay. Beacon activation protocols.

It sounded like we could learn the basics of what had happened from this beacon, and that meant it was time to question it. “Who’s in commend of this ship? Where are the survivors?”

Captain Harris Fairchild reported killed following unscheduled suborbital descent. First Officer Ronald Taylor promoted in field to acting captain.

“But where is he now?” Jacob asked.

The location of the remaining crew of the Hugo Gernsback is unknown. This beacon has been unattended for several maintenance cycles.

“I assume ‘unsafe deceleration’ refers to the crash? Give me the details.” I told the VI.

Following an unspecified impact and sublight drive failure, the Hugo Gernsback made an unscheduled descent at 465% of theoretical recommended sub-orbital velocity. The Hugo Gernsback then decelerated at 782% of theoretical recommended approach velocity, sustaining significant damage to investment and crew.

A proper crash, by the sound of it. Newton’s first law and all that. Shit. No wonder few had survived that. Though it sounded like Jacob’s dad had survived the initial crash. Was he alive now?

This toxicology report and the local food being an issue caught my attention, too. This sounded like the catch to this paradise. We needed that answered if only so we could know if there was any hope of finding anyone alive at all.

“Local food impairs brain functions? What are the effects?” I asked.

Impairment of mental function due to chemical imbalance begins within seven days of ingesting local flora, regardless of decontamination or preparation. Impact on higher cognitive abilities and long-term memory is cumulative, but significant within a standard month. It is not known if neural decay is permanent. Data collection was not completed.

Oh crap. That was serious. That sounded like people would kinda revert back to a child-like state by just eating the food around here. They would’ve had supplies on the ship, though probably not enough for all this time. It didn’t sound deadly, though. That meant there could be survivors here still.

But all right. We knew about that. The most important question would be why no one had asked for help before now. I decided to ask about that next.

“Why wasn’t the beacon activated before now?” I wondered.

This emergency beacon became functional after 358 days, 12 hours, following the unscheduled suborbital descent of the Hugo Gernsback. Activation was triggered remotely after eight years, 237 days, seven hours, on the authority of acting captain Ronald Taylor. Pause in beacon protocol is recorded as: RECORD DELETED.

It sounded like the beacon was damaged, but had been fixed within one Earth year. Then it just hadn’t been activated before now. Why? What the fuck was going on here? The VI didn’t look like it had more answers, so checking out the ship was next on our agenda.

“Come on. Let’s search the ship.” I decided.

“My father had the beacon for almost nine years. Maybe… that neural decay affected him.” Jacob suggested somberly.

“It must have, after so long.” Garrus agreed softly.

Yeah, but… let’s say it had affected him. Would he be mentally capable of activating a beacon if that was the case? I had no idea or theory about what had happened, but a nagging feeling told me that the truth would be an uncomfortable one. It spread in my stomach, but I decided to keep silent and not offer up any ideas. Whatever we were going to find wouldn’t be good, anyway. That much was clear.

We headed into the ship. While there wasn’t a lot in here and the space was small, we found three crew logs. That could be valuable information. If nothing else, it could give us some insight to what had happened. So I played them one by one.

… crash you can’t expect the luxury of due process, but this isn’t a military ship. Just bumping the command line up a notch doesn’t work. Captain Fairchild knew this crew. His replacement doesn’t command the same level of respect. I’m hoping the man has it in him, but I doubt-

It sounded like people didn’t have too much faith in Jacob’s dad. That would frustrate anyone. I wondered why that was, though. Had he acted in a certain way that made everyone else doubt he could fix this mess? I guess holding off on activating the beacon for almost nine years would be a clear indicator of not being able to keep it together. Neural decay, though? I wasn’t too sure.

What… what was her name? Sarah. S-Suzanne. My god, I can’t remember… I can’t remember her face! We need to get out… so I can remember, can think straight. They have to hurry.

This was a woman talking and it was just sad to listen to. Was this the neural decay we were listening to? Memory loss? Poor woman. I wondered if she was alive. If she was, I sincerely hoped we would be able to help her get better. The VI unfortunately didn’t know if she would get better. Here’s to hoping and crossing our fingers, then.

… always said no. She even threatened a report if I didn’t stop sending messages. But now she’s so innocent. They all are. And that look she gives me when she smiles… it’s sure easier now. What’s the harm? We’re stuck here any-

I groaned out loud and shook my head as the chill worked its way down my spine. What the hell was this? Taking advantage of the crew because of their neural decay? Having sex with someone who clearly wasn’t in the correct state to consent? I hoped this asshole got what was coming to him. His balls cut off sounded like the proper response to taking advantage of someone not in their right mind. Jacob and Garrus seemed to agree with me. Disgust were on both of their faces and they both shuddered with me as they listened to it.

This didn’t tell us a lot. If anything, it told a story of people being scared as their brains shut down, it told a potential story of a man who couldn’t handle the burden of command, and it told a story of sexual abuse. It just seemed to leave one question in my mind as we exited the ship and went further along: What the hell had happened here?

We came to a more open area on the beach that had some of the crates dragged out from the ship. She tried very well to hide herself, but I saw the woman peeking her head from behind one of them. I offered up a gentle smile to her. Maybe seeing a woman and a turian man would make it easier for her to come to us. It seemed like it was.

She came over to me and looked either stressed or excited, I wasn’t too sure which it was. Colonial clothes were on her body, sand in color. She had dark hair that looked like it needed to be cut. I didn’t judge. The poor woman had been trapped here for around ten years.

“You came? From the sky? The leader said someone would come! He delayed for so long, but he still has power! Some have lost faith. The hunters! They will have seen your star. They will not let you help him.” She told me erratically.

“You’re not making sense. Slow down a little.” I told her gently.

She took a deep breath and slowed down. “I-I, uh… I don’t remember how to say it. He’s our leader, and we serve so… we can go home. But some want to fight him. They were… they were cast out.”

Behind her were someone trying to make their way into cover. Around five men. M-3 in their hands. I listened to her but kept my eyes at these men to see what they would do.

“He exiled them, so they hunt his machines and those who help him. They don’t believe that rescue will come.” She finished explaining.

Just then, the men started to aim their gun to shoot this poor woman. I reacted in time and pushed her to the ground behind one of the crates with a ‘watch out’ coming from my mouth. It made Jacob and Garrus ready themselves as their shields took the few weak shots these men offered up.

“Hunters! They won’t stop until the leader is dead!” The woman exclaimed before she balled up to hide.

“Kill them! Agents of the liar! He will not escape!” One of the men said.

They went down very easily. They had no armor on, just colonial clothing, and they used shitty M-3 heavy pistols. It was too bad, because saving them would’ve maybe helped them out. No one knew for sure, of course. But it was a hope that was sad to leave behind.

What intrigued me a lot was that all of these people that had attacked us were men. From the way they had talked, it was clear that they were affected by that same neural decay as the woman was, but it seemed to change them in a different way. They seemed more aggressive. The image of the caveman came to mind. Was it right, though? I wasn’t too sure. I didn’t even know if that observation was important. I noted it internally, but let it go.

“My father wouldn’t let this go on. Something is very wrong.” Jacob noted.

He sounded weird and I could understand why. They all talked about their leader being a liar and taking time getting help. Their leader – as far as we knew, of course – was his dad. An uncomfortable situation, to say the least.

We went forward along the beach until we noticed a mech on the ground. A torn one that had been stripped for parts. It looked old, like the tech was starting to go. This told us that there were some sort of defenses around here in the form of mechs. I hoped they all were as dated as this one was, if that was the case. I also hoped we wouldn’t meet too many of them.

Following the beach led us to a settlement and Jacob gave his two cents as we came upon it. “Is that a settlement? They’d better be friendlier than the beach group. I need answers.”

If these were abused people, I needed him calm, not angry at them. “You’ll get answers, Jacob. Take it easy, for now.”

Garrus and I took point this time. We reached the settlement with weapons readied, but these people were completely docile. Calm. Eyeing us curiously, even. I holstered my weapon and he did the same to show that we weren’t there to harm them. After that, I noticed a big clue I wondered had some truth to it.

“Huh. They’re from the same group as the ones that attacked us, but these are docile.” Garrus noted next to me.

Sexism didn’t really exist within turian culture. While there were assholes in every species out there, turians saw you as an individual and not as what kind of gender you were. Female and male turians had the same rights in the Hierarchy, the same opportunities, the same types of job, there were no separation. Maybe that’s why he didn’t notice what I did right away.

These were all women. I didn’t see a single man in this group. Why was that?

“I don’t think that’s the case.” I disagreed.

“Why not?” He asked me curiously.

“These are all women. The ones that attacked us were all men. Don’t you find that a little suspicious? Maybe this neural decay affects genders differently.” I suggested while looking at him.

“Possibly. But the female on the beach said the exiled ones came back as hunters.” He offered up back to me.

Yeah, but exiled from this camp, or from somewhere else, though? That was the interesting question here. Actually, I wasn’t too sure if it mattered to what we were doing here. It was an interesting observation, not really anything more than that. The women were walking over towards us now, properly intrigued. They felt like children. Curious. Intrigued. I offered up warm smiles to them all. As I was about to introduce myself, Jacob had reached us.

“It doesn’t matter right now. One of these people must know what my father had to do with this!” He desperately said.

“You have his face! He promised to call the sky, but he sends nothing.” One woman said in fear after seeing Jacob.

“He forced us to eat, to… decay. You are cursed with his face!” Another one said with the same fear.

The fear was difficult to listen to. The hopelessness was heartbreaking. What they were suggesting was downright spine-chilling. They recognized Jacob because he looked like his dad. And from what they said, they didn’t have any good experiences with his dad.

“That’s not the best reaction to the family resemblance, Jacob.” I noted to him, not too sure of what to say.

“Why would my father force his crew to eat toxic food? Whatever’s happening here needs to stop.” He answered sternly.

I nodded and we walked around the camp. I tried to engage with the women, but they were reluctant to do so. I understood why as soon as a few sentences left their mouths. They talked about Jacob having a cursed face over and over again. They also talked about being told to please his father whenever he wanted to. They also said that they would get beaten if they told about what was happening to them.

This hit a little close to home for me and my past experiences before the Alliance. My heart ached for them and I hoped we could do something for them to help them get better. I wanted to hug them all and tell them that they were safe now, but I didn’t want to force my support on them. They stayed away and kept to themselves while eyeing us with suspicion. We needed to deal with all the threats before we could really help these people out.

“What the hell? Somebody had to push them to make that. That’s borderline… worship?” Jacob offered up confused.

I looked at what he was looking at. It was a very primitive-looking kind of statue that resembled a stick-figure type of person. This wasn’t just borderline worship. This was downright fucked up, and it looked more and more like this was his dad’s doing. Horrible to think about, but all the signs were there, weren’t they?

This camp didn’t really have anymore answers, so we continued along a path going up. What met us on this path were LOKI mechs. No warning. They just started to shoot us right away. They died quickly enough with a couple of shots in the head which sent all of them exploding in unison.

“His mechs shoot without question? Not exactly a long-term discipline solution.” Garrus the turian soldier noted.

“Well that would make them hate him. But maybe it was just for defense.” Jacob countered.

LOKI mechs usually gave explanations to why they were attacking when they did. Like automated responses. Unfortunately I didn’t hear what they said this time, so we would never know why they attacked on sight.

A woman from this camp came right to us just as the mechs had died and shoved a datapad into Jacob’s hand. She was in the same colonial clothing. Her interest was completely on Jacob as she spoke.

“You… have his face… but you fight his… machines. You might stop this. This… I forget how to… read, but this… was the start. What he promised, and what they did to us. We need the sky. Take us back to the sky.” She said and then she left.

It was so difficult to listen to these people talk. It was like they were struggling to remember what simple words for different things were anymore. But what she handed Jacob was good information. This would hopefully explain what had happened here and give us a better view of the situation. Jacob read the datapad and spent some time doing so while we waited patiently. He looked uncomfortable.

“What does it say?” I asked after some time.

“It’s a crew logbook. Some of them thought the beacon repair was taking too long. They were afraid they’d run out of supplies and lose their minds to the decay.” Jacob started.

I could tell reading this was difficult for him. It only told me that there was nothing but bad news here. It also hinted at the fact that these bad news had nothing to do with Jacob’s father being alive or not, rather what he had done here.

“My father restricted the ship food for himself and the other officers so they wouldn’t be affected. Everybody else had to eat the toxic food and hope for treatment later.” He continued.

While that was a harsh and ruthless decision… I probably would have done the same. Depending on who was in my team, of course. Stranded on a hostile planet after a crash, one would need someone to keep the order going.

“The rest is a casualty list. A few mutinied over the decision. My father and the officers turned the mechs on them.” He ended.

“He wasn’t command material, and it got to him. He couldn’t keep the crew in line without violence.” I said, summing up my thoughts about what had happened.

“It didn’t stop there. More incidents, harsh punishments. It’s like they’re cattle. Or toys. In a year, all the male crew members are flagged as ‘exiled’ or dead. They separated out the women. Assigned them to officers like pets.” Jacob said in disgust.

I shuddered and felt myself getting very angry. The women weren’t there by accident at all. They were there because the men had to disappear for them to be available to the officers that were completely sane. This was sexual abuse. No way around that one. That was unforgiveable. Knowingly poisoning them with food and abusing them afterwards.

And then punish them if they didn’t do what they wanted them to do. I had no words in the moment. I don’t think any of us had. Everyone of us had disgusted and sad looks on our faces. Jacob the most. This was his dad, so I completely understood why he felt that way.

“And after the beacon is fixed, the officers appear in the casualties, too. After! My father took control and didn’t stop it.” He ended.

“Anything in there about whether the effects of the toxic food can be treated?” I asked, trying to focus my mind on the here and now.

“Nothing. But it seems like the right call. If everyone gets it, who’s left to fix the beacon? You’d never get out. But they did fix it. And the signal wasn’t sent until now. I’m starting to see why.” He answered and looked to me for my thoughts.

“I agree with you. Does it say why he separated the men and women? Or is it as bad as it seems?” I wondered more seriously.

“No, it turns to gibberish. Maybe the men got violent early on, but from the state of this place, I’d say the hunter thing is recent. What he allowed here, Shepard… I don’t see any justification.” He told me and I nodded my agreement to him.

“Does it say anything more about the officers. He killed them?” I asked.

“There were five after the crash: medical, engineering, bridge staff. Should’ve had no problem fixing the beacon and keeping people safe. All killed within the same week – about a month after the beacon was repaired.” Jacob said after reading from the data pad.

An uncomfortable question entered my mind, and I decided to ask. “Do you see an explanation for this? He’s your father.”

Jacob eyed me angrily. “Is he? None of this fits. Maybe the initial decision, but the rest? Abuse of power doesn’t get any clearer than this. I need to find this man.”

Determination swept over his eyes and I knew we were done talking right now. It was time to find his dad. The first thing in our way was rubble we couldn’t go around. It had been placed there as a barricade. Luckily a mech helped us out with that. We rigged it as an explosive and it blasted the path away for us right away.

“This is Captain Ronald Taylor. Thank god you’re here! My crew went insane. I only just got free!” A voice said over what sounded like an intercom.

“Goddamn it. It’s really him. Just got free? He’s covering his ass.” Jacob noted.

Yeah, he was right. This asshole was trying to hide what he did. Too bad for him that we were a thorough bunch and had learned everything we needed to know that he was just covering his ass, like Jacob said.

A pile of corpses met us. This pile had a mixture between very old bones and newer bodies here. The older ones looked weird. The newer ones looked like they had just dropped where they died.

“The old corpse was posed, like a warning. The new ones were left where they fell.” Garrus noted after he looked at it.

“The hunters started fighting back.” Jacob noted.

Up the path was what looked like some sort of base camp. This led to a bigger fight with a lot of mechs. Just LOKI mechs, fortunately. Just a pop in the head and they went down for the count after that. No big deal at all. But it was annoying. The explanation for what was happening came during the middle of our haul to kill these mechs.

“Careful. I automated my defenses after the crew turned violent. They keep attacking! I had no choice.” Ronald explained.

“He had plenty of choices. Little late to blame his victims.” Jacob noted.

Again, I didn’t feel the need to say anything at all. Jacob was understandably angry and hurt, and the comments he was making reflected my own thoughts perfectly. This man had dug his own grave by the way he had run things and now that things were getting complicated, he wanted out. He shit the bed. We were gonna make sure he would sleep in it.

As the mechs right here were dealt with, we made our way further up the path to a second base camp looking area. More mechs met us along the way, and wow. This dude had a lot of mechs. I had seen enough LOKI mechs to last me a lifetime. I wouldn’t cry if I ever saw those again, but knowing my luck, I knew that wouldn’t happen.

“I had to keep them busy, distracted, but it’s getting dangerous. Thank god you’ve come!” Ronald said relieved.

“He had his fun, and now he wants out. Son of a bitch.” Jacob answered.

The mechs were still easy to deal with. They kept muttering their warnings and then they kept dying. I almost felt a little bad for the carnage they were put through, but we had to do it to get to Ronald. As they died and we got to the second base camp, we got some interesting news.

“It took years to train my guards. I’m afraid you’ll have to fight them to rescue me.” Ronald told us.

“Throwing people away. This… thing… is not my father.” Jacob muttered angrily.

Wow. This man was just so incredibly cold. Mechs came, because of course they did. This man was swimming in mechs. Men also met us. Actual people. For once it felt like we were doing something wrong by putting them down. They were hostile, but they had been brainwashed by Ronald. I bet the neural degeneration didn’t help either. We went the least painful route and gave them all a clean headshot each to take them out.

Then the YMIR mech came and that was just what we needed to make this more fun. Garrus’ second overload took away its shields. Jacob kept peppering into it to add to the damage. Luckily he had added some incendiary ammo to make this quicker. A big incinerate took care of the armor, and a final headshot from Garrus took it completely down. Clean and surgical.

“Enough with the toys. I need to look my father in the eye and hear him justify this.” Jacob snarled.

I had the same idea myself. We passed through the camp and at a base of his own, surrounded by supplies to last him a lifetime was Ronald Taylor. Jacob actually looked a lot like him, and I felt sorry for him because of that. He didn’t deserve to resemble this man at all. Ronald was in colonial clothes himself. A red one. Silver cluttered his beard and hair, and he looked way too happy to see us.

“You’re here! I knew a real squad would blow through just fine. Sorry if the mechs scuffed your pads.” He greeted to me.

Yeah, I guess I was the one in charge, but I was in no mood to talk to this fool. I walked past him while eyeing him sternly and ended up leaning on a railing that overlooked the gorgeous view this place had. I didn’t say a word. And he found that to be uncomfortable.

“I’ll get you something nice when we get back to Alliance space. I’ve got to have some back-pay coming.” He added, trying to calm me down with material promises I didn’t want.

“What about your crew, Acting Captain?” Jacob spat.

“Total loss. The toxic food turned them wild. They propped me up here in some kind of ritual behavior. Waiting for a chance to signal has been hell.” Ronald answered and lied.

“That’s the best you can do?” Jacob asked him.

“You let all your people talk back like that… uh… who are you exactly?” Ronald asked me dumbfounded.

What shocked me, was that he didn’t recognize his own son. I found that to be both infuriating and sad at the same time. Did he also really have the guts to challenge me on how to treat the people in my own squad? Did he want a contest to see which person in charge could do a better job? I bet I would win.

But I was here for Jacob. I got off from the railing and turned around to talk to this poor excuse of a man. I had to keep it simple, just because I really wanted to let the cranial trauma mod do its job to his head right now. After a deep breath in and out, I looked at him and was ready to tell him who the fuck he was talking to.

“I’m Commander Shepard of the Normandy. I believe you already know Jacob Taylor.” I told him.

“Jacob? No, not Jacob.” Ronald exclaimed in either disappointment or shock as he looked more closely at his son.

“Why not me? Would ten years of this look better to anyone else in the galaxy?” Jacob challenged.

“You have to understand. This isn’t me. The realities of command, they change you. I wasn’t ready for that. I made sure you were taught right. Before I left. I had hoped to leave it at that.” He answered.

What a fucking asshole. This isn’t me, my ass. But I decided to keep calm and ask what the hell had happened.

“I’m not unreasonable, but ten years? What the hell happened?” I demanded.

“Goddamn it, why did you do this to your crew?” Jacob added.

“There was resistance to the plan. Mutiny. We had to take a hard line to keep order. And things settled down. As the decay set in, we made sure the crew were comfortable. Some even seemed happier. Ignorance is bliss, right? And they were grateful for guidance, like an instinct. Pure authority was… easy. At first.” Ronald started to explain.

I looked towards where we came from and saw a man enter the area. I wasn’t sure if he was one of the hunters or if he was someone else. For now, he seemed docile. Since I had questions of my own, I signaled Garrus to watch the situation for me. He did, and ended up standing guard calmly and monitoring the situation to see what would happen.

“Months in, the effect lowered inhibitions. They got territorial. Rank, protocol – they couldn’t understand. We had to establish dominance. After a while the perks seemed… normal.” Ronald continued.

“That’s it? You created a harem and played king? Ten years in a juvenile fantasy?” Jacob demanded.

“I can’t point to where it all went wrong. But when the beacon was ready, revealing what happened didn’t seem like a good idea.” Ronald answered.

Yeah, no shit. I was sure ‘hey, I sexually assaulted and beat my sick crew for fun’ wouldn’t be the most welcome thing to say to anyone at all. But I didn’t have the energy to dwell on this or yell at this man. I only wanted the facts and Jacob could then decide how he wanted to deal with his dad.

“What happened to the other officers?” I asked.

“Anders found his conscience a little late to step back. He had an accident. Things got… tense. End of the day, I was the one with the mechs. I got a little basic in setting examples, but I was kind to my people once things settled down. Seemed like I’d earned some peace.” He answered me.

“You fought over people like they were toys. Things.” Jacob noted sourly.

Ronald could twist and turn this in any way he wanted to, but it wouldn’t really make things better. He murdered his officers so he could have full control of the harem he created. That was exactly what had happened. Did he really expect this to last forever?

“The stores from the ship couldn’t last forever. You had to know this would end one day.” I pointed out.

“Dining for one can really stretch things out. Besides, I can think of a lot worse retirement plans than stripping down and joining the droolers. That was before the hunters, of course. Dumb or not, I’d feel it if they got their hands on me now. They want blood. I’d prefer to keep it.” He said with a nonchalant shrug.

“It’s all about you. Everything.” Jacob added.

This man was disgusting. They weren’t even people to him anymore. These people were sick. This was his fault. He could’ve ended this so long ago! And what about Jacob? Didn’t he care for his son? If not, what about the other people’s families that were here? Why did I even bother to wonder about that? Of course he didn’t care. I was talking to a monster without any conscience at all. But I still had to ask.

“You didn’t feel any responsibility to get out of here for the sake of family?” I wondered.

“I gave him a good start. He was a smart kid and was better off not following me. We figured that out a long time before I took jobs in deep space. And, after things escalated here, it seemed best to just disappear off the galactic map.” Ronald answered.

“Until you needed someone to save your ass.” Jacob spat out.

“What triggered the men to change and threaten you?” I asked.

“This planet has some strange cycles to it. I’ve seen some plants around I never saw before, odd weather. Maybe some just adapted a little too well.” He shrugged out like it was nothing at all.

“And if you treat them like animals – big shock – they become animals?” Jacob pointed out.

I turned to Jacob. “We can help these people. Alliance can have ships here in days and pull everyone out.”

Jacob managed to acknowledge my words but then pulled a gun to his dad. “He’s not worth the fuel to haul him out, or the air he’s breathing. He’s damned lucky I don’t even think he’s worth pulling the trigger. I don’t know who you are. Because you’re not any father I remember.”

Yeah, what exactly did we want to do with Ronald Taylor? Leave him here? Tempting, but he would get killed. I didn’t think that was a long enough time to suffer for his mistake. Leave him here with one bullet? Also tempting, but again, I didn’t think that was a good enough punishment.

I wanted the galaxy to know what he had done. I needed him to get blamed, go to jail, and rot for the rest of his life. Everyone would know what kind of a monster he was. Yes, this wasn’t really my decision, but I think Jacob would agree with me when I made it.

“We’ll secure him for an Alliance court. For every year here, he’ll have ten to think about it.” I decided.

“Give him all the time in the galaxy. The man who did this doesn’t know right from wrong.” Jacob agreed.

“I’m sorry, Jacob. I did the best I could.” Ronald lied like the asshole he was.

“I’m ten years past believing that.” Jacob answered him.

We secured Ronald in a safe space so he couldn’t be hurt by the other people that were here. Not for his safety, of course. Not really. It was just so there would be no easy escape for him, and no easy way for the sick people here to get to him as they waited for an Alliance pickup. I sincerely hoped there was a way to help the people here. I really did. Give them some resemblance of themselves back. We would only wait and see, I supposed, and I hoped the update would come soon.

This had been a depressing thing to witness on so many levels. I felt so bad for these poor people that it wasn’t even fun. Abused, broken and sick. But as I showered and changed to a pair of jeans and my hoodie, I had to shrug it off and let it go. We had helped these people and removed the monster that did this to them for good.

I wanted to see how Jacob was and EDI told me he was in the comm room. As I stood in the elevator, Joker decided to ping me.

“Alliance ships are inbound to secure Captain Taylor and his crew, Shepard. We’ll be long gone by the time they get here.” He informed.

“Don’t even give them the taillights. Zorya next.” I answered with a smile.

When I opened the comm room, I was surprised to see that Jacob was in a meeting with the Illusive Man. While this would technically be intruding on a private conversation, Jacob actually seemed to want me there with him to talk to him.

“What do you mean it wasn’t you?” He asked.

“Jacob, if I had leaked the information about the Gernsback, I would be smiling at your resolution of the situation. I am not smiling.” The Illusive Man answered confused.

“But nothing goes through this ship – my ship, that is – without a report to you.” I pointed out to him.

“I had no more reason to believe Jacob’s father was alive than he did. But I’m happy to know the situation is behind you.” He answered the both of us.

“Fine. You didn’t forward it. So who did?” Jacob wondered curiously.

“I did.”

We turned around and saw that none other than Miranda had entered the comm room, too. I should’ve known this myself. They had history. Of course she would take care of him and forward this if she noticed it happening.

“Ooh, the plot thickens. That makes sense, though. Who else could get into Cerberus channels?” I noted with a smile.

“It was hardly classified. Just obscure. There was a time when it mattered to you. Sending this along seemed like keeping an old promise. I keep my promises.” Miranda told Jacob in a surprisingly loving tone.

The Illusive Man didn’t look too happy, though. “Miranda, we’ll discuss your liberal interpretation of security protocol in private. Shepard. Jacob.”

The comm link was dropped after that and Miranda also left the room. Only Jacob and I in here now and he looked… not good. I understood. That was difficult. Who would want to believe that their own father would be capable of something like that?

“You all right?” I asked carefully.

“It’s all bull, Shepard. Captain Taylor can rot in prison – it doesn’t change who I am or what I know. I’ve already mourned the man he used to be. I guess he was a good enough father that even he can’t screw up what he taught me.” He answered after a sigh.

I felt for him. I really did. But there was no point in digging further into this. Miranda being his informant brought a smile to my face, though. I just had to ask.

“You really had no idea Miranda was behind this?” I wondered.

“No. She’s got a good memory. Selective, but good. I haven’t thought about those days in a long time. Can’t figure which promise she meant, though. Not sure I really want to know. She… requires a better man than I.” He answered a little sheepishly.

“So there was history between the two of you. I figured it was.” I teased with a smile.

“Why are you curious about that?” He asked me.

“Hey, I’m known for being a curious bastard. Get used to it. Figured it out after Wilson suggested she was the traitor. You defended her real quick. Passionately, even. Just wanted to know.” I innocently answered.

“Well, it’s ancient history. Nothing to bring up.” He answered sternly.

“All right. Noted.” I answered after laughing and started to leave the room.

“Shepard? Thank you for the help.” Jacob thanked me.

I turned around to face him with a gentle smile on my face. “No problem, Jacob.”

Chapter Text

I actually looked forward to what we would be doing today. Help out refinery workers being hounded by the Blue Suns. That seemed like a good idea to me right away. Straight-forward and to the point, and not any convoluted family business attached to it. What had surprised me was that this mission came from Zaeed. He seemed more like a straight up bounty hunter, than the save innocent people type of man. But I guess he was open for work and if it paid well, then it would be worth it.

That’s why this contract seemed so out of place for him. Not that I complained. This felt like it would be a breath of fresh air from the serious mission we helped Jacob with. Just point and shoot some mercs. Kill what’s there and go home with a smile on our faces. Nothing to complicate anything. This was right up Archangel’s path. I had to admit that this was right up mine, too.

I was so used to the shuttle-rides being completely silent at this point that I didn’t even bother to try and talk with anyone. Everyone just fiddled with their omni-tools and waited patiently to arrive on Zorya. While I had grown accustomed to it by now, I still hated it with every single fiber of my being. I viewed myself as a social person. I liked to talk to people.

Wasn’t sure what I would talk to Zaeed about, though. Didn’t really know what we had in common. He liked it when I acted ruthless and bloodthirsty. Like when I sniper rifled Garm in the face. I wasn’t that big on being ruthless, unless I wanted to be. Risky? Sure. Downright mean for the sake of being mean? Nah, but I guess I was very much able to be for Garrus.

Looking at the man, he was deep in his omni-tool himself. Not sure what he was doing. It looked like he was messaging someone. I was curious, but decided to stay out of it. What was the point in asking? I knew he wouldn’t tell me now. If I asked and he said he would tell me later, then he would just end up not telling me at all. This was making me sad, so I ignored it and focused my attention back to the mission.

As the shuttle dropped us off, we dropped off on Zorya. This looked to be yet another tropical looking planet. It was green and lush. Another paradise, if not for the Blue Suns. I could spy what looked to be a huge building in the distance, and I knew we had found the refinery. This was where we needed to go. Where people were being kept as slaves for the Blue Suns.

“Tapping into Blue Suns communications. Stay tight, and look out for ambushes.” Zaeed informed after fiddling with his omni-tool.

That was… impressive. I didn’t know why I never expected him to be able to do that so effortlessly. He was a merc. A bounty hunter. He was versatile and had lived long enough to have a good amount of experience under his belt. How old was Zaeed? He was an older dude, that much was true. Around late 60s maybe? He could still kick ass, so no worries about him kicking the bucket anytime soon.

“Squad Bravo, a shuttle landed near your location. Check it out.” We heard through the comms.

“Here we go. Keep close.” Zaeed informed.

We went forward. We had landed a little too far away from the refinery itself to be able to quickly walk up to it. It would take some time to get to where we needed to go and that was fine, for once. I didn’t feel like stressing around with killing mercs. They would die anyway. Weapons ready on all of us, just to be on the safe side, of course.

What surprised me was the sheer amount of pyjaks around. Space-monkeys. We needed to make sure they didn’t steal our thermal clips. They were harmless to anyone, though they could be kleptomaniac little bastards from time to time. I hadn’t seen one since we were on the original Normandy. One had stolen an important data disc we needed to find before the geth did. Luckily we managed to do it in time by searching each and everyone of the little bastards.

Along the path were a pile of bodies. Looked to be people just unceremoniously shot and left to die out in the open. Cold way to kill someone.

“Shot in the back and left to rot. That’s definitely Vido’s style. Let’s push ahead.” Zaeed informed.

I caught myself almost defending this man, just because I had forgotten his name, and his name was so incredibly close to Vito. It was eerie to think that Vito would just shoot people like this, just because I knew that he never would. That’s why it caught me off guard. But it wasn’t Vito. My brain just farted for a second. It made me smile a little to myself as he popped into my mind, though.

Aeia had been a tropical beach kind of place. This tropical place was more akin to a forest. Luckily it wasn’t too tightly packed with trees around. One could walk easily forward, and that had to amount to this being a regular path. The comm chatter Zaeed had set up continued to feed us information, always letting us know what these assholes were going to do.

“Command to Bravo. Take a position. Likely these people are not runaways.”

Mhm. I would think the same if I saw three heavily armed people walk up a path towards wherever I was holed up, too. I suddenly realized that we were all snipers. We could be the sniper-trifecta out to kick some merc butt and save some people from being worked as slaves. I tried to smile as I thought about that, but I wasn’t in the mood for that today.

We came upon an area that looked to be more built. Walkways were around here, meaning we were getting close to the refinery itself. This area seemed more to be a lookout post and not necessarily anything that had to do with the refinery, though.

“Report to base! Armed intruders incoming at the southern checkpoint!”

And Blue Suns did show up, which made us run into cover. Nothing special about these guys. Simple troopers that all got taken care of with a single headshot. The few ones that had shields were overridden away by Garrus before they either died by Zaeed or myself.

Zaeed also had concussive rounds and that was useful. Very useful. Along with Garrus’ use of concussive rounds, meant that mercs that were feeling the need to close in on us got floored left and right. They were easily taken care of with a single shot to the head by me.

“Reinforcements incoming. We got your backs!”

These reinforcements came from a path going up to higher ground. A small handful of mercs and a FENRIS mech. The latter got destroyed right away and I made sure it exploded right in the center of the rest of the mercs. Taking out the rest of these mercs was easy. Very easy. Just the kind of straight forward mission I wanted to do today.

“They’re getting torn to shreds out there!”

I chuckled out loud to myself as I heard that. What the hell did these mercs expect? We certainly looked dangerous enough. They had to have seen that as we landed on the planet and their eyes first met us.

These new mercs had come from the path above us, and that meant this was the way to go. The path before us was safe, just because the mercs had pulled back to safety. We were a little too tough for them to handle, and the fact that they were so flabbergasted by this fact surprised me a lot.

An unextended bridge met us. That wouldn’t be enough to keep us away, though. I started to extend it back out so we could proceed. As we waited – this thing was slow as fuck – the comms started up.

“This is Commander Santiago. If any of you retreat while the intruders are still alive, I’ll kill you myself. Now, get the hell back out there.”

Zaeed looked at me and signaled me to stop the bridge. I did, but why? This was our way forward. It wasn’t until I saw the look on Zaeed’s face that I understood he was so graciously going to add context to this mission that I previously didn’t know about. Something he had withheld from me for one reason or another. Why was it always like this?

“Vido. Sounds like he hasn’t changed.” He noted sourly and that was all I needed to know.

“Yeah. Why do I get the feeling you have a past with this guy?” I asked curiously.

“I knew he was a sadistic bastard back when we started the Blue Suns. The Suns only got meaner after he staged his little coup twenty years ago. So, yeah. We have a past.” He told me.

Zaeed was one of the founders of the Blue Suns? Even Garrus didn’t see that coming, because he tensed a little at this new information. But he didn’t say anything at all. He just looked at Zaeed and back at me from behind him. Confused. Just as confused as I was.

“Wait, what? Why didn’t anyone tell me you founded the Blue Suns?” I wondered confused.

“Because it’s not common knowledge. Vido wiped me out of the records. He ran the books, I led the men. Worked real well for a while. Then Vido decided to start hiring batarians. Cheaper labor, he said. Goddamn terrorists, I said.” Zaeed explained, still sounding as sour as he did.

There was a lot of tension between batarians and humans, so the fact that he viewed them as terrorists didn’t surprise me. Didn’t like it, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t surprised. Not all batarians were dangerous maniacs that loved slave labor. Casrak on Elysium wasn’t at all, even if he had a background as a pirate.

Vido had kicked him out. Gotten people to turn on Zaeed, I gathered. Staged a coup. That could mean a lot of things and I was curious about what had happened. It seemed so foolish to want revenge for something that happened twenty years ago. At some point you would have to move on, right? I needed more information about what had happened here.

“Twenty years is a long time to hold a grudge.” I pointed out.

He stepped forward and got in my face. Anger at what I had said. Holding my ground, I stood still and didn’t flinch a single muscle in my body. That was a big reaction from a simple observation. I was about to learn why.

“A grudge? Vido turned my men against me. He paid six of them to restrain me while he put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. For twenty years I’ve seen that bastard every time I closed my eyes. Every time I sighted down a target. Every time I heard a gunshot. Don’t you call that a goddamned ‘grudge.’” He sternly said, being at the point of yelling at me.

Oh, man. There was a lot to unpack there. I now knew we weren’t here to help these workers at all. That would only be a bi-effect of taking Vido down. Zaeed had lied to me when he told me what we were here for. Half-lied, I guess I could reason myself to believe. He probably didn’t want anyone knowing he was the founder of the Blue Suns, and I guess that made some sense.

Didn’t mean I approved of this at all. He had lied by withholding information and twisting the words of what this mission was about. I noted that he was currently using me for his own revenge. While taking out merc leaders necessarily wasn’t a bad thing in my books, he should have told me what this really was about.

But there was something else that caught my attention, too. Something a little more extraordinary than him being the founder of the Blue Suns. The heavy scar on his face made total sense now. It was actually insane to learn about this. Not that it didn’t happen from time to time, but it was so unlikely that it could only mean that Vido had taken a bad shot.

“You survived a gunshot to the head?” I asked surprised.

“Yeah. And you survived your ship getting disintegrated. A stubborn enough person can survive just about anything. Rage is a hell of an anesthetic.” He pointed out to me.

For him, maybe. For me, that wasn’t true at all. Didn’t he know that I actually died in space? I tried to struggle to live, but I knew I was dead as soon as I heard my suit leaking. Accepted it was going to happen, even. I remembered clear as day that I looked forward to hopefully see Vito again. I also remembered thinking about Garrus. It calmed me down enough so I wasn’t scared.

Deciding to let it go, I focused on the present and motioned us along. “Let’s get moving.”

I activated the bridge control again and fully extended the bridge to the other side. Well, I guess these workers would get saved by us killing Vido and the Suns, then. We followed the path forward and didn’t meet a single guard. I thought that was curious, but the comms told us why that was.

“They’re at the southern access. All squads mass at the gatehouse! Now!”

“They know we’re here.” Zaeed noted.

No shit. Of course they knew we were here. They had seen us land and they had followed our movements all the way up to what had to be the gatehouse in front of us. This refinery was big. It looked like a factory and I started to dread doing inside. Again, killing mercs wasn’t a problem for me. I just knew that the added context Zaeed had gathered would mean that this would go wrong in one way or another.

We fished out our weapons and readied them. Both of my guys were ready to move along, so I opened the door and looked around.

Above us, at a walkway and with the height advantage, stood a man in the middle with mercs to his left and right. He also looked older. Slightly darker skinned, but he looked to be Zaeed’s age. Maybe a little younger. His hair was dark black but had started to silver. He looked gruff and dangerous. Actually a little hot in the same way that some older men just were really hot.

“Zaeed Massani. You finally tracked me down.” He said.

“Vido.” Zaeed spat out and readied his assault rifle like a madman.

“Don’t be stupid, Zaeed. I have a whole company of bloodthirsty bastards behind me, ready to kill or be killed on my command. Actually, take your shot. Give my men a reason to put you down like the mad dog you are. Again.” Vido smugly said.

We had the disadvantage in this fight, but that didn’t stop Zaeed from firing shots towards Vido while running behind cover. Garrus and I watched him confused for a few seconds. What the fuck was he doing? He didn’t even hit him. He just hit the pipes behind him and they were trickling…

Oh. Shit.

“What was that? Gone nearsighted, old friend?” Vido laughed out.

“Burn, you son of a bitch.” Zaeed spat.

I pulled Garrus with me to quickly go into cover just as Zaeed took another shot. The man didn’t need to have the left side of his face burned, too. A small explosion got set off and it was enough to take care of the Blue Suns next to Vido. Vido himself had good armor and shields. While he felt it, it didn’t kill him at all. It just seemed to anger him instead.

“You just signed your death warrant, Massani!” He yelled out and ran deeper into the refinery.

Holy shit. This was dangerous. We were in a refinery, but luckily the fire wasn’t too serious right now. Smaller and it would take time for it to completely spread and engulf this building. The workers here would have time to get out still.

But Zaeed was doing something weird and I watched him intrigued as he continued to do it. He banged his assault rifle on the manual controls for a pipe. Too shocked to put two and two together in the moment, I found myself forced to ask what was going on.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked angrily from behind cover.

He didn’t answer. He seemed to be completely entranced with banging on this damned pipe with his assault rifle. Then it clicked. I even damned myself for realizing too late that those pipes contained gas. There was a fire burning in here. If he did this, then…

And he managed to do it. The gas pipes were completely opened up and that’s when it went ‘boom’ for real. Fires intensified themselves, almost at the point of engulfing us. We were safe behind cover – at least for now. But there were people who worked here that had nothing to do with the Blue Suns. They were in serious danger right now if they couldn’t get out in time. I bet quite a few of them already had died for this little endeavor.

The lunatic had the nerve to turn and look at me with a satisfied look on his face. It made me go right up to him so I could get an explanation to what was going on here.

“Opening the gate.” Zaeed answered.

“We don’t sacrifice lives for the sake of the mission. There’s always a better way.” I told him sternly.

“Like what? Wandering out in the jungle for hours, looking for another way in? You want to waste time out here, go ahead. I’m going to kill Vido.” He smugly decided.

My fists balled up and I had enough. Twisting my hips with the punch that landed on his cheek, it was a hard one and it made a sound. It didn’t hurt me, which I found to be interesting. Didn’t even need to go into Commander-mode for that punch. Think I went into street-mode, though. It just felt like the right thing to do.

Zaeed stumbled a little backwards and ended up cupping his cheek while looking at me with anger building in his eyes. I went right up to him and locked my eyes with his. This crazy asshole couldn’t be trusted to take the lead in this mission at all.

“You’re endangering lives – and the mission – for your own selfish revenge.” I growled at him.

“You really want to do this, Shepard?” He threatened back.

I grabbed his suit and pulled him close to my face. Damned if I let some crazy old man either tell me what to do, or think he could scare me into following his lead. If anyone was going to be scared, it was Zaeed for thinking he could act like a maniac without any consequences.

“Don’t think I won’t actually kick your ass, old man. I’ll do it in a heartbeat and even knock you the fuck out. But thanks to you, we have a burning refinery to save now.” I said and forcefully let him go.

“Let these people burn! Vido dies, whatever the cost!” He yelled at me.

I noticed Garrus had gotten up and closed the space between us. Backing me up in case things went wrong, was my guess. Ignoring him, and ignoring Zaeed, I looked around to see where we could go to move forward. A part of me just wanted to say fuck it and leave, but I wanted to make sure these people would be fine first.

And that wasn’t too easy when there was fire fucking everywhere. Not only was it getting hot in here, but the air was also getting more and more clogged up with smoke and gas. At the back of the building was a way out of this hell-hole. Opening a door, we were met by two mercs with shields. After killing them, we found another door that luckily took us outside.

Someone must have either been actively looking for help or just stumbled upon us by accident. I heard a man breathing heavily behind us. Either from exhaustion, being scared, or from the fumes this fire was producing – I wasn’t too sure. We locked eyes and as soon as he realized we weren’t Blue Suns, he was quick to ask for our help.

“Help! We’re trapped! We can’t get to the gas valves to shut them off! The whole place is going to blow!” He let us know.

I had already decided we needed to go help them right away. This wasn’t just a safety concern for the people working here. I also pictured this place blowing up as something that would affect all of us. Worst case, we got caught in an explosion. Damned if I would die on this planet from an explosion.

“No time. Vido’s probably halfway to the shuttle docks by now.” Zaeed let me know nonchalantly.

I turned and looked at him in a mix of shock and disgust. “You’re actually willing to watch these people die?”

“Damn right I am. We stop to help these people, and Vido gets away. And if he gets away, I’m blaming you.” He let me know.

“I seem to remember you telling me this was to save these workers in the first place. That’s what we’re here to do. So, hell no. We’re going in.” I let him know.

“I knew this was a mistake. If we’re gonna do this, we’d better get to it.” He muttered out.

He could whine all he wanted to. I really didn’t care about that right now. Had he no insight to see that this was his own fault? Deciding to ignore him for the rest of the time we spent helping these people, I looked around for another way in. This man had been above us on some kind of bridge. We wouldn’t be able to get up there.

My way in turned out to be slightly below us, and I spared no time getting us there. The door was locked. I think I hacked it in record time and prepared for the mess we were sure to find inside.

This place was dangerous and it definitely looked like it was going to blow soon. Coughing from the smoke and moving as fast as I could, I tried to find these gas valves as soon as possible. Mini-explosions went off all around me. Luckily I had shields that took those hits for me, but it was uncomfortable. At some places, the fire was just pouring out from a gas leak. With bad time on my hands, I just needed to run through it and hope for the best.

This was a big room. Dead people were around me, which was sad to see. What made it worse was that it was my own squad member who had made sure this happened. The first gas valve was fairly close to me. While it did something to calm the fire that was poring out from the pipes, it didn’t stop it entirely. I needed another one. After some parkouring with me ending up at a higher level, I found the second one and turned it off.

We weren’t completely freed from the danger yet, though. Continuing to work my way up, I saw workers trapped behind some sort of glass shutter. They pointed me upwards to the extinguishing system. They wouldn’t get let out until the fire was completely taken care of. I would make sure that happened, and I nodded to let them know that I heard them.

After weaving through the fire and flames, I finally reached this extinguishing system. As soon as I turned it on, water rained down on our heads and the fires slowly died out. Taking a second to breathe from the stress that was doing this, I opened the doors by this system and watched the people trapped here run off to safety.

While we hadn’t saved everyone due to Zaeed’s head being buried far up his own ass, this felt a lot better than just letting them die. And since we’ve saved the situation in the best way possible, we could now do our best to catch up with Vido.

We were standing on the same raised walkway that the worker had been on, so we hopped down and made our way to were we originally were going to go. After opening the room and gunning down the two Blue Suns that were here, we realized that we needed to go into another room. Weapons ready we went through and were immediately assaulted with Blue Suns.

“First person to bring me Massani’s head gets something special in their paycheck!”

That was Vido and I realized we were either still patched into the comms or he was speaking over a loudspeaker. The Blue Suns quickly overran this room. Luckily we had good cover to hide behind while I internally cursed Zaeed for thinking coming here was a good idea. While I understood why he wanted this revenge as badly as he did, this was insane. Insane on a completely new level, actually.

Didn’t really help the mercs, though. They died quickly and I had to resort to my cloak to make it happen efficiently. It helped me move around and take care of the mercs that were in here and well hidden behind cover. What really didn’t help, was the fact that Vido thought it would be a good idea to taunt Zaeed over what I now realized was a loudspeaker. Either that, or he knew we were listening in on their comms.

“You brought Shepard with you, and you still don’t have a chance! I took your Blue Suns. I took your life. And now I’m taking it again. Take a knee now, Zaeed, and maybe I’ll forget this ever happened! Did you forget who you were dealing with? Get ready, Zaeed! Here it comes!”

As much as I thought revenge for the sake of revenge was a bad thing, I understood why Zaeed wanted it against this asshole. He had ruined Zaeed’s professional life and he had almost killed him. I had nothing to do with him and even I thought his death sounded like a good idea right now. Not only was he ruthless and cold, but he also looked at himself as a smug asshole that rubbed his upper hand into other’s faces. I wouldn’t cry if he died. I really wouldn’t.

What this maniac also did, was set two fuel canisters above us ablaze. They were running on tracks in the ceiling and suddenly made this a lot more dangerous than it had been at first. It would be a matter of time before it reached us.

Trusting my shields to keep me safe, I got up and tossed a high explosive grenade towards them both. I manually detonated them right away and watched as the canisters fell and exploded on ground-level, taking quite a few mercs out with it. Okay. That felt good.

And like it was destiny, a YMIR mech entered the field. Great. Just what we needed right now.

Garrus quickly took care of its shields by overloading them like the good man he was. After they were dealt with, it really was just a matter of peppering it with shots until it died. I helped with the armor by setting the thing on fire. A couple of shots later, and it was down for the count and taken care of fore good. We carefully looked around for stragglers, but it actually seemed like Vido’s arsenal had been dealt with properly.

We needed to head off to the far side of this room and Zaeed was more than ready to do just that. He took point and almost ran towards it with Garrus and I hot on his heels. For how silent Garrus had been during this mission, he really had been solid here. Having my back in case Zaeed flew off the wall, not letting his personal feelings towards mercs get in the way, and generally being someone I could trust to do his job well without me telling him what to do.

We opened the door and what Zaeed really didn’t want to see unfolded right in front of him. Vido managed to escape in a small fighter ship. I think he even muttered out some last taunts as he managed to escape. Fuck. That sucked, but the people here were safe and the Blue Suns were gone. That had to count for something.

But it didn’t. This sent Zaeed into a small rage. He screamed at the ship and fired his assault rifle at it like a child in a big temper tantrum.

While I understood, I ignored his childish behavior and decided this was the time to get to work on my speed-hacking. I hacked the ship, got a hold of his omni-tool and planted a bug in it. This bug made sure that it would feed its location to me whenever I pinged it. It would also be unnoticeable for Vido, unless he was some sort of hacker god. I didn’t think he was.

As soon as I was done, Zaeed’s M-15 clicked. It took a while before he noticed it, too – that’s how deep in anger he was. After he popped the heatsink for it, the bastard pointed it at me. It made Garrus take aim at Zaeed while I just stood there and watched him calmly to hear what he had to say.

“You just cost me twenty years of my life!” Zaeed screamed at me in a rage.

An explosion answered the question for me, and it happened right behind Zaeed. Garrus and I saw it, and we quickly backed away from the flying rubble that flew into the air. Zaeed was so angry that he didn’t see it in time. That meant that he stumbled, fell to his ass, and got buried by heavy rubble on top of his right leg.

“Son of a bitch! Argh!” He groaned out in pain.

“You all right?” I asked as I walked over to him and squatted in front of him.

“The hell do you care? I’m fine. Now come on. Get me out of this shithole.” He spat back to me.

That wasn’t how this worked. We were done playing games now. He had just shown me that he was selfish and would put his own goals ahead of what he was paid to do. Setting fire to a fucking refinery? How crazy could one man be? A part of me wanted him to rot for that. Let him die here with the people that had died in the explosion he set off himself. It sounded just like the type of karma he deserved.

But on the other hand, I understood why he felt so strongly about this as he did. Vido had turned his men against him by paying them. Vido hadn’t just taken his job by force. Oh no. He also had the nerve to shoot Zaeed in the head for the heck of it. With that also said, a part of me still liked him. If I could draw anything from this, then I guess he was passionate. I needed to see if he would be able to work with me.

“Mhm. I’m not so sure I need a man like you on my ship, old man.” I told him seriously.

“If you didn’t need me, Cerberus wouldn’t have paid my fee. I’ll do what I was paid to do. Nothing more, nothing less. Now stop screwing around! Let’s go.” He answered sourly.

“Yeah, just like the good little merc you are, huh? You do realize this is a team effort, right? This mission we’re on is a lot bigger than just you and your own fucking goals. How can I trust you to have my back, when you just put your own goals ahead of the mission? That’s not the way this works.” I pointed out to him sternly.

“I’ve survived this long watching my own back. No time to worry about anyone else.” He told me a little more calmly.

“Then you listen to me carefully. If you want in on this, you need to understand that you’re part of a team. There’s no way we can do this unless we’re all working together.” I told him.

I hadn’t personally paid him, so if he couldn’t do this, then I didn’t have any reservations against letting him go and leaving him here to find his own way off this planet. If he wanted to be a part of this and do something that was bigger than himself, then I needed him to work with me. He could choose this himself. He wasn’t even an essential person on my team. Not like Garrus was.

Zaeed looked down, as if either in thought or ashamed of himself. “You… you have a point.”

“I know.” I agreed.

“I’m not done with Vido, but I can put that behind me long enough to get your mission done.” He decided.

“That’s all I want.” I assured him.

“Let’s get the hell out of here, boss.” He said, and that was all I needed to hear.

The first thing I did was get this rubble off his leg. This was heavy – some sort of metal bar – but I easily lifted it off him on my own. Cybernetics made me stronger, I guess. Extending an arm towards him, he grabbed it and used it to pull himself off the ground. A deep groan came from him as he got to his feet. The man was hurt and I could only imagine that his older body felt it a little more than mine would.

He needed support to move forward, so I let him lean his weight on me as we walked over to the shuttle that was already waiting for us. Zaeed limped. Nothing major – he had survived being shot in the head, after all – but it looked like it hurt. He would need some rest, pain killers, and maybe for Karin to check him out properly, too. Good thing we were going to Illium. That would take time and force him to rest.

I sat down next to him while Garrus sat opposite to us and went back to his omni-tool to do whatever he was doing. Not keen on there being bad blood between Zaeed and I, I decided to start up the conversation with him.

“Need the med-bay for your leg?” I asked.

“Yeah. Maybe that’s not a bad idea.” He answered after a grunt of pain left him.

I nodded in acknowledgement. While he had acted like a dick down on Zorya, I could understand where he was coming from. Or rather, I didn’t completely understand. I got the hatred. The lust for revenge. I understood that. Elanos Haliat was one person that did it for me. Finch was another. Anders on Earth also popped into my mind.

But I didn’t understand being that deep within it. So deep that you couldn’t do anything else and that it constantly haunted your dreams? Maybe right away, but not for all those years. Besides, I still liked Zaeed to some extent. I didn’t want him to walk around feeling like I was angry with him, or that I didn’t trust him to still have my back. I did.

And what he said to me planet-side… it popped back into my mind. He thought I had fought to survive. Been stubborn enough to not even let death keep me down. I hadn’t. Not at all. The complete opposite, actually. I was resigned to my fate. Ready to die. Didn’t want it, of course, but I had no choice in the matter. I had been brought back to life to fight for the greater good on someone else’s volition. I needed to tell him that.

“You may be older than me, but I get the hatred. I get the single-minded track this revenge gives you. I’ve been there a lot more times myself than I ever wanted to be.” I admitted to him.

He looked at me. “Really?”

“Mhm. But never to your extent. While I don’t agree with you so willingly wanting to kill those innocent people because of your own fuckup, I also understand that this is a lot deeper than what I have ever been through in my life. The man almost killed you. You survived from pure stubbornness and that’s admirable. I can’t claim the same. Of course I didn’t want to die when I did, but I certainly didn’t feel stubborn enough to survive being spaced with a suit leak.” I explained and realized myself that I was rambling.

“Does this story have a moral to it?” Zaeed wondered, now tired of my rambling.

I looked at him and smiled. “No. Just trying to level with you. Practice trusting people again.”

My eyes moved to the empty seat next to Garrus, but I could feel Zaeed watch me for what I just said. Curious to what I meant, probably, but he didn’t say anything to me. After a few long seconds, he moved his eyes to the front again.

Just as the shuttle arrived in the bay of the Normandy, I opened my omni-tool and sent the tracking to his. He had made a personal sacrifice to serve me when it was made clear that I wouldn’t let innocent people suffer. I wanted to repay that to him. Didn’t say anything about it. I just announced that we had arrived and started to head out.

“We’re here.” I said and watched as Garrus left right away, leaving me alone with Zaeed in the shuttle.

“What’s this?” I heard Zaeed ask.

I turned around and saw him watching his omni-tool in confusion. He saw coordinates. A constant feed telling him where Vido was. A small gift, but I wasn’t too quick to let him know that I had done this for him. This would make sure Zaeed always knew where he was so he could pursue his very personal revenge at a later date.

“Is this what I…?” He started to wonder as he understood what he was looking at.

“Huh. That looks like a ping from an omni-tool. Based on its location, it looks like this belongs to Vido’s omni-tool. Strange. How did that get there? That’s so weird.” I innocently answered after looking at it with him.

He moved his eyes to mine with shock all over his face. “Did you do this?”

“Me? I have no idea what you’re talking about, old man. Maybe the person who gave this to you wants you to blow Vido’s head off for them. He sounded like a big arrogant asshole, from what I hear.” I answered just as innocently.

He kept watching me with that same kind of shock on his face. A chuckle telling me that he didn’t quite believe what he thought was going on left him. I smiled and offered up a sassy little wink to him. He was my squad, and so I would take care of him. I hoped he now realized that. After grabbing onto my extended arm, I supported him as we made our way to the elevator for the med-bay.

“Goddamn, darling.” He muttered out.

“Save it, pops. Let’s get you to the med-bay.” I told him as we walked along.

Chapter Text

Cargo pants, N7 tank top and boots. A new look, but I found it to be insanely comfortable. The cargo pants were black with white striped details on them. As I looked at my ass in those pants, I laughed out loud to myself. Pareidolia. The name for seeing faces in things. Thought to be a sign of psychosis, though it was just normal thing brains did. And right now, the white stripes that were on my ass looked like an angry scowling face.

Displeased ass or not, this was a comfortable look for me today. I needed to go down and fetch some food, before I went back to working on those damned mission reports I didn’t want to do at all. Our way to Illium wasn’t a long one. We would arrive tomorrow morning. I had plans for what I wanted to do when we arrived.

The first thing was to change out the couch in my loft. While this couch was good enough for most people, it wasn’t good enough for me. Garrus wasn’t currently talking to me, but in case he would soon, I wanted to have a comfortable spot for him to sit. And turian couches were insanely comfortable to sit on. At least I thought they were. Huge for a human, of course, but still feeling very comfortable to sit in. Maybe I could tempt him with going couch-shopping with me while we visited Liara.

I would also want a vid screen I could hook up by my bed. There was one by the display that was here, on the side of the couch, but I wanted one by my bed. Watching vids there just seemed so much better. Maybe I would change my mind when I got a turian couch, but for now, I wanted one by my bed, too. I liked tech. Having more vid screens never seemed like a bad idea.

The last thing I wanted, was a mini-fridge. There was a wine cabinet in here, which was nice, but I wanted a small fridge for myself to place in here. What would I do with it? Keep drinks and food that I made for myself. While I liked to cook, I didn’t really like to cook in that kitchen. People stared at me whenever I ate my dextro food. It made enough sense – it was weird as fuck to anyone – but I didn’t want to deal with the looks all the time.

Speaking of my switch to dextro food, I had talked to Mordin about it some more. He said the nano bots learned and became more effective from me keeping feeding them information – pun intended. In the beginning, I had to supplement with human food. It took no more than a couple of days for my body to effectively digest turian food, though. Artificially, of course, with the help of nano bots. However weird that was, I guess me turning into a turian made me happy.

We were running low on supplies, too. We needed to really stock up on Illium. It sounded like we would be there for a while. Visit Liara, get supplies, and get Thane and Samara. Things would take time. That could be the perfect time for us to get the crew some shore leave. Give them a few days off to wander around and to their own thing while I assembled a couch, placed the fridge under my desk and cooked turian food to my heart’s content.

But right now, I was in the kitchen to get some lunch. Dextro rations, of course, and Gardner still looked at me like I was crazy whenever I grabbed that. Though this time he actually waved me over as I was heading back to the elevator. Curious about what this was going to be, I walked over to him.

“Commander. Those provisions you provided were perfect. I owe you. I’ve already thrown together some of my calamari gumbo. Here, try a bite.” He excitedly said and offered up.

The man was insisting on feeding me from the spoon he had in his hands. What was this? Was he trying to get me to not eat dextro rations anymore by tempting me with food that tasted good? That wouldn’t happen. Not in a million years. Turian food was the best out there, in my opinion. Though I did wonder what it tasted like, so I shrugged and let him spoon feed me.

My eyes widened automatically as the taste hit me. This was… incredibly good. Spices balanced between salty, a little spicy, and a hint of sweetness. Calamari was never my favorite food, but damn. This tasted really good. This man could actually cook, couldn’t he? Was he some sort of human chef?

“Ooh! That’s good.” I praised after swallowing it down.

“Truth told, it’s based on an asari recipe. Seems a little cannibalistic to me with their tentacle heads and all, but they know good grub.” He shrugged sheepishly and I chuckled at his joke.

“Doesn’t matter if it is. That’s good. I bet the crew are happy with this.” I said genuinely.

A warm smile met me. “Anyway, thanks again! You really came through.”

“Sure. No problem.” I answered with a smile.

Dextro rations in hand, I started to head to the elevator to go get some work done. I was determined to actually do it this time. Unfortunately, it seemed to be talk to Mikaela-day today. This time it was Miranda that stopped me from behind. She even walked in front of me to make sure I didn’t move away from her.

“Shepard! Just the woman I wanted to see, actually.” She said excited.

“Oh? What’s going on?” I asked.

“It’s the start of October.” She noted and that didn’t really explain anything.

“So what?” I wondered.

“Well, we need to plan this now if there’s going to be a celebration.” She answered with a smile.

I was down to celebrate, but her answer didn’t explain anything to me. “I’m sorry, I’m not following you. What are we talking about here?”

“Christmas.” Miranda clarified.

I struggled to not blurt out the laugh building inside me as she answered me. Celebrate Christmas? Really? Were we living in the mid-2000s? And I thought about that like the hypocrite I was, though it was extremely old school. The fact that Miranda seemed so excited about it made it that much more hilarious to me, too.

“Christmas? Really? That’s… extremely old school. And extremely human. Cerberus celebrates Christmas?” I asked with a smile.

“Cerberus believes in celebrating every human holiday.” She quickly pointed out.

“Yeah, I don’t even know why I asked. You really want to celebrate Christmas, don’t you?” I wondered more curiously.

“What we’re doing is very serious. It could be a good way for the crew to get to relax.” She offered up as an explanation.

Sure. That made sense, though a regular party could do that just as well. Having a party where one could just cut loose wasn’t a bad idea at all. Alcohol, music, good food, great atmosphere – nothing about that was a bad idea. The whole Christmas thing was, though I wasn’t necessarily against the idea. But I only had problems popping into my head as I thought more and more about it. I needed to voice them out loud.

“I don’t necessarily disagree, but is that even something everyone on board would want? That’s a Christian tradition. Some may just not believe or have other beliefs.” I pointed out seriously.

“Would you feel better if I did a survey and asked everyone?” Miranda asked me and another thought struck me as she did.

“Yes. While the idea of a party is a good one, I don’t want it to upset anyone. And forget about the humans for a second. What about Garrus, Tali, Mordin and Grunt? Or Samara and Thane, when we pick them up? I want to include everyone. If we’re doing this, then it can’t be centered around religion.” I decided.

“You do know what Christmas is about, right?” She asked me and I rolled my eyes first.

“Yes. I went to school right up until my parents died. Still won’t change my answer. But I guess we could have some sort of Christmas party. Food, baked goods, alcohol, gifts, if people would want that. Maybe even play some Christmas songs.” I answered her.

“What kind of food should we serve?” She wondered.

Shit, we were really planning this now, huh? That was a tough one to answer, just because the few humans that still celebrated Christmas ate a lot of different foods. But this actually made me think about showing everyone that weren’t human a human tradition. Putting it like that didn’t strike me as a bad idea. Culture exchange. Everyone that wanted to could taste human food. The heavy and sleep-inducing kind, but human food none the less.

Also thinking about food excited me. I still liked to cook. If Gardner was down for doing this with me, then we could potentially have a big table of samples for everyone to eat. Huh. That didn’t seem like such a bad idea. It would be one difficult thing to pull off, but we could do it. The baking could be done in advance. Damn. This excited me a little more than I thought it would.

“I think turkey is the most common one. In my country of birth we usually eat pork. Lamb ribs or lutefisk is also common. How about a little bit of everything? Everyone could taste some good and heavy Christmas food from around Earth. I could just make Garrus and Tali a better turian dinner.” I suggested, and it apparently excited Miranda, too.

“Sounds like a plan. What about gifts? How are you thinking that would work?” She wondered.

That was more difficult. My heart wanted to buy everyone a gift, but I didn’t have time to personally get to know absolutely everyone on this ship. I could buy a gift for the people I worked directly with, though. My squad. Joker. EDI? No, I realized how weird that sounded in my head as I thought about it. But I had some ideas.

“As much as I want to give everyone a personalized gift each, that would take up too much time. To keep it fair, maybe we’ll let the ship crew do Secret Santa with each other, or I just gift everyone a shore leave? And then with the squad, we could maybe do a more personalized gift exchange, as long as everyone agrees and wants to do that? I’ll happily buy a gift for all of you. Besides, it would force everyone to get to know each other a little better.” I suggested.

I didn’t expect for everyone to buy me a gift, but I would happily buy everyone a gift. They didn’t even need to buy gifts at all, if they didn’t want to. Damn it. I liked this idea. It brought out some nostalgia. I didn’t want to give Cerberus any credit for good ideas, but Miranda had actually come up with something good here. But as good of an idea as it was, I still needed to make sure everyone was on board.

“Actually, I think I want input from everyone about this. Just to make sure everyone is on the same page about this, would you mind sending out a bigger survey? Ask if people would want a Christmas party, if they want to do gifts, if they do, then what would they feel the best way to do gift would be, and what kind of credit limit they would want?” I asked her.

“Sure. I can do that.” Miranda answered with a smile.

“Good. Anything else you wanted to see me for?” I wondered.

“No. That was it.” She said and left.

My rations were getting cold and I wanted to head up and eat before they turned stone cold. The thoughts started to whirr as I waited for the elevator to reach my loft. Christmas party. While it was a very old-school tradition that very few humans celebrated anymore, it brought back some childhood memories for me. A tree in the living room, presents underneath, mom cooking dinner while I watched cartoons…

We would always start baking a few weeks in advance. Gingerbread men, gingerbread house, different kinds of biscuits – just her and me baking away to our heart’s content. The tree always came up December 1^st. Plastic one, since I was allergic to spruce. She insisted it start on the same day as the usual advent calendars would start. Putting it up earlier was the more usual way of doing things, but her birthday was November 30^th. She didn’t like her birthday getting mixed up with Christmas.

I missed her a lot. I hated that I didn’t remember any details of what she looked like anymore. I hated that I couldn’t remember what she sounded like anymore. The report that reporter did on me two years ago had shown a picture of her and me, but I couldn’t remember it. Seeing Vito overshadowed it right away. But those small and quirky details, like her not wanting to have any Christmas in our house before the day after her birthday, I remembered.

Miranda had talked about the crew getting some happy moments before they maybe died, and I thought about that as I started to eat at my desk. That would be the same as the unfinished business I bet my squad would want to do. Jacob and Zaeed had already been helped. While I didn’t mind doing it and I also wanted to do it because of what was waiting for us, it seemed to me like there was one person missing from that equation.

Myself. I was in charge and my responsibilities were centered around my team. I had no family, so I guess that I had no right to complain. This fight against the Reapers was too serious for me to focus on myself, anyway. But still there were a couple of things I would want to do if this was the final stop for me, too.

I never thought I would say it, but I wanted to visit my home town on Earth. Where it happened. Go into the house. The neighborhood had been abandoned after it happened. Superstition, of course. A part of me wanted to face going back there. Why? I had no idea. I had moved on from what happened that night, but I still wanted to go there one last time. It would also be the very last time I went to Earth unless I absolutely had to go back.

The other thing I wanted to do, would be a lot more difficult. Meet Fedorian. Tell him how sorry I was for being the reason for his son’s death. I didn’t expect him to forgive me for it, but I still needed to tell him that I was sorry. If I had just kept my hands to myself and not pushed for something with Vito, then this wouldn’t have happened. Vito would be alive. But no. I had to be selfish and push it.

I guess I could contact him. Send him a message. I definitely knew how to do that. But that didn’t seem right to me. I wanted to meet him and tell it to his face. He lived on Palaven, and while the thought of going back to Palaven excited me beyond belief, I couldn’t be so selfish to just go back for my own reasons. I would need another reason to do that. That meant that it wouldn’t happen. That actually made me sad.

A knock came to my door and it brought me right back to reality. After asking EDI who it was and after being told it was Tali, I unlocked the door and saw my little sister wander into my loft.

“Hey, Tali. Come in.” I greeted with a smile.

She did and spent some time standing still and looking around in awe. “Wow. This loft is…”

“Huge? Extravagant? Too big for one person? I know. How are you settling in?” I finished for her and asked.

“We didn’t really have time to chat while taking out geth on Haestrom. I can’t believe so many people died. Thank you again for getting Reegar out alive.” She thanked me.

Yes, Reegar. I had decided on the fact that he liked her and that she liked him. I was sure about it. Too bad having sex was difficult for them, because I was sure they would have a lot of fun together. He was a good guy. Passionate, just like Tali was. More importantly, they cared about each other beyond just being friends.

“I like Reegar. He’s a good guy. And he cares about you.” I told her with a knowing smile on my face.

“What are you insinuating, Shepard?” She asked and I thought I heard her smile as she did.

“Oh, nothing. Have you heard back from him? Did he recover well from his injuries?” I asked innocently.

“He sent me a message. It looks like he’ll make a full recovery. Any time you get a suit puncture, it’s a matter of luck. Reegar got out with a relative minor infection.” She told me and that made me happy to hear.

We got up and I ended up sitting on the one armchair by my couch while Tali sat on my couch. I had missed her a lot. Having her in my room with me was just the best feeling ever.

“Have you heard anything about the data you sent?” I asked curiously.

“I’m not likely to hear anything for a while. Or on an unsecure channel, for that matter.” She answered.

“Having any trouble settling back in on the Normandy?” I wondered.

“I like the quiet. I miss the old faces, though. Pressly, Engineer Adams, all of them. It doesn’t seem right having Cerberus in charge of this ship. Are you sure working for them is the right thing to do?” She asked back, a little carefully this time.

I missed Pressly and Adams, too. They were old-timers. Hardcore Alliance people. One was unfortunately dead, but I was pretty sure Adams was still alive. While I never agreed with Pressly’s xenophobia, I respected his loyalty and his dedication to the work he was doing. He was a damned fine X.O. and he was missed.

But there we had it again. The question about my choice regarding working with Cerberus. This time I actually couldn’t hold back from answering her a little sternly. I was tired of this question. I still didn’t like working with them myself, and it annoyed me on some level that she had to ask that question at all. The thought being that she knew me better than that.

“We’re not working for them. We’re working with them. I’m in charge of this mission and I’m in charge on this ship.” I answered.

“Oh! So you ordered the listening devices and tracking beacons that are all over this ship? I know you need resources to fight the Collectors, but be careful, Shepard.” Tali answered just as sternly and sarcastically back, and it triggered me this time.

“I’m not an idiot, Tali. I know what they did – we even saw it with our own eyes. I know I’m just their newest experiment where they just wanted to see how far they could take science. The only reason I’m doing this, is because they want to investigate the Reaper threat. No one else does at this point in time. I fully expect them to betray us at some point, and we’ll be ready when they do.” I retorted.

She softened up and seemed to calm down. “I’m glad to hear that, Shepard. Just let me know how I can help.”

Anger got replaced by guilt mighty fast after that. I calmed down as I realized she was only trying to figure out if my stance on Cerberus had changed at all from the last time we spoke. They had resurrected me. They were doing my every bidding, at least up until this point. That would’ve maybe changed how I felt about them, in her eyes. But that wouldn’t happen. I understood that they would stab me in the back someday.

And I also realized they had done her people a great injustice by trying to attack the Migrant Fleet. I could whine about not trusting them all I wanted to, but she had very good reason not to. Tali was so close to her people. I understood why she didn’t trust them at all. It made me that much more grateful for the fact that she chose to trust my decision to work with them.

“How did Cerberus get on the quarian’s bad side?” I asked curiously.

“They attacked one of our ships, the Idenna. It seems they were attempting to kill or control a young human biotic who was on the Fleet. I don’t really know the details. I do know that Cerberus made an enemy of the quarian people that day.” She told me.

“Understandable. I’m happy you’re here, Tali. Thank you for being by my side in this mess.” I thanked her genuinely.

“It’s no problem, Shepard. Do you mind if I look around your loft?” She wondered.

“Go right ahead.” I answered with a smile.

Tali got off my couch and started to look around curiously for whatever she wanted to look at. I let her wander. I had nothing to hide from her and if she wanted to be a curious bastard, then she could be. It didn’t take too long before she put something in front of me, though. My cheeks immediately became red right away as I understood I had been caught red-handed.

“Shepard, why is there a picture of Garrus on your nightstand?” Tali asked innocently.

“That’s, uhm… none of your business.” I answered sheepishly.

“Are you into him?” She teased.

I bit my cheek to calm myself down and to try and bring the redness and heat down. Damn it. This was embarrassing. Of course I still was into him. He never left my mind and the question of whether or not he would want to be something more than just friends never left my mind either. On a lot of levels, it kept me from moving on with my life. It was an unresolved issue I needed an answer to.

Then I got nervous for a second. I knew she had asked for casual sex with him in the past. He had turned her down, because she wasn’t his type. She wasn’t actually into him, as far as I knew. She had a thing for Reegar now and they were actually a good match.

The fact that I didn’t answer didn’t really help my situation. It made her bend down and look at my guilty face. She giggled as she saw the expression on my face and then she sat down on the couch after leaving the picture in my lap. I kept staring into those beautiful blue eyes for a few more seconds. Garrus wasn’t smiling, but his expression in this picture was relaxed and soft. It made him look sweet. The kind of sweet that sent my heart lurching every time I looked at it.

“You are into him!” She teased.

I groaned and sighed at the same time. “Fine, all right? I’ve been into him ever since I spent my last shore leave with him. You know, before the Normandy got blown up and I died.”

“I want details!” She demanded.

“From the shore leave? We went out and partied. We kissed. Made out on his bed. It was all very hot. From right now? There aren’t any. We’re not talking, for some reason.” I admitted and got sad as the last sentence left me.

Tali tilted her head like she didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

Yeah, what did I mean? Exactly what I had said, though I didn’t know what was going on. Talk about this with her, or not? It wasn’t her issue. Reegar and her weren’t really my issue, either. Maybe she had some insight about the situation. Maybe she even could give me some advice about what to do. So I explained what was going on.

“He’s in the main batteries. He locks the doors often. If they’re unlocked and I try to talk to him, he pushes me away. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know what I did wrong. But he won’t talk to me.” I admitted.

“What? When did this start?” She softly asked.

“I picked him up on Omega. He got badly hurt, but he survived. I was so scared about him dying. After he recovered from surgery, we had dinner up here. We had a good time, but then something happened during that dinner. I don’t know what, but he just suddenly got weird and left. I thought it was the fact that he was fresh out of surgery, but it wasn’t. He’s been pushing me away ever since.” I told her as calmly as I could.

Tali didn’t know what to say. “I had no idea, Shepard.”

“Have you talked to him?” I asked her, hoping that she had some information I could get my hands on.

“No. Like you said, he’s been isolating himself. I get a polite ‘hello’ when we pass each other, but that’s about it. He’s doing something. I can see him calibrate the guns sometimes, but that’s not all he’s doing, I think. Do you want me to talk to him?” She told me and asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I just have to wait for him to come to me. Whenever that’s gonna happen.”

Then the mood in the room got real sad. I felt tears pressing my eyes and I didn’t want to cry right now. What I wanted, was to get my mind off Garrus and over to something else. Tali had been teaching me about engines before I died. Maybe we could pick up where we left. Most of all, I think I just didn’t want to be alone, for once.

“Wow, this got depressing real fast. Wanna head down to engineering? Maybe you can teach me some more about engines?” I asked her.

“Sure. Let’s go down.” She answered.

Down we went to engineering where she did continue to teach me about engines. It still reminded me a little of how hacking worked, which I still thought could be a dumb thing to say. But the similarities I saw made it easier for me to learn. It was nerdy and geeky, but also very interesting. I wasn’t one to talk, either. Being a good hacker meant that you had to be a little geeky.

Inspired by Jacob telling me about the armor of this ship, I asked her if she had some ideas on upgrading the Normandy. She did. She gave me some designs for better shields and I took those and ran with them. Good input and just one more thing that would better our chances against the Collectors when we hit the relay.

After some time, Gabriella and Kenneth came back from eating, I presumed. They watched me with interest as I kept asking questions and learning about how this worked. I was deep within it, but as soon as I looked at them and smiled, they started to talk to me.

“You’re the best, Commander. We just got those FBA couplings installed. Now we only have to calibrate every week instead of every day. We’re thinking about celebrating our newfound free time with some Skyllian-Five poker. Want to join us?” Kenneth thanked and asked with a smile.

“Come on, Kenneth. The commander doesn’t want to play cards with grease monkeys like us.” Gabriella pointed out.

“Why not? I wanna play.” I told them.

“You in, Tali?” Kenneth asked and looked at Tali.

“Sure, that sounds fun.” She answered.

“Fantastic! I’ll get the cards.” He said with a grin.

“Skyllian-Five, though. I think I know the rules, but I haven’t played in a very long time. You’ll go easy on the rookie, right?” I lied innocently.

I knew perfectly well how Skyllian-Five worked. Worked exactly like classic Poker. Five cards on hand. Wild card could be in the deck, or not. Other than that, it was the same kind of rules as it was with regular poker. Pairs, houses, straights, flush – all the same.

