Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

1

Damian smiled as he flew through the Gotham streets, cape billowing in the wind as he grappled from house to house, Batman right behind him.

He landed on the roof of WE with a soft thud, crouching before straightening up, the streets were unusually quiet today, and he would’ve been suspicious if he wasn’t so glad.

“We should head home, I still have the dinner to get to,” Grayson said, fiddling with a Batarang as he too landed on the roof.

The dinner was Grayson’s first dinner with the Allen’s since revealing his romantic relationship with West—whom they saw as their child. Grayson had been uncharacteristically nervous ever since they revealed that the nature of their relationship was no longer platonic, constantly fiddling and bouncing around.

“You’re nervous,” Damian said, it was weird seeing his big brother act like that, he wasn’t usually that nervous. Maybe being Batman was getting to him.

“No, well, yes. I wasn’t before, I’ve known them since I was a child so I didn’t think me dating their son would change much but,” he looked around, paranoid in a way that reminded Damian of father, “but then they decided to give me the shovel talk!”

He didn’t seem to notice the confused look on Damian’s face as he continued.

“I would get it if I was a stranger but come on! I’ve saved his life hundreds of times, we’ve been friends for a decade, the idea that I would hurt him is preposterous!” he was flinging his arms around and seemed genuinely upset.

“What is this talk of shovels?” Damian tilted his head to the side, looking almost like a bird.

“Shovel talk,” Grayson corrected “It’s when someone gets a romantic partner and then their parent will threaten the partner to make sure they’re good enough for their kid and remind them that if they ever hurt them there will be consequences,” he lowered his voice at the last word, it sounded so much like the voice he used whenever he was making fun of Father’s Batman voice that he froze for a bit only to break out of it when Damian poked him.

“Sorry, I- I think this is stressing me.” He smiled; a grimace with too much teeth and not enough emotion, “After B left… this is the one part of my life that’s normal, and I guess I had expected it to go differently,”

Damian hummed. “Does West know you feel like this? If his parents continuously make it difficult for you, he could make them stop,”

“He doesn’t even know they gave me the talk.” Grayson scoffed before smiling, “Bruce said that if I ever started dating someone seriously he’d tell them he was Batman just to-“ he stopped himself before he could think too long about it, the pleasant memory tainted by his death.

He’d lost so much, another father figure, another guardian, another safety net. Damian bit his lip, wanting to get closer but also feeling too awkward to take the step.

“We should head back, so you can prepare,” he said instead, already jumping off the roof.

Grayson kept losing so much, Damian knew that he was close to losing himself as well, he would spend all day crying before taking out his anger on petty thugs at night, Damian may not know much about what a healthy coping mechanism was… but he knew that wasn’t it.

Grayson was mourning, mourning for the father he lost, for the memories he would never be able to look back on without the weight of his death, and for the future memories he would never get to make.

There would be no one to walk him down the aisle when he married, his children would have no grandfather, he would never get to fly with his father.

This shovel talk didn’t make it better, ‘it’s something parents do’ it was just another thing Grayson had lost, another experience that would never come to be.

Unless Damian did it.

Sure, he wasn’t a parent, but they were family, and that had to be good enough.

So, he made a list of what he knew about ‘shovel talking’.

1. The act is usually performed by a parent (Grayson didn’t have a parent, so another family member would have to suffice).
2. It is usually done without the knowledge of the child of the parent—which means Grayson won’t know of Damian’s good deed.
3. Grayson had not been physically harmed, the purpose of it the act is to threaten without leaving any physical marks.

He was ready, West wouldn’t know what hit him.

Wally woke up slowly, his head felt heavy—like someone had drugged him. He groaned, readying himself to come face-to-face with a Rogue or some other villain of the day.

He opened his eyes, slowly and with much effort as they stuck to themselves. He tried to rub his eyes with his hands but found that his wrists were cuffed to the headboard of a very soft bed.

“So glad you’re finally awake, West,” the voice was younger than Wally had expected, and when he finally blinked away the last of his blurry vision, he was shocked to find Damian sitting on a chair in front of him.

