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Chapter Text

Upon his arrival at Osaka castle, Mitsunari was informed that Hideyoshi had standing orders to have him escorted to the garden.  It was a routine he was used to, and he glanced over at Sakon as he pulled scrolls from his traveling bag.  "This won't take long. Why don't you rest in the rooms."  He offered his new retainer.  He'd hired him only a few weeks before and had barely had time to settle him into Sawayama before it was time for his official visit to Hideyoshi's castle.

Sakon gave the courtyard a cursory glance before turning a casual smile on his chosen lord.  "I've heard the Osaka castle gardens are beautiful. Why would I miss out on the chance to see them?"

"Suit yourself, though I'll warn you the conversation will hardly be riveting."  As usual, Mitsunari did not return the smile.  The tone of his voice sounded bored now rather than acidic.  Though that could change with ease, as Sakon was fast learning.

Hideyoshi was not alone in the gardens, and Sakon saw Mitsunari wince and hesitate at the entrance.  His eyebrows arched at the sight, and he turned to look at the Ninja woman by the Toyotomi lord's side, trying to figure out what would cause him to react so. She hardly seemed threatening, not that Sakon was fool enough to judge on looks alone.  He was amused to see Mitsunari actually square his shoulders as if preparing for battle before he followed the servant into the gardens.

"Financial Adviser Ishida Mitsunari is here to see you, Lord Toyotomi."  The servant bowed.

"Ah!" Hideyoshi broke into a wide smile and turned to the two approaching. "Mitsunari!"

"Mitsunari!"  The ninja woman let go of Hideyoshi's arm and ran forward.

Sakon was pretty certain she intended to embrace the young man, but Mitsunari swiftly stepped to one side, unfurling his fan and bowing low to avoid contact.  "Lady Nene."  His tone was formal and cold. "I trust you are well."

Nene slid to a stop, a slight frown marring her cheerful features.  "You don't have to be so formal, Mitsunari.  It's only us here."  Her eyes slid to Sakon suspiciously, as if he just might be to blame for this behavior. "Who's this?"

The question apparently made Mitsunari feel safe enough to straighten, but he kept his fan unfurled between them as if to ensure she kept her distance.  "Lady Nene, allow me to introduce to you my new retainer, Shima Sakon.  Sakon, this is Lady Nene, Lord Hideyoshi's first wife."

"Lady Nene, it's a pleasure to meet you." Sakon swept a bow, a smile coming to his face.  "I've heard alot of wonderful things about you."

"Aw, that's sweet. My, you are such a towering, strong-looking boy."  She peered up at him, and her smile returned. "And don't worry about the Lady bit, just call me Nene.  We're all a family, though Mitsunari tends to forget sometimes."

Sakon couldn't recall the last time he'd been called a boy. But something about the woman's manner made it hard for him to feel insulted.  It was obvious Mitsunari was not at ease with her, however, and he could feel him bristle beside him at her words.  "I wouldn't want your husband to feel I'm being inappropriate. I hope Lady Nene will do?"

Nene laughed.  "Oh, darling won't mind. I think of all our boys like my own sons. Mitsunari must think highly of you to have brought you here to Osaka. So you just come to me if you need anything."

"Now, now, my dear. Don't badger the poor boys.  They've just arrived."  Hideyoshi came up, still smiling brightly.  "How are things going at Sawayama castle, Mitsunari?  I know the place needs a bit of repair.  But it's still quite impressive, eh?"

"The repairs are already underway. I feel it has amazing potential, my lord. I'm honored by being trusted by its keeping." Mitsunari replied, his tone formal.

"You're one of my best, of course I trust you with the place."  The Toyotomi Lord only waved off his words.  "I heard you mention this was your new retainer."  He turned to face Sakon, his smile not wavering in the slightest. "We meet again, Sakon."

"We do indeed, Lord Hideyoshi." Sakon nodded.

"I do believe I offered you a position once before, and you declined."

Mitsunari's eyes widened, and he glanced between the two - caught off guard.  Sakon saw his eyes narrow then, and guessed he'd be hearing it for not warning him of this. "Ah, I think we might have had such a conversation awhile back. Now that you mention it."

"Hm..." Hideyoshi glanced at Mitsunari briefly. "I know our Mitsunari can be quite persuasive when given the chance. Really, though. I'm curious, how'd he win you over? Promise you lands of your own? A high stipend?"

"Though he's certainly paying me a generous amount, it wasn't the deciding factor." Sakon said slowly.

"So, what was?"

"Darling, stop it, you're being rude."  Nene tapped her foot pointedly.  "Mitsunari's burdened down with scrolls waiting to make his report, and you're trying to wheedle his hiring secrets out of his retainer. Right in front of him no less!"

"It's fine, Lady Nene."  Mitsunari protested, though Sakon thought he heard a hint of relief in his voice.

Hideyoshi laughed.  "Alright, alright. I'll leave off for now."  He winked at Sakon. "I'll get the secret out of you later. I'm not done yet."  He moved swiftly, patting Mitsunari on the shoulder. "Come along then, let's hear those reports."  He gestured to the paths.

"I'll go get the cooks to whip up something special for this evening." Nene spoke up.  She leaned up to press a kiss to Hideyoshi's cheek.

"What about this one?" Hideyoshi turned his head with a wink.

"Naughty boy!"  Nene teased but leaned up to kiss the other cheek.

Sakon noted Mitsunari turned his head away pointedly, obviously not comfortable by the public show of affection.  It, unfortunately, gave Nene the opportunity she had been looking for, and she was suddenly giving him a sideways hug. "It's good to have you home, Mitsunari! You should visit more often!"  She was gone then, yellow flower petals floating in her place.

Mitsunari's face flushed slightly as Hideyoshi burst out laughing. "You should know when to give up, Mitsunari! You know our Nene always has her way in the end."

Mitsunari let out a huff of air. "Must she treat us all like children?"

"Oh, it's her way. Besides, you were fairly young when I brought you into my service. It's natural for her to think of you as her own.  She just wants you to be happy."

"I am happy. Without help from her."

Sakon wondered if Mitsunari knew how ironic it was to say such a thing while frowning. He was tempted to laugh.

"Are you?"  Hideyoshi's tone was quite suddenly serious.

Mitsunari glanced at him, surprised. "My lord?"

"Are you happy, Mitsunari?"

"Lord Hideyoshi, I am most happy in your service. Why would you think otherwise?"  He sounded rather perplexed by the question.

Hideyoshi chuckled.  "You remember what I told you? Why I wanted to unite the land?"

Mitsunari glanced at Sakon, as if uncertain whether he should be having this conversation with him there. But as Hideyoshi seemed unphased by his presence, he turned back to his lord to respond. "To keep a promise to a friend. To make a land where everyone can be happy."

"I'd like to think we're close to succeeding."  Hideyoshi turned away, gesturing at the gardens, but taking in much more than that. "Most of the land is united already. It won't be long before the rest is ours as well. I would expect everyone to be pretty happy about that.  So, isn't it curious?"  He paced forward, before looking back at Mitsunari pointedly. "How is it that one of the most trusted of my men... never smiles?"

Mitsunari stood frozen for a moment, his eyes slightly widened.  He brought a hand up to his lips, as if they were perhaps to blame. "I...my lord, I..."  His brow pinched in confusion, and if Sakon wasn't mistaken, slightly in hurt as well.

"I pry too much."  Hideyoshi returned to rest a hand on his shoulder. "I didn't mean to place you on the spot, Mitsunari.  If you say you're happy, I believe you. I just wish you'd allow yourself to show it now and again.  Come on, let's take a walk. You can give me your report."

Mitsunari nodded, but he seemed troubled by his lord's words as he followed him along one of the paths of the gardens.

Despite the fact he'd arrived carrying scrolls, Mitsunari didn't look at them once while making his report. And Hideyoshi didn't ask to see the scrolls once either. They'd be filed in the castle library along with all the other reports.  It had started as a dare, him giving the report without looking at the scrolls, and somewhere along the line had become a habit. It spoke of his trust in him, that he didn't double check the figures rolling off his tongue.  He'd warned Sakon the conversation would not be riveting, and he'd expected the ronin to start fidgeting or wandering during the meeting. Even Kanetsugu had fidgeted, the one time he'd accompanied him.  Sakon didn't look the least bit bored, nor showed the slightest hint that he'd rather be anywhere else.  He'd even flashed him a smile - the one time he'd caught him glancing at him.

He'd long since returned to his quarters. It was the same room he'd had since they'd first come to Osaka castle.  Nene preserved the rooms of their most loyal retainers, even once they'd been given lands and residences of their own.  It gave one the feeling of homecoming, and it was a nice feeling. Not that he'd ever admit it to the overbearing woman. She certainly didn't need any more encouragement to treat them like children.  The logical side of him understood her attachment.  With no children of her own, they were the natural replacements. His own resentment of the treatment was actually slightly illogical since he knew the facts.  A few times he'd wondered if his strong desire for her to stop treating him like a child wasn't the natural feeling of a son trying to show his mother he was all grown up.  It had made him feel uncomfortable to contemplate, though, and he rarely revisited the thought.