The only difference was that the cards were different. Not numbered the same way as human cards were. This had been made on Elysium where a lot of species hung out in harmony. To make sure everyone understood, the cards had been changed with symbols every species could learn and understand.

Why was I lying to them? I wanted to knock them both down a little for two different reasons. Kenneth had an ego on him, and while he could back it up with his engineering skills, I wanted to knock it down a little. Gabriella, on the other hand, thought I was too important to play cards with them. That offended me. It would be fun to see the looks on their faces when I cleaned the table with what I could do with a deck of cards. That was a lot.

“Of course, Commander. It’s all friendly.” Kenneth assured me with a smile.

Gabriella suspected something was up, though. “Yeah, right.”

We went to the table in the mess hall to play and quickly had a crowd watching us. Zaeed and Jack followed this with keen interest. Grunt looked like he waited for the fighting to start. It was most of the squad with the exception of Jacob, Miranda and Garrus that watched. While there would be no fighting, this would be fun. I was just about to give everyone the impression that I had little to no knowledge of how this worked and then blow them all away.

They ended up wanting me to be the dealer, which was a stupid idea. There were a lot of ways to con people out of their money on the streets of Earth, and I was actually very good at doing just that. Directly stealing was one thing and I was good at that. Confusing people with math was another. But I liked sleight of hands because it required good skill. I had worked on that skill a lot, and I still had it. Giving me a brand new deck of cards that were sorted? Come on. This was gonna be a little too easy for me.

While I was doing this to just prove a point to Gabriella and Kenneth, they wanted to play for real credits. I was surprised Kenneth hadn’t suggested playing strip poker, but I let that thought be. What would I do with their credits when I won? I would give them back, of course. I didn’t want nor need their credits. This was just to prove a point and blow them away in my eyes. It would be unfair to actually take their money when I was cheating and lying out of my ass. So I shuffled the cards and made it look like I actually did a good job of it. Then I dealt out.

I played the idiot while I read everyone around the room. I had given Kenneth a decent hand this round while making sure I had a better one. He might’ve liked to play poker, but the man had no poker face at all. Oh, he didn’t directly smile to show he had a good hand in any way, but he had a tell. A very subtle one, but it was there, hidden in his eyes. Tali and Gabriella folded, as expected. Kenneth did not. And he was so sure he was going to win, too.

Until we showed our cards, of course, and it turned out I won. It knocked him down a little, but he wanted to go again. We ended up playing a few rounds with me always winning. Sometimes I didn’t even have a good hand, just to keep them on their toes. I just managed to make everyone believe that I did. And if they demanded to see my hand when I had a bad hand, they got shocked and tried hard to learn what my tells were.

I had no tells. Tells had been mercilessly beaten out of me during my time with Finch in the Reds. Kept breathing the same way as I always did, no expression when I looked at my cards, I switched out weird amounts of cards, and made it impossible to know what I was holding on hand. They had no idea what they were in for.

The only person that would be able to know that I was potentially lying wasn’t here. Garrus could hear my heart beating, and if he wanted to put me on the spot while playing poker, I really couldn’t control the way my heart beat. Though I guess it always beat faster around him. It could confuse him enough for me to get away with it.

All in all, I ended up winning 500 credits when everyone decided they had enough of me fucking them over. How none ever suspected that I was cheating was beyond me, though I think Tali maybe knew. Zaeed too, maybe. He was old enough to have seen some shit during his lifetime. I actually ended the last round with five of a kind on hand – we played with a wild card – and that’s when I saw the knowing smile on his face. I met it with my own innocent smile.

“Be gentle on the rookie? I can’t believe we fell for that. How did you do that?” Kenneth asked after we ended our game.

I just smiled and gave him a satisfied wink. That had been fun. I transferred everyone’s credits back to them as soon as the game was over. They had to suspect something was up after that, but they really didn’t. They viewed me as that innocent, huh? Poor people.

“Never underestimate Shepard.” Tali pointed out with a smile.

“It’s so worth losing to see you taken down a notch.” Gabriella said to Kenneth.

“Beat me at my own game. You’re all right, Shepard.” Kenneth told me.

“Next time we play, someone else can deal. I can also teach you a game I used to play a lot growing up. I don’t know the correct name for it in English, but the closest would be reverse casino. It’s a tactical game. A lot of fun.” I offered up.

“Just tell us when and where.” Gabriella answered with a smile.

This had been fun. A good distraction and I felt calmer right now. Even a little happier. The game I wanted to play with them was about not getting any points at all. It was strategic and tactical, and I immediately thought it could be something Garrus would like. Because he was a turian, of course, but also because he seemed to enjoy tactical and strategic games. When this silent treatment ended, I would have to ask him.

But it was time to return to my duties and get some work done before I would have to go to bed. Those mission reports couldn’t wait, after all. I also wanted to be rested for our trip to Illium. So I walked towards the elevator ready to finish some of those damned mission reports. What ended up stopping me was something I didn’t expect at all. An announcement from EDI that rang through the comms. Directed at me, even.

Mika, The Illusive Man wishes to speak with you.

Chapter Text

I was curious about what the Illusive Man wanted to see me for. Maybe he had caught something we needed to check out, or maybe he had some important information he needed to tell me about. Whatever it was, I decided to head up to go see him right away.

It surprised me that he wasn’t sitting by his desk this time. He was standing and puffing on his usual cigarette. He greeted me with the same kind of blank expression he so often would give as he stared at me while I waited patiently for him to tell me what he wanted. The man could certainly take his sweet time. I didn’t like that.

“Shepard, we caught a break. I intercepted a distress call from a turian patrol. They stumbled on to a Collector ship beyond the Korlus system. The turians were wiped out, but not before they crippled the Collector vessel. I need you to board that ship and get some data on the Collectors. Find us a way to get to their homeworld.” He told me.

There were a lot of things that stood out to me with that. The turian fleet was incredibly strong, one would be an idiot to not agree with that. But this was a Collector ship. First of all, the Collector ships I had seen were huge. That would need a dreadnought to take care of it. A turian patrol wouldn’t have a dreadnought with them. It would’ve had frigates. Maybe a cruiser.

The second thing that stood out to me, was that it had actually managed to cripple a Collector ship. Yeah, the turians were strong, but we were talking about a ship that managed to pick up the Normandy in stealth. A ship that blasted the Normandy away with ease. We were talking about a ship belonging to someone that I was sure had Reaper tech on board. The turians had been wiped out, but still. This was difficult to believe.

“The turians are pretty ruthless, but it’s still difficult to imagine how they could take out a Collector ship.” I pointed out skeptically.

“Reports indicate that the hull’s intact, but all systems seem to be offline. They could be making repairs as we speak. I’m not saying it won’t be dangerous, but we can’t let an opportunity like this slip by.” He answered me.

While I agreed, this could be a bad idea. Because the third thing that caught my attention was that the turians wouldn’t take kindly to a random human ship interfering in this. I didn’t want to fight turians. He had intercepted the message. I hated that I thought about it in this way, but had he made sure the turians weren’t getting these messages?

“If the turians had a patrol out there, then why aren’t they sending a recon team in?” I asked.

“They will. Eventually. But I intercepted the transmissions. In the meantime, we’re feeding them false reports. You’re close enough that you can be in and out before the turians learn the truth.” He told me.

And while that was what I wanted to hear, this still felt wrong. Something told me to expect trouble. That this wouldn’t be as cut and dry as he had said. My gut told me to please not do this, but I couldn’t listen to it. We needed the information they had and I had to agree that this was a golden opportunity for that.

“Are you sure this information is good?” I still asked.

“Information is my weapon, Shepard. It’s good.” He assured me and even sounded a little offended as he did.

“All right. Send me the coordinates, and I’ll take care of it.” I told him.

“Already sent. Once you’re aboard the ship, establish an uplink with EDI. She’ll mine their data for information regarding the Omega 4 relay. Good luck, Shepard.” The Illusive man answered and cut the link.

It was early evening at this time. My plan had been to finish some mission reports and relax before I went to bed. This demanded immediate action, though. We couldn’t wait this time. Samara and Thane would have to wait for a pickup. This was a little too important. It actually couldn’t wait.

“Joker, we need to go to that Collector ship. I need an accurate ETA.” I said out loud.

“We’ll be there in an hour.” He answered me.

The Illusive Man had said that it could potentially get dangerous. The ship had been disabled. Weapons were offline. He suggested that there could be Collectors there, but it didn’t seem like he thought it would be risky at all. Even through that, this felt… wrong. Bad. But it was something we needed to check out, so we would have to do this.

I normally liked the two squad members deal, but this time, I wanted an extra person with me. That was purely just in case things were to go down bad. My krogan adult man-child would like to come along. I was sure of that. I definitely needed Garrus with me. I also decided to bring Miranda, in case we needed barriers to be taken care of. I sent them messages right away, told them to meet me in the shuttle bay, and went to get myself ready.

As we approached the ship, I stood with Joker to take a good look at this thing. It was dark. No lights were on. It looked like a huge rock with a circular kind of detail on the back of it. In front were the weapons and I was happy to see that the ship being dark meant that they weren’t online at all. And it was huge. Dreadnought size at the very least.

Very low emissions. Passive infrared temperatures suggest most systems are offline. Thrusters are cold.

“That thing is massive. How the hell did the turians take it out?” Joker wondered.

Yeah. Good question. We hadn’t seen any rubble from a ship being taken out. While that could just be due to the fact that it had been blasted off away from us – Newton’s first law, and all that – I had expected to see something. Something that told us there had been a battle here. But no. Nothing at all. Curious.

Ladar scans do not detect any hull breaches on the side facing us. I detect no mass effect field distortions. It appears the drive core is offline.

“Rendezvous in 30 seconds, Shepard. Good luck.” Joker said.

I gave him a little kiss on the cheek and headed down to the shuttle bay. Just before I went to the elevator, I decided on a hunch to grab my grenade launcher. Made sure she was filled to the brim with grenades, too. You know. Just in case things were going to go to hell. I just wanted to be prepared if they did.

The shuttle took us down and we hopped out. I decided to park the shuttle here this time, in case we needed a quick escape. Fuck. I didn’t like this at all. I was nervous. A good kind of nervous that kept my senses sharper, but nervous still.

“I love what they’ve done with the place.” Garrus noted sarcastically.

“Looks like a giant insect hive.” Miranda added.

I looked around at the interior and decided that Miranda was right. It kinda did remind me of an insect hive. The interior was also very strange to look at. It had its own unique kind of streamline to it, while looking anything but streamlined. It would actually be exactly like looking inside an anthill or a bee hive. It was dark and with a natural looking beige tint everywhere. The ship itself had the same color on the outside, I realized.

Penetrating scans have detected an access node to uplink with Collector databanks. Marking location on your omni-tool.

It was time to head inside, then. We did so carefully, though still as quickly as we could. I wanted to be in and out without any holdups or issues at all, because however badass I was told I was all the time, I didn’t like this at all. We didn’t even know what we would meet as we went further and further into the ship.

Everything was offline on this ship and that meant helmets were on. It didn’t just let us breathe, but it also gave us extra protection, in case a Collector decided to headshot one of us. Well, Grunt, Garrus or myself. Miranda wore one of those fancy breather masks instead. Maybe she just didn’t want to mess up her hair. Pretty vain, if that was the case.

Mika, I have compared the ship’s EM signature to known Collector profiles. It is the vessel you encountered on Horizon.

That sent a chill down my spine, for some reason. That seemed like a big coincidence. With that said, I didn’t think anyone knew just how big the Collector fleet was. It could just be this one ship, or it could be more. No one knew. And to calm myself down, I tried to make sense of how this damned turian patrol managed to take this thing down.

“Maybe the defense towers softened it for the turians.” I suggested.

“The missing colonists might be aboard. If they’re still alive.” Garrus also suggested, though a little more somberly.

I had to go into infiltrator mode to get through this. Get in, hook EDI up to their data banks, and get the fuck out as soon as possible. As much as I wanted to see if the colonists were alive and help them if they were, we couldn’t care about that right now. Collectors could be hiding around every corner. We needed to work like the mission objective was all that mattered.

Another thing started to bother me in that moment. While we hadn’t gotten particularly deep into the ship yet, I was a little unsettled by the fact that we hadn’t seen any actual Collectors yet. Where was the resistance? We were sniffing around their ship. It hadn’t been damaged. Knocked out, yes, but it didn’t look to be damaged at all. This was starting to smell bad.

The same kind of pods we had seen on Horizon met us soon. Orange in color, it really did remind me of some sort of twisted cocoon one could expect to see in an insect hive. Creepy, to say the very least.

“These are the same containers the Collectors used on Horizon. Only these are empty.” Miranda noted.

“Horrible. Trapped in these pods. Completely at the mercy of the Collectors.” Garrus added somberly.

Yeah, I didn’t want to think about that. I was also curious about what they were doing with these colonists, but I was also sure that the data mine would tell us more about that. Maybe. It all depended on what they would tell us. Besides, we were there to find a way through the Omega 4 relay. I felt cold for not being worried about this now, but we just couldn’t. This was an infiltration mission. That was my specialty. Mission objective was all that mattered.

Close by was a pile of dead bodies. Human dead bodies. Stacked high, too, and it was incredibly uncomfortable to look at. That dead bodies were here didn’t surprise me. What unsettled me, was why they were there. Why keep them in the open? To me, it almost felt like a tease, a sort of warning, telling intruders what would happen if they searched this ship. A warning.

“This looks bad.” Garrus said as we came upon it.

“Why would the Collectors just leave a pile of bodies lying around?” Miranda asked.

“Must have been used for testing. I’d say these subjects didn’t pass.” He answered her.

“There are worse things than death. Like being a test subject for twisted aliens.” I noted to them, having personal experience in both fields.

Miranda chuckled. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

I turned around and looked at her seriously through my helmet. “No. Not at all.”

My omni-tool continued to guide us deeper and deeper into this ship. I didn’t like how deep we were heading. The shuttle seemed to get further and further away than I felt comfortable with it being. Our escape, if things were about to go down, was far away from us right now. I corrected my thoughts internally. Not if they were about to go down. When they went down. Because this felt like it would go down at some point.

A sort of control station met us after a while. My omni-tool told me that this wasn’t our destination, but I gathered it would hold some useful information for us none the less. A dead Collector was in a stretcher looking pod by it. I took a look at it, before I mined the data from this console.

“That’s a Collector. Were they experimenting on one of their own?” Miranda wondered as she looked at it.

“EDI, I’m uploading the data from this terminal. See if you can figure out what they were up to.” I told her and sent a copy of the data to the Normandy.

Data received. Analyzing. The Collectors were running baseline genetic comparisons between their species and humanity.

“Do you know why?” I asked curiously while furrowing my brows.

I have no hypothesis on their motivation. All I have are the preliminary results. They reveal something remarkable. A quad-strand genetic structure, identical to traces collected from ancient ruins. Only one race is known to have this structure: the Protheans.

It silenced me for a hot minute while I processed what she just said. Did that mean that EDI was saying that the Collectors were the Protheans? It sounded like it, and it blew me away.

“Oh, shit. The Protheans didn’t vanish. They’re just working for the Reapers now.” I said shocked.

These are no longer Protheans, Mika. Their genes show distinct signs of extensive genetic rewrite. The Reapers have repurposed them to suit their needs.

Okay. That was kinda what I thought, too. They were Protheans. Were, being the keyword. They were what Saren wanted the galaxy to be, only on a whole other level. But this was surprising. Why didn’t anyone know about this already?

“You’d think somebody would have picked up on this.” I noted.

No one has had an opportunity to study a Collector genetic code in this detail. I have matched two thousand alleles to recorded fragments. This Collector likely descends from a Prothean colony in the Styx Theta cluster. But there are signs of extreme alteration. Three fewer chromosomes. Reduced heterochromatin structure. Elimination of superfluous ‘junk’ sequence.

“So the Reapers didn’t wipe out the Protheans. They turned them into monsters and enslaved them. Still, they’re working for the Reapers now. We have to stop them.” I said and was surprised by my own sad tone as I did.

“They’re not doing to us what they did to the Protheans.” Miranda said fiercely.

Or to the rest of the galaxy, for that matter. Not just us humans. I didn’t like Cerberus for a lot of reason, but this was a big one for me. As soon as it became a human matter, then all of a sudden it was important. I bet if the turians, asari, salarians or even the elcor were experiencing this, then they wouldn’t care at all. It would be their issue, because humans weren’t involved. Ergo not something worth thinking about.

But Cerberus’ xenophobia couldn’t be important to me now. While this had been interesting to learn, it also wasn’t what we came here for. We needed to move and get this done, so we could go back to the Normandy and leave this ship in peace.

“All right. Let’s find what we need before the Collectors come to salvage this vessel.” I decided.

And ever deeper into this damned ship we went. No resistance yet and it still surprised me. This seemed more and more like it was a trap to me, and while I somewhat expected that to be the case at this point, I still wondered where the Collectors were. Did they want us as deep within the ship as possible before they ambushed us?

“Look – on the ceiling. More of those strange pods.” Garrus suddenly said in shock.

I looked up and immediately wished that I hadn’t. The ceilings held the same kind of pods we saw on the ground – the same kind the colonists had been abducted in. A lot of them. And they glowed menacingly in their orange color. This was incredibly creepy to look at. It really did remind me of clusters of eggs or something like that.

“There must be hundreds of them. How many do you think are full?” Miranda wondered.

“Too many.” Grunt said and I had to admit that I got a little surprised when I heard his voice – he had been so silent that I forgot he was there.

I detect no life signs in the pods, Mika. It is probable the victims died when the ship lost primary power.

That made sense. A sad reality, but one that made perfect sense. But as creepy as this was, we had to move. We were making a steady climb upwards towards our goal and it was Joker who next interrupted the silence that was all around us.

“Shepard, you gotta hear this. On a hunch, I asked EDI to run an analysis on this ship.” He said.

I compared the EM profile against data recorded by the original Normandy two years ago. They are an exact match.

Okay, these coincidences needed to stop. This was the ship that we met on Horizon. This was also the same ship that blew apart the Normandy two years ago? The one I lost my life to? What the fuck was up with these Collectors? They were a little too interested in me, and I didn’t really like that.

“The same ship’s been dogging me for two years? Way beyond coincidence.” I noted through a nervous laugh.

“Something doesn’t add up, Shepard. Watch your back.” Joker answered.

You don’t say. Just the fact that we hadn’t seen any Collectors or met any resistance made this a trap. That much was certain. But we needed that data, so we pressed on until we came to an alcove overlooking a huge open area. It was filled to the brim with those pods along the walls and ceiling, and it looked like it stretched on for literal miles.

“This is unbelievable.” Garrus noted shocked.

“They could take every human in the Terminus Systems and not have enough to fill these pods.” Miranda agreed.

“They’re going to target Earth.” Garrus suggested, and he was probably right.

“That’s why we have to stop them.” I said.

They could target Palaven, Tuchanka, Thessia or Sur’Kesh and I would’ve said the same thing. It didn’t matter to me that it was Earth they were targeting. Innocents were being abducted, experimented on, killed and hurt. This needed to stop, no matter where they came from or what species they belonged to.

So we pressed on and followed the alcove for a few seconds. My omni-tool told me we reached our destination as soon as we were close to what seemed to be an octagon-shaped platform with a terminal on it. As we walked up to it, it finally seemed like the others were finally suspecting that something was wrong.

“Where are the bodies of the Collector crew? Careful, Shepard. Something doesn’t feel right about this.” Miranda noted nervously.

“I know. This smells like a trap. Be ready.” I told everyone flatly.

I went to the console in the middle and watched as the others followed onto the platform with me. They spread out with their weapons drawn and seemed to stand guard as I went to work. I connected EDI to this terminal and took a deep breath. We had reached our goal.

“EDI? I’m setting up a bridge between you and the Collector ship. See if you can get anything useful from the data banks.” I told her.

Data-mine in progress, Mika.

She only managed to mine for a few seconds before a deep resounding boom came from the screen. A little surprised, I looked around the room. What looked like tubes started to activate themselves. Things moved inside them, though I didn’t know what they were. Adrenaline was slowly building inside me as I realized we were probably right where the Collectors wanted us to be right now.

“What happened, Joker? Are you all right?” I asked concerned.

“Major power surge. Everything went dark, but we’re up now.” He told me calmly.

I managed to divert the majority of the overload to non-critical systems. Mika, it was not a malfunction. This was a trap.

EDI’s words didn’t come as a surprise, though my heart lurched and beat a little faster when they did. Then the platform we were standing on started to fucking move. It moved us upwards. Floating in the air. It made everyone stumble around awkwardly as we fought to keep our balance.

“We need a little help here, EDI…” I told her.

I am having trouble maintaining connection. There is someone else in the system.

Of course there was. Of course this would go to hell right here. The platform suddenly stopped and I managed to catch myself on the console before I landed on my ass. Garrus wasn’t that lucky. He fell right to his back. Luckily Grunt helped him to his feet.

It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t for the fact that platforms like the one we were standing on were making their way towards us to connect with our own. I could spy Collectors on them. This was it. We had walked right into the trap they had laid out and now was the time to fight for our lives to get out safely.

“Fuck. Get ready, guys.” I told everyone.

Connection reestablished. I need to finish the download before I can override any systems.

“Then you better get it done fast, EDI!” I yelled at her.

These platform did have some decent cover and I guess that was all we could be happy about in this moment. The fight wasn’t too long – the platforms couldn’t hold too many Collectors. But it was tricky, just because more and more platforms were added to the mix and more and more Collectors entered on them. We even met a couple of scions. Their shockwaves fortunately seemed to get blocked by the sheer amount of cover that was around us. Some reprieve, luckily.

This immediately made me think of a honeycomb, the way these platforms connected to each other, that was. Strange, yet beautiful in its own way. It made me almost wonder if the Protheans were insect like in the way they worked, though that could just as easily be the influence of the Reapers.

Grunt did what he did best. Shoot things without a care in the world. Garrus and I focused on the scions to take them out as fast as possible. Miranda pitched in where it was needed and added her biotics for flare where we needed it. EDI kept informing me how far along her download was so I could go and manually reconnect her again when it was done.

As the area cleared and no more platforms connected to ours, I reconnected EDI to the console. She popped up on screen and that blue orb was the most beautiful sight ever in that moment.

I have gained control of the platform, Mika.

“Good work, EDI. I knew you wouldn’t let us down.” I praised as she put the platform back down to ground-level.

I always work at optimal capacity.

“Did you get what we needed?” I asked after chuckling a little.

I found data that could help us successfully navigate the Omega 4 relay. I have also found the turian distress call that served as the lure for this trap. The Collectors were the source. It is unusual.

“Yeah, I figured. That’s logical to me, actually. Place bait, someone falls for it. Trap.” I disagreed.

No, it is unusual because turian emergency channels have secondary encryption. It is corrupted in the message. It is not possible that the Illusive Man would believe the distress call was genuine.

“Why are you so sure about that?” I hopefully asked, though a part of me already knew what the answer would be.

I found the anomaly with Cerberus defection protocols. He wrote them.

I took a deep breath to try and calm down. Couldn’t even calm down from doing that. I had expected this. I knew it was going to happen. Now that it had happened, I couldn’t hold back the rage being betrayed made me feel. Sent us right into a trap without telling us about it. That was a clear betrayal in my books and I stood there shaking as I tried to calm down.

“That son of a bitch sent us right into Collector hands.” I said a little too calmly, but I heard the sourness dripping from my own voice.

“He knew it was a trap? Why would he send us into a trap?” Joker wondered confused.

“And here I thought I had experienced the betrayal of a lifetime.” Garrus muttered behind me.

“There has to be some other explanation. The Illusive Man wouldn't do this to us! He... he just wouldn't!” Miranda said, almost desperately.

I expected Grunt to say something but he just stood there ready for a fight. I realized that was what I needed right now. Even with a helmet on, I bet everyone could sense the rage I was holding back. It was Joker’s question that was in my mind. Why would he do this? Why would he knowingly send us into a trap? I thought we were on the same team. I guess I was wrong and I damned myself for feeling so surprised when I expected him to stab me in the back at some point.

“Uh… Shepard. We’ve got another problem. The Collector ship is powering up. You need to get out of there before their weapons come online. I’m not losing another Normandy!” Joker told me sternly.

That was all I apparently needed to hear. Even if we had been betrayed, this didn’t mean that I wanted to actually die here. I also needed to calm down. Anger was great. That was a good motivator. Rage? Not so much. That would only keep me unfocused right now. So I forced myself to calm down and forget that we had been betrayed, just so we could get out of this alive.

I do not have full control of their systems. I will do what I can. Sending coordinates for shuttle extraction.

“We need to fucking move.” I decided.

We started to backtrack. Luckily EDI was on our side and told us which way to go so we could leave in the most direct manner. This ship was getting back online, so we actually had to balance speed and efficiency right now. The first group of Collectors we met held only regular Collectors where one had been assumed control over. My hunch about bringing Miranda was a good one, because her warp quickly took care of its barrier. Other than that, it was a matter of just pointing and shooting.

I was intensely focused, though it didn’t escape me that Garrus kept missing his shots. It threw me off a little just because that was the last thing I would expect from him. What the hell was going on with him? It was so unusual that I hadn’t experienced it before at all. If there was one person I could always rely on in the field to never miss a single shot and to work like a dream, it was Garrus.

But I couldn’t focus on that right now, as we desperately needed to get out of this ship. The area cleared, we followed along and came to an open area that had an upper area above it. Collectors swarmed in just as we came upon it. A bigger fight, and we had both the upper and lower levels to focus on. I sent Grunt and Miranda to the upper level so Garrus and I could focus on the lower one.

Something was still off, though. He still kept missing his shots and I still watched him in awe as he did. It wasn’t like he never hit the enemies, but his natural flare and prowess seemed to be gone from him. Either something was on his mind to the point that he couldn’t focus, or he was incredibly tired. Since he wouldn’t tell me, I had no idea which it was. Everyone could have bad days. I realized that. It was just unfortunate that it happened right now.

Whatever the case was, getting everyone out alive was my main focus. If I had to carry us to be able to get out alive, then I would. So I did. I deliberately took down enemies he had targeted out before he could and cleaned out enemies as quickly as I could. A growl of frustration came from him as I did this, but I really didn’t care. Getting out alive was too important for me to care. My focus was intense and the adrenaline kept me going. It didn’t take too long before the area was cleared and we could move forward.

Had this been a less dangerous environment and if time had been on our side, I would’ve told everyone to take a couple of minutes to rest. This was intense, but we didn’t actually have the luxury of that. Joker kept hounding us to hurry up since this ship was powering up. So we had to move right away and we followed EDI’s direction while doing so.

We had been climbing up when we entered, so we needed to climb further down. Another open area met us and what came in to meet us, was exactly what I really didn’t want to see. The husks were one thing. They died quickly with a shot in the head that Grunt took care of. The big bug that entered – like the one that had burned my chest on Horizon – was another thing completely.

It was below us. That was an advantage we had right now. The barrier it had could’ve been problematic, but Miranda being here helped out a lot. She warped it away and that made it possible for me to launch a heavy incinerate towards it. This was a lot more of a streamlined way of taking care of it. Last time I played hide and seek with it, while Garrus and Grunt just shot it.

It would periodically slam down to the ground, like it had done when I got caught. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, its barrier regenerated itself. That’s what the asshole was doing, huh? Playing dirty. No matter. Miranda just warped the barrier away. I found myself appreciating her more and more. She was a strong fighter, both a decent shot and had strong biotics.

Remembering that I had my grenade launcher with me, I launched my full arsenal towards it. Maybe a little overkill on my part, but I didn’t care about that. It was what we needed for it to disintegrate and blow up to its death. The area now cleared, we pressed on ahead.

Through another passageway we went and we quickly noticed that we were closing in on where we came from. So were another barrage of Collectors and they had the height advantage on us. But these weren’t too difficult to get rid of. Point and shoot, and let Miranda warp the barriers away from the one being assumed control over as soon as possible.

We needed to circle up that path to get down to where we needed to go, so that’s what we did. A deep moan was heard and what entered was a scion. Its moaning was so haunting and creepy to listen to. That was one thing. Its shockwaves were incredibly dangerous. It also had Collectors with it and I guess that was the only thing that was missing, wasn’t it?

The fight was difficult, just because we had to dodge the shockwaves from the scion while we took care of the Collectors. Careful timing was what we needed to aim for to do this properly. Bringing an extra team member was the way to go, just because the one I was relying the most on wasn’t working today. And he suddenly showed just how out of it he was.

I had no idea what happened, just because I didn’t see it too well. But he was up on his feet, out of cover, and got blasted by the shockwave of the scion. His shields took the hit, but they were gone just as it happened. He also stumbled a little, clearly knocked back by what had just happened. Even Miranda and Grunt looked at him shocked as it happened, because that was unexpected. The problem was that the scion sent another shockwave towards him. If he got hit, then…

I didn’t even finish that thought. I ran over and took advantage of him stumbling, pushing him out of the way so he fell to his back. The shockwave hit me instead, but my shields were strong. They took the hit with ease and gave me a sliver to work with. Then another problem came. A Collector under control had worked its way towards us and Garrus’ shields weren’t up yet. He was ready to take a shot.

This was bad. The shot would kill him and the thought of that even being a possibility sent me into a small panic. What was up with Garrus today? This was so unlike him. Did he want to die? No, I honestly didn’t think he wanted that. He was working too hard to stay alive for that to happen. Unless one counted today, that was. Being this uncareful was not his style and it scared me to see how close he was to dying right now.

It also made me incredibly angry. I would be damned if he ended up dying in this shithole. He wasn’t allowed to die. Not my best friend.

Again, I didn’t even think about it. I just reacted. I put myself between this Collector and Garrus and took the hit meant for him. It blasted away my own shields, but it was enough so that I didn’t actually get hurt. I quickly turned around and emptied my M-5 into the Collector’s head. It died and while the battle was far from over, it bought us some space and a few seconds of time.

I turned to face Garrus who was still on his back on the ground where I had pushed him to. Worried out of my mind and furious at him for almost dying, I grabbed him by the cowl part of his armor. It was impossible to see any expressions from either one of us, just because we were wearing helmets. Though I was sure the urgency in the hold I had on him was easy for him to feel.

“What the fuck are you doing? I’m not leaving here without you. Get your head back in the game.” I told him sternly.

He took a deep breath and nodded to me, showing that he understood and would do what I had said. If he thought this was the end of it, he would be wrong. We would talk about this if he wanted to or not. And we would talk about this seriously. If he needed a break or didn’t want to be here with me, then he would just have to tell me. If something else was bothering him, then he needed to let me know right after this was done.

And boy did he compensate for acting like an idiot. As soon as his shields were back up, he made sure to hit every Collector between the eyes. He even took care of the scion on his own and made sure to take down the targets I had in my sights. I didn’t care if he did that. I just looked for another target and killed them as quickly as I could. Reloads were quick, he was balancing between taking chances and being careful, and he was right back where he usually was.

The area was clear in a manner of seconds after that, and we rushed forward to get out. I could see the shuttle, though we needed to circle around another corner and go down to get to it. A huge amount of husks met us. Time wasn’t on our side this time, so we just took care of enough of them so we could pass. As soon as they were behind us, we made our way to the shuttle while clearing the ones that were closing in on us.

“We’re out of time, Shepard. We have to go!” Joker practically yelled at me.

“Right. You heard the man – everybody onto the shuttle!” I yelled out myself.

I was pissed for a lot of reasons, but surviving was more important than being pissed right now. We all ran into the shuttle and I didn’t waste time programming it back to the shuttle bay. Fortunately this thing moved fast – we would be there in no time at all. As soon as we were safely inside the ship, I felt us move.

“Strap in, people – gonna make them work for it this time.” Joker told us.

I gathered that meant it wasn’t safe to move out of the shuttle just yet, and I was right. Joker started to perform evasive maneuvers. Everything was shaking and it was difficult to keep on my feet in the shuttle itself. The safest was to be inside it, so we stayed. We didn’t open the doors, just in case someone would have a terrible accident. The best pilot in the galaxy had to fix this one. I trusted he could do it.

“I can’t dodge this guy forever, EDI. Get us the hell out of here!” I heard Joker yell.

Specify a destination, Mr. Moreau.

“Anywhere that’s not here!” He decided.

Very well. Engaging mass effect core.

Chapter Text

The doors to the shuttle had been opened as we were safe and the shaking stopped. We all got out. I was so incredibly pissed and I felt determined to finally settle this right now.

The Illusive man knowingly fucking us over was one thing. He would feel my wrath for almost killing all of us. But that wasn’t what made me this angry. It was the fact that the one person I really didn’t want to die at all had acted like his head was buried so far up his own ass that he couldn’t see straight. That infuriated me.

“Garrus!” I called out after him and got no response.

What enraged me even more, was that he was quickly walking away from me to the elevator. Oh, fuck no. Not this time. He wouldn’t leave until he got what was coming to him. It wasn’t like he would talk to me alone. He was always busy with his fucking calibrations or his door was always locked. So if he wanted to do this with an audience, I would happily provide. Commander-mode and all, bystanders be damned.

Garrus had reached the elevator and had already managed to push the button to call it down. Thanking the fact that the elevators were slow as hell, I caught up with him and pushed him hard. Cybernetics had made me stronger, because he almost stumbled as it happened. It made him quickly turn around to face me and the look on my face must have kept him from saying anything at all.

“Stop walking away from me!” I demanded furiously.

My anger seemed to surprise him a little and I had no idea why it would. It was pretty obvious that I was angry, but I don’t think he knew exactly why I was angry. I bet my freak-scars glowed with the anger I felt and Garrus eyeing me nervously because of my anger didn’t do anything to make it fade away this time.

He wasn’t allowed to act like the idiot he was acting like right now. He had almost died once and however much he didn’t want anything to do with me didn’t change the fact that I still cared about him. Maybe I wasn’t his best friend anymore, but he was my best friend. The last thing I needed was for him to die.

So I went right up to his face and went on the angriest rant I’d gone on in a long time.

“You can ignore and turn me away as much as you want on this ship if you feel that’s necessary. You can do your fucking calibrations all night long, for all I care. But out in the field, you keep your eyes peeled and you make sure you don’t die. I don’t know what your problem with me is. I don’t know what the fuck I ever did to you, and you won’t talk to me anymore, so I guess I’ll never know.

“But as much as it hurts me, it’s fine. I don’t hate you. I still care about you. You’re one of the very few people I trust. I don’t want to see you die. But if your mind’s gonna wander off so much that you put yourself or our squad in danger, then you either tell me what’s wrong so I can either help, or fix whatever it is that I did to you, or I bench you until your head’s completely pulled out of your ass.”

Then I got in the elevator that he had called down for himself and stared him down furiously as I pushed the button for the second floor. I don’t think he dared to enter and that was fine. He definitely didn’t dare to say anything as he eyed me back with an unreadable look on his face, and that was fine, too. If this was what it took for him to not be an idiot, then that felt like the best idea right now.

I didn’t want him in here with me right now and I certainly didn’t want any lip service from him. Oh, he could try if he wanted to, and I bet my eyes told him a story of exactly what would happen to him if he just dared to give me backtalk. I was sure I could end up punching him in the face for almost dying again. Right on the nose, too, so he really felt it. Luckily for him, the doors closed and broke my stare into his eyes before anything happened at all.

There was another man that also needed my wrath for fucking us over and Joker told me he was available in the comm room for a little conversation. I wasted no time heading into this room and this fucker got the same furious stare as he popped up in front of me with his little cancer stick nestled between his fingers.

“Shepard, looks like EDI extracted some interesting data before the Collector ship came back online.” The Illusive Man noted.

“EDI told us the distress call originated from the Collectors. I expected that. What I didn’t expect was for you to already know that. You betrayed us. Why the fuck am I not surprised that would happen?” I asked rhetorically.

He took a drag of his cigarette. “We’re at war. The Collectors are taking humans, and every minute we waste is one more we give the enemy to prepare.”

“You don’t say? I already know the stakes. But I thought we were on the same side. You spend billions to bring me back to life, and you sure seem eager to have me killed.” I pointed out to him.

“Without that information, we don’t reach the Collector homeworld. And you and every other human may as well be dead. It was a trap… but I was confident in your abilities. And don’t forget EDI. The Collectors couldn’t have anticipated her.” He pointed out back at me.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this plan?” I demanded.

“I needed the Collectors to believe they had the upper hand. Telling you could’ve tipped them off in any number of ways. Besides, I wouldn’t have sent you in if I didn’t think you could succeed.” He explained.

He risked our lives to make sure the Collectors wouldn’t think that we already knew this was a trap. I hated giving this man any form of credit. It felt wrong on so many levels. But as much as I felt that way, I could understand why he did what he had done. It gave us an upper hand that we didn’t even know we had. Thinking that was smart, was probably more fucked up than I would have liked to admit.

But this wouldn’t happen again. Not in a million fucking years. First of all, it resulted in me almost not bringing any heavy weapons with me. This ship had been badly damaged, according to him. I was lucky I actually felt this mission would go wrong in some way – everything seemed to go wrong anyway. But most importantly, my best friend had almost died. Again. His own fucking fault for being an idiot, but he had still almost died.

And even if the ruthless calculus of war showed that you sometimes had to make tough choices like that, there were almost always alternatives. I noted that this was the second time he had been willing to sacrifice innocents to gain information. Horizon was the first. He drew the Collectors there on purpose by namedropping me. And now the Collector ship. What would be the next?

“I don’t risk people like that. There’s always alternatives.” I decided.

“You may not like being on the receiving end – neither would I – but the facts are with me. As much as we try to avoid them, these decisions need to be made. But more importantly… it paid off. EDI confirmed our suspicions.” The Illusive Man answered.

He took a long drag of his little cancer stick and I was stuck waiting for his answer as he breathed in the smoke and exhaled it out again. We went there to figure out how they navigated through the Omega 4 relay. My suspicion was some sort of advanced IFF. I believe he also thought the same. Getting that confirmed was important information.

“The Reapers and Collector ships use an advanced IFF system that the relays recognize. All we need to do is get our hands on one of those IFFs.” He confirmed.

“I’m guessing you have a plan to sort that out.” I half-asked and half-stated.

“We have a science team working on a derelict Reaper right now. I need you to go and pick up its IFF.” He answered.

That sounded like a bad idea right away, but I recognized it would be the only way to get one. Boarding a Reaper, though. Damaged or not, that didn’t sit right with me at all. Even if it was damaged, the indoctrination part of this quickly came into my mind and worried me. Would it still affect us? If we were quick enough, then maybe not? That risk was a dangerous one.

“Where did you find a derelict Reaper?” I asked curiously.

“An Alliance science team recently determined that the ‘Great Rift’ on the planet Klendagon is actually an impact crater from a mass accelerator weapon. A very old mass accelerator. I sent a team to kind either the weapon or its target. They found both. The weapon was defunct, but it helped us plot the flight path of the intended target – a 37 million year old derelict Reaper. We found it damaged and trapped in the gravity of a brown dwarf.” He explained.

“I saw what Sovereign did to the Citadel fleet with my own two eyes. It’s hard to imagine that anything could stop something that powerful.” I pointed out to him.

“This vessel is a relic from a battle waged while mammals took their first steps on Earth. There’s no trace of the species that took the shot. Perhaps it was their one moment of defiance before being wiped out.” He suggested and I understood he didn’t know himself.

“Why do I get the feeling this isn’t going to be a simple ‘swing by and pick up our package’ kind of thing?” I wondered, just because everything seemed to go wrong with these missions.

“We lost contact with Doctor Chandana’s team shortly after they boarded. Initial reconnaissance revealed no clues, and it was too risky to commit more resources – but now we need that IFF. I’ll forward the coordinates to Joker.” He answered and pushed a button on his console.

Lost contact. Yeah. Of course something went wrong. Why wouldn’t they? A damaged Reaper was still a Reaper. This seemed dangerous and like a bad idea. Something definitely had gone wrong and I didn’t feel too keen to learn what that was. But he was right. We needed that IFF and would have to board that Reaper at some point in time.

A thought came to mind. It seemed like it would be go get that and then head straight for the Omega 4 relay. We had our way forward, but if that was the case, then I needed to think carefully about this.

“In the meantime… I suggest you tell your crew I didn’t risk their lives unnecessarily. It will make things easier going forward.” The Illusive Man added and cut the comms.

Asshole. Damn it. I agreed with him. It was one of those ruthless risks he had put us through that I wanted to avoid, but at the same time, I understood why he had done it. I hated giving this man any credit. I sure as hell didn’t trust him at all. I was just waiting for the moment he would fuck us over.

But right now, I needed to focus on the present. So still in armor, I called for a meeting with Miranda, Jacob and Mordin. Why Mordin? Because I needed him there. He was a smart guy. He was level-headed. He would be able to give his thoughts on what had happened and I could see if I thought I was crazy or not for thinking that this hadn’t been completely wrong of the Illusive Man to do.

As they all arrived in the comm room, I retold what had happened, what I’d learned, and what we needed to do going forward. I felt a little calmer as I did and I ended up eagerly awaiting everyone’s thoughts. Except for Jacob’s, if I had to be honest with myself. I didn’t think he would bring anything other than just pure emotion to the table.

“So the Illusive Man didn’t sell us out. Could’ve fooled me.” Jacob pointed out sourly.

“Lied to us. Used us. Needed access to the Collector data banks. Necessary risk.” Mordin added.

Mordin and I had the same thought and that’s when I knew that the risk was a necessary one. I calmed down a little more. I still didn’t like it, but I saw that it had been a plan that was needed. Ruthless, yet right.

“Yeah. I don’t like it, but there really wasn’t any other choice, was there? Let’s just hope this IFF works.” I agreed and sighed.

My analysis is accurate, Mika. I have also determined the approximate location of the Collector homeworld based on navigational data from their vessel.

I chuckled at EDI’s snarky first sentence. I never doubted her analysis of this situation. It was more the fact that I necessarily didn’t want to head into the Reaper itself. Then the galaxy map suddenly popped up and it centered itself on the very center of the galaxy. Everyone looked at it in awe, myself included.

“That can’t be right.” Miranda noted.

“No, that has to be right. The Collector homeworld is located somewhere in the galactic core.” I answered and sighed again.

“Can’t be. The core is just black holes and exploding suns. There are no habitable planets there.” Jacob challenged.

“Could be an artificial construction. Space station protected by powerful mass effect fields and radiation shields.” Mordin noted thoughtfully and I nodded and hummed my agreement as he did.

“Even the Collectors don’t have that kind of technology.” Miranda challenged him.

“No, but Sovereign did. No wonder nobody’s ever returned from a trip through the Omega 4 mass relay.” I answered firmly.

The logical conclusion is that a small safe zone exists on the far side of the relay. A region where ships can survive. Standard relay transit protocols would not allow safe transport. Drift of several thousand kilometers is common, and would be fatal in the galactic core. The Reaper IFF must trigger the relay to use more advanced, encrypted protocols.

And that explanation made even more sense and it sounded like this IFF would take us right there. Shit. We were actually closer to be able to go through the Omega 4 relay than I thought we would be. We could go right now and get this done with, if we wanted to. Were we ready for that?

Thinking back to the conversation I had with the Illusive Man after Horizon, he seemed firm when he said that we should focus on team-building and getting everyone’s resolve up to a point where they had a better chance of surviving. This was a potential one-way trip. My squad needed to be ready to give their lives up to be able to have a chance to survive.

People seemed to want to finish unfinished business. I had already helped Zaeed and Jacob with theirs. We also had two more people we needed to pick up, and I suspected there was a lot more unfinished business that would pop up going forward. Things that had to be resolved before people would feel ready. And I bet a lot of it would have something to do with family.

Unlike tracking Saren, where time was important and of the essence, this I needed to spend more time on before we went after the IFF. Make sure people were rested. Have a few parties, even. Give everyone the closure they needed. Basically make sure everyone was up for the challenge a suicide mission was going to throw at them. Maybe even get some unfinished business solved for myself, if there was time for that.

Logical conclusion? We weren’t ready for this at all.

“We have our way in but we’re not ready. Not by a long shot.” I stated firmly.

“Sooner or later we need that IFF. I say, why wait?” Jacob countered.

“Because we’re missing two dossiers and we don’t want to die right away?” I challenged.

“It’s a derelict Reaper. What if the Collectors are waiting for us? I’m with Shepard. We need to build up our team before we take that kind of risk.” Miranda said and agreed with me.

“Exactly. That’s why we need to prepare as well as we can. Maybe even have some fun before we maybe die. This meeting is over. Joker, is the Citadel or Illium closest to us?” I decided and asked.

“Uh… Citadel. One day trip.” He answered after checking.

“Then take us there. We desperately need supplies. We’ll head for Illium right after.” I commanded.

“No problem, Shepard.” He answered.

For once I was the one who exited first and I took the elevator straight up to my loft. My weapons and armor got a good clean before I hopped in the shower and spent some time in there. As they often did in the shower, my thoughts started to race as I scrubbed away the tension I felt. While I had calmed down from the initial anger I felt right after EDI jumped us to safety, I was still angry. But I had calmed down enough to be able to think about why I felt this way.

I quickly concluded that the anger didn’t come from anything other than just worry. Yeah, Garrus had thrown us all off by not doing what he was supposed to do. While we couldn’t have bad days with what we were doing, I really didn’t care about that. So he had a bad day. That was the first one I had ever seen him have. He would normally work like a damned dream. That he fucked up in that way didn’t anger me.

What angered, or rather worried me, was that he almost died again. He had acted like an idiot out in the field. He got hit by a biotic shockwave. His shields were down and another well-placed shot would have killed him. I had to go between him and another shockwave and the assuming control-Collector so he didn’t die. It blasted away my own shields and put me in danger, but it was what I needed to do so he wouldn’t die. Asking what the fuck he was doing took care of the rest. After that, he was back in his game and even kicked it up a notch.

Was he getting tired? I did bring him along for every single mission I went on, just like old times. While my energy levels were like I was a teenager again, I had help from machinery and nano bots. He didn’t. If he needed some time to recover, then I would prefer it if he just told me straight up. I could work with other people, even if I preferred working with him.

Did he want to leave? As much as it hurt to think about that, he could if he wanted to. But if he did, I would prefer it if he just told me. He didn’t owe me anything. I didn’t save his life as a favor. I only did it because I wanted him to live. I cared about him. I still had feelings for him, even if he did what he could to push me away. It was as simple as that. Felt stupid to continue to linger on this, but what the fuck could I do? My whole being wanted him and I wanted to bring it up all the time.

I ended up in the armchair by my bed with a datapad after my shower. Sleepwear. Shorts and a loose crop top, knees up to my chest. My plan was to continue with my language learning, but that wouldn’t happen right now. My focus was completely ruined. I ended up sitting there and just stared blankly out to the other side of the room as my thoughts stewed more and more from the building frustration of not knowing what was going on, and not getting any answers.

At one point, a miracle unfolded right in front of my eyes. Garrus actually suddenly stood there in my doorway. His hand was up like he was about to knock, but the door had opened before it could. He seemed surprised by this. Why? Of course it did. I had given him the same privilege to my loft as I had. He wore his undersuit and he looked both nervous and ashamed as he walked down the steps and ended up standing right in front of me.

“Mika.” He carefully greeted.

I didn’t say anything while I eyed him with a blank expression. I was a little too stunned about actually seeing him in my room. Other than that, I didn’t want to assume what he came here to talk about. It could just be about him fucking up. My hope was that it was something else. As he understood I was waiting for him to speak, he started to do just that.

“I, uh. I’m sorry. I fucked up badly in the mission we had today.” He apologized.

“I honestly don’t care about that.” I answered after a few seconds.

“You should. I put the whole team in danger, and-” He started to explain, and that’s when I had enough.

“Stop.”

Apologizing for fucking up was fine, but I really didn’t need an apology for that. He had fucked up, but he focused as soon as I told him to. That was the last of my issues with what was going on between us right now. So I cut him off and stood up. I was done. I needed something from him to not go completely insane. Some explanation of what was going on. Anything. Because I was desperate and had no way of getting answers on my own.

“I’m done playing around with this. Two years ago you were my best friend. I still consider you my best friend to this day. You’ve been alive for the past two years, but I haven’t. The whole time-concept is difficult for me to grasp at times. Things change, and I-” I started to explain and this time Garrus cut me off.

“No. Nothing’s changed in that regard. I still consider you my best friend.” He firmly said.

Really? That was very difficult to believe when he worked so hard to stay away from me. What was his problem with me? Was it my looks? Was I a freak to him now? Did he find me disgusting to be around? Was that it?

“Then what’s wrong? Is it the fact that I’m a freak now? Full of trinkets and machinery, like Saren once was?” I asked and he seemed offended that I would even suggest such a thing.

“Of course not! You’re still you, even with the extra parts. You’re not a freak.” He assured me sternly.

Then what was it? I thought turians valued directness and honesty. That I had to drag the information and guess what was wrong irritated me, but this was the first conversation we were having that didn’t consist of any mission-related topics since we had dinner. I wasn’t going to yell at him for finally coming up to talk to me.

Something was bothering him, though, and I decided to play his game to figure it out. Thinking back, I suddenly remembered what he said on Omega. His feelings got in the way of a job. On the Collector ship he muttered out that he thought he had experienced the betrayal of a lifetime. He hadn’t actually told me what happened on Omega. Did it have something to do with that?

“Is it what happened on Omega that’s been bothering you?” I asked carefully.

He looked away for a few seconds and his expression seemed to change to a sadder one as they rested on a point behind me. Wasn’t too sure what he was looking at and I wasn’t too sure if I even cared. I needed an answer so I could help him and I waited patiently for that answer.

“Yes.” He confirmed and met my eyes again.

I took a step closer to him. “Listen, I want to help you because you’re my best friend. But to be able to do that, I need you to talk to me and not push me away whenever I try. Cerberus might have brought me back to life, but they didn’t give me the ability to read minds. Please just tell me what’s wrong.”

I realized that I had begged Garrus to tell me what was wrong. He heard it, too, but I didn’t care. I rarely begged for anything, but for him? Yeah, I would stoop to that level. He locked his piercing blue eyes with mine and seemed to spend time considering if he wanted to tell me, or not. In the end he took a deep breath and nodded to himself or me, I wasn’t too sure.

“I got my own squad killed.” He said silently.

That was a depressing way to start this conversation. He clearly blamed himself for what had happened. While I didn’t believe this was his fault, I wouldn’t play moral high ground with him this time. I needed him to tell me what had happened and I would let him talk freely. It felt like that was what he needed to do, too.

But I wanted to ease into it. This was painful to talk about for him. I could sense that. Maybe talking a little about them first would feel a little easier. Besides, I was a curious bastard myself. I wanted to know more about what he actually did there, even if I already had a lot of information about it. Wanted it directly from the Archangel himself, though.

“What did you actually do? It didn’t sound like you were available for hire.” I asked him curiously.

“You saw Omega. It was full of thugs kicking the helpless. I formed my team to kick back. We weren’t mercenaries. At least, nobody was paying us. We made money by taking down slavers, pirates, or gangs that went too far. We didn’t shake anyone down. No civilian casualties. That was our rule. Every member of my team had lost someone to Omega’s gangs. We weren’t out to get rich. We were out to make those bastards think twice before murdering someone in the street.” He explained calmly.

Yes, his vigilante streak. Some would maybe just say that they sounded like any regular old gang, but I saw the difference. His squad only went after other gangs to make sure they stopped bothering innocents. That was the only thing they did. Police work, like he did in C-Sec, only directly and without any red tape to hold him back. Archangel really was a fitting name, considering how fucked up Omega seemed to be.

“It doesn’t sound like you made any friends with the other gangs.” I said with a small smile.

He chuckled. “I got three separate merc bands to work together to take me down. My manager at C-Sec would be impressed. It was simple. We’d hit their shipments, disrupt activities. Get under their skin. Make them angry. They’d come charging right into our well-prepared kill-zone. Crossfire and snipers, clean and surgical. They never stood a chance.”

Garrus ended on a smile and I smiled back as the sentence ended. Strategic and tactical, indeed. No wonder he was one of the dossiers I had to pick up. I really admired what he tried to do. He went to what seemed to be the most lawless place in the galaxy and tried to make it safe on his own.

“Why Omega, though?” I still had to ask to see if I was right.

“Omega was filled with criminals nobody else could touch, and there was no red tape to slow me down. It was a perfect fit. People there needed someone to believe in. Someone to stand up to the local thugs.” He explained.

Yeah. I didn’t really need to ask why he chose Omega when I already knew the answer to that myself. It really was the perfect place for vigilantism, I had to admit that. I didn’t see any police or security there. Aria’s hired goons didn’t count in my books. Now I felt curious about his squad. I counted ten bodies. They had to be eleven, including him. It was sad that they had died but I wanted to know about them.

“How’d you end up with a squad?” I asked.

He smiled at me. “Not too different from how you formed you squad to fight Saren, actually. You prove that you get things done, and people join up. Mercs who wanted to atone. Security consultants tired of playing by the rules. I gave them hope. And now they’re dead. Shows what I know.”

Pulled inspiration from me, huh? I was flattered and thought he did a good job. I hated that he sounded so incredibly sad with the last two sentences. He was being too hard on himself. I touched his arm and rubbed it soothingly and saw him smile back sadly to me. He didn’t need my words right now. He needed me to listen and be there for him while he told what was clearly a painful story.

“Tell me about them.” I said softly.

“There were twelve of us, including me. Former military operatives, C-Sec agents, the usual. Had a salarian explosives expert. Pretty sure he’d spent time in the Special Tasks Group. My tech expert was a batarian, believe it or not. Not the friendliest guy, but he could hack any system ever built.” Garrus explained with a smile.

Twelve? But I had seen ten bodies, not eleven. A chill went down my spine as I started to suspect what had happened. Oh, no. He had used the word ‘betrayal’ on the Collector ship. But hearing it said out loud would be incredibly heartbreaking if it was true, especially when I heard him talk so warmly about the people in his squad.

Because this actually was heartwarming to listen to, and it made me smile. He really cared about them, didn’t he? He had spent two years building a team. I bet he knew everything about them, just like I tried to learn everything about the people I worked with. And they were dead from what he perceived to be something he had done wrong. I understood this was incredibly painful for him and it broke my heart.

I was ready to ask the difficult question and I was sure he could sense that it was coming. I took a deep breath before asking and prepared myself to hear the word ‘betrayal’ get spoken back to me. The pieces were all there and I was almost sure what had happened now. I just needed the confirmation to be certain.

“How did those gangs take down your team?” I finally asked.

Garrus took a deep breath before he answered me and his tone became sour and more and more laced with hatred as he spoke. “It was my own damn fault. One of my people betrayed me. A turian named Sidonis. He drew me away just before the mercs attacked my squad, then he disappeared. Everyone except me is dead because of him. And because I didn’t see it coming.”

The self-hatred in his voice was difficult to listen to. He didn’t deserve to think of himself in that way. But as a commander of my own squad, I think I would do the very same thing. Blame myself if someone betrayed me and the rest of my squad. It showed that he really cared. It also showed that he trusted Sidonis enough to not expect it at all, and that’s what he thought was his mistake.

But even if you did everything right, there just were some things that you couldn’t control. I’d showed him that on the original Normandy with Doctor Saleon. I wouldn’t spend time reminding him of that, though. Retelling this was painful enough for him. I didn’t need to add to it by being on a high horse right now. But I wanted to clarify if I understood what he had said.

“Are you saying that Sidonis drew you out to another location so the mercs could take down your squad?” I asked.

“Yes.” He answered and nodded.

The obvious and hopeful question came to mind first. Even if I knew Garrus already had made sure this wasn’t the case, I couldn’t help myself. I still asked to be completely sure.

“And are you sure it was a betrayal? Maybe they took Sidonis out first.” I asked.

“No. I’ve put out feelers with some old contacts. He booked transportation off Omega just before the attack. He also cleared out his private accounts before he left. He sold me out and ran.” He answered and sounded angry again.

Like I said, I already knew he had made sure this wasn’t the case. Why wouldn’t he? This man was smart, tactical, strategic, he was thorough, and he was a great leader with great ideas. But still, realizing that he was right made my heart ache for him. He wanted to do something good with the state of the galaxy. No, he was doing something good with the state of the galaxy. He tried doing what he could with the resources he had. He did a good job, too.

And then he got burned in the worst way possible. A person he trusted to never betray him had done just that. I hated that he had to experience that and I now knew what his plan was. It was the only one that made sense. Find Sidonis. If he wanted my help, I would freely offer it up with a smile.

“Do you know where Sidonis is now?” I asked curiously.

“I have some feelers out for him. One is very promising. I’m just waiting for the feedback at this point.” Garrus explained.

This was the moment of truth and I took a deep breath before I asked. “Do you want me to help you with this?”

“Yes. I do. I trust you, Mika. Don’t ever think that I don’t.” He answered right away with no hesitation whatsoever.

“Then you just let me know, Garrus. I’ll move a fucking mountain if it means giving you some closure regarding this. We’re heading to the Citadel for supplies. If we need to move, then just tell me.” I answered just as confidently.

“Thank you. I’ll head back down. I need to monitor for replies.” He said.

“No problem. Just message me or come up here when we need to move.” I assured him again and then he left.

I let out a breath I apparently was holding. While this was incredibly sad to hear about, I actually felt a little relieved. We had talked and the topic didn’t revolve around mission-related stuff at all. He told me that he still saw me as his best friend, but there certainly had been a reason for him isolating himself from people.

And no wonder he hadn’t been in the mood to talk. No wonder he had been so out of touch from the mission we went on today. He was consumed by finding Sidonis and the thought of getting some closure. I completely understood that, especially when he told me what had happened. I could feel sad that he hadn’t told me about this before now, but I didn’t. I understood why he hadn’t.

Though I wondered what that closure he wanted meant in practice. He hadn’t said anything about that. I had some thoughts about what it could be and they weren’t pleasant at all. He wanted my help with this. What kind of help did he actually want? What kind of help would he actually need? I guess that remained to be seen.

Chapter Text

While we were travelling to the Citadel, I spent most of my time pretending to be writing mission reports. This probably made me a bad C.O., but I didn’t really care. Miranda already reported to the Illusive Man on our progress. I decided that they didn’t need my input, too. She was thorough enough to do it on her own.

What I did spend time doing, was something I actually thought would be useful. Detailing what we knew about the Collectors. Things that were in their data banks, the fact that the Collectors used to be Protheans – everything we knew about them. And that unfortunately wasn’t a lot at all.

I wished I had a visor, just because pictures or recordings of the Collectors would be very valuable. The only thing I had were my own words and reports of what we had seen. Hearsay. People seemed to be begging for concrete proof of everything, which was the one thing I never had when we went after the Reapers. Not that I didn’t understand – I rationally knew how important that was myself – and I had the perfect opportunity to spend time detailing things now.

We were due to dock in about an hour. Someone suddenly and rather frantically entered my room behind me. It was so sudden that it actually scared me. I jumped and quickly spun around and was met by Garrus. He looked tense, excited and eager, all at the same time.

“Hey, Garrus. What’s up?” I asked after calming myself down.

“Mika, I’ve finally got something. I need your help.” He answered after spending a few seconds calming down.

I already knew what this was about and yet I still asked as if I didn’t. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve got a solid lead on Sidonis. There’s a specialist on the Citadel; name’s Fade. He’s an expert at helping people disappear. Sidonis was seen with him.” He explained while pacing back and forth, clearly not able to calm down.

“That’s perfect. We’re docking at the Citadel in an hour. We’ll go meet Fade and find out where Sidonis is.” I assured confidently.

Garrus let out a breath in relief that he probably didn’t realize he was holding. Did he really not remember me saying that I would be there for him through this? I told him this yesterday. Of course I would help him. Even if he had been blowing me off, I would still help him. He was my best friend, after all. I would always be there for him.

But while I would, I needed some information about what we would be doing. I had ideas and thoughts about what he wanted to do, and I was at least one of them were right. I just needed him to tell me which one of those ideas that was.

“What are you planning to do when you find Sidonis?” I asked calmly.

The fact that Garrus immediately looked away from me told me that my suspicions were correct. We weren’t just going to find Sidonis, were we?. This was a revenge mission, wasn’t it? He knew my stances on those, even if he had seen me kill Finch. I still knew me killing him was hypocritical. But I hoped he knew that killing Sidonis wouldn’t make it feel any better. It definitely wouldn’t make his squad dying feel better, either.

“You humans have a saying: ‘an eye for an eye.’ A life for a life. He owes me ten lives, and I plan to collect.” He answered as he moved his eyes back to mine.

There was this darkness that washed over his eyes as he said this. So determined and so dark, focused beyond belief. Intriguing in its own way. While this was the very wrong place to think about things like this, it actually turned me on. But I shoveled those thoughts to the back of my mind and focused on what he had said.

“Are you sure you wanna play it like that?” I asked and aimlessly hoped he’d say ‘no.’

“I’m sure. I don’t need you to agree with me, but I’d like your help.” He answered with no hesitation.

I took a deep breath. I’d promised him I’d see this to the end with him and I would honor that promise. As much as I didn’t like how he wanted to play it out, I would be there for him. He had been there for me through a lot of tough times two years ago. He had even stopped me from taking revenge on Elanos Haliat. This time it was my turn to help him.

I wanted to see if I could change his mind, just because I had a lot of experience with cold-blooded murder. I honestly didn’t want him to experience those difficult feelings. Not something I thought about a lot anymore, I had put it behind me for the most part, but it still was something I wanted to spare him from. Besides, while the bible had some good morals to live by, I didn’t think ‘an eye for an eye’ was one of those.

With that said, I hadn’t been with him on Omega. I wasn’t a part of what happened there. If he could live with the mixed and uncomfortable feelings killing someone in cold blood would give him, then I couldn’t really stop him, could I? What I could do then was support him. Show that I was there for him and that I understood what it felt like after it was done.

Huh. Maybe there had been another reason for him asking me about this, besides the fact that he just trusted me and saw me as his best friend. Killing people was my job for seven years. I could easily direct him to a good spot where he could be hidden as he sniped Sidonis from a distance. I could give him advice on how to do it. Pure speculation on my part, and I didn’t know how I felt about that thought. I had to admit that.

I nodded at him. “Of course I’ll help you. Where do we find Fade?”

“I’ve arranged a meeting. We’ll meet him in a warehouse near the Neon Markets, down on Zakera Ward.” He answered.

“I know the place. We’ll go there as soon as we dock.” I said assuredly.

“Thanks, Mika. I appreciate you wanting to help me.” He thanked me with a smile.

His smile was so sweet and warm. Mandibles came down a little from his face and his eyes softened as he did it. ‘Hot’ was the word I would normally use to describe what Garrus looked like, but when he smiled like that, he was just sweet. I loved seeing that and immediately matched it with a smile of my own. It reminded me of the picture I had of him on my nightstand. My heart even beat a little faster and I didn’t care if he heard it or saw it through his visor.

“Anything for you, big guy. You want to bring someone else as backup?” I asked.

Since this was such a personal mission for him and since we would be doing something so uncomfortable, I wanted to give him full control of how it went down. As far as I knew, he hadn’t told anyone else about Sidonis. If he wasn’t comfortable with anyone else being with us, we’d do this alone. We could do this alone. We would probably kick some serious ass doing this alone, and that felt fine.

Garrus thought about it for a few seconds. “No. I only want you with me.”

“All right. Go get ready. I’ll do the same. We’ll meet by the cockpit.” I answered and turned off my terminal.

He walked out of my loft and I was now alone. Fuck, he really wanted cold revenge on this guy. Seeing Garrus this filled with hate was difficult. I’d seen him angry and frustrated a lot of times before, but I’d never seen this kind of hatred before. It was easy to understand why he’d been so consumed by this matter. This was so personal for him and I understood.

I tried to rub the worry out of my forehead as it kept on building inside me, but it was pointless. So many mixed feelings inside. I didn’t like what we were going to do, but I also understood exactly what he was feeling. I’d been through the same before. I just hoped he would realize that revenge didn’t feel as good as he thought it would before it was too late.

That dark determination in him was very attractive, though. I had to admit that. It was like he was focused beyond measure, and I felt myself getting turned on by it. Was he that focused in bed with the people he had been with? Inappropriate thought, but it didn’t really stop me from thinking about it. It was incredibly sexy and a smile quickly worked its way up my face. I needed to push those thoughts out of my mind, though.

I got dressed in my undersuit and my Predator armor, before I smoked up my eyes up and braiding my hair. For weapons I got my usual gear out: my Black Widow and my M-5. I also brought my talon, in case I needed to deal with things up close and personal. By the time I was done, we were already docked at the Citadel. Garrus was waiting for me in his blue C-Sec armor by Joker.

“Joker, I’m ordering a shore leave for 12 hours. We need to stock up on supplies before we continue to Illium. Mind bringing it forward?” I asked Joker as we got ready to head out.

“Sure, Shepard.” Joker answered and started announcing shore leave.

Garrus and I left right away. Just the two of us and it was time to investigate. We hadn’t been out like this for a long time. Just the two of us, that was, and it felt good. This was a very different kind of setting than getting supplies was, but I didn’t want to get picky now. We were alone and that brought back some good memories.

A thought crossed my mind as we passed security and I decided to run it by him. “Do you think Bailey could tell us more about Fade? Maybe he knows who he is.”

“Wouldn’t hurt checking in with him.” He agreed.

As we walked through the security gates the turian officer gave me another apologetic look. Did he really remember that incident from so long ago? Maybe it was Garrus he recognized and by default recognized me. I think he even muttered out another apology again. I smiled at him before we passed him and strolled up to Bailey’s desk.

“Yes?” He said as he saw me standing in front of him.

“I’m trying to find a local forger. He goes by the name of Fade. Do you know anything about him?” I asked while leaning my arms on his desk.

He leaned forward as well, subconsciously matching my energy. “Yeah, I know of him – the alias, anyway. He’s been a thorn in the Network division’s side for the last year. He works with the Blue Suns.”

Garrus started to fidget right away. “Where can we find him?”

“If I knew that, he’d be in a cell. Best I can do is put you on the trail. There’s a warehouse in the marketplace. Some of Fade’s contacts work out of there. Go ask them some questions. Gently, of course.” He said while smirking at the last sentence.

What, did he think I would ‘make them scream a little’ if I didn’t get any answers right away? Hm. Maybe I actually would. The usually hard limits I wanted to adhere by became a little looser around Garrus, and I would be a liar if I didn’t admit that. Go the extra mile was easier, per se. Kill someone with a close-range shot to the face with a sniper rifle. Kill a mechanic so a ship didn’t get fixed in time.

He brought out a more ruthless side of me and I didn’t necessarily think that was a bad thing. Sometimes you had to go that route to make the best decision for everyone. Like killing Cathka so that gunship didn’t get properly fixed. While it still was flight worthy, it got taken down a lot quicker than it could have been. I also think Garrus liked me being a little ruthless, and while his opinion was secondary, I would also be a liar if I didn’t admit that I appreciated him liking it.

“Why haven’t you been able to catch him?” I asked curiously.

“Whoever he is, he’s damned good at avoiding C-Sec. I think someone on the inside’s feeding him information. Either that, or he’s got access to our databases and comm channels. I don’t know which is worse. But you’re outside C-Sec. Maybe you can nail his ass.” Baily answered while shaking his head, and ended with a smile.

“Well, there are some perks to being a Spectre. Thanks, Bailey. I should go.” I answered with a smile before Garrus and I left for the Zakera Ward.

As we got to the stairs, I could see that the two krogan from my first day back at the Citadel still were here. After all this time, even. I recognized them right away and the fish suddenly entered my mind. I decided I needed to break the bad news to them.

“Hey. I overheard you talking about fish in the lakes some time ago. I talked to one of the groundskeepers. He said there aren’t any fish in the lakes.” I said to the krogans and felt a little disappointed by it myself.

“What?” The first one answered and he sounded genuinely sad about it, too.

“I told you!” The other one said frustrated to the first one.

“Why have all that water if you’re not going to store something to eat in it? I don’t understand aliens at all.” The first krogan said disappointed.

“Thanks for telling him. It’s all he can talk about these days.” The second one said.

Sometimes I didn’t understand aliens either. I smiled and motioned for Garrus to continue on. We quicky made our way to level 26 and over to the warehouse. Tracking down this Fade to find Sidonis made me feel like I was an actual investigator for C-Sec. Just me and my partner playing hide and seek with a man that could hide very well, before he would fade away, per se. Exciting in its own way and I quickly started to play the part.

“Well, we know Fade’s either working with someone on the inside, or that he is or was C-Sec.” I summarized to Garrus as we entered the warehouse.

I didn’t get an answer and I wasn’t really looking for one either. Just summarizing like one would do in those cop-shows on the vids. There was a door in the back of the room and it caught my attention. I looked at Garrus, who nodded to me, and we entered. Inside were two krogan bodyguards who eyed us carefully. Deciding to show strength, I walked towards them confidentially. As we did, a volus suddenly entered in front of us from our left.

Wait a minute. A volus? Was this Fade? This couldn’t be Fade. I would never believe that this was Fade.

“Fade? You’re not quite how I imagined you.” I asked curiously and even tilted my head.

“Looks can be deceiving. So… which one of you wants to disappear?” He asked.

His krogan bodyguards were right behind him and had taken their shotguns out. Trying to intimidate us? Yeah, good luck with that. Me and my partner were perfectly capable to deal with them if we wanted to. They were just goons, though. I bet they would quickly fuck off if we told them to.

“I’d rather see you make someone reappear.” Garrus answered.

“Ah… that’s not the service we provide.” Fade pointed out.

Garrus cocked his head and narrowed his eyes at Fade. That dark determination was back in his eyes. It made him look dangerous and angry and I realized that turned me on again, too. Was there really nothing I didn’t find attractive about him?

“Why don’t you make an exception. Just this once.” He said and pulled out his sidearm.

“Damn it. Quick… shoot them! Shoot them, you lumbering mountains!” Fade demanded to the krogans.

I crossed my arms and stared the krogan down. They looked at each other and eyed us, before they pointed their shotguns towards us. Before they could, I took my M-5 out lightning quick and placed it right up against Fade’s suit-covered head while still staring the krogan down. They weren’t worth the effort and they wouldn’t attack us if it meant that the man who was paying them would die.

“Why don’t you two find somewhere else to skulk?” Garrus suggested to the krogan.

They thought about it. They even looked at us once more, before they decided to take up Garrus’ suggestion with a shrug, and left us alone. We weren’t worth their trouble either. Shit, this made me feel like a total badass. Just me and my partner solving crime, and being cool and collected under pressure.

“Just like that? You’re not getting paid for this! What’s the point of hiring protection if they won’t protect you?” Fade shouted at them.

He was cracking under the pressure. He sounded nervous and I could see he’d started to shake a little. I would, too. We were two big and dangerous people and he was just a small volus. We looked like we meant business and he knew we were perfectly capable of making him talk if we wanted to.

I walked up to Fade and smiled. “We’re looking for someone. A client of yours.”

“Not mine. I’m not Fade. I just work for him. Sort of.” The volus quickly said in a panic.

“Hah! I knew he wasn’t Fade.” I said satisfied as I looked at Garrus and let him take over.

Garrus walked up to the volus and knelt down in front of him, like he was talking to a child. Seeing that almost made me laugh out loud. I realized we were good cop bad cop, just me and my partner trying to gather information about what was going on. He was bad cop. I was good cop. I provided comfort while he provided the pressure.

This was a little too fun for me. I recognized that.

“Well then maybe you’d like to tell us where to find him.” Garrus suggested menacingly and the volus immediately cracked under the pressure.

“Yes. Of course. He’s in the factory district, works out of the old prefab foundry.” He answered nervously.

Garrus turned his head towards me as he stood up. “I know the place.”

“Uh… he’s got a lot of mercs there… Blue Suns. Harkin thinks they’re protecting him.” The volus answered as he paced back and forth nervously.

Wait a minute. Did he say Harkin? His name stood out like a sore thumb immediately and I remembered that asshole very well. He’d propositioned me in Chora’s Den while I was trying to find Garrus on the Citadel. He was a disgusting man.

But it all made sense now, though. He was C-Sec. He was suspended when I’d met him, but this meant he had access to C-Sec’s systems and that he knew how they worked. Harkin was Fade. Fade was Harkin. That was impressive, just because I didn’t think he would be smart enough to be Fade. He proved me wrong, didn’t he?

“How the hell did Harkin end up being Fade?” I asked somewhat shocked.

“Well… he got fired from C-Sec a while back. He used his knowledge of C-Sec and their systems to help a few people disappear. Then he made himself disappear, and Fade was born. So to speak.” The volus answered.

Garrus looked at me. “Interesting, but it changes nothing. We still need to find him before we can get to Sidonis.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing Harkin again.” I said sarcastically.

“I’m sure he’ll be excited to see both of us. We’ll need to get to the transit station. I can get us to him from there.” He said with the same sarcasm and I nodded in agreement.

“So I… I can go?” The volus asked nervously.

“Sure.” Garrus answered and shrugged his shoulders.

He then pulled his pistol out again at the volus. I decided to match his energy this time and pulled my M-5 at the volus as well. Good cop going bad while silently threatening this poor volus. We were only scaring him, though. I knew that. I didn’t feel bad about doing it either.

“But if we don’t find Harkin, we’ll be back for you.” He added.

“Oh. Good.” The volus said and left.

We holstered our weapons and I chuckled at us being total badasses. Like a kid – I realized that myself. But I didn’t care. Doing this was fun and the fun part was that we were investigating this together. Me and my partner in crime. Just like old times and they certainly were the best times.

“Harkin propositioned me at Chora’s Den when I was first looking for you back in the day.” I told Garrus as we made our way to the transit station.

“Yeah, that sounds like him. Did you let him down gently?” He asked back.

“I smiled, put my face in front of his and said something like: I’d rather drink a cup of acid after chewing on a razor blade.” I answered in it earned me a laugh.

As we came upon the transit station and were ready to call a sky card, this mission started to cross my mind more and more. Warehouse and Blue Suns. We would meet trouble. Maybe having a third person wouldn’t be that bad, after all. Not that I didn’t think we could do it on our own, but depending on what we would find, this could get messy. I stopped Garrus for a second.

“You sure you don’t want any more backup?” I asked.

He thought for a moment. “I think we’ll be fine. Don’t you?”

“I don’t doubt us kicking ass, big guy. If you want to do this one solo with me, then we’ll do just that.” I said while giving him a smile.

“Then let’s go.” He answered with a smile and hailed a ride.

The ride didn’t take long at all. That was mostly because Garrus demanded to drive. Apparently me driving the mako still was a fresh memory in his mind. Besides, he knew where we were going. He was a fast and good diver. He probably was a better driver than me, but I would never admit that out loud. I felt totally safe in the sky car with him, even if he’d spent five minutes on a fifteen-minute drive. He was eager to finish this and I understood why.

As Garrus parked, we got out of the car and came upon the factory warehouse in question. Two Blue Suns mercs stood outside and Harkin was pacing between them. He’d seen the car enter the premises but didn’t know who had entered yet. Like an unexpected visit. It made him nervous and seeing him nervous made me happy.

As Harkin saw us and looked us over, his semi-bald head trailed right to my face. His brown eyes widened in surprise, and he even stumbled a little backwards as shock and realization completely overtook him.

“There he is!” I exclaimed with a big smile.

“Shepard?!” Harkin exclaimed in both shock and surprise.

I answered by nodding at him with a smile. Then I pulled out my Black Widow slowly and cocked it ready. Gave him a little scare, and it was working. The man became frantic right away. That also made me very happy.

“Don’t just stand there… stop them. Stop them!” He screamed as he ran into the warehouse.

“Run all you want, Harkin. We’ll find you!” Garrus promised after him.

The fight was over as quickly as it had begun. Garrus and I each scoped out a merc and gave them each a headshot with our rifles. We ran into the warehouse with our weapons ready. It was a standard-looking factory warehouse. Crates lay everywhere, giving both us and the mercs good cover. Some of them where climbable. I smiled when I saw that, as that would give us perfect vantage points.

A crate to our left opened up as we neared them. Two LOKI mechs where in them and that made me a little wary. Did that mean there would be heavy mechs here, too? We ended them with a headshot each, which made them explode right away.

Both Garrus and I had noticed the vantage points. We climbed up them together and ended up with superior position. More LOKI mechs were in front of us. I switched to my M-5 and placed a bullet in each of their heads, so they exploded. It seemed like every enemy was at a good distance from us now and with the height advantage on our side, it made it a lot easier to see what was going on.

Now the Blue Suns were pouring in, though. I switched back to my Black Widow while still being in cover and cocked it. Garrus’ Mantis went off, as he dropped one of them. Not wanting to fall behind, I scoped out another one and dropped it. But he wasn’t counting our headshots today and that was okay. I figured he was too focused on getting this issue solved, so I left it alone.

