Actions

Work Header

Waste It On Me

Summary:

After a failed engagement with Yoongi, the supposed love of his life, Hoseok has had a streak of bad luck with flings and one attempt at a new relationship that burst into flames before it even really began. He’s ready to give up on love entirely. The last thing he wants to do is go to a destination wedding in Hawaii, even for his best friends Jimin and Taehyung… especially knowing his ex-fiancé will be in attendance as well. Being the good friend that he is, he summons up all of his courage to attend solo, be Jimin’s best man, and get the whole thing over with. He’s determined to keep his head low and focus on the people who matter.

Things get more complicated when Taehyung’s cousin Namjoon (who used to have a crush on him in their college days before he met Yoongi, before Namjoon moved away to the US) is suddenly everywhere he looks, lives permanently in Seoul again, is more handsome than ever before, and on top of that, shamelessly flirts with him at every given opportunity. Oh, and Yoongi brings a plus one, too.

Old romances will be reminisced and new ones will bloom, all under the romantic and picturesque glow of Hawaiian sunshine.

Chapter 1: Chapter One: Only Fools Do What I Do

Notes:

Hellooo!!! Firstly, thank you very much for clicking on this story and checking it out. I'm happy you're here! Also happy belated birthday to our wonderful Hobi. <3

I wasn't planning to post this yet because I've been very preoccupied with my other story, And Everything Changed, which A) has completely different vibes and B) is a massive universe, so it takes up an incredible amount of time and focus (to anyone who follows that story, I plan to update that soon!). Despite everything, I decided to post this because it's been nice working on a project with more light-hearted themes and a shorter story in general (not to mention I have been extra weak for Namseok lately, and this idea has been on my mind for over a year already). I imagine it'll be roughly 10 chapters, give or take. This is mostly inspired by the song (ofc) and Bon Voyage, but you'll likely see many references to various things if you squint! This starts out light-hearted and over-the-top cheesy thanks to the flirting, but I promise it gets more serious after the first chapter.

Check out this playlist I made for this story (to get the right vibes). x

The mood board was made by yours truly! Come say hi on twitter.

Now enough of my rambling. Onto the story! Enjoy, my lovely readers :D

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Chapter One: Only Fools Do What I Do

Beep beep. Beep beep. The shrill tone of his alarm sounds loudly in the quiet of his bedroom. With a low groan of protest, he peels his eyes open and feels around for his buzzing cell phone. Normally he doesn’t dread waking up, and most people likely would be excited to wake up and fly to Hawaii, but Hoseok isn’t most people, and he’s dreading having to face all of the conflicting emotions he ordinarily ignores in favour of being productive. He knows this “vacation” is going to be taxing, even though he shouldn’t think about his best friend’s wedding like that. 

For just a few quiet moments, he’ll let himself be mopey and tired. When his plane touches down, he’ll put a mask on and be his typical happy, cheerful self that all of Jimin and Taehyung’s family and friends know him to be. He won’t show them just how torn up he is on the inside. He knows that he’s going to have to face the numerous prying questions, the whispers behind his back, the glances between him and Yoongi, and he doesn’t have it in him yet, or maybe ever. 

He lets out a heavy sigh and presses his pillow to his face. His nose wrinkles at the smell-- when was the last time he washed his pillowcase? He’s been so busy with work lately that he’s hardly been home and he detests that his apartment cleanliness is suffering from it. 

That ends up being the push he needs to get out of bed. Getting up to face a wedding crowd is daunting and a little bit terrifying, but getting up to clean his home certainly isn’t. Tidying up and organizing is always calming to him, so maybe it’s just what he needs to get through the morning. He stands from his bed, collecting the pillowcases, sheets, and bedding into his arms before trudging down the hallway to his washer. He loads it and starts it before carrying on with his typical morning routine: brushing his teeth, showering, shaving, skincare. He does all of this very attentively, trying to block out any thoughts of what the day will bring. 

Once he’s done with the usual things, he methodically begins to clean: he dusts all of the shelves, cleans all of the surfaces, scrubs the bathroom from floor to ceiling, sweeps, mops, vacuums, rounds up household laundry, and then neatly folds everything as it comes out of the dryer. It’s a successful time killer, and looking around seeing his spotless apartment, he feels better on the inside. It’ll be nice returning home to a clean apartment. 

A glance at the clock tells him that he still has about fifteen minutes before he has to leave. If he still lived in Doksan with Yoongi, he would have already had to have left to get to the airport on time. It’s been almost a year since they’ve broken up and he moved out, and yet he still hasn’t adjusted to his shorter commute from Songdo. He used to give himself about fifty minutes to an hour to get to the airport, and the habit is so deeply ingrained in him that he always feels like he’s running just slightly late whenever he leaves later than he used to. 

It’s at this moment that he really wishes things had gone a different direction with Minji. Of course, he wishes that often since their breakup last month, but right now… he wouldn’t be attending this event alone if they’d lasted. He stares at his suitcase, checking to make sure he’s got everything he needs, but gets lost in the reminders of his last relationship, if you could even call it that. They ended before they even had a chance to begin. 

“Minji-yah, have you ever wanted to go to Hawaii?” he asks, trailing a hand down her naked backside, brushing her long, wavy locks away from the base of her spine. She shivers against his chest, giving him an excited smile. 

“Of course I have. Is this you asking me on a trip? I thought you’d never ask!” she exclaims, playfully poking his collar bone with her manicured nail. “I can’t wait to have mind blowing sex on the beach.” 

Hoseok hums in affirmation, nudging his thigh between hers. The soft skin of her thighs is silky smooth as his slides through them. He can feel the wetness there, and the temptation to taste is a hard one to resist, but he needs to muster up his courage to ask her things before proceeding with round two. 

“Consider that a standing offer,” he murmurs, flashing her a genuine smile. “The trip to Hawaii would be a little more than a vacation, though,” he elaborates, bringing his other hand up to her cheek. Her brown eyes gleam with intrigue. “Do you know my friends that I’ve talked about, Jimin and Taehyung?” A nod from her is enough for him to continue on. “They’re about to get married, and since same sex marriage still isn’t acknowledged here, they’re doing it on foreign soil. I was hoping you’d like to come with me… as my girlfriend,” he asks, the slightest hesitation in his words exposing his nerves. 

They only get more intense as she blinks, shocked, and purses her lips before flicking her gaze away from his. That’s honestly all of the answer he needed. They’ve only seen each other five times over the past two weeks, but she’s the only one since Yoongi who’s ever made him want something more than just sex. It’s too soon, and he knows it all too well watching her pull away from him. He can feel his already tired heart race, not in a good way. 

“Oppa, I… I really like you, but I don’t think I can do that,” she says, offering him a sympathetic smile. She pulls the bed sheets against chest her, adjusting to sit off to Hoseok’s side. He naturally moves with her to accommodate the movement, but he hates that he feels her less and less as she speaks. 

“We don’t have to rush it,” he says, hoping this won’t be another end for him. He loves hearing her talk about her dance studio, and the hobbies she does to fill her time. If she leaves now, he’s already invested enough that he’s going to miss her. They have all the same interests, the same political views, the same relative outlook on life. He’s not sure exactly how their long term life goals line up, but he wants to have those conversations with her someday. On paper, they seem perfect together. “I really like you, too.” 

She sighs softly and doesn’t meet his eyes, and she doesn’t accept his hand when he tries to grab hers. He feels his hopes plummet entirely to rock bottom at her body language and almost wishes he could just run away before she has the ability to say anything more. He doesn’t want to hear it. “Oppa, I just… I don’t think we’d make a good permanent match. We’re great in bed, but you’re just not… someone to commit to?” 

The words cut like a knife, sharp and cold as steel. It jabs right into one of his weakest spots, one of his biggest insecurities after him. He can feel the wetness welling in his eyes despite his attempt to blink it away. “Oh no, that came out so harsh, I’m sorry!” she exclaims, bringing a hand to her lips. “I just mean… like, what we have right now is good. It’s casual, and you’re really nice, but… if we go to a wedding together, I’m not going to know anybody besides you and I’m sure people will ask us those typical questions like when are we getting married, have we talked about it, all of that stuff, and I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now. I don’t think I could ever see us being serious in the future.” The more she talks, the more upset he feels and he’s reminded just how painful relationships ending can be. He remembers when it was Yoongi, saying the words that burned up his entire dream of the future like a picture wilting and turning to ash in a fire. This is nowhere near the same scale, and he'd probably be able to walk away from this unscathed, but her words only add fuel to the fire Yoongi started in his heart. "I think you're really sweet and genuine, but I get really clingy in relationships. I think I would need someone... else..." 

With a shaky exhale, he sits up and turns his back to her. He can tell his reaction makes it worse, and she nervously keeps talking, only making it worse. Hoseok knows her well enough to know she doesn’t mean to be hurtful and that this moment, she’s putting her foot in her mouth trying to make it better, but it’s hitting him where he’s weakest. She doesn’t even know that some of her words are an echo of what was said to him before, but that doesn’t make it easier for him to deal with. If anything, it proves them right. “It’s just… you’re barely home, y’know? You’re away with work more often than home, and… I’m not… confident enough to be alone that much in a serious relationship,” she says, trying to touch his shoulder, but he shrugs her off. “You could literally have anyone you wanted, any girl, any guy… in any country. I don't think you're the type who would ever act on that, but I think I would always worry because of my own insecurities. I can’t compete with that, it would eat me alive, oppa. I’m sorry,” she whispers, awkwardly patting the shoulder he tried to shrug her off of. 

“I get it,” he snaps, getting up from the bed. He runs a hand through his hair in attempt to soothe himself, but guilt already pools in his stomach at his behaviour. “I'm sorry, Minji-yah... maybe you should just go.” All he can think about is how twice over now, the life he wanted is falling apart. He didn’t even have high expectations here, yet it stirred everything up. This relationship didn’t even stand a chance. Really, what was Hoseok thinking? Why was he so ready to let himself be hurt again? What kind of an idiot asks what he asked of her? Of course it was too soon. The relationship was too new to attend a wedding, especially since she hadn’t even met his friends yet. It was doomed to fail, all because of him. She never even saw him as a potential boyfriend, let alone anything more. He's not the kind of person someone would want for more than just a good lay. 

Present day Hoseok hangs his head in his hand, really wishing the whole wedding thing wasn’t such a blatant reminder of everything he wanted and how he doesn’t have it. Not anymore. It hurts, it hurts too much to breathe. Yoongi, Minji… he just really isn’t cut out for relationships. He loves his job. Ever since he was little, his dream was always to fly a plane. He had other interests that were promising, like dance, but he always came back to the dream of flying. It wasn’t until he was older that he had more dreams… like getting married and having a family. While he achieved his first dream, none of the others seem possible anymore. He could even his schedule out, make it less crazy and adjust it to be home more, but... people will always be strangely threatened by the fact that he can be across the world in a day, and that his job isn't a typical 9-5. Maybe what he had with Yoongi was the best he’d ever have, and his greediness for more made him lose it. Maybe now, the best he’ll ever have are one night stands with strangers in strange places. 

He bites his lower lip and shakes his head. He can’t afford to dwell on his broken heart. Jimin and Taehyung magically managed to make a relationship work, despite all of their hardships and occasional bouts of long-distance. Their wedding is in a matter of days. They’re making it past the point Hoseok did, and he should be happy for them. Love may not be for him or for everyone, but at least his friends have it. Maybe he can live vicariously through them because he’s sure as hell that’s better than trying again only to walk away with more bitter memories and scars he pretends not to have. 

Besides, this isn't about him. He's not going to let his complicated feelings taint a beautiful week celebrating a beautiful couple. They aren't trying to drudge up painful memories or stir the pot. This event has been planned for well over a year, and it has been planned longer than Hoseok and Yoongi have been broken up. It's just one week where he will have to save face, and then he can move on without any imminent reminders in the future to hold him back. 

With a deep breath, he snaps his suitcase closed and pushes all thoughts away. He is confident that he has everything he needs. He packed last night after returning home from work and was sure to be thorough and thoughtful with his choices. Besides, he’s gotten used to traveling with minimal luggage. It actually feels rather strange having more than his usual pilot bag and compact carry on. He almost feels naked not having his pilot bag, if he’s 100% honest with himself. It’s been at least over a year since the last time he’s flown anywhere on a strictly vacation basis. Even for this trip, he’d been tempted to request working the Seoul-Honolulu flight path and just spend his days off in Hawaii, but it was Jimin who told him that he’s not allowed to work the flight to or from, that he needed a break, and he was too tired to argue the point (which only proved him right, anyway). 

As if summoned from his thoughts, his phone rings with Jimin’s specific ringtone-- some popular male idol group song-- and he taps the answer button. 

“Hey,” he answers, pressing the phone to his ear as he zips his suitcase and locks it. 

“Hello, hyung!” the other man’s voice greets. “You’re just about to leave for your flight, right?” he asks.

“What are you doing, stalking me?” he asks, an air of playfulness manifesting at the sound of his best friend’s voice. He might be miserable, but Jimin always manages to distract him without really even trying. 

“Pfft, you wish,” he quips back. 

“Oh, totally, we both were,” Taehyung chimes in on the other end of the line. 

A chuckle naturally falls past his lips as he leaves his bedroom. “Aigoo, you two are something else. What’s up?” 

“Well, there are two things,” Jimin says, his voice taking on a cautious tone. That's the same tone he always uses when he's about to say something he knows Hoseok won't like, ranging from accidentally dyeing his white button down pink by washing it with something red back when they shared an apartment together to the time Jimin went to the hospital because he broke his leg falling down the stairs of their old building. It has the same reaction every time: it makes nerves and dread pool in Hoseok’s stomach. 

“What are they?” he asks, voice copying his best friend’s tone. 

“The first thing is easy enough. We’re hoping you can rescue my idiot best man,” Taehyung opts to say, voice easily sounding the most relaxed, which helps Hoseok relax in turn. 

“Rescue… how?” he asks, intrigued. 

“Wait, hyung, do you even remember Taehyung’s cousin, Kim Namjoon?” Jimin asks, already sounding normal enough. Hoseok feels a little stupid for feeling so anxious, but he blames his best friend for working him up. 

It takes him a second, but so much time has passed since the last time he saw him, so he doesn’t feel too bad about it. Not only that, but Hoseok’s been pretty out of the loop with the wedding planning and best man duties both because of his crazy work schedule and because both of his friends felt the need to shelter him a bit. This isn’t the first time he’s heard about Namjoon, and he knows that he is Taehyung’s best man, but he hasn’t given it too much thought. If anything, he avoided it a lot because he suspects that Taehyung chose Namjoon to be his best man instead of Yoongi, because of their breakup, so the whole thing makes him feel slightly uncomfortable and guilty. “Yeah! The one with the glasses, right? He was always carrying a book,” he answers them, flicking off all of the lights in his apartment. Hoseok never really had a chance to get super close to Namjoon, since shortly after he met him, he was about to finish his degree abroad somewhere in the US. 

“That’s him alright,” Taehyung says with a laugh. 

In the background, he can hear Jimin say, “I told you he’d remember him.”

“Why do I need to rescue him?” Hoseok asks, adjusting his messenger bag over his shoulders. 

“The long story short is that he’s running late. He’s supposed to come in on the same flight as you, but he’s still in line waiting to check his bag. He’s not even to security yet, and the boarding is in like, an hour. Would you be able to find him and take him through flight crew security with you so he doesn’t miss the plane?” Jimin asks him, voice pleading slightly. 

Hoseok just laughs, completely caught off guard by the request. “I always knew it was a matter of time before you’d ask me for travel perks,” he says, keeping his tone lighthearted. “I just never thought it would be on behalf of someone else. That’s fine. Text me his number and I’ll find him and ‘rescue’ him for you.” 

“Thanks hyung, you’re the best!” they both exclaim, perfectly in sync as they always are. It brings a genuine smile to his lips. He missed them quite a lot, and it will be nice to see them again soon. 

“Don’t mention it,” he says, glad that it’s such an easy task to complete.

“Noted,” Jimin responds, pausing. “The second thing is… harder,” he admits. 

“How so?” Hoseok asks, placing his luggage in his car before getting in the car himself. 

“This time it’s about Yoongi-hyung,” Taehyung answers for his fiancé. 

The nerves come back tenfold, but he finds the strength to answer, “What about him?” 

“Do you know how we gave you the option of bringing a plus one?” Jimin drags out the question, clearly beating around the bush and reluctant to actually say what he's getting at. 

“Mhm,” he says, not trusting his voice to not quiver or give away what he’s feeling. It’s obvious where this is going, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. 

“Well we know you’re not bringing one, obviously,” Jimin says, and it sounds like Taehyung elbows him in the background, based on the grunt his ex-roommate lets out. 

“What my soon-to-be-husband is trying to get at is that Yoongi-hyung is bringing a plus one, and we wanted to warn you,” Taehyung says, ripping the metaphorical bandaid off. “Nobody’s met him yet and this is the first time hyung’s even said anything about him so there's not much to tell. All we know is that his name is Jeon Jungkook. We swear that if we knew sooner, we would have told you sooner. We're both really surprised by it, so we can only imagine how you're feeling. Are you going to be okay?”

It would be a lie to say it doesn’t hurt, even though he has dated and slept around since their breakup, too. Yoongi was always so different with relationships compared to Hoseok, though, so it shakes him to his core. He never bothered with anyone he didn't seriously like, and usually it takes him a long time to develop feelings. The idea that he's already found someone else is a painful shock. He can’t help the sharp inhale of breath he takes. He hates it, though. He hates how raw he still feels about the whole thing, and how much it shows. This isn’t about him, though. This wedding is about his two favourite people in the world, so he’s going to be okay. He has to be. “Yeah,” he says, managing to keep an even tone. It’s easier over the phone than it would be in person. “Anyway, I’m driving now so I should probably go. I’ll text you as soon as I find Namjoon, okay? See you soon.” 

“Bye, hyung! We owe you big time. I’ll have cocktails waiting for you when you get here.”

“Have a safe flight, keep watch over my idiot cousin for me,” Taehyung says, clearly trying to lighten the mood. 

"You got it, talk to you later!" he replies before the call is disconnected, and Hoseok feels like he can breathe easier. 

He’s an expert at driving one handed, so driving was just an excuse to hang up, and they both probably know it. He’s grateful they didn’t call him out on that fact, though. He appreciates them for everything they’ve done for him over the years, but especially after the breakup. 

The rest of the drive passes by frighteningly fast, considering he's stewing in all kinds of thoughts he'd rather not. Maybe it only feels like it goes by fast because he's dreading this, and he'd rather time slow down so he feels more prepared for this trip and all that it's going to take out of him. He parks in his usual section with ease and collects his luggage from the trunk. It feels odd having so much with him, especially for only a week, but it’s also a bit of a welcomed change. He hasn’t given himself that much down time in a long time; it’s well overdue by this point. He just hopes he won’t spend the entire week feeling like he does now, otherwise it would feel like he let his mood ruin his vacation. 

He shakes the thought off and snaps a quick selca to send to Namjoon, along with a cheerfully-coded text message greeting with a few emojis so he knows who to look for in the crowd. Almost immediately, a reply pops up on his screen with a picture, too. Hoseok has to do a double take at the man in the photograph, because wow, that’s not exactly the person he remembers from their university days. He’s pretty sure that Namjoon used to remind him of a beansprout, all long-limbed and gangly back then, and now he looks more like professional body builder, he’s so thick. He’s also got a great smile, and thankfully, he’s wearing a bright red beanie, which will make him easier to spot in the throngs of travelers. 

It takes him only a minute or two to find him, mostly because he knows this airport like the back of his hand and he’s used to ducking and weaving through the bustling crowd. “Hello, Kim Namjoon-ssi!” he greets politely and positively, trying to act like he’s not dreading this trip. 

“Hello! Please, you can just call me Namjoon,” the other man says, and his smile is even warmer in person. “We’re both born in ‘94, right? That makes us the same age. Why don't we address each other casually?” he adds. 

“Yeah! That’s fine by me, you can call me Hoseok,” the auburn haired man says, flashing him a smile of his own, though his shows more in his eyes than it does on his face, thanks to the mask he opted to wear. 

“Maybe I could call you my hero instead, considering I would definitely be missing the flight if not for you,” Namjoon says, and holy shit, Hoseok is completely caught off guard by the comment and he’s glad his mask covers up the stupid expression he’s probably wearing. 

An honest, genuine laugh bubbles past his lips and he responds, “I’m not opposed to that, considering Taehyung-ah and Jimin-ah both asked me to rescue you, like you were some kind of damsel in distress.” He decides there’s no harm in teasing him a little, and it was kind of started by him anyway. 

“I was really panicked. Look at that security line! I thought February was supposed to be off-season,” he says indignantly, pointing a finger to the left. 

“February is off-season, but the time of day is busy,” Hoseok answers honestly with a shrug. “Anyway, come on, we thankfully don’t need to bother with that line. Today, you’re with me. Did you finish checking in and took care of your luggage?” 

“Yes, I managed that much on my own,” he answers. “What about you, do you need to check that in?” The bulky man asks, pointing a gloved hand at the suitcase Hoseok drags behind him. 

“Mhm, but I can check it in at the back. It’s one of those perks of being a pilot,” he says, beckoning the other man to follow him. He leads them to the same Korean Air check-in booth Namjoon probably was at earlier, but he shows his credentials and they both are allowed behind a door marked for employees. He’s familiar with the modern architecture and lights, all windows and white walls, but clearly the person with him isn’t familiar with it at all. 

“Whoa, this is so cool,” Namjoon whispers, trailing behind him. “I had no idea what the staff areas were like here.”

A smile curls the edges of Hoseok’s lips at the sentiment. He kind of forgot how much of a novelty his job can be. Not many people do know what it’s like working for an airline, or what the staff lounges look like. It’s refreshing to have an outsider’s perspective. Especially lately, he’s been working lots of international flights and it’s been getting kind of exhausting. No matter how tired he gets, he still loves his job, but it’s definitely felt like more of a job lately than a passion. This moment reminds him a little bit about why he loves his job in the first place. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” he says, warmth in his tone. “So tell me, what have you been up to? The last I can remember, you were leaving to study abroad, I think,” Hoseok says, handing off his suitcase to the lady at the desk and receiving his own boarding pass. Quietly, he thanks her before returning his attention back to Namjoon. 

The other man looks a little sheepish as he nods. “Yeah, I went to finish my degree in New York,” he says, his tone sounding a little more reserved, like perhaps maybe the topic is a bit sensitive. Even so, Hoseok marvels in how comfortable he feels with Namjoon around, even though it’s been about six or seven years since they last saw one another. 

Hoseok decides to change the subject, not wanting to stir up anything the other man might not want to think about at this particular moment. “That’s cool, too! What do you do for work now?” he asks instead, handing his passport, Korean Air employee ID card, and boarding pass to the agent working at the employee security check. 

“I work as a professor at SU,” he answers, and the expression on his face makes Hoseok feel like he made the right choice changing topics. His dimpled smile is back full force now, unrestrained and natural. “I teach philosophy and English.” 

