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Chapter Text

The PostDoc

Stanford Pines was not in the mood to deal with the pounding on his door. He groaned and looked at his watch on his bedside table.

“It’s already one? How long did I sleep in?”

Whoever was out there was persistent. They were still knocking.

Maybe they would go away. He counted to ten. 

When the knocking persisted, he sighed and got out of bed.

He opened the door of his cabin to see a young woman- short, chubby, not very prepossessing, dark bushy hair, large round glasses, and badly dressed in a green  jumpsuit and a denim jacket. Not that he was one to judge in terms of looks.

“Hello, sir! Are you Stanford Pines?”

Ford adjusted his glasses. “Unfortunately, it appears that I am. May I help you?”

“Oh, right! My name is Aggie Davis. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you, did you get my telegram, or my letters?”

Ford tried not to look at the large stack of mail on his table and coughed uncomfortably. “They must have gotten lost in the mail.”

Aggie shrugged. “I guess so. I’ve been writing to you to ask if you needed a research assistant- I just finished my postdoc, and I’ve heard about your recent breakthroughs here- and if I could be so bold, I read your recent paper on electron transfer and physical translation- it’s breathtaking.”

Ford chuckled. “Oh, that? I’ve moved on to…other subjects. I’m currently working on a new project on anomalies. It’s probably not what you came here for.”

Aggie furrowed her brow. “No, I suppose it isn’t. What kind of anomalies- biological? Or more partial physics or mathematics- I know you’re an expert in all of those. My work was mostly in theoretical physics and engineering, but I did dabble in some astrobiology.”

Ford raised his eyebrows at that. “Really? Those certainly aren’t well trodden areas of study, who was your thesis advisor? I probably know them.”

“Dr. Rick Sanchez?”

Ford cringed at the name. Arrogant bastard. Had only two more PhDs than Ford, and kept rubbing it in any time he saw him at a conference- though now those were few and far between. Always showed up drunk anyway.

“ I was working with him on my thesis until…well, you know.”

“I don’t. I haven’t gotten out of the house much lately.” Ford admitted.

“Oh? Well, his wife and daughter died. Some sort of gas leak in their garage or something. He didn’t take it well and just took off. No one knows where he’s gone.” Aggie replied.

Ford snorted. “Good riddance.” 

He saw the look of horror on the girl’s face and immediately felt sheepish. “I mean, it’s probably for the best, I’m sure he’s doing what he can to cope.”

“I guess. It’s a shame he had to leave before my defense though. The professors in my committee couldn’t make heads or tails of my thesis.”

By now, Ford would have found an excuse to close the door on this girl. He’d already done that to the OSI, Cognito Inc, and most governments. But he had to admit, he was a little curious. And that would always be his downfall.

“What was it on?”

“Cross-dimensional travel through electromagnetic portals.”

Ford’s head snapped up as he stared at her in shock. 

How?

Did his muse send her here, right when he needed help?

“It’s all theoretical for now, Rick said he was close to perfecting the formula when…”

“You’re hired.”

Aggie blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Come in, we have so much we need to get started on. I have all of these equations, all of these designs- but this is one of the few areas I’m lacking in the right expertise.” Ford ushered her into the house, noting the girl’s surprise at their surroundings.

“Oh, I thought there would be more of an interview process.” She looked around the house. “I see you’ve been busy.”

Ford waved his hand dismissively. “Perhaps I need to tidy up a bit, but that can be dealt with later. Now, let’s start with the basics.” He ushered her to his study and pulled out his journals. 

“Here are the schematics for a portal I’ve been working on. The problem is, I’m stuck. I have the materials- mostly, and I have the knowledge as to how to put it together, but I’m stuck as to…”

“How to get it to work?” Aggie asked in amusement.

Ford huffed. “I wouldn’t put it that way. I called a friend of mine from college over to help me with this project, have you heard of Fiddleford McGucket?”

“I think so…he’s one of those guys trying to get into the personal computers market, right?”

Ford nodded. “Personally, I think it’s a flash in the pan. Who cares about entertaining the masses? There’s nothing those things can do other than act as a glorified typewriter that plays games. They’re useful for running some programs, but they’re only  interesting if you have access to the Internet- though I doubt CERN is letting go of that anytime soon.”

“We had access to the ARPANET over at West Coast Tech,” Aggie noted. 

Ford tried to keep his composure, but he felt his lips press together in a thin line. “Is that where you completed your thesis?”

“I went all the way through!” Aggie replied cheerfully. “I was a WCT Achievement Scholar. I got one of those full rides they gave out at those dorky science fairs- I know what you’re going to say, I didn’t get in the ‘real way,’ like the other kids did, but it was the only way I could have gone to college.”

Ford didn’t know what to say to that, but tried not to blow up at the girl in front of him. It was irrational, but he didn’t know how he could take sitting in front of someone who had won his dream and was treating it with such disdain.

“What do you mean the real way ?”

Aggie blushed. “Oh, you know. The legacies think the scholarship kids are there because we’re just tax breaks to the school and we’re taking away a space from someone more deserving- or just being a waste of their tuition money. I’ve heard it all- especially those saying I’m single-handedly letting some kid die in Vietnam by taking away their seat.”

Ford frowned. “Did they say that because you were a scholarship student or because…”

“I’m a woman? Probably both. Definitely got a lot of weird comments about how I shouldn’t think I can get an MRS degree or whatever. Jerks.” Aggie grumbled. She shook her head. “But I graduated summa cum laude, so look who’s laughing now. Can you move those plans closer? There’s something weird about them.”

“How so?” Ford asked. He felt something itching in his brain the more he stared at the designs he had drawn in the journals. He couldn’t remember if he had drawn them…or if Bill had.

“These symbols…where are they from? They don’t look like they’re from Earth.”

“Have you been to other planets?” Ford asked. 

“Once or twice. I don’t recommend it.” Aggie replied darkly. “But this writing, it’s not like anything I’ve seen before, it looks ancient.”

“It is!” Ford replied excitedly. “It’s from another dimension, a bygone one. My muse…”

HOLD ON SIXER, REMEMBER…TRUST NO ONE

Ford winced. “I mean, I’ve been musing on the subject in my research, and this ancient culture gave me the insight as to how to build the portal. I collected some of the material from an alien crash site nearby. I can take you there sometime.”

Aggie looked at him curiously, but seemed to shake away her doubts. “That would be great. But I’m a little tired from the drive over here from California. Is there a motel or anywhere nearby I can check in? We can start work bright and early tomorrow.”

“Oh…there isn’t anything in town. I’m sorry, I should have told you before. The closest town is Eugene, and that’s…”

“A long while off, I remember driving past it.” Aggie said. She gave a low whistle. “Well the commute is going to be killer.”

“You could stay here? I have a spare bedroom and you won’t have to travel at all.”

Aggie thought about it. “That does sound pretty convenient. Alright, Dr. Pines. You’ve got yourself a deal.” She raised out her hand, and reluctantly Ford took it. As she shook his hand, Aggie tried to hide her gasp.

“I see you’ve noticed my polydactyly.” Ford said blandly.

“Six fingers?” Aggie asked in astonishment. “Are they all functional?”

Ford lifted up his hands. “All twelve of them.”

“Fascinating.” She grabbed his hand, tracing his palms and his fingertips with her index finger on her right hand. Ford noticed her hands were very small, like a child’s compared to his. “They’re beautiful. Did you ever play the piano?”

Ford pulled his hand away. “No, I’m afraid not. Didn’t really grow up in a musical household.”

“You would be marvelous at it. I’ll see if I can bring my keyboard from home and I could give you some lessons.” Aggie responded.

“Let’s work on the portal first, then we’ll see,” Ford replied in irritation.

“Aye aye, Captain.” Aggie replied, mock salute.

“I’m not sure I appreciate that.” Ford didn’t really want to think about the sea, or anything reminding him of it.

“Ok then, boss. Whatever you want. But if I’m living here, I get to have some leeway too. If you hear me singing showtunes while I’m working, it’s part of my process.”

“I can live with that, I guess. But I do have to be upfront with you. I don’t think I will be able to compensate you at the rate most researchers go for. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure if I can pay you at all.” Ford said nervously.

Aggie sat there, digesting this information. “Well, from what I can see, I’ll consider this an investment in my time. Once we can prove cross dimensional travel is viable, we should be sitting comfortably on the parents alone, not even counting the licensing and profits from this breakthrough.”

Ford nodded absently, “Yes…”

IT’S ALMOST FUNNY, SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF. SILLY HUMANs AND THEIR WORTHLESS PAPER 

Ford clenched his teeth as he felt the sharp pain in his head.

“You ok there, Dr. Pines?”

Ford shook his head, trying to wave away the pain as if it were an inconvenience. “I’m fine. Let me show you to your room.”

As they climbed the stairs, Aggie swore for a moment she thought she saw the shadow of a triangle in the corner of her eye. Ford grabbed her suitcase, giving a quick, manic laugh. “Welcome to Gravity Falls, kid. You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

Chapter Text

Aggie woke up to the tight sound of knuckles on her door.

She groaned and checked her communicator watch. Four in the morning. It was still dark outside.

“I thought we’d get an early start!” Ford said cheerily from the other end. “Get dressed and meet me downstairs in ten minutes.”

Aggie rubbed her eyes and rolled out of bed. She hadn’t bothered changing out of her speedsuit when she had fallen asleep last night, so there really wasn’t any need to get dressed.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Aggie could smell coffee brewing.

“I hope you were able to settle in,” Ford commented when she reached the kitchen. Aggie couldn’t help but be a little impressed at how up to date the house looked. It must have been built recently. She looked at her boss, who also apparently hadn’t changed last night from his trenchcoat and slacks. Ford handed her a cup of coffee, black. Wordlessly, Aggie took a sip.

“I would have appreciated a little more time to settle in, but I guess you hit the ground running, don’t you, Dr. Pines?” Aggie joked. She took another sip, and winced. This coffee was too bitter. “Do you have anything to eat, like a muffin or something?”

Ford looked at her in disapproval. “I have some granola bars in the cabinet, but they’re more of a last resort. I…haven’t had much time to go shopping lately.

Aggie nodded. “I’ll add that to the to-do list.”

“We can worry about that later. I was thinking we could start developing our work space. I’ve tunneled out an area large enough to support any potential trans dimensional structure, and I’ve built a rudimentary elevator shaft to get us there. However, I was hoping with your expertise we could improve both of these and start on the portal.”

“Have you reinforced the walls and accounted for pressure?” Aggie asked.

“Of course, I’m not an idiot. I’ve been able to set up some basic computer equipment, but it’s definitely a work in progress.” Ford admitted.

“And in terms of our budget…” Aggie asked.

“I could scrounge up maybe a couple thousand.” Ford replied.

Aggie tried not to spit out her coffee. “You’ve got to be kidding me. No wonder I’m working for free.”

“We have the materials, believe me. All we need is access to a reliable power source. I’m thinking we could run the thing on nuclear power, and we’d have a chance of getting this to work!”

Aggie’s eyes widened in disbelief. She held the cup in her hands, contemplating her options. “I see why you were keen on asking your friend McGucket. From the papers I've read, this sounds like the…creative problem solving he’s known for.”

Ford smiled fondly. “Well, we had completed some amazing projects together with much less... But I expect you’ll be up for the challenge.”

Ford motioned for her to follow him as he reached a bookshelf near the edge of the room. After pulling it to the side to reveal a control panel, the door to the elevator slid open. “Ladies first.” Ford declared, gesturing for her to get in.

Aggie gingerly stepped into the carriage of the elevator as Ford followed her in, closing the door behind her.

When they arrived at the workshop, Aggie had a better idea of what they were working with. Ford had set up a computer with an impressive monitor, and an antechamber for the proposed portal, but it looked like he’d only set up a frame that needed to be assembled. And even then…

“I think we could change a few things.” Aggie said. “Let’s start with the frame, this isn’t going to support the energy level that’s going to be emitted once this opens. We’ll need more steel.”

“I think we could get that.” Ford chimed in.

“And that computer. What’s its processing power? Is it connected to anything?” Aggie asked. She rolled up the sleeves on her speedsuit and tied her hair back with a scrunchie.

“I’ve written down the specs over here, but so far it’s connected to the frame, and the power source.” Ford took out his journal from his coat. “If you want to look at the schematics, this design should be able to control the magnitude of the electromagnetic pulses.”

Aggie reached out to get a better look at the journal, only for Ford to snatch it back. “Please don’t touch,” he warned. Aggie frowned, but nodded in compliance. It seemed her boss had his quirks.

“Well, you’ve made a lot of progress so far, Dr. Pines. But I think it would work better if we tried a different approach…”

By sunrise, the two of them had made some headway discussing where to go in the project and their next steps.

Once they had ironed out the general plans, Ford grabbed her coat and told her they were heading for Crash Site Omega.

One short drive later, and they were climbing down into an abandoned spaceship covered in grass.

“Looks like it’s Galflorkian,” Aggie noted as she inspected the writing on the walls. “You sure they’re all dead?”

“I haven’t had any trouble so far.” Ford commented. “I saw a few skeletons here and there.”

“Good. I don't have a blaster anymore and I’m not too keen on getting abducted again.”

Judging from the silence, she was glad Ford didn’t have any followup questions as they climbed further into the deepest end of the ship.

Ford brought some soldering irons to take down parts of the ship, and what looked like a rudimentary shrink ray to store the parts in a knapsack.

“Did you come up with that yourself?” Aggie asked.

“I developed it based on the local phenomenon in the area, but yes I did.” Ford said proudly. He took out a flashlight and led the way as they spent the rest of the morning scavenging for parts.

In the dim glow of the flashlight, walking through the dark empty halls of the abandoned ship, Aggie couldn’t help but steal glances at the man next to her. Maybe it was the lighting, but she had to admit, he looked handsome when he was lost in thought. Maybe it was the furrowed brow, or the passion and enthusiasm he had in examining an alien culture…

No. You don’t complicate things by crushing on your boss.

They carried them back up to a truck Ford had rented and drove back to the house.

“Do you go into town much?” Aggie asked as they headed back. Ford insisted on driving as Aggie looked out the window.

“Only if I have to. I…don’t really get on with the locals.” Ford replied as he shifted gears. “Keep an eye out, ok? I should probably fill you in on the local wildlife here.”

“What, like bears? Mountain lions?” Aggie asked.

“Something like that.”

As they drove back, Ford explained more of the general weirdness of Gravity Falls. Manotaurs? Multibears? Eyebats? It wasn’t too out there for Aggie, but she found Ford’s enthusiasm to be infectious.

As they hauled their stolen parts downstairs, Aggie related her own experiences. From her time working at Venture Industries in college, her brief but disastrous stint at Cognito Inc., and finally her time in space with Dr. Sanchez.

“So he just left you to die with the Ombulans on Omicron 7 in exchange for space crack?” Ford asked in disbelief as they worked on the wiring of the circuit board.

“He came back for me…eventually. And it was space PCP.” Aggie said half-heartedly. “But that’s Rick for you. He draws you in for an adventure, then you’re on your own when things get dicey.”

Ford scoffed. “What a dick.”

Aggie laughed. “Tell me about it. Still, he has his principles, however flawed they may be.”

“That’s debatable. From what I recall they’re just an excuse to rant about something.” Ford replied irritably. He was fidgeting with the transistor in his hand. Aggie tried not to look at his fingers.

Aggie shrugged, and finished the last of the soldering. “Looks about done here. What do you want to do next?”

“We could work on the frame?” Ford suggested.

Aggie checked her watch. “Huh. It’s already seven. I think we should call it a day.”

“But we’re just getting started!” Ford protested.

Aggie could hear her stomach growling. “Food first. Then we can think about it. Personally, I’m too tired to go near a blowtorch. I saw a diner in town when I was driving over.”

“That place is crap. They mostly do breakfast food anyway.”

“Still better than three year old granola bars. We’ll go shopping on the way back.”

They drove over in Aggie’s car, parking in front of the log shaped diner. Aggie noticed a from the corner of her eye two men in suits staking out the place. We’re they OSI, or just one of Rand’s men?

“You see the two at three o’clock?” She whispered in Ford’s ear.

“Yeah, what do they want?”

“No idea. But let’s wait and see.”

They entered the diner, only for Ford to be greeted as a local celebrity.

“Well, if it isn’t the scientist!” A short woman in a pink waitress uniform and big brown hair waddled over to them with a pot of coffee. “And you’ve brought…a lady friend? Isn’t that nice.”

Ford coughed. “Oh, hello…Susan.” He said, looking at her name tag. Susan squealed at the thought that Ford had remembered her name. This is my colleague, Dr. Davis. She will be staying in Gravity Falls until our project is complete.”

“Right, your project.” She winked. Ford blushed, Aggie snickered. “You don’t have to worry about me, I’m hip. The rest of the town might gossip though. Can I get you two anything?”

“Two coffees, please.” Ford muttered. When Susan walked out of earshot, he leaned over and whispered to Aggie. “This is why I don’t go into town.”

“Oh, that wasn’t so bad.” Aggie replied lightly. “Better they think we’re living in sin than suspect what we’re actually doing. Then they’d bring the pitchforks.”

Ford looked livid. “But we’re advancing the progress of science by decades. If we can prove trans-dimensional travel…”

Aggie raised her hand, urging him to pipe down. “Not here. But think about it, if there are infinite dimensions, with infinite versions of ourselves- then does anything we do matter? Are our choices worthwhile, or is everything meaningless?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Ford asked.

“I don’t think the average person is going to take too well to the idea. Kind of makes the concept of religion pointless if none of your actions matter.”

“They matter because they have meaning to you.” Ford replied. “Even if you did something in another dimension, the events in this one made you the person you are.” Ford paused, as if he was mulling over what he just said.

Their coffees arrived, and they placed their orders. Aggie got the turkey sandwich, Ford ordered the cheese burger.

They picked at their food, and discussed possible improvements to the power system.

“You think we can power this thing on nuclear waste?” Aggie asked in disbelief. She reached over and stole one of Ford’s fries, much to his displeasure.

“I know I can. I’ve designed it myself. It should work, I just need to find where I can get a couple tons of the stuff legitimately.” Ford said as he poured ketchup on the rest of his fries in protest.

“That’s easy enough, I know a guy.” Aggie replied, stealing another fry. “But if this fails, this won’t be the fun sort of radiation poisoning where we get superpowers.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing. That’s just in comic books, right?” Ford asked.

“Only if you’re not tinkering in gene modification on the side.” Aggie replied dismissively.

“Venture?”

Aggie looked around, then quietly nodded. “Can’t get into the details, NDA and whatever, but it was a joint thing with OSI. Someone wanted to become a Hulk.”

Ford snorted in surprise. “And I thought the OSI were the competent ones.”

“They are…most of the time. You’ve never had to work with them? They tend to rope in everyone in the super science community at some point of the other.” Aggie complained.

“My thesis advisor for my engineering doctorate helped design something called…the nozzle? I’m still not sure what it did to be honest.”

Aggie made a face. “Ugh. You were part of the nozzle? I hate that thing.”

“It was pretty fun. The whole point is to make the test subject uncomfortable. I suspect it doesn’t do anything else.” Ford said as he sipped his coffee.

Aggie looked out the window. Those two suits in sunglasses were still watching them from the parking lot.

“Are you finished here?” Aggie asked. “I think I have an idea of how to lose those two spooks.”

Ford raised his hand and called for the check. As they paid up, Aggie found a newspaper abandoned in the next booth over. “We’re just in time.”

Aggie grabbed Ford’s hand as they walked out the back door of the diner and towards downtown, walking through alleys and cracked sidewalks.

“Are they behind us?” She asked.

“Not yet.”

They walked for another three blocks until they stopped in front of the Gravity Falls theater, it’s bright lights blinding them with large marquees of the upcoming shows.

Confidently, Aggie strolled up to the ticket booth. “Two for the eight-thirty screening of Raiders of the Lost Ark, please.”

“Really, Dr. Davis? Isn’t that a children’s film?” Ford said disparagingly. He noticed she hadn’t let go of his hand yet, but he hadn’t bothered pulling away.

“Oh come on, you’ll love it! Trust me.” Aggie grabbed the tickets from the cashier as they headed inside. The theater was packed. Ford wasn’t aware that so many people lived in Gravity Falls.

“I can’t believe we were able to get seats on the opening day.” Aggie said excitedly. She looked over at Ford, who still looked uneasy. “It’s about an academic who travels the world, searching for enchanted artefacts. This one’s the Ark of the Covenant. Maybe you’ll find something in common with Dr. Jones.”

Ford rolled his eyes. “If you say so.”

As the lights dimmed, Aggie wrapped her arm around Ford’s, resting her head on his shoulder. Ford should have pushed her off, her head was heavy but perhaps she was tired. At least she smelled nice.

Despite his misgivings, Ford had to admit the movie was enjoyable. He looked over at Aggie to see her reaction to each event. She was practically squeezing the circulation out of his arm at the first scene with the boulder, and towards the end when the Nazis faces melted.

“This is definitely not a kids movie.” He muttered.

“But it was fun, right?”

Ford was about to admit defeat when he saw two latecomers enter the theater. “We’ve got company.”

As the two searched the rows, Ford and Aggie slunk down to the floor, then crouched down and crawled towards the exit on the other side, trying not to bother the other moviegoers and failing. After a few yelps and warnings, it was obvious they were making a scene and they’d be found out.

“Hey, you two!” One of the suits pointed at them.

Ford and Aggie scrambled to get out of the theater, and ran towards the back exit. They left through the back, narrowly escaping the suits as Aggie kicked a trashcan to its side, it’s contents spilling on top of them.

“Oh man, I’ll never be able to get this out.” She could hear one of them complain as they ran back to the diner.

When they reached Aggie’s car, they drove back to the house, out of breath and exhausted.

“What do you think they want?” Aggie asked as the kept her eyes on the road.

“The portal.” Ford declared. “I was warned about this. Trust no one. Did you call them?”

“No, of course not.” Aggie said, outraged. “How could you think I’d do that?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know you at all.”

Aggie slammed the breaks, her car screeching to a halt. “Then we need to work on that. Look, I get this portal means a lot to you, but you’re going to have to meet me halfway.”

“I’ve been more than generous!” Ford protested.

“So will sixteen hour workdays be the norm then? How many other team members are you bringing in?”

Ford stared at her blankly.

“Just me then? So, the next few months are going to be fun. I get that you have a lot on your plate, and I won’t deny it’s an honor getting to work for you, but I don’t know if this is going to work out…” Aggie declared nervously.

“Aggie, look. I’m…not used to working with someone new. I usually work by myself, and it took a while for me to open up to Fiddleford. Just…be patient with me, ok?” Ford begged.

Aggie pressed her lips together, biting on her bottom lip in thought. She sighed, and turned on the ignition. “Ok. When we get back, we’ll work for another hour or two, then we get some rest.”

Later that night, Ford finally collapsed from exhaustion. Aggie was grateful she had insisted on holding onto anything flammable and he only had the sidings. She dragged him to a workbench and placed his coat over him as a blanket. She checked her watch. One thirty.

She might as well get ‘off the clock.’

She took the elevator up to the main floor and made her way to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water. She looked at the phone hanging on the wall, and sighed. Might as well check on him, he’d be up anyway.

She dialed his number from memory.

“Yellow? T.S. Venture speaking.”

“Hey Rusty, it’s me.” Aggie said wearily.

“Good god, you sound like hell. What happened to you?” Rusty asked.

“Oh, just settling into my new job. Not sure if it counts as a job if they’re not paying you, but whatever.” Aggie huffed.

Rusty gave a low whistle. “That bad, huh? Getting blackballed by Cognito so you’re taking anything that comes your way?”

