Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Can you please pass this to Raven to answer Cos for me.” Lexa mumbles, not looking over at her sister. Her arm reached out in her direction, phone open and unlocked onto a message thread in the palm of her hand.

Anya studies her for a second skeptically before snatching the device from her palm and nosily going over the message thread. If Lexa wasn’t so busy examining the different books on the shelf and stacking them into a box, she probably would scold her for it, but she was a bit preoccupied. “You’re letting her grocery shop for you now?” Anya tuts.

This distracts Lexa, confusion obvious in the knit of her eyebrows. “No. She’s just being nice. Really, she’s grocery shopping for Raven. Now stop being nosey so she can get an answer sometime this year.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Anya rolls her eyes and disappears out of the room for a second, calling after her girlfriend somewhat loudly. It echoes down the hallway, causing an answering bang on the far wall of the living room.

Damn neighbors. “Wait, Costia is going to be there for dinner?” Raven asks coming back into the room to set Lexa’s phone on the coffee table as she examines over a book that looks incredibly worn. She doesn’t remember where it came from, just examining inside the cover when Raven approaches her.

“Uh, I have no idea.” Lexa shrugs and tosses the book in the donation box.

“Lexa, you have to tell me, so I know how much I’m cooking!” She responds with slight exasperation.

Lexa quirks a brow at her, examining her features carefully. “Why are you so stressed out?”

“I’m not stressed out.” She denies, despite the tense nature of her jaw. Her eyes spark slightly, but Lexa doesn’t know what that means either. Raven’s been in somewhat of a mood the last few months really, she thinks it has to do with her sister, but she hasn’t attempted to ask. She knows her friend has never been one for talking about her feelings very much.

“You’re doing that thing with your eye.” She motions toward it, sparing her another glance before moving down the bookshelf and snatching up another book. “I think this is Anya’s.”

“You know, you probably don’t need me and Anya here for this.” Raven sighs, still sounding somewhat distressed and drops onto the couch with a huff. “You know she’s working.”

“I’m not scared of her.” Lexa says with a roll of her eyes and tosses Anya’s book into the donation box.

“Then why do you need human bodyguards?” Raven probably means for it to sound teasing, but the tension in her shoulders has the comment coming off as a bit of a jab.

Lexa glares at the side of her head, black hair somewhat obscuring her face. “Leave if you want.” She says a bit hard; tone colder than it probably should be.

Raven looks up at her at that. “Alright, knock that off.” Raven grumbles, she fiddles with the brace around her left leg. It’s new, meant to be a better version than her previous ones. It’s supposed to help her mobility or something her doctor said but she doesn’t seem to be adjusting to it very well. Perhaps that’s what’s got her so cranky. Lexa will be sure to ask when she’s less snappy.

“What?”

“You’re doing that angry pouty thing and it makes me feel bad for you.”

Lexa just huffs in response to that, crossing her arms along her chest in an action meant to look more defiant than it does. Instead, she just looks a bit insecure and kind of like an oversized, curly haired, toddler. “You’re seeing things.”

“Let me take over, text Costia and ask if she’s going to be home for dinner.” Now that Raven is beside her, she lets herself relax a bit, passing over a book she had been meaning to grab next and giving it to Raven as she takes the same place on the couch that her friend had previously been sitting in.

She’s just picking up her phone when Anya comes back into the room, stumbling over a dog toy as light brown eyes peek over the box she’s carrying. “I think I got everything Clarke put in the closet.” She informs coolly almost meeting Lexa’s eyes.

She looks away from her before she can. “Cool.” Lexa unlocks her phone and doesn’t look back at her sister, even though she can feel her eyes on her, staring at the back of her neck as she moves her hands up to tangle around dirty blonde hair and force it up into a ponytail.

Lexa (5:23 P.M.): Raven very anxiously wants to know if you will be eating with us?

“Rae, let me help you with that.”

“I don’t need help with everything.”

Bang, bang.

She glares at the wall. She most definitely is not going to miss that.

Costia (5:24 P.M.): um, am I invited?

Sighing slightly because the question doesn’t entirely feel like it needs to be asked, Lexa turns to her sister and Raven. “Cos wants to know if she’s invited.”

“Of course she’s invited.” Anya says openly, because Costia has been her friend longer than she’s been Lexa’s, so it’s like a knee jerk reaction by this point.

One that Raven seems to not appreciate as she glares at her girlfriend. “You can’t just invite people to things that I’m cooking for without asking me.” She snaps, that tension that has been creeping up her spine there and very prominent. Lexa doesn’t entirely understand that though, since Costia should have a bit of an automatic invite, since it’s happening in her apartment.

But Raven and Anya have been fighting a lot lately; it’s been difficult to be around. Personally, she was going to do this part alone, but she figured she’d have a few boxes and would need to borrow Anya’s car to get them home. She hadn’t anticipated on listening to her sister and her friend tensely bicker back and forth about the smallest of things.

If she wanted to listen to couples’ bicker, she’d just get back together with Clarke.

“An, can you take that box to the car for me?” She attempts to distract them.

Raven’s jaw clenches but she doesn’t say anything else and goes back to examining the books on the shelf in the same fashion that Lexa had been. Anya doesn’t hesitate for very long though, picking the box right back up from where she had set it on the counter and disappearing out the front door before saying anything else.

“Sorry Lexa.” Raven says quietly. “Of course she can come, it’s her apartment after all.”

“It’s alright if you don’t want her too. You don’t even have to cook tonight. It was really nice of you to offer, but I do have a lot of work to do and-”

“You’re always working, you’d never eat dinner if one of us wasn’t feeding you.” Raven gives her a warm smile that looks a little like it hurts. “It’s just… she does that all the time.”

“What?”

“Agrees to things without asking me first. We’ve talked about it so many times and she still does it.”

“I think she just thought it was a given because it’s Cos.”

“I know.” Raven swallows slightly. “I doubt you want to listen to our problems right now though huh?”

Lexa smiles warmly at her friend, pulling herself from her old familiar couch and stepping across the space to pull Raven into a hug that she must have not been expecting because she squeaks slightly in surprise and hesitates before hugging her back. “I’ve always got time to listen to your relationship drama.” She kisses her friend’s cheek and takes the book in her hands as she backs away from her to toss it into the donation box.

“Lexa,”

“I’m fine, please stop asking.” She squeezes her friend’s arm and picks up the donation box. “And don’t carry anything. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re in pain today.”

Raven huffs at that, whatever she had been planning to say before seemingly slipping her mind or maybe she’s just saving it for another day, being able to understand that Lexa isn’t quite in the mood for it right now. “I can still carry stuff. I’m not helpless.”

“No. But I am a good friend, a great friend even, so your only task for the rest of the day is making really good food.”

She huffs but a small smile stretches onto her face, and it pleases Lexa greatly. “I think I can handle that.”

“I know you can.”

…

“Fuck!” Lexa says abruptly, ripping her phone out of her pocket and making her sister in the driver seat beside her jump, eyes widening as she glances over at her before quickly reverting to the road.

Raven must jump behind her too because she feels an answering thud against the back of her seat. “What, who died, did we forget something!?” She questions in a panic, popping up into the space above the center console, shoulders brushing with both Anya and Lexa’s.

