Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cas woke with a start. He could have sworn he heard someone say his name, Castiel, but that was impossible. No one had called him Castiel in at least four years. Most of the people at Camp Chitaqua didn’t even know that was his real name. He must have had another nightmare. The further from angelic that he became, the more often the nightmares happened. 

As he became fully awake, he slid out of his bed, his cot really, and grabbed his dirty, wrinkled, pants. Pulling them onto his naked torso and cinching the drawstring as tightly as it would go around the bit of flab he was developing, he took a swig out of the bottle next to his bed before barefootedly padding out of his cabin into the pitch-black night. His head was still spinning a little from the mix of pills he had taken before falling asleep and he hoped he didn’t come across anyone who wanted to talk.

He nodded to the armed men he passed as he walked around the compound. It wasn’t much of a compound OR a campground anymore. It wasn’t much of anything. But it housed what was left of the survivors, twenty, maybe twenty-five of them, and he had come to consider it home.

No one bothered him as he stumbled around in the dark. They knew he had permission to go wherever he wanted, even the restricted cabin. The doped-up, aloof, scruffy former angel was the leader’s favorite. Really the only one the boss could stand except maybe for Chuck. So Cas got to go wherever he pleased. Even if that was skulking around the camp in the middle of the night when everyone else was supposed to be in their cabins.

Cas enjoyed the status of being their leader’s favorite, although he wasn’t really the ‘leader’ to Cas, he was just Dean. There were others in the camp that were better fighters, especially since Cas lost most of his powers, but none who Dean trusted as much. And Cas took advantage of that fact at every opportunity.

He stumbled his way into Dean’s cabin, just in time to be greeted by a half-dressed, dark-haired woman who looked like she was about to set fire to the place. 

“He’s all yours, Cas! The cheating asshole!” She pushed Cas aside, causing him to bounce off the table that was in the middle of the room. He landed on his ass, right at Dean’s feet.

“Charming the new recruits again I see, Dean.” Cas smiled. Dean was notorious with the grievously few women in the camp. Most of them knew to stay away, while others enjoyed their time with him, even if they knew he spent time with many of them. But lately it seemed whenever a new woman joined their dwindling numbers, Dean alienated them almost immediately. He didn’t keep his proclivities a secret and Cas observed that the younger the woman the less likely they took kindly to Dean’s philandering. 

“It’s a gift, Cas. A goddamn gift,” Cas accepted Dean’s extended hand and let Dean pull him into a hug. “Where you been, babe?” 

Dean’s face softened as he gazed into the fallen angel’s eyes and the two kissed. A soft, gentle, quick kiss, but one that left Cas blushing just the same. Dean had a way with the ladies, but when it came to men he only had eyes for Cas.

Cas looked at the floor. “I passed out.”

Dean’s laugh shook his entire body, “Oh yeah! Orgy night! How’d it go?” Dean was still holding Cas’ hand and he pulled him to the broken-down couch that was placed right next to the table Cas had been slammed into. Cas went to sit down and Dean tugged at him until he was sitting on the hunter’s lap. He didn’t wait for a response, cupping Cas’ cheek with one hand while he ran his other hand through Cas’ thick, dark, hair. Cas used to host weekly orgies with the willing women in the camp. But the closer he and Dean got, the less interest he had in the women, so he finally just stopped them.  He never got around to telling Dean.

“You have sex hair,” Dean smiled and Cas blushed again. Dean’s interpretation of sex hair was just what Cas’ hair looked like at most times but he let Dean have his fun even when it caused him embarrassment, an emotion he still wasn’t remotely comfortable experiencing.

“I don’t suppose you have a joint?” Cas’ head was clearing up and that was a state he didn’t enjoy being in for all that long. 

Dean sighed. “Nope. But there’s a bottle of pills over there,” he motioned to the table, “that Lydia brought with her.” Lydia was the woman who had left in a huff. “I have no idea what they are but they’re yours if you want ‘em. Or you can grab the bottle of whiskey over there.” Dean didn’t have much use for pills or pot but, next to Cas, alcohol was still his oldest and dearest friend.

Cas got up, grabbed both the whiskey and the bottle of pills, and without reading what they were, used the hooch to down three of the pills. Sitting back on Dean’s lap, he took his face with both his hands and started kissing him again. 

Dean purred, “Let’s just stay here and hope the world works itself out without us, huh, Cas?” 

Cas pushed Dean on his back and straddled his waist, Dean was only in a pair of boxer shorts and Cas wasted no time peeling them off his friend.

“Whatever you say, fearless leader,” Cas teased. Cas used his tongue to trace a line down Dean’s belly until he reached his goal. Slowly pulling his lover’s dick into his mouth, he was a little surprised that Dean wasn’t yet hard. Letting Dean’s cock slide out of his mouth, he leaned up toward him and kissed him quickly on the lips. 

“Are you all right?”

“For Christ’s sake, Cas, I’m fine.” Dean playfully bit at Cas’ bottom lip. “So let’s get to fucking.”

As hot as Dean being vulgar made him, Cas ignored it, “You just seem,” Cas looked down between Dean’s legs, “distracted.”

Dean gently pushed Cas off of him so Cas ended up sitting on his lap. 

“You aren’t subtle, Cas, I’ll give you that.”

“A half-naked woman just left and I’m throwing myself at you and Dean Junior hasn’t moved a muscle,” Cas raised his eyebrows. “You aren’t subtle either.”

Dean leaned into Cas, putting his head on the angel’s shoulder. “It’s been a long day. Hell, it’s been a long…”

“...year,” Cas finished his sentence.

“I was gonna say week, but, yeah, year works too.” Dean threw his arms up, exasperated. “There’s so much to fucking do, Cas, and everyone wants ME to do it! Everyone thinks I know what the hell we should do next. When did I become a leader, Cas? When?”

Cas stroked Dean’s cheek and smiled, “You’ve always been a leader, Dean. You just never had as many opportunities to show it as you do now.”

“Great. It took a goddamn plague to get people to start listening to me.” 

There wasn’t a soul in camp who would even dream that Dean Winchester was full of such self-doubt. Dean was a great actor, but when Cas was around, he didn’t have to pretend.

“I fucking hate this, Cas.”

“I know, Dean. I know you do. I wish I knew what to tell you. We’re stuck, you and me. Unless you really want to get out of here and leave all these people behind, we are stuck right here.”

Cas pulled Dean to him and held him against his chest. He could feel his breath become more shallow with each moment they stayed there until he realized Dean had fallen asleep on him.

There was a time when Dean Winchester would have walked in front of a bus before letting himself be with Cas this way. Cas knew that. He knew that every minute he got to spend with Dean that didn’t involve guns or planning to kill something was a gift and he was grateful. But it worried him that Dean was slowly becoming more and more despondent about their plight. Dean was the one who was going to save them from this plague and lead them in the quest to defeat Lucifer. Cas knew that too. But he needed help. CAS’ help. Dean swore Cas was the only one he wanted by his side and the pressure was too much for Cas to live up to.

Cas gently lay Dean on the couch, leaned over picking up the whiskey bottle and the pills off the floor. He used almost half the bottle to wash down another handful of pills. Then he fell back onto the couch, snuggling next to his sleeping lover. As he wrapped his arms around him, Cas wondered if he was the one Dean really needed. Maybe there was someone better out there who could help Dean with the enormous responsibility he had undertaken?

Dean turned his face so he was nuzzled into Cas’ neck and murmured, “Might have to take a raincheck on the fucking, babe. I’m wiped.” 

Cas pulled him even closer, kissed his forehead, and snuggled in for what was left of the night. “Okay, Dean, whatever you say.”

Chapter Text

Cas woke up before Dean and poured himself a glass of whiskey. He watched Dean sleep while he made a pot of coffee. Dean always required a lot of coffee to start the day, and he sat on a box across from the couch, sipping his drink, waiting for the hunter to wake up.

Dean rolled over and faced Cas, opening his eyes, and forcing a smile. “Mornin’ Sunshine,” he grunted. Cas immediately filled his outstretched hand with a mug of black coffee and Dean wasted no time getting to it.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean slowly sat up, his lips not leaving the lip of the cup.

“So what’s on the agenda today, fearless leader?” 

Dean rolled his eyes at the ribbing and Cas laughed. He moved over to the couch and sat next to Dean, laying his head on the cranky man’s shoulder. “How ‘bout we take a day off?” 

Dean furrowed his brow as he stared over his cup at the angel and growled, “You know better than that.”

Castiel shrugged, “It was worth a shot.” Castiel stretched out behind Dean on the couch. “So then what’s going on?”

Dean moved on the couch, so the men were lying side by side, crushing Cas a little into the back of the couch. Cas laughed and pulled Dean toward him, leaning in for a kiss that Dean pulled away from.

“Dean? What’s going on?”

“Today’s the day, Cas. We have the Colt. We have intel on where Sam is,” Dean visibly cringed as he said his brother’s name, “so there’s no point in waiting any longer.”

Cas snuggled into Dean and kissed his cheek. “And you’re okay with this?”

“It was my decision, wasn’t it?” Dean looked around. “Did you drink all my whiskey?”

Castiel jumped up and got the bottle, bringing it to Dean but not before taking a long swig out of it. “I have a few more stashed. Enjoy.”

Dean finished his coffee and then filled the cup with whiskey. “I’m starting to understand your penchant for always being stoned.” Cas smiled.

“Stay numb, feel nothing.” Cas took back the bottle and emptied it. “I’ll go get another bottle.”

Dean reached out and grabbed Cas’ hand. “Don’t.”

Cas sat back down next to Dean and put his head back on his shoulder. “Okay, I won’t. What CAN I do for you, Dean?”

“I need a group put together. Five of us should be good enough for this mission. Gather a team for me and we’ll meet in the dining hall in an hour.”

“So I’ll grab three other people.” Cas stood up and Dean grabbed his hand again.

“Four, Cas. You aren’t going.”

“The hell I’m not.” Cas didn’t yell but gave Dean his sternest glance which only served to make Dean smile. Cas hadn’t been able to pull off serious or grim in a very long time. “Dean, I’m serious.”

Still smiling, Dean nodded. “I know you’re serious, Cas, but you still aren’t going. I NEED you to stay here. This is too dangerous for you to come.”

Cas, pulling the bottle of pills he liberated the night before out of his pants pocket, laughed. “All of our missions are dangerous. This isn’t any different.” He threw a few pills in his mouth and looked around for something to wash them down. Swallowing them dry he shook his head. “You need to keep your liquor cabinet better stocked, Dean.”

Dean pulled a bottle from under the couch and threw it to Cas, “Did you really think I didn’t have a backup?” The angel gleefully opened the bottle and started in on it. 

“Cas, this IS different. It’s Sammy. It’s LUCIFER.”

“You don’t think you can trust me.” It wasn’t a question.

“You’re the only one I DO trust, Cas. You know that.” Dean stood up so the men were nose to nose. “But you’re the only one I love too. I’m not gonna watch you die at the hands of my brother.” He grabbed the bottle out of Cas’ hands and took a quick swig. 

Cas wasn’t having it. “So I’m going to sit here waiting for YOU to die at the hands of your brother? No.”

“‘No?’ You don’t get a say here, Cas. ‘No’ is not an option for you.”

Cas rolled his eyes. He’d much rather spend the day getting stoned and waiting for Dean to have time to make out than go on a mission, but this time WAS different. Cas wasn’t convinced Dean could do this without him. And up until a few minutes ago, he thought Dean felt the same way.

“I thought we were in this together, Dean? You said you NEEDED me to beat Lucifer.”

Dean stared longingly at Cas. As if he’d rather throw him down on the couch and spend the rest of the day there with him. Cas recognized that look. He hoped Dean gave into it.

“Cas,” Dean began gravely, “What I need is something…someONE to come back to.” Cas tilted his head as only Cas could, indicating he didn’t understand what Dean was saying at all. Dean sighed.

“If you go on this mission with me and something happens to you, that’s it. Game over. I’ll walk right up to Lucifer and tell him to take me. I ain’t doing this,” Dean motioned all around the room, “without you.”

Cas leaned in to kiss Dean but the hunter put his hand up on Cas’ chest and held him back. “I’m not done. You know about the girls. The WOMEN.” Cas nodded, unsure where Dean was going with this. “You know they don’t mean anything, right? It’s stress release at this point. It’s a way to pretend I’m having a little fun during a freaking apocalypse.”

“Dean, I’m not intimidated by your dalliances with the ladies in camp. I have them myself.”

Dean shook his head. “You USED to. I know you stopped orgy night, Cas. I just didn’t want to make it a thing.”

Someday Cas would stop underestimating his friend.

“You stopped because you love me. And I love you, Cas. We got that part down.” Cas smiled as Dean went on. “If you aren’t here, in camp, waiting for me with your goofy smile and bare feet, why would I bother coming back? You staying here? Not going on this mission? It’ll be the reason I don’t fail. Because I know I’m coming home to YOU.”

Still smiling, Cas shook his head. “Man, I wish I had a tape recorder so I could play that over and over.”

“Shut up.” Dean turned away.

“Dean, if you really think it’s best for me to stay here, I’ll stay. I’ll hate it, but I’ll do it.” Cas took Dean’s hand and pulled him to his body, forcing a hug on him that it took a few moments for Dean to reciprocate.

“I’m probably gonna lose Sammy today, Cas. For good. I can’t lose you too.”

Cas rocked Dean as they hugged. “I know, babe, I know.” Cas broke the hug and looked directly into Dean’s eyes. “But Dean…you aren’t strong enough alone. You just aren’t. Hell, maybe I’m not strong enough either but I’ve been preserving my energy…”

Dean laughed, “Is that what you call what you’ve been doing?”

Cas went on, “PRESERVING my energy in the hopes that my mojo will be enough to help you on this mission when it was finally time.”

“I didn’t know you could do that.” Dean was intrigued.

“Well, I’m not sure I can. I haven’t tested it out yet. But I feel stronger than I have in a while. So maybe there’s something to it?”

Dean took another drink while contemplating this. Cas was pretty sure he had won him over.

“With my strength, your talent, and the Colt, maybe we could actually pull this off, Dean?”

“And what if we can’t, Cas?”

Cas took the bottle away from Dean and finished it off. “Well, fearless leader, if we can’t, then we’re fucked.”

Dean raised both eyebrows and pulled Cas in for a kiss. “In THAT case…” Dean kept pulling on Cas until they reached the couch and then he pulled Cas on top of him. “…we can’t go get fucked until we actually get to some fucking.”

Cas melted into Dean’s arms, enjoying the moment but also wondering if there wasn’t a better way they could face whatever was coming next.

Chapter Text

Cas could tell by the way he was fidgeting that Chuck wanted to say something but was doing his best to hold it in.  There were six of them in the dining hall. Cas and Chuck, and of course Dean, and then three people Cas thought Dean at least moderately trusted.

Chuck’s anxiousness didn’t go unseen by Dean either. “You got something you wanna say, Chuck?”

Aside from Cas, Chuck was literally the only other person in camp who dared ever say anything in opposition to Dean. And even then, he didn’t do it often because as much as he had Dean’s trust, he was still a bit frightened by the angry hunter.

Chuck stammered and looked to Cas for reassurance that he should speak. With a nod from Cas, he blurted it out. “This might be your dumbest plan yet…” Dean glared at him. “…sir.” Cas rolled his eyes, as did Dean.

Chuck started rambling. “I mean it, Dean. This is a suicide mission! Let’s say you find Sam, and let’s say he actually DID say ‘yes’ to Lucifer, what then? You just pull out the Colt and kill them both? Have you EVER been able to kill something that easily without there being a whole lot of bloodshed first? No, you haven’t. And you KNOW that I know you haven’t. So then what? Half of us, all of us die? Including you? And CAS? You’re going to let Cas go in there with us to probably die? And you’re going to kill your baby brother? This is just stupid!”

Realizing he said much too much, Chuck got up and walked toward the cabin’s entrance.

“Chuck,” Dean’s voice alerted Chuck to exactly how pissed off he was. “Where are you going?”

“I figured I’d go pack up my stuff and take off,” Chuck didn’t turn to face Dean.

Dean angrily sighed. “You aren’t taking off, Chuck. For Christ’s sake, cut the shit, stop acting like a baby and sit the fuck down.” Chuck returned to the table and sat as far away from Dean as possible.

“I know even under the best circumstances this is a shitty mission, okay? But if we gank Lucifer that’s one less thing we have to goddamn worry about around here. And I’d really like one less thing to goddamn worry about.”

Cas tried to focus on Dean’s monologue, but he kept getting distracted by the two women in their group who seemed to be having a conversation all their own. Risa was one of Dean’s favorites. Tough and smart and, in Dean’s words, “so fucking sexy,” although Cas didn’t really see it. She was one of the few women who wouldn’t mess around with Dean when she found out he messed around with EVERYONE, but she still stuck around because she believed Dean was the man to help them through this apocalypse. She was talking to Lynn, a fairly new member of their group who showed up alone one day so badly beaten they thought she was a Croat. Turned out she was just a fighter who gave as good as she got. She steered clear of Dean’s bed and for that she gained a few points in Cas’ book. Dean trusted both women and considered them two of the toughest people in camp. But the two of them, off to the side with their own private conversation, gave Cas pause.

“We kill Lucifer and we don’t have to worry about anything but the goddamn Croats coming at us. And at least with them we see what’s comin’!” Dean was still going as Cas slowly drifted toward the women.

“Maybe we don’t have to kill him?” Bailey, the third of Cas’ recruits, finally spoke up. Bailey was an intellectual. In another life, he was a college professor in Boston. Somehow he ended up here. Nerdy and quite but smarter than pretty much everyone in the camp, Dean immediately disliked him. It took Cas weeks to convince him that Bailey served an important purpose. And if Cas vouched for you, you were eventually ‘in’ with Dean.

Dean angrily interrupted Bailey, “Are you out of your friggin’ mind? Of COURSE we have to kill him! What the hell else would we do with him?”

Bailey shrugged. “Recruit him? He’s Lucifer. We get him on our side maybe we can get the angels back to put an end to all this?”

Cas had been trying to contact the angels for years. None of them cared. None of them listened. Dean knew this. Everyone knew this. He shook his head at Bailey’s naivete as he made his way next to Risa and Lynn.

“Ladies.” Cas lifted his eyebrow. A move Dean had repeatedly assured him was “hot.”

Dean wasn’t having any of it. Pointing to Bailey he barked “You! Out! Now!” Bailey was stunned. Dean turned to Cas, “And YOU. Stop flirting! We need to get ready to leave!”

“Wait. What do you mean?” Bailey stood up and approached Dean. “I’m not going?”

“No, you aren’t going! How can I have someone on the mission who doesn’t believe in it?” Dean was beside himself. “Jesus Christ, Bailey. Just fucking go. I’ll deal with you when I get back.”

Bailey turned to leave then turned back sharply, “You mean IF you get back.” And with that he walked out. Dean's hot-headedness had caused them the loss of more than one good person. Cas was guessing they might have seen the last of Bailey.

“Smooth, Dean. Smooth.” Cas was smiling. “Guess that means I AM going on this mission, huh?”

Somewhat defeatedly, Dean slumped into the nearest chair. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

Chuck was confused, “Wait, I’M going on this mission? I thought I was just here to, I don’t know, document the meeting.”

Dean rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. “Chuck, this is a five-man job…”

Risa interrupted, “Oh HERE we go.”

Cas smiled, “I’m sure that isn’t what he meant, Risa.”

“Listen, I’m all for this mission. I want that fucker dead as much as anyone. So, let’s stop talking and just go do it. We all know what we’re supposed to do.” Risa stood up, determined to get moving.

Lynn stood up next to her, “Yeah, let’s go.”

Dean and Cas exchanged glances and Cas shrugged. “Your call, Dean.”

Cas could see Chuck still wasn’t comfortable. “Maybe we could do this with four people?” Cas liked the little writer and wanted to help him out if he could. He certainly wasn’t a fighter and Cas would feel terrible if something happened to him.

“If you want to ENSURE that everyone dies, yeah you could do it with four people,” Chuck sighed and looked straight at Dean. “You know that I’m in, Dean.” Dean solemnly nodded to Chuck.

“Everyone go get packed and ready. We leave in an hour.” Dean stretched his body and groaned.

