Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bam hadn't expected his brother Wangnan to take him to this old abandoned library. Now that they arrived, he found he really enjoyed looking around at the mossy walls, some covered in vines and some not. They navigated haphazard piles of broken stone, likely from lightning strikes on the building itself or water damage that made the roof crumble. Wind whistled in the windows, shattered glass littered the ground, and crunched beneath his feet as they walked through it. 

It could have been caused by anything from hail to fallen tree branches.

Late September air made Bam shiver, and in the dark of the night Bam’s only beacon ended up being his brother’s vibrant blond hair. Using a flashlight made it too easy to get caught so they avoided using one as much as possible. Not that it mattered most of the time, both of them had amazing eyesight in the dark. On top of that, the full moon high in the sky acted as their own natural flashlight. Tonight, however, something…unnatural made the air a little bit colder and the surroundings eerier. 

As Bam looked around, it drove him a little crazy since he couldn't figure it out. The hairs on the back of his arms stood on end, and he kept seeing something out of the corner of his eye. Blue. Blue and shining. If it would stay still for more than three seconds, he would think the figure could even be pretty. Every time he nearly laid eyes on it, however, the shining light would disappear around another corner.

“Hey, Bam! This way, what’s taking you so long?” Wangnan called out, nearly startling Bam out of his skin. 

“Sorry! I thought I saw something!” Bam responded, jogging to try and meet him.

Ghost, I see you standing there

Don't turn away, I want you to stay

Ghost, what's your name?

Why so surprised? I'm interested

After about half an hour, Bam finally noticed something more than an orb of light or a rough outline of a body. When he turned his head to look at it, he saw a tall blue-haired figure reach towards one of the shelves. They tried to pull a book, only it dropped to the ground with a thud. This startled the ghost and they only frowned at the book, then at their hand as if it offended them. 

Now that the ghost seemed to be distracted, Bam took the opportunity to get even closer, about a few feet away, keeping his footsteps light. “Hey, are you okay?”

The spirit’s head snapped up. Eyes of a deep, rich blue pinned him, making Bam wonder if he saw through them as they stared at each other in shock. Then, the ghost turned and tried to phase past one of the walls.

“No, wait! Come back!” Bam tried to call, trying to grab his arm, but went right across his body instead. Nothing there, but it felt like he had dunked his hand in frigid winter water. “Who are you?” He watched as their eyes widened into saucers. “Please don’t go, talk to me.”

“What do you see?” the spirit asked him, going from shell-shocked to suspicious, shoulders tensing, body turned to the side, and eyes narrowing. “Can you even hear me? There’s no way. I’ve been here for months and no one has…” While they muttered the last part under their breath Bam still heard it clearly.

“I hear you,” Bam assured, taking a step towards them by reflex. God, they were so pretty even as a spirit. What happened to them? He tried to look for any obvious injuries, but the spirit held their arm across their left side and away from him, protective of themselves. “You’re transparent, tall, blue hair and eyes…I’m not sure what your, um…gender is.”

That information gave the person pause and Bam heard the most adorable amused scoff and chuckle, but they ducked their head, their hair fell to cover their face. Bam wanted to move it out of the way. “I’m a man, thank you.”

“Bam! Bam, you okay? I lost track of you, where are you?” Bam watched as his brother came around the corner, startling the pretty blue spirit. “There you are! What’s up? I thought I heard your voice. Something about blue?”

Bam’s mouth twitched but he didn’t let anything else on as he watched Wangnan walk closer and right by the spirit, who simply sighed and looked exasperated. “The lighting in here looks blue because of the moon outside. It’s pretty, huh?” Bam commented casually.

Wangnan seemed thoughtful for a moment, glancing around freely, “Yeah, I guess it is.”

You're just a soul that blends into the crowd

I hear you so loud no one else hears a sound

You reach out your hand no one else feels a thing

And I'm just a stranger who could be a friend

“You don’t see me at all,” Blue mumbled and reached out, swiping his hand through Wangnan’s shoulder and back. The blond stiffened and visibly shivered, teeth chattering. “Of course not. Why are you different, Bam?”

Aw damn, hearing his name on the voice of Blue made Bam swoon. “Get a cold shiver, Wan?”

“Yeesh, yeah you could say that. I’m gunna start heading out. We shouldn’t linger too long or we’ll get caught. I’m not seeing anything too interesting really.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” Bam and Blue spoke at the same time and that made Bam smile while Blue stared at him with wide eyes that suddenly shined with intrigue.

“Oh ha-ha,” Wan stuck his tongue out at him, “You fuck around however long you want, I’m gunna leave and keep watch. You know the drill.”

“Yeah yeah,” Bam waved his hand and Wangnan left him to his own devices.