We continued dropping mercs and LOKI mechs from our vantage point, until Garrus signaled the area was clear after getting some readings from his visor. We continued forward.

“Harkin’s in here somewhere. I can smell him.” Garrus said in a sour tone.

I wondered if he meant that he literally could smell him in here, or if he just sensed him being in here. Him being in here was the only thing that made sense. It felt a little silly to ask, so I decided not to do that.

We were forced to turn right after a while, where more mercs and LOKI mechs were waiting for us. We got on top of a couple of crates and started scoping and dropping mercs. The turian legionnaires could have been harder to take out, because of their shields. But Garrus overloaded them, while I placed headshots into them.

And I didn’t even have to ask him to do it either, just as always. We still worked so well together, that we already knew what the other one was going to do. If a merc came close to us, Garrus would give him a concussive shot, flooring him. I would finish him off with a headshot. If a mech came close to Garrus, I would hack it, making it turn on the enemies and keeping them busy for a while. Or I would sabotage their weapons to either force them to switch or lock them up.

As the area cleared, I smiled to myself and looked at Garrus with admiration. He noticed me looking at him and smiled back at me.

“Shit, we’re good together, aren’t we?” I asked while looking at him and felt myself getting more and more lost in his blue eyes.

“The best.” He answered with what I thought was a sad smile on his face.

I felt myself melt at his words, as a warmness spread throughout my body and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. It was obvious to me that I had actual feelings for him, and I hoped he had them for me, too. But why the sadness from him? I guessed it had to be because of what we were doing. This wasn’t a laughing matter and it was time to get more serious. I placed the thoughts to the back of my head and we continued on forward.

“Let’s get going.” I said assuredly with a smile.

We got to the other side and there was a control for a bridge we needed to lower. Harkin had tried to hack it to make it unavailable to us. What an idiot. I easily undid his meddling with my own hacking and our way forward was clear.

“We’re getting close.” Garrus said and sounded tense.

We ended up at a walkway filled with more crates. I knew there would be a lot more enemies to take care of here. As we started to walk in, a couple of Blue Suns mercs actually entered the area. We dropped them fast with our rifles.

A Blue Suns commander decided to join the battle. His shields were up, and he had some good armor on. This one would be a bit tougher to take out. Garrus immediately overloaded his shields, as I set off an incinerate to his armor. The burning wasn’t enough to take him out, but it did burn him bad.

That’s when the YMIR mech entered the battle and I just knew something like that would happen as soon as I saw the LOKI mechs. Of course it would. This was just our luck, wasn’t it? It was dropped in from the cranes over us. Harkin’s doing, I guessed. We needed the commander out of the way before we could play with the mech.

Garrus had seen it too and decided to drop the commander first. Again, he’d read my mind. He set off a concussive shot, as I placed a headshot to him, killing him instantly.

“Mech’s the only thing in our way for now. Wanna have some fun with it?” He asked with a smirk.

I gave him a smirk back and raised my eyebrows at him once. I went into cloak and rolled out of cover. I ran to the other side of the area behind some cover and decloaked. I cocked my Black Widow and set off an incinerate at the mech. It turned towards me, and I placed a headshot into it just as it did, before ducking into cover. I heard Garrus overloading its shields and placing another headshot into its head. It turned towards him. This was fun.

It had some armor left in it. I set off another incinerate, burning it away. If mechs had feelings, it would’ve been properly annoyed now as it turned towards me, but I’d cloaked myself. I wanted a badass exit for this fight, though I understood myself that I mostly just wanted it to impress Garrus.

My fire burned down its health down to a sliver. I switched my Widow for my M-5 and stood on top of the crate. The mech was focused on the area I’d hidden in, so my position was safe. I ran and jumped into its head while placing a headshot with my M-5 to the head, exactly as I decloaked. The force knocked it off balance, and it started falling backwards.

Just before it hit the floor, I rolled off it and walked casually back to Garrus in his cover. The mech exploded just as I sat down next to him. A smug smile was plastered on my face because that felt like it definitely was a badass exit to the fight.

“Show off…” He muttered to me while giving me an impressed look.

We got up and walked over to a door to our left. Garrus wondered what Harkin was doing out loud and he started to sound more and more tense as he did. Through this door was some sort of control room. I even saw some fake ID’s that I quickly picked up. We entered and noticed a console for the shutter in front of us. To our right was the way forward.

I opened the shutter so we could get a better view of our situation. It wasn’t that difficult to see Harkin on the other side of the room in another control room. He was frantically tapping away at his console and doing what he could to make sure we never reached him.

“Harkin’s finally gone completely bad.” I noted out loud.

“He was always a pain in the ass. But I’m in no mood for his games. If he doesn’t cooperate, I’ll beat him within an inch of his life.” Garrus spat as his mandibles flared.

That intenseness made my worry that he would escalate. “You seem to be getting tense, Garrus.”

He let out a breath he was holding. “Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear. If so, he knows why we’re here and I don’t want him tipping Sidonis off.”

I nodded in understanding to him, but the worry didn’t let up as he explained himself. I completely understood where that explanation came from, but he was so angry. Seemed to be so filled with hatred. So willing to beat the answer out of Harkin, and while that thought didn’t necessarily bother me, I didn’t want him to go too far. He continued scoping the area between Harkin and us. We suddenly saw movement and ducked down into cover.

“Did you see that?” He asked.

“Yeah, I saw something. Looks like more mechs.” I answered.

“He’s getting ready for us.” He answered tensely.

“What are you going to do to Harkin if he won’t cooperate?” I asked directly, as I felt the worry creep up on me again.

My feelings for him aside, seeing my best friend so deep in hatred was extremely difficult to witness. I wanted to be there for him, but I also wanted to make sure he wouldn’t do something he might regret later, or would have to live with for the rest of his life. As much as I didn’t like Harkin myself, killing him wasn’t our goal here.

“He’s a real criminal now. Working for the Blue Suns. I should just shoot him on sight. But I need him alive, so I won’t do any permanent damage. Just enough to loosen his tongue.” He answered.

I relaxed at his statement, as I understood he actually wouldn’t go too far with Harkin. Beating him a little if he immediately didn’t cooperate wasn’t bad. Harkin would survive that. Garrus would enjoy doing that. I had to admit that I would enjoy watching that.

“Whatever it takes, huh?” I answered.

“Exactly. I knew you’d understand.” He answered with a softer look.

“You still planning to kill Sidonis when we find him?” I asked.

Garrus looked up at me with a small and guilty look on his face. “That’s the plan. It’ll be quick and painless. Unlike everyone he betrayed, he’ll be spared the agony of a slow death. It’s more than he deserves, but as long as he’s dead, I’ll be satisfied.”

“Garrus, do you really think killing Sidonis will make things right?” I asked directly.

“I know you don’t like it, Mika, but I have to do this.” He quickly said.

“Is there no other way?” I asked almost a little desperately.

“Maybe… but this is personal. I’ll pull the trigger. And I’ll live with the consequences. All I’m asking is that you help me find him.” He answered me seriously.

There was a ‘maybe’ there that I could work with. Maybe I could find a way to save him from cold-blooded murder and from succumbing to his own hatred. From my own experience, it was forgiveness that was the way to go. And that didn’t mean for the one’s who wronged you, but for yourself. But that didn’t matter right now. Right now, we needed to focus on Harkin.

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.” I said as I nodded.

“Right behind you.” He answered.

As we exited the door to our right, EDI chimed into our comm link.

Mika, I have patched into the warehouse scanners. The crates in the transport carriers overhead are rigged to explode when dropped.

We looked up and saw crates being transported back and forth in the room. This was handy information, because the area was swarmed with both LOKI mechs and Blue Suns. A commander was in superior position above us as well. We would maybe need to use the crates to our advantage. Harkin was also doing his best to intimidate us while we were planning our attack, and that was just rude.

Garrus and I focused on the commander first in the same way we always did. The LOKI mechs were starting to swarm us at some point. I hacked one of them to keep the other ones focused on it. Garrus placed a headshot into one of them, which triggered a chain reaction, making them all explode in turn. That was always so fun to look at.

“Harkin’s going to regret this!” He snarled to himself.

His anger was getting bigger, and his tone was laced with hate again. Difficult to listen to, but right now, he needed to calm down and focus on the mission. While anger was a good motivator, hatred would consume him and keep him unfocused. We were two people. I didn’t need 50% of our team to not be able to fight.

“Just focus on the fight, for now.” I sternly said to him.

Garrus looked at me, took a deep breath and nodded to me. He calmed down a little and continued to work as good as he always did. The area was suddenly clear, so we moved forward. We climbed a couple of crates and that placed us almost right in front of where Harkin had cornered himself. But nothing was ever simple. I should have known that. Because Garrus’ next words also managed to make me nervous.

“Oh, crap. Two heavy mechs incoming!”

One heavy mech was bad enough, but two? Fuck, this was going to be difficult. As if that wasn’t enough, Harkin continued to constantly tease us through the comm. Like Garrus had pointed out earlier, he would really come to regret doing that.

We got in cover at an elevated position and looked at each other nervously, as the mechs started hurling rockets at us. We each started thinking of a plan to ourselves. After a few seconds, we looked at each other simultaneously with apparently the same thought in our mind.

“EDI!” We said in unison.

We had our plan but needed a distraction, and I could tell Garrus didn’t want to ask. I looked at him and nodded in agreement, before I went into cloak and rolled out of cover. I ran to the far right of the room and decloaked just as I got into cover behind some crates. I added a fresh thermal clip to my Black Widow and prayed my shots would line up perfectly today. I took a deep breath and scoped each mech out, placing two quick shots in each of them. They both turned towards me and started heading to the right side of the room.

Garrus scoped out one of the crates above us and shot it down. It landed right between the mechs, taking out their shields and half their armor. Interestingly enough, the mechs still were busy with me. That wasn’t a part of our plan. Garrus needed time to reload his Mantis and this meant that I was in trouble.

I eyed the left side of the room and looked back at Garrus. He understood what I needed from him. He nodded and kept an eye out for me.

“Get into cloak.” He said and I did.

A few seconds later, he yelled ‘now’ as their fire let up for reloading. I rolled and ran to the other side of the room, just barely avoiding their new rounds. I decloaked on the left side and rinsed and repeated. Fresh thermal clip and placed two more quick shots into each of them. They slowly turned around and walked towards the left side.

As before, Garrus scoped out another crate, and dropped it in the middle of the two mechs. It exploded, taking their armor out and halving their lives.

“You got this one, big guy.” I said to Garrus and it earned me a smirk.

I was trapped and couldn’t do anything anyway. He scoped one mech out and shot it in the head. That was enough to kill it. As it exploded, the second mech also went down in what turned out to be a very big explosion. He even slowly popped the heat sink with a smug smile on his face. That one he deserved to feel smug about. That was pretty awesome.

“Show off.” I said teasingly to him.

He shrugged at me and it made me laugh. Then he joined me and off we went to finally talk to Harkin, but not before he raised up the platforms in front of us weirdly. This would make it difficult to reach him. Not impossible, just more tiring. We both sighed in unison as it happened.

“There’s a door on each side of the room he’s in.” Garrus noted after scoping the area with his visor.

“I go left, you go right?” I asked, letting him decide.

“Definitely.” He agreed and rolled some frustration out of his neck.

We split up and I started to climb the platforms on the left side. Two LOKI mechs met me as I got up. I got my M-5 out and gave them each a headshot. I was tired of Harkin’s games now and was more than done with this. I switched my M-5 for my talon and snuck up to the door. It opened without Harkin realizing I was there. I leaned into the doorway sideways and played with my talon between my hands, as I gave Harkin a sadistic smile. As soon as Harkin saw me, he jumped backwards wide-eyed and scared.

“Hey, Harkin.” I said with a sadistic tone but I didn’t move as he ran to the other door, trying to get away from me.

“You were close, but not close enough.” Harkin nervously said.

As it opened, he bumped right into Garrus’ huge frame. He turned around and stared right at his face. Garrus gave him an intense glare, before rifle butting him in the nose. The sound of bones breaking – most likely his nose – was both a little disgusting and very satisfying to listen to. Harkin naturally gripped his face in pain. He didn’t scream. No, he groaned while all resemblance of air left his lungs. That had to hurt. Garrus then grabbed him with his left arm and slammed him against the wall, ending up holding Harkin in place with his right arm across his chest.

I’d never seen Garrus show his strength like that before. It was impressive and intoxicating to look at. I felt myself lick and bite my lower lip in arousal from seeing it, as I silently wondered what it would feel like to be slammed against the wall like that by him. Again, this wasn’t the time to think about that, so I let the thought go as soon as Garrus started speaking. I holstered my knife and walked up slowly towards them. Good cop bad cop was back and it was time to get some answers.

“So, Fade… couldn’t make yourself disappear, huh?” Garrus teased sadistically.

“Come on, Garrus. We can work this out? Whaddaya need?” Harkin asked nervously.

His nose was bleeding and he’d already started bruising up badly under his eyes. That rifle butt really was a hard-hitting one. I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Garrus let Harkin go as he turned away from him. “I’m looking for someone.”

“Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants.” Harkin tried to say smugly.

Did he really think he was in a position to make demands? I smiled and chuckled to myself as I knew that was the very wrong answer to give right now. Garrus thought so, too, because he narrowed his eyes and quickly stepped up to Harkin, who held his hands up nervously. He then kneed Harkin in the groin hard which brought him to the ground while coughing and gagging.

I giggled sadistically as I squatted next to Harkin. “Oof. That’s gotta hurt. You really think you get to make demands here, Harkin?”

Harkin didn’t answer but got back up on his feet after taking a few deep breaths. I did the same and stood there watching him curiously to see how this would continue to play out.

“You helped a friend of mine disappear. I need to find him.” Garrus explained fiercely.

“I might need a little more information than that.” Harkin said nervously while rubbing the back of his neck, wording himself carefully to not get a beating again.

“His name was Sidonis. Turian, came from the-” Garrus answered, but was cut off.

“I know who he is, and I’m not telling you squat.” Harkin spat out, like he had no care for his own well-being at all.

“Harkin… you’re making this a lot harder than it needs to be.” I teased sadistically again.

“Fuck you.” Harkin said staring me right in the eyes.

I cocked an eyebrow and smiled at him. Seeing him getting beat up didn’t make me feel too bad, as long as it didn’t go too far. If he thought he needed more whoop-ass from Garrus, then I would continue to watch with a smile on my face.

“I don’t give out client information. It’s bad for business.” Harkin said to Garrus.

Garrus narrowed his eyes at Harkin again. It looked like Harkin saw something coming as he held his hands up to his face again. He hadn’t learned from the last knee he got. Garrus kneed him in the stomach. The sheer force of the impact brought Harkin right down on his back and he gasped for air. Garrus then placed his right foot on Harkin’s throat.

“You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck!” Garrus spat and added more and more of his weight.

Harkin quickly gave up. “All right! All right! Get off me!”

But Garrus seemed too lost in the rage of the moment because he didn’t let up his hold on Harkin. His breathing quickened as Harkin started choking, and he was about to go too far. I tapped his shoulder to try and make him snap out of it. Fortunately it did. He blinked, looked at me, and stepped off Harkin. Harkin grabbed his throat and coughed a couple of times as he got to his feet.

“Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus?” Harkin stated while nervously looking up at Garrus.

While I didn’t want to give this bastard any credit for anything, he had hit the nail on the head with that statement. I even suspected Garrus knew that, too. I wouldn’t let Harkin know that, though. It was difficult enough to see Garrus this filled with hatred and rage. Him giving Harkin a beating satisfied me in a lot of ways, but almost killing him? That wasn’t the Garrus I knew.

“No, but Sidonis… opened my eyes. Now arrange a meeting.” Garrus demanded a little weirdly and I understood he had been bothered by what Harkin just said.

Harkin got up and looked at the console next to him. Garrus sternly motioned for him to use it. Harkin went up to it with an ‘I’m going’. He sounded defeated, but that didn’t matter since we actually managed to do this. We’d managed to do exactly what we came here to do.

“Yeah, it’s me. There’s a chance your identity may be compromised.” Harkin said in the console.

Garrus took out his pistol – an M-6, I noticed for the first time, just because he never used it – and that made me watch him carefully. It looked like he wasn’t done with Harkin yet. Why the fuck did he need his pistol when he had gotten what he needed?

“That’s why I’m calling. I’m sending an agent. Where do you want to meet?” Harkin continued.

I looked at the M-6 and back up at Garrus. He looked extremely tense, and I figured he was getting ready to actually shoot Harkin. I hoped I was wrong, but still decided to keep close to him to see what he’d do.

“All right. They’ll be there. Don’t worry – I got it covered.” Harkin said and ended the conversation.

He ended up standing there for a few seconds before he just shook his head at his console. Then he walked over to us slowly and gave us a look that was both assuring and nervous as hell.

“It’s all good. He wants to meet you in front of Orbital Lounge. Middle of the day. So, if our business is done, I’ll be going…” He suggested nervously.

Garrus quickly grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him close. “I don’t think so. You’re a criminal now, Harkin.”

“So what… you’re just going to kill me? That’s not your style, Garrus.” Harkin pleaded nervously.

Garrus gave him an intense glare. Again, Harkin was right with this. This wasn’t Garrus at all, and Garrus taking a few deep breaths made me hopeful that he understood the very same thing. He ended up letting Harkin go, but as it turned out, he actually wasn’t done with him.

“Kill you? No. But I don’t mind slowing you down a little.” He answered and pointed his gun to Harkin’s leg.

Knock him out so C-Sec could find him? Sure. But what the actual fuck was he doing? This wasn’t his style either. However much I didn’t like Harkin myself, I had to stop him from going too far. I quickly tilted his gun upwards as he pulled the trigger, making the bullet hit the ceiling instead. The sudden reaction caught Garrus off-guard and he ended up looking at me in shock.

“Garrus, you don’t need to shoot him. He won’t be able to hide from C-Sec now, anyway.” I said with worry plastered all over my face.

He forcefully ripped his hands away from mine in irritation, before he turned to face Harkin. “I guess it’s your lucky day.”

“Yeah, I hope we can do this again real soon.” Harkin answered sarcastically as he waited for us to leave.

I turned around to walk out of the room. As I did, I heard a huge thud and what sounded like more bones breaking. Headbutt? That I could live with. Harkin let out another groan and a couple of unceremonious gasps, before he groaned one final time and went silent completely silent. He was still alive, just knocked out.

“I didn’t shoot him.” Garrus explained to me.

I chuckled. “Come on, let’s move.”

“Sidonis better be there, or I’m coming back to finish the job.” He threatened as we walked out of the warehouse.

I ignored the threat he put out there and brought up my omni-tool instead. Harkin had to be properly dealt with, so I sent his location to Bailey and explained he was Fade. That would take care of him and would make sure that he couldn’t get away from his crimes.

We walked back to our sky car in a tense silence. We got in and drove to where Orbital Lounge was in the same kind of tense silence. The tension in the air was high, and it all boiled down to the fact that Garrus would have his revenge in a few minutes. He parked the car but didn’t immediately go out yet. We had some time before Sidonis would be there and it felt like he had something to say.

“Harkin’s a bloody menace. We shouldn’t have just let him go. He deserved to be punished.” He said to me in a frustrated tone.

“I made sure C-Sec deals with him. You don’t need to worry about him.” I assured him calmly.

“Okay. Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Thanks for helping me out, Mika.” He answered calmer and with a softer look.

I smiled. “Anything for you, Garrus. So, have you thought this through? You know what you’re doing?”

“No. But I’m not turning back now.” He answered honestly.

“It’s not too late. You don’t have to go through with this.” I suggested and hoped we could leave this alone.

He chuckled in frustration. “Who’s going to bring in Sidonis to justice if I don’t? Nobody else knows what he’s done. Nobody else cares. I don’t see any other options.”

Hearing that broke my heart a little. He wasn’t technically wrong. There wasn’t any law enforcement on Omega that could care about this. Why he felt the need to take matters into his own hands… I guess it came from the fact that he was the one in charge of his team. Working as a vigilante for two years maybe also would do this. He was used to taking matters into his own hands. But taking this kind of matter into his own hands was a bad idea.

“What if I talk to him?” I suggested.

“Talk all you want, but it won’t change my mind. I don’t care what his reasons were, he screwed us… he deserves to die.” He answered as he leaned back in his seat.

“Look, I understand what you’re going through, but do you really want to kill him?” I asked concerned.

“What do you know about being betrayed?” He spat back at me.

I understood he was frustrated and that this situation was hurting him, but I couldn’t help it this time. I knew a lot about being betrayed and since he was challenging me about that fact, I gave him my most honest answer.

“I’m guessing more than you’ll ever know. Does my father trying to kill me count? What about people in the gang I grew up in using my body as they pleased? You even met one of them, or did you forget that already?” I spat back.

Garrus softened a little as he understood and remembered I’d been through the same feeling myself, and because he’d overstepped. But I wasn’t done. I needed to give him my final two cents about this. Tell him that killing Sidonis wouldn’t change a damned thing about what happened to his squad.

“I’ve taken the same kind of revenge like you’re about to do now. You even watched me do it. Do you know what happens when you do it? Nothing. The feelings don’t go away. They never do. It doesn’t feel good either. I don’t want you to have this on your conscience like I have.” I told him.

He sat back up and changed into a calmer tone. “I appreciate your concern… but I’m not you.”

He was dead set on doing this, wasn’t he? Succumbing to his own hatred. The worst part was that however much I wanted him to not do this, I completely understood why he wanted this revenge, too. I just didn’t want him to have to go through the mixed and bad feelings killing someone in cold blood would give him.

“No, but this isn’t you, either.” I stated honestly and immediately heard him chuckle sarcastically.

“Really? I’ve always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this…” He said looking forward.

His mandibles flared out from his face while he said this as his anger just continued to intensify itself more and more. Actively trying to calm down, too, as he actually seemed to want to point out why he was doing this to me. He even looked back at me as he did.

“Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves?” He asked rhetorically.

Yeah, I had no good answer to that one. This wasn’t about Sidonis anymore, though. Not to me. This was about saving Garrus from doing something he would struggle with later. But again, this wasn’t really my business at all. I had no right to interfere. A sigh in both disappointment and understanding left me. I knew what he was feeling all too well and there wasn’t anything I could say to change his mind.

“I’m sorry, Mika. Words aren’t going to solve this problem. I need to set up. I can get a clear shot from over there. Does it look like a good spot?” He asked and pointed to a railing.

He actually did want my professional input on where to be, too. I didn’t like providing input on this, but I would for my best friend. My assassin days came back to me as I studied the surroundings for a second. No one else was up here. This seemed more like a maintenance area than an area people hung out in. Yeah, the spot itself was a good one. He could get revealed, though, and it all boiled down to exactly where he ended up standing. Lucky for him, he had unknowingly dressed for the occasion.

“Yes. Just keep yourself away from any harsh light. Put your helmet on, too, in case someone sees you. You’re in the right armor, though. If someone does see you, they would just think you’re C-Sec on officer duty. What do you need me to do?” I answered and asked flatly.

“Keep him talking and don’t get in my way. I’ll let you know when he’s in my sights. Give me a signal so I know you’re ready, and I’ll take the shot. You better go, he’ll be there soon.” He said as he exited the car.

Garrus sent the car down below to where Orbital Lounge was. I took a deep breath as he did. We were really doing this, huh? Killing a man in cold blood for revenge and I was helping him doing it, too. He was dead set on killing Sidonis and my words hadn’t calmed him down, so I thought this was a lost cause right now. Yet I still had that sliver of hope that I could get him to change his mind. I just had no idea how. My best friend didn’t deserve to live with this.

I got out as soon as the sky car parked and walked down the boulevard. We did a comm check and for once I was sorry to say that it sounded good. I heard him loud and clear and he heard me. I could feel his scope on me as he found me. That feeling of being watched. It could have been an uncomfortable feeling, but I knew Garrus never would shoot me.

I walked towards Orbital Lounge and looked around curiously. On a bench looking nervous and fidgety as hell sat a turian with purple clan markings on his face. Purple… I didn’t recognize where his markings were from. At least not right now. Judging by his nervous demeanor, this couldn’t be none other than Sidonis himself. The man that had betrayed Garrus and made sure his team got killed. I automatically didn’t like him for that very reason.

“Alright. That’s him on the bench… wave him over and keep him talking.” Garrus told me.

Sidonis looked at me expectantly as I kept watching him. This was the time for acting and I had to let my feelings go in that moment. Pretend to not let the anger I felt over knowing what that coward did show, and pretend to not let the uncomfortable knowledge over that I would see his head splatter in front of me show. I waved him over to me with a soft smile on my face.

“Let’s get this over with.” Sidonis nervously said as he walked up to me.

“You’re in my shot. Move to the side.” Garrus said.

“This won’t take long at all.” I answered as I moved a little to the side.

Then I wondered what I was supposed to do to keep him from suspecting something was wrong. What exactly did Sidonis expect me to do? I settled on bringing up my omni-tool and pretending to fiddle with it. It didn’t really matter if this was the right or wrong thing to do. I only needed to keep him here long enough for his head to explode in front of me.

“You one of Harkin’s men? I don’t remember seeing you before. I was told Harkin was one of the best. This better not happen again.” Sidonis asked nervously.

“That’s it. Just keep him talking for a few more seconds.” Garrus said in an excited tone.

My heart started to race and luck made sure that there was too much noise around us for Sidonis to hear it. We were talking a couple of seconds here before Garrus effectively would be a cold-blooded murderer. Succumb to his own hatred and revenge. It sounded like he really wanted to do it and he was prepared to live with the consequences of doing this. He never once faltered about doing this, except for when we talked about Harkin. Maybe there was another solution to this.

Thinking back to the revenges I had taken, I knew they felt good there and then. Only then and there, though, because a lot of mixed and difficult feelings would pop up later. You would start to wonder if you were just as bad as the person you had killed. You would start to think that this wasn’t worth it. You would start to dream about what happened. And that shit didn’t really go away. The only thing that had made it better, was when I forgave the people who had wronged me and moved past it. Forgiveness was never for them. Only for myself.

Garrus had said that I could talk all I wanted. He had given me a maybe I could work with. If those were the two tools I had to try and change his mind about this, then I would do my very best to do just that. I would do my very best to change his mind. I would also get in his way, because I knew Garrus would never shoot me. If he still wanted to do it after all the cards were on the table, then I would back down and not stand in his way.

“Listen, Sidonis. I’m here to help you.” I said seriously while staring at him.

He looked back at me like he was going to have a heart attack. “Don’t ever say that name aloud.”

“I’m Garrus’ friend. He wants you dead, but I’m hoping that’s not necessary.” I explained.

“Garrus? Is this some kind of joke…?” He asked me nervously.

I started placing myself right in front of Sidonis to block Garrus’ shot. It was a little manipulative, but if it was what I had to do to give Sidonis a chance to talk, then I would do just that.

“Damn it, Shepard. If he moves, I’m taking the shot!” Garrus growled in the comm link and Sidonis heard that.

“You’re not kidding, are you?” He asked in horror and disbelief.

I shook my head and immediately wished that I was. But no. My best friend was succumbing to revenge and hatred, and I wanted to do what I could to stop it from happening. Sidonis, on the other hand, didn’t seem to understand how serious this situation was.

“Screw this. I’m not sticking around here to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems…” He said as he started to move away from me.

I grabbed his arm and forcefully moved him back to me. “Don’t move.”

“Get off me!” He yelled while pulling his hand towards himself.

“Look, I’m the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head. I suggest you start talking.” I said to him with an intense stare.

“Fuck. Look… I didn’t want to do it… I didn’t have a choice.” He started explaining.

“Everyone has a choice.” Garrus muttered.

“They got to me. Said they’d kill me if I didn’t help. What was I supposed to do?” He explained pleadingly.

“Let me take the shot, Shepard. He’s a damned coward.” Garrus demanded.

I decided to keep Sidonis talking but tried asking what Garrus wanted to know. “That’s it? You were just trying to save your own ass?”

Sidonis started walking to my right. I made sure to keep myself between him and Garrus’ scope and I heard a small growl in frustration enter my ear as I did that. He eventually stopped and leaned on a separation bar.

“I know what I did. I know they died because of me, and I have to live with that. I wake up every night… sick… and sweating. Each of their faces staring at me… accusing me. I’m already a dead man. I don’t sleep. Food has no taste. Some days I just want it to be over.” He explained with a lot of pain in his voice.

He keened out loud and I saw tears welling up in his eyes. I’d seen that once before and the memories of watching that made me swallow down my own emotions building within me. They ran down his face as he told us about what he was going through.

He was suffering from survivor’s guilt, that much was clear. Did I feel bad for him? No. Not at all. I thought he deserved that for betraying his friends and selling them out to save his own life. The only thing that kept me from leaving him alone to die was only because I didn’t want Garrus to struggle with the knowledge of what he had done later.

“Just give me the chance.” Garrus said, but it didn’t sound as sincere as it did before.

I decided to take my chance now and talk directly to Garrus. “You’ve got to let it go, Garrus. He’s already paying for his crime.”

“He hasn’t paid enough. He still has his life…” He countered.

He tried so very hard to sound sincere, but there was hesitation in his voice. I could work with hesitation and I knew this was my cue. I’d done everything I could and it was now time for Garrus to get the control of the situation. I moved away and gave him a clear line of sight to Sidonis. If he killed him, then that was fine. I wouldn’t judge. I would be there for him when he struggled later. Still, I sincerely hoped he didn’t.

“Maybe, but look at him, Garrus. He’s not alive… there’s nothing left to kill.” I added softly.

This was it and I felt myself looking over to where Garrus was. I could see him watching through his scope, though I wasn’t sure if he was looking at me or Sidonis at this point. I’d done everything I could and it was now up to him to decide if he wanted to go through with it. I hoped I’d done enough to make him understand that it wasn’t worth it.

“My men… they deserved better.” Garrus said and his voice even faltered a little as he did.

I nodded at what he said because they really did. But what happened wasn’t his fault. He trusted this man. He knew him for two years. Working with someone for two years would be long enough to trust anyone you lived and worked with. His men did deserve better, but I didn’t think they would want Garrus to live with this. I was about to say something, but Sidonis started to talk before I could.

“Tell Garrus… I guess there’s nothing I can say to make it right…” Sidonis shot in as he looked at me.

No, there wasn’t, and that was the whole clue right there. There wasn’t anything to be done to better the situation. Killing Sidonis wouldn’t help make it better. Tears were openly going down his face. Garrus must have seen it from his scope. I knew killing this man wouldn’t feel right at all, but Garrus still hadn’t decided if he wanted to do it, or not. I waited. Tensely. Felt like hours, but they ended up being only mere seconds.

“Just… go. Tell him to go…” He finally decided after a few seconds of looking at Sidonis.

I nodded in relief as tears welled up in my own eyes. Wow. I had actually done it. Well, no. He had done this all by himself. I just used the two tools he had given me to show him why he didn’t want to do this at all. Added the context he was too blind to see right now to make a good decision. Like any friend would do.

I turned to Sidonis. “He’s giving you a second chance, Sidonis. Don’t waste it.”

He stood up straight and looked behind me, exactly to where Garrus was. “I’ll try, Garrus. I’ll make it up to you, somehow.”

Promises, promises. I wasn’t too sure if there was anything Sidonis actually could do to fix this, but I wasn’t about to argue this now. How exactly did one make up for being responsible of the death of ten? He betrayed Garrus and his men. I wasn’t too sure if there was anything to do to make it better.

“Thank you. For talking to him.” Sidonis said to me and we parted ways after that.

I let out a huge breath and tried to patch in Garrus through the comms. I couldn’t. He had actually cut the comm link to me. Was he angry with me? I could understand it if he was right now. But however much I understood, I wanted to make sure he was all right. That had to be tough, both the decision and actually seeing the asshole in front of him.

Where the fuck would he be? What would I do if I was in his shoes? Get a stiff drink was the answer that quickly came to mind. I decided to head over to Dark Star Lounge that had that turian bartender. Something told me he’d be in there. I headed over quickly, bought a drink for myself and for him, found an empty booth by the entrance, and waited for him to enter.

Not two minutes went by before I saw him almost stomp into Dark Star Lounge. He looked conflicted, and I understood that very well. He scanned the room and saw me looking at him from the booth. As his eyes met mine, I saw him take a deep breath and relax. He walked up to my booth calmly and sat down opposite to me. I didn’t say anything to him but passed the drink I’d ordered for him to him. He took it and downed it in one big swig. I did the same.

“I know you want to talk about this… but I don’t. Not yet.” He said.

I gave him a warm smile because I knew he was bullshitting me. “I know it didn’t go the way you planned, but I think you made the right choice.”

“I’m not so sure…” He admitted while giving me a conflicted look.

I took his hand in mine and that made him look down at it apprehensively. “I understand. I’ll be honest with you. Give it time. The pain doesn’t go away, but time makes it easier to think about. You’ll go from thinking about the betrayal itself and feeling hurt, to remembering them all with a smile. I’m sure that’s what your squad would want you to do, too.”

“Yeah. Maybe that’ll be enough. I just want to know I did the right thing. Not just for me – for my men. They deserved to be avenged. But when Sidonis was in my sights… I just couldn’t do it.” Garrus answered in that same conflicted tone.

“I understand what you mean. The lines between good and evil blur when we’re looking at people we know.” I said while I nodded in understanding.

“Yeah. There was still good in him… I could see it. It’s so much easier to see the world in black and white. Gray... I don't know what to do with gray.” He admitted in the same conflicted tone.

A shiver from his words ran through me as I nodded again in understanding. Wow. That was incredibly poetic. It was a beautiful sentence and perfect in its own way. What surprised me even more, was to hear it come out of his mouth. I actually never expected that in the same way I never expected Ash to recite poetry.

“You’ve just got to go with your instincts on that one.” I answered with a smile.

He furrowed his brow plates as he looked at me with a chuckle. “My instincts are what got me into this mess.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, big guy. I understand you’re in a lot of pain from this. It’s still fresh. But that’s what people you care about, and people who care about you, are for. They help you think straight and see things more clearly when it’s too tough to do so on your own. Don’t hesitate to come to me if you need someone to talk to, or if you just need to hang out. You know I’m always here for you.” I assured him while yet again getting lost in his eyes.

They were so blue, so beautiful and so easy to get lost in. It felt like I was drowning in them. I noticed I’d started running my fingers on his hand lovingly and I was leaning forward towards him over the table.

“I know. Thanks, Mika. For everything.” Garrus answered with a smile.

We actually went shopping after that and bought a ton of turian food. Our time together was silent, but I understood. He needed some time and some space to process what had happened, and I wouldn’t push any talk with him right away. But now that this was solved, it felt like we maybe finally could talk about us. Or the possibility of us.

I badly needed to solve this, because it felt like I was so stuck in time because of it. An unresolved issue. It wasn’t that I expected him to ever agree to this. I fully expected him to say no. But I needed to hear it from his mouth to move on. I could speculate and expect any type of answer as much as I wanted to, but I couldn’t let it go before I actually got an answer from him.

And what if he for some reason actually did agree? What then? Would I just waste that experience because I thought he might say no? That just seemed too stupid. I was done with wondering and hoping, but not daring to ask. Half a year of chasing Vito taught me that. So after I showered and hung around in my loft for a couple of hours, I headed down to the batteries to ask.

I decided to even try to impress him, by turning off my translator. The thought being that I would show him that I understood him after we had talked. I ended up ruffling up my hair in front of the doors to the main batteries, and then I entered with a smile on my face.

Garrus stood by his console – something I was used to seeing him do. My eyes spent a shameless moment on his ass, but moved up to meet his eyes as he glanced behind himself to see who it was.

“Shepard… what can I do for you?” He asked.

Still so strange to hear what he actually sounded like, but I was pleased to see that I understood what he said perfectly. I was very serious about learning the language and spent a lot of time doing so whenever I could. It was usually what I ended up doing when I was supposed to write mission reports. I had gotten far on my own. Talking was a little more difficult, though, so I answered him in English.

“Do you have some time to talk? There’s something I’ve been meaning to bring up.” I asked him.

To my utter surprise, he moved his head back to his console and the words I was so used to hearing came out of his mouth. “Maybe later. I’m busy with some calibrations right now.”

I just ended up standing behind him for a few seconds while working hard to not let the tears I felt in my eyes fall down my face. What the fuck was going on now? Why didn’t he want to talk to me? It apparently wasn’t Sidonis this was about after all, and I was lost. Desperate. I didn’t understand at all. What had I done so wrong that he ended up not wanting to have anything to do with me at all?

I couldn’t answer because that would made me immediately cry. I nodded behind him, which he obviously didn’t see, and then I walked over to the portside observation deck. Kasumi was in there just because this was her room. But what was also in there was a bar. A bar that was currently screaming my name. It was time to do something I rarely did – drown in my own sorrow.

I was done in that moment because I couldn’t take this anymore. I was done being chased out of the main batteries. I was done hearing about calibrations. This would just have to either stay unresolved for eternity, or until we died from either the Collectors or the Reapers. Right now I hoped for the latter, because that would be a lot quicker than eternity.

And still it fucking broke my heart to let this go, because I wanted that man. Letting this go actually was the last thing I wanted to do. But I just couldn’t take the pain anymore.

Kasumi tried to talk to me, but she stopped just when she saw me reach for the strongest bottle we had available. I found a bottle of horosk and that was exactly what was needed today. Efficiency was the name of the game here this time, so I downed as many big gulps of the stuff as I could. It burned just like it did the last time I drank it, both from the spice and the sheer strength of it.

I think I was openly crying as I swallowed it down. My cybernetics and the fact that this was one of the strongest alcohols in our damned galaxy made sure what I wanted happened quickly. I blacked out and probably passed out within a few minutes right after that.

Chapter Text

I woke up the next morning with a wicked headache. The pain was so bad that tears were running down my face involuntarily. How did I get back to my own room? I didn’t remember a damned thing from yesterday. It didn’t matter right now, though. My throat was so dry, my voice barely above a whisper, and I needed something for the pain in my head.

“EDI, are there some pain killers in this room?” I asked out loud.

Top drawer of your desk, Mika. Though I suggest you make your way to the bathroom first.

“And why is that?” I asked her as I got out of bed.

Readings suggest that you are about to vomit.

Just as I got up, an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach made me realize that she was right. I ran to the bathroom and spent time trying to throw up. I hadn’t really eaten too much last night. The horosk had dried up my insides. That made me just end up dry heaving and drooling.

But it helped. I actually felt a little better after that, even if nothing actually came out of me. After downing what felt like a bucket of water from my sink, I started to feel more like myself again.

“Your readings were correct.” I told EDI, giving credit where it was due.

I walked to my desk and swallowed two pills dry. Relief came within mere minutes and surprisingly enough, I felt completely fine right now. Physically, of course. I was still heartbroken about yesterday, but did my best to not think about it. A hint of tiredness still lingered within me, but my rebuild made sure that I actually burned off the effects from blackout drinking very quickly. A perk I actually liked.

We were on our way to Illium right now. We had to pick up Thane and Samara, and I wanted to go see Liara. It seemed more and more like Illium would be the next Omega, in the sense that this would be where a lot of action happened at the same time. This was an asari world, so a lot more classy, of course.

Incoming message from Admiral Steven Hackett, Alliance HQ.

“Commander Shepard. I need to discuss a sensitive matter with you privately.” Hackett’s voice said.

That surprised me a lot. What the hell? I didn’t expect that message from EDI and I certainly didn’t expect to hear from him while I was tied to Cerberus. It really didn’t stop me from feeling curious about what he wanted to talk about, though.

“Just give me a couple of minutes so I don’t look like shit.” I announced to EDI and assumed she let him know.

What I just did was change into a fresh set of clothes and brushed my hair so it didn’t look so wild. That had to be enough. I had screwed myself over by just giving myself a couple of minutes. I could have asked for more so I could take a shower, but what could I do now? Just making sure I didn’t look like shit on the vid meeting was all that I could do.

As I entered the meeting and saw his face, I had a lot of mixed feelings about seeing him. It felt good, on some level. The admiral himself, the one in charge of the 5^th fleet was here. My old handler in the Alliance. We gave each other polite smiles. What made me suspicious was why he was contacting me. I was sure this was a business proposition and I bet it was something that was due to go wrong on some level.

“Commander.” Hackett greeted me curtly.

“Admiral.” I greeted just as curtly right back to him.

“Thank you for your time. I’ll keep this brief. We have a deep-cover operative out in batarian space. Name’s Doctor Amanda Kenson. Dr. Kenson recently reported that she found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion.” He explained.

“Good. So why call me?” I asked confused.

“Just this morning I received word that the batarians arrested her. They’re holding her in a secret prison outpost on terrorism charges.” He told me.

Why did I already know where this was going? I had rescued people from behind enemy lines before. I could do it again. Batarian prison, though. Oof. I rather wouldn’t. But I also felt incredibly bitter about this. Why? Because I had been talking and warning everyone about the Reapers ever since I knew they existed. None took my word for it. People branded me as insane because of it.

Now the Alliance suddenly believed some random woman I had never heard about before and that’s what made me bitter. Very bitter, actually. Though that meant that this woman had some serious proof. So serious that the Alliance would believe it. That was the most important thing here. My bitterness wasn’t. It didn’t stop me from feeling it, though.

“I thought the Alliance denies the Reaper threat. That must be some proof she found.” I bitterly pointed out, unable to help myself.

“Kenson’s team found an artifact in batarian space. She believes it’s a Reaper device, proof that the Reapers are indeed planning to invade. I’ve known her a long time. If she says she has proof, it’s worth checking out.” He explained and courteously ignored my bitter tone.

“What else can you tell me about the operative?” I asked as I needed more information about who I was picking up.

“Amanda is a top scientist and Alliance agent working in batarian space. It’s a deadly assignment, and she’s one of the few up to the challenge. She and I go back pretty far, Commander. I won’t let her rot away in a batarian torture camp.” He answered.

This sounded like it was a personal favor, and not a favor for the Alliance directly. That’s why he was contacting me. Did he honestly think the batarians would see the difference? My name was unfortunately well known at this point, and people knew I was a commander in the Alliance. I guess he could disown me if they discovered me in there.

If that was his plan, then… I had to give it to him. That would be a good plan. He could just say I went rogue and place all the blame on me. Damn. That was genius, even if I thought that was a fucked up thing to do.

What the hell was this woman, anyway? He said scientist, but was she something more than that? Was she more akin to what I was in the military after the Blitz? A legal assassin of some sorts?

“What’s Dr. Kenson actually doing there?” I asked, now curious.

“She’s in deep-cover, Shepard. We talk only when we have to. I’d heard she was investigating a rumor of a Reaper artifact in the system. Her last report said she’d found it.” He answered.

I recognized what Hackett meant by that. He basically told me not to pry, as he would do for my covert missions on Earth with others that wanted to know about what I was doing for them.

“The batarians won’t take kindly to the Alliance breaking into a secret prison.” I pointed out to him.

“This is not an Alliance operation – it’s one person going in alone to save a friend. If it were an official mission, of course the batarians would be upset. You keep this quiet, Shepard, and there’s nothing to worry about.” He told me.

Yeah, and then I could get blamed if things actually went directly to hell. Like they would. Of course they would. Why wouldn’t they? Things always seemed to do around me. But all right. I would do this for Hackett. Build some bridges. Show that I still cared, if that ever was something they were worried about. So I nodded, silently telling him that I would do this for him.

I was already thinking about who I’d bring with me. As much as I didn’t want to bring him, just because being around him hurt, this seemed like it would be dangerous. I would therefore probably bring Garrus. Comfortable with the three-team setup, I also needed someone else who could be good at this. Kasumi popped into my mind right away. She was stealthy and silent, and would excel in this mission.

Hackett broke off my trail of thinking before I could decide. “There’s one more thing. I need you to infiltrate the prison and get her out of there. As a favor to me, I’m asking you to go in alone.”

Did he say alone? Solo infiltration mission? I’d done plenty of those before, so I knew I had the skills to do it. But I didn’t want to this time. A nagging feeling in my stomach kept telling me that this would go straight to hell. Because of that, I wanted someone with me.

“I have a hell of a squad with me. I’m sure they’d help out.” I assured him.

“Kenson is my friend. If the batarians see a squad of armed soldiers, they’ll kill her. I want you to do this alone.” He answered.

But I still didn’t like this one bit. I had a lot of experience with killing batarians. I always hated their bases. They were a bad mixture of too open and too crowded. You would think you had some idea of the layout of where you were, but you wouldn’t. Garrus could give me readings with his visor. Besides, I trusted him to have my back, still if he didn’t care about me anymore. I needed him with me.

“Can’t I at least bring one other person with me as backup? This is risky for me, too, Admiral. Let me bring Garrus with me. He’s got the skill for this kind of mission. He’s discreet, stealthy, a hell of a shot – if things were to go bad – and he can both lead and follow well. I trust him with my life.” I said.

Hackett didn’t falter or say anything, and that told me he was dead set on giving me a no. I knew he wouldn’t give in, but I still tried to push the matter after not getting a response for a few seconds.

“Steven, please. Just Garrus. That’s all I’m asking.” I pleaded with him.

“No, Shepard. You worked with these kinds of missions for many years on your own. You don’t need backup. This is serious. Go in with discretion, or don’t go at all. I also expect you to keep a low profile amongst you squad.” Hackett answered, now sounding annoyed.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and stopped myself from telling him what an idiot he was. This mission screamed wrong. Something would happen and go wrong. There actually was no way this wouldn’t go straight to hell, and I really didn’t feel like dying again. But I never could say no to Hackett. He had saved me from a life of potential crime by letting me join the Alliance. We had worked together closely for seven years.

“Fine. Send the coordinates to Joker. I’ll head right there.” I finally agreed.

Hackett did and then he ended the call. After looking at them myself, I realized I was going to Aratoht in the Viper Nebula. Batarian space. Couldn’t get more batarian than this, actually.

I felt so very frustrated. Even if I worked with covert operations for many years, this had a bigger risk to it than the missions I worked with on Earth. Batarians were known for being ruthless towards their prisoners on a whole other level. While I could easily break her out of prison undetected, it was the aftermath that worried me. I could get in and out undetected. I bet she couldn’t. That’s what I wanted backup for. But no such luck and so I would honor my promise and go in alone.

“Joker, I need you to set a course for Aratoht, but I need us to be far enough away from the planet to not cause any suspicion. Stealth systems engaged.” I said in a sour tone.

“Aratoht? Why are we going to batarian space?” Joker answered.

“Don’t you spy on everyone?” I teased.

“Touché. ETA one hour.” Joker answered.

Wait, what? I said that as a joke, but he told me I was right. Did he really spy on people on this ship? I didn’t know what I felt about that. I guess being in the cockpit could get pretty boring at times. And these were also Cerberus people. If he caught something suspicious, then… by all means. Spy away.

I thought about what weapons I wanted to bring, though I didn’t know why. This kind of work on Earth meant M-98 Widow, but I didn’t have that anymore. Didn’t even miss it, either. My regular gear would be perfect for this. Black Widow and M-5 it was, and I made sure the silencers were on for them. I also packed a lot of thermal clips. If I did this right, I would be in and out without anyone noticing. If things went to hell, which they would, I needed enough ammo to be able to pull through.

I changed into my undersuit and thought about what I would be wearing. The heavy armor Cerberus had provided was a no-go. I needed to stay silent. My regular medium armor would give me the protection I needed, if things were to go wrong. However, I needed to be even more silent and invisible than what that did for me. Miranda had told me that they got a hold of it, so I went through my things until I found what I was looking for. My light Predator armor.

I looked at myself in the mirror after getting dressed and thought I looked like that superwoman with the same name as my rifle. I liked the fact that she didn’t have any superpowers. She was a strong and skilled woman with a wicked name. I decided to put some makeup on, not only because I wanted to look good, but because I wanted my eyes dark. My braided dark brown hair already did the job of hiding me for me.

Sufficiently satisfied, I headed straight down to the shuttle bay to get ready. The elevator stopped on its way down on the third floor and Garrus walked in. Fuck. I didn’t want to see him right now. It hurt too much. He gave me a surprised look, before his eyes ran up and down my body quickly. I moved over to give him space, as he seemed to not want to talk to me anyway, and kept my eyes away from his.

“Are we heading out?” He asked confused as he stepped into the elevator.

It didn’t have the word ‘calibration’ in it, but it was still about work. That was all we were now, huh? Co-workers. That hurt a lot to think about and I had to take a deep breath before I managed to answer him.

“Just me. Favor for Hackett.” I answered flatly.

“Is everything alright?” He carefully asked after sensing something was wrong.

“No.” I answered honestly, but didn’t elaborate.

“I can go get ready if you need me to come along.” He offered up.

I looked at him briefly, but felt myself not able to hold his eye contact without tears welling in my eyes. I quickly moved my eyes in front of me while answering him honestly.

“I tried asking for you to come along. I got a hard no at bringing anyone else with me.” I explained sadly.

The fact that all we ever talked about was either work or him not wanting to talk was difficult. I wondered how badly I had wronged him so that he felt the need to so actively push me away from him, as it certainly wasn’t Sidonis that was the deal. I missed the bond we had two years ago. I desperately wanted my friend back. But whatever the case was, I couldn’t think about it now.

The elevator stopped at the shuttle bay. I went outside silently, walked over to the shuttle and sat inside it. I leaned my head against the back wall and started to prepare myself. That was always done by meditating and breathing before infiltration missions. Clearing my mind. Trying to only single in on the mission itself, because that was the only thing that mattered. I sat like that until Joker announced we were there. I autopiloted the shuttle down to the planet and cursed under my breath as I did.

The doors to the shuttle opened. I silently jumped out of it and sent the shuttle back to the Normandy, so no one would get suspicious of there being a damned shuttle there. It was night-time. A huge full moon was looming over me and it looked like it was threatening to fall on top of my head. A few clouds were over me and it was raining quite heavily. I felt relieved. The rain would mask any noises I made and the darkness would give me good cover.

I saw a door headed towards what had to be the prison in question. It was locked down tight and that didn’t really surprise me. Behind it was a power source, which looked to control the door. I wondered why it was on the outside, before I understood it was so prisoners couldn’t escape from the inside. I shuddered as I took out my talon and cut the power. The door opened, and inside I went.

This must have been one of the lower levels of the prison. Like the gutters. There was stone and everything was a dull grey. It looked pretty worn down as well, like it was going to fall apart any second. I looked to my left and saw metal bars overlooking the outside. No escaping from that side. To my right was my way forward.

I walked forward cautiously, until I saw an unextended bridge. There was a control for it next to it. I activated it, but nothing happened. Looking at the cables, I could see that there maybe was another control even further down. Since I needed to move forward, I decided to see if I was right and followed it along.

I heard a low warning growl from an animal and saw a varren charging me. I quickly went into cloak and broke its line of sight. I wanted it to stand still, so I could kill it silently. My plan worked, it stopped at the place I broke its line of sighed and started to sniff around for my scent.

As much as I hated killing animals, I had to do it. I slit the varren’s throat to not give away my location before I stabbed it again in its head with my talon. It squirmed for a couple of seconds and then it just died. I’m sorry, little guy, I though as I lovingly petted it. I found the other bridge control and activated it. That extended the bridge for me and my way forward had opened up for me.

I went back up and crossed the bridge I had just extended, and walked to the right. There were crates in a corner in front of me. Dead varren were strewn around them. The interior also changed a little. It looked like I was starting to get to where I wanted to be, which was further up. It looked more… not so broken down.

Dark grey bricks were laid on the walls, ceiling and floor. It looked depressing, which I guess matched a prison well enough. Passing the crates, I found some stairs to the left. I walked up them and was met by a laser alarm. Before I could think about it, another varren charged me from my left. I went into cloak and stood by the alarm. The varren stopped like the last one had and looked confused. I ended it the same way as I had done with the other one and even gave it the same apology, too.

I took another look at the alarm. There was a power source by it as well. I cut the power, and the laser disappeared. There were nowhere to go ahead, so I went left. I heard someone talking just as I did. It made me take cover against the wall and I quickly listened in.

“Get that human into questioning!” A batarian guard demanded loudly.

“Get your hands off me!” A woman, most likely Doctor Kenson, screamed back.

If she wasn’t in trouble yet, she would certainly be soon. I needed to pick up my pace and I needed to do so quickly.

I peeked out of my cover and was met by an alarm and a locked door. No one was here, which was the important part of this. I sighed in relief. Continuing forward, I saw a ramp to my right. I went up to it and was met by a crumbling wall. Above it were some pipes. I couldn’t be sure, but they looked like gas pipes. There was a valve on a wall.

I needed to move forward, so I had to take my chances on no one noticing or hearing this. I placed a shot at the pipe and I was right – this was a gas pipe. The explosion led to the wall being destroyed. Fire was pouring out of the pipe. I rotated the valve, to see if it would fix the issue and luckily it did. My path forward was clear yet again.

I entered a room that looked like a workstation. Carefully, I peeked inside and saw I was alone. I really need a visor, I thought to myself as I did. That would let me keep a lookout without too much effort. I quickly found a personal log on this workstation. Wanting to learn more about what was going on, I listened to it.

I hear humans are scurrying like vermin out in the asteroid belt. Is anywhere safe from them? We should arm a missile to flush them all out.

I shuddered. Tensions between the batarians and humans were very well-known at this point. It had always been like that, and that was sad. There was no other way forward, though. I turned around and circled the room I’d been in. I saw two guards with their backs to me in a room. I got in cover by the wall, and listened to their conversation.

“They wanted to slam an asteroid into the mass relay.”

“Can they even do that?”

“What difference does it make? We caught ‘em.”

What was this about slamming an asteroid into a mass relay? If this was true, then I could understand why she had been taken as a captive. I couldn’t think about it now, though. Saving Kenson was my goal – the only thing that mattered. The guards had their backs to me. I snuck carefully past them until I saw a door.

Opening it, I was outside again. I looked around and sighed to myself. It was impossible to get my bearings here, just as expected. I really need a visor, I thought to myself again and cursed the fact that I didn’t already have one. I noticed two guards on my left with their backs to me. I went into cover and listened in on their conversation, too.

“They’ve still got her down in the prison.”

“I’d just kill her. Interrogating a human’s a waste of time.”

Two things popped out from that. It was Kenson that I heard and she was further down than I was right now. I understood I needed to find a way down to get to where Kenson was being kept fast. Batarians weren’t known for their mercy and torture was commonly used against their prisoners. This was a favor for Hackett and I needed to get her out safely.

Getting my bearings here was difficult, but after scanning the area, I saw what looked like trucks. They were against a platform where there was a door going into a building. Beside this truck was another power outlet. I gathered that this was some sort of lift, so I snuck to it and cut the power source. It was, and it was enough so I could climb onto the elevated platform.

I entered the door, and saw I was in another room that looked like a kitchen or a brake room. There was a total of three doors here. I went up to the first one closest to me and heard the guards talking again.

“No way it would have worked. Relays can’t be damaged, much less destroyed.”

“Those humans will do anything to destroy us, I swear.”

“We have to make this one an example to the others. We can’t respond kindly to terrorists.”

This door seemed to lead right to the two guards I saw outside. That meant that this way was a no-go. The second door was just a couple of meters away. It was too close to the first one. I would’ve gotten noticed if I went through it, and this was a silent job. That was a chance I wouldn’t take.

The third door was at the other side of the room. It would take me back outside, but further along, I realized after mapping the area in my head. I decided to go for it. It indeed took me back outside, but to another open path. I jumped down to the ground carefully, spent some time silently cursing the fact that this area was confusing, and circled around until I found stairs going up to a big building. I opened the door carefully and stepped inside.

I noticed right away that this was a hangar bay. To my right was a larger room, where there were two guards. I snuck past them while being in cloak. I didn’t get noticed. Someone then started talking through a loudspeaker.

“There’s a shuttle incoming. Clear the hangar bay.”

As soon as the shuttle came, the doors to the hangar bay closed. Crap, I was trapped. I took a good look around the hangar bay. There were crates here, and a lift. Maybe it will take me to the lower levels, I thought to myself. As if there was a hidden path below, I was thinking. I had to try, because I couldn’t stay here at all.

I carefully went to the crane controls and positioned it so I could jump down to the hangar bay itself. As I jumped down, I overheard the guards in a room talking amongst themselves.

“I head an artifact was found in that asteroid belt. Think the humans got it?”

“If they did, they’d have swarmed in and put flags all over it.”

I ended up smirking to myself when I heard that. Humans did indeed like to claim what they’d found loudly. I went to the controls I’d found and was relieved to see that I indeed had been right. This would take me back underground where I probably needed to be. I entered the command for the controls to lift and saw a path down under it.

Down I went. Underground, I saw another control. I used it to lower the lift again to not cause any suspicion. Then I looked around. I was back in the prison itself again. In front of me was a door to what looked like a security office. I went inside, as there wasn’t anyone else here. There was another log here. I played it.

Our comm buoy intercepts paid off. We picked up a message to the Alliance coming from somewhere in the asteroid belt. We listened to the feed until we discovered an operation run by a human named Kenson – smuggling engine parts and guidance systems into the system from Omega. We intercepted Kenson’s vessel and took her and her people into custody. Interrogation had produced nothing but frenzied ramblings so far.

Hackett hadn’t given any information on what Kenson actually was doing here. It was like he actually didn’t know himself. If what I’d heard up until now was true, then I quickly understood why she was in batarian prison. Did this mean that she had discovered something so serious that she was willing to kill off an entire system of innocent people?

I had to find her fast if only to answer my own questions. I exited the room and looked left. That was my way forward. There was a branching way going to the left again. I covered at the edge of the wall. It was a smart move, as there were two guards at this branch. They did have their backs to me, though, so I was in the clear.

“This one’s apparently the mastermind.”

“If she doesn’t talk, kill her.”

Kenson had to be close. I snuck along the corridor and found a door, and I just knew this was it. Opening it would give me away, so I looked for another way in by following the wall. It paid off, because I was greeted by another door. I could hear a woman cursing and a batarian talking calmly to her. This was it. I’d found Kenson.

After a deep breath, I opened the door and saw Kenson restrained to something that looked like it would be perfect as a torture table. The batarian was trying to put some sort of electric torture device to her head. Before he could, I took out my Black Widow and rifle butted him in the back of the head. He went down immediately with a grunt.

“Who are you? What are you doing?” Kenson asked me somewhat frantically.

“Doctor Kenson? I’m Commander Shepard. I’m here to get you out.” I answered her.

I used my omni tool to break the restraints around her hands and neck. They only needed a little hacking to come right off. Kenson kept watching me in what had to be disbelief. Why? Well, she probably didn’t guess that anyone would come pick her up, when I thought about it. But I was still a little bitter about this situation. I wasn’t in the mood to be nice right now.

“Commander Shepard? I’d heard you were alive. Hackett must have received my message.” She said now both shock and relief in her voice.

I decided to level with her. “Listen to me carefully. We’re looking at a major diplomatic incident if the batarians find out I was involved. This evidence you have about the Reapers better be worth it.”

Kenson managed to free her arms and remove the restraint around her neck on her own. She walked a couple of steps, rolled her neck and turned around to face me.

“It is. The Reapers are coming. Diplomacy is the least of our worries. If we can find a console, I can hack security... make us an escape path.” She assured me seriously and offered up.

We didn’t have time to talk more, because we heard an alarm going off. We had been discovered and we needed to move like right now.

“Then we’ll find one. Go!” I commanded.

Before we went out of the room, she stomped on the guard’s head that was ready to torture her and turned around to face me with a smile. “Ready.”

“The ringleader escaped! Get your asses out there and stop them!” What had to be a commander said over the loudspeakers.

I sighed. Of course something would go wrong. I grabbed my Black Widow and opened the door. I noticed one guard running towards us. I scoped him out quickly and shot him in the head. We followed the corridor to the left where we found a path going down to a lower level. We continued to follow it.

“This is a cell block. There should be a security console here somewhere.” Kenson noted.

That would be helpful indeed. I could hack myself, but she didn’t have any armor or weapons. I needed to keep her safe while she did the finesse work. The room we came to had a walkway circling around it. The middle of the room was empty with no flooring at all. I took a quick look down and saw elevators. I also saw a room to my right.

Before I could scope it out more, we were swarmed by guards. Kenson turned out to be a decent shot, although her overloading abilities were a lot more useful to me than her shooting was. She used it frequently, while I finished guards off with my Black Widow. As soon as every guard was dead, we walked into the room on the right and found a console.

“They know we’re here. Keep them off me while I hack us a way out.” She said somewhat stressed.

I reloaded my Black Widow. I needed to do this quickly, to not get overwhelmed right away. Luckily Octavian had made my aim very quick on Palaven with his damned target practices. If they were going to ever pay off, it would be now. The loudspeaker came back on again.

“Suppression team to cell block! Now!”

I ran out of the room cloaked and went behind cover by the way we’d come from. Three guards were coming down the stairs. I quick-scoped them out and killed them right away.

“We need to close the door we came through! Keep them out.” Kenson commanded.

That was a good idea. I saw the lock for the door and locked it. We wouldn’t meet any more guards from this side of the room and that was a relief in its own right.

“Other side! Go! Unlocking all doors to the hangar. Still need more time.” She said nervously.

I went into cloak again and used the same tactic to snuff out the guards on the other side. This was difficult in its own way. Not that I felt overwhelmed at any time, but this was chaos on the field. Again, Octavian demanded target practice was my saving grace. As soon as I locked the doors, we had even more safety to work with.

“Bringing down their orbital tracking network. Watch the elevators!” Kenson said.

I ran to the middle part of the room and looked down quickly. I saw three guards getting ready to go up the elevator to our position. I reloaded quickly and quickly shot all three in the head. In the commotion, I hadn’t noticed that another elevator with three more guards were coming up right next to me. One of the guards even managed to dop my shields.

Deciding to play a little with this asshole, I smirked and gave him a wink, before I went back into cloak. He looked around frustrated to find me, but I’d already snuck up behind the guards. I took out my M-5 and shot them all in the back of their heads quickly and watched while their heads exploded from the cranial trauma mod. The loudspeaker came back on.

“Get to the hangar! Do not let them escape!”

Kenson went out of the room and met me by one of the elevators. I’d already refreshed my supply of thermal clips from all the guards I’d killed. This could be a long battle and looting was just what was needed to keep this going forward. We rode the elevator up.

“Oh, one last thing: The hangar doors are hard-locked. We’ll have to get those open the old-fashioned way.” She told me.

I smiled at her, because explosions were never not fun. “Leave that to me.”

I reloaded my weapons. As we walked into the hangar bay, guards were already swarming in. It was a tough fight, but Kenson’s overload and incinerate, combined with my cloaked surprise attacks eventually took everyone down. After the last guard was dead, I quickly shot the locks on the hangar doors.

We boarded the shuttle and left just as a new wave of batarian guards came rushing in. I took a deep breath feeling relieved and sat down. I could finally relax a little. While this had gone bad, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Kenson walked over to the controls to engage autopilot before she sat down opposite to me.

“We should be well out of range before they get their security measures unscrambled.” She said with a smirk and seemed to be proud of the hacking she’d done.

“Do you think they’ll come after you?” I curiously asked.

“I’m not taking any chances. Batarians don’t take kindly to humans who plan to destroy their mass relays.” She answered and I had to admit that I was a little taken back by that.

“So the charges against you are true.” I said with a slightly furrowed brow.

“Well. To be fair, that’s about half the story. My people and I were here investigating rumors of Reaper technology out in the fringes of this system.” She started to explain.

“My guess is that you found something.” I stated leaning forward a bit.

She took a deep breath before answering me. “We found proof that the Reapers will be arriving in this system. When they get here, they’ll use its mass relay to travel throughout the galaxy. We call it the ‘Alpha Relay’. From here, the Reapers can invade anywhere in the galaxy.”

Okay. If that was true then I understood why she wanted to destroy that mass relay. With that said, this seemed like it was a big leap in logic. Exactly how did she know that? I was curious, but I needed more information before I would commit to anything.

“So you decided to destroy it.” I said, realizing it was half a question a statement.

“Exactly. Doing that would stop the Reapers’ invasion. Even at FTL speeds, it’d be months or years before they got to the next relay. We came up with what we just called ‘the Project’: a plan to launch a nearby asteroid into the relay and destroy it before the Reapers could arrive. Of course, the resulting explosion would probably wipe out the system.” She elaborated.

This confirmed that the batarians were right about this woman. She really was going to destroy their relay. This was serious. She would be killing a huge amount of innocent people over this. How, though? Weren’t relays undestroyable?

“How did you plan to launch an asteroid into a mass relay?” I wondered.

“Moving an asteroid just requires thrust and guidance, which are readily available in Omega’s salvage yards. Get the right amount of power and a good VI to drive it, and you can pretty much just point and shoot.” She explained smugly and I didn’t feel the need to challenge her knowledge on that.

“I’ve always heard that mass relays are indestructible.” I said skeptically.

“I’ve heard that, too. But I think it’s more that nobody’s willing to find out what happens when one is destroyed. And, well... we planned to slam a small planet into the thing at very high speed. By our calculations, that’s more than enough.” Kenson answered.

It made sense. Why destroy the link to the whole Milky Way just to see what would happen? No one in their right mind would just do that for shits and giggles.

“Why do you think destroying the mass relay would destroy the entire system?” I wondered.

“Mass relays are the most powerful mass-effect engines in the known galaxy. The energy released from a relay’s destruction would probably resemble a supernova. This is a remote system, but just over three hundred thousand batarians live on the colony where they held us. The explosion would undoubtedly kill them all.” She explained.

I just had more and more confirmation that this was so much incredibly more serious then I’d first expected. She was willing to kill a lot of innocent people for something that she said she had proof of. This couldn’t happen if it turned out to either be false or if the proof had some doubt within it.

“Is the project still operational?” I asked somewhat nervously.

“I... I imagine it is. We were one button-press away from launching when the batarians arrested me.” She answered.

Her pause caught my attention. I paid it no mind for now, though. It could just be the stress of what she had just been through or it could just be the stress of what she was planning to do. This was a very somber plan to begin with.

“How were you caught?” I asked.

“We’ve been smuggling starship parts from Omega. Thrusters, guidance, and aftermarket eezo core. The batarians thought that looked suspicious. A few days ago, I took a few men on a scouting trip, and the batarians pounced on us. They never found our actual base.” She answered me.

That would indeed be suspicious. I understood why the batarians wanted to question her. I would have done the same thing, if I was a batarian. But there was one thing that bothered me. While she had told me a lot about how she was going to blow up this mass relay, she hadn’t mention anything that told me why she was going to do it. What kind of proof did she have?

“You’ve told me a lot, but I still don’t see how you learned about this supposed invasion.” I said to her after thinking for a few seconds.

“The evidence came from what we call Object Rho, a Reaper artifact we discovered among the asteroids near the relay itself. When we get back to Arcturus Station, I’ll explain everything and provide copies of all our notes on the artifact.” She answered with a smile.

“What is a Reaper artifact doing in an asteroid?” I asked furrowing my brows.

“We don’t know, or even what its purpose is. Some things are just too old or large to comprehend. Even a Reaper thousands of years dead contains power. Their artifacts are worthy of study, regardless of their purpose.” She explained.

I somewhat agreed with that, apart from the fact that we didn’t know a lot about the Reapers or what their artifacts could do to you. What if they indoctrinated you while you studied it? That seemed like a big risk to take. There weren’t any cures for this indoctrination either.

“How exactly does a Reaper artifact give you proof of an impending invasion?” I asked.

“It showed me visions of the Reaper’s arrival... much like your Prothean beacon, I imagine. The Reapers are coming, Commander. That much I know for certain.” She explained.

That answer had me worried right away and it made me study her closely. “If you’re working near a Reaper artifact, how have you avoided indoctrination?”

“We’ve been very careful. We know what we’re dealing with. You’re not speaking to a child, Shepard. I saw what Sovereign did at the Citadel. Trust me, I know what’s at stake.” She very seriously told me.

Did she actually know what she was dealing with, though? Did she? Maybe she actually did, for all I knew, but I wasn’t too sure if that was true. Maybe it would depend on where this artifact was stored. If they studied it at a longer range, then maybe it wasn’t too dangerous for them.

If she was right about this, then maybe blowing up this relay was the best solution. I think. This was too serious to just take her word for it, though. A lot of people’s lives were at stake.

“The stakes are too high. If you were willing to destroy a whole system over this, I want to see your proof.” I stated as I slightly shook my head at her.

Kenson studied my face for a few seconds before she smiled. “I guess I can’t argue with that. Give me a moment.”

She walked away a couple of steps from me and started a conversation with what had to be the people on the base of this asteroid. I could overhear their entire conversation, even if she wanted it to be private. Being polite was the last of my worries right now, so I listened very carefully in on what this would be about.

“Kenson to Project base.”

“Good to hear your voice, Doctor. You coming home?”

“Affirmative. And I’ve got Commander Shepard with me.”

Silence for a few seconds. “Shepard? Really?”

“Tidy up the lab. The Commander needs to confirm the artifact.”

“Right. I’ll get everything set up for your arrival. Project base out.”

She then walked back to her seat and stared at me with a smile. “All set. Just sit back and relax. We’ll be there in no time.”

She made me uncomfortable, but I couldn’t let it show right now. Something about the conversation had also bugged me and I think it was the way that guy she talked to repeated my name. Like they had expected me or were a little too happy that I was coming. It was so damned hopeful and relieved, in some way. That I did not like.

About half an hour later in silence, we arrived at the asteroid. It landed inside a hangar bay. The doors closed behind us and we walked outside. I noticed a timer over our heads. It was currently at a little over 48 hours.

“Here we are. Welcome to Project base.” Kenson said.

“What’s this?” I asked while gesturing to the countdown.

She looked up at it before she looked back to me. “That’s our countdown to Arrival. When that gets to zero... the Reapers will have come. Just over two days and counting. Puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?”

I had already sensed something was wrong and so I spent time subconsciously analyzing what she said and how she said it. I didn’t know if it was admiration or fear I heard in her voice and it caught me by surprise. Still undercover, I didn’t react to it, but rather asked a fair question.

“How do you know that’s an accurate countdown?” I asked her.

“It is. The artifact has been giving off pulses at definite intervals since we found it. The intervals have been decreasing at a steady rate. The artifact is reacting to the Reapers’ proximity. In just over forty-eight hours, the pulses will become constant, and the Reapers will be here.” She explained a little smugly.

I decided to believe her. She seemed to be good with physics and math, and she was working in a lab. If anyone would know then it had to be her. But this was troubling information. If this was right, then that meant…

“You’re saying the Reapers could be all over the galaxy in two days?” I asked shocked.

I didn’t get no direct reply for that. She looked at me with an uncomfortable look on her face. That ended up telling me everything I needed to know. This was concerning and I had to know what kind of proof they had now.

“There’s no time to waste.” I stated through a nod.

“Then let’s show you that proof.” Kenson answered and gestured to the door in front of us.

We walked together towards the central lab while she spent time explaining where we were heading off to. That felt weird. I didn’t need her telling me that. It felt like she was nervous and trying to talk to calm herself down. Something was off. What was it, though? Looking at the scientists we passed, they seemed to be calm and doing their own thing. Nothing told me that anything major was about to happen at all.

Paranoia. I was used to it by this point, though.

“So what would it take to get the Project back up and running?” I asked, now feeling increasingly stressed about the situation.

“Everything was in place when we were arrested. It wasn’t a questions of ‘could we,’ but ‘should we.’” She answered me.

“Well, exactly what alternative do we have?” I asked.

I was working very hard to try and find one myself. I wanted nothing more than to spare these innocent people, but the thought of Reapers invading in two days put things into a harsh perspective. If this was right, then I potentially needed to play god again. Decide if these innocents in this system would live, or not. I wished I had Garrus’ clear mind with me. He would either confirm that I wasn’t crazy about what I wanted to do, or point me out to another solution to this mess.

“The Reapers will reach this system, regardless. But the Alpha Relay is their shortcut to the rest of the galaxy. If you want to keep the Reapers at bay, this relay must be destroyed.” Kenson explained as we entered an elevator.

We took it down to the lower levels in silence. I was deep within their research facility now and I was very eager to see if they had solid proof or not. I also thought about how this would get solved if this proof was undeniable. While I felt like a cold mass murderer for even considering it, this, horribly enough, felt like the right thing to do. Over three hundred thousand sacrificed to stop the Reapers momentarily. Kill off a few hundred thousand to give a chance to billions. Trillions, even.

If this was done right and if people started to listen to me about the Reapers, then maybe this would be the time the galaxy needed to prepare. How would we prepare, though? That was a question I had no answer to. But if this was what it took to make sure the Reapers didn’t arrive within the next two days, then we had to do it. There simply was no other alternative.

“We have to get the Project running again. It’s probably the only chance we have.” I decided after thinking about it in the elevator.

“One sec. Let me get that door.” Kenson said while fiddling with a locked door in front of us.

I noticed she didn’t answer what I said and I didn’t like that. For so freely telling me about this plan, why the fuck was she not commenting or answering me with her own thoughts about this? Something was wrong, but I wasn’t sure what. I understood as soon as the door opened in front of me, though. Inside was a huge artifact. It was black with glowing blue lights trickling around it. What looked like tentacles were reaching up from it.

What the fuck had they done?

“Commander Shepard, I give you Object Rho.” Kenson said with a smile on her face.

I alternate between looking at her and the artifact in disbelief. “You have the Reaper artifact just sitting here… out in the open.”

“When we found it, it showed me a vision of the Reapers’ arrival.” She simply said and I didn’t like that loving look on her face at all.

“Kenson, this is not good.” I said to her concerned.

This was more than not good and I already knew it. It was a fucking disaster. This was a trap and I would have to fight my way out. Because this woman had to be indoctrinated. Anything else would be stupid to consider. But I kept my cool and hoped for the best. Like that would ever happen. Fuck, I knew this would go to hell at some point and now it was just about to.

“Give it a moment, Shepard. It’ll give you the proof you need.” Kenson said, not breaking eye contact with the artifact.

I did not want to look at that thing but I ended up doing it automatically. A blue light coursed through me and I had a vision akin to the one I got from the Prothean beacons. What I saw was a Reaper called Harbinger looking at me. The name just got placed into my mind. It showed me a horde of Reapers travelling towards the Alpha relay. The vision ended as soon as they passed through it, and I was let go after that.

A shock went through my body and I fell to my knees with a gasp. This was irrefutable proof, that much was true. Whispers were suddenly in my mind. I had trouble figuring out what they were saying. It was like an itch you couldn’t get to, no matter how hard you tried. Fuck. This was bad. Being indoctrinated was the last thing I needed. Looking up, I noticed Kenson was standing over me with a gun pointed to my head.

“I can’t let you start the Project, Shepard. I can’t let you stop the arrival.” She said with a frenzied look on her face.

I feigned being too weak to respond as I got up slowly. In a move too quick for her to register, I knocked the gun out of her hand. I then grabbed her arm, twisted it until I heard a snap, and kicked her out of the way. Cover was what I needed right now, because a lot of guards started to fill the room.

“Take her down!” Kenson yelled while the exited the room.

I really need a goddamned visor, I thought to myself and made a promise to look for one.

The room quickly got filled with a lot of guards. A couple of engineers and pyrotechnicians, but mostly it was regular security guards. They were well trained and had flashbang grenades. This would be a tricky fight.

Through carefully timing my shots and confusing the enemies with going in and out of cloak, I managed to empty out the room. My only way to get ammo was to loot these people after I was done with them, and that’s exactly what I did. There were no more guards here and I sighed in relief as I understood that.

I then hear the familiar sound of a YMIR mech entering the room and I cursed out loud as soon as it happened. The mech circled around to me. This sucker made me nervous, especially considering I was in light armor. What it also had was a shield. I had nothing good against shields. I needed to think fast.

I thought about what I had. I had my Black Widow, I had my M-5, I could cloak, and I could also incinerate it. I wasn’t about to die here when I’d been given a second chance at life. No fucking way that would ever happen.

I went into cloak and ran to the other side of the room. I set off an incinerate. It burned away some of the shields to it, but not enough for it to be effective enough. My incinerate also sent me out of cloak. Fortunately, it hadn’t noticed where I’d gone to yet.

My Black Widow already loaded, I stepped quickly out of cover and shot it in its head. Fully emptied my clip into that sucker. It snapped its camera to me, now aware of where I was. A bad thing, but I had to take that chance.

I thought about how much my shields could take. As long as the mech didn’t fire any rockets at me, I could take a couple of hits from its machine gun. My Black Widow also could shoot four shots per round. This could work, as long as I played it a little safe.

I loaded my baby back up and quickly fired four shots to it. In return, the asshole burned out my shields. They wouldn’t regenerate for quite some time and the mech was only a couple of meters away. I had to do something unless I wanted to die here.