The woman practically ran out of the cabin and Cas felt compelled to follow them. Turning to Dean, he began to formulate a lie but then decided honesty was probably the safest way to go. “Something’s up with those two. I’m going to go check it out.”

“Just check it out with your pants on,” Dean wearily teased. Cas saluted him as he left Chuck and Dean alone in the cabin.

Dean covered his face with his hands and groaned again.

“You all right, Dean?” Chuck approached him, still cautious of his friend’s temper.

“Jesus, Chuck, I’m fine. Just so fucking tired, man, you know?” Chuck nodded. “And if you get yourself killed today, I’ll kill you. I mean it.” Chuck laughed.

“I knew you liked me.”

“Shut up.” Dean nodded to the cabin door. “What do you think that’s all about?”

“Cas?” Dean nodded again. “I don’t know. He does have kind of a sixth sense about things, Dean.”

“That was before…” Dean stopped. He didn’t like thinking about the days before the virus took over. When Cas was a powerful angel of the Lord. He didn’t like to think about how far Cas...how far they all had fallen in such a short amount of time.

“Dean. You and Cas, you’re the only ones in this whole place who truly give a damn about what’s going on. Even if Cas acts like he doesn’t.”

“I don’t know how much of that is an act anymore, Chuck.”

Chuck laughed. It was true. Cas went from being a true badass to a hippie softie fairly quickly. It would be impressive if it wasn’t so sad. “Okay, so he cares because YOU care. That’s good enough for what has to be done. But, Dean, I was being serious before. I’m worried about what will happen if…when…shit, I don’t know, WHEN you see Sam. It’s been years. You have all these memories and…” Chuck rolled his eyes, “FEELINGS that are unresolved. Do you really think you can take that shot if you have to?”

Dean sat up, angry, tired, he was just done. “Do you really think I CAN’T?” Dean barked and then glared at Chuck and Chuck knew he had overstepped…again. But he also knew he had to finish his thought.

“I HOPE you can, my friend. Because if you CAN’T we ALL end up paying the price.”

Chapter Text

Cas stood in Dean’s doorway, watching him pat himself down, making sure there was a weapon on every part of his body that could hold one.  As Dean finished off his outfit by throwing on a beat-up, extremely well-worn leather jacket over his jeans and flannel Henley, Cas couldn’t help but smile.

“There’s the Dean Winchester I gripped tight and raised from perdition!” Dean rolled his eyes, placing the Colt in the inside pocket of the jacket. “I haven’t seen that relic in years!”

“The jacket or the gun?” Dean winked. “Thought I’d bring it out of mothballs for good luck.”

Cas checked Dean out head to toe, silently hoping they had time for another roll before they went to their certain death.

“Let’s have a drink, huh?” Dean offered the bottle of whiskey that had surprisingly appeared in his hand.

Taking the bottle, and a huge swig, Cas smiled. “Where were you hiding THAT?”

Dean laughed. It was a fake laugh, meant to placate Cas, and Cas knew it. “I still have some secrets from you, babe.”

Cas reached for Dean’s hand and Dean allowed him to lead him to the couch. As they both sat, Cas pulled Dean to him and Dean let go, resting his head on the angel’s shoulder.

“Dean…you don’t have to do this you know. We can wait.” He kissed the top of Dean’s head. “There are a lot of other things, things that are much more fun, that we could be doing today.”

Dean softly chuckled, letting the angel hug him and continue to kiss his head. “I know. But, who knows how long Sam will be there, Cas? I have to get to him before he’s gone again.”

Cas started playing with Dean’s hair, massaging his scalp, and humming a Led Zeppelin song that he couldn’t remember the name of. Dean grudgingly let the angel comfort him and cuddled in closer.

“I’m starting to get worried, though,” Dean continued, “What if Chuck’s right? What if I can’t pull the trigger when I need to?”

“I’ll do it.”

Dean sat up, unsure if he heard what Cas just said but Cas pulled him back down and went back to rubbing his head.

“I mean it, Dean. Give me the Colt. I’ll be the one to do it. I won’t enjoy killing Sam, but it won’t scar me for the rest of my life either. Let me take that burden from you.”

Dean sighed and Cas realized that for the first time in a long time this beautiful man was second-guessing himself.

“No one will judge you if you cancel this mission,” Cas assured him. Dean buried his face in the angel’s chest.

“I’ll judge me, Cas. And I’ll look weak. No one here will follow me again if I bail out because of Sammy.”

Cas began to rock Dean. “That isn’t true. You heard them. Bailey and Chuck don’t want this mission to happen. I’m sure there are others who feel the same.”

“Risa and Lynn don’t. They want to get out there NOW.”

The mention of the women’s names made Cas jump off the couch, almost knocking Dean to the floor. As Dean started to go over, Cas pulled him up and threw him down so he was lying on the couch, with Cas towering over him.

“I almost forgot! I see you getting dressed and my brain goes to mush.”

Dean pointed to the bottle hanging out of the angel’s pocket. “It couldn’t be the gallons of booze and tons of pills turning your brain to mush, huh?”

Cas grabbed the bottle and then straddled his boyfriend. “No,” he took a long draw off the bottle, “It’s you and your gorgeous…EVERYTHING.” They both laughed.

“What did you forget, Cas?”

Cas hit the side of this head with his free hand. “See? You’re too distracting! Lynn and Risa. Risa and Lynn. I followed them earlier!”

Cas was lightly bouncing on Dean. Not in a sexy way but like a toddler excited to tell you about his day.

“And?” Dean took the bottle and tried to finish it, but Cas ripped it away and finished it himself.

“AND they are NOT as gung-ho about this mission as they let on. As a matter of fact, they think you’re moving too fast.” Cas hit his head again. “How did I forget to tell you this?”

“Because you’re drunk and stoned 90 percent of each day, Cas. Jesus, I’m surprised you remember to even put shoes on.” They both looked down at Cas’ feet which were, predictably, bare.

“You know you’re going to need to wear something on your feet for the mission, right Cas?”

Cas smiled.

“My point is, Dean. They weren’t plotting against you. And they’re going to follow you wherever you lead them. But they don’t necessarily actually want to go.”

Dean pushed Cas off him and sat up next to him. “So, no one on the crack team that you put together for me wants to go on the mission they’ve been tasked to go on? Is this what you’re telling me, Castiel?”

At the sound of his real name, Cas shuddered, suddenly remembering the nightmare he had where he heard his name. He shook it off and quickly kissed Dean straight on the mouth.

“Yes, my cranky love, that is exactly what I’m telling you. And if no one wants to go, no one will be upset if you cancel it. Right? Right!”

Dean thought this over. Even high, Dean knew Cas was the best adviser he had. But he still listened to one person over Cas, and that was Dean Winchester.

“How about this? How about I go alone? Everyone in camp gets a free pass. They can stay here and I’ll take the truck and go. We won’t have to worry about anyone getting killed…”

“Except you.” Cas was suddenly very serious. “You can’t possibly think I’d let you go see Sam, Lucifer…whoever the hell that is…alone Dean.”

Dean fixed his eyes in the nastiest stare, reminding Cas of the old days when they did a lot more fighting than they did loving.

“I don’t remember asking your permission, Cas.”

Castiel looked at the bottle of whiskey, realized it was empty, and threw it across the room. As it smashed into pieces, he hoped that he was making it clear he was unhappy.

“Well maybe you SHOULD be asking my permission, DEAN.”

Dean didn’t even flinch. The two men stared at each other for what seemed like hours until Dean finally broke into soft laughter, shaking his head. “Jesus, listen to us.”

He leaned over and kissed Cas who took the opportunity to push Dean back onto the couch.

“Dean. Let’s just stay here. We can fuck and drink and do whatever the hell else you want all day. NO ONE WILL CARE. Just stay with me, Dean. Don’t make me beg.”

“I like it when you beg,” Dean practically purred. But then he sat up, pushing Cas away. “But we can’t, Cas. I have to do this. And maybe we drew up the plan wrong? We don’t need five people. We need one…one who can get Sam’s attention and who can kill him when the opportunity arises. I’m that person, Cas.”

Cas pouted. He knew it was practically impossible to change Dean’s mind about anything, but it was especially difficult when it came to anything related to his family.

“At least let me drive you,” Cas relented.

Both men stood up and Dean pulled Cas in for a very long and deep kiss, running the back of his hand across Cas’ cheek as they broke the kiss.

“I can’t do that, Cas.”

“DEAN!”

“CAS!” Dean imitated Cas’ voice and tried to smile but it turned into a soft sob. His eyes glistened with tears that never quite made it down his face.

“I told you before, I need you to be here for me. I need you to be here waiting for me to come back. Otherwise…” Dean trailed off.

“Dean, the other night, I had a dream. About you. Scared me so bad it woke me up. You were being tortured. Flayed. There was blood everywhere and I could barely make out it was you. Except for your voice. I knew it was your voice. Calling out to me. Castiel. You called out my name, Dean. You needed my help.” Cas choked back his own tears.

“Cas, it was a dream, that’s all. It didn’t mean anything.” He wiped away a lone tear streaming down Cas’ face and then straightened himself out, checking to make sure the Colt was still in his pocket. “I’m gonna go find Sam, talk to him, and if I have to, kill him. Now give me a kiss for luck.”

Cas grudgingly leaned in for the kiss and Dean punched him in the face as hard as he possibly could, knocking the angel back onto the couch…and knocking him unconscious.

“I’ll see you in a few hours, babe,” Dean looked down at his lover and said a quick and silent prayer that what he said was true...and then he walked out.

Chapter Text

Cas wasn’t sure how he found the garden, or how he got to it without running into any Croats. All he knew was when he finally woke up, Dean was gone but his voice was in Cas’ head saying Jackson County Sanitarium. And Cas knew that’s where he’d find Dean. Without telling anyone, not even Chuck, he threw on a pair of Dean’s boots, grabbed a couple of guns, and took off in the truck they used for supply runs.

The garden was a patch of beauty surrounded by the burned-out husk of the town around it. The greenery of it was such a stark contrast to its grey, bleak surroundings that it actually hurt Cas’ eyes.

He started to call for Dean and then realized if Lucifer was around that probably wasn’t the best idea. He considered using his powers to locate the hunter but reasoned that he should preserve them in case Dean ended up truly needing his help. Lamenting that he left camp without a bottle of pills or booze, Cas shook his head, trying to get some clarity, and that’s when he heard Dean’s voice again.

“Don’t make me shoot you, Sammy.”

This time, though, Dean’s voice wasn’t in his head, it was about thirty feet away. Cas hid behind a bush just slightly taller than himself and got a view of Dean, holding the Colt in front of him. On the other end of the gun was Sam Winchester. Dressed as Cas always remembered him. Plaid flannel shirt and baggy jeans. For a moment, Cas smiled. It was good to see his old friend. But then he remembered that there was more than a good chance that it wasn’t Sam. Rumors had flown around for years that Sam had finally said ‘yes’ to Lucifer and Cas knew if that was the case, things were about to go bad very quickly.

“Dean,” Sam’s eyes pleaded with his brother, “it’s me. How can I convince you that it’s me?”

The hand holding the Colt wasn’t as steady as it used to be, and Castiel sensed that Dean wasn’t as sure of himself as he played.

“That’s just it, right? You can’t convince me. There’s no way to know if that dick angel is inside you, Sammy. So back off.”

“Then why are you here, Dean? Either you’re going to kill me or you aren’t. If you’re so sure of yourself, Dean, pull the trigger.” Sam put his arms up in surrender. “Do it!”

Dean leveled the Colt and with tears in his eyes began to pull on the trigger.

Unthinking, Castiel ran toward Dean yelling, “Dean, no!”

Both Sam and Dean turned to Castiel, shocked to see the angel there.

When Cas reached Dean, he looked to Sam and was unable to determine if it was Dean’s younger brother or his own older brother. He turned to Dean and put his hand on the hunter’s shoulder.

“Dean. I can’t let you do this. Not without knowing.” He pressed down on Dean’s shoulder, closed his eyes, and before Sam could say anything, both men were gone.

They appeared as quickly as they had disappeared. But Sam wasn’t there and they weren’t in the garden.

Dean was standing alone, still holding the Colt, in the middle of a main street in what looked to Dean like somewhere in the Midwest.

“What. The. Fuck?”

Dean looked around and dodged a couple of Camry’s making it to the sidewalk.

“Cas? CAS?” Dean heard groaning behind a parked minivan and ran to it, seeing a pair of his own boots pushed up against the sidewalk. “CAS!”

Without a thought for the sensibility of it, Dean grabbed Cas by his shoulder and pulled him onto the sidewalk. As Dean tried to hold him up, Cas bent over, moaning, and threw up next to the minivan.

“Jesus, Cas! What happened? Where are we?”

Cas tried to speak but ended up vomiting again. When he was done, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smiled at Dean.

“Not where so much as when my love.”

Shaking his head, Dean seemed pissed. “Oh Jesus Christ, Cas, tell me you did NOT…” he trailed off. He knew what Cas had done.

“It was the only thing I could think of on short notice, Dean.” Cas was wobbly and he leaned against the minivan. “I wasn’t even certain it would work.” He chuckled. “We’re lucky we didn’t end up bloody smears in that garden.”

Dean looked at Cas longer than he had in quite a while, gently slapped his cheek, and then pulled him to his chest. “Jesus, Cas. You could have died.” The two men hugged for a few moments until Dean, sensing they were being watched, broke the hug.

“I didn’t. And more importantly, Dean, YOU didn’t.”

Dean looked around and saw a diner a few doors down from where they were standing. “Holy shit, Cas. REAL food!”

“Yeah, except we don’t have any REAL money, Dean.” Cas rubbed his forehead. Between time traveling and not having had a drink or a pill in a few hours, his head was aching. Dean noticed this and took the angel’s hand.

“I’ll figure out something. Right now we gotta get you sorted out.” The men walked toward the diner. “What year IS it, Cas? You know, in case someone asks?”

“2009,” Cas groaned as they entered the diner. “And we’re in Kansas. Lawrence Kansas.” Dean nodded as if he had figured that part out.

“Okay. So, all we have to do is figure out where 2009 me and Sammy are, and we can get some money.”

Dean stopped. Next to the front door of the diner was a mirror-covered wall. He pulled Cas close to him and they both looked at themselves. Aside from a few more lines in his face, Cas thought Dean looked exactly like he had when they first met. Jeans, thermal shirt, that jacket Cas loved. Cas, on the other hand, was almost unrecognizable to anyone who had met him in 2009. Shaggy hair, scraggly beard. One of Dean’s old flannels and a pair of baggy jeans topped off with Dean’s boots. Cas was definitely not the angel of the Lord of this time.

“Wow,” Dean observed, “we look good!” Dean stole a quick kiss from Cas.

Cas had to laugh. Some days he wondered if Dean felt about him the way he felt about Dean. Today wasn’t one of those days.

Their moment was interrupted by a waitress, “Can I help you two boys?”

Dean put on his best midwestern drawl, gave her his patented Dean Winchester smile, made his green eyes twinkle, and before they left the diner both Dean and Cas had eaten so much they were about to explode, and Doris, the waitress, had given them her brother’s name and address. Apparently he had a small room over his garage that she thought he’d let them stay in at least for the night.

Cas was in awe of how quickly Dean’s charm returned and how easily it was for him to still get what he wanted with it.

Dean and Cas walked down the street together. Doris’ brother, Gregory, only lived a few blocks away. She called ahead and told him the boys would be coming down. Dean seemed excited but Cas was nervous.

“Dean, we need to talk. About THIS.” Cas gestured all around him. “I’m not really sure what the plan is.”

“So you zapped us five years into the past without a plan, Cas?” Dean smiled, “Yeah, that sounds like you.”

“Dean. I wanted to get you out of that situation. I wanted to bring you back to a time before…”

“Before Sammy might be the devil?”

Cas nodded.

“Job well done, then, Cas!” Dean slapped Cas’ back.

“Dean. I’m serious about this. I don’t know what will happen if we stay too long. We need a plan. We need to find Sam.”

Dean considered this. They stopped walking and Dean faced Cas, “I know we do, Cas. But right now, I feel like crap. And I’d like a nap. And a shower. And another nap.”

“You’re taking this much better than I would have expected, Dean.”

Dean shrugged, “2014 hasn’t happened yet, right? No Croatoan virus. No asshat angels abandoning the earth after they helped destroy it. There's a better than good chance that Sammy hasn't said yes to Lucifer. Somewhere RIGHT now, 2009 Sam and Dean are probably ganking some asshole monster while you…” Dean thought about this, “Hey, that’s when you started drinking!”

Dean laughed while Cas shook his head, “That’s the year I lost my faith.” Dean stopped laughing.

“Okay, so here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna find this Gregory guy, take a shower…preferably together…then go to bed for the night…also, preferably together.” Dean winked at Cas and the angel couldn’t help but smile. “You need rest, Cas. This trip kicked your ass. So, we clean up. Maybe we fuck and then we rest. TOMORROW we’ll go looking for Sam...after we hit a liquor store."

Cas tilted his head and sighed, “Sounds like a plan, Dean.”

Chapter Text

Gregory was as good as his sister’s word. He told Dean and Cas they could stay in the room above the garage for as long as they wanted. It was less a room and more a studio apartment. One big room with a bed, a couch, a tv, a kitchenette, and, thankfully, a separate bathroom. Cas was hoping they’d only be staying overnight, but Dean seemed to have different plans. Cas just had no idea what they were.

The waitress’s brother told them that he saved the space for ‘folks who need a place to lay their head’ and refused to take any kind of payment from them…not that they had any payment to give. Dean offered to do yard work, but Gregory refused. Cas sensed the man viewed them as transients in desperate need of charity and given Cas’ current appearance, he understood why. He had a tinge of awareness that Gregory was a Christian and was doing what he thought Jesus would and for a moment Cas remembered how he felt when he was serving the Lord. It made him too sad to think about it, so he let that thought go.

True to his word, Dean insisted they shower together before getting some rest. Cas welcomed the opportunity to be less than angelic.

In the days before the virus, Dean and Cas would never have dared shower together. But things were different now. Back then, when they first realized there was something between them, they would just stare at each other and pretend those feelings weren’t there. It wasn’t until the world was ending that Dean finally gave in one night, predictably while he was drunk, by grabbing Cas’ face and giving him the sloppiest, sexiest kiss, he had ever given anyone. Cas didn’t question it; he fell into that first kiss and into Dean’s arms and never looked back.

They spent that first night in Dean’s bunk, exploring each other’s bodies as if neither had ever seen a man before. In a way, they hadn’t. Neither had ever been with a man, although Dean later admitted to Cas that for years he felt like he was attracted to both men and women. But Dean, being John Winchester’s son, refused to acknowledge those feelings lest he got considered less than manly by society. And in Dean’s case, society was mainly John and Sam Winchester.

Cas often reflected on that first night and now, stepping into the shower where Dean was already soaked and waiting for him, Cas felt the feelings of that night rushing back to him. He stepped into the water and let Dean pull him into a kiss. Even after all the times they had been together, the familiar feel of Dean’s tongue probing his mouth, slowly and sinfully, sent electric pulses through Cas’ body. As they brought their bodies together their cocks met and began to grow with each movement the men made. If he could, Cas would have devoured Dean right there. He took Dean’s cock in his hand and slowly started bringing him to fullness. While Dean moaned, Cas broke their kiss and slid down to his knees, peppering Dean’s torso with gentle kisses as he went, Cas used his lips to make angel-like suction marks down Dean’s body until he finally reached his goal. He took Dean into his mouth slowly, gently sucking on the tip of his lover’s cock. Dean’s entire body went rigid as he pulled the angel tightly to him, forcing his cock further into his mouth.

Dean’s moans got louder, and Cas took him deeper and was quickly rewarded with a mouthful of semen. He swallowed it all, letting only a little bit spill out of his mouth.

“Fuck!” Dean groaned. “Sorry about that, babe. Took me by surprise.”

Cas licked his lips clean, using Dean’s hips to pull himself up Dean’s body. “Yeah me too.” He quickly kissed Dean’s nose. “No biggie, hon.”

Dean banged his head against the shower wall. “Jesus, I can’t do anything right anymore!” He turned his back to Cas. This was the fastest Dean had ever finished with him, Cas was well aware. But Cas genuinely didn’t mind.

