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Chapter Text

"Carlos, can you do me a huge favour?" Those words hadn't been what Carlos had expected when he'd answered his phone and said hello.

Carlos knew that when Jill sucked up her pride and asked for help, it was something urgent. "Sure, Supercop. What's up?"

Jill didn't hesitate to respond, and that was what worried Carlos; when Jill didn't hesitate, even she was desperate. "Can you go check on Chris's boyfriend? Chris is overseas for work, and Leon isn't answering his phone for anyone."

"Leon?" The name was vaguely familiar in Carlos's mind; he was sure he'd heard Jill or Chris talk about him before. "That's the alcoholic dude, right?"

"Yeah, that's him." 

Carlos sifted through the belongings on his desk. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Jill; I never met the guy and if he's as paranoid as you say he is, he's probably gonna shank me before I can even knock on his door." 

Jill's tone went taut for a moment. "Carlos… Can you, please? Chris has said he's worried he's going to kill himself, and now… At least do it for Chris's peace of mind. Even if he just yells at you through the door to fuck off." 

Carlos chewed at his lip. He still wasn't keen on the idea - the door of a top government agent with levels of PTSD he could only imagine didn't sound like the safest door a stranger could knock on. 

But if Jill was asking… 

"Alright, Supercop." Carlos tossed his pen aside and stood up. He knew he really should have been finishing his work, but Jill was out of town, and if she was asking him, they must be desperate. "But I expect a home-cooked meal if he tries to gut me." 

"Just let him know that Chris and Jill sent you, and he should keep the stabbing to a minimal level." Jill let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, Carlos; I owe you big time. I'll text you his address and let Chris know; he was going off his head with worry." 

Carlos waved a dismissive hand, even though he knew Jill couldn't see it. "Don't worry about it; it'll make us even, right?"

Carlos farewelled Jill and snatched his car keys from his desk. He wasn't sure about what was being asked of him; from what Jill had told him of Leon, Leon had some major PTSD that even his boyfriend had been on the receiving end of; sure it would be better for Chris to rush home, right? At least then there probably wasn't a danger of being shanked.

But if Jill had asked him to help, he would; he was sure that there would be nothing he wouldn't do for her if she were to ask him.

Carlos made his way to the apartment complex Jill had texted him. He parked in the visitor parking and looked around, trying to find the right staircase to ascend that would take him to Leon.

Eventually, he found where he was going, not without the help of a passing resident who'd pointed him in the right direction. Carlos pretended he hadn't noticed the strange look he'd received when he'd mentioned Leon's name; surely Leon didn't have a reputation here of all places…?

Christ, what the hell had the guy gone through?

He climbed the stairwell and let himself into the corridor, wondering which door was Leon's. He double-checked the apartment number before he counted doors, deducing that it should be one of the ones on his left.

Sure enough, he matched the door number with the one Jill had texted him.

"Leon?" Carlos rapped at the door, prepared for anything. "Leon, you in there?"

No one came to answer the door, but Carlos could hear the familiar clinking of bottles against bottles. He looked at his wristwatch; it was only ten in the morning; was he seriously in there drinking already?

"Leon?" Carlos tried again. "Leon, Jill sent me to check on you. If you don't open the door, I'm going to break it down."

"Break my fucking door and I'll break you," came the slurred response from somewhere inside.

"Then you'd better open it 'cause I'm not really the kind of guy you'd want to go toe-to-toe with." Carlos hoped it didn't come across as threatening.

Leon gave a bitter laugh. "Yeah. Neither am I."

"So I've heard." Carlos knocked again. "Would you rather I call Jill and tell her you won't let me in?"

Leon was silent for several moments before Carlos heard another clink of a bottle, and unsteady footsteps approach the door. A number of deadbolts slid open before the door handle twisted, and Carlos was face-to-face with someone who looked like he'd been drinking nothing but alcohol for a year straight.

"Jesus, Leon." Carlos felt his stomach churn at the bags beneath his eyes, so dark, it looked like someone had given him two black eyes. "How much you been drinkin'?"

Leon waved a dismissive hand. He ignored the question and instead murmured, "I don't want you to call Jill; Jill is scary."

Carlos chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah, tell me about it. You doin' alright?"

"Fuckin' fantastic," Leon slurred. Carlos wasn't oblivious to his sarcasm. "Chris is gone even longer now apparently; asshole knows I hate it when he's gone too long."

Carlos stepped with trepidation into the apartment. It reeked of something he couldn't decipher, and when he looked past Leon's slim frame, he could see that the floor seemed to have been replaced with an ocean of whiskey bottles; how Leon had made it to the door without slicing his feet open would forever be a mystery to him.

"I take it you've been drinking in his absence." Carlos was gentle about it, but Leon still sneered and tensed his body.

"What 'bout it?" Leon was on the defensive now, and Carlos was prepared for the inevitable shanking.

"Well…" Carlos dragged his hand through his shaggy hair as he tried to find the right words. "It's… People are worried, y'know?"

"They're always worried." Leon turned around and waded his way through the bottles to return to the sofa. Carlos winced as he realised even the sofa was littered in empty glasses. "Just 'cause I tried ta – it doesn't matter. What the hell do you want, anyway? Who the fuck are you?"

"Right." It made sense Leon was wary; he didn't know who he was, and Carlos had completely forgotten to introduce himself. "I'm Carlos. You might have heard Jill talk about me before."

"Oh. Carlos." Leon snorted. Carlos tried not to take it to heart; the guy was probably drunk out of his mind. "Yeah, she talks about you."

"Only good things, I hope," Carlos joked.

Leon shrugged. He picked up the half-empty bottle he must have been working his way through when Carlos had knocked. "Why would she have anything bad to say about Carlos? You know you remind me of Chris if he was wearing a mop on his head."

Carlos laughed heartily. "That so?"

"Yep. S'what I said." Leon raised the bottle to his lips. Carlos couldn't help but worry as every drop disappeared down the back of his throat, and the bottle met its demise somewhere in the sea of glass.

Carlos looked around. The apartment was as unkempt as Leon appeared, and it smelled like something had died in there. He wondered if it was always like this, or if it were only the times Chris was away.

From just how oily Leon's hair was, and the overgrown stubble on his face, Chris had probably been gone at least a couple weeks.

"So, uh…" Carlos tried not to think about how dirty Leon's clothes looked, "…you want some help cleanin' up?"

Leon reached beside the sofa for an unopened bottle. He shrugged. "Nah. I'll clean up when Chris gets home."

"Won't he be mad if he comes back to this?"

"He's always mad at me for somethin'." Leon twisted the cap and tossed it somewhere behind him. "Especially lately. 'Least it leads to some nice angry sex."

Carlos didn't know how to respond. "Should I be telling Jill about this?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Leon gulped down the whiskey in one sitting. He pulled it away and wiped at his lips before he muttered, "Because if she knows, she'll come to yell at me and clean the place up."

"What if we forego the telling Jill part, and I just pick up some of these bottles?" Carlos hoped he wasn't overstepping boundaries. "It's like a minefield – and man, I gotta tell you, I've already walked on enough of those to last me a lifetime."

Leon scowled at the wall. He'd turned away slightly, so Carlos couldn't see his expression. He looked stubborn, almost like a child trying to decide what punishment was worse.

And finally, Leon turned his back entirely to Carlos and muttered, "There's trash bags under the kitchen sink. Good luck getting everything into a bin."

Carlos got to his feet to navigate the bottles once more. Well, at least it was a start, right?  

Chapter Text

Leon had passed out on the sofa right when Carlos had worried about the possibility of alcohol poisoning. Carlos let him be and continued with cleaning the apartment, deciding that there were enough liquor bottles scattered around to suggest Leon was surely immune to alcohol poisoning by now. He'd almost made a decent clearing on the floor when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out, unsurprised to see Jill's name on the screen.

He answered the call and held the phone to his ear with his shoulder. "Hey, Supercop. What's up?"

"How's Leon? Chris has been asking."

Carlos dropped a whiskey bottle to instead look at his wristwatch. "Shit, I've been here an hour already? Yeah, he's alright. He's sleepin' right now."

"It's late; is he okay?" The concern in Jill's voice was palpable, and Carlos didn't know whether to tell her what he'd walked in on.

Carlos decided not betraying Leon's trust for the moment was more important. "Yeah, he just said he hadn't been sleepin' well. I must have lost track of time talkin' to him."

"Has he been drinking again?"

Carlos was silent, caught on the spot. "Uh. He –"

"- If he is, Chris needs to come back." Carlos could hear Jill pacing in the background. "He's not supposed to be alone if he's drinking. He's not supposed to be drinking at all."

Carlos didn't know the exact reasoning behind that statement, but from what he had walked in on, he had a good idea of why that was; Redfield would probably come home one day and walk in on his boyfriend having drank himself to death.

But, Chris did the work he couldn't just pack up and abandon; if he did that, there was so much at stake.

"Now hold on, Jill." Carlos tied the garbage bag up and moved it into the corner of the kitchen with the others. "Don't worry Chris about it; the BSAA needs him. I don't mind keepin' an eye on him."

"Carlos, he's –" Jill cut herself off, like she'd thought better of what she'd been about to say. She took a deep breath. "He's not that easy to handle. Chris should –"

"It's alright." He reached to tear another garbage bag from the roll; at least now he could see the patterns on the tiles and wonder just how clean they'd been before all the alcohol had stained into them. "I'm good at handlin' the hard ones. As long as he doesn't stab me, I'm cool with him."

Jill didn't sound convinced, and Carlos knew she wasn't. He understood; she cared deeply about Chris and Leon and wanted the best thing for them both – but she also understood how important Chris was to the BSAA. He appreciated her heavy sigh.

"Alright…" Jill's pacing stopped. "Alright. But can I give your number to Chris in case he gets worried?"

"'Course, Jill; I know how much he loves Leon."

"You're the best, Carlos. I mean it."

Carlos smiled. "I love you, too, Supercop. Gotta go."

Carlos ended the call and put his phone back in his pocket. He didn't know how long it had taken to bag up all the bottles and place them in a corner for later disposal, but he'd gone the extra mile in scrubbing the sticky floors and counters and even checking the food in the fridge – which, as he'd suspected, was long past its use by dates.

Carlos shook his head; had Leon even been eating? He'd looked so thin earlier; Carlos wouldn't have been surprised to learn he hadn't eaten in days.

He shook his head and tried not to think about it. He wondered what he should do with the garbage bags, but he decided on leaving them there for now since he still had to clean the living room, and at least the kitchen floor could be safely navigated.

"'Least it doesn't feel like it did back when I was a guerrilla tryin' not to set off a landmine…" Carlos muttered to himself.

He cracked open the window above the basin to air the kitchen out before he turned around. He wondered if Leon was still asleep, but before he could poke his head in and check, he heard cursing coming from the living room, moments before something shattered and Leon yelled.

"Ah, fuck!" Something else shattered, and Leon's shouting grew louder. "Goddamnit! Fuck!"

"Leon!" Carlos felt deafened by the heavy thuds of his own combat boots as he ran to the doorway; if something happened to Leon after he'd promised to take care of him…

Carlos didn't know what was more worrying; the fact that Leon was laying in a pool of shattered glass, or that he was still reaching for the half-drank bottle of whiskey Carlos had taken off him earlier. Carlos almost couldn't believe the way Leon could still raise the bottle to his lips and scull when he was bleeding all over the carpet.

"Leon, you…" Carlos kicked bottles out of his path. He knelt by Leon's side and touched his shoulder. He held his other hand out by the bottle, but he stayed still when Leon's icy blue eyes locked onto him and gave him a ferocious glare that just dared him to try and take the bottle away. He sighed. "Alright… Look. You can hold onto that bottle, but you've got glass all through your feet, and probably in your body, too. I'm gonna pick you up and carry you to the bathroom and see what I can do for you. Alright?"

Leon pulled the bottle free from his lips and sneered. "Jill ever tell you you're like a mother? Well, I assume you are anyway; I haven't had any parents since I was little; wouldn't even remember what it's like havin' 'em."

Carlos felt his heart pull at Leon's words. He tried not to focus on them and instead offered his best smile. "Well, if carin' 'bout ya means I'm like a mother, I'm all for it, Leon. You're not gonna pull a knife outta somewhere and shank me if I touch you, are ya?"

Leon waved his hand as he raised the bottle to his lips again. He finished the last bit of whiskey and tossed it away carelessly. "Nah. S'long as you don't touch my drinks. Don't like even Chris trying to take them off me; turns into a wrestling match and we both leave with bloody noses."

Carlos couldn't help but wonder what the hell went on in the apartment between Leon and Chris when no one was around to witness; from the throwaway comments Leon had been making since his arrival, he had his doubts if their relationship was really as happy as everyone told him it was.

"Well, here's a deal," Carlos offered. "You let me treat whatever cuts you got, and I won't take your bottle from you while you're my patient."

Leon's responding laugh was so bitter, Carlos couldn't help but frown. "Don't need any treatment; I just have to drink enough and I won't even notice any pain – works every time. You should try it yourself."

"You’re lyin' in broken glass, bleedin', Leon," Carlos deadpanned. "I'm not just gonna leave you there. Now c'mon; if I get you another bottle, can I take you to the bathroom?"

Leon tried to move himself, but the wince on his face told Carlos he'd probably thought better of it. Carlos wondered if it were the only reason he wore a deep scowl on his face as he nodded.

"Right. I'll be right back." Carlos returned to the kitchen to take one of the unopened bottles of whiskey he'd found on the table. He brought it back out to Leon. "Here. I'm gonna pick you up now, so let me know if I'm hurtin' ya."

Leon spat his passive aggressive comments at him, but Carlos paid them no heed. He slipped his arms under Leon's knees and his back and lifted him effortlessly. He tried not to think about why he was so light, and if it were normal for him.

"Where's the bathroom?" Leon was too busy sculling down whiskey like his life depended on it, so Carlos wandered towards a hallway, prepared to kick doors open if he had to.

But once he got close enough to the hallway, he realised there was no need to kick doors; all he had to do was follow the overpowering stench of vomit.

And sure enough, there was the bathroom, but Carlos was starting to doubt just how hygienic it was to take Leon in there with open wounds; not with dried vomit caked all over the toilet and the tiles.

"On second thought, mind if we go to your bedroom?" Carlos had been unprepared for the way Leon tensed.

"No!" Leon snapped. His lips curled, and his eyes burned with fury, but Carlos thought he could see a glimmer of fear. "Fuck you, asshole! Put me down!"

"Leon, if you thought I meant that in a –"

"- I don't care how you meant it; I'm not going in there!" Leon started to writhe, and Carlos realised there was a deeper meaning behind his outburst. "I don't fucking go in there without Chris! The door stays closed!"

Carlos didn't understand, but he wasn't going to fight Leon on something that so clearly distressed him. He moved to open the window for fresh air and tried his best not to think about how rancid the bathroom smelled.

"Alright." Carlos felt himself gag. He gently lowered Leon onto the clean bathmat by the shower. "But you gotta let me clean that first. Sorry… But I've smelled too much of that from the battlefield."

Leon didn't argue. Carlos wondered if he understood, or he was just relieved Carlos had given in so easily.

Carlos made quick work of the vomit, and he didn't hesitate to gather clean water, a towel from beneath the basin, and a pair of tweezers. He returned to Leon, but Leon seemed too focused on emptying yet another bottle to care about him tending to his feet.

Carlos wrapped the glass shards up carefully in toilet paper. He could see fresh blood on Leon's jacket sleeve, so he reached out.

Leon saw him coming from the corner of his eye. He watched Carlos warily, like a guard dog just waiting for the stranger to try and stick their hand into its territory.

And as soon as Carlos took hold of his wrist and started sliding his sleeve upwards, Leon went off like a bomb.

"Don't fucking touch me, you prick!" Leon roared. Carlos backed up immediately and held his hands in front of him. "If I wanted your help, I'd fucking ask for it! I'm not some fucking baby who can't handle a bit of glass in their arm; it's nothing compared to the shit I've been through! Fuck you!"

"Whoa, Leon," Carlos tried to soothe. He wasn't oblivious to the way Leon tried tugging his sleeve over his hand, and the way he curled in on himself set alarm bells off in his head; was he… hiding something…? It was a rather warm day… "I didn't mean to upset you; if I overstepped some boundaries, I apologise. I won't do it again."

Leon sniffed. He bared his teeth in final warning before he grumbled. "Even Chris doesn't get to mess up my clothes without asking me first."

And that… was possibly the most worrying comment Leon had made yet.

***

"I ordered some pizza." Carlos looked around the living room, pleased that he had managed to clean it, but wondering just how long it would take for Leon to bombard it with empty liquor bottles again. "You hungry?"

"No." Leon sat, curled on the sofa like a stubborn child. The pout on his face was even more childish. Carlos couldn't help but give a fond laugh.

"Well, I ordered five cartons, so there'll be plenty to choose from if you change your mind." Carlos smiled at the way Leon deepened his pout.

"Chris orders me the pepperoni pizza." Leon moved his gaze to the window. A faraway look crossed his face now. "I don't like the pepperoni pizza. But I eat it because I know he thinks it's my favourite, and it makes him happy when I eat something. So… I eat it."

Carlos sat on the far end of the sofa, slowly so he didn't startle Leon. He was careful, learning quickly that Leon was reactive, and it didn't take much to set him off. "You miss him?"

Leon's eyes moved lazily back to Carlos. He studied him for a few moments before he looked back out the window and watched the rain splatter the window. He shrugged.

"Do you…" Carlos weighed his words carefully, "…if I tried to give you pepperoni, would you eat it, or would you just shove it in my face and tell me you hate me?"

"I'd call you an asshole for trying to make me eat something I don't like." Leon sounded like he was between worlds. "I only eat because Chris would worry if I didn't."

"You don't eat if Chris isn't home?" Carlos frowned. He hoped he'd misunderstood; the idea of Leon starving himself for whatever reason…

"Don't know why I'd want to when I'm never hungry and Chris isn't around to tell me he's worrying."

"You gotta be eatin' something, Leon," Carlos reminded gently. "You can't go weeks without eatin', even if you are some badass government agent."

Leon shrugged again.

Carlos let his gaze wander over Leon's body. He was thin; he definitely wasn't eating, or at least not as much as he needed to be. He was pale, and Carlos was realising it probably wasn't entirely because of his alcoholism.

Carlos tried to remain calm. "When you know you need to eat somethin', what do you do?"

"Order takeout and eat enough until I stop feeling so sick." Leon sighed. "Sometimes when Chris calls, he makes sure I eat while he talks to me. He says it makes him feel better to know I've got something inside my stomach while he isn't there to cook for me."

Carlos was deeply confused about the dynamics between Leon and Chris's relationship, but the more he was starting to learn, the more he realised, he probably didn't want to know.

But Leon…

Something was up with Leon, and Carlos was glad he'd elected to stay with him.  

Chapter Text

Carlos didn't recognise the number trying to call his phone. He almost ignored it until he remembered Jill telling him she'd given his number to Chris. He tentatively answered the call, wary of anyone else on the other line. "Hello?"

"Carlos?" Carlos relaxed as he recognised Chris's voice; he'd met him enough times to know. "Jill gave me your number. Is this a bad time?"

"Nah, it's fine." Carlos balanced his work laptop on his knee and held his phone to his ear with his shoulder. He tried to divide his attention between the report he'd been writing and Chris. "What's up?"

"Do you know if Leon's turned his phone off? It won't ring." The concern was thick in Chris' voice. Carlos wondered how their relationship had survived this long if Chris was always rife with worry for his boyfriend.

"I dunno." Carlos put his laptop aside on the sofa and stood up. "I haven't seen his phone. Maybe the battery's died."

"You're still there with him, right?" Chris gave a sigh of relief at Carlos's affirmative hum. "Okay. Good stuff. Can you ask him where it is? He's broken phones before so I need to know what he's doing."

Carlos looked over at the sofa across from him. He could see Leon curled up beneath the thick blanket, only tufts of his hair poking out from beneath it. "He's sleepin'. You want me to wake him up?"

"No, let him rest. Can you see if you can find his phone anywhere?"

"Sure." Carlos moved quietly, trying not to disturb Leon – though he'd drank so much, he wasn't sure even an earthquake would disturb his sleep by this point.

He searched the living room and the kitchen, but no phone turned up. Chris asked him to search the bedroom, so he did so. He pushed the door open, and immediately, he saw what he assumed was Leon's phone on the bedside drawers. He walked in and picked it up, seeing no visible signs to suggest Leon had broken it.

"It's here. I think it just needs to be charged," Carlos assured. He turned to leave the room, but before he could, splashes of blood smeared deep into the carpets caught his attention. He hoped he was imagining things as he did a double take. "Whoa, man, you know there's blood in your carpet?"

Chris' breath caught on the other end of the line. He sounded so small, and Carlos couldn't help but wonder how it was possible for someone as big and strong and fearless as Chris Redfield to sound so vulnerable. "Is it fresh…?"

Carlos knelt to touch it. He let out a sigh of relief when he determined it had been there for a long time by now. "Nah, man; it's old."