Outside the light was fading, and the evening meal would soon be called.  He wondered if Sakon knew his way to the dining hall and contemplated seeking him out.  Nene had seen to it his quarters were near his, but - since he'd retired to his own - he had no idea where the samurai might have wandered.  As if in answer to the question, a knock came at the door. "My lord?"

"You may enter." Sakon seemed to pause in the doorway, and Mitsunari couldn't figure out what had caused the hesitation.  "Entering usually means to come all the way inside a room." He quipped.

Sakon chuckled at his words, stepping inside and closing the door.  "First time I've seen you out of that get-up." He mentioned.

Mitsunari glanced down at the kimono he was wearing, before turning a frown on his retainer. A part of him wondered if he should be insulted by the other man referring to his battle gear in a way that sounded rather disrespectful. "One does not tend to wear armor to banquets hosted by their lord in their lord's own castle."

"It wasn't an insult. It's just quite a change.  You look halfway approachable."

"And how do I look normally?"  Mitsunari crossed his arms, not sure he was liking this turn in the conversation.

"Dangerous. Isn't that the point of armor?"

His irritation melted in the face of that logic.  Sakon always seemed to know just what to say. It was a skill he was beginning to both appreciate and dislike at once.  "I suppose that's true."  He shrugged.

"Getting some reading done?"

Mitsunari glanced at the book on the desk he was seated at. He wasn't even sure he remembered turning any of the pages, his mind lost instead in his wandering thoughts.  Once again, he shrugged. "There will be plenty of work to do when we get back to Sawayama."

"And here I don't recall mentioning a thing about work."  Sakon's tone was teasing.

For a moment Mitsunari only blinked at him, then he shook his head in exasperation.  "I meant that this was only a moment's respite."

"Nothing wrong with a little rest and relaxation, you know."

"So long as they aren't taken to excess."  His tone was slightly frosty.

"Have someone particular in mind for that reprimand?" Sakon asked.

"Just a warning."

"I'll keep that in mind, then.  I wouldn't want to get on my lord's bad side so quickly."

"That reminds me..."

"That reminds you of something? Maybe I'd have been better off keeping my mouth shut."

The samurai seemed more amused than alarmed, however. Mitsunari wondered if the man was as unflappable as he outwardly appeared.  He knew Sakon's mind was keen, he had even been a student of the famed strategist Takeda Shingen in his youth. So his carefree attitude was somewhat surprising to him.  Or perhaps his ability to read situations gave him that confidence?

Mitsunari was confident in the abilities he did possess, but when faced with the unexpected, he tended to get irritated and flustered. It was a weakness he knew he had to strive to overcome.  He felt that familiar irritation as he recalled that Sakon had placed him in just such a position that afternoon. "I don't recall you mentioning having turned down an offer from Lord Hideyoshi before."

"It never exactly came up, did it?"

"I may have never directly asked such a question, but you could have given me a word of warning. Surely you guessed Hideyoshi would bring it up."

"I wasn't absolutely certain of that, no.  It was possible he'd be discreet about it. After all, a lot of lords would never have mentioned that they were turned down by a samurai who accepted the offer of a retainer."

"Lord Hideyoshi is not most lords."

"No, he's far slyer."

Mitsunari's eyes widened, and he stood up, slamming a hand on the table. "I won't permit you to speak of my own lord so disrespectfully, Sakon!"

Sakon paused, glancing at him.  He seemed slightly surprised by the volatile reaction. "Disrespect? I meant it as a compliment.  It's one of the reasons he's come this far."

Mitsunari's frown did not lesson. "Please be more careful when choosing your words."

Sakon seemed to study him for a long moment, and the young adviser was forced to struggle with the instinct to squirm under the intenseness of his gaze. "Your loyalty to the Toyotomi... is rather intense."

"...I owe everything to Lord Hideyoshi."

Mitsunari's words were spoken in a soft tone that bordered between awe and affection.  It was a curious combination to Sakon, and he frowned slightly.  He'd known from when he'd first seen him that there was more to the young Ishida lord than met the eye. Not that what met the eye was in any way displeasing, his mind provided rather treacherously.  He shoved it away for now.  Though he had no doubt he'd revisit it later.  Still, there'd been something in Mitsunari's eyes, something beneath the surface of what appeared to be a cool, arrogant man.  It had remained with him even as their forces parted ways.

He'd come to buy a heart that burned with injustice, he'd told him.  And in his eyes he'd seen some of that same burning.  Had what caused that burning occurred under Hideyoshi? Or before it?  For someone who seemed to look down on the world, Mitsunari seemed attached to concepts such as honor and justice.  And loyal to a fault to a man completely opposite his own character. Sakon had to admit he was curious about the younger man's history; about what had made him who he was.  Like solving any puzzle, though, it would take time and patience to do so.

Opting for a change of subject, he offered a smile to his suddenly quiet lord. "So, shall we head to this banquet?"

Mitsunari turned to look at him, and a troubled look seemed to cross his features. However, it was gone a moment later, and he merely nodded. "Yes, we should head down.  They will be calling for it any time now."

Sakon didn't say anything as the other man closed the book he hadn't truly seemed to be reading, merely fell into step behind him as he led the way out of the room.

Chapter Text

"Most of the land is united already. It won't be long before the rest is ours as well. I would expect everyone to be pretty happy about that.  So isn't it curious? How is it that one of the most trusted of my men… never smiles?"

Mitsunari couldn't get Hideyoshi's words out of his mind.  Even once he and Sakon had returned to Sawayama, they plagued him.  It was true that he rarely smiled.  Often the times he did it was more in wry amusement than in true pleasure or joy.  He'd never stopped to consider the matter.  He enjoyed his work, he was pleased with his accomplishments, he was proud to be one of Hideyoshi's most trusted men.  What more could he possibly desire?

"Are you happy, Mitsunari?"

Wasn't pleasure in accomplishments happiness?  Wasn't he happy that Hideyoshi's dream was nearly fulfilled?  Oh, he was no fool - he knew uniting the land was but the first step.  Being strong enough to defend that legacy would also matter.  Perhaps that was why he was not as carefree as others?  But, that didn't mean he wasn't happy, right?

He contemplated his admittedly small group of… acquaintances? Friends?  He was somewhat bothered to realize he wasn't sure of the correct word to use.  Both Sanada and Kanetsugu were serious-minded as well. Though he had seen them both smile before. If he truly contemplated who seemed the most joyous, it would probably be Keiji or Sakon. Previous ronins, both, ironically. Was that the secret to their apparent happiness?  That they had been free to choose their path?

He tried to recall the last time he'd simply chosen to do something on a whim.  It took a sadly long time to recall it.  He then found himself contemplating his structured routine and wondering when the last time it had changed.  It had proved efficient, so he'd never questioned it, yet now...

"How is it that one of the most trusted of my men… never smiles?"

If he was happy with things as they were - if he was truly proud of his achievements, happy with his duties, why was the question bothering him so much?  What was his life missing that the innocuous question would plague him weeks after he'd been asked it?

Why did he never smile?

What was he missing that so many others seemed to take for granted?

It was nearly two months after the fateful meeting in the garden that Mitsunari lay restlessly awake one morning, and came to the conclusion that perhaps there was something missing.  From his life. Or perhaps even from he himself.  Something he'd never find if he spent day after day following his usual routine.  Still unsure of what he was doing, or if he truly intended to go through with it at all, he dressed and took his battle fan with him, heading toward the stables.

The sun was high in the sky already, not yet at its zenith but not far off.  Sakon was surprised that Mitsunari had not called for him before now.  He suspected that if he was preoccupied, it meant some more reports had come in. He approached the office casually, knocked on the door, and waited to hear either a resigned or irritated invitation to enter. But he was greeted instead with silence.  "My lord, it's Sakon."

When the words once again went ungreeted, Sakon found himself slightly alarmed. Despite suspecting it would only displease his lord, he slid the door open without invitation.  The office was empty. Neat stacks of scrolls sat on the desk.  The ink was closed; the brush rested untouched on its drying stand.

He could not explain the concern growing within him. There had been little fighting of late. Hideyoshi had the land pretty much united, with only petty squabbles here and there.  There was no reason to believe his lord would be in any danger, yet his lack of presence concerned him.  One of the older servants was making his way down the hall, and Sakon stopped to question him.

The servant had heard that the lord had not emerged from his quarters yet.  The words were both comforting and disquieting to the Yamato Samurai.  He could not recall even a single day Mitsunari had slept in. Perhaps he was feeling ill?  The decision to risk the wrath of disturbing him was easy enough to make, and he found his feet had carried him to Mitsunari's room almost before he's had time to debate on just what could be keeping him.

His knock was met by silence; the feeling of concern by then had started to turn into alarm. "My lord, it's Sakon."  The words were a repeat and somehow he knew even before he had slid the door open that he'd find the room empty.  He treaded the empty space, eyes looking for clues. But there was no sign of a struggle or fighting. The futon was even perfectly rolled up.  But something was missing, and the empty space where Mitsunari's battle fan should have been was like a warning bell in his mind.