“So you like books?” Blue asked tentatively. “So, was coming to a haunted library your idea?”

Reaching down and picking up the book that had fallen when Blue tried to pull it out, he looked up at him and smiled warmly. “No, but Wangnan did invite me because he knew I liked books and libraries. They’re calming to me. What about you? Why are you stuck here, Blue?”

Another snort and chuckle, “Calling me Blue, huh?”

“Well, you never gave me a name.” Bam shrugged.

“That’s fair…” A long sigh out of him, and he still didn’t give him one and it frustrated Bam a little. “I had a few hiding spots I would disappear to when things got to be…too much. This library is one of those places. Not a lot of people think libraries are a fun place to visit for ghost hunting.”

“So far I’ve been very captivated,” Bam stepped a little closer to him and watched him duck his head again. “I’ll be sure to come back. You said you’ve been here for a few months, right? Not very long at all, though I always thought ghosts don’t really have a concept of time.”

“I know it hasn’t been that long since I became…like this. The seasons are only just starting to change.” Blue explained carefully. 

“You’re very clear for a spirit, and have at least enough energy if you can pull a book from a shelf. Is this one you’ve read before?” Bam held it up for him.

Blue leaned closer and hummed before shrugging, “I’d been thinking about reading it…along with a few others. I was in the middle of one, before…” he shrugged. 

“What if I come back and read it to you?” Bam asked eagerly, “Perhaps read other books you’ve wanted to try, too?”

You could have been so great

I won't let you slip away

Is there any hope for us left

Even a ghost needs a friend

Blue stared at him as if he had lost his mind, but Bam didn’t bat an eye. It certainly wouldn’t be the last time someone looked at Bam like that. After a long moment, Blue must have realized he had a genuine desire, but he still tilted his head and furrowed his brows, “Why? Why do you want to do this for me? Wouldn’t you get caught hanging out on abandoned property?”

Smiling at him warmly, Bam could’ve sworn he heard the other’s breath hitch. How odd, spirits didn’t need to breathe. Bam’s chest tingles in a way he didn’t want to think about quite yet. “There’s always that chance, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I want to try. You must be lonely here, all by yourself for so long. Even just a few months is rough on someone’s mind, living or dead.” Blue looked really young, too. About his age, which made Bam’s heart hurt even more as he said it. If things had gotten rough in his life, and this place had become an escape, a safe haven, did anyone even…mourn him? “Let me be here for you. I can make the time.”

Blue put his hand on his chin and his cheeks puffed out adorably. Bam didn’t quite understand why he had become so attracted to this ghost. That train would only lead to heartbreak, so he didn’t let it show on his face at all. “Alright…” Blue finally agreed after a long moment, “We can…hang out, I suppose, if you’re so adamant about it. I could…show you where the book I was reading is located? If you’d like, that is.”

“That sounds wonderful!” Bam grinned from ear to ear, “Please don’t phase through any walls, I can’t exactly follow that way.”

Blue snorted, “Right, of course. I’ve been following you around since you got here, so we’ll just backtrack a little bit.”

You could have been someone

But you let them into your head

I want you to know this instead

That I see the light in your chest

“I knew I saw you!” Bam bounced, golden eyes lighting up, “I kept seeing a light out of the corner of my eye. I’m so glad I found you!”

Blue blinked slowly at him, “You’re…glad? You don’t even know who I am…”

“Do I need to? I mean, I’d like to know your name, but if you don’t want to tell me that’s your business. Just like it’s your business to tell me how you died if you want to or not. You’ve been favoring or hiding your left side, but besides that, I don’t know anything.”

“You…noticed such a simple thing?” Blue seemed taken aback, “I didn’t think I was that…obvious.”

Bam’s expression softened, “I just notice things, is all. How about that book, hmm?”

“Right…” Blue paused for another moment, simply watching him, and finally motioned the direction they would be going and led the way.

“You saw him, didn’t you?” Bam inquired of his brother once they got far enough away from the library. 

“Yup.” Wangnan answered, popping the p.

“What did you think?” Bam pushed, eager to know his thoughts of the pretty blue man. Could he really let his heart pine for a spirit? He wondered if his big heart could handle that type of ache. “He said he’d only been there a few months. I said I’m surprised he has that much energy for such a short amount of time.”

A thoughtful hum vibrated his throat, and they fell into silence as Wangnan wrangled with his words. They had a really unique, albeit sad situation on their hands. “Clearly he got stabbed. Alleyway robbery, maybe. Looked like a rich kid who sounded like he had bad luck.”

“Could it really be that simple? His family life was bad…” Bam frowned deeply.