The breath of relief Chris made set alarm bells off in his head; if Chris knew about the stain, why was it there…? "It's okay, then. I know about it. Sorry… I couldn't get it out when I was still fresh."

"Don't be sorry; it's your bedroom," Carlos assured. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious about what had happened, but he knew better than to go poking his nose in on things like that. "Just as long as everyone's all good."

"Yeah. Yeah, we're all good." There was something in Chris's tone that suggested to Carlos he didn't entirely believe his own words, but Carlos didn't pry; if Chris wanted him to know, he'd tell him. "Can you just… Make sure he charges his phone tomorrow, please."

"'Course, man; it's no problem." Carlos closed the bedroom door quietly behind him and returned to the living room.

"If it's okay with you, can you spend the night with him?" Chris sounded uncertain asking the question at all. "I mean – just so he has someone there with him. That's all."

"Is he really that bad?"

Chris was silent for all of four seconds before he murmured, "I just worry about him when I'm not there with him…"

Carlos felt bad. He didn't know Leon's story, or why everyone seemed to be dancing on eggshells with the idea of him being left alone.

But, he had to remember, he didn't know. And that was why he agreed; if he were to leave and something happened to Leon… "Sure thing, Chris. He's asleep on the sofa; I brought him out a blanket earlier so he's doin' fine now."

"Thank you so much." Chris sounded so ecstatic, Carlos felt sorry for him; if his entire life was fighting bioterrorism and then worrying about Leon on the side… "You can sleep in our room if you want; I'll tell Leon tomorrow I said it was okay."

"Shouldn't I move him into bed at some point?"

"Oh. Oh no. He doesn't go in there without me. He'd probably wake up in a panic if you tried. He's fine on the sofa; just leave a light on for him in case he wakes up."

"Alright; you're the boss." Carlos definitely wasn't sure he'd ever understand, but if Leon needed someone, he was there.

He just hoped that tomorrow Leon would wake up in a more sociable mood.

***

Although Carlos had been out of the field for years now, he'd never been able to kick his mental alertness even during sleep. He snapped awake at a sudden snuffling coming from across the room.

He raised his head from the pillow he'd borrowed from the bedroom and blinked blearily at Leon. The kitchen light was on, illuminating the mess of blankets just enough for Carlos to make out the twitching beneath them.

"Leon…?" Carlos sat up and rubbed his eyes. "You good?"

Leon gave no response. He snuffled again, and this time, a whimper accompanied. The bottom of his blankets twitched, and Carlos recognised it as a violent leg jerk. He groaned, and Carlos wondered if he should wake him up or not.

"Leon…" Carlos stood. He approached Leon, trying to decide the best thing for him to do; if he was slipping into nightmares, should he wake him? Or would he rather stay asleep rather than be faced with a reality he'd never escape either way? "Shit, man, I'm sorry; no one told me you have nightmares."

Carlos had no idea what Leon could be dreaming about, but when Leon's entire body jerked violently, and a terrified scream ripped from his throat, he realised he didn't want to know.

Leon's body twisted and writhed like he was trying to escape some unseen enemy. He kicked his blanket to the ground, and Carlos saw firsthand the tears that were spilling down his cheeks. He screams were never ending, and Carlos almost thought they were haunting, like he could feel the trauma Leon had suffered resonating through them.

"Leon! Hey!" Carlos couldn't let Leon stay like it. He couldn't. "Leon! Leon, wake up! It's okay! Leon!"

Leon's eyes snapped open, and he sat up so quickly, he almost headbutted Carlos. His chest and shoulders heaved as he hyperventilated, and he bit into his hand so hard, blood spilled down his chin and dripped from his hand.

"Jesus, Leon…" Carlos's first instinct was to touch, offer him all the comfort he was capable of, but Leon's eyes were so wide, so faraway, Carlos feared touching him would only trigger something violent. "Leon, what's wrong?"

Leon squeezed his eyes shut tight, but the tears still slipped past. He swung his legs over the edge of the sofa, pressing the bottoms of his feet hard into the floor. He shook his head. His breathing was erratic, and he could barely get a word past his hyperventilating. "I need to call Chris."

Carlos didn't hesitate to give him his phone, despite it being near four am; he was truly worried for Leon, and if calling Chris was what he needed, Carlos would never deny him.

Carlos went back to his own sofa. He didn't lay down; he only watched. Leon hyperventilated as he held the phone to his ear, and Carlos could pinpoint the exact moment Chris answered the phone, because Leon's expression twisted with hope, and a sharp intake of his breath was subtle, but there.

Leon never spoke, but Carlos assumed Chris was talking to him because Leon didn't take long to visibly calm. He laid down on his side, the phone pressed between his ear and the sofa cushions. His breathing was still harsh, but he didn't look so wild, so on edge and ready to fight the tiniest threat.

Carlos paid careful attention, wondering what exactly it was that Chris was saying to him, but still, Leon stayed silent, his breathing the only indication that he was still on the other line.

And when Leon battled his eyes slipping closed until he could fight no longer, Carlos laid down on his own sofa. He folded his arms across his chest and laid on his back, closing his eyes and letting himself drift into a light sleep; if Leon were to reawaken, he'd be there for him – but he'd definitely need to make a mental note to ask Chris or Jill what to do in times like this, because seeing Leon like that…

Leon wasn't well, and Carlos needed to know how to help him.

Chapter Text

Carlos woke up to Leon slipping off the sofa. He cracked his eyelid open and watched him stand. He held his blankets over his shoulders, hooded over his head, and stared at Carlos' phone in his hand. He looked up, like something had snapped him out of a trance, and met Carlos's eyes. "Your phone is ringing."

Carlos stretched his shoulder blades with a grunt. "Yeah? Who is it?"

"It's a number." Leon moved far too gracefully towards Carlos for someone who had been drinking themselves into a coma the night before. He held his hand out and returned the phone. "It woke me up. I thought it was Chris calling."

Carlos took the phone. He didn't comment on how much more sociable Leon seemed to be; he was sure that if he did, it would only bring the grumpiness back. He groaned loudly as he recognised the number. "It's work. I have to take this."

Leon nodded. He kept his blanket around him and disappeared through the kitchen doorway. Carlos answered the call, but he didn't entertain it for long; he gave updates to his boss and left it at that; the smell of coffee wafting from the kitchen was far more interesting.

Carlos slipped his phone in his pocket and went to join Leon in the kitchen. He hummed approvingly at the coffee Leon was pouring into a mug. "Good to see you drinkin' something other than whiskey."

Leon shrugged. "Need that morning coffee to start my brooding off right."

Carlos laughed. He took a seat at the table. "Man, I really hope you don't always drink like that."

"Got nothing better to do with my time when Chris isn't here." Leon stirred the sugar into his coffee and stood by the counter drinking it. "What, you want me to just sit around jerking off instead? After a while it hurts."

"Wha – No, I –" Carlos was flabbergasted. If he wasn't used to the sexual talk from his time as a guerrilla, his face may have just flushed from embarrassment.

"What? We're both men." Leon put his mug down on the bench and moved to sit on the chair opposite Carlos. "I bet you've jerked off out of boredom plenty of times before."

"Leon, you have a boyfriend," Carlos reminded. "I really doubt Chris would be happy with you talking to me about your sexual habits."

"He's had years to get used to it; not like I'm taking you into our room and showing you my sex toys."

It surprised Carlos to feel his dick twitch in interest; Leon and sex toys…? Well, Leon was rather pretty, he realised, but –

Carlos wasn't a home-wrecker, and he would not start with Leon.

"Leon, I think we should cut the conversation short." Carlos wondered if he should tell Chris about this, or let it go; it wasn't like he was taking Leon's advances. "I'm not comfortable hearin' it from someone who's in a relationship."

Leon shrugged again, so nonchalantly, Carlos cringed at what was going to spill from his mouth next. "We've had threesomes before; not like he's entirely against the idea of other people fucking me."

"Leon, stop." Carlos hoped he was stern enough. "I'm not gettin' involved in a conversation like this behind your boyfriend's back. I'm sorry, but I'm not encouraging you to cheat on him."

Leon rested his elbow on the table and dropped his chin in his palm. His spidery fingers stroked his lips as he watched Carlos curiously. "I never said I wanted to cheat on him. I just said I have sex toys and threesomes with my boyfriend. You're the one whose brain is going to cheating."

"I know, but I still don't think it's right for you to be tellin' me these things -  I only met you yesterday, and I hardly know Chris." Carlos sighed. "I'm not… I'm not here to betray anyone's trust; I'm here 'cause my friend asked me to make sure you're alright."

Leon went silent for so long, Carlos thought he might have realised he was overstepping boundaries. And then, he asked so seriously, Carlos felt uncomfortable. "You sleep with Jill sometimes, right?"

"I do… But, Leon, I –"

"- It's not so different." Leon took on a stoic expression, but Carlos could see the tension in his body. "You two sleep together because otherwise it's overwhelming. Right? The need to forget, but unable to forget, no matter how hard you try. It's with you forever. And sometimes you need a distraction. But drugs and alcohol and all that shit… It only gets you so far."

Carlos let his guard down. He reached out towards Leon, frowning; was Leon okay…? His murmur was concerned. "What are you talkin' about, Leon…?"

Leon shrugged. He was lightning fast as he snatched an unopened bottle of whiskey from between them. "Raccoon City. All the shit that came after it. Ever heard of Los Iluminados?" 

"No. What's that?"

"Some cult I took down first hand." Leon twisted the cap off the whiskey bottle and took a long gulp. Carlos wanted to reach out and take it from him, but he didn't; if Leon was finally opening up, he didn't want to compromise his trust. He pulled the bottle from his mouth and slammed it down on the table. "Yeah. They almost got me a few times. They even shoved a plagas down my throat. It's gone now, but… What if the next time it's there to stay?"

Carlos wasn't entirely following. "You mean like the virus from Raccoon?"

"Sorta. It's a parasite." Leon took another gulp. "It was eating me from the inside out. Like I said; it's gone now, but luck's gotta run out eventually, right? We can only keep winning for so long. Every time they send me into the field, I don't make plans to come back."

Carlos opened his mouth to respond, to comfort Leon and assure him that everyone wanted him to make it back, but Leon continued.

Leon's hand clenched on the table, and he sounded so bitter, Carlos felt his heart hurt. "But I keep coming back anyway."

"It's not –"

"- You and Jill sleep together because there are things from your past that are hard to deal with." Leon glared down at his bottle like it caused all his problems. "I drink and I fuck away my problems. What's so wrong with that? There are worse things I've done to myself."  

"Have you spoken to a therapist?"

Leon's laugh was so bitter, Carlos wanted to hug him tight. "Yeah. Like I can really walk into a therapist's office and tell them all the shit. The therapist would need a therapist."

"That's not true, Leon; the world is becoming aware, and –"

"- I'm with the DSO, okay?" Leon snapped. "I can't exactly stroll in wherever and start spilling state secrets."

"Surely the DSO have a therapist they can supply?"

"Yeah – and never be let on the field again because I'll be deemed a risk to myself." Leon finished the last of the whiskey in one sitting. "Not that I ever wanted to be an agent. But it was me or Sherry, and Sherry was just a kid. When we got out of Raccoon, I swore I'd never fight again. Yet here we are. My life just fucking hates me."

For the first time, Carlos realised the tiredness in Leon's eyes. It was painful just how much he could relate; he'd spent years prior to Raccoon wanting out of the fighting, and to know that Leon was still stuck in it…

"Why do you think the nightmares are so bad?" Leon scowled. "'Cause it's all shit I never signed up for willingly. And you don't have to hold back; people have already called me a broken man. …And maybe… They're right."

"You're not broken, Leon," Carlos comforted. "You've just been through some heavy shit."

"What would you know? You don't know me." Leon banged his fist on the table. "Chris tells me the same thing and I hate him for it!"

"Leon, whoa." Carlos raised his hands in front of him to calm him. "It's okay. I didn't mean to offend you. It's okay."  

Leon's glare didn't soften. "No one bats an eyelid when Chris smokes two packs a day, but if I even look at the whiskey, oh no, Leon, don't do that; it's not good for you to drink so much."

"Leon, you are drinkin' far too much; it can't be healthy for you." Carlos sighed at the vicious glare Leon responded with. "I just… No, you're right. I shouldn't be lecturin' you like you're a child. We don't know each other. I'm sorry… I'm not Chris or Jill, and I wasn't tryin' ta be."

"Good." Leon reached for another whiskey bottle. "'Cause Chris would kick your ass if you tried it."

Carlos wanted to say something about the alcohol. He glanced at his wristwatch and saw it was barely eight am. He shook his head and withheld a sigh; if Leon had been trying to tell him he was struggling, he didn't know how far he could go to help without overstepping boundaries.

But as Carlos sat and watched Leon drink, he became more and more aware of the emptiness in his eyes, yet how much agony he seemed to hide at the same time.

And Carlos… wished he knew what he could do to help.

***

"You mind if I use your shower?" Carlos could never forgo a morning shower, and now was no exception.

From where he laid on the sofa, Leon shrugged. His fifth whiskey bottle was in his hand. "I don't give a shit."

Carlos took his phone from the sofa cushion beside him. "Alright. Knock on the door if you need anythin'."

Leon ignored him. Carlos let him be and made his way to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and stripped out of his clothes, folding them neatly and resting them on the basin. He dragged his fingers tiredly through his hair as he twisted the shower knobs, trying to find the right temperature.

He stepped in beneath the hot stream, groaning at how nice it felt against his forever-aching muscles. He turned around and pressed one hand against the shower wall, leaning his weight into it. He wondered if he could get away with giving himself a quickie; he didn't know how soundproof the bathroom was, and if Leon heard him…

He tentatively wrapped his hand around the base, giving it an experimental stroke. He bit his lip to keep silent, and to his relief, it worked; he wasn't used to having to be quiet.

He stroked his hand up to the tip, rubbing his thumb over the head. It had been a while for him; Jill had been busy, and Carlos hadn't found much time for this himself. His hips bucked forward, and a hiss escaped him. He bit on his lip again and dragged his hand back to the base.

He tried to think about Jill and their trysts together, and while it was good, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering back to his conversation with Leon earlier; did he really have sex toys? Did he use them on himself, or did Chris like to fuck him with them? Did Chris fuck him nice and slow, or did the bed rock violently beneath them? Chris was a big guy; Carlos could imagine how hard he could take Leon if he wanted to.

Carlos's hand moved quickly along himself. Part of him felt guilty for fantasising about them, but if Chris and Leon had had threesomes before…

Carlos bit back a groan. It must have been a sight to behold, and Carlos would have enjoyed an invitation. He tried not to think about how Chris felt seeing his boyfriend with another man – he'd only ever had the impression Chris wouldn't share, so he tried not to wonder just how happy he'd been – and instead focused on how Leon had surely enjoyed the attention of his boyfriend and someone else, pleasuring him and bringing him to orgasm.

And just how pretty was Leon when he orgasmed? Carlos couldn't deny he'd like to know.

His hips jutted forward in his hand. His legs quivered as he spilled into his palm. He took deep breaths to try and steady himself, hoping he hadn't been too loud – but from the way Leon had been talking earlier, he probably wouldn't care.

Carlos cleaned himself off before he sighed. He shouldn't have done that. He should have just kept himself focused on Jill rather than thinking about someone else's boyfriend – especially someone who seemed to be in such a vulnerable state. He shouldn't have let his thoughts stray; Leon didn't deserve to be treated like a sex object.

He reached for the first shampoo bottle he saw and tipped some into his hair. He scrubbed it in, and just as he'd washed it out, his phone rang from the basin. He left the shower running as he stepped out to wrap a towel around himself and see who it was. He answered the call immediately when he recognised Chris's number – and hearing his voice made the guilt settle in so much more.

"Hey, man." Carlos wondered if he should be upfront with Chris and explain what he'd done – but if he were to do that, it would probably only stress Chris out more, right? He kept quiet. "Everythin' good?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Leon's charged his phone." There was relief in Chris's tone, and Carlos didn't have the heart to ruin it. "He hasn't been drinking, has he? He sounded tipsy when I was talking to him."

Carlos decided he owed it to Chris to be honest after what he'd just done. "If I say yes, you're not gonna go rip into him, are you? I told him I wouldn't say anythin' if he let me clean up 'cause the apartment was trashed. I was kinda hopin' to get him to trust me."

Chris made a strangled sound. Carlos wondered if he'd done the right thing. His tone was strained, and Carlos wondered just how much stress he was holding back. "He knows he's not supposed to be drinking! I knew he was going to pull another stunt like this if I left him alone!"

"Stunt? What stunt?"

"A fucking stunt where he drinks himself into alcohol poisoning and then tries to kill himself in our fucking bedroom!" Carlos didn't mistake the tears in Chris's voice. Immediately, he felt like the worst person for everything that had happened since he'd knocked on the front door. "Take that shit off him and throw it out! I've told him to cut the shit and he never fucking listens!"

"Chris, hold on a minute." Carlos reached into the shower to turn the taps off; after everything he'd already done, he didn't want to waste their water as well. "I'm a stranger to him; I dunno that I have the right to come into his home and take things off him. I want to, but –"

"- You have my permission to go into his home and take shit off him, Carlos," Chris growled. "Even if you have to hold him down and wrestle him for it, I don't care as long as it's gone. He shouldn't have it, Carlos; I don't want to come home again and find him on the floor the way I did last time I thought he'd be okay with some drinks while I was away."

"Shit…" It still didn't sit right in Carlos's stomach, but if it was what Chris wanted… "He's not gonna come up behind me and stab me for it, is he?"

"You'll get bark, but no bite," Chris promised. "He's a fucking pain in my ass, I swear… Maybe I should come home."

"Nah, man; they need you. I got him." Carlos wondered if he should tell Chris about the sexual talk that morning, but he decided against it; Chris sounded upset enough as it was without making things potentially worse. "Just… Should I call you if something's happening?"

"Yeah. Yeah, call me so I can shred him a new one." Chris moved the phone away from his ear to speak to someone in the background. "Carlos, I have to go; Piers needs me."

"Go on, man. Do what you gotta. I got Leon for you." Carlos ended the call. He took a deep breath. He'd been a guerrilla for years, and he'd punched zombies and ugly green bastards in the face, but none of that seemed quite as terrifying as the thought of trying to take Leon's whiskey away from him.

But Carlos was a man of his word, and if he'd told Chris he'd do it, he'd face Leon's irate glare a thousand times over.  

Chapter Text

Carlos decided the best course of action was to empty the whiskey bottles in the kitchen down the drain without telling Leon. He felt bad, but if it was as important to do so as it had sounded…

He left the empty bottles on the table and stepped into the living room doorway. He cleared his throat and tore his gaze away from the sight of Leon's hand in his pants, moving in a rhythm far too familiar for Carlos to ignore.

"Umm, Leon…?" Carlos made sure not to look; he liked to think he had more class than to watch someone else's boyfriend get themselves off – even if he had let his mind slip to said boyfriend while he was getting himself off…

Carlos shook his head to clear his mind; he couldn't, no matter how tempting it was…

Leon ignored Carlos. Soft murmurs of Chris's name fell from his lips as his hand moved faster. His hips rocked gently into his touch, and when a soft cry escaped his lips, Carlos knew he'd orgasmed. He couldn't stop himself from peeking to glimpse Leon's expression, the softest he'd seen it.

Carlos hoped his fatigues hid his own arousal. He tried not to linger lest it draw too much attention to himself. He closed the distance between them and reached for the half-empty whiskey bottle clutched in Leon's free hand.

"Can I take this?" Carlos tugged lightly at the bottle, hoping it wouldn't agitate Leon.

Leon hummed placidly and let the bottle slip through his fingers. He sighed contently and closed his eyes. Carlos felt more arousal build at how calm orgasms seemed to make him; did Chris like to calm him down that way? Or did – he had to stop thinking about what they did together; it wasn't any of his business.

But… If Chris could placate Leon like that, no wonder Chris allowed the threesomes to happen.

"Thanks." Carlos took a step back, not wanting to risk ruining Leon's good mood. "You feelin' okay?"

"Mhm." Leon wiped sweat from his eyes. Carlos tried not to think about how one hand was still in his pants, and from the slight movement he could make out, his fingers may have dipped even lower now. He cracked open an eyelid to gaze lazily at Carlos. He was panting lightly, and Carlos tried not to think about how gorgeous he looked like this. "I need Chris. I need him to hold me down and fuck me real good."

Carlos raised his hand to his mouth. He bit hard into it, trying to distract himself from all the blood rushing south. He pulled his hand away to give his sternest tone. "Leon, if you don't stop this, I'm gonna call Chris and tell him what's happenin'. It's not fair to him you're doin' this behind his back, man; he loves you."

Leon shrugged. "And I'm horny."

"Then I can leave you be so you can do somethin' 'bout it in private, but seriously, man, you gotta stop involving me in your personal life; I'm not Chris or anyone you two have had a threesome with."

Leon rolled himself slowly onto his side to blink blearily at Carlos. His tone was calm, the softest he'd heard from him since his arrival. "What if I call Chris and get his permission?"

