Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I’m once again asking you to check out my best friend arcticjaybird’s fic first to find out what the hell is going on (and to find all the irony ;)), but you don’t need to. You can kind of pick up what happened from here, but I would love it if you read their fic anyways. They helped with beta reading so they would love it if you checked them out! <3<3<3

As a side note, either one of us are British (I'm American so I'm as far from British as you can get), so sorry if things get a little weird. I'm trying to make this as accurate as I can, so sorry if something is off. 

Just before we start, there are a few trigger warnings I need to address. If you are sensitive to any of this, I suggest going to another fic with a lot less angst (I recommend this silly little literal crack fic from my other friend FaboKraken! :D ). I’ll try to put all these warnings in order so you can be careful and to add more if needed. If I’ve missed anything, please let me know! I don't want to upset anyone! 

• suicide/suicide attempts (whole fic, major in first three chapters and chapter 25)
• major/serious injuries (whole fic, major in first three chapters)
• alcohol/drug use (whole fic, major in first three chapters and chapter 23 and 24)
• grief/loss (whole fic)
• vomiting (1,2,3,14)
• panic attacks (3)
• hospitals/psych wards (whole fic, major up to 13) 
• mentions of cutting/self-harm sorta? (7,8,11, 25)
• animal/pet death (8,12)
• violence/blood/gore (1,11, 25)
• suicidal/homicidal thoughts (9,10,15,25)
• mentions of religion (10,17)
• fainting (11,16, 26, 27)
• fevers/sickness (10, 11)
• nightmares (11)
• temporary character death (11)
• mentions of car accidents (18)
• animal abuse (22)

If you guys feel like you need to talk to someone, here’s a list of suicide hotlines and emergency numbers around the world. Take care of yourselves. I love you and there are always going to be people who care, even if you don’t think there are. <3<3<3

Chapter Text

I’m once again asking you to check out my best friend arcticjaybird’s fic first to find out what the hell is going on (and to find all the irony ;)), but you don’t need to. You can kind of pick up what happened from here, but I would love it if you read their fic anyways. They helped with beta reading so they would love it if you checked them out! <3<3<3

As a side note, either one of us are British (I'm American so I'm as far from British as you can get), so sorry if things get a little weird. I'm trying to make this as accurate as I can, so sorry if something is off. 

Just before we start, there are a few trigger warnings I need to address. If you are sensitive to any of this, I suggest going to another fic with a lot less angst (I recommend this silly little literal crack fic from my other friend FaboKraken! :D ). I’ll try to put all these warnings in order so you can be careful and to add more if needed. If I’ve missed anything, please let me know! I don't want to upset anyone! 

• suicide/suicide attempts (whole fic, major in first three chapters and chapter 25)
• major/serious injuries (whole fic, major in first three chapters)
• alcohol/drug use (whole fic, major in first three chapters and chapter 23 and 24)
• grief/loss (whole fic)
• vomiting (1,2,3,14)
• panic attacks (3)
• hospitals/psych wards (whole fic, major up to 13) 
• mentions of cutting/self-harm sorta? (7,8,11, 25)
• animal/pet death (8,12)
• violence/blood/gore (1,11, 25)
• suicidal/homicidal thoughts (9,10,15,25)
• mentions of religion (10,17)
• fainting (11,16, 26, 27)
• fevers/sickness (10, 11)
• nightmares (11)
• temporary character death (11)
• mentions of car accidents (18)
• animal abuse (22)

If you guys feel like you need to talk to someone, here’s a list of suicide hotlines and emergency numbers around the world. Take care of yourselves. I love you and there are always going to be people who care, even if you don’t think there are. <3<3<3

Chapter Text

Tommy stepped into the light of a lamppost, waiting for his Uber to come. His breath wafted in front of him like smoke from a fire and he watched it fade into the crisp air.  

It had been an hour since Tubbo jumped. 

An hour of pain, suffering, and torment the both of them had to endure. He didn’t even know if Tubbo was conscious, but some part of him hoped he wasn’t.

While waiting for the car to come pick him up, Tommy elected to call the only person that would wake up for him at this hour, for emotional support. Seeing Tubbo alone at the hospital wasn’t something he wanted to experience. 

He needed Phil. 

Even though it was so late at night and Phil was already upset about picking Lovejoy up from their performance, he needed him. Tommy knew he was probably asleep, but he had all their phone numbers set to alert and would know it was urgent for Tommy to be calling at 4am. 

Tommy pressed call and tensely waited for someone to answer. Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait too long for Phil to pick up.

“What is it now, gremlin child?” Phil sleepily answered, unaware of all the turmoil Tommy had just dealt with. “Is Wil sick or something?”

“Tubbo.” Tommy’s voice shook, raspy from screaming. “He- he tried to kill himself, Phil.” 

“What?” Phil was jostled awake, sitting bolt upright. “You- you’ve got to be joking.”

“I wish I was.” Tommy’s breathing hitched as he sniffled sadly. "I don't know what… I don’t know what’s going on- I was on the phone with him and then he just stopped responding. I had to call an ambulance and… shit…I’m really worried, I don’t know what to do…"

“Don’t cry, mate.” Phil responded gently. He talked to someone else briefly- Tommy assumed it was Kristin. “Did they tell you which hospital he’s at?”

“St. Richards.” Tommy responded. “I’ve… I’ve called an Uber, I’m going there now.”

“Me and Kristin’ll join you.” Phil promised, and Tommy heard him get up from his bed. “We’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“...Thanks Phil.” Tommy murmured, his voice still hoarse.“I-I’ll meet you there.”

“Don’t worry, mate.” Phil responded, his voice pitched higher than Tommy was used to. “We’ll take care of it. Tubbo’s strong, I’m sure he’ll be alright.”

“Mm.”

He had just hung up the call when Tommy noticed a red car coming his way. It stopped in front of him. 

“Tom Simons?” The person in the car called out to the blond as Tommy walked forward.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Tommy confirmed. 

The car ride to the hospital was eerily silent, save for a few soft jazzy tunes on the radio. For the first time in a while, Tommy didn’t feel like talking.

~~~~

“Toby Smith.” Tommy breathlessly uttered to the receptionist at the closest desk, his legs shaking from his brief run from the Uber. “He came in about an hour ago.” 

“Tobias Smith. Is that right?” The woman adjusted her glasses.

“Yes, is he alive?” Tommy responded anxiously. 

“He’s here.” The receptionist confirmed, looking at her computer for Tubbo’s information. “Unfortunately Mr. Smith is in surgery so you can’t see him yet, but if you stay in the waiting room we’ll come and get you once he is moved.”

“Okay, thank you, ma’am.” Tommy nodded, still breathless.

“No problem.” The receptionist responded in an unusually upbeat tone.

Sighing, Tommy made his way over to one of the cheap plastic chairs before slumping into it. Even with the seat being cushioned it wasn’t very comfortable, but god he was tired.

With shifting eyes, he eyed the people walking around the hospital. People coming, people going. Mostly nurses and doctors wandering the halls, their squeaky steps being the only noise around. There were a few other people but they kept to themselves, looking at their phones and waiting to be seen.

Tommy quickly grew sleepy from the repetition, hardly able to keep his eyes open.  

Being in the waiting room made Tommy think about all the other times he and his friends had been there due to stupid dares and vlog accidents. Tommy had seen a fair amount of broken bones and missing teeth, but nothing quite as life-threatening as this.  

Of course, there was the incident that happened about five months ago. 

It all started as a simple stomach ache with a mild fever in the morning. Everyone just assumed that this was all Wilbur being a hypochondriac until it continued to get worse and worse as the day progressed. The pain was so severe that Wilbur had to cancel band practice for the day, something he almost never did. As evening approached, Wilbur was in even more pain and his fever climbed. By sunset, he was incoherent.

Tommy ended up calling an ambulance out of fear, which was actually the right call. Turns out Wilbur’s appendix was just about to burst, and if it did, the infection could have led to a long hospital stay. Thankfully, the doctors caught it early enough. 

But that's not the end of the story. This was the Wilbur Soot after all. 

The interesting part came during the two days Wilbur spent in the hospital, often rambling on in a drug-induced haze. High Wilbur was just as unpredictable as his ordinary self, only he was more sluggish and laughed at everything without reason. 

Tommy could distinctly remember engaging in an hour-long conversation about seagulls. Yes, seagulls. Those little bastards who live on the beach and steal chips and shit. It worried him a little, seeing his friend so incoherent, but that couldn’t even compare to Tommy’s overwhelming fear right now. 

Tommy had to remind himself that Tubbo was in safe hands. The doctors would do everything in their power to treat every patient and Tubbo was no exception. 

If he only knew that Tubbo would be okay. 

Tommy was incredibly fatigued. His brain was too fuzzy to think about the last time he slept. Maybe he should rest his eyes for a moment, just until someone, anyone, told him about Tubbo’s condition. Then maybe he could fall back into a deeper sleep, like the ones he normally got after a long and fulfilling day. His head nodded onto his chest.

Next thing Tommy knew, there was a hand softly ruffling his unruly hair. He heard a couple of familiar voices talking to each other, both with a hint of parental concern. Tommy blinked open his eyes, still blurry and bloodshot from crying and sleep.

As his eyes started to adjust, he noticed a familiar smile, tired and apprehensive, but a smile either way. Phil was squatting in front of him, his hair frizzy and eyes heavy. Kristin was standing behind him, scrolling through her phone, also looking like she had just woken up.

Tommy must have slept long enough for Philza and Kristin to drive to the hospital. 

The exhaustion left his body instantly and he leapt up to wrap Phil in a bear hug, burying his face in the familiar, comforting scent. “You came?” He murmured, squeezing his eyes closed tightly.

“Of course, mate.” Phil responded, straining to keep his exhausted smile. “You and Tubbo need us. ‘Course we’ll be here.”

“I’m sorry about… everything, Toms.” Kristin softly remarked, taking a seat next to the youngest as Phil sat on the other side.

“Have they given you any updates on Tubbo yet?” Tommy asked anxiously, expecting something new. 

“No, other than the fact that he’s in surgery.” Phil replied, his weary smile finally turning to a frown. “I’m sure you already knew that.”

“Yeah, they already told me that when I came in.” Tommy grumbled, disappointed that nothing changed. “I’m just so… I’m so worried about him, I don’t know if he’s okay and...”

“We all are.” Phil sighed, looking even sadder than before. “But it sounds like the doctors know what they’re doing. Tubbo’s strong. I’m sure he’ll get through this.” 

“...And if he doesn’t?” Tommy whispered softly. He couldn’t even cry anymore.

“Then we’ll deal with that as well.” Phil sounded more distraught, the couple holding Tommy as close as they could. “For now, let’s just focus on the positives.”

After a few minutes of hugging, Tommy finally spoke. 

“Phil?” 

“Yes, mate?”

“Can you tell Wil… can you tell Wil what happened?” 

Oh right, Wilbur.

“I’ll ask him to call me, don’t worry about it.” Philza got out his phone and started typing. “I know he’s not going to wake up for a bit, but this isn’t exactly something to tell him over text.”

“I agree.” Tommy nodded. 

“Oh, where’s Wilbur?” Kristin enquired, visibly confused. 

Ha, if only she knew. 

Tommy and Phil could both remember the drive home. Wilbur shouting song lyrics at the top of his lungs, right into Philza’s ear. Ash vomiting onto the car mat, spewing out half-hearted apologies from time to time. Mark singing along to the music on the radio as well, almost incoherent from the back seat. Joe resting against the window, trying to block out the rest of his noisy bandmates. 

Kristin was lucky that she fell asleep before then.

“Tommy called me to pick them up at around eleven or so.” Phil explained the situation to Kristin. “They, uhhhh… they had a lot to drink, all of them were drunk as hell. I dropped them off at Tommy’s house so we wouldn’t have to deal with them.” 

“Yup, sounds like them.” Kristin commented, causing everyone to snicker a bit. 

“Well, they all crashed as soon as they got home.” Tommy continued. “I’d hate to be them in the morning.” 

“I’m glad you didn’t partake.” Phil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“For once you can say I was a perfect kid, wasn’t I?” Tommy smiled tiredly. 

“Ah, I wouldn't go that far.” Kristin responded. “You’re still a mess.” 

“I guess you’re right.” Tommy said, grinning in defeat as Phil ruffled the child’s hair again. 

Sure, the situation was tragic, but at least they had each other. 

~~~~

About an hour later, a doctor walked up to the trio, holding a clipboard in his hands. 

“Are you here for Tobias Smith?” He asked.

“Y-yes, we are.” Tommy stammered nervously, ready for any news, good or bad. 

“Alright, I have an update on him.” The doctor announced, flipping his clipboard. “He just got out of surgery. He got very lucky, because a fall like that could have broken his spine. Several bones in both legs were shattered, so rods were placed in surgery to aid in healing.”

“Can we see him?” Phil asked. 

“Yes, come with me.” The doctor responded, gesturing for the group to follow him down a side hallway.  “He’s in room 274." 

The doctor led them through winding, unfamiliar hallways which blurred together in Tommy’s vision. He counted the numbers on the doors as they passed- 164, 166, 168… up an elevator, then 170, 172. Phil squeezed Tommy’s hand. 

It was your typical hospital room with bright fluorescent lights and white walls surrounding them. There was a TV on the right side of the room, some vaguely familiar children's cartoons playing in the background.

On the bed in the center of the room, was Tubbo. His legs were wrapped in bulky casts, hoisted into the air with straps. Multiple machines beeped around him and an IV was hooked into his arm, probably dispensing some very strong painkillers. It was only as Tommy’s eyes followed the steady heartbeat displayed on the screen that he finally accepted, by some miracle, Tubbo had survived. 

Tommy crept closer to the bed, ignoring the hushed whispers of Phil and Kristin talking with the doctor. 

Tommy knew the person lying in front of him was Tubbo, but something felt… off. His stomach clenched. Tubbo was dressed in a white hospital gown patterned with little bees, probably pulled from the pediatric unit. It was just what Tubbo would have wanted, but this wasn’t the Tubbo he knew. His skin was pale and clammy. His hair was tousled and greasy, like he hadn’t washed it in weeks- Tommy couldn’t remember the last time the two had facetimed, or when Tubbo had last streamed, so it may just have been weeks since he had washed it. Tubbo looked… exhausted. 

It was the most vulnerable Tommy had seen Tubbo in a long time. Perhaps ever.

It was immediately clear that Tubbo wasn’t all the way there. His half-closed eyes were glossy and wide, full of blissful awe instead of sorrowful distress. Seeing the blond approach him, he gave a tired, dopey smile. 

“Hey…” He slurred, his eyes blinking wider. “Wha’cha doin’ here?”

Tommy swallowed thickly. “You don’t remember, do you?”

“Me’member what?” Tubbo slurred, cocking his head to the side like a confused dog.

“...How you got here.”

“No… but I get to see you.” Tubbo giggled. “It's so nice to see you.”

"It's nice to see you too, Tubbo." Tommy forced a tired smile. He was sure his friend would be alright in time, so maybe the best thing right then would be to play along.

Seeing Tubbo like this made Tommy’s heart sink. The man who was crying hysterically hours ago was smiling blissfully as if nothing had ever happened. As soon as Tubbo was lucid enough to remember what happened, this blissful scene was going to come crashing down. But for now, he had to deal with this Tubbo, bubbly, confused and high as shit.

Tommy jumped as Phil walked up beside him, Kristin moving to stand on the other side of the bed. The chairs were just as stiff as those in the waiting room, but at least they got to see Tubbo. Tommy wasn’t going to complain. 

“Hey, Tubbo.” Phil addressed him in a gentle tone as he sat down. “How are you feeling, mate?” 

“Feels weird...” Tubbo smiled warmly. “...’m all fuzzy.”

“I bet so.” Phil responded, brushing his hand through Tubbo’s unkempt hair. “You’re on some pretty strong painkillers.”

Tubbo kept grinning. “Can’t feel anything... kinda relaxing.”

“Tubbo, we were so worried about you.” Kristin spoke softly, reaching out and rubbing the back of his hand. “I’m just glad you're alive.”

“You’re so pretty….” Tubbo giggled, ignoring Kristin’s comment. “You remind me of my mum…” 

The remark made Kristin chuckle, her cheeks and ears flushing red. “Well, they don’t call me Mumza for nothing.” 

Tubbo laughed as well. He felt good in a way that transcended words. Nothing hurt anymore, both physically and mentally. Not only had he forgotten about his injury in the euphoria, he had forgotten about why he was injured in the first place. However, he was still exhausted.

After everything that had happened in the past few hours, Tubbo yawned loudly. He attempted to roll over onto his side but was quickly stopped by the braces holding his legs in the air. He frowned at them, confused.

“It’s pretty early in the morning, if you want to sleep.” Kristin said, lightly massaging Tubbo's hair. “Maybe your parents will be here when you wake up.” 

“I wanna sleeppp…” Tubbo responded in a woozy voice. “But I wanna sleep with youuu…” 

The entire room erupted in a short fit of laughter, leaving Tubbo stunned as it died down. 

“Wha’...” Tubbo was too doped up to realize what he uttered. “Don’t make funna me…I’m tirrrred...and I don’t want you to leave…” 

“Shhh…” Kristin continued to comfort Tubbo with her hands in his hair. “It’s okay. You’re safe. We’ll be right here when you wake up." 

“You promise?” Tubbo’s response was soft, hardly able to be heard.

“We’re not going anywhere, promise.” Tommy said, smiling as Tubbo’s glassy gaze switched from Kristin to him.

Kristin gently placed her hand on Tubbo’s cheek, making circles with her thumb as his eyelids fluttered. He made some soft muffled grumbling in response before slipping into a heavy, dreamless sleep. His head tumbled onto Kristin’s hand and she pulled away, letting his head rest peacefully on the pillow instead.  

Something told Tommy that Tubbo would be alright. Maybe not now, but eventually. All he could do right then was be thankful that his friend was alive, in front of him, and breathing.

Recovery would be long, but Tommy would be there every step of the way for him.

Chapter Text

Wilbur loved the gig and everything about it. 

The room full of people cheering, singing along to every song. The band that was so near and dear to his heart. The songs that he spent so long writing and recording. The massive amount of cider he downed within a couple hours. 

Wilbur felt on top of the world that night. Nothing could bring him down. 

He just kept drinking and drinking and drinking and…

Wait, where was he?  

The first thing Wilbur felt as he woke up was a pounding headache, almost like an anvil dropped on him- you know, like in those old cartoons. Wilbur cracked open his eyes, sunlight from the windows burning his retinas. He groaned. He hurried to cover his eyes with his arm, but the light still burned.

After a while of having them closed, opened them again. As his eyes adjusted a bit, he noticed he was back home, curled up on the living room sofa. Looking around, Wilbur noticed that the rest of the band were lying around the house, still sleeping off the events of the night before. 

Wilbur tried to get up a few times. Between his shit balance and the amount of alcohol his body was working to get rid of, he kept tumbling back onto the sofa. Eventually he was able to stand and stumble his way into the kitchen. 

One thing Wilbur really wanted at that moment was coffee. He didn’t drink it often and it probably wouldn’t help him, but he needed something to make him feel less fatigued. Opening the cabinets, Wilbur got out a white mug and placed it under the coffee maker. He put one of the little coffee pods inside and cringed as it made a sharp hissing noise. 

Once the mug was ready, Wilbur moved over to the island in the middle of the kitchen. He noticed Ash lying there, sprawled over half of it like a towel. He tried to ignore the strong stench of bodily fluids as he sipped his coffee, more focused on shaking off the drunken daze that came with a hangover- his friends would undoubtedly need his help when they woke up.

Wilbur turned on his phone, noting the time at the top of the screen. 10:13. Opening Discord, he realized he must have sent a series of weird messages to people he hadn’t collaborated with since the Dream SMP ended. Most of the messages were pretty basic for someone who was drunk. Autocorrect, gibberish, typos, random shit that didn’t make sense. It was all there. 

Then he saw the messages from Phil, sent about five hours ago, well after he blacked out. Not from Discord, but from his text messaging app. Wilbur's heart sank at the sight because Phil never texted him, he always just messaged over Discord. He knew at once it was an emergency.

Wilbur sifted through the messages without a second thought.

hey wil

call me as soon as you wake up

Oh, fuck.

tubbo’s in hospital 

Not Tubbo. Why did it have to be Tubbo?

tommy’s with me

Shit.

Everyone else in the house was still pretty much dead to the world, so Wilbur decided it was better to take this outside than to let them hear it. Sure, Wilbur loved the band, but if one of his friends was in a bad shape, he would be willing to put everything on hold for a while. 

Just as he was about to open the door, he noticed some white-rimmed sunglasses lying on the counter. Without hesitation or regard for who they belonged to, he picked them up and put them on as he stepped outside. It was still bright, but the sunglasses made it reasonable enough to deal with. 

With his back against the wall, he called Phil.

“Phil, I-” Wilbur started to apologize before he was stopped by a sob.

Wilbur expected Phil to be angry at him for everything that happened last night. Instead, he heard loud sobbing.  Sure, Phil cried on a couple streams, but he never bawled out like this. 

“Wait, are you- crying?” Wilbur’s voice grew louder, his head pounding a bit more in response. “Phil, what happened?”

“Tubbo…he…oh, fuck…” Phil sniffled, looking for the right words to say that just wouldn’t come out.

“Take your time. I’ve got-” Wilbur was interrupted again. 

“Tub-Tubbo tried to take his own life, Wil.” Phil managed to blurt out though his sobs. 

“What?” Wilbur nearly dropped the cup of coffee he was holding. 

“Tommy called an ambulance for him.” He explained. “He-he broke his legs in the fall. He just got out of surgery about four hours ago.”

“Is it- it’s that bad?” Wilbur ran his fingers through his hair. He wasn’t processing the new information.

“...Yeah.” He inhaled sharply. “Sorry- fuck, I’m in the hallway right now, Tommy’s with Tubbo and I… I don’t want either of them to see me like this. It’s going to be- it’ll be a long few months Wil, it’s gonna be bad.”

“...Where are you guys?” Wilbur asked softly, clenching his fists.  

“We’re at St. Richard’s in Chichester.” Philza informed Wilbur, choking down a sob. “Room 274.”

“I’ll get an Uber and meet you guys as soon as I can.”

Wilbur closed his eyes for a moment, steeling himself. He felt sick, and he didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or the news. Phil sighed on the other end of the call.

“Hey… um, you weren’t… looking great last night…” Phil hesitated for a moment. “Before you call an Uber, maybe take a shower or something? At least make yourself more… presentable. Tubbo’s parents are on their way, and he’s not going anywhere. There aren’t any, uh… amenities here.”

“Okay.” Wilbur replied somewhat grudgingly. “I’ll take a shower.”

“...Okay.” Phil murmured. “Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

Wilbur stared at his now blank phone screen. Fuck . That was all he could think. 

However, Phil was right. He felt and looked like shit. Maybe a quick shower could help wash off some of the icky residue on his skin and clear his head a bit. He was still frazzled from last night and that, combined from the shock of the news he had just received, made him stumble as he tried to walk back into the house.

If he was totally honest, Wilbur didn’t care how he looked or smelled. He just needed to get to the hospital as quickly as he could. Tommy needed him, Tubbo needed him, and he didn’t want to let either of them down. Not any more than he already did. 

Maybe if he had been there last night with Tommy, not drunk off his ass with his friends, Tubbo wouldn’t have jumped.

~~~~

Tommy was still in the gloomy hospital room with Tubbo, hours after he was let into the room. It was just him, in silence, watching Tubbo's chest rise and fall. 

Phil and Kristin didn't leave the hospital, but they just needed some place to comprehend everything that just happened. They sat just outside the doors, Kristin already falling asleep on her husband's shoulder. Phil was still painfully conscious, staring down at his phone, waiting for a reply from Wilbur.

For now, it was just Tommy and Tubbo and the occasional nurse who checked his vitals and adjusted his medicine.

Tommy breathed deeply, still trying to take in everything. 

It shouldn't have been this silent. They shouldn't have even been here in the first place. Tubbo should be at home, safe and sound. He should be streaming and laughing with his friends, not here in the hospital, bedridden and doped up on painkillers. If given the choice, Tommy would have taken his place in that bed instead.

The deafening silence that filled the room was interrupted by the sound of a door opening and a frightened shriek. 

“My baby! What happened to my baby?” The woman looked horrified, looking around desperately for any staff.

Tubbo’s doctor, who had been checking over the sleeping boy, looked up and quickly exited the room. He said nothing, only guiding the parents to sit down and talk everything over. Tommy understood why- they had no idea what was going on, aside from the knowledge that their son was in hospital and Tommy was with him.

“Paramedics were called to an abandoned property on Williams Street by a young man.” The doctor explained, looking down at his clipboard. “The caller said he had… jumped off the roof. We believe this was a suicide attempt. He was immediately taken into surgery upon his arrival here, as his legs are very severely damaged. 

“What?” Tubbo's mother responded, aghast.

“Is my son going to be okay?” Tubbo's father asked, just as frightened as his wife.

“His legs are broken and we put steel rods in both legs to aid in healing. He also lost a lot of blood as there were several open wounds, but he was very lucky that he didn’t break his spine as well. All things considered, your son is lucky that he’s expected to make a full physical recovery. He’s on some very strong painkillers right now, so he’s not going to be himself right now.”

“How… how long is recovery expected to be?” Tubbo’s dad asked desperately, clutching onto his wife’s hand.

“Full recovery could be up to a year, but the casts should come off in about 12 weeks. He’ll be in a wheelchair for that time and on crutches for a few months longer until we’re sure the fractures have healed correctly. He’ll need to attend physical therapy for some time.” The doctor paused. “However, there is more than just the physical side of recovery to consider. Given that your son tried to kill himself, I would recommend admitting him into Chichester Centre across the street until a physiatrist considers him stable again.”

“We can work with all that.” Tubbo’s father spoke, a hint of hope in his voice. “It’ll be a… challenge, but we’ll handle it.”

“Alright.” The doctor stood up and headed for the door. “Please, if you need anything, don’t be afraid to call one of our nurses. I know how stressful something like this could be.”

Once the doctor had left, the couple pushed open the door to their son’s hospital room and walked over to him. Tommy played with his hand, watching as his friend continued to sleep.

As the two pulled up chairs beside him, Tubbo started to open his eyes drowsily, yawning, and pulling his hand away from Tommy. He made a confused grunt while trying to move, the braces still holding him in place. He squinted.

“Mum…Dad…” Tubbo muttered, just now realizing that they were right in front of him. “You’re here…”

“Yeah, you gave us such a scare, Toby.” His father sounded frantic as he leaned down to hug his son, careful of everything he was hooked up to. “What the hell were you even doing up there?”

Tubbo continued to ignore what his father said, still reeling with childlike worry and affection. “I thought you wouldn’t come… you weren’t here before.” 

“Please don’t ever do something stupid like that again.” His mother responded sternly, holding him tighter than ever. “We thought we lost you. Oh, Toby.”

“I’ll try not to...” He muttered, still completely confused by all the commotion. 

Between Tubbo’s current state and the parents' worried faces, Tommy felt uncomfortable. Sure, he did the right thing and saved Tubbo’s life, but it was hard to look at him and not feel the guilt and terror of knowing how he got there.

Maybe it was the copious amounts of soft drinks to keep himself awake, lack of food or just plain sleep deprivation tugging at him, but Tommy could feel his stomach twisting. He felt a weight over his chest and every part of his body ached like he had just run a marathon.

Exhausted from everything, Tommy turned and stepped out of the room, the storm of emotions still brewing in his stomach. He tried to take a few deep breaths, but even those seemed too shallow for him. 

"Tommy, you good there, mate?" Someone next to him responded, making Tommy jump a bit. 

Oh, right. Phil was there.

“Yeah, I’m just a little nauseous.” Tommy faked a smile, trying to hold everything back.

“You sure?” Phil responded, a worried look on his face. “Your blood pressure could be acting up and I really don’t want you to pass out right now." 

If low blood pressure was the case, it wouldn’t be the first time Phil had dealt with it. His blood pressure was something that could be easily taken care of with medicine, food and plenty of water, something Tommy knew he hadn’t had in the past few hours. 

But Tommy knew how it felt when his blood pressure got too low, and this wasn’t it. This feeling was more suffocating, almost like how Wilbur described his asthma attacks. 

“Maybe you should go and eat something.” Phil rummaged through his coat, trying to find some cash to give him for a vending machine. “Here, I can give you a fiver and you-”

"No thanks…I just need some s-space right now." Tommy wheezed, trying to fill his lungs with air in vain, everything else around him blurring as he rushed into the restroom. 

After everything that just happened, he needed a fucking break.

~~~~ 

"Philza!" 

Phil flickered open his tired eyes in response, careful not to alarm his wife who was leaning on him in the nearby chair, still sleeping. 

In the distance, Phil could see a familiar figure step out of the elevator. His curly hair was still damp, his eyes covered by a crappy pair of sunglasses that lessened the bright lights of the hospital. It looked like he just threw on some random clothes and walked out the door, a bulky jacket still covering his lanky frame. He didn’t look great, but at least he showered.  

"I came as soon as I could." Wilbur spoke frantically, trying to catch his breath. “How is he?” 

“Well, the doctor said full recovery could take anywhere up to a year.” Philza sighed. “In his current state, he’s not going anywhere for a while.” 

"Are his parents here?" Wilbur asked, taking a seat on the other side of Phil.

Phil hummed, nodding his head in reply. 

“This is all my fault.” Wilbur groaned. “Shit, man… I feel so guilty.”

“What could you have done to prevent it?” Philza turned to Wilbur as much as he could, his wife’s sleeping head still lying on his shoulder. “None of us knew this was gonna happen.”

“I know but… I wish I would have been there for him, and for Tommy.” Wilbur looked away. “Poor kid had to deal with all of this shit all by himself. Maybe if I intervened, this wouldn’t have happened.” 

“Wil, we didn’t know that this was gonna happen.” Phil repeated, tried to console the younger man. “What’s important now is that we know he’s going to pull through. It’ll just take some time for all of us to heal from this, especially Tubbo."

"Alright." Wilbur sniffled, trying to wipe away his tears with his jacket sleeve before a thought popped into his head, leaving him frazzled. “Wait, what about everyone else? How about Niki and Fundy and Jack and-”

“We’ll tell them eventually.” Phil calmly spoke, trying to comfort him. “We don’t want to overwhelm him right now. Have you thought about telling your band to go on break?” 

“I feel like it would be better to tell them all in person.” Wilbur exhaled. “I don’t want to do that over text.” 

"That's understandable." Phil turned his gaze away from Wilbur, sighing deeply. “I feel like Techno needs to know as well. I mean, he is moving here in a couple months and I don’t want him to panic when he sees Tubbo like this.”

“Should we- should we call him right now?" Wilbur responded, still speaking cautiously. "I know it’s pretty late over there. Should we wait?”

“...He needs to know as soon as possible.” Phil turned to Wilbur, a downtrodden look on his face “I want him to hear it from us before somebody else tells him.” 

“...Yeah."

Wilbur nodded as he fumbled around with his phone for a bit. After a few light taps, the phone began to ring and vibrate in his hand. It didn’t take long for Technoblade to pick up.

“Wilbur?” The man responded, awake but still drowsy. “You know it’s like midnight here, right? I’m tryna fix my sleep schedule.”

“Technoblade, we need to talk.” Wilbur whispered. “There’s been…an emergency.”

“Wilbur, what’s going on?” Techno asked, growing more aware, still trying to keep his composure. "Is everyone alright?"

“Techno, Tubbo…Tubbo…” Wilbur couldn’t finish without breaking down in tears. 

"How- how bad is it, Wil?" Techno stuttered slightly, his normally strong voice thick with emotion. "Do I need to come over?"

“It's pretty bad." Phil sighed, finishing what Wilbur started to say. “He tried to take his own life, we’re at the hospital right now. It's going to be a… long healing process."

There was a long pause. 

“I’m coming over there.” Techno said bluntly.

“What?” Phil and Wilbur replied at the same time. 

“I said I’m coming to England.” Techno clarified, emphasizing what he said. “I’m going to pack my stuff and head to the closest airport to get the first ticket to the UK as quickly as possible.”

“But you’re coming in a couple months, Techno." Wilbur responded, fumbling with his thumbs in nervousness. "You know, with your visa and-”

“Screw my visa.” Techno exclaimed. “Tubbo needs me and I'll do everything in my power to be there for him.” 

"You don't have to do that, Techno." Philza responded. "We just wanted to tell you so-"

"Trust me, if anything else happens to you guys when I'm not around, I- I'll never forgive myself." Techno responded protectively, an underlying sadness lacing his voice. "I promise as soon as I get the ticket, I'll call you back."

"...I guess I'll see you then." Wilbur responded, his voice shaky and hesitant. 

Then he hung up, the hallway becoming silent once again. Sure, there were a few squeaks from gurneys and carts and faraway voices talking to each other, but it still felt empty.

It was a strange feeling. Technoblade was coming, an event that should make everyone happy. But they knew no one would feel happy about it at that moment. They had other things to deal with. Tubbo could have died and everyone was devastated and guilt-ridden. 

"Hey, where's Tommy?" Wilbur wondered out loud.

"He ran into the restroom a few minutes before you came in." Phil explained, slightly worried. "He said he needed some space but..."

Tommy spending that long in the restroom? That was worrisome. Wilbur didn't know if it was guilt or just brotherly urges, but something urged him to check up on Tommy. 

“I’m going to go check up on him.” Wilbur declared, running into the restroom as well.

Hopefully, Tommy was doing alright.

~~~~

Tommy wasn’t doing good at all.

Tommy waited for his panic to subside. He tried to take a few breaths, but that didn’t relieve the pain in his stomach. In fact, he felt worse and worse. Tommy felt his body making a gutteral noise and he knew there was no stopping it. It was excruciating but it felt oddly relieving at the same time. He had never done something like that before and he didn’t want to experience that again. 

Once the vomiting ceased, a wave of dizziness and nausea and pain overwhelmed him once again. He tried to stand up, but the sensations of agony kept him down. With nothing else to do, he sat there on the floor of the restroom, trying to catch his breath as glinting specks danced around his vision.

Guilt and panic consumed his racing thoughts with no signs of stopping. He felt so tired and sick and weak. Tubbo could’ve died. His parents were beyond panicked to see their son like this. Phil and Kristin were worried as fuck and there was still no sign of Wilbur anywhere. 

What the hell was he even doing here in the first place? This shouldn’t have happened. He tried to save him to the best of his abilities, but felt like everything he did was in vain. He couldn’t save Tubbo and now he was in hospital, likely to remain there for weeks and weeks. 

Maybe it would have been better if Tubbo never called him at all. If Tubbo died, it would get rid of all the messy aftermath. There would be no damned recovery time. There would be no fucking psych wards and therapists and doctors and other shit he had to deal with. 

Sure, it would be sad, but in Tommy's panicked mind, it would be easier to deal with than this shit. 

Tommy could easily picture his funeral. All his friends and family weeping over him. The empty chair at the diner table where he used to sit, the innocent smile they’ll never see again, the gaping hole in everyone’s heart that would continue to linger for years to come. 

Why didn’t he just let Tubbo die? Why did he have to go out and play the hero for once? 

Tommy could barely hear footsteps coming closer to his stall as he sobbed, continuing to whine and shake in a ball on the floor. These dark thoughts kept circling in his brain like starving vultures, blocking out all rational thought. 

“Tommy?” A recognizable voice called out as he knocked on the stall, cutting though his thoughts like a knife. “Are you in there?” 

“Wil?” Tommy cried out. 

“I’m here, Tommy.” Wilbur calmly spoke, trying to reassure his horrified roommate. "You can come out now. I’m worried about you."

Tommy stood up, feeling slightly dazed as he tightly clutched onto the walls. His vision blurred slightly as he unlocked the stall. As soon as he got out of there, he was going to get some food in his system. He’d spent so long looking after Tubbo that he must have forgotten to look after himself.  

The stall opened and Wilbur noticed Tommy trying to rub away his tears. His golden hair was messy and tangled and his eyes were still bloodshot and achy. He turned his head over to the older man, their eyes coming into contact with each other in a moment of disbelief. 

“Wil!” Tommy sluggishly stepped out of the stall, hugging Wilbur as tight as he could, half collapsing onto him. “Y-you’re here!”

“Yes, I am.” Wilbur responded, holding him tighter as Tommy cried into his shoulder. "And I'm not leaving you behind."

They just stayed there in a tight embrace for a few seconds, Tommy’s quick breath trying to repeat Wilbur’s deeper ones until it evened out into something calmer. Tommy dug deeper into Wilbur’s embrace, nearly feeling his ribs crack from how strong it was. 

Wilbur had dealt with Tommy’s panic attacks several times in the past, even before they started living together. It was something the both of them had in common that they both had to deal with from time to time. But ever since they started living together, they both had been able to help each other with their problems. Tommy would help with Wilbur’s plethora of problems and Wilbur would help with Tommy’s problems as well.

No matter the situation, Wilbur had Tommy’s back and Tommy knew he would have Wilbur’s back as well.

~~~~ 

When Tommy got home, he was dead tired.

The four of them stayed at the hospital until the nurses had to kick them out because visiting hours were over- only Tubbo’s parents could stay. Despite everything that had happened only hours ago, Tommy still wanted to stay there with Tubbo for as long as he could. 

Seeing his friend like that made him uneasy, but knowing Tubbo was being cared for by a bunch of strangers made Tommy even more uncomfortable. Tommy knew he was in good hands and that Tubbo was expected to be alright, but he still couldn’t get over everything that had happened in the past twenty four or so hours. 

The car ride home was silent. Phil and Kristin were sleeping shoulder to shoulder, holding hands and their heads leaning against each other. Tommy was also in the back seat, leaning close to the window and watching the city lights go by with droopy eyes. Wilbur was the one who ended up driving, still painfully awake and unable to sleep even if he tried.

The house looked slightly different when they came home. The mess Wilbur woke up to was gone, along with his bandmates. Wilbur had just called off the next “practice” for a couple days and the next “practice session” would just be Wilbur breaking up the band for a few months until Tubbo was in a more stable place.

Tommy didn’t even have time to notice. 

Between the mental exhaustion of the past two days and the lingering effects of sleep deprivation, Tommy was out as soon as he hit the mattress. He hardly had time to bundle himself in the tangle of blankets on his bed before he was off to sleep. 

Tommy needed this more than anyone knew. 

Chapter Text

“Tommy. Tommy, get up.”

Tommy woke up to someone tapping his shoulder, a whispered voice calling his name. He turned onto his side before the hands started to shake his torso. Tommy opened his eyes, barely making out Wilbur’s tired grin in the dim light.

“Wil, let me sleep.” Tommy yawned, sinking deeper into the blankets.  

“Tommy, you gotta get up. I have a surprise for you.”

“Can it wait until morning?” Tommy stretched. “I wanna sleep.” 

“What if I told you that Technoblade’s coming?” Wilbur spoke loud enough for Tommy to hear, opening his eyes at Techno’s name.

“The Blade?” Tommy perked up a little, his head rising from the mountain of blankets. “He’s here?”

“Yeah, he’ll be there by the time we get to the airport.” Wilbur explained. “He called us after you went to bed. He got a plane ticket just a few hours ago.”

“What time is it?” Tommy asked, finally forcing himself to sit up and shake off his exhaustion. 

“It’s only around five or so.” Wilbur responded. “Phil wants us to be there fairly early. He’s really excited about seeing Techno.”

“Fine, I’m up.” Tommy groaned, rubbing his fuzzy head with his hands. “Just let me get showered then we can go.” 

Tommy felt gross. He hadn’t showered in a couple days. His hair was a mess and his skin felt all slimy. Maybe he should look somewhat presentable for Techno. After what he’d been through the day before, he needed a shower more than ever. 

“Alright, just yell out when you’re ready to go.” Wilbur said as he walked out of the room.

Tommy sighed, looking down at his hands, cracking a slight smile. Sure, Tubbo wasn’t in a good shape, but at least he got to meet Techno in person for the first time. It was long overdue, after all.

~~~~

The car ride to the airport was quiet and awkward. 

Kristin sat in the front while Phil drove, humming along to some early ‘00 hits on the radio. Wilbur flipped through the strange messages he sent a couple nights ago, occasionally smirking at some of the bizarre responses he got. Tommy just sat in the back seat with Wilbur, listening to music through his headphones as he stared out the window. 

Tommy was feeling so many emotions at once that he felt completely overwhelmed. Sadness? Anger? Pain? Joy? He wasn't quite sure. It was just so much that he weirdly felt numb to it.

Before long, they were there. Heathrow Airport in London, just where Technoblade said he would be. Without a sound, Phil gave a reassuring smile to the two boys in the backseat, got out of the car and headed into the building. He had one thing on his mind and one thing only. He needed to get Technoblade. 

Stepping into the airport, Phil sucked in a breath, inhaling all the strong chemicals used to keep the airports clean. He looked forward to meeting Techno, despite the awful circumstances.  

Phil could hear the hustle and bustle of London. People were scurrying everywhere, the intercom was going off and there were small venues and stores everywhere he looked selling overpriced crap for people coming and going. It had all the makings of an airport in a bustling city like London.

If he had the choice, Techno would have picked somewhere closer to Brighton. 

London was an alright place, but he knew not everyone liked it- himself included. There were too many people for the city to be comfortable and the polluted air made Wilbur’s asthma flare up. Besides, he had heard so many cool things about Brighton. All the piers and museums sounded fun to him and he couldn’t wait to see everyone, especially Tubbo. 

Having to come here after such an earth-shattering situation was disheartening. 

Phil was caught off-guard by the man that came barrelling towards him, dropping his bag onto the floor to fling his arms around the shorter. The momentum almost tipped him over. A familiar brunette wearing glasses and a large plaid shirt had his arms around him and all Phil could do was hug back just as tightly, allowing the younger to bury his head in his shoulder. The man’s glasses were fogged, and Phil could tell he hadn’t slept.

They stood there, verging on crying, hugging each other until their arms got sore.

“Phil!” The brunette murmured, finally pulling back. “I’ve missed you, man.”

“Techno, I haven’t seen you since…” God, when was the last time they’ve seen each other?

“Tubbo? Is he safe?” Techno released himself from the tight hug, lightly touching Phil’s cheek. “He’s not dead, is he?”

“Not going to lie to you, Techno, he got pretty close." Phil responded. "His legs are broken. He's gonna be in the hospital for a while."

Techno sighed. Hospitals were a sore subject for him. 

Techno ran his hand through his hair, exhaling further. “When I heard he attempted, I knew I had to come right away. I just…can’t stand people I love getting hurt. Not in that way. I just… I knew I had to be here and I don’t-” 

“Yeah, I knew you would be hit pretty hard by this.” Phil placed his hand on Techno’s shoulder. “But he’s going to be alright. It’s going to take a while to recover, but he’ll get through this. We’ll get through this together.”

“I get it. This kind of thing is hard on everyone.” Techno remarked, wiping away the tears that had begun to fall. “I’m just glad he’s in good hands. I know he’ll be taken care of.” He swallowed. “Fuck, sorry, I- just a bit emotional, yeah.”

“I get that.” Phil continued to pat Techno’s back. “Let’s get you to the car, big man. I’m sure Tommy and Wilbur’ll be excited to see you.”

Techno smiled weakly. “I’ll be glad I get to see them, too. God, what it takes to finally get all the sleepy boys together.” 

With his large backpack flung over his shoulder, Techno followed Phil out the door. His suitcase followed behind him, the wheels squeaking on the tiled floor as he made his way towards the exit. 

Techno was thrilled to be in a place where he truly belonged. 