To his frustration, despite the number of servants in the castle, it took him almost an hour to trace Mitsunari's departure from the stables early that morning.  He had his own horse saddled in a matter of minutes.

He could not explain this behavior. It was completely unlike the young man to simply go for a ride when there was work to be done.  His concern was compounded by the fact that with his head start, and having no knowledge of where he was heading, it would be nigh on impossible to find him.  Or, he reflected, it should have been, when he found the trail of hoofprints. The sun had only reached its zenith when the younger man's horse came into view ahead. His pace was almost casual, and Sakon found himself wondering if Mitsunari had wanted to be found.

"Have you lost your mind, my lord?"  The title following the question made the greeting rather ironic sounding.

Mitsunari was completely unsurprised by his appearance.  He'd only shrugged at the query. "Maybe."

"What are you doing?" Sakon could almost feel irritated by the uninterested response.  He'd been highly alarmed, so to find Mitsunari had simply gone gallivanting off with no notice was slightly infuriating.

"...I wanted to know what it was like." Mitsunari's voice was distant and thoughtful. Sakon's irritation dissolved as he tried to puzzle out his tone.

"What?"

"To choose a road and just travel it. No responsibilities.  No stacks of paperwork."

"You'll hate it."  Sakon told him.  Mitsunari thrived on order. What had inspired this venture exactly, he wondered.

Mitsunari had frowned at his words.  "Why can't I decide that for myself?"

Mitsunari had not stopped the forward motion of his horse at all, not that it was moving fast. Sakon had merely matched the pace.  The words made him thoughtful, recalling that Hideyoshi had said Mitsunari was fairly young when he'd come into his service. He had no idea where he'd been before that, but since joining it was obvious he'd been a dedicated retainer. Had lived his life in the service of his lord.  Had joining Hideyoshi been his choice?  Had the younger man ever had a choice about his future?

But that had never seemed to bother him before. In fact, his dedication to the Toyotomi was one of the bases for his very existence. On top of that were a thousand thoughts of things that could happen to Mitsunari should he venture alone into the seedier parts of the lands and cities. Oh, heck.  There were probably a lot of things his young lord was completely naive about. Sakon was not about to let him risk his life on a whim.

"Being a ronin is not a game."  The words were harder than he perhaps intended.

Mitsunari had not responded at first, and they had ridden in silence. "I see. And is that what you'd consider my years of service to Lord Hideyoshi? The battles I've fought in? A game?"

He supposed the reminder that he had taken care of himself long before Sakon had entered the picture could have been couched in harder terms.  "In battle, one knows who one's enemies are. Alone, out here, it's different."

"You should try navigating the courts."

Sakon couldn't stop the chuckle that emerged.  Mitsunari glanced over at him, and he noted something in his eyes. Something was definitely troubling him. But what?  "You really determined to do this?"

Mitsunari seemed to hesitate.  He turned to look out over the forest. "I just… want to know what it's like."

"Well, if we're going to do this, we have to do it right." Mitsunari sent a confused glance his way, and Sakon made a point of looking his attire over. "No one's going to mistake you as anything but a lord dressed like that… my lord."

Mitsunari seemed to be discomforted by his gaze, and when he looked at his face again, he swore he saw a hint of red across his cheeks. "Oh, so you're going to dress me for the part?"

"Leave it all to me." He felt a smirk curl his lips. "But you have to do me a favor, and leave word at the castle that you're going away. Tell them anything. Tell them you have a mission. Tell them you're going to enjoy yourself. Just so long as there's word. We wouldn't want anyone else to think you've gone missing."

"Is that what you thought?" There was a hint of amusement in Mitsunari's tone.

"I didn't know what to think." Sakon confessed. "Next time you get a sudden notion in your head, can you go over it with me first?"

"It's doubtful you'll have to worry about it again any time soon.  I think I can list the spontaneous things I've done in my life on one hand."

Once again, Sakon wished he knew what was behind this venture.  But regardless of the reasons, his duty was clear. Keep Mitsunari safe, no matter how hard his lord intended to make the task.

Any other lord, and he would probably have had to go to town to buy something simpler for them to wear on such a venture. Glancing through Mitsunari's choice of attire, Sakon was hit by the urge to go to town to buy him something fancy instead. Most of his clothing couldn't even boast a pattern. A few even showed signs of wear, though they were pieces he hadn't seen him dressed in, they were still in his closet. Good for this venture, but it felt strangely wrong for a well-paid administrator. Was he truly so stingy?

"Sakon. I can get ready for a banquet with Lord Hideyoshi faster than this."

"I don't see how, with these choices."

"Meaning what exactly?"

"I think my clothing is fancier. I'm sure it wouldn't kill your wallet to have a few showy pieces."

To his surprise, Mitsunari's expression became strangely disconcerted. "It's not a matter of price."

"Then what is it a matter of?" Mitsunari did not reply to the question right away, and Sakon turned back to the wardrobe. "I am still new in your employ, I understand if you don't trust me with-"

"There was talk."

"Talk? Of what?"

"How I was trying to show everyone up. Who I was trying to impress. Who I might have been sharing a bed with that night."

"Gossip." Sakon looked over at him, but Mitsunari was turned toward the window - eyes distant. He found himself taking in his young lord's appearance again. Smooth skin, delicate features; the brilliant shade of his hair. Dressed up, he was probably quite the sight, which would of course cause jealousy in his peers.

"Like I said. Talk."

"Talk and gossip are two different things. After a few times, they'd find something else to-"

"It's not worth the bother. It's unnecessary anyhow."

"So, what happened to those fancy outfits? You sold them?"

Mitsunari's face pinched. "Why does it matter?"

"How does a ronin still making a name for himself attract attention from potential masters?"

"You tell me."

"By being a little showy. So. Do I have to buy nice clothing for my lord or is he hiding some somewhere?"

Mitsunari scowled, then pushed between him and the wardrobe to yank up the flooring. "They were almost all presents from Lord Hideyoshi. Of course, I preserved them."

Sakon let out a whistle. There were probably a dozen outfits. Expensive fabrics and fine trims. He pulled the first one out, studying the separate pieces.

"Please promise me you aren't going to make me look ridiculous."

"By whose standards?"

'You're purposefully trying to make me regret this. Aren't you?"

Sakon tossed him one of the worn kimonos and a patterned set of hakama. "Start with those."

"So, you want fancy accessories, but you're pairing them with a worn-out kimono?" There was wry amusement in his tone.

"Welcome to the life of a ronin."

Mitsunari snorted, but Sakon heard the rustle of fabric as he began to change.

"Can you use a sword?"

"Not exactly my weapon of choice. Why?"

"Your fan is a bit..." He paused to find the right word.

"It was a gift from Kanetsugu." Mitsunari was quick to defend it.

"It's recognizable."

Another sigh, then Mitsunari was pushing between him and the wardrobe again, this time to dig a carefully wrapped object out from the clothing. "Will this suffice?" The wrap was quickly tossed aside, and a metal fan was spread out for his inspection. It was smaller than what he carried now, but nicks and a small tear stated that it had seen combat. No words graced either side.

"Anyone be able to recognize this?"

"Lord Hideyoshi. Lady Nene. Hanbei.  Possibly Kiyomasa and Masanori."

"Well, we shouldn't be anywhere near them. It'll work."

"So glad you approve." Sarcasm dripped from his words.

Sakon chuckled as the other withdrew. "What are you calling yourself?"

"Calling?"

"I'd imagine you want to go incognito. Should word get back that there was a ronin calling himself Ishida Mitsunari..."

"That cannot happen!"

"Hence a Psuedo name. One you won't have trouble remembering is you?"

"...my childhood name was Sakichi."

"And a surname?"

"...Sawa." There was a tinge of humor to the word.

Sakon chuckled. "And what force did you serve before becoming a ronin?"

"Is so much info necessary? I mean, how nosy do they get?"

"It's rather common to chat about previous masters. What battles you've been involved in. That sort of thing."

"...The Shibata then."

"Might be best to claim you were administration, and only recently became a ronin. In case we run into any other Shibata."

"...fine." He did not sound pleased, but he was making a rather minimum amount of fuss.

Sakon turned to offer some chosen accessories and froze as he found himself staring at the naked curve of Mitsunari's back. Smooth, soft skin with remarkably few scars for someone who had in fact seen action on the field, covered a lithe body that was deceptively delicate looking. Unaware he was being watched, Mitsunari finished pulling up the kimono, and reached back to untuck his hair - revealing the back of his neck. Long, unflawed, and extremely inviting.

Sakon forced his gaze back to the wardrobe, and firmly told all the blood running south of his belt that lusting after his lord was a bad idea on many levels.

He wondered how much practice Mitsunari had turning down inappropriate advances by men and women alike. Because, with neither name nor title to protect him, he was going to get a lot of offers. Asking about his sexual history was not a topic he was looking forward to broaching with the prickly man. He wondered if a bottle of Sake would help. Or three.