"Get his permission…?" The offer was tempting, and Carlos felt his dick twitch again. But as quickly as the desire had come on, he shook it away; it wasn't right of him to entertain such things, and he needed to stop it. "Leon, I'm not your boyfriend!"

Leon closed his eyes and ignored him again. A soft sound escaped him, and Carlos was no fool; he knew Leon had pushed a finger or two inside of himself and was pressing something very nice in there.

"Christ!" Carlos backpedalled. He hurried out of the kitchen, leaving Leon to his privacy. He dragged his fingers through his hair and pretended he didn't have a massive bulge straining at his fatigues. He took a few deep breaths, battling his mind to not entertain the persistent thoughts, but the noises drifting in through the doorway…

Carlos busied himself with draining the last of the whiskey down the basin before he grabbed his phone and dialled for Jill.

Part of him felt he should at least explain himself to her so she could tell him what an asshole he was being in getting off to her friend's boyfriend – but he couldn't bring himself to do so; he knew it was wrong, but he was turning down the advances; that had to count for something, right…?

"Is he better today?" Jill didn't hesitate to ask.

Carlos frowned at the question. "He… He's calmer, I guess? He, umm… He's on the sofa; it's, uh, it's happy time for him, I guess."

Jill laughed heartily. "Happy time? Chris really wasn't kidding, then. Apparently he calms right down for a while after he's done, so there's that, at least."

Carlos cleared the throat. "Yeah, but he was doin' it right in front of me, Jill. Like he didn't care that it was me and not Chris or somethin'. What if I was a bad person, and I took advantage of him for it?"

"Carlos, you're not a bad person," Jill promised. "And Leon probably recognises that, too, because normally if Chris has guests over, Leon hides away until they leave. I'm not saying it's fine for him to be doing that on the sofa, but that he let you in the apartment at all… Carlos, there's only three people Chris invites over that Leon trusts enough to not hide himself away, and apart from me, the other one is Chris's sister who was with Leon in Raccoon. You're not a bad person, Carlos; don't talk about yourself like you are."

"I'm just sayin', Jill…" Carlos frowned. "He shouldn't… He's Chris's boyfriend; not mine."

"It's just what Leon's like, though." Jill lowered her voice. "He's really messed up in the head from everything that's happened. He can keep his calm on the field but as soon as he comes home, it's like he crumbles. The alcohol doesn't help him, and sometimes, he just gets so bad, he… I really shouldn't tell you this, but if I do, promise you won't repeat it to anyone?"

"Promise, Jill."

"He tried to kill himself before. It's why Chris was so worried about him. Leon seemed fine whenever Chris would call him when he was out on a job; he just seemed like he'd been drinking more than usual. Chris tells him he was going to be home later than they thought, a week or two late. Leon wasn't happy at all. Turns out it was three weeks, and by then, Leon stopped answering his phone calls." Jill took a deep breath. "…By the time he got home, he… I think it deeply affected Chris, as well. Like some sort of trauma that hit differently to the field. It hit him hard, Carlos. Neither of them have quite been the same ever since Chris took that mission."

"Jill, I really don't wanna be over here betrayin' Chris's trust in me," Carlos confided. "He's trustin' that I'm here to keep his boyfriend safe, and Leon's… He's not making this easy on me, Jill."

"You're not betraying Chris's trust," Jill promised. "Leon's a flirt, and Chris is well aware of that. But I really doubt Leon would take things too far; he loves Chris."

"Jerkin' himself off on the sofa is too far, Jill," Carlos deadpanned.

Jill was silent for a moment. Carlos wondered if she was pondering his words. When she replied, her tone was much softer, almost careful to a degree. "Carlos. Look, I don't have the answers for you, but… I don't know; Leon's gone a little weird since he tried to kill himself. But I really don't think he'd go so far, he'd try to get physical with you. He's a lot of things, but he's not a bad person. Just… Just try not to take it personally, alright? He probably really misses Chris."

Carlos knew he shouldn't have dumped it on Jill; Leon wasn't her boyfriend, and he shouldn't have expected her to know what to do about it. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Thanks, Supercop. I'll talk to ya later."

"Bye, Carlos."

Carlos slipped his phone back into his pocket. He looked around the kitchen, wondering if he should poke his head through the doorway and see if Leon had… finished. He tried to swallow past the lump in his throat and pretend it wasn't an uncomfortable strain against his boxers.

He took a deep breath and tiptoed to the doorway. He peered into the living room, encouraged by the silence, and looked at the sofa. Leon was fast asleep, sprawled out on his back with one arm hanging towards the floor, and the other across his stomach. He looked peaceful, much more peaceful than Carlos had seen him.

Carlos crept into the room and covered him with the blanket he'd kicked onto the floor earlier. He walked back out, returning to the kitchen to make himself a coffee and sit at the table with his laptop for a while. He hoped Leon would sleep and wake up in a better mood – but with all the whiskey gone, Carlos might find himself on the receiving end of a knife or two.

***

Carlos's attention was ripped away from his work at the vomiting coming from the living room. He closed the lid of his laptop and stood up to assess the situation.

Leon was on his side, dangling over the edge of the sofa and vomiting his guts up. Carlos moved to help him. "You alright, Leon? Can I get you anything?"

Leon vomited for a few more minutes before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shook his head. He laid on his back again and stared up at the roof, looking dazed more than anything.

"Too much whiskey," Carlos murmured. "I'll get you some water."

Carlos turned around to leave again, but he stopped when he felt Leon reach for his wrist and tug him back. Leon's whisper was so tiny, Carlos felt his heart break. "Please, stay…"

Carlos didn't hesitate to obey. He sat on the arm of the sofa. "I'm here, Leon. You doin' alright?"

Leon didn't respond for so long, Carlos thought he was ignoring him. And then, with unfocused eyes, he looked at him. "It was like I was there again."

"What do you mean?"

Leon squeezed his eyes shut. He tremored. His whisper was so agonised, Carlos doubted if he should be the one he opened up to. "They sent me out on a job. Should have been a simple rescue, but… They had B.O.Ws that intelligence hadn't been aware of. I saved everyone, except for a little girl. She couldn't have been more than six."

"Leon…"

"I should have been able to protect her. I could have saved her. But I wasn't good enough. I shot a licker down that would have taken me out, and I wasn't enough to stop a zombie from grabbing her. I'll never… I'll never forget her mother's screams. Having to shoot her daughter in front of her." Leon's hands clenched by his sides. "Maybe I deserved everything she said to me. I wasn't enough then, and I'm not enough now."

Carlos felt tears well in his eyes. He rubbed them away before he whispered, "Does Chris know about this?"

Leon shook his head. "Why would I tell him? He puts up with enough shit from me; he doesn't have to be reminded I'm not good enough."

"Leon, I know I don't really know you or Chris, but from what I've heard him say about you, he could never think you're not good enough," Carlos assured. "He talks about you like you're his everythin', man. I'm sure he'd understand if you told him about somethin' like this."

"I don't want to tell him; I don't want to hear him tell me it's okay when it's not." Leon's hands shot up to scratch at his face. Carlos reached out to pull his hands away, but Leon lowered them himself. Carlos couldn't help but worry at the tears glimmering in his eyes. "It's not okay, Carlos! I'm so tired, and Chris knows that – but he refuses to see how I just drag him down with me! I hate him for it! He deserves better!"

"He doesn't want 'better'; he wants you, Leon," Carlos whispered. "You're clearly enough for him; he's still here, isn't he?"

"For how long?" The bitterness in his tone sounded like it was eating him alive. "He's already threatened to leave me if I don't cut the shit."

"Well…" Carlos hesitantly moved closer, hoping he would not make things worse, "…do you want him to go, or do you want him to stay with you?"

"I don't fucking deserve him, Carlos," Leon muttered. "He deserves better than me and I want him to hate me and go find someone else who can be what he deserves, but I'm so fucking pathetic the thought of him leaving me makes me want to die."

Carlos didn't want to lie to Leon. He didn't want to hurt him, or let him feel like his trust had been betrayed. He brushed hair from his eyes and frowned. "Leon… Listen. Chris called me earlier, and I promise I didn't tell him you were drinkin' – he said he knew you were tipsy. He… I emptied all your whiskey down the  drain 'cause he asked me to get rid of it."

Leon's jaw went taut, and Carlos raised his hands in front of him as he growled, "Asshole…"

"I'm not takin' anyone's sides, Leon," Carlos promised. "I'm not here to do that. I'm here 'cause people are worried 'bout ya, Leon – and Chris is your boyfriend; if he was that worried… I'm sorry if you feel like I've betrayed you, but I care about you, too."

Leon scowled. "Why would you give a shit about me? You don't know me."

"I care about you 'cause you're human," Carlos murmured. "I'm not gonna just leave you 'lone like you're some… some… I'm not good at walking past living beings in need of help. Just ask Jill; I'm forever bringin' her cats off the streets."

Leon's scowl deepened. "Maybe you should start. I'm not worth your efforts. I'm not worth anyone's efforts."

"You're worth all my efforts, Leon." Carlos reached for Leon's shoulder. He pulled his hand back when he was met with a growl. "Whatever you think of yourself, just know that no bad person – no monster – would be this concerned with not being able to save everyone."

Leon didn't respond. He glared hatefully, and Carlos got the hint that perhaps he'd hit a little too close to a nerve.

"I'm gonna clean this up now," Carlos murmured. He gestured to the vomit by the sofa. "I'll bring you some water. You don't have to drink it, but I'd feel better you havin' it there with you."

Leon mumbled something under his breath, but he didn't fight. Carlos left, wondering where to begin; if Chris had put up with this for so long, he had nothing but respect for the man.

***

Carlos woke again that night to Leon's tear-filled whispers. He cracked his eyelid open and glanced at the sofa. The kitchen light illuminated Leon, curled up on his side and holding his phone to his ear with a trembling hand. Carlos could see how violently his shoulders were shaking, and he wondered just how much emotion Leon was trying to fight back.

"Please, Chris…" Leon sounded heartbroken, like he'd seen his puppy murdered in front of him. "Please… I nee – want you to come back…"

Carlos closed his eye again and pretended he was still asleep. He knew he shouldn't listen, but it was hard not to when they were so close together.

"But, Chris…" Leon sniffed loudly, "…I miss you…!"

Carlos felt tears well in his eyes at how desperate Leon sounded, like there was nothing he wouldn't do to have Chris back with him.

"Chris…" Leon's tone was strangled now. "Chris, I-I… At least let me have the whiskey back. …Please…! Chris, you don't fucking get it! I'm… I'm… I need it…"

Carlos wished he knew what Chris was saying; he wondered if he was angry, upset, or doing his best to comfort Leon with what little he had to work with.

"Chris…" A keen escaped Leon. He choked on a sob. "Chris, I… I hurt myself again today…"

Carlos's heart stopped. Leon had… He'd hurt himself? But when? Carlos hadn't seen him leave the sofa since he'd vomited.

"He doesn't know," Leon whispered. "He was in the kitchen. Please, just… Just come back…"

Carlos felt a tear escape as Leon burst into tears he couldn't restrain.

"Okay…" Leon sounded so broken, Carlos wanted to wrap him up in his arms and never let him go again. "Okay… I love you, too, Chris…"

Leon seemed to end the call, because he stopped whispering, and instead, Carlos heard him drag the blanket up over his head as he sobbed.

And Carlos… wasn't sure he'd felt so helpless before.

Chapter Text

Carlos really hoped he wasn't overstepping boundaries. "Hey, man… You gonna have a shower today?"

Leon cracked open an eyelid lazily. He shrugged. "Don't feel like it."

Carlos didn't want to be mean, but Leon desperately needed a shower; just the sight of him alone… "Is there a reason for that, Leon?"

Leon shrugged again. He closed his eyes and curled tighter into a ball, pulling his blanket higher up his trembling body. "Too much effort. Not enough energy. Not like I'm going anywhere so what's the point?"

Carlos didn't understand very well. He'd suffered depression-like states in his past, but they'd never lingered for more than a few days – but to not even have the energy to take care of himself? Carlos couldn't say he'd experienced it that badly. "What exactly… makes it feel like too much effort?"

"Moving from here. Getting up. Walking. Turning shower taps. Checking water temperature. Fucking standing there, Carlos," Leon growled. "The whole fucking package. And if I shower, that means getting clothes from my room, and I don't go in there without Chris."

Carlos hummed thoughtfully. "Alright, then. I think I could help with some of it. What if I got your clothes from your room? I promise I won't go in there without yours or Chris's permission, but I can bring you out a pile and leave them here for you."

Leon groaned. For a moment, Carlos thought he was in pain. "Thanks, mum. I can get my own damn clothes…"

"If you don't have the energy, I'm happy to get them for you," Carlos assured. "Really. I don't mind."

Leon sighed. "That isn't going to change the fact that I can't be assed getting up and showering at all…"

"I can turn the shower on for you and get it warm. Hell, I'll even carry ya if that's what you need. I just… I think it would be good for you if you have a shower."

"Yeah, and see how fucked up my body is… No thanks."

"Leon…" Carlos rubbed at his face; Leon sure was stubborn, and if this was what Chris dealt with every day, he had massive respect for him. "Leon, when I'm sad, sometimes I just want to sit alone with my thoughts, too. I can't say it's hard for me to get up and do things, but I definitely get just wantin' to curl up in bed and sleep the days away."

Leon sneered, but he didn't say anything.

"I just…" Carlos dragged his fingers through his hair. "I just… The problem I find is that if I give in, and I do stay in bed, it makes me feel worse. I don't know if that's a problem you're havin', or if it helps you to stay on the sofa, but… I know for myself, havin' a shower is really therapeutic. If I'm not havin' a good day, I go down to the gym and I come back a new man. Have you tried doin' things like that before?"

Leon shook his head. "You're sounding more and more like Chris; he's always at the gym when he's home. He keeps trying to drag me along with him, but fuck that; just need a bottle of whiskey and my vibrator and I'm good."

"There's more to life than just whiskey and, uh…" Carlos moved closer, hoping it would offer comfort. "I guess you got dragged into the shit when you were young, too. 'Cause I know up until Raccoon, fightin' had been my entire life. After Raccoon, I learned there was a whole other world out there, and it… To be honest, it was almost overwhelmin'. Jill helped me learn more about myself and who I am, and if it wasn't for her, I dunno; I could have been doin' the exact same as you."

Leon scoffed. "Asshole."

"All I'm sayin' is, we all have lives to live, Leon," Carlos murmured. "I don't know what you and Chris do together, but… It sounds like he's tryin' to show you that, too, but you're not lettin' him. And if the fightin' is all you've come to know… I understand that so deeply, it hurts me. I missed out on most of my life 'cause I didn't know there was more to it; I really don't want to see it happen to you, too."

"Chris has his life and I have mine," Leon muttered. "Whiskey and sex. It's all I need."

"Can I ask…" Carlos knew to tread carefully here, "…is there a reason the sex helps you?"

Leon shrugged. "It clears my mind, and being so close to Chris, it's… It's…"

"It's an intimacy thing with Chris." Carlos could understand that; if Leon had been through so much in his life, having Chris so close, so intimate with him had surely become an outlet for all the bad things he went through, and probably one of the few ways he had left he felt comfortable to express himself through. "It makes you feel safe and protected by him, right? Like maybe everything is fine as long as he's holdin' you? Do you get the same kind of… euphoria, when he's away and it's just you doin' it?"

Leon snorted. "Fuck no. The toys just clear my head for a while."

"I really think…" Carlos rubbed his hands together as he pondered his next words, "…that you need to find healthier coping mechanisms. The whiskey can't be doin' you any favours, Leon – and I can say that as someone who used to drink more than I should, too. I felt so much better in so many ways when I stopped drinkin', and I'm sure you could do it, too."

"I don't want to; I want Chris to mind his own business and give the whiskey back." Carlos couldn't help but adore the way Leon folded his arms against his chest stubbornly; Chris sure was a lucky man to have such a pretty partner.

Carlos chuckled. "I can't help you with that, but my offer to get your clothing still stands. I'm sure it'll help you feel a little better."

A pout crossed Leon's face. A tiny spark crossed his eyes for all of two seconds before it disappeared. He dropped his gaze and mumbled under his breath before he growled out, "I'll do it if you bring me Chris's pillow and our blanket… He sleeps on the side closest to the door 'cause I feel safer with him in between me and it."

"Of course I will," Carlos promised. It wasn't an unreasonable compromise, and if it would help Leon feel better… "Wanna go jump in the shower and I'll bring everythin' out so it's ready when you come back?"  

Leon begrudgingly rose from the sofa. Carlos wasn't oblivious to just how physically draining it was for him; he moved like a man who'd been bedridden for months, and the exertion on his face made it look like he'd just pushed a truck uphill by himself.

Despite that, Leon left, and Carlos fulfilled his promise. He brought out a stack of clothing to last Leon for the next week, as well as Chris's pillow and their blanket. He pretended he hadn't noticed the bloodstains on the carpet; he didn't need to wonder what had happened.

He stacked the clothing neatly on the coffee table to make it easier for Leon, and after tossing the old, smelly blanket aside, he wiped down the sofa and then made the most comfortable bed he could for Leon's return.

He picked up the old blanket and Leon's sweat-damp clothing he'd dropped in the hallway. He took them to the laundry and sorted the washing, intending to put on a load or three after Leon had showered.

Carlos wasn't sure how much time had passed before Leon was calling for him, asking for a towel and his clothing. Carlos brought them to him, expecting to leave them at the door for him to grab once he'd left. Instead, Leon had left the door wide open, and Carlos froze at seeing just how damaged Leon's body was.

"Leon…" Carlos couldn't help but stare at the scarring on his chest, too precise to have been from a B.O.W, and looking more like at some point, he'd broken enough ribs to have needed surgery. The angry, raised scars around his stomach and torso reminded Carlos of those big tongued bastards he'd encountered in the R.P.D. Old marring and bruises that surely should have faded by now covered so much of his body, Carlos understood why he didn't want to see himself.

But what hurt Carlos the most was the scarring on his arms and wrists, and the insides of his thighs. Carlos had never been a self-harmer, but he'd seen enough of it in his life to recognise it.

And all Carlos could do was unfold the towel to hand him in silence before he draped his jacket over his shoulders, trying to give him a semblance of privacy.

Leon's face was wet, but Carlos couldn't tell if it was from his shower, or if he'd been crying. He sounded emotionless, empty, as he mumbled. "I don't care anymore if you see it. Chris never says it, but I'm sure he thinks I'm disgusting."

"I've heard him say directly to Jill and I that he thinks you're the most beautiful person he's ever seen," Carlos murmured. "Aside from his sister. And me, of course; can't forget me."

Leon unfolded his clothing soullessly, like it was nothing but a chore that drained him to his very core every time he did it. "Yeah? Then why haven't we had sex since I tried to kill myself? Since I started keeping my clothes on for sex, Chris has been losing interest in me."

"Leon…" Carlos forced his eyes from Leon's body. "I don't want to be mean, and I don't want you to feel like I'm tryin' to be mean… But I don't think your body and the lack of sex is any correlation. If I had a partner I loved so much and they… I feel like I'd be in a depression of my own. I know Chris loves you, but… have you stopped to think about how he's feelin' with everything? And if you're keepin' your clothes on, maybe he's backing off 'cause he thinks you're uncomfortable or somethin'. Maybe he's strugglin' to deal with it, too."

Leon shook his head. "Bullshit, Carlos…"

"For what it's worth, I think you're a very attractive man, even with all those marks," Carlos confided. "Honestly, if you were my partner, they'd only make me love you even more; they're imperfections, but they show how strong you can be. And those scars on your wrists and your thighs? They show you're still here, even when I'm sure you don't want to be – and that's something I truly respect, Leon. So please don't be so self-conscious of your body; they tell a story no one else could understand."

Leon closed his eyes and sighed. "Just… Stop being so nice to me."

Carlos wasn't sure if Leon had grown tired of trying to fight Carlos at every turn, or if he was truly starting to let him in. Either way, Carlos could only smile and back himself towards the doorway. "Sorry, no can do; I'm a nice person through and through. Just ask the ladies."

Carlos couldn't help but feel victorious at Leon's snort; if Leon was truly trusting him, could he help him? He truly hoped so.  

Chapter Text

Carlos wasn't sure why he was feeling so tired. He supposed it was probably from having been spending so much time inside with Leon; he was used to keeping busy and spending most of his spare time at the gym, so it was surely a shock to his system to have slowed down so much. He pushed his laptop away and yawned.

"Leon?" Carlos pushed his chair back and stood next to the kitchen table. He thought about making himself a coffee, but he tried to minimise just how much of Chris and Leon's food and drink he consumed – what wasn't expired, anyway. He stretched his arms above his head and yawned again before he closed the lid of his laptop and wandered toward the living room. "Leon, you awake?"

Carlos poked his head through the doorway. Leon was fast asleep, but with Chris's pillow beneath his head, and their blanket cocooned around him, he seemed almost peaceful. It must have been Chris's scent keeping him so calm, Carlos supposed.