He shook his head, his every movement sluggish as he tried to take stock of the situation.

He was in a room, it looked to be a run-down apartment (safe house?) with a used couch pushed into one corner by the only window in the room, and a kitchenette that had a buzzing fridge (which was doing wonders for his headache, truly).

He was half-sitting half-laying on a bed with surprisingly soft sheets (if it was a safe house, it was probably one of the better-liked ones) and even softer pillows.

Damian was wearing his Robin suit, Katana on his lap, not taking his eyes off of Wally as he used his muscle memory to clean and sharpen the weapon.

“Why am I here?” Wally got out, his throat was scratchy and dry.

“You and Grayson have been friends for many years, and recently you decided to take your relationship into the… romantic direction,” his voice was steady even as he hesitated.

Wally nodded, still thirsty and trying to spare his words, he felt much weaker than he should, physically he wasn’t hurt, yet he felt like he had gotten the beating of his lifetime. It took him a while before he realised that he couldn’t get out of the cuffs; he couldn’t access the speed force.

Damian hummed, placing the katana on a side-table as he started walking around the room, somehow managing to look nonchalant and comfortable with having kidnapped his brother’s boyfriend.

“When I was four, I knew how to kill a man five different ways just using my shirt,” he said conversationally, “When I was five, I knew six.”

He turned to look at Wally, and never had he been so scared of an 11-year-old.

“When I was six, someone betrayed my family—they tried to kill my mother. Family is very important to me, so I couldn’t just let something like that slide… that’s when I found my seventh way,”

Wally gulped, panic slowly setting in as he realised, he was trapped with a child who knew how to kill him in the most painful way possible.

“Grayson is my family, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you about the horrors I can put you and your loved ones through should you hurt him,” he said, his eyes hard and emotionless, it was a look Wally had never seen on a child and only ever in a few adults.

“I understand,” Wally said, the smirk on Damian’s face told him that he hadn’t been able to hide the tremor.

Then he was out, and when he woke up again, he was in his own bed, the only reason he knew it wasn’t a dream was because of the origami piece on his side table.

It was a katana, made out of seven of his shirts.

How he had gotten ahold of his shirts Wally didn’t know, how he had even been able to fold them so interictally confused him even more, but it didn’t matter, because that kid was terrifying.

Chapter Text

2

Drake was… he was Drake, and Damian would—begrudgingly, and only ever in his head—admit that he was family.

Drake was deserving of the Wayne name.

Not that he’d ever say it out loud, Drake may be a better-than-average CEO and a valuable member of the family, but he was still Drake.

None of that mattered now though, no, what really mattered was the Kryptonite-shovel, knives, and bullets Damian had been making for two weeks now.

Father was not dead—Drake had said that from the beginning and had even found father, and although the idiot did lose his spleen in the process, Damian had to admit that what he did was admirable—so, in theory, Damian could relinquish his position as head of the family and thus let father be the one to shovel-talk the clone.

But father was busy, and Damian knew how to do it anyway.

West still couldn’t hold eye contact with him, and it had been two years, so Damian knew that he was good at it as well.

Father also seemed completely unaware of his duties, when Damian had tried to subtly bring it up, he had been confused and hadn’t known what Damian was talking about.

So, once again, the burden fell onto him.

This time would be more difficult, as much as Damian hated to admit it, the clone was not as easily subdued as West. It would be especially difficult as the only thing that could subdue him could also easily kill him if wielded incorrectly. Luckily, Damian didn’t make mistakes, so that would not be an issue.

Luckier still, his recent… alliance with the younger Kent (No Grayson, Jonathan’s not a friend) had proven to be very useful when it came to getting access to the Kent farm where the clone resided.

Charming Ma Kent had been easy, all he needed was a couple of gift baskets and some smiles and she was learning his favourite recipes.

Damian had decided to use the same apartment for this talk as he had for when West got his, it was becoming a tradition of sorts, which meant that when Todd inevitably tricked someone into being with him, they too would need to be put into this apartment.

Damian frowned, was he getting predictable? Maybe this would have to be the last time.

That was a worry for later, the clone was waking up, and Damian had to get ready.

