Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They had hotboxed the entire garage, so Eli moved into Kevin’s living room and judged his movie collection. 

“Fight Club, Die Hard,.” Eli dragged his finger from movie to movie. “Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars, the Hangover - oh, God, look at that,” he lifted one up with an amused smile.  “Tarzan II.”

“You’re such a dick.”

Oh, joy. Eli’s smile grew. He put the movie down and turned with a flourish. “Peggy, what’s up? Not enjoying the party?”

Peggy was shorter than Eli, a wonderful feat and one of the reasons he dated her, but right now she was using all those limited inches to stare Eli down. She scowled. “I don’t see the fun in this kind of party.”

“You didn’t bring any cash? That’s alright, you can bet things other than money here. Or -” Eli cocked his head to the side, “if you prefer money, I could spot you. You’d just owe me one.”

Peggy now laughed, and it was a horrible sound. Totally ruined the mood, but Eli just kept smiling. And to think he thought tonight would be boring.

“No one in their right mind would offer you a favor, your absolute piece of shit.”

“Ah, so you’re still upset with me, I see -”

“Upset?” Peggy marched toward him, and Eli leaned back, pressing lightly against the DVDs. “Months of dating, a Homecoming and a Prom, and then you ditch me for the quarterback like a damn high school drama?!” Her eyes were wide and slightly red. She pushed him farther back as she gripped the DVD stand, caging him in. “You led me on for half a year, dumped with an “I never loved you” and you think upset is enough to cover it?”

Eli ignored how her voice cracked. “I mean, I can look for synonyms but I don’t think that’d help either.”

Peggy stared at him hard, searching, and Eli almost wanted to ask what she was looking for, who exactly she expected to see. He hoped she wasn’t looking for the boyfriend he played; that just seemed way too pitiful. 

What to do, what to do. He did drag the game out with Peggy, but she was just so damn fun. Eli tilted his head back a bit and decided.

He stopped smiling, sighed, and looked back down at Peggy. “Okay, no more jokes. You obviously want to talk about our breakup. How bout this -“ Eli fished around behind him until he found the movie he wanted. “A hit from our movie nights.”

Peggy’s face twitched, but her eyes softened just the same. She spoke almost fondly when she said, “Footloose? You love that movie, huh …”

Absolutely fucking not. “Of course. Well -“ Eli met her gaze. “Half the fun was watching it with you.”

Her laugh this time was softer, a little more genuine, and that seemed to surprise her. Peggy looked shocked for a brief moment, but then the fury returned to her eyes. She growled and pushed Eli, making some DVD’s fall that he tried in vain to catched.

“I can’t believe you!”

Okay, whatever, it was 11:50 on a Sunday, and Eli was tired. He bent down to pick up the movies, grumbling, “Don’t start a game you don’t feel like playing.”

“That’s what this is to you, isn’t it?” Peggy snapped. “A game? Life’s a game, and you’re the GM?”

Eli shot her an unimpressed glare. “I’m a player, just like you. I’m just better at winning.”

Peggy’s bottom lip wobbled. She better not cry, I swear to God -

“You’re gonna lose one day.”

He sighed again. “What?”

“You keep playing these games, you’re eventually going to lose.” That glint of steel was back in her eyes. Eyes that looked slightly wet. “And I hope you lose bad, Elijah. I hope it breaks your heart. I hope it teaches you to not treat people like this. And I hope everyone around you gets to see you for the slimy, bitter, hateful person you are.”

That . . . was surprisingly scathing. Eli raised his eyebrows. Impressive, Peggy.

But way to push an already bad mood.

Eli straightened up and stayed silent as he placed the movies back on the shelf, putting them in alphabetical order. He let her stew a bit because she would. Peggy was a slow burner, and she’d already used quite a bit of energy already bitching at him. She was stubborn though, so she was going to see this through. 

He finally turned back to her and crossed his arms. Eli appraised her, openingly looking her up and down like he was browsing a store and found a broken product. 

The muscles in Peggy’s jaw jumped, and her glare sharpened. “What?”

“Were you in love with me?” Eli asked.

Peggy visibly paled and then flushed.

“No, here’s a better question, are you still in love with me?” Eli stepped forward, pushing her out of his space. “Is that what this is? Are you so angry over the break up that you’re here to harass me? Wish for general failure in my life?” Eh, that might be a stretch, gotta pull back a bit. “I’m in a relationship, Peggy. I’m not just your ex, I’m Mike’s boyfriend. I’ve moved on, so why is it you can’t do the same and instead come here to pick a fight?”

“I -” she sputtered, “you’re - you’re doing it again!”

“Doing what, Peggy? What am I guilty of now?” 

“You’re twisting the facts! As if you didn’t deliberately hurt me -”

“I’m sorry you put more weight into our relationship than I did,” Eli interrupted. “But I did what I thought was fair and cut it off. You accuse me of stringing you along, when I literally stopped dating you once I realized I wasn’t in it.”

‘You’re such a bitch - I can see through you, ya know!” Peggy was crying now. “I might be the only person in Georgia who knows you - the tiny bits of yourself you never want anyone to see. And I’m here to tell you, they’re ugly! Every part of you is so twisted it's no wonder you’re a liar. If anyone knew who you truly were you’d lose everything. Maybe your dad noticed before the rest of us and that’s why he left you and your whore mom.”

Eli once again got to witness the pleasure of seeing Peggy visibly shocked by her own words. A small part of him burned with a hurt he wasn’t going to look into, but it was almost worth it to see the horror slash across her features as she got her hands dirty. 

It was the right call to break up. She’s way more interesting like this.

But for now, he had a role to play which consisted of him tightening his jaw and ignoring the angry flush in his face. He wished he could have properly faked that.

“Real classy, Pegs,” Eli muttered. 

“You started it,” she said just as quietly.

“As if you didn’t fucking hunt me down tonight. You know I personally work the ring on Sundays.” 

“And yet you’re not in the garage where the actual betting is going on.” Peggy met his gaze, still embarrassed but barely cowed. “You’re in here, alone, browsing through movies you aren’t going to watch because as much as you may hate it, I know damn well you hate drugs and drinking and would rather subject yourself to this little exile than get a contact high. Even if your favorite little project is going on in the next room.”

Eli hated that the heat on his face got hotter. Well, she was bound to notice some things during two semesters of dating. “What’s your fucking point?”

“I know you, Eli.”

That’s not true.

“And I know you’re going to get bored with Mike just like you got bored with me.” Her voice cracked again, but she pushed on. “You’re going to chew through every little thing in this world and it's never going to satisfy you, you know that? You’re never going to find whatever you’re looking for, and that fact brings me a lot of gratification.”

What the actual fuck. 

Eli floundered, struggling which direction to steer this confrontation. He couldn’t focus with that shoved in his face, he couldn’t figure out how to move her away from this topic. How the absolute hell did she even come to that conclusion? Peggy thinks his favorite movie is fucking Footloose but can also call him out on -

He didn’t know what to fucking do. 

Eli opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed it, wondering why he was struggling so hard. As if that hurt more than the comment about his dad? What?

And there she was, looking ragged with mascara running down her cheeks, and yet she looked satisfied with this whole talk. 

Eli licked his lips and released a breath. “For someone who never liked gambling, you sure do know when you have a good hand.”

Her eyebrows rise. “You’re - you’re actually admitting it?”

Oh? She didn’t expect him to? Eli latched onto that opening like a drowning man. His voice was still a little lifeless when he said, “What, like I don’t recognize myself when someone shoves a mirror in my face? What do you take me for?”

Whatever Peggy was about to say was cut off by Kevin storming into the living room. “Eli! I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Listen, there’s a problem, dude, Richie’s back, and I don’t know what to -”

The dumbass finally stopped when he noticed Peggy crying. His mouth flapped open and closed, and Eli prayed he didn’t look like that two minutes ago, but he finally settled on hooking a thumb back. “Um, Eli, I need help.”

Eli sighed and rubbed between his eyes. “Fine, okay, I’m coming.”

He shoulders past his ex with a, “Have a good night, Peggy. And if you’re feeling up to it, please stay and enjoy the show.”

He saw her hair move out of the corner of his eye as she swung around to watch him leave, but he was already following Kevin out into the garage.

“Needed a save?” Kevin asked, smirking.

Eli rolled his eyes. “Took you long enough,” he lied. “So what’s the problem?”

“Okay, so remember Richie?”

“The guy who lost $400 at poker?” 

“Yeah, him, he - uh, decided not to pay it?”

Eli raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh, well that just won’t do, will it.”

Kevin looked disturbed and gestured at Eli. “The reason I got you is because you . . . do shit like that.”

“You’re ever so welcome.”

The garage was crowded, just like always. The LED lights strung over the ceiling were the only light, and the smoke danced visibly under them. The garage door was closed, and the teens inside continued breathing weed into fog. Eli wrinkled his nose but pushed forward to where the population was the densest: at the game table. 

Usually the energy was pretty tense in the fun way and not in the ‘there might be a fight here which would result in adults finding out of the ring’ kind of way. And while Eli would love nothing more than to see a fight - it would do so much for his mood right now - but he really can’t lose the ring. He marched forward, past sweating bodies and jerking arms. Mike, who was sitting farther in the back, caught sight of him and held out an arm, but Eli waved him off. 

Melany was dealing for poker, and Eli could see the hulking form of Richie towering over her. Eli could see the drug poofing along with his every breath. Melany was made of iron and bone, but that wasn’t going to do much against angry, white trash.

“ - there is no way you could make me pay, so just deal me in.”

Melany’s eyebrow twitched. “You cannot be dealt in when you haven’t paid a debt more than $100. You are required to abide by the rules of poker in order to win and lose money. If you cannot, you cannot play. Those are the base rules -”

“I’m not paying over fifty for this shit.”

“Well, that’s in bad taste,” Eli cut in. “Considering you’ve taken winnings before.”

Richie turned his nasty face on him, and Eli was reminded about how much of a hard on for Eminem. It’s in the face, shaved head, hoodie, and sweats. Eli wished he was taller, so pieces of trash like Richie couldn’t tower over him.

“Oh, look who can to step in, the fucking kingpin himself.” Richie had the fucking gall to spit on the floo. “What are you going to fucking do about it, Vlass? Slap my wrist or tell me to play nice?” 

God, pushing the buttons of a dumbass like him is exactly what Eli needed.

“How about this,” Eli said, gesturing for Melany to move on so he could take her seat. He stretched before leaning his hand on the back of his hand. “We make a new gamble - a coin toss - and if you win, I’ll erase your debt.”

There were murmurs and gasps from the people around which caused morse smoke to smear the air, and Eli was already feeling slightly nauseous. He could see Mike standing up and making his way forward with a concerned expression. Kevin was also looking at him with dismay, but glancing his way meant Eli saw when the door to the house opened, and Peggy joined the party.

He accidently met her gaze, and it was almost enough to shake him, but he pushed through. 

Richie was smiling like a shark and joined Eli at the table. “Oh? Fuck, yeah, I’m interested. What happens if you lose?”

Eli held back his sigh, but Melany snapped for him.

“He already said that if he loses, he’ll let you out of $400s, dumbass.”

“You should be asking what happens if you lose.” Eli smiled.

Now everyone around him looked confused, Richie included. “I . . . do have to pay the $400?”

Eli threw his head back and laughed a little too long and a little too loud. Just enough to make everyone here uncomfortable. “No, no, no, you obviously wouldn't pay that if you’re not going to pay your debt now. No, this gamble is going to be a little more immediate and a little more lasting.”

As soon as he was done speaking, Eli reached under the table and grabbed the knife that was right where the dealer could grab it if needed, raised it up high, and stabbed it into the table. Everyone jumped, and one girl even screamed. 

Eli pushed his smile even farther, feeling the tension build in his cheeks. He opened his eyes a little wider and tilted his head to the side. “If you win, your debt is gone. If you lose, I’ll stab you in the tongue. How does that sound?”