“You have a lot going on in there, Dean,” Cas ran his hand through the back of Dean’s hair. “And not for anything, but your boyfriend is fucking hot. Who could blame you for coming so quickly?”

Dean’s shoulders were shaking, and Cas thought he had succeeded in making the man laugh. He took Dean’s hand and turned him, so the men were facing each other, and he saw that Dean wasn’t laughing, he was crying.

“Dean…” Cas pulled his lover to his chest and held him. He wished he could squeeze all the anger and sadness out of him, but he settled on reassuring him over and over again.

“It’s okay, Dean. It’s okay. YOU’RE okay.” The two men stood in the shower, getting soaked but not clean, and they stayed that way for a half an hour until Dean finally spat out his last sob.

Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Dean finally pulled away from Cas. “Let’s go to bed.”

Cas didn’t respond. He just nodded, shut off the water, and led his man to the bed. He buried Dean in the layers of quilts they found in a closet and Cas climbed in next to him. He tried to pull Dean to him, but Dean moved away and rolled on his side. Cas did the same and the two stayed that way for a while, looking at each other, practically touching noses, but not saying a word.

“This isn’t…” Dean whispered and then stopped. Cas ran his hand through Dean’s hair.

“Dean, REALLY, that was no big deal.” Cas softly smiled, “We have all the time in the world, right?”

Dean smiled back. “Four years at least.”

Cas moved so he was on his back and then he pulled Dean to him, this time getting no resistance. He kept his hand in Dean’s hair, a comfort move for both of them, and Dean curled his body around Cas so his arms wrapped around the angel. He lay his right leg across Cas’s legs as if he were making sure Cas couldn’t leave.

As Dean buried his head in Cas’s neck he sighed, “This isn’t about the shower, Cas.” Cas chuckled. “I mean it IS but not because I came. I just…” Dean pushed himself up, not letting go of Cas but positioned so he could look him in the eyes. “What the fuck are we doing, Cas? We have no idea where Sam is. We have no idea if we’ll be able to get back to our own time. Hell, we have no idea if Lucifer didn’t already get Sam to say ‘yes.’”

Cas gently brought Dean’s head down to meet his own and kissed him. So deeply and warmly Cas thought they both might melt. He put Dean’s head on his shoulder and tilted his own so they were touching.

“That’s not completely true, Dean. I didn’t just bring us back to some random date in some random town. Well, the date was a little random and I think we’re in Lawrence because of you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. I probably had it in my head because, well, because I think about you a lot. Plus, you know, I was stoned and not really thinking clearly. I meant to bring us to Sioux Falls.”

Dean tried to spring up and Cas held him tight.

“Bobby? You tried to bring us to Bobby?”

“Of course. Where else would you go in 2009 when you were in trouble? Unfortunately, I was a little off.”

“Just a little, love.”

Cas grunted. “No matter. We can find our way to Bobby’s, and he’ll know how to find Sam and…” Cas paused, “and YOU, I guess. Old you. 2009 you.”

Dean pulled himself out of Cas’ grip and sat up, excitedly. “What month is this, Cas?”

“April, Dean. It’s April 28^th. I just randomly…”

Dean was thinking, muttering to himself, “May 18^th. May 18, 2009!”

Cas didn’t understand.

“That’s the day Bobby got possessed. How he ended up in the wheelchair. I’ll never forget that day. Not ever.”

“Dean…” Cas couldn’t tell if he had disappointed the hunter or not. He hadn’t given a lot of thought to the date; he just knew they needed to be in 2009 before the summer. Before things started going very bad.

“Jesus, so much happened this year. Bobby. Ellen and Jo…CAS don’t you get it? We have a chance to make everything right?”

Cas sat up next to Dean and moved to run his fingers through his hair, but Dean pulled away.

“No! You aren’t going to placate me right now, Cas. Shit, all the drinking I’ve been doing really did a number on my head, huh? Haven’t had a drink all day and I’m FINALLY starting to think clearly! We can stop EVERYTHING Cas!”

More than anything Cas wished he had a bottle of whiskey at the ready and was cursing himself for not pocketing one before he took off to find Dean.

“It doesn’t really work that way, Dean. We’ve talked about this before.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Can’t change the past. Can’t Ashton Kutcher up the works. Cas…” He took Cas’ face in both his hands and held it close to his own. “I don’t care about the rules. We have a chance to make things right. Not just for the people we love, but for the entire friggin’ world. How do we pass that up?”

“Dean, don’t you think I’d like to change the things I’ve done? I can’t. YOU can’t either.” Cas rubbed his face, “Besides, if Sam has already said ‘yes’ to Lucifer, none of this matters. If he’s already said yes, it’s possible the world we know in 2014 doesn’t even exist.”

Dean looked confused.

“Dean, we can’t change EVERYTHING. We can find Sam, figure out what’s going on with him, and try to stop it. But we can’t go around changing every piece of God’s plan. The consequences will be…” Cas searched for a strong enough word to make his point but failed. “Bad, Dean. The consequences will be bad.”

“Screw God’s plan, Cas! What could be worse than a worldwide, apocalyptic pandemic? It already is as bad as it could get!”

Cas sighed. “I really would like a drink. And a pill…or six”

Dean rolled his eyes and started to get out of bed, but Cas pulled him back in. “Dean, listen to me. We’ll go see Bobby and try to find 2009’s you and Sam. And from there, we’ll wing it.”

Dean actually laughed at the pun and of course Cas looked completely confused as to why.

“How is it you picked up the phrase ‘wing it’ without knowing it’s funny for an angel to say it, Cas?” Dean crawled back under the quilts and pulled Cas to him.

“We don’t have a fucking clue what we’re doing, do we, Cas?”

Cas snuggled into Dean. “Nope.”

Dean sighed, “Maybe we would have been better off staying in 2014?”

Wrapping his arms around the man he loved, wishing more than anything he could make everything right and lamenting the fact that he continually seemed to make things even MORE wrong, Cas sighed as well.

“No, Dean. We’ll make this work. Whatever we end up doing, I promise this time I won’t fail you.”

Chapter Text

Cas awoke, alone in the big bed, blinded by the sun streaming through the unshaded windows. Dean was right, he had needed to rest and he thought he might actually feel refreshed. Sore, but refreshed. Using his hand to shade the sun from his sensitive blue eyes, he was greeted with the sight of Dean, naked and glistening from the wet of the shower, exiting the bathroom.

Simultaneously they acknowledged each other, “Morning, Sunshine!” Dean laughed.

“You’re getting to be pretty funny, Cas!” Dean walked to the bed through a sunbeam and Cas thought he looked downright angelic himself.

Cas sat up when Dean joined him on the bed and the men kissed as if this had been their morning ritual all of their lives.

“How are you doing, Dean?”

“Me? I’m fine, Cas. Right as rain. How are YOU doing? Still have the angel pukes?” It was Cas’ turn to laugh.

“No, Dean. No more pukes. Everything is as it should be.” Cas looked around the room and thought for the first time in maybe his entire life that what he said was actually true. This WAS how it should be. He and Dean, together, in love, not worrying about angels or demons or the next monster to show up in the papers.

Dean leaned in and put his head on Cas’ shoulder. “Don’t I just wish?”

They stayed like that for a while. Cas holding Dean, running his hand up and down Dean’s freshly showered back. They didn’t speak, they just existed with each other, both knowing the bliss they felt wasn’t meant to last.

Finally, without a word, Dean got out of bed and started getting dressed.

“I rinsed our clothes and our…you knows…in the bathroom sink,” Dean motioned to the bathroom and Cas smiled.

“You did laundry? In the bathroom sink?”

“Well, I can’t afford to get you a maid yet so, yeah, I did laundry. Even used the blow dryer to make sure our unmentionables are dry.” Dean winked at him as he finished dressing. “Now get your ass in there and start getting ready, we have a long day ahead of us.”

“We do?” Cas got out of bed but instead of heading to the bathroom, went straight for Dean. “And exactly what does that mean?”

“Cas. We can’t stay here. You were right. But I don’t think Bobby is the answer.” As ever, Cas was confused. “We can’t be telling the world that we’re here from the future, Cas. And if you’re right about the whole not messing with the past stuff, we should have as little contact with people who knew us back then as possible. Right?”

Castiel shrugged. “Right. I guess.”

“Right. So, I think we should go straight to the source. Sam and Dean…me…Dean…aw, fuck, 2009 Sam and Dean!”

“But, how? Dean, you and Sam were kind of experts at staying off the grid. How could we possibly find you…them?” Cas just realized that his head was throbbing. He knew his body was affected by the time travel, but it was also rebelling against him for not having a drink or a pill in much too long.

Dean recognized Cas’ pain and led him back to sit on the bed. “Cas, with all the love in my heart I gotta tell ya, you look like crap.”

Cas grunted his disapproval. “I’ll be fine, Dean. I just need…”

“A drink,” Dean finished. “Yeah, me too.” He looked around the room. “Father Gregory out there probably doesn’t have any booze laying around. Gonna have to go get some!”

“Dean, we have no money. We have no mode of transport. How do you think we’re going to do anything right now?”

“Babe, I have an angel with me. We can do anything together!”

Cas rolled his eyes. The differences between 2009 Cas and 2014 Cas were starting to become painfully obvious to him. He wanted to grab Dean right here and make love again and again and forget everything that was happening. Unfortunately, he wanted nothing MORE than to get high, drunk, to just get, to use one of Dean’s favorite euphemisms, completely shitfaced. 2014 Cas hadn’t taken into consideration the fact that he was basically an addict and that he might not have access to what he needed in 2009.

“I really should have planned better,” Cas groaned.

Dean smiled down at Cas and ran his fingers through his lover’s beard. “Yeah, well, I didn’t really give you the opportunity to plan, did I?” Cas forced a smile.

Dean continued, “How about you go in there, take a shower and clean yourself up? You’ll feel better once you’re dressed and we find ourselves some…refreshments.”

Cas numbly scratched at his beard. “I wouldn’t mind a shave either.”

Immediately brightening, Dean, whose own five o’clock shadow had gotten considerably thicker, yet still not in full beard mode, slapped Cas on the back. “Then you’re in luck! There’s an electric razor in there! And I saw a pair of scissors. We’ll clean you up good!” Dean pulled Cas off the bed and pushed him into the bathroom.

“Just don’t shave it all off, okay? I like my man looking a little scruffy!” And Dean closed the door behind Cas.

Cas took a ridiculously long shower and then took even more time trimming his beard. When he was finished, he still didn’t look like the angel who had only saved Dean just months before, but he looked less like a hobo and Cas figured that meant he’d stand out a little less when they finally went out into the new/old world again.

Dean beamed as Cas exited the bathroom. “There’s my man! Took ya long enough. Two hours, Cas? Really?”

Dean’s eyes were glassy and he was in a much better mood than Cas expected him to be.

“Dean…”

“Got you a present, hon!”

Before Cas could respond, Dean handed him a paper bag. He opened it slowly, already recognizing what it would be based on the heft of it.  Cas pulled out a bottle of whiskey and shook his head, smiling.

“You robbed a liquor store while I was in the shower?”

“Cas, when you rob a place they don’t bag up the stuff you stole for you. NO, I didn’t rob a liquor store. Now that I think about it, though, I guess I could have.” Dean considered this and made a face that indicated that might be on the agenda for next time.

“The how did you get THIS?” Cas lifted the bottle. As he did he realized he needed it more than he wanted to admit. Ever since they got to 2009 he felt less like himself and more like his old self and he wasn’t certain that was a good thing. He opened the bottle and immediately took a swig that seemed to last forever before he finally took his lips off it.

“What you don’t know won’t hurt you. Let’s just say I met a woman who was very,” Dean struggled to find the right word, “appreciative of a young, handsome man. And she was willing to show that appreciation by way of booze.” Dean paused while Cas rolled his eyes. “And money.”

“Dean, you prostituted yourself to get me a bottle of whiskey?!"

“Not just A bottle, Cas. Many bottles. Ooh, and I have another surprise for you!” Dean turned around and dug into a duffle bag Cas hadn’t previously seen. He spun back toward Cas and threw a pill bottle at him. “Betty just filled her Adderall prescription!” Dean looked extremely proud of himself.

Cas stared dumbly at the bottle of pills in his hand. “I was only in there for two hours, Dean.”

“Yeah, well, I get things done!” Dean laughed.  Cas realized Dean was probably also drunk and/or high.

“And someday I’m going to ask you how. But for now…”

Dean pulled Cas into a kiss that Cas broke by pushing him away. “Dean! Someone just GAVE you money and alcohol?” Cas paused, looking at the bottle of amphetamines, “And pills?”

“Well, like you said, after we fucked a couple of times, yeah.” Dean smiled. Cas couldn’t decide if he was oblivious to Cas’ jealousy or enjoying it just a bit.

“Cas. Desperate times, man. Desperate times. And Betty was very willing so it ain’t like I forced her or anything.” Cas shook his head. Walking over to the duffle bag Dean had thrown on the bed, he delicately opened it, a little afraid of what he might find.

“Dean, what is all this?” There were many bottles of various kinds of booze, along with more than a handful of pill bottles. There were also a few pair of jeans as well as a few thermal shirts and a lot of flannel. It looked like Dean had robbed a hipster.

“Betty raided her son’s bedroom for me.” Dean was so proud. “And she spotted me FIVE hundred bucks! Can you believe it? I have to do this more often!”

A few days ago, Cas might have thought it was cute that Dean finally discovered there were people willing to pay him for sex. Right now though, he had no idea where his head was really at, but he knew the pangs of jealousy when he felt them. He opened up the bottle of pills Dean had thrown at him and downed a few with the whiskey. Anticipating the warmth of the high that was going to be coming, Cas turned back to Dean.

“I cannot believe you did this, Dean.” Dean looked hurt.

“Cas, are you mad? Listen, with her money we can get around. And with the booze and pills, well, that’ll keep us fresh right? And I’ll steal us a car. Just like the old days!” Dean walked over to Cas and got up in his face, forehead to forehead.

“Don’t be mad, babe.”

Cas sighed.

“I’m not mad,” he grunted. “I’m…jealous I guess.” Dean smiled at this. Cas pulled away, “Don’t smile at me! I’m not supposed to be jealous, Dean.”

“I love that you’re jealous. Okay, so here’s what we’ll do. Leave here with our goody bag, steal us a car that won’t embarrass us, and go find ourselves the 2009 version of the Winchester boys.  I won’t fuck any more ladies who throw themselves at me, and you won’t be cranky. Sound good?”

Cas grabbed Dean’s shirt collar and pulled him toward his waiting lips. But instead of kissing Dean, Cas stared directly into his eyes and gave him his best ‘I’m not kidding about this’ look, whispering, “Dean, I will do whatever you ask of me. All I ask is that you stop…” Cas trailed off.

“Fucking other people?” Dean took the bottle from Cas and emptied it. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I can do that, Cas.”

“Okay. Good.” Cas hated Dean getting the upper hand in their relationship. He much preferred being aloof and distant and pretending that when they had sex it was all just fun and games. But it was so much more to Cas and he knew Dean knew this. Teleporting back in time, sending them back to a time before they knew they cared about each other, it was having an effect on Cas that he hadn’t anticipated. A big part of him felt like he was reverting back to his old self. Logical, thoughtful, serious. He didn’t love it but he was having trouble fighting it. He shook off his uncertainty and stared down Dean.

“So, Dean. How exactly do you plan on finding the Winchester brothers?”

Chapter Text

Cas woke up in the passenger seat of a…car. He wasn’t very good at determining the make of cars like Dean was. All he knew was he was curled up in a bucket seat and Dean was next to him singing along to the rock music he was blasting.

Dean glanced over at the sleepy angel. “Enjoy your nap?”

Cas stretched and looked around, sensing his need, Dean handed him a bottle. He took a swig off it and wiped his mouth. “I guess so.” Cas looked around, confused, “How long was I out?”

“Couple of hours,” Dean tapped his fingers to the music on the steering wheel. “I figured you needed it.”

“Last thing I remember was you telling me to wait on the corner. I don’t even remember getting in the car.”

“Yeah, you kind of zoned out there, Cas. I lifted this baby,” Dean slammed his hand on the dashboard, “and when I got to you, you were leaning up against a telephone pole looking like you were dead. Scared me for a second.”

Cas grunted as he took another drink, “Sorry.”

“Well, you should be. Thought I was going to have to light a fire for you until you started mumbling your name over and over when I threw you in the car.”

“My name?”

“’Castiel.’ You kept saying it over and over again. Like you were praying to yourself or something. If I’m being honest, it was kind of creepy.”

Dean tousled Cas’ hair and then took the bottle from him. “Let’s try to conserve our resources, huh?”

Cas shrugged and looked out the window. They were on a highway, but Cas had no idea where they were. Looking over at Dean, who had started singing again and just looked so happy, Cas wondered if where they were even mattered.

“So where are we heading?”

Dean stopped singing. “I got an idea. I thought we’d look for an internet café.”

“A what?”

“Internet café. I figured we’d drive to a bigger city and look for a place to access the internet. That way we could check out the news, see if we can find a story that Sam and Dean would have picked up on for a job and track them down.” Dean was very pleased with himself.

“We could just go to a library, Dean.”

Dean pondered this for a moment, realized Cas was right, and started laughing, “You’re exactly right, Cas. As usual.”

Pleased with the compliment, Cas nestled deeper into the seat. “I might take another nap.”

Dean reached across and took Cas’ hand, “Are you okay, Cas? You’re kind of making me nervous here.”

 Cas was mumbling again, “Good. Tired. Happy. Love you,” and he fell back asleep.

Dean kept holding on to Cas’ hand while he drove. He hadn’t been asleep long when Cas felt Dean squeezing his hand and calling his name.

“Cas! CAS!” Dean’s voice was hoarse.

Startled, Cas opened his eyes and tried to focus but Dean’s face was right up against his and everything was blurry. The car had stopped. They were no longer on the highway. Dean had taken a shortcut and they were parked on a residential street in front of a small one-story house with a perfectly manicured front yard. Dean looked panic-stricken.

Pulling away from Cas to give him some air, Dean wiped what Cas came to realize was tears away from his eyes. “Jesus Christ, Cas! You gotta stop doing that!” Dean’s voice was raspy with what sounded to Cas like fear.

“Doing what, Dean? What’s going on?”

“You’ve been unconscious for, hell I don’t know how long! You fell asleep, we were driving, and I decided to take the scenic route. When I turned to tell you, you wouldn’t wake up. Man, I’ve been screaming your name for at least twenty minutes now! What the hell happened?” Dean was shaking.

Cas was a little stoned, a little drunk, and still sleepy, so he had some difficulty mustering up the same level of concern that Dean had. “I’m fine. Took some pills. Don’t know what they were. Just knocked me out. I’m good.”

“You are as far from good as you could be, Cas! This is NOT good. Jesus, bringing me back here is probably killing you.” Dean pounded on the dash, “Son of a bitch!”

Cas tried to clear his head, “I’m not dying.” It was something you say to make someone feel better, so Cas said it. But, truthfully, he had no idea if he was dying or not. Time travel, especially for an angel with questionable powers to begin with was always a risky undertaking.

“We need help, Cas. We can’t do whatever this is just the two of us. You’re a mess and I’m a mess because you’re a mess.” Cas smiled at Dean’s vulnerability and Dean took notice. “Cut the shit, Cas, this isn’t some sweeping romantic gesture. I can’t do this, hell I can’t do ANYTHING without you. So, stop being sick. Right now!”

Cas gave him a weak salute and laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Dean sunk into his seat and sighed. “Back there, when I thought you were just sleeping, I had a lightning bolt moment.” Dean immediately realized Cas would have no idea what that meant. “I got an idea.”

Cas adjusted his body so he could lay his head on Dean’s shoulder and Dean tilted his head to meet Cas’.

“What’s this idea then?”

“You aren’t going to like it. Hell, I don’t like it. But you said we should avoid PEOPLE we know. So we don’t butterfly effect the whole world.”

“That isn’t exactly what I said but I get your meaning, Dean.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “ANYWAY. Fine. We avoid people. Like you said.” Dean paused, annoyed with himself for even having the idea and positive Cas wasn’t going to like it either.

“Dean?”

Sighing, Dean continued, “Well, you didn’t say anything about avoiding angels.” Cas bolted upright in his seat; his eyes as wide as Dean had ever seen them. “See, I knew you wouldn’t like it.”