“Clone,” he greeted, voice cold and devoid of emotion, he contemplated making it deeper but decided against it in the end—he did not need cheap tricks to strike fear into his opponents.

“Who- Damian?” he squinted at him, “Are you going to kidnap the whole Kent family, or just the young ones?” the clone snarked, trying to get comfortable with the Kryptonite handcuffs Damian had given him.

Damian stayed silent, committing everything to memory, cataloguing every shift, every twitch, every micro-expression.

He had to fight down a smirk when the clones body language told him that the silence unnerved him.

“Kryptonian burial rights state that the deceased must be buried on unsullied land,” Damian started, he may have stolen a dimension-jumping gun so he could travel to a world where Krypton was never destroyed so he could make accurate threats, there might have been minor differences from the Krypton of that universe and this, but this Krypton was gone, so it wasn’t like anyone could fact-check him anyway.

“Although Krypton never did like clones much, so maybe they wouldn’t care as much with you,”

“I don’t understand.” Kon shook his head, trying to rid himself of some of the drowsiness he no doubt felt because of the Kryptonite.

“When I was five, I made my first long-sword, forged by the blood of my enemies, ever since I have been trained by the best blacksmiths in the world,” Damian changed the subject, “At least, they were, until they were killed,”

He didn’t let the way Kon-El suddenly froze bother him as he continued, pulling out the Kryptonite shovel he had made, mostly for the pun (he was spending too much time with Grayson, who in turn was spending too much time with West).

“It’s Kryptonite, in case you were dumber than I thought.” The clone looked like he wanted to say something but a single look from Damian shut him up.

“Your relationship with Drake has recently turned into a romantic one,” Damian said and paused, like he was expecting a response, after a couple of seconds Kon nodded and Damian had to look down to hide his smirk.

“On Krypton, people who were unfaithful would have their remains buried underneath Bloodmorel, a plant with a 92% death rate.” Damian looked up with a smile that featured a little too much teeth to be anything less than threatening, “They were buried alive, in case you were wondering, forced to dig their own graves between the deadly plants, they spent the last days of their lives swinging between high fevers and freezing cold, paired nicely with hallucinations,”

“Why- why are you telling me this?” Kon asked, tugging at his restraints like that would save him.

“I thought you’d like to know more about your culture, in any case, I will gift you this shovel.” Damian pulled out a lead-lined bag to put the shovel in before laying it on the clone’s lap. “I really do hope you won’t be forced to use it, but know this,” he leaned forward, voice barely above a whisper, “If you were to ever hurt Drake, you’ll be begging to dig your own grave between the Bloodmorel.” He leaned back and smiled.

Chapter Text

3

Damian had come back from the death tournament months ago, yet it was only now he had heard that Todd and Harper had started dating—and accidentally gotten married in Vegas.

“Since when?” Damian asked incredulously to his father.

“For a long time now. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you; it completely slipped my mind.” He frowned.

“I take it you haven’t made sure he won’t hurt Todd,”

“Roy is a good kid, he wouldn’t intentionally hurt Jason,”

“Harper is the son of Oliver Queen,” Damian said.

“Although I find the Queens… difficult, Roy is technically a Harper, and he and Jason care for each other. We have to respect his wishes.”

Damian sighed exasperatedly before turning on his heel, iff father continued to shirk his duties, he would take on the responsibility, again.

Harper had a daughter, Lian.

Lian was five now and would occasionally be left alone in the night when Arsenal had to go out and fight crime. It wasn’t something Harper (or Todd for that matter) liked doing, but they couldn’t control when the next alien invasion was.

Damian, on the other hand, could.

Well, he knew someone, who knew someone, who had a favour to cash in with an alien King who wasn’t very powerful yet.

The invasion was small and would be over in a couple of hours.

It gave Damian enough time to sneak into the house and speak with Lian.

He easily picked the lock and made his way into her room; it was messy with toys scattered everywhere and he had to bite down on his tongue when he stepped on Lego.

Her bed was in the corner of the room, the comforter had a Hannah Montana print whilst the pillow was Ben 10. He shook her and slowly she blinked open her eyes, frowning at him.