~~~~

The convenience store was empty, save for a few shoppers and the employees. The quartet had split into two groups, with Wilbur going with Phil and Tommy going with Techno. They were looking for a quick snack, wandering aisle by aisle for anything good, and it was while walking down one of these aisles that something caught Phil’s eye. 

It was a large square book with rings around the outside, beige in color. There was a tiny bee in the middle, resting on top of a yellow flower. It looked like it would be perfect for scrapbooking, journaling, or whatever Tubbo wanted to do with it. 

“I think Tubbo would like this.” Phil commented as he picked up the book to look at it, Wilbur turning his head towards the older man in response. 

“It could be from all of us.” Wilbur proposed. “We could all pitch in and write little messages inside. Something for Tubbo to look at so he knows he’s not alone… and maybe something he can look back on later, when all this shit is over.”

“Yeah, I think it would be a good idea.” Phil smiled, thumbing the cover of the book. 

Nodding to each other, the duo made their way to another aisle, spotting Techno and Tommy looking at some small stuffed animals that couldn’t cost more than five pounds. 

“Hey guys.” Techno mused, holding one of the small stuffed animals in his hands. “How about this? I’m sure he would like this.”

Techno held it up by the armpits, just like it was a baby. A black, lanky figure with purple eyes and lengthy limbs dangling down. Tommy instantly knew it was an enderman, causing him to turn his head away in disgust. It reminded him too much of Ranboo.

Tommy still thought about it a lot, about how Ranboo had disappeared off the internet without a trace a little less than a year ago, but now what bothered him even more was his role in Tubbo’s attempt. If Ranboo never left them like the selfish coward that he was, maybe Tubbo wouldn’t have done what he did. 

“Isn’t that a little too… soon for him?” Tommy softly spoke, remembering what Tubbo said about Ranboo. “Tubbo still misses him.”

“I know. We all do.” Techno patted Tommy’s back in a brotherly manner. “I was thinking about Tubbo. Maybe if he had something to hang on to, it’d help him a bit.”  

“I mean, whatever floats your boat, big guy.” Tommy responded dejectedly. “If you think Tubbo would like it, who am I to judge?”

“Oh, Tommy, I found something I think Tubbo would love.” Wilbur declared, taking credit away from Phil as he took the book and held it in front of Tommy's face. 

Tommy marveled. Almost instantly, he forgot about Ranboo and the stuffed enderman toy, because he knew that this was the perfect present to give Tubbo. Sure, it was large and bulky, but Tommy didn’t pay much attention to that. He was mostly enchanted by the cute bee in the middle of the cover. 

“We should probably buy this and get going.” Phil suggested. “I’m sure Kristin’s waiting on us in the car.”

“Pumping gas doesn’t take that long, does it?” Techno responded sarcastically. 

“Yeah, we should probably get going.” Wilbur chimed in. “I really want to give Tubbo his gifts.” 

Tommy nodded in response. They were right. He wanted to be there right on time, as soon as the nurses let them in.

However, while they were on their way to the open checkout line, Tommy noticed a small cow, red and white in color with a mushroom sticking out of its back. Instantly, Tommy was in love. Tubbo needed something that was distinctly from him that he would like, and this was it.  

“Wait.” Tommy pointed, still hypnotized by the bovine as he flocked to it. 

“Tommy, what is it?” Wilbur asked curiously. 

“Mooshroom.” Tommy’s eyes went wide with excitement, eagerly grasping the creature from the shelf.

“You are an actual child.” Wilbur responded, trying to hold back a chuckle. 

“I know.” Tommy looked up at Wilbur, still clutching the small stuffed animal. 

Some things never change, do they?

~~~~

As it turned out, going to the store was a great idea because as soon as they arrived, the nurses let them in. Visiting hours had begun.

The room wasn’t much different than the day before, although there were few noticeable differences. His parents were in the room, sleeping next to each other on plastic chairs. Tubbo’s skin looked less pale and he appeared slightly less dead. Slightly . 

Most of the group had seen Tubbo like this before, the day earlier. Glossy eyes from the medication, legs lifted high into the air, hair still messy from weeks of not taking care of it. It was all strangely familiar to them. But Techno was new to this. He’d never seen Tubbo in such a vulnerable condition before. In fact, he’d probably never seen someone so badly injured, let alone one of his close friends.

But Tubbo was alive. Sure, he looked dead, but the monitors told them otherwise. 

"Hey…" Tubbo slurred, slowly raising his head from his pillow, eyes focused on Tommy. "You're back..."

“Of course we are.” Tommy spoke. “How are you feeling today, Tubs?”

“Pretty good...” Tubbo gave a shaky thumbs up and a wobbly smile.

“We brought someone that you’ll love.” Tommy announced before letting Techno past the group to move over to the boy in the bed. 

“Hey, Tubbo.” Techno walked up to Tubbo, kneeling to touch his hand. “You remember me?”

“You have a nice voice...” Tubbo’s head was slightly tilted to the side in confusion. “Do I know you?”

“Tubbo, that’s Technoblade.” Tommy clarified. “You know, the pig guy! The one who plays on Hypixel all the time.”

“Oh…” Tubbo blinked as he sniffled, still just as lost as before. “You don't look like it to me.”

Technoblade cracked a smile at the thought. 

Who he was in real life was nothing like his online persona. In the servers he played on, Technoblade was treated like an unstoppable god who drank blood from the skulls of his enemies and killed orphans for fun. But in real life, he was a tenderhearted man with a sarcastic voice who just wanted to play games and be there for his friends. His hair was growing out, brunette strands barely touching his shoulders.

“It must be good stuff you're on." Techno responded, gently stroking Tubbo’s forehead.  “You still pretty out of it, bud?”

Tubbo nodded with that stupid grin on his face.

“Hey, we have a couple gifts for you.” Wilbur spoke, taking the book out of a grocery bag and placing it into Tubbo’s hands. 

Tubbo looked at the cover for a while in interest before trying to set it on a nearby table that was just out of reach. Phil noticed Tubbo’s struggle and took the book from his hands, placing the book on the table himself.

“Tubbo, I think you’ll like our gifts.” Techno spoke confidently, grabbing the mooshroom and the enderman out of the bag. 

“Yeah!” Tommy exclaimed, taking them from Techno and placing them on Tubbo’s chest. “We found them this morning. You’ll love them!”

Tubbo looked at both of the stuffed animals, but his gaze lingered on the enderman toy from Techno. Not with a look of sadness, but one of delight, like being reunited with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. He picked it up and hugged the enderman like it was his lifeline, leaving Tommy’s lonely present sitting on his lap. 

Damn, did he really miss Ranboo that much?

Tommy looked into the distance, face twisting into a jealous scowl. Everyone seemed so proud to give their gifts to Tubbo, but Tommy couldn’t help but feel hurt and angry. Angry at Tubbo. Angry at Ranboo. Angry at himself. Angry at the situation. Angry at all the other people who got involved. 

Tommy was just fed up with everything.

Chapter Text

Wilbur and Techno managed to have a great time together, despite the awful circumstances. They’d ordered a couple of pizzas and had put on some cheesy 90’s romcom with god awful humor and a laugh track in the background, and that had put the pair into a pretty good mood. 

Meanwhile, Tommy slouched on the other sofa, head in his hands, silently fuming. 

Things hadn’t been the same since Techno arrived. Well, things weren’t going to be the same for a while, but Tommy couldn’t believe the two were having fun while Tubbo was in the hospital. Tommy was emotionally exhausted.

Tommy had even heard Techno talking with Phil and Kristin about celebrating Thanksgiving in England. As a British person, Tommy didn’t know much about the holiday. All he knew was that it was a holiday where Americans gather around to watch “football”, gorge themselves on turkey and slip into food comas. 

While the idea was appealing, Tommy couldn’t complain about eating and spending more time with people he considered family, there was still the obvious weighing him down.

Tubbo wouldn’t be there. 

Tommy had been at the hospital everyday for the last week, sitting at the bedside of his friend. Not talking much, just being there. There would be internet access at the psych ward and Tubbo would be moved there tomorrow, so he would be able to call or message Tommy with supervision. However, wait times to see patients at the psych ward were lengthy, so it would be a while until he saw Tubbo in person again.

Until then, he was stuck with Wilbur and Techno. There wasn’t anything wrong with having Techno over, just Tommy felt like it was a little overcrowded at times. Tommy was used to having just himself and Wilbur in the house, and the celebratory air the man had brought with him made him physically sick. 

All this time, Tommy wanted to be alone to think about everything. He wasn't depressed or anything, he just had a hard time dealing with all these difficult feelings at once. Anger at everyone involved in this. Guilt that he couldn’t help his friend. Joy that Techno had finally come back into their lives, but disgust at his ability to be happy in these times. 

“Are you alright, Toms?” Tommy noticed Wilbur looking at him worriedly. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Tommy responded. 

“You still upset about everything?” Wilbur queried.

“Of course I’m still upset, Wil!” Tommy snapped. “Tubbo literally tried to take his own life right in front of me!” 

“I know.” Wilbur reassured, hoping that Tommy would calm down. “I’m sorry-”

“Well, you don’t act like it.” Tommy snapped, turning away and folding his arms.

“I came as soon as I could, Tommy.” Wilbur explained, his own voice starting to raise. “I was at the hospital every fucking day with you.” 

“What about the shit I had to deal with?” Wilbur noticed Tommy’s eyes starting to swell with tears. “I thought he was dead! Besides, all you’ve done was spend your time with Techno!”

“Toms, he’s just got here, I want him to feel comfortable.” Wilbur replied, his voice rising in volume but not as loud as Tommy’s.

“Tommy, why don’t you calm down and-” Techno stepped in, doing his best to keep the peace. 

“Stay the fuck out of this, Techno.” Tommy growled, tears still threatening to fall. 

“Hey, don’t talk to him that way.” Wilbur shot back. 

“How else am I supposed to talk to you without getting stepped on?” 

“You’re not getting stepped on.” Wilbur tried to clarify. “We’re just trying to help you.”

“I’ve had enough of this.” Tommy declared, standing up suddenly and heading towards the door.

“Tommy, what are you doing?” Wilbur spoke worriedly, waiting for a response that never came. 

Tommy threw on a black jacket and walked out the door, slamming it behind him and leaving Wilbur and Techno behind.

Tommy never meant to worry them. He just really needed to go see Tubbo before he went to the psych ward in the morning, because he didn’t know how long it would be before they could see each other again. He ordered an Uber and before long, he was on his way to the hospital. 

Maybe he should have contacted them before he left. 

~~~~

Tommy stepped into Tubbo’s hospital room, the same one he had grown strangely familiar with in the past week. 

Tommy didn’t see Tubbo's parents. They must have been talking privately to a doctor about Chichester Centre- the psych ward- or informing Tubbo’s sisters about the ongoing situation. Tommy knew they would never leave their son behind, especially when in this situation. One of them had been at the hospital all week, taking turns to go home and rest.

Tommy walked closer to the bed, taking a seat in one of those uncomfortable padded chairs. He took a deep breath and glanced at Tubbo, who appeared to be zoning out. 

Tubbo was looking out the window, observing the parking lot below, eyes following the few cars coming in and out or crawling along the main road. The sky was just beginning to darken a bit with tones of purple and pink. It was like he never noticed Tommy walking into the room. 

Tommy scanned the room a bit more. He eyed the book Wilbur got him a week ago was practically untouched, save for a few pieces of fanart Wilbur found on Twitter after he announced that Tubbo was taking a break lying on top of it. There were a few cards on the table, as well as a vase of slightly wilted flowers tied together in a bow. He must have gotten them from the family members that had come to visit.

Eventually, Tubbo turned his head and made eye contact with Tommy. Tubbo forced out a weary smile. Not one of childish bliss like he was when he first woke up in the hospital, but something more worn-out and broken. He had finally been switched off those strong painkillers, which was both a blessing and a curse.

“Hey Toms.” Tubbo said quietly, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. He was tired. 

Tommy sat there silently, stewing in emotions he couldn’t quite decode. Tubbo could sense his sorrow with a hint of rage thrown in there. Tommy was starting to cry, trying to stifle his tears to no avail. 

“Tommy?” Tubbo asked, his face becoming more anxious. “Tommy, what’s wrong?”

Tommy finally stood up from the chair, leaned in and wrapped his arms firmly around Tubbo. He planted his face in his friend’s chest and just bawled.

“Tubbo!” Tommy sobbed into his friend’s shoulder. “You can’t just do that to me!” 

“What are you talking about?” Tubbo lied, trying to deny what happened. “I didn’t do anything.”

“This?” Tommy pointed to his legs, still wrapped up in casts. 

“Oh, yeah.” Tubbo looked away in regret. “That.” 

“Don’t you see?” Tommy pleaded. “Everyone’s been worried so fucking sick about you. I’ve been worried sick about you. You can’t just try to kill yourself and then pretend like nothing is wrong.”

"Why does it matter to you?"

“I'll tell you why it matters, dumbass.” Tommy snapped at his friend. “Technoblade came to England because of your ungrateful ass. Your sisters are staying with your grandparents because your parents spend every waking hour in this goddamned hospital. Toby, you would have died if I didn’t interv-”

“Then you should have let me die!” Tubbo protested. 

“And leave you like Ranboo?” Tommy countered. “I’ve already lost him. I’m not going to lose you too!” 

Tommy must have struck a nerve when he mentioned Ranboo. He noticed his friend’s face twisting into a snarling look of anger. 

Tommy exhaled. “I know you miss him. We all do, but-” 

“Maybe if you weren’t such an impulsive hothead-” 

“My impulsiveness saved your fucking life. You should be grateful.”

“Well, I wish Ranboo was here instead of you!” 

Tommy stepped back, stunned by what Tubbo said. Did he really mean that?

“Toby, you don’t mean that, do you?” Tommy quietly asked. 

Tubbo looked away, unable to see the shocked look on his face. His face was still heated and red with aggression. 

“Just get out before you make things worse.” Tubbo snarled. 

Tubbo stared angrily as Tommy made his way to the door. Tommy turned his eyes back at Tubbo for a second before he walked into the hallway and towards the elevator.

Secretly, they both blamed themselves. 

~~~~

When Tommy walked out of the hospital, it had gotten much colder. It wasn’t below freezing yet, but it was still pretty damn cold. Thankfully, Tommy was wearing that black jacket that his parents gave him just before he left home. 

Even then, Tommy felt the need to take a walk to clear his mind of everything that just happened in the past few hours. Tubbo was angry at him. Techno and Wilbur must have been worried sick. At this point, Phil must have gotten involved too. 

Tommy didn’t even want to think about it. This was his own undoing after all. 

Tommy looked up at the darkening violet sky, small clouds billowing from his mouth in the crisp air. He noticed some faint specks in the sky, slightly deafened by the glow of the streetlamps and neon signs. It was lonely, but somewhat therapeutic in a way. 

He should probably call himself an Uber or at least let Wil or Techno know where he was. They would be mad, but it was better than thinking he got kidnapped or something. Or maybe they rightfully assumed he was heading to the hospital. Tommy didn’t know. 

Looking down at the gray sidewalk below, Tommy noticed the pavement glowing, casting shadows much larger than himself. Turning his head, Tommy spotted a familiar-looking car headed towards him, the bright headlights staring him down. Tommy lowered his gaze and sighed heavily, letting the car catch up with him before coming to a halt. 

“Tommy? What the fuck are you doing out here?” A familiar voice called out. Phil. Yeah, definitely Phil.

Tommy exhaled, his breath forming a faint mist in the frigid air, his teeth chattering just a little from anxiety and cold. There was no escaping this now. Surely Phil already knew about all of this. 

“Please come inside.” Phil called out. “It’s much warmer in here.”

As usual, Phil was right. It was only the middle of November, but holy hell it was cold. 

Defeated, Tommy opened the back door of the car and crawled in next to Wilbur. Techno was sitting in the front seat with Phil, looking back to make sure Tommy was safely inside the car before taking off. Everyone’s eyes looked bloodshot and swollen with tears. Not as much as they were a week ago, but it was still upsetting to see everyone like this. 

For a few brief moments, the car ride home was dead silent. Normally Tommy would start up a friendly chat to brighten up the mood, but he- didn’t feel like talking. Tommy felt like nothing he said would be fitting, so he kept quiet.

Finally, Wilbur found the courage to break the silence.

“Tommy, what the fuck? We were so fucking worried about you. You can’t just run off like that.”

“When you walked out like that and you didn’t come back, I thought something bad happened to you.” Techno said, turning his head to look at Tommy. 

“I had a feeling I would find you near the hospital.” Phil added. “Wil and Techno seemed pretty worried when they called me. I told Kristin to stay behind in case you went back home.”

“I’m so sorry I worried you guys.” Tommy finally sobbed in response. “I just- I just really wanted to see Tubbo. That’s all.”

“Just please tell us next time you do something like that, alright?” Wilbur spoke, his voice breaking as he clung tightly onto Tommy. 

Tommy nodded in response before placing his head on Wilbur’s chest. 

“So, how was Tubbo doing?” Phil asked, changing the subject.

Tommy was silent. 

“Yeah...” Phil broke the awkwardness. “He’s probably really upset that he…well…”

“Yeah, he was.” Tommy raised his head from Wilbur’s jacket slightly.

“It’s alright, Tommy.” Technoblade tried to reassure him. “I’m sure he’s just upset with everything going on right now. When he starts to recover from this, I’m sure he’ll thank you a lot.”

“How do you know, Blade?” Tommy snapped back. “It’s not like you’ve been in the same situation, have you?”

Techno looked away uncomfortably. Phil placed a hand on Techno’s forearm, still focusing on the road while doing his best to relax Techno. 

"I understand, Tommy.” Wilbur piped in, casting Tommy's attention elsewhere. “This situation isn't... favorable. But he's in a safe place. They won’t let anything happen to him. They’ll do their best to help Tubbo."

Tommy just held onto Wilbur as tight as he could, his head sinking back into WIlbur’s jacket once again. 

By the time they got home, nearly everyone was asleep. Tommy and Wilbur were stuck in an embrace, Tommy’s face still buried in Wilbur's chest. Techno’s head drooped by the window, his breath forming a cloudy coating on the glass. 

Phil looked at everyone in the car and smiled sadly. Despite everything, he was glad to have them together again.

~~~~

Visiting hours were over, finally. 

His parents were still at the hospital, sleeping next to each other in those plastic chairs, exhausted. They were finally going to go back home tomorrow after Tubbo was transferred, finally able to continue on with their lives to the best of their ability without spending every moment either sleeping, travelling, or by his side in the hospital. 

Tubbo wasn't prepared for tomorrow. In the morning, he was going to be transferred to Chichester Centre across the street. There, Tubbo would really start to begin healing from his attempt, both physically and mentally. 

Tubbo was going to miss this place. The doctors and nurses were very nice and the food wasn’t as bad as he thought. But fuck, he was going to miss the company of his friends and family. Although everyone seemed to be pretty cautious around him, he really was going to miss them.

Tubbo had seen several family members come by while he was there. Everyone seemed so devastated by everything, especially Lani. Her older brother was the reason why she started streaming in the first place. In some strange way, Tubbo saw something of Tommy in Lani, including the way she coped with Tubbo’s attempt.

Tubbo looked to the table on his left. There was a book he barely touched, a few odd papers sticking out. Tubbo could faintly recall Wilbur showing him some fanart he printed out before slipping the pictures into the scrapbook. Tubbo thought it was a dream at first, but the more he came back to his senses, he realized it must have actually happened. 

Maybe it’s about time he opened that book. 

Either Wilbur or Phil gave it to him. It seemed like a pretty modest gift. It wasn’t something that would be too flashy or expensive but it would come to good use somewhere down the road. 

On the first page, Tubbo noticed a photo taped to the inside, probably taken on Wilbur’s old polaroid camera. It showed Phil, Techno, Wilbur and Tommy holding the very book Tubbo was reading. They all looked worn out, but they all were smiling anyway. Kristin must have taken the photo. 

Tubbo could see four little messages around the photo, almost like ones seen in a yearbook. Tubbo skimmed through them, his eyes beginning to tear up as he read the messages.

We'll be here for you mate, no matter what happens. I know everything sucks right now but we love you and we'll be by your side through this whole thing and beyond- Phil.

We wanted to get this book for you so you could write or draw or scrapbook or whatever you decided to do with it. We'll take it one day at a time, but it only gets better from here. We love you Tubbo- Wilbur

I can't say I expected to be in England this early but hey, I'm here now :) We all love you Tubbo and you mean so much to all of us- The Blade.

Love you, Tubs. I just wanted to remind you how important you are to me and everyone and that we aren't going anywhere anytime soon. I'm gonna be by your side for the whole journey- love from Tommy.

Tubbo pulled out one of the papers from the book. It was a drawing of him in a striped sweater and blue overalls hugging a bee, making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Even during his darkest hour, there would be people devoted to him, no matter what. 

The brief feeling of acceptance was quickly replaced with guilt. He’d pushed away the person who saved his life. He’d pushed away all his friends and family members and now he was going to be put in a strange place with new people. All of this because of his own stupidity. 

If only he wasn’t such an asshole to Tommy.

Chapter Text

Nihachu:

good morning wilbur

any updates on tubbo

WilburSoot:

I got a text from his parents

they just moved him to the psych ward this morning

he’ll be in there until he’s stable enough to go home

were still looking out for each other here

just taking this one day at a time

Nihachu:

awwwww 

tell tommy that were thinking of him and tubbo

Fundy:

same

wishing him a speedy recovery

JackManifoldTV:

thats good 

both me and scott were really worried when you told us 

im glad hes going much better 

Eret:

me and ela are thinking about him

im sorry you had to deal with this situation

also dont forget to take care of yourself! 

your health is just as important as tubbos <3

Nihachu:

I agree with eret 

Make sure everyones taking care of themselves 

WilburSoot:

thank you guys 

im sure tubbo would appreciate it

tommy too

Ph1LzA:

i’ll always be there for you wil

WilburSoot:

phil 

we literally live in the same city

i see you every day lol

Ph1LzA:

doesnt mean i cant text you mate :D 

Wilbur smiled before his phone flopped back onto his chest, exhaling heavily on the couch. 

God, he missed talking to all of his friends from the SMP. Since it ended a few months ago, so much has happened. Well, other than this. It was nice to finally catch up with them. The first time they really spoke to each other as a server since the SMP ended was the evening after Tubbo's attempt. Since then, Wilbur had constantly been updating the server on Tubbo’s condition whenever he could. 

As he soon learned, Tommy wasn’t the only person Tubbo contacted before he made his attempt. 

Tubbo had sent a message to all the other people on the server as well. Nothing too out of place or suspicious, other than the fact it was sent very late at night and nobody really talked on that server much anymore. When Wilbur finally read Tubbo's message at the hospital, his heart shattered. 

thank you guys so much for everything

im so thankful i got to be in the best server 

with the best people in the world

you are all great gamers

but you are even better friends 

i can’t wait to see what you guys do in the future

Even the replies were heartbreaking. It was either people taking the complement or worried about him because it was so late at night. Wilbur could barely look at the other replies, but he had to update everyone on what happened to Tubbo.  

i hate to tell you guys this but

tubbo tried to kill himself last night

all of us are really worried about him

hes in the hospital rn

its gonna be a long recovery 

hell have to stay in the hospital for a while

dw ill keep you guys updated

Wilbur noticed replies from everyone on the server, even from those who weren’t often active. Everyone was so sympathetic and supportful. They were all thinking of Tubbo and vowed to stick with him along the way to recovery. No one asked for details on Tubbo or the situation, they only wished him well, and Wilbur couldn’t look at their messages without crying. 

Wilbur had also been in Tubbo’s hospital room. Seeing Tubbo so weak and confused in that hospital bed made something inside of him twist. Between Tubbo’s current state, his guilt and the exhausted feeling that carried from that wild night, he let himself break down and cry for the first time in a while. 

Thankfully, things had improved since then. 

Wilbur just laid there on the couch, trying to collect his thoughts. He knew the psych ward was nothing like how they were shown in the movies, but he couldn’t stop himself from worrying. Tubbo was by himself, far away from his friends and family and surrounded by strangers after what was undoubtedly the most traumatic event of his life.

Still, Wilbur had to remind himself that Tubbo was safe. His parents made the right choice by sending him there. If they didn’t, he might have been at more of a risk of doing something like this again and succeeding this time. He needed help, better help than they could give him. 

Wilbur turned his head to the side. He noticed Techno was on the other couch, slumped over the keyboard of his laptop, probably in the middle of writing a script for a short video to update his followers on his new location. Jet lag must have caught up with him. San Francisco had a completely different time zone than Brighton, so it would take Techno a while to adjust. 

Wilbur made his way over to him, removing his glasses so they wouldn't get broken. He closed his laptop and plugged it in, placing it next to him on the table along with his glasses. He gently shifted Techno onto his side, his body instantly melting onto the soft couch. Wilbur draped him with a comfortable blanket before ruffling his hair a bit and letting him sleep.  

There was no doubt in Wilbur’s mind that he needed this.

Wilbur walked back to the couch before he heard some faint crying coming from the other room. Instantly, he recognized Tommy's voice. Wilbur slowly walked into the room, careful not to disturb him like he did yesterday. 

God knows they didn’t need to repeat yesterday. 

It was pretty late in the morning, but the thick curtains kept Tommy’s room dark. In the dim light, Wilbur noticed a figure on the mattress, curled up and surrounded by blankets of every color. Tommy’s back was facing Wilbur as he sobbed messily into the blankets around him. 

Wilbur didn’t say a thing. He didn’t want Tommy to run off again. 

Instead, he kneeled down towards the ground and rolled up next to him, holding him so tight as a way to comfort himself as well as Tommy. Tommy didn’t even try to fight it. Instead, he shifted around to embrace Wilbur, burying his head into his shirt. 

Wilbur would do it over again in a heartbeat.

~~~~

When Tommy woke up, he still felt tired. 

He sluggishly poked his head out from under the mountain of blankets, clocking Wilbur’s sleeping body in the dim light. He must have fallen asleep still cuddled up to Tommy, arms still thrown over his waist, pulling the younger man close. Tommy didn’t remember falling asleep in Wilbur’s arms. Between already being sleep-deprived and the emotional stress weighing down on him, Wilbur’s embrace was finally enough to calm him down for a bit. 

Everyone else must have already been awake. Tommy’s anxiety and racing mind had kept him up long past midnight, and had apparently kept Wilbur up too given that he was still passed out. Since getting into a fight with Tubbo yesterday, Tommy hadn't been able to relax. Sure, he fell asleep on the way home, but that was more due to pure exhaustion than any conscious attempt to sleep.

Tommy turned on his phone, the artificial light hitting his eyes. He groaned quietly, squinting.

Looking through the notifications, he found that the Dream SMP Discord server was active once more. He came across a few messages mentioning him and Tubbo, so someone must have told them about Tubbo’s improving condition. Everyone who was on the server left a few messages of encouragement, making Tommy a bit more relaxed.

That feeling quickly dissipated, however, as he remembered his inability to visit Tubbo. He had been transferred to the mental health ward that day.

His family must have felt incomplete without him. His parents must have taken the hardest hit from this, seeing him at his lowest point just hours after the attempt.  Lani must be crushed that she won't be able to see her brother for a while. Teagan must have been devastated as well.

Tommy started to tear up at the thought. He couldn’t stand if he lost someone so close to him. They had all had too many injuries to count, mostly as a result of idiotic decisions, but encounters with death weren’t something he had experienced firsthand before, nor had any of his friends. Not like this, at least.

He needed to call Lani. He needed to make sure she was alright. 

Tommy quickly called her, hearing the phone ring a few times before picking up. Already, Tommy could hear Lani sniffling. 

“Hey Lani.” Tommy rubbed his eyes a bit, still trying to adjust to the light, although Discord’s dark mode made it easier. 

“Hello, Tommy…” A soft voice cut through the silence on the other end. “It’s nice to hear from you again.”

“You alright?” Tommy asked. “I figured you would be upset.” 

“Well, I do miss him.” Her voice was thick with tears. “He was a bit moody before they transferred him. But he’s there now, so I guess he’s alright.”

“I get that.” Tommy murmured. “When I saw him yesterday, he seemed pretty agitated. It might have been my fault.”

“How is this your fault, Tommy?” Lani remarked. “You saved my brother’s life. I couldn’t be more grateful.”

“I just-” Tommy stammered a bit, reluctant to tell her about the argument. “I didn’t like seeing him like that.” 

“I felt the same way.” Lani said with remorse. “He just- he didn’t look like my brother. He looked like an stranger in that bed and I-” 

“You couldn’t bear to see him like that.” Tommy filled in. 

“Yeah, I was freaking out.” Lani admitted, her voice still a bit shaky. “When I heard that voicemail, you seemed so heartbroken. I can’t even begin to imagine how terrifying that must have been for you.” 

Shit, she heard the voicemail as well?

“I was… very scared as well.” Tommy faltered, trying to find the right words. “I was afraid I was going to lose him. I’m sure you must have felt the same way. You know, with him being your brother and stuff…”

Lani hummed softly.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about your family.” Tommy continued. “Everyone else must have been shocked.”

“Yeah, they were.” Lani affirmed. “Teagan and my parents were worried, but I didn’t think they were worried in the same way as I was if that makes any sense.”

“Yeah, I’ve felt that way about Wil and Techno.” Tommy looked over at Wilbur for a second, still sound asleep on the mattress. “I know they are trying to cope with this in their own ways but… It's hard to explain.” 

"I'm just glad you understand." Lani’s voice was sincere and tender. “That morning was the most horrifying experience of my life. I wasn’t sure he was going to make it.” 

Tommy hummed. 

"I'm glad you picked up.” Tommy spoke genuinely. “You don't know how much I need this right now."

"Tommy, no matter what happens, I'm glad you're here to support me.” Lani sniffled. “I’ll need some more of that in the future." 

"Lani, I'm always here to help you.” Tommy promised. “Anytime you want to speak to me, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Tommy." Lani nodded. 

Tommy could hear a door being opened, a subtle creaking noise echoing in the call.

"Lani, it's time for dinner!" He heard someone announce. 

"Alright, alright. I'll be on my way. Just a sec, Teagan." Tommy could hear Lani's reply further away from him. 

Fuck, how long had Tommy been asleep?

"Well, it looks like it's time for me to go.” Lani turned to Tommy. “I guess we'll talk sometime later?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a good plan." Tommy smiled weakly.

“And Tommy?” 

“Yes?” 

“Thank you again for saving my brother’s life.” Lani’s voice was just as soft as it was when she first got on the call.

Tommy flushed red, but didn’t say anything.

"Alright, I'll see you later." Lani quickly spoke before she ended the call. 

Tommy breathed out. God, he missed talking to her. Normally it was under Tubbo’s supervision, but sometimes she would call on her own if she wanted to talk to him. From the sounds of it, he would be getting more of those calls, something that he would be okay with. 

Tommy closed his eyes again, crawling up next to Wilbur once more. The comforting darkness was impaled by a bright light, forcing Tommy to open his eyes once more. He noticed the door to the room open, someone standing in the doorway. From the shine of his glasses and his long hair, he knew it was Technoblade. 

“Hey, you're finally awake.” A husky voice spoke.

Tommy groaned softly, his head sinking back into the blankets. He didn’t want to be awake. 

“You hungry?” Techno asked with a smile. “Kristin made this nice casserole while you were asleep and dropped it off. I'm heating it up if you want some.”

Now that he was thinking about it, he was hungry.

Tommy turned his head over to Wilbur. Tommy’s place was replaced by a large blanket, mumbling something both of them couldn’t decode. Deciding to let him rest, Tommy rose from the mattress and walked towards the light. 

There was no doubt that everyone was beginning to heal.

Chapter Text

"Tommy, the house is on fire!"

Tommy awoke suddenly, startled and groggy, to the smell of smoke and sound of someone screaming for him. The smoke detector was blaring like crazy, and it's loud sound made his head ache. Scrambling from his bed, Tommy forced himself out of his room and down the hallway. He stumbled clumsily into the kitchen, his mind still foggy from sleep. 

"Wil! Techno! Where are-" He screamed out before grasping the situation.

There was smoke, but there wasn't any fire. Techno was staring angrily at the stove as he switched the buttons off. There was a plate of burnt pancakes on the table. Tommy knew he'd been tricked when he heard Wilbur laughing his ass off, pounding his hand on the counter. Tommy wasn't amused by Wilbur's stupid prank. 

“You should have seen the look on your face.” Wilbur barked out. “It's priceless."

"You tricked me, you asshole." Tommy looked away in anger, his face red and fuming.

"Oh, little bitch boy." Wilbur continued to taunt Tommy. "What are you going to do? Cry about it?" 

"Wilbur, stop it." Techno commanded but the duo didn’t listen. They kept throwing verbal stabs at each other, in both a playful and spiteful manner.

"Maybe you deserve it for sleeping in late, dumb bastard." 

"I wish you were actually on fire, fucker." 

"Both of you, stop it." Techno firmly ordered, slamming his fist on the table. 

Tommy and Wilbur looked at him, completely taken aback by Techno’s sudden outburst of anger. Techno would get annoyed, but he rarely got angry. He looked away for a second, taking a few steps back and breathed. 

“Now, eat your pancakes.” Techno ordered, his angry tone shifting into typical annoyance. 

Tommy looked down at the plate. The pancakes weren’t completely burnt, but the edges looked like they had been turned to ash. Instantly, he felt something in his stomach twist. He didn’t feel sick, but he didn’t feel like eating either. 

It wasn’t due to Wilbur’s stupid prank or Techno’s bad cooking. He just didn’t want to eat. 

He took one from the sloppy pile, not wanting to be rude to Techno. 

Tommy prodded at the pancake with his plastic fork, watching as the steam fogged the clear plastic. He sipped a little on the plastic cup of apple juice, tasting a little sweeter than normal. He laid his head on the counter, propped up by his tired arms. 

It was a while until someone said something.

“Tommy, why aren’t you eating?” Tommy looked up, seeing Wilbur’s face bent in concern.

“Not hungry.” Tommy muttered into his arms. “Just leave me alone.”

Without another word, Tommy made his way from the counter and towards the comforting darkness of his room. He still left the half-burnt pancake on the counter, almost untouched other than a few holes his fork made. 

“You know, I’m worried about him.” Wilbur announced, still looking down at his plate. 

“I’m worried as well.” Techno sighed, turning away from the pan he was washing.

“Should we… go talk to him about it?” Wilbur looked over at Techno, shooting a look of worry.

“Wilbur, let me talk to him.” Techno softly placed his hand on Wilbur’s shoulder. “I think I know how to help.”

Wilbur gave a worn smile. “I trust you, Blade.”

Techno returned his compliment with a simple smile as he walked towards Tommy’s office. He noticed Tommy lying face up on the mattress, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. 

“Tommy?” Techno spoke, snapping Tommy out of his reverie. 

“Oh, hi Techno.” Tommy sheepishly responded, hardly moving. 

“Hey, could we talk for a bit?” Techno asked, his voice softer than normal. 

“I guess so.” He muttered in a dull voice, sitting up from where he laid.

Techno turned on the lights, making Tommy flinch. Right away, Techno noticed a few familiar things about the room. The beloved picture of Queen Elizabeth that Tommy still kept around. Figurines from a scummy company that just announced bankruptcy a month ago. A few scattered polaroids plastered on the walls with clear filmy tape. It was all there. 

Techno walked closer, placing himself next to Tommy on the mattress, moving a mass of smelly blankets so he could sit next to him. In the bright light, Techno could see Tommy’s clear blue eyes gleaming with sorrow. 

“Tommy, I know you’re upset about what happened with Tubbo.” Techno placed a creased hand on Tommy’s leg, moving his thumb in a comforting manner. 

Tommy nodded, looking away with remorse, tears beginning to fall. 

"I know you're worried about him.” Techno continued to look at Tommy. “I am, too.”

“Well, yeah.” Tommy said as he mopped away the tears with the sleeves of his sweater. “He’s my best friend.” 

“Yeah, I knew you would be hardest hit out of all of us.” Techno lowered his head for a moment. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this by yourself.”

“It's alright.” Tommy responded robotically, mumbling into his sweater. 

“It really isn’t.” Techno’s voice was still calm, but an underlying sense of frustration persisted. “Tubbo almost died, Tommy. It’s okay to be upset in this situation. This isn’t something you can just get over in a week. It’s only been a week.”

Tommy couldn’t find something to respond with. Nothing but a grotesque sobbing noise as he leaned into Techno’s baggy plaid shirt.

“I-I’ve been hit pretty hard by this as well.” Techno responded, stroking the young man's golden hair. “Not only is he one of our best friends, he tried to take his own life. I didn’t want him to go through this. Not the same way that I-”

Techno stopped himself. Did he really just say that out loud? 

“You’ve… been through this before?” Tommy looked up at the older man, his eyes wide with tears.

“Yeah, I-I’ve never actually told you, have I?” Techno exhaled painfully, running his fingers through his hair, his normally serious eyes beginning to water. "It was…a long time ago, but I’m doing much better now. Phil’s the only one who I’ve told so far and I-”

Technoblade was cut off by a warm embrace. 

“You don't have to explain if you don't want to.” Tommy looked up at Techno, who was already starting to tear up. “I understand.”

The room stayed silent for a while, Techno and Tommy continuing to hold each other close. Techno could faintly hear running water through the thin walls, so Wilbur must have been washing the dishes. 

“So, you thinking about calling Tubbo sometime this afternoon?” Techno finally spoke, voice thick with tears, Tommy looking up at him in response. He knew Techno was trying to change the subject. 

“I’m not sure.” Tommy was hesitant. “Do you think he’s still mad at me?”

“I’m sure that would be one of the last things on his mind right now.” Techno replied softly, still stroking Tommy’s scruffy hair. “I’d think he would love to hear from you.”

Tommy turned his gaze away from Techno’s face, still looking guilty. “I’m sure he would.”

Tommy just hoped Techno was right.

~~~~

It was about time for Tommy to at least try to relax a bit. 

Techno finally convinced Tommy to come out of his room to watch a movie. It was a pretty standard animated children’s film from twenty or so years ago, so everyone grew up watching it. Something that would be comforting, especially with the small bit of information Tommy just learned. 

Had Techno tried to kill himself before and never told him? And Phil knew about it the whole time? Tommy understood why Techno never told him, but he couldn’t help but to feel betrayed. Guilt swum in his stomach for those emotions.

Wilbur and Techno were sleeping right next to each other, each of them taking up half of the couch. Tommy laid on the other couch, staring at the rolling credits that always took too long to finish. Tommy turned off the TV, leaving him alone with the sound of soft snoring and a ding from his phone. 

It was a notification from the Dream SMP server.

GeorgeNotFound:

yeah

i was making plans to meet up with Tommy 

sometime after the holiday season

so sap and dream could come with me

Quackity:

that sounds like a pretty good plan

i would like to see tommy and tubbo again one day

He was on the server now so he might as well leave a message while he’s at it. Sure, it wasn’t in all caps like how he normally typed, but it still got the point across. 

TommyInnit:

hello guys

hows it going

its been a while since we last talked

Instantly, he got a response.

KarlJacobs:  

hello tommy!!!!!!!!!!!

we’ve been thinking about you

BadBoyHalo:

im so sorry to hear what happened 

Ive been thinking about you <3 

Both me and rat :D

Antfrost:

I hope things get better over there!

me and velvet have been thinking about you <3

Sapnap:

You have been on our minds

im sorry for what happened to you and Tubbo

Dream:

If you need support you know im always here :)

And so are the rest of us

TommyInnit:

thank you guys for the support

im v thankful to have people like you to lean on

Tommy breathed out. He was glad to have people who were willing to support him. 

Maybe while he’s at it, he could call Tubbo. He needed to hear the support more than he did. After all, he was the one who almost died. 

Quickly, Tommy went into his contacts. He found the number for the psych ward and called it. After a few rings, someone picked up.

“Hello, you’ve reached the front desk of Chichester Centre.” The receptionist spoke. “How may I serve you today?” 

“Can I talk to Tobias Smith please?” Tommy asked frantically.

“Yeah, just a sec.” The same voice replied. 

The call went silent for a few seconds. Tommy waited anxiously for someone to respond. 

“Hello?” 

A soft voice responded, hardly sounding like the friend he knew. Tommy felt something inside of him burn with excitement. After all, he hadn’t heard his friend’s voice in days. 

“Tubbo?” Tommy chirped eagerly. 

"Oh, hey Tommy." Tubbo responded nonchalantly. 

“How’s it been?” Tommy started. “I’m sorry I haven’t called you-.”

“No, I should be the one to apologize.” Tubbo spoke sincerely. “I shouldn’t have let you go through this. You and my family and your-” 

"Hey, it’s alright.” Tommy reassured him. "What you’re dealing with isn’t something you can handle by yourself. Sometimes you need a little help. That’s why I’m here. I’m not leaving your side, I’m even gonna come visit if I can.” 

Tommy placed the phone on his chest, watching it rise and fall like ocean waves.

"Your family still misses you, you know." 

"Yeah, I know. They've told me."

"And all our friends."

"You've told them?"

"No, Wilbur did. Everyone in our old server knows."

Tubbo sighed. "I should have known Wilbur would tell them. Do any of our fans know?"

"Wilbur took care of it.” Tommy tried to explain to the best of his abilities. "All they know is that you won't be streaming for a while."

"That's good. I feel like they don't need to know anything else." Tubbo muttered, Tommy silently nodding on the other end in approval. 

The call was silent for a moment. He heard another voice, this one whispering something he couldn’t pick up. He heard Tubbo whisper back to her before turning his attention back to the call.

“I’d have to let you go now.” Tubbo reported. “It’s almost dinnertime. I think we’re having hot dogs today!” 

“Wow, you really are turning American, aren’t ya?” Tommy teased lightly. 

Tubbo scoffed. “Says the Hamilton fan.” 

“You’re speaking to the wrong guy, Tubbo.” Tommy countered back, Tubbo giggling on the other end. 

“Maybe we can talk again tomorrow sometime?” Tubbo asked, Tommy noticing his voice sounding more upbeat. 

“That sounds good." Tommy chirped before his tone changed slightly. "And Toby?”

“Yeah, Toms?” Tubbo responded quickly to his name.

“If you ever do something like that to me again, I will fucking kill you.” Tommy sounded serious. Dead serious.

“Oh, Tommy.” Tubbo chuckled slightly, fear lacing his voice. “You shouldn’t be saying that to someone in a psych ward.”

“You’re a dumbass, Tubbo.” Tommy breathed out and smiled.

“I know.” Tubbo smiled back. “And so are you.” 

“Alright, I’ll see you soon.” Tommy grinned as he spoke.

“Buh-bye.” Tubbo spoke, his voice sounding slightly childish. 

The call ended, leaving Tommy alone in silence.

For the first time in a while, Tommy truly smiled. His heart fluttered with delight when he heard Tubbos' voice. Not laced with sadness, anger or medication, but instead with a budding emotion of happiness. It wasn’t anywhere close to what it was a year ago, but Tommy knew that he was on his way to being there.  

Tommy would do everything to have Tubbo back to his old self again. 

Chapter Text

Grief affects people differently. 

Lani coped by talking with Tommy multiple times a day, trying to distract herself from her brother’s absence. Teagan typically stayed in her room, reading books to occupy the Tubbo-shaped hole in her heart. Tubbo’s parents kept a close eye on their daughters, worried that they would let another child slip though their grasp. 