“More like I wanted to keep a low profile. I’m staying with this kind of offbeat one man research station in Gravity Falls who thinks he can make trans-dimensional travel a reality.”

“Rick?”

“No. Stanford Pines. You heard of him?”

“He’s more into monster stuff, right? Dad and Colonel Gentlemen mentioned him at one point, though it wasn’t favorable.”

“Hmm. Yeah that’s him. But this has the potential to be something big. You want to come over and join us during Spring Break? Maybe stick it to your dad?”

“Sounds so much better than Cancun.” Rusty drawled. “But I’ll have to pass. Pete’s invited me to his hometown and I’d rather be literally anywhere else then…wherever it is you are now. Washington?”

“Oregon.”

“Yes, that.”

“Ooh, you’ll have to tell me more about this Pete.”

“You’ve met him.” Rusty replied. “Move in day, remember. Tall skinny albino kid?”

“Oh right. The kid into tabletop games. You know, my new boss is into them too.”

Rusty snorted. “Still not interested.”

“Have you heard from Jonas lately?” Aggie asked.

“Not you too. He’s too busy with his shiny new space station to care about us mere mortals.” Rusty sighed dramatically.

“Honestly, it’s kind of a relief. Less good old Jonas pries into anyone's business, the better. Though I’d appreciate any funding he could throw my way.” Aggie sighed.

“Don’t we all. You can still apply through the Venture Foundation.” Rusty offered. “Though it’s run by those creepy guys from the insurance company, so you might not get anything.”

“Worth a shot.” Aggie paused. “I miss you, Rust.”

Silence. “I miss you too, Aggs.”

“That roommate giving you any trouble?”

“No. Not anymore.”

“I’ll come over and visit sometime, alright?” Aggie said hopefully. “Or you probably don’t want some old person cramping up your style.”

“No, by all means come over. My friend Mike doesn’t believe me when I tell him we’re friends. If you showed up, I bet he’d cream himself.”

Aggie chuckled. “Then I have to come over. After I finish up here, I’m driving back down.”

They said their goodbyes, and Aggie felt better. It was nice, knowing that Rusty was safe in college and she didn’t have to worry about him anymore.

What she hadn’t realized was that Ford had listened in to her phone call.

As Ford lurked by the adjoining wall, he could feel Bill gloat that he was right all along. He was beginning to suspect his new assistant might be a spy, for Venture no less. He was going to need to bring in Fiddleford, he needed someone he could trust.

Chapter Text

The next day went by quietly. Aggie was relieved to not have to wake up at four in the morning, but was surprised that Ford was so curt with her throughout the day. Other than giving her instructions on what he wanted for the portal, she felt that they weren’t speaking to each other at all. Aggie thought they’d made some progress, but perhaps she’d imagined it.

They’d restructured the frame, and later they were going to try a trial run. If it even gave the tiniest spark, they’d know they were on the right track.

The silence was bothering Aggie. She didn’t know if Ford wasn’t that talkative to begin with, or if he was preoccupied with something. So, she decided to fill the void.

“I hope you don’t mind, I made a phone call last night to a friend of mine, just to let him know I’d settled in.” Aggie said. “Of course, I’ll pay for any outgoing calls.”

Ford looked surprised, but tried to shake it off. “Who did you call?”

“My old buddy, Rusty Venture. Goes by T.S. now, but he’ll always be Rusty to me.” Aggie chuckled.

“The boy adventurer?” Ford asked in disbelief. “How do you know him?”

“I started college a little early, so it was hard to get anyone to take me seriously when it came time for summer internships. I thought I made it when I was accepted at the Venture Foundation. Maybe I’d be doing super science with the big guy himself. Turns out it was a clerical error, and I was basically a glorified babysitter for Rusty when he wasn’t on set for his tv show.”

“Sounds humiliating.” Ford commented.

Aggie shrugged. “More so for him than it was for me. But it was okay for the most part. I basically got paid to get kidnapped every now and then with Rusty and then play Atari on our off days when he wasn’t in his learning bed. Can’t really be a stranger after that, we’ve kept in touch ever since.”

“Can we go back a second? Learning bed?”

“REM wavelength cognitive transmission. Jonas prerecorded everything he thought necessary for Rusty to learn and played it while he slept so he wouldn’t have to go to school.” Aggie explained.

“Jesus Christ, that is bleak.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Aggie declared. “The boy adventurer gig isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.”

Ford frowned. “You know, I always used to want to be just like them as a kid. Not Rusty, he was after my time, but definitely Action Johnny.”

Aggie laughed, then felt bad about laughing, and adjusted her glasses. “Oh, I’m not sure that’s any better. But I can see the appeal in running around the jungle, finding treasure.”

“My brother and I…we used to pretend to be pirates when we were kids. You know, find buried treasure, travel the world…” Ford paused, rubbing his chin. “You know, that’s the first time I’ve thought about that in, I don’t know.”

“What happened?” Aggie asked.

Ford stiffened. “Things change. People change too. It’s not important, we should get back to work.” He grabbed a wrench and started working. Aggie tried to ask what he meant, but it seems that he wasn’t listening.

After a few more hours of silence, they headed up to the main floor for dinner- both of them were too exhausted to make anything, so it was canned soup. Ford sat at the table, ignoring her while he scribbled frantically in his journal, flipping pages and cross referencing other notes.

“Anything you’d like to share with the class?” Aggie asked lightheartedly.

“Just making some calculations. Once this thing is up and running, the gravitational field around it is going to be disrupted.”

“You mean altered?”

“No.”

Ford stood up, and left the table, leaving behind his dishes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll clean up,” Aggie mumbled, mainly to herself.

As she washed the dishes, she sang some showtunes. This week she was leaning more towards Showboat.

“Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, I gotta love one man ‘til I die…”

She found a dishcloth and dried the bowls, placing them back in the cupboard.

“Can’t help…loving that man of mine.”

“Not bad.” Ford commented from behind her. “You got anything else?”

Aggie turned towards him, only to feel something was off about her boss. His posture was different, and there was something in the eyes…she wasn’t sure what that was.

“Do you like it?” Aggie asked nervously. She wasn’t sure why she was nervous.

Ford leaned on the side of the wall. “I’ve always had a soft spot for the classics. And it’s not everyday you meet a…kindred spirit when it comes to jazz standards. So, let’s hear it. What else have you got?”

Aggie couldn’t quite place it, but it sounded like a threat under those glowing yellow eyes. Something wasn’t right.

“I can’t do acapella. I need a piano.” Aggie protested.

“We have one. It’s underneath that sheet in the living room, by the T-Rex head.”

“You said the other day you didn’t…”

“I fixed that. There was an abandoned church that wasn’t using it. So, I liberated it.”

Aggie blinked. When could he have had the time for that? The only time she was away from him was when they were asleep.

Gingerly, she walked over to the shroud and pulled it away. Sure enough, there was an old and battered piano underneath. It looked like it had been recently repaired.

“Why?”

He shrugged. “I’m bored. And consider this your first test. Let’s see if you pass.”

A test for what?

Aggie sat down and stared at the grimy keys. She took a deep breath, and slowly began to play.

“I used to dream that I would discover/The perfect lover someday/I knew I'd recognize him/If ever he came 'round my way…”

Aggie took a deep breath, then continued.

“I always used to fancy then/He'd be one the god-like kind of men/With a giant brain and a noble hand/Like the heroes bold in the books I've read…”

She paused as she adjusted her hands to change keys.

“But along came Bill…”

Suddenly, he started laughing.

“Is something wrong?” Aggie asked. She stopped playing to notice he had covered his face, but his laughter increased.

“No. It’s just…oh, that’s just too much. Ha. Ha. You know, you don’t even have to finish the song, though maybe you should. I’ve never heard this one before.”

“Really? It’s kind of famous. It’s from Showboat.”

“I never saw that one. I met Hammerstein once, you know. And I offered him some free inspiration on Oklahoma.”

“I sincerely doubt that.” Aggie replied. “Stanford, are you alright?”

Stanford blinked a little too slowly, one eye at a time, his pupils still slits. “Never better. Why don’t you finish that song.”

Stanford walked unevenly toward the armchair, falling into the seat with a thud. Aggie looked over at the figure, making sure he was still breathing and continued.

“Oh, I, I can't explain/It's surely not his brain/That makes me thrill/I love him/Because he's just my Bill.”

He started to slow clap, each clap more sarcastic than the last. “Bravo. Fantastic.”

Aggie scoffed. “Ok, I get it. It sucked.”

“I never said that. It did a number on the ears though. They’re still ringing.” He laughed, then smacked his head.

“So I guess I failed the test then?” Aggie asked.

He stared at her. “Oh that? You passed? As long as you stay out of my way, you’re free to do whatever. Do you know any other songs?”

“In general, or just jazz?” Aggie started to play a riff similar to the Coltrane version of My Favorite Things.

“Yes. That. I love musicians, they’re so willing to sign away anything for a little fame. Shame they’re not more useful. Just keep going, I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

Aggie kept playing for almost an hour before realizing he wasn’t coming back. She was too scared to stop.

The next morning, when she asked Ford about what happened, he denied it ever happened.

“I went to bed early last night. Though I’d appreciate if you’d not stay up playing the piano anymore, it gave me such a headache.”

The rest of the week went by in a similar manner. Work, lunch, more work. Sometimes Ford would take a break to meditate, which Aggie had to give some respect for. She certainly wasn’t that self-disciplined. Though, if she ever saw him acting weird, she had the good sense to hide in the attic and let him go about his business.

It wasn’t until about a week into their project that Ford asked if Aggie wanted to go on an expedition with him.

“It’s not relevant to the portal, but there’s a phenomenon I’ve been waiting for that’s only going to happen tonight. I thought you might be interested in joining me.” Ford explained, as his hands fidgeted with a button on his jacket.

“I’d love to.” Aggie smiled. It must be something that he was willing to take her along.

They waited until nightfall, and brought along knapsacks full of hiking gear.

“We’re going to have to go deep into the woods.” Ford explained. “Stay close to me, and don’t wander off.”

As they trudged through the forest canopy, the branches cast spiraling shadows above them. Aggie could hear the screeches and hoots of the nocturnal animals as they walked. She inched closer to Ford, who seemed to know where he was going.

When they climbed to the top of a hill, they reached a clearing by a stream. In front of them was a circle of blue mushrooms with caps the size of hubcaps.

“We’re here.” Ford whispered.

“So now what?” Aggie asked.

Ford checked his watch. “We wait.” He placed his knapsack on the floor and sat down. Aggie followed him.

“What are we waiting for?” She asked as she leaned on him. Ford wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

“Five more minutes.”

They sat in comfortable silence, taking in the sound of the rushing stream and the bright stars in the distance. It was a Strawberry Moon, and its beams drifted slowly across the canopy, until it reached the clearing. As it touched each mushroom, they started to glow.

“Bioluminescence?” Aggie asked.

Ford grinned. “Neat, huh? Come on, we don’t have much time.” He handed her a pocket knife and started to cut samples off from the mushrooms.

“I’ve tried to study the properties of this fungi for months, but it doesn’t activate unless under the moonlight for some reason.”

“What does it do?”

“It has unusual hallucinogenic properties, which could be useful.” Ford mused. “But if synthesized, I think it could allow a human to cross realities.”

“Instead of the portal?” Aggie asked curiously.

“More like a backup. Not sure if it would work on other beings though.” Ford admitted.

“Beings?”

Ford clamped up. “I…”

“Does this have to do with that…roommate of yours?“ Aggie asked.

“You’ve met him?” Ford asked in surprise. He stopped mid cut.

Aggie nodded. “A couple of times. Though he doesn’t seem to think I’m a threat, so that’s probably a good thing.” She cut a few more samples until her knapsack was full. Ford followed suit. As they were about to leave, he grabbed her hand.

“I need to show you something else.”

Aggie stared dumbfounded and followed him deeper into the forest, to a small cave. Ford took out his flashlight as they crouched down into the mouth and followed the slippery trail to the center. He flashed the light at a mural that looked like it had been there, for a few thousand years at least, of a large triangle with an eye surrounded by a circle of unusual shapes.

“This is Bill. He’s my muse.” Ford said proudly.

“Oh. This is certainly not what I expected.” Aggie replied.

Ford continued, explaining how he found the cave, why he was searching for the source of Gravity Falls’s weirdness, and how Bill changed his life.

“And that’s why you’re here, and why we’re building this portal. To share Bill’s knowledge with the world. If he trusts you, then I trust you too.” He turned to her and smiled. “You get it, don’t you? I knew you would understand.”

Aggie’s eyes widened in horror. Ok. This was way beyond her pay grade. Maybe she would need some backup, and soon. Where’s Rick when you need him. Could she call Rand? Demons weren’t a Team Venture thing.

“Of course. I’ll help you every step of the way,” Aggie replied. Her mouth felt like it was full of marbles.

Ford squeezed her hand affectionately, then pulled her close to him in a hug. “I knew it. I knew you were meant to be here with me.”

When he let go, she found his face a little too close to hers. Aggie wondered if he was going to kiss her, but he pulled back. “We better go, it’s getting late,” he said. He strode quickly away, Aggie rushing to keep up with him.

When they reached the cabin, they placed the samples on the kitchen table.

“We can sort them out in the morning,” Ford said aloud. “I’ll bring out the glassware from storage and we can try to synthesize it tomorrow.”

“Do you think we’d have something similar to portal fluid?” Aggie asked. “Rick had his own formula, but he wasn’t willing to share it, something about paradoxes.”

“Who knows? At this point I’m just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks.”

They bid each other goodnight. Ford raised his pointer finger as if he had suddenly remembered something. “Oh, one more thing. I’ve invited my friend Fiddleford over to join our project. He won’t be able to drive over until the end of the month, but I just wanted to let you know.”

“Is he familiar with…Bill?” Aggie asked.

“No, and it’s probably best we keep it that way for now. Fidds is a bit…well, he’s a hobby occultist, so he’d misinterpret what’s going on.”

“Hobby occultist?” Aggie snickered.

“You know, former Southern Baptist who read too much Lovecraft and Poe. He wanted to start his own secret society in undergrad when we were rejected in the fraternity rush process freshman year.” Ford recounted, trying to suppress his laughter.

“You don’t sound like you weren’t opposed to it.” Aggie noted.

“Well, I am a specialist in the field now, so you can guess how it turned out.” Ford agreed. “Though the real occult is a bit different than what we were doing.”

He gave some last minute information on when McGucket would arrive, and their plans for the next week.

Aggie went upstairs and started getting ready for bed. She noted that the light in Stanford’s bedroom went out almost as soon as he closed the door behind him. As she finished brushing her teeth, she heard the phone ring. She ran down the stairs and plucked the phone off the receiver.

“Hello? Is everything alright?”

She could hear heavy breathing on the other end.

“Is this the number for Stanford Pines?”

The voice was raspy, and mid-Atlantic from what Aggie could guess. A bit working class.

“It is. Could I take a message?” Aggie asked.

“Are you his girlfriend or something?”

“I’m sorry, who is this?” Aggie asked. “Are you a friend of Ford’s?”

“Something like that. I’m his brother, Stanley.” He admitted. It seemed like he was in a phonebooth, she could hear the rain pounding against the glass.

“Oh, it’s you! Nice to be able to put a face to a name, well, a voice.” Aggie said cheerfully.

“Wait, Ford’s mentioned me? What did he say?” He sounded surprised, hopeful.

“Oh, something about you two playing pirates. It was kind of cute.”

“He still remembers me.” He mumbled. There was a pause, then a cough. “Uh, I was calling to say I’ve taken a contract job, it’s going to be long term and I don’t know if I’m going to make it.”

“Army?” Aggie asked.

“Not exactly. But I just wanted to say goodbye, bury the hatchet and all.”

“I can wake him up,” Aggie offered.

“Nah, don’t bother. Listen, you seem like a nice lady. Take good care of my brother. Who knows? Maybe I’ll see you around.”

Aggie bit her lip. “Do you need anything? Money? A place to stay?”

“I’ve got that covered for now. But if you don’t mind I might put you and Ford down as my next of kin. Haven’t talked to Shermie in a while and that might be awkward.”

Aggie blinked. “Ok. Take care then, Stanley. It was nice to meet you.”

“You too, sweetheart. What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t. It’s Aggie, Aggie Davis.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you around.”

“Wait. What are you doing? Drug running? It’s not too late, we can get you some help and get you out of there.” Aggie pleaded.

“What? How did you…? No, I don’t do that anymore. I’m henching.”

“Oh? With who?” Aggie asked. “I know a few people in the Guild.”

“Some new guy, Phantom Limb?”

Aggie frowned. That couldn’t be right, could it?

“Well, Hamilton’s not so bad, just don’t piss him off. He’s not as trigger happy as the others. Better than Hatred. Just be careful, ok?”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re not getting rid of me so easily.” With that, he hung up.

Aggie wondered how Phantom Limb was already arching in 1981. Had the timeline split? Or was it unraveling. She was going to have to hope it held together until they finished the portal.

Chapter Text

Synthesizing the mushrooms was more difficult than either of them expected.

They repurposed a portion of the kitchen as a makeshift chem lab, Ford agreed it was too dangerous to go near the portal downstairs. Aggie wondered if she should tell Ford about the phone conversation, but decided against it. It wasn’t really her business to interfere with his relationship with his brother if he didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

They chopped the samples up and placed them in a Claisen flask under vacuum filtration. They distilled the solution, collecting the toxic gas into a separate filtration chamber. Aggie turned up the pressure as Ford added the heat, their safety goggles fogging up from the steam as pressure built up inside the glassware.

“We might have to stop,” Aggie noted as she checked the pressure. It looks like this could burst.”

Ford looked at the output of product. It was a slow trickle of bright blue goo. “Let’s hold out, once this filters through we won’t even have enough to test.”

“Ford…” Aggie protested.

“Just a little more,” Ford urged.

Aggie felt unsure, but nodded, turning up the pressure. She could hear the glassware whistle, then she saw the cracks. Finally, it burst- shards of glass flying everywhere.

They coughed, blue gas filling the house as they felt themselves floating, and the house filling with a high pitched laughter.

“Oh no, it’s the hallucinogens.” Ford groaned.

Aggie could feel the room distorting as she saw deformed figures appear out of nowhere, turning into people she knew. Rusty as a child screaming for help, then his face folding in on itself as he morphed into his adult self, then his future self in his pink speedsuit. Jonas in his orange spacesuit, alive and healthy- decomposing and turning blue as his eyes glowed yellow, his mouth open in a scream. Rick transforming into his many alternate universe versions of himself in quick succession, each screaming until it landed on the long haired version in the duster that she could only assume was the true Rick. Rand standing in front of her, laughing before shedding his skin and revealing the board of shadowy figures bursting into flames.

All of the men who she had failed in some form or another by not being good enough, not being smart enough.

She was alone in a cloud of blue smoke.

“Ford!” She screamed. “Where are you?”

She ran forward for what seemed like miles. It’s as if she wasn’t in the kitchen anymore.

Exhausted, she felt her vision cloud as she fainted.

When she awoke, she saw she was lying on the couch in the living room. Her speedsuit was gone, there was a large gauze bandage wrapped around her chest, and her arms were bandaged up to her elbows.

“Oh good, you’re awake. You gave me quite a scare back there.” Ford piped up.

“What happened?” Aggie asked hoarsely.

“You were right. It was too much pressure. We’ll have to start over again later, once you’re patched up.” Ford explained. “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

He looked like he had been put through his own ordeal. His head was bandaged, as well as his arms. He had a split lip.

“What happened to you?” Aggie asked with concern.

“Fell over from the explosion, we were both covered in glass.” Ford replied. “I’ll admit, it took me a while to get over my…hallucinations. But since you were out cold, I stopped the fire and tended our wounds. Don’t worry, I took care of the waste too,” he added wryly.

“What did you see?” Aggie asked. “I saw my failures, and what they’ll lead to.”

Ford stared at her, and looked away. “I saw my brother. He was dying.”

“Was he wearing a purple unitard?” Aggie asked.

Ford gaped at her in confusion. “How…”

“He called the house last night.” Aggie admitted, biting her lip anxiously. “He told me that he signed a contract to become a henchman for Phantom Limb. Henches don’t have a long shelf life, usually.”

Ford kicked at the leg of the couch Aggie was lying on in frustration. “Damn it, Stan. Figures he’d become a lowlife henchman, but I hoped it wouldn’t come to this.”

“Hey, henching is a job like any other. It’s just more dangerous.” Aggie replied indignantly.

“I thought you’d have a more negative opinion on them, what with being kidnapped and everything.” Ford retorted sarcastically.

“You get used to it after a while.” Aggie said. She looked away. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I wasn’t sure how you’d react.”

Ford winced. “I guess I haven’t made it easy on you. But, thanks for letting me know now.” He rubbed the back of his head with his bandaged hand.

“What do you think this means?” Aggie mused. “These hallucinations couldn’t have come from our imagination, I never told you about Stan’s job.”

“Perhaps we are seeing our future.” Ford suggested.

“No, I don’t think so.” Aggie declared firmly. “But, it could be an alternate timeline. Though, from what I know about the current timeline, things have already changed.”

“How would you know anything about our current timeline?” Ford asked.

“I…might have dabbled in time travel in one of my old jobs?” Aggie admitted sheepishly. “Nothing that altered the stream, so it’s not from that. But, I know Phantom Limb shouldn’t even be active until 1987 at least. No idea what your brother would be doing instead, but something must have messed up at the OSI to trigger Limb’s accident and cause early onset supervillainy.”

Ford gave a low whistle in reaction. “Well, that’s something, alright. I just wish my brother hadn’t gotten mixed up in it.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aggie asked.

“Not right now. But maybe later? We still have so much work to do.” Ford stood up, then stumbled and sat back down.

“How much blood did you lose?” Aggie asked.

“Not that much. But maybe let’s take a break. Bill can wait.” Ford said through his teeth. His fingers drummed against the armrest of the chair. He was breathing heavily.

“Did you see him in your vision?” Aggie asked.

“I’m not sure what I saw exactly. There were monsters roaming the town, the sky was bright neon…and there were pyramids floating in the sky…I could see people turning into stone, their faces distorted into a permanent scream,” Ford replied in horror. He was shaking. “And Bill…Bill was laughing. I don’t know what it means, I’m so confused.”

“Maybe you should ask him.” Aggie suggested.

“What if I don’t want to? If this is a vision of the future…am I the cause of it? Is this the price I have to pay for greatness?” Ford asked. It didn’t seem like he was talking to her at this point.

“We could end the project.” Aggie said. “It’s a month’s worth of work down the tube, but still enough to write a paper.”

“We can’t stop,” Ford said with a ragged voice. “Bill will never forgive me if we stopped. And he’s done so much for me. He was there for me when no one else was. I just…does it make me weak to be scared of one stupid vision? It felt so real.”

Aggie lifted herself up, ignoring the pain. She placed her hand on Ford’s shoulder. “Hey, look at me. You’re not weak to feel scared. Acknowledging your fears and overcoming them makes you the strongest person I know. Most people bury that inside themselves or hide in denial. That’s what I do and I hate myself for it everyday.”

Ford sniffed, wiping his face. Suddenly, he reached forward and hugged her tightly. It hurt, but she hugged him back. She rubbed his back as he burst into sobs.

“I don’t know what to do, Aggie. I want to believe in Bill. He made me feel special.”

“You are special, Ford. With or without him. And whatever you decide, I’m there with you every step of the way.” Aggie declared.

“Bill told me not to trust you when you first got here, you know.” Ford murmured into her ear. He moved away a strand of her hair, playing with it. “How can I know I can trust you over him?”