“No, I forgot to answer Costia.” She grumbles and opens the thread again. Costia hadn’t inquired again, the last message she sent still just sits unanswered in her phone, but noticeably read.

Hopefully she isn’t overthinking that, Costia could sometimes spiral about this kind of thing. “You really had me stressed out for that?” Raven glares at her and then leans back into her seat, leaving the space above the center console empty.

Anya glares at her too, but she ignores it as she types.

Lexa (5:40 P.M.): Yes, you’re invited. Obviously.

Costia (5:40 P.M.): I’m just checking :)

Lexa clicks her phone shut. “Does Costia still have that huge crush on you?” She hears Raven ask from behind her.

Lexa rolls her eyes. “No.”

“Probably.” Anya says at the same time and then she’s glaring at her sister. “What?”  This isn’t the first time Raven’s brought it up. She’s done it a few times, a bit bitterly even. She doesn’t like that Lexa is such close friends with her. She doesn’t actually ever say that out loud, but Lexa could always tell by the way she’d respond when the topic of Costia came up. She knows before it was out of loyalty to her best friend Clarke… now she doesn’t really know if Raven has a reason or if it’s just habit.

“I bet she does.” Raven taps her fingers against the window as Lexa opts for turning on some music, she’d much rather not discuss that possibility right now. She’s pretty sure they’re both wrong though.

The pair seems to take the hint about the topic since they don’t further it, pulling into the parking lot to Lexa’s apartment complex after an extended period of silence only filled with the soft fluttery sounds of music coming through the car speakers. The energy in the car is a bit awkward. Raven and Anya are a somewhat tense, and Lexa hasn’t been in the best mood for the last few months, so it’s a welcome relief when Lexa can finally step out of the car, feeling a little more than suffocated.

Costia isn’t there when she unlocks the door to let in Raven and her sister. She figures she’s still not quite finished grocery shopping, or she’s possibly stuck in traffic. She works downtown so she’s always coming home mid-rush hour.

This apartment just feels quieter than her old one that she lived in with Clarke. Though Clarke still lives there, this place is a bit nicer structurally. Costia is a bit neater of a person as well, she’s always cleaning every Saturday, even if Lexa had cleaned a day or two prior. She’s organized and scheduled, and they don’t have any neighbors that bang on the wall at the slightest noise they could make.

Her and Costia are quiet though, they’ve always been pretty quiet, so she doubts that even if they did have those kinds of neighbors that they would knock very often.

She had been the perfect roommate in college because of that. Lexa wasn’t much of a talker and preferred spending a lot of her spare time consumed in her study habits and Costia kind of just got that. Most of their dorm room experiences had involved their shared space being quiet, full of independent study time and co-habitation.

Maybe that’s why she had gone to Costia’s doorstep when she needed somewhere to go and not Anya’s.

3 Months Ago

“Lex?” Costia asks, rubbing her eyes tiredly, soft dark skin highlighted only by the lonely hallway light behind Lexa as she stands before her in the doorway of her apartment, her brown eyes puffy from sleep, Lexa’s green one’s puffy from crying. It was around three in the morning; the last time Lexa had actually seen Costia was maybe three weeks prior for a coffee date. She hadn’t been very pleasant company then, but Costia was the closest thing she had to a best friend that was not intertwined in basically any part of her life that involved her girlfriend at the time, Clarke.

Costia was just for her.

“Sorry, I know it’s late, I-” She swallows, voice shaking, heart still feeling abandoned somewhere in the street. Her fingers shake as she tangles them together, looking down at her shoes, one of them with laces dangerously loose to falling apart, much like she felt.

“What happened?” Costia asks softly. Her tone full of warm concern.

When Lexa looks up, she feels it’s pretty hard to not cry. “It’s just…” She sniffles and wipes her nose on her sleeve. “Can I sleep here?”

At the sight of Lexa falling apart in front of her, the girl is quick to respond, pulling the door open widely and tugging at Lexa’s sleeve to pull her past the threshold. “Of course, you can sweetheart, what’s wrong?” She answers so carefully, almost like she already knows.

The last time Costia had seen her like this had been four years ago when Clarke had dumped her for the first time. “I…I don’t wanna talk about it.” She croaks softly and starts wiping at her face, hoping she at least doesn’t look as pathetic as she feels.

Costia nods her head, clicking the door shut softly and turning the lock. “You can take my bed, I’ll-”

“I don’t want to be alone, is that okay?” She asks brokenly, her eyes feel too wide as she looks at Costia, almost like she’s begging. Whatever Costia sees there, it must be convincing because she leans up, just barely and brushes her fingertips against Lexa’s cheek to rid her of her tears.

“That’s perfectly okay.” She answers. “Come on, lets get ready for bed then. Did you bring anything to sleep in?” She asks, noticing the backpack on Lexa’s shoulders.

Costia herself is draped in a long sleeve sweater that pulls off one of her shoulders, it’s way too big for her. Lexa thinks she can remember it being from an ex-girlfriend, but she can’t be sure about that. It’s likely though since Costia has a history at this point of stealing clothes from exes and never returning them after they break up.

“I… I didn’t think about it I just-”

“Hey, that’s okay.” She mutters so delicately, like Lexa’s as fragile as glass. She must look it right now. “Come on, I’ve still got things that are yours from college.”

“Thief.” Lexa mumbles, wiping her nose on her sleeve again and smiling just barely when Costia chuckles.

“Here.” Costia offers up her hand and Lexa takes it gently, letting Costia lead her down the hallway and into her room. The window is cracked open, letting the breeze from the night air in, the streetlamps flickering in as well and giving the room a soft glow. The light flows softly across Costia’s skin as she stands at her closet and rifles through it.

She feels bad for having woken her, though Costia never had much trouble sleeping so she figures it won’t be too difficult for her to find it again once they’ve both settled in. That makes her feel marginally less guilty. She’s not really used to staying with someone that sleeps through the night anymore though, so she’s already anticipating the jarring difference in not feeling the bed lift of weight randomly.

“I think this t-shirt is big enough you don’t have to wear pants if you don’t like.” Costia doesn’t look at her as she reaches out her arm behind her. “I know how you don’t really like that anyway; I don’t have any sleep shorts of yours, so you’d have to borrow from me if you want it.”

“I’m sure this is fine.” Lexa says quietly as she takes the shirt, fingers brushing against Costia’s on accident. Her fingers are cold, and Costia seems to jump at the contact and turns to look at her properly. She can’t see her very well in the dark of the room, but her expression morphs from concern to something else very briefly before returning to concern.

Lexa is too tired and honestly too upset to examine it. “I’ll step out, just call when you finish changing.”

“Actually.” Lexa reaches out for her but her hand falls before it makes contact, not wanting to touch her abruptly without permission. “Can you stay and just turn around or something?” She asks shyly, a state she hasn’t been in for a few years. She’s always been a bit shy but it’s a shell she’s kind of broken out of after college.

But right now, in this moment, she’s feeling quite young and vulnerable. “Sure.” Costia answers gently and does as Lexa asked, though she steps over to the bed to play with the ends of her comforter which she must have thrown off in a rush, because it spills over the end of the bed messily.