“Hello Lian, my name is Damian, I’m Jason’s brother,” he introduced himself, pushing the glass of water on her side table over to her.

“Why are you here?” her words muddled together, limbs still heavy from sleep.

“Your father is married to my brother, I’m here to make sure he’ll be nice to Jason,” Damian explained, scooting further from the bed as she swung her legs over the side of it, her My Little Pony shirt on full display.

“Of course, daddy will be nice! He loves Jay very much.” She nodded face serious.

“I know he does, but I have to scare your daddy to make sure, it’s fun, don’t worry,”

“Fun?”

“Yeah, super fun! Your daddy will be all scared and then when he leaves, we will laugh at how scared he was. He knows we won’t actually do anything, so it’s all fun,” Damian promised, holding out his pinkie finger. “Do you want to help? I promise it will be fun,”

She frowned, looking very serious as she thought about the offer.

She could either prank her father with the help of her uncle, or she could go back to sleep.

She linked her pinkie finger with his and shook it a couple of times.

They played with dolls for an hour before Lian couldn’t stop yawning and Damian decided it was story-time.

“Do you like Brother’s Grimm?” he asked, scooting her over as they both got under the covers.

“Don’t know em’,” she said, laying her head in his lap as he carded his fingers through her hair.

“They made Cinderella,” he whispered.

“I love Cinderella!” she giggled, getting interrupted by a yawn as she focused on the feeling of fingers going through her hair and the tug of exhaustion.

“Once upon a time,” Damian started as he told the story from memory, he had read it many times for his mother, so he never faltered in his retelling.

 Roy came home tired and sore, the alien invasion had been small and simple, which he was thankful for, but it was still an alien invasion.

He deposited all of his gear and took a shower—he had only needed a couple of stitches in his side—before he made it to Lian’s room, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to make it back to his room again, but he really wanted to see her.

He carefully opened and closed the door behind him, stopping in his spot as he saw Damian carding his fingers through Lian’s hair.

What was he doing here? Why wasn’t he back in the manor?

“What are you doing here?” Roy decided not to beat around the bush, he had heard about the kid from Jason.

Damian was a violent brat and the baby of the family—hurt him and you risk certain death courtesy of his older siblings.

“Congratulations on your marriage,” Damian said instead of answering.

Great.

He was going to evade every question; he really was the blood-son.

“Thank you,” after many years of being around the bats during their let’s not tell anyone who we are phase, he had found out that just going along with it was much easier.

“I would stand up to greet you, but I'm a little preoccupied." Damian seemed to notice that Roy had been staring at Lian the whole time and smiled "Don't worry, she's been very nice,” he got a knot out of Lian’s hair as Roy clenched his fists.

Was this kid threatening his daughter?

“You’re a family man, aren’t you Harper?” all he could do was nod, he wished he hadn’t taken off his suit, or at least kept his bow.

“If something ever were to happen to Lian, you would hunt the person down, right?” he looked up, their eyes meeting in an intense fight Roy wasn’t ready for. “I, too, care about my family. There is no one I wouldn’t hurt, no one I wouldn’t kill for my family.” Roy adverted his eyes, he felt like he had lost a fight, but the kid was 15! Roy was a grown adult; he would not let himself be-

Lian was still sleeping, head in Damian’s lap as she let out soft breaths.

Damian had a knife in his sleeve, he would occasionally show the glint of the blade as he ran his fingers through her hair.

It would be so easy for him to kill her.

“Please-“

“You have married my brother, I trust you will protect him as you do Lian. If I find that you have been shirking your responsibilities—or even worse, you have been harming him—I will make you beg for death,”

He would not be scared of a child.

He would not-

Something hit him on his thigh, and he was out like a light.

Chapter Text

Father was never the best at choosing women, Damian’s own mother could be seen as a ‘bad choice’ as she was a villain.

Damian was glad though, Talia may have been flawed but he loved her dearly, and he doubted that any civilian (or even hero) would be able to keep up with father.

That’s why Damian was secretly pleased when Kyle started coming around the manor more, she was good for him, calmed him down, it was… nice to see father so domestic.