“You don’t. That’s something you have to decide on your own.” Aggie replied. “But I would never hurt you, Ford. I know we haven’t known each other very long. But I care for you. I don’t know why, you’re pigheaded, you’re a taskmaster, and you never communicate. But I can’t help it, you’re too damn charming I guess.”

Ford sniffed, then wheezed. “No one has ever called me charming before. I think we found our answer. You’re insane.”

Aggie nuzzled into his shoulder. “Takes one to know one.”

They held onto each other for what seemed like an eternity, and Aggie could feel his heartbeat against hers. She felt the cool air on her shoulders, and blushed. She looked down and noticed that without her speedsuit, she was basically in her bra and panties. Had Ford really seen her in this state this whole time?

“I think I need to go back up and change.” Aggie said.

“It’s not a big deal, we’re both professionals.” Ford countered. “The human body isn’t anything to be ashamed of.”

Aggie rolled her eyes and let go of him. “Be that as it may, I think I should change nonetheless. Professionalism be damned.” She stood up and adjusted her balance. “Thank you for tending to my wounds.”

“No problem.” Ford replied. Aggie wished he’d have the decency to look away while talking to her, but evidently he did not. Then again, he had to undress her in the first place. “I had to throw away your jumpsuit.”

“Speedsuit,” Aggie corrected. “And it’s ok, I have a dozen of them.” She shambled up the stairs, limping to her bedroom to change.

Ford and Aggie didn’t discuss the incident the rest of the day, or the next day either. But, he continued to work on the portal as if nothing happened. Aggie followed him downstairs and continued to assist him. If they stopped the portal project altogether, she wouldn’t have much of a purpose to be near Ford in the first place, would she?

By the time Fiddleford McGucket arrived at the house on Gopher Lane, they had made significant progress.

Enough that when he arrived, he was greeted by a flash of blue light bursting from the windows.

When they arrived upstairs, Fiddleford was waiting in the living room. He stood up, and greeted Ford with a bone crushing hug.

“Well, I have to hand it to you Ford, you know how to make quite a scene. I can’t tell you how much of a shock it was to come here to that pulse of electromagnetic discharge and open the door to this empty house. I thought you’d done gone and vaporized yourself! Gave me a heart attack right where I stood.”

“Good to see you too, Fidds.” Ford laughed. “I need to take you down to the lab first thing tomorrow, but let’s get you settled in tonight.”

“Would you like me to take your things upstairs, Dr. McGucket?” Aggie asked.

Fiddleford looked at Aggie and smiled. “Ford, you didn’t tell me we had company over.”

“This is Dr. Davis. She will be assisting us in this project. Her contributions have already helped take us past my initial estimates.” Ford responded.

“I just spruced up the hardware. But I might need you to take a look at the code. There are some bugs I’m stuck on.” Aggie said, reaching out her hand to shake their new teammate’s. “Glad to finally meet you. Ford’s told me so many stories about your time together in college, it’s nice to meet you in person.”

“Good things, I hope.”

Ford and Fiddleford were immediately in sync, discussing and troubleshooting together. There were times when one of them would think of a breakthrough, and run to the other for feedback. Aggie knew that was the result of years of friendship and collaboration, but she had to try and fight the jealousy as it surfaced. Especially since at this point, it seemed that they hardly asked for her opinion at all.

When she saw the way Ford would light up whenever the other man entered the room, Aggie didn’t have to figure out what he meant to him. Call it intuition, or wild speculation, but she suspected it was mutual.

After their workday, Fidds would make dinner. Aggie had to admit, he was a pretty good cook, and with him around Ford was less likely to enforce sixteen hour shifts. Fidds wouldn’t allow it.

“Today we’re having lasagna. It’s my son’s favorite.” Fidds said.

“How is Tate?” Ford asked. “Last time I saw him, he was still battling the terrible twos.”

Fidds gave a weak smile and cut into the dish, hastily scooping it onto their plates with a serving of broccoli per person. “He’s…fine. I spoke to him on the phone.”

“It must be difficult being away from your family for so long.” Aggie said sympathetically.

“It’s fine. I needed a change of pace. It’s good, you know. Nothing like throwing yourself into something new to clear your head. Go on now, eat.” Fidds declared, sitting down and grabbing his fork. He stabbed his lasagna aggressively.

Ford and Aggie exchanged uneasy looks.

“Is everything alright, Fidds? If something is going on, you could tell us.” Ford said quietly.

Fiddleford continued to cut his food into small pieces before giving up and throwing his fork on the floor. He placed his hands on his head and hunched over.

“Emma May left me. She took Tate and went to her parents.”

Ford’s eyes widened in surprise. “I’m so sorry to hear that. When did this happen?”

“A few months ago,” Fiddleford replied morosely. “The move to Palo Alto put a strain on us, and I’ve put everything into the new business. I haven’t put in the effort to be a good father, or a good husband. So she found someone else.”

“Oh buddy, that’s awful.” Ford interjected. Aggie silently ate her food.

“I didn’t make it easy on myself. I tried to win her back by building a giant robot.” He continued.

“Oh, no.”

“It worked the first time! Emma May loved my giant robots…” he sniffed. “But the courts think I’m now a safety risk, and she’s petitioning for full custody. I don’t know, it’s such a mess.”

“When’s your next visitation weekend?” Aggie asked.

“This week. But I’d rather stay here.” Fiddleford said. “We’re making so much progress.”

“One weekend away isn’t going to change anything. You can’t run away from your problems, Dr. McGucket.” Aggie insisted. “This is delicious, by the way.”

He looked uneasy, but relaxed. “Aw, shucks. I don’t know what I’d do without you two. I’ll think about it. But you both better behave yourselves.”

They laughed, but Aggie wondered what this would mean for them, and if Ford would ever say anything to his now single friend.

Being the emotionally constipated coward he was, Aggie resigned herself after another month to the fact that he wasn’t going to confess his feelings anytime soon. Neither of them would. They just kept dancing around each other, staring at the other when they weren’t looking. It irritated her to no end.

As the building process was winding down and Aggie and Fidds were stuck on the debugging phase, Ford retreated with increasing frequency to his room to meditate. Perhaps he was avoiding them, or spending more time with Bill.

“I’m worried about Ford. He’s been acting strange.”

“Aw, Ford’s always been a bit introspective. It’s part of his process.” Fiddleford said dismissively as he examined the lines of code.

“This is different. I don’t know if he’s too lost in his own world, or if he wants to be lost. I think you should talk to him and try to reason with him.” Aggie begged.

“What do you mean by that?” Fiddleford asked curiously.

Aggie but her lip. “I promised I wouldn’t tell you. But he’s in touch with, well, something outside this realm.”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“No, he’s befriended a full on interdimensional god. He sees the benefits, but none of the drawbacks.” Aggie explained.

“And you think this project might be a cause for alarm?”

“I think it could be a disaster.” Aggie declared.

“How would you know that?”

“You don’t think this could in any way go horribly wrong?” Aggie asked in surprise.

“Let’s hear him out. I’ve trusted Ford this long and he hasn’t let me down. Who knows? Maybe we’ll witness Yog Sothoth climbing out of this thing.” Fiddleford chuckled.

“This…this isn’t a joke.” Aggie scowled. “Look, he won’t listen to me, but he’d believe you. Talk to him, please?”

“I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try.”

Aggie nodded. “That’s something at least. Oh, we’ll also have to start writing a paper on this project soon enough if we still want any funding from the university. I’ve tried reminding Ford, but he seems catatonic most of the time.”

Fiddleford took off his glasses and wiped his forehead. “Looks like it’ll be up to us to burn the midnight oil then. Let’s see if this thing has a word processor on it.”

Chapter Text

The paper, if you could call it that, was in dire need of editing. They printed the rough draft on the printout reader on the computer- only for the text to show up in pictograms that looked eerily similar to Wingdings.

“Are you kidding me!” Aggie exclaimed, ripping the dot paper from the matrix printer. “Now what are we going to do?”

“Get a typewriter, I reckon.” Fiddleford replied. He stood up from the office chair and stretched. “We’ve been here long enough anyway. Do you want to go back upstairs?”

Aggie nodded, and they took the elevator back to the main floor.

Fidds went to check on Ford, only to find him sitting in a circle of lit candles, his legs crossed on the floor, his arms raised. He was meditating again.

“Looks like he’s not coming back to earth for a while,” Fiddleford whistled.

They let Ford have his peace and made their way to the kitchen.

“How much of the weird stuff do you know about this place already?” Aggie asked as she poured a glass of water for each of them.

“I’ve been to the spaceship, and the woods.” Fidds pointed out. He accepted his glass and drank it in one sitting. He placed it on the counter. “What else is there?”

“The lake has monsters, or so I’ve been told.” Aggie replied. She took a sip. “And there are the subterranean dinosaurs.”

“Golly, dinosaurs? Now that’s something. Shame I never went into paleontology, I always did have a fondness for the scaly critters.” Fiddleford looked contemplative. “Guess it runs in the family, Tate is wild for them too.”

“I thought you had a doctorate in chemistry and mechanical engineering?” Aggie asked curiously.

“Don’t forget robotics and biotechnology.” Fidds added cheerfully, putting his hands in his coat pockets. “It’s not twelve, but not too shabby.”

“I only have two, so consider me impressed!” Aggie replied. Aggie finished her glass and placed them in the sink.

He shrank at the praise. “Well, it’s easy to forget when you’re surrounded by these super science types, they’re always trying to one up each other.”

“I prefer practical experience to be honest,” Aggie declared. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

They grabbed a flashlight, the Polaroid, the grappling hook, some rope, a few bottles of water and their raincoats. Aggie stuffed them in her bag. As they made plans for a light walk outside, there wasn’t any need to be too prepared. Aggie opened the door and they aimlessly strolled outside. They walked into the woods, close to where the flying dinosaurs hunted.

She examined the treeline, and ran her fingers over the bark. “Sap. We’re almost there.”

She walked over to the entrance of the abandoned church. Fiddleford followed her curiously. Aggie grinned. “Want to see a T-Rex?” She asked.

“Is he the pastor?” Fiddleford asked jokingly.

“Probably not. Sounds slightly blasphemous anyway.” Aggie grabbed the rotted door and pushed it to the floor.

They spent the afternoon wandering the caves, narrowly avoiding dinosaur attacks, taking photos, and having a fun adventure. After narrowly avoiding the pterodactyl, they decided to call it quits and climb back up to the surface.

As Fidds flipped through the stack of photos in his hand, Aggie could see he was grinning.

“These are incredible! Has Ford ever thought about writing on this?”

“Not in his field,” Aggie shrugged. “Plus, he’s been a bit one track lately.”

Fidds laughed. “You don’t have to remind me. I think I would have gone stir crazy myself, cooped up with him in that house. At least I have you to talk to. No idea how Ford spent five years here by himself.”

“That, I can understand. If I could get away from everyone, never have to interact with the outside world ever again, I would.” Aggie said as she looked at the clearing, trying to find her bearings. “We went this way, right?”

“Think so. But, thanks. I definitely needed this.”

“Should we head into town to get a typewriter?” Aggie asked.

“So we have the budget for one?” Fidds asked.

“Well…we could steal one?” Aggie suggested.

“What, just walk into a Radio Shack and stuff it in your jumpsuit?”

“Speedsuit. And I mean, where else would we find one? Dumpster diving behind offices?” Aggie asked skeptically. Fiddleford considered it.

“I brought my laptop from home. Give me some time, and I can try to connect it to our printer in the basement. It should be quiet enough.”

“A laptop?” Aggie asked.

“It’s a tiny computer. It’s so small you could place it on your lap! Heats up something fierce though.”

“Neat.”

When they arrived back at the house, Ford was sitting at the kitchen table, hunched over a cup of coffee. As soon as he saw them walking into the kitchen he glowered around them.

“Where the hell were you two? I was worried sick!” Ford shouted.

“We went out for a walk.” Aggie replied, putting away the items in her bag. “We went to see the dinosaurs. Fidds took pictures!”

“And what made you want to take an unsanctioned non-work related expedition? Don’t you know how dangerous that was? Both of you could have gotten yourself killed and I would never have known what happened to you!” Ford berated them. “Honestly, Dr. Davis. I’m disappointed in your recklessness.”

“We aren’t robots, Dr. Pines. I don’t know about you, but some of us need some outside enrichment every now and then. Spending all our time on this portal isn’t healthy!” Aggie shouted back. “Back me up, Fidds.”

“Aggie does have a point.”

Ford looked at his friend with betrayal etched on his face. “Et tu, Brute?”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” Aggie replied. “Look, we’re on schedule. All we have to do is write that paper on the portal, and we’re good to go.”

“Paper?” Ford asked. “Who said anything about a paper?”

“The university board? Or else you lose your grant, remember?” Aggie asked back in frustration.

Ford stared at her blankly.

“You couldn’t have possibly forgotten!” Aggie exclaimed, grabbing her hair in frustration. “They sent that letter a week ago!”

“Has…it been that long? How much time has passed?” Ford muttered. He sounded so tired.

Fiddleford placed his hands on Ford’s shoulder, allowing the smaller man to lean on him in support. “Maybe you need to get some rest there, buddy. Aggie and I can take care of this.”

“We can’t let anyone know about the portal,” Ford protested, pushing Fiddleford away. “No one can know!” He looked crazed, like a wild animal as his eyes darted across the room.

Fiddleford and Aggie exchanged looks of concern. “Okay,” Aggie agreed, trying to placate him. “We can write on something else. Buy some time until we’re ready.”

Ford relaxed, and Fiddleford guided him up the stairs.

“That’s it, buddy. You’re doing a good job!” Fidds cheered, before realizing he was treating his friend like a small child. “Sorry, force of habit.”

“I think it’s necessary,” Aggie replied as she helped carry Fold up the stairs. They grabbed both sides of him, essentially dragging their exhausted, but still petulant friend to bed.

“Let go of me, I’m not tired.” Ford complained.

They ignored him. Aggie opened the door to Fords room as they dragged him the last few feet, using his weight to push him onto the bed when they let go. They took off his shoes and socks, and his overcoat, folding it neatly on top of the dresser. Fiddleford got out a pair of pajamas, and after some meek protests, allowed them to change his clothes.

“We’ll check up on you in an hour, but for now you’ve got to sleep.” Fiddleford declared. “Doctor’s orders.”

“You’re not a medical doctor.” Ford protested.

“Don’t care, you’re still going to bed, or…no jellybeans for you.”

“Jellybeans?” Aggie asked, folding her arms.

“He can’t get enough of them. They don’t have the kind he likes here, I brought a suitcase of them with me. But only I know where they’re located.” Fidds said triumphantly. He knew that would get him riled up, but there was nothing coming from that end of the room.

“Goodnight, Ford.” Aggie said, waiting for something.

No response. Ford was already fast asleep.

Later that night, Fidds created his own word processor from scratch for his laptop, and they typed out a new paper on their dinosaur outing from that afternoon. Aggie brought out a bottle of wine she’d bought on her way over here and they uncorked it, letting their creativity flow as they got drunk.

“Not portal worthy, but it should get us published somewhere,” Fidds declared.

“We could write the other one too,” Aggie suggested.

“Ford won’t be too happy about that.”

“Ford’s not the only one on this project, we are a team.” Aggie replied. “If we want to keep our funding, we have to write about the portal, the dinosaurs won’t cut it. So why not write about what we know, and maybe just say it’s theoretical. It’s not like we know yet if it’s going to work anyway.”

Fiddleford looked skeptical.

“Do you want to show them all? Stick it to the super science types?” Aggie asked rhetorically. “All their money, all their arrogance, and we were the ones to figure out dimensional travel! We don’t even have a fancy lab, we did it from the basement of a log cabin.”

He looked pensive. “You might have a point there. Alrighty, let’s show them what we’ve been up to.”

They rewrote their rough draft from yesterday, and spent the rest of the night editing. By morning, they printed the papers out, placed them in a Manila envelope and sent it to the mailbox.

“I hate papers, I’m glad that was over.” Aggie declared. She stretched her arms out. “Ugh, my back is killing me.”

“Not as fun as the practical stuff, that’s for sure.” Fidds agreed blearily, as he took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. He yawned.

As soon as they headed inside, they collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep.

Aggie woke up to find herself in a maze of doors, in a never ending hallway.

“Hello?” She asked, she only heard an echo- until the echo turned into a high pitched laugh.

A yellow triangular figure in a top hat appeared in front of her, his singular eye large and looming.

“You shouldn’t have done that, kid. Now, you’re in big trouble.”

“What do you mean?” Aggie asked nervously. “Who are you?”

“You know who I am!” Bill shouted. All the doors opened at once, each of her memories playing from inside, loud and overwhelmingly. Aggie closed her eyes and covered her ears.

“Hey! Look at me!” Bill shouted. He snapped his fingers and the doors closed, leaving them in complete silence.

“So, what are you going to do to me?” Aggie asked.

“I could have Fordsy kill you.” Bill said casually. “But it might be just as fun watching him spiral from your betrayal. He’s already so fragile, something this big could make him lose grip of reality altogether.”

“No! I was just trying to help!” Aggie protested.

“By thinking you know best?” Bill asked, floating right in front of her. “I can see why you two like each other, you have a lot in common.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Bill dismissed, floating away. “You know, that paper is not going to stay within the university, it’s going to spread. And guess who else is wanting to get their grubby little hands on the portal?”

“Jonas could make his own if he wanted to.” Aggie argued.

“Not him. Rand.”

Aggie’s eyes widened.

“Bingo. Yes, you are an idiot.” Bill snapped his fingers, and the doors disappeared.

“What do I do?” Aggie asked.

“Not my problem.” Bill replied.

Aggie woke up, this time, back in the living room. Fiddleford was still asleep on the other end of the couch, judging from the light, it was probably noon. She ran over to the mailbox, but nothing was there. It was too late, now they would have to wait and face the consequences.

Chapter Text

Aggie dreaded having to tell Ford the truth. She knew she’d have to sometime, but for now she was willing to avoid it for as long as possible.

A day passed, then a week. Still no word from the board.

They were almost at the testing phase. All that was left was troubleshooting.

The first day they flipped the switch to see if the portal would even turn on, they held their breath. As each part of the machine turned on one by one, the hum of the engines increased in frequency- the lights of the runes flashed from the base- their intensity blazing as slowly, the aperture of the portal swirled - first an inch in diameter, then larger, as the bright blue light emitted from the steel circle. It glittered like a pool of water reflecting the stars.

“It works!” Ford cried, as he held onto the lever in the portal chamber.

“Well, I’ll be. It actually worked.” Fidds muttered, still holding onto the control panel.

Aggie didn’t like the look of it. It pulsated with a horrible aura.

Ford laughed, his joy from their hard work finally coming to fruition.

He threw the lever, causing the portal to close. Aggie could feel herself relax.

He walked over to the outer chamber where Fidds and Aggie were sitting by the control panel

“This test was a resounding success!” Ford exclaimed. “We did it. Let’s start testing tomorrow, I asked a dressmaker in town to lend us some mannequins she wasn’t using. We can tether them to us and see where something from our world is able to go through.”

“Is that a good idea?” Aggie asked.

“Do you have any other suggestions?” Ford responded.

Aggie shook her head.

“That’s settled then. Come on, gang. I think this deserves a celebration! Who’s up for a game of DDND?” Ford grabbed his game from his workbench, and whistled as he walked upstairs.

“We’ll have to tell him.” Fiddleford noted. “Now that it works, it’s only going to draw more attention.”

Aggie bit her lip. “I’ll tell him, later tonight.”

Ford was in a good mood that evening. He opted to DM, and helped them navigate a rather ambitious campaign that neither Aggie or Fiddleford really understood, but appreciated the effort.

“So can my cleric cast a spell now?” Aggie asked.

“Have you completed the necessary calculations for velocity and impact?” Ford asked.

Aggie picked up her pencil and scribbled something down. “Yes.”

“You can, when it’s your turn.” Ford replied.

“I cast giant robot on Aggie’s cleric, rendering them dead.” Fiddleford declared.

“Fidds! That’s not a sanctioned spell. This is high fantasy, there are no giant robots.” Ford said in exasperation.

“Then it’s powered by magic!”

The phone rang. Ford stood up. “I’ll get it. Why don’t you read the handbook again one more time while I’m gone.”

As Aggie argued with Fidds about her now dead character, Ford picked up the phone and listened.

“You read my paper, and want to double my funding? Well, that’s…certainly unexpected. Thank you. Yes, yes. I’ll keep you updated if anything changes. Of course, I’ll prepare for visits from any interested trustees. Thank you.” Ford placed the phone back on the receiver and listlessly trudged back to his seat.

“I just had an interesting call with the university board, who somehow knows about the portal.”

Fiddleford looked away, Aggie’s eyes widened in fear.

“Would either of you care to explain how that happened?” Ford asked quietly.

“It was my fault.” Aggie exclaimed. “I wrote the paper and sent it out. I wanted you, I wanted us, to be recognized for all the work we’ve put into this.”

Ford looked devastated. His hands rested limp in his lap. “Aggie, how could you? I thought I could trust you.”

“I was only thinking about you! If you lose your grant, you wouldn't be able to even keep the portal running in the first place!” Aggie argued. “And once everyone knows what you can accomplish, you will get everything you deserve. You think about it, we could even get the Nobel for this.”

“Dammit, I don’t care about any of that. You went behind my back and you couldn’t even tell me afterwards. That’s low, Aggie.” He ran his hand through his hair as he started pacing. “I don’t know why, but it seems there’s always someone trying to stop me. First there was Stanley, now it’s you…I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry, Ford.” Aggie said numbly.

“You’re fired, get out.” Ford replied.

Aggie was stunned. She nodded wordlessly, then went upstairs to pack her things.

“If she’s going, so am I.” Fiddleford declared standing up.

“Not you too.” Ford said in disappointment. He frowned. “Fine then. If you want to leave, be my guest. I don’t need anyone.”

Aggie angrily stuffed her limited possessions in her suitcase. Unbelievable! After everything she had done, Ford could so easily discard her.

“Well, we had a good run.” Fiddleford declared, leaning outside her door.

“I thought he’d at least see things from my perspective, and understand why we did what we did.” Aggie complained. “I hoped we could move past this.”

Fidds looked away. “I guess not. What are you going to do? Do you have somewhere to go?”

“I can figure something out.” Aggie replied, closing her suitcase.

“Come work for me. I could always use the help.”

“You’re leaving too?” Aggie asked, surprised.

“Wouldn’t seem fair to let you take all the blame.”

They climbed down the stairs, suitcases in hand.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Ford?” Fiddleford asked. “If Aggie apologizes, will you let her stay?”

“How can I work with her again if I can’t trust her?” Ford asked.

Suddenly, there was a loud banging at the door.

Ford looked alarmed. “I don’t think we were expecting anyone.”

The pounding became louder. “Open up, I can’t take another minute in this godforsaken mosquito trap.” The voice on the other end shouted.

“Rand.” Aggie whispered. “He’s here.”

“What do we do?” Fiddleford asked.

“Could we ignore him?” Ford asked Aggie.

“Possibly, but he will break in.” Aggie replied.

Ford sighed. “I guess we have no choice then.” He strode over and opened the door, causing Rand to almost lose his balance before leaning against the doorway.

“About time. The name’s Rand. Rand Ridley, you might have heard of me, I’m the founder and CEO of Cognito Inc. Glad to meet ya.” He lifted out his hand to shake. “You must be Dr. Stanford Pines.”

Ford did not accept the handshake. “The pleasure’s all mine.” He said with no emotion. “Please, do come in.”