Lexa blinks to break her gaze from watching her and pulls herself into the motions of changing, tugging off the sweater and jeans she had come in. She hadn’t been wearing a bra when she had thrown on clothes to leave, so she doesn’t have to worry about that as she tugs the shirt on. It falls mid-thigh, proving Costia right about being long enough to forgo pants.

“Do you want me to shut the window? I know you get cold easy.” Costia’s voice breaks the quiet of the room, though her tone is almost at a whisper, like she’s trying really hard to be as quiet as possible.

“No, it’s okay.” Costia is the opposite, she’s normally always warm. “You can turn around now.” Lexa sniffles slightly and Costia listens to her, the streetlamp light catches in the softness of her eyes and it’s comforting to look into them, the light brown color swirling with all the care and concern Costia has always had for Lexa.

It’s nice, she needs this right now. “You sure you’re okay with sharing?” Costia asks carefully because the last time they had shared a bed and Clarke had found out about it she had been pretty upset, even though nothing had happened. Clarke was only mad because they had been fighting a lot more and Costia always made her feel a little insecure, no matter how many times Lexa would reassure her that her feelings for Costia were strictly platonic.

She guesses she doesn’t have to worry about that anymore. “Yeah, I just… I don’t think I can sleep alone.” She stops meeting Costia’s eyes as she admits to that. “If that’s okay.”

“Alright, just tell me how to make you comfortable, I’ll do it.” Costia starts adjusting the comforter for her so it’s no longer nearly on the floor. “Which side?”

“Right.” She fluffs up the pillows on the right side after Lexa answers and then motions for Lexa to get into the bed.

She listens laying down and feeling unsure and off in someone else’s bed and not her own, not with Clarke. She frowns as she thinks it and tries not to think about it, about her, as Costia rounds the bed and climbs in on the left side. “Lexa, more space or none?” She had only ever asked her that three times in their whole friendship, normally during Lexa’s random bouts of anxiety that she’d get in front of her. Only once had she asked in a scenario similar to this, where they lay in the same bed.

“None.” She says and Costia listens immediately, closing the distance between them and promptly pulling Lexa into her arms, like it’s routine, like they’ve done this a thousand times even though they’ve only ever done this once and even then, it wasn’t quite like this. Lexa lets herself sink into it though, just for now, the comfort of Costia’s touch as she squeezes arms around her waist and presses her cheek into the back of Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa starts to cry again and squeezes at Costia’s arms that are around her. “You can let it out.” Costia mumbles into her shoulder. “I’m right here, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” And Lexa does. She listens and cries and Costia holds her and eventually, after she’s cried herself out, she falls asleep in the arms of her best friend and tries not to wish they were her arms instead.

Present

“Lexa, come on, I said, do you know when she gets home?” Lexa blinks out of her daze for a second, before shaking her head, letting one of the boxes fall with a thud onto the floor. Her downstairs neighbors might not appreciate that, but no one has complained yet, so she figures it’ll be fine.

“Um, probably soon, she normally gets back around seven, but I think she left early if she went to the grocery store already.”

“Alright, so I should start dinner now then.” Raven decides and bounds off into the kitchen, though she moves a bit slower than normal, obvious tension in her leg that’s still bothering her. She has half a mind to try and convince her they should just get takeout.

“Don’t you need to wait for her anyway?” Lexa asks, following her as she sees her sister snatch up the box that she had thumped onto the ground to glance through it. She’s probably looking for the keep books so she can put them away for her, which Lexa really appreciates so she’ll have to tell her that later.

“You said you have the pasta, right?”

“Yeah, top shelf.” Lexa points at the one by the fridge and Raven leans up to open it, wincing slightly. “Maybe you should just sit down, we can order in.”

“I’m fine Lexa, really. Let me cook so I don’t feel useless.”

With a slight sigh, Lexa gives her a nod. “Okay.”

“How are you really doing?” Raven starts swinging open cupboards to find pans and Lexa carefully guides her to the right locations with her hands without saying anything. When Raven gives her a look, she just shrugs.

“I’m fine.” She’s sort of lying but it’s not a complete lie. The first month had been the hardest, the second wasn’t great, but this one. She feels like she’s getting back into normal routines again, though her life still feels disrupted. Sometimes it feels like it’s paused. But than again, she had planned to marry someone that she now hadn’t seen in three months or spoken too in two. She supposes anyone would feel a little… unsettled.

“Well, you don’t look like shit, so I guess I’m inclined to believe you.” Raven sighs as she fills the pot she grabbed with a bit of water.

“Wow, thanks Rae, that’s really nice of you to say.” Lexa teases somewhat warmly and feels herself smiling at Raven’s answering snort.

“At least tell me how the new position is going?”

Lexa groans. “I hate it.” She says honestly and moves to the fridge to pull the door open. “Do you want a beer?”

“God, I would love one.”

“Anya do you want a beer!?” Lexa yells and Raven flinches slightly but only chuckles when Lexa mouths “sorry” at her.

“Please!”

“Why do you hate it?”

“There’s this girl that works there. I’m supposed to be working with her on a case. You know I take cases exclusively to do with children, everyone knows that, but she keeps insisting that I don’t even know what a child is. I think she might be homophobic.”

“Is she really, or is she just annoying you?” Raven teases.

“Can’t it be both?” She hands Raven an open beer before sipping at her own and then working the lid off another for her sister.

Thankfully she doesn’t have to leave to hand it to her since the older girl comes in at the right time, snatching the freshly opened beer out of Lexa’s hand and sighing happily the moment she’s able to drink it. “I know exactly who you’re talking about. I’m convinced she wants to sleep with you though.”

“She does not!” Lexa gasps scandalized and Raven starts giggling as she’s preparing seasonings.

“I went to visit Lexa at her office last week to drop off lunch and the girl was sitting on her desk all suggestively. It was really very obvious.” Lexa’s cheeks color as she recalls the exact moment Anya is talking about.

“Maybe she’s annoying you because she likes you and she just never graduated fifth grade.” Raven says, tone still somewhat giggly as she sips at her own beer.

“She’s twenty-six, I’m sure that’s definitely not the case.”

“Or maybe she thinks it’s hot when you’re mad.” Anya applies a bit more reason even though that one also lacks any actual possibility.

“Or maybe she’s just a stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s better at my job than I am and can’t stand that she’s not getting to take the lead.”

“Yeah, or maybe that.” Anya says with a snicker and Raven giggles again. The energy of it is contagious enough that it has Lexa smiling.

It’s while they’re in the middle of a conversation like this that Costia finally comes home, the front door opening a bit too hard and slamming against the wall. Costia’s soft voice squeaking a delicate “oops” as she comes in fumbling over several plastic bags attached to her arms.

Lexa moves out of the kitchen to help her, taking at least three off her hands. “You could have texted for help.” She scolds her friend gently, though Costia just waves her off with her now freed up hand.

“Nothing I can’t handle. I didn’t have you around before.” She teases warmly, brown eyes holding a soft twinkle. She looks to be in a really good mood, which is good. Costia often comes back from her workdays fairly happy, but today she’s glowing a bit.

Lexa means to ask but before she can Anya is coming around the corner to help free up Costia’s other arm. “Cos, Lexa works out five out of seven days of the week, you should probably take advantage of it while you can.” Anya jokes and Costia laughs, warm and full.