He was going on inspection.  No, he didn't need troops, Sakon would be with him.  He'd be incognito.  He'd ridden out incognito before, though the kimono was a bit more shabby than normal.  He'd refused to put on anything "showy" until they'd left Sawayama behind them.  When they came to the first crossroads, Sakon had turned to him with a smile.  "Well, this is what you wanted.  Pick a road, my lord."

"If you keep "my lord"-ing me, we're not going to fool anyone."  His tone had been drab, but he'd felt nervous as he glanced up both paths.  Pick a road and travel it.  No responsibilities.  It felt equal parts exciting and terrifying at that moment. He turned his horse down one path, ignoring that his strongest urge was to turn back to Sawayama, and was very aware of Sakon following.  He was surprised to find that he found the knowledge soothing.

Though Sakon's reputation well proceeded him, Mitsunari was never one to put stock in others' opinions.  He'd formed his own opinion, based upon their previous meeting and his own research.  Nor had Sakon disappointed once he had gotten him into his employ.  All the same, he'd only truly known the man for a matter of weeks.  He shouldn't have found it so easy to rely on a near-stranger.  Shouldn't have felt that his presence was such a calming influence.  Yet, he did.  There wasn't a logical explanation for it.  There was just something about Sakon himself, some part of his very essence, that made him feel safe with him.  Sometimes he wondered if that was a good thing.

Chapter Text

He chose a small inn that lay along their path, not too near any large town, to spend their first evening out.  There were still a few things he wanted to know before the charade got much farther.  When he brought out the sake bottles, Mitsunari's look was equal parts resigned and wary.  "Not my first choice of how to spend an evening."  He commented.

"Isn't this about stepping out of your routine?"  Sakon challenged.

Mitsunari hesitated a moment longer before taking a cup.  "I'll take that as a challenge."  A fire was burning in the center of the private room he'd rented, and they gathered around it, even while opening the door to take in the sight of the woods and night sky.

"I take it you have gotten drunk before?"

In response, Mitsunari emptied the cup before holding it out in a silent challenge.  Sakon emptied his own before refilling them both.  "I realize I don't have a reputation as a carouser, but just how protected a life do you honestly think I've led?"

"Perhaps that's what I'm trying to figure out."

"I simply prefer to be in control of myself."

"Just yourself?"  The words held a teasing lilt, and Mitsunari favored him with scowl.  Sakon raised his cup in response, and emptied it.  There was a brief hesitation before the younger man met the challenge, draining his own.

"I can outdrink Yukimura."

"Unless his stamina has improved since leaving the Takeda, that doesn't say much.  His ninja can outdrink him."

"You got Kunoichi to drink?  Keiji tried to get her to drink all night once and failed."

"It was a long time ago.  Shingen was alive then."  The death of the Takeda lord had changed Yukimura and Kunoichi both, he'd noted when meeting them again.  It had taken its toll on him as well, but he'd been older and better prepared for it.

"... Yukimura said once that Shingen was an amazing lord."

There was no hint of jealousy in Mitsunari's tone, or displeasure at the turn in the conversation.  Sakon wondered what Yukimura had said.  It was good for the samurai and ninja both that circumstances had led Yukimura to his friendship with Mitsunari and Kanetsugu Naoe.  He'd seemed lost after the fall of the Takeda to the Oda, and Sakon had often expected to hear news of his death, and consequently that of his loyal ninja's.  Fate seemed to have intervened, at least so far.  Mitsunari was waiting for a response to his statement, and Sakon chose the simplest answer on the subject.  "He was."

"... it seems to change a man.  The death of his lord."  Mitsunari's gaze was distant, his tone thoughtful.  He always seemed to have his mind on the future.  It was one of the things that gave him hope on his choice of who to serve, but at the same time, it worried him.  It was just as easy to mess things up by looking too far ahead as it was by not looking far enough.

"Death is change.  And it changes all it touches."

"I can't imagine life without Lord Hideyoshi.  Even though I know that day will come."

This wasn't where he'd intended the conversation to go when he'd brought out the sake.  It was a dark turn indeed.  He'd lost two lords himself now, and he did not intend to outlive another.  That, though, was not knowledge he intended to share with anyone, including Mitsunari.  "Better not to think about it."

"I have to.  I have to be prepared for that day.  That much I do know."

There was a weight to those words.  A hint of things to come.  Inevitable things.  Hideyoshi's death, when it happened, would weigh heavily on his chosen lord.  Both professionally and personally.  As far as he knew, Mitsunari had never known another lord but Hideyoshi.  From what he'd seen, his feelings for him were built as much on affection as respect.  Losing Hideyoshi would be like losing a member of his family.  Sakon realized he was not looking forward to watching Mitsunari go through that painful experience. "I hope it's many years in the future."

A wry smile curved Mitsunari's lips, and he raised his cup.  "That I'll drink to."

Sakon raised his cup, and they drained their glasses together.  Mitsunari held out his cup, and Sakon couldn't help but smile as he refilled it.  "When was the first time you got drunk?"

Mitsunari snorted in response.  "If you're looking for a story of wild drunken escapades, you're going to be disappointed."

"Oh?"

"The first time I got drunk involved sake bottles Masanori won gambling with older soldiers, a room we thought was private enough at Lord Hideyoshi's manor, a lot of vomit, and Lady Nene at her scariest."  When he burst out laughing, Mitsunari looked like he was tempted to dump his drink over his head.  He settled for stealing the sake bottle.  "What about you?"

"Meaning?"  He hadn't refilled his own cup and was slightly surprised when Mitsunari did.  A lord did not fill a retainer's glass.  He wondered if Mitsunari was getting drunk, or simply didn't care about that particular protocol.  And if he didn't care, was it because of the particular venture they were on, because he'd promised to hire him as an equal, or because he simply didn't care?

"If you're going to ask personal questions, it only seems fair to return the favor."

"So you want to know about the first time I got drunk?"

"Well, if it involves a whorehouse or any number of private activities, please feel free to leave me in the dark."

Sakon chuckled.  "Well, I have several stories I could tell you about those kinds of drunken escapades-"

"I wonder why that doesn't surprise me-"

"But that wasn't the first time."

Mitsunari paused, his gaze searching. "It wasn't?"

Sakon's smile was tinged with melancholy.  "No.  That would be the night after my first battle."

"...your first kill?"

"Nineteen kills."

"I see."

He said no more words, and he didn't need to.  His tone said that he understood.  Mitsunari had seen his share of battles.  How had he handled his first kill?  Had he, too, drunken away the pain that came with taking a life for the first time?  "How many your first battle?"

"...none.  I froze."

"Ah."

"Kiyomasa had to protect me.  I swear, no matter how many years pass he's never forgotten that.  Even though I had more kills than him the next time we took the field together."

"Was that during your second battle?"

"Third."

"So, your second battle was your first kill?"

"...it was an ambush.  I'd been left in charge of a supply depot, away from the battle, but... the battle found us."

"How many?"

"Twenty-seven."

"Twenty-seven?"

"I did say that."

"You aren't padding those numbers a little, are you?"

"Sakon, I exist on numbers, and there's nothing I hate more than someone padding them or messing with them."  Mitsunari scowled at him.  "Why?"

Sakon raised his glass.  "Cuz that's eight more than me.  Nineteen, remember?"

Mitsunari hesitated.  "I suppose it is... but defending a depot is different than attacking.  I mean-"

"I was defending a supply depot."

The words made Mitsunari freeze.  It was strange, like a connection between them. Slightly dismal and morbid, but there.  "You were?"

"I was a new recruit.  New recruits always get the boring jobs.  Only it didn't turn out so boring."  Sakon raised his glass.  "Twenty-seven.  Impressive, my lord."

Mitsunari shook his head, but raised his glass.  "You have to stop with the "my lord" if this is going to last longer than a day."

"Nobody's here but us."  Sakon reminded him, drinking down his glass.

"You'll say it out of habit."  Mitsunari followed suit.

"So I should call you Sakichi?"

Mitsunari choked, and Sakon looked at him with concern.  "That's a bit personal, Sakon."

Sakon studied him for a moment.  "So I should call you-"

"Sawa."

"Right..."  Sakon considered the statement for a moment. "So, did anyone ever call you Sakichi?" 

"You're full of questions tonight."  Mitsunari frowned at him.

"I'm prone to curiosity.  It's my weakness."  He offered a grin.

"A few."

"What about Mitsunari?  Anyone close enough to you to call you that?  Aside from your Lord and Lady Nene, I mean."

"A few."  Mitsunari pointedly repeated his answer, and refilled their cups.

"And would those few be merely... close friends?"  Sakon phrased the question carefully.  Mitsunari had no such qualms.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were questioning me about my sexual prowess."

"Let's say you don't know better."

"It isn't an interesting tale either, Sakon.  I consider intimate relationships a distraction.  And I've never had any inclination toward carousing."

"You're not telling me you've had no experience, are you?"  He was rather unnerved at the thought that might be the case, and that would be disastrous where they would be going.

"I didn't say that."  Mitsunari's reply was tart.  The sour mood didn't hold, however, and he sighed heavily.  "Of course, I've had sex before.  It would have been hard to avoid, wouldn't it?"