It’s Hoseok’s turn to be impressed and surprised. “Wow, you’re a university professor at 28? That’s amazing,” he says, complimenting the other man honestly. “I would have thought you taught some form of martial arts. Seriously, what work outs do you do?” he asks, poking his winter-jacket cladded arm. Even through the padding of the jacket, he can tell the muscle beneath is firm. It was obvious in his picture, too. 

"I'm not that impressive, really." Namjoon’s lips curl upwards into a borderline devious smirk that makes his face feel a little warm. “But I would be happy to show you my workouts when we land, if you want. Our hotel has a gym, right?” he asks, and god, Hoseok isn’t dumb. Namjoon is definitely flirting with him, and he’s… reciprocating. It’s not really a good idea, so he should probably stop. This trip is going to be hard enough as it is, he doesn’t need the added drama of whatever this is on top of it. 

“Maybe,” he says coolly, though the smile on his cheeks betrays him just slightly, considering he’s still masked. 

Their conversation naturally pauses when they go through the security, thankfully seamlessly. Neither of their bags set anything off, and they didn’t trip the body scanners, either. Seeing Namjoon without his coat is… well, a sight to see. Now that the big oversized jacket isn’t hiding his clothing beneath, Hoseok can absolutely see him as a professor, or maybe a model for fashion brand or something. He’s wearing a brown turtleneck, black slacks, and a stylish neutral patterned blazer. Subtle pops of red are sprinkled throughout his outfit, making the whole look very trendy and very hot. 

He’s caught checking the other man out, and his face feels uncomfortably warm yet again. As if that isn’t bad enough, Namjoon winks at him. To try to cover up his staring, he says, “I like your outfit.” Immediately, he feels incredibly dumb because that really doesn’t cover his ass at all. He’s weak for a man who knows how to dress well and clearly this particular man falls under that category. 

“I like yours, too. You have great legs,” Namjoon comments, draping his jacket over his arm, a brief look flickering down his lower body, short enough to be tasteful and not in the slightest creepy. It makes him feel a little bit warmer all over. 

Hoseok’s outfit is also relatively dressy-casual, even though he would have preferred a more comfy outfit like a tracksuit or at the very least baggy joggers. It felt too weird considering that as an option when he’s extremely used to wearing his pristine pilot uniform to the airport. At least wearing dressy casual clothes, he doesn’t feel quite as out of place. He’s wearing black trousers and an army green button down shirt. He opted to not wear a winter jacket despite the winter chill here in Korea. He knows that in Hawaii, it’s going to be around twenty something degrees celsius, even at night. Taking a heavy jacket with him would have felt like a waste. He does, however, wear a lightweight beige windbreaker, because that might be useful in Hawaii, too. 

“Thanks,” he responds, opting to take his mask off. It might reveal the heat in his cheeks, but it could help alleviate it, too. “C’mon, let’s get to our gate.” 

Within minutes, they arrive and get to board immediately, even before boarding officially starts. All it takes is another flash of his employee ID, and they enter the cabin that’s entirely empty save for the flight attendants (most of which he exchanges quick greetings with) and the pilots in the front. “What seat are you?” Hoseok asks, peering over at the other man’s pass. 

“Ah, I’m towards the back. By the time I booked, a lot of seats were full,” Namjoon says, clearly disappointed they aren’t seating next to each other, if his faltering smile is any indication. 

Hoseok really shouldn’t be so tempted to pull strings to get them seats together. He should wish the other man well and take his seat here in the first class section of the plane and let him continue on to the back. “Did you look at first class at all?” he finds himself asking against his better judgment. It makes sense if they stick together, they’re going to the exact same place anyway. Maybe Hoseok can even offer to drive Namjoon to the resort, unless the other man already has a rental car or ride scheduled. 

“Not really, no,” the other man says, maybe looking slightly sheepish. “I usually just fly economy.” 

“That's always a smart choice, but give me a second, I’ll be right back,” Hoseok says, not giving either of them a chance to second guess it before he goes to speak with the receptionist at boarding. It’s just his luck that the seat next to him happens to be free. He requests for Namjoon’s ticket to be upgraded, and he uses his friends and family perks without a second thought. He barely uses them for himself, and his family isn’t as keen on traveling as he is. His sister travels pretty often, but she prefers to use her own mileage plan. 

He returns to Namjoon with a first class ticket in hand, handing it to him with a smile. “Here, take this. Trust me, you’ll appreciate being able to lay down and sleep in the first class seats. The economy class might be practical, but it’s cramped,” he says. “You get to sit next to me, too.” He absolutely should not be encouraging this, and yet, it’s worth seeing the other man smile. 

“Hoseok, you shouldn’t have. How much do I owe you for this?” he asks, raising a brow. 

With a shake of his hand, he says, “I didn’t pay even a single won. You do, however, owe me for saving you from the infinite security line,” he says playfully, stowing his bag appropriately before settling down in his own seat. 

Namjoon chuckles and takes the seat next to him. “Alright, prince charming, how should I repay you for being my hero today?” 

He smiles at the other man, weirdly flustered by being called such silly nicknames. “I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’ll let you know when I do,” he answers, unable to stop smiling. “Please never call me prince charming or your hero again, by the way.” 

“You can’t tell me you’re not,” Namjoon banters animatedly. “First, you save me from the ridiculously long line. Second, you get me upgraded to a fancy seat with complimentary five-star meals and drinks. That’s basically wining and dining. Third, look at that smile! You can’t smile at me like that and blame me for finding you charming.” 

Damn. This is literally the last thing he expected, and it’s got his head spinning a little. He hasn't felt particularly attractive lately, so he doesn't know what to do with this kind of attention other than feel flustered. “I think if there’s a prince charming here, it’s you,” Hoseok finds himself saying against his better judgment, yet again. “All of this flattery is going to go straight to my head. I might just stay in the clouds.” 

“A fitting place for an angel,” Namjoon says and it’s so over the top that Hoseok laughs hard, so stupidly smitten with him. 

“That was so goddamn cheesy,” he voices his thought, pleased to hear the professor’s laugh joining his own. He doesn’t take any offense, which is good because offending him is the last thing he wants to do. 

“Yeah, you can say that again. It was worth it to hear you laugh, though,” the other man says, so fucking smooth that his cheeks hurt from how hard he smiles. 

“Oh my god, stop,” Hoseok says with a shake of his head so hard that some of his auburn hair falls in front of his face. “Are you always such a flirt?” 

“Only if the person I’m flirting with is as cute as you,” the man answers, and that’s it, Hoseok’s broken. 

“Okay, I totally regret bumping you to first class with me. Go back to economy,” he says jokingly, shooing him with his hand before bringing it to hide his smile. “How the hell am I supposed to get any sleep with you next to me?” he asks rhetorically.

“Maybe the point is that you won’t sleep,” Namjoon teases, smiling smugly at the way Hoseok gapes at the remark. “Oh, come on, you walked right into that one.” 

His face feels like it’s burning and he wishes he had water to cool down. He can flirt when he wants to and he wouldn’t say he’s bad at it but he forgot just how intense it is being the one flirted with. “You’re right, I did,” he finally manages to say, grateful that the other man gives him a moment to recover without another teasing remark. “So… are you seeing anyone?” he asks, feeling the need to have that particular question out of the way. He’s indulging something he really shouldn’t, but he’s annoyingly charmed by Namjoon’s relentless flirting. 

“I wouldn’t be like this with you if I were,” he answers, his words less flirty and more serious, more honest. It eases any of the doubts Hoseok might have had on the matter. Namjoon’s way with words is more clever than it should be. 

“And what if I’m seeing someone?” he asks, raising a brow. 

The other man looks pensive for a second, clearly taking a moment to think over his answer. “Well, I think they’d be sitting here instead of me, if that was the case,” he answers with a strangely gentle tone, as if he knows Hoseok’s relationship status is a sensitive topic. That doesn’t help the infatuation, if anything, it gives it more substance. Most people wouldn’t be bold enough to say something like that, and if they were, they probably wouldn’t say it the way he did. It’s so… refreshingly different. There's no pity, like what he gets from acquaintances who know about the broken engagement, and he doesn't sense any judgement, either. He blinks back at him, at a loss for words. That’s when Namjoon opts to continue. “But if by chance you are seeing someone and they couldn’t be here, then I would completely back off and give you space. Same goes if it simply makes you uncomfortable.” 

The thoughtful answer makes him happy. This should be his chance to tell him that it does make him uncomfortable (even though that's not exactly the right way to phrase it), that he’s about to go to a wedding where his ex of five years will be in attendance, that Hoseok has a million reasons that he shouldn’t indulge this. Even if he and Yoongi don’t talk anymore, the history they have should be respected. It would feel disrespectful to Namjoon and Yoongi both to let this flirtation carry on, even if Yoongi has an ambiguous plus one with him. 

The failed relationship with Minji proves that Hoseok isn’t ready to be back out in the dating world. He was ready to rush into a relationship with the first person he got along well enough with, simply because he didn’t want to feel alone or attend this particular event alone. He didn’t think it was like that in the moments he spent with her, but in hindsight, he sees it for what it was. Even though her turning him down like she did sucked, and her reasons hit a very sore spot, Hoseok knows that he’s still not over Yoongi and that's where the source of his problems lie. He is past the point of wanting him back, but he’s lost right now, and bringing anyone into the mix might result in more hurt, and not just for him. He’s not even sure that he wants a relationship at all anymore, and granted, this flirting could be only building up to a hook up or one night stand, but it feels… different, somehow, and he knows that he’s not looking for that on this vacation, either. 

It’s the thoughtful responses to these questions that drive it home; Namjoon’s a good guy. If he were just a shameless flirt, the idea of him getting hurt pursuing Hoseok wouldn’t feel like as much of a possibility. It’s clear that there’s more to him than cheesy pickup lines, and for that reason alone, Hoseok should stop this. He definitely will, but for this moment, it's nice to feel wanted again. Ending it won't be easy. 

“And what if it’s just… not a good time for me?” he asks instead, reluctant to tell him to stop entirely for reasons that only feel selfish. 

“I’d probably slow down and let you set the pace,” Namjoon answers with a kind smile. “Sometimes the timing actually is wrong, but sometimes… you have to make it the right time. I can’t say which it is for you, so I’d let you set the pace, unless you clearly tell me you want me to stop or not.” 

The answer renders him completely speechless. It’s not only thoughtful but also thought provoking. Hoseok isn’t sure what to say to it, but instead of sitting around and thinking over the hundreds of things he could, he says exactly what crosses his mind first. “I don’t know which it is for me yet, either, but… in the meantime, don’t feel the need to stop unless you want to,” he answers, voice quiet. 

It would be so easy to get caught up in this, if he wanted to allow himself that. Namjoon’s smile is cute, reminding him a little bit of his favourite dumplings from the restaurant down the street from his flat. His voice is rich and smooth, and he’s insanely attractive. With him being a professor, he must be incredibly smart, too. It’s already evident in the way he speaks and his way with words. As charming as he is, though, Hoseok’s just… burnt out on the whole dating/love thing. He doesn’t want to encounter another situation like the one he had with Yoongi, where he’s so high on love and sure of it that he doesn’t look down, or that he doesn’t see the signs of reservations until they’re almost at the finish line. 

“In that case, I won’t stop,” Namjoon replies with a playful wink. More seriously, he adds, "Let me know if anything changes. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." The two of them share a moment of silence where Hoseok nods, grateful that Namjoon's so considerate, before the other man switches topics entirely. “So tell me, what is it like working for KA?” 

And that’s how the two of them launch into a seamless conversation, less flirty and more serious about getting to know one another, entirely uninterrupted despite the random passengers crossing by them occasionally. After the takeoff safety demonstration, they cycle through various topics, like where they live, their lifestyles, their parents and siblings, what kinds of things they do in their free time. Namjoon is obsessed with museums and hops on his bike to go places at random, and Hoseok realizes while he listens that he hasn’t carved out time for recreation in his own life. His schedule suddenly feels stifling after hearing about Namjoon’s whimsical one. Normally Hoseok loves routine and planning and structure, but right now, he’s so relieved that he’s already breaking out of it. Jimin was right when he said that he needed a real, genuine break. 

Oddly enough, even though he’s feeling a little self-conscious about his boring lack of social life, Namjoon seems slightly in awe of his orderly existence. “I wish I was more like you,” he says, surprising him slightly. “I mean, I can be more organized and consistent, but I always lose steam partway through. The only real time commitment besides my job is my workout routine, but I think that’s easy to be consistent with because it’s accessible.” 

Hoseok’s cheeks feel warm again, but he responds genuinely, “I wish I could be more like you! My hours are all over the place, so it’s hard to find the time to be spontaneous. It’s easy to fall into a routine with the few things I do, and my schedule is entirely dictated by what flights I work."

“I take this as a sign that we should spend more time together,” Namjoon says, a smirk curling onto his lips. He looks at Hoseok with a look almost like he’s testing the waters already, implying… something more than this week. He doesn’t have the mental capacity to unpack that right now. 

For now, he’s going to live in the moment, while they are up in the clouds and away from all of the responsibilities that await them. “I know I’d like that,” he answers honestly, unable to stop the smile from spreading across his lips. 

“I would, too,” Namjoon responds, the smirk morphing to a smile so sweet, it’s dangerous. "I'm really happy we reconnected, Hoseok."

He sounds so genuine that it makes him feel soft on the inside, and he doesn't know how to handle that, either, but he responds with a simple "Me, too."

Eventually the conversation between them fizzles out, and they each occupy themselves with their own entertainments. The professor pulls out a book with a mostly dark cover and a title in English, not that Hoseok is paying attention… or so he tells himself, even as he wishes he could get a better look at the man across from him. He opts to lay his seat down to attempt a nap, but his thoughts grow loud despite the headphones in his ears playing a list of songs that usually puts him in a good mood. 

The attraction to Namjoon is there, but the longer he has to think about their conversation, the more restless he feels. How would that look to everyone attending the wedding? Hoseok doesn’t care about the majority of the attendee’s opinions about him, but there are some of his friends going to this, too. Those opinions are the ones he cares about. Seokjin would probably pull him aside and ask him just what the hell he's doing, and he wouldn't have a good answer to give. He also really doesn’t want to look like the desperate best man hooking up with some other single person in the wedding party because he couldn’t find a plus one. He most definitely doesn’t want to look like he’s throwing anything in Yoongi’s face. He knows that Yoongi won’t flaunt his new relationship in front of him, so Hoseok should just keep everything friendly and his head low. He should tell Namjoon exactly that, too. 

Finally he drifts off, decision made. His sleep doesn’t last long, though, primarily out of habit for him. Usually he and his co-pilot alternate nap breaks on long flights, and they tend to only last for forty five minutes to an hour at best. This nap is no exception. Once he’s up again, it doesn’t take long for the restless feelings to come back. He finds that he doesn’t really know what to occupy himself with, because normally he’s working on planes, not sitting around doing nothing. His last vacation was just to Tokyo, and that had been with Yoongi, so it was both a short flight and he had someone to keep him entertained. 

While it remains true that Hoseok could chat the entire flight away with Namjoon, he thinks it would turn flirty with just the two of them here. In front of other people, it won’t be hard to keep himself in check. 

He opts to pull out the notebook he carries with himself at all times, even in his pilot bag. It was a gift from Jimin, actually, back in their university days. The faux leather grey cover is starting to wear at the edges and the pages are a little fluffy when the journal itself is closed, but aside from that, its age isn’t obvious. Hoseok has always taken good care of his belongings. He spaces out while staring at it, reminiscing the day that it was gifted to him, just about seven years ago exactly. It was a birthday gift, after all. 

Jimin always knew that Hoseok wanted to work as a pilot, and he also knows that Hoseok is more sentimental than he lets on, so his gift was a travel journal, so he can document some of the cool places he’s been to and interesting things he’s seen. When he first got it, he was excited, but it took him forever to use it. It felt like he had to pick the right travel story to start off with. It wasn’t until he was on a trip with Jimin, Taehyung, and Yoongi to Jeju that he finally used it for the first time, documenting their shenanigans. Over the years, he has added quite a few entries into the journal. For the most part, he usually only documents the good times and keeps it positive, but right now, he feels like live journaling this particular trip. 

He starts out with how much he didn’t want to wake up, naturally, and just jots things here and there. It turns more into a recounting of his own conflicts about relationships and flirting with Namjoon. As much as he likes him, he sees the words on the page and feels… almost like he just doesn’t want any of it. Here he is, on a plane to see his best friends get married. Love is quite literally in the air, and he’s never felt so tired of it. 

He feels like his time with Yoongi was wasted-- all of those years, energy, and effort amounted to nothing but the worst heartbreak of his life. Even if they had managed to get married, they would have been a ticking time bomb. Either Yoongi would have had to settle for a life he didn’t actually want, or Hoseok would have had to do that for him. Misery was all that awaited them, no matter the outcome. So really, what was the point of loving him? Is it that he just wasn’t the one or is it that love just isn’t for him? Love is flawed, he knows that. He has seen plenty of people who can’t find it, or find it only in fleeting relationships… and he has only seen two couples be successfully happy with each other long term: his parents and his grandparents. Even his sister, who got married only five years ago divorced her husband last year. 

Maybe… the rule is that things are just temporary, and long-lasting relationships are the exception. Maybe that’s why Hoseok is so sentimental, because he knows that once the moments are over, they won’t come back. Love is temporary, travel is temporary, youth is temporary. Life is always changing, and maybe it’s better to not get too attached to anything like he did before. 

That being said, he still can’t shake the one thing he wants out of life without a doubt: a family. Every time he sees his little three year old niece, Kyungmi, he is filled with the purest kind of love to exist, one that he can actually put faith in. Someday he wants to raise a child of his own, even if he has to do it entirely by himself. There is a major catch on that, though: he would either have to find a partner who can handle raising a child with his demanding schedule or give up the job he loves so much for one that can accommodate him being a single parent, never mind the fact that he would face a ridiculous amount of hurdles even attempting to adopt. 

He doesn’t want to try for romance or a partner anymore, so more than likely, he’ll end up doing the latter option, but that’s a problem for another day. Right now, he only has to focus on getting through this trip, trying to have some fun, and watching his friends do the seemingly impossible. 

After another brief nap and a few more hours of flying, they eventually begin their descent into Honolulu International Airport. It’s Namjoon who breaks their silence with a simple question. “So what are your plans now that we’ve landed?” he asks, stretching his arms above his head and that charming smile on his lips. 

Hoseok tastefully avoids looking at his muscular arms and focuses on his face and slightly disheveled strawberry blonde hair. “I was planning to pick up my rental car and drive to the hotel. What about you?” he responds with a slight tilt of his head. 

Despite how he feels about the whole dating and romance thing, he can’t deny how attractive Namjoon is, both in personality and in appearance. He wishes that he was only attracted to his personality, because it would be so much easier to be simply friends with him that way. 

“I was planning to request an uber,” the other man answers, the slightest bit sheepish. 

Hoseok takes a brief second to deliberate. It would be a friendly gesture to offer to drive him. That’s less weird than him spontaneously upgrading him to first class and then barely talking with him after the first couple of hours of the flight. Not only that, but they both have to go to baggage claim anyway. This would simply be killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. “You’re welcomed to join me, there’s no need for you to pay all that money for a driver when you’ve got me,” he says, happy at the way Namjoon playfully rolls his eyes.

“There you are again, playing the role of prince charming,” he says, and it makes Hoseok shake his head, amused rather than annoyed. It’s going to be hard resisting the urge to flirt with him because it’s like this guy was born a natural flirt. Though, that can't possibly be true, because there is no way that's something Hoseok would have forgotten about him. 

“Shut up, we already had that conversation,” he teases back. “Is that a yes or a no?” He pretends like he’s leaving the plane, slowly inching backwards with his messenger bag over his shoulder. 

“Alright, I’ll accept the carriage ride, my prince,” Namjoon says, taking delight in the way Hoseok’s whole face scrunches up as he reacts to that dumb, way-overdone-by-this-point joke. 

“I already revoked the right to call me that,” he responds, his face feeling flushed again. 

“Actually you didn’t. You said to never call you ‘my hero’ or ‘prince charming’ ever again. I didn’t call you either of those,” he replies, a smug expression lighting up his features. “Would you prefer it if I said that I’d happily ride your steed instead?” 

Hoseok finds himself snorting and laughing hard at the awful but incredibly amusing innuendo. “Oh my god, stop!” he says, slightly embarrassed by the glares they’re getting from a middle-aged business man one aisle over. They've barely been talking again and already he feels like his face if burning up. “I’m suing you if I fall over and get injured because you made me laugh too hard from your terrible attempt at flirting.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’d catch you before you fell,” Namjoon replies, stepping closer to Hoseok, their faces only inches apart. It makes his heart race, and he hates that he likes how he feels right now. It’s not often that he gets caught up in the early stages of a crush, not anymore. Then again, he wouldn’t say he has a lot of experience with this. He’s not even used to the whole dating app thing that he used to find his flings after Yoongi. Minji was the closest, and yet it took a couple of dates before he got to this point of infatuation with her. It hasn’t even been ten hours since he saw Namjoon again, and the timing couldn’t possibly be worse. Another heartbreak is the last thing he wants, and this if it goes on too much longer, it could be just that. Funny how he decided to take a serious break from dating and romance (if not stopping that altogether) and here a seemingly golden opportunity comes out of nowhere. 

Hoseok realizes that he’s been staring at the other man’s face while his thoughts race, and he snaps out of it, stepping back a little bit and stumbling in the process. As promised and almost like they're in one of the dramas he's been watching lately, Namjoon's hand steadies him by catching him at the waist. His whole body shivers slightly with butterflies from the touch, and he can't keep the eye contact, shyly looking away and clearing his throat.

"See? I told you I'd catch you," the other man says softly, letting his hand drop back to his own bag. 

"Thanks," he murmurs, pursing his lips as he debates what to say next. He could turn the tables and carry on their silly joke by calling Namjoon the prince, saving him this time, but the thoughts he had earlier in the flight resurface, and he knows that he shouldn't flirt more, as tempting as it is. He straightens himself up and takes a solid step backwards. "Maybe we should… just keep this friendly,” he decides to speak up. “I like you, and the flirting is fun, but… the more I thought about it, the more sure I am that it’s not a good time for me.” He swallows nervously, words a little bit soft. He looks to Namjoon’s face, looking for an adverse reaction, and finds that what he sees isn’t anything to work himself up over. The taller man doesn’t look irritated or awkward, only maybe disappointed, just slightly. It baffles him how sweet he is because almost anyone else would feel led on by him (even if that wasn't his intention at all). 

“I can understand that,” the other man says, voice gentle. “I always did want to be your friend, at least.” The last two words are barely there, but Hoseok does catch them and wonders what they mean. 

He doesn’t let himself think too hard about it, though, because now they are back on the ground with jobs to do. “Thank you for understanding. I’m happy to be your friend,” he says, bringing a hand to Namjoon’s shoulder, feeling a little more comfortable in his own skin in a way he realizes that he wasn’t before. “Now let’s get going. I miss my crazy best friends, and I’ll bet money that they’re staring at their phones like puppies waiting to hear from us.” 

“If I didn’t know you were completely right, I’d take you up on that bet,” Namjoon says with a laugh, and all the tension between them dispels like it wasn’t even there.