She’s all glowy, it makes Lexa more than curious. “Trust me, I’m aware. But she’s so busy and doesn’t eat enough, she’ll pass out doing all the housework.”

“I would not.” Lexa pouts slightly, crossing her arms along her chest in protest. The plastic bags in her arms crinkling as they’re adjusted to the new position.

“She does have a point about your eating habits.”

“I just forget to eat, I’m busy.”

“You won’t be forgetting tonight. Nice to see you, Costia.” Raven says, tone overly friendly, like she might be overcompensating.

It doesn’t seem to bother Costia though as she offers over a kind smile. “You too, do you need any help?”

“Yeah, Cos is a pretty good cook.” Anya says as she looks at Raven, advocating for her friend.

This seems to slightly annoy Raven though Lexa thinks she’s not obvious about it. She just knows Raven pretty well by this point, Costia isn’t bound to notice the change in her shoulders, which is good. She doesn’t want Costia to feel uncomfortable in her own home because Raven simply doesn’t like her for no real reason at all.

Raven’s never been mean, she’s excellent at being civil when times call for it really, so she’s never had to have a conversation with her about it before. She doesn’t think she’ll have to start now either. “No, I’ve got it. Thanks for picking up the things on my list.”

“Yeah sure.” Costia says, and touches Lexa’s waist briefly just to get her to move out of her way so she can make her way through the apartment, probably so she can change and settle in after a long day of teaching.

“We’ll put everything away, okay?” Lexa offers softly and smiles when Costia smiles at her.

“Thanks, Lex.” Then she’s disappearing. Lexa watches her go but springs into action once she’s gone and all three of them move back to the kitchen.

“I’ll show you where things go.”

“Mhm.” Anya says but her tone is suddenly suspicious and when Lexa looks up at her sister and even at Raven, they’re watching her very curiously.

“What?” She says unsurely, wondering if she’s given off a certain vibe on accident or something, if they’re going to ask her how she is again or about Clarke. She’s not quite in the mood for that, she’s been having an okay day. Honestly, she’s pretty focused on dinner right now, the last thing she wants is to have to reassure them she’s fine again or have a conversation about her ex.

All she really knows though is that her anxiety is spiking. “Nothing.” Raven shrugs, but her jaw clenches with sudden tension as she moves to sift through grocery bags to find the stuff that she had requested that Costia picked up. Lexa thinks she must have done something to upset her, but she can’t be sure what that could have been in the span of only a few minutes.

“Can I speak to you for a second, Lex?” Anya doesn’t wait for her to agree and grabs Lexa wrist to pull her out of the kitchen. She grumbles when they stop by the television, as if there’s some secret conversation that needs to be had.

She’s kind of feeling like she wants to throw up. “What did I do?”

“Nothing.” Anya checks her over carefully. “You said you haven’t been seeing anyone right?”

Suddenly confused, Lexa steps away from her sister a tad. “No, why?”

“It’s just because you’re still getting over the breakup, right? Not because of maybe… something else?” Anya’s eyebrow lifts slightly, looking curious. She has no idea what her sister might be talking about, her own confusion is probably obvious as she’s sifting through her own brain, though it stays pretty blank around a topic like this, that feels so out of the blue and random.

“What else is there?” She feels severally out of the loop, which is kind of frustrating since it seems to be about her own life.

“Raven thinks…” Anya seems to hesitate and it only spikes Lexa’s anxiety more. “Raven thinks maybe you and Cos are… well…” Anya motions her hands vaguely around, and it takes Lexa a long time to realize what she’s implying, just sitting around waiting for her to finish her sentence.

She never does and Lexa frowns. “Oh.” And then her eyes widen. “Oh!” She shakes her head. “No, no way.” Then she’s giggling. “Is that what Raven’s problem is today?” She can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Raven being tense and annoyed at her because she thinks Lexa’s moved on too quickly with Costia?

“Well, sort of, yes and no.” Anya sighs. “I just thought. I mean Raven can’t be unbiased, but I can. Though maybe, Cos isn’t the best rebound you know because she’s your friend and-”

“You know I don’t like to rebound An, it makes me feel guilty.” Lexa then finds herself laughing. “I can’t believe she thinks that.” She finds herself combing through her own memory, searching for moments that Raven’s been in the same vicinity as her and Costia since the breakup and trying to pluck out any that might stand out to lead Raven to such a weird conclusion.

Anya doesn’t seem to agree with this though. “Why are you acting like it’s out of left field, she’s had a crush on you before.” Her sister crosses her arms along her chest, a slight roll to her eyes when Lexa only seems marginally more amused by the comment.

“Four years ago, and she got over it beside I never saw her like that, well, not really anyways. Rae is being ridiculous. I’ll go tell her that actually.”

Anya grabs her wrist as she goes to leave. “Wait.” Lexa stops and looks at her, not quite enjoying the way her sister has grown serious yet again. “You just… you watch her leave rooms.”

Lexa raises an eyebrow at her. “Huh?”

Anya sighs heavily, like it takes a lot of effort to have to repeat herself. “You watch her leave before you do anything else. That’s why she thought that.” Somehow, that explanation does not make the assumptions that both Raven and her sister have come to any clearer. In fact, it makes it almost more laughable.

“Don’t be silly.” Lexa pulls her wrist from her sister’s grip. “Costia is like… my best friend and I’m just a polite person. You and Raven should try it some time.” She says lightheartedly and smiles when Anya releases a bit of a chuckle.

“It would be okay though, you know, if you like… had a bit of a crush on her. It would be healthy.” Anya says it nonchalantly, but she’s got that tone that she gets when she’s trying to get Lexa to admit to something.

This just proves that Anya isn’t right about everything like the blonde likes to think she is. “I promise, the moment I get a crush on someone, I’ll tell you about it. You don’t have to worry. I’m really doing okay. I mean, sometimes I’m not but, for the most part.” She shrugs and Anya nods her head after a moment of taking this information in.

She doesn’t seem like she’s going to push the topic anymore, and even looks like she believes Lexa. Which is good, because the last thing she needs is her sister hinting at something like that and making Costia uncomfortable. Her friend has already been nice enough to let her move in and stay with her, she doesn’t need to be repaid in harassment, or to feel intruded upon. “I’ll talk to Raven about it okay, let’s just forget it for the rest of the night and have a nice dinner.”

“Yeah. I agree.” Lexa shakes her head, finding herself laughing a bit at the irrationality of it all before she wanders back into the kitchen to finish putting the groceries Raven hasn’t strewn across the counter away.

Chapter Text

Costia pulls on one of her favorite sweaters to relax in, a long black sleeve knitted one where the sleeves go down past her hands and as she’s pulling her head through the top her eyes catch on something different in the room. She tilts her head curiously at a box she’s never seen before sitting in her desk chair. She knew that Lexa was packing some stuff up today from her old place, but this box doesn’t have her name on it. Instead, in scrawling writing that’s not Lexa’s on the side of the box, Clarke.

Costia finds herself glancing at the door, though she knows that nobody is bound to enter and stop her from being nosy. She tiptoes across the space anyways and tries to mentally talk herself out of it even as her hands pull at the edges of the box to unfold it. Cardboard edges fall to the side and she’s peeking into a box full of notebooks and art utensils and drawings and even some framed pictures that she can’t make out too well without picking them up.