It didn’t hurt that she usually brought a couple of cats with her that all played nicely with Damian’s own animals.

Even approving of his choice, Damian couldn’t help but plan for Kyle’s shovel talk, he had done well the other times he had done it (Harper, the clone and West still couldn’t look him in the eye without flinching and most of them tip-toed around him like he was a bear trap just waiting to go off) so he wasn’t too worried about doing it again. Father couldn’t do it, as he was the one in the relationship, Pennyworth would be the obvious choice, but he was busy taking care of everyone and Damian didn’t want to burden him with another duty.

Alas, it was again up to him.

Kyle had to be different though, she was to be his stepmother so he could not go about it the same way as he did the others.

He had to be softer, less obvious.

“Kyle,” Damian greeted, sitting on the only available spot on the couch filled with cats.

As soon as he sat down, three more cats appeared and jumped on his lap, and he gladly paid them attention.

“Wayne,” she said with a bemused smile.

“You are engaged to my father,”

“That is correct,”

“And this means that you will protect him, should he get in harm’s way?”

“Your father hardly needs my protection with all you kids around, but if I ever had the opportunity to help I would,” she said.

“And you would never intentionally hurt him as you have in the past, and if you were to do it, you would feel great remorse lest I beat it into you,”

She was quiet at that, the easy smile falling off her lips as she looked down onto the cat in her lap.

“I have hurt your father many times before, and I cannot promise you that I won’t do it again.” She sighed, more cats coming to huddle around her, “but I love him, and I’m really- I’m really trying.” She bit her lip, swallowing as she held in tears.

“Damian, I am not perfect, I work on the wrong side of the law, and I hurt people. I hurt your father every time I dip back into my criminal nature, but I’m trying, I’m trying to be worthy of the Wayne name and of a place in this family, your family.” She finally looked up again, eyes wet from unshed tears, “I may not deserve your father, but I hope I can come to be someone you can all rely on and accept,”

That was all Damian needed to hear.

Chapter Text

5

Stephanie and Cassandra had been friends for a long time, and although he thought of both of them as his sisters—if his younger self could hear him now, he would be appalled—Damian hadn’t been surprised when they told everyone they were dating.

But it did make it difficult for him, as he would have to shovel talk them both, it wasn’t often that any of his family had a relationship serious enough for them to announce it to the whole family as a real relationship, so it had been a couple of years since his last talk.

Father was still as oblivious as ever, though in this case it could be excused as they both knew that none of the girls would ever hurt each other or the family.

Still, Damian felt it his duty to protect his big sisters from the world and wanted to hear them make that promise—that if it came down to it, they would put the other above everyone else.

Cassandra was lounging in one of the family rooms, reading a book that Jason had no doubt recommended.

“Cassandra,” he said, announcing his entrance before sitting down beside her.

“Little brother,” she greeted, earmarking the book before putting it down—Damian tried not to physically wince at the injustice.

“Congratulations on getting together with Stephanie.” She immediately brightened, her eyes practically disappearing as she smiled.

“I hope you are happy,”

It was quiet for a moment, the smile on Cassandra’s lips slowly faded as she realised what he said hadn’t been a statement, it was a question.

“We are both happy, she… understands me.” Cassandra blinked the tears that had begun gathering in her eyes away and Damian pulled her against him, his growth-spurt had truly done wonders as he was easily able to have her underneath his chin.

“On my bad days, I can’t talk, you know that. Words have never come naturally for me, and sometimes they don’t come at all.” She took a deep breath before exhaling shakily. “She doesn’t care, she will sit with me, even if it’s in silence, sometimes we’ll speak using sign language, sometimes she’ll do all of the talking, and sometimes it’s just quiet, but.” She smiled again, leaning away from the embrace to look up at Damian with a smile. “There is always love,”

“And you will protect her? Stephanie is family, even if you two ever break up,” Damian said.

“With my life.”

Damian had decided to be nice and visit Stephanie at Gotham University, as a struggling (but not really struggling because she had access to Father’s credit cards) med-student she always appreciated it when someone came with coffee and snacks.