Tubbo wasn't dead, but sometimes it felt like it.

Too many emotions were bouncing through that house, ready to come and hit Tommy in the face at any moment. Tommy had no idea what to expect when he rang the doorbell. 

Tommy was holding a large brown paper bag in his hands, slightly soggy from the misty rain. Whatever was inside smelled so good and he was tempted to take a bite. If there wasn’t food at Phil’s house and everyone wasn’t waiting on him, he might have done it. 

Tommy looked down at the concrete, waiting for someone to open the door. He might as well have a look around. He hadn’t been to Tubbo’s house in a few months, but not a lot had changed. 

There was a little red bowl to the side, full of rainwater and rusted from exposure. It hadn’t been touched since Rocky died. Rocky was a pretty old cat by the time Tommy met him, so it came as no surprise that he passed peacefully in his sleep. If it wasn’t three days after Ranboo’s last stream, maybe Tommy wouldn’t be tearing up over a stupid dead cat. 

Tommy looked towards the lilac bushes that brushed next to the house. They always bloomed so nicely during springtime, showing off their hues of pink, purple and white. Tubbo always loved how they smelled and would watch as the bees bustled around the flowers. There weren’t any flowers on the branches anymore, but Tommy looked forward to seeing them bloom again in the spring.  

Suddenly, the door squeaked open and Tommy looked up into the icy blue eyes of a middle-aged woman. She looked so much like Tubbo, only she had long hair and sleek-looking glasses. From that tired smile and constant bags under her eyes, Tommy knew this was Tubbo’s mum.

"Tommy, it's nice to see you." Tubbo’s mum welcomed him elegantly. “What are you doing here so early?”

It was only around ten in the morning, but Phil and Kristin had been cooking since very early in the morning. It was an activity the both of them enjoyed, especially in stressful situations. Tommy had never really celebrated thanksgiving before, but Tommy could only assume that it was going to be a festive day that he would enjoy.

“Phil and Kristin asked me to give this to you.” Tommy spoke as he handed the woman the bag. “It’s some food for your family during this time.” 

“Thank you, Tommy.” The older woman smiled. “You’re pretty handy to have around.” 

Tommy flushed red by the complement. “You-you’re welcome.”

“So, how’s everyone doing your way?” Tubbo’s mum asked courteously. 

“We’re doing alright.” Tommy replied. “I’m mostly worried about your family at this moment. This must be a really hard thing to deal with.” 

“You’re right, it’s hard.” The woman admitted. “We’re trying to deal with everything to the best of our abilities. But I was thinking about something.”

“Yes?” 

“Do you want to come visit Toby one day?” 

Tommy’s heart thumped. Just the thought of seeing Tubbo made him excited.

“Heck yeah.” Tommy responded, trying to hold back his swearing.

“Alright, we’ll try and schedule an appointment to meet him sometime.” Mrs. Smith informed him. “We’ll let you know when and we’ll drive you there.” 

“That sounds really nice.” Tommy beamed. “Thank you, Mrs. Smith.”

"Oh, and I almost forgot." The woman gasped, running over to a table as she left the door ajar. "Toby made something for you. He gave it to us when we came to visit him a couple days ago."

The woman gave the younger man a piece of folded paper, which Tommy shakily accepted. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Smith.” Tommy grinned sheepishly without even looking at the paper. 

“Oh, no problem, Tommy.” Tubbo’s mum replied kindly, giving a gentle wave. “I hope you have a good day.”

“You too.” Tommy nodded apprehensively as the door closed. 

Placing the folded paper in the pocket of the green dinosaur hoodie Tubbo gave to him, Tommy bolted back to the parked car. Given Tommy’s chaotic personality (among other things), Phil normally didn’t lend Tommy the keys, so Wilbur was driving instead. He just sat there, scrolling through his phone until Tommy finally climbed into the passenger seat. 

As Wilbur started the car, Tommy unfolded the paper. 

It was a drawing of a bee inside of a purple flower, drawn in a cartoony style with comically large eyes. The bee was wearing a small bow tie around his neck and a large tophat. Tubbo’s signature was at the top, along with someone else known as Finley, who must have been someone Tubbo met at the psych ward.

Tommy never really saw Tubbo draw a lot. When he did, it was only for quick games on the computer and his art wasn’t very good. But this was much better than he expected. Perhaps he was learning more than just how to cope with his own emotions.

Either way, it made Tommy gleam with joy. 

~~~~

Tommy was tired, but he couldn’t sleep. 

It was late at night and Tommy was lying on Phil’s couch, still exhaustedly awake. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t fall asleep. He just kept tossing and turning, doing whatever he could to get at least a few hours of shuteye. But no matter what, he couldn’t rest. 

Something was keeping Tommy up but he wasn’t quite sure what it was. 

Maybe there was a spice in one of the pies that made his stomach clench. Maybe it was stress that was still coming from all directions, although it was much more manageable than before. It didn’t help that he completely crashed onto Phil’s couch soon after the feast was over. But from the looks of it, he wasn’t the only one who did.

Tommy watched Wilbur, sound asleep on the floor right in front of him. Not in a space where anyone could trip over him, but he was there nonetheless. Someone had haphazardly thrown a blanket over him and just left him to sleep.

Wilbur was a stubborn weirdo. No one could argue with that.

Tommy turned his head to the side to see Technoblade lying in a recliner, snoring away. His red flannel shirt was unbuttoned at the top as a small trickle of saliva seeped down his stubbled chin. An empty paper plate was perched on his belly, rising and falling with every breath he took. Several green bottles were scattered on the table next to him, empty and reeking of beer. 

That’s when Tommy noticed something that made his insides twist.

Techno’s arm hung limply over the side of the chair, his plaid sleeve rolled up enough for Tommy to see the beginning of a noticeable scar. It was something that could easily be hidden under his flannel shirts without making him look too flashy. Techno never talked about it, so it must have been something he wanted to put behind him. 

Tommy wasn’t quite sure how he got that, but he had his suspicions that he hoped weren’t right. 

Tommy just sat there in the dimly-lit living room, the only light sources from a couple lamps on opposite sides of the room. He breathed softly and closed his eyes, still tired but unable to sleep. Tommy thought he heard some sounds from the kitchen, but he just brushed them off as nothing more than his mind playing tricks on him. 

“Tommy?” A disembodied voice from behind made him jump, too realistic to be a dream.

Tommy noticed a dark figure from the corner of his eye coming closer. Stepping into the light of a lamp, Tommy could make out more of his features. Phil was standing there in his Twitch pajamas, his hair scruffy from tossing and turning all night. He was holding a steaming cup of tea in his hands, careful not to spill any of it. 

“Oh, hey Phil.” Tommy muttered into his hand as it rested on his cheek.

“Tommy, it’s after midnight.” Phil informed Tommy. “What are you doing up?”

“I’m a gamer, Phil.” Tommy reasoned. “Gamers don’t sleep.” 

“No, I’m sure they do.” Phil countered, walking towards the couch. “You should probably go back to sleep. It’s pretty late at night.”

“But Philllllllll-” He whined- quietly. He didn’t want to wake the other two up. 

“Don’t try to argue with me, child.” Phil responded in a fatherly voice, placing his cup on the table.

“I’m not a child anyone, Phil.” Tommy crossed his arms, pouting. “I’m eighteen, which means I'm technically an adult.” 

“Not in my eyes, you aren’t.” Phil grinned, ruffling Tommy's hair as he sat down on the couch.

Tommy was never going to live this down, was he? 

Tommy swept his gaze away from Phil, something boiling in his eyes. With his fatherly powers, Phil sensed that something was wrong with Tommy. It wasn’t as bad as it was when Tubbo was first admitted, but he still seemed troubled.

“You seem upset.” Phil remarked as he sipped his tea. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I’m just feeling angry right now.” Tommy growled.

“Angry?” Phil asked, making Tommy even more irritated.

“At everything!” Tommy snapped. “Tubbo, Ranboo, Techno, you. I’m just really angry right now.” 

“You’re angry at me?” Phil asked worriedly. “What are you angry at me about?”

Where could he begin? Tommy knew this wasn’t an easy subject to bring up. 

“Techno told me something about a week ago.” Tommy started to speak. “Something you never told me about.”

Phil took a deep breath. “Tommy, was it about-”

“His attempt?” Tommy gave a slight nod as he finished. “Yeah, it was.”

“Oh, Tommy.” Phil sighed sorrowfully. “We should have told you before he arrived. I’ve told Wilbur but I never really got to discuss it with you.” 

“Why?” Tommy rebutted, raising his voice. “Because I’m too immature?”

“No, you were going through all this mess and we didn’t want to burden you.” Phil remained calm, trying to explain everything to the best of his abilities. “I really wanted to tell you as soon as we got back from the hospital but we decided to let you rest. I didn’t want to tell you in the car because I didn’t want anyone to feel uneasy.” 

“So, you haven’t told Techno that you told Wilbur?” Tommy asked in a lowered voice. 

“No, but since he was living with you, he had to know.” Phil clarified. “I didn’t want you guys to hurt his feelings without meaning to.” 

Tommy's heart was weighed down by regret. Tommy remembered saying a few things that had made Techno visibly uncomfortable, but Techno must have been too embarrassed to speak up. Tommy never figured out why he was hurt by them, but now he was overcome with remorse. 

“I just don’t understand, Phil.” Tommy's voice was tinged with melancholy and bewilderment. "Why would he do this?"

“I felt the same way when he told me, mate.” Phil looked dejected. “Didn’t help that he was fairly sleep-deprived when he told me that he…” 

Phil went silent, struggling to find the right words to say, his only response being a sigh. Tommy couldn’t help but notice his glance over to the recliner on the other side of the room, where Techno was still fast asleep.

“I’m just glad he’s still here with us.” Phil finally concluded, sniffling a bit. “I…we wouldn’t have met him if he hadn’t survived.” 

Tommy nodded along sleepily before giving out a big yawn. He leaned his head back into Phil’s leg before being pulled up onto his chest. Despite being dead tired, Tommy was still a fighter and tried to resist sleep. But even with his unpredictable and hard-headed personality, he couldn’t resist Phil’s gentle fatherly charm. 

"You tired, mate?" Phil whispered, clutching the visibly tired blond close to his chest. 

"No…I’mma big man…" Tommy’s words slushed together, his heavy eyes struggling to stay open. 

“Yeah, you are.” Phil replied with a honeyed tone, smirking at the semiconscious blond on his chest.

Tommy mumbled nonsensically before reluctantly giving in to Phil's embrace, fighting back with a hug of his own before sinking into deep sleep. All those arguments about being a big man gamer who didn’t need sleep didn’t mean shit when you’re tired. 

Besides, there was just something about Phil that seemed naturally comforting. Sure, he was pretty intimidating in the rare times he got angry, but when push comes to shove, Phil would be there for his boys no matter what.  

It wasn’t that long before Phil slowly drifted off as well, still cradling the sleeping boy in his arms. Tommy still clung to the older man’s body like a koala on a tree, his face still snugly tucked into Phil’s chest. 

Kristin woke up a few hours later and noticed her husband lying on the couch with Tommy wrapped in his arms. Ever so softly, she picked up a soft blanket and placed it over the duo, the soft fabric completely covering Tommy's head. Then she kissed her husband on the cheek and went back to bed. 

They weren’t related, but they were family nonetheless.

Chapter Text

It was December, a normally joyous time in England. 

But for Tubbo’s family, it was a time of dread. Tubbo had just tried to end his own life just a month before, dampening everyone’s spirits. His parents weren’t sure if he was even going to be released for the holidays. They hoped he was, but they would understand if he needed to stay a little while longer. 

Moments after walking into the psych ward, a nurse was waiting for the three of them. Between her straight blonde hair and a cartoon duck-print scrub top, Tommy already felt that his friend was in good hands. She exuded genuine warmth. When she led them to the visitor’s room, Tommy had nothing to do but wait for his friend to come out.

But still, a certain air filled the visitor's room, a distinct smell mixed with the strong presence of antiseptic, cleanliness, and despair. There were three chairs on one side of the room and another chair on the opposite end. Tommy was in one of those chairs, sandwiched between Tubbo's troubled parents, looking at each other with fatigued frowns. 

Lani had told Tommy all about her paranoid parents and how they were affected by Tubbo’s attempt. They had watched over her and Teagan constantly to ensure they did not suffer the same fate as Tubbo did. With Teagan wanting to distance herself from them so she could cope with everything that happened to her brother, her parents grew even more concerned. After all, Tubbo did the same thing months before he attempted. 

As for Tommy, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how his mum and dad must have felt. Tubbo might have been his best friend for as long as he could recall but Tubbo was his parents’ own flesh and blood. It was true that they were paranoid, but Tubbo's attempt wasn't normal. Tubbo was always a sweet and bubbly child and Tommy couldn’t imagine how shocked and devastated they were when they heard the tragic news. 

The silence around them was numbing. 

Eventually, a door cautiously opened. A friendly nurse walked in, holding the back of a brown-haired boy’s wheelchair. Tommy could tell it was Tubbo from the way his parents' faces lit up when he entered the room, yet there was something unsettling about him.

He looked… better?

Tubbo was wearing a simple white gown with two bulky casts on his legs where his feet and legs should be. His hair no longer looked a mess and the dark circles under his eyes had receded. A genuine smile was plastered across his face as he moved his head to face the trio before him. The enderman Techno got him settled on his lap, lying limply. 

As soon as his wheelchair was placed before them, Tubbo’s parents flocked over to him, hugging and kissing him so delicately as to not injure him further. Tommy watched carefully from behind, not wanting to overwhelm Tubbo. He had already been placed in such a strange place and Tommy was still convinced there was some bad blood between them. 

“Hey there, Tobes.” Tubbo's father spoke in a friendly tone. “How are you feeling?” 

“Pretty good.” Tubbo’s smile grew wider. “Marcello has been teaching me how to play card games. He says I'm doing much better than him at it.”

"That sounds interesting." His mum hummed. "I'm glad you're doing better.”

“Yeah, me too.” Tubbo replied shyly before he glanced over at Tommy. “I saw you brought someone.”

Tommy knew this was his cue to step forward. He carefully crept up to Tubbo, still sitting in the chair with a timid smile on his face. Already, Tommy didn't know where to start. The last time they interacted in person was that argument in the hospital two weeks ago. 

The nurse pulled Tubbo’s father to the side and the mum knew she had to follow. If it was about her son, she would go through the ends of the earth to learn about his condition and how much he had improved. 

“Alright, we’ll go talk with the nurse about something real quick.” Tubbo’s mum declared. “We’ll be right back, I promise.” 

Tubbo gave a nod and the trio exited the room. The door closed again and Tommy was left alone with Tubbo. They were safe with all the cameras and such, but Tommy felt slightly uneasy around him, especially right now. He’d seen some of his friends in wheelchairs for having a broken leg, but not two. Tubbo was just lucky that way. 

Tommy guessed a simple hello was as good a place to start as any. 

"Hi Toby." Tommy spoke up, trying to hide his dread behind his trembling voice. "I've missed you."

“Hey....” Tubbo turned away timidly for a moment, holding the enderman tightly. "I missed you."

Tommy coughed uncomfortably. "So, how is it here?" 

"It's alright, but it gets boring pretty quick. There’s only so much to do.'' Tubbo glanced back towards Tommy. "I miss you and Phil and Wil and Techno."

"You know, they've missed you as well.” Tommy chirped, trying to cheer him up. “Can't wait for you to start streaming with us again. That is, if you want to."

Tubbo was silent for a moment.

"Tommy, I don't think I want to stream anymore.” He murmured, looking down at his mangled legs, now fixed in two large casts. “Well, at least for now. I want my legs to heal up a bit before I start streaming again. But at the same time…”

"I understand if you don't want to.” Tommy took hold of Tubbo’s hands, the enderman settling back into his owner’s lap. “I know a few people who decided streaming wasn’t for them. Either way, I'm going to be there, by your side, whether you like it or not."

"Thank you, Tommy.” Tubbo glanced up at his friend. “I couldn't have done this without you." 

“No problem.” Tommy gave a faint smile as he leaned down to Tubbo’s height. “I know you need it right now.”

The duo sat there, looking at each other, a form of mutual trust in their eyes. As long as they had each other, they could take on the world. But for now, they had to take it one day at a time. Tommy vowed to himself he wouldn’t stream until Tubbo got to a better place emotionally and he would do everything he could to make that happen.

"So, what has everyone been up to?" Tubbo interrupted the silence that he had grown too familiar with. 

"Well, none of us have streamed since you were transferred here.” Tommy updated. “Techno uploaded a video a couple days ago, but that was about moving to England. No one knows anything, don't worry."

“How… did everyone else react?” Tubbo cocked his head to the side. “From the SMP and all them.” 

“They’re alright.” Tommy patted his older friend’s shoulder. “Not much has changed. They’re still thinking about you.”

“Mm.” Tommy noticed Tubbo was grabbing the enderman again. “I’m glad you’re still in touch with them.” 

With tired legs from standing so much, Tommy moved a blue chair over next to Tubbo’s wheelchair and sat in it. The two young men looked at each other, both of them flashing a small smile. Tommy placed one of his hands on Tubbo’s arm, trying to comfort him like how Phil would comfort Techno when he was upset. 

“So, what have you been up to?” Tommy sighed contentedly. 

“I’m glad you asked.” Tubbo perked up. “Between the whole therapy and stuff, it’s been something I had to get used to. But I’ve met a lot of people who had a lot of problems just like me.”

“Is that when you learned to draw?” Tommy enquired. 

“Yeah, Finley taught me a lot about art.” Tubbo clarified. “I’m kinda sad he got released a couple days ago, but I’m glad he's in a much better place mentally. I’m on my way to that, I ‘spose.”

“Toby, I promise you will.” Tommy assured his friend. 

“Yeah, I’m still kinda upset that I survived.” Tubbo revealed, holding the enderman tighter to his chest. “I know it’s wrong and you guys miss me but…”  

“Well, I’m still upset that you attempted.” Tommy returned, letting out a sigh. “Things have been so hard without you. I can’t wait for you to come back, even if you don’t go back to streaming.” 

“Yeah, I would like to come back, but I want to sit and think about it for a bit.” Tubbo agreed. 

The room was quiet, but in a peaceful way. There was no anger or spite in the air. It was just calm mixed with sorrow and joy. They could stay like that forever, hand in hand, sitting together in harmony. 

“Tommy, if I’m still here on the sixth, could you please call me?” Tubbo asked softly. “Just so I won't feel so alone that day.” 

“The sixth?” Tommy asked. “Isn’t that the day-” 

“Yes, it is.” Tubbo interrupted. “There isn’t a moment where I don’t think about that day.”

Well, shit. 

Tommy knew it was around early December, but he wasn’t that devoted to remembering the date. Tommy just knew Ranboo didn’t respond for some time. In fact, his only response was that stream a couple months later. He sounded so devastated and devoid of emotion, but that didn’t stop their growing concern for him. 

“Toby, I promise I’ll call you.” Tommy pledged. “If you want, I could get the others and-”

“No, I don’t want to make this day special.” Tubbo stood his ground. “I just want to talk to you, that’s all. I feel you would understand this situation better than anyone else.”

“Yeah… yeah I get that.” Tommy nodded and exhaled. It was the only thing he could do. 

Tommy turned his head to notice the enderman in Tubbo’s arm, his purple eyes staring at him in a belittling manner. Even when Ranboo was gone, there was always something there to remind him, and that toy was no exception. If it wasn’t Tubbo’s stuffed animal he carried with him everywhere, Tommy would have burned it and watched as every piece of cotton turned into ash. 

“You really like that enderman, don’t ya?” Tommy asked, his voice slightly elevated in irritation.

“Yeah, his name’s Little Boo.” Tubbo responded, holding the enderman closer.

"Little Boo?" The name alone made Tommy seethe, his eye twitching in response. 

"Yeah, the enderman you got me.” Tubbo confirmed, still holding Little Boo closer to his face and rubbing his face on it. “He’s helped me a lot.”

It was clear that Tubbo didn’t remember anything from the first few days in the hospital. With the amount of heavy painkillers he was on, he was surprised he was even slightly lucid. Even in his barely conscious state, he still clung to the enderman with a familiar sense of joy. A sense of joy he only got when he was around Ranboo. 

"Tubbo, I didn't get you the enderman.” Tommy corrected. “Techno did."

“Oh, I’ll remember to thank him the next time I see him.” Tubbo smiled widely, his large dimples hiding his gleaming eyes.  

Tommy nodded, looking away with an uncertain look on his face

Inside, Tommy was beginning to brim with hatred for the tall fucker that nearly got his friend killed. Some sick part of him hoped the man was dead because that was the only acceptable excuse for why he had left. Tommy wasn’t sure if Ranboo leaving was the main reason why Tubbo jumped, but he couldn’t find any other reason to believe otherwise. 

But in his cloud of overwhelming rage, there was a tinge of grief that ran through it. Tommy still missed Ranboo and would never stop missing him, but he couldn’t let go of his anger. When Ranboo left, he broke Tubbo’s heart. In a way, he also broke Tubbo’s legs. 

How could Tommy ever forgive him for that?

~~~~

The ride to Tubbo’s house was pretty uneventful but thankfully short. 

Some generic classic rock softly played in the air, many of the songs Tommy knew from recording sessions with Wilbur or on the road with Phil. He found it very soothing, especially after meeting a friend he hadn’t seen in a long time.

Tommy must have drifted off soon after they left the psychiatric hospital. Next thing he knew, he noticed that familiar watertower just a few kilometers before Tubbo’s house. Tommy was still in that weird daze before he realized where he was. He briefly jerked into consciousness after he spotted the creepy house on Williams Street; the house where Tubbo had jumped. 

That house always gave him goosebumps, even before what happened a month ago. Everytime he would walk by, it would creak and moan eerily as if it was a dying animal. Tommy recalled seeing mangled animal carcasses lying on the lawn sometimes, being pecked away by carnivorous birds until there was nothing left but decaying bones.

Tommy closed his eyes and hoped something would happen to that horrid house. He wished it would burn down. He wished an earthquake would destroy it. He wished it would collapse under its own weight. Tommy didn’t care as long as he didn’t have to see it anymore. 

After what felt like mere seconds, Tommy felt the heavy rumble of the car stop and the doors open. Tommy hobbled out of the car, his legs still a bit wobbly from sleep and made his way into the house behind Tubbo’s parents, taking in everything he saw. The house was messy but everyone was too occupied with Tubbo’s condition to care. 

Everyone knew Tubbo was in a better place. Sure, he was still considered mentally unstable and his legs would take a while to heal, but he seemed to be doing… better. Tommy had to keep that in mind. But one thing he needed to focus on now was Tubbo’s sisters, because they needed his support more than ever.  

Tommy wasn’t quite sure where Tubbo’s old room was in his dazed and confused state of mind, but he recalled it being upstairs somewhere. He stumbled up the stairs and through the hallways, tightly gripping the walls and railings until he got to a familiar-looking white door. 

Tubbo moved out of that room roughly two years ago into the extension, which contained a kitchen and his office. His bedroom was in the loft above the office. Instead, his old bedroom was transformed into Lani’s new office where she did streams of her own. Tommy had never been in Lani’s new office before, but he was interested to see what it looked like. 

Stepping through the doorway, he realized the room looked more intriguing than he imagined. There was a desk near the window, a large black screen of a computer facing away from him. Lani was in the gaming chair, her eyes closed with headphones plugged into her phone. Either she was asleep or she was so focused on her music that she didn’t notice Tommy’s presence. 

This gave Tommy enough time to study the room. 

There was a large wooden cabinet, much like the one he had at his old house in Nottingham. It was filled with old memorabilia from all kinds of adventures Lani and her family went on.  A few family photographs in frames. Dozens of tacky souvenirs from various places she had traveled to. A couple of casts from various mishaps that left her with broken bones. 

On the other side of the room were three large bean bags. Half-sitting half-lying on one of the bean bags was Teagan, her head was bent downward like a wilting flower, absorbed in a gray book with a glamorous Victorian woman on the cover. She wasn’t reading- she was asleep. Tommy couldn’t see her face, but he noticed that her dark hair was a mess. 

When Teagan came to visit Tubbo at the hospital, Tommy noticed that she would read books to him, even when her brother was clearly too out of it to follow along. Sometimes Lani would see Teagan by herself late at night, reading under the light of a table lamp. Other times when Lani couldn’t sleep, Teagan would read out loud to help her restless sister sleep. 

Teagan must have taken Tubbo’s attempt about as hard as her parents did. 

Stepping back, Tommy accidently bumped into the cabinet, sending something behind him crashing down. Tommy quietly cursed himself, not trying to disturb anyone. Turning around, he noticed the thing that fell was the scrapbook Wilbur and Phil got Tubbo in the hospital. A couple pieces of paper fell out and Tommy rushed to collect them.

“Tommy, what are you doing here?” A younger voice startled Tommy. 

Tommy turned to the side to see Lani, headphones settled on her shoulders with a confused look on her face. She was wearing a black and white jacket with a large green letter on the dark side and the traitor’s name on the white one. It looked large on Lani’s body, almost more blanket-like than a jacket.  

Tommy packed the loose papers back into the scrapbook without much regard as he looked into the girl’s soft blue eyes. He padded over to her, trying not to wake the other girl in the room. He knew she needed her rest. 

“Sorry, I just thought…” Tommy tried explaining himself in a quiet manner. "I just wanted to check up on you.”

“Did you go see Tubbo?” Lani asked, her wide eyes blinking. 

"Yeah, he's looking much better than he did when I last saw him." Tommy reassured the younger girl. “He’ll be home before you know it.”

Lani smiled and Tommy smiled back. As his eyes drifted across the room, he noticed the mooshroom he gave Tubbo was on Lani’s desk, sitting in a blue stadium cup on top of her monitor just like how Rocky used to. Seeing that spot so empty made his heart sink, especially since Lani was the one who found Rocky’s lifeless body in the first place. 

"Wait, he left the mooshroom I gave him?" Tommy asked, picking up the cup and looking at the bovine inside.

“Yeah, I call her Daisy.” Lani confirmed. “She sits on my desk. I was going to give it back to him whenever he comes back home.”  

“And his scrapbook?” Tommy looked down, the cartoonish looking bee staring up at him. 

"Yeah, he left it with us as well.” Lani revealed. “In fact, the only thing he took was the enderman plush. I've been putting some of his artwork in there." 

Tommy studied a small piece of artwork his friend made that he had yet to put back into the jumbled mess of the scrapbook. It was a few small drawings of animals, most likely devoted to his friends. Two crows for Phil and Kristin, a pig for Technoblade, a cat for Wilbur, a raccoon for Tommy and a sheep for himself. Even when he was in the psych ward, Tubbo was still thinking about them. Sure, it wasn't a masterpiece, but it wasn't that bad either. If anything, Tubbo’s style looked rather cartoonish, but it was much better than anything Tommy could do. 

"Has he always been this good at drawing?" Tommy questioned. 

"I’m not sure.” Lani flipped through the papers of the scrapbook. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him draw before, but since he was admitted it’s basically the only thing he’s done. I think he's really talented."

“Yeah, all of this must have taken a toll on you guys, hasn’t it?” Tommy spoke as he turned towards Lani.

“Ever since our parents came home, they’ve been babying us.” Lani recounted everything she knew to the best of her ability. “It’s kinda annoying, but with Toby's situation, I can see why. When my brother started streaming again a few months ago, I thought that things would get better. Sure, he was sad, but I never thought that things could get this bad. I never thought that he was suicidal.” 

Tommy responded with a hum and a nod.

“He kept on putting on a facade and pretending like this never happened.” Lani was starting to shake with emotion. “Even when we urged him to get help or see a therapist or something, he kept pretending that he was fine to stream when he clearly wasn’t. He kept denying his attempt and it was hard for me to watch him do that.”

Tubbo was always a stubborn character. From the first time they met all those years ago, Tubbo always did his own thing and was caught up in his own little world. If he didn’t like or agree with something, he would tell you so to your face. 

“The night he… attempted, he was acting weirdly calm.” Lani was tearing up at this point, sobbing into the monochrome jacket. “He-he gave me this jacket. Ranboo must have left it behind when he went back home. It was a nice gesture at first, but I never really thought about it at the time. That is, until I woke up that morning and found a note in one of the pockets.” 

Opening the scrapbook, Lani took out a crumpled piece of paper and shakily jammed it into Tommy’s hands. Tommy scanned through it, noticing that Tubbo’s handwriting was sporadic and janky. Tubbo was never big into writing and his dyslexia surely didn’t help, but Tommy noticed the piece of paper had patches where tears had dried. It was like Tubbo was crying as he wrote the note.

To my dear sister Lani, 

I’m sorry I haven’t been around much. A lot has been weighing on my chest in the past year and I feel like this is the only way to let it out. I just wanted to tell you what I'm about to do isn’t your fault. It isn’t Dad’s or Mum’s or Teagan’s or Tommy’s fault either. I just don’t know what else to do anymore. 

Please don't dwell too much on my death. Grieve and move on. That's what I would have wanted. Please don't end up like me. There are better people to look up to. You have Tommy, Wilbur and Phil if you need support with streaming. They’re a lot better than I will ever be. 

I’m sorry for what I’m about to do, but it needs to be done. 

- Your friend and brother, Toby

Tommy felt a deep fury rumble inside of him. If it wasn’t Tommy or the rest of Tubbo’s family that drove him to do this, then it must have been Ranboo. If he ever saw that traitorous motherfucker again, Tommy wouldn’t hesitate to kill him and leave him for the wild animals to eat. 

Tommy glanced back to Lani, trying to conceal his anger under a cover of sorrow. She didn’t need to know about the internal feud that constantly raged inside him. She had demons of her own she had to face and Tommy didn’t want to burden Lani with his own.

“I got so scared when I couldn’t find him anywhere around the house.” Lani looked away fearfully. “I-I ended up having to wake up my parents and they were freaking out as well. When I heard the voicemail you sent, I-I feared for the worse. My parents sent me and Teagan to live with our grandparents for a while and- and...” 

Lani said some other things, but they were so smothered by tears that Tommy couldn’t make any of it out. Ranboo’s jacket was soaked with tears at the sleeves from the times Lani wiped her tears with it. It was not like Ranboo was going to come back and take it away from her. If that happened, Tommy would punch that traitor in the face. 

“Hey, it’s alright to be upset.” Tommy patted Lani on the back. “Truth be told, I’m pretty upset that Tubbo did that as well. I'm not sure if that helps you but-”

Lani hugged back tightly, her eyes squeezed shut and crying. Tommy hugged back, letting her barrel into his chest like he did so many times with the people he lived with. It was gross to feel somebody else’s bodily fluids leak into your shirt, but he could always just wash it. 

After a while, the waterfall of emotions had finally petered out and Lani collapsed into Tommy’s arms out of pure exhaustion. She wasn’t sleepy, just drained from all the bottled up emotions she kept inside for the entire month. 

“Tommy?” Tommy heard a soft voice mumble into his chest. 

“Lani?” Tommy answered back.

“Do you…want to… maybe…stay with us?” Lani managed to puff out, lifting her head from his chest. “Maybe when Tubbo gets released.”

Tommy’s breathing hitched a bit. He didn’t expect Lani to invite him into her house. Besides, he was still in the middle of moving everything around and Technoblade just got there. How would her parents feel about this? How would Wilbur and Phil feel about this as well?

Tommy gave a simple hum, trying to hide his inner turmoil. “I-I’ll think about it.” 

“Yeah…Tubbo needs all the help he can get.” Lani confessed.

“I bet so.” Tommy replied, continuing to hold onto Lani as tight as he could. 

No matter what, he would always be there for Lani.

Chapter Text

Ring Ring

Ring Ring 

“Hello, you’ve reached the front desk of Chichester Centre. How can I help you today?”

“Hey, I’m calling for Toby Smith. Can I speak to him?”

“Alright, just one moment.”

Tommy breathed. 

He knew what day it was. The sixth of December. The day they lost contact with Ranboo. 

Tommy and Tubbo tried to contact him so they could stream together, but no matter what they did, Ranboo never responded. They called and messaged him on Discord, they texted him, they messaged him using every social media he had. But still, he never responded. In fact, that final stream a couple months later was the last time anyone had ever heard from him. 

Tommy was beyond angry. If he ever saw that arrogant, greedy scumbag ever again…

“Hello?” A soft voice broke the silence, somewhat calming Tommy’s nerves. 

“Tubbo, how you doing today, buddy?” Tommy sheepishly asked, still trying to come down from his anger. 

“To be honest, I’m not doing so hot.” Tubbo admitted gloomily, speaking in the same tone he did on the roof of that old house. “You know, it’s... the same day that-” 

“-he left. I know.” Tommy finished, already starting to tear up. “It’s not like I could ever forget.”

“I know it’s been a year, but I still can’t get over it.” Tubbo’s voice started to shake. “It’s just not like him to just stop talking to me without reason. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, it wasn’t your fault.” Tommy reasoned, still trying to come to terms with this all himself. “It couldn’t be your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Things just happened this way. That’s- that’s all.”

“Me and Ranboo…we always talked about our problems together.” Tubbo’s voice was shaking. “Him with his facial dysmorphia and me with my anxiety and… just why? Why didn’t he tell me? I could have understood whatever he was going through.” 

“Toby, I was pretty crushed when he left us as well.” Tommy admitted with a grimace on his face. “I know… Ranboo was one of your best friends, but he was also one of mine.”

“I just hope… wherever he is, he’s happy.” Tubbo sniffled. “Even if that means I’m not part of his life anymore.” 

Something flashed in Tommy’s mind. The argument at the hospital and the hurtful words that were tossed about. Did Tubbo really wish that Ranboo was there instead of him? With the way he acted, it looked like he did. Tubbo might have been in remission, but there was still part of him that was walking on eggshells around him and Tommy wanted to know why. 

"Toby, you remember back in the hospital when we had that argument?” Tommy inquired, his face solemn. “Did you… really mean what you said? Do you really wish Ranboo was here instead of me?"

Tubbo went silent for a few seconds, Tommy frantically trying to pick up any noise from the other end. It was clear that Tubbo didn’t want to answer, but Tommy wouldn’t take silence for an answer.

“Toby?” Tommy asked again.

"No, sorry, I just got really carried away." Tubbo finally opened up. "When you mentioned him, I got really angry and might have said some things I didn’t mean."

“I know.” Tommy confessed. “That must have been my fault for bringing him up.” 

"Tommy, I've known you for much longer than I've known Ranboo.” Tubbo explained, letting his voice trail off. “Sure, I miss him, but I..." 

The suicide note Tubbo left in Ranboo's jacket flooded Tommy's mind. This wasn’t a quick decision he made on a whim. He had planned on it. Ranboo clouded his mind so much that everyone else that really mattered to him was forgotten. 

Tommy desperately screaming until his lungs were sore, unsure if he was already dead or if he was just unconscious from all the pain. Phil and Wilbur rushing to the hospital as soon as they could through hangovers and sleep deprivation. Technoblade pushing himself to move to a different country out of the blue while coming face to face with his own trauma. His family waking up to grief-stricken screaming and voicemails regarding their missing son and brother. 

All because of Ranboo’s arrogance and Tubbo’s blind devotion. 

"Toby, was Ranboo the reason why you jumped?" He finally asked.

Tubbo was completely caught off guard by that question. The answer was obvious, but he didn't know how to respond. Once again, he let himself go silent, but Tommy was just as stubborn as Tubbo was. If Tommy wanted an answer, there would be no stopping him. 

"Tobes? You there?" Tommy half-demanded. 

“Yeah, I-I'm here.” Tubbo stuttered out an answer. “I just… haven’t been able to function without him. I tried and I tried but…it got so hard. I didn’t know what else to do…”

Hearing Tubbo’s voice tremble like that made his heart sink. 

Tommy should have been there for him. Tommy should have known Tubbo was suffering since Ranboo left. Tommy tried to be there for him when he could, but between moving in with Wilbur, streaming every other day and other things life threw his way, Tubbo was sort of pushed to the side for a while. They were in this mess because Tommy was so preoccupied with his own life that he let the warning signs slip by. 

Never again.

“Toby, I promise I’ll never let you feel this way ever again.” Tommy vowed with all of his heart. “I promise I'll do everything I can to help you get over this. I’m here to take care of you now and I’m never letting you go.”

Tubbo, on the other hand, couldn't help but feel guilt. It was normal, but he still felt guilty.

Tubbo didn’t expect to survive. He thought he would die right then and there on the lawn of the old house. Tubbo didn’t particularly believe in fate or God or anything like that, but some force was at play that night and he was angry but weirdly thankful to whatever it was.

Waking up in the hospital with fuzzy memories wasn’t a pleasant feeling and neither was being told that he survived the fall that he hoped would kill him. Seeing all the people he would have left behind was heartbreaking. It didn’t help that his legs were bungled up in bulky casts that hung above his bed like a cheesy medical drama. Learning that he had to stay at the psych ward for God knows how long made him wish he had a heart attack right then and there so he didn’t have to go.

After everything he put everyone through, Tubbo didn’t expect everyone to treat him with kindness, especially Tommy. He almost died on that call with him. On top of that, he also got into a fight with him in the hospital. Yet, he was still fiercely devoted to him. He still bothered to check up on him every day and seemed to be in a good mood every time. 

If he couldn’t have Ranboo, maybe he could have Tommy. 

“And I’ll promise not to scare you like that ever again.” Tubbo promised. “I wasn’t in the right headspace and I didn’t think about how it would affect everyone and…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Tommy comforted Tubbo. “You’re safe now, remember?”

“Yeah, I ‘spose.” Tubbo sniffed. “But what about all our friends? What will they think?”

“We’ll worry about it when we get there.” Tommy reassured his friend. “I’m sure they’ll understand and I’ll be there if you need any help. Alright?”

“Alright.” Tubbo shakily smiled.

They would survive in Ranboo's absence.

~~~~

It was another evening of musical bonding. 

Everyone banded together in Phil and Kristin’s living room to hear Wilbur play some of his favorite songs on the guitar. It was something he was very passionate about and Lovejoy's hiatus didn’t stop Wilbur from enjoying it. Minecraft, writing and comedy were up there, but none of them came close to his affinity for music.

Wilbur finished his song with a strong chord and everyone clapped, drowning out the soft sound of the rain on the rooftops. Wilbur was more than ready to hear that familiar “Wooooo!” that Tommy would call out during or after a song, but Tommy was eerily silent throughout the evening. Wilbur's show seemed unimpressive to him, as if he were in his own little world as he stared at the wall.

“Hey, you alright, Toms?” Wilbur turned his head over to Tommy, jolting him out of his thoughts. “You seem kinda out of it.”

“Yeah, I’m doing fine.” Tommy lied before trying to distract him. “What song are you going to play next?”

“Tommy…” Wilbur began gently before Tommy interrupted him.

“SHE'S ALWAYS ASKING AM I ALRIGHT?” Tommy started singing, trying to liven everyone’s spirits to no one’s amusement. “AS IF AUSPICIOUS OR IN MY PINT!”

“Toms, I’m being serious.” Wilbur was uncharacteristically stern. “I know what today is. We all do. You don’t have to play with us.” 

Tommy looked around the room, but all he saw were worried eyes fixed back at him. He looked away, not wanting to deal with all the unnecessary attention.

“Yeah, it’s the sixth.” Tommy scoffed, trying to rub off the emotions. “I know, okay? You don’t have to drum it into me.” 

“I know you miss him, but we all do.” Wilbur stepped in, trying to comfort the visibly angry teenager. “We’re all in this togeth-”

“I don’t need any more of your fucking sympathy!” Tommy snarled, his body trembling angrily and his hands tightly clenched up in fists. “Please, just shut up. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Wilbur turned to look at Phil, who was shaking his head in disapproval. It should have been enough of a warning sign, but Wilbur ignored that and persisted anyway. His support meant more to Tommy than he would realize.  

“Look, we can talk about what’s bothering you.” Wilbur continued, irritating Tommy further. “Whether it's about Tubbo or Ranboo or something el-”

“I said, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Tommy shouted, his fist striking somewhere between Wilbur’s nose and lips. 

Within moments, Tommy remorsefully realized what he had done. He had just punched Wilbur Soot in the fucking face. He was too taken aback by what he had done to notice the other people's shocked expressions around the room.

The blow was enough to upset Wilbur’s balance a bit, causing him to stumble around for a second as he caught his footing. When he finally did, his wobbly legs had been spread apart like a newborn giraffe. He breathed heavily, adrenaline still pumping through his veins. 

Wilbur could barely control his eyes for a split second, trying to take in the full impact of whatever the hell just happened. Wilbur blinked hazily, gazing as the white stars exploding in his vision like fireworks gradually faded away.  

“Oh, Wilbur…” Wilbur overheard someone expressing concern for his condition. “You’re-you’re bleeding! Phil, go get some tissues!”

“Wait…” Wilbur turned his head towards Kristin, blood slowly beginning to drip from his nose. “...I am?”

This prompted Tommy to look down at his own hand, which was spattered in blood. Wilbur’s blood, not his own. He did this to Wilbur of all people, someone he loved and cared about. Tommy already feared for the worst. Not just for Wilbur’s injuries, but for rejection from the others around him. 

Tommy hurriedly glanced up, noticing something off-putting about Wilbur’s eyes as the older one started to pat at his lips with dread, hoping it wasn’t what he thought. He pulled his hand away from his face, taking a look at the damage. Blood dripped to the floor in droplets, his eyes growing wide in horror. 

“Oh shit!” Wilbur declared, completely stunned by what just happened. “I am! I’m bleeding!”

Wilbur still looked down at his hand before looking up at his attacker, Tommy’s sorry eyes coming into contact with Wilbur’s disoriented ones. Wilbur looked back between Tommy and his bloody hand several times before deciding on focusing his attention towards Tommy again. 

“T-Tommy?” Wilbur sputtered out as the two locked eyes.“W-what the hell?” 

Stepping back in an attempt to regain his balance from the startling realization, Wilbur's legs trembled and buckled beneath his own weight. His vision blossomed into darkness for a few seconds as he closed his eyes, willingly accepting his fate as he plummeted.

“Wilbur!” Both Kristin and Techno cried, rushing up to catch the bloodied man before he hit the ground.  

Tommy scattered back as Techno removed his red flannel shirt and placed it under Wilbur’s head, revealing a black t-shirt underneath. Kristin made some motions with her fingers, making sure they weren’t dealing with a concussion or anything more serious. Wilbur successfully followed along with his eyes, although it was a little difficult with his watery eyes from being punched. 

Thankfully, Phil came around the corner at the right time, his eyes expanding when he saw Wilbur lying on the floor with his wife and Techno right next to him while Tommy stood there helplessly watching. As quickly as he could, Phil rushed over to Wilbur, starting to ram some tissues into his gushing nose. 

“It hurts...” Wilbur complained, his face contorting as he winced. “Fuck…It hurts…”

“Shhh, I know.” Phil tried to comfort the injured man, holding a wad of tissues to his nose while patting his cheek. “We’re here to take care of you, mate. Do you want to move to the couch?” 

Wilbur gazed at Phil and nodded gently, still reeling from Tommy’s attack. 

Tommy stepped back fearfully, watching all of this from a distance. Regret crawled all over him like insects burrowing in the dirt, his eyes tearing up. He hurt Wilbur, his friend, the man he considered his brother. He would never forgive him. Neither would the others who got involved.

Tommy couldn’t stay. He needed to run, so that’s what he did. 

With everyone distracted by moving Wilbur to the couch, Tommy pulled on his jacket and slipped out the door, hoping the sound of the door closing didn’t alarm anyone. Right after the door began creaking, Tommy closed it behind him and bolted away from the house.

Everyone was alarmed by the noise as they turned their heads to find Tommy's spot empty. Without a word, they started flipping out. This wasn’t the first time Tommy did this, but with what happened last time, they feared the worst. Tommy could be anywhere and anyone could get hurt because of it. 

“Don’t worry, I’m on it.” Kristin assured everyone else, rising from the couch. “I’m sure he didn’t make it far.”

Kristin knew everyone was worried, but she was oddly familiar with this. She had her fair share of meltdowns and elopements that she had dealt with. Tommy probably wasn’t on the spectrum, but if he was, she was equipped to work with that as well.

“But I don’t want you to get hurt, too.” Wilbur whimpered with childish innocence. 

Wilbur knew Tommy wouldn’t hurt her, but then again, Tommy just punched him in the face and left. It wouldn’t be too far-fetched if Tommy did anything to Kristin, at least in Wilbur’s still-confused state of mind. If he did, Phil wouldn’t hesitate to beat him to a pulp.

“Don’t worry, I know how to deal with him.” Wilbur swore he saw her wink, but that could be his watery vision playing tricks on him again.

That damn child was going to be the death of them one day. Wilbur could feel it. Tommy was just a hazard to have around, like a bomb yet to be defused or a trigger yet to be pulled. They just didn’t know when he was going to strike. 

Maybe it was because he punched Wilbur in the face out of anger or got into a fight with his suicidal friend at a hospital, but there was something else much deeper going on beneath the surface. Tommy needed help, more than any of them could ever give him.  

Speaking of which, Tommy was still out there. 

“I’ll go.” Phil volunteered, standing up from the couch. 

Phil felt responsible for Tommy’s behavior to some extent. Sure, he wasn’t Tommy’s father, but he was the oldest and he acted like a father figure to the others. He should be the one to take responsibility for anything Tommy or Wilbur or even Techno did. What one of his "sons" did shouldn't be the sole responsibility of his wife.

“No, you need to stay here.” Kristin quickly shot down Phil’s offer.

Kristin also felt responsible. When Phil “adopted” the others, so did she. He didn’t have to take care of them all by himself. Since Tubbo’s attempt, Kristin felt like she couldn’t properly help Tommy. He seldom came by the house anymore and interactions between them were sporadic and brief. At least this time, they could actually talk to each other without anyone else interfering. 

“Kristin, are you insane?” Phil tried to reason with his unyielding wife. “It’s cold and wet out there. Let me go instead.”

Kristin looked outside. Her husband wasn’t lying. It was pouring outside, creating large puddles that looked like ponds. Even anyone who was wearing proper clothing was going to get thoroughly soaked. Tommy was royally fucked out there and someone needed to go get him. 

“Look, you need to look after Wilbur.” Kristin commanded. “He really needs you right now. Like, a lot more than you realize.”

Phil looked behind him, seeing Wilbur lying on the couch with the large bundle of tissues still clinging to his nose. He groaned in pain, causing Techno to respond with a low “bruhhhhh” as he read from a small red book he'd taken from home.

“And besides, I’ll mostly be in the car looking for him so there'll be nothing to worry about.” Kristin added.“I can take care of him. I’ve dealt with much more difficult kids, Phil. We just need to talk about some things that only we’ll understand, that’s all.”  

Phil sighed defeatedly. She had a point. 

“Alright, I trust you, darling.” Phil kissed Kristin on the forehead, causing her to blush. “Just call me if you need anything. I love you, my dear.” 

“You too.” Kristin reached up on her toes to kiss Phil’s forehead, giving him the same reaction. “See you in a bit.” 

Black umbrella in hand, Kristin rushed out the door as her black boots clicked against the pavement. Phil watched her fade into the white car they shared, watching her longingly as she looked back and smiled. Even as the car drove off, Phil still felt an overwhelming joy build up inside of him that he only got when he was around her.  

God, Phil loved that woman. 