But with Leon out to it, Carlos supposed he should probably take a nap himself.

He laid himself down on his own sofa, no pillow or blanket to call his own, but he preferred it that way; sometimes old habits die hard, and he had a lot more to keep him warm, unlike Leon.

His eyes closed, and almost like a light, he was out.

He didn't know how long he'd napped for before he awoke to a large, yet almost light, mass being thrown on top of him. He startled awake, but whatever instinct he had to throw it off wasn't enough to overpower the concern he had when he realised Leon had wrapped himself around him, trembling.

"Leon?" Carlos raised his hand to Leon's back. He stroked lightly. "Leon, you okay?"

Leon didn't respond. He looked so troubled, like if Carlos wasn't careful, he might set Leon off into a frenzy. A violent shiver wracked his body.

"Leon?" Carlos embraced him, hoping it would help. "Leon, what's the matter?"

"Please…" Leon's whisper was tiny. "Please…"

"Please, what?" Carlos wasn't following. He moved one of his hands up to stroke Leon's head. "Are you okay?"

Leon shook his head. He looked at Carlos with wide, dazed eyes, like he wasn't sure where he was or what was going on. A strangled noise escaped his lips. "Carlos, please… I need it…"

"Need what? Leon, I'm not understandin'."

"The thoughts. Thinking too much. No whiskey." Leon keened, like he was in an absolute agony. "Please… I can't… It's too much… Please, I spoke to Chris, and he said it's okay. Please, Carlos."

"Whoa, what are you talkin' 'bout?" Carlos pulled his hands away; if the conversation was going in the direction he thought it was, he…

"Chris said it's okay for us to have sex," Leon whispered. "Please, I told him, and he –"

"- Leon, whoa, hold up a minute." Carlos pushed lightly at Leon's shoulders, trying to get him up; blood was rushing south, and he had to shut this down now. "Leon, no, I can't – I'm not Chris."

Leon whined. He tried to fight Carlos pushing him away. "Piers isn't Chris, either, but Chris still lets us have sex as long as he's with us…"

"Yes – if he's with you two," Carlos reminded. "But he's not here, Leon. I'm really sorry; I'm sure you want me to help, but I can't; I'm not Chris."

"He's okay with it, Carlos; please…!" Leon did look haunted, but Carlos wasn't going to betray Chris like that; he could only imagine the devastation he would cause. "He's okay because he knows I need it…"

"I'd need to hear it from Chris himself before I can be comfortable, Leon." Carlos brushed Leon's bangs from his eyes. His heart shattered at how broken he looked, but still…

"He won't tell you, though," Leon whispered. "He won't talk about it with anyone but me. He said it's okay, so please."

"Leon…" Carlos cupped Leon's cheek in his hand. He shook his head, hoping he could make Leon understand. "Leon, I don't wanna hurt anyone. I can't –"

"- You're hurting me," Leon growled. "You don't know what's in my head, and I can't… The whiskey's gone; I have no other way to stop it."

"I can go get you your toys from your room," Carlos offered. "I can give you some privacy and you can do things yourself."

"I tried doing it myself!" Leon snapped. "It's not working!"

Carlos realized something hard was indeed pressed against his thigh. He pushed Leon back more before it could overtake his morals. "Leon, you're really puttin' me between a rock and a hard place… Look, I'll give Chris a call and –"

"- He's busy," Leon growled. "It's why he said to come to you because you'd help me."

"I want to help you, but –"

When Leon burst into tears, Carlos felt so lost. He wanted nothing more than to help Leon and make him feel better, but…

He wasn't there to overstep boundaries.

"I'll blow you!" Leon begged. He rolled himself off Carlos and knelt by the sofa. He reached for Carlos's zipper. "Please! I'll suck you off! You can come down my throat or on my face – I don't care – just please!"

"Jesus, Leon, you gotta stop." Carlos pushed Leon's hands away from his crotch. "I'm not Chris."

"I can pretend you are," Leon moaned. He looked so… so… so pitiful, and Carlos had never endured such a tough moral dilemma before.

Carlos bit his lip so hard, he felt blood dribble down his chin. He cupped Leon's face again and took a deep breath. His murmur was uncertain. "Chris is one-hundred percent okay with it?"

Leon nodded. He reached up to wipe tears from his eyes. His whisper was as broken as he looked. "He knows how bad I get, Carlos…"

Carlos hoped he was doing the right thing. He reached for Leon's shoulders and pulled him back up onto the sofa with him. He held him tight, still battling internally with himself if he should or should not.

Carlos had never accepted a move made on him by anyone with a partner before; he'd always politely turned them down and removed himself from the situation. But he wasn't sure that this was Leon coming onto him for the sake of cheating; he truly seemed desperate to get what brief reprieve he could from the things inside his head.

Chris wasn't here, and that made Carlos hesitant, but they'd already taken the whiskey from Leon, and if he only had two coping mechanisms and neither were available to him, would he do something to himself if he couldn't get out of his head? Would he shut down? Would he lose his trust in Carlos?

Leon wasn't well, Carlos had seen that for himself the first time he'd seen him. Would sleeping with him to try and give him whatever peace he could be any different to sleeping with him for an orgasm? Probably not, but he was quickly running out of ways he could think of to help Leon.

In the end, his concern for Leon won out – and if Leon said Chris was okay with it, he trusted him.

"If we do this, you're not gonna decide you hate me after, are you?" Carlos massaged his fingertips into Leon's scalp. He let out a sigh of relief when Leon shook his head. "Alright, then. I'll trust you. I just don't wanna be takin' advantage of you, Leon. That's all."

"You're not," Leon whispered.

"Do you have any lube and some condoms?" It was an uncomfortable question to ask someone else's boyfriend, but…

"Lube in my bedside drawers. Chris doesn't use condoms with me." Carlos opened his mouth to protest against the lack of condoms, but he stopped when Leon gave a wistful sigh and continued. "I don't want you to use condoms; I need to feel it inside me…"

Normally, Carlos would have protested not using condoms, but if it was what Leon wanted, he'd make an exception just this time. He pulled himself out from under Leon and stood. "I'll get the lube. Are you sure, Leon?"

"I'm sure; just hurry up."

Carlos assured Leon he'd be quick before he disappeared into their bedroom. He opened the top drawer, and immediately, he found himself in awe of the sheer volume of sex toys in there; the thought of Leon using them on himself...

"Lucky bastard," Carlos muttered to himself; if Chris watched Leon pleasure himself with them, he was surely the luckiest man in the world.

…If they both turned a blind eye to Leon's stubbornness, that was.

He pushed aside the fleshlights and anal beads, and right at the back of the drawer was an almost empty bottle of lube. He pulled it out and shut the drawer, returning quickly to Leon's side.

"Alright, here." Carlos held the lube out to Leon. He frowned at the pout on his face. "Leon, look. I'm already fightin' with myself here; I'd rather you prepare yourself. 'Sides, I don't know what you like or how Chris does it."

Leon snatched the bottle away. He grumbled something under his breath. Carlos forced his eyes away as Leon pushed his boxers down just enough to slip his hand inside and laid down on the sofa. Carlos heard the bottle uncap, and at Leon's soft moan, he squeezed his eyes shut tight and did his best not to listen; if he could keep it strictly helping Leon, he'd do his best.

"Chris…" Leon's whispers were sad, lonely, and if Carlos wasn't mistaking, it almost sounded like he was begging. "Chris, please… Chris…"

Carlos was relieved Leon wasn't thinking about him; it made him feel a tad less guilty at what he was allowing to happen. He didn't look at Leon, not until he was calling for him, his face flushed and his eyes dazed as he held his arms open.

He wondered if he should undress, or if Leon would rather he follow his lead and only push his fatigues and boxers down just enough to make it easy. He decided to follow Leon's lead, but Leon stopped him.

"Undress," Leon murmured. "I need to feel your skin."

Carlos obliged. He didn't quite understand the need for his skin if Leon wasn't reciprocating to rub their flesh together, but if it was what he needed…

"Thanks." Leon closed his eyes and made himself more comfortable. He pulled his knees up into the air and spread his legs. "You can shove it in. You won't hurt me."

Carlos didn't want to know why Leon wanted such a rough penetration; did Chris like being rough with him and he'd just grown used to it? Or did Leon himself like to be manhandled, held down and fucked so good, he couldn't even think?

He tried not to think about it, and instead, he gripped the base of his erection and climbed up onto the sofa to kneel in between Leon's legs. He tried to be slow and gentle about the intrusion, but Leon whined irritably and tried to push himself down onto him.

"Shh…" Carlos stroked Leon's head. He closed his eyes and forced himself inside with a little more force; it wasn't exactly his cup of tea, but he'd do it.

"Chris…" Leon reached up and wrapped his arms around Carlos's neck. He arched his back to bury his face against Carlos's shoulder. "Chris, please…"

Carlos buried himself to the hilt. He held his hips still, trying to give Leon time to adjust, but Leon whined again and wriggled. "Come on… Fuck me, damnit."

If Leon was trying to think of Chris, Carlos wouldn't take that from him. He didn't want to move so soon after entering; he didn't want to hurt Leon; but… "Are you sure?"

"Chris has fucked me a lot fucking harder than you've probably ever fucked anyone, so just get on with it!" Leon snapped.

Carlos decided to just go with whatever Leon wanted. He grabbed his right leg and pulled it over his shoulder and held his left leg out more to the side. "Then tell me if it's too much."

Leon snorted. Carlos ignored it and begun a quick, steady rhythm of thrusts he hadn't wanted to utilise before even finding his prostate. Leon didn't seem to care; his eyes were closed, and he moaned softly, calling for Chris. Carlos didn't let his eyes wander down to Leon's groin; he could hear Leon stroking it already, and he just hoped it was good enough for him to get out of his head for a bit.

Carlos moved his hips in search of Leon's prostate, and when Leon let out a gasp, he knew he found it. Leon started clawing at his back now, his fingernails digging into his skin and drawing blood.

"Chris…!" Leon's hips stuttered backwards against Carlos. He was panting now, and Carlos couldn't help but notice how tightly he was keeping his eyes squeezed closed, like he was afraid to open them and ruin the illusion. "Chris, harder…!"

Carlos obeyed. He thrust his hips harder, jostling Leon around on the sofa. He lowered his body over Leon, keeping room between them but still covering him with his mass, and cupped the top of his head with one hand. He stroked gently, trying to keep as silent as he could to let Leon imagine.

"Fuck, Chris…" Leon whined. He started squirming, like he couldn't possibly get enough. "Chris, more. More."

Carlos didn't know what more was when he was already thrusting hard enough that if they were in a bed, the frame would surely have been slamming against the wall. He didn't know how to help, how to make it better, and he was afraid of opening his mouth and asking.

Tears started leaking from Leon's eyes. He made a frustrated sound. "Chris…!"

Carlos reached his hand down to wrap around Leon's erection, but it didn't seem to be enough for him. He wrapped his arms around Carlos's neck and held on tightly, sobbing. Carlos wondered if he should stop, because he was sure he was just making things worse.

But before he could do so, Leon tightened around him, and hot, sticky semen spurted over his hand. Carlos grit his teeth and held back a groan as he let himself cum; there was no need to drag it out for his own pleasure; if it wasn't helping Leon, he didn't want it.

Carlos carefully untangled Leon from him and moved from the sofa to get a towel. Leon's eyes were still squeezed shut as tears leaked past them. Carlos cleaned him up carefully, as sensitively as he could, before he moved to Leon's sofa to bring him Chris's pillow and their blanket. He made him comfortable before he brushed hair from Leon's eyes and stepped away.

Leon's soft sniffle and his whisper of I love you, Chris stopped Carlos in his tracks. Had he done the right thing? The wrong thing? He didn't know, but he didn't feel like he'd helped Leon, and part of him couldn't help but blame himself for making things worse.

He thought about calling Chris and asking for his advice, but if Leon had said he was busy, he didn't want to disturb him.

After all, Chris had to focus on his job and not continue to worry about Leon when Carlos was there to try his best.

Chapter Text

Whenever Carlos saw Leon curled up on the sofa, cocooned in the blanket that probably still smelled like Chris, he doubted he'd done the right thing. It was like Leon had shut down, ignoring him completely in favour of sleeping.

Carlos felt deflated, like he'd gone and betrayed Chris for nothing. He knew he'd have to apologise, reassure Chris that it would never happen again if it had only made Leon feel worse, and next time he'd be sure to make Leon wait for him to return home.

He dropped his face into his hands and leaned his elbows on the table. He didn't know if Leon was regretting it or not, but he sure was; he should have persisted in speaking to Chris first, but he'd been so blindsided, and Leon's behaviour had worried him.

Carlos realised he should never have slept with Leon, especially without discussing it with Chris. It'd been two weeks since he'd done it, and ever since, he wished he'd saved a bottle of whiskey for himself; he'd betrayed not only Chris, but his own morals, too.

But hadn't he been throwing his morals out the window before they had even gotten physical? He'd masturbated to thoughts of someone else's boyfriend, something he'd thought he'd never do – and he'd done it, anyway.

He thought about calling Chris and talking it out with him, but Chris had already told him he was on his way home the last time they'd spoken, and Carlos had stayed up specifically to wait for him to undo the deadbolts Leon insisted stayed locked.

It was late, almost four am, and Carlos wasn't sure he'd have been able to sleep even if he'd tried, anyway. He thought about pulling his laptop closer and doing some work to distract himself, but he wasn't sure he'd have been able to focus even if he wanted to.

He rubbed his face and sighed, wondering how much longer he'd be waiting.

He watched his wristwatch impatiently, almost mesmerised by the ever-changing numbers, when a soft knock on the door grabbed his attention. He got up to undo the deadbolts, coming face-to-face with Chris, and another man wearing a BSAA uniform Carlos could only assume was his friend.

"Hey." Chris stepped inside. He gestured to his companion. "This is Piers. He's staying the night. Where's Leon?"

"On the sofa." Carlos thought about telling him what had happened, but Chris looked exhausted, and Carlos didn't have it in him to stress him. "He's asleep."

Carlos followed Chris and Piers into the living room. He wasn't surprised by the way Chris made a beeline to Leon and knelt by the sofa. He watched Chris grab him by the shoulder and shake him so gently, it was like trying to rouse a child.

"Leon," Chris murmured. "Leon, I'm home. Leon."

Leon's eyelids fluttered open. His tone was slurred, thick with sleep, but Carlos still recognised a hint of excitement in his voice. "Chris…?"

"I'm here," Chris murmured. He stroked Leon's head for a few moments before he slipped one arm beneath him. "I'm here. Let's go to bed, alright?"

"S'not a dream…?" Leon rolled onto his side and reached for Chris. His fingers wrapped tentatively around his bicep, like he couldn't trust what he was seeing.

"No, Leon. I'm here." Carlos looked away when Chris leant in for a kiss; he didn't want to be reminded of what he'd let happen. When Chris pulled away and scooped Leon up in arms that were so strong, Carlos realised just how much he loved Leon at how tender, how gentle he was with every touch he gave upon his boyfriend. "I'm here. We're going to bed, okay? That okay with you?"

Carlos heard Leon hum. Leon moved his hand to curl his fingers into the front of Chris's uniform, holding on for dear life as he dropped his head against Chris's shoulder and let his eyes slip closed again.

Carlos felt even worse, because seeing for himself just how precious Leon seemed to be to Chris, he wished with everything he was that he had never stepped near their apartment to begin with.

He laid down on his sofa and stared up at the roof. He was aware of Piers taking Leon's sofa as his own, but he didn't care; not when he heard the unmistakable sounds of the bed squeaking, and there was no way he could confuse Leon moaning Chris's name for anything other than sex.

Carlos glanced over at Piers. He was still awake, laying on his side, and the light shining on his face told Carlos he was on his phone, probably ignoring completely the sounds that seemed far too loud for how quiet Chris seemed to try to be.

When Carlos realised how hard he was, he squeezed his eyes shut tight and tried to fight back tears of frustration. Tomorrow morning, he would have to talk to Chris about everything.

***

Carlos awoke to the pleasant smell of coffee. He sat up on the sofa and looked around. The other sofa was empty, and he could hear voices in the kitchen. He didn't feel like he had any right to join them, but he did anyway; maybe a cup of coffee would prepare him for the last conversation he wanted to hold.

"Mornin'…" Carlos felt like a criminal, like scum for acting so chummy after what he'd done.

"Morning, Carlos." Chris was standing at the stove, frying eggs and bacon. "You want some breakfast? There's plenty here."

"I'm good, thanks," Carlos murmured. "Just… gonna make a coffee."

Carlos tried to block out the cheerful conversation surrounding him. He tried not to think about how quiet and moody Leon had been towards him, but towards Chris, he was almost outgoing. He didn't want to watch the way Chris brought a plate of egg and bacon over to Leon and sat next to him, encouraging him to eat, and Leon did so with no protest.

Because Chris and Leon did love each other, and Carlos saw that for himself.

Carlos couldn't stomach sitting with it any longer when Leon dropped his head onto Chris's shoulder and curled into his side like some love-struck teenager on the first date.

"Hey, Chris…?" Carlos put his coffee cup on the counter and sighed. "What Leon and I did… I think it just made things worse. I wanted to help, but I don't think it did, and it makes me feel like I've just betrayed ya. Sorry… I won't do it again."

Chris's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Carlos saw Leon tense rigidly, but before he could think too much about it, Chris forced out a heavy question. "What… exactly did you do…?"

Carlos frowned. He watched Leon move away slowly, like he didn't want Chris to notice. "Leon said he spoke with you, and you said it was okay 'cause he needed it."

A dark expression crossed Chris's face. He grabbed Leon by the arm and pulled him back against him. On the other side of the table, Piers looked alert and ready for anything. "Tell me, Carlos… Did you sleep with my boyfriend while I was gone…?"

Carlos raised his hands in front of him. He stepped back, pressing himself against the counter and hoping he appeared as non-threatening as possible. He didn't want to think that Leon had lied to him about Chris giving permission, but if he had, he understood completely why Chris would be angry.

Carlos tried to reply as calmly as he could and show that he was willing to talk it out without being defensive. "Leon came to me, and he told me you'd given permission 'cause he wasn't in a good way. I should have spoken to you first, but I hadn't, and I have no excuse."

Leon tried to pull his arm free, but Chris tightened his grip hard enough to earn a whimper from Leon.

Piers rose from his seat and reached for Chris and Leon. "Captain, you're hurting him. Stop."

Chris snarled and yanked Leon when he tried to pull away again. "You're not going anywhere, Leon."

"Chris, if I knew he hadn't spoken with you, I would never –" Carlos cut himself off when Chris lunged at him with a murderous expression on his face. He let Chris come at him, and he didn't move until a punch had been thrown. He caught Chris's fist, and their arms shook at the effort they both were exerting. Carlos shook his head and spoke slowly, hoping to diffuse the situation. "Chris… If hittin' me makes you feel better about what happened, you can hit me as many times as you want. Just don't… Just don't take it out on Leon."

"You sleep with my boyfriend, and then you think you can tell me what to do with him?!" Chris roared. Carlos didn't even try to dodge the left hook that came out of nowhere. "After I trusted you with him?! Yeah, I know what Leon's like, but you shouldn't have been so stupid!"

"Captain! Stop!" Piers had approached them and was trying to push Chris away. "You know it wasn't him!"

Chris shoved Piers away. "You think I'm not gonna give it to Leon when I get my hands on him, Piers?! I want to fucking kill him!"

"Captain! That's enough!" Piers shouted back. He'd grabbed Chris again, and he'd disentangled him from Carlos. "Don't take it out on him when Leon led him on!"

"It's fine." Carlos rubbed his cheek where Chris had struck him. "He's angry, and I get it. I'd be angry, too. I just – I never meant for this to happen, Chris. Just, please, don't hurt Leon over it; he wasn't well."

If Chris had taken in anything Carlos had said, he didn't respond; instead, he pulled away and started stomping into the living room. "Leon! Leon, get your fucking ass out here!"

"Fuck off, Chris!" Carlos heard Leon shout from somewhere in the apartment. "You're an asshole!"

"Chris!" Piers had chased Chris into the living room. Carlos didn't know if he should follow or not – it was his fault, after all – but when he heard Leon scream bloody murder, and Chris and Piers's shouting intermingling, he hurried to see what was happening.

"Chris! Stop!" Carlos didn't waste a moment to go to their sides and help Piers pull Chris off Leon. From what he could see, Leon was the one throwing the swings while Chris tried to hold him down, but Carlos worried what Chris might do if he had Leon restrained. "Get off him!"

"Leave him alone, Chris!" Piers had slipped himself in between Chris and Leon and pushed Chris's weight from him. Leon's fists were everywhere, and Carlos grunted when he felt bony knuckles strike him in the eye. "Chris! Get off! You're not thinking clearly!"

"Chris, you're hurting him!" Carlos couldn't have been more relieved when they pulled Chris away. "Chris!"