“What?” Richie hiss, jerking up. “What kind of fucking deal is that?”

“No, you’re right.” Eli pulled the knife free to tap it against his cheek, pretending to contemplate the deal. “I’ll stab myself in the tongue if I lose, too! That’s fair, right?”

There was a clamor of noise, and shifting bodies, and someone grabbed Eli’s shoulder, but he held his gaze with Richie’s wide eyes. He could see the perspiration building on the idiot’s skin. Eli dug around in his jacket before finding a quarter and held it up to his eye.

“Come on, it’s 50/50. Just think, there’s a chance for you to get out of all this drama scot free. No more putting up with any dealer's bullshit. No more these dumb ass junior’s taking your entire pay check. And you can go back to getting at least $60 a week.” Eli tilted his head the other way. “And you could watch me get a new piercing.”

“Eli!”

Oh, that sounded like Mike. Well, Eli didn’t have time for that right now.

Richie was visibly shaken because he’s the kind of guy who talks big shit and venerates gangsters but wouldn’t be able to handle a broken bone much less actually breaking one. 

“Come on, come on, come on, come on!” Eli started stabbing the table over and over. He rolled the quarter to Richie who instinctively fumbled to catch it. “You call it, man. Come on, let’s settle this!”

People were shouting, and more people were pulling at Eli’s arms. 

Richie’s hands were trembling, and he was shaking his head. “You’re fucking crazy, what the fuck. What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“$400!” Eli screamed, jumping to his feet. He points the knife at Richie’s face. “Take it or leave it! Flip the damn coin!”

“NO!” Richie screamed, throwing the coin at Eli’s face. It was a pretty good hit, smacked him right in the cheek, but Eli kept smiling. “I’ll pay, you fucking maniac. I’ll pay!”

Eli stood frozen for . . . one mississippi, two mississippi . . . then sighed in disappointment, dropping the knife on the table with a pout. “Fucking boring, okay.”

Eli held out his hand, and low and behold, Richie had the fucking cash on him. He was probably going to keep betting tonight. Whomp whomp. Eli counted the bills, nodded, and handed them over to a shell shocked Melany before making a show of checking his phone. “And with that, it’s now 12:30, and on a school night. Everybody out, debts are due next week as usual, and winning will be distributed at the same time. Thank you and goodnight.”

There was a moment of blank confusion before people started awkwardly shuffling out. The garage door was opened, and that horrible cloud of weed escaped into the air. Eli made eye contact with Mike who was looking at him with horror before shuffling out with the crowd without saying a word. Eli also saw Peggy eyeing him with resigned hatred as she left too. 

Ah, well, he was probably single again. Whatever. 

Eli went to one of the dirty couches in the back of the garage and grabbed his backpack from behind it. He collapsed onto the couch with a groan and grabbed his black book. “Melany, can you bring me the log?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” She picked up the notebook kept by the dealer’s seat and walked over as if Eli was a rabid animal. “Do you want the, um, the money box, too?”

“Hm,” Eli turned to Kevin. “I’m gonna need a ride home, so do you want me to do this now or later since the money box doesn’t leave your house?”

Kevin was looking at him like Eli was speaking Swedish. Mouth agape once again.

Eli leaned forward a bit. “Hello? Do you want to kick me out or can I work on this?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kevin finally asked.

“What do you mean?” Eli lied. 

Melany was busying herself with packing up, keeping her head down and mouth shut. 

“Why the actual fuck would you do something like that?” Kevin was steadily getting louder. He was lucky his parents were never home.

“You literally came and got me -”

“I didn’t want you to stab anyone, Elijah!” 

Eli gaped at him. “Wait, did you actually think I was gonna do it?”

Kevin visibly lost his steam, and Melany finally stopped pretending she wasn’t eavesdropping, and they were both just staring at him.

“You were . . . faking?” Kevin asked.

Eli rubbed his temples. “I think, in our line of work, it’s called fucking bluffing, Kevin.”

“But . . . you sounded so -”

“Kevin, if you fucking say ‘believable’, I’m going to lose it. No, I was not going to stab Rickie fucking Harris.” Eli took a calming breath. “I just needed to scare the shit out of him to get him to behave.”

“I - um, yeah, of course. Take as long as you need for the number crunching, too, dude. But I do need to ask,” Kevin said, “where did the knife come from?”

“Oh, that’s - um, mine,” Melany said, raising her hand. “I brought it because some players get a little . . . sassy.”

“What?” Kevin sounded straight up dismayed. “Do you want a bouncer or something? We can definitely afford it -”

“No, no, I don’t wanna be bother or anything, I’m good -”

Eli let them fade into the background as he got busy getting all of his notes in order. It was half past 2:00 am when Kevin drove Eli home. It was 3:00 am when Eli actually went inside. And it was at 4:00 when Eli pierced his tongue in his bathroom.

He sat on the floor, ice against his mouth, staring at his face. His dye was growing out. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the door, a headache pounding behind his eyes. It was that time of night where every word spoken today eoched around in his head. Peggy’s voice was a stake through his brain, and the cherry on top of the entire evening was how she called him out so clearly.

Eli sighed and closed his eyes. His mouth tasted like blood, and his vision was swirling from the lack of sleep. 

 “I’m so fucking bored.”

Chapter Text

JJ Bentley knocked on the door to junior’s calculus class tentatively. Fourth period was coming to a close, and the door had been cracked open slightly. Dr. Harvey was someone who taught for fun - he was lucky enough to be a Dellionair - but he was chill enough to allow the end of the period to end in casual conversation just as long as everyone wasn’t too loud. 

Well, that’s what his brother said anyway. 

Zach Campbell, one of the upperclassmen on the basketball team caught sight of JJ and scamped over. “What’s up, kid? Looking for someone?”

JJ was glad his skin was dark enough that his blush didn’t show too bad. “Um, yeah - yes. I’m looking for Elijah.”

Zach raised an eyebrow and smiled. “You mean Eli Vlass?”

JJ chewed on the inside of his lip. “Yeah. Is he here?”

Zach shook his head. “Nah, he left like twenty minutes ago.”

“He left?”

“Yeah, Doc had him take something down to the office, and he didn’t come back.” Zach shrugged. “He probably got sidetracked. You know Eli, right?”

“Yeah,” JJ said. “He’s my brother.”

That got a reaction. 

“No way!” Zach exclaimed. “I didn’t know Eli had a brother! Y’all look nothing alike.”

Obviously, Campbell. 

“Yeah. Um, you said the principal's office?” JJ repeated. “Thanks, I’ll go see if I can hunt him down.”

“Cool, man. Good luck.” Zach laughed and walked back inside. “Eli can be pretty slippery when he feels like it.”

A girl at the desk nearest them laughed and blushed. 

JJ left as fast as he could, his tail between his legs. 

The principal’s office wasn’t far, and he actually ran into Elijah before he even got there. 

He was kneeling in front of a little girl, about four or five, right outside the office door. Elijah pulled a card out of who-knows-where and tucked it behind his hand, smoothly making it disappear. The little girl gasp with delight and clapped her hands. Elijah made the card reappear, and she squealed higher. 

It was a trick JJ remembered him practicing for weeks, and the whole act was something Elijah would do with Ester Mae when she was younger. 

JJ smiled and walked over. “Did you kidnap a kid?”

Elijah glanced over, and JJ remembered Mom calling that face ‘big, brown, doe eyes’. 

“Why, I am hurt by your insinuation,” Elijah said, placing a hand in his chest. “I think you broke my heart.”

He reached under his shoe and pulled out an ace of hearts. 

Wonder what he originally planned to do with that. 

“This is Emily,” Elijah nodded to her. “Her mom is here to check out her older sister.” Elijah whispered behind his hand. “Womanly problems.”

“Like period?” JJ asked before he realized what he was saying and slapped a hand over his mouth. 

Elijah made a commiserating face, and little Emily asked loudly, “What’s period?”

Elijah turned to her with a smile. “Something to look forward to when you’re older.” He turned back to JJ and said, “and no. It’s the other P word.”

Pregnancy? 

“Emily told you that?” JJ asked incredulously. 

Elijah now looked exasperated. “No, stupid. It’s a rumor around the school that’s more than likely true.”

JJ wanted to ask how he knew that, but knowing Elijah, he did some snooping. Right then, the office door opened and a frazzled woman stepped out. Emily ran to her side and bounced on her heels. 

“Huh? Okay, hi, sweetie. Wait, what is that?” She reached down and pulled something off the pink backpack Emily wore. Turning it, she showed everyone a joker card. 

Emily screeched happily, and Elijah smiled. 

“That one’s yours,” he told her. 

Emily’s mother smiled, her face haggard. “Thank you for watching her, Eli. I appreciate - ah, Madison!”

JJ turned to see a pretty blonde girl hurrying down the stairs towards them. Her face was down, and her knuckles were clutched tight to her purse. 

Her mom held out her hand, and Madison made a mad dash for it, grasping it like a lifeline. 

“Come on, let’s go home.” Her mother made to lead her outside, but Eli spoke up before they left. 

“Hey, Maddie?” 

The trio stopped, mother looking apprehensive, Emily looking confused, and Madison looking embarrassed. 

“My mom was fifteen when she had my older sister. She teaches at the middle school.” Elijah smiled softly. “You’re going to be just fine whatever happens, okay?”

Madison gaped for a moment before she nodded, a little color back in her cheeks. When her family turned to walk away, they weren’t stopped again. 

“She didn’t want her mom to know,” Elijah explained, watching them walk into the parking lot. “She trusted the wrong person to bring her a pregnancy test today at school. After she took it, Kaylee Marvel posted the results on Snapchat for the whole school to see.”

“What a bitch,” JJ breathed, livid. “Why would she do that?”

Elijah shrugged. “I can’t say. I only know about this because I helped get Maddie the money she needed to afford a test. Her parents are pretty strict and don’t give her an allowance.”

Helped her get the money? “Wait, do you know who’s baby it is?”

Elijah shot him a look out of the corner of his eye. “Hers. But, anyway, what did you want? Are you skipping homeroom?”

JJ flushed slightly. “Are you?”

Elijah laughed. “No, but, seriously, what’s up?”

JJ breathed deeply and said in a rush, “I need your help making varsity in basketball.”

Elijah made a face. “You want me - wait, I thought tryouts were over?”

“Christain Smith broke his wrist and is going to be out the rest of the season,” JJ explained. “Since we’re so low on players for varsity, they have to pull someone from JV.” 

“Okay . . . I’m still not exactly sure what you want me to do?” Elijah shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t exactly help you train or anything.”

Asking Elijah to train him in a sport was like asking a cat to photosynthesize. “Obviously, dumbass. I’m pretty sure I’ll make it as long as Lucas O’Henry doesn’t play his best.” JJ held up his hand, index finger and thumb a centimeter apart. “He's only better than me by this much.”

Elijah eyebrows were high on his pale face, and the startled smile forming at least proved he was interested. “Jonah Joe Bently, are you asking me to fucking sabotage someone?”

“Ugh, not sabotage, you fucking weirdo.” JJ shook his head. “I need your help distracting him, so he won’t be so focused on the try out.”

“Uh huh, that’s what sabotage is, glad we got that decided.”

“No,” JJ groaned. He ran his hand through his hair. “Listen, I don’t want you to - to, I don’t know, ruin him or anything. I just . . . I just want a shot at this. I don’t want Lucas hurt or mistreated or anything, I just want a fighting chance. If it requires sabotage, then forget it. There’ll . . . always be next year.”

Elijah was frowning at him now. “Why did you come to me for this in the first place?”

What? Unexpected question. 

“Because you’re the king,” JJ said matter-of-factly.

“I’m a what?” Elijah asked, visibly shocked.

“Uh, that’s what people call you?” JJ squinted at him. “Like, almost everyone in your grade calls you that? Ringing any bells?”