I went into cloak and ran to the other side of the room. As I passed the artifact, it started whispering to me again. As much as a part of my brain wanted to listen to it, I refused to indulge. I started filling my thoughts with other things. I thought mostly about Garrus and his stupidly sarcastic comments. They always made me laugh, even if we weren’t speaking at this moment in time. It was enough for me to focus on the fight.

I made it to the other side of the room just as my cloak deactivated. Fortunately, the mech hadn’t seen me. I loaded up again and fired all four shots into it before it had a chance to turn around. I went to load up again, when I noticed what I’d dreaded would happen. I was out of ammo for my Black Widow. I cursed silently to myself and got out my M-5. It held five good shots. I only had the one clip for it. One issue was that I only had one clip. The other issue was that I would have to get closer to be able to take it out.

I went into cloak one last time and crossed the room again. The mech didn’t notice. I stopped as I stood ten meters behind it. I took a deep breath and started firing. I managed to fire four shots, before it was completely turned towards me. I pulled the trigger for the fifth shot. As I did, the mech fired its machine gun.

But luck was on my side, for once. At that very same time, my shields had regenerated. It shattered against the mech’s machine gun, but it saved me from certain death. One bullet managed to get past it, and it hit me in my left shoulder. I didn’t notice the pain through the adrenaline. Besides, medi-gel would take care of it for me. I stared relieved at the mech as it exploded, before it fell apart.

The artifact started to rumble. It said something, but I couldn’t hear what. I wouldn’t hear what it said, just because I refused to listen to it. I was tired and injured and my adrenaline wouldn’t let me focus on it either. A shockwave suddenly blasted out of it. As it hit me, I felt extremely dizzy and confused, and then it knocked me out.

I opened my eyes, only to see Kenson looking at me with glowing eyes. That had to be my imagination. Who in their right mind had glowing eyes?

“Take her to the med-bay and patch her up. We want Shepard alive.” She said and everything went black after that.

Chapter Text

Damn. I had nothing to do these days.

Calibrate the guns? I mean, I could, but they were calibrated to perfection right now. All the algorithms were set. Just upkeep and minor tweaking to be done if needed. I preferred getting things done right away, so I really worked a lot on the guns just when I first boarded this ship. Now I was at the point where I could just spend an hour doing upkeep and have the rest of the day off. Boring, to say the least.

And now that the whole Omega-mess was done, I really didn’t have anything useful to do. Thinking back on what had happened, I had a lot of mixed emotions about what Mika was trying to do in that mission. She didn’t want me to kill Sidonis, but like the friend she was, she helped me find him. She even helped me, knowing full well what my plans with him were. Still she begged me not to.

I understood what she was trying to do. It wasn’t about Sidonis in her eyes. It was about me not succumbing to hatred and revenge. This wasn’t her business at all, but neither was me stopping her from killing Elanos Haliat either. I decided to trust her, and honestly, I struggled with knowing if I made the right choice or not at first. As hours passed, I realized that I felt grateful for not killing him myself.

I could see the regret on his face. I could see the self-hatred in his eyes. I felt those emotions myself. There wasn’t anything that could better the situation. Killing him would only make me feel worse. Of course I wouldn’t know for sure before I pulled the trigger, but I had to trust that was the case. Mika would know this very well from her personal experience.

And there was also that part of me that thought him being miserable for what he had done was more satisfactory than just killing him would be. Petty, but I didn’t really care about that.

Then I spent some time thinking and doing some reading on the extranet. I decided to forgive what had happened on Omega. Not for Sidonis. He would never hear my forgiveness out loud. Rather for myself, so I could put it behind me and move on. I didn’t think it would do anything, but amazingly, it actually helped. After that, I finally got some good sleep.

It also made me feel more and more like myself again. I felt lighter. Steps were easier. Nightmares about Omega were calmer. Dreams about Mika took over more and more, and they were still the same. Her on top of me doing her best to turn me on. Always saying something I couldn’t hear just before I woke up. It was torture, though I still wanted them there. I could pretend we could be something a little longer.

I felt like a damned asshole every time I sent Mika away, even more since she helped me with Sidonis. I was supposed to be her best friend. She was mine, and I still viewed her as that. But I didn’t have a choice right now. It broke me, but I was determined to not ruin anything between her and her boyfriend, Alenko. I wouldn’t be a part of a love-triangle. Those kinds of things were incredibly messy.

Besides, I didn’t want to be a third wheel in their relationship. I didn’t want to be cast aside as soon as he stopped being an asshole towards her. Because what I wanted with Mika was more than just something casual. For the first time in my life, I wanted something serious with someone. And of course that person I wanted that with was taken. Just my luck.

It was impossible, but I tried to keep myself away from her to try and let her go. I couldn’t. I still wanted her. I was doing something wrong, but I wasn’t sure what that was anymore.

Mika wasn’t here right now. She was on a mission, a favor for her admiral. Expected trouble, though I gathered that she always did with solo-missions. She told me that she wanted me to join her, but was denied. That was odd, though I guess that came with favors. It made me think it was an infiltration mission, a kind of mission she really didn’t want to do anymore.

She wore her Predator armor again, the light one. It always looked so great on her. She looked just like she used to back in the day. She struggled with looking at me when we talked, and I knew I could only blame myself for that. It hurt and the hurt on her face hurt even more. It was deserved. I knew that.

But I could wallow in my own self-pity later. Today was the day to change the compress on my face. It wasn’t a daily thing anymore, but every three days it would have to get changed, cleaned and soaked with that cream Mordin had provided.

I made my way to the med-bay and opened the door. I was a little surprised at what I saw in there. Chakwas was here. That wasn’t right. It was Mordin who did this for me. Why was she here?

“Hello, dear. Have a seat.” She greeted with a smile and gestured to a chair.

“You’re doing this today, Chakwas?” I asked confused.

“Is that a problem, Garrus?” She wondered.

“No. Not at all. It’s just that Mordin usually does this.” I assured her.

“He’s busy today. I’ll be changing the compress for you for him.” She explained.

“Sure. No problem.” I said with a smile.

“Good. Have a seat.” She answered with the same kind of smile.

The burns were the worst on my face, though I had been burned down my neck and chest, too. This meant that I had to take the top of my undersuit off, which I did. After placing it on an empty bed, I walked over and sat down topless in the chair she wanted me in.

Chakwas wheeled her chair to my right side and took the compress off. Feeling fresh air on my burn again. It felt strange. A little sensitive and cold, but it didn’t hurt anymore at all. I didn’t take any pain meds for it anymore. I could touch it over my compress and not have it hurt. It was healing. Even itching from time to time, and not responding to that itch was difficult at times.

Though I had to admit that I avoided mirrors. The reason I avoided mirrors were split into two explanations. It was a physical reminder of my biggest fuckup ever that I would be forced to look at every day. What happened on Omega, of course. The other reason was that it didn’t look good. It wasn’t that I was vain. Scars honestly didn’t bother me at all. But that didn’t mean that I really wanted one. Besides, it was a burn scar. My plates just looked scratched, but my hide looked weird. Textured.

“How does it look?” I asked carefully.

“It’s looking better and better. You already know this will scar, but it will look a lot better than it could have done without that cream Doctor Solus provided.” Chakwas assured me.

“It doesn’t really matter. A scar won’t bother me.” I lied to her.

“And yet you still wonder what it looks like.” She pointed out.

“Touché.”

Chakwas was an observant woman, that much was true. Annoying, though it didn’t bother me at all. I think it made her easy to talk to. She could pick up on things from the sentences you provided to her. She really was some kind of mom, wasn’t she? I silently wondered if she had kids as she started to clean the burn with gloved hands.

“I actually think it’s almost time we let you take the compress off around the ship, so your skin and plates can get some fresh air. The air is circulated in here so the infection risk would be almost none existent. Whenever you do go planet-side, I still want you to wear a compress.” She noted and told me.

“All right. Like, now?” I wondered.

“In a few weeks. I’ll let you know, dear.”

“Okay.”

She moved over to that miracle cream. Thin layer, just like Mordin did. He was usually a little more quick with this, so I could escape back to the batteries. Chakwas took her time. I guess that was okay. As long as it got done, it didn’t matter how much time it took. Besides, I didn’t really have anything to do at this point in time. The guns were calibrated to perfection right now. It was really just upkeep I needed to do at this point.

Just as she was done she smiled. Then she took her gloves off and threw them away, before she wheeled her chair back so we were face to face. I smiled back to her. Now was the time to wait for it to be absorbed. Fifteen minutes. Time to do nothing at all. But she wanted to talk, and that was okay. She was easy to talk to and a pleasant woman to be around.

“Doctor Solus told me this cream would have to sit for fifteen minutes before the compress can be put on. That will give us some time to catch up.” She said with a smile.

“Anything in particular you want to talk about?” I asked her.

“Yes. Did you know that there’s horosk in the bar here?” She asked.

I chuckled and immediately had pictures of a very drunk Chakwas stumbling around drunk on horosk. Did we really have horosk on this ship? Why would Cerberus provide that? I thought this was a human-centric ship. Not that I minded. Well. I actually did. No one in their right mind drank horosk for fun. You either drank it as a challenge, as a palate cleanser, or to get drunk as quickly as possible.

“Horosk? You planning a party, Chakwas?” I joked.

“God, no. I don’t feel like going into a coma. Someone did open it yesterday and ended up chugging down a fourth of the bottle, though.” She answered.

“Oh, wow. That’s… poor person.” I answered.

“Yes, horosk is incredibly strong. Close to pure ethanol in strength and very spicy, if I remember correctly. A double burn. Shepard ended up being extremely drunk in a very short amount of time.” She said.

I froze. Mika drank horosk last night? A fourth of a bottle? That was an insane amount of horosk. She must have passed out. But she had seemed to be all right today, just before she left for her mission. Wait, yesterday? After she spoke with me? I wondered if she drank because of me pushing her away again. I felt guilty right away, though I managed to hide it. Couldn’t hide the concern, though.

“Was she all right?” I asked concerned.

“Her cybernetics makes her process alcohol very fast. Meaning she gets drunk right away. It also works the other way around. She burns it off very quickly.” Chakwas explained.

“Makes sense. She seemed fine when I met her in the elevator before she left.” I agreed and lied again.

She seemed physically fine when I saw her in the elevator, but I lied just because I saw that she was hurt. Eye-contact was almost non-existent, she gave me short answers, she stood far away from me, and I hated every second of it. Hated myself for doing what I was doing. Hated that I didn’t have the guts to just admit my feelings to her.

Chakwas just watched me. Looked at me silently and a little sternly, like there was something she wanted to talk about, but she didn’t exactly know how to start the conversation. Either that, or she was trying to find a way to lay it on me without being angry. She didn’t seem angry, though I wondered what was going on. Why was she being this way?

“You worked in C-Sec. I bet you talked to a lot of drunk people in your time.” She said.

“Sure.” I agreed.

“Drunk people like to talk, don’t they? It’s like they can’t shut up at all.” She said, this time with a small chuckle.

“That’s usually the case.” I agreed with a smile.

“You know, I don’t have any children of my own. Never had the opportunity. I always saw Shepard as a sort of daughter I never had. That may be silly, but that’s how I feel. So when she drunkenly cried and asked me why you were pushing her away while I helped her to her room yesterday, I have to admit that I got angry at you.” She calmly told me.

My mouth felt dry just as her last sentence ended. This catching up was about Mika, huh? Though I was sure she kept her and my business between us, I could understand her confiding in another when things felt difficult for her. But I really didn’t want to talk about this. It was too heartbreaking. There was a reason for me staying away from her. It was just too bad I didn’t have the guts to tell Mika to her face. That always bothered me the most about this.

So I stared back into Chakwas’ eyes sadly, silently asking her to please let it go. But she didn’t. She leaned forward and took my hand lovingly in hers, like a mom would. I didn’t even resist.

“Garrus, what you and I talk about in here is confidential. You know that. I won’t tell her what you tell me, just like I didn’t tell her you talked to me about getting your allergies sorted out. But if there is something I can help clear up, then please tell me.” She assured me.

“It’s complicated.” I admitted silently.

“That amazes me just because you were so close two years ago. I know she told you just about everything about herself. You clicked right away. You were like peas in a pod, to use a human expression. I know Shepard misses that connection you had. What’s going on, dear? What’s so complicated that you feel the need to stay away from her?” She asked.

Her question was more on the desperate side. I bet Mika’s desperation was ten times higher, and I knew it was my fault. Yeah, I had talked to Chakwas. Spoke to her about solutions for my allergies after Mika left for her final mission before she died. I trusted her to keep it quiet and she did. She told me about these pills I could take. The problem with them, was that one had to take them every day. If you stopped, then your body would gain a resistance to them.

When Mika died, I stopped. She was the reason I wanted them gone. I had no reason to continue taking them after she died.

But I thought about it. Tell her about this, or not? I settled on the fact that I would, just so she would understand that I wasn’t being an asshole for no reason at all. I didn’t want her to view me in that way, in the same sense that you didn’t want your mom to be disappointed with you. There was a reason for me doing this and while it was a selfish one, I bet she would understand.

“I still have a thing for her. When we had dinner in her room, I wanted to ask about if we could… but then I saw that she has a picture of Alenko in her room. She’s with him. I’m trying to not get between that.” I admitted.

She nodded in realization as she understood what I was referring to. Like what I had said made sense. I knew she would understand. Even if she wasn’t an actual mom, she was a mom in spirit, always knowing what to say, and always being so caring and understanding. And like the mom she was, she got that I had a difficult time being around Mika with the feelings I had for her.

“Can I ask you something personal, Garrus? Is this the first time you’ve felt something stronger for anyone? Beyond simple lust, I mean?” She wondered.

“Yes.” I admitted.

“Right. That would explain your caution.” She noted.

“Does it?” I wondered.

“I think it does. You know, when I accepted this position on this Normandy, I spoke with Shepard before she got Doctor Solus. She was so worried out of her mind. She had nightmares. Struggled with sleeping. She told me that she was worried about someone even Cerberus didn’t know where was. I told her that Kaidan was still in the Alliance and not that hard to find.” She said and chuckled to herself.

“No surprises there.” I commented sadly, but she shook her head and smiled.

“No, you don’t understand. I was such an idiot for saying that. I said something so stupid that even Joker looked at me weirdly for it. Do you know what he said?” She asked, though she knew I didn’t know.

“No.” I said.

“‘Kaidan? No, she’s talking about Garrus.’ And then he rambled on about how obvious it was that it was you while Shepard nodded in agreement at what he said. You spent so much time together on the old Normandy. You hung out all the time. And then I suddenly remembered you asking me about solutions for your allergies, and I felt like an idiot for thinking that it was Kaidan.” She elaborated.

“You shouldn’t. There’s that rumor going around and then there’s the picture.” I told her, a little surprised to hear what she had said.

“If there was a picture of Kaidan in her room, then I honestly don’t think she ever knew of it being there. I took her to her room and put her to bed yesterday. There is a picture on her nightstand. It’s not a picture of Kaidan. It’s a picture of you.” She told me.

I froze. Again. What did she just say? Mika had a picture of me in her room? On her nightstand? That was the one I saw when I apologized for jeopardizing the mission on the Collector ship. It saddened me to see it, but I thought it was of Alenko when I saw it. I struggled to believe that it was of me. Why would she have a picture of me?

“Of me?” I asked dumbfounded.

“Yes.” She answered.

“Wait. How could she not know there was a picture of him in her room?” I asked intrigued.

“I don’t know, dear. I do know that these frames have a slider on the side that determines how far away you have to be before it activates. It could just have been that it was turned way down. They appeared empty, so she didn’t feel the need to check it out. The one of you popped up as soon as she was physically in bed. She obviously likes looking at your face when she drifts off to sleep.” She suggested through a shrug.

“That makes sense. I had to touch the frame before the picture even popped up.” I admitted as I remembered.

“Joker confides in me from time to time. He told me something interesting one day. Did Shepard ever tell you that she tried to contact your father to get information about if you were all right?” She asked me, and I froze again.

“My dad? No, she never told me that. Did she get an answer?” I asked back surprised.

“No, I don’t think she ever got one.” She said while shaking her head.

“Yeah, that’s not surprising.” I admitted.

What was this? Going so far to contact my dad to see if I was all right? How had she gotten his information? Well. I guess she managed to hack her way to get Fedorian’s information somehow. Dad’s contact information wouldn’t be as well-hidden as Fedorian’s would be. Child’s play for Mika, the master hacker that she was.

More importantly, why? Was she really that worried about my safety? I guess she did seem very relieved when we finally met on Omega. I was so happy and relieved to see her, too. That hug felt so good and as soon as I took in her scent, I knew it was really her and that I would be all right.

“Has Doctor Solus told you about what happened when we brought you back to the Normandy? When you got hurt?” Chakwas asked and broke my thoughts

“No.” I answered.

“We got a call for a pickup and both me and Mordin had to get ready for it. You were hurt and close to dying. I heard Shepard in the background of Miranda’s comm link and I’ve never heard anything like that from her before. She was so desperate. So scared. I heard her beg and demand that you stayed alive. I brought Jacob with me so he could physically restrain her while we worked on you. He was actually needed. She didn’t want to leave your side. I think she even stomped on his foot at some point.” She said and chuckled at the last sentence.

That was both comforting and sad to hear. I vaguely remembered seeing her hold my hand and it also looked like she was yelling at me. She was crying, I remembered that. I didn’t know she was that scared, though. Other details than that were fuzzy. I blacked out and the next thing I remembered, was her holding my hand in the med-bay. Stroking her fingers lovingly over my hand, even. I watched her for a long time before she noticed me looking at her. Didn’t want the moment gone too soon.

“I was told she stood outside the med-bay for hours to get an update. Joker finally managed to make her go take a shower and change out of her armor. She kept herself busy after that while she waited to be allowed into the med-bay. She wanted to be in here, but due to your allergies, I wouldn’t let her. I knew that frustrated her. Maybe even angered her. As soon as she could, she ran in and sat down here to wait while you woke up. Didn’t even notice me in here. You know the rest of the story.” She told me.

“I didn’t know.” I admitted.

“She also went out of her way to have your gear taken care of personally. Cleaned your weapons herself. Got your armor personally fixed, instead of buying you another one, because she knew how much you cared for your armor. Shepard likes to make sure her crew is happy, but how many people do you think she would go that far for?” Chakwas asked me.

I guess that was a fair question. I didn’t have the answer to that one, either. She went far for the people in her squad, that much was true. Helped out with personal issues to those who needed it. I guess her doing things like taking care of my gear and making sure my C-Sec armor got repaired rather than replaced was something that Mika would do. Only for me, though? I couldn’t answer that.

“I don’t know what to say.” I admitted again.

“You don’t? I’m trying to make you understand something here, dear. It’s something that seems to be plain to see for everyone except you.” She pointed out.

“What is?” I asked.

“You’re her best friend. She misses that bond you had, that much is obvious. But how much more proof do you need before you finally realize that she has a thing for you, too?” She wondered.

That had to be the most polite way someone had called me an idiot for not understanding something myself. I guess I suspected it when we had dinner in her room. She leaned on me and made sure to be as close as possible. It made me think that I maybe wasn’t a total idiot for hoping we could be more than just friends. But then I had seen that damned picture, and all courage left me in an instant.

All this over a damned picture when she probably didn’t even know it was there herself! I felt angry with myself. Disappointed. I had done it to not ruin anything, and it ended up biting me in the ass. Misjudged kindness. I certainly was a bad friend. The one thing I promised I wouldn’t do as soon as I realized she was alive, and I had done just that. I mean, I considered myself a bad turian, but come on. I still valued honesty and directness like the damned hypocrite I was right now.

No more. This would end today. As soon as she came back from her mission for her admiral, we would talk about this. Get all cards on the table, however uncomfortable it would be. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but I would ask for it. Then I would bring up us. If I was lucky, she would forgive me. If the stars were aligned in my favor, then she would agree.

“I’ve wasted time. Time I promised myself I wouldn’t waste.” I muttered out angrily.

“Seems like you have.” Chakwas agreed.

“She won’t forgive me for this. I don’t deserve it either.” I told her.

“Your friendship is strong. I think she will forgive you. Just be sure to be direct and honest with her going forward. Like turians usually are.” She noted with a raised brow.

I feigned being offended. “Ouch.”

“Deserved, I think.” She noted.

“Yeah, I don’t disagree. Thank you, Chakwas. I’ll talk to her as soon as she comes back.” I decided then and there.

She checked her omni-tool with a smile. “Good. Looks like fifteen minutes are up, so I’ll go ahead and put that compress back on, dear.”

She put the compress back on and off I went to the batteries while getting more and more angry with myself. Damn it. What kind of a blind fool was I? First of all, blind from my own fears of her possibly saying no? What was that? That wasn’t me. But Mika brought out things in me that I hadn’t experienced before. That made me nervous and unsure of what I was doing. Chakwas even understood that, even if she thought I was an idiot.

Secondly, why was I so scared of a damned picture of a guy she repeatedly told me she wasn’t interested in? Exactly when did her word start to matter so little to me? I guess it had been two years. Things could have changed. But then she also said that it hadn’t been two years for her. Why would the situation have changed for her?

Why was there a picture of him there, though? The rumor had to have something to do with that. Maybe Cerberus placed it there to manipulate her into thinking they were the good guys? Make it homey for her? Fuck, that was it, wasn’t it? They had placed it there, just assuming that the rumor was true when it absolutely wasn’t.

Wait, when she said that it hadn’t been two years for her, did she also refer to the time we spent during her shore leave? If that was the case, then her actions started to make more sense. She felt it, didn’t she? That spark she used to refer to. I did, too. That shore leave was often on my mind, too. So much that I actually dreamed about it every damned night. Why was I such an idiot?

I was so angry at myself that I punched a hole through a crate. A human’s hand would have been broken from that, but my hand didn’t. Why that made me feel smug, I didn’t know. I desperately wanted to talk to her now, but I had to wait for her to come back. Still my impatience. Obviously calm down, too. These poor crates didn’t deserve my anger for my own mistake.

The resolve that built inside me, though. That I wanted. And while Mika wasn’t here right now, I would do what I could to make sure we spoke as soon as possible.

“EDI, please let me know as soon as Mika boards the ship again.” I said out loud.

Of course, Officer Vakarian.

Chapter Text

My vision was a little fuzzy when I woke up, but I quickly noticed a woman enter the room. I was in civil clothes in what must’ve been the med-bay on this damned asteroid. This woman was speaking to either herself or making a voice log – I wasn’t too sure – because she entered the room in the middle of the sentence she was working on.

“… like Shepard was waking up a moment ago. But it could be a glitch in the system.” She said.

She looked like some sort of scientist. She was dressed in some sort of lab equipment and didn’t have her eyes completely to me at first. I blinked a couple of times and sat up with a groan. This made this woman stiffen as she turned to face me.

“No glitch. The sedatives aren’t working!” She said nervously and ran out the room.

Two guards were also right there and they needed to be taken out. I quickly ran up to them and knocked them out one by one with some impressive hand-to-hand combat skills. Right after I did that, the doorway in front of me got blocked by a barrier. I turned towards the other side of the room, where I saw the scientist smiling smugly at me.

She thought I was trapped. While I kinda was, I had no problems with finding my way out of this hellhole. But this wasn’t good. They had been sedating me. How long had I been under? How much time had passed? How close were the Reapers to their arrival? I needed answers and I took a look around the room I was in to find some. A research log caught my attention first. I played it and immediately saw Kenson’s face again.

The Project is almost complete. I thought I’d feel a sense of accomplishment, but instead... I feel dread. I can’t help but feel we’re doing something terrible.

As bad as this situation was, I couldn’t help but feel a little sad for her. Indoctrination was no joke. Remembering what Saren was like, he also didn’t see himself getting indoctrinated before it was way too late. That dread came from the Reapers that had indoctrinated her. They were stopping her from making it happen.

But while this was interesting, it didn’t really answer any questions for me. I checked the room out some more and found some sort of terminal that I walked towards.

“Step away from that terminal!” The scientist yelled nervously to me.

Bingo.

I played around with it and quickly found out this was a mech station where I could assume control of LOKI mechs. Handy. The scientist was even in the same room as the mechs. Idiot. I assumed control of one and killed the scientist quickly. A horde of five LOKI mechs entered right after that. I managed to kill two of them, before my mech blew up from the damage it had taken. That could’ve been sad, but it wasn’t. I could just assume control of another one. I did, and killed the last three.

I needed to find the power junction for the barrier I was behind. My mech walked around looking for it. I found it in a room in the back of the room the mech came from. Unfortunately my mech didn’t survive the blast, as I placed a shot into the junction, disabling the barrier I was behind. I saluted my two fallen mechs and silently thanked them for their service in freeing me.

“Shepard’s escaped! All available personnel to the medical wing! Do not let her activate the Project!” Kenson’s familiar voice said frantically over a loudspeaker.

I walked out to the room the scientist was in and smiled as I found my armor and weapons. I got dressed as quickly as I could and even managed to replenish my thermal clips. It felt like I didn’t have a lot of time. I needed to be aggressive with the endless amount of encounters I was sure to have. What I needed to do, was to activate this project and get the fuck off this rock.

How much time had passed? Was there anything in here that could answer that? As luck would have it, there was. The countdown similar to the one I’d seen when first arriving was here. There were only two hours left until the Reapers would arrive, which meant I had been sedated for almost two Earth days. Shit. This was bad. I felt it, too. While adrenaline would keep me going, I could feel the exhaustion and hunger do its best to mess with me.

I took a deep breath. While I needed to stop the Reapers’ arrival, the thought of killing that many innocent people made me feel horrible. But this was a necessary ruthless calculus of this war. And as much as I had wanted Garrus to be here with me, I was happy he wasn’t now. These people had wanted me to be here alive. I didn’t think they would want the same for him. He would have been killed on the spot. That’s why I silently thanked Hackett for not letting me bring him along.

I looked at the console I was standing at and found three research logs. I decided to play them all right after each other, just to see if I could learn something useful.

Shepard has been sedated constantly for two days now. We’ve had to increase each dosage. It seemed like Shepard was waking up a moment ago. But it could be a glitch in the system. No glitch. The sedatives aren’t working!

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat. The nightmare was back, the one with the enormous starship crawling through the Citadel and all my friends turning to dust. Even now I can see it in my mind. Why won’t this stop?

When it’s silent, when there’s no one else around, I can hear it. Whispers in the back of my mind, and I can’t tell what they’re saying. I spoke to Doctor Kenson about it, and she seemed to understand. What the hell is going on?

While the first one made me chuckle to myself, the last two made me uncomfortable. This was more like reading people’s personal diaries. The second one took me back to when we’d stopped Saren and Sovereign. The third one just gave me chills. The horror and fright was so clear in that log. It also took me back to Saren. I felt sorry for him even if he had tried to fuck us all over by doing what he did. At least he managed to somewhat redeem himself in the end by killing himself.

I followed a corridor over to an elevator. My Black Widow was ready in my hands as Kenson’s words were fresh in my mind. Guards would be swarming me and I would be resisted at every turn. I went into cloak as the elevator opened up, and I was happy I did. Two guards were there. I quickly fired one shot in each of their heads, before I took the elevator down.

“Secure the Project Control room! Do not let Shepard in there!” Kenson commanded frantically over the loudspeaker on my way down to the lower level.

I sighed and went into cloak again just as the doors opened. Four guards were waiting for me. I snuck behind them, and M-5’d them in their heads. The resulting explosion their heads underwent made them drop instantly. I noticed I was standing next to another console. Another log seemed to be waiting for me and I figured I had time to listen to it.

Kenson’s acting strange lately. Like she doesn’t care about the Project anymore. And I know I’m not the only one having those dreams. The Reapers are coming, she says. But I’m not sure if I’m hearing fear or hope in her voice.

I’d already assumed she’d spent more time with the artifact than anyone else in the building. I apparently was right about that. Others could see her acting strange at this point. This wasn’t important, so I moved along. The corridor next to me lead to an open room. This could’ve been the control room Kenson was speaking of. If it was, then it was where I needed to go to active the Project.

I already knew there would be many guards in there and the first thing that struck my mind was why I hadn’t gotten a hold of a visor. Garrus never had any problems with scoping out an area. I’d never asked him about his visor before, but I thought I knew how it worked. I was picky with my gear and it was one like his that I wanted for myself. It wouldn’t be in the way. If I got out of this alive, I would demand him to help me pick one out for myself. I would knowing full well that he didn’t want anything to do with me.

I took a deep breath before I ran behind a big desk on the floor. Guards immediately started swarming into the room. There were mostly basic guards, but I did see a couple of engineers. They could easily make things a lot more deadly for me. For that reason, I had to take them out first.

I went into cloak and ran to the opposite side of the room, taking cover behind a pillar in the room. Before my cloak deactivated, I managed to get the enemies’ layouts. They were scattered, but I’d also placed myself well. No one was behind me, and everyone was focused on the spot I’d been in. I also had some luck, as the three engineers were huddled together in the same spot.

I set of a huge mass incinerate at where the engineers were before hiding in cover again. Their shields shattered immediately as they frantically looked around to see where the shot came from. I now had an opening. I quickly scoped out the three engineers in the room and put a single bullet between their eyes, downing them in an instant.

This did alert the guards to where I was. No matter, just because the potential big threats were gone. I changed between sitting and standing up to finish them all off. A couple of minutes later, all the guards were gone. I’d killed about twelve in total on my own. I decided to look around for thermal clips, as I’d started to get low. Luckily I found a lot of them and I even stashed a couple of extra ones in my belt, just in case. I went over to a console with another personal log and played it.

The longer we’re here, the more I’m convinced that the Project must be stopped. We simply don’t know enough about what the Reapers want. It’s foolish to assume that the Reapers mean doom for the galaxy. Legends say they’ve come through before, and yet life continues, doesn’t it?

I decided to ignore it this time. This was just the ramblings of someone indoctrinated and I shook my head as I went over to a bigger console. That bigger console looked mighty important, like it controlled something I wanted to mess with. It had the same type of countdown above it as I’d seen before. A VI started to talk to me just as I approached it.

Welcome to Project Control.

This was now the moment of truth and I had to activate it. “I want to activate the Project.”

Warning. Activating the Project will result in an estimated three hundred and five thousand casualties. Do you wish to proceed?

The VI slowly showed me the number of lives that would be on my conscience. 304 942. Three hundred and four thousand nine hundred and forty two. I breathed a little heavier as tears filled my eyes. This felt so bad. Playing god wasn’t what I wanted to do at all. We wouldn’t survive a Reaper invasion now. We weren’t prepared for it. Could we ever be prepared for it? Would we ever survive a Reaper invasion?

Would these people die for nothing, if I did it?

But what choice did I have? I had to give us a chance to actually be able to do it. So I took a deep breath and went ahead with activating this project. My guilt for being a mass murderer could eat me up alive afterwards, even if I knew this was the right thing to do. I pushed the activation button as a tear trailed down my cheek. The thrusters on the asteroid immediately activated. It made me stumble for a second, before I regained my posture.

Project activation in progress. Warning: Collision with mass relay is imminent. Begin evacuation procedures.

I realized I did have time to warn the batarians in the system and this was the time to do so. If they had a chance to make it out alive, then I needed to try. Fuck my reputation or the consequences I would get for doing this. Making sure people survived was the important thing. I opened a comm link immediately.

“Alert: All colonists living in the Bahak system: This is...” I started but was quickly interjected by Kenson.

“Shepard! No! Do you have any idea what you’ve done? You leave me no choice. If we can’t stop this asteroid, it must be destroyed!” She said almost screaming at me.

She seriously wanted to blow up the asteroid and that meant that I had to get to her before it was too late. “Tell me where to find Doctor Amanda Kenson.”

Doctor Kenson is traveling to the reactor core module.

Smart move. I would have done the same. I immediately understood she was planning to overheat it. She even confirmed it as her head popped back up on the screen in front of me.

“An eezo core meltdown should do it. Because of you, everyone on this rock will be obliterated!” She said frantically.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Not if I get to you first.”

I ran to the corridor the guards had come through with my M-5 out. From the elevator in front of me, two guards appeared. I quickly killed them, just before they could react. I took the elevator down and found Kenson behind a console, but she was far away from me. On the other side of some sort of separation, of course. She gave me a crazed look when she saw me in front of her.

“Don’t try to stop me, Shepard. I have to do this.” She said.

“I’ve already activated the Project. We can still escape this rock!” I told her, apparently because I wanted there to be some hope of saving her.

She laughed at me. “There is no escape. There’s no redemption for what you’ve done. I will die never having seen the Reapers’ blessings. And you will just die.”

Yeah, I already knew that there was no hope for this crazy woman. She was gone way too far. I knew right then and there that she would have to be manually stopped by me at some point. Right now she was making my, and every other person in this galaxy’s lives difficult. It infuriated me.

“Damn it, Kenson!” I shouted at her.

She ran and motioned for two guards to attack me. I didn’t have time to play with them. I shot them both with my M-5 and ran right after Kenson.

Safety protocols engaged. Core temperature rising.

The VI’s warnings were ringing through my head. I saw its station but was met by three more guards. Again I just shot them dead with my M-5. I didn’t have time to be fancy with this right now. I had to do this the fast and easy way. To make sure innocents died, I realized conflicted. No, this was the right thing to do. I reloaded my M-5 before I went up to the VI’s console. A rod had been ejected from it.

“How do I stabilize the reactor core?” I asked the VI.

All automatic safety protocols have been overridden. To stabilize the reactor core: Manually insert Cooling Rod A from this control station. Manually insert Cooling Rod B from Control Station B. Doing so will stabilize the reactor core.

I looked down at the rod that was sticking out, and gathered that this couldn’t really be anything other than that. I pushed it back in and locked it in place.

Cooling Rod A inserted. Reactor cooling process has begun.

I scoped the area and found the second control station behind a locked door. I tried to override it, but it wouldn’t work. Seemed like Kenson had fried the locks so hard that I couldn’t go through the normal way. I had to circle around to get to it. Of course she would make my life difficult.

I went in the opposite direction until I was met by an elevator. Why did guards always ride these elevators? The two that were there died quickly, but still. It was strange. I took the elevator down. Exiting the elevator, I saw a room being vented with plasma. It was also my only way forward, I realized with a shudder. This was certain death.

Luckily, the controls for it were right in front of me. I turned it off and ran through the plasma vented room. As soon as I reached the other side, I heard it starting up again. Holy shit. Some luck on my side, because I would’ve died if I got caught in that mess. I counted my lucky stars right then and there. Maybe someone was praying for my safety, even.

Two guards were waiting for me at the other side. Fortunately, they didn’t have to wait for me for too long. They died quickly as well. I followed the corridor, until I came to a room that looked like a maintenance area with even more guards in it. I mean… they died. I went into cloak and took care of them, just like I did with all other guards in here. Didn’t have time to be flashy with it.

But this took me to a dead end. I didn’t see a way forward and at first I thought I was trapped in here. Looking more closely at my surroundings, I saw a big flammable container. Behind it was a ventilation duct. Why not, right? I placed a shot at it and it blew right up. It also blew in the vent and that allowed me to crawl through until I came to an open room.

“This is Williams. I’ve got Shepard locked in the maintenance area. Requesting backup.” I head a guard say behind a corner.

He hadn’t noticed I’d escaped. Properly fed up with this, I went into cloak and walked up behind him with my M-5 out. I just ended up popping him in the head. Too focused on the mission to not care about anything else right now. Like a proper fucking infiltrator, I realized. And that was exactly the kind of mission this was. The mission objective – killing a bunch of innocent people – was all that mattered.

He was standing at a console and it looked like where the security had been locked down from. I overrode it and my path to the second cooling rod was clear. My M-5 still in my hands, I continued to the nearby elevator I saw. There were two guards in it, which I already expected, and they died before they could react.

The elevator took me up a level. As I went out of it, I saw another elevator in front of me. I guess this made sense. I’d been going down for a while now and needed to go up to get to where I needed to go. I went towards it and got surprised. No guards, huh? As soon as the doors opened up after the ride was done, I was fired upon. I quickly ran into cover while my shields took a few hits.

I noticed one of the guards was a pyrotechnician. He had a flamethrower in his hands and was ready to grill me. I needed to take him out first before that happened. I went into cloak, rolled out of cover with my M-5 in my hands, shot the gas tank on his back, before I rolled back into cover.

A trickling sound came from the canisters on his back for a few second and the poor man panicked as it happened. He then started to scream as he got covered in fire within mere seconds. He stumbled around in a panic and then he just exploded. The explosion took out the other guards in the room for me. That was a satisfyingly efficient kill and it made me smile. Besides, something went ‘boom.’ That was never not fun.

The next room was free of guards and I was also happy to see that the second cooling rod was here. Finally. After circling through this damned building, I had finally found it. I quickly inserted it again with a relieved sigh.

Cooling Rod B reinserted. Reactor meltdown averted. Core temperature dropping.

I sighed in relief but this battle wasn’t over. I still needed stop Kenson before she would stop this plan from working again. An elevator was in front of me. By my calculations, it would take me straight down to where Kenson was. That was perfect, so I walked into it and rode it to the lower floor.

Just as I stepped out, I saw Kenson frantically working on a console. A detonator was in her hand and it looked like she was placing a bomb here. This probably wouldn’t hurt anything, just because I had averted the reactors from overheating. It looked to be a small bomb. This would hurt both her and me, though, so I got my M-5 out and pointed it at her.

“Step away from the reactor.” I demanded to her.

“You’ve ruined everything! I can’t hear the whispers anymore.” Kenson yelled at me through tears of what sounded like pain and longing.

“Turn around now!” I demanded again.

“You’ve taken them away from me. I will never see the Reapers’ arrival.” She said while turning around towards me.

She was ready to activate the detonator and blow us up. That meant I had to do something. I quickly placed a bullet in her heart before that could happen. She started to stumble as she finally died. Or so I thought. As Kenson fell to the ground, I saw that she managed to press the detonator anyway. The explosion threw me against the wall and I lost consciousness.

Fuck. I should’ve gone for the headshot.

--

Warning: Collision imminent.

I woke up to the VI warning me about the collision. I groaned as I got on my feet. I could feel a couple of ribs had been broken from the blast and some blood was tricking out of my mouth. It hurt to breathe, though not like it had done on Palaven. This didn’t matter, though. Not right now. I had no medi-gel on me, anyway.

I looked at the console Kenson was standing by before. The countdown above me told me the Reapers would arrive in just under 30 minutes. Shit. I had to move. My breath quickened and I opened my comm link in a hurry.

“Joker, it’s Shepard. I need a pick up. Now.” I said between painful breaths.

Communication system damaged.

“Damn it!” I said as tears started to fill my eyes.

This was it, huh? I came back to life to only die again in some stupid personal mission for Hackett. My mind went to Garrus again. He had comforted me once before when I died. He could do it again. But I wanted to see him one last time, even if he didn’t want to see me. I wanted to tell him what I felt about him and listen to him reject me so I could stop thinking about it all the time. I would force him to talk if I made it out of here alive. Or I could go the petty route, I guess.

But that wasn’t going to happen this time. I could fantasize all I wanted, but I wouldn’t be so lucky. I was just about to die.

Evacuation protocols in effect. All personnel report to escape shuttles.

Did the VI just say escape shuttles? All wasn’t lost anyway. My breath quickened again as I understood there still was a small sliver of hope left.

“Where can I find an escape shuttle?” I asked out loud.

Take the lift from this room to the external access. From there, proceed to the communications tower. The remaining escape shuttles will be located on the tower’s landing pad.

I gathered myself for a second. There was a communications tower there as well. I had to warn Joker to get the hell out of there as soon as possible, preferably with me safely on board. If that couldn’t happen, then I guess we would meet up somewhere safe after we’d both gotten the fuck out of this system. But this definitely was my only chance. However broken and beaten I felt, I had to try.

I walked to the elevator and went to the airlock. This as an asteroid, so I knew there wouldn’t be any atmosphere outside. That’s why I put my helmet on and waited for the decompression to finish before I could head outside.

As the doors opened, I was met by quite the sight. In the background was the Alpha relay and were closing in on it quickly. I wasn’t too sure, but it couldn’t be more than fifteen minutes before we would all die. The other thing I noticed, was the horde of guards all over the area in front of me.

I immediately went into cloak and stumbled into cover. Scoping the area carefully, I could count at least twelve of them at various distances. Maybe there were more – I really didn’t care about counting now. I got my Black Widow out and went to work. The first seven were easy enough to take out. I needed to change my position for the next wave of them. I went into cloak and went in cover to my right, behind some metal crates.

“No! That was the last shuttle!” I heard a guard cry out.

That was the message I didn’t need to hear right now. I had no way to escape on my own now. What I needed, was for the comm tower to let me talk to Joker. I hope the best pilot in the galaxy was listening in, because this would be tight. The next wave of guards were quickly killed, just because I had enough and needed to move to live. I wanted to, so I didn’t fuck around right now.

At that moment, I heard the second thing that I really didn’t want to hear now: the familiar stomping of a YMIR mech. This was the last thing I needed. I was fatigued, hungry, hurt and in a slight adrenaline-fueled panic. Even if I were all of those things, I needed to try my best. And in my mind, my motivation right now had to be simple. I settled on it being able to see Garrus’ stupid face again.

The mech was at a great distance right now, so I decided I needed to lay into it for it to die as fast as possible. I set off an incinerate, before I started to tickle it with my Black Widow. My plan worked, as it was almost dead, but I was out of ammo for my Black Widow. I had to use my M-5, which I really didn’t want to do right now.

My cloak was still charging up and my shields were shattered. I needed to take my chances here, just because time was a problem for me. I waited for the mech to pause for a reload. As soon as it did, I emptied the clip of my M-5 into it. Unfortunately, I felt it hit me with a couple of shots. I was hit in my left leg and shoulder. My plan worked, though, as the mech exploded and went down, but I was badly hurt and bled a lot. I still didn’t have any medi-gel on me so I would just have to deal with it.

The comm towers were easy to find and I ran limply over to the comm tower and activated it. Everything hurt so much. The adrenaline kept me going through it, though.

External comm channel open.

I opened the comm link and prayed someone was listening. “Shepard to Normandy. Joker, do you read me?”

No answer. I waited for a few long seconds. Tears were running down my cheeks from both pain and stress. I tried again.

“Do you read me, Joker?” I said again with a shakier voice.

But no answer came. Fuck. I leaned my head on the console as the realization of my time being over hit me. I also realized I was the last person alive on this rock. I would actually die here alone. Why that made me sad, I didn’t know.

“Please… someone…” I begged one last time.

I didn’t have too much time to think more about it. Something caught my attention to my right and it was an apparition that manifested itself. I glanced towards it. It was a huge projection of a Reaper and I recognized it from my vision with the artifact. This was Harbinger.

Shepard. You have become an annoyance. You fight against inevitability. Dust struggling against cosmic winds. This seems a victory to you. A star system sacrificed. But even now, your greatest civilizations are doomed to fall. Your leaders will beg to serve us.

I looked up at it and started to limp towards it. As broken and wounded as I felt, I would be damned if I let some AI scare me in my final moments. I had helped kill one before. I could certainly do it again.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe we can’t win this. But we’ll fight you regardless, just like we did Sovereign. Just like I’m doing now. However ‘insignificant’ we might be, we will fight, we will sacrifice, and we will find a way. That’s what organics do.” I answered menacingly as I kept staring it down.

Know this as you die in vain: Your time will come. Your species will fall. Prepare yourselves for the Arrival.

The answer came after a couple of seconds of silence. Then it just disappeared like it had never been there before. I fell to my knees and looked at the Alpha Relay. Again, I wasn’t too sure, but it looked like I only had maybe five minutes left before I would die.

The adrenaline was wearing off and the pain from my injuries was catching up to me. At least I’d managed to buy the galaxy some time before the invasion would start. No one would ever know, though. That was the big bummer in all of this. My thoughts went to all the people that would die from this blast and I gave a silent apology to them for sacrificing them for no reason.

I guess me dying with them was the poetic justice I deserved for doing this.

My thoughts then went to Garrus again and I calmed down as I understood he at least was safe. Or was he? If Joker didn’t get the Normandy out of this system, then they would all die. He had to notice what was going on, though. It was just too bad that none had been listening to the comms. He would have to go without me.

Commander Shepard. Normandy inbound for pick-up.

I stiffened and looked up to see the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. The Normandy driven by the best pilot in the galaxy coming to pick me up. Joker didn’t have time to land, but I didn’t care. He opened the airlock by the comm tower. I got on my feet as fast as I could and limply ran towards the tower. I jumped with all the strength I had left in me, before the airlock closed behind me.

I frantically told Joker to get us out of here and that I didn’t care where we would go. Just away from this system. I had been saved. Now was the time to see if this ship could be saved. Because I was stressed as fuck. If we didn’t get out fast enough, we would all die from either the explosion or the Reapers. I didn’t want neither to happen.

From Joker, I ran to the galaxy map. I noticed almost everyone was here in the C.I.C., except for Garrus and Karin. They all looked at me both in shock and relief as I pulled myself up to the perch and stared at the galaxy map. Drops of red escaped various parts of my body and slowly trickled out of my mouth. Joker had already gone through the Alpha relay. We were safe from the explosion itself but I studied the map to see if my plan had worked.

I didn’t have to wait long at all. A big shockwave came out from where the relay was on the map. After a few seconds, the relay itself vanished from the map completely. Congratulations, Mikaela. You’re now a mass murderer. I fell to my knees and started to cry as a lot of different emotion ran through my body.

Sorrow for all those innocent people dying. Relief for managing to stop the Reapers by having those people killed. Guilt for feeling relieved. Then it was the physical pain. That was catching up to me now. Hunger and exhaustion were next. Just a mess inside my head.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and glanced up to see Kelly looking at me concerned. “Shepard, we need to get you to the med-bay. Come on, I’ll help you down.”

I didn’t answer her but I nodded and accepted her help. I couldn’t say anything behind my sobs, anyway. This was too difficult to handle right now. She led me to the elevator and pushed the button for the third floor. As we rode it down, I felt myself starting to lose consciousness. My eyes were heavy and wanted to close. I swayed. I guess the blood loss and exhaustion were to blame for that.

Kelly begged me to stay awake, but that was extremely tough. Sleeping just sounded so good right now, like something I really wanted to do. What ended up stopping me, was someone suddenly being in front of me.

As the elevator doors opened by the third floor, I looked up to see Garrus standing there staring at me in shock. He looked so tired. Exhausted. Worried out of his mind. Why did he look like that? I think he also said something. No, I think he actually demanded something from me. His mouth moved as if it did, but I couldn’t hear what he said. I only managed to stare into his blue eyes and offer up a small smile. Then I finally collapsed and passed out.

Chapter Text

I had asked EDI to let me know as soon as Mika stepped onto the ship. While it didn’t come the same day as she left, I gathered that it could’ve been a bigger mission than what I thought it would be. Then another day passed and I started to get nervous. This seemed like a long time for a simple infiltration mission. But it didn’t just take one day. Oh no.

Two days. Mika was missing for two damned days. No word. No signal. Nothing to let us know that she was even alive. No one knew where she was. Of course I was worried out of my damned mind. I couldn’t eat. I barely slept. I monitored the comm links constantly in hope of catching a signal from her. Nothing. Absolute silence for two days. And then it suddenly came. It was small and she sounded so defeated as she begged for someone to please find her.

I locked right in on it and told Joker right away. She was on the asteroid that was on course to collide with the mass relay in the area and we saved her with what had to be only a few minutes to spare. EDI actually did end up telling me that she had boarded the ship, just like I told her to. Felt a little redundant, but I wouldn’t fault her for doing what she was told. I was making my way up to the CIC to go meet her, but ended up looking at her tired, mangled and bloody body as she rode the elevator to the third floor.

I demanded her to tell me where she had been and what had happened, but I don’t think she heard me. This recklessness was far beyond the limit she normally would cross. Her teary eyes looked at me with a curious expression. Then she smiled and I caught her just before she hit the ground. Carried her straight over to the med-bay after that, of course. Even yelled at her for being so damned reckless as I did.

This time I was kicked out as Karin and Mordin did their magic and saved her life. She needed blood transfusions. They operated on her. I paced back and forth along the med-bay and waited for clearance to enter so I could stay with her. But they didn’t allow me inside this time. It infuriated me, but what could I do about that? If I would be in the way, then I had to back off.

So I spent time doing other things while she spent two more days in the med-bay. Took care of her weapons and armor. Made sure they were in perfect order. After spending two years keeping up with her weapons, I knew them like they were my own now. They were modded differently than mine were. Her M-5 had a silencer and a cranial trauma mod. It was always so fun to see that cranial trauma mod in action. The gun was so silent and with no recoil at all, and it really didn’t match the damage that was left behind.

Her Black Widow – her pride and joy – was modded very interestingly. She had a silencer on that one, too. Thermal scope, which was interesting, though very smart since she didn’t have a visor. A spare shot, so she had four shots to play with. And lastly, she added a high-velocity barrel for extra damage. Hard-hitting and silent. Those mods made it clear that she knew what she was doing.

As soon as EDI told me she was in her loft – I told her to update me about that – I went right up to settle this now. Her almost dying – again – made that fire to settle this burn even hotter within me. She needed the truth from me, however painful it would be to tell her, and however painful it would be to see her reaction.

I also needed to ask if she wanted more. I was fully prepared for a no when she learned the truth. But again, apologizing and her hopefully forgiving me were the most important things. Our friendship meant everything to me. I was determined to not lose it, and it was time that I acted like that was true.

Mika was in the shower when I entered and I heard her sing while she was in there. She actually was a very good singer and it surprised me to learn that she was. A lot of hidden talents on that woman. On that shore leave she spent with me before she died – still so strange to think that happened, even more that she was alive – I signed her up for karaoke as a joke. But she turned it around by being very able to sing, and by making sure the sap got elevated to a whole different level. I could still hear her in my head as she stood there and presented her song.

I dedicate this song to my best friend: C-Sec Officer Garrus Vakarian. He’s right there. Everybody give him a hand.

She pointed to where I was and people actually applauded as a light got cast on me. And then she sang what probably ended up being the most sap-filled song I think I’d ever heard. And old Earth song – she said that herself. And she gesticulated it so dramatically as she sang it while keeping her eyes locked with mine.

Did I ever tell you you’re my hero? You’re everything I wish I could be. I can climb higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It was painful. You bet your ass I recorded it. Other people did, too, and it ended up circulating on the extranet. It actually became very popular for a lot of different reasons. She obviously could sing very well. She was also the hero of the Citadel, a celebrity. Other than that, I think it was just the fact that she was dedicating a song to someone else that did it. And she gave my full name and job title, making it easy to know who it was she was singing for.

Some rumors circulated around because of that, saying that her and I were a thing. I had to admit that I didn’t do anything to quell them. Though they died fairly quickly on their own and got replaced by that rumor saying her and Alenko were a thing. I never believed it to be true before I shot myself in the foot two years later. Mika was always so honest with what she felt for him and I still cursed myself for not just taking her word for it or even thinking it was possible that this was Cerberus’ doing.

I went down to her nightstand, just because I had to see the picture for myself. As soon as I closed in on it, it popped up. An older picture. C-Sec photo. Chakwas really had made me understand how much of a blind fool I had been. She even gave me the same privilege to her loft that she had. I was the only one with that. It all made sense. How frustratingly blind could one person be?

But dwelling on that didn’t help anyone, so I went back up and sat in the chair by her desk. Not being able to help myself, I fiddled with the frames and no pictures popped up. She had actually deleted it as soon as she realized it was there. Damn it. It made me even more angry at myself, but I didn’t need anger now. I needed resolve and to be humble.

I turned the chair around to face the doors to her bathroom. They suddenly opened up and she exited. She gasped and screamed as she saw me sitting there and immediately covered herself. Because she was naked. Just as naked as the day she was born.

“What the fuck?!” She yelled.

I closed my eyes and turned my head away from her, while struggling to say anything at all. “Oh. Uhm…”

“Why didn’t you tell me you came in?” She demanded, and that was a very fair question.

“I, uh. I don’t know. I’m sorry.” I apologized.

“Don’t open your eyes until I’m dressed!” She demanded again.

“Uh-huh. I can do that.” I agreed while nodding, still keeping my eyes closed.

Spirits. What in the damned world? Why didn’t I just say something to let her know that I was in here? That was so incredibly awkward. This had to be strike one. I sincerely hoped she didn’t think I was a creep waiting around just to see her naked. Because while I absolutely wanted to see her naked, I didn’t want to do that without her consent. Stupid nerves. What a damned idiot I was.

The scent from the bathroom infiltrated me as she walked around her loft to get dressed. Human soaps and scents were interesting. Most turian scents were toned down. Earthy. Calm. The fact that humans even separated men and women things stunned me. It wasn’t like that in turian culture. Different scents existed, but everything was targeted for everyone.

Most human scents were sharp, especially the ones targeted towards men. Like Alenko or Jacob. They always smelled sharp, reminding me of human tobacco. It was an interesting scent, though not one I personally liked. I gathered that they wore cologne. That wasn’t common in turian culture, though some did wear it.

But Mika seemed to like soaps that smelled calm and sweet. Vanilla was a good one and I could smell that she had used that sugar scrub in the shower. She also used something that also smelled even calmer than that. Sweet still and it somewhat reminded me of vanilla. I wondered what that was. Her hair usually smelled like that while her body smelled of vanilla whenever she used that scrub. I would have to remember to ask what it was one day.

“You can open them now.” Mika suddenly told me.

I opened my eyes and turned around to face her. She was standing by the controls to her sound system and wore her hoodie with some loose and comfortable looking pants that hid her body. Dressed for comfort, and I understood that. She had been on a tough mission on her own. Two days planet-side and two days in the med-bay. She needed the comfort. But I was here to talk, so I got to my feet and decided to apologize first.

“I’m sorry. I should have announced myself.” I apologized.

“Yes. You should have. What are you doing here?” She agreed and asked sternly.

“I came to talk.” I told her.

“I kinda wanna be petty about that.” She admitted after a few minutes of silence.

I nodded as I understood what she was talking about. “I deserve it. Give me your best impression.”

“Maybe some other time? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”

She even turned around with her back to me and glanced over her shoulder as she said it. I stifled a laugh as she was done copying me, while simultaneously cursing myself for ever acting like that around her. That was incredibly demeaning to hear and look at, and I understood why she wanted to be petty about it.

“That was spot on. Feel good?” I wondered.

“Nah, it didn’t feel good. Because as much as I want to be petty, I can’t deny that I want to hear this. What are you here to talk about? Are you finally going to tell me why you’ve been pushing me away? Because it sure as hell wasn’t Sidonis.” She wondered just as sternly.

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Why have you?” She demanded.

She was just so stern and close to being outright hostile. I knew I didn’t deserve anything else, but it made it more difficult to talk about this with her. It made me nervous. Even more nervous than I already was. It felt like she would snap in an instant, and of course I didn’t want that. A chuckle then escaped her as she kept watching me closely.

“Oh, this looks like it’s gonna be good. I can feel your nerves from all the way over here.” She noted.

“You have every right to be angry and disappointed. I have been treating you badly lately. I want you to know that I am very sorry about that and I hope you can forgive me.” I apologized to her.

Silence for a few seconds. She looked stern and angry for a while, but then it changed. Her face contorted and it looked like she was holding back tears. She lost the battle, because they broke free and ran down her cheeks shortly after. Her breath even staggered. I hated seeing her cry. It always managed to break my heart on a deep level.

“I want to be angry with you, Garrus. I really do. But the fact is that I just miss you. It’s been hurting me more than it’s made me angry. I’ve never once been angry with you. Just confused.” She admitted through her tears.

I completely understood and apologized again. “I’m so sorry. You never deserved that.”

“What finally made you come talk to me?” She asked a little more calmly after wiping away the tears.

“A lot of different variables. Mom talked to me while she was dressing my burn. I told her what was up and she… politely told me how much of an idiot I was. The fact that you almost died. Again. That’s one. But the most important one is that I don’t want to lose you from my life ever again. That’s why I need to be completely honest with you and tell you what’s been going on.” I explained.

She didn’t say anything, but she looked at me and nodded at my explanation. It was obvious that she appreciated hearing that, though she was waiting to hear me explain my actions to her. How to do this? It was time to be a turian. Just jump in with both feet. Get the anger over with. I really didn’t want to, but she deserved the truth, so I took a deep breath and went for it.

“When we had dinner here, I borrowed your bathroom. Then I took a curious look at your desk and… I saw something.” I started.

She chuckled and joked. “What, you saw the picture of Kaidan or something?”

Hitting the nail on the head with a joke. Mika always had good instincts. She could’ve been a pretty good C-Sec investigator, because that was exactly what was going on. The fact that I didn’t answer right away and just looked at her with what had to be a guilty face, made it so her expression changed to a more shocked one. She looked at me like I had just rammed a dreadnought into her stomach, and then the tears continued to run down her face.

“That’s it, isn’t it? Is our friendship worth so little to you that a fucking picture makes you panic?” She asked.

“No. Please don’t say that, because that’s not true. There’s more.” I assured her.

“More… I don’t know how much more I want to take.” She said through some sobs.

“I need to tell you why, and I have something to ask you.” I told her.

“Let’s get it over with. Whenever you’re ready.” She said while nodding.

I took another deep breath. “The reason that picture kept me away were for my own selfish reasons, I realize. I didn’t want to… cause issues. Be a third wheel. I never believed that rumor about Alenko and you, but when I saw that picture I just… I got nervous. Second-guessed myself. Too scared to ask, when I should’ve just done it. I just assumed it was true.”

“Why, though?” She asked confused.

“Because I’ve had a thing for you for a long time.” I admitted.

Her heart rate went right up through the roof and into the black void outside this ship as soon as the words left my mouth. Like she hadn’t expected that. I wasn’t sure if that was because it was something she wanted to hear, or if it was because of something else. Stress? It was impossible to read her at that moment.

“And what’s the question you had?” She carefully asked.

Moment of truth, and I took another deep breath before asking. “I fully expect you to say no and I realize this is the worst time to ask. But I’m done wasting time, so I’ll ask anyway. Would you be interested in seeing if we could be something more than just friends?”

She chuckled as more tears left her eyes. “You wanna know what makes that painful? I’ve been trying to aimlessly talk to you to ask the very same thing. I finally gave up after I helped you with Sidonis. That was my final straw. I couldn’t take you pushing me away anymore.”

“I understand.” I silently admitted while nodding.

A rejection and it was deserved. I had gotten those before, but this one hurt a lot. Or was it a rejection? It wasn’t as direct as I expected it to be. It was an explanation of what had happened, not her giving me yes or no. Though it certainly seemed like I would be getting a no. The fact that she was openly crying more and more intensely also told me it would be a no.

“Can you just give me a couple of hours to gather my thoughts? I need to think and I’m not in my right mind right now.” She asked.

“Of course. I’ll head down.” I told her.

The walk back to the batteries was a silent and quick one. Kept myself stoic and calm while I did it, too. Just like dad, I gathered. I didn’t want everyone to see what was about to go down when I closed the doors behind me.

Because as they did, I had no idea what to do or how to react. She wanted to give me an answer later. She needed to gather her thoughts because she didn’t feel like she was in her right mind. That was fine. I completely understood that. I asked at the worst possible time and I hit her with a dreadnought worth of information when I told her the reason why I had been staying away from her. She wanted to process and decide later. I had to respect that.

But her crying like that, telling me how hurt she had been over my actions, telling me that she wanted to bring up the same for so damned long… it was too much for me. I ended up locking my console and buried my face into my hands. My elbows rested on the console as I did and I couldn’t stop myself. I started keening, what Mika would call crying.

What had I done? What if this was ruined forever now? What then? I didn’t want to lose her friendship. Never mind us, it was her friendship that I really didn’t want to ruin at all. And now I had and it broke me. Chakwas had been wrong. Mika wouldn’t forgive me for this at all. She thought I thought our friendship was worth so little that a picture scared me away. That hurt. But I understood why she said that. I was so sure she would lay it on me when she came back and I would deserve every part of the verbal beating I got.

I ended up standing like that for a while. The keening stopped just as I heard my doors open up behind me. I completely turned around as soon as I saw that it was Mika. That didn’t take too long at all. An hour, maybe? Her eyes and face weren’t red from crying anymore. She had even changed her clothes, now wearing tight-fitted clothing. Jeans and a tank top, and what looked to be high heels. She stepped inside so the doors closed behind her and ended up in front of me.

“Mika.” I greeted.

“Hey.” She greeted back.

“Hello.” I said, like a nervous idiot.

She chuckled at the awkward double greeting. I kept quiet. Nerves, nerves, nerves. Apprehension. This was so new and so uncomfortable for me. I was acting like a teenager, I realized. This was like those times I tried to pick up women in my youth for the first time. Luckily she sensed how nervous I was and took control of the situation.

“I had a good talk with mom, too. It helped me sort out my thoughts and I needed that. I once assumed and spent almost half a year thinking about something I could’ve just asked about right away. If you’re feeling the same I did back then, then I won’t make that regret you’re feeling any worse than what it is right now. I know how painful it is. Besides, I can’t really fault you for making the same mistake that I once made. That would be hypocritical.” She told me calmly.

Right. I had forgot about that. Vitorius. This was also something she had told me before. Not stewing in her thoughts anymore and just jump in with both feet to ask. Why didn’t I learn when she told me that? Probably because I was in her situation for the first time myself. And she hit the nail on the head. That was exactly what I was feeling. Regret.

“That is what I’m feeling.” I confirmed with a nod.

“Thank you for finally telling me what was up. You also apologized, so let’s get that out of the way. Of course I forgive you, Garrus. Our friendship is probably the most important thing to me, and I don’t ever want to lose it. On some level, it also feels a little assuring to see that you have your own insecurities. You’re always so confident and sure of yourself.” She said.

“Thank you?” I asked, not sure if that was a good thing.

“Yes, it’s a compliment. That picture got placed there by Cerberus, by the way. I noticed it after Horizon and that’s also when I changed it out to something else. I’ll say it once more, just so we’re clear. Nothing ever happened between Kaidan and I. Can we just move on from it? Start fresh and forget it happened?” She suggested.

“I’d like that.” I agreed right away.

It turned out that Chakwas actually was right, but I couldn’t help but feel like luck was on my side, too for accepting my apology. That was the most important thing. It made me calm down. But she didn’t necessarily say anything else. She just smiled and watched me with that smile. It felt wrong to push for an answer, but… were the stars also aligned in my favor today? What about us? Did I still have a chance?

“Good. Curious question, though. How are the guns on this ship?” She wondered.

The guns? Seriously? That was her main concern right now? She walked over to the console and leaned her upper body over it after she asked, resting her weight on her elbows. She had to have seen that it was locked. Right?

Her back arched ever so slightly, and I was left with a good view of her perked out ass. Those heels seemed to tone the muscles in her legs in a pleasant way and it also made her ass perkier. Her waist was so narrow and her hips were so wide. Such a damned turn-on. I stood close behind her and I stared. Shamelessly. Couldn’t help myself.

“Upgraded from the last Normandy.” I managed to tell her.

“But?” She asked.

“We should upgrade them to have a better chance against the Collectors. The Hierarchy’s made thanix guns from Sovereign’s tech. It’s basically the same kind of cannon it had, though on a smaller scale.” I explained.

“Is that something you can get blueprints for?” She said while glancing over her shoulder.

The way she glanced over her shoulder made her ass perk out even more. Was she doing this on purpose? I had subconsciously taken steps towards her from behind and I ended up fairly close to her. It was like her ass had a magnet that pulled me in. Tali was right. Her ass was round and firm, yet soft at the same time. Turians didn’t have asses like hers, but I still enjoyed touching it two years ago. I sincerely hoped I could again.

I moved my eyes from her ass to her eyes and smiled. “I already have them.”

“Send them to me. I’ll make sure it happens. Give you some new toys to play with.” She told me.

Then she backed up from my console so she bumped into me. Ass to groin. On purpose, I was sure of it this time. As she straightened out, she ended up being flush with my front. Fuck, I wanted to touch her so badly, but I still held out. My hands balled to fists just to be sure I didn’t. I did bend down to get closer to her ear, though.

“I’d rather play with you.” I whispered and immediately regretted saying it as soon as the words left my mouth.

“Oof. That was… a little cringy.” She admitted.

Yes. That’s exactly why I regretted saying it, too. That was awkward. Painfully awkward. I was just happy that my face couldn’t get red like hers could. I would’ve been outed right away. She turned around and leaned her back against my console while looking me up and down. Checking me out? This seemed… promising.

“Do you always just wear your undersuit on this ship?” She asked.

“Most of the time.” I answered with a shrug.

“Hm. I wonder what it looks like on my floor.” She wondered and bit her lower lip.

I cocked a brow plate. “Better than it does on me?”

“I don’t know. You do look mighty fine in that undersuit.” She answered after a chuckle.

This was us flirting, and while it was nice, I needed an answer. I took a step closer to her, ending up almost flush to her front. I needed her answer before I completely let myself calm down, and allowed that happiness brewing inside me spread completely. She looked into my eyes with such soft eyes. Intense, though still soft. I swallowed my nerves down and took a deep breath before asking.

“Have you made up your mind about us?” I asked her.

“You think I would go out of my way to flirt with you if I hadn’t?” She asked slyly.

That was a yes in my book. I picked her up and sat her on my console quickly, which made her gasp at the sudden movement. Leaning on my arms on the outside of her body, I noticed that she spread her legs and allowed me to get closer. I didn’t really waste time, and did that right away, while her arms quickly wrapped themselves around my neck. No, I needed to touch her, I decided, and moved my arms around her instead.

“You’re gonna answer all of my questions with a question going forward?” I teased.

“Maybe?” She teased with a smile.

“This is new to me, softy. This… interspecies thing. The more serious stuff.” I told her honestly.

“I know. On some level, it is to me, too. I think we should start with the basics.” She suggested.

That was really all the information and feedback I needed to get going. I immediately moved in to try and kiss her. Emphasis on try. Mouth plates on the lips. That’s what I remembered, and so I started with that.

Because I wasn’t too sure if I remembered how to do it correctly. It had been over two years since I last tried it. But I pressed my mouth against her very soft lips. A soft little whimper came from her first as I caught her by surprise and took control of the conversation between us. Then she caught up to what I was doing and matched the pacing effortlessly.

What did she like the last time we did this? I seemed to remember that she liked my tongue in her mouth. So as I went in for another kiss, I opened my mouth and put my tongue in her mouth. Remembering what I did the last time, I traced my tongue with hers. Maybe a little too eagerly, because I heard her chuckle under her breath as it happened. That meant that I either was doing good, or I was just being too eager. Wasn’t too sure if she minded either way.

We turians used our tongues a lot during sex, but never in each other’s mouths. That’s why tasting her like this felt so vulgar in a lot of ways. But I was a dirty man and I really liked the way it felt. Mika also tasted good. There was a certain sweet taste to her that I liked. Besides, it felt like we were connecting on a deeper level than I would ever be able to do with someone else. So kissing quickly went on my ‘this was a new experience that I would like to do again’ list. Only with Mika, though.

I slowed down and eventually exited myself from her mouth. As it ended, I connected my crest to her brow and enjoyed the view as I looked at her. Her cheeks were flushed with heat, and it made her freckles and blue eyes pop pleasantly. Her heart rate was also growing steadily. Maybe I didn’t do too bad, after all.

“Not what I meant, smartass, but I won’t stop you from doing that. You’re allergic.” She pointed out to me.

I hummed playfully and thoughtfully. “Am I? This is the second time I’ve had my tongue in your mouth and I’m still standing.”

Deciding to tease her a little, I traced my tongue along her bottom lip. I didn’t expect any big reaction from that, but it apparently did something to her. A sharp intake of breath came from her and shivered throughout her whole body. She liked that. I would have to remember to do it again later. Was she really that sensitive to touch?

Properly curious, I decided to push it a little further just to see what would happen. I very carefully bit her lower lip. Again, I didn’t expect any big reaction from her, but that made her let out a soft moan and her eyes immediately went hazy with what could only be lust. I had seen it once before and that image was burned into my mind. She even pushed herself closer to me and started to tease me back. Licked my neck and gave me a bite near my throat, and it was my turn to shiver as that happened.

Damn. Apparently turning her on was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

“I think you should figure it out and get it fixed if you are. I didn’t just have kissing on my mind with you.” She whispered close to my ear.

I apparently purred out my satisfaction to that sentence automatically and fixed my eyes to hers. My mandibles flickered, and I was close to just saying ‘fuck it’ again. Jump in with both feet. Damned my allergies, and all. Mika’s smile as she watched me was a smug one. She still had it, even after all this time. But like she said, it hadn’t been two years for her.

Last time we did this she straddled me on my bed. As soon as that happened I very much regretted being allergic. She was eager that night, and while I was trying to be a gentleman, that got tossed out of the window fairly quick. The fact that I had no reaction to her when we kissed surprised the both of us, and I was very close to just go for it. Luckily she was the more level-headed one out of the two of us and stopped it before I would go into shock from being horny.

I thought about it after she left for Alchera. While I had no reaction from kissing her, this could be a skin-contact thing. Hardened hide and rough plates weren’t susceptible to allergic reactions, but there was one very delicate part of my body that could set off a reaction. It could mean that something so simple as my cock just touching her skin would send me into an allergic shock. I wasn’t too keen on testing out that hypothesis in practice for very obvious reasons.

I knew Mika wasn’t keen on being the reason for an anaphylactic shock if we tried. That was made clear to me when she demanded that all the tools were laid out to her when we kissed two years ago. She didn’t want me sick and she didn’t want to be the reason of me being sick. I didn’t want to take that chance to only have her be that reason. This meant that we had to ruin the mood and talk about this.

While Mika was shamelessly exploring my body over my undersuit, of course. Made it a little difficult to concentrate.

“That actually brings me to an uncomfortable topic and something embarrassing to tell you.” I admitted.

“Okay? Start with the embarrassing stuff first.” She said.

“When you left after your shore leave, I, uh… I hoped when you came to visit me again that we could continue. I was going to ask about it. So I started taking pills for my allergies.” I admitted sheepishly to her.

She paused her hands and spent a few seconds thinking about what that meant in practice. The implication was that I was already thinking she would agree to continue this between us two years ago. That would be the correct assessment of what I had just said. A little embarrassing to admit, but she just smiled to me as she understood. A sly smile, though.

“Exactly how long has this been on your mind?” She slyly wondered.

“I think I finally started to understand what was going on after you spent your last shore leave with me.” I told her honestly.

“Me, too. That last e-mail I sent to you started as an update. It also had the question if you would want to continue this on a more serious level.” She admitted honestly, too.

“You didn’t tell me about that.” I pointed out.

“I was going to. Then you got weird and left. After that, you’ve been… busy. We’re done with that, anyway. What matters is here and now, and going forward. You assumed I would say yes. You were just preparing yourself by taking pills. I don’t think that’s embarrassing.” She said with a shrug.

“I stopped taking them when I heard that you died.” I told her.

Her brows came together in confusion, as she didn’t understand what that meant. “Couldn’t you just start taking them again?”

“No. It’s weird how they work, but if you stop half-way, then they won’t really work if you start again. It’s like my body gains an immunity to them.” I explained.

She nodded as she understood. Those pills were the cheapest option out of what was available out there. There was another way to get rid of my allergies for good, though. That was a permanent solution, too, but it was way too expensive for me. Mom’s treatments, which I happily helped to pay for, made sure that I had no extra income to play around with. I had no savings. Cerberus wasn’t paying me.

Mika seemed to have the same thought, at least about the other option. It seemed like she necessarily didn’t want to bring it up and I didn’t understand why. Because she didn’t want to be the reason for me doing this? I mean, she kinda would be. Explaining it off in another way would be a half-lie. But I waited and she eventually talked.

“Listen, I’m only mentioning this because I’m scared that you’ll have an allergic reaction. I’m not suggesting this because I want to push you to do it. There’s gene therapy.” She suggested out loud.

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately. I’m working on a human ship. It would be safer. I’m also curious to see if the levo-food is as shitty as the dextro-food is here. It’s something I want to do. That’s the uncomfortable part of it, though. As much as I want to do it, I can’t afford it.” I admitted to her.

“How much is it? The Alliance covered mine and I haven’t really researched the costs around it.” Mika asked.

“Last I checked, it would cost around 200 000.” I answered defeated.

“Woah! Really? That’s more than what my Black Widow cost.” She exclaimed in shock.

A small part of me had hoped that she had a solution in one way or another. Maybe she had a way to pull strings to have the cost of it covered. How? I didn’t know, but Mika could talk and she had connections. But it seemed like she didn’t in this situation and that only defeated me further.

Credits seemed to be the caveat to everything in life. I brought the possibility of us up and now we would have to let it go because of my allergies. We both wanted each other. This was depressing. However much I wanted her, I didn’t want to be in a sexless relationship. I really didn’t think she would want that either. She had been called insatiable before.

“Yeah. So I’m not sure what to do about it.” I admitted defeated again.

She looked at me and changed her tone from a shocked to a confident one. “No, it’s not a problem, Garrus. I was just being cheap for a second. I can pay for it.”

“You can?” I asked stunned.

“Of course I can. I even suggested that in the e-mail I wrote to you.” She assured me with a smile.

She had? I wanted to read that e-mail now, if only to figure out what how deep she had gotten to make sure this would be safe. Would she let me read it if I asked? Maybe I would ask one day. But we were talking 200 000 credits here. I didn’t think she was being cheap for thinking that was a lot. That was a lot of cash. And she said it as if that wouldn’t be anything for her. Was it really nothing for her?

“How loaded are you?” I teased, though I found myself curious to know how loaded she really was.

She chuckled before she answered. “Disgustingly loaded. I checked my accounts after I was declared alive on the Citadel. All my funds from before I died got transferred over. I didn’t even have to pay taxes for those two years, which blows my mind. We made a lot on our way to take Saren down. Killing people for the Alliance also pays pretty well. I got a flat salary plus a bonus for every completed mission. And I did a lot of missions for them. I lived in a sky car. The longest time off I had during those seven years were three days.”

Was she really that cheap with her own comfort? It sounded like she really didn’t have to be. Mika didn’t give any numbers but that made it clear that she definitely had assets to spend. But those were her credits that she had worked very hard for. As much as I wanted to accept, 200 000 still was a lot. But this was what we would need to make sure it was safe and I wanted this. I just needed to make sure it was all right for her.

“Those are your hard earned credits. I can’t accept that.” I carefully and politely said.

“I don’t have a home, I don’t have any family, and I don’t really spend credits on myself. It’s just sitting in my account gathering dust and interest at this point. If I can spend it to help you, then that sounds like a good idea to me.” She assured me after a shrug.

And just like that, we apparently had a plan that would make sure this would be safe for me. A life without allergies. It was one I had never thought about until I became interested in Mika. I never had a reason to seek out relationships outside my own species. She gave me one. More importantly, I could throw away my epinephrine. I could taste her food. I could live without worrying about if something would kill me. I could enjoy her without worrying about dying.

But something seemed to be on Mika’s mind. A thought had struck her and her smile grew more and more as she thought about it. Curious to hear what this was about, I waited for her to tell me.

“But if I wanted to be cheap about it, then I guess I could make Cerberus pay for it. You’re a valued part of my squad and you’re on a human ship. The dossier for you came from the Illusive Man himself. He really wanted you on my team. I would think he would want to make sure you survived. Wouldn’t it be fun if he ended up covering the cost for it?” She suggested with a sly smile.

“‘Human-centric splinter group pays for gene therapy for a turian so he can freely bed his human commander without any worries at all.’” I repeated and she laughed.

“That just sounds too good to not do it. I have to try and see if I can make it happen. If not, then I’ll just pay for it. Just talk to Mordin whenever you want to get started.” She said and trailed her hand down the left side of my face.

“Will you wait, though? It will take some time.” I asked and offered up my crest to her.

“Of course I will. Your safety is important to me. I would’ve covered it for you no matter what. Even if we didn’t turn into anything. Besides, it’ll be worth the wait.” She assured me and connected her brow to me.

This time she took control when she went in for another kiss. She went in a little more softly and ramped it up steadily. Soft kisses met my mouth first, before she went over to open-mouth kissing without any tongue. I took mental notes of what was going on just to make sure I would end up doing this the right way.

Then she snaked her tongue into my mouth. It intrigued me how she so easily avoided my sharp teeth. It wasn’t like they would puncture her right away, but she could experience some discomfort. Though I guess she was a risk-taker. A little danger only excited her.

I met her tongue with my own and decided to let her show me what she liked. She met it and caressed it with hers. I wasn’t too sure what one would call this motion. Swirling? Circling? It felt good. With how she started, I thought it would be a little more careful than I had been. But I was wrong. It was just that she was ramping it up and not just jumping straight into level ten.