Notes:

Hoseok really thinks they're just going to be friends. HAH. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, my lovely readers. There are more shenanigans to come!

P.S. I have no idea what it's actually like working as a pilot, so this is entirely, completely, 100% fictional. I tried to do a fair amount of research but couldn't find a ton, let alone for specifically Korean Air. There are lots of other important tidbits of this story that I did lots of research on that'll come up later, though.

Lastly, to anyone who's new to my writings, I always respond to comments! I love hearing about your thoughts and reactions. Connecting with my readers brings me incredible joy. :D

Until next time!

Chapter 2: Two: Drinks in the Dark

Summary:

The connection between Hoseok and Namjoon gets stronger as they talk on the way to the hotel. An internal struggle within Hoseok kicks into high gear: spending time with Namjoon is easy, natural, and fun, but he's scared it's only setting himself up to get hurt, so he digs his heels in, determined to keep things platonic.

Taehyung and Jimin actually make that harder.

Notes:

Hellooooooooo !!!

Long time, no see. *nervous chuckle* Sorry this took me so long to get around to! I do have the tendency to be on the slower side as a writer, but even I didn't expect this one to take three years. Whoops. My life has been a roller coaster (at this point, when is it not?) but I think I have figured out a better way to balance my writing schedule to make sure I give this one some love and attention, too.

I am still so honored and happy at the reception this received, hopefully I can keep writing content that you all enjoy. <3

Without further ado, here is chapter two!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Chapter Two: Drinks in the Dark (Florence + The Machine, Shake It Out) 

The drive to the hotel from the airport is full of comfortable bickering and bonding over music. Hoseok likes and always has liked a huge variety of songs, and so does Namjoon. Everything from western artists like Coldplay, Erykah Badu, and J.Cole to Korean artists like Epik High and Younha, they seem to have in common. Truthfully he hasn’t ever met anyone with a taste so close to his. Though they differ on preferences when it comes to specific songs, they’re so weirdly in sync. The conversation flows like water, an endless cycle of one aspect to another. Lyrics to beats, music theory to flows, even messages and word plays. Hoseok feels like he's buzzing with excitement-- it's been so long since he was able to engage with someone else to this extreme on one of his most well-loved parts of his life. 

“I can’t believe we went to the same Epik High and Coldplay concerts,” Namjoon says, a smile featured on his dimpled cheeks. 

“If only we knew each other better back then, we could have gone together,” Hoseok replies with an effortless laugh. Driving on the foreign soil isn’t so nerve-inducing with such easy going company at his side. 

“You’re my new concert buddy from now on,” the man says, enthusiasm dripping from every word. It makes Hoseok’s heart do the stupid flutter thing that he opts to ignore. “I’m not taking no for an answer.” 

With a snicker, Hoseok shakes his head and replies, “Well it’s good that my answer wasn’t a no, then.” The smile on his lips is hard to contain before he asks another question. “Would you ever travel to see more concerts? LA has them all the time,” he says, avoiding mentioning NYC on instinct. 

Maybe, just maybe, Hoseok will prove himself to be a safe place for Namjoon to discuss that particular topic. And just maybe, Hoseok in turn will feel like he can trust Namjoon with the truth about how his broken engagement changed him. 

“As long as I’m traveling with you, sure,” Namjoon replies with another smooth tone. 

“You wouldn’t without me?” Hoseok asks, using the opportunity a red light presents to raise an eyebrow at the other man. 

“Too much of a hassle,” Namjoon says with a shrug. 

A flirty response is on the tip of his tongue, and resisting the urge to say it is surprisingly difficult. With just the two of them there, it’s definitely tempting. With a small purse of his lips, he stops hesitating, but doesn't go over-the-top with his response. “Glad to know that you’d go to such lengths with me,” he says, the smile replacing his previous expression. 

Hoseok catches sight of Namjoon’s own stunning smile for a second before the green light steals his attention away. He’s grateful that Namjoon doesn’t respond to that verbally because something about him ignites a rebellious streak against his ordinarily perfect self control. That damned smile makes him want to do things he told himself he wouldn't. 

“What concerts are in your top five you wish to see?” Namjoon asks instead. 

“Oh, that’s a hard one,” Hoseok responds with a groan. “Hmm, well… I think seeing Kendrick Lamar and Eminem would be amazing, but I rarely go out of my way for concerts, too,” he answers. “I know that’s not five, but I’ll need more time to give you a better answer. What about you?” 

An over-the-top clicking of the tongue tells him that Namjoon now realizes the difficulty of the question he asked. “Eminem and Kendrick would be dope. I think seeing Harry Styles would be fun, too. After that? There are so many great artists,” he answers. "I also would love to see some of them again." 

“I take it you need more time, too?” Hoseok playfully teases. 

“Yeah. I’ll have a better answer for you later,” he promises. 

“That’s perfectly fine with me.” Truthfully, Hoseok loves the promise of having another excuse for a conversation with him later on, especially one that isn’t about the wedding or relationships or anything overtly romantic. His love for music makes for easy conversation, and it’s clear that Namjoon shares that in return. “So have you been to Hawaii before?” he asks. 

“Nope, this is my first time here. It’s so much hotter than I thought it would be,” Namjoon says, shaking his head in disbelief. “It’s nighttime and it’s still almost twenty degrees.” 

Despite trying to hold back his amusement, he finds that he can’t help the small laugh. “You are still wearing your winter coat,” he points out. 

Hoseok wishes he could truly stop and stare to appreciate Namjoon’s adorable blush, but he has to settle on catching a faint glimpse of it through his peripheral vision. 

“I’m such an idiot,” Namjoon says with a groan that-- well that shouldn’t sound sexy, but damn, it does. 

Hoseok’s starting to feel himself darkening a shade, too, but he refrains from giving him a teasing, flirty comment. Strictly friendship. He can do this. 

He’s friend zoned people before, he can manage this. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll turn the AC up,” Hoseok replies, adjusting it to a slightly colder setting than he usually goes for. 

“Thank you,” Namjoon answers back. 

“We’re almost there anyway,” Hoseok says with a smile. “Soon you can shed the layers.” 

“I can’t wait to shower, too.” 

“Same here, I always feel gross after a long flight,” Hoseok replies, trying hard not to imagine a naked Namjoon showering. Given how much of a challenge that is, Hoseok decides he must be hornier than he previously thought. He swallows a lump in his throat, wishing he had a cold bottle of water right about now. 

“The air in-flight always makes my skin feel dry, too,” Namjoon comments. “I didn’t bring any sheet masks with me. I might try to buy something from the concierge desk.” 

After a beat of deliberation, Hoseok determines that it won’t hurt to offer to share his own skincare with him. He and Jimin have done face masks together for years, that’s a friendly thing to do, right? Right. 

“You’re right about the air being dry. If you want, I have a whole pack with me. After we get settled, you can stop by my room and pick one up? Or maybe we could do them together. I have no idea what Jimin and Taehyung have planned for tonight.” 

“I’d love that! And knowing Jimin, alcohol. There will be lots of alcohol,” Namjoon says with a laugh. 

“You’re right. Jimin said he’d be waiting with cocktails,” Hoseok replies, joining in Namjoon’s laughter as he parks effortlessly and easily in a spot. 

“Damn, you’re such a good driver,” Namjoon comments. 

Hoseok flashes him a full on smile, no longer distracted by the road. It takes everything inside him to refrain from making another flirty remark. “Thanks. I take it seriously whenever I’m driving or piloting.” 

“I can tell,” Namjoon answers. “It’s good to know my life is safe in your hands.” 

For some reason, hearing that touches the raw heartstrings inside his chest. Hoseok isn’t sure what to do with himself, aside from let the warmth bloom and enjoy it. Namjoon has such a positive energy about him that feels infectious. “It seems like it’s a two way street, you did stop me from falling.” His cheeks also feel a little warm, and that brings attention back to the more flirty dynamic, but fuck it. Does it matter if it’s just the two of them? 

“I saved you from falling on your ass, but I would gladly let you fall in other ways,” Namjoon teases with a wink. 

The heat in Hoseok’s cheeks intensifies, and he blinks with slight surprise when he notices his own body language. Subconsciously, he is leaning closer towards Namjoon’s larger frame. He's close enough that he can smell what must be Namjoon's natural musk, so devastatingly intoxicating and masculine. Namjoon's full lips are parted slightly, and the way he stares at Hoseok makes him feel hot all over. He has no right to be as attractive as he is, it's making Hoseok crave things he shouldn't. Somewhat awkwardly, he pulls back with a small, nervous chuckle, and he’s grateful for the excuse of exiting the car. Namjoon follows suit, meeting him at the trunk. 

Hoseok thinks Namjoon looks even more gorgeous without the hustle and bustle of the crowds, his oversized coat draped over his arm, showing off his muscular build. He’s still wearing too many layers, definitely dressed for winter in Korea, but he still looks undeniably good. At least now the humid heat can be the excuse for Hoseok’s blush, not that it’s easy to see at this time of day to begin with. If Hoseok lets his eyes wander over Namjoon's arms as he pulls out their suitcases, it's not his fault. Namjoon's body from head to toe oozes sex appeal. 

He's caught staring when Namjoon turns towards him, handing him his suitcase. Softly, Hoseok gasps when Namjoon intentionally puts a hand over his. “Sorry, I remembered that we’re going to keep this friendly. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” The look in Namjoon’s eyes is earnest and so… soft. 

“Thanks for the apology, but it’s okay,” Hoseok answers him, lips curling upwards in a small smile. “I’m… not really uncomfortable. I just have a lot on my mind.” 

“I respect that,” Namjoon says, giving a small squeeze to Hoseok’s hand on the suitcase handle before letting go. “If I cross a line, though, please let me know.” 

Those words make Hoseok’s heart skip a beat. How the fuck did he manage to catch the attention of someone so… considerate? 

It reminds him so much of Yoongi that it makes his heart ache in a different kind of way. That was one of the defining traits that made Hoseok fall for him, and the reminder might sting, but it’s like a splash of cool water on the face-- Hoseok doesn’t want that intense attraction again. He doesn’t want his heart invested only to be stepped on. 

This… needs to stop. 

“Thanks,” he manages, though his tone is cooler than it was before. It’s not unkind or cold, but considerably less charged with attraction. This is much more like how he’d thank a friend rather than a romantic partner. It’s safer. 

“No problem,” Namjoon answers back, clearing his throat a little before leading the way inside the hotel. 

The check-in process goes smoothly for both of them and they happen to get rooms right across the hall from each other. Apparently Taehyung and Jimin set up a hotel block, so for the most part, all of the wedding party are close to each other. Hoseok hates the nagging feeling of worry that Yoongi will be in the room right next door to him. 

For a brief second, Hoseok can’t help but imagine his worst nightmare: hearing Yoongi and his plus one pleasuring each other, right on the other side of the wall from him, while he lies awake in the middle of the night. 

The thought makes him hurt in so many ways, even making him feel a little bit like throwing up. 

It’s completely irrational, he tells himself. Jimin and Taehyung would never assign the rooms like that. Even if they did, or the hotel themselves assigned things randomly, Namjoon would probably swap rooms with him. If he didn’t want to involve Namjoon, the hotel would surely accommodate a room change for him. If that also failed, Hoseok is sure there are plenty of places to hide at night at a Hawaiian resort. 

Regardless of the numerous ways he wouldn’t have to deal with that actual scenario, the thoughts are draining, and he lets out a heavy sigh in the privacy of his room. So far, he thinks he’s doing a good job maintaining his mask, but once he leaves this room to go find his friends, to the people who know him best, they’re going to see all the tiny, hairline fractures in his happy go lucky facade. Hoseok doesn’t want to feel seen like that right now, even if spending time with them will also help him feel better. 

A huge saving grace is that Namjoon is most likely going to be there, too. Neither Taehyung nor Jimin are likely to bring up anything sensitive with him around. 

Damn, Hoseok needs to let this all go. This isn’t about him. This isn’t about Yoongi. He’s being self-absorbed. 

That last thought gives him the push he needs to sit up from the bed and send a quick text to Jimin. 

Just checked in, getting settled now. Where are you at? 

He drops his phone back on the bed unceremoniously before unzipping his suitcase, retrieving his toiletries. He hears the ping of a reply and decides to look at it before going to shower. 

Finally! I kept my promise. I have a mai tai waiting for you already, get your ass over here. Bar at the beach. 

Hoseok snorts at his phone and types out a reply. 

Wah, so bossy. Did you forget that I'm older than you?

It’s my wedding, I’ll boss you around all I want. As my best man, you’re my bitch for the week. 

Hoseok rolls his eyes, actually laughing out loud. 

I’m not sure how much Taehyung would like that. 

Oh, he’d love it. We’d be the best fuck of your life. 

In your dreams. Now leave me alone so I can shower in peace. 

Don't forget to think of us ;) 

The words make him laugh again, and he shakes his head in amusement. Hoseok is so grateful for his ridiculous best friend and jumps in the shower, still amused and overall feeling much better than when he first got to his room. Jimin always has that affect on him. Hoseok feels silly for dreading to spend time with him-- it’s been weeks since they’ve had the chance to see each other in person. 

Hoseok takes a little extra time to make sure he both looks and smells good, using a touch of a new cologne that he frequently gets compliments on. He grabs a pair of denim shorts and an oversized zip up hoody, grateful to no longer need the multiple layers of clothing to be comfortable. He forgoes a shirt underneath, not wanting to get too warm. His hair is still damp, but he actually kind of likes how it looks. 

Upon arriving at the bar, he doesn’t have to search for long before he finds the trio. Naturally Hoseok is the last to arrive. Three sets of eyes find their way to him, one set in particular staring him up and down. 

“Look who finally decided to show,” Jimin announces, literally lighting up at seeing Hoseok, standing up and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. 

“It’s not like you to be late, hyung,” Taehyung teases before stealing him from Jimin’s arms. “It’s good to see you.” 

“The bed was comfy, you’re lucky I’m here,” Hoseok answers with a laugh. 

“That’s the most Y-- unusual response from you, ever. Who are you and what have you done with Jung Hoseok?” Jimin asks, but Hoseok can read him like the back of his hand. 

It is probably the most Yoongi-like thing he’s ever said, especially since the breakup. 

Hoseok blatantly pretends to not notice the slip up. 

“I think you forget that I’ve been working sixty to seventy hours a week,” Hoseok replies, a slight nervous quiver to the words. 

“Shit, hyung. I knew it was a lot, I didn’t know it was that bad,” Jimin exclaims. 

“Wait, when we were talking earlier about what we do outside of work, you do all of that while working that much?” Namjoon asks, an eyebrow raised. 

“Uh… yeah?” Hoseok feels sheepish with everyone’s attention on him as he pulls back from Taehyung. It’s Namjoon who places a hand on both of Hoseok’s shoulders and guides him to sit down. His hands on Hoseok's body surprise him slightly, and damn, it feels nice being... softly manhandled? Is that even a term? And sitting like this in front of Namjoon makes the other man look even bigger. It does nothing for Hoseok's sanity, and he's grateful when Namjoon hands him a colorful drink, garnished with a slice of pineapple and a little pink umbrella. 

“I can’t believe you’re this functional, I’d be a zombie,” Namjoon says with a shake of his head. “No wonder you feel like you don’t have much free time. You don’t.” 

“Fuck yeah, our numbers grow,” Jimin says with a grin. 

“What?” Hoseok asks, feeling a little defensive and a bit dazed. 

“There are more of us to tell you to take a break now,” Taehyung answers. “So drink up, enjoy the break from your busy life, and have fun.” 

“Why is everyone bossing me around?” Hoseok asks, though the defensiveness is dissipating as he remembers the source of their concern… they just care about him. He plays it off more pouty than he normally would, just to lighten the atmosphere. It works, all three of them are smiling at him. "I'm the oldest here right now." 

“We’re born in the same year,” Namjoon corrects. 

“My birthday is in less than a week, I’ll bet I’m older in international age,” Hoseok says with a playful grin while the others sit down. 

“Wow, Tae… Jimin, you seriously planned your wedding so close to Hoseok’s birthday? Worst friends ever,” Namjoon says before taking a swig of his beer. “You’re right, though. I’m a little younger, my birthday is in September.” 

“We asked first!” Jimin replies. “We actually met at Hoseok’s birthday party six years ago. Our anniversary is February 21st.” There’s a pout on Jimin’s lips that Taehyung pokes with his finger. 

“I am fine with it, I wouldn’t have lied about that,” Hoseok replies, hoping the answer will be enough for Namjoon. He can feel the other man’s eyes on him, making him feel warm all over, unrelated to the alcohol he sips. “There are way worse places to spend my birthday than Hawaii, celebrating the wedding of my two favorite people in the world.” 

“That was so cheesy, hyung,” Jimin says with a snort. “Though we are pretty damn great, I hope sometime soon you find someone to dethrone us.” 

“Nope, I want to be Hoseok’s favorite forever,” Taehyung quips. “I’m telling Jiwoo you said that, by the way.” 

“Don’t worry, I have plenty of space in my heart,” Hoseok replies with a smile. “I love my sister, but right now, she’s driving me crazy. She won’t be surprised.” 

“You’re no fun,” Taehyung pouts. 

Hoseok glances at Namjoon, feeling a twinge of guilt that their current conversation isn’t the most inclusive. 

“I don’t think it’s just us that want to be on that list,” Jimin says with a mischievous tone. “Something tells me that Namjoon-hyung also wants to be one of your favorite people.” 

Hoseok instantly feels himself flush, and he attempts to cool off by taking a generous swallow of his fruity cocktail. While feeling somewhat shy under the attention, he can’t help but wonder what Namjoon’s reaction will be. 

“Oh, absolutely. I think I have a ways to go to earn it,” Namjoon replies. “He’s already one of mine. How could he not after the way he saved me today?” 

Hoseok's entire body feels warm. Skipping the shirt under the hoody was a good choice. He unzips it a little subconsciously, completely oblivious to the attention on him as he does so. 

“I did what anyone would have,” he says with a dismissive shake of his head. 

“You upgraded me to first class,” Namjoon points out. “Maybe anyone else in your shoes would have taken me through security, but not everyone would have done that.” 

“Trust me, anyone with a heart and the amount of unused travel benefits I have would have done what I did. For flights as long as ours, economy is miserable.” 

“Are you saying my cousin isn’t special?” Taehyung asks, and Hoseok chokes on his drink. 

Namjoon chuckles that throaty, deep sound that Hoseok is undeniably attracted to, and his face feels uncomfortably warm. 

Are they trying to set them up…? 

“That’s not what I said,” Hoseok manages. “Besides, it was really nice to have the company.” 

Namjoon’s smile widens at the sentence, and dammit. Hoseok hates how easily the sight of it makes the corners of his lips automatically mirror him. 

“It was. I loved catching up with you,” Namjoon answers. 

“I keep forgetting you two really haven’t seen each other since Namjoon-hyung moved back to Korea and finished his service,” Taehyung says. 

“It’s because someone's been way too busy for game nights lately,” Jimin pouts, pointedly looking at Hoseok. 

“Hey! I’m trying to build up my savings.” 

“For what, though? You already make good money,” Jimin says, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, instantly picking up on the things Hoseok has left unsaid. 

The truth is, Hoseok has been working more to save up, but it's not that simple. There are definitely ulterior motives. Obviously the game nights are something he and Yoongi used to do with them, so it’s a somewhat raw reminder he likes to avoid confronting, so he hasn't been to one in months, but… Hoseok hasn’t told Jimin about the thoughts running through his mind about adopting. Something even Hoseok doesn’t like thinking much about is that… as a single prospective parent, he can’t adopt in South Korea. If it’s something he really wants to do, he’s going to have to move countries, and this is absolutely not the time to bring it up. This trip isn't about him, and knowing their friend group, everyone is going to be dramatic about it when it's only a possibility right now. 

Hoseok is grateful he isn’t very tipsy because his filter is almost nonexistent in that state. Oh god, he shouldn’t drink anything else tonight, not around Namjoon, who is sitting next to him in a pair of shorts. Their knees are only a couple of centimeters apart at best, and… Namjoon is so big. It’s distracting. 

His shoulders still feel the impression of Namjoon's hands there. 

“It never hurts to be prepared,” Hoseok answers with a shrug. “Besides, I really like my job.” 

“Uh-huh, there’s totally more to it, spill,” Jimin says.

“Not really,” Hoseok replies. “You know I like to keep busy.” 

“I don’t buy it,” Jimin says. 

“I do,” Namjoon interjects. “I’ve seen how excited he gets while talking about his work.” 

Hoseok is so grateful for Namjoon backing him up. He looks over at him, fondness blooming inside his chest all over again. He has no idea what kind of dopey expression he's wearing, but he doesn't really care. “Guess what? You two have been dethroned, Namjoon-ah is my new favorite,” he says without thinking. He feels a little sheepish when he realizes that he referred to him so casually. Calling him "Namjoon-ah" just felt so natural. 

Thankfully it seems natural to him, too, and he beams at Hoseok. “I guess I didn’t have to work as hard as I thought,” he says back. “Do you want another drink?” 

It’s thanks to Namjoon’s astute observation that he notices his drink is indeed empty. 

It’s probably a bad idea. He can already feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading, making him feel more relaxed than he ordinarily would be. This is the point at which he usually stops. Once upon a time, he used to feel embarrassed about being a lightweight, but as he got older, he stopped caring as much and just did his own thing. He was never the type to get drunk often, and he always felt incredibly embarrassed whenever he did. 

But he’s on vacation. All three of them have expressed a desire for him to let loose and have fun in their own ways. This is probably the safest he will ever be-- he doesn’t have to drive, his room is literally just upstairs, he’s with people he trusts. 

He ignores the whisper in the back of his mind that this is also the only night Yoongi isn't here. 

“Sure,” he replies back. “Maybe not a cocktail this time?” 

“What do you like?” Namjoon asks. 

“Surprise me,” Hoseok says back, unable to resist smiling at seeing Namjoon’s dimples. He watches the other man walking away, and he’s just tipsy enough that he takes too long dragging his eyes away from the other man. 

“Oh my god, hyung, you like him,” Jimin says, catching Hoseok’s attention. 

“Shut up,” he says, shaking his head. “I don’t, he’s just really good looking. Can’t blame a guy for checking him out.” 

“Last I checked, that was called liking someone,” Taehyung replies with a shit-eating grin. “Even if it’s just physical, which I don’t think it is.” 

Hoseok feels his face warming up too fast. “He does seem nice, and we flirted a bit on the plane, but I’m not looking for a relationship.” 

“Maybe you're not looking, but he is. For what it’s worth, he’s totally whipped for you.” Jimin’s devious smile proves to Hoseok that this is a set up. 

“Oh, yeah. You are all he talked about while we waited for you!” Taehyung shakes his head. “I’ve never seen him so down bad, it’s crazy.” 

“All the more reason I shouldn’t encourage it,” Hoseok replies. “I told him we should just keep things friendly, and I meant it.” 

“But why?” Jimin asks, cocking his head to the side. “If you’re attracted to him and he’s attracted to you, why don’t you give it a try?” 

Ugh, the question Hoseok doesn’t want to talk about… naturally Jimin brought it up. He tries to hide his frown, but knows his two best friends can absolutely see through him. “It’s complicated. Not sure I really am ready for another relationship, not even sure that I want one at this point.” 