“What, you think he might’ve been murdered?” Wangnan shot him a concerned look, “That’s quite a deep accusation to make…besides, I think I know what family he might’ve been from, at the very least. Saying he got…that’s not something you want to toss out there willy-nilly, Bam.”

Giving Bam some inkling of a clue ended up being his brother’s mistake, as he latched onto it and whirled on him, “Why? What do you know? He was suffering, lonely, and sad! I read to him and he looked so peaceful. What if I can help him move on?!”

“Goddamn it, Bam…” Wangnan cursed some more under his breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, “What if Jinsung finds out? He’s a detective, and-”

“Jinsung knows my mom had been a Medium.” Bam defended quickly, “If we get in trouble for exploring abandoned places fine, we’ll deal with it, but if he was murdered then Jinsung might be able to find out more information-”

Wangnan squared up with him on the sidewalk, “So you’re going to use your family influence to do this, Bam?” 

That made the whirlwind going on in Bam’s head come to a screeching halt and he looked at his brother, blinking slowly, a bit like a deer caught in the headlights. Wangnan arched a brow at him and he rubbed his lips. Bam slowly let air from his nose and squared up as well.

Bam had tried very hard not to do it. His family had been well known and even revered. Wangnan’s father had been the legal guardian that had taken him after they passed away from a car accident. However, he had been so distraught that he passed him off to Jinsung who raised him instead. 

To invoke his family name. What they had been known for. To call upon Jinsung's help as a Detective. Accusing whatever family the boy in the library came from of murder …Wangnan was right and he should choose his steps carefully.

Pale blue hair framed deep blue eyes, and they stared back at him when he closed his own eyes.

"I will." Bam told Wangnan slow but firm, "I am and I will. He needs help. I'm willing to do that. As a Grace. It's what I'm meant for."

"Maybe, but this pretty boy Blue must've really struck you deep. I don't know how, and I don't know if I should be happy or not, but I'm proud of you for putting your foot forward and standing your ground, Bam." Wangnan reached out and patted his shoulder, "Let's hurry home, I'm absolutely beat. We can figure all this out tomorrow."

Chapter Text

Ghost, where you from?

I can take you away, so far away

"Are you ever going to tell me your name, Blue?"

Blue brought his gorgeous eyes up to meet Bam's from the book they had been reading. Surprise colored his face at his question, clearly caught off guard. A few blinks and he composed himself again, giving him a charming smile, "What happened to not pressuring me, hmm?"

Blue’s lips lifted but the smile didn't sit right on his face and it upset Bam. It felt as if even after the time they spent together, Blue seemed to have expected Bam to turn on him. The end of October and Samhain made everything feel even more intense. He had done everything he could to make Blue feel safe and cared for. What would it take for him to trust him? Maybe a month hadn’t exactly been a long time, but it already felt as if they had spent an eternity together. "Curiosity got to me, Blue. It's okay. You don't have to tell me."

Blue's eyes fell away from him and down to his lap, a bit of shame souring his face. "Sorry, Bam…I like it when you call me Blue. It…helps me feel like…someone else. Someone not…me. I don't want that to go away."

"You wouldn't have told me that normally, as who you used to be, right?" Not for the first time, Bam wanted to reach out to him, but he resisted the urge. How does one begin to comfort a ghost?

"Yeah. That's right. You are good to me, Bam. No one's ever…made time for me like you have. You talk to me about your life and yet you still come here to this broken-down library to talk to me, to read to me and spend time with me. Yet you don't even know who I am." The more he spoke the more upset he sounded and it made Bam's heart ache.

Ghost, I'll make sure they all see

The kind of man, that you can be

"You're someone who likes fantasy books and adventures where the people in it change and become better people. Stories where hard choices are made to benefit others but the people making those decisions would have never done them before they met the group they made an attachment to. To save someone they care for, be it sacrifice or coming back after leaving to save them when they're in trouble." Bam listed off and watched Blue snap his head up again, cobalt eyes huge, "You care more than you ever let on. You wanted to be somebody. You had a dream, Blue. I don't know what that dream was, but you wanted to be better, at the very least."

Jinsung had been searching by his request, but while clues dropped here and there, his adopted dad didn't want to tell him any details. Not yet. Bam hoped for it soon. Once upon a time, too young to really understand, he had wished for his parents to come back. Now, he wished to help Blue in some way equally as much. For now, being his companion and filling the void became his purpose and Bam didn’t mind.

Somehow, Blue appeared emotional, throat bobbing from tightness and his eyes showed him close to crying. Spirits couldn't cry, though. Bam worried his lip and his hand moved of its own accord, going to skim along the outline of Blue’s jaw. Blue made a choking gasping sound and froze in place, eyes giant in his shock. Bam’s fingertips had been dipped in frigid water, but some sort of odd spark accompanied it. Blue’s head started to tilt into his hand- 

A flicker and Blue disappeared. 