Rand gave a low whistle as he kept his hands in his pockets. “Not much of a workspace you’ve got going here. It’s…cozy.”

“It’s my home.” Ford said stiffly, “As well as my research station.”

“Got it. Done some of my best work in my garage when I was starting out, but where do you keep your lab?” Rand asked pointedly.

“That information is confidential.” Ford replied.

Rand winked. “Right. Gotta keep mum until you get it in writing, I get it. Let’s talk business, Stanford. I can offer you a job at Cognito, all the resources you could possibly ever want, power beyond anything you could ever imagine. And that’s just the signing bonus.”

“Pass.”

Rand looked skeptical. “Really? Out of all of the very few people I’ve offered this deal to, you are the first to refuse.”

“You don’t have anything I or my team could possibly want. We are conducting research for science’s sake. And I don’t know what plans you have for this portal, but you’re not going anywhere near it.”

Rand glanced over at Aggie and Fiddleford and laughed. “Holy shit, is that you Davis? Figures I’d find you in this backwater. How long have you been here since I fired you? Weeks?”

“Hello, Rand.” Aggie said moodily, folding her arms.

“I bet you convinced poor little Stanford here that I’m the bad guy.” He laughed. “Well pal, you’ll find out soon enough she’s a piece of work!”

“Oh, I’m well aware.” Ford replied.

Rand snorted. “I like you. You sure I can’t convince you to join me?”

“I’m afraid not, allow me to walk you to the door.”

It wasn’t long until Rand pulled Ford’s arms behind his back, placing one arm over Ford’s mouth, the other holding a gun pressed to his back.

“If either of you want him to live, you’re going to take me to your lab to see this thing. I had a long flight over, it’s only polite.”

“You maniac!” Fiddleford shouted. “I’m calling the cops.” He stormed out of the room.

“Don’t bother, he controls them.” Aggie said wearily.

Rand winked. “You know me too well, Davis. Come on now, be a dear and help me out here.”

“You know I can’t.” Aggie replied, her hands shaking.

“You know, this is why I had to fire you. You weren’t willing to get your hands dirty. Now, wouldn’t it be such a waste to the scientific community if I had to kill your boss just to look at this thing.”

“You won’t be able to turn it on without him.” Aggie said confidently. “Only he has the instructions.”

“Then I’ll just have to take him back with me and see if I can convince him with a little help.”

Rand lifted what Aggie had thought was a normal gun, only to see it was one of her designs. It was a modified version of the memory wipe device, that emitted controlled doses of Myc’s mucus to make the target suggestive to requests. Rand placed it to Ford’s temple. “I tried to be reasonable…”

“Alright, I’ll take you!” Ford shouted.

Rand grinned. “See, that wasn’t so bad.”

Aggie watched as Ford guided Rand to the elevator, the gun still pointed at his head. Aggie turned to the kitchen, to find Fiddleford poised with a rake in his hand. They walked slowly, as quietly as possible until the were right behind the two men with their backs turned.

“The bookshelf thing is…cute. Oh who am I kidding? This is lame as hell.” Rand declared.

“Take this, Ridley!” Fiddleford shouted as he smacked the other man in the head, causing him to fall to the floor.

Ford escaped Rand’s grasp. He grabbed onto Aggie’s wrist, dragging her into the elevator with him.

“Oh no you don’t!” Rand shouted, only for Fidds to hit him again. Rand took out his device, sending a burst of toxin into his neck.

“Fidds!” Aggie shouted as the elevator door closed in front of them.

“What are we going to do?” Aggie asked, biting her nails. “That stuff contains a powerful neurotoxin. Fidds is basically going to be mind controlled into taking Rand down here.”

“Then we give him what he wants.” Ford declared.

“What do you mean?” Aggie whispered fearfully.

“Open her up, and let Bill take care of him.”

“Ford…that’s horrible.”

“You’re not soft on this guy, are you Aggie?” Ford asked. “You never really told me what your relationship was to him.”

“He was my asshole boss, nothing more. I might have hero worshipped him in the past, but that was before I knew the depths he’d sink just to make a quick buck, and how controlling and manipulative he was!” Aggie declared.

As the doors opened, Ford ran to the control panel to turn on the machine. As the lights of the runes started to turn on and the panels lit up, the metal creaking as it activated.

“Why don’t you press the button inside,” Ford directed Aggie. “I’ll take the journals. Once he’s inside, we’re going to have to make a getaway.”

Aggie frowned. “But Ford. This is your life’s work, you can’t leave this.”

“Not for good. We’ll just have to lie low for a while. Maybe stay in the bunker for a few weeks.”

Aggie went inside the antechamber to push the button, allowing the portal to open. She could feel the force of gravity pulling her inside as her feet floated an inch off the ground.

“Not bad at all, Pines!” Rand shouted. “This I can work with!”

“What did you do to my friend?” Ford shouted.

Fiddleford stood woozily, his eyes completely blank behind the eyes as Rand threw him in the chair.

“Just a little memory eraser, mood stabilizer. I wouldn’t order him around too much for the next 24 hours. He won’t be able to say no to anything. Watch this, quack like a duck.”

He quacked.

Rand chuckled. “Never gets old. Come on now, give me the grand tour.”

Ford nodded, and opened the reinforced door.

“As you can see, we’ve found a weak spot in our reality, and using electromagnetic pulses…”

“You’ve punched through!” Rand exclaimed. “We were always aware of the unique properties Gravity Falls, but there didn’t seem anything valuable here. This changes everything! How do you power this?”

“Nuclear waste.”

Rand laughed. “Good thing I’m not planning on having kids anytime soon. Guess you aren’t either, Davis?”

Aggie glared at him. “Do you want a closer look?” She asked.

“Lead the way.” Rand wrapped his arm around her shoulder that was more a threat than a friendly gesture. “No tricks here, honey. I have all the cards. I always do.”

Aggie lead him to the edge, past the danger line, so he could examine the frame and the power source.

“Incredible.” He muttered. “Have you tested objects through the portal?”

“Not live ones.” Aggie admitted.

“Then let’s start.” Rand grabbed onto her wrist and shoulder tightly, pushing her head inside the portal.

Aggie closed her eyes out of instinct, opening them to see Bill staring back at her in a purple world full of other horrible creatures. Aggie screamed.

“Well, well. It looks like we have a guest. Did you want to say hi, Aggie? My friends have heard so much about you.”

The other demons laughed as they advanced near her.

Suddenly, she felt herself being pulled back.

“We need to close it!” Aggie screamed. “Bill’s demon friends are going to come through!”

Ford stared in surprise. “What?”

Suddenly, the large green monster and the smaller turquoise one with a keyhole in its face jumped out of the portal, ready to attack.

“Fascinating!” Rand said. He lifted up a small device, an immobilizer, and sent a ray of proton inhibitors right at the demons. “But this should stop them in their tracks.”

“It might not work, they’re from another dimension.” Aggie said. Sure enough, their weirdness prevented any shot from hitting them as they were hit repeatedly. Rand started to swear as he ran from the creatures, dodging their attacks.

“You don’t want me, get her!” Rand shouted.

“All humans taste the same!” The keyhole demon shouted.

“Bill says you’re all fair game. Maybe we’ll take the whole combo!” The green one agreed.

Aggie used their distraction to get away and watched as the green demon grabbed Rand, dragging him into the portal. He dropped his memory gun.

“Aggie, you can’t let them take me, not like this!” Rand shouted, dropping his memory wipe device. Aggie tore out the glass cartridge, throwing it on the floor as Myc’s
mucus turned into a toxic gas upon impact, filling the room with powerful vapors. The demons coughed, covering their faces.

“Let’s get out of here!” The keyhole demon shouted, the green one following him back in.

Rand and Aggie coughed, trying to cover their faces from the gas, and failing. Rand fell over, wheezing and immobile. Aggie thought about throwing Rand in the portal, but no matter how much she hated him, she couldn’t. She pressed the button, closing the portal. She grabbed Rand, and dragged him back towards the reinforced door, pounding weakly for Ford to open up.

As soon as the door opened, she dragged Rand back in and they closed the chamber. Ford deactivated the rest of the portal mechanisms, and lifted Aggie up from the floor, pulling her into his arms.

“Don’t touch me,” she wheezed. “I need to decontaminate. Get Fidds out of here, start packing your stuff, we need to go. You go first, we’ll take the next elevator.”

Ford nodded, taking immediate action.

As the elevator door closed behind her, Aggie tried to stay awake. If she slept, the neurotoxin would make her forget everything that had happened, and she couldn’t leave an unconscious Rand with the portal controls.

So she started reciting the table of elements until Ford arrived. She reached the Alkali Metals when he returned. He helped drag Rand into the elevator.

Ford put on a gas mask as they rode up. “You should probably take off those clothes. You can change when we get back.”

Aggie agreed, throwing her clothes on the floor. When they reached the main floor she hobbled to her suitcase and pulled out and extra speedsuit, snapping on the buttons as Ford dragged Rand outside.

“I’m going to drive him away from the house, back into the woods.”

“Good,” Aggie rasped. “Once he comes to, he won’t remember why he was here. Keep the windows open.”

As he left, Aggie went to check on Fiddleford, who looked better, but still dazed.

“What…what was that?” He asked wearily.

“Memory eraser, and a mood stabilizer,” Aggie replied, her throat feeling like sandpaper. “Powerful toxin from an alien sentient fungal species.”

Fidds blinked. “And here I was trying to use electroshock frequencies,” he chuckled.

“What?” Aggie asked.

“Don’t worry about it, honey.” He replied, patting her shoulder. He rolled over the side of the couch, onto the floor, fast asleep.

Aggie slapped herself, trying to stay awake. She rocked back and forth, singing Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’

Ford returned about fifteen minutes later, looking only slightly worse for wear.

“How’s Fiddleford?” He asked worriedly.

“He’ll live,” Aggie rasped.

“Will you?” Ford replied.

“Let’s get in the car, and we’ll figure it out. You’re going to have to drive though. Do you have the journals?” Aggie asked.

“Yes. Why?”

“We’ll need to lock up the house. I know a place we can hide out that not even Rand will touch, but it’s a long drive. I’ll get Fidds in the car, if you get the bags.”

As soon as they reached the car, Aggie braced herself, hopefully the navigation device she built still worked. Fiddleford was fast asleep in the back. Ford turned the keys in the ignition. “Where are we going?”

“Navigation, create a route to the Venture Compound.”

Chapter Text

———————————————————————

The road is endless under the desolate night sky. There is nothing beyond the blackness out of reach of the headlights.

As Aggie let out rough, jagged breaths, she tried to sneak a glance at Ford, who was huddled against the passenger seat, his arms folded into himself as he leaned against the window, staring at nothing. By this point, Fiddleford was fast asleep in the backseat, his limbs sprawled over the cloth seats, snoring deeply.

She heard a beep from navigation and swore under her breath.

“I’m going to have to switch to manual and drive this myself.” Aggie muttered.

“Do whatever you want.” Ford mumbled. “Crash the car for all I care. All those years of research, my life’s work, up in smoke for nothing.”

“You can always go back.” Aggie replied, shifting gears as they drove down the mountainous roads.

“Ridley’s not the type to give up so easily.” Ford said darkly. “I wouldn’t put it past him to bring reinforcements.”

Aggie shook her head. “That’s not the Rand I know. He’s willing to move mountains as long as he comes out on top. This was an embarrassing defeat, even by his standards. He’s going to move on to something he can more easily control.”

Ford gave a small harrumph in acknowledgment.

“What about the other guy? The smarmy one, Sheinpaw or something?” Ford asked. He glanced at Aggie and frowned. She was biting her lip in concentration as she leaned over the steering wheel, focusing intently on the road.

Ford was so mad at her. Livid. Furious. He was never going to forgive her for this. He had trusted her, and she made him a fugitive.

“JR? Unless he could monetize it, he doesn’t care. Was Bill providing anything on your backend?” Aggie asked lightly.

“Don’t say his name.” Ford replied through gritted teeth. “You…what did you do to upset him? To call those creatures of his to attack us?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Aggie objected. “If anything, this was probably the most fun he’s had in a while.”

Ford shook his head. “You don’t know him at all. Bill is…rambunctious, but he wouldn’t hurt anyone without cause.”

“We can agree to disagree.” Aggie huffed, turning the steering wheel. “You have eyes. We have empirical data that Bill does enjoy a nice bit of attempted murder.”

“He was protecting the portal.” Ford argued.

“There are other ways to do that don’t involve letting me get eaten.” Aggie said through gritted teeth.

“Perhaps, if you hadn’t betrayed our trust,” Ford said with distaste, “it wouldn’t have had to come to this.”

She turned to look at her former boss, his hair was in disarray, the bags under his eyes dark and puffy, and his nose even redder than usual. Aggie thought he had never looked so handsome. She had to keep her eye on the road, but kept stealing glances at the man, who was lost in his own thoughts.

She felt her eyes getting heavy as she stared at the white dotted lines on the road, and felt her mind drift to fantasies about this man, only for her to shake her head in disgust. No, this was too pathetic, even for her. She noticed Ford was fidgeting, adjusting to find a position to sleep comfortably in her cramped sedan.

“I’m going to take a stop at the next exit. There’s a motel we can stay the night at.” Aggie declared.

Ford looked skeptical. “Aren’t we, well, on the run? Do you think that’s the best idea?”

“I don’t like our chances on the road.” Aggie countered. She looked at the backseat. “Might also be a good idea to check on Fidds while we’re at it.”

The stopped at a tiny roadside town somewhere in Idaho. Aggie booked the room, two double beds for the night. As the manager handed her the keys, he saw Ford dragging Fiddleford’s unconscious body out of the car.

“Oh, he’s fine.” Aggie laughed lightly. “I swear.”

The manager rolled his eyes. “None of my business what you’re up to. But adding another guest will cost extra.”

Aggie left the front desk and helped Ford drag Fidds into their room.

“How’s he doing?” Aggie asked.

“Could be worse, but also could be better. I haven’t seen him like this since he was taken hostage by 216.”

Aggie shuddered, remembering the time Ford’s project had tied them up, intending to do them in before Ford was able to figure out the truth. Thankfully, he had noticed something was wrong. Thankfully, they had been able to get it back in the containment unit.

They locked the door behind them and placed Fiddleford on the bed closest to the door. Ford checked his pupils.

“He’ll be like this for a while.” Aggie noted. “It was a strong dose. I should know, I synthesized it myself.”

“Can’t you fix him?” Ford asked irritably.

“Not without a lab, and maybe some samples from Myc. It’s best we let him sleep it off.” Aggie said. She stretched her arms over her head and yawned. “Well, I’m beat. I’m going to head to bed.”

“How can you sleep at a time like this?” Ford asked.

“Because I’m tired?” Aggie countered. She unzipped her speed suit, sliding out of it one leg at a time, neatly folding it up and placing it on the edge of the bed. She climbed into the bed, taking off her glasses.

“Feel free to pace all you want. But I’ll need some energy to keep driving.” Aggie said. She turned off the light, and watched as Ford eventually gave up, curling into the armchair and falling into a fitful sleep.

When Aggie awoke, she could feel the sunlight streaming over her face.

“About time you got up, Sleeping Beauty.” Ford said. “It’s already nine.”

“You let me sleep that long?” Aggie asked.

“It was like trying to wake the dead! And we’d know from experience.” She could hear Fidds say from the other end of the room. He walked over and handed her a coffee and a muffin.

“You look better.” Aggie remarked, taking the coffee from his hands.

Fiddleford shook his head. “I don’t feel better. Could barely remember anything until Ford filled me in. What was that stuff anyway?”

“Top Secret Cognito Business.” Aggie replied with a wink. “Though I might still be able to bribe Myc into meeting you. He still owes me a favor.”

Fiddleford shook his head. “I’ll stick with my own designs for now.”

“So what’s the plan? Get to the Venture Compound, then what?” Ford asked.

Aggie contemplated their next moves, holding her coffee in her hands. “Is Bill still in contact with you?”

Ford’s mouth made a thin line. “Yes.”

“I didn’t know his presence could travel that far.” Aggie remarked.

“His power is weaker, that is true, but as long as I’m bound to our deal, he will always be a part of me.” Ford said morosely.

“Then we got to fix that.” Aggie declared, getting out of bed.

“Aren’t you going to put on some clothes first?” Fiddleford asked, covering his eyes in surprise.

Aggie looked down, noticing she was still in her underwear. “I’ll get my speed suit on, but what about the whole ‘we’re professionals, the human body is nothing to be ashamed about,’ thing I kept hearing?”

“Where did you hear that?” Fiddleford asked, looking over at Ford, who shrugged. Aggie rolled her eyes as she quickly dressed.

As Aggie made her way back to the room after checking out, she could hear the two of them out of earshot. Frantically, she hid underneath the window to listen in.

“What on earth were you two doing over there that this poor girl thinks it’s normal to act like that? She just gets undressed in front of you?” Fiddleford asked.

“I didn’t make her do anything, if that’s what you’re implying. I just don’t see what the big deal is. Human anatomy is not inherently inappropriate.”

“You’re completely glossing over what I was asking. Is there anything between you two…”

“No, there’s nothing of the sort going on between Aggie and I.” Ford said firmly. “The idea of it is ridiculous.”

Aggie felt the hot tears stinging her eyes, and shook her head. Yeah, that sounds about right. Why would there be anything happening now or ever?

She walked around to the door of their room and knocked. “Ready to go?” She asked.

They drove for a few hours, until they stopped by a diner for lunch.

As they waited for their food, Aggie noticed two people conspicuously staring at them from the booth over. One was a rather ugly looking, thin woman with a sharp nose, thick sunglasses and an cheap red wig wearing a tight dress and smoking a cigar. The other was a large muscular mountain of a man with a curly blonde mullet.

Aggie hid her face in her menu. “Crap. Crap. Crap.”

“What is it?” Ford asked.

“OSI. They’ve followed us. And brought the big guns. You see the one with the cigar? That’s Hunter Gathers. No idea what’s up with the dress, still rocking it though. And the fella next to him is Brock Sampson. I’ve heard of him from his work against Sphinx. You do not want to mess with him. We need to get out of here fast or we’re dead.” Aggie whispered.

Ford looked over at the next table.

“Don’t look at them!” Aggie hissed.

“What could they want?” Fiddleford asked.

“OSI probably wants the portal.” Ford said.

They stood up, and quietly moving out of the restaurant through the kitchen.

“Going so soon?” Gathers asked smugly.

Sampson grabbed a knife from the chopping block, throwing it in their direction.

“Move!” Aggie shouted.

They dodged as Sampson ran at them, throwing various kitchen appliances abd food. Sampson managed to throw a whole pig’s head as he screamed in rage, adrenaline pumping through his veins.

They piled in the car as Aggie frantically turned the ignition, watching as Sampson sprinted towards them. She took off, reversing at top speed until she heard a thud.

“Did we hit him?” Ford asked.

Fiddleford looked up, “he’s on the roof!”

Sampson clutched the roof of the car as Aggie drove eighty miles per hour on the freeway. They could hear him roar, and adjust his balance, ripping the metal of the roof from the windshield.

Aggie stepped on the accelerator, while Sampson grabbed her by the hair, yanking her from the driver’s seat as Ford grabbed the steering wheel.

“Hey!” Aggie shouted. Panicking, she kicked him, but it made no difference. She struggled, grabbing her glasses, and using one tips, she poked him in the eye. She could hear him scream in pain. Sampson lifted her up, and then slammed her onto the remaining roof of the car. Her face burned from the hot metal and she could feel her ears ringing. Sampson lifted her up again, ready for the final blow.

“Take this!” Ford shouted. He pulled out what looked like a shrinking crystal, and flashed it at him, causing Sampson to shrink in size until Aggie could feel his grip falling away from her as they both fell down into the car. By this point, Sampson was now four inches tall.

Fiddleford caught him, and placed him in one of the specimen jars Aggie had laying about in her backseat.

“That was close.” Aggie said, trying to catch her breath.

“What should we do with him?” Fiddleford asked.

“Toss him on the side of the road.” Ford declared.

Aggie noticed Sampson trying to push through the glass, climbing up the walls, and falling down.

“Let’s…put a pin on that.” Aggie said. She clicked open her communicator watch, as Gathers showed up on her screen.

“You better have a damn good reason as to why you’re not here already and what you’ve done with my agent, or I’ll string you and those eggheads ninnies up by your unmentionables until you can’t even say uncle!” Gathers screamed.

“That wig isn’t doing you any favors, Hunter.” Aggie retorted.

“What would you know, you uncoordinated harpy!” Gathers said gruffly, reflexively fixing his wig.

“Here’s the deal. We’ve got you agent. We’ll let him go if you call if the search and let us go on our way.”

“I’m afraid I can’t, hot stuff. Orders from top brass. You and that Pines fellow need to come in and tell us everything you know about that portal of yours, tout suite, and that isn’t a request.”

“Who’s orders? Treister? Secret President?” Aggie asked.

“That is way beyond your clearance level. Now give me back my agent!”

Aggie paused, weighing her options. “I think we’ll hold onto him for now. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him.”

She hung up before Gathers could go on a tirade.

“Really Aggie? Kidnapping?” Ford asked.

“Call it a hunch, but I think we can make this work in our favor.” Aggie declared.

Only a few more hours to the Venture Compound. She hoped Rusty wouldn’t mind a few surprise guests.

Chapter Text

————————————————————————-

Stan wasn’t so sure about this henching business.

Sure, it beat some of his other jobs, and it kept his head down as long as Rico was looking for him, but he wasn’t really sold on being called Shadowman 15. So far, the purple leotard and the googles were not doing him any favors. And it kept riding up into the mother of all wedgies.

His fingers fidgeted in boredom as he stood in a row with the other henchmen. One of the other new recruits, couldn’t have been more than a kid, some scrawny beanpole with eyebrows for days, also seemed distracted.

Stan nudged Shadowman 24, who groaned. “Hey, cut it out man! That hurt.”

“What’s up with Eyebrows?” Stan muttered. “Looks like he’s looking for a way out. Does he know something we don’t?”

24 rubbed the part of his shoulder Stan hit. “That’s gonna leave a mark. Oh, you mean 9? He’s been all weird since he had to bring Queen Etheria for training.”

Stan nodded. That girl was a piece of work. She hadn’t been there long, but the other henches couldn’t stop making themselves look like idiots around her, and she didn’t care.

“Hey,” 24 said, interrupting his train of thought. “I know we have to keep watch at this guild event, but after our shift is over, do you want to hang? I brought in my Nissan Stanza.”

Stan was thinking of a way to refuse his bunk mate when Phantom Limb confidently strode in, with Queen Etheria following by her side in those high heels and her tiny see through dress. What? He was only human, he was going to look! He briefly made eye contact with Etheria, who glared at him, then looked down at his shoes.

“Gentlemen. I can’t stress how important tonight’s event is for the sake of the Guild, and for your own sake. Since this will be the first time the Council is meeting Queen Etheria, I want nothing to happen outside of what is planned on the agenda. If I hear that anyone has breached our perimeter, or any soupçon of sabotage makes its way in tonight…”

Phantom Limb laughed in his effete yet threatening manner. His arms crackled with electricity as Stan noticed the outline of his thick muscular arms and hands. “I don’t need to go into the details. Now, Henchmen 1-14, you are on canapé duty. Henchmen 15-36, I need you on security detail. You know your orders, carry on.”

Stan knew Phantom Limb was all talk, but he still couldn’t get over the superpower stuff yet. He looked over at 24, who was picking at his teeth.

“So,” 24 said. “Are you ready to head out?”

“Wait!” They saw the beanpole running toward them, stopping abruptly to catch his breath. He leaned over, grabbing his knees as he panted.