Elijah’s furrowed eyebrows smoothed as he seemed to realize something. “You fucking mean kingpin, you idiot!”

“That’s what I just said -”

“They are literally two different things -”

“ - why would people call you a Spider-man villain? -”

“ - making it sound like I rule high school or something,” Elijah muttered. He shook his head and said, “Some people call me kingpin because I started a little club off campus. It currently can’t go without me, so yeah. Kingpin. As in an important dude.” 

“A club? You’re in a club?” JJ asked. “Wait, is that the thing you do every Sunday at Kevin’s?”

Elijah looked to the side. “I - well, yes. It is.”

No fucking way, JJ thought Elijah went to parties every weekend. “What kind of club?”

He could see Elijah debate what to tell him. “Do you remember Casino Royale?” 

“No.”

“My expertise is a waste on you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, can I come?”

That got his attention. “Huh? Come where?”

“Can I come,” JJ dragged out, “to your super-secret, off campus club?”

Elijah opened and closed his mouth, and JJ pushed forward to convince him. “Come on, I’m a high schooler now, too! I won’t, like, embarrass you or anything. Elijah, pleeeeeease!”

Elijah lightly glared at him. “You’re not acting like a fucking high schooler now.”

“Pleeeeeeeeease, Elijah!”

“Okay, how about we make a deal,” his brother cut him off. “I’ll try to help with your little basketball problem, and how that goes will depend on whether or not you come with me.”

Oh, fuck yeah. “Okay, it’s a deal.”

JJ stuck out his hand, but Elijah kept talking.

“Just so you know, I want to make this fun. I hate doing boring shit.”

“Yeah, okay?” JJ gestured with his hand.

“And I don’t wanna hear it if things don’t go according to your plan.”

“If I don’t make the team, then I don’t make it, now come on, my arm’s getting tired.”

Elijah glared at him as if JJ is the one being difficult but did concede and shake on it.

“When are tryouts?”

“End of the month.”

Elijah smiled and it pulled his pale face taunt. “Then I guess I better get started.”

. . .

(“If Grandma knew you were shortening your name at school, she’d be livid.”

“Your grandmother has no control over me.”

“Why do you go by Eli?”

“Huh? Oh, well, I don’t know. People just call me that. Kinda like how every Michael seems to become a Mike and every Gabriel becomes a Gabe.” Eli’s smile was sharp. “Guess people just get tired of long winded angels and prophets, isn’t that right, Jonah?”)

. . .

This was probably going to be a bad idea, but Eli was bored so what the heck. He sat in the stands as basketball practice hit the halfway mark  and eyed his fellow spectators.

There were some people using the gym seats to relax with their clique, there were some cheerleaders waiting for their turn on the floor, but he was more interested in the people waiting on the players. 

There were plenty of scattered groups waiting for practice to finish so they could snatch their specific player away for some fun. Friends, boyfriends, ah - girlfriends.

(“Is Lucas dating anyone?”

“Huh, yeah. Ashley Kim, why?”)

Took flipping through one of JJ’s old yearbooks to find out what that girl looked like, but Eli got her. And he could see her, eating her lunch alone in one of the seats closer to the floor. She was reading a book and trying really hard to not get her peanut butter and jelly on it.

Eli stood up, pulled the hood of his hoodie off his head, and made his way towards her. “Hey.”

Ashley Kim looked up. “Um, hi?”

Eli nodded to the seat next to her. “Mind if I sit with you? I’m waiting for my brother to finish practice.” He sighed dramatically. “I’m his ride and can’t leave this place without him.”

Ashley laughed. “Um, sure, go right ahead. Who’s your brother?”

“Thanks.” Eli sat down and stretched his legs out. “JJ Bentley.”

“What? No way.” Ashley leaned forward, her brown eyes wide. “I didn’t know JJ even had a brother. You two look nothing alike!”

Eli laughed even though that comment was never really funny. “We get that alot. We have different dads.”

“I’ll say,” Ashley laughed. “So you’re a Bentley, too?”

So she’s sociable. Friendly and outgoing, and Eli was sure there had to be some flirty in there. That made everything a little easier.

“Nope,” Eli said, popping the p. “I kept my Mom’s maiden name. I’m Eli Vlass.”

“What?” Ashley explained a little too loud. Some people around them glanced over, and Eli had even jumped a bit.

“Um, yeah? Have you heard of me?” God, his ears were ringing.

“Have I!” Ashley leaned even closer. “My older sister is best friends with Jennefer Rodrigeuz.”

Oh? Well then. 

“ Jen,” Eli said kind of wistfully. “I miss her. Hopefully what you’ve heard is all good?”

Now the freshmen flushed and backed up, but she was still smiling. “Um, yes. Yes, they said some pretty . . .  pretty nice things about you. She’s said some of the - um, good things - wait, not to me! To my sister, but I - uh . . . I live with her, so . . . yeah. Good things. Really good things.”

“Glad I left her satisfied if she left such a glowing review.” Eli chuckled. “So, who are you waiting on?”

“Huh? Oh! Um, my boyfriend, Lucas.”

“Which one is he?”

Eli leaned closer, and Ashley, still red in the face, pointed him out. 

“Oh, what a cutie. Good for you, Ashley.”

Her face was getting redder. “Thank you. He’s - uh, he’s good.”

Man, he was getting lucky today. The conversation just flowed there itself.

Eli gave her a knowing smile. “Good like Jen thinks I’m good or . . .?”

Ashley’s face looked like a tomato. “NO! Good like - like he’s nice, and he-he can cook and has a dalmatian that loves him -”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Eli interrupted her with raised hands. “I didn’t mean to pry. That’s personal. I’ll, uh, stop bothering you.”

Eli moved to stand up, and just as expected, Ashley stopped him.

“No, I didn’t mean to run you off. I just -” Ashley rubbed her face. “We haven’t - umm. Well, we just haven’t.”

“Oh, well that’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Eli said, sitting back down. “We can’t all be little hoes like me and Jen.”

There is something exciting about talking to upperclassmen. They seem cool, and secure, and everything a little freshmen would want to be. If an upperclassman gives you the time of day, you hold that memory close. Sprinkled with the rush of excitement that talking about scandalous things, Ashley tripped herself right where Eli wanted her to go.

“But, well. Do you have . . . any advice for . . . me?”

“Advice?” Eli asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Yeah, for like,” Ashley stuttered and even gestured at Eli’s body, bless her heart. “Advice for . . . being good?”

“Oh! Oh, sure. Well, it's sometimes best to start small - don’t want to come across as desperate, obviously - so I’d do something cheeky, just to get the ball rolling.” Eli smiled. “Have you sent any pictures before?”

. . .

It was two weeks later at another basketball practice where Eli got caught up on Ashley’s progress.

“Did it work?”

“YES! I mean,” she lowered her voice, but still sounded giddy. “He - he said he liked them. That they were sexy. He even sent me some back, isn’t that great?”

“It’s great,” Eli told her. “It’s perfect.”

. . .

It wasn’t hard to swipe Ashley’s phone during one of their hangouts in the gym when she went to the bathroom.

Taking a page out of Kaylee Marvel’s book and opening Snaprchat was just as easy. Once that was done, Eli placed a note he’d already written on Ashely’s bag. One that said, hey, my mom had an emergency and I needed to go watch my little sister Ester Mae. I’m so sorry, but I gotta go.

He left the gym and a toxic little spring to his step, went to the boy’s bathroom, and flushed Ashley Kim’s phone down the toilet. 

He watched the rose gold case bang against the bowl before disappearing into the drain and stomped down a rising feeling of shame.

Whatever. JJ asked him for help, and this was the only help Eli knew how to give.

. . .

With his nudes leaked to the entire school, Lucas O’Henry didn’t even show his face at tryouts, and JJ Bentley got it with no competition.

Eli hid around a corner as Lucas and Ashley had a blowout fight with Lucas asking why she would post those and Ashley crying and insisting she didn’t. Lucas broke up with her then and there, and Ashley went home early in her sister’s car. 

It was a shame. Some part of Eli wanted those two to somehow stick it out. Maybe band together and spit in the face of societal propriety. 

But they were fifteen and didn’t even know if they loved each other. At least one of them owned a dalmatian; that was pretty cool.

. . .

Eli got away with it scot free, of course. The only one who would have been able to piece it together was Ashley, and she didn’t seem to have the frame of mind to understand that a person could do that. 

Actually, there was one person who figured it out.

“What the fuck have you done?” JJ screamed at him during the car ride home. “I can’t believe - why would you - Elijah, what the hell is wrong with you?!”

I should’ve guessed.

“I did what you asked me to,” Eli told him, bored. “You made varsity. Congratulations.”

“That’s not what I wanted -”

“It is what you explicitly asked for -”

“- and I told you to not-not ruin Lucas -”

“-and you wanted me to sabotage him -”

“- NO, I DIDN’T!”

“Oh, my God.” Eli leaned back, shaking his head. 

JJ was crying.

“I just -” his little brother hiccuped. “I don’t understand why you would do that? Why would you do something so - so evil?”

Oh, what a choice of words. 

“You asked me to do this,” Eli repeated.

“I didn’t,” JJ shook his head. “I didn’t.”

“Then maybe you should have trusted yourself to actually be a good player instead of trying to rig the system in your favor. You wanted to cheat, and now you’re regretting your own actions. Grow the fuck up, JJ.”

“I never wanted this.”

Eli braked a little too hard. “You did once.”

“I could tell,” JJ snapped. “I could tell the whole school that this is all your fault. I’m going to -”

“It would be on your head, too,” Eli interrupted, voice even. “You started this story. You invited me into this situation. If you let me take the fall, I’ll pull you down with me. Then you’ll not only lose the respect and friendship of your classmates, you’ll lose that varsity spot you wanted so damn bad. You’ll make everything pointless.”

JJ’s jaw worked as he struggled to come up with something to say. “But at least people would know about you. You’ll lose your own - own little network too.”

Eli laughed, shaking his head. “God, you’re so fucking stupid. You still don’t get it. I’m the kingpin. Half my grade already knows I’m crazy, and the other half wants to find out. No matter what rumor gets out, whatever evil I commit, it’s only going to help me.” Eli rolled his tongue piercing around in his mouth. “They can’t afford to get rid of me. I hold this game together, and people love the rush. You, Jonah, would go down into the belly of the whale alone.”

JJ didn’t speak for the rest of the ride, but he couldn’t stifle his sobs.

I think a version of me died today for him. I think he lost sight of the brother he thought I was. 

Well, that’s fair, I suppose.

Eli gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles popped. 

JJ was silent until they made it to their home. As Eli unbuckled, he heard JJ whisper, “You were just supposed to help me out.”

“You don’t call Satan to exorcize a demon.”

A snort. “Oh, is that what you are?”

It’s what we all are. You’re just not willing to admit it.

“Get out of my fucking truck and wrestle with whether or not you’ll tell mom.”

JJ tore out of the car and ran into the house, not looking back.

Eli took his time as he got their stuff out of the back. He dug around in his pocket for his deck of cards and fished out the last joker. He placed it in JJ’s pencil bag and zipped it up, face blank. He stood there for a second, heart empty and full at the same time. 

He sighed and tilted his head toward the sky. The only rush that was left was the gamble when he opened the front door. Would Mom and Chuck know? Would JJ tell them just for comfort? Did JJ want to be punished for what happened because Eli knew he felt guilty?

If that was the case, then good. Maybe that would really drive this lesson home. Eli really hated cheating. Eli started walking towards the house.

He rolled the dice and opened the front door.

Chapter Text

The first time Elijah went missing was when he was six, and it was in the local mall. 

Mary Lee had left Ruth with her father that day because she watched  a horrifying Dr. Phil episode about an adopted child feeling unloved when compared to the parents biological son. JJ just turned two, and Mary Lee could still remember when Elijah looked at him for the first time, a wrinkly baby in the hospital, and said, “he’s a different color than me.”