Open your lungs and inhale my words

Alarmed, Bam’s eyes darted around and he stood up, “Blue! Blue, where did you go?” Goddamn it, his heart hammered in his chest and now he wondered if he’d done something wrong. Sure the veil between worlds had become thin tonight, but did that really mean he had been able to touch him? “Blue!”

“B-am…Bam! I’m here,” Blue's voice echoed in the halls, eerie and far away.

Bam whipped around. At first, he didn’t see anything, but then the barest outline appeared. “Blue!” Rushing over, he wanted to grab him, concerned and frantic, “There you are! Are you okay? Where did you go?”

“I…” Blue held his head, swaying and Bam had to refrain from trying to catch him. Not like he’d be able to. “I don’t know. I felt…you were so warm, Bam…sunlight in your palm, and then…everything got so bright.” Blue’s eyes met his, confused and dazed, “I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m here now.”

It got bright, and his hand felt warm to Blue. Bam knew that had to mean something. Bright light. That usually meant moving on, and Bam had been trying to accomplish that. Yet this didn’t feel quite right. ‘Can spirits feel the warmth of other people? Is that a thing?’ Bam had never heard of it before.

“Hey, I know we haven’t really known each other long, but I’ve been glad to come here. It may not be every day, but every time I do I’m excited to see you, Blue.” He stepped near him as Blue seemed to swallow thickly. “If I come by one day and you’re not here, I’ll be sad, of course, but I hope it means you’re somewhere better. Better than what you had before, and better than what you have now. Until then, I want to know as much about you as you’re willing to tell me. Even if it’s through stories. I can bring a journal if you just want to talk instead of reading. I like writing. It helps get my thoughts out.”

I see in your eyes a reflection of hurt

Blue’s hands clenched and unclenched, wanting to reach. Bam knew what that was like, to want to reach even though he was unable. “Bam…you’re too good to me. You’re wonderful. Every single time…time doesn’t really exist for me, but whenever you pop onto the grounds, I feel you and I want to be near you. I’ve never wanted that before. I’m surprised I can still want things. Aren’t ghosts supposed to be trapped in some sort of loop?”

“Not always,” Bam chuckled and his eyes softened, looking at him tenderly, “You said my hand felt like sunlight and warm. That makes me so happy. I’m glad to know you feel comfortable around me. Safe.” He held his hands up, palms facing upwards, and watched as Blue placed his hands over his own. Fascination flickered over Blue’s face and it made Bam’s chest hurt when the realization struck him. Blue had been so lost even before when he had been human.

“Stay with me…” Blue’s eyes pleaded with him, “I won’t…I won’t stay because I want to be around you, alright? I just…want you to stay and keep coming around as often as possible. Until I’m ready. Until I’m…gone.”

It hurt. It hurt so much to hear those words come from Blue’s mouth. Bam nodded, chin trembling, and he tried really hard not to start crying. “I will, Blue. I won’t leave you alone. For as long as I can, and for as long as you’re here.”

The book in your mind hasn't come to an end

There's always a page, that hasn't been read

“This is it. The hospital room.” 

Of all the things Bam had expected Jinsung to find, this hadn’t come to mind.

“I found him.” Jinsung had said, and now the stark white walls of the hospital room felt unreal. They compressed on him and Bam chose instead to focus on the reason why they had come all this way to the other side of the city. 

Blue, real as all could be, laid on the hospital bed and pale. Ivory skinned and hollow-cheeked, sunken eyes and chapped lips. The steady drip of whatever kept him alive flowed right into his arm, veins purple and prominent. 

Bam, in a daze, didn’t register his feet moving. Suddenly he stood right next to the bed, and oh god his hair felt so soft. Not too long, to his shoulders as his spirit form reflected, but far more unruly and lacking the distinguishing braids on the sides. Bam’s fingers twitched and he wanted so badly to put them back where they belonged. 

‘You were so warm, and then everything got so bright.’ Bright. Warmth. Bam caressed Blue’s cheek-

No. His name…Blue had a name now. A name to the face after two months. “Aguero…I’m here. I got you, I found you. Everything will be okay.” Bam carded his fingers in Aguero’s pretty light blue bangs, “You’re not dead.”

You could have been so great

“He’s not dead, but he’s gotten close. He almost woke up about a month ago, and we’ve been keeping a close eye on his vitals since then, but still not much has changed.” The nurse explained to both of them. “Eduan Khun has been paying for all the medical bills.” Bam felt his world go sideways. A month ago. Samhain. That had been when he had touched Aguero’s cheek.

Jinsung reacted to that, his head swiveling around to stare her down, “Eduan himself?”