There’s a strange look on Jimin’s face, and he's clearly about to say more, but he promptly shuts up when Namjoon returns with a bottle of red wine and a server in tow, carrying four glasses, quietly setting them on the table. The way Jimin holds Hoseok's gaze, though, tells him that this conversation is far from over. 

“I’m back! I got us a bottle of cabernet to share,” Namjoon says as he slides into his seat next to Hoseok, slightly closer this time. “I wanted to end the night easy.” 

“Great choice,” Hoseok answers with a genuine smile. This way, he can control how much alcohol he gets without having to feel guilty for not finishing something. Either Namjoon is made for him, or he’s a mind reader. 

Both make Hoseok feel fluttery and nervous. 

The server opens the bottle of wine and leaves it in the center of the table between them. Namjoon offers to pour, but Taehyung shakes his head and grabs the bottle. “Nope! I don’t trust your clumsy hands with this. I’m pouring.” 

Hoseok laughs softly, happy that the conversation isn’t focused on him now, content to learn more about Namjoon in general. Apparently, he is clumsy. That's not something he would have guessed. 

“You didn’t seem all that clumsy earlier,” Hoseok comments, pleased at seeing Namjoon’s more shy expression. 

“Catching you is one thing,” Namjoon answers. “I’m not always that coordinated.” 

Hoseok can feel the weight of the gazes on them, but he’s tipsy enough that he doesn’t care as much. It’s easier to ignore. 

“He caught you?” Taehyung asks with a laugh. 

“It’s not like you to fall, hyung,” Jimin says with a raised eyebrow. 

“It was all my fault, actually,” Namjoon answers, giving Hoseok a knowing look. “I was distracting him and he stumbled, but I steadied him before he could fall over.” 

“Oh, no, you’re not getting out of this without telling us details. Hoseok doesn’t stumble. What on earth did you say to him?” Jimin asks, looking like a child at Disney World. 

Hoseok wants to die, just a little bit. Curse his friends for being so goddamn nosey. He can’t deny his curiosity at what Namjoon’s going to say, though. He takes a sip from his wine and tries to not let on just how invested he feels. 

“I made a stupid joke and Hoseok laughed so hard he almost tripped,” Namjoon says teasingly. “To get more out of me, we’re either going to need more alcohol or an even better bribe.” 

Oh, Hoseok fucking adores him for the response. It’s true enough, but he loves anyone who can mess around with Jimin and Taehyung. They’re going to be curious as hell about this for ages. 

He also might adore the fact that he hasn’t said anything that puts Hoseok in a position where he has to say more than he wants to. It was the perfect response. If Namjoon said exactly what happened… Hoseok would feel uncomfortable. Maybe Namjoon is a mind reader. 

“What was the joke?” Taehyung asks. 

“It must be even better than Seokjin’s if it actually got that much of a reaction from Hoseok,” Jimin answers. “Come on, tell us!” 

“My lips are sealed,” Namjoon quips, giving Hoseok a wink. 

Dammit, Hoseok is so conflicted-- he loves that it feels like they have their own inside joke right now and he would be lying to himself if he tries to deny that he loves feeling like this, sitting next to him. It feels fun, easy, natural. 

But Hoseok felt like this before, when he first started flirting and getting to know Yoongi. 

Nothing good came of it. Once he and Namjoon go to their separate rooms, Hoseok is still going to feel like dating and love is a waste of time and energy. He needs to stop leading him on. He needs to stop encouraging this with their friends… let the spark fade to nothing but platonic friendship. 

“Hoseokie-hyung, you can’t keep secrets for shit. Why don’t you tell us what he said?” Jimin asks, an adorable expression on his face. The devilish smirk creeping over his lips gives him away, though. 

Hoseok rolls his eyes, but doesn’t bother denying it. Secrets are not his strong suit. “My lips are sealed, too,” he answers, finishing off his glass of wine. 

The rest of their conversations have less teasing and banter, more focused on catching up and details about the timing of everything wedding-related. It's good that they drank a bit before this. Hoseok finds himself feeling somewhat numb, but not able to really focus on the words being said, like it goes in one ear and out the other, leaving nothing but a strange, phantom ache in its wake. 

He pretends it doesn’t exist, though, giving answers and trying to play the part of an excited best man for his friends. Hoseok is pretty sure that at least Jimin and Taehyung are just humoring him, letting him have his mask and privacy. The strange thing is that Hoseok feels an interesting energy coming from Namjoon, like the other man can already sense Hoseok is holding things back, that something is off. 

Nobody has ever picked up on his non-verbal cues so well, let alone in such a short amount of time. Granted, by this point, Hoseok is completely sure Namjoon knows about his broken engagement, even if he hasn’t heard about it from Hoseok himself… clearly that hasn’t deterred Namjoon’s interest in him. 

Hoseok feels a little exposed and unsure if it’s a good or bad thing that Namjoon can see through him already. If an almost-stranger can do that… this wedding is going to be even more difficult to get through than he thought. 

Somehow, though, he settles on feeling that he kind of likes it. Namjoon isn't treating him like he's fragile, per se... more like Hoseok is a piece of classic art that he wants to learn and understand. The basis for his desire to know more seems like admiration. It's hard for Hoseok to not feel touched by the sentiment, so... it probably is a good thing. It's far better than what he's going to get from the more casual acquaintances of his at this event. 

After the others finish their wine and they stand up to leave, Hoseok is definitely feeling the alcohol, but he doesn't feel tired anymore. They part ways with Jimin and Taehyung at the lobby elevators, since they're staying in the honeymoon suite in a different section of the hotel. It's quiet with just Hoseok and Namjoon, but not uncomfortable. 

"Hoseok-ah, do you want me to ask Jimin and Taehyung to cool it a little? They're being really obvious about trying to set us up," Namjoon says when the elevator doors slide closed. He presses the button for their floor before returning his attention to Hoseok. 

"Probably," Hoseok says, though his heart isn't really in it. "I think they might back off on their own, though. This week is going to be busy for them, this was kind of their only night to be that straightforward about it." 

"That's true. Once the other guests and groomsmen get here tomorrow, they won't have as much time to devote to us," Namjoon replies. "Can I ask you something... personal?" 

Hoseok's nerves prick at the question, but he finds himself nodding on instinct. Best to get this over with. 

"How are you really doing with all of this? I heard... well..." 

"You heard about Yoongi and I," Hoseok finishes for him. Of course, the elephant in the room needed to be addressed at some point. Hoseok just wishes he knew what to say. There is no single answer that can encompass all of how he's doing with it. Some moments are fine, some are miserable, some are spent agonizing over every memory where he could have done better, second guessing himself. Other moments are full of anger at Yoongi for not saying something sooner. Some are spent with regret, others with longing. It's all complicated and exhausting. It's an iceberg of thoughts, feelings, and memories. There are ways to chip at it, ways to be honest without baring his soul before he's ready, though. "Honestly? I don't know how I am. It's been almost a year and I still am not sure what I want my future to look like now. I'm kind of lost, but I am happy for Jimin and Taehyung. That's more important, at least right now." 

The elevator dings and the doors slide open. Hoseok steps out first, but walks at Namjoon's side down the hall. "I get that, I think I would be lost, too. I kind of was after my last relationship, and I didn't date him all that long. Anyway, if you ever want to talk, I'm here. It might be easier to talk to someone who wasn't around for all of it, y'know?" 

Namjoon has a point, and the offer really makes Hoseok's heart feel a multitude of things he doesn't know how to unpack. "Thank you," he says, turning to look at Namjoon. He gives him a small smile, feeling his heart pound a little because they are so close. "I'm sorry you went through something. If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you, too." He means it. Namjoon seems like a genuinely sweet guy, and Hoseok does want to have a deeper connection with him, even if he would rather keep it platonic. This would be a great way to start, wouldn't it? 

Hoseok is also very... interested about whatever happened in New York with Namjoon, and whether it has anything to do with his ex. 

"Thank you," Namjoon answers, flashing him a smile. "Looks like we're back to our rooms." 

"Yeah..." he says, trailing off. Tipsy or not, he's not tired enough to sleep yet. He hasn't forgotten his offer from earlier, either. "I know it's late, but do you still want to do a face mask with me?" Hoseok asks, silently hoping Namjoon will say yes. 

"I'd love to," Namjoon replies. "Give me a moment to change into pajamas, I'll be right over." 

"See you in a minute," Hoseok answers back, watching as Namjoon's door closes behind him. 

There's a strange feeling settling over Hoseok that he can't describe. It's probably because that's actually the most honest conversation he has had with anyone outside of Jimin and Taehyung about the situation. It's freeing being seen, even if he's also terrified of it. With Namjoon, at least, it doesn't feel terrifying anymore. It actually feels good getting some of it off his chest. Something about him is just so different-- different from all of his other friends, different from his one night stands, different from Minji... and while similar to Yoongi in some ways, still so different from him, too. 

It's something to treasure and protect, so he really needs to not mess it up. 

He changes into a pair of pajama shorts and throws on a tank top. Namjoon's timing is perfect-- he knocks right after Hoseok is fully clothed again. 

Hoseok isn't sure what he was expecting to see Namjoon wear, but adorable pastel blue pajama bottoms with little koalas on them is not it, and he cracks a huge smile. Despite Namjoon's bulk, he's got a cute side to him that Hoseok finds him even more attractive for. "You look so fucking cute," he comments, still experiencing the lack of filter that comes with drinking. 

"I'm not the only one who does," Namjoon replies with a grin, eyes drifting over Hoseok's exposed skin. 

Hoseok laughs, shaking his head. "My pajamas are boring as hell, they're all white." 

"You don't need cute pajamas to look cute, you know," Namjoon says playfully. He moves on before Hoseok can respond. "Anyway, I also brought us snacks. The last meal service on the flight feels like forever ago, and I thought I'd share." 

"You're the best," Hoseok answers back, stepping aside to invite him into the room. 

They munch on some snacks and pick a movie to put on for background noise before they get around to actually putting the sheet masks on. Instead of paying attention to the movie, they end up talking about everything and nothing simultaneously. The both commiserate over their shitty experiences in the military and bond over other mundane parts of life. Hoseok learns about Namjoon's love of poetry, and that he even self-published a book somewhat recently. It's nice to have more knowledge about the person he's come to like so much. 

Eventually, they both wear out and have to call it a night, but Hoseok is grateful to have had his company for a while longer. 

After he leaves, Hoseok feels the loneliness creep back in, more so than before. No, that's not quite right... Hoseok knows that he's been lonely. He isn't any more lonely now than he was prior to this trip, only that he feels it more acutely now that he's had a taste of companionship. He really shouldn't skip game nights anymore... he should spend more time with his friends. While everything Taehyung and Jimin said earlier tonight was playful, the fact that they kept bringing up how busy Hoseok's been means that they miss him, too. 

He sighs into his pillow, guilt of being an absentee friend starting to suffocate him. It feels like it's hard to do anything right. Thoughts about them bounce around... but so do thoughts of Namjoon. Hoseok's earlier thoughts in the night were right: he still feels like dating and romance are a waste of time. What he feels for Namjoon right now will fade into friendship because if it doesn’t, that means it would probably be heartbreak instead, and Hoseok can’t take anymore of that. If Hoseok kept his relationship with Yoongi platonic, he is sure that they would still be friends right now. 

Instead, they are strangers, out of the orbits of each other’s lives. As much as Hoseok misses loving Yoongi, he also misses the parts of him that he got to experience when they were just friends. He regrets dating him because if he hadn’t, he never would have lost him. He hates that they are exes when their friendship was one of the best parts of his twenties, and now... they're all bittersweet memories. 

Hoseok stews in his thoughts, tossing and turning in the too-big bed, until eventually, his fatigue wins out over his mind. 

Notes:

I gotta say, writing fluff and romance with just a moderate level of angst is actually a challenge. I'm so used to writing serious angst xD

Hopefully everyone enjoyed the chapter, thank you so much for reading and every single comment, kudos, and bookmark! You have no idea how much it means to me and how much it brightens my day.

Take care loves, and see you next time!

Chapter 3: Three: What Was All of it For?

Summary:

Dread of seeing Yoongi again and the memories of their last moments together fills Hoseok's morning, making him edgy and late to breakfast with Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung. Before he can even eat his food, he gets a call from a colleague at work that shakes everything up further. Presented with a seemingly golden opportunity, Hoseok now has even more to contend with emotionally.

Thankfully he has a good support system.

Notes:

Hellooooo and welcome to another chapter of Waste it On Me!!

Thank you to everyone who is currently reading and commenting on the fic. Your support and love for this story makes it easier to keep writing! My personal life seems to love existing in a constant state of crazy, so it's really nice having this one part of my life that is so purely positive. Thank you all so much for that. I hope you continue enjoying my story ♡♡♡

This chapter's a little more angsty than we've had so far, but I promise it gets better. Here you go!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Chapter Three: What Was All of It For? (We Don’t Talk Anymore - Charlie Puth) 

“Hoseok-ah, we need to talk,” Hoseok is told immediately upon walking through the door of his apartment with Yoongi. 

Though Hoseok is exhausted from a fourteen hour non-stop flight from New York to Seoul, all of that is forgotten in favor for checking in on the love of his life. 

“Is everything okay?” Hoseok asks, concerned by the sound of Yoongi’s voice. He leaves his pilot bag next to his shoes at the entrance in haste. Yoongi’s expression looks anxious and downcast-- an expression Hoseok hasn’t seen much of in recent years. 

“Can you just hold me?” his fiancé asks with a small sniffle. 

“Of course,” he replies. Not wasting a single second, Hoseok takes him in his arms, wrapping him up tight. He brushes aside some of Yoongi’s long hair with his nose before placing a kiss on his temple. “I missed you.” 

“I missed you, too,” Yoongi whispers, holding him so tightly, the breath is knocked out of Hoseok. For a moment, he just clings to him, trembling slightly. Hoseok strokes his back softly, tenderly. A million worries cross his mind, but he doesn’t let it distract him from consoling the person he loves most in the world. It doesn’t appear to be working much, though. Yoongi starts to sob in his arms, and Hoseok’s worries intensify. 

“Shh, I’m here now,” he whispers, bringing a hand to gently play with Yoongi’s longer strands of hair at the base of his neck. “It’s going to be okay, baby.” 

“I-- I don’t think it will,” Yoongi cries, pulling away from Hoseok but refusing to meet his gaze. His face remains hidden by his long, black hair. 

That is Hoseok’s first non-verbal clue that something is very, very wrong. 

Yoongi has never been the best at eye contact, but since they started dating and especially since they’ve been engaged, Hoseok has never noticed it being hard for Yoongi to look at him like this. Yoongi’s gorgeous cat-like eyes are cast downwards towards the floor. 

Avoidance of eye contact means he’s uncomfortable… with Hoseok. But why, all of a sudden? 

His heart twists painfully in his chest, trying to refrain from jumping to conclusions. 

Hoseok takes a steadying breath, letting his partner have the space he seems to need, though he doesn’t seem to want. 

Yoongi grabs Hoseok’s hand, and there’s another silent clue that something is way more wrong than it should be. 

His fiance is not wearing his engagement ring. 

At this point, Hoseok’s heart is pounding and he stares at the hand leading him to the living room they’ve shared for four years together, lost in the web of thoughts, fears, and confusion. “What’s… wrong, hyung? Where is your ring?” The words come out before he has a chance to think about them. 

Yoongi visibly cringes as he guides Hoseok to sit down on the couch adjacent to the recliner he sits down in, all the while still refusing to meet his gaze. Sniffles give way the fact that he hasn’t stopped crying, but that’s the only indicator because his silky, long hair creates a curtain, obscuring his facial features from Hoseok’s anxious, worried eyes. 

“If something happened to it, I can get you another one,” Hoseok tries, brain short-circuiting and trying to grasp at any straws for this to not mean what he worries it does. This can’t be happening, even though he knows that Yoongi would never act like this if he lost his ring somehow…

The suggestion makes Yoongi sob again, and he withdraws his hand. “I’m sorry, Hoseok-ah. I… I should have kept it on,” he says miserably. 

Hoseok’s brows knit together in confusion, a hint of relief seeping into him from the words… that doesn’t last long. If this was only about a lost engagement ring, that isn’t what he would have said. 

As a matter of fact, his words imply that he has the ring, but chose not to wear it. 

The thudding in his chest speeds up, and his voice comes out unsteady, rather than gentle like he means. “It’s okay, baby. Just talk to me, alright?” Hoseok lightly pats Yoongi’s knee with his hand, hoping the touch brings him a little bit of comfort. “Tell me what’s going on, I’m all ears.” 

“I had a panic attack today,” Yoongi starts, voice barely above a whisper. 

Hoseok’s heart aches at the thought. It physically pains him to imagine Yoongi alone in this apartment with nobody to comfort him. It also makes him feel jittery. As far as he knows, Yoongi hasn’t had a panic attack in about a year. Mentally, he’s been doing so much better than he was when they first met, so it must have been something pretty serious. 

“I’m sorry, I know those take a lot out of you,” Hoseok says, voice cracking with fear, even if he’s trying to swallow it down. “What… triggered it?” 

“Hoseok-ah, you know I love you, right?” Yoongi asks, pleading, almost… guilty. 

Answering a question with another question is never a good sign. 

“Y-yeah,” he replies, unable to keep his voice from quivering. “I love you, too. I always have, and I always will.” 

He’s starting to get really scared now, especially when instead of his words comforting Yoongi, they make him cry again. 

The words ‘I love you’ only ever make someone sad when… 

He forces the thought from his mind. 

“Fuck, this is so hard,” Yoongi curses, bringing his hands up to his face. 

Hoseok senses the need for space, but everything in him wants to scoop him up in his arms and hold him as he cries it out, tell him that no matter what it is, they can face it together. He doesn’t know what’s hurting him so much, but he wishes he could take it all away. Seeing Yoongi like this is terrifying, and he doesn’t know what to do to help. 

His last words didn’t help at all. 

He doesn’t even notice that he’s crying, too. 

“Hoseok… I need to tell you something… I’ve been holding back for a while,” Yoongi confesses, shaking like a leaf. 

The words really don’t bring an ounce of comfort to him in the slightest, but he takes a deep breath and really tries to calm himself down. “You can tell me anything, hyung,” Hoseok whispers, hoping his fears are all unfounded. No problem is impossible for them to work through if they set their minds to it. Everyone gets cold feet sometimes. 

“I’m so sorry,” Yoongi sobs, almost like he can’t bring himself to say whatever it is on his mind. 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Hoseok answers, pained. “Something is hurting you, I just want you to tell me so we can fix it.” 

“This can’t be fixed…” 

His throat feels tight, and for a moment, Hoseok wonders if he’s having a heart attack with how instantly awful those words make him feel. He’s too young for that, he knows, but… something is so horribly wrong and Yoongi won’t tell him why. 

They always work things out when they’ve had to. Why would this be any different? 

“Hyung, you’re scaring me. What’s… what’s wrong?” Even to Hoseok, his own voice sounds pitiful. 

“I can’t-- I can’t marry you,” Yoongi chokes out. 

Hoseok wouldn’t be able to tell anyone how much time it takes for him to process those words. It feels like an eternity, but of course it can’t be that long. He stares at Yoongi, still as a statue and feeling the terror crash over him like an avalanche. His tongue feels like it’s glued to the roof of his mouth, and his whole body begins to quiver. It feels like everything is in slow motion. 

“Wh-what?”

“I’m sorry, Hoseok. I’m so sorry,” Yoongi cries. 

“What?” he echoes himself, staring at the form of the person he loves… the very same one who can’t look him in the eyes. 

“I can’t marry you,” Yoongi repeats, slower this time. 

In an instant, the shock is replaced with denial, disbelief. “You don’t mean that…” he says, feeling himself shrinking away from him, as if making himself smaller will protect his shattering heart. 

“I wish I didn’t,” the other man croaks. 

“Why?” Hoseok asks, barely able to get his voice to work. 

“I… I’m not who you need,” Yoongi manages, finally looking up to see Hoseok’s tear-streaked face. It’s like he finally has the ability to confront this, to look him in the eyes and say his piece, but now Hoseok can’t stomach the sight. His whole world is turning upside down, and he can’t even see Yoongi’s face, his eyes are so watery, so blurry. 

“I love you. I love you so much, but… I’ve been having panic attacks whenever I think too hard about… us as parents. Today, I saw the picture of you and your niece on the fridge, and I just… broke. I know how much you want kids. You would make such a good dad someday, Hoseok. But me? I’m not built for it. I thought… I could be okay with it for you. I wanted to be okay with it. I told myself it’s just nerves, the feeling will go away, but… the attacks keep getting worse and I can’t pretend anymore. I haven’t been able to tell you that… I realized that I don’t want… to be a parent.” 

Just like that, Hoseok feels his heart break into a million pieces and anger takes its place. 

“That’s what this is about? Kids?” he asks, tone harsher than he would normally ever allow it to be. He and Yoongi have never raised their voices at each other, not even during arguments. But Hoseok isn’t himself right now. Even as Yoongi flinches away from him, Hoseok doesn’t feel an ounce of remorse. 

“Y-yes,” Yoongi says, sounding the smallest Hoseok has ever heard him sound. 

“You should have told me,” Hoseok says, physically turning away from Yoongi, no longer feeling comfortable being seen crying by him. “When did you start keeping secrets from me like this?” 

“I-- Hoseok-ah, I’m sorry,” Yoongi apologizes, sounding just as devastated as Hoseok feels. “I didn’t know how to tell you.” 

“When, hyung? How long have you been holding this back?” Hoseok doesn’t know how to bring himself down from this kind of betrayal. It’s killing him inside. 

“A few months,” Yoongi confesses. “When… we watched Kyungmi for Jiwoo’s birthday weekend. You were at the store, and it suddenly… got real. I was alone with her, scared shitless, she cried for you, and it hit me that… if we… if we ever had kids, and I was alone as much as I am now… I can’t do it. I just can’t. I thought I was okay with how busy you are, but you were just at the store for thirty minutes and that’s all it took for me to freak out. What would I do if you were hours away? I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. A kid deserves so much more than what I can give. You deserve so much more than I can give. I can’t marry you and be the partner you need, and I-- I won’t let you give up your dream for me. I love you enough to let you go.” 

It’s like the floodgate of everything Yoongi’s been feeling is opened, and Hoseok wants nothing more than to put up a wall, a dam, anything to stop the onslaught coming at him. A million things run through his mind, but the worst is… Yoongi made this decision without him. Yoongi would rather hold things back, bottle it up, and make decisions concerning them as a couple without even telling him. 

Yoongi loves him enough to let him go, but not enough to let him stay. 

Hoseok hasn’t even had a chance to consider whether or not kids are a dealbreaker for him. He always imagined them someday… but his life with Yoongi has been fulfilling enough, and he will always be an uncle. Not having children isn’t something he is going to rush into saying he’s okay with, that kind of thing would take a lot of time to consider, but Yoongi didn’t even ask. He just assumed. 

It’s not how they handle hardships, ever. Their entire relationship, they have had their ups and downs, but they always got past their downs by having mature conversations about what caused the problems and how each other could either help or communicate clearer. 