Not that Elijah was adopted, but Mary Lee worried that the visual differences would make him feel out of place. The kid on tv cried for almost the whole episode …

Mall trip. Maybe they’d go and see a movie, and just get the chance to rebuild some mother son time. And it had been going fine. Elijah stared at the pigeons in the parking lot for a solid five minutes before entering, and she bought him a cookie that he took three bites of, and then she gave him some cash for the arcade games on the lower floor. He lost all ten bucks, didn’t win a single toy, but his smile was wide. 

Mary Lee ran a hand through his hair and wondered if he’d ever let her dye it. 

No, it had been a good day, up until Mary Lee turned her back for two seconds to listen to a vendor selling a hair straightener, and Elijah vanished.

Her heart felt like it literally stopped for a moment, physically giving her a break in order to properly take in the fact that her son wasn’t standing where she left him. 

That’s when the panic set in, and Mary Lee started to scream. She checked everywhere, and then strangers started looking, and then the mall police started looking, and the overhead speaker that usually just updated everyone on the latest sales started calling out for an Elijah Vlass. 

It was two hours before someone screamed: “I found him!”

Mary Lee had ditched her bags a long time ago, so nothing hindered her as she ran full speed back toward the food court. An elderly woman was seated by the wishing fountain in the middle of the court - all tables pointed to it as if it was a solemn duty to track tossed pennys. The woman was walking into the fountain, and Mary Lee cried in relief as her baby sat up from inside the fountain. 

She slid on her knees to the fountain edge, her elbows banging off the side of the stone as she reached out and pulled Elijah into her arms. His clothes were wet, and his hair was stuck to his face, and he had the gall to look at her like Mary Lee was the one acting a fool right now. 

Whenever Mary Lee could catch her breath, a fury that had been apparently simering just underneath her worry exploded. 

“You come when I call you!” she screamed right in Elijah’s face. “You do not wander off anywhere. You stay by me, you hold my hand, if you need something, tell me. We were calling for you! Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you come back?” Mary Lee shoved her hair out of her face, and gestured frantically to the fountain. “What were you doing?”

Elijah looked at her with his big, wide, Bambi brown eyes. She could see the tears starting to pool as he searched her face like he really didn’t understand why she was upset. Elijah opened and closed his mouth multiple times before he just limply slapped his hand into the water. “Imma . . . a wish.”

Mary Lee’s frustration was breaking away to allow exhaustion to set it. “What?”

Elijah’s face scrunched up and started to turn red. The tears fell, and his voice broke as he jerked down and fished out a coin, shoving a dirty penny in her face. “A wish. I’m one, too.”

Mary Lee bit hard on the inside of her cheek but still ended up saying, “What, you were done with being my son and decided to leave for greener pastures?”

And with that poorly timed comment, Elijah had reached his limit and started screaming. He clung to her sweater and sobbed out no’s and sorry’s, and he was already reaching out for her when she picked him up. She tucked his face into her neck, thanked everyone who helped as she left the building with a strong stride. 

Mary Lee didn’t put Elijah down when she got to the car, she just sat in the driver’s seat and rocked him until he stopped crying, and even then, she sat there for longer. Her heart felt raw, scooped out like a carton of ice cream. Ruth wasn’t like this when she was Elijah’s age. Was she doing something wrong? Did boys need different rules than girls? 

Mary Lee leaned her head against the door and sighed. She never thought she’d be a mother, so there’s no surprise she wasn’t very good at it. She lucked out with the fact that Caleb wanted to help raise Ruth whenever they found out Mary Lee was pregnant freshman year. She and her daughter probably wouldn’t have survived without him, even if the whole dating thing didn’t work out. 

She had thought Markus would be just as accommodating. How pathetic was that?

As if explaining to a one night stand that a little something was going to lead to a little something more would blow over well. Markus took one look at Mary Lee, another at the positive pregnancy test, and told her he could help her kill it. 

Mary Lee was disowned after her family found out she was pregnant with Ruth at fifteen. She wasn’t a fan of someone wanting to get rid of anyone who might make the feeble thing she was trying to call a family just a bit bigger.

When she had told him no, Markus scoffed and said, “Well, it’s not like bitches like you ever want to lose their puppies, but I’ve seen your place, Mary. I don’t think the pound is big enough for all of you. If you're going to keep mine, you should at least ditch the girl. I’ll send, like, aid or something if it's just you and it.”

Mary Lee had felt like her brain was rebooting. This guy . . . he really thought she’d pick and choose. It felt like she’d blinked, and the next thing she had been aware of was a pain in her face as she crashed to the floor from Markus’ punch. She held her bleeding nose, felt it shift in her hand, unhinged like a door from the rest of her face. Markus at least had a cut over his eyebrow where Mary Lee gave him by apparently chucking a nearby vase.

Markus broke her nose, two fingers, and gave her a black eye that night. He was gone as soon as the beating was over, taking only a duffle bag from his apartment, and left Mary Lee on the floor.

Good riddance, she had thought, after she woke up, tears streaming down her face. We’re better off without him. I’ll never have to see his face ever again.

And then Elijah was born with his father’s face. 

They shared the same hair, the same complexion, and the same pencil thin eyebrows, and Mary Lee felt like she was being punished for something. The only bit of her she saw in Eli were his eyes. She, Ruth, and Eli had the same eyes. 

Mary Lee wasn’t scared for Markus, or of losing her job, or of never getting a college degree. She was scared that she didn’t treat Elijah the same way she did her other children simply because she wasn’t motherly enough to separate a child from his father. 

Mary Lee opened her eyes and looked out into the mall parking lot. The sky was heavy with rain clouds, and Elijah was breathing deeply, tear tracks on his chubby cheeks. Mary Lee tried to rub them away with her thumb.

“You’re not him,” she reminded herself, getting out to settle Elijah into his car seat. “And neither are you, Mary.”

And besides, she was married now. She had Chuck, and Chuck wouldn’t let her neglect one of their children. He’d help hold her accountable if she wasn’t doing her job; he set her straight if she wasn’t doing enough.

She hoped.

. . .

The second time Elijah went missing was when he was ten, and Mary Lee had not been with him.

It was the start of Ruth’s senior year of high school, and Elijah had begged her to drive him to the store for a new deck of cards before they closed. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. Mary Lee gave them the go ahead, gave Elijah ten bucks, and told them to be back by seven.

Mary called at 7:30 when they didn’t get back. It was almost perfunctory because maybe they got caught in traffic. Maybe they lost track of time. She wasn’t thinking much of it when Ruth picked up, so she just said, “Hey, girlie, know what time it is? You missed curfew.”

“Mom! Um, right! I’m uh . . . fixing a flat tire.”

Mary Lee had been wiping spaghetti sauce off Ester Mae’s cheeks, phone tucked between her ear and shoulder. Mary Lee quickly sent her two year old off to play with her toys and made her way into the kitchen where Chuck was doing the dishes. “Where are you right now?”

“Uh. I’m in the Target parking lot.”

“Okay, do you know how to change a flat? Do you need one of us to come get you?”

Chuck looked over with wide eyes, and Mary Lee just shrugged as she waited, already grabbing her keys. 

“NO! Um, no, I’m fine, I don’t need any. I’m just gonna take the - uh - the knife out and -”

“Knife?” Mary Lee repeated. “Someone knifed the tire? At Target?!”

“What’s going on?” Chuck asked, abandoning the sink altogether. He leaned in close, and Mary Lee turned the phone on speaker.

“NOT A KNIFE!” Ruth was saying. “I didn’t say knife! I said uh, umm . . .”

Another voice interrupted her to say, “You’re really bad at lying,”

“ELI!” Ruth’s voice screeched through the speaker, and Mary Lee and Chuck had to jerk away from the phone at the sheer volume of her rage. There was a scuffing sound, and when Mary Lee asked hello, no one answered her.

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Ruth’s voice was distant and muffled, but still easily understood.

“There’s this trail that leads down to the reservoir -”

“I don’t care, why the hell did you wander off? My ass would be grass if Mom thought I’d lost you!”

“If you don’t want to know then why did you ask?”

“Ruth?” Mary Lee called, almost grinding her teeth. “Ruth, answer the phone.”

She went ignored as her two oldest continued to fight.

“I don’t care if you see Santa Claus tugging around a body in his present bag, you are so not going to ditch me -”

“ If I saw Santa, period I’d follow him!”

“What the fuck, even if he’d visibaly killed someone?!”

“A serial killer Santa at least wouldn’t be boring like you are!”

“BORING? Eli, I’m fucking doing you a favor -”

“Kids!” Mary Lee screamed into the phone, and still they didn’t answer.

At her tone, Ester Mae started crying from somewhere in the living room, and JJ was quick to let her know with his own ear-piercing scream of “MOOOOM!”

Mary Lee pinched her nose and took a deep breath. Chuck laughed and kissed her hair, already making his way to the living room. “Do they still have a flat?”

“I don’t know.” Mary Lee sighed. “I don’t think so? I think she was just lying to cover for losing her little brother. Ruth, hello?!”

Still they continued to argue on the other end of the line.

Mary Lee gently knocked herself in the head with her phone and muttered, “I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids.”

Chuck laughed and went to deal with the younger ones in the living room. “I know you do.”

. . .

When Elijah entered high school, it was harder to keep track of his disappearances. Actually, the only way to keep track of his disappearances were when people came to her door looking for him.

Mary Lee remembered a petite red headed girl blushing on her doorstep and asking if Eli was home. Mary Lee had answered yes with confidence because, hey, she literally talked to her son ten minutes ago when he turned up his nose at a pizza night as she knew he would, the weirdo.

Except after she sat that girl down on the couch, got her water, and went to Elijah’s room, it was completely empty. Mary Lee walked to the bathroom, but no one was in there. She called him, but he didn’t pick up. 

Mary Lee walked into the living room to ask Chuck, who she could hear talking to their guest, where Elijah was when she heard a car start up in the driveway. Pulling back the curtain, Mary Lee’s jaw dropped as she watched Elijah peel out in his truck, leaving the neighborhood. 

Mary Lee tried to call him again, and it went to voicemail.

“Hey! This is Eli Vlass, and if you need me, find me, and if you can’t find me, you don’t need me!”

. . .

The second time this happened was also for a teenage girl, but she wasn’t blushing and bubbly. This girl was tall, wore the La Grange High School basketball sweats, and looked ready to punch someone in the face. 

“Does Eli Vlass live here?” she asked, bouncing on her toes.

“Um,” Mary Lee said. “Yes?”

“Can I talk to him?” She shifted forward, and added, “please?”

“Uh, sure,” Mary Lee said, for lack of a better response. She once again showed her guest inside, and luckily Elijah was slouched on the couch this time.

He was watching some black and white movie and didn’t even pay them a glance when they walked in. The girl sucked in a very controlled breath before slamming her purse down on one of the side tables. She then marched forward to stand between Elijah and the tv.

He was definitely surprised considering how hard he jerked into sitting up when he saw her. “Kelly! Uh, hi?”

Kelly had her hands on her hips and a glower on her face. “Yeah, hi, Eli. Got a moment?”

“Uh.” Elijah glanced at Mary Lee, who just gave a shrug and nodded his way. If he’s fucking around, then this is what happenes. He glared at her as if she was supposed to kick this girl out, and before he turned a plastic smile toward Kelly. “Right, sure. Uh, can I get you a drink or something? I can’t exactly skip out on my manners with my mom standing right here.”

Kelly blinked at his words and slouched a bit into herself. She looked down, eyes darted toward Mary Lee slightly before just turning her flushed face to the floor. Apparently she had forgotten there was an audience. “Right, thank you. Um, water’s fine.”

Elijah got up, shot another glare at Mary Lee, and went to the kitchen. Mary Lee was too curious to bring too much attention to herself - because what if they asked for privacy? Would it be bad of her to listen at the door? Elijah has never introduced a girl to her before, what if this is something big?