“Y-Yes, sir. The person who stabbed him was one of Aguero’s siblings, and Eduan took personal offense to that.”

“Odd. Eduan doesn’t usually care about his offspring.” Jinsung glanced towards where Bam hadn’t moved from beside Aguero’s side. “I wonder what makes you so special, kid.”

“He’s smart and he’s a good person.” Bam piped up before he could stop himself and he met Jinsung’s hard gaze, “I don’t know Eduan like you do, but if he’s keeping Aguero alive then I’m thankful. I know being in a coma is hard on someone, but he’s still here. He hasn’t given up. Aguero’s stronger than that.”

Jinsung’s lips quirked up, “If you say so, Bam, then I don’t have much reason to disbelieve you. You always had a good judge of character.” 

A good judge of character. Bam returned his attention to Aguero and petted his hair again. “Yeah…” that day when he called Aguero out on wanting to be better had been monumental for them. He’d seen right through the man he had called Blue, and if spirits could cry Aguero would’ve. “I suppose I am.”

"Blue, may I touch you again?" Bam asked the following night, a lot still on his mind. It had been an attempted murder after all, but the why seemed to be a Khun Family matter he wasn't privy to. No big deal, really. If it had been a case already then nothing could be done about it on his end and he didn't want to put himself into that kind of trouble. Not when he was needed here.

"You want to…try?" Aguero blinked slowly at him. God, Bam couldn't wrap his head around the fact he had a name now. 

Setting the book he was reading down, Bam nodded and Aguero resituated himself to be facing him instead, legs crossed and watching him with a small tilt of his head. Bam likewise changed his position to be on his knees in front of him. Even if Bam had wanted to, he hadn't tried touching Aguero since Samhain. He supposed fear had been the reason, but now he didn't have that fear. Aguero was alive in a coma. This entity in front of him had to be a spirit, but after giving it some thought he also came to a realization that he had technically been Astral Projecting. A rare skill, but it made a lot of sense putting it all together. 

"If things get bright and stuff, don't worry about it. Do you trust me?" Bam asked gently. Aguero's brows pinched together and he rubbed his lips. Their eyes locked and Bam would describe the feeling of watching Aguero's soft smile form as wonder and following that came excitement. Grinning, he lifted both hands up and slowly skimmed the outline of Aguero's head. Cobalt blues fluttered shut and Bam's chest constricted, his mouth going dry. Dipping into an ice-cold pond, trying to grasp at something but coming up empty. Yet the more he smoothed his fingers over Aguero's hair and moved to skim over different parts of his face, Aguero tilted his head to follow Bam's movements, a flower drawn to sunlight. Face warming at the comparison, Bam 'stroked' the back of his knuckles over his cheek the best he could. Aguero's mouth parted and he inhaled.

A flicker and Aguero faded from his sight. This time instead of panicking, Bam smiled warmly and dropped his hands, moving to gather his things. Everything got quiet and Bam knew how someone could go crazy being lonely.

A thud behind him made Bam jump and he spun around, seeing Aguero in a heap on the ground. Rushing over he landed on his knees and waved his hands, uncertain about what to do. "Blue! What happened?!" 

Aguero's breathing had become erratic and he was putting gouges into the dirt, shaking hard and clearly freaking out. "I don't know! I don't…I tried to let it happen but then there was a rush all around me of sounds I couldn't make out and I couldn't move and-"

"Shhhhh, it's okay, Blue. You're safe. You're back at the library. I'm right here." Bam took the risk of putting his hand on Aguero's on the ground, trying to simulate placing it over the knuckles. Aguero's hand snapped up and grabbed him, nails biting flesh. Bam felt the burn but did his best not to show it. “I won’t leave until you’ve calmed down, I promise.” 

Peering up at him, wide-eyed and trembling as if he was a leaf outside still clinging to a tree, Aguero’s grip didn’t falter for a good long minute. Once his shaking subsided, his hand phased through Bam’s arm and he tumbled onto his front. Aguero only took the roll in stride, placing his head on his arms. “Thank you, Bam…” he murmured.

Bam’s hand glided over the dip of his spine, offering comfort where he could. Not yet, then. Aguero would have to come to grips with the fact that if he gave in and went, he would have to experience that again. All those nurses and doctors at the hospital had to be frantic right now and frustrated, but nothing could be done if Aguero wasn’t ready. “I can read you one more chapter of that story if you’d like?” he offered kindly, “Take your mind off of it?”

“Yeah…” Aguero nodded and lifted his head, shifting so he was sitting and his arms draped tiredly over his legs, “I’d like that.”

Bam smiled and nodded firmly, moving back over to the bookshelves. Not yet, but sometime soon.