Maybe she would jump straight into level ten when the situation called for it. Like when we eventually would have sex.

Her tongue felt so different. A good kind of different, by all means, but still strange in its own way. It was wider, shorter, and softer than mine was, relatively speaking. She had control of it, but not in the same way that I had over mine. My tongue could easily be called a tool. Hers was, too, though it didn’t seem like she had any finesse type of control of it like I had.

Taking some of the control back, I leaned her more to her back on my console, while being careful of her not just falling over by supporting her with one arm. She adjusted and ended up almost lying on it. I grabbed a leg and she gave it to me right away, letting me move it so it rested on my hip. It probably wasn’t the best idea to try and hit level ten right now, but I was eager. As if it was an automatic reaction, she spread her legs more and intensified her kissing.

We kept it going for a long time until I actually had to stop. I needed to, just because I could feel myself getting harder and harder as time went on, and I was starting to slowly and shamelessly rut against her. My undersuit wasn’t really helping the situation either. It was constricting and tight, both creating some good friction and being uncomfortable, and I was getting close to just taking it off.

Remembering that I was an adult and that both of us actually didn’t want me to have an allergic reaction, I slowed down and ended it by connecting my crest to her brow.

“Now that was good.” Mika said and sounded very satisfied as she did.

“I missed you a lot, softy.” I admitted.

“I missed you, too, big guy.” She admitted herself.

Chapter Text

We were on our way to Illium and would end up there tomorrow. Finally seeing Liara again would feel good. This had been postponed long enough. Getting Thane and Samara had been, too. I almost felt bad, though I comforted myself with knowing that they didn’t even know they were getting a pickup. They didn’t know they were waiting for us.

And this mess on Aratoht turned out to be a very important one to solve. Stopping the Reapers from arriving now was incredibly important. Hackett came to debrief me as soon as I was written out of the med-bay. And what he told me… the man had played his cards right – I had to admit that. As soon as this Collector business was over, I had to go stand trial for war crimes on Earth.

I saw that we didn’t need a war with the batarians when the Reapers would invade. I completely understood that. Why I had to take that blame, I logically understood, but it made me bitter. Very bitter. Even more bitter than I felt when he asked me to do this. But I accepted the consequences like the good little soldier I was. Hackett did tell me that he would make sure to hold off the Alliance from me while I finished this Collector business. He also said that he didn’t need my report to know I did the right thing. So I kept that for myself.

And then a bomb got dropped on me as I exited the shower. Finally. I finally got to learn what had kept Garrus from talking to me. While it hurt to know that all of this was because of a damned picture, he added context that made it complicated. He ‘had a thing’ for me. He assumed Kaidan and I were together when he saw that picture. While that hurt, too, just because I had been trying to talk to him about us for so long, I needed to calm down from the hurt and think.

What better way than to talk to the woman that had called him an idiot? Karin had actually knocked some sense into me, too. It turned out that I needed that. As she did, I remembered Garrus telling me that he had never been properly in love before. He called it ‘having a thing for me,’ but I knew what that sneaky bastard actually meant.

This was new to him. He didn’t dare tell me in fear of either ruining something he thought was going on between Kaidan and I, in fear of it being true, or in fear of ending up being cast aside when Kaidan stopped being an asshole towards me. He had assumed a lot. He had also been a coward for not just asking about it. But while all that was true, I recognized what had happened. I had done the very same thing with Vito when I thought him and Adora was a thing. I had also spent half a year not telling Vito in fear of him saying no.

So I spoke with Karin and she helped clear my head. Ended up spending ten minutes crying out my frustration, five minutes talking and then I just spent time dressing myself up a little while wondering if enough time had gone by before I could walk down to the batteries. I couldn’t wait anymore after one hour had passed, so I just went for it and walked down.

Even if I had decided to stop chasing him, I couldn’t stay away. Of course I wanted him. Every part of me did, and so I had to let him know right away. Besides, while none could fault me if I wanted to let him suffer a little before I did go down, I didn’t feel like letting him wallow in his worries for too long. I knew how painful this was for him from my own experiences. I didn’t need to be a petty bitch about it.

So I flirted with him, leaned on his console, and then we finally kissed. It felt so good. Even made out for a long time on his console, before he had to stop himself from going any further. Every time that crossed my mind I felt those butterflies wreak havoc in my stomach. I felt so good right now. A smile was constantly on my face and while waiting for it to be safe for him was important, I wanted to get going and set everything up now.

A lot was on my agenda today and my steps were so damned light. Like walking on a damned cloud. I wanted to spend all my time with Garrus. I would happily make out with him all day long. But this gene therapy was important. Talk to Mordin was up first, because that was what I felt the most eager about. He had said that he could do gene therapy sessions for me. I just needed to double check if he could for Garrus, too.

I would be busy today, so to make sure Garrus also had something to do, I had upgraded the guns for him. He was busy actually calibrating his new toy. Not only was it a smart thing to do, just because it would make the Normandy even more deadly. But I also listened to my crew. Had they concerns about something and also had thoughts about what would solve those concerns, then I would listen if they made sense.

“Mordin! I was hoping to talk to you.” I greeted happily as I opened the doors to the lab.

He watched me as I walked in and ended up in front of him with a smile on my face. Just waited for me to talk, too, not really saying anything to me. Weird. No matter, though. I spoke first.

“You told me that you could do gene therapy sessions if it turned out that what I had done was gone. Is that something you could do for other crew members, too?” I asked.

“Could do that. Can’t do it for free.” He answered.

“I get that. I want to ask Cerberus to cover the costs first. If they say no, then I’ll be paying for it personally.” I assured him.

“Gene therapy for whom? And for what?” He wondered.

“Garrus. Allergies to levo-amino acids.” I answered.

“Actually, want to talk about that. Medical matter.” He said.

Huh? What would this be about? Medical matters about me or Garrus? Wouldn’t that break his doctor-patient confidentiality if he did talk to be about Garrus’ health? But I couldn’t deny that I was curious, so I listened closely while he explained himself.

“Aware mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress. Sexual activity normal stress release for humans and turians. Still recommend caution. Warn of chafing.” He explained.

Oh, no. He figured it out and now I was getting the sex-talk, huh? Wouldn’t be so strange when I asked about dextro-allergies and I was now asking about levo-allergies. But this was awkward. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself in it right there and then, but I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths to calm down instead.

“That obvious, huh? Garrus is important to me, Mordin. You’re not going to scare me off.” I said feeling a bit calmer.

He nodded to himself and smiled. “Of course. Hormones. Regardless, come see me later. May need analgesic. Chafing.”

Analgesic! Actual pain relief for sleeping with a turian? I suppressed a laugh, just because I couldn’t remember ever needing that with either Vito or Nihlus. It all felt very good, at least from what I remembered.

However ridiculous I thought this was, he was actually offering me advice here. Was he some sort of sex-guru, or did he just have a lot of sexual experience with different species? No, he was just a doctor, but still. This was… just so very specific. I got curious about what kind of advice he actually could offer now. So I asked.

“You have a recommendation for this as a doctor?” I asked curiously.

“Turians based on dextro-amino acids. Human ingestion of tissue could provoke allergic reactions. Anaphylactic shock possible. Not for you. Normally would not recommend, uhm, ingesting.” He answered.

He looked away uncomfortably at the word ‘ingesting.’ I put my hand over my mouth and suppressed a laugh that was building within me at the way he’d phrased it. All this normally boiled down to ‘don’t swallow,’ huh? Interesting, though it didn’t cover me. I could swallow all I wanted, and I certainly would, if I could.

Wait. Now that I broke down dextro-food, did that mean that swallowing would give me a protein shot? Nah, that was a stupid thought. I didn’t even know what turian sperm consisted of besides the sperm cells themselves. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask about it either.

“Also forwarding advice booklet to your quarters. Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zone overviews. Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Turians known for being rough. Recommend caution. Gave EDI electronic relationship aid demonstration vids to use as necessary.” Mordin continued.

Yeah… I wouldn’t read that. I liked learning by doing. Ask questions and get the answers directly from the source. Worked well enough for me all these years. It would still do just fine going forward.

This was the third time he’d brought up pain relief and I started to wonder if there was something to it now. Turian plates were on the rougher side – I enjoyed the way they scratched my back. It felt like a good itch. But I could also see that having sex more frequently and seriously with a turian than I had done with Vito and Nihlus could create some discomfort after some time.

Using oils or ointments was definitely the more sensible way to go about it. That would be easy to do – just rub some oil on my skin. But I didn’t want that. I didn’t like the thought of doing that. There was something alluring, sensual and more intimate about feeling his bare skin and plates on my skin, in my mind. I wanted to do that without having to worry about getting a burn from him.

Then he also said turians were known for being rough in bed. While I liked and wanted that, I didn’t want to take breaks because I was bleeding from a few scratches on my body. Medi-gel could solve that, but I wondered if there was something else that could so I didn’t have to use anything extra to fuck Garrus comfortably. That felt like such a mood-killer to me. I also bet he would feel bad about it, too.

“Is there any way to work around using oil or ointment?” I asked curiously.

“Can add heavy skin weaves. Would serve you well in combat and reduce risk of chafing. But lots of work. Still recommend ointment.” Mordin answered.

Heavy skin weaves, huh? Yes. That would work. It would make my skin tougher. Not so easily breakable or penetrable. I liked that idea. And while I wanted it to be about me being tougher to kill in battle, this really was just about not falling apart from too much pain during sex. I knew that. But if Garrus and I found out that we were better as friends, then they would serve another purpose. So the answer was easy in my mind.

“I understand that the ointment is easier, but I still think I want to go for the skin weaves. How do I add that?” I asked again.

“Can add for you. Come see me when you want to start.” He answered.

“Like… now?” I asked carefully.

Mordin shrugged and nodded, so adding a heavy skin weaves we did. It was quick and painless, but I had to wait for some time between adding them. He found out that Cerberus already had fit me with two heavy skin weaves while I recovered from my death. From his calculations, he thought I would only need two more after the one I got now to be able to not experience any discomfort in one way or another.

His information was actually very useful, however awkward it had been. Maybe I actually would take a look at the information he’d forwarded later and see if there were some new positions I hadn’t tried before. Getting this advice from Mordin was surprising. He did know a lot about different species and it was valuable information, even if the information seemed to boil down to ‘don’t swallow’ and ‘you need pain relief.’

“Wait a minute, Mordin. You’re just yanking me around, aren’t you?” I asked while laughing at my own thoughts.

He feigned being offended. “Shocking suggestion! Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream of mockery. Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard. Will be here, studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required.”

“Right. Have a great day, Mordin.” I told him with a smile and left.

“Thank you. You, too.” He called out after me.

While I could go talk to Miranda now, I wanted to go to my room first. I had another plan before we reached Illium. My couch was getting changed out. I wanted a turian one and it was mainly for Garrus’ comfort. My couch hurt his ass and since he would be spending time with me in my room, I wanted him to be comfortable. Besides, I liked turian couches. They were huge, colorful and extremely comfortable to sit on.

So my plan was to dismantle this boring couch and donate it to the crew. Figured it would be a good spot for people to sit and hang out on. It was a useable couch, just not one that I wanted anymore. Just because I didn’t want it anymore didn’t mean that others didn’t want it either. If others could use it, then why not, right?

But just as I was about to dismantle it, a knock came to my door. Someone wanted to talk to me? Who would that be? I walked over and opened it, and was surprised to see Kelly there.

“Hello, Shepard.” She greeted with a smile.

“Hey, Kelly.” I greeted back and wondered what she wanted.

“It’s been a while since we last spoke. I wanted to hear how you’re doing. Maybe we could eat lunch together? I brought some food for us.” She explained and showed me a tray.

“Uh… sure. Yeah. Let’s do that. Come on in.” I agreed and let her in.

While I didn’t mind visitors, I didn’t necessarily like the thought of Cerberus people wandering around my personal space. And while she was a psychologist and seemed like a nice person, she was still Cerberus. At least I think she was. I was curious to see what this would be about, as I watched her take a good look around my loft. We then sat down in my couch and she placed the food on my coffee table. Chicken salads.

“Your loft is very nice.” She noted.

“I think it’s a little extravagant.” I admitted with a shrug.

“In what way?” She wondered.

“Too big. Too modern. Not my style. It’s somewhere private, though, I do appreciate that. It got even better after all of the bugs were taken out of this room.” I chuckled and told her casually.

“You had someone sweep the room for bugs?” She asked with a small smile.

“Of course I did. I won’t have anyone spy on me in my private space. Now that I know what to look for, I routinely look for bugs, too.” I said to her.

A weird pause followed. It was like she didn’t know exactly what to say to me. While Miranda and Jacob always had been clear about where they stood with Cerberus, I had no idea what Kelly’s stance on Cerberus was. A part of me thought she seemed overly excited about them, though I wasn’t too sure if she worked for them in the same way Miranda did, or if it was to convince me.

I would also think a normal person would be shocked to learn that what was supposed to be someone’s private room had bugs in it. That was a clear violation of anyone’s privacy. But she said something that surprised me a little. It was such a weird thing to say after I just told her about bugs in my personal space, too. Kinda like it was my fault.

“You don’t trust Cerberus.” She noted.

“Why would I? What do you think has Cerberus has done to earn my trust?” I asked her.

“Well, they are going after the Collectors and the Reapers.” She offered up and I nodded.

“Mhm. That’s admirable. Does that cancel out all the experiments and trials to enslave rachni, Thorian creepers or husks? Using live people for said experimentations? If yes, then what about luring soldiers to a thresher maw nest just for the hell of it?” I wondered curiously.

“They brought you back to life.” She tried.

“Don’t misunderstand. I am happy to be alive. But who told them to do that? A favor without anyone asking for it isn’t really a favor. That won’t earn my trust.” I pointed out to her.

Kelly didn’t know what to say after that, and I found that odd, too. Had I been that weird with the answers I had given? I didn’t think I had been. Even if I had, wasn’t she supposed to be a psychologist? A psychologist would be able to point out something or make me think about my answer. It was like she couldn’t when I challenged the whole Cerberus idea.

My internal alarms started to blare after that, especially when she changed the topic. This felt so weird. What exactly was going on here? What was she doing here? It wasn’t about lunch anymore, that much was true. I kept my face blank but watched her like a hawk after that. She had started to eat, but kept the conversation going by hounding me with questions.

“Have you recovered well from Aratoht?” She asked with a smile.

“Physically, yes. This had nothing to do with Cerberus. Confidential. I can’t talk about what happened in the mission.” I answered.

“I understand. I also heard about Horizon. You met back up with Kaidan again. How did that go?” She wondered.

“If you heard about it, then I would think you already know how it went down.” I pointed out and silently wondered why these topics were all about me.

“I actually didn’t read the report. That’s why I’m asking.” She assured me.

I wasn’t sure if she was lying or not, but I answered as if she wasn’t. This wasn’t dangerous for her or anyone else to hear about. No juicy details here, besides what everyone else already knew. Didn’t bother me to tell her about it either.

“Oh. Well, he called me a traitor to the Alliance. He wasn’t willing to hear my side about why I was working with Cerberus.” I told her.

“How did that make you feel?” She asked.

“Conflicted. I’ve thought about the same a lot of times. Whether I am a traitor or not, I mean. I’ve settled on the fact that I’m not, because stopping the Collectors and the Reapers is what’s important in the grand scheme of things. No one else seems to be doing anything about it, so if Cerberus wants to throw their resources my way so I can investigate it, then I’ll happily accept.” I answered honestly.

“I agree with that assessment. Did he apologize for what he said?” She wondered.

“He did send me an e-mail. A backhanded apology where he refers to what he calls our time together. I never answered it.” I told her.

“Really? I understand Kaidan and you were close. How did that fit with him calling you a traitor?” She asked.

I chuckled before I answered. “I have heard that there’s a rumor going around saying that Kaidan and I were something more than just friends or coworkers. We never were. I have no idea how that started and I don’t really care. I spent the final four weeks before I died working on his confidence a lot. That’s it.”

It was like it stunned her. “He’s an attractive man. No interest whatsoever?”

“Of course he’s attractive. You’d have to be blind, not into men, or not into humans to not agree with that. I did consider it, just because I knew he had feelings for me, but he’s not my type. Safe, slow and romantic comes to mind when I think about him. Add that with him being old-fashioned, and he’s not for me.” I admitted, recapping what it felt like I’d told everyone at this point.

“What kind of people are you attracted to?” She wondered with a sly smile.

“Hm. I like passionate, rough and romantic. I was always drawn to men bigger than me, just because I used to be very muscular before I died. I always felt like I would crush them if I sat on them, if they were smaller than me. A little vain, but… that’s just how it is.” I answered honestly.

I hadn’t touched the food yet, just because I was bombarded with questions about everything. And honestly? I didn’t want to eat it. I could, just to be polite… but something about her rubbed me the wrong way and that somehow made me automatically hate the poor and innocent chicken salad she brought. Wasn’t sure what it was. Could just be simple paranoia. I just didn’t like what she was doing right now and I wondered why that was.

Besides, I wanted to only eat turian food. That was so much better than a chicken salad made from the driest part of a chicken ever would be.

“You’re interesting, Shepard. Your psych profile with your background would show that you’re more of a promiscuous woman.” She noted.

“Really? What makes you say that?” I asked curiously.

“Growing up in a gang had to be tough. Depending on what kind of gang it was, then it could have meant that you experienced some uncomfortable things.” She explained.

“Mhm. I guess that only makes sense.” I said and shrugged.

“You don’t like to talk about yourself. Why not?” She asked.

“It’s not that I don’t like to talk about myself. People rarely ask about me. I’ve been through some shit. A lot of people have. That doesn’t make me special. I don’t consider myself to be that interesting either. But what you’re asking about requires trust for me to talk about. Those are details I’ve only shared with very few people.” I told her honestly.

“You struggle with trusting people. Your father did the unthinkable and you were forced to fend for yourself. Your time with the Tenth Street Reds also comes to mind with that. What happened with them?” She wondered, even adding what sounded like concern to her question.

She pushed for an answer when I just said that talking about this required trust. I would think a psychologist would pick that up and either back off, or ask if I would feel comfortable talking about it. Maybe even ask if I trusted them. But she didn’t. Oh no. She just pushed to get her question answered, and my gut didn’t like that.

It wasn’t the question itself that bothered me, but rather why she wanted to know. She was doing something that I think I recognized, and that made me shut up right away. It also made me question her credentials.

Was she really a psychologist? I had no reason to think that she wasn’t. Maybe people enjoyed confiding in her on a daily basis. She seemed very interested in my background with regards to what I’d been through. Personal stuff. Stuff that wasn’t common knowledge. Yeah, that was it, wasn’t it? She wanted information about me that none had. A thought was gaining traction within me and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense.

“Are you really that interested in my time with them?” I asked through a chuckle.

“I want to know more about you on a deeper level than what your favorite color is.” Kelly answered with a smile.

“Huh. That’s funny, because no one has ever asked me what my favorite color is before. What do you think it is?” I asked her, feigning interest.

“Judging by your clothes, I would say black.” She guessed after looking at my cargo pants and N7 tank top.

I gave her a fake smile. “That’s not a bad guess, but it’s not my favorite color. Black is good for hiding in the shadows. That’s why I often wear black.”

“Then what is your favorite color?” She asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve been appreciating blue more and more lately. Like a deep, deep blue. A rich blue, not that baby blue shit.” I thoughtfully answered with another fake smile.

“You’re diverting from the topic.” She noted and I understood I had to tell her off sternly.

“Am I? You asked me what my favorite color was. If you’re referring to my past, then I tried to tell you politely that I don’t trust you enough to talk about my past. If you need me to be more direct with it, then I don’t know you well enough to talk about myself.” I sternly told her.

“All right. I won’t pry.” She assured me.

“Thank you.” I thanked her sourly.

“I only want to get to know you better, Shepard. Nothing more than that.” She assured me again.

I looked at her and finally realized what she was doing here. I recognized this from the time I spent on Earth, just because I’d done the very same thing, only a lot better. You couldn’t bullshit a bullshitter, and I was one of the best human bullshitters out there. She would deny it when I told her that I knew what she was doing. I knew that. Didn’t care, though.

What I was certain of, was that she was working for Cerberus the same way Miranda was, only with something else. Miranda sent reports to the Illusive Man on our progress. Kelly did something else entirely. She also liked Cerberus. The thing was that she had made quite a few mistakes. Even from all the way back to when I first spoke with her.

The first mistake was being overly flirty with me right away. While I could be a shameless flirt, and she had been right about me having a promiscuous past, she didn’t factor in that I had previous experience with Cerberus. She was a true Cerberus cheerleader – to borrow an expression from Jack – and her flirty manipulation tactic didn’t work because of that. I thought that was just her style, but looking back, I understood she was just trying to manipulate me.

Her second mistake was being a Cerberus cheerleader. It outed her when I challenged how good they actually were. And it outed the fact that she either wasn’t a psychologist at all or that she was such a cheerleader that she struggled to stay calm and collected when I pissed on her beloved organization. In her mind, of course. I was just being honest with my feelings towards them.

Her third and fourth mistakes were tied together. She was asking me very personal questions. All of her questions were, and I noticed that the questions were about parts of my life that wasn’t public or common knowledge. Well. Most of them. And she wouldn’t respect my boundary when I told her to back off a certain topic.

All of these mistakes were rookie mistakes for what she was doing, but I guess Cerberus never knew what I actually did for seven years on Earth. My guess was that the Illusive Man either just randomly told her to do this, or he actually thought she would be a good fit when she clearly wasn’t. At least I didn’t think she was a good fit for this kind of work. She had to have been randomly picked for this.

Had no proof of being right, of course. Not that I cared, because I wouldn’t take any chances with Cerberus people.

Call her out, or not? Yeah, I couldn’t stop myself. However hostile and bad this would make me seem, I honestly didn’t give a fuck. The man tried to screw me over once already. I wouldn’t point out her mistakes to her, though, because I wanted her to keep making them. Make sure she always knew that I knew what she was doing, and that she never would get any information from me personally anymore.

Damn. I wondered what Tali would say if she was here and listening to this. I almost decided to call her up to watch this go down. She would be so happy.

“You want me to be honest with you, Kelly?” I asked her.

“Always.” She answered.

“Are you sure you can handle it?” I double checked.

“Of course. I always appreciate honesty.” She assured me with a smile.

“I’m not sure how I feel about you wanting to get to know me better.” I admitted.

Confusion met me. “Why is that?”

“You told me you were a psychologist. You might be, for all I know. I don’t know you well enough to know if that’s true or not. If you want to learn something new about me, then know that I always trust my gut. Right now it’s telling me that you have ‘spy’ written all over you. I don’t know if you’re here to just spy on me or if you also spy on others on this ship. If it’s just me, then you can tell the Illusive Man to shove a cigarette up his ass in the next report you send to him.” I told her calmly while staring coldly into her eyes.

“A spy, huh? That’s flattering.” She tried to chuckle out, but I kept my calm and cold stare at her.

“Yeah, I bet it is. I have no concrete proof of you being a spy. But I trust my gut, Kelly. Don’t bother asking me questions that are too personal. You will be wasting your time, because you won’t get any answers from me.” I assured her.

Never breaking eye-contact and almost not blinking, she ended up breaking it first. Damn, I wish I was a turian just so I could listen to her heart while I said what I said. Maybe it was calm or maybe it was beating way out of control. Her face was well-trained, because it didn’t change at all. But now she knew that I knew – or at least suspected her – and I sincerely hoped she took my words to heart and stayed the fuck away from me for anything other than just work-related stuff going forward.

“All right. That’s okay. Looks like you’re done with your lunch. I’ll bring this down with me.” Kelly said and gathered the plates, before she left.

“Thank you. And have a great day.” I called out after her.

As soon as she left, I swept the room for bugs again. Then I spent an hour or so dismantling my couch, and I laughed as I realized a new bug had been placed on the underside of it. I said some choice and colorful words into it, and then I destroyed it. The elevators managed to hold the entire couch as it got taken down to the third floor. People were quick to help me get it out of the elevator and they were even quicker with placing it where they wanted, right after I told them it was theirs now.

I was a little sweaty from all the activities, but I still went to go talk to Miranda now. She could handle me being a little sweaty while I asked what I wanted to ask. While she actually was a Cerberus cheerleader and never make that fact a hidden one, she was always very open and honest about her stance on them. I respected her more for that than I think I would. Our relationship was also steadily growing, and I found myself liking her.

Now was the time to negotiate for Cerberus paying for Garrus’ gene therapy. A good challenge, and I had nothing to lose by asking. I was prepared to pull on the heartstrings for this one, or go a very factual route. What I would say would be truthful, though I wouldn’t outright let her know that he was doing this to freely bed his human commander. That would make her say no right away.

I hated thinking about credits like this, but 200 000 would be nothing to me. Just a small grain in a bag full of rice especially since Cerberus paid me for every mission we completed. I wouldn’t miss that amount of credits and if she wouldn’t budge, then I would happily pay for it myself. But I wanted to negotiate for this for the added challenge. It was also hysterical to think that a human-centric splinter group would be paying for a turian to have sex with a human. And lastly, why not milk as much resources out of Cerberus as I could, right?

“Miranda! Just the woman I wanted to see.” I greeted happily as I entered her room.

“Is that so? What’s on your mind today, Shepard?” She asked with a smile.

“Three things. Sorry, this first one is just silly, but have you seen how angry my ass looks in these cargo pants?” I chuckled out and turned around.

Miranda actually chuckled as she looked at my ass. “That is the most scowling ass I think I have ever seen.”

“I know! Sorry, I just had to point it out. Did you send out that survey regarding the Christmas party?” I asked as it crossed my mind.

“I did. I’m happy to tell you that everyone agreed to it.” She said with a smile.

I smiled and started to look forward to it now. “Really? What about gifts? What did people feel about that?”

“The crew wanted a Secret Santa. Everyone agreed to a credit limit for 1000 credits.” She answered.

“What about the squad?” I wondered.

“Since you wanted everyone’s opinion on this, I wanted to wait with that until we’ve gotten Thane and Samara.” She pointed out with a smile.

Why that shocked and surprised me as much as it did, I wasn’t sure. It shocked me in a good way, though. It showed me that she had been listening to me and I didn’t expect that. While I bet she wouldn’t normally care about alien’s opinions regarding a human celebration, I really appreciated her doing that for me. So much that I struggled with saying anything for a few seconds.

“Thank you, Miranda. That’s awesome of you.” I told her genuinely.

“Though I honestly think the alien crew members wouldn’t mind us human celebrating. I was thinking that what I send to them could be an invitation to see what it’s like. Welcome them to join on the 25^th with no strings attached.” She told me.

She was carefully saying that the aliens shouldn’t decide if the humans on this ship celebrated Christmas or not. I could agree to that, just because the humans on this ship wouldn’t decide if the aliens wanted to do something that adhered to their traditions. Welcome them to join, while telling them that we were doing this. I would give her this one. Meet her halfway.

“Yeah. I love that idea. We should get some shopping done. I’ll coordinate the cooking with Gardner.” I told her, deciding that I wanted to take some responsibility for this, too.

She smiled. “That would be great. Thank you. What was the third issue you had in mind?”

And then it was time to negotiate. I decided to sit in the chair opposite to her. This was a more serious topic and I wanted to give off the impression that it was important. It was for many reasons, though the sex-part was what was on my mind with this the most. I started carefully, but told her exactly what I wanted right away.

“We have a squad member with allergies – the deadly kind. I want Cerberus to cover gene therapy for them.” I told her.

“Which squad member?” Miranda asked.

“Archangel. Garrus Vakarian.”

“What is he allergic to?”

“Levo-amino acids.”

“But he’s a turian. He eats dextro-food. Why would he ever need to undergo gene therapy for his allergies?” She wondered confused.

Okay. Analyzing this, she was pointing out the obvious. He couldn’t eat levo-food, or rather levo-food didn’t do anything for him. She didn’t seem to suspect that it could be a more physical reason for doing this. While I could wonder about why that was and get angry at the thought of her being xenophobic, I didn’t think she was in this case.

Human-turian sex happened but relationships were rare. Very rare. So rare, that I only knew about the one I had entered with Vito. One could technically say that I was in one with Nihlus, but it never got to develop in that direction for very obvious reasons. There was also some animosity between turians and humans still, due to the First Contact War. Everyone thought that this wouldn’t be something either of our species would want to initiate, and that’s probably why she never suspected a thing.

But I worked with what I had and answered her question. If it was the food she was worried about, then I would tell her that the food he ate maybe wasn’t as safe for him – or us – as she thought it was.

“I have some concerns about his safety, both as his commander, but also as his friend. This is a multi-species ship, but it is primarily a human one. Accidents happen. Our chef is the handyman and cleaner around here. A good man, but he told me that he, and I quote: ‘washes his hands most of the time.’ Since he is preparing dextro-rations for an allergic crew member, I think that’s a high safety risk. Cross-contamination comes to mind.” I pointed out to her concerned.

Miranda scowled as she thought about what I said. “Ew.”

“Yeah. And then his dossier got sent to me by the Illusive Man personally. He really wanted Garrus. I think he would want to make sure that his investment was kept safe. Other than that… why shouldn’t he be allowed to taste human food before we all potentially die?” I pointed out and wondered with a shrug.

Watching her, this seemed like it would be a no. Why? While my concerns were legitimate, it would just be easier to tell Garrus to cook his own food. This didn’t mean I was giving up, though. Rational and reasonable explanations didn’t seem to do the trick, so I had to go to plan B. Emotional reasoning. Pull on the heartstrings. Tell her a sob-story. While what I was saying would be absolutely true, this very much was manipulation on my end.

“Shepard, I-” Miranda started but stopped as the worry came to my face and I started to beg with her.

“Miranda, please. I don’t have a lot of close friends. Garrus is my best friend. You saw how hard I took him almost dying. I even acted unforgivably towards you and Jacob. Garrus never asks for anything, but he told me he wanted this to feel safe. I know how important it is to him. I just want him safe, too. Mordin already told me that he can do the gene therapy sessions. I just want the costs covered by Cerberus.” I said.

Hearing the emotion drip rather disgustingly from my own voice was just that – disgusting. I never once lied to her, though. Everything I told her was the truth. The thought of him having an allergic shock scared me a lot, just because I had gotten the very detailed explanation of what it would be like. I did want him safe and that was a good reason in its own right. But of course I added a little extra worry and a little extra begging for her to manipulate her into agreeing. Thought of it as manipulating Cerberus, though. Not Miranda herself.

She nodded and smiled. “All right. I’ll make it happen.”

“Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me. I really appreciate it.” I thanked her through a relieved sigh.

“No worries, Shepard.” She answered while I got to my feet.

“I’ll go take a shower now. Have a great day.” I told her with a smile.

“You, too.” She called out after me and chuckled to herself.

A satisfied smile was plastered on my face as I walked over to the elevators. Damn. Seemed like the human-centric splinter group would be paying for a turian to fuck a human safely, after all. I loved that. So ironic. So poetically beautiful. Now we just needed to know how long this gene therapy would take. It all depended on how serious the allergies were. It could take a couple of weeks, or a month. While I would patiently wait, I couldn’t deny that I wanted it to be done sooner rather than later.

And so I took a shower to get ready for the last visit I had planned for today. There was someone who needed a little special attention today, and that was Karin. I suspected this wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t pushed to talk to Garrus. She also made me see reason, and that was nice. After getting dressed, I grabbed the bottle of Serrice Ice brandy that I bought for her a while ago, and went down to the med-bay.

“What can I do for you, dear?” Karin asked with a loving smile.

“I’m here to surprise you with this.” I answered and handed over the bottle of the Serrice Ice brandy.

Her eyes widened at the surprise. “Shepard. You shouldn’t have. What’s this for?”

“Well, it originally was meant as a thank you for saving Garrus’ life. It still is. Then you talked to the both of us, and… thank you. I also need to spoil my doctor every now and then. Don’t you agree?” I asked giving her a smile, making her smile just as lovingly back at me.

“I always regretted not opening that original bottle, when I still could. I won’t make the same mistake again. Why don’t we open this bottle right here, right now, you and me?” She answered exited.

“You and me having a party? Hell yeah!” I answered with a smile.

I walked out to the kitchen to get two wine glasses, and headed back. Karin opened the bottle, and we sat down and started drinking. Brandy wasn’t my favorite kind of liquor, but this one was good. It wasn’t that sweet. That was apparently enough for me, as I almost started to chug it. It was like one of those tastes you just wanted to have in your mouth all the time.

Her feet ended up on her desk, and so I copied her and did the same, even leaning a little back on my chair. It was time to calmly party and cut loose.

“Ooh. This brandy is good.” I said shocked at her while savoring the taste of it in my mouth.

“I always did go for quality, dear. You know that.” She answered with a smirk.

“Uh-huh. You certainly did. Wanna top me off?” I asked and she did, filling the glass up with brandy.

“Did you end up talking to Garrus?” She asked.

“I guess I did.” I answered.

“You know, looking back, it’s no surprise that you are interested in him. I know you did gene therapy, but I kept some pills around for him handy.” She said and I looked at her with a smile.

“Wait, what? Did he end up getting them from you?” I wondered.

“Doctor-patient confidentiality, dear. And? How did the conversation go?” Karin asked curiously.

“Aw, come on, Karin. You know I don’t kiss and tell. We might have made out a little on his console, though. Besides, he’s allergic. We need to wait for his gene therapy before we can move things along.” I added as I finished my glass.

I heard myself sounding disappointed by the waiting. While I kinda was, I would wait however long it would take for it to be safe. Karin topped my glass off yet again and chuckled at me.

“You always were an impatient one, Shepard. But I seriously doubt you’ll have to wait that long. Garrus always was interested in you. Looking back, it was clear to see. I suspect he’s been interested in you ever since you started spending more time with him on the old Normandy. Wanting to make sure it’s safe before doing anything is just being smart.” She assured me.

“I know. I just… it feels like a long time coming. Now that we both want this, and we have to wait, I’m feeling impatient.” I explained.

“I understand. He really is a great guy. But he is a turian, dear, and you should be careful.” She said more seriously.

“Why?” I asked stunned.

“They tend to get serious fast and they’re very dominant – for lack of a better word – in the way they act romantically and sexually. They’re also protective of their significant others. Humans may misjudge it as jealousy. They’re also very sexually active. Turians will also, to a human, seem very rough in bed. Scratch marks and bruises aren’t uncommon.” She elaborated.

The fuck was wrong with that? “So… a good Saturday night, is what you’re saying?”

“I’m serious, Shepard. Know what you’re getting yourself into. If you’re not able to, or if you don’t want to accommodate that kind of love and sex, then back out now for both of your sakes.” She said, still being so serious.

She seemed to know a lot about this. An awful lot about this. Personal experience? I was getting drunk, just because my rebuild did that to me, and so I asked what was on my mind with no filters whatsoever.

“Do you have experience with turians, mom?” I curiously wondered.

“You’re not the only one who’s dabbled around, dear. I dated one called Septimus for a some time after your death.” She explained with a sad smile on her face.

As in that guy we helped two years ago? “Septimus Oraka? General of the turian fleet? He seemed like a fun guy. Not for you?”

“Too intense for me, unfortunately. He was a great guy, but I realized that it’s just not a good fit for me.” She answered.

That sad expression told me another story, because it just looked like she seriously regretted not going for it. Septimus seemed like a heartbroken man the last time we met him. He was acting irrational because of it. But he also seemed fun and open with his feelings. Mom deserved happiness. I wondered what the real reason for her breaking it off was, because I didn’t think it was his intenseness was the real reason.

“I’m sorry to hear that, mom. I’ve been in a relationship with a turian before. It was intense and we had a lot of sex before he died, but that’s what I want. I like their intenseness. I don’t mind it being on the rougher side, either.” I told her honestly.

I smiled at her and finished the third glass. We ended up continuing our party for an hour or so, while the glasses kept being topped off. And we talked. And laughed. And had the kind of fun one only could have with another Alliance person. Karin told me story where Kaidan had straightened out Jenkins’ back with his biotics, and it made me almost roll over in laughter.

“Ah, Jenkins. Soldiers like him make the Alliance great. Cerberus lacks the same… enthusiasm.” Karin admitted politely.

“I know. With your service record, you could have gotten a tour of duty on any Alliance ship. Why did you really leave?” I slurred out.

“Maybe it’s less about leaving, and more about staying. As a military doctor, I mostly treat people who are in bad shape. Often, they die. And if I can help them, they move on. Either way, they leave.” She answered as she thought about it.

“Don’t you have any friends or family out there?” I wondered.

“No, not lacking friendship… just stability. Jeff… Joker will always have Vrolik’s syndrome. He would never admit it, but he needs my help. And he always will. I wish it weren’t, but sadly, it’s true.” She told me and even became a little sad.

“Yeah. Treating Joker gives you a kind of stability.” I pointed out.

“So does this ship, even if it’s a copy. Or, hell, maybe it’s you. Shepard, our immovable center. A place for a person to stop and catch her breath. Or maybe I’m just happily drunk. Would it hurt if it was simple like that for once?” She asked with a big smile.

I smiled and toasted my drink to hers. “Nah, it wouldn’t. Here’s to simply being happily drunk!”

“I’ll drink to that!” She answered, and we both downed our glass.

Karin wasn’t that drunk. I think. She was just tipsy. I was drunk. Very drunk, but I would never admit that out loud. Damned my cybernetics with how quickly drunk I got. This turned out to be a bad idea. But I was a happy kind of drunk, not completely blackout on horosk kind of drunk. And she was about to top off my glass again. I decided to stop her this time.

“I really should stop drinking now before I pass out. Thanks for the toast and the brandy. It’s honestly the best brandy I’ve ever had.” I said through a slur.

She nodded at me and I gave her a hug that reeked of me being wasted. It was incredibly long, too tight, and thank the stars she knew me as well as she did, because I hummed and sighed lovingly as I did it. This would’ve been awkward with a random person. I finally let her go after what felt like an hour, and stumbled out of the med-bay with a smile on my face.

“Have a great day, mom.” I called out lovingly after her.

I happily stumbled over to the elevator and pushed the button for my loft. Someone I hadn’t noticed was apparently waiting for me in there, because warm turian arms suddenly wrapped themselves tightly around me from behind. Purring entered my ear. One that was happy to see me. Done working for today, huh? I hummed lovingly and leaned into the touch with that same big and drunken smile on my face.

“Hey.” I said.

“Hey.” He greeted back.

“How are the new guns?” I asked.

How was your day, honey? It still reminded me of a married couple kind of question, but I didn’t mind that at all.

“They’re good. A lot better. You’re drunk.” He noted with a smile.

“Just a little tipsy. Drank some classy brandy with mom.” I explained like it was no big deal.

Though after hearing the slur in my own voice, I made it obvious that I was lying about how drunk I actually was. He didn’t say anything, but kept looking at me with a knowing smile on my face. Yeah, yeah. So I was drunk. Whatever, right? I would be totally fine tomorrow.

He had to steady me a couple of times as I walked into my loft. Stairs didn’t seem like a very good idea right now, so I just leaned my back against my aquarium. Garrus stood right in front of me and ran his fingers through my hair. Curling strands around his fingers and watching it succumb to gravity as he reached the ends. It was very sweet.

“Why is your couch in the mess hall?” He curiously asked.

“I’m changing it out to a turian one when we get to Illium.” I explained while nodding excessively.

He looked at me confused. “A turian couch? Why?”

“Because your ass will hurt a lot otherwise.” I answered with what had to be the most drunken smile in existence.

“What have you been up to today?” He wondered while smiling amused.

“I think I said, ‘have a great day’ to everyone I talked to.” I proudly retold.

He gave me a turian kiss and stifled a chuckle before he could answer me. “That’s very nice of you. Did you talk to anyone interesting?”

“I talked to Mordin first. He said he could do your gene therapy. I told him to have a great day after that. Then I talked to Kelly. She’s spying on me for the Illusive Man. If you see Tali before I do, then tell her that she’s a spy for me. I told Kelly to tell the Illusive Man to shove a cigarette up his ass before I told her to have a great day.” I explained nonchalantly.

“Kelly’s a spy, huh. Makes sense.” He nodded thoughtfully to himself.

He was being patient with me just because I was drunk, but I knew what it was that he actually wanted me to talk about. Had I done it? Who would cover his gene therapy? He would be getting it done either way, but would it be ironic, or not? Just as impatient as me, huh? Felt good to not be so alone in this.

“Mhm. Then I spoke with Miranda.” I hinted with a smile.

“Ooh. How did that go?” He eagerly wondered.

“It was a tough battle, but I came out on top. The human centric splinter group will be covering your gene therapy.” I revealed with a smile.

He shook his head in disbelief. “You’re insane. What did you tell her to make that happen?”

“Oh, man, I had to pull on the heartstrings for this one. Told her that it’s a safety issue, that I worry about you, that you’re my best friend, and that you wanted it for yourself. What I said was true, though, don’t get me wrong. But I didn’t outright tell her that you wanna do this to be able to fuck me safely. I think she would’ve said no if I told her that.” I dramatically explained and ended with a knowing smile.

“So… does that mean that I can just go ahead and see Mordin whenever I want?” Garrus asked.

“Yeah. You can. After that I, uhm… told her to have a great day.” I answered and started to laugh.

“Uh-huh. And then you got drunk?” He asked through his own amused chuckle.

“Yeah, I took a shower and brought a bottle of Serrice Ice brandy to mom to thank her for saving your life, for talking to us, and such. We toasted to being happily drunk, and… then I told her to have a great day.” I answered and I think I broke down laughing, too.

“All right. You’re drunk. Let’s get you to bed.” He decided.

Garrus effortlessly picked me up and carried me bridal-style. Damn, I had forgotten how hot I thought his strength was. Just the fact that he didn’t think I weighed anything to him… man, that did something to me. Though I was always attracted to men that were bigger than me. And Garrus was big. A big guy, just like I called him, and that was funny to think about while being drunk.

“Ah, man. Already?” I whined.

“You should sleep off this alcohol, softy. We’re seeing Liara tomorrow.” He explained to me as he put me in bed.

“Okay, then. Do you wanna sleep next to me?” I asked with a smile.

“I wanna go talk to Mordin right now.” He said.

“Eager. All right. I get that.” I said.

I had some flirty eyes and it seemed like he actually wanted to stay here. But I was drunk, and I think he thought that was a turn-off. Or maybe not a turn-off, but I wouldn’t be able to consent to anything properly, and turians were all about consent. Not that we couldn’t do anything safely anyway, but that was beside the point.

He did lean down and gave me a kiss, though. Being drunk, I added tongue right away and immediately ran my hands to the areas I knew would turn him on. That soft spot at the back of his neck. Gripped his waist hard, and that’s when I realized he was only in his undersuit. Fuck, coming up here in only his undersuit? What a tease.

He grabbed my hands and sternly put them at my sides with a chuckle. Then he gave me a nip on my throat for being a little tease. Deciding it was time to go start his gene therapy, he started to leave while I giggled for being naughty. Just as he was up the stairs and was about to head out, I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten something important.

“Hey, Garrus?” I called out.

“Yeah?” He answered.

“Have a great day.” I said while struggling to keep from laughing again.

He nodded knowingly and smiled, and then he left. “Sweet dreams, softy.”

Chapter Text

Illium. An asari world. Corporate and classy, and yet slavery was a thing here. Fascinating. Voluntary slavery, but slavery none the less. Didn’t exactly know what I felt about that. Disgusted, of course, but it was voluntary. Didn’t spend too long worrying about it. The only thing I was sure of, was that we would be here for a while.

Garrus and Tali were with me today, just because we were seeing Liara. Figured they wanted to say hello to her. We had also arrived pretty late in the afternoon. We would go see Liara, I would go buy the stuff I wanted, and then we would go back to the Normandy. Tomorrow we would go get Thane and the next day after that, we would get Samara.

So we did that. We went to Liara’s office. Information broker. Man, that still surprised me a lot. Little old and innocent Liara being an information broker. That was so surprising. The Illusive Man told me not to trust her, but his opinion on other people meant very little to me. While I remembered Liara being immature or mentally young two years ago, I knew she was honest and sincere.

Her office was overlooking the marked area. All looking very corporate and boring. At a desk sat an asari and her name tag told me her name was Nyxeris. She smiled as I walked up to her.

“Hello, Commander Shepard. Liara will be pleased to see you.” Nyxeris greeted.

I smiled back at her. “You’re Liara’s assistant?”

“Yes. Liara relies upon me to acquire useful intelligence. I don’t have her network of contacts, but I supply her with supplemental data. It’s really an honor to work with her.” She answered.

Liara had a damned assistant. Our little teenager was growing up, huh? A classy corporate job on a classy asari world. It just seemed… wrong, in some sense. Not exactly sure why. But this would be a golden opportunity to learn about Liara from her assistant. So I did just that.

“What’s Liara’s reputation here on Illium?” I asked curiously.

“She is greatly respected. In a few short years, she’s amassed a sizeable network of connections. She could have even more political power than she already wields if she weren’t so focused on her personal goals. But I believe she should tell you about that, not me.” Nyxeris answered.

Connections? Wow. It sounded like Liara had changed. She wasn’t the sweet and innocent little scientist anymore that I knew from the old Normandy. She was a hard-working woman with connections. Liara always was a badass and a hard worker, but I couldn’t remember her ever having connections.

“Thank you. I’ll talk to you later.” I said to her assistant.

“Of course, Commander.” She answered with a smile.

This was exciting. Seeing her would feel good. We turned around and entered the door to Liara’s office. As we entered, I saw Liara with her back to us in an intense conversation with some guy in a vid meeting. She seemed tense and didn’t even notice us enter. Or maybe she did, but waited to see who it was until her call was done.

She was wearing a green and white long dress. I never was a fan of asari fashion like so many humans were, but I had to admit that this one looked stunning on her. It certainly was very different from the lab uniform I was used to see her in, even if she kept the same colors running in her dress.

“Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have. I’ll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I flay you alive. With my mind.” Liara spat at the guy she was talking to, before cutting the comm link.

Damn, girl. Didn’t her mom say the same thing when we took her down? The part about the asari commando units, that was? Threatening people now? This was far from the innocent little scientist that I met two years ago.

Liara let out a frustrated breath just as she turned around and met my eyes with hers. They rested on my face for a couple of seconds as it seemed like she tried to understand who she was looking at. A happy shock quickly replaced her frustrated one when her brain caught up with her eyes and she realized who it was.

“Shepard! Nyxeris, hold my calls.” Liara exclaimed and commanded as she saw me.

She half-jogged and half-walked right up to me and met my big grin with her own big smile. It sounded like she cooed my name out so lovingly as she wrapped me in a tight hug. Of course I hugged her back. It really was good to see her.

We broke apart as she noticed Garrus and Tali with me. She smiled at them both and wrapped them in for a hug as well. It certainly felt good to see her again, and it looked like the feeling was mutual across the board.

“My sources said you were alive, but I never believed… it’s very good to see you.” She said as she walked back to me.

“It’s good to see you too, Liara. But you have sources now?” I asked while giving her a curious smile.

She turned her back to me, looking out over Illium. “A few. Sources, contacts, even a little hired muscle. I’ve been working as an information broker.”

Hired muscle, even? It wasn’t that I didn’t think she could be this type of person, but it was just so unexpected to come from her. Though it didn’t necessarily seem like she enjoyed it. It seemed more like she had to do this.

She turned around and faced me with a sad smile on her face. “It’s paid the bills since you… well, for the past two years. And now you’re back, gunning for the Collectors with Cerberus.”

A careful concern grew in her voice as she said this and sat down at her desk. I sat down in the chair opposite to her. That damned concern again. Yeah, I didn’t like working with Cerberus either. Wasn’t uncommon knowledge either. But I ignored it, because her even knowing that was odd.

I furrowed my brows at her. “That’s not exactly public knowledge.”

Liara smirked. “Neither is you being alive, Shepard. Information is my business now, and I’m a very good information broker.”

Indeed. Though I could use a hefty biotic on my team. Miranda was good, but Liara’s biotics were miles better than Miranda’s ever would be. I already knew she would decline to do this, but I still wanted to ask.

“What about you, Liara? I could use your help on this mission.” I asked with a smile.

She gave me another sad smile. “I can’t, Shepard. I’m sorry. I have commitments here. Things I need to take care of.”

“What kind of things do you need to take care of? Are you in trouble?” I asked concerned.

“No, no trouble. But it’s been a long two years. I had things to do while you were gone. I have debts to repay.” She cryptically explained.

Talking in circles, though I could tell she was making up her mind on whether or not to ask what she wanted to ask. So I waited. Patiently. She needed my help, didn’t she? Why wouldn’t she? Being everyone’s errand girl was my thing these days, but I would help her as a friend. No strings attached, either. In the end, she decided to ask.

“Listen, if you want to help, I need someone with hacking expertise, someone I can trust. If you could disable security at key points around Illium, you could get me information I need. That would help me a great deal.” She said and her eyes were a little desperate for me to agree, too.

“What’s this all about, Liara? Can’t you just tell me?” I asked a little frustrated.

“Don’t you think I want to, Shepard? This isn’t because I don’t trust you. This is Illium. Anything I say is probably being recorded.” She answered with the same frustration.

Bugs? Who would plant those in here? I guess espionage was fairly common on Illium and I didn’t like that. It made me worry for her, too. While she was older than me, she was mentally younger. I wanted to make sure she was safe.

“If it will help you, then I’ll take care of it.” I assured her while nodding.

“When you hack one, a server will open somewhere nearby for a short time. You can download data from there, if you hurry. Thank you, Shepard. This may help me pay a great debt.” She explained while letting a big breath go.

“No problem. I’ll talk to you later, Liara.” I said with a warm smile before we left her office.

The hacking was fairly simplistic and didn’t take too long at all. It was just like she said it was. Hack one terminal and download data from a server nearby. I sent the information to Liara. She thanked me again and told me that she would contact me later.

Oh, well. I guess that was it for today. Short and sweet, and that felt okay. That didn’t take too long at all. Tali seemed a little tired so I sent her back to the ship. Since it was just Garrus and I, maybe he would want to come with me and pick a couch out. His perfect ass was the expert, after all, being a turian one.

“So now that this is done, I was hoping you would want to help me pick out a couch.” I told him with a smile.

“I’m not an expert on human couches.” He admitted.

Didn’t he remember me saying that I wanted a turian one yesterday? I mean, I was drunk, but I wasn’t so drunk that I didn’t remember what I said myself. Must have looked at him funny, because it seemed like he suddenly understood what I was trying to say.

“Wait, are you really getting a turian one for my ass?” He asked.

“Yeah. But I also want one for myself.” I assured him.

He nodded. “Sure. Have you measured where it’s gonna be, so we’re not doing this in the dark?”

“Yes, I have.” I told him.

We went to a furniture shop on Illium and damn, most of the furniture here was of the modern and boring-looking kind. Low back-rests, nowhere to put my feet, armrests too low. I wanted a colorful, deep, comfortable and big turian couch, not a modern looking piece that would hurt my ass, too. But I wouldn’t give up right away. We would find what I wanted and take it from there.

“What kind of a couch are you looking for?” Garrus asked.

“I want an L-shaped one, but I think that could take up too much space. Unless we found a smaller one, that is. If not, then maybe a three seater with one of those fancy leg rests.” I told him.

“Let’s see what they have, then. Send me the measurements.” He said.

I sent them to him and then we roamed the shop for a turian couch. Garrus seemed to know what to look for, and it basically boiled down to ‘the biggest couches in the store.’ Most of the ones we saw looked nice, but they weren’t right. Too big, too small, nowhere to put our feet, armrests too low. It took time, and while this was such a married couple thing to do, having him help me out felt good.

“This one would fit. That’s an L-shaped one with a fancy leg rest.” Garrus suddenly said.

An L-shaped couch with fancy leg rests. Have my cake and eat it, too. It was orange, and I actually liked that. Bright and bold, and it would make my loft not look so damned boring. Armrests seemed to be good. It had pillows on it for support and they even came with the couch. Yeah. I liked this one a lot.

“Oof. I like this one.” I admitted.

“It look very comfortable.” He agreed.

“Your ass is the expert here. Does it feel good, or is it just all looks?” I asked him.

As he sat down to try it out, I immediately got the look. It was like he sank into the couch and I think I even heard him exhale as he got comfortable. She was good-looking and useable, huh? A good catch. As if it hadn’t been obvious, Garrus felt the need to tell me just how good it was.

“Oh, yeah. This one is good. Good height on the arm rests. Those fancy leg rests will feel pretty good, too. And it fits. It’s pricy, though.” He explained carefully.

20 000 credits. It was pretty pricy. But he just looked so comfortable on it and I trusted his word when he told me it was that good. He did seem to like it. And I realized I was partly basing my decision on his comfort. But that didn’t matter to me. This was partly for his comfort and I liked it myself. Besides, I could easily afford it.

“I mean… I’m willing to spend a little extra for good comfort.” I said with a small shrug.

“You sure you want a turian couch? Not everyone likes them. Humans seem to think they’re a little deep in the seat.” He countered.

I laughed. “You actually think I’ll have a lot of humans over in my room? If anything, it’s huge. It’ll fit many humans.”

“Well. If you’re sure the cost of it isn’t an issue, then I would go for this one.” He told me.

I smiled and bought it with my omni-tool. “Buying it. I need a mini-fridge and a vid screen, too.”

“Why a mini-fridge?” He asked curiously.

“So I don’t have to walk up and down to the third floor if I get thirsty or want some snacks.” I answered.

“What about the vid screen?”

“I wanna have one by my bed. Speaking of my bed, is the size of that good for you, or should I get a turian one?” I asked seriously.

“It’s like a turian queen size. It’s fine.” He assured me.

“I’ll take your word for it. You’ll be sleeping there soon.” I slyly remarked.

Finding a fridge and a vid-screen wasn’t difficult. That was just a matter of picking them out and bringing them along. I knew what sizes I would need for those things. I had already researched what I wanted, so I quickly found what I needed and was ready to go.

“Got everything you need?” Garrus wondered.

“Uh… yeah. I’m done.” I answered with a smile.

“You’re efficient with your shopping. I like that. Need some help setting it up?” He asked with a smile.

I smiled. “Yes, I would like that. Thank you. I’ll buy you dinner.”

A playfully unhappy look met me. “Buy me dinner?”

“Make you dinner?” I corrected.

“That sounds better.”

We had a quick shower and after that it was time to get to work. While he worked on putting the couch together, I went down to the third floor to cook dinner. Gardner still looked at me funny for eating turian food, but I honestly didn’t give a damn anymore. At least I washed my hands all of the time before I started to cook.

The last time I cooked for Garrus, I made steak. I went for it again. While it was a repeat, it was a fancier dinner. He deserved it for helping me with my couch.

I spent an hour making dinner just because Gardner was interested in what I was doing, so I talked to him while cooking. Christmas dinner entered our conversation and he told me he already had ordered what we would need to get cooking. Turkey, pork and lamb ribs, accessories included. He didn’t get a hold of lutefisk, and that was fine. I didn’t think that tasted good, anyway.

We planned to do some baking soon, and I wanted to see if anyone would want to join me while we did that. Maybe Jack would. I hadn’t talked to her in a while, but she seemed to want to be by herself these days. Maybe she would like to do something boring like baking with me. Why not, right?

Our dinner was done, so I got our plates on a food-tray. Steak. Man, I hadn’t had that in a long time. I couldn’t wait to eat it again. I also grabbed some dextro power-bars and a few bottles of water to put in my fridge. Why not start filling it up, right?

Food-tray in hand, I walked over to the elevators and pushed the button for the loft. As the long ride ended and I was in my room, I smiled. The couch was set up and the orange that met me looked extremely good. The fit was perfect and Garrus was already on it with his feet up on the fancy leg rests. This man was handy, wasn’t he?

“It looks great! I love the orangeness of that couch. Brings some life into this monochromatic room. Thank you for setting it up for me.” I thanked him with a smile.

“No worries. I’ll do a lot for a home-cooked meal.” He noted.

“Handy, hot and easy to please, huh? It’s a miracle that you’re still single.” I noted with a wink.

He got a little serious and sat upright. “Speaking of that…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m assuming…” He started.

Then a pause followed. Nervous? Why? Where this conversation was going was starting to stress me out, but I kept my cool for now. He wasn’t backing out, was he? No, I was being stupid. Why would he?

“No. That has just created problems for us, so I’m done just assuming thing. This thing we’re doing. Seeing if we’re right for each other. What are your thoughts about it?” He asked.

He had learned his lesson about just assuming things, and that was good. But what was this? Did he suddenly regret agreeing to do this, after all? I didn’t think he would, just because he had come to me first, but I could’ve been wrong, of course. Well, if this rejection was to come now, then I might as well jump in with both feet. Would still tell him the truth, of course.

“Well, we haven’t really gotten started yet. I’m looking forward to it starting for real.” I answered with a small smile.

He chuckled. “So am I, but that’s not what I meant. Are you thinking full exclusivity?”

Oh. Right. A turian question. Things being more open and free – with consent from both sides, of course – was common. Even with marriage. You could be married and agree to have sex with others. That wasn’t a big deal in human culture, either, though it certainly was more common with turians. Monogamy was still the more common way of doing things with humans.

I thought about it and quickly came to the conclusion that I wanted him for myself. The thought of other men or women being with him… nah. I didn’t like that. I just hoped he agreed. Now that was making me nervous, too.

“I know it can be more open and free in turian culture. It can be in human culture, too. But I don’t feel comfortable sharing you with others. Besides, I’m not interested in others, anyway. What about you?” I explained and asked carefully.

“I… was hoping you’d say that, actually. I want the same.” He answered.

“Good. Then we’re on the same page.” I said and let out a small breath I was holding.

“Yeah. Now, come on. It’s your couch. Try it out.” He said and even patted the spot next to him.

I smiled and sat the food-tray down on my table first. Then I sat down and oh lord, this couch was perfect. This had to be the most comfortable one I’d ever tried in my life. And it was mine, which somehow made it even better. Yeah. This was a good purchase. I was so happy.

“Oh, yeah. This one is good.” I said through my satisfied exhale.

“I wasn’t sure where you wanted the vid-screen, though. I let that be for now.” Garrus noted.

“Uh-huh. You’re just trying to get another dinner out of me.” I teased and bumped my shoulder to his.

“Busted.”

I laughed and sat upright. “Now, eat your food, good sir. Do you want some wine?”

“Sure. Let’s have a glass.” He agreed.

I got up to my wine cabinet and fished out a fresh bottle of vina rubris. The red wine called Red Wine. That was still so funny in my mind. Well, at least you knew what you got. I filled our glasses and sat the bottle on the table for easy top-ups. Then we started to eat.

“You settled for turian food today, too?” He asked as he glanced at my plate.

“I’ve been eating turian food for a long time.” I answered with a confused smile on my face.

“Why?” He asked confused.

Right. He actually didn’t know about this. I wanted to tell him when I found out, but he had been busy. Then it honestly just escaped my mind. But now I could tell him and blow his mind with turning into an actual turian on the inside.

“Because I don’t have to eat levo-food anymore. I have cybernetics and nano bots inside me. They break down dextro-food. Mordin discovered it. Wanna know something else? He said that my cybernetics and nano bots would counter any radiation on Palaven.” I told him excitedly.

“You’re turning into an actual turian.” Garrus noted after the initial shock subsided.

“Seems like I am.” I agreed with a smile.

“You could also live on Palaven without any issues at all.” He noted again.

“Mhm. That’s my current retirement plan. Buy a house in Cipritine, eat turian food, and take daily walks under Trebia with a smile on my face.” I said and smiled.

“Would you let me visit your mansion in Cipritine?” He asked carefully.

That was sweet. While this relationship-thingy we were doing was too fresh to talk about stuff like that, I had to admit that I had already pictured him being there with me. Those pictures felt really good to think about. Mansion, though. Yeah, he had gathered that I was loaded. Wouldn’t get a mansion. Maybe a house or an apartment. And would I let him visit?

“I was hoping you would occupy it with me.” I teased.

He eyed me with a sly smile on his face. “Better watch yourself, softy, or I’ll actually move in with you.”

I laughed at the ‘threat’ he gave me. “Ooh, what a threat that is.”

I dug into my food, and I had to admit that I was getting good at making turian food. Steak was medium-rare, tasted really good, and so did the accessories. Spicy and savory. A good match. This red wine wasn’t the best match for this dish, but I didn’t really know wines too well. I always was a liquor person. Wine was always something fancy in my mind and if there was one thing I wasn’t, it was fancy.

“This is so good. You almost rival my dad.” Garrus noted.

“Is he a good cook?” I asked curiously.

He nodded. “He really is. He’s the one who taught me.”

“Then thank you for the compliment.” I thanked.

He hadn’t talked about his family a lot and I gathered there still was some tension there. I knew he had a sister. Besides that, I knew his relationship with his dad was strained. He hadn’t told me a lot about his mom. I wanted to know more about them, but decided to leave it until he felt ready to talk about it with me on his own.

We continued to eat and I ended up feeling very satisfied and full. Damn, this was so good. And I could eat it all I wanted and still survive. That made it even better. What made it perfect, was that Garrus gave me a turian kiss after we were done eating.

“That was good, softy. Thank you.” He thanked me.

“You’re very welcome.” I told him.

I sat back on my new couch and I suddenly felt at peace. My feet were up, Garrus got comfortable with his feet back on the fancy leg rests, and I took some privileges. I leaned against his chest and created a little nook for myself. This was nice. This was cozy. As soon as the arm wrapped around me, it felt perfect.

“I had my first gene therapy session yesterday.” He noted.

“Yeah, that’s right. How was it?” I wondered.

“Pain free and fairly quick. But something weird happened. It’s been a while since you did it, but do you remember experiencing… weird emotions? Not before or after doing it, but while you were doing it?” He sheepishly asked.

I laughed. “Yeah. That’s one of the side-effects. You can get emotional while it’s being done. It’s not dangerous, but it feels very strange. I remember going from hysteric laughter, to being furious, and then straight over to crying my eyes out. It was like I was on my period.”

“On your what?” He asked confused.

“Period. Female reproduction cycle?” I explained.

“I have no idea how that works on humans.” He told me.

“You want the explanation?” I offered up, and immediately regretted it.

It wasn’t embarrassing to talk about. It wasn’t weird or anything. This was a normal part of a woman’s life. But there was something attached to this that I felt apprehensive telling him about. The weird thing was that I had no rational reason to feel this way, because it actually wasn’t something I cared about. And yet I was scared he would think I was less attractive because of it. Emotions. Difficult. Oh, well. Maybe he would turn the offer down.

“I mean… I should probably know what it is. I don’t want to upset you when you’re experiencing that.” He said, like a true human man would.

“Spoken like a true man. I guess Karin or Mordin could explain this better than I can, but I’ll give it a try. It’s a process that happens roughly once a month. The ovary releases an egg to be fertilized. If that doesn’t happen, then it gets expelled along with a uterine lining about two weeks later. It makes women bleed for up to a week.” I explained after chuckling.

He was silent for a few seconds. “Damn. That sounds… is it painful?”

“Not the process itself. Cramping is normal and that tends to be very painful. You don’t have to worry about me, though. I unfortunately haven’t experienced it since being brought back to life. I’m not on any birth control to stop that process either. I suspect I’m infertile.” I admitted.

“Oh. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry to hear that?” He carefully said.

And there was the reason I thought he might find me less attractive. Again, I knew it was an irrational thought. He was a turian and I was a human. Us procreating would never happen anyway. I honestly didn’t think it was an issue at all, because adoption was just as good in my mind. But while I firmly believed that was the case, it – on some level – still made me feel like less of a woman. And I hated that I felt that way, because I didn’t believe it was true.

“Mixed emotions. It’s another reminder that I’m… it’s difficult to explain. It’s not something I think about a lot.” I answered silently.

“Are you sure about that?” He softly asked.

“Yeah. I guess it’s more that it’s another part of me that’s wrong, in some sense. Like I’m lacking in an area I shouldn’t be lacking in. At the same time, I don’t really worry about being infertile. We could adopt. Like I said, hard to explain.” I explained.

Wait, what did I just say? We could adopt? Damn it, Mikaela. Way to make things awkward. We hadn’t really started anything here properly, and I was talking like we were going to get married and have kids. In our mansion in Cipritine, huh? My inner thoughts didn’t always have to announce themselves around him. I just felt so comfortable with him that things just blurted out without any second thought at all.

Garrus started to play with my hair like nothing weird ever happened right now. Maybe he didn’t hear it, or, hell, maybe he did and liked the thought of that. What was certain, was that he didn’t know what to tell me to make me feel better. That was fine. There wasn’t anything to be said, and I didn’t expect him to say anything at all.

“I don’t know if this helps, but I don’t mind if you’re infertile.” He assured me.

I smiled to myself and wrapped his arm tighter around myself. “That does help.”

Then a comfortable silence fell between us as he fiddled with my hair lovingly and I relaxed against him. This was just nice. Calm. Relaxing after dinner. It felt comfortable and natural. Like something I wanted to more of. A sort of happy couple kind of existence.

Would we even be considered a couple right now? We hung out, we apparently ate together, we agreed to be exclusive, and we relaxed like couples did. What was missing was the romance and the sex part of it, but that would happen as soon as his gene therapy was done. This was just a weird middle stage where we had no idea what we were.

“Who are we getting tomorrow?” He wondered.

“Thane Krios. He’s an assassin. It’s rumored that he’s currently on Illium hunting down a target.” I answered.

“But there were two dossiers for Illium, right?” He asked.

“Yes. The last one is for Samara. She’s a justicar, whatever that means.” I told him.

“Justicar. Now that’s a rarity. I don’t know too much about them myself, only that they’re very rare these days. Who are you bringing to pick them up?” He wondered.

I smiled to myself and chuckled. “Who do you think?”

“Yeah, I don’t know why I even asked.” He noted with a chuckle.

But his answer made me feel bad. While I wanted him with me, I had brought him along for every single mission we went to. He hadn’t said anything about it, but I often felt guilty about doing that. I needed him. He was my partner in crime. But that didn’t mean it was fair to expect him to come along all the damned time.

“You will tell me if you need a break, right?” I asked him.

“Are you worried about me?” He chuckled out.

“Not necessarily. But I constantly feel guilty. I don’t want to tire you out. I have extra bits and pieces that help me out. You don’t.” I told him guiltily.

He laughed. “I’m only 24, Mika. Not an old man yet. Besides, I would rather be out there watching your six. Keep you safe personally.”

“Well, aren’t you sweet.” I answered with a smile on my face.

I never thought he would be the more romantic type, but I didn’t mind if he was at all. Romance never was a bad thing in my mind, as long as it didn’t become soft. It was the overly sweet, careful and romantic kind of romance I wasn’t into. Reciting poetry, that kind of stuff.

Romance with passion, however. That was something else. Like clawing the sheets while being told my freckles looked like a galaxy. That kind of stuff was fine. And that image also made me smile to myself as I started to fantasize about what kind of a lover he was.

We hadn’t talked too much about preferences or past experiences. I always pictured him having a passionate side, though I didn’t think he pulled it out too often with the women he’d been with. That made sense, just because he hadn’t been in a serious relationship before. Other than that, I had no idea what he was like in bed. Looked forward to experiencing it, though.

“What are you thinking about?” Garrus asked slyly.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I teased with a smile.

“Come on… tell me.” He teased.

“I’m thinking about how much I’m looking forward to your gene therapy being done.” I admitted, and felt warmth rise to my cheeks.

“I’ll tell you a secret. I’m looking forward to that, too.”

He leaned in for a kiss and I kissed him back, of course. Damn, I longed for it to not stop, but I knew that would be irresponsible as ever. This felt nice, though. A couple’s existence, even if I didn’t know if that was what we were right now. We ended the kiss with a turian one, while I listened to Garrus purr out his happiness to me with a smile on my face.

“Did Mordin say anything about how long it’s gonna take?” I wondered curiously.

He chuckled. “He’s not sure yet. It depends on how quickly my allergies change with the gene therapy. I’ll know more in two days.”

“He gave me the sex talk yesterday.” I told him.

“What?” He asked after breaking away from me.

“He figured out that I’m into you, I think. He gave me the sex talk on interspecies relations. It was… awkward.” I elaborated.

It was awkward just because I was sure I had more experience with turians than Mordin did. At least I think so. Then there was just the fact that it was so clinical. At the same time, I had gotten good information, especially with regards to pain management. I had to remember to go see him and ask when I could add another weave. He thought five would be the right amount. I had three, but needed to wait between adding more.

“Yeah, I can imagine it was.” Garrus agreed thoughtfully.

I looked up at him. “Has he done that with you?”

“Yeah. Just as awkward. He did it while the session was happening. That’s when I noticed something was up, because I couldn’t stop laughing like a maniac.” He said, and I ended up breaking down laughing.

Chapter Text

Thane Krios

- Quick-kill biotic specialist
- Expert sniper

Thane Krios is a drell trained from childhood as an elite assassin, proficient in both long-range sniping kills and close infiltration. He has slowed his activities in recent years but is rumored to have a target on Illium.

Thane. A biotic sniper, which was an interesting combo. How would one describe Thane? My first impression was that he was an elegant and stoic man, much like how I remembered Thalyat being. Taking down the enemies in the room we ended up in was like watching someone elegantly dance. They were collateral damage. It was Nassana Dantius he was really after. An asari bitch I remembered from two years ago, who manipulated me to kill her own sister.

The man himself had green skin, eyes as dark as the void and what resembled red gills on the sides of his head – though I wasn’t sure if they were gills at all. He had five fingers, though the two middle ones were fused together. I had forgotten about that trait all together. He wore what looked like a leather coat paired with black pants and boots. Dark armor. Good for hiding in places.

I figured he was more like me than I ever thought he was. The only thing that made me cringe was the fact that he had a damned SMG as a sidearm. Ew. Why? People were free to use whatever they wanted, but there were just some weapon types I didn’t understand why people used. SMGs were one of those. Why not just use a heavy pistol? More damage and less messy – it only made sense.

Then he prayed for his own sins after taking her life. It was all very romantic to watch and brought me back to my own days as an assassin. Granted, I never prayed for any lives I took or for my own soul – I wasn’t religious at all, and I was just a tool for the Alliance – though I understood why he did it. I even waited for him to be done. Patiently. He took his sweet time.

The climb up to Nassana’s office was a long one. We saved some salarians that were injured and trapped. We had to deal with the Eclipse on our way up, too. I brought Kasumi and Garrus with me for this one, just because I knew I would need a lot of overloading abilities. The Eclipse loved their tech, indeed. It was a long way up, but as we finally reached the top, we provided the distraction Thane needed to finish his assassination contract.

I presented my case to him, told him who I was, who I was working for, and what we were doing. He agreed to join my squad, shook my hand, and told me he would not accept any credits for it either. Admirable, but why, you ask? He dropped a bombshell with that. He was mortally ill. I needed more information about that, and I decided to ask as we were in a shuttle on our way back to the Normandy. Sat down next to him, too.

“You said you were dying.” I said carefully.

“Yes. I thought you’d want to know more. You don’t have to worry about the rest of the crew. My illness is not communicable, even to other drell. It’s called Kepral’s Syndrome.” He told me.

It had been so long since I last spoke with a drell. That familiar buzz was in his voice. Not the dual-toned way Garrus spoke, but rather like how some humans used voice boxes to speak. It was faint, though still noticeable. His voice was on the deeper side to begin with and it made it that much more intense to listen to. He was calm, collected and stoic as he spoke.

“I’ve never heard about it before.” I admitted.

“My people are native to an arid world. Most of us now live on Kahje, the hanar homeworld. It’s very humid, and rains every day. Our lungs can’t deal with the moisture. Over time, the tissue loses its ability to absorb oxygen. It becomes harder to breathe. Eventually, we suffocate.” Thane explained.

“Is there anything to be done about that?” I wondered.

“The hanar have funded a genetic engineering program. They should be able to adapt us. The project has only been running for a few years. I don’t believe my body will still draw breath by the time it bears fruit.” He told me.

The obvious observation came to mind. “Why live on Kahje?”

“Drell have a close relationship with the hanar. We rely on each other. The best we can do is keep our homes very dry inside.” He explained.

“I feel like an asshole for asking this, but are you going to be all right until the end of the mission?” I wondered apologetically.

He nodded. “I should be fine for another eight to twelve months. The more time I spend in humid environments, the faster it progresses. I think it’s safe to say that by the time my body is incapacitated, we’ll be victorious, or dead. Either way, I won’t be a burden to you.”

No, damn it. I didn’t ask because I thought he would be a burden to me, though I guess one could argue that was on my mind. I asked because I wondered if maybe he would want me to bring him to family, or something like that. I would, if he wanted that for the time he had left alive. I would greatly understand if he wanted that.

Feeling a little guilty for him thinking I thought he might be a burden, I placed my hand on his and gave it a small squeeze. His skin felt so interesting. Kinda rubbery, but still dry. Like snakeskin, maybe, though they didn’t feel rubbery at all. Me holding his hand made him look at me curiously, and I had no idea why.

“Is there anything we can do? The Normandy has a state-of-the-art medical bay.” I offered up.

“No, thank you. It’s being attended to. If the finest medical minds in the hanar Illuminated Primacy can’t solve the problem, I doubt your ship’s medic could.” He answered just as stoically as ever.

I nodded in understanding and got what he meant. Then I let go of his hand. He seemed to be at peace with his condition and that was okay with me. Though I found him to be a little cold and stand-offish, I understood why now. Knowing you would die would change you in one way or another. He decided the stoic route was his way to go. He still seemed respectable and likeable though, and I bet he would be a great asset to the team.

Thane then suddenly took my hand in his and squeezed his four fingers around it. I looked at it and back up at him with a smile as he smiled back at me.

“Thank you for your concern. Trust me. This won’t affect my performance.” He assured me.

That was more why I asked about his condition. Not because I wondered if he would be a burden, but rather if he was up for this at all. That was what I needed to know. He was capable – I had seen that with my own eyes – so I had no doubt this was the case, since he now said it himself. Had he been too sick, then I would’ve offered to take him somewhere safe instead.

His hand lingered for a second too long on mine, before he let it go and turned to face ahead of him. Felt a little awkward that it lingered for that long, but I guess he was just assuring me that everything would be fine. Either that, or this was something new to him, where he was just mirroring what I was doing. A little awkward, but I forgot about it right after it happened.

I did the same and tried to catch Garrus’ eyes with my own, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at Thane with a look I didn’t expect at all. He actually looked angry as he intimidatingly stared Thane down. Glancing at Thane, he was staring back at Garrus with a stoic expression, though there seemed to be a hint of a smug twinkle in his eye.

The fuck was going on between these two?

Wait, why was Garrus angry in the first place? Had something happened that I hadn’t noticed? Had Thane said something to him that triggered him? Garrus wouldn’t meet my eyes at first, but as he did, he seemed frustrated, or even angry at me, and I had no idea why. I looked at him confused, but decided to ignore it for now, as I had to officially welcome Thane to the crew and give him a place to stay on the ship.

As the shuttle stopped and we went to exit to the Normandy, Garrus purposefully placed himself between Thane and me all the way to the elevator. He even rode it to the second floor with us and I found that… strange. What exactly was his problem? I almost asked, but decided to leave it for a private conversation. We didn’t need to bring this up in a public setting.

We went into the comm room where Jacob already was ready for us. And he kept a great distance to Thane, for whatever reason he had. What was this? Another person who had an issue with Thane? Jacob always seemed a little awkward when he welcomed people to the ship, especially aliens. I never thought this was on purpose, but rather that he had trouble thinking before he spoke.

Though if this would continue, then we really needed another person to do the welcoming. A part of me couldn’t wait to hear what this would be about now.

“I’ve heard impressive stories, Krios. Sounds like you’ll be an asset to the team. That is, if you’re comfortable having an assassin watch your back.” Jacob said coldly.

Great. I guess the awkwardness in the shuttle wasn’t enough. We had to bring it in here, too. A backhanded compliment just because Thane worked as an assassin. I didn’t think anyone in Cerberus knew I worked as an assassin for seven years and I wondered what Jacob would feel about me if I told him. I sighed audibly in frustration and was about to say something, but Thane stepped in before I could.

“I’ve accepted a contract. My arm is Shepard’s.” He said stoically and looked at me with a smile.

“Uh-huh. Don’t know about you, but I’m loyal to more than my next paycheck.” Jacob noted, and I just had enough at that point.

“He’s obviously that, too. He wants to do this mission for free. What exactly is your problem, Jacob?” I sourly asked.

“I don’t like mercenaries. An assassin is just a precise mercenary.” He answered me defiantly.