Then Mary Lee heard a car start up in the driveway. 

“No,” Mary Lee said out loud, making Kelly jump. “No way.”

“Ma’am?” Kelly asked, following her to the front.

She marched toward the windows and peaked out. She shagged in relief. “Oh, good. His truck’s still there.”

“But mine’s not!” Kelly screamed, tearing through the front door.

Mary Lee barely had time to react before the girl ran back inside and dove for her purse. She rummaged through it before screaming, “He stole my keys!” 

Mary Lee reached out to try and help with a, “Do you want me to call -”

But the girl was already gone out the front door, phone in hand, and running down the side of the road.

Mary Lee stood in the doorway for an awkward second before closing it. When Elijah got back two hours later in a different car, he had the nerve to be offended at his three month grounding.

. . .

The scariest one happened in the middle of the night after something burst through Mary Lee’s bedroom window. 

Chuck was away on a work trip, so it was just her, Elijah, JJ, and Ester Mae in the house, and she woke everyone up with her scream.

JJ was the first one in the room and was the first one to hold her as she explained what happened, pointing at the weird chunk of metal that sat in a pile of glass on her carpet. Elijah came in a minute later, Easter Mae’s tiny hand in his.

Mary Lee was ashamed to say that for a brief moment, when he was silhouetted by the hallway light, she thought he was Markus. It was enough of a horrific thought that it shook her right out of her panic. 

“Go to Mama,” Elijah told Ester Mae as he reached down to inspect whatever was thrown into their house.

“What is that?” JJ demanded, eyeing Elijah like he was going to attack someone with his new toy.

Any other time, Mary Lee would get onto him for snapping at his brother like that, but she was too distracted by her son picking up something that looked way smaller than she expected.  

But out of everything that had startled her that evening, Elijah suddenly laughing almost shocked her more than the broken glass.

“What?” JJ asked, defensive.

Elijah looked at him with a crooked smile, one patronizing and cold. “It’s a kingpin from a semi. Someone out there’s got a sense of humor.”

JJ got off the bed, leaving Mary Lee and Ester Mae sitting by themselves. The younger boy stomped forward, fists curled as Elijah stood up and quirked an eyebrow at him.

“So this is your fault?” JJ snarled.

“Obviously not,” Elijah drawled. “I was in my room, asleep.”

“You know what I mean,” JJ snapped. He pointed a finger in his brother’s face. “Fix this. Call Kevin, or - or Melanie, but fix this. I’m not gonna let you bring your shit home. I don’t care what you have to do, just fix it.”

A dark scowl swiftly passed over Elijah’s face, but it disappeared just as quickly. His smile was back on before Mary Lee could even ask. 

“Wasn’t you asking me to do whatever I have to the reason we don’t get along anymore?” Elijah asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Don’t start that crap. Not now. I don’t know if you noticed, Eli, but someone just broke the window in our house. In Mom and Dad’s room.” JJ pointed at her as if Elijah didn’t know she was there.

Mary Lee felt a different type of fear when she watched Elijah’s lip curl, and even though he didn’t say it, Mary Lee heard the “ Your Dad,” loud and clear. JJ was still talking and didn’t notice.

“The place where Mom and Dad sleep. It could easily have been a - a molotov cocktail or something, so you’re going to nip this in the bud. Right now. Tonight. You already know who it was right?”

What? Mary Lee looked between her boys, trying desperately to understand what they were talking about, but her daughter was shaking by her side, and her own heart was trying to beat out of her ribcage. 

Elijah sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Yeah, I have a pretty good guess. Okay, I’ll take care of it tonight. It would have been settled completely by Monday morning, but since we are among the faithless, I’ll hop to it personally.”

Elijah turned around and started toward his room, and Mary Lee said, “Wait,” but he didn’t stop.

“Elijah, wait,” she repeated, getting off the bed. “JJ, stay with your sister.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom,” JJ said, a bitter tone that she noticed was starting to become just a part of how he talked entering his voice. “He’ll take care of it. No need to even bother.”

Mary Lee struggled to find something to say and just repeated,” Stay with your sister.”

When she went to Elijah’s room, he was already dressed and ready to go, car keys in hand.

“We need to call the police,” Mary Lee said.

“No, we don't,” Elijah told her, shaking his head. “They won’t be able to track who did it.”

“Is someone bullying you at school?” Mary Lee asked, hounding him as he walked toward the front door. 

Her question made him trip, and he turned around with an incredulous expression. “What? No!”

“JJ said that -”

“He didn’t mean that when he said this was my fault,” Elijah cut her off. “And you’re always talking about being accountable for your actions, right? I figured you’d be proud of me.”

“Don’t you start that,” Mary Lee snapped. “Don’t run your mouth right now.”

Elijah opened his mouth again, but Mary Lee just raised her hand in a stop, shaking her head. Elijah looked like he was going back and forth on whether or not to put a fight before sighing and going back toward the front door.

She watched him, feeling a growing numbness inside.

“Where are you going?” she asked as he turned the doorknob. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth.

“I need to talk to some of my friends, see if they’ve been hit too, or if this is an isolated incident. Then I can talk to who did it.”

That was more than she thought he’d share. “Why did someone attack us?”

Elijah was about to walk out the door when he doubled back and stole Chuck’s phone charger from the living room outlet. He rolled it up and stuffed it in his hoodie. “JJ already told you.”

Mary Lee chewed on her bottom lip. “If it’s your fault, then what did you do?”

Elijah was almost about to leave, but he paused at the door at her words. She could see him try to figure out what to say, not so much as lie, but whether to say things plainly or not. Mary Lee wasn’t sure when he started doing that, or when she noticed the process. Lately, it felt like she’d blink and see her Bambi eye’d baby, claiming to be a wish, and the next she would see Markus hovering over her with a raised, bloody fist.

“I won a game, and this girl’s a sore loser,” Elijah finally settled on.

Mary Lee wanted to reach out and hold him. She wanted to shove him out the door and tell him to never come back. She wanted to take him to the movies, and she wanted him to stay home where she always knew where he was. 

She wanted to be a good mom.

She wanted this night to be over.

She said, “Come home before sunrise.”

Elijah smiled wide and said, “I promise.”

When he drove away in his car, Mary Lee wondered when he got that tongue piercing. 

. . .

Eli lied.

He didn’t get back until noon the next day.

. . .

Mary Lee didn’t lose Eli anymore because she barely knew where he was on any given day. Getting him that job at Ben’s Diner after his high school graduation helped a little because now there was a schedule, but she didn’t know how long that would hold him here.

Eli would probably head into the city soon. He already did once, when he was a junior. Missed four periods, and after the school called her, Mary Lee got a text from Eli saying he was in Atlanta.

She wished she could track when things like that stopped surprising her. 

She wished she could pinpoint when she stopped being able to recognize him and not because he dyed part of his hair orange and wore a fucking bell as a bracelet now. 

She wished she knew when seeing her son cry became a novelty. She wished she knew when he would come home after work. She wished she knew where he got so much money from. She wished she knew why JJ never wants to talk to him anymore. She wished she knew why Ruth doesn’t seem surprised in the slightest.

She wished she wasn’t reminded of Markus the older Eli got.

And she wished she was a good enough mom that she could just ask Eli what changed.

She wished she wasn’t too scared to rock the boat and bring attention to something ugly underneath her family’s surface.

She wished she didn’t find Eli ugly at all.

And she wondered if this was her fault. If she didn’t read the right parenting books, or if her parents were right about her being a curse on any family she was a part of, or if Markus knew something she didn’t about the child they made.

Mostly, Mary Lee wondered if Eli got lost one day and just never properly came back home.

Chapter Text

His mom hated it when he had to work Sundays, especially on holidays, but Eli didn’t make his schedule and didn’t care enough to fight his boss to change it. It’s not like the first time his family went to church without him.

Though , Eli thought as one customer started complaining to him about not having a free table during the dinner rush, listening to a priest sing his little songs might be more fun right now. 

“Ma’am, your table will be ready in twenty minutes. Please wait over there, and you’ll receive a text when I’m able to seat you.” Eli then turned his back to her, fiddling with something he didn’t need from the shelves under the host table while she sputtered. He only popped back up when her footsteps echoed back towards the front door. 

The last dredges of light were dying in the sunset, and the gravel parking lot was full of cars. The forest around the diner left black cracks against the orange sky. 

What an ugly color. 

Eli sighed through his nose and leaned on the counter. Since graduation, he’d been struggling to find entertainment. Most of his peers went to college, but he, Melanie, Kevin were still keeping the ring strong. Some regulars like Richie are still hanging around, but the younger generation is just … not cutting it. 

Eli was fucking bored. 

He absent-mindedly ripped open a sugar pack and made a small trail of it on the counter, pushing the Splenda in different directions. 

“Table for one please.”

Eli looked up at the older woman now on the other side of the counter. Her clothes were nice, if a bit old fashioned. A purse was clutched tight to her side, and the pockets of her cardigan were bulging. 

“Yes, ma’am. There’s a free spot right over there.” He pointed towards the back of the diner. “Please help yourself.”

She looked him up and down with beady blue eyes. A smirk bloomed slightly on his face as Eli could actively track her gaze. Starting on his longer hair, taking a pitstop on his tongue piercing, and finally coming home on his black nail polish. 

He made a show of dragging a painted nail through his sugar mess again. 

“Young man, do you know what day it is?” she asked. 

Oh? Alright. 

“Sunday?” Eli said. 

Her lips pursed. “Palm Sunday. It is the day Christ entered Jerusalem in triumph.”

“Only to be murdered in a few days by the very people who welcomed him.” Eli smiled. “Hospitality can be so finicky.”

It threw her slightly, he could tell, but a pleased smile replaced her shock anyway. “I see you know your scripture. It’s a shame you’re not at church to polish it.”

“I have to pay my bills,” Eli lied. 

“Well, it’s a poor substitute, but —“ she reached into her overstuffed pockets and gently laid out twelve palm leaf crosses on the table, carefully avoiding the Splenda. “Something blessed to take with you. Maybe it will do you some good.”

Eli didn’t say anything as she took her leave for the free table. He picked up one of the leaf crosses, looking at the folds that make it keep its shape. He couldn’t remember when he learned how to make these, but he does remember asking his mother if it hurt the leaf to peel it, break it, and bend it into position. 

Judging from her horrified expression, the thought had never occurred to her. And people accuse Eli of not having a sense of empathy. 

He shoved all but one into his pocket and just fiddled around with the remaining, sugar coated cross. 

He eventually got bored of just holding and looking at it, so Eli then unfastened all the creases, unfolding it back into the long strip of green. It looked gnarled and crooked, broken and split in places. 

The price for perfection maybe. Or what it takes to be contorted into an ancient Roman torture device. 

After  Eli cleaned and closed up for the night, he tossed the one mangled leaf in the trash. 

…

He didn’t go home right away but instead took a walk through the woods behind the diner. He entertained himself by kicking a rock a little farther down the path, walking to reunite, and kicking it again. Eli could see Polaris hanging like a noose in the sky, and he stared at it long enough that it left a little bruise of light in his vision when he closed his eyes. 

He didn’t know what kind of trees this forest had, but they were tall, and sturdy, and when you leaned against them and slump down into the dirt, the bark didn’t tug too badly on your clothes.

Eli pulled out his phone from where he was sitting and checked his notifications. 

No new texts.

He checked the locations on his family's phones, and he saw them all congregated at the house. Ruth was just a little far north, cozy in her own home with her husband. 

Eli smirked a bit, chuckling as he put his phone away. He closed his eyes and leaned against the tree, tilting his face toward the sky. He could probably fall asleep out here if it weren’t for hearing a voice that sounded like the snapping of a spine. 

“Lonesome?” 

. . .

“For the love of Heaven,” he said,

“Mercy have, and lend me aid;

Way-worn traveler am I,

Leave me here, and I shall die.”