Yoongi choosing to handle this alone and leaving Hoseok with the aftermath of his decision… 

That’s the real betrayal. 

Hoseok doesn’t feel like he has the space to share how he feels. He can’t even bring himself to call him out on the fact that Yoongi is his dream, too. Not having Yoongi in his life is still the loss of a dream. He could work less hours. He can change his schedule. Other pilots have done it. Yoongi knows that. If he was struggling being alone… he could have told him that. There has to be so much more left unsaid, all disguised under this one issue, and Hoseok just can’t handle it. 

The idea of it going deeper than this is even worse because that means he’s been blind all along to the signs. It means that something has been fundamentally wrong in their relationship, and he has no clue for how long. 

He suddenly feels like everything is fault. He should have noticed something, right? If he did, maybe this… could be fixed. But he’s floundering and feels stupid, hurt, and he hasn’t had the time to process anything. 

Hoseok can’t help it, he grabs a pillow and sobs like a baby into it. It’s not comforting. It’s not pretty. It’s visceral, fueled by the crushing devastation, betrayal, and heartache. 

When Yoongi tries to touch him, he shies away like he’s been shocked. Normally, his touch is the most comforting thing in the world. Right now, it’s nothing but sheer torture. He is the one Hoseok trusted most-- he trusted him to be honest and mature about his feelings, to be capable of communicating before problems got too big between them. He trusted him to be a safe place to fall when he’s at his lowest. He trusted Yoongi to trust him. Hoseok trusted him with everything he has, and this… this is how it all ends. 

If he could hold back something as big as this for months, what else could he have been withholding? 

That hand on his back might as well be a knife. 

“Hoseok-ah, say something, please,” Yoongi pleads, voice wrecked. 

Even in the throws of the most intense heartbreak of his life, Hoseok’s heart still wants to take away his pain. But he can’t form words, can’t even make any sounds. His sobs have gone silent but no less violent. There’s no air. He can’t breathe. He doesn’t know how to pull himself together, too lost in the shock to find words that might do anything to fix this. 

Time stretches on in uncomfortable silence. For how long, Hoseok isn’t even sure. Time almost doesn’t even seem to really exist, except for in his body. His limbs ache from the position and how tightly he clutches the pillow. His eyes sting with unformed tears, too dry from spending hours in a plane. A wicked dehydration headache makes his head pound in his skull. 

Part of him doesn’t want to move. Moving would mean facing this. Moving would mean showing his face to the person who hurt him most in the world while he feels the most vulnerable. Moving would mean they are really doing this: losing each other. 

Regardless, Hoseok knows his time of hiding has run out. Somehow, he finds the strength to look Yoongi in the eyes. His cat-eyes are puffy and red-rimmed. His lower lip looks slightly swollen from biting it. The skin of Yoongi’s face is pale, almost like he looks physically sick. For the first time tonight, Hoseok notices the bags from lack of sleep, the gauntness of his features probably from eating less. Other things he didn’t see in time to make a positive difference. 

He wonders what his own face looks like in Yoongi’s eyes. 

“Hoseok-ah, I’m so sorry,” Yoongi says, dark brown eyes still wet with tears. There is so much pain and fear in them. 

Meanwhile, he is at a complete loss for words. What is there even left to say anymore? Yoongi made it clear: his decision is made. It wasn’t merely a suggestion, it didn’t come across as even a discussion. 

If Yoongi wanted to hear his thoughts, opinions, and feelings on the matter, he would have asked him. He didn’t. 

Funny Yoongi is asking him to say something, but he already shut down every counterpoint Hoseok would have tried. 

It can’t be fixed. 

That implies Yoongi won’t try to fix it. Hoseok can’t do it alone, and he most definitely can’t do it while feeling like this. 

I can’t marry you. 

Hoseok would never try to force him to do anything against his will. 

I won’t let you give up on your dream for me. 

He already has forced Hoseok to lose one of them. 

How can he fight it when it feels like it’s already over? His trust is shattered. He feels so small, so stupid, so pathetic. He’s never felt so shut down before and doesn’t know what to do. His heart is broken and everything hurts. Right now, protecting himself is all he can do. 

His legs feel like they’re made of lead as he stands up, swaying slightly as he does so, unable to stomach looking at Yoongi for even another second more. 

“I need to go,” Hoseok says hollowly, ignoring Yoongi’s attempt to grab his hand, not even hearing the words leaving his mouth, only seeing those lips move. In a daze, Hoseok moves on autopilot. All he knows is that he needs out. He can’t stay in the apartment they built their life together in and see Yoongi looking at him like that, like he’s expecting some kind of answer… some kind of acknowledgement to the ending of what he thought would be his forever. 

He sure as hell can’t share a bed with him tonight. 

Maybe eventually, he can talk to him and say what’s on his mind, give them both closure. Not right now. 

It’s a godsend that he never unpacked his bag. He slips his shoes on, not even bothering to tie them. In a second, he’s out the door, back in the chilly March air. His entire spine shakes more intensely in the cold, but Hoseok isn’t even sure it stopped shaking to begin with. He doesn’t let himself look back, afraid of both outcomes… either Yoongi is watching him walk away and letting him, or that he isn’t even there. 

Hoseok makes it as far as his car before he realizes that he can’t drive like this, and he dials the number of his best friend. 

… 

All Hoseok wants to do is feign illness and hide in his room all day. 

He knows he can’t do that, but who’s to stop him from dragging his feet a little and taking his time to get ready? 

Nobody. 

So that’s what he does. His morning shower takes twice as long. His grooming routine and skin-care after the shower take almost as long. The whole time is a never ending uphill battle with himself, trying to stop himself from sinking into the memories of the last time he saw Yoongi.  

After almost a year of dreading this day, naturally he can’t help thinking about it. 

The last time Hoseok saw Yoongi, his arms ached from moving box upon box out of what used to be their apartment. Hoseok hoped he would be done before Yoongi came home, still not used to the chasm of change between them. Every word shared was awkward, stilted, rife with pain and struggle, and Hoseok wasn’t sure that he could actually say goodbye. 

Yet when Yoongi walked through that door, that was when everything actually sank in between them. The shock was still there, a little, but that was the best conversation they managed post-breakup. Hoseok remembers how they said a lot more than they did in their initial break, but still left so much unsaid. He also remembers the empty words exchanged, pretending that they would somehow make it out of this ordeal as friends. He remembers how instantly that promise was doomed… because just after that, they kissed each other goodbye. 

They knew it would never be the same for them after this. Hoseok could see it in Yoongi’s eyes, the way his hands kept reaching for Hoseok, the way he sounded when he asked him for one last kiss, one last hug. 

Hoseok never was good at denying him anything. 

Tears streamed down their faces, chapped lips against smooth ones, two hearts broken beyond repair, hands scared to touch one another but hungrily doing so all the same. 

The taste of salt on his lips is too easy to recall, like it was just yesterday. 

No friendships ever start like that. 

Hoseok does miss their friendship with every bone in his body. He would give anything for it to simply be that easy to get back to. If friendship is still in the cards for them, then it must be who knows how far off in the future. It’s not in them today any more than it was last March. The heartbreak left Hoseok with jagged edges and deep cuts. Until each and every one of them starts to heal, being “friends” will just cause more pain, no matter how much he misses him. 

As much as he dreads seeing Yoongi again, a friendship doesn’t spring up out of nowhere. If he wants to achieve that someday, he will have to put forth effort. It’ll take some degree of amicable interactions, at least seeing each other again. 

Hoseok thinks… he can probably manage that much. 

Not to mention, Seokjin is arriving today. It’s been way too long since Hoseok has seen him, so it’s not surprising that he’s starting to feel a twinge of excitement building. 

And maybe… Seokjin isn’t the only person he’s excited to see today. The idea of seeing Namjoon in a matter of minutes is enough to make his heart speed up just a little, this time, for much better reasons.

So he takes a deep breath, spritzes his cologne, and walks out the door. 

… 

Just like last night, Hoseok is the last to arrive. It only takes a moment to spot the trio, huddled over a table, all eating like they’re starving teenagers. Once he gets close, he greets them excitedly, hopefully successfully not showing how nervous he is for the day. “Good morning!” he chirps, taking the empty seat next to Namjoon, who looks like a dream in his white t-shirt, blue unbuttoned shortsleeve, and denim jeans. 

“Goddamn, hyung, if I had a nickel for every time you were late, I’d only have ten cents… which isn’t much, but it’s weird that it happened twice,” Taehyung comments. 

Hoseok rolls his eyes dramatically. “It takes time to look this good,” he quips. 

“You always look good,” Jimin says with a laugh. 

“You do,” Namjoon quietly adds, a soft smile on his lips. 

“Mhm, you’re the most put-together looking person in the room no matter the time,” Taehyung elaborates. “I think I can count on my hand the number of times I’ve seen you look disheveled.” 

“I can’t even imagine it,” Namjoon replies smoothly, though the way he looks at Hoseok is like they’re sharing an inside joke. After all, it was last night that Hoseok sat in his pajamas with a sheet mask on his face. It doesn’t get much more ‘disheveled’ than that. The thought brings a smile to his lips instantly. 

“Thanks,” Hoseok answers warmly. “Your skin looks great today, by the way.” 

Namjoon visibly brightens at the response. “Thanks. So does yours.” 

A chuckle bubbles past his lips and he ignores the looks he gets from his two best friends. “So what’s our agenda for today?” he changes topics before they can question him. 

He blinks in surprise at the deflation in both of the grooms. 

“Okay, I’m definitely missing something. What happened?” he asks. 

Jimin pipes up. “Our florist had a family emergency. She had to take her daughter to the ER… something about a broken arm? She said she’ll get here tomorrow, but she was supposed to make the centerpieces for the reception tables today, so she’s going to be really behind. Her assistant is busy with an event back home so she can’t fly here, and none of the florists in the nearby area are available to help.” 

“Oh, I see. That’s definitely not good news. Is there anything we can do to help?” Hoseok asks, somewhat grateful for the chance to do something for the wedding, but concerned because there are so many details to juggle, and it’s super easy for things to go wrong. 

Not that he got anywhere near this point with planning his own wedding, of course. 

“There is something,” Taehyung comments. “We could use your help making the centerpieces. Are you okay helping us with that? If all four of us work on it, it probably won’t eat up too much of our day today.” 

“Oh, I’d love to,” Namjoon interjects. “I love flowers.” 

“I didn’t ask you, hyung. You didn’t have a choice. I think you’re happy to have the chance,” Taehyung replies with a shit-eating grin. 

“Rude!” Namjoon comments, kicking his cousin’s shin under the table and grinning at the “ow” Taehyung utters in response. “But you’re not wrong, so…” 

They all share a chuckle. 

“Jokes aside, I do kind of feel bad asking you to do anything, Hoseok-hyung,” Taehyung remarks with a pout. 

“We just told you to take a break, and not even twelve hours later, we’re asking for your help,” Jimin says, shaking his head. 

Meanwhile Hoseok laughs and shakes his head back. “Nonsense! This is what I’m here for. Taehyung said it perfectly: if we all work on it, it won’t take long. I can think of way worse things you could ask me to do.” 

Honestly keeping busy sounds like the perfect way to spend the day. He imagines it to have a similarly relaxing vibe like putting together a puzzle or something. He could be wrong, it’s not like Hoseok has ever done much with flowers aside from plucking them. It could be stressful, trying to get it to look just right, but… he’ll reserve judgement until he’s actually working with them. 

“You’re the best,” Jimin cheers. “Both of you,” he amends. 

Namjoon rolls his eyes. “I’m always an afterthought with you.” 

“Not true. I’m just still high off the fact that I’ve now seen Hoseok two days in a row. It’ll wear off eventually.” 

It’s Hoseok’s turn to roll his eyes and laugh, covering up the prickles of guilt creeping in at yet another reminder of how absent he’s been. “I’m going to grab some food and I’ll be right back.” He is sure to smile as he stands up, but it falls as soon as he turns out of their line of sight. Internally, he tells himself that it’s fine and natural for them to be a bit upset at him. He never should have let himself get so busy and be so distant with them in the first place. He has a lot of making up to do, the least he can manage is to accept their comments with grace. 

He swiftly goes through the breakfast buffet, grabbing mostly fruit and light eats. His appetite is almost nonexistent, but skipping the meal entirely would most definitely not go unnoticed. 

As he sets his plate down on the table, his cell phone rings. It’s one of his colleagues (and closest male friend) at work, Hyoseob. They typically work the Seoul-NYC flights together ever since one of the older pilots retired a few months ago. “Sorry guys, I have to take this,” Hoseok says before stepping away from the table to answer. 

“Hello?” he asks into the phone, wondering why Hyoseob is calling him. 

“Man, I’m glad you answered! I know you’re on your PTO…” 

“No worries, what’s up?” he asks, super curious as to what warrants the call. It’s like, 5am in Korea, 3pm in NYC. 

“Okay, so maybe it’s going to be a lot to take in, but I felt like I had to tell you anyway. I know you haven’t made any serious plans about moving abroad yet, just thinking about it, but when I heard this, I thought of you. I was talking to another pilot here at JFK. Delta has a first officer pilot position opening for almost $230 USD per hour for someone with your experience, and the US has a maximum of 1,000 flight hours per year. That puts the rough base salary at $230k a year, not counting the per diems. That’s a better work-life balance and a serious upgrade in pay. The pilot says that they’ve sponsored work visas in the past. If you’re serious about it, you should apply on their website. The home base hasn’t been decided yet, this country has way too many damn states you could end up in, but… I thought you should know. Opportunities like this don’t show up when you’re looking for them.” 

Hoseok’s jaw drops as Hyoseob talks, his mind reeling just a little bit. He didn’t expect to hear this, not at all. It’s a golden opportunity, exactly what he’s hoping for. That’s almost double what he makes currently and for less hours? All those years studying English and Spanish might really pay off. 

Guilt quickly sweeps away the excitement, though, as his gaze drifts back to the table of three. He turns around, knowing that his face is basically subtitled. The timing couldn’t be much worse if it tried. 

If only he’d gotten a chance like this right after the breakup with Yoongi… 

“Hyung, thank you so much for telling me about this,” Hoseok answers. 

“Why don’t you sound excited?” Hyoseob asks, mildly concerned. 

“I just… I don’t know what to feel, honestly. Leaving Korea is still just an idea, now it might be a reality. Uprooting your whole life is a huge decision and one I am so not ready for at the moment. My friends here keep commenting on how busy I’ve already been, and now if I get the job, I’d be actually leaving them…” Hoseok is surprised at how easily he lets this personal baggage pour out. It’s so much easier talking to someone who is only invested in Hoseok’s wellbeing, though. 

“I see. Well… I look at it this way: Your friends have always been supportive of you from what you’ve told me. They might miss you, but if you aren’t happy, and from what you’ve told me, you aren’t… wouldn’t they want you to pursue something that will make you happy? And given the job, it’s not like you won’t be able to see them. Korea to almost anywhere in the US is only about fifteen-sixteen hours max. They can see you or you can see them. I bet the travel benefits are comparable to ours, you’ll just have to actually use them for a change. Working less hours, you’ll have more free time, too. Is it really that big of a difference?” Hyoseob asks. 

“You make good points,” Hoseok replies weakly. “It’s still a lot.” 

“True, I get it. I know I can’t try for it, my girl, Sooyoung, would kill me, but… that’s my reason for not going for it. If your only reason is nerves or uncertainty, you should at least apply. Worst case scenario, you don’t get it and keep the status quo, nothing has to change. Best case scenario, you get it and you have the choice. Even if you choose to stay with KA, maybe you could use the offer as leverage for a raise.” 

Hoseok nods absently, agreeing with where he’s coming from. This entire call, he has made nothing but good points. In reality, he has nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain. That doesn’t make it easier to wrap his head around this, though. 

If he does get the job, what would he do? 

Moving to the US and basically starting fresh does sound enticing… he could adopt a child as a single parent… with that kind of money and his current savings, he could probably buy a decent house in most US states… 

But leaving all of his friends and his family would be difficult. He wouldn’t get to spend as much time with his sister and niece, but… Hyoseob is right when he points out that Hoseok isn’t happy like this. He isn’t sure what it would take to make him happy in Korea. So far, nothing works. This is at least a chance to make a change that could bring him happiness. 

“Yeah, you’re right, hyung. I’ll apply later tonight when I get a chance. Thanks for calling me about this, you’re the best.” 

“You’re damn right, I am. Anyway, I gotta catch a shuttle to my hotel. Thank fuck it’s not rush hour yet. Talk to you later.” 

“Later!” Hoseok replies before the line goes dead. 

He takes a minute to calm the internal swirl of racing thoughts before he makes his way back over to the table of his friends. 

“Sooo… hyung, what was that all about?” Jimin asks. 

“You look shaken up, are you okay?” Namjoon asks, brows furrowed slightly. 

“Ah, it’s just workplace drama. I’m surprised, is all,” Hoseok answers, but he can’t meet anyone’s gazes, and lying is not his strong suit in the slightest. Even Namjoon can probably see right through him, but he hopes against all hope that nobody presses him. 

“Are you sure?” Taehyung asks, lower lip jutting out slightly. 

Hoseok feels his whole face start to warm up from sitting in the hot seat. All of their concerned expressions fixed on him make him want to spill everything. He doesn’t know how to dodge this gracefully, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. This week is supposed to be about Taehyung and Jimin, their relationship, and celebrating things, having fun. Hoseok’s decision about this doesn’t fall under any of those categories. 

“Please just let it go?” Hoseok asks instead, blinking at them with wide eyes. 

“Okay,” Jimin says quietly. “You know you can talk to us, right?” 

“I know,” Hoseok answers. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” 

Namjoon’s expression looks soft and thoughtful as he gives Hoseok a reassuring smile. Under the table, a large hand gives a gentle pat to Hoseok’s knee, making his whole body tingle with a different kind of warmth. Jimin and Taehyung both still look apprehensive, but they respect his request to let it go and change topics, shifting the focus back to the wedding and the agenda for the day. After breakfast, they’ll go to the room where the flowers are kept and get to working. The first wave of arrivals is coming in the mid-afternoon, including Yoongi, his plus one, and Seokjin. Hoseok mostly listens, even if he has troubles focusing, and tries to eat, he really does. In the end, he only manages a few bites. 

After their table is cleared and they all start walking towards the storage room, a hand catches his arm. “Hoseok-hyung, can I have your help real quick? I need to grab some things from my suite and need an extra hand.” Jimin’s gaze is fixed right on him, and Hoseok nods slightly, dreading the conversation to come. “We’ll meet you there!” 

Namjoon and Taehyung nod and keep going ahead, chatting about the choice in flowers and overall what the centerpieces are supposed to look like. Namjoon’s eyes linger on Hoseok, clearly concerned but trying not to be.

It tugs at Hoseok’s heartstrings as he allows Jimin to pull him along towards the elevators. 

“Hyung, I’m not going to pressure you to talk… I know everything here has to be hard for you. I just want you to know that I love you and will listen when you do have something to say. I know you’re probably telling yourself that this week isn’t about you, but that’s not true. This week is about Taehyung and I and everyone we care about, and that includes you. If you need a break from anything, please for the love of god, let me know, okay?” Jimin says, wrapping him up in a hug. 

Hoseok accepts it in a daze, feeling the comfort washing over him from the physical contact. Touch has always been one of his biggest love languages, both giving and receiving, and it’s easier to breathe after being held like this. He squeezes Jimin’s frame back, appreciating the familiarity of the embrace. He doesn’t realize that his eyes are wet until a tear slips down his cheek. 

How can he hold back what’s on his mind when Jimin is like this? He’s the best friend that Hoseok has always depended on whenever big decisions pop up. He’s been there through the good times and the bad, and holding stuff back will only make it harder to open up later on. 

But there’s an undercurrent of fear gripping him. Yoongi is also someone he trusted to that degree, and Yoongi also blindsided him, changing their whole lives in an instant. 

The realization that Hoseok could be doing the same thing smacks him in the face, and he sobs quietly. 

“Shhh, hyung, it’s okay. Let’s get into the elevator, alright?” Jimin says, rubbing his back. 

Clumsily, they pull apart and make their way into the elevator. Hoseok’s sobs stop, turning into shaky breaths instead. He wipes his eyes with the backs of his hands, trying to pull himself together. As each floor passes on their way up, Hoseok knows that he needs to talk to Jimin, even if he’s scared of what he’s going to say. This is exactly what he wished Yoongi had done: talk about it, rather than bottle it up. 

He and Jimin aren’t romantic and never have been, but… the weight of relationships like these aren’t to be taken lightly. 

Hoseok is trembling slightly as he enters Jimin and Taehyung’s suite, and true to Jimin’s word, he doesn’t press him to talk. He just guides him to sit down on a chaise lounge chair, gaze lingering on him for a minute before looking for whatever it is he came up here for. 

It takes him a second to find the words, but he’s glad he does. “Jimin-ah, thank you,” he starts quietly. 

“Always, hyung,” Jimin replies with a slightly nervous smile. 

“I’ve been having a hard time figuring out what I want,” Hoseok continues, flashing his best friend a small smile in return. “Obviously the wedding brings up some things I’m not sure how to feel about, but… in general, I don’t know what I want anymore. Dating feels like a waste of time. I don’t think I have it in me to love anyone again the way I loved Yoongi.” 

Jimin pauses his search and looks at him heavily, pursing his lips like he’s nervous to say something. Hoseok lets the lull of silence after his words linger, and he sees Jimin pick up on his unspoken invitation. “That’s because you don’t,” Jimin says quietly. “Whoever you love next, it’ll be different. That doesn’t mean it won’t be something better, though.” 

“You’re probably right… I’m just-- I’m tired of trying. I know it hasn’t been that long, but I’m tired of getting my hopes up. I’m tired of waiting for something I don’t feel like can even happen. Yoongi was right when he said that having kids is one of my dreams. I haven’t… told you this… but I’ve been thinking about moving to the US. There, I can adopt as a single parent. I can have at least one of the things I’ve always wanted, and… maybe it would make all of this hurt feel worth it, somehow. If I can’t have love, I can at least have a family of my own, you know?” he asks, voice strained. “Relationships come and go, but family always stays.” 

Jimin’s concern intensifies with every word, and he takes a seat next to Hoseok, grabbing his hands. “Hyung… I get it. I do. I think you’re giving up on finding love too soon, and I know that’s easy for me to say given why we’re here right now, but… if you want to do something that will make you happy, I’ll find a way to be okay with it. I wish you would have said something sooner, though,” he says softly. “Were you scared of how I’d react?” 

Hoseok can’t help the leaking of another tear and he sniffles slightly. “Yeah… I feel like the whole Yoongi thing broke my trust. I kind of thought you’d hate me for even thinking of it. I’m sorry. It’s stupid. I’m being stupid.” 

Jimin’s shoulder sag and he makes a strained sound, something akin to a whine before pulling him back into another hug. “That’s… I get it, but that’s so not true. I could never hate you. I’d miss you like hell, but never hate you. It’s not stupid to get overwhelmed by fears. How serious are you about this?” 