If that was the case then you could technically call every person in here who wasn’t a part of Cerberus a mercenary. They accepted this job for credits – just like mercs accepted credits for jobs they did. What a silly point to make.

Yes, I understood that he was referring to the fact that Thane was a professional assassin, but I hadn’t heard him badmouth the other mercs on our squad – at least not with me around, or course. At least an assassin would do things cleanly. I had seen Thane in action. He definitely made his kills clean. A lot more clean than, say, Zaeed did, especially when he set a whole refinery on fire.

“An assassin is a weapon. A weapon doesn’t choose to kill. The one who wields it does. Where shall I put my things? I’d prefer someplace dry, if anything is available.” Thane asked and changed the topic stoically.

The area near the life support plant on the crew deck tends to be slightly more arid than the rest of the ship.

“Ah. An AI? My thanks.” He answered and left.

Everyone seemed thrown off by EDI being here. I got it, since she was illegal. But she was just so damned useful and I couldn’t see myself not having her on the ship anymore. I liked her a lot.

Keen on not letting my frustration get me into a heated argument with Jacob, I left for my cabin. I needed to take my armor off and clean it. That’s of course when Garrus entered my mind. Why had he been so angry? Had I done something I wasn’t supposed to do? Had Thane pushed him in some way? Been an asshole without me catching it? This was irritating me a lot.

I didn’t need tension between our squad mates and I certainly couldn’t focus with this tension in the air, so I decided to wait with my shower and headed down to the main battery right away in just my undersuit. I already knew that both Garrus and I had bad experiences with leaving issues to fester, and the quicker we resolved this, the quicker we could move on. But as I entered the main battery in only my undersuit, he wasn’t there.

Officer Vakarian is headed to the forwards batteries, Mika.

See, this was why EDI was so damned useful. She knew I wanted to talk to him, and so she told me where he was before I could say anything. A little scary? No, I didn’t think so. I decided to lean on his console with my front towards the door and stood there waiting for him with my arms crossed over my chest. As soon as they opened, Garrus froze slightly at the sight of me being there. Then he walked in, closed the doors behind him, and headed over to the crates where his case was.

“What’s going on?” I asked seriously while I kept eyeing him.

He averted my gaze as he leaned on the table, but didn’t answer me right away. What in the world? No, I needed him to talk to solve this. We were supposed to see if we were right for each other. That meant that we needed to talk when there were issues. And never mind that – we were working closely together. I didn’t need things to be awkward between us when that was the case. We had already been through that and knew how bad it was.

“I think we’ve known each other long enough at this point for you to tell me if something’s bothering you.” I added while still looking at him.

He sighed and looked at me. Thoughts that had to consist of things being tense and awkward for so long already had to have entered his mind, too, because he seemed to want to tell me what was up.

“I thought you said you only were interested in me.” He stated in an almost angry tone.

His words and anger caught me off guard and I looked at him confused. I told him this yesterday – I was there when I said it. Of course that was still true. Why wouldn’t it be? Wait. Why was he angry with me?

“Yes?” I asked confused.

“Well, did you mean it?” He demanded and that made me more confused.

“Of course I meant it. Garrus, I don’t understand why you’re angry.” I answered quickly and desperately as my own confusion just kept on growing.

He eyed me for a few good seconds and studied my confused facial expression. “How many drell have you met before?”

“Except for Thane? One. We didn’t really talk. He didn’t like me.” I answered honestly.

This skirting around was working up a frustration within me at this point. Turians liked being direct and honest, and he was not being direct at all. This was getting solved now and I wouldn’t stop until he told me what his problem was.

“How much do you know about their customs?” He demanded again.

“Nothing. I barely know anything about them at all, other than what Thane told me in the shuttle. Can you stop skirting around the issue and just tell me what’s bothering you?” I demanded back.

He eyed me again and started softening as he realized that I maybe didn’t know what had happened. “I’m starting to think you have no idea what happened.”

“Yeah, good catch, officer.” I sarcastically answered.

Guess what? I immediately regretted saying that. He was obviously angry or hurt by something I had done around Thane, and I didn’t want to be snarky with him when that was the case. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I took a step towards him.

“I’m sorry for saying that. Look, I can sense that you’re angry with me. If I did something that bothered you, then please tell me what it was.” I pleaded more softly with him.

“You touched him. And when he touched you back, you didn’t say anything.” He explained and that didn’t really explain anything at all.

“So what? I shook his hand when he joined. I touched his hand when I asked if there was something we could do with regards to his condition. Then he touched my hand back when he assured me it wouldn’t be a problem. But what’s the harm in that? It’s just friendly. I touch others like that too, and I haven’t seen you react to that like this before.” I countered.

My confusion came back to me as I really didn’t understand why that had set him off. Touching his hand set him off. That concerned me. If he couldn’t deal with me being friendly and even touch others in a friendly way, then I didn’t know if a relationship with him could work at all. That kind of jealousy would be too much for me.

I pleaded him with my eyes, almost at the point of tears, to please clarify his reaction for me. I needed him to tell me that this all wasn’t because of a simple friendly touch. I needed to know that there was something more to this. He let out a breath at my reaction, now sure that I didn’t have a clue about what had happened.

“Okay. I’m positive you actually don’t know about this now.” He said in a relieved tone.

As much as I wanted to throw another snarky comment at him at that moment, I held my tongue. What he said made it obvious that whatever I had done had been just more than just a friendly touch, and that was incredibly concerning to think about. I also needed Garrus to tell me, so I could understand. Researching this on my own just seemed to take a lot more time than I needed it to.

“Drell flirt with skin-to-skin touch. Even a simple gesture, like placing his hand on your hand, is him flirting with you. In his eyes, you initiated it first by touching his hand. I understand now that you didn’t know and didn’t mean for it to be anything more than just friendly.” He explained calmly.

What I liked about that, was that he wasn’t jealous of me just being friendly with others. That he didn’t mind. But he thought I was actively flirting with Thane. Right in front of him. The day after we agreed to be exclusive, even. I quickly understood why he was angry – no wonder, right? I would have been angry if he did the same under the same circumstances.

I closed my eyes and brought a hand to my face in shame. Thane seemed like an interesting individual and while he was attractive, I had no romantic feelings for him. Too stoic for my liking, even if he had a very good reason to be that way. Something told me he would be a passionate lover, but I just had no feelings for him. I had no idea my friendly gesture could mean something entirely different to him.

Why hadn’t I researched this? Because I liked learning from people directly, of course. I very much regretted that way of thinking this time. This had almost cost me dating Garrus – for very good reasons – and that was not okay. I was happy I pushed this talk with him now, because I needed to fix this right away.

“I’m sorry, Garrus. I honestly didn’t know. No wonder you’re angry with me.” I apologized sincerely.

I walked out of the main batteries in a slight panic. Determination to set this right at once was what I felt, and I didn’t wait for Garrus to answer me before I left. I took a deep breath to calm myself down before I walked into life support. Thane was sitting at a desk, seemingly in prayer. He heard me enter and turned around to face me.

Damn. This was going to be so very awkward, and I had trouble figuring out how I wanted to start the conversation. But in the end I decided the turian route would be the best one, even if it would be embarrassing. Direct and honest.

“I’ve uh… been informed about your courting customs.” I started sheepishly.

I took a deep breath and thought I was being insanely idiotic right now. Feeling this embarrassed was stupid. I was an adult and had to let him know right away that I wasn’t interested in him.

“In human culture, touching like that is seen as just being friendly. I wasn’t aware that it’s seen as flirting within your species. You seem like a great guy, Thane, and I’m really sorry if I gave you another impression. I’m not interested in you in that way. I’m already dating someone else. I’d like to get to know you more, though, but just in a friendly setting.” I said honestly to him while giving him an apologetic look.

“Thank you for clarifying. The turian’s reaction told me something was going on. No need to apologize, Shepard. I understand it was a misunderstanding.” He answered stoically, though with a small smile.

I smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you for being so understanding, Thane. I’ll head up for my shower now.”

Back into the elevator I went to get to my loft, even leaning on the wall as I waited for the slow elevator ride to end. What a day. I never thought I’d fuck up this bad that fast in a romantic setting. I felt bad for doing it but consoled myself with the fact that I didn’t know, and that I fixed it right away.

I spent some time cleaning my armor and weapons, before I jumped out of my undersuit, took a long and hot shower, and changed to my sleepwear. What to do after that, though? My vid-screen hadn’t been mounted yet, so I decided to place it on a wall by my bed. Good for those watch movies in bed-nights. That only took a few minutes, and I found myself with more time to kill.

I guess learning some more turian could be done, as I badly needed to learn how to read it. Well, not badly, but I needed to practice it. The speaking part of it was good. I understood Garrus perfectly and always kept my translator off around him. Actually speaking myself was difficult. I hesitated with that. I was afraid of fucking up. A little perfectionist, something I never pictured myself being outside work. Someday I would have to just try. Emphasis on someday, though.

After working on it for a couple of hours, I felt eyes on me from behind as a familiar and delicious earthy scent spread across the room. I took a deep breath, turned around and looked at Garrus apologetically. He was in his casuals that looked so good on him, the green ones. In his hands was a food tray with two portions of a turian dinner that he had made.

“Mika, I’m sorry for being so angry.” He apologized.

“I’m the one who fucked up. Unknowingly, but I’m still sorry about it. I’m just happy you told me, so I could set it right. I meant what I said yesterday. You’re the only one I’m interested in, and I hope you still don’t doubt it.” I answered as I stood up to face him.

“I don’t. Can we put it behind us? I made dinner for us.” He offered up.

“Of course we can. Let’s sit down and eat.” I answered with a smile.

We went down to the couch and sat down to eat. I didn’t know what this dish was called, but it looked like fish. Kinda like sushi, actually. Maybe it was turian sushi, though I had no idea what that would look like.

We started to eat. I already knew Garrus could cook. He had even spoon-fed me on the old Normandy once, but actually tasting his cooking again was insane. He was a really good cook and I suspected his mentor was his dad. I would have to cook with him to learn. Everything was balanced perfectly. If he kept this up, then I would have to insist that he cooked every day.

“Thane came to see me after you talked to him. We had a good talk. He’s a really interesting guy.” He said and looked at me.

“Yeah? I guess he is interesting. He’s an assassin. We usually are an interesting bunch.” I teased back with a wink, and it earned me a chuckle.

“While he understood that we were dating and exclusive, he offered up to third-party with us if we wanted that. No strings attached.” He suddenly said and I ended up staring at him.

“Excuse me? A threesome? Did I hear that right?” I asked shocked.

“You did.” He confirmed.

“Well, what did you tell him?” I wondered.

“That I would run it by you first.” He said.

Place the decision in my hands. Sneaky, but I would allow it, because this was very much a mutual decision. Wait. Garrus hadn’t told him no right away. Did that mean that he actually would be down to have a threesome with me and Thane? Did he really want that, or was it something he just was down for? Now I wondered if I would feel bad for potentially saying no to a threesome.

“Wait, are you actually down for that?” I asked.

“As long as it’s no strings attached with the third party, then yeah.” He answered with a shrug.

I got really curious now, just because he seemed to have experience. “Have you had threesomes before?”

He nodded and smiled. “A couple of times. You haven’t?”

“No. Was it fun?” I asked.

“Was it mind-blowingly fun and something I have to do to be happy? No. Was it something I would be down with doing again? Sure. It works best when you’re either the third party, or you do it with a third party that’s not attached to you in any way. No close friends, no exes and only with a person everyone finds attractive.” He explained.

I had no doubt that Garrus was experienced sexually and I didn’t know why it surprised me to learn that he had done this before. The guy was hot and I bet people everywhere found him attractive. Hell, Doctor Michel seemed really keen on him. I had actually received an e-mail where she talked about Garrus not returning her calls. I would have to remember to tease him about that sometime.

I was experienced too, but I had never had a threesome before. It was on my to do-list. A thing I wanted to try before I died. Doing it with him and another person… yeah, I would be down to do that. And the apparent rules he told me about made a lot of sense. Those would be the things I would follow if we were to do this someday.

“Are you attracted to Thane?” I asked curiously.

He nodded and shrugged like it was no big deal. “He’s a good-looking guy. More than that? No. You don’t find him attractive? Drell usually have a lot of sex-appeal.”

That also surprised me a little. Garrus had never gone very in depth about what kind of sexual experiences he had or what he personally preferred, and neither had I. I didn’t think he was romantically interested in men, but I had also never asked about that. Maybe he was like me in that regard. He had nothing against having sex with men, in the same sense that I didn’t mind having sex with women, but he wouldn’t want to enter a relationship with a man, like how I didn’t want that with a woman.

I didn’t mind that at all. A little same-sex fun in the sheets? Why not, right?

But that wasn’t what he asked. He asked if I found Thane attractive. I thought about it. He had a certain intenseness to him that was interesting, and he was attractive. I also thought he would be a passionate lover. He wasn’t a guy I would be interested in having a relationship with, just because I found him to be a bit too serious for me, but as a third party in a threesome? Maybe.

If we did this then I think it would have to be later, when Garrus and I were comfortable with each other in the sheets. It didn’t sound like a bad idea, but it sounded like a bad idea to do this right away.

“He has a certain appeal to him, but I don’t know if that’s just the intenseness he gives off. He’s very stoic and intense. I’ll think about it.” I answered, as I had no straight answer to give.

Kept it open, though he nodded and understood what I meant. I guess if I were to try this with someone, then doing it with someone that I trusted and felt comfortable with was a good idea. He didn’t seem to mind adding a man into the mix. For a threesome, I would actually prefer that. Though I wouldn’t object to one with another woman either, if he suggested that.

“Thank you for the dinner. It was delicious.” I thanked him and kissed him on the mandible.

“You’re welcome. I see you got the vid-screen up on your own. Saved me a home-cooked meal. Do you want to watch a movie?” He asked.

“Let’s do that. Let me just activate my translator first, so I understand the movie.” I answered and started to fiddle with my omni-tool.

“What?” He asked confused.

“My translator?” I explained and pointed to my omni-tool.

“Do you understand me without your translator on?” He asked shocked.

“Yeah. I’ve had it off around you for a while now.” I admitted with a smile.

“Why is mine on, then?” He wondered.

“It’s difficult to speak, Garrus. I don’t wanna fuck up.” I sheepishly told him.

“If you’ve come this far on your own and you understand me without any issues, then I’m sure you can speak. We’re watching a movie now, but I’ll turn mine off soon. Force you to speak. Won’t even tell you when.” He threatened with a sly smile.

We moved to the bed and he wanted to see Blasto. We had already seen Blasto multiple times. He didn’t want to see it to follow the plot – that much I understood. I wondered if he was going to suggest that we did something else at some point in this movie. As much as I would rather want to invite him to fuck me silly, it wouldn’t be safe. We both knew that.

But I still decided to let him take the lead to what was going to happen. So I just sat there and waited for him to make his move while I pretended to watch the movie. When half of the movie was over, he started running his talons over my arms to make me shiver. There we go. I smiled to myself and looked over at him.

“Wanna practice kissing?” I asked and I got a surprised chuckle back for that.

“Thought you’d never ask.” He answered in his deep voice.

Happy with the answer I got, I leaned over towards him and kissed him while resting my arms on his shoulders. We went slow at first and I stayed clear of any part of his body that would turn him on or stimulate him sexually in any way. No, I wanted him to be here for as long as he could handle it.

As the intensity picked up and he started adding more tongue, I felt his hands starting to explore my body a little more than he’d done before. They went from the back of my head and down my bare back before they stopped by my hips. Being in a crop top made me feel his bare skin against mine and it felt just a touch rougher and very warm. Inviting and safe. Plus his hands were huge. I really liked that.

Mordin’s suggestion of adding skin weaves entered my mind. Funny how those things happened when other things were going down. Garrus’ hands weren’t rough enough to cause any harm, but his plates certainly were. I had added three skin weaves at this point and hoped Mordin was right. Two more, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about chafing or being punctured with his talons that easily.

His hands went up under my crop top as he felt the front of my body. You bet your ass I leaned into that. They grazed the side of my breast as he went up which made me quiver slightly in anticipation. As much as I wanted to put my hands on his body and explore him too, I continued to restrain myself. This was hot and I didn’t want the moment to pass too quickly.

But I could move it a little along. I offered for him to lie down on top for me by putting pressure on his shoulders and leaning back a bit. I didn’t have to do it twice, as he quickly was between my legs and on top of me. Our kissing soon evolved to us making out deeply with heavy tongue. Level ten hit, and I wasn’t going to complain about that.

Garrus was aware that he was heavier than me, and so he kept most of his weight off me with his left arm. I could still feel some of his weight on me and I liked that. That was one of the things I liked. Feeling the weight of the other person on me. I could have had more of it on me, but I let him stay in control and set the pacing.

The man was purring his satisfaction to me while a deeper rumble came from his chest. That was the one that sounded like he was going to hunt or eat me. It drove me wild. Garrus was welcome to eat me any day. Did he really enjoy kissing that much? He was doing a very good job of it. Like he just needed a reminder of how it was on his console, and now he was slowly turning into a pro.

His right hand traveled back down my waist, over my hips, down my thigh and hooked itself underneath my left knee. Level ten indeed. Apparently I didn’t need a second invite, either. I automatically gave him my leg. Just to make sure we really were at level ten, I spread my legs further apart and slight tilted my pelvis upwards.

Holy fuck, this was hot. Mind you, this was only kissing, but that didn’t mean that I had an easy time here. It became increasingly more difficult to not try to turn him on. My own arousal kept on growing and growing, and I started getting wetter and wetter. His groin was basically right up against mine, and that really didn’t help me calm down either.

He broke the kiss with a shiver going through his entire body. Great. He smelled my horniness in the air and he took a few seconds to look at me intrigued. Did he have to ask this time? No, it didn’t look like he had to do that. This was sad, though. We had crossed that line, and I cursed at myself as I understood that our fun would be over for tonight.

“I can’t help it. You drive me wild.” I apologized sheepishly.

That disappointment was tangible. You would have to be deaf to not hear it. What a thirsty and horny little teenager I was. It embarrassed me a little, just because I could feel heat going to my face. They were probably turning into a nice crimson in front of him.

I gasped in surprise as he gave me a sly smile and started trailing his tongue down my neck and chest. Soft nibbles with his mouth plates sometimes replaced the tender licks he gave me, and I started breathing heavier while softly moaning at the change of pace. All right! This was a bad idea. I knew that right away. Didn’t mean that I had the willpower to stop him from doing it.

No, my self-control went right out of the window, because I started stimulating his sensitive neck in return. Lightly at first, before I added heavier and heavier pressure. I could feel him bring up one knee underneath him. I was doing something to him, because he started beathing heavier and moaning himself at what I was doing.

It wasn’t long before I started feeling him becoming hard. He was in his civvies and that fabric was thick. Being in thin shorts and with no underwear underneath, I could get a sense of how big we was through that. Big like turians usually were, and that was no surprise. But it felt like he was a lot more girthier than I remembered them being. That had to be wrong. Fuck, I really wanted to just find out, and the fact that I couldn’t for his safety drove me insane.

But I had no self-control. My hand therefore traveled down his chest towards his cock automatically, but luckily that triggered my brain to enter the mix. I managed to stop myself before I reached it, because pictures of anaphylaxis, broken keel bones and Garrus dying entered my mind. It somewhat killed the mood for me, and however much I never thought I would say this, I was thankful for that happening.

The anticipation drove Garrus to basically dry-hump me. Slowly and passionately. He didn’t know, but he started stimulating my clit with his shameless rutting, and as he continued to slowly work me up to an orgasm, I knew we had to stop before something idiotic happened.

“Garrus. This is a bad idea. We have to stop.” I begged, but it didn’t really stop me from moving with him.

“Why?” He asked playfully as he continued rutting against me.

It made me chuckle between my heavier breaths. “Oh, I really don’t want to. But your gene therapy isn’t done. You’ll get sick from me, and I don’t want that. I don’t trust myself to think clearly if you keep doing what you’re doing.”

My brain was in the game, but my body wasn’t. I warned him and told him to please stop before he got sick, while I continued to move with his shameless ruts. As much as I wanted to stop myself, I couldn’t. This was insane. It had been over two years since I last had sex, and I guess my body knew that was the case. It felt too good to stop.

Luckily my words sobered him up enough to remember that he also was an adult. A rumble that sounded disappointed ran throughout his body and I mirrored it back with my face. He removed himself from between my legs and lied down next to me as a big breath escaped from his lungs. I took a couple of deep breaths myself to calm down before I looked at him.

“Did Mordin say how long it would take before it’s done?” I asked again, even if I remembered what he told me yesterday.

“He’s not sure. I have another session tomorrow, and he thinks he will have a better time estimate then.” He answered.

So disappointed and working so hard to calm himself down, but still answered me like he hadn’t told me yesterday. I knew the feeling all too well. I took his hand in mine and gave it a soft kiss.

“We’ll wait however long it’s gonna take. It’ll be worth it. Do you want to sleep here tonight?” I asked in a casual tone.

He thought about it for a few seconds. “I think I should go down.”

I had asked if he wanted to sleep next to me for a few nights now, and he always declined. I knew it wasn’t my bed – I made sure that was the case when we went to Illium. There was a reason for him declining, but I still felt so disappointed whenever he said no. We had shared a bed as friends before. What was so different this time? Like I always did, I hid my disappointment from him and gave him a smile.

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I answered before I gave him a kiss and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I walked out to see him already gone. He’d taken the food-tray with him though, and that was nice. However disappointed I was by him not being here, I comforted myself with the knowledge that he’d soon want to lie next to me all the time. Hopefully. Unless he actually continued to decline. No, that was stupid thing to think.

I turned the movie off and got the lights before I got comfortable under the covers. This whole room smelled like him now. Earthy, safe, calm – my favorite scent in the universe. And as I took a couple of deep breaths, I found my own hands not able to keep still at all.

Expertly trained fingers made their way down on the inside of my shorts and over to my clit as images of Garrus’ tongue on my body grazed my mind. His strong, big and rough hands roaming all over my body. Talking to me in that low and husky voice. It took no more than a minute for me to reach the peak I desperately needed. Unceremonious stress release, but after that, I finally managed to fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Justicar Samara

- Biotics strength near that of an asari matriarch
- Extensive weapons training

Samara is a justicar, a rare member of an asari monastic group trained in enhanced combat biotics alongside standard weapons. Samara was recently sighted on Illium, outside normal asari space.

There wasn’t that much information about what Samara actually was, other than the fact that she was a strong biotic and a badass with her weapons. What exactly a justicar was, wasn’t explained to me before we met her. What she told me herself when we first met her, was that she adhered by a certain code, and she did so without straying away from it. She was – and I said this with the utmost respect – something extremely asari.

She was an older woman. Experienced. There was something regal about her and her clothing certainly matched the way she looked. She wore a red bodysuit with gold details on it. Light armor, which was normal with biotics. On her head was what I would call a resemblance of a crown in the same red color and around her neck was a necklace in gold.

The bodysuit she wore was open in the front. A deep V-shaped plunging neckline and I had to admit that it was difficult not to stare. Lorik Qui’in’s comment about tongues wagging entered my mind and that made me struggle to not either chuckle or stare even more.

Her skin tone was blue, but more towards a grey hue. She actually seemed to have freckles, just like Liara had. Big, intense, and light blue – almost grey eyes made sure to captivate anyone who looked at her. This woman was incredibly attractive, there was no denying that. Her whole being commanded respect and her aura oozed confidence.

She agreed to join our cause, but she couldn’t leave until she got a hold of a name of a ship. This ship contained a fugitive she was hunting down. This was also attached to her personal code in some way. Problem was that she had been taken into custody by the law enforcement on Illium, and she made it clear that she wouldn’t be held for more than a day. After that, she would leave and kill anyone who tried to stop her from doing so. Nothing personal, just adhering to her code.

And the law enforcement knew, understood, and respected that. They had this weird sense of deep respect and deep fear of her, while they also welcomed her and made it clear that they didn’t want her there. This confused me, but I guess she was above the law.

So Garrus, Miranda and I were left to go take care of it. It just so happened that a murder of a volus had taken place that was unsolved. The Eclipse – big surprise again – were also here. We actually did end up solving the murder. We met an Eclipse asari who said she was just new and hadn’t done anything wrong. Then she pointed a gun to us after saying that. Not taking chances, we killed her. The fuck was that, right? Turned out she was the one who killed the volus that had died. Her taped confession said so.

Right before the last area we went into, we met a volus who was high. High as a kite, mind you. He had been injected with red sand. Biotics danced along his skin as he suddenly thought he was a god. He wanted to take down the leader that was in the next room. Since the poor fool would die doing that, I very literally pushed that thought out of him right away. Luckily he did end up taking a nap.

What happened inside that final room was interesting. We had red sand hurled at us. Red sand could enhance any biotic powers, but it was deadly in big doses. Plus it was a drug. Of course I got caught in a cloud that was hurled at me – that was just my luck. I crossed my fingers and hoped that this meant my extra bits would burn my drug-induced haze off quickly.

What this red sand also apparently did, was suddenly give me a biotic aura. That was unexpected, but I guessed that meant that red sand also made it possible to get biotic powers while the effects were active. I chuckled when I saw that. My aura was a blue with lilac undertones to it. Beautiful to look at. Didn’t know how I would do anything useful with it, though.

I showed Garrus, and he looked at me like he didn’t expect that at all. Found it funny, and he told me to try out some things while watching with a keen interest only a best friend would have. Sure, being a biotic for five minutes meant that I definitely would try something, but I had no idea how to do that. But I thought about the gestures I had seen Kaidan, Miranda and Liara do, and decided to copy them.

Chaos ensued as I did, and I loved every single second of it.

I pushed my hand sharply out from myself, and about a hundred crates got thrown away from me and buried mercs underneath them. I focused on one of the mercs and lifted my hand up and she got lifted in the air. I slammed my hand down sharply, and she turned into mush on the floor.

Being high – I could feel I very much was – made me double over in laughter as it happened. I think I peed a little, too. That’s how funny that was to me. Miranda and Garrus had to finish the fight for me just because I couldn’t calm down. Luckily they did while I found out I was right. My high calmed down rather quickly and I stayed away from the fight as it did. We got the name of the ship, we told the officer on Illium what happened, and Samara joined our cause.

We sat in the shuttle and I found myself ready to talk to her. She sat opposite to me while I asked her curious questions about what she actually was. Turned out that being a justicar reminded me a lot of being a templar or a knight-errant. I even told her about that and that earned me an impressed look back. She said that was as close as I could get to what her being a justicar meant. After that, I didn’t know what to talk about. So I got awkward.

“So. Uhm. How are you?” I asked somewhat sheepishly and that made Garrus chuckle.

“I’ve spent much of the last 400 years on my own; it is nice to have a colleague to chat with. I may be rusty at it, however. If you are patient, I would love to talk.” Samara answered with a smile.

“Can you tell me more about the criminal you were chasing on Nos Astra?” I asked curiously.

She paused for a second and it told me right away that this was off-limits. Her face changed to a sad expression just for that very same second, before she answered me.

“I hope you will understand if I wish to avoid this topic. It is deeply tied to my code and beliefs. You might say it is personal.” She answered.

“It’s okay, Samara. I’m sorry for asking, but will it impact the mission?” I asked carefully.

“It will not.” She answered stoically, and I let it go after that.

“How much do you know about our mission?” I asked.

“I know that I’ve sworn an oath to follow you, and that you seek to destroy the Collectors. That is enough for me.” She answered stoically.

“You don’t want to know why the Collectors need to be fought?” I asked curiously.

“When you live by a code that compels you to harsh action, you learn the dangers of curiosity. If I must kill a man because he has done wrong, do I really wish to know that he is a devoted father?” Samara asked back.

Wow. That hit home a lot more than I expected it to. I nodded back at her in understanding with a knowing hum accompanying it. I understood what she meant all too well.

“What do you think of Cerberus?” I asked, not even caring that Miranda was sitting next to her.

“I’ve heard rumors but learned long ago to form my own impressions. There is too much room for interpretation in the opinions of others.” She answered with a shrug.

“Why were you willing to work for Cerberus when you didn’t have first-hand knowledge?” I asked curiously back.

“I work for you, Shepard. Our methods may be different, but our goals are not.” She answered with a loving smile at me.

“Well, in any case, I’m happy to have you on our team, Samara.” I told her with a warm smile.

“I am honored to follow you, Shepard.” She said and bowed a little.

She was so regal and respectful, and I was so shocked to find out that she was as cool as she was. I felt like I was speaking with royalty, and yet she was so incredibly approachable. I liked her a lot, and so I wanted to tell her about what happened in the mission. Being a biotic for five minutes was incredibly fun, especially with the amount of chaos that ensued.

“Thank you. I have to admit that this mission was a fun one. They kept throwing red sand at us. I didn’t know red sand would actually give me biotic powers, but it did.” I told her eagerly.

“It will not. It only enhances your biotic powers within you.” Samara countered.

I furrowed my brows together. That didn’t make sense to me at all. How could it do that? I wasn’t a biotic. I was a regular soldier who liked tech abilities. She had to be wrong, and yet she answered me so very confidently. Not keen on being outright rude, I decided to tell her that she was wrong a little more gently.

“No, that can’t be right. I’m not a biotic. Not that I would know what it feels like, but I’ve never felt any biotic powers within me before.” I told her.

“Let us do a test, then. Close your eyes and relax.” She simply said.

Before I could argue with her, she took my hands in hers and closed her eyes. I decided to follow her lead, if only to amuse her, but also because I wanted to be respectful. She started to meditate, and I did the same, not wanting to be rude.

“Imagine energy coursing through your body until you feel a small tingle within you. Let it fill you up. When you’re ready, push the energy slightly out from yourself. Imagine it enveloping you and keeping you safe.” She said calmly.

Her calm words had a sort of hypnotizing effect on me. I felt so calm and in touch with myself. I did what I was told, and what she said happened. A tingling soon went throughout my whole body. It felt electric or static, yet pleasant, like how it felt when oxytocin got released after kissing Garrus.

After a few seconds I imagined it being pushed out from the center of my body and enveloping around me to keep me safe. The tingling changed from being inside me, to dancing teasingly over my skin, just like how it felt when Garrus ran his talons over my skin.

“Spirits, what in the world?” Garrus said in genuine surprise.

His words broke my concentration and I opened my eyes right away. If he was surprised, then I wasn’t sure what I was. Shocked? Mind-blown? The same kind of gorgeous blueish-lilac aura enveloped me. My breathing quickened in shock and amazement, and the aura died as soon as my concentration broke.

“What the hell?” I silently stated out loud, before my eyes went straight over to Miranda.

I hadn’t lied when I said that I’d never felt biotic powers before. I had experienced a lot of extreme emotions, but never once had anything telepathic happened to me. Had Cerberus done something to me to make that happen? Miranda had no answers. She looked at me in equal surprise and didn’t know what to say. If she didn’t know, then how the fuck was this possible?

“Is this from some kind of meddling you did with her?” Garrus demanded from her.

Miranda was stunned and struggled to answer. She shook her head, before she was able to clear her throat and answer us both seriously.

“Not intentionally. But she was exposed to element zero while reviving her. Her cells were reconstructed during her revival. This would be the only explanation that makes sense.” She answered as calmly as she could.

“But that’s impossible…” Garrus answered in shock before Samara chimed in.

“It is surprising, but not impossible. Miranda’s explanation makes sense.” Samara said while looking at Garrus.

I couldn’t say anything. I was still shocked by what had just happened. Biotic. How? Well, I just got the explanation, but my brain couldn’t properly understand it yet. Samara saw I was deep in thought and squeezed my hand lovingly. I looked at her after that.

“Shepard, I can see that this has surprised you. Please join me in meditation whenever you want. I will help you develop and control your biotic abilities with you.” She said with an assuring smile.

I nodded gratefully, but didn’t know what to say after that. We all sat in silence and I fumbled my hands as the shock of this discovery made me struggle to calm down. This shouldn’t have been possible. Biotics were born from exposure to element zero during development in the womb. I hadn’t been born at all; I’d been revived. Though Miranda gave a very believable explanation to how this was possible, I still struggled to believe it.

As soon as the shuttle landed, I took a deep breath and decided I could think about this later. I went inside the Normandy with Samara, and took her to the comm room on the second floor. Jacob, of course, was already there to welcome her. I crossed my fingers for no awkward situations today. Felt a little more calm after a few deeper breaths, and after he shook Samara’s hand firmly.

“Welcome to the Normandy, Samara. We’ve studied your profile extensively. With your skills, I think you’ll be an excellent addition to our team.” He politely said.

“Thank you. From an organization such as yours, that is high praise indeed.” Samara answered somewhat sarcastically, and I struggled not to chuckle as she did.

“I’ve seen her biotic powers at work. She’s truly amazing.” I shot in honestly to Jacob.

“We still don’t know what we’re going to find when we hit the Collectors.” He answered.

I got what he was saying. The Collectors were strong and there were more ways than one that this mission could get fucked up. I got that. But why couldn’t he just agree or be in awe at how good people were without pointing out the obvious negative we all already knew about? This was our final squad mate and I felt relieved that was the case. No more awkward meet and greets. I tried to suppress my eyes rolling at his statement but struggled to do it properly. Samara noticed my reaction and gave me a knowing smile.

“I will be prepared for whatever we encounter.” She assured him confidently.

“Where shall we put you?” Jacob asked.

“A room that looks out on the great empty void would be most comforting.” She answered.

“Starboard observation deck. Third floor. You’ll feel right at home there, Samara.” I said with a warm smile and she bowed ever so slightly in return.

“Thank you. I must meditate on the day’s events. You are welcome to join me whenever you want, Shepard.” She reminded, before she went down to the starboard observation deck.

Jacob saluted me before he also went out of the comm room. I stood there alone for a second and thought about the new information I’d received about myself. I still struggled to believe it properly. It felt weird to know that I had a power within me that I never knew about, and that never showed itself after revival. And yet a single and simple meditation drew the power out of me.

I sighed and took the elevator up to clean my weapons and armor. I hopped in the shower and showered myself well. Maybe Garrus would want to have another make out-session with me later. I smiled at the thought. Last night had been extremely hot. We needed to be careful, though. His gene therapy still wasn’t done and I didn’t want us risking him becoming sick from us not being able to keep our hands to ourselves like a couple of horny teenagers.

It still didn’t stop me from sugar scrubbing myself with the vanilla one he loved so much, though.

After my shower I put on some underwear, a pair of sweats and my N7 tank top and went straight down to Samara. Impatient as ever, I needed to talk to her and figure out how my biotics could benefit me on the battlefield. Getting rid of biotic barriers was the one thing my squad didn’t have good access to, apart from bringing someone who could warp. Using warp ammo was a solution, but having some sort of biotic power that could counter it better would be a lot easier and better for us all. Like warp or reave.

As I opened the doors to the starboard deck, I was surprised to see that Garrus was already in a conversation with her. He looked at me warily as I entered the room.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb your conversation.” I apologized.

“It is alright, Shepard. This topic does involve you too. Come in.” Samara answered.

Really? I walked into the room and closed the door behind us. I was curious, but the fact that Garrus looked a little wary and worried made a heavy feeling form in my stomach. It suddenly crossed my mind that turians weren’t too trusting of biotics. Shit. Was this the end of our adventure together? The one that hadn’t started yet? Did he not like me anymore because of that?

“How so?” I asked nervously.

“Garrus came to talk to me, and he confirmed it when I guessed correctly that the two of you were currently courting. Is that right?” She asked me.

“Yes.” I answered carefully.

“Do not be so nervous, Shepard. You having biotic abilities is good news for the both of you. If you decide to take that step, then it will make you able to bond properly with him.” She explained with a smile.

I’d already discovered that I was a biotic and now she was telling me about bonding. The term ‘bond mate’ was something I had heard before, but I actually had no idea what it meant in practice. It made me think about marriage, or that it was close to being married. My brain was just so overloaded with information at this point that I didn’t understand what she meant.

“I’m sorry, but what-” I started asking but was cut off by Garrus.

“We can talk about that later. In private.” He answered quickly.

All right. I nodded confused, but he just passed me and exited the room quickly. He looked to be deep in thought about this and I couldn’t wait to hear more about this now. At least it didn’t seem like he found me untrusting because of my biotic abilities. That was the most important thing. I guess I could be wrong, of course. He hadn’t told me what was up yet.

Yes, I realized myself that I was being overly negative. Old habit and all that.

I took a deep breath and offered up a smile to Samara. “First of all, thank you for wanting to help me develop my biotics. Do you have some time now to get started and to maybe tell me how to work on it on my own?”

“Of course. Sit down with me.” Samara answered with a warm smile.

We sat on the floor. I decided to just do what she was doing. She went cross-legged and so I did the same after watching her. She noticed me copying her, but didn’t seem to mind that at all.

“Since your aura got broken so easily, I think we should start with you maintaining it for as long as you can first. Then we’ll add pressure and stress, to make sure you can activate and cut off your biotics no matter what. When you have good control with that, we can look at how you can shape your biotics to serve you in battle.” She offered up to me.

“Yes, I agree. That sounds like a solid plan.” I answered with a smile.

I stayed with Samara for what turned out to be a couple of hours. Holding an aura was the first thing to do. It actually surprised me to find out how natural and easy it felt. It was a different thing to pull out from within me, but at the same time it felt so natural once I knew what to get a hold of to make it happen. I quickly worked my way up to holding it for a long time without any issues.

This was developing well, and Samara seemed pleased by my progress. After some time, she started to add pressure and stress on purpose. Slowly, at first. That was a lot harder, because I had to have two thoughts in my head at the same time. Since this was so new to me, my concentration and aura broke and disappeared easily. It frustrated me a lot. After a few tries, I did manage to hold it once or twice for a short amount of time under stress.

“I think that is enough for now, Shepard. You did very well. You should eat an extra-large portion of food, as you will be very hungry, and get a good night’s rest. I understand we have a couple of days off. You are welcome to come back tomorrow for another session.” Samara said lovingly to me.

“Thank you, Samara. I really appreciate you helping me. Is this something I can work on by myself?” I asked.

“Still your impatience, Shepard. For now, I would wait. I will let you know when you can.” She answered with a loving smile.

I blushed and smiled at the remark, knowing very well by now that I indeed was an impatient one. “Alright. Thank you again. I’ll come back tomorrow for another session.”

Samara didn’t lie when she told me that I would be hungry. I hadn’t felt this hungry in a long time and so I walked straight over to the kitchen. Garrus was there cooking food for the both of us, I realized with a smile on my face. With no time to wait for it to be ready, I had to eat a power-bar right away. It disappeared in seconds. It was like I hadn’t had food before at all.

What was interesting, was that Garrus hadn’t noticed me standing close to me. It took a couple of seconds, but as he saw me, he actually jumped. Damn. He was deep in thought.

“Oh! Sorry. I made us dinner. Can I join you upstairs to eat?” He asked after a couple of seconds.

Making me dinner for the second day in a row? Yeah, I had nothing against that at all. It looked to be something meat-based. Protein-heavy. I needed that, because while that power-bar had quelled some of the hunger, I was very much still hungry. Ravenous.

“Yeah, of course. You’re welcome to join me every day for dinner, if you want to.” I answered with a smile.

He smiled, plated the food and we went to my loft together. The elevator ride was silent, just because something was on his mind. He was silent for a long time, too, even when we sat down to eat. The thought of him not trusting me anymore entered my mind again. I knew I was being overly negative, but the thought of him calling this off scared me a lot. I had strong feelings for this man already and they were probably a lot stronger than his were for me. I realized that.

“How did your session go?” He asked curiously as we were eating.

“Samara said I did well. I can hold an aura for a long time, and I managed to hold it a couple of times under stress, even. It just somehow feels natural. I’m having another session with her tomorrow.” I answered as casually as I could.

“Sounds like you’ll develop your powers quickly.” He noted and kept on eating.

I couldn’t hold it back anymore, but decided to skirt around as much as I could. “Asari have biotic powers naturally and some krogan do as well, like dear uncle Wrex. Do turians develop biotics? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a turian use biotics, except for Saren.”

“Yeah, it happens but it’s extremely rare. They usually serve with the Cabals in the military as covert agents.” He answered.

“Interesting. The common turian aren’t too trusting of them, from what I remember.” I casually noted and watched him carefully.

“That’s right. The common soldier respects and admires biotics themselves, but they aren’t trusting of them. It’s because the Cabals are usually used in infiltration missions where they pose as regular soldiers. They are also commonly used as assassins. It’s a historical mistrust. A kind of ‘what are your real intentions’ kind of deal.” He elaborated.

And I ticked two more boxes with that. I worked as an infiltrator and I was even an assassin. I even went undercover in some missions where my real intentions were hidden. This didn’t feel good, but I had to let him know that I wasn’t like that anymore.

“I can understand that. Well, I can assure you that I won’t suddenly assassinate anyone with my biotics.” I somewhat nervously said.

He furrowed his brow plates together in confusion at what I just said. Then he looked at me confused, before he managed to put two and two together with a chuckle and a smile.

“I see what this is about now. Mika, I don’t care that you’re suddenly a biotic. I’m surprised by it, but so were you. That’s all it was. Surprising. I promise you that.” He assured me.

I smiled sheepishly and nodded. Of course he was just surprised by it happening. He was right, I had been, too. A chuckle even escaped me for being so incredibly nervous by something that turned out to be completely harmless. I finished my meal – it was delicious, as always – and ended up cross-legged on my couch after thanking him for the food.

I started remembering what Samara had said about bonding. How worried Garrus had looked and how deep he’d been in thought he’d been after made me curious about what the deal was with bonding. It was something important – I gathered that. He did say that he would talk about it with me in private later. Later was now and we were the only ones in here. Since he apparently didn’t care about me being a biotic, I decided to ask about bonding now.

“You acted a little strange when Samara mentioned bonding. Why?” I asked curiously.

He looked away from me for a second while his mandibles clicked thoughtfully, not sure about how to answer. Aha. That’s what had been on his mind, not the fact that I was suddenly a biotic. It certainly was tied to me being a biotic, but it was apparently all about the bonding. He thought for a couple of seconds before he looked back at me.

“Do you know what a bond mark is?” He asked.

“No, I don’t. Does it have something to do with a lover’s mark?” I answered.

“Yes and no. It’s a bite mark. It one that never fades, so it’s a permanent scar. It would be close to what marriage is in human culture, but it’s not legally binding like marriage is. It’s a very turian thing to do.” He explained.

“But it’s not just a bite mark, is it? Because that would mean I could have done it without being a biotic. Tell me more.” I said.

I put my legs up on the couch and turned towards him to give him my full attention. This was indeed interesting. Something new that I didn’t know about, and I was getting it directly from the source. Garrus seemed a little apprehensive, but still talked about it with me.

“That’s not what Samara said. She said that you would be able to bond properly with me.” He started explaining.

“So bonding and a bond mark isn’t the same thing?” I double-checked and he shook his head.

“It’s not the same thing. A bond mark is there to tell everyone that you’re bonded to someone for life. Bonding is the process you go through to get to that point. I tried to get dad to explain the feelings he felt once. He wouldn’t say anything more than the experience being incredible and worth the pain.” He explained.

I was expecting a proper explanation of what it was, but it turned out to be nothing at all, just that bonding and a bond mark were two different things. One thing did catch my attention and that was why I – as a biotic – would be able to bond properly with him. How? Turians generally weren’t biotics. He just told me that himself.

“I need more information. Since I’m suddenly a biotic, I can bond properly with you. But you just told me that biotic powers are extremely rare in turians.” I asked curiously.

“Both statements are still true. Turian biotics are super-rare. I’m not completely sure what Samara meant with regards to you being able to bond properly with me, but I think she’s referring to how asari in general are able to do it. I’ve noticed that you’re more in tune with my sub-vocal chords and my emotions. You know, the kind of ‘silent’ communication we do with our sub-vocal chords with each other? You have an advantage there and you seem to… understand it?” He answered, even throwing in the air quotes for my sake.

He wasn’t wrong. That I seemed to be in tune with his emotions and him with mine was something I had noticed on multiple occasions. Before I suddenly became a biotic, I attributed it to me just being into music and that I had spent a lot of time with turians. I had learned and heard the differences to the notes. If I thought back, I would say that Garrus was the turian I had the deepest connection with, period. It was like I fully understood him and he did with me. If biotics had anything to do with that, then it sounded like I just had an advantage.

“Huh. I didn’t know that. How would us bond work in practice?” I answered as I thought about it.

“It just… well, it just happens. It’s a feeling that develops.” He answered honestly.

“I understand why you looked so weird at her mentioning it now, though.” I said with a smile.

It would almost be the same as someone saying that we could get married when we were only getting to know each other. I guess Garrus and I already knew each other well enough at this point, though. But we had just initiated a romantic relationship to see if we would match on that kind of level, too. Something told me we didn’t have to worry in that department either, but we still would need to see how it would go.

“How did your session with Mordin go today?” I asked curiously as I remembered.

Me changing the topic seemed to surprise him a little as he gave me a weird look back. Wasn’t he done talking about bonding? There seemed to be a lot of missing information here that he would need to research and that I had to research. I thought it was done for now.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want to talk more about bonding?” I asked.

“No, it’s fine. We can talk about it later.” He answered through a chuckle, and I immediately knew he lied.

“Uh-huh. You sure? Listen, Garrus. We’ve known each other for a long time now so I know when something’s up. Besides, turians are bad liars. We haven’t really started-” I started saying and was cut off.

“Yeah. Sorry. Samara just caught me off guard with it. That’s all.” He answered before he gave me a turian kiss.

I smiled as the warmth spread throughout my body and calmed me down. Turian kisses really were the best. I tilted my head and gave him a kiss and then I reconnected our foreheads.

“No problem. So, how did the session go?” I asked again.

“It was good. He thinks it’s gonna take two to three weeks.” He answered with a smile.

“Two to three weeks. We have a countdown.” I answered with a smile back.

I broke our connection to drink some water. As I did I rolled my neck. A couple of large pops escaped it and that made me smile in satisfaction. His hands were suddenly on my shoulders as he started to massage them. He must have done some research into how to do it properly, because he used just the right amount of force. It felt great.

Why was I getting this kind of treatment? Yes please, but why? I let out a satisfied groan as tension started being released within me. A couple of deep breaths also escaped me as I calmed right down and enjoyed the treat I was getting. I didn’t really feel any need to stop him, either. He could go for as long as he felt like it, and he didn’t stop until around five minutes passed.

“What did I do to deserve that?” I asked as I leaned back and put my head on his lap while looking up at him.

“Did you like it?” He asked with a smile as he started playing with my hair.

“Yeah, that felt great. Do you like massages?” I asked curiously back, wanting to treat him, too.

“I like it when you massage my neck.” He answered with a sly smile and it made me laugh.

“I know, but that only seems to turn you on.” I noted.

“Nothing wrong with that.” He shot in.

“I agree. But two to three weeks, big guy.” I answered with a wink and it made him groan in frustration.

“Hey, Mika. What exactly is vanilla?” He asked curiously after a few seconds of silence.

“I guess it’s a spice. It’s used for both cooking – well, mostly baking or desserts – and as a scent. Why, do I smell good?” I asked with a sly smile, knowing very well what I’d done.

“Yeah. You smell very good. Does vanilla taste good?” He asked through a smile.

“I think it does, but it’s often considered a bit boring. Calling something vanilla is a term on Earth for saying something is basic or plain. But proper French vanilla ice cream… yeah, that’s the good stuff right there.” I answered with a smile.

I could have gone for some right then and there, but French vanilla ice cream was impossible to get a hold off on Illium. I had checked. Multiple times, even.

“And what are strawberries?” He asked curiously.

Strawberries? I wondered where he’d gotten that from. I didn’t use anything that smelled like strawberries. But as he mentioned it, I realized really wanted some of those, too.

“That’s a type of berry. A kind of fruit, I guess. And now I really want some. Just wait until your gene therapy is done. I’ll hand feed you chocolate covered strawberries. That’s considered very romantic in human culture.” I tempted.

“Really?” He asked curiously.

“Yeah. Champagne, some dark lighting, chocolate covered strawberries… top it off with some French vanilla ice cream, and we have a party going.” I answered slowly and sensually as I got up and straddled him.

His arms quickly wrapped themselves around me and we were soon making out. While it was hot yesterday, I decided to take control today. And I was dead set on taking it slow. I could honestly spend all my time with him between my legs, but since I seemed to be the one with the clearer head, I wanted to make sure we didn’t go so far that he had a reaction.

I broke the kiss, hopped off him and motioned for him to come to my bed. He followed me quickly and was even about to lie me down first. Nah, I was going to be in control today. I stopped him before he could.

“Nope. This time you lie down.” I said with a smile.

He gave me an amused sigh, propped two of my pillows up and half-sat half-laid down on them. I smiled at him before I straddled him again. Now, Garrus was strong. He’d picked me up with ease before and it really seemed like I didn’t weigh anything to him. I still, by default, made sure that I kept some of my weight off him by placing my hands on the bed itself. He noticed me doing it and chuckled slightly.

“You can put your full weight on me, softy. You’re not heavy.” He said as he expertly caught my hands and lifted them up.

In that quick and elegant motion, I lost all bodily control and fell right on top of him. Garrus chuckled as it happened. Didn’t even phase him but that did something to me. Him manipulating my body so effortlessly was so extremely sexy. I felt like a ragdoll in his hands. It turned me on right away and a very silent gasp came from me. Superior turian hearing meant that he noticed and heard it, and offered up a smug smile while tightening his hold on my hands.

“Oh, you liked that, huh?” He asked smugly.

His voice was so deep and husky and so goddamned sexy. It turned me on even more, which he also caught onto right away. If Garrus was one thing, it was observant. It made him a very good sniper. I managed to only nod sheepishly at the question as heat rose to my cheeks.

“You now turian men are the dominant ones in bed, right?” He added smugly while keeping his deep and husky voice.

I wasn’t sure if I caught what he said properly, but hearing him talk in that deep and husky voice was really all that I needed to get even more turned on. I struggled with saying anything as my eyes were getting more and more hazy with lust. I wanted nothing more than to rip my clothes off and have him fuck me right into the next year. Damn it. I was supposed to take it slow and my control was slipping away from me.

“You listening to what I’m saying, Mika?” He asked rhetorically, still as smug as ever.

Not sure how it happened, but I was suddenly on my back with him between my legs. This was what I got for trying to be the adult, huh? Handing over the control was difficult, but the thing was that I actually really wanted to do it. I still took the dominant position in bed – like I was in charge. Having someone try to take that required trust. Did he mean that he liked being in charge like that? I trusted Garrus with my life. Him doing that still felt a little scary, but mostly relieving.

It also turned me on even more.

He brought my hands together and held them in one hand. Easily, too, just because his hands were so big. A secure hold, one I couldn’t escape from, but not so tight that I felt trapped. His free hand travelled down my body, caressing my breasts, trailing over my stomach and resting at the waistband of my sweats. My body did what it could to push into the touch. I desperately wanted his hand on it.

I realized myself that I should have told him to stop, but I couldn’t right now. No, that was wrong. I didn’t want to. I especially didn’t want to when his hand sneaked itself inside my sweats and travelled further and further south. Slowly, too. It felt like he was exploring, trying to find out where that scent that made him shiver came from while watching my reaction intently. He did end up finding it and I bet the sudden gasp I let out also told him that he did.

He wasn’t where I needed him – telling me that like me, he hadn’t read Mordin’s info on human erogenous zones – though he certainly was close enough to feel just how embarrassingly wet I already was. I wasn’t even too sure if he completely realized what that meant, though my sudden gasp had to tell him that he was doing something right.

He felt my sex for a few slow and agonizing seconds before his hand came back out. As soon as it did, a big tremble ran throughout his whole body and he suddenly looked almost drunk from the scent I gave off. That pheromone, man. I didn’t even know humans gave it off. It looked like it was overwhelmingly strong to him, and I hoped it was in a good way.

This teasing was cruel, and I think we both felt it. I longed for his hand to go back down, while simultaneously hoping he would stop before something stupid happened. Should have said something about it, too, but I had succumbed to my bodily needs. Besides, Garrus was caught up in the scent right now. It had to trigger him incredibly hard, because he let go of my hands and almost dived in to make out with me.

Holy shit. I didn’t think I smelled that good to him.

I couldn’t feel where his hands were. One was holding himself up for support, though I had no idea where the other one was as we made out. Seemed like it turned him on, at least, because he was breathing a lot heavier than he did as we begun. He moved to play with my neck again while I had changed to silently moan my encouragement to him as I massaged that sensitive spot on his neck.

His breathing steadily picked up. It became louder and louder, and as he stopped playing with my neck I started to listen more intently to it. Heavy breaths, though they seemed so shallow at the same time. Almost like he was heaving for air. Being turned on was one thing, but this seemed very different. What was going on?

I watched him more closely. And then I got worried as I felt him starting to tremble throughout his whole body. Not like he did when he smelled my horniness in the air. This was so very different. This trembling came from panic. Coupled with the fact that he seemed so still, and I got worried right away.

“Garrus? What’s wrong?” I asked carefully.

He sat more upright and moved his hands to his chest, answering me between heaving breaths. “I… can’t…”

Then he just slumped to his back on my bed and shock almost set in for me. What the fuck was going on? I managed, through some luck, to stay calm as I crawled over to his side and observed what was going on. As I did, a conversation I had with Vito on Palaven entered my mind, and I actually heard his voice as the words repeated themselves in my head.

“When a turian goes into anaphylactic shock, and they feel their chest tightening, they tend to want to push out their chest more to get more space for air. It makes sense, since it feels like their chest is getting compressed. They strain their muscles harder and harder to the point of the keel bone snapping. The keel bone is connected to a lot of different organs and muscles, so that leads to internal bleeding and a quicker death.”

I remembered panicking as he told me that, because Vito had just tasted my shitty oats. I was scared of him going into anaphylaxis. Stupid, because Vito wasn’t allergic, but Garrus was. Looking at Garrus, it was difficult to see what was going on. Why I was still hoping he wasn’t going into anaphylaxis, I didn’t know, because all the boxes seemed to be ticking off for it.

He was gasping aimlessly for air and doing his best to take a breath, yet it wouldn’t happen. He held his chest and it also looked like he was straining a lot. Of course panic had set in, too.

My worst fear was unfolding in front of my eyes, but my feelings weren’t important right now. Action was what was needed now. I roamed his clothes quickly for an EpiPen, but of course he hadn’t brought one. Damn it. Right. Next best thing would be to get a doctor in here as soon as possible. Fighting tears, I called for Mordin.

“EDI, I need you to get Mordin up here right away. I think Garrus is going into anaphylaxis.” I said out loud, panic dripping from my voice.

Doctor Solus is on his way, Mika.

Fuck, what else had Vito said? It was deadly because the keel bone could break and lead to internal bleeding. I had no idea how quickly that would happen, and I wasn’t curious to find out either. But I seemed to remember there was something I could do. It wouldn’t cure him, but it would buy him time before help came. The answer came to me, and it came as if I heard Vito’s voice in my head again.

“But if you somehow managed to get my attention, you would tell me to calm down, relax my body and take deep, but slow, breaths. The complete opposite to what I would be doing and what I would want to do. It wouldn’t save me, but it would buy me time.”

That damned beautiful medic. I had no idea how the answer came to my mind as quickly as it did or why I heard Vito’s voice as it did, but I silently thanked him for offering the solution up to me.

Try to calm Garrus down and have him relax his whole body. That was the way to go. Just shouting at him seemed like the wrong way to go about this. He was already stressed and that would only fuel it further. I needed his attention on me so he could listen to what I said. Taking a chance, I cupped his face and put my own face right up against his.

“Hey. Listen to me.” I calmly said.

He grabbed my hands hard and held on for dear life. He was scared and desperate. While I understood, I thought that was so heartbreaking to watch. Fortunately, he watched me and seemed to listen, still heaving for a breath. I had to fight hard to not break down, but I was determined for him to survive this. So I pulled myself together and kept my cool.

“You’re in anaphylaxis right now. You can’t breathe because of that. But you’re also straining for more air. I need you to stop straining. You need to relax and take slow and deep breaths.” I told him.

He shook his head like he was telling me that he couldn’t do that. Did this mean that another lover would die in my arms? Images of my best friend dying in my arms surfaced and they were horrible to look at. So I wouldn’t accept him not even trying to do this for me. I shook my head back at him.

“I know it’s difficult. Mordin is on his way. I just need you to do what I say so you don’t die. Relax and try to breathe calmly. I’m right here with you. Please, Garrus. Just try.” I assured him, even begging as I said it.

After seeing or maybe hearing the desperation in my voice, he nodded. He tried to relax as good as he could. While he couldn’t really breathe, as he relaxed he was able to take short and shallow breaths. After a couple of tries, he even managed to slow them down. It seemed to calm him down, at least enough for him to feel like he got some air.

“That’s it.” I softly encouraged.

The minute it took for Mordin to enter my room after that felt like an eternity. As soon as I saw him, I moved away to let him work on Garrus.

“Anaphylaxis correctly diagnosed. No sign of broken keel bone. Well done. Medic trained?” He asked me curiously as he scanned Garrus with his omni-tool.

“No. I knew a great medic. He told me about this.” I answered.

“This will hurt.” Mordin announced after nodding.

He took an EpiPen to Garrus’ neck and injected it. A weak, but still very much angry-sounding growl came from him just as it happened. Mordin just looked at him unamused and was seemingly done with him after that.

“Told you it will hurt. Should feel better within the minute.” He assured him.

Knowing he would be fine, I finally broke down and cried. It was from relief, but mostly from guilt. My worst fear had happened. Garrus had almost died from me. This was my fault. I should have been more careful. I should have kept my hands off him before it was safe. But no. Like with Vito, I couldn’t stay away. Now he had almost died right in front of me because I was too caught up in the moment to stop.

“I feel so bad. We’ve kissed before without any issues.” I managed to say.

“Kissing no problem. Garrus has skin allergies.” Mordin informed me.

“But I’ve touched his skin before without any issues.” I said, confused by that being an issue.

“Can touch hide and plates. No allergies there.” He answered me.

“Then what did I do wrong?” I demanded.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, softy.” Garrus said.

I looked over at him. Still flat on his back but breathing normally again, and I crawled over to him right away while probably looking concerned as hell.

“Are you all right?” I asked desperately.

“Thanks to you. I feel like I’ve ran around Palaven a couple of times.” He admitted, and he certainly looked the part, too.

Thanks to Vito, not me. I felt so damned relieved to hear him talking, and it sent a fresh round of tears down my face. Garrus managed to sit up and he looked so incredibly sorry for what had happened. Why? This was because of me and my body, not him.

“Don’t cry, Mika. This wasn’t your fault. I’m the one who got a little too eager.” He tried to assure me.

“Penis very sensitive. No sex until gene therapy is done.” Mordin explained and sternly said.

That only confused me more. We hadn’t gotten that far. Granted, I had no idea what he was doing while he was taking the lead, but I was sure I didn’t feel any cock on me. Had he really been that reckless? Touched himself after touching me?

That only made sense, though. As I thought about it, his cock would be the most sensitive skin on his body. His hide and plates could withstand a lot. That had to be what happened.

“Yeah. Thank you for your help. Goodbye, Mordin.” Garrus said, sounding mostly embarrassed.

Mordin shrugged and left my loft to head back down to his lab. As the doors closed, I couldn’t really stop myself from continuing to cry. Garrus cradled me in his arms and comforted me the best he could.

“Mika, please don’t be sad.” He said.

“That was my worst fear.” I told him.

“I know and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in that position.” He apologized.

I understood that this was an accident myself, but it was still so terrifying. Even if I managed to stay calm and do what Vito had once told me to do, that same kind of panic from when he almost died on Omega came back to me. The last thing I wanted was for him to die.

We managed to save him before it was too late this time. What about the next time? What then? Why didn’t he carry EpiPens with him when he came up here? That felt so irresponsible, but I guess he thought he would be able to stop before it was too late. Now he had proved both of us wrong.

And why did he look at me with such a serious and apologetic look right now? He was going to tell me something, that much was certain. It also looked to be something bad. Fuck, this was it, wasn’t it? This would end before it even started.

“You turn me on, Mika. So much more than you think you do. But for both of our safeties… why are you looking at me like that?”

“Are you regretting this now?” I carefully asked.

“Honestly, woman. You need to let me finish my sentences before you start to assume the worst.” He told me sternly.

“Old habit.” I said while nodding.

He took a deep breath before saying what he wanted to say. “I apparently have a hard time keeping my hands off you. For both of our safeties, I think we should keep the kissing and the touching on the minimum side. I don’t mean that we should stay away from each other. We can still hang out and eat dinner together. Just… keep it more on the friendly side until this gene therapy is done.”

Nothing about that was wrong. This was a suggestion that only made sense. Still I didn’t like hearing it, though I didn’t think he liked suggesting it either. Images of him getting tired of the wait and looking elsewhere came to my mind, and I realized myself that I was being extremely negative as they did. Couldn’t help myself from thinking about it, though.

“I agree.” I said while nodding.

“What are you afraid of?” He asked.

I usually loved the fact that he could read me as well as he could. Though sometimes, like now, I hated it. Now I had to admit that I felt insecure about something. He was such a catch and I had strong feelings for him. I wanted him. He could have anyone he wanted. But he knew something was up and since he also was my best friend, I told him the truth.

“That you’ll change your mind.” I admitted.

He smiled and gave me a turian kiss. “You don’t need to worry about that. I still want you. Will you change your mind, though? You’re the one who has to wait.”

“No. I’ll wait as long as it takes.” I promised him confidently.

Chapter Text

The next two weeks were spent just waiting for squad mates to give me information about what they wanted to finish up before we headed for the derelict Reaper. It wasn’t like I knew everyone had something they wanted to do, but I gathered most of them did from what they already had told me. Miranda had been talking about her father with me, Jack about Cerberus’ files, Mordin telling me what he really had been doing with the genophage – I knew something would pop up eventually.

While we waited, we did some side stuff the Illusive Man had sent some reports for. Some of them were easy enough to do. Search a ship, stuff like that. Others demanded more careful work, like when we boarded a ship with a somewhat rogue VI and ended up shutting down the production line all together. I didn’t periodically check my accounts, but it didn’t escape me that Cerberus paid me per mission. They also paid very well. Mooching as much as I could off them never sounded like a bad idea in my mind.

I spent time gathering resources, too. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on how to better the Normandy, and I welcomed them all. While Garrus’, Tali’s and Jacob’s upgrades had been crucial, upgrading the fuel tank and the amount of probes we could carry were also good upgrades in my book.

Mordin added the two missing skin weaves for me. I now had five and wouldn’t need to worry about any damage from Garrus. While they certainly would serve me well in battle, I was mostly excited about being able to have sex without any injuries. My skin felt a little different, though. Harder, in a sense, though still soft to the touch. As long as Garrus didn’t mind, then I didn’t either.

Regarding my biotics, I often spent time with Samara to work with her. While it was fun to discover that I had a new power within me that I could use, I had a weird sort of connection to it. I was so used to how I worked that I necessarily didn’t think I would be using biotics that much. Didn’t mean I didn’t want control over it. It just meant that I most likely wouldn’t rely on it too much in battle.

What I was told was that I could add an implant to made them stronger, though everyone was unsure of just how effective it would be. It was commonly recommended that biotic implants should be added during puberty, and I was a lot older than that. We, meaning Mordin, discovered that the cybernetic implants within me sort of acted as an amp for them. While they did something to make them stronger, I wouldn’t be as strong as others without an implant.

A fair comparison would be that I would never be as strong as Liara or Samara. No human would. Not even as strong as Kaidan, either, or not as strong as most L3 biotics that were serious about this. I could be comparable to a biotic turian, though. Those that served with the Cabals weren’t necessarily very strong biotics, but they were strong enough for it to matter. Since that was the case, I decided to not add any implant. It sounded like it would be strong enough for me like it was right now.

That’s why I settled for working my way up to learning how to warp or reave. Samara told me that those kinds of augments still required full control over my biotics, and so I worked a lot with her. It was tiring and always managed to make me ravenous after doing it, but I could live with that. I liked to eat. Apparently it required a lot of energy to manipulate mass effect fields. I wasn’t there yet by this time, though I was assured that I was doing great all the time.

Felt like N7 training all over again. Doing good, but didn’t know exactly where I was.

And then there was Garrus. After he almost died on my bed and we agreed to reel things back until his gene therapy was done, we had done just that. We still spent time together and ate dinner every day, though we did keep it more on the friendly side. Didn’t mean that we didn’t kiss or cuddle – we certainly did – but we didn’t go past that at all. That would put things into a dangerous place. It wasn’t what any of us wanted, but I had to admit that it still was nice and it was certainly what we needed.

We were still a little unsure of when he would be done with his gene therapy. Two weeks had gone by and he said Mordin thought it would be done in a little over one more week. It really seemed like the sessions themselves determined it. That felt assuring to hear. While what we were doing was nice and relaxed, I think we both were ready for this waiting to end.

What he did start doing, was bring an EpiPen with him whenever we hung out. I knew he only did it to calm me down, just because we weren’t doing anything that could kill him these days. But I could live with that, because it certainly did calm me down. It made me feel a lot safer, just because I had panicked from him almost dying in front of me. Again.

Another thing that was fun, was that I actually now was speaking his language back to him. I had to be doing a good job of it, just because he understood me. The first time he turned off his translator was fun, at least for him. I remember he looked at me intrigued while I was talking to him, and then suddenly he just said, ‘Is that really what you really sound like?’ I tried giving him pleading looks to get him to turn it back on, but he wouldn’t budge.

And so I had to start to talk in turian. Felt so embarrassed by it at first, just because I was scared of messing up. But Garrus never once laughed or made fun of me, even when I did. He corrected me if I said something wrong. I wanted to learn, so I welcomed those corrections. And wouldn’t you know: Learning like this turned out to be way more efficient, and I had to admit that it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be at all.

It didn’t take long before I felt comfortable and would even laugh at myself if I messed up. That’s also when the learning part of it shot through the roof. I was nowhere near being fluent, but I was at a level where I understood everything said to me and could hold a conversation on my own with no issues at all. I was told my pronunciation was eerily close to sounding like a native. The little perfectionist in me got very proud when she heard that.

But right now Miranda had called me down to talk to her in her office. I gathered that meant another thing she wanted to ask me about, or, more hopefully, this would be a personal quest she wanted to deal with. So I headed into her office and sat down at the chair opposite to her office.

“Hey, Miranda. You wanted to talk to me?” I asked.

She looked at me and nodded. The Miranda I always saw was sure of herself, a little arrogant, pleasant to be around – I had started to like her at this point – but right now, she was nervous and worried. This felt like something personal. Something that had to do with her dad, I gathered.

“Shepard, I find myself in the unpleasant position of asking for your help. I don’t like discussing personal matters… but this is important.” She told me uncomfortably.

I narrowed my eyes at her in concern. “Of course. What’s going on?”

She took a deep breath and ended up pacing around her office as she spoke. “My father was extremely wealthy. He wanted the ideal daughter, and he paid a great deal to genetically tailor me. When I learned that my father was more interested in controlling a dynasty than raising a daughter, I left. He was less than pleased. Several of his security guards were injured in the process. He knows not to come after me. But this isn’t about me…”

She was recapping what she already had told me about her father at this point. While I remembered what she had said, the recap felt nice. As it built into the last sentence, I got extremely curious.

“I have a sister. A twin. And he’s still hunting her. Cerberus has kept her safe. Until now. She’s living a normal life on Illium, safe and hidden from my father.” She finished as worry started to lace her face again.

Okay. Miranda had a sister. Sounded like she also had been genetically tailored like Miranda had been. Didn’t matter to me if she was. The problem was that she was skirting around what she wanted me to help her with. It could have just been from her being worried, but I needed to know what she wanted form me if she needed my help.

“Okay. But what’s going on?” I asked.

“My father’s agents have been searching for my sister for years. I believe they’ve tracked her to Illium. I’ve tried to keep her hidden without impacting her life, but I’m out of options. He’s too close. I need to relocate my sister’s family before it’s too late.” She explained.

“Do you know anything about your sister? It sounds like you’re not very close.” I asked softly.

“She’s my genetic twin. We’re identical. But she deserves a normal life. And she’s going to get it, no matter what.” She fiercely replied.

“Does your sister’s family know about this? Are they okay with being relocated?” I asked.

“They know nothing. They’re completely uninvolved. Normal. I told Cerberus, and they’re coming up with a positive reason to move the family.” She answered.

She was protecting her from her father, that much I understood. It was also obvious that she cared a lot for her sister. What I found weird, was how she had worded herself. Genetic twin. They were identical. Yeah, twins usually were, but why point it out? Maybe it was just her saying it weird.

And why didn’t they seem to have a relationship? Why did Miranda stay away from her? That sentence about blood being thicker than water came back into my mind. While I often found that idiotic, it was so incredibly true in this case. Miranda seemed willing to do anything to keep her sister – someone she didn’t really know – safe from her psychotic father.

Their relationship wasn’t my business. If they were happy with how it was, then it really didn’t have to matter to me. I would help her if she needed it.

“I’ll help you. What do you need me to do?” I asked confidently.

“My father is extremely persistent. I’d like to go to Illium when Cerberus is moving the family to make sure none of his agents get too close. My contact’s name is Lanteia. She’ll be waiting for us in the lounge near the Nos Astra docking bay.” She told me.

“Okay. Joker, set the course for Nos Astra.” I said out loud.

“We’ll be there tomorrow midday.” He told me.

“Thank you, Shepard.” She thanked me.

“No problem, Miranda.” I said with a smile on my face.

It was fairly late in the afternoon, though not time for bed yet. Garrus and I had already had our dinner, this time in the mess hall. He was nowhere to be found right now, though I guess I didn’t have to spend every single second with him. He was free to do his own thing and hangout with the people he wanted to that weren’t me.

The first thing I did was head down to Tali. We worked some more on engineering while we just talked and laughed between us. She knew things had solved themselves between Garrus and I, and she was very happy to hear about it when I told her. After some time we started to play cards with Kenneth and Gabriella joining in. I taught them Reverse Casino and we played for a while together.

I decided to go upstairs and detail this mission some more, writing down what we knew about the Collectors, what we had done up until this point – stuff like that. The thing was that Garrus already was here and he was apparently waiting for me to come up to him. I smiled as I saw him there and turned off my translator before I talked to him.

“Hi.” I greeted.

“Hey.” He greeted back.

He wouldn’t meet my eyes directly and went straight over to the couch looking deep in thought. Something was wrong, that much was clear. Still I asked as if I already didn’t know that was the case.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

I got no answer, so I followed him and walked down the steps until I was right by him. He was deep in thought, all right. Not only that, but he also looked like he was nervous about something that was either going to happen or that had happened. On the table were two tubs of something I didn’t recognize.

Now, I had calmed down my own insecurities about him wanting to call this off since I told him about it. Rationalization told me that he had been wanting this for as long as me, and the extra wait it took for it to be safe was something both him and I could survive. If we could wait two years, then we could wait a couple of extra weeks. I knew that wasn’t the issue.

But something was wrong and he felt comfortable enough to tell me about it. That meant a lot to me. Emotional support was what he seemed to be here for. It wasn’t often he came to me for it, but I had often come to him for it. I liked that he felt comfortable with me to want it from me, so I sat down beside him and took his hand in mine supportively.

“Garrus, what is it? You look nervous as hell.” I asked more softly.

“Mordin told me that it’s time to take my compress off inside the ship. I’ll have to wear it if we go planet-side, but I’ll have to take it off inside the ship now. My hide and plates need to breathe. He also said I can take care of it myself now. No need to go see him anymore.” He told me nervously.

“Okay. That’s good. Sounds like it’s healing well. Why are you nervous about that?” I asked a little confused.

“It doesn’t look good, Mika.” He answered and looked at me.

It doesn’t look good? I looked at him curiously for that. Was he really that apprehensive about my reaction to his burn scar? If that was the case, then it stung a little to hear that he thought I would be that shallow. I kept those thoughts to myself, though. He wanted assurance, not me lecturing him on how to feel.

“What exactly are you nervous about, Garrus?” I wondered.

No answer, which only told me that he either felt like it was embarrassing or he really was apprehensive about my reaction. As more and more time passed, I decided to put him a little on the spot. Tease him a little. There seemed to be some conflicting thoughts around this, and he needed to talk for me to fully understand.

“Do you honestly think I’ll care about a burn? If that’s the case, then should I be worried about my glowing scars?” I wondered.

“What? No, that’s stupid. I don’t care about your scars, glowing or otherwise.” He said sternly.

“Made you talk, though.” I said with a smile, and he sighed as I did.

“It’s a permanent reminder of my biggest failure. I have to stare at it whenever I see myself in a mirror and I’ve been avoiding those lately. It’s difficult. And while I don’t consider myself vain, I want to look my best for you.” He explained.

Now I wished Kelly wasn’t a spy for the Illusive Man. If she wasn’t, then I would consider asking her to talk to him about it – with his consent, of course. I understood what he meant, just because my scar from Palaven always reminded me of what happened there. Those glowing scars from Cerberus were a constant reminder of the fact that I was unnatural.

But I wasn’t a psychologist and this was complicated. I didn’t know how to handle this properly. But the thing was that I had gotten an e-mail from Karin, telling me about a way for my Cerberus scars to be permanently removed. I hadn’t done anything to get a hold of it yet, because I didn’t want the feelings I had surrounding them to bother me. But I had the solution for it if he wanted that. I decided to mention it to him.

“I don’t care about your scar, big guy. You’re still the hottest man I know. I do understand what you said regarding the reminder, though. Karin did tell me that she can get a hold of some way to get rid of scars permanently. If that’s something you want, then I won’t judge.” I offered up.

“The thing is that I don’t want to care about it.” He explained and that made sense to me.

“Then how about we look at it together?” I suggested calmly.

We would need to solve this on our own, then. I had no idea what the right way to approach this was, but I gathered that we could start by following Mordin’s words about keeping his bandage off. Maybe he would calm down a little if he saw that I truly didn’t care if he had a scar on his face. Because I really didn’t care about that.

I leaned in and started to peel the bandage off carefully. Garrus was incredibly tense and wouldn’t meet my eyes as I did. However sad it was to see that he felt so insecure about it, I ignored him and kept my slow and steady pace until the bandage was completely off his face.

There was no denying that this had been a serious injury. His mandible had been almost completely ripped off, that was one thing. Some cybernetics were there to keep it functional again and they did so beautifully. After looking at it, I smiled and tried to get him to look at me. He wouldn’t yet.

“It looks good. It’s still there, but it looks like it’ll fade well. Is it safe for me to touch it?” I asked.

He nodded, but stayed silent. I could touch it, which meant that the infection risk had to be close to none existent at this point in time. Wearing the bandage off the ship just was an added security just in case. As I neared his face with my hand, he subconsciously leaned away from the touch until I made direct contact with it. Swallowing my own emotions again – they really didn’t matter right now – I didn’t stop until I made contact.

“Does it hurt?” I asked, just to be safe.

“No.” He told me.

I ran my hand over the damaged tissue on his neck. It felt harder, yet somehow still softer than the rest of his hide did. It was in the middle of healing, not yet a fully formed scar. His plates felt different, though not a bad different. They felt scratched, in a way. But even if his plates and hide felt different, he still looked and felt like Garrus.

“It feels a little different, but I think in the same sense as the scar on my forehead feels different than the rest of my skin.” I told him thoughtfully.

“What does it look like?” He asked silently.

One thing at a time. Looking at his plates they certainly looked scratched. And where they did look scratched, there was some discoloration going on. A pigment change. Right now it looked like a big difference in pigment and the discoloration was interestingly enough red. With time, it would fade and become lighter and lighter. Some of his clan markings around his injury were also gone. I answered him honestly.

“Your plates look scratched. Some of your markings have disappeared. There are some differences in pigment, like your plates have a different color where you got burned. That will fade with time.” I told him calmly.

“What about my hide?” He asked just as silently.

I bet this was what he was mostly worried about. While his plates looked scratched, his hide looked the most damaged. It was textured. It certainly looked more severely damaged than his plates did, and that only made sense to me. While harder than my own skin, this was a more sensitive part of his body. It reminded me of a classic burn. Reddened and raw right now, though he told me himself that it didn’t hurt. It would calm down with time and fade. Again, I answered him honestly.

“Your hide looks a little more textured. It feels a little different. The area has a different pigment than the rest of your hide. Looks raw right now, but it’ll fade with time.” I told him just as calmly as I did with his plates.

“Does it look bad?” He asked silently again.

“I don’t think it does. It looks like you survived a rocket to the face – I won’t lie – but it looks a lot better than it could’ve looked.” I answered honestly.