~~~~

The weather was more than fitting for such an occasion. 

Grabbing a jacket was a good call because as it turns out, it was raining. Brighton didn’t get a lot of snow like other places in England did, but that didn’t stop it from feeling cold as balls. But still, a few stray whiffs of cold air made his throat dry and nose runny. 

Tommy really hoped nobody recognized him as “that guy from Twitch with the funny videos that hadn’t streamed in a month.” Thankfully, nobody did. Then again, he probably looked more like a depressed jackass than the TommyInnit they saw on their computer screens. 

That’s when he looked back down at his hand. Thankfully, all the blood had been washed away by the rain. If it wasn’t for that, someone would think he was a serial killer or something. There wasn’t much blood, thankfully for him. Wilbur would be dealing with that. What bothered him now was the aching in his knuckles, his throat and his heart. 

Where could he go now?

The house he shared with Wilbur and Techno was a good twenty minutes away. His parents in Nottingham were three hours away. Tubbo’s family was an hour away. Tommy wasn’t an excellent navigator anyways, so he would rather just stay lost instead.

Tommy didn’t know how long he had been walking. He didn’t really care, in fact. 

He had walked far enough that his legs were beginning to get sore and the multicolored sky darkened to a murky midnight blue. The rain slowed down to a drizzle before coming to a halt. The streetlights came on, blocking the natural light from the stars as Tommy looked down at his blue sneakers. 

He pulled out his phone that normally hid in his pockets. Tommy saw the missed calls and the messages. From Techno, Phil, Wilbur and Kristin. They all must have been worried sick about him. But Tommy could care less. How could he come back after what he just did to them?

Tommy coughed out into a cloud of gray mist, not really caring about safety protocols and shit. COVID had finally died down and it didn’t look like it would return for a while. Eh, it was probably just the cold weather irritating his lungs. Tommy was used to Wilbur complaining about that. 

Maybe it was just Wilbur’s hypochondriac thoughts crawling into his head, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how one cough could kill him. A cough could lead to bronchitis. Bronchitis could lead to pneumonia. Pneumonia almost certainly meant death. 

Famous Twitch Star TommyInnit Dead at 18 from Pneumonia. What a fucking headline. 

Did he believe it? No, of course not! Wilbur was just paranoid like he always was.

That is, until Tommy was singing to a sick, delirious Wilbur as he waited for the ambulance to come to take him to a hospital. Turns out it was actually something serious that halted production of Lovejoy’s newest EP. Tommy was furious with Phil for a week because he didn't take Wilbur’s illness seriously - until Kristin and Wilbur forced them to make up.

But then again, that was six months ago. Not thirty minutes or however long ago he punched Wilbur in the face. 

Before long, Tommy came across a bridge in an unfamiliar part of the city. He really hoped it was somewhere close to Phil and Kristin’s place, but it probably wasn’t. The crisp winter breeze carried the scent of rain and night, which was more noticeable on the bridge. Tommy could see the dark water as he crossed, crashing against the smooth boulders further upstream.

Maybe this was what Tubbo felt like the night he jumped. 

All alone in the big world at night, not knowing what to do anymore. Only, Tubbo had a plan to take his life. Tommy was just lost and alone with no idea what to do. Tubbo’s family had his back while Tommy was prone to stabbing his in the back. 

Tommy recalled Tubbo describing the view to him, but he never really bothered to pay attention to that part of the conversation. Something about it feeling like flying? 

Something called Tommy over the railing. Not to jump, Just to sit and think about things for a while. Maybe if he sat on the railing, he would feel more alive. Tommy seized the thick black metal railing beneath and threw himself above it, careful not to lean too far or he’d plummet into the water below. He let his legs dangle off the edge, feeling nearly weightless besides the barrier beneath him. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, this feeling of control made him feel good. The surge of power made him dizzy, but he enjoyed it. It was like the first time getting drunk with Lovejoy, the first few glasses of cider making him feel all silly and weirdly lightheaded. Only this time, there weren't any funny band members, excessive amounts of alcohol or boisterous bars around. 

Just Tommy, the bridge and the river below him. 

It wasn’t much of a far drop if he were to fall. Tommy could swim and the riverbank wasn’t that much farther from where he was, but he didn’t even want to take that chance. The water looked wild, almost frothing. The fall wouldn’t kill him, but he could easily be swept away by the current in the river below, swollen by the recent torrential downpours of the season draining into it. 

Tommy thought about a story one of his friends told him where he almost drowned in a lake. It was a peaceful experience once you get after the initial exhaustion of fighting back. It felt like sleep, only a lot heavier. If one of his college friends that he snuck out with hadn’t pulled him out, Wilbur would have died. 

Maybe that’s all to it. Just a really deep sleep. Tommy was pretty used to sleeping. He did it every night. Maybe death wouldn’t be that different. Just falling asleep and never waking up. When he put it that way, it didn’t seem that scary.  

If he jumped, it wouldn’t be so bad. 

Wait, wasn’t that the same thing that Tubbo said before he attempted? 

Tommy looked down, still hypnotized by the water crashing around the stones in front of him. It seemed peaceful in a way. Bodies of water often had that effect on him, like his own personal sedative. 

He loved going to the beach just as much as Tubbo liked singing about it. Lakes were peaceful and he liked to go out and feed the ducks, but Tommy had always been impressed by rivers. Even small streams he saw when it was raining gave him a bit of comfort. That large river with its rapid current was no exception. 

But Tommy didn’t want to die. Far from it, actually.

He didn’t want Techno and Wilbur to lose their “little brother” or Phil and Kristin to lose their “son”. Tommy noticed all the suffering Tubbo’s family suffered and he didn’t want anyone else to carry that guilt. He couldn’t do that to everyone. Not after everything Tubbo was going through. 

Maybe he’d just sit here and wait. 

Everything would be okay eventually. All of this would pass over. He just needed to breathe. 

Tommy thought about turning back. It was already dark and he didn’t know where he was, but he was certain someone would find him. Someone was probably out looking for him. If he did find his way back home, someone would be waiting with open arms. 

Maybe he should call them to tell them he was alright, but he needed this time to himself. 

So, Tommy just sat there and breathed. 

The splash of water rushing beneath him. The barks and howls of a few dogs that lived nearby. The caws of crows in the trees above. The rumble of a car that came roaring around the corner. 

It was calm. It was peaceful. It was-

“TOMMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” 

Someone screamed in a panic, making Tommy’s body instinctively jump in response. He tried to stabilize himself by putting his hands back on the railing, but it was too slick from all the rain to get a firm grip. He noticed someone rushing towards him, but he was so blinded by adrenaline that he couldn’t tell who it was.  

It was too late. Tommy was falling. 

Memories of everyone he loved started to flood his mind. His parents, who he never really talked to since he moved out. Tubbo, his bubbly best friend who would go to the ends of the earth for him. Wilbur, his sometimes unnerving “older brother” who would always invite him to his shows. Phil and Kristin, who loved each other as much as they loved him. Technoblade, who was full of wonders and secrets but still loved Tommy dearly. 

He was too young to die. There was so much more for him to do and see. 

He needed to live long enough to see Lovejoy release their album. He needed to live long enough to see Tubbo fully recover from his injuries. He needed to live long enough to find himself a girl who loved him. He needed to live long enough to-

“Gotcha!” At the last moment, somebody grabbed his arm. 

Tommy looked up to see a familiar woman looking down at him. Her chocolate-brown eyes looked bloodshot from crying and her dark clothes were soaked. Her makeup was all ruined and smudged across her face, but she didn't care about any of that. 

The only thing she cared about was saving Tommy. 

“Kristin!” Tommy exclaimed, excited to see her.

“Hold on!” Kristin gritted through her teeth. “I’m not going to let you die on me!”

As hard as she could, Kristin lifted Tommy up to the railing. Finally, Tommy was able to cling to the edge of the railing with his other hand and Kristin pulled him to the other side in one fluid movement. Tommy clutched onto Kristin tightly, sending them both tumbling down onto the pavement. 

Tommy rolled off of Kristin, still trying to process whatever just happened and too exhausted to move. Both of them were so surprised that they just laid there speechless, wildly gasping for air as they looked up into the night sky. They both started to tear up, although Kristin was already in tears before she found Tommy. 

It was a while before anyone said or did anything else. 

Tommy had something on the tip of his tongue, but just before it could come out, he was wrapped up in an embrace and kissed on the forehead. Instantly, he felt love radiating off of Kristin, although he knew what was coming afterwards. 

“Tommy, what the hell were you even thinking? ” Kristin was inconsolable. “Running off like that? And then this? Do you even know how much you fucking scared me?”

When Kristin got angry, Tommy knew he really fucked up. Tommy had heard Kristin curse in a casual sense, but never in such an angry yet worried manner. Kristin rarely got to that point where she would shout at people, even during her worst days. Turns out this was enough to tip her over the edge. 

“Kristin, I-” Tommy tried to explain with something, but Kristin cut him off.

“Tommy, I’ve been searching for you for two hours!” Kristin explained, trying to hold back her anger. “Everyone’s been trying to get a hold of you. Anything could happen to you out here and I- I didn’t want to return to Phil empty-handed and tell him that I… that I lost you.” 

“I’m sorry…” Tommy pushed himself away from the embrace and forced himself to look Kristin in the eye. “I-I didn’t want you to find me this way. This… wasn’t what it looked like, I promise.”  

“Then, what were you doing on the railing?” Kristin asked in a stony voice, the question unescapable like a labyrinth. 

Shit, how was he going to explain this to Kristin of all people?

“Uhhhh…I just… got sad and I-I just wanted to think about things.” Tommy slowly explained, stuttering as he spoke, trying not to sound suicidal. “I-I wasn’t going to jump, I promise. You just… scared me and-” 

Tommy's statement was again cut short by a tight squeeze. 

“I’m just… I’m glad you’re okay.” Kristin smiled faintly, looking up at Tommy. “Next time you feel this way, please come talk to me. I’d rather listen to your problems than to see you get hurt.” 

“Yeah, sounds like a good plan.” Tommy copied Kristin’s grin before it was disrupted by a coughing fit.

“Oh, Tommy…” Kristin felt around on Tommy’s forehead, searching for a fever that hadn’t yet reached the surface. “You’re not getting sick, are you?”

God, she was just as paranoid as Wilbur was at times.

“No?” Tommy was pretty unsure himself. 

Now that he was thinking about it, his throat did feel a little sore. It was probably from breathing in cold wintry air. He doubted he was getting sick.  If he was, it was probably karma for what he did to Wilbur. 

“We’ll talk more about this when we get back to our house.” Kristin breathed exhaustedly as she softly grabbed Tommy’s shoulders. “For now, let’s get you out of this weather.”

Ever so carefully, Kristin wrapped her arm around Tommy’s shoulders and led him towards the white car. Tommy let his wet body slump into the passenger seat, still utterly exhausted from being seconds away from certain death. Tommy pulled off his damp jacket and threw it onto the ground, embracing the dryness of the car. 

Kristin came over to his side of the car with a nice brown blanket, taking the place of the jacket on his body. She picked up the rain-soaked jacket off the floor and threw it in the back seat, not really concerned about the condition of the car as much as she was about Tommy. 

In the light of the car, it was easier to see Kristin’s worried face. Her makeup was running, black marks smeared down her cheeks. Her striped shirt was beyond soaked, but that didn’t even faze her. She looked down at her phone, probably messaging Phil if Tommy were to guess.  

Kristin eventually stepped into the car and breathed deeply, trying to calm herself from whatever just happened. Tommy could see Kristin fold her hands together tightly and bow her head, whispering something to herself. Or maybe to someone Tommy couldn’t see.

Wait, was Kristin… praying?

Religion wasn’t something Tommy put a lot of faith in, but maybe Kristin did. I mean, it was practically in her name. Still, it hurt Tommy to see her that way. Tommy wished he could do something to help her, but he was afraid to make the situation worse, so he just stayed silent and let Kristin finish her prayer.

Tommy remembered feeling really sleepy for a few seconds. He blinked tiredly, desperately trying to stay awake. He must have been out of adrenaline and he was just now feeling the effects. He tried to focus on Kristin as she started the car, but his vision was going blurry and everything was going dark. 

“Tommy?” Kristin turned to face Tommy but he was too tired to respond. 

Kristin must have said something else, but Tommy’s senses were so muddled that he let himself slip into the comfort of sleep waiting there for him. He was warm and he was safe. Kristin found him and that’s all that mattered. He gave everyone a good scare but at least he was still alive. 

He just hoped Tubbo felt the same way.  

Passing out in Kristin’s car wasn’t ideal, but at least he got some rest. Kristin must have been horrified to see him fall asleep so suddenly in her car, but who would blame him? After everything he had to put up with, he earned it. 

~~~~

When Kristin pulled into the driveway, Phil was waiting there with eyes just as swollen as hers. He rushed over to the parked car, Kristin just beginning to emerge from the vehicle when he wrapped her up in a big hug. 

“Kristin, you brought him back!” Phil was in tears, trembling with joy. “Thank you, my angel. I was so afraid we lost him till you called.”

As a gesture of gratitude, Phil passionately kissed Kristin on the cheek to thank her for bringing Tommy back home safely. Kristin more than welcomed it, returning one of her own under his chin. 

“Aw, Phil…” Kristin blushed. “I love you to bits.”

Phil opened the car door on the other side to find Tommy, his head drooping on his chest and bent away from the open door, completely unconscious. Most of his drenched body was draped by the brown throw they kept in the blanket on roadtrips and the like. It was large enough to cover an entire person, so they normally kept at least a couple in the car just in case. 

“He must be exhausted.” Phil shuttered with cold before he turned to face his wife. “You said he ran all the way to Northney Bridge?”

“Yeah, I found him sitting on the railing.” Kristin nodded, looking towards the sleeping man, her chestnut eyes glistening with sadness. “With everything that has been happening to him, I was afraid he was planning on…”

“...ending it all.” Phil finished. “Yeah, he just hasn’t been acting like himself lately, hasn’t he?”

“You think Dr. O'Connor will take him?” Kristin asked. “She's an excellent psychologist.” 

“You know, I don’t think Tommy’s ever been to one since he moved to Brighton.” Phil agreed. “It would be good for him to talk to someone about all this shit and I think she would love to see him.”

The couple was disrupted by some slight shuffling from the passenger’s side. Tommy groaned awake, groggily cracking open his eyes as he looked around. Phil leaned close as Tommy met his gaze, completely confused by his new surroundings.

“Mmmm...” Tommy glanced up sleepily. “Phil? How’d you get here?”

“Tommy, you scared the ever-living shit out of me!” Phil tightly squeezed him, instantly waking the youngest one up as he started crying. “What the hell were you even thinking? Running out… and then the bridge and-”

“Phil, stop it.” Tommy tried to squirm his way out, but that only made Phil hold him tighter. “You’re suffocating me.” 

“Don’t care.” Phil half-sobbed into his chest. “We could have lost you, Tommy. You’ve been gone for so long and I was worried something really bad happened to you.”

“I’m…I’m so sorry I worried you guys.” Tommy sobbed into Phil’s shoulder in response, still soggy from what happened near the bridge. “I-I promise I won’t worry you guys like that ever again.”

“Aw mate…” Phil gushed, running his fingers through Tommy’s wet curls. “Let’s get you inside. You’re absolutely soaked.” 

Tommy let his head slump tiredly into Phil’s chest, too emotionally exhausted to keep it up. He felt delicate yet inviting arms wrapped themselves around him, leading him towards the door. Tommy passively let himself get carried along, slowly strolling along into the homely yellow light.

Walking behind, Kristin noticed the wreath that she hung on the door that had been knocked to the ground, the small crow ornament that sat on it was torn from its place. Kristin picked up the pieces, which could easily be twined together with some wire. Her and Phil always liked that wreath since they found it at a simple craft store and to see it torn up made her incredibly disappointed. 

Placing the pieces of the wreath on the table, Kristin looked over at Wilbur. He was in the kitchen with her, stirring a packet of hot chocolate into a green mug of warm milk for Tommy to drink. He was no longer stuffing his face with bloody tissues, so that must have been a good sign. From the silent look on his face, Kristin could tell Wilbur blamed himself for what happened to Tommy. 

For what Tommy did to him, who would blame him?

Phil and Techno returned from the bathroom with Tommy, who was dressed in some old clothes Phil had lying around. His hair had been blow-dried and his old clothes had been set to dry, but Kristin noted that Tommy still looked dead tired and was shivering. He had a blanket draped around his shoulders, soaking up the rest of the rainwater that made Tommy wet and cold. 

Wilbur sat down on the sofa in the living room, putting the mug of hot chocolate right next to him on the table. He opened his arms wide as Tommy walked by, the younger one instinctively falling into them as he settled down between Wilbur’s legs. Wilbur brought the mug up to Tommy’s mouth, careful not to spill any on him. Through the clean blanket laid across his chest, Wilbur could still feel Tommy shivering, although it had started to go down a bit. 

Before long, Tommy was surrounded by a large sobbing mess of four very emotional people.  Four pairs of arms were hugging him. Four pairs of eyes were crying along with him. Tommy felt crushed by all this attention, but he also felt at home there. It was a family he chose to surround himself with and he couldn’t ask for better people to be around. 

Everyone was always ready to crack a joke but they could be serious when the moment allowed for them to. They would give the shirt off their back for each other time and time again. They might not have made the best decisions or looked as perfect as other internet celebrities, but that was what made them human. 

And Tommy wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Chapter Text

Someone jolted Phil awake, shaking him and yelling his name.

Phil opened his eyes, blinking sleepily. Kristin was standing above him with a concerned look on her face, looking as if someone had just died in front of her. Kristin never woke him up so late at night unless it was extremely urgent- he could tell just from her face that this was exactly that situation. However, Phil was always difficult to wake up. With all the shit he had to deal with, he was a pretty heavy sleeper. 

“Wha’?” Phil garbled, half-asleep. “Wilbur again?”

“No, it’s Tommy.” Kristin sounded frantic. “He- he passed out again and he feels really warm, he’s definitely sick.”

Tommy was prone to passing out - not ‘fainting’ as some people described it. Nearly everyone he lived with or got close to had witnessed him pass out at least twice. Passing out was normally a sign of low blood pressure, not a sign of illness, but it probably wasn't of much help.

Phil rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Alright, where the fuck is he?”

“He’s in the living room.” Kristin was visibly shaking. “Please hurry.” 

Without a moment of hesitation, Phil followed her into the living room, still staggering with exhausted limbs. Both him and Kristin had dealt with this dozens of times, but Kristin seemed a little more worried this time. If Kristin was worried, maybe Phil should be as well. 

When Phil arrived in the dimly-lit room, he noticed Kristin lifting Tommy off the carpet of the living room. Tommy gave up without a fight, deteriorating into nothing more than a warm bag of bones slumped on the couch. His eyes looked pale and lifeless for a moment before he blinked drowsily in the lamp light.

“Mum...” Tommy mumbled before interrupting himself with a sudden coughing fit.

Sure, Kristin was motherly, but she wasn’t his mum. That should have been the first sign something was amiss, other than his clammy skin and the warmth radiating off him like a fireplace. Or, you know, the fact that Kristin found him on the middle of the floor.  

“Shhh.” Kristin gently whispered, tenderly stroking his curly hair as she played along. “I’m right here. Let me take your temperature then you can rest.” 

Tommy stared aimlessly at her as Kristin stuck a cold thermometer in his mouth. The thermometer chimed after a few seconds and Kristin pulled it out. She squinted, straining to read the tiny numbers on the dimly-lit thermometer. Kristin had lived in England for a couple years now and she still couldn’t understand celsius as well as Phil could. 

“39.1.” Kristin read out, running her fingers through her hair. “That’s not normal, is it?”

39.1 Celsius. 102.3 Fahrenheit. Above normal human temperature. Tommy definitely had a fever, no doubt about that. 

“No, it’s not.” Phil shook his head, dislodging any sleep from his brain. “He shouldn’t have a fever that high.”

“Then what do we do?” Kristin’s voice trembled. “I'm really worried about him.”

As much as he hated to admit it, he was scared as well. It was hard to watch his wife tear up over Tommy's health. Tommy's temperature was unusually high and he wasn’t acting like himself. He didn’t need a professional to tell him this wasn’t normal.   

“Go get some medicine from the cabinet so we can bring down his fever.” Phil commanded. “I’ll stay here and watch him.”

Kristin nodded her head, running as fast as she could over to the kitchen where the medicine was. After she was gone, Phil turned his head back over to Tommy, looking at him with sympathetic eyes. 

Tommy hacked into the leather couch, still trembling from whatever illness he had. His breathing was labored and his face flushed and clammy. He was mumbling something under his breath as he happened to lock eyes with Phil. There was no doubt the fever had made Tommy delirious. 

Phil sat there on the end of the couch, hearing Tommy muttering to himself about nothing in particular. Most of it was inaudible, but Phil could make out Ranboo’s name in the hubbub. From what he could hear, things weren't looking good.

Bridge? Fire? Tubbo? What could this all mean?

Breathing out, Phil noticed a blanket on the end of the couch that would be perfect to combat Tommy’s shivering. Softly, he draped the dark blanket over Tommy’s shoulders, too fatigued to pull it off. Phil continued to watch him like a crow perched in a tree, waiting for his wife to emerge from the dark hallway. 

“Phil, I have something.” Kristin called out, holding a bottle of something red in her hands. 

It was a sort of cough syrup to help with fevers and congestion. It was already a fourth empty from a particularly rough cold Phil had in September. Kristin didn’t know what was in it or if the dosage played a factor, but if it was enough to keep her husband asleep for a while, it must have been good for something. 

Taking a cup to put the medicine in, Kristin ventured deeper into the living room. Phil was still there, turning his gaze towards his wife. Tommy shifted upwards as he watched her fill the cup halfway, his blue eyes still glazed with fever.

“No…” Tommy’s eyes widened with panic as he sat up, the fever turning his normally cheery voice into a low growl. “Stay away from me…”

Still, Kristin walked closer, giving the medicine over to her husband for a second. She bent forward, cuffing the feverish man’s cheeks with her relatively cold hands. Phil still feared for his wife, but Kristin knew what she was doing, even if nobody else did.

“Tommy, it’s okay.” Kristin reassured the feverish man, calming down in her grasp. “Tommy, can you look at me?”

Despite his uncertainty, Tommy nodded. His eyes were glossy and vacant but they were somewhat focused on Kristin and that was all she cared about. Kristin turned to Phil and nodded, giving her the clear cup with the cherry-red medicine inside. 

“Here, have some of this.” Kristin instructed, Tommy shakily accepting the small cup in response. “It’s just some medicine. It’s going to make you feel better.” 

Without breaking eye contact with Kristin, Tommy quickly sucked up the medicine. It didn’t taste half bad, about as alright as medicine could be with a strong splash of cherry to mask the bitterness. Once he was done, he gave the cup back to Kristin, heaviness creeping into his head. 

"There, you did it.” Kristin was pleased, still kneeling next to him while she stroked his hair. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Mmmm...” Tommy mumbled sleepily. “No…”

Tommy nodded slowly, his eyelids starting to droop. He fought to keep his head up but his body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. Without much resistance, Tommy barreled headfirst into Kristin’s chest.  

“The medicine’s already starting to work, is it?” Kristin patted him on the back, smirking tiredly as she toppled him over onto his side. “We'll let you get some rest. With that fever you’re fighting off, you’ll need it."

Tommy could feel himself dissolving into slumber, his glazed eyes finally slipping shut as he succumbed to the warm comfort of the couch. A few words came out of his mouth as jumbled babblings before slurring into snores, something Kristin took as a form of gratitude. Kristin heaved a sigh of relief, turning towards Phil with a weary grin.

“I’ll take this from here, darling.” Kristin tiredly reassured her husband. “You can go back to bed.” 

“No, let me stay out here with you.” Phil protested unwaveringly. “After everything that happened yesterday, I need to be there for both of you.” 

“Oh, Phil…” Kristin yawned. “It’s fine. I can take care of it.” 

“No.” Phil remained firm. “What we do, we do together. I’m not leaving you behind.” 

“Oh, you’re so stubborn.” Kristin giggled, trying to stifle it with her hands. 

“And so are you, my angel.” Phil replied with a sly smile on his face. 

So the couple sat together, watching Tommy sleep soundly. They held hands, holding on a little tighter when one of them began to worry. Tommy was sick but they were still going to watch out for him. When he got better, they would be there to give him some food and water to help him fight off whatever nasty virus he must have gotten. If he continued to get worse, they wouldn’t think twice about taking him to a hospital. 

But for now, they would let the medicine do its job and allow Tommy to sleep it off.  

~~~~

When Tommy opened his eyes, he was sitting on the railing of a bridge. 

This scene looked familiar to him, but everything looked distorted and colored as if it were a painting in a museum. Every house he saw looked triangular in nature, almost like they had been sawn in half. The grass was an intense blue, almost the same shade as a sapphire. The turbulent river below was pitch black, nothing but a dark void staring back at Tommy as he looked down. 

Then he remembered. This must have been Northney Bridge. The same bridge that he almost fell from. So, that must mean Kristin must have been worried sick about him. They all must have been worried about him. He needed to go back and apologize.

Tommy twisted his head around to see Kristin standing behind him with a frightened yet angry look on her face. She took a few careful steps near Tommy as if she were a wild animal about to attack him. Her clothes were wet, but they weren’t covered in water, but in a bright red liquid instead. Instead of the white car she drove around in, there was only a path of blood that followed her. 

“Kristin, what-” Tommy began asking before Kristin cut him off.

“What have you done?” Kristin shook her head in disbelief, tears streaming down her bloodied cheeks as her long hair swirled in the cold air. “You monster! They’re all dead because of you!” 

This couldn’t be real, could it? 

Tommy looked down at his hands and this clothing. It was all covered in blood. Not his blood, but the blood of his friends that he had grown so close to. He would never do anything to hurt anyone like that. Not the people he loved. They were the nicest people and they never did anything to deserve this. 

“Kristin, I-” Tommy started before he heard something whisper from the water.

A long, dark figure leaped from the river like a snake striking a mouse, grabbing onto Tommy’s leg with sharp fingernails. The inky water melted away, revealing a familiar face as Tommy looked down. A face he hadn’t seen in a long time and that he never wanted to see again. 

Ranboo. That treacherous bastard. 

But there was something off about him. His glasses and mask had been removed, revealing his tense gray eyes. He opened his mouth to laugh, revealing rows of sharp teeth flashing like sharp knives. Something flickered behind his eyes, almost like a fox caught in headlights on a dark night. 

“You aren’t getting away that easily!” Ranboo roared loudly with a big grin on his face. “You’re coming down with me!” 

Before Tommy could ask how the hell he got there or why he wasn’t wearing his mask, Ranboo pulled him closer. Tommy cling tightly to the railing like a bear cub in a forest fire, knowing that letting go would mean certain doom. He looked back towards Kristin, hopeful that she would have mercy on him.

“Kristin, save me!” Tommy screamed, grabbing onto the railing with all his strength. 

Instead, Kristin just watched, her eyes still wide with hatred. She stared as Tommy fumbled on the railing, looking up at her with terrified eyes. Without saying a word, she walked away, following the blood trail back to her house. 

Tommy couldn’t help but feel confused or betrayed by everything that just happened. Ranboo was pulling him into treacherous waters. Kristin was watching all of this happening, too shocked to do anything about it. The people he knew were all dead and he didn't know what was happening.

Tommy’s fingers soon grew numb, forcing him to let go of the only thing keeping him from falling into the abyss. His hands gave way, allowing gravity to rob him of air. Everything around him was becoming more distorted and darkened, but he still tried to pry himself away from Ranboo’s grasp in vain. Tommy made one final scream as the inky liquid engulfed them, still flailing in retaliation as he was dragged deeper into darkness. 

He knew it was all over, but he still fought. 

~~~~

It was 9 a.m. at the Watson house and Wilbur was awake. 

He strummed on his guitar, a familiar little song Tommy sang to him when he was sick one time. It always made him feel emotional just thinking about it. It was one of the first songs Wilbur learned on guitar and one of the first ones he taught Tommy.

Techno sat next to him, humming along. Techno was no better than a stray cat at singing, so he mostly hummed along when Wilbur played. He sipped on his glass of apple juice with a familiar looking character on it that somewhat resembled Phil's Minecraft skin. He looked down at his phone, probably scrolling through social media or just catching up with friends. 

Techno looked up from his phone for a second, noticing Phil and Kristin snuggled up next to each other on the other couch. It looked like Phil tumbled into his sleeping wife as he fell asleep, clinging to her as tightly as he could. Kristin’s face was folded in exhaustion, dark circles starting to form around her eyes and her face looking slightly paler than normal. 

“Phil and Kristin have their hands full with us, don’t they?” Technoblade pointed out with a small grin on his face.

“Yeah.” Wilbur sighed with a fatigued smile, continuing to strum on his guitar. 

Techno understood, being a child of divorce as well. Their parents weren’t always there for them in the same way as parents who were together were. As a result, both had resorted to other people to help bridge that gap that their families weren't able to fill all the way. 

Techno had Dream and Skeppy and other skilled and humorous gamers who were just as talented as he was while Wilbur had James Marriott and Jschlatt and other hilarious people who also had a fondness for gaming and music. But at the end of the day, they were closest to the five people in that house. 

“I know it’s hard, Wilbur.” Techno expressed sympathy, sighing as he looked down at his sleeved wrist before looking away. “It’s been… hard on me too.” 

Wilbur wanted to say that he knew what he was going through, but he knew Techno’s attempt was far different than anything he had ever been through. Phil had told him the whole truth right after they came home, something which made everyone who was awake at the moment tear up. Wilbur didn’t want to hear about it again, especially from the person who was involved.

“Technoblade…” Wilbur sighed, stopping his guitar for a second and reaching out to pat his arm. “I might not know what you exactly went through, but if there is anything I can help you with, I’ll be there. No matter what. We’re family now and I’m not leaving you behind.”

Techno was screaming internally, the only external response he gave was lifting his chin off his chest. Wilbur had his ways with finding out about things he didn’t need to know. Wilbur must have overheard him and Tommy talking about it or Phil must have told him. As soon as he had the chance, he was going to ask Phil if he told anyone and give him hell if he told anyone a single thing. 

“Thanks, Wil.” Techno mumbled before letting out a toothy smile which Wilbur echoed back. “You know I’ll always do the same for you.” 

Just then, Tommy started groaning in a sleep-disoriented state, shifting restlessly on the sofa like he was fighting something. Wilbur set the guitar down and stepped over to him carefully as Technoblade followed behind him. 

“Ranboo...” Tommy shook with fever, scared out of his mind. “…get the hell away from me.”

It broke Wilbur’s heart to see Tommy like that. He could tell it was the fever talking, not the young man who always followed him around. Tommy coughed, although it sounded more like a dying animal than a sick person.  

“Tommy?” Wilbur lightly shook the groaning man, feeling his skin dripping with sweat. “Come on, wake up. You’re kinda scaring me.” 

Wilbur noticed Tommy’s eyes flickering open drowsily, taking a while to somewhat focus on the person in front of him. Wilbur was there, right in front of him, alive. This was the greatest news Tommy could ever hope for.

“Wilby?” Tommy blinked, his eyes finally focusing. “You’re alive?” 

Wilbur hated that nickname so much. If he heard anyone else call him that, he wouldn’t hesitate to knock them out cold, but Tommy was different. Tommy did it in a way that would pull at your heartstrings, not mock you in the same way echoes in an empty cave would. 

With as much strength as he could muster, Tommy moved his hand over to Wilbur’s collar and pulled it closer. He felt too tired to cry, but he did so anyway. Streams of green and yellow discharge flowed out of Tommy’s nose, smearing it all over Wilbur’s white shirt. 

“I was so worried...” Tommy mumbled into Wilbur’s shirt. “I was so worried, Wil. I thought I… I thought I killed you…” 

“Tommy, I’m fine.” Wilbur tried to reassure him. “I’m right here. Everyone’s safe. You don’t have to worry.”

“I saw him...'' Tommy continued to murmur shakily. “...and then blood…and then Kristin…”

“You were just having a bad dream, Tommy.” Wilbur reassured him, shifting his hand through his sticky, curly hair. “That happens when you’re sick sometimes. You’re okay. You’re safe, I’m safe, everyone else is safe. There’s nothing to worry about.” 

Wilbur noticed Tommy trying to pull the warm blanket off of him, but his arms felt like they didn’t work and they couldn’t quite get a proper grip. Like the nice brotherly figure he was, Wilbur gently took the blanket off of him and Tommy sniffled in gratitude. 

With eyes shifting nervously around the room, Wilbur focused on the thermometer and medicine on the table nearby, eagerly reaching for them as Tommy whined and reached out his hands like a toddler. Crawling back, he stuck the thermometer in Tommy’s mouth, the youngest going still for a few seconds before it beeped. Wilbur removed it and quickly began reading the numbers. 

38.5 celsius. 101.3 Fahrenheit. Still a fever, but it was going down. 

Technoblade walked into the living room, holding a glass cup of ice water. Tommy perked up slightly, sniffling in response. Wilbur helped Tommy shift his body upwards into a sitting position before he shakily took the cup from Techno’s hands. Tommy carefully brought the cup up to his lips, feeling the cold liquid soothe his sore throat. He drank as much as he could before pushing it away, letting Technoblade put the rest of it on the table. 

“So, what’s his temperature?” Techno queried.

“38.5.” Wilbur responded. “Still really high, but I think it’s going down. Phil said it was 39 or something like that last time they checked.” 

“39? That sounds pretty high.” Techno commented. “No wonder why he’s delirious.”

“Isn’t it around 40 where it can be very harmful to your health?” Wilbur thought out loud before he scoffed at Techno. “Then again, you're a stupid American and you probably have no clue what I’m talking about.”

“Trust me, I know when someone is sick.” Techno rebutted. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.” 

“Probably wouldn’t hurt to give him more medicine, would it?” Wilbur fretted. “Didn’t they say they found him around three or so in the morning?”

“Yeah, no wonder why they’re exhausted.” Techno murmured to himself, looking at the back of the medicine bottle. “It says you can use up to 20 milliliters every six hours. He’s probably alright to have some more.” 

Techno meticulously poured out some medicine into the cup, Tommy just lucid enough to notice that he was in safe company so as to not freak out again. Techno gave the cup to Tommy and he downed it without any trouble. Techno was almost impressed that he didn’t complain, but that might have also been brought on by his fever. 

Tommy coughed into Wilbur's shirt again, more gross discharge coming from his nose and mouth again. Wilbur grimaced, but tried to keep it under control for Tommy. The last thing he wanted to do was to make Tommy feel more uncomfortable than he already was.

Wilbur hummed a familiar song under his breath, not only to help soothe Tommy, but to calm himself as well. Tommy did his best to follow along, but exhaustion dragged him under its current. He yawned, rubbing his face deeper into Wilbur’s chest like a toddler before finally sinking into a heavy sleep, snot still bubbling from his nose. 

With Tommy sound asleep, Wilbur took off his white shirt, tucking it under Tommy’s head so he wouldn’t mess up Phil’s couch. He was going to wash that old shirt when he got home anyway if Tommy didn’t already irreversibly stain it with his disgusting bodily fluids. 

There was nothing really unique about Wilbur’s upper body other than a faint scar on his belly where his appendectomy was. There was nothing “romantic” or “dreamy” about him that Techno could see. Then again, it would be weird to be attracted to someone you were living with that you saw as a “younger brother”. And besides, Techno didn't have an interest in romance, so he wasn't the right person to ask. 

Techno took off his flannel shirt, handing it to a now shirtless Wilbur. Techno always wore t-shirts underneath his flannel shirts so he could feel more comfortable. He always loved wearing t-shirts, but with the scar on his arm, it wasn’t really something he wanted to broadcast to the whole world. Aside from that, flannels could be really scratchy along his back, so he always wore t-shirts to combat that. 

But God, he would do anything to cover Wilbur up like a civilized human being. 

“Techno, don’t you need that?” Wilbur asked hesitantly.

“Not as much as you do.” Techno looked away in disgust. “Just… put some clothes on so I don’t have to look at…whatever that is.”

Did Techno forget who he was living with?

"You've only been living with us for a month, Technoblade." Wilbur smirked in response as he took the plaid shirt from Techno’s hand. “You’ll get used to it.”

Techno lived with two “men” who were mentally teenagers. He would get used to them being like this. For now, Techno was just too defined for his liking. In time, he would soften out a bit more. He certainly would not be the only one.

In more ways than one, they were like brothers.

~~~~

The first thing Tommy could register was fire, burning through the wooden walls around him. 

Tommy didn’t know where he was. This house didn't seem familiar to him, but yet it did. It was like the inside of one of those old shacks from a movie or something. There was no furniture, only wooden planks all around him. 

He wasn’t quite sure how he got there, but he needed to get out fast. 

As he started running away from the flames, Tommy saw a familiar figure standing in the distance. Tommy carefully walked closer, noticing more of the person’s features. Tommy could make out those eyes and fuzzy brown hair from a distance. 

Tubbo? What was he doing here? 

Tommy started running towards a door to safety before he looked behind him to see that Tubbo didn’t even move an inch. He looked on with a sad smirk almost like he was a statue. There was a certain gleam in his eye that just screamed self-destruction which made Tommy's heart sink.

“Tubbo! Come on!” 

No response.

“Snap out of it! We need to get out of here!”

Still no response.

“Toby, please!”

Tubbo’s smile got wider.

“Tommy, I'm so sorry.” Tubbo tragically grinned, speaking with the same tone as he did on the roof. 

“Wha-what do you mean?” Tommy stuttered. “Come on, we need to get out of there.” 

From behind Tommy’s friend, a shadow took form. The figure was masked, his dark glasses reflecting the flames. His mask and coat were covered in soot and dried blood. In his hands, he held a knife, shining brighter than Tommy had ever imagined.

Ranboo, that traitorous bastard, coming to take his friend away again.

“Toby, no!” Tommy shrieked, but it was already too late. 

In one quick slash, the blade ran across Tubbo’s throat, unleashing a stream of blood that cascaded down. Tubbo tried to take a few breaths, but only gurgling chokes of pain came out. Tubbo focused his dying gaze on Tommy for as long as he could, death clinging to the rims of his vision like shadows in a candlelit room. Tommy could only look in horror as the light from Tubbo’s eyes faded and he tumbled lifelessly to the ground like an old ragdoll. 

Tommy looked up at his friend’s killer, his hands clasped around his gaping mouth.

To his surprise, Ranboo showed not an inch of sympathy for the lifeless body of his friend at his feet. Instead, he kicked Tubbo’s head around like a cat would do with its catch, watching as more blood gushed out of his wound. Even through his mask, Ranboo looked happy, almost euphoric to see his friend dying in front of him.

A wave of rage ran through Tommy, his fists shaking. Not only did he abandon them, but he also killed Tubbo, his best friend. If he could do that to Tubbo, he had the power to do that to his other friends if he hadn’t already. 

“You bastard!” Tommy jumped towards him, his hands still in fists. 

Ranboo managed to grab his wrists, but Tommy was still able to knock him down by kicking his knee. Ranboo fell awkwardly onto the ground, releasing Tommy from his grasp. He managed to get to his feet again, although he was a bit stumbly by the attack. 

With Ranboo distracted, Tommy noticed the bloodied knife on the ground and ran to pick it up. With Ranboo rushing towards him, Tommy stuck the knife into his attacker’s throat in a state of panic. But to his surprise, the knife dissipated into smoke like it wasn’t there in the first place, hardly leaving a scratch. 