“Dean. You want us to contact angels? ANGELS? To HELP us. Help US? What are you thinking? Angels, Dean, angels are the bad guys, remember?”

Dean nodded. “Usually, Cas. Usually, angels are the bad guys. You’re right. But…”

Cas was getting increasingly upset, “There is no BUT, Dean, NO BUT. Angels will not want to help us.”

“Cas, it’s 2009. EVERY angel isn’t an asshole…yet.” Cas’ eyes were still wild, but Dean went on, “I mean there were a couple of angels who were actually kind of good and, you know, helpful.” Dean could see Cas was too upset to put together what he was suggesting.

“Castiel, Cas. I think we should try to find, Castiel.”

Cas’ face softened but he was stunned at what Dean was suggesting. “Me? You want us to find ME?”

Dean shrugged, “I mean if that’s how it works. If there’s a 2009 Sam and a 2009 Dean…there must be a 2009 Cas, right?”

Cas looked around the car for something he couldn’t seem to find until Dean held out his hand to give him the bottle of whiskey. Cas grabbed it and downed the entire thing in practically one gulp.

“That’s how it works, Dean. There is definitely a 2009 Castiel.”

Dean looked hopeful, “So? Any ideas on how we can find him?”

Cas furrowed his brow and Dean fondly took note that he looked remarkably like 2009 Castiel.

Sighing, Cas lay his head back on the passenger seat, “Unfortunately, I know exactly how to find him.”

Chapter Text

Dean entered the church apprehensively. When the Croatoan virus first struck, churches were the first to be hit. One Sunday morning in the summer of 2009, churchgoers all across the country were suddenly befallen with it. The angels had a twisted sense of humor.

Cas followed Dean with just as much trepidation. In one hand a bottle of scotch, thanks to Dean’s benefactor back in Lawrence, and a fistful of pills in the other. He needed to be prepared for what he was about to do.

Dean whispered, “So do we sit up front, go to the altar, what?”

Cas looked around. It wasn’t surprising to find a Catholic church empty mid-afternoon on a Wednesday, but it still felt odd to be there alone with Dean. “It doesn’t matter,” Cas motioned to a pew in the center of the church. “We can sit there.”

Dean sat down and didn’t slide over, so Cas had to fit himself between Dean and the pew in front of them to sit next to the hunter. As he did, Dean grabbed his ass.

“Nice buns, angel.” Dean’s eyes twinkled.

“Dean. We’re in a church.” Cas tried to sound tough but just made himself laugh. Dean leaned over and quickly kissed Cas’ cheek.

“You okay, kid?”

Cas rolled his eyes. He began to throw the handful of pills into his mouth when Dean gently pushed down on his arm, causing Cas to almost drop the pills.

“Hey!”

“Cas, no one loves stoned you more than I do. But you can barely stand up right now and I think we need you at at LEAST half capacity to do this thing, huh?”

Cas grunted, pulled his hand away from Dean, and used the Scotch to down the pills. “Do you know how many people every day pray while they’re stoned, Dean? A LOT.”

Defeated, Dean shook his head. “So that’s all you need to do? Just pray…to you?”

“It’s a little more involved than that. I have to open myself up,” Dean looked horrified. “Not literally, Dean. Emotionally, spiritually. I have to open myself up and focus all my energy on 2009 Castiel.”

“Can you do that? You know, without getting broadcast all over angel radio?”

“You pose a good question. Angels don’t normally speak solely to one another this way. So, there is a chance the other angels could hear me. But since it’s me I’m trying to speak to I’m fairly certain it will work.” Cas sounded unsure and frowned for a bit but then brightened when he had an epiphany.

“It’s possible there’s another way.”

Dean was a step ahead of him. “I could pray to him. You. Him. Whoever! Jesus, Cas, this time-traveling stuff sucks.”

Cas nodded. “You could pray. I’ve always been especially in tune with your prayers, Dean. Then AND now. And humans CAN pray specifically to only one angel. If you prayed to Castiel no other angels would hear you.”

Dean bent over, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, and groaned.

“I gave up praying a long time ago, Cas.” He looked over at the angel. “You look like death warmed over, babe.”

“It’s a good thing you already love me then, right?” Cas smiled.

“Yup. It is.” Dean shook his head and bowed it in prayer, closing his eyes. “Here goes nothin’.” Dean cleared his throat and spoke in full voice.

“Oh Castiel, you feathery bastard, hear my prayer and come visit me in this church in the middle of nowhere.”

“Beatrice,” Castiel whispered.

“What?”

“We’re in Beatrice Nebraska. St. Joseph’s Parish.”

Dean sighed.

“Castiel, please fly your sexy…” Cas playfully elbowed Dean, “Your ass, Cas. Fly your ass to St. Joseph’s Parish in Beatrice Nebraska because I really need your help, man.”

Dean opened his eyes and looked around, as did Cas. They were still the only two people in the entire church.

“So much for that…” Dean was interrupted by the sound of the church’s wooden front doors slamming open. Instinctively he reached for the knife in his jacket as he jumped up and turned toward the sound.

“WHO ARE YOU?” Boomed the unmistakable voice of 2009 Castiel.

Dean looked over at Cas and mouthed, “Oh shit!” and Cas shrugged.

“Cas, it’s me, Dean!”

Castiel, in all his splendor, stormed down the aisle toward Dean and Cas. He was exactly as Dean had remembered. Mostly clean-shaven with just a tiny bit of stubble, messy hair, blue suit and tie, and that coat…boy Dean missed that overcoat.

2009 Castiel got right in Dean’s face, knocking the knife out of his hand, and grabbing his collar.

Through gritted teeth he made his demand again, “I’ll ask you only once more, WHO ARE YOU?”

Dean smiled, “Cas, it’s ME. It’s Dean!”

Confused, Castiel tilted his head and as he did noticed 2014 Cas standing beside Dean. He dropped the hunter into the pew, stepped back, and demanded, “What’s going on?”

“Cas, maybe you should sit down for this?” 2014 Cas immediately took his seat and Dean looked back at him. “I meant HIM, Cas, not YOU Cas.” Dean shook his head violently. “Okay, for the sake of my goddamn sanity, YOU,” he pointed at his lover, “are Cas, and YOU,” he pointed at the Castiel from 2009, “are Castiel. Good. So, CASTIEL, I think you should sit down.”

“I’m not doing anything until you tell me who you are.” Castiel looked at Cas suspiciously. “Who you BOTH are.”

Dean took a deep breath, “Castiel, I’m Dean. Dean Winchester. You KNOW me.”

“I know Dean Winchester and I just left him in South Dakota.”

Cas was nursing the bottle of Scotch, “Well that was easy.” Castiel looked confused again and tilted his head toward Cas.

“Why do you look like me? You don’t sound like me but you look…” He moved in for a closer look until he was nose to nose with his future self. “My God, you ARE me!” Castiel pulled back, horrified.

“And I’m me!” Dean smiled but Castiel ignored him.

“Where are you from?”

Cas sighed. “2014. We both are. Castiel, he IS Dean Winchester. He’s just Dean Winchester from five years in the future.”

“Why do you sound like that?”

Dean had almost forgotten that 2009 Castiel could lose the plot as easily as 2014 Castiel.

Cas laughed and held up the booze. “Years of practice.”

“Could we get on track here, fellas?” Dean was getting exasperated. “Castiel, we need your help.”

Castiel was still eyeing Cas, “Obviously.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Castiel, it’s Sam. We need to know where Sam and me are right now.”

“I can’t tell you that. As a matter of fact, I’m going to send you both back to your time right now. You can’t be here.” Castiel leaned over to touch Dean’s shoulder and Cas jumped up between them.

“NO! You aren’t sending us back there! Not yet! We have a mission.”

“I have a mission. You two seem to be on a transtemporal bender.”

Cas smiled. “I forgot what a huge dick I was back now.” Dean shook his head and laughed and placed himself between the two angels.

“I fail to see any humor in this situation.” Castiel wasn’t having it.

Dean winked at Castiel, “Give it a few years.”

Castiel rolled his eyes.

“If you aren’t Dean Winchester you are at least a very convincing doppelganger.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment!”

Castiel grunted, “So what IS the issue?”

Cas spoke up, “It’s Sam. We think he’s going to say yes to Lucifer.”

Castiel grunted again, “I was afraid of that.” He fixed his eyes on Dean. “Dean was very close to saying yes to Michael, but I think we’re past that now.”

Cas could tell by the look on his face that Dean was remembering the dark days when he was ready to give in to Michael. It took a beating from Cas to help set him straight. Cas still had nightmares about the whole thing.

“Yeah, well, I don’t matter in this scenario,” Dean retorted. “It’s all about Sammy. The angels bring the Croatoan virus to the world and before the two of US Back to the Futured it looked like Lucifer was about to be running the show up top. It’s a goddamn mess, Castiel!”

Castiel flinched at the blasphemy, “You need to choose your words better in my father’s house.”

Cas rolled his eyes and stood up behind Dean, “Jesus Christ, Castiel, listen to him! The world is in trouble and YOU have an opportunity here to help us out.”

Castiel glared at his future self. Unbelieving at what he turned into in a few years.

“Did the angels do THIS,” he motioned to Cas, “to you?”

Cas smiled. “In a way, sure. When I realized what a bunch of dicks we all were, I decided to go rogue. Now I spend my days drinking and fucking and shooting stuff.” Castiel was again horrified.

Dean turned to Cas, “Okay, Quentin Tarantino, calm yourself.” Dean turned back to Castiel.

“Cas, we just want to find Sammy. We don’t want to mess with anything else.”

“Dean. If in your present Sam has said yes to Lucifer and you somehow change his mind in MY present, that will, as you said, ‘mess’ with EVERYTHING.”

“Yeah, but who cares?” Dean was yelling now. “EVERYTHING in OUR present SUCKS. It’s like Mad Max on cocaine! If we change OUR present the worst thing that could happen is everything DOESN’T SUCK anymore! Castiel, we need you to understand.”

Castiel looked over at Cas who had his chin on Dean’s shoulder and was holding Dean’s hand. Yet again, he tilted his head, coming to a realization, he squinted. “Maybe there is something that could change in your present that you wouldn’t be happy about.” It was a statement.

Dean looked down at Cas, still resting on his shoulder. He was a mess, but he was Dean’s mess. The last five years kicked Cas around but it also brought the two of them together. If he changed things, would that mean he wouldn’t be with Cas?

As if reading his mind, Cas tilted his head and kissed Dean on the nose, “I’d still love you, Dean. No matter what.”

Castiel was obviously affected by the public display of affection and motioned for the men to move into the pew. “I need to sit down.”

As they moved in, Castiel sat down and looked at them both. “You…you’re…in LOVE?”

Dean smirked and Cas nodded and smiled.

“We are, Castiel. And if my memory serves, you are too. We fell in love with Dean..." Cas trailed off.

"Almost immediately," Castiel whispered and then he slumped into the pew, sighing, “Why do humans make everything so difficult?”

Dean sat next to Castiel and put his arm around his shoulder, “It’s a gift!”

When Castiel didn’t react, Dean removed his arm and got serious. “ARE you in love, Cas? With ME? NOW?”

Because Castiel couldn’t look at Dean, Dean knew he had his answer. He stood up and pulled Cas to him in a bear hug. Rubbing Cas’ back and squeezing.

“Why did it take you so long to tell me?” Dean pulled away, gave Cas a gentle kiss and went back to hugging him.

Castiel watched the two men hug, cleared his throat, and stood up.

“I don’t know what your plan is or how you think I can help…”

Dean broke the hug and turned toward Castiel. “Oh, we don’t have a plan yet.” Cas shook his head in confirmation.

Castiel put his hand to his forehead as if a headache has suddenly come upon him.

“Two Dean Winchesters. This is a nightmare.”

Dean winked at Castiel while he pulled Cas to his side, “OR, it’s the best dream you’ve ever had!”

Chapter Text

They found themselves in a diner a few blocks away from St. Joseph’s. Castiel joined them grudgingly, sitting across from them, watching them both devour the double-decker cheeseburgers in front of them.

“I don’t understand why you need to eat,” he motioned to Cas, who was thoroughly enjoying his burger. “I don’t understand what happened to you. What happened to ME?”

With a mouthful of burger, Dean smiled. “I happened to him.” The men leaned into each other and touched heads, then went back to eating. Talking through his chewing, Dean continued, “And the dick angels.”

Cas wiped his mouth. “They wore me out, Castiel. It became so we knew there was no way to actually WIN so I just…”

Castiel was frowning, angered. “Gave up. You gave up.”

Cas nodded. “Yup. I gave up and gave in. Decided to spend the rest of what life I might have left ENJOYING myself for the first time in…ever.” He smiled over at Dean who was stealing fries off Cas’ plate. “Maybe YOU should try it?”

Dean shook his head. “No. NO NO NO. We need Castiel here to be your old dickish self if we’re gonna get anything done.” Dean noticed Cas take a bottle out of Dean’s pocket and sneak a sip. He quickly turned to 2009 Castiel, “And no alcohol for YOU!”

Castiel turned away, surveying their surroundings. “But you must have fought? Even a little?”

“Sure,” Dean agreed. “We fought. And we lost. And people died. And then MORE people died. And then we couldn’t keep up with the number of people we lost, so we ran. We took off. Me, you, and Chuck.” Dean looked a little pained at the mention of the writer’s name. “Dammit, Chuck.” He looked to Cas. “Chuck is probably having a heart attack right about now.”

Cas leaned back in the booth, looking ready to fall asleep again. “I don’t know how it works. Maybe he doesn’t even know we’re gone yet?”

“You should know better than to play with time travel.” Castiel chastised his future self. “What if you can’t get back to your time?”

“Who says we WANT to get back?”

Cas was stunned at Dean’s words. “You don’t want to go back?” Dean shrugged.

“I don’t know. Right now, all I know is I want to make sure Sammy doesn’t say yes to Lucifer. And then maybe we gank the devil and a few asshole angels and possibly prevent the goddamn deadly pandemic that’s on its way?”

Castiel almost smiled. “Well, at least it’s good to know YOU haven’t changed much, Dean.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“So does that mean you’ll help us?” Dean was hopeful.

Before Castiel could respond, the waitress showed up, asking if they were going to order anything else. Both Cas and Dean ordered two slices of cake each and chocolate milkshakes.

Before she left the table, the waitress took note of the two Castiels. “You two must be twins!”

Cas smiled, Castiel frowned.

“Yeah,” Dean laughed, “something like that!”

Dean watching the young waitress walking away didn’t go unnoticed by Cas and he elbowed the hunter.

“Hey! Eyes over here!”

Dean turned toward Cas and leaned in to kiss him, “You know I only have eyes for you, Cas.”

Before they could kiss, Castiel interrupted with quite the audible groan.

Dean looked across the table. “Can I help you?”

“Do you two have to do…that?” Castiel grumbled.

For the first time since the angel arrived, Dean really looked at him. There was such fondness in his eyes that Cas was almost jealous until he remembered it was HIM that Dean was eyeing. Just him from what seemed like eons ago.

Dean spoke softly, “Actually, Castiel, yeah. Yeah, we do. Because we waited so goddamn long to do it and I’m not going to make that mistake again.” He turned and slowly kissed Cas. Their lips greedily pulling each other closer until Cas began to moan and Dean broke the kiss.

Castiel was uncomfortable and changed the subject. “Yes. I’ll help you. As much as I can. But it won’t be easy. It would be best if we kept you away from Sam and Dean. And, of course, there’s Zachariah. Not to mention Lucifer.” Castiel sighed. “There really are a lot of people…and angels…we need to protect you from.”

Dean shrugged, “So what else is new?”

“Well, I’d say talking to time-traveling you and me is new.”

Dean and Cas both laughed out loud and Castiel looked away again. Ever annoyed.

After they settled down, Dean got serious again. “Castiel. There is something. Something WE have that 2009 you and Dean don’t.” Castiel was intrigued.

Dean slowly opened his jacket so Castiel could see the inside pocket. Looking around to make sure no one else was looking, Dean delicately lifted the Colt out of it, just long enough for it to register with Castiel what he was looking at. Dean then shoved the gun back down and closed his jacket tightly to him.

Castiel looked excited, “Is that?”  

Dean nodded.

“You have the Colt? ON YOU?”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to leave it in the car we stole.”

“YOU stole,” Cas teased. “I was sleeping.”

“You were passed out.”

Castiel frowned at himself and Cas just laughed.

“Yeah, I was.”

“So, you’re criminals now?” Castiel wasn’t amused.

“Come on, Castiel, me and Sam were always kind of criminals. It’s how we lived while we hunted.”

“And right now it’s how we just live,” Cas added.

Their waitress returned with the cake and shakes and Dean couldn’t help but wink at her as she walked away.

Cas again took the bottle out of Dean’s pocket and spiked his own shake and started to add the alcohol to Dean’s but Dean put his hand over the top of the glass. “Not right now, Cas. I need to be clear to deal with this one.” Cas shrugged, hid the bottle between his legs, and dug into the cake. Before he could get the fork to his mouth, he passed out onto Dean’s lap, the liquor bottle crashing to the floor.

“Cas!” Dean yelled as he pulled Cas into a sitting position. But Cas was out cold. “Castiel? Can you help him?” Cas fell back into the booth.

Castiel hadn’t moved. He didn’t seem very concerned with his future self sitting unconscious in front of him. “He’s not well, Dean.”

“No shit, Sherlock. I can SEE that! Can you help him or not?”

“He’ll probably wake up in a few minutes.”

At the sound of the crash and Dean’s yell, the waitress ran over to the table. Spotting Cas she seemed genuinely concerned. “Is everything all right?”

“We could use something to clean up the mess.” Castiel was stoic.

“But your brother, is he all right?”

“He’s…tired. It’s been a long journey.”

The waitress left to get paper towels and Dean was slapping Cas, trying to wake him up.

“Leave him, Dean. He needs his rest.”

Dean was trying not to appear as panicked as he felt, “All he’s been doing since we got here is rest, Castiel. Why does he need so much rest?”

“The time-traveling for one,” Castiel began. “It does take a toll. But that’s not all.” Castiel wearily shook his head. “I should have known this would happen. Why didn’t I prepare for this?”

Dean was confused but Castiel kept talking.

“It’s the alcohol. And the narcotics. I’ve become a shell of who I was. And I’m sure my mind is not intact.”

“Cas…Castiel, I’m very confused. And I’m freaking the fuck out right now, so if you could stop talking in riddles and tell me what the hell is going on…that would be great!”

Castiel fixed his eyes on Dean and Dean remembered that the angel probably already had feelings for him. “I…CAS is having trouble adjusting to the energy drain.” Dean obviously had no idea what he was talking about. Cas sighed, annoyed at having to explain.

“With both of our energies existing in the same place and time, one of us is going to suffer. One of us is going to draw the energy out of the other.”

“So is 2009 Dean passing out right now?”

Castiel shook his head. “No. It doesn’t work like that.” Castiel furrowed his brow, trying to think of how to simplify this for the hunter. “Future you is a different entity than present you. You just ARE. Humans can exist simultaneously when they're from different planes of existence. Angels can’t. Well, they CAN but it doesn’t usually end well for one of them.”

“What the hell does THAT mean?”

“It means, if I go to heaven, your Cas will be fine. But if I stay on Earth while HE’S on Earth, in this same year, in this same time, one of us is going to basically start to deteriorate. And given the physical condition he’s in,” Castiel motioned to the unconscious body next to Dean, “I’m fairly certain I’ll be the one who remains.”

“Are you saying he’s going to DIE?” Dean’s voice boomed through the restaurant and the waitress, who was bringing rags to clean up the booze, stopped in her tracks.

“Is he DEAD?”

Castiel stood up and took the rags from the waitress. “He’s fine. We’ll clean our mess.”

The waitress scurried away and Castiel handed the rags to Dean. “We SHOULD clean that up.”

Numbly, Dean got under the table and mopped up as much liquid as he could as Castiel sat back down. He pulled himself back into a sitting position and glared at the angel. “So, what are you doing to do about this?”

“You said you have the Colt?”

Dean was enraged but tried to keep his voice in check, “Fuck the Colt, Castiel! Who gives a damn about that right now? You just told me Cas is gonna die!”