Chapter Text

I won't let you slip away

Is there any hope for us left

Even a ghost needs a friend

"Why are you here, Bam? Didn't you have plans with your brother?" Aguero stared at the perky brunette as he jogged up to him, tiny ponytail swishing behind him. Everything had turned into a deep navy blue now that the moonlight had faded. The sun would be up soon, he knew that much. "How long have you been awake ?"

Bam laughed sheepishly and rubbed his neck, jostling the beanie he wore to keep his head and ears warm. "I took a nap, I promise. I also spent plenty of time with Wangnan, don't you worry. Now it's your turn!" He chirped.

Even though Bam knew his identity, he hadn't informed Aguero of that. After spending most of his time with his physical body during the daytime, Bam would often sleep for a little while after visiting hours were over and then come right to the library. Aguero never made any indication that he remembered or knew about the visits to his body. He didn't even realize that he still had one to return to. For some reason the trip back to himself last month, that had scared him so bad, didn’t make him wonder or question.

Absently, Bam rubbed his wrist where Aguero’s spirit form had grabbed him. It had been so tight he left deep scratch marks that scarred over. Not only did his wrist hurt, but his left side did as well. A trip to the hospital had yielded…fascinating results, but so far what he had seen there hadn’t shown up here. The man in front of him clearly appeared to be a personification of what Aguero expected himself to look like, not a reflection. 

"My turn, huh?" Aguero chuckled, "What sort of plan do you have, hmm? Reading another book?" He seemed downtrodden when he said it. "Bam, you-"

"I decided to see the Christmas morning sunrise with you, Blue!" Bam cut him off, never faltering in his bright grin. 

“Bam…” Aguero’s throat bobbed with emotion, “Why? Why with me? Isn’t your family more important? I didn’t expect to see you at all for a day or two…”

“You deserve something nice for Yule, too. I may not be able to give you anything physical, but I can give you me.” Bam told him as though he told him the most obvious, simplest answer. The entire time, gentle warm pools of sunlight watched him. “We can read a book if you want to, but I want to be present, here, with you .” Holding his hands out palm-up he watched Aguero, wondering if he would accept this.

Aguero looked choked up and unsure how to respond. Staring at Bam’s hands he bit his lip, “You…don’t even know my name.”

“Do I need to?” Bam murmured, but then swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. Now or never, it seemed. He had to take the opportunity. “What if I told you I already knew your name?”

Aguero’s head snapped up so fast Bam would’ve worried about his neck had he been in his physical body. “You…you know? When? How?” He stepped back, the snow staying pristine underneath his feet.

You could have been someone

But you let them into your head

I want you to know this instead

That I see the light in your chest

Bam’s gaze turned a little sad, expecting this. However, his hands remained helpless and open, “Aguero, I’ve known for a little while now. After Samhain. I didn’t…want to ruin what we had, since you didn’t seem to, either. You wanted to be Blue, so I let you have that. I’m still here, though. I haven’t wanted to leave you behind.”

Mouth opening and closing a few times, Aguero visibly shook, his own hands open and vulnerable at his sides. “How?” he repeated, voice weak.

“My adopted dad is a Detective.” Bam explained simply. Other family relations didn't matter right now. “You’re not dead, Aguero.”

A dumbfounded wide-eyed stare.

“No.” Aguero shuffled back a little further, “No, no, I…but everything went so cold, I thought for sure I…”

“You got stabbed on the left side of your stomach and left to rot in an alleyway by a family member who wanted you dead. You’re not, though. You’re in a coma in the hospital-”

“Bam, stop-”

“Why do you think you couldn’t move?” Bam demanded and hands clenched into fists briefly. He had to get him to understand. “That bright light, the muffled voices, the heaviness of your limbs? The hospital room, the doctors and nurses, and your muscles are weak, Aguero!” he took a step towards him, the snow parting over his boot, ruining the previously undisturbed plane of white. His hands unclenched and reached for him, skimming his head of blue hair, “You’re so smart, Aguero. Believe me. Trust me. Isn’t it strange? How do I feel so warm to you? You shouldn’t feel me, love.”

Bam froze. Shit.

Owlish cobalt blues blinked slowly at him. “Love?”

Well, at least it gave Aguero enough of a pause and he stopped panicking briefly.

Feeling his face grow hot Bam nodded to him, expression sheepish. “Y-Yeah. I…I’ve fallen in love with you these last few months, Aguero.”

“With… me ?” Aguero couldn’t seem to wrap his head around it. “Bam…why? Why…me? You shouldn’t-”

“Don’t tell me I shouldn’t love you.” Bam’s gaze became fierce and firm and he dropped his hands. “I didn’t fall in love with Blue, though it started then. I fell in love with Aguero , the man who wanted to be better and had so many dreams and aspirations. I found out you wanted to someday take over your father’s company. Hachuling and Ran came by to see you one day while I visited you there.” He had to get back on track. “You had so much to live for then, and I’m trying to tell you that you can still do that .” 