“Well, I wasn’t until today,” Hoseok replies, burying his nose into the crook of Jimin’s shoulder. “It was just a thought, an idea, one that kept coming back around every now and then. That call I got earlier? That was the captain I usually work with, Hyoseob. He was talking to a Delta pilot about a first officer position that… Jimin, it’s a really fucking good opportunity. It’s almost twice what I make now and it’s less hours.” 

With their bodies intertwined like this, Hoseok can feel the shock as it hits Jimin. The other man goes still, breath stuttering in his chest. One second later, those arms wrap tightly around his frame, as if he’s scared he’ll disappear in an instant. Hoseok tightens his arms back, heart pounding in his chest. His heart isn’t the only one beating fast, either. 

It feels like a long time before Jimin finally says something. “You should go for it.” 

Hoseok doesn’t know why, but hearing the encouragement kind of hurts. “Are you sure…? I’m not even sure where in the US I’d be based out of.” 

Jimin withdraws from the hug and nods, blinking his glassy eyes. “I want what’s best for you, but only you can decide what that is. If you want my objective opinion, I’ll give it to you.” 

“Please do,” Hoseok says back. Jimin (and Seokjin) have always been good at keeping things real for him. 

“Well… I know you aren’t happy right now. You’re clearly overworking yourself because you don’t know what else to do with your time and it probably distracts you enough. Dating is hard for you because you aren’t ready to open up, and that’s okay. Being around us is probably hard because we are close to both you and Yoongi, so you feel uncomfortable in a way you didn’t used to feel before. Moving to the US would give you a fresh start, a better work-life balance, better money, and if you focus your energy on adopting, that would be your new distraction from the hurt. It would be a hell of a journey, though, hyung. Being alone and that far from friends and family would be hard for us, but hardest on you. Being a single dad would probably be hard, too, and you wouldn’t have us as easily available to depend on. But if anyone can do it? It’d be you. You’re the most hardworking and passionate person I know. Those traits can take you far.” 

Hoseok mulls over Jimin’s words in his head, nodding absently as he processes them. It stings a little just how easily he’s read, but honestly? Jimin has known him the longest out of anyone. It would be surprising if he couldn’t read Hoseok like the back of his hand. Everything he’s observed is true: Hoseok is overworking himself to keep busy and avoid his friends because he’s uncomfortable reconciling all the relationships after the ending of his and Yoongi’s. 

“Do you want my biased opinion?” Jimin asks quietly, gaze drooping down to their joined hands. 

“Yes,” Hoseok mutters, nervous to hear it but wanting it anyway. 

“I want you to stay. A fresh start doesn’t erase the hurt. Moving away from your friends when things get difficult… might cause you to lose some of them. You wouldn’t lose me, but… I know Seokjin’s worried about you. He says he’s been trying to invite you out for drinks for months and hasn’t gotten anywhere. Taehyung is protective over you but always feels like he has to walk on eggshells around you. Yoongi… not that you probably want to hear this… he really, really misses you. He told me that you agreed to be friends, but you never responded to his attempts. You’ve skipped every game night for four months now. Namjoon has been wanting to see you again for months, and now he’s excited to get to know you to whatever degree you’re comfortable with. He really, genuinely likes you-- that’s not coming from me just trying to set you up with him. You seem really at ease around him, which is more than I can say for the rest of us right now, and maybe that isn’t something to… y’know, dismiss.” 

If Hoseok thought it stung before hearing Jimin’s objective opinion, this one hurts much, much more to hear out loud for dozens of reasons. Part of him wants to get defensive and snap, tell Jimin all of the reasons why he’s avoided everyone… but he already knows. Hoseok swallows a lump in his throat and drops his gaze from Jimin’s frame. 

Hoseok didn’t realize just how absent he’s been from their friend group until this trip, and the guilt is way more staggering than he feels ready to deal with. They’ve clearly talked about this when he wasn’t around… and it makes a wave of anxiety wash over him all over again. He can’t seem to let go of any of his nerves, especially if he lets himself think about Yoongi missing him. 

“You… make some good points,” Hoseok manages, eventually. “I’m sorry, I’m being such a shitty fr--” 

“No, you’re not being a shitty friend and you don’t need to be sorry,” Jimin interrupts rather firmly. “You’re hurting, hyung. Nobody is going to begrudge you over that. We get it. I’m not trying to shit on you or make you feel guilty-- we all know that you need time. We’re okay with giving you as much as you need. I’m just trying to point out that if you leave things like this, that might be something that changes things permanently. I could be wrong. It could be easier for you to feel comfortable with us again in the US. I don’t know. I shouldn’t get all pessimistic about it.” 

Hoseok nods absently back to his best friend. Despite feeling hurt and somewhat raw from being a complete open book, he’s grateful to Jimin for telling him everything on his mind. Hoseok isn’t sure how much he agrees with him… but hearing his thoughts on things does give him a different perspective he hasn’t considered. 

“Did I… upset you?” Jimin asks, wincing slightly. “I meant to comfort you, and somehow this became about me and how I view things…” 

“It’s okay,” Hoseok replies, rubbing his now-dry eyes. “I get it. I wanted your opinions, even if it’s hard to hear. I am upset, a little, but I feel better having gotten something off my chest. Do you… really think I’d lose everyone else for moving?” The idea makes his heart twist painfully in his chest. 

Jimin’s lips purse again before he replies. “I’m not completely sure. You’d definitely keep me. I’m sure you’d keep Taehyung, too, even if he’d take a while to come around. Namjoon seems like he’d put in the extra effort. I think Yoongi… would take it pretty hard… and Seokjin, I definitely don’t know. He’s hardest to read. He could go either way. I think the rest of our friends would be fine.” 

It’s hard to accept that Hoseok agrees with everything Jimin just said. 

“I also really meant what I said earlier… you’re hardworking and passionate. That much money isn’t easy to ignore, neither is the chance to adopt. I can’t make the decision for you, just… give you some things to think about,” Jimin adds, giving Hoseok’s hand a squeeze. “I’ll support you no matter what, and I’m sure nothing is as black and white as I made it seem earlier. Our friends want what’s best for you, too, and they’d probably understand it if you move.” 

“Thanks, Jimin-ah,” Hoseok whispers, giving his hand a squeeze back. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.” 

“Stop apologizing, hyung,” Jimin says with a shake of his head. “We’re all a mess sometimes. I’m glad you talked to me about this. It’s always easier to talk to someone else about life-changing opportunities.” 

Hoseok nods his head, gratitude washing over him for his best friend. Jimin has always been his number one confidant. “I’m glad you gave me a good opportunity to open up,” he replies, voice quiet. 

“I know you don’t enjoy serious conversations as a group.” Jimin’s eyes are soft. “Can you promise me that you’ll let me know if anything is bothering you?” The blonde lets go of his hand and holds out his pinky, flashing an expectant look on his face. 

Despite the heavy atmosphere lingering over him, Hoseok manages a small chuckle. Sometimes Jimin makes him feel like a kid again. It’s a bit silly, but it also makes him feel ten pounds lighter. He nods as he wraps his pinky with Jimin’s. “Promise.” 

Jimin beams at him brightly. “I’m holding you to it. Now are you ready to help us make hopefully halfway decent floral arrangements?” 

He scoffs playfully back. “I’m sure we can surpass ‘halfway-decent.’ That’s such a low bar. Have a little faith in us!” 

The two of them share a laugh as Jimin smoothly lets go of his pinky and takes his hand instead, pulling him to standing. 

Notes:

Et voilà! What did you think about the breakup and Hoseok's opportunity? I've said it before and I'll say it again: trying to find the right balance of angst is tricky in this one. I almost picked a wayyyyy more angsty plot for this chapter and decided it was too much for this fic. This at least has the potential to be a good change for Hoseok. ; )

Thank you for reading!! Let me know what you think in the comments below-- I cherish everything you have to say!! ♡♡♡

Chapter 4: Four: Tell Me, Why Not?

Summary:

Talking with Jimin helped relieve some of the dread and tension Hoseok has for the day. Spending time with his friends making flower arrangements is a mellow way to pass the time. Eventually the next wave of arrivals come, including Seokjin, Yoongi, and Yoongi's plus one, Jungkook. All things considered, things go significantly better than Hoseok expects with everyone.

Notes:

Sooooo... originally the last chapter and this chapter were supposed to be combined! But I am determined to keep my word count to a more realistic length with this one, so I split it in two.

Do your characters ever just... go crazy? And you're sitting there, writing, wondering if this is really what you should be indulging in? I wondered that so often while writing this chapter, let me tell you. Normally I am rather detailed in my plot outlines and planning with fics, but this one, I'm kind of winging it. I like seeing where my characters go when I give myself the creative freedom to allow them to do random things. This chapter was such a fun one to write!

Anyway, please enjoy. 💜

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Chapter Four: Tell Me, Why Not? (Waste It On Me, Steve Aoki ft. BTS) 

After that moment with Jimin, Hoseok feels lighter inside. He’s still dreading seeing Yoongi later, but the excitement to see Seokjin builds due to his enthusiasm to make amends. One thing Jimin is undoubtedly right about is that everyone is worried about him in their own way, and Hoseok can reach out to fix that. It’s not their fault that Hoseok is hurting, and it’s not fair to keep pushing them away, even if Jimin insists they all know he needs time. If Hoseok does end up getting the job and moving, he wants all of them to be on better terms by the time that happens. Maybe even between him and Yoongi, too, though he has no fucking clue how to make that happen. 

Despite his thoughts swimming, he manages to be far more relaxed and himself as they get to work on the centerpieces. They follow the flower arrangement guides that Jimin and Hoseok retrieved from the suite with rather surprising ease. 

Namjoon especially picks it up quickly. Somehow, he looks like he belongs here perfectly: surrounded by greens and flowers, wearing an apron of all things. When he’s not dropping the scissors or the ribbon, he looks completely in his element, adorably focused on cutting things just right, placing it just right. 

He’s on his third arrangement while Hoseok is still on his second one. 

“You’re good at this,” Hoseok remarks, unable to help himself. 

Namjoon’s dimples poke out with his smile at Hoseok’s praise. “I love plants, I have some at home.” 

“Ah, so you’re a natural. What kinds do you have?” Hoseok asks, finding himself far more interested in watching Namjoon work than working himself. 

“If you get him started, he won’t stop,” Taehyung warns with a grin, and Jimin laughs softly. 

“They’re right, I do have the tendency to ramble. We’d be here all day if I listed each of them individually,” Namjoon replies, lips curled upwards in a relaxed smile. Everything about him looks content and warm, exuding an aura of peace. It’s so easy to imagine Namjoon’s apartment looking similar to this, only more personable and welcoming. Plants would be everywhere, hanging from the ceiling. 

“We do have time to kill, I’d love to hear about them,” Hoseok answers, reaching for the spool of ribbon on the table, leaning close to Jimin on his other side. 

“I don’t want to bore you,” Namjoon says with a small shrug. 

At this, Hoseok’s lips frown slightly. He never likes it when the people around him hold back their excitement or love for something. Enough things out there in the world erode joy. Hoseok likes to fight back against that wherever he can. 

Gently, he puts his hand over Namjoon’s on the table, effectively getting his attention, if the wide eyes and slightly parted lips are any indicator. Namjoon has no right to look that cute, which brings the smile back to Hoseok’s lips. “It wouldn’t bore me. You light up when you’re talking about something you like, which I happen to like seeing.” 

While Hoseok’s words are purely honest, he realizes with embarrassment that they fall under a somewhat flirty umbrella after the fact. He doesn’t take them back, nor does he pull his hand away, though his cheeks start to feel a little warmer than they should, given the strong air conditioning in the room. 

He can feel the weight of the gazes on him from Jimin and Taehyung, making the heat in his cheeks worse, but the words came out so naturally that it would be wrong to regret saying them. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he hears an echo of what Jimin said to him earlier. You seem really at ease around him, which is more than I can say for the rest of us right now, and maybe that isn’t something to… y’know, dismiss. 

How true that statement is hits him like a lightning bolt. It definitely doesn’t feel like something to dismiss when Namjoon looks at him with a slight awe, almost like he wants to kiss him, even with their audience. 

They are so close. When did they get so close? This is the second time Hoseok hasn’t noticed moving closer to Namjoon until he’s already close enough to smell his cologne and musk. His heart thuds louder behind his ears before he clears his throat and stands up straight. 

“That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has said about me recently,” Namjoon replies, turning his hand over to hold Hoseok’s for a moment, giving it a squeeze. 

Hoseok shouldn’t feel disappointed when Namjoon lets go and also pulls back, but he does. 

“I mean it!” Hoseok puts effort into sounding friendly. “Not enough people express their passions freely. Ignore these two.” He waves his hand dismissively towards the other two playfully. 

A chuckle comes from Namjoon as he nods, picking up another flower for the arrangement. “Okay, you have a point there…” Namjoon starts before listing off all of the various plants he has back home, how much sunlight they need, how he had to bribe his neighbor to water them while he’s away. The way his voice sounds is soothing and relaxing, but not in the kind of way that makes him sleepy. It makes Hoseok hang on his every word, letting the world around them melt away, absorbing his attention wholly. He ignores Jimin and Taehyung’s teasing comments that pop up now and then, giving them no mind. Eventually the conversation does go quiet, and Jimin puts on some music for background noise while they focus on getting the work done. 

It’s sometime in the mid-afternoon after making dozens of centerpieces that Hoseok overhears one side of a phone call from someone Taehyung calls “hyung.” This particular call isn’t easy to dismiss because it has a quality unlike all of his thoughts before: certainty. Now the clock is ticking, and it’s not just a worry of what will happen but the inevitability of when. And “when” must be really, really soon, given nobody can call until after landing. 

 While there are a lot of people Taehyung could be referring to, technically, the familiarity with which he talks to the other person definitely means that he’s addressing either Yoongi or Seokjin. 

That nagging feeling of dread makes Hoseok’s insides twist a little, but he doesn’t outwardly show it, snipping stems just like he was instructed. 

After hanging up, Taehyung leans close to Jimin, whispering in his ear. 

“Guys, you can keep working if you want. Jiminnie and I are going to greet the next wave of arrivals,” Taehyung says with a small smile. “Seokjin, Yoongi, his plus one, Jungkook, Taemin, Yeonjun, and Soobin just checked in. Feel free to join us anytime, but don’t forget about the dinner reservations at 6pm, alright?” 

Hoseok finds himself nodding, not quite able to make his voice work at the moment. 

It’s probably rather obvious… considering he’s been making sound effects almost this whole time, even during Namjoon’s recounting of his plants back at home. 

“Sounds good,” Namjoon replies. “We’re almost done with these, we might as well finish, right, Hoseok-ah?” 

“Right,” he manages, finding himself grateful for Namjoon for the millionth time. Hoseok is rather surprised to feel a natural smile crossing his lips, just looking at him. 

“See you later,” Jimin says with a wave of his hand. “Don’t do anything I would do!”

“See you,” Hoseok says back, exasperatedly shaking his head at Jimin’s teasing, not deeming it worthy of a verbal response. He’s secretly grateful for the excuse to be alone with Namjoon. His presence is the easiest to relax in. Around him, Hoseok feels like he’s more than his broken engagement, more like an actual person. 

“Thanks for the save,” Hoseok murmurs after the door clicks closed behind the other two. 

“Anytime,” Namjoon answers back. “Thanks for listening to me ramble about my plants. Not many people have the patience for that, you know.” 

“That was easy. I wasn’t lying when I said that not enough people talk about their passions freely.” He avoids mentioning the whole “light up” comment, unsure of what he would do now that they are alone. 

Hoseok knows himself too well. It would be so easy to give into this attraction between them. But Hoseok can’t let himself have this. Now is so not the time. He can’t trust himself or his judgement. Minji is a testament to that. How does he know his infatuation, his crush, on Namjoon is any different or have a different outcome in the end? She was a low risk. She didn’t matter to anyone else in his life, and he didn’t matter to anyone in hers. The only damage done was between them. But Namjoon? He’s someone important to both Jimin and Taehyung. If anything goes wrong, Hoseok will have fucked up the dynamics in their friend group again. 

Nevermind the whole “maybe moving to the US” thing. 

Funny how the universe works… the last time Hoseok saw Namjoon before this, he was the one leaving for the US. Now it might be Hoseok doing just that. 

He needs to tell him, even if it’s only an idea. 

“The way you view things is kind of magical to me.” Namjoon lightly brushes his pinky with Hoseok’s hand again. “What I wouldn’t give to have gotten closer to you sooner. I think you would have helped me find my confidence way sooner.” 

“I think you did a great job finding it anyway," Hoseok replies, unable to help himself from hooking his own pinky around Namjoon's. The butterflies feel terrifying and good all at once, making his heartbeat like a racehorse in his chest. For a moment, he wonders what it would be like to capture Namjoon's lips with his own. For all of Namjoon's muscles and thickness, he's the most soft-hearted and gentle person he's ever met. Would kissing him be like that, romantically slow and sensual, or would he kiss like his life depends on it, powerful and hungry? 

If Hoseok could indulge in the fantasy, he knows how he would kiss Namjoon right now. 

Instead, he swallows the lump forming in his throat and breaks the intense eye contact. 

If only Hoseok met him first, before his heart broke so devastatingly. 

"Maybe I did," Namjoon answers him with another heart-skipping smile. "You know, you light up when you talk about flying. I also happen to like seeing that." 

Hoseok's smile widens against his wishes and he has to make a conscious effort to close his lips. "I'm glad you see that part. Lately it seems like everyone is telling me to take a break, and they're right, don't get me wrong, but I do love what I do. I'm glad that shows." 

"Not everyone can say that they love their jobs." Namjoon's pinky slips from Hoseok's as he goes back to work on the arrangement in front of him. 

"I'm very lucky to say that I do. I feel successful whenever I fly-- it never seems to go away." His heart blooms with warmth and fondness as he remembers graduating from flight school, flying through the clouds for the first time after graduation. To this day, nothing is quite like it. Seeing the world from above is magical and reminds him daily of why he does what he does. 

"I can imagine," Namjoon says warmly back to him. 

A comfortable silence befalls them as they finish working, falling into a rhythm of taking turns with scissors. They both smell earthy and like the stems of the flowers, random spots on their aprons stained green from the plants and sometimes spotted with various colors from the flowers. Hoseok is just tying up the ribbon on his last arrangement when he hears Namjoon hiss and swear under his breath. His head whips over to him in alarm.

"Are you okay?" Hoseok asks. 

Bright red liquid runs over Namjoon's thumb. "Yeah, I just cut myself." 

Hoseok gingerly takes the man's hand without a thought. Basic first-aid is something inherently engrained in him from various years of training, both at the flight academy and his time in the military. "That doesn't look too deep, at least. Let's get your hand washed before that gets infected," he says. 

Namjoon looks a little embarrassed but nods anyway. "I guess my clumsiness had to show up around you eventually," he mutters. 

"Don't worry, I think it's part of your charm," Hoseok replies, leading him towards a sign that says bathroom, even though Namjoon is perfectly capable of washing his own hands. He realizes this, and then it's his turn to be embarrassed. He stops in front of the entrance, letting go of his hand, face feeling a little flushed. "I'll go see the front desk for a band-aid. I'll be right back." 

"Thanks," Namjoon says, dimpled cheeks showing themselves with his smile. 

How is it possible they smile so much around each other? It's ridiculous. Hoseok shakes his head at himself as he makes his way back to the lobby. He stands in line behind someone and doesn't notice when they step backwards, their luggage hitting him and causing him to stumble. 

Hoseok is surprised to hear the man swearing in Korean as he turns around and apologizes in heavily accented English. "So sorry," he says. "Are you okay?" The first thing Hoseok notices about him is that he is almost as built as Namjoon, and that he is definitely and undoubtedly Korean like him... also very handsome at that. He has wide, doe-like eyes, piercings in his ears, and longer hair than most men have, almost long enough to pull into a ponytail. He's overdressed for the Hawaiian weather, wearing a big black hoodie. He looks a little younger than Hoseok, but something about him is so familiar. 

"I'm okay!" Hoseok replies in Korean. 

He wonders if this is an acquaintance of Jimin and Taehyung's... until he remembers that the only people who arrived today are people he all knows... except one. Jeon Jungkook.

As soon as he remembers the name of Yoongi's plus one, he thinks... this man has to be him. The name didn't sound familiar to him before, but Hoseok is good with faces, and this one is familiar. 

Recognition hits him like a bullet and his mouth goes dry. This is one of the people Hoseok met briefly at the holiday party at Yoongi's work before their breakup. Back then, Jungkook was probably not so built and definitely didn't have an eyebrow piercing, but Hoseok is positive this is him. 

"I'm glad, I'm sorry again, I didn't know anyone was behind me," the man replies back, clearly happy and much more comfortable being able to communicate in his native Korean tongue. He doesn't seem to recognize Hoseok, though, so... he doesn't remember him. That's probably for the best. 

Hoseok can feel his heart squeezing uncomfortably in his chest as a weird, misplaced spike of jealousy builds in him. So what if Jungkook is literally everything Hoseok isn't? 

This explains how Yoongi moved on so fast… Jungkook isn’t a stranger to him. They work together… 

His heart plunges as he wonders when they started seeing each other and he promptly thinks of anything else before he spirals. 

It doesn’t matter anyway. Even though Hoseok’s heart was broken, he can’t find it in himself to hate Yoongi. He deserves to be happy. Just being faced with the man who now means… something… to his ex-fiance is overwhelming to say the least. 

"It's okay, I'm not hurt," Hoseok says back, voice tense. He is not ready for this kind of interaction in the slightest. "If you'll excuse me..." 

"Oh! Yeah, of course," the other man replies, stepping aside before heading towards the elevators. 

Hoseok's interaction with the front desk is short and sweet. They hand him a few band-aids and the whole time Hoseok wonders why Jungkook would be at the front desk with his luggage if he and Yoongi already checked-in earlier. It bugs him, but it's stupid to dwell on it and he knows it. He tries to shake off the whole interaction before he returns to Namjoon. There’s too much on his mind already, and he’ll go crazy if he dwells on things he can’t change. 

"Hey! Sorry it took a minute, the front desk was busy," Hoseok says with a more convincingly neutral voice than he expected from himself. 

"No problem, thank you for grabbing these," Namjoon says warmly. "Guess I can add 'nurse' to the list of titles you won't let me call you." 

A bubble of laughter rises up Hoseok's throat as he opens up one of the band-aids, peeling the layers back to wrap it around Namjoon's thumb. "Only a day or so into reconnecting and you already seem to know me well," Hoseok comments, cheeks dusting a shade of pink. 

"I do have you wrapped around my finger-- well in this case, thumb," Namjoon teases, making Hoseok flush as he realizes-- he's literally right. Hoseok's hand is still holding onto Namjoon's. His hand is larger than Hoseok's and his skin is more calloused, attractive in a distinctly masculine kind of way. Namjoon seems to take his tongue-tied-ness as an unwelcome reaction to his flirting. "I'm sorry, I keep forgetting that you want to keep this just friendly between us." 