Chris tried to get back at Leon. Piers stepped in front of him and pushed against his chest to keep him away. Carlos went to shield Leon, still sprawled on his back on the living room floor and bleeding from his nose and lip. He looked riled up, like a feral cat being provoked by a group of people with sick intentions.

"Leave him alone, Chris!" Piers pushed Chris back again when he took another step forward.

Carlos knelt by Leon's side and reached for his shoulders. "Are you okay, Leon?"

"I wish he'd just fuck off," Leon snarled. He wiped at his face, but all it accomplished was smearing blood everywhere. "He's always like this. He doesn't fucking talk anything out."

Carlos didn't want to remind him he had essentially cheated on Chris, so it was understandable Chris didn't want to talk; he didn't want to be involved lest he make everything worse.

Chris shouted something incomprehensible before he bit his lip so hard, blood rolled down his chin. His left eye was closed and bruising, and a few droplets of blood clung to the tip of his nose. "Guess what, Leon! It's not just me! I'm sick of your fucking shit! I put up with everything you throw at me, and then you decide to go out and fuck someone else while I'm away! I should have thrown your ass out years ago!"

"Even if I tried to explain it to you, you wouldn't care, Chris!" Leon screamed back. "You haven't touched me in months, and now you fucking care?!"

"That's bullshit, Leon!" Chris roared. "I have touched you – but you throw a tantrum, or you pull some stupid fucking stunt like trying to kill yourself! I fucked you before I left, remember?! I even fucked you last night! And even that wasn't good enough for you!"

"No, you didn't!" Leon's eyes overflowed with tears. "We haven't had sex in so long – you weren't here for me when I needed you! You just told Carlos to take away my whiskey! Of course I was going crazy!"

Chris pushed Piers so hard, he stumbled to the ground. Carlos got to his feet to keep him away from Leon. Chris raised his hand above Leon's head, threatening, but the slap never came. Instead, he hissed, his own eyes wet, "I'm done with your delusional bullshit, Leon. I try… so fucking hard to love you through everything, and you always, always find a way to fuck everything up. I'm done. I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back. Fuck you, Leon. Fuck. You."

Leon looked stunned, like he'd expected anything but those words. Carlos's mouth opened and closed, not knowing how to react. He watched Chris storm from the living room in silence, and that scared Carlos; Chris wasn't a man of silence, so for him to not say a word...

"Captain! Wait!" Piers chased after him. "Captain, are you okay?"

Chris ignored him, and Carlos knew just how out of character that was. He realised just how horribly he'd messed up, and if he could go back and redo things…

"Captain… Please, say something. …Captain…"

Carlos was speechless as their footsteps grew quieter and quieter until they were out of hearing, not a single word spoken by Chris since his departure.

Carlos looked at Leon. Silent tears rolled down Leon's cheeks. The expression he wore looked like he'd just had his heart crushed into a million pieces.

"Leon…?" Carlos had never seen someone look more devastated.

Leon turned his head away and squeezed his eyes shut tight. Blood continued to dribble from his mouth and nose, but Carlos wasn't even sure he was aware.

A sob, a loud, gut-wrenching sob escaped Leon as he pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "I didn't… mean to make him hate us…"

And as much as Carlos knew he shouldn't, all he could say was, "I don't know what else you could have expected for, Leon…"

Carlos got to his feet and went into the kitchen. He stood by the counter and tried not to feel so drained. He thought about getting his laptop and going home, but Leon's unfiltered sobs from the living room were the only thing that stopped him, because as hurt and betrayed as Carlos was feeling, he didn't have the heart to leave Leon to kill himself.

With a heavy sigh, Carlos dropped himself down into a chair at the table. He tilted his head back and stared up at the roof. He'd never been one to indulge in self-hatred or pity, but here and now, he regretted ever agreeing to check on Leon at all.

Because at least if he'd never come here, Chris and Leon would still be together.

Chapter Text

"Carlos, can you explain to me why Chris has decided he's living on my sofa from now on?" Jill sounded concerned, like she didn't know if she should comfort someone or beat the shit out of them instead.

Carlos sighed heavily. He listened for signs of life from Leon, but he must have fallen asleep as he couldn't hear him crying anymore. "Jill… I did somethin' really wrong. I should have spoken with Chris before I did anythin', but… Jill, I'm a fuckin' idiot; I slept with Leon 'cause I thought Chris knew."

"What the fuck, Carlos." Jill didn't sound mad, just… confused, like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Carlos, you're not that kind of guy. Why would you –"

"- He came to me out of his mind, Jill," Carlos murmured. "He told me he'd spoken with Chris and Chris said it was okay. Jill, he was out of his mind. I just wanted to help him before he went and killed himself – I trusted him."

"Chris feels so betrayed, too, Carlos," Jill explained. "He showed up here with Piers talking about how Leon cheated on him with you and he's never going back. He's been in my bedroom this whole time because he refuses to admit he's crying over it."

"Jill, I was a dickhead, but I didn't do it for Leon to cheat on him!" Carlos pleaded. "I trusted him when he said Chris knew! I was tryin' to help him 'cause he wasn't okay! I never wanted to hurt Chris! I swear! I feel like such an asshole!"

"I trust you, Carlos," Jill comforted. "I do. But Chris is… Their relationship's been rocky for a while now, and now this…? I get why he's so upset."

"If I knew Leon was lyin', I would never have touched him, Jill!" Carlos felt the tears well up in his eyes at the thought. "I wouldn't have!"   

"What in the world made you think Chris would be okay with you sleeping with his boyfriend? Leon meant everything to him. He probably wouldn't even let his sister or me touch Leon."

Carlos frowned; now that Jill mentioned it, it did seem silly to think Chris would let something happen between them… "I thought Chris would be okay with it – 'cause, you know, the threesomes and all."

"What?" Jill sounded so caught off-guard, it only made Carlos feel dumber. "What threesomes?"

"You know. The threesomes with Piers."

An uncomfortable silence filled the air. When she spoke again, it was to Piers. "Piers, have you ever had a threesome with Chris and Leon?"

"W-what?" Carlos could hear the confusion in Piers' tone. "Jill, I'm sure Chris would have cut my fingers off if I even thought of touching Leon sexually."

Jill turned her attention back to Carlos. "Carlos, are you sure that's what he said?"

"Yeah, he's mentioned it so many times," Carlos confirmed.

"Give me a minute, Carlos." Carlos could make out her footsteps, and her knocking on a door. She took a moment, but once Carlos heard a door creak open, she spoke again. "Hey, Chris, did you and Leon ever have a threesome with Piers?"

"If that's Leon with his fucking delusional bullshit again, I'm going to –" Chris's shouting was all the evidence Carlos needed to know that whether or not Leon had believed his own words, there truly hadn't been a threesome.

"Chris! Listen to me!" Jill yelled back. "Leon isn't well. I think we should –"

"- I'm done with him, Jill!" Chris snapped. "All the bullshit I've already put up with from him, and then he goes and does this! Like I never meant anything to him – after how much I fucking loved him!"

"Chris, he's not well," Jill reminded. "You know he's been confused ever since he came back from that job! If you at least talk to Leon so we know if he –"

"- If I ever see him again, Jill, I'll hurt him," Chris warned. "I don't want to hurt him, so don't ever bring him near me again."

"But, Chris –"

Carlos startled at a loud thump from down the hallway. A feeling of dread filled him, and his breath caught in his throat. "Leon…?"

No response came. Carlos got to his feet and poked his head through the doorway. His heart stopped as he realised Leon was nowhere in sight.

"Leon!" Carlos dropped his phone as he raced to the bedroom. "Leon, no!"

Carlos flew through the open door to the bedroom. He didn't need more than a second to see Leon slumped on Chris's side of the bed to realise what had happened.

"Leon!"

Carlos realised now what the bloodstain in the carpet was, because a second stain was forming right before his very eyes.

***

Carlos didn't know how long he'd sat in the waiting room when a nurse called his name. He wasn't sure he'd wanted to hear her report; the images of what he had walked in on would forever be scarred into his mind.

Regardless, Carlos got to his feet and approached her. "How is he?"

"He's out of the woods," the nurse assured. "He lost a lot of blood, but we've stabilised him, and we've pumped his stomach for the pills he swallowed."

"He's gonna be okay, then?" Carlos held his breath.

"Yes. We'll keep him for observations for a few days and see how he goes."

"Carlos!"

Carlos let out a sigh of relief at Jill's call. He turned around to see her running to them. "He's okay, Jill. They said he's stabilised."

Jill stopped next to Carlos. He knew her well enough to know that she wasn't messing around at the serious, stern expression on her face that left no room for unanswered questions. He wondered if there was more to the situation than he realised.

Jill pulled her B.S.A.A. ID from her pocket and showed the nurse. "Official business. We need to see him right away."

The nurse looked startled, but she didn't argue. "Right this way."

"Jill?" Carlos followed. "Is everythin' alright?"

Jill shook her head. She kept her voice low. "If it gets back to the D.S.O, he's in trouble."

Carlos felt a lump form in his throat. He didn't question any further; he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He nodded, trusting her knowledge on the situation.

It was uncomfortable to stand in Leon's room and see how restless he looked even in sleep. Carlos tried not to think about the IVs all over his body, or how slowly the monitors seemed to beep. He closed his eyes and tried to remind himself that as uneasy as he felt, at least Leon had a visitor.

The nurse left them alone. Jill went straight to Leon's side and shook him awake. "Leon… Leon, wake up. Leon."

Leon's eyelids fluttered open. He looked dazed, but he kept his eyes on Jill. He reached slowly for her, and Jill granted him the touch. Their fingers entwined, and their palms rested together. "Jill…?"

Jill smiled. "How are you feeling?"

Leon groaned. "Like shit."

Carlos ducked his head and looked away. He wasn't sure he should be here for this kind of conversation; if it hadn't been for him, Leon would still be at home cuddling with Chris.

He blocked them out as best he could until Jill called his name. He looked up again, seeing Leon's phone in her hand. "What's up, Supercop?"

"I need to make some calls." Jill was going through Leon's phone, looking for something. "It would be better if Chris made them, but I think I could pull some strings."

Carlos nodded. "What do you want me to do?"

"Well…" Jill glanced at Leon before she looked back at Carlos. "Clearly he's not well. Come out to the hallway and I'll tell you."

Carlos followed. Jill made sure the door was closed firmly behind her before she led him further down the hallway and to a vending machine. She pulled money from her pocket and counted.

"You want anything, Carlos?" She smiled, but Carlos still saw the pain in her eyes.

"No, thank you, Supercop," Carlos murmured. She was hesitating, he recognised, so he let her take her time.

When she got to explaining, she looked agonised. "Leon's needed help for a long time now, but… I don't think Chris could see it – or maybe he thought Leon wasn't that bad, or he tried to tell himself that so he wouldn't worry so much…"

"He's bad," Carlos acknowledged. "But I think Leon was good at hiding it around Chris."

Jill nodded in agreement. She took her can of soda and chocolate bar from the vending machine slot. "When he tried to kill himself the first time, I suggested to Chris he needed professional help, but Chris… Chris didn't want to put him through the stress. He did everything he could to keep it from the D.S.O. Only Hunnigan knows."  

"Hunnigan?"

"She works for the F.O.S and assists Leon on the field. I guess you could say she's the closest thing he has to a mother." Jill unwrapped her chocolate bar and took a bite. "She kept the last suicide attempt out of the government's hands to keep him safe. But this… Carlos, Chris should never have ignored how bad he was."

"He told me about a job he had," Carlos started slowly. "He couldn't save a little girl, and her mother took it out on him. I asked if Chris knew 'bout it and he said he hadn't told him 'cause he didn't want to bother him."

Jill sighed heavily. "Yeah. That sounds like Leon. Chris should have done something sooner, but he didn't. So I'm going to do something, no matter how much Leon is going to hate me for it."

"What are you gonna do?" Carlos accepted the piece of chocolate Jill snapped off for him.

Jill opened her can and took a swig before she murmured, "I'm going to get him the help he needs. And that's why I need your help one last time; he's not going to go willingly."

Carlos didn't know what Jill was planning, but from how grim she'd sounded, he realised she must have felt all other options were exhausted to resort to something. She looked tired, like whatever she was planning was something she really didn't want to have to do.

But he trusted her, and if she thought that whatever she was planning had a chance of helping Leon…

Carlos closed his eyes and nodded. "Alright, Supercop. If that's what he needs, I'll help."

Chapter Text

The day was frosty, wet, and windy, and Carlos had wondered if he should reschedule his lunch date with Jill for another day that wasn't so dreary. Jill hadn't cancelled on him, so despite the weather, he made his way to their usual café.

"Hey, Carlos." Jill called out to him from a table on the patio. Carlos couldn't help but grin at the sight of her patting their table in invitation, like she cared nothing for the wind battering her beret.

"Hey, Supercop." Carlos joined her at the table. "How's it goin'?"

"Business, like usual." There was a tiredness about Jill that Carlos wasn't oblivious to; he'd known her for so long, he didn't think there was much she could hide from him anymore. Regardless, he could see it in her eyes how happy she was to catch up with one of her closest friends. "We took down another bioterrorism group last week. Got some meetings coming up."

"Yeah?" Carlos pulled his wallet from his pocket. "What d'you want, Supercop? My treat."

"Careful, now, anyone would think you're my boyfriend," Jill teased. Carlos couldn't help but laugh. "Surprise me."

Carlos hummed to himself as he went inside and ordered. While it was normal for them to catch up over lunch – they both led busy lives, and it was a pleasant break for Jill – Jill usually had something important she wanted to discuss with him.

He returned with a table number. As he sat, he couldn't help but joke. "Don't tell me you brought me all the way down here just to finally tell me you want to be my girlfriend."

Jill snorted. "Still chasing after me?"

Carlos didn't want to let his thoughts venture too far into things he knew he shouldn't entertain, because whenever he did, his mind went to painful places he wasn't sure how to deal with. He forced himself to keep his smile on his face, but Jill must have seen it falter.

She reached across the table for Carlos's hand. "You okay?"

Carlos let her hold it. He rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand, wondering if he should talk to her about it; it had been five months, so surely the wound should have closed over by now.

…Right?

"It's just…" Carlos tried to find the right words. He shook his head and sighed. "It's dumb, Jill. Don't worry 'bout it."

"But I am worried," Jill murmured. "Whenever you frown, I know something's eating at you, because you don't frown."

"Just…" Carlos knew it was safe to talk to Jill. He'd told her so much over their years together, and while he knew that this paled compared to some things she already knew, he still felt confusion and guilt. He dropped his head. "Do you think Leon's doin' alright?"

Jill seemed to understand the real question. "He's got the best nurses and psychiatrists the B.S.A.A. has with him around the clock, so he isn't completely alone. The last report I had sent to me by one of the psychs said he realises he drove everyone away, and he has genuine remorse for his actions."

"Does Chris ever talk about him?" Carlos didn't know why he was asking; after what Leon had done to them both, he could understand Chris never wanting to hear Leon's name again, let alone speak it.

Jill frowned. She looked like she was deciding what information to divulge. "Sometimes, if he's been drinking… If I tell you something, you won't repeat it? Especially not to Leon."

"I haven't seen Leon since we took him to that empty B.S.A.A. building to be treated," Carlos reminded. He didn't want to remember that by taking Leon, he meant they'd fought him tooth and nail to force him into the care of professionals. "'Course I'm not gonna repeat it to anyone."

"Okay. And don't mention it to Chris, either, because I'm not sure he'd want you to know just yet. But he's started seeing Piers. He seems the happiest he's been in years, so I'm happy for him."

Carlos didn't know why he felt a pang of hurt for Leon in his heart – not after what Leon had done to them. "Leon's gonna take that pretty hard… I saw for myself how much he loves Chris."

"Leon shouldn't have done what he did if he didn't want to lose him," Jill reminded gently. "Their relationship was struggling long before this. I'm just happy to see Chris happy with someone again."

Carlos closed his eyes and sighed. "You know what sucks, Jill? I… Never mind… It doesn't matter. 'Least Chris is happy; Piers seemed like a good guy."

"He is." Jill smiled. "He loves Chris and would do anything for him. They're good for each other."

"I'm glad for them." And Carlos was, but he couldn't help but think back to Leon. "What's gonna happen to Leon when the psychs think he's well enough to leave? The only home he had was with Chris, right?"

Jill frowned. "I… don't know, to be honest. I'm hoping to talk to Chris and see if he'll let Leon back until he can get back on his feet, but I really don't see it happening… Especially with Piers in the picture."

Carlos was sure Jill would have taken Leon in, but she only had one bedroom, and her apartment was already cramped with her and her dog in it; it wouldn't have been workable, especially if Leon had just been released from a psychiatric hold.

"Jill…" Carlos hoped he wasn't making another mistake. "If… If he needs, he can stay with me. I've got the spare bedroom; I can set it up for him. I'll help him find his own place, and he can stay until he's ready to leave."

"Carlos… After what happened, are you… It's fine; I'm sure I'll work something out for him before he gets out."

"It's alright, Jill, I don't mind." Sometimes, Carlos hated how selfless he was. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

Jill leant across the table and pecked a kiss on Carlos's cheek. "You have seriously got to be the best guy I know, Carlos. I love you."

Carlos smiled. "You're not bad yourself, Supercop."

Their food arrived, and their company was pleasant. They chatted easily in between bites, and Carlos updated Jill on the book he had been reading. But Carlos couldn't stop his mind from drifting back to Leon, and he voiced the dilemma that had been plaguing him lately.

"I think I might go see Leon." Carlos put his hamburger back on his plate. His appetite disappeared at the thought. "I feel bad no one's been out to see him."

"I think no one visiting him is what has helped him understand he isn't well," Jill comforted. "From the original psych reports I was getting, he was putting up one hell of a fight because he was convinced someone would come and take him home, eventually. …Then… He slowly realised he needed the help – because no one came."

Carlos pushed his chair back and stood. He moved to Jill's side to kiss her cheek and rub her forearm. "I'll come, Jill. Maybe I can help him this time. He hurt me… But I haven't given up on him."

Jill stood and wrapped her arms around Carlos, the perfect picture of the loving couple Carlos had once hoped they could be. "You're too good sometimes, you know? But I really think you should hold off on seeing him; I'm worried he might go backwards if he thinks someone's going to take him home."

Carlos waved a dismissive hand. "I'm sure it'll be fine, Jill. I just feel bad for him."

"I hope you know what you're doing." Jill tugged her coat over her shoulders. "Want to come around tonight? I'm thinking of making tacos, and we haven't had much time to see each other lately."

"Tacos, and spending time with my best girl?" Carlos wrapped his arm around Jill's shoulders and hugged. "Couldn't think of a better night."

Jill laughed. She patted Carlos's arm. "Calm down there, big guy; purely platonic, but maybe with a chance of friends with benefits."

Carlos chuckled. "Still sounds good to me, Supercop. I'm gonna go see Leon. I'll let you know tonight how it goes."

Jill nodded. "Talk to you later, Carlos. Be safe."

"You, too." Carlos hummed as he made his way back to his car. Seeing Jill always left him in a good mood.

He just hoped seeing Leon wouldn't ruin it.

***

The good thing about Leon being held in a private B.S.A.A. building meant that Carlos could stroll in and ask to be taken to Leon without having to deal with trying to explain himself to a random receptionist.

"Ah, Mr. Oliveira!" Carlos recognised the psychiatrist who opened the door for him; he'd helped him and Jill force Leon through the doors and settle him into a room just for himself. "Come in, come in!"

Carlos didn't mind standing out in the rain, but it was nice to be in a warm, cosy building that had been done up for the situation. He tried not to think about his clothes dripping wet onto the marble floor, and instead, he murmured, "How's Leon doin'?"

"He's doing much better with the medication and the therapy," the psychiatrist assured. "I assume Ms. Valentine has been keeping you up to date with the latest reports?"

Carlos hummed. He briefly wondered if she ever updated Chris on Leon, or if Chris ever asked about him – but from the impressions Jill had given him, Leon was probably a forbidden topic to Chris these days. "Kinda. We don't get to catch up much, though."  

"Would you like the updates on him? He's been doing well, especially recently."

"Sure, doc." Carlos forced a smile on his face. "Tell me as we walk."

"We've increased the dosage of his antidepressants up to forty-five milligrams at night, and we've noted a significant improvement in his sleep." Carlos was relieved to hear that; if Leon was sleeping properly, could he get better? "He's on Mirtazapine, and it seems to help with his mood as well. He's stopped trying to escape the building and has been a lot more pleasant towards us."

Carlos couldn't imagine Leon being pleasant towards the staff, but he sure could imagine him trying to break himself out of the building. He chuckled. "Can't say I've really experienced his pleasantness."

The psych smiled. "We didn't realise he knew what manners were, too, until recently."

"Glad to hear." And Carlos was; it just…

It wasn't easy to feel joy for Leon after the hurt he'd put them all through.

"He's been making decisions for himself lately," the psychiatrist continued. "He's choosing what activities he wants to do, what self-care he wants for the day, and what meals he wants."

"He's eatin'?" Carlos perked up, hopeful.