Garrus finally managed to meet my eyes with his. Nerves. The man usually so confident and sure of himself was gone for a second as he eyed me apprehensively. Eyeing my reaction to see if I would lie when he asked his next question? This was so strange, just because he never was like this. But I kept my cool and waited for the question he had on his mind.

“Are you bothered by it?” He asked and watched me like a hawk.

“No.” I said.

He listened for any reaction, but he heard none, because I was being honest with him. Not taking it personal was more difficult, but I needed to focus on the fact that this was something he was feeling insecure about. He was allowed to feel insecure. I wasn’t the only one who could be that.

“Are you just saying that to be nice?” He asked.

“Garrus. I don’t care that you have a scar. I still want you. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you at all. I promise you that.” I assured him calmly.

I bent down and just gave him a turian kiss. Didn’t need to wait for him to actually meet me halfway or ask for permission to get one. As I did, he relaxed a little more when my hands gently traced his damaged mandible. Maybe a joke would calm him down even more, and so I tried that.

“I’ll have to keep you away from the krogan women that will be swarming around you now, though.” I teased with a smile.

It worked, because he actually laughed. Tension steadily released from his body and he relaxed more and more. Now he knew that I wasn’t lying when I told him that I didn’t care about a scar. Now he also knew that I didn’t mind him having one at all either. My opinion about his looks turned out to be that important to him. It still hurt a little, but I decided to let my feelings on that matter go.

“So. How do we take care of this?” I asked.

He picked up the two tubs and handed them to me one at a time. “It has to be cleaned with this stuff every day, since I’m not wearing a compress on the ship. I also have this miracle cream from Mordin. I have to put it on every third day and let it sit for fifteen minutes.”

I nodded and opened the tub that would be used to clean the burn. This was a smart one as it seemed to be towels in here soaked with the solution already. Single use, of course. I pulled one out and decided to do it for him. I wanted to be involved in this. Besides, I didn’t think me taking care of him a little sounded like a bad idea at all.

“Sit still.” I told him as I started to clean it off.

“I’m sorry for being… stupid with this.” Garrus apologized after a few seconds.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re allowed to feel insecure about stuff, too.” I assured him with a smile.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore. But it’s like my hide is more sensitive.” He noted curiously.

“In a good way or bad way?” I asked, now being done with cleaning.

“An interesting way. It’s like I feel your touch better. That’s weird. It’s just something new to me.” He explained.

I had no idea how deep his burn was, but that certainly made it sound like it was very serious. I also had no idea of how thick his hide was and where the nerves were. It sounded like the burn had been deep enough to get rid of a layer or two of skin, though not so deep so it damaged any nerves. I nodded and picked up the tub of miracle cream from Mordin, wondering if it was the same one he had put on my skin after Horizon.

“Yeah. I get what you’re saying. When did you put the cream on last?” I wondered.

“It’s time to do it today. Thin layer.” Garrus told me.

And so I went at it, putting a thin layer of this miracle cream everywhere he had been burned. Gloves weren’t here, so I guess that’s why he could do it himself. I bet he also would’ve told me to put gloves on if they were needed. Seemed like they weren’t, and since I could touch it, I just went for it.

This cream felt thin and thick at the same time. Not greasy at all, which I appreciated a lot. It spread beautifully around his hide and plates and it actually had an interesting smell to it. Didn’t smell directly medicinal. More like how unperfumed creams usually smelled.

“I can probably do this myself.” He noted a little sheepishly.

“Don’t you like me doing it?” I asked and paused what I was doing.

“It’s not that. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do it. It’s nice of you, though.” He explained.

I smiled and continued applying the cream. “Take care of my man a little? I don’t mind doing that.”

“‘My man.’ Does that mean you’re my woman?” He softly repeated with a smile on his face.

I chuckled and closed the tub, now done with applying the cream. “I sincerely hope so. Otherwise this could get a little awkward.”

It needed to sit for fifteen minutes now, and so I asked if he wanted to join Miranda and me tomorrow on Illium. That he did. Perfect. I didn’t go into much detail about Miranda’s relationship with her family, but told him that we were helping her relocate her sister from Illium. That was enough for him, though. He didn’t need more information than that.

“What are some couple’s pet names you use on Earth?” He asked curiously.

I guess the ‘my man’ comment still was on his mind. He already called me softy, but I guess that was mostly a nickname, like how I called him big guy. Pet names, though. I gathered he meant the loving ones you used in a couple’s setting. There were so many of them, but I decided to keep the list short with what I had heard the most.

“I feel like I hear babe and honey the most. Or hon, which is just a shortened version of honey. Sweetie, but I feel like that’s more innocent.” I told him.

“Hey, babe.” He said to me.

I stifled a chuckle and thought about what that felt like. Nah, I didn’t like it. It felt so… teenager-like? Too young for me? I didn’t know how to explain exactly what it felt like, but what I was sure about, was that I didn’t like it. Garrus saw it, too.

“You don’t like that one. What are you doing, honey?” He asked.

“‘Dinner’s ready, honey!’ That’s such a married couple kind of pet name.” I noted with a smile, though I didn’t have anything against it at all.

“Is it, sweetie?” He asked.

Sweetie. The most innocent pet name in existence – in my mind, of course – and that’s the one that made me smile? But I did like it. It made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

“Aw, you liked that one.” He noted.

“Yeah, that was nice. Just don’t use it in bed. It doesn’t fit in a sexual setting.” I told him.

I think we both ended up chuckling as images of ‘I wanna fuck you so hard, sweetie’ sentences grazed our minds. That just felt wrong on so many levels. He could use my name in those cases. Or something else, if he wanted to. Just not sweetie.

“Thank you for taking care of me, sweetie.” Garrus said as he took my hand in his.

“You’re gonna use it in every sentence now?” I asked.

“Maybe I will, sweetie, especially when you end up smiling like that.” He answered.

Yeah, I really couldn’t stop smiling when he called me that. I chuckled and thought he was being way too sweet for his own good right now. Didn’t mind it, of course, just because I really liked it. He was also looking a little tired. So was I, and I guess it was late. We needed sleep before we docked back onto Illium. Teased him back, of course.

“It’s getting late, honey, and you look tired. Do you want to sleep next to me tonight?” I asked him casually.

“I’ll head down, sweetie.” He answered.

While we had reeled back the intense touching and making out, I hadn’t stopped asking if he wanted to sleep next to me. I never asked for sexual intentions – at least not right now – and he knew that himself. I liked sleeping next to him. Cuddling or not, I slept very well with him next to me. But he still always turned it down. And while I always managed to hide my disappointment when he did, I struggled this time. Mr. Observant noticed it right away.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing.” I tried to tell him.

Raised brow plates met me. Uh-huh. I had just outed myself and the knowing look on his face told me he realized that, too. Might as well ask why he didn’t want to. There had to be a reason, right?

“Why don’t you want to sleep next to me?” I asked.

“It’s not because I don’t want to. Two reasons. I still don’t fully trust myself to not push it too far. Other than that, it’s considered a little weird in my culture to sleep next to someone you’re not having sex with.” He assured me calmly.

I couldn’t really argue him not trusting himself to not go ham with his hands. We had been there and done that, and seen just how dangerous that was. That I could respect and understand. But not sleeping next to me because we weren’t having sex yet? No, I didn’t understand that one. There were just two very obvious counters to that claim.

“You slept next to me on the old Normandy.” I pointed out to him confused.

“You were injured.” He pointed back out to me.

Fine. I guess I could understand that, too. He had moved out of my room as soon as I didn’t need his help anymore. I remember the nightmares came back as soon as he did. I didn’t know what it was, but I guess just having him next to me calmed me down. I slept like a rock and didn’t have nightmares consisting of the Reapers or my time on Earth.

But if that was the case, then my second counter made very little sense. “What about when I stayed with you in your apartment?”

He was silent for a while, before he answered me. “Well, I couldn’t let you sleep on my couch.”

I offered to sleep on his couch myself when I was there. He was the one who said I could sleep next to him in bed. A bullshit excuse and we both knew he was lying to not tell the truth. It reminded me of the time I gave one of those to Vito to explain why I hadn’t kept in contact with him. He got angry with me and called me out on it like any true friend and turian would.

But something in Garrus’ eyes kept me from getting angry with him. That same kind of apprehension that told me the reasoning was embarrassing for him was there. Why didn’t he want to sleep next to me now? Because he didn’t trust himself, yes, but mostly because we weren’t having sex right now. He was hoping for it when I visited him, wasn’t he?

He told me that he started to realize what was going on while we were spending my final shore leave together. I gathered he meant that something sparked for him as we kissed, as it did for me. But now I started to wonder if there was something else to this. Was I the woman he had an eye for? The one I was supposed to ask about when I got him drunk? I totally forgot to ask about it – I had gotten just as drunk as he did.

I gathered I was right and a small smile spread across my face as I answered him. “You would have died if we did anything.”

“Why aren’t you in C-Sec?” He wondered, slightly stunned by me putting two and two together.

“Would we be Mr. and Mrs. Investigator if I was?” I teased.

He chuckled before answering more seriously. “You bet your ass I would partner up with you. I just don’t want you to feel like I don’t want to sleep here. I do and I will. But right now, I just-”

I cut him off with a turian kiss, because I didn’t need him to explain this to me. I got it. It felt weird for him and he didn’t want another accident to happen. I respected that. Now that I knew, it felt okay.

“It’s okay, honey. I get it. Thank you for clarifying it for me. I’m heading off to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow for Miranda’s mission.” I said and gave him a kiss.

We both got up with me going into the bathroom and him heading to the doors. Damn it, I should have just asked right away and not thought about this for so long. The reasoning was a lot less scary than I thought it was going to be. One would think the experience with Vito would tell me that asking about something right away was the right way to go, but no. I apparently still struggled to do that.

“Good night, sweetie.” He trilled just as the doors closed behind him.

And I still smiled like an idiot to myself as the word came from him. Sweetie. I actually liked it. Never mind that I referred to children in that way. To me, there was no apparent connection there, but I guess it felt nice to be considered a little innocently from time to time. Maybe that’s what did it for me.

After getting ready for bed, I got under the covers with the same stupid smile on my face. Sweetie. Couldn’t let it go at all, could I? It just felt so stupid to get so excited over a damned pet name. Thought about it so much that I forgot to turn off the lights. Since I felt way too lazy to get back out of bed, I decided to ask the ship to do it for me.

“EDI, do you mind getting the lights for me?” I asked.

Not at all. Good night, Mika.

“Thanks, babe.” I answered and kissed the air.

Chapter Text

We met Miranda’s contact, Lanteia, on Illium. An asari with purple skin who was very much expecting us to come meet her. Miranda seemed nervous as soon as she saw the uncomfortable look on her face.

“Ms. Lawson, I’m glad you made it. We’ve had a complication.” She said uncomfortably.

“What happened? Is Oriana all right?” Miranda asked right away, worry dripping from her voice.

“She’s fine. But… you listen a man named Niket as your trusted source? He contacted me, warning that your father has sent Eclipse mercenaries to make a sweep. He suggested that the mercs might be watching for you personally. He’s offered to escort Oriana’s family to the terminal instead.” She explained.

Niket… Niket? I couldn’t remember Miranda telling us about this man. Hopefully this would be someone she actually could trust, or we were going to have problems going forward in addition to the Eclipse.

“Who’s Niket?” I asked Miranda.

“He’s a friend. He and I go back a long way…” She explained, but trailed off.

“Do you want to bring in any of your other Illium contacts, Ms. Lawson?” Lanteia asked.

“No. You and Niket are the only two I trust on this.” She answered assuredly.

An awkward situation. Let Niket take Oriana to safety, or jump in to do so ourselves? Take care of the mercs for them, or just swoop in? I let Miranda decide. This was her personal mission and I wanted her to be in charge of how things got solved, just as I did with Jacob and Garrus. Taking care of Eclipse wasn’t too difficult anyway. We were well-equipped for those encounters with double overloads on my team.

“It’s your sister, Miranda. What do you want to do?” I asked her.

She thought for a while before answering. “Lanteia, we’ll follow Niket’s suggestion. Shepard and I will take the car and draw their attention. Have Niket escort the family to the shuttle. Give him full access to the family’s itinerary, just to be safe.”

“Understood, Ms. Lawson.” She answered with a small bow.

I thought that was a lot of control and power to hand over to someone, but I guess she trusted Niket enough to do that. Worst case scenario would be that we were walking right into a trap with this, and I didn’t want to spend too much time thinking about that right now. We were going to play the bait and needed to focus for that.

We started to head over to a transit station to call a sky-car. Why did I always hope things would be easy when I time and time again got it proved to me that they were anything but? That damned optimism, man. So contagious, yet so incredibly annoying at the same time.

“Get shot down by Eclipse while your sister gets to safety. Nothing’s ever easy anymore, is it?” I joked out sarcastically.

“Eclipse will be under orders to take my sister alive. They won’t risk anything that could kill us.” Miranda said assuredly.

“But what about Niket? Do you want to give him any backup?” I asked.

She shook her head firmly. “He can take care of himself. Besides, any armed backup will just draw attention to him.”

I thought that made sense and decided to not argue it. “Okay. You ready?”

“Thank you, Shepard. I appreciate this. I hadn’t planned on Eclipse… but they never planned on you.” She said with a small smile.

I rolled my eyes playfully. Yeah, yeah. Didn’t need to inflate my ego up more than it already was. I was cocky and sure of myself. Didn’t need to be more cocky than I already was. Besides, taking out Eclipse mercs never felt like a bad idea, though I hoped they kept their heavy mechs at bay this time.

We got in a sky-car that Miranda drove. She was a decent driver. I was tense, just because I was waiting for shit to go down at any moment, because they always did. Garrus sat behind me in the backseat, and he was way too big for that, wasn’t he? Poor guy. I should have offered him to sit in the front, but I took the liberty of doing it before he could. Oh, well. Short ride, at least.

And of course it got accompanied by Eclipse gunships as soon as we neared their location. Looked a lot like turian fighters, though I wasn’t too sure if I was right about that. We were heading to the right place, at least.

“Damn it. Eclipse gunships. They’ll be dropping troops in the cargo areas.” Miranda noted.

“Put us in cover behind them.” I told her.

“Let’s hope they really do want to take us alive.” She noted.

It didn’t seem like it, because they started shooting at us as soon as we started to descend. Though it stopped right when their leader seemed to recognize Miranda. He signaled to hold fire and they did right away as we completely descended to the ground. Interesting. Miranda had been right. They wouldn’t kill us right away.

This was some sort of cargo area. Crates lay everywhere, as they often seemed to do in these places. I could hear the faint sound of machinery behind them and it made me think this was some sort of production line, too. We would probably find out as we got deeper and deeper into the area. These guys wouldn’t let us pass easily.

No, the leader walked up to us. Brown neat hair and tech armor. An engineer, huh? I bet there were more of them around. Visions of combat drones hassling us entered my mind and I cursed at that. They weren’t tough to take down and they didn’t necessarily do a lot of damage, but they were insanely annoying to have flying around you.

“Since you’re not firing yet, I trust you know who I am.” Miranda said calmly to this leader.

“Yeah. They said you’d be in the car. You’re the bitch that kidnapped our boss’ little girl.” He answered sourly.

“Kidnapped? This doesn’t involve you. I suggest you take your men and go.” She suggested back to him.

“Think you’ve got it all lined up, huh? Captain Enyala’s already moving in on the kid. She knows about Niket. He won’t be helping you.” He argued back.

A standoff. How incredibly familiar that was. Why did mercs like to talk so much? Why couldn’t they just go for it and not waste time? Not that I didn’t mind them stalling, but I had to wonder what went through their minds from time to time. They had probably been told to give Miranda a warning before killing her. If her father really knew her, he knew she would never accommodate that warning.

But something this merc said stood out to me. Kid. Exactly how old was Oriana? This sentence from her asking for my help came to mind. Genetic twin. She had probably been made the same way Miranda had. Nothing wrong with that, but I wondered why she would withhold that information, especially when I had been clear that I had nothing against her being made that way.

“The kid? Miranda, I thought you said she was your twin?” I asked her.

“That what she told you? No, this crazy bitch kidnapped our boss’ baby daughter. He’s been looking for her for mora than a decade.” The leader answered, like his name was Miranda.

“It’s complicated, Shepard. We share the same DNA, just not the same birthday.” She answered and confirmed that my suspicions were right.

“You took a baby from the richest guy in the galaxy, lady. I don’t know what your damage is, but you’re not getting away with it.” He threatened her.

I was tired of talking now, and wanted things to move along, so I threatened him back. “Uh-huh. Hey, why don’t you fuck off? You’re not getting Miranda’s sister. It’ll go badly for you if you push this.”

He walked up to my unflinching face and decided to threaten me directly. “Captain Enyala ordered us to give you one chance to walk away. But this whole time we’ve been talking, my men have been lining up shots.”

Yeah, I hoped he was smart enough to do that. This stand-off was dying and I needed a plan. Glancing behind this asshole, I saw something interesting. An explosive crate over a bunch of mercs. Now, it had been a while since mayhem last ensued. What I had in mind felt like a good idea, too. I just needed this asshole to disappear before I could do it. Garrus and Miranda would follow my lead when I did this, and so I waited for my moment.

“When I say the word, we unleash hell on your squad. So I suggest you walk away nicely, unless you want things to get ugly.” He threatened yet again.

See, tech armor gave him good shields. I knew that. But grabbing him with my bare hands would not get blocked by said shields. Since things getting ugly sounded like a good idea to me, I smiled at him. Then I quickly spun him around, wrapped my arms around his head, and twisted until it said ‘crack.’ As he fell in front of me, Miranda and Garrus had already started firing towards the other mercs.

Pulling out my M-5, I activated the laser target assist on it and trailed it to this explosive crate. After shooting the nearest arm that held it up a couple of times, it fell and mayhem suddenly happened. A big explosion, people screaming as they flew and burned to their deaths, and a damned salarian Eclipse trooper that had the most open-mouthed shocked look on his face. His face made me smile, and I chuckled as he got a matching hole in his head to match his mouth.

“You’re so hot when you’re ruthless.”

The sentence was purred right into my ear and it made me shiver and smile like an idiot. While the bigger part of me just did this to move things along faster, I had to admit that I appreciated hearing that he liked me doing it. Childish, but what could you do, right? I didn’t think Miranda heard it at all, though. She was focused on this mission, which was very much understandable. Garrus and I needed to do the same, so while blushing, I went into cover with him.

Most of the mercs had been taken out, though not all of them. We still had a couple to clear on our way forward. We did so patiently, and I let Miranda and Garrus overload shields while I focused on the ones without any shields. The area efficiently cleared to an elevator and I quickly understood we would be climbing this godforsaken tower. The radio lying on top of a dead merc in this elevator caught Miranda’s interest right away.

“Hang on. I’ve got one of their radios. I’ll patch us in, see if I can get an idea what we’re up against.” She noted to herself.

And patch us in she did. Not too much information now, but it would maybe become helpful later. Knowing what you were up against never was a bad thing, after all. This elevator was slow, though. Very slow. We could hold a conversation here without any issues, and Miranda seemed to think that was the case, too.

“Shepard… I think I owe you an explanation. Oriana is my twin, genetically. But my father… grew her when I was a teenager. She was meant to replace me. I couldn’t let my father do to her what he did to me. So I rescued her. She’s almost a woman now.” She apologetically explained.

I nodded, unsurprised by her telling me this. “Yeah, I felt like it was weird that you called her your genetic twin and not just your twin. Figured something was up. You didn’t tell me we were saving a child, though.”

“She’ll be nineteen this year. It just didn’t seem relevant to explain it at the time, I suppose. There are people who’d use her against me. I’m very protective when it comes to Oriana. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you sooner. You deserved to know.” She apologized and explained.

Eh, no harm done in my books. She hadn’t told me what her father actually wanted from her or Oriana, though I had some dark thoughts on that. Didn’t know if they were right, of course, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to ask about it either. What this man didn’t have, was a lot of regard for human life, as he tossed the daughters he made when they weren’t perfect enough. That made him a waste of life in my book.

Then there was Niket. I didn’t like what was going on with him. He smelled like a traitor, but I wasn’t so sure if Miranda saw it. She seemed to trust him a lot, and I was sure that would bite her in her perfect ass soon. Though this was her mission. I didn’t want to push my ideas onto her. She also knew him better than I did, but I had experience with what placing trust in the wrong people could lead to.

“If Eclipse knows where Oriana is, they’ll be moving in on her soon. We should hurry.” I noted.

“Agreed. I’m a bit worried by what the merc said. If they got to Niket somehow, this is going to be harder than I’d planned. According to the specs I reviewed, we’ll need to cut through the cargo processing yard to get to Oriana.” She thoughtfully told me while looking at blueprints for this place on her omni-tool.

“What does it look like?” I asked curiously.

“We’ll be moving through conveyor systems. There’ll be a lot of movement. Finding targets won’t be easy. We’ll need to stay sharp. And these cargo transports carry hazardous materials, so watch what you shoot at.” She told us both.

“Good thing you have the sniper-duo with you.” I said while smirking.

“I suppose it is.” She chuckled out.

“Hey, uhm… Niket. Are you sure you can trust him?” I carefully asked.

“Absolutely. Niket is one of my oldest friends. I guess you could say he was my only real friend. He’s the only person I didn’t cut ties with when I left my father.” She answered without hesitation.

I cast a glance at Garrus who had the same knowing look that I had on my face. We had experience with trust going badly for the both of us. Garrus had trusted Sidonis and it led to him being sold out for selfish reasons. I had been betrayed growing up by placing my trust into adults that only wanted to use me. Yeah, trust because of history didn’t mean that much to me. And I believed that while being confident in the fact that neither Garrus nor Tali ever would betray me.

“But is there a chance your father could be using Niket to get to you?” I asked, wording my question differently for her.

“I’m sure he’s tried, but Niket’s one of the few people who understands what my father is really like. I trusted him with my life when I ran from my father, Shepard. He won’t betray me now.” She confidently answered again.

Battle lost, I smiled to her. “All right. Let’s go find Niket and Oriana.”

The next area held these conveyor belts that were transporting these crates with hazardous material in them. You really had to time your shots between them for them to hit anyone. Add to the fact that there were a lot of engineers here, and we had a problem.

Combat drones. God, I hated them when they weren’t Chikktika vas Paus – Tali’s drone. They did just what I thought they would do. Hassle you from the side so you would split your focus and become susceptible to a headshot. Luckily a single shot took them out easily enough. But this meant that we really had to focus on the engineers as fast as possible to not die.

Then the assholes also started to add LOKI mechs and I got nervous about meeting a heavy one. Not that they were so difficult to take out with a team of three, but they were incredibly dangerous if they got up close and personal. LOKI mechs were funny to listen to, though. Their mechanical and calm voices warning us we were trespassing and that they were authorized to shoot. Still made me smile when they exploded from headshots.

This battle was long, because the conveyor belt turned out to be an issue for us. But overloads from Miranda and Garrus, me hacking LOKI mechs and burning people left and right by incinerating them, and just Garrus and I being good at taking out targets fast with our rifles made sure that we won. Oh, it took its sweet time, but we finally managed to sigh in relief as soon as the area cleared.

Replenish thermal clips. That was our focus after this battle. And while we did that, the comm link these mercs had started to pay off. It started to talk about Niket meeting Enyala to hand Oriana over. That’s when Miranda got weird and quiet and when Garrus and I looked at each other knowingly. Now she would see that people could be bought off. It took a lot to withstand that when the offer was good.

We apparently needed to head into a final elevator to get to where we needed to go. As we did, Miranda broke the silence between us.

“Maybe the captain knows we’re listening in and she’s feeding misinformation about Niket making a switch.” She offered up.

I really wanted that to be right for her, but it clearly wasn’t. He had been bought. We all knew it, but none said it out loud yet. Miranda was completely in denial about the fact – a feeling I also understood.

“Or maybe it means something else. Niket wouldn’t do that. Damn it, why won’t this thing go any faster?” She yelled out and overclocked the elevator, making it go up faster.

“What makes you so sure that Niket wouldn’t turn on you?” I challenged.

She huffed in frustration before answering. “He could’ve turned on me when I ran away. I’m sure my father tried to buy him off. If he didn’t do it then, why would he do it now?”

“Did Niket know that you took Oriana from your father?” I challenged again.

“No, he just found out about that recently. It was too personal to involve someone else. I never really thought about it, but maybe… no. He’d have to understand why I did it. He knows what I went through.” She answered more thoughtfully.

All right. If she wanted to be surprised when we entered the roof we were going to, then sure. I didn’t want to ask her about this to make her feel bad. I just wanted her to understand it on her own. A harsh lesson, but one she clearly needed. Garrus and I telling her that he had sold her sister out didn’t really mean anything unless she believed it herself. She would just deny it. So I shrugged and offered up a small smile.

“I mean… you know him best. If you really think he wouldn’t betray you, then I’m sure there’s another explanation.” I told her calmly.

“I don’t know, damn it! But I guess we’ll find out soon enough. And then I’ll have a word with this Captain Enyala.” She answered a little sourly.

Maybe she didn’t want to believe it, but I guess there now was something telling her that this could be what had happened. That was better than just being in complete denial. So we all stood there silently while waiting for the elevator ride to end.

As we did, we ended up on dock 94. In front of us was one man dressed in civvies, one Eclipse asari merc that had to be Enyala, and another asari that just looked like a regular dock worker.

Now, this asari looked dangerous as hell. Heavy and yellow Eclipse armor, a shotgun on her back, and an aura telling everyone that she didn’t fuck around. She immediately reminded me of Wrex. Vanguard. I was sure she was a vanguard. Offensive biotics, basically. Charge, nova, reave, shockwave… this fight could get very interesting if I was right.

But this man seemed stunned to see us here. He even recognized Miranda right away, and I just knew this had to be Niket. He half-closed the distance to Miranda, but stood close enough to Enyala to make us all understand what Miranda had been denying all along: He had been bought off by her father.

“Miri.” He muttered out surprised.

“This should be fun.” Enyala noted and got to her feet, ready for anything.

The poor dock worker didn’t want to get involved. She ran as soon as Enyala got to her feet. Enyala’s answer for her doing that, was to shoot her in the back. It made everyone of us ready our weapons and we were soon in another standoff.

“Niket. You sold me out.” Miranda noted and she sounded so hurt when she said it.

“How do you want to handle this, Miranda?” I asked her, still letting her have full control.

“Why, Niket? You were my friend. You helped me get away from my father.” She asked with a lot of emotion in her voice.

“Yes! Because you wanted to leave. That was your choice! But if I’d known that you’d stolen a baby-”

“I didn’t steal her! I rescued her!” She corrected him furiously right away.

“From a life of wealth and happiness? You weren’t saving her! You were getting back at your father!” He answered her.

Thing was that wealth didn’t make you happy at all. I had a lot of wealth and I felt exactly the same as I did when I didn’t have that kind of money. Sure, it made things easier and gave you opportunities you usually wouldn’t have, but there was truth to the fact that money didn’t buy you happiness.

But I wanted this asshole to tell Miranda what he did. I was so sure it was her father that had turned him, too, so I asked about it.

“How did Miranda’s father turn you?” I sternly asked.

Niket answered Miranda, not me, which was fine. “They told me you kidnapped your baby sister all those years ago. They said I could help get her back peacefully. No trauma to the family. I told them you’d never do that. That they could go to hell. Then you finally told me what you’d done. I called them back that night.”

“Why didn’t you call me, Niket? We’ve been through a lot. You could’ve at least let me explain.” Miranda pointed out to him.

“I deserved to know that you’d stolen you sister, Miri. I deserved to know you were with Cerberus. But I had to hear it from your father first.” He countered.

Why did he think he deserved that? Because he helped Miranda escape and she happened to have her sister with her? I could understand that reasoning, but this was for her sister’s safety. That mattered a lot more than Niket being informed about what was going on, at least in my books.

But I didn’t think he was being completely truthful about this. This man sure as hell acted like a saint, but I bet he didn’t do this from the goodness of his heart. This would be a tough lesson for Miranda, but I decided to ask all the same.

“And how much did Miranda’s father pay you?” I asked.

“A great deal.” He told me.

“There we go.” I said somewhat smugly and somewhat disgusted.

“Damn it, Niket! You were the only one I trusted from that life.” She said, still emotional.

“He knew you felt that way. That’s why he bought me.” Niket told her.

“So you just took his money.” She pointed out disgusted.

“Don’t get holy with me, Miri. You took his money for years.” He pointed out back to her.

This was his daughter, though. Her taking money from him didn’t really surprise me at all. That was expected in my books. Of course he would provide for his own daughter. Anything else didn’t make sense at all.

But this back and forth really didn’t matter too much. What mattered right now was Oriana and keeping her safe. Why move her back from the only life she ever knew? That seemed like an asshole move to do, especially if she was doing good and was happy.

“Whether or not you agree with Miranda, Oriana has been with her family for years now.” I told him.

“Her father can still give her a better life.” Niket answered me.

“You don’t know what my father wants for her.” Miranda pointed out.

“I know that I’ve been poor, Miri. I didn’t much care for it.” He answered her.

“He wants to take a girl away from the only family she’s ever known. Doesn’t that tell you what he really is?” She answered him, and that made him shut up.

I trailed my eyes to Enyala with a smile. “Hi. I knew Eclipse was willing to get their hands dirty, but kidnapping a kid?”

She chuckled and decided to repeat what Miranda said. “I’m not stealing her. I’m rescuing her. Come on, Niket. Let’s finish this bitch off and get out of here.”

“Take your best shot.” Miranda threatened fiercely.

“I was just waiting for you to finish getting dressed. Or does Cerberus really let you whore around in that outfit?” Enyala wondered.

Damn it. I had to force myself to not laugh out loud. While I didn’t think this was a funny situation at all, I had to admit that her skin-tight armor looked like it offered shit protection. It felt like it was only there to make her ass look great – which it certainly did. And I knew that I was being hypocritical about it, because it wasn’t like my Predator armor was any better. It was skin-tight and made my own ass look great, too, though at least it offered insane protection.

This conversation was coming to a close and we needed to find a solution to this. We could talk about useless armor and asses looking great all we wanted, but that wouldn’t help the situation at all.

“If you’re working for Miranda’s father, that means he knows about Oriana. We need to find a new solution.” I told Niket like I meant it and watched him shake his head.

“Miranda’s father has no information about Oriana. I knew you had spy programs in your father’s systems, Miri, so I kept it private. I’m the only one who knows.” Niket offered up, and oh wow, we had a lucky break.

“Which means you’re the only loose end. This isn’t how I wanted it to end, Niket. I’m going to miss you…” Miranda answered sadly and pointed her gun to him.

What was it with these people wanting to kill someone who was offering up solutions? Didn’t she see what keeping him alive could do? I guess it was too difficult to think about things rationally when she had just been betrayed, and I could understand that. I also didn’t think her killing him would sit right with her at all. So I grabbed her gun and forced her aim up to the sky.

“Miranda, wait! You don’t want to do this.” I said to her.

“This has to end here, Shepard. My father will keep trying to find Oriana.” She answered me sadly.

Yes, but… “Think about it. Maybe Niket can help… talk to your father. Just say you got here first.”

Niket was on board with this right away. “I’ll… I’ll tell him that you hid her. That I don’t know where she is.”

I nodded at him and looked at Miranda. She seemed to be on board with this, too. This would hopefully stop her father from finding Oriana, while it also rectified the mistake he’d made by being bought. Wouldn’t completely redeem him, but it was a good start. She nodded and looked at Niket, still hurt by what had happened.

“I never want to see you again, Nik-”

But that’s when Enyala apparently had enough. She shotgunned him in his back and Niket died on the damned spot. Fuck. Of course the merc who wouldn’t get paid would have a problem with this plan. I forgot about her for a second. She was so silent and just observing, clearly a professional, and now we would have to kill her.

“Done. Now if you don’t mind, I have a shipment to deliver.” Enyala said flatly.

Miranda became very angry for that. She activated her biotics and held Enyala in some sort of stasis field, maybe? After that, she just threw her into the crates at the back of this dock while promising that Enyala would die for doing that. Even added a ‘bitch’ to her sentence. Nice. Enyala didn’t seem to mind this, though. She wanted to fight, just because she was a badass vanguard.

Now, I had a tech power I rarely used. Damping. While it did nothing against shields or barriers, it temporarily stopped biotic and tech powers from being used. Enyala was a vanguard. She fought with her biotics and would be insanely offensive with it, too. Like, all up in our faces offensive. She had also called in her engineer buddies to help her out, and I knew I needed to use that power quickly.

“Warp her on my signal, Miranda.” I told her.

I went into cloak and set it out at the ground by Enyala’s feet. While it dissipated my cloak, it gave us a window to take her barrier and armor down for us. Miranda went to work and warped her barrier just as it happened. Garrus focused on the engineers around, overloading and making sure they were ready to die from a headshot.

Enyala was about to biotically charge me as I did this, and since her biotics wouldn’t activate, she became confused by nothing happening. A one-trick pony, huh? That was completely fine with me. Just to make sure she died right away – I really didn’t want to face her head on – I popped a fully loaded round of my M-5 into her hear. The resulting explosion colored the crates in a beautiful violet color of her blood.

Miranda often seemed to find me being ruthless a little appalling. She had gasped at me rifling Garm in the head at close range and she had gasped when I had used my talon against the Blue Suns on Purgatory. This time, she smiled in satisfaction as it happened.

The rest of the engineers went down with ease as soon as Enyala was out of the game. There really wasn’t a lot to tell. Overload to take care of shields and headshots to take them out of the game completely. After they all died we went to the elevator to make our way to Oriana. I leaned against the wall of the elevator with my arms crossed over my chest.

Miranda looked to be deep in thought. While I didn’t want to flaunt a ‘I told you so’ in front of her… I did tell her so. But I held my tongue and waited for her to speak. She did after some time, and it seemed to be regret for her not seeing it coming that was plaguing her.

“I can’t believe Niket sold me out. I didn’t even see it coming.” She noted irritated.

“You might be a super-human, Miranda, but you’re still allowed to make mistakes like any person.” I told her sincerely.

She looked at me conflicted. “But I let it get personal… and I screwed up. Why didn’t you let me kill him? I could have handled that. But watching him get gunned down by that asari bitch…”

“Because you still cared for him, even if he betrayed you. You would’ve regretted it.” I answered her knowingly.

She nodded in agreement and went on another rant about her fucking up. “You’re right. And my father knew it. He used that against me. It’s always been like this. My father gave me anything I ever wanted, but there was always a hook, an angle for his long-term plan. I threw away everything he ever gave me when I ran. Except Niket. Weakness on my part.”

I did feel bad for her. She was stewing in her mistake, which really only was to trust someone she thought had her back. Garrus did the same and got burned. I had done the same and got burned. While it felt so backwards to feel comfortable knowing that betrayal seemed to be so incredibly easy for people, this was just how it was. This was something she could learn from, though at the same time, it was done. She needed to move on.

And besides, she was being way too negative for her own good. Now it just sounded like she didn’t have anything in her life, which wasn’t true. There was one person she had from her family that she cared incredibly deeply about. Why she was forgetting about her, I didn’t know, but I mentioned it still.

“You still have Oriana.” I told her.

“My father didn’t give her to me. I rescued her.” She answered me, like it was something rehearsed.

“Not what I meant.” I pointed out to her.

She sighed and relaxed more. “You’re right. I still have something. Thank you, Shepard.”

We made our way back to where Oriana was with her family. I hadn’t seen her yet, as we had been scoping the area out for any lingering Eclipse mercs that needed a talon to the throat or an M-5 to the head. We met up, all looking happy with there being none at all.

“No sign of Eclipse. It looks like we’re clear.” Miranda noted and looked around for what I presumed was her sister.

Her eyes moved through the crowd until it settled on a figure in a long purple and black dress. Just seeing her from the side made me immediately recognize her. There was no doubt in my mind that they were family – she looked like a young Miranda. She stood with the family she’d grown up with and just hung around waiting for something to happen.

“There she is. She’s safe… with her family.” Miranda noted with a happy smile on her face.

She watched Oriana with a relieved smile, and yet it was so incredibly full of want at the same time. I waited for her to walk up to her, but that didn’t happen. Then her smile turned into a sad one before she just looked at me.

“Come on. We should go.” She told me.

“Don’t you want to say hello?” I asked confused.

“It’s not about what I want. It’s about what’s right for her. The less she knows about me, the better. She’s got a family. A life. I’ll just complicate that for her.” She answered me.

I didn’t understand what was happening, and it was really one thought that was in my mind. “She doesn’t need any details, but would it really be so bad for her to know she has a sister who loves her?”

“Maybe not…” She answered apprehensively and looked back at Oriana.

Why wasn’t she moving? What was going on? Didn’t she want to contact her sister? It certainly looked like she really wanted to. She just said that it was for Oriana’s sake, but that felt like a bullshit excuse to me. I had no idea what was going on, so I urged her on again.

“Miranda, I know you want to. Go over and talk to her. We’ll wait.” I told her a little more sternly.

She hesitated for a second, but me bumping her shoulder made her finally walk up to her properly. As they spoke, smiled and laughed, I sat on a bench with Garrus while watching them curiously. I felt so confused by her hesitation, but I also knew I had little sense of family anymore. I still thought that people could be family by choice. Tali was often referred to as my sister and Joker as my brother. I jokingly called Karin mom and David dad.

What I didn’t understand was why you wouldn’t just reach out if you really wanted that. It didn’t make sense to me at all. If there were issues there that were serious and deep, then sure. I got it. But petty stuff, like an argument keeping you away from reaching out? Or fear of being someone they might not want contact with? No, I didn’t understand that. Those should be easily rectified within a family. And seeing how happy Miranda looked right now proved my point.

I even took a sneaky picture of them together while they hugged. This had to be the perfect Christmas present for her. Get it framed so she could look at her sister and herself together all the time.

“They look exactly the same.” Garrus noted thoughtfully.

“Yeah, they really do. I just don’t get it. I get that people might not want any contact with their families for different reasons, but when they do, why don’t they just go ahead and do it?” I wondered curiously.

“Differences in opinion, arguments… getting in touch isn’t always that easy.” He explained.

Sure. I could understand that it would make it tougher. You would have to maybe admit that you did something wrong or the other party would have to do that. Realizing you made a mistake and owning up to that was tough for anyone. But wasn’t that worth it if you really wanted to keep in touch? That’s what I didn’t understand.

“I mean… I guess I can somewhat understand that.” I said, though I didn’t really agree with myself.

“You guess?” He said confused.

“I just think those reasonings are cheap. Why does that make it difficult? Because you or the other party has to admit that they did something wrong? That shouldn’t matter if you want contact, unless it’s something very serious.” I countered with a shrug.

He got what I was saying and see my viewpoint, but at the same time, he didn’t necessarily either fully agree with me or completely understand what I meant. Anecdote time? Sure, it was anecdote time. Kept it short and sweet, and not long and dragged out like Kaidan’s story about Vyrnnus that took literal weeks to finish.

“Have I ever told you about how obnoxious I could be as a teenager?” I asked him curiously and watched him smile amused.

“No, and I have to admit that I find it difficult to believe that you were.” He noted.

Oh, but I really could be. I knew very well that I was a little shit when I was younger. Classic angry kid and teenager. Had no idea why I was that way, though as a kid, I always was a little hotheaded. Of course hindsight always was 20/20. I didn’t think I was being a little shit at the time, but looking back, I really was embarrassed by some of the things I did.

But there was one experience in particular that I was thinking about when we were talking about not getting in touch with someone because of petty issues. Just to show the way I was thinking, I retold that story with a smile on my face.

“Prepare to have your mind blown. Dad was away a lot for work. It was mostly just mom and me at home and things could get heated at times. You know what I said to her one time? We were fighting. Some stupid fight I don’t even remember. I was probably being a rude little shit to her, like teenagers sometimes are. It ended with me telling her that I hated her and then I stormed off to my room, slamming the door and everything.” I retold.

“That’s pretty dramatic.” Garrus said and stifled a chuckle, though seemed to understand what kind of teenager I had been.

“Told you I was obnoxious. I cried from frustration and as I calmed down, I felt so bad for saying it. I felt bad because I knew I just said it to hurt her. Of course I didn’t mean it. I decided that I would make her breakfast the next day and bring it to her in bed with an apology, and then I went to sleep.” I continued.

“That was very sweet of you. I bet she appreciated that a lot.” He said with a smile on his face.

I sometimes fantasized about what I would have made her. Eggs on toast often came to mind. Or maybe I would have gone all the way and make her pancakes. I could fantasize all I wanted about it, and it still wouldn’t make it any better. She never got them, of course, because I never got the chance to make them for her, and it was time to drop that bomb on Garrus.

“Maybe she would have appreciated that. I never found out, because I woke up that night to her being killed.” I told him.

Garrus got real quiet after that. This was a sort of ending to the story I bet he didn’t see coming at all. He didn’t know what to say, and that was okay. There wasn’t anything to say about it. It was just something I regretted and felt guilty about. Those were the last words she heard me say to her, and I didn’t get a chance to take them back before she died.

“I think this is why I don’t understand this hesitation. You never know what’s going to happen tomorrow. If I could have one chance to tell mom how sorry I was for saying what I said or to just tell her how much I loved her, then I would do a lot to do that. Petty issues can stay petty. The galaxy is potentially doomed, and those petty arguments and issues really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.” I noted thoughtfully.

He placed an armored hand on mine and squeezed it carefully. I looked down at it and back up at him with a smile.

“I’m sure she knew you didn’t mean it, softy.” He told me, obviously trying to make me feel better.

“You’re probably right. Doesn’t make the guilt or regret I feel for saying that any better. It’s been a long time since I had family to speak of, Garrus. I understand that dynamics in families are different and I understand that things aren’t always that easy. Don’t take what I say too seriously, because this is just what I feel. My feelings might just be wrong, for all I know. It’s more that I would just reach out if I really wanted to keep in touch.” I explained.

“I understand.” He answered and let go of my hand.

He also seemed to become deeper and deeper in thought about what I said. Maybe it triggered him on some level, just because things had been tense with his dad. He hadn’t told me how they were now, and I hadn’t asked either. Though making him think wasn’t my goal here. I just tried to explain my viewpoint about how weird I thought this apprehension about contacting family was. That was really it.

I looked up and saw Miranda head over to us. She had the most brightest and happiest smile on her face and her eyes were even wet from holding back tears. Proved my point right there. She spoke to her sister, and now she felt better. Maybe she even would keep in contact with her going forward.

I got up on my feet and wrapped her in a hug. To my utter surprise, she hugged me back and whispered out a ‘thank you’ into my ear.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Shep and Garrus.”

We looked up and offered Kasumi a smile as she sat down opposite to the table in the mess hall. We had just finished eating breakfast that Garrus had made. Incredibly good, like always. This man was a chef in the making. It had been a while since I last spoke with her. She looked good, but also like she was hiding something. Didn’t think that was a unique look for a thief, though.

“Hey, Kasumi. What’s up?” I greeted.

She didn’t say anything else. She just looked at me with that same smile, and it kept growing more and more. The fuck was this about? But then it hit me like a lightning bolt and the next question out of my mouth was asked so very apprehensively. I really looked forward to this.

“Is it time?” I asked.

“Yes, it is. We need to get to Bekenstein.” She confirmed and I got so happy that I clapped while smiling.

“What’s this about?” Garrus asked, confused by what was going on.

“We’re doing a heist.” I answered.

“A heist, huh?” He answered curiously.

“You’re not invited, Garrus. I only have clothes for Shep. Besides, I don’t have a cover story for you. Don’t worry. I’ll look after your woman for you.” She answered him slyly.

She emphasized it, too, making it clear that she knew what was going on between us. Wait… he called me that in my room. But Kasumi could cloak, couldn’t she? That damned sneaky little woman had snuck into my room, hadn’t she?

“Have you been spying on us having fun?” Garrus asked her.

“Oops. Outed myself, did I?” She answered innocently.

Things weren’t that spicy right now. If it made her happy to watch us be sweet to each other, then by all means. With that being said, I also wanted my private time to stay private. I had to remember to make EDI tell me when her signature was in my room so I could kick her out if she ended up sneaking in.

But that didn’t matter right now. We were doing a heist – something I was looking forward to a lot. It was just something fun and different. It took me back to when I was a kid on the street sneaking into stores to rob them. Not that I thought that was fun, but it was something I recognized. Something different than just killing people outright.

“Just you and me, huh? Girl’s night out.” I said with a smile.

“Thane could come with us. It would make sense for him to be there. Him arriving as your date wouldn’t be unreasonable.” Kasumi offered up.

“Then why haven’t I been invited?” Garrus asked.

“Because you’re not an assassin or a criminal mastermind, Garrus. Archangel is hated by these people. This place will be filled with criminal leaders.” She told him.

But Thane could come, because he was a well-known, professional and respected assassin. Got it. It struck my mind that he probably had worked with some of these people before. That didn’t matter, because he was working for me now. This was an infiltration mission on some level. I bet I would be playing someone else and would have to adhere to a cover story. Acting like Thane was my date for the night was fine with me.

But was it something Garrus was comfortable with? This would mean that we maybe would have to end up kissing or touching to hide what we really were doing. I was used to working like that. He wasn’t. So if he wouldn’t be comfortable with this, then I would just go alone with Kasumi.

“Having a third wouldn’t be bad. Things do tend to go wrong. Thane’s also used to infiltration and sneakiness. Posing as my date, though. I mean… are you comfortable with that?” I asked Garrus.

“Sure.” He answered with a nod.

“You do realize that we could end up kissing or touching, right? It would be just acting on my part, though.” I added, just to be sure that he understood what we could end up doing.

“It’s fine, softy.” He assured me with a smile.

No lie on his face. He actually felt comfortable with it. Then I definitely would ask if Thane wanted to come along. Having a third team member never was a bad thing. I told Joker to head for Bekenstein and was told we would arrive in four hours. Good. That gave me enough time to make sure I dressed the part for the evening.

“If Thane’s up for it, he can come.” I decided.

“Here are your clothes for the evening. I added options.” Kasumi told me and handed me a bag.

I took a look in it and smiled. “Black. Nice. Looks like deep plunging neckline or leather, huh? Time to either get the double-sided tape or lube out, then.”

I decided to head over to Thane before I went up to my loft. Four hours was a long time to get ready, but I bet he would appreciate the added time he needed to do so. Opening life support, he was just as he usually was – sitting by his desk in prayer.

“Hey, Thane.” I greeted.

“Something I can do for you, Shepard?” He asked.

“Do you have a suit?” I asked him.

That probably wasn’t a question he expected me to ask, because he turned around on his chair and looked at me curiously for asking it.

“I do have a suit.” He confirmed.

“Great. Would you want to join Kasumi and me on Bekenstein for the evening?” I asked curiously.

“Donovan Hock’s party?” He asked back.

I nodded and smiled. “Yup. I’m assuming you also have experience with being undercover. Posing as my date shouldn’t be too difficult, right?”

“No. That would be easy.” He answered with a small and sly smile.

“Flatterer. We’ll be there in four hours.” I chuckled out.

Straight up to my loft I went. The first thing I did was tell EDI to tell me if Kasumi was in here, cloaked or not. I didn’t need her here when Garrus and I were having alone time. I wondered why he hadn’t heard or smelled her being up here before. Maybe Kasumi knew how turians worked and had a way to counter that.

First thing I did was just take a shower just to feel clean. Again, I showered every day, but there was just something about feeling fresh when you were putting on a dress. Then I needed to look at the options I had, and so I pulled out what was in this bag while being stark nude. It held one pair of black heels. Open toe, straps holding them in place. They were nice-looking heels. High as a cloud, but I could survive that easily for a few hours.

The dresses were completely different to one another. The first one was a leather dress. It went to my mid-thigh. A corset would make sure that my waist was extremely exaggerated. A heart-shaped neckline went with it and some sort of metal contraption would keep it together up by my neck. This dress was really hot. The problem I had with it, was that it was leather. Difficult to get into and take off, but also stiff. If things would go wrong – which was a given – I wanted to be able to move.

The second dress looked like an evening gown. It had long sleeves and was floor length. On the right side was a very dramatic split that went right up to the hip. A zipper in the waist made sure it would be snug as anything. It also had a very deep V-shaped neckline that looked like it stopped right above my belly button. This one was very sexy and revealing without being trashy, but it had the movement in it that I wanted to be able to not feel stuck in place.

The revealing one won in the end. It needed a thong with a high cut, and so I got one of those. I put it on, added double sided tape so my boobs wouldn’t fly out by accident, and started to get ready. Posing as a criminal meant that I wanted to make sure I looked the part. It wasn’t often I actually made an effort to look good or put on a dress, but this was the occasion for it. I curled my hair, added some smokey eyes and a deep red lipstick that always made me feel like a badass.

I did this slowly. I had time to get ready. And as I was informed that we were there, I went down to the shuttle and met up with Kasumi and Thane. Kasumi was dressed in her normal assassin-like clothes. Thane was in an all-black suit. Damn. He looked good. I even told him so, and got the compliment handed right back at me. Then we started to drive to Donovan Hock’s party.

“Looking good, Ms. Alison Gunn. Hock won’t be able to keep his eyes off you.” Kasumi told me.

“What’s my cover?” I asked her with a smile.

“You run a small but talented band of mercs out in the Terminus Systems. Precisely the type of person Hock respects. I took the liberty of giving you a reputation. Papers, witnesses, article in Badass Weekly. Just don’t start talking business with him, and you’ll be fine.” She explained, and I thought that was easy enough to remember.

“Right. I need details. What’s the plan?” I asked her more seriously.

“Our friend Hock is throwing a party for his closest friends. A couple dozen of the worst liars, cheaters, and mass murderers you’ll ever want to meet, all bringing gifts as a tribute to the man himself. Our tribute is a lovely statue of your old friend Saren, rendered with loving detail and filled to the brim with our weapons. You can keep your pistol, as long as it’s concealed. They won’t hassle you over a sidearm. Once inside, we’ll make our way to Hock’s vault door, somewhere in the back of the ballroom. Then we case the security and start peeling away the layers. The statue should be there, waiting for you to crack it open and arm up. Then we just waltz into the vault and take back Keiji’s graybox.”

All right. That seemed pretty straight forward, though I was sure it would being anything but. She had asked which weapons I wanted with me. I went for my usual getup and added a grenade launcher. Why not, right? Those were fun to use. My M-5 was on my body, though I put it on a leg strap on my left leg. That kept it concealed and hidden. Thane had his SMG on his body. My guess was in a shoulder strap on the inside of his suit.

“What exactly is in this graybox that makes it worth all this trouble?” I asked her.

“It holds Keiji’s memories. Everything from all the codes and plans he stole to… all the time we spent together. Wrapped up in those memories is the secret he stole. Keiji never told me what it was, but the information got him killed.” She recapped and my memory was refreshed.

“He meant a lot to you.” I noted softly.

“Was I that obvious? Keiji’s graybox holds a lot of priceless, personal memories. It’s all that remains of who he was. But the secret he discovered is dangerous. I wouldn’t bring you here if it wasn’t.” She assured me.

I was curious about this secret myself, though I had to admit that I necessarily didn’t care why we were doing this. This was her personal mission. If she just wanted the graybox because it was her boyfriend’s, then that would be a good enough reasoning for me.

With that in place, Thane and I needed to work on our cover story. We would be walking around and doing things we weren’t supposed to do at all. If someone was close by or saw us, we needed to act like we weren’t doing anything at all. What better way than to act like people in love, right?

“Okay. I’m guessing we need to sneak into restricted areas of this mansion. Cover story in case we get caught, though… overly horny couple? The need to find a room being too great to ignore?” I offered up to him.

“That makes sense. I can definitely do that.” He answered a little too suave for his own good.

Geez, man. If I didn’t know any better, then I would have thought that he either was making an effort to openly flirt with me. But he was just already in character. Not sure if I minded either of those scenarios at all. Thane was attractive. Still too serious for my personal liking, but attractive he definitely was. I guess that was a good thing since he wanted to have a threesome with Garrus and I.

Hock’s mansion soon came into view and it certainly was a mansion. Big, extravagant – it certainly looked like this dude had money to flaunt and spend. Hated it right away. This was so far from my tastes. I liked colors and a homey feel. A space where it looked like someone lived there. This was just snobby.

As we landed and got out of the shuttle, I saw the Saren statue being scanned by a guard. Eclipse merc. Good thing Kasumi could overload. We headed over, but the guard stopped us before we could go anywhere else.

“Hold a moment, ma’am. There seems to be an issue with the statue.” He noted.

Really? We got stopped before it even started? That seemed anti-climactic as ever. I sighed in annoyance just for show and made an effort to look just as annoyed as that sigh had been.

“Is there a problem here?” A man said.

Glancing up, I saw this man walk down the steps from his front door. He was in a white suit. His lighter skin was contrasted with his dark and neat hair. Facial hair was interesting. He had a moustache and a soul patch. Those were accompanied with sideburns that came to a damned point. That just made him look cartoonishly evil.

“No, Mr. Hock. Just doing a scan.” The guard answered him.

Hock looked at the both of us, recognizing Thane right away. “Mr. Krios. I’m glad you could make it. I don’t believe I’ve met your second. Donovan Hock.”

As he greeted me, he added a small and polite bow that allowed him to take a good look down the cut of my dress without it being weird – at least not to him. Yeah, I knew what I looked like in this thing. If it helped me win him over, then he was welcome to stare all he wanted.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Mr. Hock. I’m Alison Gunn.” I greeted back with a smile.

“Ms. Gunn. You’ve been very busy lately, if the extranet is to be believed.” Hock noted.

“Sir, the scanners aren’t picking anything up.” The guard noted.

“I don’t think our guests would come all the way here from Illium just to cause trouble. Do you?” Hock noted back to him.

He apparently thought that it was fine. Great. Then we could pass. Right? No, because Hock looked at Kasumi curiously. And he didn’t like what he saw when he looked at her. Good instincts right there, I had to give it to him.

“You may pass through with Krios, Ms. Gunn. You were invited, after all. But I will ask your companion to remain outside. You understand, I hope.” He told me.

“Of course, sir. This is your party, after all.” I assured him.

“Enjoy yourselves.” He said and left to go inside.

We pulled Kasumi aside out of earshot of anyone. Just for show, to make it seem like we were explaining why she couldn’t come with us. She kinda looked like she didn’t know why he didn’t want her inside. Why would that surprise her? She was dressed like a shady person. Only an idiot would let her enter their house.

“Well, that didn’t go as I expected.” She noted disappointed.

“Well, you do look kinda shady, so I get why he doesn’t want you in there. Why don’t you cloak and follow us in anyway? Keep in touch by radio in case something happens.” I noted back silently.

Then it was time to head inside with Thane, while Kasumi followed behind us in cloak. A heist. Stealing from the rich bastards. Almost a little Robin Hood, if not for the fact that we weren’t stealing to help the poor. I looked at Thane with a smile.

“What do you say, Thane? Ready for this?” I asked him.

“Certainly. Let’s head inside, Alison.” He answered and offered up his right arm.

I wrapped my left arm around it and smiled. “Let’s.”

God, I hated this mansion right away. Being in here made me a little sick. It was that extravagant. It kinda felt like I was in a museum, just because of all the paintings hanging around. Other than that, it was white, bland, boring, and extremely classy. A double and circling staircase took you up to the second floor. That was something only very rich people had. The view from the back wall was gorgeous, though, I had to admit that. The whole wall was a window and it looked over what I could only presume was Bekenstein itself.

We needed to spend time walking around and looking like we were mingling. So we did, passing by painting after painting, and listening to people talk, while commenting on paintings like we were experts. I heard someone say they were sure they’d heard I was alive. Someone also noted that they were happy about hearing that Archangel was dead. I still loved the fact that Miranda’s suggestion had worked so well to make them believe that.

“We need to find the door to the vault and case the security. We’ll figure out the next step then.” Kasumi noted in our ear pieces.

So while still pretending to me mingling, we headed down some steps and ended up by a door that looked very curious. None were down here. I opened the door and understood I’d found the entrance to the vault. We closed it behind us and Kasumi got out of cloak to look around. The Saren statue was also here, and I had to admit that it gave me somewhat mixed feelings to see it.

Respecting your enemies was important, and I believed that while being a cocky bastard towards mercs. While he had tried to fuck the galaxy over by bringing back the Reapers, he was indoctrinated and he did what he could to redeem himself in the end. That deserved some respect. Seeing a golden statue of him just made me feel bad on that level. It kinda felt like he was being made into a joke.

On the other hand, it also felt like this was worshipping him, something I believed was so fucked up on so many levels – most of them for the same reasons as listed above. He was the perfect villain and we were in a house full of villains. Did they really worship him? I hoped not. This man was crazy enough to seek out something that would end the galaxy with smiles on their faces.

“Very nice. There’s more here than I expected. Password protected voice lock. Kinetic barrier. DNA scanner – looks like an EX-700 series. Everything a vault needs to be impenetrable.” She noted as she took a look at the security.

I didn’t know why I asked, but I still did. “Problem?”

“Please. Remember who you’re talking to. We’ll need a voice sample for the voice lock. You’ll have to go chat up Hock for that. We’ll have to find a password, too. DNA? Child’s play. We should find plenty of DNA in Hock’s private quarters.” She told me.

“Ew.” I noted as images of the sticky kind of DNA entered my mind.

“And the barrier? Cut the power. Never fails… if we can find it. Keiji could get through a system like this in his sleep. And I’m better. Let’s get going.” She said.

We had our plan. The easiest would be to talk to Hock and find the power for the kinetic barrier first, as long as the power for it was easy to reach. After getting my omni-tool to scan for electromagnetic fields, we even had a trail to follow. To not make it seem like we knew where these cables were, we went to the balcony at the back first. I had to admit that it really was beautiful out here. The view overlooking the city was incredibly stunning to look at.

I noticed a walkway to the right side of this balcony. It felt like this could take us to the bedroom and I wanted a better look without it looking like that was the case. That meant it was time to get horny with Thane. I took his hand in mine and led him to the right hand side while talking about the view with him. After glancing over to what I’d seen, he started to talk about how this view was nothing compared to what I looked like.

Then he just leaned in and started to kiss my neck while I leaned on the railing. It felt good – I couldn’t deny that – though he did it to get a better look without it looking like he was. Map the area in his mind’s eye. When he was done, he whispered ‘bedroom’ into my ear. If anyone heard it, it would only seem like we were wanting to get to a bedroom to have sex.

This meant we had an optional way of getting in. That would be risky though. I laughed, trailed my hands over his chest, and said that I didn’t want to get caught, telling him silently that we should see if there was a more quiet way in first. He seemed so intrigued by the fact that I knew how to hide what I was talking about, though he kept his own amusement hidden. Of course he understood what I was trying to tell him – it looked like he was used to this himself.

And I had to admit that working with another professional like him felt great. It just felt so natural to do this with someone who knew what was going on. He was good, he knew how to act, and he did it beautifully. Focusing on other things for now, I suggested that we go thank our host for inviting us. Kasumi told me that she was ready whenever I was, and off we went to see Hock with me still holding Thane’s arm – slowly.

He was in the middle of the room, basically where he wanted to be. All attention on him, because this was his party. God, what a disgusting man. But we still walked over with a smile. Hock even shook my hand firmly and made no effort to not look at my cleavage as he did. I bet the jiggle made that happen.

“Ms. Gunn. Good to see you. That scene at the door hasn’t soured your evening, I hope.” He greeted properly.

Now, I needed to make him talk. Didn’t know how much Kasumi needed, though my guess was enough so her voice sampler could hear him talk in different vocals and consonants. So I charmed him, because that usually kept people talking for a long ass time.

“Not at all, Mr. Hock. I completely understand the security. It just amazes me that anyone would even dare try to break into your home.” I noted affectionately.

“Ah, Ms. Gunn, in our line of work, we attract a certain element. Few understand the pains we take to keep the barbarians at bay. People these days want comfort, entertainment, love. They don’t see that the galaxy is fragile. They only have to worry about simple luxuries. Why? Because people like me – and you – are doing terrible things that keep the galaxy spinning. This party is for us. The cleaners. The support structure for the galaxy’s gleeful delusions of peace. May there always be a market for the things we do.”

Holy shit. If Kasumi didn’t have enough now, then I had no idea what would give her more. That was a damned rant if I’d ever heard one. So arrogant. God, he deserved a talon in the eye for that alone. But I followed everyone else’s lead and applauded him. Yes. People were applauding this man for what he just said.

“I said get him talking, and you got him talking. We’ve got enough of a voice sample. Let him go.” Kasumi told me, sounding a little stunned by how well that worked.

“Enjoy the party, Ms. Gunn.” Hock said as he grabbed my hand and gave it a kiss, like he was a proper gentleman.

Fighting the urge to not immediately wipe his saliva off my hand, I smiled and thanked him. Then my date and I walked off to continue to follow these cables. We needed to cut the power. It seemed like we were close by. In a sort of hidden area was a very suspicious looking statue with some books that didn’t look like proper books. Understanding that this was the place, I signaled Thane silently. Didn’t need more than a knowing look to understand what I wanted, either.

So I pulled this statue out and watched the books that didn’t look like proper books open up a jumble of power cables. Kasumi needed to get out of cloak, and so we moved a little away from her. Then, in case anyone heard what was going on, I pulled Thane close to create the diversion. Didn’t even need more info than that. He bent down and kissed me.

Damn. He was a good kisser. While kissing Garrus was something I personally loved and could never get enough of, there was no denying the fact that kissing Thane felt a little more natural. He had lips, and that made it feel like I was kissing a human. I was also pretty sure he had done this a lot before, because he took the lead beautifully. Kept it fairly simple and not too horny right now. Regular kissing and some open-mouth action while Kasumi cut the power.

“Power’s cut. Now we just need to get to his quarters.” Kasumi noted silently in our ear pieces.

Couldn’t just stop kissing abruptly, though. That would seem weird. People were actually watching us, looking a good mixture of amused and slightly appalled by the audacity. So I decided to use that to our advantage. I acted surprised as I looked at them and chuckled sheepishly to myself while muttering out an apology for them seeing that.

We needed to get to Hock’s bedroom, and we also needed the password for his door. Kasumi noted that she could get the security room door open for us remotely. That could actually work. We didn’t know where things were in his house – this was our first time visiting. If a door just opened up next to us, then it wouldn’t be weird if we were horny and walked in for some alone-time, right?

Again, working with a professional was so refreshing. Thane immediately understood what I had in mind and started to hand me some dirty sentences that were just loud enough so that the people standing close to us heard them. I blushed as he talked. It wasn’t even fake, because he had a filthy mouth on him. Imagining people hearing what he said was fun. But I laughed along and offered him some hungry looks and heavier breaths as Kasumi led us to the door she wanted us to go into.

As we were by this door, Thane grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall right next to it. Good. This was the sort of ramping up that we needed so that the next thing that happened made sense. The kissing started up again and this time he added tongue while he watched the door – ready to move at a moment’s notice.

Thane certainly tasted interesting, but I didn’t think he tasted nowhere as good as Garrus did. His taste interestingly enough reminded me of the ocean, or what fresh sweat tasted like. He was salty with a familiar kind of musk that spit tasted like. Different, but not a bad different. Just unfamiliar. Closer to what a human tasted like than I thought it would be.

Experienced, indeed. Man, kissing him did feel good. I couldn’t lie about that. It didn’t give me the butterflies or oxytocin rush, and it didn’t make me fall in love with him, but it felt very good. It made this threesome offer pop back into my mind again. I thought it sounded like a good idea now. The thought felt exciting and comfortable, because I liked Thane as a person. He would never be boyfriend-material for me, but as a third in a threesome? Yeah. I probably would agree to it.

The door opened up next to us. I broke away and glanced at it and back at him again. All he needed, because he pushed me inside and to the wall at the back. Just to make sure the people watching outside had an idea of what was going on, I wrapped my exposed leg around him. He caught right away and even moved it back to my ass. The last thing I saw before the doors closed, were some uncomfortable and amused looks being thrown our way. Luckily none of them seemed suspicious.

As soon as the doors were closed, we stopped and broke apart. This was a security room and I needed to see if there were guards in this other room I could see here. I got my M-5 out and went into cloak. The doors opened for me and two guards looked up curiously as they saw it open, but none were there. I pulled the trigger twice and didn’t even watch their heads explode from the cranial trauma mod.

Kasumi got out of cloak while I worked on ruffling up my hair a little. It needed to look like we had been doing stuff in here. I did the same to Thane, opening a button on his shirt and pulling it slightly out from his pants. Then we rifled through everything in here until we found the password. Peruggia. The man who stole the Mona Lisa, Kasumi told us.

Then a lucky break. Kasumi said we could get into Hocks quarters by saying Chief Roe sent us. That meant we didn’t need to take the backdoor in. We could just go in through the front by being horny and acting like we had gotten permission to fuck in another man’s bed. Could even take our time with it, if we wanted to.

This meant that we had to get the horniness up to level ten. Kasumi back in cloak, Thane and I walked out of the security area while straightening out our clothes and hair like nothing ever happened at all. We then walked around for a little while, before I pushed him to a wall while trailing my hands up and down his body. I told him that I needed him now and that we should follow Chief Roe’s suggestion.

The other guests didn’t even bat an eye, because our prep had been good. They saw us as the two who just couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Of course we would take Chief Roe’s offer of fucking in a bedroom. Our steps were hurried over to Hock’s bedroom. The guard stopped us as we went over to it. I stood in front while Thane already had started to work on my neck from behind while caressing my body. I mean… if the guard didn’t understand why I wanted access, then he had to be blind.

“Hock’s private rooms are off limits to guests without security clearance.” He noted a little apologetically.

“We have clearance to go in.” I answered between heavier breaths.

“On whose authority?” He wondered.

“Chief Roe told us that we could, uh… borrow this room.” I hinted out just as Thane nibbled my neck.

“Okay, one second. Chief Roe? Samuels. Have you given access authorization to Mr. Hock’s private rooms?” He asked in his ear piece.

“They have access, Samuels. Now stop bothering me!” A voice answered, and I understood it was Kasumi posing as Roe.

“Got it. Sorry to bother you, ma’am. Okay, you’re cleared to go in. Enjoy yourselves.” The guard told us and added a small and uncomfortable wink.

We practically ran into it while I giggled in excitement. As soon as the doors closed, we acted like nothing had ever happened again. We walked down a set of stairs and came to a door which only could be this man’s bedroom. After opening it, we started to look around.

This bedroom was huge. Never mind the fact that he had a big bed, there was a fucking lounge area here, a walk in closet, a huge bathroom, a fireplace, and generally just too much space for a bedroom, in my mind. This was an apartment, not a bedroom. We searched it carefully. I found a credit chit, and eventually we found enough DNA for it to matter. We had what we needed to infiltrate his vault.

“How much space does one dude need? Goddamn.” I noted a little disgusted.

“We should spend some time in here. Give off the impression that something did indeed happen. I won’t claim to have turian stamina, but I’m not a one-minute man either.” Thane suggested.

“Yeah, you’re right.” I chuckled out as we sat together in his lounge.

“I didn’t know you were experienced with infiltration.” He noted curiously.

“That was my job in the Alliance for seven years. Worked as an infiltrator. Assassinations, rescue missions, spying, undercover stuff… yeah, this isn’t anything new to me.” I told him.

“Shepard the Assassin. Difficult to picture you as one.” He admitted.

“I bet it is. I have to say that working with you is fun. It’s nice to work with another professional.” I admitted myself.

Then we just small-talked. Told him that I still had the record for the longest kill on Earth – I had checked. Told him very loosely about some of the missions I had done and he did the same. He wondered if I had ever met a drell before, and that made me remember Thalyat and what he had called me on Elysium. I retold Elysium and mentioned Thalyat to him.

“I met one that didn’t like me at all. Thalyat was his name. Such a fierce and elegant fighter. I think there was a switch towards the end, because he shook my hand before I went into the frigate and started to call me siha. I have no idea what it means, but it sounded very respectful.” I said thoughtfully.

“Siha. Explaining what that means would have me explain our religion to you. It is respectful and very honorable. I could tell you now if you want to.” Thane assured me and offered up.

A name with a religious meaning behind it. That was indeed extremely respectful and very surprising to hear. I really wanted to know what it meant. But we had been here for about thirty minutes, or so. We needed to move, partly because I wanted to get out of these heels soon, and partly because this seemed like a long time to have sex for someone not turian.

“While I would love that, right now you’re just bragging with the time that’s passed.” I joked out with a wink.

“Let’s go. I’ll tell you about it later.” Thane chuckled out.

I thought that sounded good. We walked out of the bedroom and into the party looking satisfied and smiling. Now was our time to get going into the vault, and so we did that slowly, while pretending to mingle around and look at paintings.

Just as we got to the door and closed it behind us, Kasumi started to enter inn all the passwords, DNA and shit that we had worked on getting. The vault door opened up, which she took it upon herself to check for cams. Thane and I strapped our weapons to ourself. Black Widow and grenade launcher on my back, leg holster on my right leg for my talon – I was ready for this to go wrong. It certainly would. Too bad this thing didn’t have our armor.

The entrance to the vault was an elevator. As the ride was over, there was a lot of statues down here. Turian art, quarian stone writing, the statue of liberty’s head, statue of a krogan, a statue of what looked like some weird ogre, and in the middle was exactly what Kasumi was looking for. Keiji’s graybox.

“Oh my god. There it is!” She noted.

She started to download information from it immediately. As she did, Hock’s voice rang through the room.

“Don’t bother, Ms. Goto. It’s codelocked.”

Hock’s face appeared on the back wall. His entire face on an entire wall. How much did this asshole love himself? What a self-centered bitch.

“I had a feeling that was you at the door. I knew if it was really you, you’d get through anyway.” He explained.

“You know me. I don’t like to disappoint.” Kasumi replied with a wink.

“I need what’s in that graybox, Kasumi. You know I’m willing to kill you for it. I’ll admit your skills are impressive. You got into my vault like I’d left it open. But you’re still going to die, screaming, just like your old friend.” He threatened.

But I didn’t want to listen to his threats. They just seemed so pointless when we were going to win this battle. So with my M-5 in hand, I saw this vase. Didn’t know where it came from, what it was, or if it was an important piece, but I shot it. It immediately broke and Hock screamed out a ‘no’ as it happened.

“Did I get your attention now?” I innocently asked.

“Hah! That shut him up.” Kasumi chuckled out.

“Kill them!” Hock screamed out, like an angry child.

He was working with the Eclipse. Engineers streamed into the room. Kasumi was the only one who could overload shields. She was also the only one with armor and shields. Thane had his barrier, which would help him out. I had no lucky breaks and had to be careful to not get hit. I regretted not being able to cast a barrier, because that would have helped me out. But they went down easily enough. I could cloak and I had a talon that didn’t care about shields. By being picky about the enemies I went after, they died quickly enough.

We needed to head east to get to a landing pad. On our way we met a lot of mercs, two damned YMIR mechs – which was just great without any armor or shields to work with – and of course more mercs. At one point we even had to blast our way through the walls to get out. Hock had tried to lock us inside his house, but we were smart. We could find our way out with a little creativity.

Did I mention that we met a lot of mercs? They seemed to never end. It wasn’t until we actually made it through a door and came to the landing pad that we were where we wanted to be. Or so we thought. Because that whirring sound in the air could only mean one thing.

“A fucking gunship. Great.” I noted and went into cover.

“You could have done this the easy way, Goto. Allow me to show you the hard way.” Hock threatened.

So he was in this gunship? Well, if he really wanted to go down with his ship, then I wouldn’t stop him from doing that. We had two problems, though. Mercs seemed to enter this landing pad from below all the damned time. Next to that was the fact that Hock’s ship had a way to repair its shields. That wasn’t good at all.

Kasumi said she could reach his ship if we just got rid of the mercs. That seemed a little silly to me, but I decided to go with her plan. Thane and I killed the mercs as they came upon us while dodging the constant fire his ship gave us. I used my Black Widow for this just to make sure things died right away. Then the area was clear and Kasumi showed us what she meant by taking care of the ship.

This woman ran and parkoured her way away from the fire he rained on her. Then she decided that she was going to get to his ship. She parkoured her way up railings and jumped on his ship. While smiling at him, she overclocked the shields and completely ruined them. But that wasn’t enough for her. Oh no. She swan dived off the ship and ended her showing with a very satisfied smile on her face.

“God, you’re such a show off.” I muttered to her.

And it wasn’t like I was going to fall behind on being a show off either. I got the grenade launcher in my hands, pointed it to the gunship, and sent six of them flying to the ship itself. They exploded in unison and Donovan Hock probably splattered within it as it happened. Captain went down with his ship and I strapped my grenade launcher to my back as soon as it happened.

Our own shuttle arrived shortly after. Seemed like Joker waited to send it down until the area was clear of any danger, and that made sense to me. None were injured, which I was thankful to see. We had medi-gel on us, so we could fix anyone up if they needed it. We even replenished some medi-gel before we left. Yeah, we didn’t need it, but that didn’t really stop me from looting either. Being cheap made me very able to bring it with me. Why let it go to waste?

As soon as we were safely inside the shuttle, Kasumi wasted no time. She connected Keiji’s graybox to the terminal in here while activating her own at the same time. What it looked like was that she was inside the memories, as she walked and looked around. I was just watching on a monitor, already sensing that this would be very emotional to witness.

Keiji popped up with a last message to Kasumi. While he was saying what he wanted to say to her, very personal and intimate memories popped up on the screen. We were talking the same kind of intimate that was shown of Vito and me in the special about me. What was interesting, was that a lot of these memories had something to do with the Reapers. There were images of Reapers in the background of all of these.

“Kasumi. If you’re seeing this, it’s because I’m dead. The information we found is all here. It’s big, Kasumi. If the Council ever got wind of this… the Alliance could be implicated. Kasumi I… I encrypted the information to keep it safe. And I uploaded the encryption key to your graybox, so no one could get the whole package. But if I’m dead, and if anyone knows about this… then I’ve made you a target, my love. I’m so, so sorry.” Keiji said.

“Keiji…” Kasumi whispered out, emotion thick in her voice.

“I know you, Kasumi. You’ll want to keep these memories forever. But you don’t need some neural implant to know I’ll always be with you. Please, Kasumi. Destroy these files. There’s nothing more I can do to protect you.” Keiji continued.

The Alliance could get implicated. That had to mean an undercover mission going very wrong. So wrong that it had been covered up, and then the truth got somehow leaked out. Either that, or Keiji had found their secret out. He had the truth and however much I wanted to know what the Alliance had done, I agreed with him. This should be deleted. Not necessarily only to save the Alliance’s ass, but also because he wanted her to do this so she would be safe.

“I… I can’t do that! This is all that’s left!” She muttered out between soft sobs.

“Goodbye, Kasumi. I love you.” He told her.

And then it looked like Kasumi hugged his hologram, and I had to admit that it broke my heart on so incredibly many levels to watch her do that. That was painful to watch. I recognized her feeling right away, so this would be just as painful to ask her to do. It then looked like everything paused and Kasumi walked over to me in front of the screen.

“Is there any way we can just destroy the information?” I asked her, hoping there was a workaround for her.

“No. Keiji’s a master at encrypting files. He laced the information into his memories. You can’t get one without experiencing the other.” She answered pained.

It had to be destroyed, then. Not only to stop the Alliance from getting into trouble, but also because what he said was right. This was the only way for her to be safe. She didn’t need his graybox to remember the memories they had together. This was also his wish so she would be safe. You bet your ass I felt like a hypocrite. There was no chance in hell that I would ever delete Vito’s last recording to me, though there wasn’t anything dangerous in it either.

“Keiji wanted you to destroy the graybox and save yourself.” I told her softly.

“I know. I just… I can’t. This is all that’s left of him.” She said between the tears that ran down her face.

“Do you want me to do it?” I asked her.

“I… okay. Just get it over with. Please.” She begged me.

I felt like such an asshole for doing this, but I ended up doing it. I wiped it. Just as it was busy being wiped, I turned around and wrapped her in a tight hug and let her cry on my shoulder. Poor Kasumi. I knew how painful that had to be for her, just because the thought of getting rid of Vito’s recording made me panic on the inside. She cried for a while before she started to mutter out words about getting wasted at a party. And you know what? I agreed with her.

These last two missions had been emotionally tough to go through for everyone involved, though for two very different reasons. It ended well for Miranda and it was heartbreaking for Kasumi. Then Jacob had been confronted with his dad being a sick bastard. Zaeed had been face to face with the man who tried to kill him. Then it was just the fact that we had been doing shit nonstop for these past two months. We all needed a break. We definitely could afford it, and I decided I would give it to them now as we all walked to the elevator.

“Joker, dock us into the Citadel when we get there. We need two things: A party and a goddamned shore leave. Everyone’s invited.” I told him.