“Hachuling and Ran…” Aguero’s bottom lip trembled and he stared at Bam as if he had never seen him before. He swiped his tongue across his bottom lip. A nervous gesture more than anything else right now. "What makes you think I'm into guys?" 

"It didn't matter to me if you love me back or even care for me in the same way." Bam shook his head, "What matters is that you understand what I'm trying to tell you, Aguero."

"Do you not believe that I might care about you, too?" Aguero watched him closely, appearing oddly hurt. 

That pain caught Bam's attention. "Are you…upset about what I said?" Aguero's pursed lips amused Bam and a wave of warmth filled his chest. "Aguero…love…" he lifted his hand one more time and unlike the first time he heard Aguero's breath hitch, Bam didn't wonder how or why. Instead, he took comfort in it. "Go back. I'll be there. Then we can do this for real."

"What if I forget you, Bam?" Aguero had something shiny on his lashes that intrigued Bam. No snow fell around them, but he supposed daybreak had been peeking for a few minutes which made it more noticeable. 

"Then forget me. Forget everything about me if it means waking up, Aguero." Bam answered, brushing the back of his knuckles along his cheek, slipping through the frigid nonexistence. "I don't mind trying to regain your trust all over again if it means you fall in love with me, too. I know I did it once, so I can do it again. I want to date you and make this more than anything I thought I could have."

"You want to date me." Aguero made a broken noise in his throat. "Bam…I might not be so nice to you if-"

"Doesn't matter." Bam cut him off with a shake of his head. "We both hid things from each other but this time no secrets. We'll make it work. I'm quite stubborn. I'm a Taurus after all!" He beamed, "Maybe we'll spend my birthday together."

This time, Aguero brought his hands to frame Bam's face. He'd never initiated it before. That shine in his lashes and brimmed at the corners had an awful lot of color. "If I have to leave and forget about you…kiss me, Bam. I want…I want all of that and so much more."

Bam leaned up carefully, keeping his eyes open so he could aim, and left the rest to Aguero to slot in place. A spark shot all the way through him and Bam closed his eyes as he shuddered. A twinkle of bells rang in his ears and when Bam opened his eyes…

Shining through the treeline, sunrays caused the snow to glitter brilliantly.

Your heart, it beats

Forever, forever, we see

I will believe

But there's a ghost in me

A hiccup startled out of Bam and he bowed his head, allowing himself to sob and mourn the time well spent. 

At his feet he thought he saw something and knelt down, scooping the snow carefully to find anything. Anything at all. 

Eventually, what appeared to be the holographic shine of undisturbed snow stayed in his palm without melting. Fingers numb from sifting through the powder, he had a hard time picking up the tiny gems. 

Heart sinking, Bam knew what he held and his own eyes stung. Star tears. Aguero's eyes had looked so colorful and shiny because he had actually been crying. If Aguero had been here at the library when he lived and breathed in the hospital, then it stood to reason that somehow he could cry if the emotions got strong enough. Star tears…something supernatural in themselves. Rare for any human to ever form and that came from wishing so intently to forget heartbreak and unrequited love.

Aguero chose to forget him after Bam pleaded with him. Bam had confessed, but Aguero did not besides the kiss and admitting that he wants the same things he did. 

Now if Bam walked into the hospital, Aguero would have no recollection of their time together. 

"God how backwards everything is…" Bam muttered as he stood up. To go to him right away would only stress Aguero out further. Later…right now he had a crafty friend to visit and cry to for a little bit. "Hockney is going to love this."

Your lungs they breathe

Forever, forever, we see

I will believe

Noon had rolled around by the time Bam managed to sleep off his breakdown at Hockney’s house. During that time, his friend had crafted him a pair of stud earrings out of the star gems from Aguero’s tears. For the first time, Bam had been thankful he got his lobes pierced as a teen on a dare from Wangnan. 

Spruced up and face washed, he went to the hospital. Getting waved at by the nurses who had come to know him by name only made him feel sad about the situation all over again. Listening as they explained Aguero had woken up, they walked the halls to the room. Aguero didn’t know anything about what happened or who had stabbed him. Had no idea his brothers had been visiting him or anything about Bam or who he could be. While all of it he expected, it still hurt. 

Taking a deep breath, he knew as soon as he stepped through that door it would be the start of gaining Aguero’s trust and friendship from the beginning. For all he knew, Aguero could be an asshole who didn’t want anything to do with him…no. No, after learning so much these last couple of months, he couldn’t lose his faith in the man he loved that easily.