. . .

Eli bolted upright, head craning farther back to follow the voice. 

A silhouette sat shaded in the far branches of the tree, light reflecting off luminous gold eyes. 

His hands felt numb, and his throat started to close up as if he was having an allergic reaction. When the thing moved, the eyes were a good foot and a half away from what appeared to be the head, cocking to the side as it inspected Eli. The eyes left blazing trails of light as they seemed to slip back into the outline of the thing's skull. 

“Very lonesome.” Its voice splintered through the silence, all sounds of the forest killed in its presence. “Then maybe I should keep you company.”

Eli couldn’t move. His blood burned his veins, charring him from the inside out with each pulse. His face hurt. 

The creature’s eyes moved again, swooping down to what might be its stomach, squinting. “Why is your face doing that?”

Eli was startled by his own hand touching his face, grazing over his stretched lips and exposed teeth. 

“Smiling,” it said, dragging the word out like a blood stain trailing on the ground. 

“What —“ Eli’s voice broke in three places on just one word. “What are you?”

The voice was horrible; the laugh was agony. 

It shouldn’t be possible that a sound hurt . That it crawled through your ear canal and tenderly cleaned its blood stained teeth against your skull. It shouldn’t rip apart flesh, and it shouldn’t make you smile. 

Eli’s cheeks ached. 

“I am old,” the shadow started to descend from the tree.

 “I am hungry.” 

Eli could see the pupils of its golden eyes, pulsing. 

“And you,” it cooed. “You are here.”

“You’re,” Eli choked on some bile, his hands shook as he curled them into his pocket. “You’re going to eat me?” 

“Yesss,” it hissed, ephemerial face right above Eli’s tilted head, their eyes meeting. “And you … will not … satisfy.”

The shadow burst into a form of bright light, vaguely humanoid around the edges, its mouth opening and opening, and Eli could smell the decay on its breath. 

Eli didn’t turn away or close his eyes. The acid of its exhale made his eyes water and skin break out in hives, but he still watched. Watched the solidifying esophagus and the widest maw descend from on high. 

Barely visible behind the blurred edges of Eli’s monster, Polaris hung in the sky. 

Hung. 

It stopped. 

It made an animalistic sound of confusion and somehow opened its mouth wider. It didn’t come closer, and Eli’s face had never hurt so much. 

“You’re here,” Eli repeated, shifting away. “You’re old, you’re hungry.”

With every word, Eli slid farther away from the tree, not taking his eyes off the churning mass of shadow that was struggling to come closer. 

“And you’re stuck,” Eli breathed out, staring at the r palm crosses sticking straight up like a fairy ring around the tree. 

The inhuman sound the thing released was ungodly. It writhed in a spiral around the tree, shoving its vaporous body into every edge of the barrier, and it remained trapped. 

Eli’s knees gave out under him, and he dug his fingers into the dirt as he cackled. He threw his head back and screamed his delight to the stars that didn’t care. 

“That worked?!” He wiped tears from his eyes, smearing soil across his cheeks. “I can’t believe that worked! And you —“

Eli jumped up and staggered as close as he dared to the tree. The luminous eyes drifted back to face him. 

“You’re — you’re a real thing. I’m watching you, I can see you.” Eli’s chest was heaving. 

“You will free me,” the voice commanded.

Eli shook his head. “No. Nope, I won’t. You’re, holy shit — do you know how long I’ve waited for something like this?”

“You have the illusion of understanding.”

“Understand you? No, absolutely not, but I will. You can count on that.” Eli laughed again. His face hurt so bad. “No, if anything, you misunderstood me. If you thought that coming across the impossible, that I would see a — a sentient storm cloud and feel fear.”

“You are afraid,” the thing commented, voice slithering through the air. It was still furious, but there was a question in its tone now. “Not of me, but you are afraid.”

Whether or not that was true wasn’t worth debating. “You can feel my emotions?”

The shadow curled tightly together and shot towards the canopy, and Eli’s heart stuttered at the thought of it leaving, but it just settled farther into the branches. 

“I’ve decided,” the thing said. “I’m going to be the death of you, human.” It scoffed. “Human, a mundane one at that …”

“A mundane one what?”

“How long do you plan to do this? What deal do you want in exchange?” The things shifted, and that was all Eli needed to confirm his theory. 

“Demon,” he breathed. 

“Yes. Abraxas by way of a name your pathetic kind can understand.” Its voice dropped into a purr. “I can be generous when pushed, and you have certainly pushed me. So let’s talk , Elijah.”

“Abraxas,” he repeated. The name burned his throat. 

“Now, you and I have something in common. We’re both hungry . I can see your life in your eyes, I can see your family. A surplus of it in some aspects, and a withering lack in others.

“How old were you when you realized that JJ and Ester’s father was not the one who sired you?”

Eli’s smile slipped a little. 

“Five? No, no, you’re not that smart. You were older because the sting of it left a mark, like a rubber band pulled too far that snapped right into you, left bruises all over. You were eight years old when you found out that you only partially belonged to your family.”

Eli opened his mouth to say something, but Abraxas kept going. 

“And even though you and your older sister were in the same boat, you didn’t share her father either. You didn’t share in the fact that hers actually cared enough to stick around. And now Ruth has her own family, her own husband, her own baby, and her own in-laws that love her. What is so wrong with you, Elijah, that you aren’t allowed there? Do you know? I do.”

Eli chewed on his tongue. 

The bright yellow eyes crinkled as if in amusement. “It’s because when given the chance, people see you for what you are, don’t they. And if they don’t know who you are, they can’t love you in the first place, so you pretend and pretend until you trip up or reveal yourself and even the look of horrified realization isn’t enough to satisfy you nowadays.”

“What’s your point?” Eli asked. 

“I can change you.”

There was silence in the forest. No animal stirred in the presence of a bigger predator. 

“Change,” Eli said, “me?”

“What if I told you there was a way to make you worth loving? If you follow my advice, while you’ve got me here, I could make you into a normal person. Like your mother, your stepfather, your siblings. You could finally feel satisfied with the food on the table. Just listen to me —“

Eli’s phone rang.

He swallowed, his eyes burning just a bit, and said, “Excuse me. I don’t mean to interrupt, but I need to take this, it’s my brother.”

He heard Abraxas start to say “What —“, but he had already turned away and answered. His voice only shook slightly when Eli said, “Hello, hello, hello?”

JJ was silent on the other end. 

Eli swallowed again. “Jay, you there?”

“Uh, yeah I’m here,” JJ answered, soundly kind of bewildered. “Just … you okay?”

“Should I not be? You got something lying in wait or something? I thought you gave up trying to sabotage people.”

It worked like a charm; Eli heard JJ growl through the phone. 

“Asshole! You just sounded — whatever, Mom and Dad want to know why you aren’t home.”

“What?”

“Your shift ended, like, an hour ago, and Dad said we couldn’t go out to eat after church without you, so we went to the store, and Mom’s gonna cook something,” JJ said. “We can’t eat without you, so can you get your nasty ass home, so I don’t starve?”

Eli didn’t respond for a moment, and JJ suddenly started talking to someone next to him. Eli heard, “ — talk to him,” before he was on the phone with his mother. 

“Hey, ‘lijah,” Mary Lee said, sounding breathless. “You on your way home?”

Eli thought about his answer for a moment, the silence stretching a little which resulted in her repeating the question. 

Eli blinked and shook his head; when those two spoke, their voices didn’t physically hurt. He had forgotten that sound didn’t usually feel like it cut you … 

“Uh yeah,” Eli lied. “Sorry, it’s been a … a rough day.”

His mother hummed, commiserating. “Church crowd a little tough?”

He laughed and didn’t even have to work hard to make it watery. “Yup. Incredibly crowded, too little patience. Real Christian dispositions. I’ve been sitting in my car since I got off just … breathing, I guess.”

“Well, come on home, take a shower, and change out of your work clothes,” Mary Lee advised. “That always made me feel better. We’re having spaghetti for dinner, and the garlic bread is already in the oven. You pick the movie tonight.”

“Oh?” Eli laughed, leaning against the tree next to him. “Are you sure you wanna give me that power?”

“Ester will be watching it too.”

“So keep it at least PG-13. Clever parameters, Mom.”

“Why, thank you.” She giggled, and then her voice grew soft. “Come home, okay?”

Eli glanced over his shoulder. Abraxas’ eyes were somehow bigger, brighter, and eclipsing his mostly shadowy form. 

“Yeah,” Eli said. “On my way now.”

He hung up.

“All that,” the demon commented, perfunctory. “And most of you still wants to stay and spend the evening with me.”

“I don’t see why you had to make that sound romantic,” Eli responded, gently kicking a nearby stone. He felt more sure footed now, his mind slightly more clear. This presence was oppressive, but Eli just realized it didn’t have to be all consuming.

He pushed himself away from the tree he was leaning against and came closer. “I didn’t want to ditch you before answering. I won’t lie, it’s a good pitch. And I’m not gonna front, you got me in one when it comes to my … appetite, but you made a few blunders along the way. Can I offer some advice?”

Abraxas swelled with indignation. “You dare —“

“Okay, so I can see how seeing into someone’s mind, or soul, or whatever you were doing right then can become a crutch when it comes to manipulating someone. You don’t do the usual legwork that the rest of us have to. So I’m gonna give you some insight.” Eli pushed his hair out of his face. “It’s Sunday evening, I have the option of going home to my family who is obviously wondering where I am and what I’m doing. Or I could go to a friend's house and gamble away in the den I created. And yet, I didn’t. What reason could that be?”

Abraxas just fumed. 

“The answer is I didn’t want to. I keep this diner job so my family doesn’t question where I get my money, so that's just another thing I’m not invested in, so what do I care about? This is important to you, remember.”

The demon still said nothing, but the tree it was half fading in and out of actively started to rot and twist. 

“I just come out and say it,” Eli said. “Why on earth would I want to be a normal person?”

He took a step closer. 

“I’ve been normal enough all my aggressively normal life.”

Closer. 

“You’re right about me. I’m bored with almost every aspect of this world that I’ve seen. Color me unimpressed. I look at it and find it lacking, and that’s why I drag my corpse to work, to gatherings, to my family.”

Eli got right before the monster, an inch away from one, trembling, palm cross. 

“So what better bargain could you offer than what I already have?” Eli asked, eyes wide. “Something unworldly. Something supernatural, right here where I can find it?”

Abraxas growled, a sharp sound that made Eli’s ears start to ring. 

“You're what I want,” Eli said slowly. “And why should I make a deal when you have nothing to offer.”

“And if I decide to give you nothing?” Abraxas asked. “If your ‘everything’ turns out to be an empty promise?”

“I know you can outlast me,” Eli said. “I’m probably going to die before your patience runs out. But if I die, who’s going to find you? How will you get out of a know-nothing like me with a couple of leaves in his pocket could trap you? And if you don’t talk to me and I just keep coming back with more crosses, holy water, and my mom’s blessed silver earrings? What then? What if the ground where that tree takes root becomes sacred?”

There was a standoff, Abraxas huffed, and his shadow shifted into the tree, disappearing into the grooves of the wood. Eli watched for a second before he backed away slowly. 

He wasn’t that far when he heard that same cutting voice. 

“Elijah Vlass, you die for this.”

Eli felt something on the side of his face, and he rubbed at it, finally becoming aware of the blood trickling out of his ear. 

He smiled; his face felt bruised from how much he’d been doing that today. “Promises, promises.”

…

He cried a little when he got to his car, chest heaving, and air finally entering in lungs to fill capacity. 

He hadn’t really noticed how toxic the air felt in the woods, naturally heavy. It felt like Eli hadn’t taken a deep breath in hours. 

When he settled into the privacy of his truck, Eli finally started properly laughing. He laughed the entire drive to the house, tears streaming down his cheeks, and face pulled taunt, spasming. 

Finally. 

Fucking finally. 