"You would have been growing up in Hideyoshi's care around the time of Nobunaga's reign."  Sakon mentioned slowly.

Mitsunari glanced at him over the rim of his sake cup. "Your point?"

"Nobunaga was known to appreciate the company of pretty young men."

"Lord Nobunaga was... an unusual man. But my own interaction with him was limited at best, and non-existent at most."

"And others in his court?"

"I had offers."  Mitsunari chuckle was mocking. "Many offers."

"But you weren't interested?"

Maybe it was the sake that loosened his tonuge.  Or the atmosphere.  The quiet room at the inn that made it seem like they were the only ones around for miles.  The night chorus of insects outside the room sang on, and inside the fire crackled in the center hearth. Warm and inviting in the chilly night.

"I was a mature youth. Intelligent, in control. I understood the offers on one level. But on another... well, I guess I wasn't as mature as I liked to think of myself as."

The wry amusement in his voice made Sakon smile, but the amusement faded quickly.

"One night, I went for a walk.  And I saw..."  His grip tightened on the cup he held - his eyes distant.  "I saw more than I should have. I shut myself up in my room for a while after that.  I don't know whether Nene told him to come, or if he somehow guessed what had happened, but Lord Hideyoshi came to see me. He was... gentle about it. Told me that it was my decision if I wanted to be with anyone in that fashion.  That he and Nene would never let anyone force such a relationship against my will."  He gave a half shrug. "I told him I didn't want anyone to touch me like that. Ever."

Sakon studied him carefully.  “But that changed?"

“It did." Mistunari admitted.  "When... when I started to feel those feelings, it bothered me on some level. I didn't want to want anyone's touch.  It seemed too much like a weakness."

Sakon watched him carefully. When the silence stretched, he pushed the conversation along gently. "When was your first time?"

Mitsunari glanced down at the sake cup he held, chuckling in a way that spoke more of irony than amusement.  "I got drunk one night with another of the younger financial aides and things happened."

"Where's that man now?"

Mitsunari shrugged. "Not sure.  I would have nothing more to do with him after that night.  A few times I saw him watching me, but he didn't pursue the matter at all."

"Other lovers?"

"There's been a few.  A widow I met who ran her late husband's trading business.  She later remarried.  A petty officer one cold winter night.  He died on the field a few days later."

He might as well have been listing off supply carriers, Sakon thought. "Nothing lasting. Nothing with any... real intimacy."

Mitsunari shrugged.  "You talk as if that's a problem.  Or a tragedy.  Ironic, considering your own case."

Sakon glanced at him, torn between amusement and insult. "And what is my case?"

"I'm sure you've had no shortage of lovers.  Especially considering how we first met.  But, truly, Sakon, it's not as if you have a wife waiting for you at the castle. And I see no lover following alongside you. So, are you truly in a position to lecture me about lasting or long-term relationships?"

"Perhaps you're right." Sakon's words were thoughtful.  "But in my case, it's only because I've never met anyone who captivated me enough to want it. Not because I choose not to have such a relationship."

"By choice or not, it seems we are in the same position."  Mitsunari drank deeply from the sake cup, eyes closing briefly.

"Perhaps that is not a bad thing."  Sakon couldn’t help but murmur, his eyes catching briefly on Mitsunari’s face, before turning away before he lowered the cup.  He picked up the bottle to refill their glasses, and forced himself not to dwell on that moment.

There was a sound, almost like a windchime, yet Sakon's instincts told him it was a weapon. He was awake and reaching for his sword, instantly - scanning the room for intruders or a shadow creeping by the outside wall. There was nothing to see, but the sound came again. Mitsunari turned restlessly in his sleep - clearly trying to awaken despite the overload of alcohol in his system. "Lord Hideyoshi..."

The name and sound connected in his mind, and when he slid open the door he was not as surprised as he could have been by what he found. Hideyoshi was crouched down, too far to cast a shadow on their door, but close enough that the chime as he swayed his staff lightly was distinct to the ear. It was obvious that Hideyoshi was surprised by him emerging rather than Mitsunari, and he glanced past him into the room.

Sakon was hit by the realization that the situation probably didn't look so good a second before Hideyoshi threw him a speculative glance. New retainer; pretty young lord; lots of sake bottles. He had the rather absurd desire to hold up his hands and protest his innocence. Okay, he wasn't completely innocent. He'd had a few lustful thoughts, but he had more restraint than to act upon them.

Hideyoshi strode towards him, and as he lowered himself to his knees, he was half expecting to get bashed by that staff. The other man ignored him, however, and knelt down by Mitsunari instead. "Nevermind, Mitsunari. I figured it out."

Mitsunari relaxed, face clearing. "My lord." His tone was rather petulant, and Hideyoshi chuckled, reaching out a hand to smooth the younger man's hair.

It was a private moment, and Sakon felt very much the intruder. Hideyoshi's gaze was fond, and he realized that while Nene may treat their closest retainers as children, she was certainly not the only one with parental feelings for them. There was more father and son than lord and retainer to the interaction he was now witnessing.

Hideyoshi was up and by his side the next moment - the man was fast, he'd be a tricky opponent on the field - and by the tilt of his head, his instruction was clear. Follow.

Neither spoke as they withdrew from the room, moving a safe distance away to be able talk freely.

"I decided to drop by Sawayama for an unplanned visit." Hideyoshi told him. "It's looking great, too. Well, maybe not aesthetically as he hasn't decorated it much, but structurally speaking, excellently done."

Hideyoshi had once built a castle in a day. It was high praise, in truth. Though the one he was praising wasn't present to hear it. No response was clearly expected, and the other man continued.

"Upon my arrival, however, there's no sign of my clever little fox. Off on inspection, they tell me. Incognito - and only taking his new retainer. Stranger and stranger. He usually informs me when he'll be away well in advance." There was a long pause. "You missed your cue, there, Sakon. Now is when you fill me in."

"I would if I could." Sakon chose his words carefully. "But I'm at about as much of a loss as you."

"Now you've really made me curious."

"Yesterday morning, my lord left Sawayama without leaving word. As you can imagine, I was rather alarmed." Hideyoshi said nothing, so he continued. "When I found him, he expressed a desire to get away from it all, so to speak. My duty is to protect my lord, not tell him how to run his life. If he wants to go on a random jaunt to nowhere, all I can do is advise him how best to stay safe."

"Hmmm… so how does getting him drunk come into it?"

"It wasn't exactly my intention to get him drunk. Just loosen his lips a little. I was a bit worried about what might happen if... a certain type of situation -"

Hideyoshi cackled. "Speak plainly. Speak plainly." He gave a wave of his hand, clearly still amused. "You were worried about his reaction to getting propositioned."

Sakon felt himself relax a little at his reaction. "Incognito, it's rather likely."

"Well, I - for one - hope someone does, and he, for a change, accepts. The boy needs some fun in his life." Hideyoshi swung his staff over his shoulders. "Try to see that he has some fun, eh?" He walked past him, heading off down the road. "Oh, but, Sakon..."

There was a change of tone that caught his attention immediately. "Lord Toyotomi?"

"Should anything happen to him under your care..." The threat was left hanging.

"I will accept any punishment you deem acceptable."

"I? Oh, I wouldn't do anything." When he turned to look at him, his face was serious, and his eyes calculating. "But if something did happen to Mitsunari under your care, I can't think of a reason I'd stop Nene either."

"Lady Nene?" The golden-clad ninja. Hideyoshi's first wife.

"She's sweet to her friends. Her enemies?" There was a pause to let his meaning sink in before he continued his thought. "She's trained in ways you and I couldn't fathom. Things that make hardened warriors beg for mercy."

This, before him, was the man who had risen to power under a leader as deadly and unfathomable as Nobunaga. The lord set on conquering Japan, and who had that very goal in his grasp. He didn't have to be the best warrior, or the cruelest of opponents, he commanded those who were. All held in check by the charm and cunning of the man before him.

"If anything happens to Mitsunari, it will be over my dead body."

"I'll hold you to that..." Within a blink, the cold expression was gone, and he was smiling again. "Well. Take care. And remember - see that he has some fun!"

Sakon watched his departing figure for a moment, before returning to the room. Mitsunari was still asleep, and he found himself staring at him thoughtfully, wondering if - for the first time in his life - he'd taken on a task he was inadequate for.

Chapter Text

Sakon was originally willing to consider Mitsunari's introduction to life as a ronin a success.  He'd met up with an old friend, explained he was taking a short leave of absence from his duties to show a young ronin the ropes. Toyori hadn't questioned his claims, had allowed them to join him on the field even. The battle had been won with relative ease and he could tell Mitsunari's skill had impressed their companions.

They'd been invited to join them at the tavern afterwards, and he'd allowed himself to be drawn into some gambling.  Toyori had whisked Mitsunari away, apparently to join a group drinking their cares away. He trusted Toyori.  He wasn't the sort to be caught up in any political schemes against his lord. He was slightly less trusting of the all too appreciative looks he was giving the younger man's face and form.