He ignored the looks the students outside threw at him and settled against his Rolls Royce as he waited for her.

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long, Stephanie came out, looking dead on her feet as she walked towards him before she even knew what she was doing.

“Your coffee,” he said, she gratefully took it and sipped while mumbling something unintelligible.

After three sips she was able to formulate an understandable sentence and looked up at him.

“What a pleasant surprise.” She kissed his cheek, having to stand on the tip of her toes to reach.

“I thought I would surprise you,”

“What´s the angle?”

“Does there have to be one? Can I not just want to visit my favourite non-sister sister?”

“We both know that’s Babs, so what’s the real reason you’re here?” she said, grinning.

“Are you happy?” he asked, the question seemed to confuse her as she furrowed her brows.

“I guess? I’m really tired because of classes, but that’s to be expected, it’s not like I’ll stop being Spoiler anytime soon though, why?”

Right, she probably thought he was worried she couldn’t take on the load of med-school and being a vigilante. His reputation of being almost as mission-driven as his father was not serving him well.

“I meant, are you happy with Cassandra?”

She froze, momentarily stunned as she searched his features for any sign that he wasn’t being serious. When she didn’t find anything, she sighed and slung an arm around his shoulders.

“Of course, I am, we’ve been friends for a long time you know, now we’re just friends who fuck.” He groaned, pushing her away as she went down in a fit of giggles.

“I do not wish to hear about your… activities.” He scowled, face making an expression so unflattering that it sent her into another fit.

“Sorry, God, you look so much like B that this just makes it 100 times funnier,”

“Laugh it up, Brown,” he rarely used their last names anymore, only ever doing it when he wanted to annoy them, he was pleased to say that it worked every time.

She reached up to slap him, but he grabbed her wrist, “You wouldn’t want to do that, I still haven’t given you your snacks,”

Instantly she lost all of the fight in her as she perked up, he could almost imagine the tail wagging behind her as she looked at him with puppy eyes.

“You’ll be good to each other, right?” he asked before giving her the snacks.

“I promise.” She smiled at him, pulling him into a side hug and messing up his hair.

Chapter Text

+1

Wally was pressed against Dick, both scrolling mindlessly on their phones as they occasionally poked one another to show what they had found.

Next to them, Tim was sitting in Kon’s lap with his laptop open, no doubt working as Kon tried to distract him with innocent kisses and whispered jokes.

Roy was sitting on the floor with Lian, Jason, and Cass as they played Uno and Lian told them about her day at school.

All in all, it was an unusually calm day.

Then Stephanie ran in, panting and huffing with Damian hot on her trail.

“Brown, you will not tell them before I get the chance!” he screeched, tackling her right onto the Uno deck—they would’ve hit Cass too if she hadn’t been so quick to move.

“Wow, what’s got your knickers in a twist?” Jason asked.

“Damian-“ Damian put his hand over Stephanie’s mouth before she could continue.

“I have been in a romantic relationship with Jonathan for three months, I didn’t feel it the time to tell everyone, but Stephanie overheard us and decided to force my hand.” He retracted his hand quickly as she licked it, staring at her with disgust before getting up.

“Thank you for your time.” He turned on his heel and left the room, wiping his hand off on his trousers as he muttered how she was a filthy animal.

The room was silent, Steph was grinning maniacally whilst everyone else had completely abandoned what they were doing before in favour of staring at Damian’s retreating form.

“He can’t date anyone!” Tim was the first to break the silence, practically flinging the computer out of his lap (Thank God for Kon’s tactile telekinesis that saved it before it could break).

“He’s a child!” Dick agreed.

“A scary, murder child,” Wally said, shuddering as he remembered his shovel talk, on his and Dick’s anniversary he would find small, folded katanas around the house and he would get flashbacks of war.

“The scariest, murder child.” Kon nodded, he had once tried to throw the shovel out, but it kept coming back, every time, he once threw it out in space, and it still came back. Kon didn’t fear a lot of things, and there were even less people he feared, but Damian topped every list.