“Jesus, kid, that was a five minute jog. How are you already out of breath?” Stan asked.

“I told you, you need to cut back on the cigarettes.” 24 chided.

“Yeah, well 15 sounds like he eats them.” 9 whined.

“Hey!” Stan protested in indignation. “That’s just how my voice sounds. Not like you have a problem with the Bossman’s girl sounding like that.”

9 scowled in annoyance. “Don’t you dare speak about her like that.” 9 stood up, adjusting himself. “I need to trade shifts with one of you. So c’mon, who’s up for canapé duty? It’s the world’s easiest gig.”

“Hard pass.” Stan said, folding his arms. “If I have to spend the next few hours handing out little quiches to Guild jerkoffs, I’ll probably do something I’ll regret.”

“You and me both.” 9 said darkly. He turned to 24. “What about you, 24? You seem like you’d enjoy standing around doing nothing.”

“Sure, why not?” 24 shrugged. “Beats standing outside with a tranq gun.”

After a visit to the armory- what a joke, it was a large walk in closet with guns- Stan and the beanpole headed outside. Their post wasn’t at the front entrance, but further out back by the parking lot. They were mostly on valet duty.

Stan reluctantly took the keys that were hastily thrust in his hand and attempted to park every amphibious car, tank, floating dirigible and other weird vehicle handed his way. So far, he was grateful for the spooky magic types who teleported. Though Vendata was nice enough to tip him five bucks. About halfway through, he noticed 9 had disappeared.

Stan rolled his eyes. “Figures I’d get stuck with the grunt work.”

Seeing that he was alone, he pulled out a cigarette he had in his boot, along with a lighter.

“Ha! That’s just what you sound like, my ass! You hypocrite!” 9 shouted.

Stan could see he had changed out of his costume and was decked out in a hideous yellow and black jumpsuit with butterfly wings and what looked like a repurposed motorcycle helmet.

Stan gave him a once over. “Huh. Didn’t know the circus was in town.”

9 rolled his eyes. “You’re just jealous.” He lifted up his butterfly wings and preened. “But no matter, for today you will be a part of history. Today, you will see the debut of…the Monarch!” Stan could swear he saw a flash of lightning in the distance.

“The Monarch? Is that guild sanctioned?” Stan asked, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“What do you think, knucklehead?” 9, no the Monarch said snidely.

“Hey, who are you calling a knucklehead?” Stan asked aggressively.

“I call it like I see it. Relax, Jersey. I’m not here for a fight. I need you to cover for me. I’m going in.” Monarch said confidently.

“You’re a moron.” Stan declared. “And how’d you know I was from Jersey?”

The Monarch rolled his eyes. “Like it wasn’t obvious from the minute you opened your mouth.”

“Oh, and where are you from fancypants?” Stan asked.

“Newark.”

“My condolences. Is that where you want me to ship your remains when Phantom Limb is done with you?”

“Oh, you’ll see. In fact, why don’t you spend a day as my henchman?”

Before he knew it, he found himself thrust into an even tighter yellow leotard with butterfly googles.

They went around to Phantom Limb’s airplane hanger, where the Monarch was keeping a vehicle hidden under a tarp.

“Behold, the Monarch mobile!” The Monarch shouted, revealing a hideous Chevy Impala with a butterfly turret painted on top.

“It’s something alright.” Stan huffed.

The Monarch rolled his eyes. “Just get in, jackass.”

Stan reluctantly got into the car, acting as a chauffeur to the ersatz supervillain.

They made their way into the foyer with no problems. No one seemed to notice anything.

“Watch this.” The Monarch said. With ease, he grabbed a glass of champagne and sauntered over to Queen Etheria, who was standing there on her own.

Stan knew he was a sitting duck, so he figured it would be his time to see how many supervillains he could pickpocket from before he got caught.

“So, now you’re number two-ing for…” the Monarch asked, smirking as he saw Queen Etheria take the bait.

“Phantom Limb, if you can even call it that!” She exclaimed. “I don’t do anything! I just stand around, in this skimpy outfit…”

“You look amazing! I can’t believe he treats you like that!” The Monarch said emphatically. “I mean, you are the most capable villain in this room.”

Everyone turned to look at him.

“You think?”

“Oh, I know.”

The Monarch saw in the corner of his eye Phantom Limb catching a glance at him.

“What say we step outside? The smell of diesel exhaust is killing me.” Monarch added, waving his hand over his nose to emphasize the stench.

“Leaving so soon?”

Monarch grimaced. Phantom Limb had caught onto him.

“I don’t think we’ve made our acquaintance before. Enchantee. I’m Phantom Limb.”

He presumably stretched out his hand, ready to zap.

“And I…must be going.” The Monarch said, sprinting towards the door.

“Call me!” He shouted in Queen Etheria’s direction, until he saw Bug Samurai and The Nerve blocking the door. His heels skidded, ready to collide, until he felt someone grabbing his collar.

“Looks like we’re jumping out the window.” Stan declared.

“What! Are you crazy?” The Monarch shouted.

“You tell me. What are these wings for on my back?” Stan shouted as he grabbed the slender man and slung him over his shoulder.

“They’re prototypes, I’ve never tested them!”

“No time like the present.”

Stan jumped off the balcony as the wings spring open, gliding for ten seconds, then plummeting to the ground onto a bush.

The Monarch coughed, trying to get out the leaves caught in his throat, only for Stan to cover his mouth and hold him in place, hiding in the thicket.

“Keep it down, or we’re both done for.” Stan hissed.

The Monarch, enraged, struggled against him.

“You want to get us killed, be my guest. You know, last time I was in this same situation in Colombia, the guy I was with did the same thing you’re doing now and got hacked to death with a machete.” Stan whispered. The Monarch stopped resisting.

They hid, as they watched their coworkers run past them, looking out towards the grounds for their whereabouts.

They waited, knowing any minute this could be it. Soon enough, the supervillains were filing out one by one.

“Looks like you killed the mood.” Stan whispered.

“Good. Now they can go home, and we can get out.” The Monarch said moodily.

As they stumbled out of the bush, they brushed out the twigs and leaves from their tight spandex costumes.

“Ugh, this thing has been riding up on me all night!” The Monarch complained, trying to pull his leotard back in position.

“So…um…hi.”

They turned around to see Queen Etheria standing in front of them, her arms folded.

“Oh, hi. I did not see you there.” The Monarch said nervously.

“I take it you’re not Guild sanctioned.” She said irritably.

“Not…yet.” The Monarch replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

She shook her head. “Look, I’ll level with you. I really like you, and I think you’ve really got something unique going for you. But you’ve got to do this right.”

“But…”

“No buts. Get registered, and we can talk.” She pulled out a business card from the inside of her sleeve. “Ignore the part on the front with my Guild info, I write my number on the back.”

The Monarch gently accepted it, their fingers briefly touching. “Thank you…”

“Sheila.” She replied. She winked. “You know, I’m thinking of heading out on my own, maybe I could use a number two of my own.”

As she walked away, the Monarch looked at the number morosely, crumpling it into his pocket.

“Why the long face, kid? You got her number.” Stan said. He counted his take, easily a couple hundred and a gold chain off the werewolf looking guy.

“She’ll only talk to me if I register with the Guild, but if I do that, they’ll only pair me with some loser on my level. I can’t accept that.”

“Why not?”

“Because there’s only one person I can arch, only one person who has filled me with so much rage, so much hate. And that’s Rusty Venture!” The Monarch shouted.

“Like the kid on tv?”

“Yes. The very same.”

“Then why don’t you go over there and prove you can take him on? Mano a Mano? Then the Guild will have to let you arch him.” Stan suggested half heartedly, as he slid the chain around his neck. It looked good. “If you want to give them a fight, fight back.”

“Hmm…” The Monarch stroked his chin, pacing as he contemplated this idea. “Alright then, get in. Let’s go kill Dr. Venture.”

Stan looked up in surprise, “Wait a minute, I didn’t say anything about killing…”

“Too late, we’re doing this. If you don’t, I’ll blame you for tonight’s fiasco and let Phantom Douche shock you.”

So, this was it. Pity, Stan was going to miss having a steady paycheck.

As they pulled out of the estate, Stan turned the signal, heading onto the highway. “So where are we going?”

“Colorado, I think?” The Monarch guessed.

“You mean you don’t know?” Stan asked.

“Hold on, I got a map in my dashboard.” The Monarch slammed open the glove compartment as he pulled out a bunch of junk. “Got it.”

“Ok, you’re on navigation then.” Stan declared. He pulled off the hood of his henchman’s costume, eager to breathe again.

“Nice mullet.” The Monarch snorted.

“You wish you had hair this gorgeous.” Stan retorted.

“I did. Back in college. I cut it before henching.”

They drove in silence for the next few exits, the lights passing by them as they rode in the near empty lanes.

“You know, you could focus a bit more on your branding.” Stan declared. “The Monarch has this double meaning, like you could be a king.”

“Yes…a king of butterflies!” The Monarch exclaimed. “That’s genius, I need to write this down.”

“Yeah, go nuts with it, that’s on the house.”

“You know, you’re not so bad yourself, 15.”

“I have a name, you know.”

“I don’t care to learn my henchmen’s names.”

“Well, you better if you don’t want to hitchhike.”

“Then what is it?”

“Stan. Stan Pines. And what’s yours? Don’t say The Monarch, I’ll call you that on the job but nowhere else. Not until you pay me.”

“It’s Macolm.” He said, slumping into his chair.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Oh, bite me.”

“Now that costs extra. I don’t do overtime. I also don’t work holidays, and I need PTO.”

“For what? You don’t have any family, or you wouldn’t be henching.” Malcolm snarked.

Stan cleared his throat. “So, this Venture guy. Tell me about him. Why do you hate him so much?”

Malcolm started on a tirade that didn’t end until they arrived at their destination.

Chapter Text

It was a unanimous decision to keep driving until they reached the compound, no stops. By sunset, they arrived at the iconic gates. Aggie parked the car and hit the buzzer.

“Um, can I help you?” She heard Rusty’s irritated voice crackling from the other end of the line.

“Rust, it’s me, Aggie. I’ve…gotten myself into some trouble.”

There was a pause.

“What kind of trouble?” He asked curiously.

“Best case scenario, I’m on the run from the OSI. Worst case, we might have caused the end of the world.”

“And how is that my problem? Look Aggs, I’m busy.”

“Rusty, I need your help. Please? You’re my only hope.” She begged.

“Laying it on a bit thick there, aren’t you?” Ford muttered.

They saw the gate slowly open, creaking under the weight of the poorly maintained steel.

“Alright. But only because you asked nicely.” He gloated.

Aggie drove into the circular driveway, parking near the grotesque statue of Rusty on Jonas’s shoulders. She hated seeing it. She pulled out the keys, and stuffed them in her jacket pocket along with Brock.

“I’ll do the talking for now,” Aggie insisted. Ford and Fiddleford nodded.

Rusty waited outside the entrance, leaning on the door. He looked terrible. Lanky, sickly with a unwashed blue polo shirt with a small gut, and plaid slacks. He was already balding, placing his remainder of bright orange hair in a ponytail. “So, what’s this big world ending threat you’re so hung up about?” He snickered.

“This isn’t something to take lightly, young man. We are dealing with interdimensional powers beyond our comprehension.” Ford snapped.

Rusty glared at him. “Young man? How old are you?”

“I think we need to start from the beginning.” Aggie deflected, trying to cool down the tension. “But first, I need to let this big guy out for air.” She took out the jar holding Agent Sampson and placed it on the circular coffee table in Venture’s sitting room.

“Holy shit. That’s my roommate.” Rusty remarked.

Aggie took a second look. “Huh, I guess you’re right. We’re eventually going to have to get him back to normal as soon as he can promise not to kill us. But to get to the point, interdimensional travel is possible, and there are things in there we do not want getting out.”

She briefly recounted the events that had occurred in her time at Gravity Falls, and the possible outcomes. Ford interrupted occasionally to correct her, or expand on her points.

“So…this Bill. He wants to come into our world. Why?”

“We aren’t sure, but we know his reasons aren’t well intended.” Aggie surmised. “And he has company. He can also possess anyone to help him in his goals, so we need to be on our guard.”

“We’ll get some tin foil, got it.” Rusty replied sardonically.

“I don’t think you understand the ramifications of what could…” Ford began.

“Trust me, I get it. I’ve gone through some sort of apocalypse every few years. Let’s just call my dad, and the rest of Team Venture…”

“I think we’re on our own for this one.” Aggie said. “You know, with the whole taking an OSI agent hostage, we’re kind of on the run and all that.”

Rusty’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh. Right.” He rubbed his chin, idly playing with his thin scraggly soul patch. Aggie could see he was already getting sweaty.

“What should we do?” Rusty asked.

“We need to find a way to stop Bill. First by cutting his connection to Stanford, and then by cutting his access to the portal.” Aggie replied.

“Ok, the first one seems easy enough.” Rusty said. “And the second? How on earth are you getting back to Oregon?”

“There’s no need for that, now that the portal is activated, it’s possible that Bill could be anywhere, all he needs to to expand the rift in reality the portal generates- that way he can create a physical form.” Ford explained.

“And you thought it was a good idea to trust him?” Rusty asked irritably.

“You don’t know what he’s like! He seemed brilliant, so charming! When I spoke to him, it seemed like he had a solution to all the world's problems, and I could only marvel at his intelligence…” Ford said wistfully.

Rusty frowned, folding his arms in himself. “No, I think I get it.”

They heard a clatter and a series of loud beeps. They turned to see Fiddleford had opened a panel in Helpr’s chest, and was examining its insides. Helpr was less than enthusiastic, and expressed its displeasure.

“What are you doing accosting my robot?” Rusty yelled.

Fiddleford stopped, having the decency to look embarrassed. “Shucks, I’m awfully sorry about that. I just can’t believe it! You have a genuine Helpr! I thought these were all recalled back in the fifties!”

“They were. Helpr however, is part of the family. And if you wouldn’t mind, I think he would like it if you stopped rummaging around for loose change in there. If you have any questions on how he works, I’m sure he’d be happy to answer them.”

“Golly! He can talk?” Fiddleford asked excitedly. He asked a few technical questions on specs, and Helpr replied in a string of beeps.

Fiddleford nodded. “Fascinating. Tell me more.”

“Now, where we’re we?” Rusty asked.

“Do you have anything in your lab that deals with the soul? Or how to get rid of an annoying demon?” Aggie asked.

“Not really my line of work.” Rusty said. “Though we can look in the phone book.”

Ford scoffed. “Do you really think we can find a master of the occult in the phone book?”

Rusty went over to the telephone. He licked his thumb, and flipped through the pages. “There! Dr. Byron Orpheus, Occultist. He looks local too.”

“No way.” Ford replied.

Rusty picked up the phone and dialed the number. He waited, then spoke. “Hello, Dr. Orpheus, this is Dr. Thaddeus Venture, I’m calling to inquire about your skills and see if I can book an exorcism?”

There was a pause. Ford was about to interrupt when Rusty held out his finger. “Oh, I’m not sure, I think it’s some sort of dream demon? Will that cost extra? Oh, free of charge you say? Perfect. We’ll see you tomorrow, buh bye.” Rusty loudly placed the phone back on the receiver. “See? That wasn’t so bad.”

“Anyone who advertises in the phone book must be a hack.” Ford scoffed.

“We’ll have to see. Now, do you want to see me demonstrate my growth ray?” Rusty asked.

“Do you have one?” Aggie responded curiously.

Rusty looked away, “Not yet. But I have a shrink ray, how hard can it be to convert it?”

“No need.” Ford replied. He picked up the specimen jar, placing it close to his face. “I am about to free you, under the condition you do not harm anyone in this room. Try anything, and I shrink you and step on you, got it?”

Sampson seemed to understand, nodding grimly.

Ford turned over the jar, opening its contents. Using the crystal, Sampson expanded in front of their eyes until he was back to his original size. They braced themselves, ready for attack. It didn’t come. Sampson stood there.

“What?” He asked.

“Are you not going to try to kill us?” Rusty asked.

“There doesn’t seem to be a point, not if you’re going to stop this end of the world thing, or whatever.” He pulled out a carton of cigarettes from his tactical belt, and a lighter, then sat down on the circular bench.

“Oh, well that’s good.” Aggie said, with false cheer.

Fiddleford looked out the window. “I don’t know if any of y’all noticed, but the sky is turning orange.”

“It’s the desert, it turns that color at sunset.” Rusty said dismissively.

“Not at 10pm.” Fiddleford replied. They looked at the sky, to see a thin line of swirling pinks and greens.

“Ok. We need a plan, and fast.” Rusty declared. Brock looked up at the sky, unimpressed.

“Fiddleford, do you remember that quantum pulse destabilizer we discussed building?” Ford asked.

“Do I? That was one of my favorite designs. It was a thing of beauty.” Fiddleford replied wistfully. “But where are we going to get the materials for that?”

“Oh, come on. You’re in one of the best equipped labs in the world.” Rusty gloated. “Let’s go downstairs.”

Rusty took them to his dad’s lab, and he wasn’t kidding. Of course, it was a bit sparser than Aggie remembered. Jonas left it in a mess, parts everywhere. But the boys didn’t seem to mind. Fiddleford already looked like he was a kid in a candy store.

“This is perfect. Ford, is that what I think it is?”

“Yes, it’s a micro particle accelerator.” Rusty bragged. “No touchy though. Not until you tell me what you’re making.”

Aggie looked around. “Where’s Sampson?”

“I left him upstairs.” Rusty said. “I couldn’t risk him giving my R&D to the OSI.”

You mean your dad’s R&D? Aggie wanted to ask, but knew better.

“I’ll go check on him.” She declared.

She took the elevator up, quietly making her way back to the living room.

“I’m telling you, it’s a mess. Dream demons, portals to other dimensions, the apocalypse. This is nuts!” Sampson shouted at what she assumed was Gathers on the other end.

“Don’t wuss out on me now, boy! You’re our inside source. I’ve got orders that your objective has changed, you need to keep an eye out on these eggheads and report what’s going on. Secret President wants to keep this quiet. Right now we’re saying this is a Western Aurora Borealis. If they can neutralize the demon on their own, fine and dandy. But OSI is not getting involved until we know what’s what.”

“That’s not really how we work though, is it?” Sampson muttered.

“I’m getting pounded every which way by other threats, son! If you want to tell your buddies why I pulled them out of fighting Sphinx, then be my guest. I’m sure Shore Leave would be happy to be here.”

“Alright, I get it. I’ll keep you posted.”

Aggie heard Sampson click his watch shut.

“I know you’re there, you know.” He said, sitting in the darkness.

“Um, sorry.” Aggie stuttered. “You’re not going to tear my head off or whatever for listening?”

“No, I don’t hurt women.” Sampson replied.

“That’s impractical.” Aggie said.

“You have no idea.”

“So, can I get you anything? Water? A snack?” Aggie asked.

“No offense, but you’re not my type.” Sampson replied.

Aggie frowned, until the realization dawned on her. “What do you mean by…oh! No, sorry I’m not really into you either, no offense.”

“Sure.” Sampson replied, taking another drag and looking at her with disgust.

Aggie coughed. “Well…if you’re fine, I’m just going to…”

“That’s it! I’ve had it! I want all of you out!” Rusty screamed. He was walking quickly out of the elevator, his arms flailing like a muppet.

“You don’t know what you’re doing, and you want to take the credit for our work!” Ford shouted back. “There’s a name for guys like you!”

“Revolutionary? An iconoclast?” Rusty asked.

“A hack!” Ford screamed. “How dare you want to take our experiment and slap on some Venture Industries paint on it. It’s ours.”

“You’re using my materials. And frankly? I don’t like how you two are ganging up on me. This is my house.” Rusty pouted.

“Boys, I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding.” Aggie said weakly, trying to come between the two of them.

“Oh, take his side.” Ford said angrily.

“As she should.” Rusty said, taunting him.

“I’m not on anyone’s side!” She declared.

The phone started to ring aggressively.

“I hope it’s the OSI, so I can turn you in for a reward!” Rusty shouted, stomping on his way to the phone. “Hello, officers. They’re here. Wait. Who is this? White? What are you…yes, I’ve seen the sky. You want to wait it out here? I don’t know, I’ve already got a full house and…you’ve got a kid? Since when? Ok, so he’s not yours but he’s…what?” Rusty sighed. “You know what? Fine. Come over, I guess. But we’re running out of room so he better be able to sleep in that duffel bag of yours for now.” Rusty hung up the phone in frustration. “Unbelievable. After all this time, my friend from college wants to see me again on his terms.”

“Is that White? I thought you two were going on vacation together?” Aggie asked.

“We were, then he blew me off for some tv gig.” Rusty grumbled. “It was going to be the first time we met up since he left school.”

“Well, there’s no time like the present.” Aggie said.

Rusty looked unsure.

That night at dinner was tense. Ford and Rusty kept glaring at each other, while Fiddleford and Aggie waited on the edge of their seats. Sampson quietly ate his meal, not looking at anything. It seems that on his own, Rusty got by on Venture MREs. They almost tasted like food. Luckily, no one at this table was discerning.

Suddenly, Rusty felt a buzz on his wrist. “That’s White, I’ll get it.”

They waited, until they could hear the sound of a child with a lisp. “I can’t believe it! You’re the real Rusty Venture! From the show!”

“Yeah, yeah, hold your questions. And no autographs.” Rusty said dismissively. “Everyone, this is Pete White and his uh…child companion?”

“Billy,” Pete said firmly. “His name is Billy.”

Ford looked at the two of them, taking in the unusual sight of the tall albino man in the asymmetrical haircut, and the short young man with hydrocephalus and a robot hand.

“Hey pally, take a picture, it’ll last longer. What are you looking at?” Pete snapped.

“Nothing.” Ford said. “I just…” He lifted his hand.

“Oh.” Pete said. “Welcome to the club.”

Billy and Pete walked over to him, with their own questions.

“So each finger is fully functional?” Billy asked.

“I bet you were teased too, huh?” Pete continued.

“Yes, and yes. You know, I’ve never met another albino before, even though albinism is much more common than polydactyly.” Ford remarked.

“We do a good job of blending in.” Pete replied

“Speak for yourself, that wig and spray tan were atrocious!” Billy laughed.

“Oh, what do you know, boy genius?” Pete snarked.

“Boy genius?” Ford chuckled. “Do we have a budding scientist here? That is some good handiwork if I do say so.” He added, laughing at his pun.

Billy blushed, hiding his hand in embarrassment. “Oh it’s nothing, you might have seen me on that quiz show on tv?”

“I don’t think I have.” Ford replied.

“It’s a long story.” Billy said. “But it’s kind of hazy? There’s some parts I just can’t remember.”

Rusty cleared his throat. “Hello? You’re supposed to be sitting with me. You’re my friends, not theirs.”

Pete perked up. “Oh, of course, Rust. Come on Billy, let’s go over there.”

“I think I’d like to talk to Stanford for a bit if that’s ok.” Billy replied.

Pete looked uneasy, but nodded.

Rusty filled him in on what was going on, embellishing his part in the story, while Aggie told him what was really happening.

“So uh, it’s up to possibly stop the end of the world from some triangle thing with these two guys and uh, the guy that kicked our asses back in college?” Pete asked.

“Yeah, about that. Sorry, that was my bad. I was uh, going through some stuff.” Sampson interjected, getting up from the table to put away his plate.

“Yeah, fine, like I still don’t have panic attacks about that.” Pete said, rolling his eyes.

“I still have missing teeth!” Rusty agreed.

“What’s the plan?” Pete asked.