With Tommy stunned, Ranboo leapt forward, pinning him to the burning floorboards. Ranboo’s masked face was hardly even an inch away from his own, melting plastic from his glasses dripping onto his face. Ranboo’s hands grasped tightly around Tommy’s throat, suffocating him as he squirmed beneath the masked man. 

“I’ll see you in hell, Tommy.” Ranboo growled into his ear, sizzling with hate as Tommy choked in breaths.

Tommy knew he was going to die. Tommy knew this was going to kill him. But then again, it would be for the best. Tubbo was already dead and his other friends would be safe if Ranboo hadn’t already gotten to them. He had nothing else to lose.  

“I’ll meet you there, asshole!” Tommy growled back, ready to attack. 

With both feet, Tommy kicked into Ranboo’s chest, forcing him upwards. Tommy grabbed onto his former friend’s shoulders, although Ranboo did the same with him. They wrestled there for a few seconds before Tommy overpowered him with the last of his strength, ready for his grand finale. 

With one final push, Tommy threw himself into the flames, sending Ranboo down with him. But to his surprise, the fire didn’t hurt Tommy one bit. It felt weird, almost ticklish in a way. He knew how fire felt when he came too close to it, but this wasn't it. 

Tommy looked down to see Ranboo sizzling beneath him, his body completely consumed by the flames. Underneath his hands, the wooden floor burned up into thin air. Tommy looked around for the walls or Tubbo’s body, but it was all burned up. There was nothing but warm colors burning together and brushing against his body. 

The warm reddish-orange and golden hues of the fire turned to a dazzling white, devoid of any other color. Then the white turned into a fair light gray of someone’s ceiling. Tommy was confused by this sudden color change, but he was amazed by it either way.

Tommy groaned as he rolled onto his side and looked around. He was on a couch in someone’s living room. Someone in a graphic tee was walking over to him and kneeling to rub his unkempt hair. The other man had pale blue eyes and the largest smile Tommy had ever seen.  

Tommy was confused by all of this. How did he get in here? Wasn’t he fighting Ranboo just a second ago? 

“Welcome back, mate.” The man greeted Tommy. “You feeling better?”

Tommy sat up, feeling at his throat in response. Now that he thought about it, his throat didn’t feel so sore and he didn’t feel like the thermostat in his body was broken. His head still felt a bit fuzzy and his body still felt achy, but might’ve been the sickness still messing with him. 

Tommy must have had a nightmare. With all the stress he had to suffer with, there was no doubt that something must have chased him into his dreams. If anything, the fever Tommy caught from somewhere must have intensified things. 

“Hmmm.” Tommy could only respond sleepily, rubbing his eyes. 

“Still not feeling good, are you?” The other man replied. “You’ve been asleep for a while. It’s pretty late in the afternoon.” 

“Phil?” Tommy looked around in confusion before stopping to yawn and stretch his arms. “Where is everyone?”

“I finally got Kristin to lay down about half an hour ago.” Phil updated Tommy. “She refused to leave your side, even for a second. As for Wil and Techno, they went out to get you some stuff. They should be back any second now. Techno was thinking about calling Tubbo this afternoon if-” 

“Tubbo?” Tommy’s face lit up when he recognized the name. 

Phil cracked a smile. “I see you’re back to your old self already.” 

Tommy nodded his head rapidly, at least as much as his still sore throat would allow him to. When he tried to stand up, a wave of dizziness brought him tumbling down. Tommy fell onto Phil’s chest, conscious but still tired. Phil pushed Tommy back onto the couch, letting him fumble back over onto his side in exhaustion. 

“How about we take it easy for a while?” Phil reasoned. “You’re not going anywhere for a couple days and we’re not going anywhere either.” 

“Awww, Philllllllll…” Tommy whined, much quieter this time. 

“You can’t whine your way outta this one, mate.” Phil stood firm before walking away. “I’ll go get you some stuff to make you feel more comfortable and then you can rest.”

Tommy was irritable but at least he had forgotten mostly about his fever dream. 

~~~~

When Phil woke up, the end credits of a movie were rolling. 

Phil looked out the window to see that it was pretty late into the evening. The sun had already gone down and everyone else was asleep. Techno was slumped against the couch, his scarred arm covered by an old plaid jacket Phil had laying around that he ruined while painting the house. Wilbur was lying on the floor, sprawled out on a soft black blanket with an army of pillows around him. Styrofoam containers were scattered across the floor, holding crumbs that were once fish and chips from a nearby restaurant. 

But something was missing. Or someone. 

Tommy!

Phil stumbled off of the couch, a little lightheaded from standing up so fast. From what happened those last few times Tommy disappeared, Phil didn’t want to take any chances. He checked the dining room and kitchen. He checked the bathrooms. He checked the laundry room. He checked both his and Kristin’s offices. Yet, there was no sign of Tommy anywhere.  

Defeatedly, he staggered sleepily towards his bedroom, still yawning. Slowly walking to his wife’s bedside, he noticed someone beside her. Tommy was wrapped around Kristin’s waist, sleeping peacefully like he didn’t almost give Phil a heart attack. Phil pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned, far too tired to kick Tommy out. 

Phil’s groan caused Kristin to blink open her eyes tiredly, shifting slightly in the bed when she noticed her husband was right in front of her. Phil noticed her waking up and responded with a gentle grin.

“You have yourself a little fellow, don’t you?” Phil chuckled, bending down to comb through her unkempt hair. 

“Whacha talkin’ abou’?” Kristin asked in a confused manner, her voice slurred by sleep.

Phil guided with his hand as Kristin followed along, lifting the blanket slightly to reveal a few locks of golden hair from Tommy’s head. Kristin looked down, noticing Tommy’s flushed face pressed against her arm. He looked better, but he was still sick. It would take a couple days for him to fully recover from whatever virus he’d gotten from somewhere, but Phil and Kristin would be there every step of the way.  

“Hey, get some rest, sweetheart.” Phil lightly kissed Kristin’s forehead. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” 

“G’night, Phil.” Kristin salivated into her pillow, half asleep. 

Phil chuckled as he closed the door behind him and let the two sleep. With everything the both of them have been through, it was the least he could do. 

Phil never made it to the living room. 

Wilbur found him sitting right outside the door of the bedroom in the morning, sleeping with his head in his arms like a pouty toddler. Wilbur lightly nudged his leg with his foot, causing him to stir. He opened his eyes and coughed into his arm before he had the chance to respond. 

Wilbur backed away carefully like Phil had cooties or something. “Called it. He has COVID. Gross bastard.” 

“No, I’m sure he doesn’t.” Phil groaned tiredly. “Jesus, why do you have to complain about everything?”

“Hey, I’m not the one who hurt themselves moving furniture, old man.” Wilbur retorted, making a stupid face. 

“Well, I’m not the one who just got punched in the fucking face, Wilbur.” Phil returned, making Wilbur flinch. 

Ouch, that hurt worse than the punch did.

Chapter Text

It was pretty early in the morning and Tommy was awake.

Tomorrow, Tubbo was going to be released from the psych ward and Tommy couldn’t be more excited to see his friend again. He hadn’t seen him since that day he went with Tubbo’s parents. From the looks of it, Tubbo was starting to look more like himself and less like the depressed mess he was in the early days.

Quietly, so as not to wake up Techno or Wilbur, he started to gather everything. Tommy stuffed a few pairs of clothes into an old backpack his parents got him as a child before running out the door. He wasn’t going to be gone for long, only for a couple nights and everyone knew where he was going. 

When he walked outside, he noticed the sky booming with the bright colors of sunrise. The tall buildings reached the pastel clouds that reminded him of candy floss. Silver and gold tinsel clung to the streetlamps and signs around the street, giving it a seasonal feel. 

When Tommy saw that familiar white car stop in front of him, his heart started pounding. Tommy picked up his red backpack from the pavement and started walking towards the car. He opened the car door and- 

Oh, it was Kristin. Just perfect. 

Tommy jumped in the car anyway, avoiding Kristin’s gaze. Since what happened on the bridge, the interactions between them had been awkward. Tommy tended to ignore her, still too wracked by guilt to confront her about it. Kristin wanted to talk to Tommy about it as well, but she could never find the right time or place where they could be alone. 

For the first few minutes, the car ride was silent. Kristin focused on the road through sorrowful eyes and Tommy’s face was sullen. Not even the cheesy songs on the radio cheered them up, only making them sulk more.

“Kristin, I think I owe you an apology.” Tommy sighed, finally gathering enough courage to start talking.   

“To be honest, Tommy, you owe all of us an apology.” Kristin responded honestly. “You really worried all of us the past few days. With the bridge and-” 

“I know, I know.” Tommy looked away. “I haven’t been feeling myself, alright? I know that’s no excuse, but-”

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.” Kristin empathized, putting her hand on his thigh. “This whole thing… it’s been hard for me, too. I heard you call Phil right after Tubbo attempted. You sounded so heartbroken. I’ve never heard someone sound so sad. If you want to talk about what happened-” 

The strong mask Tommy tried to put up shattered and he finally broke down, sobbing into his hands. Worried by all of this, Kristin pulled the car over as soon as she could and started to comfort him to the best of her ability. 

“Kristin, I’m sorry!” Tommy repeated wetly through sobs. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…I never meant to hurt you… I never meant to do this to Phil or Wil or Techno… I promise I won't do this to you again… I’m sorry…”

“Shhh…” Tommy's regurgitated apologies were drowned out by Kristin's motherly cooing as she rubbed his curly hair and pulled him towards her chest. “It’s okay. You can cry as much as you need to.”

They just sat there for a few minutes, Tommy continuing to cry and Kristin continuing to comfort him. Some sad songs started to play on the radio as if to mock them. Eventually, Tommy started to calm down and his crying turned to wet sniffles. 

“Tommy, is it okay if I start driving?” Kristin asked, slowly pulling away. 

“Yeah, go ahead.” Tommy mumbled under his breath, pushing Kristin away.  

The car ride remained silent for a few more minutes as the duo tried to compose themselves. Tommy looked down at his hands, unable to look at social media since Wilbur explained everything on one of his Twitch streams a few days after Tubbo’s attempt. He didn’t go into much detail, but it was enough to get the point across. All he said was that Tubbo was going through something and he wouldn’t be streaming for a while and telling people not to pressure him to return. 

“Tommy, have you ever thought about therapy?” Kristin asked out of curiosity, her hands still on the steering wheel. 

“Therapy?” Tommy tilted his head in confusion. 

“Yeah, like a therapist?” Kristin elaborated. “I feel like maybe you might want to see one with everything that has happened in the past year.”

“But I don’t need one.” Tommy pouted. “I can deal with things by myself.”

“If you could deal with things by yourself, this wouldn’t have happened.” Kristin asserted. “And besides, I think it would be good if you had someone like that to talk to. Me and Phil both do.”

“Well, I’m not like Phil and I’m not like you.” Tommy sulked deeper into his seat. 

“Just try it for me.” Kristin begged. “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back. You need help, Tommy.” 

Tommy started, clearly uninterested. “I know I-”

“Then why don’t you let us help you?” Kristin cut Tommy off. 

“I’m not sure.” Tommy responded, raising his tone. “Someone needs to be the strong one here.” 

“Being strong means getting help, Tommy.” Kristin argued on the brink of tears. “It isn’t normal for people to go through stuff like this alone. You need other people to help you. Tommy, when I saw you on that bridge, my whole world came crashing down, you don’t know how much you mean to me. Please, let me get you some help. I get it if you hate me for what I did on the bridge, but please let me help you.”

Tommy looked away, trying to process all this information like an old fax machine. He knew Kristin cared about him. He knew Phil and Techno and Wilbur cared as well. He’d been to a therapist before in Nottingham with his parents, but never by himself. In the process of moving to Brighton, he pushed that all to the side. Kristin was right. This wasn’t normal and he needed help.

“In many ways, you remind me so much of Phil.” Kristin said nostalgically, her voice breaking through the silence and Tommy’s thoughts. “You know, he didn’t want to go to one at first. Not that there was anything wrong with him, I just wanted a marriage counselor to help strengthen our relationship. Pretty soon, we both started talking to her and Phil started to really like her. I think you’ll like her, too.”

“I’ll go on one condition.” Tommy promised. “That you and Phil come with me.” 

“That’s a deal.” Kristin agreed. “It would be nice for Techno and Wilbur to go see her as well, but for now, I’m just focused on you. You’re the funniest, most outgoing kid I've ever met. Sure, you worry me, but there were times where Phil and Wilbur and Techno worried me, too.”

Yeah, there were too many times to count. It was hard to pinpoint which one worried Kristin the most, but Tommy must have set a new record. If Kristin was any older, he would have actually given her a heart attack.

“I’ve told you this once, but I’ll tell you again.” Kristin reminded Tommy. “If you ever need to talk to someone, don’t be afraid to come to me or Phil. You know we’ll both understand whatever you’re going through. Or at least we’ll try to.”

“Yeah, that sounds better than falling off bridges and worrying you to death.” Tommy grinned, his eyes still swollen from crying. 

“Yeah, much better.” Kristin smiled back for a second before turning her gaze back on the road.

Tommy smiled, feeling that heavy weight of guilt on his chest evaporating into nothing. Talking about how he felt made him feel good. He forgot how that felt for a while. A therapist would do wonders for him, especially during a hard situation like this. 

Maybe he should listen to Kristin more often. 

~~~~

There was a loud knock and Lani ran as fast as she could to the dark oak door. 

Tommy was standing there, wearing a red shirt and a red backpack that just screamed his brand. He looked down at Lani, towering over her like a lamppost would to someone passing by. But then again, he was like a lamppost to nearly everyone he met. 

“Tommy, I’m glad you’ve come back.” Lani gave a weary smile, tightly hugging Tommy. “I’ve really missed having you around.” 

“I’m glad to be back, Lani.” Tommy smiled back and rubbed her hair. “After all, you’re my best friend’s little sister.”

Lani turned and walked up the stairs, picking up her red mug of hot chocolate with a melting mountain of whipped cream on top.

“How’s Teagan dealing with all of this?” Tommy chatted as he walked up the stairs with her. “Any change?”

“No, it’s the same as always.” Lani awkwardly looked away. “She hardly leaves her room. If she does, she always has her face stuffed in a book like she’s trying to ignore us. It worries me to see her this way because it reminds me of how Tubbo acted before he-”

Lani stopped, unable to finish her sentence. Tommy knew what she was going to say, but Tommy didn’t need to finish it for her. She stared longingly at Teagan’s door, the cracked door showing her thankfully asleep on her bed, oblivious of the conversation about her just outside her door.

“If you want me to talk to her, I could.” Tommy suggested, also looking at the door. “I think I might understand what she’s going through.”

“No, we’ve all been going to this new therapist the psych ward recommended.” Lani clarified. “It seems to be helping her a lot, but she still seems pretty distant from us. It’s a way to help her cope. As for me, she’s really helped me deal with my own feelings following… well…what happened to him…”  

Lani opened the door to her bedroom, looking a lot like her streaming room without the bulky computer. All of Rocky’s old stuff was in there, including his toys and cat tree. Some of his old bowls had been brought inside and filled with canned chicken and water. It looked like there had been a new cat living there, but there was no cat in sight. 

“Had Toby mentioned anything really concerning before he attempted?”  Lani looked away, as she closed the door and sat down on her bed. “Anything on any calls or anything.”

“What do you mean?” Tommy asked curiously, sitting down right next to her. 

“I was cleaning out his loft a couple days ago. You know, so we don’t get rats or anything when I found something that kind of disturbed me.” Lani looked down at her mug of hot chocolate, the mountain of whipped cream already starting to dissolve. “Tommy, has Toby been drinking a lot?”  

Tommy sat there, stunned. He could remember the last call he had with Tubbo - the one the night before he attempted. Tubbo was sobbing uncontrollably, his voice so slurred that Tommy couldn’t make out a single word. Tubbo eventually hung up on him, leaving Tommy confused as hell. Tommy brushed it off as Tubbo just being drunk, but now, he wished he stepped in and did something about it.

“There was a time he called me before.” Tommy turned his head towards Lani, guilt crawling up his spine like a grapevine. “Why’d you ask?” 

“I found a lot of empty bottles.” Lani confessed. “You know, of beer and stuff. I guess he's been drinking a lot to deal with… whatever he's going through.” 

Tommy often joked about doing hard drugs and sometimes went out to responsibly drink with friends, but in reality, he was absolutely horrified by it. He knew so many people who were negatively affected by drugs and alcohol in one way or another. To see Tubbo suffering like this and unable to do anything about it made his stomach twist. 

“I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.” Tommy commented sadly, unable to say anything else. “This shouldn't have happened to you.”

“It’s fine, but I don’t see why people actually like to drink in the first place.” Lani turned away, cringing at the thought. “I can’t even stomach the smell of it.” 

“I get that.” Tommy nodded in response. “I’m scared as hell of stuff like that as well and what it can do to people. If you need any help, I’ll be right here for you.”

“Thank you, Tommy.” Lani gave a tiny smile. “I’m glad to have a friend like you during this time.” 

“You’re welcome.” Tommy blushed. “You don’t know how much you’ve helped me as well.”

Just then, a gorgeous silver tabby walked through Lani’s open window. The cat had the brightest golden eyes Tommy had ever seen, almost like a glistening coin at the bottom of a fountain. Her delicate paws hardly made a sound, her plumed tail wrapping around her body as she laid down on Lani’s lap. 

“Oreo, what are you doing here?” Lani asked the cat, but the cat only responded with a gentle meow.

“Oreo?” Tommy tilted his head in confusion. “You guys have a cat now?”

“No, well…sorta…” Lani tried to explain. “She just kinda followed me home one day and I’ve been taking care of her ever since. She mostly lives outside but sometimes she comes inside for food and to sleep. If my parents knew I adopted her without telling them, they would kill me.” 

“You know that it'll eventually have to come out?” Tommy responded. 

“I know, but my parents have so much on their plate right now.” Lani looked away guiltily, petting the cat on her lap. “I don’t want to add any more than I have to. And besides, I’m not sure everyone’s ready after Rocky…” 

Tommy believed Lani would have been the most heartbroken after Rocky’s death, but Lani wanted to move on rather than stay in the past. Unlike Tubbo, who never really got over whatever happened to Ranboo. Then again, they never got closure with Ranboo, while Lani got plenty of closure with Rocky. He was an old cat and it was just his time.

“Don’t worry.” Tommy promised, petting Oreo as well as she purred happily under his touch. “Your secret’s safe with me. If it does come out that you can’t have her right now, I’m sure we can find someone nearby who can. I know they live an hour away and your parents don’t trust them as much as I do, but I’m sure Phil and Kristin could adopt her and you can see her from time to time. They’ve adopted the rest of us. I’m sure they’d understand.” 

“Pinkie promise?” Lani swore, holding out her pinkie as she gazed into Tommy’s eyes. 

“Pinkie promise.” Tommy smiled, his pinkie locking into hers. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.”

~~~~

Tommy knew something was wrong when he heard someone crying at two in the morning. 

Slowly rising from the living room couch, Tommy made his way up the stairs and through the hallway, past the bedrooms where Lani and her parents were sleeping. The house was dark, save for a few nightlights that stuck out like fluorescent mushrooms sprouting from trees. 

Tommy peeked through the cracked door in the gloomy hallway, the sounds of soft sobbing still filling the air. Teagan was clutching onto a pink pillow, crying into it like her life depended on it. Her room was a mess, pillows and blankets scattered everywhere like a tornado just whizzed past. 

“Teagan?” Tommy whispered, barely audible enough for Teagan to hear him. “You alright?”

“Yeah.” Teagan composed herself as much as she could. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You don’t look like it.” Tommy stood in the door frame with a concerned look on his face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

‘“No.” Teagan firmly denied Tommy’s help. “I told you I’m fine. Now go away.” 

Tommy knew the signs far too much. Snapping at those he loved. Distancing himself from everyone like he had some sort of disease. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he did so anyway. If anyone needed his help right now, it was Teagan. 

“Look, I know this has been hard on all of us.” Tommy walked closer to the bed and patted Teagan on the back. “But you can’t just hide away and expect things to get better. Trust me, I tried.” 

“Get your hands off of me.” The younger one growled, forcing Tommy to move away.

Tommy was a pretty affectionate person. If a fan ever came up to him on the street, he would give them a big hug. It was just something casual he learned from his time with Wilbur mixed with his friendly personality. He just had to remember that not everyone liked that and that was okay. 

The duo sat in silence for a while, stewing in emotions before Teagan mumbled something under her breath that stirred something in Tommy. 

“Excuse me?” Tommy responded politely, not quite picking up what Teagan said. “Could you repeat that for me please?”

“I’m angry at Toby.” Teagan sputtered out again before she exploded with emotion. “Why didn’t he tell any of us that he was feeling this way? We could have helped him before he got to this point. I just…” 

Teagan screamed into her pillow, her face streaked with lines where tears had been. Teagan was visibly upset and Tommy could understand why. He was still angry at himself for letting things get this way. If he’d been there for Tubbo more, maybe he wouldn’t have attempted. 

“Hey, it’s okay to be angry.” Tommy comforted her, still keeping his distance. “I’m angry too.”

“And I’ve been afraid that I was going to lose Lani in the same way...” Teagan continued to cry, curling up into a ball. “And I’m afraid Toby might attempt again… and this time, we might actually lose him… I don't want to lose my older brother or my younger sister… not in the same way…”

“Is that why you haven’t been out with your family lately?” Tommy looked away, trying to piece everything together. “You’re afraid to lose the people you love?”

Teagan nodded, rubbing her face into the wet pillow. Tommy wanted to respond through touch, but he hesitated and let Teagan cry on her own. It hurt Tommy to see Teagan like this, but it hurt him even more that he couldn’t comfort her the way he normally did.

“Teagan, would it help if I stayed?” Tommy suggested, the words tumbling out of his mouth.

Teagan looked up and started wiping away her tears. “What do you mean?”

“Like, stayed with you while Toby recovered?” Tommy clarified. “Lani mentioned it a few weeks ago and it sounds like you need all the support you can get.” 

“Yeah, that would be nice.” Teagan turned away shyly. “It gets kinda boring staring at these four walls all day with the same old people.” 

Tommy understood. Although he technically had more than one home, he liked the change of scenery. There was just something about getting out that got his blood pumping. The fresh air, the interaction with new people, it all made him feel alive. 

“I’ll see how everyone I live with feels about it first.” Tommy thought out loud. “I don’t think they’ll mind. It’ll just be for a few months, no big deal. It’s not like anything’s going to change. I’ll just be around more often, helping your brother adapt to his daily life.” 

“Yeah, I think that will help all of us.” A sigh escaped Teagan's lips as she looked back down at the carpeted floor.

Tommy looked out the dark window slightly above them, seeing two familiar shimmering eyes staring back at him. It had to be Oreo, ominously looking down at him with watchful eyes. It was like Rocky never left to begin with, but at the same time was replaced with a ghostly version of himself, distanced through death and the foggy windows that blocked out the cold world outside. 

“You’ve noticed that weird cat too?” Teagan pointed out, surprising Tommy.

“You know about the cat?” Tommy wondered. “She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, my parents say not to mess with it.” Teagan explained in more detail. “It could have rabies or something. I don’t know why it keeps hanging around our house. It’s not like we go outside much anyways.” 

Tommy had met Oreo before. She wasn’t foaming at the mouth or aggravated in any way like a rabid animal would be. She was a perfectly fine cat who had probably been around humans before. Almost too relaxed around humans, if anything.

Tommy just hoped one day everything would turn out alright.

Tubbo would be able to walk again, perking back to the old friend Tommy once knew. Oreo would no longer roam the lonely streets by herself, instead sleeping and eating by Lani’s side. Ranboo would be nothing more than a faded memory lost in the depths of cyberspace, withering away from thought like a burning piece of paper. Tommy would no longer have to worry about losing his friends to the demons who lurked in their own minds.

Unfortunately, things wouldn’t always work out that way. 

Mental illness doesn’t just go away on its own. It was just a thing people had to deal with. Tommy knew it wasn’t damning, but it was hard to watch Tubbo suffer without being about to do anything about it. 

After all, what could he do? He almost lost his best friend. 

He overlooked the obvious signs all around him but he was so stuck in his own little world that he couldn’t see it. He was busy helping Wilbur write songs or streaming or some other bullshit while Tubbo sank deeper into his depression. Eventually, his friend started to drown in his own dark thoughts before they finally consumed him. 

But Tommy wouldn’t let that happen anymore. 

Tommy was going to be his light in his darkness if he couldn’t see. If Tubbo started to go down, Tommy would jump in after him, even if they both went down together. Tubbo was never alone, and Tommy was going to make Tubbo see the joys of living, even if he disagreed at first. 

Tommy knew Tubbo would do the same for him, no matter what.

Chapter Text

“Good morning, Tommy.” Teagan greeted Tommy, who just stumbled into the kitchen. 

Teagan was smiling. Whatever Tommy did last night must have helped in some way. Either that or Teagan was just excited to see her brother again. Either way, Tommy was just glad to see Teagan smiling again. 

“Mornin’, Teagan.” Tommy looked around, no sign of Mr and Mrs Smith anywhere- they were usually the first people awake. “Where are your parents?”

“They had to go get Toby from the psych ward.” Teagan responded. “They’ll be back in a few minutes.” 

“It’s a hospital, Teagan.” Lani groaned. “A few minutes means foreverrrrr.” 

“In the meantime, they got us some cinnamon rolls for breakfast.” Teagan pointed to the container on the table. “If I know my brother, they’re probably going to get something while they’re out.” 

The kettle finished boiling with a click and Teagan filled a beige mug with the water before placing a tea bag inside and searching the open cabinets for honey. Finally finding it, she got out a spoon and started mixing it around, watching the water change colors. 

Tommy looked around the kitchen. He noticed some drawers and cabinets locked up with combinations. Tommy was confused at first, then he remembered the whole situation. It was probably smart that they locked up whatever dangerous objects Tubbo could use to hurt himself, even if he was going to be pretty stationary for a while.

“Tommy, Lani, you want some tea?” Teagan offered, snapping him out of his reverie. “It’s Earl Grey.” 

“No, I'd rather have Coke instead.” Tommy responded dully, opening the fridge and taking out a can. 

“You really want to have Coke with your cinnamon roll?” Lani asked, pouring a glass of milk into a large cup. “And at…” She glanced at the clock. “Whatever time it is? You’re weird.” 

“Well, it’s better than cow cum.” Tommy countered, Lani taking a roll for herself as she chuckled. 

“Milk is different from semen.” Teagan stifled her laugh. “But alright then, suit yourself.”

“Smartass.” Lani egged her sister on as Tommy walked over towards the kitchen table.

“Because I actually read, you birdbrain.” Teagan combated with an insult that sounded slightly Shakespearean in nature. “Video games don’t count.”

“Hey, I read enough.” Lani perked up. “I know English, Teagan. We live in England after all.”

“Really? What books?” Teagan lectured. “I’ve just finished reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and…”

Hearing Teagan and Lani blabbering reminded him so much of him and Wilbur. How Wilbur would start talking about something chaotic and Tommy would join in before escalating into a friendly argument before Phil would come and chop it down. 

Tommy sat down at the table with his soda and looked outside the clear sliding door. He noticed the pretty silver cat sitting on a wooden fence, licking her front paws before jumping into someone else’s yard without a care in the world. Maybe if Tubbo had a feline companion like Oreo, maybe it would help him get over Ranboo. 

Oreo could help the rest of Tubbo’s family as well if Lani was willing to share. 

~~~~

A few hours later, the oak door opened up. 

A squeaking sound filled the air as a wheelchair was rolled inside. The boy who left the house a month ago in tears was back, his legs still wrapped up in hefty casts with his enderman still lying on his lap. The casts were littered in small drawings and names of people he met in the hospital and psych ward. 

Tubbo breathed, embracing the familiar smells he missed. Tubbo never thought he’d see this place again. It looked chaotic and messy, but it still looked like home. They must have been so stressed out about Tubbo’s situation that they hardly had time to put up any Christmas decorations.  

Tubbo glanced to the side as his parents put down the objects they were holding, including a few small paintings Tubbo made in therapy. Tommy was sleeping on the couch, holding a sister in each of his arms. Seeing Tubbo’s sisters curled up next to Tommy like that made him give off a small smile. 

When Tubbo wrote that note the night before he attempted, he knew Lani and Tommy had a special bond. He wondered if Lani even knew it existed. He hid it pretty far down in one of the jacket’s pockets and it was pretty crumpled up. She probably threw it away thinking it was an old receipt or a gum wrapper or something. 

Who would blame her? The jacket didn’t even belong to them anyways. 

“Mum, Dad, I-” Tubbo turned back to his parents before being cut short by a tight hug.

“No need to apologize, son.” His dad muttered into his ear, crying tears of joy. “We’re just so glad to have you back.” 

“That morning, we thought we lost you.” Tubbo looked into his mum’s eyes, brimming with tears as his own eyes began to reflect that. “Lani was panicking and we weren’t sure why… until she explained the note to us. When we got that voicemail from Tommy, we feared the worst had happened to you. Then we saw you in that hospital bed and our whole lives… just came crashing down...” 

Seeing his mum break down shattered Tubbo’s heart. His own mother, the person who gave birth to him, crying in his arms. It didn’t help that his father was crying as well. The two people who raised him were in tears over their son. 

“You don’t know how lucky you are to survive with injuries you got.” His mum tried to collect herself as she discussed his condition in greater detail, making a monsoon of emotions surge inside him. “The impact just barely missed your spine. It could have parayzed you… or worse. We could have lost our baby boy...”  

Those words hit him like a truck. It shouldn’t have, but it did. All those words they said in the hospital hardly fazed him, but since he was home, he’d become hypersensitive. He knew more was coming, so he let it happen. After all, the worst was yet to come.

“Your mum’s right, Toby.” Tubbo’s dad added as they continued to cry, making the words sting more like salt in a wound. “For a while, we weren’t sure you were going to survive. Just please promise us you won’t do anything like that again. We can’t stand to lose you like that. You’re our only son. No one else can replace you.” 

“I know you’re an adult now, but you’ll always be our little Toby.” His mum pleaded, tears still burning in her eyes. “We want to help you in any way we can. Just please promise us you’ll tell us next time before you think about doing something like this.”

Tubbo was conflicted. He knew all those people loved him. His parents did the best they could to raise him. His sisters would always be by his side. His friends never had a bad word to say about him. But something stronger than all their love combined still held him down, even with all the weird drugs that still lingered in his body. 

While he was being pulled towards life, a small part of him still wanted to die. It was like a cotton ball slowly being pulled apart by sharp, shadowy fingernails. But for now, all of those dark thoughts would have to be put on hold. He couldn’t do much with his legs all wrapped up in casts and everyone would have their eyes on him now to watch his every move. 

It was the psych ward all over again. Just hopefully, he would have a little more privacy and wouldn’t be sharing it with any weird strangers and intrusive nurses. Hopefully, the comfort of his own home would give him some relief. 

“I promise.” Tubbo hesitantly pledged, holding his parents tighter. 

~~~~

The rest of the afternoon was full of emotions. 

Everyone kept crying, telling Tubbo how much they missed him and were glad to have him back. They ordered Chinese from a nearby restaurant for dinner and ate together for the first time in a while. Tubbo talked happily about the psych ward and all the misadventures he had, much to the discomfort of everyone else. 

From the sounds of it, Tubbo was getting better, but there was no way Tommy was leaving Tubbo like this. His legs were far from healed and he still had a long way to go before they would be back to normal. 

But something else raced into Tommy’s mind as he noticed the look of worry on everyone’s faces. He hadn’t spoken to his parents since he moved out. Sure, they’d texted from time to time, but they never really talked. His parents surely had no clue what was going on with Tubbo, not that he really wanted them to know anyways. Tommy wasn’t ready to drop something heavy like that onto them. 

However, it would be nice to go back to Nottingham for a couple days. He missed his parents. He missed Eryn and Freddie and Walter and Betty. He liked Brighton, but there was truly no place like Nottingham. Brighton just lacked that nostalgic factor that his hometown had. 

A tight embrace interrupted Tommy’s thoughts, feeling Tubbo’s head on his shoulder as he laid on the couch. Tommy curled up to Tubbo as much as he could, carefully avoiding his fragile legs that were still bundled up in casts. It would be a while before Tubbo would gain full use of them again, but at least he was confined to the house. That would make it a lot harder to jump off buildings and such. 

“Hmmm, I owe you big time, Toms.” Tubbo said in a sleepy tone as he snuggled closer. "Maybe we could do something together when I get out of this mess." 

“I promise you, Toby.” Tommy nodded, accepting the cuddles. “You’ll get out of this mess and I’ll help you every step of the way. In many ways, you already have.”

“Mmmm, yeah, ‘spose so.” Tubbo blinked sleepily for a few seconds, trying to focus his tired eyes before giving up and letting his head plummet onto Tommy’s chest. 

Tubbo snored heavily as he fell into unconsciousness, a surefire sign he was dead to the world. It was probably the fastest he’d fallen asleep in ages. Tubbo talked a lot about what happened in the psych ward, but all that human interaction tired him out quickly, especially when he was already depressed. 

“Awwww, Toby!” Lani gushed as she walked into the living room, combing her fingers through his dark brown hair as she ran up to him. “Today must have taken a lot out of him.” 

“I’m glad to finally have him back home.” Teagan sighed happily, walking in behind her.

“Me too.” Tommy agreed, smiling sleepily as he lightly brushed Tubbo’s cheek. “He’s back where he belongs.” 

Chapter Text

Tommy walked out of the therapy office and sighed once. He felt much more relaxed. 

His first therapy appointment went as smoothly as it could have. Dr. O’Connor asked a few questions to get to know Tommy and what he did and who he was. Within a few minutes of talking, Tommy felt a bond he hadn’t felt in a while. 

Talking about the bridge or Tubbo’s suicide attempt felt like being stabbed every time the spoke about it, but they hadn’t really spoken much about it in detail yet. So far, he was both looking forward to and dreading it. He knew it was a subject he needed to bring up, but for now, he could breathe easy.

He had someone he could talk to. Someone he could lay all his troubles on without spreading it out to the world. Not that he didn’t trust everyone else, he just needed a therapist to help with coping with the stress of fame and everything that went down in the past couple months. 

The air was crisp with the sharp smell of winter. It reminded him a bit of that night on the bridge but a lot dryer and mixed with Kristin’s strong perfume and baked goods from down the street. It was mixed with the bright blue sky above and the Christmas decorations hung on every corner.

“You ready to go?” Kristin asked, tightly gripping his hand like she would with a rambunctious toddler. “I think Techno found another restaurant that you might enjoy.”

“What’s the theme of this one?” Tommy giggled. “Cowboys or something?”

“Eh, maybe.” Kristin shrugged. “The places he’s found so far have been.. interesting.” 

Being the new guy, Techno had been interested in all the restaurants around Brighton. However, he yearned for something more than beans on toast or fish and chips- he wanted some good American food, or any good food that wasn’t British, really.

After all, he was stuck on that tiny island with them. 

Due to Techno’s obsession with finding new places, the five of them have been to places in the city they’ve never thought of going before. It was fun getting out and about and finding these new places and it sounded like Techno wasn’t the only one who liked it. Tommy sure as hell did. 

“C’mon, Phil’s waiting for us in the car.” Kristin pulled Tommy’s arm towards the white car Phil normally drove everyone around in. 

Man, Kristin must have been hungrier than Tommy thought. 

~~~~

“I think I’ll get number seven with a death by chocolate milkshake.” Techno ordered with a smile on his face as the waitress took his order. 

“Will that be all for everyone?” The waitress asked. 

“Yes, ma’am. I think we’re good.” Techno politely responded as the waitress walked away. 

“Ordering a milkshake with your bacon cheeseburger?” Phil chuckled. “You really are American.” 

“Who am I to judge?” Techno rolled his eyes. “You got a chicken sandwich, Phil.” 

“It’s a chicken salad sandwich, Techno.” Phil corrected him.

Techno only snickered.

Meanwhile, Tommy sat quietly sandwiched between Phil and Kristin, stewing in his own thoughts. Therapy surely helped, but he still had a lot on his mind. Tubbo, his parents, all the people around the table. He didn’t want to leave them all behind. 

He tried to distract himself with the decor around the restaurant that reminded him of a really crappy diner from the 50’s, but the thoughts still came to him and pounded into his head like a drum, growing louder and louder until they couldn’t anymore. 

Tired of all the commands pulling at his brain, Tommy finally spoke up. 

“Can I… talk to you guys about something?” His voice was no higher than a whisper. 

“You know you can talk to us about anything, Tommy.” Wilbur tilted his head. 

“I think I- I'm going to move in with Tubbo’s family for a while.” Tommy looked down, avoiding eye contact with everyone as he pressed his hands together. “Just until he gets better. I hope you don’t mind.”

As the table fell silent, Tommy remained uncertain for a moment. Fearing judgemental stares, he continued to look down as he fidgeted with his hands. He didn’t need to be senselessly hurt by words they couldn’t quite let out. 

“Of course we don’t mind.” Wilbur was the first to respond from across the table. “That’s a wise choice.” 

“What?” Tommy’s eyes started to light up as he looked into the older one’s brown eyes. “You really think so?”

“Yeah.” Wilbur responded honestly. “He really needs someone like you in his corner, especially during such a dark time like this.“ 

“We’ve always got each other’s backs, mate.” Phil jumped in. “Always had and always will.” 

“Look, it’s your choice.” Kristin joined. “You’re an adult now and you can make your own choices. Whatever you decide, we’re going to support you.” 

“No matter what, we're going to stand by that.” Techno agreed, pointing at him. “A hundred and ten percent.”

“Techno, that’s not mathematically correct.”

“I’m an English major, not a math nerd.”

“I bet you didn’t even graduate.” Tommy pestered. 

“Says you.” Techno scoffed, knowing the both of them dropped out of college.

“Besides, I’m not thinking about going to Tubbo’s house yet.” Tommy paused for a second. “What happened… that night made me think about some people I haven’t spoken to in a while.”

“Your family?” Phil suggested. “Your real family?”

“Yeah, I haven’t really spoken to them since I moved here.” Tommy elaborated. 

“You haven’t spoken to your parents for about a year ?” Phil raised his tone, stiffening up in his seat.

“Phillip, your tone.” Kristin reminded him sternly, notioning him to sit back down.

“Sorry, Kristin.” He sighed, slouching back down.

“Yeah, I know.” Tommy shifted his eyes away. “My parents are perfectly fine people, I’ve just been so caught up with everything that I’ve never really got to talk to them. But I was thinking about surprising them by coming home for Christmas right after I go celebrate Tubbo’s birthday.”  

“I think that’s a good idea.” Techno commented. “I was thinking about celebrating Christmas with Phil’s family instead of doing whatever the fuck Wilbur does during Christmas. Probably spending it with the band he keeps breaking up.” 

“Hey!” Wilbur interjected. “My band’s on hiatus, not broken up.”

“Anyways, after I get back from Nottingham, I want to spend the last week of 2022 with you guys.” Tommy promised. “Next year, I’m not leaving Tubbo behind. I’m going to be there every step of the way while he recovers.” 

“And we will too.” Techno pledged. “I know what Tubbo’s going through isn’t easy, but we’ll help him get through it together.”

“That sounds like a good plan.” Wilbur offered. “I know some good places around Brighton we can go to if he feels up to it.”

“I don’t think we should overwhelm Tubbo with bars and strip clubs.” Phil responded, half-teasing but still serious.

“No, like museums and parks and shit.” Wilbur groaned. “Jesus Christ, Phil.” 

“I would like to go see some places around here.” Techno commented. “I’ve only been here for a little more than a month and I’ve never really been out and about.”

“Yeah, we’ve all been stressed out over streaming and all this other shit this year that we haven’t really settled down and taken in our surroundings.” Phil confessed. “I have to admit, we’ve all been guilty of it.”

“I had a chat with Tubbo when he was at the psych ward.” Tommy revealed, looking back to his lap. “He said he wasn’t planning on returning to streaming anytime soon, if ever.”

“That’s fair.” Kristin spoke up hesitantly. “He didn’t really seem happy streaming after… he left, didn’t he?” 

“I’m not sure, Kristin.” Tommy shook his head, still avoiding her gaze. “If he wants to stream again or not, that’s his choice. I’m not here to guide him back to streaming. I'm here to guide him back towards life. If I can’t do that, I’m a horrible friend.”

“No, don’t say that.” Kristin put her arm around his shoulder. “You’re a good friend. We all think so.”

“How come he never told me he was feeling this way?” Tommy looked back at her with sad eyes, wiping away some of the tears starting to form.

“Well, sometimes, it’s hard for some people to reach out.” Kristin started to explain. “They don’t realize they need help until they’re already slipping. That’s when they need a few helping hands to pull them out. Tubbo just seems to be that type of person.” 

“You know him better than anyone, Tommy.” Phil agreed. “I think it would be good for you to move in with him. He needs all the help he can get.”

“And besides, maybe it would be good for the four of us to spend more time together without Tommy around.” Wilbur chatted, only to be returned with harsh glances.

“Not that we don’t like him, I just missed the time we had together.” Wilbur looked away nervously. “Just the three of us like the good old days. Maybe Kristin can join in.”

Ah yes, the original Sleepy Bois Inc when it was just Phil, Techno and Wilbur. Far before the annoying little blond tagged along and started causing mayhem with the others. They didn’t hate Tommy, but they missed hanging out with each other without Tommy around. 

“That sounds like a good plan but I still want to be there for Tubbo.” Techno agreed, but cautiously.

“Of course.” Wilbur approved. “We may not live with him, but that doesn’t mean we’ll leave him behind.” 

Tommy smiled brightly. This was the best family he would have ever asked for. All these people from different walks of life came together to take care of each other. Sure, he loved his birth family and Tubbo’s family was almost like a second family to him, but nothing could outdo the people at this table. 

When he was with them, he was home and that was something no one could take from him. 

~~~~

“Raccoon.” Tommy pointed at a little stuffed animal sitting on the shelf, his eyes going wide. 

“That’s a red panda, Tommy.” Wilbur explained. 

“Raccoon.” Tommy repeated, grabbing it off the shelf. 

Wilbur snickered as he rolled his eyes at Tommy’s childish antics. “You’re still a child.” 

“Well, you’re still a bitch.” Tommy responded a little too loudly. “It’s a raccoon.”

“Tommy!” Phil scolded him. “Not so loud. We’re in the children’s section.” 

“Or what?” Tommy challenged. “You going to start calling me a muffinhead?”

Before he could respond, Phil’s phone started ringing, catching him off guard. He reached to get it, noting that it was his wife.  Normally she would just text him if she wanted something, but now she was calling. What could she be calling about?

“Hey, Kris.” Phil cheerfully started before hearing his wife speak on the other end, his voice turning much more serious as the call went on. “Oh. Oh, okay. That doesn’t sound good. No, not at all. We’ll be out there as soon as we can. Bye, love you.”

Meanwhile, Tommy and Wilbur continued to argue on whether the creature in Tommy’s hands was a red panda or a raccoon. The creature had a reddish gray tint to it, so it could have easily been identified as both. 

“Ok, guys.” Phil sighed as he placed his phone back into his pocket, both boys giving Phil their attention. “The Watsonmobile is leaving so grab whatever you need to.”

“But Phil, didn’t we have all afternoon?” Tommy asked, grabbing the red panda.

“We did before Techno started throwing up.” Phil groaned, exhausted. “Told him drinking three large chocolate milkshakes in one sitting would make him sick.” 

“What a dumbass.” Wilbur whispered under his breath, forgetting he was still in the toys section.

“Wilbur!” Phil whipped his head around angrily.

“Sorry.” Wilbur put his hands up in defense. 

Phil turned to Tommy. “Tommy, grab your raccoon and let’s get going.” 

“Finally, someone agrees with me.” Tommy stuck out his tongue at Wilbur as he followed Phil to the check-out line.

If they weren’t around children, curse words and middle fingers would be flying everywhere. 