Not his business,  he reminded himself.  Mitsunari could handle turning down Toyori if he dared proposition him. Or accepting it, if that pleased him. He promptly told the part of himself that wanted to hover and discourage that from happening what to do with itself. 

He regretted that decision when the tavern brawl broke out and he spotted Mitsunari in the thick of it.

"Let me down!"  Mitsunari struggled to escape from where Sakon had tossed him over the front of his horse during their escape from the tavern.  Sakon eased the horse to a stop, moving his hand off of Mitsunari's back.  The smaller man wasted no time in leaping off the horse and backing away. His teeth were barred in a snarl. "How dare you!"

"I figured Lord Toyotomi would not be pleased to have to come and get his financial adviser out of jail."  Sakon said simply, sliding off the horse as well. "The guards were coming to arrest us all for rabble-rousing, you know."

"The guards!" Mitsunari scoffed. “The guards who weren’t even there yet were the reason you couldn’t even let me finish a single fight?”

“A single fight?  You started a bar brawl, my lord.”

“As if it’s the first bar brawl either of us has been in!”  

“I believe you previously reminded me of your lack of carousing.  I assumed starting bar brawls wasn’t your usual method of handling an argument."

“Need I remind you who I am retainer to? Do you know how many bar brawls Hideyoshi started back in the day he served under Nobunaga?  Don’t even get me started on when Magoichi is around to encourage him.  And that’s not taking into consideration Masanori and Kiyomasa’s tomfoolery!”

“I suppose perhaps I had not considered that part of it.  All the same, your general manner is one that I assumed you would not be assisting in said brawl.  You don’t seem the type for it.”

"My type, my methods, my manner - stop talking like you know about me.  You don't know the first thing about me."  Mitsunari came forward to grip Sakon's kimono.  "Do you hear me, Sakon? Not a damn thing."

He didn't expect the usually reserved man to be so volatile.  He'd been involved in his gambling and had missed what was said or done that started the fight.  Whatever it was, being forcefully pulled from the brawl hadn't pleased Mistunari one bit. While Sakon did feel guilty for man-handling the smaller man, keeping them both out of jail was more important than a bruise or three - or a bruised ego, which was more likely the case. He had a feeling this was about more than this one action.

He reached up to try to pry Mitsunari's hands off his clothing. "Please calm down, my Lord."

"Don't you "Lord" me! Don't think I don't know what you were thinking! Don't think I don't know!" Mitsunari shoved him back. Hard.

Sakon stumbled, but maintained his footing.  He frowned, trying to understand what the other man was talking about.  "So tell me then, what was I thinking?"

"That I couldn't handle myself.  That I needed protected."  Mitsunari's hands gripped his fan tightly.  "That's why you followed me the first day, right?  Well, I can fight, damn it! And I don't need your protection!"

"Is that what you think?  We were outnumbered back there, Mitsunari.  Anyone with common sense would retreat."

Mitsunari shook his head, his anger unabated. "You aren't the first to make such a misassumption about me, don't think you're special." 

Sakon stayed silent, watching him.  Pieces falling together in the back of his mind. Like a puzzle finally making sense.

"It's easy to make people take you seriously and listen to you when you're ten feet tall! Or fight like a demon on the battlefield. Or look like you just fought a wild cat and won!  It's different when you're… when you're..."  He tried to make gestures, but gave up.  "....me!"

Keiji was the first reference, he'd guess. Though Masanori was a possibility.  Sanada the second. Or maybe Kanetsugu? Would Kiyomasa be the third? Or himself? He was slightly insulted if that was the case, but decided it was secondary to the confessions flowing from his chosen lord's lips.

"I got it in the teeth my first assignment. Nobody would listen. I heard it all, every degrading whispered rumor and insult. I didn't pay my way to my position. I didn't black-mail anyone. I didn't steal someone else's victories and claim them for my own. I didn't spread my legs for Hideyoshi… or Nene ...or any of the other concubines or generals for that matter!" His laugh held no humor.  "Who knows how I could be accused of sleeping with all of them, but I was. So if I had to be twice as hard as any other general to get them to listen to me - then so be it."

It was a painful picture all too easy for Sakon to imagine. A young Mitsunari, just as intelligent, but terribly more naive.  Excited to get his first assignment, determined to do his best for his lord, only to be unable to control the men under his command.  Listening outside a closed partition door as theories to how one so young and pretty got the position were passed around by drunken soldiers.  Each suggestion cutting deeper and deeper into the mind and heart of one without the experience to recognize the petty jealousy fueling those words.

"So now I'm cold, right? Colder than ice. Cruel and cunning as a fox.  I'm one of the most feared retainers of Lord Hideyoshi Toyotomi. Right? I don't care.  I'll be as cold as it takes to protect Toyotomi's dream, you understand? Don't you dare underestimate me, Sakon Shima!"

A part of him had the strongest urge to pull the younger man into his arms and hold him tight.  The pain he was confessing to without realizing it made him want to shield him from the world all the more.  But he was too intelligent to give into whim. Mitsunari was accusing him of not taking him seriously. Of not believing in his abilities. To give in to the need to comfort him would be an injustice to them both.  In time, perhaps, he'd be allowed that privilege, but not this night.

"I have a vestige interest in your continued life." He said slowly instead.  "If I acted prematurely, I can only apologize.  You'll understand, I hope, if I say I can't promise it won't happen again given the current circumstances."

Mitsunari eyed him warily.  Whether doubting in his words, or unhappy that he wasn't promising not to save him again he couldn't say.  "Apology accepted.  But do remember, Sakon, that I hired you as a strategist and general.  I don’t need a bodyguard.”

“It’s a retainer’s place to die for his lord, my lord.”

“If you die fighting a battle I didn’t ask you to, I will be most displeased with you, Sakon.”

“I don’t intend to die yet.”

“Good to know.”

“And for the record, my lord, I don’t serve those I don’t believe in the abilities of.”

“Sakon, I don’t think there’s a lord you haven’t turned down.”  Mitsunari pointed out.

“There’s one.”  Sakon met his gaze.  “And there will be no other lord for me but him.  Ever.”

Mitsunari froze at his words, and after a moment turned his eyes away.  A slight blush seemed to bloom on his features, and Sakon tried not to read anything into that.  “Forgive me for doubting you, Sakon.  I promise I will not again.”

The world had taught them both a lot about not trusting others.  But perhaps, with each other at least, they could defy that lesson.  He’d already made his choice to not outlive another lord.  But in that moment, Sakon felt that conviction both strengthen and change.  It wasn’t simply that he had no intention of outliving another lord; of failing yet again.  It was that there was no future where his heart would survive outliving Mitsunari

Chapter Text

“Sakon! Sakichi!”  The booming voice of Toyori, Sakon’s old friend, sounded through the camp that they had approached.  Mitsunari couldn’t help the cold look he sent the man after their last encounter.

“Toyori.”  Sakon nodded.  “Heading to see one of the generals hiring around here?”

“We are.  Come, join the fire!”  Toyori waved them forward, before turning to the others in the camp.  “I’m sure Sakon needs no introduction, but this is a student of his - Sawa Sakichi.  Heh, he damn near kicked my ass last time we met up.  Sakon bailed me out of the trouble my big mouth got me into, though.”

To his astonishment, Toyori chuckled over the memory and the others in the camp laughed. A few even called out rude comments about how Toyori always got his ass handed to him.  Sakon’s gaze was sharp as he looked back at them from where he had already gone to take a seat at the fire.

Confused as he was by Toyori’s behavior, Mitsunari only waved his concerns away.  He had not told, nor ever intended to tell him what Toyori had said that started the tavern brawl.

"Have you danced in bed for your tutor yet?" Toroyi teased him, keeping his voice low.

"Do you want me to hit you again?" He threatened, voice deadpan.

"Not especially. I just want what's best for my friends."

Mitsunari felt himself pause at the casual use of the word. This was only their second meeting.  The first had ended in the tavern brawl precisely because the other man had suggested he was sleeping with Sakon. An idea that caused a troublesome mix of emotions in him to think about, though he had been much faster to view it as an insult the last time.  A suggestion that he was offering himself to Sakon to learn from him.  It wasn’t exactly a frowned upon concept, but Mitsunari was far too used to others finding fault with his fighting skills to have seen it as anything but a way to mock him.  For Toyori to now use the term friend between them? He couldn't fathom it.  Yet he was certain he was being sincere. "I fail to see how sleeping together would be what's best for us."

"I think it would do you both a world of good. Besides, Sakon has always had a weakness for pretty things." Toroyi winked. "If it's any help, the partners I've met all say he's great in the sack."

"No. It does not help." As if being intelligent and handsome wasn't enough, now he had the thought of how experienced and talented Sakon just might be in bed running around his brain.  He berated himself for indulging in the notion, even momentarily. Sleeping with his chief retainer was out of the question… no matter how tempting it was...

“Care to tell me what that was all about last night?”  Sakon asked him the morning after they’d joined Toyori’s retinue - heading to meet the hiring general with him.  There weren't any permanent positions on offer - just payment for participating in the battle.  Around them a few of the others spoke about how much they guessed was being offered.