“Try to get Bill out of Ford’s mind, either through spiritual or scientific means.” Aggie replied.

Pete frowned. “We’re going to need to come up with a new name for the triangle,” he declared.

“Cipher, then.” Aggie said.

Billy looked over at Rusty Venture and Pete. It was something seeing his idol in the flesh, but he didn’t want to admit to himself that the man in front of him didn’t have the same shine as that glossy television version. But this guy, he was a scientist who was out there exploring monsters!

“So you fought a Minotaur?”

“Manotaur,” Ford corrected. “And it was more like an arm wrestle.”

“Aw look at you, aren’t you just a sweet feller. You know, you remind me of my son. He’s about three.” Fiddleford cooed.

“I’m sixteen.” Billy said flatly.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean nothing by that…”

“Why don’t you and I take a walk?” Rusty asked. “I don’t think we’ve talked much today.”

“Good idea,” Aggie said. “Pete, do you mind being a doll and helping me clean up?”

“Oh? Why do I have to help with the bitch work?” Pete moaned.

“Because then you and I can snoop around.” Aggie said conspiratorially.

Rusty took Fiddleford out to the moving walkway.

“This must have been mighty impressive back in the day.” Fiddleford remarked.

“You don’t think it is now?” Rusty asked.

Fiddleford opted not to say anything. This man wasn’t that much younger than himself, but he still seemed like a lost little boy.

“What's bothering you, son?” Fiddleford asked.

Rusty snorted. “A bit early to be using that, huh?”

“I mean it. What are you trying to prove to us posturing today? I fail to see what’s the point.”

“I don't know. This is the first time I’m doing something without my dad and the whole Team Venture. And to be honest? I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m terrified. And I know when I fail, he’s going to come in, fix everything, and say ‘well Rusty, I hope you learned your lesson.’ And that’s usually never to try! And not to rely on him, because he’s never there!”

Rusty at this point was wringing his hands anxiously. He hastily took out a tin from his shirt pocket and popped out two pink pills. “My diet pills.” He explained, throwing them back, then putting the container away.

“For your nerves?” Fiddleford asked. “No need to shy away, I’m no stranger to self-medicating.”

Rusty sighed. He put his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I dumped all of this on you. It’s none of your business.”

Fiddleford wrapped his arm on Rusty’s shoulder, only for him to flinch. He hugged him tightly, and Rusty accepted the hug.

“Buy me a drink first,” he chuckled nervously.

“Aw, shush. Look, I don’t know what your old man did to you, but I’m sorry you had to go through that. You are worth more than that, and you are worth more than anyone trying to put you down. I try to tell my boy, Tate, that there’s no problem that can’t be solved, and no fish that can’t be caught. You just need the right tackle.”

“Are all your folksy metaphors fish related?” Rusty asked.

“Some of them are.” Fiddleford conceded. “Though I guess I’m not really the type of person to give you advice. I’m not really father of the year material. I left my son back in California.”

“Oh, I’m sure he knows you care.” Rusty said dismissively.

“Did you?” Fiddleford asked. “When he was gone all those times on adventures, did you know he loved you? Or did you think he abandoned you?”

Rusty looked at his shoes, then wiped his eyes. “I can’t say I was lucky or not, but he took me with him on the more dangerous ones, so I can’t say he physically abandoned me. But I still doubt whether he gave a damn.”

Fiddleford took in a sharp inhalation, thinking about what he left behind. “Doggonit, I need to get back to my son.”

“I certainly won’t stop you, but what about the end of the world or whatever?” Rusty asked.

Fiddleford put his hands in his blazer. “Hopefully, there’s an after the end of the world, and a home for me to go back to.”

As Ford and Billy sat at the table, Ford could see Billy’s robotic hand twitching.

“My boy, are you alright?” Ford asked.

“I don’t know. I hit it in a drawer the other day putting away the dishes, and I’ve been having strange flashbacks.”

“Of what, exactly?” Ford asked.

“I was going to be a finalist on a quiz show, and I’d use the money to go to MIT…but then I got disqualified for cheating! But I didn’t cheat, I was sabotaged.” Billy said.

“Is that so?” Ford asked. He felt sick, his own memory of shattered expectations rearing it’s ugly head.

“And then? I don’t know how, but I ended up going to West Coast Tech, but I know I wasn’t supposed to be there!” Billy exclaimed.

“I’m sure you earned your spot.” Ford reassured him.

Billy shook his head. “I don’t think I did. But I know, I had to help my professor Fantomas…he was born with tiny limbs…and he was trying to grow them with a lab experiment.”

Ford raised his eyebrows. “How? Genetic engineering?”

Billy shook his head. “No! With an atomic reactor. I don’t know how it works, but he stuck his arms and legs in, and there was a big explosion…and I…it was my fault!”

Billy burst into tears, and Ford, unsure of how to cope with a sobbing teen, gently wrapped him in his arms.

“There, there, it’s alright.”

“It’s not though.” Billy sniffed. “Dr. Fantomas said he had gotten help from the guild, and from his muse.”

Ford stiffened. “Did he say who it was?”

Billy shook his head. “No, but he said it must have been fate that I showed up to help him, he called it a divine coincidence.”

“Hey, get your hands off the kid.” Pete yelled. He and Aggie were carrying maps, and different records found in Jonas’s office.

Ford quickly let go of Billy, and coughed to clear his throat. “Billy enlightened me on what his professor, Dr. Fantomas was trying to enlist him in.”

Pete looked at the two of them suspiciously. He noticed Brock hovering in the corner. “Is that so?”

“I think Bill, excuse me, I think Cipher is directly involved in this guild business.” Ford declared.

“So that’s why Phantom Limb has a head start.” Aggie said. “Cipher is trying to get his way in through Super Science, by any means necessary.”

Ford coughed. “So it would seem. It’s unfortunate to know I’m not the only individual he has called on. But no matter. We should see if he has targeted anyone else.”

Aggie looked at her watch. “Maybe we can do that tomorrow. I don’t know about you, but it’s past midnight and I’m beat.”

Billy yawned. “I guess I could sleep.”

Pete called in Rusty and Fiddleford, and they all slept uncomfortably in the living room, on the vinyl furniture.

That night, Ford tossed and turned, trying to ignore the laughter pounding in his head.

Over in the master bedroom, Rusty was trying to do the same.

Chapter Text

The air was stifling, the cheap carpeting stiff underneath the scratchy polyester fabric of Aggie’s speedsuit. She tossed and turned, then groaned. Her back felt stiff as she got up, making sure to carefully step over the other guests as she made her way to the grounds to get some air.

The sky was still bright orange, the gap of swirling colors growing wider, but nothing new had progressed.

“What do you think he’s waiting for?”

Aggie turned to see Ford walking towards her, his hands in his pockets.

“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “But do you think we can do this?”

“It’s not about if we can, we must. Bill is my responsibility, and I need to fix this.” Ford replied grimly.

Aggie wrapped her arm around his, turning to face Ford. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

Ford let out a small smile, leaning his head against hers. “I know.”

He sighed. “What a mess.”

Aggie looked away in shame. “It’s my fault.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Ford replied gently. “If it wasn’t your actions, something else would have tipped me off to Bill’s true nature. I just can’t believe what a fool I was to fall for him.”

“You trusted him, no one can fault you for that.” Aggie said. “That’s admirable.”

“It’s foolhardy at best.” Ford said. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and she hugged him back. “Well, if this is it, I wanted to tell you something.”

Aggie buried her head against his chest. “I need to tell you something too. It’s stupid, I know. But I can’t help how I feel. I’m crazy about you, Stanford. I’ve tried to ignore it, but I can’t. You’re all I think about, my life will be bereft without you, and I don’t want to stop thinking about you. I know it’s unprofessional, it’s unpleasant. Once this is over, I’ll resign and I will keep my distance. I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable to hear, but I couldn’t keep this to myself anymore,” Aggie sobbed.

Ford held her, stroking her hair. “There, there. My dear, there’s no need to cry. And there’s no need for such a dramatic course of action.” He pulled out a handkerchief, and wiped away her tears. He handed it to her to compose herself.

Aggie sniffed. “Thank you.” She replied, wiping her face. She placed it in the pocket of her speedsuit to cherish later.

“I can’t say this isn’t unexpected.” Ford admitted, still holding her. She sniffed, and laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Is that so?” Aggie asked curiously.

“I don’t get much in the way of female attention, you know. So, it was a bit surprising to have a girl just drop in at my house.” Ford said. He chuckled, “You know, I once fancied that the portal would get girls to consider talking to me for once, but not like this.”

“False modesty doesn’t become you, Ford. You’re gorgeous.” Aggie smiled. He laughed in surprise.

“I'm sure plenty of people would disagree with you,” Ford replied. He held her tightly, wrapping her in an embrace. “I don’t know what it is about you.” He confessed. “You aggravate me to no end, you don’t put any effort in your appearance, you’re obstinate and…despite myself, I think I’m attracted to you.”

“Um, thank you?” Aggie replied.

“I don’t know what you want from me, but I’m not going to be an ideal boyfriend, or lover for that matter.” Ford responded.

“I don’t care about any of that. We only have the last few hours before the world ends anyway.” Aggie said gently. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She could feel his stubble growing in. Suddenly, she felt his lips press against hers, and she leaned back.

She felt the intensity of the kiss deepen, and she gave in. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his hands moved to her waist, then up her back, then upwards until they reached around her shoulders. She felt his thumb idly trace around the nape of her neck, and giggled.

Then, she felt him press down. The pressure increased, pressing on her trachea. The other hand gripped tightly around the back of her neck, pinning her in place. She opened her eyes in shock, to see those black slits and bright yellow irises.

He had a wide grin, teeth bared. He laughed.

“I gotta admit,” Cipher declared. “You’ve been making this tougher than it needs to be, but the show’s over, kid. Don’t try to scream, or I’ll crush your windpipe faster. Do you see that rip in the universe? That’s all thanks to you, give yourself a pat on the back.”

He grabbed her hand and forcefully jerked it to her back, causing her to flinch in pain.

“It’s pretty funny, you brought a whole army of losers to try to take me on, but it’s already a done deal. You’ll see what I mean when my friends and I stop by later. You remember them, right?”

Aggie wriggled, trying to get away. Cipher pulled her towards him, and she felt Ford’s nails digging deeper into her skin, the air and sand stinging against the scratches.

“Maybe I’ll put on a show, let everyone see them get flayed alive,” Cipher mused. “That might be fun.”

She could feel blood break on her skin. He leaned over, and she could feel his tongue running against it, it hurt.

He laughed. “I got help this time. Found someone to help me crack that little formula to get me out of Gravity Falls, not like Sixer was so forthcoming. No problem, I got a man on the inside…”

Aggie’s eyes widened. “What?” She wheezed.

“Your little buddy you left to rot from that mind poison? Found him slumped over his steering wheel. Well, we got to talking, and I offer more than those robed idiots.”

Rand. He’s in cahoots with Bill.

Cipher laughed. “We’re making our debut here, then onto the rest of the world. I think LA would be fun to destroy.” He laughed, and laughed, not paying attention to her.

Seeing her moment, she head butted him. She kneed him in the stomach, and pushed him to the ground. She snatched his glasses, and grabbing a handful of sand, threw it in his face, kicking him in the stomach once again for good measure.

He coughed, as the sand fell from his throat. He grabbed her ankle, dragging her down.

“Oh you’re in for it now.” Cipher growled. Aggie turned on her communicator watch, pressing the high frequency distress signal.

It let out a high frequency sonic pulse, causing him to curl into a ball in pain.

Cipher pressed his hands tightly to his ears. “Ah! Alright, I’ll go! But when I come back, I’ll take my time killing you.”

Ford collapsed onto the ground, coughing up sand.

“Ford!” Aggie screamed, trying to examine his pulse and checking for injuries.

Ford blinked. He opened his eyes, and tried to catch his breath.

“He still has a hold over me, even outside of the Gravity Falls Weirdness field.” Ford gasped.

“Stanford, I’m so sorry.” Aggie rasped. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Ford turned to her, looking at her cut. “I…oh Aggie, I’m sorry.” He looked at her in horror, hiding his face in his hands.

She pulled out the handkerchief and wrapped it around her neck as a scarf. “Never you mind. We have work to do. We’ll need to warn the others, and see if that Orpheus can help.”

Aggie strode back into the compound, and walked into the Master bedroom. She turned on the lights.

“Ugh, Aggie, do you know what time it is?” Rusty asked blearily. She saw he was still in his underwear.

“Looks like you’re sleeping as sound as I am. Let’s get to work. Do you want to save the world or not?”

They found the blueprints for a quantum pulse gun in Jonas’s files. It wasn’t as technically brilliant as Ford and Fiddleford’s, but they could replicate five of them in a few hours. By this point, everyone else had woken up, and decided to pitch in if they could. Billy and Brock opted to make coffee and cereal.

Around ten in the morning, they had a workable arsenal, even if it was likely to have to open wires and a few missing circuits. They had to raid other devices in the lab to get them to work, and Pete almost singed his hair during target practice. But, they worked and were Sampson proof, so that was good enough.

It was around this time that Rusty felt a ping from his communicator. “Must be our friendly neighborhood magician, I’ll let him in.”

Aggie and Ford went with him. As they took the elevator up, Aggie held Ford’s hand in reassurance, and he squeezed hers in return.

“Greetings, you must be Dr. Venture. I must say, you look different than you do on television.” Dr. Orpheus said, gliding in. He was tall, with an impressive velvet cape and even more impressive dark facial hair.

“I’m afraid you’re mistaken, you’re referring to my father.” Rusty replied in annoyance.

“My apologies. I understand we have a disturbance in our midst?” Orpheus inquired.

Rusty pushed Ford forward. “This guy. He’s made some Faustian bargain and now he gets possessed from time to time. Started that thing you’re seeing in the sky.”

Orpheus stroked his beard. “My, this is puzzling. May I examine you…”

“Dr. Pines, but you can call me Stanford.” Ford said introducing himself. Orpheus shook his hand.

“My, six fingers! In the mystic arts, that’s considered a good omen.” Orpheus declared.

“I am familiar with that belief. I dabble, occasionally myself.” Ford admitted.

“Oh? A fellow practitioner? Have you been trained under a Master?” Orpheus asked.

“All self taught, I’m afraid. They don’t teach the occult at Liberal Arts schools.”

“Pity.” Orpheus made a signal of three fingers with his hands, placing them in front of Ford’s forehead. He placed his other hand on his temple. “Spirits, I invoke thee…tell me what I see…”

He closed his eyes, then widened them again in terror. “You didn’t tell me we were dealing with Bill Cipher.”

“Is there anything you can do to help him get Bill out of his head?” Aggie asked.

“Oh, this is very dangerous. I’m going to have to consult my Master.” Orpheus fretted.

Rusty folded his arms. “So, that’s a no, then?”

“It’s a maybe.” Orpheus said bluntly. “I will return with my results.” He twirled out of the room with a flourish of his cape. Then paused.

“Oh, before I go, do you mind if I use your toilet?”

Rusty sighed. “It’s down the hall, I’ll show you where it is.”

————————————————————-

The Monarch mobile was hurtling closer to the Venture Compound.

“That’s it, I can see it!” The Monarch squealed. “Oh Rusty Venture’s mangled corpse is within my grasp!”

Stan gripped the steering wheel tightly. This piece of junk had no traction. “So what’s the plan, then?”

“You drive straight into the building. With any luck we run over any security. Then, I emerge from my vehicle like a chrysalis and watch Rusty cower in fear. Gaze into the eyes of your nemesis, the eyes of the Monarch!” He shouted, jumping up and waving his wrist.

The Monarch was breathing heavily, his eyes wide.

“Ok, then what?”

The Monarch blinked. “What?”

“Do you just punch him? Or stab him?”

“I don’t know…are you going to take care of that?” The Monarch asked.

“I’m just the henchman. What’s your plan?” Stan prodded.

“Um…punch him, I guess?”

“Just punch him to death?” Stan asked, laughing.

“I don’t know! I never thought I’d get this far!” The Monarch whined, folding his arms against himself.

Stan ran his tongue over his teeth. “Okay then, we’re improvising. I can do that.”

“Yeah, improvising.” The Monarch repeated. “That was my plan all along. All the greats improvise. Like…”

“Charlie Parker?”

“Was he a supervillain?” The Monarch asked. “I think he was just a musician.”

Stan shrugged. “You’d know better than I would, bud. Did you hear that two of the council members might be Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper?”

“No, but the Sovereign is definitely Bowie, right?”

“Ok, I think we’re going to have to get a way over this electric fence.” Stan remarked.

“Shoot it,” The Monarch shouted.

Stan rolled his eyes, and flipped the switch. Predictably, the bullets made a dent, but not much.

Stan reversed. “You said the body was reinforced?”

“Yeah, it’s basically a tank.”

Stan shifted the gear into throttle and slammed on the accelerator. “Here goes nothing.”

They slammed into the electric fence, screaming at the shockwaves against their skin. Thank god the Monarch had bought rubber suits for himself and his henchmen. The gate trailed behind them, still attached to the turret car as they drove at top speed.

Brock’s ears perked. They were all in the basement lab. He pulled out his knife. “We’ve got company.”

“Could you take care of it?” Rusty asked.

“Not my house, not my problem.” Brock countered.

Rusty sighed. “If I must, I’ll go then. Aggs, are you coming?”

“Gonna hide behind a girl, Rust?” Pete teased.

“It’s probably the alarm system acting up,” Aggie said reassuringly.

“Maybe I should accompany you.” Ford said, following them.

Rusty looked at the two of them, and shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

As they made it back upstairs, they could feel the ground rumble underneath them.

“That’s not the alarm system.” Aggie yelled.

With a shriek, they saw a large orange car barrel in through the bay window, glass flying everywhere. The car skidded onto the carpet, and the door opened with a whoosh as two men stepped out.

“Dr. Venture! Your time has come to meet your maker, for it is I, The Monarch!” He shrieked, pointing his finger in the air.

“Who? I’ve never heard of you!” Rusty scoffed. “Look, if you’re going to put in paperwork for an arching, you should have sent it weeks ago, this is the first I’m hearing about any of this!”

“Silence! Your pleas will go unanswered, for like the monarch butterfly, I am as brutal as I am poisonous. Henchman, attack!”

As his henchmen stepped out of the vehicle, he stood poised, knuckles beaded, ready to strike.

“Stan?”

He paused.

“Ford?”

The Monarch pursed his lips, his eyebrows waving in anger. “You know this guy?”

“That’s my brother!” Stan took off his goggles, and undid the hood to reveal his face, grinning as tears filled his eyes.

“Don’t do that!” The Monarch admonished. “You have to keep your gear on at all times!”

“Ford, it’s been so long! How are you?” Stan asked, raising his arms out for a hug, which Ford denied.

“Not great.” Ford answered irritably, hunching over. “Were you going to kill us?”

“Well, not you.” Stan replied sheepishly. He shook his head. “But that doesn’t matter. What are you up to?”

“We were trying to stop the apocalypse,” Ford answered sharply, before gesturing in frustration. “But I don’t think that’s any of your concern. Honestly, Stanley? What is this? You’re spending your time with this supervillian?” Ford asked.

“He doesn’t count.” Rusty interjected, folding his arms.

“Hey!” The Monarch yelled in indignation.

“He’s been good to me. And I don’t think you’re in any position to judge me. Do you know what I’ve been through these past few years? This isn’t even the worst of it, I’ve had to chew my way out of the trunk of a car! While you’re living it up, associating with what, Rusty Venture? Are you for real?”

“Oh like you ever cared, Stan. You were always trying to undermine me! You couldn’t get over sabotaging me that first time, now you’re trying to kill me?”

“Well, maybe it’s the least I can do since you ruined my life!” Stan screamed.

“You ruined your own life!” Ford shouted back, pushing him.

As the two men tumbled to the floor, they pushed and kicked each other, rolling around on the carpet.

“Pathetic.” Rusty muttered.

“I’ll say.” Malcolm sighed. He took off his helmet. “Well, this was a disaster.”

Rusty examined him. “Aren’t you that guy in my poetry class? Butterfly guy?”

“You remember me?” Malcolm asked.

“It’s hard to forget.” Rusty snickered. “So, what’s up with you?”

“Oh, you know, trying to kill you. And getting Guild Sanctioned.”

“Wait, so this wasn’t sanctioned? You just showed up at my house?”

Ford ended up with the upper hand, pinning Stan to the ground, glass pressing against his costume.

“Ugh, alright! Uncle. You win.” Stan declared.

“Are you going to behave yourself, Stanley?” Ford asked.

“Screw you.”

“Close enough.” Ford paused. “You know, all things considered, I’m glad to see you again.”

“Is that so?” Stan asked.

Ford helped him back up. “Yes, even his that ridiculous getup. The world may be ending, and I don’t want us to die on bad terms.” He extended his hand. “So, what do you say? Truce?”

Stan wiped his face, then pulled Ford in for a hug. He sniffed, then gave Ford a noogie.

“Hey!” Ford laughed.

By this point, the others had made their way upstairs.

“Jeez, what happened?” Billy asked. He and Pete followed behind Brock and Fiddleford. Fiddleford joined Stanford, surprised to be introduced to his then unheard of twin brother.

“Pete, you remember Butterfly guy from sophomore year?” Rusty asked.

By the time introductions had concluded and everyone was acquainted, Helpr was cleaning up the glass and debris from the open hole of the side of the building.

“Are you going to fix that?” Brock asked Rusty.

“That’s a problem for my dad.” Rusty deflected. “We can put some tarp on it for now.”

Things had settled down when they heard a loud flush and a slam of the door.

“I have returned! With answers from the Master himself!” Orpheus boomed, striding into the living room to greet the others. He was sopping wet.

“Jesus, pally, where did you come from?” Pete asked, holding his nose in disgust.

“Wait? Have you been here this whole time?” Rusty asked.

“I used your water closet to commune with the Master. It seems we might have a solution to our problem with Bill Cipher, but it will be one that needs teamwork and collaboration.”

“Yeah, good luck with that.” The Monarch scoffed.

“I know, right? Billy and I are thinking of taking our chances at this point.”

“Silence! If we work together, through the power of the mystic arts, we can vanquish Cipher once and for all. There is an ancient prophecy- those who possess the traits needed to defeat the evil with be able to join forces, hand in hand and expel him back whence he came from.”

“What? Just hold hands all Kumbaya?” Brock asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I’ll with the big fella on this, this sounds screwy.” Pete agreed.

“Wait, are you referring to the Zodiac?” Ford asked, perking up.

“It seemed to be a wheel of symbols, yes.” Orpheus agreed.

“So that’s what it means.” Ford muttered. “I spent hours trying to determine its significance.” He placed his hand on his chin in contemplation. “I need something to write with.”

“We got some spray paint cans in the back of the car.” Stan suggested.

“Perfect, hand me one.”

Stan threw Ford the can and he shook it. He uncapped it, ready to draw the symbols he knew from memory.

That is, until a green swirling portal popped up in front of them. First, an arm in a white lab coat, then a leg in brown pants, until a tall, scraggly man with messy hair stumbled out.

Chapter Text

The man stumbled as the Portal closed behind him. He belched.

“What do we have here, some Island of Misfit Toys thing going on? It’s burp cute.”

Aggie stared in shock. “Rick! What are you doing here?”

Ford furrowed his brows.

“What am I doing? What are you doing? I’ve been getting readings from this place two dimensions away from here. And I’m in the neighborhood, I thought I’d stop by.” Rick said, casually putting away the handheld device in the pocket of his lab coat.

“And that green thing was…” Aggie asked.