"Yes. It was a long road and we needed to IV feed him a few times, but he's eating. Not as much as he should be; he's what I would call a grazer. But it's still food, and he hasn't needed prompting these past few weeks."

Carlos stopped outside what he knew was the door to Leon's room. He hesitated to grab the handle, and instead, he murmured, "Does he ever ask 'bout us?"

The psychiatrist frowned now. He shook his head. "Not anymore."

"Not anymore…?"

"Well… It used to be that he would only ask for you and Ms. Valentine. Along with Mr. Redfield. But I think he's given up on ever going home and resigned himself to being here. That's why I believe he's started cooperating with us; it's surely less energy for him to exert than to continue fighting us at every turn. Now, your names cannot come up in a conversation without him getting agitated."

Carlos couldn't imagine what Leon was going through. "He hates us?"

"No. I think you all mean so much to him, it's painful to know he's separated; from what he's spoken with us about, he was extremely co-dependent on his partner."

"He was," Carlos agreed. He reached for the door handle. "He won't… He won't try to attack me if I go in there, right?"

"His bouts of aggression come from his anxiety from what we've linked, and all the medication has kept him pretty docile; he hasn't tried to attack us for a while now."

Carlos nodded. "Right. Imma go in and see him. Just… Can someone keep on standby? I don't know how he's gonna react to me, and I don't wanna have to hurt him if he gets angry."

"Of course, sir."

Carlos took a deep breath and turned the door handle. He pushed the door open and looked inside, not sure what he had been expecting, but finding it surprised him to see Leon sitting in an armchair by the window, watching the rain.

"Leon?" Carlos closed the door behind him to give them privacy. "Long time, no see, huh?"

Leon didn't show any recognition he'd even noticed someone stepping into his room. Outside the window, the trees in the grassy courtyard swayed heavily with the wind.

Carlos took slow footsteps into the room. He tried to take heavier steps than he normally would, trying to announce his presence in a way that wouldn't startle Leon. "Guess it's been a while since we've seen each other. How ya been?"

Leon still kept his head turned away, but he responded this time, slowly and carefully. "I've never been out of the field for this long. I don't… know what to do with myself…"

Carlos looked around the room. A bed was tucked away in the corner, and a small bookshelf stood at the end. There were books stacked on the shelves, and Carlos assumed the staff had given them to him to keep him entertained. A laptop sat on his pillow, and a desk and chair rested against the far wall.

He grimaced as he realised they had given Leon crayons instead of pens; had he made another attempt on his life at some point here?

Carlos sat on the end of the bed, just glad Leon hadn't been locked in here with nothing like a prisoner. "Sorry, can't help you with that, Leon. But it's nice to just be able to rest, right?"

"The shrinks say I don't know how to rest," Leon mumbled. "They say I pace too much, and I look for things that aren't there."

Carlos was no medical professional, and he didn't want to pretend he was. He didn't understand psychological issues, and he was sure that if he tried to approach Leon like he did, he'd do more harm than good.

Instead, he murmured, "Can I ask you somethin', Leon? It's… I've been wonderin' it a long time."

Leon finally turned around to face Carlos. Carlos couldn't help but notice how healthy he looked, with colour to his face, and his facial hair groomed. But none of that took away from how empty his eyes still seemed to be. "What is it?"

Carlos wondered if he should ask. Maybe he should drop it, shove it under the rug and pretend it had never happened.

But Carlos had never been good at pretending. "Why did you do it, Leon? Surely you knew what would happen."

Leon tensed. He flinched away like he'd been struck. A hint of pain crossed his face. He turned away again. "…"

"I just…" Carlos supposed the silence was a cue that the conversation wasn't entirely unwelcome. "I know you loved Chris. At first, I really didn't know what to think. But the way you talked 'bout him, and the way I saw you with him… You aren't dumb. Surely you'd have realised something would be said to him eventually."

Leon squeezed his eyes shut tight and curled in on himself.

Carlos took a deep breath. "It's just… If you loved him, why did you do what you did? You had to know Chris would be angry."

Leon shrugged. His lips moved wordlessly, like he was whispering something only for his ears to hear. Finally, he looked up to meet Carlos's gaze. "The shrinks keep telling me I'm delusional. They say I'm sick; that I was holding in so much stress, my brain was restructuring reality to cope. They said I… didn't… Honestly, Carlos, I don't know what I was thinking; I just… At the time, I wanted to die. I guess making Chris mad just seemed like a better alternative to how I was feeling."

"You didn't stop to think that Chris would leave you over it?"

Leon licked his lips. His eyes welled with tears he hastily blinked away. He grit his teeth for all of three seconds before he forced out, "Nothing was making any sense in my head. I knew he'd be mad. But I didn't… I mean, when Piers would sleep with us, Chris…"

"Leon…?" Carlos leaned in close. He did his best to sound as gentle as he was capable of. "I asked Jill about that. And Jill asked Piers and Chris. Chris and Piers said that's never happened. You must be confused."

A look of panic crossed Leon's face. He grit his teeth again and shook his head. His eyes were squeezed so tightly closed, he looked like he was amid a panic attack.

Leon uncoiled like a spring. With wide, wild eyes, he screamed in unbridled panic. "It happened, okay?! I'm not crazy! I'm not!"

Carlos raised his hands, trying to calm him. "Easy, easy. Whoa, Leon. I'm not callin' you crazy. I'm just… Are you sure that happened?"

"Yes!" A sob escaped Leon. "I'm not crazy! It happened!"

Just like that, Leon deflated like a tyre that had been punctured. He slumped in his chair, panting as his eyes darted side to side.

Leon's whisper sounded tortured. "At least… I think it did… But the shrinks tell me what I think is real… isn't… I'm not crazy, Carlos. I'm not. They're wrong."

"It's okay," Carlos comforted. "It's okay. Look… I don't know what delusions and shit are, Leon; I just… I think you've gotten yourself confused. That's all. I didn't mean to upset you about it. I'm sorry."

Leon dropped his face in his hands. His shoulders heaved with tears. "If I don't know what's real and what isn't, how do I know if I'm crazy or not…? What if I just think everything is real? What if Raccoon City wasn't real? What if fighting B.O.W.s wasn't real?"

"Leon, I –"

Leon pulled his hands away to look at his palms. His eyes overflowed with tears. "What if… I'm not real…?"

"You're real," Carlos promised. "I'm talkin' to you; we're havin' a conversation, and it's okay if you feel scared or confused. It's alright."

Leon sniffed back tears. His whisper was full of heartbreak. "I drove everyone off, didn't I…? Chris loved me, and I hurt him… Again and again and again until he couldn't forgive me anymore. Because I… wasn't coping…"

"You weren't yourself," Carlos whispered back.

Leon shook his head. His expression was agonised. "He's never going to forgive me this time, is he? I finally made him hate me."

Carlos closed his eyes. He shook his head and pretended Jill hadn't told him Chris had left Leon for Piers. "I don't know the answers, Leon. I think you need to ask Jill."

"She doesn't come see me," Leon muttered. "She must hate me, too."

"She doesn't hate anyone," Carlos promised. 

"If that was true, she'd have been here," Leon growled. 

"Leon, she's a very busy person. Even I don't get to see her much these days."

Leon wiped his eyes. He shook his head. "She'll always side with Chris on anything – 'cause that's how they are. If Chris hates me, she hates me, too."

"She doesn't hate you, Leon," Carlos repeated. "Look, I don't like to get caught up in the he said she said shit. I don't like Chinese whispers, and I don't want to take part in it. So I'm only gonna tell you I know for a fact she doesn't hate you; when we brought you here and you bit her tryin' to get away, she cried 'cause she knew how scared and stressed you were. She came 'round to my apartment after we left you here, and she felt so bad about what we'd done, she almost went back to get you. She doesn't hate you, Leon. Every time your name has come up between us since you've been here, there has been nothing but love and compassion and sadness for you in everythin' she's said 'bout ya."

Leon turned away. Carlos didn't know if he was considering anything he'd said, but his lips were moving silently again, like he was trying to find the right response. "Maybe… Maybe she shit-talks me to Chris, then."

"I don't think Chris talks 'bout ya, Leon." Carlos hadn't considered how painful his words could have been taken, but once Leon burst into tears, he wished he could take them back. "Leon… Shit, I'm sorry, man; I didn't… Sorry."

"Please…" Leon's whisper was barely audible over his tears. "Please… Please leave me alone now…"

Carlos didn't hesitate to get to his feet. He swallowed thickly before he murmured, "Can I… come back tomorrow?"

Leon didn't give a response; he only hid his face against the side of his armchair and cried like he'd had his heart ripped from him.

Carlos kicked himself, because no matter how hard he tried to be there for Leon, he just kept messing everything up.

Chapter Text

Carlos awoke to the obnoxious ringtone of his phone. He'd worked late the night before, finishing up reports he'd fallen behind on, and hadn't left the office until six am. He'd tangled himself up in the blankets somehow in his sleep, and it was a struggle to work out how to get his head out from its confinement.

He fought his way out from under the blanket and grabbed his phone. He didn't look at who was calling; he could barely crack his eyelid open to find the device. "H'lo…?"

"Carlos." It was Jill, and Carlos felt himself relax at her soothing voice. "Hey. Are you busy today?"

"Sleepin'; worked 'til mornin'." Carlos kicked the blankets off him now that he was realising how warm it was in his apartment. "S'up, Supercop?"

"Do you think you'll be ready to get out of bed soon?"

Carlos hummed. "S'at time'sit?"

"Eleven-thirty."

He hummed again. His eyes betrayed his next words. "Can get up. S'wot s'it?"

"Leon's doctor rang me, and they said he's ready to come home." Carlos was still half-asleep, but somehow, he doubted those words – especially after how Leon had been the first time he'd seen him a month ago. "Look, I know it's really short notice, but I already left this morning with the B.S.A.A. Is it okay if you can go get him and let him stay with you until I get back? I'll get everything sorted for him as soon as he's home."

Carlos tried to force himself to stay awake. "Yeah. Yeah, s'fine, Jill. I'll get 'im now."

Jill breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thanks so much, Carlos. Let me know how it goes. I've gotta go."

Carlos farewelled her. He dropped his phone and squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to fight away the overwhelming tiredness. He forced himself to sit up before he fell asleep again, and with just a moment's hesitation, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood.

He dressed with his eyes closed. When he brushed his teeth, he was barely awake. He dragged his fingers through his shaggy hair to tame it, and once he'd tied his boots on his feet, he grabbed his car keys and set off.

The drive to the old B.S.A.A. building was slow, but Carlos didn't mind; it gave him time to prepare mentally for something he wasn't entirely sure he was okay with.

But, Carlos supposed, if Leon was better now, maybe he wouldn't feel so hurt anymore.

He was glad when he arrived, and the staff took him aside to update him on Leon's condition and send him home with care instructions before they took him to Leon. Leon was packing his meagre possessions into a box someone had surely gotten for him.

"Leon…?" Carlos felt the reality of what he was agreeing to hit him like a truck. He almost felt like backing out, leaving Leon to sort his own life out after what he'd done to him and Chris.

…But Carlos would be lying if he said he could turn his back on people.

Leon turned around to face him. He had a stack of books in his arms, but what Carlos noticed the most was how he was still wearing his jacket despite how warm the weather was lately. He was quiet when he responded, but Carlos noticed an obvious difference in his tone compared to how gruff he'd been at Chris's apartment. "Carlos… Jill said I'm going to stay with you until she comes home."

Carlos nodded. He forced a smile on his face and moved further into the room. "Do you need any help packin'?"

Leon shook his head. "I'm okay. It's these last few things."

Carlos waited patiently for Leon to stack the last of his books into the box. Leon reached out to pick it up, but Carlos stepped in at the wince on his face. "Let me take that for you, Leon."

Leon stepped back. Carlos had almost expected an argument, for Leon to point out how he wasn't a child and he could carry his own box. But Leon just looked placid, like he truly didn't mind at all.

Carlos forced another smile onto his face. "Have you got everythin'?"

Leon nodded. He grabbed a plastic bag from his side and clutched it to his chest. It looked like his clothing inside it, and Carlos wasn't going to intrude on his privacy.

"Alright. Let's get goin'. Mind if we stop for a coffee on the way home? I'll treat you one if ya want."

Leon looked nervous, but he followed behind Carlos anyway. When he spoke, Carlos could hear his hesitance. "Can we… get my stuff from Chris's, too…?"

Carlos didn't have the heart to tell Leon he didn't know what had happened to his belongings at Chris's; for all he knew, Chris could have thrown it all out.

But Chris didn't seem like that kind of guy, and Carlos could only hope he was right when he nodded. "Of course, Leon; I'll call him and see if he's home. Want me to take you to my apartment first?"

Leon shook his head. He licked his lips. He looked uncomfortable, like he'd been thrown into a situation he didn't know how to deal with. "Can I… come…?"

Carlos took a deep breath. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Leon – especially so soon – but…

He supposed Leon had the right to request returning to his old home one last time to gather his belongings.

"I'll ask Chris, alright?" Leon nodded, and he said no more on the subject.

They left the building, and Carlos couldn't help but notice how Leon's face lit up at the feel of the wind against him. Carlos wondered if he'd been outside at all during his time in treatment.

Probably not, since he'd spent several months trying to escape from the inside.

"You like the wind?" Carlos asked.

Leon shook his head. He was still docile as he murmured a response. "Haven't felt it in what feels like forever… It's nice."

"Yeah?" Carlos's smile felt much more genuine. "Wanna roll the window down in the truck? I don't mind."

"Okay." Leon took in one last breath of wind before he followed Carlos to his truck. He sat in the front and put his plastic bag by his feet while Carlos put the box on the back seat and strapped it in.

"I'm gonna give Chris a call, okay?" Carlos closed the back door and pulled his phone from his pocket. He stepped away from the truck, not wanting Leon to realise that correspondence between him and Chris these days usually happened between Jill or Piers; he supposed Leon already had enough pain he was dealing with without more thrown on top of it.

He was glad Piers had given him his number after everything had gone down; he just hoped he had his phone with him; he really didn't want to have to deal with Chris directly for this if he could avoid it.

And whatever God was up there was surely looking down on him today, since Piers picked up and gave a breathy hello.

"Hey, Piers." Carlos was suspicious about what he was intruding on. "Is this a bad time?"

In the background, he heard Chris's husky voice. "Yes. Tell them to call back later."

Carlos almost apologised for interrupting their unmistakable intimacy, but Piers spoke first, his voice wavering from pleasure. "No, it's fine, Carlos." 

"Has Chris still got Leon's stuff there?" Carlos hoped the topic of Leon wasn't going to anger Chris; the last thing he wanted to do was ruin their moment – especially since he didn't know how hard it was for Chris to let this happen between them so soon after being cheated on. "I'm bringin' him home to stay with me today, and he was askin' to come get it."

Carlos heard Chris say something in the background, but he did his best to block it out; he'd rather deal with Piers for this, since he seemed to be calm, if not impatient.

"Yeah, it's here." Piers tried to bite back a moan, but he wasn't very successful. "You can come grab it soon; give us half-hour."

"Thanks." Carlos felt awkward now; it seemed they were enjoying whatever was going on between them, and with what he was about to ask… "And, uh… I'm sure I already know the answer, but… Leon wants to know if he can come with."

"No." Chris's anger was almost overwhelming, even in the phone's background. "He's never coming back here."

"Chris!" There was some sort of scuffle over the phone, and Piers made a heavy grunt. But whatever it had been hadn't seemed to deter him. "Chris, this was his home, too!"

"He'll find a way to fuck everything up between us!" Chris snapped. "He'll do something; he won't be able to help himself!"

"Chris, that's bullshit!" Piers argued. "Just let him come and get his things and say goodbye to his home! He's lived here for years; he has every right!"

"If I let him through that fucking door, he'll probably try to cheat on me with you next!" Chris roared. "You heard Jill; he already had it in his head we've had threesomes! I'm not letting him touch you, too! Oliveira can come and get his shit by himself!"

"Chris, please." Carlos wished he'd never asked; not at the hurt he could hear in both their voices. "He just wants to get his things. He has that right. I'm not going to cheat on you, Chris. We had this talk when you asked me out, remember? I love you."

"Yeah, and Leon used to tell me he loved me, too…"

"Captain…!" Carlos couldn't miss the tears in Piers's voice. "Don't put me on the same level as him! I don't want to fight about this shit; just let him get his things!"

"Fine!" Chris snapped. "But if he puts one finger on you, Piers, you're not pulling me off him this time. I want nothing to do with him. He gets his shit, and he goes."

Carlos wished he couldn't hear Piers's tears when he called his name. "Carlos, it's… It's okay. Leon can come. But Chris doesn't want him here any longer than to get his things."

"I understand." And truly, Carlos did. "I won't let him stay. …Thanks for thinkin' of Leon, too."

"Yeah. See you soon."

"Bye." Carlos ended the call and put his phone back in his pocket. He took a deep breath, hoping he wasn't about to make yet another mistake.

He was just glad he'd had the thought to take the conversation away from Leon, because he could only imagine how much it would have hurt him to hear.

***

"You sure you want to come in?" Carlos frowned at the anxiety on Leon's face. "I can go get your stuff myself if you'd rather."

Leon shook his head. He squeezed his paper coffee cup nervously before he put it carefully in the cupholder between them. "It's okay. I'll come."

"Let me know if you want to come back out to the truck." Carlos undid his seatbelt and opened the door. "We'll be quick."

Leon nodded. His hands were tentative as he undid his own seatbelt. Carlos didn't miss the way they tremored.

Silence was their only companion as they walked through the parking lot and traversed the complex. Carlos hesitated outside the door to Chris's apartment at how pale Leon looked.

"Are you alright?" Carlos raised his hand to rub Leon's back. Leon shuddered and pulled away from the touch.

Leon swallowed thickly before he nodded. Carlos almost couldn't understand how he could have spent so many years fighting B.O.W.s, but was breaking down at the thought of being back at his old home.

But Carlos had to remember, Leon had loved Chris, and he didn't know if he still did.

Carlos knocked on the door. The approaching footsteps were quieter than Chris's heavy stomps, so he assumed Piers was coming to open the door. It surprised him to hear the only lock click open being the door handle itself; he remembered how aggressively Leon had asserted the need for a multitude of deadbolts to remain locked at all times.

Piers opened the door, and Carlos smiled at him. "Hey, Piers."

Piers nodded at them and stepped back to let them inside. Carlos was painfully aware of just how close to him Leon was, like he was a shield for whatever he might be expecting.

They followed Piers into the living room, where Piers immediately curled back up on the sofa and into Chris's side. Chris glared daggers at Leon, but as soon as Piers made physical contact with him, he wrapped him up in his arms and held him close.

Piers let out a content sigh before he murmured. "His stuff's in the bedroom closet. It's all boxed up."

Carlos pretended he didn't hear the keen of pain that escaped Leon. He reached behind him to touch Leon's forearm gently. "Let's go get your stuff."

Leon's eyes overflowed with tears. He stepped closer to Carlos and sniffed. He wiped his eyes and followed Carlos, but once they got to the bedroom door, he stopped completely. He looked back at the living room with an expectant look on his face.

Carlos saw Chris meet Leon's gaze, and nothing could have prepared him for the way Chris shouted. "Fucking go in there yourself for once! Stop being a fucking baby all the time!"

"Chris!" Piers reached up to touch Chris's cheek and turn him to face him. He shook his head. His tone was soft. "Be nice. Please."

"He needs to grow the fuck up and stop expecting people to do everything for him all the time!" Chris snapped. "He expects me to go in there for him because he can't handle knowing he tried killing himself in our bed. Twice."

"Stop!" Piers cupped Chris's cheeks. "Please, don't be mean to him. He's behaving himself. It's alright. I can get his stuff for him and –"

Chris grabbed Piers's forearm tightly. "No. Stay away from him. He's done enough."

Carlos looked at Leon when a sob escaped him. "Are you alright? You want me to go in there for you?"

Leon looked like he was pondering the question. Tears continued rolling down his cheeks before he swallowed past the lump in his throat and shook his head. "He's right. I was just dragging Chris down with me."

Carlos reached out to touch Leon's arm again. "You got this. I'm here with ya."

Leon took a deep breath and stepped into the bedroom. Carlos wasn't oblivious to the way he did everything he could to avoid looking at the bed.

Leon opened the closet door and reached for the first box. He grimaced again as he lifted it, and Carlos wondered if he'd done something to himself during his stay in the B.S.A.A. building.

Carlos wasn't sure if Leon didn't have much by choice, or if he had more possessions hidden away somewhere that hadn't been boxed, but looking at the two boxes sitting lonely in an empty corner of the closet, he felt bad for Leon. 

"Is this everythin'?" Carlos felt the need to ask; he didn't want to leave anything behind Leon might have wanted. 

Leon nodded. "It would be." 

Carlos let the response be enough for him, and he reached for a box to take. "Anythin' else you want?" 

Leon nodded. He carried his box out of the room, and Carlos followed him, expecting him to get something from another room.