“I would rather fight Batman’s whole rogue’s gallery than I would want to be in the same room as Damian alone.” Roy hugged Lian tightly, practically squeezing her to death.

Damian had quickly become Lian’s favourite uncle, and he was often on babysitting duty which meant he had full access to Roy’s house at all times. He had somehow recruited Lian and together they would plan elaborate plans that all evolved Roy getting a heart attack. To make matters even worse, he had once gotten a taste of the pain Damian could cause him when he had told Jason that they weren’t actually married (he didn’t think a wedding in Vegas counted) and Damian had kidnapped him and forced him to listen to Lian and the PowerPoint her and Damian made. He had gone easy, Roy knew that, if he had really wanted him away from his brother, he would have done something much worse, he had just wanted him to be better. That was why he had been forced to read and listen to a college-level essay detailing all the ways he failed as a spouse.

It was very well written and was great with the PowerPoint, number 13 was one of the most memorable with ‘you married him in Vegas and instead of buying the most beautiful ring in the world to make up for the sub-par wedding you decided to just do nothing’ and number 3 with ‘you haven’t even discussed having him officially adopt Lian, what are you doing???’ (that one was fixed almost immediately).

In the end, he improved a lot, but he still couldn’t be in the same room as Damian without feeling fear worm its way down his back.

Whenever the kid said he was thirsty Roy was the first one out of his chair to get him some water, and Damian knew that.

“Mood,” Kon said just as Wally shouted “same!”

“I know he’s a good fighter, but he isn’t that scary,” Jason said, tugging at Roy’s arm so he could finally let his daughter breathe.

“Not that scary! The kid has threatened to kill me on multiple occasions! He does it every year, sometimes he just does it for fun!” Wally said, arms flailing around as he detached himself from Dick.

“Me too! Every time I open my closet, I remember that he could and would kill me without hesitation!” Kon shouted.

“He went the psychological torture route with me, I think he wanted to try new things,” Roy said, finally letting go of Lian.

“That’s valid.” Kon and Wally nodded.

“Wait, wait, what are you guys talking about?” Tim asked, furrowing his brows.

“Our shovel talks with Damian, I’m surprised he gave you guys one,” Wally said, looking excited at having found people with shared experiences.

“I was so shocked when I found him in Lian’s room and then he started going on about how Jason was his brother and there was no one he wouldn’t kill for his family,” Roy said, the same excited look could be found in his eyes.

“For me, he started talking about Kryptonian burial rituals and how I would be forced to dig my own grave with a Kryptonite shovel he had made should I ever cheat on Tim.” He was still holding Tim tightly against his chest, but he was just as excited as the others.

“Now that you mention it, he also gave me the shovel talk, nothing as dramatic,” Steph said, “just asked me if I was happy and if we would protect each other,”

Cass pointed at herself before holding up two fingers. “Said you were family, even if we broke up, and that I needed to protect you,”

“But you’re his sister, why would he talk to you?” Steph furrowed her brows.

“You’re family too,” Cass said, smiling as she got close enough to bump her head against Steph’s.

“As cute as this is, can we get back to the part where Damian decided to threaten our partners?” Tim said, still shocked.

“He was like, eleven when we got together!” Dick said, looking at Wally.

“Scariest eleven-year-old I’ve ever met.” He shivered.

“Why would he shovel talk you?” Tim looked at Kon, “he was still threatening to kill me when we got together,”

“I don’t know, he was very serious about me never cheating on you though, I still have nightmares.” He got a distant look in his eyes and only snapped out of it when Tim poked him.

“I can’t believe he would do that,” Jason muttered, staring at Roy with awe. “You know what this means, right?” he looked at his siblings, a glint in his eye that he usually only ever got when going after rapists.

“We have to talk to him about it?” Dick asked.

“We have to repay the favour,” Jason said, smiling darkly.

All of the siblings perked up at that, matching grins on their faces as Roy (holding a very confused Lian), Wally, and Kon slowly backed away and bolted.

They may be ready to marry into the family, but they knew better than to interrupt bats when they got that look.

Jon woke up slowly, he felt drowsy and weak in a way that reminded him too much of the effects of a low dose of Kryptonite.