“I did it. Perfected dimensional travel. And you said I couldn’t. Proved you and everyone else wrong.”

“We’re wasting time here.” Ford muttered.

Rick gave a low whistle. “Well, if it isn’t Stanford Pines, how’s it hanging?”

“Do I know you?” Ford asked.

“Oh, my bad. I’m Rick C-137.” Rick said, extending his hand.

Ford frowned. “I don’t follow.”

Rick looked skeptical. He took out his flask and took a swig. “Huh. Usually when you’ve gone through your portal you’ve met one of me by now.”

“I didn’t.” Ford corrected.

Rick belched. “What? You’re telling me this dimension’s Ford hasn’t even had any sick portal adventures? You’re stuck with a lameass Stanford?”

“I don't appreciate you talking to me in that tone.” Ford clipped, poised to use his spray paint can as a weapon. Aggie stood in front of him, ready to hold him back.

“Yeah, who are you to talk to my brother like that, jackass?” Stan yelled, rolling up his shoulders.

Rick blinked. “Stan? When did you two make up?”

Stan stepped back in confusion before posing a tough front, folding his arms and puffing up his chest. “What’s it to you? And how do you know me?”

Rick put up his hands in a conciliatory gesture. “Hey, I think it’s great you two made up. Especially this early. But maybe this will ring a bell. Jacksonville, last Christmas?”

Stan looked at him in confusion until it registered. “Oh, Rick! You look different.”

Rick wheezed. “I might be different. I keep changing out limbs like no tomorrow. And livers. Do you remember…”

“When we stole that inflatable sled, the ‘snow,’ and those Roman candles?” Stan laughed. “I’ll say! You’re why I’m banned from Florida.”

“I think the Toilet catapault might have been the main reason.” Rick countered.

“It was foolproof- I didn’t expect most people leave the doors closed when they’re doing their business.”

“Aggie, can I talk to you?” Rick asked, pulling her aside. Ford followed behind them. “Alone, please.”

“Who is this guy, Stan? Is he your boyfriend?” Malcolm snarked.

“Something like that.” Rick replied breezily, only for Stan to blush. Malcolm glared at them.

“Hey, you’re not going to have time for any of that if you’re working for me.” Malcolm snapped.

“Why? You’ve got a problem with how I live my life?” Stan asked aggressively.

Malcolm’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. “No! No, I’m cool with that. But…I mean, what’s the big deal about that guy? He sounds like a jerk.”

Stan nodded. “Yeah, he is. He left me high and dry when the cops showed up.”

Malcolm wrapped his arm around Stan. “I’ll never do that to you, number 15.”

“As touching as this is, didn’t we have something we had to do?” Pete asked.

Rick placed a small device out of his pocket, it looked like a key fob. “Noise canceling bubble, should put us in the clear.” He explained.

“So, why are you here?” Aggie asked.

“I mean what I said, I did want to prove you wrong.” Rick said.

“Thanks. I see the error of my ways, nice catching up.” Aggie rolled her eyes.

“And because I’m a nice guy, I’m offering you a way out.” Rick said.

Aggie frowned. “A what?”

“The readings on this event are world ending.” Rick explained, looking serious for once. “This is going to go down, and not in a good way. Thought it’s going to look pretty trippy, not gonna lie. But seriously, all life will die, time will cease to exist. You know, same old.” He waved his hands for emphasis.

“So, what are we going to do?” Aggie asked.

“Nothing. You can come with me, just like old times. Instead of space, we have the multiverse to explore.” Rick replied.

Aggie looked at him in disgust. “And leave my friends?”

Rick glanced in the direction of the others. “Those are your friends? Trust me, you’re not missing much.”

“I’m not going. Thanks, but no thanks. My friends need me.”

“Aggie, they don’t need you, and you don’t need them. I don’t think you realize what an opportunity this is. You can go to any dimension with any possibility. Maybe one where Sea Monkeys rule the world, or people are made of jelly, or I don’t know, literally anything!” Rick said angrily.

Aggie glared at him. “Look at you, trying to be a savior. Don’t bother. I know I’m interchangeable. You’re going to leave me stranded somewhere one you get bored.

“Maybe I wouldn’t get bored with you if you had a personality.” Rick spat. “You’re such a doormat, no wonder everyone takes advantage of you. But at least I come back for you.”

“Because I never challenged you.” Aggie replied bitterly. “You like being right and hearing it from someone else’s mouth. Well, I’m not doing that anymore. I’m staying with someone who likes me for me.

Rick fumed. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. If you were really replaceable, I’d have already found another one of you from another dimension and never come back.

“Would you?” Aggie asked. “Or do other versions of me know better? Have you even stopped to take a break? Visit your family’s graves? Or are you off having space adventures?”

Rick lifted his hand, she was cliched, fully expecting him to strike, until he placed his arm back down and reached for his flask.

He looked over at the crowd on the other end of the room where Stanford was staring at them. Rick wiped his mouth. “You’re looking in the wrong place for your happiness. Looks like he doesn’t know what he wants.”

Aggie shook her head. “That’s my mistake to make. Even if it is the end. Goodbye, Rick.”

“Who said anything about a goodbye?” Rick protested. “I don’t have anything better to do, Apocalypses are my action movies.”

Aggie paused in confusion. “You’re staying?”

“I kind of want to witness the freak show. I got a bet with Jhesselbraum to see if this one goes through,” Rick confessed.

“Who?”

Rick turned to the others. “Okay, who wants a mech suit?”

Time passed. Or maybe it didn’t, they couldn’t tell.

“Hey Rust, was this bubble always there?” Pete asked noticing a blue hexagonal force field over the compound.

“Oh, that? It’s probably part of the security system. No one’s getting in or out until it seems the ‘threat,’ is neutralized.”

“So we’re trapped. Great.”

Fiddleford approached them, tapping Rusty’s shoulder. “I don’t mean to bother you, but could I talk to you for a second? I was looking in your garage, and I wanted to have a word with you.”

“When did you have time to go out there?” Rusty asked.

Fiddleford shrugged. “There’s not really much else to do, is there? C’mon. We’ll be back in two shakes.”

“Do you think this will work?” Aggie asked Rick.

“Have you ever doubted me before?” Rick replied.

They could feel the ground rumble. Something was happening.

As the tear in the sky expanded into a streak of purple and neon green, they could see Bill floating down, along with his henchmaniacs.

Bill Cipher grew in size, until he was the size of a skyscraper, his arms stretched outward.

He lifted his right arm, as a Fearmid emerged from the desert dust. It was made out of animal bones and shining gold tiles.

“I took a bit of a detour.” Cipher said cheerfully. “Went over to Cognito to give those idiots a piece of my mind for trying to contain me. Then paid a visit to the OSI chumps. They won’t be bothering us.”

Rusty opened his communicator to hear screams and distress signals.

“Aw, crap, he hit you guys.” He muttered to Brock.

“What?” Brock whispered. “Any casualties?”

“Lots!” Cipher replied. “I can hear you, by the way.”

He snapped his fingers. Suddenly, Rusty could see a feed of himself and the others from one of the security monitors. He checked the cameras. They were all showing the same feed.

“Thought it’d make for good television. You don’t get enough violence for my liking. Too much fake blood. Henchmaniacs, attack!” Cipher ordered, pointing at the crew.

With their signal, the member pressed the button on their metal suit, allowing it to turn into full armor with quantum pulse guns.

“Ok, remember what we practiced. A Team, you take on the tall one and the hand one. B team, you got the bread and the pig thing.” Rick commanded.

Stan, Brock, and Malcolm took on the larger monsters, using a mix of kicks, punches, and strategic blasts from the quantum guns strapped to their shoulders, sending the creatures back through the rip through the force of the blast. Pete looked terrified, lifting the blaster, and missing. He dropped it, hitting his target in the process.

Billy jumped into the fray, taking out his blaster and reloading it. “Come on, White! This is so cool. It’s like a real video game.”

“Yeah, I’ll stick with Atari, thanks.”

Orpheus and Ford opted to skip the mechs, using their knowledge of spells to take on any creatures they see. Each posed in their respective fighting stance, using their energy to attack with magic, propelling their attackers back.

Meanwhile, Fiddleford and Rusty had gone to find something in storage.

“You know, you’re not bad for a civilian.” Brock commented, as he saw Stan throw the teeth creature back where it came from.

Stan wiped his hands. “Yeah? Not so bad yourself either,” he grinned.

“I like the thing you got going with your hair,” Brock noted. “What is that?”

Stan preened. “Oh this? It’s a mullet. I’m telling ya, it’s the next big thing.”

“Huh.” Brock replied, scratching his chin, “You know I was thinking of growing out my hair.”

“Don’t spend your money on the pricey stuff, my go to is Mane and Tail. Excuse me,” Stan turned around, to punch the blue keyhole demon, sending him hurtling.

“What’s going on?” Bill Cipher fumed. “You shouldn’t be losing to these guys?”

“I don’t know, Bill, they're really giving it to us.” 8 ball replied.

Cipher turned bright red. Flames bursting from his hands. “This isn’t fun anymore.”

“Hey, Bill!” Rusty shouted.

He looked down, to see a giant round Walking Eye spider with mechanical legs. It looked like it had been expanded to almost his size, with Fiddford and Rusty riding inside of it, Fiddleford at the steering wheel.

“Oh, now that’s just insulting,” Bill yelled.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Fiddleford said, flipping a switch as one of the mechanical arms lifted up, poking Bill in the eye.

Bill screamed as blood gushed from the wound, trying to pull back, until the eye popped out of its socket, falling with a thud.

“Ok, time for a tactical retreat. Henchmaniacs, out! Ugh, why does this hurt so much?”

Bill floated back to the Fearmid as the Henmaniacs ran to follow him.

Fiddleford piloted the Giant Eye Spider back to safety, lowering it down.

“That was so cool.” Billy said, jumping up and down.

“Yeah, it gets old after a while.” Rick commented. “I’ll be taking those back now.”

“Good news, it looks like he cut off the feed,” Rusty commented. “Bad news, I can’t communicate with the outside world.”

“Then we must act fast to complete the Zodiac.” Orpheus announced.

Ford found the abandoned spray paint, and started to paint on the symbols. The question, the ice, the fish, the pine tree, the pentagram, the six fingered hand, the llama, the shooting star, the broken heart, and the glasses.

“Alright, let’s see if we can make this work.” Ford declared. “Take a spot on the circle, and hold hands.”

Stan looked at the fish. “That looks an awful lot like that symbol from that fez Dad used to wear, from the lodge.” He stood on the symbol.

Ford quirked an eyebrow. “Is that so? I never noticed.” He stood on the six fingered hand.

“Wow, a question mark. That’s definitely a sign.” Billy said, mostly to himself. “White, you’re definitely the shooting star.”

“Yeah, yeah. This better not be a joke because of all the pink I wear.”

“I suppose that makes me the Pentagram.” Orpheus noted.

Brock stood by the ice, while Rusty took the place of the Pine tree.

“Malcolm, get in here.” Stan shouted. “We need two more.”

“Is there a butterfly?” Malcolm asked irritably.

“No, but there’s this broken heart looking thing. Looks kinda badass.” Pete noted.

Malcolm sighed, grasping the man’s hand. “Fine, but I won’t like it.”

Aggie joined in, stepping on the alpaca. She took Ford’s hand. “Let’s hope this works.”

As their hands connected, they could feel the hum of the magic and a blue glow as the symbols lit up.

“It’s working!” Ford exclaimed.

Suddenly, a beam of light shot up from the center, pulsing into the sky, cracking a hole in the ceiling straight up into the Fearmid.

“Fools!” Bill Cipher laughed.

He floated down, growing larger and redder, his eye still bloodshot and half formed. “Don’t you know I’ve surpassed the zodiac?”

The light shines directly at Bill, who screamed on impact.

“This isn’t over. Not until I say it’s over.” He pushed his hand down knocking everyone onto the floor, breaking the chain.

Bill Cipher laughed. “The zodiac only works if you have hands. What if I cut yours off, one at a time?”

“That is enough, Bill.” Ford screamed. “I know what you want, you want me. Do have at it. Take me, and leave the others alone.”

“That is tempting.” Bill Cipher replied. “But I have another offer. You’re Rick Sanchez, right?” He asked, pointing to the man in the lab coat.

“Who’s asking?” Rick glared.

“Yeah, it is you. Give me your secret to how to make portal fluid, and I’ll back off.”

Rick took a swig from his flask, took out his portal gun, opening a swirling green doorway. He stepped in, giving off the middle finger as he left them behind.

“God dammit.” Aggie swore.

“He told me what it was.” Ford interjected. “I know how he does it.”

Bill laughed. “You’re such a bad liar, Sixer. But I’ll play along. I think he might come back anyway. I’ll give you a few hours to ‘remember,’ what that was. In the meantime, feel free to join me for the party.” Bill Cipher turned to Aggie. “I have a guest who’s been dying to see you.” She shuddered in fear.

Bill floated back to the Fearmid, while they huddled amongst themselves.

“What are we going to do now?” Brock asked.

“I think that’s going to have to be up to me.” Ford sighed. “Bill is a dream demon, after all. I’m going to need to get him in my head.”

“What about the memory gun?” Fiddleford asked.

“Have you made it yet?” Ford asked.

“I could. But I don’t have all the materials.” Fiddleford acknowledged.

“Then we will have to resort to magic.” Orpheus replied. “I know a ritual we can use to get into Stanford’s mind, but it is incredibly dangerous. Whoever goes with me might not come back.”

“I’ll go.” Stan volunteered.

“No!” Malcolm shouted. “You can’t go. What about being my number 2? I still need you.” Malcolm grabbed his hand, trying to stop him.

Stan let go. “He’s my brother, you wouldn’t understand.”

Aggie stepped forward. “I’ll go too.”

Ford shook his head. “Honestly, Aggie, I don’t want you seeing me like this. If we succeed, it’s not going to be pretty. Besides, I think we’ll need to as part of our diversion.”

Outside the Venture Compound, the OSI had sent a squad of their elite forces. The US military had even sent their own tanks.

Sheila had driven all day after the news of the attack. When she saw the Monarch on every tv, she knew something was very wrong. Throwing off her Lady Etheria costume, she put on her best pink suit and drove straight to the Venture compound.

“Whoa there, Missy. No one gets in or out of the perimeter.” A hunched, skinny man with a long cigarette stopped her, and Sheila saw red.

“I’ll have you know my boyfriend is in there!”

“I don’t care if the pope is in there. You can’t even get in if you tried. The damn thing is reinforced to hell and back with all sorts of science and voodoo.”

Sheila frowned. “Huh. So, what is it?” She said, looking up at the gold pyramid in the sky.

“The end times. Not like anyone cares. They’ve already shuttled off top brass to that hideous space station. We’re on our own for this one.”

Sheila sighed, taking out a pack of cigarettes from under her pillbox hat. “Got a light?”

Chapter Text

Aggie took a deep breath and walked towards the Fearmid. This is it.

“Who goes there?” Came the booming voice from the short squat demon with a pacifier on its stomach.

“Um, I’m Aggie Davis. I’m here to talk to Bill Cipher, and his human companion.”

“I can’t let you in.”

She saw Bill float towards the window. “Well, look what the cat dragged in! Xanthar, let this girl in to the party, there’s room for one more.” She saw an eye at swoop from the Fearmid, the beam shooting towards her, pulling her in like a tractor beam inside. She screamed, kicking the air in futility.

When they arrived, the eye at dropped her with a thud onto the stone floor. Aggie groaned in pain. She noticed she was in some sort of dance club with flashing lights. Bill sat on a throne of petrified people. On closer examination, they were OSI agents. Rand sat at his feet, his neck clasped in a manacle.

“So, what brings you here?” Bill Cipher asked, taking a swig of his martini with his eye.

“I’m here on behalf of Stanford. He’s agreeing to join you, and he wants to let you back in his mind again.” Aggie explained.

“About time.” Bill said. “Though I can’t say it’s been fun having only Mr. Robot here for company.”

“My name’s Rand.” He muttered irritably.

“Why don’t you two have a playdate while I take care of Fordsy?”

Bill snapped his fingers, only for Aggie to find herself in the same burning blue shackles. Bill moved a finger, and the chains tied her up next to Rand.

“Now, I’m going to be gone for a bit. Longer than it takes to make ramen, less time than eternity,” he turned to his friends. “No eating them while I’m gone. I mean it.”

He floated away, while the guests of the Nightmare realm returned to partying.

“This is really some mess you’re in, huh?” Aggie asked casually.

“From what I can tell, you’re in it too,” Rand replied.

“How did he get to you?” Aggie asked. “I thought you had a good thing going with the robes?”

Rand sighed. “You remember my fiancé, Tomoko?”

Aggie tried not to make a face. “Yeah. She’s…great.”

“Yeah, well she dumped me. She’s not even taking my calls.” Rand muttered.

“Oh, buddy, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. But it got me wanting to dust out Project Reboot.”

“But that’s against…”

“I know, I know. Almost got away with it after the third shot. But they found me and kicked me out. That’s why I went over to take a look at your portal- it’s the next best thing. After that failed, well, I ran into Bill.” Rand explained.

“You mean Bill ran into you,” Aggie said.

Rand rolled his eyes. “The point is, Bill showed me things beyond what I thought were possible, unlimited power within my grasp. He showed me my future- and what do I have? A failed marriage, a kid that hates me, and crippling alcoholism? I’ll take world domination with Bill any day.”

“You already have crippling alcoholism.” Aggie scoffed.

“It’s functional.” Rand insisted.

“But would you even be happy? What about JR? Won’t you miss him?” Aggie asked.

“What about him? I don’t need him.”

“Are you sure?”

Rand hesitated.

“You’re bad at this psychoanalysis crap. Anyway, how are things with the new boyfriend?”

Aggie shook her head. “It’s not what it looks like.”

“That’s bullshit. Rand jeered. “I know what it looks like when you like someone, because you used to look at me like that all the time.”

Aggie blushed. “It doesn’t matter, you never felt the same way.”

“Why did you need that anyway?” Rand asked angrily. “We had fun.”

“On your terms. I couldn’t stand what you wanted from Cognito, it disgusted me.” Aggie spat.

“Or was it just the other women?”

“That too.”

Aggie looked away. “Rand, just reconsider. Leave Bill.”

Rand shook his head. “I can’t, I’m in too deep. If I go, the robes will destroy me for disobeying them.”

Aggie leaned next to him, resting on his shoulder. “We can try to work something out.”

Suddenly, Aggie saw out of the corner of her eye a brick from the Fearmid fly out of the wall, then another, then ten more- back into the tear in reality. The demons started to float, realizing something was wrong- they screamed as they were being pulled away, trying to hold onto the crumbling walls as they too were pulled in. Aggie could feel the chains disappear as she and Rand fell to the ground, landing on the sand as the last remains of the Fearmid disappeared. The throne of people crumbled, each reforming into living humans once more.

“Bill has been defeated.” Aggie exclaimed. She felt a cold panic. She knew what that meant. “I’ve got to go.”

Rand grabbed her by the shoulder. “C’mon, I’ll drive you.”

——/—————————

“Are you ready for this, Poindexter?” Stan asked anxiously.

Ford took a deep breath, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

He embraced his brother. “Do you know how to get into my mindscape?”

“Yeah, Orpheus showed me. All that spooky junk. I’ve got this.”

Ford sniffed, lifting up his glasses to wipe his face. “I’ll miss you, Stanley.”

“Don’t talk like that. I’ll see you when we get back.”

Ford nodded, letting go of his brother. He stood tall.

“You two better get inside.”

They headed into the compound, as Ford stood outside, the wind sweeping against his face as he awaited Bill.

“Stanford Pines, I knew you would come back to me.” Bill gloated.

Ford lowered his head. “You were right, Bill, I don’t know how I ever doubted you.”

Bill lifted out his hand, flaming and outstretched in bright blue embers.

Ford grasped it, and felt Bill floating into his body. Bill turned into stone as his physical form was left a shell. Ford collapsed to the ground.

“We have very little time,” Orpheus said, one hand extended while the other’s fingers were pointed at his temples,

Billy took out the monitor they had placed on Ford to track his vitals. “His heart rate is low but, everything else is stable. You’re good to go.”

Orpheus nodded. “Keep an eye on us too. If our heart rates reach perilous limits, there is no telling what will happen.”

“Got it.” Billy replied, clicking the other monitors on. Fiddleford and Pete sat by the control panel, as Rusty and Malcolm looked at the setup with skepticism. Brock had left on his own, having recieved a message to wait by the perimeter.

“Do I need to get a vomit bucket?” Malcolm asked.

“This isn’t an exorcism. At least not that kind.” Orpheus said in exasperation. He turned to the the others. “Shall we commence?”

With the last affirmations, Orpheus recited his incantations and they could feel themselves floating into Ford’s mindscape.

They stepped into a hallway of closed doors.

Orpheus tried to open one, but it was locked tightly. Rick took out a device from his pocket, it beeped.

“Cipher must be around here somewhere.” Orpheus said allowed.

“Looks like he could be somewhere in the hippocampus.” Rick declared, looking at the map,

“I think I might have an idea.” Stan suggested.

“So here we are.” Bill said triumphantly, doing a flip in the air. They were in Ford’s mindscape in the wide open wheat field, the remains of the portal and the swing set in the distance. “We made it, huh, Fordsy?”

Ford folded his arms, “So it would seem. Tell me, Bill. How did you figure out the formula to get out of Gravity Falls?”

“I had that pointy nosed jerk figure it out for me. No thank to you,” Bill pouted.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry for doubting you. I should never have disappointed my muse,” Ford said fondly.

“That’s in the past,” Bill said, widening his eye. “We’re back together again and I can dump that loser to the wayside. He was only a means to an end. But you and me, Ford, we’re forever.”

“I’m touched, Bill.” Ford said, placing his hand on his face in affectionate surprise.

“You should be, I don’t offer this to every human. Now here’s your part of the deal. How do I get the portal fluid?”

Ford chuckled. “Of course, it slipped my mind. But tell me one thing, why do you need it if you’ve already left the Nightnare Realm?”

“I’m franchising, baby. Why settle for one dimension when I can expand my nonstop party to the whole multiverse and beyond?” Bill laughed.

Ford knit his brows. “What’s beyond the multiverse?”

Bill waggled his top hat. “Wouldn’t you like to know! Have you heard of the fourth wall?”

“No.”

“Oh, you’re in for a treat. So, the portal fluid?”

Ford handed him a piece of paper with a formula scribbled on it. “A deal is a deal.”

Bill examined the paper, watching as it dissolved like sand in his hand.

The light gleamed against Ford’s glasses. “Sorry, Bill. But you’ve been had.”

Stan emerged from the shadow, stepping forward to punch him. Bill flew backward, hitting an until this point nonexistent wall.

Bill cackled. “You two idiots!” He lifted his hands, slamming them to the ground.

“I knew this was a trap. It was so obvious Sixer didn’t know the formula, just as it would be obvious Rick would have a change of heart and would return to try to play the hero. I see you and the Socerer Supremely Lame hiding over there, Sanchez!”

Rick and Orpheus emerged from their hiding spot, Rick carrying a huge space gun. “Oh yeah, do you want to eat lasers too?”

“For a genius, you should know that won’t work here. You’re on my turf, pal.” Bill sneered.

Orpheus sent a spell, blasting him on the right side of his triangle. Bill screamed, then pushed him back, only for Orpheus to get hit. He clutched his side.

“Orpheus, get out of here, I got this.” Stan said. He ran over to check on the sorcerer, who seemed injured. He grabbed the older man’s hand to help him steady himself.

“I will manage.” Orpheus protested.