What he didn't expect was for Leon's meek voice hesitantly call Chris's name.

"What, Leon?" Chris snapped. Piers smacked his hand in scolding. 

"I…" Leon looked at his feet and fidgeted. "…Can… Can I have our blanket…?" 

Carlos expected Chris to rage, to yell and scream and remind Leon of what he'd done. 

Instead, Chris scoffed and looked at Piers, as if waiting for his guidance. 

Piers gave a light shrug. "It's up to you, Chris."

Without a word, Chris got up from the sofa and disappeared down the hallway. He returned with the comforter from the bed. Carlos expected him to have something nasty to say, to maybe rub it in his face he'd been fucking Piers on that blanket for however long. 

But all Chris did was fold the blanket up and put it on top of Leon's box before he returned to the sofa to hold Piers again.

Leon dropped his gaze again, and Carlos could feel the nervousness oozing from him. "Thanks…"

Chris nodded. There was still a hardness to his tone, but he seemed much calmer as he said, "It's for looking clean today." 

Tears gushed from Leon's eyes. His sobs were no longer containable, and he looked like all he wanted in that moment was to wrap his arms around Chris, kiss him, and beg with every fibre of his being for Chris's forgiveness.

Chris must have thought the same way, because his voice reached a true gentleness Carlos wondered had been the norm between them. "I'm glad you're looking well again."

Leon dropped the box to the ground and took a step towards Chris. Chris held his hand out to stop from him coming any closer. "C-chris…"

Chris shook his head. Carlos was relieved there was no bite to him now. "No, Leon. No. This is it for us."

Leon raised his hands to his eyes. He wiped tears away before he nodded. His voice wavered, thick with emotion, as he stuttered out a question. "Are you with Piers now…?"

Chris nodded. "I am, Leon."

Leon looked gutted, like any hope he had left that Chris might take him back was gone. Carlos almost expected a tantrum from how he remembered Leon to act before the treatment, but instead, Leon gave his own nod. The heartbreak was overwhelmingly evident in his voice, but there was still sincerity in him. "Okay. I hope you'll be happy with him, Chris. Really, I do."

Before anything more could be said, Leon grabbed his belongings again and hurried from the apartment. Carlos went to follow him, but he stopped when Chris called his name. 

"Yeah?" Carlos turned to face him, and for the first time since they'd been there, he saw how exhausted Chris looked. 

"Don't…" Chris reached for Piers's hand. Piers let him take it and kissed Chris's cheek. "Don't let him fall back down the black hole. He used to be a good guy."

"I won't," Carlos promised. "I'm gonna help him, Chris."

"Good." Chris looked away, and for just a moment, Carlos was sure he could see regret on his face. "Because I didn't know how to do it for him."

Carlos didn't linger. Whatever was going on inside Chris was something personal, and he was probably the last person he'd want to share his turmoil with.

So Carlos left, pretending Leon wasn't standing by his truck, crying his heart out into his blanket. He helped him put his belongings in the back seat, saying nothing about the way he clung to his blanket like it was the only link he had left to life.

Carlos drove, hoping the small amount of growth he'd witnessed from Leon promised he could do something for him.

Chapter Text

"This is my home." Carlos kicked closed the door to his apartment behind Leon and put his boxes down by the door. He gestured to the open plan in front of them, revealing that there really wasn't much to see. "You're welcome to help yourself to anythin' you want. Make yourself at home. I'll show you your room."

Leon looked nervous again as he followed Carlos. He was still holding his blanket like a lifeline, and Carlos let him; if it was what would help bring him comfort, that was all that mattered.

Carlos opened the door to the spare bedroom beside his own. "Here. This one's for you. You want some help puttin' your things away?"

Leon shook his head. He stepped further inside the room and looked around. Carlos had no doubt he'd fit all his belongings inside; he only worried if Leon could make it into a safe space for himself.

Leon took his blanket to the bed. He laid it tenderly on the bedside drawers so he could pull the original comforter off and replace it with his. Carlos said nothing; he only took the comforter when Leon brought it back to him.

"Anythin' you need, Leon?" Carlos offered.

"No." Leon looked at his feet for a few moments before he looked back into the room. He licked his lips. "I'm gonna put my stuff away."

"I'll bring you some food and drink soon. If you need anything, I'll be on the sofa." Carlos left Leon to his own devices. He grabbed himself a can of soda from the fridge and settled himself on the sofa, flicking through the channels in search of something to unwind to.

Leon kept to himself for a few hours. As Carlos had promised, he brought him a plate of fruit and a soda can, leaving them on the desk for him for when he wanted them. Carlos did some work on his laptop before he settled himself back down on the sofa and turned the football on, just wanting a quiet, relaxing day.

Leon joined him with his laptop some time during the last quarter of the game. Carlos smiled at him. "Did you get everythin' put away?"

"Yes." Leon diverted his gaze to his laptop. "Thank you."

Carlos couldn't help but notice how much quieter Leon was. He didn't know if it was the medication, the lack of alcohol, or just how Leon naturally was. No matter the reason, he didn't mind. "You're welcome, Leon."

Carlos didn't try to force conversation; Leon seemed happy playing with his laptop, and he didn't want to overwhelm him.

"When Chris and I started dating, I was the happiest I'd been in my entire life."

Carlos reached for the remote to mute the game so he could give Leon his utmost attention. He could see the sadness in his eyes, and he sounded distant, like he was working through things he hadn't really processed until now.

Leon frowned at his laptop. Carlos looked to see what was on the screen. His heart broke to see Leon looking at photos that had been taken of him and Chris together.

"You really loved him, didn't you?" Carlos murmured.

Leon nodded. "He was the first relationship I had I was actually happy in. I loved him so much, it was torture when we'd have to be away from each other for long. …But then, I got sick, and I guess I forgot how to cope with being alone."

Carlos knew so little about mental illness, but something in his gut told him it had to be a good thing for Leon to recognise he had been sick. "Yeah?"

Leon bowed his head. His eyes closed, and a heavy sigh escaped him. "I think… even with how I was acting and how I was treating him, he still loved me. And I took him for granted, because I knew how much Chris could shoulder and keep going. After I got sick, he stopped smiling as much. He got tired. And yet, he still loved me and tried to take care of me. And all I was ever really doing was making him feel like shit."

"You weren't well, Leon," Carlos comforted. "It's alright."

"I treated him like shit, and he still wanted me around." A single tear rolled down Leon's cheek. "…And then I cheated on him, and I broke his heart, and I probably really hurt you, too…"  

"Leon…" Carlos sighed, hoping he wouldn't mess everything up. "Look. Yes, it hurt. But you weren't well. I don't… I don't hold it against you. I know you were hurting. In a way, it was the only escape you had from that dark place, right? I can get feelin' trapped in a dark place – I think everyone has somethin' in their past that's scarred them even a little – and I can understand how terrifyin' it must be to be there. It hurt… It hurt a lot… But you wanted to stop feeling. None of us were winners in what you did, Leon. We all lost. It's why I don't hold it against you."

"You should." Leon turned away. "You should hate me. What I did was selfish and fucked up. I shouldn't even blame being sick for what I did. 'Cause I still knew what I was doing when I told you I spoke to Chris."

"Maybe." Carlos shrugged. "But I don't. I didn't see what hating you was going to achieve when Chris left you for it. No matter how much you tell me I should hate you, you're not gonna make me hate you, Leon; you got punishment enough."

Leon sighed. He looked at his lap, seeming to realise it was pointless to argue to point. "I can't stop wondering how different things would be if I went to Chris and told him I wasn't doing well. I thought by keeping everything from him, I was sparing him. But I… guess I was just sparing myself from having to admit to him I was weak."

"You should have told him, Leon. He could have helped you before you got any sicker." Carlos reached out to touch Leon's shoulder. To his surprise, Leon allowed the touch for a few moments before he pulled away.

"I knew I wasn't well," Leon admitted. "But I didn't know how bad I was. I was so confused. I didn't know I was making things up in my head; I only knew that everything was so confusing, and I didn't understand why nothing was making any sense. I didn't know I was confused until the shrinks showed me the security footage where I was anywhere but where I thought I was. I didn't want to believe I was confused. And sometimes… I wonder just how much I made up in my head that Chris knew I'd made up, yet he never told me I was confused… He must have really loved me, Carlos; even when he must have known I wasn't in touch with reality anymore, he still stuck by me…"

"Of course he did; he loved you a lot," Carlos murmured.

Leon's frown deepened. His eyes held a faraway look to them, like he was reliving the memories in his mind. "He was right what he said about me today. About how I couldn't handle going in our room without him because I knew what I'd tried to do to myself in there. Even the thought of going in there alone… It was like if I went back in there by myself, I might finish the job. But at least if Chris was with me, he could stop me. And it was so pathetic of me. I did that to myself, and I didn't even realise it was wearing Chris down more than myself because he had to go in there for anything I needed. On top of him already having to make sure I was eating and bathing and taking care of myself, he must have wondered why he was still with me…"

Carlos watched Leon's hands clench by his sides as a pained look crossed his face.

Leon licked his lips again. He closed his eyes in resignation. "I don't think we could even have been called lovers anymore; Chris was just my glorified babysitter by that point, and I hate myself for turning our relationship into that… And I told him so many times, despite everything he was doing for me, I hated him. I'd tell him he was such a shit partner and a shit person. I would tell him how much I hated him when really, it was myself I loathed… It was me who was the shit partner; not Chris."

"If Chris truly wasn't happy with what you guys had, I'm sure he would have left sooner," Carlos reminded. "I'm sure his priority was making sure you'd be okay."

Leon gave a bitter laugh. "I thought I needed him. I loved him, and I wanted to always be with him… But I got stuck in my head so much that I thought I needed him to survive. That if he ever died, or he left me, or… Or anything, I'd kill myself. Because I wouldn't know how to cope without Chris. That I was nothing without Chris. And yet… I realise I was so far gone at that point, I forgot I know how to stand on my own feet – I just… Somewhere along the way, I guess I forgot how to do that."

"You miss him?"

Leon nodded. "So fucking much… But after all the shit I was putting him through, he deserves Piers. I was selfish to think he could ever take me back. As much as I wanted him to… I know Piers will give him what he deserves. I know they'll be happy – happier than Chris had been with me for a long time… And that's all I want for him. It was all I wanted to do for him – make him happy – but instead, I think in the end, I was only making him as depressed as I was."

"You realise it now, and I'm so glad you're seeing it." And Carlos truly meant those words; to see the growth Leon was experiencing, after everything that had been said and done…

Leon turned away again. He held his laptop tight to his chest and stood. "I'm… going to have a shower."

"I'll start on making dinner after the game. You gonna join me?"

Carlos almost wasn't expecting for Leon to agree, so it came as a pleasant surprise for him to utter a soft yes before he left.

Carlos felt the hope overwhelm him; Leon was doing so good, and if he could just keep it up, he was confident Leon could be helped.

Chapter Text

"He's doin' great, Jill," Carlos told her over the phone as he drove home from the office. "I think the B.S.A.A. switched him with an imposter; he's been so polite."

Jill laughed. Her tone softened sympathetically as she replied. "He used to be. I think his work broke him more and more with every job they sent him on; he never really came back the same way."

Carlos hummed. "Can we get him out of the D.S.O? I'll take care of him, Jill; I'll find him a job he isn't staking his life on – hell, I'll even pay his rent for his own home if that's what he needs."

"I'm working on it," Jill promised. "I don't want them snatching him back up and ruining all the progress he's made."

"Hey, has he always been so quiet? He always had somethin' smart to say back at Chris's." Carlos chuckled.

"Yeah, that's Leon. He's a bit introverted, but he comes out of his shell, eventually."

"What, he's gotta fall in love with me first before I get more than yes and no's?" Carlos couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh, no, even Chris still got a lot of yes and no's." Carlos could hear the smile in her voice. "It's when he says more than a few words to you in a day you know he likes you."

"Oh, good, he's stopped wantin' to shank me, then." Carlos pulled his car into his apartment building's underground car lot. "I'm home now, Jill. I'll talk to you tomorrow, alright?"

"Oh, Carlos?" Jill sounded hopeful, but Carlos still recognised hesitance in her tone. "I'm having a get together at my place this weekend. I want you to be there. And I want Leon to come, but Chris and Piers are going to be there. I'll talk to Chris and see if he's going to be okay with Leon coming, but if he's not… You won't tell him, right? You'll stay home with him and keep him company?"

"'Course, Supercop," Carlos promised. "No harm done."  

Jill gave a relieved sigh. "You're seriously the best, Carlos. God, I love you."

Carlos smiled. "Love you, too, Jill. Talk tomorrow."

Carlos ended the call just as he pulled into his parking space. He turned the truck off and grabbed his work bag, holding it close to his side as he got out; there were a few dodgy residents of his apartment complex, and he really didn't feel like having to grab some kid and teach them a lesson for trying to steal his laptop.

He looked at his watch as he rode the elevator up to his floor. It was a little before nine pm, and he hoped Leon had eaten; Leon was doing well, but during their time together, there'd been a couple of times he'd forgotten to eat.

His apartment wasn't far from the elevator doors. His heavy footsteps were the only sound audible to his ears until the jingling of his keys as he unlocked the door replaced them. He pushed it open slowly and announced his presence lest he startle Leon.

"Leon? I'm home."

The lights were off, and only the TV lit the apartment up. The volume was low, and Carlos couldn't hear anything else inside. He closed the door behind him and looked around.

There was a plastic bag on the counter, and empty plastic takeaway containers next to it. Carlos smiled; even if Leon had ordered in, he'd still eaten, or at least had tried to; Carlos didn't know if he'd find a plate full of food or not in the morning.

He moved into the living area. He wasn't surprised to see Leon's hair splayed out on the arm of the sofa, the rest of him hidden beneath the blanket he'd once shared with Chris; Carlos had come home late several times now to find him passed out on the sofa, deep asleep.

Carlos knelt to scoop Leon up in his arms and carry him to his room. He kept him wrapped up in his blanket, doing his best not to jostle him and disturb his sleep – although from previous experience, once Leon had taken his Mirtazapine, he was dead to the world until the coming day.

Leon didn't wake, even as Carlos tenderly laid him down in his bed and made sure he was comfortable. He looked peaceful, and once Carlos had put his head on the pillow, he curled into a content ball. Carlos smiled and ruffled his hair before he left.

He showered before he got into bed, and while he considered rubbing one out before he slept, he passed on it; he was tired, and sleep was more appealing in the moment.

He wasn't sure how long he'd slept for before the squeaking of his bedroom door woke him. He reached for the bedside lamp to turn it on. "Leon…?"

Leon was standing in the doorway. There was an uneasy expression on his face. "Carlos… Can I sleep in here with you?"

"Eh?" Carlos wasn't sure he'd heard right.

"I just…" Leon fidgeted. He'd wrapped his blanket tight around him, but Carlos didn't miss the way his hands fumbled with each other. "I had a bad dream. I want to be with someone."

"Oh. Sure." Carlos pulled back the comforter, even though he knew there was no force in the planet that would take Leon's own comforter from him. "Get in."

"Thanks."

Carlos closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. He felt Leon join him in the bed, and while he'd expected for him to stay on the other side of the bed, Leon seemed to have other ideas; while Carlos didn't mind him snuggling against his side, he certainly hadn't anticipated it.

Carlos opened his eyes again to look at Leon. He reached out to stroke his hair slowly. "You doin' okay?"

"Uh-huh." He leaned into Carlos's hand. Carlos took it as a good sign; Leon had been physically distant most of the time, so to see him openly accepting affection… "Just shitty dreams."

"You wanna talk 'bout it?" Carlos felt him move even closer.

Leon shook his head. He yawned softly before he murmured, "Tired… Maybe tomorrow."

Carlos chuckled. "Go to sleep, Leon. I'm here with you."

Leon was asleep again in minutes. But Carlos couldn't follow him back into oblivion; not when he found himself plagued by the realisation of how close they were, and the implications it brought with it.

Carlos gave a heavy sigh and tried not to let his mind wander too much. It was too late; he was tired; maybe he'd deal with it tomorrow.

But no matter what Carlos told himself, sleep didn't come easily.

***

Carlos had woken in a very awkward position. He'd never been so relieved that Leon no longer woke up at the drop of a penny because the last thing he wanted was for him to realise they'd been sleeping, tangled in each other's bodies, with their morning hard-ons pressed together.

He disentangled them and slipped out of the bed. He spent his morning cleaning the apartment, doing housework he'd been neglecting for a few days, and then settled on the sofa with a coffee to relax for a while.

Leon didn't wake anymore until after lunch. Carlos had to do the grocery shopping, and though he doubted Leon would come, he wanted to extend him the offer; Leon hadn't left the apartment in the month he'd been here, and somehow, Carlos doubted he'd left Chris's apartment much, either.

Sure enough, just after twelve-thirty, Leon stumbled from the bedroom. He swayed heavily, unsteady on his feet – a never-ending side effect of his medications, Carlos knew, but one that would subside within an hour or two once he'd woken up a little more.

"Mornin'," Carlos called. He heard Leon mumble a response on his way to the kitchen for a coffee. "I'm gonna go do a food shop soon; you wanna come?"

Leon mumbled again. Carlos heard him turning the coffee machine on, so he didn't press; he'd give him time to wake up first.

Leon came to join him on the sofa with his coffee. He tucked his legs beneath him and dropped his head onto Carlos's shoulder. His eyes were closed, and Carlos thought he looked like he was at peace.

When Leon murmured, surprise almost took Carlos; Leon was a man of few words, let alone words out of the blue. "Yeah. I'll come."

Carlos wasn't sure what had sparked Leon's desire for closeness, but he didn't ask; the last thing he wanted was to scare him away when he was starting to open up.

"Cool. Anythin' you want? Favourite food? Drink?"

Leon gave a relaxed sigh. He moved closer, resting their sides against one another. "I don't care."

Carlos instinctively wrapped his arm around Leon and held him close. He was reminded again of the intrusive thoughts he'd had last night at letting Leon sleep next to him – but was it really such a bad thing? This Leon differed from the one who had caused all the problems and left both Carlos and Chris with gaping holes in their hearts.

"Hey, Leon?" Carlos had to bring it up; he had to know if he was reading too deeply into things, and if Leon himself thought it would be dumb for Carlos to even consider him in that kind of way after what he'd done. "You comfy?"

Leon hummed. He nodded. "You're warm, like Chris."

Carlos chuckled. He couldn't help but make a joke. "So I'm your new Chris, am I?"

Leon frowned, and for a moment, Carlos thought he'd gone too far. Leon tilted his head up to look at him and murmur. "Aren't we…?"

It was Carlos's turn to frown now. "Leon, I… I… What made you think that?"

Leon squeezed his eyes closed tight. Carlos didn't miss the tears that had welled. "I thought we'd talked about – never mind. It doesn't matter. Just… Sorry."

Carlos held Leon tight to him when he tried to move away. He was as gentle as he could be as he murmured, "We didn't. But we can talk 'bout it now if you'd like."

Leon turned away. "You'll hate me."

"I won't, Leon." Carlos reached for Leon's face to cup his cheek and force him to face him. "I just need to know one thing first; this isn't any attempt to replace Chris, or make him jealous, or some other plot to use me to get him to take you back, is it?"

Leon shook his head. His eyelids lowered, and a resigned look crossed his face. "No. But I get why you're worried. If Chris is happy, I don't want to ruin that. I… I already ruined enough for him…"

Carlos reached for Leon's hand and squeezed it. "You know, if I ever agreed to anythin', and I ever thought you wanted me for nothin' more than to have Chris back, I'd have to leave, too. And if you ever cheated on me…"

Leon sniffed back tears. He shook his head. "It's nothing like that, Carlos. I swear. I learnt my lesson."

Carlos took a deep breath. He squeezed Leon's hand again. "If this is somethin' you want – for healthy reasons – I… Am not against seeing where it leads. And I'm only okay with this 'cause you've been doin' so well. I do care 'bout ya, Leon, and I see how far you're getting. If this is something you want… We can try it. But there need to be boundaries and ground rules; you did things in the past that can't be forgotten. If you understand and agree to that, it's your call, Leon."

Leon nodded. "I get it. I just… I like you. I want to try it."

"As long as you remember I'm Carlos and not Chris, it's okay," Carlos promised. He rubbed Leon's cheek with his thumb. "And if you make a mistake and get confused, I won't hold it against you. Okay? I'll be gentle about it. 'Cause that's not your fault."

A single tear rolled down Leon's cheek. "I'm trying…"

"I know you are. And that's why I'm okay with tryin' this."

Leon sniffed. He moved closer again and dropped his face on Carlos's shoulder. "Thanks… For not making me feel like the piece of shit I am."

Carlos wrapped himself around Leon and held him close. He didn't say anything about Leon's words; instead, he whispered into his ear, "Can I kiss you?"

Leon nodded. He pulled back, letting Carlos lean in close. Their lips pressed together, and tears streamed down his cheeks.

Carlos wiped them away, never breaking the kiss. He didn't expect for him to get over Chris so soon, and he could deal with this for now. He broke the kiss and rested their foreheads together. "You good, Leon?"