“That isn’t what I said. I said he’s deteriorating.” Dean angrily rolled his eyes. “Dean. I obviously didn’t take care of myself. Even without the energy drain, YOUR Cas isn’t nearly as strong as I am. So, yes, he could die. It will take a while for him to do so, Dean, but it’s a strong possibility. But it also can be prevented.”

“If YOU go back to heaven?”

“I can’t go back to heaven. Not yet.”

Frustrated, Dean ran his hands through his hair, “Castiel, I swear to…”

“Dean, we have our own issues going on down here. I think we can help each other but that will require my staying on Earth. As you pointed out, I can help you defeat Lucifer.”

“And him?” Dean looked over at Cas who was now softly snoring. “What about him?”

Castiel looked over at his future self. Without thinking to look around for witnesses, he brought out his angel blade. Dean shivered at the sight of it shooting out of Castiel’s sleeve and remembered that 2009 Castiel was a lot more hardcore than his lover.

“What the hell, Cas??” Dean couldn’t control his anger. Castiel ignored him and used the knife to slice open his own palm.

Wincing, Castiel took the untouched glass of water in front of Dean and squeezed as much blood as he could from his hand. He handed the glass to Dean and then touched his wound, healing it immediately.

“Give that to him.”

“Blood? You want me to give him your blood?”

“The water will dilute it, so it won’t kill him.”

“Well, THAT’S reassuring! Why the hell am I going to give him your blood?”

“Because it’s his blood too. And it will revitalize him. For a little while anyway.”

Dean didn’t think he had much of a choice, so he tilted Cas’ head and put the glass to his lips.

“Don’t let it spill, Dean.” Dean looked back at Castiel and rolled his eyes.

“I almost forgot what a complete pain in the ass you were, Castiel.” Dean thought Castiel looked hurt but didn’t dwell on it. He used one hand to gently open Cas’ mouth while the other slowly poured the blood and water mix down his throat. Dean looked uneasy as he emptied the glass.

Sitting back, he wasn’t sure what he was waiting for. He looked to Castiel, “How do we know if it worked?”

Castiel nodded toward Cas and when Dean looked over he was sitting up, wide awake as if he hadn’t just passed out.

“Cas!” Dean pulled him into a hug.

Reciprocating the hug, Cas looked over Dean’s shoulder at Castiel.

“Your blood?” Castiel nodded.

Dean pulled back. “Cas, did you know this would happen? That you and this Cas couldn’t exist together?”

Cas shrugged. “I guess. Some of it is coming back. I must have forgotten. I mean I haven’t given this angel stuff a lot of thought these last few years, Dean.”

Dean held Cas’ face in his hands and tenderly kissed his lips. Holding his face against his angel’s for as long as he could before finally turning back to Castiel.

“Thank you.”

Castiel nodded.

“Dean. I won’t lie to you. Our chances of defeating Lucifer and the other angels…and keeping” he looked over at Cas, “keeping YOUR Castiel healthy at the same time. They aren’t very good.”

Dean pondered this, looked over at HIS Cas who was happily finishing off his shake, and then he looked back at Castiel. He sighed, shook his head, and smiled his most charming smile, “Geez, Cas, when have the odds EVER been in our favor?”

Chapter Text

Dean convinced Castiel to ride with them. With his Cas napping in the back seat, Dean had some time to spend alone with his former friend.

“Any ideas on where we find, Lucifer, Cas?” Dean paused. “I’m gonna call you ‘Cas’ while he’s asleep. I can’t remember the last time I called you Castiel.”

Castiel was studying Dean, quietly noting how he hadn’t really changed that much in five years.

“Actually, Sam and D…you, you figured out where he was. He’s in Detroit. Right now the focus is on tracking down the Colt.” He raised an eyebrow at Dean, “Which you seem to have done.”

Dean stopped at a red light and turned to Castiel, studying his face. “I gotta tell ya, man, this is weird. You’re so…YOU. I almost forgot…”

Castiel’s face softened, only slightly. “Forgot what? That I didn’t use to be a drunken, drugged-up layabout?” Dean started laughing and continued driving.

Shaking his head, Dean lamented, “Sometimes I miss this version of you.”

“I should hope so,” Castiel whispered.

“Okay, we have to stop this,” Dean pulled over to the side of the road.

“Dean, I don’t think you can park here.” Castiel pointed to the sign on the pole next to where Dean parked. “The sign says so.”

Dean turned to Castiel after peeking in the backseat for a moment to make sure Cas was still asleep. “We need to talk, Cas. Before we do anything else, we need to clear the air.”

Castiel was obviously confused.

“Are you in love with me? Back there you said you fell in love with me 'almost immediately.' I heard you.”

“Angels don’t really have the same emotions humans do, Dean. I'm attracted to you, if that's what you want to call it, in THIS time, because of your strength. Your power..." Castiel trailed off.

“That isn’t an answer, Cas! Cause THAT guy?” Dean gestured toward Cas, “THAT guy loves me. And not because he thinks I can save the world or that God chose me or some other stupid reason.” Dean started to laugh but it got caught in his throat and turned into a sob, “That dumbass loves me…just BECAUSE. Can you believe that? He actually told me that once." Dean imitated Cas' voice, "‘I love you just because I do, Dean.’ And that was that.” Dean wiped tears away while Castiel continued to look perplexed.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Dean. You and I, we do seem to have a bond that I’ve not had with any angel ever. I’m not sure that’s love.”

“I love you, Cas.”

Castiel looked into the back seat and then warmly back at Dean. “You love HIM, Dean.” Castiel scoffed. “He ISN’T me.”

“No, you uptight, feathery asshat, I love YOU. I mean, yeah, I love HIM. He’s the one I’m with. I couldn’t live without him. But I loved YOU first. And, not for nothing, but you ARE him. You’re just him with all the hope and faith you had beaten out of you.”

Castiel considered this and Dean thought he saw his body relax a little.

“Dean, right now, in 2009, you would never tell me you loved me. That you couldn’t live without me. Those words would never cross your lips.”

“I know.”

“Then what does how I feel matter? This conversation is pointless. The only things Dean Winchester cares about right now are defeating Lucifer and protecting Sam. I don’t factor in at all.”

Dean softly smiled and shook his head. “You’re wrong, Cas. You’re so wrong.”

Leaning back in his seat and sighing, Dean continued, “I’m so goddamn tired, Cas.”

Castiel nodded, “I know. I guess some things never change.”

Dean looked over to Castiel, “I just want you to know, Cas, even though your version of me won’t say it, I DO love you. Okay?”

Castiel was uncomfortable and Dean decided not to press it.

“SO!” Dean clapped his hands together, “Let’s get this show on the road.” Dean started up the car again and pulled into the street. “We track down Lucifer and kill him, that means he can’t talk Sam into saying yes and Michael will leave me alone, right?”

Castiel groaned, “Michael. I hadn’t been thinking about him. Yes, I suppose Michael will back off. But he won’t be pleased with you subverting the apocalypse.”

“Well, Michael can eat me!”

Castiel actually chuckled and it didn’t go unnoticed by Dean.

“THERE he is!”

From the back seat Dean could hear Cas stirring.

As Cas pulled himself up so he was between Dean and Castiel, Dean exclaimed, “And there HE is! How’re you feeling, Sleeping Beauty?”

Cas rubbed his head, mussing up his hair even more than it already was, “I’m getting tired of sleeping. If that makes sense.”

Castiel frowned. “You need rest. It will help you regain your energy.”

Cas shrugged and fell back into the seat, “I’m pretty sure one of those bottles of pills Dean scored can help me with my energy.”

His eyes burning with anger, Castiel turned in his seat to face Cas, “If you hadn’t abused yourself with those pills you probably wouldn’t be dying right now!”

“So now I’m DYING? Well in that case…” Cas produced a bottle and started drinking.

“You have destroyed our vessel and our essence and you think this is a joke? “

“Castiel, I’m NOT you anymore. I think EVERYTHING is a joke.”

Dean laughed and Castiel glared at him so he pretended to get serious. “Cas, stop aggravating yourself. And you,” he looked toward Castiel, “he hasn’t DESTROYED anything. He just stopped being uptight is all.”

“You mean he stopped caring about ANYTHING. Not God, or his mission, or his brothers, or even himself.”

Cas pointed at Castiel, “YOU are the one who doesn’t care about anything. I care about what’s important. I care about Dean.”

Dean was much more pleased with that answer than Castiel was. Pouting, Castiel returned to his sitting position and crossed his arms.

“If you cared about Dean you wouldn’t be actively trying to kill yourself.”

The car immediately quieted down. Cas in the back seat, sucking on his bottle of booze, was the only sound being made for what seemed like hours.

In reality, about five minutes went by before Dean spoke up.

“Nobody is going to die. Well, none of US anyway. Not if I can help it.”

“Dean,” Castiel groaned in utter frustration, “You have no real control over what happens to me…I mean HIM. I can only give him so much blood…”

“What about our grace?” Cas leaned forward again. “You could give me some of our grace, right?”

Castiel considered this then shook his head, “I fear the state of your vessel would compromise our grace. It would be a waste to give you a portion of it. The only way to truly heal you would be to give you all of it. And I can’t do that because then…”

“Then you’d be human.” Cas interrupted. Castiel nodded. “But if you were human, then I’D be human because I’m future you!” He started laughing, “Hoo-boy this time-traveling stuff is wild!” Cas took another hit from the bottle and he lay on the back seat.

Castiel turned to Dean, “Do you see my point? He’s hopeless!”

“He’s just stoned, Castiel. You really don’t understand how bad things are going to get. Think about what could possibly happen to make YOU end up like THAT?”

“I can’t think of anything.”

“Just you wait!” Cas called from the back seat and Castiel fumed.

“In any case, HE will be of no help to us when we find Lucifer.”

“Fine! I’ll just stay in the car!”

Dean laughed out loud. “You aren’t staying in the car, Hemingway!”

“Whatever.”

Castiel was not amused at all. “Dean, we need to get to Detroit sooner rather than later.”

Dean looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that Cas had fallen back asleep.

“Castiel, that’s like a 12-hour drive. Maybe you should go ahead and we’ll meet you there?”

“I could bring you both with me. You wouldn’t have to drive.”

Dean gave it some thought then shook his head, “No. You should go. Maybe warn Sam and me that we’re coming.” He motioned with his head to the back seat, “I don’t want to traumatize him any more than we have to.”

Castiel nodded, looked solemnly at Dean, “Pray to me when you get to Detroit. I’ll find you.” And then he was gone.

“Geez, Cas, I almost forgot how hard you suck at goodbyes.”

Chapter Text

It wasn’t Dean’s intention to stop. He’d driven longer than 12 hours in one shot before, that was no big deal, but the car he jacked broke down, right in front of a motel. (Cas jokingly accused him of not paying attention to the gas gauge, but the car was just a junker and destined for death.) Dean decided to take advantage of the mishap and get Cas some actual rest. Lucifer, Sam…it would all be there tomorrow. Tonight he was going to take control of the only thing he really could right now, and that was taking care of Cas.

It wasn’t the nicest place, but they let Dean pay with cash and didn’t ask any questions. Dean was grateful for that. After getting Cas settled into the bed, Dean hit the vending machines and bought as much junk as he could hold, dumping it all at Cas’ side.

Cas picked up one of the bags, “I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a cheez-it.”

“Food of the gods,” Dean nodded. “Dig in.”

Dean sat next to Cas and pulled him close. Cas dropped the snack and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, nestling his head into his lover’s shoulder. “I’m okay, you know.”

Dean brought his arm tighter around Cas. “No, you aren’t. Castiel says you’re deteriorating. That’s a fancy word for dying, Cas. If we stay here much longer, you’re gonna die.”

Cas sighed, “We’re all going to die, Dean. Some of us are just going to do it faster than others.”

“Yeah, well, I’d prefer you not go faster than me, all right?”

Cas sat up and stared into Dean’s eyes, not saying a word. Once again stunned that this amazing and beautiful man cared so much about him.

“What? Stop staring at me, Cas, you’re creeping me out.”

Cas laughed, “Do we have any booze left?”

Dean made a peace sign with his fingers, “Two bottles. I thought we should save them.” He tilted his head into Cas’ and sighed, “And you really shouldn’t be drinking anyway.”

Cas shook his head and smiled. Both he and Dean knew Cas was perpetually stoned and a sudden bout with abstinence wasn’t going to stop whatever Castiel thought was going to happen.

Dean sat with a frown, still hugging the angel but obviously lost in serious thought.

Cas snuggled into him, “What’s going on in your head, Dean?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to sit here and hold you and not goddamn talk about anything, all right?”

“Listen, grumpy,” Cas playfully chucked Dean under his chin, “Don’t get pissy with me. Tomorrow we head to Detroit to meet up with…well, YOU and Sam. I’m sure you have a lot of feelings about that.”

“Yeah, and I’m so well-known for discussing my feelings, right?” Dean shook his head. “How long have you known me?”

Cas began unbuttoning Dean’s shirt. “Long enough, Dean.” Dean chuckled as Cas continued by slowly peeling the shirt off him. “And I’m pretty sure I know how you’re feeling. I’d just like you to confirm it.”

Dean watched as Cas sat up, taking off his own shirt and throwing it to the bottom of the bed. He pulled the angel to him, needing to feel his skin upon his own.

His face buried in Dean’s neck; Cas ran his finger down the hunter’s chest. “I don’t think 2009 you is going to be very happy to see us. And Sam’s just going to be…”

“Freaked out,” Dean finished.

“Yup. Freaked out.” Cas looked up at Dean, “And you? You’re a little freaked out too, huh?”

“You’re really pushing this sharing my feelings thing, aren’t ya?”

Cas smiled.

“You won’t let me drink. I need to be entertained.” Cas kissed Dean’s belly button and lay his head on his stomach.

“Fine. I’ll tell you what I’m thinking about. But it wasn’t Sam. It’s you, and Castiel, and both mees.” Cas let out a soft hum into Dean’s stomach.

Dean started playing with Cas’ hair while he spoke, “What happens if because we’ve come back in time, now me or now you gets killed? Then me me or you you dies too, right?” Castiel made a confused sound that encouraged Dean to keep talking.

“You know I don’t care if I die. I can’t figure out how the hell I’ve lasted this long in the first place. But you? Jesus, Cas, I know I don’t say it as often as you do but you know how I feel. You’re all I goddamn have in this world. I’d rather eat glass than lose you.” Cas made a noise that sounded like, “mmmm.”

“If something happens to you or to Castiel, what the fuck will the point be then?”

Dean looked down at Cas who had fallen asleep on his stomach. Tears sprung to his eyes.

“Jesus, Cas. You’re gonna die just because you didn’t want me to be the one to kill Sammy. That’s fucked up.”

Cas rolled over, still on Dean’s stomach but now facing him, and opened his eyes, mumbling, “And I’d do it again, Dean. In a minute.”

Dean got loud, “Well what the hell am I supposed to do with THAT, Cas?” The yelling woke Cas up and he sat upright. “You sound like you’re READY to die for Christ’s sake!”

Cas rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and smiled, “Love, I’ve been ready to die for a long time now. I thought you knew that?”

Dean got off the bed and paced the floor while going on, “I’M ready to die, Cas. You can’t be ready too! ONE of us has to stay here, goddammit!”

Cas shrugged, “Why?”

Completely taken by surprise, Dean stopped in his tracks. “What did you say?”

“I said, ‘why?’ Why does one of us have to stay?” Cas stood up and pulled Dean to him, kissing him gently then pushing him back so they were eye to eye. “I’m tired. You’re tired. Jesus, Dean, you’ve been tired since I met you.” Cas gently smiled at him. “If we were still in 2014 I’d be telling you to do whatever you thought was right. Supporting you in whatever the next fight was. You know that. But here?” Cas swept his arms out and twirled around a couple of times, "Cas and Dean are already here fighting the good fight with Sam.”

Dean was still stunned, “So?”

“So!” Cas quickly kissed Dean, grabbed him by the hand, and spun him around. “So, they don’t need us! We’re free, Dean.”

“You ARE high, aren’t you?”

“Perpetually. But, Dean, I’m also right.”

“Where the hell is this coming from, Cas? You want to DIE? You want ME to die?”

“No, Dean. In a perfect world, you would live forever. And I’d be blessed enough to be by your side while you did. But we both know we live in as far from a perfect world as there is. And there isn’t any indication it’ll get much better.” Cas sighed and sat on the edge of the bed.

“For the last, let’s say three years, all I’ve wanted to do is make love with you…and get high.”

Even in this state, Dean had to laugh.

“But YOU, you have a purpose. And I respect that. I used to have a higher purpose. Now my purpose is to help you fulfill YOURS. And I’m happy doing that. I LOVE who I’ve become, Dean.” Dean rolled his eyes. “No, seriously, Dean. I love my life with you in 2014. But…I fear we’re never getting back to our time and as we’ve both witnessed, as long as Castiel is here, I’m not built to withstand living in this time.”

Cas reached out to Dean and Dean took his hands and let Cas pull him on top of him until they were both on the bed with Dean lying on top of Cas.

Nose to nose, Dean quickly, but gently, kissed Cas. “I’m not ready to lose you. I have no plans on living without you.”

Cas pulled Dean into a hug and the two stayed that way for hours, finally falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Morning came sooner than either of them liked. They quietly both took showers, separately, and dressed for the road trip ahead.

“I’ll go lift us a ride,” Dean mussed Cas’ hair, “You just stay here and relax.”

Cas had already downed a handful of pills and half a bottle of scotch, so he was feeling pretty good. “Whatever you say, babe.”

Dean opened the door to leave but took a moment and turned back to Cas, “I thought about what you said last night, Cas.”

Curious, Cas raised his eyebrow. “And?”

“And…I think I have a plan,” Dean winked at the angel and left the room.

Chapter Text

All the driving had given Dean and Cas an opportunity to see how beautiful things used to be. Even the ugliest streets looked gorgeous in contrast to what THEIR reality was. So Dean took the scenic route to Detroit. The car he stole was older, a Buick LeSabre from the 70s with a front bench seat, and Dean enjoyed having Cas lean against him while they took in the greens and blues of the world around them.

Upon entering the city, Dean, of course, found the nearest burger joint and he and Cas settled into a booth nestled in the back of the place. The lighting was bad and no one really paid attention to the scruffy men eating as if they hadn’t in quite a while. It was there that Dean prayed to Castiel, who wasted no time appearing before their table.

“Jesus, Castiel! Give a guy some warning, huh?” Surprised by the angel’s sudden appearance, Dean spit out some of his burger.

Castiel was nonplussed, “You prayed. I’m here.” He looked over at his future self, happily sucking on a bottle of beer. Cas waved happily to the stoic angel, never taking his lips off the bottle.

Dean motioned for Castiel to sit down, and he acquiesced, albeit a bit grudgingly.

“So, uh, how did they take the news?” Dean was brimming with curiosity.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand the question.”

“Sam and me. Dean. How did Sam and Dean take the news that me and Cas are here?”

“Oh. That…No.”

“No? NO? What the hell does NO mean?”

Cas spit out a small burst of beer as he started to laugh at Dean. “What part of no don’t you understand, hon?” Dean rolled his eyes.

“What does NO mean in this case?  CASTIEL?”

Castiel sighed. It was more a mixture of a groan and a sigh put together because he really didn’t want to have to answer Dean’s question.

“No means, I didn’t tell them you are here. That is what no means, Dean.”

“Why the hell…” Dean put his face in his hands and calmed himself, “Castiel, don’t you think it’s better to have them prepared for THIS?” Dean wildly gestured at Cas and then back at himself.

Castiel looked up to heaven and spoke to himself, “How do I explain this?” Looking back at Dean he tried to soften the look on his face, “Dean. You know YOU. I was gone for quite a while yesterday and Dean…YOU questioned me about it. A lot. And very angrily. When you didn’t like my answers, which at the time didn’t include meeting you and ME over there, you told me to get lost for a while.” Castiel reiterated, “You were very angry.”

“So, I was too angry for you to tell me that another me is here? Is that what you’re saying?” Dean shook his head.

“Um, you DO get angry. A LOT, Dean.” Cas stole some fries off Dean’s plate and looked at Castiel. Waving a fry toward his past self he nodded, “That’s something that doesn’t change in the future. Just so you know.”