“What was what about?”  Mistunari asked him, though he had a guess.

Sakon’s look told him he didn’t believe he didn’t understand him.  “Toyori.  He was the one you were fighting in the tavern that night?”

Mitsunari shrugged.  “Apparently that isn’t unusual from what the others were saying last night.”

“No.  We’ve had a spat or two ourselves.  Toyori lets his mouth get ahead of his head a lot.”  Sakon admitted.  “But just what did he say to cause you to lash out?”

“Does it matter?”  He could feel his face warm up, especially when he glanced towards Toyori and found him looking at him.  The man grinned, sending him a wink.

“Did he proposition you?”  Sakon asked, something odd in his tone.

Mitsunari raised an eyebrow at him.  “I would think you would be encouraging me if he did.  Or did Lord Hideyoshi not tell you to encourage me to sleep with someone?”

Sakon’s expression grew even more complicated.  “I didn’t think you had woken up enough to remember his visit.”

“Not completely.  I remembered faintly hearing his staff.  A murmur of his voice, though I couldn’t tell you what he said.”  Mitsunari’s memories were fuzzy after how much alcohol he had imbibed that evening.  But the sound of the staff - Hideyoshi’s calling card to those who knew him well - had invaded whatever hazy dreams he’d had.  He remembered half waking up, but nothing about their exchange.  Hideyoshi’s tone had been soothing, though.  Lulling him back to sleep. He’d debated if that, too, was part of the dream, but… “I saw the marks his staff made on the ground the following morning.  If he disapproved of my outing, he’d have hung around to guilt me into returning to Sawayama.”

Sakon looked amused now.  “I keep thinking I’m not underestimating you, and you keep making me raise my estimation.”

He tried very hard not to let those words please him, keeping his expression wry as he continued.  “I also know my lord well enough to know the type of things he might say.”

“I believe his words were to see that you had some fun.”

Mitsunari snorted.  “With Lord Hideyoshi, that pretty much means the same thing.”

Sakon chuckled, but didn’t get a chance to say anything further as a loud voice started speaking up ahead.  A loud, familiar voice.

Mitsunari cursed his luck, turning his eyes forward.  Sure enough, the general talking with Toyori was Kiyomasa.

"What are you doing here? Spying on me?"  Kiyomasa accused.

"Don't be ridiculous. I was incognito on tour and happened to get caught up with them." Mitsunari scowled.

"Incognito, dressed like that? What game are you playing?"

"I'm not playing a game." But wasn't he? Out here, under an assumed name. Ignoring his duties to search for - what? A smile? Happiness? In front of Kiyomasa, he suddenly felt ridiculous. What had he been thinking these past few weeks? "If I had known whose army we were joining up with, I'd never-"

"Does Lord Hideyoshi know where you are?" The flash of guilt must have been obvious, from the scowl Kiyomasa favored him with.  As he had been discussing with Sakon earlier, Hideyoshi had discovered this venture before he’d even truly begun it, but it wasn’t as if he had or could have left an itinerary for him.  "You fool! How irresponsible! If something had happened-"

"I have Sakon with me."

"The Yamato samurai? Nene said you'd hired him, but he's barely in your employ. Stupid to trust-"

"Don't tell me how to run my business!"

"Well, maybe if you stuck to your business and left the fighting to the warriors-"

"I can fight just as well as-"

"A fool should know his place."

"Says near the biggest fool I know!"

"You… if you stay, I'm your superior officer. And believe me, you won't be getting near the field."

"That... how dare you-"

"It's not wise to talk back to your superior officer either. Ha! Not liking this game now, are you?"

His hands curled around his fan, but he resisted the urge to hit Kiyomasa... barely. "I'm leaving."

"Good." Kiyomasa turned to head off. "I'll see you back in Osaka, fool."

"You'll see me sooner than you think." Mitsunari crossed his arms, glowering at Kiyomasa's back.

"Sakichi." Toroyi grimaced in pain. "Glad you came back."

"Hold still til the physicians get here." Mitsunari knelt down beside him.

"Don't be stupid. We both know they won't make it in time." Toroyi reached a hand out to brush against his battle garb. "Dressed like that... you're no ronin, are you?"

He shook his head. "Ishida Mitsunari. My pleasure to finally greet you."

"Sakon's lord."

"Yes."

"Hey, that means I put moves on one of the five magistrates. How many soldiers can claim that?"

Mitsunari couldn't help but chuckle. Then the other began to cough. "Toroyi!"

"He sure knows how to pick them. Old Sakon. Worried about a nobody like me. You're special, kid."

"It's deeds and not titles that count. Toroyi, please hold on."

"Definitely knows how to pick them. Now don't cry over me too much, you'll make Sakon jealous."

"Toroyi! Toroyi!"

He’d ignored Kiyomasa when he’d tried to speak to him.  The sun was setting now, and he looked out over the remains of the battlefield.  He’d lost plenty of men in his time.  Toyori’s felt heavy, though.

“My lord?”

He had heard an approach, but hadn’t been certain it was Sakon until he spoke.  “Sakon.”

“It was a rough battle.  Kiyomasa was lucky you chose to bring him some back-up.”

“Not that the fool bothered to show gratitude.”

“It didn’t look like you gave him a chance.”  Sakon mentioned.

Mitsunari frowned.  “Ah, so you’re here to lecture then?”

“... no.  Not in this case.”

“I’m… sorry.  About Toyori.”

Sakon came to stand beside him.  “He isn’t the first friend I’ve lost.  Nor will be the last.  It’s the way of war.”

“Yet this wasn’t his fight.  He didn’t come here for a cause or for loyalty.  It feels wrong somehow.”

“Not everyone has the liberty to choose such things.”  Sakon replied.  “Others have no desire to.  They prefer freedom from expectations or responsibility.”

Mitsunari stayed silent, eyes still on the battlefield.  “You warned me from the start I would hate this.  I suppose I must again bow to your ability to read the situation well in advance.”

“My lord?”

“I couldn’t bear it.  Fighting battle after battle without any ending goal.  Dying for someone I was not loyal to.”

“Preferring loyalty to pragmatism is not a fault.”

“Must one choose one or the other?”

“Not every time.”  Sakon conceded.  “But in my opinion there will always come a time where that choice must be made.”

“And in your opinion?  Which will I choose?”

“I don’t even have to consider that question.  If I did, I wouldn’t have agreed to serve you.”

“And you, Sakon?”

“Life or death, you are my lord.”

“...It’s time we returned to Sawayama.”  He glanced at where Sakon stood beside him, eyes on the battlefield as his were previously.  “Let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

Love was not logical. It wasn't something you could strategize or predict. Falling in love with Mitsunari had been the farthest thing from his mind when he swore himself to his service. Realizing he had fallen in love with him was simply a matter of being brutally honest with himself - which he always strove to be. Deciding what to do about it was a struggle.

He thought he saw signs his feelings might be returned. Mitsunari seemed more willing to rely on him - to let him know his true feelings - than anyone else. There were times he almost seemed to grow flustered around him, and times when he caught glances out of the corner of his eye that seemed filled with an extra warmth.

A part of him couldn't help but want to just drag him into a kiss and be done with it, but he understood him too well now to expect such a tactic to work. There were two possible reactions to such an act.

One, he'd assume he was insulting him. He could feel the phantom sting of his fan just thinking about it, accompanied by an acidic, "I do not spread my legs as payment to retainers. No matter how valuable they think they are." And though the kiss would be worth the pain of being beaten by him, it would not be worth the loss of trust between them.

Two, he'd let him do as he wished, not out of returned feelings, but because he knew he was too useful to chase away. It was far more personally insulting a reaction, and twice as likely to destroy the trust between them.

The first move, if his feelings were returned to begin with, would have to be Mitsunari's. And - given his personality - they'd probably be on death's door before he made it. 

The first thing he'd told himself was it was merely admiration. Sakon was both a strong warrior and exceedingly intelligent. It was natural to admire that.

It was friendship, or a desire to have one, was his second thought. Enjoying his company, feeling happy when he smiled. No different than what he had with Yukimura and Naoe.

It was merely a physical attraction. He hadn't had sex in awhile. Sakon was attractive. It was normal, and would fade in time. Except it didn't, and it wasn't as if he felt any desire to seek out anyone else's touch. Only Sakon's.

It took him over a month to break down and admit he was in love. It wasn't as though he hadn't been in love before. But, like with all things emotional, his history was not encouraging.

His first love had been a soldier under his brother in the Azai forces. Gangly youths stumbling out clumsy confessions, and sneaking away from duties to steal time together. His first kiss, hidden beneath the boughs of a cherry tree, had come with a promise to return and steal him away from the temple his brother was sending him to. Except he was never to return, dying in battle instead when the Azai turned against the Oda.