~~~~

“Which bag would you think Tubbo would like?” Tommy asked Wilbur, holding two bags in his hands. “The one thats striped like a bee or the one that looks like a honeycomb?” 

“Hmmm, I think he would like the bee one.” Wilbur suggested. “It matches your present more.” 

“Yeah, I was thinking that too.” Tommy put the bags down. “Looks stripey.” 

Tommy placed the creature in the bag before stuffing it with a handful of yellow tissue paper like it was made of glass. He wanted Tubbo’s present to be handled with care.

“Wilbur, is there anything else you think Tubbo would like?” Tommy asked Wilbur, who was watching from the mattress  

“I have some photos from some vlogs and stuff we’ve done together.” Wilbur sat up, looking around for some of his photos that were scattered across his room. “Maybe he’d like to have them.”

“Don’t you want them?” Tommy tilted his head curiously. “I mean, they’re yours. You took them.” 

“Tommy, have you seen this place?” Wilbur turned his attention back to Tommy and snickered. “It’s a mess. I need to get rid of some of my extra shit.” 

“Why?” Tommy responded snarkily “So you can make room for more?” 

“Well, we also have one more person living with us, so yeah.” Wilbur responded in the same manner.

“Oh, forgot about Mister Blade for a second.” Tommy trailed off as he looked away.

“How the fuck did you forget about the Blade?” Wilbur retorted, but Tommy wasn’t paying attention. “Did you hit your head or something? He’s been living with us for the past month.”

Tommy wasn’t one for paying attention. Even the smallest thing could distract him from his main goal, even if it was as simple as a butterfly or a car speeding past. But somehow, the plastic bag on the nightstand called to him. 

“What’s in that bag over there?” Tommy pointed. 

“What bag?” Wilbur looked away, trying to deny what Tommy had found.

“The plastic bag over there, you sneaky bitch.” Tommy asked again. “On the nightstand?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Wilbur moved towards the bag and placed it in his lap. “Just something I’ve been working on for someone special.” 

Wilbur pulled a broken wreath out of the bag. A familiar wreath that Phil had picked out when they went to a craft store one time to get supplies for a pumpkin-carving stream just a few weeks before Tubbo’s attempt. Tommy assumed it might have broken when he stormed out that fateful night. 

“Wait a minute.” Tommy pieced together everything in his mind. “That’s Phil and Kristin’s wreath! You stole it from them?”

“Yes, but for a good reason.” Wilbur tried to justify, but Tommy wasn’t buying it. “I found it on the kitchen table. I was thinking that I’d fix it and give it back to them while they were in Newcastle as a surprise. What do you say?”

The wreath wasn’t fitting for the Christmas season. The wreath was made of fake black roses arranged in a circle with a crow sitting in the middle. It was meant to be a halloween decoration, but with the couple’s obsession with crows, it became something more. 

“I don’t know, Wilbur.” Tommy turned to the brunette. “That’s still stealing. You’re going to go to jail.”

“Oh, please.” Wilbur scoffed, making a motion with his hand to show he didn’t care. “He wouldn’t even know that it’s missing. He’s going to be all the way in Newcastle. That's like seven hours from here. And besides, I’m just going to put the wreath on his door, I’m not going to break in or anything.” 

Wilbur’s ways of showing love were unconventional to say the least. There was no doubt that he was socially awkward, but they still loved him for it and they didn’t want him any other way. Even if they bordered on the law, Wilbur would do anything to show his love. 

“Oh, Wilbur.” Tommy smiled as he sighed. “You dirty, dirty crime boy.”

Then they heard retching from the other room. No doubt Techno was awake. 

As soon as they got home, Techno collapsed onto the couch. He hardly had time to close his eyes before sinking to slumber, so it was sorta creepy seeing his half-closed eyes twitch around as he muttered in his sleep.  

Thankfully, they left a bin for him to vomit in and some water if he was able to hold down liquids. So far, it didn’t sound like he was. They should probably check on him to see if he was alright. They both couldn’t handle bodily fluids very well, but it was clear Techno wasn’t going well. 

“Should we…” Tommy paused.

“Yeah, we should.” Wilbur nodded, rising from the mattress and leaving the room.

Wilbur only took a few steps outside the door and shouted. “EY, TECHNOBLADE, YOU ALRIGHT?” 

“Never better.” The man in the living room called back before spitting into the bin again. 

Yeah, he was alright. Maybe a little sick, but alright. 

Chapter Text

“This one’s my favorite.” Tommy grinned as he held up a stuffed animal. 

It was a brown calf with budding horns and a felt cowbell around his neck. It looked like one of those shaggy cows on Highland Drive that would get out of their field sometimes and ended up in the road. Even before the SMP, Tommy and Tubbo both liked cattle, so it was no surprise it was the first gift Tommy had ever given him. Hard to believe it had been a couple years since then. 

“Tommy, that’s Henry.” Tubbo snickered as he reminisced. “You got him for me the first time we met. Of course he’s your favorite.” 

Tommy looked back at the collection of other stuffed animals Lani moved from his loft just a few days before. Luna, a black wolf with a red scarf that Teagan got for him after he broke his arm one time. Murphy, a small black and white goat Tubbo got at a petting zoo with his family. Grayson, a gray diplodocus he got from a field trip to a science museum. And of course, Little Boo was laying on his lap as well. 

Looking out the window right next to him, Tommy noticed a treehouse. It was overgrown with leaves and vines and it clearly hadn’t been used in years. From the fading bright colors on the chipping paint, Tubbo and his sisters must have used it as children.

“That’s a pretty nice treehouse.” Tommy’s compliment caught Tubbo off-guard. “I’d never seen you go up there before.”

“Yeah, my dad built that when we were younger.” Tubbo looked away sadly, rubbing his face into his enderman like a cat would do with a toy. “None of us have been up there in quite a while.”

That treehouse made him sad, but in a nostalgic way. Tubbo missed having that closeness with his sisters like he used to, back before streaming and responsibilities and personality differences drove them apart. Back when the only things they had to worry about was homework, chores and a strict bedtime that kept them in line. He missed that old routine- it wasn’t like that anymore.

“No wonder you got so strong.” Tommy complimented, although that probably wasn’t the best thing to compliment him about at that moment with his current condition.

“Gee, thanks.” Tubbo smiled sadly, looking down at his legs. “Needed to be strong to survive.” 

From the moment he was born, the world kept trying to kill Tubbo. Yet, Tubbo survived time and time again. Even when he tried to kill himself, Tubbo still survived. Whatever deity that made him must have wanted to make him suffer and so far, Tubbo was the most miserable man on the planet. 

“Tubbo, you’re getting stronger every day.” Tommy lightly touched his leg, their eyes locking. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Tubbo didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t really say anything. He didn’t want to be stronger. He wanted to be dead. He wanted to be happy- he wanted to be wherever Ranboo was because that, at that moment, seemed like the only thing that would make it better. But yet, he was still here, a sad mess with mangled legs. Tommy and his family would do anything to prevent him from dying, which was both a blessing and a curse.

It was a pretty interesting ethical dilemma. Would it be better for a suffering person to live or to die? Humans were funny like that. They would try and prolong the lives of the terminally ill while they would let mental illness slip under the radar until it was too late. Hell, if an animal was suffering as much as Tubbo was at that moment on the roof, they would go ahead and put him to sleep. 

Oh, how he longed for someone to put him out of his misery. 

But Tubbo was young. He still had a life to live. To have it cut down so short would be a tragedy, especially by his own hands. But when the urge for living was overshadowed by the urge for dying, there was a clear problem. A problem that couldn’t be corrected by yourself. Instead, you’ll have to be drugged and pounded with repetitive activities until you find a clear reason for living.

And so far, Tubbo was still struggling with that. 

“Toby!” His downward spiral of thoughts was cut off by a feminine voice from the other room. “It’s time for dinner!”   

“Well, I guess it’s time to eat.” Tommy sat up, stretching. “I heard your mum made pork chops.”

“Techno’s not going to like that.” Tubbo joked, trying to hide the dark thoughts inside his mind. “Being a pig and all.” 

“Yeah, I’ve seen him eat bacon before.” Tommy bantered back. “I have quite a bit of blackmail on him.” 

“Ooooo, scandalous.”

“We also got you a cake.” Tommy added. “Your sisters picked out some good ice cream, cookies and cream and some chocolate chip cookie dough.”  

“Oh, those are like the best flavors.” Tubbo’s mouth began to water.

Tubbo hadn’t had any good sweets since his attempt. The last thing he could remember having was a cheap muffin from a corner store where he used to buy beer and cider for the nights when his thoughts got too bad. Honestly, a squished chocolate chip muffin that cost two pounds in his jacket pocket was a pretty dumb last meal, even by his standards.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Tommy started to roll the wheelchair into the kitchen. “Let’s go eat.”

Sweet foods. That could be something to live for. As trivial as it may sound, that was something he missed in the psych ward. If he died that night, he would have missed out on all the cake and ice cream his heart desired on his birthday. Maybe being alive wouldn’t be so bad as long as there were small things to remind him why he was here.

Maybe it wasn’t about the big things in life, but rather the small things.

~~~~

“Here, open mine!” Tommy said eagerly, handing Tubbo a striped bag. “I saved the best for last.”

Tubbo had already gotten so many gifts for his birthday. Small games and fidget toys to keep him busy, stickers and tape for his scrapbooking, plenty of stuffed animals to hold onto, a yellowish field bag with a cute little bee emblem. Yet, Tommy saved his gifts for last, knowing it would be Tubbo’s favorite.

Seeing Tubbo hold his bag, Tommy’s eyes lit up. He had been so excited to give him the present that he had to stop himself from spoiling it several times. He bounced on the sofa, his body jittering happily as he waited. 

Tearing through the mountains of yellow paper, Tubbo eventually came face to face with something soft and fluffy. The caniform had a reddish gray tint to it, along with round ears and a bushy tail. It had fuzz on its face like muttonchops and little inky paws. 

Looking into the caniform’s eyes, Tubbo could clearly pick out a name. Her name was Bandit, just like the way Tommy stole his heart over and over again. But also that was just a stereotypical name for a sneaky critter so he didn’t put too much thought into it. 

“So, do you like my raccoon?” Tommy smiled, hoping for an agreeable response.

Tubbo loved Tommy, but sometimes, he just wanted to have a little fun. Tubbo could tell that it was a raccoon - a red panda would have a brighter hue of red. But maybe if he let Tommy believe he thought it was a red panda, it would get his goat.

“Sure.” Tubbo smiled with shifty eyes, perfectly trolling him. “It’s a very nice… red panda.” 

Tommy’s heart was crushed. It was clearly a raccoon, not a red panda. Everyone who thought it was a red panda was stupid. He would totally bash in someone’s head with a frying pan if they thought differently.

As Tommy quickly explained why it was a raccoon and not a red panda in one breath, Tubbo could only smile. It was nice seeing his friend back to his old self. Maybe Tommy will go back and live his life without him, but that seemed unlikely.

Maybe life with Tommy wouldn’t be so bad. 

Looking down, Tubbo casted his eyes on a yellow envelope at the bottom of the bag. Opening it, he noticed that it was full of polaroid pictures of all the fun times he had with his friends. He noticed a distinct lack of Ranboo pictures, but he couldn’t care less at that moment. He was too busy relieving all of the old memories with his friends in his mind.

Wilbur must have taken them. In many ways, Wilbur was like an older brother to him as well and Tubbo couldn’t be more thankful. Wilbur was closer to Tommy if anything, but Wilbur would still be there for Tubbo every step of the way, even if he couldn’t use his legs.

But one picture Tubbo couldn’t remember caught him dead in his tracks.  

It was a picture of Tubbo lying in a hospital bed, his legs suspended in the air. A dopey smile was slapped across his face, showing he wasn’t quite there as he threw up a sloppy peace sign, an IV still attached to his forearm. Wilbur’s head was bobbing in the corner like some form of primitive selfie, that goofy yet tired smile plastered on his face. Their hair seemed to interlock, Wilbur’s cleaner curls against his slovenly tangles. 

Tubbo looked down at the stupid caption Wilbur always wrote under the photos like some sort of autograph. Wilbur always did that, leaving some stupid remark that would make everyone laugh and a story that explained everything on the back. But nothing about his attempt was a laughing matter and everyone knew that. 

11/3/22 - St. Richards, Chichester, UK

We love you, Tubbo!

Wilbur must have snagged this photo the day after he… well…

I know I probably shouldn’t have taken pictures of you in the hospital without your consent but you looked so cute in that bed and couldn’t help myself. I wanted to remember you like this and not in pain. We can’t wait to spend more time with you when you feel better, even if you don’t go back to streaming right away. We all love you and we hope you feel better soon, both mentally and physically.

Tubbo’s eyes started to tear up, although he tried to keep it under wraps so everyone wouldn’t get suspicious. No use crying over a stupid photo. A stupid photo of this imposter in the bed, smiling and laughing like he didn’t just try to kill himself. 

“Toby, you alright?” Lani spoke, a look of worry cast on her face. 

“Yeah, it’s nothing.” Tubbo replied, wiping away the tears with his sleeve. “Just an old photo, that's all.”

Tubbo put the photo back in the envelope, but the picture and the words related to it still burned in his memory. He didn’t need another reminder that he failed his attempt. He was still there and Ranboo wasn’t. He still needed to be with Ranboo, but all these people around him wouldn’t let him go.

But this pit of emotions isn’t so bad when you have people to pull you out. 

He still had Tommy. He still had Wilbur and Techno and Phil and Kristin. He still had his family and the members of the SMP. Tubbo wasn’t as good at math as he was when he was younger, but there were at least twenty or so people who had his back.

Maybe living wouldn’t be so bad. 

~~~~

The house was quiet once again.

The television was tuned to some stupid superhero movie, but Tubbo was hardly paying attention. He was so lost in thought while everyone else was asleep. They were all huddled up on a large pile on the couch, clinging onto each other. Tommy, however, was still awake, looking down at his phone and texting someone on the other end of the couch. 

Wait, the picture he made for Tommy. Tubbo needed to give it to him before he left. 

Tubbo didn’t know when that was for certain, but it was alright starting to get dark so he knew it would be soon. He was only spending Tubbo’s birthday there, then he was going to go all the way up to Nottingham to surprise his parents for Christmas. 

“Tommy, stay there for a moment.” Tubbo twisted his head over to Tommy before looking back over to the painting in the corner of the room. “I have something to give you.”

Tubbo rolled his wheelchair over towards a canvas in the corner, careful not to crush his artwork. Wheeling back around, he placed the painting in Tommy’s hands as he peered at it. Tubbo rolled away, letting his friend inspect the artwork. 

“Tubbo, what’s this?” Tommy looked at the painting curiously. 

“I made this for you in therapy.” Tubbo looked away, not wanting to see the look on Tommy’s face. “I’d thought you'd like it. I wouldn’t blame you if you were still mad at me. I’m still mad, too.”

“Tubbo, I’m not mad at you.” Tommy sighed. “Not anymore. I’m mad at myself. I should have been there for you and I wasn’t, I was so caught up in my work that I forgot about your feelings and that was really selfish of me.”

“No, I was the selfish one.” Tubbo held Boo closer as he sobbed out. “For God’s sake, I attempted suicide. Look what happened to my fucking legs.”

“Why would you be selfish, Toby?” Tommy spoke calmly, his promising voice laced with honesty. “You are going through something that a person can’t deal with alone, but I’ll be here all the way and I’m not leaving you behind, even for a second. That’s why I was thinking after I get back from Nottingham, I’ll come and live with you.”

“Really?” Tubbo’s eyes lit up.

“It'll be after New Year’s but I promise you that I’m not going anywhere.” Tommy pledged. “I’ll stay with you as long as it takes for you to get better. Hell, I’ll even stay forever if you want me to.”

“You don’t have to.” Tubbo averted his eyes, holding the enderman close to his chest. “I know you have a life and stuff.” 

“I know, but I want to stay here with you.” Tommy looked at him with trusting eyes as he touched the top of Tubbo’s hand. “You’re my friend, Toby. Friends don’t leave friends behind, no matter what you put us through.”

Tommy looked back to the painting. It looked nice with elegant colors of green, blue and gray splattered on the canvas. Tommy noticed an orange cougar on a crag, peering over a few travelers helping each other up a mountain. A snake danced around the traveler’s feet as loose rocks and clouds foreshadowed what the travelers had coming, but there was an unopened chest at the top, covered in shiny golden paint.

“So, why did you paint a mountain?” Tommy coughed uncomfortably, changing the subject.

“Well, we all have different reasons why we climb the mountain, Tommy.” Tubbo explained wisely. “But no matter why we climb, the path isn’t easy and it’s far from complete. There will be new challenges at every step. Some will help you while others will tear you down. But yet, you’re still climbing anyways. Even if you fall, there will be other people at the bottom to pick you back up.” 

Tommy expected something like this to come from Phil or his parents or some old guy on the street, not from Tubbo’s mouth. Tommy couldn’t even tell if this was the same person or not. Whatever happened in that psych ward changed him, hopefully for the better. 

“How do you know all this?” Tommy blinked in awe.

“Oh, it’s something one of my nurses explained to me.” Tubbo perked up as he blabbered on. “Got to spend some time one on one with her. Her name’s Hayley and she’s very sweet.”

“I guess this is a reward for saving your life.” Tommy chuckled awkwardly, a little uncomfortable hearing Tubbo talk so confidently about the psych ward like it was nothing.

“Hell yeah it is.” Tubbo replied, smiling. “Feels so good to be back.”

“Well, it’s nice to have you back, bitch.” Tommy punched Tubbo’s arm in a friendly way.

“Same here.” Tubbo smiled back, slightly rubbing his sore arm. 

Even if it was for a minute, Tubbo put Ranboo in the past. Now, it was time for the future. A future he could envision without Ranboo. He couldn’t change the past. He couldn’t change whatever happened to Ranboo or his attempt, but he could try to learn from it and bury it deep in the ground. 

He knew Ranboo wouldn't return, but he had no choice but to at least try to live without him.

~~~~

Tubbo had a good birthday. 

Well, as good as it could be given his condition. He got a lot of gifts from his family members and friends, scattered all over the living room where he was staying until he could properly walk again. With his wheelchair, the upstairs of the main house and his loft, which had been his bedroom for the last two years, were no longer an option for him. 

Tubbo was lazing on the couch, tightly holding Bandit in his hands. Tommy had left just a few minutes ago and his family had moved from the couch so he could sleep, leaving him alone in the dim living room. The envelope with the pictures Wilbur took laid on his chest, reminding him of the fun times he spent with his friends. 

It was still pretty early in the evening by streamer standards, but Tubbo was already being lulled to sleep. With a belly full of food and a warm blanket wrapped around him, it already seemed pretty tempting. He just stared at the walls, waiting to drift off.

“Hey, Toby.” Lani walked up to her brother with an unsure look on her face. 

Tubbo drowsily tried to sit up and greet his sister, but the pain in his legs still reminded him of what he’d done. It wasn’t as bad as it was as soon as he hit the ground, but it was still quite painful. At least in the hospital, they had good drugs to ease his pain. But now, he just had to deal with the pain whenever he moved for a while.

“Hey, Lani.” Tubbo grimaced as he sat up. 

“I have a gift for you.” Lani smiled but Tubbo could detect grief in her expression.

There, right in Lani’s hands, was Ranboo’s jacket, folded neatly into a square. Tubbo took the monochrome jacket away from Lani, feeling the warm fabric brush against his skin. The jacket clearly just got out of the dryer, so Lani must have washed it just for him. 

“H-his jacket?” Tubbo stuttered. “You still have it?” 

“You… gave it to me the night you attempted.” An expression of sadness adorned Lani's face as she looked away. “I thought you would want it back.”

“But… don’t you want it?” Tubbo was shocked. “I gave it to you for a reason.”

“It belongs to you, not me.” Lani patted the jacket as she looked back into her brother’s soft eyes. “I know how much he meant to you. I don’t want to take that away.” 

Lani knew that her brother wasn’t in his right mind that night. One thing that she learned from her therapy group for families of attempt survivors was that suicidal people tended to give away their most important belongings just before they are about to take their own lives. Wherever her brother was going, he didn't need it anymore. But maybe, with the right therapy, he would learn to love life again and would want that jacket back. 

As for Tubbo… he was glad to have it back. It made him sad, but it also reminded him that there was still a piece of Ranboo with him, even if he wasn’t right there by his side. Tubbo placed the jacket onto his lap, trying not to put too much pressure on his casts. 

“Thank you, Lani.” Tubbo gave a soft sigh. “You don’t know how much that jacket means to me.” 

“Toby, I’m just so glad to have my brother back.” Lani was close to tears as she rushed towards him for a hug, trying not to crush his legs. “I really missed you.”

“...I missed you too.” Tubbo returned the hug, his own eyes starting to brim with tears. “I couldn’t wait to come back home.” 

“We still need you, Toby.” Lani sobbed into Tubbo’s shirt. “Mum and dad need you. Teagan needs you. I still need you. You’re the funniest, bravest person I’ve ever met. Sure, you’re stupid and stubborn at times, but that’s what makes you my big brother. That’s something nobody can replace.” 

Tubbo needed to say something to assure her, even if it wasn’t entirely true. Maybe he’d start to believe it in his heart that he wasn’t depressed. He’d learned to be numb for months after Ranboo left. He’d get used to a lifetime of being numb. 

“I promise I won’t do something like that again.” Tubbo hesitantly pledged, holding back his true intentions.  

Well, there was some truth to that. He’d never try to jump off a building again, that’s for sure. As for the whole suicide thing, he’d have to wait until later when he could actually use his legs and be trusted to be independent. 

Tubbo’s mind was conflicted on living and dying. It was like those big scales to balance things. On one end, he had all the people to live for, but on the other, he had the sweet release of death to fall back on. 

“Also, Tommy got this for you.” Lani opened her hand, revealing a mooshroom.  “I named her Daisy.

“Daisy.” Tubbo repeated, his eyes wide with wonder. “That's a very fitting name. I would name her something stupid like Shittake or Henry Jr. but Daisy is a far better name than anything I could have come up with.” 

“Yeah, she’s been keeping me company since you were in the ward.” Lani tightly held Daisy in the same way Tubbo held Boo. “She sits by my desk while I… I think about you.”

The psych ward didn’t allow much. No sharp things or long strings to hurt yourself or someone else with. Hell, Boo hardly made the cut. Tubbo knew his scrapbook wouldn’t have made it past, but he genuinely forgot about Tommy’s gift. If he’d known, he would have brought it in as well.

With the way Lani held her, it must have given her some sort of comfort. Sure, Tommy wasn’t gone like Ranboo was, but she must have forged a deep connection with him while he was away. 

As long as it gave her comfort, she could keep it.

“Lani, I think you should keep her.” Tubbo granted, placing his hand on her shoulder. “It sounds like Daisy kept you company just like Boo did to me.”

“But she’s yours.” She countered. “Tommy gave her to you.”

“Yes, and I give her to you.” Tubbo countered back, smiling.

“Toby, you don’t have to do that.” Lani pulled back, taking the mooshroom with her. 

“I mean, it’s a trade off.” Tubbo encouraged, holding Boo tighter in his arms. “I get the jacket back and you get Daisy.”

“You know what?” Lani looked down at Daisy before rubbing her face in her soft cotton. “That’s fair. How’s your birthday been?”

“It was good.” Tubbo confessed. “Not the best, but we’re working on it.”

“I hope so.” Lani beamed. “I can’t wait until you can walk again. There’s so many fun things I want to do with you whenever you get to feeling better.”

“Like what?” Tubbo raised an eyebrow.

“Remember when our parents used to go take us to feed the ducks?” Lani reminisced. “The place where we would sit on the bench and feed them loaves of bread?”

“Yeah, I remember.” Tubbo sighed sweetly. “Then we would go and get ice cream afterwards? Oh, that was the best.” 

“Maybe we can convince Teagan to join us sometime.” Lani blinked away sadly, holding Daisy tightly to her chest. “I know she’s really into her studies and all that but I miss having my sister around.”

“Same.” Tubbo looked down sorrowfully. “I wish she was around more often.” 

Even before Tubbo’s attempt, Teagan really just did her own thing. They all did, actually. Mum and dad worked pretty normal jobs. Teagan read a lot and researched schools around Europe that she would be interested in. Lani continued to stream and play games with her friends. Tubbo stayed in his loft, doing anything and everything to forget about Ranboo, mostly oversleeping or drinking until he couldn’t see straight.    

His attempt really shook things up, didn’t it?

“I think I-” Lani yawned, stifling it with her hand as she staggered towards the stairs. “I think I’m going to go to bed now.”

“Alright.” Tubbo waved happily. “Good night, Lani!”  

“Sweet dreams, Toby.” Lani responded, wobbling over towards the stairs as she gave a limp wave of her own. 

Tubbo uncomfortably readjusted himself on the couch, surrounding himself in a warm blanket around his legs and a suffocating tower of stuffed animals. Bandit and Boo took up a space in each of his arms. 

He did the thing that every teenager did before going to sleep: check his phone. 

He wasn’t disappointed to see a stream of friendly messages from all his friends from the SMP. He scrolled up to the very top, not wanting to miss a single thing. All he saw was his friends, giving him encouraging words and wishing him a happy birthday.  

Maybe he should send a little message just to show he was still alive. 

Dream:

Happy birthday Tubbo! :)

Sapnap:

YOOOOOOOOO

19 YEARS!

GeorgeNotFound:

I'm so proud of you!

You’ve come so far!

Ph1LzA:

Happy borth mate :D 

Both me and Kristin are thinking about you today

Technoblade:  

Eat a lot of cake before those orphans do >:)

Fundy:

Should have invited me >:O 

Anyways i hope you’re doing well my friend

CaptainPuffy:

I'm sorry you had to go through this but you will overcome this!

I’m here if you need me!

Nihachu:

We’re so glad you’re finally home now!

Jschlatt:

How are you doing today buddy?

We’ve missed you

Tubbo:

I guess I'm doing alright.

Still recovering 

You know

Eret:

Take your time friend :D

You don’t need to rush back into streaming

Your mental health always comes first

JackManifoldTV:

I know it’s hard

But you’ve got this champ!

TommyInnit:

TUBBO IS BACK 

POGCHAMP

Tubbo:

:P 

I’m older than you

Child

TommyInnit:

Correction: It’s big man to you

Tubbo:

I wouldn’t discredit Jschlatt

He’s the big man

TommyInnit:

>:((((

Yes, the server was back to its old, chaotic self. 

Tubbo turned off his phone and placed it to charge, pulling in a few deep breaths to calm himself. He tried not to focus too much on the dark thoughts that still chewed at his mind like beavers at rotting wood. Instead, he curled closer to the stuffed animals on the couch as he tried to sleep.

Me-ow! Me-ow! Me-ow! Me-ow!

Tubbo hadn’t noticed the cat before he attempted, so she must have come some time after he did. Sometimes he would see her golden eyes staring at him through the windows at night or her silver fur as she hung around the house during the day. Everyone seemed to ignore her, but Tubbo could catch a longing gleam in Lani’s eye when she looked at the cat.

“Go away.” Tubbo grumped at the noisy cat. “I’m trying to sleep!”

As cruel as it sounded, he hoped something happened to that dumb cat. Nothing bad, just that she got taken to the shelter and adopted by a nice family who loved her even more than his one. As much as Tubbo would like to keep her, he had so much on his plate at the moment and taking care of a feral cat could disrupt his healing. 

But maybe there was a reason why it hung around. It might have been for all the rotten food in the trash or the catnip plants outside that Rocky used to roll around in, but there was a reason why the cat chose this place out of all the other houses in the neighborhood. 

Maybe she would be just as accepted as he was in this family. 

~~~~

It was fairly late when Tommy got to Nottingham. 

Stepping out of the Uber he got from near the tube, Tommy walked towards the familiar house. The lights were still on; his parents kept them so people wouldn’t break in during the night. It was only eleven, so someone might have been awake, but that seemed unlikely. 

Tommy sifted through the pocket of his red hoodie, looking for the old key he had to the house in case he needed it. The place he moved into with Wilbur wasn’t uninhabitable, but he kept it around in case it was for some reason. God knows he didn’t want to drag people into a fight with a stupid landlord. 

As he walked closer to the house, two large dogs came running towards him, toppling him over onto the sharp gravel below. As Tommy began to recover from his fall, the two dogs began licking his face, feeling their foul breath and slimy saliva all over his face. Walter and Betty, the two dogs his parents owned, must have been excited to see him for the first time in ages. 

“Walter! Betty!” A stern familiar voice rang out from the silence. “Come back here! Leave Tom alone!” 

The dogs turned their heads and ashamedly walked back over towards the house, their tails between their legs. Someone else must have been awake at this hour. Wonder where he got his insomnia from?

With the dogs taken care of, Tommy pulled himself off the ground, grabbing his large suitcase as an unstable crutch. However, someone quickly grabbed him, causing him to squirm for a moment like a worm in a robin’s beak. 

“Calm down, you wiggle-worm.” A motherly voice responded, almost instantly calming him down as she patted his hair. “It’s just me, okay?” 

Looking down in the dim light, Tommy saw a woman, looking far too similar to him for it to be a coincidence. It was almost like a clone, but much smaller and a female. She was still a blonde with bright blue eyes and an explosive personality, much like her son. 

“Mum!” Tommy leaned into the hug, limply towering over her. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“I’ve missed you too, Tom.” The woman below him smiled. “We’re so glad to have you home.”

“Sounds like you aren’t the only ones who are.” Tommy added, still stuck in the tight embrace. “Walter and Betty were pretty happy to have me back.” 

Brighton and Bognor were full of stress, but not Nottingham. Here, Tommy was going to catch up with his family. He would go exploring around the places that he used to see almost every day when he lived there. Maybe if Freddie and Eryn were available, he would spend some time with them face to face like they did in the good old days when they were kids. 

God, he was glad to be back home.

Chapter Text

Coming back home was a relief. 

Stepping into the house, exhaustion hitting him like a truck, Tommy noticed the place looked different. With Techno around, the house looked neater and less like a dorm room he and Wilbur shared. Dishes finally got done and everything Techno brought was hung up neatly and put on shelves. 

“Hey, Tommy!” Techno greeted him as he stepped into the warmth of his house, his face stuffed in a newspaper from some coffee shop near Phil’s house. “How was your trip?” 

“Oh, it was fine.” Tommy responded tiredly. “You know how seeing people you haven’t seen in a while can take a lot outta you.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Techno chuckled, turning his head away from whatever boring article the news was running.

God, Tommy loved having Techno around. He was the missing piece of their family they needed all along, even during a hard time like Tubbo’s attempt. He could be sarcastic when he wanted to, but he could also be serious as well. 

But wait, why were there two of him all of a sudden?

Tommy felt spinny, almost like he was on a rollercoaster without any of the restraints to keep him from falling off and breaking his neck. Tommy struggled to focus on Techno, but the sea of gray engulfed his blurry vision. Tommy tried to warn Techno but only a tiny gasp rolled out of his mouth before his knees started to buckle. 

“Tommy, you feeling alright?” Techno’s face was grave, but his mouth didn’t seem to match the distant words that faded out with his vision. “You’re looking kinda-”

THUD!

Without warning, Tommy crumpled to the floor like a wet towel. He was lying face down, his face covered by his arm as the other one seemed to grasp out for something. All the bags he was holding were sprawled across the floor, but thankfully nothing breakable was in those. 

Techno was taken aback by the unexpected, but he still ran over to Tommy in a panic. He’d never seen anyone pass out before, let alone someone so young and full of vigor like Tommy. It was an experience, but not one he wanted to repeat.

“Tommy!” Techno demanded as he started shaking Tommy, but he was still motionless. “Come on! Get up!”

“Oh, fuck.” Techno could hear Wilbur curse from around the corner. 

Wilbur continued to curse under his breath, rushing over to the unconscious boy by the front door. Flipping Tommy over onto his back, Wilbur lifted Tommy's legs up onto the sofa. Techno had so many questions to ask, but he knew it was better if he just stayed silent. Wilbur knew what he was doing and it wasn’t Techno’s place to overwhelm him during a time like this, but the American just needed to know.

“Techno, go get some Gatorade if we have any.” Wilbur instructed, his voice calmer than what Techno expected from someone in that situation. 

Turning around, Techno raced over to the black refrigerator, ripping open the door to find one of the Gatorades they always had in there. They always had a steady supply of those in there, but Techno never really knew until now.

Grabbing the closest one he could find, Techno ran back towards the spot where Tommy laid. Wilbur was still tending to him, propping his head up with another pillow to make everything more comfortable. Techno bent down next to Wilbur with the full bottle in his hand, still trying to give him some space to breathe.

“What’s wrong with him?” Techno fretted, watching Wilbur loosen his jacket, buttoned up to keep out the cold. “Is he going to be okay?”

“He’s going to be fine, Techno.” Wilbur looked back down at Tommy before turning to Techno. “He didn’t hit his head on anything, did he?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Techno was still shocked. “We were talking then he just…dropped.”

“Yeah, he does that.” Wilbur explained, much calmer than Technoblade was at the moment. “He has chronic low blood pressure and it acts up from time to time. Sometimes he’s a little shit and forgets to warn us when he’s about to do this.”

Techno would normally reply with a snarky comment, but instead, just just stood there, shaking.  

Wilbur remembered the first time Tommy collapsed, some time after the two of them met in real life. Tommy complained of feeling tired and he looked a little pale, but Wilbur brushed it off as Tommy being needy and childish. They had been walking around the mall for a while and it was a pretty hot day and he didn’t need Tommy's complaining to ruin the mood. 

When he heard Tommy collapse behind him, Wilbur dropped whatever bags he was holding to rush over to his friend. He wasn’t sure what to do so he just sat there by Tommy’s side, begging him to get up. Eventually, Tommy woke up and explained everything, much to Wilbur’s relief and annoyance. For the rest of the day, Wilbur had to spoil him so he wouldn’t blackmail him or something because he knew the little bastard would do something if he didn’t. 

God, he loved Tommy, but he got on his nerves. 

Under his hands, Wilbur noticed Tommy’s eyes flickering a bit, but not completely opening. He let out a muffled groan, small but just loud enough to show he was coming around. This sort of thing was just as frightening to him as it was to the others, so they tried not to startle him too much.

“Hey.” Wilbur lightly patted Tommy’s face as his eyes flickered a little more. “You back with us, kiddo?”

“...mmhhhhhrrng.” Tommy groaned tiredly, leaning back into Wilbur’s touch. “Wil-Wilby?”  

“Hey, you’re awake.” Wilbur smiled, softly shifting his hand through Tommy’s golden curls. “Just take it easy there for a second.” 

“Did I…” Tommy muttered quietly, still trying to absorb the situation with his fuzzy brain.

“Yeah, you did.” Wilbur responded as if he could read his mind. “I have something to drink if you want it.” 

Slowly but surely, Tommy gained more of his senses back and sat up. With his greedy raccoon hands, Tommy snatched the bottle of orange Gatorade out of Wilbur’s hands and guzzled it down as if he was a dying plant that hadn’t been watered for days. Man, he hadn’t had anything to drink in hours. Coke would have been much better, but he had to take what he was given. 

“Man, you’re thirsty.” Techno pointed out the quarter-empty bottle he laid right next to him. “Did they have anything to drink over there?”

“Have you eaten anything today?” Wilbur hounded. “Or drank enough water? Or-”

“Alright, Dad .” Tommy scoffed, trying to get back up. “I’m fine. Just got a little-” 

At that moment, Wilbur pulled him back down, pinning him to the ground. He didn’t want to risk this happening again in front of Techno. The man already had enough to worry about.

“No, you’re going to lay back down.” Wilbur commanded. “Have you had dinner yet?”

Tommy rubbed his fuzzy head, trying to remember through his foggy memory. When was the last time he ate?  He remembered having breakfast with his family as soon as he woke up that morning and a granola bar at the station, but nothing more. Maybe it was about time he ate something.  

“I’m going to take that as a no.” Techno pointed out Tommy’s silence as Wilbur pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned.

“Tommy, you can’t just do that to your body.” Wilbur lectured. “It needs fuel in order to keep going. Otherwise, this happens.”

“I know, I know.” Tommy brushed it off. “I was just so excited to come back home that I kinda forgot.”

“Yeah Toms, you gotta take better care of yourself.” Tommy could notice Techno’s glasses fogging up. “I thought you were like…I don’t know…dying or something. It was… really scary for me.” 

“You? The Blade? Scared?” Tommy scoffed. “You’re not scared of anything.” 

That was a lie. Technoblade was afraid of a lot of things. Needles, blood, losing those he loved in violent ways. Tubbo’s attempt hadn’t helped much at all with his fear. But still, Tommy looked up to him like he hung the moon and stars. 

“Yeah I was, you stubborn ass.” Techno rubbed Tommy’s hair. “Please don’t scare me like that again.” 

Tommy was stubborn, no doubt about that. But a promise was a promise and Techno looked really worried. Maybe he should take care of himself better. 

“I’ll try.” Tommy pressed his head deeper into Techno’s chest.

“Come on, let’s get some actual food in you.” Wilbur suggested. “I’m sure we have some leftovers from Christmas somewhere.”

“As long as it isn’t Techno’s bad cooking, I’m down with whatever.” Tommy carelessly threw out,  causing Techno to turn his head in rage.

“Oh, come on!” Techno huffed. “I burned pancakes that one time...” 

“You burned mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving, Techno.” Wilbur jestered. “I didn’t even know that was possible.”

“Alright, I admit.” Techno scratched the back of his head. “Maybe I put a little too much cheese on it…”

“It didn’t even look edible to me, Techno.” Tommy added in, laughing. “How did you expect all of us to eat it?” 

God, he missed everyone. 

Nottingham was his first home, but it didn’t compare to Brighton. All the new sensations amazed the young Brit when he first came there. There was so much to do that it was overwhelming. Now, things have mellowed out, but there were still a lot of things he wanted to do with the people he loved. 

But first, maybe he should try to figure out how to escape Phil’s wrath when he hears about this.

~~~~

“So, how was everyone’s Christmas?” Tommy asked, sipping on his hot chocolate before putting it aside.

“It was nice.” Phil started explaining. “Christmas was never this lively before Kristin joined.”

“Awww, Phil.” Kristin looked away, blushing. “You’re too kind.” 

“Phil’s family was super nice.” Techno added, rubbing his warm red sweater with a pig on it. “Wilbur, how was yours?” 

“Oh, it was nice.” Wilbur detailed. “We went to a Christmas festival, celebrated Christmas with Lovejoy, just some fun stuff Tommy would enjoy. Speaking of him, Tommy, how was your Christmas?” 

“It was nice.” Tommy simply responded. 

Seeing everyone in Nottingham was a breath of fresh air after everything that had just happened. He didn’t speak about what happened with Tubbo there. He didn’t want to burden his friends and family with that information. Not yet, at least. He just wanted to forget, just like how everyone was blissful about his troubles. 

“I…brought you guys some gifts.” Tommy added, trying to ignore the guilt of not telling those he loved. 

Tommy grabbed a small bag with two birds huddled up with each other and handed to Phil. There was tissue paper of green and purple mixed inside, hiding the gift. Shifting through the paper he found a black box and some lime green and white wristbands still wrapped in plastic. Opening the plastic bag, He put the cloth wristband around his wrist, perfectly folding around it. 

“Tommy, it’s perfect.” Phil complimented him. “ I should wear it next time I stream. I need a little change.“

Kristin opened the black box with a silver K on it after Phil handed it to her. It was a bracelet with marbled black and white beads. Her eyes lit up when she noticed the beads reading out her name perfectly.   

“Tommy, where on earth did you find this?” Kristin gazed over at Tommy, amazed. 

“In a jewelry store at the mall.” Tommy looked away shyly. “It reminded me so much of you. Do you like it?” 

“Like it?” Kristin’s smile widened. “I love it, Tommy.” 

Tommy grabbed another gift bag, this one with a picture of a pig popping out of a present with green and red tissue paper, perfect for the blood god. Before handing the gift to Techno, he briefly hugged Phil and Kristin, their love rubbing off on him.

Tommy handed the bag to Techno and he quickly tore it open. It was a funny sweatshirt with long sleeves so he could wear it out and about. It said ‘I ham what I ham’ with a silhouette of a pig in the middle. It was an extra large, so it would perfectly fit Techno and hide his scar. Tommy knew he didn’t like to show it off.

Techno sarcastically groaned, but still smiled. “Damn, you do know what I like.” 

Tommy turned to Wilbur, giving him a blue bag with an orca on it. Wilbur had so many interests that he was hard to buy for. Tommy knew Wilbur would like whatever Tommy got him, but Tommy wanted to give him something useful. 

With the gift in front of him, Wilbur ripped through the tissue paper to find a pack of beanies in a plethora of colors, much like the ones on his minecraft skin. Tommy had a great sense of fashion, so Wilbur trusted him. He realized he needed to wear beanies more often now that he had thought about it.

“I should probably wear beanies more often.” Wilbur chuckled. “Guess I’ve got to wear them more now.”

Tommy nodded, agreeing with his statement. 

“Tommy, me and Kristin got you something too.” Phil handed Tommy a box. 

He ripped open the wrapping paper, revealing a pair of red bluetooth headphones that would fit perfectly and block out noise. They would be perfect around large crowds of people on the buses or tubelines. 

Before Tommy got to thank them, Techno forced a card into the youngest’s hands. A card full of pig puns and drawings of pigs that looked more like hieroglyphs than cartoons. Inside, there was some money. Not the usual English pounds, but American money that was an ugly green color palette of dried snot. The only person Tommy could point out was Alexander Hamilton, obviously. 

“Tommy, I know you won’t be staying with us for long, but we want to give you one last gift before you go.” Wilbur sighed before he walked into the other room to bring something out.

It was a black guitar case, all black without a single scratch on it. The only thing that set it apart was a single small sticker - a L’Manburg flag Wilbur must have bought online. He set it on the floor before Tommy, who was stunned. A new guitar?

“Go on.” Wilbur urged him. “Open it.” 

Unlocking the case slowly, Tommy could see what was inside. It was an acoustic guitar, much like the one Wilbur played on without all the wear and tear on it from years of use. It smelled clean and new, just like it came out of the guitar store. Tommy could only gawk at it, hypnotized by its beauty. 

“Wilbur…” Tommy hesitated before staring back up at Wilbur. “Isn't this…” 

“Yeah, it is.” Wilbur sighed nostalgically. “Just like Simone when I first got her. Same model and everything. It’s a little gift our band has been saving up to get you for Christmas.” 

“Wil, I don’t know what to say.” Tommy was still stunned. 

“Well, a ‘thank you' would be a nice start.” Wilbur suggested as he tackled Tommy into a big hug. 

“Well, thank you too, bitch.” Tommy responded, somewhat snapped out of his trance.

~~~~

The quintet tried to stay up, watching an old Christmas movie they watched every year. 

Keyword: Tried.

One hour into their movie and almost everyone was asleep. Phil and Kristin were snuggled next to each other, huddled in a warm blanket. Wilbur laid on the floor with almost every pillow or blanket he could find that wasn’t already taken. The only people who were still awake were Techno and Tommy, although the both of them felt like they could fall asleep at any moment.