Dean looked over at Cas, “Are you done?” Cas winked at Dean and went back to his beer.

“Castiel. Call me crazy,” Dean glared at Cas who had begun to say something, and then thought better of it, then he turned back to Castiel. “Call me crazy, but you of all people must know that Sam and Dean would rather be prepared than surprised, right? I mean I asked you for ONE thing, Castiel. All I asked was that you warn them that we were coming.” Dean slammed his hand on the table. “Couldn’t even do that.”

Castiel looked hurt and Cas immediately noticed. “Dean, cut the shit. You know how you are. If he says he couldn’t tell you, Jesus, man, you KNOW he couldn’t tell you.”

Dean sat there fuming but not saying anything, so Cas turned to his past self.

“Dean IS right, though. We can’t just pop in and say ‘hey’ without a little warning that we’re coming. Pretty sure your Dean would probably shoot us.”

Castiel nodded. “He would.”

Cas took Dean’s hand in his and kissed the top of it. “Babe. Maybe it’s time you shared your new plan with me and Castiel?”

Dean didn’t take his hand away, but he didn’t look at Cas either.

Cas squeezed his hand. “You DO have a plan, don’t you?” Dean looked over at Cas and the two men touched foreheads. “Oh, babe…”

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. “I think I might have a headache. I’ve never had a headache before.”

Cas chortled, “Oh, man, you should start getting used to them NOW.”

Dean sat up. “Every version of a plan that I have ends with someone dead. And right now, if anyone from 2009 dies, that means me and Cas here are goners, right?”

Castiel nodded. “Exactly. If 2009 me or Dean die 2014 you and Cas cease to exist.”

Cas agreed, “It’s math!”

“Science, actually,” Castiel was unamused with his future self.

“I don’t care WHAT it is. I don’t see a way for us to get done what we need to get done without shedding a shit ton of blood. And I don’t wanna shed the blood of people I care about.”

“So I see that’s still your biggest shortcoming, Dean.” Castiel was serious.

Cas leaned into Dean and kissed his cheek, “Yup! The big softie!”

Dean and Castiel both rolled their eyes.

Angered, Castiel turned toward Cas, “Over the course of the next five years, has Dean being a ‘softie’ ever worked in his favor?”

Cas got serious. “If I’m being honest? Dean hasn’t been a softie in quite some time.” He ran a hand through Dean’s hair and Dean leaned into it. “But since we’ve been here…well, he’s reverted a bit.”

Castiel observed the casual affections the two men in front of him kept exhibiting. They were always touching each other, whether it was running their fingers through each other’s hair, or just playfully getting their fingers entangled when they held hands; each time Castiel had been around them, their tenderness toward each other was obvious and, in Castiel’s opinion, careless.

Dean felt Castiel staring at them and pulled away. Cas noticed Dean and slid as far to the opposite side of the booth as he could. Castiel felt a pang of guilt for making them feel self-conscious, ruminating on how self-conscious he always feels around HIS Dean.

“If people die, they die, okay? I get that. We need to do what needs to be done.” Dean sounded so tired. “But I’m not gonna actively go out there and get one of us killed. I’m not.”

Cas had surreptitiously motioned to the waiter for another round of beers, and he brought three, placing one in front of Castiel.

“Oh, I’m not…” Castiel began but Cas stopped him.

“Drink it. You’ll probably need it.”

“One beer won’t affect me the way it apparently affects you.” Castiel was grim.

“Fine. I’ll take it then.” And Cas swiped Castiel’s beer from him.

Dean watched Cas drinking and with a tight-lipped smile reached out and caressed his cheek. Cas held Dean’s hand to his face and the two men looked at each other until Dean finally turned away toward Castiel.

“So, here’s the plan…”

Cas feigned surprise, “You DO have a plan? Who’d have thought it?” Dean pretended he was annoyed with Cas, but Castiel noticed a twinkle in his eyes.

“Me and my Cas…we’ll be the bait. We’ll find Lucifer, give YOU the Colt, we’ll distract the red-eyed asshole and you all can do your thing.”

In exasperated unison, both Castiels replied, “THAT’S your plan?”

Dean’s elbows hit the table and he buried his face in his hands.

“Do either of YOU have a better idea?”

“I don’t know if either of them does, but I sure as shit do!”

Castiel turned around and Dean and Cas followed his gaze...standing in front of them was Dean Winchester.

His eyes frozen in a steely glare, 2009 Dean lifted his eyebrows and grunted, “Hiya, fellas.”

Chapter Text

Castiel spun out of his seat and faced 2009 Dean, who looked predictably pissed off at the angel.

“Dean! I…”

Dean put a finger to his own lips to shush him and grunted, “I don’t want to hear it.” He pushed past Castiel and sat in the booth, motioning for the angel to rejoin the group.

Sitting across from Cas, Dean couldn’t help but stare. “Holy shit.” Cas couldn’t contain his smile.

“Hello, Dean.”

Cas excitedly leaned into HIS Dean and whispered, “I’ve been waiting to say that!” And laughed while his Dean just shook his head.

Castiel tried to sit as far away from 2009 Dean as he could. “There’s an explanation for this Dean.”

Future Dean fixed his eyes on his past self, impressed, “Man, you look good.” He turned to Cas, “I completely forgot how hot I used to be.”

Cas winked, “Still are.”

Truthfully, there was almost no difference between the two Deans save for a few more wrinkles on future Dean and the look of how hard life had beaten him down.

2009 Dean’s eyes widened, “What the hell is going on HERE?”

Future Dean sighed, “Oh, man. So much.”

“Yeah, well, someone needs to start talking before I take out my goddamn gun!”

Castiel grunted, “They’re from the future. They’re the two of us, except from the future.”

2009 Dean looked at Castiel as if he were insane. “The FUTURE? You expect me to believe they’re from the FUTURE?”

Cas nodded. “I brought us back here from 2014. Things in our time are, well Dean they’re pretty fucking grim.”

2009 Dean was visibly stunned at Cas’ language. “Did you just say ‘fucking?’”

Castiel was anguished. “Apparently I do that in the future.”

“That’s not all you do!” Cas winked at 2009 Dean.

Shaking his head wildly, 2009 Dean tried to calm himself. “Okay, okay. Enough of whatever the hell THAT is. Someone just tell me what the fuck is happening.”

Future Dean grabbed the unopen beer Cas had taken from Castiel and placed it in front of his past self. “You’re probably gonna want this.”

“That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” Castiel surrendered.

“Told ya!” Cas winked.

2009 Dean seemed to be having a difficult time taking his eyes off Cas. Noticing this, Castiel broke the silence.

“Dean, how did you find me?”

Still looking at Cas, who was finishing off his own bottle of beer, Dean rolled his eyes. “I didn’t FIND you, Cas. I was picking up lunch for me and Sam when I heard MY voice coming from the back. Imagine my surprise.”

Cas and future Dean both whispered, “Sam.”

“Yeah, SAM.” 2009 Dean looked around. “Speaking of Sam, where the hell is he?” When no one answered, Dean got angrier than he already was. “Why didn’t Sam take the magic carpet ride with you two?”

While waiting for an answer, 2009 Dean opened the beer and finished it off in no time. He motioned for the waiter who quickly brought another round to the table.

“I’m only going to ask this one more time. Then I start stabbing people in the neck. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?”

“Sam said yes,” future Dean said flatly. “Or at least we think he did. We stopped working together, not too long after, well after right about now in your time. I lost track of him except through rumors…”

Cas interrupted, “And the last rumor we heard was that he said yes to Lucifer. So Dean tracked down the Colt and then tracked HIM down and we went to kill Sam.” Cas was trying not to stare at 2009 Dean so he began peeling the label off his bottle of beer.

“WE didn’t go anywhere. I went to kill him and Timothy Leary over here followed me.”

Cas smirked at his Dean and nodded.

Rubbing his face, 2009 Dean spoke slowly, “You were going to KILL Sammy? With the COLT?”

“I was going to try. I didn’t really get the chance. Cas decided a trip to the past was a better option.”

“Hey, you’re the one who couldn’t tell if he was Lucifer or not. I made an executive decision.” Cas defended himself.

Castiel opened the bottle of beer in front of him but as he lifted it to his lips 2009 Dean took it out of his hand and started drinking it.

“I still don’t understand why you’re here.”

Castiel took the bottle from Dean and took his own sip. “They want to use the Colt to kill Lucifer and save Sam.”

2009 Dean realized he hadn’t processed an important piece of information that had been shared. “YOU HAVE THE COLT!!”

Future Dean shrugged and Cas nodded.

2009 was glaring at HIS Castiel. “They have the COLT for fuck’s sake. We can actually win this one!”

Castiel was distracted by the sight of Cas passing out on the table.

“CAS!” Future Dean pulled Cas up and slapped him across the face. “CAS!” But Cas was out for now.

2009 Dean turned to Castiel while future Dean gently lay Cas back against the back of the booth.

“What’s going on with him?”

“My future vessel is deteriorating, Dean. My energy and his energy being here together is deadly for him. Especially given how terribly he’s abused his body. Drugs, alcohol, indifference. He won’t last much longer, I’m afraid.”

Future Dean was whispering in Cas’ ear, “It’s okay, babe. You’re going to be okay.” He then turned to Castiel. “Can’t you bleed in some water or something?”

“Okay, that’s it. I don’t know what bizarro fucking world I just walked into but you’re all fucking nuts.”

Castiel used a knife on the table to slice his hand and squeezed some blood into a water glass, pushing it over to future Dean. “It might not be enough this time.”

Forcing the blood and water mixture into Cas, future Dean waited…and panicked. He ran his hand through Cas’ hair and kissed his forehead. “Come on, Cas. Come ON.”

2009 Dean turned to Castiel again, less angry, more confused. “Those two?” Castiel nodded.

“Apparently they’re in love.”

2009 Dean took a moment to contemplate this and then shook his head. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Of course it is,” Castiel agreed.

Future Dean turned back toward them both. “I think he’s just resting.”

“He needs some time to recover,” Castiel offered.

Future Dean shook his head numbly. “We can’t keep doing this.”

“Every time he has a spell like this he gets weaker, Dean.” Castiel was somber. “We need to work quickly if we want to defeat Lucifer AND get you two back to your time before it’s too late.”

2009 Dean couldn’t take his eyes off Cas. He seemed much less interested in his future self than he was this new version of his angel friend.

“So, he’s a hippie, huh?”

Future Dean chuckled. “He doesn’t like labels. But, yeah, he’s a hippie. Spends all his time drinking and popping pills. Smoking pot if we can find it…” He trailed off.

“And having sexual intercourse. Presumably with you,” Castiel finished.

Both Deans spit out the beer they had just sipped and in unison chastised the angel. “CAS!”

“What? That’s what he said. ‘Drinking, fucking, and shooting stuff.’” Castiel was just repeating what he was told.

2009 Dean put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Cas, I need a favor. Can you go sit in the car for a few minutes? I need to talk to…me…alone.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Dean.”

“Well, it’s what’s gonna happen.” 2009 Dean frowned at Castiel who frowned back and then suddenly disappeared.

“You know he’ll be able to listen to us, right? For all we know he’s still here.” Future Dean noted.

“Yeah, well, I don’t care. As long as I don’t have to look at him while we talk about what I wanna talk about.”

Future Dean looked over at HIS Castiel and brushed the hair out of his eyes. “So, what are we talking about?”

“That!” 2009 Dean jabbed a finger at the sleeping angel. “What the hell is going on with the two of you and why was I getting weird vibes off both Casses?”

“I’m pretty sure you know what’s going on, Dean. I mean at this point I have some vivid memories of what was going on in my head regarding Cas.”

2009 Dean growled but didn’t say anything.

Future Dean shrugged. “Listen, it just happened. One day we were both tired of pretending we didn’t feel the way we felt.” He contemplated this and continued, “Best goddamn day of my life, if I’m being honest.”

“So you’re…WE’RE in love with Cas and he’s in love with US…AND he’s also a stoner boy who looks like he hasn’t showered in about a year?”

“Cas…kind of gave up.” Future Dean smiled. “On everything but me…everything but US.”

“And he brought you here so you didn’t have to kill Sam?”

“He brought us here so I didn’t have to live with the guilt of killing Sam.” He shook his head, “But he was wrong, Dean. Not only is coming back here slowly, hell QUICKLY killing him, but we might still end up having to kill Sam.”

“I am NOT gonna kill my brother.” 2009 Dean slammed his hand on the table. “And if you have the Colt, we won’t have to. Sammy hasn’t said yes, yet. Lucifer is wearing someone else’s meatsuit right now and we can go to him and finish this once and for all.”

“So your plan is MY plan?” Future Dean’s eyes twinkled.

“MY plan is no one dies except for that red-eyed asshole and MY Cas sends your asses back to where they belong.”

Exasperated, 2009 Dean continued, “TWO Casses. I can barely deal with the one I have.”

“Just a heads up, dude. The one you have is in love with you. And I know he has your loins tingling too. You can’t lie to ME. Want some advice?”

“No.”

“Well, I’m gonna give it anyway. Be fucking nice to him. Don’t be such a dick. And when you REALLY start having feelings for him, and you fucking WILL, don’t lock them away. I don’t care if you hide it from everyone else, tell HIM. Don’t fucking wait. Don’t waste the time because, brother, you ain’t gonna get that time back.”

2009 Dean looked over at Cas, who was now lightly snoring. “Did he know this trip might kill him?”

Future Dean nodded, “He acted like he didn’t. But he’s stoned, he isn’t stupid. I know he knew the risks and he did it anyway. Because he didn’t want me to live the rest of my life regretting killing Sam. He was trying to spare me that pain.”

“You understand that part of me thinks this is some kind of fever dream, right? Or maybe Michael somehow jumped my bones without my permission and locked me in this weird-ass nightmare? How am I supposed to believe this is real?”

Shrugging, future Dean pulled the Colt out of his jacket and placed it in front of 2009 Dean. “Is this real enough for you?”

Running his fingers across the Colt, a small smile crossed 2009 Dean’s face. “You sonofabitch. We actually found it!”

“Yep. And you can have it. I’m done.” Future Dean looked over at Cas who was slowly waking up. “We both are.” He looked back at himself. “You take the Colt and go kill Lucifer. Make sure Sammy is safe. You don’t need us there to do it.”

Cas mumbled, “Two Dean Winchesters are better than one,” and he leaned into his Dean.

“Maybe so, Cas. But I made my decision.”

“What decision?” 2009 Dean growled. “Don’t you want to finish what you started?”

“You know what?” Future Dean looked down at Cas who was snuggling into him, “I really don’t.”

Cas looked up at his Dean. “You don’t mean that?”

“Cas, I wanna take you home. Right now, that’s all I wanna do.”

“But what about Sam? And Lucifer? Dean, if we go back now we’ll be in the same position we were before we got here. Especially if THIS you can’t kill Lucifer.”

2009 Dean was offended, “Oh, I’ll kill the sonofabitch!”

Cas smiled at him. “I remember when you were still so full of ego and pride.” He hugged his Dean and closed his eyes. “I love you, Dean. But we have to stay and see this through.”

“Cas…” Future Dean was interrupted by the sound of a cell phone ringing. 2009 Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the number.

“Well, SHIT. It’s Sammy.”

Chapter Text

Future Dean almost asked if he could drive the Impala but the compulsion to take care of Cas was stronger than his nostalgia for his Baby, so he sat in the backseat with his arms wrapped around the weakened angel.

2009 Dean insisted that his Castiel ride back with them, he wanted a united front when presenting Sammy with their two passengers.

They rode in silence, until 2009 Dean couldn’t take it any longer and he turned on the radio. Bob Seger was singing Roll Me Away and Dean turned it up.

“Seger!” Dean laughed from the backseat. “Holy shit I can’t remember the last time I heard him!”

Castiel turned to the backseat and nodded to Cas, “How is he, Dean?”

Cas’ eyes were closed and he was sleepily hugging Dean. “HE is trying to take a nap but you all are a noisy bunch.”

Both Deans chuckled and Cas opened his eyes.

“I don’t suppose you have any more blood to spare?” Cas questioned himself.

“The thing is…I don’t think it’s working that well anymore. I think you’ve been here too long. You seem…”

“Worse,” Cas and HIS Dean said it together and Castiel nodded, turning back to watch the road.

2009 Dean turned down the radio and quickly interjected, “We’ll fix Cas. Don’t worry about that. First things first, though. First, we kill Lucifer, then we fix Cas. Easy peasy.”

No one in the care thought any of this would be easy peasy but they let Dean have his moment.

Castiel noticed that HIS Dean kept checking on Cas through the rear-view mirror and it made him smile to himself.

They rode the rest of the way in silence. As they approached the motel, Castiel began to get anxious.

“Dean, how do you think Sam is going to react to all of this?”

2009 Dean shrugged. “We’re about to find out, Cas.” He looked into the backseat. Future Cas was sleeping on Dean’s shoulder. Future Dean thought his past self looked a little sad.

“He’s okay. Just resting up for the big fight!” Future Dean tried to put himself at ease.

Dean threw open the driver’s door and stepped out. “Me and Cas are gonna go talk to Sammy. You two stay here for a minute, huh?” Future Dean nodded.

Castiel followed his Dean into the motel room, giving Cas and Dean a moment alone.

“Hey,” Dean gently shook Cas until he was awake. “We’re here.”

Cas sat up. “Where’s here?”

“Some shitty motel. I don’t remember it.”

Cas looked out the front window and read the battered sign. “I do. This is where you made me eat a taco for the first time. They were cold because you drove me around listening to a song you loved after we picked them up. Sam was cranky that we brought back cold tacos.”

Dean couldn’t take his eyes off Cas. “How the hell do you remember that?”

Cas shrugged. “I remember everything, Dean.”

Dean took Cas’ chin, bringing their faces together. “You’re something else, you know that?”

“I’ve been told,” Cas teased.

They made out in the back seat like two teenagers. Intertwining their tongues and their bodies…if there had been time, they would have stripped each other and made love right there. Lost in the moment, Dean started to take off his jacket, before he had one arm out of the sleeve, a knock on the window brought them both back to the present.

Cas pulled away and Dean shoved his arm back into his jacket. Looking out the window, he was relieved to see Castiel, not Dean or Sam, standing next to the car.

“They’re ready,” was all Castiel said and then he walked away.

Dean and Cas gloomily walked toward the hotel room as if they were walking toward the gallows. Dean had the duffle bag in one hand and, sensing Dean’s nervousness, Cas instinctively reached for his free hand. Dean hesitated and then gave in, so the two entered the room holding hands. It did not go unnoticed by Sam.

Sam’s jaw was agape and his eyes as wide as they could get. “Dean…Cas…”

“Hello, Sam,” Cas tried to smile but was too tired to make the effort.

“Sammy,” Dean squeezed his Cas’ hand. He was overcome with emotion at seeing Sam here, normal. Not possibly possessed by Lucifer. He had to fight back tears.

Sam approached future Dean and pulled him into a bear hug, tugging him away from Cas. “I don’t know what to say.”

Dean hugged his brother back, burying his face in the tall man’s shoulder to push back the tears. “Same here, brother.”

The Winchesters broke their hug and stared at each other for a moment until 2009 Dean cleared his throat.

“Yeah, enough of this shit. We need to get to work.”

Sam watched future Dean take Cas’ hand back and flinched, confused. “So that’s a thing?” he pointed to their hands. Cas tried to pull his hand away, but Dean wouldn’t let him.

“Yeah, Sammy. It’s a thing.”

Sam smiled and looked back at 2009 Dean, “I KNEW it!”

2009 Dean rolled his eyes and turned to his future self. “We told Sammy about the Colt. Now we need to make a plan.”

“I’m going to call Bobby. Now that we know we have the Colt, maybe he has a better idea on what our chances of using it against Lucifer are.” Sam flipped open his phone and walked outside.

Cas’ legs went weak under him, and his Dean led him to one of the beds in the middle of the room.

Castiel pulled his Dean aside, grimly whispering, “Dean. We should talk about me. Him…Cas.” Castiel watched future Dean plumping up the pillow beneath Cas’ head. His Dean noticed Castiel’s melancholy around the situation.