We would dock into the Citadel in a couple of hours. We discussed how long this shore leave was going to be and I just went with a week. This was tough for all of us and I wanted everyone to get some reprieve before we all potentially died. Then it was just upkeep for the Normandy, too. She probably needed some tender loving care mechanically, and I would give it to her.

Was a week a very long shore leave? Probably. Though it would let everyone be able to do what they wanted to do. Visit family, stuff like that. With this being so dangerous, I thought that made it worth it.

I needed to get out of this dress and these fucking heels, though. Running around and fighting in this getup was a lot, though I had to admit that I looked hot. This dress looked incredibly good on me, and so I decided to keep it. I needed to try the leather one, too, though not now. Fighting in that leather dress just seemed like a bad idea. That one was more for cocktail parties, just with how short and tight it had to be.

As my doors opened up, I smiled as I saw Garrus lazily lying on my bed watching a vid. He had his N7 hoodie on and what looked like comfortable and loose pants. Boots were off, which I appreciated, since his feet were up on the bed. Hm. Maybe he would help me undress myself if I asked. It certainly seemed like a good idea to me.

His eyes wandered over to mine as I entered and then down and up my body. I think I even heard his sub-vocal chords trill in excitement as he did, and that made me smile curiously – unsure if I heard right. They must have, because he put his hand over his mouth in an effort to shut them up, though he failed to do so.

“Holy… I’ve never seen you in a dress before.” He muttered out shocked.

“Yeah, I usually don’t wear them.” I chuckled out as I walked down the steps and beside him.

“You should. You look stunning.” He told me, still sounding shocked.

Did I? I thought I looked hot, but maybe the right word for this actually was stunning, and it made me smile like an idiot. The dress was gorgeous. It hugged me in all the right places. The neckline was deep, but I had the body and the double-sided tape for it. That split was dangerously high, though. Good thing underwear existed.

“Stunning, huh? Wanna help me with my zipper?” I asked with that same idiotic smile on my face.

“I want to, but it’s getting more and more embarrassing to get up now.” He admitted sheepishly.

After glancing down towards his groin, I quickly understood what the issue was. He thought I looked that good, huh? Good to know that I could dress up for him and have him appreciate what I looked like. Didn’t think clothes would do it for him – at least not human clothing.

Too bad his gene therapy wasn’t done yet. If it had been, I would suggest he joined me in the shower right now. But I had another idea. While doing this would be a little cruel for the both of us, it really didn’t stop me from teasing him a bit.

“Guess I’ll just have to do it on my own, then.” I answered with a shrug.

I kept my front to him and decided to give him a little show. Why not, right? We would be seeing each other naked soon enough, anyway. I also felt insanely comfortable around Garrus. I didn’t mind him seeing me naked. Granted, it was different when he’d surprised me with being in here after Alchera, but that was an accident. I understood that wasn’t on purpose.

Started with the tape on my breasts that held this plunging neckline in place for me. Moved my hands down slowly and peeled them off just as slowly. It certainly seemed like this vid he was watching was forgotten about at this point in time, because his eyes were keenly following where my hands were going.

“Double-sided tape so this thing stays in place.” I explained innocently and put them on my nightstand for now.

Now, I think he liked my ass a lot. So why not take off my shoes in the most idiotic way possible so he could stare at it? I turned around and bent down to undo these shoes. Took my time, of course. Heard a deep breath escape his lungs as I did it, and I knew he definitely liked my ass then.

“We’ll be heading into the Citadel in a couple of hours. Wanna join me?” I asked.

I got no answer, which was curious. Busy staring, it seemed. As I kicked my heels off and sighed as I was level with the floor again, I turned around and looked at him expectantly.

“Huh?” He asked, understanding that he’d missed a question.

“Wanna join me on the Citadel later today?” I asked again.

“Sure.” He answered with a nod.

This was way too fun for me to stop now, though. I had a leg strap on my right thigh where the split in my dress was, and it currently held my talon. I had to take it off before I could shower. This was incredibly easy to take off, but I acted like it wasn’t. Faking a struggle, I chuckled sheepishly as I ‘couldn’t get it off.’

“Damn. My leg strap for my talon is so difficult to get off.” I explained with a smile.

I stopped ‘struggling’ and looked at him. Not understanding what I wanted, he looked at me a little confused. I guess the sly smile on my face told him what my plan was, because his expression changed to a pained one right away. God, this was way too easy. But I none the less walked over and planted my right leg on the bed next to him.

“Why don’t you help me take it off?” I suggested.

“This is cruel.” He muttered out.

“Cruel? It’s only a leg strap, Garrus.” I innocently replied.

It took a couple of seconds, but his hands did end up trailing up my leg slowly. Clearly savoring the moment, he took his damned time before he reached the leg strap. If he thought I had an easy time while his big, warm and strong hands roamed up my leg like that, then he was so incredibly wrong. A simple touch like that made my nerves go haywire. I had to bite my own cheek as I realized that I was having a hard time.

Only about a week left, and then he would be welcome to continue going up north. Damn, I looked forward to that happening a lot more than I think even he realized.

He unbuckled my leg strap and placed it on my nightstand. After glancing down his body again… why did I? No surprise again – he was hard. I wanted to help him out so bad, but the image of him almost dying on my bed held me back. That was an experience I didn’t want to have happen again. It was clear that we both were sexually starved at this point in time. Sensing it was becoming difficult for me too, I smiled and placed my foot back on the floor.

“Thank you.” I thanked him.

I quickly opened the zipper on the side of this dress, and now I was good to go. Deciding that I could push it just a tiny bit more, I turned my back to him and started to walk to my bathroom.

“I’m taking a shower. You’re welcome to stay here while I do that, if you want.” I told him.

Then I let the dress fall to the floor, the only thing keeping me from being completely nude my underwear. Another hard and shaky breath came from his lungs and I walked into the bathroom with a smug smile on my face.

Chapter Text

I got told off for being a little tease after my shower ended. Playfully, of course. He didn’t mind seeing me almost naked at all and I was told I was welcome to do that more often. While I certainly would soon enough, I didn’t want to tease us both like that too often before he actually could do something about it.

While retelling what had happened on Bekenstein, I ordered some clothes. Most of what I had was whatever Cerberus had provided me with. Cerberus civvies, which I never wore. N7 sweats, hoodies and tank tops, which I wore all the time. Jeans and cargo pants, and a couple of tight and short shorts, but that was about it. I didn’t have anything to wear casually that I liked. So I ordered and made sure it was ready for pickup on the Citadel as we landed.

Garrus hadn’t minded me kissing or making out with Thane. This was business and work, not something I did because I had feelings for him. He struggled to understand how easily we both could turn it on and off, but that was just how acting worked, right? We were professional actors, basically. Incredibly unpersonal, but that’s just how infiltration and undercover was.

What did we do on the Citadel? Got my clothes, of course. We bought snacks and alcohol – both dextro and levo – and then I got challenged to go into four stores and work out a discount in the shops. While I necessarily didn’t want to do that, Garrus did challenge me to do it. And as any human turning into a turian would do, I couldn’t back down.

The painful part was to record the endorsements to get said discounts. Four shops on Zakera Ward now had my voice saying ‘I’m Commander Shepard and this is my favorite store on the Citadel’ ringing from them. They activated themselves whenever you got close to them. That alone was painful. Then it was just talking up the people that was painful. God, I felt disgusted with myself. But I got it done and even managed to give Garrus the same discounts as an added bonus, too.

Not that he bought anything for himself, and I thought that was weird. I told him that I could transfer some cash if he needed it, but he declined. I gathered that he just wanted to see me embarrass myself then, and so I let it go.

Then a blast from the past came to see me. Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani from Westerlund News. The bitch who made the special on me two years ago. She wanted an interview and I obliged. She talked about the fact that I sacrificed humans for the Council. Playing the race-card with me wasn’t going to work at all, though. I pointed out that the turians lost a lot more than we did to save the same Council, and made sure to tell her that she owed the lives lost more respect than she was giving them.

What I really wanted to do, was knock her out. But doing that wouldn’t look good. I was the crazy person who talked about the Reapers that didn’t exist. Making myself look even more crazy – by knocking her out – seemed like a bad idea in my mind. She might have expected me to do it, though, because she seemed disappointed that I had given her a good answer, and not just been aggressive.

After delivering the snacks and alcohol to Gardner, who so graciously set everything up for us, I got up to get changed. I found this hot little top that I wanted to wear. It was a laced body with spaghetti straps. Completely laced. Everywhere. I put it on with a pair of black jeans and some biker heels, now looking and feeling hot with myself. Fortunately my nipples didn’t show in this thing. No makeup, because I was tired of wearing it.

Then it was time to go party.

And party we did. The music was good. I still liked rock and heavy metal, so this was not my taste, but good. There was a karaoke machine in here, though I didn’t touch it at all. Wasn’t drunk enough to do that yet. People danced, though I didn’t at all. Hell no. Cerberus had done a lot for me, but they unfortunately hadn’t given me the ability to dance.

I spent time talking to people while slowly sipping on some turian beer. Talked a lot with Jacob. He actually kept following me around a lot, which was slowly getting more and more curious. He wanted something, but held back from asking. Though that stopped as soon as he caught me alone by the kitchen counters. Then he started a rather painful conversation with me.

“So… Shepard.” He said.

“Jacob.” I said with a smile.

“Great party.” He noted.

“I’m happy you’re enjoying yourself.” I said and took a sip.

“Why throw it, though?” He wondered.

I shrugged. “Why not? We’re going on a suicide mission. A potential one-way trip. Isn’t it nice to have some fun before we all maybe die?”

He chuckled, but agreed. “I guess that makes sense. You’re looking good today.”

“Thank you. Picked up some new clothes on the Citadel. I’m just happy my nipples aren’t showing through this thing.” I admitted with a smile.

“Yeah. How about we take this party up to your loft?” He suggested out of the blue.

It was just so out of the blue that I was left feeling completely stunned by the question. Jacob was indeed an attractive man, but my opinion was that it was the only thing he had going from him – at least to me. I found him a little boring and plain. Besides, I had a man I was interested in already. I only wanted him.

“I’m sorry if I’ve given you that impression, Jacob, but I’m not interested in you in that way.” I told him after calming down from the shock.

“You seemed very interested in my past with Miranda.” He pointed out confused.

“But I did also say that I’m a curious bastard.” I pointed out back to him.

“You talk to me a lot.” He said, and I started to think that he was bad at getting rejected.

“Sure. But I talk to everyone on my squad a lot. I like to get to know those I work with.” I told him seriously.

“Why decline?” He asked.

Damn, this was getting ridiculous. Couldn’t he just accept that I didn’t want to fuck him? I owed him no explanations, but it felt like I had to give one with how surprised and slightly demanding he was. Couldn’t really tell him that I found him boring to his face. That would be rude. So I modified it and kept it plain and simple.

“You seem like a good guy, but I just don’t feel anything for you in that way. I’m sorry. Besides, I’m interested in someone else.” I answered.

“Who?” He demanded.

“Not really any of your business, but I’ll tell you. It’s Garrus.” I answered confidently.

“Him?” He said shocked, and that started to make me angry.

“Yes. Him. Is there a problem with that?” I assured him and asked back.

“I guess there’s history between the two of you, but seriously? Not only a cuttlebone, but that cuttlebone?” He gave as his explanation and walked off.

Jacob clearly was hurt about me not wanting to fuck him, but that didn’t matter to me. What he said mattered to me and it left me stunned as I stared at him walk off and go talk to Miranda. Cuttlebone. That was a word I hadn’t heard in well over two years. Why I ever expected Cerberus to not turn to petty slurs, I didn’t know, but as it came out of his mouth, it triggered me and brought me right back to Earth. And so did the anger accompanying those memories.

Cuttlebone. I had to listen to that being said out loud for so long while I was down there. I had to force myself to refer to turians in that way to not rouse any suspicion. It was a word connected to the time I hated thinking about. The time of my life that consisted of torture, bloodlust, using my own body as leverage, revenge and dying children. It brought back the memories and also the promise I made to myself if I ever heard an adult say that word out loud again.

And never mind that. He referred to my best friend as a cuttlebone. That alone was unforgiveable. The Illusive Man put me in charge of this ship, not some Cerberus xenophobic asshole. If he wanted to know exactly what happened when slurs about someone else were being thrown around like it was nothing because of a bruised ego, then I would show him that.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to kill someone.” Garrus asked silently from my side.

He didn’t know how close I was to doing just that. I mean, I didn’t really need Jacob here at all. He was a little useless in the field. Whenever he was brought along, Garrus and I ended up carrying him through the mission. And while he seemed like a kind man, the image of him being one quickly melted away from my mind when he referred to my best friend and the man I was in love with by a slur. Now I just saw him as a xenophobe.

And I hated xenophobes.

I realized myself that my thoughts were heading into an area I didn’t want them to go. They were getting close to how they were on Earth, and that was something I never wanted to have happen again. I couldn’t kill him for having an opinion or for saying a word – that was something I even understood on Earth. Miranda would probably also try to kill me if I killed him.

But I would warn him about what was going to happen if he ever did anything like that again. He would get one chance from me after I told this story. So would everyone else on this ship after this story was done. I didn’t believe in having too many rules, but being kind and respectful of others was one that I actually expected everyone to follow. If anyone broke this rule after today, then I would add a bite to the bark I was about to deliver to everyone.

“I want to tell everyone a story. This is a story about what I did in the Alliance between the Blitz and hunting down Saren. I bet this was so heavily classified that even Cerberus didn’t manage to find out what I did for seven years. Garrus already knows about it, but do the rest of you want to hear about it?” I said loudly and looked around.

Everyone certainly seemed to want to hear about it. They all moved their eyes to where I stood in interest – especially Kelly the Spy. Information shared among many people wasn’t good information. Every good spy knew that and since everyone would know what I worked as, it wasn’t anything good to take to the Illusive Man. Now, I couldn’t tell anyone about any missions in detail, but give them the overview of what I did? Sure. That wasn’t anything dangerous.

“You told someone what you did, even if it was classified information?” Miranda asked curiously.

“Of course I did. He’s my best friend. He knows everything about me. Tali also knows a lot about me. She’s my other best friend. They probably know more about me than anyone else here ever will.” I noted to all of them.

“Tell us, Shepard.” Samara said, nudging me along.

“All right. Miss Spy, please remember to take notes for your next report to the Illusive Man. So, since I had an affinity for sniping and I knew how to be sneaky, the Alliance wanted me to work as an infiltrator on Earth. I said no for a long time. After the Blitz, I said yes.” I started.

“Why the change of heart?” Thane asked.

“Personal reason, but you just need to know that I wanted to be alone. I did a lot of assassinations on Earth. A couple of infiltration missions. Went after dangerous people who were a threat to the entire galaxy. Sometimes I even rescued captured spies from behind enemy lines. I also spied a lot myself. A lot better than Miss Spy in this room, though. She outed herself real quick. No matter. I’m diverting from the topic.” I continued with a smile on my face.

Tali looked around curiously. “There’s a spy here?”

“I’ll tell you later, Tali.” I told her with a smile and managed to catch Kelly roll her eyes at me.

“What kind of dangerous people?” Kasumi wondered.

“I’m glad you asked, Kasumi. Xenophobes. The kinds that were in the 1%. The ones that weren’t all talk. But this story is about the last job I did. I won’t go into details of exactly what happened or what I made myself do to gain their trust, but I do want to tell you what I promised myself I would do the night I found out what they had planned. Do you want to know what that promise was?” I asked rhetorically, since everyone knew that I damned well would tell them.

Up until this point I had watched everyone as I told this story, moving my eyes around to make sure everyone was included. Now I wanted to single out the one person in this room that managed to make me this angry. He dared to refer to my best friend by a slur and he would know what happened if he did. So my eyes moved over to Jacob’s and I stared at him coldly.

“I promised myself that if I ever heard the word ‘cuttlebone’ spoken out loud around me ever again, then I would happily break the neck of the one that said it.” I told him and everyone else.

He tensed up immediately as I finished talking, but I didn’t break my stare into his eyes. I could easily show him how serious I was and I didn’t think I would regret it either with how incredibly angry I felt in that moment. Garrus understood something was up from watching me and from seeing all the other aliens in this room tense up and look a little disgusted by the slur I had said, though he wasn’t too sure what the problem was himself.

“‘Cuttlebone?’” He repeated confused.

“It is the bone of a squid.” Samara told him.

“That’s not helpful. What’s a squid?” He asked.

“Marine animal found on Earth. It’s a demeaning slur used by humans when they refer to turians. It’s because you are plated.” Thane explained to him.

Garrus had basically been a cop on the Citadel. He had probably heard everything under the sun being thrown at him and brushed it off like it was nothing. I was sure he didn’t care if people referred to him by a slur. Thing was that while I did care about his feelings with being referred to in that way, this was something I didn’t want people to do. It hurt me to hear that. And fuck, I was in charge. People had to follow my rules here. Treating others with basic respect didn’t seem like it was too much to ask.

But while Garrus didn’t care what people referred to him as, he knew very well what I had done on Earth. He also knew I had a big problem with xenophobic people. Now he understood that someone probably had referred to him as a cuttlebone to my face. He walked closer to me and started to assure me that it wasn’t a problem.

“Mika, it’s all right. I’ve been called a lot worse than that.” He assured me.

“It’s not all right.” I answered right away, still staring at Jacob.

I didn’t know if everyone could see who I was staring at, but Miranda seemed to get the picture. She looked at Jacob and back at me uncomfortably. Now, I didn’t know if she approved of slurs like that. Wasn’t even sure if I cared, because this was my ship. If she didn’t see the problem I had with this, then getting a new X.O. wouldn’t be too difficult at all. I actually didn’t want to, though. Miranda had grown on me lately.

Jacob felt the need to defend himself at this point, and so he started to talk. “Shepard, I can assure you that-”

“Shut. Up. The xenophobia and slurs bothers me and that’s all you need to know. I hate it. This is my ship. The Illusive Man put me in charge. If I hear anyone here use that term again, or some other creative little slur to describe someone else, then I’ll get Zaeed to help me crush them inside the garbage disposal before I shoot them into the dark void of space.” I promised everyone fiercely.

“I’ll happily help you out, darling.” Zaeed told me and saluted his beer towards me.

“Let it be known that if you can’t keep your xenophobic views to yourselves, then I don’t need you here at all. Let it be known that I will kick you out if I hear something like that again. That’s within my power to do. I won’t tolerate it. Thank you for listening to my story. Sorry for making it awkward. May the party continue like nothing weird ever happened at all.” I ended, and removed myself from the party.

I needed space and to calm the fuck down. That had been the angriest I had felt in a long ass time and I didn’t like the feeling it gave me. While it probably wasn’t fair of me to single out Jacob like I just did, I had to admit that I didn’t feel bad about doing it either. This was a multi-species ship. The Illusive Man himself wanted me to seek out people of different species for this mission. We had to work together towards a common goal. Being xenophobic, mean and having a bruised ego didn’t fit what I needed on my crew at all.

I actually decided to head to the women’s bathrooms. First of all, I actually had to pee. Secondly, I could lock the doors and be alone in here so I could calm down properly. But before I could lock the door, Garrus followed me inside and locked it behind him. He wasn’t angry at all. He seemed to be confused about what had happened and wanted to know why I lashed out like I just did.

“I think you almost gave poor Jacob a heart attack.” He noted.

“Good. That was my goal.” I assured him.

“Did he say something for you to threaten him like that?” He wondered.

“Yes. He invited himself to my loft to have sex. I shot him down. He acted like a man-baby about it when I told him I was interested in someone else. He wanted to know who it was, so I said it was you. And then he called you a cuttlebone.” I retold, feeling myself getting angry at that final word.

While that certainly explained what had happened, Garrus just seemed surprised by hearing about it. And I had no idea why he was so surprised by that. And it seemed like he had no idea why I was confused about his confusion. Luckily, he asked what was on his mind.

“You told him to his face that you were interested in me?” He asked surprised.

“Yeah, is that so damned surprising?” I confirmed and asked.

“Yeah, I figured you’d want to keep it quiet since we’re working with a human-centric organization.” He explained.

And now I had potentially fucked up by telling Jacob about us. That hadn’t grazed my mind at all with this thing Garrus and I were doing. I personally didn’t care if anyone knew. That didn’t mean that Garrus wouldn’t want to keep it quiet because of the circumstances we were in. While I didn’t want to keep it a secret, I would have understood and respected if he wanted to.

“Did you want to keep it quiet?” I carefully asked.

“I don’t… I just… we’re both confused right now, aren’t we? Maybe we should have talked about this.” He pointed out.

I took a deep breath and just went for it, telling him how I truly felt about it. “Garrus, I don’t care if anyone knows. So what if they know about us? What are they gonna do? Report me to the Illusive Man? I don’t give a fuck about what he thinks. Neither of us are a part of Cerberus. You know I’m not a xenophobe. But if you want to keep it quiet because of the circumstances we’re in, then we can. I understand if you do. That’s fine with me, and I mean that.”

“People will talk.” He pointed out.

“Then I guess they’ll have something fun to talk about. ‘Oh, look at her. She looks so damned happy all the time. Is turian cock really that good?’” I joked out with a smile.

He laughed with me, which was nice. As it died down he looked at me while I waited for his thought on this insanely stupid matter. I guess people seemed to already know. Kasumi, Tali, Samara, Thane and Jacob knew. While quite a few of them could keep their mouths shut, some of them couldn’t. It probably had been somewhat spread around, though we hadn’t been openly showing affection yet. It was just a rumor.

“If that’s how you truly feel, then let’s make it official.” He suggested.

I smiled and thought that sounded good. “All right. What did you have in mind?”

“Why don’t you sit on my lap when we get back out there?” He said.

“Did you seriously just challenging me to sit on your lap?” I chuckled out.

But he was serious, because the smile on his face didn’t disappear. Sit on his lap. Like a couple of teenagers at a party, I realized. The poor man would have to sit on my old and uncomfortable couch while this happened, too. Though I liked the idea a lot. It would be like me showing everyone that he was mine. I actually wanted to do it. So I would accept it, unless he would do this one thing.

“When I do, will you act like you don’t know what’s happening or push me away?” I asked him.

He seemed to consider it playfully in his mind. “Tempting… but no.”

“It’s cute that you even think you have to challenge me to do that. I’ll go sit on your lap for the rest of the night. Sideways, though. I’ll just go pee, and then I’ll come back out.” I promised him.

He left so I actually could pee in peace. After I did, I washed up and went out of the bathroom. True to my word, I walked over to the couch and saw him sit there. He was sitting further back than he usually did, though it still looked like he wasn’t too comfortable on it. Next to him sat Miranda with Jacob, and Samara sat in the bend with Thane.

Well. Here goes nothing. I sat down on his lap sideways. Making it official. Yeah, I guess we were doing that now. And it felt great, especially when he wrapped an arm around my legs. Did we get any looks? Miranda looked a little surprised by it happening, though she ended up smiling and went back to talking with Jacob. Surprising, but nice.

Others had mixed reactions. Most of the crew seemed to be kinda surprised by it all. Commander Shepard being with a turian? Scandalous. That’s what their looks were telling me. They didn’t ever think that Commander Shepard, the woman in charge of going against the Reapers, would fall for a turian. But I didn’t just fall for a turian. I fell for Garrus, and I guess that was the difference they had a hard time getting. I couldn’t really tell them how to react to it, so I just ignored them.

Were we an official couple now? We hadn’t talked about what we were yet, and I guess it stemmed from things being a little up in the air. Were we just dating, then? Whatever we were, this felt good and spread a big supply of butterflies around in my stomach as I looked at my date and saw him watch me with a smile.

We talked for a while about everything really, while giving each other turian kisses from time to time. If that didn’t make it official, then nothing would. He wondered how I felt about getting a biotic implant. I told him that I didn’t feel the need to get one, since I would be comparable to a turian Cabal soldier without one. That was good enough for me. He invited me to join his gene therapy session tomorrow. Seeing him hysterically laugh for no reason for all? Hell yeah I wanted to see that.

Alcohol made sure we both were getting tipsy, and as we were, something seemed to be on his mind. Like he was contemplating on doing something. He said he needed to get to the batteries at one point – probably to do what was on his mind – and I let him do that while I mingled with others.

I felt so good. So light. So happy. I was in such a good mood that I ended up singing a little karaoke for everyone and embarrassing myself on the dancefloor with Tali, who really could dance very well. She even tried to teach me, and yeah, it didn’t work, but we still had fun. Ended up only having a couple of beers in total, since I wasn’t too keen on being blazingly drunk at all.

A couple of hours passed by and the party was dying down at this point. While it had been a little awkward in the beginning, it turned out to actually be a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Garrus had been away ever since he headed over to the main batteries, the doors locked and everything. I wondered what he was doing in there, but it seemed to be something he needed to be alone for.

I decided to help Gardner clean up the mess from this party. Empty bottles, dirty dishes – I did it all. I even assured him that I could finish so he could get some leave. That he appreciated and I was soon alone in the mess hall. I kept humming to myself as I cleaned up everyone’s mess. Didn’t sing out loud in case I woke someone up. A really old love song from Earth. Adagio. Super-difficult to sing, but I tried none the less silently to myself.

Then out of the blue while I was filling the dishwasher, because turians were sneaky like cats, I was embraced from behind. I realized who it was immediately and leaned into the touch.

“Hey.” I greeted with a smile.

And then the smell hit me. Different alcohols had a certain smell to them. Human liquor tended to smell and taste disgustingly sweet. The smell that came from Garrus was first of all extremely strong. It was also just spicy, like it had strong herbs. I knew it was horosk right away and immediately became concerned. If I had any doubts about it being horosk, then the twisted bottle in his hand told me that it was.

“Are you all right?” I asked and turned around to look at him.

One drank horosk as a palate cleanser, as a challenge, or to get drunk as fast as possible for any given reason. We hadn’t eaten anything and I hadn’t challenged him to drink it. This was emotional drinking. He tried to smile to assure me that all was fine, but he couldn’t hold it together. It quickly changed out to him shaking his head to tell me that he, in fact, was anything but fine. Fuck these dishes. Garrus was falling apart in front of me and that fact alone concerned me a lot.

“Let’s go up and talk.” I told him and he nodded in agreement.

We walked into the elevator together and rode it up to my loft. Kept it silent. What I definitely did do was take the bottle of horosk from him. He didn’t need to drink anymore of that tonight. We got down the stairs in my loft and he sat on my couch and stared blankly out in front of him. Should I have called Mordin or Karin in to check him over? He was just drunk, so I guess nothing was wrong with him physically.

Then he just broke down. He brought his hands to his face and started to keen. I’d seen him apprehensive and nervous about my reaction before, but I’d never seen him downright sad and broken like this before. The alcohol probably fueled these feelings for him, and I wasn’t sure what I could to do to help him out right now. So I went the human route and sat right next to him. Wrapping my arms around him, he managed to hold himself together enough to take his hands away and grab onto me.

“Hey… what’s going on?” I asked softly and soothingly.

“I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about what you said on Illium. About contacting family. I called my dad.” He told me.

He was insanely drunk, there was no denying that. Slurring his words and speaking kinda slowly. But I understood that what I said made a bigger impact on him then I first thought it would. Pushing him to talk to his family wasn’t my goal with my story at all, though I couldn’t deny that I didn’t mind it. Though him getting himself into a drunken stupor told me that it hadn’t gone too well.

“Okay. What happened?” I asked calmly.

“He was angry. He yelled at me. Then he just hung up. I just thought that we could talk it out and fix things between us, but I guess I was wrong.” He sadly retold.

Why would his dad do that? Something had to have happened that he wasn’t telling me about because he was as insanely drunk as he was. Garrus’ dad was a little controlling with his son, but I didn’t think he hated him. He was just worried about him and couldn’t help but be controlling because of it. Not that it made it okay, of course. Maybe something had happened previously that I didn’t know about. I decided to ask.

“When was the last time you talked to him before today?” I wondered, trying to see if I could understand what had happened better.

“I called him on that bridge on Omega right before you came. I didn’t think I was gonna make it. I just wanted to make amends before I died, you know? Then you showed up in front of me, so I hung up on him.” He answered.

And he was a turian, so he would have told his dad exactly what was going on while being under fire. Recording your last words – a very turian thing to do. It wasn’t exactly the same, though it was close enough for me to understand that his dad might have been led to believe that Garrus actually had died on that bridge. We even made sure everyone knew Archangel was dead. If his dad knew or suspected he was Archangel…

It made sense and I believed his dad had a good reason to be angry. I also firmly believed that his anger only came from shock and not actual rage. Because if Garrus did something like that to me… I would have punched him hard on the nose. Made sure he felt it. But he was drunk and sad, and so I told him what I believed more gently, and I didn’t care if he thought I was lecturing him right now.

“That’s almost two months ago. You didn’t let your dad know that you survived until now? He was probably just extremely worried about you being alive at all, Garrus.” I told him gently, though still sternly.

He nodded, because he understood that I probably was right. “Maybe. I know I should have told him sooner. We fought pretty bad before I left C-Sec and the Citadel. With what we’re doing, I just wanted to make amends before we take this potential one-way trip.”

Yeah. I mean, I had talked about this when we were on Illium. He had been inspired and done it with his dad, and he got a reaction he didn’t expect. Or maybe he did, but hoped for something else. I wanted him to make amends with his dad. However painful it would be to not have him here, he deserved that. So I offered it up to him.

“I get that. If you want to go home, you can. You don’t owe me anything.” I assured him.

He looked at me shocked and hurt by what I had said. “You want me to leave?”

I forgot he was wasted out of his mind for a second. I chuckled to myself and smiled while shaking my head ‘no.’ That was not what I said at all. I took his face in my hands and made him look at me as I spoke very slowly and very clearly. No misunderstandings here, drunk out of his mind or otherwise.

“Hey… you’re extremely drunk on horosk right now, but try to listen. I’m saying that if you have to go home and if you want that, then you can. I do not want you to leave, but I would understand if you needed to.” I said.

“No, I don’t wanna leave. I just wish that… fuck, I don’t even know.” He assured me feeling conflicted.

“You want to see him.” I offered up and he immediately nodded.

“Yeah. Talk face to face. But I don’t wanna disrupt the mission.” He said.

Then this was a golden opportunity, wasn’t it? We were here for a week. That was enough time for him to visit his family and come back before we had to continue on saving the galaxy.

“Well… we’ll be docked here for a week for shore leave and upkeep. I couldn’t drop you off by ship just because we’re on a Cerberus vessel, but there are shuttles going to Palaven from here. If you want to visit and stay for a couple of days then you can. That won’t disrupt the mission at all.” I assured him with a smile.

“Really?” He asked kinda excitedly.

“Yes, really.” I assured him again.

“Would you come with me?” He asked.

Going back to Palaven. Going back to Palaven with Garrus. Yeah, I really wanted to. I often longed to go back. While I still found it weird to feel like this, I felt like I had a connection to that planet. It was home to me, in a sense. Of course I wanted to go with him. It would even be safe for me to do so, since my upgraded body could make sure my body was safe from the radiation.

But however much I wanted to accept right away, there was one thing that held me back from immediately doing that. He wanted me to come visit his dad. Garrus had mentioned something two years ago and it stood out to me like a sore thumb right now.

“I’ve wanted to go back for a long time. But is that such a good idea? You said yourself that your dad wouldn’t like me.” I pointed out to him.

My drunken man looked at me and processed what I just said. He knew that was the case himself, but there was a reason why he asked me to come with him. That damned emotional support again. The one I liked him asking me for. The one that I wanted him to keep on asking me for. He wanted me to come, but he actually also needed me to come with him to see his dad.

“You need me there for support.” I said, filling in the blanks Garrus was too drunk to provide.

“Yeah.” He nodded out.

His dad hadn’t seemed unreasonable when Garrus spoke about him. He seemed a little rigid and stuck to the rules, but not aggressive or mean in any way. We had the same ideas about unlimited power, none of us thinking that was a good thing to have. Maybe he was a little overbearing with Garrus, but that was something he could rectify.

Meeting the in-laws. Meeting the turian in-laws. While I had met Fedorian before, that had been a completely different setting. This would be the first in-laws I ever met as someone’s other, and I wanted to make a good impression.

Best case scenario, his dad could look past me being a Spectre and we got along great as we got to know each other. Worst case scenario, he didn’t want to talk to me at all. That would sting, but I could handle that if it meant that Garrus would get some closure. However I looked at it, I felt like the positives outweighed the negatives, just because I really wanted to go to Palaven.

Maybe this also could be my chance to apologize to Fedorian. While I bet he still hated me, I wanted to let him know that I didn’t take his son dying lightly. All I could do was apologize for going after him. Getting some unfinished business solved for myself… yeah, that sounded good to me. And so I nodded to myself.

“All right. Let’s go to Palaven. Let me just talk to Miranda quickly to let her know that I’m stepping off the ship. We’ll pack and leave tomorrow after your gene therapy session. I also think you need to sleep off the alcohol before we travel.” I told him.

“That’s a good idea. I’ll let dad know, too.” Garrus agreed drunkenly.

“Yes. You definitely should. Stay here. I’ll be right back.” I said and left.

I saw him work on his omni-tool briefly before I made my way down to Miranda. The conversation with her took five minutes. I gave her no details of what we would be doing, just that I was stepping off the ship. I didn’t think she needed to know everything. She assured me it was no problem, and so I went back up with a smile on my face.

Palaven. Cipritine. The Danori Spires and what they looked like against the sunset. Fuck, I actually couldn’t wait to go back.

I walked down to the couch again and saw Garrus starting to slump over. Now, I knew he didn’t want to sleep next to me because it felt weird and because he didn’t trust himself. But right now I needed him to agree with me. He was just so drunk. The last thing I wanted was for him to be alone, especially also because of what he told me had happened.

My one hand went to his face as gently as it could. It startled him a little but as he realized it was just me he calmed down and looked at me. That insanely drunken haze was gone from his eyes. He just looked extremely tired right now and his voice was flatter. I needed to make sure he had told his dad and that I got him to bed to sleep it off.

“Hey… did you talk to your dad?” I softly asked.

“Yes. He said it’s fine.” Garrus answered.

“Good. Listen, I think you should sleep next to me in bed tonight. Not for sex, I just… I’m worried and I wanna watch over you. You’re very drunk right now and you’re passing out on the couch.” I explained and hoped he would say yes.

“Yeah. I would like that.” He immediately agreed.

That calmed me down. I could watch over him and make sure he was all right. There was a chance I would fall asleep before him, but at least I would feel him move if he did for some reason. With how drunk he was, I also settled on just getting into bed with him right away. I could just sleep in my underwear and this laced top I was wearing.

We got up and headed over to the bed. I picked up two pillows and immediately handed them to him. He would sleep on the side closest to the couch while I slept closest to the wall.

“Here are two pillows. I’ll take the last one.” I told him.

He settled them down, got under the covers, and then he apparently got curious about something. “Why do you get three pillows? You really would only need one. You’re tiny.”

“I move around a lot in my sleep. Two of them are so I always have a pillow under my head.” I answered him as I took my jeans off and got into bed next to him, keeping a respectful distance.

“I don’t remember you moving around a lot when I slept next to you.” He noted out loud.

“No, I always slept very well next to you.” I admitted.

“What’s the third one for?” He wondered.

“For other things.” I mumbled out.

“Is it that embarrassing?” He chuckled out and looked at me.

Yes. It actually was very embarrassing to talk about out loud. It was one of the few things that kept me from not moving around too much. It also made me very able to sleep more soundly. I didn’t answer, though, and it only fueled his curiosity.

“Oh it is, isn’t it? Come on. Tell me.” He said as he poked me multiple times, like a kid bothering someone for attention.

“I cuddle with it, all right?” I admitted sheepishly.

“Aww, I’m sorry, softy. You can have your cuddle-pillow back.” He chuckled out lovingly.

Ha, ha. Joke’s on him because I didn’t need it when I slept next to him. Fuck, I felt like a kid for cuddling with a pillow. But it helped me sleep. So why not, right?

“Or you could just cuddle with me.” He suddenly offered up.

I looked at him. “Really?”

“Get your ass over here, woman. Preferably before I pass out from horosk.” He said and extended his arm out towards me.

I didn’t waste time. My head was on his arm before his sentence ended. It didn’t seem like he had enough energy to wrap this extended arm around me, but that was okay. I wrapped an arm over him and he definitely held onto that.

While this was nice, it was weird to do this fully clothed. He had changed to his N7 hoodie and a pair of loose and comfortable looking pants, and while they were soft to the touch, it felt a little unpersonal to sleep like this. I wouldn’t ask him to undress, but I could offer it up without it being weird.

“Do you usually sleep in your clothes?” I asked him.

“I like sleeping naked. On the Normandy I sleep in shorts. They’re not here, though.” He answered.

“If you want to take off some clothes then you can. I don’t mind.” I told him.

“Sounds like you’re trying to get me naked.” He noted after humming in thought.

I chuckled. “Of course I wanna get you naked. Right now I was thinking about your comfort, though.”

“I’ll take my top off if you take yours off.” He offered up.

“All right.” I answered.

That was only fair, wasn’t it? This top was a body, though it luckily had buttons in the groin. Meant that it was easy to get out of the way if one had to pee. I was left topless and so was he, and then I settled back down on his arm.

“Are you happy now?” He teased.

“Yeah. Have I ever told you that you smell so incredibly good?” I asked after taking a deep breath.

“No. Do you really think I smell good?” He curiously asked, like he just hadn’t heard me tell him that he did.

“You’re my favorite smell in the galaxy.” I admitted.

He purred happily for a moment, like he appreciated hearing that. Then he decided to brighten the mood through his drunkenness after chuckling to himself.

“Hm. You might not think that anymore if I fart under the covers.” He noted.

“Way to ruin the mood, big guy.” I noted after chuckling myself.

Chapter Text

I woke up so incredibly well-rested. Glancing at Garrus, he had woken up before me and he had the same look on his face, too. Woke up to his arms around me running his hands lovingly up and down my arms. God, this was bliss. I couldn’t wait to wake up like this every day. No hangover either, which blew my mind with how drunk he had been, though he did drink a lot of water after he got out of bed.

I was also happy that he hadn’t farted even once under the covers while I was awake.

I got dressed in sweats and a hoodie. We had a tight schedule today. While shuttles often went to Palaven, I think the both of us just wanted to get going as fast as possible. First I would join his gene therapy session and then we would have to pack. After that, we would just leave and catch the first shuttle. Because we were going to fucking Palaven today.

Palaven. Oh, man. I was excited to go back. I felt giddy and like I couldn’t sit still at all. In a lot of ways, I felt like I was coming home. And that made no sense, because I wasn’t born there. I had only been there for one year and I was only on the military base. Hadn’t even seen the capital city. Still I felt a sense of belonging there, and therefore I wanted to go back.

But gene therapy was up first so we went into Mordin’s lab together. Garrus got on a bed in there and Mordin started to work on him. Just to be a dick, I tried to tell the lamest jokes I knew to see if he would laugh hysterically. He didn’t laugh for a long time. It wasn’t until I went the science route that Garrus started to break. The one that did it was so lame. How much does it cost a neutron to buy groceries? No charge. Even Mordin had to smile at that one, and I think it was him reacting to it that sent Garrus into a maniacal laugh.

As he begged me to stop with the lame jokes, I felt curious about who I would be meeting. I knew I would meet his dad, mom and sister. One of them would hate me just because I was a Spectre. Still I hoped his dad would be able to see past it when we got to know each other more. I also realized I knew nothing about them at all. What were their names, and such? This would be the first parents I would ever meet properly and I wanted to be prepared with their names at the very least.

“Tell me more about your family. Who will I be meeting? How old are they?” I asked.

“You’ll be meeting dad and my sister. Dad’s name is Castis and he’s 51. Retired C-Sec Officer. My sister’s name is Solana and she’s fourteen. Still in school.” He answered.

Castis and Solana Vakarian. Good and strong names. I knew Castis was retired, just because I had read about it. It surprised me to learn that Solana was as young as she was. I gathered they would be closer in age, but that was no matter. She was a teenager and would go into the military when she turned 15 – the equivalent of being 18 on Earth.

But there was one person missing there. I was sure he had told me that his parents were married at one point. They were also bonded and turians bonded for life. Why wouldn’t I be meeting his mom?

“What about your mom?” I asked.

What met me was silence as Garrus tried to collect himself. Not an uncomfortable one, but rather a sad one, and his sudden keening only fueled the sad feelings accompanying it. Gene therapy only made it worse, of course. There was a story there and it wasn’t a good one at all. Something was wrong and I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to dig into it.

“Her name is Valeria and she’s also 51. She’s not home.” He answered silently.

“She’s sick, isn’t she?” Slipped out of me.

“Yes. She has Corpalis syndrome. I don’t know if you know anything about it, but it’s a serious illness with little to no hope of recovery.” He explained sadly.

I had heard about Corpalis syndrome. It caused severe neurological degeneration and only affected turians. No cure, of course, thought treatments could slow it down. Judging by how silent he had become from me mentioning his mom, it was clear that they were close and that she was seriously ill at this point in time. Seeing and hearing him sound so sad was difficult. Knowing that she was in such a hopeless situation broke my heart.

“I’m sorry, Garrus. I didn’t mean to be pushy with this.” I apologized.

“It’s okay. It’s just difficult to talk about. I’m closer with my mom than I am with my dad. If you’ve been wondering why I’m broke, then it’s because her treatments are expensive. There’s also an experimental treatment the salarians are working on. That’s even more expensive and difficult to get her into. I’ve been trying to get her into it for a long time. Sent letters, offered donations, but it’s not happening.” He explained defeated.

“I know it’s not the same situation I’ve been in, but I understand the despair you must be feeling over that. Thank you for telling me about it. Is there anything I can do to help you with this?” I asked and hoped he would say yes.

“I don’t even know what that would be.” He answered with a shrug.

Well… maybe I did. There was a former STG person in the room with us. A brilliant and well-respected doctor. He was even standing right there and I was sure he had been listening in. The thing about Mordin was that while he was familiar with listening in and working like I had a couple of years ago, he needed some initiative to get going. What did that mean? He would say ‘yes’ whenever you asked him to do something if he could do it. He just needed to be asked before he did it.

Besides, what did we have to lose by asking? Things were hopeless right now for them. They couldn’t get more hopeless. Valeria was destined to die right now. Maybe this treatment would be what was needed to stop her from dying. And if it turned out to be what was needed for her to get better, then why the fuck wouldn’t we try?

“Mordin, you’ve been listening in on our conversation. Do you know about this experimental treatment?” I asked him.

“Yes. Familiar with it.” He confirmed.

“Do you know of a way to get Valeria accepted into it? Are there any strings we could pull?” I wondered.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me. “Yes. Could offer STG clearance to new security systems. Collector tissue samples. Would have to be moved to where treatment is.”

“Is pulling strings something you’re comfortable doing? If you are, then… would you?” I asked.

“Yes. Can maybe have costs waived, too. Extra challenge. Would suggest having security. Already told Garrus this.” He answered.

So Garrus had already asked Mordin about help regarding this. It seemed like he was more than willing to pull strings, but he said he needed security to be able to do it. There was the caveat I knew Garrus couldn’t do anything about himself. Money. That’s why he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. He was broke – he just told me himself.

Garrus said he didn’t know what I could do to help him out, but I now knew what that was: The security in case Mordin couldn’t get the costs waived. It was a click away on my omni-tool and I would do it. I was a little too rich for my own liking. Helping Garrus out with this felt right.

“How much are we talking?” I wondered.

“To be safe? Five million.” Mordin answered.

The last time I checked my accounts, I had 20 million lying there. I hadn’t checked it in a long time after that and I was sure there was more there now. Five million would only be 25 percent of what I had in my account. I hated that I had the privilege to think about it like that. That was a lot of credits. But that was credits I had and that I would happily spend if it meant Valeria had a chance. Good cause and all that. Besides, I wanted to help my best friend out with this.

“No problem. Transferring it to you now. Just send Garrus an update when you know more. One more thing. You’re doing this on behalf of him, not me. He’s been working harder than me to get his mom into this.” I said with a smile and transferred the amount to Mordin.

“Credits received. Understand.” He answered.

“Mika!” Garrus exclaimed and I realized he had been trying to get my attention for a while now.

“Yes?” I said.

“What are you doing?” He asked shocked.

“Making sure your mom has a chance to battle this.” I answered.

“That’s too much. I can’t ever repay you for that.” He said while shaking his head.

“Did I ask you to repay me for this? This isn’t a favor. This isn’t me trying to buy your affection or friendship. You’re my best friend and you’re hurting. You’re stuck trying to help your mom. I’m doing this because I want to help you and Mordin says he’s willing to pull strings. My mom is dead. I have the assets and if this can help so you maybe don’t have to experience the same, then why wouldn’t I help you out?” I answered sternly.

I meant every word of what I said. I even meant the sternness surrounding them. Thinking that this was a favor made me angry. It was so very far from being a favor. This was just me helping my best friend out. Of course I would help him out when I had the means to do so and I certainly didn’t want anything in return. If he absolutely wanted to do something for me, then he could buy me a Drossix Blue on Palaven.

But the emotion was a little too much for Garrus, because gene therapy was fun like that. He both keened and purred at the same time and struggled to hold it together. It became clear that he was thankful for me helping him out with this. I didn’t really need that either. Helping him out with this just felt like a natural thing to do. I was sure he would do the same for me if the situation was reversed.

“Thank you.” He managed to say.

“It’s okay. Calm down.” I assured him.

“Damn, exactly how loaded are you?” He tried to joke out.

I shrugged. “However disgusting I’m sure this is gonna make me sound, let’s just say that I’m not gonna notice five million missing.”

“You’re crazy.” He decided.

“Well. Killing people is a well-paying job.” I answered with a smile.

Gene therapy only took a couple of more minutes after that. Mordin then did some sort of test that I thought was an allergy test. After looking at the results he smiled, nodded to himself, and went back to his terminal to start pulling strings.

“One more session when you get back.” He told Garrus.

“All right. Thanks, Mordin. Both for this and for pulling strings.” Garrus thanked him.

That extreme emotion from gene therapy left as soon as he was done, but he was still filled with emotion in the elevator ride. I got another hug and another very thankful thank you for helping him. Damn it, I still didn’t need it, but I assured him that it was no problem at all. He then walked out on the third floor to pack and I took the elevator up to my loft to do the same.

He knew I wanted to go now. I decided to take a shower and even used my vanilla sugar scrub to pamper myself. I remembered it being hot on Palaven. Most houses had AC in them, but there was no denying the fact that turians liked it being hotter than humans did. That meant lighter clothing. Shorts were packed, I brought jeans, and so were a lot of tank tops and underwear. I even brought a dress. This was just a casual long one and not a revealing or sexy one.

The shuttle ride over to Palaven would take a few hours, but I still dressed for Palaven. A tank top, a pair of those short shorts and sneakers. Even put a baseball cap on, because I was sure Trebia would be hanging high in the air and cook my eyes to shit if I didn’t. Tied a hoodie around my hips in case it would be cold on the shuttle ride.

I packed a pillow. Turian bedrolls were just way too big for my human head. Then I thought about weapons. Would I bring my weapons? I could carry, just because I was a Spectre. I wouldn’t bring them just to flaunt that, though. Solana was fourteen. Maybe she would want to try out my weapons at one point. That wouldn’t be weird in a militaristic society. Why not go for it, right? I brought my Viper, Black Widow, M-5 and talon, though kept them in their cases in a second bag.

I ended up with two bags, one with clothes and one with weapons. As I met Garrus by the airlock we got on the first shuttle heading to Cipritine. I paid for our tickets happily and we sat down for the couple hours long trip we had ahead of us. Damn, I hadn’t been in a public shuttle for a long time. This was a big one, where we had an actual private room for the two of us. It was relaxing, clean and comfortable.

According to my calculations, we would arrive in the afternoon. Around dinner-time, basically. Castis could cook. I wondered if I would be allowed to taste his food. Even me eating turian food had to be weird to everyone there, but that kind of staring I could accept. Another conversation-starter, basically.

Garrus looked to be nervous about the whole thing. I could understand that. He would meet his father again and it sounded like they hadn’t talked ever since their fight after I died. Though there also seemed to be a little excitement in him, too. Like he was looking forward to it more than he realized himself. I didn’t know if he had a strong connection to Palaven, but it kinda looked like he did.

Damn. I really looked forward to this a lot. My translator was already off and I wouldn’t put it on until we came back to the ship. Just being down there and seeing Cipritine would feel great. Getting some culture imprints directly would be awesome. But even if I did, there were some nerves connected to the whole thing. I also had some questions about how I should act to not be disrespectful. It was different when I was in the exchange program. People knew I would fuck up and be a weird human. Now I would be in their city. Lucky for me I was going with a turian. Why not just ask him?

“Anything I should know, with regards to culture?” I asked.

“That really depends on what you’re referring to.” He answered.

“Well, with regards to us.” I elaborated, still not sure what to call us.

Human-turian relations. Sex happened and seemed to be accepted, though relationships were rare. I wasn’t too sure if I’d ever heard of a serious one outside the ones I had experience with. Even if I didn’t care what people thought about it, I didn’t want to be blatantly rude while visiting. What I needed to know was what I could do without anyone looking at us weird or us getting into trouble.

“I know humans can be very public about their relationships. Holding hands, kissing, stuff like that. Turians really aren’t, unless they’re exclusive or bonded. Even then it’s pretty tame. Flirting happens, but it’s more direct. You know how this works.” He told me.

“Would we get into trouble for doing anything like that?” I wondered.

“With the law? No, it’s not illegal. These are social expectations. We would get a lot of weird looks. Some may be disapproving. If someone recognized me, they could also inform my dad.” He noted like it was nothing.

But that was a bombshell in my mind. It sounded like he said that people would try to get Garrus into trouble by being seen with a human woman. While I didn’t care if people stared or disapproved, and what we were doing wasn’t illegal, I didn’t want to drag Garrus through the dirt on purpose. Fuck, maybe going there was a bad idea, after all.

“Are you serious? Is your dad like a local celebrity or something?” I joked out.

He nodded and shrugged at the same time. “Yeah, kinda. Vakarian is a somewhat known name. He was a good C-Sec investigator. Always on the news. It’s not like people go up to him all the time, but they do know who he is. He never cared about that, though. He’s not shallow, I’ll give him that.”

Right. And that didn’t calm me down either. Now I needed the whole deal to what would happen. How would people react to us being seen together? Would his dad just not approve by default because I was a human? Would they contact his dad just to try and drag Garrus or to just inform him of what was going on?

“Wait, exactly how would people react to us?” I asked.

Garrus spent time thinking about the answer to that one. A thoughtful pause, making sure he saw everyone’s side. I loved that about him. If I asked for his opinion on something, then he made sure he gave me a levelled answer, both good and bad. But I didn’t know if it calmed me down or made me even more nervous now. Now it felt like his dad would hate this right away and I didn’t want to be the reason for a breach between him and his family.

“People will stare. One thing is public affection without being bonded or exclusive. Another thing is just the fact that you’re a human. Human-turian sex happens and most are okay with that, but relationships? I think the first one I ever heard about was you and Nihlus. Then you and Vitorius. Now this thing we’re doing. Humans do come to Palaven, but they’re rare. They will wonder why you’re there. And never mind that they’re rare, you’re not in an eviro-suit. People will look at you weird for that alone.” He answered me.

And while that was a well-rounded answer, he hadn’t really told me what to do. I needed to know if I could hold his hand, give him a hug, give him a kiss – turian or human. I wouldn’t if it would be considered rude. We had talked about being exclusive, but he was referring to marks on the neck. I wasn’t too sure if Garrus cared, but I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes. His dad’s mostly, of course.

“I can handle people staring at me. But you’re saying I should keep my hands off you?” I asked.

“No. Call me a bad turian for it, but I really don’t care about old-fashioned expectations. Most young people don’t, but most of them also respect their elders. I do, too, but only to a certain extent. If I want to hold your hand, then I will. You’re also welcome to do the same. People can stare at us all they want for all I care.” He answered assuredly.

I was right. He didn’t care at all. But I realized that he didn’t really answer what I really wanted to know. My fault, of course, because I dreaded the potential answer I would get by asking the question, so I hadn’t asked it directly yet.

“I don’t necessarily care about random people, Garrus. Would your dad or sister care? I don’t want to be disrespectful towards them.” I clarified.

Yet again he became deep in thought and that just made that big pit in my stomach get a lot bigger right away. He wanted to give me the respect of a serious and honest answer. I appreciated it, but meeting his dad just seemed more and more like a bad idea the more he respected me with a thoughtful answer.

“Difficult to answer. Dad lived on the Citadel for over thirty years. He isn’t really old-fashioned like that and he’s not a xenophobic man, but he can be… opinionated. Solana definitely wouldn’t care. She’s been on the Citadel enough times to know that the really old-fashioned ways of doing things are dying with the older generation of people. It’s just the stubborn older generation on Palaven that can be a tough crowd. They can certainly be opinionated about certain topics.” He answered thoughtfully and honestly.

“Like humans in general.” I suggested.

“Yes. First Contact bullshit. Don’t let it get to you. You can easily kick their asses if they get rude. Though they won’t get rude, because turians usually are extremely polite. They’ll just give you the disapproving eye from the side.” He told me.

Maybe this was a worse idea than I thought it would be. It just sounded like people would look at me weird and treat me with fake politeness. I could handle the curious stares. Why is there a human here? What is she doing here? Why isn’t she wearing an enviro-suit? That kind of curiosity was okay. I really didn’t mind that at all. Those were just conversation-starters in my mind.

But the more hostile reactions and stares made me uneasy to think about. Respecting your elders. That was a thing in human culture, too. While elders had lived a long time and had experience the younger people didn’t have, that didn’t necessarily mean that they were right all the damned time. Prejudice and being stuck in a time that was long gone wasn’t healthy for anyone.

“Mika, don’t worry. I know I focused on the negatives, but I can promise you that they won’t be an issue at all.” Garrus said when he realized I was stewing in my thoughts.

“Really?” I carefully asked.

“I can tell you right now that most people will be genuinely welcoming and polite towards you. Maybe they will hold back from talking directly to you, but they will want to because most are just curious. If you start a conversation with someone, then you’ll be talking forever. If you name-drop yourself, then most will be very excited to talk to you. People on Palaven know who you are and the Hierarchy respects the hell out of you. On Palaven, you’re not just a human. You’re Mikaela Shepard. They know you.” He assured me.

Great. A celebrity status on Palaven. I still didn’t like getting recognized. It made me feel weird, like I was way more important than what I truly was. But I guess it could work in my favor. If it meant that people would be interested to talk to me, then I guess me confirming that I indeed was Mikaela Shepard didn’t hurt anything.

While he had calmed some of my worries down with his last rant, I still didn’t feel fully calm. As I thought about why to myself, I realized it was because I was meeting his family. That was just it. I wanted to make a good impression on his family and it sounded like it could go either way. I just had to wait and see. It thankfully didn’t sound like neither Castis nor Solana were prejudice. That was a good thing.

We kept the conversation going between us. I was told to keep my biotics hidden, just because the mistrust surrounding biotics could get weird. He once again said that most turians recognized themselves that they were being biased because of the way the Cabals were used, but that they could have a hard time not being biased. That was okay with me.

We agreed to keep the fact that we were on a Cerberus vessel working with them hidden. That only made sense in my mind. When the Reapers came up between us, I decided that we would not mention them. If people asked about our hunt for Saren, then we would just keep it about him and the geth. Besides, I didn’t want to talk work when I was on my vacation.

Apparently we were having a good time, because time flew by. Soon the green and slightly silvery looking planet that was Palaven could be seen from our window. My heart rate sky-rocketed and Garrus smiled as he heard it. To think that a planet with such a weak metallic core could have so much greenery and life. I would imagine that the radiation would kill the plants, but no, they found a way to survive. They were just as badass as the people who beat the planet into submission were.

Chapter Text

Three days. We decided to sleep here for three days in total. Before we could, I needed to go through security at the port when we landed because I had brought weapons. I totally understood that. A human armed to the teeth visiting another specie’s home planet? Of course that made everyone suspicious.

They looked at my weapons and saw very specific ones modded in very specific ways. It was like they tensed up a little as they saw that, almost like they had a suspicion. As they scanned my ID and saw who I was, the guards were in awe and we ended up in a casual conversation that lasted for a while. I guess Garrus was right. They knew who I was and liked me. I got my weapons back with a smile that I returned, and then we got to step into the capital itself.

First of all, wow it was hot outside. I already knew it was, but I had forgotten just how fucking hot it was here. 30 degrees, though still a very dry heat. That was the only reprieve. Looking around, we were in what looked like the heart of the city. Shops were everywhere – all kinds. Food, clothing, tech, weapons – everything was here. I looked around, eager to take in everything at once while at the same time being not sure about what I was supposed to rest my eyes at. So I decided to look up first.

Trebia hung high in the sky and she was brutal. I noticed she made my scars actively glow, and I guess that had to be the nano bots doing their job to keep me safe. The sky was in a yellow hue, almost like how it was during a sunset, though the sun wasn’t setting at all. Not even a calming breeze was in the air, and I guess that took me back to my time here last. I couldn’t remember the wind ever blowing, though I was sure it sometimes did.

The buildings around us were in muted and earthy tones. Browns, grays, greens – kinda like they were trying to blend into the scenery. They were in geometrical shapes that were interesting to look at. Not completely square and straight up and down, but angled here and there. Most buildings had shielding over them. I wasn’t sure if that was for protection, or if they used that to gather up solar energy. They certainly could, just because the sun was so harsh here. Comm towers were everywhere. It only made sense, really. At least they focused on keeping them at the tops of buildings so they wouldn’t disturb the scenery this city offered.

Because this city was incredibly beautiful. While the muted colors everywhere made things look a little bland and boring, it was on ground-level that things became lively. The ground was paved with whatever material turians used for that. Trees and patches of what I would call grass were neatly planted in squares to liven everything up. Architecturally pretty, but warm and inviting – just like Garrus had said.

There were a lot of people here and I looked around at the ones I could see. Soldiers were everywhere to keep the peace. That wasn’t weird, because this was a militaristic society. The Hierarchy didn’t separate their military from the public. A soldier would be the law enforcement. A military mechanic or plumber would be one for the public. It was an interesting way of doing things, but it certainly worked for them.

The stares started right away and as I caught the eye of some of the people looking at me, Garrus seemed to be right again. They just looked confused and curious about why a human not in an enviro-suit would come to Palaven. It felt like they wanted to ask, but like Garrus said – again – they didn’t want to be rude. I didn’t necessarily want to talk to anyone right now, anyway. Still smiled politely and warmly at the ones that caught my eye, though. I received sheepish smiles back as they were caught staring.

“Cipritine.” I muttered out in awe.

“Welcome back.” Garrus said next to me.

“I’ve never been in the city before. Where should we go?” I wondered.

“I suggest we go home and get it over with.” He suggested tensely.

Go home and get it over with. Meet his dad and sister, basically – the part I both looked forward to and dreaded at the same time. I took a deep breath and followed my man as he headed east.

“All right. Lead the way.” I told him.

Cipritine was a big city, but it felt like we were closer to the eastern exit than I thought we would be. I would’ve thought we would hire a sky-car, but it looked like the walk was a short enough to not need one. After sitting for many hours, I really had nothing against walking. At the entrance to the city was a bar and I smiled as I heard it play Die For The Cause. God, that brought back memories for me. I heard that every single day the last time I was there.

A paved road that was uphill took us further out of the city. Watching the scenery, I was amazed at how recognizable it all seemed. Fields were at my left and right. Fenced in. In my mind, they only lacked cows to be completely right. But they didn’t have cows. They had something else on them that I looked at curiously.

I would call them deer if we were on Earth and they gleamed like silver against Trebia’s unforgiving rays. I stopped to take a better look and so did Garrus. He curiously looked at what I was looking at and ended up taking a zoomed in picture of them with his visor. As he sent it to me, I could really see what I had been staring at.

They were like deer. They even had short antlers on their heads. No fur, just because they would overheat and die if they had it. Carapaces were on their body to protect them against the radiation. Their faces were cool. It looked like they had exposed skulls, though I knew that wasn’t the case at all. They very much reminded me of how turians looked with their plated heads.

Satisfied, we kept moving on. The walk ended up taking twenty minutes, but I soon saw a house at the right side of this paved road. A single story house and the outside was in a tan color that matched the environment. Looked kinda boring from the outside, but that didn’t really matter to me. It also had a fenced in field at the back. None of those deer-looking things were there. What was there was a lot of training dummies and bottles. This had to be where training at home went down.

As we neared it, I immediately noticed the big turian man that stood in front of this house. Big was an understatement – he was actually huge. He was just as huge as Garrus and he was wearing a blue and orange casual outfit. He kept watching his omni-tool while his mandibles flickered a little nervously from his face. This man was intimidating, just because of his sheer size, and yet his nervous expression made him seem almost harmless.

As we closed in on him I saw more details of his face. He looked to be older. Around early to mid-50s in Palaven years, though Garrus told me he was 51. His plates were a little weathered and in a silvery color, and his hide was tan – just like Garrus. I thought his eyes were blue and I understood Garrus had inherited his good looks from his dad. Because there were no doubts in my mind. This was his dad. They looked exactly the same, only Castis looked older.

Castis’ clan markings were in that beautiful Cipritinian blue but had a different design from what Garrus’ were in. Thick streaks went under his eyes and crossed into streaks going along the sides of his face and into his fringe. Those same streaks went down to the base of his mouth, though not over his mandibles. Very simplistic, but still striking in their own way. And even if they were different to what Garrus’ looked like, I could see some similarities between them, especially the part under the eyes.

Garrus walked up in front of his dad. I decided to stay out of the way and behind him for now to let them greet each other properly by themselves.

“Hey, dad.” He greeted nervously and apprehensively.

Castis looked up with the same kind of nervous expression, mirroring the way Garrus had sounded himself. It felt like he wanted to bump crests as soon as he saw his son, but that didn’t happen. His eyes travelled to the heavy bandage on Garrus’ face and he spent one second looking at it confused, before his hand came to his son’s face and turned it sharply to left.

“Spirits, what in the world happened to you?!” Castis demanded.

Wow. He even sounded like an older Garrus. His voice was deeper by default and he missed that twang Garrus sometimes had in his voice, but there was no doubt in my mind. These two were related and it fascinated me so much that they would be so similar on that many levels. If Garrus was nervous about his dad’s reaction, then he had to know that the worry accompanying Castis’ demand proved that he cared for his son. I mean, come on. It was plain to see.

What also surprised me was that Castis’ voice sounded so familiar and I didn’t know why. It was so soothing and nice to listen to. Comforting and steady. Just like a dad sounded like, maybe? I wouldn’t know what that felt like anymore. It tugged something within me but I didn’t know what it was. Could have just been that he sounded like Garrus.

“It’s okay. Just lost a battle with a rocket launcher.” Garrus sheepishly admitted.

“A rock-?! How are you even alive?” Castis demanded again.

“I survived due to two amazing doctors and a very stubborn woman that wouldn’t give up on me.” Garrus chuckled out, still nervously.

I smiled. Mordin and Karin had done a great job. While he didn’t wear his bandage on the ship anymore, he had to wear it while we were here. He had brought what he needed to change his bandage and clean it off. We did it together now, and it felt like Garrus had relaxed his emotions around the scar on his face. He even looked at himself in the mirror now.

I wondered if Castis knew who this very stubborn woman was, though. I never got a reply to the e-mail I sent and I hadn’t updated him with Garrus being alive either. I just thought Garrus had done that. That turned out to be wrong. Their relationship wasn’t my business at all and I didn’t want to meddle in it, but if I had known that Garrus wouldn’t update his dad, then I would have let him know that I had found him and that he was alive.

“Commander Shepard.” He guessed correctly and Garrus nodded.

I guess he already knew that Garrus and I were friends and that it made sense that it had to be me. Maybe the e-mail even crossed his mind. Who else would go out of their way to reach out to family to ask if the most important person in their life was safe? Only a close friend would do that, at least in my mind.

I realized myself that greeting new people wasn’t anything new to me, but this situation certainly was. I was meeting his dad. Did I announce myself now? So far, he hadn’t seemed to notice me being there and right now he was taking deep breaths to calm down and watching Garrus curiously. Why? Had he noticed something? Feeling nervous and unsure of what to do, I started to shuffle my feet and that’s when Castis looked behind Garrus and his blue eyes met my blue eyes.

Now, I was by no means and expert on reading people, but I always knew I was good at it. What I always gathered it came from, was that since I grew up on the streets, had to fend for myself, had been taught by the Reds to con people, and I did work a lot undercover, I believed I more easily was able to read expressions and read into people’s intentions. With that said, I was looking at a man that had worked with the same for longer than I had been alive. Not as a criminal, of course, but rather on the other side as a cop. Castis had probably solved more crimes than people I had conned.

He examined me first, taking in what I looked like. His eyes paused by the side cut showing under my baseball cap, and he cocked his head as he tried to figure out why my hair would look like that. He then spent time eyeing my face, my features, what I was wearing, my body, maybe, before they went back to my eyes. He recognized me, that was sure, and he looked surprised to see me there.

This was the man that Garrus said wouldn’t like me just because I was a Spectre. This was probably the best C-Sec investigator in our time. His poker face was incredibly good and it was almost impossible to read him. What the fuck was he thinking? Was he angry? Didn’t he like me? I guess we hadn’t met properly before, so it would be impossible to know if he liked me or not, though I was a Spectre. That was in the back of my mind all the time.

No, he was eyeing me and trying to figure something out. What, though? Why I was there? I mean, he knew we were coming. What else could it be? Whatever it was, I understood it had to be something he didn’t like. Hidden in his eyes was anger, at least from the smallest reaction he gave. Hadn’t even said ‘hello’ and I had already fucked it up. Well, it wasn’t like I could take him seeing me back. So I took a step forward, smiled and offered up my right hand.

“Hello. I’m Mikaela Shepard. It’s good to finally meet you, Castis.” I greeted and something I said seemed to surprise him.

He shook my hand firmly. “Good to meet you, too, Commander.”

“Mikaela or Shepard is fine. No need to go by titles.” I assured nervously.

His handshake was firm and confident, but that forced out a polite smile told me that he didn’t like me for some reason. He continued to eye me as a silence fell between the three of us. Why this silence? It was awkward, just because I couldn’t read him at all. I had no idea what it was there for or what he wanted me to fill it with.

“I didn’t expect you.” He admitted to me after a few seconds.

I knitted my brows a little in confusion. But Garrus had talked to him yesterday. It was clear that he was expecting him to come back, but it hit me as soon as I looked at Garrus. Expecting him to come back. Had he really not mentioned that I would be coming along? I guess he was beyond drunk last night, but he also really wanted me to come with him. How tense were their relationship that telling him that I would be joining them was weird?

“You didn’t tell your dad that I would be coming along?” I asked Garrus and felt a pained look rise on my face.

Garrus didn’t answer me. He seemed to be glued to the spot and was watching his dad closely. For whatever reason, I didn’t know, but he seemed nervous about something. His dad’s reaction to seeing him? From what I already could tell, Castis cared a lot about his son. He saw his injury and immediately got concerned about what had happened. He also wanted him there and had been nervously standing outside to wait for his son to come back. Of course he cared.

But it became very painfully obvious that Garrus hadn’t mentioned me coming with him. That had to also mean that he hadn’t mentioned him and I being a thing either. That only made sense. Now I understood why Castis was surprised by me coming with him. Why would I join him to visit his family if nothing was going on between us, right? That would be weird.

But trying to explain what was going on inside their heads to myself didn’t help. We were here in this very awkward situation right now. Garrus’ silence meant that Castis answered the question by shaking his head to me. He hadn’t been told I was coming along. I started to chuckle nervously, like I often did when things were weird.

“Okay. This is awkward. I’m so sorry about this situation, Castis. It’s been too long since I last was here on Palaven, though. I’ll go get a hotel room down in the capital.” I apologized and decided.

A small and curious twitch of his mandibles told him that whatever I said interested him. Maybe it was the being here before part. He composed himself quickly and also answered me quickly.

“No, that won’t be necessary. You’re welcome to stay here. I unfortunately don’t have any extra beds, though.” He offered up.

This had to be a test because he hadn’t offered up a place for me to sleep. He also watched me closely, like he was curious about what my answer to that would be. He didn’t have any extra beds but I could still sleep there. Did he want to see if I would suggest sleeping next to Garrus? That had to be me overthinking this, but in case it wasn’t, I played it safe.

“But it sounds like you have a couch?” I carefully pointed out.

“Yes. You’re welcome to sleep on it.” He answered with a curt smile.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” I thanked with a warm smile.

“Why don’t you go put your things inside? I’ll be right there with you.” He said and motioned for the door.

“Sure. Thank you, Castis.” I thanked him politely.

As soon as we walked inside his house and the door closed behind us, Garrus let out a big and nervous breath. However much I wanted to yell at him for not telling his dad that he was bringing me with him, I didn’t do that. Sure, it had been an awkward situation, but it got resolved and he was already nervous enough about coming here. I didn’t need to add to it by being angry. Besides, I wasn’t actually angry.

No, I was replaying this first meeting in my head. What I did want to know, was if I had been weird in any way. Maybe I was a little weird when I understood that Garrus hadn’t mention me coming with him, but that would be expected when I didn’t know myself. Apart from that, I didn’t think I had been. Maybe Castis had picked up on something I had done that made him not like me. Of course, it could just be the part about me being a Spectre… but it seemed so cheap to blame it on that. So I asked.

“Did I say or do something wrong?” I asked Garrus.

“What? No. You handled yourself perfectly. Why do you say that?” He wondered confused.

“Because your dad doesn’t like me.” I pointed out to him.

“My dad doesn’t really like anyone.” He noted with a small smile.

That wasn’t an answer I wanted right now. I didn’t need jokes – I needed him to be serious and answer me seriously. I shook my head to show that I didn’t appreciate jokes and asked again.

“Garrus, please. I’ve never ‘met the parents’ before. Please tell me if I’ve done or said something stupid already.” I said again.

“I promise you haven’t. I once said dad is an acquired taste. My guess is that he’ll want to interrogate you later, though.” He answered seriously.

I rolled my eyes. “Thank you. That makes me feel so much better.”

Sarcastic answer or not, I felt like it was needed in that moment. I looked around to take in what his house looked like. If the outside was supposed to give a promise to what the inside looked like, then it was lying. The feel in here was completely different. This was where Garrus had been raised and that made me immediately like it. I walked around and took a good look.

The house wasn’t big at all, but it was just the right size for four people. We were at the open kitchen and living room area. Nothing about this screamed modern, minimalistic or boring. Kitchen counters with an island was to my left. Cooktop was in the middle of this island and the sink was in the middle of the counters by the wall, overlooking a window. It wasn’t big at all, but it was smartly decorated. And to my happy surprise, it wasn’t sterile white at all. The counters were in a muted steel blue with the same kind of countertops and the accent wall was orange. Colorful and inviting. I immediately loved it.

And something smelled good in here. I gathered that it had to come from whatever was bubbling away in that pot on the cooktop. My mouth immediately watered. I felt like I was in an old cartoon, where the characters would float in the air towards something that smelled good. That’s how good whatever it was in there smelled. Damn, I hoped I could taste it later.

In front of the island was a dining table that would fit six people. Wasn’t sure what material it was made of, but it looked to be some sort of lighter wood. Behind it was cabinets in the same blue that the kitchen was in. It held wine glasses and I guess what would be considered the more fancy cutlery, along with random things people needed.

The right side of this room was the living room area. By the door was a small dresser or a counter and above that was a big window overlooking the way we came from. Castis didn’t have an L-shaped couch. That would take up too much space, anyway. But he had a big three-seater in a dark brown, and it looked like it was suede. A lighter wooden coffee table with an orange rug underneath – which I loved – was in front of it, and opposite to the couch was two very comfortable looking armchairs. Above the couch were pictures. Family photos made up of four people.

Without checking the rest of the rooms out, I could already tell that I loved this house. It just felt like a home. Warm, inviting, fun, and not like something taken straight out from a catalogue. It had personality and character. Someone actually lived here. If this cold feeling passed, then maybe I would feel more at home here, too.

“What do you think?” Garrus wondered curiously.

“I love it. It feels like a home. I’ll bring my weapons cases outside.” I noted and opened the bag that held them.

I kept looking around towards the back of the house, still taking in the sights. There were four rooms there that could only be three bedrooms and a bathroom. At the end of that hallway was a backdoor leading to the fenced in field. It was a glass door – probably to let in natural light. Outside was another person. A woman. A young woman that could really only be one person.

“Is that Solana?” I asked curiously.

Garrus looked towards where I had been looking and confirmed it. “Yeah. That’s Solana.”

I couldn’t see too much detail of what she looked like, but from what I could tell, she had the same tan hide and silvery plates that seemed to run in the family. She was wearing a blue casual outfit that reminded me of a long leather coat with a belt around her waist. It was accented with orange accent pieces – just like her dad.

What was she doing? It looked like she was standing by a crate and readying a weapon. This backyard was a training field, so I guess that made sense. She would enter basic training soon. Garrus had been taught to shoot by his dad, and the same was probably true for Solana. Keen to meet her and take control of the situation this time, I decided to take the lead and introduce myself to her first. So with my cases in hand, I started to head to the backdoor.

“SMG, huh? I’ll go introduce myself.” I muttered to myself.

I opened the door as she was readying her aim. She looked curiously behind herself to see who it was and her clan markings caught my attention first. They were like a simpler version of Garrus’. They had the same streaks under her eyes going over her nose, but there weren’t any Y-shapes on her mandibles. Her eyes were also blue. The family resemblance was a little eerie to look at.

“A human? Who are you?” She wondered.

I smiled an offered up my hand. This was a gesture she was familiar with, because she shook it just as firmly as her dad had done while waiting for me to introduce myself. As she did, I saw her look curiously at my glowing scars.

“I’m Mikaela Shepard. You must be Solana, Garrus’ sister. It’s good to meet you.” I greeted her.

“Oh. You’re her.” She noted flatly and turned around to continue shooting.

Oh, wow. That was cold. I was apparently her. What the fuck did that reaction mean, though? Maybe she remembered me from the letters Garrus had sent home while we were on the old Normandy? Now I wondered what he had been writing in those letters for her to have that kind of reaction to me being there.

She was a teenager and they certainly could be difficult from time to time. I was an adult and would act like one in front of her, though. So I ignored her bitchy comment and tried to see if we could get a conversation going.

“Doing some target practice?” I asked.

“That’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” She noted flatly.

Apparently I wasn’t an adult, because now I was struggling to hold it together. Frustration kept building by her being so flat and bitchy towards me. I didn’t think I deserved it – I hadn’t really done anything other than just show up and say hello – but I swallowed my frustration down as best as I could. Her mom was very ill and it sounded like things were very tough, from what little information Garrus gave me. She was also a teenager. Being bitchy in your teens was nothing new. I wasn’t going to indulge by being bitchy back.

“Okay.” I said through an exhale.

I tried to not sound frustrated, but some of it leaked out. She suddenly stopped shooting and turned around to face me head on with a blank expression. She must have heard me not appreciating her tone, but I wouldn’t say anything about it just yet.

“Why are you here?” She asked me directly.

“I’m here because Garrus invited me to come with him.” I told her.

“Why? Things are difficult enough with mom as it is. We don’t need you here to complicate things further.” She pointed out.

Complicate things further? What was she talking about? How would I make things more difficult for them? I got it – her mom was sick. That had to be heartbreaking and difficult. But Garrus hadn’t told anyone that we were dating. Since that was the case, then why did me being there complicate things for everyone?

“Yes. He told me about your mom. I… I don’t know what to say. I hope Valeria-” I started, but was cut off immediately.

“Save it. It’s Corpalis. She won’t get better. Not unless a miracle happens.” She said sourly.

Solana secured her SMG, placed in in its case on a crate and headed inside by the backdoor. Watching her, slightly stunned, I saw her greet her brother with a turian kiss. It didn’t seem too loving or caring, and that told me that they weren’t too close. The age gap could have something to do with that. They spoke for a few seconds, though short ones. Castis then entered through the front door and I moved my eyes back to the crate in front of me.

What the fuck had I walked into by coming here? Two people already hating me for just existing. Apparently I made things more difficult for everyone, and I had no idea why. I should have just insisted that I got a hotel room in the capital or let Garrus know that I didn’t want to come here at all. That would be me lying, of course. I very much wanted to be here.

Garrus walked out the backdoor after a few minutes and looked at me. He could see something was wrong and just waited for me to explain what it was at this point. After taking a deep breath, I did.

“Your sister doesn’t like me either.” I told him.