Chapter Text

He didn't lie about his age because Eli knew telling the host he was only fourteen wouldn't stop anyone from letting him in the party or placing a red solo cup in his hand. 

Chris Beaumont was a senior basketball star, and he owed Eli two hundred and eighty-five dollars.  And four cents, but pointing that out made Eli feel more petty than he was willing to portray right now.

There was a balance to these things, a dance. He was trying to show restraint. He couldn't really remember why he decided to do that, but he was always up for trying new things. His dance card was his plan, and it went as follows:

• Befriend an upperclassmen
• If that doesn't work, blackmail an upperclassmen
• Get invited to a social event outside school sanctioning
• Hopefully befriend other people 
• If that doesn't work, get blackmail material on other people

Simple. To the point. A wish list, at the end of the day. Eli looked down into his cup, stirred the yellowish liquid around, and took a tentative sip. It tasted like the dehydrated piss that was stored in the gas tank of an eighteen wheeler. 

“Vlass!” Someone said, a hand clamping down on his shoulder, jostling his whole person and splashing whatever was in his cup down the front of his shirt. 

Chris’ smile was nasty when Eli looked up at him. “Sorry about that, little man. Caught you off guard.”

Eli’s teeth ground, and the rabbit heart in his chest kicked it up a notch. He smoothed out his face as best he could and shoved his smile up farther on the right side. “No harm, no foul. No shirt at this point, though.”

Chris also seemed to have good facial control because he didn't let on the annoyance he must be feeling. “Hold on, I can fix that– Kendall! Kendall, come here!”

Weaving through the crowd– this place was so crowded it made Eli feel like he was part of a meat packing plant– came an older girl, easily the oldest one here. Her hair was half up/half down, dyed blonde at some point and needed attention if she wanted to claim the description. She wasn't wearing makeup except for some dark pink lipstick, and her shirt was so long, it looked like she wasn't wearing the Nike shorts Eli could get glimpses of if he looked. 

If he looked.

His mom always said no one in their right mind should let their daughters out of the house like that, but she wasn’t here, and Eli helped himself to looking at Kendall’s thighs, regardless of how red his ears were. 

“This is my older sister,” Chris said, and Eli shot him a look, trying to figure out what he was playing at. Why would he be doing this– what even is this? “She's home from college for the weekend. Kendall, can you go and get Eli a new shirt?”

Kendall had a tumbler in her hand with Dolly Parton's face on it, and her nails were Morticia Adams red. She took a sip from it and quirked a smile. “I'm babysitting? I thought I was just the one buying the booze?”

“No babysitting,” Eli reassured, not too fast and not too slow. “But apparently a diaper change.”

Kendall laughed, and Chris scowled. Win, win. 

Maybe. That had been a little too self-deprecating for his tastes. Eli took a smooth sip of his beer, making sure his face didn’t show his disgust.

“Oh, so the little man is funny, huh? Well at least that explains why you invited a freshman.” 

Chris flushed and opened his mouth to cover his ass–

“Eighth grade,” Eli clarified, a nail in someone else's coffin. “Just waiting until next year.”

Kendall raised both her eyebrows, made a show of looking at her sputtering sister, and huffed a laugh. “Wow, o-kay. Come on, kid. Let's clean you up.”

“Thanks,” Eli said, not looking at Chris as he followed behind Kendall’s wake. 

He got the looks he expected. There are very few people here who knew him which means Eli’s on little brother time. He came here with someone–he belongs to somebody–who was apparently lame enough to bring a kid to a beer blast. No one here knew him yet, but Eli already had a decent headcount of familiar faces.

The guy throwing up in the sink was Mike Streeter, and he's two years older than Eli. Richie Harris had his hand up someone’s skirt, a letterman on his back. Tonya Lemitch was playing bartender in the kitchen, under a “Bless this Mess” sign. Eli felt his face twitch a little bit, an angry, snakehead of indignation burning in his chest, and he swallowed it down just as quickly as it rose. 

I just need a chance, Eli thought, taking a stronger swig of the beer-piss. I just need a single slip up, and I'll be set. 

Until you get bored again, a voice that sounded exactly like him whispered in the back of his mind. Want was a powerful thing, and it ruled Eli with an absolute authority. It dictated the line he walked everyday, but the yawning and inevitable fall would lead him right back to where he started: being bored to the point of apathy.

Apathy was the killer here. Eli refused to roll over and die. He took another drink.

Kendall led him through the kitchen, through the living room (there was a movie playing on tv that made everyone on the couch jump at a shrill music cur and a fake scream, and Eli made a note to figure out what they were watching), and up the stairs where it was quieter. 

Kendall sauntered to a closed door that, when she opened it, revealed a slide lock on the inside. 

“That's neat,” Eli nodded, not even lying. He walked in, and Kendall closed the door behind him. The hum of music and voices were instantly muffled.

“Thanks.” Her tone was placating at best as she went to the closet and started digging. “Strip.”

A bolt of anxiety took a roller coaster tumble down the track that was Eli’s spine, and he tensed in a way that made his soaked shirt stick to his front. 

“It's not gonna help the smell, but unless you wanna take a shower there's not much to be done about that.” Kendall told the inside of the closet. Eli saw her arm move before something soft hit him in the face, almost spilling his drink.

Face hot and juggling the things in his hands, Eli held a gray LaGrange high school hoodie, class 2015, in front of him with eyebrows raised. “You're letting me borrow this?”

“Why not?” She came back out with two tops, one yellow and one red. “Which one?”

Eli had no idea why she was asking but decided to stop playing catch up and said, “Neither.”

Kendall blinked. “Neither?”

“I don't like either of them. If you want an opinion, can I actually see the options?”

She was too surprised to stop him from sliding past her into her closet, and Eli immediately went to work being nosy. He fingered through her clothes, organized by color, and specifically took note of her graphic tees. A pop band he recognized the name of but didn't know any songs, a Jurassic Park shirt he saw on sale at Target, a souvenir from a live performance of Wicked, but only two other high school shirts. 

Eli’s fingers lingered on a drill team shirt from 2011.

“Well?” Kendall asked. 

Eli hummed. He pointed to the yellow blouse she had in her right hand. “That one.”

“Not impressed with my wardrobe?” She laughed and shook her head, turning back to free up the exit to the closet; Eli followed her back to her room, watching her toss the red shirt on her bed. 

“Well, I know it's not all of it.”

“True,” Kendall said. “A majority of my clothes are on campus in my dorm.”

Got it, Eli thought. “I did notice you had some old drill team shirts in there. How long were you a Grangerette?”

“All four years, loud and proud,” Kendall told him, and then she took off her shirt. 

All of Eli’s machinations exited his head like rats hauling ass out of a sinking ship. He could hear his mother already yelling at him as he did a quick pivot to turn around to give Kendal some privacy, high fingers tightening in the sweatshirt in his hands. 

Behind him, Kendal hummed. “I’ve changed my mind. Can you hand me the red one?”

Eli blinked. She’s fucking with me , he realized. She’s playing chicken with the new kid.

The word kid echoed in his empty skull as he did what she asked and took a timid step forward, picked up her blouse, and held it out to her still facing the other way. 

  Is this a game I want to win? He wondered, feeling weirdly carved out.

The shirt disappeared from his hand. 

“You're sweet,” he heard her say. “I didn't expect that.”

Sweet. 

His throat was tight. “What did you expect?” 

“From how Chris spoke, you would think that little Eli Vlass was the devil himself.”

That peeved Eli enough to turn and face her. Thankfully Kendall was no longer playing offense and had covered her fucking tits. Her bra was gone though, and Eli’s jaw tightened as he kept his eyes up, his stomach writhing into knots just as tight as the clenched fists at his side. Game on, girls. Game on.

“So you knew who I was already.” It wasn't a question. 

Kendall shrugged. “Chris told me some stuff.”

“I'm the one who has to put up with jokes about babysitting, and yet he's the one who tattled to a grown up as soon as he stopped winning.” Eli smiled, and it came a little slow. “Interesting. But I guess wanting to hold onto the good old days and being dissatisfied with what you have runs in the family.”

Kendall had been waving a dismissive hand at him at the beginning of the sentence, but it was the end that brought her up short. She narrowed her eyes at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re nostalgic. There’s nothing wrong with that,” Eli said, letting his voice drawl a little bit. “Does make me wonder about how you handle your future though. Grades going okay?”

Kendal was winding up tighter, irritation lining her frame. “What–”

“Or is it something a little or insidious?” Eli mused, setting his beer down on her nightstand, right underneath a mermaid lamp. “How’s your social life? Do you have friends?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your fucking business, kid,” Kendall snarled. “But since you brought it up, how about you? Middle school so lonely you have to hunt for basic human connection at a lame high school party you had to manipulate yourself into getting invited because no one actually wants you here?”

“I can’t help but notice,” Eli said, running a little hot, “that you’re at the same lame party, twenty-one year old college student. Which is more embarrassing? Me, a kid jumping the gun to play with the big kids–” Eli used his free hand to make air quotes, “or a grown up who is reckoning with the fact that she peaked in high school?”

“Shut your fucking mouth.” Apparently when Kendall got pissed off, she got quieter. Eli had to take a step forward to properly hear her, but it seems that Kendall nurtured at least a partial part of her maturity. She took a deep breath and forcefully sat down on her bed. “Go fucking get changed. If this is how we’re gonna have to have this conversation, you might as well not look like a drowned rat.”

Eli didn’t feel like a drowned rat, but he took the out anyway. He went into her closet and closed the door, stipping as quickly as possible and warring with the anxiety and excitement churring in his gut. His face hurt a little bit, and Eli physically wiped the smile off his face, giggling as quietly as he could and trying to not feel like a psychopath. 

It’s fun, though, he admitted. That’s the kicker, isn’t it?

He didn’t know what to do with his wet shirt, so Eli just held it in his hands as he came back into Kendall's room. She hadn’t moved and barely looked at him when he got back, but she said, “Grab your drink and sit here.”

Eli did as he was told and sat next to her, tucking a leg underneath him to give off an air of calm. He couldn’t stop his other leg from bouncing though, adrenaline pumping through his veins. 

Kendall had her tumbler back in her hands, and she tilted her head back as she took a swing. Her barely blonde hair fell down her back. Eli didn’t say anything until she smacked her lips and spoke first. “Alright, let’s just get down to it. Give us the recording, and you don’t have to deal with the drama of not doing it, okay?”

So that’s what big sis was supposed to do. Eli took a drink and instantly started coughing. He leaned forward as he hacked and felt Kendall thump his back when it didn’t end quickly enough. He huffed for air and finally got some a few seconds later. Kendall’s hand was still on his back, and she was laughing. “Wow, you really can’t handle your liquor, can you?”

“This isn’t liquor,” Eli told her, voice a little rough. “This is beer.”

Kendall rolled her eyes. “It’s a figure of speech, kid.”

“Ah, love those. Figures of speech.” Eli sat up again and looked right in her eyes. “I’ve got one too: don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”

Kendall removed her hand and gave him a hard look.

“But in the name of keeping things civil and clear, I’ll be a little more blunt. How’s that?” Eli said. “Lean in close, it’s story time. Once upon a time, Chris lost a game of poker. He lost it to me. He owes me $85. He said he wouldn’t pay it. I told him, either pay it or you’ll have to pay me off instead. He didn’t get it. He’s a jock.” Eli waved his hand. “Anyway, when I tried to explain what was going to happen to him, he wrote me off. And now, with a little more than just cash on the line, he still refuses to pay the $85 and the additional hush money of $200. If he pays up, I hand over the recording of your dad railing his sister-in-law into a Motel 6 mattress on July 4th.”

Kendall’s face went red and then white in quick succession. Eli keeps talking.