Dean whispered as well, “I’m sorry, Cas. This is messed up, I know. I mean it’s weird enough to see another ME but YOU’RE watching another you die. That’s…”

“Messed up,” Castiel repeated.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “Man, the two of them, though, huh? They’re so…”

“Connected,” Castiel finished. Dean was impressed.

“That’s exactly what I was gonna say. They’re so connected. When the hell did THAT happen?”

“Apparently things change, Dean.” Castiel walked to the door and looked out the window.

Dean continued watching himself on the bed with Cas. Then he looked back at his Castiel.

“Cas,” Dean walked over to him and put his hand on the angel’s shoulder. Cas placed his hand over Dean’s and the two of them looked out the window at Sam on the phone.

Castiel turned around and they were nose to nose.

“Dean.”

“Cas. I can’t,” he looked over at future Cas and Dean who had fallen asleep with their heads leaning against each other. “I can’t do that. I can’t.”

Castiel pursed his lips. “I know, Dean. I don’t expect you to. It’s just been,” Castiel searched for the right word, “interesting. Watching the two of them interact. Future you is still so hard, like you, but there’s a softness, a gentleness, a vulnerability that he has that you…” Castiel lifted his eyebrow, “that current you buries as deep as you possibly can.”

Dean walked over to the table on the other side of the doorway and sat. “There’s a lot you don’t know, Mr. Smarty-pants.”

Castiel sat on the opposite side of the table. “Maybe someday you’ll tell me, Dean.”

Just then, Sam thew open the door and walked in. “Uh, Dean, there’s steam or smoke or something coming out of the hood of the Impala.”

Dean jumped up and ran outside, slamming the door behind him.

Castiel looked up at Sam and smiled, “Well you just saved him from an inconvenient conversation.”

Sam uncomfortably scoffed. “You know I have no idea what’s going on right?”

Castiel shrugged. “What did Bobby have to say?”

“It wasn’t good news, Cas. Bobby doesn’t think the Colt will be enough to kill Lucifer.”

Groaning, Castiel stood up. “I was afraid of that.”

Over on the bed, future Cas moaned, and future Dean immediately woke up and called to Sam, “Do you have any water I can give him, Sam?”

Softly Cas croaked, “Beer would be better.”

“Sure.” Sam opened the mini-fridge, pulled out a beer, and brought it to Cas. Dean took it and opened it, stole a sip, and then handed it to Cas.

“Thank you, Sam.” Cas used the bottle to salute him. “It’s really good to see you.” Sam smiled.

“What was that you said about the Colt?” Future Dean questioned Sam.

“Bobby doesn’t think it’ll work alone. He’s looking into some spell he said he remembers reading about. He’s going to call me when he has something.”

Castiel was hanging back at the door, not getting too close to his future self. “If he takes too long, Sam, it might be too late.”

“Too late for what?”

Castiel pointed to Cas and again Cas saluted Sam with the beer bottle.

“Too late for me, Sam. You see, I’m dying.”

“Shut up,” Dean barked and then immediately regretted it. Cas laughed at him.

“You can’t tell me to shut up when I’m dying, Dean.”

“I don’t know when you decided you were the funny one, Cas, but you aren’t.”

Cas offered Dean the beer and Dean shook it off so Cas finished it.

Sam was upset, “Why are you dying?” He turned to Castiel, “Cas, why are you dying?”

“I’m not dying, Sam. Well, I mean technically I am, but I’M not,” Castiel pointed to Cas, “He is. I mean, most likely he’s going to die. Especially if Bobby can’t figure out how to kill Lucifer with any speed.”

“You know I would love it if you would all shut the fuck up.” Dean was deadly serious. “No one is dying except Lucifer.”

Cas shared a look with Castiel and then focused on Sam. “Sam, I have not been kind to my vessel over the years. That coupled with me and Castiel over there not being able to exist for long together during the same point in time in the universe basically means unless we can get me back to my time I’m not long for this world.” Cas shrugged, “So, that means,” he kissed Dean quickly on the cheek, “that means that I’m dying.”

Dean’s eyes were wet and he didn’t even bother trying to hide it from Sam.

“Dean,” Sam whispered. Dean waved him off.

“Don’t worry about it, Sammy. Cas ain’t dying because Bobby’s gonna call you and we’re gonna figure out how to do this. Then when it’s done, YOUR Cas is going to shoot our asses back to 2014 and all will be right with the world.”

Cas ferreted through the duffle bag Dean had thrown next to him on the bed and came out with a bottle of pills. “Any chance I could get another beer, Sam?”

Sam shook his head, “I can’t get used to this version of you, Cas. Beer? Pills?” Sam got him another beer.

“I’m making up for not having a misspent youth, Sam.”

2009 Dean walked back into the room. “She’s fine. Sam, you really need to learn how to take care of her.”

Sam blurted out the words, “Cas is dying, Dean.” His brother nodded.

“I know, Sammy. That’s why we have to work fast.”

Future Dean looked at Cas who was happily drinking down a handful of pills. He spoke more to himself than anyone else.

“He’s not gonna die.”

Cas emptied the bottle of beer, tossed it aside, and pulled Dean into a kiss. “Not if YOU can help it, huh?”

“Damn straight.”

Sam’s phone rang. He looked down and suddenly his face brightened. “It’s Bobby!”

Answering the phone, Sam looked hopeful, “Tell me something good, Bobby!”

Chapter Text

Sam had been taking notes while Bobby spoke and he excitedly hung up the phone, forgetting to even thank Bobby.

“So, guys, get this,” he started, “it might not be as difficult as we thought!”

Cas had fallen back asleep and future Dean left him alone in the bed. He was sitting at the table with Castiel and they both looked over at Sam.

“Bobby knows how to kill Lucifer?” Castiel was suspicious of such good news.

“Yeah, well, apparently he found something in the lore about an angel’s grace being used against Lucifer. We somehow dip the Colt’s bullets in the grace and BAM. Something about overpowering him on some cosmic level.” Sam looked down at his notebook. “I took notes.”

2009 Dean was stretched out on the bed opposite Cas, drinking a beer and not taking his eyes off the unconscious angel. “What the hell does that mean? ‘Overpowering him on a cosmic level?’ That can’t be a thing.”

Castiel considered this, “Actually, it is. I should have thought of it before. Angel grace is its own kind of energy. Archangel grace is stronger but mixing the grace of other angels can cause a kind of tsunami of power that combined with the Colt could very well defeat Lucifer.”

For the first time since they got there, future Dean felt a glimmer of hope. “So how do we harness this power tsunami?”

“All you have to do is cut into a certain spot on the angel’s vessel and the grace pours out. It’s easy enough to collect.” Castiel was grim. “But there is a very large problem with this plan, Dean.”

Both Deans replied in unison, “Of course there is.”

Castiel continued, “We need grace from two angels.”

Sam was excited, “That’s what Bobby said. Good thing we have two angels then, right?”

Castiel groaned, “Sam. That Castiel, he isn’t strong enough to spare whatever is left of his grace. If we take his grace I’m afraid…”

Eyes still closed, Cas spoke up, “You’ll kill me.”

Castiel nodded. “Yes, I’m afraid we’ll kill you.”

Cas sat up and looked over at his past self. “Better me than you, right?”

Future Dean stood up, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Dean,” Cas began, “if that Castiel dies, I don’t exist.” His Dean went and sat next to him.

“Yeah, well, if you DIE you don’t exist either!”

“He makes a good point,” Castiel spoke up.

2009 Dean stood up and started pacing the floor.

Cas ignored everyone. “Sam, do you have something to collect our grace?”

Sam nodded then shrugged, “I mean, I guess? I have some vials…” He looked over at his future brother. He handed Cas a bottle of whiskey and Sam shook his head. Then he looked back over at Castiel, “Will that work?”

Castiel nodded. “And we can use my angel blade.”

Future Dean left Cas with the bottle, jumped up, and got into Castiel’s face. “If you take ANY of what little grace he has left…” he pointed to his Cas, “he’ll probably die like NOW. His grace and your blood are the only things keeping him alive!”

“I know.” Castiel wasn’t happy about it. “And my blood doesn’t seem to be working that well.”

Future Dean held up both hands, “No. We aren’t doing it. No way.”.

Castiel reached out to future Dean but was stopped by HIS Dean holding him back. “Cas, don’t.”

“I just want to…” 2009 Dean interrupted his Castiel.

“It won’t help, Cas. Trust me.” He turned to his future self. “Dean. What are our choices here?”

Future Dean looked at himself, pleading with his eyes pooled with tears, “It should be me who dies. Not him. Not Cas. Not MY Cas.”

2009 Dean nodded, “Yeah, but you dying ain’t gonna help.”

Sam stammered, “Mm..maybe we could use some of our Castiel’s grace to heal Cas when this is over?”

Castiel shook his head and Cas chuckled.

“Nope, Sam, it doesn’t work that way,” Cas coughed. This was the worst he had looked since they came back to 2009 and his Dean was terrified.

“Cas ain’t dying for this! We’ll find another way!”

Putting down the bottle, Cas held out his hand to his Dean, beckoning him over. Reluctantly, Dean joined him on the bed. Dean put his head on Cas’ shoulder and held back the tears.

“Cas. You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, Dean. Yes, I do. We both know I do. Even if we could do this without my grace, Dean, I’m not making it back to our time. Hell, I’m not making it out of this room.”

Sam turned away from them all, trying to hide his own tears. Fighting off the guilt that maybe this was all his fault.

“Dean, how many times in your life have you been willing to sacrifice yourself for someone else? For EVERYONE else?” Cas lifted his eyebrows. “SO many that you can’t even come up with a fake number. Well, it’s my turn. Let me do this.”

“No,” Dean shook his head and closed his eyes, “NO.”

Cas ran his hand through his Dean’s hair, “Oh, Dean. You know this is the right thing to do. I know you do.” Dean leaned into Cas’ shoulder and let the tears flow.

2009 Dean recognized that someone had to take control. He spoke softly, but with determination. “No one wants it to go down like this, man. But we have no other choice. THIS is our chance to make things right, Dean.”

Castiel made his way over to future Dean and Cas. “Dean, I’m still going to be here.” He motioned to HIS Dean. “YOU’RE still going to be here.”

Dean held Cas to his chest, “But HE won’t be here. And I can’t live without HIM.”

“Sure you can,” Cas teased. “There’s plenty of fish…” Future Dean cut him off with a kiss.

“I hate fish.” Both men laughed softly while a confused Castiel looked on. Sam approached Castiel and handed him a vial.

Cas looked over to his past self and nodded, “Do it.” And Castiel immediately brandished his blade. Future Dean put up a hand to push Castiel back, but Cas grabbed his hand and held it to his own heart. “No, Dean. It’s time.”

Castiel leaned down and, as gently as he could, made the cut in Cas’ neck. Cas gasped and his Dean pulled him tightly to him as Castiel produced the vial from Sam and began collecting the angel’s grace. Satisfied with what little grace he got, Castiel ran his hand over the cut and healed it. Then he stood up and gave his future self a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you.”

Cas nodded and leaned into Dean. His color immediately changed to a yellowish-grey and the blue in his eyes began to fade. It wouldn’t be long now. His Dean was holding him, though, so he knew he’d be all right.

His voice barely a whisper, he looked to his Dean and weakly smiled, “Dean, would you sing that song to me?”

Confused, future Dean was trying to hold back his tears and failing miserably.

“What song, Cas?”

“You remember! It was the song you made me listen to the day we brought back the cold tacos. You told me it was your mother’s favorite. You used to sing it in your sleep.”

Dean suddenly remembered and half-smiled, “SAM used to sing it in his sleep, Cas.” Dean realized fondly that even near the end he was compelled to bicker with Cas.

“You did too. I would listen while I watched you sleep. It was very…comforting.” Cas tilted his head and raised his eyebrows, silently pleading with Dean.

Dean lay across Cas’ chest, hugging him. “Don’t do this, Cas. Please don’t leave me.” Dean was overcome by his sobs, so deep and heavy that they shook both his and Cas’ bodies.

“Dean, sing it to me. Let me go knowing that comfort one last time.”

Future Dean was so entrenched in his sobs that he couldn’t even lift his head.

2009 Dean lifted his eyebrows and nodded, “I remember that song.” He cleared his throat and softly began singing. Slowly, like he was trying to draw it out and make it last.

“So blow you old Blue Northern
blow my love to me.
He's drivin' in tonight from California.
He loves his damned old rodeo
as much as he loves me.
Someday soon,
goin' with him someday soon.”

Except for the sounds of future Dean’s sobbing, the room went silent.

With tears staining his face, Cas looked over at 2009 Dean and smiled. Then he used all his strength to entangle his hand in the back of Dean’s hair and Dean, still sobbing, lifted his head just enough to look into Cas’ eyes. “I love you, Dean. And I’ll miss you so much.”

Future Dean choked out his words, “Not for long, Cas. I’ll probably be there soon.”

Cas weakly smiled. “Someday soon.”

Dean couldn’t help but spit out a quick laugh through his tears, “Still trying to be funny?”

Dean gently kissed his lover’s lips, pressing into him, hoping his life force could save this angel, no, now this MAN he loved.

“Dean…it’s all right.”

Dean gently shushed Cas. “I know, babe.” Dean paused, wiped some of his tears away, and then gave up because they were coming too fast.

“I love you, Castiel. I’ve never loved ANYONE like I love you. You'll always be the only one I love. And I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry it took me as long as it did to realize it. To tell you. I just hope I get all of eternity to make it up to you.”

Dean kissed him again, this time longer, gentler. He needed to make this one last. When he finally broke the kiss, Dean pulled back to look into those blue eyes one more time. One LAST time.

“Dean,” Cas tilted his head and paused for as long as he could and then whispered, “Goodbye, Dean.”

Then, with the hint of a smile across his face, Cas closed his eyes and he was gone.

Chapter Text

Future Dean surprised everyone. He kissed Cas, for what seemed like forever, but then he wiped his eyes, collected himself, stood up, and turned toward his past self.

“You need to fucking do this and do it NOW.”

Sam, eyes red from crying, approached future Dean, trying to comfort his OTHER brother. “Dean...” Sam reached out to him, but Dean pulled away.

“No, Sam. We don’t have time.”

2009 Dean nodded. His eyes rimmed with red as well. “He’s right…Cas?” Dean looked around and saw his friend standing over his own body, “Cas, you okay?” He thought he saw Cas put something in his pocket, but let it go. “Cas, buddy. We kind of need you here.”

Future Dean looked over at Castiel. He wiped his eyes again and stared at the angel longingly.

“Dean,” Castiel trailed off.

Future Dean faked a laugh, “It’s funny. You don’t look anything like him.” Castiel walked toward him, his arms beginning to extend, but future Dean held up a hand. “Please…don’t.” Castiel stopped and nodded.

A clap broke the tension in the room. “So! What’s next?” 2009 Dean slapped his hands together. He was trying to ignore all the emotion in the room.

Castiel cleared his throat. “We mix my grace with this,” he held up the vial, “and we wash the bullets.”

“Wash?” both Deans responded together.

Castiel nodded. He walked over to the table where Sam had placed a bowl. “I’ll need the bullets,” he looked over to future Dean.

Dean took the Colt out of his pocket and dumped what bullets were left into his hand. “There are only two left,” he handed them to the angel.

Sam sniffed, “Let’s hope that’s enough.”

“It will be,” 2009 Dean growled.

Castiel placed the bullets into the bowl and followed that with Cas’ grace. Slowly tipping the vial, they all watched the gold swirl rush to the bullets as if it knew exactly what its purpose was. Castiel then took his blade and made a cut in his own neck. He leaned over the bowl and his grace copied the movements of Cas’ grace, wrapping itself around the bullets, turning them into a blinding gold.

Castiel touched his hand to his neck, healing his wound, picked up the bullets, and handed them back to future Dean.

Reloading the Colt, Dean was impertinent, “That’s IT?” Castiel nodded.

“That’s it.”

Future Dean spun around and practically threw the Colt at his past self. “Here. Take it.”

Confusedly holding the Colt, 2009 Dean tried to hand it back, “You don’t want to be the one to do it?”

Trying to control his pain, future Dean spoke through gritted teeth. “You don’t need me. You need the Colt and those goddamn bullets, and you have them. Take it and do this fucking thing.”

“Dean,” Sam began, not sure what else he was going to say. He cleared his throat a few times and continued, “You’re right. The three of us should be able to do this. But don’t you want to see it happen? After all this?” Sam looked over at Cas’ body.

“Knowing it’s gonna happen is good enough for me, Sammy. Knowing you’ll be okay. Lucifer won’t be able to get to you. That’s good enough.” Future Dean tiredly smiled at his brother.

“We have to get moving,” 2009 Dean was trying to keep his cool but he kept looking over at Cas’ dead body and then over at his Cas. “We have to get moving, Cas.”

Castiel nodded but instead of walking to his Dean he approached future Dean. Putting his hand on Dean’s shoulders, he turned him around. “I really am so sorry, Dean.”

The two stared into each other’s eyes, Dean getting lost in the blue of Castiel’s eyes for a moment. He pulled Castiel in for a hug but then immediately pulled away. This wasn’t HIS Cas. Not really.

Embarrassed, future Dean looked at the floor and said “Thanks.”

Sam walked over to future Dean and without saying or word or looking for permission, he grabbed him and pulled him into the tightest hug he had ever given his brother. Dean returned the hug.

“It’s okay, Sammy. It really is.” Dean broke the hug while Sam wiped away some tears.

“What are you going to do? Will you wait for us? Where will you go?”

Future Dean looked down at his feet and smiled, then he looked back up at Sam. “I think I’m gonna go home, Sammy. I really just wanna go home.”

Sam didn’t quite understand but nodded anyway.

Future Dean turned to Castiel, “So, Cas, MY Cas, did you take all of his grace?” Castiel bit his lip and nodded.

“There wasn’t much left.”

Future Dean returned the nod, “So if you took all of his grace. He was human? When he died?”

Castiel was confused, “Well, yes, yes, Dean, he was human. When an angel loses all their grace, they cease to be an angel.”

Future Dean smiled his first real smile in a long, long while.

“Good,” he nodded, happily, “So that means I might get to see him.”

Ever baffled by the way Dean spoke, Castiel was still confused. “See him where, Dean?”

“If we’re lucky, Cas, in Heaven.” Dean took his gun out of his waistband, put it right on his heart, and pulled the trigger before anyone knew what was happening. He went down hard, landing on the bed next to his Cas.

Sam screamed “No!” and ran to his brother. Dean had fallen across Cas’ body. It looked like he was hugging him. But it was obvious even to Sam…he was dead.

Sam looked down at them both and began to cry again.

Castiel didn’t move. He was too stunned. Slowly he looked toward Dean, his Dean, who had turned his back to the entire situation.

He walked over to Dean and gently touched his elbow. Dean turned to face the angel; his face wet with tears. The two stood there, somehow comforting each other in their silence. Castiel started to turn away and Dean reached over and took his hand, pulling the angel into a hug. They didn’t make a sound. They just held each other as tightly as they could.

Sam composed himself and watched them hug until he knew he finally had to break in. “Uh, guys?”

Dean quickly pulled away and wiped his face. Castiel looked at the ground and walked to the other side of the room.

“It’s probably time, guys.”

Dean and Castiel both nodded.

“It’s time,” Castiel agreed.

“Yep,” Dean put the colt in his pocket, “Let’s go kick it in the ass.”

Chapter Text

Sam looked over at his brother. Dean was fiercely staring at the road as he drove through the rain, grinding his teeth and occasionally biting his lips. Sam couldn’t begin to imagine the pain he was trying to hide.

They left future Dean and Cas’ bodies in the bed back at the motel. Dean said they’d come back for them when their deed was done. Dean covered them so it looked like they were just sleeping together, and Sam was pretty sure Cas had said a silent prayer. Then their Castiel just disappeared without a word to either of them.

Dean broke the silence in the car, “Goddammit Cas! Where the hell did you go?”

“I don’t know, Dean. He was pretty shaken up, you know? Maybe he just needed a minute?”

“We all need a minute, Sammy. But we don’t have one! You think I just wanted to leave them there like that?” Dean’s anger and pain were palpable. “We need Cas HERE!”

Sam wasn’t so sure, “Do we, Dean? You have the Colt and those magic bullets…and I’m here. I mean Cas is helpful but we don’t really NEED him on this.”