“What are you doing?” She scolds herself quietly and immediately folds the box back closed, shaking her head and walking away from it.

Lexa would not approve of her snooping into her things and why should she? She doesn’t need to be doing that. If for no other reason morally, for the sake of her own heart at least which has borne witness to Clarke and Lexa’s entire relationship for the last four years and doesn’t need any more of it.

Though she’s sure this break up isn’t permanent and that Lexa will probably end up with the blonde girl in the future, she can presently pretend the opposite since Lexa is in her house with all her things and currently doesn’t even have her own bed, so she’s occupied the right side of Costia’s mattress every night for the last few months.

It’s probably unhealthy really, she knows the time limit on this arrangement is ticking. She already has plans to talk to Lexa about converting the office space down the opposite end of the hallway from her bedroom that she never uses into her room, even though it’s kind of small and doesn’t have its own bathroom. She knows, logically, Lexa cannot sleep in her bed every night with her forever. But she’s trying to savor it a bit, even if she finds it a bit pathetic of herself.

She kind of thought this crush was at least buried far enough now that it didn’t have the capability of completely unraveling her at the simplest of Lexa’s smiles or tears.

She thinks it’s the cuddling, probably.

The last time she had someone to cuddle was a few years ago, and even then, that hadn’t lasted that long. She’s never had much trouble sleeping but Lexa brings something else to sleep. It’s a level of comfort she’s only ever seen on the outside looking in. She’s never had it, and Lexa is kind of an affectionate teddy bear when she’s comfortable.

That’s something Costia feels like shouldn’t surprise her after living with the girl in college for a while before she finally moved into Clarke’s place their final year, but it still does. They didn’t have many cuddle sessions back then and Lexa has always been picky about touch. Though she figures then Lexa hadn’t been single and needy for the attention she was so apparently used to getting now either.

It made her all the more jealous of Clarke, who has once again, thrown it all away for reasons Costia can’t even seem to fathom. Lexa has told her the breakup was mutual, but she was there for the first one. She somehow doubts that was the entire truth.

Scoffing slightly and realizing she’s been losing herself in her head, standing pants-less in the middle of her room she springs back into action. No doubt dinner will be ready soon, and though Raven has been offering her less then subtle glares whenever they’re in the same room, she is quite hungry. She doesn’t think Raven’s the kind of person to poison her food or anything.

She squeaks when the door abruptly opens just as she’s tugging on a pair of sweatpants but is relieved to see it’s just Lexa and not her sister. Lexa blushes the moment she realizes what she’s walked in on and abruptly turns around as if she’s never seen Costia change before. “I’m so sorry.” She says adorably as Costia finishes tugging her sweatpants all the way up.

Lexa’s thick curly brown hair is braided down her back, her skin paler than normal from spending less time in the sun and a lot more time in an office. She’s wearing one of those kind of business-y button up green shirts that now litter Costia’s closet. She likes those shirts, simply because they’re kind of tight around Lexa’s arms and always show off the muscles around her biceps, though she tries not to ogle too much.

“It’s okay, Lexa.” She says with amusement as the brunette turns around with hands over her eyes.

“I should have knocked.” She mumbles shyly, blindly walking forward to her side of the bed on memory from where it is from the door alone.

“You can look now.” She can’t help the slight amusement from coloring her tone as Lexa’s hands drop from her eyes, her cheeks still colored a soft shade of pink. She’s always been a bit of a blusher, Costia’s always liked that about her.

“I was just trying to get-” Lexa stops talking as she leans forward to grab something off the nightstand on her side of the bed. Well, not her side of the bed, her temporary side of the bed. Yeah, Costia really has to remember to think about that word more often, temporary. “I didn’t mean to encroach on your space.” Costia can’t help it, she laughs.

Lexa sleeps in her bed, has half her closet and just moved an endless number of things she owns into her apartment. It’s safe to say she should be long passed worried about that. “It’s fine, Lexa.” She grabs her own phone off the bed where she had set it to push it into the pocket of her sweatpants.

Lexa nods, a shy smile gracing plump lips that Costia finds a bit distracting, but she tries to be reasonable and not stare at them. Lucky for her, if her crush is going to start to be as annoyingly persistent and obvious like it was back in college, Lexa is at least oblivious. She’s pretty sure Lexa would talk herself out of Costia ever having had a crush on her in the first place if she hadn’t come out and basically admitted it to her once.

Lexa goes for the door but stops suddenly and turns back around, a bit too abruptly because Costia had been going to follow her out and the abrupt stop causes her to nearly bump right up against her. She nearly falls as she attempts to not collide, but Lexa’s reflexes are quick, arm snaking around her waist to steady her and the air is knocked from Costia’s lungs just the same.

She knows for Lexa; this is just simply her helping a friend not humiliate herself and fall on her face. But for Costia… god, this is making her have a heart attack.

She struggles out of Lexa’s grip, though Lexa is quick to release her the moment she starts stepping back with regained balance. “Careful.” Lexa teases lightheartedly, oblivious to the sudden gay panic she’s put Costia in.

She sucks in a breath and hopes she sounds natural. “Did you forget something else?” She’ll have to scold herself later for the slight octave raise of her own voice.

She’s so lucky that Lexa is the most useless of all lesbians, she’s bound to never notice, which is great because this would just be embarrassing for Costia. To not only form an unrequited crush on her roommate and best friend once but twice, yeah, she’s entered a new level of pitiful.

“No, I just wanted to ask how your day was?” Lexa distracts her from her own thoughts, a warm smile back on her plump mouth and Costia knows her eyes dip but hopefully she catches herself fast enough that Lexa doesn’t notice.

She doesn’t seem too as the soft greenness of her eyes twinkle into her own, patient as she waits on her answer. “Very good.” She says after gaining some composure and her stupid racing heart finally starts to slow back to a reasonable beat. She clears her throat. “My boss asked me to do the new mural in the front of the school.”

Something that she’s really not used to anymore is sharing things with someone else, but Lexa’s features light up with so much excitement for her that it makes her heart ache just a bit. She realizes that sharing is actually something she might have missed the most since she last lived with Lexa. “That’s great!” And then Lexa is sucking the air from her lungs again as she presses her body into Costia’s and pulls her into a tight hug. They’re almost the same height, but Costia is just a fraction shorter than Lexa that her chin always slots comfortably on Lexa’s shoulder when she hugs her like this. “Do you have any ideas?”

Costia has to force herself to pull back from Lexa and let her go. “A few, I’ll show you later?”

“Please.” Lexa loves art. She’s not the best at making it, but she’s got such a soft spot for it. She can spend hours in museums, it’s kind of pretentious really. But Lexa’s a documentary at midnight kind of person and Costia is annoyed at herself for liking that about her too.

She likes almost everything about Lexa, really. She knows for a fact that’s why Raven doesn’t like her, but she’s not delusional and Raven shouldn’t be either. She’s well aware Lexa will never return her feelings, she never has before. Even if Lexa is single now, she’s sure that’s not going to change anything.

“Did you guys die in here?” Anya pops her head around the corner and both her and Lexa turn to look at her at the same time.