There was also the merchant widow who he'd mentioned to Sakon. Perhaps it had not been an earth shattering, mountains moving love, but it had been there. A warm glow between them that could have been fanned into a fire. But he was not ready to settle down, and she would not have accepted even if he had. I don't want to be a lord's wife, she'd said when she told him of her engagement. Too much was expected of a lord's wife. She liked the freedom being a merchant's wife gave her. Being a lord's wife would be stifling. He still did business with her, and a warm friendship had stayed where passion had cooled.

He told himself the same would happen with Sakon. Instead, both feelings and passion seemed to be growing stronger with time. It probably didn't help that he saw him on a near daily basis. Each interaction proving again and again how easily the other understood him.  How easily he trusted him in return. How well they worked together.  How the warmth of smiles offered freely to him again and again affected him.

He also hadn't realized how often Sakon invaded his space until he found himself getting aroused from gentle touches on his shoulder and back and breath flowing across his skin from whispered information.

There was nothing sexy about, "There's rumors the Ashina met with the Hojo." But his body didn't seem to care what Sakon whispered, so long as he did it in his ear. He hadn't taken so many cold baths since his youth. There was the tempting idea to release the tension with Sakon's face and form in mind, but if he met him soon after - which was likely - he was certain he wouldn't be able to look at him without growing red in the face with shame. Cold baths it was.

Confession was out of the question. He'd recruited the man in a whorehouse, so it seemed unlikely he'd even be interested physically, let alone emotionally. Though, there'd been the things Toroyi had said - insulting though his first words had been.

"Do you dance as prettily in bed as on the battlefield? Or are you saving that as a thank you for your tutor?" Had been the words that started the brawl the first night.

"Sakon has always had a weakness for pretty things." Toroyi had even winked when he'd teased him before that final battle.

The man had known Sakon for years, and had seemed to think there was a chance they were sleeping together . But he didn't want him to sleep with him for fun or - even worse - pity.

But in Toroyi and his final conversation it had almost seemed like he was telling him...

"Definitely knows how to pick them. Now don't cry over me too much, you'll make Sakon jealous."

But then retainers grew jealous as well. Many were jealous of his close ties to Hideyoshi, and there was certainly nothing romantic involved. He shouldn't feed himself false hope. Sakon was his trusted retainer. Anything more was a daydream that could never be.

He was not a lovesick youth pining for a pretty girl. He was not going to go out and get drunk because his chosen lord did not see him as a potential mate. Except nothing drove men of all ages to the bottle faster than trouble in love, and they were in Echigo. Echigo had the best liquor. When Keiji had invited him out, he decided getting roaringly drunk was exactly what he needed.

There'd been something that flashed across Mitsunari's face that was gone too fast to pinpoint. But then his mask was in place and his farewell had been an acidic, "Try not to do anything to tarnish my name."

Several hours and countless drinks later, he decided Mitsunari's tale of Naoe drinking Keiji under the table was downright legend worthy. The blonde was a bottomless pit who showed no signs of slowing down.

"How are things with the brat?" Keiji asked him.

"Oh, always interesting." There'd been the visit to Osaka first, then the work on Sawayama castle, running off as ronins for a time, and catching up on things after. Could it really have only been a year now?

"I'll bet!" Keiji's booming laugh filled the room. "But, seriously, you're clearly out to drink yourself to a stupor. So... what's the story?"

The idea of getting his feelings off his chest had been too tempting to resist, and telling Keiji hadn't seemed likely to backfire. In hindsight, it might have been the liquor doing the thinking at that point.

Mitsunari never drank to excess, and wasn't fool enough to try to keep up with Naoe. On a normal day when the man he had unrequited feelings for hadn't just gone carousing with Keiji Maeda. He was certain he'd read about men drowning in drink to escape unrequited love and broken hearts.  It was still more the liquor than tragic love tales that led to him confessing his trouble to Naoe.

"I'm in love."

Naoe had stared at him, clearly confused. "Congratulations?"

He shook his head. "I'm in love with Sakon."

Maybe it was the liquor, but he swore he could see Naoe connecting his words and the situation in his mind. "Does he know?"

"Of course not. I'm no fool."

"To wish for love to be returned is not foolish."

"To confess to someone, knowing they'll reject you is the height of foolishness."

"To assume one knows another's heart is dangerous."

"...I don't want to lose him."

Naoe sighed, and refilled both their cups. "I don't think you could push him away if you tried."

"I don't want to test that theory."

"Maybe it would be worth it."

"Nothing is worth losing him."

"Not even gaining him?"

"...he'd be a fool to choose me."

"When it comes to love, there is no man not born a fool."

"I can't. I just can't."

"You know, if we want to do this properly, they should be naked."

"Keiji, I do want my best friend to talk to me sometime in the next decade."

"So, no?"

"No "

"I take it back. You're still no fun."

Naoe, for all his good points, was about as subtle as a brick. By letting Keiji pull the prank of placing Sakon and him in the same bed that night, he was telling him to be a man about his problem and confess.

That was easier said than done. He was not the type to express his feelings openly, if at all. He already felt more exposed with his chief retainer than anyone else. He was not a dumb man - surely he'd picked up on the hints of his feelings. What if his silence on the matter was him expressing his disinterest in a nonverbal way? When Naoe and he met up later in the day, and it was clear he hadn't even attempted to confess, the look his friend shot at him spoke volumes. If Naoe wasn't even verbally lecturing him, he must have been more pathetic than even he imagined.

He spent the next week trying to get the words out, with each conversation sounding remarkably similar, and equally pitiful.

"Sakon."

"My lord?"

"...nevermind."

"Sakon."

"My lord?"

"I wanted to speak to you about… don't worry, it isn't important."

"Sakon."

"My lord?"

"I'm… I'm… going to need a new inkstone soon."

"...I'll be sure to let the appropriate staff know..."

Perhaps pitiful was giving himself too much credit...

Something had been bothering Mitsunari all week. His lord did not randomly make comments on needing new inkstones on a normal basis. He seemed to want to say something, but kept changing his mind. Keiji's prank had luckily not seemed to cause any ill will. Though the feeling of holding Mitsunari in his arms would fuel his dreams for some time to come. Still, it would be arrogant to presume the two things were connected. He still couldn't be certain his feelings for his lord were returned, and he certainly didn't harbor any illusions that he would freely confess even if they were.

"Sakon, wait," Mitsunari suddenly stood to come around the desk when he went to leave after his latest report. "There's been something I... there's a matter I wish to... it can wait."

"My lord, we've had similar discussions all week. If I was a pretty maid, I'd think you were a tongue tied youth trying to confess." It was a jest as much at his own hidden feelings as anything, but by the utterly mortified look on Mitsunari's face, it was clear he'd unintentionally hit the nail on the head.

"Well, pretty maids aren't the only ones confessed to." Mitsunari looked away, face flushing with embarrassment. "Of course, I understand the chances of you returning my feelings is nigh nonexistent, and I wouldn't want you to feel obligated to-"

Sakon silenced him by grabbing him by the shoulders and dragging him into the kiss he'd held himself off from taking for months. He took full advantage of his mouth being open from speaking to slide his tongue inside to taste him thoroughly. When Mitsunari reached up to push his hands off his arms, he expected him to pull away.  Instead he wrapped an arm around his neck, and pulled him tighter against him - mouth closing around his tongue to suck on the invader. Sakon growled, settling his hands on his hips to press them even tighter against his own, drowning himself in the pleasure of taste and touch. Mitsunari released the suction with a moan as heat spread through him and Sakon took back over the kiss - teeth clacking as he devoured the mouth so willingly opened to him.

When they finally broke apart, they were both panting for breath. "Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do that?" Sakon asked him.

"If it isn't sometime after I employed you, I may have to hit you."

Sakon drew back slightly to look him in the eye. "I had no thoughts of bedding you when I accepted your offer of employment." He kept his tone serious, knowing it was important that they both understood this fact. "I swore myself to the service of a lord… I just happened to fall in love with him after."

A look of relief crossed Mitsunari's face, and he leaned his head against Sakon's shoulder. "Perhaps that was unfair-"

"No." Sakon cut him off. "If I knew a man entered your employ with the mindset to seduce you, I would neither like or trust him. It was fair to ask if I follow you merely as a lover, or as a retainer first and foremost.”

It was exactly what he needed to hear.  Sakon always knew what he needed to hear. He didn't always appreciate what that was, but this time he didn't mind at all.  “I trust you.  And I love you.”

Sakon leaned in to rest their foreheads against each other.  “Equal honors I swear to prove myself worthy of.”

“You already have.”  He pressed a kiss lightly to the other's lips.  "We're being careless... in my office is hardly appropriate..."

Sakon stole one more brief kiss before releasing him. "Of course, my lord.  Though, would it be too bold to ask to continue this discussion tonight... in your quarters?" His gaze was sly as he stepped back.

"Sakon, if you don't come to my quarters tonight, I'll be most displeased with you come morning."

Chuckling, he leaned closer one last time, his breath flowing over his ear, and causing a shiver of pleasure down his spine. "Tonight then."

"Go on already. I don't pay you to stand around my office." Mitsunari gave his shoulder a shove. Sakon only laughed before exiting. For the rest of the day, Mitsunari found himself having to fight the urge to smile.