“Oh, so you don’t think it would be better if we had, you know, an ACTUAL goddamn ANGEL backing us up when we go try to kill Lucifer?”

“Dean, do you want to talk?”

Dean got so mad he almost lost control of the car, “Talk? Sammy we’re about 15 minutes away from a showdown with the Prince of Darkness and you want to get all touchy feely? NO! I DON’T want to talk!”

Sam was undeterred. “Dean, what happened back there. That was…a lot. I mean you watched yourself die, for crying out loud. That’s gotta mess with you.”

Dean practically whispered, “I knew he was gonna do it.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I knew he…me…I, I knew THAT Dean was gonna to kill himself.” Dean lightened up just for a second, “Didn’t know he was gonna be so melodramatic about it…” Neither Dean nor Sam smiled.

“Dean, how could you have possibly known he was going to kill himself?”

“He was me, Sammy. I just…knew.”

Sammy shook his head, “That whole thing. I mean who’d have thought…you and CAS? So much in love that they didn’t want to live without each other? And they were only five years in the future. I mean, Dean, you don’t feel like that about…”

In that moment Castiel appeared in the back seat of the Impala.

“Cas!” Dean glared into the rearview mirror, “Where the hell have you been?”

 Castiel didn’t look well. He was pale and his eyes were sad and tired. But he forced half a smile anyway.

“Heaven. I went to Heaven and called in a favor.”

“This favor have anything to do with killing the Lord of the Flies?”

“No, Dean. No one I know in Heaven has that kind of power. It was a more personal favor.”

“You gonna make me beat it out of you, Cas?” Dean was in no mood for Castiel’s ambiguities.

Sam turned back to face Cas. “Was it about Dean?” Castiel nodded.

Confused and angered, Dean barked, “What about me?”

“Not you,” Castiel shook his head, “Well, yes, YOU. Future you anyway. I needed to make sure that he and Cas…” Castiel trailed off.

Sam finished for him, “Got to Heaven.”

“I’m just gonna turn into the next tree we see if you two don’t explain what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Dean,” Sam offered, “in many religions suicide is considered a sin. A lot of cultures believe if you commit suicide you won’t get into Heaven.”

“It isn’t true, though,” Castiel continued. “It IS true that some consider suicide throwing away God’s greatest gift, but, ultimately, it’s just another of someone’s actions on earth that gets weighed when their judgment day arrives.”

Dean took one hand off the steering wheel and began massaging his temples. “You’re gonna make me face the King of the Damned with a friggin’ migraine.”

Castiel sighed, “When you…DEAN made that remark about hoping to meet Cas in heaven, it made me think that maybe I should try and make sure that happened.”

Dean softened a little, “You have that kind of juice?”

“No. But I know angels who do.”

“So,” Sam was tentative, “Did it work?”

“I think so. Ultimately, I have no way of really knowing. It’s all a bit confusing actually. If there is a Dean Winchester in Heaven right now, can ANOTHER Dean Winchester go to Heaven when it’s his time?”

“Don’t worry yourself about it. I’m pretty sure there’s no chance of me getting in, Cas.” Dean looked in the mirror again.

“I don’t know that you are right, Dean. Anyway, no one had a good answer. But it does appear that wherever that Dean and Cas went, they’re most likely together. Sadly, that’s all I could find out.”

Dean whispered to himself, “It’s good enough.”

They rode in silence for a few more minutes until Dean couldn’t control himself any longer, “So you LEAVE US in the middle of the most important thing any of us has EVER done just to make sure you got to Heaven? What were you thinking, Cas? That could have waited!”

“Souls don’t wait, Dean. I had to move quickly. And it wasn’t to get ME to Heaven. It was for future Dean and human Cas. Angels don’t go to Heaven if they die, Dean. We go to The Empty.” Castiel shivered. “And I’d rather not talk about THAT.”

Dean furrowed his brow, “You spend your whole life doing God’s bidding and when you bite it you don’t even get paradise?” Castiel shrugged. “Well no wonder angels are such dicks.”

“Dean,” Sam didn’t think it was the time for that discussion again.

“We are, Sam. Dean isn’t wrong.”

Dean actually laughed out loud.

Sam sighed. “So, what’s the plan? We have a vague idea where Lucifer is holding up…so we somehow track him down, then what?”

“Two in the fucking head with the Colt, Sammy. Then we drive to Virginia Beach and get Cas a Mai Tai.”

“THAT’S your plan?” Castiel wasn’t impressed.

“You are gonna LOVE Mai Tais, Cas.”

Sam shook his head. “Okay, so BEFORE the Mai Tais, I was thinking more along the lines of, how are we going to draw Lucifer out?”

“Oh, Sam. He already knows we’re coming.” Castiel stated matter-of-factly. “He’ll know when we get there.”

Dean pulled the car over to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes, violently turning to face Cas in the back seat. “He WHAT?”

Castiel looked confused, “Dean. I thought you knew. Lucifer is fully aware of our plans.”

“Cas,” Sam sighed, “This is information that would have been good to have…”

“ANY TIME before, oh FIVE FUCKING MINUTES before we’re about to try and gank him?!?” Dean was exasperated. “I swear, Cas, sometimes you are so goddamn infuriating!”

Castiel looked down at his lap, pretending Dean’s words didn’t hurt.

Sam tried to get them back on track, “Okay, so we won’t be surprising him. But just KNOWING we’re coming doesn’t mean he’ll get the upper hand.”

The Impala began to shake as if the strongest earthquake ever created suddenly just hit. As his body slammed into Sam’s, Dean thought the car was going to flip over. Castiel got thrown into the back window and seemed to be knocked unconscious. The rocking stopped as quickly as it had begun.

Pulling himself back to the driver’s side, Dean immediately looked in the back seat. “Cas? Cas are you all right?” 

Castiel groaned and weakly waved his hand as he sat upright. “I think so.”

“Um, Dean…Cas isn’t really our problem right now.” Sam was staring out the front window and flailing at Dean with his left hand.

Turning back around, Dean scolded Sam, “I was gonna ask about you next, Sammy…” Dean’s words drifted off when his attention was brought to the front of the car.

Standing on the hood, with an orange glow all around him and his red eyes flaming, smiling like a madman, was Lucifer.

With a giggle and a wave, he looked right at Dean. “Hiya, Dean. How’s it going?”

Chapter Text

Still shaken, Castiel teleported himself out of the car and onto the hood. Taking Lucifer by surprise, he was able to knock him to the ground and give the Winchesters a few extra seconds to prepare themselves.

The light around him faded and his eyes returned to a human blue, Lucifer laughed. “Castiel!”  He stayed on the ground, looking up at the angel now holding a blade to his throat. With a swipe of his hand both Castiel and his blade went flying across the dark street.

Sam was the first out of the Impala, nervously yelling, “Hey!” Immediately gaining Lucifer’s attention.

Standing up and brushing himself off, Lucifer walked toward Sam, “Hey Sammy. Long time.”

Castiel got up and charged toward them, but with another lift of his hand Lucifer threw him up against the closest tree, where he seemed to be stuck.

“Not now, Castiel, the big kids are playing.”

Rage poured from Castiel’s face as he pointlessly fought to free himself.

Still talking to Sam, Lucifer used his head to motion to Castiel. “Guess bringing an angel with you wasn’t the power boost you were hoping for, eh Sammy?”

“Or maybe it was just the distraction we needed?” Sam held up a gun.

Laughing again, Lucifer walked toward Sam. “Oh, Sammy. You know that won’t do any good. It’s the Colt that’s gonna do me in, right?”

Dean’s voice came from behind him, “Right.”

Lucifer had barely turned around when Dean pulled the trigger. As the bullet exited the chamber, Lucifer lashed out and the Colt flew out of Dean’s hand. But Lucifer wasn’t fast enough, and that first bullet went right through his chest, knocking him backward onto the ground and releasing his power over Castiel.

Weakened but still with a bit of his power, from the ground Lucifer waved his hands and sent both Dean and Sam tumbling across the street.

“Dean!” Castiel’s familiar gruff voice called out.

“Dean!” Lucifer mocked him as the angel stormed toward him, blade flashing in the streetlight.

Castiel took advantage of Lucifer’s slightly weakened state and plunged his angel blade into this chest, not far from where the bullet hit. While it wasn’t a death blow, it drained Lucifer enough for him to stop his attempt at standing up.

Dean shook himself off, picked up the Colt and stormed over to Lucifer. Unconsciously, he pushed Castiel aside, slamming him into the hood of the Impala.

Glaring at Lucifer, he raised the Colt.

Lucifer was gasping but still impudent. “What, no snappy repartee? Dean, you dis…”

There was something different about the sound of this shot. Where the first one sounded like any gunshot Sam or Dean heard before, this one sounded like thunder. Celestial thunder.

Cas and Sam both slowly approached Dean and Lucifer. Dean stood over the fallen angel like Muhammad Ali standing over Sonny Liston after knocking him down, egging him on to get back up.

But Lucifer wasn’t moving. His face was frozen in absolute shock, a bullet hole right above the bridge of his nose. He tried to laugh but it came out more like a cough and when he finally spoke, blood poured from his mouth. He got up enough energy to gasp, “Well played, Dean.”

Before anyone could say another word there was a blinding flash of orange light and when it disappeared so had Lucifer.

Sam and Cas looked around them while Dean stared at the ground.

“Is that it?” Sam was shaking. “Is he gone?”

“He’s gone.” Castiel was certain.

“If he wasn’t, Sammy, we’d be dead.” Exhausted, Dean slumped to his knees.

Both Sam and Cas called to him, but Castiel was first to get to the hunter. He threw himself to the ground and wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him against his own body.

“I’ve got you, Dean. I’ve got you.”

Dean leaned into Castiel’s shoulder and started to cry. All the anger and frustration and grief he had been carrying with him for seemingly his entire life came pouring out.

Sam looked on, stunned at his brother’s public outburst and even a little more stunned that Castiel was the one comforting him.

Dean didn’t let his moment of vulnerability last. Wiping his face with his hands, he used Castiel to push himself into a standing position and then offered Cas a hand and pulled him up, so they were standing face to face.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Dean practically whispered. Castiel nodded.

“Uh, yeah we do,” Sam interrupted. “What the hell was that noise? What happened with that second shot?”

“Angels,” Castiel responded. “It felt like the power of hundreds of angels pushing that bullet out of the Colt.”

Dean tilted his head and hit his ear a few times, “Whatever it was, my ears are still ringing.”

“It was angels.” Castiel reiterated. “I guess I got through in a way I hadn’t expected.”

“I thought you said you didn’t know anyone in Heaven with that kind of power?” Sam was also trying to get the ringing in his ears to stop.

Castiel shrugged. “I don’t. But maybe, collectively…it seems when angels actually work together they can get things done.”

“Well, isn’t THAT convenient?” Dean spat.

Castiel was confused, “Dean, you defeated Lucifer. Doesn’t that make you happy?”

“Happy’s a strong word, Cas. I’m relieved. For now. But I’m still pissed.” Dean looked up to the sky. “We lost so much.”

Dean walked back to the Impala and Sam and Cas quietly followed. As Sam opened the front passenger’s door, Dean nodded to him. “Do me a favor, Sammy? Sit in the back.” He turned to Castiel. “Feel like riding shotgun?”

Castiel tried not to smile but Dean and Sam both could see in his eyes how pleased he was.

“Sure. I’ll just bunk out in the back until we get to the motel.” Sam was pleased to get some rest.

Dean and Cas slid into the front seat at the same time, while Sam fell face first onto the backseat. Dean turned the key and Baby started right up. He turned the radio on and a song he didn’t recognize was playing. As Dean went to turn the station, Castiel dug into his coat pocket and pulled something out.

“Maybe we could listen to this?” Cas handed Dean a cassette tape. It was scratched to hell and looked to be at least a few years old. A black cassette with a white label and writing on it that Dean immediately recognized that read, Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Traxx.

Softly, “Cas…where did you get that?”

“It was in his pocket. MY pocket. Future Cas’ pocket. I assumed it was something important to him.”

Staring at it, Dean rolled the tape over in his hand a few times. “I must have made it for you.” He looked up at Cas, “Later on.” Castiel raised his eyebrows.

Dean pushed the tape into the player and music immediately began. It was halfway through a song. Robert Plant’s voice echoed through the silent car as Dean drove on.

Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews time
His is the force that lies within
Ours is the fire, all the warmth we can find
He is a feather in the wind

Castiel leaned back, closed his eyes, and listened to the music. He didn’t even open them when he felt Dean’s hand on top of his own, or when Dean threaded his fingers through Castiel’s. He sat there, with his eyes closed, letting the music wash over him, enjoying the warmth of Dean’s hand in his.

Chapter Text

It took a bit of maneuvering, but they wrapped future Dean and Cas’ bodies together and burned them. Dean insisted.

They stayed in Detroit for a few more days, in a different motel (Dean also insisted on that), and then hit the road. It didn’t take long for Sam to find them a new case far away from Detroit in Pinedale Wyoming. Castiel offered to go with them and Dean didn’t say no. His only requirement was that Cas rode with them in the Impala instead of teleporting himself there and Cas didn’t argue. This time, though, Sam insisted on reclaiming his seat at shotgun.

Things went back to pretty much the way they were before. Dean and Cas stole the occasional glance, but the handholding in Michigan wasn’t repeated. Sam did notice a softness Dean showed toward Cas that he hadn’t before. He was more patient, more thoughtful of how he spoke to the angel. And when Castiel got confused Dean worked on explaining things rather than getting exasperated. Sam appreciated that at least Dean was making small steps and he hoped Cas appreciated it too.

Weeks went by and they realized that they must have been successful. No trace of Lucifer anywhere. But there were still monsters. Plenty of monsters for the brothers Winchester to hunt and kill. Occasionally, Cas would go back to Heaven and be gone for a while on some angelic mission, but he always came back. He always ended up back with Dean.

One night, months later, and after Castiel had been gone for about a week straight and Sam was out doing who knows what while Dean was sleeping off a drinking binge that followed a particularly nasty tussle with a pack of werewolves, Cas appeared, sitting at the foot of Dean’s bed, and inadvertently woke the dozing hunter.

“Cas!” Dean jumped up. “HOW MANY TIMES…” Dean stopped himself. He was trying so hard to be more patient with the angel.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel tilted his head. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Usually, I don’t.”

“What do you mean, usually you don’t?”

Castiel realized yet again he said the wrong thing and looked away. Dean leaned over and put his hand on his shoulder, forcing Cas to face him.

“Cas?”

Sighing, Castiel met Dean’s glances. “I’ve been visiting you while you sleep. For…for a while now. I leave just before you wake up.”

Annoyed, Dean lashed out, “Cas, what the hell, man?”

Castiel looked away again.

Dean got up and sat at the end of the bed next to Cas. He put his hand on Cas’ shoulder and tried to be a bit more gentle when he spoke. “What’s going on, Cas? Why not just come around? Why sneak in while I’m sleeping?”

Castiel sadly looked into Dean’s eyes. “Things…they’re different between us, Dean. Ever since…”

Dean sighed. “Detroit. I know, Cas.”

“That night in the car. When you held my hand. I thought,” Cas shook his head, “It doesn’t matter what I thought. I’m sorry, Dean. I should leave.”

Afraid he’d vanish without warning; Dean took Cas’ hand in his. “Don’t, Cas. Don’t leave!”

“You don’t understand, Dean. I’m an angel. I’m not human. I’m not supposed to have human emotions. I’m not supposed to be feeling the way I’m feeling. And I certainly shouldn’t be projecting my feelings onto you.”

Dean didn’t let Cas’ hand go although Castiel tried to pull away. “Cas…” Dean looked upward, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this…” he focused back on Castiel, “maybe we should talk about this?”

“What do you want to talk about, Dean?”

Dean ran his free hand through his hair and groaned, “You’re gonna make me work for this, huh?”

Castiel blankly stared at Dean, so Dean continued.

“That night, Cas. It was a bad day. For you too.” Castiel nodded. “But that isn’t an excuse. Seeing the other Dean and Cas…seeing them and the way they were. What Dean did…Jesus, what he did…”

Dean couldn’t get out a complete sentence without the emotion of that experience washing over him. Castiel noticed this and put his other hand on top of Dean’s.

“He killed himself. To be with the other Castiel. I was there. It was…”

Dean quietly finished his sentence, “Intense.”

“I was going to say horrifying.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, it was pretty awful. But it was also kind of…I mean, he loved his Cas so much...I don’t know…”

Dean looked down and realized both of his hands were intertwined with Castiel’s.

“Dean…”

Dean interrupted again. “You know, I keep thinking about that mixtape. The one I haven’t made yet.”

“I’ve listened to it multiple times. It’s very good.”

“Of course it’s freaking good, it’s Led Zeppelin. No, that’s not what I meant. I mean I keep thinking about why I would make it for you. What could have happened that made me think you’d want a Zeppelin mixtape.” Dean stopped himself, cocked his head at Cas, “Wait a minute. How are you listening to a cassette tape when you haven’t been in the car?”

“I make visits to the Impala when you aren’t in it.”

“Cas, why do you keep going off if you’re just gonna make secret visits to me and the car?”

“Because, Dean, I didn’t want you to think that I was being…aggressive.”

Dean sighed, squeezed Castiel’s hands, and started laughing.

“This is funny?”

Still laughing, Dean let go of one of Castiel’s hands and ran it through his own hair, “Yeah, Cas, it kind of is.”

“Dean, these feelings I have. They aren’t natural. I’m trying to suppress them, but I don’t think it’s working.”

Nodding, Dean ran his hand down Castiel’s arm, “Same, buddy, same.”

Now Castiel was really confused and couldn’t hide the look of bewilderment on his face. Making Dean laugh all over again.

“Cas, you’re killing me. You really are. What I’m trying to tell you is that I think we’re in the same boat.”

Castiel looked around, “Dean, are you hurt? Did you hit your head? We’re not in a boat; we’re in a motel.”

“OH MY GOD CAS, just shut up and listen to me, okay? I like you. I REALLY like you. And not just because I saw what happened to us in the future. I’ve really liked you since…well for a long time. But it’s just not…I don’t know what the hell it isn’t, Cas. But it isn’t. I’m not supposed to feel this way. Not for you. Not for a man.”

“Well, technically I’m not a man, I’m an angel.”

“In a man’s vessel, Cas. You’re a dude. And that’s great. I love that you’re a dude. But I’m a dude too. And if I learned anything from my father it’s that two dudes…” Dean trailed off.

“Is this about homosexuality?” Castiel questioned Dean sincerely, “Are we homosexuals?”

As if he had just been slapped, Dean jumped up from the bed. “No, Cas, we are NOT homosexuals.” He began pacing the floor. “Can you even BE a homosexual if you’re an angel?” Castiel shrugged.

“My vessel is a male and I think I'm attracted to you…a male. Doesn’t that make me a homosexual?”

Dean was tired and hungover, and still so sad about everything, but looking over at Castiel, asking so earnestly for help in defining who he was, Dean finally had enough of his own posturing. Walking back over to Cas, he sat next to him, took his hand, and held it with both of his own.

“Maybe, Cas. Maybe you are.”

“And you?”

Dean smiled. It was a sad smile, and he was so exhausted that he had to work to even smile that little, but he wanted Castiel to feel it. “I don’t know, Cas. I’ve tried not to think about it for a long time. If I have to brand myself as something, maybe Bi?”

Castiel was clueless.

“Bisexual, Cas. I guess I like women and men.” Dean suddenly felt his defenses coming up again, “Mostly women.” Castiel solemnly nodded before Dean added, “And you.”

Castiel was stunned. He squinted at Dean and tilted his head for a few seconds until he could breathe again, “ME?”

Dean pulled Castiel to him so they were touching foreheads. “Yes, you big baby. YOU.” They both closed their eyes and held the moment until Dean gently pulled away.

Castiel looked at Dean’s face. He seemed troubled yet happy at the same time. Humans were so confusing. “So, Dean, what do we do now?”

Dean licked his lips. “We could go for a ride. And listen to that tape. And see what happens next.”

Castiel’s confidence was slowly coming back. He nodded, squeezed Dean’s hand, and smiled at him.

“Yes, Dean. I think I’d like that.”

It was the first time Dean had ever seen Cas smile so genuinely and it made him smile back.

“Me too, Cas. Me too.”