“Mr. Khun, you have a visitor here to see you,” the nurse called into the room as they got inside.

Aguero had his hand over his right wrist and Bam’s guts twisted. Absently he rubbed his left side, knowing he would have to keep this secret for as long as possible. Scaring him away would be the opposite of what he wanted. “Who are you?” Aguero demanded, eyes narrow and guarded. 

It hurt Bam that the vibrancy had gone away from brilliant warm Persian blues, and had now turned into cold cutting sapphires. “H-Hi, I, um…” the best way to go about this now would be to place all his cards on the table for Aguero to clearly see and examine. “I’m Bam. Jyu Viole Grace is my full name, but I like being called Bam.” 

A long humming noise came from the man and Bam let himself be examined from head to toe. With a click of his tongue, Aguero turned his head toward the window, “Come in.”

“I’ll leave you two alone then,” the nurse bowed her head and the click of the door behind Bam made him flinch. Too loud. 

“So you’re V and Arlene’s son?” Aguero’s atrophied limbs and sunken face unnerved Bam, but he came further in and grabbed his usual chair that had been shoved to the side. No doubt from when Aguero woke up and the chaos that ensued. “I understand V and my father had been close, but why would you come to see me in the hospital on Christmas day? We’ve never met, so why do you care?”

Bam hadn’t thought of an answer for this. Maybe the half-truth would work. “My adopted dad is a Detective. He was upset about a case because they couldn’t find who did it, and no one was sure if…it would be an attempted murder charge or an actual murder charge. I’m too nosy for my own good sometimes, so I asked who was almost murdered. He told me about you, and brought me here.” 

“I don’t believe a Detective would simply tell you about a case, Bam .” Aguero’s eyes returned to him, boring right through his alibi.

“You don’t know anything about Jinsung Ha’s relationship with me, either, Khun.” Bam deflected in turn, straightening defensively. Name-dropping Jinsung did the trick as Aguero flinched and dropped his own shoulders, sagging against his pillows. “Hey…” he couldn’t let it be like this. “You know my parents were kind people, right? All I want to do is help people like they did. I’ve been coming here and reading to you. That book on the table is the one I was in the middle of.” 

“Why, though?” Aguero sounded so tired, tilting his head at the book. The way he stared at it told Bam he hadn’t seen it before. Too many things going on, no doubt. “Why…do any of this? There’s no reason for you to care about some random guy who got stabbed, even if our parents knew each other.”

Bam reached for his hand by reflex, but caught himself midway through the action and set his palm near Aguero’s balled fist on his thigh instead, still leaning closer regardless. “Is it so wrong for me to be here?” Unfortunately those answers he sought Bam would be hard-pressed to tell right now. Not like he could say ‘I found you as a spirit in the library you liked to go to’ and have it go over very well. “I saw you laying here in a coma, Khun, and I wanted to help you get better. People who are in a coma too long can start having a lot of problems, so I wanted you to wake up. I didn’t want you to become a murder victim. Isn’t that enough?”

Aguero chewed at his bottom lip, watching where their hands almost touched. His weight barely pressed down on him, but Bam didn’t move. It felt nice to not slip through his body anymore, or have his hand feel ice cold. “I may be out of my coma, but I’m not leaving this hospital for a while, Bam.”

“I don’t mind. Physical therapy, right? What if I helped?” Bam perked up, eager at the idea of being able to help and connect to him somehow. To spend time with him and talk during the day. “I can start the book over from the beginning, too, if you’d like.”

“I can read on my own.” Aguero turned his nose up.

Bam smiled fondly at his stubborn nature, “Can you? Pick up the book.” Aguero went to try, and Bam’s eyes snapped to the winding black on his wrist that had been hidden by the hospital band. Thin fingers wrapped around the binding, but when he lifted it, it slipped through his fingers and landed on the ground with a thud.

Aguero looked at his hand, offended by his lack of strength.

Bam allowed himself to find the pull to those thick pale brows adorable and didn’t mind the deja vu to the first time he saw Aguero in the halls.

“Why…does this feel like deja vu?” Ah, his ever-observant love caught onto it, too.

Picking up the book, Bam placed it on his lap and cracked it open to the first page, settling into his chair. Catching antique gold with intrigued sapphires, Bam relaxed seeing a little more sparkle in them, “A dream, perhaps. Would you like me to read? It’s okay if you fall asleep, I’m sure you’re tired.”

“I am…” Aguero let himself slide a little on the angled bed, “You’ll…read any parts I missed again?”

God, Bam was hopeless for this man. “Yes, of course. Oh and…Khun?”

“Yes, Bam?” a little sigh. Bam let himself believe the tone was playful and affectionate.

“Merry Christmas.”