“We’re coming.” Lexa says, offers Costia a smile reserved for her that shouldn’t make her feel so special, but it does, and turns to leave the room.

She avoids meeting Anya’s eyeline since she’s shooting her a knowing look and she’s really not in the mood for a possible lecture or a dissection of her feelings any time soon so she’s going to have to work on how obvious she’s being, even if she’s not entirely in control of it. Besides, Raven is also around a lot and Anya tells Raven everything now so she can’t entirely trust to even have a conversation about it with her without giving Raven even more reason to be irrationally angry with her.

Something Costia hadn’t anticipated was the awkwardness that would accompany dinner, and it’s not just from Raven’s cold shoulder toward her. Actually, really, it’s not that at all but mostly between Raven and Anya.

During one part of dinner the pair is stuck in a low toned bickering match as if they’re trying to argue privately while at the dinner table and she exchanges uncomfortable glances with Lexa the entire time like they can communicate telepathically while they both try to pretend that they aren’t listening, even though they sit next to them without starting a conversation of their own.

After a bit of time passes, they stop bickering, seeming to notice that Lexa and Costia are rather quiet, and they both seem a bit embarrassed about it which does nothing to help the awkwardness of the evening. Really, Costia had anticipated all the awkwardness coming from Raven giving her backhanded compliments then something like this. Clearly there’s more going on in their lives than she had initially thought.

But then again, despite her reaching out, she hadn’t seen Anya very often since her and Raven started dating four years ago. There had been an adjustment to friend groups back then, some lives intertwining while some others just disappeared. She and Lexa got closer, but their time together became limited when she moved out, and with that, went Anya too. She saw Lexa very little, despite being the girl’s best friend, she saw Anya even less. So why would she be in the loop?

She checks on Lexa halfway through dinner to make sure she’s doing okay, since she knows how the brunette doesn’t like it when Raven and her sister fight since she’s so close to them, but she seems fine, preoccupied with something on her phone so Costia doesn’t worry too much about having to provide her with comfort.

She’s so grateful when the buzzer sounds in their apartment, hinting at a guest, that she nearly cheers out loud as she scraps the chair back against the hardwood floor of the apartment, standing abruptly. “I’ll just go get that.” She says, the air in the room feeling suffocating and awkward enough to make her skin crawl.

Lexa looks up from her phone, expressive eyes hinting that she feels abandoned in the room with just the three of them left at the table together, but Costia figures she’s spent all day with this. She can handle another moment alone with them. She’s closer with Raven too, so its still bound to be more comfortable for her anyways.

Besides, it’s not like she’s putting a wall between them, the front door is only across the room from the table they set up. She tries not to trip over her own feet in her rush to escape and moves as casually as she can manage to the front door, hitting the intercom button. “Who is it?”

“It’s me bitch, let me up, it’s raining.” Luna’s voice crackles over the speaker and Costia lets out another breath of relief.

She could use another friend, one that she knew pretty well and saw quite frequently.

She buzzes her in and unlocks the door, waiting beside it until Luna is pushing it open, huffing loudly. “You would not believe the absolute shit day that I’ve had.” She grumbles, lush curly hair frizzing slightly from the rainwater.

“Tell me when you don’t have one of those?” Costia teases as she shuts the door behind her friend, locking it.

Luna rolls her eyes at her but it’s playful, the corners of her mouth tilting up in a slight smile. She seems to go to speak but gets distracted by the table set up across the room and the other three people suddenly staring at her. “Oh, you have guests, and Lexa’s home. I thought you were moving out or something today?”

“Of my other place.” Lexa offers up not unkindly. “Are you hungry?” She makes a gesture with her hand at the food on the table and doesn’t seem to take notice of the way Anya shifts in her seat at the invitation. Costia may have missed it too if she wasn’t standing far enough away from them to be able to take in the whole table with one glance.

She still hopes Luna’s presences will ease Anya and Raven’s tension a little bit. “Yeah, please join us and talk about your shit day.” Costia tries not to sound like she’s begging but by the way Luna raises an eyebrow up at her, she guesses she fails.

“Fine by me, I’m starving, I drove straight here from work.” Luna happily moves across the space toward the dining table they set up earlier in the living room. They’d have to take it down when everyone left, not enough room for it to stay up and not look cluttered. “Wait, did you get the mural?” Luna asks as she’s plopping in a seat next to Raven.

Costia is reluctantly sitting back down, about to answer but Lexa speaks up for her. “Yeah, she did!” She says excitedly and it makes Costia feel warm all over, she’s sure the brown of her cheeks color pink slightly and by the dirty look Raven sends in her direction she must be right, but she still hopes it’s not too noticeable.

Luna grins widely at her. “Where’s the wine?”

“I’ll get it.” Lexa suddenly has energy; she’s never seen Lexa be so happy for her about something like this before and it’s making her heart ache again, but she tries to ignore it and focuses on Luna.

“I’m thinking of using that design I showed you last weekend.”

“That one was my favorite.” Luna agrees as she scoops things onto her plate. Costia tries not to notice how quiet Raven and Anya are being, but it’s somehow made the energy in the room feel even more awkward than it was before.

Anya is friends with Luna, or at least, she used to be, but they’ve become kind of estranged these last few years so that must be why she looks even more tense than she did before. Raven and Luna, well, she didn’t think they were ever friends so it’s not too odd for her to be a bit quiet around her she supposes.

“Do you guys want some?” Lexa asks Raven and Anya as she appears by Costia’s side with the wine, it’s her favorite brand. Lexa must have gone out and got more at some point because she remembers drinking the last of it last month with Lexa during movie night and she knows she didn’t grab any while she was at the store earlier.

The brunette glances at them as she fills a glass for Costia first before she moves to pour one for Luna and herself. “I’ll take some.” Raven answers.

Luna sips at her glass. “I think it’s the kind that you threw up on that one time.” Her curly haired friend chuckles at a memory Costia has never heard about before, feeling a bit of surprise at that. She doesn’t remember Raven and Luna ever hanging out, even after their separate friend groups started intertwining a little bit when people started dating each other.

Raven doesn’t look confused though, her nose wrinkling up. “Never mind.” She waves the wine off and Lexa sets the glass she had filled down beside Anya instead.

“What time is that?” Anya asks curiously, her tone sounds light, but she’s been tense all dinner so she kind of looks annoyed while she asks the question.

Costia isn’t entirely sure that she’s not angry, she looks a bit angry, but Anya also has a resting bitch face so she’s not entirely sure.

“Like junior year of college, before we were even, you know.” Raven mumbles quietly, and looks somewhat like she’s hiding something, a guilty expression crossing her features as Luna chuckles beside her and sips her own wine.

“Yeah, that was the second time we hooked up I think, you were sneaking around our hall.” Costia blinks surprise at Luna but Luna isn’t looking at her, seemingly amused by the walk down memory lane she’s having. Why has she never told her about this?

“You what?” Anya says tensely and Luna seems to realize she may have said something she shouldn’t, sipping at her wine in order to do something else with her mouth than talk.

Costia shrinks in her seat. She never did like when Anya would use that tone. She glances at Lexa, who glances at her, and she feels like Lexa just gets her right now as the brunette somewhat sinks in her seat as well.