He tried to listen but found that his hearing had been constricted to that of a normal human, so probably Kryptonite.

“Hello, Kent,” a voice said from his right, it was deep and malicious, yet it didn’t scare him, something in the back of his mind told him that the voice was a friend and not a foe.

He forced his eyes open; it was darker than he was used to, but he could just make out the shape of a group of people.

Jason.

He was wearing his Red Hood outfit; his helmet gave him away.

“Jason?” Jon rasped out.

“The whole family,” Dick said from his left.

Ah, that’s who the other figures were.

They were all wearing their hero outfits and posturing threateningly.

“How did I get here?”

“We kidnapped you, seems it’s a bat tradition.” Tim snickered.

“Why?”

“Because you, and our dear little brother, are dating,” Steph said, stepping closer to him, she was holding a Batarang that glowed faintly green. “And we’d like to make sure you’re good for him,”

“Are you guys serious? We’ve been friends since I was ten! Damian was my gay awakening; do you really not trust me?”

“If the brat gets to do it with us, we get to do it with him,” Jason muttered.

“We’re getting off-topic, we’re supposed to be threatening him!” Dick whispered to the others, not quiet enough for Jon not to hear even in his weakened state.

“You’ve known me since I was a baby, this would work better if Dick wasn’t practically my Godfather,” Jon deadpanned, he had spent too long around Damian to be bothered by their shenanigans.

“This really isn’t going as planned,” Dick muttered, “Hurt Damian and we will hurt you!” he screamed, and it took everything in Jon to not roll his eyes.

“When is he coming anyway? He’s bound to know you’ve kidnapped me, you’re not exactly… subtle,” Jon was judging them, Cass was a goddess who could do no wrong, and all of the bats were incredible at stealth, but not around family.

Really, it was their one major weakness, whenever family was involved, they would become bumbling buffoons—Damian’s words, not his.

“Excuse you! We are the epitome of stealth,” Steph clutched her chest, dramatically falling into Cass’s waiting arms.

“Normally, yeah, but this you’re doing for the jokes, you couldn’t have stayed quiet about this for long.” Jon did roll his eyes this time.

“Three minutes, they decided to raid my own stash of Kryptonite,” Damian said, emerging from the shadows which made everyone but Cass jump.

“Hey, Dami.” Jon smiled, the smile his mom said made him look like a love-sick puppy and the one his classmates always teased him with.

“Beloved,” Damian greeted with a nod, coming up behind him to get him out of the cuffs.

“My hero.” Jon giggled, kissing Damian on the cheek as he got up, relishing in the feeling of his strength returning.

“That’s not fair! We didn’t even know you had done it to our partners, and you stopped us from giving yours the talk!” Dick whined.

“Then you should have planned it better. Regardless, Jonathan hardly needs to be given the talk anyway, he is far too good for me. Which reminds me, I should probably be preparing for a visit from Kon,” Damian mumbled the last part, mindlessly rubbing circles on Jon’s back.

Tim scoffed, “he wouldn’t dare,”

There were vague noises of agreement from the bats, much to the confusion of Damian.

“Why not?” he tilted his head to the side, resting it on Jon’s shoulder in the process.

“You’re our little brother,” Cass said, like that should have explained everything.

Which it did for everyone but Damian.

“I don’t see how that should change anything,”

“You’re the baby of the family, if anyone as much as breathes in your direction we’ll take them out,” Jason said like it was obvious.

“Also, Kon is terrified of you, he does not want to be in the same room as you,” Jon supplied.

“He should care enough for you to get over his unfounded fear.” Damian tutted. “Are you finished here? We have a reservation,”

“Just, one more thing,” Jason said, settling his hand on Jon’s shoulder and looking him in the eye.

“If you hurt him, you will beg me to end your life,”

“Of course, I expected nothing less.” Jon smiled before he was tugged away by Damian.

“Maybe we should practice for next time,” Dick said.

“Who would even be next?” Jason shuffled where he stood, being a protective brother was something that came naturally to him, yet he still felt weird when it happened.

“Lian.”

Jason’s screaming could be heard for hours.