Leon nodded. He reached up to wipe his tears away. "Sorry…"

"Don't be sorry; it's okay," Carlos assured. He reached up to stroke Leon's hair as he made another joke. "Just don't call Chris's name when we're in bed together and we're all good, Leon."

Leon laughed. He dropped his head onto Carlos's shoulder again. "I won't. I'm… I'm moving on."

"That's what I want to hear." Carlos squeezed Leon's shoulder affectionately. "Let me know when you're ready; we can get the shoppin' out of the way and spend the rest of the day together if ya want."

"I…" Leon licked his lips. He looked down, like he'd forgotten how to react to such simple invitations. "I'd like that… Thanks."

Carlos kissed the top of Leon's head. "Anytime."

Chapter Text

Carlos hummed curiously at the text message Jill had sent him before he turned his attention to Leon. Leon was curled up on the sofa with his blanket as he read a book in peace, and he looked so calm, so relaxed, Carlos almost wanted to leave him be.

He looked back at the text message and read it once more, wondering if doing so would help him decide. Chris finally decided. He's okay with Leon coming. He just wants him to stay away from Piers.

Carlos nodded to himself, deciding; he'd at least extend Leon the invitation and let him decide for himself – he deserved it after the progress he'd been making.

A crack of thunder sounded somewhere in the distance, and the lights flickered from the rain as Carlos approached the sofa. He wondered how inviting Leon to Jill's get-together would go; Leon was introverted, and Carlos couldn't see him as the type to attend anything with more than a few people.

"Hey, Leon?" Carlos came to take a seat with him. He waited until Leon was looking at him before he said, "Jill's havin' a get-together tonight, and she wants us to be there. Chris and Piers are gonna be there, but she said Chris doesn't mind if you come."

Leon frowned. He carefully closed his book and placed it on the coffee table. He tugged his blanket tighter around him as an uncomfortable expression crossed his face. He was silent for so long, Carlos wondered if he'd dropped a bombshell on his psyche.

Finally, Leon murmured. "He won't… You don't think he'll say anything to me?"

"No," Carlos promised. He remembered that day in Chris's apartment, when they'd been getting Leon's things, and Chris had seemed to still want the best for his ex. "I think he's a little more grownup than that. He's okay with you comin', after all."

Leon's eyes raced from side-to-side. He swallowed thickly before he continued. "We can leave if he starts anything?"

"We can leave. It's okay." Carlos understood Leon's hesitancy; after coming so far, a fight with Chris was probably the last thing he needed in his life. "Just let me know if you're gettin' stressed or uncomfortable."

"Thanks." Leon looked at his wristwatch. He seemed a tad more relaxed now, like he trusted Carlos would look after him. "When do we have to be there by?"

"In two hours."

"Alright. I'll come." Leon sat up and kissed Carlos. He still looked nervous when he pulled away, but Carlos could see the trust in his eyes. "I'm gonna eat something and shower first."

Carlos chuckled. His eyes wandered onto the hickies he'd left on Leon's neck last night before they'd slept. "What about me?"

Leon snorted. He thumped Carlos's arm playfully. He turned away, but Carlos didn't miss the blush he donned. "I meant actual food."

"I'm food." Carlos laughed as Leon's blush deepened. He grabbed Leon's shoulders and kissed the top of his head. "It's okay; I was jokin'. Go eat something before we leave."

Leon left. Carlos heard him moving around in the kitchen, so he let him be and went to their room to pick out clothing. He still hadn't decided on his outfit by the time Leon came in to wrap his arms around him and plaster himself to his back.

"Hey, there." Carlos put his good dress shirt down in the chest of drawers again to instead reach up and touch his hand. "You doin' alright?"

Leon nodded into Carlos's back. "Yeah. Just… I changed my mind."

Carlos could feel Leon's arousal pressing against him. He felt himself twitch in response. He clasped Leon's hand in his own and squeezed. "Yeah?"

Leon nodded. "Maybe I would rather eat you instead…"

Carlos chuckled. "You don't have to, Leon. I was just jokin'. You don't have to."

A slight red tinge appeared on Leon's cheeks when Carlos turned his head to face him. "I like to… I like blowing my boyfriends."

Carlos hummed. His fatigues were feeling tighter and tighter by the moment. He reached behind him to touch Leon's hip and drag his fingertips against his battle-scarred flesh. "Yeah? I thought you did; you're always on your knees for me when we're intimate."

Leon made an undignified noise. He shifted behind Carlos.

Carlos looked at his watch. They had time, and if Leon was in the mood… "You want to, Leon?"

"Yeah. I like…" Leon looked down, like he couldn't believe what he was about to admit to. "I like how you're slow and gentle with me. I hadn't done it like that with Chris since before I got sick. I forgot how much I liked feeling cared about, and like I'm not just some sex toy."

Carlos turned around to pull Leon into his arms. "You're not a sex toy, and I'm glad you're enjoyin' what we do together. Let me know if there's anythin' more you want. I'll give it to you."

Leon wrapped his arms around Carlos's neck and held him tight. He looked flushed already, like just thinking about things was getting him close. "I want… you to take your time fingering me today. I just want to enjoy it for a bit."

Carlos kissed Leon's lips. "'Course I can. Go lay down; I'll get the lube and condoms."

Leon obeyed. Carlos watched him go, admiring how beautiful he was – even more so when he was looking so healthy.

Sometimes, Carlos wondered if Chris had once upon a time felt the same towards Leon as he did, because Carlos was finding himself falling more and more with every day.

***

Carlos wasn't surprised by Leon sticking tight to his side and keeping his head down as they walked into Jill's apartment; he'd been growing quieter than usual in the car, fidgeting, and Carlos felt bad he'd asked at all; he was sure Leon would have been happier finishing his book before bed.

"You alright?" Carlos wrapped his arm around Leon's waist. He smiled when Leon nodded. "We can go home if it's too much for you. Jill would understand." 

"It's fine." Leon let Carlos open the door. His head stayed down, and he tucked tight into himself, but he responded to Jill's dog when he came for pats. 

Carlos smiled at the way Leon obliged the animal and stroked his head. He patted the dog as well before he pulled back and let Leon stand on his own two feet. "You sure you're good?"

"Yeah." Leon visibly cringed at the raucous laughter from around the corner of the entrance hallway. He didn't look happy to be there, but Carlos didn't push him. "I'm good."

Carlos led him into the living room. It was alive with more bodies than he'd been expecting, but then again, Jill was popular amongst the B.S.A.A. and it was only natural she had so many friends in it.

"Carlos! Leon!" Carlos smiled as Jill pushed her way through the crowd to greet them. She had whiskey in her hand, and Carlos was immediately aware of the uncomfortable noise Leon made in the back of his throat, like it physically pained him to see it. He realised now how hard it must be for Leon to be thrown back amongst such a serious past addiction, and he regretted bringing him along; what if this set him back into his alcoholism? He'd never forgive himself if Leon relapsed. "Glad to see you both!"

"You too, Jill." Carlos hugged her tight and kissed her cheek. "Havin' fun?"

Jill laughed heartily. "Yeah! Leon, you're looking so well!"

Leon's smile was shy as he leaned into Jill's hands cupping his face. "Thanks, Jill. I'm okay."

"Yeah, you look it!" Jill pulled Leon into a hug so tight, so intimate, Carlos knew it expressed emotion different from what she hugged him with. "I'm so glad! It's been so long since I've seen you look so healthy! And clean, too! Chris had to fight you to get you into the shower, and Carlos says you're looking after yourself instead now!"

"Yeah. I'm better, Jill." Leon returned the embrace. He rested his face on top of her head, like he was enjoying the warmth more than anything else at that moment. Carlos didn't miss the disappointment on his face when Jill pulled away.

"Have fun, alright, guys!" Jill was almost shouting over the racket. "Grab me if you need anything!"

Jill was gone. Carlos turned to Leon and smiled. He gestured around the room at the strangers, hoping they weren't too overwhelming for Leon. "You know these guys, right?"

"Yeah…" Leon scuffed his boot nervously now that Jill was gone. "Some of them. Just from when I'd visit Chris at his office."

"Anyone you wanna say hi to?" Carlos wondered if he should have been sad that Leon only shook his head; did Leon not have any other friends? He knew he was close to Chris's sister, but she didn't seem to be here. "That's alright. We'll find a corner just for us, alright?"

Leon nodded. Carlos found the most isolated corner he could, tucked in between the dividing wall of the kitchen and the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. He made sure Leon was comfortable hiding behind a potted plant before he stood again.

"I'm gonna grab a beer," Carlos murmured. "You want anythin'?"

Carlos hoped he wouldn't ask for alcohol; it scared him to think that if he were to drink, he'd go back on all the progress he'd made. But to his relief, Leon quietly asked for a coke, and Carlos went to oblige him.

He passed Chris and Piers on his way into the kitchen. The two were mingling with another group of men Carlos could only assume they knew very well with Chris's ranking in the B.S.A.A. Chris was too focused on talking to notice him, but Piers met his eyes and nodded.

Carlos returned the acknowledgement. He grabbed himself a beer and a can of coke for Leon. "Let me know if you want anythin' else, Leon."

"Thanks…" Leon kept his head ducked as he opened the can and took a sip. He was looking around the apartment, watching everyone warily. He frowned when a few men he knew from the B.S.A.A. approached, reeking of alcohol. He tensed. "Carlos…"

"It's alright." Carlos took Leon's hand and squeezed it. "You're safe."

"Hey, Leon!" One of the men almost swayed on the spot as he slurred. "Why'd 'cha and Chris break up? He refuses to tell anyone, and now the whole B.S.A.A. keeps wondering!"

Leon's frown grew. His eyes darted over to where Chris and Piers were. Chris had his arm around Piers's waist, holding him close, looking happier than Leon could remember seeing him in years. "He… What did he say?"

One of the other men shrugged. He sounded less slurred, more clearheaded, but still obnoxiously intrigued. "That's the thing; he won't say anything! He was crazy for you, and then suddenly he was with Piers. Every time someone asks about what happened between you two, he says it's nobody's business but his and yours. And we all really wanna know!"

Leon looked stunned. Carlos stepped in, worried it was going to get too much for him. "Well, Chris is right; it is their business. Chris doesn't want to spread things, and neither does Leon."

The men looked disappointed, but they seemed to accept the answer. They left, talking between themselves about how they'd find out one day. Leon breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks…" Leon fumbled with his coke can nervously. "I was worrying."

"Don't be worried; I've got you," Carlos promised. "You're safe."

"Why isn't Chris telling anyone?" Leon whispered. "I… I'd deserve that…"

Carlos frowned. "I keep telling ya; he's a bit more grown up than you're givin' him credit for."

Leon didn't look convinced. "But…"

Leon fell silent, focused on his coke as he pondered. The party was slowly dying down, and Carlos took the opportunity to wave Piers over when their eyes met; if it would help soothe Leon, he'd ask.

"Hey, man." Carlos gestured at Leon once Piers was sitting with them. "Is it true Chris isn't telling anyone why he and Leon broke up?"

"Yeah." Piers took a drink of his beer before he continued. "He knows how much people respect Leon. He didn't want to start a witch hunt against him."

"See, Leon, I told you he's more grown up than that," Carlos promised. He frowned when Leon still raised his hand to touch his nose and mouth, like he was remembering the punch he'd received when Chris had found out he'd cheated. Carlos frowned. He reached for Leon's shoulders. "Leon, hey…"

"Chris doesn't spread shit either," Piers reminded. "He pulls people up when he hears them speculating. They –"

"- Piers!" Carlos frowned at the way Chris called him back angrily. "Get away from them!"

"Shit, sorry, man. He still paranoid?" Carlos rubbed the back of his head, feeling terrible about calling Piers over at all.

Piers sighed. He got back to his feet and smiled, but there was a sudden tiredness to his expression. "We're working on it. I get where he comes from with it."

Piers left, and Carlos pulled Leon against him. He said nothing about the distrust Chris seemed to have for Piers; the last thing Leon needed to be reminded of was that it was his fault Chris was struggling.

Instead, he squeezed his shoulders and murmured, "See? Chris sticks up for you. You're fine."

"I don't deserve him sticking up for me…" Leon put his now empty can beside him and pulled his knees to his chest.

"I'll get you another coke," Carlos promised.

More and more people were leaving as Carlos fetched Leon another drink. As much of a social butterfly as he was, he was glad, for Leon's sake. He watched the strangers filter out of the door, in a slow, yet steady trickle, until all that was left were Carlos and Leon in their corner, and Chris and Piers on the sofa with Jill.

"Hey, what are you two doing by yourselves?" By now, Jill had switched to drinking coke. There was a hint of tipsy in her tone, but she sounded as happy as ever. "Come over here and socialise with me!"

Carlos took Leon's hand and encouraged him to join the others. They sat close together on the opposite sofa, and now, Leon seemed even more withdrawn.

Carlos noted how Leon's eyes kept flickering to Chris and Piers. He supposed it had something to do with the way Chris was holding Piers on his lap, stroking every inch of his body and kissing along his neck as he listened to Jill. Piers's eyes were closed, his head tilted back on Chris's shoulder. His breathing was so calm, relaxed, and even if Carlos noticed the hint of an erection in his fatigues, he just seemed truly content to be in Chris's hold.

Carlos reached for Leon's hand and held it, not sure if Jill had told Chris they were dating, or if Chris should even know at all. But Leon moved closer, pressing into his side, and kissed the corner of his lips.

Chris's hands fell still on Piers's body. He raised his eyebrow, and for a moment, Carlos thought he was mad.

A tiny smile crossed Chris's face. "Carlos and Leon? Well… I guess it's kind of cute."

Carlos chuckled. He wrapped his arm around Leon's shoulders and held him closer. He kissed the top of Leon's head. "What d'you mean kind of? You've seen our handsome mugs, right?"

Leon looked at his lap like he wasn't sure how to react. Jill was busy cooing over how sweet it was for Chris to be so accepting despite everything. Piers excused himself for water, and Chris released him from his arms so he could leave.

Moments later, Leon excused himself as well. Carlos thought nothing of it; he'd been so well behaved all night, and it was probably natural for him to want to stretch his legs.

But Chris seemed to think otherwise, because once Leon was out of sight, a look of anger crossed his face, and he almost shot to his feet. "Piers!"

"Chris, what's wrong?" Jill reached for Chris's hand. "You okay?"

"No, Jill, it's not okay!" Chris snapped. "If Leon's in there with Piers, I –!"

"- Chris!" Jill didn't hide the disapproval in her voice. "What do you think Piers is to you?!"

"My boyfriend," Chris growled. He tried to tug himself away from Jill's hand. "If he's fucking around with Leon, I –"

"- Chris…" Carlos couldn't keep the hurt from his voice. "Who are you even suspicious of?"

"Both of them!"

"They can't just have a little one-on-one talk?" Carlos frowned. He wasn't even sure they were in the same room, but if they were, he trusted them together; he'd seen the progress Leon had been making, and he trusted that cheating was behind him.

"Chris, you can't be serious." Jill sounded flabbergasted. "Did Leon cheating on you mess you up that much? Piers would die for you; he's not going to cheat on you."

"I don't trust him with Leon!" Chris snapped.  

"Hold on just a minute, Chris." Jill tugged Chris back onto the sofa. "Listen to me. If Piers was alone in a room with anyone else, would you trust him?"

"That's not the point!"

"Chris, do I need to remind you of the time we had to rush Piers back for emergency treatment after he jumped between you and a B.O.W?" Jill shook her head. "How many times has he almost gotten himself killed for you? And you're seriously sitting here telling us you think he's going to cheat on you."

"He's in there with Leon," Chris growled.

"Yes. He is in there with Leon," Jill growled back. "And let me tell you this, Chris. We understand why you don't trust Leon. That's completely fine. What isn't fine is treating Piers like he's a cheater, too. I'll slap you if you ever accuse him of cheating. We understand why you can't trust Leon, but at least trust Piers."

"Not when he's with Leon!"

Carlos raised his hands in defence. "Alright, man, look, I'll go in there and check on them and see what they're doin'."

"Not you, Oliveira! You were part of it!"

"Chris!" Jill sighed heavily. "Alright. Carlos and I are going to go in there and –"

"- I am going to go in there!" Chris argued.

"Chris, what is your problem? You think we're going to go in there and have a foursome in my kitchen?"

"Yes!"

"Okay. Then we're all going to go in there and make sure everything's fine," Jill instructed. "Let's go. They're probably just chatting."

Chris seemed fine with the compromise. Carlos trusted it would be nothing, and sure enough, once they'd stopped outside the door to peer into the kitchen, he saw Piers and Leon standing by the fridge, plenty of room between them as they talked calmly, almost like old friends who hadn't seen each other for years after a falling out.

"And I'm sorry for that, Piers," Carlos could hear Leon murmuring. He wished he could have been there for the start of the conversation. "I wanted to make him happy, but I can't do that anymore. I was making him depressed in the end. So please look after him for me. I just want him to be happy."

"I am," Piers promised. "We're working on his trust. It's going to be a long road, but I'm trying to be patient."

"You guys are really happy together, huh?" Leon looked down. "Chris used to hold me like that. Before I got sick. You were always his favourite at the B.S.A.A. – aside from Jill. He talked about you all the time."

Piers offered a gentle smile. "I'm not here to rub anything in your face, Leon. Just know that things are going good between us. I love him. Gotta say, I was a bit worried when you followed me in here. I thought you were going to try and take Chris back or something. So I'm really glad you're accepting us being together now. Chris and I thought you might not be able to accept it."  

"I…" Leon swallowed. "I'm… I'm happy for Chris. I used to think he would be happier if he left me, but I was selfish. I wanted him to be happy, but I didn't want to let him go so he could be happy. I'm glad to see him smiling again. And I'm happy that you have him, because even the times when I was an asshole and told him he was a shit partner and made him cry in our bedroom for hours, he really wasn't. You're so lucky to have him, Piers."

"Thanks, Leon. You're looking happy yourself these days."

Leon smiled. "I think I am. I'm moving on from Chris. I'm slowly getting there."

"Good to hear, buddy." Piers patted Leon's arm. "I'd better get back to Chris before he worries."

"Thanks for looking out for him," Leon murmured.

Carlos ushered Chris and Jill back to the sofas so they weren't found eavesdropping. Carlos was glad to see Chris looking so much calmer, like the conversation had reinforced trust in his partner.

When Piers returned, Chris pulled him back onto his lap, holding him in such a tender, loving embrace, Carlos could feel all the love he had for him.

Leon returned next with an unopened can of coke in hand. He sat next to Carlos, going quiet again, content with just listening.

And just as Carlos felt it was late enough to go home and get some rest, Jill made an excited sound and called their names.

"I almost forgot!" Jill almost bounced in her seat. "Okay. So. Now this was all Chris so thank him instead of me. But Chris pulled his strings again, and the D.S.O has officially signed Leon over to our B.S.A.A. branch. He doesn't have to ever go back on the field if he doesn't want to."

"That's great!" Carlos grabbed Leon's knee and squeezed. "Leon, you're free."

Leon looked puzzled, like the news hadn't entirely sank in. "Chris… did that… For me?"

"You hurt me, Leon. Broke my fucking heart." Chris shrugged. "But I get you hurt me because you were hurting. Doesn't mean I forgive you for what you did… But all I ever wanted for you was to be okay. That never changed. No matter what."

Tears overflowed from Leon's eyes. He shook his head. "I don't deserve it."

"You were sick," Jill murmured. "And you attempted to get better. Chris isn't a villain; you of all people should know that, Leon. You helped yourself to get better, and Chris acknowledged it."

"I'll never forgive you for what you did," Chris murmured. "But I don't hate you. You weren't well, and part of it was my fault for not getting you the help you needed. That's why I don't hate you. It would have been a different story if you did it and you weren't sick."

Leon wiped his eyes. "I don't… know… how to…"

"You don't have to say anything," Jill promised. "You've got an office at the B.S.A.A. if you want it. You'll be with me, and unless you want to be sent out on the field, it'll be desk work. To keep you busy if you're struggling to work out what to do with yourself these days."

Leon let out a loud sob. He moved so quickly to wrap his arms around Jill, Carlos almost didn't see him move. Jill returned the hug before Leon pulled away and hugged Chris next. To Carlos's surprise, Chris allowed the embrace for all of six seconds before he pushed at Leon's shoulders.

"It's fine, Leon," Chris muttered. "You should know me well enough to know I don't kick people when they're down. Even when they've hurt me."

"I'm sorry for what I did, Chris," Leon whispered tearfully.

"I know you are, Leon," Chris promised. "I know you are."

Carlos reached out for Leon's hand. "You wanna go home, Leon?"

Leon nodded. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm… tired."

"We'll see you around, Leon," Chris murmured. Piers offered a smile.

"Come visit me again, Leon." Jill got to her feet to see them off. "We'll take my dog for a walk together again."

"Yeah… Yeah, I'd love that." Leon gave a tearful smile.

And for the first time, Carlos knew Leon was going to get better.