“Right about that-”

“You hooked up with someone in my old friend group before me and never told me about it?” Costia isn’t sure if Anya is actually mad about this or if she’s just mad in general, her jaw tensing, her shoulders squaring and the hazel of her eyes looking a bit dangerous.

“I mean, it was meaningless, so I didn’t feel like it was that important.”

“If it wasn’t important, why wouldn’t you tell me about it?”

Luna chooses to speak up and Costia thinks she’s either really brave or really stupid. She’s known her friend quite a while now; she figures maybe it’s actually both. “It was only a few times, back before I even knew you were interested in her. It didn’t mean anything.”

Anya stands from the table. “I didn’t ask you, did I?” She says, voice hard though she doesn’t yell.

And then she just leaves.

Costia is expecting Raven to go after her, that’s what she’d normally do. But instead, Raven picks up her fork and continues eating, leaning over to grab Anya’s wine and promptly drains it.

“I’m sorry Rae, I didn’t know she-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Raven waves Luna off. “You said you had a shitty day?”

Costia looks at Lexa again who looks at her a bit worriedly, she looks at the door where Anya had left and then is pulling out her phone, probably to call. She stands from the table as well, escaping to their bedroom and Costia watches her go.

She only realizes she’s been staring after her when Luna kicks her under the table. “You listening?” She teases lightly, because Luna is probably the only friend that takes Costia’s crush as lightheartedly as its meant to be. It’s really no harm, except to Costia maybe, her heart is only so tough after all.

“Yeah, maybe you should listen to your friend.” Raven says, her voice having a bit of edge to it.

Costia blushes. “Sorry, go on.”

With Anya gone the suffocating tension in the room left as well. Raven is still out of sorts, and a bit buzzed on wine, but she’s less cranky. Not that it does anything about her attitude toward Costia though, she’s still fairly unpleasant. Costia likes to think she’s not an overly sensitive person though and does her best to brush it off.

Luna takes notice and when Lexa starts cleaning up with Raven assisting her, she’s interrupting Costia before she can offer to help them. “Come sit with me.” Luna grabs her wrist and drags her to the sofa as she watches Lexa and Raven disappear into the kitchen with dirty plates. “I knew you were totally lying by the way.” When she looks away from the doorway to meet her friend’s gaze, she’s got a smug grin on her face.

She frowns, knowing exactly what she’s talking about. “I don’t know what you mean.” She looks away from her as her eyes twinkle mischievously.

“You’re totally crushing.” She glares down at her own hands as she tangles her fingers together nervously, fiddling with her rings, before glancing over her shoulder to make sure Lexa and Raven are still busy in the kitchen. She can hear the water from the sink running, so she figures they aren’t listening to them at least.

“Can you not be so loud for once?” She scolds anyways, having half the mind to press her hand over her friend’s mouth to make absolute sure she’s not going to accidentally humiliate her by talking too much.

“You are the worst at concealing crushes Cos, but I think you should go for it finally.”

“I’m not going for anything, and who says I even have a crush. Maybe you’re bad at being observant.” She knows that’s just simply not true. Well, sometimes Luna is bad at being observant, but she definitely isn’t about this.

“Even if that were true, I’m pretty sure I know you better than almost anyone. You’re watching her the same way you did when she moved in with you the first time. You remember that first day?”

She crosses her arms along her chest defiantly, feeling her cheeks color already. “No.” She lies.

“Yes, you do.” Luna giggles. “She totally had a crush on you too and you should have done something before she got with Clarke.” Luna seems way too confident in that knowledge, but Costia is almost a hundred precent sure she’s misinformed. She doesn’t think Lexa saw anyone but Clarke since she met her when she transferred.

“She did not, and if you don’t recall. I did try, either you and our other friends would end up tagging along or she’d say no.”

“That’s because you weren’t clear enough.” Luna says a bit loudly and now Costia does press her hand to her friend’s mouth just as Raven comes back out to grab some more dishes. She stops at the sight of them, eyeing them suspiciously at their position and Costia quickly lowers her hand.

Luna looks amused though. “Need help?” She asks casually.

Raven just shakes her head before disappearing again with more dishes and another suspicious look over her shoulder. “Are you trying to ruin everything?” Costia whispers dramatically as she takes her eyes off the doorway where Raven had exited, huffing, and crossing her arms along her chest again as she leans back into the sofa.

“Whatever, you’re going to ruin everything if you don’t shoot your shot. Are we in middle school? Do you want me to do it for you?” Luna’s teasing can be a real pain in Costia’s ass sometimes.

“Shut up!” She shoves her and Luna giggles when she almost falls off the couch.

“I’m right.” She states matter of fact like, looking smug enough to make Costia want to shove her again.

“You aren’t. Lexa has never liked me back okay, so just leave it alone.” She clenches her jaw slightly as she looks back down at her lap, tapping her fingers against her arm and focusing on the cold feeling of the rings on her fingers rather than the way that statement stings just a small, tiny bit.

Luna sighs and sinks onto the couch a bit, laying her head on Costia’s shoulder. “You deserve to get the girl.” Luna says affectionately. Costia moves her head to lean on her friend’s, the thick wild curls of her hair tickling her cheek and nearly getting in her eyes.

“I’ll get a girl, just not this one because she doesn’t like me like that and she’s kind of my best friend so just don’t say anything that could maybe make that weird.”

Luna gasps pulling herself into a more upright position and looking at her with wide shocked brown eyes. “I thought I was your best friend.” She presses a hand to her heart dramatically as if she’s been hurt.

Costia snorts, rolling her eyes. “You’re the worst.”

After the dishes are done, Raven says goodbye to Lexa to go home. Luna goes to leave with her and offers to drive her home since Anya had left with the car she came in earlier. Costia feels a little bad for Raven, who does look like she’s kind of exhausted from the day’s events and squeezes Lexa a little tighter when the brunette offers her a hug.

Even if they don’t get a long great, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel bad that she seems so unhappy.

She walks them to the door while Lexa moves about putting the table away and putting the chairs back toward the bar and the small breakfast table in the corner of the room by the door to the kitchen. “Why don’t you go down, give me a second.”

“Are you sure?” Luna asks softly, stuffing hands into her coat pockets.

“Yeah, I’ll be just a minute I want to talk to Lex about something really quick.” Luna shrugs at that explanation, waves at Costia and then is disappearing down the hallway, entering the elevator when it opens just as she reaches it.

Costia goes to move out of Raven’s way to give her room to reach Lexa, but instead Raven reaches forward and pulls Costia outside of the apartment before reaching for the door and shutting it abruptly.

She’s never been scared of Raven before, but she does feel a sense of unease settle over her when she meets the girl’s eyeline. “About Lexa.”

“Uh,” She shifts uncomfortably, arms folding across her torso to try and protect herself from whatever Raven has to say. She has a feeling, by the narrowed eyes and tense posture that this conversation isn’t going to be a friendly one. “What about her?”

“Cut the shit, if you think you can move in on her because she’s vulnerable and heartbroken-”

Costia tenses immediately and doesn’t bother letting Raven finish her sentence. “Why don’t you stop talking before you make a fool of yourself.” She interrupts coldly. “Lexa’s my best friend, I would never do anything to hurt her.” Raven’s jaw clenches. “I doubt your friend can say the same, I’m the one always picking up the pieces of the messes she makes.” She probably didn’t need to say that, but she’s had a bitter resentment for Clarke since the first time she broke Lexa’s heart.