“Not like this. You get out while you can.” Stan insisted.

“Stan, I’m your way out.” Orpheus reminded him. Stan looked back at Ford.

“I’ll take my chances.” Stan declared, let go of Orpheus’s hand as he watched him dissolve.

“One down. You know what that means, I can enter your mind and learn the formula myself.”

Bill phased into Rick, and they watched as he fell to the ground.

As Bill entered a clear, white space, he looked for any trace of the scientist’s thoughts.

“What am organized mindscape! I’m sure I’ll have fun rearranging it. I’ll start with…wait. What is that?”

Slowly, Bill noticed the room full with purple smoke.

He quickly left, only to find a husk, a deflated ballon version of Rick lying on the floor.

“Sanchez wasn’t ever here was he?” Bill asked, turning to Stan and Ford.

“I’m afraid not.” Ford confirmed.

“Yeah that was all me. You aren’t the only one with a trick or two up your sleeve.” Stan boasted.

Bill coughed. “What is this? Why am I feeling light headed?”

“You don’t remember this from your last trip through the Portal?” Ford asked. “Aggie still had another vial. Give it another two minutes, and you’ll be completely forgotten.”

“You moron. Do you know what this means? That big brain of yours, all those PhDs, all that knowledge will be gone too.” Bill screamed.

Ford pursed his lips in a thin line. “So be it. If it gets rid of you.”

“Let’s think this through. I can give you anything you want! Money, fame, riches, anything!”

“Goodbye, Bill.”

“Do you want to do the honors?” Stan asked Ford.

“Oh, no. I insist.” Ford replied.

“Want to do it together?” Stan asked.

“Do what?” Bill asked irritably.

As soon as he did, he could feel two simultaneous punches to the face.

As they watched Bill dissolve, they could see they were beginning to dissolve.

“Stanley, you can still leave at any time.” Ford reminded him.

“What if I don’t want to? We’re in this together, Sixer.” Stan reminded him.

“Because this is still my mind, and I can kick you out if I want to. I still want you to have a life, even if it’s without me.” Ford replied.

“You can’t do that.” Stan protested, tears forming in his eyes.

“I can, and will.”

Stan gasped, finding himself shirtless, on his back on the bed in the master bedroom, hooked up to the EKG and the monitors.

“Ford’s heart rate is falling!” Billy exclaimed. “We need to get a shot of epinephrine and some pressure.”

“On it.” Rusty said, pulling out plastic bags and placing them on the IV.

Stan sat up in surprise. “What’s going on?”

Suddenly, the beeping slowed down, the monitor showing a normal heart rate. Billy breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ok, he seems stable. We just need to wait. How are you feeling Stan? Do you still have your memories?” Billy asked.

“Yeah.” Stan said, scratching the back of his head. He saw Orpheus had gotten up and was putting on his robe.

“What about Ford, is he ok?” Stan asked. Ford’s eyes were closed, but he was struggling

Fiddleford stood up, walking over to the bed and sitting down, he ran his hand over Ford’s shoulder, covering his face with his other hand to hide his tears. He let out a sob, then wiped his face. “You used all the serum?” He asked Billy.

“That was the dosage Ford instructed.” Billy replied. “Though considering how strong it was, it might be overkill.”

Billy took out a stethoscope and examined Ford. He saw his eyes flutter open. “He’s waking up!”

Stan rushed over, grabbing his brother’s hand. “Ford! Ford! It’s me, it’s Stan! Are you ok?”

Ford blinked in confusion. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

Stan shook his head. “No! No, no no. I just got you back. I can’t lose you again.”

Not caring, he burst into tears, only to see Fiddleford and Malcolm standing nearby him to comfort him.

——/——————————

Chapter Text

As soon as Aggie and Rand made their way towards the house, the barrier fell. They were surrounded by convoys of armored cars and helicopters awaiting to rescue the captured agents.

Aggie could see Gathers riding along in a jeep as the vehicles circled around them. Next to him was a woman dressed like Jackie O.

“Fancy seeing you here again.” Gathers noted, looking at Aggie. “Care to explain what the hell happened?”

“We had a team over at the compound who figured out how to stop Cipher, a Keter level threat. I was brought in as the bait.” Aggie explained.

“Uh, and I’m here on official business with Cognito.” Rand said, his eyes darting, trying to see how he could turn this around.

Gathers chewed on the stem of his cigarette holder. “Right. Well, take us into the perimeter so we can get a hold of them. To thank them, of course.”

Aggie got into the jeep with Rand, well aware this wasn’t a request.

“Are you OSI or Guild?” The woman asked, her deep husky voice surprising both of them.

Rand laughed. “Wow, you’ve got a set of pipes on you, lady.”

She rolled her eyes, ignoring him.

“Neither.” Aggie replied. “I was with the group in the Venture Compound. He’s just tagging along.”

“Do you know what happened to The Monarch?” The woman asked, biting her lip.

“Malcolm? He’s fine. Maybe his car is worse for wear though.” Aggie said.

The woman breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god.” She extended her hand to shake. “I’m Sheila, by the way, I’m an independent contractor with the Guild.”

Aggie shook her hand. “Nice to meet you. Do you know Phantom Limb, by any chance? I have some questions to ask about his involvement with Bill Cipher.”

Aggie ran inside, calling out to anyone she could think of. It was empty. Glass still littered the floor from the broken windows, and the Impala was still sitting in the living room.

“Jesus, what happened here?” Gathers asked.

“Rusty!” Aggie shouted. “Where are you?”

“Stop screaming, we’re upstairs. Bedroom,” Rusty shouted back.

Aggie ran upstairs to see Stan nursing his head with an ice pack. Billy was examining his pupils, while Brock had placed a blanket over him.

Sheila followed behind her. “Malcolm?” She shouted.

“Sheila?” Malcolm asked in surprise. “How did you find me?”

“Your face was everywhere, all of you were. I saw you were in trouble and I had to get over here. I’ve left Phantom Limb, I only want to be with you.”

Malcolm tried to suppress the smile forming on his face. “Let’s talk about this outside.” He walked out with her, leaving the others behind.

“Sampson, status report.” Gathers barked.

Brock looked up. “The threat has been neutralized, sir.”

Gathers nodded. “Good, let’s head back. You’ll probably be glad to see the back of this place.”

Brock stood up, patting Stan on the shoulder. “I’ll see you around. And take a listen to that Zeppelin tape I gave ya.”

Stan gave a smile. “Yeah, I will, and let me know how that mullet comes along.”

Brock gave a casual wave goodbye. Rusty followed him out, unsure what to say, but wanting to say something.

“Brock, before you go…I just wanted to say, thanks. I’m glad I got to see you again.” Rusty said.

Brock looked unsure how to respond, and fidgeted. “You too, Doc. Who knows? Maybe we’ll see each other again at the next world ending threat.”

“Are you two ninnies going to keep chit chatting? We need to move out!”

Rusty gave him a wave, and watched him drive off with the rest of the OSI.

Orpheus looks worse for wear. He was fast asleep on the bed, completely drained from the magical excursion.

Fiddleford clutched onto Ford, who was staring blankly, looking confused.

Aggie approached him hesitantly, and noticed him looking back at her.

“Who are you?” He asked quietly.

“He’s been asking everyone.” Billy said. “I can’t tell, but it seems like total amnesia.”

“Ford, don’t you remember me? I’m Aggie. We had all those adventures. Like the time in the spaceship, or when we went to the movies and had to run away, or that time we saw those mushrooms under the moonlight…”

Ford blinked. “I’m sorry, I can’t remember those things. It seems so hazy.”

Aggie pulled Stan and shoved him in front of Ford. “What about him? This is your brother, Stanley. You’re twins! You grew up together. Stan, say something you know he’d never forget!”

“Sixer, do you remember the Stan O’War?” Stanley murmured.

Ford’s pupils seemed to dilate. “The Stan O’War…that was our boat…we planned to sail the world together.”

Stan gasped, tears flowing in his eyes. “You remember!”

He wrapped Ford in a tight hug.

“Stan, don’t crowd him, he needs space!” Billy admonished.

“What about me, Ford? Do you remember me?” Fiddleford asked hopefully.

Ford looked at him, examining his face. “I remember that cult we tried to start freshman year. And that pun you made, about the squash that looked like me.”

Fiddleford sniffled. “Gourd-geous!”

He hugged Ford, who seemed content.

Aggie smiled, trying to fight back the tears. He forgot her.

She went downstairs, and noticed Rand waiting at the bottom of the staircase, smoking.

“I’m surprised OSI didn’t check in to arrest you.” Aggie remarked.

“Cognito wouldn’t tell anyone I needed to be brought in, certainly not bottom feeders like the OSI.” Rand replied. “They did send a note though.”

He showed her a scroll with a message from the robes. It was on fire. He threw it on the floor as it dissolved into ash. “They found out about Cipher. I took credit of course. So, they aren’t putting me away, but I’m on probation, whatever that means. That backstabber JR is taking over as head, but I’ll get even with him, you’ll see.”

“Huh. That’s a lot better than you deserve.” Aggie said.

Rand shrugged. “I know how to come out on top, baby. What else can I say?”

“Have fun, I guess. And good riddance, Ridley.” Aggie said.

Rand raised an eyebrow, taking a drag. “Do you want your old job back? It looks like your current boss is well…not present, and you can help me take down JR from the inside.”

Aggie paused. “That is tempting. Can I have some time to think on it?”

“Sure, kid. Take all the time you need. Oh, I didn’t mention the good part. I called Tomoko, and she wants to talk about giving us another shot.”

Aggie frowned, “Maybe that’s not a good idea.”

“Ah, what do you know, Aggs?” Rand said dismissively.

There was a rumble in the ground as a burst of lime green light and a swirling portal bloomed from the wall.
“Rick! You came back!” Aggie exclaimed. She ran over and hugged him. He halfheartedly reciprocated.

“Yeah. I figured it wasn’t fair to actually leave you to die again after all that stuff I said before.” Rick muttered.

“You’re a half hour late, jackass. We took care of it.” Rand shouted.

Rick frowned, taking a swig of his flask. “Ridley, you loser. What are you doing here? Don’t you have some Eyes Wide Shut orgy to not be invited to?”

“I get invited to plenty of them!” Rand fumed. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I promised myself I would not let you get to me again.”

“Whatever, man. Next time you to try to steal from me, do a better job.” Rick snarked.

Aggie let go. She looked directly in his eyes. “Rick,” she pleaded, “I need your help.”

She explained what happened, and Rick listened in contemplation.

“Hold on,” he said. “I’ll be back.”

Rick took out his portal gun, stepping into the portal as it closed into a pinpoint.

“There he goes.” Rand said sarcastically. “Nice seeing you, Sanchez.”

Aggie sighed. “So, what are you going to do now?” She asked.

Rand checked his watch. “I’ve got a helicopter scheduled in the next ten minutes. Want to come with?”

“I’ll figure something out. You go on ahead.” Aggie replied. She walked over and extended her hand. “Hey, no matter what happens, I’ll see you around, right?”

Rand accepted, shaking her hand. “You got it, kid. And I’ll let the whole attempted murder thing slide this time.”

Aggie snorted. “I think we can say we’re even now.”

Aggie watched Rand walk out and folded her arms and sighed.

Aggie walked upstairs to see how the others were doing. Ford was fast asleep, while Stan sat by him, watching intently.

By this point, Orpheus had woken up and was fully dressed. He was talking to Fiddleford about the ramification of using magic to restore his memories.

“I’m afraid it would be far too risky, for we may bring back the Cipher demon as a result, or perhaps it would be too much, too fast.” Orpheus warned.

“So, he may never fully remember us at all?” Fiddleford asked desperately.

Orpheus softened. “Perhaps, you should take it as an opportunity to make new memories.”

He turned to Aggie. “Ah, Miss Davis, glad you could join us.”

“I’m happy to see you’ve recovered, Dr. Orpheus.” Aggie remarked.

“Quite. This has certainly been…an enlightening experience. This adventure has made me more determined to hone my knowledge of the mystical arts. I need to consult my Master, there is still so much I need to learn.”

“Thank you.” Aggie said.

“Of course, if they ever need my help again, do not to hesitate to call. Frankly, I can’t wait to go home. This whole ordeal has made me miss my wife terribly.” Orpheus bade his goodbye, swooshing his cape dramatically, then walking out the door.

“What about you, Fidds? Still planning on going back to see your son?” Aggie asked.

“Should I go?” Fiddleford asked. “Stanford still needs me.”

“How long have you been putting this off? If anything, this has shown us that we need to spend as much time with the ones we love while we can. Ford is still going to be there when you come back.” Aggie reassured him.

Fiddleford took off his glasses and wiped his face. “Maybe you’re right.” He sniffed.

“I can drive us to California in the morning.” Aggie remarked.

“I’d appreciate that.” Fiddleford replied.

“Hey Fidds, did you bring your banjo?” Aggie asked curiously.

“No, but I think I could make one. I keep strings in my pocket for this occasion.”

Aggie grinned, “You know, I saw a can of spam and something long enough to make a neck. Think that could stir some memories?”

Fiddleford snorted. “I reckon they won’t be positive, but I don’t see why not.”

As Fiddleford went to make his makeshift banjo, Aggie went to check on Stan.

“How is he?”

“Still the same.” Stan sighed. He shook his head. “This is all my fault. I should have taken his place. No one would care if my memories were gone.”

“That’s not true!” Aggie exclaimed. “There’s a reason Ford wanted to to keep your memories, and we need to respect that.”

“Maybe.” Stan said, drifting off. He looked at his brother, who was fast asleep. “He looks peaceful, at least. You know, the worst part is, even though it’s possible he won’t remember me, I’m just as worried he will get his memories back and won’t ever want to see me again. And it makes me feel like such a jerk.”

“I think we’d have to let him make that decision. But I know he’s capable of forgiveness. He forgave me, he will forgive you too.” Aggie said, holding Stan’s hand reassuringly.

“You think so?” Stan asked hopefully, his eyes glistening.

“I think he wouldn’t have even gone through all of this if he hadn’t already.” Aggie declared.

Malcolm and Sheila walked into the room, looking disheveled and giggling.

“Good news, Number 2! It looks like Sheila will be joining our team. We’ve already come up with a code name for her…presenting, Dr. Girlfriend!”

“And you wouldn’t believe it. The Sovreign himself saw what happened out there, and he’s interested in fast tracking the Monarch into the guild!”

“Yeah, we got a note sent to us from a bird, it was crazy!” Malcolm shouted.

“That’s great.” Stan said despondently. “But I don’t think I can go with you. I quit.”

“What! But we’ve finally made it.” Malcolm exclaimed. “What are you going to do now?”

“Look after my brother.” Stan replied.

Malcolm looked at Ford in frustration. “But what about me? I need you.” He huffed. Malcolm took a deep breath. “So, that’s it then?”

“I’ll visit, when I can. Who knows, maybe I’ll give henching a shot down the line, or give you some competition as a villain on my own. I think I could spring it. How does Mr. Mystery sound?” Stan joked.

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “Yeah, good luck with that, Stan.” He looked over at Rusty, who had been busy talking to someone on his communicator watch before hanging up.

“Well, Venture. We might have worked together on this round, but know I will return shortly to arch you and I will bring about your end!”

Rusty rolled his eyes. “Yeah, could you hurry it up, then? I just got a call from my dad. Some backhanded compliment of how he’s grateful I took care of this fiasco, but I need to pay for the damage from my own pocket. Not even a thank you? No, he’s too busy planning some movie night at his space station.”

Malcolm gave a low whistle. “That’s rough.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“Expect a visit from me soon…when you least expect it!” Malcolm shouted.

“Uh huh. I also heard from the OSI. Apparently, I’ve been assigned a bodyguard after this. So, good luck with that.”

By this point, Fiddleford had returned, and he brought the banjo. Ford had woken up, and he strummed a few tunes. Pete tried singing an off key version of “Come on Eileen.”

Ford did not seem impressed.

With a whoosh, the portal opened up. Rick stepped out with a helmet and blue glass tubes. “I got it! Took me a while, but I found it.”

He walked over to Ford, placing the helmet on his head and sticking in the glass tube.

“What is that?” Aggie asked, walking over to see what he was doing.

“Mindblowers.” Rick explained. “I use them to store memories. Stole the idea from that hayseed.”

Fiddleford glared at him. “How could you even know about my memory gun?”

“Multiple universes, remember? The Stanford I knew told me you already made it and went zap happy on your town.” Rick shot back.

Rick continued. “Stanford wanted a way of backing up his junk after he got zapped a few times by that memory gun, I use it to mess with people. I got a whole hard drive of memories here, though they’re of my Stanford’s, not this guy.”

“Will it work?” Aggie asked.

Rick flipped the switch. “One way to find out.”

They saw the electricity shoot down the helmet as the glass tubes emptied into Ford’s head. He screamed and his eyes rolled back into his head.

“What are you doing?” Stan shouted. “You’re killing him.”
“I know what I’m doing.” Rick shouted back. “Just wait.”

“So much memory is going to overload him.” Fiddleford fretted.

With a jolt, Ford sat up, his eyes widened and his mouth opened wide. He gasped, breathing heavily.

“Hey, do you know your name?” Rick asked.

“Stanford Pines. And I know who you are, Sanchez.” Ford muttered.

“Do you know where you are?” Rick asked.

Ford looked around. “No? Where is this place?”

“You’re at the Venture Compound.” Rusty answered. “And you’re overstaying your welcome.”

“So he just remembers what your Ford backed up, but nothing from the past few days?” Aggie asked.

“Ford? How are you feeling, are you ok?” Stan asked, hugging his brother.

“Stanley?” Ford looked at him in amazement. “How did you end up on the other end of the Portal?”

Stan looked lost. “What portal?”

“You’re in another universe. This version of you lost all your memories so I used the backup you provided me, what three years ago?” Rick explained. “You didn’t fall in. Not yet, at least.”

Ford furrowed his brows, gripping his head. “I have flashes of other memories. Bits and pieces coming back to me.”

“We’re glad to have you back, Stanford.” Fiddleford declared.

Ford looked at him as if he was seeing a ghost. “Fiddleford, my old friend.” He stood up, taking off the helmet and giving him a hug. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through, could you ever forgive me?”

Fiddleford laughed nervously. “I’m not really sure what I’m forgiving you for, but sure, why not?”

“What about me?” Stan asked.

Ford turned to look at his brother, and softened. “Oh, Stanley. I’ve missed you. You know, when I was travelling, I never stopped thinking about us.” He checked his pockets, and sure enough, he could find it by the feel of the paper. He pulled out the cherished photo of the two of them.

“Looks like this is a constant in every universe at least.” Ford chuckled. “And while I don’t remember everything, I do remember what we did to stop Bill. Thank you, you are my hero.”

Stan grabbed onto Ford tightly, sobbing.

Aggie thought it would be best to give them a moment alone. Rusty, Pete and Billy had already left and were in the kitchen talking about some new record she had never heard of.

“Thanks for everything, Rust.” Aggie declared.

“Yeah, yeah. You owe me one, Aggs.” Rusty said dismissively.

“So what are you three up to after this?” Aggie asked.

“I’ve asked Pete and Billy to stick around.” Rusty said. “I got some calls from the Military, they saw us in action and Venture Industries is getting a crazy amount of orders. I could use the help.”

“What are you going to do with the fact those aren’t your designs? They’re Rick’s,” Aggie pointed out. She looked in the cabinets and started fixing herself a drink. After today she needed one.

“Jesus, Aggs, it’s not even noon.” Rusty said.

“Yeah, well I got chained up with my jerk ex by a demon then my new boyfriend forgot I existed, and now I’m jobless.” Aggie snarked, taking a swig. She made a face. “For someone as rich as he is, Jonas buys shit liquor.”

Rusty shrugged. “More of a mixed drink guy myself. You know, you could always come back here and join us.”

Aggie thought about it, swirling her drink in her hand.

They saw Rick stomp down the stairs and walk over to them. He made his way towards Aggie, grabbing the drink in her hand and downing it in one go.

“Well, my work here is done.” Rick declared. “I overheard you two by the way. And I’m in. I’m willing to go 40/60 with you on the mech suits and in return, I’ll need you to share your secrets on those clone vats you got downstairs.”
Rusty’s eyes widened and he looked around. He wrapped his arm around Rick’s shoulder. “Alright, keep it down. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if I did, hypothetically, I could take you for a tour.” He led Rick away to discuss this further.

“That was weird.” Pete remarked. “Well, Billy and I are going to head back home and pack. I doubt this thing with Rust is going to last, but it will be a nice change of pace.”

“I can’t believe we will be working with Rusty Venture!” Billy said, jumping with excitement.

Aggie looked at Billy and shuffled in her pockets, taking out her card. “Here’s my contact info, Billy. I think you should consider going back to school. I know the admissions at West Coast Tech pretty well, if you want to earn your degree the right way, I can help you get there.”

Billy reached out with his metal hand and accepted the card. “Thanks, Aggie, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Who knows?” Aggie said. “If you have what it takes, you might get scooped up by OSI or Cognito before you know it. Same with you, Pete. Don’t think you have to depend on Rusty,”

After they left. Aggie made another drink. This time it was a vodka soda, she knew Rick was more into the brown stuff.

After some time, Rick and Rusty emerged, shaking hands. “Don’t screw this up for me, Sanchez.” Rust warned.

“You better take a good look at yourself before saying that to me.” Rick replied. Rusty went to look at the damage in his living room.

“Do you know a good contractor?” He asked.

Rick sighed, and released two robots, their metal arms scuttling to clean up the damage.

“So, that’s it then?” Aggie asked.

“Maybe. Are you coming with me?” Rick countered. “Last I heard, you’ve got nothing going on.”

Aggie looked at him. “When would we be coming back?”

“When we feel like it.” Rick shrugged. “Though probably not too soon. This place blows.”

Aggie downed her drink. “Ok, let’s go.”

Rick took out the portal gun from his pocket, and clicked open a new Portal.

“Ladies first.” He said.

“Aggie, wait!”

They turned to see Stanford at the top of the stairs, fully dressed and cognizant.

“Aggie, don’t go. Please, I need to talk to you.” Ford pleaded.

Aggie looked at Rick, who understood. “It’s your loss.” He stepped through the Portal, possibly for good this time.

“What is it, Stanford?” Aggie asked, wondering if she made the right decision.

Ford walked over to her and hugged her. “I remember you.” He said.

Aggie turned to him in surprise. “Really? How?”

“I don’t have everything, but I see flashes of you, pieces that I can’t forget and I want to know more. I want us to make more memories together.” Ford declared.

“Do you remember me betraying you?” Aggie asked apprehensively.

“Yes, but that’s in the past,” Ford said gently.

Aggie let go. “But what do I mean to you now? What are we?”

Ford held onto her hand. “I want to be with you, Aggie. I love you. I didn’t think it was possible for me to care for anyone else as I do for you, but I want to make this work.” He leaned over, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissed her. Aggie kissed him back.

After what seemed like too little time, they came back for air.

“So, what do we do now?” Aggie asked.

“I talked to Stanley, and I do want to make up for lost time with him. It was always our dream to explore the world together when we were kids, and I think I have a chance for us to do so.” Ford said. “I know this is going to be difficult for you and me, and I understand if you want to end this…”

“I don’t.” Aggie declared. “We can make long distance work. And besides, I can always go back to my old job. On the bright side, I don’t have to deal with the problem of dating my boss,” she joked, nuzzling her nose against his.

Ford laughed. “I can assure you, I don’t play favorites.”

“What about a request for a promotion, to say…girlfriend?” Aggie giggled, kissing him again.

“I will take that request into consideration.” Ford said, kissing her back.