Hoseok chuckles nervously. "It's okay, I keep forgetting it, too." Part of him wants to spill everything-- all of the messy thoughts, the possibility of moving to the states, his lack of belief in love-- but another part of him wants to hide to protect himself. Namjoon does have Hoseok wrapped around his thumb, and opening up to him might entice him to take risks he isn’t sure he should.  Maybe he isn't fully ready for that, but he does take Jimin's advice seriously. He doesn’t have to dive into everything weighing on him before he’s ready, but opening up a little… can lay the groundwork for telling him bigger things. 

Hoseok is serious about wanting Namjoon’s friendship, at least. 

"Namjoon, I... I'm scared of putting myself out there," Hoseok whispers. "I like you a lot. There's natural chemistry between us that I think we both keep giving into... but I'm not sure if dating or love is anything more than a waste of time. You're important to people who are important to me. I don't mean to get your hopes up or lead you on. I'm not really relationship material-" 

At that, Namjoon's eyes flare slightly. "Who told you that?" 

"Uh... just some flings, after Yoongi..." Hoseok replies, shifting uncomfortably. 

"They're wrong," Namjoon says, expression softening. "They shouldn't have said that to you. I respect everything you feel and maybe I can't change it, but... I think you should have some confidence in yourself." 

This isn't exactly how Hoseok expected this conversation to go, but it's comforting in a strange way, though a part of him feels the need to defend the statement. "Well, you know my hours. Inevitably, whoever I date will end up feeling lonely at the wrong time and I can't just teleport to be there. I don't blame anyone for thinking I'm not the partner they're looking for. It just... sucks." 

A thoughtful expression crosses Namjoon's features. "I think that's a better way of phrasing it... not everyone can handle being alone like that. But that doesn't mean you aren't relationship material as a whole, you know. Everyone looks for something different in relationships. I think the people who told you that just aren't a good fit, and it takes time to find it. It's okay that if you ever date again, you would need someone who can be independent and spend a lot of their time alone. Maybe sometimes a partner of yours will feel lonely, but it's up to them to communicate that to you, not villainize you for bad timing." 

The words make Hoseok's eyes water slightly, and it's overwhelming just how validating they are to hear from someone who doesn't know anything that detailed about his and Yoongi's breakup. If Yoongi communicated his feelings to Hoseok sooner, who knows how things could have been between them. Even if they still ended, it might not have been so blinding to Hoseok. If Namjoon's voicing this now... maybe he's someone who could rise up to the challenge of dating Hoseok. That thought stirs something deeper in his heart that he wants to deny. 

"Communication is important," Hoseok whispers. "If my partner was struggling with loneliness, or anything, really, I would want to know. I could shift my schedule or take time off, and I would in a heartbeat." 

Namjoon noticeably brightens at the words. "See? That's why I think you are relationship material to me. Don't sell yourself short, or I might just have to list all of the reasons I think you're amazing." 

The blush never left Hoseok, even with the tense conversation, but it definitely darkens at the complimentary words. For a moment, he just stares at Namjoon, taking in all of the details of his face. Somehow they're close again, faces only inches apart. Up close like this, Hoseok can see the tiny, barely visible moles on his cheeks, the texture of his lips... each of the long lashes on his cheeks as he blinks. His eyebrows are slightly asymmetrical, but stunning nonetheless. 

It's dangerous, so dangerous, yet... Hoseok can't stop himself from asking, "Why... do you like me so much?" 

He means it. He doesn’t understand what Namjoon sees in him. All Hoseok feels like is a workaholic who’s damaged goods. 

At the question, Namjoon pauses, deliberating with himself before he makes a decision and flashes him a sultry smile. Hoseok's heart beats so hard he might combust. Namjoon brings Hoseok's hand to his lips, giving it a kiss, not breaking eye contact with him the whole time. The look in his eyes is smouldering, making Hoseok's insides churn with butterflies. 

"I have so many reasons to pick from... hmm... where to start? I could pick the way you talk about work and how it shows how passionate you are... I could choose your wit and flirty comebacks to my teasing... or I could pick the way you always put on a smile for others no matter what you’re going through and how that shows how much you care... or I could talk about the way you literally brighten a room when you walk in... I could pick how you encouraged me to talk about something I love when nobody else cares, or..." his words trail off, and Namjoon lets go of his hand in favor of cupping Hoseok’s chin. 

The warmth of slightly calloused fingertips on such a sensitive spot sends a slight shudder through Hoseok. He watches Namjoon with rapt attention and bated breath. Namjoon's other hand connects with Hoseok's hip, drawing him closer until their bodies are flushed together. The hand on Hoseok's chin guides him to turn his head, and Namjoon leans in to whisper into his ear, so close that the breath tickles him. "I could also pick how gorgeous you are or the fact that I haven't been able to stop thinking about how your waist felt in my arms when I caught you in the plane." To emphasize his words, his grip tightens on Hoseok's hip before wrapping around him completely. 

Hoseok leans into the touch, biting his lip. Want begins to bubble up inside him, and he allows himself to reciprocate the touches, bringing a hand to Namjoon's firm abs. His palm can feel the solid muscle, even through the clothing. Everything about him is so big. Hoseok is dwarfed by Namjoon's girth, secretly thrilled by it. 

"Does that answer your question?" Namjoon asks, moving his hand to guide Hoseok back to looking at him. 

The eye contact is striking, making Hoseok's breath stutter. Both of their faces are flushed, and they're so close, all it would take is a small tilt of his face, and they can kiss--

The sound of the door opening makes Hoseok startle and they both subconsciously break apart. 

"Am I interrupting something?" Seokjin's voice projects. 

Hoseok's cheeks feel like they're on fire. 

"No," Namjoon says, stepping away from Hoseok and turning towards the door. 

He sounds a lot more convincing than Hoseok would, and a strange part of him hurts a tiny bit that Namjoon said no. He probably did that for Hoseok's sake, but... yes, there was something interrupted. That doesn't dull the excitement Hoseok feels at seeing Seokjin again, though, and with the space between him and Namjoon, clarity settles in a little, which... isn't exactly a bad thing. 

"Hyung!" Hoseok exclaims happily, a bit belatedly. "It's good to see you." 

Seokjin beams a radiant smile his way and Hoseok makes a beeline over to give him a hug. 

"Good to see you, too," he says as they pull apart. He turns his attention to Namjoon and gives him a hug, too. "And you! Though I saw you just last week." 

Namjoon snorts a laugh and returns the hug. "You know I love your company, hyung." 

Hearing that makes Hoseok inexplicably happy. Namjoon really is part of their friend group. It's strange, since Hoseok wasn't around to witness this happening, and yet... It's comforting in a way, too. It also is equally nerve-racking because screwing up with Namjoon would mean another mess in their friend group, but to have someone so seamlessly mesh with people he loves is alluring. 

“So I hear you two have been stuck on plant duty…” Seokjin quips. “Need any help?” 

“Actually we finished the last one,” Hoseok says back with a grin. 

“Wanna see?” Namjoon picks up one of the centerpieces excitedly, readily showing it off. The arrangement consists of pinks and oranges, subtle touches of yellow. Namjoon starts talking about how the main flowers are native to Hawaii, while the small ones are not native but can be grown here. 

Hoseok fondly listens while Seokjin kind of spaces out.

“Your inner professor is showing a little too hard,” Seokjin points out. “I didn’t sign up for a lecture.” 

Namjoon looks slightly sheepish at the teasing and his entire expression is endearing to Hoseok. A flirty comment rests at the tip of his tongue, but it’s easier to refrain from voicing it around Seokjin. “Oh please, hyung. He’s way more interesting to listen to than any of the professors we had. Stop bullying him,” Hoseok says instead. 

Seokjin huffs in offense and slaps Hoseok’s shoulder. “Yah! Bullying him is my job. Don’t take it away from me.” 

“Nope. If I’m getting the ‘no working on vacation’ spiel, so are you,” Hoseok giggles at Seokjin’s overdramatic grimace.

Namjoon gives Hoseok a toothy grin. “Finally someone’s got my back.”  

“Not even five minutes into seeing me for the first time in months and I’m already getting sass,” Seokjin playfully chides. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve been getting it, too,” Hoseok replies. “Everyone’s taken the chance to tell me how busy I’ve been.”

“I’ll bet,” Seokjin says with a grin. “Yah, Hoseok-ah,” Seokjin says in a whiny voice, suggesting a topic change. 

“What?” he replies, a raised brow. 

“You’ve been too busy,” he replies, unable to keep a straight face while he speaks. 

Hoseok’s whole body shakes with laughter and he fondly rolls his eyes, shoving the other man away playfully. “Shut up, hyung.” 

“You know you love me,” Seokjin teases with a grin. “Anyway, I came with an ulterior motive. Namjoon, do you mind if I steal your date for a while? I promise to return him unharmed at dinner.” 

Hoseok chokes on air at the sentence, completely caught off guard by it. Is Seokjin in on the whole “setting them up” thing, too? Or did he just pick that up based on the scene he walked into? 

Not only Hoseok is affected by Seokjin’s teasing words. Namjoon looks a little flustered and a touch exasperated, almost like he expected this. 

“The choice is his,” Namjoon manages to say. 

Hoseok is perhaps a little too pleased that it isn’t a denial… but he sobers slightly when he reminds himself that he isn’t Namjoon’s date for anything. Getting caught up in physical attraction isn’t the same thing as wanting to date someone. 

“I’m glad at least someone treats me with autonomy,” Hoseok replies, watching Seokjin’s eyes squeeze tight as he lets loose his laughter. 

“Okay, okay. You win. Do you care if I steal you away from your date for a bit?” Seokjin asks, a slight tilt of his head. 

Hoseok’s eye roll for dramatic effect but he doesn’t actually mind. Seeing him is something he has been looking forward to all morning, albeit cautiously. 

“I’m holding you to the ‘unharmed by dinner’ bit, but you can steal me for now,” Hoseok replies with a grin. He wouldn’t be able to explain why he withholds a denial of being Namjoon’s date back, even though they definitely aren’t. “I’ll see you later, Namjoon-ah.” He adds a little wave of his hand to Namjoon before letting Seokjin link their arms and lead him away, grinning the whole time.

Immediately after the door clicks closed behind them, Seokjin turns to Hoseok with a very pointed look. “What did I just witness?” he asks, tone much more playful and almost… teasing than Hoseok expected. 

He definitely expected scrutiny. 

He really needs to stop being so edgy around his friends. This is proof he’s been too deep in his own head about things lately. Seokjin is one of his best friends, not some stranger who’s quick to judge him without knowing him. 

“I’m not really sure,” Hoseok answers sheepishly. His cheeks never really lost the warmth blooming in them. 

“It looked like you two were seconds away from making out. Last I checked, you haven’t seen Namjoon since he left for the US, now you two look like horny teenagers. What did I miss?” 

The number one person good at embarrassing Hoseok is Seokjin, and that fact is painfully obvious at the moment. He feels flustered and chuckles nervously. “We just… I don’t know…” 

“Use your big boy words,” Seokjin teases harder. 

“Shut up,” Hoseok says, playfully shoving him for the second time today. “Look, it’s a weird kind of natural chemistry. I don’t really want a relationship, and I’ve told him that, but we keep accidentally getting closer.” 

“There was nothing accidental about what I just saw, Hoseok-ah.” The other man laughs softly, shaking his head. “Be straight with me: do you like him?” 

Hoseok’s heart hammers in his chest harder than a jackhammer on concrete. He could try to lie, but Seokjin has always been able to see through him. He could be honest, but he’s too sober for brutal honesty. Settling on something true enough will have to do for now. “I don’t want to like him like that,” he says. 

“Why?” Seokjin asks. 

“It’s just complicated. I’m still processing things. Relationships just… aren’t for me,” Hoseok answers, not fully convinced in Namjoon’s sweet words to him earlier. It’s hard to let go of the notion that something is wrong with him from one conversation after feeling like this for almost a year. Namjoon would be better off avoiding Hoseok like the plague. 

Seokjin’s gaze looks quizzical for a second, like he isn’t sure what to make of Hoseok’s response. It’s not always easy to catch him off guard, and Hoseok feels nervous anticipating what he’s going to say. “I think that’s the heartbreak talking, Hoseok-ah,” Seokjin says quietly. “But it’s okay if that’s how you feel. You know I like to keep to the bachelor life. There’s nothing wrong with it.” 

“Why is that, hyung?” Hoseok asks, relief trickling through him. 

“Personal preference. I don’t have a grand story about heartbreak or anything. Maybe I just haven’t found the right person. I feel content enough on my own and dating seems tedious if I don’t really have that urge to settle down. I can usually tell if I like someone within five minutes of talking to them, but I haven’t experienced much chemistry that wasn’t platonic or physical,” Seokjin replies with a shrug. 

“Do you ever get lonely?” Hoseok can’t help but wonder. 

“Sometimes, sure. But usually a bar isn’t far away, which means a one-night stand isn’t far away, either,” Seokjin replies. “And our friends keep me pretty happy platonically, so what am I really lacking?” 

Hoseok never considered Seokjin would view anything like that. “Are you… aromantic?” 

“I don’t think I would use that label for myself. I think for me, I haven’t really felt a spark yet, but it doesn’t mean I won’t. I do want a serious, committed relationship someday, but the day to make that a reality hasn’t come. I only want to put the energy into dating if I’m dedicated to who I’m interested in, so I date way less than anyone else.” 

“I’m jealous of that,” Hoseok whispers. “You really seem to know what you want. I don’t have a fucking clue what I want anymore.” 

Seokjin chuckles softly. “I’m jealous of you, too, a little. It takes bravery putting yourself out there and taking risks. Anyway, it’s about time we get those drinks, don’t you think?” 

An amused smile crosses Hoseok’s lips, and he feels some of his tension melt away. “Yeah, I think so.” 

They make their way to one of the hotel’s bars, and Seokjin doesn’t press Hoseok to talk about himself anymore. Their conversation drifts to less intense topics, like their work schedules and generally catching up with things they haven’t brought up in their texts. It seems Hoseok isn’t the only one pulling longer hours lately-- Seokjin’s been busy recently with an upcoming video game release, one with a huge hype surrounding it that even Hoseok has heard the buzz. Seokjin is rather good at keeping confidentiality with the games he works on, but he always tells Hoseok the most obscure details about the games to tease him. Things only ever make sense after the game is released. Tonight is no different. It feels good to have a sense of normalcy. 

The couple of hours until dinner passes by with Seokjin’s easy company. Hoseok feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest, finally spending time with his friend. The guilt eases, too, because aside from the little teasing remarks earlier, Seokjin doesn’t seem to hold Hoseok’s absenteeism against him. They pick up right where they left off like no time passed. Hoseok feels silly that he worried about spending time with him, and he is so caught up in how good it is to catch up that he forgets to be nervous for the next part of the night. 

The nerves hit him hard and fast after they pay the bill for the bottle of wine they shared, though, because that’s when it sinks in that he’s about to see Yoongi again. 

“You’ll be okay,” Seokjin reassures, giving Hoseok’s arm a squeeze after they stand up and make their way inside to the resort’s indoor restaurant. 

Hoseok is too anxious to speak, so he nods. 

Eventually, they arrive at a host stand and Hoseok talks to the hostess in English, albeit very bluntly, lacking the eloquence he usually has. She brings them to their table, and Hoseok isn’t sure if he’s relieved or not that they’re the first two there. 

Seokjin side eyes him but says nothing about his behavior. Hoseok intently stares at the menu in front of him, using it similarly to how one would use a shield, only it’s not tall enough to block his peripherals, and movement catches his eye. He looks up on instinct and is instantly gutted. 

Hoseok’s heart clenches at seeing Yoongi for the first time in ten or eleven months. His hair is long, like he hasn’t cut it since the last time he did while still dating Hoseok. He looks good, healthy. He’s wearing all black, like usual, only his long sleeve covered hand disappears into another person’s hand, which isn’t usual. 

Standing next to him is none other than the man Hoseok ran into in the lobby earlier. 

“Oh! It’s you,” the other man comments, lighting up with enthusiasm. “I’m sorry again for earlier, I didn’t hurt you, did I?” 

Hoseok feels the weight of the eyes on him and tries his best to ignore it and be his usual, friendly, conversational self. “I’m okay! Don’t worry about it,” he says. “You’re Jeon Jungkook, right? It’s nice to meet you!” 

“Yes! That’s me. I’m glad you aren’t hurt. What's your name?” Jungkook asks, seemingly oblivious to the palpable tension in the room. 

“I’m Jung Hoseok,” he says, cursing himself for his timid tone. “I’m Jimin’s best man.” 

Jungkook’s eyes widen slightly in surprise, and his lips form a little ‘o’ shape . Jungkook definitely recognizes his name, and his sudden pause is enough to be awkward. Yoongi’s gaze is downcast, presumably at his hand holding Jungkook’s. 

Uh oh. 

Hoseok wonders what Yoongi said about him to cause such a reaction, internally cringing. Even without any embellishment, the title “ex-fiance” is probably enough, though. 

Thankfully Seokjin intervenes while those two take a seat, thankfully not right across from Hoseok and not right next to him, either. “Yoongichi introduced us before boarding. I officially have the privilege of meeting him first, even before the grooms. They’re never going to hear the end of it.” It's good that he doesn't question him or Jungkook about earlier... 

Hoseok laughs to dispel some of the tension and forces his lips to make a smile. He can’t think of anything to contribute to the conversation. 

“Hyung, I told you to not make a big deal out of it,” Yoongi says, using his somewhat whiny tone that he only ever uses on him and Seokjin. Or rather, used. Hoseok hasn’t heard his voice in so long and when he heard it last, he definitely didn’t use that kind of playful tone. It was all grim and serious. 

Hoseok tries not to feel hurt at the lack of greeting towards him. It’s not like he greeted Yoongi, either. 

He takes a drink of water, hoping to quell all of the nerves inside his chest. 

“You can tell me things all you want, but you can’t make me do anything,” Seokjin retorts. 

“It’s okay, I think it’s kind of fun. I feel like a celebrity,” Jungkook says with a laugh. 

Hoseok returns his gaze to the menu, completely unsure of what to do with himself. He can’t ignore Yoongi’s presence, and he wants to say something to acknowledge him, but everything he thinks of to say sounds too stilted, too awkward. Yoongi doesn’t seem to know what to say, either. 

“We’re just surprised that Yoongi knows someone who isn’t us,” Seokjin remarks. 

“Stop it,” Yoongi pouts. “Stop embarrassing me or I will leave this table.” He crosses his arms, acting… so normal. 

Hoseok feels kind of pathetic, completely incapable of acting like himself. His eyes feel prickly, but he refuses to tear up. 

“Nope, nobody is allowed to leave until after we eat,” a familiar voice says. 

Relief washes over Hoseok hearing Jimin’s voice. 

Taehyung slides into the seat next to Yoongi and greets Hoseok, “Glad you didn’t keep up your late streak, hyung.” 

He chuckles softly and gives a slight shake of his head, grateful for an easy in to join the conversation. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?” 

“Nope!” Taehyung replies with a grin. 

“Wait! Hoseok was late?” Seokjin gasps, acting silly and over the top to get laughs from the others at the table. “I’ll bet $20 US dollars it never happened.” 

“Be prepared to lose that bet,” Jimin says. “I can attest-- Hoseok was the last to show up to both drinks last night and breakfast this morning.” 

“You don’t count, you’ll go with whatever your husband-to-be says,” Seokjin laughs. “We need Namjoon. He’s the best neutral party, I think. Maybe. It gets more debatable every second.” 

Hoseok feels the heat in his face start to return, but at the mere mention of his name, Hoseok finds himself relaxing a little. A more natural smile pulls at the corners of his lips, and he scans the incoming people for a tall, broad frame. His smile widens as he sees exactly who he was looking for before he says to the group, “Looks like you’re in luck, he’s almost here.” From across the room, Hoseok catches his gaze, waving slightly, and finds just their eye contact alone to be butterfly inducing. 

“Hey,” Namjoon greets, breaking eye contact with Hoseok to look over the table for only a second before looking back to him. It’s flattering how it almost seems like nobody else is in the room when Namjoon looks at him. 

“Hey,” Hoseok replies, warmth blooming in his chest as Namjoon chooses to take the seat next to him. 

Namjoon's gaze passes over the table once more, slightly confused. “Okay, why is everyone staring at me? Do I have something on my face?” the professor asks with a slight tilt of his head. 

Hoseok chuckles at Namjoon’s question, amused as he waits for someone else to answer. 

“There’s no way Hoseok was late twice,” Seokjin says, shaking his head adamantly. “That goes against his nature.” 

“He was,” Jimin insists. “Tell them, Namjoon!” 

“Hoseok showed up to drinks last night a whole half hour after you, hyung, and he was fifteen minutes late to breakfast this morning,” Taehyung states confidently. 

“Being late and last to arrive are two different things,” Namjoon replies with a grin. “We didn’t set a time to meet for drinks, so I wouldn’t say he was late to them. He was late to breakfast, though.” 

“Ha! I was right then,” Seokjin cheers. 

“Barely! Semantics…” Jimin mutters with a shake of his head. 

Meanwhile Hoseok is amused at the exchange and pleased with Namjoon’s response. Somehow this topic doesn’t bother him in the slightest, even though he thinks he would ordinarily feel moderately embarrassed. 

Anything is better than awkward silence like before. 

“Wait! Seokjin-hyung, you bet that it never happened. He was late once,” Taehyung answers smugly. “Pay up!” 

“Hoseok-ah, how can you fail me like this?” Seokjin whines. 

With a shake of his head, he answers, “You set yourself up for failure. I’m only human!” 

“Pfft, could’ve fooled me,” Seokjin says, scrunching his expression up in defeat. Heavily he sighs as he slaps a bill in Taehyung’s open hand. 

“Are they always like this?” Jungkook asks Yoongi softly with an amused giggle. 

“Pretty much,” Yoongi deadpans, though there’s a hint of a smile on his face. 

“Oh fuck! You must be Jeon Jungkook. I’m Park Jimin, one of the grooms,” Jimin beams brightly. “It’s nice to put a face to the name. This is Taehyung, my fiancé.” 

“It’s nice to finally put faces to the names for me, too. Yoongi talks a lot about you both,” Jungkook says excitedly. 

Jungkook seems like a little ball of sunshine, all smiles and cheer, and Hoseok can feel his eyes water slightly because… he reminds Hoseok a little of himself when he was younger, long before the heartbreak. Hoseok misses his old self just as much as he misses Yoongi, and the bittersweet nostalgia pricks at his heart. Listening to Jungkook talk a little bit more about himself only reaffirms the thought. Hoseok was right, he does work at the same architectural firm that Yoongi works for. As it turns out, Jungkook is familiar with Namjoon's self published book, Mono. The two of them talk animatedly for a little while, and Jungkook's enthusiasm is endearing, even to Hoseok, who... by all accounts, has the most reason to dislike him. 

After everyone else arrives and orders, the introductions cycle back around for Jungkook. Taemin used to be in the same dance crew as Jimin and Hoseok, back in their university days, and now he works as a choreographer for an entertainment company. Yeonjun met Jimin through Hoseok first, since Hoseok was his commanding officer in the military. Soobin is his boyfriend of six years, and the two of them are just now finishing their degrees, since they went into the military young. 