“There’s one thing I’m not going to miss.” Tommy snarked. 

“What’s that?” Technoblade responded with the same sassy attitude.

Tommy scoffed. “At least I don’t have to deal with you snoring in your sleep like a pig.” 

“Well, it is part of my branding.” Techno bragged. 

“Even while you’re not streaming, you’re selling out.” Tommy teased before yawning.

“You tired?” Techno scoffed.

“No, you’re tired.” Tommy threw back at Techno, but his eyes were threatening to close.

Technoblade huddled closer to Tommy, yawning once more. Yup, definitely tired. 

“You’re getting sleepy…” Techno said in a hypnotic tone, Tommy already on the verge of falling asleep as his eyes instinctively rolled back at Techno’s deep voice. 

“No…” Tommy yawned again, the last strains of stubbornness taking hold, keeping his uneven gaze on Techno. “No, I’m not…”

“Yes, you are.” Techno chuckled as he looked into Tommy’s droopy eyes. “I predict you’re going to go down in about a few seconds.” 

“You’re wrong, dumbass.” Tommy mocked Technoblade, voice thick with sleep. “TommyInnit nev’r s’eeps.” 

Techno rubbed Tommy’s back repetitively, watching as Tommy tried desperately to keep his drowsy eyes from fluttering close. With the last of his strength depleted, he crashed into Techno’s chest, surrendering himself to sleep much faster than he expected. 

“Sweet dreams, Theseus.” Techno kissed Tommy’s forehead, shaking him lightly like he would with a big, fluffy dog. 

Techno was glad to have Tommy back, even if it was for a couple days. 

Chapter Text

Tubbo was just as worried and confused as Tommy was the night he attempted.

Opening his eyes, Tubbo could only see flashes of blue and red flash across his vision. People were gathered around him, speaking in a code he couldn’t understand, even with all the medical dramas he watched. His legs still hurt like hell, like swords had been pierced through them. 

The paramedics worked quicker than Tubbo had ever seen on television. 

Everything was just a thick blur of pain, people and flashing lights. He felt himself being lifted off the ground by a stretcher, his legs still searing with that white-hot pain as he was jostled into the ambulance. He felt the faint sting of an intravenous line being threaded into his arm, an oxygen mask was fitted over his nose and mouth. 

There was a strange fuzzy feeling around him. It was much like the feeling of that distorted rush of happiness he felt before he hit the ground, only this time it was much more intense. It felt cozy like a warm blanket wrapping him, protecting him from the brisk autumn air. The pain in his legs faded away into nothingness as everything else drifted further and further away.

For the first time in a while, he was finally able to fall into a deep, comfortable sleep.

He had some faint memories of when the painkillers didn’t totally block out his memory, but they felt more like dreams than memories. Wilbur showing him some papers with drawings on them. Kristin walking into the hospital room with a large bouquet of white flowers.

That is, before he woke up in a hospital room, way too bright for his own liking. 

The hospital stay was nice, even given the situation. The bed could move and people tended to him. But still, there was the elephant in the room. Everyone was sad, especially Lani, who could hardly hold back her tears during every visit. As he soon learned, he had to be involuntarily placed in the psych ward across the road. He refused at first, but it wasn’t like he had much choice.

Tubbo didn’t want to go. He wanted to go back home and heal, not with some nurses he didn’t know or care about. It didn’t help that Tommy came to visit the evening before with a very pissy attitude. 

While they were moving him to the psych ward on the first day, he got into a scuffle with some nurses and guards. Although he couldn’t move much, he still tried to claw and scream and bite his way out to no avail as everyone else waited for whatever they injected him with to finally kick in. In the end, Tubbo drowsily slumped back into his chair, feeling himself being wheeled away as he dizzily blinked into unconsciousness. 

He woke up several hours later in a room, still woozy as hell. A kind nurse was looking down at him and she started to chatter about all sorts of things. Tubbo didn’t know if his anger had gone down or if the drugs were messing with his brain but he felt like interacting with this strange woman. He guessed things got better from there.

Tubbo’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. 

“Oh, Tommy’s here.” His mother gasped as she opened the door.

And there he was, holding as many bags as he could carry into the house. He wore that blue Club Sunday sweater he loved and some soft pants, looking like he just woke up and came over there. 

“Tommy, please, come inside.” Tubbo’s mum invited him in. “Make yourself at home.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” Tommy nodded as much as he could. 

For the first time in a while, Tubbo was excited to have someone in his house. He missed Tommy, even though he was only gone for a week. Hopefully, Tommy would help him get back on his feet again. 

“Tobes, are you ready?” Tommy asked excitedly, staring at the couch Tubbo was sitting on. 

“Readly as I’ll ever be.” Tubbo turned his head, returning with the same vigor. 

~~~~

The first night was interesting.

The duo stayed up till midnight as Tubbo got caught up with the news. Dream was planning a new manhunt series. A new SMP popped up with some of their old friends that wasn’t as angst heavy as the Dream SMP. Phil was planning a new build inspired by crows. Banter and Chuckle Sandwich were still around, so they stayed awake and listened to some of their new episodes. 

But still, Ranboo was missing and nothing could be done about that. 

“Tubbo, you alright?” Tommy asked worriedly. “You seem quiet.”

“No, I’m fine.” Tubbo brushed it off.

“You don’t seem fine.” Tommy pointed out. “Come on, talk to me.”

 Tubbo sighed, his voice emotionless. “Tommy, what happens after we die?”

Man, Tommy didn’t expect Tubbo to drop something as heavy as that onto him. Tommy wasn’t a priest or a prophet. He didn’t have the answers Tubbo was seeking. Hell, that question gave him so much anxiety that he had panic attacks just thinking about it. 

“W-what do you mean, Tubbo?” Tommy stuttered.

“Like, I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately.” Tubbo averted his gaze and drew Boo in closer. “I know I’m not dead, but I almost was. It was scary. I think…I think I might have seen the other side.” 

“Well, what’s it like?” Tommy wondered. 

“Well, there were a lot of bright lights and it was incredibly loud and there were so many people watching me.” Tubbo recalled. ”Then again, the doctors did say that I was coming in and out of consciousness before they put me under for surgery. I don’t remember any of that, which is probably a blessing.”  

“Oh.” Tommy simply responded. “I wouldn’t know.” 

“Do you think death’s like limbo?” Tubbo inquired. 

“Tubbo, you’ve been on that SMP too much.” Tommy teased.

“No, I’m being serious.” Tubbo said sternly. “But…like…a good type of limbo. One you would want to spend an eternity in. Well, take Rocky for example. He’s probably happy with all the cat toys he can think of there.” 

“But wouldn’t it be lonely?” Tommy questioned Tubbo’s theory. 

“Well, what if we had an intertwined limbo?” Tubbo theorized. “Me, you and Ranboo?”

Oh. Ranboo. The only type of limbo Ranboo deserved was a bad one. He was a bad man and everyone was blind to it. Anyone who threatened to take Tubbo away from him was an enemy, and Ranboo was no exception. 

“Well, we’ll have to wait and see when we get there.” Tommy sighed, not wanting to think that far into the future. “We don’t have all the answers, but I’m sure someone out there does. Besides, I don’t want to go anywhere anytime soon.”

“I don’t want to be there if I can’t be with you, Tommy.” Tubbo responded.  "You're one of my closest friends. Always have been and always will be.”

Tommy’s heart melted, his eyes brimming with welcoming tears. 

Ranboo was dead. Ranboo was dead and buried in the darkest pits of his mind. Even if he just so happened to stumble back into their lives, Tommy would never forgive him. It was a promise he made to himself. He would rip that dumb mask off and show the world how fake he was.

If only Tubbo wasn’t there to hold him back.  

~~~~

The fire still burned at the back of Ranboo’s mind. 

He could still remember that night. Well, bits and pieces of it. Seeing the fire spread across the house. Scurrying up to his room like a scared rat, his mind racing as smoke clouded everything, including his thoughts. With all this worry came a sense of wooziness which spread like a tidal wave as his vision whirled before fading out with the smoke. Next thing he could recall was the bright lights in a hospital, beeping noises and numbness engulfing his body.

There was a lot of information to take in at the hospital. His sister managed to wake up in time and get everyone out before realizing Ranboo was still stuck inside and calling 911. Other than Ranboo, everyone else was unharmed, although they were all checked out at the hospital just in case.

As for Ranboo, that was a different story. 

But Ranboo knew one thing for sure. Ranboo - the streamer Ranboo- died in that fire, burned to the ground like his house was with all of his belongings. The only thing he could hope for was to find a new life. 

Thankfully, he had friends and family that would stand up for him. 

He had his loving parents and sister who would beat someone up for him if they even looked at Ranboo the wrong way. They all had to deal with this together, but Ranboo still felt alone. He was no stranger to people giving him weird stares at the store or turning away from him on the street like he was some sort of boogeyman that would eat their children. 

But there were two places where people didn’t care: Lenore’s Bookstore and Sam’s Tattoo Studio.

Ranboo stepped into the tattoo parlor, the one he’d been into a few times. He’d gotten close with some of the people there. R.B., the owner who started the business over twenty years ago. Sandy, Toto, Blurry, Scourge, Roach. Ranboo couldn’t think of a single one with a normal name. 

“Merky!” A child perked up, running towards Ranboo with her chubby little legs. “Merky! Merky!”

Violet, R.B.’s granddaughter. She would come to visit when her parents were busy with work. For a six-year-old, she was well-behaved and hardly got into any trouble. All she did was eat crackers and watch videos on her ipad. 

“Hey, what’s up, little flower?” Ranboo smiled as much as he could. 

“Merky, I missed you!” She raised her little hands as much as she could, trying to be as tall as he was. 

“I did too.” He said, picking her up and touching her nose. 

“What’s up, Mercury?” A man with a rough beard greeted him. 

God, that name. The first time he walked into that tattoo parlor, he was wearing a crappy five dollar Queen shirt he got from a thrift shop, and they had been calling him Mercury ever since. It was better than Ranboo, but at the same time, he kinda missed it.

“How’s it going, R.B.?” Ranboo responded, puting the child down.

“Nothin’ much.” the older man leaned against an unused chair. “You just checking out the shop again?”

“Yeah, got nothing better to do.” He laughed. ”That and the bookshop.”

“I see you are a man of culture as well.” R.B. smiled. “If you want to, I could offer you a job here.”

At that moment, those words stung his heart. He couldn’t do that. He wasn’t able to do that. It might have been his internalized ableism or his depression, but he couldn’t work so soon after his accident. Of course, it had only been a year. He was once a streamer for Christ’s sake.

“R.B., could I talk with you in another room?” Ranboo humbly spoke. “Just the two of us. I don’t want everyone to hear us.”

“Sure.” R.B. nodded before turning to Violet. “Violet, me and Merc are going to talk in the other room. Don’t get into trouble while I’m gone.”

“Okie-dokie!” Violet gave a thumbs up. “You got it, dude.”

As silently as they could, they walked past Sandy and Roach, the busiest people there, tattooing on people. They walked over to the break room, full of snacks and drinks to keep them busy. 

“So, what’s troublin’ you, my man?” R.B. asked Ranboo in a friendly voice. 

“Thanks for the offer but I don’t think I can take it.” Ranboo looked away, unwilling to face R.B. about his injury. “With my burns, I can’t close my fist all the way. Even then, I don’t know how to use a tattoo gun.”

“I can teach you.” R.B. perked up. “It will be hard, but I’ve taught dozens of people how to tattoo.”

“I’ll think about it…” Ranboo still looked away, brushing his hands through his long hair. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around my injury.” 

“I understand.” R.B. nodded. “Loss is hard, but tragedy helps inspire art, Mercury. I know it’s hard for all of us, but I’ll help you get through it.” 

“Thanks, I really need the support right now.” Ranboo finally turned his head over to the older man, who kinda reminded him of Phil in a way.

“You know if you’re thinking about getting a tattoo, I know the perfect one to give you if you’re willing to open up.” R.B. suggested. 

“Well, what were you thinking?” Ranboo tilted his head in wonder. 

“You know, there’s a certain type of pine that only grows after a fire.” R.B. explained, trying not to offend him. “Maybe that would be a new symbol for you. You’re strong and reborn, like a pine tree.” 

That’s right. He was a pine tree. A scarred, burned pine tree. He managed to survive what others could not. That took some amount of luck. Whatever god existed was on his side during that night and during his healing process. 

“I understand if you don’t want a job right now.” R.B. sighed, patting Ranboo’s hand. “Just thinking when you do, you’ll always have a place at Sam’s Tattoo Studio.” 

“Thanks, R.B.” Ranboo nodded slowly.

“No problem, man.”  R.B. handed Ranboo a silver backpack and patted him on the back. “Also, before you leave, take this. You’ll need it.” 

Ranboo put the backpack over his shoulder. It felt heavy, so it must have been full of something. Ranboo already started to tear up. They really cared about him. Maybe getting a job here wouldn’t be so bad. It could be the perfect atmosphere for him to work. 

Shortly after, he got back on the bus and went back to his apartment where he lived. 

Opening the door, the sight was the same. Cheap clothes scattered everywhere like shards of broken glass. Trash piled up everywhere and flies spawned in like mobs in that dumb block game. It wasn’t that he was too lazy to clean it up, he just lacked the energy. 

Exhausted from human interaction, he collapsed on the couch and fell asleep. When he woke up, he looked at the bookbag that the tattoo parlor had given him, not expecting much other than just some basic essentials. 

Sure, there was some shampoo and deodorant that he looked like he needed, but most of the bag was filled with shirts and pants, better than thrift store quality. A few wrapped snacks and canned drinks from their holiday party a few days earlier were stuffed in there, although they were a bit squished. 

Ranboo smiled. Or rather, Mercury smiled. Someone cared. Someone out there cared about him, even with all of his scars and blemishes he had. He couldn’t be more thankful. 

Ranboo threw off his dirty shirt, reaching for a fresh yellow one. There was a bee in the middle. A cute little bee with a pride flag with the saying ‘bee yourself’. Sandy must have gotten it for him. Her and her wife Melissa were always so nice to be around, pun intended. 

But something made Ranboo break down and cry. He knew why. He had left Tubbo behind. He couldn’t show up like this to him. He would reject him right way. So would Tommy and Wilbur and Phil…

He wasn’t Ranboo anymore anyways. That part of him was dead. He was Mercury now. That was who he was and that’s who he would stay. 

Maybe they didn’t even miss him. 

Chapter Text

It was rainy and cold, very typical weather for England. 

There was a nice cafe about twenty or so minutes from Tubbo’s house, so the duo went there for a nice snack. Overall, it was a pleasant cafe. They had the sweetest cinnamon buns in the world and the best white hot chocolate ever. 

But today, it was nearly empty. There was only one person, other than the staff, reading a book, seemingly ignoring them. Looking closer, Tommy could notice someone with long brown hair and a red floral beanie. But as the duo came closer, they must have noticed Tommy, for they came running towards him at the speed of light. 

“Tommy? Tubbo?” The short person rushed up to hug Tommy. “Where have you guys been?”

“Aimsey?” Tommy was completely taken aback. “What are you doing out here?” 

“You know, just enjoying some hot cocoa and a good book before I have more stuff with Misfits I have to do.” Aimsey explained. “But it’s a surprise to meet you here. I haven’t talked with you since we last streamed. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been alright, man.” Tommy looked away uncomfortably, answering almost on autopilot. “You know, just taking care of some things.” 

“Tubbo, I haven’t seen you in a while.” Aimsey turned to the man in the wheelchair. “What have you been up to?”

God, don’t let them mention anything about his wheelchair…

“Tubbo, what happened to your legs?”

“Oh…” Tubbo paused. “There was… an accident…”

“Accident?” Aimsey asked. “Like a car accident?”

“Yeah.” Tubbo lied, holding the enderman closer to his chest for comfort. “Pretty bad one too. It was rough but I survived.”

Tommy sighed, relaxing his tense muscles. He really didn’t want to bring up Tubbo’s attempt just yet. He knew he had to, this wasn’t something they could hide from their friends forever, but it wasn’t something Tubbo wanted to touch yet. If he didn’t want to talk about it, Tommy wasn’t about to force him.

Not here, not now. 

~~~~

Tommy woke up, groggy from how late it was.

It was another nightmare-filled night, filled with a dream about holding Tubbo’s amputated hand while trying to run from some sort of creature. Ever since Tubbo’s attempt, nightmares had been pretty common. Although he tried to work through them, he still struggled with dreams about losing the ones he loved, especially Tubbo. His therapist said it might have had to do with his trauma or something, but Tommy denied this. 

Surely he wasn’t traumatized. He didn’t even see it happen (never mind that he had heard it). He was fine, right?

Tommy quietly exited the living room, his brain still foggy from his restless sleep. Tubbo was asleep, huddled with dozens of stuffed animals like a dragon would with his trove of gold. Thank God he was a deep sleeper. 

Tommy snuck into Tubbo’s old loft, looking cleaner than before his attempt. It wasn’t the first time he did. He often came in to play his new guitar Wilbur gave him while everyone else was asleep. It was nice and private, perfect for times like this. No wonder why Tubbo got drunk here. No one would bother him. 

Tommy gulped, realizing what he needed to do. He needed to tell Aimsey the truth. No use lying to them- he’d asked Tubbo about it and Tubbo gave his permission. The older didn’t think he could tell his friends himself. Tommy breathed as a Discord ringtone echoed, almost eerily, through his headphones. He didn’t expect them to pick up. It was so late at night that he doubted they were awake. 

Nonetheless, he called, and Aimsey answered. 

“What’s up?” Aimsey perked up, their voice bright and cheery. 

“Are you streaming right now?” Tommy asked solemnly.

“No, what do you want to talk about?” Aimsey’s tone matched Tommy’s. 

“Do you know why Tubbo’s legs are in a cast?” Tommy spoke hesitantly. 

“Well, he mentioned the accident.” Aimsey was worried. “Why? Was anyone else hurt?”

“No, it was something much more serious to him.” Tommy took a deep breath, trying not to cry. “Aimsey, he tried to take his own life. He jumped off a fucking building, Aimsey. There wasn’t a damn car accident.” 

Everything went quiet as Aimsey took in the truth and tried to think of something to say. 

“I knew something was up before your last stream.” Aimsey sighed back. “He sent me a message. Something about being one of his best streamer friends or something. He sent it to me and Freddie and Eryn and-”

“It was really late at night, wasn’t it?” Tommy interrupted.

“Yeah, after we started streaming.” Aimsey felt like they were shaking with sadness. “None of us got the message until after the stream. I tried calling him, but he didn't answer." 

“That’s when he called me to say goodbye.” Tommy added, his eyes full of tears. “I tried to stop him, but I was too late... I’m so sorry, Aimsey...” 

Tommy started crying - bawling even - right in front of Aimsey. Yet, Aimsey didn’t care. Not in a bad way. They had seen people cry before them before. 

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything, Tommy.” Aimsey reassured him, their own eyes tearing up. “I’m just sorry he felt so bad that he had to do this.”

“I know.” Tommy sputtered through tears. “I know.” 

Chapter Text

It was about damn time Wilbur got on a call with his friends.

It had been some time since he used Discord for anything other than texting his friends updates on Tubbo. It had been a couple weeks since Tommy moved in with the boy, so updates had been few and far between. 

When he jumped onto Discord, he and Eret, the only European on the server at that time, jumped into a call. It was going to be simple. Just Eret and Wilbur talking about things as Wilbur got some stuff off his chest and Eret comforted him. 

“Hi Eret.” Wilbur greeted the curly-haired brunette. 

“How’s it going, Wilbur?” Eret greeted in his characteristic deep voice. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Eret was a pretty chill and trusting guy. They were the type of guy you would want to share a beer with. Eret's character had always had a regal quality to it that Wilbur lacked, almost as if Eret was a purebred poodle and Wilbur was a stray who lived on the street. Wilbur was secretly envious, but it didn't stop them from being friends.  

Before he could respond, another ping joined the call. 

“Yooooooo!” Fundy cried out happily. “What is up, Wilbur Soot?”

Fundy really was a fox in a human body. Hell, his hair even matched it. He was always so full of energy that everyone else couldn’t quite match. Well, other than Tommy. But when it came to coding, Fundy was an expert. It had always been his dream to code his own games, and so far, he had been living that dream. 

“Nothing much.” Wilbur leaned back in his chair. “I guess you’re doing well.”

“Yeah, I just got done working on my new game.” Fundy excitedly chattered. “You should try it out when I release it.”  

Soon, another ping joined the call.

“Ayup, Wilbur!” Jack piped into the Discord call, his mic distorted.

“Jesus Christ!” Wilbur groaned. “Jack, your mic’s loud.”

“Sorry, it’s a new mic.” After a bit of readjusting, Jack responded in a better tone. “This better?”

“Yeah, much better.”

What could you say about Jack Manifold? He could be hot headed at times, but he was mostly an agreeable person. He could crack a joke just as easily and play a game just as well as everyone else, yet nobody really took him seriously. Out of all of Wilbur’s friends, he would be one of the most normal of them. Then again, this is Wilbur Soot we are talking about. When it came to him, nothing was normal. 

Another ping joined, this one much tamer than the others.

“Hello, Wilbur.” Niki spoke up with her soft voice. 

Oh, hi Niki.” Wilbur smiled. 

Hearing Niki speak made Wilbur grin. Niki just had that power in people. Not in a romantic manner, just in a friendly one. She was always so nice and friendly to everyone, despite all the hardships she went through, she just went through life as kindly as she could. 

“How’s Tubbo?” Niki requested.

“Yeah, we’ve been worried sick about him.” Fundy chimed in. “We haven’t heard a lot of updates lately. Is he alright?” 

“He’s doing much better.” Wilbur updated them. “Tommy’s living with him now.”

“That’s nice.” Jack applauded. “I miss him.” 

“How long is he staying?” Eret asked.

“We don’t know.” Wilbur admitted, taping his fingers on the table without thinking about it. “It could be a couple months… or more. However long Tubbo needs him to stay.” 

“Yeah, that seems hard.” Niki sorrowfully replied. “I’m sorry you have to go through that.”

“At least Techno’s keeping you company.” Fundy pointed out. “I would love to have a friend like him.”

“Yeah, Techno’s been a good flatmate.” Wilbur gave a melancholy grin.

He wasn’t lying. Techno was a good flatmate. Sure, they didn’t always get along, but when push came to shove, they had each other and that’s what mattered. Hell, Phil and Kristin still visited so they weren’t always alone. 

“Would Tubbo be open to meet with us?” Eret suggested. “We’ll be visiting the UK in a couple weeks with Ela anyway.” 

“Me and Scott just live east of you guys.” Jack added to the conversation. “We could meet you guys then.”

“I live in Brighton too!” Niki's face lit up. “I’m all for that!”

“I could book a plane from Amsterdam to Brighton!” Fundy chimed in. 

“Wait…” Wilbur thought for a moment. “L’manburg reunion?”

“YOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Jack cheered as everyone clapped. “L’MANBURG REUNION!”

“Hopefully nobody blows anything up this time.” Fundy teased.

“I’m disowning you, son.” Wilbur teased back.

Maybe it would help them if they meet each other again. Maybe it would remind Tubbo that he wasn’t alone. Wilbur was there to help him any time of day or night and so would everyone else. If only Tubbo knew that and was able to open himself up to his friends, Wilbur could help him. 

It wasn’t much, but it was what he wanted to do to make up for the morning of the attempt. 

~~~~

“Let’s start off simple.” Tommy instructed. “Walk. If you need to, I have the wheelchair behind you.” 

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

Tubbo stood up, his legs hurting so much. After a couple steps, Tubbo was crying full on tears. Walking on two broken legs was hard enough as is. Having two broken legs and depression was a whole different story.

Too soggy and tired, Tubbo flopped back down in his wheelchair.

“I can’t do it…” He muttered defeatedly. 

“Tubbo, you did better than I would in this situation.” Tommy admitted. “I’m very proud of you.” 

He’d broken bones before and all he did was complain. Either his pillow was too stiff or his water didn’t have enough ice or some sort of shit he didn’t care about before then. Hell, if he got a papercut, he’d complain. How could he live so recklessly if a broken bone made Tubbo wish he was deaf?

“Gee, thanks.” His chuckles faded out into silent despair. 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it.” Tommy reassured him, wheeling him over towards the couch. “You are one of the strongest people I know.”

That was true. He wasn’t a trampolinist for nothing. As a child, he broke a lot of bones doing things he loved, but nothing was quite as bad as this. Hell, he never saw this coming. He thought the fall would kill him instantly, but it turns out it wasn’t enough. Maybe if the house was taller, it would work.

Tubbo had plenty of plans to take his own life, but all of his plans had been thwarted. His family locked away all the sharp objects and chemicals that could easily become fatal in the wrong hands. He couldn’t quite go anywhere to throw himself in front of a train or from another building without being attached to that hunking piece of metal behind him. 

Someday he hoped to be free from it.

“Besides, we’re meeting someone tomorrow in the park.” Tommy reminded him.

“Oh, yeah.” Tubbo responded in a challenging tone. “You still haven’t told me who.” 

“It’s a surprise.” Tommy turned back and smiled. “You won’t want to miss it.”

“If I find out you’re going to murder me, I’m going to be pissed.” Tubbo replied sarcastically.

“What?” Tommy acted offended. “No! I just want you to meet someone in the park with me, that’s all. I’m sure they’ll love you.” 

Tommy saw Tubbo’s eyes fall on his crutches. The doctor said he needed to alternate between the crutches and his wheelchair. So far, he hasn't done a very good job. 

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to walk if you don’t want to yet.” Tommy reassured him. “You just got your crutches a couple weeks ago. I don’t expect you to run a 5k with those.”

“But I want to try.” Tubbo was stubborn. 

“Are you sure?” Tommy’s question was returned with a nod. 

“Alright then.” Tommy was perplexed. “I’ll bring them tomorrow just in case you want to use them.” 

Tubbo was in pain, but he was pleased to use them. Soon, he’ll be able to walk again. But for now, he just sat there, doing nothing but battling those dark thoughts, trying not to act on them. Maybe one day he would be free from them. But until then, he would just have to shulk in silence. 

Maybe one day, he would focus on the future instead of the past. 

~~~

“So this is the place?” Tubbo asked, looking at the empty park.

It was March. It was one of those rare days where it wasn’t raining and it didn’t feel like you were living in an ice cube. If there was one month everyone hated when it came to the weather, it was March. Yet, no one took advantage of this lovely day. 

“Yeah, I think so.” Tommy responded. 

“So, where are they?” Tubbo was confused yet impatient. “You said they would be here.”

“Trust me, they’ll be here in a moment.” Wilbur winked at Tommy, but Tubbo still didn’t get it.

“I’m not sure, guys.” Tubbo was undecided. “You mean, it-”

“It was meant to be, was it?” 

A chill, deep voice behind them answered. That voice. It sounded so familiar . 

Tubbo whipped his head around to see Eret in an elegant pose with Elaina strolling behind them, looking much more normal than they were with shiny leather ebony boots and a sparkly swirling black dress to match. 

“Eret?” Tubbo was shaking. “How did you get here?”

“Well, we were just coming to visit for a few days…” Eret rambled, walking closer to the wheelchair with their tall black boots clacking on the concrete. “...But we couldn’t bother to leave the U.K. without checking up on our little guy.” 

“Ayup, Wilbur!” Jack came walking behind them like they would in a parade, Scott right at his side. 

“Ayup, Jack!” Wilbur waved. “How’s it going, man?”

“Not bad myself, how about your way?” Jack answered back as the duo began to converse. 

“Oh, we’re so excited to see you, Tubbo.” Scott walked up to Tubbo, gawking at him lovingly. “We were so worried about you. I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Yeah, me too.” Tubbo sounded sweet, hiding his disinterest. 

“Hello, Wilbur!” A sweet voice called out. 

A woman walked over, her brown hair fading out into long strands of blonde at the end. She had a large tote bag around her shoulder and had glasses with wide, rose gold frames around her eyes. 

Wilbur awkwardly smirked. “Niki, it’s nice to see you here.” 

“Well, of course!” Niki smiled warmly. “I came over here as soon as you called. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Wha-hey!” Another man came running, this time one in a bright orange jacket. “Don’t forget about me!” 

It was a tall man just like Wilbur, just a bit more awkward-looking. The man had straight hair, half of it white and the other half golden brown in color. His knuckles were covered in black fingerless gloves and he wore a black hat with a multicolored lightning bolt on it. 

“Oh my god!” Tubbo gawked. “It’s the original L’Manburg folks! You really got them together?”

“Yeah, wasn’t very hard.” Wilbur explained “Jack and Niki live in the same city as us and Eret was visiting. I called up Fundy and-”

“Oh, thank you, Wilbur!” Tubbo hugged Wilbur’s waist. 

~~~~

The day was going good so far. 

After going to the park, the group went to a nearby restaurant and ate together, keeping up with what everyone else was doing since he was in the hospital. They seemed to be going on with their lives, almost like his attempt hadn’t deterred them.  

“Oh, we have something for you.” Eret said, handing Tubbo a silver bag.

Opening it up, Tubbo noticed that it was a flower crown that you would get at a festival. It reminded him of those festivals that they had in Scandinavia or in some sort of cottagecore dream. 

“We went to a renaissance fair a few weeks ago and we found that.” Elaina clarified. 

“We thought you would like that.” Eret went on to elaborate. 

“I love it.” Tubbo smiled as he put it on his head. “It feels… regal.”

“Open ours!” Scott demanded next, handing him a glittery rainbow bag that he swiped from Jack's hands. “You’ll love it!”

It was a stuffed unicorn with pink hair and a white coat intertwined with specks of colors - very typical for Scott’s branding. One of its hooves had been chewed on by Elle, but it was hardly noticeable. Next to it were some wireless headphones, red in color. 

“Oh cool, some headphones!” Tubbo was enthralled. “And a unicorn?”

“I impulse-bought it a while ago.” Scott said somberly. “I was just going to throw it out while I was cleaning but then… your attempt happened and…When Jack told me, my heart was crushed. I felt so bad seeing you like that and I thought something soft would help cheer you up.” 

“Scott, I love this.” Tubbo’s eyes widened as he held the soft stuffed animal up to his face. “How did you know I love collecting stuffed animals?”

“I didn’t.” Scott was taken aback. “I just thought you would want something soft to hug.” 

“Oh, open mine next!” Fundy jumped up and placed an orange bag in front of him. .

“I really wasn’t sure what to get you.” Fundy rambled as Tubbo opened it. “I was in a local cafe when they were selling ornaments and I found one you would love. I know it’s not much, but I knew you liked simple gifts.” 

It was a wood-carved ornament, almost like something that would hang on a christmas tree. It was circular, the inside colored like a scene from a christmas card. There was a fox holding a mug of hot chocolate with a scarf around his neck. A scroll beneath said something in Dutch that Tubbo couldn’t understand, but he assumed it must have been festive.  

“Oh, this is really pretty.” Tubbo complemented before he squinted towards the unfamiliar words. “What’s a… fine feast dragon?”

“Fijne feestdagen?” Fundy translated. “Happy holidays in Dutch.” 

“Oh, that makes sense.” Tubbo looked back at the ornament, enlightened. 

Tubbo took a couple of candles from Niki's pink bag she placed before him, which had interesting words on them that he didn't understand. Niki had to have brought them back from Germany. What was a Rosengarten or a Lavendelluft anyway? Tubbo didn’t know.

“I was in a candle shop and I found these candles.” Niki blushed, although it could have also been her makeup. “The pink one is rose and the purple one is lavender. Paulinchen’s is a really nice store. You should go there sometime when you come to Germany.” 

“I love them, Niki.” Tubbo sniffed one of the candles. “They smell so good.”

“We all gave you a card.” Jack tilted his head and smiled. “Open it up. We would all like to see it.” 

It was a card in an orange envelope. The card had a bird with a broken wing attached to a green parachute, drawn in a cute manner. He opened it, noticing the colorful ink pop from the page with messages from his friends. 

I can't fully understand what you are feeling, but I can offer you my support. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out. Gute Besserung! - Niki

Hang in there, friend. Better days are just around the corner. Remember to take each day one at a time. You’ll be healthy and smiling again sooner than you know it! - Fundy

We are always thinking about you! Don’t be afraid to come by our house if you need a helping hand! I can't wait to see that amazing smile of yours again! - Scott 

We hope you’re taking it slow and easy right now. Know that there are so many of us that care about you and will be by your side as you recover. Take your time getting back to your old self again! We miss you around here! - Elaina 

Remember that you're not alone. We'll be here by your side as you get through this. You bring so much happiness and joy to everyone's lives. Hopefully this card will bring a little to yours. - Eret

I hope you feel better soon! I’ve missed having my buddy around. Looking forward to catching up with you once you're feeling back to your old self again. - Jack

Tubbo noticed a few pictures in there. One of Elle, one of Goose, one of Zuko. Pictures he could put into his scrapbook to remind him who he was living for. They all reminded him so much of that cat that hung around their house. If he killed himself that night, he wouldn’t have known about her.

Maybe he should start streaming again.

He got to meet his friends. He got to meet Tommy and Wilbur and Phil. He got to meet Jack and Eret and Niki and Fundy. They were some of the best people he’d ever met. Maybe being a streamer wasn’t half bad. Maybe he should return to that job. 

Sure, he missed Ranboo, but he needed to move on. All of his friends seemed to. Streaming, as stressful as it was, was still his job. Everyone missed him. Perhaps he should come back just for the sake of having a good time.

After all, it felt like home.

Chapter Text

“Lani, you want anything on your pizza?” Tubbo shouted from downstairs.

“Um, maybe some pineapple or something.” Lani shouted before turning over to her chat. “I guess I’m going to end the stream here guys. I’ll see you later.” 

Meanwhile, chat went wild before the stream ended.

AStanNamedStan: TUBBO?

OveractiveImpala: tubbo holy shit

ThatQueerKiwi: TUBBO’S ALIVE?

fuckingscared_fuckingscared: ew who eats pineapples on pizza 

Firestarmoonstone37: tubbo please come back we miss you <3

RatisshortforRathew: TUBBO

Rawsalmononagrill: Is he returning????

fuckingscared_fuckingscared: Yooo bee boys back 

Minecraftnoteblock: TUBBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AStanNamedStan: IS TUBBO RETURNING?

ThatQueerKiwi: HE BETTER COME BACK SOON

~~~~

“Well, you’re trending again.” Lani said, looking at her Twitter. 

“That sounds about right.” Tubbo sighed. “Should I…tell everyone what happened?”

“Only if you feel comfortable.” Tommy responded. 

“I-I don’t, but I’m glad things worked out this way.” Tubbo nodded. “I was thinking about going back to streaming in a couple days if you don’t mind.”

“We don’t mind, but you don’t have to stream if you don’t want to.” Tommy reassured him. “Your mental health always comes first.”

“But I do!” Tubbo said excitedly. “I want to stream. I want to move on.” 

“Toby, you don't have to do this.”  

“I know how hard streaming was after… he left. I saw you cry when I walked in after every stream.” 

“Come on.” Tubbo lied. “That was only a few times…”

“Toby!” Lani looked at him, worried. “I heard you as well.”

“Yeah, It was pretty hard on me but now I really want to do it.” Tubbo said confidently. 

"I'll take care of this stream for you." Tommy reassured him. “I’ll make sure to delete any comments asking where you’ve been and your facecam will be off so no one can see your wheelchair. I’ll be on the stream as well and I won’t say anything that will hurt you. Nobody will be upset if you stop the stream whenever you want. Do you trust me?”

“I trust you.” Tubbo smiled sheepishly. 

Tommy rubbed his back. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.” 

Tubbo looked outside. He saw a couple bees flutter around. He saw the silver tabby laying out in the grass, rolling in the dirt. He smiled. The wildlife around him always made him smile- even that goddamn cat.

That’s right, it was going to be okay. 

~~~~

“Hello, welcome back. My name is Tubbo and I’m going to make a new Minecraft world with my friend Tommy. Tommy, are you ready?” 

“Fuck yeah!” 

Tubbo watched a clip of himself on his phone. There he was, nervousness and gruffness in his voice, his facecam and donos had been turned off. But yet, he was still there, making his first world with Tommy since his attempt. He planned to add more people to play with him, but for now, Tommy was enough. 

Tommy hadn’t set up his computer yet, so he borrowed Lani’s setup. It was funny to see Tommy in a Pikachu onesie walking around and building things. The fanart didn’t help either. Moments like this remind him how much he both loved and hated his fans. 

Tubbo ended up crying after the stream, but not from sadness. He was overjoyed from all of the support everyone had given him. True to his word, Tommy deleted the messages that were too personal and was there the whole time. 

The support online was amazing. The fans were all mostly focused on making fun of Tommy’s skin, but they were happy that Tubbo had finally returned from his break. None of them knew anything about his attempt, so everything went according to plan. 

If only things could stay this positive forever.

Chapter Text

Techno knew all the best places to take his friends. 

There was a 50’s style dinner Techno found a couple months ago, just after Tommy left. Techno seemed absolutely delighted to be there, his face beaming with joy as soon as he walked in. It was only a few short blocks from Wilbur’s apartment, hidden down a side alley and frequented by locals. There were only a few tables occupied by older couples in the quiet café.

“So, how have you guys been?” Tommy asked, before drinking his coke.

“Pretty well.” Wilbur updated. “Techno pretty much stole your room.” 

“Oh, stop it.” Techno gave him a light elbow. “There’s still room for you there.”

“Techno’s room is interesting.” Wilbur lightly bullied him as Techno slurped his milkshake. “It has a hammock. Who sleeps in a hammock indoors?” 

“Don’t tell him this, but on the first day you left, he started bawling his eyes out.” Techno whispered to Tommy. 

“What a wuss.” Tommy snickered.  

“What was that?” Wilbur barged into their conversation. 

“Oh, nothing.” Tommy smirked. 

“Adonis!” A waitress called out, a southern drawl to her voice. “How have you been? I see you brought friends.” 

“Adonis?” Wilbur turned to Techno, confused.

“Yeah, that’s what they call me.” Techno gave a sheepish grin to his friends before turning back to the waitress, who didn’t look under 50. “Pretty good. How about you, Brittany?”

“Pretty good myself.” She gave a bright grin as she walked away. 

Techno sighed before realizing what he just revealed as everyone looked at him with confused stares. Shit. 

“Wait, I thought your name was something normal.” Tubbo looked perplexed.

“Honestly, Adonis is a cooler name.” Techno admitted, winking. "As long as you're talking about me, I'm fine with whatever."

Adonis was most likely one of those odd Greek myth names that no one but Techno was familiar with. He only ever discussed those ridiculous myths, but nobody seemed to pay much attention.

As always, he was right. 

~~~~

It was quiet at Wilbur’s house.

Tommy and Techno were dozing off in Techno's hammock, tightly huddled together in a large blanket. Meanwhile, Tubbo was helping Wilbur fix his guitar. It was out of tune after their last practice a couple days ago and he never had the chance to readjust it. 

“Tubbo, I have something I want to give you.” Wilbur’s eye perked up as he swiveled around in bed, getting something out of a plastic bag.  

From behind his back, Wilbur pulled out a white polaroid camera. One just like Wilbur had, only newer. Tubbo was astonished. Those things weren’t cheap and Wilbur had an extra one?

“The band saved up to buy Tommy his guitar through our shows and I bought this camera with the leftover funds.” Wilbur explained. “I was going to give it to him, but then I thought you would like it more.” 

“Oh, Baby Blue!” Tubbo perked up. “The guitar he keeps repeating Wonderwall and Riptide on.”

“That’s what he named the guitar?” Wilbur was astounded. “I thought he would name it Lizzie or something.” 

“Yeah, he’ll never stop talking about her.” Tubbo chatted. “With the way he talks about her, I think he might ha-” 

CLICK!

Well, he found the right button to take a picture.

“Oh shit!” Tubbo apologized as the dazzling light vanished. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” 

 Despite being shaken by the flash, Wilbur grinned. “I guess that’s one for the scrapbook.”

Well, he was right. 

Chapter Text

“A jay?” Teagan questioned her sister. 

“Well, it had to be some sort of bird.” Lani tried to convince her sister. “It was big and it was black and white and it had filly feathers. I tried to get it out, but it knocked over the vase and scratched up the floor.” 

“Let me guess.” Teagan rolled her eyes. “You’re just making up crap.”

“Fine, you caught me.” Lani threw up her hands. “It wasn’t a bird. It was that cat that always hangs around here.”

“Knew it.” Teagan smirked. 

“Please don’t tell our parents.” Lani cowarded. “They’ll kill us.”

“FIne, I’ll cover for you once.” Teagan groaned. “It better not happen again. Our parents will get suspicious if we keep lying to them. I’ll tell them I fell over or something. Just…don’t let it happen again.”  

“Alright, I’ll take better care of Oreo.” Lani turned around and left. 

“Oreo?” Teagan’s face twisted. “You named her.”

“Of course.” Lani countered. “We named Rocky, didn’t we?” 

“Yeah, but she’s wild.” Teagan explained. “Mum told you not to let her into the house or to name her or we’ll get attached.”

“Don’t care.” Lani stood her ground. “I love her.”

~~~~

Tommy and Tubbo were about to go on one of their walks.

Tubbo strapped the bee bag around his body, puting Boo inside so he wouldn’t get lost. He walked outside, only to hesitate for a bit when he noticed a silver lump in the driveway, moving slightly as he paced over to it. Tommy walked behind him, noticing the lump as well. 

Oh shit. 

“Tommy, is the cat okay?” Tubbo asked worriedly.

The silver cat was lying on the pavement, panting heavily. She was drooling on the ground with her golden eyes dilated. She trembled like a leaf, reaching out her paws as a sign of help. She had a sickly appearance that bordered on death, with only rugged breathing to keep her alive.

“She’s breathing kinda funny.” Tubbo noticed. “Should we take her to the vet?”

Tommy knew what he had to do. Even though Lani would be pissed if her parents found out, Oreo probably wouldn’t survive if they did nothing. An annoyed Lani and a living cat was way better than a sad Lani and a dead cat. 

“Probably best we should.” Tommy responded. 

“Yeah, we should.” Tubbo agreed. “You stay here with her while I go get my parents.”

With his crutches, Tubbo made his way as quickly as he could back to the house. It wasn’t very fast, but he was still learning how to properly use them.  So far, he was an expert. He’d broken bones in his leg before, just not at the same time. Damn Tommy had to go and save his life. 

Sighing, Tommy turned back to Oreo, who was still breathing irregularly, but had gone limp. Tommy didn’t know if this meant she was relaxed around him or if she was actually dying. Either way, he didn’t want to tell Lani that her cat had died and there was nothing they could do about it, especially since her parents knew about it now. 

“That’s it, Oreo.” Tommy continued to pet her fluffy head, feeling her purr. “You’re in good hands now. I’ve got you. We’ll make you feel better.” 

Tommy could recall Lani telling him that purring meant different things. Cats purr when they are comfortable, but also purr when they are in pain. Clearly, Oreo was in pain, but there might have been an element of comfort to it. 