“So to catch you up since it appears you’ve been roped into Chris’ unique sense of problem solving, your brother does what I say in order to keep the recording from going straight to YouTube, and the only way to get out of it is to actually own up to his losses. Easy fix, yeah?” Eli took another sip of his drink to try and top off his speech, and it burned like fire down his throat, making his eyesight go a little fuzzy. He stifled another cough and continued. “But I’ll let you know, as a little secret between the two of us, I don’t really care how he gets the money. If he steals from your parents, if he gets a job and pays in installments, if you hand it to him right in front of me, I’ll still take it. I do not care. The only thing I want,” Eli said, leaning forward, “is for Chris Beaumont to hand me the money with his own two hands.”

Eli’s smile felt a little loose on his face, and he listed a bit to the side as he waited for Kendall to respond. His heart was pounding, and he felt like he was opening his eyes too wide, but he couldn't seem to keep it together. 

This was the part that mattered. This moment, right now. 

What are you going to do? Eli thought, his lungs full from holding down his manic laughter. 

What are you going to do? Eli begged, heart already shattering. 

“You sound like you have everything all settled,” Kendall said, voice a little thin. Maybe. Eli couldn’t be sure, and that realization startled him. “Do you think she and I are stupid?”

“No,” Eli said, kind of in awe as he raised his hand to his face. The edges of his fingers seemed to blur. He laughed, wiggling them. “No, I actually think you’re pretty capable.”

“You’re in over your head,” Kendall told him, but her voice was kind of far. “And you’re stupid. Don’t leave your drink unattended at a party. Never know what someone could put in it.”

Eli laughed again, harder, and ran his hands up his arms, catching on Kendall’s gray hoodie. “Was this your plan then? Did you come down, have breakfast, and talk about roofying a fourteen year old with your brother over coffee?”

“I think you bring up your age more than I do.”

“I know what I am,” Eli told her, the colors in her room starting to spin. “I’ve always known exactly what I am.”

A hand reaches out to take his, and Eli is pulled to his feet. Kendall is talking but it’s hard to hear. Eli only catches: “-- babysit you. Nothing bad is going to happen, but you will tell me where the recording is.”

“Will I?” Eli asked, mouth full of giggles. “Hey, is it a comfort to know that your name was never brought up during pseudo-incest, firework, date night, or does it feel worse to know that you weren’t even on his mind when your dad ruined your family?”

“Shut the fuck up,” she snarled.

“Oh, say can you see!” Eli screamed as Kendall pulled him back into the party.

. . .

The night left skid marks over Eli’s memory. His awareness was shot, his coordination was worse, and the only thing he could seem to focus on was the idea of being recorded.

Black mail for black mail would be nice. It would satisfy him just fine, but it wouldn’t be as dramatic. Eli wanted something dramatic. He wanted, and wanted, and wanted. He drifted through the party on either Kendall’s arm or by Chris’ side and made a constant effort to come up with a new lie each and every time they asked him.

“Where is it?” Kendall asked, sitting him on the couch while the tv showed a topless girl get cut in half.

“Buried in the backyard with your childhood dog.”

“Where is it,” Chris asked, forcing Eli to down another drink.

“In your dad’s condom. Wait, do you think he used condoms?”

“Where is it,” Kendall growled, making a show of pouring a powder into the one glass of water Eli would get for the entire night.

“I don’t know. Where’s your mom’s wedding ring?”

“Where the fuck is it, Eli?” Chris had screamed before his knuckles hit Eli’s cheek with a dull crack.

“With your self respect– oh, wait,” Eli said, spitting blood.

“It’s on your phone, isn’t it?” Kendall asked. “Where is it?”

“I’m a little too young for a phone, don’t you think?” Eli laughed.

Chris was pushing his way through Eli’s pockets. “He doesn’t have anything. I’ve never . . . I don’t actually know if he’s lying right now.”

“Why would I lie?” Eli cocked his head to the side. “I’m not your dad?”

Colors, lights, music, questions.

Another drink in his hands.

. . .

“How did you even get it?” Kendall asked, scowling. “How did you know what was–”

She didn’t sound like she was going to finish, so Eli just told her. “I picked a parent and followed them for a month.”

The washing machine sang and hummed underneath him. Eli kicked his legs. Kendall was looking at him, hand empty. She was washing his clothes. That’s why they were in here; he had forgotten.

“You just . . . decided that was how you were going to get even?” Kendall scoffed. 

“Uh huh,” Eli gave an exaggerated nod, and the entire room swayed like bleeding water colors. It hurt, so he did it again. “Just like you and Christ just decided to do this to me.”

“You drove us to this,” Kendall argued.

“Okay,” Eli said.

. . .

“How did you end up like this?” Chris asked, kneeling by his side while Eli threw up in Kendall’s bathroom. “You’re a kid. What could have possibly happened to you to make you so evil?”

Eli heaved a bit into the bowl before pulling back to rest his head against his shoulder. “You think I’m evil?”

“I shouldn’t,” He admitted. “I don’t really want you. Right now  . . . right now, you make me sad.”

“Don’t,” Eli cut in, voice sharp.

“Don’t what?” He sounded surprised, but his face was swimming too much for Eli to tell.

“Don’t regret this,” he snarled. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

Chris was quiet for a moment before he just weakly asked. “Is something wrong? Why do you . . . why do you need money this badly? Eli, are you . . .”

He didn’t finish, and Eli just sighed. “I don’t need the money. I just want it. Don’t pity me now. I’ll take more offense to that than whatever happens tonight.”

Chris sounded horrified when he said, “How can you say that?”

“Because, in a funny way, I’ve always wondered what being high is like.” Eli shrugged. “I’m killing two birds with one stone.”

“But that’s me,” Chris told him. “Eli, don’t you get that? I’m one of the birds you’re killing. Doesn’t that . . .” He sighed. “It’s not right. What we’re doing isn’t right either, but . . . I don’t know what to do.”

Eli felt his stomach give a bit and scooted back toward the toilet, leaning over it. “Pay up and it ends.”

“But that means you win.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Eli’s mouth tasted like acid.

. . .

He was resting on the couch. 

The TV was still on, playing a horror movie. 

Something was on his mouth. 

The crowd cheered. 

He laughed.

Something was on his mouth again.

Someone on tv screamed. 

Something was on his mouth.

Something was–

. . .

Eli woke up because the sun was on his face, and he knew instantly the party was over. It wasn’t quiet, there were voices, but Eli only heard two. Chris and Kendall were in the kitchen, arguing as quietly as they dared. Eli smirked to himself. He didn’t spill the beans. If he had, they would have called Ruth to come take his ass home. He wouldn’t be bundled on the coach with his skull full of lead.

His mouth was dry, and it felt like his teeth caught on his lips and tongue, pulling the cracks wider with every word he spoke, but he talked nonetheless. “So, no more drugs?”

The voices stopped. Footsteps came his way, and Eli blinked his eyes open to see Chris’ concerned face. “Hey, kid, you feeling okay?”

“I’m hungover,” Eli told him honestly. “And can’t pass a drug test, but you know, what do you expect.”

Eli was going to write it off, but Chris looked as unwell as Eli felt, mouth tight and face white. His hands shook at his sides, and he looked at Eli as if it was killing him not to reach out.

Eli was about to ask what his problem was when Kendall jumped in. “They usually say it feels different the next day.”

Sitting up was painful and a hassle, but he did it anyway. “What, being drugged out of your mind? I’d say.”

Kendall had a coffee in her hands, and her smile was nasty. “No, popping your cherry.”

And static erupted in Eli’s ears.

. . .

“You did not have sex with anyone,” Chris had said.

It was two days later, Eli nodded to Ruth as she dropped him off in the Target parking lot. 

“I’ll get you in two hours,” she told him, pointing a finger. “Are your friends going to need rides home?”

“Nah,” Eli told her, waving her off. “They’ll be fine. See you later.”

“Hey, Eli,” his sister called after him. Her voice was a little too level for his liking, and he kept his face blank when he turned back. “Are you okay?”

“I wouldn’t have let that happened,” Chris had sworn. “But I– I wasn’t there when . . . Kendall was supposed to be watching you–”

“Is that concern?” Eli asked, placing a hand on his heart. “From my own sister? God must be real! I must tell the world! I’ll make pamphlets, I’ll sell them on infomercials, I’ll dress as Santa and ring a bell–”

“Okay, I’m gone,” Ruth interrupted him, rolling up the window. “Asshole.”

She drove off, and Eli only let the smile fall when her car was out of sight.

“One of the seniors made a joke,” Chris had told him, ringing his hands. “It was just a joke about- about doing you a favor. First kiss with a senior girl? Said it would make you the coolest 8th grader ever. Everyone had laughed . . .”

Eli walked into Target and looked around. The place was busy on a Saturday afternoon. That worked out just fine for him. His hoodie was already up, and he walked to the electronics section.

“And then everyone just started . . . started going too far. I was down the hall, but I didn’t think . . .” Chris had said. “Eli, I’m so sorry.”

Eli meandered over to the help desk and leaned over it, making Matt Donnald lean back from him. “Hey, Matt. What’s up?”

Matt was too pale for Target red, but the angry flush on his face helped a bit. “What the hell do you want, Eli?”

“Such hostility!” Eli faked being surprised. “I just wanted your help with a little something. You’re good for it right?”

Matt was a bit of a wet blanket, but he wasn’t stupid. He shifted his weight a little bit, lasering in on Eli. “What do you want, and would it be worth my debt?”

“So everyone just lined up and . . .” Chris had trailed off again. “It was just a kiss, Eli, I swear.”

“More like fifty kisses,” Kendall had jumped in. “Feel like talking yet?”

“Yeah, actually,” Eli said, placing both his hands on the counter. “It’s a bit of a big ask Matt, so are you sure you’re good for it?”

“Just tell me what you want.”

Chris had personally driven Eli home, and once they were outside the trailer park, Chris Beaumont had finally shoved $50 into Eli’s hands. “This is all I have. I just– I don’t want to do this anymore, okay? I’m sorry. I’ll pay you back, I swear, I just . . .”

Chris had trailed off because his guilt couldn’t keep his mouth moving. Eli hadn't said anything because he had already decided. He had fingered the bill in his hands as he had climbed out of Chris’ car, and Eli made another decision. Chris had lost after all.

Eli had turned on his heel and faced Chris, stopping him with a look before the older boy pulled away. Chris had obediently frozen. 

“That was mine,” Eli had told him. “You made a mistake taking it.”

Chris’ face was a tapestry of agony. His desperation had taken him somewhere he didn’t want to go and couldn’t walk back from. It was an interesting face. Eli was glad he got to see it, finally. 

“I’m sorry–”

Eli had cut him off. “That was my memory to have. I won’t be able to orchestrate a first kiss, or a second, or a third. It’s done. It’s over. I missed it. I was there, and I missed it.”

He then turned away, not waiting around to hear Chris drive off. Eli had won. The game with Chris was over. Eli mentally checked it off his list and already turned his attention to a new round.

At Target, Matt nodded and didn’t ask anymore questions. Eli smiled and went to get popcorn. The line was fairly long, but that worked out because Eli didn’t plan on going anywhere just yet. He tried his best to focus on the line in front of him and not drift off into whatever dark corner his mind had set up for him today. 

Apathy. He wasn’t apathetic. It was shameful to wish he was right now. 

Overhead, Target’s pop music abruptly stopped playing.

“Oh, yeah, baby.”

Eli’s smile hurt his face when it formed.

“Touch me, come on, Arnie! Arnie, please!”

He could see the concession cashier’s mouth drop open as grunts and moans started playing over the intercom. Chaos was slow to start, disbelief leaving everyone stunned, but when it came it came with a fury. Adults started shouting, teenagers started laughing, employees started scrambling to turn it off. Looking around, Eli caught sight of people pulling out their phones, waving them around aimlessly, as if the mic couldn’t pick up what the person couldn't see.

The line in front of him was cleared by people’s frantic movements, and the cashier started when Eli stepped forward and slammed his money on the table. “Can you break a $50?”