It faded over time but seeing Lexa at her door at three in the morning gave her the worst sense of déjà vu she’s had in a long time.

Raven steps into her space at that but Costia still isn’t afraid of her, just somewhat annoyed. She’s not done anything wrong; she can’t exactly control her feelings for Lexa. “Leave Clarke out of this.”

“Even by the off chance that Lexa might actually be interested in someone else, I don’t think she’d appreciate you trying to scare them off. This clearly isn’t for Lexa, it’s for Clarke. If she’s so afraid of Lexa moving on, why let her go in the first place?”

Raven scoffs and turns away from Costia. She glares at her feet, something swirling in her mind she’s not quite saying, and the uncomfortable silence extends between them for some time before she finally answers. “Because she’s an idiot.” Raven finally huffs and then curses something in Spanish under her breath that Costia doesn’t quite catch. “Lexa’s sadder than she’s admitting too.”

Costia sighs. “I know.”

“So, I need to know that you’re not going to take advantage of the situation, that you have her best interest at heart and your little crush isn’t going to make you stupid.” She feels like Raven is a fraction of a second off from poking her in the chest like they’re on the playground and about to get in a tussle.

Costia rolls her eyes. “As much as I admire your loyalty to your friends, I think your worried about nothing. Lexa’s never been interested in me anyway.” Costia looks away from Raven in hopes she misses the disappointment that statement causes. “Even if she was. We’re friends first, I’m always going to make sure I’m acting in her best interests, and I don’t need you to threaten me to do that.”

Raven shakes her head. “I’m not threatening you.” She sighs and some of the tension in her shoulder’s releases as she skates a hand through long black hair and pushes it out of her face. “I didn’t think they’d break up ever after that first time. I thought-” Raven’s eyes water slightly and Costia’s eyebrows furrow, a slight concern that Raven doesn’t entirely deserve from her right now surfacing.

She never likes it when other people cry. “I know that they’re both your friends, so it must be really hard, feeling like your stuck in the middle of them.” She hesitates, but then reaches out her hand to touch Raven’s arm in an action meant to comfort.

“Everything has been so different and-” She shakes her head. “Whatever, you don’t want to hear about this, just take care of Lexa, okay?” When she asks, it sounds much less accusatory and a lot more emotional than her previous statements.

Costia figures that Raven is really more worried about Lexa than anything else. “You know, Lexa always tells me that it’s really nice that I’m just her friend and not connected to your entire group or whatever. Maybe you should… talk to somebody not as involved with everyone else too?” She isn’t sure if she’s offering or hoping Raven takes her advice and finds someone else.

“Maybe.” The girl pulls away from her, winces slightly and then is bending to adjust her brace. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of a dick today. It’s just a lot.”

Costia licks her lips and adjusts on her feet somewhat nervously. “I get it, sort of.” She offers Raven a half smile and Raven returns it.

“I’ll see you when I see Lexa, I guess.”

“Get home safe.”

“Thanks.” She watches Raven make her way down the hallway and get onto the elevator before she turns the knob to the front door and swings it back open. Lexa is on the couch when she comes back in and looks up at her curiously.

“Did you walk them down?” She asks, a book open in her lap. It doesn’t look like it’s for work, so she must be reading for pleasure which is nice to see. Lexa hasn’t been doing a lot of pleasure-based reading in the last few months. She’s been drowning her sarrows in work mostly, which isn’t unlike Lexa. When something hurts her, she tends to hyper focus on productivity. In college it was work out regimens and increased studying at every turn. Now that she’s working full time, studying has turned to taking on piles and piles of paperwork and cases she can get her hands on, and a different workout regimen that involves lots of cardio.

“No, Raven had some things to say. She seems… sad.” She observes as she walks further into the room. Lexa’s eyes follow her as she squeezes past her knees and the coffee table to take a seat beside her on the couch.

“I think she’s just stressed out.” Lexa’s eyes stop following her once she’s settled down and she watches as Lexa turns them back on the book in her lap. She glances at Lexa’s hands, fingers brushing down the page and she swallows and blinks her gaze away from them.

Lexa has really nice hands and her fingers are so long, she can feel her crush spiraling, she should really open up one of her dating apps soon. Maybe meeting someone would calm this down, well, once she gets Lexa out of her bed of course. “Whatcha reading?” She asks after clearing her throat, scooting to close the sliver of distance between her and Lexa and resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder to gaze down at the words.

“It’s just a mermaid fantasy.” She glances up at Lexa to watch her pale cheeks flush slightly and she can’t help the smile that grazes her lips.

It’s annoying that she finds even that cute. “Read it to me?” She asks kindly and watches Lexa’s long eyelashes flutter slightly as she tries to meet her gaze, but the position doesn’t allow for easy eye contact.

“You’d like that?” She asks, her voice soft and a bit shy.

“It would be nice.” She adjusts to curl around Lexa’s arm properly and use her shoulder as a better pillow then before, feeling her own body start to relax into her friend. She knows Lexa is a bit of a cuddler, so she’s been sort of taking advantage of that since she’s moved in, but that’s about the only not entirely platonic thing she’s been acting on.

“Okay.” Lexa’s voice still sounds a bit shy. “Do you want me to start from the beginning?”

“No, just from where you left off.” She lets her eyes close as Lexa starts, her voice soothing, filling the silence of the living room.

Costia didn’t realize how lonely she felt before Lexa moved in with her. Before Lexa, she’d come home and quietly make herself dinner and sit down and play a game for a little while or grade papers or paint with maybe some background music, hardly using her voice at all. But ever since Lexa’s been here, she’s had someone to talk too when she comes home, someone to share her day with, someone who likes hearing about the things she’s doing.

She never realized how much she craved sharing her space with someone else though she’s had the thought that perhaps it isn’t about sharing space with someone, but about sharing it with Lexa.

She grew up with three brothers, so it left home life feeling like a chaotic first come first serve environment. Once she got to college, sharing was one of her least favorite things to do. She never had anything to herself. She spent two years of college somewhat isolated and alone, but she had liked it then. She had wanted it like that. She had felt a certain level of resentment when she had found out someone would be moving in with her, but she couldn’t entirely afford off campus housing, so she had reluctantly accepted it.

She hadn’t expected the roommate she was getting to be the prettiest girl she had ever seen; she certainly hadn’t expected her to be the kindest. It made her forget why she hated sharing her space a lot quicker than it should have.

Now, she aches to share everything she can with Lexa when she’s not around. Even when Lexa wasn’t living here, she’d seek the girl out to talk to her, albeit a lot less then this though. Now, she comes home to Lexa and Lexa tells her vague details about her cases and her co-workers and always asks how her day was.

She’s scared of the day that Lexa leaves again, inevitably to share her life with someone else and leaving her wanting and craving this closeness that she’s already grown attached too. The thought has her heaving a sigh as she listens to Lexa’s soft soothing voice mutter words from the story she’s reading, and it makes her snuggle in a bit closer.

She thinks for now, she’ll have to appreciate every moment she can get before it’s gone.