He just hoped Tubbo’s parents got there in time. 

~~~~

Fortunately, Oreo made it through. 

Turns out Oreo ate something that was poisoned. Even though it was heartbreaking and inhumane, poisoning feral cats was one method used to control their numbers. Thank goodness Tommy and Tubbo discovered her and brought her in right away. 

With an IV drip connected to her to maintain her hydration, Oreo was tucked neatly between blankets inside of one of the crates, sleeping heavily. When Oreo gets better, she’ll be spayed, vaccinated, returned to the wild, or—if she was amiable enough—adopted. 

With how friendly Oreo was around him, it might have seemed like Oreo was a pretty tame cat. Maybe she had an owner before her life on the streets. Maybe she escaped from somewhere and nobody cared to look for her. 

But Tommy had one phone call to make. 

“Hello, Lani.” Tommy broke the silence. 

“Tommy, where’s Oreo?” Lani asked. “I’ve been looking all over for her.”

“We…” Tommy hestated. “We had to take her to the vet. Me and Toby found her lying in the driveway and she looked really sick.”

“Please don’t tell me you…” Lani gulped. “...had to put her down.”

“No, the vet just gave her some medicine and is keeping an eye on her overnight.” Tommy informed her. “She thinks that she probably ate something that was poisoned. She'll be fine, I assure you.” 

“Oh, thank God.” Lani sighed in relief. “Did you tell them about me keeping her for the past few months?”

“No, your siblings covered that.” Tommy revealed. “All they know is that they found her in the driveway and that they are trying to convince them to keep her.”

“Oh, that’s very much like them to do that.” Lani sighed thankfully. “They would take a bullet for me if they could.”

“Yeah, I think they are going to the store to buy some stuff for her now.” Tommy sat back, continuing to chat with Lani. “For now, they are just going to take care of her until she’s well again, but I’m sure we can convince them.”

“Sure we can.” Lani winked.

Chapter Text

“A million people decided to press the same button, so now I'm making a cake that can kill God.”

Tubbo was sobbing at the video on his phone. He vowed to himself that he wouldn’t watch another one of Ranboo’s goddamned videos, but he was in the mood. He missed him so much. Much more than Tommy or Techno or Phil or Wilbur.

Maybe if there was a sign Ranboo was still alive, he wouldn’t be so depressed.

Then he remembered.

Alcohol made him feel good. On those nights things got too hard, alcohol was his only friend. He heard they cleared all the beer and cider from the house, but his parents had a cabinet full of liquor. It was high up, but it was there. 

Taking a stool, walked into the kitchen and climbed up to grab a bottle of whiskey his parents had. It was half-empty, but it was enough for him to get fairly drunk. With his thieving hands, he carried the glass container down to his steaming area, sneaking past the others like he was in the deep dark. Thankfully, everyone else was asleep, including Tommy. 

Puting the bottle up to his lips, he felt the liquid inside go down. Within a few more times of this, Tubbo was already starting to feel fuzzy. But he didn’t care. He was still mesmerized by these new sensations. It was like his brain was stuffed with mud. Everything felt all tingly and warm and he felt tired and dizzy, but in a good way. 

His legs didn’t hurt as much anymore and all of his depression seemed to fade away, which to him was a plus. If only he felt like this all the time, maybe Ranboo would stay at the back of his mind and everything would be all good. 

Whatever this witchcraft was, he needed to drink more. 

~~~~

Tubbo is live!

Wgjwgwgwgwrgwrgwrjjwjwrjjwf

“Hey guysssss…” Tubbo started, his words slurring together as he held the enderman tight. “It’s been a while, hasb’t it?” 

AStanNamedStan: wtf is he drunk or smth?

ThatQueerKiwi: tubbo please get help you don’t look so good

BumblingBee: Tubbo?

Cheatdots: You alright man?

FlamboyantEmu: Yeah you need help

“I know you guys have been worried about me, but ’m okay.” Tubbo chuckled off sadly. “I just needed a break. It’s nice…It’s nice to take breaks, is it?”

LunchSerpent: Tubbo please

FactTadpole: it is but you don’t look so good

CountryDolphin: yeah go take a nap or smth idk

Sealectric: I’m worried about him

FlawlessViking: Tubbo please rest

“I’m been…been thinking about someone.” Tubbo turned away sadly, breaking his mask. “You guys might know him. You guys heard of a little guy named Ranboo, right?”

OveractiveImpala: RANBOO?

Grayraccoon: GENDERMAN?????

WriterSmirk: is he coming back?

Commandroid: I hope so

CreativePorcupine: Yeah I miss him

“About Ranboo…he-he’s not coming back…” Tubbo revealed, his voice laced with sorrow. “We’b lost touch with him over a year ago and…shit, man…it’s been so hard on me…If he was still alive, he wouldn’t have ghosted me.”

Firestarmoonstone37: MY HEART ITS CRUSHED

Rawsalmononagrill: YOU FUCKERRRRR

fuckingscared_fuckingscared: TUBBO WHAT THE FUCCCCCCK

Minecraftnoteblock: WHAT THE HELL?

FalseIdol: This just ruined my day

“Alright, that’s enough.” Tommy barged in, running towards the computer. 

“TOMMY, NO!”  Tubbo screamed to no avail. 

Tommy clicked the button to end the stream and turned to Tubbo, who was bawling his eyes out at this point. Tommy sighed, obviously annoyed with him. As much as he wanted to blame him, Tommy could tell something wasn’t quite right with him. He looked around the room, noticing a familiar scent that made him wince. His eyes landed on a bottle of whiskey on the counter, completely empty. Tubbo must have been drunk. Lani warned him and he didn’t keep an eye on him. Now, they both finally paid the price.

“No, Tommyyyyy...” Tubbo wept intoxicatedly. “Wanna streammmm....”

“Tubbo, I think that's enough for today.” Tommy gave a firm reply. “Let’s get you to bed, alright?”

“But Tommyyyy...” Tubbo yawned childishly. “’M not s’eepy…’m not…”

“It’s literally eleven o’clock.” Tommy stood his ground. “We both should be in bed.”

"Mmm, nooo..." Tubbo complained. 

“Mmm, yessss…” Tommy mocked. “Now come here and we’ll get you into bed.”

Tommy took Tubbo’s shoulder and led him to the bed nearby, slow enough that Tubbo’s swaying and staggering body could keep up.  His blue eyes fluttered as he struggled to stay awake, drooping closer and closer to closing. As soon as they were settled on the couch, Tubbo tumbled headfirst into Tommy’s chest like a heap of stones. Tommy could feel Tubbo’s flushed face against his skin as he began to snore, a clue that he was dozing off. Tommy turned his friend over onto his side in case he needed to throw up and watched over him. 

Even while asleep, he looked sad and confused. 

Tommy sadly smiled at him before the phone rang. To no surprise, it was Phil calling him. Phil was always there to look out for his family, whether or not they were related to him.  

“Hey Tommy, we saw the stream.” Wilbur started.

“Are you guys doing alright?” Phil butted in. “Do I need to come over?”

“No, he’s asleep for now.” Tommy tried to reassure them. “But I am worried about him.”

“We all are, mate.” Phil gave a melancholy reply. “We saw how heartbroken he was when he started talking about… him.”

“We should have seen this coming.” Wilbur responded. “Not this stream, but this whole secret about us not being able to contact him. We should have been more honest with everyone about this.”  

“Yeah, Lani told me he’d been drinking to cope with things since he left.” Tommy revealed. “I probably should have kept a closer eye on him.”

“So this wasn’t a one time thing?” Phil spoke in a worried tone. 

“No, this has happened before.” Tommy elaborated. “Not on stream, but when he was alone in his loft he used to do this. They thought he might have kicked it when he went to the psych ward but I think something must have triggered him and he relapsed.”

“It’s all good, mate.” Phil tried to assure him. “We all make mistakes. We’ll deal with it in the morning. For now, let him get some rest.” 

“Hey, don’t let Tubbo go onto Twitter for a while.” Wilbur reminded him. “He needs to heal.”

“Don’t worry.” Tommy responded with a fake chuckle. “He’s not going to be using it for a while with the killer hangover he’s going to have tomorrow.” 

He just hoped he was right.

Chapter Text

Tubbo woke up to Oreo on his chest, lightly pawing at him to get up.

Oreo had been around their house for a week and already everyone was attached. She was set to be spayed and likely released within another week. If they knew Lani (which they did), she would never let her go. 

“Ughhh…” Tubbo sluggishly opened his eyes. 

The moment he stood up, the bright light made his head start to beat like a drum. It was like he was a vampire in one of those dumb horror movies. It was a shock that he didn’t turn to ash or get sunburnt or something. 

“Hey there, bud.” Even with Tommy's soft voice as he entered the room, there was too much noise. “You had quite the night.”

“What... happened?” He groaned. 

“I’ll explain it to you later.” Tommy turned away sorrowfully. “Come on, your mum made some pancakes.”

“Mmm…” He covered his eyes with his arm, blocking out the sun. “Not hungry.”  

“Well, if you're not going to eat, I will.” Tommy retorted. 

“Go ahead.” Tubbo placed a pillow over his ears. “Don’t care. Wanna go back to sleep.”

True to their word, Tubbo went back to sleep and Tommy left to go eat. 

~~~~

Tubbo stepped into the kitchen sluggishly, still stumbly from last night’s misadventure.

He walked over to the counter, heading up a thing of french toast sticks they had in the freezer. Unfortunately, his mother and sisters were also present and they were very curious as to why he didn’t come for breakfast hours before. 

“Toby, what happened to you?” Teagan asked him as he walked in, feeling his forehead. “You never miss breakfast. Are you sick?” 

“Guh…No, but I feel sick.” Tubbo leaned forward, avoiding his sister’s gaze as he took the french toast out of the microwave.

“You smell weird.” Lani sniffed. “Have you been drinking again?”

“No?” Tubbo gave an uncomfortable laugh. “What makes you think that?”

“Toby, are you lying to us?” His mother looked at him with a furious expression on her face. “I know that smell from a mile away.”

“Okay, okay.” Tubbo admitted. “I might have had a little bit to drink…”

“How much is ‘a little bit’?” Teagan stared at him angrily. 

Tubbo started to blush with embarrassment. “God, I can’t remember.”

“Toby, I saw what happened last night.” Lani revealed. “I saw you finished the rest of mum’s whiskey.”

“Toby, what were you thinking?” His mum looked at him, anger brewing inside through her calm exterior.

“I’m sorry...” Tubbo broke into tears as he ran his palms over his eyes. “I’m so sorry… I told you I wouldn’t do this to you again… but I lied…”

“Hey, it’s alright.” His mum patted his back. “We all make mistakes, but I am disappointed in you. Why didn’t you tell us before you did this?” 

“I don’t know...” Tubbo continued to cry. “I just don’t know.”

~~~~

Tubbo noticed the silence around the house.

Most noticeably, Tommy was silent. His phone had gone missing and he wondered if he had thrown it into another bush. Maybe Tommy knew what happened because he sure as hell didn’t. 

“Tommy, what happened last night?” Tubbo asked, worried. 

Tommy stayed silent. He didn’t want to tell him about the stream. 

“Please tell me!” He pleaded.

“Well… you sorta told your fans…” Tommy was hesitant. 

“Told my fans what?” Tubbo got defensive. “Tommy, what did I-”

“You…kinda told them all Ranboo was… dead.”

“I… what?” He stuttered.

“I had to come in and turn off the stream for you before you told them anything else.” Tommy backtracked. “Don’t worry, you didn’t give anything away about your attempt.”

What the fuck had he done?

Everyone knows about Ranboo now. He couldn’t take it back, no matter what he tried. Tears started to brim on the sides of his vision. 

“Phil will take care of this.” Tommy reassured him. “You don’t need to worry.”

Tubbo knew they were all trying to make him feel better, but he didn’t see it. The thought still burned, suffocating him like smoke. Ranboo was dead. And if he wasn’t dead, Tubbo most certainly killed him. 

In some part of his mind, he needed to die too. 

Chapter Text

Tubbo woke up for the second time that night.

All night, he had been tossing and turning, thinking about what he’d done. What could he do? Everything was in shambles. He couldn’t escape from it. He clung to Boo tightly, trying to escape it. 

His eyes wandered onto a white bottle on the counter. Someone must have used them recently and not put them away. What would happen if, by chance, he took the entire bottle? Would he just fall asleep and never wake up? Or would it be much more painful than that? Either way, there wasn’t much to live for. His entire world had crumbled now that Ranboo was gone. Maybe if he died too… 

Wait. He couldn’t do that.

He had his family who always had his back, even after all the shit he put on them. He had his friends who always supported him during this time of need. He had his fans who still loved him despite the stream just a couple days ago. He couldn’t let any of them down by attempting again. Besides, if anyone found out, they might send him back to the psych ward. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to leave them again.

Tubbo couldn’t help but weep over everything that had occurred. 

“Tubbo?”

Tubbo was so lost in those conflicting thoughts that he couldn’t notice someone behind him. Someone must have noticed Tubbo crying. He barely had time to see Techno’s tear-stained cheeks before he lept in and hugged him. Tubbo resisted giving up even after defeat, causing Techno to squeeze him tighter.  It was like Techno was cradling a younger version of himself in his arms, silently screaming and crying for someone to kill him. 

The memories flashed back into Techno’s head. The cool blade against his skin as it sliced into him. Blood flowing everywhere, despite his futile attempts to stop it with towels and the sink. His roommate coming in at the right time to find him lying on the bathroom floor, hardly conscious as the floor squished with his own blood. 

“Shhhh.” Techno winced at his thoughts, trying to calm himself and the boy wiggling in his arms. “You’re going to be okay, I promise.”

Tubbo nodded unsurely, clinging on for dear life as he stopped squirming. 

“Tubbo, I know you’re hurting.” Techno sighed, breaking the silence. “But if you need to talk, I’m right here. I just want to understand you better.”

Tubbo remained silent. He didn’t want to talk. 

“You know, I was just like you.” Techno revealed.

“You were?” Tubbo broke his silence. 

“Well…”  Techno scratched the back of his neck. “It was a rough year for me. My parents were still in the middle of their divorce and college wasn't doing me any good. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and just felt so alone. One night, I just couldn’t take it anymore and… well, I did this.”

Techno rolled up the left sleeve of his shirt, revealing something he never wanted to show Tubbo. It was a long scar, ranging from the middle of Techno’s wrist to halfway down his arm. Even after it healed, the scar still remained as a reminder of what he’d done.

The night was still fresh in his mind. Blood poured out of him in buckets as he reached to call his parents to say goodbye, the blood loss starting to get to his brain. The entire bathroom of his tiny apartment covered in his blood, hoping his roommate wouldn’t come in and discover his self-destructive mess. Next thing he knew, he was in a clean white hospital bed, his arm all stitched up and his roommate and parents looking at him with sappy eyes. Then the psych ward came, the worst couple weeks of his life.

“Oh, Techno…” Tubbo whispered. 

"I know…” Techno started sobbing. “I was so stupid…"

“No, no, Techno…” Tubbo tried to comfort him. “You’re not stupid. You just… made a mistake, that’s all.”

“Shit…It’s been four or so years since then and I…” He sighed, trying to compose himself. 

“Is that why you were so worried about me?” Tubbo asked. “Because you attempted as well?”

“You’re my friend, Tubbo.” Techno looked up from his scar, hiding it once again. “I didn’t want you to go through what I went through. If I had known what you were feeling this way, I'd come here sooner.”

"So why has everything gone so wrong?" Tubbo vented. "Does the world just hate me? No matter what I do, everything goes to shit."

"Toby, I understand this more than you'll ever know." Techno spoke in a comforting voice, putting his hand on Tubbo’s arm. "But there's a light on the other end of the tunnel and we will make sure you'll find it." 

“But I relapsed…” Tubbo turned away, tears in his eyes. “And I made an awful fool of myself.”

“That’s just part of recovery.” Techno sagely explained. “You fall, you get back up and you keep going. Healing isn’t linear. It takes time, but it also takes effort. People are bound to make mistakes. That’s just part of healing.” 

“So, how did you get better?” Tubbo asked.

“Well, it’s not something you can get rid of.” Techno said in a somber, monotone voice. “However, there are always ways to improve yourself.” 

Tubbo perked up. “Like what?”

“Well, I found a few doctors that helped me with therapy and medicine.” Techno explained. “Sounds like your therapist has been helping you.”

“Yeah, I’m still in therapy.” Tubbo blinked sadly. “From the sounds of it, it’s not going to stop anytime soon.”

"Hmmm, I know this sounds kind of corny, but I started exercising more frequently, getting enough sleep, and eating healthier.” Techno informed him. “Back when I was in America, I used to take Floof on walks in the morning to the nearest restaurant before I started working on my videos. I’ve gotten a little off track since I moved, but I’m working through it. ” 

“I bet my attempt messed everything up.” Tubbo scoffed sadly. “It was the reason why you moved here after all.” 

“I was always planning on moving here.” Techno reassured him. “Ever since I met Phil, he helped me realize I wanted to live. Nobody really connected with me like he did.”

“So, Phil to you is like Tommy to me?” Tubbo chuckled. “That explains why he’s obsessed with women.”

“Besides, I’m not big into the whole romance stuff.” Techno smiled slyly, wrapping an arm around him. “I just wanna play Minecraft and chill. I have more important things to live for than a relationship. Besides, I have you guys and that’s all I need.”

Sappiness trickled into Tubbo, silently crying into his enderman once more. With the amount of times Tubbo cried into it, it needed to be cleaned. Techno patted his back again. 

“Do you think Ranboo’s still alive?” Tubbo muttered softly into the stuffed animal.

“I’m not sure.” Techno looked away. “All we can do is hope. But don’t beat yourself over it. I bet wherever he is, he’s still proud of you.”

Somehow, that advice made Tubbo smile a bit.

Chapter Text

KarlJacobs:

I’m kinda worried about him

he seemed so sad during that stream

GeorgeNotFound:

I know karl

but we can’t really do anything about it

just let it run its course 

Dream:

besides

bet they’ll forget about it within a couple months

Tubbo:

guess you guys know about stream

KarlJacobs:

yeah we did

so sorry you felt that way

Tubbo:

Its okay

I’m fucking stupid

Sapnap: 

no you aren’t

you just made a mistake

we all do that

Dream:

there’s nothing wrong with that

know how the internet can be

trust me :)

GeorgeNotFound:

we’re still arranging to meet with you

just got a little busy with stuff in the us but we have plans to come up there soon

Tubbo:

Aw thank you guys :)

Then Tubbo heard crying through the walls. 

“Kristin, I don't know what to do anymore.” Tubbo heard a voice from the other room. 

“Look, we need to stay together for Tommy.” Phil spoke in a comforting manner.

 “You don’t know how many nightmares I had about losing him since what happened at Northney.” Kristin sobbed.

Northney? The bridge near Abernathy Road where Phil and Kristin lived?

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” Phil tried to comfort her. 

“I was so close…” Kristin continued to sob. “If I was even a second off, he could have fallen and…”

“Oh, Kristin…” Phil patted his wife’s head. “I’ve felt the same way.” 

Tubbo was in shock. Had Tommy tried to kill himself as well? Tubbo knew how painful it was, not just on himself, but on others around him. And Tommy did the same thing? He couldn’t believe it. 

“Phil, if I lost him…” Kristin sobbed into Phil’s shirt. “How could I forgive myself if I didn't…”

“Shhhh, everything’s okay, my angel.” Phil continued to comfort her.

Tubbo could do nothing but stay silent and stew in anger. 

~~~~

“Tommy, can I talk to you?” Tubbo asked, slight anger in his tone. “Alone?”

“Umm…” Tommy walked over to where Tubbo was standing in the empty living room. “Okay?”

Tubbo gave a sigh. “Tommy, what happened at Northney?” 

Oh, shit.

“What are you talking about?” Tommy smiled, trying to hide his pain. 

“I heard Kristin talking about it.” Tubbo wouldn't budge. “I think I know what happened.” 

“Look, we can talk about this another time, alright.” Tommy got up to walk away. 

“No, I want to talk about it now.” Tubbo demanded, getting up as well. “Tell me what happened.”

“Look, I wasn't going to jump.” Tommy tried to explain. “I was just looking over the water and… I fell. Thankfully, Kristin got me just in time and-”

Tubbo knew this had to be a lie. He knew lying far too well.

“What the fuck Tommy?” Tubbo shouted. “How could you do this to me?” 

“How could you do this to me, asshole?” Tommy mocked Tubbo. “You’re the one who started all of this.” 

The rest of the argument sounded like cats fighting with each other in the dead of night. 

“I could have fucking lost you.”

“You don’t fucking know what happened!”

“Tommy, I know you more than you think I do.” 

“Sure you do, smartass. You know everything in that big ol’ noggin of yours.”

"Look, I'm just letting you know how painful-" 

“Maybe if you didn't fucking call me right when you were about to fucking kill yourself, all this shit wouldn’t have gone down.” Tommy barked angrily, his temper lost, trying to strike a nerve with him. "You should have let me know you were feeling this way before it came to this."

“Well, I wish I actually succeeded so I wouldn't have to deal with YOU!” Tubbo hissed in the same way a cobra would. 

Without a word, Tommy grabbed some of his stuff in a bag and walked out the door. He didn’t have the energy to fight with Tubbo anymore. In fact, it was better if he wasn’t around anymore. Maybe he should just call an Uber and go back home and leave Tubbo to deal with it himself.   

Tubbo was left to fend for himself from now on. 

~~~~

Tommy finally arrived back home. 

His home. Not Tubbo’s stupid house. His home he shared with Wilbur and Techno. He didn’t know where else to go. It was either here or Nottingham and he didn’t have the energy to deal with his parents at this hour. 

A knock at the door surprised everyone. 

“Hello?” Wilbur spoke before realizing who was at the door. “Tommy? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at Tubbo’s?”

“Yeah…” Tommy sadly chuckled, something spinning inside of him. “About that…It’s a long story.” 

“Tell me.” Wilbur demanded. 

The nauseating feeling got stronger, making him hardly able to stand. Tommy felt like his whole body was made of mush. He tried to move, get somewhere safer where he could actually sit down. He took shallow breaths, his heart beating louder and faster than before and his head was beyond hazy. As the voices around him grew more and more frantic, he lost track of who was speaking to him.

“-look good. Maybe-” 

“-hear me?”

“Let’s sit dow-”

“TOMMY!”

Chapter Text

“Tommy!” Techno yelled while trembling. 

“Don’t worry, they’ve got it.” Wilbur reassured Techno, holding him back. 

They knew it wasn't good when they saw Tommy go down, but Phil and Kristin had their own system going. Giving Tommy enough space to breathe, placing pillows under his legs and head for blood flow and comfort, checking him over for any injuries he might have had during the fall, and gathering some Gatorade from the fridge. They did it flawlessly.

Eventually, Tommy sluggishly opened his eyes. He took in the worried expressions on everyone's faces, especially Techno's. 

“You back with us, mate?” Phil asked, getting close to Tommy and holding a bottle of Gatorade up to his lips, which he accepted.

Then Tommy remembered. 

The argument. Storming off into the night. Calling an uber. Forgetting dinner at Tubbo’s. If he skipped even one meal, he felt lightheaded. The argument surely didn’t help with that. 

Fuck, he was such a dumbass. 

“He knows...” Tommy whispered, his eyes tearing up. 

“About what?” Kristin asked softly. 

“The bridge…” Tommy cried out. “He knows about the bridge…”

“Shhhh…” Kristin tried to calm Tommy and herself at the same time. “Don’t get yourself worked up over it.”

“Is this what it’s all about?” Phil asked, making Tommy nod.

“Oh, Tommy…” Phil responded. “I’m so sorry this happened.”

“Yeah…” He sniffled. “I don’t know what to do… he hates me…” 

“No, he still loves you.” Phil tried to comfort him. “He’s just upset.” 

“But he said-”

“Doesn’t matter.” Techno spoke up. “I think the stream really did a number on him and it made him really emotional.” 

“Tommy, you guys are friends.” Wilbur chimed in. “Friends are supposed to stick with each other no matter what.”

“Yeah…” Tommy wiped up his tears. “I guess so.” 

“So how are we going to fix this?” Phil asked, trying to help Tommy. 

“Trust me, I have a perfect plan.” Wilbur smiled smugly at Tommy. 

“Oh no.” Phil pinched the bridge of his nose. “Not this again.”

“Wilbur, we aren’t going to fool Tubbo into thinking there's a fucking emergency.” Tommy shot his idea down. 

“What?” Wilbur acted innocent. “What makes you think that?”

“Because you did it before, you fucking liar.” Phil called him out. 

~~~~

It was hard, but they finally got Tubbo to the park.

At first, Tubbo was stubborn until Lani convinced him to go. He knew it would happen eventually. He knew he would have to confront Tommy sometime. Walking towards the pond, Tubbo saw Tommy sitting on a bench with a loaf of bread, tearing it up and feeding it to the ducks. Tommy looked up as Tubbo sat right next to him. 

“Tubbo, I-” Tommy started.

“Save it.” Tubbo interrupted. “I know how you really feel.”

“Look. I didn’t mean any of it.” Tommy tried to explain. “I was just upset and-”

“Really?” Tubbo got defensive. “If you meant any of it, why were you on that bridge?” 

“I’m not sure.” Tommy looked away. “I wasn’t planning on jumping. She just scared me. That’s all.”

Tubbo remained angrily silent. 

“I was just really upset after everything that happened with Ranboo.” 

Shit, Ranboo affected Tommy as well?

“You were?” 

“Yeah, I was.” Tommy sadly explained. “When Wilbur mentioned him, I punched him in the face then I-”

“You? TommyInnit?” Tubbo couldn’t help but chuckle. “Punch Wilbur Soot in the face?”

“Yeah, little bitch boy deserved it.” Tommy smiled sadly.

The duo was silent for a couple moments before Tubbo spoke up, throwing a slice of bread at a duck.

“Do you ever wish you were a duck?” Tubbo asked. 

“Why do you ask?” Tommy threw more bread at the ducks.

“Ducks are cool.” Tubbo explained excitedly. “They can swim really well and they can fly very fast.”

“What type of duck do you think I am?” Tommy enquired.

“I think you would be more of a chicken.” Tubbo replied, grinning.

“So I’m a cock?” Tommy said, making Tubbo laugh.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Tubbo shrugged. 

“So what would all of our friends be as birds?” Tommy asked Tubbo, throwing out more bread.

“I think Phil and Kristin would be crows for sure.” Tubbo started. 

“Yeah, I feel like Wilbur would be a goose.” Tommy added. “And Techno would be a flamingo.”

“No, Eret would be a flamingo.” Tubbo corrected him. “Techno would be a morepork.”

“A morepork?” Tommy was perplexed. “What’s that?”

“It’s like an owl-type thing in New Zealand.” Tubbo clarified. 

“You’ve been talking a lot about New Zealand lately.” Tommy noticed. “Do you want to move there or something?”

“No, I just think it's a cool place.” Tubbo added, throwing some more bread around.

Tommy smiled silently at Tubbo, who returned the favor. 

“Friends again?” Tommy held out his hand. 

“Friends.” Tubbo shook it. 

Chapter Text

“Aimsey, how are you?” Tubbo grinned. God, he missed talking to Aimsey. 

“I’m doing good.” Aimsey responded. “How are you?”

“You know.” Tubbo chatted. “My legs, they’re improving.”

“No, how are you?” Aimsey asked again. “Like mentally, how are you?”

“Good?” Tubbo was uncertain. “Why are you asking?”

“Tommy… he told me about your attempt.” They sighed. 

The call went quiet. 

“You didn’t have to lie to me. You know I wouldn’t tell anyone else.”

“I know, I just…” Tubbo paused “...knew it would get out somehow. Tommy really doesn’t know when to shut up sometimes and...I knew it’s not really his fault but…”

“I’ll make sure to keep it a secret, okay?” Aimsey promised. “And if it does get out somehow, we’ll deal with that too.”

It sure as hell shouldn’t. He trusted Aimsey. They were just like a sibling to him, although they haven’t talked in months. They weren’t as close as Tommy was, but they were pretty close before Ranboo left.

“Thanks, Aimsey.” Tubbo was grateful. “You’re a good friend.”

“You’re welcome, Tubbo.” 

~~~~

“Oh, it’s nice.” Sapnap responded. “Quackity got a job with Mr. Beast and moved to North Carolina.” 

“Yeah, his challenges have been a lot more chaotic since he joined.” George added. 

“I take that as a compliment.” Quackity laughed. 

Tubbo looked down at his enderman and tightly held it. He did get crumbs on it, but the enderman still comforted him. Even though he got weird looks sometimes, he really didn’t care much. Little Boo was a reminder of someone he lost long ago, and he would never let that go. 

“Hey, I love your enderman.” Karl noticed curiously. 

“Thanks.” Tubbo blushed. “I carry him everywhere. He gives me comfort.”

“Yeah, I have a small frog keychain I carry around with me so I see what you mean.” Karl smiled. “I hardly go anywhere without it.”

It kind of comforted him to know that.

“Tubbo, can we talk?” Dream pulled Tubbo aside. “Just us? Alone?”

“Sure, Dream.” 

The duo walked outside, into a remote part where no one else would overhear them or spot them out as “famous”. Dream had just face revealed in the past year so his face was out there and Tubbo was pretty well known in Brighton.  

Dream sighed before he started. “Tubbo, I want to make a promise with you.”

“Is this about my attem-” Tubbo was silenced by a hug. 

“Yeah.” Dream silenced him, stroking his hair. “Just don’t do it again. We all love you and we would be crushed if something happened to you. Besides, you’re friends with the Blade so you kinda can’t die.” 

Somehow, that made him grin. He sure as hell wouldn't do that again. He had so much to live for. Both Dream and Techno were part of that. 

“I want to make your life worth living.” Dream promised. “I know I won’t be in England as much as George will be, but if you ever want to talk to any of us, we’re just a Discord call away.”  

“I promise I will.” Tubbo hugged tighter.

~~~~

“You know what, I want to go to the beach.” 

“You do?” Tommy looked up from his sandwich.

“My therapist told me water’s very good for my legs.” Tubbo looked down, lightly kicking his legs. “It would be nice to get out and about.”

“There’s a beach in Brighton.” Tommy suggested. “We can go there.”

Tubbo sighed. He went to the beach with Ranboo that one time. 

The more he thought about Ranboo, the less he thought about the negativity around him. He thought of the good memories he had with him. Maybe wherever he was, he was happier now. 

“You know, a U.S. president did that a lot.” Tommy chatted. “I think Kristin mentioned something about Warm Springs or something.” 

“What do you know about American presidents?” Tubbo teased. “You’ve been hanging out with Kristin too much.” 

“Yup.” His face beamed. “Yes I have.”

Chapter Text

“Oh, look at this quartz!” Tubbo gawked. “It’s so beautiful.”

“Tubbo, that’s much too big to take home.” Tommy chuckled.

“I know, but just look at it.” Tubbo kept staring in awe. “It’s so shiny.” 

The rest of the store wasn’t really interesting to Tommy. All of it was overpriced gems and jewels that hardly amused him. Between all the geodes and amethyst crystals growing out of the earth, Tommy was just about to leave. Maybe there was another interesting store on the pier. 

That was before something caught his eye.

It was a clear crystal, cheap in quality. It didn't cost much - only about three pounds. It was cheap, but vague memories flashed in his mind. Wasn’t this the same crystal Ranboo bought at one point?

“You thinking about getting that?” Tubbo asked as Tommy was jolted out of his reverie, pointing to the crystal necklace.

“Yeah, I was.” Tommy sighed. “It just…reminds me of someone I used to know.”

“Who?” Tubbo teased. “One of your many girlfriends?”

“No, just an old friend of mine.” Tommy replied in a somber tone.

“ME?” Tubbo said excitedly.

“Sure.” He grinned sarcastically. “It’s you.”

~~~~

“It’s getting dark.” Phil started, noticing the sky turning a dark purple. “Should we go back?”

“Yeah, we should.” Kristin agreed.

“But Philllllll…” 

“We need to take Tubbo back home.” Techno agreed. “We promised to take him back home before-”

“You guys wanna one more play a game of frisbee before we go back?” Wilbur distracted them. 

“Hell yeah!” Tommy and Tubbo both cheered. 

“Wilbur, I-”

“Go get it!” Wilbur tossed the frisbee. 

“Wilbur…” Phil groaned. 

Meanwhile, the quartet was nearing the car as they heard Tommy and Tubbo argue in a friendly way after Tommy tackled Tubbo to the stony ground. 

“Its mine, fucker.” 

“I caught it first, Tommy.”

“Guys, fucking stop it.” Phil shouted. “We need to go back.” 

Tommy looked over to Tubbo, who escaped his prison beneath Tommy and looked back at the waves with a sort of sadness about him. Tommy was more than familiar with this. He always seemed to stare off into space and think about things. Maybe Ranboo was on his mind?

“Okay, just a moment.” Tommy shouted back, turning over to Tubbo.

“Alright, I’ll give you a few minutes.” Phil shouted. “Just come back to the car when you’re done.” 

“Okay, we’ll be back soon.” Tommy turned to Tubbo. “Tubbo, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m alright.” He sighed happily. “I’m just thinking about someone.”

“Yeah, I feel the same way.” Tommy held the crystal in his pocket. “But people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes, they leave for a reason, too. Maybe we haven’t found that reason yet, but we will soon.” 

“It doesn't hurt any less, but I think I found the reason.” Tubbo replied, sighing. 

“What is it?” Tommy asked.

“You, silly.” Tubbo stuck his tongue out playfully. “If it wasn’t for everything that happened, I wouldn’t have gotten closer to you.”

Tommy’s heart swelled with joy as he stood up, offering a hand for Tubbo as he accepted it. Using his cane on the rocks as next to impossible, but good thing he was able to move fairly well without it. 

“Now come on.” Tommy lightly nudged him. “Let’s go back. Your family’s waiting on you.” 

~~~~

“Look at all those seagulls.” Tubbo happily spoke, pointing to the birds around them.

Ranboo gave a distinctly homosexual response. “That’s a lot of cock.”

“But I love cock.” Tommy responded, making everyone laugh before Tommy noticed a seagull stealing his food. 

“HEY!” Tommy shouted. “HE STOLE MY CHIPS!”

“A cock stole your chips.” Ranboo teased, making everyone chuckle as Tubbo looked out into the ocean. 

He normally did that to think about things. For example, what if they didn’t love being around him anymore? What if they all abandoned him, then what would he do? Without any streaming friends, he couldn’t keep streaming. Maybe being someone who worked and lived by the ocean would have been a good dream job for him. Maybe being on a boat or something?

“Hello?” Ranboo waved a hand in front of his face. “Earth to Tubbo.” 

“Hey there, Ranboo.” Tubbo looked back, not even realizing how much time had passed. 

Tubbo looked down at his plate, half eaten by the large fucking seagull right next to him. Tommy was gone, chasing down the seagull that ate his chips. 

“What are you thinking about?” Ranboo asked curiously. 

“I don’t know what would happen if I were to lose you.” Tubbo looked Ranboo. “Both of you.” 

“Oh, Tubbo.” Ranboo looked down at him. “I’ll never leave you behind. We’ll be friends forever. I promise once I get back to America I’ll text you and make plans to meet you again.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Ranboo promised before he pointed to Tommy. “And you know that he won’t leave you.”

Somehow, that made Tubbo chuckle. 

Chapter Text

"What's your name?" The woman pointed out, looking down on the form. "You forgot to put it down."

"Ran-Mercury." Ranboo corrected himself. "Yeah, it's Mercury."

"That's an interesting name." The woman complimented, writing his name down on a sheet of paper. 

"Yeah, my coworkers gave it to me." Ranboo smiled.

"Cool, where do you work?" The woman responded as they started down the hallway where all the cats were.

"Sam's Tattoo Parlor over on Blue Jay Road." Ranboo directed excitedly. "Next to Lenore's Bookstore on Michael Way. you should go check it out one day." 

Ranboo looked over at all the cats on the walls, but one of them caught his eye. 

"What's her name?" Ranboo asked, pointing to a ginger tabby kitten with bright green eyes. 

"She doesn't have one." The woman explained. "She came in from a hoarding situation and her litter just came out of quarantine. We think she might have been the runt of her litter because of how small she was.” 

“I’ll take her.” Ranboo grinned.

~~~~

There were tons of names Ranboo could have called the cat. 

Ginger or Clementine after her orange fur. Linda, after the woman at the bookstore who came in with her husband Sven. Sam, after the parlor he worked at, named for R.B.’s deceased wife. Maybe even after one of his other friends he had during his streaming days. 

Instead, she was given the name Rocky, after Tubbo's cat. 

Some part of him still longed for Tubbo. Sure, he was miles away, but he would move on. It’d been a while since his final stream, so they already forgot about him. He’d only been gone for about a year, but that amount of time had changed him so much. 

If they ever crossed paths again, they both would have so many questions to ask each other. Most importantly, why he left in the first place. Ranboo didn’t even want to think about that. They probably wouldn't even notice him. They would see him as just another disabled person with tattoos but nothing else. 

But at least he had Rocky to keep him company whenever his thoughts spun out of control. Every day, Ranboo would feed Rocky before he left for work and then play with her as soon as his shift was over. Rocky was therapeutic in some ways and Ranboo needed that.

But that still didn’t stop him from missing his old friends. 

Chapter Text

Almost a year had passed since Tubbo’s attempt.

In that year, so much has happened. His legs had finally healed up and it didn’t feel like he was walking on hot coals everytime he moved around. His attempt was kept secret from his fans, something he was very pleased with. Oreo had finally been adopted by his family and the extension had finally been finished so Tommy could fully move in with him. 

Tommy proposed they go around Brighton together to get one last day of play before it got too cold, but in reality, it was a distraction. If Tubbo was distracted from the day he attempted, maybe he wouldn’t feel so bad. It was a few days before that date, but Tommy just wanted to make sure he was happy and healthy. 

That is, if Tommy wasn’t so fucking stupid.

“Tommy, I don’t think that’s a smart idea.” Tubbo reasoned. “What if you get hurt?” 

But Tommy didn’t listen. Instead, he was already climbing up the ladder onto the tin roof of the old house. The house wasn’t abandoned, but it was for sale so nobody was inside. Why the ladder was there was nobody’s guess, but Tommy shouldn’t have been up there.

“Oh, please, I’m not going to get hurt.” Tommy teased, stomping on it.

“Tommy, please come down.” Tubbo remained adamant.

“SUBSCRIBE TO-” Tommy started to scream before he fell onto his back and slipped off the wet roof. “AHHHHHHHHH-”

“TOMMY!” 

CRUNCH!

~~~~

Nobody wanted to be in the hospital, especially Tubbo.

Tubbo watched in the background as people walked about but his mind focused on something else. Did Tommy feel the same way when he attempted? Like without all the funny business? Was this karma for what he did to him? Tommy falling from the roof, powerless to stop him, only to hear him crash into the bushes with a busted leg?

“Any of you want something to drink?” Phil asked groggily. 

“Nah, I’m good.” Tubbo looked away.

“What’s wrong, mate?” Phil asked, noticing his behavior. “You still upset?” 

Tubbo didn’t respond.

“I get it.”  Phil said, a chuckle in his voice. “Tommy’s a loose cannon. You can’t stop him.”

“Did you guys…” Tubbo stopped himself. They didn’t need to hear what he said.

“Did we what?” Techno spoke up, picking up Tubbo’s voice. 

“Did you…” Tubbo hesitantly continued. “...Feel the same way when I attempted? Like, I know it’s not the same, but…I don’t know… It feels like I deserve it.”

The entire group went silent.

“Tubbo…” He heard Kristin sigh through the deafening silence. “What happened to Tommy had nothing to do with your attempt. You were in a rough spot. I don’t blame you for what happened.”

“But I meant to do that.” Tubbo looked away. “I… wanted to die. I wanted it all to stop ”

“You weren’t thinking correctly.” Techno explained. “That’s what mental illness does to you, Tubbo. It's hard, I know but you’re not the only one here. There’s a large majority of people who suffer from mental illness. You’re not alone.” 

“And besides, even if it happened again, we would be there for you time and time again.” Wilbur replied. “I'm just glad you can talk to us about it now instead of bottling it up inside.” 

With all that love around him, Tubbo smiled. “Thank you, guys.”

“No problem, mate.” Phil tightly hugged him before everyone joined in. 

~~~~

When they finally let them see Tommy, Tubbo pushed through everyone else to see him. 

Tubbo could see the scene before him was slightly familiar but from a different angle. Tommy’s injured leg was wrapped in a dense cast. He didn't have surgery like Tubbo did, which was a relief. From what they heard, his leg was broken. A clean break, too. As long as he did what the doctor told him, he would be alright. Keep weight off of it, ice it regularly, and elevate it. All the fun jazz. 

“Oh, Tommy…” That’s all Tubbo could say. 

“Hi there, Tobes.” Tommy threw up a sloppy peace sign. 

“How are you feeling, Toms?” Wilbur whispered softly, taking a seat right next to him.

“A little sore, but other than that, alright.” He responded. “I’m fucking hungry.” 

“Oh, we could swing by Rudy’s on the way home.” Techno perked up. “They have the best milkshakes in town.” 

“That could work.” Phil replied. “How do you feel about that, Toms?” 

“Fine.” Tommy said apathetically. “When can I leave?” 

“Kristin’s signing the discharge papers, then we can go.” Phil informed him. “Doctor said you’ll have to use crutches for a while.” 

“Fine by me.” Tommy turned to the man at his side. “Wilbur?”

“Yes?”

“Can you get the camera or something?” 

“Why?” Wilbur chuckled. “You want to vlog in the hospital?” 

“Yeah, I need to update my viewers.” Tommy was adamant. "Do a Twitter video or something lol."

"Did you just say lol out loud?" Wilbur looked at him, confused.

"Yes.” Tommy looked at him sarcastically. “Shut up." 

A chuckle escaped Tubbo, getting out his phone to record him. 

~~~~

Tommy was lying on the couch, sleeping peacefully in a drug-laced sleep.

He held Friend in his hands, a blue weighted sheep Wilbur gave to him right before he got his wisdom teeth removed a couple of months ago. Carl, a horse Techno got him, rested on his neck. Flora, a fox Fundy gave to him in Amsterdam, rested by his feet.

Tubbo looked over at his crutches, bland and dull. Tubbo had some stickers left over. Maybe he would like those to make it look less dull. 

He got out a pack of stickers from his bag. It was a sticker pack with cheesy “get well soon” sayings and puns. “Wishing you a speedy recovery!” with a cheetah. “Keep on smiling!” with an alligator. “Keep hanging on!” with a monkey.

Tubbo once again smiled, peeling the stickers and placing them on Tommy’s crutches. It would be a nice surprise to wake up to. His crutches were covered in encouraging stickers as he healed. 

While Tubbo did this, he thought. He thought about everyone. 

Tommy, how he swooped in and saved his life no matter how much shit he put him through afterward. Wilbur always had a joke and an awkward smile on his face. Phil and Kristin looked after him as if he was their own son. Techno, who wasn’t used to the culture of Britain, tried to fit in while being there for Tubbo as much as he could. Everyone in the hospital and the psych ward who took care of him. His family, who loved him very much. Oreo for being herself and bringing him comfort. 

If he died, things would be so much different. 

Everyone in his family would be heartbroken. Everyone in his circle of friends would be depressed. His fans would be crushed to hear the news. Hell, Tommy would feel so guilty for being the last person Tubbo talked to. 

But as it turns out, Tubbo wasn’t the only one to fall so hard. Ranboo hurt Tommy just as much as he hurt Tubbo. But still, he didn’t blame him. Ranboo had his own problems and Tubbo didn’t blame him for leaving. If only he knew he was alright.

If Tubbo was falling without Tommy, he would still be falling apart. He just needed someone to stitch him back together. If it wasn’t for the blonde sleeping on the couch, he wouldn’t be there today. 

He had so much to thank him for.