Hoseok finds himself mechanically smiling and contributing to the stories, operating on autopilot, knowing that the best way to avoid attention is by acting as normal as he possibly can. It’s much easier in a larger group setting, since there’s no reason for him to talk to Yoongi directly, and a lot of the stories they’re reminiscing don’t have much to do with Hoseok’s past relationship. The whole time, Namjoon keeps his gaze fixed on him, a slight worry in his eyes that’s both endearing and nerve-inducing. It's baffling that Namjoon can so easily read him, but touching, too. Hoseok tries to ease any worries Namjoon has by sharing shy glances and brief, causal little touches between them as he speaks to the group, doing his best to act like his normal self. 

Yoongi remains quiet, as always, only occasionally whispering into Jungkook’s ear. 

When the topic of conversation shifts, and Hoseok’s input isn’t necessary anymore, he still finds it rather difficult to eat, and now he doesn't have the excuse of talking preventing him from eating. Namjoon rests his palm on Hoseok’s knee and leans over, whispering into his ear, “My social meter is dropping. Do you want to leave with me?”

The question makes his lips twitch upwards into a small smile. Truth is, he would love an excuse to leave, but he feels guilty for it. These are his friends, too, but… Jungkook and Yoongi’s presence keeps him on edge. He wishes it didn’t. He doesn’t want to get too comfortable depending on Namjoon, though. 

“I like that my presence doesn’t seem to drain you,” Hoseok whispers back softly. “But I think I should stay. Thanks for the offer, though. I hope you have a good night.” 

"You don't drain me at all. I hope you have a good night, too," Namjoon says softly, looking slightly disappointed as he nods, giving Hoseok’s knee a squeeze under the table. The touch floods Hoseok’s whole body with a comfortable kind of warmth that he doesn’t know how to process on top of everything else. He takes a large swig from his wine glass instead, hoping it’ll numb him enough from everything he can’t make sense of. 

True to his word, Namjoon excuses himself from the table, fondly laughing off the teasing remarks from their friends, and the absence of him by Hoseok’s side makes him feel more vulnerable than ever before. He lets himself become noticeably quiet, no longer interested in trying to maintain the facade that he’s fine. By now, everyone’s tipsy enough and chatty enough that they probably don’t notice the change in him, anyway. Maybe he can actually eat his meal. 

He sighs and takes another sip of water, trying to keep himself hydrated with how much alcohol he’s consumed. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket with a text. Grateful for the distraction, he pulls it out and is surprised to see that it’s from Yoongi. 

It’s good to see you. 

The messaging bubble pops up, signaling that he’s still typing. Hoseok can’t help it, his eyes look up to him from the adjacent side of the table. Yoongi’s lips are pursed as he looks into his lap, likely hiding his phone there to not appear rude at the table, even though Yoongi is almost always quiet in social settings. 

Though this isn’t the kind of acknowledgement he expected, Hoseok does feel slightly less edgy now that Yoongi’s talking to him. Somehow this is so much easier than talking in person… hearing each other’s voices, seeing each other’s expressions. It’s also nice to have some degree of privacy. These words aren’t for show around the others. Whatever they say here is for themselves, and somehow, even with the lack of intimacy that comes with a face-to-face conversation, this is more genuine. 

Hoseok’s eyes drop back down to the open chat in his phone, seeing the pile up of texts from Yoongi eight or nine months ago… just simple stuff, his attempts at trying to be friends. All of them went ignored by Hoseok entirely, and part of him wishes that he didn’t cut him off completely like that. 

Eventually a new text comes through. 

I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you earlier. 

Blinking in surprise at the text, Hoseok finds himself nodding slightly. Maybe it’s a little strange to be texting each other when they’re only a few feet apart, but… it feels safer with the lack of eye contact. 

It’s okay, I’m sorry, too. 

Texting him back is surprisingly easy. 

You don’t need to apologize. How have you been lately? 

Hoseok has no clue how to answer that honestly. Yoongi always knew when he was watering things down, lying by omission. It won’t do either of them good for Hoseok to tell him that he’s been miserable, but he can be honest about work. That’s a more socially acceptable line for friends to talk about. 

Busy. I primarily work intercontinental flights these days. What about you? 

Strangely, Hoseok feels like another weight is being lifted from him. He wanted to improve things between him and Yoongi, and this feels like a good start. There’s less pressure than talking face to face, even if they’re in the same room. It’s still weird to talk like this, less personal than before… but it’s a start. 

That’s great, I know those were always your favorite flights to work. I’ve been busy, too. I just started a new residential project as a lead. It’s so stressful. 

Congrats on being the lead. Don’t let the stress get to you too much, hyung. I’m sure you’ll do great. 

The words are probably too personal, but Hoseok finds it nearly impossible to filter himself and how much he cares about Yoongi. He may have created the distance between them after the breakup, but… Hoseok’s heart will always have a soft spot for him. He hopes it’s mutual, but he isn’t certain. He can’t be certain of anything anymore, especially pertaining to Yoongi. 

Hoseok doesn’t notice that Yoongi’s tearing up across the table, too engrossed in the conversation taking place on his phone. 

Thanks, Hoseok-ah. Make sure to take care of yourself, too. Thank you for talking to me. I know this is kind of weird. 

While it is a little strange, Hoseok thinks it’s probably the best they can manage. 

It’s okay, hyung. This is easier for me, too. 

Hoseok means it. 

I’m glad. I don’t want to make anything harder. 

Hoseok barely has a chance to consider the words before Yoongi is typing again, preparing to send another message. It seems like he struggles, the typing bubble starting and stopping repeatedly. 

The conversation at the table pulls him away from his phone. 

“Earth to Hoseok-hyung,” Jimin says playfully, waving a hand in front of his face. Hoseok scrunches up his face and chuckles softly. 

“What?” 

“I asked you when Jiwoo and Kyungmi are arriving,” Jimin says with a giggle. “It’s tomorrow, right?” 

“Oh, no, they land in a couple of days, the day of the rehearsal,” Hoseok answers back, breaking into a more natural smile at the mere thought. He hasn’t seen his sister and niece in weeks, partially due to his work schedule and partially due to hers. “Jiwoo had to change her plans, originally it was supposed to be tomorrow. I can’t wait to see them.” 

Part of Hoseok can't help but wonder how Namjoon will react to Kyungmi with equal parts dread and anticipation. 

“That's too bad, but things happen. I can’t wait to see the flower girl dress Jiwoo designed for her,” Taehyung says with a smile. “She said it’s a surprise.” 

“All we know is that it matches our colors,” Jimin replies happily. 

At that, Hoseok’s brows wiggle slightly. “Hah! Finally I have ammunition to tease you back with,” he says cheekily. “The dress is gorgeous. She’s going to look like a little princess. I saw it a few weeks ago when I visited her.” 

“Ugh,” Taehyung says dramatically. “I’ll try to be patient.” 

Hoseok smiles knowingly, and with a quick glance back to his phone, he sees no new texts from Yoongi. “Don’t worry, it’ll be worth the wait.” 

Perhaps whatever Yoongi was going to say, he decided against it. Hoseok isn’t sure what else to say, and the typing bubble isn’t visible anymore, so he decides to leave it be, locking his phone back up and returning it to his pocket. 

The rest of the dinner goes by uneventfully, and Hoseok actually manages to eat about half of his meal, which is the most he’s eaten all day. It’s good, too, because he also has drank the most today, albeit, over a rather spread out amount of time. By the time he makes his way back to his room, he feels a bit tipsy. 

He’s grateful that he’s managed to make positive progress with all of his friends today. He opened up to Namjoon a little… he talked to Jimin about the job opportunity… he talked to Seokjin after months of avoiding his every invitation to hang out… he even talked to Yoongi. More than that, nothing was exceptionally terrible, except maybe Jungkook’s reaction to his name. But the only person who witnessed that was Seokjin, and he would never say anything about it. 

All in all, today could have gone way worse. 

Though… there’s one moment Hoseok can’t let go of that circles through his mind on repeat. The memory of Namjoon’s arm holding their bodies flush, the scent of his musk, the way his chest felt under his hand… 

Hoseok feels hot all over just thinking about it, conflicted in his desires. His physical attraction to Namjoon is intense, but his desire to protect his heart is even more intense. Setting himself up for heartbreak is stupid. Leading Namjoon on is stupid. 

Nobody deserves to get hurt. 

Though Namjoon’s words to him earlier are sweet and almost undoubtedly genuine, Hoseok doesn’t know how to trust that anyone would be capable of handling a relationship with him, except maybe another pilot or flight attendant, someone who works the same crazy hours as him. Yoongi is the most independent person Hoseok has ever known, and even he started to feel the physical distance that comes with Hoseok’s job. Why would Namjoon be any different? Independent or not, Hoseok doesn’t think that in practice, he can place his trust in anyone anymore. And that? That is a him problem. Dragging anyone into it will hurt them. Hasn’t he already hurt his friends enough? 

Maybe… leaving really would be best before he can do more damage to anyone. 

Pursing his lips, he slips out of his bed and digs out his laptop. He almost didn’t even bring it on the trip, but he’s glad that he did. Applying for the position will be way easier on a laptop than his phone. 

Just as he’s about to type “Delta” in the search bar, a soft knock echoes on his door. 

Curious, Hoseok stands from the desk and walks to the door, peering through the peep hole. On the other side is a freshly showered Namjoon, wearing another set of cute pajamas, carrying two… ice creams? 

He can’t help the smile forming as he opens the door. “Hey,” he greets softly. 

Namjoon’s dimpled smile pops out as he greets him back, “Hey yourself. I wanted something sweet and thought I’d share. Mind if I come in?” 

“That’s sweet of you,” Hoseok replies, fond but also slightly guilty. All of Namjoon’s attention on him is flattering, but he really needs to stop this before either of them get hurt. It’s so obvious what a great guy Namjoon is, and maybe… maybe if they met at another time, this would have swept Hoseok up right off of his feet. He would have let himself fall hard and fast. But Hoseok isn’t naive or lovestruck, and he knows that in the real world, everything has consequences. “Come on in.” 

“Thanks,” Namjoon says, entering in Hoseok’s room as he steps aside, pressing a chilly paper cup into his hand. “I hope you like pineapple and strawberry. I wanted to try a Hawaiian classic called guri guri. This is the only flavor combination.” 

“Thank you. I love strawberry,” Hoseok says, leading them over to sit side by side on the bed. He takes the little wooden spoon in hand, trying a small taste. “Oh, this is so smooth. The pineapple is sweet, too.” 

Namjoon copies him and his smile is so warm, gentle. “Mmm, I’m glad you like this. I have a sweet tooth, so I knew I would.” 

That news doesn’t surprise Hoseok in the slightest. “That makes sense for such a sweet guy like you,” he whispers, his voice taking a darker edge than his words would suggest. 

Namjoon picks up on it instantly, looking at Hoseok with an unspoken question in his gaze. 

Hoseok swallows the fruity, creamy spoonful on his tongue and sighs softly, finding it difficult to meet his gaze, knowing what he needs to do. “Look, I… we got interrupted earlier, and I wanted to apologize.” 

“Apologize? For what?” Namjoon asks, expression sombering. 

“I like you, a lot. But I meant what I said, I’m not… looking for a relationship. You seem like an amazing guy, Namjoon-ah. But I’m… I don’t really deserve your attention. Dating me would be a waste of time. I’m… a mess. And there’s something… I haven’t told anyone except for Jimin.” 

Namjoon’s expression turns rather sad, but not angry. Angry would have been easier on Hoseok’s heart… 

Here he is, not wanting anyone to get hurt, and he already failed. 

Namjoon is hurt, and Hoseok doesn’t want to admit it, but he is, too. 

“What is it?” Namjoon asks, meeting his gaze, seemingly unafraid of being vulnerable with Hoseok. The thought is slightly bewildering. 

Taking a deep breath, he steels his nerves. It's time to get this over with. “I might be moving to the US. It’s just an idea right now, but my colleague called me earlier to tip me off to a really good job opportunity for Delta. With my experience, I’m a strong contender. If I get it, I’d have to move somewhere in the US.” 

Putting the words out there make it feel real and he hasn’t even submitted his application or resume. Somehow telling Namjoon feels harder than telling Jimin. Maybe it’s because… he knows Jimin. He knows that his best friend wants what’s best for him, that distance isn’t going to tear them apart, even if his superficial fears got the better of him earlier. But he doesn’t know Namjoon like that. He may not know him well, but he likes who he’s seen so far, and he… doesn’t want to disappoint him. 

Namjoon nods and takes a bite of the guri guri, expression thoughtful as he seems to try to put together what he wants to say. 

“Thank you for opening up. I know that can’t have been easy. But what if I told you that I want to decide for myself?” he asks, tilting his head slightly, looking at Hoseok’s gaze with determination. 

“What do you mean?” Hoseok asks, slightly breathless at how intense Namjoon looks right now. 

“You said you don’t think you deserve my attention… that dating you is a waste of time. I don't agree with it, but I get where you’re coming from, kind of… but I want to decide that for myself. I know that you’ve been hurt, and I don’t want to add to that, and I know you might move away, but… if you’re only saying that to push me away for my sake, then let me decide that for myself. I’m not afraid of taking a risk on you. If you don’t like me back, if you don’t want my attention, that’s different. But to me, it sounds like you’re trying to make a decision for me, not yourself,” Namjoon says, voice gentle. He slowly brings a hand to Hoseok’s cheek, giving him plenty of time to turn away or make discomfort known. "What do you want, Hoseok-ah?"

Hoseok’s eyes sting with prickly tears as he realizes he’s doing exactly what Yoongi did to him. 

Making decisions for someone else, who’s heart is already invested. 

He doesn’t lean away or try to distance himself from Namjoon’s hand, heart fluttering inside his chest. 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Namjoon whispers, calloused hand brushing at Hoseok’s cheek, catching a stray tear. 

“It’s… not your fault,” Hoseok murmurs back. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… make a decision for you. This… this is what I mean when I say that I’m a mess. I like you, I want you, but... I don’t want to get hurt. You might not want to hurt me, but… nobody ever does, right? That’s not how relationships work. Opening myself up to you means… I’m opening myself up to getting hurt again. You’re opening yourself up to being hurt by me, and I don’t want to hurt you.” 

Namjoon’s own eyes glisten slightly as he nods, cupping Hoseok’s chin. “You’re right. I can’t promise that we won’t hurt each other. It’s one possibility out of many, though. Something you said to me earlier makes me want to try with you, though. You want to know what it is?” 

With a small sniffle, Hoseok nods, pursing his lips as he wonders what he said that could possibly convince Namjoon that he’s worth pursuing. 

“Communication is important,” Namjoon whispers, leaning in slightly, looking at Hoseok’s lips with want. “It’s important to me, too. More than anything. And you communicated with me tonight, even though I can see how hard it was for you. I admire that. I admire you.” 

For the fourth time, Hoseok and Namjoon are only centimeters apart. All Hoseok wants is to give into this attraction, feel Namjoon’s lips on his own. His heartbeat pounds inside his chest, and Namjoon’s eyes make him feel like he’s on fire. 

“If you think this is nothing more than a waste of time, but you want me just as much as I want you, why not waste it on me?” Namjoon asks, half-lidded eyes meeting Hoseok’s. "Why don't we give this a try, see where it goes?"

Their lips are so close, and Hoseok can’t take it anymore. He’s never held himself back in the face of attraction this intense before. Namjoon’s made it perfectly clear that he knows what he’s getting into, despite his warnings. So far Hoseok’s fears aren’t based off of anything Namjoon has done, only his past experiences. Yoongi can’t define everyone he’ll ever be attracted to in the future. 

If this is a mistake, then maybe it’s one he wants to make. Maybe it’s one he needs to make. 

Hoseok nods slowly, making his intentions known, and leans his head into Namjoon’s welcoming hand, tilting his head just enough to have easier access. Namjoon leans in slowly, too, looking at Hoseok like he's a treasure he wants to handle carefully. Their lips meet halfway, a soft but firm pressure, and Hoseok exhales through his nose at how good it feels. Namjoon’s lips are plump and slightly cool from the chilled desserts. They taste like the dessert, too, sweet like strawberries, pineapples, and cream. The calloused hand on Hoseok’s chin leaves goosebumps in its wake as it sneaks into his hair. 

A gentle, explorative tug makes Hoseok’s lips part open slightly, a breathy moan absorbed by Namjoon’s lips. His tongue playfully traces along the seam of Hoseok’s lips, and he grants him entry, eagerly sucking him in. Namjoon’s fingernails lightly graze his scalp, and Hoseok brings his free hand to Namjoon’s chest, eager to return the pleasure and feel more of him. A shudder runs through all of Namjoon’s burly frame at his touch, and the corner’s of Hoseok’s lips curl upwards at the reaction. 

Hoseok spreads his fingers out, moving from one side of Namjoon’s chest to the other, palming his pectorals greedily, savoring the effect it has on the other man, who’s breathing in erratic puffs. Clearly his chest is sensitive, and Hoseok finds it incredibly arousing. Namjoon pushes his chest forward into Hoseok’s touch, desperation emanating from him, coaxing Hoseok’s dominant side to life. 

He takes charge of their liplock, circling one of Namjoon’s nipples through his shirt before pinching it. “Fuck,” Namjoon grumbles against Hoseok’s lips before biting his lower lip. A spike of arousal overcomes him and he shudders, so uncontrollably turned on. 

Namjoon’s grip on his hair tightens and he uses it to manhandle him slightly, angling his neck backwards to kiss down it. The still-cool lips against the heated skin of Hoseok’s neck make a moan rumble up his throat. Heat pools in his belly, his touch-starved body craving everything with reckless abandon. 

“Namjoon-ah,” he half-moans his name, hand flexing on the chest in front of him as the gentle, cool lips are replaced with playful nips of teeth. 

“Yes?” the other man asks into his skin, pressing a wet kiss on his throat. 

“We still need to finish our ice creams,” Hoseok says with a breathless laugh. His hand holding his cup is significantly cooler than the one on Namjoon’s chest. 

“You’re right,” Namjoon whispers, also breathless. His eyes are smouldering as his tongue pokes out, licking his lips before parting them open, pink tongue a slightly darker shade from the dessert. “Feed me, then.” 

Hoseok can’t help but imagine those lips parted open for something else. Nonetheless, he complies with the request, bringing a small, liquidy scoop of the dessert to Namjoon’s lips. Watching the rise and fall of his adam's apple as he swallows is hypnotic. A little bit of the cream drips over the side of one of his lips, and Hoseok leans back in close, lapping at the little bit dripping. 

Namjoon brings their lips together again, moaning under his breath as he coaxes Hoseok’s tongue back into his mouth. The kiss is dizzying and electrifying, and Hoseok wants more. He wants to feel Namjoon’s skin beneath the pads of his fingertips and learn all of the spots that make him shudder. 

The way Namjoon kisses him makes him want so many things all at once. It’s been a long time since he’s felt this wanted in return. He meets every swipe of his tongue with one of his own, every brush of explorative hands with one in return. By the time they pull back, Hoseok can’t help but laugh at the completely melted ice cream in hand. 

Namjoon’s eyes follow his, and he grins seductively. “Tilt your head back a little,” he whispers his command, sending a pleasure-filled shiver down Hoseok’s spine. He hopes to tease Namjoon just as much as he did when the tables were turned. He tilts his head back, opens his lips, holding his tongue out obediently, ready to catch the sweet liquid. 

Namjoon brings the little paper cup to his lips with a heated gaze, watching with rapt attention as Hoseok swallows every drop, slowly, savoring the taste and the reaction. 

“Fuck,” Namjoon breathes, biting his lip. 

Hoseok flashes him a playful smile, winking. “Like what you see?” he asks. 

“How could I not? You’re gorgeous,” Namjoon replies huskily. 

“Thank you,” Hoseok says, equally turned on by the praise and shy under it. He leans into Namjoon, tickling under his chin. “You’re not so bad yourself.” 

“What do you want?” Namjoon asks, eyes fluttering closed under Hoseok’s ministrations. 

The question brings him back to reality and sobers him a little. He brings his lips to kiss Namjoon’s temple. “Is it okay if we just… keep it to kissing for now?” 

The nerves that overcome him are decidedly not sexy. He’s not sure why he suddenly feels them, either. Maybe it’s because that with everyone after Yoongi, he jumped into bed with them, only to be discarded later. Maybe it’s because he wants more than one night with Namjoon. Maybe… maybe it’s because he actually isn’t as ready for any of this as he thinks he is. Everything is happening so fast. 

“Of course,” Namjoon replies, pulling back to look at Hoseok, eyes certain. “You don’t need to ask to draw boundaries. I didn’t come into tonight with any expectations… just hoping to spend more time with you. This is already more than I hoped for. We can take things at our own pace.” 

Hoseok’s heart pounds in his chest, making his pulse race. Namjoon’s… such a fucking sweet guy. 

Not once during any of his… flings… did he feel like the person he was sharing a bed with could help him feel whole again, not even Minji. They were all there because they had a mutual physical need they could help each other with. Minji felt like enough, when Hoseok was used to having nothing, but… now he sees how poorly that would have played out. Somehow, he feels like… Namjoon’s capable of picking up the pieces of him. That’s terrifying in its own way. Hoseok doesn’t want to be selfish with him. He wants to find ways to give back to him. 

“Thank you,” Hoseok finally whispers, smiling softly, reconnecting their lips in a more chaste kiss. “You’re one of a kind, Namjoon-ah.” 

“Thank you,” Namjoon whispers, a shy smile on his lips. “Do you want to keep this to ourselves?” 

Hoseok deliberates for a moment, not keen on the idea of keeping Namjoon a secret. That feels like it would be doomed straight from the beginning, and… no. If they’re going to give this chemistry between them a shot to be something more, then they need to be honest. He shakes his head softly. “I don’t want to advertise it… but I’m not going to lie when asked. Let's just do what feels natural.” 

“Do you want us to have any labels…?” Namjoon asks, a vulnerable, wary expression crossing his handsome features. 

“I don’t think I’m ready for labels yet. Just that we’re getting to know each other, seeing where this goes,” Hoseok whispers. “How does that sound to you?” 

Namjoon looks content with the answers. “Sounds like the truth to me, and I’m good with that.” He brings their lips back together, kissing Hoseok so much slower than before, a kind of vulnerability showing that makes him nervous. Never before has Hoseok ever felt like he held someone else’s heart in his hands, but he wants to be worth it. 

After a few more minutes of gentle kisses and cuddling, Hoseok starts to feel his eyes droop, weighed down by the fatigue of the day. Namjoon slips from Hoseok’s hold, kissing him on the forehead. “Sweet dreams, Hoseok-ah. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Sweet dreams, Namjoon-ah,” he whispers with a smile, watching as the door closes behind him.

Notes:

And that's a wrap on this chapter! What did you think, especially about Yoongi? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!! 💜

So the reason for my ramble in the notes at the start of this chapter is because of Namseok here at the end. This scene totally teeters a line I didn't expect myself to dance along. Do I tag this as food play? It feels like food play, but it was accidental, and there's no actual smut to be read, so maybe I shouldn't. Food play enthusiasts might be disappointed, so I didn't tag it that way. Welcome to my thought process when preparing to post this chapter lol. Hopefully everyone enjoyed this.

Anyway, thank you for reading, lovely people! I hope you continue to stay tuned for more. 💜